Through the Layers

Rumor Has It, Book 4

RH Tucker

Copyright © 2018 by RH Tucker

All rights reserved.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Edited by Melissa Ringsted of There For You Editing

Cover design by James at GoOnWrite.com

Created with Vellum Created with Vellum

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Taylor

From The Author

About the Author

Also by RH Tucker

Chapter 1

Micah

What’s the saying? ‘Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I’m a complete and utter moron’? I know that’s not it, but it might as well be. I hear them inside. I know it’s her because her two roommates have class right now.

I’m not devastated. Not like I was a year ago when we only had a few months until we graduated high school. Everyone says high school sweethearts never last, but I know they do. My parents are high school sweethearts. So I know it’s more than possible. Just like I know following your dreams isn’t a lost cause because that’s what my dad did. He got the girl he wanted, the family he wanted, even the dream job he always wanted. Impossible dreams can come true. But right now I couldn’t give a shit about any of that.

It’s her birthday today. So here I am, standing outside of her apartment, a bouquet of her favorite flowers—daffodils—because I thought I’d surprise her. I guess the surprise is on me. To be fair, I shouldn’t be surprised at all.

I think about calling her, seeing what her response will be if I say I want to stop by. Would she even answer the phone? Then I think about just gently knocking, acting like I didn’t hear anything yet, trying to stay calm. But I don’t do either of those things. Instead, I slam my fist into the door, striking it as hard as I can. The noise inside stops.

I wait patiently, wondering if she’s going to answer. First I hear whispers, then the door unlocks, barely opening. Her eyes widen for a split-second. She tries to cover it up, placing her hand over her mouth like she’s yawning.

“Micah? Wh-what are you doing here?”

I let out an incredulous chuckle. “Wow, really?”

“What?”

“Lana, it’s your birthday.”

She bites her bottom lip. That used to be a turn on. “I know that. You should’ve called.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to surprise you.” I lift the bouquet up to her. “But it sounds like you already got your birthday surprise today.”

“What are you—”

I press on the door. She tries to block it from opening, so I push hard enough that she has to take a step back. The door swings open and I see a guy who has his shirt halfway on. He stares at me like a deer caught in headlights.

“Don’t worry, bro, I’m not staying,” I say, glaring at him before returning my attention to Lana. “You two can finish up your little birthday treat. Have a nice life.” I throw the flowers in her face, before turning around and walking down the stairs.

“Micah! No, wait, Micah!”

Like I said, I’m not devastated. I caught her cheating before. Now, I’m just pissed off. And as furious as I am at her, I’m even angrier at myself. How could I be so stupid? What did Taylor tell me when I said we were getting back together? Once a cheater, always a cheater? I know when he finds out he won’t laugh in my face, but he might as well. And while he’s at it, he can scream at the top of his lungs, ‘I told you so’ because he did.

“Please, Micah. Please, wait. Don’t leave.”

She grabs my arm as I make it to the bottom of the stairs. I pull it away from her, so she gets in front of me.

Lana’s gorgeous. Just a little shorter than me, she always liked that I was six-two. She said being five-ten meant she was a giant for a girl. Her hair, platinum blonde, always seems to shimmer in the sun. But it just pisses me off right now because it’s messy. That dickhead was probably running his hands through it. She’s fair skinned with full, pink lips, which she always used to her advantage. Yeah, she’s gorgeous. Not my type, something my friends always reminded me of back in high school, but she’s absolutely stunning.

She brings her hands up to my face, stepping closer. “No, please. Please, don’t go. I’m sorry. I screwed up. I’m so, so sorry.”

Her eyes start watering, and the tears fall. She begged and pleaded the summer after we graduated. She cried her eyes out. And I believed her. She told me it was a mistake when I caught her with some guy. That she was drunk and high. At the beginning of our first semester, she was still pleading with me. She’d call me every day. Sent text messages. And even though I believed her, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to get back with her. As much as I wanted to emulate my parents—my father—I couldn’t get the sight of catching her with some guy out of my head.

But then Christmas rolled around. And New Years. She was still calling me, begging for another chance.

