On September 14, 2013, exactly a month after I pushed publish on my first true self-published book, Price of a Kiss, I received an email that started out a little something like this:

Dear Linda,

As an avid reader and wife, mother and attorney with severe cerebral palsy, I am begging you to please take the opportunity to write Sarah’s story. I am so tired of reading stereotypical romances where the woman with the disability is bitter, helpless, has no self-esteem and is just waiting to be rescued or miraculously healed. Well, the real world doesn’t work that way (even when it’s prettied up). Real life can be beautiful. I found a wonderful guy that thinks I am the sexiest woman alive despite my wheelchair. This year, we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Our oldest son is 23 and in medical school, and our youngest is nearly 10 and a 4th grader....

Well, this is still one of the most meaningful letters I ever received from a reader along with the scariest, because holy crawfish, how was I supposed to say no to that? But then...eek, how was I supposed to write about a character who lived with something I knew nothing about, and do it any kind of justice?

Then I realized, oh yeah, I did that with every story I wrote! LOL.

So I replied to Ms. Mary Crawford and told her this was one request I couldn’t refuse. But I knew it was going to take me some time to come up with a suitable story line, a suitable hero for our precious Sarah, and a suitable way to work them into what later became my Forbidden Men series. And now, nearly three years later, I’m hoping and crossing my fingers that I have something to please and honor our very patient Mary.

I would also like to note how happy I am for Mary. In the three years it took lazy ol’ me to come up with something for her, I also nudged her into following her own desire to tell stories (yeah, look at me, taking the credit for all her hard work. Ha!), and she now has eight books published! Isn’t she amazing? Everyone, tell Mary how awesome she is!

Okay, sorry! Enough of my rambling. Let us now proceed with the story.

BRANDT

AGE 13

“Get out of my bed!”

Jolted awake by the hand shoving my shoulder, I bolted upright with a gasp. “What? Huh?”

An irate sister jostled me again. “I said out, you little dweeb.”

Damn it. I collapsed back onto the mattress. She was home.

With a groan, I rolled over to flop onto my back and yawned up at the darkened ceiling of our bedroom as I tried to rouse myself enough to crawl off her bed. But against my will, my eyes drifted shut and sleep tried to reclaim me.

“Brandt!” Caroline snarled through an irritated whisper. “I’m serious. Get out. What’re you doing on my bunk anyway?”

“What do you think I’m doing? You weren’t home, and Colton’s sick.” I wasn’t sleeping anywhere near that kid when he had a torrential flood of green shit gushing from his nose. Besides, with his fever raging, he’d been hot as hell to lie next to.

It seriously sucked ass that I had to share a room with both my older sister and younger brother, but to have a single bunk bed to sleep on between the three of us was even worse. To top that off, the bottom twin-sized mattress Colton and I used had become a tight fit in the last year since we’d both hit a growth spurt.

When I’d seen Caroline’s empty top bunk, I hadn’t been able to resist hogging a mattress all to myself for a while.

“Well I’m home now.” She ripped the warm covers off me. “So, move.”

I cursed as the cool night air stole through me, settling straight into my bones, and tried to reach for the blankets again, but Caroline was having none of that. As we started a snarling tug-of-war, I muttered, “Jesus, why couldn’t you have just stayed the entire night with your rich prick boyfriend?”

The douche probably had a king-sized bed all to himself too. Bastard.

“Goddammit, Brandt.” She let go of the sheets so abruptly that I went sailing backward and landed with an oomph onto her mattress, all the covers piling on top of me.

Batting and spitting cotton out of my face, I lurched upright to give her a piece of my mind. She was the one who’d left me alone with a sick-as-hell eight-year-old so she could prance off with her new, jerk-of-the-century boyfriend. I deserved this bed for the entire night. But as soon as I opened my mouth to rant, she sniffed and wiped the back of her hand over her nose.

I squinted through the dark to see her face better and finally caught sight of the tears dripping down her cheeks. Fuck.

“What’d he do?” I demanded.

“Nothing,” she answered quickly. Too quickly.

“Nothing my ass.” I wasn’t an idiot. We heard all the juicy high school gossip down our middle school halls, and no one was talking about how the rich Sander Scotini was dating trailer park trash, Caroline Gamble. So that meant he was making her keep their relationship a secret. The jackass was using her big time. If she was crying, it was his fault.

“Just...give me my bed back, all right?” She sounded tired and beaten.

This time, I hopped over the side without complaint, landing on the floor next to her. “Do I need to kick his ass?”

She blurted out a hard laugh and wiped at her eyes. “As if you could.”

I straightened in indignation. “I totally could.” Scotini might have five years on me, but no way could that douche take me.

When my sister surged toward me unexpectedly and wrapped her arms around my neck, I stumbled a couple steps back before I could catch my footing. We weren’t exactly the hugging type, so having her hug me now was...odd. But then she sniffed again, and her tears soaked through the shoulder of my shirt as she said, “I love you, Brandt,” and I found myself squeezing her back as my worry peaked.

“Seriously, Care. What’d he do?”

“Nothing I want to talk about.” She pulled away, wiping at her eyes once more.

Yep, I was definitely going to beat the shit out of Sander Scotini.

“Thanks for giving me my bed back.” She turned toward the ladder but before she could climb up to her bunk, Colton sputtered out a rattling cough in his sleep. Caroline stooped down to press her palm to his forehead. Sucking in a breath, she said, “He’s burning up. Did you give him any medicine before bed?”

“Yeah, but...” I shrugged. The medicine wasn’t working.

Caroline sighed as if she were seventy instead of seventeen. “I shouldn’t have left you home alone with him.”

I found myself shrugging again as if it were no big deal. The resentment I’d been feeling toward her all night for leaving me stuck with Colton just kind of slipped away. She was a kid too and shouldn’t have to put her life on hold just to take care of us. She should get to go out with a boy if she wanted to.

It was our fucking mother’s job to take care of the sick eight-year-old, except Daisy hadn’t been home in...oh, was it four or five days now?

Who knew?

Who cared?

Life was easier when she wasn’t around.

“He’d still have a fever if you’d been here,” I said lamely, trying to make Caroline feel better.

She heaved out another sigh and rubbed her face. “I wish Noel was home.”

Me too. Our older brother might’ve been stricter on us than Caroline was, but he had kept an order to things. Bills got paid, groceries never ran out, broken things were fixed, and sick members of the family healed quickly. Though he sent home every extra penny he made since he’d left for college and called on the daily to check in on us, things around here were definitely slipping since he’d been gone.

“What? You think he could miraculously heal Colton?” I tried to tease. Noel was awesome, sure, but he wasn’t that awesome.

Caroline sent me a dry look. “At least I wouldn’t have to be the one to deal with this.”

It was funny, I realized, or maybe it was just sad. But neither of us wanted our mother to come home to shoulder the responsibility. We hadn’t even considered her as a form of help.

“Get some sleep,” I said, awkwardly patting Caroline’s arm. “Maybe it won’t suck so bad in the morning.”

“As if.” She snorted, letting me know she totally didn’t believe my words any more than I did. But she climbed up onto the top bunk anyway. “‘Night, bubba.”

“‘Night.” I helped pull the blankets up over her and then I stood there a moment, watching both her and Colton on their respective mattresses—safe and sound, for now—before I turned away and slogged from the room.

To the couch it was for me.

I had no idea how Noel had lived for eighteen years, sleeping on that uncomfortable hunk of junk. It was too short and hard as a rock. I didn’t even like to sit on the ratted piece of furniture.

Realizing the front room was too cold to sleep in without some kind of blanket, I shivered and rubbed my arms before I backtracked to the second bedroom in our single-wide trailer. But I paused just outside the door, hesitating to push my way inside. Daisy wasn’t home, yet it still felt strange going inside her domain to fetch an extra blanket where they were stored in her closet.

All the sex and drugs she did took place in her room. Noel had made sure she’d kept all her shit behind this closed door, and for some reason she’d followed his edict even after he’d moved off to college...or maybe she wasn’t aware he no longer lived here. Whatever. This room was Daisy’s den of iniquity, and it smelled gross.

I wrinkled my nose as I crept inside. No idea why I was tiptoeing; no one was here. But I did anyway.

Wanting to get in and out as quickly as possible, I dashed to her closet, slid open the door and yanked the first blanket-feeling thing I found down as soon as my fingers sought one in the dark. On my race back to the exit, however, I miscalculated in the dark and cracked my shinbone on the baseboard of her bed.

“Motherfucker.” Dropping the blanket on the bed, I skipped in a circle on one foot as I bent my knee up to my chest and clutched my throbbing leg.

Unable to keep my balance, I plopped down on the edge of the mattress and hissed through my pain until I thought I could stand again.

Instead of pushing to my feet, though, I glanced back at the rest of the unmade bed behind me. All that expanse of available sleeping space...just going to waste. Most of the sheets were rumpled up in one corner and who knew what she’d been doing the last time she’d been here, but temptation seized me anyway. I didn’t even care how rank the place smelled of ass and stale alcohol. There was an empty, soft mattress right here, just waiting to be used.

The likelihood of Daisy returning home before morning had to be about one in, oh, a million. And the couch didn’t smell much better, anyway.

I was so tired, and my ass had already sunk into the lush softness. It would be easy to just stretch out and... Ahhh. Bliss. I tugged the fresh blanket I’d just fetched from the closet over me and closed my eyes, sighing as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Unconsciousness claimed me within moments.

It was a good sleep too. I wasn’t roused by coughing from Colton next to me or the squeak of Caroline’s bedsprings above me. It was just quiet.

Nice.

Peaceful.

My dreams turned toward pleasant things. Since I was waking up with morning wood pretty much every day now, a hazy vision of Jamey Hester, who sat next to me in English class, sprang up in my head. In real life, she wouldn’t give a trashy Gamble like me the time of day. I was too poor, cussed too much, got into too many fights. What the fuck ever. But in my dream, she liked me just fine.

Her hand wrapped around my junk, right through my boxers, and I gasped from the pleasure, arching my back off the bed. Fingers squeezed appreciatively and pumped, making my balls tingle in a way that let me know I was seconds away from coming.

“Damn, baby. You sure are a big one, aren’t you?” Jamey cooed, except she didn’t really sound like Jamey. She sounded more like—

My eyes flew open.

Daisy loomed above me, looking down at me until all her hair flooded around her face. The blanket no longer covered me, and her hand was...Jesus.

“What the fuck?” I lurched up and scrambled away from her, dislodging her grip on me with my haste.

When my back met the corner of the wall, I sucked in a breath and shook my head, unable to stop gaping at the woman who’d given birth to me. My shin ached from smacking it into her bed earlier, letting me know I was definitely no longer dreaming, and my mother was honest-to-God kneeling right there on the bed in front of me.

Still. No way had she just been giving me a hand job. That part must’ve been in my dream. It had to have been. I shook my head again, trying to wake fully.

“What’re you doing here?” I asked without thinking.

She let out a husky laugh. “Honey, this is my bed. You’re the interloper.” Then propping herself on her hands and knees, she began to crawl toward me. “But I don’t mind if you stay.”

“Holy shit,” I squawked, digging my back deeper into the wall.

It wasn’t quite morning, but the sun was beginning to rise outside the window. It let in just enough gray light to let me see how bloodshot her eyes were. The woman was probably high as a kite, doped up with who knew what mix of drugs.

“Do you know who I am?” I had to ask because, hell, even as fucked up as she was, she had to know this was wrong. Right?

“Colton, right?” she asked as she paused before me and snapped her finger. “No, you’re Brandt. Brandt...” she cooed, reaching out to trace a finger over my erection through my shorts.

I shoved her away, and she slapped me. Hard.

The instant sting made my eyes water as she pointed a finger at my nose.

“Don’t you shove me, you little asshole. I brought you into this world. I can take you right back out. You hear me?”

Gulping, I nodded uneasily.

She smiled as if everything was good again. Licking the corner of my lip, I tasted blood and glanced toward the door, wondering how easy it’d be to slip past her and make a run for it.

But she murmured, “Now where were we?”

I jumped when she grabbed me again, which only made her laugh and press against me harder.

Gritting my teeth, I clenched my hands down at my side and tipped my head up toward the ceiling as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to feel what I was feeling. But no one had ever touched me there before. The contact made my boner grow harder as all the while, the sick unease in my stomach grew queasier. I swallowed repeatedly to keep from vomiting as an unnatural chill swept through my limbs, making me tremble uncontrollably.

I didn’t try pushing her away again; this fear that she’d call the cops and I’d get thrown in juvie for physical abuse rose in my head, freezing me from swinging.

I wanted Noel.

Or Caroline. She was right down the hall. I could yell for her, and she’d fly out of bed to rescue me. But then what? What if Caroline called someone for help, and Social Services split the three of us apart? I wasn’t about to lose Colton and Caroline. They were the only two people I had right now.

“How old are you now, Brandt?” Daisy asked as she used all five fingers to grip me tight.

Tears tracked down my cheeks. I shook my head, denying the reality of what she was doing. I hated how good it felt. Hated how scared I was. I just wanted to redo last night and wake next to a snot-nosed Colton instead of this.

“Well, you sure are big for however old you are,” she murmured, watching herself fondle me. “Your daddy was the biggest I ever had, did you know that?”

Why the hell would I know that? A kid should never know something like that. Besides, this had to be the first time Daisy had ever spoken to me.

She’d talked about me to either Noel or Caroline over the years, demanding they shut me up if I was crying or telling them to take me somewhere else if she wanted me out of sight. I honestly couldn’t remember a time when she’d directed a single word to me.

To me, Noel and Caroline were my parent figures, so Daisy didn’t feel like my mother at all. Too bad that didn’t make her touch any less creepy. I was so freaking skeeved out I was shaking erratically. Paralyzed with fear.

“I actually remember who your daddy was because he was hung so well,” she went on as if she had no idea I was freaking the fuck out. “I couldn’t tell you who fathered any of the other brats. But you. Yeah, you definitely have to be Derick’s boy. Hey...what’re you crying for?”

I opened my eyes and glanced down. She seemed honestly confused as she watched me with a slight worried pinch to her eyebrows.

“Please stop,” I whispered from dry lips.

But the bitch only laughed. “Oh, baby.” She ran her second hand up my leg until it disappeared under the hem of my shorts. “Trust me, you don’t want me to stop. Haven’t you ever had a blow job before?”

Just as she lowered the waistband of my shorts, I smashed my fisted hand against my mouth to muffle the sob that emerged. My eyes slashed to the half-closed door of her bedroom, praying Caroline would rush inside and save me, and yet wishing she never ever found out what kind of horror was going down.

Because what followed was definitely the worst, most mortifying thing to ever happen to me.

SARAH

AGE 13

One Month Later

Reese was mad.

I’d only ever seen my babysitter as bright and bubbly, always cheerful and energetic with what seemed to be a perpetual, ready grin. So when I turned my head on the mattress where I lay to send her an elated smile, I was stunned to find her lips thin and pinched with anger.

She folded her arms over her chest as she watched my legs bicycle kick in the air above my hips.

And here, I’d been so proud of myself. I could actually control some kind of movement. For a second, it’d been the best moment of my life. I’d just wanted to share my feat with my favorite person. But the rage emanating off her made my joy plummet.

What had I done wrong?

Worried, I stopped kicking, but the therapist on the opposite side of the mattress from Reese instructed in a calm, even voice, “No, don’t stop yet, Sarah. Just keep going. Think about how you feel as you move. And then try to slow the pace, putting the least amount of effort into it as possible.”

I blew out a breath and turned my attention up to the ceiling, away from Reese’s anger, so I could concentrate on moving my legs. Just as they wobbled rampantly, Dr. Besby murmured, “Don’t worry about that. It’s fine. Just keep going if you can. You’re doing great.”

After I completed a minute of slow reps, Dr. Besby told me to reverse the kicking and bicycle my legs in the other direction. “That’s great,” he congratulated. “Now picture your favorite kind of ice cream.”

Bringing up a mental image of two scoops of Neapolitan on a waffle cone, my eyebrows knit with worry when my mental fantasy slotted Reese into the chair at the table across from me as she licked her own cone full of orange sherbet.

Why was she so mad? What if she never wanted to eat ice cream with me ever again?

“See how well she’s doing even after she took her mind off her actions,” Dr. Besby told Reese. “That’s a significant improvement from her last session. Have you been trying to get her to stand on her own and bear her weight on her feet?”

“Yeah, but she loses her balance as soon as she lifts her head,” Reese answered.

Was that the problem then? I turned my attention her way, wondering if she wanted me to be able to stand on my own. But when our gazes met, she flashed me a huge Reese-smile. There was a kind of sadness in her eyes, though, even when she held up both thumbs, telling me how proud she was.

“Not to worry,” Dr. Besby said. “These things take time. Just keep practicing with her every day, and before you know it, she’ll be able to keep her head up, look around, and maintain stability all at the same time. The real milestone will come when she can shift her weight from leg to leg while doing all that. That’s a must for independent walking.”

Hope lit Reese’s face as she darted her eyes toward the therapist. “Wait. You think she’ll actually be able to walk someday?”

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath to hear that answer myself until Reese grabbed my fingers supportively. I clutched them like a lifeline.

But Dr. Besby winced. “I think...such a large delay in starting her on physical therapy has hampered her a lot. After some time, she should be able to take a few unassisted steps by herself, but I doubt she’ll ever be able to throw out a wheelchair or walker for good.”

Both Reese and I sighed in frustration, until Dr. Besby added, “You have to admit, though, her being able to get in and out of the wheelchair, use the restroom, and take a bath without help would be a huge achievement.”

Okay, he had a point there. Still...it would’ve been nice to hear he could heal me completely.

“You need to remember, Sarah’s cerebral palsy might be a disorder of involuntary muscle movements, but it still came from brain damage. If we concentrate on healing the part of her brain that harbors muscle control, she’ll always have some limitations, but you’ll be able to tell a notable difference over time.”

“Oh, I can already tell a difference.” Reese’s smile was completely genuine this time as she glanced my way. “Her posture’s improved and she can keep her head up for longer periods of time. In my book, you’ve already performed a miracle, Dr. Besby.”

The therapist flushed and averted his gaze to study my kicking legs. “Sarah’s the one who’s done all the work,” he mumbled, trying to ward off the praise.

I think he had a crush on my babysitter. I was tempted to tell him to back off; she was already taken, dating my brother Mason, and someday I was going to make her my sister-in-law. So he’d better just keep his hands to himself. But I kind of liked how much he’d helped me too, so I didn’t want to scare him away.

“Okay, you can stop now, Sarah.” He sat his hand on my knee and sent me a warm smile. “That’s enough for today. We’ll pick up here tomorrow. Sound good?”

“Oh! Uh...” Reese squeezed my fingers and coughed delicately. “Can we skip tomorrow? Sarah, um...she won’t be available then.”

What she really meant was that my mom would be home.

My mother didn’t exactly know about these physical therapy sessions. When Reese had discovered the home visits Dr. Besby was offering, she’d brought a pamphlet straight to Mom, so excited to sign me up for them. But Mom had vetoed them, saying she could never afford such one-on-one care.

So...Reese had gone behind her back with the help of Mason and somehow funded and set up the therapy without Mom’s knowledge. I had a bad feeling my brother had either forged Mom’s signature a few times or illegally signed something as my guardian. Whatever the case, I wasn’t supposed to let Mom in on the secret.

At first, it’d been thrilling to keep the news from her. But now, a few weeks after the sessions had started and I’d already improved so much, I was kind of scared. What if she did learn about them and stopped them, and I never got any better than I was now?

I wanted to be the best I could possibly be.

After Reese worked out a new time to meet later in the week and Dr. Besby went on his way, she turned to me with a cheery smile while she rubbed her hands together. “I don’t know about you, but all that talk about ice cream made me crave a heaping bowl of orange sherbet.”

I laughed. How had I guessed she’d want that flavor?

As she helped me into my wheelchair, I wondered what it’d be like if I could climb in by myself or downgrade to merely a walker someday. I could get around so much easier that way. I would love to ditch them both, but honestly, I’d take any improvement I could get. Sometimes I got so frustrated about things I couldn’t yet do.

Once we made it to the kitchen, Reese hummed to herself as she fixed me my favorite, Neapolitan, before she got her orange sherbet. Then she sat across from me and went about cutting my ice cream into bite-sized chunks.

I said nothing about how humiliating it was for her to baby me this way because at least she let me eat it myself. My mother still hand-fed me when she was home, oftentimes pureeing my meal to make me drink it through a straw. It might take me twice as long as a normal person, but I could definitely feed myself. I had lots better control over my arms than I did my legs.

“So I have a surprise for you,” Reese started with a wiggle of her eyebrows as soon as we dipped our spoons into our respective bowls. “I told you my parents got me a new laptop last week for my birthday, right?” she started, only for her cell phone to ring.

“Ack. Hold that thought.” Popping to her feet, she hurried to her purse, dug her phone free and checked the screen. “It’s Eva. I better take this. Be right back, kiddo.”

She strolled into the other room as she answered, and I found myself abandoning my bowl to roll closer to the doorway and listen in on the conversation. Eva was her pregnant cousin who’d moved up here from Florida a few months after we had and begged for a place to stay with Mason and Reese. She was beautiful and flashy and had always been nice to me, so I liked her, but I knew my brother wasn’t a fan and only let her stay to make Reese happy.

Curious what she wanted, I stopped just on the other side of the doorway out of sight. It’d become a habit for me to eavesdrop over the years. I don’t think people realized I understood as much as I did, so they didn’t bother to tell me much. Ergo, I usually stole my intel by lingering in passageways, just out of sight.

“Yes, of course,” Reese was saying. “You know I’ll always attend a doctor’s appointment with you, E. You don’t even need to ask. This one’s another sonogram, right? Ooh, how exciting. Yep, I’m free that afternoon.” She paused a moment, then rolled her eyes, “Yeah, the therapy sessions are going great. Wait until you see Sarah again. It’ll shock you how much she’s already improved. I just...” She shook her head and pressed her hand to her brow. “I can’t help but get livid every time I watch her work her heart out.”

I held my breath and leaned closer, scared to hear why she was so mad at me, but also determined to know what I was doing wrong so I could fix it.

“I just...” She shook her head and gritted her teeth. “I want to strangle Mason’s mother. How could she not want something that’s obviously good for her daughter? I know this is probably a crappy thing to say, but I swear, she wants Sarah to stay as dependent as possible just so she can keep getting government-funded checks. I mean, God forbid Sarah learn how to manage on her own so that she can someday move out and live independently. Do you know Dawn still feeds her blended food through a straw?”

I blew out a breath as Reese raged on, relieved to learn her anger wasn’t directed at me. I was used to Mom’s ways, but the longer Reese was around us, the more it bugged her.

“And get this, Dawn hadn’t even heard of the Anat Baniel method? It’s like she doesn’t want to learn any more about cerebral palsy than she has to. And guess what else. I did, like, five minutes of internet research to discover there’s a World CP Day every year on the first Wednesday in October and March is CP Awareness month. Dawn had no idea when I told her. No. Idea. How could someone treat her own daughter this way?”

Satisfied I wasn’t the object of her anger, I rolled back to the table and returned to eating. When Reese appeared a few minutes later, she looked refreshed, as if her rant had actually helped.

Her smile was a lot happier when she grabbed her book bag off the floor and pulled it into her lap as she sat back down.

“Sorry about that. Eva’s letting me go to her next doctor’s appointment. They’re going to take another picture of the baby. I’ll sneak one away from her so I can show you. Anyway, where were we? Oh right. Since I got a new laptop, I don’t need my old one now, so I was wondering if you might want it.”

She yanked her old one from the depths of her bag with a flourish. I gaped at the magenta-covered computer as she sat it on the table and flipped up the lid. “I even changed the screen saver to a picture of you and Mason. What do you think?”

I thought I loved this woman!

“Are you sure?” I asked, itching to grab it and clutch it to my chest.

She laughed. “Of course. Lookie. I have the app for Facebook right here so you and I can message, like, all the time. And this icon is for the fashion design site that we like to visit.” As she showed me more features, tears prickled my eyes.

A few months ago, no one had topped my brother Mason in my book. But Reese was beginning to take his place. If he ever did anything to lose her, I might have to disown him.

Just as I brushed the moisture away so Reese wouldn’t notice my emotions, the back door opened and what do you know, Mason stepped into the kitchen.

“Hey, you.” Immediately lighting with pleasure, Reese hurried to him for a big hug. “What’re you doing here? I thought you had to work this evening.”

“I did, but Noel’s been begging for more hours lately. I let him take my shift so I could come watch one of Sarah’s sessions.”

“Oh, shoot. You missed it. Dr. Besby just left. But Sarah’s doing great. You should see her bicycle her legs. They hardly wobbled at all today.”

Wrapping her arms around his waist, she rested her cheek on Mason’s chest as she grinned my way. “He thinks someday she’ll be able to take a few steps at a time without any kind of help at all.”

“Really?” Mason’s eyebrows lifted with surprise as he kissed Reese’s hair. “That’s amazing. And I see you’ve already given her the laptop too. I missed everything.”

“You can still have some ice cream with us.” Reese batted her lashes temptingly right before she pressed her lips to his jaw.

He chuckled and smoothed a hand down her back. “Eat ice cream with my two favorite girls? How could I resist?”

So Mason pulled out the chair between me and Reese, and the three of us sat together.

I lived for moments like these. Nothing beat family time with Mason and Reese.

As my brother and I snarfed down our Neapolitan, Reese asked, “So how is everything with Noel going? If he’s asking for more hours at work, I guess that means Aspen hasn’t found another job yet, huh?”

“Nope.” Mason licked the last of his ice cream off his spoon. “She hasn’t. But Noel moved his brothers and sister into her place, so now they don’t have to worry about double rent each month.”

“Oh, wow. Noel and all three of his siblings moved in with Aspen? That’s moving their relationship along kind of fast, isn’t it? I hope everything goes okay.”

“Yeah, but they seem pretty resolved to the task of taking care of his younger siblings.” Mason glanced my way and murmured, “Gotta admire the guy for that.”

Reese suddenly brightened. “Oh, that reminds me! Sarah...” She turned to me, her blue eyes twinkling with excitement. “Noel brought his family over this past Saturday, and Aspen told me one of Noel’s younger brothers is your age. They just enrolled him and he’ll be starting at the middle school with you next week.”

I furrowed my brow, wondering why someone had transferred schools when there was literally like only one week left of classes. Hmm. Strange. They must’ve had to move in a hurry if they couldn’t have even waited a few more days.

“I can’t remember if it was Brandt or Colton who was your age,” Reese was saying. “You know, you should say hi to him on his first day. He doesn’t know anyone in town. He’d probably appreciate the welcome.”

“What?!” I gaped at her as if she were insane, because she was insane for even suggesting such a thing. “No way.”

I couldn’t get girls my own age to talk to me. No way was a boy going to give me the time of day. Besides, looking at cute boys lately made me feel all flushed and warm in my belly. It was strange and uncomfortable and no way would I be able to approach Colton, or Brandt, or whatever his name was if he was even remotely cute.

Mason chuckled at my reaction and ruffled my hair. “That’s it, kiddo. You stay away from boys altogether. I don’t want to have to threaten anyone to treat you right for at least ten more years.”

I almost snorted. It was very unlikely that any boy, ever, was going to show any kind of interest in me to even prompt half a threatening from my big brother. But it was sweet that he thought so. Made me love Mason even more.

I was still curious about this Colton-Brandt character, though. So after Reese and Mason left and Mom came home to feed me supper, through a straw, I retreated to my room with my new computer and opened it on my lap before clicking on the Facebook app.

I logged in and went straight to Reese’s page. She had over eight hundred friends. I had no idea how she even knew that many people, but it awed me every time I saw her numbers. Shaking my head, I went into her list of acquaintances and did a search for the name Noel.

She had only one friend named Noel. A Noel Gamble. So I clicked into his page, happy to see it wasn’t private. He didn’t have any Facebook friends named Colton, but he had three named Brandt. I was worried at first that I wouldn’t be able to determine which Brandt was his brother. No one seemed to have the same last name these days. Mason and I didn’t; we’d taken on our different fathers’ surnames. But luckily enough, one of the Brandts had the same last name as Noel.

So I clicked into his page. His profile picture showed two boys together, one older, about my age, and one younger, maybe seven or eight years old. The older one was cute. Way too cute for me to ever talk to face-to-face at school. But growing more and more curious about him, I clicked into his “about” page.

Brandt Gamble was a month younger than I was and lived in Pennsylvania. Hmm, he must not have updated that part yet.

Before I knew quite what I was doing, I swirled my finger over the mouse pad until the cursor was hovering over the “Add Friend” button. When I applied the slightest bit of pressure, the words changed from “Add Friend” to “Friend Request Sent.”

I gasped. Oh my God, no!! What had I just done? I hadn’t wanted to send a complete stranger who was as cute as he was a friend request.

Panicking, I scrambled to figure out how to undo it. Clicking into the request button, I saw the “Delete Request” option and skimmed the cursor toward it. Before I could click on it, though, a new notification popped up, saying, “You are now friends with Brandt Gamble.”

“Oh my God,” I squeaked aloud. He’d actually accepted my request. I couldn’t believe it. A warm little glow of accomplishment lit up inside me.

A second later, a message box popped up.

Do I know you? Brandt Gamble asked me.

Oh my God, times two! He’d just messaged me. My disbelief grew exponentially.

Crap, I should probably answer.

When I reread his message and really soaked in what he’d just asked, I rolled my eyes. Why had he accepted the request if he didn’t know me? Wasn’t the idiot worried about catfishers?

But then I realized I was a complete hypocrite. I’d just asked a total stranger to be my friend on Facebook, so I was no better than him. Except I was pretty sure he was my big brother’s coworker’s little brother, and in my book, that was enough for me to think he was safe.

So I typed, I’m Mason’s sister, just to be sure he was the right guy.

A second later, he asked, Who the fuck is Mason?

I blinked, rereading the word fuck over and over again with a stunned yet secret delight. No one had ever cussed at me before. Maybe that was because I was only thirteen or maybe because of my cerebral palsy, but I liked it. It made me feel...normal.

My biggest dream in life was to be normal, so I decided right then and there, I was going to stay friends with Brandt Gamble, and it was going to be oh-so-blessedly normal.

BRANDT

AGE 13

Noel’s girlfriend, Aspen, was a tiny thing. At thirteen, I was already taller than her and probably weighed more too.

That didn’t mean I trusted her, though.

After Caroline had broken up with her rich prick boyfriend for good, she’d gotten really sick, like I probably should’ve taken her to a hospital or called an ambulance sick. But all I could think about was how much money that would cost and that there was no way we could afford it. So I’d done the next best thing. I’d called Noel.

Twelve hours later, he’d showed up with his best friend, and they’d taken care of everything.

Meanwhile, I’d tried visiting her ex and knocking him around for hurting her. It was too bad the little bitch had been surrounded by his high school cronies. I knew I could’ve taken him on by myself. But as soon as I’d gotten in one good swing, his posse had swooped in and kicked my ass. A black eye, bruised knuckles, and a couple sore ribs later, Noel was there, packing us into his friend Ten’s truck and taking us back to college with him. For good.

It was all so surreal. I was happy to leave, escape that shithole trailer park, ditch the school where everyone thought I was trash, and never see Daisy again for as long as I lived. But it felt too good to be real. I kept waiting for the bad side of all this to strike.

Strangely, it hadn’t yet.

We’d stayed with Noel for a week or so in his apartment he shared with Ten. But there was no room for the five of us there, so Noel’s girlfriend Aspen had let us move into her three-bedroom house with her. Suddenly, Caroline had a room to herself, and Colton and I had our own beds in the room we shared while Noel just...took care of everything. And so did Aspen.

She took us to buy new clothes. Then she enrolled us into the local school. And then...then she fed us. Every day. Every fucking meal.

It was beyond bizarre.

The chick was too nice. It made me suspicious. She had to be hiding something awful. What if she turned out like Daisy and decided she had an appetite for thirteen-year-old boys? Okay, I doubted that part, but just to be safe, I locked the door every night so she couldn’t get in to either Colton or me.

But she just kept being nicer and nicer to us, which made me leerier and leerier. No one was that nice. Something fishy was going on.

That’s why I was keeping a close eye on her, trying to figure out her ulterior motive.

So while Noel was at work, Caroline was holed up in her room by herself, and Colton was wrapped up in a blanket, watching cartoons in the living room, I wandered toward the kitchen to snoop on her.

Colton had taken to Aspen immediately; it was actually Noel he seemed scared of. Idiot kid. But it’d been three years since we’d really seen our big brother, and Colton didn’t remember him. Noel would do anything for us, though. He was the absolute last person to be wary of. Aspen, on the other hand...

She hummed under her breath as if she was happy while she worked in the kitchen, cooking, get this...supper. Why would she cook us supper every single night when our own mother never had? And why would she be happy about it? Something definitely had to be up with her.

She must’ve sensed me in the doorway, watching her, because she glanced over her shoulder and jumped. “Oh!” Then came out the warm, welcoming smile. It had to be fake. “Hey, Brandt. You want to help?”

I shrugged and pushed away from the doorframe. “Sure. What do you need me to do?”

This was good. I could get in close, right under the radar in the guise of helping, and figure out what she was up to.

She opened a cabinet and pulled out some plates before piling them into my arms to set the table.

As I went to work, setting a plate in front of each chair, she asked how everything was going.

With another shrug, I answered, “Fine.”

“Miss your friends from home yet?”

I mumbled an answer because I wasn’t sure if I’d honestly left anyone behind to miss. So far, nope. All the most important people in my life were here in this house with me...and her.

“You know, if you want, you can borrow my computer, go online and get in contact with some of them. That’s totally fine, any time you like.”

I nodded. “Thanks.” I still couldn’t think of anyone I wanted to contact, but I added, “I might take you up on that.” Maybe I could do a little research on Aspen Kavanagh, see if I could dig up any good dirt on her.

She waved me off, telling me I didn’t need to help her anymore, so I wandered toward the front room until I reached her computer. My first Google hit led to her LinkedIn account, saying she was an English professor at the college Noel attended. That was strange. She didn’t look old enough to be any kind of college professor, and besides, I’d seen her searching the newspaper for jobs, meaning she was unemployed, so I figured that page was for another Aspen Kavanagh.

I logged onto Facebook to check her out. The profile picture for the only Aspen Kavanagh I could find showed some literary quote, and that Aspen wasn’t friends with Noel, so I figured it was the account for the other teacher-Aspen. I was about to leave Facebook when a friend request popped up from a Sarah Arnosta.

I squinted at the name, trying to figure out how I knew her. Her pic showed flowers—typical—and her page was private, meaning I couldn’t get any other details without accepting her request. So, I did.

We didn’t have any friends in common, so I popped her a quick message, asking her who she was.

She told me she was Mason’s sister, which made me glance around the room and ask, “Who the fuck is Mason?”

After typing the question, she answered quickly.

He works at the Forbidden Nightclub with your brother Noel.

Oh... right. Now I remembered Mason. At least I think I did. Noel had taken us to some barbecue picnic thing with a few of his coworkers over the weekend, and I was pretty sure I knew which one Mason was.

He’s the one that has the hot brunette girlfriend with the nose ring, right?

A second later, a little bubble popped up, telling me she was typing.

We call the hot brunette with the nose ring Reese, but yeah. That would be them!

I grinned. Mason’s sister seemed cool. But I still wasn’t sure why she’d picked me to befriend. I did a quick check on her page and saw that she hadn’t friended Noel, so she wasn’t the type to just befriend everyone.

But she answered my question before I could even ask. Reese said one of Noel’s brothers would be transferring to my middle school next week. I’m guessing that would be you.

Oh, so she was my age. Sweet. Maybe I could actually get to know someone before starting a new school. I hadn’t exactly been looking forward to the first day.

Unfortunately, yes, that’s me, I typed. Not that I’m excited to start a new fucking school.

Sarah sent a sympathetic frowny icon and said, Who is? I’ve only been here since January. We moved from Florida, and the first day sucked big time. I thought I was going to throw up I was so nervous.

I nodded, glad she got it. Hoping maybe I could get a little intel from her about Aspen, I began to fish a little.

Do you know why we had to move here? I asked.

No. That’s why I was super curious and went snooping on your page. Sorry for being snoopy, by the way. I just know Noel was the guy who worked with Mason that was sleeping with his teacher and got her fired.

My jaw dropped. But...what? Noel slept with a teacher? No...well...

No!

No way.

Before I could tell her she was whack, she kept typing.

And then suddenly he was moving all his younger brothers and sister in with her. But I couldn’t connect the dots as to how that came about.

I immediately typed, Wait, wait, wait. ASPEN was Noel’s TEACHER? No fucking way.

My mind spun. How was this even possible? Aspen—or Noel for that matter—didn’t act like people who’d do something so wrong.

But Sarah typed, Oops. Did you not know that?

NO! Of course, I didn’t know that, because— It can’t be true. Aspen’s way too young to be a college professor.

And my brother wasn’t the type to fuck a teacher.

Was he?

No!

No way.

Reese said she was like a genius child and finished high school when she was fifteen or something, and she looked really young on top of that, so...

I reread Sarah’s words about five times before typing, Are you shitting me right now? Please don’t lie to me, because I can’t believe this. Noel really fucked his teacher? How do you know?

I am so sorry I blabbed. She sent me the sad, begging eyes icon before adding, I heard Mason and Reese talking about it once. I guess she taught one of their classes too.

You HEARD them? I asked, needing a firsthand account and not hearsay to believe such a claim.

Yeah, Sarah confessed. I’m a master at listening in on conversations. No one ever tells me anything directly so I just...eavesdrop.

Un-fucking-believable.

I was so busy gaping into space that I didn’t realize I hadn’t responded to Sarah until she wrote, You’re not going to tell anyone I told you, are you? I really didn’t mean to spill the beans. I thought you already knew.

No. I won’t tell, I assured her. I’m not sure I want them knowing I know, anyway.

Good idea. They might torture you for your source and I don’t want you rolling over on me. I might have to kill you then.

I laughed and typed, LOL. You’re funny.

She sent a smiley face before asking, So are you going to tell me why you guys moved in with Noel and Aspen?

I sighed and ruffled my hair before typing, There’s not much to tell. We had a shitty mom and Noel practically raised us. He thought we’d be okay if he sent home money while he went away to college, but...

You weren’t okay, Sarah guessed.

I’m not sure what overcame me, but I just started typing all my family shit to her. I have no clue if she wanted to become my confidante or not, but she’d asked to know, and I guess I needed to gush to someone because it felt really good to get it all out.

No. We weren’t okay. My little brother Colton got really sick. Then my sister Caroline got knocked up by a douchebag, but she lost the baby or something, I don’t know, but it scared the shit out of us when it made her sick, so Noel came, saw how bad off we were, and just took us back to school with him.

Wow. Sarah added a frowny emoticon and asked, So if something bad happened to your brother and something bad happened to your sister, what bad thing happened to you?

I swallowed, wondering how she knew. Glancing around to make sure no one was looking, I cleared my throat and wiped my face. Then I began to type, Nothing. But at the last second, I wrote, I tried to kick Caroline’s ex’s ass, but his boys gave me a black eye instead.

There, maybe she wouldn’t guess what had really happened if I told her about that.

Sucks, she said, and I blew out a relieved breath, glad she hadn’t picked at the subject.

Feeling more honest than I probably ever had, I wrote, I don’t know how to think about all this.

Oh my goodness, can’t you PLEASE try to forget what I told you about Noel and Aspen, she begged. I’m so sorry. I have no idea why I thought you already knew.

No, no, I answered. That wasn’t what I was talking about. Though I am surprised he didn’t tell us himself, but I guess...why would he? He probably didn’t want us to think bad about his girlfriend.

Which suddenly made me realize why Aspen was being so nice to us. She probably felt guilty and this was her way of redeeming herself.

For some reason, it made me a lot less suspicious of her. It was a relief to find her imperfection.

What are you not sure what to think about then? Sarah wondered

This entire move, I answered. Noel didn’t even ask us. He was just like, get in the truck. We’re leaving. So we all just got in the truck. I lived in that town and went to that school my entire life. I should be pissed he ripped us away from our lives.

It took a few minutes for Sarah to respond, but just as I was sure she’d had to log off, her reply popped up.

I don’t know. Waterford, Florida was the only town I’d ever lived in before. But I didn’t like it there, and would never want to go back. I wouldn’t have been mad if my brother had moved me here...which is kind of what he did, but not really. He moved here to be with his girlfriend—the hot brunette with the nose ring—but my mom just kind of came with him. I live with her. He lives across town with Reese. But it’s kind of close to what you went through. Sort of. Okay, not really! But anyway, the point is, I’m really relieved for a fresh start.

I grinned. Good. Because I’ve mostly been feeling relieved too. I hated that shithole. Everyone thought we were trash because of who our mom was, so only these gangbangers would talk to me. When they tried to get me to join them, they kicked my ass because I said no.

Sounds like your butt gets kicked a lot.

I frowned, not wanting her to think I was a wuss. Hey, I can hold my own, thank you very much! Just not when I get jumped by half a dozen assholes at once.

Sarah sent me a laughing emoticon. I think you needed to join a self-defense class if you got jumped that much.

No, what I needed was to get out of that town, except what if this new place is no better than the last? I’m not going to know anyone.

You’ll know ME.

Relief swamped me that she actually offered her help. So you’ll be there first thing on Monday at the office to show me around to all my classes?

When she didn’t answer within a minute, I added, Pretty please with sugar on top.

Ugh. Add a cherry and maybe I’ll consider it.

How about a cherry on top PLUS my never-ending gratitude, I typed, biting my lip before I added the begging eyes emoticon.

No! Not the begging eyes. You don’t play fair. Fine. We have a deal. I’ll be your guide.

I sat back and grinned, glad Sarah Arnosta had friend requested me.

SARAH

AGE 13

Brandt Gamble was beautiful.

He looked tall for as lean as he was. The shirt he wore made his shoulders appear impossibly wide because the cloth stretched tight over his upper half while remaining baggy lower down.

His chocolate-colored hair held the shaggy look, shorter in the back and longer up front so that his bangs hung down into his eyes, obscuring what color they were.

Face narrow, chin pointed, mouth and nose on the slim side, his features were too well proportioned, only offset by his bruised eye and a single freckle, mole, beauty mark thing hugging the right side of his nose. He reminded me of Sam Winchester off Supernatural.

The dark slashes of his eyebrows were expressive as he studied the hive of students swarming past him with leery suspicion. He didn’t seem to like what he saw at all. Didn’t appear to want to join their flow.

I’d watched him for all of five seconds, ever since he’d stepped from the office and slung his tattered green army book bag over his shoulder before he caught sight of me. As he took me in, every muscle in my stomach tensed. I held my breath, waiting for recognition to light his gaze.

I hadn’t expected him to be so pretty. So tall. So...boy.

Looking at him in real life was so very different from a small, grainy photo on a screen. His flawless beauty made the first traces of uncertainty stir in my gut. I suddenly realized how stupid and naive I’d been to think we could be buddies. In my head, I’d built him up to be the nerdy type, a lonely, awkward boy who got his butt kicked a lot and needed a friend just as badly as I did.

This badass hottie with that couldn’t-care-less aura wrapped around him was so not what I’d been expecting and so far out of my league I probably shouldn’t even be staring at him.

Dang it. And it’d been amazing to talk to him too.

He’d poured out his entire life story to me these past few days. For the rest of the weekend, we’d written to each other constantly, at least once every waking hour of the day. He’d told me I was funny and smart, and I glowed inside. He’d commiserated about his life, and it felt amazing to listen to him pour out his heart to me.

People never brought their problems to me. Ever. Reading all his worries and concerns hadn’t just made me feel normal. It’d made me feel special. And not the kind of special in special needs, how everyone else thought of me, but special special.

Since I’d sworn to him that I’d wait outside the office for him first thing Monday morning to show him around his new school, here I was. But as he barely took in my wheelchair and then glanced away, I realized one startling fact.

He didn’t know.

No one had told him about me.

He hadn’t been writing his heart out to me these past few days and treating me like a normal, regular girl from the kindness of his heart. He’d been doing it because he actually thought I was a normal, regular girl.

I swallowed, and the muscles in my stomach not only tightened this time, but they wound themselves together in complicated little snaking knots. Like Chinese button knots.

I felt like a cheater, as if I’d tricked him into befriending me by not telling him about my condition. But honestly, it hadn’t even occurred to me. Everyone else had always been so eager to tell newcomers about me that I’d never had to explain it to anyone myself. So naturally, I assumed his brother or someone had already filled him in on the whole cerebral palsy, wheelchair, seizures, speech impediment thing.

He was going to be so mad when he learned the truth. No one here wanted to befriend the cerebral palsy girl. What had I been thinking to even hope that Brandt Gamble might?

I was about to wheel away and escape down the hall when I saw him bite his lower lip and glance around him again, as if he was looking for something. And it struck me he was. He was looking for me because I’d promised to meet him.

A ten-second debate took up residence in my head. Approach him like I’d been planning to do before I’d seen him step from the office, or run away like the coward I was. I really—really—wanted to flee. I hated seeing revulsion on people’s faces when they looked at me, and I had a feeling an expression of disgust coming from him would break me.

All my life, I’d thought of myself as some kind of lower life form. My mother treated me as if I were an idiot. She probably had no idea I could actually form rational thoughts and feel feelings all on my own. And Mason...I loved my big brother to death, but he was too concerned about being protective and making sure everyone treated me with respect to realize how trapped I was in my own skin.

It wasn’t until Reese came along and saw me inside my shell of a body that I began to realize I didn’t have to let my limitations actually limit me. I had just as much right to be alive as anyone else on earth. I didn’t have to be ashamed of...well, myself.

Then again, I’d only known Reese a little over eight months now, not all that much time for her to really strengthen my ego. So when I found myself in a situation I wasn’t sure how to handle, I reverted back to my old pitiful-Sarah self, feeling unworthy compared to every other human on the planet.

But Brandt kept hovering there, waiting for me to show. I couldn’t let him down. Plus, I had no idea what I’d tell him when he logged onto Facebook later and demanded to know why I’d flaked out on him.

Beginning to look lost and abandoned, he backed closer to the wall of the hall and tightened the strap of his book bag higher on his shoulder. Unable to let him experience another moment of uncertainty, I motored my wheelchair across the traffic of streaming students and started toward him.

Determined to do this, I plowed forward with maybe a bit too much speed. When he noticed my harried approach, his eyes flared and he stumbled backward to get out of my path. But I turned, following him before braking so fast that the wheels of my chair screeched out a high-pitched whine against the tile floor.

“Uh...” Brandt glanced around him as if seeking instruction as to the proper etiquette when one was accosted by a girl in a wheelchair before he veered his confused gaze back to me.

He had blue eyes, a dark, piercing navy that made the nerves in my stomach shudder madly and my palms turn clammy and gross. I stared up at them a second longer, overwhelmed as he gaped at me, before turning my attention to the computer on my lap. My fingers twitched as they hovered over the keyboard, and I contemplated what to say.

Hi, I’m Sarah?

No, too lame.

Nice black eye.

Ack. That was worse.

Needing to say something—anything—I poked out Welcome to Ellamore Middle School only to erase it and merely say Hey Brandt. Then I looked up at him expectantly. I was so nervous how he’d respond I could hear my heartbeat pound through my ears. What if he laughed at my pathetic-ness, walked away, and never talked to me on Facebook again?

He blinked, his confusion only growing, and I wondered if I should’ve actually spoken the greeting. But I hated talking, so I avoided verbal communication whenever possible.

Finally, Brandt dropped his gaze to the screen of my laptop. His eyebrows bunched with shock. “You—” Then he tilted his head to the side as he reread the message. Blue eyes flashed back to my face. “Wait. How did you know my name?”

This was where I was supposed to confess I was Sarah, the girl he’d been dishing his entire life story to online these past few days.

But for some reason, I just couldn’t do it yet, so I typed I’m psychic instead.

He blinked at the two words and those expressive eyebrows of his arched, disappearing up under his shaggy bangs. When he lifted his attention from my tablet to my face, I wrote, Or maybe it’s written on your shirt.

After reading the next line, he immediately checked out the front of his shirt.

I laughed, making him spear me with a surprised glance. So I finally gave in and wrote, Or maybe because I’m Sarah. Then I bit my lip and waited for the fallout.

But that explanation seemed to confuse him more than all the others.

“Huh?” he said, frowning.

I didn’t have to clarify, though. A moment later, his eyes widened. He zipped his gaze up to mine before scanning over my wheelchair.

“Holy shit,” he exploded just before an appalled expression lit his face as if he couldn’t believe he’d just said that in front of me. Guilt flooded his features as he returned his attention to my face right before he slapped his hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he muffled out and then dropped his fingers to add, “I just...I had no idea.”

I almost acted stupid and asked what he had no idea about, but I felt a little too crushed to bother. My first chance to make a friend...ruined because I’d waited too long to tell him the truth.

Lowering my gaze to my laptop, I began to type out an apology, but the familiar voice of one of the school’s most notorious beautiful, mean girls said, “Hey, you’re new here, aren’t you?”

I looked up in time to see Chloe Hilliard twist a piece of her long, platinum blonde hair around her finger as she smiled at Brandt.

“Uh, yeah,” Brandt answered, transferring his alarmed gaze to Chloe before he looked at me and then back up at her again. “I’m Brandt.”

“Chloe,” she answered with a Cheshire cat smile before she extended her hand past me to shake with him.

She never once glanced down at me, completely ignoring the fact I was sitting right there and had been talking to him. Honestly, I don’t think she even realized I was there. Brandt glanced between the two of us before hesitantly reaching out to shake with her.

Glumly realizing my moment with him was over, I slid my attention downward to hide my disappointment. The screen of my laptop blared up at me, showing off everything I’d written.

I wanted to be mad at him for turning away from me, but after the friendship we’d formed over the last few days, I was mostly just sad it was over.

With a sigh, I began to type, needing something to do to distract myself from the depressing mortification roaring through me. I knew I should probably be used to getting ignored and set aside like this, since it happened so often, but it still had the power to completely humiliate me. I’d been so hopeful about connecting with Brandt.

Pissed at Chloe, I took it out on her, typing: Chloe Hilliard, biggest skank whore in the entire middle school. And now, friend thief.

My heart raced as I typed those words. Before befriending Brandt on Facebook, I never would’ve dared say something so mean. But after reading all his inner potty-mouthed thoughts, it seemed almost...liberating. And yep, as soon as the words showed up on the screen, I felt...freer. Better.

As Chloe asked Brandt what grade he was in, I rolled my eyes over how freaking phony she sounded.

Blah, blah, blah, I typed. BTW, she’s sticking her chest out like that because her boobs just came in, and she wants all the boys to look at them.

Above me, Brandt laughed.

I looked up just as Chloe asked him, “What’s so funny?” only to realize he’d been reading what I’d been typing.

Oh, crap.

Busted.

I slapped the computer closed so Chloe couldn’t see what I’d called her. My gaze went to Brandt, begging mercy.

Instead of ratting me out, however, he tightened his lips, lifted his eyebrows and sent Chloe the worst innocent expression ever.

“Uh...nothing. Sorry.” He scratched his ear and sent me a quick glance before flashing her a bogus smile. “What’d you say again?”

She seemed momentarily uncertain before she blinked and repeated, “I, um, I just wanted to know if you’d like me to show you around, walk you to your first class, you know, stuff like that.”

“Oh.” His eyebrows lifted, but instead of thanking her and taking her up on her offer, his expression turned to a wince. “Sorry, but Sarah already agreed to do all that for me.”

“What?” Chloe asked, her smiling falling flat.

Yeah. What?

Both Chloe and I gaped at him as if he’d lost his mind. He eased a wary step back, looking at me, then back to Chloe, who’d just slapped her hands on her hips and glared.

“Sarah who?”

“Sarah...Arnosta,” he answered slowly, pointing me out.

Chloe finally looked down. Every instinct in me wanted to shy away, to lower my gaze, run and hide. But seriously...Brandt had just chosen me over her.

That felt powerful.

Instead of cowering, I lifted my chin. Victorious.

She sniffed her disgust and let out a little laugh, letting Brandt and I know she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Really?” she asked him dryly. “You want to hang out with the school freak?”

All the power and bravery I’d been feeling deflated like a popped balloon. My body twitched out of my control, making me feel even more like the freak she’d labeled me. I lowered my face to hide the tears pricking my eyes.

Brandt didn’t abandon me and leave with her, though. He said, “Actually, yeah. I’d much rather hang out with Sarah any day of the week than the school’s rudest skank whore who can’t seem to keep her tits out of my face. Now if you’ll excuse us...” He grasped my shoulder and turned my wheelchair, steering me down the hall away from Chloe. “We have class to get to.”

And right on cue, the first bell of the day rang.

I barely heard it, though. I was too busy gazing up at my new hero in awe as he kept moving us along with no idea where he was going.

He sent me a rueful grin and leaned in closer to admit, “I can’t stand bullies.”

My nostrils flared as I inhaled his woodsy scent. Then my head went woozy with joy as I stuttered, “I...I can’t either.”

His expression exploded into the most amazing grin ever. “Then we’ll get along just fine.” Lifting his gaze, he took in the students around us. “Where the fuck are we going, anyway?”

I laughed. Chloe Hilliard had just called me the school freak, yet I couldn’t seem to care. Brandt had chosen me over her.

Life was amazing.

“The other way completely,” I instructed, making him jerk my chair to an abrupt halt.

“Shit, sorry. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

As he wheeled me around to go back the way we’d just come, I could only smile. There was a lot I hadn’t told Brandt in that moment, like the fact I’d just fallen flat irreversibly in love with him.

BRANDT

AGE 14

Colton was having nightmares. About our mom.

It’d been almost a year to the day since Noel had arrived at our trailer house and moved us all to Illinois with him and his now-wife Aspen. Ergo, it’d almost been a year since we’d last seen Daisy. She hadn’t once tried to contact any of us in all that time.

So why in the ever-loving fuck was Colton still dreaming about her?

It worried me.

I mean, what if she’d done the same thing to him that she’d done to me? Just thinking about it made me want to hyperventilate with fear and see red with rage all at the same time. But seriously...not Colton. Not my innocent, nine-year-old baby brother. I would hunt the bitch down and snap her neck if she’d touched him.

Problem was, I didn’t know how to find out the truth without outing myself. The very last thing I ever wanted to happen was for anyone to find out what she’d done to me. I would rather die. I hadn’t even confided in Sarah about it, and I told her everything. It was just too...yeah, I didn’t even like thinking about it.

Blocking it out and forgetting it had ever happened was totally the best plan of action.

Except there was Colton.

Since I didn’t have the balls to just come right out and ask, Hey, did Mom molest you too? the guilt ate at me. Every time he woke up in the night, gasping for breath, I broke. I couldn’t deal with it, so I pushed him away whenever he tried to climb into bed with me, seeking solace. He was usually forced to go to Caroline’s room for comfort.

It still felt odd not sharing a bed with him any longer, or a room with Caroline, for that matter. But I had to admit, all the new space I had to myself was nice, especially on those nights when I woke drenched in sweat and shaking from my own nightmare. No one had any idea anything haunted me too because I didn’t want them to. I pretended my life was fine. Better than ever, because honestly, it was. I loved living here.

Noel and Aspen took care of all the shit I never should’ve had to deal with before. I was free to be a kid and live my life without worrying about anyone else. I could actually think about the future, and I started to believe I might actually get some of the things I wanted these days. I wasn’t about to let one little incident from my past mess with the awesomeness that was my existence now.

But if something had happened to Colton too, and he needed help, like professional help, could I actually confess my own demons to get him that help? I wasn’t sure. I was the only person on the planet who knew about me, and I wanted to keep it that way. Hell, not even Daisy remembered what she’d done, I don’t think. The next time I’d seen her after, she’d returned to ignoring me as if I didn’t exist.

Guilty and worried that I might be hurting my brother by doing nothing and remaining silent, I hurried into my room and shut myself inside alone, glad he wasn’t in here too. After slumping onto my bed, I pulled my laptop on my knees and slipped open the lid, automatically logging into the familiar private chat box before I realized what I was doing.

It had become a habit for me to seek out Sarah whenever I was distressed. She was my sounding board, my voice of reason, my everything. She knew how to make me smile when I was down, how to listen when I wanted to rant, and how to slap some sense into me when I was wrong. Remembering this was the one thing she couldn’t help me with since it was the one thing I’d never told her, I began to shut the laptop when I noticed she’d written a new message since the last time we’d chatted.

Immediately, a calm, cozy, yet giddy ball of warmth ignited in my chest. After all these months, a new message from her still struck me this way. Eager to read what she’d written, I opened the box, glad for the distraction from my own thoughts.

I just got back from speech therapy. Dr. Adler says I’m improving. YAY! So? How did Aspen take it?

For a moment, I had no idea what she was talking about. My mind was still on breakfast where Colton had confessed to Caroline that his nightmares were about our mom. But then my brain cleared, and I remembered how Sarah had sent me the link to an obituary earlier. A high school English teacher had passed away, and since Aspen had been looking for a teaching position—preferably English—for a year now, Sarah had thought there’d be an opening at the high school soon.

I was about to type back and tell her how excited my sister-in-law—whom I loved these days and no longer felt suspicious over—had been over the possibility of a new job when the first part of her message made me close the laptop and reach for my cell phone instead.

Yeah, I know. I had a cell phone now. My own bed, my own laptop, my own cell phone. My life was so much better than it’d been a year ago.

Keeping in mind how her therapist had told her she needed to practice speaking more and writing less, I dialed her number.

As soon as she answered, I grinned. “So can you say the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain?”

“Screw you.”

I laughed. “Close enough.”

“Have I mentioned how much I hate talking?” she lamented.

“Only all the time. Why do you think I called instead of texted?” When she told me I was the worst friend ever, I merely snorted. “Whatever. You love me.”

I would’ve told her how much she’d improved already, after only a few months of therapy, but she muttered a grumpy sound and asked if Aspen had seemed interested in the teaching position.

“Interested? She fucking screamed she was so excited. She literally jumped around the kitchen. And then she burst into tears because she felt so guilty about being happy about some dude dying.”

Sarah clapped. “Yay. Do you think she could get the job?”

I shrugged and picked at a smiley face sticker that Sarah had stuck on my laptop case months ago. At the time, I’d been put out that she’d vandalized my property, but now that it was mostly rubbed off, I kind of missed it. “If she doesn’t, Caroline and I are already planning on taking out another teacher so another job opening will pop up.”

“Oh my God, your family scares me.”

“Hey, as long as you never cross us, you need not be afraid.” She laughed as I affected my voice to sound like the Godfather.

A year ago, I wouldn’t have known how to do that. But Sarah was big into watching all kinds of movies, and so by now I’d beefed up on my cinema knowledge. A smile drifted across my face as I remembered all the different times I’d gone to her house to watch movies. I’d gotten closer to her than I’d ever been to anyone in my life. Sarah was my best friend, and I could tell her anything.

Which was probably why I blurted out, “I’m worried about Colton,” without meaning to.

But dammit! What the hell? Why had I just opened that can of worms?

And right on cue, Sarah asked, “What’s wrong with Colton?”

Yeah, what’s wrong with Colton, you dumbass? Try to talk your way out of this one.

Sarah wasn’t stupid. She was actually one of the smartest people I knew. She’d figure out something else was going on here if I didn’t watch myself.

“I, uh...he’s just been having nightmares is all,” I answered vaguely.

“About?”

I ground my teeth and reluctantly admitted, “Our mom.”

The second of silence that followed made my gut churn with nerves. It felt as if an eternity passed where she’d guessed everything that had happened to me before she said, “It must’ve been really bad there with her to still bother him a year later.”

Hell, yes, it had been bad.

I cleared my throat and tried to press the last part of the sticker I’d just scratched off back on. “Uh...yeah. It sucked there, but I’m worried his nightmares are about...more.”

“More how?” I could almost hear her frowning in confusion.

Glancing up at the ceiling, I tried to figure out what to say, even as I spoke. “I’m not sure. Daisy sometimes came home with guys, or alcohol... drugs. She usually kept all that shit in her room, but I don’t know...what if she dragged Colton in there one day, and you know, did something that scarred him?”

“Well.” Sarah blew out a hard breath. “That isn’t a pleasant thought.”

I rolled my eyes. She had no idea.

“It’s scary that you’re even thinking something like that might have happened to him.”

I knew, but I couldn’t stop worrying. Biting my lip, I asked, “So what do I do?”

“Ask him,” she said airily.

With a snort, I shook my head. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It is that easy.”

Actually, it wasn’t. If someone cornered me and asked me if my mother had ever touched me in the bad way, I’d deny it through my teeth. I was sure Colton would do the same.

To Sarah, however, I mumbled, “Yeah. All right. I’ll think about it.” And just because I felt the pressing need to change the subject, I said, “I think Caroline’s seeing a new guy.”

“Really?” Interest laced her voice. She was such a sucker for romantic stories and juicy gossip. “Why’s that?”

“Well...she’s been dawdling in the shower. I mean, seriously hogging up more time than ever before. And then, late last night, Colton tried to crawl into bed with her after one of his nightmares, and she wasn’t home yet. When he asked her about it this morning, she was way too elusive, totally trying to hide something.”

