Win Life

Success Skills
Schools Don’t Teach

Benjamin Hart

Copyright © 2023 Benjamin Hart

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the author or the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.  

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For My Wife Wanda,
who has "True Grit"

The Communists took over Wanda's country, Laos, in 1975. In 1977, at age 13, Wanda launched off through the jungle. She walked for many days.  

She made it across the mighty Mekong River from Laos into Thailand in the dead of night. She found her way to a refugee camp, where she lived for 18 months.

She miraculously made it to America by age 14. She did not know any English when she arrived. She essentially raised herself.

But she became highly successful in life. She built a substantial rental property business with 27 tenants and became a millionaire.

Wanda never saw herself as any kind of victim. She has always seen herself as fortunate for the privilege of being on this journey called Life. She loves America and loves being an American.

How many Americans have her survival skills?

But Wanda did not just survive.  She went on to actually win the game of Life.
If she can Win Life, you can Win Life.

Table of Contents

Part 1: Success is a Skill Anyone Can Learn

What Is "Success"?

Who Will This Book Help?

The Big Mistake I Made That Nearly Wrecked My Life

True Grit

Our Internet Business

Should You Follow Your Passion?

Build a Stack of Skills

Part 2: Be the Driver of Your Life

The Law of Cumulative Actions

Set Goals, Big and Small

Systems Over Goals

The Power of Routine

Set Tight Deadlines

Fail Your Way to Success

Why Willpower Does Not Work

Why You Must Keep a Schedule

Track and Measure Results

Why You Must Have a Budget

Develop a "Learning Mindset"

Find Great Teachers and Mentors

Part 3: Become a Strategist

Use "Game Theory" to Win at Life

How to Become a "Lucky" Person

How to Negotiate Your Compensation

The Value of Your Time

How to Escape the "Time Equals Money" Trap

How to Know if You Have a Winning Product or Idea

Deeply Understand the "80-20 Rule"

Build Momentum

Choose Your Friends Carefully

Find Your Calling in Life

Part 4: How to Solve Life's Problems

Solving Problems Requires a System

Don’t Ignore the Problem

Keep Problems in Perspective

Think of Life's Problems as Puzzles to Solve

Diagnose and Define What the Real Problem Is

Gather All the Information You Can

Break Down Big Problems Into Smaller Parts

Make a List of All Possible Solutions and Potential Problems with Each Solution.

Account for the “Law of Unintended Consequences”

Make Decisions

Set a Schedule for Tackling the Problem with Specific Actions

Seek Expert Advice

Turn Manure Into Fertilizer

Part 5: How to Master Any Subject or Skill Quickly

With Six Months of Focused Learning, You Can Command a Six-Figure Salary

Decision and Commitment

No One is a Good "Multi-Tasker"

Repetition is the Mother of All Learning

The Five Modes of Learning

How to Achieve FOCUS

How to Achieve FLOW

Learning Happens While You Sleep

The Goal is Slow Thinking, Not Fast Thinking

Keep Going When You Are in Flow

How to Get Straight A's in School or College

Linkage

Simplify Learning

Treat Learning Difficult Subjects as a Game You Try to Win

The Fastest Way to Learn is to Slow Down

How to Develop Motivation

Part 6: "Soft Skills" You Need to Succeed

Work on Your "Likeability" If You Want Success

How to Explain Things

How to Write Well

How to Talk to Strangers

Learn How to Sell

Trust Is Your Most Valuable Currency

How to Ask for What You Want . . . And Usually Get It

Ask for Testimonials

How to Develop Relationships with Very Rich People

Part 7: Brainwash Yourself To Success

Reframe Your Reality

The Power of Affirmations

How to Stop Procrastinating

How to Create Healthy Addictions Instead of Unhealthy Addictions

Part 8: How to Become a Confident Person

Success in Life is Very Difficult Without Self-Confidence

Learn to Project Confidence Even If You Are Not At All Confident

Overcome "Imposter Syndrome"

Visualize Success

Ask Yourself: What’s the Worst Thing That Can Happen If I Fail?

Have a Realistic Picture of What Success is for You

Push the Limits of Your Comfort Zone,  But Gradually and Systematically

Training and Preparation Create Confidence

Teach Something You Are an Expert At

Learn To Be a Good Public Speaker

Tend to Your Appearance

Fix Your Body Language

Learn to Like You

Find Something to be Really Good At

Think of Yourself as a "Winner," Even If You're Not Quite Yet "Winning"

Summing It Up

About The Author

Part 1: Success is a Skill Anyone Can Learn

No one is born a success. 

You might be born into a wealthy family.  But that doesn't mean you will be successful.

You might be blessed with tremendous natural athletic talent, a genius IQ and great looks.  But these genetic traits do not mean you will be successful.

Many have been born into great wealth, but their lives were messes.  They became aimless ne'er-do-wells and were very unhappy.  Some died of drug overdoses or spent time in prison.  Many who are born into wealth lose everything.

On the other hand, many others start with nothing and become multimillionaires. 

They have average intelligence. But they make the right decisions in life and take the right actions.  What they have is discipline, drive, and a strong work ethic.  They also find the right strategy and develop a system that works well for them.

Success is a skill that can be learned.  It's actually a set of skills.

If you want to learn how to play chess at a high level, read books on how to play chess well, play a lot of chess with players who are better than you, and find the right teachers.

The way you become successful is to read books on how to be successful.  Find the right teachers, coaches, and mentors.  Finding the right teachers and mentors in your chosen field is your shortcut to success.  They will teach you how to succeed. 

Choosing the right friends is also crucial to your success because "birds of a feather" do tend to flock together. 

If you are reading this book, you are almost certain to become very successful for the simple reason you are motivated to become a success.  You have a learning mindset.  You are reading this book because you know that success in life is a set of skills that can be learned. You know that knowledge is power. 

If you know the combination to the vault in Fort Knox, you can access the gold.

If you follow the laws and rules of being successful, it's highly likely you will be successful because actions have predictable consequences – both positive and negative.

I have done a number of things right in life.  I have also made some big mistakes.

You can't go through life without making mistakes.

"Fender bender" type of mistakes are fine, so long as you learn from your mistakes and don't keep repeating the same mistakes.  What you want to avoid is the head-on collision that you can't recover from.

There are no guarantees in life.

Luck is certainly a part of life.  But there are skills and habits you can learn that will greatly increase your odds of being a "lucky" person.

This book will help you learn how to make more right decisions than wrong decisions and how to avoid making truly disastrous decisions you can never recover from – so you can make your life healthier, wealthier, wiser, and more fulfilling.

Money certainly is not the only measure of success.  Far from it.  But you do need enough money to be able to design the life you want.

The truth is almost anyone can become a multi-millionaire and successful in life if you just follow some basic rules and adopt certain habits – also if you know how to plan out the right strategies and avoid big mistakes.

By age 32, I had built an advertising agency with about $4 million per year in billings.

But then I went broke at age 46 because I made a really big mistake.  Then I built back again.

I really wasn't that unhappy about going broke and losing everything at age 46. 

I just started over again.  We lived modestly – very modestly.  We rented a room in someone's basement for $730 per month while we built back.

Within four years, I was back to where I was and beyond.  I wasn't  worried because I knew I had a system and process for building back.

When I look back on it, I really have some great memories from when I was broke.  Plus, I feel quite a sense of accomplishment that I was able to build back stronger. 

This situation all flowed from a big mistake I made that I'll tell you about in a moment.

So yes, I was quite concerned when I went broke at age 46.  But I never panicked because I knew I had a system for building back.

I also have the mindset of taking life as it comes.  I see life as a journey.  We don't exactly know where this journey called Life will take us.  But I find this journey fascinating.  This perspective helps keep me in a healthy state of mind, almost no matter what happens.

My attitude is one of gratitude.  I'm grateful for every day of life I have on this beautiful blue ball called Earth.  And I'm always looking forward to the next page of this story called Life. 

I consider every day I have above ground and not six feet below ground as a good day.

As long as I'm here on this planet called Earth, I might as well try to accomplish some things.

So my focus is not so much on money.  It's on being good at what I do and providing good service to my clients. 

The money then follows, almost naturally without having to think about it much . . . and piles up.

First it's a little pile.  Then it becomes a big pile if you keep doing the right things and avoid doing wrong things.

Focus on process, not so much goals.  Know exactly what you'll be doing each day when you wake up in the morning.

Then just keep doing it.

Set a big goal. Then commit to a course of action.  Try to achieve small benchmarks toward your big goal each day – day after day after day.  The money will just flow in, almost automatically.

What Is "Success"?

"Success" is a subjective concept.  You must define success for yourself.  Success for me is very different from what Elon Musk would call success for him.  It's up to you to decide what this game called Life really is.  You decide what the objective is – for you.

Most likely, you'll have a number of goals and objectives.

I think of life as a game I try to win.

Why?

Well, mainly because games are fun. 

God has put us here on this planet called Earth.  We're only here for a short period of time.  We might as well try to figure it out the best we can – do as well as we can at it, make some kind of contribution.

That's how I see this game called life.

Most people, at a bare minimum, want to have a comfortable, secure life.

Most  don't want to wonder how they will pay for their next meal or keep a roof over their head.

The first challenge in this game of Life is to become self-sustaining.

Once you've achieved this level – Level One – you likely will want to see if you can reach Level Two, which is to feel reasonably secure financially.

Then you try to achieve Level Three, then Level Four, and so on.

You decide what the levels are you want to achieve.

That is how games work.  Once you reach one level, most people want to see if they can reach the next level . . . because that's how human brains are wired.  That's why games are addictive.

Some people ask me:  "Ben, why do you continue to work so hard at age 65?  You have plenty of money to retire.  Why not retire and spend the rest of your life lying on a beach in Tahiti or sailing around the Caribbean islands?"

My answer is: Because after a few days of that, I'd be bored to tears. 

The reason I continue to work so hard is the same reason an Olympic gymnast works so hard to land that backflip on the balance beam, the same reason people work so hard to reach the summit of Mount Everest, the same reason we worked so hard to land on the moon.

We do these things to see if we can.

At this stage in my life, age 65, I've completed the money-making phase of my life.   I feel good about what I've achieved in that area.  

Now I'm primarily engaged in trying to leave a legacy for my children and grandchildren.

Toward this objective, I'm writing books – writing books about how to make the right decisions in life that will help them achieve what they want to achieve in life.

We work so hard at this game called Life because it's fun to hit benchmarks and goals.  It's fun to accomplish things.

We feel a sense of accomplishment when we reach the next level.  But then we usually are not satisfied with that.  We then work hard to reach the next level.

We work hard to reach the next level because it's so much more fun to do that than to sit around doing nothing.

We must occupy our time somehow while we're here on Earth.  You might as well try to accomplish some things . . . and have some fun along the way.

Who Will This Book Help?

The chapters and sections in this book are short self-contained units.  You can scan the table of contents, see what looks interesting and just start reading.  Start reading anywhere.

This book is primarily aimed at those between the ages of 15 and 30 who are just getting launched into adulthood

This book is perfect for those of you trying to figure out how to sock away your first one million dollars.

Accumulating your first one million dollars gives you a reasonably secure base of operations that will allow you to launch off to the next level.  You then decide what the next levels are for you.

Your primary opponent in this game of Life is you.  You are in a battle with yourself – the Best Version of You vs the Worst Version of You.

If the Worst Version of You builds too big a lead, it becomes increasingly difficult for the Best Version of You to make up ground and overtake the Worst Version of You.

This book is about how to build systems to keep the Worst Version of You in check and to maximize the Best Version of You.

One of the worst pieces of advice says: "Just be yourself."

No.

If I were to "just be myself," I'd be like the Eddie character in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation movie or the John Belushi character in Animal House.

What you want to become is the Best Version of You.

I believe in "Systems Over Goals."

Yes, you need goals.  But focus on developing systems that will take you toward your goals.  Just keep working your systems.  The goals then take care of themselves.  The goals just happen – if you put in place the right system.

I treat my work as like a game I try to be very good at – if not the best in the world, at least world-class.

I'm an advertising copywriter. I write ads for a living.  Specifically, I'm in the direct marketing business.

Some say I'm one of the top direct-marketing copywriters in the country.

I would say that's not quite right.  I'm certainly nowhere near the best writer.  There are many far better writers out there.  Nor would I say I'm anywhere near the most knowledgeable about marketing.

I do know a lot about marketing.  I've read maybe 1,000 books on marketing.  I've attended hundreds of seminars on marketing.  I've been in the direct marketing field now for nearly 40 years. 

However, there are many better marketers out there.  Amazon founder Jeff Bezos is certainly much better at marketing than I am.  So was Apple founder Steve Jobs.  So is Elon Musk.  So is Microsoft founder Bill Gates and Netflix founder Reed Hastings.

I'm nothing compared to these business and marketing titans.

Nor would they learn anything of much value to them from this book.

But I'm also not sure average folks could learn much that's really useful from a Steve Jobs or Elon Musk either.

Yes, I've read biographies of these two because I like reading about people who have achieved great things.

These are very special people blessed with a unique set of talents, skills, and character traits that most people just don't have.  Not only are their IQs up around 140 or higher.  But they have a maniacal work ethic, plus a very clear vision of what they are trying to accomplish.

When he was in his teens, Elon Musk was trying to figure out how to get nutrients into his body without having to sit down at the table to eat.  He wanted to be able to work continuously, without pausing for even 20 minutes to eat.  That's not how I want to live.

Musk also has a near photographic memory.  As a kid living in South Africa, starting at age nine he read the Encyclopedia Britannica from start to finish several times so he could know something about every major topic, at least in a general way.

From the time he was a kid, Musk knew he wanted to conquer space travel and turn humans into an interplanetary species.  By the age of 12, he knew computer coding and was creating video games.

Even as a young child, Musk knew he wanted to find a way to move from South Africa to the United States – which he saw as the "land of opportunity" – a place where he could get things done.  At age 17, he and his brother, Kimbal managed to save enough for plane tickets to get to Canada.  They arrived with no money in their pockets and no place to stay.

With scholarship and grant help, Elon attended Queens College in Canada before transferring to the University of Pennsylvania where he graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Economics from the Wharton School and a Bachelor of Arts degree in Physics from the College of Arts and Sciences.

He and his brother Kimbal then made their way to Silicon Valley, California where they founded Zip2 – which was a kind of Yellow Pages for the Internet plus a mapping system, a kind of precursor to MapQuest.

In 1999, they sold Zip2 to Compaq.  Musk received $22 million for his share – at age 27.

Elon then co-founded a company called X.com, which became PayPal. Three years later, Musk sold his share in PayPal for $165 million – which he then used to capitalize his new company SpaceX, which is what he really wanted to do all along– conquer space. 

He just needed to find a way to get enough money to do what he really wanted to do. 

Elon's goal is to transform humans into an interplanetary species so that if this planet ever goes away (perhaps because of a solar flare or other calamity), humans will have some place to go.

In addition, he co-founded Tesla, principally because he wants to create a pollution-free, sustainable planet.

As of this writing, Elon is the world's richest human.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos also wants to conquer space.  In fact, Bezos' primary motivation for starting Amazon was so he could make enough money to launch his own space program.  His space program is called Blue Origin.

This book is not likely to turn you into the next Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos. 

These are people with special skills, talents, character traits, and near-superhuman motivation, drive, and vision.

This book is for ordinary people, average people who just want to figure out how to sock away their first one million dollars.

Once you sock away your first one million dollars, life gets a whole lot easier from there.  Once you do that, the second million is easy.  You just keep doing what you've been doing to make your first million.

Then that quickly becomes $5 million, without much thought – if you just keep working your successful system you'll be developing from reading this book; and if you don't make big mistakes.

Fender benders are fine and expected.  Everyone has fender benders.  You just want to avoid head-on collisions in life – like the one I had.

I'm not great at any one thing. 

What I've been able to assemble, however, is a stack of skills, habits, and simple strategies that have served me well in life.

I'm a competent writer. I have a good grounding in the principles of direct marketing.  I have a learning mindset and read a lot of books.

I'm decent at making sales presentations.  I have some basic business sense.   I know how to set priorities for how I use my time.  I'm able to focus on the task in front of me and block out distractions.  I have a good work ethic.  I know how to set goals and write a step-by-step plan and schedule for achieving my goals. 

Once I choose a path, I stay on it daily and doggedly until the goal is achieved – or at least something close to the goal.

I've combined all this to create a good life for myself.

I have not had to go to a real office since the 1990s.  I made a conscious decision to design my life this way.  So here's what my typical day looks like.

I start work at 6:00 a.m.  Actually, I wake up at 6:00 a.m. and commute first to the coffee pot, then to my Lazy Boy where I pick up my laptop.

I'm done working by Noon each day.  I'll then work out or do something athletic.  I might talk to a client or two in the afternoon.  Then I'll do something fun with my wife Wanda.

My four kids are grown up.  And Wanda's two kids are grown up.  So it's just me and Wanda – happy as clams.

Wanda and I focus a lot on health and fitness.  I am of the belief investing in your health is the single most valuable investment you can make because if you are not healthy and feeling good, you can't be productive.  It's difficult to have a happy life if you are in physical discomfort and pain all the time.

So invest daily in your health.  Eat healthy foods, not unhealthy foods . . . because you are what you consume.  Put in place a daily exercise program.  This is crucial to your success.

The three most valuable commodities in life are:

1) Your Time.

2) Your Health

3) Cash Flow

Some might question this list, might argue that other commodities are more important – love, for example.

I would put love under health.  We need love and human relationships because this is healthy – leads to good mental health.

Others might say faith in God is more important.  Sure.  I agree.  But this is not a religious book.  I would put faith in God in the category of health – maintaining good mental health.

This is a book about life here on Earth, and largely about how to make your first one million dollars.

I would put love and faith in God under health.  Love and faith in God contribute to having a healthy mental outlook.  I don't know any atheists who have a positive outlook on life.

I place good health as your second most important commodity after time because if you're not healthy, if you're not in good physical condition, you can't maximize your productivity and your ability to focus. 

You'll feel lethargic and tired all the time.  It's also likely you'll have a shorter life if you fail to tend to your health and fitness every day.

Since I've designed my life so that I have not had to go to a real office in 35 years or so, I'm able to work from anywhere.

Sometimes we're in France or Latin America or Thailand or Wyoming.  We love to travel.

We value experiences much more than things.  So long as I have an Internet connection, I'm in business.  This gives me maximum freedom and flexibility.

I still work hard every day, not because I have to, but because I like what I do.  I enjoy my work.

If I stopped working, I would feel unproductive and aimless.  An idle mind is the Devil's playground, says the proverb.

I like having projects to complete each day.  I like knowing exactly what I'll be doing workwise when I wake up at 6:00 a.m. to the sound of the coffee pot brewing and gurgling.

It's my view that any healthy person of average intelligence can be in the top one percent of income earners, while having plenty of free time to enjoy life.  It just takes some discipline plus some knowledge of how to develop a strategy that's right for you. 

You must also avoid making some key common mistakes.

The Big Mistake I Made That Nearly Wrecked My Life

By the time I was 32, I had built an advertising agency that billed about $4 million per year.

I have good writing skills and a creative mind.  The advertising business was a great fit for me.

I had honed my writing skills in college by working at the student newspaper. 

While in college, I also wrote a book titled Poisoned Ivy, which became a national bestseller.  My first job out of college was as a metro reporter for The Washington Times in Washington, DC, where I mostly covered crimes happening in the city – usually shootings and killings.  As a junior crime reporter for The Washington Times, I was earning pretty close to minimum wage.

But I wanted to be a writer.

I thought I wanted to be the next Bob Woodward, the investigative reporter of Watergate fame.  Or perhaps the next Ernest Hemingway – my favorite writer who started off as a reporter covering the Spanish Civil War.

If you want to be a writer, the best way to learn this skill is to write.

I found out that learning how to write well is one of the most valuable skills you can have in life.

But it's hard to make any money as a city reporter for a newspaper.  The pay is dirt.  Most metro reporters covering the crime beat end up alcoholics, divorced and dying of lung cancer from all the smoking most of them do.  It's not a healthy way to live.  Then newspapers died anyway.

I found I could make good money in my 20s by writing speeches for politicians.  I started a speechwriting business.  Well, it wasn't really a business.  It was just me.  But I wrote speeches throughout the 1980s for many of America's leading politicians, including Governor Pete DuPont, Senator Bob Dole, Congressman Jack Kemp, and even Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.  I even wrote speeches for President Reagan's 1984 campaign and for then Vice President H.W. Bush's 1988 campaign when he won the Presidency.

In 1988, I landed a job as a copywriter at a political advertising agency in the Washington, DC area called American Target Advertising. There I learned the advertising business.   Specifically, I learned about direct response advertising – junk mail and infomercials. 

I became fascinated by advertising – specifically direct response advertising.  Good advertising is largely about understanding human psychology and patterns of human behavior.

It's science.

A man named Richard Viguerie founded American Target Advertising in the late 1960s.  He is a pioneer and titan in the direct marketing field.  I learned everything I could from him.  More on Richard Viguerie and the impact he had on my life later in this book.

After two years of working at American Target Advertising, I decided I knew enough about the direct response advertising business to launch my own advertising agency.

Within two years, I had socked away my first million dollars – thanks in large part to all I learned from Richard Viguerie at American Target Advertising.

I learned that the key to getting rich in this business is to create one successful ad and then sell many copies of it.

There is just no easier way to get rich than to make one of something and sell many copies of it – and adding a royalty or a markup on each copy sold.

I would spend less than a week writing and creating a piece of direct mail.  Often my client would then mail millions of copies of it.  My agency would then collect anywhere from 3 to 10 cents per copy of the direct mail marketing piece – depending on the volume mailed and contract negotiated.

Many of my direct response pieces mailed more than 10 million copies.  Multiply this by a nickel royalty per copy mailed and that comes to $500,000 for about three days work

Not bad.

Now this was not all profit to me.  I had built an agency with ten employees.  So I had salaries to pay and office overhead costs. 

But that was the business model.  Create something once.  Then sell many copies of it.

And do that every day.  Life was great.

But then something happened in 2004. 

I went through a nasty divorce with my first wife.

Without getting into the details of that, suffice it to say we just had different views of what life should be.

She liked the giant house in the fancy neighborhood with fancy cars in the garage.

I preferred a simple life. I was perfectly happy in the modest townhouse we had early in our marriage before I started making real money.  I didn't see why we needed a lifestyle that cost $50,000 a month just to make ends meet.

So the marriage fell apart.  

I made the decision to just give her almost all assets – totaling about $1.8 million, leaving myself $72,000.

$1.8 million was quite a lot in 2004. So I left myself with 3.6 percent of our assets.  I gave her 96 percent of our assets.

"Why would you do that?" you might wonder.

There's no good explanation for it.  I grew up in Vermont in the 1970s, so had a bit of a hippie mindset.  I really never saw money as that important.  So I just told her: "You can have it.  I'll start over."

I also wanted to make sure our four kids were secure and had enough money for college. It was important to me that they felt secure in life and would not have to change their standard of living because of the errors of their parents.

Plus, I figured I could always make back the money.

Besides, I still had my business, my clients, and my income.  I'll just build back.  No problem.

I also thought giving her 96 percent of our marital assets would also peace.

In addition, I thought this would actually be cheaper in the long run than continuing with this $50,000 per month lifestyle just to make ends meet.

I also agreed initially to pay her $18,000 per month in child support and alimony.

This was later reduced in subsequent litigation to $12,000 per month in child support and alimony, with child support payments extending to age 22 for each child.

Remember, I only kept $72,000 in cash.  She got $1.8 million; plus $12,000 per month in support.

The problem was I was $100,000 short on the initial $1.8 million she was supposed to receive.  For some reason, I agreed to give her $100,000 in cash more than the $1.7 million in marital assets that we actually had.

I would have to borrow the money to deliver the $100,000 additional cash I owed..

The problem was no bank would lend me the money given this divorce settlement and given that I had almost no cash left.  In fact, the $72,000 I had received from the settlement was chewed up fast by lawyers.

So I was broke and owed my ex a $100,000 lump sum cash payment . . . due in 60 days

But I still had my business that was throwing off plenty of cash, right?

Well, not quite.

Once I failed to deliver on the $100,000 lump sum payment to my ex, she sued.

Her lawyers sent subpoenas to all my clients, demanding to depose them.  As a general rule, one's clients don't want to be caught in the middle of a nasty divorce proceeding.

The last thing they want to see is discovery subpoenas flying through the door with demands to be deposed.  So my clients ran for the tall grass. They disappeared and ghosted me.

My ex hauled me into the court in Fairfax County, Virginia – a wealthy suburb of Washington, D.C.  

My lawyers quit the day before my hearing because I owed them money, with no way to pay.

I could tell right away it would not go well with this female judge – a woman called Judge Leslie Alden.

She had my tax returns and bank statements.  It looked to her like I was making a lot of money.

My income appeared to be between about $50,000 per month.  But that was before my clients went away due to all the subpoenas that were flying into their businesses from my ex.

"When will you pay Mrs. Hart the $100,000 you owe her, Mr. Hart?" she bellowed.

She sounded exactly like Judge Judy on TV.

"As soon as I can, Your Honor.  I need to build my business back up."

"When will you pay Mrs. Hart the $100,000 you owe her, Mr. Hart?" Judge Leslie Alden asked again.

"As soon as I can, Your Honor.  I need to build my business back up," I repeated.

"I will ask you one more time, Mr. Hart.  When will you pay Mrs. Hart the $100,000 you owe her?"

Judge Alden was looking visibly angry at this point.

"I don't know what else to say, except that I'll pay her the money as soon as I can."

Her next words were: "Bailiff, remand Mr. Hart to the custody of the sheriff."

I didn't care much about money when I let my ex have all our stuff.  But I sure could have used $100,000 right then.  

LESSON: It's easy to sing "Kumbaya," "Give Peace a Chance," and to say we don't care about money . . . until you need money to stay out of jail.

Everyone needs money.

The next thing you know, I was sitting in a large holding cell in the Fairfax County jail with a large crowd of inmates waiting to be processed in – to include MS-13 gang members and members of the notorious R Street gang in Washington, DC.

I was still dressed in my business suit when I entered the holding area.  This large holding cell contained maybe 40 other inmates. The jail door clanked behind me.  An enormous 300-pound black guy called "Big Daddy" said to me: "Hey, what are you in here for  with that nice suit, red tie, and shiny shoes – some kinda computer fraud, bank fraud, or something? You look like a banker."

I said: "Nah, I came up short on money I owe to my ex-wife."

So I launched off into my story about what had just happened in court.

Big Daddy called the other inmates over to hear the story.  About a dozen gathered 'round to listen.  Big Daddy was clearly the dominant figure in the group.  His voice was loud and booming.  Plus he was huge.

So they all gathered 'round.  Some of them looked like they were from the movie Menace II Society.  "Hey guys, come on over here and listen to this.  This story is great."

I was sitting on a cement bench next to Big Daddy.  We were there for a few hours because life in jail is not a fast-moving process.

They seemed to like me.  They were laughing.

They couldn't believe I agreed to give my ex $1.8 million, plus $12,000 per month, but had come up $100,000 short due to my ex at the end of the marriage.  Plus, this judge, by the name of Leslie Alden, tacked on another $48,000 to cover attorney fees for my ex, plus interest – money I do not have.  So now I owed $148,000 to my ex, due immediately.

"Why the f____ did you do that?" said the guy who looked like a character in Menace II Society.

Then Big Daddy said: "Here's what you need to do.  As soon as you get access to a phone, you need to call your ex. And in your sweetest possible voice, you need to say 'Dear, sweetie, honey. I can't pay you any money sitting in here.'  And then make a deal."

Then one of the guards called out my name.  I exited the holding cell area with the guards.  A guard put me in handcuffs and led me to the processing area. I was seated, handcuffed to a metal chair next to an officer who was inputting data into a computer.  He pulled up my record.

He looked at me and said: "What did you say to this judge to get a year in jail?"

"Wait, what?" I asked.  "I'm here for a year?  What for?"

Judge Alden had never said anything about this.  All she had said was "Bailiff!  Remand Mr. Hart to the custody of the sheriff."

That was all she said.  Nothing about a year in jail!

The officer read from the screen: "Well, this says you're in here for contempt of court.  It says you owe $148,000 to your ex-wife.  And you're here for a year.  How did you get $148,000 behind on your support?"

"Well, it's not really support, " I said.  "I paid my ex $1.7 million in assets we had – which was pretty much all our assets.  I also agreed to pay her $12,000 per month in support.   But I was $100,000 short on cash due at the conclusion of the marriage.  Then the judge tacked on another $48,000 to cover attorney fees for my ex, plus interest.  So now I’m $148,000 short, due immediately."

"Why the Hell did you agree to all that?" asked the processing officer.  "My guess is you thought you were buying peace with your ex.  Instead, you made her even more angry.  She took this as you were willing to pay her millions of dollars to just go away.  Who was the judge in your case?"

"Judge Leslie Alden," I said.

"Oh, that explains it," said the cop.  "Yup, that judge hates men."

After the officer finished inputting my info and giving me an inmate number, I was taken in cuffs to an area and given an orange jump suit.  I changed into that.  The cops then took my business clothing, wallet, watch, phone, and everything I had and put it all in a plastic bag for safe-keeping, to be returned whenever I got out.

I was then chained to about 12 other inmates.  We were led to our cell block.

My cellmate was a Cherokee Indian who said he'd been convicted of 47 felonies, most recently attempted murder.

But we got along fine.

Looked like Judge Leslie Alden really wanted to send me a message.  This was no white-collar "work release" type program for non-violent offenders.  She put me in the worst hole in Fairfax County – apparently for a year.  It was actually underground, no windows.

There are about 1,800 inmates in the Fairfax County jail.

Evidently, the reason Judge Leslie Alden sentenced me to only one year there is that's the maximum amount of time you can spend in county jail.  Any longer, and they have to move you to a state prison facility

So I was there for the max.

The way our cell block was set up is there was a common area that's linked to six cells where we slept.

We were locked out of our sleeping cells all day.  So the 12 inmates in this cell block were in the same small all-cement common area all day. So we just spent all day shooting the bull.  That's all there was to do.

There was one toilet and shower out in the open in plain view of everyone.  You get used to it after a while.

I got along fine with everyone – even though most were there on serious violent felony charges. We spent a lot of time talking about how to get me out of there.

We concluded that what I needed to do was write a letter to the judge and offer a payment plan.

We talked about how much I should offer.

I thought maybe $2,000 per month.

They thought that was way too much.  "Problem is, if you can't come up with that money every month, you'll be right back here," said the MS-13 guy who was covered in tattoos, including tattoos on his face.

"Offer $300 per month" said a white guy with a Nazi swastika tattoo on his neck who looked like Charles Manson.

I settled on offering $1,000 per month to Judge Leslie Alden and see what happens.

Everyone in my cell block thought that was way too much. But I had to get out of there. I also figured Judge Alden isn't stupid.  She must know I can't pay my ex anything sitting in here.  And my ex was already getting $12,000 per month.  

But I could not continue paying that sitting in here either.  

So it was in everyone's interest to get me out of there pronto so I could start making money again.

The problem was I could not get a pen.  We were not allowed to have anything that could be used as a weapon.

After three days in there, I got a visit from the head of the prison – the warden himself.

He came all the way down to the deepest darkest hole in the prison to find out what I had done to end up there.

Out of 1,800 inmates, he wanted to talk to me.

I guess he had read my file and wanted to hear the story. Maybe the story of what happened to me in court was making the rounds.

"So, how did you get $148,000 behind on your child support?  And why did the judge put you here?" the warden asked through the bars in a small window of the steel door to our cell block.

"I did not get $148,000 behind on my child support," I explained.

I then went through all the basic details of how I paid her $1.7 million, plus $12,000 per month of support.  All payments made.  But that I had fallen short on an additional $100,000 I had agreed to.

Just wasn't able to come up with the dough. Then the judge tacked on another $48,000 to cover my ex’s attorney’s fees, plus interest, taking the total I now owe to $148,000, due immediately.

"Who was the judge?" the warden asked.

"Judge Leslie Alden," I answered.

"That explains it," said the warden.

He paused. Looked at his file of papers.  

Then he said: "Even though you've been sentenced to be here, I'm moving you to work release.  Trouble is we don't have any jobs for you to do that will pay off this $148,000 debt. The jobs we have pay $7 per hour.  People who are here because they are behind on child support pay their child support that way.  But this is not going to help you get out of your situation.  Well, let me see what I can do about this.  I can't have you down here."

About a day later, guards arrived.  They took me to the work-release facility.

This was low security.  I was able to get a pen and write a letter to Judge Leslie Alden with my proposal to pay my ex $1,000 per month toward the $148,000 I owed her, plus keep up with my other obligations under the divorce decree.

I did not hear anything back.

I thought, "Welp, I guess I'm here for a year."

I started to accommodate myself to this reality.  It's amazing how humans can get used to almost any reality over time.  Whatever your situation is becomes the new normal, the new baseline for existence.

I met some very interesting people in there – including a high-powered attorney who was in there on some kind of fraud.

I became friends with a tall black kid named Alan.  He was about 6' 6" and a martial arts expert.

When he wanted to watch a particular TV show, he would stand in front of the TV in a martial arts pose so no one would dare try to change the channel.

He and I would have what I called contests to find out who is "The Better Man."

We would have push-up contests, chin-up contests, and play chess.

But he was highly rambunctious.  He was a kid – maybe age 18 or 19.

What he liked to do is practice his karate kicks and punches that would stop one inch from my nose.

I told him:  "Alan, stop doing that.  See all these cameras around here.  They're going to think you're violent.  They'll take you out of here and put you down in the hole."

Alan was basically a good kid.  Just had a lot of energy.

About five days had passed since I sent my letter to Judge Leslie Alden offering to pay my ex $1,000 per month toward the $148,000 I owed her.  Again, this would be an additional $1,000 per month on top of the $12,000 per month I was obligated to pay under the divorce decree.  So this would be a total of $13,000 per month I would now be paying.

I hadn't heard anything from Judge Alden.

Didn't even know if the judge had received my letter.  

I assumed not.

Then one day at around 5:00 p.m. I was on my bunk bed reading.  I heard a guard yell: "Hart!  Is Benjamin Hart in here?"

"Yeah, that's me," I said.

"Come get your shit and get out of here," he said.

So I went to the booth where they had my stuff.  It was all in a plastic bag.  My business suit was wrinkled and a mess.  But everything was there – my wallet, my watch, my phone.

I called my girlfriend Wanda – who would become my wife a few months later.  I figured any girlfriend who could put up with this is definitely wife material.

I was broke and in jail.  But she had not run for the tall grass to disappear.

I told her I was being released and asked if she could come and pick me up.  I had been in there for eight nights and eight days.

I got out of my orange jumpsuit and back into my wrinkled business suit.  

The warden was there to meet me on my way out.  He had a bemused look on his face.

"You'd better write fast and write every day to keep up with your payments," he said.  "I don't want to see you back here."

"Thank you," I said.  "Thank you for getting me out of the hole and up here.  I'm not planning on coming back."

The problem was I still had to pay my ex $12,000 per month plus now $1,000 per month.

This was no joke, especially since I had no business anymore.  All my clients were gone. And it did not help one bit when they learned I was in jail.

Being in jail had pretty sent my remaining clients running for the hills, never to be seen again.  I now had no income.

How was I going to pay any of this?

Pretty dumb on Judge Leslie Alden's part to do this.  

What was she thinking?

I left jail with $5 in the bank. Wanda was my girlfriend.  I had met her at a karaoke bar.  She's an immigrant from Laos.  I call her "My Best Girl."

Wanda and I existed by maxing out my credit cards and Wanda's credit cards to the tune of about $65,000 – while I rebuilt.

Three months after I got out of the slammer, Wanda and I went to the courthouse and got married on December 6, 2006

I figured anyone who stuck with me through this situation is someone I want in my life.

All my clients were gone.  But she was still here.

She sure wasn't into me for my money at this point. And it can't be my looks she likes.  

She must actually like me for me.

Life is an amazing journey with many twists and turns.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  The problem is: sometimes it kills you.  But I wasn't dead, not yet anyway.

I had a new wife, $5 in the bank and maxed out credit cards.

"Onward and upward for us," I told Wanda while sipping a glass of wine.

True Grit

This is a story about "True Grit" – not the John Wayne movie, and not the version with Jeff Bridges.

This is the Wanda version. 

Having grit is among the most important character traits for winning the game of Life.

When you finish this chapter, you might conclude that any healthy person born in America has few excuses not to succeed in life.

Wanda grew up in Laos.  Her Laotian name was Vandalone.  Wanda is an Americanized variation of her Laotian name.

After the Communists took over Laos in 1975, Wanda's mom and oldest sister Khamsy put together a plan for the family to escape to Thailand when Wanda was age 13.

Wanda's late mom Champa was born in China.  When Japan conquered China and was committing genocide, basically killing everyone, the parents of Wanda's mom put her on a boat when she was about age 15 with a suitcase full of cash.

This was probably in 1943.

Wanda's mom Champa ended up in Laos.  She never saw her parents again. 

Champa arrived in Laos as a 15-year-old girl not knowing any Laotian.

But she built a life there.  She met a guy named One Kingkeo. Yes, "One" was his name – pronounced "On." 

Wanda had two younger brothers, Khamsouk and Khamla; two older brothers Sakda and Samsouk; and four older sisters, Amphone, Sengchanh, Hongonkhone, and Khamsy.

Mamma Kingkeo, Champa, was very industrious.  She knew the value of gold.  So she started a cash-for-gold business.

Mamma also made food products, mostly baked goods, and sold them at the local market.  She put the kids to work in this business, including Wanda.

In addition, Mamma bought a bus and started a bus service.  Either Wanda's father or their oldest son Sakda would drive the bus.  The bus had a route.  People would get on the bus at various stops to go to the market in Pakse, Laos.

So this was a third profitable business for the family.

Wanda's father also worked as a delivery truck driver for the government when the French were running Laos, before the Communists took over. 

The driving entrepreneurial force in the family was Wanda's mom Champa.

She made enough money with her baked goods, cash-for gold, and shuttle bus businesses that Wanda's family was able to buy two houses – paid for the houses with cash.  There were no mortgages in Laos – at least none they knew about.

The house they lived in overlooked the great Mekong River.  The other house was for their extended family.

So they got to be pretty well off financially by Laotian standards of that day.

Then the Communists took over Laos in 1975.   Wanda remembers the bombs, gunfire, and sounds of war vividly.  "We could hear the bombs and gunfire all day and night," says Wanda. 

When the Communists conquered the country, they rounded up many people and put them in labor camps, including Wanda's brother-in-law Kykeo.  He was married to Wanda's older sister Sengchanh.

Life expectancy in a Laotian Communist labor camp was less than two years.

When the Communists came in, they imposed martial law.  Everyone had to be off the streets at night and in their homes.  Lights had to be off by 11 p.m.

Propaganda would blare all day and evening from loudspeakers the Communists set up on the streets.

The Communists rounded up anyone who had served in the military under French rule, was thought to be an agent of France, the US, or who was thought to have been infected by Western ideas.

This included teachers.  It also included Wanda's brother-in-law Kykeo who had served as an officer in the pre-Communist Laotian army. 

One night, Communist military police knocked on the door of their home. They said Kykeo had to come with them to a meeting.

When Communist military arrive at your home late at night to tell you to come with them to a meeting, you know it's probably over for you.  The best thing that might happen is you would end up in a labor camp.

But it's just as likely they would shoot you and dump your body in a mass grave.

Wanda says that if you want to know what it was like, just watch the movies Killing Fields and First They Killed My Father about the Khmer Rouge takeover of Cambodia. 

"That was us, except in Laos," she says.  "That's what I saw."

Wanda's oldest sister Khamsy was a Catholic nun.  She's 12 years older than Wanda. 

About half of Wanda's family is Catholic, the other half Buddhist.

Khamsy was in Thailand doing work for the Catholic Church at a refugee camp when the Communists consolidated their grip over Laos. So Khamsy could not get back into Laos.

From her position at the refugee camp in Thailand, Khamsy made plans to get her family out of Laos.

Khamsy was able to connect with some human smugglers who knew how to get people out of Laos to Thailand.  That was their business – smuggling people out of Laos for money.

You might say they were gangsters.  You could also say they were just trying to survive, like everyone else.  The smugglers were kids in their late teens and early twenties.

Khamsy had some gold. 

Remember, Mamma Champa had built a nice cash-for-gold business.

So Khamsy agreed to pay an amount for each member of the family the smugglers could get out.

The smugglers always wanted more money. Once Khamsy agreed on a price, they always came back with a new price. 

The price was always changing, always going up because they saw Khamsy had some gold.

She would pay half in advance and half on delivery of a family member to the camp.

Wanda's job, at age 13, was to help with the transportation on the Laotian side of the Mekong River.

The family had a large motorcycle.  Wanda was an expert motorcycle rider.

The motorcycle was too big for Wanda.  It was more for her older brother Sakda, who was in his early twenties at this time.

But Wanda rode it a lot.  She loved the motorcycle.

Here's how the escape scheme worked.

Two of the smugglers showed up at the Kingkeo house in Laos.  They brought with them a letter and photo of Khamsy as proof of who they were.  They would then outline the plan.

The smugglers could take two family members at a time who would need to show up at a specified location about 40 miles away out in the middle of nowhere at the edge of the jungle on a certain day at a specified time.

The smugglers would meet them there and take them to Thailand.  That's all they said to Mama Kingkeo.

Then the smugglers disappeared.

At the designated time and day, Wanda would transport two of her siblings on the motorcycle to the drop-off point near the edge of the jungle.  This was an 80-mile round trip.

On the trip involving Wanda's oldest brother Sakda, he would drive the motorcycle and Wanda would ride along with the youngest brother Khamsouk (age 8) between them. 

Wanda would wrap her arms around Khamsouk and Sakda so Khamsouk would not fall off.

At the drop-off point, Sakda would take Khamsouk to meet the smugglers.  They would disappear into the jungle.  Wanda would then ride 40 miles back home by herself.  Her job was to come back with the motorcycle, then conduct the next trip – whenever that would occur.

On this trip, Wanda was riding the motorcycle back to her house from the drop-off point, but she got stuck at a traffic light on an uphill section leading into the Pakse Bridge.

Her motorcycle tipped over while at a standstill because it was heavy.  It was a big bike.

Wanda could not get it back up. 

A Communist soldier spotted her and walked over. 

"I was so worried," Wanda says.

She had her papers.  You were required always to carry papers.  You were not permitted to leave your town without permission.

If she was caught trying to smuggle people out of Laos, she would be taken to a labor camp or even shot along with her entire family.

The soldier did not ask for her papers.

He just helped get the motorcycle upright for Wanda so she could get back on.

And that was it.  Off she went, back to the house.

Weeks would pass between trips. The two smugglers would show up at the Kingkeo house without warning and say they were ready for two more family members. 

Wanda's father was not interested in trying to leave Laos. 

She has one photo of him. 

He was very good-looking.  He looked a bit like an Asian Tom Cruise. 

I can see why her mom liked him. 

But he did not want to leave Laos.  Wanda doesn't know why.

Mamma Kingkeo was the force in the family – the one getting things done, making things happen.

She ran everything – told everyone what to do, when, and how.  She was tough on the kids.  She ran the family almost like the military.

Mamma was very focused on getting the family out of Laos.

She remembered what happened when Japan invaded China when she was a girl.  The Japanese were killing everyone.  The Communists looked almost the same to her – "not quite as bad as the Japanese," Mamma said.  "But very bad."

Finally, it was Wanda and her Mamma's turn to make the trip to Thailand. 

They were the last two left.  The father had disappeared.  Wanda doesn't know where, perhaps to blend in with the extended Kingkeo family and avoid the Communists that way.

Wanda's mom sewed gold into the fibers of Wanda's clothing.  She had done this for all the children.

This way, they would have some money if they needed it.  Gold equals money. You always need money.

One day the smugglers showed up at the house for Wanda and Mamma Kingkeo. 

This time it was not two guys, as it had been in the past.  It was five.  Wanda says this was very scary to her and her mom. 

But she and Mamma decided to go with them.  What choice did they have if they were ever to get out of Laos?   Plus oldest sister Khamsy had already paid them so much money.

So Wanda and her mom went with the smugglers.  They rode in a wagon 40 miles to the edge of the jungle.  Then they launched off through the jungle with the smugglers.

There were maybe 12 or 15 other refugees also there, hiding in the jungle, waiting for the smugglers to arrive so they could begin their journey.  Other smugglers (gangsters) were also there with the refugees – watching their cargo.

Wanda doesn't remember how many there were.  "It was a big crowd of refugees and gangsters, who had guns," says Wanda.

Wanda, Mamma, the smugglers, and the other refugees walked for four days and three nights through the Laotian Jungle. 

Wanda says they had almost no water or food.  She thought she would die out there. 

Plus, if they ever got caught by the Communists, they would all be shot.  No question about that.

"I was so hungry and thirsty.  I had ticks all over me, including one in my eye," says Wanda.

After four days of walking, they finally reached the canoes, which were hidden along the banks of the Mekong.

They all went across the Mekong in the canoes under cover of darkness.

When they all got to the other side, to Thailand, the smugglers separated Wanda and her mom from the rest of the group.  They did not explain why, just said "Come with us."

The smugglers took Wanda and Mamma to a shack many miles into the jungle.

They locked them inside and said they would be back.  So Wanda and Mama slept there for the night.

They were alone, locked in a shack somewhere in the Thai jungle.  Who knows where?

Then just before sunrise, five smugglers showed up.

They told Wanda "Come with us. We are going to the camp."

They told Wanda that her mom would stay there.  "She will come later."

It was just Wanda (age 13) with the five smugglers walking through the jungle.

"I did not know what would happen.  Was I going to be raped and killed?  I didn't know.  Everyone else was gone.  I walked with the gangsters through the jungle many miles, all day."

But the gangsters never touched Wanda.  She says the smugglers were really "not such bad people.  They were just trying to survive, like all of us."

They finally arrived at the refugee camp. 

Wanda's siblings were all at the camp.

When the smugglers met Khamsy with Wanda in toe, the smugglers demanded more money from Khamsy, as always – much more than the price they agreed to.

The smugglers told Khamsy that they had mom locked in a hut out in the jungle a long way from here.  "You pay us more money," they said, "so you can see your mom again."

Mom was their hostage.  The smugglers were demanding ransom – a lot of money.

But then mom walked into the camp soon after Wanda had gotten there with the smugglers.

Mamma Kingkeo had escaped from the shack and had followed them to the camp.

Wanda started laughing at the smugglers.  Not so much to make fun of the smugglers.  She was more just thrilled to see her mom come walking into the camp.

Wanda's older brother Sakda heated up some tweezers and removed the ticks from Wanda's body, including the very painful tick in Wanda's eye.  The ticks had gotten very big, bloated with blood – and "very painful, especially the one in my eye," she says.  "I thought my head was going to explode."

Wanda and her family lived in that refugee camp for almost two years.  Wanda and the Kingkeos were finally granted refugee status.  They could choose either to live in France or the United States.

All chose to come to the United States, except the church told Khamsy she was needed in France.

Khamsy was a nun, so had to go where the church wanted her.  So Khamsy ended up living in France.

Wanda was very sad about that.  Khamsy had been like a second mom to Wanda.

Wanda and her family arrived on a boat in San Francisco in November of 1979.  She was 14 years old by this point, almost 15.  She was wearing sandals and a Laotian dress.

Her possessions amounted to one pair of sandals and two dresses.

Wanda says arriving in America was "like landing on another planet.  It just looked so different than anything I had seen before."

The family was placed in Kensington, Maryland, where a sizeable Laotian community had taken root.

Wanda and her siblings were placed in the local public school. Wanda was put in 9th grade. 

Wanda knew no English and could not find a Lao-to-English dictionary.  But she found a Thai-to-English dictionary, so used that to get by in her classes. 

When she first arrived at school, she did not even know enough English be able to distinguish between the boys and girls restroom.  She just followed her younger brother Khamla (now Michael) into the boys room.

The other kids all laughed at her when she walked out.

But by using her Thai-to-English dictionary, she was able to get through the 9th grade "with C's mostly," she recalls.  Her English got much better.  So she was able to get through high school with a B average.

Here's Wanda at age 15.

Mamma Kingkeo suffered a stroke during her second year in America.  She remained alive, but was in a coma for 23 years until she died in 2004. Many times, doctors recommended to Wanda's siblings that they pull the plug on mom.  But the kids refused.  They took care of their mom in a coma for 23 years.

This was very hard on the family.

So Wanda and her siblings raised themselves in America. 

Oldest brother Sakda adopted the name Peter and became the father figure.  "I think of Sakda like my true father," Wanda says.  "He made sure we all got to school and made us do our homework."

Upon graduating from high school, Wanda took some classes in desktop publishing at Montgomery County Community College.  She learned how to use Adobe PageMaker, Quark Xpress, Excel, and Lotus.

She also became a very good typist.  She could type at a lightning-fast 120-words per minute. 

She landed a job at GEICO in data entry and as a typist. 

Her desktop publishing skills also allowed her to layout a number of GEICO's publications.

She took some more courses at Montgomery Community College – including courses on how to become a legal secretary. 

"I would take any class GEICO would pay for," she says.

She would constantly check job openings within the company to see if she might be able to move up.

She landed a job as a legal secretary in GEICO's legal department.

She was awarded "Employee of the Month" five times at GEICO's corporate headquarters in Chevy Chase, Maryland, where there are thousands of GEICO employees.

I'll repeat: Wanda was awarded Employee of the Month five times at GEICO.

Let that sink in.

She kept winning Employee of the Month because she would never miss a day of work and could do so many things.  One night it snowed many feet.  No one showed up for work at the GEICO corporate headquarters except Wanda.

So she would answer the phones and perform any and all customer service duties that day.

When she had a question, she would call her boss at home.  "What are you doing there?"  he asked.  "There's four feet of snow on the ground.  Didn't you get the message to stay home?"

Her supervisors loved Wanda. 

She was a legal secretary who could type 120 words per minute.  She could lay out their publications with her desktop publishing skills. 

She was never late, not even by a minute.  She never missed work – not one day, ever.

"I never understood how people can say they were late because of traffic," Wanda says.  "Didn't they know there was traffic?  Isn't there traffic every day?"

Wanda also oversaw the private detectives who would conduct investigations for GEICO's legal cases.

And she would keep track of when GEICO's lawyers had to be in court to file their motions and argue their cases.

She even learned how to write and file motions with the court on behalf of GEICO.

She would use previous court motions as a template and just fill in the new info.

The lawyer would look it over and make some adjustments to the motion.  But Wanda had already done 90 percent of the work for the lawyer.

She essentially ran the legal department at GEICO.

"Do you know you are supposed to be in court in 30 minutes?" she would tell the lawyer.  "You need to get going, now."

Her brother-in-law Kykeo did manage to escape from the Communist labor camp in Laos after five years there.

That's an incredibly harrowing story on its own. He had somehow made his way to Australia, where he opened a restaurant and became quite prosperous.

I'm only giving you a thumbnail sketch on what Wanda and her family went through. 

At some point, I'd like to write the story of their family.  There are so many angles and subplots to their story – like War and Peace.

Their story could certainly be a Hollywood movie.

Wanda's oldest brother Sakda (Peter) also became very prosperous.  He became skilled in technology and engineering.  He worked 60-hour and 80-hour weeks for Siemens installing security systems, collecting lots of overtime pay.

He also bought many rental properties and became a multimillionaire, at least in terms of net worth.

He sunk every dollar he had into his rental properties.

Wanda also bought rental properties with money she was earning from GEICO plus her weekend job working as an assistant to a major realtor in the Washington, DC, area. Wanda would show properties for this realtor, named Rachel, and learned the ropes.

Wanda now has 27 tenants and properties worth well over $2 million. She's built her small real estate empire almost entirely herself, with very little input from me.

When I reflect on all that Wanda has been through and overcome to achieve what she's achieved, it more than annoys me when I hear Americans tell me how stressed out they are about life.

She escaped the Communists when she was age 13, for Pete's sake. She arrived here with nothing, not knowing any English. 

But she was able to make a great success of herself because she has True Grit.

The same can be said about the rest of her family.  These are very tough people. I believe success comes to those who have "True Grit."

I love the movie also – both the John Wayne version and the more recent version with Jeff Bridges.

In both movies, the little girl Mattie was the one with "True Grit."

The Laotian version of "True Grit" was Wanda and her family.

Those with "True Grit" are people who persevere, who know how to survive, who know how to put one foot in front of the other and push forward no matter what the obstacles.  They never wilt in the face of adversity.  The word "quit" never enters their mind.  Quit is never an option.

Once I got out of jail (after eight days and eight nights), Wanda left her nice comfortable secure job at GEICO to help me build our Internet business.  This is yet one more thing I admire and love about her. 

She's willing to take a chance.  She defines rugged. She loves fun and adventure.  She has no fear.

I love thinking about her ripping across the Laotian countryside on that motorcycle, dodging the Communist soldiers – like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape, except she was a skinny 13-year-old girl.

"You know, I really am one tough bitch," she said, laughing one night over dinner.  "We are unbreakable."

Our Internet Business

It was August of 2006.  I had gotten out of jail.  My business was destroyed. I had to figure out how to build a business that did not have clients.

My ex was still out there with her Pitbull lawyer and her subpoenas. I was a couple of months behind on my $13,000 per month payments to her.

If I had clients she could find, they'd have subpoenas from her on their desks in no time. I needed to fly under the radar for a while – until I could get caught back up.

The last thing I wanted was to get dragged back in front of Judge Leslie Alden.  I needed to go underground – effectively hide out for a while until I could build a new business.

But what business?

I thought: You know, I bet I could sell a course over the Internet on "How to Write Blockbuster Sales Letters."  So I quickly wrote a book titled How to Write Blockbuster Sales Letters.

This is a great book, by the way.

I wrote another book titled How to Write Advertisements That Sell. I then thought: rather than sell these books, I would sell a course.

You can only sell a book for maybe $15 or $25.

But you can sell a course for $1,500, $2,500, $5,000 or more.

A course has much more "perceived value" than a book.  Same material.  Just different packaging.

It's a psychological thing. This is also an important marketing secret.

But I worried about charging $1,500 or $2,500 right out of the gate. So, I thought, perhaps I should sell this course as a subscription and deliver it in bite-sized chunks.

Effectively, deliver each chapter as a class.

The subscription price I settled on was $37 per month. The cost was a bit more than $1 per day – or about the cost of a cup of coffee per day.

You got the first month for $1. Then it was $37 per month after that. You could cancel at any time.  And if you were not satisfied after 90 days, you could get a full refund.

That would be the offer.

There was only one problem.

I had no idea how to build a website.  So I bought Microsoft Frontpage – a great software program that Microsoft discontinued long ago.  Within one week, I was able to put up my first website. 

I also learned some Adobe Photoshop, so was able to create decent images.  Wanda also knew Photoshop.

Over time, I learned HTML and some Java – which isn't really needed, but helps.

I then needed to find a way to take payments over the Internet.

I found I needed several things: a shopping cart program, a payment gateway, and approval as a merchant by Visa, Mastercard, American Express and Discover.

This was pretty much solved by signing up with PayPal, Authorize.net and 1shoppingcart.com.

I also needed a good email marketing system.  This was solved by signing up with Aweber.com

But what would be the most effective advertising method on the Internet?

My background was postal direct mail (junk mail), non-digital advertising. Remember, this was in 2006.  The Internet was still in its infancy – still the Wild West.

Then I read that a program called Google AdWords is an effective way to advertise on the Internet. So I read up on that, took all of Google's introductory courses on how to use Google AdWords and started testing some ads.

Whamo!

Instant success.

I compiled a "lead generation" ebook titled The 100 Greatest Sales Letters Every Written and offered this as a free gift to anyone who signed up to get on my email list.

I created "landing pages" (reply forms) to collect these names and email addresses.

Once people signed up to get the free ebook, a verification email would go out to confirm they are a real person with a real email address (not a bot) and they would get their free ebook.

A few minutes later, they would get an email sales letter offering the course on "How to Write Blockbuster Sales Letters" and "How to Write Advertisements That Sell" for a $1 trial subscription that then becomes $37 per month after 30 days unless they cancel.

I set all this up as a series of automatic emails that would go out at specified time intervals, using the Aweber email marketing system.

The way I delivered this course was with weekly podcasts plus written materials with exercises.

My members needed the access info to hear the podcasts, see the videos, and get the course materials.

Students could upgrade to one-on-one coaching with me reviewing their work for $500 per hour.

Once I got all this set up and launched my Google AdWords campaign, orders started pouring in.

One order every 30 minutes or so.  Whatever I was spending on Google AdWords was paying for itself in 30 days once the first $37 monthly payment kicked in. Then it was all profit after that.

Wanda was tracking orders, processing any refunds requested, and taking customer service calls.

I was creating the content and the courses.

Trial subscriptions were coming in not just from the U.S., but from all over the world.  We were getting subscriptions from Europe, China, all over Asia, the Middle East, from everywhere.  I had a big following in China and Japan.

Within 90 days of launch, we were pulling in $30,000 per month for a cost of about $10,000 per month on Google AdWords.

So then I launched another course titled "How to Use Google AdWords to Build Your Business."

This was also a blockbuster success.

Within six months, we were taking in $70,000 per month for a cost of about $30,000 per month on Google AdWords.

The advertising was getting more expensive per new subscription.  But that always happens when you are casting a wider net.

After about 18 months of doing this, we were able to get gross revenue up to about $160,000 per month with an advertising cost of $80,000 per month.

Again, more costly for each new subscriber.  But we were casting a wider net. 

There appeared to be no limit to how big this could become.

So I was easily able to get caught up with all my back support payments owed to my ex-wife.

This allowed me to come out of hiding.

Of course, she sued me.  But I was caught up, plus paid her interest.

The judge even said: "But he's caught up.  He's even paid you interest.  What do you want me to do?"

This was a different judge, a judge named Murphy.  Not Leslie Alden.

I have nothing at all against my ex.  We are just very different people.  We actually get along fine today.

I certainly can't blame her for trying to get all the money she can from me, and then enforcing our agreement.  I blame myself for making a stupid agreement.

That's not her fault.  That's on me.

I give her credit for being smart.

My ex got remarried to a great guy who runs a cancer research institute at Northwestern University.

I always want good things for her.

So Wanda and I were sailing along with our very profitable Internet business – a new trial subscription coming in every 20 minutes or so that would become $37 per month in 30 days, most likely.

We were in high cotton – taking in about $160,000 per month, $80,000 net per month net after advertising costs.

But then something bad happened.

Google shut down my AdWords advertising account.

They said I was violating Google's copyright and trademark because I was using Google's colors on my advertising materials to advertise my course on how to use Google AdWords.

I wasn't using the logo.  But I was using rainbow colors.

So I removed the rainbow colors from my course promotion materials and relaunched my ad campaign.

Within a few days, my Google AdWords campaign was shut down again.

Google told me my course promotion materials did not include the "R" trademark symbol where I mention the Google name.  So it was trademark infringement again.

I should have just stopped trying to sell my "How to Use Google AdWords to Build Your Business" course, and focused on selling my other courses.  But I relaunched again.

I used no rainbow colors.  I included the "R" trademark every time I mentioned Google or AdWords.

Welp, they shut down my Google AdWords account again – this time permanently, they said.  It was a "three strikes and you're out" kind of thing.

My "How to Use Google AdWords for Beginners" video on YouTube was also deleted by Google, which owns YouTube.  That was tragic because that video had more than 1,000,000 organic views – meaning views not generated by ads.  These views were generated by search.

We were getting a lot of subscribers from this video.  Actually two videos – Part One and Part Two.

So that was a big blow.

But Facebook was starting to get pretty big.  It was 2008 by this time.   So I started to look into how to advertise on Facebook.  This turned out to be even more cost-effective than advertising with Google.

Facebook did not yet have as big a reach.  But it was highly successful.  And I did not make the mistake of trying to sell a course on "How to Use Facebook to Build Your Business."

I just kept selling my courses on "How to Write Blockbuster Sales Letters" and "How to Write Advertisements that Sell" – plus some other courses on how to build your business with better marketing.

I also advertised on Microsoft's Bing, as well as other ad distributors.

But then another problem popped up.

Internet Service Providers (ISPs) started blocking my emails as "spam."

Email marketing started to become very difficult.

Both Google and Facebook then started catering to big corporate advertisers and kicking people like me off.  So Internet marketing that was so easy in 2006 became much more difficult by 2009-2010.

Selling on the Internet is a difficult beast to master because the rules keep changing.  It can certainly be done.  You just have to stay on top of what the rules are. 

The Big Tech companies seem only to be interested in the big corporate advertising dollars, so kicked the small players to the curb for the most part.

The net result is content on the Internet (such as on YouTube) has gotten very homogenized, corporatized, and boring.  It's become repetitive, predictable dreck.

Anything that is the least bit controversial or edgy is cancelled – booted off the platform.

But it's the controversial, edgy content that's interesting.

So we find very little creativity anymore on YouTube, Google, Facebook, and Big Tech.  Creativity and originality are gone for the most part – expelled, crushed, erased.

The Internet is no longer the Wild West where creativity reigns.  It's been taken over by corporate America.

This has not been a big problem for me personally because, by the time this started happening, I had rebuilt my offline direct marketing business, which I like better anyway.

I was writing and creating plenty of postal direct marketing packages and mailing about 50 million letters per year, collecting a royalty on each letter mailed.

Fortunately, the U.S. Postal Service doesn't censor or block my content.  The Postal Service does not shut me down.

So I'm back to Old School postal direct marketing for the most part.  And love it.

I no longer manage advertising campaigns. I write the advertising copy (whether postal or digital) and collect a royalty each time my copy or creative product is used.

It's hassle-free.  I no longer have to deal with Google, Facebook, Microsoft or the ISPs directly.

I no longer need to keep up with the technology.

Someone else does that.  They take my postal letters and packages and convert them to digital.

Then I just sit back and collect royalties.  This arrangement makes life so simple.

One of the big lessons here is to stay flexible and go where the opportunity is.  If one path is blocked or becomes too difficult, find another path. 

Should You Follow Your Passion?

If you have watched the Grammy Awards, you have no doubt heard superstar singers, such as Lady Gaga or Taylor Swift, give you this piece of advice: "Just follow your passion and your dreams will come true."

Uhhhh.  Well, actually not.  In fact, that's probably just about the worst piece of advice ever.

What if my dream is to become an NBA basketball star, but I'm not athletic?  I could never have made it to the NBA no matter how hard I worked.

Lebron James was made for basketball.  He has the right genetics. He's 6'9". He has superhuman athletic talent and skill, plus a ferocious work ethic.

If you worked at basketball just as hard as Lebron James, it's highly unlikely you could reach a level in basketball approaching anything close to Lebron.

The odds of a serious high school basketball player going on to play at the NCAA college level is one in 35, or 2.9 percent.

The odds of a starting NCAA basketball player being drafted by the NBA is less than one in 75, or 1.3 percent.

About three in 1,000 high school varsity players go on to become drafted by the NBA.

These are not the odds you want to bet your career and life on.

Among those who are actually drafted by the NBA, the average career length is 4.8 seasons.  Then you're done.

This includes the top players.  Most players who are good enough to be drafted by the NBA last less than two seasons.

So if your passion is basketball, even if you are a great athlete, your odds of being able to make a living playing basketball are tiny.

If you are a singer or musician, your odds of becoming as big as Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift or Bob Dylan are even slimmer.

In life, you're better off playing the odds.

Make singing, dancing, basketball, tennis, guitar, drums and these kinds of activities your hobby.

There are many great reasons to play a sport, sing, dance, play an instrument and do art.  It's good and healthy to take part in these activities.  But the odds of making a good living at these pursuits are remote.

F. Scott Fitzgerald was one of the greatest American novelists of the 20th Century.  But his primary means of making a living was writing advertisements. He wrote novels and short stories at night because that was his passion.  He earned his living during his early career by writing ads. 

Fitzgerald wrote the ad slogan: "We keep you clean in Muscatine."

"I got a raise for that," he said.

"Pretty soon this office won’t be big enough to hold you,” F. Scott's boss told him, praising his ads.

Even F. Scott Fitzgerald, arguably the greatest American novelist of the 20th century, had to make a living.

The great pop singer and artist Barry Manilow also made a living in the advertising business.  He wrote some of the most famous advertising jingles of all time, including:

McDonald's: “You Deserve a Break Today.”

“Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is There.”

“I'm Stuck on Band-Aid Brand, ’Cause Band-Aid’s Stuck on Me!”

Stridex: “Give Your Face Something to Smile About.”

KFC: "It’s A Finger-Lickin’ Good Day."

Pepsi: “Feelin' Free.”

Even a musical genius like Barry Manilow had to pay his bills, had to make a living.  And he made it to the top of the entertainment world.

Few people have the talent and skill to write a jingle like "You Deserve a Break Today" or "Feelin' Free."

Barry Manilow did not write these famous jingles because this was his passion.  He wrote them because he had to if he wanted to keep a roof over his head and put food on the table.

Now imagine what most of us have to do to make a living – probably something much less exciting.

Instead of following your passion, make your passion your hobby.  If someone will pay you to do your hobby, consider that a bonus.

