Hey, mister, where you headed?
Are you in a hurry?
Need a lift to happy hour? Say, "Oh, no"
Do you brake for distilled spirits?
I need a break as well
The well that inebriates the guilt
One, two, one

Cold turkey's gettin' stale
Tonight, I'm eatin' crow
Fermented salmonella, poison oak, no
There's a drought at the fountain of youth
And I'm dehydrated
My tongue is swellin' up, I say
One

Troubled times, you know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride

There's a drought at the fountain of youth
And I'm dehydrated
My tongue is swellin' up, I said
(One, two, one two three four!)
Shit!

Troubled times, you know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride

(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Don't know where to go) Hitchin' a ride
(Say birthday boys, hey)

Well, howdy neighbor!
Why do you guys seem so fucking far away?
Wait, c'mon up here
I'm sick of this shit, what the fuck?
How you doing?
That's great, that's great
Ha, that's fun
I remember some of you guys from about four years ago
Some of you guys were like fourteen
And you came here with your parents and stuff, your parents
And they were like "Ooh, are these those guys?"
I like that song, Basket Case
But now, no check this out, you came back
You're like, eighteen
And you're completely fucked up
And I have to say one thing, I take full responsibility for that