I thought this Pilot would definitely be picked up for the
Fall Schedule, even though it took place in the late '30's! I played Carmelina
Hooper a Nurse who really liked poor kids. It was kind of like Our Gang
only this time the kids had all these different psychological problems.
One of the kids who was named Potato Sac liked to dig holes and sleep in
them! Another one liked to burn his arm with cigarrettes and still another
could barely talk and walk due to the fact his mother drank 2 quarts of
vodka everyday she was pregnant with him. I help the "gang"to
overcome their different problems by forming a softball team, I was Coach
Carmelina. In the Pilot episode I learn about these poor "raggamuffins"who
live in the empty lot across from where I work. I make friends with them
when I save "Jitters"after he eats a dead cat and becomes real
sick. The kids and I become a "family" and start helping neighbors
and putting on shows for sick people. This episode ends with one of the
"gang" being run over by a milk truck and dying in my arms as
I sing Amazing Grace. It was a real old fashioned tear jerker. I liked the
cast of kids and loved playing Carmelina. I thought that this show could
be the exact thing this country need right now...wrong!I was told by one
of the Producers that when they tested the Pilot with an audience people
were laughing.Some of the younger members of the audience screamed names
out at the screen calling the troubled kids "tards"! I was so
amazed by how jaded these kids were, some as young as 5! When "Lazy
eye" gets run over the audience burst into laughter and applauded!
That just goes to show that one can never predict an audiences reaction.
I told the producers to sell it as an comedy about the future,but I could
see in there eyes that "Shaye and The Raggamuffin Gang" was already
history. Luckily they had a few more ideas and wanted me to star in them
all!
Pilot # 3"Sister
Mary Choke and Dump"
The next 2(!) Pilots we shot back to back real cheap hoping the gritty reality
would help sell them. The first of these cheapies was "Sister Mary
Choke and Dump". It was about a Nun who lived in the Dominican Republic.
When Mary was a young girl she was attacked by a serial killer and left
for dead in a filthy alley. Mary was not dead though and when she came out
of the coma she had "psychic powers"! Among her powers was the
ability to perform surgery with her bare hands! Sister Mary C.D. also found
that she could see a persons future by pinching their arm. Mary also became
quite a prankster after the coma and was known by the villagers as the "fun
Nun". In the Pilot we see the story of how S.M.C.D. became "the
healer of Domingo",shown in a very cheap flashback scene. The rest
of the episode is scenes of S.M.C.D. using her "powers". Among
the scenes we see S.M.C.D. pulling a brain tumor from a sick boys head,
telling a rich man, after pinching his arm as a good luck gesture,that his
house will burn down and all his stuff will burn with it, and finally seperating
conjoined twins with nothing more than a wire! All the "surgery"
was done off camera because there was no money for effects and the flashbacks
were just black and white pictures! The best scene in this Pilot was a heartfelt
bongo lesson given to me by an appreciative father whose child I had just
saved by pulling a tumor from its brain. Everyone who saw the episode loved
that scene so much, especially the part when I kick the father in his shins
after he tries to grab my boob.
Pilot # 4"Lady of the Manor"
The
Producers hoped to sell P.B.S. this Pilot since everybody spoke with an
British accent. I wore that crazy dress, rented from a costume shop,through
the whole episode. It shot entirely at a mansion owned by a rich relative
of one of the Producers. I played a mental patient who suddenly seemed to
travel through time to England circa 1880. It was the basic "fish out
of water" story. I speak of microwaves and crimping irons as the dry
Brits look on in amazement at this interesting stranger. I captivate them
all so much that a Prince wants to Marry me! Even though I can be lucid
at times the fact remains that I was in a mental institution before traveling
through time. The mental illness makes itself known during a party,when
I suddenly curl up into the fetal postion screaming "what have you
done to my baby?". The Brits become frightened of me and want to burn
me at the stake thinking that I am a witch. The Pilot ends with a cliff
hanger as they surround me with lit torchs as I scribble randomly on the
marble floors of the ballroom with a piece of coal. To my amazement this
Pilot nearly did see the light of day. P.B.S. was seriously considering
buying the Pilot plus 6 more episodes. They finally declined to pick it
up due to their belief that the "time travel"element was too farfetched
for the P.B.S. audience. The Producers told the P.B.S. guys that the character
never really travels through time, since she is a mental patient the whole
thing is just a delusional fantasy in a warped wackos mind. P.B.S. really
disliked that angle for some reason I forgot what it was though. The best
part in this Pilot was the above mentioned "what have you done to my
baby" scene. I am glad I did not have to do 6 more episodes, because
that dress had to be pinned and stapled onto me it hurt the whole time I
was in it.