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The weekly meetings of the Ethernaut Club were never held in the same place twice. It was part of the mystique Jeremy had injected. Members had to check the club's Web site and enter the secret password to find the location. Even then the information was only available for a fifteen minute period which occurred exactly one hour before the 8:00 PM meeting. As the Ethernaut Club had grown to its current limit of 200 members, meeting locations that would hold the group had become increasingly hard to find. But Jeremy always seemed to come up with something. That week's meeting was being held in a dry dock storage building near the marina. Jeremy had bribed the security guard for the key a few days earlier. The guard would see to it that no one made rounds at the marina for a couple hours that night. The inside of the huge storage building was filled with boats. They were stacked up in their racks along the two long walls of the building. On one end, Jeremy had positioned a large forklift to act as a raised platform stage. The Ethernauts were arriving and gathering in the center of the damp room. In just a few minutes Jeremy would be raised by the forklift to address the members, but when he saw Zeke come in, he hurried over to check with his roommate on the progress of their plan.
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| Jeremy: |
Is everything set?
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| Zeke: |
Yeah man. I put the image on the Web page when I uploaded this week's meeting location. It looked like about 100 people accessed it during the fifteen minutes it was on-line. Everybody else just asks a friend or bums a ride to the party... I mean meeting.
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| Jeremy: |
Perfect. This should be great!
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| Zeke: |
Remember Jeremy, I had to use the workaround for the one missing command operator. This thing will only be running at half power so don't yell at me if nothing happens when you give them the activation word.
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| Jeremy: |
Don't worry. If I know people, and I do know people, we won't need much boost to have this suggestion get them going. Now shut-up and stay loose. Here comes Molly. She can't suspect anything.
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| Molly: |
Hi you guys. What are you doing looking all serious? Isn't your speech ready, Jeremy?
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| Jeremy: |
You know me better than that. I never write anything down ahead of time. Prepared speeches are lame. They get in the way of where the audience wants the meeting to go.
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| Zeke: |
Especially tonight.
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| Molly: |
What do you mean, Zeke?
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| Jeremy: |
Zeke, do you have time for chit chat? Why don't you go make sure you know how to operate that forklift, would ya?
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| Zeke: |
What did I...
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| Jeremy: |
Thanks, Zeke. And remember, I want the platform to go up real slow. Lot's of drama. Practice a little.
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| Molly: |
Rising platform, huh? When do we have to start saluting you?
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| Jeremy: |
You can start saluting me right after the meeting. Why don't you come over, we'll run through some of your favorite obedience lessons?
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| Molly: |
Love to... but can't. With big sister Nancy here I'm going to need to stay pretty close to home.
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| Jeremy: |
I could start to dislike someone that keeps you away from me. How long is this torture going to continue?
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| Molly: |
Relax for a day or two, all right?
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| Jeremy: |
Anything for you, Molly. How about we mingle around for a minute before I start the meeting?
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Precisely at 8:00 PM, the doors were closed and locked. No one was late in arriving. The consequences were well known. Jeremy took his position on the wooden palette that straddled the tongs of the forklift. From somewhere above the crowd speakers blared with the Ethernauts' theme song, Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like a Hole." Zeke started the forklift's slow rise and two hundred Ethernauts half jokingly bowed to Jeremy as the lyrical refrain repeated, "Bow down before the one you serve. You're going to get what you deserve." Jeremy waved his arms to stop the demonstration, but quickly encouraged more by bowing back to the room. The frenzy increased and continued until Jeremy finally signaled for the audio volume to be throttled back. The whole room gave itself a final cheer as Jeremy clicked on the tiny radio microphone clipped to the top of his shirt.
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| Jeremy: |
Welcome! Welcome Ethernauts!!! We're going to have a great time tonight. We've got the usual feast planned for right after the formalities and we'll get the music turned back up in a few minutes. I just have a few brief announcements to get out of the way. First of all, I'm very happy to be able to tell you that the latest news from the hospital about Heidi Moore is all good news. She's resting comfortably and on her way to a full recovery from whatever caused her dizzy spells. Our prayers have been answered as we knew they would be. God loves each and every Ethernaut! Let's give a moment of silent thanks for Heidi's strength and good fortune.
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A very serious hush fell over the crowd as the Ethernauts mimicked Jeremy's solemn posture and thankful expression.
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| Jeremy: |
And now, a trivial administrative announcement. As you all know, our elections are scheduled for one month from today. I have thought long and hard about the wisdom of continuing in this post as your president. Many of you are certainly well qualified to succeed me and returning to a normal schedule is often quite attractive. But many of you have asked me to continue and so tonight I am announcing that I will seek your reelection in the coming ballot one month from now!
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A unanimous cheer exploded from the crowd. Clearly Jeremy was everyone's favorite for the job. Some Ethernauts wondered why elections were even bothered with, but Jeremy knew they were primarily an opportunity to demonstrate his popularity for all to see. He wouldn't want to miss any such chance.
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| Jeremy: |
Lastly tonight, I want to talk about togetherness. I want to talk about the importance of our unity. You feel good here tonight, don't you? Do you know where that feeling comes from? It comes from each other. It comes from the devotion to our group that each of you contributes. It is, literally, bigger than all of us. But, I'm afraid, it is not yet pure. Some of us are still drawing strength from outside the Ethernaut Club. This must be brought under control for it limits the strength the group accumulates as a whole. As a first step in cleansing our commitment, I am tonight calling for those of you with boyfriends or girlfriends who are non-members, to break off those relationships. You should instead seek companionship from within the Ethernaut Club as I have with Molly McGill. Furthermore, I want you to terminate these unsanctioned relationships from here, tonight, as a testimony to your Ethernaut Club commitment.
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Suddenly the group became restless. At once they realized that Jeremy was not joking about this need for cleansing. He had some plan and he was about to unleash it. Jeremy had his strange club rules, but everyone realized they were there to enhance the exclusivity of membership. The rules were kind of fun and quite harmless. But this was a new level by quite a margin. Whispers within the crowd were members assuring each other that nothing would actually come of this fantasy.
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| Jeremy: |
I realize this will be a great sacrifice for some of you, but it must be seen through. My recommendation is that we just get it over with as quickly as possible. What I want to do is have those of you who are currently in a depleting relationship come up to the front of the room where you can use my personal telephone to break off that... situation so that you may follow us. If I could suggest maybe forming two lines. Zeke could we borrow your Motorola?
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As the word Motorola left Jeremy's lips people immediately began breaking from the crowd and walking forward. They circled in from the left and the right. Molly's surprise was so great her mouth hung open. She saw her friend Susan calmly take the phone from Jeremy's outstretched arm and dial a number she knew by heart. Susan was engaged to be married to her high school boyfriend this coming June. They had been going out for seven years. Within twenty seconds Susan had broken off the engagement and hung up the phone. Twenty-five Ethernauts were lined up behind her and another thirty were already queued on the other side of the room. Some stragglers were reluctantly joining each of the lines. Molly noted a mixed reaction among the remaining members. Some applauded at the conclusion of each "Dear John" phone call but others were confused and upset by what they were witnessing. The solemn parade turned into a celebration of freedom and commitment as Jeremy goaded testimonials from some of the participants. Thirty minutes later it was finished and Jeremy could feel himself pulsating with the power he had wielded. His only thought was that he must gain access to the one missing command that would allow Zeke's program to operate at full strength.
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