“So you automatically assume new guy?”

“Hell yes. I know my sister. She’s definitely in her new-guy daze. But I’m not sure if I should be happy that she’s finally moved on from the asshole who hurt her last year, or worried because she feels the need to hide this guy.”

“Yeah, that is strange that she’s keeping him a secret. Unless...”

“What?” I demanded.

“Remember when Aspen and Noel got married and I told you how she and the best man kept checking each other out?”

I laughed. “Ten? You think Caroline is sneaking off with Ten? No way. That’s whack.”

“It would make sense why she’d keep it a secret. I mean, Mason is always telling Reese how Noel warns Ten to stay away from Caroline.”

“Yeah, but that’s just Noel being Noel. You really think Ten and Caroline are hooking up? I just can’t see it.”

“That’s because you’re completely blind to the ways of love.”

“Okay, now you’re whack.”

“Hey! Rude much?”

Laughing, I said, “Fine. Five bucks says Caroline’s mystery man is just some douche she knows we wouldn’t approve of and not Noel’s best friend.”

“Make it twenty.”

I wavered. Damn, she sounded so sure of herself. Maybe...but no, not Ten and Caroline.

I must’ve waited too long to answer because Sarah snickered. “Coward.”

Unable to back down now, I scowled. “Fine. Twenty bucks.”

Less than a month later, I lost that twenty dollars, but that was okay because Ten paid me one fifty to keep my trap shut about him and Caroline so Noel wouldn’t find out, even though Noel found out, anyway.

I never did ask Colton about Mom, though.

I just couldn’t.

Eventually, his nightmares went away, with some help from Aspen’s best friend, Felicity. But I still had to wonder if Daisy had gotten to him too.

Didn’t matter. He seemed better, and I knew I was better.

Because I had Sarah. She was the one thing I knew I could always rely on.

SARAH

AGE 15

I didn’t hate my mother. But I couldn’t say I loved her.

She’d killed any affection I might’ve felt for her when I’d watched her sell my brother off to the wicked neighbor lady.

It had happened years ago, back when we’d been living in Florida. But it still haunted me to this day.

We’d been a couple months behind on the rent, so Mrs. Garrison had come to collect it since she owned the house we lived in. She and Mom had gone a few rounds, Mrs. Garrison threatening eviction, and Mom begging for leniency.

“Patricia, please. There has to be something I can do to convince you to give me just a little more time. Our next check from the state comes in this—”

“I’m sorry, Dawn.” Mrs. Garrison lifted her hands to cut Mom off. “But I’ve already allowed you to get this far behind. I’m not running a charity case here. You can’t just—”

This time, she cut herself off when Mason entered the kitchen in his car wash uniform. It wasn’t much of a job. He doled out change, scrubbed tires, refilled vending machines, and kept the place clean. But Mason took pride in any job he did. He looked nice in his outfit, and Mrs. Garrison noticed.

Pausing uncertainly in the doorway when he saw that we had company and he was interrupting something, he glanced between Mom and Mrs. Garrison before whipping off his ball cap and murmuring, “Sorry. Excuse me. I was just going to grab a bottle of water before I headed off to work.”

Mrs. Garrison smiled widely at him. “Why, by all means, don’t let us stop you.” She waved for him to pass, even though it was our kitchen and not hers. “It’s nice to see you again, Mason. Having a nice summer?”

He seemed leery as he glanced at her. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

Then he darted by her and yanked open the refrigerator to retrieve his drink. Pointedly ignoring the landlady, though she openly watched him, he glanced at Mom before telling her goodbye. When he finally turned my way, his smile warmed and his shoulders relaxed.

“Be good, squirt.” He teasingly tugged on a piece of my hair before ambling out the back door.

Mrs. Garrison continued to watch the door before she licked her lips and turned to my mother. “My goodness, he’s certainly grown up nice this last year.”

Mom had the grace to scowl at the totally inappropriate comment, but she didn’t say a word in rebuke.

Rubbing her hands together, the landlady gave a delighted sigh. “I’ll tell you what, Dawn. Why don’t you take a little trip this Saturday, leave your boy home alone, and maybe then, if my day goes well, I’ll consider giving you a bit longer of a grace period.”

My mouth fell open. I mean, literally jaw-droppingly open. I couldn’t believe the woman had just said that. To my mom. She was so totally off her rocker.

I expected Mom to ream her up one wall and down the other to stay away from her son. I waited for her to throw the bitch out on her ass. But my mother only pinched up her lips tight with disapproval, narrowed her eyes but then regretfully answered, “Fine.”

I whirled to gape at her, certain I’d misheard her, but no. No, she’d said fine, clear as day.

Mrs. Garrison smiled her approval before clasping her hands to her chest and murmuring, “Good. We’ll talk again on Sunday.” Then she’d strolled out the door like the regal wicked witch she was.

After watching the door click shut, I spun to Mom, hoping to hear some ulterior plan she had to pay the bills, one that didn’t involve Mason at all.

Sadly, she said nothing. She didn’t even look at me as she went about fixing us supper. It was as if she’d forgotten I was sitting right freaking there and had heard everything that had just been said.

For a second, I wondered if maybe she didn’t understand what Mrs. Garrison had meant. But hell, I’d only been ten or eleven at the time, and I’d understood. She’d flat-out sold her own son for rent money. So I figured she hadn’t realized I understood what had just happened, which only made me more upset.

Because if I’d been old enough to understand, then I’d been old enough to stop it.

Except I didn’t.

I never warned Mason. I tried to convince myself that whatever Mason had done that Saturday we’d left him home alone had been his own decision. If Mom had consented to it, planned for it behind his back without even giving him fair warning, then it couldn’t have been as bad as I’d imagined. But deep down, I knew it had been.

I thought Mom would come through and save him, that he’d blow off Mrs. Garrison, that everything would be okay. Except he was never the same again after that Saturday.

When we arrived home that evening, he’d been in the shower. After he got out, he hadn’t looked Mom in the eye, and she hadn’t looked him in the eye.

From that night on, he changed. He visited the landlady more, and she got him a new job at the country club. There, he met other women who paid him for stuff. Bad stuff.

The guilt ate away at my insides because I’d never told him how Mom had set him up, mostly because I didn’t want him to hate me, but also because I didn’t want his affection for Mom to die the way mine had.

He still thought there was some good left in her. He continued to believe her when she told him she was no longer stealing my medicine and taking it herself. He wanted to think things were getting better.

But they weren’t.

When Reese came along to babysit me two years after he’d started selling himself to provide for us, it felt as if all my dreams had been answered. She helped drag Mason out of the hell Mom and Mrs. Garrison had put him in. She sparked to life that part of him that had died so many months before, and when she moved back to Ellamore, Illinois where she was from, she took Mason and me, and Mom with her.

For a while, it was a fresh start for all of us. Mason and Reese moved in together and started their happily ever after. Though her cousin Eva stayed with them for a few months until she met Pick Ryan, owner of the Forbidden Nightclub, and moved off with him, she never really disturbed their love nest. Mom actually stopped taking prescription drugs. And I met Brandt when he moved to town five months later.

For a while, life was great.

But drug addicts had a way of tripping up and falling back off the wagon. When I noticed some of my pills going missing again a few months ago, I knew exactly what had happened. And I knew what would happen if she kept it up. She’d self-destruct.

Once again, I said nothing.

A part of me wanted her to pay for what she’d done to Mason. A part of me wanted to hurt her for treating me as if I wasn’t a real human being, and yet another part of me was just too tired to deal.

I was fifteen years old, for crying out loud, stuck in a wheelchair with a disorder she’d probably caused by her drug use. Mom told everyone I was born premature, and that had caused my cerebral palsy, but I could tell by the look on Mason’s face when she said it that wasn’t true. Since CP came about from complications before, during or after birth, I figured she’d used while she was pregnant with me, or maybe she’d dropped me on my head when I was an infant. Whatever the case, I was just...done with it.

I knew I should’ve told Mason. But he was finally happy, and I didn’t want him to have to worry. So I tried to hide my medicine from her.

Except she always found it.

The day I came home from school and stumbled across her lying dead in bed, I realized I should’ve hidden my medication better, gone to Mason first thing, and not ignored what had been happening around me.

Twice now, I’d kept quiet and my only two family members had suffered because of it.

This new wave of guilt plaguing me was absolutely paralyzing. I couldn’t talk to Reese. I couldn’t talk to Mason, let alone look him in the eye. I basically couldn’t talk at all. I just wanted to die right along with Mom. It was my fault she was gone. No matter how crappy of a parent she’d been, she’d still been my freaking mother, and I missed her.

Yet I’d killed her.

After the police had come and I’d answered question after question through a few typed words here and there, Mason and Reese took me back to their apartment where they’d let me console myself in their bedroom.

My CP always acted up more in times of great stress or excitement, so my body went haywire as I tried to pull my knees up to my chest and hug myself into the fetal position. Squeezing my eyes closed, I focused every thought on going still, but muscles continued to tic anyway. Stupid muscles.

I hoped that if I thought about controlling them hard enough then I wouldn’t have to think about anything else.

That didn’t work.

Mason’s angry voice floated down the hall. Every once in a while, I caught a clear word from him, until I realized he was fighting to get custody of me before Social Services stepped in. Until that moment, I hadn’t even thought about what would happen to me. Steeped in so much guilt, I hadn’t even realized how drastically my entire life had just changed.

My mother was dead. Gone forever. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Now Mason was fighting for me, and I totally didn’t deserve it. If only he knew how I’d betrayed him, he’d send me away to the farthest institution he could find.

The trembling in my body grew worse. I knew that if I let it get bad enough, I’d probably upset my system into having a seizure, so I concentrated on breathing, thinking about nothing but controlling each inhale and exhale.

I felt cold and alone, but that was kind of how I wanted to feel. It was what I deserved. If only I could’ve died instead of her, justice would’ve been served.

But things had a way of making a person want to keep going.

The door behind me opened and a distinctly male shadow fell across the wall where I was staring. Still wanting to avoid Mason and all my guilt, I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping he’d think I was asleep and leave me alone.

But the voice that whispered, “Sarah?” wasn’t Mason’s.

“Brandt?” I whipped my head around to find him stepping into my brother’s bedroom with me.

He stopped a second to take me in. Then a heap of oxygen rushed from his lungs as he rasped, “Jesus,” and strode to me, shoving my wheelchair aside so he could crawl onto the mattress with me.

Pulling me into his arms, he gathered me against his chest and hugged me tight as he pressed his face into my hair. “I can’t believe this is happening. Are you okay?”

I laughed out an incredulous sound. “No. Not at all,” I answered, my voice breaking on the last word. And that wasn’t the only thing that broke. As my eyes filled with moisture, my control dissolved. I buried my face in his shirt and sobbed.

It was the first time I’d cried since finding my mom dead. Until this moment, I’d felt cold and numb, petrified with guilt and fear. But warm and secure in Brandt’s arms, I finally felt safe enough to let go. He absorbed my grief and eased the pain.

Voices down the hall told me how the apartment was filling with people, coming to pay their respects. Sometimes I’d hear a child’s shout, Reese’s quiet murmur, Noel’s regretful condolences, Mason’s reply. But none of that mattered. I was in my Brandt bubble, and I didn’t want to leave.

I’m not sure how long I wept, but Brandt was in no hurry to push me away. He didn’t ask questions or try to get me to talk. He was just there, and that was better for me than anything.

When I settled down enough to blow out a long, exhausted breath, he murmured, “Let’s lie down.”

He helped me onto my side, then he spooned his body up behind mine and curled an arm around my waist. We’d never really hugged before, so it probably should’ve been weird for us to go straight from hugging to cuddling on a bed in just a couple minutes. But it felt strangely perfect. Comfortable, safe, soothingly perfect.

When he said nothing else, I reached back behind me and caught hold of his shoulder, needing just that much more reassurance that he was there for me. I closed my eyes, knowing I didn’t deserve his friendship but appreciating it anyway.

“Mason’s trying to get custody of me,” I said.

I have no idea why I said that. There was so much more I should have told him. Confessed everything, each awful thing I’d ever done, so he’d know what a monster I was, that I was a mother-murderer and a brother-betrayer. But no, I went with something easy and simple that didn’t hurt, that wouldn’t make him want to leave.

“Good. That’s good,” he said. “It means everything...it’s going to be okay.” He stroked my hair gently. “Living with your big brother isn’t so bad. It’s actually been better for me since I have. You’ll see.”

I grabbed hold of his shirtsleeve and squeezed it tight. “Please...don’t...leave me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me. “I’m staying right here with you.”

“But I don’t want to stay here right now either,” I whispered. “I have to...I want to escape all this.” I wasn’t sure what I could escape, but Brandt seemed to understand anyway.

“Okay,” he murmured. “It’s okay. I’ll see to it. You don’t have to stay here. Don’t worry.”

So I closed my eyes and believed him.

A couple minutes later, he stood, kissed my forehead and left the room, saying he’d be right back.

An hour after that, I was going home with him and his family, and the relief made me cry some more.

BRANDT

AGE 15

Sarah stayed with us for almost two weeks after her mom overdosed. I took the couch so she could settle in my room, and she slept in my bed every night. She ate in my kitchen when I told her she needed to eat. She rode in our car with us to the funeral home and cemetery when it came time to bury her mother. And when Noel and Mason’s boss got married a week after the funeral to Reese’s cousin, she attended the wedding with my family.

Both Mason and Reese visited every day, but whenever they showed up, Sarah shut down. She couldn’t look her brother in the eye, and I could see how much that hurt him.

I think it hurt her too, though she didn’t say it. And I didn’t ask. I figured she’d talk when she was ready.

I stuck by her side pretty much all day long, every day. Aspen even let me take off school to stay with Sarah. Then at night when everyone else fell asleep, I snuck into my room that had been Caroline’s before she’d moved out and married Ten, and I crawled into bed with Sarah to console her.

She was always awake and would always clutch my shirt with the tightest grip as if I were some kind of lifeline.

By the twelfth night, I couldn’t take it any longer. She was fading away in front of me, and poor Reese had been crying when she and Mason had left earlier that evening. Something had to change. Sarah had to talk, and since I was the only person she seemed to be speaking to, I guessed this shit was up to me.

She said nothing as I entered the darkened room, but I knew she was awake. I’d spent enough nights with her now to know she didn’t spasm in her sleep, and she was shifting restlessly under the covers as I lifted one corner and slid into the bed next to her. So she had to be up.

I didn’t curl against her as I had the past few nights. Instead, I stayed on my back and stared up at the dark ceiling while she shook, her back facing me.

It struck me just how important she’d become lately, because nothing in the past so many days seemed as essential to me as fixing her. A happy Sarah seemed as integral to me as my own well-being. And she was suffering, so I was suffering.

Needing to stop the pain, I drew in a deep breath and asked, “What did Mason do to you?”

She sniffed as if she were crying. But she answered, “Nothing.”

My return snort told her I didn’t buy that. “If he didn’t do anything wrong, then why are you mad at him?”

“I’m not mad at him.”

When she whimpered, I rolled onto my side and touched her back. “Sarah, you can tell me. It’s okay.”

She curled into herself away from me. “There’s nothing to tell. Mason didn’t do anything wrong.” But then she started crying harder. “He would never hurt me.”

“Bullshit,” I whispered fiercely before taking her arms and pulling her gently against me. I combed her hair with my fingers. “If he didn’t do anything, then why won’t you talk to him? Why are you too scared to live with him? Why—”

“I’m not scared,” she hissed before turning toward me and bowing her head into my chest. “I...I’m ashamed.”

I squinted. Ashamed? That was so not what I thought she’d say. “Ashamed of what?”

“He’d hate me if he found out,” she went on. “He’d never want to see me again. I don’t know where I’d live, or what I’d do. He’d send me away to—”

“Sarah!” I gripped her face in my hands, forcing her to look up. “Shh.”

When she finally calmed down enough to stare back at me, her chest heaving from her anxious breaths, I shook my head. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I killed her,” she croaked, and more tears spilled down her cheeks. “I killed my mom.”

Not expecting her to say that either, I blinked a moment, gaping badly, before a frown overcame me. “Say what?”

No way could Sarah kill anyone.

It took her a minute to quell her emotions enough to talk. But once she did, everything spilled out. “I told you my mom used to do drugs, right? Well, a few months ago, I noticed my bottle of antispasmodic medicine kept going empty before I should be finished with it, so I started hiding it, but...”

She went on, telling me how she hadn’t gone to Mason with her worries or confronted her mom about stealing the medicine. Convinced it was her fault her mother had overdosed, she kept going, confessing more from years past.

What she told me about her brother shocked the shit out of me. But, really? Mason had been a male prostitute? That shit was just crazy. I’d known him for over two years, and I never would’ve guessed that. But the fact that Sarah thought it was her fault that he’d become one was even more ludicrous.

As I listened to her tell me all her deepest, darkest secrets, I wondered why she’d never told me any of this before. But then I realized, I’d never told her my most humiliating secret either. Holding her close when she finally fell silent, spent from all her talking, I kissed her hair and closed my eyes.

“Do you hate me?” she asked into the dark room, and I almost laughed.

“I could never hate you.”

If I hated her, then I’d have to hate myself, because what she’d done was nowhere near as awful as what I’d done.

“Get some sleep,” I murmured, afraid to soothe her from her guilt because I was certain I’d end up spilling my own little confession if she kept making herself feel so shitty. “Everything will be better tomorrow. I promise.”

Thank goodness she didn’t argue with me. Letting out a sigh as if lighter now from unloading some of her burdens, she burrowed close and fell asleep almost instantly.

The next evening, I pounced on Mason the moment he showed up to see her.

“I need to talk to you.” With a discreet glance toward Reese, I added, “Alone.”

Mason and Reese shared a worried look between the two of them, but he nodded and followed me out the back door and into the yard for some privacy.

I couldn’t believe I was going to do this to Sarah. She’d probably never forgive me for betraying her confidence, but I could no longer watch her self-destruct over some unnecessary guilt that I could stop. This shit ended now.

Once he closed the door, I turned and lifted my hands. “First of all,” I started. “How much do you love your sister?”

Mason only blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I can’t tell you anything unless you promise you won’t get mad at Sarah.”

“Why would I get mad at Sarah?” Narrowing his eyes, he took a step closer to me. “What’s going on? I thought she was just upset about our mom’s death.”

I backed up an inch. “Well, yeah. She is upset...and then some.”

“Brandt, you’re not making any sense.” He moved closer.

I only shook my head. “I’ll explain everything when you tell me you can forgive Sarah no matter what?”

Grabbing the front of my shirt, he yanked me close. “Start talking, kid.”

“Okay, fine! She thinks it’s her fault you became a gigolo.” When I shrugged away from him, he was so stunned he let me go without a scuffle.

“What?” He stared at me a moment, then opened his mouth, only to close it a second later. Gripping the back of his head, he spun away, paced a couple feet into the yard, then whirled back and returned to me. “How... When...?” Shaking his head, he finally settled with whispering, “She knew?”

I nodded. Burrowing my hands into the pockets of my hoodie, I began from the beginning, telling him how his mom and landlady set up his first...job...as a hooker. All the while, the shock in his eyes dulled to a numb kind of defeat.

By the time I got to the part where Sarah knew their mom had started taking drugs again, he’d bowed his head and was shaking it miserably at the ground.

When I finished, I gave him a moment to soak everything in. But anxious on Sarah’s behalf, I finally demanded, “So are you going to forgive her or not?”

Mason glanced up. His face was noticeably paler than it’d been when he’d come outside, and his shoulders were drawn in around himself, but his features contorted with confusion. “Why would I forgive her? She doesn’t need forgiveness. She never did anything wrong. Nothing that happened was ever on her shoulders.”

I blew out a relieved breath, but just as quickly shook my head. “I don’t care. She still feels like shit over it. So you need to go in there and tell her you forgive her so she can get over this and start trying to forgive herself for everything she’s convinced she did do wrong.”

Mason glanced at the house before he turned back to me, his blue eyes worried. “Do you think she’ll finally come home if I do?”

I snorted, thinking the answer was obvious. “Fuck, yeah.”

With a nod, Mason swung his attention to the house again. “If you’ll excuse me, then. I need to talk to my sister.”

He started for the back door, but I called, “Hey. Did women really pay you to—”

He turned back so fast I swallowed the last of the question.

With a nervous grin and one-shouldered shrug, I said, “That’s kind of badass.”

Mason only shook his head, horror and regret filling his face. “No. It’s isn’t.” And he reentered the house without another word.

I had planned on telling him I wouldn’t go spilling his secret to anyone else, but I got the feeling he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It reminded me of the things I didn’t want to talk about.

The expression that had flitted across his face mirrored the way I’d felt way too many times. All the guilt and remorse oozing off him made me shiver with a strange kind of kinship with Sarah’s brother.

I guess experiencing sexual contact with a woman you didn’t want affected a guy pretty much the same way, whether she was paying you for it or she was your mom forcing you into it.

Huddling deeper into my hoodie, I shivered again and hurried inside after him.

He and Reese were already in my room with the door closed. I paced the hall, just outside, hoping Mason hadn’t lied when he’d told me he didn’t blame Sarah for anything and hoping even harder that Sarah would forgive me for ousting her.

I was a hypocrite, I knew. If I’d confided in her, I never would’ve wanted her to spread it to anyone else. Yet here I was, hoping she was okay with me doing it to her. Damn, who was I kidding? She was never going to talk to me again.

I began to sweat and bite my thumbnail, pacing a little faster.

Finally, Colton appeared in the opening of the hall. “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing! Go away.”

“Hey, lay off.” Noel appeared beside him, frowning at me. “He’s right. You’re acting weird. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I repeated through gritted teeth. “I’m fi—”

My bedroom door came open, and I whirled around, forgetting my brothers. I held my breath in anticipation before Mason appeared in the entrance. His face was absolutely unreadable, which made my stomach churn with worry. Then he stepped aside and there was Sarah in her wheelchair and her suitcase clutched in her lap.

I sucked in a sharp breath. This was it, then. She was so pissed at me for blabbing she was leaving me.

Cold immediately set into my bones. I was a split second from dropping to my knees and begging for forgiveness when she looked up at me and smiled. She rolled straight to me and then lifted her arms, opening them for a hug.

I just stood there, confused. “What?”

“Thank you for doing what I couldn’t,” she said. “Now hug me already; I can’t hold my arms like this all day.”

Rushing forward, I gave her an awkward hug over the top of her suitcase, but it was still the best hug I’d ever gotten. We clung to each other until I whispered into her ear, “I was so sure you’d be pissed at me and never forgive me.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” She tapped my arm with a playful punch. “I’m never confiding in you again, that’s for sure.”

I pulled away and looked into her eyes, totally not believing her claim. “You know I never would’ve said anything unless I’d known for sure he’d make it right with you.”

When she shrugged but her lips tightened as if she was trying to hide a smile, I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t hate me. You can’t hate me.” Because I could never hate her.

Finally, she sighed in defeat. “Well, it’d be nice if I could. You owe me big time for this.”

With that, I knew everything between us would be okay. Her mother might still be gone, it was going to take time for her to heal, and she would probably still cling to her guilt for a while, but I knew she’d get there eventually, because she’d forgiven me, and since she’d allowed me to stay in her life, I would do everything in my power to help her through this.

BRANDT

AGE 16

After Sarah left my house to live with Mason and Reese, things changed. I have no idea what she’d done to me, but I missed her like crazy. I missed her living in my house. I missed her sleeping in my bed. I missed her just being there, to talk to whenever I wanted.

Somewhere between drying her tears each night and helping her brush her hair each morning, I’d become dependent on taking care of her.

Sometimes I’d tell Noel I was going to the park to play ball with the guys when really I was going to her house instead. Not sure why I lied, maybe because I was afraid he’d tell me I was spending too much time with her. No matter what¸ I wasn’t going to spend any less time with her.

Then, in the evenings, after Mason told me I needed to head home, I’d sneak around to her window as soon as I walked out the front door, so I could crawl in through there and spend more time with her. It wasn’t as if we did anything wrong. We just hung out, watched movies, made fun of posts on Facebook together¸ boring regular friend stuff.

More often than not, I used her window. We just figured it raised fewer questions this way, especially since I usually ended up falling asleep with her.

We had a feeling her brother would have a hard time buying that our relationship was purely platonic if he ever discovered me spooned up behind her in bed some night. So we typically just bypassed letting anyone else know about every visit I made.

I couldn’t get kicked out at curfew if they didn’t even realize I was there. Plus, it was fun to bend the rules a bit.

Sarah was sitting on her bed, watching something on her laptop with earbuds in one evening when I came tapping on her window.

She looked up and smiled when our gazes met through the glass. Then she crawled across the mattress to grasp the window and heave it up.

“I’m not going to make it through this school year,” I complained, even before I started to climb inside. “I’m just not.”

Sarah merely rolled her eyes as she returned to the head of the bed to sit upright against the pillows and pull the laptop back onto her legs. “Who is it today? Aspen or Noel?”

I scowled at her.

Okay, so maybe I’d been complaining a bit much lately about having my sister-in-law working at school as my English teacher and my brother there as my new football coach, but gah...it was freaking embarrassing.

“Noel,” I railed anyway, despite her disinterest. “I mean, he’s only worked there a week, the season’s almost over, and do you know how many fucking suicide drills he had us do today in practice?”

“You know what I can’t believe?” Sarah asked, her attention on the computer and not me. “That you came over here to see me while you’re drunk.”

I blinked, utterly stumped. “What the hell are you talking about? I haven’t been drinking.”

“Oh, really?” She finally glanced up as she arched a challenging eyebrow. “Then why is it, all I’m hearing is wine, wine, whine?”

“Wow.” I shook my head and narrowed my eyes before letting out a reluctant smile and plopping down next to her against the headboard of the bed. “Low blow, smart-ass. Thanks a lot. But fine. I’ll stop whining.”

Honestly, I loved her smart-ass ways. She was always so different when we were alone. At school, she usually retreated into her shell, all introverted. Sometimes it was even hard to get her to talk to me in public. But as soon as she knew no one else was around, she shed the shyness and was my Sarah once again.

A part of me was pleased she was this way. No one else knew how fun and smart and sarcastic she really was, so I could hog her all to myself. I didn’t have to share her with anyone. Then again, I also worried about her because I couldn’t always be around, and her timid, withdrawn behavior made her a bigger target for bullies. The idea of people picking on her unnerved me.

I wanted to kick the ass of anyone who even looked at her wrong.

Glancing at the computer screen that was still stealing her attention away from me, I frowned at what looked to be a YouTube recording of a live comedy show. “What’re you watching, anyway?”

“My new hero,” she answered, her gaze intent on the woman who sat on a stool on a stage and talked into a microphone.

“Really?” I wrinkled my brow. “A comedian?”

“An Arab-American female comedian.” Sarah glanced at me before she added, “With cerebral palsy.”

My eyes widened. Curious about the woman capturing my best friend’s attention, I popped one of Sarah’s earbuds from her ear to plug it into my own. Together we listened to Maysoon Zayid talk about being thirty-three and single.

After a couple seconds, I laughed. She was pretty funny. But that didn’t explain why Sarah was quite this utterly fascinated with her, other than the fact they both had CP.

I tipped her a sideways glance. “You want to be a comedian?”

She blurted out a shocked laugh and then bumped her arm against mine. “God, no.”

“Then why is one your hero?” I was confused.

“Because she’s a freaking inspiration.” She motioned to the screen. “I can’t stand going out into public. I feel so paranoid about what people think, I just want to soak into the shadows so no one will see me, but she actually likes to be in the spotlight. And she’s so good at it. She takes everything anyone could ever discriminate against her and she makes it all a funny non-issue. She’s just...she’s so brave. I wish I could be that brave. I wish I didn’t care what anyone thought of me.”

I stared at her, stunned and a little hurt to hear she felt this way...and I hadn’t known.

“Do you really worry what other people think about you that much?” I’d known she was shy, but I thought that was just because she was...shy. Not worried or insecure.

“Um...yeah. Wouldn’t you worry if you did this all the time?” She lifted her arm, and when it immediately twisted at a funky angle and her wrist curled in, I sighed through a frown, caught her arm and lowered it back to her side.

Honestly, I barely noticed the shaking these days. I actually got a little unnerved by being near people who were too still. But that wasn’t the issue. The issue was—

“You’ve never said anything about it.”

Sarah blinked at me as if I was insane. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me every single day.”

I shook my head, frowning and upset with myself for not catching on to this before. I’d always assumed she didn’t care what anyone thought. But all this time, my best friend had been suffering inside, and I’d been clueless.

God, I sucked.

“Has someone been messing with you?” I asked, remembering how Zach Bledsoe had bullied her last year and even knocked her wheelchair over. After I’d beaten his ass, he’d never bothered her again. That I knew of. But if he was—

“No,” she said, causing my shoulders to fall in relief. “No one even talks to me. They either keep their distance or try to avoid me completely. And the few people who do approach, talk to me like I’m two years old and can only understand, like, five words, or worse yet, pat me on the head.”

“I don’t treat you that way.”

She blew out a breath and sent me a brief scowl. “Well, you’re the only one. You, and Mason, and Reese. But I can’t be around you three every hour of every day.”

Suddenly feeling shitty that I’d been hogging her all to myself, I made myself a promise that I’d bring her to my house more often so Noel, and Aspen, and Colton could get to know her better and help her widen her circle. I even thought up some fellow football players I could force to befriend her. Not that I’d ever let her in on my intentions. She’d probably kill me if she knew.

“Hey,” I murmured. Since she looked as if she were on the verge of tears, I caught her chin and stared her straight in the eye. “If someone can’t look past a little shaking and see what kind of amazing person you are, then they’re a fucking idiot, and you don’t need to befriend someone that stupid, anyway.”

A single tear tracked down her cheek. I wiped it away. “You just being yourself is what made you my favorite person, so just keep being you, okay?”

Another tear wavered in her lashes, but she smiled and nodded. “Thank you. I love you so much.”

My lips parted as all the air in my lungs suddenly went on vacation. Her words rang through my head, blaring so loud they buzzed in my ears. My heart thudded, reverberating out my arms and legs.

Brain unable to function past the fact that Sarah loved me, I blurted, “I love you, too.”

She grinned, her entire face lighting up until she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I swear, her cheeks glowed, her blue eyes sparkled, even her dark hair vibrated with vivacity. Everything in me screamed to lean in and press my mouth to hers.

Seal the moment with a kiss.

But she beat me to it, stamping her lips to my cheek and pulling away before I even realized what was going on.

“You always know how to cheer me up. You’re like the best friend whisperer or something.”

I gulped, too frozen to react. Suddenly glad I hadn’t kissed her, I realized she’d meant a totally different kind of love than I had. Shit, this was humiliating. My face warmed, and I glanced away.

It kind of hurt to know I’d been feeling something so different than she had.

Clearing my throat, I rubbed my damp palms on the legs of my jeans and focused my attention on her window. “Uh...yeah. I guess that’s my one talent.”

“Oh, whatever. You’re great at everything.” Sarah pushed the laptop off her and onto the bed between us. “I’m going to change into my pajamas. Are you staying?”

I didn’t want to stay. I wanted to run and hide. I felt too vulnerable and exposed to stick around. But when it took me too long to speak and she glanced back for my answer, I couldn’t tell her no, so I nodded. “Sure.”

“Great. You can help me brush my hair.”

Dammit, I loved brushing her hair as much as I loved her...like love her loved her. Why the hell had I never realized that until this very moment?

This was bad. This was so bad. What if she found out and freaked because she could only love me as a friend? She’d never once done anything to show any kind of romantic interest, so it was likely I’d scare her away completely if I didn’t control this right now.

Friends. We’re just friends, I commanded myself as Sarah maneuvered herself off her bed and into her wheelchair without any assistance from me. As she left the room briefly, I paced the floor, forcing every lovey-dovey thought I’d ever had for her back into my head.

I felt lots better, and back in control of whatever the hell had just happened when the door opened again, and she rolled into the room. Until I looked up and lost it once more. But she was so pretty in a classically flawless, innocent way. The only word that tumbled around in my head when I looked at her was: mine.

It was freaking weird.

“Sorry,” she said, looking chagrined. “Reese caught me coming out of the bathroom and offered to brush it. I couldn’t tell her you were in here waiting to do it.”

It took me a moment to understand what she was talking about until she motioned to her silky hair that was perfectly brushed.

“Oh,” I stumbled out. “No, that’s okay. No problem.”

I jammed my hands awkwardly into my pockets as I stood there like a dumbass and watched her struggle out of her chair and back onto the bed. My pulse accelerated as she lifted the blankets and crawled under. Then she scooted in enough to make room for me.

When I didn’t move, she finally looked up. “What’s wrong?”

Shit. I hurried forward, quickly saying, “Nothing.”

She sent me an odd look, but then shrugged and lay down with her back toward me. I fumbled as I toed off my shoes. Then I gritted my teeth and silently commanded myself to calm the fuck down. I’d slept next to her tons of times. This would be no different.

Except it felt so completely different.

I held my breath as I joined her on the mattress. She let out a content sigh and I closed my eyes because the sound sent a strange tremor through me. As soon as I rolled onto my side and faced her, the familiar scent of her hair filled my nostrils. I breathed in deeply, loving the scent. Scooting forward, I buried my nose into the silky soft tresses, letting them caress my cheeks.

She had the most beautiful, dark hair. Since she’d moved in with her brother, Reese had taken up the job of styling it and fixing it a lot, so it always looked cute, but I had to admit, I liked it best grown out a little like it was now and floating down around her shoulders.

Her breathing deepened and her shaking calmed, telling me she’d fallen asleep. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pillowed my head into her hair and just...let it all go, glad I’d stayed after all. I loved sleeping with her. It was the most peaceful, stress-relieving time of my day. And I really needed to relieve a little stress right now.

Despite how tense and uncomfortable I’d been moments ago, I was totally relaxed now.

I passed out within seconds with a smile on my face while petting my cheek against strands of her hair.

When I woke up some time later, I don’t think I’d been dreaming because I couldn’t remember any dream. But I was throbbing hard and I knew exactly why. Sarah’s ass was pressed snug against my lap and my hand had somehow found its way under her shirt where I was cupping a naked breast.

Before I was fully awake enough to realize what was going on, my thumb slid over a hardened nipple, which shot a pulse of painful need through my dick and had me moaning and pressing myself harder against her ass.

In the next instant, I woke completely, yelping, “Holy shit,” as I yanked my hand off her breast and jerked my hips backward.

Sarah didn’t even stir. She’d always been a heavy sleeper, but for the longest moment, I was sure she had to be faking it to avoid the awkwardness of this moment, because goddamn, I was wide fucking awake. I mean, I’d just had my hand on her... And my dick had been... Jesus.

I was going to best friend hell for sure.

But Sarah’s body remained still; she was clearly out cold. Thank God.

Sitting up, I wiped my hand over my face. Fear killed my erection as I blew out a shaky breath. I couldn’t believe I’d touched her so inappropriately. Sarah was everything pure and sweet and good. Sex was dirty. Dirty and Sarah should never even be breathed in the same sentence.

So why had I been so tempted to get dirty with her a few seconds ago? Before I’d realized what I’d been doing, my natural instinct had been to tighten my hand around her breast, roll my thumb over her nipple again and press my mouth to the back of her neck for a taste while I humped her ass. And that was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Hell, even watching her now as the moonlight spilled into the room and bathed the back of her bare shoulder with a warm glow, I wanted to reach for her, touch her, kiss that smooth beautiful flesh. And shit, I guess my boner hadn’t completely died because it suddenly sprang back to life.

Cursing myself, I scurried off the bed and shook my limbs, hoping to shake away this disturbing sensation. Visions of my mom kneeling in front of me and taking me into her hand as she poised her lips over the head of my cock sent a sick chill to my stomach. A tremor of dread and revulsion moved through me as I yanked on my shoes, then fumbled to open the window latch and crawl outside.

The temperature had dropped, but I relished the cold. I wished it could freeze all the bad from me so I could never ever get aroused by Sarah again.

The next morning, I was still disturbed by what I’d nearly done to her and had ached to do to her. I managed to avoid her before the first bell rang. We didn’t have first hour together, but we did share a study hall second hour. I made sure to slip in late so all the seats around her would be full. I found a spot all the way across the room and in the back to sit.

She, of course, didn’t even notice. I don’t know how she did it, but when the girl studied, she put all her attention into her work. And as she stared down at one of her textbooks, reading, I couldn’t take my eyes off the pen she was chewing on, or more specifically off her lips where they were wrapped around the barrel.

Why I had never realized she had the most amazing lips until that moment, I’ll never know. Her cerebral palsy sometimes made them purse in the most adorable ways. But I could suddenly picture them wrapped around my cock as I pushed deep and slow into her mouth.

Seconds after that mental picture had my jeans growing uncomfortably tight, the vision of Daisy doing that to me surfaced. Bile rose in my throat and my erection shriveled. I turned my attention from Sarah, feeling filthy. I couldn’t believe I wanted to do such base, disgusting things to my favorite person on the planet. I was no better than my monster of a mother.

For the rest of the day, I avoided Sarah. I had to. I couldn’t look her in the eye without the guilt slaying me. If she knew what I’d been thinking she’d be disgusted.

I had to get these stupid hormones under control. To do that, I tried avoiding her.

Three days passed before she finally messaged me, realizing something was different.

Hey, I haven’t seen you in a few. Are you okay? You’re not mad at me, are you? Did I do something wrong?

So innocent. So sweet. And she’d automatically thought she was the problem.

Now my stomach burned with even more guilt and self-revulsion.

You mean you actually CAN do wrong? I wrote back immediately. Impossible. Of course, I’m not mad at you, dork. Just been busy. I’ll visit again as soon as I can.

Which meant now I had to visit. Soon. And be normal about it.

She wrote back, You’re right. I am flawless. I don’t know what I was thinking. Can’t wait to see you again when you have the time, I’m going to make you start watching a Smallville marathon with me.

I smiled. Watching Smallville with her actually sounded wonderful.

I’d visit her tomorrow.

But the next day, I bumped into the hottest senior girl, Shayla Birmingham, in the halls. I mean, literally bumped into her, making both of us spill all our books onto the floor. We laughed it off and then crouched at the same time, helping each other pick up our things before going our separate ways again.

The next hour, my phone buzzed with a new text.

Hey, this is Shayla. I think we switched phones when we collided in the hallway.

Oh, shit. She was right. I had her phone. My black case was a lot more scuffed than this one.

We texted a couple more times to figure out the best meet and exchange times until we decided I’d just pick it up from her house after football practice since she was busy with cheerleading until then.

She sent me the smiley face emoticon more than once and told me I was funny because of the way I worded things. But I didn’t think I’d impressed her that much, not until I showed up at her place that evening and she invited me in before telling me her parents were gone.

Then she shoved her tongue down my throat and her hand down my pants.

Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either.

But I was a horny teenage boy, she was a pretty girl known for getting around, and Sarah only saw me as a friend.

So what followed was primal filth full of sweaty moans and a couple of classic claw marks.

The next day when I saw Sarah, I paused in the hallway about ten feet away, watching her sit in her wheelchair as she dug a book from her locker. Even though I felt guilty as hell, I knew I shouldn’t because no matter what I felt for her, she didn’t feel that for me, meaning I hadn’t cheated on her. It could only be cheating if she felt the same way I felt, right? And if she had felt the same, then I wouldn’t have done anything with Shayla anyway. So my instant guilt was a moot point.

Bottom line was, Sarah only saw me as a friend, which meant I was going to have to get used to doing things with girls who weren’t her, because my time with Shayla had settled something inside me.

It was as if I’d gotten every animalistic urge I’d been having out of my system. And now...now I sensed I could go back to just being Sarah’s friend and not wanting more. The moment she closed her locker and saw me watching her, I didn’t immediately focus on her mouth and want a blow job. I just saw my friend.

And that was how I needed to keep it.

From that point on, I knew what I had to do to keep life between us clean and pure.

Though I didn’t tell her anything about what had happened between me and Shayla—or any other girl who followed—word got out, and I became “the man” for being the only sophomore to score with the head senior cheerleader. Sarah would’ve had to be deaf and dumb not to hear about it, but she never said anything to me, so I never said anything to her. And that’s how our friendship continued. I kept my sex life private while everything else in me belonged to her.

SARAH

AGE 18

I was full of butterflies. Not just in my stomach. I swear they’d gotten loose from there and were fluttering throughout my entire body, because I was driving all on my very own.

In my own car!

After getting permission from the doctor, going through hours of a special driver’s training class, and getting an SUV to hold my wheelchair on a ramp from the back and hand controls, since my arms worked better than my legs, I finally had a license!

The first place I went—after a twenty-minute talk with Mason to assure him I was going to be okay—was Brandt’s house. It was his birthday and he was set to pick me up in an hour for dinner out to his favorite restaurant. But I wanted to surprise him with my new license and car.

I had a little more difficulty getting out of the vehicle after I parked in front of the Gamble house than I’d had getting in it. Of course, both Mason and Reese had been hovering and were overly helpful getting me into my seat when I’d left home. I inched my way to the back where my chair was. Lowering it to the curb was a bitch. I almost called Brandt to come out and get me, but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise, plus I wanted to be able to do this all by myself, so I gritted my teeth and just powered through.

It was a good thing I was a patient person, otherwise I would’ve gone batty years ago from all the frustrations my CP gave me. I was still cursing under my breath by the time I finagled my way into my chair and was wheeling up the driveway. No way was I making it up the steps to the front porch, so I went straight to the back where Brandt had rigged up a ramp for me last year.

Being such a frequent visitor, I didn’t bother to knock. And since I was still going for the element of surprise, I didn’t immediately call out a greeting. I hadn’t seen any vehicle in the driveway except for Brandt’s, so I figured he was home alone.

Glad I had my quiet chair today, I snuck down the hall toward his room, unable to contain my grin. I couldn’t wait to show him my new license. He would understand more than anyone how much this little show of independence meant to me. Mason had never once made me feel like a burden, but I’d felt like one to him anyway, ever since Mom had died and I’d moved in with him and Reese. I either wanted to help more or at least be less needy for them. And this was the biggest step I’d taken in that direction.

Tonight was going to be a double celebration: Brandt finally catching up and turning eighteen with me, and me for becoming liberated. I was so caught up in my happy little bubble that I didn’t hear the girl until I was only a few feet from his door.

Jerking to a halt when her laughter floated into the hallway, I gaped at the place his door was cracked open until she spoke again. My heart suddenly beat so loudly through my head it was hard to hear anything else for a second.

And then, a familiar voice of a girl in my trig class—Hope, I think her name was—said, “Well, when you texted, saying you were home alone, I just couldn’t help swinging by and saying happy birthday in person.”

“Mmm,” Brandt hummed out his pleasure from deep in this throat. “And what a nice birthday present it was. Thank you.”

Oh, crap. He was with a girl. Like with a girl. Having sex.

My face heated suddenly as I started to wheel backward from the door. Pain ricocheted through my stomach and my fingers went cold and numb. It became hard to maneuver, so I just stopped and squeezed my eyes closed, continuing to listen to everything they said.

“But...time to put your clothes back on, sweetheart,” Brandt told Hope. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh as if he’d just spanked her bare butt shot from his room. “I need to take a shower before I head over to Sarah’s house in an hour. She’s treating me to supper tonight.”

God.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about him talking about me when he was naked with another girl.

I knew he wasn’t a virgin or anything. I’d heard the rumors, I wasn’t stupid. But he never told me about any of that, so it was easy to just pretend none of it happened.

I was just his friend. I shouldn’t be bothered by what he did with other girls, anyway.

Except I was. As I sat there, listening to Hope coo, “Aww. I think it’s so sweet how nice to her you are,” I just wanted to claw her eyes out.

I wanted to cry. Or scream.

Or cry while I was screaming and clawing her eyes out.

I wanted to burst in there and drag her out by her hair. And then I wanted to hit him in the chest.

Except I had no right. I was just his friend, and honestly, until this very moment, I’d always been perfectly content about that. But hearing him with someone else flipped some kind of switch inside me.

I think I was in love with Brandt. Like love-love, the gooey, kissy, get married, make babies and live happily ever after kind of love.

Holy hell. When had that happened? I’d always thought he was beautiful. I loved his heart and wanted to spend more time with him than anyone else, but I’d never had any sexual interest in him. Until now.

I definitely did now. I was so painfully jealous that Hope had been able to see and touch parts of him I never had.

“Why wouldn’t I be nice to her?” Brandt was saying. His voice went momentarily muffled as if he’d tugged on a shirt while he was talking. “She’s my friend.”

Just friends, I reminded myself. Nothing more. If he’d ever wanted more from me, he would’ve said or done something years ago to let me know, instead of losing it to Shayla the cheerleader slut, right?

“Yeah, but...not really,” Hope said, making me frown as I wondered what that meant.

Brandt sounded just as confused as he asked, “What do you mean, not really?”

“I mean...I don’t know. She drools!”

My hand shot to my mouth, and my face went hot when I realized, yep, there was moisture collecting at the corner of my mouth. How humiliating. I wanted to cry out that I couldn’t help it, but I definitely didn’t want them knowing I was here now.

In Brandt’s room, he said, “Excuse me?” in a slow, deadly calm voice.

I’d known him long enough to realize that was his getting-pissed voice.

“It’s okay; you can be straight with me. You’re only nice to her because she’s...you know, handicapped, right?”

“No,” he growled. “Not right. I’m nice to her because I honestly like her. It’s not just some pity friendship. Fuck drool. Sarah is one of the most important people in my life. I love her.”

Warmth spread through my chest. I knew he didn’t mean his words in the full capacity that I wanted him to, but they filled me with this overwhelming sensation that almost made it hard to breathe because my heart was so bursting. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

It was bittersweet, as sad as it was lovely. I kind of wanted to weep happy tears mixed with depressed ones.

Until Hope sniffed. “Love? Yeah right. If her drool and wheelchair don’t mean anything to you and you love her so much, then why am I the one naked in your bed, and not her?”

That was actually a very good question. Brandt had never once made a romantic move toward me. He’d never kissed me or even come close to kissing me. He’d never once crossed the line of friendship. But if he loved me as he claimed, then yeah...why? What if it was because of my CP?

Instead of answering Hope, however, he snarled, “You’re about to be naked on my front porch if you don’t stop pissing me off. Sarah is off limits to you.”

Wow. My eyebrows shot up at that possessive little claim. It kind of made me feel bad for thinking he’d ever held anything back from me because of my condition. He really did love me. Just platonically.

“Jeez, Brandt. Calm down. I’m just trying to understand. She’s pretty enough when she isn’t writhing around. So why—”

“Because she’s my friend, and you don’t go fucking up your friendship by sleeping with that person. Not that it’s any of your business, anyway. Now, could you put your clothes on already?”

Oh, so that was why. Hmm, I wasn’t sure what to think of that. As I wondered if that was the only thing holding him back, Hope whistled.

“Wow, you’re really mad, aren’t you?”

“You just insulted my best friend. What’d you expect me to be?”

“You just had sex with me. I expected you to be a little less protective of another girl? You’re kind of making me feel as if you’re choosing her over me.”

“Hope, Sarah will be my friend forever. You...well, who knows how long you’ll stick around. I’ll always choose her over anyone.”

I’d heard enough. I wasn’t sure whether I should be thrilled because he so adamantly defended me or sick to my stomach with regret because he even felt as if he had to. Or disappointed in him because he was treating a girl he’d just slept with so rudely.

Spinning in my wheelchair, I hurried back to the kitchen as the argument in his bedroom escalated so that I could pretty much hear it as plainly as I had just outside his doorway.

“Oh my God, you are such an asshole. I can’t believe I let a jerk like you inside me.”

“Hey, you’re the one who showed up here, looking to get laid. I didn’t chase you down. I didn’t beg you for it. I think you got exactly what you wanted.”

“Yeah, until I found you were a sicko freak fucker.”

“That’s it!” he roared loud enough to make the walls shake. “Get the fuck out of my house. Right now.”

“Let go of my arm, you bastard. Hey! I’m not finished—my shirt!”

“You can finish getting dressed outside.” I heard their footsteps march through the house until the front door came open.

“You’re such a—” The slam of the door muffled out whatever name Hope was going to shriek at him next.

I jumped and pressed my hand to my mouth.

A second of silence passed before Brandt snarled, “Son of a bitch,” quickly followed by the boom of something crashing to the floor in the front room, quickly followed by shattering glass.

With another startled jolt, I squeezed my eyes shut, but tears still trickled through.

Brandt was a very physical person. He ruled the football field whenever he played and had gotten in quite a few brawls over the years, but he’d never been violent. I wasn’t scared of him now either. I was kind of scared for him, though.

He’d just lost Hope because of me.

I never realized how much flak he received just for being my friend. The thrilled excitement I’d felt when entering this house had morphed from a cold, sick jealousy and then into an honored joy that he loved me, but was now becoming bone-crippling guilt.

I could handle the bitter pill of only being his friend, but I never wanted him to suffer because of it.

Maybe I should just go. I was no good for him. And now, I was only going to be pathetic, pining after him when he didn’t think of me in the same way at all. This sucked so bad.

I turned for the door, but as soon as I opened it, wheeled down the ramp, and turned the corner of the house to see my new car, I slowed to a stop.

We still had plans to meet. He was going to show up at my house within the hour if I didn’t stick around. Mason and Reese would be as confused as hell if I went home now. And I couldn’t cancel on him. It was his birthday.

Blowing out a breath, I lingered outside a few minutes, letting the cool October air wash over me and cool my nerves before I returned to the house. Brandt must be the speediest shower taker on earth because when I opened the screen door and re-entered the kitchen, he strolled in seconds later, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, no shoes, as he rubbed his hair dry with a towel.

Jerking to a halt when he saw me, he blinked and then smiled. “Hey. How’d you get here? Did Mason drop you off? I was planning on picking you up, you know.”

I shrugged, suddenly shy, all the while unable to stop wondering where Hope had touched him and kissed him.

“I know,” I murmured, my cheeks warming as I glanced at my lap. “I just...” What the hell was I doing? This was Brandt, the boy I’d known better than anyone else on earth for five years. I could look him in the eye when I talked to him.

Forcing my face up, I gulped when everything inside me felt funny for merely looking him in the eye. What was wrong with me? Everything felt so different.

Sensing the change, Brandt cocked his head to the side and stepped forward, his eyes filling with worry. “What’s wrong?” Then something passed over his face. “How long have you been here?”

He must be wondering if I’d caught him with Hope. The last thing I wanted was for him to know I knew about that. So I said, “I just got here. I...drove.”

His brow crinkled. “You...drove?” A second later, his eyes widened. “Holy shit, you got your license?”

Finally—freaking finally—I was able to smile a genuine smile as I beamed up at him. “Yes.”

“Oh my God!” He swept forward and scooped me out of my chair to hug me and twirl me in a circle as he laughed out his joy. “Congratulations! This is amazing. I knew you could do it.”

I closed my eyes as my nose smashed against his shoulder. He smelled of fresh soap and shampoo, like Brandt. My Brandt. Another twinge clipped at my heart, thinking about another girl sniffing my Brandt as he lowered me back into my chair and stepped back to grin at me.

“Whose car did you drive?”

Pride burst in my chest, even though it was laced with sadness as I said, “Mine. Mason and Reese along with Pick and Eva chipped in to buy me an SUV with a wheelchair ramp on the back.”

“No shit? That’s so awesome. Let me grab my shoes and we can check out your new ride. This is amazing. I’m so proud of you, Sarah.” He stamped a quick kiss to my cheek before racing from the kitchen and calling over his shoulder, “We’re taking your wheels to dinner, by the way!”

He sounded so happy for me that my heart cracked just a little. I loved this man. I loved everything about him. So I’d stop my feelings from straying to places they didn’t belong. Because the last thing I wanted to do, ever, was lose him.

BRANDT

AGE 22

I arrived to work early. Pick had hired a new bartender. A chick. Probably the first chick to ever mix drinks behind the counter of the Forbidden Nightclub, and I didn’t want to scare her off by the state of things.

But the place was a freaking pigsty. Hardly any of the douchebags I worked with these days cleaned up after themselves. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d come in to stale beer stains puddled on the floor or the cash drawer not even counted and cleared.

I missed the days when the old crew used to work here, like Noel, and Mason, and Ten and those guys. They knew how to keep a place in tip-top shape.

But most of them had moved on and gotten better-paying jobs elsewhere before I’d even been hired. About the only two stragglers left from the original gang were Asher and Knox, and neither of them were full-timers. Knox was turning out to be quite the boxer and had worked his way into paid fights, while Asher...rock star and all that. Both of them only worked maybe a night or two a week, so the other five to six nights were left to me to take care of shit.

Hence the reason I was here now, mopping the fucking nasty floor before we opened. After that, I knelt down behind the counter to check the tanks hooked up to the tap, and while I was down there, the front door of the club burst open before an irritatingly familiar voice boomed, “Yo! Big bro! Where you at?”

Closing my eyes, I groaned before I straightened to send the teen a scowl. “What’re you doing here?”

“There’s a home basketball game tonight. Thought I’d hang there after popping by here to say hey to you.”

Grabbing a nearby towel, I wiped my hands clean. “I thought Aspen grounded you.”

“I know, right? Wasn’t that cute of her to try?” Plopping onto a stool across the bar from me, Colton tapped his fingers along the countertop while he studied the row of alcohol behind me as if he were trying to make up his mind on what to order.

I shook my head. “You sure you want to cross her on this? She was pretty pissed at you. I mean, you snuck a girl into your room. To have sex. While we were all in the freaking house. Not even I have done that.”

“I didn’t exactly sneak her in. We came in through the front door, very unsneaky-like. Totally wasn’t my fault everyone was already asleep when we landed, otherwise I would’ve introduced her.”

After tossing the towel aside, I got busy filling bowls with beer nuts. “Oh, so you would’ve asked permission to fuck her in your bed if Aspen and Noel had been up?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” With a grin, he reached over and snagged a handful. “Can I get a Crown and coke?”

“Fuck no.” I smacked away his hand when he reached for more nuts. “Why don’t you go back home and suck up to Aspen? Maybe she’ll forgive you for breaking your grounding.”

“Aspen loves me. She’ll forgive me anyway. How about a Tom Collins?”

“How about you get lost? I’m not giving you alcohol, idiot. You’re underage. You want me to lose my job?”

Colton let out a long, dramatic sigh. “Fine. Be a loser.” Tapping his hand once again along the bar top, he glanced around to watch the waitresses set up the tables before turning back to me. “So where’s this new bartender chick you said was Halle Berry hot? You’re going to try to hit that, right?”

I shot him a killer glare, silently commanding him to shut his pie hole, right about the time someone cleared her throat behind him. “She’s standing right behind you, jackass.”

I froze as Colton and I shared a glance. Shit; the little prick had just shoved me face-first in a pot of boiling water. As he swung around, I glanced past him to find Julianna glaring, her arms crossed over her chest and one toe tapping against the floor.

Yep, she was pissed.

She was probably going to be impossible to work with now, thinking I wanted to score with her. And if Colton wasn’t careful, I might also be down a brother before the night was over.

But did the idiot immediately start gushing out an apology? No, not Colton. He didn’t even blush, merely blurted, “Holy shit,” before he swung back to me and extended a fist to pound it out as he grinned. “Nice.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Put that away, dumbass.” Upsetting my new coworker was the very opposite of nice.

Colton wasn’t apologetic, though. He whirled back to Julianna and held out his hand to shake with her. “I’m not really a dumbass. The name’s actually Colton. It is so nice to meet you.”

Julianna merely lifted one eyebrow. “Yeah, I’m not impressed.”

Undeterred, Colton shrugged and kept smiling. “All part of the plan, baby doll. I hate setting the bar too high on first impressions, you see. That way, when I actually do something decent, you’ll be dazzled instead of only mildly bored.” Tipping his head to the side, he studied her a moment before murmuring, “I can’t believe he called you a Halle. You are so not a Halle. You don’t have her cheekbones and your nose is too wide.”

Croaking out a sound of disbelief, Julianna looked hurt and pissed all at the same time as her mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”

Colton snapped his fingers and pointed. “You’re a Rihanna. She’s like ten times naughtier than Halle could ever be, anyway, which totally just...rocks my world. The dirtier the chick, the hotter she gets. Am I right?”

When he glanced my way, honestly expecting me to back him up, I growled, “Colton,” in the hopes he’d shut it already.

But the idiot just shook his head, confused. “What? So I’m a Rihanna kind of guy. Sue me.”

As I pressed my hand to my face, shaking my head, Julianna opened her mouth, most likely to lambast him with some kind of cutting remark. Quickly, I popped between them. “I am so sorry; this clown just wandered in. I have no idea who he is.”

“I’m his brother,” Colton announced proudly.

I shot him a killer glare. “He’s leaving.”

“I just got here.” He transferred his grin to Julianna as she joined me behind the bar. “Hey, could you hook me up with some sex on the beach?”

My coworker whirled to send him a look that actually made me worry for his balls. “Sex on the what?”

But he only smiled and lifted his hands harmlessly. “I meant the drink...of course.”

I sighed, realizing I should probably save him before Julianna maimed him beyond repair. “Don’t bother, Juli. He’s only seventeen.”

“But I won’t be forever.” Colton wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Juli, huh? You are so invited to my eighteenth birthday party, Juli. It’s this June. You’re free in June, right?”

Oh, Jesus. He had no notion of self-preservation at all.

“Will you get lost already?”

“But I came here to talk to you.”

“I figured. Except I didn’t care what you wanted the minute you walked in, and I still don’t care now. So scram. You know you can’t be here once they unlock the doors.” Not until he turned eighteen.

“No, seriously, Brandt. I need your help.”

He sounded fervent enough to catch my attention. So I lifted an eyebrow and focused on him, all my protective instincts flaring to life. “What’s up?”

“I need to borrow Sarah.”

Totally not expecting him to say that, I shook my head and blinked. “Say what?”

“Yeah, I need her mad computer skills so I can have a bit of help hacking into my student account and change my last American History test from an A to a B, possibly a C.”

I blurted out a surprised laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You want to lower your grade?”

“Hell, yeah. I’m already bordering on becoming salutatorian of my class, and I don’t want to look too smart.” He winked Julianna’s way. “People might start getting nasty expectations.”

“Trust me.” She flashed him a smirk. “I don’t care what your GPA is. I still think you’re an idiot.”

“See.” He grinned at me as he motioned toward her. “A woman after my own heart. You should just step aside and let me have her now.”

When I only stared at him with a look that clearly told him how much of a dumbass he was, he lifted his hands. “So what do you say? Be the best brother ever and hook me up with a little Sarah time? She can hack into school records, right?”

“She’s not for rent, asshole. Leave her alone.”

He sighed, losing a bit of patience as he sat back. “You know, I could go straight to her, right?”

“Then why didn’t you?” I turned away to make sure everything was set up and good to go before we opened the door to paying customers.

“Because you always get surly and protective whenever I merely mention her. So out of respect for you, I came here first. Plus...if you put in a good word for me, she’d be more inclined to help ya brother out.”

No, she really wouldn’t. But I didn’t tell him that. “Leave Sarah the fuck alone.”

“But—”

“I said no.”

“Who’s Sarah?” Julianna asked, making me jump because I wasn’t aware she’d been listening in. “Your girlfriend?”

“What?” I spun to her with a frown before shaking my head. “No. She’s just my friend.” Directing my hard gaze back to Colton, I gritted out, “And she’s not to be fucked with.”

He must’ve realized he’d lost all ground with me because he let out a long, aggravated sigh and swung his feet to the floor before standing. “Fine. Be an ass. But if I end up getting a goddamn A in the class, you better not call me a fucking nerd.”

I sighed. “Just go home, nerd. Finish your grounding like a good boy.”

“Screw you.” He flipped me the bird before glancing at Julianna and winking. “I’ll be back for you when I turn eighteen.” And then he strolled away.

A ten-second silence followed his departure before Juli started in. “So...that was your brother?”

Bracing for the tongue-lashing she no doubt wanted to give me, I swung to my coworker. “I am so sorry. He’s clearly been dropped on his head a few times too many.”

She watched me a second before murmuring, “All right then.” Expression transforming into a grin, she kept smiling at me over her shoulder as she turned to grab a glass. “And that thing he said about you trying to score with me?” She filled the cup with ice. “That true?”

I blinked, totally not expecting her to ask that. Since she sounded more intrigued than offended and she was still smiling, I lifted my eyebrows. “Well, I don’t know,” I hedged. “Do I actually stand a chance?”

She laughed, a full, throaty sound. “If you honestly called me Halle Berry hot, then hell yeah.”

“Really?” I rested my back against the counter, facing her and away from the rest of the bar. The idea of doing something with a coworker gave me pause, but she was gorgeous. And she seemed to despise Colton, which already told me she had good taste.

“Are you working Friday?” she asked as she busied herself by pouring vodka into the glass.

“Me? No.” I frowned, confused. “Why?”

“How about you pick me up at seven at my place then, and we’ll see just how much of a chance either of us stands by the end of the night.”

When she added a liberal amount of Sweet and Sour to her creation, I wandered closer. “What the hell are you making?” I asked, right before jerking to a halt. My gaze sprang to hers. “Wait. Did you just ask me out?”

She grinned. “I’m trying to come up with my own signature drink.” With a splash of mint, then pomegranate juice, she turned back to me and lifted the glass, asking, “What do you think?”