Taylor and I went to a New Year’s Eve party, and she was there with a couple friends. Again she begged. She promised it was a one-time thing and that she hadn’t so much as gone out on a date with anyone since it happened. When the party started, I was still resolute. But by the time it ended, and a New Year began, things changed. I could say it was the drinks in me at the party. I could blame it on me telling myself “one more time, for old time’s sake” before we slept together New Year’s Eve. But that’s only partially true. The other part was that I wanted to believe her. Believe that it was all a mistake. I wanted to believe we could still have a happily ever after.

So, New Year’s Day, we talked about it. I told her it wouldn’t be easy. That I’d need time, and I did, but that I did want to try again with her. I’m a dumbass.

“It’s not a mistake, Lana,” I say, bluntly.

“But it is.”

“No. It’s not.” She’s still crying. “You’re not drunk. You’re not high. You’re just being yourself.”

“No, that’s not it.” She wraps her arms around me. “Please, please you have to—”

“I don’t have to do shit.” She recoils from the words, looking at me like I just slapped her. “You did this. You can’t blame this on anything or anyone but yourself.” I reach up, prying her hands away from my neck. “It’s over.”

She doesn’t chase me this time.

Chapter 2

Veronica

“There he is,” Cindy whispers to me.

I turn around and see Micah Fernandez at the end of the hall. He knows who I am. Last semester we had an art class together. He’s incredibly talented. And incredibly gorgeous. And, unfortunately, incredibly taken. His girlfriend is model material. No joke. I’m five-two, and she towers over me. Blonde hair that sparkles, the complete opposite of my ebony curls.

“Cindy, stop,” I hiss at her.

“What?” She flips her hair, taking a bite of another chip.

We are sitting in the café on campus, where we usually eat lunch together. I finish off my burger and take a sip of my soda. Over the summer last year, I started a diet and ended up losing about twenty pounds. But since then, I haven’t stayed as strict as when I started. I really should start going back to the gym again, if for no other reason than because Micah works there. We’ve said hi and bye, but he doesn’t know I’ve had a crush on him since last summer.

“V, he may be taken, but there’s no harm in checking out the goods,” Cindy whispers across the table.

Before I can reply, I hear his voice from where he stands in line at the counter.

“No, and stop calling me.” His low grumble catches both of our attention. “I don’t give a shit. No, you said that before. Look, I don’t want to block your number, but I will if I have to. I don’t care, Lana, and you’re not sorry. No. Whatever, I don’t care. Stop calling.”

Cindy clears her throat, loudly, apparently trying to get his attention or at least to let him know we can hear him. My eyes widen.

‘What are you doing?’ my face says.

‘Oh, please. You know as well as I do what that call was about,’ is her responding smirk.

“Oh, sorry about that.” Micah steps out of line, over to our table.

“It’s okay,” Cindy says a little too bubbly.

Looking up at him, I see that he looks both angry and broken. “Everything okay?”

Shaking his head, he lets out a huff, averting his gaze. “Yeah, it’s nothing.”

Cindy gives me the eye, so I know what she’s thinking; I should make a move. I haven’t gone out on many dates since college started, much to her irritation. It’s not like I don’t want to go out on dates with cute guys, but … my weight is always in the back of my mind. I guess that happens when your last boyfriend cheats on you and says you guys never had sex because he hasn’t been with a ‘big girl.’ I never thought I was that big before he said it.

“You ready for your finals next week?” Cindy asks him.

“Yeah, pretty much,” he answers but looks around. He doesn’t seem nervous, but his body language is telling me he’s on edge. “Hey, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“Okay.” I give a slight wave as he walks over to the counter to order something.

Cindy reaches over and grabs my hand. “He’s single!”

“Shh!” I scowl at her. “Give him a break, Cin. That didn’t sound too great.”

“Who cares?”

“I care. I might like him, but I’m not interested in being some kind of rebound.”

“Fine, fine.” She goes about scrolling through her phone.

It’s true, I don’t want to be a rebound for Micah, assuming he’s looking for something like that. But there’s a reason I’ve gone out on precisely three dates in the last year. There’s also a reason that of those three dates, there was only one second date of the trio. And nothing ever escalated past a make out session. It’s the same reason that even though I’ve liked Micah for a while, I’ve never tried to start a conversation with him when passing by him on campus or the few times I’ve seen him when he’s working at the gym. That reason? I still don’t want to be rejected because of my weight.

It’s been over a year, but my ex-boyfriend’s words are like a cloud that continuously hangs over me. Cindy and our other friend, Izzy, told me for weeks after we broke up that Tim is a jackass. That he’s selfish and a prick and superficial. And those are all true. It doesn’t change the fact that I know I’m overweight. I’ve struggled with it since I was little.

I should’ve never let the words sink in like they have. When Tim said them, I’d just caught him in his car, some girl face down in his lap. The girl freaked out and jumped out of his car, but he just sat there like it was nothing. I wanted to both run away and strangle him. It was over a year ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

“What the hell are you doing out here, Veronica?” He casually zipped up his pants as he stepped out of his car.

“Me? Are you kidding me? What the hell, Tim?”

“Come on, V. You can’t be that surprised.”

I scoffed. “I can’t believe this.”

I knew I was going to break up with him, but I was still stunned. I just stood there, waiting to hear what kind of excuse he would come up with.

“Look, I am sorry,” he spoke before me. “I should’ve ended this a while ago. You’re nice, V. Cute. And you’ve got a pretty face. It’s just, I’ve never really been with a big girl, you know? It’s kind of … weird.”

I slapped him across the face. “Wow, you dickhead. So it’s weird to have sex with a big girl, but you’ll let her go down on you.”

He grabbed his reddening cheek. “Seriously?”

“Go to hell!”

After the anger subsided, the pain set in. My friends assured me he was and is an asshole, but the things I feared growing up were already thrown in my face.

Cindy taps my hand. “You okay?”

“Huh?” I stare aimlessly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“There he goes,” she whispers.

I barely turn my head, glancing over my shoulder. “Cindy, it’s not gonna happen.”

“Yes, it is. I’m gonna make sure of it. I’m still in charge of Project V, remember?”

“You’re insane, you know that?”

She flashes a smile so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. “I know. But you love me anyway.”

“Don’t remind me,” I say, giggling.

Chapter 3

Micah

A loud moan echoes through the apartment. I glance over at my alarm clock. Eight-fifteen. Taylor certainly likes morning sex. Don’t get me wrong, I do, too—even though I haven’t had nearly as much as him—it just sucks his bedroom is next to mine, and our walls are paper-thin.

With class in an hour, I decide to get out of bed and shower. By the time I finish and head out to our kitchen, his bedroom door cracks open. Janice walks out, sex hair and all, and flashes me an embarrassed expression. I knew he was seeing her. He asked me if it was cool. Of course it was cool with me because I only had one date with her last semester before I ended up getting back together with Lana. Ugh, Lana.

It’s been over a week, and the anger has finally worn off. I didn’t think I would, but I’ve reverted back to my mopey phase. I’m still not torn up about it. It happened once before, so what the hell was I expecting? Nevertheless, it stings to know she did it again.

“Hey, Micah.” Janice gives me a bashful wave. “Sorry. It’s just … you never called.”

“It’s cool.”

We stand in silence for a moment, her in front of his door, me in front of the kitchen entrance.

“So, um …” she mutters, looking around.

“Yeah, good seeing you.”

“Yeah.”

I head into the kitchen and hear the front door open and close. Grabbing a box of cereal and a bowl, Taylor strolls into the kitchen.

“What’s up, man?” he asks, rummaging through the fridge.

“Not much. You sounded like you were having a good time.”

Closing the refrigerator door, he takes a bite of cold pizza. “I always have a good time. You know this.”

I have to laugh because I do know this. Taylor and I have been friends for the last couple years since he transferred to my high school our senior year. We hung out a few times here and there, but it wasn’t until I broke up with Lana—the first time—that we really started to click.

For some reason, he took it upon himself to be a friend I could turn to. The first month, he hauled me to the gym. “Endorphins are good, bro,” he’d tell me. He isn’t wrong. As much as I hated going to the gym to lift weights or do CrossFit, I couldn’t deny I felt better after. We usually hit the gym a few times a week now. It helps that we work there.

When we graduated he decided he wanted to get an apartment instead of living at home, and he convinced me to live with him. He already worked part-time at the gym and got me a job. That, combined with our scholarship and financial aid, covers our rent and necessities. The apartment is on the smaller end for a two-bedroom, we have to share a bathroom, and like I said, paper-thin walls. But it’s nice to have our own place, not living at home.

“So, Janice is cool.”

He takes another bite of his pizza. “She is cool,” he replies with a shrug. “She knows my situation though.”

“No commitments.”

He points a finger at me. “Exactly. You’re the commitment man around here.”

“Don’t remind me.” Moving him out of the way, I grab the milk from the fridge.

“She’s a bitch, Micah.”

I turn and stare at him.

He raises his hands in defense, before taking the final bite of his pizza crust. “Sorry. Too soon?”

Returning my attention to my cereal, I pour the milk and put the carton back in the fridge.

“You know what you need?”

“Oh no, I remember this spiel.”

He laughs. “Yeah, but last time we were still in high school. And we didn’t have our own place.”

“Taylor, I don’t need anything. I’m not a wreck like last time. You’re right,” I take a deep breath before biting into a spoonful of Cocoa Puffs, “she is a bitch.”

“That had to feel good, bro.” He chuckles. “Anyway, don’t think about it like this is for you. This is for us.”

“What’s for us?”

“Start of the summer party.”

“Come on, seriously?”

“Yes! It’ll be just what the doctor ordered, Micah.”

“I don’t know,” I say, taking in another spoonful of cereal.

“It’s either a party after finals, or we continue to do two-a-days. I can’t stand this mopey shit you got going on.”

“Dick,” I reply with a chuckle. In addition to our regular workouts, since I broke up with Lana again, Taylor’s been forcing me to work out a second time. Usually at midnight, since the gym is open twenty-four hours, or we’ll hit the weights again on days we both work.

“So?” He raises an eyebrow.

I let out a groan. “Fine, whatever.”

“Awesome. Invite whoever you want. Preferably chicks.”

“Of course.” I scoop up some more cereal. “Who knows, maybe I’ll find Mrs. Right.”

Taylor lets out a laugh, opening the fridge back up and grabbing an energy drink. “Mrs. Right? Micah, I’m not trying to find you Mrs. Right. I’m just looking for a Ms. Right Now for you.” He cracks open the can, taking a drink.

I laugh. “I think you cornered the market on those.”

* * *

“Two more!” Taylor yells.

We’ve been at the gym for a couple of hours. I grip the bar sitting across my shoulders, squatting low, hamstrings burning. My shoulders stiffen, as I grunt to stand back up straight.

“One more!”

The sweat beads off my face. I never thought I’d be a gym guy. I exercised here and there, but nothing measured or regular. The first time Taylor brought me to the gym, I fought him tooth and nail. I’d just broken up with Lana, and the last thing I wanted to do was workout. I struggled through it, but by the time it ended, I could feel the endorphins kicking in and got hooked. Especially on days I need to blow off steam.

The steel bar clanks as I set it against the rack.

“Shit, Micah. Max weight today. Not bad.”

Collapsing to the mat, I throw an arm over my face. “Thanks.”

Sitting next to me, he throws me a towel. “I’m gonna have to step my game up.”

“Right.” I wipe my face. “You’ve still got me beat by twenty pounds.”

“Well, you keep pushing yourself at this pace, I’ll have to do the same.”

Weight training with Taylor has become an outlet. Therapy. He’s the only person who knows what really went down between Lana and me the first time. Well, other than the guy I caught her cheating on me with. I let out a loud sigh, the memories surfacing.

“Micah, you need to forget that bitch, and you know I’m right. What she pulled? That’s some bullshit. You gonna call Olivia?”

I shake my head. Before we got to the gym, he texted me this girl’s number, telling me he put in a good word for me.

“Micah, come on. I’m trying to help you out here.”

“Dude, I can’t just screw her out of my system. I’m not you.” He lets out a scoff, and I glance over at him to see an insulted expression. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Whatever. I don’t even care because this isn’t about me. Hey, what about that Veronica chick you told me about last semester?”

“I said she was in my art class. That’s it.”

“I’ve seen her around campus with her friend, Cindy. She’d be perfect.”

“It’s not gonna happen. It’s been two weeks, calm down.”

Veronica is cute. I met her last year, briefly during a bonfire. We talked a little in our art class, but not much. Since it was before Lana and I got back together, it did cross my mind to maybe ask her out. I’d gone out with a couple girls, but I didn’t want to do anything serious.

Getting back to my feet, I’m about to head to a new rack of weights when someone catches the corner of my eye. Matt Hillard.

I have nothing against Matt personally. He’s a nice guy. But I’ve resented him for over a year. It calmed down a bit when Lana and I got back together, but now that we’re done again, and the fact that I caught her again, the memories come back. He didn’t play a personal part in that situation per se, but it all happened around him. So seeing him just sparks the fire of annoyance and hurt again.

“Hey, I’m gonna hit the lockers.”

“What? We didn’t do calves yet.” Taylor gets to his feet, blocking me.

“Yeah, but I got a paper to finish—”

“Hey, what’s up guys?” Matt calls out.

Taylor knows him better than I do, playing football and basketball with him during high school. He also knows the truth of why I get so frustrated by just the sight of him.

“Hey,” I say and abruptly walk past him.

I know it comes off as cold and it looks like I’m being a jerk to him. Two of my best friends from high school, Emma and Jen, have told me that. But I can’t help it.

“What the?” I hear him say behind me, but I keep walking to the lockers.

“What are you doing here?” Taylor asks, and by the sound of it he’s following behind.

“I usually hit up Gold’s Gym, but my dad’s firm was giving out guest passes. Hey, Micah?” I don’t turn around. “Micah?”

“What?” I call back without looking, walking into the locker room.

“What the hell, man? What’s your problem?”

“Matt, come on,” Taylor says, and I turn toward a set of lockers, seeing him try to usher Matt back.

“No, this is bullshit,” Matt’s voice gets louder. “Micah, you’ve acted like a douche to me ever since high school. I want to know what the hell I did because I’ve tried to be nothing but nice to you.”

“Man, get out of my face.” I curl a lip, putting in the code on my lock.

“No, I want to know. You’ve treated me like dirt for over a year.”

“Matt, come on, bro.” Taylor puts a hand on his chest. “Just leave him alone.”

“No. Micah, what the hell is your problem?”

“Matt—”

“You’re my problem, okay!” I cut off Taylor, stepping to Matt. The memories from the party start rushing back.

“Why? What’d I ever do to you?”

“Everything! You did everything, you asshole! You and that damn party.”

Confusion masks his face. “What are you talking about?”

“You want to know why I can’t stand to be around you, Matt? It’s not because I hate you, because truth be told, I actually thought we could’ve been friends. You seemed like a cool guy in school. The reason I can’t stand to look at you has nothing to do with you personally, and everything to do with that damn party you threw.”

“Micah, just drop it, man. It’s not worth it,” Taylor interjects, but I’m already worked up.

Maybe I should’ve told Matt about this a long time ago, but I didn’t. I’m saying it now though. If he wants to know why I can’t stand him, he can finally have the truth.

“No.” I point at Taylor, who raises his hands in submission. Looking back at Matt, I see he’s giving me a smug grin, waiting on what I’m sure he thinks is a flimsy excuse. “Your whole basketball team was at that party. Emma and Carter had just got together. I was actually having a good time. You had your backyard set up, people were in the jacuzzi. Mr. Class President was throwing one of the best senior parties of the year.”

“You don’t like to have fun? That’s your problem with me?” He lets out an incredulous scoff.

“No, I like having fun as much as anyone else. But you know what? Lana, my girlfriend at the time, well she really liked to have fun. I went inside your house, got sidetracked, and talked to a few people. Coming back out, I looked for her and guess where I found her?” I stare at him. He stares back, looking at me like the story I’m telling him is completely pointless. “In your pool house, giving head to one of your teammates.”

His apathetic grin vanishes. He stands a little straighter, concern across his brow. “What?”

“Do you need me to spell it out for you? She was sucking some guy’s dick. You happy now?”

The locker room’s silent. Matt’s face drops. I grab my gym bag out of my locker and slam it shut.

“Damn. Micah, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“No shit.” I scowl at him, before brushing past him and out of the gym.

I was actually looking forward to this summer. Not that I ever really hang out with Matt, but his friends mingle with my friends. I wanted to catch up with Jen and Emma, who I’ve barely seen since college started, and I knew he’d probably be around. But now that Lana and I are done—for good this time—I don’t want to see any one of them. Which sucks. Not only are the memories coming back of that damn party but the fresh memories of catching her at her apartment. I thought we were in love. Once we got back together, I thought we’d put it all behind us. I was wrong. And now, I just feel lost.

Chapter 4

Veronica

“That’s cheating,” I try to sound serious, but the laughter surrounds my words.

“How is that cheating, