Trans Pyre

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<<linkreplace "Juhannus." t8n>>Juhannus in Finland. Midsommar in Sweden. Jaanipäev in Estonia. Jāņi in Latvia. Joninės in Lithuania. Fête de Saint-Jean in France. Noche de San Juan in Spain. Revetlla de Sant Joan Catalunya. Noite de San Xoan in Galiza. It's summer solstice in the Northern hemisphere. The shortest night of the year. <</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "Uusimaa." t8n>>Uusimaa means "New Land". It's the southernmost and most densely populated region in Finland. <</linkreplace>> [[2018.]]

You drive up the hill. The bed of your truck is loaded with everything you need tonight: <<linkreplace "Wood." t8n>> Wood, from conifer trees you took down and chopped up yourself. <</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "A packed cooler." t8n>>A packed cooler, filled with boiled new potatoes, marinated vegetables, homemade seitan sausages, and mint lemonade. <</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "Two empty wooden pails." t8n>>An empty wooden pail, to fetch water from the well. <</linkreplace>> [[A box of things to burn.]]

You drive down the other side of the hill while basking in the view: <<linkreplace "The old sauna." t8n>> The old sauna, with its red walls and white frames and cracked chimney. <</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "The stream." t8n>>The stream, flowing gently by the mossy well. <</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "The pasture." t8n>>The pasture, the almond drupes growing in the trees, and the cow droppings merging with the grass. <</linkreplace>> [[The sun is slowly getting ready to set over the lake.]]

You have less than two hours before sunset, and you cannot allow the night to fall. You <<linkreplace "build the pyre." t8n>>unload the larger, longer logs first, and lay them against each other to build a frame. You pile the smaller logs into an irregular, methodical pile. You stuff the gaps with branches and kindling. <</linkreplace>> You <<linkreplace "prepare the sauna." t8n>> bring the remaining wood into the sauna and walk from to the well with empty pails, and back to the sauna with heavy pails, and so on until the large water barrels are replenished. <</linkreplace>> You <<linkreplace "sit down to catch your breath." t8n>>wipe the sweat off your brow and swig mint lemonade. <</linkreplace>> You <<linkreplace "wander off into the forest." t8n>> pick up one of the wooden pails and enter the forest. You stand on your toes to break large branches off the younger birch trees. You bend down to gather seven different kinds of flowers. <</linkreplace>> You [[walk back to the pyre.]]

You have less than one hour before sunset, and you cannot allow the night to fall. The pyre sits in the middle of the pasture, and so do you. You <<linkreplace "pull out your pocket knife." t8n>>pull out your pocket knife, a folding Marttiini with a rosewood handle. <</linkreplace>> You make the <<linkreplace "vihta." t8n>> sauna whip. You grab the large birch branches you carried over your shoulder and slash off their smaller ramifications, each about the length of your arm. You pile the leafy side branches to your right, and their bared parents to your left. You take a parent, and you strip it off with your blade; you twist it this way and the other until its softened and pliable. You grab the pile of leafy branches by their thicker, broken ends. You wrap the parent around them to form a handle, pressing the bundle tight as you turn it. You tie it off and hack the splinters away with your knife. <</linkreplace>> You <<linkreplace "sharpen a few long sticks." t8n>>sharpen a few long sticks so you can roast sausages later. <</linkreplace>> You [[watch the sun finally set.]]

It's time to light the pyre, so you <<linkreplace "do." t8n>> find the little kindle nest and set it ablaze. You blow on it to help it along. You watch the fire spread to nearby branches, and then to the smaller logs. <</linkreplace>> Once you're confident that the flames won't perish in your absence, you <<linkreplace "take care of dinner." t8n>>fetch the cooler, open it up, and skewer sausages and vegetables on your sharpened sticks. You roast your dinner as the flames keep spreading through the pyre. You eat with your hands, wiping your fingers off on your clothes, adding grease to the dust, sap, and [[perspiration stains.]]<</linkreplace>>

You have less than two minutes before midnight. You leave the fireside and walk around the sauna <<linkreplace "three times." t8n>>three times, taking your clothes off one by one, letting them fall where they may, on the grass or by a bush. <</linkreplace>> You look through the sauna door and see a glimpse of <<linkreplace "a body." t8n>> your body. It is the same, but it is different. It is a version of your body you can be at peace with. <</linkreplace>> You walk into the sauna to light a [[fire in the furnace.]]