I wasn’t a big fan of fruits in my drinks, but I obligingly took the cup from her and sipped. After sucking in a sharp breath and commanding my lips not to pucker, I said, “Wow, it’s...tart.”

With a scowl, she swiped the glass from me to gulp down a liberal shot before coughing and fanning her face. “Oh God. That’s terrible.”

I laughed. Across the room, one of the waitresses called out a warning, letting us know she was unlocking the doors and opening the place for business.

“So, how about that date?” Julianna asked as she dumped the drink down the drain and immediately added gin to the empty glass.

Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but chuckle again. I suspected I was going to like Juli.

“As long as you don’t poison me before then, I guess I’m in.”

She let out a mock gasp. “Poison you? Boy, you just watch. Before long, I’m going to come up with the most amazing new drink ever.” Then she nudged me with her elbow. “Why don’t you try your own?”

I shrugged. No one had come in yet for business, so I followed her lead, grabbing some bourbon and tequila. By the time we’d tossed out more alcohol, we were both laughing over how awful our concoctions were.

For a Tuesday, business was light. Only a handful of groups came in, so we were able to keep up our signature drink blends between customers with ease. But even that grew boring after half an hour or so. Sighing, Julianna leaned her elbows on the counter to watch the patrons talk and mingle.

“We need to start a Taco Tuesday or something,” she murmured. “It is so freaking dead here compared to the weekends.”

I winced, not at all on board with that idea. I actually enjoyed a quiet night every once in a while, especially after working a rowdy weekend.

But I grinned at her and teased, “Thanks a lot. Now I’m hungry for tacos.”

“Good luck finding a Mexican restaurant around that delivers.” She turned her attention to a group of guys who approached the bar to order drinks, and I watched her a moment as she entranced all of them with her smile. Yeah, I wasn’t going to try to compete with her anytime soon over which one of us could rake in more tips a night. With that smile, she’d win every time.

Sighing, I glanced toward my book bag I’d stashed behind the counter, thinking I could get in some good studying time between customers. But the procrastinator in me kept me from reaching for it. It being the last semester of my senior year, I was so over homework. I couldn’t wait until graduation, when I’d have a nice summer break before freaking graduate school began.

Sarah was probably going to miss homework. She was such a geek; she actually liked writing assignments. Not enough to ever write one for me—because I’d asked, numerous times over the years—but she liked doing them for herself. It was no fair that she’d be done with college after this, and I still had to keep going for my doctorate. It seemed as if our situations should be reversed.

Thinking of her, I slipped my hand into my pocket to grab my cell phone. I kept forgetting to ask her if she planned on doing the whole graduation walk-through thing, and if so, did she want to go in with me to pick out our caps and gowns together. I wouldn’t have bothered with that shit, but Aspen was all excited about watching me graduate; I figured I should probably attend the walk-through.

Before I could pull up her name to type out a message, someone else approached the bar. Since Julianna was still busy with her adoring fan club, I lifted my face to smile at the newbie, only to blink in surprise.

Speak of the devil...well, the devil’s big brother, anyway.

“Hey, man.” I sent him a chin-bob greeting as I slid my phone back into my pocket. “You here to see Pick? I think he’s already gone home for the evening.” He’d been leaving early lately since his wife Eva was about to pop out their fourth kid.

“Actually, no.” He sat on a stool directly across from me. “I’m here for you.”

That got my attention. Frowning, I moved closer, studying his face to figure out what was up. Mason Lowe only came to me when he wanted the scoop on his little sister: if something important was happening with her, if she was acting particularly withdrawn or angry or scared, if she needed anything.

Admittedly, the guy was smart for coming to me because I always knew what she was up to. On occasion, it irritated me because she didn’t always want him knowing every detail of her life. I wasn’t here to spill her secrets—not anymore, anyway. So I usually only gave him just enough information to reassure him she was okay, or if she wasn’t okay, that she’d be okay because I’d take care of the problem. And that was usually enough for him.

But there was no reason for Lowe to approach me tonight, because there was nothing new going on in Sarah’s life.

Confused about why he wanted to talk to me, I leaned an elbow on the countertop. “What’s up?”

He glanced toward Julianna and when he saw she was still busy, he returned his attention to me. “So, who’s this guy?” he asked in a lower, confidential voice.

I tipped my head to the side, not following. “What guy?”

“The guy Sarah’s going on a date with.”

My jaw fell open. “Huh?”

“I know Reese told me to leave it alone and trust Sarah’s instincts, but this is my little sister we’re talking about. And if you think there’s anything even remotely off about him, I will shut this down right now.”

“Hold on a second.” I lifted a hand to stop him so I could have a second to think. Then I demanded, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Mason blinked, then squinted his eyes as if he were trying to read the inside of my head. Finally, he straightened, his eyebrows flying up. “You don’t know.”

I ground my teeth, growing impatient. “Know what?”

If this was about Sarah, of course I knew. I knew everything about her before anyone else ever learned it. She was my best fucking friend on earth, not anyone else’s.

Mason had to be misinformed.

But he sure the hell seemed to think he knew what he was talking about when he said, “Someone asked Sarah out on a date. And she said yes.”

SARAH

AGE 22

I had fallen asleep in the middle of studying the works of Edgar Allan Poe for an English assignment when I was jerked awake in the middle of the night by a tapping, as if someone was lightly rapping on my chamber...uh, window.

Yawning, I batted down the shirt that had somehow bunched a path halfway along my torso, then struggled upright so I could crawl to the other side of my bed and peer out the pane of glass.

Instead of quoting, “nevermore,” the raven-haired hottie standing just outside my bedroom pointed to the latch locking him out and mouthed the words, “Let me in.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. What a demandy-pants. You’d think a simple please would kill him.

As I got to work, letting him in, I noticed it was after two in the morning. He must’ve come here straight from the bar after he got off work.

My irritation over him rousing me from my sleep died flat. It wasn’t uncommon for Brandt to appear at my window, but he’d never showed up this late before. So as soon as I managed to jerk the window up, I was asking, “What’s wrong?”

Blue eyes swirled with an emotion I couldn’t read as he said, “Look out.”

I scooted out of the way while he grabbed the sides of the window and heaved himself inside. He landed as gracefully as a cat on my bed, then turned his back to me so he could shut the window. The muscles in his shoulders looked tense; I wanted to reach out and touch them, ease whatever was bothering him.

“Brandt?”

He sighed and hung his head, then busied himself by kicking off his shoes and ripping the black Forbidden Nightclub hoodie over his head until he was wearing nothing but a worn Superman shirt, blue jeans, and white socks. As he tossed the hoodie onto the seat of my wheelchair sitting vacant next to the bed, he finally gave me his attention.

Blinking as if startled, he said, “You’re still in your clothes.”

I motioned to the textbook, notepad, and laptop scattered across the mattress between us. “I fell asleep studying.”

With an affectionate grin, he shook his head. “What a nerd. You’d probably study in your sleep if you could.”

“Would not. Now tell me what’s wrong.”

His grin died, and he cleared his throat as he busied himself by picking up my textbooks and notepads before shoving them into my book bag for me. “Yeah, so...I heard about your date.”

That caught me off guard. I blinked at him in surprise and opened my mouth to ask how he’d heard when I guessed the answer. “Mason?”

He nodded as he slid the book bag off the side of my bed and onto the floor, then he scooted closer with an earnest sparkle in his gaze. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shook my head, frowning. “I...I didn’t know I was supposed to.”

Cracking off a sharp laugh, he glanced around the room before returning his attention to me. “You tell me everything, Sarah. Why wouldn’t you tell me is a better question.”

“You don’t tell me about any of your dates,” I countered, growing uncomfortable and wondering why I hadn’t told him. It just hadn’t felt like the right thing to do.

“That’s totally not the same thing,” he snapped.

Squinting, I tilted my head. He truly looked put out that I hadn’t run to him as soon as Seth had asked what I was doing this weekend.

“Oh really?” I demanded. “How is it different? Because I’m a girl? Handicapped? Too ugly to be asked out?”

“What?” Gaping as if I’d lost my mind for suggesting any such thing, he shook his head. “No, because you’ve never been on a date before in your life.”

Thanks, I wanted to mutter. Rub that fact in, why don’t you? Sarah, the twenty-two-year-old dating virgin—or just plain, all-around virgin—was lame. I got it.

Except Brandt kept ranting. “I’m guessing this is a big-ass deal to you. For me, dating is any given Friday night. So, again, why would you not tell me about such a big thing for you?”

Every Friday night, huh? Hmm, I’d had no idea how often he went out with women. He never told me about his exploits; I had to hear about them through the grapevine. I just knew he got around. Frequently. Which might be one of the reasons I hadn’t mentioned Seth to him. If we were supposed to be best friends who told each other our deepest, darkest secrets, then why did he never mention any of his hookups to me?

It hurt my feelings that he couldn’t trust me with that, so okay, I’d been a little bit smug and spiteful when Seth had asked me out. I finally had something to keep from Brandt.

Plus, there was also the worry that Brandt might—

“I’m going to kill him!”

Yeah...that.

“What?” I shook my head, boggled as to why he’d already reached the point of stabbiness. “Why?”

“Because you were bound and determined to keep this from me for a reason, probably because the guy’s a douche and needs his ass kicked. So I’m kicking it.”

Yep, there went my overprotective savior. Like usual. Except tonight it didn’t fill me with the usual warm, happy endorphins because it told me how much he loved me. No, tonight it irritated the hell out of me.

“Has it occurred to you,” I started through gritted teeth, “that maybe I didn’t tell you because I actually wanted to go on this date?”

My answer halted him in his tracks. Beautiful, dark eyebrows crinkled in confusion. “Huh?”

I laughed. When he scowled, my amusement faded into a sigh. “Tell me honestly, if I had let you know about this from the beginning, that you wouldn’t have tracked Seth down, done some kind of background check on him, or tried to intimidate him, basically frightening him away before I could even go out with him?”

He only sniffed and glanced away. “Hey, if the guy can’t take a little heat, he should stay out of the kitchen.”

With a growl, I jabbed my finger in his direction. “Except this is the only time anyone’s ever wandered anywhere near my kitchen. Don’t fuck it up for me. Please.”

His eyes flared. “Did you just compare a kitchen to your...” When his gaze wandered down to my lap, his expression filled with dismay as if I’d just traumatized him for life.

“Yes! I did.” I clapped my hands in front of his face until he jerked his attention up. “And no one’s eaten in my kitchen...ever, which depresses the hell out of me. I don’t want to die a virgin, Brandt.”

Brandt choked out a hoarse sound, and his eyes bulged.

I kept talking. “I want to experience all of it, at least once in my life. And this...this is like finally getting my foot in the doorway of life. I just...I want to go on a date, like a normal girl, without my best friend giving the guy the third degree.” I cupped his face in my hands and looked him straight in the eye. “So can you please not get involved in any way?” When a dark scowl coated his face, I instantly revised, “Until, like, the second date, anyway?”

If I made it to a second date. I was still shocked Seth had been interested enough to ask me for the first one.

He’d always been polite enough when he’d come into the writing center where I worked to be tutored, but he’d never shown, you know, that kind of interest before. I’d nearly fallen out of my chair when he’d lingered after our session yesterday to see what I was doing this Friday.

Who knew me correcting his they’re-their-there’s would turn a guy on? But whatever. At the moment, I didn’t even care why he’d asked, I was just excited he had.

Because I was finally—finally—going to experience my first date. I refused to let my best friend ruin it for me.

“Promise!” I demanded, growing stern because Brandt was still gaping as if he were looking at a complete stranger.

“Uh...” he managed to say.

I dropped my hands from his face, sighing. “You’re not going to promise to leave him be, are you?”

He shook his head. “Who is this guy, anyway? You said Seth, right? Seth who? Where’d you meet him? How the hell did he break past your shy zone?” When my lips merely pursed with amusement, he growled. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

I shook my head and grinned. “Not until you promise.”

“Damn it, you don’t play fair.” After a dirty scowl, he rolled his eyes. “Fine. I promise. Now talk.” When I threw back my head and laughed, he lifted his hands, curling his fingers into mock-claws. “Sarah,” he warned. “Don’t make me tickle you until you pee.”

I gasped and shoved his hands away. “Whatever. Your tickling has never made me pee before.”

“Well, it will tonight if you don’t start talking.”

Knowing he was bluffing, I rolled my eyes. “I met him in the writing center when he came in for help on a term paper.”

“Oh, so that’s it, huh?” Lifting his eyebrows, he sent me an I-told-you-so look. “Well, if he thinks dating you will sweet-talk you into writing a paper for him, then I’ll just set him straight right now. You’re too honest to ever do that. For anyone.”

“Right,” I said slowly. “Because that’s the only reason anyone would ever want to date me.”

Brandt scowled. Then he leaned in and hissed, “That’s not what I meant. You know I don’t feel that way. Why the hell are you accusing me of that so much tonight?”

The fight instantly deflated inside me. Hugging myself, I glanced away. “I don’t know. Maybe because that’s what I keep thinking, that there has to be some ulterior motive behind this. I mean, no one’s ever seemed interested in me before just because they actually like me.”

“That’s bullshit.” He frowned. “I like you for you.”

Slashing my gaze his way, I sent him a dry glare. “I meant dating wise.”

The way his stare went intense made me think he wanted to say, “I do like you dating wise,” but I knew he’d only say that to make me feel better, so I’m glad he didn’t.

A second later, he sighed, then looked to the ceiling for guidance and returned his attention to me. His voice was soft as he murmured, “Come here.” After grabbing my arm and hauling me against his chest, he kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting, but I don’t know what to feel about you dating. This is...it’s weird. You’ve never talked about even being interested in guys before.”

I frowned into his chest before pulling back to blink up at him. “So, what? You thought I was gay?”

“No.” He scowled at me before pulling his expression into a pained wince. “No, I just...I’ve always seen you as, I don’t know, sexless maybe. Like the subject’s never interested you before.”

It took everything I had not to show how much that hurt. I knew it was pathetic, but I still secretly harbored a little wish that one day he’d look at me and see more, something beyond friendship. But all this time, he’d only ever seen bland, sexless Sarah.

Ouch.

“Well, it does interest me,” I muttered. Feeling lame, I glanced away.

“Since when?”

I scowled. “Since, like, I don’t know...forever.”

“Bullshit,” he repeated, squinting at me as if trying to pry into my thoughts. “When we first met, you told me kissing and dating and all that was gross.”

“Oh my God.” I groaned. “I was thirteen.”

“So when did it change?” he pressed, watching me so closely I grew uncomfortable.

“I don’t know.” Focusing on my lap, I remembered the exact moment I’d wanted to experience the same intimacies everyone else did. “Eighteen, maybe.” The day I’d heard him doing things with Hope Deardon.

When he blew out a hard breath, I glanced up to find his eyes glazed with an odd kind of shock. I scowled. “Is it a problem for you if I actually want to be normal?”

There must’ve been enough offense in my voice to get my feelings across because he immediately lifted his hands and claimed, “No! Not at all. You always have my support. You know that.” He pulled me against him and hugged me close, guiding my head to his shoulder. “All right then. So you’re going to do this dating thing. Fine. But do me a favor first.”

“What?” I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of him. For as long as I lived, I knew I’d never smell anything better than the scent of Brandt.

“Don’t fall into bed with this Seth guy just because he’s the first person to ever ask you out, okay.”

“Oh my God!” I scowled, pushing against his chest so he could see it. “Who said anything about sex? I’m just going on one date. One. Date.”

He frowned back, grousing, “I’m just saying...I know you feel like you’re never going to get another shot at a relationship with anyone else, but...he asked you out, so more will. You’re amazing, Sarah, and someone was bound to realize it sooner or later.” After brushing some hair off my face, he leaned in and sniffed my temple.

I shuddered from the love and peace his words wrought, and commanded myself to feel no depression whatsoever just because he only saw me as a friend. He was the best friend I’d ever had or ever could have, and I was honored to be just that. Especially when he cupped my face, looked into my eyes, and added, “This right here—every single piece of you—is very precious cargo to me. If anyone mistreated it, I’d lose my shit. You’re not just my best friend, you’re my sanity. You’re priceless, Sarah.”

Closing my eyes, I leaned in and pressed my forehead to the center of his chest. “Stop. You’re making me feel like crap for not telling you about this sooner.”

“Well, you should. I know I can be overbearingly protective, but I always want you to be happy. And if dating this douche makes you happy, then...okay. When are you going out with him?”

“If you insist on calling him a douche, I’m not telling you.”

Grasping my chin, he lifted my face until our gazes met. Then he arched an eyebrow and tried to look all fatherly. “Sarah.”

I laughed in his face and shoved at his chest, because I couldn’t help but love him even when he irritated me. But honestly, I wasn’t going to tell him anything about my date. “You’re so annoying. I assume you’re staying the rest of the night.”

There. A subject change ought to get his mind off my love life—though I still couldn’t believe I might actually have one.

“Hell, yes, I’m staying the rest of the night. Who knows how much longer we have before your boyfriend gets all jealous and forbids me to visit or even be your friend anymore.”

I rolled my eyes. “As if that would ever happen.” Crawling off my bed and into my wheelchair, I grabbed my nightshirt and shorts off my dresser before rolling toward the door to change in the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.”

“It could happen,” Brandt called after me, and he sounded worried enough that I bit my lip after I closed the door behind me.

His worries weren’t completely unfounded, but I’d always feared it’d be the other way around, that Brandt would fall for a girl he liked more than me, and then he’d never come visit anymore, he’d stop cuddling with me at night, and eventually, our friendship would die out completely. But him being afraid that I would be the one to meet a guy I liked more than him just seemed ridiculous.

When I re-entered the room a few minutes later, Brandt’s shoulders fell when he saw me. “You already brushed your hair.”

We both knew I’d been able to improve my motor function enough to brush my own hair years ago, but Brandt liked messing with it so much, he usually brushed it for me on the nights he came over.

Tonight, for my own peace of mind, I couldn’t let him. I always got the feels when he brushed my hair, and I needed to stay away from such intimacy.

That was why I’d accepted Seth’s date, as a way to resolve myself to the fact I would never be anything more to Brandt. I needed to stop pining and stalling my own life and try to start living it.

But Brandt’s puppy-dog eyes were telling me he feared the end of our friendship was already beginning just because I hadn’t let him brush my freaking hair. So I avoided eye contact as I turned off the light and wheeled to the bed. He already sat on the mattress under the covers and when I approached, he scooted over to give me room.

I paused to set the alarm earlier than usual so he’d have time to leave before my family woke. There was no reason for him to sneak in and out of my room now that we were twenty-two, but I think it’d just become a habit for him, so he kept doing it. I wasn’t complaining since I liked it too; it was our thing.

Besides, Brandt Gamble was an amazing cuddler. He was everything safe, and comfortable, and familiar. Once I crawled in beside him and landed on my side, facing away, he curled up behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist. With a happy sigh, I closed my eyes and sank into my pillow.

“You know,” he said into the dark, not ten seconds later. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. That whole hype of needing to lose it by a certain age is utter bullshit. I actually respect people who want to wait until they find true love. And honestly, sex really isn’t all that.”

“Oh yeah?” I murmured, amused he was still so worried about losing me. It was funny that he even thought that was possible.

“It’s not,” he muttered grouchily. “It’s just skin slapping against skin, strange, uncomfortable positions, bodily functions flinging everywhere, hurt feelings when one person feels more than another one does. Not glamorous at all when you come right down to it. It’s really kind of...disappointing.”

Snickering, I tucked my hands under my chin. “Then why aren’t you a virgin?”

He sniffed. “Maybe I am.”

“Oh, really?” With a laugh, I wiggled out from under his arm so I could roll around to face him in the dark. “So you were never with Shayla Birmingham? Hope Deardon? Rachel—”

“What? How did you— Damn,” he grumbled something I didn’t catch before asking, “How did you know about them?”

“Because I’m not stupid. I know what your real problem is, anyway.”

He lay close enough that I could feel his body tense before he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have a problem. Other than concern for you, of course.”

Reaching out until I found his face, I cupped his bristled cheek and murmured, “Nothing between us is ever going to change, whether I get a boyfriend or not.”

I was fairly certain I wouldn’t. I was enough of a realist to know one date didn’t mean anything. But it was sweet of Brandt to think it did.

Leaning closer until his breath washed across my face, he whispered, “Promise?”

I closed my eyes, wondering what it’d feel like to press my lips to his even as I murmured, “On my mother’s grave.”

“Good.” Seemingly settled by my assurance, he rolled onto his back and brought me with him until he had me positioned against him with my cheek resting on his chest. “`Night, then.”

As he fell asleep, his heartbeat echoing through my ear, I stole a couple seconds to merely enjoy the feel of him, warm and hard and comfortable.

I hadn’t been lying when I’d promised him nothing would ever change, because that was how he wanted it, and I’d always be whatever he needed me to be.

That’s what friends did for each other, and he was my most cherished friend.

SARAH

“Mason!” Reese hollered through the house. “You should probably come get your little heathens before I strangle them.”

I laughed as Gracen, Reese’s two-year-old son, slipped out from under her arm and raced back to me where I sat on the bed, followed almost immediately by his twin sister Isabella when she wiggled free of her mother. As they crawled onto the mattress, Issa fascinated with my earrings and Gray tugging at the silver heart broach of my necklace, Reese spun back and threw up her hands in defeat.

“I give up. There’s no stopping them.”

“What’s wrong?” Mason appeared in the doorway, cautiously peering in at the chaos.

“Your children...” Reese pointed them out, in case he’d forgotten which ones they were, I guess. “Keep crawling all over Sarah.”

He blinked, clearly stumped. “That’s what they always do.”

“I know, but I’m trying to get her ready for her date, and it’d be really nice if she wasn’t slathered in toddler ick for once. Can you...?” She motioned toward the twins and winced when Gray sneezed on the front of my dress.

“Yep. I got this.” Mason strode in, hauled his son under one arm and daughter under the other, then lifted them both off me. Issa and Gray burst out giggling as he jostled them on purpose, threatening to drop them.

“You are the most amazing man ever,” Reese cooed, cupping his face in both her hands before lifting onto her toes to press a soft, lingering kiss to his mouth.

He winked. “You can pay me back later.” As his gaze wandered to me, his grin fell. “You look nice,” he murmured before asking his wife, “Are you sure that dress isn’t too short?”

“It’s perfectly respectable,” she argued. “It goes all the way to her knees.”

“Until she sits down, which she’ll be doing the entire night. Then it rides up higher.”

Patting his cheeks, Reese chuckled and nudged him out of the room. “All the more to tease her date with.”

“Tease?” he echoed, cranking his head around to gape at Reese. “Wh-wh-why would there be any teasing? There doesn’t need to be any teasing.”

“Oh, pish. She’s twenty-two. Stop worrying so much.” With that, she smacked his butt to urge him along.

He looked as if he wanted to argue with her before he glanced my way and must’ve seen the ache in my eyes. Shoulders collapsing with defeat, he blew out a breath and then turned away, asking his wiggling kids, “Who wants ice cream?”

Their cheers echoed down the hall as he carried them away. Reese groaned as she returned to me. “Yeah, that’s what they need,” she lamented. “A sugar fix to make them more hyper.”

“He’ll probably give them cookies too,” I felt the devilish need to add. Because it was true. Mason spoiled his children rotten. I thought it was an adorable look on my brother. Reese moaned about it, but I knew she loved it too, mostly because she loved everything about him.

She scowled at me a moment before breaking into a reluctant grin. “I’m sure he will. The big softie.”

Oh yeah, she definitely liked his kid-spoiling side. I would too if I were married and my husband’s biggest weakness was our babies.

A pang of loss but also anticipation coursed through me. Realistically I knew I’d probably never experience that for myself, but...maybe. If tonight went well—

Ack, I needed to stop thinking that way. Poor Seth. If he only knew what kind of dreams and expectations I was already pinning on him.

Which I was going to stop doing. Right...now.

Or now.

Ugh, this dream-stopping business was hard stuff.

In front of me, Reese rubbed her hands together with relish, looking at my face like an artist gazing upon a blank canvas.

“I think we’ll start with a blue-based silver in the corner of your eyes, then some navy underneath.” Flinging open the makeup kit that looked more like Barbie’s dream tackle box, she reached in for half a dozen eyeshadows. “Then dust with some peach and rose plum...”

She lifted one color to my face and shifted her gaze between my eyes and eyeshadow case before tsking and shaking her head. “No. Maybe...aha. Rose gold. Ooh, yes. That’s perfect.”

I sat as still as possible, which wasn’t still at all, but Reese was used to putting makeup on me by now and was a pro at prettying me up, regardless of my constant wiggling.

For a couple minutes, neither of us spoke as she did her thing. My mind wandered to what was about to take place in less than thirty minutes as my stomach pitched with nerves, the good kind and the bad. I couldn’t calm the shaking in my limbs. I almost wanted to vomit and yet the hope inside me had sprouted such huge wings, I was sure I might start floating any second.

“I feel like Pinocchio,” I said, needing to say something because I feared I might burst if I contained everything bubbling inside me.

Reese paused from applying blush to my cheeks so she could send me an odd look. “You’re lying about something?”

“No.” I laughed. “I’m finally going to get to be a real girl.”

Instead of sharing my excitement, Reese’s eyes fill will sorrow. “Oh, Sarah...sweetie, you’ve always been real.”

I shook my head. “No. Not really. I mean, I’ve always been a spectator. Aside from furthering my education, I’ve never really gone out and done something. This feels like my first chance to do something. To live.”

She still didn’t get it, though. “I...I’m so sorry. I never realized you felt that way. I mean, both Mason and I have always tried to—”

I caught her hands to stall her. “Reese. You and Mason are amazing. I could never deserve everything you’ve ever done for me. But this is something I’m finally doing for myself.”

“Oh,” she whispered and her eyes went dewy as if she were about to burst into tears. Then she lunged forward and threw her arms around me to give me a huge hug. “I’m so proud of you, Sarah,” she said into my ear. “For everything you’ve accomplished and everything you’re still accomplishing. You’re the best sister-in-law and aunt to my babies a woman could ever have. I wish you all the happiness in the world tonight.”

When she pulled back, her eyes were no longer dewy. Now they were swimming with moisture. “Damn it.” She wiped the wetness away. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.”

Plucking a tissue from the box she’d been using to perfect my makeup, I handed it to her. “Is it my turn to remind you I’m twenty-two?”

“As if age has anything to do with it,” she mumbled, snagging the tissue and blowing her nose. “This is your first date. I’d have been weepy if you were ten or thirty.”

Great. Now I was going to get weepy. And Reese had already finished my eyes. I was sure they looked wonderful too. I didn’t want to ruin all her lovely work.

She’d always been there for me and strived to make me feel good about myself. This woman was the mother of my heart, and I was so blessed to have her in my life. I always knew I could ask her for any advice, which reminded me...

“What if he wants to kiss me?”

Okay, I was probably shooting way above my pay grade with that little wish, but...it could happen. Maybe. Seth had asked me out. Surely he thought I was kiss-worthy.

Surely.

“Do you want him to?” Reese asked, her blue eyes sparkling with mischief. When she wiggled her eyebrows, I laughed and blushed.

“I don’t know.” Yes! I so badly wanted to know what a kiss felt like.

“Well...” Lips tightening as she tried to reign in her goofy grin, Reese drew in a thoughtful breath. “You kiss Issa and Gray all the time, so you already have the mouth-pursing part down. With mouth-to-mouth kisses, I guess the main thing to avoid is bumping noses. So when he leans in, he’ll probably tilt his head slightly one way, ergo you should try to tilt yours the other way.”

I practiced tilting my head, and Reese laughed, catching my face between her hands. “Maybe not that much. There. Like that.”

Heat raced through me as I remembered just a few nights ago when Brandt and I had been in my bed pressing our foreheads together. We’d tilted our heads just like this.

It was as if we’d been preparing for something that would never happen between us.

Clearing my throat, I murmured, “I think I know what you mean.” Then I gulped. “What about tongue?”

“On your first kiss?” Reese squawked, eyes going wide. “Oh, hell no.”

Cheeks heating even more, I said, “He won’t know it’s my first.” At least I hoped to God he wouldn’t ever learn I was that lame.

“Well, it is my humble, honest—and right—opinion that any first kiss between two people should never start immediately with tongue.” I grinned as she got wound up. It was always entertaining when Reese decided to impart her views on life with me. “A first kiss is an introductory stage, two strangers still getting to know each other.” She picked up two tubes of lipstick and held them a couple inches apart as if pretending they were two people about to kiss.

“If you attack, full force, first thing”—she smashed the tubes together and wiggled them around viciously—”you ruin the entire experience. If you start out strong, you can only go down from there, so...” She backed the lipsticks away from each other, and then slowly crept them closer as if they were sniffing each other out. Flirting. “You start out with simple lip-to-lip contact. And if that goes well, then your bodies may naturally shift closer.”

The lipstick tubes eased against each other, and my clothes suddenly felt a little snug against my chest. “Before you know it, your hand might grip his shoulder, or neck, or something, and then...then when breathing escalates and hearts thump a little faster, he might test out the waters and nudge his tongue against your lips, asking for access.”

My gaze held magnetized by the kissing lipstick cases, I gulped. “And if that happens?”

She grinned. “Well, if you want him in, you let him in. Oh, but...” She winced, pulling the lipsticks apart. “Don’t just open your mouth and then do nothing with your tongue. That’s called a dead fish kiss. Very bad. You have to do stuff with your tongue too if he’s doing stuff with his.”

“I do?” Oh, crap. This was beginning to sound complicated. “Like what?”

Should I be taking notes?

Reese frowned at the two bottles before tossing one aside and uncapping the other. As she brought it to my mouth to apply a layer, she murmured, “I don’t know. Just kind of mimic what he does.”

“Mimic,” I repeated, confused, suddenly hoping Seth didn’t try to kiss me now. I would so suck at it.

“It’s basically just instinctual stuff.” Tossing aside the lipstick and picking up lip gloss to coat over what she’d just applied to my mouth, she shrugged. “Hard to explain, but once you’re there, you just kind of do it without thinking about it.”

Great. I had zero instinctive skills. All the anticipation I’d been feeling swiftly plummeted into dread.

What the hell was I thinking going on a date? Brandt was right; I was a sexless being. I didn’t belong in the dating, kissing, instinctive world.

“Relax,” Reese murmured, catching on to my anxiety. She patted my cheek and grinned. “Don’t even think about that part. Just have fun, get to know him, be yourself. You’ll do great.”

Just as she said that, the doorbell rang.

The sound vibrated through my chest like the gong of doom.

“Oh, God,” I whimpered.

“Yay!” Reese cheered, doing a happy little jig in front of me. “He’s here...and a few minutes early, too. That’s a good sign.” Grabbing my wheelchair, she rolled it to me so I could climb in. “Come on, chickie. It’s go-time!”

I pushed to my feet, no longer as chipper as she seemed to be. After taking a wobbly step forward, I sank into my chair, blew out a shaky breath and looked up at Reese.

“You look amazing,” she said before I could ask.

I grinned. I might bomb this dating thing completely, but at least I could be satisfied with knowing I’d look good while I went down.

Reese followed me from the room and down the hall to the foyer where Seth was standing just inside the doorway while he talked to Mason about having a place to store my wheelchair in whatever he drove. All the while, he untrustingly eyed Issa and Gray, who were staring up at him with great curiosity.

A finger jabbed me in the back right between the shoulder blades as Reese hissed in my ear, “Oooh, he brought flowers. Score!”

Finally, Issa pointed and said, “Flower.”

“Uh...” Seth glanced at the bouquet of daisies in his hand and jumped as if startled to see them. “Oh. Okay.” He plucked one from the batch. “Here you go, princess.”

As he handed it over, Reese poked me again, hissing, “Did you just see that? Oh my God, so sweet.”

I waved a hand to silence her because I was pretty sure Seth had heard her, too. Both he and Mason looked over, just as Gray began to throw a fit because his sister had gotten a flower and he hadn’t.

When Seth realized he better give the boy a flower too or he’d have World War Three on his hands, he quickly pinched off another stem and handed it over. Gracen, however, used his posy like a sword to duel with his sister, poking her in the eye. She shrieked in outrage, smacking him back with her flower, and both their parents interceded, pulling them apart and hauling them away, basically leaving me and Seth alone in the foyer.

He sent me a rueful grin before handing over the remains of my bouquet. “Here. Sorry about that. There’s still a couple left for you, I guess.”

I laughed as I took the bouquet from him, warmth glowing through me because he was being so nice. I guessed—hoped—that meant I hadn’t messed up yet. “Thank you.” Just as I brought them to my nose to inhale their sweet fragrance, one of the kids started to wail in the other room.

Seth cringed. “Wow. I didn’t mean to start anything.”

“Don’t worry. They do that all the time.”

His eyes widened with horror and I nearly laughed at his expression but thought laughing at him might offend him, so I managed to swallow it down. A breath later, the second toddler began to cry.

“Let me just get these in some water, and we can go,” I said quickly, ready to get him out of here before he deserted me because of my crazy family.

He turned his ear my way. “What?”

I held up the flowers and said a little louder, “Water.”

“Oh! I can do that,” he offered, stepping forward.

But I held up a hand. “It’s no problem.”

He stopped and nodded, so I hurried from the room. When I returned, Issa and Gracen were both still crying somewhere down the hall.

“Time to escape,” I announced, causing him to smile in relief.

When I snagged my purse, he stepped forward as if to somehow assist, but he must’ve realized I had it under control because his shoulders fell and he stepped back again. Instead, he opened the door for me.

I grinned up at him, thrilled he was such a gentleman. He followed me down the front ramp and to what I guessed was his car at the curb.

“So, uh, how do we do this?” he asked.

Glancing over my shoulder, I pushed to my feet and leaned against his car as I folded the chair. “Do what?”

He was too busy gaping at me. “O-oh,” he stuttered. “You walk.”

“Only a few steps at a time. Where do you want this? Trunk or backseat?”

Still seemingly stunned by my awesome abilities, he finally lurched forward to take the folded chair from me. “Here. I’ll put it in the trunk.”

“Thanks.” I held on to the car as I turned around to try the passenger’s side door and found it unlocked. Whew. The heels Reese had put me in made it a little more challenging than it usually was for me, but I still managed to slide down into the waiting seat without a spill.

By the time Seth had stowed the chair, I was settled, seat belted, and ready to go.

“Wow, you’re good at that,” he said as he slid behind the wheel.

His praise made me glow. “I’ve had practice.”

Holy wow, maybe I wasn’t going to bomb tonight after all. Aside from my frightening family, I personally seemed to be doing okay with this whole dating business.

And Seth was an absolute gentleman.

“So where are we going?” I asked, setting my hand against my stomach because I was starving.

He crinkled his brow thoughtfully before saying, “I’m sorry, what?”

Ack. He couldn’t understand me. I kept forgetting he wasn’t family; he wasn’t used to my vernacular. My speech impediment had improved drastically since Reese had set me up with a therapist when I was thirteen, so I thought I spoke extremely clearly these days. Some people still had trouble understanding me sometimes, though.

Slowly, I repeated, “Where are we going?”

I’d been too nervous to eat earlier. But now...now I could probably eat a whale. Oh crap, how unseemly was it to pig out on a first date?

Damn, that would’ve been a good question for Reese.

“How about my place,” he asked, casting me an uncertain glance.

My lips parted, not expecting that. In my head, dates equaled eating out at a restaurant.

“Uh...” I shook my head free of that notion. “Sure. That sounds fine.”

This might actually be better. I was still less comfortable in public. If it was just the two of us, I could relax and be myself more.

I hoped.

My hands fiddled in my lap the entire five minutes to his apartment complex. I’d learned long ago that fidgeting on purpose quelled a lot of the involuntary movements

Neither of us spoke, and it wasn’t a very comfortable silence. I kept trying to think up things to say, only to veto every idea I had as lame.

“Here we are,” he murmured as he pulled into the building’s parking lot and found a spot to park, far away from the handicap spot where I’d have to go to roll my chair up to the curb.

“This is a nice area,” I said as we both opened our doors. We were in the historic part of town. “Is your building on the historic tour?”

He paused and glanced back. “What?”

My face heated. Okay, even I’d heard the slur that time. Making sure to enunciate each word precisely, I repeated the question.

“Oh. Uh...” He shook his head, looking a little dazed. “I don’t think so.”

He didn’t say more as he unlocked his trunk and pulled out my chair.

All righty then. He wasn’t a big conversationalist. Note taken.

But yeah, I wasn’t sure how to work with that.

“Thanks,” I told him as I took over, unfolding the wheelchair and sliding down into my seat.

Things continued to get more awkward as he tried to lead me straight to the curb, but I had to find a flatter part to get onto the sidewalk.

“Oh, sorry.” He made an apologetic motion with his hands, but I told him it was perfectly fine. He wasn’t used to this way of life. Totally not his fault.

But I think it was starting to make him uncomfortable. He messed with the collar of his shirt as soon as we entered the elevator. I was kind of tempted to tell him he should just undo the top button when he finally did.

Once we reached the fifth floor, he led me to apartment 5A and unlocked the door before letting me enter first. He turned on the light as he came in behind me, and I wheeled around to face him, wondering what was supposed to happen now.

There was no smell in the air as if he were cooking anything in the oven. I began to wonder if there was going to be any food involved with this date at all just as he fiddled with his now-opened collar and then glanced at me.

I flashed him a smile, hoping it would help settle his unease. Smiles helped everything, right? But mine only seemed to make him more uncomfortable. He jerked his gaze away, and I wondered if—crap—maybe I was drooling. With a quick whisk of the back of my hand across my mouth, I discovered all was good there. Thank goodness.

“You thirsty?” he finally asked.

“Um...yeah, sure.” I nodded, relieved to get him out of the room. I needed a moment to clear my head and come up with something to say, because he obviously wasn’t going to be the conversation-starter.

I tried to think up some of the things Brandt and I discussed since Brandt was a guy about the same age as Seth, but he and I talked about so much it was hard to narrow it down to one subject.

Ooh, except maybe movies.

Movies were a good, safe topic. Or television shows. Hopefully Seth was a Supernatural fan. We might actually survive the night if we could bond over Dean and Castiel. I was so going to ask him about that.

From the kitchen, I heard the refrigerator open and glasses clink. My nerves settled some. He was pulling out glassware; he must be trying to impress me at least some. That was good.

All this was good.

We could do this.

Next to me, something dinged. I glanced over to find he’d left his cell phone face up on his coffee table. When a certain word caught my attention, I frowned and leaned closer, reading the entire message.

And what I saw made my veins fill with pure ice.

BRANDT

I couldn’t believe Julianna had talked me into a date.

I wasn’t so sure about dating a coworker. I usually—okay, fine! always—had commitment problems and ended up pissing off women who wanted more from me. If I pissed off Juli, it would really suck when we had to work together again.

Plus, it was nearly impossible for me to concentrate. What if Sarah’s date was supposed to be tonight? I’d been able to use deductive reasoning through some craftily asked questions throughout the week to discover tonight was the one night she didn’t have free for a while. And if she wasn’t free, she was probably busy with him.

God, it was so fucking weird to think of her with some other guy.

When she’d told me she’d been interested in dating since she was at least eighteen, it’d taken everything inside me not to demand why she’d never been interested in dating me.

But she was right. We were just friends. Besides, over the years, I’d gained a taste for certain...things. I would be too horrified to try them with Sarah, even if she were interested in me that way.

“So, where are we headed?” Juli asked, snapping me to the present.

Damn. I’d been ignoring her. Not good.

“You like fried chicken?” I asked, glancing her way.

She glanced back and arched an eyebrow. “I’m a black woman from the South. What do you think?”

“Oh shit,” I gushed, my eyes growing with horror and face heating as I realized how badly she’d misinterpreted my question. “I totally didn’t mean—”

With a laugh, she touched my arm. “I’m teasing you. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You’re just too cute when you blush.”

And she was freaking cruel when she teased. Jesus. I almost had heart failure, afraid I’d insulted her.

Setting a hand against my chest, I sent her a look promising revenge as I blew out a breath. “Damn, you’re evil,” I said, actually appreciating her demonic charm.

She only laughed harder, so a reluctant chuckle slipped from me.

“It’s my best feature,” she flirted back.

“Interesting,” I murmured.

We’d gotten a block from her apartment, and I was just deciding tonight might not be such a bust after all, when my phone alerted me to an incoming text. I barely glanced its way where it sat in the cubby between our seats when the lit screen showed Sarah’s name and the distinct letters SOS.

Forgetting propriety and how it was rude to talk, text, or google on your phone while on a date, I snagged it up and opened the message as I stopped at a red light.

All Sarah had said after her SOS was an address to what must’ve been an apartment building because it also had a room number: 5A. I had no idea what was going down in 5A, but I was about to find out.

“Quick detour,” I said, tossing the phone back into its cubby and stomping on the gas as soon as the light turned green.

Julianna grabbed onto the door when I whipped around a corner too fast but didn’t scold me. All she said was, “Everything okay?”

“Uh...” I scratched the back of my neck and sent her an apologetic wince. “I’m not sure. My best friend just sent me an SOS, so I’m going to stop by real quick and check it out.” Belatedly, I realized she might not be down for that, so I quickly asked, “If that’s all right with you,” when honestly, it didn’t matter what she thought of my plans. Nothing was going to keep me away from Sarah when she’d sent out an SOS.

But Julianna was surprisingly cool. “Hey, no problem. I’ve had to bail friends out of trouble too many times to count. It’s cool.”

I grinned at her right before I found the street I needed. “Thanks.”

When I pulled to the curb at the address and glanced out the window at the harmless-looking building, I frowned in confusion. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but there weren’t any ambulances, police cars or fire trucks outside. There was no commotion at all. That eased my anxieties some but heightened them in other ways.

What if she really was on her date? What if he ended up being a douche and— Dammit, I couldn’t even bring myself to consider worst-case scenarios. My skin was already prickling with all kinds of dread.

“I’ll be right back,” I barely told Julianna as I slung open my door and surged from the truck.

It was a feat of its very own for me not to sprint to the front door, but I contained myself to a quick march. Once inside, I found the elevator, and when it didn’t open as soon as I pushed the door button, I darted up the nearby stairwell, jogging to the fifth floor. The apartment I wanted was located at the other end of the hall, but I reached it within a couple seconds.

Pausing at 5A, I strained to listen to anything happening inside: screaming, cursing, crying. But there was nothing.

I knocked. When footsteps neared, my muscles tensed and my hands curled into fists at my sides.

The latch turned, and the door opened. The guy who peered out looked completely harmless, like maybe he could be an accountant in training. No muscle tone, no tan, receding hairline, thick-rimmed glasses.

I blinked, hating him even though I knew absolutely nothing about him. But, really. Sarah actually went for this kind of jackass?

His brow crinkled as he peered out at me. “Who’re you?”

No polite, “Can I help you?” or “How’s it going?” Just a blunt, “Who’re you?”

Yeah, I didn’t like this dick already. Not in the mood to answer his question, I said, “Is Sarah here?”

He pulled back in surprise. “Who wants to know?”

Done talking to him, I glanced past his shoulder and into the apartment. “Sarah?”

The dick shifted to block my view. Lifting his hand toward my chest, he opened his mouth, probably to spill out some other dick-headed comment when Sarah’s voice called, “Right here.”

That was all I needed to hear. I stepped inside, making the dick sputter and stumble out of my way. When I saw her, I sucked in a breath and jerked to a halt.

Damn.

Reese had obviously gotten hold of her because her hair had been curled into the neatest coils. Her makeup made her lips glossy and too incredibly kissable and her cheekbones appear higher than usual. She wore a black dress I hadn’t seen before that stopped just above the knees, and her feet were encased in the highest heels I’d ever noticed her wearing before.

Sarah was so goddamn beautiful it made my stomach clench. I hated that she’d dressed up for him. Which made me hate him, and then hate myself because I couldn’t be happy for her the way she wanted me to be. But I couldn’t help wanting to kill the guy she looked so nice for.

So I forced myself to rescan her like the concerned friend I was. Basically, she looked...okay. No bruises, no blood, no torn or even rumpled clothing. Hell, she wasn’t even crying, though she looked anything but happy.

Dragging her purse into her lap, she wheeled my way. “I’m ready to go.”

“Wha-what?” Dick-Breath moved between us to intercept her. “What’re you talking about?”

I shoved him out of the way. “You heard her. She’s ready to go.”

“But...” Frowning in utter confusion, he stepped forward again, except I think he knew better than to get between me and Sarah one more time because he faltered when he saw my expression. Irritation flashed across his face. “What the hell is going on? Who are you? Her brother?”

“I’m her ride home, apparently.”

Sarah didn’t bother to tell Dick goodbye. She rolled past me without even glancing his way. And that told me all I needed to know. Dick had to die.

“Hey, you can’t just barge in here and take her like this.”

“I just did, buddy.” I glared his way, stopping him in his tracks when he tried to follow Sarah into the hall. “I don’t know what the fuck you did to make her text me and ask me to come pick her up, but you might consider packing your shit and moving, because if I decide I don’t like what she has to tell me once I pry the truth from her, I will come back for you.”

Fear and maybe even a little guilt flittered across his face. But he only shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We didn’t do anything.” I narrowed my eyes and stepped closer, making him squawk, “We didn’t.”

“We’ll see,” I murmured, keeping sharp eye contact with him as I backed out of his apartment and shut the door between us.

Sarah was already halfway down the hall and waiting at the elevator entrance. By the time I caught up to her, the doors had opened and she was wheeling inside. I silently slipped in with her.

Neither of us spoke until the doors closed and we began to descend, and then, unable to hold it any longer, I stared straight ahead at her reflection in the mirrored doors and quietly, calmly, though barely keeping myself in check, asked, “Did he touch you?”

“No,” she gave the stony answer as she turned her head away from me.

I snorted out my disbelief. “So this is all because he didn’t touch you? Yeah right. I’m not buying it.”

“He didn’t touch me,” she repeated from between clenched teeth just as the first tear tracked down her cheek.

“Motherfucker,” I growled and slammed my fist into the elevator wall. “I’m going to kill him.”

Sarah finally looked up at me. “No. Just leave it alone.”

“The hell with that. You’re crying.”

“Brandt.”

“You contacted me, Sarah, asking me for help. Well, this is how I deal with it. That fucker hurt you, so he dies.”

More tears began to fall. Her hand shook madly as she tried to wipe her cheeks, which told me just how upset she was; her CP was acting up because her emotions were high.

“He didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe I just wasn’t feeling it and was ready to go home.”

I shook my head. “Bullshit. You’re too polite to flake out on a guy halfway through a date. If you just weren’t feeling it, you still would’ve stuck it out until the end of the night. I know you, Sarah. So I know the reason you didn’t tell that bastard goodbye or even look his way when you left was because he fucking did something wrong.”

“I’m overreacting, okay,” she cried. “So please just drop it.”

I snorted. “Well, I kind of think you’re trying to play it down.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk about it.” As soon as the elevator stopped and doors opened, she shot out into the first-floor foyer.

Cursing, I stalked after her, torn between heading back up to the fifth floor to kick some ass and seeing her safely to my truck. Her tears made me stay with her. She moved so fast that she was already twenty feet ahead of me by the time I made it outside.

“Sarah,” I called, hurrying to catch up.

“Dammit, Brandt.” She held up her hand, warding me away. “I said I don’t—”

I cut her off by scooping her out of her chair and into my arms. Without saying a word, I carried her the rest of the way to my truck. Just as silently, she wrapped her arms around me and turned her face into my neck as she soaked my shirt with tears.

Resting my cheek against her hair, I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on her, holding her closer. I hated it when she cried. When she hurt, I hurt. Feeling her tremors of sorrow ripped me to shreds.

A couple steps before we reached my truck, the passenger side door came open, surprising the crap out of me because I’d totally forgotten about Julianna. Concern flooded her features as she popped out onto the sidewalk with us.

“What’s wrong? Is she okay?”

At the question, Sarah lifted her face from my shoulder and blinked at Julianna before swerving her attention to me. “You’re on a date?”

“I think it just got postponed.” Meeting Julianna’s gaze, I winced. “Do you mind sitting in the back? It’s harder to maneuver her—”

“No, that’s fine,” Julianna was quick to answer. “Whatever she needs.” She was even as helpful as to hold open the front door for us as I slipped Sarah into the passenger seat. Then she hurried to fetch Sarah’s wheelchair.

“Thanks,” I said before folding it and hefting it up to lay it in the bed of my truck.

When I turned back, Julianna was still there, wringing her hands as she watched Sarah pull on her seat belt through the opened door.

I opened my mouth to apologize, but what came out sounded more like, “Can you hang here with her for a second? I’ll be right back.”

While Julianna began to nod, Sarah snaked out her hand and caught my arm. “No.”

My bicep tensed under her grip. “Sarah,” I started.

But she shook her head. “Don’t go back up there.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I fumed. “That fucker has to pay for what he did.”

She snorted out an incredulous laugh and shook her head. “You don’t even know what he did.”

“I don’t have to. You’re upset, and that’s enough to make me want to break his face.”

“Brandt, please.” A sob caught in her throat and more tears spilled down her cheeks. “I just want to go home.”

Pain wound so tight through my chest I could barely breathe. The one thing I could never handle was her tears. She rarely cried, so when she finally allowed them to fall, it was that much more devastating to me. Helpless frustration roared through me until I wanted to pound my fist against my truck.

I still itched to storm my way back up to the fifth floor and avenge her, but I heeded her wishes and waited until both ladies were shut inside before moving around to the driver’s side and climbing behind the wheel.

No one said a word while I started the engine and pulled out into traffic. Another minute passed. The only sound came from Sarah as she sniffed through her quiet tears. Finally, a throat cleared from the backseat.

“So...I’m Julianna.”

Sarah turned her head enough to acknowledge the greeting. “Sarah,” she murmured.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much. Brandt says you’re his best friend.”

I glanced over my shoulder into the back at her, wondering what she was talking about. She hadn’t heard “so much” about Sarah. Colton had mentioned her one time around Julianna, and that was it. When I met her gaze, however, she only shrugged, letting me know she hadn’t been sure what else to say. Then she added, “I work at Forbidden with him.”

Sarah nodded. “Our brothers used to work there together. That’s how we met.”

That was about all the friendly small talk I could stomach. “Do you mind if I drop you off first, Juli?”

The glare she shot me told me what a rude jackass I was being, but I couldn’t help it. Violence was bubbling just under the surface of my skin. Nice was not in my vocabulary at the moment.

“That’s fine,” Julianna answered, despite her irritation.

I nodded. “Thanks.”

BRANDT

The interior of my truck grew even quieter after we dropped Juli off at her apartment and I walked her to her door.

When I returned to the truck, Sarah was gazing out the passenger side window, ignoring me. That pissed me off. She needed to start talking. Now.

I climbed behind the wheel, started the engine, and steered us back onto the road, grinding my teeth and stewing until I just couldn’t take it any longer.

“This,” I growled when I turned down her street, “is exactly why I wanted to know more about him before he ever took you out.”

She sniffed and glared over her shoulder at me. “I’m really not in the mood for an I-told-you-so.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” I tried to keep my cool, but I was still upset about seeing her cry and not yet being able to kill the bastard for it...or even know what he’d done to cause it. But I couldn’t keep the sneer from my voice when I muttered, “Excuse me for worrying about you.”

“Well excuse me for wanting to go on a date like a normal, average woman without all the drama of you background checking him, or giving him the third degree, or maybe even threatening him to treat me right.”

God, I hated it when she was right. “I might not have done that.”

Except I totally would have, because she wasn’t a normal, average woman. She was the most precious thing in my life. I knew it was unnatural how much I relied on her to be there for me when I needed a friend, but I didn’t care. Sarah was priceless to me. I couldn’t help but be overprotective of her and snarl at any threat that came near her.

I didn’t know how to tell her any of this, though; she seemed determined to push her crappy mood off onto me.

“That’s exactly what you would’ve done,” she ranted. “You are so fucking predictable it’s not even funny. I love you for caring, but you take it too far.”

Too far? I hadn’t even done anything! And I really didn’t appreciate receiving the brunt of whatever shittiness Seth had started. He was going to die an extra time for that alone.

Working my jaw, I pulled to the curb in front of her house and tried to calm myself because arguing over what I might or might not have done was getting us nowhere. Spinning toward her as soon as I cut the engine, I demanded, “Will you just tell me what he did already?”

“Screw you.” Shoving open her door, she climbed out and slammed it shut. But she couldn’t go very far. Stomping off to the house wasn’t an option, and she didn’t have the muscle to lift her chair from the bed of my truck.

I stole a second to grip the wheel tight and squeeze my eyes shut. When I jerked open my door and rounded the bed of my truck so I could fetch her chair, she leaned against the side of my truck, waiting impatiently. She hugged herself the entire time and shook like crazy, avoiding all eye contact as she lifted her chin stubbornly.

I flipped open the chair and set it on the sidewalk for her, making sure it was ready for her to sit in.

“Your chariot,” I bit out.

Sparing me a killer glare, she muttered, “Bastard,” and slid down, seating herself.

I snickered. “You’re welcome, by the way. It was simply an honor to save you from your fucking date.”

Sarah ignored me as she rolled up the driveway without a goodbye, fuck off, or even a backward glare.

My fingers curled into fists at my sides. Oh, this was so not over. I was not leaving this property until I found out what good ol’ Seth had done.

She must’ve known I’d followed her because once she reached the front door, unlocked it and shoved her way inside, she tried to slam it in my face.

I caught it before it broke my nose and glared at her back as she sped through the front room and past her brother, who was sitting on the couch, watching TV in nothing but some sleep pants.

“What the hell?” he yelped, jumping to his feet and gaping after his sister, who barely spared him a glance on her way through.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight,” was all she muttered.

Mason slowly turned to pierce me with his confused gaze. “Why are you bringing her home and not—”

“I have no fucking clue!” I yelled, fed up with this shit. I wanted to hit something. Hard.

But Mason glared and lifted his hand to hush me. “Shh. Reese and the kids are already asleep.”

“Shit.” I braced my hands on my hips and blew out a long, steadying breath. “Sorry. She just...she texted me and asked me to pick her up. Now she won’t tell me what happened, and it’s pissing me the hell off.”

Concern lit Mason’s face. “Something bad happened? With her date?” He turned as if he wanted to follow her to her room and find out the problem for himself, but I jumped forward, not about to let that happen. If he stepped in, I wouldn’t be needed, and there was no fucking way I was going to be left out of this.

She had contacted me. So here I was.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll find out what happened. I got this.”

Mason looked momentarily wary of letting me near his sister, and panic filled my chest. If he said no, what could I do? I couldn’t bulldoze past him and storm into her room regardless. And I had a feeling she wouldn’t open the window for me if I tried getting in that way.

Looking him dead in the eye, I said, “I can get her to talk to me.”

He knew to believe me because I’d managed it before. Mason always knew he could trust me with Sarah, so that was probably why he gave a reluctant nod and shifted as if to let me pass. I hurried into the hall just as he called, “I want to know what this guy did too.”

Unable to promise that, I simply acted as if I hadn’t heard him.

When I reached Sarah’s room, I was relieved to discover she hadn’t locked me out. Slipping inside, I found her already out of her chair and sitting on her bed with her bare feet on the floor and her fingers gripping the edge of the mattress as she scowled at me.

“And don’t tattle my entire life to my brother, either.”

I sighed and eased the door shut behind me. Saying nothing, I approached her before sitting next to her until we were side by side, both staring at her closed door.

“I didn’t tattle,” I finally answered, feeling calm enough to be rational. “I simply tried to smooth the waters because you know he would’ve burst in here and demanded answers. But he’s not here, now is he?”

Sarah’s chin quivered as she watched the door, but her brother never breached the entrance. Finally, she blew out a breath and quietly said, “I’m sorry I’m pushing my pissy mood off on you. You don’t deserve it.”

I shrugged. “No reason to apologize. If you’re pissed, you should be allowed some pissiness.”

Sniffing, she wiped at her nose. “Not at you, not when you dropped everything to come help me.”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for.” Scrubbing my hands through my hair, I wished I knew how to pry the answers I wanted from her. But Sarah was a stubborn case. The more I prodded, the more she clamped shut.

I’d have to wait until she was ready to talk. So I just sat there, waiting.

And going fucking insane.

About a minute later, she wiped at her cheek and said, “I know it’s selfish to want things, but...I just wanted to know what it’d feel like to date. To kiss. To...to fuck.”

“To what?” I totally wasn’t expecting her to say that.

She looked at me, no apology or shame or even embarrassment in her eyes. “I’m sorry, but I’m curious, okay. Everyone else goes on dates, and kisses, and...and has sex. Why can’t I? I don’t want to die a moldy, old, crusted-over virgin.”

“Oh, whatever. You’re only twenty-two. That’s not exactly—”

“The way my life’s gone so far,” she went on talking over me, “no sex, ever, seems to be how it’s going to continue. I would give anything to know what an orgasm felt like that didn’t come from my own fingers.”

That’s when my mind blanked out. Call me a guy, whatever, but thinking of Sarah having an orgasm against her own fingers did it for me.

Unable to hear anything she said after that, my mind went on a mini porn party. All I could picture were her lips parted, head tilted back on a pillow, exposing her throat as her chest arched into the air while her own hand slid sinfully slow between her legs.

Damn.

I was as hard as a rock. The idea of Sarah masturbating...

Yeah. Just...damn.

I’d never thought of her that way before. I mean, okay, I’d thought of her that way, sure. I was male, she was female, I’d had plenty of sex fantasies about her over the years. But I’d never guessed she thought that way too. She never told dirty jokes, made sexual references, checked out other dudes. I assumed she was completely oblivious to what two people could do when they were naked and alone together.

Learning she did think that way and even masturbated kind of hurt. I mean, if she’d finally grown interested in sex, why couldn’t she have been interested in sex with me?

And fuck, why did my brain keep going there? There were other reasons I’d always stayed away in that regard. I was too fucked up to be anything else for her but a friend.

I tended to be a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy. One and done. Wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

When I thought about it, I realized I was basically a douche when it came to sex, so I usually shied away from thinking about it because I wasn’t exactly proud to be a douche. That was just how it turned out.

I didn’t date, reason number one why it had felt so uncomfortable to take Julianna out. I didn’t enter relationships. I hooked up with women who were also only interested in nothing but the nookie with me, and I didn’t stay friends with any of my past partners. I had Sarah for anything that wasn’t sexual, so I had no use for anything else but a good time from others.

That was why I was going to stay far away from all of Sarah’s sex parts. She deserved the best, and I had no fucking clue how to be any kind of boyfriend.

But thinking of her dating someone else, knowing he would get to know what it felt like to be inside her and give her that orgasm she so earnestly craved, didn’t exactly fill me with the warm fuzzies. Honestly, it scared the shit out of me.

Sarah wouldn’t be with a guy until she felt comfortable with him, which meant she’d have to get close to him and like him. I didn’t want her getting closer to some other asshole than she was to me. I didn’t want some strange fucker taking my spot in her bed.

She was mine.

Except I couldn’t claim her for myself, which was a dilemma that I could never tell her about because she’d probably punch me in the nads for even thinking what I was thinking. But I still couldn’t help it. And I still didn’t want her dating. All the while, I had to suck it up and be a supportive friend and maybe even help her out somehow, though fuck, I couldn’t breathe so well.

I had a dooming premonition I was going to lose her because of her sudden desire to experience a sex life.

I suddenly hated sex.

Shit. No, I didn’t.

“Brandt?”

“Hmm?” I jerked my gaze up to find Sarah frowning in concern.

Her brow knit as she said, “You phased out on me.”

Damn, what had we been talking about? Oh yeah: her and masturbation.

Fuck. Still hard and still not able to hate sex even a little.

I cleared my throat and shook my head, “Yeah, I...I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t think I should have those kinds of urges, do you?” Her eyes were wide and sad as if she truly believed I wanted her to remain sexless.

Okay, so maybe I did. But that was for my own selfish reasons, because I couldn’t claim her for myself and I certainly couldn’t handle the idea of any other man ever having her. It was not because I wanted her to be miserable.

With a sigh, I flopped backward on her bed and stared up at her ceiling despondently. Talking sex with her was a no-win situation.

“Right now, all I want to know is why I had to cancel my date to pick you up from yours.”

Hugging herself, she rocked back and forth as she muttered, “I didn’t mean for you to cancel your date. You could’ve just dropped me off at home and continued on your way. Or better yet, told me you were busy. I would’ve understood.”

“You sent me a fucking SOS!” I yelled. Then immediately quieted because I remembered other occupants of the house were sleeping. “You think I would’ve been able to continue a date after that? Fuck my date. Just tell me what happened.”

“I overreacted!” she whisper-hissed back. “Okay? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you, and I apologize.”

“And fuck the apologies. Just...talk already!”

“No.”

“Sarah,” I growled, feeling a vein in my neck pulse dangerously. “I swear, I’m a second away from losing my shit.”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Why?” I sat up to be on a more even level with her.

“Because I feel like an idiot.” She bowed her head as a sob made her entire torso shudder. “I should’ve known Seth wanting to go out with me because he was actually interested was too good to be true. And I’m a fool for falling for his lies.”

