SPEAK:SLUG

SUCK ON M - oh!
My word, you know nobody has ever bothered to ask before.
I go out and about you know, trying to help people by telling them the secret of the balls... never a word of thanks of course.
At first I was erudite, I would earnestly plead with passers-by to listen to the esoteric tale I had to tell.
They would just drift past. Nobody had time for the words of a slug.
In an attempt to appeal to them, I started to use a simpler vocabulary. I thought maybe my words were simply too manifold for the others to understand.
But still the Goddess Tyche refused to smile upon the endeavors of a simple sea-slug.
My heart, sir. My heart was broken and once where it was a cornucopia of love for my fellow creatures, now it was merely a shattered relic with barely the strength to pitter-pat.
Yet somewhere in my slug soul, I held out hope that one day someone would care. Alas! My respect for my peer's intelligence had all but gone.
So I reverted to simple shock tactics, the language of the click-baiter and the gutter press. I reduced my cry to a simple appeal to suck my balls.
Even this had no effect, but I never stopped. To tell people of the secret of the balls had become my only raison d'être.
And now you have come! Finally, somebody wants to know of the balls!
Settle down, my friend. It's like this.

SPEAK:YOU
Yeah, I stopped caring about six minutes ago. Bye.

SPEAK:SLUG
No... wait!
Please! I have carried this burden for over a week now!

SPEAK:YOU
Well?

SPEAK:SLUG
The balls are balls of sexual desire! In ball form!
The more you collect, the more sexuality you will have! Balls make it easier for you to woo women!
They will find a man with a multitude of balls irresistable!

SPEAK:YOU
How the heck does that work?

SPEAK:SLUG
The hell should I know? I just work here.

SPEAK:YOU
I hate you.

SPEAK:SLUG
I know.

SPEAK:YOU
Ugh. Let's check out the wreck.

HOP