Instead, tip the odds in your favor by learning some skills that you know businesses, organizations and people need and want – need and want every day.

I believe the three most valuable skills to have in today's world are:

1) Learn to write clearly.

Everyone should take a class in business writing.  You will learn how to write a memo, a proposal, a business letter, a presentation.

Learning how to write in a clear, concise, organized manner that businesspeople will easily understand also helps you become a better, more logical thinker.

Writing a business plan, a memo, a cover letter, a proposal forces you to think everything through logically.

2) Take a course in public speaking. 

I recommend the Dale Carnegie course.  This is one of the most useful courses I have taken in my 65 years on the planet.  Good public speakers are seen as leaders – automatically.

Warren Buffett (net worth $120 billion) also says the Dale Carnegie course on public speaking was one of the most important courses he ever took.

Buffett was socially awkward as a kid and as a young man.  He was an introvert. He had a stutter. He was in his zone when analyzing a company's balance sheet and financials.

But he wanted to get investors for his stock fund.  To do that, he would need to make presentations.  To set up meetings, he would need the courage to make phone calls.

3) Learn Technology.

If I could do life over again, I would get more deeply into technology. 

Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk all know coding.  Watch the movie The Social Network to see how Zuckerberg and Facebook got started.

Apple founder Steve Jobs did not know any coding.  His genius was as a product designer and marketer.  Jobs was a creative talent with business sense.  He understood what people wanted.  His insight was to transform the mobile phone into a handheld media device.

Jobs founded two enormously successful companies: Apple and Pixar.

So a deep knowledge of coding is not necessary to have a highly successful and profitable life.  But some knowledge of the most commonly-used coding languages will certainly serve you well.

Most coding today is actually performed by AI.  So more important now is to learn how to use the tools of technology that are now sitting on the shelf.

Knowing some commonly used coding languages and feeling comfortable with technology are foundational keys in the modern world that will help you access the vault full of money.  But other skills are needed as well.

Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Elon Musk did not do any coding after they reached a certain point in the development of their businesses.  They hired others to do their coding – coders who are more expert at coding than they are.  But their coding skills, plus vision and work ethic, got them to a certain base level in their business lives.

If I had to do life over again, I would combine my writing and communications skills with a deeper understanding of technology. 

Knowledge of technology, plus vision, gives you enormous leverage. 

The point here is it would likely be far better to learn truly useful and marketable skills than to just pursue your passion.  Make learning these skills your passion.

Treat learning these skills like mastering a game.

You will tilt the odds much more in your favor if you do that.

When you are young, you might think you'd like to be the next Lady Gaga, the next Taylor Swift, or the next Labron James.

Personally, I would much rather be Elon Musk who is doing real things to make our world better.  He's creating a sustainable planet.  He's trying to transform humans into an interplanetary species.

He's able to do this because of his knowledge of technology.  He has real skills plus vision.

Of course, gaining these skills doesn't mean you will reach Elon Musk's level.  He's a unique human.  But you will reach a very high level by pursuing a similar path.

Here's something else about passion.

People tend to become passionate about what they work hard at and what they become good at.

Many software coders make coding their passion.  They weren't born to love coding.  But the more they did it and the better they got at it, the more they started to like it.  Then the more they became fanatical about it.

They became fanatical about coding and tech because of the power this knowledge gives them.

We tend to love activities we are good at.  We tend to love activities we become world-class at.

The more difficult the activity, the more you are likely to develop a passion for it.  People love to develop skills that few people know how to do – such as ride a skateboard, do handsprings and backflips across the floor, juggle, walk on hands, ride a surfboard on monster waves, walk on a high wire.

So, instead, why not focus on learning some difficult skills that businesses, organizations and people will pay you a lot of money to do – day in and day out? 

Who is more impressive?

The highwire walker who managed to survive the walk from the top of one skyscraper to another without falling to his death?  Or Elon Musk who uses his knowledge of technology to build Tesla, Space X and other companies that are making the world a better place?

Both skills are certainly impressive.  But Musk's understanding of technology is far more valuable.

The more difficult and in-demand the skill, the more money you are likely to make and the more job security you are likely to have.

Learning a software coding language is no different than learning any other language.  But it's much more valuable.

What is software?

It's just data arranged in certain ways with electrical current running through it.

What I've observed is that the one who's in charge of the data runs the world.

So often the most unpleasant person in an organization is the IT guy – the guy running the software who is in charge of all the data because he almost can't be fired.

Some of us sit around and think: "Can't we find someone else?  That guy is such an a**hole."

The answer typically is: "That would be tough.  He's in charge of all our data and systems.  My guess is if we got rid of him, everything would collapse. So it's very high risk to fire him.  He'll probably change all our passwords to obscenities on the way out the door."

Now imagine how much more successful in life he would be if he were an IT specialist with a pleasant personality.  But he doesn't need a pleasant personality because he has the keys to the vault.  He's in charge of the data.  He runs the software and the database on which the company relies.  He's in the catbird seat.

My thesis is we are seeing an acceleration toward a Tech Oligarchy.

I think we are there now, but will just become more so.

The "haves" will be in the tech economy – good at tech or heavily into tech.

Semiconductors have to be replaced/upgraded every two years.  We'll just continue to need more and better and faster chips.

Artificial Intelligence will continue to move to the forefront.

Robots will replace low-skilled workers more and more.  We won't need many human police officers.  Robots equipped with AI will patrol the streets.

The "have nots" will be those in jobs that will be replaced by tech and robots.

Trucks and cars will be self-driving.  So no more need for truck drivers or Uber drivers.

No more fast-food workers.  All that will be automated.

Drones and self-driving vehicles will deliver your groceries.

Factories will all be automated.  No more assembly-line jobs, or very few – perhaps just a few people standing around watching the robots work.  If you know how to repair the robots, you'll be fine.

We'll need fewer doctors. They will largely be replaced by machines.  Machines will scan your body, analyze the results, and conduct surgery far better, more efficiently and more cheaply than humans.

I'm an investor in a company called Intuitive Surgical that's making part of this happen.

There won't be much need for teachers either.  The teaching will be done by robots and artificial intelligence.  Your teacher will be a hologram – perhaps Einstein or Aristotle.  Instead of just reading about the Civil War, you'll be plopped in the middle of a 3D animation of a Civil War battle – a hologram.  The Civil War battle you are in will look and sound real.

You won't need to own a car anymore.  It will be much cheaper for the self-driving car to just pick you up and take you to wherever you want.  There will never be any traffic jams because all traffic will move at the perfect speed with ideal and efficient spacing between vehicles, controlled by GPS systems and AI.

We will see an acceleration of this shift.  This is not happening in the distant future.

This is happening now. 

We will probably need to move to a Minimum Basic Income just to keep low-skilled folks alive.  It will become a very dystopian situation.

So why not make learning technology your passion?

Why not learn how the digital world works by getting under the hood?

Consider becoming an ethical hacker.

Banks, financial institutions, all big businesses and organizations pay ethical hackers enormous sums of money to find the security weaknesses in their systems.

Why not treat mastering the digital universe as a game you try to become great at?

That's what I would do if I were starting life over.

Build a Stack of Skills

Specialists tend to make more money than generalists.

A brain surgeon usually earns more than a general practitioner.  A top patent lawyer usually earns more than a general practice lawyer.  A skilled app developer will earn more than an office IT Administrator.

This is certainly true.

But if you can stack other skills on top of your specialized technical skill, you can earn exponentially more.

Let's say your base-layer specialized technical skill is as a software coder and app developer.

Most likely, you will need to have spent 70 percent of your education time learning your base layer software coding skills.

But let's say you can add the following skills on top of your software coding skills:

1) Get along well with people

2) Good writer

3) Good public speaker 

4) Know how to explain things

5) Understand some basic business principles

6) Design

7) Salesmanship

8) An entrepreneurial mindset

9) Basic knowledge of how businesses operate

10) A problem solver

If you can stack these softer skills on top of your base layer software coding skills, you can be on your way to becoming the next Elon Musk.

Well, that might be a stretch.  To get to that level would require many combinations of factors – to include internal motivation, vision, insight, and a superhuman work ethic.

But you could be on your way to starting and/or running a major tech company or a division of a major tech company – if that's something you aspire to.

Think of each skill as like a Lego building block that can be used in many different combinations.  I used to love Legos as a kid because the combinations I could arrange the blocks in were infinite.

I might get a very nice shiny fire truck for Christmas.  It would look perfect.  And it would hold my attention for 15 minutes.  Then I'd be back to the pile of legos.  Maybe I'd build a fire truck with the legos or a fort or a skyscraper.  That was interesting.

The skills you master and assemble are like lego blocks.  The more lego blocks you have, the more interesting things you can build.

So far as we know, there are only 118 elements in the known universe.  These are catalogued in the periodic table.  The key elements for life are oxygen, carbon, and hydrogen. These three elements make up about 96 percent of living matter.  Other elements include calcium, phosphorus, potassium, sulfur, and a few other elements account for most of the remaining four percent.

These seven elements are arranged in all kinds of different ways to create the infinite variety of life we see.

You can achieve something like this if you stack some additional key skills on top of your base layer skill.  You need a base layer skill – the skill you spend 70 percent of your time learning.

But if you can add becoming a good public speaker, a good writer, and acquire good people skills you can become exponentially more successful.

My base-layer skills are a good knowledge of direct marketing and writing. 

I also learned to become a decent public speaker, and I generally get along well with people.  I'm good at explaining things.  Plus I have some basic business sense and a good work ethic – no where near as strong a work ethic as Elon Musk, but pretty good.

I don't like working hard for more than about five hours a day.  That's my limit.  I could make a lot more money, exponentially more, if I was willing to work hard for 12 hours a day or 18 hours a day.

But I'm not trying to colonize Mars the way Elon is.  I'm not trying to run a Fortune 500 Company. 

That was never my goal.  My goal is to work as hard as I need to in order to live a pretty relaxed, reasonably prosperous life.  My goal is to have fun and to experience life.

Part 2: Be the Driver of Your Life

The Law of Cumulative Actions

Forget the get-rich-quick schemes. If it sounds too good to be true, it almost certainly is.

Don't worry about hitting grand slams.  Just focus on singles, doubles, and getting on base.

If a fat pitch over the plate shows up, pounce.  Put yourself in position to hit the big payday.

But 99 percent of the time, just hit singles and doubles all day every day.  Just focus on getting on base.

The home runs and grand slams will happen almost by accident. 

Winning this game called Life is mostly a numbers game, a cumulative numbers game.  Do the little things right every day, day in and day out.  Great things will happen.

Success is 20 percent knowledge, 80 percent behavior over time.

Everyone gets results – good results and bad results, depending on their cumulative actions over time.

If you make a decision to read just 30 minutes every day, you will read 30-40 books per year, assuming the books average 60,000 words and you have average reading speed.

Not bad.  So that would be a good habit to get into.

But bad habits also have a cumulative impact.

Let’s say you consume 100 calories more in food each day than you burn off with exercise.

100 calories equal about 10 Lays potato chips. That’s not much.

But you would gain 10.4 pounds of fat per year if you ate 10 more Lays potato chips than you burn off in fat each day. 

In five years, you would be 50 pounds heavier.  In 10 years you would be 100 pounds heavier.  If you continue this habit of eating 100 more calories per day than your body burns, you will die of obesity.

Or let’s get back to another positive habit.

Let’s say you make a commitment to save $100 per month for 40 years. And let’s say you invest that money in a stock market index fund such as the S&P 500 index of stocks of America’s 500 largest corporations.

The S&P 500 Stock Index has averaged about an 11.42 percent annual return per year since 1928.

I’m measuring since 1928 to include the Great Depression when the stock market lost 90 percent of its value from 1929 to 1933.

But even with the Great Depression, the S&P 500 stock index has increased by an average of 11.42 percent per year.

So let’s say you are 20 years old.  If you make a commitment to put $100 per month into an S&P stock index fund, and if you do this for 40 years, and if we assume the S&P 500 will continue to go up 11 percent per year on average, as it’s done since 1928, how much will you have?

Well, you will have $915,000 by the time you are age 60.

This doesn’t make you rich.  But it would put you in the top 25 percent of net worth for Americans age 60.

And keep in mind that you only put in $100 per month – which is $1,200 per year. 

You only put in $48,000 during this entire 40-year period.  So your net worth becomes literally 19 times what you put into an S&P 500 stock index fund.

This is a 1,900 percent return on your investment over 40 years.

What's happened is you are investing not just $100 per month, which equals $1,200 per year.

You are also reinvesting the 11 percent average return you are getting each year on the money you’ve invested plus on the money that’s been building up.

This is called the "Miracle of Compounding Returns" on your money.

At first, this 11 percent return doesn’t sound like much.

11 percent on your first-year investment of $1,200 is just $132.

But over time, this 11 percent return grows exponentially – so by year 40 your 11 percent becomes $91,500 you are earning on your money each year on average, if you do nothing further.

You can probably live on $91,500 per year – which is much more than you’ll receive from Social Security – if you see anything from Social Security.

And that’s if you just commit to investing $100 per month faithfully for 40 years.

But what if you continued to do this for another five years – for 45 years?

Well, after just five more years of doing this, you would then have $1,600,000 – if your money kept growing at 11 percent per year on average (thus compounding) and if you kept adding $100 per month.

Is that enough to retire on?

Well, not if you want to live lavishly.  But you could probably live reasonably comfortably in your retirement years on $176,000 per year – which is what your investments would be throwing off if you continue to get your 11 percent average annual return.

If you want to be a bit more aggressive, you can also buy a mutual fund or Exchange Traded Fund (ETF) that mirrors the largest 100 stocks in the technology-heavy Nasdaq stock index.

The ticker symbol for that is QQQ.

By investing in this, you’ll be investing in companies like Apple, Google, Amazon, Microsoft, and the tech giants.

Just put your money in there each month and forget about it.  Historically, the annual return for the Nasdaq 100 has been 13 percent instead of 11 percent for the S&P 500.

That extra two percent boost doesn't sound like much, but it adds up and compounds big over 40 years.

Instead of having $915,000 at the end of 40 years, you would have $1.7 million – just by adding the extra 2 percent return on your money by investing in the Nasdaq 100 index instead of the S&P 500 index of stocks.

But let’s say, instead of investing $100 per month in these stock index funds for 40 years faithfully, come Hell or High Water; let's say you find a way to invest $200 per month for 40 years until you are age 60.

And let's assume you are averaging an 11 percent return on your money in an S&P 500 stock index fund.

Well, then you would have $1.8 million by the time you are age 60 – still a relatively young person.

But now let’s extend this out another five years – do this for 45 years until you are 65.

Well, then you will have $3.1 million dollars.

That’s plenty to retire on and live quite well.

Then let's say you increase your annual return to 13 percent instead of 11 percent by investing $200 per month in the technology-heavy Nasdaq 100 index.  What would this deliver?

If you did this for 40 years, you would have $3.4 Million by age 60.   If you did this for 45 years, you would have $6.5 million by age 65.

You can probably live on that.

And that’s if you just commit to investing $200 per month in a Nasdaq 100 index fund every month faithfully from age 20 to age 65.  You will then be a relatively wealthy person by the age of 65.

That’s just what a little commitment – a regular commitment to action – can do for you over time.

If you want to be inspired further on this, read the biography on Warren Buffett by Roger Lowenstein.

Buffett's net worth grew to $120 billion by following this principle.  But instead of getting 11 percent annual return on his money, he was able to generate a 22 percent average annual return on his money by knowing how to study the balance sheets and businesses models of companies.

But Buffett says most people are best off just by putting money each month in an S&P 500 stock index fund and taking the 11 percent average annual return. I prefer the technology-heavy Nasdaq 100 because I believe technology is the future.  I like the 13 percent average annual return from the Nasdaq 100.

You will get rich this way over time.

This is also why you never want to have credit card debt with a high interest rate.

No credit card debt is best – because the Law of Compounding will work against you in reverse if you have credit card debt, often with 15 percent, 28 percent interest rates, or higher.

This is how the credit card companies turn you into their slave.

So you never want to have credit card debt.

It’s very difficult to become wealthy if you have a habit of carrying a balance on your credit cards and paying a 15 percent, 28 percent or higher interest rate.  Almost impossible.

You just dig a bigger and bigger hole for yourself.

You do need a credit card in the modern world.  But make sure you have a credit card that allows you to pay it off each month with no interest rate and no annual fee.

You can also use a prepaid debit card – even better.

You prepay what your monthly budget calls for.  Then when you’ve exhausted it for the month, you’re done – come Hell or High Water.

Your budget must include that $100 or $200 you commit to invest in your Nasdaq 100 stock index fund each month – again, Come Hell or High Water.

It’s called paying yourself first.  Never miss a month of paying yourself that $100 or $200 each month first – that goes into your Nasdaq 100 stock index fund for 45 years.

Now you might not be able to save $200 per month when you are young.  Maybe you can only save $100 per month.  But your income will likely grow as you get older.

So maybe you commit to a schedule of investing $100 per month until you are 30.  Then up it by $100 every 10 years.

It’s best to start with the biggest commitment you can make from the start – starting at age 20, or as young as you can.

But it needs to be a commitment you can manage.  It needs to feel like something you just do – like brushing your teeth.

So if you can invest $100 per month in an S&P 500 or Nasdaq 100 index fund when you're in your twenties, that's good.

Then increase your monthly commitment as your income grows – as it should and will as you get older and more established in your career.  A good benchmark is to sock away 10 percent of your gross income into a Nasdaq 100 index fund (QQQ).

You can use the compound interest calculator at MoneyChimp.com to calculate different scenarios. The key is to make a monthly commitment (every paycheck) to put 10 percent of your gross income into the QQQ.

You will almost definitely get rich if you do that.

Now, this Law of Compounding Returns or Law of Cumulative Actions (as I also call it) works in all areas of life.

Good decisions, healthy habits, have a cumulative effect over time.  And they have a multiplier effect.

The Law of Cumulative Actions can work powerfully in your favor.  Or, it can work powerfully against you.

Good habits have a powerful multiplier effect over time and will lead to great accomplishments. 

Bad habits have a powerful multiplier effect against you that will put you so deep into a hole you will have trouble climbing out.

Eating just 10 potato chips each day (100 calories) more than you burn off through living and exercise means you will be 100 pounds overweight in 10 years, 200 pounds overweight in 20 years.

That time will pass in the blink of an eye.

And this will lead to all kinds of health problems – a multiplier effect.  It will lead to diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure, increased likelihood of early death, increased odds of cancer, lower productivity at work, less likelihood of getting hired for good jobs, low self-esteem, being less attractive to the opposite sex.

The problem of eating just 100 calories extra per day (10 potato chips or a quarter of a container of McDonald’s fries) cascade into many problems in all areas of your life – your health, finances, your love life, you feeling sick and low-energy all the time, and early death. 

This Law of Cumulative Actions is why people who run into trouble with the law have trouble ever escaping the judicial system.

They have a record.  Law enforcement is watching them.  If they get into trouble again, the punishment becomes worse.  It becomes difficult to find work because you have a criminal record.  So often people who have a criminal record commit more crimes – because they can’t get a job, or maybe because that’s all they know how to do.  So they keep ending up back in jail.

I’ve talked to felons who said they would prefer to serve their entire sentence than get out on parole – because it’s almost impossible to live life without violating the very strict conditions of parole. Then you end up back in prison with a longer sentence, even if the parole violation is minor.

So there’s an enormous chain reaction that occurs when you are convicted of a crime.

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 76 percent of prisoners who are released are back in prison within five years; and 57 percent are back in prison within one year.

Is this because these are all terrible people?

Well, no doubt some of the worst ones are bad people – just are genetically wired to be criminals.

But my belief is most just made a bad decision early in life that led to this chain reaction, this negative multiplier effect.  They were convicted of a crime when they were young, perhaps fairly minor on the criminal scale.

This then ends up on their permanent record.  They then have a hard time finding decent work. Meanwhile, they met up with the wrong kinds of people when in prison who taught them how to be a more effective criminals.  Then the dominos in their life began to fall against them.

Or let’s take just relatively minor bad decisions you might make.

Maybe you get pulled over for speeding.  Doesn’t seem like a big deal by itself – going 10 mph over the speed limit.

Doesn’t make you Al Capone or anything.

But you’ll have to go to court and/or pay the fine.  But the cost doesn’t end there.  Your car insurance rates will go up – usually significantly.

Then if you get more than one speeding ticket or moving violation, you’ll find your insurance rates double.  Get three tickets and your license might be suspended.  You’ll have to attend driving school. 

A poor driving record will cost you tens of thousands of dollars over time, in higher insurance rates alone. And that’s before any accidents you have as a result of your poor driving habits.

If you aren’t killed in an accident, you have a much higher risk of killing or injuring someone else – in which case you will be sued for every penny you have.

Bad decisions almost always lead to not just one bad consequence – but a cascading series of bad consequences that fan out in many directions of your life, a multiplier effect.

Your bad decisions often have a negative impact not just on your life, but the lives of many others around you – your loved ones and friends.

But your good decisions and healthy habits also have a multiplier effect on your life – in a positive direction.

I showed you how just making a commitment to save and invest $100 per month into a broad stock market index fund (QQQ) will likely make you a millionaire by age 65 if you start in your early 20s – because of the Law of Compounding Returns.

This works in every area of life.

If you commit to reading a book for 30 minutes a day, you’ll read 30-40 books in a year.

If you decide you want to change the shape of your body, you will need to commit to 30 minutes of rigorous exercise per day five days per week

Set Goals, Big and Small

If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.  "Where there is no vision, the people perish." (Proverbs 29:18)

Another way to say this is: without goals, you will perish.  You will perish psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Goals give you energy and purpose.

When Moses and his people were wandering in the desert for 40 years, their goal of reaching the Promised Land kept them alive and sustained them – gave them motivation.

When Wanda and her family were escaping the Communists in Laos, their Promised Land was Thailand, then ultimately America.

People without goals tend to live lives of misery.  They become depressed.  Many become alcoholics and drug addicts.

No goals, no vision, no purpose beyond merely existing leads to misery and often early death.

So set goals.  Set big goals and small goals.

A big key for me in achieving my goals is to constantly envision success. If you are a gymnast and your goal is to be able to do a back flip on a balance beam without falling off, you must envision yourself doing exactly that.

Envision the huge cheer from the crowd when you hit your back flip in a competition. This is how you stay motivated because you have a picture in your mind of exactly what success looks like and feels like.

This is the dream part of goal setting – imagine the victory.

But a goal is not a goal without a plan.  A goal without action is just a dream, a fantasy that can become a delusion.

A plan is only a plan when you write it down.  If your plan is just in your head, it's really not a plan.

Commit your plan to paper – like a contract.  Your written plan is your roadmap for action.  A plan must be a timeline with mini goals leading to your bigger goal.

A plan followed by daily action transforms your goal from a dream into a reality.  Then when you've achieved that goal, set a new goal.  Write down another plan, with a step-by-step timeline for actions.

I'm not much interested in people's dreams – which are just fantasies.  It's important to have dreams and aspirations in the same way brainstorming is important and useful. 

The dream is what inspires you, motivates you, gets you going.

But at a certain point, you must decide on a path with a target destination.  Then you must commit to the journey, make daily progress toward your goal, and hit scheduled benchmarks.  Once your sights are fixed on your goal, you must be relentless and tunnel-focused like The Terminator.

You must not get distracted by shiny objects.  You must not follow rabbits down rabbit trails.  You must say "no" to everything that's not part of your plan. 

Time is a finite resource.  You cannot get more time.

Achieving serious goals is mostly about ELIMINATION.

Eliminate all distractions, activities and temptations that take you off the path you've charted for yourself.

Systems Over Goals

I got this formulation from Dilbert cartoon creator Scott Adams.

He talks about this in his book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, which I highly recommend.

The concept is this.

Yes, we need goals.  If you don't have a destination in mind, any road will get you there.

We need targets to shoot at. 

Your goals fuel your motivation.

How can you stay motivated without a goal?

You can't.

But goals are usually vague and can change along the way.

Let's say you set a goal of losing ten pounds.

Why ten?

Would it be terrible if you lost 12 pounds instead?

Your goal of losing ten pounds is really a random number. 

What you are really saying is "I'd like to lose 10 pounds, but if I can lose 12 pounds, that's even better."

But what if you only lose eight pounds?

Is that failure?

No, that's not failure.  That's progress.  This tells you that if you just keep doing what you've been doing for a bit longer, you'll lose 10 pounds or 12 pounds or however many pounds you ultimately want to lose.

If you can lose two pounds, then four pounds, you know you have a good system for losing weight.

You will then be able to lose as much weight as you want if you just continue with the same system you've found.

The system is more important than the goal.

The system you develop allows you to achieve one goal, then a bigger goal, then a bigger goal.

Good things flow from good systems.

When I was in my mid-50s, I looked at a photo of myself and realized my stomach was hanging over my belt.

I did not realize how fat I had gotten until I saw that photo.  Then I asked Wanda to take a photo of me in my swim trunks.  I was starting to look like Jabba the Hut.

I was definitely 30 pounds overweight.

I was 158 pounds in college. By age 54, I had ballooned up to 190 pounds.

So I made a commitment to go to the gym every day.   After about six months of doing this, I was able to lose about seven pounds and was able to go from doing 15 continuous push-ups to 25.

Not bad.  This system was working, but it was boring, arduous and just not much fun.

The boring nature of this routine of going to the gym was demotivating.  Other things started coming up, so I would miss workouts.

Then I started picking up weight again, quickly.  That was even more discouraging.

It wasn't long before I was back to 30 pounds overweight.  If I started my routine again of going to the gym every day, I knew it would take me six months to get back to where I was of losing seven pounds – far short of my goal of losing 30 pounds.

The goal seemed out of reach.

Then a friend of mine from high school days named Steve invited me to attend a break dance competition that involved world-class break dancers.  The event was in Philadelphia.

I was blown away by their athleticism. 

I got into a conversation with one of the top breakers there.  He was a Puerto Rican kid who went by the name of "Shorty Brick."

He could do a back flip into a one-armed handstand.  Most of them could do great head spins.  He did hand spins – which is a one-armed handstand . . . plus spinning on his hand.

He did not just walk on his hands.  He could run on his hands.

Shorty was considered one of the top "power" breakers in the world.

Shorty told me he was from Chicago, where Wanda and I happened to be living at the time.

So I asked him if he would be willing to be my fitness trainer. 

He said sure.  I also thought it would be a blast to learn some basic break dance moves.  I thought if I could learn even the most basic break dance steps, it could be a lot of fun at parties.

I also thought this looked like a lot more fun than going to the gym.  Perhaps I could achieve my weight-loss and fitness goals by doing this instead of going to the gym.

So I hired Shorty to teach me break dancing.  We met once a week at a dance studio or gym in southwest Chicago, wherever we could find floor space.

A lesson once a week was enough.  I would then practice what he taught me every day.  Then I'd pay him for another lesson seven days later.

He also showed me his push-up routine.  He did push-ups from all angles – including one-handed push-ups, upside down push-ups, push-ups where you clap your hands between push-ups.

And he showed me his core-muscles routine, along with his pull-up routine and lunge routine.

No weights involved. No gym equipment. Just bodyweight exercises.  But mostly, we just did break dance practice.  He also taught me top rock – which is dancing on your feet.

In break dance, top rock is not graceful, it's explosive.  You're supposed to look more like a gorilla protecting his turf.  A break dance battle is a battle.  It started in the Bronx.

You're in a battle frame of mind.  It's not ballet, more like cage fighting.

So I committed myself to spending about 90 minutes per day on this – practicing my break dance steps and moves, practicing my top rock and doing the push-up routines and body weight exercises Shorty taught me.

The learning curve was steep.  It took me one week to be able to perform one six-step set.  This is a basic break dance step when you are down on the floor.

It took me another full week before I could do one or two three-step sets.  That's another basic break dance step.

If you can just do six-step and three-step when down on the floor, plus add some basic top rock before you hit the floor, you're break dancing.  You can then throw down at a night club and probably get free drinks.

Within six months of doing this, I had lost 25 pounds – dropped from 190 pounds to 165 pounds and could do 80 continuous push-ups.

Obviously, this was nothing close to what Shorty Brick could do.  He could do 200 continuous push-ups, many of them one-handed, some of them upside down push-ups.  He moves like an orangutan. He'll then stop just because he's bored. 

Type "Bboy Shorty Brick" into YouTube, you'll see what I'm talking about. He was age 22 when I met him.

I was very pleased with what I was able to accomplish in just six months. Stunned, actually. So I kept doing it.

After about two years, I saw a Chicago break dance battle announced on Facebook.  It was a two-on-two battle.

I asked Shorty if he'd be interested in being my partner.

He said sure.  So we entered. 

The battle was in a gym at Steinmetz high school in Chicago.

No one knew who I was, but I was obviously a beginner.  They could all tell that the instant they saw me practice.

Also, everyone else was a high school kid or in their early twenties.

So at age 56, they no doubt wondered: "What the heck is this guy doing here?  Is he battling?"

But they all knew who Shorty was – Chicago's #1 breaker.  In fact, Shorty is probably the best breaker in the history of Chicago.

He was world famous for his power moves.

So the fact that Shorty was my partner gave me instant "street cred."

I just explained to the other breakers that Shorty was teaching me how to break. So we entered the 2 v 2 battle and actually advanced past the first round.

Our strategy was to have Shorty do 80 percent of the breaking.  I went out and did the bare minimum.

So Shorty did all his explosive power moves, flips, hand spins, air flares, etc.  A fight broke out at one point.

And we advanced to the next round where we lost – due obviously to me.

But everyone came up to me and wanted to know my story, which I explained.  They were all very nice and invited me to their practices.

I started to go to their practices. I got very addicted to this sport or activity, or whatever you want to call it.

I kept getting better at it; kept entering the battles whenever they occurred.  I started actually winning rounds of battles.

I had no hope of ever being anywhere near a top breaker in Chicago.  I'm nearing age 60 by this point.  But for a 60-year-old to be winning rounds of breaking battles, well, that's unusual.

I started entering professional breaking battles sponsored by Red Bull, Monster, Uber and other major advertisers. I would actually travel to enter the biggest breaking battles in the country – to Philly, Boston, New York, LA.  I became pretty well known because of my age.

The Wall Street Journal heard about me. 

At the age of 60, I was entering the premier professional breaking battle in the nation called the Silverback Open in Philadelphia in 2018.

Now it's no great feat to enter.  Anyone can enter.  More than 1,000 people entered. Then the competition whittles down to the top breakers in the world.

But The Wall Street Journal thought it was newsworthy that a 60-year old was competing in the nation's premier professional break dance competition.  So they showed up with their cameras and a reporter named Jen Murphy to cover me.

The article ran in The Wall Street Journal's "Health and Fitness" section with a video clip of me doing my windmills and head spins.

A few days after the article ran, ABC's "Good Morning America" called me to see if I could be on their show.

So I went on ABC's "Good Morning America," did my windmills, head spins and break dance routine.

I was then interviewed by NFL legend Michael Strahan – also Robin Roberts and Lara Spencer.

Later in the year, ABC "Good Morning America" brought me back again when they were doing a week featuring their "favorite guests of the year."

Then "America's Got Talent" contacted me and invited me to try out for their show.

There was just something about a 60-year old break dancer who started breaking when he was 54 that got a lot of interest.

The AGT auditions were a grueling process that went on for several months.

Thousands of people were trying out for the show.

I managed to make it to auditions with the Celebrity Judges – Simon Cowell, Howie Mandel, actress Gabrielle Union (wife of NBA great Dwayne Wade), actress and dancer Julianne Hough.

I went out there and did all my best moves – including my windmills and head spins.  The live audience of 4,000 people went crazy.

The judges voted to advance me to the next round, to get on TV.  They voted 3-1 in my favor.

Howie Mandel was the most complimentary.  He stood up, clapped and cheered.  Gabrielle Union was very sweet and complimentary.  Even the often-insulting Simon Cowell said nice things.

Only Julianne Hough voted against me. She's a professional dancer.  She could clearly see that my actual dance skills were amateur at best.

Everyone else loved the windmills, head spins and floorwork.  But Julianne Hough could see I was basically a faker when it came to the dance aspect.

However, my act did not actually make it onto TV.

What I learned later is that out of the approximately 150 contestants they advance during the live performances, only about 44 are actually aired on TV.

The rest of us landed on the cutting room floor.  But it was great experience.

The point is the process I had stumbled upon allowed all these extra, unexpected things to happen – surprising things that I never could have planned.

My goal was to lose 25 or 30 pounds.  My goal was to get back into shape.  My goal was to look better.   My goal was to eliminate the belly that was hanging over my belt.

I tried one process for achieving this: Go to the gym every day. Adjust my diet.

This process achieved some benefits.  It's certainly possible to lose weight and get in shape this way. Many people do.

But it was boring.  I started missing days as more interesting things to do kept coming up.

That process, that system wasn't really delivering the results I was looking for.  It was just too difficult to motivate myself to diligently go to the gym every day and then work hard enough to burn off the weight and build up muscle.  The process was just too brutal, too painful, too boring.

But then I fell into this break dance activity.

Break dance practice is actually more brutal and more painful than going to the gym.  But it's more fun and more interesting.  There's also a tight-knit break dance community of mostly inner-city kids that makes it fun. The energy of the battles and roaring crowds becomes highly addictive.

I wasn't focused on the pain of practice and training because I was so focused on learning and practicing the break dance moves.  After a two-hour practice session with the kids in Southwest Chicago, I would get on the scale and find I was five pounds lighter than before I left for the practice two hours earlier.

I actually found I was losing too much weight.  Wanda thought I was looking too emaciated.  I could not eat enough food to keep pounds on so I would look like a normal person because I was burning so many calories at break dance practice.

So I slowed down, put on seven pounds, got my weight back up to 170 pounds.  Wanda is much happier.

I continue to break dance practice at a more moderate pace.  If I find I'm putting on too many pounds, I can step up my break dance practice intensity a bit.  It's a dial I can now turn up or down a bit to achieve exactly the weight I want at any time.

I've found a system that works.  It works because the system has become more the goal than the goal itself.

I no longer have to think about hitting weight goals.

Developing or finding the system is the goal.  Then all kinds of great side benefits flow from the system – benefits you could never have imagined.

When I started taking those break dance lessons from Shorty Brick at the age of 54, I certainly had no expectation that this would help me to do anything more than lose weight, get in better shape, and perhaps get to a point where I could throw down some break dance moves at parties.

I had no expectation that I would actually start entering competitions, professional break dance battles, appear twice on ABC's "Good Morning America," win an invitation to audition in front of Simon Cowell and the celebrity judges on "America's Got Talent" in front of a screaming live audience of 4,000 people.

Some of my break dance battle rounds at Red Bull and other pro-breaking events have more than 200,000 views on YouTube and 500,000 views on Facebook. Because my YouTube channel is monetized, I'm getting some money from YouYube from these views.  Not much, but some money every month.

At age 65, I continue to be the world's oldest actively competing break dancer. Who would have expected any of this when I launched my journey into break dancing at age 54?

These extra unexpected benefits flowed from working the process and system – which, for me, was 90-minutes of break dance practice per day.

And there were other benefits that flowed from this

Break dancing was a doorway for me into the inner cities.  I often teach workshops to kids on how they can lead successful productive lives instead of getting involved in gangs.  The kids respect me and listen to me because I'm a decent recreational break dancer and interested in what they're interested in.

I have been approached by investors who want me to help develop and market a fitness program based on hip hop dance, to include break dance. The concept being if a fat 54-year-old white dude can get into this kind of shape doing this and get on national TV, then maybe this is something everyone should try.

I might create a product like this at some point.  I'm sure it would be successful.  But I'm involved in some other projects right now.  So maybe later.  We have to prioritize our projects.  I have it on my list as an option.

This "Systems Over Goals" approach can be applied to every area of your life.

If you want to meet a girl, you need a system for that. If you want a better marriage, you need a system for achieving that.

When you're at the grocery store, make a habit of picking up some flowers for your wife or girlfriend.

You'll be amazed at the benefits that will flow from that one little system. You have no specific goal in mind by doing this.  It's just part of your system, like brushing your teeth.

If you brush your teeth, floss, and go to the dentist every six months, you'll have good teeth. If you don't, you won't.  You need a system for keeping your good teeth.

Yes, have goals.  You need goals to motivate yourself to act.  You need to have a target to shoot at. But then focus on your system for achieving your goal.

McDonald’s started out as one restaurant.  The first McDonald's restaurant was started by the McDonald's brothers in San Bernardino, California, in 1955.

Ray Kroc was a seller of milkshake mixers.  He was impressed that this McDonald's restaurant bought eight of these machines from Kroc that could simultaneously mix five milkshakes.

In 1954, Kroc took a trip from his home in Chicago to San Bernardino to find out what was happening at this restaurant that caused it need so many milkshake mixers.

When he arrived, he saw that the McDonald brothers had set up an assembly line system to prepare a large volume of milk shakes, hamburgers, and fries quickly and cheaply. The restaurant was packed.

Kroc was impressed.  He asked the McDonald brothers if he could set up additional restaurants using the same system.  He offered and the McDonald brothers agreed to Kroc paying them a franchisee fee based on a percentage of sales from the restaurants.

Kroc opened his first McDonald's in 1955 in Des Plaines, Illinois – a Chicago suburb.  Gross sales the first year totaled $235,000.  Kroc decided to build more restaurants.  Kroc made a number of system innovations to make food preparation and service even faster and more efficient.

He decided the best and fastest way to do this was to sell McDonald's franchises.

McDonald's restaurant owners signed a contract with Kroc agreeing they would run their restaurants exactly the same way as Kroc – no innovations permitted unless approved by Kroc.  He established a training program to teach his restaurant owners how to run their restaurants. 

Within six years, Kroc established 228 McDonald's restaurants and was able to buy out the McDonald brothers for $2.7 million.

The McDonald brothers did not have Ray Kroc's big vision of what could be accomplished simply by replicating restaurants that were working.

Kroc would constantly make adjustments and improvements to his assembly line food preparation system. He would also take suggestions from franchise owners on how they could make the system even more efficient. But franchise owners were not permitted to make changes without Kroc's approval.

In 1961, Kroc launched Hamburger University, headquartered in Chicago, to train those wanting to buy into the franchise – also to train restaurant managers.

With Hamburger University, Kroc was able to replicate himself in addition to his restaurants. Each new restaurant would then just run on its own, without much supervision from Kroc.

Each restaurant would also pay a percentage of sales to Kroc.

By 1984, more than 7,500 McDonald's restaurants had been built worldwide, three-quarters of them by franchise owners.

As of this writing, Hamburger University has graduated more than 275,000 students – to include restaurant owners, managers and mid-managers.  Today, there are more than 38,000 McDonald's restaurants operating worldwide.

The system is what produces the results.  Once you have a system that's working, just keep doing it.

Once you've built the right system, the goals you will achieve will amaze you.

The Power of Routine

I know exactly what I'll be doing each day.  My routine is the same.

My day actually starts the night before when I decide exactly what specific project I will be tackling at 6:15 a.m.

I'm a writer.  I write ads for a living.  Specifically, I write direct response postal direct mail packages or create digital ad campaigns for my clients.

I will budget three days to write a postal direct mail advertising package.  My goal is to earn at least $30,000 for each direct mail advertising package I write – the $2,500 initial copywriting fee plus the royalties on the package over time.

Sometimes I earn more than this, sometimes a lot more.  Sometimes less. 

Whether I exceed the goal or fall a bit short, it's been a great way to earn a living.

But I don't really focus on the goal.  I focus on sticking to my routine day in and day out.

I know what I have to do each day to hit my targets.

I know if I just keep doing the same routine day in and day out, the money will roll in automatically from the project down the road.  Might be three months later or six months later before royalties start arriving.

The ad agency has to test my package in small quantities.  The rollouts in large quantities come later if the package is successful – that is, if the package brings in the money.

Plus, I don't get paid anything beyond the $2,500 initial copywriting fee until the agency has mailed 250,000 copies of my package.  Then the additional royalties start.  It could be many months before I see royalties.

But that's fine, because I'm always working on a new package.

What I do before I go to bed the night before is I write down what I must achieve the next day — first and foremost being the writing project I must complete — or some portion of the writing project I must complete.

My alarm goes off at 6 a.m.  The coffee maker has been set to start brewing at the same time.

I wake up next to Wanda with the smell of fresh coffee wafting in the air.

I get up, brush my teeth, throw some water on my face, and head downstairs to pour coffee into my thermos.  I like my coffee black. 

I will then commute with my coffee to my Lazy Boy chair 30 feet away.  It's positioned so I have a clear view of our swimming pool.  I find the view of the pool pleasant and soothing.  I'm wearing a tee shirt and boxer shorts, or perhaps gym shorts.

That's my work attire.

I will take my seat in the Lazy Boy, hit the button on the side that elevate my feet. I will put some headphones on and listen to some alpha wave ambient brain music for studying. Nothing with a definable melody that might distract me.  I'll grab my laptop and start writing at 6:15 a.m. on the dot.

I will pause at 8:30 a.m. to check my email.  I spend no more than 10 minutes looking at email. I only answer one or two that are urgent.  I save the rest for later.

I will check email again at Noon.

Until then, I will write.  This is my FOCUS time. 

This is the time I focus on creating a product that brings money in the door.

The product is the direct mail package I am writing and creating between 6:15 and Noon.

I don’t take any phone calls during that period. I don’t check email again until Noon. I don’t check Facebook, Twitter or social media.  I don't read the news.  I don’t do anything that will distract me from completing my writing project.

Writing requires 100 percent focus. For me writing is very much like Tiger Woods standing over a putt.  That’s his focus time.  He gets paid by sinking putts.  I get paid by writing.

The reason I stop writing by Noon is my brain is basically mush by then.

Also, I find I write best in 45-minute bursts. Then I have to take a 15-minute break. Then I write for another 45 minutes again.

I’m strict about the 45 minutes. I set a timer and the bell goes off after 45 minutes.

I will practice some break dance moves or combos.   Or I will do some pushups, crunches, lunges, and other forms of calisthenics.  I’ll do that for 10 minutes.  Then I’ll get something to eat — usually a banana and some berries, or Wanda will make me a fruit or veggie smoothie.

This is how I achieve my professional as well as health and fitness goals at the same time.

The exercise helps clear my brain.

Then I’ll start writing again — for 45 minutes.

Then I'll stop at Noon.  The intense part of my workday is over.

So I don’t really write for five and a half hours each day. My writing day is five 45-minute periods, broken up by 15-minute periods for exercise and attending to the physical needs of life — eating healthy food that sustains my energy and going to the restroom.

This is also how I pace myself.  Life is a marathon. The prize goes not to the sprinter, but to the steady and consistent.

If I try to write eight hours a day, that won’t work.  I can do that sometimes.  But I won't be able to sustain that over time.  I’ll burn myself out.  And I’ll end up writing less in the long run.

Same with training for a sport. You can’t train with 100 percent intensity every day.

Sure, you can do something every day.  You can do yoga and stretching every day.

But you can't do intense push-up training every day. Your muscles need rest. Your muscles need time to recover and repair themselves from intense exercise.

Your brain is similar.  Your brain is an electrical system.  It runs out of power. Your brain will need a night of sleep before it's completely recharged and ready to go at full power again.

At Noon I'll have lunch and check email.  I might have a couple of conference calls or Zoom meetings to tend to in the afternoon.  Around my Zoom meetings, I will practice break dance and workout for 60 minutes.

Wanda will do her workout, yoga and dance practice alongside me. At 4:00, we'll head to Dania Beach if we're at our Fort Lauderdale home.  Or we'll relax by the pool.  I'll do some reading during that period.  While at the beach, I love watching pelicans dive into the ocean for fish.

We'll have music on.  Wanda loves Latin dance music.  So that's what we'll have on usually.  Though we'll also switch to classic rock.

We might then go out to dinner, or just head back to the house.  Wanda will usually watch Netflix.  I'll do some more reading.  I don't read much fiction.  I prefer non-fiction books that will broaden my knowledge, improve my skills, or trigger an idea for a project.

I'll read a book on marketing, or a biography about a great entrepreneur or figure in history, or perhaps read a great philosopher. I also like reading about the rise and fall of civilizations. Or I might read the Bible – the greatest book in history.

That's our basic routine each day. The locations change.  Sometimes we're home – either in Fort Lauderdale or Chicago.  Sometimes we're overseas.  But the routine is basically the same.

You cannot be successful in life without a daily routine.

Here was the great golfer Tiger Woods’ daily schedule and routine for achieving what he wanted to achieve in golf:

6:00-7:30 am Workout

7:30-9:00 am Shower and breakfast

9:00-11:00 am Hit balls on the practice range

11:00-11:30 am Putt

11:30-12:30 pm Play 9 holes

12:30-1:00 pm Lunch

1:00-3:00 pm Hit balls on the range

3:00-4:00 pm Short Game

4:00-5:00 pm Play 9 holes

5:00-5:30 pm Hit balls on the range

5:30-6:00 pm Putt

After that, he showered and had dinner. So that was his 12-hour day – dedicated to becoming great at golf.  

This schedule is not especially unique to Tiger. Just about all the top golfers on the PGA tour have similar schedules.

Anyone who wants to be a world-class athlete has a schedule that looks much like this.

That’s what it takes to be great at something.

This is another variation on the "Law of Compounding Actions" that then yield exponential returns

This law works in all areas of your life.

If you want to be a great artist, you need to paint every day.  You must study how to paint. You must study the secrets of the great artists. You must have great art teachers and role models.

When you set a goal that includes a schedule for achieving your goal, it's important not to lose momentum by skipping days.  It’s fine to take days off. It’s fine to take breaks.  But they should be scheduled breaks, scheduled days off.

Otherwise, you will lose momentum. You never want to lose momentum. If you don't know exactly what you are going to accomplish each day, you won't make progress toward your goals.  You won't accomplish anything much.

Set Tight Deadlines

Whatever task you've set out to achieve, humans tend to take all the time allotted to complete the task.

This is known as Parkinson's Law, named for Cyril Northcote Parkinson who wrote about this phenomenon in an amusing essay published in The Economist in 1955.

Much of this is caused by procrastination – the lure of Facebook notifications, YouTube, checking email and other distractions on the internet. 

We tend not to focus on the arduous task at hand until we absolutely must.

I have never completed my taxes early, always wait until the last day to send in my return.

Another reason we tend to use all the time allotted for a project is we want the job to be done perfectly.  We make the perfect the enemy of the good.

Sure, I could rewrite my book many times and make it 10 percent better.  But then it might never get published.

I have four or five books in mind I want to write.

If I spend too much time working on the one, I'll never write the next three.

Better to knock out the book I'm working on so I can get to the next one and the next.

I can always revise and improve a book later based on market feedback.

If you want to get a lot done, set tight deadlines for projects.

I treat deadlines by imagining someone with a loaded gun pointed at my head.  If I miss the deadline, the gun goes off.

I imagine the deadline being real – as in actually deadly.

There's a reason we call our jobs and our careers "making a living."

It's because if we don't do our job, if we don't get the work done, we can't put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads.

In pre-modern times, people spent all day working so they could survive.  Failure to plant the crops, hunt game, and catch fish meant starvation.

This is still the situation in much of the world today.

There are deadlines that must be met to survive.  That's why we call this "making a living."

Think of your deadlines this way.

The tighter your deadlines, the more projects you can finish, and the richer you'll become.

But to get a lot done, you'll have to be satisfied with "good enough" much of the time.

Most of us aren't working on the Mona Lisa.

Every time I read over something I've written, I always want to revise it.  I can't help myself.  Something can always be said better and done better.

At a certain point, you have to just stop and say "This project is done.  It's good enough. Let's get this product out the door and see if people like it.  We can improve it later based on feedback."

Fail Your Way to Success

The reality is you might not achieve the goal you set for yourself.

I've set many goals in my life.  I failed to achieve almost all of them – failed miserably.

When I was a teenager, my goal was to become the best ski racer in the world.  I figure I put in something like 10,000 hours of practice and training trying to achieve that goal when I was a kid and teenager.

I failed. I did not achieve that goal. But I did become a very good ski racer — one of the top junior ski racers in the country.

I also learned a lot just by trying to achieve the goal of trying to become the #1 ski racer in the world.  I learned how to work hard.  I learned self-discipline. I learned what it takes to be a world-class athlete — world-class in anything.  And I was able to apply what I learned to other goals that I would set, which I also failed at.

Probably the most important attribute I developed while trying to become the world's top ski racer was a strong work ethic.

I believe having a strong work ethic is the single most important character trait to achieving success in life. You can’t achieve anything important if you are not willing to work very hard at it.

I learned my work ethic by training and striving for about ten years to become a world-class ski racer.  I’ve applied this approach to every goal I set.

When at Dartmouth College, I decided I wanted to become a writer. My favorite writer was Ernest Hemingway.  I wanted to be able to write like him.

I figured the best way to learn to write was to write a lot.  So I joined the college newspaper, which required me to write an article almost every day, in addition to completing my college course work.

I also decided I wanted to write a book, wanted to become a published author.  During my senior year, I wrote my first book titled Poisoned Ivy.

But writing a 256-page book appeared to be a daunting task. It was tough enough to write a five-page term paper. But writing a 256-page book that would actually be considered good enough to be published by a major New York publishing company seemed, well, pretty impossible and unlikely.

But I made up my mind to write the book anyway.  I figured, even if my book was never accepted for publication by a publisher, I would at least get a lot of writing practice.  I would at least become a much better writer after writing the 250 pages — actually more like 300 manuscript pages.

The daily goal I set was to write three pages — three pages a day.

Psychologically and emotionally, I could not get my mind around writing 300 manuscript pages. I would become discouraged and would probably quit the project if I thought about writing 300 pages.

But then I thought if I just commit to writing three pages a day, that’s a doable task. And at the end of 100 days of doing that, I would have a 300-page manuscript.

My commitment was that writing those three pages had to be my first job when waking up in the morning after breakfast.

Then I would have to sit at the typewriter for as long as it took to come up with three pages.

We didn’t have computers in those days, in 1981.  I had a manual typewriter.  So I could either write the three pages, or stare at the blank page for eight hours.

That was the commitment and pledge I made to myself.  Write three pages each day, or stare at the blank page for eight straight hours.

So the three pages got written — everyday.  I actually ended up writing about 600 pages of manuscript because a lot of what I wrote wasn’t good at all.

I also wrote a plan for the book — chapter titles and an outline for each chapter. Those chapter titles and outline for each chapter provided the roadmap for writing the book.

The chapter titles and outlines changed along the way. I was constantly changing and adjusting the plan for the book.

Plans always change as you go.  What's crucial is to have a written plan and a schedule . . . because that’s how you chart, track, and measure your progress.

If you can’t chart, track, and measure your progress toward your goal, you don’t have a goal.  You'll just have a dream, a fantasy, which can become a delusion.

So set a big goal. Then set many mini-goals, daily goals, that will ultimately lead you to achieving your big goal.

My big goal was to write this book, have it published by a major publisher, and hopefully become a national bestseller.

But to achieve that goal, I had to write a chapter outline for the book, an outline for each chapter, and then commit to writing three pages every day.

It took me two years to have my book accepted for publication by a publisher. I just kept sending out manuscripts with a cover letter.  I got rejection notice after rection notice – which usually arrived in the form of a postcard.

At one point, I received a phone call from the famed editor, historian, and writer Jacques Barzun.  He was an editor at Simon & Schuster.  He liked the book.  He asked if it would be possible to have lunch to discuss the book. 

I, of course, said "Sure! Absolutely!"

I drove from Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire, to Manhattan.  I had lunch with Mr. Barzun at a nice place.  He said he loved the book, but thought the book needed some work.  He handed me the manuscript with his notes and edits.  The lunch lasted about 90 minutes.

I returned to Dartmouth, performed all the edits, rewrote the parts Mr. Barzun told me needed rewriting, cut the parts he thought should be cut.  His edits, comments, and suggestions were excellent.  I learned a lot.

About a month later, I sent the manuscript back to Mr. Barzun at Simon & Schuster.

A couple of weeks passed.  I heard nothing.  So I tried to phone Mr. Barzun.  I was told he was no longer at Simon & Schuster.  Apparently, he left to do other projects.  He was a prolific writer – wrote and published some 40 books.  He had gone to the French coast to write another book.

It turned out my book had never really been formally accepted by the publisher. It was a book Mr. Barzun liked.  Perhaps he had picked my manuscript up off the pile of manuscripts and thought there was something there. But once he left Simon & Schuster for France, the book had no internal advocate at the company pushing it through. 

In fact, no one at the publisher seemed to know anything about the book.  I thought the book had been accepted for publication.  But apparently it had not yet made it into any pipeline for publication. 

They told me I was free to resubmit it, which I did.

About a month later, I received rejection from Simon & Schuster in the form of a post card.  So that was a crushing disappointment.

But eventually my book was accepted for publication by a smaller New York publisher called Stein & Day.

That was a great day!

It still took nearly a year for the book to make its way into bookstores.  The editors had me do quite a bit more work on it.

But when the book eventually did come out, Poisoned Ivy was a national bestseller.   I appeared on many TV and radio shows to talk about the book.  The Washington Post put the book on the front page of the "Style" section.  The New York Times published not just one, but two reviews of it – including one by the famous reviewer Christopher Lehman Haupt, who very much liked the book.

But the biggest benefit to me of writing the book was that I became much better at writing – by writing every day.

So even if I had not succeeded in actually seeing the book published, it would still have been a very worthwhile project . . . because I believe the ability to write and communicate well are two of the most valuable skills you can learn in life.

I also learned how to handle rejection and the importance of perseverance. And I received tremendous guidance from the editors at these publishing houses.

The process I put myself through by trying to achieve my goal was transforming me into a new and improved person with new skills, plus an understanding of what it takes to succeed in life.  It's not easy out there.  But I was making my way in the world.

My first job out of college was as a junior metro reporter for The Washington Times.  I mostly covered crime stories – the murders and mayhem that were happening every night in the city.  Washington, DC was the murder capital of the country at that time.  So I had plenty to cover.

I never became the next Ernest Hemingway.  I just don't have that level of talent.

But I did go on to become a professional writer.  I’ve now written seven books, have written speeches for some of America’s leading political figures, including Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.

I make a very good living as one of America’s top writers of advertisements.

So there were many benefits that flowed from making that commitment to write a book during my senior year at Dartmouth College. That project really set the direction for much of my life.

I adopted this method for setting and achieving goals in every area.

For example, I set a goal of reading the entire Bible in one year.

The Bible is a big book — about 1500 pages, depending on what edition you are reading. If I were to just sit down and start reading the Bible from page one, it would seem like a daunting task.

But if I make a commitment to read four pages a day, I can get through the entire Bible in one year.

I basically applied the work ethic and discipline I learned trying to pursue my ski racing goal to pursuing my goal of becoming a successful writer, then to my goal of building a business, then a second business, and a third business.

Writing a plan for your business or your career is a lot like writing an outline for a book you want to write, which includes an outline for each chapter.

This is how you become a new person just by setting and pursuing goals.

The process of striving for your goal and making a very serious and dogged attempt to achieve your goal is actually far more important than achieving your goal.

The process of truly striving will make you more successful at everything you try.

You might fail.  You might not win an Olympic Gold medal even after 10,000 or 20,000 hours of practice and all the blood, sweat and tears you went through.

If that's your goal, you will probably fail.

But even if you don’t succeed in achieving your ultimate goal, you will still develop all kinds of skills just by making a serious attempt to achieve your goal — skills that will serve you in any field you pursue, skills that will serve you well throughout your entire life.

Most importantly, you will develop habits of discipline, focus and a work ethic that can be applied to all your other goals you set in life. You will develop character, confidence, and a competitive spirit.

Instead of avoiding challenges, you will seek them out.

You will certainly fail often, but you will never fear failure.

In fact, if you are not failing, you haven’t set a high enough goal.

How often do you think the legendary Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci fell off the balance beam before achieving her perfect 10 scores in the 1976 Olympics?

Surely, she had fallen and crashed tens of thousands of times. But she persevered. And she learned from her failures.

Failure after failure after failure ultimately leads to success. Trying and failing is how you learn — failing over and over and over again until you finally get it.

There is no failure for those who try. The success is in the trying.

Is the great fighter Joe Frazier a failure because he lost two out of three fights to Muhammad Ali?

No, of course not. No one sees Joe Frazier as a failure.

Those three fights will go down as three of the greatest fights of all time.  Watch these incredible fights on YouTube.  Joe Frazier is regarded as one of the greatest fighters to ever step into a boxing ring because of those three epic fights, even though he lost two of his three fights against the great Muhammed Ali.

As President Teddy Roosevelt famously said:

“It is not the critic who counts; nor the one who points out how the strong person stumbled, or where the doer of a deed could have done better.

The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who does actually strive to do deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotion, spends oneself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at worst, if he or she fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

Why Willpower Does Not Work

The reason you need a routine and a schedule is you only have a finite amount of willpower.

You can only apply maximum willpower for a short period of time.  You have maximum willpower when you have had a good night's sleep.

The strength of your willpower corresponds almost exactly to your energy level. Your available willpower is like gas in the tank of your car.   It runs out.

Then you must refill your tank.  The only way to refill your tank with more willpower is with sleep.

If someone were to put a bowl of candy next to me, I would have no trouble not putting my hand in the candy bowl for the first few hours of the day.  But as the day goes on, I will have more and more difficulty resisting the temptation to dip my hand in the bowl to grab a piece of candy, which will become three, then five then ten pieces – until I'm not feeling so well.

If I've been working for seven straight hours and it's 4:00 p.m. in the afternoon, I won't be able to resist the temptation of the candy if the bowl is sitting there.

I would have no trouble resisting the temptation at 9:00 a.m.

As your brain gets tired, your willpower dissipates.  And it won't be replenished until you get a good night's sleep.

This is why you must schedule your most difficult, mentally challenging tasks for the early morning, when you first wake up.

Wanda had to go into the hospital for some surgery.  They asked her if she wanted the morning slot on the surgeon's schedule or the afternoon slot.

"First thing in the morning," I interjected.  "She wants you when you are fully rested and your brain is at peak performance."

Never accept surgery in the afternoon.  If you need surgery, make sure you are the doctor's first surgery patient of the day, or schedule a different day.

Willpower can never overcome fatigue.

This is why I find that the most productive part of my day is the first 4-5 hours.  After that, my brain is shot, my willpower to focus on anything difficult is gone.

I prefer calling Time Management "Energy Management." 

Your energy and willpower will be at their peak right when you first wake up in the morning. It's down hill from there. Your energy and willpower will weaken throughout the day until you have no choice but to sleep . . . because that's how your mind and body work.

So you want to block out the morning hours for the most mentally challenging tasks.

Willpower is closely linked to motivation.  You lose motivation as your energy level drops throughout the day.

This is why cramming for tests the night before an exam never works.

If you study for 12 straight hours the day and night before the test, you are showing tremendous willpower.  But it will be for naught.

Perhaps the first two hours were productive, but there's no way your brain will retain the next ten hours you studied.

The only way to learn difficult material is to set up a schedule and process where you study it for one or two hours per day over a period of time.

Setting up a process and a daily schedule trumps willpower every time.

You might want to do 25 pull-ups.  You might have tremendous will to do 25 pull-ups.  But no matter how hard you try, you won't get close unless you've trained yourself to do this over a long period of time.

Even if you have a gun pointed at your head, you will not be able to do 25 pull-ups without a lot of regular training over a long period of time.

It will likely take at least a year for a young healthy, in-shape person to have a chance to do this.

If someone said they would pay you $1 billion if you could climb to the top of Mount Everest by next week, you would not be able to do it.

You need a plan, a system, a process, a daily training routine, a schedule, and a realistic timeframe to be able to achieve a goal like this. And this applies to any significant goal you want to achieve.

If you want to be able to do 25 pull-ups, it won't help at all if you do pull-ups for two hours a day instead of the 30-second max of pull-up activity you would be able to do per day.

You would actually need to rest a day or two between pull-up training sessions to allow your muscles to recover and build, so you then could start another productive routine.

Then after a year or so of doing this, you might be able to do 25 pull-ups because you've built up to it over time.

The same rule applies to any difficult subject you might want to learn or any difficult goal you want to achieve.  You cannot "will" yourself to success.

This is why New Year's resolutions almost never work.

Most people abandon their New Year's resolutions halfway through January.

The reason they abandon their diet and their fitness goals is they rely on willpower instead of a process and a set schedule.

When I was a serious athlete in my youth – a ski racer and tennis player back in the 1970s – I thought I could will myself to my fitness goals.

"No pain, no gain," was the maxim I lived by.

A group of ski racing friends of mine formed what we called the PTA Club – which stood for "Pain, Torture & Agony."

We thought our commitment to our daily four-hour regimen of "Pain, Torture & Agony" fitness was the way to achieve our goal of becoming Olympic ski racers.

We would have bicycle races and running races up mountains.  We would have push-up, pull-up, and sit-up contests.  We would see who could run up and down the football stadium the most times – one stadium per minute.  The most I did was 48 stadiums in 48 minutes.

I was then sick in bed for a week with a fever.

That's willpower in action.  That's what willpower will do for you.

I actually did get in very good shape that way. But it was a brutal way to live.

We are often told as kids to "Put in 100 percent effort all the time.  Give it your all."

Wrong.

Yes, give it your all on game day, when it counts.

But you should not be giving it your all day in and day out with your training and practice.

You'll burn out.

Save your 100 percent effort for game day, race day, test day – when it counts.

The rest of the time, put in maybe 70 percent effort – but every day. 

I came to this conclusion after observing what parts of my body were strongest after the ski race season.

My thighs, quads, butt, hamstring and core body muscles were well developed, almost freakish looking – Hulk-like.

But my arms and shoulders were toothpick-like by comparison, even though I was also doing all these push-ups and pull-ups.

Here's what I noticed.

Rarely in ski racing was I pushing my ski muscles 100 percent, to the point of failure – as I was doing with push-ups and pull-ups.

With skiing, even at high, level, you might ski hard for 45-second bursts.  Rest for a minute, then do it again.  Then rest when you're out of breath, then do it again,  Then ride up the chairlift, when you'd get to rest.  Then come down again.  You'd go into the lodge at some point, get something to eat, hit the rest room and come back out.

With my push-up and pull-up routines, I was going until I could not do them anymore.

With push-ups and pull-ups, I was pushing my muscles to the point of failure.

But I wasn't doing that with my leg and lower body muscles when skiing.

I came to the conclusion that I would actually get much stronger if I did not push my muscles to the point of failure, but instead only push to 70 or 80 percent of what they can do.  Then I could train almost every day without always needing 2-3 days of rest so my muscles could recover.

So I would actually be training my muscles and body twice as many days by pushing to 70 percent capability instead of always to 100 percent.  And it would be far less painful.  I would no longer dread training.

Practice and training then become fun, not painful.

I figured this out back in the 1970s during my athlete days.  This approach has been confirmed as optimal by trainers of world-class athletes in recent times.

The great gymnasts and mixed martial arts fighters of today are not putting in maximum effort in the gym day in and day out.

They are pushing themselves to maybe 70 percent of their maximum physical capacity – so they can train and practice almost every day, not have to take days off. 

They might take one day off per week.

They are not taking the "No Pain, No Gain" approach of yesteryear that I was raised with.

They aren't joining the "Pain, Torture & Agony" club.

So they are able to train and practice two or three times as often, not needing days off to recover.

Pushing yourself to 100 percent capacity won't get you far in the long run. You will become physically and mentally exhausted.  You won't be able to sustain the effort. 

You will become discouraged and quit.

My daughter Madi (a teenager at the time) told me she wanted to lose some weight and get in better shape.  The problem was she liked to eat the wrong foods and she hated exercise.

I told her to try this program.

Make a commitment to put on your workout clothes and sneakers every day at the same time and go to the gym.  Schedule this.  Make it the same time each day.

If, when you get to the gym, you decide you don't want to do anything that day, forget about it.

Head on back home.

You've then achieved your goal for the day.  You've put on your workout clothes, your sneakers, and you've gone to the gym.

After a few days of doing that, maybe you'll decide, since you're there anyway, to walk on the treadmill for a few minutes, then get off and head home.

Then after a few more days of doing that, maybe you'll decide to walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes.

Then after a few days of doing that, maybe you'll decide to pick up the pace a bit and stay on the treadmill a bit longer.

Then after doing that for a while, maybe you'll decide to try out some other equipment.

Maybe you'll meet some people or join a class.  But that's all down the road.

The main thing is to just start.  Pick a time every day when you put on your gym outfit and head to the gym.  If you decide you're not up for any exercise that day, head on back home.

That's not failure.  That's progress.  Goal achieved.  But the odds are if you've gone to the trouble of putting on your gym outfit, sneakers and made it to the gym, you're going to get on the treadmill, at least for a few minutes.

Then if you continue that schedule and process, you will find you'll start building momentum.

Momentum will build on its own.  No willpower needed.

After a while, you will actually look forward to your workouts. You will lose your aversion to exercise.

Madi said:  "Oh, I love that!"

So that's what she did.  Six months later she had ripped washboard abs.

You can change your diet the same way.

Let's say you really love cheeseburgers, milk shakes and fries, and you're really not a fan at all of vegetables.

