40-48
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You suffer from TRAUMATIC STRESS and will probably die of hypertension or a heart attack by the time you finish reading this. The only hope you have in changing your collision course with death is to run off screaming into the night and try to start a new life for yourself as a homeless (but happy and stress-free) schizophrenic that talks to buildings and eats pigeon meat.
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32-39
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You have a bad case of CHRONIC ACUTE STRESS that probably makes your life a constant series of crisis and chaos. There are quite a few ways to deal with this disorder: Try talking to a good shrink, changing your profession or running off to Vegas with that pudgy co-worker who pinched your buttox last payday.
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24-31
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You're always on edge and feel pangs of paranoia and guilt about what you might have done wrong even if you've done nothing wrong. By taking on more than you can handle, you have been suffering from EPISODIC ACUTE STRESS. Try hiring an assistant, taking a vacation or covering yourself in warm molasses and having a dozen puppies lick it off your body.
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13-23
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You have been diagnosed with having ACUTE STRESS, which is the most common form of stress. You're a normal person with occasional outbursts of panic. No need to worry. Get back to work.
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12 and below
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You are perfect in every way and are either a robot, a cartoon character or a filthy liar.
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