You go back outside, striding barefoot on the grass. The pyre is now burning large and bright. It is time to cremate <<linkappend "the contents of your box." t8n>> <<linkreplace "A piece of paper with your old name." t8n>>Ashes.<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "The clothes you don't want to wear anymore." t8n>>Ashes.<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "The anxiety you hold tight in your chest." t8n>>Ashes.<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "The fear that hides in your guts." t8n>>Ashes.<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "The years you spent looking for yourself." t8n>>[[Ashes.]]<</linkreplace>> <</linkappend>>

You're crying, and you're not sure if it's're from the smoke or from the letting go. Blinking through the tears, you look inside the box. What else are you burning? <<textbox "$burn" " " "What else are you burning?">>

Ashes. Are you burning anything else? <<textbox "$burn" " " "What else are you burning?">> [[No, the box is empty.]]

You throw the empty box in the pyre, and watch it go up in flames. Your right hand grabs the vihta; your left, one of the lemonade bottles. You jump over the stream and make your way [[to the sauna.]]

You step through the sauna door into the <<linkreplace "pesuhuone." t8n>>washing room. <</linkreplace>> You <<linkreplace "make yourself clean again." t8n>> drown the wooden pail in the water barrel, and watch the air bubbles rise and disperse. You leave the full pail on the floor by your dirty feet. You use the <<linkreplace "kauha" t8n>> ladle <</linkreplace>> to pour water over yourself. You use your hands to rub the grime and ashes off your body. <</linkreplace>> You open the door to the <<linkreplace "löylyhuone," t8n>>sauna room,<</linkreplace>> and step right [[into the heat.]]

The air is hot and dry. The fire roars under the <<linkreplace "kiuas." t8n>>sauna furnace.<</linkreplace>> You scoop up water from the <<linkreplace "kiulu" t8n>>pail<</linkreplace>> with the <<linkreplace "löylykauha" t8n>>ladle<</linkreplace>> and throw it on the <<linkreplace "kiuaskivet." t8n>>hot stones.<</linkreplace>> <<linkreplace "Löyly" t8n>>Hot steam<</linkreplace>> rises and sears your eyes, your face, your body. You sit on the <<linkreplace "laude" t8n>>sauna bench<</linkreplace>>. You sit and wait for the steam to do its job. These things take time. Your skin begins to perspire, to cry out all the things you couldn't burn [[in the pyre.]]

You go outside to take a break from the heat. You lean on the sauna door and watch the pyre, still burning strong. A mosquito bites you but you don't care. You take a sip of mint lemonade. The air is fresh and clean and [[it smells of smoke.]]

You step back into the heat, throw more water on the stones, and let the tears of your body mix with the steam in the air. You grab the <<linkreplace "vihta," t8n>> sauna whip,<</linkreplace>> and make it fly through the air, until it hits you. This is how you kill off all the parasitic little voices telling you you're <<linkreplace "unclean." t8n>> unclean, <<linkreplace "unreal." t8n>> unreal, <<linkreplace "unwelcome." t8n>>unwelcome, <<linkreplace "undeserving." t8n>>undeserving, [[unloveable.]]<</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

<<linkappend "The air is thick and fragrant." t8n>> <<linkappend "Broken birch leaves litter the sauna room." t8n>> <<linkappend "Your limp hand holds onto a balded version of the bundle you used to yield." t8n>> <<linkappend "Your face is red and your hair is sticky." t8n>> [[You feel depleted and full of possibilities.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

You put clothes <<linkappend "on." t8n>> You sit <<linkappend "outside." t8n>> The sauna cools <<linkappend "down." t8n>> The pyre dies <<linkappend "off." t8n>> The sun comes <<linkappend "up." t8n>> You feel clean [[inside.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

You go to the <<linkreplace "saunakamari." t8n>>sauna bedroom.<</linkreplace>> You lift the pillow and gently lay down the seven kinds of flowers you gathered in the evening. You get into bed and sleep until the next day in the afternoon. You dream with the only person who will love you <<linkappend "forever" t8n>>: [[yourself]]<</linkappend>>.

You are a trans person about to perform Midsummer gender magic. by X.X. García (2018)

This game was made in 6 hours on the day after Juhannus 2018. It contains many references to Finnish culture, and a few to Galician culture. X.X. García is a queer transgender immigrant in Finland.