Try just getting rid of the fries at first.  Continue for a while with the cheeseburgers, and milk shakes.

Then once you're used to that, try replacing the milkshake with a fruit and veggie smoothie.  The fruit mixed in with the veggies will add some sweetness.

Soon your fruit and veggie smoothie will start tasting much better than the milk shake.

Then start replacing your cheeseburgers with chicken and fish. 

Soon you won't like cheeseburgers much anymore.

Cheeseburgers will start tasting too greasy and feel too heavy in your stomach.  Your tastes will change.  Yes, you can change your tastes and preferences.

You can't will this change overnight.  It requires time, a daily routine, a process.  The process starts with baby steps.  The journey starts with one step, then two, then three.

Stop when it becomes painful.  Stop when you feel you have to will yourself to go further.  You won't be able to sustain willpower for long.  When you feel it's a struggle to continue, just stop. 

Push yourself to 50 percent or 70 percent of your capability each day.  Then stop. 

Pick up the journey the next day.  But take some steps toward your goal every day.

When I start my push-up routine, I don't think to myself: "Ok.  I'm going to do 50 push-ups now."

No.  I say to myself: "Ok.  Let's start doing some pushups and see how I'm feeling."

I just start.  I might get to 50 if I feel like it.  Or I might stop after 30.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint.  All goals worth achieving take time. If you want to get a certificate in software coding, do three hours of study and practice per day, not 10 hours.

Then tend to your health, fitness and other unrelated activities that are also important.

It's not about how much you can do in one day or one week.  It's the "Law of Cumulative Actions" over time.

Daily steady progress will take you to your goal far more reliably than killing yourself with short frenetic bursts of activity, fueled by willpower.

Aesop's "Hare & Tortoise" fable really is true:

A Hare was making fun of the Tortoise one day for being so slow.

"Do you ever get anywhere?" he asked with a mocking laugh.

"Yes," replied the Tortoise, "and I get there sooner than you think."

We all know who won that race.

The Hare got distracted and fell asleep.  The Hare lost sight of the goal and ran out of willpower. 

The Tortoise made steady, plodding relentless progress – one step at a time. 

This game called Life is not won by the swift, but by the steady and consistent.

Why You Must Keep a Schedule

Show me your written schedule and that will show me your priorities.

Keeping a schedule is not about Time Management.  It's about setting your priorities and eliminating everything else.

It's about you running your life, not allowing others to run your life.  It's about you setting your own agenda, not allowing others to set your agenda.  It's about not allowing others to steal your time.  It's about you spending your time on your priorities, not someone else's priorities. 

Most people have no written schedule.  This means they really have no priorities in their life, other than what's happening on TV, checking who just liked their photo on Instagram, or running down another rabbit hole on Twitter.

The average teenager spends eight hours per day on social media, another 4-5 hours per day watching TV or playing video games.  This does not include screen time used for schoolwork.

That's just not going to get you far in life.  I set goals for what I consider to be eight key areas of my life:

1)     My professional life and career.

2)     My health and fitness.

3)     My marriage and relationships.

4)     Money and finances.

5)     My spiritual life – relationship with God.

6)     Seeing the world and life-experiences.

7) Gaining Knowledge: Attending seminars, reading, honing my skills, developing new skills.

8)    Recreation and fun.

9)   My Legacy. That is, what of value I would like to leave behind after I’m gone to make the world a better place.

You must schedule all this, or your priorities just won't get done.

If you don't invest time in your marriage, that will fall apart.  Then you'll lose at least half your stuff.

You must invest time in your kids.  Or you won't have a relationship with your kids.

You must invest time in your personal and professional relationships, or you won't have any.

Almost all my business comes from personal relationships I've developed over time.  Almost none of my business comes in over the transom by itself.  I generate business by choosing what relationships to cultivate.

You must invest time in your health and fitness, or you will lose your health.  Your life will be shorter.  You will live in pain and discomfort if you neglect your health.

And of course, all of my nine priorities involve Wanda directly. 

She's involved in my business – keeping me organized mainly.  She also runs our rental properties.

Experiencing life, including all our travel, is all about our relationship and creating great memories, and a great life together.  Same with health, fitness spiritual life, family relationships, other relationships, tracking finances.

All this involves both of us.  We're a team.

We write down our long-term goals and short-term goals for each of these nine key areas of our life.  This requires budgeting time for each of these crucial areas.

That requires a schedule.  Wanda was a legal secretary.  She was Employee of the Month five times at GEICO.

She knows how to keep everything on track.

The more detailed your schedule, the more free time you will have, and the more time you will have for fun and experiencing life – which is really what life is about.

The morning part of my day is always the same routine and schedule.  The only change is the project I'm working on.

The afternoon is much more flexible – not at all intense mentally.

That's when the schedule becomes important because I have eight other priorities in life I must attend to – including my marriage with Wanda.

The schedule provides my framework for each day.  I keep my schedule on my Microsoft Outlook calendar.  I also inform Alexa, who tells me throughout the day what I must do next.

I review my calendar every Sunday night with Wanda before the week starts.  I also review the day's activities the night before.

Keeping a calendar and a schedule doesn't take much time at all.  I review the next day's schedule for 3-5 minutes before I go to bed at night.

On Sunday night, Wanda and I will spend 15 minutes on the schedule for the week.

And then quarterly, we will review the big events we have coming up for the quarter and decide if we want to add some big things – like a trip overseas or a cruise – that are not part of our weekly routine.

This quarterly planning might take 30 minutes or one hour because it involves discussion.  Wanda will have spent some time reviewing some travel options.  I will have spent some time reviewing some marketing and business seminars I'd like to attend.

Your calendar can always change and will.  I plan my day in 15-minute blocks.  Or I should say, the smallest block of time I plan is a 15-minute block.  Remember, in the mornings I write for 45 minutes followed by a 15-minute break.

We might block out two hours starting at 4:00 p.m. for the beach.  That's on the schedule.  If the weather is no good for the beach, we'll have a fallback plan.

Then there are weekly chores that must be accomplished, such as grocery shopping, clean the house, possibly some yard work. 

Then there are the less-frequent, but regular tasks that you must do – visit the dentist for teeth cleaning, go to the doctor for annual physical, renew your vehicle registration, complete and file your tax returns.

I make a point to attend six marketing and business seminars per year.  Wanda and I will attend at least two personal development seminars per year.

At the start of each year, I make a list of important people I need to stay in contact with – people who have achieved much more than I've achieved.  Some are billionaires and hundred millionaires – super-accomplished people. 

I'm not looking for business from them.  I have plenty of business and work to do.  I'm more just interested in their advice and insights.  And they're good people to know if I ever get into a jam.

I get those meetings scheduled.

I also know authors, filmmakers, super-lawyers, inventors, politicians.  These are people I've gotten to know over the years and decades who I want to maintain relationships with.  Perhaps they have insights and advice they can offer.  Or perhaps we can team up on a project at some point.

All these meetings must go on a schedule for the year.  There must be a plan of action to set up these lunches, dinners and meetings.  So I schedule a time to make the phone call, send the email or text message.

Almost all my business comes from my personal relationships with people who are at a much higher level in terms of income and net worth than I am.

Relationships must be maintained.  These lunches and meetings must be set up.  This is a job that requires a system, a step-by-step plan of action, a timeline, a schedule.  Or nothing will happen.

All this must go on your calendar, along with any high school or college reunions that might be taking place that year.  Then there's my annual ski trip in Vail, Colorado with my ski racing buddies from my high school days.

You must set aside specific blocks of time for each activity.

Your calendar is your framework for action.  If something more important comes up – perhaps an important client wants you to go on a golf outing – you reschedule everything you had in those time slots.

My clients know that morning is my focus time.  They know not to call me or bother me before Noon.  I've politely trained them to respect that.

Wanda guards my focus time like one of those Dobermans in the movie The Omen.

She gets concerned if she doesn't hear my fingers hitting the keyboard rapidly during morning focus time.

"I'm not hearing fingers hitting the keyboard," she'll say. "No typing, no money honey."

Fingers hitting the keyboard equals money for us.  So fingers hit keyboard all morning.

Brick layers make money by laying bricks.  Bob Dylan made money by writing and performing his classic songs.

We make money when my fingers hit the keyboard and produce winning ad campaigns.  While I'm writing, Wanda runs the property management business, which includes 27 tenants.

Afternoons and evenings are much more flexible situations.  But we still plan everything. 

Wanda and I make plans for grocery shopping, beach time, dinner outings, parties.  Wanda will review local events that look like fun – the New Years Eve Party, the Cuban festival in Miami, Salsa dance lessons.

All this goes on the schedule, or it just won't happen.  We'll be stuck at home watching Netflix while life goes by.

Once you get all your important tasks and activities on your calendar, you will find you still have large blocks of unscheduled time.  And that's fine. You can spend that time reading, or listening to a podcast, going on a bike ride, or just listening to the birds and thinking.  You do need time for free-thinking because that's when the big ideas happen – those inspirational flashes of brilliance that can be worth millions of dollars.

But don't waste unscheduled time on Facebook and social media.  Schedule 15 minutes per day at most for that.

Between Christmas and New Year's we sit down and plan our trips for the year.  We'll review our travel schedule every 60 days to see if we should add a trip.

I inform my clients when these trips are happening.

I tell them to plan accordingly because I won't be reachable – by design.  "We'll be in Jackson Hole skiing and then we're off to Costa Rica," I'll inform them.  Or "We'll be hanging out in the Lost Citadel Inca Ruins of Peru."  Or "We'll be lounging in a tiki hut on the Indian Ocean in Bali."

One of our aspirations is to travel around the world for a year.  Wanda really wants to see the penguins in Antarctica.

None of this will happen without setting goals, priorities and specific plans of action with a timeline that all goes on your calendar.  Without this, life will go by in the blink of an eye.  And you will have wasted your life watching Netflix and trying to get reactions on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and social media.

A schedule, a written calendar puts me in charge of my time instead of having someone else steal my time.

Not only does my written calendar enable me to use my time with maximum efficiency and impact; it allows me and Wanda to carve out plenty of time for experiencing all that this gift called Life has to offer.

Is it okay to change your schedule?

Absolutely.  Your schedule is just your anticipated plan.  It's your plan if nothing unexpected and more important comes up.

If Elon Musk's secretary were to call you to ask if there is any way you can meet with him tomorrow because he has some ideas he'd like to share with you and get your opinion on, your answer would be "Hell yes!"

You would throw your schedule out the window because a far more important opportunity has intervened.  Then you would look for the most efficient way to get to wherever Elon is in 17 hours.

Intervening events like this happen often.  ABC's "Good Morning America" called me at 3 p.m. and asked if I could be on the show the next morning at 7 a.m. to do some break dancing and hang out with Michael Strahan.

I'm in Fort Lauderdale.  My answer is "Sure."

My schedule for the next 48 hours or so is thrown out the window.

So then your schedule just shifts forward by 48 hours.  Your schedule is just your plan and framework for action if nothing more urgent intervenes.  Your schedule can only be based on knowns.

More important unknowns will intervene.  Your child might get sick.  So you'll have to take her to the hospital.

When Generals Dwight D. Eisenhower and Bernard Montgomery planned the D-Day invasion, they put in motion a detailed plan and timetable for storming of the beaches of Normandie, France, involving 200,000 allied troops, 6,939 ships and landing vessels, 2,395 aircraft and 867 gliders that delivered paratroopers silently behind enemy lines under cover of darkness.

What happens if weather is bad?  What happens if Hitler and his generals somehow learn about the plan?

A practice invasion for D-Day had been a total fiasco.  The allied forces were practicing the invasion on some evacuated islands off the coast of England.  The Germans got wind of it and attacked from the sea and air, killing 749 U.S. troops.

There must be fallback plans – Plan B, C, D.  There will certainly need to be adjustments during the invasion.  We might have to go here instead of there, do this instead of that.  Might have to retreat completely so we can fight another day.

But the overall objective stays in focus: Secure the French Coast. Then move toward Berlin and take out Hitler.

What they did was wait until they knew there would be very dense fog that would hide our thousands of ships just off the coast.  The dense fog also grounded Hitler's air force. The invasion seemed to come out of nowhere.

Victory goes to the focused, the determined, the strategically and tactically intelligent, and the flexible.  You have a plan and schedule, which then meet reality.  You then adjust.

So yes, you will need to make constant adjustments to your plans and schedules depending on circumstances, events, and obstacles in your path.  Sometimes you will have to backtrack and try a different route.  You'll have to take one step back so you can take two steps forward.  Or you'll need to make a lateral move so you can move up.  You'll need to tear up one plan and make another.

What's important is to keep the objective in focus and keep making progress.

Track and Measure Results

One of the important rules of life is that whatever you are tracking and measuring gets better. Whatever you are not tracking gets worse.

Whatever you are measuring and tracking and then REPORTING PUBLICLY gets better exponentially.

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, make a point of standing on the scale every day. If you do that, you’re far more likely to find a way to lose the 10 pounds.

I stopped getting on the scale for a month or so. I thought I was doing everything right, everything exactly the way I was supposed to. I was exercising every day, thought I was eating mostly the right things. But guess what?

When I stood on the scale again after a month of not checking my weight, I found I had gained five pounds . . . even though I thought I was still doing everything right.

I guess I wasn’t. The scale doesn’t lie.

I am a fanatic tracker and measurer of my progress.  I love to study the results of my advertising and marketing campaigns.  If the ad campaign is working, we ramp it up.  If it's not working, we end it and go back to the drawing board.

I love to read quarterly financial statements of the companies I'm investing in; love to track and measure my fitness goals.  Become a fanatical tracker and measurer of everything that's important to you.

I keep a journal of what I achieved that day.  Even more powerful psychologically than a "To Do List" is a "What I Accomplished Today List."

A "To Do List" in order of priority is necessary and important for accomplishing anything, but it's not very inspiring.  It can look like drudgery. 

What I do in the evening is first write in my journal a "What I Accomplished Today List."   This then gives me the positive energy I need to write a "To Do List" for the next day in order of priority and make sure it's all on the next day's schedule.

Ending your day with a "What I Accomplished Today List" is satisfying, uplifting, motivating – helps provide energy and momentum for tomorrow, which will be another day of progress.

Always look for ways to track and measure results of what you’re doing so you can change course if it’s not working, or increase what you’re doing if it is working.

Remember, whatever you track and measure daily gets better.  Whatever you don't track gets worse. 

Whatever you track, measure and report publicly improves exponentially. 

I'll often announce my goals on Facebook and social media.  I share my goals and report my progress quarterly to a circle of friends, mentors and people I respect.  The more brutal they are in holding me accountable to hitting my benchmarks on schedule, the faster and bigger my progress.

For my close circle of friends who are at about my level of income, we share our tax returns at the end of each year.  This lights a fire under all of us.

Why You Must Have a Budget

Why do so many people overspend? 

Why do so many have tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt, with almost no way to get out of debt short of declaring bankruptcy?

Spending can become an addiction. Some people are shopaholics. Personally, I can't stand shopping and going to malls.  I see going to malls as a big waste of time and money.  I get no pleasure from it.

But people are also brainwashed by advertising and the culture in which we live.

Do you really need that $800 Gucci handbag when a $50 handbag would work just as well and look just as good?

People who can't afford the Gucci handbag buy it because they want the status.

Gucci is not actually selling handbags.  They are selling status symbols.

The same is true for many big brands: Calvin Klein, Channel, Mercedes, BMW, Rolls Royce, the list goes on.

Starbucks is not really selling coffee. You can buy coffee that tastes just as good at Seven-Eleven for half the price.  Better yet, you can make your own at home for a few pennies and bring it with you to work in a thermos.

But people choose to stand in line and pay $5 for coffee in that Starbucks cup – in part because of status, or the vibe, or it just seems to be the thing to do.

This is how powerful brand advertising is.  Billions of people are literally brainwashed into paying 5-10 times more for coffee that tastes no better than coffee you can brew at home.

Now multiply this over every product category.  You are likely paying 300 percent more than you need to on many parts of your life without much upgrade to the actual quality of your life.

Did you really need that new $80,000 Audi?   Or would a two-year old Toyota Camry with 16,000 miles on it for $15,000 have worked just fine?

Do you really need the $2,000 per month apartment/condo?  Or could you get by just fine for a few years with the $1,200 per month apartment?

Did you really need that $600,000 house?  Or would the $300,000 house in the slightly less prestigious neighborhood have worked just fine?

$10 you save today can be worth $36 or more within 10 years if you invest that money in a Nasdaq stock index fund (QQQ) and get an average 13 percent annual return. 

So when you wasted $10, you've really wasted $36.

That's how you should think about money.  It's not just the value of a dollar wasted today.  It's the future value of that dollar if you had invested it instead of wasting it.

But few people have this "Future Value of Money" mindset.

80 percent of NFL football players are broke two years after leaving the league. 60 percent of NBA players are broke within five years of leaving the game.

NBA great Allen Iverson earned $150 million in salary during his NBA career plus another $50 million from Reebok and tens of millions of dollars from other endorsement contracts.

Within a few years of leaving the NBA, Iverson was broke. 

Just six feet tall, Iverson was one of the most gifted and talented NBA guards ever to play basketball.

He scored 60 points in one game.  He scored 50-plus points in 11 games, 40-plus points in 74 games.  Over a 14-season stretch, he averaged 30-plus points per game.

But he loved to spend money. He reportedly kept money in garbage bags around his mansion, some of which went missing.  At one point, he bought a new car because he forgot where he had parked the old one at the airport.

His monthly expenses totaled nearly $360,000.

Iverson owned enormous mansions, the most expensive cars, loved to party, and was often seen throwing his money around at night clubs.  He reportedly blew $1 million in one night of gambling at an Atlantic City casino. 

A Jewelry store in Georgia had to take him to court over a $859,000 bill.

Other sporting greats had similar spending habits and ended up broke, including soccer legend Diego Maradona, golfing great John Daly, heavyweight champ boxer Mike Tyson, NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman, NFL legend Lawrence Taylor.  The list goes on.

Boxing great Mike Tyson managed to burn through $685 million in career earnings.  He filed for bankruptcy in 2003, reporting a $23 million in debt.

He had all kinds of personal problems, to include forgetting to pay taxes to the IRS.

To Tyson's credit, he seems to have pulled his life together in his 50s.  He's had some bit roles in movies, got a TV show, did some exhibition fights, and with the help of director Spike Lee put together an HBO hit stand-up performance called "Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth" where he just talks about his life.

Tyson today is estimated to be worth about $3 million.  So good for him for coming back.

Let's hope he can stay on a budget.

It's not what you earn.  What matters is how much you keep and how much you end up with as you get older.

One of my employees, Lisa, told me that she would love to follow my advice and invest 10 percent of her gross income in a stock index ETF, such as the QQQ; but that she would need a raise to be able to do that.

Lisa was in her twenties at that time.

I told her the raise is not really the issue. "I'll bet you are throwing away 15 percent of your money on things you don't need, probably don't even really want, without thinking about it."

"No way," she said. "I barely have enough income to make ends meet."

"I'll make a bet with you," I said. "For the next 30 days, every time you spend money, write it down and put the expense on an Excel spreadsheet before you go to bed at night.  Then we'll look at it.  If we can't find 15 percent of waste in your spending, I'll give you $1,000."

We sat down first and did some quickie math.  I pulled out a yellow legal pad of paper, a pen, and wrote down some numbers to start setting a framework for a budget.

Lisa's salary was $45,000 per year.  She was single.

Living in Virginia, federal and state taxes withheld from her paycheck totaled $9,169 for the year, leaving her take-home pay of $35,831 or $2,985 per month. 

Remember, the Tax Man is always paid first.  Mike Tyson forgot to pay the Tax Man.  This got him in a lot of trouble.  Movie star Wesley Snipes spent three years in prison because he didn't pay the Tax Man.

You have to pay the Tax Man.

So your budget has to start with your take-home pay after the Tax Man is paid.

So $2,985 per month was Lisa's take-home pay.

Lisa agreed to the bet.  If I could not find 15 percent of waste in her spending, I would owe her $1,000.

She would dutifully write down every expense in a pocket-sized notebook she would carry with her, even if the expense was only 10 cents.  She also agreed to keep her receipts from all trips to the grocery store, pharmacy and other stores. 

One month later, she presented me her log of expenses.

Lisa was paying $1,100 per month for rent and $195 per month on utilities – to include electricity and water.  She was also paying $135 per month for cable and Internet and $85 per month for her mobile phone plan.  So Lisa had $1,515 per month in fixed expenses.

She also had to eat, so had to buy groceries. We'd budget $250 per month for groceries. Lisa was spending $325 per month on car costs – to include car payment, auto insurance and gas.

This left Lisa $895 per month for other things – discretionary spending.

What was she spending this on?

A quick scan of her expenses for the month showed she was spending $7 every day at Starbucks for coffee and yogurt.  That's $210 for the month right there. Why couldn't she make her own coffee at home, put it in a thermos, grab a yogurt from the fridge and a banana and save close to $200 per month just by doing that?

Lisa had also spent $65 taking the tollway to work each day.  For an extra five minutes driving on non-toll roads each day, that's money she could be putting into her pocket instead of giving it to the tollway.

She had spent $475 that month going out with her friends to bars and restaurants.

She had spent $355 going to the mall shopping.  She was buying clothes, shoes, make-up and spending at the food court.

She had $6,400 in credit card debt and was paying a 26 percent interest rate, which totaled $138 for the month.

"Holy Cow!," I said.  "Do you realize you're spending $1,233 per month on things you really don't need?  This is 50 percent more than the $895 in discretionary funds you have each month. Most alarming is this 26 percent interest you are paying on the $6,400 you have in credit card debt. You'll never dig your way out of this without changing your spending habits even if I give you a 10 percent raise.  You could be putting that $138 in interest you are paying to credit card companies each month into a Nasdaq stock index fund."

"I'm so embarrassed," said Lisa.  "I don't even know how I can dig myself out of this hole I'm in."

"Let's sit down and put together a budget."

The first item we had to deal with was the $6,400 in credit card debt she had racked up with her trips to the mall, restaurants, and bars.

"First thing we need to do is limit you to spending $250 per month on entertainment and $100 per month on clothing and make-up," I said.

I went on: "You will pay cash for everything.  You will not use your credit card.  You will put $250 in cash into an envelope marked entertainment, $100 per month in an envelope marked clothing and make-up."

"Once this cash is gone for the month, you're done.  No more spending on these items.  No more Starbucks. Start shopping at Ross and Dollar Store. You must set aside $138 for credit card interest.  This leaves you $545 per month to pay off your credit card debt – which will take you 12 months. You'll just have to essentially live in debtor's prison (your apartment) until you pay off your credit card debt."

Lisa started to cry.

Then I said: "I will make a deal with you. If you stick to this program for 12 months and pay off your credit card debt, plus sign an agreement that you will never pay credit card interest again in your life, I will raise your pay by $5,000."

Lisa agreed.  She promised she would do this. 

Eight months later she came to me and said: "I'm done.  I've paid off my $6,400 in credit card debt!"

"Wow!" I said.  "How did you do that?"

"I followed exactly the program we agreed to, plus I got out of my $1,100 apartment lease and moved to a townhouse with two roommates.  This cut my rent to $600 per month.  I got rid of my car because the townhouse was near the train station so I take the train to work now.  Subtracting the cost of the car while adding the cost of the train nets me $150 per month.  We shared utility and cable costs.  I was also able to cut my cell phone plan from $85 to $55 per month.  I was careful at the grocery store, only bought healthy foods with no extras – no magazines, no junk food, no wine.  So was able to cut my monthly grocery bill from $250 to $175.  And I was still able to go out once a week with friends."

Lisa added: "I actually did as you said: treat saving money like a game – a battle with myself that I was determined to win.  I told my friends what I was doing.  Now they're all following this program.  We meet once a week to discuss our progress – not at a restaurant, at one of our places.  We have to show the group what we spent money on that week.  We now have 15 people in our group doing this."

After Lisa finished paying off her credit cards in eight months instead of 12, got rid of the $138 per month in interest she was paying, she was able sock away $200 every paycheck, every two weeks, into her 401k Nasdaq stock index fund.  Assuming she's able to get an average 12 percent annual return on her money, she'll have $1.9 million in 30 years.

She was also able to increase her entertainment budget to $300 per month and clothing-make-up budget to $150 per month.  She was able to go back to living, while also saving and investing for the future.

I was very happy to give her the $5,000 raise we had agreed to and added a $1,000 bonus for getting out of credit card debt four months early. 

If she keeps this up, she'll end up in much better financial shape than Allen Iverson and Mike Tyson who had brought in hundreds of millions of dollars during their careers.

If Lisa's income increases over time and she's able to increase her payment to her Future Self (QQQ) to $400 every two weeks, she'll have $3.8 million 30 years from now.

Remember, it's not how much you earn.  It's how much you keep.  And then it's how much you have in 20-30 years because it's not the present value of money; it's the future value of the money you keep if you invest wisely and consistently – the same amount in an index fund like QQQ every paycheck.

Pay the Tax Man first – so you stay out of trouble.  Pay QQQ (your Future Self) second.  Live on a budget. Never accumulate credit card debt.  Never pay credit card interest.

The key to saving money is to track your expenses every day.  Record every expenditure.  Keep a pocket-sized notepad.  Take it out of your pocket every time you spend money and write down the expenditure.  Then load it into an Excel spreadsheet or into QuickBooks each night before going to bed. Organize your spending by category:

1)     Taxes – if not withheld by your employer

2)     Rent or Mortgage Payment

3)     Utilities

4)     Cable/Internet

5)     Phone

6)     Property taxes

7)     Trash pick-up and other fixed monthly living costs.

8)     Car and transport

9)     Groceries

10) Clothing

11) Make-Up, Hair

12) Subscriptions (beyond basic cable)

13) Entertainment

14) Emergency Fund

15) Investment in 401k or IRA

The act of carrying a pocket-sized notebook and having to take it out and write down every expense as you are spending will have the effect of causing you to think: "Do I really need this item?"

This regimen will cause you to spend less, much less.  You will start feeling ashamed of all the crap you are having to write down in your notebook, memorializing all the money you are wasting.

This can really add up over one month.  The amount of wasted money can become staggering when added up over a year.  A few dollars here and a few dollars there adds up to thousands of dollars per year, easily.

Then when you review your spreadsheet of expenditures for the month, you will find so much you could be doing without.  Do you really need this subscription?  How about that $4 per month charge for the suped-up messaging app when the free regular messaging app would do just fine?  Do you really need that subscription to Spotify or the $9.99 per month fee Uber Eats is charging you? 

Did you really need to pay Amazon for overnight delivery on all those items you ordered?  Or would free standard delivery have been fine?  And did you really need these items at all you ordered from Amazon?

Perhaps you could have bought something similar at Ross for half or one-third the cost.

The only way to remove waste from your spending is by first tracking your spending.

Then set a budget.  Once you reach your monthly budget for each category of discretionary spending, you stop.

You stop going out to restaurants and movies.  You shop at Ross and Dollar Store instead of Macy's and Bloomingdale's.

You might need to scale down your lifestyle significantly.  Instead of driving a $45,000 car, maybe you should be driving a $10,000 used car.

We're still driving a 14-year-old Toyota Sienna that has 225,000 miles on it.   It still runs fine.  I've loved not having car payments on it for the past 11 years.

Yes, sometimes I've thought about getting that $110,000 Porsche Taycan.  That would be fun to cruise around in.

But why?

Is that $3,100 monthly car payment really worth it?

That's $37,200 per year in car payments.

I can triple or quadruple this money over 10 years through intelligent investing.

So the car payment would actually be more like $10,000 per month once we take into account the future value of this money.

Instead of buying or leasing this Porsche, we could take some of this money and go on some very nice vacations every year and still have plenty left over to invest.

Wanda and I value our vacations and travel experiences far more than things.  We're trying to unload our things.  We want to live light.

If I want to tool around in a Porsche sometimes, I can always rent one for a couple of days.

Be smart.  What you want to do is lower your fixed monthly expenses.

A billionaire friend of mine owns a large company with thousands of employees.  He's a budgeting and cost-control fanatic.  He's in his 70s and still has to personally approve every cost expenditure of $25,000 or more at his company.

This is how billionaires operate.  This is a big part of how billionaires become billionaires – by strictly controlling costs . . . because if your outflow is more than your inflow, you'll have big problems quickly, as Allen Iverson, Mike Tyson and many others have learned the hard way.

A true status symbol is not the $900 Gucci handbag or the $110,000 Porsche Taycan, but having no debt.

The key to building wealth is to live well within your means.  Make sure you are living in a way that allows you to pay 15 percent of your gross income to your Future Self via QQQ.

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett is still living in the same house in Omaha, Nebraska he bought for $31,500 in 1958.

When he was walking through an airport with Washington Post owner Katherine Graham, she needed to make a phone call on a pay phone.  She had no change.  She asked Warren if he had a dime so she could make the call.

He pulled a quarter out of his pocket, looked at it, then walked over to a store and asked the clerk if she could give him change for the quarter.

Buffett presented Katherine Graham with the dime for the phone call.

Graham reportedly told Buffet: "Warren, you're a billionaire.  I think we could have afforded to give the phone company an extra 15 cents."

For Buffett, it's his automatic reflex never to waste money.  He's always thinking of the future value of money – what happens to money if it's allowed to compound over time.

Buffett's investments have returned 22 percent annually on average over the decades.

This means he's been able to double his money about every three years.

Buffett says that his outlook on wasting $1 is that it's really like wasting $9 over a 10-year time period or $78 over a 20-year time period because of the compounded returns he'll make by investing that $1.

That's how Buffet views wasting even $1. Over a 20-year time horizon, he will turn that $1 into $78 through compounded 22 percent annual investment returns on that $1.

As I write this page, Warren Buffett is worth about $120 billion. 

So this rule is especially important when you are young.  Having a budget and controlling expenses is always important, but it's especially important when you are young because of the "Time Value" of money.

The value of your money, if you follow sound rules of investing, compounds over time and builds up like a rolling snowball.

Your snowball starts off small.  You roll the snowball once, it gets bigger.  The more you roll it, the larger the amount of snow that's added with each additional roll (representing a year or period of time).  One of the better biographies of Warren Buffet is titled Snowball, by Alice Schroeder, because this is the image Buffett often brings up when talking about the "Time Value" of money. 

Buffett is the most successful investor in history because of his patience.  He understood the "Time Value" of money and the "Law of Compounding Returns."

All financial experts, of course, know this law too.  They just don't live this law as strictly as Warren Buffet does.  Buffett has made more money in the stock market than any investor in history.

And Buffett still lives on his $100,000 per year salary from his company Berkshire-Hathaway.  He hasn't given himself a pay raise in more than 40 years.

His company pays no dividends because he wants to put every penny of cash possible into the growth of his company.  Buffett is the greatest investor of all time primarily because of his patience and disciplined approach.

Warren Buffet is a fanatic budgeter.  He pours through the financial reports of companies he buys and invests in to spot the waste. 

A business without strict cost controls won't be in business for long.  A family or an individual without a budget and strict cost-controls will always be in debt, will never dig out, will never build wealth.

It's not so much the big expenses that get you.

You notice those.  The big costs are easier to say "no" to.

It's the little costs you don't notice much that really add up.  The little costs eat away at your wealth like termites.

Track your spending each day. Review your spending each month.  Set a firm budget that allows you to set aside at least 15 percent of your gross income to invest in a stock market index fund such as QQQ or VOOG. 

Max out to your 401k or IRA.  By maxing out your 401K or IRA contribution, you don't pay tax on this income until you pull it out to live during retirement, possibly at a lower tax rate. 

Because you are lowing your tax bill with your contribution to your 401k or IRA plan, this is like getting an instant 20-36 percent return on your money the first year, depending on your tax bracket. 

Congress set it up this way because Congress wants to encourage Americans to save and invest for their golden years.

That's in addition to whatever your shares in QQQ might be increasing in value that year.

This is how you can become a relatively wealthy person within 20 years even if you are only earning $45,000 per year.  But hopefully, if you follow the rules in this book, you will earn exponentially more than this as your career builds over the years.

Develop a "Learning Mindset"

To learn any subject or skill, you must have a "learning mindset."

You must want to learn.

According to the Harvard Business Review, the most important trait in the most successful people is they all have a learning mindset – a passion for learning new things.

The most successful people read every day.

As of this writing, Elon Musk's net worth is $200 billion at the age of 51.

He grew up in South Africa with very little. 

At the age of nine, he read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica from A-Z.  Then read it all again because he thought this was the best way to understand the world. 

He thought he could at least have a surface understanding of almost all major subjects by reading and absorbing the Encyclopedia Britannica.

He would read 10 hours a day. He also loved to read science fiction. His favorite science fiction writers were Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein and Douglas Adams.

Musk says Asimov’s books, especially his Foundation series of novels, taught him that civilization "moves in cycles." 

Civilizations rise, then collapse into a dark age, then a new civilization rises.  In Asimov's Foundation series, the Foundation is a repository of human knowledge that exists to save civilization through periods of barbarism.

“Given that this is the first time in 4.5 billion years where it’s been possible for humanity to extend life beyond Earth,” says Musk, “it seems like we’d be wise to act while the window is open and not count on the fact it will be open a long time.”

From his childhood in South Africa, Elon was fascinated with computers, software and rockets.  He taught himself how to code and created his own video games.  He built rockets and launched them for his school science projects.

He was heavily influenced by Douglas Adams' great series of novels The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy.

From the age of nine, Elon's goal was to somehow get to America, which he saw as the "land of opportunity" – where he could get things done and make things happen.

Even as a kid, his big goal in life was to build spaceships and colonize space.

We need books and role models to inspire us. This is where we get our big ideas – which my mentor Richard Viguerie calls a BHAG – a "Big Hairy Audacious Goal."

"What's your BHAG?" Richard often asked us. "What's your BHAG for the next five years?"

It's the BHAG that inspires the greats.  We then need short-term goals (benchmarks) that take us step-by-step toward our BHAG – Big Hairy Audacious Goal.

Elon's BHAG starting in childhood was to build spaceships and colonize space so he could transform humans into an interplanetary species . . . so we will have a place to go when the Earth ends . . . so we can extend human consciousness forever.

That's some BHAG!

And let's say Elon falls short of his BHAG. He will still have achieved amazing things and made the world a better place just by striving each day to achieve his ultimate goal.

Musk says the books that inspired him to act and that had the most impact on his thinking are:

J.R. Tolkien's books, especially The Lord of the Rings series.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams

Structures: Or Why Things Don’t Fall Down, by J.E. Gordon

Benjamin Franklin: An American Life, by Walter Isaacson

Einstein: His Life and Universe, by Walter Isaacson

Superintelligence: Paths, Dangers, Strategies, by Nick Bostrom

Merchants of Doubt by Erik M. Conway and Naomi Oreskes

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

The “Foundation” Trilogy by Isaac Asimov

Musk says he was inspired to action by science fiction novels where the heroes "felt a duty to save the world."

A real-life hero who inspired Musk was Benjamin Franklin – an American founder, inventor, and pioneer. 

Franklin was a signer of both America's Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. 

“He was an entrepreneur,” Musk says in an interview. “He started from nothing. He was just a runaway kid” – like Elon.

Musk's vision for what he wants to ultimately accomplish (colonize space) was inspired largely by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series of novels by Douglas Adams.

Here is an excerpt from an interview where Elon describes this:

ALISON VAN DIGGELEN: "What was it about that book that fired your imagination?"

ELON: "I guess when I was around 12 or 15 … I had an existential crisis, and I was reading various books on trying to figure out the meaning of life and what does it all mean? It all seemed quite meaningless and then we happened to have some books by Nietzsche and Schopenhauer in the house, which you should not read at age 14 (laughter). It is bad, it’s really negative. So then I read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy which is quite positive I think and it highlighted an important point which is that a lot of times the question is harder than the answer. And if you can properly phrase the question, then the answer is the easy part. So, to the degree that we can better understand the universe, then we can better know what questions to ask. Then whatever the question is that most approximates: what’s the meaning of life? That’s the question we can ultimately get closer to understanding. And so I thought to the degree that we can expand the scope and scale of consciousness and knowledge, then that would be a good thing.”

This comedic series of novels is written in the form of an encyclopedia.  It's a story about the last surviving human.  Earth had been destroyed by an advanced alien fleet to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Arthur Dent is rescued from Earth's destruction by a human-like alien who is a researcher writing an encyclopedia of the galaxy.  Dent hitchhikes on the alien spacecraft and explores the galaxy.

Dent comes to discover that they are all living in a giant supercomputer created by another supercomputer called Deep Thought.  This is probably where Elon gets his theory that we are all living in a computer simulation.

Young Elon became inspired to save the world.  If life on Earth becomes uninhabitable (perhaps because of a solar flare), he wants other places for humans to escape to.  He wants to be able to extend human consciousness beyond the life of our planet – forever, if possible.

He believes we will reach a point where our own individual consciousness can be transferred to something else outside our body, to another body – a replacement body that would be superior to the bodies we have now.

So this is what he set out to achieve.

At age 17, Elon and his brother Kimbal (then age 16) saved up enough money for a plane ticket to Canada, which had easier immigration rules than the United States at that time.  Musk also had family ties in Canada.

So his plan was to live in Canada for a while and then make his way to America.  He and his brother Kimbal arrived in Canada with no money – just dreams, goals, and plans.

Elon has a superhuman work ethic. 

Action, daily action toward your goal is what turns your goal into reality.

Elon is a man with big goals followed by relentless action.

As a teenager, he tried to figure out a way to get the proper nutrients into his body without having to stop work to eat.  Shopping for food and sitting down at the table for dinner is time-consuming when your goal is to colonize space, save humankind, and extend human consciousness into eternity so we can one day meet the creator of this video game who created all this.

Elon ultimately concluded that taking breaks to eat is actually more productive.

Few people are as driven as Elon Musk, starting at age eight.

But the most successful people in life all have a learning mindset along with a driving work ethic and sense of purpose.

I get inspiration, motivation, and knowledge by reading biographies about great entrepreneurs and leaders – biographies of Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, Henry Ford, Ray Kroc, Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, and so many others.

One great benefit of reading biographies of these amazing people is you find out they are just people like you. 

They put their pants on the same way you do.  They have worries and frustrations. 

They all had many failures, big failures. 

They all failed their way to success.

And they were all voracious readers and learners.  Reading and learning is where you get inspiration and motivation.  If you want to succeed in life, simply copy what successful people are doing.

There's no need to reinvent the wheel.  Just learn what's already known – which is the main theme of The Foundation series of novels by Isaac Asimov.

This is how civilization is built – by just adding a bit to what others before you have built.

You don't need to be a pioneer or an inventor.  In fact, pioneers and inventors usually go broke.

Just copy the successful.  Learn what they know.  Do what they do – tailored to your own personal goals and talents.

The most successful people read at least two hours a day and regularly attend lectures, seminars and workshops.

They are always looking to develop new skills and master new subjects that will help them more rapidly advance toward their goals in life.

Learning is great for its own sake.  But learning with a purpose in mind is even better.

Find Great Teachers and Mentors

Learning is so much easier and more enjoyable if you have a teacher – a personal guide who tells you exactly what you must know and what to do.

You can learn how to play golf on your own, without a coach.  Some great golfers have managed to – such as the great Sam Snead and Mo Norman.

They were self-taught golfers.

But for most of us (99 percent) you will progress much quicker and perform much better if you seek out great teachers and listen to what they have to say, and do exactly what they tell you to do.

Finding great teachers  is your shortcut to success.

One of the great teachers for my life has been Richard Viguerie. As I write these words, he is 90 years old and still going just as strong as ever. 

Richard is a pioneer of direct mail fundraising for non-profit organizations, with an emphasis on raising funds for conservative and right-of-center political causes.

Advertising "junk mail" had been around for a long time.  But Richard applied mass direct mail marketing methods to raise funds for causes he cares about – including Republican political candidates.

Richard Viguerie's agency has mailed billions of letters and raised billions of dollars over the decades for all kinds of political and charitable causes.  His agency has about 100 employees.

Political historians believe there probably never would have been a Reagan Presidency without the mailing lists of millions of grassroots donors created by Richard Viguerie and his ad agency.

With the assistance of Richard's direct mail fundraising methods and mailing lists, Ronald Reagan nearly defeated incumbent Republican President Gerald Ford in 1976.  This then paved the way for Ronald Reagan's win over President Jimmy Carter in 1980.

I was a writer – a writer of books and speeches for top Republican political figures, including Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush and many others.  So I had known Richard socially through Republican and conservative political circles.

I was talking with Richard at one of his annual Fourth of July barbecues in 1988.  He asked me if I'd like to do some writing for his agency – try my hand at some direct mail fundraising packages.

I said "Sure.  That would be a lot of fun."

So I wrote a fundraising letter and reply form.  I sketched out designs for the outer envelope and the reply envelope.  I also included an extra insert with the package.

I spent several days on the project and was very proud of my work.  I delivered my product to Richard.

He told me "It's well written."  He said he would conduct a test mailing to 25,000 people.

I said "Great" – and confidently added: "My guess is contributions will pour in."

About four weeks later, I got a phone call from Richard. 

He said in a very pleasant tone: "Ben, would you like to come over to the office to review the results of your package."

I said "Sure!"

I expected the results would be tremendous.  Why wouldn't they be?  I'm a professional writer.

I arrived at Richard's office.  He laid out a report on the results of my mailing on a table.

I looked at the report.  Almost no donations had come in.

I looked at Richard:  "This is awful!" I said.  "And this mailing cost $15,000."

He said:  "Yup, your package sure stunk up the place."

I hung my head in shame.  Then he laughed.  He was not the least bit upset.

"Did you know my mailing would stink up the place?" I asked.

"Yes," Richard said. "I was 100 percent certain your package would bring in about what it brought in – almost nothing."

"So why did you mail it and waste all this money?"

"Because you never would have believed your package was no good until you saw the results for yourself."

"But this cost you $15,000," I said.

"Only in the short-term," said Richard.  "You are a good writer.  But you don't know anything about direct marketing.  I'll give you another chance to write a direct mail package for me on one condition."

"What's that?" I asked.

"That you follow my instructions exactly," said Richard.  "No doing it your way."

So that's what I did.  I took careful notes on what he wanted in the package.  I sent several drafts to him, which he sent back with changes he wanted.  The package included an 8-page letter, a survey with a donation reply form attached, an additional insert, a reply envelope – all inside a standard #10 envelope.

The outside envelope was closed face (no window).  We addressed it with an old-fashioned typewriter typeface so it really looked like a personal letter – not like junk mail.

We affixed five stamps on the envelope totaling the postage amount.  Richard wanted the stamps crooked and sloppy.  It was almost as if he wanted this mailing to look as ugly as possible.  It sure did not look like the usual junk mail we see in our mailbox every day.  This package did not look professional at all.

"I would open this," I said.  "I'd want to see who sent me this."

"That's the point," said Richard.

Once the package was in "mailable shape," as Richard put it, he mailed it to 25,000 people again – another test.

Four weeks later, Richard called me, and asked me to come back in and review results.

I dreaded the drive to his office.  I thought it might be another Hindenburg-style disaster.

Richard gave me a report on the results.  He was smiling.

I reviewed the numbers.  The mailing was a terrific success.  More than $1.25 per letter had come in – a total of $31,000 at a cost of about $15,000.

This sure beat the $900 that came in on my first effort.

"Wow!" I said.  "There really is a trick to this."

"Many tricks," Richard said.  "You've just scratched the surface."

"I'm blown away by this," I said.

Richard then said: "The truth is direct marketing is the easiest way I know to make a living.  You just have to learn the tricks of the trade.  You have to learn the laws and rules of marketing."

Then Richard said:  "If you'd be interested in working for my agency, I'd be glad to teach you everything I've learned in my decades in this business."

"Absolutely," I said.  "That would be awesome.  This is an entire new frontier for me – a new body of knowledge."

"There's just one condition," Richard added.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Before you can write another package for me, you'll need to read these books."

"Absolutely," I said.

He then had his secretary bring in a pile of books, which included:

Scientific Advertising and My Life in Advertising, by Claude Hopkins

Ogilvy on Advertising and Ogilvy on Marketing, by David Ogilvy

Tested Advertising Methods, by John Caples

Secrets of Successful Direct Mail, by Richard Benson

Successful Direct Marketing Methods, by Bob Stone

How to Write a Good Advertisement, by Victor Schwab

He said: "When you finish reading these, come on back in and I'll ask you some questions about these books.  If I like your answers, if I think you've grasped this material, you can write for my agency."

So that's what I did.

Since that day, my direct mail packages have generated more than $1 billion in sales, donations, and membership fees for all kinds of political candidates, non-profit organizations, and businesses.

I would never have thought to get into this business were it not for Richard Viguerie.

I learned just about everything I know about direct marketing from Richard Viguerie and the books he told me to read. 

Other books he added to my list include all books by Al Ries and Jack Trout, all books by Robert Cialdini, and all books by Seth Godin.

He also taught me a lot about business and how to negotiate contracts.

The way Richard runs his company is more like a university than a business.  Every week, sometimes more than once a week, he will conduct a seminar for the staff.  Or he will bring in a guest speaker.  Everyone is required to attend.

If you're not interested in learning the business, and learning everything about the direct marketing field, you won't last long at Richard's agency. 

But if you show interest and some aptitude, Richard will invest a lot of time and money in your education.

"You cannot learn this in school," says Richard.  "You can only learn this business by working for an agency and from others who have done this successfully."

Someone asked: "Richard, why are you willing to share all your secrets with everyone?"

Richard: "Because my goal is to build the conservative movement and save America.  The more young conservatives I can teach how to do this, the stronger the conservative movement will become because the more we can spread our ideas and views and the more money we can raise for conservative organizations and candidates."

A number of people went on from Richard's agency to build their own agencies.  I was one; and went off to build my agency.

Another, Tom Phillips, built a $100 million publishing empire called Phillips Publishing and Eagle Publishing by using the direct marketing methods Richard taught us.

I asked Richard if it annoys him when people leave his agency to use his methods to build their own businesses.

"Not one bit," said Richard.  "I love seeing my former employees and students go on to become big successes – especially if they are contributing to the growth of the conservative movement and expanding freedom."

One secretary at Richard's agency named Susan Doner became one of America's top direct marketing copywriters.

How did she do it?

She paid close attention to what Richard was telling the staff every week in these seminars.  Then what she would do is find the most successful direct mail marketing packages and just retype them.

Yup.  Just retype them.  She thought this was the best way to learn how to write a successful direct mail package because retyping them forced her to slow down and really study these winning packages.

She also read all the books Richard told us to read, and more.  And she would ask lots of questions.

"Why are you doing it this way instead of that way?" she would ask – questions like that.  "Why do you think this package worked and that package crashed?"

Susan got quite wealthy writing direct mail packages.  She and I have a friendly rivalry.

She likes it when her packages beat mine.  I'm happy if my package beats hers.

Both our packages usually work at some level, so the agency usually ends up mailing both, and we collect our royalties.

Susan took her profits and bought a big horse farm that included a substantial horse breeding business.

But she still writes direct marketing packages because she loves doing it.

What's amazing about Richard Viguerie is at age 90 he continues to attend marketing seminars and workshops – even when the seminar is taught by young kids who aren't qualified to carry his briefcase.

He'll often be at Internet marketing seminars where the average age of the students in attendance is 23.

I asked him why he goes to these seminars since he already knows probably 99 percent of what's being taught.

"Two reasons," he said.

"First, just one idea I pick up here can be worth $1 million or more if I act on it.  Second, I often find very talented young people to hire for my agency.  I figure anyone who is motivated enough to take the time to attend a seminar like this is probably someone I want working for me."

The most successful and interesting people in life are learners.  They read, they attend seminars, and they teach others what they know.  They don't worry much about giving away their secrets.  They aren't hoarders of information.

For one thing, they know 99 percent of people they share their knowledge with won't act on it anyway.  If you hand a pigmy a bag of gold, he won't know what to do with it.

Elon Musk has this same attitude.  All the software he creates for his self-driving Tesla vehicles is open source.

Anyone can look at the software and see exactly what he's doing.  Anyone can examine his cars, his spaceships and all his creations and just copy them.

Elon knows it won't matter.  He knows he's always going to be several steps ahead.

Besides, a big part of Elon's mission in life is to preserve and advance knowledge (The Foundation by Isaac Asimov) in order to protect and advance civilization.

We all advance because the teachers and pioneers who came before us were willing to share with us what they knew.  This is how civilization is built.

Knowledge really is power.  The more you know, the more power you will have over your life.

If you know the combination to Fort Knox, you can access the gold.  If you knew with 100 percent certainty what the stock market will do tomorrow, you could instantly make $1 billion with that knowledge.

Google has built a $1.3 trillion-dollar company on this principle – that knowledge, that information is power. 

We now live in the Information Age, the Knowledge Age.

In the 19th century and before, we lived in a mostly agrarian economy – when people lived primarily on what they produced personally from the land they lived on. 

If you had a bad crop, there was a good chance you would starve.  You made your own soap. You built your own house.

Everything was handcrafted – made individually – whether it was your saddle, your wagon, your gun, or your plough.

We then evolved to an industrial economy – an age of factories and mass-production, pioneered primarily by Henry Ford.

During this Industrial Age in the 20th Century, people were mainly paid for their time. 

You showed up at a factory and you were paid for your eight hours of work.  You were paid for your time.  Then you went home and then came back to do this again the next day.

The most successful people in the 20th century were experts at managing time.  They were efficiency experts.  They were experts at organizing large numbers of people and leveraging their time into mass-production projects.

Today, the richest people, the most successful people, are paid for their knowledge, their expertise, the information they have, the skills they have.

The knowledge you have is what’s of real value – more so than ever today.  And we will keep heading in this direction.

Work that is primarily human labor will be replaced by machines and robots.  That’s happening now.

What’s needed now are people who know how to operate the machines, design the machines, program the machines, and fix the machines when they break down.

So that’s the direction the world is heading.  If you don’t have a learning mindset, you will be left behind.

And, of course, technology is changing so fast, so you have to learn new skills all the time just to keep up with it.

If you learn a new skill in technology, this skill will be obsolete within a few years.  So you will need to constantly upgrade your skills and learn brand new skills all the time if you want to stay in the technology game.  The field of technology advances every day.

I was talking with a college student recently who is an English Literature major.  I was also an English Literature major when I attended Dartmouth College.

He told me he concluded that what he should really do is learn how to become a software coder so that he could immediately walk out of college into an $80,000 or $100,000 per year job.

But he said he had never done any software coding before.  He wondered if it was too late for him to learn how to do this. 

Now, I’m no expert at software coding either.  I learned enough pretty quickly (with a few weeks of focused work) to be able to build basic websites.

I’m a writer and a marketing strategist.  I write ads for a living.

But I told him: "My guess is, if you really put your mind to it, you could learn enough about software coding in about six months of diligent, focused daily work and practice to qualify for an $80,000 or $100,000 a year job.  Then your income would go up from there.  But you must really commit yourself to doing this.

Part 3: Become a Strategist

Use "Game Theory" to Win at Life

You have no doubt heard the phrase: "Work smarter, not harder."

I would drop the "not harder" part of this advice.  Work hard, but also work smart.

People often fail in life because they did not pick the right strategy.  They tried to sell the wrong product.  They entered a field where there was little chance of success.  You can work very hard running down the wrong path only to hit a dead end.

To make good money and build wealth, you must become a good strategist.

"Game Theory" is an enormous subject covering economics, sociology, business, politics, gaming, and human behavior. 

In summary, it's about how humans respond to incentives and navigate life in an effort to achieve the best outcome for themselves.

"Game Theory" came to the fore of popular culture with the movie A Beautiful Mind.  This 2001 movie won the Oscar for Best Picture. It starred Russell Crowe as the Nobel Prize winning economist and mathematician John Nash.

Nash won his Nobel Prize for his contribution to "Game Theory."

To illustrate one variation of "Game Theory," the movie contains a bar scene. In the scene a group of women walk into the bar.  A group of young men are there, including Nash.

One of the women is an especially attractive blonde.  The others are perfectly acceptable from an appearance standpoint.  Each of the young men must calculate whether to approach the knock-out gorgeous woman or settle for one of the other perfectly acceptable women.

Nash calculates that if they all rush the gorgeous bombshell, the bombshell might get turned off by being mobbed. The perfectly acceptable women might also be turned off by being treated as Plan B, C, or D.

If the men play it wrong, they might all end up with no one.

Or let's change the game slightly.

Let's say I'm in my days as a single college student. And let's say I walk into a bar with a young Brad Pitt and there's a group of attractive women there.

They all come over because they want to meet Brad Pitt.

That could work out very well for me.  Brad Pitt can't entertain all these women.  I'm perfectly happy being Plan B for one of the cast-offs – who I likely never would have met had I not walked in with Brad Pitt.

So it would have been great strategy to walk into the bar with Brad Pitt.

The calculation is similar in sporting contests. 

In baseball, is it better to just try to get on base with a single or a walk, or swing for the fences for the home run?  In football, should we try to pick up the first down with a one-yard run, or surprise the opposing team with a pass and potentially get a quick-strike touchdown?

The answer in these kinds of calculations depends on many variables.  It depends on the strengths, weaknesses, and personalities of the participants in the game.  It also depends on the situation.

To paraphrase the late Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, there are known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns.

The unknown unknowns are Black Swan events.

Black Swan events are rare events that generally would not enter into our "game theory" calculations – like a solar flare wiping out all life on Earth.

That might happen, but isn't something we plan for as we try to win this game called Life.

None of us know the future. Anything can happen. You might get hit by a bus. You might drop dead at any time from a brain aneurysm

I just saw a story on the news about how a plane crashed into a car that was driving down the highway. This happened a few miles from our house in south Florida.  The two in the plane were killed.  The mom driving the car was critically injured.  Sadly, her young son was killed.

That's not something you'd expect would happen – a plane crashing into you while you and your child are driving along happily on a sunny afternoon.

These are Black Swan events.

What we try to do is calculate the odds the best we can given the information we have.

The right decisions in life depend a lot on one's personality.

Not everyone, for example, is cut out to be an entrepreneur.

Starting a business is risky. The upside is tremendous if your business succeeds.  But most fail.

When I've interviewed potential employees, I often ask them this question to get a sense of their personality:  Would you rather have a fixed annual salary of $50,000 or a 20 percent chance to earn $1,000,000 over the next 12 months with no fixed salary?

90 percent will choose the $50,000 fixed annual salary over the 20 percent chance to earn $1,000,000.

Taking the $50,000 fixed salary is not necessarily the wrong decision.  It depends on your personality.  You can still get rich on a $50,000 annual salary if you live modestly and sock away 15% of your gross income into a Nasdaq stock market index fund (QQQ) for 40 years.

Nothing wrong with doing that.  For most people, that's a fine strategy for life.

Avoid some of life's big mistakes. Avoid getting pregnant too young, getting divorced, going to jail, and substance abuse.  Then just follow this approach.  You'll be fine.

However, from a gaming standpoint, it would be far better to take the 20 percent chance of earning $1,000,000 in a year than taking the fixed $50,000.

A 20 percent chance of earning $1,000,000 is really like earning $200,000. Then you might look at ways to increase your odds of earning the $1,000,000.

It would certainly be the case that earning the $1,000,000 would be based on your productivity, might be based on sales commissions.

The 20 percent also might be an average of what people who accept this offer earn, or might be the mean.  Improving your odds would then just be a matter of improving your sales and marketing skills.

Perhaps you don't earn the full $1,000,000.  You end up only earning half this.  You earn $500,000.  Or you only earn $250,000.   So you are still well ahead of a $50,000 fixed salary.

In evaluating your decision, you will want to look carefully at the product you are selling.

Is it a product that sells? 

If you are living off commissions, you want to be selling a product people want.  You want to be selling the top product in the category, not the inferior product.  Tesla does no advertising.  You have to order the car months in advance.

Great products sell themselves, not much salesmanship required.  Just present it. 

You want to be selling the right product.  You want to be selling hamburgers to a hungry crowd.

This is all part of your "game theory" calculation.

Also, companies would much rather pay with commission than a fixed salary even if the company ends up paying you a lot more money if you succeed.

If you are getting paid a 10-15 percent commission and earning $1,000,000, that means the company you are working for will be thrilled with you.  This means the company is taking in $6-10 Million from your efforts.

Your job is secured.

Well, that's not always true either.  There will be someone in the accounting department who thinks you are making too much money.  They will try to cut your commission.

So, yes, that happens.  Never underestimate the power of envy and jealousy.

If that happens, you can always take your skills to another company or launch off on your own.

This has happened to me.  It's no big deal.  Once you've proven to yourself you have the capability of bringing in the big bucks, you know you can do it anywhere.

Plus, you've now tipped the odds in your favor because businesses loathe fixed costs, loathe fixed salaries.  All sensible businesses would love to find a way to pay everyone based on the value each person actually produces.  Great businesses find ways to align incentives with production of measurable value.

I love being measured by the actual value I produce.  For the most part, no one complains about how much they pay me because they are making far more from my work than I am.

But most people freak out over the prospect of being paid based on performance. 

90 percent of people will take the $50,000 fixed salary over a 20 percent chance to earn $1,000,000 per year.

Those who choose the fixed salary believe they are choosing safety over uncertainty.

But there is no certainty in a fixed $50,000 salary. You could be fired.  A new boss might arrive and replace you with someone else. 

In the 1950s, most people stayed with a company for their entire working lives, then retired at age 65.

This is no longer the norm.  Today, companies are constantly bought and sold by private equity firms.

They merge with other companies.  Private companies go public.  There are hostile takeovers.  If a publicly-owned corporation misses earnings and revenue benchmarks for a few quarters, the entire management is blasted out.

So there's no security in a full-time job with a fixed annual salary.

How to Become a "Lucky" Person

Make a habit of calculating cost, risk, and potential reward for everything you do.

This is a big part of how you create your own luck. This is how you become a "lucky person" instead of an unlucky person.

This applies to your business, professional life, investments, health, and personal relationships – almost everything you do.

I try to apply this habit to almost every area of my life.

For example, I never take flights with connections unless I have no other choice, even though connecting flights are often cheaper than non-stop direct flights.

With connecting flights, you have a loss of time.  A level of uncertainty is introduced because if there's a delay in the first leg of your flight, you might miss your connecting flight.

If I can drive somewhere in less than five hours, I will drive rather than fly.  With flights, you have to calculate the time needed to get to the airport, go through security, board the plane and wait for takeoff.  Then there's the time at the other end, including perhaps renting a car or waiting for an Uber.

You have to spend time strategically packing your carry-on luggage so you don't have to go through the lengthy process of checking a suitcase that won't qualify as carry-on.

Flights are often delayed or cancelled.

When scheduling a flight, I try to book an early-morning flight, 6 or 7 a.m. because I know the plane has been there overnight, isn't coming in from some place else.  So there's less chance of delays and cancellations with first flights out in the morning.

The other problem with flying is the lack of flexibility. With a car, you leave when you want to leave.  You just toss your junk in and go; then return when you want to return.  Time in the car is not wasted.  I use that time to listen to an audiobook or a podcast.

So my rule is if I can drive it in five hours or less, that's what I do.  Six hours becomes a close call. I still would likely drive.

When choosing clients I might take on or business opportunities, I conduct a rigorous cost-benefit-risk analysis.

When I first went into business for myself, I took almost any business that came in because I needed cash-flow, needed money.  But as my business matured, I could be more selective.  Factors I consider before I take on new business projects now include:

1)     What's the potential upside?

2)     How much of my time will this take?

3)     How much cash will I need to lay out?

4)     At what point should I pull the plug on the project if it doesn't seem to be working?

5)     Are the people hiring me easy to work with?

Point #5 is key for me. I will almost never accept a lawyer as a client, for example.  Lawyers tend to be very difficult to work with. And the odds of ending up in a lawsuit with your lawyer client is high.  So spare me from doing business with lawyers.

When considering taking on a new client, I'm usually looking for asymmetric returns – that is, a limited expenditure of time and money that might end up leading to nothing, but that has good potential for exponential upside returns if the project works.

What I don't want are clients and projects that suck up all my time with little or no potential for exponential return and growth.  I'm not interested in just getting paid by the hour or for my time.  I want to get paid for my time plus participate in the upside if a project I'm working on really takes off.

Over the years and decades, 80 percent of my income has come not from being paid for my time, but by participating in the upside of projects I'm involved with.

So I always ask to be paid for my time, plus a 10-15 percent royalty on the ad campaigns I create; or perhaps 10 percent of the gross income generated by my ad campaigns.

Percentages vary depending on the project.  So obviously I would much rather have 0.1 percent of Microsoft than anything I have.

The key principle is I want to get a percentage of the upside of any marketing project I take on.

This requires me to assess whether or not a big market exists for whatever my ad campaign is selling.  If the market appears too small, it's not likely I'll be interested. If there's not enough differentiation for the product and too much competition in the space, I'm probably also not interested.

When you're young and just getting started, the value of your time is not worth much because you don't know much.  The goal is to make your time more and more valuable because you know more, have developed skills, and can provide more value to your clients.

Today, unless I can see a way to clear $1,000 for each hour of my time I invest, I'm probably not interested.   I'm at a stage in life when I'm just not interested in small projects with small returns.

For clients I decide to take on, 80 percent won't be worth much and will be time-wasters for the most part.  But 20 percent will yield exponential returns.

It's the 80-20 rule that applies to all areas of life.

If I take on a new client and launch a direct marketing campaign for that client, I know the odds are it won't work.  But to take on a client, I must believe there's a 20 percent chance of success. The profitability of the 20 percent of marketing campaigns that really work is tremendous.

And actually it's not even 20 percent that really work.  It's maybe five percent that become the "whale" clients and projects that produce almost all my income.

The odds in roulette and blackjack are just tipped slightly in favor of the casino, which is plenty.

If you bet on red in roulette, your odds of winning are 48.65 percent.  So slightly less than winning a coin flip.

If you follow basic strategy in blackjack that you can learn with 10 minutes of study (no card counting), your odds of winning a hand of blackjack are 48.5 percent.

That will likely keep you playing for quite a while before you run out of money. 

The casinos don't want you to lose all your money quickly because casinos are trying to turn you into an addict.  If you lose all your money quickly, you probably won't come back. The casinos are happy to win just 51.5 percent of blackjack hands.

But you will run out of money eventually.

You'll probably have fun along the way. The pretty servers will keep the drinks flowing to keep you at the table.  You'll feel like a high roller in James Bond's Casino Royale. But eventually you'll run out of money – which is what pays for the Vegas casinos.

All of life is really a numbers game – playing the odds and looking for ways to tip the odds in your favor.  Just tipping the odds slightly in your favor is enough.

The world champion chess player is no longer a match for the computer because the computer is better at math – better at analyzing all the possibilities and options many moves ahead.

Strategy is almost entirely about math.  Everyone should take some courses in statistics and analyzing probabilities.  These are among the most valuable courses I took in college. 

An understanding of statistics and probabilities helps you in every area of life. If your goal is to find your spouse or a partner, you tip the odds in your favor by learning how to walk up to strangers and say "Hello."

If you do this 100 times and get 99 "no's" and one "yes," you've won the dating game. But in reality, if your appearance and personality are even somewhat acceptable, you'll at least end up in a conversation with more than 50 percent of the people you walk up to and say: "Hello, I'm Jim.  What's your name?"

In direct mail marketing, if you're selling an item, let's say an information product, for $50 and the cost of putting a letter in the mail advertising the product is 50 cents, then you need a one-percent response rate to break even.  If you get a 1.2 percent response rate, you've made a 20 percent profit.  If you're lucky enough to get a 2 percent response rate, you've doubled your money.

That's the basic math. It's usually well worth losing money to find a new customer because the value is in the repeat purchases that customer will make in the future.  

Amazon was in business for more than a decade before it turned in its first profitable quarter . . . because Jeff Bezos understood the long-term value of finding a customer.  Bezos understood the value of increasing market share.  Intelligent investors also understood what Bezos was doing.  So they invested.

Bezos' parents invested $245,573 in Amazon in 1995 based on Bezos' business plan.  Bezos told his parents up front that there was a 70 percent chance they would lose their entire investment.

Bezos' parents invested anyway.  They liked his plan.  They knew their son was very smart. He had graduated from Princeton summa cum laude with a Bachelor of Science degree in engineering and computer science.  His GPA was 4.2 – an A+ average.

He had a strong work ethic.  Throughout his teen and college years, he worked at McDonald's.

So Jeff's parents bet on their son. Sure, they would no doubt be cranky if they lost their $245,573 investment.  They were not rich.  But they thought the upside would be spectacular if Jeff's plan worked. 

They took a calculated risk – a bet that made sense. They worked with Jeff in the early days of Amazon fulfilling book orders at the kitchen table.

This $245,573 investment in Amazon by Jeff's parents in 1995 is worth about $30 billion today.

Be an odds calculator in every area of your life.  Get in the habit of analyzing opportunities and situations – calculating risk and potential reward.

While most people were sitting on their sofas watching TV in 1995, Jeff Bezos and his parents were fulfilling Amazon book orders at their kitchen table.

Time is your most valuable resource because time is finite.  You will never get more time. Instead of watching Netflix, what could you be doing that will yield a far greater return for your time?