God, she was crying again. I set my hand on her back. “You’re not an idiot, no matter what. And I’m going to kill him, no matter what. So you might as well just tell me why I am.”

“Fine.”

After wiping at the tears on her cheeks, she reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. “His friend texted his phone while he was in the other room getting us some drinks. And this is...well, here’s the group-text conversation about four or five of them have had over the past few days.”

She tapped into her photos where she’d taken a couple screenshots of some texts. Frowning when she handed them to me, I watched her pale face a minute, wondering what could be so incriminating from a text.

Then I frowned. “He didn’t passcode protect his phone?” After my cell phone encounter with Shayla in high school, I’d always protected my phone.

She rolled her eyes. “Worse. His code was 1-2-3-4.”

“Ah.” Finally ready to see what she had to show me, I glanced down and read the bottom, most recent message first.

It said: Don’t forget, asshole. You need to provide proof before we pay you.

That made no sense to me, so I moved up to the one above it.

Have you nailed the cripple yet?

“What?” I breathed out, the air stalling in my chest.

Needing to start from the beginning, I found the first text and promptly became sicker and sicker from every post I read on my way back to the end.

Apparently, Sarah had been the object of a challenge. A couple of Seth’s buddies had dared him to ask her out and then sleep with her tonight. He hadn’t wanted to, but they’d kept picking at him, even offering to pay him until the price rose to over two hundred dollars. Finally, he’d been forced into it to save face.

“What the fuck?” I shook my head, unable to believe my eyes.

What...why...how could anyone do this to Sarah?

They didn’t even know her. They had no idea how amazing, and sweet, and spirited she was.

They’d only seen something to ridicule and...and they’d hurt her.

Those bastards had hurt Sarah.

I looked up, feeling as if a Mack truck had slammed into my chest. Sarah’s eyes grew big when she saw my expression. I wasn’t sure what I looked like; I was too dazed to care. But she gripped my hand and whispered, “Please don’t lose it.”

For some reason, those four words flipped a switch inside me. I went from hurt on her behalf to outright livid.

“Motherfucker,” I hissed, curling my finger around the phone that held such vile words about my Sarah until I swore I heard the plastic case crack.

That prick was going to hurt for this. He was going to bleed, and scream, and cry for what he’d done to her. And then he was going to bleed, and scream, and cry all over again. I couldn’t believe I’d left him in that apartment untouched. I was such a fucking idiot.

Winding back my arm to throw the offending words on her phone as hard as I could against the wall, I paused when Sarah cringed and ducked, covering her head with her arms.

Shit.

Freezing, with my arm raised, I said, “I’m not losing it.” I was in complete, utter, murderous control.

After placing the phone gently in her lap, I stood up, murmuring, “I gotta go.”

“No!” She leaped off the bed after me, and I had to catch her or she would’ve fallen flat on her face.

“Sarah!” Gripping her arms, I pulled her against my chest and then eased us back onto the bed. “What the hell?”

She clung to me like superglue. “Don’t go over there. Please. You could get hurt.”

When I sniffed at the likelihood of that, she said in a stronger voice, “You could get into trouble.”

That was more probable, but I didn’t care. “He can’t get away with doing this to you.” And neither would the friends who’d talked him into doing it. As soon as I beat him for his offenses against Sarah, I was going to beat the addresses of all his punk-ass buddies out of him next.

But try as I might to pry her arms from around me, my best friend refused to budge.

“Let go,” I commanded.

“No.” Shaking her head, she buried her face against my chest and wept, soaking my shirt with her tears. I swear, each drop that fell from her eyes felt like acid sizzling directly against my soul. I hated her pain. “Don’t leave me,” she choked out. “Please. I need you. Right here, right now. Don’t go.”

I closed my eyes and tilted my face in until my nose was buried in her hair and I could inhale her familiar scent.

“Damn you,” I whispered, gathering her up so I could lay us both down on the bed, me with my head cushioned in one of her pillows, and her plastered to my side with her cheek on my chest. Banding one arm around her waist and cupping the back of her neck with my other hand, I kissed her hair and prayed for her pain to stop.

I could always go back to apartment 5A on Locust Street tomorrow. Right now, Sarah needed me here, so that was where I stayed.

SARAH

I sobbed on Brandt so long I gave myself a headache. My limbs ached and my eyes were nearly swollen shut when I returned to the land of the living and rolled my face from his chest to look into his concerned blue eyes.

“Jesus,” he murmured, cupping my cheek. “Can you even see?”

I could see him, which was all I really wanted to see, so I was fine. But it must’ve taken me too long to answer because he sat up and started to scoot off the bed.

“I’m going to get you a warm, wet rag.”

I felt too weak and hollowed out to argue with him, so I just stayed there, exhausted and drained on the bed, my hair fluttering in my face when I shifted to rest my aching head on a pillow.

When Brandt returned, he sat next to me and carefully parted the tangled mess of hair to see my face. “You still in there?” he asked in an amused voice.

I huffed. “No.” I was just a vacant shell of misery.

But then beautiful blue eyes met mine, crinkling in the corners with a soft smile. “Found you.”

He pressed a folded washcloth to my skin. I sucked in a breath from the delicious sting of soothing warmth. Grabbing his wrist that was holding the rag to my face, I held on to him for dear life. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”

He sighed. “You apologize to me again, and I really will tickle you until you pee. None of this was your fault.”

With a sniff, I shook my head. “Then why do I feel like such an idiot? I mean, how naive does a girl have to be to think she was going on a real date when the guy was only with her to win a bet? I hate to break it to you, but I’m the only person I’ve ever heard of this happening to.”

The cloth was ripped off my face so Brandt could give me the full intensity of his scowl. “You are not an idiot, naive or otherwise. When a fucking prick bastard deceives you and tries to use you the way this one did, that’s on him. Not you. And you actually caught him before he did anything, so honestly, I’m impressed with just how smart you are.”

I cracked off a sharp laugh. “Smart? Yeah, right. That’s funny. I was so fucking smart I asked Reese for advice about getting my first kiss while I was getting ready for this joke of a date. I actually wanted one, too. I mean, I seriously thought...” Squeezing my eyes closed, I bowed my head. “I just...I feel so stupid.”

“Will you stop saying that? You are not stupid. That dickhead is a bastard. End of discussion.”

But my tears were returning, and I couldn’t seem to quell them. Brandt sighed and rubbed a spot on the center of his forehead. Then he growled out a sound of irritation. I knew it was because he hated it when I cried. It always filled him with a helpless kind of frustration.

Finally, he muttered, “As for your first kiss...here.”

Leaning forward, he pressed his mouth to mine.

Totally unprepared, I sat there, stunned, gawking at him.

“Close your eyes,” he said against my mouth, amusement lacing his tone.

When he spoke, his lips were dry but soft as they rasped against mine. Heat coiled in the base of my stomach, and I instantly slapped my eyelashes together.

He rumbled out a sound of appreciation. “Now kiss me back.”

I had no idea what that meant, so I puckered my mouth as I did when I kissed my niece’s and nephew’s cheeks, then I made the kissy sound before pulling away.

Brandt laughed, his blue eyes sparkling with delighted humor. Realizing the kissy sound was probably totally unnecessary, I began to blush in hot humiliation, but he said, “Again,” and pressed his mouth back to mine.

This time, my eyes closed automatically and my head tilted to accommodate him. His lips brushed across mine, and my nipples tingled inside my bra.

I shifted closer, as scared as I was intrigued by the sensation. Brandt cupped my cheek in one palm, and his tongue gently nudged the seam of my lips. I opened for him more on instinct than rationally telling myself to do so. It was as if my body took over and brain shut down, because the last thought I remembered having was that I didn’t want to be a dead fish to him right before his tongue touched mine, and suddenly I was sliding mine across his and investigating the feel.

My breasts pulsed again, and the sensation between my legs matched them with the same thrumming need. I caught the front of his shirt and fisted it between my fingers as he moved his head, slanting to get more of me.

I whimpered, and he echoed the sound with a throatier groan.

As our tongues knotted together, he rolled me onto my back and slid partially on top of me, threading his fingers up my cheek and into my hair before grasping and encouraging my head to tilt where he wanted it to go.

My entire body throbbed, burning for more. Letting go of his shirt, I planted my hands in his hair, my fingers delighting in the silky softness. He shifted restlessly, sliding a little further on top of me, and broke from my mouth to kiss his way along my jaw. I gasped for air and gaped up at the ceiling above me while his lips traced my ear before his tongue flicked out to tease the lobe.

I let go of his hair to curl my hand under his arm and clutch the muscles in his back. Brandt followed my lead by skimming his own fingers from my hair, down the side of my neck before clutching my ribcage so his thumb grazed the side of my breast.

Arching up at the contact, I dug my nails into his back and gasped.

His mouth returned to mine. This time, our tongues were eager and needy, dueling for more. While they attacked each other, his hand shifted, moving farther up the side of my breast. I squirmed, aching to feel his fingers cover the hard, pebbled peaks when a small muffled voice on the other side of my bedroom wall wailed, “Mama.”

“Shit!” Brandt hissed, yanking himself off me and rolling until he was lying on his back beside me and sucking in air. “Holy shit.”

In the hallway, footsteps shuffled past my bedroom door as Reese went to check on whichever kiddo had called for her.

Next to me, my best friend set the back of his wrist against his forehead as he struggled for breath. Oxygen chugged like crazy through my lungs as I tilted my head to the side to see him.

He looked...shell-shocked. His cheeks were high in color and his eyes were glazed as he dropped his hand from his face so he could turn to look back. Then he licked his lips and swallowed noisily. “So, yeah. There you go. First kiss.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling so brain-dead I wasn’t sure what else to say except wow. Like really...wow. “Is it always so—” I broke off suddenly, realizing I was actually asking that aloud.

Brandt huffed out an amused sound. “Um...no. That was...” He shook his head before murmuring, “Pretty damn spectacular,” as if that fact left him dazed.

A grin bloomed across my face as joy heated my chest. “Really?” Thank God I hadn’t been the only one feeling it.

Thank God I didn’t suck at it.

“Yeah.” He glanced at me again, but this time, when our gazes connected, his eyes flared with horror. Before I knew what was going on, he leaped upright and briskly scratched the back of his head. “I, uh, I should go.”

He started for the window. But as soon as he lifted it, I said, “Brandt.”

His entire body flinched, but he stopped what he was doing. He didn’t turn back to look at me when he said, “Hmm?”

“You came in through the front door...not the window.”

“Right. Shit.” He shut the window and wiped his hand over his mouth. “Sorry.” When he finally glanced at me, he winced. My eyes were still a little crusty from crying, so I was sure I appeared pretty bleak.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking incredibly guilty.

“Of course.” I beamed up at him, being totally honest. Because I was okay. I was better than okay. That kiss had been...wow.

Everything.

I knew his rush to leave should probably worry me, possibly even hurt, but it actually made me feel better. Kissing me had rattled him, right down to his core.

I sorta loved that.

My mouth could actually rattle Brandt Gamble.

If I could have any superpower, that might be the one I wanted above all others.

But he looked so miserable, and guilty, and frazzled, that I couldn’t help but ask. “Are you okay?”

“Fuck, no,” he blurted before pressing a fist to his forehead, wincing and trying to revise, “I mean...yeah, of course.”

My grin grew, which only seemed to make him more irritable.

“I gotta go,” he muttered, whirling around and escaping through my bedroom door. “See you.”

A small laugh flitted from my lungs. Falling backward onto the bed, I stared giddily up at the ceiling and sighed.

“See you,” I told the empty room. And that right there was the only reason I was still happy. Because I knew I would see him again. There was no scaring Brandt off for good. No matter how much our kiss might’ve freaked him out, the one thing I could always rely on was the fact that I’d see him again, no matter what.

Since the moment he’d defended me in the school hall to Chloe Hilliard the first time we’d met, he’d been the most faithful presence in my life. He could take as much time as he needed to adjust to this. I knew he’d be back.

And I was content.

~*~

“So, how ‘bout that first kiss, huh?”

Stunned by the question, I ripped my fingers from my lips where I’d been touching them in thoughtful consternation and whirled to gape at my sister-in-law behind the wheel of my SUV.

“What?”

How the heck did she know?

It was mid-Saturday morning, and we were on our way to a checkup because my doctor had a new antispasmodic medicine he wanted me to try.

Ahh, the joys of CP.

Mason had been planning on going with me to my appointment, but at the last minute, Reese had swept in and taken his place, leaving him home with the twins. I should’ve known then it was because she’d wanted to girl-talk, but I’d been in too much of a daze to realize.

Glancing over at me, she wiggled her eyebrows. “It was everything you thought it’d be, wasn’t it?”

I shook my head. “Wha-what makes you think I was kissed?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she answered, though she laughed knowingly. “Maybe it’s that dazed look you have on your face as if you’re still reeling from it. Like you’ve been ruined for all other kisses ever. It must’ve been really good, huh?”

Good couldn’t even come close to what that kiss had been.

I still felt like a melted puddle of estrogen all these hours later.

“Mason was so sure Seth had done something wrong after Brandt ended up bringing you home last night, but I’m going to be honest. You’re glowing way too much for anything bad to have gone down.”

My body jerked with surprise at the mention of Seth. And I was sure the glow slunk right off my face.

But hell, I hadn’t even thought of Seth yet this morning. Or last night. Not after Brandt had left.

The only thing I’d been able to do was touch my tingling lips and just...grin.

Upon remembering him now, the sick swirl in my stomach returned with a vengeance. The text messages I’d read, the look on Seth’s face when he’d returned to the living room with two glasses of wine, as he was being forced to do something he dreaded…they were suddenly right there, back in my head again.

The last thing he’d wanted to do was touch me. It made me feel vile, as if I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s touch. Ever.

And here Reese was, grinning at me encouragingly. She probably assumed he’d been the one to kiss me.

“No.” I shook my head, unable to let her think that for even a second longer. “I mean...Seth and I...we didn’t...no. There was no kiss there.”

With a little moan of defeat, Reese slumped her shoulders and winced. “It was a bad date then, wasn’t it? Crap. Mason never did get out of Brandt what happened.”

When she glanced at me as if expecting the entire story, I sighed. Telling her was the last thing I wanted to do. In fact, I’d been quite happy forgetting it entirely until she’d brought it up. But everyone was going to keep wondering until I gave them something, so I glanced out the passenger side window.

Going with a half-truth, I mumbled, “He...Seth called me...the c-word.”

Reese gasped. “Cunt?”

I laughed softly and shook my head. “No. Cripple.”

“Oh.” She straightened her spine and scowled out the front windshield, her lips flat with displeasure. To her, heck, to all of us, that was a worse offense than being called a cunt. “Well, he’s out, then,” she said flippantly, when really, I knew Seth was completely and utterly dead to her now. “Which, honestly, is fine with me because I always thought you’d end up with Brandt, anyway.”

I choked on my surprise and gaped at her. “Say what?”

“Yeah, don’t even act surprised, chickie. That boy is completely and irrevocably in love with you. He worships the ground you roll upon. And it’s clear as day you love him back. Besides...” She sounded a little too smug as her lips hitched up with a superior grin. “I know you got kissed last night. And if it wasn’t from Seth, then...that leaves Brandt.”

Damn it. I hated how well she could read me.

Sinking deeper into my seat, I reluctantly admitted, “I whined to him about missing out on my first kiss, so...he gave me one.”

“Mmm hmm,” she murmured, though the look in her eyes said she knew otherwise. “If you say so.”

“What?” I demanded, surprised. “That’s exactly what happened.”

“And I totally believe you.” She reached out to pat my knee. “I just find it curious that after nine years of knowing you and being your friend without a single smooch, he waited until the very night you went out with someone else to give you your first kiss.”

I frowned, confused. “What’re you saying?”

“I’m saying he was jealous as hell. Some other dog was sniffing around his piece of meat, and he didn’t like that.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I cannot believe you just called me a piece of meat. Or him a dog. And that was totally not the case. He just felt bad for me; that’s all.”

She laughed. “Oh, sweetie. Guys do not kiss you because they feel bad for you. Ever.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up a finger. “Just be glad human men mark their territory with kisses and not by peeing on you.”

The mental image of Brandt hiking his leg near me caused me to bark out a laugh. “Oh my God. This conversation is so weird.”

It was just too bizarre for me to think that Brandt might actually be interested in me that way. I refused to let my mind wander. I’d let it go there with Seth, and look what had happened. Wasn’t happening again. Certainly not with Brandt. His rejection wouldn’t just hurt; it would outright slaughter me.

“Brandt knows this other guy called you the c-word, right?” Reese murmured, suddenly serious.

I nodded. “Oh, yeah.”

She blew out a relieved-sounding breath. “Good.” Strangely, there was some evil relish to her smile. “I don’t have to worry about doing anything to him myself, then. With Mr. Hot Lips Gamble on the scene, that jackass is already as good as dead.”

My stomach roiled with unease. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” I’d managed to keep Brandt from hunting Seth down last night, but he wouldn’t let it rest. “If he gets himself into trouble, it’ll be all my fault.”

“Don’t worry. After years of watching all those strange movies with you that you love so much, I’m sure he knows how to hide a body without getting caught by now.”

“Reese,” I shrieked, aghast.

She laughed and held up her hands before returning them to the steering wheel. “Kidding. But seriously, I’m sure he knows how to make a guy hurt without getting himself in trouble.”

I hoped so, because one thing I knew for sure was that he wouldn’t let this drop. His protective instincts were just that strong.

God, I loved my stupid, noble defender, even if I did worry for him.

He wasn’t the only man who’d defy trouble to guard me, though. Relieved we’d been able to keep the worst part from my brother, I glanced at Reese. “Are you going to tell Mason?” I asked. “About the kiss or the c-word?”

Reese sighed and looked momentarily torn. I knew she hated keeping stuff from him, but for me, she’d done it a few times. “I can forget about the kiss, I guess,” she finally answered, “But...probably not the other.” She winced at me and said, “Sorry.”

I nodded. “It’s okay.” He was still in the dark enough that I was sure he wouldn’t try to do something big brotherly.

Brandt, on the other hand... Yeah, I didn’t know what I was going to do there.

BRANDT

I had to be the stupidest motherfucker on the planet.

I hadn’t just kissed my best friend, I’d freaking inhaled her. I’d tasted the forbidden and it’d been the sweetest damn flavor to ever grace my tongue. In return, she’d branded a piece of herself into me permanently.

Seriously, how the hell was I supposed to kiss another woman after that without comparing her to Sarah? Without wishing...

Fuuuuck. This was not good.

What if she wanted more? I would so give it to her, but then I’d so lose her, and that was the one thing I couldn’t do. Sarah was my steady when everything else felt unstable. She was the voice of reason when I was being unreasonable. She was just...there, always there for me, whenever I needed her. I trusted her more than anyone else on the planet, except I guess I couldn’t trust her with the one thing I trusted no one with.

She had my heart, but I couldn’t give her my fears. They’d twisted a part of me, and I was too ashamed to let her see that part, because I was deathly afraid that might be the one thing to send her running for good.

“It’s CP, right?”

I jumped and glanced around to find Julianna watching me scrub beer stains from the countertop of the bar with a vengeance.

Internally cringing, I decided that agreeing to go on a date with a girl on the night before I was supposed to work with her again probably hadn’t been the smartest thing I’d ever done. But hey, with the decisions I’d made lately, smart had abandoned me long ago.

Like it’d been idiotic of me not to beat Seth’s face in last night when I’d been at his apartment to pick Sarah up.

The douche was a wily one. I’d paid a visit to apartment 5A earlier today and no one had answered the door. I’d been sure I’d heard someone inside too. But the little pussy bastard had been too scared to face me.

He should be.

I really wished I could’ve been able to bash his face in, anything to help me stop thinking about what Sarah and I had done last night.

Which reminded me Juli was blinking at me, waiting for an answer.

Shit. What had she said? Shaking my head, I murmured, “I’m sorry?”

“Your Sarah?” she prompted, making my heart thump at that title. My Sarah. “She has cerebral palsy, right?”

“Yeah,” I said slowly. Suspiciously. “How’d you know?”

She shrugged. “My cousin Benny has it. But it took me a bit to realize Sarah did too because she’s a little different than he is. While she moves more, he has a lot worse posture than her.”

I nodded, dropping the rag I was using to face her fully. “He probably has spastic CP, which is the most common type. Sarah’s is athetoid.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize there were different kinds.” She opened the glass washing machine under the counter to find that, what do you know, the crew who’d worked last night hadn’t emptied the last cycle.

So as she began to remove the dishes, I answered, “There’s a different kind for just about everything out there.”

Lifting her eyebrows, she murmured, “Touché.” She turned briefly to stack glasses with the others lining the back wall and then turned back. “My, uh...Benny. He has problems reasoning and thinking things through. I was surprised that Sarah seemed so...”

“She’s incredibly smart,” I said. “Only about a third of CP people have reasoning problems or seizures. Sarah will get seizures but has no problem thinking. In fact, last year, she cried when she got her first C in a freaking biology class.”

“She’s in college? What’s her major?”

“Computer programming. We graduate this spring.”

“Oh, you’re a student too?” Juli paused her cup stacking to send me a startled glance. “At Ellamore? Get out! I’m a junior there, but I’ve never seen you on campus. What’s your major?”

“Physical therapy.” I pulled out the next row of clean glasses to help her stack.

She sent me a smile of appreciation for helping even as she asked, “Because of Sarah?”

I winked. “You know it.” I’d always been fascinated when I’d watched people help Sarah improve her motor function.

“Hmm,” Juli hummed out in a thoughtful kind of way, pausing to watch me take up the slack in her job. “You must’ve known her a long time.”

“Nine years,” I answered. “She came to town with her mom and brother a few months before I showed up here to live with my brother. Actually, our brothers were both bartenders here at Forbidden, and that’s how we met.”

“She mentioned that. Are you working Monday?” The out-of-the-blue last question threw me for a loop since I wasn’t expecting it.

I glanced up confused. “What?”

She tossed me a rueful grin. “I was just thinking, since that’s my next night off, if you weren’t working either...we could maybe try to finish that date of ours.”

I opened my mouth and froze, not sure what to say. I had planned on apologizing to her first thing for the way last night had ended, but she’d sidetracked me with Sarah questions, and now...now she was steering the conversation where I definitely didn’t want it to go, because after last night—with Sarah—my head was so messed up, I didn’t have any business dating any woman right now.

But before I could turn her down and apologize, someone on the other side of the bar said, “You two went out last night?”

Juli and I both spun to find a very interested Colton listening in on our conversation.

I groaned. “Jesus, what do you want from me tonight, you little twerp?”

He held up a finger in my direction. “I’m not here for you, big brother. I actually came to see my future baby mama.” Then he grinned at my coworker. “So you ditched out on him early on a date, huh? He’s a dreadfully dull guy to go out with, isn’t he? I knew it!”

While I growled at him, Julianna hissed, “I’m not your future anything, asshat.”

Colton blinked, his face a mask of stunned blankness. Obviously not expecting her to say that, he stuttered, “Uh...” A fumbling moment later, he let out an uneasy laugh. “While the idea of making babies with you is...damn, very appealing, I, um, wasn’t exactly—”

He coughed and scratched the back of his neck, murmuring, “Awkward,” under his breath just as someone else said, “Colton? Is that you?”

Spinning away a bit too eagerly, he faced the waitress who approached him, setting a hand against her swollen pregnant belly as she waddled close.

My little brother’s face lit up. “Hey, there you are! Happy birthday.” He tugged a small black box with a red bow on it from his pocket and handed it over. “This is for you.”

As Felicity’s face brightened with pleasure, Juli stepped closer to me. Out of the side of her mouth, she murmured, “That whole future baby mama shit; he wasn’t talking about me, was he?”

I winced. “Umm...”

“Wow,” she whispered. “Embarrassing.”

“He’s had a mad crush on Felicity since he was ten or eleven,” I tried to explain.

Ever since Felicity had helped him get over his nightmares, he’d given her husband a hard time about how he was going to steal her away. And even though he flirted with her mercilessly, I had a feeling he actually saw her as more of a mother figure than any kind of future baby mama.

“He does realize who Felicity’s married to, right?” Julia asked, looking almost worried for his sake. She had reason. Knox was a big motherfucker and looked mean as hell, plus he boxed professionally, so he could back up his sneer.

I laughed. “Yeah, he knows.” And he’d never acted intimidated by Knox’s dark glowers either. The kid had balls of pure steel.

“Yo,” I told him when another waitress called out a two-minute warning. “You gotta get lost, bro. We’re opening.”

He waved a hand at me, telling me to shut up and letting me know he’d heard me all at the same time. Then he hugged Felicity goodbye and turned back to the bar to flip me off before he settled his gaze on Juli.

Pointing at her, he winked. “And you...don’t think I’m going to forget about you wanting me to father your children, baby doll. Someday, you just watch, it’s gonna happen.”

Julianna must’ve still been embarrassed; she didn’t have any kind of parting shot to spew at him. As her gaze followed his stroll toward the exit, the strangest expression crossed her face, as if she were trying to figure him out. But then she caught me watching her watch him, and she shook her head before rolling her eyes. “Is he always that irritating?”

I grinned. “Always.”

“Shame,” she murmured before clearing her throat and focusing on my face. “So about Monday night,” she prompted, flashing a grin my way.

With a wince, I shook my head and glanced toward the door, wishing we could get some business right about now. And though some customers had trickled in, none of them were approaching the bar yet.

“I...I’m sorry,” I said, turning back to Juli with a regretful cringe. “I kind of wanted to do something with Sarah so I could help her get over her shitty date last night.”

And...now that those words had left my lips, I realized Juli’s date the night before hadn’t ended any better than Sarah’s had. Damn. She was going to hate me.

Surprisingly, all she did was send me a soft smile. “Aww, that’s sweet of you. Did you ever find out what that guy did to her?”

I froze, gritting my teeth. “Yeah, he, uh...” I couldn’t tell her the truth; Sarah would be humiliated beyond reason. “He just said some inappropriate stuff that made her uncomfortable. No biggie. But it kind of dented her confidence so...” Yeah. I was suffering from my usual urge to step in and make everything all better for her again.

Just as I had last night when I’d thought giving her her first kiss would help.

Help?

I was such a fucking idiot.

I should probably stay clear of Sarah for a while, because that kiss...damn, that kiss had rattled me, made me want and ache, and nearly beg her for more. It never should’ve happened. And seeing her again so soon after it had happened was probably dangerous.

But I was craving more time with her. Plus, I really did want to help with the blow her confidence had taken. So, screw danger. Tomorrow night, Sarah was mine.

~*~

Monday evening, I’d just taken a shower and was changing into some jeans and a comfortable white shirt when a dark-headed two-year-old toddled into my room.

“Bwandt wanna pway with me?” my nephew Beau asked, gazing up at me with big blue, pleading eyes.

He was such a cute kid, I hated to turn him down, but I wanted to get to Sarah’s house while there was still some daylight left. I hadn’t talked to her since the kiss, but I already knew she’d gotten off work at the writing center half an hour ago. So she should be home by now.

“Sorry, little man.” I picked him up so I could plop him onto my bed where he promptly started to jump on the mattress. “I gotta go see Sarah tonight.”

His eyes lit with hope. “Sarah wanna pway?” he asked. I swear he was half in love with her because she let him ride on her lap in her wheelchair. And she always went faster when he begged her to.

But, “No, sorry. Not tonight. Where’s Colton? I bet he’d play with you.”

“Cole gone,” Beau announced, still jumping contentedly.

I rolled my eyes, wondering if Colton had stayed in one night since Aspen had grounded him. Yeah, probably not. The punk. He knew she’d never do anything too severe to him. Aspen was too much of a softie when it came to us. And though Noel might growl more than she did, he was too.

Which was probably why I was still living at home at twenty-two. My life was too cushy here for me to want to move out, even though I knew as soon as I did, Beau could have my room and Noel and Aspen could move his crib out of their room. But this was my home. It was the first place I’d ever lived that had felt like a home. Call me sentimental, but I was a little loath to leave my home. Besides, the university was practically walking distance away. There was really no reason to go anywhere else just yet.

I think Noel and Aspen understood my need to stay; they’d never once suggested it was time for me to leave, though I knew... I should start looking for a place of my own someday. I was going to have to grow up soon.

“Where’s your mom and dad?” I asked Beau.

“Kissing on the couch,” he answered, still jumping.

Jesus. I rolled my eyes. Noel and Aspen had been married eight years now, yet sometimes, they still made out like newlyweds. It was odd. Though I had to admit, if Aspen kissed anything like Sarah, I didn’t blame Noel for jumping her every chance he got.

And why the fuck had I just thought that about Sarah and kissing? God.

“Hey, you two!” I yelled toward the opened door of my room. “Get your lips off each other, already, and pay a little attention to your son, why don’t you?”

My call worked. Seconds later, both Noel and Aspen appeared in the doorway.

“What’s he done now?” Noel asked.

“Nothing.” I shoved my wallet into my back pocket as I slipped my feet into my tennis shoes. “He’s just lonely. So stop trying to make him a new brother or sister and play with the one you have. I’ve got places to be.”

After grabbing my phone and keys, I started from the room, pausing to kiss the side of Aspen’s head in farewell.

As I left, I heard Beau inviting his parents to come jump on my bed with him. The little shit. He had no idea how lucky he had it. Two parents who loved the fuck out of him and provided him with a good, stable home. Noel had been a kickass brother, but he was an even better dad.

So yeah, I was glad Beau had a better childhood than I’d ever had. Didn’t make me any less jealous of him, though. But it did make me wonder what kind of dad I’d be one day. Not that I’d ever get there. I’d kind of have to be able to settle with one woman first, and shit...

I was thinking about that kiss again.

Anywhere around Sarah was the last place I should be right now. Except my blood felt as if it’d been ignited with fireworks as I paused in the kitchen to collect everything I needed for my plans.

The entire way over to her place, I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and hummed under my breath, trying to expel my nervous energy. I couldn’t wait to see her.

Once I arrived, I was tempted to go around the side to her window but decided I was going to do this right.

She’d wanted a first real date. Well, she was going to get one.

SARAH

I was checking out a couple computer programming job openings in the area on my laptop when someone knocked on my door. Glancing up, I blinked when a grinning Brandt stepped inside, and my heart nearly pounded itself out of my chest.

“Hey. You busy?” he asked.

He looked good, like especially good. Which was weird, because he wasn’t dressed up at all. He wore a plain white, V-necked T-shirt and a regular pair of blue jeans that, okay, looked newer than most of the pairs he owned. But, I don’t know, there was something about him, as if he’d just shaved before coming over or had combed his hair or...what the hell? Was that cologne wafting off him?

It was! That was the scent I’d given him for Christmas.

Why the heck was he wearing cologne?

“Sarah?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow and looking amused by the way I was gawking at him.

I shook my head, getting my head back in the game.

Busy, he’d asked if I was busy.

“Sure,” I said. “I mean, no. Not busy. What do you need? Everything okay?”

I swear his eyes freaking sparkled with glee as he grinned at me. “Everything’s perfect. But I need you to come with me.”

He was being so mysterious, I laughed. “Where?”

“It’s a surprise,” he murmured, holding down a hand to me. “Are you in or out?”

“Oh, I’m in.” He knew what a sucker I was for surprises. Taking his hand as he helped me stand, I asked, “Is it out in public? Should I change?”

“Don’t change. You look perfect.” He kept grinning as he helped me to my chair, and it made my stomach churn, reminding me of our kiss. He looked like a little boy who couldn’t wait to give his parents the Christmas presents he’d picked out for them. It was freaking adorable.

“You’re being so mysterious,” I couldn’t help but say.

Chuckling, he leaned down to whisper into my ear. “And you love it.”

I shivered, and for once, I was happy I had CP to use as an excuse for my tremors, because holy hell, his breath on my neck was heaven.

Straightening, he crooked his finger for me to follow. “This way.”

He could’ve been leading me straight to the center of Hell, and I would’ve followed him eagerly. Looking the way he did and being so playfully cryptic, Brandt was just too tempting to resist.

As we entered the front room where Reese was braiding Issa’s hair, Brandt snapped his fingers and pointed to her. “Can I borrow something from your kitchen?” he asked. “I swear I’ll give it back when we’re done.”

“Uh...” Reese blinked before grinning slyly. “Well, sure. Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” He darted from the room, and I gazed after him, wondering what the heck he was getting.

Feeling a little drool at the corner of my mouth, I quickly wiped it away and sent my sister-in-law a confused glance. “Do you know what this is about?”

“No clue,” she answered, then whispered, “Maybe he wants to kiss you again.”

My face heated. “Shh!”

Reese snickered. Then she started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Brandt asked, sweeping back into the room.

“Nothing,” Reese and I yelped together.

He sent us an odd look before murmuring, “Okay,” and held the door open for me.

I glanced at Reese again, curious about his overly nice behavior.

Eyes twinkling with mirth, she blew me a kiss. “Have fun.” The wink that followed told me she definitely thought I’d be getting kissed again before the night was over. God, I hoped she was right.

I flushed and couldn’t meet Brandt’s gaze as I rolled past him out the door.

He said nothing on the way to his truck, but once we reached it, he leaned ahead of me to open my door. Then he helped me stand and climb into my seat before folding my chair. I watched him with a slight frown, wondering why he was being so...attentive. Usually he let me do all that by myself because my independence was so important to me. But this evening, something was different.

As soon as he shut my door, the most heavenly smell hit my nose, drifting up from the rear of the cab. I tried to twist around to see but couldn’t quite manage it.

“What’s that smell?” I demanded as soon as Brandt climbed into the truck.

He laughed as he tossed what looked like Reese’s wine bottle opener into the back. “You and your super sniffer. I should’ve known you’d catch on to that immediately.”

“Brandt Gabriel,” I growled. “You have food in this truck.” He’d better be planning on feeding me because it smelled really, really good. I might do him bodily harm if he made me smell that all the way to our destination and then denied me a taste. “What is it?”

“Garlic herb rotisserie chicken,” he answered as he started the engine. “I picked it up on the way here.”

I nearly whimpered. “Are you going to give me some?” Perking to attention when he turned toward the university, I wrinkled my brow. Where the heck was he taking me? “Where are we going?”

My confusion amused him. He just couldn’t seem to stop laughing. “Patience,” he was finally able to say. “We’re almost there.”

We wound through buildings on campus, past the library, tech center, and football stadium until we reached a small body of water that everyone called the campus lake. The grass around it was mowed short, and it was surrounded by benches and a couple of walking trails. A small bridge led into the center, where there was a tiny island with a monument dedicated to the first president of Ellamore University.

I glanced at Brandt curiously, wondering why he’d brought me here. We passed this lake almost every day on the way to class.

Watching a fountain out in the middle of the water, he told me, “Last week when we passed by here to pick up our graduation gowns together, you saw a couple having a picnic out on the island and you said it looked nice.”

Slowly, he turned to me, and when our gazes met, something warm and liquid flowed through my veins, something that made me feel more alive than I’d ever felt with any other person.

“You’re taking me on a picnic?” I asked, touched to the core.

“I’m taking you,” he murmured, “on a real, live, honest-to-God date.” Reaching into the backseat, he grabbed something and drew it up to the front before handing me a single, long-stemmed pink rose.

“Oh my gosh,” I gasped, reaching out with shaking fingers to collect my rose. Closing my eyes, I pressed it to my nose and inhaled its sweet fragrance. Roses were my favorite. “I think I’m going to cry. Brandt...” I opened my lashes. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“You wanted to experience a date, so you’re going to experience a date.” He leaned in to peck a quick kiss to the end of my nose. “And no crying. Only smiles and laughter are allowed for the rest of the night.”

I sniffed at his command. “But what if they’re happy tears?”

“God.” He shuddered and made a face. “No. Those are worse than the sad ones.”

“What?” I exclaimed, beyond confused. “How are they worse?”

“I don’t know. They just are.”

I threw back my head and laughed. “You are so weird.”

“Laughter. Good.” He pointed at me and winked. “Just keep that up. And stay here while I haul the picnic basket out to the island real quick. I’m carrying you to our spot. No wheelchairs allowed tonight, either.”

I shook my head as he threw open his door and popped from the truck before he opened the back extension and pulled out a wicker-covered basket by the handle.

“You can’t carry me that far,” I called, making him pause.

Glancing across the cab of the pickup at me, he lifted a single challenging eyebrow. “Watch me.”

As he shut the door and took off, I watched him through the window, smilingly giddily. I don’t know why I followed his demand and stayed like a good pet, but I was having fun, and besides, it gave me a moment alone in his truck to squeal out my excitement.

So I guess our kiss hadn’t scarred him too badly. That was good. I had no idea it would prompt him into this, though.

I still wanted to drop a couple happy tears because, wow, this had to be the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. After the debacle with Seth, I was kind of thinking I was done with the whole dating business. It had been a stupid pipe dream, anyway.

But Brandt giving me my first kiss, and now my first date, all because I told him how much I wanted one...well, it made my mind whirl with how many other things he’d be willing to give me...just because I wanted them.

Damn. No! I shouldn’t go there.

I was beyond honored he was doing all this for me. I wasn’t going to hope for more. God, I was such a greedy bitch.

Yet, even as I watched him out the window, strolling back to the truck after depositing the picnic basket, my body coiled with tension deep in my womb. A part of me craved that more he might possibly be willing to give. I swear I could still taste him on my tongue, feel his teeth on my earlobe, smell his scent as he slid his hand under my shirt.

“Oh, God,” I breathed, slipping down the visor to check out my hair in the mirror.

Hmm, didn’t look too bad. Reese had curled it for me before I’d left for classes this morning, and surprisingly there was still some bounce left. Biting my lips to make them redder, I popped my teeth from the bottom one just as he reached the truck and opened the passenger-side door.

Turning his back to me, he bent slightly, saying, “Climb aboard, my lady, and get ready for the ride of your life.” He grinned over his shoulder at me, wiggling his eyebrows.

I laughed. “You are such a goof,” I said, while actually his words heated me in all the right places. My breasts went heavy, and electricity sparked between my legs.

“Only for you,” he answered, reaching back to pat the back upper part of his shoulder blade, silently inviting me to crawl on.

Oh, God. Stomach knotted with arousal, I gingerly climbed from the truck and directly onto his shoulders. My stomach and breasts flattened against him as I gripped him for dear life, not feeling securely in place at all.

“Here, layer your arms over mine,” he offered, spreading his out wide like airplane wings.

When I did, which moved my cheek almost alongside his, he wound his arms around mine until his hands ended up on top of mine. Then he interlaced our fingers and bent slightly before kicking his truck door shut behind him and whooshing forward to give me a jogging ride.

I screamed out my surprise and gripped his fingers hard. “Brandt!”

“What?” he asked with a laugh, shifting his face toward mine until our cheeks rasped past each other. “Don’t like it?”

When he started to slow down, I realized I did like it. A lot. Instead of telling him to put me down, I cheered, “Faster!”

He chuckled and burst out running again.

I might possibly have screamed all the way to the bridge, where he slowed down and more carefully carried me across the swaying overpass.

Once we reached the blanket he’d already spread open, he lowered me gently to my feet, all the while turning to face me so he could keep me standing steady.

Unable to stop laughing, I brushed windblown hair from my eyes. “Okay, that was fun.”

My cheeks felt flushed, and the rest of me was just...exhilarated.

“Liked it?” he asked, helping me lower myself to the ground until I was seated comfortably.

With a snort, I rolled my eyes. “What’re you trying to do? Ruin me for all future dates ever?”

His blue eyes glittered with intensity. “Maybe.”

My breath caught as he settled next to me and busied himself, throwing open the basket to draw out all the food he’d brought. It took everything inside me not to blurt out that he was the best thing to ever happen to me and that it didn’t matter if I never went on another date again because this was the only one I’d ever wanted to go on, anyway.

“Why are you so good to me?” I murmured, feeling this heaviness in my chest, as if containing all my feelings was becoming too much, too impossible to handle.

But he merely tossed out a flippant, “Because you’re special to me,” as he concentrated on pulling out the chicken, then a bottle of wine, grapes, cheese, and my favorite Club cracker minis he knew I loved. It was obvious he’d thought about me as he’d prepared all this, picking out what he knew I’d appreciate the most.

I knew—had known for a while—I was special to him.

“Why am I so special to you, though?” I persisted. I really didn’t understand what he saw, why he tried so hard to make me happy, why keeping me safe and protected was such a priority to him. There really wasn’t anything grand about me at all. I was just...me. Plain, boring, sexless Sarah.

Brandt paused and glanced up, realizing how important the question was. Studying me from thoughtful blue eyes, he squinted a moment before saying, “I guess you probably wouldn’t understand it, but...when I needed someone the most in my life, you were there. You’ve always been there for me. You are the most reliable, trustworthy person I know.”

I wrinkled my nose, glad such traits had gained his loyalty, but still, they sounded as boring as hell. “I feel like a freaking trained dog.”

Throwing back his head, he barked out a laugh. “And you always make me smile,” he added before removing plates, silverware, and glasses from the basket.

Remembering the day we’d met and how he’d known no one else in school but had waited in the hall, just outside the office, for me to rescue him, I drew in a breath, suddenly glad I hadn’t been too afraid to approach him that day. My one little act of bravery had turned out to be the smartest thing I’d ever done.

Brandt continued to be the attentive date as he filled both our plates, asking me how big of a portion I wanted for everything. And though he’d brought silverware, neither of us used them, eating everything with our fingers. He’d even had the forethought to steal a package of diaper wipes to keep our hands clean.

We talked easily through the meal, commenting on flavors, the weather, school, what we were going to do after graduation. I decided I wouldn’t have been able to relax and just enjoy a date this much with anyone else, because Brandt was comfortable and safe.

Plus, I could totally pig out without caring what he thought of me. In fact, we had a laughing fight over who was going to steal the last piece of cheese before he acquiesced and let me have it.

As I popped the last grape into my mouth and chewed, I groaned and cradled my stomach before relaxing backward until I was lying on the blanket and staring up at the cloud-filled sky. “Oh my God, I think I’m going to burst at the seams. That was so good.”

Brandt chuckled and plopped down beside me, angling his legs so his body went off in a different direction from mine but keeping his face close enough that some of his hair brushed my cheek. “The way you were chowing down, I was beginning to worry how I was going to cart your fat ass back out of here.”

I gasped. “Whatever.” Then I shoved at his shoulder. “Jerk.”

“Ouch.” He laughed and rubbed a hand over the spot I’d abused. “Assault.”

Rolling my eyes, I muttered, “As if that hurt. I barely nudged you.”

“As if I actually insulted you?” he charged right back. “You’re all of what, a size two?”

“Six,” I hissed back.

“Ooh.” He made a sarcastic shivering motion. “That must classify you a step above anorexic, then?

I shoved him again, but this time, I chased it with a laugh. “You really are a jerk.” Though, honestly, I appreciated how he treated me. He’d never been too gentle with my emotions, as if I were a piece of delicate glass that might shatter at the slightest teasing. That was one of the things I loved most about him. He never made me feel handicapped.

After a couple seconds of silence, he said, “The sunset’s pretty.”

I turned my head to look at the pinks and yellows and oranges. “Yeah.”

A comfortable silence washed over us as we watched the colors slowly blur and change with the gradual setting of the sun.

On the banks of the lake, a couple of guys started to toss around a football. “Why didn’t you play football in college?” I asked, suddenly curious. I knew he’d enjoyed it in high school, and he’d been good enough to probably get a scholarship. But he’d never even tried out and had just kind of shrugged it off when I’d asked him before.

But I had a feeling he’d be more honest now. In this quiet moment between us, things just felt a lot more open.

“I don’t know,” he said, tugging a piece of grass from the ground and running it between two fingers. “Football was always Noel’s thing. He was so determined to make it pro, I think it killed something in him when he broke his collarbone. I just...it wouldn’t have felt right if I’d ended up going farther with it than he had.”

I blinked, startled to learn this. “So...you just gave it up because of his feelings?”

When I twisted my head to see his face, he was shrugging. “It was never as important to me as it was to him.”

“You have to know he would’ve been nothing but proud of you if you’d ended up going pro.”

His blue-eyed gaze bored into mine. “But I didn’t want to go pro. I didn’t want to leave Ellamore. Everyone I love is here. This is home.”

The way he watched me, it was as if he was trying to tell me I was one of the reasons he’d stayed, because he hadn’t wanted to leave me.

My heart swelled with emotion. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to trace a finger over his jaw. His lashes wavered and the blue in his gaze darkened. “Any other questions?” he wondered softly.

My breath caught. Well...since he was asking.

“Just how full service of a date is this?”

His gaze dropped to my mouth, and my core crackled with heat. “What’d you have in mind?”

I smiled and batted my lashes. “A kiss?”

His return grin was slow and sexily hooded. “Think you could actually handle another one of those from me?”

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.”

He chuckled. “Whatever you want, beautiful.”

Stretching toward me, his finger grazed my chin before his mouth settled softly against mine. A gentle brush of lips, and then he was rolling onto his stomach and pulling himself closer by his elbows so he could hover his face above mine. Then he was kissing me again, his lips parting my lips, his tongue sliding deep, and his warm palm cradling my cheek.

I gripped his wrist, kissing him back as flames of desire licked through my system.

This was really happening. My best friend was kissing me and seemed eager to kiss me longer. His hands turned greedy as they streaked into my hair, then gripped hard as his mouth grew demanding.

When one of the ball players on the shore yelled, “Get a room,” Brandt broke away, gasping. His eyes met mine before he lifted his face to scowl at our eavesdroppers and flip them all off.

Laughing, they went back to playing, and Brandt dropped his gaze back to mine. We said nothing, but the way he looked at me...it was as if he were seeing me for the first time.

There was just something about the moment, the softness in his gaze, his promise a few seconds earlier to give me whatever I wanted, the wetness between my legs...it all prompted me into saying, “Will you sleep with me?”

His eyebrows twitched briefly, flashing a quick expression of disappointment. But he said, “Of course.” Sitting up, he glanced at the picnic that still needed to be put away. “Are you ready to head back then? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were tired.”

My brow crinkled in confusion before it dawned on me; he thought I meant sleeping in the literal sense, that I just wanted him to stay the night and cuddle.

So I caught his wrist as soon as he put the wine bottle back into the basket.

“No...” I said, making him pause and look at me. “I meant...will you have sex with me?”

BRANDT

A rushing sound filled my ears as Sarah’s question exploded through my head. I shook it to clear the chaos, sure I’d misheard her. I had to have misheard her.

“I’m sorry, what?” I said slowly.

No way had she asked what I thought she’d just asked.

But her blue eyes pleaded. “Just one time,” she said in a small, almost uncertain voice. “That’s all I ask. And then I’ll never bother you with it again.”

My lips parted. “Just one...” I started to repeat before it struck me, damn it, she really had just asked me to fuck her.

Holy shit.

My system automatically went into hyper-alert, dick perking to attention, heart rate kicking into gear. My fingertips tingled, itching to touch, and my mouth watered, needing to taste. I swallowed down the urge to mount her right then and there.

“You...this isn’t...Jesus, Sarah. I’m just going to forget you said that, okay. It’s all right. No harm, no foul. We’ll just...we’ll pretend it didn’t happen.”

Grabbing our cleared but dirty plates, I shoved them haphazardly into the basket, not caring what kind of mess I had to be making inside Aspen’s favorite picnic carrier.

Sarah didn’t say anything the entire time I scurried to put everything away, and I mentally kicked myself in the nuts because I’d probably hurt her by my reaction. But fuck, it wasn’t as if I could really have sex with her, no matter how much I wanted to.

I didn’t dare look her way until I had everything cleaned up and ready to go, and when I did, her face was lowered with her hair covering her expression.

“Come on,” I murmured, touching her shoulder. “Let’s get you back to the truck.” But damn it, touching her felt electric. She was all soft, warm woman. I wanted to push her back down onto the blanket and just start stripping her.

She looked up, her eyes wide with pain. I cursed under my breath. Acid filled my stomach.

“Listen to me.” I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my forehead to hers. “You’re upset because of what that dick did to you. I get it. And that is perfectly understandable. But—”

“No.” She shoved away from me and glared.

My gaze searched hers, but she only ended up glancing away.

“Let’s just go,” she said, her voice tired and beaten.

I sighed but helped her climb onto my back. Her curves pressed into my spine, making it more difficult for me to walk because of the hard-on hogging my jean space.

We didn’t speak all the way back to my truck. I left her for a few minutes to retrieve the blanket and basket, but she was still silent when I climbed behind the wheel and started the engine.

We’d just left the campus and started down the road that headed to her house when she said, “Okay, fine. Yes, I hate what Seth did; it made me feel stupid and small and completely undesirable. But it didn’t stop me from wanting to experience life. If anything, my disaster with him has only shown me how much I need someone I trust unreservedly to walk me through it. Not just any guy will do. And you’re the only person I trust enough to ask.”

“Damn it,” I hissed, tightening my grip on the steering wheel.

“If the idea of penetration bothers you, then we can stick with strictly oral,” she added.

And fuck, just hearing her say penetration and oral had me so hard it wasn’t even funny.

“Sarah, don’t. Just...stop right there. You don’t know what you’re asking.”

She scowled. “I’m asking you to have sex with me. Once.”

I closed my eyes and groaned. “No. You’re asking me to destroy our friendship.”

With an irritated bark of laughter, she demanded, “How would it destroy our friendship? I’m not asking you to date me. I’m not even asking for you not to sleep with other people, because I just want one time, one experience to check off my bucket list. And then we can go on as if it never happened.”

As if it never happened, huh? Right. Just fuck the girl of my dreams, the person I loved above all others, and then carry on and forget about it.

What the fuck ever.

“Well, excuse me,” I gritted out, “if I don’t feel like playing your fucking stud horse for rent!” I turned down her street. “You can’t just borrow my dick for a few hours for no other reason than you want to know what it feels like inside you. I’m your best fucking friend on earth. I don’t think I deserve to be used like that.”

Sucking in a breath, Sarah hugged herself. “I..I...you know I didn’t mean it that way.” But I was too mad to answer, so she shuddered out the lungful she’d just inhaled and turned to look out her window.

I probably should’ve apologized, but...what the hell? I’d been crazy about this girl for half my life, and she only wanted to bang me one time for curiosity’s sake? Fuck that. Why didn’t she just rip out my heart and spit on it while she was at it?

Seething, I ground my teeth as we pulled to the curb in front of her place. Killing the engine, I sat there, without moving, without speaking, yet not ready to finish this until I knew she was okay. No matter how much she’d hurt me, I didn’t want her going away tonight feeling bad. The whole purpose of this outing had been to boost her confidence, not dent it up some more.

“A simple no would’ve sufficed,” she said in a low voice. “You didn’t have to make me feel so shitty for asking a single question.”

Damn it. I knew I’d hurt her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel—”

“Well, you did! You made me feel as if I don’t even have a right to experience a little physical pleasure.”

“That is so not true,” I growled. “You—”

“You kissed me because I wanted to know what that felt like,” she ranted on. “You took me on a date because I wanted to experience one.”

With a harsh laugh, I ran my hand through my hair. “A date and a kiss are a hell of a lot different than fucking. You can’t get pregnant from a kiss. There’s no risk of STDs from a date. You have to strip naked and get all up in each other’s business when you have sex. So trust me, kissing is totally not as intimate and binding as me putting my cock inside you and making you come would be.”

Shoving her door open, she muttered, “You certainly don’t have any problems shoving it inside every other woman on the planet.”

Her snidely delivered comment pissed me the fuck off. I’d wanted her since I was sixteen. I’d fallen hard and would’ve given my soul for something deep and meaningful, but she was the one who hadn’t even noticed me in that way. The only reason I’d ever gone to other women was because I couldn’t have her. Oh, but now, all these years later, she thought she could just crook her finger and I’d instantly fall on my back, cock in the air, panting for her to climb on just because she wanted to get rid of her stupid fucking v-card? She didn’t even want me specifically; she just wanted a trusty dick she could rely on.

Well, fuck...her.

I slammed my way out of the truck and jerked her wheelchair a little more roughly from the bed of my truck than I probably should have.

“Easy!” she barked, earning an icy glare from me as I snapped the chair open for her and then stepped back, letting her attend to the rest.

I couldn’t watch as she eased down. And I only ground my teeth and jutted out my jaw when she snapped, “Don’t follow me this time.”

Standing there, tense and boiling, I stayed by my truck until she was safely in the house with the front door shut. Then I slammed my fist into the side of my paint job and muttered, “Mother...fucker.”

Sliding to the ground, I gripped my head as I tried not to implode. The girl I wanted above all others finally wanted me back, and yet it was wrong. All wrong.

I could never fuck Sarah. I was too scared of losing her. In fact, if I didn’t need her in my life so damn much I might’ve just gotten in my truck right then and driven home or gone to Forbidden and gotten drunk. But I did need her, and though I didn’t particularly want to talk to her at the moment, I wasn’t going to lose our friendship over something I’d refused her in order to keep our friendship in the first place.

God, I had a headache.

“Son of a bitch,” I growled, slapping the tire of my truck before I pushed to my feet. Bypassing the walkway to the front of the door, I dodged around to the side of her house. Her light was on and shades were open. The crazy girl never closed them. I saw movement inside, shadows shifting along the wall, so I tapped on her window and jammed my hands into my pockets.

When her face appeared, I just stared at her, petulant.

Her shoulders heaved dramatically as she sighed. Then she barely cracked the window, enough to talk but not for me to climb inside.

Which killed me.

Killed me.

“I hope you know you ruined a completely amazing date.” My voice cracked. “I was having fun, damn it.”

Tears filled her eyes and her chin began to tremble. “I’m sorry, okay?” she lowered her face and hugged herself, making me want to apologize immediately. My chest compressed with pain. “I’m...I’m sorry. I never should’ve asked. It was stupid and thoughtless and selfish and...and...all you had to do was say no.”

“I did say no,” I muttered, my head warring with the need to make her feel better and yet still wanting to be pissed at her.

“Well...fine. Yes, you did. Why are you here, then?”

I sighed and scrubbed my face. “Because you’re crying.”

A muffled growling kind of laugh left her. “I didn’t start crying until you followed me and knocked on my window, damn it.”

“You were going to cry whether I followed you or not,” I said, arching a challenging eyebrow.

She lifted her chin defiantly, and the tears in her eyes glittered brightly. “You don’t know that for sure.”

“Yes, I do.” I moved closer to the window and clutched the frame, hating that I had to stand out here to say all this. “I hurt you, and you hurt me. The whole fucking reason I thought sex was a bad idea was because I was sure it’d hurt our friendship. So I’m not leaving here tonight until I know we’re still solid. Now let me in.”

“We’re solid,” she ground out in a tone that told me she was just trying to get me to go away.

I didn’t. Groaning, I let my head roll back so I could look up at the stars beginning to appear. The last time I’d looked up at the sky, the sun had been setting, Sarah had been at my side, and I’d felt more content than I’d felt...in maybe forever.

It was crazy how everything could change in only a few, awful minutes.

“Sarah,” I damn-near whimpered.

Grumbling out her defeat, she reached out and opened the window.

I climbed inside and shut the latch behind me, then turned to face her where she’d scooted back against the headboard and was hugging her knees to her chest.

A good five feet of space separated us, but it felt like miles. From the moment I’d held her after her mom had died, we’d had a very physical friendship, always hugging, touching, cuddling.

Not touching her just felt...wrong.

She clutched her knees and shook, looking small. Too small. “This is weird.”

I sniffed out my agreement and rubbed my face. Then I dropped my hands and drew in a breath. I couldn’t handle this fucking space between us.

“Look, I totally understand your need to prove to yourself that you’re not deficient in any way, which you’re not. You know that, right?”

When she gave a half-hearted shrug and wouldn’t meet my gaze, I growled. “Sarah. There is nothing wrong with you.”

“Then what other reason would you tell me no?” she asked in a harsh whisper. Her face lifted and blue eyes looked tormented. “Just say it already. You can’t get it up for me, can you?”

I blinked, totally not expecting that. “What?”

“It’s okay,” she murmured as if trying to soothe me. “I understand. If I just don’t attract you in that way, you can tell me. You can’t help what your body does and doesn’t want. But please don’t spare my feelings about it, because I need to know if that’s the case.”

A laugh burst from me. “You seriously think that’s my problem?” I gripped my side because, fuck, that had to be the funniest, yet saddest thing I’d ever heard.

My amusement set off a scowl in her. “Well, I don’t know, Brandt. Is it?”

Sobering, I shook my head. “Christ. You drive me insane. Does this look like a fucking limp dick to you?”

Glancing down at the bulge in my pants when I cupped it in my hand to show her how hard I was, her eyes flared wide. “Oh.” She sounded breathless and surprised. And then her gaze filled with hope as it darted up to my face. “You mean, I...I really can turn a man on?”

A man, not me specifically. None of her sex fantasies had anything to do with me. She just wanted a willing—and apparently hard—penis to work with.

Well, I wanted her to want me.

“Yeah, you can.” Sneering, I grabbed a pillow from beside her and yanked it close to cover my lap. “Congratulations.”

Her eyes softened to something almost sympathetic as she watched me begin to blush. Yes, I was goddamn blushing. Shut it.

But then perplexity marred her brow. “I’m really not the problem,” she murmured as if realizing something.

I closed my eyes, glad she’d at least stopped thinking she had something wrong with her. “No. You’re not the problem at all.” My body would love to dive into hers, right that second, actually.

Sarah sniffed. “Well...you can’t be the problem. You’re perfect. And you’ve done this before, so—”

“Yes, thank you,” I bit out, cutting her off sharply. “You’ve made it perfectly clear you think I’m a man-slut and fuck any woman who wants it from me. I got it.”

Rearing back because the scorn in my voice obviously startled her, she immediately began to shake her head. “No. That’s not what I meant at all, Brandt. You know I don’t think... “ But her words trailed off and her head tilted to the side as she studied me intently.

I frowned back, hunching my shoulders over my body protectively as I kept the pillow firmly in place over my stupid, swollen junk.

Suddenly her lips parted with a sharp intake of breath. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

Snorting my denial, I began to shake my head. But my mind zipped to the one thing I couldn’t tell anyone, and shit, I gulped. That should have nothing to do with this, but what if it did? It had affected my sex life, kept me from letting women touch me there, ever. It left me feeling dirty, way too dirty to ever put such filth inside Sarah. It still haunted my dreams sometimes at night.

Holy fuck, what if my mother had ruined any chance I ever could’ve had to be with the woman I loved?

Sarah shook her head as if in denial, but her eyes kept growing as she stared at my face. I knew I was giving everything away with my paling, guilty expression.

“But you tell me everything,” she murmured in a soft, confused, hurt voice.

I lowered my face, ashamed.

“Brandt,” she whispered, sounding so concerned I had to squeeze my eyes shut against it. I heard the bedsheet rustle as she scooted closer. Warm fingers touched my arm. “You know you can tell me anything.”

I shook my head, still unable to look up at her. “I can’t...tell you this.”

“Okay.” She said it firmly as if she understood, though I knew she understood nothing. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about anything. We don’t have to do anything. I’ll stop upsetting you.”

I glanced at her, still feeling shitty because I hadn’t given her the one thing I knew she wanted most. “I’m sorry. You know I’d do anything for you. I just...I can’t do this.”

With a nod, she repeated, “Okay. It’s okay.”

But it didn’t feel okay. There was still a foot of space between us. “Can we just cuddle?” I asked, only to wince. “Jesus, I sound like a fucking chick.”

Sarah laughed. “Hey! Since I’m part of this superior chick species you’re bashing, I’d say that’s not such a bad thing, but yeah...yeah, we can totally just cuddle.”

“Thank you.”

I must’ve looked as vulnerable as I felt because she took my hand and led me up her bed toward the pillows. We each kicked off our shoes and then crawled under the sheets together, both of us still fully dressed.

Hugging her close, I buried my face in her hair. She petted my head, quiet for a minute before murmuring, “If you’re like disfigured—you know, down there—it wouldn’t bother me. I mean, heck, I probably wouldn’t even know the difference since I’ve never seen one before.”

I laughed, pretty sure that was her intent the entire time, to lighten the mood. “Shut up, smart-ass. I’m not disfigured.”

“Oh.” I swear, she actually sounded disappointed about that. “Well...whatever. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Go to sleep,” I rumbled into her hair.

“Demandy pants,” she huffed back even as her body settled more snuggly against mine.

When she went still a minute later, I knew she was out.

I relaxed some myself and then tugged her even closer. But sleep didn’t come nearly as quickly for me. First of all, I was still tempted to give her exactly what she wanted, and my cock wouldn’t stop throbbing. But most importantly, I was worried. She knew I had some kind of secret now. What if she somehow got it out of me? What if she learned what I’d done?

I wasn’t sure I could survive if that happened.

SARAH

I felt crappy when I woke up Tuesday morning.

Brandt was gone. I pressed my hand to his empty pillow, hoping the night before hadn’t happened. Not the date part. The date had been amazing. And not even the part where he’d curled around me and clutched me for dear life as we’d fallen asleep together. That had been soul-binding.

But the part where I’d ruined everything by asking him to take my virginity. That...yeah, that part had sucked balls. Big, mutated, elephant-sized donkey balls.

I still couldn’t believe I’d done it. Right up until the second the question had popped out of my mouth, I hadn’t planned on asking it. And then he’d even gone and given me an out as soon as I’d said it, telling me we could just forget about it. But no...I’d just had to push.

Why? Why had I pushed?

It could’ve been because Seth had rattled me, maybe, left me questioning everything, and I’d just grown so determined to show him and myself—heck, the entire world—that I could be a normal, average woman. But Brandt had been right again when he’d told me I was trying to use him to make myself feel better.

God, I hated it when he was right. I’d never meant to belittle and objectify him.

Even so, not knowing whatever secret he was keeping bothered me. A lot. We didn’t keep secrets from each other, though now that I thought of it, he’d never shared anything of his sex life with me, purposefully keeping me separated from that part of him. I just...I couldn’t figure out why.

I was humiliated and embarrassed, sad, hurt, and yet extremely glad he’d come back and made us talk it through. If we’d left it as a fight in front of my house, I would’ve been too ashamed to ever face him again.

And now I felt even worse for hurting his feelings, and then for picking at something that was obviously a tender subject for him.

I’d make it up to him.

I’d apologize again. Bake him some cookies. Something.

When my alarm clock went off, I slapped at my snooze button for like the third time this morning and sighed up at my ceiling, wishing I could just stay curled in bed for the rest of the year...or at least until I shed this crappy guilt.

Seconds later, my bedroom door burst open and Gracen, followed by Issa, raced inside to climb onto my bed and then climb onto me, babbling something about cereal, I think.

“Issa! Gray!” Reese was only a few seconds behind them as she burst into the room. “Let your aunt sleep.” She looked bedraggled and half dressed for work. “I’m so sorry, Sarah. I’ll get them out of here.”

“No, it’s fine,” I told her. “Go ahead and do whatever you need to do. They can hang out with me for a few minutes while you get ready. I don’t have class until nine.”

“Oh my God. Thank you! I’m running late and really appreciate it.” She slapped a quick kiss to my forehead, told her two children to behave, and then escaped from the room.

The twins stayed on the bed with me, and we played tickle games until Reese had everything in order. She was scarfing down a granola bar when she popped back in to collect them. “Thanks again, Sarah. You’re a lifesaver.” After scooping up Gray, she tugged Issa to the floor by her hand. Then she paused to ask, “Do you need help with anything?”

She asked me that every day. Most of the time, I did need something, help with my hair, underwear, makeup. But she was already late and besides, it struck me how much time she’d put into me over the years. Not wanting to be an obligation this morning and knowing I could get the bare essentials by myself with a little more time and effort, I shook my head. “No thanks. I got it.”

That made her pause uncertainly. “You sure?”

I nodded. Today, I just couldn’t be a bother to anyone. I couldn’t...I don’t know. After last night, I was still feeling selfish and needy. So it was extra important to me to prove to myself that I could get by just fine without relying on everyone else for my comfort and happiness.

And I ended up nearly being late for my first class of the day because of it. Usually, I showed up early. But this morning, I rolled into the lecture hall just as the professor was beginning class. Most of the seats were taken, so I paused my chair at the front of the room next to the last row and used my lap as a desk as I dragged my laptop from my book bag to take notes.

The hour dragged on, and I spaced out for most of it.

Fortunately, I had a free space after that and thought a drink, something full of sugar and caffeine, might provide the kick-start I needed. Reese had gotten me hooked on her white chocolate mocha addiction, so I headed toward the nearest Starbucks on campus when I heard someone call my name.

Since I had such a common first name, I ignored it until a second later, the same voice hollered, “Yo, Arnosta. Wait up!”

That caused me to pause on the sidewalk and glance around the busy quad until I noticed the tall, lean guy waving me down as he jogged over.

I blinked, sure I had to be seeing things. But that familiar grin that looked too much like his brother’s was impossible not to recognize. “What the heck are you doing here?”

Colton laughed as he reached me. “College day. I got out of a full day of school to visit campus, meet my advisor, take a tour, shit like that.”

“Oh. My. God,” I uttered, shaking my head. “I still can’t believe you’re old enough to graduate high school. I swear it was just yesterday you were only eight and asking me why I shook so much.”

He closed his eyes and winced. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

Grinning, I shook my head. “Not when it’s so fun to tease you.”

He huffed out a sound before his face split back into an ornery grin. “Hey, I was going to contact you last week, see if you could hack into my school records and lower a grade for me, but big brother growled around about it and seemed to think you wouldn’t go for that.”

The mention of big brother made my smile falter, but then I wrinkled my nose. Had he just said lower his grade? “I wouldn’t have,” I told him, tilting my head to the side and wincing against the blaring sunlight as I tried to look up at him. “Besides, if you wanted a worse grade, why didn’t you just purposely get some answers wrong on your tests?”

He shrugged and sent me a moody glance. “I dunno. It’s a pride thing, I guess. But now I’m fucking stuck with these awesome scores, and I’m going to end up salutatorian. You know, they make you give a shitty speech at graduation if you’re salutatorian.”

I laughed. “I wouldn’t have thought talking in front of a bunch of people would be a problem for you.”

He rolled his eyes. “As if anyone would want to listen to me...not when the sacred almighty valedictorian would talk right after that.”

The way he sneered the word valedictorian made everything suddenly clear. “Oh, so you just don’t like being in second place.”

He really had tried to do the best he could on his tests. He just hadn’t done better than one other person, and that bothered him.

“Who likes being in second place?” he grumbled. “It’s the first loser’s spot. Everyone is going to watch me get up in front of them and accept being the first loser.”

I frowned at that thinking. “Well, I don’t think it’ll be quite that—”

“And the valedictorian is a fucking douche, too,” he ranted on. “I can’t believe I’m losing out to a total douche. I might as well not have fucking tried at all.”

“You know, you’re right.” I nodded sagely. “I’ve never won first, second or even third place at anything in my entire life. Why, I might as well just kill myself now.”

Colton blinked, startled by my vehemence. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “So you’re telling me to stop being a whiny little bitch and suck it up, huh?”

I grinned. Colton was such a fun kid. “Pretty much. Now sit down already.” I motioned to a nearby bench. “Before staring up at you and into the direct sunlight blinds me.”

“Oh! Shit, sorry.” He immediately plopped onto the bench beside me.

I laughed, though the entire thing made me think of Brandt. I never had to ask him to lower himself to my eye level. He just automatically did it. Ever since our first meeting, he’d been so considerate, thinking of things from my perspective and altering himself to fit it. He always put me first.

God, I didn’t deserve him for a friend. Why had I asked him to pimp himself out to me?

“So what’s going on between you and Brandt?” Colton asked, making me whip my gaze to him.

“What do you mean?”

He grinned. “He was acting like a jackass at breakfast. So I told him he needed to go visit you, because, well, you always put him in a better mood. But I swear he would’ve torn my head off if Noel hadn’t jumped in and saved my adorable butt.”

I sighed. Yep, I’d really screwed the pooch with my stupid question last night, hadn’t I? Poor Brandt.

“We’re fighting,” I lamented.

“I figured as much.” Colton sounded amused as he pulled a pack of gum from his pocket and unrolled a piece before popping it into his mouth. “But what are you fighting about?”

My face went so hot I could only imagine what shade of red it turned. Glancing away, I mumbled, “Nothing.”

No way in hell did I want to admit how humiliating being turned down by Brandt had been...or go on about how much it’d hurt to learn he had some kind of secret he wasn’t telling me. I already felt crappy enough for pushing at something I shouldn’t have pushed.

“Interesting,” Colton murmured as his lips spread so wide into a devilish grin I wondered if they’d break out the sides of his cheeks. “So you guys finally did it, huh?”

“What?” I sputtered. “No!”

My cheeks had to be so red they were bordering on purple now.

“Ahh.” I really didn’t like that knowing gleam in his eyes as he watched me. “So you turned him down? Bummer for big bro.”

“No. I did not turn him down.” Feeling petulant and moody, I scowled and mumbled, “He turned me down.”

Oh my God, I couldn’t believe I’d just said that. Brandt’s brother was like family and I was more comfortable with him than ninety-nine percent of the population, but still. Embarrassing!

Colton seemed similarly shocked by my confession. He choked on his piece of gum. “Uh...excuse me?” He pounded on his chest before coughing the gum back up. “Did you just say—”

“Yes!” I snapped, totally losing all patience and modesty. But since I couldn’t talk to Brandt about this, and I was too embarrassed to tell Reese how I’d thrown myself at him, then...Colton would do. “Yes, okay. I asked him.”

Jaw falling open, Colton gaped at me a moment before saying, “You...you seriously asked Brandt...” He couldn’t even finish the question, he was so stunned.

“I know!” I wailed, covering my eyes with both hands. “I can’t believe I did it either. What the heck was I thinking? You don’t just ask your best friend to sleep with you. Who does that?”

“Well, honestly...” Colton rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. “It wasn’t that awful of a question. But what I can’t believe is that he turned you down. I always thought he’d be a lot easier lay.”

I laughed, glad for the comic relief. But then my shoulders sagged. “If I’d asked you to take my v-card, would you have turned me down?”

“Hell, yes,” he answered immediately.

I blinked, shocked at how rapidly he answered. Then, curling my shoulders inward, like a dog shying away from its brutal master, I whispered, “Really?”

“Well, yeah,” he drew out the word as if his answer was obvious. “You’re Brandt’s. He’d kick my ass if I even considered it. If you haven’t noticed, the guy’s scarily protective of you”

I scowled and gritted my teeth. “Yeah, I know he’s protective. But he doesn’t consider—”

“No.” Colton shook his head as if I actually had no clue. “He’s like...you don’t get it, do you? You are his.”

My heart thumped hard at his insistence. “Excuse me?”

“He guards you like...shit, I don’t even know, maybe a snarling pack wolf standing watch over his injured mate. It’s as if you’re a part of him, the most vulnerable part. So...yeah. I’m confused as hell that he actually turned you down.” He squinted. “Are you sure he turned you down?”

“I am absolutely positive. We argued about it for a good hour. He swears it would ruin our friendship.”

“He...wait. You argued about it?” He seemed amused by that, which made me narrow my eyes.

“Yes! We argued about it. A lot.”

“Sarah. Oh, Sarah.” He closed his eyes and slapped his hand over his face. “Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. You don’t try to use reason with a man when you want to play slap and tickle with him.”

“You don’t?” When he grinned and shook his head, I scowled. “Why not?”

Colton sighed. “Because dicks don’t respond to reason; they respond to stimulation.”

“So...?” What the heck was he saying?

“Seduce that motherfucker, and he’ll fold like a house of cards.”

“I...” My pulse accelerated. “Do you really think so?” But then I shook my head, remembering Brandt’s pale face and haunted eyes when he’d told me we could never sleep together. “No. No, he turned me down, end of story. I’m not bothering him with it again.”

“What? No!” Colton lurched toward me, grabbing my arm. “You can’t give up now. Get back on that horse and catch your man.”

“Colton.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “You don’t understand. I hurt his feelings. I picked at something and went somewhere I never should’ve gone. Not to mention how humiliating it was to get rejected. I’m not going through that again. I’m not doing that to him again.”

Fingers gripped me harder. “No, you don’t understand. He needs this. He loves you, I know he loves you. You are the end-all, be-all for him, Sarah.” My breath caught at his certainty. It reminded me of how Reese had been so sure of Brandt’s feelings too.

Did our families really see something in him I couldn’t?

“And whatever scab you’re picking at,” Colton went on, making me wrinkle my brow and focus on his face. “...Needs to come off completely. Please don’t give up on him. Just...trust me.”

My lips parted when it struck me he knew what Brandt was keeping from me. Hurt that Brandt had told him and not me, I began to shake my head. But the seeking expression on Colton’s face made me pause.

Trust me, he’d said. Brandt needed this.

But needed what? Sex with me? That sounded laughable.

Then Brandt’s words from the night before wavered through me. I’d do anything for you. I just can’t do this.

What the hell did I not know?

He had looked so vulnerable and lost. I couldn’t...no, I wasn’t going to listen to Colton and put Brandt through that again.

Except his brother said, “Please. If you have ever loved him, you’ll try. Just one more time.”

I closed my eyes. If Colton knew what Brandt’s secret was and was this determined that I help him break through whatever was keeping us apart, then...

“Okay,” I whispered, unable to believe I’d just agreed to this. “Maybe one more time.”

“Great.” Colton released my arm with a grin. “You won’t regret it, and I promise you, Brandt will appreciate it too. In fact...damn, I have an idea. Wait just one second.”

He stood, dug into his pocket, and pulled out a cell phone. After dialing, he pressed it to his ear and walked a few steps away so he could talk more confidentially to whoever was on the other end of the line. Then he hung up and strolled back to me, grinning.

“It’s all set up,” he announced. “This Saturday, you are to meet your contact at two p.m. sharp by the entrance of Victoria’s Secret at the mall, got it?”

“My...contact?”

He grinned and ruffled my hair. “Trust me.” With a glance at the time on his phone, he winced. “Damn. I have to meet with my advisor now.” Glancing up, he sent me a thumbs-up. “Good luck. See you on Saturday.”

“I...wait! What exactly is happening on Saturday?”

Instead of answering, he waved over his shoulder and kept hurrying away.

I frowned after him, suddenly very worried about what I’d just agreed to.

SARAH

When Saturday came around, I didn’t tell Reese or Mason where I was going, because I was sure Mason wouldn’t approve of anything to do with me possibly losing my v-card, and well...mostly because I wasn’t all that sure where I was going...or what I was doing. I still had no idea who I was meeting or where they’d end up taking me from there. I hoped my “contact” knew who I was because...yeah, I was clueless who they were, and honestly, I was completely uncertain about any of this.

Brandt had told me no, and he’d really meant it. I should respect that.

But Colton had texted me a message this morning, reminding me and assuring me everything would work out. I had no idea why I was trusting a seventeen-year-old who couldn’t even bother to stay home when he’d been grounded. But he seemed so sure of his idea, and I wasn’t sure of anything, so...I went with it.

Hopefully Colton’s instincts were better than mine and this wasn’t the stupidest thing I ever did.

I told my family I was going to the school library and took off in my SUV in the opposite direction as the campus. As soon as I reached the mall, my stomach began to clench. I hated parking there; their handicapped parking section left no room for me to lower my wheelchair without totally getting in the way of other traffic trying to park. I loathed inconveniencing others and forcing them to wait for me; they always seemed so impatient and irritated about me even existing, but I gritted through it and even made it inside without getting run over or cussed out. Plus!

Victoria’s Secret was located near the middle of the mall, close to the food court. My stomach growled as the scent of the various restaurant kiosks wafted out to greet me.

Mmm, I might have to pause for a soft pretzel with salt and cheese before the day was over.

Actually, I was debating whether I should head that way first, when someone called, “Sarah! Hey, there you are.”

When I spotted Brandt’s sister Caroline hurrying my way along with her friend Zoey—whose husband also used to work at Forbidden with Mason—I blinked in surprise.

“H-hi?” I said uncertainly.

Was Caroline my contact? I totally hadn’t been expecting that.

“Hey, woman!” She swooped in for a big hug. “How’ve you been? I was so excited when Colton told me you were finally ready to lay claim to Brandt, though honestly, it took you long enough. I’ve lost two bets to my husband so far, sure you’d have brought my brother to his knees years ago.”

“I...uh...” Yeah, I had no clue what to say to that.

But seriously, did everyone think we’d end up together? Why couldn’t I see what they saw?

“So, are we ready to get this show on the road?” Caroline popped behind me, grabbing the handles of my wheelchair so she could push me along.

I looked up to Zoey for help. “Show? What show? What exactly are we doing?”

Zoey opened her mouth to answer, but Caroline steamrolled right over her. “We’re buying you all kinds of sexy underthings to help you seduce Brandt into finally giving it up to you. Colton’s idea, but I approve.”

My jaw fell loose, which caused Zoey to laugh. “Are you sure you want to get mixed up with the Gamble clan?”

Actually, no. I wasn’t very sure about this at all. I was a little shocked both Caroline and Colton were so willing and enthusiastic to plan something like this against their brother.

But Caroline answered for me, bending down so she could bump our cheeks together. “Of course she does. We’re like sisters already. Might as well make it official.”

“Wait, what?”

They made it sound like they were trying to help me wring a proposal out of Brandt or something. Though the idea made my heart leap, it was way more devious than I was planning to be.

Honestly, I’d just wanted to stop feeling pathetic. I’d wanted to take control of my life.

But this seemed to be going way off grid from the path I’d planned.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I hedged.

“It’s perfect,” Caroline assured as she pushed me into the lingerie shop. “Trust me.”

~*~

An hour later, I had a shopping bag full of three pairs of matching bra and panty sets, a new scented body spray, and...condoms. Ribbed for her pleasure.

Why I hadn’t been able to say no every time Caroline shoved something in my arms, I’ll never know. But I flushed thinking about the contents. I looked around because it felt as if everyone was looking at me and knew what kind of naughty things I’d purchased, but all the different occupants at the food court seemed to be minding their own business, completely oblivious to my bag full of tricks I held clutched for dear life in my lap.

“You know,” Caroline mused from across the table where we all sat. “I’m glad the hubby suggested we move back to Illinois from Lake Tahoe after I got pregnant with Teagan. It was nice there, but this is home. I missed you guys so much. Mmm.” She moaned and closed her eyes as she chewed. “Great idea by the way about stopping at the food court, Sarah. These pretzels are delish. And I don’t have to share any of it with an eighteen-month-old or begging husband.” She groaned again blissfully as she took another bite.

“They are pretty good,” Zoey agreed, sounding almost guilty as she glanced at her phone’s screen for like the tenth time since we’d stopped at the food court to eat. Then she dunked her pretzel bite in cream cheese before coating it with cinnamon.

“Oh my God.” Caroline stole her phone from her. “They’re fine. Stop checking in.”

“Who’s fine,” I asked, brushing some salt and a bit of drool off the corner of my lip.

“Colton and Ten are babysitting both her kids and mine while we’re shopping,” Zoey answered, biting her lip. “I know Ten’s a great dad, but to be suddenly stuck with three—”

“That’s why I sent Colton over to help,” Caroline interjected. “They’ll be fine.”

“Where’s Quinn?” I asked.

“At work. He was so excited this morning; he gets to assist with three major operations today.” Zoey’s husband had gotten a residency at Ellamore’s Regional Medical Center. I secretly called him Dr. Hot Pants because he looked so good in scrubs.

I was about to ask when he’d stop needing a supervisor and drop the residency so he could go into practice on his own, but my phone rang.

After fishing it free from my purse, I brightened. “It’s Reese.”

Caroline grasped my wrist before I could answer. “Don’t tell her what we did,” she whispered, glancing at my naughty bag.

I shook my head, confused. “Why not? I’m pretty sure Reese would support your plan.”

“Oh, there’s no doubt about that. But she can’t keep a secret like this from that husband of hers to save her life, and I have a feeling Mason wouldn’t be too supportive of Operation Bang-Brandt.”

Good point. I wouldn’t want to put Reese in that position.

I nodded sagely before answering, “Hey, what’s up?”

“Eva just went into labor.” Reese sounded harried and out of breath.

“Oh my goodness!” I clapped out my joy and swung a grin toward Caroline and Zoey. “I didn’t think the baby was due for another—”

“Two weeks, I know. But when has E. ever waited the full term to pop out a kid?”

True.

“So that means Mason and I are leaving, like right now, and taking the kids over there to babysit Pick and Eva’s crew. We’ll be gone a few days. Will you be okay? Or do you need—”

“I’ll be fine,” I rushed to reassure her, knowing she was in a hurry. “Don’t worry about me. If I need anything, I’ll just”—my gaze caught Caroline’s— “I’ll ask the Gambles.”

“Great. We love you. Take care. See you in a few.” Reese hung up before I could say anything else, so I just laughed at her enthusiasm and hung up the phone.

“Pick and Eva are having their baby?” Zoey guessed.

When I nodded, both she and Caroline squealed in delight and jerked up their own phones, mostly likely to text their hubbies. My first impulse had been to immediately tell Brandt the news. But watching Zoey and Caroline contact their guys made me pause and feel as if I was trying to slot him into the husband position, especially after everything I’d bought today. And that was totally not what I wanted to force him into.

I was still happy and content being just his best friend. I wasn’t trying to push for more. The sex part was just because I only trusted him to help me ease into the next stage of my life, except I’d kind of forgotten why I was so determined to lose my virginity in the first place. Being a virgin certainly wasn’t painful or in any way uncomfortable. I was perfectly happy to stay this way for the rest of my life if need be. If only assholes like Seth—

Oh, right. Seth.

I’d started this whole stupid crusade because I wanted to show that jerkface I could attract a man without him being paid to do me.

But the more I wanted to shove Brandt into the role of the doer, the crappier I began to feel about the whole idea, especially after the way he’d reacted the first time I’d asked him.

“Oh my God, my husband is a genius,” Caroline squealed, looking up to shake my arm. “With Eva going into labor and Reese and all them leaving to babysit the other three Ryan kids, you know what this means, don’t you?”

I wrinkled my brow, having no clue what that meant. “That Eva and Pick will now have four kids?” I guessed lamely.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “No. It means you’ll be home alone for the next few days.”

“Oh,” Zoey gasped, catching on. “That’s perfect. I thought we’d have to wait weeks to organize seduction night, but...wait, does Brandt have to work tonight?”

“Nope.” Caroline read the screen of her phone with a grin. “Colton says he’s off both tonight and tomorrow.” She looked up and wiggled her eyebrows at me. “So that gives us two nights to work with.”

Uncertainty churned through me. “You know, I’ve been thinking. Maybe trying to force Brandt into—”

“It’s a great plan,” Caroline cut in. “Just trust us.”

Trust them.

Sure, my mind screamed very uncertainly.

I have no idea why trusting Brandt’s siblings felt like the worst idea ever. Shouldn’t they know what he needed more than I did?

No, I was his best friend. Not them. I knew him better. And he would not appreciate this...at all.

I think that was when I decided I wasn’t going to go through with Operation Bang-Brandt, even though I’d just let Caroline believe otherwise.

~*~

When Caroline encouraged me to follow them to Zoey’s house from the mall, I agreed. I didn’t think there’d be any harm in it, since the alternative was me going home alone.

Ten was waiting by the door when we arrived. For some reason, Caroline had grabbed my bag-o-sin from my SUV when I’d parked. I had no idea why—I certainly wasn’t changing into anything here...maybe even anywhere. I was probably going to “lose” the entire bag as soon as I got home.

“Hey, Hot Wheels,” Ten greeted me first thing. “Did you pick out something really naughty?”

“Oh my God,” I gasped, my face going beet red. I guess I should’ve known everyone would be in on Operation Bang-Brandt.

Yeah, now I really couldn’t go through with it.

“Leave her be,” Caroline groused, jerking the bag out of his reach when he tried to peek inside.

“Where are the kids?” Zoey asked, glancing around.

“In JB’s room, watching a movie,” Colton answered as he emerged from the hall.

When Zoey started back that way to check in on them, Caroline called after her. “Hey, grab your makeup kit while you’re back there.”

“So...” Colton grinned as he wandered to me. “Was my plan genius, or was my plan genius?”

Beyond embarrassed that everyone was acting so blasé about me trying to seduce their brother, I muttered, “This whole thing is growing more ridiculous by the second.”

“Nonsense.” He surprised the crap out of me by pecking a quick kiss to the top of my head before whisking his way toward the exit. “Just trust us.”

I ground my teeth, tempted to call after him that I was getting sick of everyone telling me that, but Caroline was still right there, and she’d been so nice to me today, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by claiming I couldn’t trust her.

“Where is he going?” I asked instead as I watched Brandt’s whistling brother stroll from the house.

“He’s putting stage two into effect,” Caroline answered before grasping my chin and forcing me to lift my face. “Close your eyes.”

I blinked at her, only to realize Zoey had returned with her makeup kit, and Caroline wanted to doll me up.

“Why?” I asked uncertainly, moving my face backward. “What’s stage two? And what was stage one?”

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” Caroline answered right before Zoey said, “Ooh, that’s the perfect color for her.”

“I know, right? I had a feeling jewel tones on her would kick ass.” Caroline turned back to me. “I just want to play around a little,” she reassured me.

“Oh.” I obligingly closed my eyes but still jumped when she began to apply foundation.

“Why did you get her three different pairs of lingerie?” Ten asked, making me crack open the eye Caroline wasn’t working on to realize he’d gotten hold of my bag...and was browsing through everything inside.

He lifted three hangers full of unmentionables. “You do realize it’s only going to take one of these bad boys to bring Brandt to his knees, right?”

“Oh my God,” I moaned, sinking lower into my wheelchair.

Caroline growled. “Stop poking through Sarah’s underwear.” She snagged the three hangers full of matching bra and panty sets from his hands where he was holding them up to examine them. “Give the girl some privacy.”

“Sorry,” Ten told me, even though he didn’t appear to be very apologetic, especially when he leaned closer and whispered, “I’d go with that red and black set if I were you.” Then he flashed me the okay sign and grinned. “Total winner.”

I laughed, even though my face was scorching hot.

Behind me, the door came open, and thankfully Caroline rushed to shove my underwear back into the sack and out of sight. But when she saw who’d entered, she relaxed. “Oh. It’s just you.”

“Quinn!” Zoey gasped and hurried for the entrance.

I turned in time to watch her step up onto her toes to hug her husband hard. “You’re home early today.”

“The last surgery I was going to assist with was canceled.” He glanced at the rest of us over his wife’s shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“We’re practicing fancying Sarah up so she can seduce Brandt,” Caroline answered bluntly before taking her attention from my face to glance his way. Then she let out a loud whistle. “Damn, Dr. Hamilton. You look good in scrubs.”

Ten choked on his surprise. “Excuse me?”

“What?” Caroline shrugged. “I’m just saying...damn. He looks good in scrubs.”

A confused Quinn looked at his wife, raising his eyebrows. She blushed. “Did you check in on Eva and Pick before coming home?”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Her contractions are still three minutes apart, and she’s only four centimeters dilated. It’ll be a couple more hours yet.” After taking me in, then Caroline and Ten, he turned back to Zoey. “Does Mason know about this seduction thing?”

“Oh, sure,” Ten answered. “We consulted him before the girls took her panty shopping. No, he doesn’t know about it. Are you insane? We actually value our lives.”

“Um...okay, then.” Quinn scanned the room. “Where are the kids?”

Before anyone could answer, a cacophony of sound entered the hall. Then two boys followed by a giggling towheaded girl raced into the room as Teagan tried to catch up with Luke and JB.

“Aww,” Caroline called, watching her eighteen-month-old daughter. “She’s chasing the boys already.”

“What?!” Looking suddenly panicked, Ten snatched Teagan off the floor and into his arms as she passed. “Not until she’s thirty-fucking-five.”

“Dada,” Teagan cheered, patting his face with her chubby little fingers.

Ten kissed her on the nose. “Yes, baby, I love you too. And I’m the only man you’ll ever love.”

“Okay, now that’s sexier than any pair of scrubs,” Caroline decided, abandoning me so she could wrap her arms around her husband and daughter together and give them both kisses.

Across the room, I swear Zoey murmured, “Not hardly,” as she cuddled against Quinn’s arm before he bent down to greet his two sons, who seemed happy he was home.

I sat there, watching the two families and feeling really kind of pathetic and embarrassed for even remotely thinking I should try anything with Brandt.

He’d been right. It would’ve totally ruined our friendship, but not just that. Our families were so entwined together as friends; it might’ve even caused a rift in our entire group.

Not wanting to do that, I started for the door, ready to go and needing to hide out in my room until my shame dissipated.

But Caroline called after me. “Sarah? Wait! What’re you...where are you going?”

I paused, feeling crappy for just taking off. But no one here needed me. And I really felt the urge to slink off in shame. “I’m going to head home,” I said, barely looking her way.

“Um...okay. Here. Don’t forget this.” She made certain to hand me my bag, adding a conspiratorial wink as she did. Then she whispered, “Good luck.”

I didn’t answer. I just left, waving to the others before blowing out the door and hurrying as fast as I could to my car.

I was tempted to throw the entire sack in the trash as soon as I rolled into my room. But after I tossed it on the bed, I paused and eyed it curiously. I hadn’t bothered to try anything on at the boutique. After the sales clerk measured me, and it matched my usual sizes, we all figured that would be close enough.

They had made sure to find me a front-clasp bra, something I could manage on my own. And the red silk and black lace set really had been—okay, so I was tempted to try them on once. I had to at least know how I looked in that pair...or maybe in all the pairs.

Feeling giddily naughty, I closed the blinds and then stripped out of my clothes. I tried on the pale blue one first, then the pink set. Finally, I tried on the red, fringed-in-black ensemble. After inspecting myself in my full-length mirror, I decided the wheelchair kind of threw off some of the sexiness, so I climbed out and sat on the bed, posing and then laughing because I looked ridiculous.

Well...kind of ridiculous, anyway. Caroline had prettied up my face and my hair looked good. And okay, the bra made my breasts really push up and seem almost full and rounded. And with the cut of the panties, the way they emphasized the curve of my hip and dip in my waist, I might actually consider myself half-decent-looking.

Actually...I was amazed how nice I did look. Hesitantly, I reached out to slide my finger down my ribcage and over the dips and curves until I reached my hip. Someone somewhere could possibly even think I looked beautiful.

For the first time in my life, I felt pretty, like really pretty. And it wasn’t just my physical appearance, it was a feeling, like...I’m not even sure…something deep inside me, a self-awareness that started out as a sensation in my toes, then traveled up my legs and settled warmly in my belly before moving up to brighten my heart.

Maybe I wasn’t completely hopeless. Maybe somewhere, someday, someone might even love me.

A rapping on my window made me scream in surprise. Crap! I hadn’t been expecting that. Heart leaping into my throat, I scurried to grab my clothes, but the knocking kept coming and seemed to gain intensity with every bang.

With no time for clothes, I grabbed my terrycloth robe lying at the foot of my bed, wrapped it securely around me and lifted the window blinds.

I wasn’t sure why I was surprised to see Brandt; he was the only person to ever visit me via window. But I was surprised, anyway, and not necessarily in a good way.

What the heck was he doing here?

I had a bad feeling this visit was going to end not-so-well.

BRANDT

This Seth douche was pissing me off. I’d been by his apartment half a dozen times now, and he’d yet to answer the door. I even sat outside his building in my truck once, hoping to catch him coming or going, but no luck. Mason had never gotten his last name and I didn’t bother to grill Sarah for it. She would’ve just refused to tell me.

But she had let it slip she’d met him at the writing center. So I’d stopped by there once when I knew she wasn’t working and asked around a little. But even if the girl who’d been working then would’ve helped me—which I had a feeling she might have by the way she kept smiling at me and twisting her hair around her finger—she had no idea how to look up all the Seths who’d ever been tutored.

I went as far as to look up every Seth on campus in the school directory. There’d been twenty-one, and none of their addresses matched the one on Locust Street that I kept visiting. I had a bad feeling the fucktard might just get away with hurting Sarah without a single broken bone to his name, which bothered me on a whole new level of pissed off that drove me insane.

“So I guess Eva went into labor today,” Colton announced from next to me at the supper table, ripping my thoughts from murder and mayhem.

“What?” Aspen screeched across the table from us. “Why didn’t you say something earlier? I didn’t know about this. How did you find out?”

I frowned. Yeah, I hadn’t heard about it either. I was sure Sarah would’ve texted me first thing when she found out, and she would’ve had to be one of the first ones to know because Mason and Reese were set to take care of Pick and Eva’s older kids while they were at the hospital.

Curious about that, I tugged my phone from my pocket and checked the screen for messages.

She hadn’t tried to contact me all day.

Huh.

I went into my message history to realize we hadn’t texted in days. The last time I’d talked to her had been the night of our date.

Swallowing, I wondered if she was still upset because I’d turned her down. I’d thought we’d ended our argument on good terms, but if she hadn’t bothered to tell me about Eva then...something must be wrong.

“Yeah, I was over at, uh, Caroline’s today when she got the call,” Colton was telling Aspen as I contemplated shooting off a text to Sarah, but I wasn’t sure what to say.

I kind of wanted to demand an explanation why she hadn’t told me my boss was about to have baby number four, but I didn’t want her to know I was hurt she hadn’t already told me.

“Caroline already knew?” Aspen asked, sounding a little hurt herself. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

Yeah, why was everyone being so goddamn secretive today?

“Um...not sure,” Colton hedged, sounding suspiciously...suspicious. I glanced at him, frowning, but he looked too busy finishing the last of his steamed carrots to notice much of anything going on around him...which was bullshit in itself. He hated steamed carrots.

“I got the dishes,” he announced suddenly, something he never volunteered to do.

“Uh...okay.” Aspen blinked before sharing a look with Noel, who simply shrugged and then made a face saying he wasn’t going to question their good fortune.

Bringing my hand to my mouth as I watched the scene unfold around me, I narrowed my eyes at my little brother, knowing something was up.

“Yeah, I’ll help him,” I announced, watching Colton’s shoulders tighten as he opened the door to the dishwasher.

“Well...” Grinning, Noel wiped his face with a napkin and tossed it on his plate before reaching for Beau, who sat in a high chair between him and Aspen. “Why don’t the three of us getting out of KP duty head to the living room and enjoy our freedom, huh?”

Aspen beamed at the opportunity to spend some quality time with her two guys, so she hurried to her feet after him. Before she disappeared from the kitchen, she slapped a grateful kiss to my and then Colton’s cheek.

“So...” I started, keeping my eye on my little brother as I gathered up stray plates from the table. “You went to Caroline’s today?”

He shrugged and sent me a quick glance over his shoulder before taking the plates from my hand so he could load the washer. “Yeah. Just checking in, you know, making sure they’re all okay.”

“Mmm hmm.” I folded my arms over my chest as I rested my hip against the counter. “And are they? Okay, that is?”

“What?” Colton glanced up, frowning in confusion. Then he straightened and reached for a glass to dump free of water into the sink. “Yeah. Sure. Why wouldn’t they be?”

“No reason.” I lifted an eyebrow as I watched him work so hard. “Do anything else today?”

He paused before turning to me fully. “Why do you ask?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. You just act like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

His face showed surprise before he cleared it. Then he snapped his fingers and pointed at me. “You know, there is. I mean, it was nothing big. Just...Sarah asked me to have sex with her.”

I came away from the counter and dropped my hands to my sides. “What?”

He must’ve said that wrong, because there was no way he said Sarah asked him to—

“I’m considering it,” he answered with a cocky grin.

Without thinking, I reacted, grabbing his shirt and yanking him close to growl into his face. “Touch her and I will break you in half.”

He laughed.

The little bastard actually laughed before he shoved me back. “Relax, asshole. It’s not like you want her.”

Arching an eyebrow, I stared him down hard. “What makes you think that?”

“Well...” He lifted a single shoulder. “You haven’t claimed her already, and if you don’t claim a woman as beautiful as she is, someone else will eventually. Say, like…me.”

Shit. Was that what had happened? She’d asked me to sleep with her, and I’d said no, so she’d moved on to the next guy in line?

Did she have a fucking list of candidates or something?

“Motherfucker,” I muttered, storming toward the back door.

My punk-ass brother laughed after me. “God, you are so predictable.”

I was too busy stewing to reply or even really listen to what he was babbling about. I practically sprinted to my truck. Glad I already had my keys in my pocket, I palmed them as I slid behind the wheel and cranked the engine.

Making it across town in record time, I skidded to a halt at the curb in front of Sarah’s house and slammed the door before racing to her window.

I pounded on that glass, surprised I didn’t shatter the damn thing before I remembered Mason, Reese, and the kids weren’t home so I could’ve gone straight to the front door without disturbing anyone else.

Oh, well. This would get to her faster, anyway.

When a shadow of movement shifted across the closed blinds, but no one opened them, I scowled harder. Why were her blinds closed, and why did the shadows seem to move away from me instead of closer to open the damn window?

Fuck, maybe she’d already gone to someone else to break her in, and they were in there right now together...naked.

I pounded harder. “Dammit, Sarah,” I growled under my breath. “If you have some fucking loser with you—”

The blinds came up. Sarah’s surprised face gaped out at me, but at least she looked to be alone, thank God.

Of course, then my worry spiked right back to insane levels when she bit her lip, cracked the window only an inch, and said, “Um...sorry, but now’s not really a good time. Can you—”

“What the fuck?” I exploded. She was wearing her robe and clutching the front together with one hand. “Is someone with you?”

“What?” She blinked, clearly not expecting that question. “No. Why?”

“Let me in.” I reached for the small gap we’d been talking through so I could open it myself.

But she hissed, “Brandt! No. I’m not...I’m not decent.”

Squinting at her, I wondered if she’d just gotten out of the shower maybe. But her hair was still dry and...what the hell? She was wearing makeup. A lot of makeup, like as much as she’d worn the night of her date with Seth the Dick.

Holy fuck. Maybe she really did have some guy in there with her. Was she lying to me?

Fed up with this, I yelled, “Did you go to my brother for sex?”

“What? Shh...” she gasped, glancing around me as if she expected every neighbor on the block to pop their heads out their front doors to listen in on our conversation.

Okay, so maybe I had asked that a little too loudly. But booming had worked. She jerked the window up and hissed, “Get inside right now, and keep your voice down, you idiot.”

I climbed inside, barely holding my temper in check. Once in, I immediately glanced around for proof of another man. We seemed to be alone, but a pile of her clothes lay pooled in the middle of the floor. I frowned at them suspiciously while Sarah clapped the window shut behind me in irritation.

“Now...” she growled, clearly annoyed. “You want to tell me what the hell you were yelling about outside my house where just anyone could hear you?”

I turned slowly to watch her sitting on the other half of the bed. My gaze scanned the robe she was clutching closed, all the way down to her bare toes. Her legs were naked too, up to her knees where the robe covered the rest of her.

Dear God, could she be completely naked under there?

“Brandt?” she demanded, and by the expression on her face, she would’ve been tapping her toe on the floor if she’d been standing.

“Did you or did you not,” I asked slowly, “ask Colton to sleep with you?”

“Of course not. I don’t even—” She paused and her face kind of cleared with a surprised awareness. “Well, I mean...” Her cheeks flushed pink. “I may have hypothetically posed a question similar to that...in his direction.” When I merely arched an eyebrow, she sighed. “I asked how he’d answer if I did ask him. I didn’t actually ask. I just wanted to know if, you know...if anyone else considered me...fuckable.”

I rubbed my face and growled, “When did you even talk to him to ask this hypothetical question?”

“We ran into each other when he was on campus this week for his visitation day, or whatever. And he asked why you were being such an ass, so...I told him.”

“You told him,” I repeated, staring at her and unable to believe what I was hearing. “You just...you seriously told our private business to him?”

She blinked, pulling back in surprise. Then... “He’s your brother. Besides, he already knew something was up between us anyway. Why wouldn’t I tell him?”

“Because he’s a pain-in-the-ass kid who needs to stay out of my goddamn private life.”

“Oh my God,” she yelled, “What is your problem tonight?”

I narrowed my eyes at her, sniffing because she had to know at least a little why I was so upset. “I just don’t like hearing you’ve been trying to go to other people for sex.”

Sarah’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me?” Her voice was so low as she pressed her hand to her chest that I paused, realizing she was pissed.

I’d just royally messed up.

Blue eyes flaring with rage, she drew in a deep breath before snarling, “First of all...”

Oh, shit. A first-of-all. I was really in trouble.

“I have not gone to anyone else for sex but you...which you declined, leading me straight to my second point. You didn’t want me, so even if I had gone to fifty other guys after that, it’s none of your concern what I did. If you came here just to be an asshole, you can turn right back around and leave, Brandt Gabriel Gamble. I’m not in the mood for your attitude tonight.”

Damn, I hated it when she handed me my ass like that. Humbled and ashamed, I pressed my lips tight, knowing I needed to apologize but resisting it because my blood was still roaring with anger. Anger which, yes, was probably unjustified because, like she said, I wouldn’t have any right to object if she had gone to someone else—or even fifty someone elses—for sex.

Which sucked monkey balls.

Except there was one thing she’d been wrong about. “I never said I didn’t want you,” I muttered, glancing away.

After cracking off a sharp laugh, she asked, “Then what was all that I’d do anything for you but that bullshit you fed me last time we saw each other?”

“The truth,” I answered with all sincerity. “I would do anything for you but that. And I do want you, so fucking bad it hurts. But I’m scared to death of losing you, and us getting naked and kinky together seems like a surefire way to send you packing.”

“Why?” she shot back. “Are you that bad at it?”

Oh...oh, she did not just say that.

The guy in me was totally and completely unable to ignore such a challenge to my manhood. Leaning toward her until our faces were less than a foot apart, I murmured, “I could make you come so hard you’d see stars for a week.”

But instead of scaring her off, my remark made her lean in too, closing the inches between us. “Prove it.”

Holy...damn.

I wanted to. I wanted to so bad. I even swayed in, focusing my entire being on her mouth. A mere breath away from devouring her whole, reality intruded and reined me in.

I pulled back, rasping, “You know I can’t.”

“No.” She shook her head, her eyes filling with pain. “Actually I don’t know, because you won’t tell me.” With a shudder, she sank deeper into her robe, clutching it closer to herself. “You say you won’t try this because you’re afraid you might lose me. But sex wouldn’t send me packing. It’s you keeping secrets that will send me packing.”

Doom landed hard in my stomach, squashing all my rage, all my bitter jealous thoughts, and only leaving me sucked empty with an ice-cold dread.

“Sarah,” I whispered, afraid I’d just ruined everything, killed our friendship for good, and lost any affection she’d ever felt for me.

She looked away, and I swear her eyes went glossy with tears. “I think you need to leave,” she choked out.

“No.” I shook my head, desperate, and reached for her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Don’t!” she snapped, batting my hand away, and in doing so, she had to let go of her grip on the robe, which in return gaped open, giving me an eyeful.

“Wha...?” My mouth fell open as I took in the red bra fringed in black lace, cupping the most perfect set of tits ever.

Sarah gasped and pulled the robe closed, once again hiding her body from me.

For a moment, I didn’t know what to say, what to think. She looked so good, my dick was painfully hard and already dripping out the end. I wanted her with an intensity that made my mouth water and skin tighten as if preparing for an orgasm.

But then I realized...that was no ordinary, everyday bra. That was a seduction bra, a bra meant to be seen.

Just who did she want seeing it?

“What the hell are you wearing?”

“Nothing,” she muttered, scowling at me but also looking completely guilty and a little humiliated. “Will you please just...go away?”

I laughed. Hard. While glaring. “Not until you answer my fucking question. Why are you wearing that? Who are you wearing it for?”

She looked mortified as she shook her head emphatically. “I...no one.”

“Sarah, don’t fucking lie to me.” I loomed closer. “Who...did you buy that for?” Because I was going to kill the fucker. I didn’t care if I wasn’t supposed to be jealous or wasn’t allowed to be upset if she went to another guy.

She was mine. End of discussion.

“Who?”

“Me!” she growled, shoving me away. “Okay? I went to the store and bought it today for me. I’m not trying to seduce anyone, you big stupid jerk. I just wanted to make myself feel...desirable. Do you not understand that Seth broke something inside me? I don’t...I don’t know...” When more tears filled her eyes, I fisted my hand and set it against my mouth, biting my knuckles to keep from reaching for her. “My entire life, I’ve felt more like an observer than a participant. And when he asked me out, it was like I finally had a chance to live. But then, what happened, happened and it...well...it felt like a big slap of reality, telling me I don’t matter, that I’m not enough, that I—”

“Stop,” I whispered, unable to hear any more, and feeling like the dick I was being.

Closing my eyes, I cursed myself for forgetting how much she’d been hurt. When I opened my lashes, Sarah’s face was bowed and her shoulders were curled in protectively. Knifelike pain pierced my abdomen with guilt for making her feel bad.

“You matter,” I murmured, knowing the next few words I said may just be the most important thing I ever uttered. “I could lose everyone I know and everything I had, and I’d still be able to handle it as long as I still had you. You’re the only person who does matter to me.”

Slowly, I reached out and covered the hand she was using to hold the robe closed. Then I applied the slightest amount of pressure, cajoling her to let the terrycloth fall open. She looked up at me, her gaze uncertain.

“Let me see,” I whispered.

Her throat worked as she swallowed. And then she dropped her hand away.

The robe parted.

“Jesus Christ,” I breathed. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” Closing my eyes, I groaned and pressed my forehead to hers. “How could you ever think you don’t fucking matter?”

She shook her head, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “I don’t know.”

I barely touched her cheek with the tips of my fingers, dashing away the wetness, and she released a breath before grasping my wrist.

“Because I need proof. I need undeniable, physical proof. I need—”

I hushed her by setting my fingers against her lips. In that moment, I was a goner, done fighting it.

“Okay,” I whispered. “Okay, I’ll give you proof.”

SARAH

When the warm, moist fall of Brandt’s breath brushed over my fingertips and he looked at me with eyes that had just given in to temptation, I let go of his wrists to catch the lapels of my robe. And then slowly, staring him straight in the eye, I slid it off my shoulders and down my arms until it pooled around my lap, exposing the top part of my lingerie.

His pupils dilated and his gaze dropped to my chest. “Jesus.”

He was so fixated with staring at my body he didn’t seem to notice he’d reached out to trail the backs of two fingers gently down my stomach. I sucked in a breath, and my overheated skin rippled with goose bumps.

When he glanced up, his eyes were glossy and hooded, full of heat and yearning. Overwhelmed and overjoyed that he was experiencing all that for me, I hooked my hand around the back of his neck and tugged him in. Our lips slammed together. Hard.

His mouth met mine eagerly, already opening and drawing me in. Fingers sank into my hair and gripped it as he dragged me against him, relieving a portion of the ache in my chest when he pressed it to his own. As our tongues mated, hungry and seeking, he batted the rest of my robe away from my waist so he could curl a hand around my ass, grip and press me forward until I was snug in his lap and his erection hit me right between the legs. I had to break away from the kiss to throw my head back and gasp through the contact. He guided me, grinding me harder.

A mewling sound left my throat, embarrassing me to no end. Hoping to disguise the sound, I grappled with his shirt, panting, “I need this off.”

Without a word, he ripped it over his head. But as soon as his sleek, gleaming bare chest was freed, his gaze caught mine, and he paused. Regret and guilt shimmered through his glazed eyes as he shook his head. “Damn, Sarah. What’re we doing—”

I couldn’t allow him to finish the question, to pollute our moment with doubt, so I kissed him again and shoved him back until his spine hit the wall. His grunt upon impact was full of surprise and arousal.

I broke the kiss so I could concentrate on undoing the top button of his jeans. For me, it was a feat. But I was determined to be the one to release it. If I couldn’t handle one damn button, then what use was I?

Brandt seemed to understand my determination because he merely watched with glittering, hungry eyes as I finally managed to flick his jeans open and zip them down. When I reached inside his underwear, I was shocked by the feel of him.

“It’s so soft.” I wasn’t expecting the skin around the steel shaft to be soft. For something hailed as hard as a rock, I had no idea the surface would feel practically like velvet.

Brandt began to laugh at my surprise until I tightened my fingers around him and slid my grip all the way down. Then the sound choked off into a groan. “Damn,” he whimpered, fisting his hand down at his side after he started to reach for me only to stop himself. “I don’t know if I can—oh, God, that feels good.” His head fell back, smacking into the wall as he squeezed his eyes closed.

I grinned, deciding I was doing fine. Wanting to please him more, I leaned down, down...until my face was right there. I drew his length forward, and my eyes widened at how big he actually was. Oh, holy hell. Was all that really supposed to fit into my little ol’—

“No! Wait. Sarah...” Brandt gripped my hair as his voice went high.

Determined to make him feel good, I wrapped my lips around the weeping, mushroomed head and sucked him in deeper.

“Fuck!” He jerked in my mouth, the salty taste of precum coating my tongue. Then he started to drag me off by my hair, but I don’t know if it was the suction I had on him or the way I moved my tongue, but suddenly he pushed me back on, surging his hips forward so that I took more than I was anticipating. “God. Oh, God. That feels—”

I gagged. Totally didn’t mean to, but I took way more than I’d anticipated, and I had to grab hold of his leg to brace myself.

“Shit!” he yelled, pulling me off him as if I was biting him instead of gagging. Then he leaped off the bed away from me and clutched his head. “I’m sorry. Oh, fuck, Sarah, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

I took a moment to calm myself before I brushed the hair out of my face and met his concerned, frantic gaze. “Yeah, I’m...” But the word fine stalled in my chest when his face drained of color, and his eyes turned an unnatural shade of stark fear. His shaking hands fumbled to jam his cock back into his pants and zip it up.

“Are you okay?” I ended up asking.

He bent at the waist to rest his hands on his knees as he tried to recover his scattered breaths. Finally he gasped, “Yeah, just...bad déjà vu.”

I frowned, sure I’d misheard him. “Bad what?”

He froze, stopped breathing entirely while all his muscles seemed to lock into place. Finally, he slowly, carefully lifted his face, where his expression was completely blank. And I knew...just felt it in my bones...he’d said something he hadn’t meant to and totally didn’t want me to know about.

“Bad what?” I repeated slowly and succinctly so he couldn’t pretend to misunderstand me.

“Nothing,” he murmured, glancing around the bed before he spotted his shirt. Snagging it, he shrugged it on, his fingers trembling the entire time, quivering more than my own were. “I have to go.”

“Brandt?” I said.

He refused to look at me as he blew out a breath and wiped his clothes free of wrinkles. “I shouldn’t have...we never should’ve...” Shaking his head, he turned toward the window. “This was a mistake. I have to go.”

As he jerked the window up, I pressed my fingers to my lips. This wasn’t like the way he’d fled after our first kiss. He was pale, shaken, unsettled. Scared. What I’d done has triggered something, something bad.

Needing to apologize, I whispered, “Brandt!”

But he held up a hand, stopping me. Not facing me, he snapped, “I asked you not to push me, and you fucking pushed. Can you just give me a fucking minute here to clear my head?”

Shying backward, I hugged myself and nodded. “Okay.”

He jumped out the window, abandoning me.

Worried, confused, even a little scared, I stared at the window he’d closed from the outside, shaking like a leaf. Something really, really wrong had just happened. I could feel it in my blood.

I’d messed up big time.

Sliding down onto the mattress, I curled my knees up and wept into them, praying I hadn’t just destroyed everything.

BRANDT

I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. I went straight home from Sarah’s place, locked myself in my room and paced my floor.

At first, I panicked, worried as hell that I’d just ruined nine years of friendship. She’d been counting on me to make her feel special, and not like a freak. She’d needed someone to show her the best things that could happen between a man and woman. And I’d failed her majorly.

And then I went through a mad phase, angry with her for pressing the subject when I’d told her over and over again not to go there with me. Why the hell hadn’t she just fucking listened and trusted it was the worst idea ever? God...dammit. If she’d only dropped the subject the first time I’d tried to give her an out.

But the anger lasted the shortest amount of time before I was freaking out again, wondering what she’d probably figured out about me. She’d heard what I’d blurted, clear as day, and then asked me if I was okay after she’d seen my face. She knew...she knew something was up, something that had absolutely nothing to do with how desirable I found her.

I scrubbed my hand over my face, my fingers shaking again, as I kept wearing out the carpet.

I hadn’t been able to help the memory. But my back had been to the wall, a mouth had been around my dick, and suddenly I was thirteen again, in that rotted-out trailer house with my mom kneeling in front of me, gagging as she fed her coked-out self too much of my cock.

“Fuck,” I muttered, fisting my hands and wishing I could beat the memory from my brain, scrub it free with a wire brush, burn it away with gasoline and a lighter.

Nothing about Sarah reminded me of my mother, so why had I been sucked back to that moment?

This was why I didn’t allow women to give me blow jobs. I knew it’d drag up stupid unwanted visions. Damn it. Why had I let Sarah—

Because it had been Sarah, obviously. Like I could tell her no when she’d been wearing that and reaching for my zipper.

I hissed another curse and paced some more.

The night passed, I continued to feel crappy, and by the time morning came, I had a fucking headache from hell.

I collapsed onto my mattress and slept a few fitful hours before dragging my ass out of bed sometime after noon. Glad it was a Sunday, so I didn’t have school and didn’t have to work that night, I shuffled barefoot from my room and down the hall, in search of food.

“Yes!” a voice shouted as I entered the kitchen, yawning and rubbing the back of my head. I dropped my hand to find Ten popping up from a chair at the table where he’d been sitting to spike his arms into the air in a victorious dance. He spun to Caroline, who was still sitting with Teagan in her lap. “You owe me twenty bucks, woman.”

Caroline rolled her eyes as she reached for another cookie to let her daughter maul. “Just because it looks as if he had sex all night long doesn’t mean he actually did.”

“Excuse me?” I frowned at the two of them and opened my mouth to demand what they were even doing here, when Ten pointed at me.

“Hot Wheels wore that silky black and red number, didn’t she?”

My jaw dropped. “What the fuck?” How the hell had he known that?

“Oh my God! Brandt!” Caroline yelled, making Teagan startle and drop her cookie. “You did, you dirty little slut! You really did it. And here, I was so sure you’d resist her seduction attempt. I can’t believe my little brother is so freaking easy.”

“Wait. What?” Pressing my hands to my aching head, I counted to five with my eyes shut before dropping my fingers and narrowing my gaze on my sister and her annoying husband. “First of all...what the hell are you three doing here?”

“Teagan has a play date with Beau,” my sister answered as she brushed cookie crumbs from her daughter’s mouth while Teagan selected a new cookie to eat. “But he was napping when we arrived, so now we’re just waiting for him to wake up.”

“Nap?” Teagan lifted her face, looking worried.

Caroline laughed. “No, baby. We’re not making you take another nap.” It was a well-known fact Ten and Caroline’s daughter hated the dreaded n-word. “Beau’s taking a nap.”

“Beau,” Teagan cheered. “Beau-Beau play now?”

“As soon as he wakes his lazy ass up,” Ten told her.

“Lazy ass,” Teagan repeated solemnly.

“He is,” her father agreed, “Just like his daddy.”

“I heard that, asshole,” Noel grumbled as he strolled into the kitchen behind me and went to the refrigerator to get a bottle of Gatorade.

As he shut the door and cracked open the lid, his gaze scanned over me. “Are you just now waking up? Damn, Brandt.”

I folded my arms over my chest and glared. “Are you in on this too?”

After taking a sip, he blinked blankly. “In on what?”

Caroline snorted. “As if he could ever be as devious as Colton and me? Of course we didn’t involve Noel.”

“Colton?” I growled, remembering how he’d enticed me into visiting Sarah last night. Holy fuck, I’d been played...by my own family.

By Sarah.

Oh my God. That deception was the worst. She’d cried, she’d gotten my jealousy stewing, and she’d worn that slinky fucking lingerie. She’d known what she’d been doing the entire fucking time.

I felt sick to my stomach.

“Involved me in what?” Noel repeated, beginning to frown.

“Well, Colton may or may not have learned from Sarah that she and Brandt were discussing...you know.”

Noel blinked. “No. I don’t know.”

“Sex,” Ten said, rolling his eyes. “They’ve finally been talking about doing it.”

Glancing at me as if confused, my older brother said, “You mean, you two haven’t already?”

My jaw dropped. What the hell? “She’s my friend. Of course we haven’t.” Was I the only sane, rational person left on the planet?

“So you didn’t last night either?” Caroline broke in. “Yes!” She punched Ten in the arm. “I win. You lose. Sucka!”

Ten rubbed his arm and scowled at me. “Damn it, what is wrong with you? You seriously turned down the black and red panty set? Dude.” He blew out a low whistle as if he was either impressed or severely disappointed by my willpower.

Unable to take it a second longer, I exploded. “How the fuck do you even know what color of underwear Sarah was wearing last night?”

“Hey, shhh,” Noel warned. “Beau’s taking his nap.”

“Or he was,” Caroline muttered, rolling her eyes.

Their complete nonchalance was pissing me the ever-loving-fuck off.

“Dammit.” I set my hands on my hips and looked up at the ceiling, wishing I could yell in a house where I didn’t have to worry about waking up any kids. “Will someone please tell me how the hell you all knew what Sarah would be wearing last night?”

“Because Zoey and I helped her pick out the outfit,” Caroline answered logically. “Duh.”

I spun to her, glaring. “You actually helped her? What the hell, Care?”

“Hold up,” Ten broke in, lifting his hands to stop us before he reached for his daughter and snagged her from Caroline’s lap. “Let me just grab my spawn here and get her out of firing range before you two really go at each other.”

As soon as Teagan was safely on his hip, Caroline shot to her feet, glaring back at me. “Yes! We helped her. You two are so destined for each other it’s not even funny. And we’re getting tired of waiting for you to figure it out already, so fine...we intervened.” My scowl made her shy back and more hesitantly add, “Just the tiniest bit.”

A vein in my temple throbbed and my jaw felt as if it might crack any second. “And Sarah just...went along with this?”

My sister’s grin was rueful. “Well...once Colton dragged it out of her that she wanted to get naughty with you, we kind of more like...shanghaied her. Sort of willing, but mostly without any consent. Honestly, by the way she left us yesterday, I didn’t think she’d go through with it.”

My mind raced. Sarah really hadn’t been acting as if she’d been expecting me to show up. She’d tried to get me to leave more than once. But she’d still been wearing the outfit they’d helped her pick out, except it’d been obvious she hadn’t wanted me to see it. Damn, I was so fucking confused.

“I still can’t believe you and she have seriously never had sex,” Noel murmured, still stuck on that issue.

“I told you,” I bit out. “We’re just friends.”

“And Caroline’s my best friend,” Ten said, placing a kiss on the top of Teagan’s head. “But I still fuck her every chance I get.”

Noel and I winced together. “Eww.”

But then Aspen entered the kitchen, carrying a still sleepy-eyed Beau, and Noel snagged her around the waist to draw her to his side. “But he’s right. This is my best friend, right here.” After pressing his mouth to the side of Aspen’s head, he sent me a telling look, arching his eyebrows.

I threw my hands in the air in defeat. “Well congratulations to you. I guess I’m just not as secure in my friendship as you two assholes are.”

Stalking from the kitchen, I started back for my room, deciding I’d just change into some clothes and eat out for lunch.

“Hey, where are you going?” Noel called after me.

“The gym,” I yelled back. Once I filled my empty stomach, I really needed to hit something.

SARAH

I owed my best friend the biggest apology ever.

I’d written him about twenty different texts throughout the day. Hadn’t sent any of them. I knew I needed to speak to him face-to-face, but I was scared.

He’d warned me, over and over, that we couldn’t sleep together, but I’d refused to listen. And I wasn’t sure what exactly had happened to him last night, but I knew it had hurt him.

Hurting him had never been my intention. But in my defense, I hadn’t even known it would be possible.

I still couldn’t believe Brandt had a secret, something he’d never told me, something that haunted him.

That stung. I thought I knew everything, every deep, dark corner of his being. But then I realized the only part of him he’d ever kept from me was his sex life, and this obviously had something to do with that, so...I guess it made sense.

Still. I couldn’t figure out what his secret was. He’d flipped out when he’d gagged me, so the only idea I came up with was he’d choked some poor girl to death with his dick and had to hide the body, and...yeah, that was beyond far-fetched, even for me to believe, so...I was back to being confused.

But still sorry.

I was definitely going to apologize. And bake cookies, which I did first, as a form of apology-procrastination, because I was afraid he wouldn’t forgive me no matter how I apologized.

With a plate full of still-warm chocolate chip drops in the passenger seat, I pulled my SUV to a stop in front of his house late in the afternoon.

He hadn’t called all day, which I was kind of worried about. And he may have asked me for some space, but dang it, I needed to ease his mind and let him know I was done trying to seduce him. His friendship was too important to me to lose him over this. If he could forgive me for pushing him to his limit, I would immediately desist any and all attempts to get kinky.

So here I was. I climbed from my car and made my way to the back before lowering my chair to the ground and sliding into the seat. The driveway was a smooth ride for me because Brandt made sure I could roll down it without any problems. And the ramp waiting in the back reminded me even more how much he’d done over the years to make room for me in his life.

He’d gone above and beyond, time after time. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever properly thanked him for even half of it. I hoped I hadn’t ruined our relationship. I didn’t know what I’d do without him.

Scared, nervous, but resolved, I reached the back entrance and knocked gently as I opened the door. Ten stood at the counter, pouring milk into two sippy cups. On the stove, something was simmering under a closed lid.

Glancing over his shoulder, Ten grinned when he saw me. “Hey, Hot Wheels. Heard you crashed and burned last night. Them’s the breaks, huh, kid?” After a sympathetic wince, he announced, “I was so sure he’d fall for it, too. I lost twenty bucks from the whole ordeal.”

“Twenty...?” My body went cold with dread as I set the cookies on the table.

Oh no. What if Brandt thought I’d started out last night purposely attempting to seduce him? He’d feel so betrayed. He’d...I couldn’t even stomach the worst-case scenario. Abdomen swirling with an acidic regret and deep humiliation, I asked, “Is he here?”

“Nah.” Ten screwed the cap onto each cup and put the milk away. “He ran off to the gym, but he’s been gone a while so he should return any minute. Come on into the living room and hang with us until he gets back.”

I blew out a breath as he stole a cookie before he left the kitchen, but then I decided I couldn’t back out of this, so I followed.

Stretched in the La-Z-Boy with the feet kicked up, Noel watched some political discussion on an all-news channel while Aspen sat on the floor with the two kids, helping them build a Lego...thing. Caroline was curled on the couch asleep.

Ten trailed his fingers lovingly over her hair before turning to the kids and asking, “Who’s thirsty?”

While Beau and Teagan gathered around him for their drinks, Noel noticed me lingering in the doorway. “Hey, Sarah. When’d you get here?”

“She just showed up,” Ten answered for me. “Came to see Butthead. And FYI...” He lifted his hand to his mouth and lowered his voice as he kept talking to Noel. “I brought up the s-e-x thing to her, which she didn’t seem to appreciate, so it’s probably best not to go there.”

I groaned and sank lower into my chair. “Does everyone know about that?”

“In this family?” Aspen lifted her eyebrows my way. “I’m afraid so.”

“Don’t worry about Brandt,” Noel assured me. “He’ll pull his head out of his ass soon enough, and you two will be getting married before you know it.”

I winced. Marriage was still the very last thing that would ever happen between me and Brandt. I was just hoping I could still be his friend by the end of the day.

I opened my mouth to answer, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, when someone knocked on the front door.

Noel and Aspen exchanged a confused glance, and Caroline stirred from her nap.

“I’ll get it,” Aspen answered, popping to her feet though Noel kicked down the footrest of his chair and stood as well.

The hair crackled on the back of my neck, and Ten must’ve sensed something off too because he moved closer to the children, who continued to blissfully play on the floor while drinking from their sippy cups with one hand.

Aspen opened the door just as Caroline sat up, smoothing her hair out of her face.

“Hi, can I help you?”

I couldn’t see the caller, but it was obviously a woman by the sound of her voice when she said, “Is...does Noel Gamble live here?”

“What the hell?” Noel murmured, obviously recognizing the voice. He stormed toward the door, only to stop dead next to Aspen and gape out the exit.

“Hello, Noel,” the visitor answered calmly enough, but he recoiled as if she’d slapped him. Then he turned his head and looked straight at his sister, his gaze intense.

She pushed to her feet, frowning. “Who is it?”

The women stepped into the living room without being invited. Caroline gasped and covered her mouth with both hands.

Ten turned his head, looking at me as he mouthed, “Who the fuck is she?”

I shrugged and shook my head, but something about the blue in the woman’s eyes was familiar. It was the same blue in Noel’s, Caroline’s and even Brandt’s eyes.

“Caroline,” the woman murmured, blinking rapidly. “My...goodness. You’ve grown up so pretty.” She glanced to Noel. “Both of you. You look...you look well.”

Noel narrowed his eyes. “What’re you doing here?”

The woman gave a helpless little laugh. “I don’t...I just...I’ve been clean for two years now, and I thought maybe...I don’t know, maybe we could all make...amends. I also wanted to see how my four babies turned out and if maybe there were any...grandchildren.”

When her gaze shifted to Beau and Teagan on the floor, Ten reached out and unapologetically scooped up both kids before plopping them protectively into his lap.

Scowling at the woman for even looking at them, he said, “My kid already has a grandma, thanks.”

“Ten,” Noel muttered, shaking his head, but there wasn’t any real censure in his voice.

“What?” Ten snapped back. “If this is supposed to be your mother, then I’m not impressed. Where the fuck’s she been for the past nine years?”

“I...I’ve been pretty messed up,” Daisy Gamble answered, her voice wavering.

“Yeah, well boo-fucking-hoo.” Ten obviously had no compassion for her. “Your children had to raise themselves, so my sympathy’s a little busy elsewhere, sorry.” He totally didn’t sound sorry.

“Who the hell is he?” Daisy demanded, turning to Noel, who was rubbing at a spot on the center of his head. “He can’t be Brandt or...Colton.” She winced uncertainly over Colton’s name, though, like maybe wondering if he was her youngest son after all.

“He’s my husband,” Caroline answered firmly, moving close to Ten. “Oren Tenning.”

Her mother’s gaze shifted between them before it roved around the room and settled on me. She squinted slightly, unable to place me, and no one enlightened her as to my identity, so she turned back to Noel.

“Where are Brandt and Colton?”

Noel clenched his teeth. As Aspen moved to his side, he took her hand and asked his mother, “What do you really want from us?”

“Nothing!” Flushing, she threw her hands in the air. “My goodness. I just...I want to reconnect with my children again. I want a second chance. Is that so hard to believe?”

While Ten snorted, Noel and Caroline shared a silent glance. Caroline lifted an uncertain shoulder. So Noel sighed and turned back to Daisy.

“Honestly,” he answered, “I have no use for you.” When Daisy sucked in a breath and looked as if she was going to start bawling, Noel added, “But if the others want a relationship, that’s fine. Wait, you do know they’re all over eighteen now, right? You can’t try to get custody over any of them any longer.”

Lie. Colton wouldn’t be eighteen for another three months, but Daisy nodded and said, “I know.”

My mouth dropped open. But...holy wow. Did she really not know how old her own children were?

And I’d thought my mom had been crappy.

“What about you, Care?” Noel asked his sister, arching his brows her way.

Her eyes widened. “I...” Shaking her head, she looked to Ten for help. “I don’t know.”

He stroked her leg. “Whatever you want, baby. I’ll support you no matter what.”

“We can ease into it,” Daisy rushed to say. “Meet once a month for dinner, or something. Start off casual, nothing big.”

“Then...maybe,” Caroline answered, gulping as if afraid she’d made the wrong choice.

Daisy brought her fingers to her mouth. “Thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance.”

Her daughter nodded, even though she appeared sick about the chance she’d just given.

Glancing down at the children still corralled on Ten’s lap, Daisy asked, “And who are these two little beauties?”

“Oh, uh...” Aspen swept forward cordially. “This little guy is actually mine.” She extracted Beau from Ten and swept him up onto her hip.

Finally noticing a new person, Beau shied against his mother’s cheek and gazed at Daisy from wary blue eyes. When Aspen glanced uncertainly toward Noel, he nodded once.

“This is Beau,” she introduced. “And I’m Aspen, Noel’s wife.”

“So nice to meet you,” Daisy told her warmly before turning to Teagan.

“My daughter, Teagan,” Caroline said.

Not as cautious as her cousin, Teagan sprang forward to hold up a toy, eager to share it with Daisy as she announced, “Lego.”

Her grandmother smiled and accepted. “Yes, I see that.”

Teagan kept blinking at her expectantly, which roused a confused glance from Daisy to Caroline.

“She wants to play Legos with you,” Ten translated dryly.

“Oh! Well...I guess. Okay.”

As Daisy knelt on the floor and played with Teagan, Beau grew curious and finally wanted to get down to play too.

All the adults pretty much just hovered, watching closely as their children interacted with Daisy.

She never again looked in my direction or asked who I was, which I didn’t mind, but still...rude.

Probably beginning to feel like a bug tacked to a board by how closely we watched every move she made, Daisy finally lifted back to her feet and brushed off her knees. “Do you have a washroom around here I can use?”

“Down the hall,” Noel told her after a beat, as if deciding whether he really wanted her in his bathroom. “Middle door on the right.”

“Thank you.” She moved past me and disappeared down the hall.

“I don’t like this,” Ten immediately announced.

Noel and Caroline didn’t answer, but they didn’t exactly look pleased.

Aspen began to wring her hands. “How do you think Brandt and Colton are going to react?”

Her husband shook his head. “I don’t know. I just hope she’s gone before they get home so at least they have more time to adjust to this than we did.”

“Colton used to have nightmares about her taking him away,” Aspen went on, the worry on her face clear as day.

“She’s not taking him fucking anywhere,” Noel growled. “Jesus.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Was I wrong to let her in the house?”

Ten snorted. “You didn’t exactly let her in.”

Noel sighed. “If the boys don’t want anything to do with her, would it be wrong to just tell her, thanks but no thanks, go away now?”

“Fuck, no,” Ten said. “You can absolutely tell her to screw off if you want to. She abandoned you.”

“Not really,” Caroline argued with a wince. “She just—”

“Abandoned you,” Ten muttered.

“Sarah,” Noel said, making me jump and wonder why he’d said my name. I didn’t have any reason to be brought into this conversation. But as soon as my gaze met his, he asked, “How do you think Brandt’s going to react?’

Honestly, I had no clue. Brandt had barely ever talked about his mom. Past saying she’d been a shitty parent who’d neglected them to the point that Noel had assumed guardianship of them, he never mentioned her, never acted as if he missed her or wanted her around or even thought about her.

I figured he’d be pretty ambivalent to her appearance, the same as Caroline.

But before I could answer, a male shout roared through the house, from the direction of the kitchen in the back. “Get the fuck away from him!”

“What...” Everyone in the living room shared a surprised glance of confusion before we all surged toward the hallway to see what was going on.

Of course, the girl in the wheelchair got there last and had to bring up the rear of the exodus. But that voice had sounded like Colton’s, and if Colton was warning someone away from “him,” the only other “him” it could be in this household was Brandt.

Worried about Brandt, I wheeled down the hall as fast as I could.

BRANDT

I pulled into the alley to park in my usual spot behind the house. After killing the engine, I grabbed my gym bag and climbed from my truck. My hair was still damp from the shower I’d taken after my workout, and my T-shirt and sweatpants were the first clean things I’d found in my duffle.

I felt good. My muscles were warm and limber, and food along with about a gallon of water sounded perfect right about now. Head drained of all thoughts of Sarah and red undies, I entered through the back door that led straight into the kitchen, only to pause and inhale the scent of barbecue. Moaning, I set my bag on the floor by the exit, grabbed a cookie from the plate sitting on the table, and then went to the stove to lift the lid and groan a little more.

As I breathed in the smoky fragrance, my stomach growled, letting me know it totally agreed with Aspen’s supper choice for the evening. After polishing off the cookie, I couldn’t stop myself from dipping my pinkie into the sauce. Wincing at how hot it was, I promptly popped the digit into my mouth.

“Mmm...” I closed my eyes and moaned. “Oh, God.”

Good shit.

I was debating on stealing another sample when I heard someone enter the kitchen behind me.

Worried about getting scolded by Aspen for sticking my fingers in her food, I whirled around, jerking all evidence free from my mouth while my other hand still guiltily held on to the pot’s lid.

Excuses of why I was by the stove near the food filled my head. “I was just...”

But the words died on my tongue, because as it turned out, Aspen wasn’t the person who stood in the doorway.

“Hello, Brandt,” the woman murmured.

I flinched at my name, and the metal lid slid from my hand to crash to the floor, clanging horribly.

She jumped and slapped her hand against her chest before laughing. “Sorry,” she offered. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

I just stared at her, dumbly, until she wrinkled her eyebrows with concern. “You remember me, don’t you?”

Remember her? I couldn’t fucking forget her.

It’d been nine years, but she looked exactly the same despite a couple wrinkles and an overdone tan job.

Shaking my head in denial, positive I had to be hallucinating, I glanced around the kitchen, wondering how the fuck she’d gotten here.

“I found Noel’s address online,” she answered my unspoken question. “I’m clean now and wanted to start over fresh with you guys.” When she stepped toward me, I stumbled backward until I banged into the cabinets behind me.

Halting, Daisy tilted her head to the side and frowned. “Hey, you’re not still sore about what happened that one night, are you?” With a sigh, she rolled her eyes. “You know I was high, right? I had no clue what I was doing, and besides, it’s not like I hurt you.” An arrogant little sneer twisted her lips and she stepped even closer. “Quite the opposite, actually.”

Bile filled my throat. Jesus, she did remember what she’d done. I thought I was going to be sick.

She didn’t even seem sorry about it.

Checking me out with a look that was anything but motherly, she tapped her chin with her finger before humming in her throat. “I was right, though. You’re definitely Derick’s. You two look almost identical.”

When she reached out to touch my face, I caught her hand, snarling, “Don’t.”

And then I grew pissed at myself. Here stood the woman who’d destroyed my childhood, affected every sexual relationship I’d ever had with any woman, and was probably keeping me from being with Sarah. I hated her. I hated every fucking thing about her existence. Yet, I was cowering against the cabinets, too petrified to say anything but a pussy little, “Don’t.” What the hell was wrong with me?

Flinging her hand away from me because even touching her skeeved me out, I growled, “Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t even be in the same room as me. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“But that’s not fair,” she whined, reaching for my arm. “I’m your mother; I deserve a second chance.”

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” Colton boomed from the back door as he ripped it open and barreled inside, startling the shit out of me because I hadn’t even heard him approaching.

He shot straight for Daisy and shoved her. Hard. Hard enough to make her stumble backward and away from me. From the look on his face, he wanted to charge her again.

Afraid he might hurt her, I grabbed him, holding him back. “Colton! What the hell?”

He strained against me as he glared at our mother. “What the fuck is she doing here?” He was so upset his voice shook.

Worried about what he might do to get himself into trouble, I kept hold of him. “I don’t know. She said she wanted a second chance.”

Colton laughed. “A second chance at what? To mess us up even worse than she already has?”

“Colton,” Daisy gasped as she straightened herself and stepped toward him. “Why are you acting like you hate me? I’m your mother.”

Colton spit on her. It shocked me so much that I lost my grip on him. He surged toward her, looming in her face. I started after him to contain him again, but he wasn’t touching her, so I paused.

“You are not my mother.” His voice was low and certain as he spoke. “My mother’s name is Aspen.”

A sharp intake of breath from the opening of the kitchen that led into the hall made me look to find Aspen and Noel, along with Ten and Caroline and all their children gathering in the entrance, gaping at us with alarm.

“Who the fuck let her into this house?” Colton demanded. “I’m not going anywhere with her.”

“Of course you’re not,” Noel said calmly, lifting his hands as he stepped forward. “You don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to go.”

A relieved breath shuddered from him, and he visibly relaxed. Then he pointed at Daisy. “I don’t want her here.”

“Fine. That’s fine,” Noel answered. His voice was still gentle and overly calm as if trying to talk Colton off some kind of ledge. “She’s gone.”

“What?” Daisy spun to gape at him in outrage. “But—”

“You need to leave,” Noel said sternly. “I was only going to give you a chance if everyone agreed to it, but clearly...” His gaze settled on his youngest brother, who was still breathing heavily. “They don’t. Now go.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Noel snapped his attention to her, his face growing dark. “Didn’t do anything wrong?” he repeated softly. “Then why have I been raising your children since I was four fucking years old? Why haven’t you tried to see us once in the past nine years? Why did Colton have nightmares for over a year after I got him away from you? How dare you come into my home and tell me you did nothing wrong? Get out, and don’t ever come back.”

Daisy’s chest heaved. Her eyes filled with tears before she slid her gaze toward Caroline, who was clutching Teagan to her while Ten wrapped an arm tight around her waist. Her gaze strayed toward Aspen, holding Beau. When Beau pressed his face against Aspen’s shoulder to hide from her, she looked at Colton.

“You heard him,” he hissed. “Leave.”

Finally, her gaze settled on me. I dropped my stare, unable to look at her.

So she huffed out a breath and silently walked toward the back exit. It opened and then just as quietly closed. For a moment, no one spoke. Then Noel asked, “Are you okay?”

I zipped my eyes up, only to find he was focusing his concern on Colton, not me.

Colton nodded before asking, “How the fuck could you let her in our house?”

Noel shook his head apologetically. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I was afraid to send her away in case any of you wanted to give her a chance.”

“Give her a chance?” Colton laughed bitterly. “After what she did to Brandt? I don’t fucking think so.”

Dread dropped into my stomach just as I felt everyone in the kitchen swivel their attention to me.

“What?” I whispered, or more aptly gasped, because it felt as if all the oxygen in my lungs suddenly vacated the premises. Color and warmth drained from my face.

Praying he wasn’t talking about what I feared he was talking about, I shook my head when Noel sent me a questioning look.

Noel turned back to our baby brother. “What did she do to Brandt?”

I sank back against the counter and slunk in reverse until my back hit the wall, all the while holding my breath in terror as Colton glanced at me with apology.

“I saw,” he choked out, his face filling with grief. “I saw what she did, and I...I’m sorry. I didn’t help you. I was scared. I was so scared I ran back to bed and hid under the covers. And I’ve felt like shit all these years because I...I couldn’t help you.”

Back to whisper-gasping, I demanded, “Wha-wha...what the fuck are you talking about?”

He couldn’t have seen. No way. Nothing could be more horrifyingly worse than learning he’d seen.

But he yelled, “I saw it, okay. I saw what she did.”

“What the fuck did she do?” Caroline shrieked. “Colton, dammit, you’re scaring the crap out of me.”

Colton tore his agony-filled gaze away from me before he turned to Caroline and then Noel. After drawing in a breath, he said, “It was just before you came and took us away, Noel. A couple weeks, a month maybe. I was sick, Caroline was out with that guy...Sander.”

“Fucker,” Ten muttered under his breath.

“Brandt wouldn’t sleep with me because I was so sick, so he stayed somewhere else, I don’t know where. I thought he was on the couch, so when I woke up early, like so early it was still dark out, I went to get him, but he...he wasn’t on the couch. That’s when I heard voices from her room.”

“Oh...fuck,” I breathed. He had seen. Jesus fucking Christ, he’d witnessed the worst moment of my life. Squeezing my eyes shut, I covered my face with both hands, wishing this nightmare would stop.

“There was this crack of sound, like flesh on flesh. A slap, maybe. And then more talking. I thought I heard Brandt’s voice, so I stumbled that way. The door to her room was partially open. And when...when I got to the doorway, just the two of them were inside. She had him backed against the wall, and his eyes were closed. Tears...tears were streaming down his face. Jesus, she was...she was giving him—”

“Don’t!” I begged, my chest heaving with what felt like the stirrings of a panic attack. But if he told everyone, my humiliation would be complete.

He couldn’t tell them.

But Noel grabbed Colton’s arm, urgent and demanding. “She was giving him what? Drugs? Alcohol?”

“Colton,” I bit out from between clenched teeth, gritting my teeth. “For the love of God, shut the fuck up.”

“What the fuck did she give him?” Noel boomed.

Colton’s face crumbled as he met my terrified gaze. Then his eyes begged forgiveness before he turned to Noel and said, “A blow job.”

I gasped as if I’d been shot, though this had to feel a million times worse than any bullet. Betrayed, exposed, humiliated...my vision grayed at the corners and my ears screamed with shock.

I barely heard Caroline shriek, “She did what?” right before Ten breathed, “Holy...fuck.”

“Oh my God,” Aspen whimpered before she burst into tears and buried her face into Beau’s neck, seeking comfort from her two-year-old.

Stunned silent, Noel could only turn his attention to me and stare.

Gripping my mouth with one hand, I glanced at Colton. He seared me with apologetic eyes, but I didn’t care. Dropping my hand, I hissed, “I hate you so fucking much right now.”

Noel choked out a sound. “So, it’s true? This is fucking true? How can this be true? She never did anything remotely like that to me?”

“Christ, Noel,” Caroline muttered. “You make it sound like you’re jealous Mom molested him and not you.”

“I’m not jealous!” he thundered, “I’m...Jesus.” He wiped his mouth, looking frantic as he searched Caroline’s and then Colton’s faces. “Did she touch anyone else? Did she do this to either of you?”

After both Caroline and Colton shook their heads, Noel spun back to me. “Why the fuck did you never say anything? When...how often...oh, God. How many times?”

“Once,” I gasped out, my lungs struggling for air as my breathing turned choppy and all wrong. “Just that once.”

“Hey, lay off him.” Caroline thrust her daughter into Ten’s arms before she shouldered past Noel to step right into my face. “Can’t you see he’s upset? Bubba, you’re hyperventilating. You need to breathe.”

“I can’t...I can’t...”

“Shh.” She reached for my face, but I flinched, unable to handle human contact. For some reason, I just knew it would burn. Even her merely looking at me with those sympathetic eyes scorched me from the inside out.

Colton stepped in, snatching Caroline’s hands away. “I don’t think he wants to be touched.”

“Well, he’s going to pass out if he doesn’t start breathing,” Noel yelled.

They crowded in so close to me, suffocating me, my breathing only grew worse.

“Yo! Back up off him.” Ten grabbed Noel and Colton by their shirt collars and hauled them backward. “Give the kid some fucking space.”

When my three siblings scurried a good five feet away, I bowed my head and rested my hands on my knees until I thought I could control my breathing. But when I looked up, I saw it in the gap of space between Colton and Ten.

The silver gleaming wheel from a wheelchair.

My breathing stopped altogether, dread taking on a new dimension, as my gaze crawled up, barely seeing Sarah’s pale face from where she sat in the doorway of the kitchen, her expression full of horrified shock.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, no, no.”

She’d heard...she’d heard everything.

Unable to take this, I shoved past Noel and stumbled toward the exit, tripping out the door in my rush to leave.

This was it, the ultimate worst moment ever.

Sarah knew.

Sarah knew what I’d done. My life was over.

My mind blanked out, and I wasn’t sure what happened next. I just knew I ran, ran until I tripped and fell, and then I cowered in the darkening evening, letting the shadows consume me.

SARAH

As Brandt staggered from the house, I covered my mouth with both hands, feeling...I’m not even sure.

Devastated, heartbroken, enraged at his mother, scared for him, shitty for scaring him off with my mere presence, and just...pretty much every other awful emotion ever invented, plus maybe a couple that hadn’t been yet.

But what the hell had just happened? My best friend on earth had been molested by his mother, and I’d never even had a clue? How had I never been able to guess that? I had to be the worst friend ever.

And—oh God—from Colton’s description, I’d pretty much reenacted what had happened to him all those years ago last night.

I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to vomit, bawl, and then rinse and repeat.

Around me, silence filled the kitchen before Noel cursed and started toward the door, after Brandt.

“No.” Caroline caught his arm. “I should go. He and I are the closest.”

“What the hell ever,” Colton broke in. “You don’t know him like I do. I’ll go. I started this, anyway. I need to apologize.”

“Neither of you are going,” Noel growled. “I’m the oldest and a surrogate parent to him. I’m going.”

“Maybe none of you should go,” I said, making all three of Brandt’s siblings scowl at me. I cringed into my wheelchair and in a smaller voice added, “I just...I really think he’d appreciate some time to himself right now.”

“Hot Wheels is right.” Ten nodded, picking up Teagan from the floor to rest her on his hip. “She should go.”

“Me? What? No!” I lifted my hands. “That’s not what I said at all.”

Seeing me was what had frightened Brandt away in the first place. I was probably the last person on the planet he wanted to talk to. Especially after last night.

God, he must hate me.

Caroline, however, started to nod. “You’re right,” she told her husband. “She’s probably the only one he’ll listen to right now. Sarah, you go.”

“No, really.” I began to wheel my chair in reverse. “Did you see his face when he saw me? He didn’t want me to even know about this. No way will he want to talk to me about it.”

And besides, after last night, I wasn’t sure he’d want to talk to me period.

“He didn’t want any of us to know,” Brandt’s sister argued as she pulled open the screen door and waved me forward. “But now that we do, someone needs to tell him we still love him, he did nothing wrong, and we’re here for him no matter what, so...go along now.”

“I said I was going!” Noel snapped.

Aspen, who’d been gazing into the backyard, turned and caught her husband’s arm before he could reach the door. “Noel,” she said softly. “I know what he’s going through. He won’t be able to talk to just anyone.”

When Noel’s shoulders collapsed and his eyes filled with torment, I wondered what the heck had happened to Aspen for her to be able to relate to Brandt.

“If he’s able to open up at all, it’s only going to be to the person he’s closer to than anyone else.” When her gaze sought mine, I gulped.

Shit.

Noel glanced my way too. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and cursed softly under his breath. Finally, he blew out a lungful and glanced toward Ten. “I can’t believe you were actually right. Sarah should be the one to go.”

Ten flipped him off before rhetorically asking, “Why is it so hard for people to see what a genius I am?”

“I don’t know, baby.” Caroline patted his shoulder before she turned seeking eyes my way. “Sarah?”

“His truck’s still here,” Aspen told me. “So he either took a walk or he’s still in the backyard. My guess is the latter.”

Noel squeezed my arm supportively. “Will you please help him?”

I opened my mouth to argue. There was no way I was the right person to seek Brandt out right now. But everyone in the kitchen was spearing me with this pleading, desperate look. I swear, even the toddlers were looking at me with little begging expressions.

I groaned. “Okay.”

Convinced I was only going to upset Brandt more, I scowled at Caroline for still holding the damn door open as I wheeled past her into the darkening evening. The chilly air made me hiss out a startled breath. It was as if even the atmosphere knew this was a cold, dark, painful moment.

I rolled down the ramp, turned toward the grassy yard, and sighed. Grass was more difficult to power over; it’d slow my search down, but that was fine because a new idea hit me. Nothing brought my best friend around like his protective instinct.

Though I couldn’t see Brandt anywhere, I knew one surefire way to draw him out of hiding if he was here. I kicked my footrests up to the sides and out of my way. Then I latched my fingers around the armrests and gingerly pushed to my feet.

From the dark, a sharp voice growled, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m...” When I took my first step, my legs wobbled like a new colt’s. “Coming to...find...you.” With my second step, I nearly went down and had to reach out my hand to brace myself against the boarded wall of the privacy fence.

“Sarah!” His voice high with alarm, Brandt appeared in front of me and grasped my arms. “Are you crazy? You’re going to fall and hurt yourself.” A supportive arm banded around my waist as he tethered me to him.

No way was I falling now.

“Relax.” I patted his chest and grinned up at him. “It was just a couple steps. I’m good.” Though I’d probably be flat on my face right now if he wasn’t holding me up. I ignored that little fact. “Now.” After a refreshed sigh, I motioned toward the fence wall. “Let’s sit, shall we?”

“On the ground?” He sounded leery.

I almost started bawling then and there. But my precious boy was still trying to take care of me while he was probably going through the worst turmoil of his life. I bit the inside of my lip as the first tear developed. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t cry. Brandt didn’t respond well to tears, especially my tears. He always turned helpless, and mad, and vulnerable, all emotions I didn’t want him even going near right now.

I had to be the rainbow in his cloud.

Wit and sarcasm were always how I’d cheered him before, so I tilted up my chin and waved out a hand like some kind of regal queen.

“Of course, on the ground. Do you see any benches around? I hope you’re done crying. I forgot to bring any tissues.”

“I’m not crying.” Brandt sounded irritated as he helped us both lower ourselves to the ground until we were sitting side by side.

“Really?” I reached out and patted his face in the dark, in search of wet cheeks, but I only encountered dry skin before he grasped my wrist and pulled my hand away. “That’s incredible. I’d probably be a weeping pile of mush if I were you. So, seriously, if you want to cry—”

“I’m not going to cry,” he muttered.

“Okay, then.” I bit my lip. “Well...I just came out here to tell you, I’m not mad.”

“Mad?”

“Yeah, you know, because we’re best friends and all. We tell each other everything, the good and the bad, and you never once mentioned this to me. I’m not mad. It’s okay. I forgive you. I mean, seriously, I doubt I would’ve been able to tell you about it either if it had happened to me.”

There. I was proud of myself for the careless act. As long as I could keep this up, and didn’t weep as I ached to, I wouldn’t lose him. I was so sure my cheery mood was working too because he let out a laugh.

But then I realized it was an angry, bitter laugh. “It would’ve been entirely different if it had happened to you,” he sneered.

“What do you mean?” I squinted up at his face, frustrated I couldn’t make out his expression.

“I’m a guy,” he gritted out. “It’s different.”

“No,” I argued softly, shaking my head in absolute confusion. “It’s really not different at all. Rape is rape.” And he’d been raped.

With a snort, he shook his head, “Yes, it damn well is different. A girl can be forced into it completely against her will. She can be one hundred percent the victim. But a guy can’t. Because a woman rapist can’t get shit done unless he gets an erection to complete the act, which means...he actually has to want it.”

Gulping, I pressed my shaking fingers to my throat. A part of me could see how he’d come to that conclusion. He thought a female could feel justified in the fact that she fought against it until the bitter end, that no part of her participated willingly. He’d heaped an extra layer of guilt onto his shoulders because he felt as if he’d contributed to his mother’s molestation.

And he was so completely wrong.

Not about to let this dear precious man carry any of the blame, I gripped his arm. “That’s just bullshit.”

Brandt sucked in a surprised breath before rasping, “Excuse me?”

“You make it sound like merely saying no isn’t enough to constitute rape. What if the woman participates because a monster is holding a gun to her head or a knife to her throat and she goes along because she just wants to fucking live?”

“My mother didn’t have a weapon.”

I ignored that. “Or...or what if a rapist forces a girl to climax when he assaults her?”

“What?” Brandt recoiled. “That’s just wrong.”

“It happens,” I hissed, then bit the inside of my cheek for the second time since coming out here. I was balancing on a fragile line and pushing the boundaries of our friendship by doing this to him, but from the depths of my bones, I felt like I had to. “Are you saying those women deserved it?”

“No!” he cried. “I would never say that. But this is different.”

“No, it isn’t. You are a victim. One hundred percent. You did not want it to happen to you.”

“Sarah,” he warned in a low voice, his breath heaving as he grew upset. “Don’t. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I was pretty sure I knew enough, so I shot back, “Yes, I do. That child-molesting bitch raped you. End of story. You were not willing.”

“Except I was,” he roared back. “I wasn’t exactly a small, puny thirteen-year-old. I could’ve fought her off, pushed her away, hit her. But I didn’t. And you know what else? I fucking liked it!”

As soon as he roared those words, though, he sucked in a breath and hissed, “Oh, Jesus.” A sob caught in his throat, and he bowed his head before gripping his hair. “Oh, God. It actually felt good. By the end, I was pushing my hips against her, eager for more, so fucking desperate to get off I didn’t care whose mouth was on me.”

He pulled his knees up to his chest and continued to cradle his head in his hands. Shoulders shaking, he buried his face in his knees, hiding his shame from the world.

His heavy sobs sounded as if they were being ripped straight from his chest.

My lips parted in shock. For a moment, I had no idea how to react. I was afraid to touch him because it seemed as if he might shatter from the slightest contact.

The devastation in his voice killed me, made my chest go tight and achy. My skin chilled with cold, and my head pounded incessantly.

“It was the only time she ever paid attention to me,” he whispered. “I knew it was wrong. The whole time. I could’ve stopped her, so easily. Yet I just stood there. Why did I do that? Why didn’t I stop her?”

“Oh, Brandt.” With a sob, I wrapped my arms around him, not caring whether it shattered him or not. If he fell apart, I’d just put him back together again.

His muscles locked, trying to ward away my touch. But I burrowed my face into the side of his shoulder and cried with him, rocking us both back and forth. “It’s okay,” I reassured. “It’s okay, darling.”

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s not okay. I’m so fucking fucked up that I will never...be...okay.”

“Yes, you will.” I stroked his hair. “You will.”

Petting the back of his palm where he was still clutching his head, I interlocked our fingers. In return, he tightened his grip on me and turned his head slightly in my direction, barely opening up to me.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out.

I shook my head and smiled through my tears. “For what? You did nothing wrong. Honestly, you’ve done so many things right. You’re the best friend a person could ever have, and I love you more than anyone else on the planet. Don’t be sorry for that.”

He opened his mouth, probably to argue with me, but nothing came out, so he ended up pressing his lips back together and shaking his head.

“You know me, Brandt.” I squeezed his fingers supportively. “I am a guarded, closed-off person. I don’t open up to just anyone. They have to be worth it. But for you and only you, I can check my reservations at the door and be myself, completely.” I shook my head. “You always make me feel special, because you’re special. No matter what happened nine years ago when you were thirteen-freaking-years old and your mom caught you off guard, right now, right here in this yard with me, you are the best person I know. And you’re a fighter. You will get past this.”

When I leaned up to kiss his cheek, he closed his eyes and eased out a long, slow breath. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Of course not,” I answered airily, while actually I knew it was the other way around. I didn’t deserve him. “But I like you anyway, so you’re stuck with me.”

He gave a small laugh and lifted his face, making direct eye contact for the first time since I’d come outside. It was a small victory, but I’d take it. Then he sniffed and wiped the back of his hand over his nose.

Since he’d stopped openly sobbing, I had a feeling his tears were beginning to dry for good. Thank God. The world was a very dismal place when Brandt Gamble was reduced to tears.

“Thank you,” he said, letting go of my fingers so he could wrap his arms around me and tug me into his lap until my side was pressed warmly against his chest. “We moved here right after it happened, and you were the first person to really talk to me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you then. Fuck, I don’t know what I’d do without you right now. Probably kill myself.”

My heart jumped with fear at the very idea, but I forced myself to stay calm and keep it light.

“Well, we can’t have that.” I smacked his chest lightly. “I wouldn’t have anyone else to complain to every time they canceled one of my favorite shows if you were gone.”

He chuckled again, then squeezed me tight and buried his face in my hair before inhaling deeply, smelling my shampoo. “God, I love you.”

My lips trembled as I tried to keep from bursting out into tears once more. The profound honor I felt for getting to be the one to ease his pain was overwhelmingly precious.

I bit the side of my lip to keep myself under control. Then I ran my fingers through his hair again and snuggled closer, because not only did I need the contact, but he was the perfect heat source on this cool night.

He smelled good too, like he was fresh from a shower. And for some reason the resulting lust that stirred through me made me remember why I’d come here in the first place, and what I’d done to him last night.

My eyes snapped open, guilt swamping me.

Pulling away, I looked up at him and choked on my own regret. “Brandt, I...I’m so sorry.”

“What?” He frowned down at me and tilted his head in confusion. “Why?”

I groaned, wondering if I should open this can of worms.

He watched me so intently I decided I couldn’t let my momentum with him backslide.

“I, uh, if I ask you something serious,” I started before closing my eyes and wondering if I should continue before I did anyway, “would you be perfectly honest with me?”

A bitter laugh welled from him. “Sarah, you just learned the worst, deepest darkest secret I’ve ever had. I think it’s safe to say I have absolutely no reason to lie about anything from here on out.”

“Well...” I opened my lashes to watch his face. Then I stroked his arm, already trying to soothe him in case my question pulled a trigger. “When...when Colton told everyone how he saw your mom cornering you against the wall and kneeling in front of you—” As his muscles contracted, I petted him a little faster. “I couldn’t help but remember the way you reacted last night when I trapped you against the wall and sucked your—”

“It wasn’t the same,” he cut in, reaching for my hand to pull it off his arm and grip my fingers. “Those two events...not the same at all.”

“Yeah, but still...is that what you meant when you said it gave you bad déjà vu? What I did brought up memories of...her?”

He was so quiet I realized I had my answer. So I whispered, “Oh, Brandt, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I did that to you. I knew I shouldn’t have tried to force the issue. You told me no, repeatedly, and I just didn’t listen. I’m never going to push again. I can’t believe I—”

“No.” He shook me lightly to get me to stop talking. “You did nothing wrong. You’ve never done anything wrong. There is no reason at all for you to be sorry. You’re the only thing holding me together right now. Fuck, you’ve been the one thing holding me together for nine years. It’s in no way your fault that I’m so messed up. I just...I can’t...”

When he shook his head and bowed his face again, I panicked and clutched his arm, worried I’d lost ground by bringing up the subject.

I was so stupid.

I wanted to tell him it was okay, he didn’t have to say anything else, but then I feared things would only get worse if we didn’t clear the air completely right now, so I found myself asking, “You can’t what?”

“I don’t know,” he muttered, clearly irritated with himself. “Sex is just really weird for me. After...after what she did, I was so fucking ashamed and mortified every time I got wood. Anything to do with my cock was wrong and dirty, and just...contaminated by what I’d done with her. Then Shayla Birmingham seduced me our sophomore year.”

Damn it, I knew she’d been his first. God, I hated beautiful, big-boobed Shayla Birmingham.

“After her, I realized I could do stuff, just not with someone I actually felt close to because then it was like I was, I don’t know, sullying her or something. So I started choosing partners I knew I’d never fall for. From there, I grew to need certain...things.”

He glanced at me. “Not only would it have felt like I was defiling you with my filth if we’d ever done anything, but I...I have strange tastes, and when you asked me to take your virginity, I freaked out. What if...what if I freaked you out, and you never wanted anything to do with me again?”

Mind going crazy with what he might possibly mean by all that, I cleared my throat, then said, “Okay, first of all, you are not filthy. No victim is filthy just because something horrendous happened to them, no matter how culpable you feel. And second...strange how? Are we talking...fecal play, golden showers, cadaver fetishes, bestiality—”

“What? No!” he shouted, staring at me as if I’d lost my mind. “Nothing like that. Jesus. I meant domination. Just...domination-like shit. I like to be in complete control, okay? I don’t let the girl touch me or be on top or...it’s fucked up, but...I don’t know, a normal kind of fucked up. Last night was the closest I’d ever let anyone get to my dick. But since it was you, I thought...I don’t know.”

“I understand,” I murmured. “And I...I appreciate you trusting me enough to at least let me try. I’m sorry I messed up and—”

“You didn’t mess up. You...it was going well, and I mean really well...until I freaked out.”

I smiled, wondering why I didn’t feel awkward about having this conversation with him. But then...this was Brandt. I’m not sure anything we ever discussed could become awkward between us.

“So...you prefer total control, huh?” I said. Then I lifted my eyebrows with a curious interest. “Like...restraints...kind of control?”

He was slow to answer, but after a moment, he gave a reluctant nod. “Sometimes, yeah. That’s been known to get me off. I don’t want to forcefully subdue anyone or hurt a girl, nothing like that. I just like...doing all the work, you know, while she lays back and takes in the pleasure.”

Air seeped from my lungs as I soaked in the mental picture he drew. It sounded...nice.

Very nice.

Finally, when I had phased out for too long, he whispered, “Sarah?”

I licked my dry lips and glanced up to meet his worried gaze. I knew I needed to answer, but oh my God, what could I say to that? That I actually liked the idea of what he thought was fucked up?

“Sorry, uh...I think I just had a mini-orgasm there. I’m okay now.”

“Orgasm?” He sat up straighter. “You mean you—”

“Yeah,” I muttered, cutting him off. “Sorry. What you described sounded like, well...fun. But whatever. We should probably head back in now...” He opened his mouth to respond, but I wasn’t sure if I could take another sex rejection from him, so I rushed to add, “I have a bad feeling your family’s trying to watch us out the window.”

Simultaneously, we shifted our gazes toward the house, and sure enough, about half a dozen silhouettes loomed at the back windows.

Brandt blew out a shuddered breath and spiked his hands through his hair. “I don’t know what to say to them. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even want to think about it. God, I wish Colton had kept his fucking trap shut.”

“It’s okay,” I murmured, petting his arm. “I got this. Let’s just...we’ll get this one confrontation out of the way, and then you can come home with me tonight, okay?”

He nodded, looking relieved. “Okay. Thank you.” Leaning in, he pressed his mouth to my temple as if trying to eke some courage from me before he let out a breath. Then he slid me off his lap and pushed to his feet.

I didn’t want the wheelchair and when I said so, he didn’t argue. I think he kind of wanted to stay close to me, anyway. Looping an arm around my waist to support me, he made himself my crutch while we took painfully slow steps up the ramp and back inside through the rear entrance.

As expected, all his siblings, plus their spouses, but no children, were still loitering in the kitchen.

We pulled to a halt and faced them together.

Noel took one look at Brandt’s still-incredibly-pale face and swollen, bloodshot eyes before he erupted. “That fucking bitch! I’m going to kill her.”

His words uncorked the pressure brewing in everyone, and they all started talking at once, threatening all manner of disembowelment and torture to their mother, and promising justice for Brandt.

Knowing this was exactly what he wanted to avoid, I held up a hand and shouted, “No!”

The family actually quieted, which made me blink, a little shocked my command had worked. But now that I had everyone’s attention, I was going to steer the conversation to where Brandt wanted it.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” I started. “Each of you will have a turn to say whatever you need to say to him. There will be no questions about the actual event, but you can let him know that you do not blame him for anything, and love him no matter what. And then, after that, we’ll never speak of this again. Got it?”

This time, I think my authority managed to shock everyone else too. Even Brandt gazed at me with raised eyebrows. But at least they followed my rules.

Ten was the first to clear his throat and wave a hand before stepping forward. “Can I go first?” When I realized he was asking me, I raised an eyebrow and gave him a nod.

He turned to Brandt. “Dude... You’re my wife’s brother and my daughter’s uncle. You’re family, and you always will be, no matter what. I got your back, man.”

When Ten reached out a fist to pound it out, Brandt tightened his grip on my waist but used his free hand to bump his knuckles against his brother-in-law’s.

Following right behind her husband, Caroline threw her arms around Brandt’s neck and hugged him hard. He had to let go of me to hug her back, so I shuffled toward the kitchen counters and leaned against them to support my weight as his sister cried, “I love you, bubba. I’m so sorry I didn’t save you. I wish I’d known what was happening. I would’ve torn into that room and broken her fucking neck.”

Nodding, Brandt took her words with a small smile that dropped as soon as Colton stepped forward.

“I’m sorry,” his younger brother choked out. “I’m so sorry.”

Jaw hard, Brandt didn’t seem to want to forgive him. But after a glance at me, he turned back and said, “It’s all in the past.”

Aspen was next to hug him. For a moment, I thought all she was going to do was hold him, but after an infinity of keeping him close, she pulled back, tears glistening in her eyes. “I know I’m only your sister-in-law, but after nine years of helping raise you—”

“No, Colton was right,” Brandt assured her. “You are our mom.”

Her tears fell a little faster as she smiled. “Well, I must say, I have a mother’s pride every time I look at you. You’ve become the noblest, kindest, most compassionate man I know. No matter what happened to you in that hellhole before Noel brought you to me, you haven’t let it mar your integrity or keep you from being happy. I know you think us finding out was the worst thing that could happen to you, but you’ll find out soon, it’s actually the best thing. We love you. So much. You’ll get past this.”

After another quick hug, she stepped back, leaving only Noel to speak. With a helpless shrug, he shook his head. “Well, hell. I don’t know what there is to say after that.” But then his eyes filled with tears as he studied Brandt’s face. “Except, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve failed you.”

“No.” Brandt shook his head and yanked Noel in for a hug. “No. You saved me. You saved all of us. And I never thanked you for showing up when you did and bringing us here.”

“Dammit,” Caroline muttered. “Now you two are making me cry.” Hurrying forward, she joined their hug. A second later, Colton announced he was feeling left out.

The four siblings hugged in a group, all of them crying until they began to laugh weepily at themselves. Finally, when they pulled apart, Brandt immediately sought me out, and he seemed to release a relieved breath when our gazes met.

I’d never seen him look so vulnerable, so serious, so beaten. It broke my heart. But knowing I was the one he depended on most also emboldened me. He wanted to escape this moment, so I was going to help him.

Pressing a hand to my abdomen, I said, “You mind if I sit down? Feels like my legs are about to wobble out from beneath me.”

“Shit, sorry.” He leaped forward and then steered me toward a chair at the table. Then he hovered next to me and set a warm hand on my shoulder before glancing at his siblings. “I’m going to take Sarah home. I’ll probably stay there tonight.”

No one had a problem with that, so...it was settled. Brandt was coming home with me.

BRANDT

I felt drained, exhausted, and sore. For a moment, I wasn’t sure why I was so sore, but then I realized I’d been holding myself tense for the past couple hours. My muscles were probably screaming for a little relaxation.

When the door to Sarah’s bedroom opened, I turned my face on the pillow where I’d been resting my head and staring up at her ceiling to watch her roll into the room. My chest tightened with emotion as she smiled at me. But my muscles, they seemed to let out a sigh of relief.

I was so fucking glad she’d been there tonight.

The first moment I’d seen her wheelchair in the kitchen, I’d thought my life had ended. I was ready to wilt away into nothing, because I hadn’t trusted our friendship the way I should have. I was certain I was going to lose her.

But Sarah had ended up saving me instead of leaving me to drown in the horror.

I didn’t think I could love her any more than I did in this moment.

“Hey,” she murmured brightly, dressed in her nightclothes and ready to sleep.

Shifting under the covers to make room for her, I smiled back. “Hey.”

After everything that had happened tonight, all the shit we’d been through lately, the drama that had seemed to take over our lives, all we had to say was “hey” and it covered everything.

“You look beat,” she told me as she climbed onto the mattress with me and settled the blankets in around us before lying down with her head on my shoulder instead of on her pillow.

I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her more snugly against me. “I am beat,” I admitted, “But my brain is fucking wired. I doubt I’ll get much sleep tonight.”

“That would actually work great for me. You can rub my back while I sleep.”

When Sarah fluttered her lashes at me in a begging manner, I chuckled. “Oh, is that how’s it going to be, huh?”

“Sure. You can get started now if you like.” She even tried to roll away from me so I’d have full access to her back, but her bare shoulder where her tank top wasn’t covering her soft, sleek flesh had my body sparking with awareness.

“I don’t think so, smart-ass. Get back here.” Rolling her back so that she was once again facing me with her breasts and warm belly pressed into my side, I tucked her against me. Her cheek settled back onto my shoulder, and I closed my eyes, content.

“Well, you can’t blame a girl for trying.” She sighed out her disappointment even as she cuddled closer.

Even though I’d rejected her request for a backrub, my fingers began to lazily strum up and down her arm. And no, I couldn’t blame her for trying anything at all. All her warmth and softness soaking into me reminded me of what else she’d tried lately.

I knew I was being a total guy, but every thought in my brain turned to sex. After the night I’d had, sex should probably be the last thing I wanted, but for some reason, all I could think about was how every reason I’d been trying to stay away from Sarah suddenly seemed moot.

I’d been worried about freaking her out with my weirdness, except she was aware of that now and had actually seemed turned on by the idea of bondage.

I’d been afraid our friendship might suffer, but it felt so strong at the moment, I knew I could trust it to weather anything.

I’d thought everything with my mother had made me dirty, but after a stern talking-to from Sarah, I was finally accepting the idea that maybe I had been a victim, so honestly, I shouldn’t feel too filthy to contaminate her. And she didn’t seem disgusted by me, which went a long way.

So, yeah, with all those reservations out of the way, I just wanted to do her. Hard, fast, slow, intense, languidly, and every way in between.

I wondered if she’d kick me in the nads if I asked, though. She’d tried so hard to talk me into it, and I’d resisted; it would serve me right if she spat a rejection right back in my face now that I was on board with the idea.

Then again, she’d been brave and faced rejection for me. It only seemed right that I do the same for her.

“Sarah?” I murmured, my heart beginning to pound as I looked up at the ceiling and bit the inside of my lip.

“Mmm?” she asked, nuzzling her nose up my throat and making my already hard dick pulse with need.

I groaned and took her wrist before drawing her hand down and placing her palm firmly over the crotch of the sweatpants I was wearing. The warmth from her fingers soaked through the cloth and made my cock jerk.

Sucking in a surprised breath, Sarah lifted her face to look into my eyes. “I...are you saying...are you sure it’s okay that I’m touching you here? No bad déjà vu?”

With a laugh over how cute her reaction was, I shook my head. “Not yet. I think holding your wrist and controlling every move you make helps.”

“Oh! Well...” She gulped, looking so adorably excited I wanted to kiss her. “Control whatever you need to, then.”

“You don’t mind?” I asked, searching her flushed, wide-eyed expression as I made her hand rub up and down my length.

She snorted. “You’re kidding me, right? This is freaking awesome. I can’t believe...” Her gaze ran over me before it settled on her hand that still pressed against my junk. “It’s so hard.”

I laughed. “Well, that’s an improvement from last night when you called it soft.”

“What?” Brow knitting, she glanced at me before she remembered she’d said that. “Oh...no! That’s not what I meant. It was hard underneath, sure. But the surface...I didn’t know the skin would be that soft.”

Grinning, I finally relieved her of her worry, saying, “I knew what you meant.”

She scowled and called me a meanie for letting her think I’d been hurt. But I only laughed again and pulled her hand off me before rolling us until she was nestled on her back and I was on top of her.

Settling my hips between her legs, I pressed against the apex of her thighs, making my erection grind against her clit. Together, we gasped and gripped each other. I caught her hands and pulled them above our heads. Then I lowered my mouth to hers and kissed her.

Our tongues dueled and tangled. Our breaths mixed. Our bodies strained.

I could feel her breasts through her tank top, and I needed to taste them, so I caught the hem of her top and tugged it up and over her head.

“Your shirt too,” she gasped, her eyes glazed with need. “I love seeing your bare chest.”

It took me half a second to rip my shirt off, and once I did, I was finally able to focus on the breasts I’d just unveiled.

“Fuck...me,” I uttered.

“I will if you want me to,” Sarah said cattily, making me dart my gaze to her and realize...we were doing this. We were really going to do this.

“Okay,” I started, only to wince and press a fist to my head. “Shit. I don’t have anything.” Then daring to ask, I met her gaze hopefully. “Do you think Mason has any—”

“No.” Sarah pointed a finger at my nose. “We are not stealing condoms from my brother. Besides...” A smile lit her face. “Open my top drawer there. Dig to the bottom of the pile of underwear.”

“Undies?” That word sold me. Sitting back on my haunches yet remaining on top of her with my thighs straddling her hips, I reached for the drawer and opened it before burying my hand inside, feeling soft cotton and cool silk until my fingers bumped into cardboard. I drew it out only to drop my jaw in shock. “Holy shit.”

A small, unopened box of Trojans sat in my palm. My gaze moved to her, one eyebrow lifting in question.

She offered me a small, guilty smile. “Courtesy of Caroline.”

I barked out a laugh, then announced, “Oh my God, I love my sister so much right now.” And I tossed the box to the side before saying, “Now about these boobies.”

I’d avoided them long enough, which had to be a crime because...damn. They were so ripe and pert, the hardened nipples like berries just waiting to be plucked. I kind of liked that they were on the smallish side because they were going to fit into my hands perfectly.

Flexing my fingers in preparation of touching them, I pulled a laugh from Sarah for my antics before I reached down and cupped her in each palm.

Together, we drew in a ragged breath. “Oh...wow,” she said in a daze. “I had no idea that would feel so good.”

I grinned at her. “Wait until I suck on them.”

She whimpered, so I took that as my cue and leaned down before tugging a begging peak into my mouth.

“Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod!” She clutched my hair hard and her legs writhed uncontrollably, making me feel all masculine and accomplished. But, damn, she even tasted as sweet as a berry.

Batting her fingers out of my hair, I skimmed my other hand down her side as I worked the second breast, making her moan and squirm even more. Except this time, she gripped the sheets and not me.

While I was biting the end and then licking away the sting, I tugged off her sleep pants and panties in one fell swoop.

“I swear, there’s like a string inside me,” she panted out, “connecting my breasts to my pussy. Every time you”—I tugged on the end of her breast with my teeth, making her gasp—”yeah, do that...I can feel it down there.”

“Down here?” I asked, slipping my hand between her legs and pressing against her clit.

“Ohmigod, I’m naked!” she squeaked, glancing down in shock. “When did you take those off?”

I laughed. She really was too adorable. But then I looked down at the pussy I was holding, and the chuckle turned into a groan. Fuck, she was flawless.

“You’re so perfect,” I said. My jaws ached and mouth watered with the need to taste her. “So do you want to try an experiment?” I asked. “See if it works the other way around, and you can feel it in your breasts when I suck on your clit.”

“Uh...” Her gaze filled with lust. “Okay.”

I grinned and licked her. She yelped in shock, then moaned in need, and finally screamed in release.

I loved every little—and big—sound she made. It told me I was doing my job well.

Sitting up, I grinned down at her. “So, did you feel it?”

She blinked at me, looking dazed and confused. “What?”

I chuckled. Oh, yeah. I’d done my job real well.

“That was so much better than any orgasm I’d ever given myself,” she slurred, looking so limp and sated and happy that she might just fall asleep any moment.

“Hey, don’t go passing out on me. We’re not done yet.” Climbing out of my sweatpants, I watched her tired eyes spark with interest as my cock sprang free.

“Oh, wow. Is it bad that I like to look at it?” she asked, licking her lips while I reached for the condom.

“I guess I’d rather you like it than don’t like it,” I decided, grinning when her eyes drew wide as I rolled the latex over my length.

“That is so freaking hot,” she whispered. “Okay, I like looking at it even more when you’re touching it.”

“What? Like this?” I stroked myself for her, and she went crazy, squirming on the bed and clutching at her breasts in one hand and her pussy in the other.

That invisible string in her, connecting the two, was obviously going crazy.

Needing to be inside her soon, I knelt between her spread legs and began to guide my cock to the promised land.

Sarah made a choked, sobbing sound. “Oh no. I’m suddenly nervous. Brandt!”

I froze, zapping my attention to her face. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” she wailed, clutching my arm. “Just...I don’t know. Could you talk me through it or something?”

“Of course.” Nodding, I gripped her wrists and brought her hands back above her head so I wouldn’t have to worry about any bad memories triggering when I needed to focus on easing her worries.

Kissing her on the center of the forehead, I said, “I’m going to put my dick in you now. It’s probably going to hurt.”

“Brandt,” she growled, sending me a death glare. “That did not help.”

I laughed, because actually it had. She just hadn’t realized my bad joke had totally taken her mind off the panic. Wanting to be serious, though, I sobered. “You know I love you, right?”

Eyes sparkling with warmth and affection, she nodded.

Leaning down, I rubbed my nose across the tip of hers. “You are the best friend I ever had, and I am honored to share this moment with you.” Pressing against her entrance, I laced our fingers together and peered into her eyes, trying to tell her everything I was too choked up to say aloud.

“You promise nothing will change between us?” I asked.

Her eyes glittered with all kinds of guarantees as she answered, “I promise.”

I pushed the rest of the way inside her.

And everything changed.

Our eye contact never wavered, but her gaze widened and I sucked in a breath.

My cock stretched and filled her to capacity. Holy shit, I was fucking Sarah.

It was so amazing and humbling, I almost started to fucking weep.

I bit my lip, trying not to rush because I wanted to start pumping my hips so bad I ached.

Under me, Sarah attempted to hide the shock of pain, but she couldn’t hide anything from me; I could tell the exact moment I broke through her hymen.

Seated all the way inside her, I paused and held my breath, hoping she could adjust. “You okay?”

With a nod, she gulped. “I’m good.”

Honestly, I wasn’t sure if she was good or not. She was so tense, and I felt as if I was splitting her in two. God, she was tight. So warm and wet. Jesus Christ, this was heaven.

Being brave, Sarah watched my eyes as if my stare alone could coach her through this. She trusted me that much.

Tenderness filled me. I brushed a sweaty piece of hair off her brow and tucked it behind her ear.

“It’ll feel better soon. You’re doing great.” Then I kissed her softly, my lips barely brushing hers. It was sweet enough for her to close her eyes and sigh. But for the life of me, I couldn’t close mine. I couldn’t stop watching her.

Pressing my forehead to hers, I hissed out a breath. “Holy shit, Sarah. I’m inside you.”

“Yeah.” She gave a shaky laugh. “I noticed.”

I laughed too, everything in my chest dancing with joy. “God, I love you.”

Her eyes reopened. “I love you, too.”

I wasn’t sure if she meant platonic love, or what, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. I was inside her at last. And it was perfect.

“You okay if I move it now?”

She sent me a harassed glance. “Yes, move. Don’t hold back on my account.”

Keeping close tabs on her, I pulled out, nearly all the way and then stroked back in. Her eyes widened and breath hissed from her lungs, but then...then she smiled.

Best fucking smile ever.

“Ooh, that actually felt good.”

“Right,” I said, grinning as I thrust again, slow and steady. This time she arched with me.

“Again,” she demanded.

Kissing her, I thrust a little harder, a little faster, and tightened my grip on her hands I was still holding over our heads.

She moaned, tipping her chin up to expose her throat, so I kissed my way down, nibbling on soft skin as my strokes grew jerkier, harried. My balls tightened a split second before the rush exploded from me. Shit! I gritted my teeth, trying to hold back, wait until she was ready again. But it felt so good.

I moaned, fucking her harder than I meant to as the orgasm tore through me.

And then the most incredible thing happened. Sarah’s inner walls tightened around me as she reared up on her back and cried out, coming with me.

We held each other through the release before I collapsed on top of her, utterly spent.

SARAH

I felt different.

It wasn’t just the beard burn tingling my neck, breasts, and thighs, or the soreness between my legs either. It was something inside, something emotional.

Next to me, Brandt shifted, and his hair brushed my cheek, causing me to take a breath before turning to look at him. His blue eyes were already on me, watching. Waiting.

“You okay?” he murmured, his voice raspy. He looked worried.

I released the breath. This man had been inside me. He’d seen me naked—was still seeing me naked—and listened to me make strange, embarrassing sounds. He’d been so right. Sex had been full of slapping skin, strange positions, bodily functions, and more feelings than I’d been expecting. But there’d also been something beautiful, and tender, and magical about it.

One thing was for certain: no way, no how could I ever have done that with someone I didn’t trust implicitly. I could definitely see how sex could go from beautiful to bad with the wrong partner. And I was so happy I’d chosen someone considerate and thorough, someone who liked me and put my feelings first.

I felt closer to him than I’d ever felt before.

Hauling off, I smacked him in the arm.

“Ouch!” he squawked, jerking away. “What was that for?”

“For saying sex was disappointing and not all that. You are such a freaking liar.” This had been the most intense, bonding experience of my life.

Rubbing the spot I’d bullied, he frowned in confusion. “When the hell did I say that?”

“The night you found out about my date with Seth, right after you told me how much you totally respected virgins.”

“Oh. Right.” With a rueful grin, he shrugged. “Yeah, well...I only said all that shit because I was worried you were going to have sex with someone else. Sex is actually really awesome.” He sent me the look and then ran his finger down my arm. “Especially sex with you.”

The compliment warmed me all over and made me feel all glowy. But to him, I lifted my eyebrows in warning. “And that I respect virgins line you fed me that night?”

“Well...” He scratched his eyebrow. “I respect non-virgins too. Honestly, the level of a person’s promiscuity pretty much has no bearing whatsoever in gaining my respect. My respect pretty much hinges completely on what kind of human being you are, so...”

“Mmm hmm,” I murmured. “You are such a bullshitter, Mr. Gamble.”

“Yeah, but I’m your bullshitter.” Turning playful, he rubbed the top of his head against my cheek before looking at me and grinning like an eager puppy, ready to please. “Whatever will you do with me now, Miss Arnosta?”

“Good question.” I rolled toward him until I was on top of him. “I’m going to have to think about this.” Then I kissed him.

He kissed me back, gripping my hair and thrusting his tongue. But the moment I felt him grow hard against my stomach, he rolled us until he was on top, pinning me to the mattress, reminding me he didn’t like to be on the bottom. And then when I tried to smooth my hands down his back because, come on, I just wanted to sink my fingers into his slick muscles and moan, he caught my fingers and trapped them down at my sides.

I huffed out a sound of annoyance; I wanted to explore him so bad, but I bit my tongue because I knew why he couldn’t go there.

But he lifted his face to search my eyes. “It’s bothering you already, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry,” I blurted, squeezing my eyes closed and wishing I’d contained my frustrations a little more silently. “I know you can’t help it. I just...I want to learn every inch of you. You let me touch you all the time. Why—”

“It’s not sexual then.” The agony in his expression begged me not to be mad. But I wasn’t mad. Not at all. “I can cuddle and snuggle and hold you all day. But as soon as it turns sexual...I don’t know. I just can’t—”

“It’s okay,” I told him, pressing my fingers to his lips to hush him. “I understand. And I can deal.” When he sent me a look, telling me he didn’t believe me, I added. “Truly.”

Blowing out a breath, he glanced up at the ceiling before brightening. “Here. What if we try this?”

Taking my wrist, he guided where my hand went as he set it against his chest and then made my fingertips trail over sculpted, taut pecs.

“Oh, yeah,” I murmured, watching every inch I got to touch, shivering when we reached the ridges in his abs. “Can I feel your butt?” I asked, then bit my lip and blushed for being so bold.

He laughed, but moved my hand over his hip and around to the back. My palm skimmed hard orbs and I sighed, closing my eyes and arching my back. When I squeezed his tush, he grunted and thrust his cock against my hip. Before I knew it, my knees were bending and legs were parting, silently begging him to take me.

“Jesus,” he breathed. “How sore do you feel? Do you think you can—”

“If you don’t fuck me right now, I may never forgive you.”

“Thank God.” He let go of my wrist to grab the second condom of the night.

I was still palming his ass and was almost certain he didn’t even notice until he had the prophylactic on. But then, sadly, he removed my fingers from him right before he shifted and pushed inside me.

It was different this time. I was still sore from our first round and my inner muscles were slightly swollen, making him feel bigger. But it didn’t hurt like the first. This time felt...ooh, damn. I liked this.

“Harder,” I insisted, trying to meet his plunges, though sometimes my CP threw off the rhythm. Brandt didn’t seem to mind; he controlled the pace and movement, and I just needed to enjoy each impact.

Sitting up, he stared down with intensity as he speared my pussy repeatedly, shoving into me with a primal thirst.

“God, I love watching your tits bounce.” He stroked faster, jarring them more so they’d jiggle harder.

Loving the arousal on his face, I grabbed my breasts with both hands and rolled the hard ends under my thumbs.

“Fucking Christ,” he groaned, his face flushing red and eyes going unfocused. “I’m gonna come. Oh fuck, Sarah, I can’t—”

That shot me over the edge for some reason. My body tensed, then released with a force that rocked me, making me scream and shudder and come harder than ever.

Above me, he shouted out his orgasm.

I swear, my fingernails gouged holes into the sheets until my body was able to calm down again. Brandt just barely managed to pull free from me before he collapsed face-first onto the mattress next to me.

“Holy fucking wow,” his muffled voice came from the pillow where his mouth was buried.

I beamed, feeling like I needed to preen in triumph because, seriously...I had no idea I’d ever be able to affect a man like this with my sexual prowess. But accomplishing what I just had—with Brandt of all people—was just...no words could describe the joy bubbling inside me, flowing through my veins and making me glow.

With a giggle, I said, “You’re welcome.”

Laughing, he turned his face so he could focus on me. For the longest second, we shared a grin. No words seemed necessary; we just knew...we made each other extremely happy.

But then the moment passed and he shifted as if uncomfortable before he winced. “I need to get rid of this condom, but I don’t want to move.”

“I need to go to the bathroom too,” I lamented. “But I don’t want to move either. Reese always told me that peeing after sex helps keep you from getting a urinary tract infection.”

“Infection?” In a sudden flurry of movement, Brandt sat upright and flew off the bed. “Shit, why didn’t you say something sooner? I’ll carry you.”

I blinked, watching him quickly dispose of his condom before returning to the bed to scoop me into his arms. “I don’t think it was quite that urgent,” I tried, hoping to calm the panic on his face. “A couple more minutes wouldn’t have mattered that much. And really, you don’t have to carry me.”

When he glanced at me, his features smoothed and mouth relaxed into a soft, affectionate, almost-smile. “I don’t mind. The sooner the better, though, right? You didn’t go after the first time.”

I ran my finger down his cheek. “But what about you not wanting to move?”

“Hey, if you’re leaving the bed, then so am I.” His lips crinkled into a strange sort of pout. “I want to stay with you right now.”

Laughing, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my forehead to his jaw as he carried me from my room. “So you want to go to the bathroom with me?”

“I’m feeling clingy,” he growled, sending me an irritable glance. “Deal with it.”

“Okay.” Still chuckling, I sighed and let him carry me until we reached the bathroom I shared with the twins.

A mesh bag hanging from the shower curtain rod held all their bath toys and the sink counter was mostly clogged with my cosmetics.

Brandt set me back on my feet next to the toilet, but strangely, he didn’t leave. Turning his back to me—I guess, his way of giving me privacy—he wandered toward the sink and inspected my lotion rack. After picking one up, opening it and giving it a sniff, he’d set it back down and pick up the next.

I tried not to get stage fright as my gaze fixated on his bare ass. God, he had such a nice ass, and it looked even better naked.

“This one’s my favorite,” he announced, turning back to show me my three-quarters-empty bottle of warm vanilla sugar. But I already knew this, reason number one why it was used more than the others.

Blinking up into Brandt’s blue eyes, however, the only thing I could think to say was, “I can’t believe you just stood there and listened to me pee.”

This was so weird, and the weirdest part about it was that it felt strangely domestically cozy.

Chuckling at the dazed expression on my face, he asked, “Finished?”

With a nod, I held up my arms, feeling like a toddler silently asking a grown-up to hold me. Obliging, Brandt swept forward, paused at the sink so I could wash my hands, and then he carried me back to my room.

Once we were bundled back under the sheets together, he became my cuddling best friend again, tugging me close and lying on his back to stare up at the ceiling as he took my hand and interlaced our fingers. With his thumb playing with mine and his gaze fixed on my ceiling, he murmured, “It feels extra quiet without your brother, and Reese, and the twins around.”

I nodded, watching his face and wondering what was really going on in his mind. He seemed too preoccupied with phasing out to have seen my nod, though, so I also said aloud, “Yeah, it does.”

“I wonder if this is how it’d be if we lived together.”

Everything inside me froze. But seriously, had he just said...

Live together?

My pulse jerked into overdrive and my mind whirled. I’d be lying if I claimed I never dreamed of such things. Brandt was the man I wanted to be with until I was old and gray, rocking our grandbabies on our front porch swing together. But to hear him say anything in line with my biggest, deepest wishes was just...bizarre.

Forcing myself not to get my hopes up, I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I answered, honestly. “Probably.”

He nodded, not really responding, too busy thinking. And now I really wanted to know what thoughts were whirling through his head.

Then he said, “Do you ever wish you’d met your dad?”

“What?” I blinked, thrown off track again. But where the heck had that come from?

He turned his gaze to me. “Just curious. I was thinking how alike we were. You know, brought up by worthless single moms until our big brothers took us in, and dads who’ve never been in the picture. So, I don’t know...it made me wonder if you ever thought about your dad: what he was like and if you ever wanted to meet him.”

“I don’t know,” I murmured, still trying to catch up with his complete turn in thought process. “Probably not. I heard Mason tell Reese once that my dad left as soon as they found out about my CP.”

“Bastard,” Brandt hissed, his face going dark.

“So...no, I doubt I’d ever want to find him or meet him. Mason has been more than enough of a surrogate dad to me for me to ever want the biological one.”

“Yeah,” Brandt murmured thoughtfully, nodding. “That’s pretty much how I feel too. I have no desire whatsoever to even look mine up.”

“Then why did you mention it?” I turned on my side, hoping he’d tell me why his mind was skipping around so much.

But he only shrugged and returned his attention to the ceiling. “I don’t know. I guess I was just feeling reflective. Thinking forward, thinking about the past. Just...thinking.”

Unable to handle it a second longer, I placed my palm warmly against his temple. “What the heck is going on in here, Brandt Gamble? Are you having doubts?”

“What?” He gaped. “Fuck no. Just the opposite, actually. I was feeling grateful I have you in my life. So I was thinking about where we’d come from and where we were going from here. That’s all.”

“And...” I shook my head, trying to ignore the ball of worry growing in my stomach. “Where are we going from here?”

He grinned. “No clue. But as long as we’re going there together, I decided I don’t care. I’m just going to enjoy the ride.”

My stomach settled, and a smile eased onto my lips. “Does sex always make you this philosophical?”

With a laugh, he tugged me against him until my cheek was nestled in its designated spot over his heart. Then he kissed my temple. “Just with you. I think I’m going to name your pussy Aristotle.”

I pinched his nipple. “Do it and die, buddy.”

“Ouch!” Playfully pushing my hand off him, he buried his face in my hair and chuckled. “Plato?”

“God, no! That sounds like Play-Doh. My vagina is not Play-Doh!”

He roared with laughter before smoothing his hand over my hip and trying to squirm it between my legs. “I don’t know; I sure like playing with it.”

“Brandt!” I shoved his hand away and tried to attack him, but he rolled me on my back and pinned me to the bed before pressing his laughing lips to my indignant ones. And yep, I couldn’t stay miffed after that.

I don’t know when we finally got to sleep. But we talked late into the night, snuggling and touching, laughing and bickering, kissing and...kissing some more. It was honestly the best night of my life.

When I woke the next morning, Brandt was kissing me awake by pressing his lips to my forehead.

“Hey, I need to get home and shower before my first class. When you do have to get up?”

I grumbled a moment, fighting to regain my sleep, but then I finally mumbled, “Not until nine today.” I usually worked at the writing center before my first class, but Heather, one of the other tutors, had begged for my shift, needing some extra hours. So, this morning, I could sleep in.

“Then get another hour or two of sleep.” Brandt kissed me again, on my cheek this time. I was still too tired to open my eyes, so I nestled deeper into my warm blankets and barely offered him a grunt of acknowledgment.

He laughed and kissed me, on my lips. “I have to work every night this week until Friday. So...want to get together for lunch at the student center someday this week?”

I hoped the sound I made let him know that sounded fine by me, because I was by no means awake enough to answer any better than that.

“Okay, then...I’ll just call.” He sounded amused before his lips were pressing against my temple, one last time... And then he was gone.

SARAH

I couldn’t get to sleep after Brandt left. So by slow increments, I roused more fully until I was lying on my back and staring up at my ceiling, wide freaking awake.

So this was going to be my first full day as a non-virgin.

Weird.

My time with Brandt last night began to feel like a dream. So I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.

Okay, I’m finally awake. Did last night really happen?

He didn’t immediately respond, so I did a mental calculation in my head before I realized he was probably showering now and getting ready for school.

I did the same.

I took my phone into the bathroom with me and when I climbed out of my perch in the shower, I saw he’d written back. Joy bloomed in my chest until I read what he’d said.

What happened last night?

With a growl and roll of my eyes, I shot back with: Jerk!

This time, he answered immediately: LOL! Yes, it happened. I’m still in a daze too. Best. Night. Ever!

With a smug little smirk, I set my phone down, feeling better. I was halfway finished getting ready for my first class when I realized...yesterday could’ve very well ended up being one of the worst nights ever for Brandt. I’d completely forgotten his mom had shown up. I began to worry about him until he texted me again, asking when my lunch break was today.

But I had classes straight through until four and had been planning on snacking on granola bars during lectures.

So Brandt asked what I was doing the next day for my noon meal. I scowled, remembering I’d planned on meeting with my advisor during my lunch break.

Damn, he answered. I need to see you SOMETIME before Friday. I’m feeling very introspective. Really need some time with Aristotle.

WE ARE NOT NAMING IT ARISTOTLE, I told him in no uncertain terms, laughing the entire time I typed.

Socrates? he asked.

Oh my God, I loved this guy.

Instead of rejecting the idea completely, I typed, Maybe, to which he immediately said, Really? Cool!

I laughed. I said MAYBE. Now get to class already, weirdo. You’re going to be late.

Shit. Ur right. Gotta go. Luv u.

His last two words made me blink. Brandt had told me he loved me numerous times over the years. I think he’d even said it since we’d had sex, But...I don’t know, today it felt different. Everything felt so different. Bigger. Better.

I turned all pensive and very Socrates-like for the rest of the day myself.

When I made it home, Reese and Mason had returned from Pick and Eva’s. The house was full of sound, the twins yelling as they played, and their parents yelling above them so they could have a conversation with each other from opposite ends of the house.

I smiled and shook my head as I rolled toward the kitchen where most of the commotion was coming from. The family was definitely back. It made me think about what Brandt had said about how quiet things would be if we moved in together, just the two of us.

I let myself envision and dream about that possibility another second before I pushed it away. As tempting as it sounded, it was completely and utterly not going to happen.

Inside the kitchen, Gracen and Isabella were arguing over who would get the last piece of apple while Mason called from his room, asking where his red and black tie was.

“It’s still in the dryer,” Reese yelled before ripping the apple slice in two and handing a half to each child. Then her face lit up when she saw me. “Sarah! Hey, we’re home.”

With a laugh, I rolled toward the refrigerator to get some milk. “Yeah, I noticed.”

“You totally need to see the new baby. He’s just so adorable,” she told me as she pulled a cup from the cupboard for me. “Makes me miss those days and almost want another one.”

“Good God, no!” Mason said as he strolled into the kitchen, wrestling his tie into place over his collar. “Not until these two are old enough to babysit, anyway.”

“Genius idea,” Reese said, going to him after she handed me my cup so she could help him with his tie, and then kiss his jaw as she patted it neatly into place.

“You look nice,” I told him as I put the rest of the milk carton away and neared the table to be close to Gracen and Isabella. “Where are you going?”

“We have a new potential investor for the plant, so all us suits are taking him out to dinner tonight. Everything here go okay while we were gone?”

I couldn’t help it. I immediately blushed. But oh yeah, things had gone way better than okay while they’d been gone. “Uh, yeah...” I mumbled, unable to keep eye contact. “Everything went fine.”

As both my niece and nephew begged for a drink from my glass, I let them polish off the last half of my milk, only to realize Reese was staring at me with the biggest smile.

“Good,” Mason said, bending down to kiss me on the cheek before he did the same for his kids. While his back was to his wife, she sent me a meaningful look before mouthing the words, Oh my God!

Realizing she’d just figured me out, I blushed harder and widened my eyes at her to keep her quiet. So she cleared her throat and smoothed out her expression just in time for Mason to see none of her excitement when he turned to her for the last kiss goodbye.

He’d just exited the kitchen and wasn’t even completely gone from the house when Reese clapped her hands to gain the twins’ attention. “How about some TV in the front room? Sound fun?”

As they cheered and raced from the kitchen, Reese caught the arm of my wheelchair before I could escape too. “Oh, no you don’t, woman.” Whipping me around until I was forced to face her, she pressed her lips together and lifted her eyebrows as if waiting for me to explain myself. But she didn’t give me a chance to say a single word before she blew.

“Oh my God, oh my God! It happened, didn’t it? It really happened! Are you okay? Did he treat you right? Did you use protection? Is his butt just as cute bare as it is covered by those jeans? Wait! No, don’t answer that one. Oh my God, Sarah!”

She hugged me, making me laugh. And blush. My face felt like it was on fire. I was so embarrassed but happy too. It was strange.

When Reese pulled away, she was vibrating with eagerness. “So?”

I had no idea what I was supposed to answer first, so I just squealed, “Yes!”

She shook her head, clueless. “Yes to what?”

“Yes to all of it.” Unable to contain my laughter, I released it again. “It was amazing. He was perfect. We were safe, and oh my Lord, Reese...his butt...”

“I knew it!” she whispered with her eyes growing with excitement. Then she clutched her face and blushed. “Oh, hell, I feel like such a cougar right now.”

“Why?” I shook my head. “He’s only five years younger than you.”

“I know, but I’ve known him since he was thirteen. It’s just so weird that he grew up to have an ass that rivaled Mason’s.”

I wrinkled my nose at the mention of my brother’s butt. “Eww.”

Reese lifted a finger in warning. “Honey, I know he’s your brother and you’re supposed to think his body’s gross, but bash my man’s perfect hiney one more time, and I will cut you.”

“Mommy!” Gray and Issa raced back into the kitchen. “TV,” they encouraged her, reminding her she’d made a promise to let them watch their shows.

“Okay, okay. I’m coming.” She herded them back from the kitchen but paused to glance at me. “I really am happy for you. And if you ever need to talk about any of it—especially about, you know, firmness—I’m always here for you.”

Smiling, I said, “Thank you.” But all this talk made me really want to see Brandt. I knew he was at work, but...he did happen to work in a public drinking establishment, and I did happen to be of age to drink. And my niece and nephew had just stolen half my drink, so I was still thirsty. Who was to say I couldn’t visit the Forbidden Nightclub for a little...nightcap?

“Hey,” I called back to Reese, who paused again and lifted her eyebrows. “Do you, uh...you mind if I head to the...the library for a while tonight?”

She snickered. “The library, huh? Is that what you kids are calling it these days?”

I rolled my eyes and blushed. I was about to say something about how philosophical I was suddenly feeling, but then I realized she wouldn’t get it.

Oh, holy wow. Brandt and I had a personal inside sex joke just between the two of us. I loved that.

“I’ll be home later,” I told my sister-in-law instead.

“Okay, chickie. Have fun...studying!” With a wink, she left the kitchen.

I blew out a breath, then pressed my hand to my suddenly roiling stomach, because...I was going to do this.

I was going to visit Brandt at work. I’d never done that before. The last and only time I’d ever been to the Forbidden Nightclub was the day of Pick and Eva’s wedding because it had taken place there. Bars were totally not my scene. They made me feel extremely self-conscious and were usually too crowded for my wheelchair to navigate. It’d never been worth it to attempt a visit...until tonight.

I was tempted to text him and warn him I was coming by, but at the last second, I decided to surprise him instead.

The parking lot sat across the street from the actual bar. So I had to find a flat crosswalk to allow me to get up onto the sidewalks, then wait until the light turned. Once I reached the entrance, I drew in a deep breath, bolstering myself.

Brandt had told me that these days there was only a doorman on the busy nights from Thursday through Saturday, so I wouldn’t have to pay to get in. But it still felt odd to just mosey inside as if I belonged.

The table full of guys closest to the door with two pitchers of emptied beers sitting in the middle of them paused to stare as I entered. I blew out a shuddered breath and turned my attention toward the bar in the back.

I spotted Brandt immediately, his attention centered on mixing a drink. He looked good. The way the spotlights above sprayed down on him made his dark hair glisten and really emphasized the breadth of his shoulders. It was so overwhelming to realize I’d been with this man. He’d taken my virginity and stolen my love. I would do anything—absolutely anything—for him.

I started to roll his way before he lifted the drink he’d just fixed and then turned to tap his coworker on the back before handing it to her with a big, expectant grin and a flourish of his hands.

My smile falling, I slowed to a stop, unable to stop staring at the woman who took the cup from him and then sniffed at the drink before sipping tentatively. I’d forgotten all about Julianna, the coworker he’d taken on a date...a date that I’d broken up.

Oh my God, I suddenly felt like the stupidest person alive.

As Julianna nodded and gave him a thumbs-up, the two of them began to laugh, smiling and talking, completely oblivious to the rest of the bar around them. And the more I watched them, the smaller and more pathetic I felt.

I knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just interacting with a coworker, but it was still a great big horrible wake-up call to me.

This was his world, the portion I’d never been a part of. He worked here like the normal, average guy he was, had arranged dates here with beautiful, perfect women like the one he was talking to right now. And I...I knew I was his friend—his best friend—but I also knew I didn’t belong here.

I’d told him—freaking promised him—I never expected him to give up his other women just to become exclusive with me or to fall in love with me and want the real thing between us. So why the hell was I here, thinking just that had happened?

Whirling back around, I rushed for the exit, trying to control the sudden shallowness of my breathing as I fumbled to escape. Once I hit the cool night air, the breeze hitting my cheeks let me know they were wet.

Crap. I was crying. Why was I crying? I’d had the most magical night with Brandt. He’d given me everything I’d begged from him, and he’d made me feel special and cherished. I couldn’t have asked for more. So why was I upset?

I knew he hadn’t cheated on me with Julianna. And even if he had been with her, I had no right to feel crushed. I’d promised him I was fine with our night being a one-time deal. I’d promised him nothing between us would change. And even if he wanted more, wanted a real relationship where we—I don’t know—moved in together, I just...suddenly I didn’t want to do that to him.

No matter how self-reliant I tried to be, I’d never be a low-maintenance girlfriend. To any man. I had special needs, and with me, he’d always have to find the handicapped options, build the ramps, lower cabinets, alter his entire freaking life. I didn’t want him to have to adjust to that...just for me. I wanted him to be happy and as normal as possible.

I wasn’t sure why seeing him at work—with her—made all this hit me the way it did, but it really freaking sucked. And when I got home, I snuck back to my room before Reese could see me, and I bawled most of the night.

The next day, I woke to a text from Brandt. All he did was tell me good morning and say he couldn’t wait to see me again, but it made me sob through my morning shower. He really was the most amazing person I’d ever met. And he deserved the best, a woman he would walk, run, heck—dance—with. Someone who could keep up with him and take care of him as much as he took care of her. He deserved someone way better than me.

SARAH

This had to be the worst case of self-doubt I’d ever experienced, and I hated it. But for the life of me, I just couldn’t break free of it.

I think Brandt realized I was freaking out too. He kept messaging me, asking for the next spot of free time I had so we could meet up, either on campus or off. When I kept putting him off, telling him I was busy, he finally asked if everything was okay.

It’s fine, I answered. I’m just cram-packed this week. Getting nervous about finals.

You’ll do fine on finals...just like you do every year. Give yourself a break. No, give ME a break. I need some Sarah time. I need Socrates!

His words warmed my heart yet made me feel worse all at the same time. He made it sound as if I could fulfill his every desire, but I knew that couldn’t be true. I was just...me. Sarah. I wasn’t enough to keep a man like Brandt Gamble satisfied.

I ended up telling him, Soon, to which he spit back, Make it sooner.

Yet I still managed to avoid him until Friday evening.

I was sitting in bed, trying to study yet failing because I was so stupidly miserable, when my phone rang.

When I saw it was from Brandt, I tensed. He’d texted all week and hadn’t called, so it’d been easier to push him off. Hearing his voice might be different. Biting my lip, I debated on whether to answer. I set the phone down, only to pick it up and reluctantly press it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“I knew it!” he growled. “You’re fucking avoiding me.”

“What!” I rolled my eyes. “Oh my God. I am not.” Clenching my teeth at that lie, I added, “I answered the phone, didn’t I?”

“And you totally paused, having to debate whether to talk to me or not.” He sounded a little hurt and a lot pissed all at the same time.

Hating that I might be upsetting him in any way, I groaned before saying, “Did not. You’re being paranoid. Stop being paranoid,” all the while promising myself that I’d stop avoiding him from here on out. He was still my best friend, no matter what.

In my ear, he growled, “You promised nothing would change.”

“And nothing has changed,” I argued. Fuck, I was really going to have to be an actress the next time I saw him, pretend my heart wasn’t broken because I wanted more things than I knew I should have.

“Except you’re avoiding me,” he pushed, making me lose it.

“Dammit!” I exploded. “I am not avoiding you. This is me trying to prove to you that I’m not going to turn into a clingy psycho stalker and expect you to fall flat in love with me, give up all other women, and ask me to marry you. I’m giving you space...like a good best friend.”

There, that set things straight.

Or so I thought.

“No,” he boomed right back. “You’re fucking avoiding me. You have never avoided me before. That’s different. Things are changing.”

“Oh my God, you’re such a pain in the ass.” Why, oh why, couldn’t he have just dropped it? “If you want to see me that bad, then come over and see me already. Jesus Christ.”

“Fine,” he said. “Be there in ten.”

I snorted. “Why not make it five, you clingy son of a bitch.”

“In that case, I’m already outside your window. Open up.”

I glanced out my window, only to gasp. “Oh my God.”

He waved at me before stuffing his phone in his pocket. He’d been there the whole time and seen me almost not answer his call. Our entire conversation had been a trap to prove I really had been avoiding him. That kind of irritated me, but mostly because I’d failed his test.

I jerked up the window. “Really?”

He didn’t respond, too busy climbing inside. Once the window was shut, he turned, took me in from head to toe, then drew in a deep breath.

“Let me just get one thing perfectly clear,” he said, holding up a stern finger in reprimand.

I crossed my arms over my chest and arched my eyebrows, ready to meet his scolding with full-on sass. “Oh? And what’s that?”

Grabbing a handful of the front of my shirt, he yanked me against him until our mouths crashed together. His tongue roughly sought entrance, wrapping around mine and effectively sucking every thought I’d ever had straight from my brain before he released me and pushed away again, breathing hard.

I blinked, swaying from the quick, powerful assault. Then I pressed my hand to the side of my still-spinning head before yelping, “What the hell?”

“I’m sorry,” he growled, eyes flashing with anger...but mostly with heat. “Maybe you didn’t hear me clear enough.”

And he kissed me again. Just as hard, just as intensely, but maybe a little longer this time.

When he pulled away slowly, I licked my lips, relishing the taste of him on my tongue. Then I drew in a breath, trying to recover from the punch of arousal he’d ignited.

“Okay, maybe you should say that one more time,” I was finally able to utter. “Just so I’m perfectly clear I understand what you mean.”

He grinned. “Yes, ma’am.” This time, the kiss was softer, infinitely longer, and so much hotter. He cupped my face in his hands and coaxed my lips apart before dipping his tongue inside and caressing me from the inside.

“Did you get all that?” he asked between kisses, working his way from my lips and along my jaw to ease down the side of my throat with featherlike kisses that made my stomach cramp with need.

Then his fingers crept up the inside of my shirt before he pushed aside the cup of my bra and palmed my breasts that felt suddenly heavy and sensitive.

My head fell back as I moaned, wanting more.

But he said, “Sarah? I asked you a question.”

“What question?” I slurred, reaching for his shoulder, only for him to pull my hand off him and pin my arm against my side while he tortured my nipple over and over between his thumb and pointer finger.

“You, me, together,” he said, his teeth nipping at my earlobe. “Permanently, being as clingy and possessive, jealous, space-invading boyfriend and girlfriend as we want, because this is happening. We are so fucking happening together. Whether you like it or not, you’re mine...just as I’ve been yours for years. So...do you got all that?”

I drew in a breath, stunned to hear such promises. It was more than I could take.

But he’d been mine for years?

I just...I couldn’t...I loved hearing it as much as it scared the crap out of me.

One thing was for certain, though. There was no fighting it. No matter how crappy and low I’d let myself feel all week, convincing myself we were wrong together, all it took was five seconds with him, and all that self-doubt shattered.

Brandt wanted me for real. I was so getting in on that action.

“Y... yes,” I gasped, aching to touch him the way he was touching me. “I got it.”

“Good.” He dragged off my shirt before he removed his own. “We’ll finish this discussion later. But right now...it’s been five of the most agonizingly long days since I’ve been inside you.”

Suddenly feeling like the impatient brat he was already being, I tilted my head back again, allowing him to continue.

“Proceed then.”

He chuckled. “As you wish, my goddess.”

He peeled down the front of my bra, and I gasped when his mouth latched on to me. I wanted to bury my fingers in his hair and clutch his head for dear life, but I settled for gripping handfuls of the blankets under me.

Unfortunately, neither of us heard my bedroom door open until Reese said, “Hey, Sarah. Do you think you could— Oh my God!”

Brandt and I jerked apart to find my wide-eyed sister-in-law standing just outside my room with Gracen on her hip.

As I slapped my hands over my exposed boobies, Brandt scrambled for his own shirt.

“I, uh...sorry!” She rushed in reverse from the room, hiding her son’s eyes with her hand before she slammed the door closed.

“Holy shit,” Brandt whispered, glancing at me with wide eyes just I heard Mason from the other side of the door say, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Reese was quick to answer. “Nothing, I just...um... Let’s go to the kitchen. I’m hungry. Are you hungry?”

“Jesus, she’s an awful liar.” Brandt snickered, and before I knew it, we were both laughing and blushing and hiding our red faces in each other’s necks.

“I have to say that’s never happened to me before,” he said as he tugged his shirt on.

“Me neither,” I agreed before grinning. “Obviously.”

He grinned back. “So, I guess we’d better go out there and, uh, set the record straight before she ends up telling Mason, huh?”

I looked at him as if he were insane. “What do you mean...set the record straight?”

“Sarah.” His eyes widened meaningfully. “Your brother’s going to find out eventually. It might as well be from us.”

“What?” Oh hell no. He wasn’t seriously suggesting I tell my brother I was no longer a virgin, was he?

But he just kept staring at me with that look and I realized...

Crap, he was.

He hopped off my bed to roll my wheelchair to the edge of the mattress where I was sitting.

“You don’t have to come with me,” I mumbled, realizing, yeah, I should probably be the one to tell Mason, instead of letting him find out through Reese.

“Like hell,” he growled. “You and I are in this together. If he has to find out, he finds out from both of us.”

In that moment, I realized how very lucky I was. Not many men would be willing to stand up to a woman’s brother with her. Anyone else probably would’ve let me deal with this by myself.

Secretly glad I’d been with Brandt when this happened, and no one else, I nodded up at him with trusting eyes.

He nodded back. When he opened the door for me and sent me a reassuring smile, I rolled into the hallway and heard him follow behind.

We entered the kitchen seconds later to find Mason sitting at the table with Isabella on one knee and Gracen on the other while Reese grabbed a carton of ice cream from the freezer and carried it to a counter where four empty bowls sat.

“Babe, I told you I’m not hungry. You don’t have to make me a—”

He glanced over when we entered, and his voice died when he saw who was standing behind me.

“Hey, Brandt.” He frowned, obviously confused. “I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t hear anyone at the door this evening.”

Brandt cleared his throat as he moved out from behind my wheelchair to stop at my side. “I didn’t come in through the door.” Calmly he reached down to take my hand. “I climbed in through Sarah’s bedroom window.”

I choked on my surprise, unable to believe he was admitting that.

All the while, Mason zeroed his attention down to where Brandt was holding my hand. When he looked up, he was scowling suspiciously.” Her bedroom window,” he echoed.

When Brandt nodded, Mason narrowed his eyes. “Have you done that a lot?”

“Only a couple times,” Brandt answered. “A week...for the past seven years.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered, closing my eyes and slapping my hand over my face. “You really plan on telling him every single detail, don’t you?”

“Tell me?” Mason repeated, glancing between me and Brandt. “Tell me what?”

“Well...” Brandt blew out a long, slow breath. “Recently, like five days ago—”

“Oh my God,” I squeaked. He was even going to confess what DAY it happened?

Brandt’s fingers tightened reassuringly around mine as he continued, “Sarah and I decided to change...the status of our relationship.”

Mason only wrinkled his brow as if he had no idea what that meant. “The status of your relationship?”

“Honey, you’re repeating everything he says,” Reese murmured.

Her husband swerved his attention to her with a wide-eyed look. “What?”

Without responding to him, she clasped her hands together to her chest and grinned at me, then Brandt. “I for one am very happy for you two. I mean, Brandt...I couldn’t have chosen a better man for our Sarah.”

Mason zipped his gaze between me and Brandt, waiting for an explanation or more likely for one of us to say we were only joking.

“She’s an adult now, Mason,” Brandt said. “She makes her own adult decisions. And you know I love her, and respect her and would give my life to protect her. Please do not tell me you have a problem with this.”

For a moment, Mason appeared to be too stunned to speak. Then he blew out a breath and lifted his hand to rub the center of his forehead. “I just...I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting this. You two have always been close, but you’ve never...I’m just really shocked.” Then he met Brandt’s gaze and asked, “You’re with her exclusively, right?”

Next to me, Brandt bristled. His eyes went hard as all his muscles tensed. I found myself squeezing his hand in the hopes of calming him. But he still sounded pissed as he gritted out, “I can’t believe you seriously thought you had to ask me that.”

Mason let both Isabella and Gracen slide off his lap. As they scampered into their own chairs to eat their ice cream, my brother rose to his feet. Reese skipped to his side and took his hand as if she too felt the need to calm her man.

“You have to admit,” he said, “you’re not exactly known for being a one-woman kind of guy.”

“That was before Sarah,” Brandt said, making my heart nearly leap out of my chest. I looked up at him, sure I was going to wake any second.

He looked down, catching my eye, and his gaze was so somber, I wondered if maybe he was sad because he’d just then realized he’d given up all other women to be with me. But then his face lit with a smile, and there was so much joy and pride in his eyes, I think I died a little from the overwhelming bliss that seized me.

“Well...” Mason cleared his throat, tearing Brandt’s gaze from me. “Not that we all didn’t see this coming for years, but...Jesus, way to spring it on me out of the blue.” He shook his head and sighed. “But all right. I guess I’ll be happy for you two.”

I couldn’t help it. An elated little squeal of relief left my lungs. With a laugh, Brandt swooped down and scooped me into his arms. Then he dragged me out of the chair to spin me in a circle. If my legs could’ve managed such a coordinated move, I would’ve wrapped them around his waist and given him a full body hug, but he didn’t seem disappointed that I couldn’t. His mouth crashed against mine, and we laughed against each other’s lips...until Mason cleared his throat.

“Just don’t break her heart,” he warned. “Or I’ll break you.”

“Deal.” Brandt gently set me back in my chair just as my brother added, “And no sex in my house.”

Brandt’s smile died. He lifted his head to frown at Mason.

Mason shrugged, totally non-repentant. “She’s still my little sister. And I have impressionable two-year-olds running around.”

“Fine,” Brandt mumbled. After easing me back into my chair, he straightened only to announce, “We’re going to go rent a hotel room for the night.”

“Yeah, I don’t even think so,” Mason growled. “You can’t just dump this on me and then sweep her away for...for that.” He shuddered at the very idea. “Go home and come back some other night for a proper date.”

“We’ve already been on a date,” Brandt started, only for my brother to lift his hand, stopping him.

“Then take her on another date. And no more sneaking in through her window either.”

“Oh, come on, man. We’re not hurting anything by—”

When Mason lifted his eyebrows warningly, Brandt shut up, huffing out a disgruntled breath. “Whatever.” He turned to me to give me a reluctant goodbye, only to whisper in my ear, “Twenty minutes. Phone sex.”

I giggled, making Mason narrow his eyes. Brandt ignored him, ruffling the hair of each twin before stamping a goodbye kiss to Reese’s cheek, then he saluted Mason and said, “Warden,” as he strolled from the kitchen and out of my house.

Even though he’d been forced to leave, I couldn’t stop grinning. “Thank you for taking that...as well as you did,” I told my brother.

He sighed. “What could I really do? You are twenty-two. And he’s the only guy I know I can trust with you, so...as long as you’re happy...”

“I am.”

With a nod, his expression softened into a proud smile. “Then I’m happy for you.”

BRANDT

So being cock-blocked by big brother sucked ass, but I liked everything being out in the open now. I liked being certain that Sarah and I were together. Because the entire week before that had scared the bejesus out of me.

I’d left her place Monday morning, feeling better than I’d ever felt, happier, more secure, just...yeah. Life had been perfect...until I’d realized she was avoiding me. And then everything slid downhill from there.

But after last night...last night when I’d finally been able to confront her and set some hard limits between us, I felt better again.

I announced to my family that Sarah and I were together on Saturday morning, and I expected a lot bigger of a response than I got.

“Well, of course you are, dear,” Aspen said, patting my hand with an indulgent smile.

Noel frowned and shook his head. “I’m confused. You’re saying you two weren’t together before?”

I sighed and ground my teeth. “Well, it’s official now. And exclusive,” I felt the need to add since Mason had brought it up.

“And it’s about damn time,” Colton spoke up, meeting my gaze with some reservation. “I’m happy for you.”

Glancing away, I nodded. “Yeah.”

Honestly, it was strange to look any of them in the eye these days. Things had become weird. They treated me as if I was...breakable. I hated that they knew now, and yet these days I was more certain than ever that they loved me no matter what. I just wished we could all relax around each other again. Nothing had gotten stilted and weird between Sarah and me because of it; why did it have to with my family?

I guess that was why Sarah was so important to me.

Even though I wished I could’ve taken her on that second date Saturday evening, I had to work again.

It was karaoke night at Forbidden. Bleh.

But I got to work it with Knox and some other dude who halfway picked up after himself. I was glad I didn’t have to work with Julianna.

She’d stopped asking me about making up our date, so I was pretty sure she’d gotten the hint that it was never going to happen. But a part of me still tensed around her, worried she’d ask again and we’d have to have that talk. Those talks sucked ass, so I usually tried to play our drink-mixing game with her when we worked together to distract her from going there.

I know, I was a fucking coward. But I did like her, which was why I wanted to avoid telling her I didn’t like her in that way.

Happy I didn’t have to worry about any of that tonight, I served a couple college girls I swore I had a class with some margaritas. As they were paying, some guy called my name. I glanced up to find Asher carrying his wife Remy piggyback toward the bar.

“Brandt! How’s it going, man?”

I grinned at the couple as Asher slid Remy off his back to let her sit on a barstool. “Hey, guys. What’re you doing here tonight?”

“My lady felt like singing, so we’re going to get in on a little karaoke action.” Asher looped an arm around Remy’s neck so he could kiss her cheek.

She kissed his cheek right back before offering me a fist bump. “Hey, Bo Bo. Hope your ears are ready for us to sing the house down.”

I shook my head as I knocked my knuckles against hers. “You two crack me up. You’re freaking rock stars and you still come here to sing karaoke? Man...you could charge for that shit, you know?”

Grinning, Asher merely shook his head. “Nah. We’re just having fun. Besides—” He glanced at Remy and shared a meaningful gaze with her. “It’s kind of our thing.”

Damn it. Watching them do that made me miss Sarah.

“Well, hog as much mike time as you can,” I ordered. “So I don’t have to listen to any sucky tone-deaf amateur drunks.”

“We’ll see what we can do.”

After they begged a couple bottles of Angry Orchard from me, they drifted away into the crowd, heading toward the stage.

Business grew busy for a couple minutes, until I turned to the next customer, only to see my boss Pick waiting for my attention.

“What’re you doing here?” I asked, blinking in surprise. “Thought you were on paternity leave with the new baby.”

“I am,” he answered, gazing around the nightclub to peruse his kingdom. “Just popping in a few minutes to check on things.”

I shook my head. He never could stay away for long, the damn workaholic. I knew his family came first to him, but he treated Forbidden like his second family.

“How’s Eva?” I asked.

He finally focused on me. “Wondering why you haven’t come to see her new baby yet, ya slacker.”

“I will!” I argued. “It’s been a crazy, busy week with finals approaching. But I’m sure Sarah and I can stop by tomorrow afternoon and see the kid.”

With a knowing grin, he nodded. “Yeah, I heard about that, too. About time you two finally gave in to it.”

I wasn’t sure how to answer that, so I just shrugged. He laughed at my sudden bashfulness and pointed at me before pushing away from the bar and heading in the direction of his office.

“We’re running low on tequila,” Knox said, bumping my arm to get my attention. “I swear, everyone and their dog are ordering margaritas tonight.”

“Yep.” I’d noticed that too. “I’m on it.” I was about to turn away and make my way to the storage room for more Jose Cuervo when a face through the crowd caught my attention.

“What the hell?” I squinted and waited impatiently until I could see the guy again.

“What?” Knox asked, turning to look in the direction of my stare. But I’d already forgotten about him.

Recognizing Sarah’s date, Seth, I narrowed my eyes. “Oh, this is too good to be true.” Setting a hand on the bar top, I jumped over it, clearing the counter easily.

I’d been looking for this douche for weeks. It was like providence that he showed up on my turf.

“Yo! Gamble!” Knox called after me. “What the hell are you doing?”

I waved at him over my shoulder. “Be right back.” But I didn’t plan on returning anytime soon. I had some ass to kick.

Seth was turned away from me by the time I reached him. He looked to be hanging out with about three other guys as they tried to hit on these two chicks who looked beyond wasted.

“Hey!” I yelled from about ten feet away. “Seth! Remember me?”

Seth and his friends looked over. When his gaze collided with mine, his eyes widened, and I saw his mouth form the words, “Oh, shit.”

Oh, yeah. That’s right, asshole. Piss those panties you were quivering in, cause your grim reaper was here to take you home to Satan.

Immediately lifting his hands as he backed away from me, he cried, “Look, man. I didn’t do anything to her, I swear.”

“Oh, so you didn’t make a bet with your pals here to get two hundred bucks for nailing the cripple?” I asked, advancing on him anyway. “My mistake.”

This time, he—plus a couple of his friends—whimpered, “Oh, shit.”

I swung, and swung hard, putting everything I had into it.

It dropped him flat, a complete knockout the first punch, which pissed me off because I’d wanted to hit him a hell of a lot more than once.

Rounding on Seth’s wide-eyed friends, I demanded, “Which one of you fuckers is Sandman?” He’d been the most persistent douche in the texts Sarah had shown me, pushing Seth into banging her.

When the tallest of the remaining three visibly gasped, I flattened him next. But he didn’t go down, thank goodness. I got in a couple more punches before two of his buddies tried to pull me off.

“Wait your turn,” I snarled at them, shrugging them away like the pesky pecker gnats they were. “I’ll get to you next.”

But I only got in one more punch on Sandman’s bloodied face before I was pulled away, and for good this time.

“Easy, kid,” Knox’s deep voice rumbled in my ear. His large arm banded around my neck, effectively trapping me in a headlock. I growled and tried to pull him forward with me, but we only made it about a foot before both Asher and Remy appeared in front of me, purposely coming between me and the guys I wanted to kill.

“What the hell set off his Mr. Hyde?” Asher asked Knox while Remy took my face in both her hands and gently, but firmly, said, “Hulk, no smash.”

I growled at her but stopped struggling against Knox’s hold.

Unable to let the remaining bastards get away with what they’d done, I glared at them over her shoulder. “Do you shit-faced motherfuckers even care that you ruined her? It took her years to gain what confidence she had only for you assholes to come along and shatter it all because of a stupid fucking bet. I hope you’re proud of being the worthless pathetic losers you are.”

“Okay, okay, what’s going on here?” Pick had finally made it to the scene. Shit, we must’ve made quite a commotion if he’d heard us all the way from his office.

“Seems to be something to do with Sarah,” Asher answered his brother.

“Yeah,” Pick murmured. “That makes sense. Nothing riles the kid up more than someone messing with his girl.” He turned from me to eye the guys I’d been trying my damnedest to annihilate. Sandman was clutching his bloody nose while two of the others were helping a now conscious Seth struggle to his feet.

“All right, fellows,” Pick told them. “Time to move along and get out of my club.”

“What? You’re kicking us out?” one of the douches I hadn’t gotten around to hurting asked incredulously. Then he had the balls to point at me. “He’s the shithead who jumped us. Why does he get to stay?”

I growled and surged toward him, hoping for a chance to mangle his face even a little, but Knox held on to me firmly while Pick seared me with a hard, staying glance. Then he turned back to the others.

“Let me ask you something. You boys do an injustice to a young lady named Sarah?”

The guilt rolling off them was palpable.

Pick nodded as if he expected as much. “You know...Sarah’s sister-in-law is my wife’s cousin,” he went on, making the idiots cringe. “I helped her buy her first car. She calls me Uncle Pick.” He stepped closer to them, narrowing his eyes. “No one fucks with my niece and then tries to drink in my bar. I told you once to leave, now get the fuck out before I set the kid loose on you again.”

This time, no one argued with him. They tripped over each other in their scramble to reach the exit.

“You.” Pick sighed when he took me in. “Into my office. Now.”

“Uh...probably not a good idea,” Knox suggested. “He’s still raging out. I bet he’ll come out swinging as soon as I let him go. But if you don’t mind another wrecked office...”

Closing his eyes briefly, Pick let out a small curse but then nodded. “To the break room, then.”

Knox didn’t let me go, and that made me seethe. I struggled against him and probably would’ve cussed him out for not letting me walk myself back, but Asher and Remy came with us, distracting me by telling me how badass I’d been for taking on four guys at once.

“He was pretty sloppy if you ask me,” Knox grumbled. “You need to turn your whole body into your punches. Don’t throw a knockout every time. Mix it up with some short uppercuts and hooks, and long jabs. And for God’s sake, breathe out when you punch. I swear you held your breath the entire time.”

“Well, excuse me for not training,” I grumbled, shrugging him off as soon as we entered the break room.

Remy patted my shoulder. “I think you did just fine. You totally made all my girly parts tingle.”

Asher hooked an arm around her waist. “Hey, that’s impressive, right there. I’ve been trying to make them tingle all night.”

Ignoring the lovebirds, I swung away and put my fist into a locker. “Why didn’t you let me hit them a little longer?”

Folding his arms over his chest, Knox leaned against the wall. “Too much more and the cops would’ve been called. Not sure we’d have been able to keep you out of trouble if the cops had shown up.”

I growled out a frustrated sound. “Landing in jail would’ve been worth it if they had.” God, I hated that he, and Pick, and Asher were friends with Noel. They all tended to big brother me and protect me. It pissed me off, especially when I wanted to do something stupid and crazy.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone called the police,” Pick answered as he entered the break room. “I’m pretty sure we’re good there, but you still better clear out for the night anyway. You’re too juiced up to deal with customers.”

“I can work for him,” Asher volunteered.

“I don’t—” I started to argue, only to realize I’d been hoping for a night off work all day so I could spend some time with Sarah.

Relaxing, I cleared my throat and rolled my shoulders. “All right. Thanks.”

“And don’t get caught if you try sneaking in her window.” Pick arched a knowing eyebrow. “I hear Mason’s against that idea.”

With a wide grin, I nodded. “I won’t.”

Waving a farewell to the others, I hurried from the break room and then out of the club. I almost hoped Seth and his pals had lingered around outside, but they were long gone.

No matter. I had places to be and my woman probably sitting at home on her bed, all alone.

Eager to see her, I drove to her house faster than I should’ve. But luck was on my side tonight. No one caught me breaking the speed limit.

Once I reached her place, I bypassed the front door and approached her window.

I think it was still cracked open from the last time I’d visited because I could hear Mason’s voice as I drew closer.

Crouching down, I hid just out of sight as he asked, “So...no window visitors tonight?”

Sarah sounded exasperated as she answered, “Do you see him anywhere? Besides, he’s working tonight.”

“Good. There’s no reason he can’t use the damn door from here on out.”

I rolled my eyes because I liked using the window. And I’m pretty sure Sarah liked it too. There was something naughtier about it...and it showed just how willing I always was to see her.

Barely a second after Mason left and closed the door to Sarah’s room, I tapped on the glass.

Then I grinned when Sarah let out a surprised yelp. Her face appeared, and when she saw me, she yanked the frame up.

“Oh my God, you nearly got caught. Mason was just in here, looking for you.”

“I know.” I grinned as I leaped inside. “I saw him. That’s why I waited to knock.” I ran my gaze over her boldly and licked my lips as I hummed deep in my throat. “Nice top. Is that new?”

Her nipples immediately hardened under her shirt, and my dick throbbed with need.

“Yes,” she breathed, shying backward away from me as I prowled closer. “You know, Mason really wants you to only use the front door from here on out.”

I grinned when she finally stopped backing away from me. “Mason’s going to have to learn he can’t always get what he wants.”

She whimpered, obviously as hot and bothered as I was. So I leaned in and tugged on her bottom lip with my teeth.

She gasped but asked, “Are you going to break his no-sex-in-his-house rule, too?”

My gaze went hooded with lust as I chuckled. “What do you think?”

With a shiver, she lovingly traced her finger along the side of my face. “I think I’ll combust if you don’t.”

“Well, we can’t have that.” Reaching out, I slid my own finger down the center of her chest. “I best give my girl what she needs.”

“Yes,” she breathed, straining toward me. “Yes, you better.”

I pounced, kissing her hard, as I pushed her back onto the mattress and spread myself above her.

BRANDT

I had Sarah stripped in seconds, barely stopping myself from shredding her clothes right off her, though I did hear some material rip a little when her panties tried to resist me.

Poor, misinformed panties. Didn’t they know I meant their owner only pleasure? I shoved them in my pocket to teach them a lesson later by, you know, draping them over my face and smelling Sarah on the cloth the next time I couldn’t see her and was forced to jack off instead.

She kept trying to touch me, grab my hair, sink her fingers into the muscles of my back. I knew I should let her, but I was still too afraid of what might happen if I did. And tonight...tonight I was too needy and desperate to get inside her to worry about all that other shit.

Grabbing her wrists, I trapped them above her head, growling, “Woman, don’t make me tie you.”

Instead of getting mad, which was kind of what I expected, Sarah gave an interested shiver. “Do you..want to?” she asked, her blue eyes wide with curiosity.

And...I almost came in my fucking jeans.

I stared down at her, debating...should I...before I slowly asked, “Do you want me to?”

“I...” Shy hesitancy entered her gaze, followed by eager interest before she bit her lip and nodded. “Yes. I want to know what it’s like.”

“Holy fuck,” I breathed before glancing around the room in search of...props. “Do you, uh, do you have any scarves or belts or anything?”

“Belts,” she answered. “In the closet.”

I drew in a deep breath to control my libido. Then I jumped off the bed and ransacked her closet, finding three belts.

That’d do just fine.

As I returned to her, running the leather bands between my hands, her eyes widened. “Three?”

I nodded, feeling a wolfish grin coming on. “Three.”

“I...you...okay.”

“You trust me, right?” I asked, crawling knees first onto the bed.

She nodded, her eyes full of all the faith I was asking for. “I do,” she whispered.

“Good.” I grasped one of her ankles and slowly tugged her closer to me. “Because you can...with your life. And if at any time I do anything that doesn’t feel orgasmically amazing, you just tell me to stop, and I will.”

“Okay.”

She watched me, panting and aroused, her cheeks flushed and eyes glazed.

I loved that she wanted to try this. Keeping my gaze on her because watching her expression was sexier than seeing her tied, I helped her bend her leg until the heel of her foot pressed against her ass. Then I banded the belt around her so she couldn’t straighten her knee. After tying the other leg in the same way, I had her cross her arms over her chest so I could fasten the last belt around her torso, keeping her from using her arms.

After I was finished, I sat back and studied my work. “Jesus,” I murmured, wiping my mouth as my body raged to dive into her. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

Silently, she let her thighs fall open, inviting me to do exactly what I wanted.

Groaning her name, I leaned in and pressed my mouth to her pussy, diving my tongue in and eating her mercilessly. Whimpering, she strained against her bonds, making me harder in my pants as I licked up to her clit. When she gasped, I thrust a finger inside her.

“Oh, God! Brandt.”

Her moan was low and tortured. She was already close.

Curious to see how fast I could make her—

Shit! She released with a gasp before biting her lip and filling my mouth with her flavor.

“Oh my God,” she panted, staring up at the ceiling as I sat up and wiped the back of my hand over my mouth. “Oh my God.”

Grinning, I stripped out of my clothes and suited up. “I like how religious I make you when you come.”

She shifted her dazed gaze to me just in time to watch me roll on a condom. “Mother Mary,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I don’t think I can come again. That was so hard and so—”

Pressing my fingers to her lips, I silenced her. “Just for that, I’m making you come harder this next time.”

Catching her pinned knees in my hands, I spread her wide and pushed inside. She moaned and writhed under me, her eyes rolling up into her head as her body took every inch.

Once I was all the way in, I paused to watch her face.

“Oh, Jesus. Oh, God,” she panted, still shaking her head and thinking she couldn’t take any more.

So I pulled out and hammered back in, laughing when she bowed up her back and met my thrust as hard as she could. “That’s it,” I encouraged her. “Fuck me back, baby. Take it and demand more.”

One powerful blow after another, I just kept spiking as deep and as hard as I could go.

“Brandt,” she gasped, “Brandt!” Her body tensed and I knew she was there. So close. Just a little bit...more.

“You are so fucking amazing,” I gritted out as I went faster, losing all my finesse in my rush to keep up with her. “Best. Fucking. Sex. Ever.”

Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and tightened around me. I grunted and then had to bury my face into the pillow next to her cheek to keep from shouting as I let go inside her, coming so long I might’ve even blacked out a second in there.

I didn’t realize I’d collapsed on top of her until she squirmed under me.

“Wha...?” I opened dazed eyes only to slur, “Shit, sorry.”

Rolling onto my back beside her, I blew out a breath and stared up at the ceiling in shock. “Holy...fuck,” I finally gasped. That had been...yeah. My brain was still too rattled to properly process how amazing that had been.

With my body still buzzing from the orgasm she’d given me, I lolled my head on the pillow to grin lazily at her. A sheen of sweat on her face gave her a healthy glow and caused a couple tendrils of hair to cling to her cheeks as she turned her head to smile back at me. My chest constricted with emotion.

“Hey,” I whispered.

She laughed, and her blush bloomed brighter. “Hey, yourself.”

Unable to not touch her, I reached out and lightly ran the backs of my fingers down the outside of her arm. “Have I told you how glad I am that you talked me into changing our relationship?”

Another laugh left her. “Your appreciation was implied.” When her eyebrows pinched into a frown, I realized she was trying to remove the belts.

“Oh, sorry.” I sat upright and reached for the buckle. “Let me.”

Her hands fell away as she allowed me to take off the bonds. When I noticed a red mark on her arm after I removed the first one, I sucked in a breath and kissed it before meeting her gaze. “Does it hurt?”

Smiling, she closed her eyes and shook her head. “Not even a little. Mmm...but feel free to kiss the marks anyway”

I pressed my lips to the already fading abrasion again, and she softly petted my hair. “I love you, Brandt.”

I grinned and licked the skin. “I love you, too.” My body responded to how she sighed and shifted under me while I kissed every bound inch of flesh I emancipated. By the time I reached the last belt, I was hard again, and so hungry my mouth was already watering to taste her pussy.

“So would you be opposed to a round two?” I asked as I released the last buckle.

In answer, Sarah gasped and bowed her back up, her body going rigid before it began to shake erratically, her head tossing fitfully back and forth on the pillow.

“Sarah?” My gaze flew to her face, and the breath stalled in my lungs. “Shit!”

I’d been with her when she’d had a seizure before. But it’d been a while, and for a moment, panic clouded my head. Fear froze my lungs, and lack of oxygen grayed my vision.

But then my mental checklist kicked in. I blew out a steadying breath before scanning her surroundings to make sure nothing nearby could endanger her. Her head was already propped up by her pillow, her clothes were gone, unable to constrict her, and there didn’t seem to be anything close to hurt herself on, except maybe me. I scooted to the edge of the mattress and glanced at the clock to time her.

Hating this shit, I ran my hands over my face, prayed it ended quickly. It always felt like I should do something. But I knew the best help was to stay back and let her work through it, making sure she couldn’t hurt herself in the process. With cold, shaking hands, I slid off the bed and jerked on my clothes. About thirty seconds had passed by the time I was fully dressed.

Sarah still seemed safely positioned on the bed, her body seizing with the most painful-looking, jarring shudders. I cursed under my breath and paced the floor. Three minutes later, the convulsions subsided.

“Thank God.” My voice was hoarse as I rushed to the bed and sat beside her. But as soon as I touched her arm, she started again, the tremors even worse this time around.

“Sarah?” I tightened my grip on her arm. More than one seizure in a row was bad. So I panicked. “Baby?”

She didn’t answer, still seizing out of control. “Shit!”

This time, I didn’t even wait a minute before yelling, “Mason!” at the top of my lungs while I dug my phone from my pocket and dialed 911.

Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

BRANDT

I sat slumped in the chair next to Mason, elbows on my knees and face in my hands.

Sarah’s brother was silent as a tomb as he tapped his fingers against his thigh, watching every orderly who passed by the hospital’s waiting room, where we fucking sat...and waited.

We’d ridden to the hospital together, following the ambulance, and Mason had grilled me about everything that had happened. I’d been so scared and numbed with shock I’d blurted out all of it. Even the belts part.

Clenching the steering wheel, he’d gritted out, “You stupid fucking idiot. If she dies tonight, I’ll kill you.”

And he hadn’t spoken to me since.

Closing my eyes and trying to breathe through the fear, I didn’t bother telling him he needn’t bother. If Sarah died, I’d take myself out.

All the oxygen in my lungs rushed from me in a petrified shudder.

Jesus, she’d better not die. I wouldn’t survive it.

When footsteps clattered into the room, I looked up only to find Reese rushing inside. She’d had to stay back with the kids and wait for Pick to show up and babysit.

“Anything?” she asked breathlessly, darting her gaze between me and Mason.

Mason sprang from his chair. “No. Not yet.” He yanked her against his chest and hugged her hard, burying his face in her hair.

I had to look away, because I needed Sarah here to hug and reassure me.

Pain passed through my abdomen, making me double over and hug my stomach. But I kept sitting there, repressing the urge to slam my fists into the closest wall or break down into tears.

I’m not sure how long I’d sat there, just holding it all in, when someone said, “Brandt?”

I looked up to find Noel, Colton and Ten slowly approaching, looking wary and cautious.

Blinking, I shook my head, confused. “What’re you guys doing here?”

“Pick called,” Noel explained as he sat next to me. “We’re here for you. How’s she doing? Have you heard anything yet?”

I shook my head and glanced around for Mason and Reese, but they were no longer in the room. Worried I’d missed something, I jerked to my feet, but Colton caught my arm.

“They’re in the hallway,” he murmured, the warning in his gaze telling me not to go near them.

“And Lowe seems pissed,” Ten added. “At you.”

“What happened?” Noel asked, rising back to his feet after me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block the memory of Sarah convulsing on her bed. “We had sex,” I whispered.

“But...I thought you two had already—”

“It was kinkier this time,” I bit out, glaring at Colton until he clamped his mouth shut. Then my shoulder collapsed as the grief gripped me all over again. “She, uh, the seizures started as soon as I untied her.”

All three of my brothers winced.

“Damn,” Ten murmured.

I pierced him with a harsh glance, prepared for one of his inappropriate, asinine comments, so I could punch him into next week. I actually craved it; I wanted to hit something so bad. But he only sent me a sympathetic cringe, and I was tempted to jack him in the jaw anyway, just to relieve some of the agony.

In the hall, I heard someone say, “Sarah Arnosta’s family,” and I lurched that way, desperate to hear good news.

By the time I made it into the hall, Noel, Ten and Colton piling after me, the doctor was already speaking to Mason and Reese. “...appears to have been the result of a stroke.”

A stroke?

I choked on my shock, and my knees buckled underneath me. The only reason I didn’t go down was because one of my brothers latched his hand around my arm, supporting me. But it still felt as if I fell into a huge, harrowing abyss. The air sucked from my lungs as black spots dotted my vision.

All the while, the doctor kept talking, explaining that the damage had happened to the weaker side of Sarah’s brain. She was no longer hemorrhaging, and the only thing they were worried about at the moment was her eyesight and maybe some paralysis on her left side.

I bowed my head, trying to breathe normally and failing until the doctor said he’d have a nurse return with more news as soon as Sarah was moved to a patient room. As his footsteps faded away, I looked up, seeking out Mason. He looked as white as a sheet. I had a feeling I hadn’t fared the doctor’s diagnosis any better.

Sarah had had a stroke.

And it was my fault.

“Mason,” I croaked, reaching for his arm. “Jesus, God. I’m sorry. I’m so—”

“Don’t.” He shoved my hand before I made contact. The glare he sent me caused a sob to claw its way out of my throat. “Don’t even talk to me. Just...get out of my face.”

“But...” I opened my mouth to beg mercy, except I knew I didn’t deserve any. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness. I didn’t deserve to fucking live.

I’d caused my favorite person on earth to have a stroke. I could’ve killed her.

“Get him away from me,” Mason growled to Noel. “And keep him away from my sister.”

“Come on, Brandt,” Noel murmured sadly, reaching for my arm.

I pulled out of his grip. “No.” I wasn’t leaving. I couldn’t leave until I was with Sarah again.

“Brandt,” my brother said a little more firmly. “Let’s go.” When he reached for me again, I dodged him.

“I have to see Sarah.” I had to see her right then. I was beginning to feel panicked and unsteady, and no one calmed me like Sarah.

Sarah would make this better.

Dodging my brothers and even Mason, I raced down the hall, with no idea where I was going. I sprinted in the direction the doctor had gone, bursting through one door I was sure I wasn’t supposed to go beyond.

Some hospital-type person yelled after me, but I kept running, breathing hard, heart racing, palms sweating. I needed to be with Sarah.

When I barely caught sight of the doctor who’d just talked to Mason and Reese, I darted after him just as he tugged aside a curtain to check on the patient behind it. When I drew close enough to see that it was her, I jarred to a halt, gasping.

She was so still and lifeless on the bed, pale and small, with all kinds of wires connected to her. Her heart monitor beeped out a steady rhythm, telling me she was alive, but she was far from okay.

Choking out the sob that tore from my throat, I collapsed to my knees, unable to take my eyes off the woman I’d just destroyed.

“Oh, God.”

Tears pricked my eyes. Shudders wracked my body. I went cold and numb, dying a little more each second I watched her.

“No, it’s okay,” I vaguely heard someone say, just before a hand gently gripped my shoulder. “We’re his brothers. We’ve got him. We’ll get him out of here.”

But I shook my head. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave her. I needed her.

“Brandt.” Noel’s voice in my ear broke me. I wilted, covering my face with my hands, and wept.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Sarah...”

I was lifted and forced to walk. Not sure where they took me. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

BRANDT

I guess my brothers took me home. The next conscious thing I remembered was sitting in my chair at the kitchen table as my family paced around me. Aspen and Caroline had joined Noel, Ten, and Colton. Their children were absent.

“Are you sure sex can even cause a stroke?” Aspen ranted as she picked up her smartphone. “I’m googling it.” Thirty seconds later, her face paled and she gulped. “Oh,” she mumbled before quickly setting her phone face down on the kitchen counter next to her.

“Babe.” Noel tugged her against his chest. “Not helping.”

“I know.” She winced and bit her lip before glancing at me. “They say sex-triggered strokes are really rare if that makes you feel any better.”

I scowled. “Not even a little.”

“This was not your fault, bubba,” Caroline insisted, appearing in my face.

I turned away, not ready for anyone to get that close to me.

“Do all of you really need to hover like this?”

“Yep.” Ten fell into the seat next to me and took a bite from a cookie he stole from the middle of the table. “Makes us feel useful.”

“Well, you’re being a pain in the ass,” I growled.

He lifted his eyebrows. “A useful pain in the ass?”

“Get the fuck away from me!” I kicked his chair, shoving it—with him on it—halfway across the kitchen.

“Fuck!” he yelped before popping to his feet and lifting his hands in surrender. “Fine. I’ll stay over here. Jesus.”

I narrowed my eyes at him before returning my stewing stare to the top of the table. “Pain in the fucking ass.”

“And we love you too.” When Ten blew me a kiss, I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face.

“Even if the sex did cause it,” Colton said from the counter where he was sitting next to the sink and swinging his legs. “How the hell were you supposed to know that’d happen? Mason totally can’t blame you for this.”

“The fuck if he can’t. I sure as hell blame me.”

“Brandt,” Noel started with a sigh as if he was going to refute everything I’d just said. But then he shook his head, obviously clueless about how to handle this. “Jesus, I don’t even know.”

My chin quivered, and I realized I was a second away from bursting into another round of tears. I had no idea what my problem was. I think I’d cried more lately than I had in my entire life put together. Something was seriously fucking wrong with me.

“What’re you doing here?” Noel said to someone new who entered the kitchen.

I looked up, blinking when I saw Mason in front of me. Certain I was seeing things, I shook my head. Then it struck me. There could only be only one reason he would come here.

Something was wrong with Sarah.

“Oh God.” I tried to fumble my way to my feet but my shoe got caught in the leg of the chair. “What happened?”

He grabbed two handfuls of the front of my shirt and hauled me out of my chair. “I’m trying to find out what the hell you’re doing here. Why aren’t you at the hospital?”

I paused at the question and had to reach out and brace my hand against the table before falling flat on my face. “Y-you told me to leave.”

“Yeah, well, screw what I want. Sarah’s been asking for you, so you better get your ass back there.”

“She...” My head went woozy from lack of oxygen. I sucked in a quick breath before asking, “She’s awake?”

Mason gaped at me as if I was a moron. “Of course, she’s awake. What’d you think? She was in a coma or something?”

“Yeah, only cool people like me fall into comas.” Ten nodded knowingly.

“Excuse me?” Mason whirled to pierce him with a glare.

He lifted his hands. “Hey, sorry. No offense. I’m just overly giddy not to be the one nailing the little sister this time around.”

“Well, it wasn’t funny.”

“Really? I thought it was pretty damn cute myself. Maybe a little inappropriate, but—”

He never got to finish his sentence because Mason’s fist swung out and cracked him hard in the jaw.

“Ouch! Fuck!” Gripping his jaw, Ten danced away before shaking it off. “Dude.”

Mason kept his hands curled into fists as he glared. “Sarah almost died, and you’re cracking jokes? Really?”

“Damn, I was just trying to help relieve a little tension.” Turning to Caroline for sympathy, he murmured, “I totally should’ve seen that one coming, huh?”

Prodding his tender jaw and making him wince, she nodded. “Probably.”

Still seething, Mason whirled toward me. I ducked away, thinking he’d go after me next. I was really the only person in the room who deserved a fat lip. But all he did was narrow his eyes and mutter, “Well? Get your ass cleaned up and let’s go already.”

So I got my ass cleaned up. I would’ve gone straight to Sarah first, but everyone insisted I’d freak her out if I went in looking the way I did. I had no idea what they were talking about until I stepped into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. My clothes were rumpled badly as if I’d slept in them, and even the cloth was torn in the neckline of my shirt. I wasn’t sure how that had happened; it wasn’t as if I’d gotten into a struggle with anyone.

Or had I?

I guess there’d been a while there where I’d blacked out, and I didn’t remember what had happened or how I’d made it home from the hospital.

My face was the scariest sight, though. It was pale white with red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes and a red nose. I splashed water onto my cheeks, then rushed to put on a new shirt. Mason waited for me as if he thought I’d flake out on him. I have no idea why; with Sarah was the only place I wanted to be.

But then we made it to the hospital, and suddenly, the nerves set in.

Earlier, they hadn’t been able to keep me away from her. I’d needed her that bad. But now...now, she needed me. And that petrified me. She was the emotionally strong one, not me. How the hell was I supposed to support her when I just wanted to fall apart?

The closer we got to her room, the more terrified I became. If she’d been asking for me that meant she probably didn’t blame me. But I blamed myself, and I wasn’t sure how to face her without bawling through an apology...which was probably the last thing she needed.

God, how was I going to do this?

Mason held back after he pointed out her room. I glanced at him, uncertain, but he waved me forward with a frown. So, gulping, I turned and moved forward.

The door stood open. When I stepped in front of it, I slowed to a stop, unable to enter. Inside the dim room, I instantly made out Knox and Felicity standing on one side of the bed while Asher and Remy stood on the other side. Damn, what time was it? It had to be after two in the morning and the bar was closed if they were here and off work.

I waited through another inhale and exhale before I took in the vision on the bed lying under a layer of white sheets.

Oh, God.

Relief rushed through me when I saw her sitting upright. A clear oxygen tube ran directly under her nose and an IV was plugged into her arm, but other than that, she looked healthy. Alive. Tired but otherwise okay. She had color and was smiling sleepily as she answered something Felicity had just said to her.

As if feeling my presence, she glanced toward the doorway.

My heart thumped hard. I swallowed.

“Hey,” I said softly. One heavy step after another, I drifted toward her. When I reached her side, I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the center of her forehead.

The sadness in her eyes as I pulled away almost did me in.

Feeling like the lamest of lame, I asked, “How’re you feeling?”

She shrugged shakily. “Okay. It was a mild stroke so...there was very little damage.”

I nodded, unable to speak. Little damage meant something had still been damaged. I didn’t care if it was a little or a lot, any damage was more than there should’ve been.

“What...what...?” I tried to ask but ended up being unable to finish the question. I was too scared to learn what I’d damaged.

Around me, the other two couples shifted toward the exit, Asher squeezing my shoulder supportively before they were gone. I watched them go and then turned back to Sarah.

“It’s really not that bad,” she reassured me. “Right now, there’s just a dull headache and some numbness and rigidity in this arm and leg. But the good news is it won’t spasm as much anymore.”

She grinned, but her eyes looked too bruised for me to find anything positive from what she’d just said.

Sinking into the chair next to her, I buried my face in my hands. “So, so there’s no way you’ll ever be able to walk now?”

“Brandt,” she said softly, shaking her head as sympathy filled her blue eyes. “You and I both know that was never going to happen, anyway.”

“Yeah, but you’d been working at it for years, and you were getting better. Now, even the dream of it is dead. I ruined—” My chest heaved and tears threatened. Damn it, I was going to lose it in front of her. I refused to lose it in front of her. “Jesus.” I ran my fingers up into my hair and clutched two handfuls hard by the roots.

I’d killed one of her dreams.

Shaking her head, Sarah whispered, “Oh my God.” Tears filled her eyes. “You’re never going to touch me again, are you?”

I glanced away as pain clawed at my heart. “Sarah...”

“No.” She reached for me, gripping my arm. “Don’t do this, Brandt. Please. Please.... You have to know this was just a horrible coincidence that it happened when it did.”

I sucked in a deep breath. “It wasn’t a coincidence.”

“It could’ve been.”

“No!” I surged to my feet, breathing hard. “I almost killed you, and that’s...that’s not acceptable. Oh my God.” I spun away to pace her room. “If I’d waited any longer to get you help, you...you might not be here right now.”

“So, see,” she reached for me again. “You saved me. You didn’t hurt me. You’d never hurt me. Brandt, please, I’m begging you. Don’t take the blame for this. Please don’t stop what we just started because you’re scared. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’ll never lose me.” I brought her knuckles to my mouth and kissed them. “You’ll always be my best friend. Nothing could change that.”

Closing her eyes, she cried even harder. “I don’t want to be just your friend any longer.”

“And I don’t want to kill you,” I whispered.

Tears ran down her cheeks. Each and every one of them slayed me, but I just stood there, refusing to tell her we would carry on as if nothing had happened. There was no way in hell I’d ever touch her sexually again, not as long as it put her life at risk.

“What about you and me being together permanently?” she asked, sniffing at her tears. “Being clingy, and possessive and jealous? You can’t make a promise like that to me and then just take it back.”

“I can if it puts you in danger. My first instinct toward you is protection, and I will keep you safe, no matter what it takes.”

Growling out a frustrated sound, she squeezed my hand harder. “God, you’re so stubborn. Why can’t your first stupid instinct be to love me? Just...love me.”

“I do,” I swore to her. “I love you with everything I have, and I always will. But I will not lose you. I can’t.” This time, the mere threat of tears was no more. They became real as they spilled down my cheeks, each one crying out for me to take her into my arms and just hold her.

Except that was what had started this.

Pulling my hand forcefully out of hers, I choked out, “If keeping my hands off you is the only way to keep you in my life, then that’s what I’ll do.”

She stared at me, all the pain and grief in her soul shimmering in her eyes. “Don’t do something stupid,” she said.

I had no idea what she meant, but I wiped the wetness from my cheeks. “I won’t.”

She didn’t seem to believe me. She reached out again. “Brandt, I’m serious. Don’t—”

Lifting my hands, I backed away some more. “I can’t do this,” I rasped. “I can’t...I’ll be back later. I swear, I love you, but I can’t...I’ll be back.”

Whirling away, I rushed from her hospital room. I felt like the biggest, most worthless coward on the planet, but I just couldn’t stay.

I’d failed my girl in every way possible.

BRANDT

I was going to do something stupid.

Drinking myself blind sounded like the plan of the century. And wasn’t it a lucky coincidence I worked in a bar?

As soon as they announced last call, kicked out the lingering few stragglers, and locked the front doors of Forbidden, I dug up an old bottle of the cheapest bourbon I could find in the back of the stash—something Pick wouldn’t notice missing—and cracked it open before pouring myself a liberal amount into a tumbler.

Shooting the whole thing straight, I hissed through the tongues of fire that lapped up the insides of my throat and ground my teeth as my eyes watered. God, that was some rough shit.

I poured myself another glass. Swallowing that one down, I vaguely realized I should probably care that I wasn’t helping the others with cleanup, but sadly, I was unable to give a single fuck.

“Well, that’s not a very original concoction,” a familiar voice said from behind me, making me jump.

I spun around and winced when I came face-to-face with Julianna. “What?”

She pulled back when she looked into my eyes. Then with a sad, disappointed kind of sigh, she grabbed my arm. “Come on,” she said, dragging me from behind the counter and into the hall toward the back.

Shit. This was going to be bad. I think I’d basically ignored her all night. I wasn’t sure. My head was a fucking mess these days. But she looked pissed.

Deciding this could only be about one thing, I said, “Look,” as she pulled me into the back break room and shut the door. I lifted my hands. “I know I never rescheduled our date, and I’m sorry. I—”

“Oh, honey,” she broke in, letting go of my arm so she could cross hers over her chest and cock her hip in that irritated female way. “Don’t even worry about that. That ship has long since sailed.”

I lifted my eyebrows, surprised. “It has?”

Thank God. We didn’t have to have the talk then.

“Yes. Now talk,” she commanded.

Talk? My brow knit as I blinked. What the hell was I supposed to talk about if we were no longer an issue?

Juli let out that disappointed sigh again. She dropped her arms, which exposed her chest, showing off how tight and short her shirt was. For some reason, I focused on the dark slip of skin flashing at the bottom where her top didn’t quite meet up with her jeans, and panic lit my bones.

It made me think of Sarah.

Visiting my girl every day was killing me in slow, agonizing mini-deaths with every breath I took. The urge to kiss her, touch her arm, smell her hair was present each second.

So far, I’d resisted, being the good and honorable friend I was determined to be. But then she’d been discharged from the hospital earlier today, and the moment I’d stepped foot in her bedroom when we brought her home, I’d been bombarded with memories of being inside her, tasting her, watching her come.

And then seeing her spasm out of control.

Cold sweat stole up the back of my neck.

Sarah was still weak and recovering, so it wasn’t like I would’ve jumped her bones even if I hadn’t made a pact with myself to never fuck her again. But knowing I couldn’t—ever—was getting to me. And the more it got to me, the guiltier I felt for even wanting it.

I needed something to prove to myself that I could return to the way things had been before, back when I was sixteen and crushing on Sarah from afar while having brief, meaningless flings with women who didn’t matter.

I would return to being nothing but her friend. I would! And if the only way to convince myself I could get that done was going to other women, then so be it.

Except Julianna was standing right in front of me, beautiful and available, and I just wanted to run.

“What’s going on with you, Brandt?” She stepped closer and touched my elbow. “You’ve been off all night. All week, really.” Her fingers were light and warm. Compassionate. And she smelled good. It’d be so easy to dip my face and ease closer, bury my nose in her neck and let her comfort me.

I shied back, swallowing hard.

“I’m fine,” I murmured, backing away toward the couch. “I just...it’s been a shitty week for me, is all.” I slumped down onto the cushions and rested my elbows on my knees.

This was bad. If I couldn’t even summon the willpower to seduce Julianna, then how the hell was I going to prove to myself I could stay away from Sarah?

“Fuck,” I muttered, scrubbing my face. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Aww, baby.” Juli sat next to me. “You are so far from fine it’s ridiculous.” She smoothed her fingers over my hair. It felt nice and yet wrong. I closed my eyes, fighting the urge not to recoil. “Now, talk to me.”

I shook my head, declining her offer. But then I blurted out, “I can’t have sex with you.”

Worst case of unexpected word vomit ever.

I hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t realized I was going to until it was already out there. I hadn’t even meant it as a brush-off. It’d been more of an admittance of failure, because physically, I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with Juli, with anyone really but Sarah, and I definitely wasn’t going to have sex with her.

Shocked by my own mouth, I glanced at her, hoping I hadn’t offended her too badly.

But she only laughed. “Trust me, I wasn’t offering.” When I just watched her, she wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “What? Would you sleep with someone when it’s obvious he’s in love with another woman? Because I know you’re hung up on your friend Sarah, and don’t you be trying to convince me otherwise.”

“I...” Deflated, I gripped my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t lie and tell her she was wrong. I was tired of lying, trying to convince myself I could settle for just being Sarah’s friend.

“So, what am I supposed to do,” I muttered, “when I can’t have her?”

Groaning out a sigh, Julianna looked at me as if I were hopeless. Which I was.

She set her hand on my back. “Have you actually tried telling her how you feel about her?”

The laugh I gave her was hard and almost ended in tears. “Oh, we’ve been there, trust me. Not only have I told her, but we’ve even had sex together...which ended in her having a stroke and pretty much paralyzing her entire left side.”

Hell, I couldn’t believe I’d just told her all that. But honestly, it felt good to get this shit out of my system. Everyone else I knew was already friends with Sarah, so they knew all the details. It was nice to talk to someone a little more impartial about what was going on. And I’d gotten to know Julianna enough I felt I could confide in her.

She gasped and covered her mouth with both hands. “God, Brandt. I am so sorry.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, numb to all the sympathy. “So you can imagine why I’d die before I ever touched her again.” My shoulders wilted in around me. “I almost fucking killed her.”

“Are you sure—”

“Yes!” I yelled. “I’m sure. The seizure started before we even put our clothes back on. God.” Hugging myself, I rocked back and forth. The only thing I could see when I closed my eyes was her writhing out of control. “We’re going to have to go back to just being friends,” I chanted to myself, “because I can’t do this. I can’t put her life at risk this way. I have to keep my hands off her.”

Julianna was silent as she rubbed my back.

I focused on breathing through my nose so I didn’t lose my cool more than I already was. I’d been on the verge of breaking down all week. I could hold it together. I had to hold it together.

“I even thought I could convince myself I could...you know, move past her if I...if I...with other women. But—”

“You can’t,” Juli stated baldly, shattering all the hope I’d ever fostered of her saving me from my Sarah dilemma. “I can see it on your face; you don’t want to move past her.”

“Okay, fine,” I growled, gripping my hair. “I don’t. But that solves nothing. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

With a sad smile, Juli asked, “How much do you love her?”

My laugh was dry and unamused as I admitted, “She’s my entire life.”

She nodded as if she suspected as much. “Then, honey, you already know what you have to do.”

Shit.

I did.

I couldn’t stop loving Sarah. Once we’d become a couple, that was it. I was in that relationship for life. And I’d just proven I couldn’t bring myself to go to other women for sex. I couldn’t stomach being with anyone but Sarah.

Which only left...

“Oh, Jesus,” I breathed, feeling doomed. “I’m never having sex again in my life, am I?”

Panic consumed me as I met Juli’s sympathetic gaze. “If you think she’s worth it,” she murmured softly.

“Fuck, yes, she’s worth it, but...damn.”

My poor cock. I whimpered and set my hands against my lap, cradling the part of my body that was about to become sorely neglected for the rest of my doomed life. I really hoped the theory that jacking off too many times could make a man go blind was a myth, because I was about to test it out.

But like I’d said, it was worth it.

Sarah was worth a lifetime of abstinence.

Blowing out a breath with new resolve, I glanced at Juli and said, “I can do this.”

And I would.

For Sarah.

SARAH

Life post-stroke was...different.

The sensation of touch had declined significantly in my left hand. I could no longer grip with it, and my left leg was pretty much worthless. It felt funny to pee now, too, because my left butt cheek went numb a lot.

Swallowing had also become a little more difficult. The first time I spit up my food after a meal, I hid it from Reese and Mason so they wouldn’t know. Everyone hated how much I’d suffered, so I kept as much as I could under tabs so as not to distress them. I just...chewed a lot more before swallowing, and I had more shakes and smoothies.

I got more headaches and grew tired easier, but at least it hadn’t impaired my thinking. The one thing I’d always been most grateful for was the continued ability to reason.

I considered myself lucky.

But all the physical side effects seemed minor compared to how it changed my relationship with...everyone. Mason used to be the only family member who worried overmuch about me, and Reese would usually talk him down and relax him into letting me do something that might be even remotely dangerous. But now...Reese was just as bad as he was. They scolded the twins any time Issa or Gray tried to climb into my lap.

Brandt’s behavior was the worst, though. About a day after I came home from the hospital, he came to visit me, apologizing and telling me he was sorry for pushing me away. He told me he couldn’t just be my friend any longer and wanted to remain my boyfriend.

It had sounded good at first, too good to be true. He’d finally come around, and life could return to normal, right?

Not even close.

I swear he touched me less now than he had when he was fifteen.

He continued to tell me he loved me, and he kept me company and catered to me, giving me everything he thought I needed. But I knew...there would never be anything sexual between us again. I’d even tried giving him a hand job. The idiot had only squeezed my fingers before kissing them and telling me not to worry about it.

But how could I not worry? He was a twenty-two-year-old, virile man who’d been sexually active since he was sixteen years old. He couldn’t just go cold turkey until he died. I didn’t want that for him. How could he want it for himself?

I could tell he was already feeling the tension too. The man needed sex...eventually. He wasn’t a monk, and he couldn’t kiss around and hug on me much longer without needing a release somehow. If he kept denying himself, he was only going to grow to resent me, and maybe even cheat on me.

Okay, I doubted he’d get to that point. He’d leave before—

But I didn’t want him to leave me, either. I wanted a happy, well-adjusted boyfriend. He’d stayed with me through my condition, through my stroke, through all my self-doubts and fears. I wanted to give something back.

I just didn’t know what yet.

Sighing, I glanced at the clock on the wall before turning to my brother. “How long have we been waiting already?”

He scrubbed his face and groaned. “Almost an hour. You doing okay? Do you need anything?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Thanks. I just...I’m ready to get this appointment over with.” I was tired of doctors and doctors’ offices in general.

This was my two-week post-stroke appointment. And aside from the little minor problems that might all go away over time, I felt fine. I didn’t want to get poked and prodded and do a bunch of tests to tell me what I already knew.

“You and me both, kiddo.” Mason patted my knee just as a nurse stepped into the waiting room to call my name.

Breathing out my relief, I let Mason roll my chair into the office the nurse directed us to. It took both of them helping me to my feet to get me weighed. Then came my blood pressure, temperature, blood sample. I sat stoically as she did her thing and answered in one-word sentences when she asked her list of questions.

Then she smiled at us and told us the doctor would be right with us before she left the room.

Mason tapped my knee as soon as she was gone. “Hey? You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” I started to say, only to scowl when he kept watching me with those worried blue eyes. So I changed my mind and went honest. “I’m sad, okay. I’m sad and mad that everyone is treating me like a freaking delicate flower. I hate it, and I wish everything could go back to the way it was before. But yes, physically I’m fine.”

Then I groaned and closed my eyes when I realized just how bitchy I’d been to him. “Sorry, I just—”

“No, you’re right,” Mason murmured. “We’re...we’ve all been walking around on pins and needles. That’s true. But you scared the crap out of us, kiddo. The idea of losing you rattled every single one of us. I’m sorry if it’s driving you crazy, but with some time, we’ll eventually bounce back into shape. We won’t be like this forever. I swear.”

I glanced at him, my gaze imploring. “Even Brandt?”

He sighed, and his muscles tensed. But then he nodded. “Even Brandt.”

“You’re still mad at him, aren’t you?”

Jaw tense, he shook his head and studied his hands before diplomatically answering, “I’m not happy with him, but...I know what he means to you, and I know he’d never purposely hurt you, so...I’m dealing with it.”

“I don’t think he’s ever going to touch me again,” I admitted glumly.

Mason, however, smiled. “Good.”

I frowned at him, about to tell him, no...not good, but the door opened and Dr. O’Hearn entered the room....followed by the nurse, plus a complete stranger.

“Miss Arnosta,” he greeted, holding out his hand to shake with me before turning to Mason to greet him. “Mr. Lowe.” Then he motioned to the others. “This is my consultant, Dr. Theler, and of course you know Sheila.”

My gaze darted between the three before I turned my confused gaze to Mason. He looked just as stumped as I felt.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

While Sheila and Dr. Theler stayed back by the door, Dr. O’Hearn sighed and clasped his clipboard to his waist as he hiked himself up to sit partially on the counter so he could face us.

“Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” he started and then winced. “But...”

My stomach dropped to my knees.

Bad news? How could there be more bad news? Hadn’t I already been through enough?

“There’s been a mistake in the recent antispasmodic medication you were prescribed,” he finished.

I released a breath, thinking that wasn’t as bad as I’d originally feared.

But Mason reached out and gripped my hand as he asked, “What kind of mistake?”

Dr. O’Hearn glanced at the other doctor before he turned his gaze to my brother. He held up the bottle I’d brought in that was half full. “I don’t know if the prescription was written wrong or the pharmacist misread it, but this dosage...it’s over six times the amount you should really be taking.”

The air zapped from my lungs. “What?”

“Wha-what does that mean?” Mason wondered, confused.

“You’ve been put at great risk by taking this much medicine, Sarah.”

“What kind of risk?” Mason demanded, nearly squeezing off my arm now.

“She’s in danger of heart attack, stroke, jaundice—”

“Stroke?” Mason yelled. “You mean, like the stroke she just had?”

The doctor sighed and glanced shamefully down at his clipboard.

Dr. Theler stepped forward. “Yes, I...we believe that’s what caused her stroke. And I’m sorry to have to tell you this—”

“Sorry?” Surging to his feet, Mason roared. “You almost killed my sister, but you’re sorry?”

As my brother raged on, I stared in a daze at the bottle in Dr. O’Hearn’s hand. The bottle that had caused my stroke.

I knew I should be mad and screaming alongside Mason from the injustice of it all. My own healthcare providers had put my life at risk, but the only thing I could do as I covered my mouth with my hand was smile against my palm in outright relief.

~*~

That evening, I was in my room after supper, studying for the last finals I’d ever take when there was a tap on my door.

I called for my guest to enter, expecting either Mason or Reese to once again talk about how they were going to find me a new doctor, sue the entire hospital, and take care of this entire mess. But I was surprised when Brandt stepped inside instead.

Surprised and a little depressed. He hadn’t come to my window once since my stroke. The infuriating man was determined to play by the rules: no sex, no sneaking in. Hell, he wouldn’t even let our kisses linger too long or get even mildly interesting and out of control. I knew I should’ve been happy he still kissed me at all. But the man had given me a taste of what it could be like to have everything...so now I wanted everything.

And as I looked him over, I was determined to get it.

Tonight.

“Hey.” Closing my textbook, I smiled, trying not to look too eager or calculating.

“Hey,” he answered. “Mason didn’t even glare at me when I came in tonight.” Grinning, he strolled to me and bent down to press his lips gently against mine. But when I pressed back, he pulled away and smoothed his hand over my hair before sitting next to me. “Maybe someday he’ll stop hating me so much, you think?”

“Or maybe he’ll apologize for hating you at all,” I countered, starting to smile maybe a bit too much, and totally giving myself away.

Brandt’s brow crinkled. “Huh?”

I took his hand and squeezed his fingers. “We learned quite an enlightening fact at the doctor’s office today.”

“Wait.” He straightened in alarm. “You had a doctor’s appointment? Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve gone with you.”

I shook my head, letting him know he needn’t have worried. “Mason went with me. I was fine.”

His face paled as if he feared I was going to tell him I was dying. “So what did you learn?”

I smiled, hoping to reassure him. “The real reason why I had my stroke.”

“You...” He shook his head and blinked. “Wait, what?”

I nodded. “Someone got my prescription wrong. They’d been overdosing me for weeks.”

His mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”

Eager to inform him he hadn’t been the cause, I laughed. “I’ve been taking over six times the dosage. And that’s why I had my stroke.”

Instead of sharing my joy, he surged to his feet, his hands fisting at his sides and his eyes flaring with rage. “Those fucking bastards! They misdosed you?”

My smile slipped. “I thought you’d be happier.”

“Happy?” He gripped his head and paced my room. “Are you crazy? They almost killed you. We need to sue their fucking asses.”

Grinning, I waved an unconcerned hand. “Don’t worry. Mason and Reese are already on top of all that.”

Turning to me slowly, he stared, his mouth gaping with shock. “You could’ve died. Why the hell are you so chipper?”

“Because...” I lifted my eyebrows and sent him a meaningful glance. “This means nothing you and I did in this bed caused my stroke.”

Frowning, he opened his mouth to argue. But a second later, he blinked and pressed his lips together. Then he breathed, “Holy shit.” Hope filled his eyes as he flashed his gaze to me. “You’re right.”

I laughed and clasped my hands together. “Does this mean you’ll have sex with me again?”

He hesitated, his smile freezing. “I don’t...I don’t know. Jesus, Sarah, you’re still recovering. This can’t... Are you sure you’re—”

“I am absolutely one hundred percent positive nothing we did triggered my stroke.”

Indecision—but mostly temptation—clouded his face. He returned to me, sitting next to me on the bed. “But aren’t you still at risk? How long is this overdose going to put you in danger?”

I grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him close. “It’s been fifteen days since you were last inside me. I’m not waiting any longer.” I leaned in until my breath washed across his lips. “Now kiss me.”

His gaze heated as he scanned my face. Then he licked his lips as he focused on my mouth. “Damn, that was hot.”

“Then kiss me already.” When I tried to tug him forward more, however, he resisted. Our faces were only inches apart as he cupped my cheeks.

“Sarah, I refuse to do anything to hurt you.”

“Cock deprivation—especially deprivation from your cock—is a very serious offense. That could hurt me.”

He laughed, only to follow it with a groan as he pressed his forehead to mine. “Baby, I want you so bad I ache, but—”

“No buts. I’m fine. I can feel what’s going on inside me better than anyone else, and I...have...recovered. Now let me prove it to you.”

I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, needing it open so I could touch his chest. But he caught my fingers. “No. Sarah...no!”

He surged off the bed, lifting his hands as he backed away from me.

“Brandt,” I growled, gritting my teeth. “You have never once in your life let my cerebral palsy come between us. Don’t let it now.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” Hugging himself, he shook his head and backed a few more feet away from me. “I’m scared,” he whispered, his face going red. “I’m so fucking scared. You didn’t see what it did to you. You had no idea what I went through, helplessly watching you seize up and have a fucking stroke. I can’t...I just can’t risk that again.”

“Baby.” I held my hand out toward him. “It’ll be okay. I’m right here with you. We’ll do this together, slow and easy the first time. You’ll see. It’ll be fine.”

“Don’t fucking push me, Sarah. I said no.”

“God...dammit,” I muttered, balling my good hand into a fist. “You are so fucking stubborn. I wish I had a pair of sharp, pointy tongs to chuck right at your head.”

He blinked and crinkled his brow. “Tongs?”

“I don’t know!” I railed, losing my temper. “Just...it’s the first thing that came to my mind. Now get out. Get out of my fucking room. If you’re too much of a pussy who can’t even try to have the most amazing relationship you know we could have, then get the fuck out, and don’t ever come back.”

“Whoa.” He lifted his hands, and his eyebrows spiked up under his hairline. “Okay, you’re being totally irrational right now. I’ll be back when you calm down.”

“I said don’t come back!” I yelled at his back as he turned toward the door and fled the room. “Dammit.”

As soon as I was alone, tears immediately filled my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. My chest heaved as I tried to wipe them away. But they were coming so fast I couldn’t see anything but blurry spots of light and dark.

I wanted to call after him, make him come back so I could apologize. I think my temper had died the moment the door had latched closed behind him. And now...now I just felt stupid and alone. And miserable.

God, why did I always try to push sex on him? Admittedly, this time hadn’t been about sex as much as it’d been about him taking a chance on us, trusting me, and sticking around no matter what.

Except he hadn’t stuck around, he hadn’t taken a chance, and he hadn’t trusted me.

Unable to stop shaking, I hugged myself and wept harder. I was so busy heaving out a sob that I barely heard the tap to my window.

Pausing, I lifted my head and strained my ears. The tap came again.

With a gasp, I crawled that way and peered out to see Brandt standing with his head bowed and hands in his pockets.

It took me longer to open my window than usual because my left arm was pretty much useless, but I swear, sheer determination got the job done.

“Let me guess,” I said, sniffing up the last of my drying tears. “You knew I was in here crying, so you had to come back.”

He lifted his face. “You know me; can’t let you cry alone.”

Lips tightening from the grin I was fighting, I sat back as he crawled inside. “So?”

Sighing, he closed the window and turned to me, his blue eyes swirling with the same unreadable gaze he’d had the night he’d come here after learning about my first date. Then he shook his head and his shoulders fell. “I don’t know if I’m just a selfish bastard because I want you so much or an idiot for believing you when you say you’ll be okay, but...fuck it. I can’t live the rest of my life without ever having you again. I’m sorry. I—”

I cut him off by kissing him. Hard.

He groaned and kissed me back, pressing into me eagerly, his tongue thrusting and hands cupping my face.

“God, one kiss,” he broke away from me to gasp. Pressing his forehead to mine, he trailed a finger down my cheek. “One kiss and I’m already throbbing to get inside you.”

“Then get naked,” I demanded, my body tingling for him to be on top of me.

With a grin, he shook his head. Then pulled his face back. “I will. But not tonight.”

“What? No! I—” I gripped his face in my hands, desperate not to lose him again.

But he only shook his head and grasped my wrists. “Shh. No, I’m not turning you down. Not ever again, I swear. I’m just asking for a raincheck. It’s only been a few weeks, and I’m still spooked as hell. Let’s give it a little more time, okay? And then...”

“Then you’ll try?” I asked, holding my breath.

After a noisy swallow, he nodded. “Yeah. Then we’ll try it.”

I blew out a breath, relieved he wasn’t saying no, but still a little scared because he was still holding back. “So...what now?”

His chuckle was full of hot sensuality. “How about making out until we fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms?”

Oh, God. That sounded just as good as sex. It’d been forever since I’d gotten to cuddle and sleep with him

And more kissing? Yeah, I could handle that.

“Sold,” I whispered, grabbing his shirt so he’d follow me toward the pillows so we could lie down and get more comfortable.

His eyes heated as he followed me. “I’ve missed this too.”

SARAH

“Oh my God! Quinn’s taking off his shirt!”

At Caroline’s excited prattle, I looked up from the supply list I was studying at the picnic table in Noel and Aspen’s backyard to find the guys on the lawn were starting a game of touch football, and they were dividing the teams shirts against skins.

Quinn had just gotten chosen to the skins’ side, where he was being forced to remove his T-shirt.

Next to me, Reese lifted her face only to spike her eyebrows high. “Oh,” she said, adding in a little hum of interest.

When Aspen twisted on the bench where she was sitting to check out the guys as well, Zoey made an exasperated sound in her throat. “Why is everyone staring at my husband?”

“Because Dr. Modest never removes clothing,” Reese murmured, going as far as to shade her eyes against the sunlight to get a better view. “It’s about time we got a peek. Damn! Mason was chosen for the shirts team.” She dropped her hand, pouting.

“Well, Ten was chosen to play with the shirtless side,” Zoey argued. “Why can’t you all look at him?”

“Meh. Seen it.” Reese returned her attention to the list we’d been compiling, only to steal the pen and paper from me and add caterer to the bottom.

She totally missed the way Caroline scowled at her. “And my man has an awesome chest, thank you very much.”

Reese merely waved out a hand without bothering to look up. “But he strips all the time. It’s no longer new and fascinating to see him half naked.”

“Uh...yes, it is.” Caroline started to argue, only to blow out a relieved breath. “Oh, thank God, Noel and Colton ended up with shirts.”

“Hey!” Aspen whirled back, clearly offended on her husband’s behalf. But she must’ve realized she was talking to the man’s sister because her shoulders slumped. “Well, I guess you have to say that.”

Caroline’s third brother didn’t get chosen for the shirt side, though. As Brandt joined Quinn and Ten’s team, he shed his shirt and tucked it into his back pocket so most of it hung out down the rear of his jeans.

It made a mouthwateringly fetching sight, if I did say so myself, especially with the sunlight gleaming off his toned chest and his dark hair a little messy from removing his shirt.

“I think someone’s happy one of your brothers was chosen for the skin side,” Zoey murmured to Caroline.

Realizing all the ladies had turned their attention to me, I flushed hard. “What?” I hadn’t seen Brandt naked in weeks. It was killing me.

Reese smirked and bumped her shoulder into mine. “You got a little drool,” she said. “Right there.”

“Shit.” I immediately wiped the back of my hand over my mouth, but it was dry.

“Oh my God!” my sister-in-law gasped, her face turning beet red with embarrassment. “I didn’t mean...literally. I’m sorry. You were just... From the way you were staring at him...”

Realizing she’d been trying to tease me, not point out actual drool, I relaxed. “Oh.”

She smacked her hand against her face. “I’m an idiot.”

The horror on her face made me laugh. She knew how self-conscious I was about the drooling aspect of my life, so I knew she’d never make fun of me on purpose, which was why I found her faux pas so hilarious.

Around me, Caroline and Aspen, then Zoey joined in, all of them giggling.

Finally, Reese blew out a breath and laughed too. We got to laughing so hard, the guys paused in preparation of their first play to glance our way.

“What’s so funny?” Noel called.

We women answered, “Nothing,” in unison, which set off a whole new round of laughter.

The guys finally gave up and shook their heads before returning to their game, while all the kiddos continued to play unawares in the small wading pool by the ramp to the back door.

“Now, where were we?” Reese asked, once we’d settled down enough to concentrate on the task at hand, to plan a graduation party for me, Brandt, and even Colton, since he’d be finishing high school a week after Brandt and I ended our term.

“I think we’re set,” Aspen murmured, reading over the list. “This looks good. It’s going to be the perfect party for you and the boys.”

“Great!” Caroline slapped her hands onto the tabletop and stood. “Now let’s get some food ready. I’m starving.”

As we migrated toward the house, I cast another glance toward the playing men. Brandt had just made a run with the ball only to get tagged by Noel. He was panting as he followed the others back to a new line of scrimmage for another play when he must’ve felt my stare. Glancing over, he grinned and lifted his hand to wave.

And since I was so busy ogling him, I rolled myself right into the side of the ramp. It jerked my chair to a halt, but I kept going and spilled forward, falling onto the ramp and landing on my hands and knees.

“Oh my God! Sarah!” Reese hurried back to me, but Brandt beat her there.

“Babe?” His warm hands grasped my shoulders.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” I was quick to call, even though my palms and shins felt like they were on fire. “Just clumsy.”

“Is that blood? Is she bleeding?” I heard Mason’s panicked voice.

Brandt’s fingers swept over my leg from the knee down. “I think it’s just a scrape. Let’s get it cleaned off so we can see it better, though.” He pressed his lips to my brow before announcing, “Up we go.”

He stood, bringing me with him. Then he carried me inside, and everyone trailed after us, even the kiddos.

When I heard my niece and nephew’s worried questions to Reese, asking if I was okay, I felt the need to call again. “I’m fine! Just fine.” Then I buried my face into Brandt’s sunbaked chest and mumbled, “Lord, this is so embarrassing.”

Brandt chuckled against my brow. “Suck it up, buttercup. All these worried people just mean you’re loved that much more.”

“It’s still humiliating,” I mumbled, though I was vaguely tempted to swipe my tongue out to taste all the enticing man-flesh I was pressing my face into as we entered his room.

With another kiss to my cheek, he carried me to his bed and sat, bringing me down to settle on his lap. Then he held me as everyone else mother-henned, Aspen and Caroline arguing from the bathroom which items would best clean the wound, Zoey claiming her husband was the doctor and should take the first look, while Mason, Noel, Ten, and Colton crowded around my bloodied shins, and Reese tried to keep all the kids from coming inside to gawk.

“It’s madness,” I said.

Brandt tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and grinned at me. Once Aspen and Caroline hustled into the room, their arms loaded with all sorts of medical goodies, he waved them forward and called, “Okay, now everyone out. I got this.”

Mason straightened to send him a dark look. “Excuse me?”

Meeting my big brother’s gaze, Brandt repeated, “I got this.”

Mason opened his mouth, only to shut it again and shift his gaze to me. Then his shoulders fell and he nodded. “Doesn’t look like it’s too bad,” he murmured.

He grabbed Noel and Ten and began to drag them toward the exit. The others followed, Aspen trailing at the end so she could close the door behind us and give us some privacy.

“There.” Brandt breathed out and tugged me off his lap so he could settle me on his bed. “Let’s see what we have now.”

I watched his face as he studied my legs, then carefully cleaned each shin before covering the abrasions with bandages. Next, he calmly took my hands into his and checked the palms before sucking in a sympathetic cringe and cleaning those as well.

All I did was sit there and study his face with awe as he took care of me.

It’d been four weeks since my stroke. My left side was still mostly numb. I was pretty sure full sensation would never return, but my swallowing had improved. The one thing I knew for certain: I was as recovered from it as I was ever going to be. This was me at my full capacity. The doctors had straightened out my medication and I was no longer considered a high risk.

Reese and Mason still hovered, worrying about my health, but Brandt had mellowed. He knew as well as I did that this was the new and permanent me. He’d accepted it, and that was why he’d kicked the others out just now. They’d overdramatize over my minor, stupid little fall and try to make it something bigger than it was. He wouldn’t, and he knew that was what I needed right now.

Once he finished with my hands, he looked up. “Where else?”

I shook my head. “Nowhere. That’s it.”

He narrowed his eyes as if he didn’t believe me. “Are you sure? It doesn’t hurt anywhere else?”

“Nope.” I grinned at him, loving him with every molecule I had. “And may I say thank you very much for taking care of me.” I stroked the backs of my fingers down the side of his face. “And thank you again for not freaking out like everyone else did.”

With a chuckle, he shook his head. “I’m pretty damn proud of myself for that too, though I swear my life flashed before my eyes when you first started to fall.” He leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine. “You don’t usually take a tumble like that.”

Humming, I rubbed my nose along his. “I blame you, entirely.”

“Me?” Surprise and amusement highlighted his tone as he lifted his eyebrows. “How did I cause it?”

I sniffed. “You can’t go around looking as sexy as you were looking, all shirtless and irresistible, then grin and send me a flirty little wave like you did, and not expect a girl as sexually frustrated as I am to not trip over herself in lust.”

His blue eyes went hot and his eyelids slit to half-mast. “Sexually frustrated, huh? What about everything we did last night?”

He’d gone down on me and then he’d allowed me to watch him jerk off. It’d been hot, but...

“That only primed me up to want more.” Leaning in, I whispered into his ear. “And now I want everything.”

Shuddering, he turned his face just enough that our mouths were only an inch apart. His nostrils flared and eyelashes flickered before he murmured, “It has been a month since the stroke.”

“It has,” I agreed, licking my lips as I lazily trailed my finger down the center of his warm, bare chest. “And my panties are soaking wet right now.”

Groaning, he grasped my hand and looked me in the eye. “Swear to me you feel okay.”

Oh my God, he was wavering.

For a second, I could only gape at him. Then I broke into the widest grin imaginable. “I’m as good as I’m ever going to get.”

“Fuck,” he muttered as if that were a bad thing, but then he dove at me, kissing me and spiking his tongue into my mouth, clutching my face before grappling with my tank top. “Thank fuck. Because I can’t hold out any longer.”

I gasped when he sucked in a mouthful of my breast while simultaneously peeling off my shorts. Then I arched up my back to feed him more of me as he clutched my hair. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too.” His voice was muffled before he pulled back to blow out a shaky laugh and shake his head. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. I wish I could resist you better.”

“I don’t.” I liked how he’d given in. “Now take your pants off.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His laugh turned husky as he complied, climbing off his bed to kick off his shoes and shuck his jeans.

Before removing his briefs, he tiptoed to the door and as silently as possible locked it.

I covered my mouth, muffling my glee. “Good thinking.”

He met my gaze from across the room, and then slowly took off his last stitch of clothing.

“My God,” I uttered. “You are so beautiful.”

Brandt beamed. “That’s what I was going to say to you.” He neared the bed and helped me lie back.

“I would’ve made it,” he said, kissing his way down my body. “I would’ve been able to keep my hands off you for good if I’d had to.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, thrusting my hips forward as soon as he reached the apex of my thighs.

He sucked in a breath as he inhaled my scent and shook his head. “No...now that you mention it, I’m not so sure at all. Thank God we don’t have to test it, though, huh?”

Then he licked me, swirling his tongue around my clit. My hips arched of their own accord and my breathing went shallow.

“Oh, God. Oh, God,” I whimpered.

He tortured me more by thrusting a finger inside me, swiftly followed by another. My body began to contract. I looked down just as he looked up. When our gazes met, his face went blurry and my body could only focus on itself as I came in a flood.

When I finished, he sat up, grinning before he wiped his mouth. “God, I love how you taste when you come.”

I grinned, feeling kind of powerful from that statement.

Brandt pulled his wallet from his pocket and removed a foiled package. I began to laugh I was so excited, because this was happening. It was finally happening!

Once he was ready, he took one of my wrists and held it above my head as he took himself in his free hand to guide his cock to me. But before he could press inside, he paused and blew out a breath. A trickle of sweat trailed down the side of his face.

His gaze met mine, and I knew. He was remembering the stroke.

“Baby, it’ll be okay.”

He exhaled and shook his head before climbing off me.

“No, not this way. You be on top. Set the pace. I’m too afraid to...I need you to control the movement and take it easy for us this time.”

I paused and blinked at him. “But you can’t let a woman—”

He shushed me by pressing his fingers to my lips. “To get to be inside you, I’ll deal with it.” He kissed me softly. “My stupid mommy issue pales in comparison to how worried I am about you stroking out on me again. Besides.” He shrugged. “I have a feeling it won’t be all that terrible, not if it ends with me coming inside you.”

Secretly pleased he was willing to try it this way and trust me to help him through his own issues, I nodded. “Okay. I’ll be on top.”

He rolled, taking me with him.

When I sat up, straddling his lap, he caught my hip to steady me. “You okay?”

“Oh, yeah.” I managed to rub my clit against his erection. It felt amazing. It was more awkward this way, but I kind of liked being able to look down at him and see my man spread beneath me, panting for more.

I bit my lip, nervous about setting a trigger off in him and nervous about being good at it in this position. My body didn’t move exactly how I wanted it to, but Brandt helped me, holding on to me and guiding me up, then back down on to him.

He felt extra big as he pushed into me. I held my breath and bit my lip, my body stretching until...oh, holy hosanna. He was inside me.

“Oh my God, I missed this.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, bending up his knees to provide a backrest for me. “Oh, shit. Yeah. I missed it too.”

Grinning at him, I lifted and slid down. He bowed his back and groaned.

It was fascinating to watch his face and see every moment of arousal he experienced.

“I love you,” I said.

His gaze focused on me. “I love you too. I can’t believe we’re really doing this.”

I nodded and ground my teeth as he hit something inside me that felt like a pure electrical charge. “Oh, God. Right there. Right there.”

Brandt flexed his hips, hitting it again. “Right there?”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Mmm hmm.”

He ground against it without mercy, rubbing over and over again against that one sweet spot until my womb contracted. “Brandt,” I cried, peaking with the next thrust.

“Shit, I...” He couldn’t finish his sentence. He was too busy igniting with me.

We rode the lightning, fucking until both our orgasms quelled. Then I let out a breath.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding worried.

I laughed. “I’m amazing.” I felt like a sated limp noodle. Grinning down at him, I wondered, “What about you? Are you okay?”

He smiled up at me, his lips parted in awe. “Yeah. Jesus,” he finally breathed, reaching out to cup my breasts. “Why haven’t I ever tried it this way before?”

I beamed with love. “Because you were waiting for me.”

Slipping his hands up over my chest, he kept on until he was cupping my face in both palms. Then he gazed into my eyes and murmured, “Damn straight I was.”

BRANDT

Surrounded by a sea of black-robed graduates, I straightened my cap when I felt it began to tilt on my head, and the tassel dangling from it smacked me in the face.

“Would the College of Accounting and Computer Information Systems please stand,” the announcer called, jerking my attention to the stage at the front of the gymnasium. I could barely make out Sarah in her wheelchair as she lined up with the rest of her fellow majors.

If we had studied in the same department for our bachelor’s degrees, we would’ve been able to sit together throughout this fiasco. Unfortunately, I was stuck here, waiting with the rest of the nursing students. I wasn’t sure why I was bothering with graduation anyway. It wasn’t as if I was finished with college. Now that my bachelor’s degree was finished, I had to keep working on my doctorate of physical therapy.

But Aspen had gotten all teary-eyed when I’d walked from my room in my cap and gown, and Sarah was excited about graduating with me, plus they’d planned a huge party for us and Colton, so...I put up with it to make everyone happy.

They called out name after name, and I kept my eye on Sarah as she slowly rolled closer to the stage. There was no way she’d manage the steps to the platform, so I held my breath as soon as she handed over her card to let the announcer know how to properly pronounce her name.

The greeter passing out the empty certificate holders smoothly moved forward so he could jump off stage and shake with her, congratulating her on her accomplishment. And as soon as her name boomed through the speaker system, I was yelling and catcalling my support.

Nearly half an hour later, I finally had my turn to cross the stage and get my picture taken shaking hands with some important dude.

I knew it wasn’t a big deal, but something in me swelled with pride anyway when I heard my family cheering from the audience. It made me realize I’d come a long way from the potty-mouthed boy who’d gotten fucked up by his mother when he was thirteen. I had grown and matured into something worthy, something worthy enough to get the woman of my dreams. And it was all because this one girl had taken a chance on me and sent me a single friend request.

Seeking her wheelchair out where she sat back with her department, I blew a kiss in her direction and I swear I saw her catch it and press it to her heart.

Things felt good and complete when we were finally released from the gym. The campus was too crowded to meet up with everyone who’d come to see us graduate, so we had decided to celebrate in the back reception room at Forbidden, and Pick had Italian food catered in. Colton wouldn’t graduate for another week—the little nerd was still complaining about making salutatorian—but it’d been easier to have one big party for the three of us at once, so we’d had it after the college graduation.

Sarah and her family were already there when I arrived. I hadn’t gotten to actually talk to her face-to-face all day, so I swept to her immediately and pulled her from her chair first thing to give her a big hug and kiss before letting her back down.

“Congratulations,” I said, pressing my forehead to hers. “We did it.”

Grinning back, she stroked my cheek. “Yes, we did. I’m so proud of you. I was so sure you’d get out of walking through somehow.”

I mocked fake insult and gasped. “I told you I’d do it.”

“Yes,” she murmured. “Yes, you did.”

“Hey, hey. Enough from you two,” Reese called, interrupting us before we could kiss again. “I need to make a speech before you start making babies with your eyes.” Lifting her glass, she moved to the front of the room until she was standing by the buffet table. “Here’s to Sarah and Brandt for making it through their bachelor’s degrees, and Colton for high school. Good luck, Sarah in finding a job that actually matches your major, and Brandt, good luck with graduate school. And Colton, we already know you’ll rock your salutatorian speech. We love you guys!”

She took a drink and everyone followed, cheering us on. Sarah sipped from her own glass, and I looked around at our family and friends who’d come to celebrate with us. My brothers and sister and their spouses and children sat at one table. Mason and Reese along with their two and Pick and Eva’s four took up another. Then Knox and Felicity, Quinn and Zoey, and Asher and Remy’s families filled in the third table. All of them looked pleased and proud of us.

Taking Sarah’s hand, I said, “Look at all this support. We’re pretty lucky, aren’t we?”

She gazed around her, smiling softly. “Yeah. We are.”

Figuring this was as good a time as any to give her my graduation gift, I slid my hand into my pocket and pulled out a key that dangled from a piece of ribbon with a bow on it.

“Sarah Arnosta,” I murmured, kneeling next to her. “I have loved you for nine years and have adored every minute we’ve been together. But it’s not enough anymore. I want more. I want everything.” Pressing the key into her hand, I said, “Will you do me the great honor of moving in with me?”

Her lips parted as she looked down at the key. “Wha...” Her gaze flashed up, surprise wide in her eyes. “What is this?”

“It’s a key to a new apartment Pick helped me find.” Taking a deep breath, I went for the gold. “I could live there alone and still be perfectly content, sneaking into your room when Mason isn’t looking, or...we could have it all, and just...live together. That’s what I’m voting for, by the way.”

Sarah laughed, but then her eyes filled with tears. “Oh my God, Brandt. I can’t...this is...yes, ohmigod, yes! I’ll move in with you. Are you sure?”

Chuckling, I pulled her in for another hug. “I’ve never been more certain of anything than I am of this. I’m ready to start the rest of my life with you, right now.”

Sarah’s tears rolled down her cheeks as her smile grew. Then she waved her key frantically. “This is the best graduation gift ever.”

I shrugged ruefully. “It’s not a very typical one, that’s for sure.”

“No, it’s better. Better than anything money could buy. It’s priceless.”

Well, I guess that made sense, since she was my priceless.

I shouldn’t be here.

I had been telling myself variations of that very sentiment all day, starting with, I shouldn’t go as I’d dressed for the wedding all the way to What the hell am I doing? as I’d entered the church. And here I was now, still filled with a torturous regret as I sat alone at a round table during the reception and watched a bunch of white people trying to dance to the “Cha Cha Slide.”

That was just plain painful all by itself.

Except for the groom. He looked adorable attempting to perfect the Charlie Brown. I could tell he was only on the dance floor to entertain his bride, who sat in her wheelchair a few feet in front of him and covered her mouth with her hands as tears streamed down her cheeks from laughing so hard.

A reluctant smile tugged at my own lips. Yeah, he was pretty damn cute with the way he so enthusiastically got into the song, shaking his ass at her. And that tux fit him like sin on an ice cream cone. Made a girl just want to lick—

Not that I’d ever licked that, though I was probably the only woman in attendance—aside from the bride herself—who’d gone on a date with him. Well, half a date. It’d been kind of interrupted by, what do you know, the bride herself, and we’d never gotten a redo before he realized where his heart truly lay.

I didn’t blame the new Mrs. Gamble for ruining my date and crushing what might’ve been a grand passionate romance. Not really.

But the thing was, I had liked Brandt Gamble. I’d liked him a lot, like enough to maybe even break my five-date rule of going all the way if that first one had ever made it to completion. Yet I’d never even gotten a kiss from him. I bet he was a good kisser too. His lips looked like the soft kind that made your toes curl as soon as they were within a foot of you.

He was damn-near perfect all the way around. Gorgeous, good humored, kind, compassionate, hard-working, easy to talk to, and just rough enough around the edges to be wholly and appealingly male.

Glancing away as the song ended and he swept forward to press his soft-looking lips against his wife’s, I cleared my throat, feeling vile for even thinking what I was thinking.

Who in their right mind attended a wedding to watch their crush marry someone else?

Me, apparently.

I was such an idiot. I should just grab my purse, get up and leave already. I was better than this. If I put my heart into it, I could probably get any man I wanted. I didn’t need to mope over some unavailable—

Across the table from me, a guy in a tux slumped into a seat in a sloppy, drunken manner, saying, “Hey, sexy.”

I jerked my gaze up to the man’s face only to groan in misery.

Not a man. Just a boy. Just a cocky, way-too attractive for his mere eighteen years, boy.

The best man, aka Brandt’s annoying little brother, wiggled his eyebrows amorously. “You look good enough to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And that slit in your skirt, running halfway up your thigh... mmm, baby doll, that’s been driving me crazy all night.”

God, strike me dead now. If there was anything worse than watching the guy you were pining after marry another woman, it had to be spending any time in the company of Colton Gamble.

“Why...?” I demanded, glaring enough that hopefully he’d get the hint and behave for once in his life. “Couldn’t you just say I looked nice?”

“Nice?” He snorted, his brown eyes sparkling with delight. “The bride looks nice. My sisters and little nieces look nice. You...no, you don’t look nice. You look fucking delicious.”

Against my will, heat coiled in my stomach. That’s what I hated most about Colton. His pesky annoyances I could handle and swat aside without another thought. It was the way his stare could make my thighs quiver and breasts go all heavy that made me want to smack him.

He was the complete antithesis of his brother. Whereas Brandt was more humble about his appearance, Colton knew how hot he was and liked to play it up. Brandt seemed to work for everything he had while Colton had a laziness about him, as if he just sat back and let the world come to him. His personality was so loud and domineering, I wasn’t sure what was important to him, except maybe himself, while Brandt wore his feelings for others right there on his sleeve. Brandt’s presence was soothing and put me at ease, while being near Colton always made everything inside me coil and tighten with...I don’t even know. Annoyance? Dread? Awareness? Excitement?

Whatever it was, I hated it. And worse yet, I swear, he knew how much he affected me. His grin always bore that smug, arrogant smirk, as if he could read every dirty thought in my head. I hated that too...almost as much as I hated him.

Okay, maybe I didn’t hate him—I didn’t even really know him—but I could definitely do without all that freaking mess he caused inside me. Messes were just...messy. And I did hate messes. I was the kind of girl who thrived off order and control. It only took one glance at Colton to know those things did not exist in his wheelhouse.

Propping his elbows onto the table, he rested his chin in one hand as he regarded me thoughtfully. “You also looked lonely sitting over here all by your sexy self. So I decided I just couldn’t allow that.”

I ignored how sweet it was that he’d been concerned about my well-being at all, and I sent him a dry glance. “I’m fine.”

He lifted an eyebrow, spearing me with an intense stare that made me squirm inside, as if I could feel him poking through all my innermost thoughts. “Are you?”

Drawing in a breath, I tore my gaze from him and scanned the room, needing something else to focus on. When I spotted Brandt leading his bride toward the cake and punch, I blinked rapidly.

Across the table, Colton leaned toward me. “Tell me something, Julianna. What’re you doing here?”

His question made me squint. Veering my attention back to him, I shook my head, confused. “What do you mean? This is where my place card was.” I lifted my card to show him the name Julianna Radcliffe printed neatly on the folded piece of cardstock. “Where else would I sit?”

But he shook his head. “No. Not at this table, here. What are you doing at this wedding, here?”

My lips parted. Feeling suddenly unwelcome and small, I narrowed my eyes at the source of this crappy feeling. “I was invited,” I bit back.

Colton sighed and glanced momentarily toward the ceiling before meeting my gaze and murmuring, “Didn’t mean you had to come.”

“What?” Back straightening and chin lifting, I said, “Do you have some kind of problem with me, Little Gamble?”

He laughed. The bastard was half a second from making me cry and slink away from this stupid reception with my tail tucked between my legs, and he had the audacity to laugh in my face. Jerk. I should claw his mother-fucking eyes out. And all this time, I’d thought he liked me when he flirted mercilessly. Every time he saw me, in fact, he made some comment about wanting to get into my pants. It made me feel betrayed by all his previous false acts of seduction.

But then he said, “Hell, no, I don’t have a problem with you,” making me frown in confusion.  He tipped his head to the side. “What? Have I not made that clear enough every single second I’ve ever spent in your company? Because, you know, I can try harder.”

“Dear God, no!” Against my will, my body settled with relief, learning he didn’t hate me, which pissed me off, because I didn’t want to care what he thought of me at all. “Then what the fuck is your deal?” I demanded, gritting my teeth because I cared a hell of a lot more than I wanted to.

“I don’t have a deal,” he answered flippantly, making me growl out my aggravation. “I’m just curious why you decided to torture yourself and attend this wedding only to watch the guy you’re crazy about marry someone else.”

I froze.

Praying he hadn’t just said what I knew he’d just said, I slid my gaze toward Brandt, only to guiltily slice it right back to Colton, who lifted a knowing eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

So I took a long, slow drink from my champagne glass, nearly draining it, and then I set it back on the table before returning my attention to him.

Affecting an amused laugh, I asked, “What makes you think I’m crazy about Brandt?”

Colton laughed too, like threw back his head and bellowed the sound, making people at other tables glance our way. I ground my teeth some more, trying not to sink through the floor from embarrassment as he slowly settled down enough to say, “Good one.” Wiping a tear from his eye, he flicked it from his fingers. “Not have feelings for Brandt. Damn, that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all night. But seriously, you don’t have to play dumb with me. I know you like him. I watched you stare at him for a good ten minutes straight before I came over here to rescue you.”

“I was not—” Oh, shit. I had been staring, hadn’t I? “He’s one of the only people here I know,” I bit out defensively. “And he’s the groom. Who was I supposed to watch?”

Colton grinned. “You could watch me.”

“Oh, Jesus. Really?” I rolled my eyes and reached for my purse from the middle of the table to leave. It was humiliating enough to get caught staring, but Colton’s pathetic flirting on top of that made my night complete. This evening was just too sucky to continue.

“Hey, wait.” Colton flashed forward, snatching my purse before I could get my hand on it.

I glowered. “Damn it, Colton. Give me my purse back.”

He didn’t. Grinning, he clutched it to his chest before holding up a finger. “Just give me a second here. I have an idea. What if I knew how to help you get over him?”

His words gave me half a second of pause, a hope I couldn’t ignore. But more importantly, I just wanted to escape this asshole.

Sitting back, I crossed my arms over my chest, playing along in an attempt to recover my possessions. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

With a shrug, he said, “Same way any woman gets over a guy she likes. By settling for some other lucky schmuck to get your mind off him, of course.” Grinning, he lifted his hand. “In fact, I volunteer as consolation prize.”

TO MY FAMILY

Sadie, who this story is dedicated to, you’re the biggest surprise to enter my life this last year but the best. Watching you grow these past few months has been an honor and joy.

Lydia, you’re the cutest personal assistant an author could have. I don’t know how I would make it through without you around, always eager and willing to help.

Kurt, my best friend and husband, thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re my everything and more.

To my mother-in-law/babysitter, thank you so much. To my own mother, I love you! Sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles, you were all involved in making me what I am today and in return helped my stories evolve the way they did. Thank you!

FRIENDS

Linz and Low. Thank you for the totally awesome book club, for always being there for me and letting me be there for you, for the Play-Doh and tongs inspiration, but mostly, thank you for just being you guys. I don’t know how I stumbled across two such amazing, lovely, giving souls, but I’m so glad I did! Love you lots! And thanks to your husbands and babies for being there for my two besties.

Claudia Mosconi from Italy for your Smallville inspiration, thank you!

Zasharie Rodriguez for your sweetness and awesome reading recommendations, big hugs!

BETA READERS

Ada Frost, Mary Crawford, Reni and Sarah from Inked in Chapters, Sasha Rodz, Shi Ann Crumpacker, Alaina Martinie, Jennifer Skewes, Lisa Jayne, and Amanda at Beta Reading Bookshelf! Thank you, guys. Soooo much!

EDITORS AND PROOFREADERS

Stephanie Parent

Shelley at 2 Book Lovers Reviews

Thank you for always catching so many of my mistakes. You’re miracle workers!

ONE LAST ROUND OF THANKS

To the television show Supernatural for having ten seasons on Netflix that I could watch after giving birth to Sadie, essentially keeping my spirits up so I could continue on and write again someday instead of falling into some kind of postnatal depression, thank you!

Thanks to Google for helping me find information about Cerebral Palsy and discovering amazing celebrities like Masoon Zayid.

And another thanks to Mary Crawford for double-checking my accuracy!

AND GOD

You just keep forgiving me no matter how much I don’t deserve it! Thank you.

Linda grew up on a dairy farm in the Midwest as the youngest of eight children. Now she lives in Kansas with her husband, two daughters, their nine cuckoo clocks, and a cat named Holly. Her life’s been blessed with lots of people to learn from and love. Writing’s always been a major part of her world, and she’s so happy to finally share some of her stories with other romance lovers.

Please visit her at her website:

www.LindaKage.com

Title Page

About Priceless

Dedication

Author’s Note

Chapter 1 – Brandt

Chapter 2 – Sarah

Chapter 3 – Brandt

Chapter 4 – Sarah

Chapter 5 – Brandt

Chapter 6 – Sarah

Chapter 7 – Brandt

Chapter 8 – Brandt

Chapter 9 – Sarah

Chapter 10 – Brandt

Chapter 11 – Sarah

Chapter 12 – Sarah

Chapter 13 – Brandt

Chapter 14 – Brandt

Chapter 15 – Sarah

Chapter 16 – Brandt

Chapter 17 – Sarah

Chapter 18 – Brandt

Chapter 19 – Sarah

Chapter 20 – Sarah

Chapter 21 – Brandt

Chapter 22 – Sarah

Chapter 23 – Brandt

Chapter 24 – Sarah

Chapter 25 – Brandt

Chapter 26 – Sarah

Chapter 27 – Brandt

Chapter 28 – Sarah

Chapter 29 – Sarah

Chapter 30 – Sarah

Chapter 31 – Brandt

Chapter 32 – Brandt

Chapter 33 – Brandt

Chapter 34 – Brandt

Chapter 35 – Brandt

Chapter 36 – Sarah

Chapter 37 – Sarah

Chapter 38 – Brandt

Coming Next

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Credits

Table of Contents