What could you be doing to increase your odds of success?

Could you be learning a new marketable skill?  Could you be mapping out a plan for a new business?  Could you be building a website or starting a channel on YouTube?  Could you be getting some business cards printed and freshening up your resume?

When in doubt about what I should be doing right now, I sit and write.  I create content to market. Almost anything is better than just sitting on the sofa watching Netflix.

When I first went out on my own, I quickly found that it was much easier to sell part of my time than all of my time. 

Once I had a few clients, it was no big disaster if I lost one.  I never had any problem finding clients.

The trick was to pick the right clients and discard the losers – the ones who want to suck up all your time and not pay.

When a company hires an employee, they have a big decision to make.  A full-time employee comes with enormous costs.  There's not only the cost of the salary.  There's also the cost of the employer half of the FICA tax, federal unemployment insurance tax, state unemployment insurance tax, health insurance, office and overhead, and legal liability.

Tack on about 35 percent to an employee's salary to figure the true cost of an employee to an employer.

So businesses much prefer to hire freelancers and outside contractors if they can do the job and are reliable.

If you have any kind of "get-up-and-go" attitude, you'll make far more money if you're in business for yourself.  You'll have more job security and many sources of income from your stable of clients and customers.  If you are good at what you do and treat your customers well, you'll have a great life.

So what appears riskier is actually much less risky and far more lucrative so long as you have a marketable skill, have some business sense, are well organized, and are decent at sales.

How to Negotiate Your Compensation

This is one of the most important skills to master.  It's also maybe the easiest.  But very few people have any clue how to negotiate their compensation.

Your mastery of this skill, or lack thereof, will largely determine how much money you will make.

When someone is considering paying you for something, what are they concerned about?

They wonder a) Are they getting ripped off? And b) Will they get value for their money?

This is the calculation everyone makes before they part with their money.

I'm in the business of making money for companies and organizations with my direct mail and direct marketing campaigns.

But what if the mailings, what if my ads don't bring in enough money to produce a good return on investment (ROI)? 

Postal mailings and ads are costly. They involve substantial outlays of money.

Some of the top direct mail marketing copywriters charge $25,000 and even $50,000 to write and create a direct mail package.

So that becomes a big-ticket item.

Then there's the production cost of the mailing. There are printing costs, assembling and insertion costs, postage costs, list rental costs.  A postal direct mail package can cost anywhere from 40 cents to $1 per letter or more to put in the mail, depending on what's in the package.

My mailings are often sent to one million people at a shot.  So that usually becomes a cost of $600,000 or more.

For that kind of investment, the mailing better work.

Of course, any new package is tested in smaller quantities of 50,000 letters or so before moving up to larger quantities.  But even at this test level, the initial cost outlay is substantial.

Most businesses and organizations, no matter how big, are going to think twice before paying the initial $25,000 to $50,000 package creation fee demanded by the top direct marketing copywriters and creative talent.

I have a better formula – one that wins me all the customers and clients I can handle.

I charge $2,500 to $5,000 for the initial copywriting fee plus another $1,500 to $2,500 if graphic art is also needed.  So my upfront fee is about one-tenth of what top copywriters charge for creating a direct mail package.

Then I charge a royalty on the number of letters the business or organization mails.

This royalty might be anywhere between two cents per letter to twenty cents per letter, depending on how many copies the business or organization is capable of mailing.

I try to figure out how I make at least $35,000 on the package if the mailing is reasonably successful.

But the upfront risk with me for the client is minimal.  If the package I create flops, they've only paid me $2,500 or $5,000 plus a fee for the graphic artist.  I really don't even want to get paid if my package flops.   But I need to get paid something for my time.

So it's low risk for the client.  I only win if the client wins.

I only make real money if the client makes real money.

Plus, I won't be in business long if my packages and ads keep flopping.

So I charge the $2,500 or $5,000 initial fee – which is cheap for a top-level advertising copywriter.  Then I make my money on the backend with the royalty.

This also puts the burden on me to assess what clients I take on.

Ninety percent of the time, I tell potential clients who request my services that I don't think I can help because I don't think what they are selling has mass-market appeal.

Frankly, if someone offered to pay me a $35,000 flat fee to write a new customer acquisition package, I would not take it.  I'm only interested in doing the work if there is a big upside when there's a success.

The royalty is the key to my cash-flow.  Once I create the package once, I just sit back and collect royalties on each copy mailed – often for years, without having to do any more work on it, except for occasional updates.

Contrast this to my speechwriting business in the mid-1980s to early 1990s

With that business, I would get paid to write a speech for a politician or a corporate executive. But I could only get paid once for the speech – a flat fee of $5,000 to $10,000 for a speech at that time.  And that was it.

To make more money, I had to write another speech.

When writing a direct mail package, I make the initial copywriting fee of $2,500 to $5,000.  But then I collect a royalty of a few pennies for each copy of the package mailed.  So I'm making money all the time from many different packages I create, often for years, without having to do more work.

It's passive income.  It just flows in automatically.  Ninety percent or more of my income is from royalties on the direct mail packages I write and create.

If you watch the show "Shark Tank," you will notice that Kevin O'Leary ("Mr. Wonderful") almost always asks for a royalty in addition to a percentage of the company when considering whether invest in the start-up that's making a pitch on the show.

Typically, the royalty O'Leary will ask for is 7-10% of gross sales revenue on the product offered – plus a percentage of ownership of the company.  Or sometimes he'll just ask for the royalty.

Think about what a 7-10 percent royalty on the price of a product is.

Depending on the type of business, a business is doing well if it's clearing a 20 percent profit margin over costs.

So with a 7-10 percent royalty, O'Leary is taking close to half the business in many cases.

Sometimes O'Leary only keeps the royalty in place until his initial investment is paid back.  Then he just gets a percentage of the business.  That makes sense.

This is important.

If negotiating compensation off a percentage of revenue instead of a royalty, I always negotiate a percentage of the gross revenue, not of the net profit.

That's because new customer-acquisition advertising almost always loses money out of the gate.  The profit comes later with repeat purchases from these customers.  Businesses lose money on a new customer's first purchase.  A business makes money on repeat purchases.

Same rule with investing in movie productions.  I would never invest in a movie because movie studios are notorious for burning through all the profit and more on the cost of production.

If you ever decide to invest in a movie production (and I don't recommend it), never negotiate a percentage of the net profit. Negotiate a percentage of the gross revenue generated by the movie.

Same principle when conducting all your negotiations.

Never accept a percentage of the net profit, unless you are a shareholder in the business.  If you are an outside contractor, negotiate a percentage of the gross generated by your efforts.  This is likely a small percentage of maybe 5-10 percent of the gross revenue, depending on the industry.

If you are conducting one-on-one sales in person, your commission might be 15-20 percent.

If you are conducting mass-market direct marketing campaigns, such as what I do, I'm looking for 10 percent of the gross revenue of whatever my direct marketing postal letters and ads generate.

This might work or might not work for my client.  It depends on what all the other costs of the campaign and operations are.  But that's not my problem.  I'm compensated either with a royalty or a percentage of the gross generated by my ad campaigns.

It's up to the client whether my ad campaigns are working or not.

Very important when you negotiate these kinds of contracts is that you have access to all records.I require passwords and access to all reports on the performance of my mailings and ad campaigns – complete transparency.

This is not only so I can make sure I am being paid the royalties I'm owed.  I also want to know if my ad campaigns are working or not, and which ads are working best.  I need this information so I can make adjustments in my ads and mailings to make them work better.

With every ad campaign, we conduct a lot of tests.  We test headlines, themes, offers, colors – every kind of test.  On digital, we test ads with video and without video.  We might test 20, 50 or 100 panels.  The only way I can serve the client is with access to the results so we can refine and improve the ad campaign.

The key to negotiating your compensation, if you want to get rich, is to tie your compensation to the value you produce.

But don't be too rigid on a percentage.  The percentage you ask for depends on the situation and the potential for upside.

You'd much rather have 0.1 percent of Microsoft than 100 percent of your business. So if Microsoft offered you 0.1 percent of Microsoft in exchange for 100 percent of your business, you would gladly take it.

But I see entrepreneurs on "Shark Tank" fighting with the sharks all the time over a few percent.  The entrepreneur is willing to give a shark 30 percent but not 35 percent, so loses the deal – not realizing the value of having a shark as an investor and partner in their enterprise.

The shark has all the connections to make their budding enterprise a quick success – to grow their enterprise many fold almost immediately.

But some of these entrepreneurs get hung up over 5 percent, so lose the deal – not because the shark really cares that much about the 5 percent, but because the shark perceives the entrepreneur as difficult to work with.

So when you are negotiating your compensation, sure, get the most you can.  But assess the situation.  Look at the negotiation also from the perspective of the other side of the table.  Make calculations not just from your own perspective but from the perspective of the person you are trying to do business with.

Assess the value you bring and the value of the business relationship you seek to enter.  You want to team up with winners, not losers.

You want to team up with people who bring more to the table than you do.  This means you will need to adjust your sights and often settle for a lower percentage.

One-tenth of one percent of Microsoft much better than 100 percent of whatever you have.

When in negotiation with someone big you want to be in business with, make it easy for them to say yes.

You don't want to be a chump.  You don't want to rip yourself off or shoot so low Kevin O'Leary won't respect you. 

But you definitely want to be in business with a Kevin O'Leary, Mark Cuban and people on that level, if at all possible . . . because one percent of whatever they have is a whole lot more than one percent of whatever you have. 

And they don't mind if you end up making a boatload of money if they make even more from your efforts because they are the ones providing the capital, the infrastructure, the system, their connections, and their expertise that allow you to leverage your efforts 1,000 times over what you could do on your own.

Remember, Kevin O'Leary, Mark Cuban and people on that level want you to make money.  They aren't idiots.  They want you motivated because that's how they make money.  They don't want you to feel ripped off.

But they don't want to be chumps either.

When negotiating your compensation, you need to settle on a definable metric for measuring performance.

It's much more obvious how to do this if you are an independent consultant, like me.

But you can probably do this even if you are an employee.

If you think you are a high-performing employee, instead of accepting a three percent raise each year, offer to decline the raise and propose a bonus system based on what you actually produce.

Try to negotiate getting your bonus paid quarterly rather than annually.

You'll have to be creative to come up with such a bonus system if you are not in sales.

Let's say you are in customer service.  You could tie your bonus to the number of customers you help and the number of four-star ratings you get for your customer service efforts.

It's difficult to get rich working for someone else. But it is possible, depending on your situation. It's definitely possible in sales, which is really working for yourself. You are paid by commission.  There are some very rich car salesmen out there.

But, for the most part, the best way to get rich is to work for yourself, not inside someone else's organization.

However, you gain experience and skills by working for someone else first. 

You can't just buy a McDonald's restaurant, for example.  McDonald's requires you to attend Hamburger University in Oakbrook, Illinois, first and to work in a McDonald's restaurant before you can buy into the franchise.  McDonald's wants to make sure you know what you are doing before you launch your own McDonald's restaurant because they don't want any failing franchise owners.

That would destroy McDonald's brand.

This is how you must approach any field you decide to enter.  Work for someone else first as an apprentice,  so you learn the ropes.  Don't worry about the pay at this point.  If you're entry level, you'll get paid dirt because you don't know anything to be of value yet. 

If you're getting paid anything to learn a business or your field of choice, that's awesome.

Later, you can launch off on your own. 

You can only command the big bucks after your skills, expertise and knowledge become valuable to those who have the money to pay you.

The Value of Your Time

From the minute you are born, the countdown to the end of your life here on Earth begins.

You don't know how much time you'll have.  If you live 80 years, this means you have a total of 42,048,000 minutes of life. 

Imagine if you had a watch on your wrist that instead of telling you what time it is, it told you how many more minutes of life you have.

Would you use your time differently?

That would probably freak most people out.

Our perspective on time also changes as we get older.  When we are kids, time seems to move very slowly.  A year seems like an enormous amount of time.   Summer vacations from school seemed to last forever.

But as we get older, time seems to speed up.  Years go by in the blink of an eye.  Your kids grow up in no time. Ten years ago seems like last week.  Then you're a grandparent.  Then life is over.  It's all so quick.

Time is like sand in an hourglass.  At first, the sand moves slowly from the top to the bottom part of the hourglass – a few grains at a time.  But then it speeds up and all rushes out quickly at the end.

Imagine if you had an hourglass of sand on your kitchen table that represented how much time you have left in your life.  So instead of an hourglass, it's a lifeglass.  Every day, you could watch a bit more of your life drain out. 

Wouldn't this give you a very different perspective on the value of your time?

This can certainly be a very bleak way to look at life.  And it is bleak if you don't believe in an afterlife.

One plausible question I've heard asked is: Why work so hard to succeed in life if we're all going to end up in the same spot in a relatively short period of time – either six-feet underground, or as dust in the wind?

Instead of working so hard, why not just relax and have fun?

It's not a terrible question.  Many people do live this way.  They do the minimum to survive and they party hard.

It's fine if you want to live this way.  Just understand you will pay the price.

Most likely, you will shorten your life – probably significantly.  Your health will start to deteriorate in your 30s or 40s instead of in your 70s, 80s or later.

You'll have no money to do the things most people want to do – such as have a family, travel the world, go to nice restaurants, live in a nice place, have great lifelong relationships with family and friends. 

As Wanda used to tell her sons: "No money, no honey."

You will have no financial security.  People who live paycheck to paycheck live in a constant state of fear because they know they can easily end up homeless.

I choose not to live that way.

I figure, God has given us this short bit of time here on Earth for a reason.

Perhaps He's just interested to see how we'll use our time.  Will we waste this gift He's given us?

Perhaps it's a kind of test.  Will we be kind to people?  Will we live honorably?

I see life as a journey God has put me on.  Elon Musk believes we are living in a simulation – a giant video game.  Fine.  That's basically the same idea.

I choose to see life as like a game – a game with a clock.  Whoever scores the most points wins.  But it's not a competition with others.  It's a competition with yourself.

You choose the game you want to play.  You choose the scoring system that's most fulfilling for you.  Life is largely about the pursuit of happiness – so long as you're not hurting anyone else.

For some, the scoring system is how much money you can ethically accumulate. 

That's too one-dimensional for me.

For others, experiences and relationships are more important; or artistic creations are more important. 

For me, it's a combination of these things.  I would say #1 for me is experiences. But money is required to have many of the experiences I want – such as a nice place to live and the resources to travel around the world. 

I'd also want to create a legacy of knowledge for future generations and make a contribution to making the world a better place.

So my way of looking at life is God has launched us off on a journey – a journey called Life.  This journey is a kind of game.  We choose the scoring system for this game.  Our main opponent is us.

For me, this is not bleak at all.  It's fun.

I'm age 65 as I write these words.  I've never been happier in my life.  I feel pretty fulfilled.

By the time you graduate from college, assume you are finished with the first quarter of this game called Life.  The last quarter of life should be something that looks something like retirement.

At least, you should not be stressed out about finances by the time you are 60.

This leaves you about 40 years to be productive – to really build something: a career or a business, plus likely a family.

For many, family is the most important goal in life.  Most of us are biologically programmed to want a family because this is how our species is perpetuated. 

Family is fulfilling, brings happiness, helps give us purpose in life.

But a family is expensive.  You'll need a bigger house for your family.  Each baby you bring into the world will cost you about $300,000 by the time your child hits age 17.  Then college costs kick in. Figure $130,000 for a state college degree or $260,000 for a degree from a prestigious private college.

So just figure it will cost you about $500,000 for each child you add to your family.

But family also adds meaning to our lives.  We don't just want to live for ourselves.  So most people want families.

Now think about how much time you have in a day to really be productive so you can pay for the life you want.

First, consider how much of your day must be devoted to the basic needs of life before you can even do anything productive:

Sleep: 8 hours

Personal hygiene: 30 minutes (shower, brush teeth, shave, etc)

Meals: 90 minutes

Fitness: 90 minutes (getting to the gym, exercise, yoga)

Chores: 60 minutes (grocery shopping, laundry, vacuum, dishes, pay bills)

Restroom: 30 minutes

So 13 hours of your day is gone just with tending to your most basic physical needs of life. Then add . . .

Work: 8 hours (because everyone needs money to live)

Travel back and forth from work: 90 minutes.

That's 22.5 hours out of 24 hours.  This is if you are more efficient with your time than most. You haven't even yet allocated time for personal relationships, hobbies, and fun.  Next add babies, kids and building a family into the mix.

You must also tend to your marriage. So you'll want to block out time for walks, vacations, and experiences with your spouse.

This doesn't allow you much time to build anything substantial – such as a career, a business, or a skyscraper, much less colonize Mars.

If you start seeing time this way, you will likely spend less time watching TV, playing video games, on social media, or just wasting time.  You can never get back your time. 

But are there ways to use your time more productively and with more impact – to get more out of each minute of time you have here on Earth?

How to Escape the "Time Equals Money" Trap

You certainly must keep a schedule and manage your time because time is your most valuable commodity. 

The most successful people I know schedule their time in 15-minute blocks.

But what you need to avoid thinking is that your time is worth a certain amount of money.

You must avoid thinking: "My time is worth $50 per hour or $100 per hour or $500 per hour."

One of the best-known time management experts out there is a man named Brian Tracy.

Much of what Tracy says is good advice.  But one point I take issue with is his contention that we should think of each hour of our time as worth a certain amount of money.

Tracy says that if you want to make more money you must first start thinking your time is worth more.  So if you’ve been making $50 per hour, he says, start thinking your time is worth $75 per hour.  And then look for work that pays $75 per hour.

I call this "Time Equals Money Trap."

The motivation behind this "Time Equals Money" concept is not terrible.  This is certainly better than having no plan and no goals.   If we start thinking our time equals money, we’ll probably get off our butts and spend less time watching Netflix. 

So that would be a big improvement for 80 percent of Americans.

But thinking of your time this way, at best, will only provide a marginal increase in your income.

It’s not going to produce an exponential increase in your income.

It's not going to create any kind of multiplier effect . . . or what I call "Pin Action."

You get strikes in bowling by hitting that front pin at just the right angle so all pins fall . . because of the "Pin Action" you created by knocking one pin down correctly.

This is what you want to be doing with every action in your life – creating positive "Pin Action" everywhere simply by making one correct decision and then following through with one task for the time block you've allotted for the task.

When I'm putting my schedule together for the day and the week, for each block of time, I'm thinking: "What activity will deliver the most impact toward achieving my goal?  And what strategy is likely to have the biggest multiplier effect – or Pin Action?"

The paradigm I want to share with you here does not aim to incrementally increase the value of your time.   It aims to increase the value of one hour of your time exponentially – by 100 times or 1,000 times or more.

In other words, instead of making $50 per hour, make $5,000 per hour . . . or even $10,000 per hour, or more.

You can do this not by asking how much your time is worth, but instead by asking yourself: "How much value can I create with this limited block of time?"

Let’s say your employer is paying you $50 per hour, which is $104,000 per year.

That’s not bad for a salaried employee.  That probably puts you in middle management.

Now suppose you went to the owner of the company with an idea for a product that would save the company $1,000,000 a year or that would generate another $1,000,000 a year in profit.

Do you think the company owner would be willing to pay you $10,000 or perhaps $100,000 . . . or a whole lot more for your invention or your idea or your new method for doing business?

The owner of the company you work for would not bat an eye to pay you that kind of money if she were convinced your new idea, or method, invention, or product was really worth that to the company.

Your company could not wait to write you a check before you sold your idea to a competitor.

You don't need to be in business for yourself to start thinking this way. You can start thinking this way even as an employee of a company.

Stop thinking: “What is my time worth?”   Stop thinking: "I sure hope I get that three percent raise this year."

Instead, start thinking: “What is my contribution worth to the company?”  “How much value, how much profit am I bringing in?”

I know a commissioned salesperson, a friend of mine, who sold a $100,000,000 product to the U.S. government.  His commission was one percent.  

So his commission was $1,000,000.

How long did it take him to sell this product to the government?  I have no idea.  Maybe a couple of years – while he was also working on many other projects and also getting paid for those.

He is paid on commission.  What he does is share in the profits of the company – profits produced by his efforts. 

He is selling very high-ticket items – IT and database management systems mostly to the government and to very large corporations.  It does not take him many $10,000,000 and $100,000,000 sales to make what a salaried upper-middle management person makes in a lifetime.

In his case, it’s all about how he gets paid.  He’s not paid based on his time.  He’s paid based on the value he provides to the company he works for.

So the first step toward making $10,000 per hour or $100,000 per hour is to stop thinking “How much is my time is worth?” and start thinking “How much value am I creating?”

When you buy a computer or a software package, you are not thinking: “How much did I just pay Michael Dell, Tim Cook or Bill Gates or Larry Ellison?”

No.  You are thinking: “Will this software or this computer do what I need it to do?”

If you buy a novel – say, a novel by Stephen King – are you ticked-off about the money that Stephen King is making off you? Maybe he’s just made $1 or $2 from you.

Are you thinking “This is a rip-off?”

And are you worried that Stephen King is selling the same book to a million other people; that he’s also selling the movie rights; and that he’ll probably make more money off you when you see the movie?

Are you the least bit concerned about that? 

Of course not.  You’re happy to pay the money because Stephen King is providing you many hours of enjoyment, entertainment and excitement for a bargain price. 

How much is Stephen King’s time worth? 

How much is Jeff Bezos' or Elon Musk's time worth?

How much is Lebron James' time worth? 

The Los Angeles Lakers seem to think a lot.  They pay him $39 million per year.

Is LeBron worth this money?

Of course he is, or the Lakers would not pay him the money.  He helps put fans in the seats by helping the Lakers win games.  LeBron makes another $50 Million per year from Nike and other endorsements?

Is he worth this money?

Of course he is.  Nike's done the math on it.  Nike knows when they buy ads that feature LeBron, sales go up.  Nike has no doubt tested ads that feature LeBron against ads that feature someone else.

The ads featuring LeBron no doubt perform far better, probably exponentially better than other ads. People figure that if LeBron is using Nike sneakers, they must be good sneakers.

So, in terms of generating wealth and serious income, I almost can’t think of worse advice than the “time equals money” paradigm.

That’s the kind of thinking the leads to a lifetime of slavery.

Instead, start thinking about the value you can create.

If you are able to produce a product or service that people want, why should you turn all that profit over to someone else in exchange for the supposed security of a job or of an hourly fee?

At a minimum, you should share in the profit of what you create.  If your idea makes a million dollars for a company, you should be compensated based on that, not on how much time you spent to develop the idea. 

Now, in fairness to Brian Tracy and the time-management experts, what they would come back with is to organize my time in such a way that I do the $200 per hour work and offload the $100-per hour work and $50-per-hour work to other people.

I spend my time working on the higher-pay work that requires specialized knowledge and offload all the other jobs that need doing to others.

Fair enough.  And if you are a great manager and you want a lot of employees to manage, you can certainly make a lot of money operating this way.

This is how big law firms are organized.  Most legal work at big law firms is done by junior lawyers.  The firm pays the junior lawyer $50 per hour or $75 per hour and charges $150 or $250 per hour for the junior lawyer's time; and then makes the junior lawyer work 80-hour weeks.

The partners of the law firm then charge anywhere from $300 to $1,000 per hour for their time.

So that's a perfectly valid business model.  Lawyers can get plenty rich this way. 

But the problem with that system is you are still trapped in the mindset that your time is worth X dollars per hour.  You’re still in the “time equals money” trap.

What is $50-per hour work anyway?  What is $200 per hour work?  Who decides what my time is worth?

How do you get off the treadmill of selling your time . . . or other people’s time?

Most lawyers are physically very unhealthy people . . . I think because they know a trip to the gym is costing them $2,000 in lost billings.

Here's what I do.

Once I find that something I’m doing is bringing in a little money, my next question is: "How can I quickly multiply this effort 1,000-fold or a million-fold?"

Stephen King only makes a buck or two from you if you buy one of his books.  But this is multiplied millions of times.  That’s how fortunes are made.

He also has a production, distribution, advertising and PR machine behind him (a big publisher) that enables him to multiply his efforts and make a little money from each sale.

That’s essentially what I do.

What I do is use scientific marketing methods to find out what people need or want . . . to find out what people are willing to pay for. “Scientific Advertising” is the term used by the great Claude Hopkins, the father of modern advertising.  He essentially invented direct marketing and modern advertising about a century ago.

I simply use well-established direct marketing methods and apply them to today.

I write direct mail packages and get paid by the number of packages or letters that mail. Or I get paid by the number of impressions or clicks generated by my digital ads.

Or I get paid a percentage (perhaps 10 percent) of the gross revenue generated by my ad campaigns.

Some of my direct mail packages have mailed more than 50 million copies – packages where I was making 3 cents apiece.

So that's $1.5 million in royalties for me for writing one direct mail package.

How long did it take for me to write and design that package?

About a week.  So that week I made $1.5 million paid out over time.

Not a bad system.  Produce it once and sell many copies.

A friend of mine did something even better. 

He designed an envelope that looked like an Express Delivery envelope – kind of like a FedEx envelope.  It was made out of heavy cardboard stock and even had the clear plastic outer pocket where the form went in – just like the FedEx letter package.

FedEx packages are no longer designed quite like this.  But they were back then.

He then went around and sold this product to direct mail advertising agencies.

What was in it for the direct mail agencies?

Well, the FedExish knock-off package was ready to go.  It looked great – like it really might be a competitor to FedEx.

The agencies did not have to spend time and effort creating their own packaging.

They could buy his product cheap because he was producing millions of copies.  And he would make a few pennies off each copy of this outer envelope he would sell – this FedExish-looking carrier.

He made millions of dollars off this idea – selling many copies of one thing.

When you think about it – there was not really a whole lot to this idea.

He did not even need to write the entire direct mail package. All he did was design this really cool envelope that looked kind of like a competitor to FedEx. 

This envelope lifted results enough for the agencies that tested and used the envelope that they were happy to keep buying it.

What he was selling was convenience plus improved results.

So he sold tens of millions of copies of this FedExish envelope over the years.  

How long did it take him to create this envelope?

Maybe a week.  Perhaps a bit more if you add the time he spent going back and forth with the graphic artist, figuring out how much it would cost to produce the envelope in large quantities, and then doing a little math on how much to mark up the product – not too high to cause the agencies to just go off and make their own version.

He just marked up the envelope a few pennies.

He also had to set up meetings with agencies to sell his FedExish-looking envelope.

So that took some time.

This was the envelope that actually ended up building his company – a direct marketing company that generated hundreds of millions of dollars in sales every year.  He sold this company some years later for about $100 million.

Of course, he knew quite a bit about direct marketing.  He knew that if he spent a little extra time to create this special FedExish envelope that it would certainly improve the results of any mailing.

So he had knowledge.  This is yet another example of how just a little bit of knowledge (if it's the right knowledge) can lead to enormous wealth.  All you need is the right piece of information.

This fellow understood the power of having the right envelope for getting a direct mail marketing package opened – which is the first battle you must win with the receiver of your mailing.

That’s what one simple idea and a bit of marketing knowledge can do for you. 

Find something that works, that generates a little money, and then just duplicate it.  “Roll it out,” as they say in the direct marketing industry.

The richest people are usually not those who do lots of things. The richest people are those who find one thing that works, and then just repeat the process over and over again.

A very wealthy person I know sells bolts.  That’s all he does.  He sells a particular kind of bolt – specialized bolts that need to hold a lot of weight; bolts for bridges and big structures.

That’s what he does.  

The profit margin on these big, very heavy bolts is high.  So he’s made a fortune doing that.  He does not even make these bolts, just brokers them.  And he sells them over and over again.
His specialized knowledge is he knows where to get specialized bolts.

Again, the key is to figure out what works and what’s duplicable – what’s repeatable – so when you find something that's working, you just repeat.  You "copy and paste."  You just roll it out.

That’s how fortunes are made.

And it does not have to be something highly sophisticated like software.  You don’t have to do what Bill Gates did with Microsoft.  You don't have to colonize Mars and reinvent transportation like Elon.

Just find a fairly simple thing to do. 

Billions of dollars are made every year by envelope companies that do nothing but make and sell envelopes – envelopes that might only produce a penny each in profit for the company . . .  or less. 

How many envelopes are used every day in America or in the world?

Do I make $10,000 for every hour I work?

Absolutely not.  I'm spending a lot of time writing this book.

Maybe it will sell a lot of copies.  Maybe it won't.   I believe it will create some "Pin Action" and cause good things to happen.

My reason for writing this book is not so much to make money, but to share my principles for "How to Win Life" with my kids, grandkids, and people I care about, plus anyone else who's interested in these ideas.

I could make more money by writing another direct mail package or by putting together another ad campaign.

But there are other reasons to undertake big projects. 

Is Elon colonizing Mars because he's trying to make money at it? 

No.  He's doing that because he wants to – because his goal is to transform humans into an interplanetary species.

So there are many reasons to undertake big projects other than to make a lot of money.

If I make some money from this book, that will be a bonus.  I think some great "pin action" could flow from writing this book.  It could have a multiplier effect – allow me to achieve a number of goals with one project.

Now, I don't want to dunk too hard on Brian Tracy and his “time is money” model.

There is actually nothing wrong with setting up a business that sells and resells people’s time.  That’s what law firms do.

That’s how law firms work. That’s how PR firms work.  That’s how most service companies work.

They pay the employee and then resell the employee’s time.

But the value of a company that’s run this way is not time.  The value is the system you’ve built that allows you to do that.  A law firm, a PR firm, a service company that is built this way is usually built one employee at a time.

As the work comes in, another employee is hired to handle the work.  After a while the company grows into a big company if it’s a well-run, well-managed company.

There’s nothing wrong with building a business this way.  It can be a great model to follow if you like to manage people.  But the owners of the service firm are not being paid by the hour.  They are not being paid for their time.

They are getting rich because they have set up a system – a machine – that allows them to sell and resell people’s time.  They are able to repeat that process over and over again.

The key to building a business this way is to be good at training people – what McDonald's does.  They train their franchise owners in how to perform repeatable processes.

This is called "scaling up" a business.

The goal is to build a business that is "scalable."

So instead of thinking how much your time is worth, think instead of how to create value – how to create or design a product or a system or a method that can be repeated over and over again . . . because you don’t really have a business until you can do that.  All you have is a job unless you have a system that you can repeat and a machine that can essentially run itself without you even being there.

You don’t want a job.  You want to build a system, a machine that generates income for you while you are on vacation and while you are sleeping and while you are playing golf.

There are all kinds of ways to do this.  This is the foundational principle of all successful business – setting up a process that can be repeated and duplicated over and over again.

This might sound daunting.

Perhaps you are thinking: “I’ve got bills to pay this week, this month.  I have a mortgage to pay.  I need my $50 per hour job. I have kids to feed.  I can’t afford to invest the time in building a machine or developing a product that might pay off in six months or in a year.”

That’s certainly a fair point.  Don't quit your job until you have an income platform to jump onto. 

Remember, your three most valuable assets in life are . . .

1) Your time . . . because it's finite.

2) Your health . . . because your health is related to how much time you will have, how productive you can be, and the level of pain vs comfort you will have in life.  You can't work if you are in pain all the time.

3) Cash Flow.

Your job might be providing essential cash flow. You might need to keep your job – at least for a while.  The point here is to reframe how you think about your time – to stop thinking of how to get paid a little more per hour or a little more for your time.

Invest a portion of your time in creating an asset that will throw off money for a lifetime – by an asset I mean a business.  By a business, I mean a repeatable process that can eventually run by itself.

If you are working for someone else, negotiate a commission or bonus structure that allows you to be paid based on the value you create for the company. 

Don’t just settle for getting paid your flat rate salary.  There’s no future in that, no potential for exponential upside.

If you are an entrepreneur in business for yourself, you’ll need to start out by doing all the work yourself.  Maybe you will charge by the hour.  Nothing wrong with that.

But just don’t fall into the mindset that you are being paid for your time.  Because then all you really have is a job.  It’s a job working for yourself.  That's much better than working at a company for someone else where your entire income can be cut off at any time.

But you still just have a job if you think that you are being paid for your time instead of getting paid for building a business.

So when you first launch your business, you will probably be paid by the hour or by the project.  But if you are good at what you do, more business will come in. 

You will then need to hire people to handle the extra work.  You will need to invest time training your new people.

Entrepreneurs fall into the trap of wanting to do everything themselves.  Entrepreneurs are usually not good at delegating.

As an entrepreneur, you should make a point of investing a

portion of your time to:

1) Delegate responsibilities to others.

2) Automate your business.

Most of your selling can be done with machines and systems.  

To build an asset, to build a machine that throws off income automatically, without you being there, is your ultimate goal in business.  It’s what makes owning a business different from having a job.  It's also what makes your business valuable if you want to sell it at some point.

You must make a point to devote a portion of your time to build your income-generating machine. 

Now, you might be thinking: “I don’t have time for that.  I’m buried in paperwork.  The phone is buzzing all the time.  There always seems to be an emergency or some fire that has to be put out."

My answer to that is yes, these things happen all the time.  So hire someone to buy your groceries and pick up your dry cleaning.  Are these activities really good uses of your time? 

Hire someone to answer the phones, to keep your appointment calendar, to do your filing, your bookkeeping and the clerical work so you can focus on the money-making side of your business.

If you can’t yet afford to hire someone full-time, perhaps you can hire someone part-time to help you with your bookkeeping and all the clerical functions that must be done in any business.  Maybe you can hire someone to help clean your house and shop for your groceries. This will free you to focus more on your business.

That’s how to leverage someone else’s time to do the time-consuming chores that are interfering with the time you must spend building your business.

Then eventually maybe you can hire a full-time employee to do all the clerical chores that must be done.  Or maybe you should bring in a partner – someone who is especially skilled in an area you’re not good at.

That’s a big part of how Bill Gates built Microsoft.

Bill Gates had partners.  His first partner was Paul Allen.  Then he brought in more partners.  He gave them a share of the business.

Bill Gates said that he did not really have a business plan when he started out except that he decided to find the smartest people he knew and to invite them to join with him. 

He thought if he brought in the smartest, most competent people he could find and gave them a share of the business, the business would mostly take care of itself.

That plan certainly worked well for Bill Gates.

So if you can’t afford to hire employees who have the skills and expertise you need to grow your business, bringing in a partner is something you should consider.

Maybe the role of your partner will be to build the system side of your business – the automated side, the process side . . . while you focus on your clients and doing the current work that needs doing.

The long-term value of your business will be the systems and processes that are set up that allow you ultimately to double and triple your business.

Your ultimate goal is to build a business that essentially runs itself, without you even being present.  The sales are just made and the jobs just get done because you have fantastic employees who are all great at their jobs, who are well trained, and who know exactly how to do their jobs. 

So start putting responsibilities on someone else’s shoulders.  Make someone else responsible for doing a job from start to finish.  See if that person can do it.  If she can, then that’s one part of the business you won’t have to worry much about.

There are a number of ways you can shift jobs and responsibilities to others.

You can bring in a partner.  You can hire employees.  You can contract out jobs to outside companies, consultants and freelancers.

I like to contract out as much as I can.  I prefer to have a few key employees, a few super-capable people  . . . and to contract out as much as I possibly can.  I'll often bring in partners just for certain projects.  I don't want to be partners with this person for life, for everything I'm doing. 

But it often makes sense to partner with someone or a company on just one project.  If it works out, then maybe partner with that person or company on another project.

This is my preferred method of operation.

How to Know if You Have a Winning Product or Idea

All of us have lots of ideas for products and services.  We think our ideas are great.

But the truth is most of our ideas are not that great and have been thought of before.

A friend of mine thought he had this awesome idea for exercise equipment.

He got the prototype made.  Showed it to his friends.  They all told him "Great idea."

Never test your new idea with friends and family.  They will all tell you your idea is fantastic, just to be encouraging.  

He then spent about $150,000 to have 7,500 units manufactured.

He then wasn't able to sell them outside his circle of friends.  There were already similar contraptions on the market being sold by the big fitness equipment companies.

So he was stuck with a storage room full of this piece of equipment he couldn't sell.

Far better to create a few units of your product and test market it.

Your per unit cost will be much higher.  So you will lose money on each unit you sell initially.  But you will find out if there's a market for your product.  This is called market testing. 

You are paying for information.

So instead of paying $150,000 for inventory you can't sell, you can maybe spend $20,000 to see if there's a market for your product or idea.

If the product doesn't sell, you've saved yourself $130,000.

"Test" is the most important word in marketing and business.

When McDonald's is considering adding an item to its menu, it tests the product first in a few local markets. 

One way to know if your product or idea will be successful is if people show interest in the bad early version of it.

The first time I remember someone bringing a mobile phone to a business meeting was in the late 1980s.

It was made by Motorola and weighed about two pounds.  It was about the size of a shoebox.  The battery lasted about 20 minutes, then had to be recharged for eight hours or so if you wanted to use the phone again.

There were very few places where this phone would actually work because there were so few cell towers.

But everyone was fascinated with this device. They wanted to hold it, look at it.  We wanted to hear what an incoming phone call sounded like.

That's how you know you have a winning product – when people take some physical action in response to seeing it.  They get up out of their seats.  They come over to look at it.  They pick it up and fiddle with it.  They try to use it.

The same response happened when people saw the Internet in action for the first time.

I knew the instant I saw the Internet work that I wanted to get on the thing.

In 1989, I saw a friend of mine online using something called Prodigy to book his travel.  He was connected to it with his landline phone.  He showed us something called "email."

Everyone was standing around watching him on his desktop computer send and receive email and check the news.  It was connected to a phone jack.

We all wanted to get connected to this thing called the Internet.

It was obvious the Internet was going to be a major development because everyone wanted to be on the bad version of it.

Same with automobiles.  Once people saw the horseless buggy chugging along at 10 mph in the late 1800s, everyone wanted one.  The first car mass-produced was the Model-T in 1908 by Henry Ford.

Apple's first version of the iPhone wasn't much good compared to the phones we have now.

But it was much better than everything else on the market at the time.  You could watch videos on it and listen to music.

It wasn't just a phone or a way to read email and text messages.  It was a media device in your pocket.

Everyone wanted one.

You know you have a winning product or idea if people take some physical action in response to seeing the bad early version of it.  This is another reason why you don't want to make the perfect the enemy of the good.

If you think you have a great product idea, create a primitive version of it and see if people respond.

If people respond by taking some action to see it, to play with it, you know you have something.

Then if people actually pull out their wallets and credit cards to buy it, you know you have a winner. 

You then improve it in response to market feedback.

Don't invest a lot of time and money in a new product until you've tried to sell bad early versions of it.

Deeply Understand the "80-20 Rule"

Most businesses observe that 80 percent of their revenue comes from 20 percent of their customers. 

Of course, this distribution is approximate.  But I've found it pretty on target in almost every area of life.

If you were to keep a log of all your activities during your workday, you will find that 20 percent of your activities are actually productive.  Eighty percent of your activities have very little impact on your bottom line.The 80-20 rule is also called the Pareto Principle – named after the 19th century Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto.   Or sometimes called the Pareto Distribution.

Pareto observed that 20 percent of causes produce about 80 percent of the significant consequences.  This applies to all of nature.  In a garden, you will find that 80 percent of tomatoes are produced by 20 percent of the tomato plants.  Twenty percent of the population has 80 percent of the wealth.  A 1992 study by the United Nations found that 82.7 percent of the world's income is generated by 20 percent of the world's population.

This distribution also applies to taxation. Twenty percent of taxpayers in the U.S. pay about 80 percent of the taxes.

If you run a business or any large organization, you will observe that 80 percent of the most productive work is being done by 20 percent of your workers.

But if you were really to examine everything you are doing closely, it's quite likely you will find the 80-20 Rule is actually more like the 90-10 Rule.  That is, in reality ten percent of your activities are actually producing anything meaningful.

Most likely, 90 percent of your time is being squandered on unproductive activity.  This is why it's so important to set priorities that you want to accomplish each day – productive projects that you want to complete and keep on schedule. Otherwise, you'll find yourself distracted by Facebook, checking email, surfing the web, and chit-chatting on the phone with no real purpose.

This also applies to how you prioritize your customers and clients.

Most businesses make the mistake of treating all customers the same.  Or even worse, they spend most of their efforts trying to please the bottom third of customers who really won't produce much for your business in terms of income – ever.  These are the complainers and people causing most of your problems.  But they are generating very little, if any income.

Generally, your easiest customers are your most profitable.  They are the ones generating 80 percent of your sales. They don't complain because they love your product or service.  They love you.  And they have money to spend.

But we tend to ignore this top 20 percent group because they aren't causing problems.  The money just flows in from them.

But the truth is your top 20 percent of customers could be generating 90 or 95 percent of your income with some extra attention and care.

This doesn't mean you ignore the bottom 80 percent of your customers.

You need to bring in many customers in order to find the best 20 percent or top 10 percent who will produce almost all your money.  This is called your marketing funnel.

What any good marketing system is designed to do is first bring in lots of leads.  The initial leads will often come in by signing up for your free offer.

They will sign up on your Website to get the free ebook, white paper, or report you are offering.  This is how you build your email list of prospects or leads.  Or they come to a free seminar you are holding.  Or they are part of your podcast audience.

These people have raised their hand and told you they are interested in what you have to say or the product you are selling.  But they haven't actually bought anything yet.

Among these people, 10-20 percent might actually buy something.  Most of these folks will buy your low-end product first to test you out.

Eighty-to-ninety percent of them will continue to be low-end customers or fall away and become former buyers.

The fact that they drop off is not necessarily your fault or the fault of your product or service.

That's just life.  You lose money on your one-time buyers because of your marketing cost (advertising plus your time) to find them.

But 10-20 percent of your initial buyers will end up producing almost all your profit.  You make money from your repeat buyers.

These are the folks you must focus on.  The 80-20 rule actually applies to every level of your customer pyramid.

That is, 20 percent of your mid-level buyers will produce 80 percent of your income from that group.  Twenty percent of your high-end buyers (people who have money) will produce 80 percent of your income from that group.  Among your top one percent of best customers, you will have 20 percent who will produce 80 percent of your income from that group.

American Express has built an enormous business on this principle.

What American Express is selling primarily is "exclusivity."

It's considered more prestigious to pull out an American Express card to pay for dinner than to pull out a Visa, Mastercard, or Discover card because it's more difficult to qualify to have an American Express card.

There are benefits and perks attached with holding American Express card.  But the main benefit is a feeling of exclusivity.  That's what American Express is selling.

For that, you have the privilege of paying American Express a stiff annual membership fee.  You must also pay your credit card bill in its entirety each month.

The entry level American Express card is the green card.  The annual membership fee is $150.  American Express makes its money primarily from the merchants who accept the card.

The annual membership fee for the gold card is $250; for the next level up Platinum card it's $550.  For the highest-level AmEx card, called the Centurian card or "black" card, the initial fee is $7,500 followed by a $5,000 annual fee.

I've talked with people who have the "black card," asked them what the benefits are.  Most of them say they don't know.  In truth, the benefits of the "black" card aren't much more than for the Platinum card.

People get it for the prestige.

An offer of prestige and exclusivity is always one of the most powerful marketing offers. People want to feel they are part of something exclusive and prestigious.  This is why people join exclusive country clubs for a $100,000 or $250,000 initiation fee, followed by $5,000 monthly membership dues, followed by paying exorbitant prices for whatever you might buy at the club.

You can play on some of the greatest golf courses in the world for a perfectly reasonable one-time fee for your round. But that wouldn't be as exclusive or prestigious.

There are people, representing perhaps the top 0.5 percent of the population, who just want the best and to pay the maximum.  When shopping, their first questions are: What's the best?  What's the top of the line?" 

They want to know: "What's the maximum I can pay?"

These are the customers you want to identify and cater to.

This doesn't mean ignore everyone else.  It's among your initial AmEx Green card holders where you will find your future Gold, Platinum, and Black card members.

I used to be a Platinum card holder, was offered to become a Black Card member.

I'm now a green holder.  I just didn't see the benefits of Platinum being worth $550 per year.

I saw no difference.  If the benefits are there, I'm not seeing them with Platinum.  I certainly wasn't using them, and I did not care about prestige or exclusivity.

I'm a professional marketer.  I make a living in part by selling prestige and exclusivity.  So I know exactly what American Express is doing.

They built their enormous business purely by using the 80-20 rule that over time became the 90-10 rule, then the 99-1 rule.  American Express is a $120 BILLION company built on this rule.

A good friend of mine named Joe Polish started off as a dead broke carpet cleaner.

He had $1,800 still left on his credit card before his card was maxed out.

He had heard that direct mail is good way to market carpet cleaning services.

So he rolled the dice and decided to use the last $1,800 he could spend with his credit card to pay a professional direct mail copywriter to write and create a direct mail promotional package for his carpet cleaning service, which they mailed out.

Business poured in.  Suddenly Joe had a very successful carpet cleaning business.   Other carpet cleaners were interested to find out what Joe was doing that made him so successful.

So Joe started holding marketing seminars for carpet cleaners to teach them how he was doing it.  He used primarily direct mail marketing to sell his seminars to carpet cleaners – showing them how to use direct marketing methods to build their businesses.

It wasn't long before he had 1,500 carpet cleaners paying $1,000 per year to attend his annual seminar, participate in his conference phone call seminars, podcasts and receive his monthly newsletter.

He then added similar marketing coaching programs aimed at all small business owners, not just carpet cleaners.

He sold out these seminars.

From the folks who paid $1,000 per year, he launched another program that cost $10,000 per year to join.

From that, he launched another that cost $25,000 per year.  One day he asked me: "Do you think people would pay $100,000 a year?"

I said: "I don't know. Try it."

His $100,000 per year program quickly sold out. 

Joe was tapping into the power of prestige and exclusivity with this offer.  He was also tapping into the "Birds of a Feather Flock Together" principle.

The reason people are willing to pay $100,000 to hear mostly the same concepts as the folks paying $1,000 is the people who can pay $100,000 want to be around other people who can pay $100,000.

They don't want to be in the crowd of people paying $1,000.

People pay $250,000 to join the country club mainly because they want to be around people who are capable of paying the $250,000 initial fee.

Now Joe's $100,000 club is not the same program as his $1,000 and $10,000 clubs.

He'll have billionaires at his $100,000 Club; and it will be a small group of 25 people instead of 2,000.

Someone like Richard Branson deliver brief remarks.  A few others might talk a bit about what's on their mind. But mostly what they do is sit around the table and talk.

These 25 people just would not be interested in attending a conference with 2,000 people for $1,000.

Joe tells me he's now launching a $250,000 club.  I'm sure it will sell out.

So the 80-20 rule can be observed in all areas of your work, your business and your life.  It just occurs naturally.

But with work, strategic planning, and over time the 80-20 rule can become the 90-10 rule and the 99-1 rule.

You want to focus your energy and brainpower on the few actions, the few customers that can deliver the most impact for the time spent. You don't want to be engaging in a lot of activity, a lot of action.

You'll end up just spinning your wheels.  You want to engage in highly targeted smart actions that are likely to deliver the highest return on time spent . . . and the most "pin action."

This can happen in all areas of your life that you want to improve.

Take your fitness regimen.

Let's say you carve out two hours in your daily schedule for working out.  As part of this 120 minutes, you have to put on your workout clothes and drive to the gym.

At the gym, you spend time waiting for someone to get off the bench press so you can use it.

Then if you really analyze it, perhaps 20 minutes of that two hours of time is actually spent delivering any fitness benefit to your body.

I don't do much distance training, such as the exercise bike or treadmill.   Those activities might require 45 minutes.

My form of training is mostly break dance practice, various types of push-ups, pull-ups, lunges and calisthenics, plus 30 minutes of yoga. 

My form of workout is more like CrossFit or circuit training.  It's short bursts of intense exercise.

Break dance practice is mostly made up of 17-second bursts.  I'll crank off 50 push-ups, practice walking on my hands, swing the 50 pound kettlebell 40 times, do 40 lunges with 50 pounds of weight – these kinds of activities.  Each activity consumes very little time.

When I really add up how much time these intense activities are taking, it totals maybe 15 minutes.

The rest of my fitness time is spent doing yoga, practicing my top rock (dance on feet), perhaps checking my email, the news, what's happening in the stock market, or checking Facebook.

I was finding that much of my two-hour gym workouts was wasted time.  My workouts were consuming too much of my day.

So what I decided to do was cancel our gym membership, buy the equipment Wanda and I wanted and do all our workouts at home.

I fit most of my workouts in the 15 minute breaks during my focus worktime in the morning.  I write and do focus work for 45 minutes followed by 10 or 15 minutes of exercise.

So while I write and do intense focus-time work, my body rests.  Then while I do intense fitness or yoga, my brain is resting and recharging for the next round of writing or focused brain work.

I no longer need to block out two hours in the afternoon for fitness.  My fitness regimen is just incorporated into my workday.  So I'm killing two birds with one stone.

I can now use the afternoons for other priorities – such as go to the beach with Wanda.

After 45 minutes of intense focused brain work, my brain needs to rest and recharge for 15 minutes.  I use that time for fitness and attending to the needs of life, such as visit the restroom or get some food.

I believe America's corporations would have much more productive work forces if they set up their businesses to encourage their workers to organize their days this way – especially those in cubicles and offices doing brain work,

During the Covid pandemic of 2020-21, 60 percent of America's workforce found themselves working from home anyway.  Meetings were held via Zoom and conference calls.  Many corporations found they were more productive and more profitable without people coming into the office, so continued to operate in that mode, with their employees working remotely.

Anyone working from home should be able to organize their day along the lines I've outlined here.

Wanda has a different approach to her fitness regimen.  She likes to spend 90 minutes walking briskly on a treadmill or riding an exercise bike while watching a movie.

So she's also killing two birds with one stone – exercising while also being entertained.

She'll do this in the morning while I'm working and doing my style of fitness program.

She's not interested in the CrossFit style of short bursts of intense exercise that I do.  She likes to stroll along at a moderate-to-brisk pace over a longer period on a treadmill or exercise bike.

She will then spend a bit of time on the rowing machine.  She will then grab some 10-pound weights and do some arm exercises, followed by yoga. Nothing intense.

She will develop a modest sweat, at most.

That works fine too. She looks great.  She's not interested in being a high-performance athlete – just wants to stay looking good.  You want to tailor your approach to your goals.  What's important is to have goals, and then a daily regimen for achieving your goals.

The 80-20 rule also applies to improving your marriage and all your relationships.

How much time does it take to grab a dozen roses for your wife or best girl when you're at the grocery store or Walgreens?

A happy wife means a happy life.  Five-seconds spent grabbing a dozen roses for your wife for $20 when at the Walgreens is just about the best investment of time and money I can think of.

Remember the Pareto Principle. 20 percent of actions are responsible for about 80 percent of significant consequences.

My observation is the distribution balance is even more skewed – more like 90-10 or even 99-1, especially when measured over time and as the "Law of Cumulative Actions" kicks in.

Look at every area of your life.  Conduct an inventory of everything you are doing.  Think of how relatively small actions, small changes, small adjustments in how you live your life can create cascading positive consequences that fan out and compound in many directions.

Build Momentum

Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. 

If you want to roll a large boulder, it's difficult to get it moving at first.  But once it's rolling, it becomes easier to roll it a bit faster and then a bit faster.  Once it's built up enough speed, the boulder can even roll on its own for a while.

But then if you stop rolling the boulder, the boulder loses momentum and comes to a stop.  It's then difficult to get the boulder rolling again.

This is true with your career, your business, your schoolwork, your exercise program, your diet, or whatever you're trying to accomplish.

If you stop your daily routine of moving toward your target, it's difficult to start up again.  It takes a lot of extra energy and effort.

First, you have to get back to where you were.  You will find you have lost ground.

You will find that you have put on a few pounds.  Instead of being able to do 30 push-ups, now you can only do 20.  You will have lost customers and clients.

Each day, I set specific projects I want to complete.  I try to complete the project, or take it to a natural break point.

If you quit the task half-way through with the intent of starting up the next day, significant time and brain power will be needed just to reboot the project – much like it takes time for your computer to reboot after it's been shut down. 

You'll have to figure out where you were in the project so you can pick up where you left off.

When reading a book, you'll want to stop at the end of a chapter, not in the middle of the chapter.  When working on your math problem practice sets, complete the practice set, don't stop half-way through.

A good way to think about momentum is that you are always either improving or getting worse.  You are always either moving forward or moving backward.

Nothing ever stays the same.

Even fence posts need maintenance.  They need regular coats of creosote and paint, or your fence will rot.

Your cash in the bank is not doing nothing.  It's being eaten away by inflation and bank fees.

You are either moving forward or backward, never standing still.

Doing nothing is not risk-free.  Doing nothing is a sure path to failure.  If you just keep your money in the bank, that's not safe.  Inflation and bank fees will eat away your cash.

If you don't have a daily health and fitness regimen, your body will decay.  You'll develop all kinds of health problems.  If you aren't moving forward with your career, making daily progress, there will come a point when it's too late to much with your life.  If you're in your 30s and really haven't accomplished much, the odds that you will accomplish much in life are diminishing with each passing day.

Life likely go downhill for you from this point forward if you are not on a path to success by age 30.  Your pattern of no action has been established. 

It would take a Herculean effort by you to change your life's trajectory.  It can be done, but your pattern of behavior has been pretty well established by the time you are in your 30s.  You would have to make a major commitment to become an almost completely different person.

Success tends to create more success.  Failure also tends to cascade into more failure.  People jump off sinking ships.

Winners have no trouble attracting investment capital and the best employees.

Elon Musk has no trouble attracting the smartest, most accomplished tech engineers in the world to work for him because everyone knows he's a winner.  His businesses – whether Tesla or Space X or the Boring Company or Neuralink – are where exciting things are happening.

When I invest in stocks, I want to know if the company is growing.  I want to see growing revenues.

I invest in companies that have momentum.  I'm not interested in companies that have flat or declining revenues.

If a basketball is lying stationary on the floor, you have to whack it hard to get it bouncing even a tiny bit.

But once you get it bouncing even a tiny bit, it's easy to get it bouncing a bit higher, then a bit higher. 

When you find something you are doing that's working, keep it going.  Don't stop.  Keep building on your momentum.

Choose Your Friends Carefully

I make a similar cost-risk-reward analysis when choosing my friends and who to hang out with.

Never forget that time is a finite resource.  You only have time for a certain number of relationships.  Make your relationships count.

I keep in touch with a few friends from my high school and college days because I like them and I value those periods in my life.

I also have my family relationships, which also consume time, but which I value.  Plus, we are responsible for family – to include those who really aren't doing so well.  It's just part of the deal in life.   There's no cost-risk-reward calculation when it comes to family relationships.

But then, what about our other relationships?

How much time is left for them?

The rule is: One's income is likely to fall about in the middle of the people we associate with.  Part of this is because "birds of a feather tend to flock together."

Humans are herd animals, so we tend to want to fit in with our herd.  You want to pick a herd of achievers, not a herd of losers and charity cases.

Almost all my business comes from my personal relationships.  I've made tens of millions of dollars over the decades from my personal relationships.  They've made even more money from my efforts on their behalf – which is why I have no trouble getting business.

I can't make any money from poor people.  Many poor people are fine folks.  Most of them are.  But I can't make money from them.  Poor folks can't hire people.  Only rich folks can hire people.

So conduct a cost-risk-reward analysis when deciding what new friends to take on.

I have a "No-Net-New-Friends" policy.  This means if I decide to accept a new friend into my circle of relationships, I need to discard a friend.

Yes, this sounds a bit mercenary.  But time is a finite resource.  It's your most valuable resource.  You only have a set amount of time here on planet Earth.

I don't actually discard friends.  I'm still friendly.  I still answer emails.  They just no longer occupy my time because my time is finite.  I let them fade out – or fade to the back burner.

The cold hard truth is: Other than my family relationships, I head to where the money and opportunities are.

Sure, many poor and low-income people are great people.  Some are every bit as funny, interesting, and talented as rich people – or more so.  But there's no upside in surrounding myself with poor people.

There is, however, a lot of risk.  Poor people need money.  Some will do absolutely anything to get money – as anyone knows watches murder crime shows.  There are people who will kill you for $20.

So conducting a cost-risk-reward analysis is essential when picking your friends. 

Pick friends who are doing a bit better than you are.  They will elevate you.

Don't pick friends who are doing substantially worse than you are.  They will drag you down.  There are no opportunities for you in this group.  You become their opportunity, their potential Golden Goose.

I don't try to hang out regularly with billionaires either, mainly because they aren't going to be too keen to hang out with me . . . because they've conducted the same cost-risk-reward analysis in selecting their friends.

The billionaire might hire me for something, might seek my advice, might invite me on a golf outing.  These things happen.  But we're not going to be regular friends.

I'll keep in touch with my small circle of billionaire and super-wealthy acquaintances.

For the most part, I'm looking to hang with people who are doing a bit better than I am – maybe 20-50 percent better.

If you're trying to get better at tennis, you'll want to play with people who are slightly better than you are.

You won't improve if you're always playing tennis with players who are at a lower level.  But you're not going to win any points if you're playing Novak Djokovic.  You won't get to hit many balls.  You won't improve.  The match will be over in 20 minutes.

Novak Djokovic won't be all that happy wasting his time playing tennis with you either – unless he likes you and is in a charitable mood.

You get better at tennis by playing with people who are slightly better than you, when the competition is intense.  This rule applies to your social relationships.

The phrase "social climber" sounds negative.  It has a negative connotation.

But social climbing is actually a good thing.  It's what you should be doing.  It's a big part of how you get ahead. An effective social climber is someone who is friendly and fun to be around, who has interesting things to say.

Everyone wants these kinds of people in their social orbit.

For the most part, people aren't going to want to hang with you unless they think there's something in it for them.  So hanging with billionaires if you are not a billionaire might not be in the cards – at least not immediately.  You probably don't have $250,000 for that country club initiation fee where the billionaires hang out.

The exception to this rule would be if you have a skill that's needed by the billionaire or that the billionaire admires.

Elon Musk needs engineers, needs software coders.  If you've established yourself as among the world's best engineers or software coders, he's going to want to hang with you.  He's going to want to pick your brain.  He will want to hire you.

I once got the opportunity to ski for two full days with William F. Buckley, Jr. when I was age 11.

Buckley was not a billionaire.  But he was wealthy, was a best-selling author, founder of National Review magazine, and was the leading conservative intellectual of his day.  He had a popular TV talk show on PBS called Firing Line.  He was very famous at that time.

He was friends with my dad who was a senior editor at Buckley's magazine, National Review.

Buckley was staying at our house in Vermont for a few days because he loved to ski.  I was a good skier.

So when I was age 11, he and I spent the entire two days skiing together and discussing all kinds of things on the chair lift and at lunch.  He was interested in doing that because he loved to ski and I was a good skier.

Later, he would write the introduction to my first book Poisoned Ivy.

He played an important role in helping me land a publisher for this book.  He agreed to serve on the board of advisers of the student newspaper I helped start at Dartmouth – The Dartmouth Review. 
He connected me with foundations and major donors who helped provide the seed capital for our student paper.  He helped connect me to the former Chairman of Chase Bank George Champion who agreed to be on our paper's board. 

Buckley would come to the Dartmouth campus at my invitation to speak.

He helped me land my first jobs in the world of politics in Washington, D.C.

Especially when you are young and trying to rise and build your career, pay close attention to who you cultivate as friends.

The right friends will lift you up.  The wrong friends will drag you down.

As you get older and more established, then you can indulge your charitable impulse more freely.  Then you can and you should look for talented young people you can help guide and pull up.

Early in life, the best thing you can do to help the world is to become self-sustaining.  This is not selfish because the best thing you can do for your parents and the people around you is to make sure you are not a burden to them.

Make sure you can take care of yourself first.

Then, once you've established your position in life and accumulated some capital, you can and should look for others to help and teach – just as Buckley did for me.

As you get older, this will have the added benefit of keeping you young and engaged in life.

So I should amend my earlier comment that billionaires won't want to hang with you.

Actually, billionaires and highly successful people do like to mentor young people – especially in their retirement years when they have more time on their hands.

Many older people see sharing their wisdom, their experience, their success secrets with young people as fulfilling for them.

So what highly successful people do when they hit their retirement years is look for talented young people to mentor.  They have nothing more to gain, so they like to share.  Many become primarily motivated by charity – to make the world a better place.  Many will be happy to spend time with you during their retirement years.

George Champion, the former Chairman of Chase Bank, was an early mentor to me and my circle of friends at Dartmouth when we were starting our newspaper called The Dartmouth Review.

He once told me that he visited former President Dwight Eisenhower when Eisenhower was bedridden in old age near the end of his life.

When Eisenhower's nurse greeted Champion on his arrival, the nurse said: "Oh, I'm so glad you are here.  Hardly anyone comes to visit the President anymore."

People were no longer visiting President Eisenhower because he was near the end of his life.  So people did not find him useful to them anymore.  But think of the lifetime of wisdom he could share.  Not only was Eisenhower a highly successful two-term President.  He was the Supreme Allied Commander of World War Two – the top general.  He literally defeated Hitler and saved the world from tyranny.

I would have loved to have spent hours and days with Eisenhower in his retirement years to hear all his stories and everything he had to say. 

Apparently, anyone could have done this if they had just made an appointment and showed up at his house with a pen, a notepad, and a tape recorder.  Anyone who had thought to could have had hours or even days of recordings of priceless conversations with Eisenhower; then written a book about it, or created a documentary. 

Think of the opportunity lost.

Find Your Calling in Life

If you are 5'4" and 130 pounds, shot putting is probably not for you.  Few people have any chance of ever being competitive with LeBron James in basketball no matter how hard they train and practice. 

One reason people are unhappy in life and are not reaching their full potential is they are fish out of water.

A fish is not going to be good at things tigers are good at. And tigers are not good at things fish are good at.

One of the biggest reasons for lack of success in life is people have been shoe-horned into the wrong jobs, the wrong roles, the wrong activities. Or they have shoe-horned themselves into the wrong role.

A fish is great at swimming. Not so good at running through the jungle.

I strongly recommend that every reader of this book take a test called "Kolbe Conative Test."

Not "cognitive" – "conative."

I had never heard of the word either. The word is not important.

You can take the test at www.Kolbe.com

It costs about $50 to take the test, but it's well worth it.

The Kolbe test is not a personality test.

This test is designed to uncover what your instincts are, what your internal mode of operation is.

Your instincts are not something you can change.

Sure, you can get control of them. You can force yourself to operate a different way.

But you will be unhappy. 

A tiger could probably learn to eat fruits and vegetables if he absolutely had no choice . . . to avoid starvation.

But a tiger will be very unhappy living that way. A tiger wants to eat raw meat.

That’s because a tiger is a tiger – not a giraffe.

So what the Kolbe test does is tell you what your instincts are, what your mode of operation is.

Specifically, what the test measures is how you go about solving problems.  And it breaks down your mode of operation (MO) into four basic categories.

The first category is what the test calls a "Quick Start" person.

Most "Quick Start" people just want to dive right into the activity, whether they know what they are doing or not. They figure they will learn by trial and error.

They are impatient with classroom activity or reading manuals.

They just want a few tips and then dive right in. These are action people.

They don’t like to sit around. They figure it’s best to take some action even if it’s wrong.

If it’s wrong, they will take corrective action to fix the problem later. Most entrepreneurs are "Quick Start" dominant.

A sizeable number of "Quick Start" people are also in jail because their tendency is to cut corners and not follow the rules. So being a "Quick Start" person has its advantages and disadvantages.

The second mode of operation is what the Kolbe test calls a "Fact Finder."

This is the opposite of "Quick Start."

The "Fact Finder" wants all the information before they act.

"Fact Finders" are researchers. They won’t make a decision until they are satisfied they have a thorough understanding of all options.

A Quick Start person has no patience for this.

A Quick Start person wants a solution right now, wants action right now.

A company or organization that has all Quick Start people will be a very precarious place to work.

These are the “We need to do something even if it’s wrong” people.

But a company dominated by Fact Finders will have a tough time taking any action at all. 

The truth is you need both.

Now, there are two other Modes of Operation, or types of people.

The third category is what the Kolbe test calls the "Follow-Thru" person.  These are the planners and systematizers.

These are people who are happy to sit through a course and read a how-to manual before they set out to accomplish the job. And they are the ones who want a detailed plan of action before they act.

These are different from the Fact Finders, who are mainly information gatherers.

Your Follow-Thru person wants a detailed road map, while the Quick Start person will often set out on the journey without a map.

Follow-Thru people make good generals and good leaders of large corporations and organizations.  They are planners and systems people.

The fourth and final category are the "Implementors."

These are people who feel more comfortable with physical objects than with theory.

These are the people who can hook up your computer network, or your phone system, and fix your car.  They are the guys who see Heaven as a day at Home Depot looking at power tools.

Surgeons also tend to be Implementors.

They are great at working with their hands.

If you don’t have any Implementors in your company or organization, not much will get done either.

You can’t have only Quick Start people. You can’t just have Fact Finders. You can’t just have planners and systematizers.

You also need people who actually do the physical work – or your company, organization, or team will break down and become dysfunctional quickly.

The computers won’t work. The elevator won’t work. The phones won’t work. The mail won’t get sent out. The checkbook won’t get balanced. Not much will happen in the physical world without Implementors.

A football team needs players (Implementors), not just coaches.

Now, none of us are 100 percent of any of these categories. We are a mix.

But we have a dominant natural mode of operation for how we tackle problems and deal with life.

And it’s important to know what dominant instinct we are.

By the way – and this is VERY important . . .

None of these categories are better than the other.

All four categories are necessary if you want to have a successful business, organization, or team – or frankly, run a household successfully

And you need to know your dominant mode of operation (MO) so you can fill in and shore up the missing pieces and weak links in your business, organization, or team.

Now, many entrepreneurs tend to be Quick Start people or Follow-Thru people.

The mistake entrepreneurs tend to make is to hire people who are like they are, or they partner up with people who are like they are.

So what happens is they end up with a company full of Quick Start people.

And that’s not good.

If you are a Quick Start person starting a business, you need to bring on a partner who is maybe a Follow-Thru person – a planner, a systematizer.

You also need a Fact Finder and probably mostly Implementors.

Why is this important?

Well, if you make a Quick Start person your building engineer, you are going to have a very ineffective and unhappy employee on your hands.  

That person will be a fish out of water.

And you can yell and scream at your Quick Start employee or team member for making one screw-up after another, but that won’t make any difference. You will not get improvement.

That person is in the wrong job, the wrong role.

In fact, I would say as a general rule, Quick Start people don’t make the best employees.

Most entrepreneurs are entrepreneurs because they hate working for other people. They hate following orders. They want to do things their own way. They want to blaze their own trail.

My dominant mode of operation is Quick Start.

But my second most dominant MO is Follow-Thru . . . which is the planning and systematizing MO.

So what I need around me are Implementors and Fact-Finders – certainly not more Quick Start people.

That’s how you have a balanced company, organization, or team.

And that’s how you make sure you find the right role for yourself and find the right roles for others in your company, organization, or team. You won’t succeed by putting square pegs in round holes.

Now . . . why is this so essential?

Because not only are fish happier in water, they perform best in water.

So if you know what the dominant problem-solving mode of operation is for you and for everyone in your company or organization, you will have a well-balanced, well-functioning company or organization.   You will have a company full of happy people who are doing what they should be doing.

Now, if you are a leader who is a Quick Start person, you want to be free to focus on what you do best – which is the idea-generation activity, the visionary stuff, the big picture – and then you want to delegate everything else to your Follow-Thru generals, your Fact-Finders and your Implementors.

Your Follow-Thru people – who are your planners and systematizers – will help keep your Quick Start creativity in check and let you know when your ideas are not practical.

And, as a Quick Start person, you don’t want to be spending your day trying to figure out how to hook up the phone system or balance the books.

So if you want to have a happy, well-functioning company, organization, or team you need to take the Kolbe test . . .  and have everyone in your organization take this test.

This will tell you a lot about whether your company or organization is properly put together.

If everyone in your organization is a Quick Start person, you’ll need to make some adjustments . . . or you’re headed for trouble and dysfunction.

What I love about this test – and the philosophy behind it – is that you are free to be the best version of you.

What I also love about this approach is that it goes directly against what we are told our entire lives.

We are told to work on what we don’t do well. We are told to get everything done on our “to-do list.”

Instead, what we need to be doing is focusing on what we do best . . . and then delegate everything else.

Taylor Swift is a great singer.  But for her to be successful, she needs a manager.  She also needs someone to arrange her gigs, negotiate her contracts, and get her songs out there.

Tom Brady is a great quarterback.  But he needs a team around him.  He also needs coaches, a stadium to play in, someone to schedule the games, and set up the league.

So if you love football, there’s a role for almost everyone in this enormous operation.

A big key to success and happiness, in my view, is to find the right role for you . . . and then master it.

That’s how you become an indispensable member of a team.

You want to be the person the rest of your team relies on and counts on – like quarterback Tom Brady.

That’s how you command a big salary along with job security.

But Brady’s offensive linemen are also indispensable.  He can’t do what he does without them.

Brady's offensive linemen also make a lot of money.  And they love what they do because they are great at what they do . . . and they're needed.

You want to fit your Mode of Operation – your natural way of doing things and solving problems – to a job that needs doing.  And then strive to become the best in the world at that job.

That’s how you become indispensable . . . and well-paid.

Part 4: How to Solve Life's Problems

Solving Problems Requires a System

All of life is a series of problems to overcome.

Your success in life will be determined by your ability to confront and solve problems.

The highest paid people in life are people who know how to solve problems.

Problems can be big or small.

If people say you have bad breath, for example, there are solutions to this relatively minor problem.

You can brush your teeth more diligently, use mouthwash, floss, and visit the dentist every six months.

Pretty basic.

But some problems are big and complex – such the D-Day invasion of Normandy, France to defeat Adolf Hitler.

Hitler was a huge problem.

The D-Day invasion of Normandy — involving 200,000 troops – was part of the solution, involving enormous planning by General Dwight D. Eisenhower and his top generals and admirals.

Other problems are more modest and routine.

Perhaps your grades are not what they should be. Or perhaps you are wondering why you are having trouble making friends. And you want to solve that problem.

Problems come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees of complexity.

But all problems can be addressed with the same process.  Here's my system for dealing with almost all problems.

Don’t Ignore the Problem

If not dealt with, problems almost always get worse. Problems almost never solve themselves.

Don’t bury your hand in the sand and hope the problem will just go away by itself.

Confront problems immediately.

A friend of mine had a serious tax problem. He had just gone through a very expensive divorce, which produced some serious financial problems for him, which quickly produced his tax problem. He owed the IRS a lot of money, about $100,000.  He didn’t have the money.

He asked me for advice. I gave him the name of a tax lawyer.  If you owe the IRS a sizeable amount of money, get a tax lawyer who's an expert at talking to the IRS.  Do NOT talk to the IRS yourself if your problem is significant.

I told him the answer will be to work out a payment plan with the IRS. The IRS will accept almost any reasonable monthly payment plan you offer. Perhaps offer to pay $2,000 per month. Or if you can’t afford that, offer to pay $1,000 per month for 100 months.

As long as you keep up with your current tax obligation and make the monthly payments you agree to, the IRS will be okay with that.

So that’s what he did.

He told me the IRS agreed to let him pay $1,000 per month on the old tax bill and even waived all penalties. He still had to pay interest, but no penalties.

Penalties for late tax payments can be enormous.

He told me the reason the IRS waived penalties and agreed to this reasonable payment plan is that he (or his lawyer) contacted the IRS to deal with the problem.

The IRS did not have to hunt him down.

He told me he had never felt so relieved to have this tax problem behind him — or at least on the way to being behind him with a manageable payment plan.

He worried he might lose his home, might have his bank accounts seized, might have the doors of his business padlocked by the IRS.

That can and will happen if you don’t deal with your IRS tax problem.

I had another friend who handled her problem with the government differently — the wrong way.

This friend of mine decided not to pay her parking tickets. She had evidently accumulated something like $1,000 in parking tickets by habitually parking illegally in Washington, DC.

She thought this was no big deal because she was planning to move to Florida anyway. So she thought she just wouldn't pay. But guess what?

She could not get her license in Florida until she paid her $1,000 in parking tickets, plus interest and penalties, which, by that time had pushed her delinquent parking ticket bill to more than $6,000.

She had to come up with the money if she ever wanted to drive again.  Ouch!

Your problems will follow you and get bigger if they’re not dealt with.

So whatever your problem is, deal with it immediately. Don’t procrastinate.

Procrastination is the #1 mistake people make when confronted with a serious problem.

Keep Problems in Perspective

My basic perspective is this: “Every day I spend above ground (rather than in the ground) is a good day.”

This is just another way of saying every day we are allowed to live here on this beautiful blue ball called Earth is a wonderful gift.  But ultimately our stay here on this Earth will come to an end.

We have a very short time here on this planet called Earth.

When I encounter problems and difficulties, I often compare my problems with problems other people have.

Imagine, for example ending up in one of Adolf Hitler’s death camps. 

Or I often think about what my wife Wanda went through growing up in Laos, how her village was bombed night and day by the Americans and the Communists, how she escaped the Communists to get to Thailand when she was 13, spent almost two years in a refugee camp, then made it to America, not knowing the language, and made her way here.

I think of what she had to overcome.

This is unimaginable for most Americans.

Or consider that much of the world lives in abject poverty.

When I think about how most people in the world live, whatever problems I’m confronted with pale by comparison to the problems most people face.

When you focus on all the blessings you have in the context of tackling your problem, your problem usually starts to look a whole lot more manageable.

This perspective tends to calm the nerves, causes you not to panic or freak out when confronted with a problem; helps put you in the right frame of mind to deal with your problem analytically with a clear head.

This perspective will also help you handle truly devastating problems.

For some problems — like a terminal illness — there might be no solution to the problem, at least not for this life.

In cases like this, the correct perspective is that everyone’s time on Earth is very short. This journey called Life ends for all of us very soon — at least for life on Planet Earth.

The biggest problem we all face in life is the problem of death.

We all end up dead at some point — in the not too distant future.

Now, I happen to be a Christian who believes in an afterlife.  So that perspective also lessens the sting of life on Earth being so short.

But whether you believe in God and an afterlife or not, the challenge for all of us is to make every day we have here on Earth count — to not waste time; to treat every day, every moment we have on this planet as a precious gift.

A great book on this theme is called Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

This is a book about Mitch Albom’s conversations on Tuesday’s with his professor from Brandeis University who was dying of ALS — Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

It’s also well worth going on YouTube and listening to baseball great Lou Gehrig’s amazing speech when he learned he had ALS and would be dead within two years.  Here's part of what he told the fans in a packed Yankee stadium:

"Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about the bad break I got. Yet today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth."

Lou Gehrig made a big difference in people's lives with that speech.

He inspired millions of young boys to want to be not just great baseball players, but to be courageous men.  He made every day count.

When I think about how short life really is here on Earth, this tends to reduce the magnitude in my mind of almost any problem I’m faced with.

This mindset, this perspective on life, helps keep me calm when confronted with a serious problem and helps me deal with the problem analytically, like a dispassionate scientist.

Think of Life's Problems as Puzzles to Solve

Solving problems can be fun.

Yes, some problems are very serious and there’s nothing fun about them — like being diagnosed with cancer.

But 90 or even 99 percent of problems you will face in life can be treated like a game you try to win, or a puzzle you try solve.

What are games and puzzles?

They’re challenges. Challenges are fun.

Why did we set out to land on the moon?

Well, a big part of the reason was to show we could do it.

Why do people set out to climb Mount Everest?

Well, mainly to see if they can.

Instead of dreading problems, instead of panicking and freaking out when an obstacle gets thrown in your path, start seeing problems as like puzzles to solve — almost as fun.

Elon Musk seems to have this approach to life.  He loves to solve problems – mostly engineering problems.

When his first rocket launch attempt blew up, his reaction was calm.  He just said: "Well, that sure was expensive."

Then he went back to the drawing board.

Imagine if life had no problems, no challenges, no setbacks, no defeats.

That would make life very boring. Think of the relief and joy you feel when you overcome an obstacle or challenge.

Doesn’t that make feel good, like you’ve accomplished something important and worthwhile?

How do you solve a puzzle?

You do it one piece at a time, step by step. That’s usually how problems are solved — piece by piece, step by step.

Diagnose and Define What the Real Problem Is

Very often — probably most of the time — people are not correctly diagnosing the real problem.

Usually, they are looking at a symptom and calling that the problem.

The symptoms are the fever, the congestion, the cough, the achy joints and muscles I’m experiencing, and that I can’t get out of bed to work.

The problem is the virus that’s causing all these symptoms.

Get rid of the virus, and the symptoms go away.

If you're a teenager, your problem is not that your parents grounded you so you can’t go out with your friends. Your problem is that you did something to cause your parents to ground you.

The solution is to find ways to show your parents that you understand what you did wrong and that you are not going to act that way again.

My friend’s problem was not the $6,000 she owed the government for refusing to pay her parking tickets for all those years. The problem was her irresponsible behavior.   So then the piper had to be paid.

You are always free to act irresponsibly.  That’s up to you.  But just understand there’s always a cost to acting irresponsibly, often a big cost.

A friend of mine owns a business. He told me that his problem is he keeps losing staff.   He invests all this money and time into training them, and then they leave to work for other companies.

I told him: “That’s not your problem. That’s a symptom of your real problem.”

"What's the real problem?" he asked.

“The problem is obviously you. You are clearly doing something wrong to cause all these good people, who you need and value, to quit on you. You are either not paying them enough, or not appreciating them enough, or they aren't feeling inspired by the work your company is doing, or they aren't seeing a good future for themselves at your company."

For whatever reason, they see little or no value in continuing to work for you. They see you as a steppingstone to something bigger and better. That’s your problem. You are the problem. You should ask yourself this question: Why would anyone aspire to work for me?”

If you have trouble making friends, that’s not your problem. That’s a symptom.

Your problem is YOU.

Perhaps you don’t appear to be friendly because you’re shy.  Perhaps you don’t treat people well.  Perhaps you have annoying habits.  Perhaps you smell bad because you don’t wash your clothes. 

Whatever it is, there are things you are doing that are making it tough for you to make friends.  But social skills can be learned.

Read Dale Carnegie's classic book on self-improvement titled How to Make Friends and Influence People.  Take a Dale Carnegie course on selling, on public speaking, on how to interact with people.

That's what Warren Buffett did because he was shy and socially awkward.

Making friends is a skill that can be learned.

If you fix whatever it is that’s annoying people or turning people off, you’ll start making friends.

Gather All the Information You Can

We might also call this the "data-collection phase" of solving your problem. Often problems appear daunting because you don’t have the information you need to solve the problem. This often creates panic — which can then cause you to bury your head in the sand.

It’s like trying to fly your plane in the fog with no instruments. You have no idea where you are or where you’re going. You then have a panic attack because you think you might be about to crash.

Lack of information leads to panic and wrong decisions.

If you know that the reason you are having trouble making friends is that you smell bad; and that you smell bad because you keep wearing the same clothes every day and rarely wash them, that’s an easy problem to fix.

That’s a problem you can fix right now.

People my age often worry they might have cancer.  Every lump they feel under their skin, every mole and dark spot that appears on their skin they think might be cancer.

So they worry — until they visit the doctor, get the tests and find out that it’s not cancer. Or, if it is cancer, to start the treatment.

If I have a legal problem, that can certainly cause me to worry.  If I get sued, will I lose my house?  Will I go bankrupt?

What’s likely to happen with this lawsuit I’ve just been hit with?

These are some thoughts that come to mind when hit with a lawsuit.

Anyone who has been in business for long will be hit with lawsuits periodically.

And that can be scary.

Then I meet with a lawyer and get the information.  He’ll explain the process, best and worst care scenarios, lay out options, strategy, our possible counterclaims, etc.

Then I feel better — just knowing the facts, even if the facts are mostly bad.

Information is power.

In my business, if we lose a client or lose a customer, I will ask the client why we lost her.  I’ll say give me the full brutal truth. What did I do or what are we doing that you don’t like?

Then, once I understand the client’s problem with me or the work we did, I have the information I need to make amends, to make it right.

And then even if we can’t bring that client back, we’ll have the information we need to correct course so we don’t keep making the same mistakes again.

Break Down Big Problems Into Smaller Parts

Sometimes you are faced with a very big problem.

Adolf Hitler was a very big problem for the world.  He quickly conquered France and Continental Europe and was preparing to invade Great Britain.

If you’re the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, your first goal is to prevent Hitler and the Nazis from taking over Great Britain. Your first job is to win the Battle of Britain in 1940.

If you can achieve that one objective, that becomes the first step toward defeating Hitler — the first step in a long war. By winning the Battle of Britain under Churchill’s leadership, this also gave the free world hope that Hitler could be defeated.

Some problems are so big that you can be psychologically and emotionally crushed by the magnitude of the problem.  This fear can paralyze you into inaction.

With these kinds of enormous problems that might even threaten your very survival, it’s best to tackle these problems one piece at a time, one battle at a time, try to make it through one day at a time.

Make a List of All Possible Solutions and Potential Problems with Each Solution.

Take out a yellow legal pad and draw a line down the center of the paper.

List proposed solutions down the left side of the paper. List potential problems or obstacles to each solution down the right side of the paper.  For complex problems, hold a brainstorming session with the smartest people you know and whose opinions you respect.

There’s an excellent book on this concept titled The Wisdom of Crowds by James Surowiecki. This is a book packed with case studies that document why decisions coming from group deliberations are almost always better than decisions coming from a single individual.

The opening anecdote in the book tells of the famous British scientist Francis Galton’s surprise when he observed that a crowd at a county fair more accurately guessed the weight of an ox when their individual guesses were averaged than could individual cattle experts.

In your brainstorming sessions, have the attitude that there are no dumb ideas because you want to encourage creative and out-of-the-box thinking.

Account for the “Law of Unintended Consequences”

Many problems in business and government have a lot of moving parts.

Every action you take has side-effects and unintended consequences.

As you come up with your possible solutions, you must make every effort to take into account unintended consequences and side-effects so you can make an informed calculation as to whether your proposed solution is worth the cost of the unintended consequences and side-effects.

You might need an antibiotic to knock out your bacterial infection. But just understand that there are often side-effects to the antibiotics and drugs your doctor is prescribing.

You might decide that these side-effects and risks are worth it.

We decided to form an alliance with Joseph Stalin against Adolf Hitler. Stalin was almost as bad as Hitler.  Like Hitler, he was a genocidal manic who killed about 30 million of his own people.

But Hitler was the bigger, more immediate threat. So the immediate and most important objective was achieved.

We defeated Hitler.

But the side-effect, or unintended consequence of forming this alliance with Stalin against Hitler is that we then had to fight a very expensive 36-year Cold War against the Soviet Union.

Life is very much like chess in that you need to learn to think several moves ahead. If I make this move, this is likely to happen.

Sometimes there is no obviously good option. You only have an array of bad options to choose from.

Every action you take has an equal and opposite reaction . . . or set of reactions rippling out.

This was the message of the great movie It’s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart.

Toward the end of that movie, the Jimmy Stewart character, George Bailey, is about to jump off a bridge and commit suicide because he’s been forced into bankruptcy and is even facing criminal charges.  He feels he’s failed his family and was in despair.  Then an angel, Clarence, arrived and showed George how horrible the lives of his loved ones would have been had he never been born.

To make sound decisions regarding complex problems, you must make every effort to forecast and take into account the potential side-effects and unintended consequences of your decisions.

You must be your life’s chief strategist.

Make Decisions

Once you’ve analyzed and diagnosed the cause of the problem, make actual decisions on the solution.

Ninety percent of the time any decision is better than no decision because 90 percent of the time the solution to the problem is obvious.

The solution to your parking ticket problem is to pay your parking tickets and stop parking illegally.

Only maybe five percent of your problems — big complex problems — will require significant deliberation, time, and planning.

Most of our problems are not on the level of planning the D-Day invasion of Normandy to defeat Adolf Hitler.

Set a Schedule for Tackling the Problem with Specific Actions

Unless you have a schedule with deadlines for specific action, no problems will be solved.

You’ll just be talking and thinking, not solving anything.

When I was a kid involved in ski racing, I was leaning on my ski poles starring off into space daydreaming when I was supposed to be helping my ski coach and the other racers set up the practice course.

My coach screamed at me: “Hart, don’t just stand there, do something! I don’t care if what you are doing is wrong. Just do something!”

This principle really became an important rule for my life — almost my credo for life.

It really is true. Almost any decision (90 percent of the time) is better than no decision.

Almost any action (99 percent of the time) is far better than no action – because in the vast majority of instances in life the right decisions and actions are obvious. You just need to decide . . . and then act.

Take the bull by the horns. Take your head out of the sand. Your problem will not solve itself.

Be a decider.  Be a doer.

Seek Expert Advice

I am a big believer in this.

If you're a teenager or young adult, your parents are an excellent source of advice.  Your parents have seen a lot more than you have.  They also have a lot invested in your success.

Of course, your parents won’t be able to solve all your problems.

As you move through life, you’ll find that your problems become bigger and increasingly complex. 

You will find yourself constantly needing to consult with specialists.

For serious legal problems, you’ll need a lawyer — often a lawyer who specializes in that specific area of law.

Never go into court as your own lawyer for anything more serious than a traffic ticket or a small claim.

For health problems, you need to see a doctor.

If you own a business and your finances are complex, you'll need a Certified Public Accountant to help you complete your income tax return.

When you think about it, the highest paid people in life tend to be professional problem solvers: doctors, lawyers, engineers, software developers, business consultants.

The more serious and complex the problems you become equipped to solve, the more money you are likely to make.

Brain surgeons make more money than general practitioners.

If you want to earn a lot of money in life, become a professional problem solver.

No matter what career path you choose in life, the better you are at solving problems, the more successful you will be.

If you become known as a great problem solver, everyone will seek your advice. Everyone will be interested in hearing what you have to say.

Turn Manure Into Fertilizer

During the coronavirus pandemic of 2020-21 that killed more than one million Americans and more than seven million people worldwide, I knew a young man in his twenties named Curtis who lost his restaurant job during the economic recession.

Restaurants had to close down, supposedly to slow the spread of the pandemic – which had no impact on slowing the spread

Curtis was working at a high-end steakhouse in Chicago and was earning decent money – with tips, about $5,000 per month on average.

My advice to Curtis was to use that time to learn technology skills.

I told him we have no idea when the restaurant and hospitality industry will come back – if it ever comes back.  What we do know is that the world will be increasingly reliant on technology.

"That trend was happening anyway," I told Curtis. "The pandemic will just accelerate this trend to an economy that is mostly digital."

I advised Curtis to quickly get certified in basic business applications, such as . . .

Microsoft Office 365

Salesforce

Adobe

"Just knowing how to use these applications fluently would likely enable you to land a good job quickly," I told Curtis.  "You could walk into a platform administrator job and command a salary of $70,000 or more."

Curtis took my advice.  He went online and took Microsoft's courses to become certified as a Microsoft 365 Administrator.  That took about 10 weeks.  Then he took Salesforce's online program to become certified as a Salesforce administrator.

There are nearly one million businesses in the U.S. that are on the Microsoft 365 platform. More than 200,000 businesses use the Salesforce platform for their marketing, e-commerce and customer service database.

Curtis was able to get certified as a Salesforce administrator within eight weeks.

He was able to land a job at a medium size ad agency with a starting salary of $75,000 per year – which was a substantial pay increase over the $60,000 he was earning as a waiter at the high-end steakhouse.

He decided he really liked the technology career path.  So he went online to get more certifications.  He learned:

HTML – for building Websites.

Java and JavaScript.

C, C++, C#.  These are the most widely used programming languages.  They are used to build Microsoft's applications.  Linux is built with C.  C++ is an enhanced version of C that supports objects.  C# was developed by Microsoft as a more secure version of C++.

Python.  This is the language Google uses.  Python is regarded as relatively easy to learn and use.  It's used for artificial intelligence, financial services, and data science. Social media sites are also built on Python.

PHP.  This is used for content delivery and large ecosystems of users.  It's used for running content-oriented websites such as Facebook, WordPress, and Wikipedia. 

CSS – or Cascading Style Sheets.  This is used in conjunction with HTML to build websites efficiently.

Curtis also learned how to advertise on Google, Facebook and other digital advertising platforms and track the performance of ad campaigns.

As I write this, Curtis is now earning about $130,000 per year, plus bonuses.

He says his goal over the next 12 months is to start his own digital marketing consulting business.

If the pandemic had not happened, Curtis most likely would have still been waiting tables.

But he turned a terrible situation into a big positive for him.  He turned cow manure into fertilizer, turned lemons into lemonade.

Disasters and catastrophes always force innovation – force us to change course.

But why wait for a pandemic or some kind of disaster to trigger action?

Figure out now where the world is heading and what skills will be needed to survive and prosper in an increasingly digital age.

Don't just let life happen to you. 

The captain of the Titanic was repeatedly warned about the icebergs in his ship's path.  He did not heed the warnings.

We knew what direction the economy was heading before the pandemic hit – which then just accelerated all business and life into an even more digital age.

Try to predict the future.  Most people watch life through their rearview mirror, thinking the road ahead will basically be the same as the road behind us.

Nope.  Change is accelerating.

When I was growing up, people tended to work at the same job their entire life.

Whatever they started doing in their twenties is what they continued to do until retirement at age 65.

People had one job, one house, and one spouse their entire life.

Life was simple.

Today is very different.  Life has become vastly more complex.  The U.S. Department of Labor reports that the average person has eight jobs by the time they are 35.  People tend to change careers very frequently. 

Many jobs become obsolete.  Because of advancing technology, entirely new careers and opportunities are opening up all the time.  If you were skilled in technology ten years ago but did not keep up with it, whatever you knew then is probably obsolete now.

When deciding on a job or career path, ask what this will lead to.  Are you working in a field that's growing or shrinking?  In the early 20th Century, you would not have wanted to be in the horse and buggy industry.  You would have wanted to be in the auto, airline, or motion picture industries.

By the end of the 20th Century, designing semiconductors and writing software code would have been where the opportunities were – probably still are, with an emphasis on expertise in artificial intelligence.

Become a chess player, not a checkers player in this game called Life.  Look at the entire board.  Think several moves ahead.

What will the world look like in five years, in ten years?

How should you position yourself, what skills do you need to become immensely valuable in emerging fields and industries?

Be a strategist in this game of Life.

Part 5: How to Master Any Subject or Skill Quickly

With Six Months of Focused Learning, You Can Command a Six-Figure Salary

Schools don't teach us how to learn.

The schools teach you what to learn (sometimes) – not why you need to know this subject or how to learn in the most efficient way possible – so you actually get it . . . so that what you learn sticks in your brain.

The truth is schools really don't teach you what to learn either.  Much of what is taught in school is outdated and useless.

Today, schools are mostly focused on indoctrinating children into politics and bizarre "woke" ideology.

So if you want to succeed in life, you will need to educate yourself, for the most part. You will need to seek knowledge on your own.

I spent my high school years focused on trying to become a world-class ski racer.  My goal was to be the best ski racer in the world – to win the World Cup, to win an Olympic Gold Medal.
So for about 14 years – from the age of 5 to age 19, I dedicated myself to this quest.

I really did not do high school at all.  I attended a school called Burke Mountain Academy in Vermont, which trains and produces Olympic ski racers.  This is Mikaela Shiffrin's school, who has won more World Cup races than any skier in history and multiple Olympic Gold medals.

This was my school too. All I cared about was ski racing.  I did not care one wit about my studies.

I did not achieve my goal in ski racing.  I did become a top-level junior ski racer.  But I saw that it was unlikely I would ever win the World Cup or an Olympic gold medal. 

I just did not have the athletic talent to do that.

But I managed to get into Dartmouth College.  I did not have the grades or the SAT scores to really qualify to get into an Ivy League school.  But Dartmouth wanted me on their ski racing team.  I was also a good junior tennis player.  So Dartmouth also wanted me on its tennis team.

It also helped that my dad was a professor of English Literature at Dartmouth – also that my dad and granddad were Dartmouth alums.

So I got in.  They told me I had the lowest academic qualifications for just about anyone who got into the school.

At that point, I decided to quit ski racing and focus on catching up on all the schoolwork I missed in high school.  I did not even go out for the ski team – which really ticked off the coach.  He refused to talk to me for ten years because of that. 

He had really gone to bat for me to get in.  We're friends again now, 40 years later.

But I just thought to myself: "I'm very lucky I got into Dartmouth at all.  I had put my full effort into ski racing for 14 years, took it as far as I could go.  Now it's time to focus on school and figure out what I'm going to do with my life."

In my first couple of days at Dartmouth in the Fall of 1977, they gave me a math diagnostic test.

Well, I did not do well at all on that.  So they put me in the remedial math class.

I had basically done no math in high school because I had been focused on ski racing.  I had been traveling all over the country and the world for ski racing.  Occasionally, I would pull out a Louis L'Amour western novel and read it going up the chairlift.  That was my high school education.

So what happened in this remedial math class at Dartmouth is they took us through basic math, starting with adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing, all the way through Algebra Two in ten weeks.

I ended up getting an A in the course – proving that anyone can learn all of elementary and high school math through Algebra Two in 10 weeks . . . if you really put your mind to it.  Plus, I was taking three other courses in addition to math.

This is also a great illustration of how much time is wasted in school.  Kids should be learning all this material ten times faster so they can then move on to learning subjects and skills that really interest them.

No wonder kids are bored out of their minds in school.  The teaching moves at such a slow pace that the kids are bored to tears.  And of course, the schools make the subject material as boring as possible.

Some people who are in their 20s, 30s and 40s have asked me: Would it really be possible to start a new career in technology from scratch, say in IT, without any knowledge of technology?

My answer is: Absolutely.

With about six months of focused disciplined work, you can learn enough software coding and how applications work to walk into an IT or tech platform administrator job that pays you $80,000 to $100,000 per year – even if you are starting from scratch and had never done any software coding or significant technology work before.

But you must focus.

Decision and Commitment

The first step to learning a new skill or discipline is DECIDING what skill or discipline to master.

Now obviously, when you are in school, some of these decisions are made for you.  There are general education requirements you need to graduate – math skills, reading skills, writing skills, science, history, geography.

These are just the base building blocks of knowledge you need to become a functioning person in society.  What the schools teach you through high school is the bare minimum you must learn to become a functioning citizen.  If you're lucky, the school teaches this.

The schools don’t even do a good job at this anymore.

But at some point you will need to focus on developing a specific skill or set of skills at a reasonably high level.

You will need to become a specialist at something – or perhaps several things.

I used the example of becoming a software coder earlier.  But these rules apply to any kind of learning – whether you are making a decision to go into technology, medicine, law, engineering, or learn a new language, or how to play an instrument.  Whatever skill or subject area you choose to learn, it has to be a serious commitment.

If you just half-ass it, you won’t learn it.  You certainly won’t learn anything of much value that will serve as a marketable skill later.

So STEP ONE of learning anything important is to make the DECISION to learn it.

You can’t learn everything.  You only have a certain amount of time on this planet.

You must pick and choose what to learn.  You must choose a direction to go in. You must have an end result in mind for why you are choosing to learn this skill or subject area.

What will learning this help you achieve? What will your FUTURE SELF look like and feel like if you learn this skill or this subject?

This also ties into motivation.

When you make the DECISION to learn something, that word is also related to the word INCISION – which means CUT.

Your decision to learn one thing means you are cutting off the possibility of learning other things – at least while you are focused on learning this difficult subject or skill.

If you decide you want to become a doctor, you are cutting off the possibility of also becoming a lawyer – at least for the foreseeable future.

If you decide you want to learn Spanish, you’ve decided not to learn French – at least for now, until you become competent in Spanish.

If you don’t really commit to learning the skill or subject area for a period of time, and if instead you hop from one subject to another, one discipline to another, you never really become good at anything. 

You are then just a dabbler.

The reason most people never become an expert at anything is they are indecisive.  They never really commit to it.  They never say “This is the road I’m heading down, not this road, and not any of these other roads.”

When I make a decision to learn a difficult new subject or skill, I have a 30-hour rule.

I commit to devoting at least 30 hours of time to learn it.

If I spend one hour a day on this new skill, that means one month.

That’s enough time to learn quite a lot about almost anything.  You could become pretty competent at a new language if you really spent one hour of focused time on it per day for 30 days.

The other reason the 30-hour-commitment rule works so well is the first ten hours of learning anything difficult is the toughest.  If you want to learn how to salsa dance, for example, the first ten hours won’t be much fun at all.

You’ll be tempted to quit.  But you can become a decent salsa dancer if you make a 30-hour commitment to learn it – one hour a day for 30 days.

And then that’s a skill you will have for the rest of your life.  You’ll be able to go to Latino night clubs and probably be one of the best salsa dancers on the floor – for the rest of your life.  You’ll be the star of the dance floor in any nightclub.

Not a bad skill to have – for a 30-hour learning commitment.  Same with learning a musical instrument.

This is why I believe in learning a subject or skill one at a time.

The way education is set up in this country I believe is all wrong – with students taking five classes in a semester, each class in entirely different subject areas.

The human mind cannot hold onto five different subject areas at once.  It would be far better to take one class at a time for 30 days – so you could just focus on that.  Then after 30 days are up, take another class – perhaps in a different subject area or perhaps a more advanced class in the same subject area.

But focus for 30 days on one subject.  You can’t learn software coding, Shakespeare, French, Calculus, biology, and tap dancing at the same time.  At least, I can’t.  My mind doesn’t work that way.  My mind works best when it’s completely focused on learning one thing at a time.

Everyone’s brain works best this way.

No One is a Good "Multi-Tasker"

There really is no such thing as "multi-tasking."

You might think you are multi-tasking when you are talking on the phone, cooking, watching the baby, and doing the New York Times crossword puzzle at the same time.

But you really aren’t. 

Your mind and your focus are just moving quickly from one task to another and then back to the other task.

It might look like your computer is doing many tasks at once.  You might have many windows open on your computer screen.  But your computer processor is really only doing one task at a time.  Your computer processor is just moving between tasks very quickly.

And you’ll find that if you close out all windows and clear all material off your desktop, your computer will hum along much faster.  Your brain works the same way.  You are much better off focusing on one task at a time and blocking everything else out.

You can become pretty darn good at almost anything with 30 days of daily focused attention on learning it – at least good enough to know whether you want to keep learning more and getting better at this skill.

You could learn to ski in 30 days, how to play the piano or guitar, speak a new language, become a pretty decent artist, how to salsa dance, become a chef, build a website, or take apart and rebuild a car engine.

You just have to decide what you really want to learn right now – and then make at least a 30-day daily commitment to learn it.  Pick one skill at a time to learn.

Then move onto the next skill you want to learn.  Then once you find what you really love doing, keep doing it – keep building on that, so that you become an expert, so you become world class.

In the long run, you will want to specialize in something – become world class at some skill – hopefully something people will pay you a lot of money to do.

Specialists tend to make a lot more money than generalists.  A brain surgeon makes more money than a general practitioner.

A lawyer who specializes in patent law or telecom law or forensics can usually make a lot more money than a general practice lawyer.

A software coder who is a true expert on cyber-security will make a lot more money than someone who just knows HTML coding for building basic websites.

So at some point you will want to move on from just being a generalist to really specialize in something – become truly world class at something.

Repetition is the Mother of All Learning

How does learning actually happen?

The answer is REPETITION.

REPETITION is the mother of all learning.  Another word for this is practice.

If you are to really learn the piano, you can’t just show up at the lessons but not practice.

You can’t just say: “I played the song once” and that’s good enough.  I did my assignment.

You must practice the song and your scales over and over again until you’ve mastered them.

And, of course, you can never really master a musical instrument any more than you can master a ballet.

It can always be done better.  The same with your math homework.

If you don’t practice the math problems and really learn and internalize the method for solving a particular kind of problem, you won’t learn the skill.

The more you practice the math operation and the more math problems you do, the better you’ll get at it.

Then when you’ve mastered that math operation, you’ll be ready to go onto the next step in your learning – move on to learn a new operation, and take on more complex math problems.

What’s happening when you are practicing the song over and over again on the piano or solving 100 math problems using the same operation is you are creating new neuro pathways in your brain. 

As you practice, these neuro pathways become deeper and deeper – well-worn paths – to a point when playing the song or solving these math problems become second nature.  You almost don’t even have to think about it because this particular skill becomes so internalized.

This is why cramming the night before a test never works.

It takes time to really learn a new concept, skill, or anything that is at all difficult.

It takes constant repetition to create those well-worn neuro pathways in your brain.

This can’t happen in one day.  It must happen over a period of time.

You and your brain need rest.

Research now shows that most learning actually takes place during the rest phase when you’re sleeping or just resting.

So when I say "REPETITION is the mother of all learning,"  I should amend this to say SPACED REPETITION is the mother of all learning.  Your brain needs rest to really absorb and internalize the material.

Your brain has two modes of thinking – your FOCUS MODE, which involves the frontal cortex of your brain.

And then there’s the DIFFUSE mode.

This is when the brain is in a state of rest and relaxation.  You are not directing your brain when it's in diffuse mode.  Your brain just wanders on its own.  Scientists now believe there are something like 28 different states of diffuse-mode thinking – which can involve sleeping, taking a walk, meditating, relaxing on the beach, day dreaming.

We don’t need to get into all this.  We’ll just call all this the DIFFUSE mode thinking – your brain wandering on its own without any direction from you.

In FOCUS mode, you are actively and intensely directing your brain to focus on the problem, the subject material, your practice, or task at hand.

As far as scientists can tell, the brain cannot be in both focus mode and diffuse mode at the same time.

Your brain is in one mode or the other.

But most of the learning actually happens when your brain is in diffuse mode – when your brain is resting.  You are asleep, dreaming.  Or perhaps you are half awake on the sofa.  Or you’re in the shower.  Or you’re going on a walk.

Your brain has just finished all this hard work.  Now you are off the task and your brain is resting, just wandering around on its own.

It’s during this diffuse mode of thinking that new neuro pathways are being formed.

These neuro pathways are not being formed during focus mode – while you are doing the hard work. The hard work you are doing in focus mode is what stimulates the growth of these new neuro pathways in your brain.  But they need time to actually form.

The process is similar to physical exercise.  The muscle is not being built while you are lifting weights.  Your muscle fibers are actually being torn down during weightlifting.

The hard work of weightlifting is stimulating the muscle, shocking the muscle fibers – actually tearing the muscle fibers slightly and weakening them in the short term.

The new muscle then forms after the exercise during the rest period.  Your muscles need time to recover and build during the rest period before you come back and lift weights again.

This happens with your learning.  The brain needs time to grow and form new neuro pathways in response to the heavy stimulation of focus mode work of study and practice.

The basis of much of this chapter comes from a book titled A Mind for Numbers by a mathematics and engineering professor at Oakland University named Dr. Barbara Oakley.  So if you want to delve more deeply into this topic, I highly recommend her excellent book, along with her other books.

But here’s another reason why getting enough sleep is so important to your learning and mental health.

When you are awake, metabolites accumulate in your brain between the cells.  These metabolites are toxins – actual poisons.  They build up on your brain cells while you are awake.

They affect your judgement and prevent you from thinking clearly.  You get groggy.

When you go to sleep, your brain cells shrink in size, which creates space between the cells for fluids to wash between the cells of your brain and clean away all those metabolites, all those toxins, so your brain is clean again.

That’s why when you wake up you feel so refreshed – not just physically, but mentally.  Your body actually probably only needs four hours of sleep.  But your brain needs 7-8 hours of good sleep.

People with poor sleep habits tend to develop brain malfunctions, mental illnesses, and are more prone to getting Alzheimer’s and dementia as they get older.

Scientists have charted the fact that it's during sleep when the neurosynaptic growth happens – when those dendrites (synoptic connections and neuro pathways) in your brain are formed. 

This is why cramming for tests never works. 

Learning periods should be short.  Learn.  Rest.  Sleep. Learn. Rest. Sleep.  It’s during sleep and rest that your neuro-scaffolding is being built in your brain.

You have likely seen this work exactly this way many times in your own life.

Let’s say you have really been struggling to learn something.  It might be a piano piece, or a difficult move in gymnastics, or figure skating, or you’re trying to learn a new math operation.

It becomes very frustrating because you’re just not getting it.

So then you put it aside.  You go to bed.  You wake up the next morning refreshed.  And suddenly, you’re playing the piano piece much better. Or you’re landing that gymnastics move.  Or you’re suddenly seeing how that math operation works.

It’s almost easy now.

What’s happened is: While you were sleeping, those dendrites and neuro-pathways were growing.  All those new neuro-synapses were connecting.  The neuro-scaffolding was being built.  You were literally getting smarter while you were sleeping. 

Also, all those metabolites (toxins) that built up while you were awake were being washed out of your brain, so your brain was free to think clearly again.

So yes, repetition is the mother of all learning.  But it has to be SPACED repetition.

When your brain is in focus mode – really focused on solving a difficult math problem, or reading to understand difficult text, or perhaps writing an essay, or mastering a difficult gymnastics move – this is very hard work, requires a lot of energy.  Your brain gets tired quickly.

When is a great golfer in focus mode – let’s say Tiger Woods or Jack Nicklaus?  Well, they are in the most intense focus mode when they are standing over a putt – a putt they must sink to win the Masters.

But their brain cannot possibly stay in that kind of intense focus mode for long.  The brain would get weary, even after 30 seconds of that kind of intense focus mode of thought.

For me, my focus mode is when I am writing.

For me, I don’t want to have my brain in focus mode writing for more than 45 minutes at a time.  And then, I will take a 15-minute break.  Then I will come back to write some more for another 45 minutes.

For me, my focus activity is usually on writing advertisements.

That’s how I make my living.

But I don’t let myself write or read for more than 45 minutes at a stretch.  My brain needs time to recover.  And it needs time for that diffuse mode of thinking – where the mind just meanders or mulls things over on its own, without being directed by me.  I might spend that time in meditation, or doing push-ups, or practicing some break dance moves, or going on a walk, or just lying on the floor.

And then I’ll get back to round two and put in another 45 minutes. 

I will only do, at most, six chunks of 45 minutes of focus-mode work per day.  After that, my brain feels like mush.  It’s exhausted.  If I continue to push it harder to 7 or 8 chunks of focus mode brain activity, I’m just fooling myself.

I’m not really getting anything of much value done.  The brain is shot.  Out of gas. And my brain won’t be any good again until I get 7-8 hours of good sleep.

The Five Modes of Learning

We have five modes of learning.

We learn by hearing – such as when your teacher or professor delivers a lecture.

You learn by reading.

These first two modes are the weakest ways to learn.  If all you do is listen to a lecture or read the book, you won’t retain much of what you learn.

These modes of learning just are not creating those deeply embedded neuro pathways in your brain you need to retain the material.  That’s because words, whether printed or spoken, are abstract. 

You can learn by seeing visual images or watching others.  This is good because visual images are much more powerful than words.  A picture is worth a thousand words, they say.

People tend to remember what they see – at least much more so than printed or spoken words.

Learning by physically engaging your body in the act of learning is very powerful. 

You can’t learn how to play golf by reading a book or by hearing lectures about golf, or even by watching others play golf.  You learn how to hit a golf ball by going out there and hitting golf balls.

Sure it’s helpful to read books and listen to lectures about how to hit the golf ball.  But there’s no substitute for actually going out there and hitting golf balls, over and over again.

But this principle of getting the physical body involved in the learning applies not just to sports, or dance or physical activity.

Getting your body involved in learning applies also to intellectual topics.

That’s why when reading a book I always have a stack of index cards sitting next to me so I can write down the key concepts or draw a mind map as I read illustrating the key concepts.  I try to put the key concepts in my own words – in very abbreviated form.  Sometimes just the keywords.

If you can sum up what the author is saying in a few words or by drawing a rudimentary picture, you’ll retain the knowledge because you are engaging your physical body in the activity.  You are also using a visual image and creating that image yourself.  So the concept can’t just go in one ear and out the other.  It sticks in your brain.

You have forced yourself to physically engage with the material.

I carry a stack of index cards wherever I go – so if a good idea pops into my head, I can write it down, so I don’t forget it. 

If I meet someone new, I take the index card out and write down their name.  I might even draw a simple picture of that person – with some unique characteristics about that person.  If I do that, I’ll remember the name. I’ll also write something descriptive about the person which will help me connect the name to that person. 

This is actually flattering to the person I meet.  By taking the index card out and writing the person’s name and key info about them, you are telling that person he or she is important.

Then if during the course of the conversation, that person says something interesting, you take out the index card again and write it down.  This will be flattering to that person.

This will help you remember that person’s name and who that person is.

The fastest way to learn any subject is actually to slow down – so your mind can absorb the information.

Getting your body physically into the learning forces you to slow down and absorb the information.

Don’t just speak the information into a dictation app on your phone.  That’s better than nothing.  But not nearly as good as taking a good old fashioned index card out and physically handwriting the information on the card.

So learning by doing is the second most powerful way to learn.

How do babies learn to walk?  They learn by doing.  They learn by trying, falling, and trying again.

After about a year of doing that, they’re walking.

Babies and toddlers also learn by imitating.  They imitate what you do.  So they engage the physical and the visual modes of learning.

Have you noticed how must faster kids learn than adults?

Kids learn faster because they primarily engage two of the most powerful learning modes – imitating (the visual) and the physical – actually physically trying the activity.

But the most powerful way to learn an intellectually difficult or challenging topic is if you have to teach what you just learned.

If you have to teach what you just learned, you need to know the subject well.

The great teachers and the great professors are those who know how to simplify a difficult subject – explain it in a way that even a ten-year old can understand it.

How did Jesus teach? 

He taught by telling stories, parables, to get his points across.  A short memorable story creates images in the brain that stick.  Instead of saying "stop lying and stop sounding false alarms," Aesop told the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

The entire story is just 305 words long.  Everyone remembers that story.  That story sticks in our brain – much more than just telling people to stop lying and stop sounding false alarms.

The great teachers use analogies.  An analogy is a way to explain a new idea by showing why it’s kind of like this familiar idea that you already know.

So you might say: Electric current flows through the copper wire like water flows through a garden hose.

Now this is not exactly what’s happening. Analogies are imperfect and ultimately break down on close scrutiny.

Electric current is not really like water.  But this analogy helps in our understanding of what’s happening – the electric current flows through the copper wire like water through a garden hose.

The analogy aids in our understanding by linking the familiar with the unfamiliar – also by creating a picture in the mind.

When learning new concepts, it’s helpful to try to create your own analogies that help illustrate a new concept or idea.

When teaching a ballet move, the instructor might say: “Kick your leg like this – hard like you’re punting a football.”

"Oh, okay.  I get what you are saying."

Analogies, parables, mini stories help teaching and help learning.

When you are learning difficult material, find a ten-year-old and see if you can explain the basic ideas in a way that she can understand what you are saying.  If you can, you probably have a good grasp of the material.

If you can’t explain the material in an engaging way, with analogies and examples, you don’t know the material well enough.

This method of teaching is called the Feynman Technique.

Richard Feynman was a Nobel Prize winner in Physics.

He was a master of being able to take difficult, complex subjects in Physics and explain them in plain English in a way that a ten-year old can understand – by using simple analogies. 

How would Jesus or Aesop teach this concept?

If you have trouble doing this, he said, you don’t really understand the concept yourself.  You need to go back to the source material and see if you can simplify it some more.

The ability to explain something in a way a ten-year-old can understand what you are saying is proof you understand the material.

The act of teaching material also engages the physical.  Before you teach, you must organize your presentation, write it down, almost memorize it, perhaps create a PowerPoint presentation – or at least create a basic outline of what you plan to say.

If you can do that, you can be confident you know this material.

Again, the fastest way to learn any difficult subject or skill is to slow down – to make sure you really understand it before you move on to the next, more advanced step – to make sure your brain has internalized the material.

One of the best professors I had at Dartmouth was a Physics professor named Robert Jastrow.

This man was a genius.  He got his PhD in physics by age 22.  He joined NASA when it was formed when he was age 23.

He was the first chairman of NASA’s Lunar Exploration Committee, which established the scientific goals for landing on the Moon and the Apollo space missions.  At the same time, he was the Chief of the Theoretical Division at NASA.

Professor Jastrow was a great teacher because he was a great simplifier. 

I was an English Literature major at Dartmouth.  I had very little science and math background.  But even I could understand what he was saying.  His lectures were packed with analogies.

The way he made sure we learned the material is he would give us a list of 1,000 or so questions.  He then told us the exam would have 100 questions, all pulled from this list.

Well, this made learning the material easy.  All I had to do was look up the answers to these 1,000 questions, memorize the answers, and I would be sure to ace the exam.

So that’s what I did.  I looked up and memorized the answers to all 1,000 questions he gave us.  Not only was I able to ace all his exams, but I learned the material.  I was forced to learn it – by looking up the answers to the 1,000 questions and creating flash cards.

I got every answer right on every test.

I also got so I really loved the material – almost changed my major to Physics because of the classes I took with Professor Robert Jastrow.

We tend to develop passions for what we become good at.  Thanks to Professor Jastrow’s method of teaching, I became quite passionate about Physics and Astronomy.

How to Achieve FOCUS

When you are in your focus mode of thinking (in full learning and practice mode), make sure you are doing this in an area free from distractions.  Not in front of the TV. 

Don’t have your Facebook, email, and text message alerts turned on.  The best place for focus mode work is actually in a room that looks something like a prison cell – no windows, no pictures on the wall, no phone, no internet connection, no distractions.  Just you with your work – the task you must accomplish.

Now, you might not have a room like this to retreat to.

Focus mode thinking is very tough, grueling, even painful.

Distractions are pleasant. Facebook, watching TV, surfing the Web, chit-chatting on social media are all like cotton candy for the brain.  These activities are very addictive.  Ten minutes on Facebook can easily turn into an hour.

There are biological and chemical reasons for this.

Facebook and social media trigger the pleasure centers of the brain – the limbic system.  Facebook triggers that natural human tendency to procrastinate, the human desire to be “liked” and “loved” by the crowd.

I have made the decision only to check my email three times a day at scheduled times – 8 a.m., Noon, and then 4 p.m.

And that’s it.  I schedule 10 or 15 minutes per day for Facebook (at 8:00 p.m. in the evening), to see what my friends and family are up to.  And I schedule 15 minutes a day to surf the news sites so I know what’s happening in the world

So even when taking my breaks, I’m rarely checking email, Facebook or anything on my phone.

It’s just too easy to fall into a black hole of unproductive distraction when suddenly you notice you’ve wasted two hours doing nothing of value.

Much of the internet is this way.  Social media and the internet just tempt you to procrastinate – to avoid and delay the difficult and painful task at hand, which is for you to learn this difficult subject material.

Let’s face it, when choosing between pain and pleasure, most of us will choose pleasure every time.  And when pleasure and fun are calling your name with every Facebook, email, and text message alert on your phone, turn all that stuff off.

You need silence and your undivided attention on the task at hand when you are in focus mode.

But the pleasure is knowing that this painful focus mode of thinking will only last a limited period of time – perhaps 45 minutes at time. Then you can take a 15 minute break – but not to check Facebook, Twitter,  and TikTok.  Go for a 15-minute walk – forget Facebook and Twitter, leave your phone behind.  Or do some push-ups, calisthenics, yoga or meditation.

Then after your 15-minute break, get back to another 45 minutes of focus mode.

Or if you find you can’t really do 45 minutes of focus mode study, start with 20 minutes and build up. 

You can probably do 20 minutes of focus mode study at a time.   Then follow that with a 10-minute break.

Training your brain to focus for 45 minutes will likely require building it up with training and practice, just like the muscles in your body.  If you can’t do 25 push-ups, maybe you can do three; and build up from there.  Start doing push-ups with your knees on the floor instead of toes.  The same with training your brain how to focus for an extended period of time.

But true intense focus mode learning should not be more than 45 minutes at a time.  That’s about the limit – at least for me.  And you need to put yourself on a strict schedule.  As I mentioned, I do five or at most six sets of 45-minute periods of focus mode work per day, separated by 15-minute breaks.

Then that’s it.  My brain is shot for the day.  It’s like mush.  And I do all my focus mode work in the morning – when my brain is fresh after a good night’s sleep.

So that’s really only 3.75 hours of focus mode brain work per day – out of 24 hours in a day. 

That’s really not much.  But it’s during these 3.75 hours per day of focus mode when I make all my money, when the real value for my clients is created.

How to Achieve FLOW

Go on YouTube and watch Bruce Lee play ping pong with nunchaku sticks.  Or watch Tom Brady on hot streak when he completes 15 passes in a row, or when Michael Jordan would score 50 points in an NBA game.

That's flow – also often called "in the zone."

When these great performers are in the FLOW or in the ZONE, their brains are operating in DIFFUSE MODE.

Diffuse mode is the higher level of thinking.  That's when the creativity and blinding insights happen.

To illustrate how this can work, the current world champion in chess is Magnus Carlsen.  He’s been the world champion for the last ten years and is only age 32 as I write these words. 

At the age of 14, Carlsen was a chess prodigy and played Gary Kasparov to a draw.  Kasparov was the #1 chess player in the world for nearly two decades.  He’s one of the greatest players of all time. 

So it was amazing to see this 14 year-old kid, Magnus Carlsen, play the legendary Kasparov to a draw.

But what shocked spectators even more was that when the match reached a critical stage, Carlsen just got up from the chess table and started walking around the room.  Instead of staring intensely at the chess board in focus mode, as you would expect him to do at this critical stage in the match, he just walked around the room, talking to people and looking at the other tables.

He then came back and played the great Kasparov to a draw in that game.

What Carlsen was doing was engaging in diffuse thinking – letting his mind wander free form, mulling over the problem. 
When he came back to the table, he had a fresh perspective.  He could see the board in new ways.

In image mapping of the mind, when the brain is in focus mode, the prefrontal cortex of the brain lights up intensely.

But the rest of the brain stays comparatively dark.   Almost all the brain’s energy is in that focus mode – concentrated in the frontal cortex area, which is the very front of the brain.

When the brain is thinking in diffuse mode, the entire brain lights up – though not as intensely as the prefrontal cortex when in focus mode.

So when your brain is in diffuse mode, your entire brain is thinking – not just the prefrontal cortex.  You are actually using more of your brain.  In diffuse mode, your thoughts are running randomly through all the neuro pathways in your brain.  This is why creativity happens in diffuse mode, not so much in focus mode.

You tend to have the great new ideas and brilliant insights not when you are intensely focused on a project or task, but when you are in the shower, lying in bed, waking up from sleep, out on a walk, or lying on the beach.

You’ve probably noticed this in your own life.  Well, now we know there are scientific reasons for why and how this happens.

So yes, you absolutely need intense repetition and practice every day to master a difficult skill or subject area. 

You need to be in intense focus mode (45 minutes at a time at most) for spaced intervals throughout your work period – for me that's morning starting when I first wake up and get out of bed.

The length of time your brain can stand the intensity of being in focus mode also depends on your activity.

If you are trying to land back flips on a balance beam, the amount of time per day your brain and body can stand doing that might be 10 minutes or less . . . and then you’re done for the day – perhaps onto doing yoga or some less stressful activity.

How is it that there are times when a Tom Brady or a Michael Jordan just can't seem to be stopped?

Brady completes 15 passes in a row, Jordan scores 50 points.  And they make it look so easy.

Same when Nadia Comaneci scored those perfect 10s in gymnastics in 1976 Olympics on her way to winning three Olympic gold medals.

They are in a state of FLOW.  They have found the ZONE.

When these athletes are in a state of flow, they make it all look easy.

What’s happening when someone is in this state of flow?

A clue is found in a study of mice in a maze.

Scientists hooked up neurotransmitters to the brains of the mice so they could monitor their brain activity.

A piece of cheese was placed in the maze.

The mouse had to find it.

When the mouse was first placed in the maze, the mouse knew the cheese was somewhere in the maze.  He could smell it.

He just had to find it – head down every alleyway until he found the cheese.

While this was going on, the mouse’s prefrontal cortex of the brain was lighting up like crazy.  The mouse was in total focus mode: Intensely focused on trying to find the cheese.

Eventually the mouse found the cheese.  When that happened, the lights in prefrontal cortex of the brain went dark, went out of focus mode. The mouse had found the cheese – solved the difficult problem.

Then the scientists took the mouse out of the maze, put the cheese in the same location, then put the mouse back in the maze.  The mouse had not completely learned the route to the cheese, so the prefrontal cortex of the brain lit up like crazy again – until the mouse found the cheese.

Eventually, the mouse learned the fastest route to the cheese.  Once he learned the route to the cheese, the prefrontal cortex of the brain stopped lighting up.

He did not need to think any more.  He could just sprint through all the alleyways, never encounter a dead end, and get to the cheese in the fastest possible way – at lightning speed, no thinking needed.

In the military, trainers of special operations forces tell us that a movement must be performed at least 3,000 times before it becomes instinctive – which means you will do the movement without thinking about it.  You can just react without thinking.

If we are talking about a complex sequence of movements where many contingencies are involved, such as in martial arts fighting or close combat fighting, you will need to practice movements and sequences of movements many thousands of times (repetitions) before your movements can become instinctive.

That’s the point when your prefrontal cortex (focus mode) of your brain shuts down.  Your brain is then free to operate in diffuse mode. Your body is able to just react, perform all the right moves instinctively – like Bruce Lee

Learning Happens While You Sleep

Remember what I said earlier. Your brain can only operate in one mode at a time. It’s either in FOCUS mode or in DIFFUSE mode.

Focus mode is the problem-solving mode.  You’re trying to figure out the new problem in front of you – like solve a puzzle or learn how to throw a proper punch.

If you are in a fight and your brain is in focus mode, you’re in trouble.  That means you have not properly trained yourself. Your movements are not instinctive. 

If you have to think about your moves in a fight, you will lose the fight to a more skilled fighter.

You have probably experienced this at one time or another when taking a test.

You thought you knew the material.  You thought: “I know this.  I’m sure I’ll do fine on this test.”

Then you went into the test, started looking at the questions and you froze.  Suddenly a panic gripped you.  You could not solve the math problems.  You didn’t know the answers to the questions on the test.  You had writer’s block and didn't know what to write on the page.

What’s happened is you did not know the material as well as you thought you did.  You had not done enough SPACED PRACTICES and SPACED REPETITIONS over time so that the material becomes instinctive – easy.

The Goal is Slow Thinking, Not Fast Thinking

I’ve heard sports commentators say that what separates a Tom Brady from other quarterbacks is his brain moves so much faster than other people’s brains.

To Tom Brady, the players in front him seem to be moving in slow motion.  He can see the entire field and all his options clearly, almost as though in slow motion. 

He methodically surveys the field – looks at each of his four or five potential receiver targets.

All this takes place in the span of three or four seconds.

But science tells us the Brady’s brain is not actually moving faster than other brains.  It’s actually moving much slower.

He’s in a total state of calm as he stands there in the pocket – because he is so well trained.  He doesn’t need to think much.

He can just react to what he calmly sees in front of him.

It’s not just that he’s memorized the playbook. He’s internalized it.  He knows exactly where every receiver on the field will be at any given instant.  He doesn’t even have to look at the receiver.  He just knows because he’s run this play and practiced this play thousands of times.

What then becomes the job of the defense is to figure out ways to knock Brady out of his flow.

Sometimes defenses figure a way to get Brady out of his flow.  They try blitzing a safety.  They switch up the defense. Then Brady gets sacked a couple of times, maybe intercepted.  He starts looking a bit confused and uncertain.  He's out of his flow.

As Mike Tyson once said: "Lots of people look great in the ring until they get punched in the mouth."

Often you lose your flow when you get tired.

Your flow state of mind can suddenly desert you.  

Keep Going When You Are in Flow

Sometimes I do make exceptions to my schedule of 45 minutes of focus followed by 15 minutes of rest that I generally follow every morning for about the first 5 or 6 hours of my day.

Sometimes I get into a zone or flow with my writing where the words and thoughts are just coming so easily.

There have been times when I have written for 8 or even 10 straight hours because it was just flowing so well and so easily.  On these occasions, I am basically writing with my brain in diffuse mode.  It becomes almost relaxing to write in diffuse mode.

So this can and does happen.  When it does, I think it’s good to just keep doing what you are doing. Don’t’ stop. You might be creating something great – like Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel.

But just know that you’ll be exhausted after the flow ends.  The flow will end when you become exhausted.

You might need a full day’s rest to recover.  You might need a couple days rest.

And that’s fine.

You want to practice the right things, not the wrong things.  That's what's happening when you're in flow – when you're hitting 10 basketball shots in a row from behind the three-point line.

If you're in that kind of a flow, keep doing it until you're tired and start missing.

When the flow is not happening – when the task is difficult – it’s best to follow the 45 minutes of focus mode work followed by 15 minutes of diffuse mode rest.

And just do five sessions of that.  The flow will happen whenever it happens.  You can’t just turn on flow.

Athletes on the level of a Tom Brady, Michael Jordan and Lebron James are not always in flow.  There are many times when they struggle.  They’re just in flow more than most.

The flow happens as a result of all the training, the thousands of hours of repetitions and practice – spaced repetitions.

But even with all this practice, all these repetitions, there’s often no flow.  Even Tom Brady seems to be back there tripping over himself at times. 

That’s most likely because his brain is tired – needs rest, needs time to recharge.  When the brain gets rest, most likely he’ll be back in flow mode.

Remember, it’s the brain that needs rest much more than the body.  The body needs about four hours of rest.  Your brain needs seven or eight hours of good sleep each night.  That will ensure you’re in flow more often.

Again, this is why staying up all night cramming for your test the next day never works.  You won’t learn the material this way.  You won’t remember much of the material when the test is put in front of you.  You’d be better off just getting a good night’s sleep and forget about cramming for the test.

The learning must take place long before the test happens – even for relatively easy subject material.

How to Get Straight A's in School or College

When I was 16, I failed my first driver’s license test because I thought I would just read through the skinny little manual once right before the test.  Wrong.  I failed.

I didn’t want to fail it again.  So I went home, read through it again, created flashcards with the questions on one side and answers on the other side.

Maybe that was overkill.  But I did not want to fail my driver’s license test again.

The flashcard system for memorizing material is still the best system, in my opinion – the fastest, surest way to learn almost any subject.

You actually learn a lot simply by creating the flashcards because you are fully engaging the material both with your brain and the physical act of writing the question on one side of the flashcard and answer on the other side – often accompanied by a picture of the answer because pictures and images create a stronger impression on the brain than simple text.

Also, the act of creating the flash card forces you to slow down.  Your brain just can’t glance over the material.  Your brain actually has to focus on and absorb the material as part of the act of creating the flashcard.

When I read a book, I read with a pen and a stack of index cards next to me.  When I encounter an important idea, I write it down on the index card. I often then paperclip the index card to the page where I encountered the idea or key piece of information.

This is much better than underlining or highlighting key text.  The act of writing the key idea or fact on the index card engrains the concept so much more firmly in the brain.

With these index cards, it then becomes so much easier to review the material.

Whenever you take a class, you are usually handed a large textbook.  Or you must buy a large textbook.

All the answers to your test questions are in that textbook – somewhere.

So what students usually do is start on page one of the textbook and start reading – often with their highlighter, dutifully highlighting blocks of text. They then wonder, after doing all this reading and highlighting, why they can’t remember the material.

That’s not the way to tackle a textbook.

The best way to learn any subject is to first get an overview of the subject. There are several ways to do this.

But for a textbook, the best way is to first read the questions at the end of the chapter you are reading.

Almost all textbooks include a list of questions at the end of each chapter. These questions tell you what the author believes are the important concepts in the chapter.

You should tackle reading comprehension tests the same way.  Don’t read the long passage of text first and then the questions.  Read the questions first, then read the passage of text.  The answers to the questions are in the text.  So you just mark or highlight the keywords or phrases in the text that answer the questions.

So your first job when tackling a textbook is to first read the questions at the end of the chapter you are on.

Then go through the chapter and read all the bold print – the headlines and subheads in the chapter. Also look carefully at all the pictures, images, charts, and graphs that are included in the chapter.

The author has put all this there – bold print, charts, pictures – to highlight what the author thinks is important for you to know.  Be sure to read the captions and descriptive text under the photos, pictures, and charts.

After you’ve done that, go back through the chapter again and read just the first and last sentence of each paragraph.  Just doing this will give you a good sense of what each paragraph is about. Each paragraph is like a mini-essay. It’s a thought, a concept.

The first sentence gives you an introduction to the concept.  The last sentence in the paragraph gives you the bottom line point you are supposed to take away.  At least most of the time.

Then after you’ve done that, read the entire chapter through.  Your reading will be so much easier because you have this overview and many of the essential concepts.  Your comprehension will be so much more thorough.

Why?

Because of the repetition.

You’ve read the questions at the end of the chapter.  You’ve gone back through and read all the bold print, the headlines, and subheads.  You’ve studied all the charts, photos, and images.  You then went through the chapter a third time to read the first and last sentence of each paragraph.  So you've got the overview of the chapter.  You understand where the chapter is going.

Now you are going through the chapter for a fourth time reading all the text – also taking notes on your index cards of the key concepts and info that you’re quite certain will be on the test . . . because the questions at the end of the chapter have told you what questions will likely be on the test, assuming the teacher is fair – which isn’t always the case.  But that's just life.

Also, it’s best to do all this BEFORE the lecture from the teacher or professor on the content of this chapter.

The lecture will be your fifth exposure to this material.  The lecture should also give you big clues as to what questions will be on the test.  You should record the lecture, so you can review some more. Also, instead of traditional notetaking, what I like to create are called Mind Maps.

The problem with notetaking is people rarely review them.  And notes tend to be a disorganized hodgepodge of text and lists.  Who’s going to review this jumble?

When I hear the teacher or professor say something important, I will often draw a picture of the concept and write the keyword in the picture.

When I hear concepts and information that seem to be related or connected to this picture or keyword, I will write the keyword next to the picture.  If I hear what seems to be another major concept or theme, I’ll draw another picture.

Then I will list keywords that seem to represent concepts related to that larger picture.

Then after the lecture is over, I’ll redraw and redo the mind map.

I will put what seems to be the central idea of the lecture in the center of the page or perhaps at the top center of the page.

I will put the lesser, but related concepts under the main concept – perhaps in a box or with another picture along with the main keywords.  I will then draw a line connecting the ideas.

So instead of writing notes, I’m creating a diagram with pictures and keywords that represent the ideas and information. And then with lines, showing how all these concepts connect together.

Why do this?  This would seem to take a lot of time.

Well, it does take time.  We do this because our brain learns much better with images and with visual representations than just through text.

The repetition combined with visual images and visual representations plus the physical actions of actually creating this mind map, index cards, and flashcards are what drive the material into your brain – creates those new neuro pathways so you actually absorb the material.

In the long run, you are saving time because you are actually learning the material.

You are not wasting time by taking a half-assed approach and never really learning much.

Why spend any time in class or reading the textbook if the end result is you don’t learn it?

Might as well not do it at all.  Why waste the time?

I’m a believer that if you’re going to invest time to do something, do it right.

Go all in. You’ll actually make progress that way.  In fact, you will almost certainly be in the top five percent of your classmates just by following this approach.

Start with an overview of the material. This is a big key to effective learning that sticks in your brain.

We just discussed how to tackle a big thick textbook in the most efficient, productive way . . . so that you can really learn this material in the fastest way possible.

But this approach works for every subject area.

When I was a student at Dartmouth, I quickly learned that the easiest and quickest way to understand a work of literature or philosophy was not to just start on page one reading the dense text – for example, Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment.

I went out and bought the Cliffs Notes or Monarch Notes, which are plot summaries of all the great works of literature and philosophy.  Some students who saw me do this thought I was cheating by getting the plot summaries.

I didn’t think so.  The point, after all, is to both learn the material and get good grades.

So that’s where I would start with the Cliffs Notes or Monarch Notes summaries – so I could understand in plain English and in summary form what the book was about.

This actually made reading the book so much easier and more enjoyable.  I could enjoy the nuances of the writing because I knew where I was heading.  I wasn’t lost in the forest.  I had the overview first.

Well, today we have Wikipedia – which is a great place to go for an overview on almost any topic.  We did not have Wikipedia or YouTube or the Internet when I was growing up. 

But Wikipedia is a great starting place to get an overview on the subject area you are tackling.

Here's something else I’ll do when tackling a difficult new subject – let’s say Calculus or Chemistry or Physics or computer coding.   I will get a glossary of all the key terms because these kinds of subjects are like a foreign language.

Next to each key word or phrase in the glossary is an explanation of what it means, hopefully in plain English.

But if you want further explanation, you can also look up the term or word in Wikipedia.

Often in the Wikipedia article you will encounter more words and terms that are foreign to you.  You then look up those words and terms in Wikipedia.

Then you can create a mind map of all this on how all these terms and concepts fit together.

You can also learn from Wikipedia why this subject is useful to learn.

Knowing WHY you should learn something helps give you the motivation to learn it.

You can’t learn without MOTIVATION.  You just aren’t going to put in the daily hard work to learn anything difficult without first knowing the WHY.

You can learn this from Wikipedia – in the overview.

Wikipedia, of course, is far from perfect.  It’s written by contributors.  The information is not always accurate, or it's incomplete, or it's biased.  But it’s a great place to start – to get your overview of the material, so you can know where you are heading.

Another good place to find an overview of subjects is the online version of the Encyclopedia Britannica.

What I like about the Encyclopedia Britannica is the articles are written by experts who have credentials, not by random contributors.  So the information is likely to be more reliable.  I'll often read both. 

Linkage

Understanding the BIG PICTURE – the overview – of why you are learning anything is very important to learning.

So often in school the teacher just starts on page one of the textbook without any explanation of why you are doing this in the first place.

Learning any complex subject is a lot like solving a big jigsaw puzzle.

If you are just presented with 1,000 puzzle pieces without the picture on the box, it’s much harder to put together the puzzle.

Or let’s say there’s no picture on the box and no images or colors on the pieces.  Let’s just say the pieces are blank – just pieces that you have to somehow fit together.

Well, then it would be much more difficult to put this puzzle together. You could do it with enough time and determination.  But there probably would not be a big point to it if there was no big beautiful picture at the end of all this work.

Seeing the big picture helps you fit the pieces together.  Seeing the big picture also provides motivation for completing the puzzle.

We learn best by trying to link the new concept to what we already know.

This concept is called LINKAGE.

So when we learned in kindergarten or first grade how to add in math, most teachers show adding visually.

The teacher has a group of four pennies in one area, then adds three more pennies to the group.  How many pennies are there?

Then the kids get it.  They can see what’s happening.

All of math is like a foreign language that you have to learn.  You did not know what an equal sign was until you were taught what it was, through repetition and visual examples.

You did not know what a plus sign or a minus sign was until you were taught what these symbols mean.

Math also has to be learned in a certain order – much like building a castle out of Legos, one block at a time linking to another block.

If you miss a section of math because you weren’t paying attention or just did not get the concept, you’ll be unable to go on to the next section or level.  You’ll quickly become lost because in math, each new concept (function or operation) builds on a previous concept, function or operation.

In math, you learn the new more complex material by building on or linking to previous material.

So it’s a lot like putting together that 1,000-piece or 2,000-piece jigsaw puzzle.

How do you do that?

Well, the best way to start is to find all the corners and all the edge pieces. Then group together all the pieces that seem to have the same color on them.  Then we try to fit those pieces that seem to be the same part of the picture together.  The more pieces we fit together, the more a picture starts to take shape.

And that’s basically how we learn new material and new subject areas.  We try to link it and fit it together with material that we already know.  The material that you already know are your landmarks for learning this new material.

In math, you begin with simple problems first.  Then, as you master those with practice and repetition, you can move onto more complex problems.

But if you have not mastered the simple problems, you can’t move onto the complex problems.  You’ll be lost.

This is why when you are learning math (let’s say Algebra), it’s a good idea to take a math basics diagnostic test to make sure your basic math skills are in good shape before you tackle Algebra.

The math basics diagnostic test will show you where your skills are weak, so you can shore them up before moving on to Algebra.

You can easily find math diagnostic tests on the Internet.  Then YouTube is full of math tutorials on just about every area of math.

If you are young today, you have a big advantage over me.  When I was young, there was no YouTube, no Internet.

If we missed what the teacher was saying, we just missed it.  And that was pretty much that.  And then we were lost – had no idea what the teacher was talking about.  Then getting caught back up was no easy task.

I’d have to make an appointment with the teacher or ask my parents to hire a tutor to get me up to speed.

Today, you can just look up the lesson on YouTube.  You can watch the videos over and over again until you get it.

Today, there’s really no excuse not to learn the material.  It’s all on the Internet. Essentially, all knowledge can be found on the Internet for free, or almost free . . .  along with countless video tutorials on whatever you’re trying to learn.

So the way we learn is to try to find ways to link new material to material that we already know – find pieces of the unfamiliar that are familiar.

If you are a skier trying to learn snowboarding, it’s not that big a jump.  Snowboarding is different from skiing.  But there’s a lot that’s the same.  There are also a lot of similarities between water skiing and skateboarding.

The balance is similar. The feel is similar.  Many of the movements are similar.

If you’ve finished learning Spanish pretty well, it’s not such a big jump to learn French.

It would be a much bigger jump to learn Chinese . . . or even a bigger jump to learn calculus.

There are really no similarities between learning Spanish and learning Calculus.  So learning Calculus is a more difficult slog.

Simplify Learning

So here’s my strategy — my approach — to learning any subject quickly.

Step #1 is to get an overview of what I’m trying to achieve.

If you are in a new city, a place you’ve never been before, what are some good ways to get a sense of this new city?

One way would be to look at the city when you are arriving in a passenger jet.

Look at it from the sky. You’ll be able to see where downtown is, the waterfront, the general layout.

You should then get a map to get a sense of where the city is situated, to see where all the main thoroughfares are, how to get to the sights and places you want to see.

The next step is to get into the car and start exploring the streets.

Start driving around.

This is the approach to learning any new subject or skill.

The first thing you want to do before doing drills and exercises is to find out what is supposed to be achieved by doing all this.  Find out what the end result of doing all these exercises and drills is supposed to be.

What’s the goal of all this?  What’s the point?

If you want to learn about this new city you are in, you don’t want to just jump in a car and start driving without a map, without direction, without any knowledge of where you are, what you are doing, or why you are there.

You’ll want a map. It would be helpful if you also had a Michelin or Fodor’s travel guide, complete with recommended destinations.  Google maps and a GPS navigation system also help immensely.

Think of your textbook as like your map and your teacher as like your tour guide.

So let's say your next big subject in school is learning Algebra.  The same concepts apply to learning software coding or any difficult subject.

Let's take learning Algebra as our example.

First, you will want to know: What is the point of learning Algebra?

It's tough to motivate yourself to learn anything difficult if you don't know what the point of it is.

Well, the main reason for learning Algebra is it's a system for helping you solve complex problems quickly — such as build a bridge or land a human on the moon.

Once you understand the big point of Algebra and what learning Algebra allows you to do, it becomes so much easier and more fun to learn the subject.

Just about everyone loves puzzles. Algebra is your key to solving big puzzles.

So that's a pretty good reason to learn Algebra.

Step #2 is to read a glossary of Algebraic terms

Whenever you tackle a new subject — whether it be Algebra or learning how to build a website or how to do Java software coding, you’ll want to read a glossary of terms associated with the topic.

Algebra is like a foreign language. So is all of mathematics.

One reason people are confused by math is they run into lots of terms and symbols they’ve never encountered before.

But that should not be a problem for you.

There was a time when you did not know what an equal sign was or a plus or minus sign.

But you learned what these symbols meant. You learned that adding and finding the sum mean the same thing. You learned that subtracting and “finding the difference” also mean the same thing. You learned that “finding the product” is multiplying numbers.

But these were all foreign terms to you at one time.  Algebra introduces you to a whole new set of terms.

Get your hands on and read a glossary of algebraic terms. 

Just type “Algebra Glossary” into Google.  Many will come up.

I just took a look at an Algebra glossary myself.  I see about 140 terms there.

It’s an easy list to read, learn, and memorize.  You can do it in a couple of hours — especially if you use a flashcard system for memorizing these terms, just like you would if you were learning a foreign language.

If you become familiar with all these terms, you’ll find Algebra so much easier to learn.

You won’t be stumped when the teacher is talking about “slope,” “factoring” and “radicals.”

A glossary of a subject gives you the lay of the land.  The terms themselves provide a roadmap for what you need to learn.

It’s like reading a summary of a book before you read it — like Cliffs Notes. It makes the book easier to read and digest because you know where you a going.  You then don’t have to waste a lot of brainpower trying to figure out what this is all about.

It wouldn’t hurt also to get Algebra for Dummies.

I love that series.

The For Dummies books are almost always better than the text books. I use that series all the time, for almost everything. These books are great at telling you what you really need to know — at distilling a subject down to its essence, the bottom line.

Step #3: If you are shaky on your math basics, you should take a diagnostic or assessment test to find out which of your basic math skills need shoring up.

Before you tackle Algebra, you’ll need to make sure you are up to speed on how to add, how to subtract, how to multiply, how to divide.

You’ll need to be able to handle fractions — including how to add fractions, subtract fractions, multiply fractions, divide fractions, turn fractions into percentages, turn percentages into fractions, and understand how exponents, ratios, and proportions work.  Really be sure you know your multiplication tables through 12 x 12.

If you’re well-grounded in the basics, Algebra frankly will be a breeze for you.

The reason people have a hard time with Algebra is they are missing some of their math basics.

Maybe you weren’t paying attention in class the day that topic was covered.

Learning math is like building a house.  You build from the ground up.  You need a solid foundation, or your house will collapse. Then you build brick by brick up from the foundation.

If you are missing bricks and support beams, again, your house will collapse.

If you are missing a basic math skill before you reach Algebra, you will hit a brick wall.

You won’t be able to solve the problems — because basic math skills are required to solve Algebra problems.

So perhaps you weren’t paying attention that day when that lesson was being taught. Or maybe you just didn’t do the homework, so the lesson was never drilled into your brain.  Or maybe it’s just been a while since you practiced math, so you’ve forgotten some of the skills you don’t much use.

No problem.  All this is an easy fix.

Just type “math basics diagnostic test” or “math basics assessment test” into Google. All kinds of good ones will pop up. Take one of these tests. Find out what math operations and skills you are weak on.

It shouldn’t take you long to get up to speed.

Step #4: Whenever you get confused about how to do something in math, just go onto YouTube and watch a tutorial on how to perform the math operation.

Every math operation is frankly simple — if you just know how to do it, if you just memorize the method or the theorem. It’s really all just a matter of memorization and practice.

Then soon, the more you practice and the more you do it, you begin to see the logic, the pattern.

It’s just like learning a new software program. There’s a logic and pattern to it.  But you have to learn it.  And you have to practice it, so you become fluent in it.

Make sure you do your homework — do all the problems.  Go beyond what the teacher assigns to you.  Do all the problems in the textbook you are using.

Learning math is just like learning a foreign language. You learn it by doing it.

When learning a new subject, what I try to do is figure out what is the absolute minimum I need to know to be reasonably competent.  I try to boil the topic down to its essence by getting an overview or summary first.

The fastest way to learn a subject is to know what you have to learn. 

Start with the minimum you must learn to be somewhat competent in the subject or skill – and then you’ll have a general understanding or framework.

Then once you have this minimum basic knowledge – which provides the framework, the overview – you can build on that.

To show how this works, let’s say you want to learn the guitar.

There’s a comedy rock band from Australia called the "Axis of Awesome." You can find their videos on YouTube.

What these guys show is that if you just learn how to play four chords on the guitar, you can play and sing just about every pop song ever written.

The video starts out: Ever wonder why all pop music pretty much sounds alike?

So if you learn just four chords on the guitar, you’ll be able to play just about any pop song.

The chords are E, B, C# and A on the C scale.

How long would it take you to learn four chords?

Probably a day or two.  So then you can start having fun with the guitar almost immediately, playing and singing famous pop songs.

This is a great illustration of the fastest way to learn any skill or topic.

First, you figure out the absolute minimum you must learn to become reasonably competent.

You break down what you have to learn into its most basic elements, the basic building blocks first.  Then if you want to go deeper, you build on that.

This is why, when I’m tackling a new skill or subject, I’ll often first try to find courses and books on the topic written for kids – the younger the target age group the better.

When I needed to build a website in 2005, I needed to learn some HTML coding.

I did not start by looking for a textbook on HTML coding written for college students.  Even HTML Coding for Dummies was too advanced for me.

I looked for HTML coding written for kids.  Same with Java coding.  I know if I start with a book or course on a difficult topic written for children, I’ll be to grasp the basic concepts much more quickly . . . because it’s written for children, not college students.

So, in no time, I was able to build perfectly functional websites.

If you want to learn American history, first read books on American history written for kids.  Then read books on the topic meant for an older more advanced audience.

Learning a new language is no different.

Take Spanish, for example. If you learn 1200 of the most common words and 200 of the most common phrases, you will have a functional knowledge of Spanish.  You will be able to communicate pretty well.

That’s very doable, don’t you think?

You also need to know how to construct simple sentences. The sentence structure of most Western languages is similar.

Here's a diagram of how to construct a simple sentence in English:

Not too complicated.

Sentences, of course, can get complicated. But you don't need complexity to communicate.  The best way to communicate is with simple sentences anyway. The Ernest Hemingway approach.

There’s a sentence structure diagram like this for every language.

Then all you need to do is read a few pages of a book in the language you’re trying to learn to see how sentences are put together.  Read it out loud.  Listen to tapes so you can learn how the words are pronounced and should sound.

You will learn fastest if you have an opportunity to speak regularly with people who speak the language you are trying to learn. Just focus on learning the most basic sentence structure, you’ll be able to communicate fine.

This is why it truly is realistic to learn a language in about six weeks.

This is how you learn any subject quickly.  Simplify the subject.  Figure out what you really need to know.

Boil a subject down to its essence. 

Figure out exactly what it is you must know.  Simplify.

Then learn it.  Immerse yourself in it.  Practice it every day.

Again, I believe in using the good old-fashioned flashcard system for this – where you actually create the flashcards yourself.  And instead of using the English word on one side, draw a picture to represent what the Spanish word means because you want to be thinking in pictures.

You don’t want to have to go through the mental process of translating Spanish into English in your mind.  You want your mind to see a picture when you hear or see the word.

"Agua" just becomes another word for "water".  "Agua" doesn’t mean "water".  It is "water", in your mind.

That’s how you become fluent.  Get used to connecting words to pictures, not to other words.

The act of creating the flashcards and drawing the pictures also gets your body into the physical act of learning.

Treat Learning Difficult Subjects as a Game You Try to Win

People who are experts in difficult subjects tend to achieve far more in life than those who are easily discouraged by tough mental tasks.  They also have much greater career security.

Brain surgeons make more money than general practitioners.  Is it tough to get a job if you're a skilled brain surgeon?

Nope.

Every brain surgeon I know not only has a job but is making a very good living.

Treat learning difficult subjects as like a game – a game you strive to be world-class at.

The challenge and the difficulty are the game.

It's tough to do a backflip on a balance beam.  Takes years of painstaking practice.

Are puzzles that are too easy any fun at all?  Isn’t it more fun to solve a difficult puzzle?

Easy puzzles are boring. A challenge is what’s fun and interesting. Treat your software coding certification course work as a puzzle you want to solve.

Why did we go to the moon?

A big part of the reason was to show the world we could — to show the world, especially the Soviets, that America is #1.

It’s the same reason people climb a mountain. Because it’s there.

What’s more fun? Checkers or Chess?

Serious people like chess because it’s so difficult to master.  It’s a challenge. It’s a true measure of intelligence. Challenges make life fun.

You should view life as competing against yourself, not so much competing against others.

I am not focused on what my peers are doing.  I am not envious of their success.  I admire it.

I am focused on getting better at what I'm interested in.

In this battle, improving every day is winning.

I will never beat Roger Federer at tennis.  But I can become a better tennis player every day if that's something I want to do.

But getting your software coding and IT certifications will likely be far more profitable than learning any game.

What’s the value of learning mathematics? The great 17th Century scientist Galileo had this to say about math:

“Philosophy [nature] is written in that great book whichever is before our eyes — I mean the universe — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the language and grasp the symbols in which it is written. The book is written in mathematical language, and the symbols are triangles, circles and other geometrical figures, without whose help it is impossible to comprehend a single word of it; without which one wanders in vain through a dark labyrinth.”

In other words, math is the key to how the universe is structured.

So that's a good reason to learn math.

What Galileo said here was proven to be even more true than he knew the more we have learned about the universe — about physics, about atoms and molecules, about gravity, about the Big Bang, about black holes, supernovas and galaxies. The laws of physics are math equations: Force = Mass x Acceleration.

Albert Einstein taught us this truth about the universe with this amazing formula — an algebraic equation: E=MC²:

E=MC² is actually the shortened version of the full equation.

The full equation, used for bodies in motion, is E²=(MC²)²+(pc)² where that extra "p" represents the momentum of an object.

This equation follows from Einstein's blockbuster Theory of Relativity, and is essential for calculations on everything from rocketry to celestial orbits and galactic movements.  Here is some of Einstein's supporting work proving the truth of E=MC.

This algebraic equation revolutionized how scientists understood gravity by describing this force as a warping space and time.

Einstein showed with his equations that space and time are warped by mass and velocity — suggesting the possibility of time travel.

Einstein, however, also showed us that what would be needed for time travel would be a spaceship that could go faster than light. The only hitch is that he also proved the impossibility of anything with mass traveling faster than light.

He showed all this with algebraic equations.

Einstein used Algebra to unlock the structure of the universe.

I believe that if we were ever to encounter a higher life form from another part of the universe, the language we would have to speak to them is mathematics.

Math is the language of the universe.  Math is the key to human progress. Without math, we’d still be living in the Stone Age.

Nothing important beyond a mud hut can be built without mathematical calculations — not superhighways, not your car, not airplanes, not your home, not even a kitchen cabinet – certainly not your computer and all the software and devices you are using. You can’t do anything advanced without Algebra.

When you hear people say “I hate math,” what they are really saying is that they have no interest in being part of human progress, no interest in contributing to the advancement of civilization and the betterment of mankind.

Contrast this with how Elon Musk thinks.  For Elon, knowledge is of real value.

Knowledge is the currency that matters.  For Elon, money flows in almost automatically because of the knowledge he's attained with his "learning mindset" and ferocious work ethic.

People invest money in Elon (throw money at him) as fast as they can because they have faith in him.  They believe in his vision.  We know he's a whole lot smarter than we are.  They see his track-record of success.

We also know he will continue to fail – fail often.  His rockets will blow up on the launch pad. 

But we believe he knows where he's going.  I've certainly made a lot of money investing in Elon – not even really understanding his business model or vision.  I just think to myself:  "I want to ride along with Elon and see where it all ends up."

He's not trying to make more money for himself.  He'll probably be worth $200 billion by the time you read this page.

Elon is motivated by much bigger goals. Once you've piled up your first $3 million or so, you start having higher aspirations. 

The money is just a means to an end for Elon.  It's a means to save humankind.  It's a means to extend human consciousness beyond the life of our planet.  That's the goal that gets Elon up early every morning.

Try to be like Elon.

No, you're not likely to achieve Elon's level.  He's a special person with unique talents and skills. But you can try to be like Elon at a lower level.  I try to be like Elon at my level of capability.

One area I think I'm better in than Elon is fitness.  Elon's weight fluctuates enormously.  I would like to see Elon pay more attention to his health and fitness so he can maximize his lifespan and deliver even more benefits to humankind.

The Fastest Way to Learn is to Slow Down

I mentioned earlier that the first key to learning anything is to make a DECISION to learn it.

First, you must decide what you want to learn.

You can’t learn everything.  You probably would not want to learn both the piano and the guitar at the time.

You would have to choose one or the other – because your time is limited.

Then you would have to make a real COMMITMENT to learn it.

You also need to find great teachers and coaches.

Nothing will kill your motivation to learn more than a lousy teacher.  Sadly, there are plenty of bad teachers out there.

At the same time, there is no greater inspiration to learn a difficult subject or skill than a great teacher.

My dad was an English Literature professor at Dartmouth for 40 years until he retired.

When I was asking him what college courses I should take and what I should major in, he told me – don’t worry so much about that.  Instead, find out who the best professors are and make sure you take those classes.

Ask the seniors who they think the best professors are.  The same names will keep coming up.

Make sure you take those classes because these great teachers will inspire you to learn the material – to love the subject.

My dad was a great professor.  He would have 1,000 students sign up for his classes.  His lectures were riveting – also packed with jokes.  Very funny.

He also knew how to simplify a complex idea or subject so an eight-year old could understand it. And he’d always illustrate concepts and ideas with anecdotes, stories, and jokes.

A great teacher, a great coach is your shortcut to learning any subject or skill quickly.  The great teacher will explain why you need to learn this skill and exactly what you need to learn first, then next, and then next after that.

The great teacher makes learning exciting and fun.

Also important to know is that some people learn at a slower pace than others.

These people who learn at a slower pace often think of themselves as stupid – maybe even learning disabled.

Why do some people seem to learn so quickly?  Why does it take me so long to read a book?  Why is it taking me so long to learn this material while others just seem to breeze through it with ease?

Well, very often people who seem to be slow learners and slow readers are actually the most intelligent people.

These are people who tend to think about things much more deeply.

My Dartmouth professor father had an IQ of 140.  He was also a slow reader.  Of course, he was often reading difficult books. He was reading philosophers, literature, history.

He would be taking notes as he read on index cards.  This is where I got my routine of having a stack of index cards so I could take notes when reading books. Often my dad would seem to be reading the same book for weeks.

Meanwhile, my mom seemed to be able to breeze through books in no time.  But she was reading mostly novels and light material.

The difference was my mom was reading for entertainment.

My dad was thinking deeply about the material he was reading.  My dad was reading so he could write his own books on the material, teach the material, and have original things about it to say.

My dad sure seemed to be a slow reader.  But he also internalized the material.  He had an encyclopedic knowledge of history, philosophy and literature.

He was the best debater I’ve ever seen in person because of his encyclopedic knowledge of so many different subjects – so much so that it was hard to find other Dartmouth professors willing to debate him – whether it was a debate about the existence of God, some political issue, economics, or whatever.  He just seemed to know more than anyone else.

People who seem to have race car brains – for whom school seems easy – also tend not to be the deep thinkers, the big thinkers, even though they get all A's in school.

If you are speeding along the road at 80 MPH, you are getting a different view of the road than if you are when you walk along the road slowly.  When you walk along the road, you notice things along the road you’ll miss if you are speeding along in a car.

Albert Einstein’s parents thought he had a learning disability because he was very slow to learn to talk.  Though he was always a very good math student, he was not good in other subjects.  When he took the entrance exam to get into a polytechnic school in Zurich, he flunked.  He did great on the math part, but failed the botany, zoology, and language sections.

Einstein later said the reason he did so poorly in school is because he hated the rote method of learning – which he said discouraged real thinking.  So school just wasn’t interesting to him.

He was thinking about other things – big things.  He was thinking that Isaac Newton’s theories about gravity could not reconcile the laws of classical mechanics with the laws of the electromagnetic field.

Einstein was rejected for admission to a doctorate academic program.  The people in charge of admissions just didn’t think Einstein was smart enough – didn’t think he could do the work.

So young Einstein had little choice but to work in a low-level job in the government patent office.

But at night, he worked on a series of papers that revolutionized Physics and how we now understand the universe – including his blockbuster Special Theory of Relativity.  He taught us that there was no such thing as absolute time or space.

He then applied his Theory of Relativity to model the structure of the universe.

Other theories he came up with while working at the patent office: He showed that light could be conceived as particles as well as waves. He proved the existence of atoms and molecules.

He also demonstrated an equivalence between energy and mass described by the most famous equation in all of physics: E = MC².

His papers were then published in a prestigious academic journal.  His doctoral thesis was finally accepted.  He was awarded his PhD by the University of Zurich.

At first, the world of science and math did not see Einstein’s greatness.  Einstein’s papers and theories initially baffled scientists. 

They really did not understand what he was saying and didn’t think his theories could be proven – even though he proved them mathematically.  A few more years passed before he finally landed a job as a lecturer at the University of Bern.

More than another decade passed before Einstein was finally awarded the Nobel Prize and became widely regarded as the greatest scientific thinker ever.

Einstein appeared to be a slow learner because he was such a deep thinker.  He was just thinking on a completely different level than everyone else.

So if you seem to be a slower learner than others, don’t worry about that.  Very likely it’s because you are learning the material more thoroughly and you are thinking about it more deeply.

How to Develop Motivation

Learning any difficult skill or subject is painful.

So this means the first STEP to learning any new subject, craft, or skill is MOTIVATION.

The prospect of walking into a job that pays you $80,000 to $100,000 per year is pretty good motivation for most young people.

But how do you STAY MOTIVATED day in and day out?

The way I have always tried to do this is to develop an actual relationship with my FUTURE SELF.

For most of us, our Future Self is an abstraction – not a real person.

I'm age 65, so I am my Future Self right now.

Your FUTURE SELF will be here much sooner than you think.

What I have always done is imagine what my Future Self will look like.  What will life be like for my Future Self?

Will my Future Self thank my PAST SELF for putting in all this work to allow this version of my Future Self to become a reality?

In my case, I think the answer to this question is yes.  I'm satisfied with my life and what I've achieved.

Did I do everything perfectly?

Nope?  Absolutely not.

But I made enough right decisions and put in the work, so my Future Self (now) is fine.  Could it be better?  Could I have achieved more?  Sure.   But overall, I'm very satisfied with life at age 65. 

I'm well into the top one percent for my age in terms of wealth.  I'm in good health, have a great wife, have a great life.

Remember, your PRESENT SELF will quickly become your FUTURE SELF.  Your PAST SELF will no longer exist.

This section of this book is mainly for young people in their teens or early twenties.

Who will your Future Self be?

Will your Future Self be in that $80,000 per year starting salary job?  Or will your Future Self still be pretty much what you are now, only older . . . and running out of options, perhaps still bagging groceries at the supermarket and really getting nowhere?

For me, imagining and actually having a relationship with my Future Self really helped keep me motivated to do the daily work required to allow a successful Future Self to come into being.

I would actually have conversations with my Future Self – conversations with the version of what I wanted my Future Self to be.  My Future Self then became not just an impersonal abstraction, almost a stranger – but is actually me, hopefully just a vastly improved version of me.

Sometimes I would even write letters to my Future Self that would say something like: “Dear Future Self, please tell me all this hard work I’m doing now learning this skill, learning this material is going to pay off.  Tell me about what lies ahead in the light at the end of this tunnel.”

My Future Self would become my pen pal.  You can do this by making this part of a journal you should be keeping. That’s a great way to turn your Future Self into someone real – the Future You, who really is real. 

You have a Future Self.  The question is: Who is your Future Self?  Well, he's you.  But how is he living?  How is he doing in life?

If you don’t have a relationship with your Future Self, if you don’t deeply care about your Future Self, you won’t be able to stay motivated to do the work, day in and day out.

STEP TWO is you need a concrete, specific reason for putting in all this hard work.

What will learning this new skill or subject matter allow you to accomplish?

But now you might say:  "Well, what about all those subjects they have me learning in school – like math, like Algebra and Calculus?  I don’t want to be a mathematician. I want to be an artist or a writer."

My answer to that is: Why do you go to the gym to lift weights and work out on the exercise equipment?

After all, you aren’t lifting weights and running on exercise equipment throughout your regular day.  You probably aren't going to become a professional weightlifter or treadmill runner or Stairmaster doer.

You are going to the gym and using this equipment because it develops your body – makes you physically stronger, makes you look better, gives you more energy and endurance, makes you feel better.

Learning math does this for your brain.  It’s like exercise for the brain.

By learning and practicing math problems, you are forcing your brain into thinking in a different way than you are used to thinking.  You are building brand new neuro-pathways (called dendrites) in your brain that make you smarter.

There are many studies that show that people who have good-to-excellent math skills are better at solving problems, recognize patterns more quickly, and just function much better in life.  People who have good math skills are less likely to default on their mortgage, less likely to run up big credit card debts, less likely to go bankrupt, less likely to have tax problems and get in trouble with the IRS. 

People who have good math skills just tend to be more logical and precise in their thought process.

So even if you have no plans to use your math skills in your career – maybe you plan to be an artist or a dancer – there are still plenty of good reasons to become good at math . . . just like there are great reasons to go to the gym and work out three or five days per week even if you have no plans to become a professional athlete.

But the odds are – especially in this age where technology is so dominant – that you will need your math skills.

If you want to become involved in technology or engineering at any high level, you will need math.

You have often heard it said: "Just follow your passion."

While it certainly helps to love what you are doing and it's much easier to learn material you are fascinated by, it's frankly pretty tough to be passionate about the Algebra or Calculus problem sets you are struggling through.

That’s often very hard work, and frankly not fun at all.

But . . . we also tend to develop a passion for skills and subject areas we master.

It takes a gymnast thousands of hours of practice to be able to land a backflip on a balance beam consistently.

The day-in-and-day-out practice and often drudgery (replete with injuries and broken bones) is not fun.

The passion is the achievement of the skill.  Climbing Mount Everest is no fun.  It’s grueling and painful.

But reaching the summit is exhilarating. That’s where the passion comes from.  It comes from the quest to master the skill or the mountain or discipline . . . and then actually mastering it.

Let’s say two people decide they want to become a doctor.

Let’s say the reason one of them wants to become a doctor is his father was a doctor, so he wants to do what his father did, wants to continue this family tradition.

Okay.  That’s one motivation.  And it’s a good motivation.

But let’s say the reason the other student wants to become a doctor is because she comes from a Third World country.  Her parents and a number of her siblings and relatives died from cholera or some disease because there was almost no medicine or health care in that village where she was from.

So she’s decided she wants to become a doctor so she can go back to her village to help the people she loves have medicine and good health care. 

Which of these two people has the stronger motivation to become a great doctor?

And which of these two people is most likely to become the superior doctor?

The strength of your MOTIVE in undertaking a challenge is really a key factor in determining whether you will be successful.  It’s not your intelligence, not your IQ score, not your natural talent.  It’s the strength of your MOTIVATION – it’s the strength of the WHY you have decided to take on this mission, this quest.

It’s a mission that has become a PASSION because of the MOTIVE behind it.

Elon Musk is motivated to colonize Mars and other planets and solar systems because he wants to turn humans into an interplanetary species, so if life becomes uninhabitable here on Earth, we will have other places to go.  He also wants to extend human consciousness forever – which is part of what his Neuralink project is about.

He believes our human consciousness and mind can be transferred to superior bodies – perhaps similar to replicants in the Blade Runner movie.

That's powerful motivation.  It's motivation so powerful that Elon is now the richest man in the world even though he doesn't really care much about money – at least not for money's sake.

His goals are much bigger. Money is the means to a much bigger goal and vision.

His goals are far beyond what most of us can imagine.

But the point is PASSIONS are fleeting. MOTIVES are much more concrete and specific – and therefore strong and long-lasting, if the motive is really strong.  You need a strong motive . . . a strong reason for why you are undertaking something difficult.

So if you are going to learn anything difficult or substantial, you need MOTIVATION to learn it.

Developing this relationship with my Future Self, really caring about my Future Self, seeing my Future Self as a real person out there (actually ME!) has always helped keep me motivated to do the work day-in-and-day out.

My goal is always to become a better version of me.  I also want to leave something of lasting value behind when I’m gone.  That’s why I write.

My hope with this book is to help young people achieve their goals and live fulfilling lives generations from now.

For me, that's strong motivation at this point in my life.  I'm looking to leave a legacy for when I'm gone – not anywhere near Elon's level. 

I'm not trying to transform humans into an interplanetary species and extend human consciousness forever.  I'll let Elon do that.  I'm not in a competition with Elon.  I'm in a competition with me.

I try to be like Elon, but on a much smaller scale.  My goal and motivation at this point in life is to help make life better for my kids, grandkids, and anyone who is interested in the ideas in this book.

Part 6: "Soft Skills" You Need to Succeed

Work on Your "Likeability" If  You Want Success

People who are likeable tend to be far more successful in life than people who are, loners, unfriendly, unhappy, bullies, shy, cranky, snarky, selfish, surly, gossipy, lazy, mean, or who complain a lot.

No one likes these kinds of people.  People avoid them.  These kinds of people tend not to win the game of Life.

This is not just my observation.  Research confirms the fact that likeable people tend to be the most successful.

The Gallup Organization conducted a study on the type of candidate who usually wins Presidential elections.

In every election since 1960, with the exception of Richard Nixon in 1968 and 1972, the most likeable candidate won.

Nixon was able to overcome his lack of likeability in 1968 and 1972 by exuding competence and knowledge.

Clearly, both Hubert Humphrey and George McGovern were more likeable than Nixon as people. But people believed Nixon was the most competent and really understood the job.

So the people elected Nixon twice, even though they really did not like him much as a person.

But he’s the exception.

The rule is that the most accurate predicator of who will win the Presidential election is: who the voters see as more likeable.

JFK was more likeable than Nixon in 1960.

Jimmy Carter really had almost no qualifications for the job of President, but won over the sitting President Gerald Ford because Carter was so likeable.  Reagan was among the most liked Presidents in modern history. Even those who disagreed with Reagan liked him. He won two landslide election victories.

Bill Clinton was also very likeable. He defeated George Herbert Walker Bush in 1992, not because people disliked Bush. But they saw Bush as detached and a bit aloof.

Bill Clinton went on to win reelection in 1996 by defeating the notoriously cranky Bob Dole.

Dole was actually a great person and very funny in one-on-one conversation.  I wrote speeches for Dole.  He was a war hero, was badly wounded in combat by German artillery in World War Two.

But in public, he came across as a bit cranky.  He would say things like: "Stop lying about my record."

So Bob Dole lost badly to Bill Clinton in 1996.

George W. Bush was more likeable than either Al Gore in 2000 or John Kerry in the 2004 elections.

Gore should have won in 2000. The economy was booming and he was the sitting Vice President. But he just wasn’t very likeable.

In the 2012 election, polls told us that more voters agreed with Mitt Romney’s economic policies than with Barack Obama’s.  More than half of voters wanted Obamacare repealed.  Most voters were more in alignment with Mitt Romney’s political philosophy than Obama’s.

But polls showed that Obama won the election primarily because he was more likeable than Romney.

Not that people disliked Romney or thought he wasn’t a good guy. But they did not see him as in touch with their world, with their concerns and worries. He did not come across as empathetic.

The all-time world champion at coming across as empathetic was Bill Clinton.

He was famous for saying “I feel your pain.” 

I met President Clinton once at a reception.  I never voted for Clinton.  I’m a Republican.  I built my career as a speechwriter and fundraiser for the Republican side.

But President Clinton, even though he knew I was a Republican, treated me like I was his best friend.

He didn’t just shake my hand; he put his other hand on my shoulder and looked my right in the eye while talking to me.   Even though he knew I was a Republican, he asked for my opinion of his speech. He said he thought there was a lot in the speech I would like.

Bill Clinton was a master politician. He made everyone he came into contact with feel like they were his best friend.

You might think that it’s phony. I don’t think it’s phony. I think that’s really who Bill Clinton is.

He wants to be liked.  He wants even someone like me, who he knew would never vote for him, to like him.  I do like Bill Clinton. I would love to have had dinner with Bill Clinton or play a round of golf with Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton is just someone everyone likes to be around.

A Columbia University study by Psychology Professor Melinda Tamkins tells us that the most important factor determining success in the workplace is not your intelligence, or your skills, or even who you know, but whether you are liked by your fellow co-workers.

In her study, Professor Tamkins found that workers who were the most liked by their peers were seen as trustworthy, motivated, serious, decisive and hard-working. These workers were the ones who got the promotions and pay raises.

Those who were less liked by their peers were perceived as untrustworthy, conniving, manipulative. These people received fewer promotions and pay raises, even if they had superior qualifications and skills.

Another study by the University of California reveals that doctors spend significantly more time with patients they like. The result: more likeable patients receive superior medical treatment. Doctors are more likely to encourage the likeable patients to return for checkups and more likely to return a likeable patient’s phone calls.

Hospital staff will spend more time educating the likeable patients than patients who are not especially likeable.

So likeable people are literally more likely to live longer than a less likeable person because the more likeable person is more likely to get better health care.

Call that unfair.  Call that discrimination.   But it's life.

I really don't believe there's any such thing as fair or unfair.  Each of us has obstacles and handicaps in our path that we must figure out how to overcome.  Each of us has superpowers we can also tap into.

Those who are best at overcoming obstacles and tapping into their superpowers tend to win the game of Life – tend to win the competition with ourselves. 

A professor of mine at Dartmouth College once pointed this truth out to me as well. He said: “You know, Mr. Hart, it’s not the straight-A students who will be tomorrow’s captains of industry. It’s mostly the B students who will be running things later in life.”

He said the A students will go on to become professors, researchers, and software engineers. But they are generally not the ones running the large corporations and organizations.

The straight-A student is a straight A student because they are so into their subject that they scarcely have time for people.  So they tend not to develop people skills.

This is not an argument against getting A's in school, or even straight A's if you can.

It’s an argument for making sure you also develop people skills.

When I talk to college admissions directors or employers, the most important question they want answered about a prospective student or employee is this one: “Is he or she a good person?”

An employer wants to know: Will this person work well in a team?  Will this person fit in well with the group? Will we like having this person around?  Will we like seeing this person every day?

Is this person friendly and outgoing?  Will this person brighten up the room just by walking in?

This is the kind of person employers want to hire. This is the kind of student colleges want to add to their campuses.

By the way, likeable does not mean being a member of the “in-crowd” at school.

You might remember the film Mean Girls.

This was a movie about the “in crowd” at school — the supposedly popular people . . . who become part of the “in-crowd” by putting other people down and doing nasty things to others.

I don’t mean these kinds of people.  I mean the opposite of these kinds of people.

In fact, cliquishness is a very undesirable trait.  Instead of making the new kid in school feel welcome, cliquish people try to exclude people.  Cliquish people are unwelcoming.

They are the opposite of likeable.

If you're a boy who has never been mocked by a 14-year-old girl who is part of the "in crowd," you don't know what it's like to be mocked.

This is when the somewhat nerdy 14-year-old boy (me back then) walks up to the 14-year-old girl and says: "Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to go to the dance with me this Saturday."

She then answers with a look of disgust on her face and says with dripping sarcasm: "Whaaaat?  So you want to go to the dance this Saturday with meeeeee?"

Then she turns to her circle of "in crowd" friends, and they all burst out into hysterical laughter simultaneously.

That's world-class mockery right there. If you haven't experienced this, you've never really been mocked.

Fortunately for me, one of my superpowers is being almost impervious to mockery.

I then just answer:  "Oh, okay.  I'll take that as a 'No' then.  Have a great day.  Maybe I'll see you there."

The best answer to mockery is to pretend you don't even know you're being mocked. Just be nice.  Just be friendly, project confidence – like nothing negative just happened.

So don’t confuse being likeable with being part of the “in crowd.”

What you want people to think of when they see you coming is that you are a really nice person, always smiling, always friendly, always trying to help, always looking to include others in what you are doing — welcoming. Never putting anyone down.

And here’s some good news.

Being likeable might not come naturally for you.  But it is a skill that can be learned.

I, for example, have both ADHD and a mild case of Asperger’s Syndrome.

Asperger’s is basically a mild form of autism.

So if I’m not careful, it’s very easy for me to retreat into my own world — just focusing on what I’m doing, without concern for what’s happening around me.

A bomb could go off outside and I wouldn’t hear it if I were absorbed in my work.

On the other hand, I also have ADHD — Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder — which, in some ways, has the opposite effect of Asperger’s.

The ADHD makes it almost impossible for me to pay attention to what someone is saying to me if I'm not much interested in the subject matter.  My eyes will dart around the room. I won’t hear what that person is saying . . . UNLESS I make a conscious decision to focus on what that person is saying, even if I’m not all the interested in what they are talking to me about.

Or what sometimes happens is that person will say something interesting, so then I will focus my thinking entirely on that one interesting thought, mulling it over and over again in my mind, and pay no attention to the rest of what that person is saying . . . again, UNLESS I make a conscious decision not to do that.

Many highly intelligent people have Asperger’s and ADHD – or even both. 

Probably most entrepreneurs have ADHD.  The reason they are entrepreneurs is they’ve probably been fired from regular jobs they’ve had, so had no choice but to become an entrepreneur.  Many great scientists, thinkers, artists, writers, innovators, and leaders have had Asperger’s — Albert Einstein, for example — probably also Beethoven, Mozart, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Henry Ford, Van Gough. The list goes on.

So these disorders are really not such a big deal. But you have to take specific steps to overcome them — or you’ll probably end up a social misfit. And that’s not going to help you in life.

Because of my mild Asperger’s, my tendency is to be very happy as a loner.  I have no problem going for weeks and months not seeing anyone other than Wanda.  I don't like to talk on the phone.  I don't like meetings.  I don't like receptions, luncheons, or parties much.

But I won't get clients that way.  I’m not going to bring in much business that way. I won’t be able to close sales and bring in the money that way.  My clients won’t be clients long if I come across as distant, aloof, and unconcerned with their problems.

I needed to find a way to overcome my Asperger’s Syndrome – to become more like Bill Clinton.

This is where my stack of 3×5″ index cards comes in again.

When you meet someone new, take an index card out of your pocket and write that person’s name down.

When someone you are talking with says something interesting, take out an index card and write the idea down.

Do this right in front of the person you are talking with.

Not only will doing this help focus your attention on what the person is telling you and help you remember what that person told you, but this will be flattering to that person.

By taking the index card out of your pocket, and saying “That’s a great thought, let me write that down,” you are telling that person you consider what they are telling you immensely important and worth remembering.

No one wants to feel like they are talking to a wall.

Everyone hopes that what they are saying is interesting, important, worthwhile.

By taking your index card out and actually taking notes on what that person is saying, you are telling that person what they are saying is interesting and important.

You are forcing yourself to be engaged in the conversation — truly actively engaged.

And that’s probably the #1 factor for being likeable — actively engaging other people in conversation.

To be actively engaged, you must listen intently to what the person in front of you is saying.  Don’t let your mind wander.

This is how you become a great conversationalist. 

The key to being a great conversationalist is to listen intently to what the person is saying who is talking to you.

When you see people, have a smile on your face. Ask them how they are doing? Ask them how their ski trip was? Be conversational.  Be confident.  Look happy.  Look alive. Have energy and enthusiasm.

When you walk, don’t shuffle along looking down at the floor. Stride forth with confident steps that make you look like you have a valid claim on existence.

I once encountered a cranky worker at McDonald’s. I was there ordering breakfast at 7 a.m.

This young lady looked like she was maybe 17 years old.  Her name tag told me her name is Heather.  She just had this sour, cranky look on her face, and wasn’t the least bit friendly.

I asked her if she was having a bad morning. I didn’t ask in a confrontational way. I was just curious.

Maybe her dog “Fluffy” had died or something. That was the look she had.

But she said: “I’m just tired.”

I said, “I’m sure it’s tough getting here at 6 in the morning,” so I expressed empathy.  But then I said: “Here’s how to think of your job that might give you a fresh perspective. First, you are very fortunate to have this job. There are lots of people out there who would love to have this job. But more importantly, you are actually the most important person working for McDonald’s. Did you know that?

Her ears perked up. She finally looked up at me.

She said: “Really? How?”

Well, because you are the most important person working for McDonald's to me and to everyone else you serve today.  You are the only person I will encounter from the McDonald’s corporation today or probably this week. This means you are representing the McDonald’s corporation to me and everyone you serve. So this is really not just a job, is it? To me and everyone you serve today and this week and this month, you are the McDonald’s corporation.

That’s what I mean by saying that of the tens of thousands of McDonald’s employees, you are the most important employee . . . because you are the most important McDonald’s employee to me.”

She answered: “I never really thought of my job this way — as something important.”

I answered that “Your job is very important. And it’s very important that you at least pretend you are happy to see the customer, even if you are feeling tired and not especially thrilled with life today. Remember, your customers have many choices. They could go to Burger King or Dunkin' Donuts next door.  But they are choosing to come here. And people are more likely to keep coming here for breakfast if they feel welcome.”

She thanked me for my little talk and apologized.

Well, Heather really cleaned up her attitude after that. Whenever I went back to that McDonald’s, she always greeted me with a smile and said “Hello Mr. Hart!’

She did that not just with me, but with every customer. She moved quickly and with a bounce in her step. Always asked people how they were doing.

She received a McDonald’s “Employee of the Month” award.  It wasn’t long before she was promoted to Assistant Manager and was training the new employees.

This would not have happened had she continued with her surly, low-energy demeanor.

Newton's Third Law of Motion states that "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

This is true for the physical world.  But for your interactions with people, which involve the mind and perception, your actions often trigger disproportionate reactions that cascade out in many directions – both negative and positive "pin action."

People like smiles, high energy, conversational, cheerful.  People want to feel welcome.

Conversations can be short. You don’t want to be annoying either. Never drone on.

Just say, with a smile: “How are you today, Mr. Smith?”

I believe having a great smile is very important.  Not that you want a smile permanently plastered on your face like the Joker. That doesn’t look real or genuine. But people love to see a smile. A smile indicates approval, indicates happiness, indicates energy, aliveness.  Going from straight face to big smile in reaction to what someone is saying delivers big positive energy.

If someone smiles at you from across the room, your inclination probably is to make your way over there to say “Hello.”

Barack Obama has a great smile. I believe that’s one of the big keys to his success in life. People want to like him, want to think the best of him. Same with Reagan, same with Bill Clinton. They all had great smiles.

What you want to be is a “Life-Enhancer”, not a “Well Poisoner.”

I put people into essentially three categories.

There’s the Life Enhancer, the Lawn Mower, and the Well-Poisoner.

I got this formulation from Amway founder Rich DeVos.

I liked it, so I'm borrowing it.

Most people are “Lawn Mowers.”

These are perfectly good people. They are good citizens. They go to work every day. They pay their taxes and probably vote.

They keep their lawns mowed, their homes painted and looking good.

Nothing at all wrong with these people.

But you don’t really notice them. They don’t stand out. They aren’t doing big things in life.

The world won’t miss them much when they are gone.  This is what most people are — “Lawn Mowers.”

But they are a whole lot better than the “Well Poisoners.”

These are the people you definitely want to avoid.  These are the negative people, the gossips, the people who are always running others down.

They’re the complainers, the bellyachers. They are more interested in tearing down than building.

Almost always, the “Well Poisoner” ends up destroying himself, poisoning his own well.

Unfortunately, the “Well Poisoner” can also take a lot of other people down along the way.

What you want to be is a “Life Enhancer.”

“Life Enhancers” make life better for everyone they come in contact with.

They light up every room they enter.  They inspire others to become better.

For example, there are some great quarterbacks in the NFL who have more than just great football skills.

A big part of what makes them great is they make everyone around them better also.

Peyton Manning was a quarterback like that.

The opposite of Peyton Manning were players like wide receivers Tyrrell Owens and Randy Moss.

Tyrrell Owens and Randy Moss had great athletic talent and skills. They could have been among the greatest wide receivers to ever play the game because of their great athletic talent.

The problem was they were “Well Poisoners.” They made the players around them worse because of their selfishness and self-centeredness. They sowed dissention, complained all the time.  Randy Moss was famous for his surly demeanor and not running his pass patterns at full speed much of the time.

Owens constantly blamed the quarterback for losses — the very person he depended on to throw him the ball. Owens was often not on speaking terms with his own quarterback.

Owens and Moss had great individual pass-catching statistics, but teams could not stand having them around for more than a couple of seasons.  Then they were traded or just let go. 

These are not people you want on your team, no matter how great their individual skill level.

You would much rather have the player with less talent and less skill, but who raises the level of everyone else’s play by his leadership and infectious enthusiasm.

“Life Enhancers” are those who bring out the best in everyone who comes in contact with them.

“Life Enhancers” help and encourage others — teach others.

One of my favorite friends growing up was named Pete Murphy.  We met in 1970 when he was age 11 and I was age 12.

Both of us were junior ski racers in Vermont.  But Pete was by far the best ski racer his age in America at that point — actually, by far the best 11-year old ski racer in the world.  He was winning all of our races by many seconds.  No one our age was close to this kid in a slalom or giant slalom course.

At that point, I was a middle-of-the-pack ski racer in Vermont.

Pete did not know who I was.

To me, this kid was like Babe Ruth or Michael Jordon for our age group.  He was basically the Tiger Woods of kids ski racing of that era.

One day, I found myself going up the chair lift with Pete.

He was a super nice, very friendly kid — not the least big cocky.  I asked him if he would mind if I skied behind him so that I might be able to learn from him what he’s doing that I’m not.

He said sure. And I ended up skiing all day behind this superstar 11-year-old skier.

We were getting along really well.  Then he asked me if I’d be interested in going out to Colorado with him to ski in some races out there in a couple of weeks.

There was a lot of curiosity over how the best 12-year-old ski racer in the West would stack up against Pete. The best kid skier in the West was named Billy Griffith.

So I said “Sure.”  I got permission from my parents and went to Colorado with Pete and his dad.

The huge benefit to me was I got to ski behind Pete for a solid week.  He also gave me all kinds of tips and pointers. Plus, we just had a blast.

Pete dominated the races out there, beating the West’s best 12-year-old skier by a wide margin.  But I was suddenly consistently finishing in 3rd or 4th place — well up from my middle-of-the-pack status — all because of the generosity of that 11-year-old superstar prodigy ski racer Pete Murphy.

This kid was friendly to everyone — always welcoming, smiling, encouraging.  He never tried to impress anyone with how “cool” he was.  He always looked to help others become better skiers.  Always offered to buy me and other kids a chocolate milk or a donut in the cafeteria line. I have never met a nicer, more generous 11-year-old.

Pete was and still is a “Life Enhancer.”

For whatever reason, Pete plateaued as a ski racer. He was still always an outstanding racer, was a U.S. Ski Team Member, one of the top racers in the country. But others caught up to him as they got older, stronger and figured out what Pete was doing.   I also learned later that Pete had chronic asthma, which hampered him on the longer adult race courses.

Pete went on to become a highly successful entrepreneur in St. Johnsbury, Vermont.

His dad owned two small motels along I-91 in St. Johnsbury.   His dad came from nothing.  But he managed, over time, to buy these two small motels.

Pete learned how to run the motels profitably from his Dad. 

As an adult, Pete started buying more motels and hotels.

He built a very large 143-room Comfort Inn in St Johnsbury.  He bought more commercial properties all up and down the East Coast and in Florida, mostly hotels and strip malls.

I don't know how much he's worth today. A lot.

Once a year, Pete still hosts our ski racing crew at his two places in Vail, Colorado.  He's still super humble – hasn't changed one bit from the sunny, happy 11-year-old ski racing phenom he was.

I asked him how he was able to acquire all these hotels and commercial properties.  He said: "Just did it one at a time.  I guess I have a head for numbers. And it really is true that the key to successful real estate investment is location, location, location.  That's pretty much all there is to it."

This is what happens to Life Enhancers. They tend to succeed in life.  Karma really does work.

Be a “Life Enhancer.”

How to Explain Things 

Knowing how to explain things in an interesting way that grabs the attention of your listener is an important life success skill.  It's another skill that's easy to learn.

When you are explaining something, start with the bottom line of why are talking at all and why people should pause and listen.  What is the benefit to them of listening to what you have to say?

For example . . .

"Hey, I lost 10 pounds over the last 30 days.  Do you want to hear how I did it?"

"I found this amazing piano teacher.  I was a rank beginner.  But in 60 days, she had me playing Mozart."

"Wanda and I found this great steakhouse downtown.  If you like great steak, you should check out this place.  It's also on the waterfront, so has a great view."

Don't start with a lot of detail and background.  That's just droning on.  People won't even listen to what you're saying.  Get right to the bottom-line point first.  The bottom-line point must contain the benefit to the listener of continuing to listen.

A guy I know is a movie buff.  He's a nice guy.  But he's constantly explaining the entire plot of movies he's just seen.  He just drones on about the film.

If I've just seen a great film, here's how I do it:

"Saw this amazing movie the other night called True Romance.  A real shocker.  Have you seen it?"

ANSWER:  "No.  What's it about?"

"Well, Wanda and I were flipping through the channels.  I came across this movie called True Romance.  So I thought 'This looks like something Wanda will like – probably a romantic comedy.'  Turned out to be a real bloodbath, but it was great. It's one of Tarantino's first films, very well written if you don't mind the bloodbath parts.  I actually think this might be Tarantino's best film along with Pulp Fiction.  Excellent."

Then if your listeners want more info, they can ask.

Don't drone on with a lot of detail.  The details can come out in answers to questions.

Think of your opening line for what you are about to say as like a headline on a news article or advertisement.

What is the purpose of a headline?

To grab attention – to give us the bottom-line point of what the article is about, so you click and read.

When Steve Jobs and Apple first launched the iPod, the marketing challenge was to quickly explain to the average person what an iPod was.

This was a new kind of product that people had not seen before.  How to explain it in a few words that would cause people to want to run out and buy it was the challenge.

The headline for the ad they came up with was: "1,000 Songs in Your Pocket."

The entire benefit is described in just five words.

This is what you want to do in conversation.  If you want to launch into a somewhat lengthy explanation of something, your opening line is like a headline on a news article.

I will often start with a question: "Did you hear about the home invasion down the street?"

The same rule holds for lectures, speeches and public presentations you make.

Begin with the bottom-line point of what you're about to say.

For example, let's say you are trying to get a room full of kids interested in learning Algebra.  After you introduce yourself, you might start this way:

"Why learn Algebra?  Many of you will never use Algebra in your career or in life?  If your goal is to build skyscrapers, bridges, jet planes or launch spaceships, you'll need Algebra.  But maybe your goal is to become an artist, a writer, a musician.  So why bother to learn Algebra?  Why put in all this work to learn a skill most of you won't use much?  Well, one reason is learning Algebra is great training for your brain.  Learning Algebra forces you to think in a way you are not used to thinking.  Learning Algebra will help you think through problems you encounter in life in a logical, systematic way.  Learning Algebra will make you better at solving puzzles, better at solving problems.  You will become more like Dr. Spock in Star Trek.  You will literally become smarter by learning Algebra."

If you're teaching Algebra to a room full of kids, don't just start doing problem sets on the blackboard.

Explain to them why they should even be interested in learning Algebra in the first place.  What is the benefit to them?

Make it sound cool. Make it sound interesting.  What superpowers will learning Algebra give them?

Tell them Algebra enabled us to discover black holes in the universe. 

"What's a black hole?  Well, here's what would happen to Earth if our planet happened to bump into a black hole the size of a penny?

Algebra allowed us to find out about black holes – which are littered throughout the universe."

That's how you make Algebra interesting.

Apply this approach to all your conversations and public presentations.

Get to the bottom-line point of why you are talking right away.  A good way is with a question, such as "Did you hear . . .?" Or "Did you know . . .?"  Or "Have you seen . . ."

These formulations are great ways to introduce a topic or move a conversation in the direction you want to take it. Get to the bottom-line point of why you're talking instantly.

A similar rule applies when answering questions – especially questions that have a "yes" or "no" answer.

Always give the "yes" or "no" bottom-line answer first. Then launch into the explanation.

Example: "Are you saying that if this gas leak isn't fixed quickly, this could cause an explosion and kill everyone in the House?"

Answer: "Yes.  But it's easy to fix.  First, here's how to turn off the gas at the source.  Then we have to call someone to fix the leak."

If you start with the explanation before getting to the bottom line, you'll just frustrate your listener.  You will sound evasive.

Your listener is interested in the bottom-line answer first. 

QUESTION: "Mrs. Smith, did you shoot your husband?"

GOOD ANSWER: "Yes, because he was coming at me with a knife." 

BAD ANSWER: "He was coming at me with a knife.  I tried to run away.  He had me cornered."

QUESTION: "Did I get the job?"

GOOD ANSWER: "Yes, because . . . ."

BAD ANSWER: "Here's what we were looking for.  [List criteria].  You fit all the criteria.  You are exactly who we are looking for.  So, yes, you got the job."

People don't care about the explanation, the background, the details or the context until they hear the bottom-line "yes" or "no" answer first.

How to Write Well

Writing well is easy.  Anyone can do it.  People make writing too complicated.  The purpose of writing is to communicate your point quickly, easily, succinctly.  This is especially true when it comes to business writing – such as writing memos.

Everyone should take a course in basic business writing.

The most important trick is to keep sentences super simple and direct.  "The boy hit the ball" is much better than "The ball was hit by the boy."

Both sentences mean exactly the same thing.  The first sentence is in the active voice.  The second version is in the passive voice.  Whenever possible, write in the active voice.

When someone is lying, they speak in the passive voice.  Instead of saying "I broke the vase," the liar says "the vase was broken."  When I hear someone speak in the passive voice, I immediately suspect that person is lying or trying to evade responsibility.

When many people sit down to write, they believe the purpose is to make themselves sound intelligent and thoughtful. Many academics write in a convoluted style in an effort to make themselves sound brilliant.

But the purpose of writing is to communicate clearly in as simple a way possible.

Write at a sixth-grade level, or even a fourth-grade level.  Write in your own voice, as you actually think and speak.  This will help you overcome writer's block.

People have writer's block because they are struggling to sound intelligent and profound instead of just putting their actual thoughts on the paper.   You can organize your thoughts more logically later.  Just get them on the page.

Assume your reader knows nothing, or almost nothing, about the topic you are writing about.  Each sentence should contain one simple thought, not multiple thoughts.  Each sentence should flow logically from the previous sentence and logically into the next sentence. 

Avoid using lots of commas and parenthetical phrases within sentences.  Break up these long convoluted sentences into two or three separate sentences.

When reading over what you have written, look for logic and information gaps in what you have written.

Use examples to make your points because people's brains latch onto visual images.

For example, people remember Aesop's Fables.  These short simple stories have been told for 3,000 years.  The story about The Boy Who Cried Wolf makes a much more lasting impression on a child than just saying "Don't lie all the time."

"The Boy Who Cried Wolf" story is short, just 305 words.  It's super simple to understand.

Apply the KISS principle to all your writing – Keep It Super Simple.

The first sentence of whatever you are writing should grab the attention of your reader.  Read the first sentence of this piece to see what I mean.  It states: "Writing well is easy."

This grabs attention because most people think writing is difficult. 

Strip away all unnecessary words in your sentences.  Strip away words like "very."

Include all relevant details.  If you are writing about an event, people want to know the "Five W's" –  Who, What, When Where, and Why.

My favorite writer is Ernest Hemingway.  He writes in a simple direct style.  He writes at a sixth-grade level.  Anyone can understand Hemingway.

A great way to learn how to write well is to read a short story by Hemingway titled A Clean Well-Lighted Place.

This is considered by many the greatest short story of the 20th Century.  The entire story is just 1,450 words long – or about four pages.  Write like that.

How to Talk to Strangers

Knowing how to start and carry a conversation with a stranger is one of the most important skills to have in life.

There is a technique to it.  It's a technique anyone can learn, even if you're naturally an introvert.

Everything I cover here is in Dale Carnegie's classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People.  I also highly recommend the Dale Carnegie sales training and public speaking courses.

But here's a quick summary of the technique.

First, walk up to the person, hold out your hand to shake hands and say: "Hi, I'm John Smith.  What's your name?"

Smile and look the person in the eye while you're doing this.

And that's it.  Then wait for an answer.

If you can do this, you are already better at starting conversations with strangers than 70-80 percent of the population.  Most people can't do this or won't do this because they're shy or feel awkward or don't know what to say next.

Then when the person answers, follow up with: "Where are you from?"

Then listen.

The person might then ask where you are from.  So you answer.

But then follow up with another question.  The art of starting a conversation is really just asking questions and then listening.

Don't sound like you are conducting an interrogation.  Ask non-threatening open-ended questions that give the person an opportunity to expound.

The purpose of the questions is to find something you might have in common.  That's when the conversation takes on a momentum of its own.  Good questions to ask are:

What is your name?

Where did you grow up?

Where do you work?

What do you like to do for fun?

Do you have kids?

Do you like movies?

What kind of movies do you like?

What kind of music do you like?

In this simple list of questions, you are almost certain to find something you have in common that you can talk about.

Mostly, what you do is just listen.  People love to talk about themselves.

Very important is to listen carefully so you can respond to what the person is saying.

Your eyes should not be darting around the room while the person is talking.  Be actively engaged in the conversation.

Keep looking at the person in the eye, but not too intensely because that can come across as creepy.

Ration your looking into their eyes.  Look as though you are thinking carefully about what the person is saying.

Look for a moment into their eyes.  Then look slightly away, perhaps nod, or strike a somewhat pensive look with hand on chin for a moment.  If you just smile and nod in reaction to what the person is saying, that person will think you are a great conversationalist.

Interject an occasional: "Wow! That's interesting" . . . or "Oh yes, I totally agree with you on that" . . . or "Isn't that the truth?"

Indicating agreement with what the person is saying is key to keeping a conversation going – especially in your first conversation.  Do not get into debates with people you don't know well.

Body language is important.  You should look friendly and confident.  People like warm, friendly and confident people, but not cocky.

You should use your hands when you talk.  You want to take up some space.  This projects confidence.  But you don't want to take up too much space.  Don't wave your hands around.  But use your hands and arms when you talk in a natural relaxed way.

Don't put your hands in your pockets.  Don't fold your arms.  This makes you look closed in and cramped.  You want to project openness. 

Avoid jokes.  Unless you are a professional comedian, few people are good at telling jokes.  Attempts at humor can come off as insults.

Studies show that one-third of the population cannot recognize a joke, even if it's a good one.  This is why sitcoms on TV need a canned laugh-track.  Without the laugh track, the audience would not know when to laugh.

So avoid attempts at humor, at least on the first meeting.  Jokes with friends are fine and good.  They know you.

Mostly just let the other person talk.  The great salespeople are great listeners.

Be ready with a question when the person stops talking.  Don't allow awkward dead airtime.

Look for ways to add to the thought the person just expressed. 

If the person says: "This is an amazing event."

You might answer:  "Yes, it sure is.  Have you tried the Cajun shrimp?  They taste amazing."

Never express a complaint or criticism in your first conversation with a stranger.

This is a good rule to follow in general.  People don't want to hear your complaints.

Complaints make you come across as a negative person, a "well poisoner."

No one wants to hear about your aches, your pains, or your problems – especially in the first conversation.

In your first conversation, everything needs to come across as positive, upbeat.  You want to present yourself as a happy person.  Your first conversation should come across as light and casual.

Your job in your first conversation with a stranger is not to entertain, not be the life of the party. 

Eighty percent of your job is just to ask open-ended questions, listen to the answers, look interested, look engaged, and have a welcoming friendly demeanor.

If the other person does 80 percent of the talking in answer to your questions with you listening and looking engaged, that's perfect.  That person will see you as a great conversationalist because people mostly just want to talk about themselves.

What you never want to do is just drone on about yourself.

Let the other person drone on – well, until it becomes insufferable.  At that point, maybe move on and start a conversation with a new stranger.

As you get better at this, you'll want to develop a few prepared stories you practice that say something interesting about you – that get a bit of attention and cause the person to say "Wow!" or "Cool."

It's not absolutely necessary to do this, but this skill can make you an A-level conversationalist.

These short attention-grabbing little stories you prepare in advance should take no longer than 15 seconds to tell.

Example:  "I tried sky-diving last week for the first time. Wow, that was a rush.  Never been so scared in my life.  I've always been terrified of heights.  But sky diving was on my Bucket List, something I just felt I had to do once to make life complete."

You might substitute surfing, skateboarding, skiing, visiting a great winery, taking salsa dance lessons, art lessons, amusing interactions with Alexa, almost anything.  Whatever the story, it should take no longer than 15 seconds to tell. 

Mentioning lessons or a course you are taking is especially good because this shows you are trying to grow as a person.  This then produces questions and more conversation.

Never bring up politics in a conversation with a stranger – unless the stranger brings it up and you are in agreement.  If you are in disagreement, your response will depend on how much you want to continue the conversation.

If you are is disagreement but like the person, you can try to brush aside the politics by saying something like: "My family is split down the middle, 50 percent Democrat, 50 percent Republican.  But we all get along great."

This is literally true for my family. 

As a general rule, you should only talk in five-second clips.  You either ask questions or play off what the other person just said, usually in the form of adding to or extending upon what was just said.

If the other person is a big talker, joker, life-of-the-party type, that's fine. You just roll with it and laugh and smile at the appropriate times.  Let him do all the work.

Though in this kind of situation, I might throw down some break dance moves to really get the party rolling.

That always works to increase energy at a party.

Learn also to pick up on social cues.  If the person you are talking with yawns, looks at watch, keeps scanning the room, doesn't seem to be listening, doesn't seem interested, look for an opportunity to exit the conversation.

It's good to have a few exit lines ready.  Some lines I might use are:

"I think my wife is looking for me.  Let me tell her I'm here."

"A friend of mine just walked in.  I should go over and say hello."

"Well, it's great to meet you.  I hope we cross paths again some time."

Tailor your conversation exit lines to the situation you are in.  "Excuse me, I need to head to the restroom" is well-worn exit line.  Try to avoid using that one because it's so common. 

Now, there will be people you introduce yourself to who won't be friendly at all, won't be interested in talking.  That can produce an awkward moment.  But who cares?

Move onto the next person at the party or the bar or the reception.  There are eight billion people out there.  So lots of options.  If 3 out of 7 people want to have a conversation, that's fine.  Life is a numbers game.

The salesman who starts the most conversations gets the most sales.

When I was in my twenties in my single days, my friends and I would go out to bars and have a contest where we would see how many phone numbers from women we could collect.

Yes, it was a juvenile game, but it was great practice for learning how to start conversations with strangers. The best meet-up line in the world is always: "Hello, my name is Ben.  What's your name?"

Then wait and see what happens.  Look friendly, non-threatening, casual.

I've always worn glasses, not contacts.  This makes me look slightly nerdy, super not-threatening.

This look puts everyone at ease.

As with every skill, starting conversations with strangers requires practice. 

A key skill to practice is being embarrassed.  If you put your foot in your mouth and say something stupid, it's no loss.  You learn from your flubs.  You learn by failing. 

Practice starting conversations with strangers. Practice holding conversations, even if you are not really that interested in the person or the conversation.  Practice looking interested and engaged.

Walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation, then carrying the conversation for a period of time, involves acting – which requires practice.

The more you practice, the better you get at it.

You might think this sounds phony.  It's not phony at all.  It's called civilized behavior.

You often hear people say "Just be yourself."

That's just about the worst piece of advice ever.  Sure, be yourself if you're writing poems or creating art.  But this is not a good approach in professional or most social settings.

If I were to "just be myself," I would never put clothes on.  I'd just walk everywhere in the nude.

Imagine a world where everyone said exactly what's on their mind.  Fights would break out all over the place.  I think there was a funny movie on this theme.

We all had to be taught how to behave when we were children. 

If we had good parents, we were taught not to throw our dinner on the floor if we didn't like it.  We were punished for misbehaving and acting rudely.

Hopefully, we continue to improve our manners as we grow up and become adults.

Eventually, most of us become polite, well-mannered people. 

Learning how to talk with strangers is just an extension of civilized behavior. 

It's a skill we must learn, study and practice to be successful in life.  It's required for making friends, for making sales, for making business contacts, for job interviews, for finding a spouse, and for having a fun and healthy social life.

Knowing how to talk with strangers is one of the most important skills you should learn to master.

Learn How to Sell

This is very much an extension of learning how to start and hold conversations with strangers.

This is what salesmanship is.

Everyone needs to know how to sell even if you are not making your living by sales commissions.

Just because you are not formally in a sales job doesn't mean you don't need to understand "How to Sell."

If you are to land the job you want, you must sell yourself.  In this case, you are the product you are selling.  Another word for "sell' is "persuade" – as in "persuade" someone to do what you want.

This could be persuading someone to buy the product or service you are selling, agree with your idea, accept your advice.  For the most part when you are selling, you are selling you.

Good salesmanship does not involve high-pressure tactics.  This is a turn off.  This is the opposite of good salesmanship.  This is poor salesmanship.

Good sales people do not look desperate – as in the classic Arthur Miller play Death of a Salesman or the play Glengarry Glen Ross by David Mamet – also a great movie starring Jack Lemon.

These are stories about desperate salesmen.  They had to sell to eat.  Their desperation showed.

People don't buy from people who look desperate.

People buy from those they KNOW, LIKE and TRUST.

I compare selling to dating.

Dating is a form of selling.

If I were not married to Wanda and if I were on the dating market,  how would I proceed?

Well, I would not run up to the first attractive woman I see walking down the street and ask her out to dinner.

That would be off-putting.  She doesn't know me, much less like me or trust me at this point.

She's highly unlikely to go out to dinner with this complete stranger who runs up to her on the street.

Instead, the way to find a date is to go to a place where there's likely to be single women who are looking for the same thing.

What's the easiest way to sell hamburgers and hotdogs?

Well, just about the best place would be at a football or baseball game where there's sure to be a lot of hungry people.

The easiest way to sell hamburgers is to sell to a hungry crowd.

In a situation like that, it almost doesn't matter if the hamburgers you are selling are any good.

The crowd is hungry and will take almost any food you are offering.

So if you are on the dating market, a good pool of likely prospects can be found at a night club because that's where single people tend to congregate.  Or perhaps at the gym you go to, a class, your church, the beach.

A yoga or dance class might be a good option.

Go to where the people are.  If you are fishing, go to where there are lots of fish.

You won't find a date by sitting at home.

Sure, you can go on the Internet, try Match.com.  But there's no trust.  Everyone knows that everyone is lying on Match.com.  You'll have much more luck at a dance class, yoga class, art class or night club where your prospects can size you up a bit, where you will have an opportunity to strike up a casual conversation.

The best way to start a conversation is to say "Hello."

Then it's good to notice something about the person, something like: "I really like your earrings.  I'm looking to buy a present for my mom.  Where might I get earrings like those?"

That's a very non-threatening way to start a conversation.  You like the earrings she's wearing and you're looking for a present for your mom for Mother's Day, or her birthday, or for Christmas – whatever the occasion might be.

She almost has to answer your question.

You'll know quickly if she has any interest in you.

Once the conversation is started and both of you seem to be hitting it off, take it to the next level and ask her if she'd like to get a cup of coffee.

Fish where the fish are, not where they aren't.

This is why building your personal network of contacts is so important to your career.

You might have Mark Zuckerberg's coding skills.  But if no one knows who you are, you're not going to get work.  You must put yourself out there.  You must get known.

You must join networks and clubs of people who have similar interests.

If you want a career in technology, join a club for ethical hackers.  Take tech classes.  Go to where you are likely to find tech fanatics.  Develop social skills so you know how to start conversations and make friends.

You just have to put yourself out there. That's almost all there is to salesmanship.

People buy from those they KNOW, LIKE and TRUST.

People prefer not to buy from strangers, prefer to stick with their buying habits.

After three years of unreliability, we finally had to dismiss our swimming pool cleaner.

He was supposed to show up every week to clean our pool and add chemicals, but he only showed up maybe twice a month.

"Why did you wait three years to fire him?" you might ask.

Because we knew him.  We did not want to have to go to the trouble of finding a new pool maintenance service.  That's how hard buying habits are to break.  People buy what they know.  They prefer not to change.

I always buy Crest toothpaste because that's the brand I've always used since I was a kid.

I don't know if Crest toothpaste is any good.  I just keep buying it because that's what I've always used.  I see no real reason to change.  I have not even investigated other brands.  I just assume it's good enough.

People buy what they know.  And they keep buying it – unless something really extreme comes along and alters their buying habits.  That's just how the human animal behaves.

It's just easiest for people to buy from who they know.  I've bought insurance from the same guy for decades.  I don't really know if he's especially good.  Seems nice enough, good enough, seems to answer my questions, so I keep buying from him.

Habit, inertia, momentum take over.  Only if I were to have a just awful experience would I consider changing.

So the first step in selling is to go to where the fish are – to get to know people who have similar interests, who are likely to be interested in buying what you are selling or know people who want what you are selling.

Ideally, you want to be selling hamburgers to a hungry crowd.  That's when the selling is easy.

It's real easy to land a job when a company desperately needs someone with exactly your skill set and you happen to be standing there.

I have never in my life had trouble finding a job.  I've never been unemployed because, over the years, I've built a big network of contacts who want what I'm selling.  In my case, that's direct marketing expertise.

When employers call me to ask about someone they are considering hiring – someone who put my name down as a reference, the most common questions are: "Is Jim trustworthy?  Is he a good person?  Is he reliable?  Does he get along well with others?"

They almost don't even care what Jim's skills are. 

Likeability is what gets your foot in the door.

If people like you, they will have a conversation with you.

Likeability doesn't mean always being the life of the party.  People just like you because of your friendly manner.

TRUST is the final element that allows you to close the sale.

Once they KNOW you, once they LIKE you, the final hurdle is to TRUST you.

TRUST, of course, is a matter of always being honest.  Once you are caught in a lie or even slightly shading the truth, you can never regain trust.

When I'm asked a question by a client, I'll often ask: "Do you want the bad news first or the good news first."

Almost always, people want the bad news first.  People want the truth.  They want the "Good, the Bad, and the Ugly."

I want to know if I have cancer.  I want to know my odds of survival.   If it's terminal, I want to know how long I have so I can get my affairs in order.

When you give people the bad news first, this builds trust.  Always give me the bad news first.

Don't sugarcoat the bad news.

I turn away 90 percent of people who want to buy my services.  I will tell them: "I just don't think mass direct marketing will work for this kind of product," I'll say.  Or "I would not know how to sell this. I don't think I'm the right fit for this project."

I don't want to just take people's money if I don't think I can deliver more net money to them than what they spent on my marketing services.

I will then brainstorm other options with them for free – give them my best advice, for free.

This builds trust.

Another way I build trust is by writing books and conducting seminars – either in person or over the Web.

Most seminars I conduct are free.  Anyone can show up, watch or listen in.

This establishes my expertise.  People also get to know me and decide if they like what I'm saying.

This approach allows me to cast a wide net for potential customers and clients – allows me to talk to tens of thousands of people across the Internet, a tiny percentage of whom will actually be realistic candidates for becoming a client.

Remember, life is a game of numbers.

I'm looking for big clients who have the capability of spending hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars on my services if my direct marketing campaigns work.

I never engage in high-pressure selling tactics.

Another way I establish my expertise is to write a book.

For my direct mail marketing services, one book I wrote is titled How to Write Blockbuster Sales Letters.  Another book is titled Fund Your Cause with Direct Mail: Secrets of Successful Direct Mail Fundraising.

Writing a book about your area of expertise is far more effective than a brochure.

When you submit a proposal to a prospective client, enclose a copy of your book.  That will clinch the deal almost every time.

The fact that I never engage in high-pressure sales tactics actually makes people want to buy what I'm selling even more.  I then pick the buyers and clients I want.

I look for clients and customers who I believe will really appreciate and benefit from what I am selling – who I think have the potential to become very big clients in the future.

When I decide to accept a client, what I'm really looking for is a partner.  I'm interested in being a partner in the growth of their business or organization.

The greatest car salesman of all time was a man named Joe Girard.

He grew up in a poor neighborhood on the east side of Detroit.  His education was through the 11th grade.

The Guinness Book of World Records listed Joe Girard as the “World’s Greatest Retail Salesman” for 12 consecutive years.  He sold 13,001 cars at a Chevrolet dealership between 1963 and 1978.

He sold an average of six cars or trucks per day throughout his career.  He sold more cars per year by himself than most dealers sell.

Joe still holds the all-time record for number of cars sold by a salesman.

People would actually form a line each day to buy a car from Joe – because they liked him, also because they knew he was the greatest car salesman in the world.

Everyone wants to be sold a car by the greatest car salesman in the world.

How did he do this? 

He did it by building a relationship with his customers.  He kept in touch with his customers throughout the year.

Once a month, he would send each of them something:  A "Thank You" card, a Christmas card, useful information, and free goodies.  He was selling so many cars he had to hire people to send out the cards and gifts in assembly-line fashion, also to help him do the paperwork for each sale.

When you set up a selling system like this, no selling is really needed.  Selling just becomes a process of taking the orders.

It was a simple system that made Joe a multimillionaire.

It's so simple and easy to do.  There's no trick to it, no big secret.  But few people do it.

Remember the "systems are more important than goals" principle.

Sure, Joe had a goal.  His goal was to sell as many cars as he could.  But he had no idea how many cars he could sell.

What he put in place was a system for selling – a system that produced almost unlimited sales.

The system is what's important.  The system is what allows you to leverage your time and produce almost unlimited results over time.

Remember also that your most expensive sale is your first sale.  Most businesses lose money on their first sale to a customer because of the marketing costs – both advertising cost and time cost.

The cost-to-acquire a first-time buyer is a major cost.

This is why beginning salespeople usually quit after the first few months of trying to sell.  They have not built up a clientele of repeat buyers.  This takes time, patience and relentlessly working your customer acquisition and cultivation system.

Your profit comes from repeat purchases by the same pool of customers.

If people like you and are satisfied with what they bought from you, they will buy again.

Joe understood the concept that we are selling ourselves more than we are selling a product or service.

People already knew they wanted a car, or they would not have been at the dealership.

So Joe was already selling hamburgers to a hungry crowd.

The only question is: From which salesman would they buy their new car?

Joe says: “I have never sold a car in my life. I sold Joe Girard.”

By this, he meant he just happened to be selling cars.  He could have been just as successful selling real estate, plumbing services, financial services, computers, whatever.  Doesn't matter, so long as it's a product or service people need or want.

There are many places where people can buy cars.  But there was only one place where you could buy from Joe Girard.

Joe Girard's system is built on the principle that people buy from those they KNOW, LIKE and TRUST.

Joe also understood the "250 Rule" – which is that each buyer knows 250 people well enough to invite to attend a special occasion, such as a wedding.

This can potentially represent 250 references.  Joe would ask his customers to refer others to him.  And they did.  Just ask people to send their friends to you and they will.  Just plant the thought in their mind.

No matter what field you are in, everyone would do well to take a course in basic salesmanship.

Even if you are a brain surgeon, you will do better if you know salesmanship. 

If you are a scientist working in a lab, you will have a more successful career if you know how to sell – because in every area of life you must sell yourself and sell your ideas.  You must persuade others to do what you want them to do – to follow your lead.

Multibillionaire investor Warren Buffet says one of the best courses he ever took was a Dale Carnegie Course on public speaking. Buffet took this course when he was in his twenties.  Buffett was shy and socially awkward.  He was a stockbroker and wanted to be able to overcome his fear of cold-calling prospective clients.  And he wanted to be able to make better sales presentations.

As Buffett says: “There were about 30 other people in the class and we all had trouble saying our own names. We met once a week for a dozen or so weeks. They would give us different types of speeches to practice and taught us psychological tricks to overcome our fears,” explains Buffett. “There was that communal feeling that we were all in the same boat and really helped one another get through the class.”

When the course was over, Buffett went to the University of Omaha and announced that he wanted to start teaching. He knew that if he didn’t continue to practice speaking in front of people, he would lose the skill and lose confidence. 

When Buffett launched his investment partnership, his sales presentations were very understated – no hype.  Buffett's approach was always to UNDER-promise and massively OVER-deliver.  After turning in great returns of 50 percent or more some years, he would always tell investors in his partnership not to expect anything close to this return for the coming year.

Buffett's annual letters to his shareholders make great reading – very conversational and understated.

They aren't sales letters at all – at least not in the classic sense of sales letters.  They are simply letters to his shareholders that explain his thinking.  His annual letters explained the "Good, the Bad and the Ugly" of what happened that year.  His letters went through where he went wrong, where he went right, and his thoughts on the future.

Buffett built trust.  That's true salesmanship.

Buffett grew his personal wealth to about $120 billion.  His investment partnership became Berkshire-Hathaway with a market value of $700 billion.

Buffet says he never could have built this without that Dale Carnegie course that made him a better public speaker, presenter and salesman.  “I don’t have my diploma from the University of Nebraska hanging on my office wall, and I don’t have my diploma from Columbia up there either — but I do have my Dale Carnegie graduation certificate proudly displayed,"  says Buffett.

Buffett adds: "That $100 course gave me the most important degree I have. It’s certainly had the biggest impact in terms of my subsequent success.”

Says Buffett: “If you’re a salesperson, you want people to follow your advice. If you’re a management leader, you want them to follow you in business. Whatever you do, good communication skills are incredibly important and something that almost anybody can improve upon, both in writing and speaking.”

That Dale Carnegie course is no longer $100.  It's more like $1,800 – the last I checked.  But it's well worth the money.

Trust Is Your Most Valuable Currency

Think of how important trust is to the functioning of life.  We trust Google and Big Tech with our passwords and all our information.  We allow Big Tech complete access to the contents of our computers and mobile devices to store our hard drives in the cloud.

What if, at some point, Big Tech used this information to empty your bank account and steal all your money?

What if just one employee at Google did this?

Trust in the system would be broken.  The entire economy would collapse like a house of cards.

We trust Google, Microsoft, Amazon, Facebook, the banks, and the credit card companies with all our information.

Any one of them, a rogue employee at any of these companies, could bankrupt you and ruin your life with a few keystrokes on their computer.

We trust these companies not to do this to us.  I believe this trust is misplaced.  But that's another topic – another book.

But trust can be lost in an instant.

This happened during the stock market crash of 1929.  Banks started collapsing, which triggered a run on the banks.  People no longer trusted banks to protect their savings, wanted to get their money out of the banks.  More than 2,000 banks collapsed in 1929 and 1930.  This triggered the Great Depression.

We saw something similar in 2008 with the financial collapse when a major investment bank on Wall Street called Bear Stearns collapsed. 

This one event, the collapse of a relatively minor financial institution, triggered the financial collapse of 2008.

It wasn't as bad as 1929 and the Great Depression.  But it was bad. The S&P 500 index of stocks plunged 50 percent. The unemployment rate shot up to 10 percent.  Household wealth in the U.S. dropped by $14 trillion. U.S. GDP dropped 8.4 percent.

Trust in the system was broken.

Trust is an extremely valuable asset.

Our entire economy, our entire system runs on trust.  Yes, we have contracts and written agreements.  But a contract will not protect you from a dishonest person.  There are usually ways around contracts.

The purpose of the written agreement or contract is usually more to memorialize what we agreed to so we don't forget.

Sometimes I've had to remind a client what we agreed to.  The client wasn't being dishonest, just forgot.

Once I point it out, the client says: "Oh, okay, yes.  I see that here.  No problem."

You never want to do business with a dishonest person.  No contract will protect you from someone who is dishonest.  For one thing, it's very expensive to enforce contracts in court – usually isn't worth it.

The purpose of a contract is to remind everyone what the agreement was down the road when everyone has forgotten.  "What was the agreement?"  I'll sometimes ask.  "Can someone bring me a copy of the contract?"

I have this great client whose accounting department points out when I under-bill.

How great is it to do business with people like that?

Trust is what makes everything run smoothly, quickly, easily.

Transactions are quick and easy if people trust you.  It's easy to make and keep friends if you have a reputation as an honest person.  When employers call me because my name is listed by a job applicant as a reference, here's the question they all ask: "Is he an honest person?"

They don't even care much if the prospective employee is smart and has the skills needed for the job.  They mostly just want to know: "Is he honest?"

But trust can be lost in an instant.  If you get caught in a lie even once, trust is gone.

My mentor Richard Viguerie had a tough rule at his ad agency.  Anyone who lies to him is fired.

That's it.  Pack up your stuff.  You're gone.

When Richard asks account managers questions, he knows the answers to 80 percent of the questions he's asking.  What he wants to know is: "Do you know the answers?"

My rule when answering Richard's questions was always to give him the bad news first.

Sometimes I would begin my answer by asking: "Do you want the bad news first or the good news?"

He always answered: "Give me the bad news first."

Most people want the bad news first.  People want the truth.  We want to know first if we have cancer.  Then we can look at options for treating it.  I handle all my clients the same way.

I always give them the option of hearing the good news or bad news first.  Almost always, they want the bad news first.

CLIENT: "How did our mailing do?"

ME: "Do you want the good news or bad news first?"

CLIENT: "The bad news."

ME: "Your mailing lost $500,000."

CLIENT: "Yikes!  That's bad.  Very bad.  Ok, what's the good news if there is any?"

ME: "Obviously, we always prefer to make money, not lose money, but this is actually quite good for a new-buyer-acquisition mailing.  You mailed 5,000,000 letters, so lost 10 cents a letter.  But you found 30,000 new customers.  These new customers will recover the $500,000 loss for you in about 90 days with repeat purchases.  Then after that, these new buyers become profitable and should generate $2,000,000 profit over the next 12-18 months.  Here's a spreadsheet that lays out the forecast."

CLIENT: "Oh!  That's great!"

ME: "Yes, I would definitely call that a success and a business model that's working.  The next goal is to test different mailings and see if we can reduce new buyer acquisition costs so we can mail bigger."

If you make a habit of sharing the bad news first, you will always be trusted.  The last thing you want to happen is for your boss or client to find out the good news you just shared is not quite accurate, or not quite the full picture.

Lies of omission are still lies.  You lied by not including the full picture.  You lied by only sharing the good facts, omitting the bad facts.

So I almost always share the bad news first.  It makes the good news sound so much better.

Always tell the truth.  Don't bullshit.  Don't be evasive.  Don't hide or downplay the bad news.

Be 100 percent transparent – whether the truth is good, bad or ugly.

My boss Richard Viguerie is the best B.S. detector I've ever seen.

Account managers at his agency, especially the new ones, are always quick to share the good news on how their accounts are doing.

"Yes, a lot of money is coming in," he'd agree.  "That's good.  Now let's look at the cost.  Oh, that's not good."

What that employee has done by sharing only half the information – the good news half – is undermine trust.

Now Richard will always have to spend extra time asking that employee the key questions to make sure he has the full picture – the truth.

Richard never has to ask me many follow-up questions to uncover the truth.

"How did the mailing do?" he'd ask me.

"Terrible," I'd say.

Then we can delve into the WHY the mailing failed.  He doesn't have to spend any more effort trying to find out the WHAT.

We can then get to work on figuring out how to fix the problem, or perhaps abandon the money-losing project completely.

By sharing the bad news first, you are also telling your boss or client that you aren't satisfied with the performance you just turned in.  The message you are sending is you can do better and expect to do better – even if the performance was actually excellent.

CLIENT: "How did the mailing do?"

ME: "Ok, not great.  The ball is bouncing, but I think we can get it bouncing higher if we make a few adjustments."

One of my larger clients tells me he has to come to me to find out the truth about what's going on in his organization because his employees just lie.

"Why not fire them?" I ask.

Never hype your own work.  Be understated.  Always UNDER-promise, then OVER-deliver, like Warren Buffett does.

Think of how much more persuasive a realtor would be if, on walking a potential buyer into a property, the realtor was the first to spot problems.

There's no need for the realtor to point out the beautiful bathroom.  The client can see the bathroom.

A good realtor will point out the loose floorboard, the section of the ceiling that was patched due to water a leak, and looks like there might have been some termite damage here.  Then says: "We'll need to ask the seller about these issues and take them into account if you decide to make an offer."

I want a realtor who helps me find the problems.

A realtor who sells like this is instantly credible.  You are more likely to believe everything this realtor says from here on forward – until you catch the realtor lying.  But that would be out of character for this realtor.  If you find a realtor like this, you'll want to use this realtor for every property you buy.

When talking to clients and potential clients, always be understated – never over-hype.  I try to sound like a scientist in a white lab coat – try to sound like Dr. Spock.

My rule with sales pitches is to promise just enough to land the account.  Then massively OVER-deliver.

With one client, we ended the year having raised $43 million for the non-profit organization – doubling revenue from the previous year.

Much of it had come in during the most recent 90 days.  I didn't mention it because I knew we had a meeting scheduled in 30 days.

At the meeting with the team, I passed out the report without saying anything.

The summary report on the program was one-pager we call a "Snapshot Report."

It's backed up with supporting reports.  But people are usually only interested in the "Snapshot Report" – the bottom line of what happened.

They then ask questions based on that.

He looked at the "Snapshot Report."  He put it down.  He then picked it up again, looked at it.  Looked hard at it for about two minutes.

"This says we ended up raising $43 million in 2020.  Is this right?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Why didn't you mention this to me last week when we were talking?" he asked.

"I thought you knew," I answered.

Isn't that more effective than running into your boss's office saying: "Hey boss!  Look at the great job I'm doing."

Far better to just hand him or her a one-page report without comment.  Treat this great report as just another day at the office for you – no big deal.

Now, if the report had contained bad news, I would have wanted to bring this to his attention – point out the bad news and make sure he knows before he sees the bad news on the report.

But if it's good news or great news, it's far stronger to just let the facts speak.

Don't dance in the endzone when you score a touchdown.  Just hand the ball politely to the ref and get back to work.  Look like you've scored touchdowns before.  Look like you score touchdowns every day.

This is just what you do day in and day out – score touchdown after touchdown after touchdown.  No need to boast about it.  It's just normal life for you.

That gets respect.

Mostly what bosses and clients want is accurate information, not hype – just the facts.

I don't want a doctor with a big personality who sounds like he'd be the life of the party.

I want a doctor who sounds like Dr. Spock, who sounds analytical, like he knows what he's talking about.

And this is very important.

If you screw up, take immediate responsibility.  Just say: "That was my fault."  Or "I was the one who screwed that up."

Don't make excuses.  Don't try to shift blame to others.

This rule applies to dealing with law enforcement.

I have not received a ticket for a moving violation in about 20 years.  But I have received quite a few warnings.

How did I get out of these tickets?

Answer: Straight forward honesty.  Admit you screwed up.  Don't make excuses.  Just take responsibility. 

Example on I-80 in Ohio near Toledo heading East.

ME: "Hello officer.  Sorry about that.  I know why you stopped me.  I was going too fast."

COP: "How fast do you think you were going?"

ME: "Well, I'm not sure the speed your radar gun caught me going.  When I came around the bend and saw you, I sensed I was going too fast, so I tapped the brakes.  Then I looked down at the speedometer and saw that I was going 80.  But by then I had slowed down.  So I'm guessing I was going 84 before I tapped the breaks."

COP: "I had you going 81.  Why were you speeding?"

ME: "Well, I was listening to the radio and I guess I got going too fast coming down that hill."

COP:  "I'm going to give you a warning because you were honest.  But you're going to have to wait here for 15 minutes before you start heading down the highway."

ME: "Thank you officer."

COP: "Make sure you wait here the full 15 minutes before moving your car.  I'll know if you start driving before the 15 minutes are up because I'll be down the highway a bit watching."

I did not argue with the cop, did not question the radar gun, did not deny I was speeding, did not make excuses for it.

This works almost every time.  Now obviously I would get a ticket if I were going 20 mph over the limit.  The cop can't let that go.

But even in that case, honesty is best.  If you're honest and polite, the cop might reduce the charge from reckless driving to simple speeding.

Honesty always works best to diffuse a bad situation and mitigate damage. 

Dishonestly always makes the situation worse. 

If you screw up, take full responsibility for your screw up.  Own your screw up.  Apologize for it and mean it. 

Morton's Steakhouse over-cooked my steak.  I had ordered medium rare.  "This is well done," I told the waiter.  "I asked for medium-rare."

This is very unlike Morton's.  Usually, Morton's cooks my steak perfectly.

The manager came over to our table and apologized.  They brought out a new steak that was cooked correctly and knocked half off the price of the steak.

The result: That restaurant has a very happy customer and a customer for life, me.

One of my employees at my agency called me and told me about a printing error on a mailing that went out to 1,000,000 people.  She was crying, said it was her fault.  She had missed the error when reviewing final proofs.

There was literally a typo in the headline at the top of one of the pieces in the mailing.

I said: "Well, that's certainly not great.  But I doubt it will really impact results from the mailing much."

"Oh, thank you!" she answered.  "You don't know how happy it makes me feel to hear you say that.  I'm so relieved.  This won't happen again."

If I had discovered the error on my own, I would have had a very different reaction.  Steam would have been coming out of my ears.  I might have fired her.

I certainly wasn't happy about the error.  It was a pretty bad error that probably did hurt results from the mailing – no way to know how much.  Might have been a $50,000 or $100,000 in revenue that did not arrive due to that error.  Hard to say.

But the fact that she brought her mistake to my attention meant I had discovered I had an asset that far exceeded the $50,000 or $100,000 her mistake probably cost.

I just found out I have a very honest employee.  I know I'll never need to check her work.  I know I'll never need to investigate to find out what errors she might be covering up.  I now know that whatever she tells me is the truth.  I don't have to check.  That's the kind of employee I want – one who tells the truth.

She is forever branded in my mind as an honest person, as someone I would trust with my life.  A few weeks later I promoted her to run the division with a 20 percent pay raise.

Not only is telling the truth the right thing to do.  It makes life so much easier.  Liars are easy to spot because they can never remember all their lies.  Liars always get caught eventually. 

Then you will always be known as a liar.

You can recover from mistakes and screw ups.  You can never recover if you get a reputation as a dishonest person.  No one wants anything to do with dishonest people.

Honesty (or dishonesty) is what a personal brand is built on. 

People buy from those they KNOW, LIKE and TRUST – mostly TRUST.

How to Ask for What You Want . . . And Usually Get It

Ask and you shall receive" Jesus told his followers.

This is a key principle for winning this game called Life.

This lesson was driven into my brain forever by an event that happened to me in high school.

All through high school I had a crush on a particular girl.  But I thought she was way out of my league, plus she seemed to be dating someone else.  My circle of friends all had a big crush on her.  We thought she must be the best looking girl in the East.  At least, that was our assumption.  Plus, she was a super nice person.

Then about five years later, I was talking to her at our high school reunion and having a great time.  Then she paused and asked: "Why didn't you ever ask me out?"

I answered: "Honestly, I thought you were way out of my league.  I didn't think there was any chance you'd say yes.  Plus, it looked like you were dating someone else."

"You should have asked me," she said.  "I would have said yes."

The sad part is she ended up marrying some abusive schmuck and getting divorced.  So by not asking her out, it's possible I hurt two people – me and her.  Who knows?

Life has turned out great regardless.

The point is: Never assume the answer to what you want is "No." 

You'll be shocked at how often the answer to a seemingly impossible request is "yes."

You'll never know unless you ask.

My roommate in college had a jacket I really liked.  One day I said: "Hey Jim, I'm wondering if there's any chance I might be able to borrow that really cool jacket you have for a date I'm going on tonight. That is one cool jacket!"

He answered: "Sure.  If you like it, you can keep it."

"Really?" I asked.  "No, that's ridiculous. I'm not keeping your jacket."

"No problem.  Keep it. I don't wear it much anymore.  I have others.  If you really like it, you should have it."

Have you noticed how much money comes into "Go Fund Me" and similar fundraising platforms for all kinds of causes and projects?

People will contribute hundreds of thousands of dollars to the legal defense funds of people in trouble.  The founder of the Barstool Sports website Dave Portnoy raised and gave away more than $40 Million to restaurants, bars and small businesses that were shut down in 2020-21 because of the Covid pandemic.

People like to contribute to causes they support, worthwhile projects, and to people they like.  But you have to ask for the contribution.  Unless you ask, people have no way of knowing what you want. 

Many people are happy to give you what you want, but people aren't mind-readers. 

They can't guess what you want unless you tell them – and tell them exactly.  Don't be vague about it.  Don't beat around the bush.

I'm in the advertising and direct marketing business.  But the biggest part of what I do is political fundraising.

I raise money with postal direct mail and internet fundraising appeals.  These appeals are designed to bring in mostly donations in the $10 to $100 range.  My direct mail and Internet fundraising appeals will bring in about 10,000 of these kinds of contributions per day on average.

The most fun part of my day is the daily report I get at about 1 p.m. on the number of reply envelopes that arrived that day.  These reply envelopes contain checks, donations – not for me, but for the organizations, projects and candidates I raise money for.

I'm paid based on how successful my fundraising campaigns are for these organizations, projects, causes and candidates. 

What is the #1 reason people contribute money to something?

The #1 reason people contribute is because they are asked to contribute.

If you don't ask, you won't get the contribution.  The more people you ask, the more contributions will pour in.

It's really as simple as that.  The most important line in any fundraising appeal is the ask for money.

Now, when you are calibrating your request, it's important to ask for something that's easy for the person to deliver.  Don't ask for a house.  Ask for something that's easy for the potential giver.

In the world of fundraising, 90-95 percent of people send donations to causes in the $10 to $50 range. You don't want to ask people who customarily give at this level for $10,000.

That's too much for 95 percent of people.  But you wouldn't want to ask Bill Gates for $50. That would not be worth his time to consider.  It would be somewhat insulting to Gates to ask him for $50 because it would show you have no idea who Bill Gates is or that he's one of the richest people in the world.

If you were to ask Bill Gates for money, it should be in the millions of dollars.  And it should be for a project that you know aligns with his interests.

If you're doing something he's very interested in and if you're able to get the meeting, he'll almost certainly give you the money if you have a project that's well thought out and that will accomplish a lot of good.

So when deciding on the level of your ask for a donation, or a favor, or whatever it is you want, it's important calibrate how easy it is for the person you are asking to deliver on your request.  You don't want to ask for too much, but not too little either.

On one occasion, when I was in my 30s, I managed to set up a meeting with a billionaire. The purpose of the meeting was to ask for a sizable gift to support a project I was involved in.

I outlined the goal of the project, presented a budget, and then asked if he would be willing to support this project with a contribution, or perhaps a series of contributions "if that would be easier."

"How much are you looking for?" he asked.

I didn't have a number ready in my brain.  I was stuck.  I had to say something.  So I blurted out the first number that came to mind: "We were thinking if you could contribute $100,000 to this, that would be great," I said.  "But if that's too much, $50,000 would also be great," I added.  "We'll be thankful for whatever you can do."

"Well, that's easy," he said.  "Most people come in here with requests for $250,000 or $1,000,000.  Here's a check for $50,000.   Send me monthly reports on how the project is going."

I thought to myself: "Dang!  I wish I had asked for more.  I think I lost his respect for asking for too low an amount."

Lesson:  Before you make a request, make sure you have a very specific request in mind.  And make sure you calibrate your ask to the capability of the giver.  It's just insulting to ask a billionaire for too little.  He won't respect you.  That likely will be the last meeting you get with that billionaire.

Fortunately, that wasn't my last meeting with this billionaire.  I was able to secure much bigger commitments on future projects simply by asking for more. 

The reason people often give you what you ask for is because they have it to give.  They have some surplus stuff – like my college roommate who had that really cool jacket that I liked.  He had it.  I liked it.  He didn't need it because he had other jackets he liked better.  He saw that I liked it.  So he said "keep it."

Why do people like to give stuff away?

Mostly because they know it makes people happy.  It's a way to make friends.  It's a way to help others in need or to accomplish some good.

Jesus said: "Ask and you shall receive." 

He also said " Give, and you will receive . . . The amount you give will determine the amount you get back."

Another word for this is Karma.

Good things tend to happen to people who are generous.

In psychology, this is also called the "Law of Reciprocity."

If someone gives you a present for Christmas but you haven't bought a gift for that person, what are you going to do?

Most likely, you will run to the store and buy a Christmas gift for that person. That's the "Law of Reciprocity" in psychology at work.

The gift giving and the gift receiving almost always work both ways.  If you ask for something you want, most likely you will get it.  But you will be expected to return the favor in some undefined way down the road.

This is certainly true of that billionaire (now deceased) who contributed very generously over the years to my assorted projects.  He would often call me with various requests, usually involving some expenditure of my time.  And, of course, I would jump and hop right on the task.

I'm convinced that much commerce involves favors that people do for other people with the expectation that the favor will be returned in some way down the road.

People want to do favors for you.  People want to give you what you want, so long as it's easy for them.

But you have to let them know what you want – clearly and specifically.  They can't read your mind.

When I'm interviewing a prospective employee for a job, I never state the salary I'm willing to pay.  I always want the prospective employee to tell me the number they are looking for first.

Almost always, they ask for less than I'm willing to pay.  Most people worry they will lose the job by asking for too much.  They lack confidence in themselves.   Most people are just not skilled at asking for what they want.

Ask for Testimonials

Get in the habit of asking satisfied customers and high-level people for testimonials you can put on your website and in your marketing materials.  This is your single most important tool in your marketing and self-promotion tool kit.

When with a customer, client, or high-level person, simply take your phone out of your pocket and ask that person to say something nice about you, your product, service or work.  Record it.  Take a photo of the person. Ask for permission to post the testimonial and photo on your website along with other testimonials you are collecting.

Mention the names of others who have given you testimonials so they don't think they're the only one providing a testimonial.  Almost everyone will be happy to do this for you.

A client of mine called Faith & Freedom Coalition had President Donald Trump, Vice President Mike Pence, many Senators, members of Congress, and high-level people speaking at its annual conference.

We always worked with the speechwriters to make sure these high-level people would say a few words about the big impact Faith & Freedom was making in elections and on public policy. We would provide specifics to the speech writers, usually write out a paragraph or two of sample text.

The speechwriters for these politicians were happy to to include the testimonial in the speech.  Providing some sample text helps them because they need content for the speech they're writing.

These testimonials with photos would go up on the Faith & Freedom website and in fundraising materials.  The result: We were able to raise about $40 million per year for Faith & Freedom with direct marketing.  We never could have raised anywhere near this amount of money without these testimonials.  

Without an impressive collection of testimonials, I doubt we could have raised $2 million per year.  How would any prospective donor know our claims are true without testimonials from high-level people they respect?

With testimonials, we were able to raise $40 million per year.

Be a testimonial collecting machine.  It's so much more credible and powerful to have others make your claims about you than it is for you to make your claims.

Testimonials from satisfied customers and high-level people are proof to your prospective buyers that your claims are true.  But the only way to collect testimonials is to get in the habit of asking.

These few paragraphs of advice I just shared with you are worth many millions of dollars to almost any entrepreneur.

How to Develop Relationships with Very Rich People

Poor people can't help you.  They need your help.

Poor people can't hire you.  Middle Class people can't hire you – except to do small jobs.

The rich hire people.  The rich invest in your ideas and projects.

Your job, your money comes from relationships you build with rich people.

I've never had trouble getting meetings with rich people when I set my mind to it.

As with every goal you want to achieve, you need to build a system for achieving it.

Method #1: Attend Business Seminars

A great way to meet high-achieving people is to attend business seminars that you pay to attend.  Anyone who is attending a business seminar that they are paying for is already in the top one percent of high achievers.  These are motivated people.  Many of them are probably already very successful because successful people pay to attend business seminars in their field.

Often business owners and corporate recruiters attend business seminars for the purpose of finding people who are motivated enough to attend a business seminar.

Business seminars and coaching programs come in all price-ranges – from $100 on up to $100,000.  The more you pay, the higher caliber the group.  One of the most famous is Tony Robbins' "Business Mastery Seminar," which costs about $5,500 for a four-day program.

A program I like a lot is called "Strategic Coach" run by Dan Sullivan.  It costs $10,000 to $25,000 – per year depending on the program and meets quarterly.

As I mentioned earlier, a good friend of mine named Joe Polish (JoePolish.com) runs business seminars that range in cost from $25,000 to $100,000 per year.  But there are plenty of great business seminars for $500 or that are even free.

Another friend of mine named Verne Harnish runs an excellent business coaching program called "Scaling Up."  His programs cost $200 to $200,000 per year.

His standard one-time workshops are in the $2,000 to $6,000 range.

$10,000 or $25,000 sounds like a lot of money to pay for a one-year coaching program (four quarterly seminars) through Dan Sullivan's "Strategic Coach" program.  But not only will you learn a lot about building and scaling up your business, you will develop relationships with many high-level people that will last a lifetime.

Almost all my income comes from my personal relationships – people I've known for years and decades; high-caliber, wealthy people who can afford to pay me.   You're not going to meet high-level people by sitting in your office.  You'll meet them by attending business seminars that come with a hefty price tag to attend.

The highest-level people won't be attending the $10,000 seminar.  They'll be attending the $100,000 seminar because that's where they know they will be talking with people at their level who are capable of making things happen for them.

How much money will you generate over the next decade from the people you meet by attending a seminar that costs $100,000?   Most likely millions of dollars – assuming you have a skill, a product or service they need.  In that case, the $100,000 price tag for Joe Polish's business seminar is cheap. 

Instead of building that swimming pool or buying that fancy car, it would be much better to do this.

Think of the $100,000 as the price of admission to this group of mega-wealthy business leaders.

People like to buy from people they know, like and trust. 

This is probably the most important rule of sales and marketing.

This, of course, is assuming you continue to cultivate the relationships you start at these seminars.  If not cultivated, relationships die.  So regular follow-up is crucial.   Put everyone you meet on your newsletter and podcast notification list.  Stay in regular contact.

Method #2: Create an Impressive Body of Work

I prefer fishing rather than hunting as a method of marketing.

With hunting, you have to walk through the jungle looking for prey. That's hard work.

With fishing, you put bait on your hook and wait for the fish to come to you while you sip your iced tea and listen to music.  That's much easier, more pleasant, and much more effective.

If you're hunting for deer, you might hunt all season and never get one.  If you bait your hook and fish where the fish are, you'll catch all the fish you can handle in a few hours.

Far better than a resume is to write a book.  Writing and mailing a resume is more like hunting.

Ninety-nine percent of resumes get thrown in the trash.

There is no better credential than to write a book about your area of interest and expertise.

You no longer need to wait for a publisher to accept your book for publication.  You can write it and publish it yourself and sell it on Amazon. Why let a publisher take 85 percent of the money that comes in from sales of your book?

This is no longer necessary.  You are your best promoter.  You can be your own media company.

The primary purpose of writing and publishing a book is not to make money on book sales, but to establish you as an expert in your field. 

If you've written and published a book on something, you must be an expert, right?

Make sure you hire a professional book cover design artist.  People do judge a book by its cover.  You don't want an amateur-looking cover for your book. 

If your book is also a good product – well written and interesting – that's even better.  Just the fact that you have written and published a book establishes you as an expert.  Most people don't read books, much less write one.

Start a blog and launch a podcast.  Repurpose sections of your book as blog posts and podcast topics.

The world is starved for great content.  People go onto the Internet and YouTube to search for content that's of interest to them.  Google and the search engines reward recently created content.  Google puts recently created content at the top of keyword search listings.

If your content is interesting to your target audience, you'll be at the top of Google search if your content is on a specialized topic.  The more specialized your topic, the more likely you'll land at the top of Google search results for your topic.  Also, the more intense your following will be because those who are interested in your specialized topic are starved for information on your topic.

Take the topic of Bitcoin – which has a $450 market cap as I write these words.  This is a topic I've been interested in since 2016.  I had studied the asset for several years before investing a significant amount in Bitcoin in 2019.

Since I had put about 1,000 hours of study into the asset, I made the decision to write a book on Bitcoin in 2022, titled Bitcoin: A Beginner's Guide.

The best way to really learn a topic deeply, especially a technical topic like Bitcoin, is to write a book on it.  I also put up 15 one-hour podcasts about Bitcoin on YouTube and elsewhere.

I quickly became a recognized expert on Bitcoin.  The book became a bestseller on Amazon – was actually ranked #2 in the "Money & Monetary Policy" category at one point.  I'm often invited to speak at Bitcoin conferences.

And because I self-published the book, I didn't have to share any of the money with a publisher.  More importantly, I had complete control of the project.

I can update the book whenever I want without having to go through a publisher.  It's awesome.

I was making some pretty decent money on book sales alone – about $750 per day for a while.  This is not big money, but not bad either.  I'll take it.

Money continues to come in from the book.

I do need to update it.

The money on the book arrives in my bank account in direct proportion to the amount of content on Bitcoin I'm create on YouTube, Facebook, Rumble, and Twitter – which are my primary promotion channels.

I set up a Facebook page on Bitcoin that has about 11,000 followers.  My YouTube videos on Bitcoin get around 5,000 views when I put out a video.  And these podcasts move books.

I'm not spending a lot of time on my Bitcoin project right now  because I'm busy on some projects that are more immediately profitable.  But it's nice to know I can turn on the money on with my Bitcoin project whenever I need to.  There's an endless appetite out there for good information on Bitcoin. I'm sure I'll get back to it because I'm very much a believer in Bitcoin.

Becoming a recognized expert on topic is not difficult.  Just requires study.  And there's no faster way to become a recognized expert on a subject than by writing a good book on it.  Of course, it needs to be a good book.  It needs to provide real value and be an interesting read.

If your book is good and on a topic of interest, you will get speaking engagements.  You will be invited on big podcasts, also on TV and radio shows, which will sell more books. But far more important than selling books is your book establishes you as an expert in this field.  This leads to lots of people wanting to hire you.

Method #3:

The FedEx Package with Follow-Up Phone Call

Let's say I want very much to meet and talk with Elon Musk.  The odds are low that I would be able to land a meeting with Elon. 

He's the richest man in the world and the busiest – trying to colonize Mars with Space X, dominating transportation on Earth with Tesla and his Boring Company, connecting the world with cheap-fast internet with Starlink, and trying to solve the world's mental health problems and extend human consciousness forever with Neuralink.  All this is keeping him very busy.

But if I were trying to land a meeting with Elon, how would I do it?

The first task would be to come up with a project that might interest him and wouldn't take much of his time.

A project that might interest him would be if you were to write a biography and create a documentary on Elon's life.  Everyone is interested in what's being written and said about them.

So let's say this is your project.  You are writing a biography on Elon's life that will also be turned into a documentary film.  To do a quality job, you will need to interview Elon for an extended period of time.  You would like to be able to follow him around for about a week.

Your next task is to get your proposal to Elon.

That requires getting through his gatekeeper.  All people at that level have an executive assistant whose main job is to block people from taking up their time.

Elon probably gets hundreds of requests each day, perhaps thousands.  His executive assistant's job is to say "no" and to funnel requests to others in in his organizations to handle.

The best way to get a meeting with Elon would be to send an overnight package FedEx to Elon's office saying you would like to interview Elon for a book you are writing, which will also be a documentary you are creating about Elon's life.

It would improve your chances to say you are currently writing a biography of Elon's life using public sources, but would much prefer to have Elon shape the direction and content of the biography.

This would get Elon's attention because you are saying the biography or documentary is in the works, in the process of being made.  It's not theoretical.  So Elon will want to shape the content.

You can even offer Elon the opportunity to review the biography as it's written to make sure all details are correct – also because the purpose of the biography and documentary is to present Elon's thinking and thought-process accurately.

Your FedEx package should include sample questions that would be intriguing to Elon, questions he would like to answer.  It should include a bio of you, so he gets an idea of who you are, plus URLs to your website and your body of work.  It would be important for your website and body of work to be impressive so he can see the project is real.

Your list of questions should be questions Elon might like to answer.  Examples:

What makes you happiest?

Who have been the biggest influences on your life?

Where does your incredible work ethic come from?  What drives you?

When did you think you, a private person, might actually be able to launch rockets into space, build spacecraft, and colonize Mars?

When did this become a concrete goal?  What inspired this goal?

What are the most influential books you've read, and why?

What advice would you give to a poor kid today?

What is your vision for Neuralink, Starlink, the Boring company, Tesla, Space X?  How do all these projects fit together?

What is your typical day like?

Most people can't build and manage one company, much less build five enormous companies from scratch. How do you manage your time?

What do you think the world will look like in five years, ten years?

What is your philosophy of life?

I've heard you somewhat subscribe to "Simulation Theory."  Tell me a bit about your version of this.

Do you have a kind of credo that encapsulates what you're about?

I've read two biographies about you – one by Ashlee Vance and one by Robert Hanson.  What was your opinion of these accounts?  Were these honest portraits of you? What did they get wrong about you?

What is the biggest misconception about you?

What would you like to talk about that people don't ask?

These are all questions Elon might like to expound on, especially if he feels he's been misunderstood.

These questions reveal that you know a lot about Elon and have done your homework.  He knows he's not going to have to waste a lot of time rehashing material that's publicly available.  He can get right into what he wants to talk about.

Make it clear in your cover letter that "We can stay away from any topics you don't want to talk about. It's completely up to you what you'd like to cover.  Think of this as your book with me doing the work."

A request like this would at least reach Elon, most likely.  It would probably get through the gatekeeper.  The gatekeeper would likely at least ask Elon if he's interested.

Even someone at Elon's level (the richest man in the world who is building multiple major companies and trying to colonize Mars) would consider this request.

Everyone is interested in books and documentaries about themselves.

Everyone wants a hand in shaping what's said about them.

No one wants falsehoods and misrepresentations about them on the permanent public record – out there on the Internet.

Most likely, Elon would ask his gatekeeper to check into your background.  Are you an established writer?  Have you created documentaries in the past?  Are you a journalist?  Do you have a popular podcast?  Is your website impressive?

Your FedEx package will need to be impressive.  It should include a good cover letter, your business card paper-clipped to the front of the letter, your list of questions, your bio (two or three paragraphs), the URL of your website and links to your work.

Will you succeed in getting a meeting with Elon by taking this approach?

Probably not.  Someone who is that busy, who is the richest man in the world, who is trying to colonize Mars, who is at the peak of his productive life has very limited time available – almost no time available.

So your odds of landing a meeting or an interview with Elon are probably one percent.

But life is a numbers game.  The more people you approach, the more "yes" answers you will get.

Or perhaps the topic of your book or documentary project is "What the World Will Look Like in Ten Years."

People love to give their opinions, including billionaires and tech titans. 

If you are writing a book about the tech industry and where it's going, the titans of tech will want to be included.  They will want to offer their views.

You then send off FedEx packages requesting interviews to 50 titans of the tech industry.

Send packages off to Elon, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Larry Ellison and 50 or 100 others on the cutting edge of tech.  Follow up your FedEx packages with phone calls to their gatekeepers within a day of delivery of your FedEx package.

You will land interviews with major players in the tech industry if you do that – assuming your project is real and you have a decent body of work you can point to.

A physical Fed Ex package that shows up at the office has much more impact than an email.  Elon will never see your email.  Your email has no chance of getting through the gatekeeper.

A FedEx package at least has a chance to get a look.  A package of material that arrives via FedEx is likely to be important.  That's the thinking you're trying to trigger with your FedEx package.

Yes, FedEx is expensive, much more expensive than an email.  You'll need to decide, is the cost of the FedEx worth the bet?

When requesting a meeting with a high-level person, you must have a reason for why such a person would want to spend time meeting with you.  What's in it for the important person?  Why should she carve out time in her busy schedule to meet with you?

Well, people love to talk about themselves.  People love to give advice, share their wisdom.  They like to mentor young people. 

If you ask an accomplished person if they would be willing to be your mentor, there's a good chance they will say yes.  This is even more true with important people who are mostly retired and have more time on their hands.

Method #4: Hold Your Own Seminars

A great way to get business is to host your own seminars. 

I'm in the direct marketing business, mostly using direct marketing methods to raise money for non-profit causes I care about.  If I'm interested in landing new clients in the non-profit world or in politics, I'll make a list of clients I'd like to have.  I will then conduct a free seminar on the secrets of successful direct marketing fundraising.

The invitation will go out in the form of a letter, attractively packaged in a high-end envelope.  The envelope will look like it might contain a wedding invitation.  Or it might go out to prospective clients FedEx. 

In addition to the letter that explains the details, the package will contain an agenda or schedule with topics listed.  Also included will be a flier with a full-color photo of a book I wrote titled Fund Your Cause: Secrets of Successful Direct Mail Fundraising.

This is the most complete book ever written on the subject of direct mail fundraising.  It's really a textbook.  The flier tells the invitees that seminar attendees will receive a free copy of this book along with loose-leaf binder containing 100 of the Greatest Fundraising Letters Ever Written and a "Direct Mail Production Checklist" that will help you make sure nothing goes wrong with your mailings.

The letter of invitation makes clear that this invitation is not transferable without my permission.

I do this because I'm only interested in talking to organization leaders and decision-makers, not underlings who have no authority.

For those who don't respond to your mailing, you'll want to follow up with a phone call from your assistant to ask if they plan to attend.   Often people plan to attend when they get the mailing, but forget to respond because they've moved onto something else.  They need a reminder. 

It's always good to say something like: "The seminar is almost full.  We only have a few seats left. So Ben asked me to call you to see if we should reserve your seat.   He doesn't want you to miss out.  It's going to be a really valuable program."

When I hold one of these seminars, I never fail to land new business.  This method works every time.

The key is to invite the right people – a target list of potential clients or customers you've carefully assembled. Then make a compelling presentation.

Make it clear a nice lunch is included.

The seminar is not a sales pitch, not an infomercial.  The stated and actual purpose of the seminar is to show people how they can do this themselves.  But as they move through the seminar, they see there's a lot to it.

Might as well have the expert handle it – the expert who's standing behind the podium teaching.  People buy from those they know, like and trust.

Method #5:

Get Involved in Your Local Chamber of Commerce.

Local Chambers of Commerce are constantly hosting seminars, workshops and events for local business leaders.  This is a great way to network and meet with successful business leaders in your local area – many of whom will likely need your service.

Becoming involved in your local Chamber of Commerce increases your visibility in your community.  You will meet politicians and gain a voice in government.

If you want to meet wealthy high-achieving people who have the potential to become clients and customers, attend events where you will be seen and where you can meet wealthy high-achieving people.

Out of sight, out of mind.  Be in sight and in mind, so when these people need what you are selling, they will think of you.

Method #6: Host Brainstorming Sessions

As you build your network of high-achieving people, host periodic brainstorming sessions or mastermind groups. A topic might be to brainstorm a marketing strategy for your product or service.

People like to give advice and network with other high-achieving people.  People like to take time off from work and sit around a conference table brainstorming ideas.  It's fun.  They might get marketing ideas in these sessions for their own business.

Make sure you provide a nice lunch.  Make it an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Method #7:

Develop Good Networking Skills

When I attend business seminars, conferences, workshops or brainstorming sessions, the most important part of the event is the reception, lunch or dinner – the social part where you will have a chance to talk with people, either one-on-one or in small groups.

A good tactic is to ask the host to point out some people at the event who would be good to meet.  The host of the event will likely be happy to introduce you.  Or once the event host has pointed out some people of interest, you can walk up and introduce yourself.

I always try to get a list of people who will be attending an event I'm going to in advance of the event.  I'll try to find out something about the attendees.

See my section on page 258 of this book "How to Talk to Strangers."

After the pleasantries and because these are events involving business leaders, you'll want to keep your questions and comments mostly on what they do for a living, what their business does, and the topic of what was discussed at the event.

As always in conversation, mostly just listen and look to key off what the person is saying.  Look for ways to reinforce and extend on what the person just said.  When you sense the person is done with their comment, ask another question.  If he or she asks you questions, keep your answers brief – about five to 15 seconds.

Don't ask questions that require a lot of thought.

A question I sometimes ask is: "So give me the elevator pitch on what you do."

Follow up questions should be along the lines of: 

"Oh, that's very interesting.  How long have you been doing this?"

"Where do you see your industry heading?"

"Do you have a business card?  Here's mine.  Can I add you to my newsletter list?"

Just let conversations take a natural flow.  Very simple.  Don't try to dominate conversations.  Don't be a joker.  Don't try to be the life of the party.  Don't sound like you know it all.  Just ask questions and listen.

A guy I've known for a long time named Gary was attending a business meeting hosted by the company he was working for.  Gary was a Vice President of this company. Gary was cracking jokes and trying to be the life of the party.

Maybe he had a bit too much to drink. I'm not sure. Apparently, the owner of the company didn't think Gary's jokes were funny.

Gary was fired the next day.

Don't try to be the life of the party at business events. Jokes are very high-risk in business settings.

"That's interesting.  I've never thought of it that way" are the kinds of responses you should make to what's said – if a response like this makes sense.

Never express a complaint when talking with strangers.

Complaints are an instant turnoff.   Be positive.  Keep it light.   People do business with positive, upbeat people.

If you make an opinion-type of comment, usually end your comment with a question, such as "What did you think of X?"

If someone asks you a question requiring a specific answer, be specific with your response. 

If a business leader is asking you something specific about you and your business, it's likely he's interested in buying from you or hiring you.  There's a reason the conversation suddenly veered from small talk to specific questions about what you and your business do.

Don't forget my technique of carrying a stack of index cards in your pocket and a pen.  Make it a nice pen.  Better if it's a Mont Blank or Cross pen than a Bic.

If someone says something worth noting, take an index card out of your pocket and write it down.  Say: "That's very interesting.  Do you mind if I write this down?  I'm going to borrow this idea – and give you full credit, of course."

That will make an impression in a positive way.  This is how you become instantly likeable.

Everyone wants to be thought of as insightful, brilliant, wise.

Always have your stack of index cards and pen at the ready in business settings.  This is both attention-getting (in a positive way) and endearing.

If you're standing in a small group of three or four people and someone is talking, it's always good to ask if you can buy a round of drinks for the group. This also gets you noticed in a positive way – makes a good impression.  Buying a round of drinks or paying for dinner for a small group of business leaders is just about the cheapest advertising .  And it's high impact.  Be generous. 

Don't be a cheapskate.  No one likes cheapskates.

Everyone's impressed with the person who is quick to volunteer to pick up the tab.  This pays off.

If you're picking up the tab, everyone assumes you are someone worth knowing. And never forget always to exchange business cards so you can add your contacts to your newsletter list.

Make sure your website URL is on your business card.  Have an impressive website. 

Be a business card collecting machine.  Don't lose business cards.  Don't just throw them in a bowl or a drawer at home.  Add them to your list (your database of contacts) so these business leaders can get your newsletters, alerts about your podcasts, blog posts, and other info of interest you send out.

There's no contradiction between buying a round of drinks and picking up the tab for dinner while also being a strict budgeter.

The purpose of being a strict budgeter is to weed out wasteful spending.

Buying a round of drinks or buying dinner for wealthy businesspeople is cheap and highly effective advertising.  This investment will be returned exponentially in the form of business.

Remember, life is a numbers game.  It's largely about knowing how to take calculated risks – making good bets.  Buying a $500 or $1,000 Gucci handbag is not a good bet.

Meeting and developing relationships with very rich, high-achieving people won't happen on its own, won't happen if you never venture out of the office.  You need a system for making this happen.

From this system, opportunities will materialize.  Money, a lot of money will flow in almost automatically if you are just diligent about working this system.

Part 7: Brainwash Yourself To Success

Reframe Your Reality

You can reframe your reality.

Your reality becomes what your mind chooses to focus on.

Much of who you are today is based on memories you have – on past influences in your life.

Let's say you were bullied a lot as a kid.  This might cause you to think of yourself as a victim – especially if your most vivid childhood memories are of you being bullied, beat up, and mocked.

Or these memories might cause you to become consumed with anger – might trigger you to become a mass-shooter, as has occurred in some people.

But what if you could change your bad memories?

If you could change your bad memories, you could become a different person?

The truth is you can.

Your memories are mostly illusions.  Your memories are what you choose to focus on. 

Your memory of events erodes and blurs over time, becomes corrupted. Your brain can only store a certain amount of information.  Think of your brain as like memory in a computer.

Your brain has limited storage space for data. So you pick and choose the memories you want to keep in your mind. 

You can't possibly remember your entire childhood.  Your brain recalls only significant events, and only in a fragmentary way.

Your memories are illusions – almost entirely false recollections of events.

Even your most vivid memories are false.  Almost everyone my age will say they remember exactly what they were doing when they heard or saw the news about the attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon on September 11, 2001.  But even your memory of that traumatic event is almost certainly distorted.

Do you really remember everything you did that day?

Probably not.  You remember bits and pieces of it.  Your mind has since stitched together a story about what you did that day.  But it's not accurate.

In the 1980s and '90s, psychiatrists and psychologists were causing patients to falsely recall horrific sexual and other abuse in childhood.

These therapists subscribed to the Freudian theory of repressed memories, that the mind tends to repress memories of horrific events as a defense mechanism. 

Patients were told these events in their childhood were causing their psychological and emotional problems in adulthood.  But it became apparent that these therapists were planting false memories into the minds of their patients over many weeks of suggestive brainwashing. 

This was unintentional by therapists. They thought they were helping by unearthing a vast trove of forgotten events that could be the key to unlocking psychological and emotional issues in the past of their patients – perhaps horrific events the patients had repressed in their minds as a self-protection mechanism.

The thinking was that the patient had to confront these repressed and buried memories of these horrific events to become a healthy, functioning person again.

Imaginary events unintentionally became vivid memories these patients believed to be real.

So people really thought they were sexually molested by their father when they really hadn't been.

For more on this, read The Myth of Repressed Memory: False Memories & Allegations of Sexual Abuse, by Dr. Elizabeth Loftus.  

This is why eye-witness testimony at trials is so unreliable.  It's shockingly easy for police to lead witnesses to tell a false story – usually unintentionally by the police. 

It's not that the witness intends their account to be false.  But the police can easily introduce thoughts and images that cause a witness to recall what they saw falsely.

The scene is familiar to all who watch the TV series Law & Order.   Police have a witness and ask the witness to view a line-up.  Police say something suggestive, like: "We know who the rapist is, we just need you to pick him out of a line-up."

The witness wants to be helpful, so strains her eyes – which then focus in on one who looks kind of like the perp.

She then persuades herself to say:  "Yes, that's the guy!"

"Are you sure?" the police ask.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure."

She's not purposefully giving false testimony.  But the police are all standing there.  She's been at the station for hours, answering questions, and looking at photos.  The pressure is on to catch the rapist.  She's trying to be helpful.

Or let's say the rape victim is recovering in the hospital.  A police artist comes in and draws a sketch based on her description.  She's then shown photos and spots one that looks kind of like the sketch she helped draw. 

"That's the guy," she says.

People's minds are very susceptible to the power of suggestion.

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor says eyewitness testimony is “a unique threat to the fairness of trial.” Sotomayor cites research showing that misidentifications are the “single greatest cause” of wrong convictions in America.

Dr. Elizabeth Loftus has written extensively on problems with eyewitness testimony – including in her books Eyewitness Testimony and Memory.

Nearly 70 percent of people convicted of crimes, but then exonerated later by DNA evidence, were originally convicted by eyewitness testimony that was false – not intentionally false, simply a false recollection.

Even more surprising, people can be talked into making false confessions – actually confessing to a murder they didn't commit.  The non-profit organization the Innocence Project has used DNA evidence to clear more than 100 people who falsely claimed they had murdered someone.

False confessions are usually produced with the "Good Cop, Bad Cop" technique.

The tough cop berates the suspect for hours with questions and threats.  Then the nice cop arrives with an easy off-ramp for the suspect by sounding understanding and compassionate.  Then the tough cop comes back into the interrogation room. The nice cop leaves.  This goes on for hours.  The nice understanding cop comes back in; then leaves.  The tough cop comes back in.

After many hours of interrogation and sleep deprivation, this becomes brainwashing.  A false confession is produced when the suspect hits a psychological breaking point.  The suspect wants the pain to stop.

The false confession is usually produced by the nice understanding cop – the psychological off ramp.

Under pressure, people can become genuinely confused about what actually occurred, even about events that happened a short time ago – even more vague and unsure about what might have happened years and decades ago.

The science of hypnosis is built on the mind's susceptibility to suggestion.

Another good book on this is The Memory Illusion by Julia Shaw.  In this book, she describes an experiment where she attempts to create false memories in participants in her study.  Shaw writes:

"Simply by using a magic memory mix of misinformation, imagination and repetition, 70 percent of my sample came to create a memory that they committed a crime, and 77 percent created false memories of other kinds of highly emotional events.  I found that not only did most participants give me many details about the events, but often the details were even “multi-sensory.” Participants reported they could remember seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling and even tasting things in the memory. My sample was comprised of young adults who had no noticeable intellectual disabilities or mental illnesses."

So your memories are almost all false.  They are based on some version of reality.  You have created a story about yourself in your mind by choosing to focus on certain images and pictures of what happened, fragments of information that stand out.  Your mind then fills in the rest.

I think I remember my father very well.  He was a Professor of English Literature and very influential in my life.  But in reality, I can probably recall maybe 100 things about him vividly – things we did together, funny things he said.

We played tennis hundreds of times when I was growing up.  I can actually remember maybe three or four times.  I can't remember what happened in these tennis matches.  I just remember they occurred, with fragmentary snippets, like frames in a movie.

So if I were to write a book or make a movie of my childhood, I'd have to make up most of it. 

"I think this is what happened" . . . "I think it went something like this."

I would then create a story that approximated some version of what actually happened.

When I wrote my first book Poisoned Ivy, people asked me how I remembered dialogue between me and my friends and professors so clearly.  "Were you taking notes?" they would ask.

No, of course not.  Something like the conversations reported in the book occurred.  Or they were typical of conversations we had.  The fraternity party I described was typical of parties we had.

Memories fade with time and change with time.

When my dad was in a nursing home before he passed, he kept telling a story from his youth that I had never heard before.  He kept telling this story over and over again.

I asked his wife Nancy: "Had you ever heard this story before?"

"I don't think this ever happened," she said.  "He just started telling it about a year ago.  But he obviously thinks it happened.  It's his reality."

We can all change our reality by choosing what memories to focus on.  I was small and skinny as a kid and experienced probably more than my share of being bullied.

I choose to remember how I fought back against the bullies, how I stood up to them.

My late mom would remember it differently.  She would say:  "Oh, those kids were really terrible to you. I remember when you came home with a bloody nose, a black eye, your clothes torn."

I would say: "Well, yeah.  But you should have seen the other guy.  I really took care of him."

Some say: "You don't have to be defined by your past."

I say: "You can actually change your past and change your memories by choosing what to focus on and what to remember."

I don't remember being any kind of victim of bullies.  I remember fighting back against the bullies.  I've transformed these incidents into a positive memory – no doubt embellished the fighting back part in my mind.

But that's how I chose to frame these events in my mind.

I spent eight nights in the Fairfax County jail in 2006 for "contempt of court."

Most would think: "That's pretty bad."

I choose to remember it positively – a learning experience.  I know what it's like to be in jail.  I met a lot of interesting people in jail.  I learned I don't want to go back there again.

I sure didn't like it at the time.  But I find it amusing when I think back on it – comic, in many ways.

Memories can be molded like plastic. 

Your brain will cherry-pick memories to hold on to.  You can let your brain do this naturally, on its own.  Or you can direct your brain as to what memories to keep at the forefront and what memories to bury. 

You can reframe memories to emphasize the positive instead of the negative.

On one level, this might seem alarming.  There are certainly downsides to this.  But there's also great power in it.

One of my favorite stories is The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.  You probably know the story, set in the 1920s.

The central character is Jay Gatsby whose real name is James Gatz.

Gatz came from a poor background in rural North Dakota.  He attended a local college for a short period and worked for a time as a janitor.  At age 17, he changed his name to Jay Gatsby.   He went into the army, fought in World War One, and achieved the rank of Major.

After the war, he spent some time in the United Kingdom, attended Oxford for five months, then arrived in New York City.  It's suggested he made his money as a bootlegger, though that's not confirmed.

He had somehow made enough money to be able to buy an enormous mansion in the fictional town of West Egg on Long Island.

His past is mysterious.  But, as Jay Gatsby, he decided to become the center of social life among the rich in Long Island.  He decided to reframe his reality.

Gatsby was a flawed character and the story ended badly.  But one of the big points of the story is you don't have to let your past define who you are now. 

This is something like "fake it until you make it."

But it's more than that.  It's changing reality for you.  It's not changing base reality.  There is a base reality, but we don't have access to it.

All we know is our reality, which we can change by preprogramming our minds.  We do this by choosing what to focus on and what not to focus on – including what events in our past to remember and how we remember these events.

Part of what makes America great is people don't have to be trapped by their past or where they came from.

You can reframe your reality – to literally become a different person than you were in almost every way.

The Power of Affirmations

If I decide on a goal I really want to achieve, I will write this 10 times per day on a pad of paper;

"I, Ben Hart, will [Insert Goal] by [Insert Deadline]."

This is not my original idea.  Many psychologists have written about the Power of Affirmations. It's a well-established psychological technique.

Affirmations are a form of self-brainwashing.

Brainwashing has a negative connotation to it.  When people hear the word "brainwashing," we might think of the Jonestown suicide cult, or the Manson Family, or Communist reeducation camps.

Those are bad forms of brainwashing.

But brainwashing can also have positive outcomes.  When kids recite the "Pledge of Allegiance" at the start of each school day, that's brainwashing also.  But it's a positive kind.  It's brainwashing children to be patriotic and love the country.

You can brainwash yourself to have a positive attitude toward life instead of a negative attitude, to have a good work ethic instead of a poor work ethic, to set goals instead of being aimless, to be optimistic instead of pessimistic, to be happy instead of angry, to be thankful instead of resentful.

I have found Affirmations to be a great brainwashing technique that powers me to set and achieve big goals.

You want to reserve this technique for big goals that might take six months or one year to achieve.

You wouldn't want to use this technique for small goals, like "I, Ben Hart, will take the car for an oil change on Saturday."

A goal like that just goes on your schedule.  That's not a big enough goal for the Affirmations technique.

You want to use the Affirmations technique for one or two big goals per year.  The kinds of  goals I set are:

1) "I, Ben Hart, will earn $750,000 this year."

2) "I, Ben Hart, will write and publish my new book this year."

You would not want to use this technique for goals that are impossible.  I would not want to make this my daily affirmation: "I, Ben Hart, will win a gold medal in the 100-meter dash at the next Olympics."

That would be an ineffective use of this Affirmations technique because that goal is unrealistic for me.

I use this Affirmations technique to keep me focused on achieving one or two big goals for the year – goals that are doable if I really push myself.

Almost always I have achieved whatever I decide are my Affirmations for the year.

Some writers have ascribed supernatural powers to Affirmations.

Some say you can actually harness the power of the universe with affirmations to achieve whatever goal you want to achieve.  Followers of The Secret hold this view.  It's a view prevalent in New Age thinking.  This has also been a view promoted by Norman Vincent Peale with his book The Power of Positive Thinking.

There are a number of prominent Christian pastors, such as Joel Osteen, who preach a version of this with what some call The Prosperity Gospel.

The idea with The Prosperity Gospel is that God wants us all to be rich.  So if we are in sync with God's will and living a good Christian life, God will shower us with blessings, to include financial blessings.

This is a complete perversion of the real Gospel, in my view.  Jesus did not appear to be especially concerned with our material comforts.  He was interested in our spiritual life.  Our reward is waiting for us in Heaven, not here so much.

Gamblers who frequent casinos regularly often believe that if they think positively and believe they are lucky, they will win at gambling.  So you will often see roulette players talking to the spinning wheel – telling the bouncing ball to fall into the 32 slot, or the green zero slot, or the red slot.  "Please be red!" someone will say.

They are using "Affirmations" in an effort to help them win at gambling.

This is not an effective use of Affirmations.

Studies have been done to try to find out if people who consider themselves to be generally "lucky" have better luck in gambling than people who consider themselves "unlucky."

Every study on this topic finds no difference in results at games of chance between people who feel they are lucky and people who feel they are generally unlucky.

There's no evidence the power of positive thinking or the Affirmations technique will help you at roulette, craps or other games of chance.

In my view, Affirmations has nothing to do with harnessing the power of the universe, God's power, or in any way changing the base nature of reality.

It's just a self-brainwashing technique.  But it works.

It works because if you make the commitment to write one or two big goals for the year ten times each day on a pad of paper, you are probably going to put in the effort needed each day to achieve them.

You are also probably going to pick goals you really want to achieve.  Otherwise, why go to the trouble of writing them down ten times a day?  That would be a waste of time and effort if you're not really serious about the goal.

So by picking just two big doable goals you want to achieve for the year helps you focus your energy on the two best ones – the two big ones that will deliver the most impact on your life.

I have had many goals that I have not achieved.  But I can't remember ever not achieving a realistic goal where I employed this Affirmations technique.

The goals I had that fell by the wayside were not goals I had selected for the Affirmations technique, evidently because I did not think them important enough to qualify for the two big goals I set for myself that year.

Limiting Affirmations to two or at most three goals you want to achieve in a year helps you prioritize your goals and focus your energy on these goals.

My schedule for writing down my affirmations 10 times per day is five times before I go to bed at night.  Then twice when I wake up in the morning, then three more times at Noon – each day.

I do this routine twice if I have two big goals.  So that means I write down Affirmations 20 times per day.

That's enough – which is why I limit myself to having two major goals for the year.

If I complete one sooner than expected, I'll set another big goal.

More than two big goals happening at the same time is probably too many. 

You'd be spending too much time writing down your Affirmations and not enough time actually doing the work needed to achieve your important goal.

That's why this Affirmations technique helps you prioritize and focus in on what's really important to you – one or two BIG IMPACT goals per year.  This helps you weed out and eliminate everything else.

How to Stop Procrastinating

A big theme of this book is that our brains are programable.  Our brains are like plastic and can be molded.  We can become brainwashed – in both good and bad ways.  When children say the Pledge of Allegiance each day at school, they are being brainwashed to be patriotic. 

That's good brainwashing.  When Jim Jones brainwashed his cult followers to commit mass-suicide, that's bad brainwashing.  When Charles Manson brainwashed his followers to commit mass-murders on his command, that's bad brainwashing.  These examples (and many others) show how moldable our minds really are – how prone we are to being brainwashed.

Well, we can brainwash ourselves.

This is a variation on the power of the "Affirmations Technique" we just covered.

For example, try simply repeating to yourself over and over again each day this phrase: "I am a person who completes projects."

You can add in variations, such as: "I am not a person who quits a project before the project is completed."

Our tendency is to become the person we believe we are.  We can brand ourselves both in our own minds and in the minds of others.

But first you must brand yourself in your own mind.  You will then become the brand you believe you are.

If you want to learn how to dance, don't say "I would like to learn how to dance."  Say: "I am a dancer."

If you believe you "are a dancer" and if you are telling everyone you see that you "are a dancer," you'd better become a dancer.  And quick.

Do you see the difference in mindset?

"I would like to become a dancer."  That's passive.  That's the way procrastinators talk.

Elon Musk doesn't think: "I would like to colonize Mars."  Or "My dream is to colonize Mars" . . . or even "My goal is to colonize Mars."

Elon doesn't say any of this.

He says: "We are colonizing Mars."

Big difference.

If you are undertaking a big project, plot out daily bite-sized projects to complete that will add up to completing the big project over time.  The key is to have a definable project you complete each day.

You then complete that daily project come Hell or High Water.

So make each day's project something manageable that you really can complete.

When I set out to write a book, my daily project is to write three pages a day.  That's it.  Then after 100 days, I have a 300-page manuscript.

If I have a very unpleasant project I have to attend to – let's say get some price estimates to replace our roof.  Yuck.  Not real eager to drop $30,000 for a new roof.

So I might break that unpleasant task down into several parts.

Today, I'll research some local roofers and get three phone numbers.  And that's it for the day. 

The reason taking a tiny step toward completing the unpleasant task works so well is it starts the boulder rolling. The hardest part of rolling a boulder is starting it.  It then builds momentum.

So that will be STEP ONE.  Completed.

Then tomorrow I'll call these prospective roofers and ask them to come over and give me an estimate.  Then I'll ask for references.

By the time I've done all this, I'm no longer in denial about needing a new roof.  I've reoriented my thinking to accept the fact that I will need to fork over $30,000 for the new roof.

It's just the new reality.  I've left the old reality.  I've now accepted the new reality.

Overcoming procrastination often involves just reorienting your mindset, reframing the project, and even becoming the project.  "I am a completer of projects."

When completing the project is wrapped up in who you are as a person, you will complete it.

Don't say: "I'd like to learn software coding."  Say "I am a software coder."

Then do it. And be it.   You can brainwash yourself to be a doer, not a procrastinator.

How to Create Healthy Addictions Instead of Unhealthy Addictions

The human brain is an addiction machine.

It hunts for things to become addicted to – always searching to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain.

So it's very easy to become addicted to drugs, alcohol, social media, TV, tobacco, sex, video games, gambling, driving fast.

You will become addicted to things.  The question is: What will be your addictions?

The good news is you can change your addictions.  Your brain only has room for a certain number of addictions.  Your brain picks and chooses what to become addicted to.

You can either direct your brain to become addicted to something healthy.  Or you can just let your brain wander on its own and choose its addictions.

Your brain is like plastic.  You can mold your brain to substitute healthy addictions in place of unhealthy addictions.

I come from a family of alcoholics. My father was a high-functioning alcoholic.  His father was an alcoholic.

So alcoholism runs in my family.

I've known this is something I need to watch out for.

I got used to drinking a glass or two of wine for dinner.  But to check myself, I would go for three consecutive days per month with no wine at dinner to see if it would bother me.

Eventually it did.  I had gotten used to having wine at dinner.  Wine with dinner had become part of my routine.  Dinner seemed to be missing something without wine.

It wasn't that I needed the wine.  But I was slightly annoyed that there was no wine with dinner on these three nights of the month.  Something just seemed off.

I decided this was on the verge of becoming a problem.

I knew that habits become addictions.

So I decided to reprogram my brain to think of wine as "poison."

"Yes, I'll have a glass of red poison please" doesn't sound as good as "I'll have a glass of red wine please."

Pouring a glass of poison to drink doesn't sound as good as pouring a glass of wine.

That simple trick of substituting the word "poison" for "wine" worked for me.

But still, something seemed to be missing from dinner.  I needed something to replace the wine, something healthy that would also taste good.

I opted for an ice cold fruit and veggie smoothie at dinner.

The fruit adds some sweetness to make veggies taste good.  It's mixed with crushed ice.

It tastes great and it's healthy.  I now like it much better than wine.

To get off an unhealthy addiction, you must replace it with a healthy addiction.  It's not enough to just eliminate the unhealthy addiction.

Your brain will just keep craving the unhealthy addiction.

Willpower alone won't be enough to keep you from going back to it unless you replace it with something that becomes your new addiction.

The addiction is really not so much in the substance itself.  It's not so much the wine that was addicting.  It was the anticipation of having the wine with dinner that was the addiction.

The anticipation is the addiction.  Anticipation is created by habit and routine. If you change your habits and routines, you can change your addictions.

To break the wine with dinner routine, the first step was to think of wine as poison. Then to substitute the poison for a healthy addiction – an ice cold fruit and veggie smoothie with dinner. 

That's now my addiction because it's become my new routine.  We are creatures of habit and routine.  Change your habits and you change your addictions.  Now if my dinner does not include an ice cold fruit and veggie smoothie, I feel something is missing.

I still have wine when I go out for dinner with Wanda.  It's just no longer part of my nightly routine at home.  We have no alcohol in the house.

You can brainwash yourself to become addicted to healthy things rather than unhealthy things.

You can become addicted to exercise if you make exercise part of your daily scheduled routine.  The addiction comes from the improvements you are making.

When I miss my exercise schedule because I have to be on the road for a meeting, this annoys me.  I feel I'm losing ground if I can't exercise that day.

I'm addicted to my daily exercise routine.  I can't imagine ever stopping.  It's part of who I am, part of my identity.

You can become addicted to productivity.  This addiction comes from the daily progress you are making and projects you are completing.  I feel pleasure when I've completed my writing project.

My guess is Elon is addicted to productivity.  He no doubt feels immense pleasure when he's completed construction of a new Tesla factory or successfully launched a new rocket into space.

Getting stuff done is his addiction.

You could become addicted to your daily flogging with bamboo canes if you were convinced in your mind that a daily flogging is good for you – will enable you to live longer and become richer.

Your mind is programable and re-programable.

You can change your tastes.  People change their tastes all the time.

When I was young, I thought coffee tasted awful.

Then I started drinking coffee in college to keep me alert when studying. So I got to love the taste of coffee.  I started making my coffee blacker and stronger.

Recently, I've decided to wean myself off coffee because I want to consume less caffeine.  I'm now making it 30 percent as strong, so it's almost like warm brown water with a slight coffee taste.

When I first started doing this, I thought:  "Ugh.  This tastes awful."

But I kept making my coffee this way.

Now I like it.  Now the very strong black coffee tastes terrible to me. I did the same with sugar as a teenager when I read about how terrible sugar is for us. 

I stopped putting sugar on my cereal, stopped using sugar in my tea, stopped eating dessert, stopped eating ice cream, started eating whole foods instead of packaged foods to avoid sugar, plus all the other horrible ingredients in packaged foods.

I got so I can't stand sugar.  Even natural sugar in bananas is too sweet for me. I much prefer to eat a bag of green beans or broccoli.

I used to hate broccoli and brussels sprouts. 

Now I love them.  I think if we were to discover that getting a daily flogging with bamboo canes is actually good for us and leads to a longer, healthier life, we could learn to love our daily flogging.

The truth is we can brainwash ourselves into getting used to and even loving almost anything if we are convinced in our minds that it's good for us and will lead to great things in the future.

So we can change our tastes.  And we can change our addictions and passions simply by deciding to do something else, and then making this new activity, this new course of action, part of our daily routine – part of our lifestyle, like brushing your teeth.

You can literally brainwash yourself into having healthy addictions instead of unhealthy addictions, into being addicted to activities that will make you rich and healthy instead of poor and unhealthy.

Part 8: How to Become a Confident Person

Success in Life is Very Difficult Without Self-Confidence

Having self-confidence is crucial to having a successful, happy, and fulfilling life.  Having a healthy self-confidence will . . .

help you perform well in school

help you be attractive to the opposite sex

help you get the job you want

help you get promotions

help you negotiate higher pay

help you achieve your goals in life

Think about the kinds of people you would want to hire to do a job for you.

Would you rather trust your life to an airline pilot who looks confident, or to an airline pilot who looks nervous and unsure of himself?

Do you want a confident surgeon operating on you, or a surgeon who doesn’t look like he knows what he’s doing?

You can certainly make a strong case for “setting goals” as being a more important factor than confidence for achieving success in life.  If you don’t set goals, you’ll never achieve much.

That’s certainly true.  But people who lack confidence tend not to set goals because they don’t believe they can achieve their goals.

People who lack confidence tend not to act.

People who lack self-confidence have trained themselves to expect failure. They then become paralyzed into inaction by this fear of failure.  They become psychologically almost incapable of setting goals.

Having self-confidence is a necessary prerequisite to setting goals . . . because self-confidence means you believe you can and will achieve what you set out to achieve.

The opposite of confidence is the belief that your efforts will result in failure.

You drive a car because you are confident this will allow you to get to your destination.

But what if you believed that every time you got into the car you would end up in a car crash?

This would cause you to avoid getting into the car at all costs.

Some guys never get around to asking a girl on a date because they expect rejection. 

They think they will look foolish. They imagine humiliation.  They imagine themselves stuttering and unable to get the words out.  So they never get around to asking a girl out.  They avoid even trying to have a conversation with a girl who has caught their eye.

People who lack confidence tend to go through life as spectators instead of as participants.  They never get around to doing much because they are so fearful of failure.

Confident people are doers.

Could someone who lacks self-confidence ever become a corporate CEO, start a business, become President of the United States?

Hard to see how.

Can you name a President of the United States who lacked self-confidence?

By the way, confidence is not arrogance. Confidence is not cockiness. Arrogant people often use arrogance as a way to mask their lack of confidence.

Confidence is an attractive trait. Arrogance is not.

The world loves to knock arrogant people down a few pegs. 

People are drawn to confident people, repelled by arrogant people.

Confident people smile, are friendly, are fun to be around.  They are outgoing.

Ronald Reagan was a confident person, not arrogant.  Mother Theresa was a confident person, certainly not arrogant or cocky.

Life will be better for you in almost every way if you are a confident person.

But is it possible for someone who lacks confidence to train themselves to become a confident person?

Absolutely.  Here's how . . .

Learn to Project Confidence Even If You Are Not At All Confident

Not boasting here.  But I’m one of the best I know at how to do this.  I always try to project confidence even when I am not the least bit confident.

I’ll give you one short story to illustrate the point.

My first job out of college was as a junior reporter at The Washington Times in Washington, DC.

This was in 1982.  As a junior reporter, I was assigned to the night desk.  My job was to cover local crime stories.

Washington, DC, was the murder capital of the United States at this time.  There were more murders per capita in Washington, DC than any other city in the country.  So there was plenty of material for me to write about.

I’d call the Washington, DC Metro Police to get a rundown of the murders, robberies and other mayhem that had been committed that night, and write them up for the paper. 

The Washington Times was located in a very bad area of the city – on Northeast New York Avenue.

When 4 a.m. hit, it was time for me to head home.

But no cabs would come to that area of town at that time because it was just too dangerous.

Even if they could, I was unable afford a cab anyway because I was basically paid minimum wage, being a junior reporter just out of college.  I was making something like $6 per hour.

So I would just walk home – about a two mile walk through one of the worst parts of Washington, DC at 4 a.m. – dressed in a blue blazer, necktie, khaki trousers, carrying a brief case.

I looked like the ideal robbery target.

But I figured if I just looked very confident walking down the street, the gangsters and thugs would leave me alone.  Maybe they’d figure this must be some kind of police set-up . . . because there’s no possible way this white kid could be walking down this street looking like that unless something was up.

So that’s what I did – for the most part without incident.

But one night I did get beaten up and robbed.

A couple of teenagers came out of nowhere, stuck a knife in my ribs, hit me in the face, broke my glasses, and took my wallet – which had about $1 in it.

Fortunately, it was summer, and some people (including gangsters) came off their porches and out of the alleyways to chase the teenage thugs off.

I just told them the truth.  I was in my first job making minimum wage.  So I had to walk home every night because there were no buses and no cabs.  I couldn’t afford a cab anyway.

They said they had seen me walking through there every night. I was the talk of their neighborhood, they said.  They all wondered who this guy could be.  "Is he Clark Kent?"

But they seemed to think I was okay.

So I was able to walk home that way every night after that without incident – protected by the residents of that really bad area who now knew me.  They'd be sitting on their porches or standing on the street. Some looked like gangsters. I’d wave to them, say Hello.  They’d ask me how I was doing.

They seemed to sort of admire me.

I looked confident, unflappable.

They also knew I had no money.

But if I had looked nervous and scared, I doubt I would have lasted long out there.

One of the great movies that teaches this lesson brilliantly is The Man Who Would Be King with Sean Connery and Michael Caine.

This is one of my favorite movies of all time.

In this movie, two British criminals manage to conquer much of Afghanistan by pretending they are gods.  These two roguish guys actually conquered entire countries simply by projecting confidence – by pretending they are gods.

The scheme comes to an end when Sean Connery decides to marry a native girl. Terrified of marrying a God because she thinks she’ll burst into flames, she scratches Connery. 

Blood begins to flow.

A god doesn’t bleed.  So it becomes clear to the natives that he’s not a God. He’s a fraud.

The Michael Caine character says: "We've got to brass it out, Danny.  Brass it out, Danny.  Brass it out."

They then try to walk calmly through the large crowd of natives.

It didn't work out well for them.

But often in life you just have to “brass it out.” 

My situation was a little like that when I would have to walk home from work every night at 4 a.m. traversing one of the most dangerous areas in Washington, DC.  I just had to "brass it out."

I adopt something pretty close to this approach in other areas of my business and life.

I believe that a lot of times you just have to “brass it out.”  Pretend you belong there, even if you really don’t.

Pretend you know what you are doing, even if you don’t.  "Fake it until you make it."

Yes, "fake it until you make it" is a thing.  All successful people fake it for a while.  Then they make it.

The truth is, very few of us really know what we’re doing.  We pretend to be experts on the premise that “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is King.”

Let's face it, if someone shows up at your house to fix your plumbing problem, how do you know if he knows anything about plumbing?

You just have to hope he does.  He seems to have a plumber’s truck, and that’s about all you know.

You’re just happy he’s there and claims to know something about plumbing.  He seems confident.

I had this “brass it out” approach when I first opened my consulting business.

When I quit my full-time paying job and launched my business, I had no customers and no clients.

My philosophy has always been: “If you’re going to do something, just do it.  Just dive in. Don’t wade in. Dive in. Better yet, dive off the ten-meter platform.  Make a big splash.”

For the first three months or so, I had basically no income.  My wife (my first wife) was pretty freaked out about it.

My business started out as a speechwriting business.

I had written speeches for many famous political figures – including Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.  So that was a natural business for me to start.

But then I discovered that I could make a lot more money by writing direct mail advertisements.

I discovered this because my biggest client was a direct mail marketing agency.  Though my projects were to write advertising copy, I learned something about the business – enough to transition my business from speechwriting to direct mail marketing.

To land more clients, I pretended to know more about direct mail marketing than I really did.

I decided to “fake it until I made it.”

Of course, I studied up on direct marketing once I decided that was the business for me.  I hired an expert on lists, an expert on printing and mailing (production) and a graphic artist.  That was my agency.

I did learn a lot about direct marketing over time.  I read all kinds of books, attended direct marketing seminars, learned everything I could about the field.  My mentor was Richard Viguerie, the pioneer and really almost the inventor of political direct mail fundraising.

How was I able to get Richard Viguerie to become my mentor and teach me everything I he knew about direct marketing?  Simple:  I asked him to be by mentor and coach.

He was more than happy to so long as I was writing for his agency – which I was more than thrilled to do.

I then went on to build a multi-million-dollar-a-year direct mail advertising agency.

But when I first started my direct mail marketing agency, I really knew nothing about direct mail marketing – except that it’s a good way to make a lot of money.

I had no trouble landing clients my first couple of years in business because even though I did not know much about direct mail marketing at first, I knew more than my clients did.

I spoke with confidence on the subject.

I “brassed it out” at the meetings – spoke with authority, with flip charts, white boards, chalk boards, and PowerPoint presentations that looked real official.

Well, I’m still in that business – having mailed more than one billion postal letters that have generated more than one billion dollars in sales, donations, and membership fees over the last 34 years or so.

I’ve since written books on the subject.

I’m considered an expert in the field.  I have gotten to be good at it.  I know a lot about direct marketing now.

But it sure wasn’t that way when I started my business.  I knew almost nothing about this business when I started my agency.

I was just good at acting like I knew what I was doing.

I used to joke that if someone came to me and asked me if I could build a bridge across the Potomac River, my answer would be: “Of course I can. Absolutely.”

Then I would scramble like heck to find someone who could build the bridge.

Fortunately, no one ever asked me to do that.

When I was starting my business, my answer to prospective clients was always “Yes.  Sure, we can do that for you. Absolutely.  No problem!”

Then I’d find a way to get it done.

As I grew my agency, I could become more selective about the clients I accepted.  But at first, I accepted just about any business that came in.

I've always believed the best way to learn is by doing.  You'll learn how to swim immediately by jumping in the pool.

If you absolutely must learn how to do something or you'll die, the odds are you'll learn how to do it.

Overcome "Imposter Syndrome"

The Imposter Syndrome tends to afflict high-achieving people who doubt their abilities.

They believe they achieved their success through luck. They dread being exposed as imposters, phonies.

You can feel this way in a new job you've just landed.  You sold yourself well, got hired.  But you really don't know much.

Almost everyone feels this way.   When I started my ad agency, I did not know much.  I worried my lack of real knowledge and expertise about the field would be found out; that I would at some point be "exposed as a fraud."

But as I've gone through life, I've come to the conclusion that most so-called experts know very little. 

The so-called experts CNBC has on every day to give us their latest take on the stock market are usually wrong.  CNBC's star host Jim Cramer is almost never right.

In fact, you would likely do very well at investing if you just do the exact opposite of what Jim Cramer advises his viewers to do.

Yet, Jim Cramer is very successful.  He's paid millions of dollars by CNBC to spout his opinions . . . because he projects confidence.

He always sounds certain.

Most billionaires I've met are emotional and psychological basket cases – very insecure people for the most part.

They are human beings who put their trousers on the same way you do.  They have many of the same fears and insecurities you have. Just like you and me, they dread being exposed as frauds and imposters.

They aren't necessarily frauds or imposters, but they feel they are in some deep psychological core of their being.  They think maybe they just got lucky.  They wonder: What if I lose it all?

So when you fear being exposed as an imposter, just understand almost everyone has the same fear. 

The opposite of the "Imposter Syndrome" is the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

These are people who overestimate their abilities: Icarus flying too close to the sun, General Custer at Little Bighorn, Napoleon at Waterloo. 

In reality, we are all a mix of "Imposter Syndrome" and "Dunning-Kruger Effect."

People who have success in life tend to tip more toward the Dunning-Kruger Effect – tip toward over-confidence and overestimation of their abilities.  But they all are also afflicted by "Imposter Syndrome" more than you might think.

They are usually just better at hiding their insecurities than most people, better at projecting confidence – better at "brassing it out" and "faking it until they made it."

Everyone suffers from "Imposter Syndrome."

But then, after a while, if we keep working on it, we get better at whatever we were pretending to be an expert at.  You discover that even though you didn't know much, you knew more than 99 percent.

In the Land of the Blind, the one-eyed man is King.

Visualize Success

Whatever you are setting out to do, visualize success.

I like to play golf.  Whenever you are setting up to hit a tee shot, you can either focus on the center of the fairway – where you want the ball to end up.  Or you can look at all the hazards that are out there waiting for your ball – the water on the left, the sand traps, and the woods on the right.

If you spend your time on the tee focusing on the water that’s running down the left side of the fairway, that’s probably where your ball will end up.

Train your mind instead to block out all images of failure and disaster.  Look down the middle of the fairway, block out all the hazards down the sides of the fairway, and then make a smooth confident swing through the ball.

If you think this way, your chances of success improve by about ten-fold.

If you think you will fail, almost certainly you will fail.

I'll never forget what happened to the great golfer Scott Hoch.  I watched him miss a two-foot putt that would have won him the Masters in 1989.

Obviously, Scott Hoch could make that putt 1,000 times in a row on the practice green.

But when the Masters was on the line, his hand twitched ever so slightly. Why did his hand twitch?

No doubt, a negative thought crept into his mind. “What if I miss?”

“If I miss, I’ll be the world’s laughingstock.  If I miss, I’ll be the world’s most famous loser?  If I miss, all the fame, prestige and wealth that will come with making this two-foot putt will go up in smoke.”

So guess what?  This great pro golfer Scott Hoch missed that two-foot putt . . .  because a negative thought crept into his head.  He visualized failure instead of success.

If you visualize success, if you visualize good things happening, good things are far more likely to happen.

But you might be thinking: How can I visualize success if I lack self-confidence to begin with?

How can I visualize success if I really haven’t had much success?  Or any success?

Ask Yourself: What’s the Worst Thing That Can Happen If I Fail?

What's the worst thing that could happen to Scott Hoch if he missed that two-foot putt?

The worst thing that could happen was what happened: He did not win the Masters.

But he was still a great golfer.  He won many other professional golf tournaments.  He made tens of millions of dollars during his career as a great golfer.  He was among the best golfers of his day.

He had the lowest scoring average of any golfer in the world in 1986.

99.99% of golfers out there would have loved to have had Scott Hoch’s career. And was Scott Hoch really the world’s laughingstock for missing that putt at the Masters?

No.

People felt terrible for Scott Hoch.  Anyone who has ever golfed can certainly imagine themselves missing that two-foot putt.  Every golfer has missed two-foot putts.

All golf fans admire Scott Hoch for the great golf career he had.

How many people in world history have ever even had a two-foot putt to win the Masters?

How many people were good enough even to be in that position?

Not many.

Life went on for Scott Hoch.  He had a great golf career – that was just not quite as good as it could have been if he had just made that two-foot putt.

Okay. So what?

Life goes on.  Onto the next chapter in life.  That’s how you have to look at it.

So let’s say you're a teenager and a girl catches your eye.  You decide you want to ask her out.

You’re a little nervous. Maybe you're very nervous.

You wonder how to get a conversation going.  Should I just walk up and say “Hi” or should I wait for another opportunity – another opportunity that might never come up?

What if I try to talk to her and she just turns her back and walks away?

What if I start stuttering and stumbling and can’t get the words out?

All these negative thoughts flash through your mind.

You become paralyzed by fear. You do nothing.  You walk away slump-shouldered and dejected.  You kick yourself for being such a coward.

But what’s the worst thing that can happen if you walk up to her and just say “Hello.”

The very worst thing that can happen is she turns her back and walks away. 

So yes, that might happen.

So what?

In rare circumstances, such as if you're in high school or middle school, she might break out into hysterical laughter while pointing out your big ears to her friends.

Then you just smile confidently and say: "Have a great day and move on."

Even if she does all that, you’ll feel better about yourself for having the courage to go up to her and say “Hi, my name is Jim.  What's your name?"

But guess what.  If you say “Hello” in a confident friendly way with a nice smile, 90 percent of the time she’ll say hello back and will probably be happy to have a conversation.

If the conversation seems to be going well, you can then ask her if she’d like to get an ice cream.

Again, what’s the very worst thing that can happen?

She might say no or say she has to hurry off somewhere.

Again, so what?  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You’ll feel much better about yourself for trying and failing than not trying at all.

You will also learn a lot from your failures.  The more you walk up to girls and say hello, the better and more confident you will become at this.

Pretty soon, walking up to pretty girls, saying hello and starting casual conversations will become no big deal.  You'll become a natural at this, like a fish in water.

You’ll gain confidence.  Confidence is an attractive quality in people.

Females are drawn to guys who project confidence.

The guy doesn’t even have to be at all good looking if he projects a friendly air of confidence.

Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger was famous for dating beautiful women.  He looked like a toad.

One of my superpowers is I cannot be embarrassed.  This might be my #1 superpower.  I am impervious to embarrassment. I also never fear failure or rejection.

As a senior in high school, I even applied to Princeton.  Of course, I was rejected.  But I figured I’d apply anyway.

Maybe I would get in by some kind of clerical error or fluke.

When I was single, I always had the same attitude about walking up to girls and starting a conversation. 

The best way to start a conversation is to say “Hello, my name is Ben.  What's your name?” – nothing clever.

The best way to continue a conversation is to ask a question.

I never fear failure.  This doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous. I always feel nerves before a big event – such as a sporting competition or a test or a job interview. But I don’t let nerves paralyze me into inaction.

Nor does this mean that I don’t fail.  I fail all the time.  I fail constantly.  I fail every day. But I don’t fear failure.  I never feel embarrassment from failing.

I see failure as a challenge to overcome.  I love the challenge.

If you start seeing failure as just the fastest way to learn something new, you won’t fear failure. The penalty for failing publicly is you might look a bit silly.

So what?  Life goes on.  You try to do better next time.

If you are not failing a lot, you aren’t pushing yourself hard enough.

Have a Realistic Picture of What Success is for You

If Tiger Woods asks you to play a round of golf, don’t expect to be anywhere near his level.

Don’t expect to impress him with your great golfing skills.

He understands that he’s a professional golfer.  He’s one of the greatest golfers of all time.  Tiger Woods also knows what a recreational golfer is, or what the skill level of a junior golfer is.

Tiger Woods works on his golf game for 8 hours a day.  This is his job.  He’s been doing this since he was two years old.

He’s not expecting you to put on any great show out there.  He knows you’re going to hit balls in the water – maybe even miss the ball completely.

Your goal should not be to impress Tiger Woods.  Your goal should be to put in a credible performance . . . for you.

You’re not in a competition with Tiger Woods.

Start seeing competitions as competitions against yourself, not against others.

Tiger Woods is trying to be the greatest golfer of all time, not the second greatest golfer of all time.

That’s not a realistic expectation for you – or frankly, for anyone else at this point.

If you’re the #100 ranked golfer in the world, a good goal would be to move into the top 50, and then the top 20.

If you’re the number 1,000 golfer in the world, your goal might be to move into the top 500.

If you usually shoot around 90, your goal should be to shoot 85.

Your main competition is with yourself, not so much others.

There is also an unhealthy kind of confidence known as the Dunning-Kruger effect.

These are people who overestimate their own abilities to take on unrealistic challenges.

If you are a beginning skier, don’t launch off on a double-black diamond expert trail.

If you are a beginning martial artist, don’t jump in the cage with a professional cage fighter.

That’s just dumb . . . and will definitely cause you to lose confidence as you are rushed to the Emergency Room.

Push the Limits of Your Comfort Zone,  But Gradually and Systematically

The way you get better at something is to practice and to gradually push the limits of your Comfort Zone.  If you push yourself too far outside your Comfort Zone too quickly (before you’re ready), you’ll crash or have some kind of disaster.

And that will kill your confidence.

This happened to me with ski jumping.

I was a ski jumper when I was a kid growing up in Vermont.  I was about 11 years old.

One day I decided to move off the 30 meter jump and try the 60 meter jump.

I panicked just before I reached the launch-off point at the end of the ramp and tried to slam on the brakes.

I wasn’t able to stop before the end of the ramp – called the "lip" of the jump.   I fell off the end of the jump – which was about 15-foot drop straight down.

I got a concussion and some broken ribs.  No permanent injuries.

But I decided to quit ski jumping and just stick with alpine ski racing – my sport of choice when I was growing up.

You learn by pushing yourself. You learn by pushing yourself slightly outside your comfort zone – a little at a time.

Speaking of ski racing, I grew up in Vermont.

I used to wonder why so many top ski racers were coming out of the Midwest – places like Minnesota and Michigan where the tallest hills were no more than 500 vertical feet.

Why weren’t the best ski racers coming out of Colorado?

What I concluded was this.

In Colorado, the mountains are huge.  People who grow up skiing in Colorado are constantly trying to slow down.

They are putting the brakes on all the time so they don’t careen off a cliff.

In Minnesota, the hills are small and flat.  The skiers there are always looking for ways to gain speed.  So they learned how to ski fast instead of how to slow down.

I think this method of learning and gaining confidence applies to almost all learning.

If you try to move your child into Algebra before she’s mastered basic foundational math skills, you will slow your child’s progress and destroy her confidence.

Not only will the child never really learn Algebra, but the child will never even learn basic math – and will sour entirely on the subject of math.

So you certainly want to push yourself and challenge yourself to move beyond your current level, but not so quickly that you crash disastrously or fail so miserably that you shatter your confidence.

I made the mistake once of taking my then six-year-old son Peter on a roller coaster that was too big for him.

He had never been on a roller coaster before.

I should have taken him on the baby roller coaster first. The experience on the big roller coaster was so terrifying for him that he never went on another roller coaster.  I very much regret that.

Life should be fun and challenging – not terrifying.

Training and Preparation Create Confidence

The better you are at something, the more confident you will be.

You will have no confidence going into your Algebra exam if your basic foundational math skills are weak.

You will have no confidence with your essay writing assignment if you don’t know the rules of grammar, can’t spell, and aren’t used to writing.

You won't feel at all confident going into a combat situation without extensive combat training.

Special Operations military trainers say it takes rehearsing the same movement 30,000 times before that movement becomes instinctive.

If you must think before making the move, you can’t be confident.  You can’t be sure of yourself.

That will make you slow and cause you to make wrong decisions.

Training and preparation are critical to your confidence.

I used to fear public speaking . . . because I wasn’t used to public speaking.

I overcame that fear with preparation.

I would write out the speech or lecture and rehearse it – rehearse it many times.  I figured very little could go wrong if I wrote out the speech and essentially memorized it.

As I got better at public speaking, I found that I could deliver a speech from just an outline on index cards to make the speech sound more casual and off-the-cuff.

I actually have several speeches and lectures essentially memorized that I can deliver at any time.

The better you get at something, the more you can improvise along the way.

Take dancing.

First you learn basic steps.  But if you just do the basic steps, you look mechanical.

The better you get at the basic steps, the more you can improvise and start actually dancing.

But you can’t dance well without first learning the foundational basic steps and practicing those until they become instinctive – second nature, like walking. The actual dancing happens between the steps.

But don’t let the need to train and prepare prevent you from jumping into the arena even before you are fully confident in your preparation.

You learn fastest by doing and failing – and learning from your failures.

You won’t learn how to play golf just by reading books and going to the golf range.  You also need to get out on the course and keep score.  The fast way to improve is to enter competitions.

It’s one thing to practice the piano at home in private. It’s something entirely different to perform a public piano recital.

It’s one thing to train for combat.  You are on a whole new level if you’ve had actual combat experience.

There’s no comparison.

So training and preparation are crucial.  But there’s no substitute for getting into the arena and testing your skills – preferably against people at about your skill level or slightly better.

Teach Something You Are an Expert At

There are five primary ways to learn and master a subject or a skill.

You can learn something by reading about it or hearing someone talk about it.

These are the two weakest methods of learning.

You also learn by seeing, by doing, and by teaching.

The two most powerful ways of learning a skill are by DOING it and by TEACHING it.

If you TEACH it, you really need to have studied how to do it, and then organize your presentation into a step-by-step system that can be understood by beginners.

Then you become a recognized authority on the subject or skill you are teaching.

This will contribute to building your self-confidence.

People admire and respect teachers and coaches.  You can start by creating tutorials for YouTube.

This is a great way to learn how to teach.

Learn To Be a Good Public Speaker

I believe this is hugely important.

There is almost nothing better for developing your self-confidence than becoming a teacher (a recognized expert) on a subject and being a compelling public speaker.

Most people are terrified of public speaking.  Most people have never been asked to teach anything, much less speak to an audience on a subject.

When people are asked what is their greatest fear in life, a sizeable portion of the population will answer: public speaking.

I used to fear public speaking.  I still get nervous when I have to speak to a big crowd – especially if I have not done it in a while.

Take a class on public speaking.

I took a public speaking class at Dartmouth College.  It was one of the most useful and practical classes I took.  I also took the Dale Carnegie course on public speaking, which was superb. 

The key to good public speaking is to write it out and to rehearse it many times so it flows naturally.  The more you rehearse and practice, the more confident you will feel.

When you see a comedian on the Comedy Channel, they all have their routines memorized, including getting their pauses and cadences exactly right.

Once you’ve basically memorized your speech, you can ad lib a bit along the way to make it sound even more natural and conversational.  But all great speakers essentially memorize their speeches.

When they get off  text or go off the teleprompter, the speech usually gets pretty messed up.

Delivering a good speech is no different than delivering any kind of great performance.

Great performances are practiced and rehearsed over and over again.

The more you practice and rehearse, the more confidence you will gain. The feedback you receive from the audience will further fuel your confidence.

People will start to see you as a leader.  That will also add to your confidence. Success tends to fuel more success.  And that builds confidence.

So how can you get practice public speaking?

Lots of ways.

Sign up for a class on public speaking.  If no public speaking classes are offered at your high school, check out your local community college.  There are sure to be public speaking classes there.

Start a podcast. Volunteer to do scripture readings and make announcements at your church. Teach a Sunday School class.  Lead a Cub Scout pack.  Coach a sport.  Very few people want to do public speaking.  So there’s really no limit to your public speaking opportunities.

Take the Dale Carnegie course on public speaking.

Tend to Your Appearance

Everyone and anyone can look good – if you just eat right and keep yourself in good physical shape.

Work out regularly.  Wear decent clothes.  Put on a drop or two of cologne.  Brush your teeth.  Use some teeth whitener. Wash your hair. Use deodorant.  Get a haircut that looks normal – not like Jim Carrey in the movie "Dumb & Dumber."

Work on eliminating the nervous ticks you might have – the shaking leg, picking nose, biting nails, sticking your finger in your ear, farting. Whatever the nasty habit – find a way to stop doing it.

It’s off-putting.

The truth is people do judge a book by its cover.

You don’t have to look like Clark Gable, Carry Grant, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Kate Upton, Kristie Brinkley, or Raquel Welch.

Almost no one looks like these people.  And, by the way, even these people don’t look like these people.

It’s amazing what make-up and camera lighting can accomplish.   If you met these people in person, they would look like normal people.

I met Russell Crowe a few weeks before he started filming the movie "Gladiator."

He just looked like an average person – about my height.  Nothing remarkable.

Almost anyone has the capacity to look good.

You might be a great person with a lot to offer.  But if you look sloppy, smell bad, are out of shape, and do annoying things, people aren’t going to want much to do with you.

You’ll notice people moving away from you.  And that will have a negative effect on your self-confidence.

Gaining self-confidence is not only about your attitude.

Many people really do need to fix some things that are pretty easy to fix if you just tend to them.

Pick a workout routine and schedule that you will stick to.  Take some pride in your appearance. 

You’ll feel much better about yourself.  You’ll gain self-confidence.

Fix Your Body Language

Much research shows that your facial expressions and how you position your body not only projects confidence or lack of confidence, but actually produces significant and immediate changes in your body chemistry to create more confidence or lack of confidence.

According to research by Harvard Business School Professor Amy Cuddy, there are certain body positions – power positions – that cause your testosterone levels to increase and cortisol hormone to decrease.

Testosterone is the dominance hormone.  Cortisol is the stress hormone.

When you feel under stress, your cortisol level rises.  When you feel confident, your testosterone level rises.

If you want to feel more confident, you want your testosterone levels to surge and your cortisol levels to recede.

Your body positions affect your testosterone and cortisol levels.

If your body is closed in and meek looking, your cortisol will rise and testosterone will subside.

If you strike a gorilla pose, the opposite happens.

You don't want to be striking gorilla poses in social settings.  That would be seen as inappropriate behavior.

But you do want to take up some space.  When you talk, use your hands.  Hold your elbows a bit away from your body – not closed in like a chicken, but somewhat expansive.  This projects confidence.

You don't want to flail your arms around when you talk.  Move your hands while talking in a natural way, arms slightly out from your body so you are taking up some space.

Animals know that how they position their body matters – sends a message.

You probably know this is true from your own personal experience.

You smile automatically when you are happy.  You smile without even thinking about it.

But let’s say you’re not happy, but you want to look happy.  You want to project happiness.

So you force yourself to smile instead of frown.  Force yourself to look happy.

Simply the act of forcing yourself to smile will actually make you feel happier.

Smiling also projects confidence.

When you consciously try to project confidence, this helps you feel more confident.

If you pretend to be happy, relaxed, and confident (even if you're not) you will begin to feel more happy, relaxed, and confident.

Conversely, if you look unhappy, nervous, and insecure, that’s how you’re going to feel.

People can tell whether you are a confident person or a person with no confidence just by looking at your body language.

Bullies can instantly pick out the ones they are going to bully.

Bullies know who they can push around and victimize just by looking at them. 

The mind and the body are connected.  Your body language telegraphs how you are feeling.  But how you carry yourself – your expressions, how you position your body when talking – also impacts how you feel about yourself. 

That’s why your parents tell you to look people in the eye when you talk to them, smile, have a firm confident handshake, stand up straight, don’t slump in your chair, speak up so people can hear what you are saying.

Your parents probably do not have all the scientific research that shows why this is important. They just know it’s important for you to look like you belong there.

What your parents might not know is that looking like you belong there will actually change your body chemistry so that you feel like you belong there.

Now obviously, you don’t want to overdo it. 

Striking gorilla poses when talking with people will be off-putting  – not appropriate. We live in civilized society, not the animal kingdom.

Leaning forward slightly when you speak is a good power pose.

But you also don’t want to be a close talker.

That’s off-putting.

It might be a good idea to strike your gorilla poses in the restroom before a job interview to raise your testosterone level – which will help make you feel more confident.

A firm confident handshake is good.  But don’t crush the person’s hand either.

Smile and look happy, but you don’t want to have a smile constantly plastered on your face like the Joker.

That too will look odd and off-putting.

The point is, your body positions, facial expressions, how you carry yourself, and how you speak not only affect how people see you, but how you see yourself.

If you look and sound confident, relaxed, and happy, you will actually start to feel more confident, relaxed, and happy.  If you look sure of yourself, you will start to feel more sure of yourself.

Learn to Like You

A big part of confidence is learning to like yourself. 

By liking yourself, I don’t mean be satisfied with all things about yourself.

We all have things we need to fix in ourselves.  We all want and need to improve and maximize our potential.

I mean be true to who we are.  Being true to who you are and liking yourself are help you gain confidence.

How can you ever be confident if you don’t like you?

My youngest daughter Olivia had a slight speech impediment when she was a kid – kind of like Barbara Walters or Drew Barrymore.

When Olivia was in middle school, she was big into theater.

When she started going out for lead roles in plays, I wondered how it would work out.

She tried out for lead roles in some big elaborate local theater productions.  She landed the lead role in Madeline and Peter Pan.

Yup, my middle school daughter played Peter Pan.

And these were pretty big productions – 1,000 people in the audience paying $12 each for tickets almost every night of the week for two weeks.

I think a big reason Olivia landed these roles is she was supremely confident, but also supremely authentic.  Her slight speech impediment was distinctive, but that also made her real.

It was endearing.  The audience loved her.

Several people told me that what most struck them about Olivia was her confidence on stage.

Not everyone has to have perfect diction like Walter Cronkite.  You can make it in broadcasting and acting even if you have a speech impediment, like Barbara Walters.

Saturday Night Live used to make fun of Barbara Walters.  The great late comedian Gilda Radner played Baba WaWa in skits on SNL.

But Barbara Walters did very well – was the highest-paid female broadcaster in the world.  Her way of speaking was her trademark, her brand.  It’s what made her unique in broadcasting.

Or think about the great folk-rock pop star Bob Dylan.  He really can’t sing at all.  He has a monotone, nasally voice.

But he’s one of the greatest rock and folk artists of all time.

By any objective measure, Bob Dylan can’t sing.  He has no range at all in his voice.

But that was a big part of why people loved him so much.  He sounded like an average person singing.

But people loved his authenticity.

His authenticity is what spoke to people, what made him so big – plus the fact that he was just a great songwriter.

Bob Dylan had supreme confidence in who he was.

When asked by a reporter if his music was folk music or rock music, Dylan answered: “It’s my music.”

So when I say “fake it until you make it,” it’s much more about you convincing yourself you can do it than you convincing others you can do it.

If you’ve convinced yourself you can’t do it, you’ll never do it.  But if you find ways to convince yourself you can do it, if you believe you can do it, then you’ve actually discovered the real you.

You’ve found out who you really are and what you are really capable of. You are no longer paralyzed by fear.  You have been liberated from your fear of failing to discover your true potential – the real you.

That’s really not “faking it until you make it.”  That’s training your mind into believing you can do it.  Then discovering you really can do it.  The lie was in thinking you could not do it.

Find Something to be Really Good At

Are you really good at something?

If not, get really good at something.  There's no better way to build your self-confidence than to be really good at something.

I was a skinny, somewhat nerdy looking kid when growing up. 

I did not look at all like an athlete.  But the fact that I was a good junior ski racer, a good junior tennis player, and actually a good all-round athlete was great for my confidence.

As you get older, pick something to become really good at that also pays well.

Maybe become an expert accountant.  Then when you get really good at that, maybe become a forensic accountant.

Sound boring?

There's a great movie starring Ben Affleck called The Accountant.

Not boring.

A friend of mine is a forensic accountant for the FBI.  He's an expert at following the money and uncovering financial crimes.  He's put many organized crime figures in prison.

Not boring.  He loves it.  I love hearing his stories about financial crimes he's uncovered – some of which have become episodes of the hit series American Greed.

You can make almost anything fascinating.  It's all about your mindset, how you look at the topic.

On one level, waste management might sound boring – people picking up trash, disposing of waste. 

One of America's largest companies is called Waste Management.  This is a fascinating field if you really get into it.

One of my favorite TV shows is called Dirty Jobs, hosted by Mike Rowe.

The point of the show is there are no bad jobs.  Cleaning sewers can be fascinating.  Some of the richest people in America are doing these kinds of "dirty jobs" that most Americans would never think of doing.

Consider picking a field or a job to become an expert in that most people have no interest in – a "dirty job" that needs doing.

Make a business out of it.  One of the richest people I know is in the gravel business.  He gets the gravel and delivers it. Not complicated.  And he's quite rich.

There's nothing that's boring.  It's what you make of it.  It's how you look at the job in front of you.

People tend to become passionate about what they're really good at.  Forget the advice to "just follow your passion."

Instead, pick something to get really good at and make that your passion.

The Kolbe conative test will help you identify the kinds of skills, jobs, projects, challenges, roles, and careers that fit your Mode of Operation and that would make you happiest . . . so that you can be like a Tiger in the forest instead of a fish out of water.

Think of Yourself as a "Winner," Even If You're Not Quite Yet "Winning"

You do have to train your mind into thinking positively about yourself.

When I accomplish an important task, I'll say something like this to myself: "I really am amazing."

Maybe this sounds self-absorbed, but I believe in the Power of Affirmations – including repeating affirmations about yourself – such as: "I really am amazing." 

I don't say this out loud in public.  But I say something like this every day – after accomplishing something, perhaps an unpleasant task I was dreading.

This has the added effect of motivating me to live up to my own standard.

When Wanda asks me "What are you doing honey?"

My standard answer: "Trying to be amazing."  Or "Trying to be to be incredible."

Wanda will then roll her eyes and say: "That's great honey.  Keep doing it then."

One of my favorite affirmations is one I borrow from actor Charlie Sheen.

Yes, he has his issues and addictions.

But he likes to say "winning" a lot.  I love that affirmation.

When something good happens to Charlie Sheen, almost anything, he says "Winning!"

Sometimes he'll repeat it many times: "Winning! Winning! Winning!"

Go on YouTube and type in "Charlie Sheen Winning." 

It's hilarious.

Often, after completing a projecting or hitting a benchmark, I'll say: "Crushing it!"

I'll sometimes crank up the theme songs from the movies Gladiator and Rocky after completing a tough project.  I'll imagine myself as the victorious Gladiator (Russell Crowe) in the Roman Colosseum or Rocky Balboa running up those steps and reaching the top. I might then hop up and throw down some break dance moves – including some windmills and head spins with the Rocky theme song blasting.

We can reprogram our brains.  We can brainwash ourselves, reframe and reshape our reality.

Our reality can then actually change. 

There's enormous power in positive thinking. 

Some of it is just in the way you ask questions about yourself.

Let’s say you want to lose 20 pounds.  Don’t ask: "Why can’t I lose 20 pounds?"

You’ll never lose 20 pounds with that mindset.

We can all lose 20 pounds if we need to.  The question is: "How do I lose 20 pounds?  And what’s the right weight-loss program for me that I will follow?"

Don't ask: "Why don’t girls like me?"

Ask yourself: "How many girls have I walked up to and said 'hello' to and had a conversation with this week?

Don’t ask yourself: "Why can’t I make the track team?"

Ask yourself: "What do I need to do to make the track team? And which event is best for me?  Is my body type best designed for sprinting, long distance running, high-jumping, or shot-putting?"

Don’t ask yourself: "Why do my business enterprises keep failing?"

Ask yourself: "What are successful entrepreneurs doing that I’m not doing?"

There is a formula for building a successful business that anyone can follow.  You then just need to follow the time-tested proven formula.  It’s like hitting a golf ball correctly.  There’s a proven scientific method to it.

Follow the method. Follow the proven formula.

Then expect success. Learn to visualize success instead of disaster.  Reframe your failures as just a natural process toward achieving success.

Reframe your defeats as badges of honor you can talk about with your children and grandchildren when showing them what it takes to be successful.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  So reframe your defeats as making you tougher – as contributing to your emerging superpowers.

Success then tends to lead to more success.  Momentum builds both in your mind and in reality. 

Your mind and your physical world constantly reinforce each other to create more momentum – both psychologically and in the form of concrete actions and achievements. 

You then become addicted to achieving and hitting more benchmarks.  You start to see yourself as "winning" – not just "winning" sometimes, but as a habitual "winner."

This builds more confidence, which then leads to more achievements, which then leads to you setting bigger and bigger goals for yourself.

Summing It Up

Here's a quick summary of this book in bullet-point form.  But don't assume just by reading just this section that you will get the full message of this book because these bullet points lack context.

Treat life as a game you try to win.

You are in a competition with yourself, not so much with others.  Strive for daily improvement.

Success is subjective.  You define success for you. 

Put the "Law of Compounding Actions" into effect.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Success goes to the steady and persistent, not the one with the most natural talent.

Developing good systems is more important than setting specific goals. Luck tends to follow those who develop good systems.

But having goals is important because goals create motivation.

Don't "pursue your passion."  Instead develop a specialized expertise that pays a lot of money. Then make that your passion . . . because people tend to become passionate about what they are good at.

Build a stack of soft skills on top of your base layer specialized professional skill.  Specialists generally earn more than generalists.  But the more you can stack "soft skills" on top of your base-layer specialized skill, the more successful you will be.

No one is born a successful person.  People who are born into great wealth or who have great natural talent often fail miserably.  Success is produced by simple habits and systems anyone can learn.

The fact that you are reading this book means you will almost certainly succeed for the simple reason that you are motivated to succeed.

If I had to start life over again, I would become an expert in technology. 

Treat people well.  Karma is real.

A strategy, even a bad strategy, beats no strategy.  Most people have no strategy.

Understand that self-made billionaires aren't any better than you. They put their pants on the same way you do. They just had a better strategy.

Time is your most precious resource.  You can never get back your time.

Brainwash yourself into becoming a confident person.

"Fake it until you make it."  All successful people do this.  But also beware of the "Dunning-Kruger Effect."

Never let fear of embarrassment stop you from trying something you want to do but have never done before – such as public speaking.

Reframe bad situations in your mind so you can "turn lemons into lemonade."

Have a Learning Mindset because knowledge really is power.  If you know the combination to the vault, you can access the money.

Repetition is the mother of all learning.

People progress at different rates.  So-called "slow learners" (such as Albert Einstein) are often just much deeper thinkers.

Toughen up.  Don't be a wuss.  Develop True Grit – like Mattie in the movie True Grit.

Forget "The Four-Hour Workweek."  That mindset is for losers.  No one achieved much by working less.  Instead, be like Elon with a ferocious work ethic, big vision, and good strategy.

Be a decider, not a waffler.  You can't achieve anything without deciding on a goal and setting a schedule for action.

Choose your friends carefully. "Birds of a Feather Flock Together."

Cure procrastination by developing a relationship with your Future Self.

Strictly regulate your social media and other media consumption. Schedule it.

Get rich by creating a budget and sticking to it. 

No one cares if you have a big house.  You can only live in one room at a time.

Learn How to sell.  People buy from those they KNOW, LIKE, and TRUST.

Deeply understand the "80-20 Rule."

Use "Game Theory" to win at life. 

Develop a productive daily routine.

Be a "Project Completer."

No one is a good multi-tasker.  Be a linear thinker and doer.

Time is your most valuable asset.  You can never get back your wasted time.

Spend your time working on your area of specialized expertise that generates most of the money. Delegate tasks others can do.

Avoid the "Time Equals Money Trap."

Try to avoid taking jobs that offer just pay for your time, but aren't a steppingstone to something better.

Willpower is not enough.  You need a system and process.

It's not so much time management as it is energy management.

Cut negative people out of your life.

Develop good social skills. Practice starting conversations with strangers.

Make honesty your personal brand. 

Attend business seminars.

Become a master networker.

There's no shortage of money for good ideas.

Practice setting up meetings with billionaires who can fund your ideas.

Don't hesitate to ask for exactly what you want.

Learn how to negotiate your compensation.  There's a method to it.

Invest in your personal relationships.

Rewire your brain by replacing unhealthy addictions with healthy addictions.

Find good mentors, teachers and coaches.  They're your shortcut to success.

Simplify everything – your business, your communications, your life.

Read biographies about successful entrepreneurs and leaders. Follow in their footsteps.

Treat problems in life as like puzzles to solve.

Life would not be interesting if it were easy.

Become a good public speaker by taking a Dale Carnegie course.

Learn to write in a simple cogent style.  Take a course on writing for business.

If you're not failing often, you're not pushing yourself hard enough.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  But sometimes it kills you.  So avoid really stupid moves.

See failure not as failure, but as another step toward success.

Mistakes that are hard to recover from: A felony conviction. Getting pregnant as a teen.  Substance addiction.

Tend to your health and fitness so you can live longer, have a better life, and achieve more.  If your health and fitness are poor, you won't have the energy to accomplish much.

Assume victory, not defeat.  Visualize Success.  The "power of positive thinking" is real.

Everything you track gets better, everything you don't track gets worse. Everything you track and report publicly gets better exponentially.

Set tight deadlines for projects.  People rarely complete projects before the deadline.

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Market-test new products in small quantities before making a big investment of capital.

If your new product or idea fails in market tests, abandon it.  Test something else.

When you find something that's working, keep doing it.

The most important word in marketing and business is "Test."

You know you have a winning product or idea if people buy the initial bad version of it.

Building a repeatable process is the key to building a successful business.

Build momentum.  Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion and gather speed.

Set mini daily goals that add up to achieving your big goals over time.

Even if you fall short of achieving your ultimate goal, just striving toward your ultimate goal almost ensures that you will become a world-class success.

Be a decider, not a waffler.

Learn how to say "No."  Don't let others set your agenda.

Ideas have consequences only if acted upon.

Feel free to act recklessly and foolishly.  Just be prepared to pay the price.

I'm happy to help people in need.  But I can't help anyone who isn't willing to help themselves.

The best thing you can do to help the world is to make sure you are a self-sustaining person.  After you are self-sustaining, then you can try to assist others who need help.

No one likes complainers.  Keep your complaints to yourself.

There's no such thing in life as "fair."  Life is what it is – inherently unfair in every area.  Deal with it. 

Being born into a life of wealth and comfort also has its curses.  What percentage of people born into wealth have really turned out to be happy, fulfilled people?   The big victory is coming from nothing and overcoming obstacles.

Become a luckier person by getting in the habit of evaluating the potential upside and downside of all your actions.  Take some classes in statistics and probabilities.

Find your calling in life by taking the Kolbe Conative Test (kolbe.com)

Learn some basic accounting and business principles.  Take some businesses classes.

Don't let anyone control your money but you.

Effort is admirable.  Achievement is valuable.

Bad situations often produce great opportunities.

Keep a secure home base.  "A happy wife means a happy life."

Life is an amazing journey.  Enjoy it.

About The Author

Ben Hart has been in the advertising business for more than 35 years. His direct-response advertising and marketing campaigns have generated more than $1 billion for his clients. Ben has written a number of books, including:

Bitcoin: A Beginner's Guide (2022)

How to Write Blockbuster Sales Letters (2004)

Automatic Marketing: How to Use the Internet to Automate Your Sales (2005)

How To Use Google Ads to Build Your Business (2005)

Fund Your Cause: Secrets of Successful Direct Mail Fundraising (2004)

Faith & Freedom: The Christian Roots of American Liberty (1988)

Poisoned Ivy: The War on Freedom of Thought by America's Elite Colleges. (1984)

Ben wrote speeches for many leading political leaders in the 1980s and ’90s, including President Ronald Reagan (1984 campaign) and President George H.W. Bush (1988 campaign).  Ben went on to start a speechwriting business that transitioned into an advertising agency that built the Christian Coalition to 1,000,000 members during the 1990s, along with a number of other influential conservative organizations.  The Christian Coalition was described by Time magazine as the most influential conservative lobby of the 1990s.

Ben sold his ad agency in 1998 and became President of Richard Viguerie’s American Target Advertising in 1999.  Ben decided to demote himself and become Senior Vice President at ATA in 2007 so he could focus on copywriting and marketing strategy and not on managing the agency’s 70 employees.  Ben found a way to arrange his life so that he has not had to go to a real office since the 1990s.

Ben’s marketing mentor over the decades has been Richard Viguerie, who pioneered direct mail fundraising for political causes and candidates in the 1960s.  Without the enormous mailing lists of donors built by Richard and his agency, there likely never would have been a Ronald Reagan Presidency.

Other notable pro-freedom and right-of-center organizations Ben’s marketing campaigns helped launch and build include Judicial Watch and Faith & Freedom Coalition (now 2.7 million members and supporters).

In the early 2000s, Ben built a highly profitable internet business in an unrelated field before Google shut him down (crushed him like a gnat) in a wild story covered in this book.

Ben is a freedom "maximalist," which is why he developed a keen interest in Bitcoin in 2016 and became part of the Bitcoin movement.  His book on Bitcoin ranked as high as #2 in Amazon's "Money & Monetary Policy" category.

Ben graduated in 1982 from Dartmouth College where he helped found America’s most famous pro-freedom student newspaper The Dartmouth Review (1980), which continues publishing to this day. 

Ben’s first book Poisoned Ivy, which he wrote during his senior year at Dartmouth, chronicles the founding of The Dartmouth Review and was the first book to describe the odd anti-America “woke” ideology (which Ben called “The Ethos”) that was taking hold in the faculty lounges of America’s elite colleges.  Poisoned Ivy was a national bestseller.

As The Review’s founding President and Publisher, Ben helped recruit fellow students Dinesh D’Souza (author-filmmaker), Laura Ingraham (FOX News) and others to work on the paper who went on to become highly influential writers and thinkers. The Dartmouth Review continues publishing to this day.

At age 65, Ben is also the world's oldest actively competing break dancer. You can see his videos on YouTube.

He started breaking at age 54.  Ben currently competes in Red Bull, UDEF Pro Breaking Tour, and World Dance Sport Federation events. Ben has appeared twice on ABC's "Good Morning America" in his 60s to showcase his break dancing.  He made it to the Celebrity Judges Audition round of America's Got Talent at the age of 60.  Ben shares his theories on health and fitness in this book. A number of his break dance videos have gone viral.  Ben uses his involvement in break dance as an avenue to reach inner city and at-risk kids with his ideas on how to advance in life.

Ben is an investor in emerging technologies.  He has an active YouTube channel.  Ben and his wife Wanda have six children.

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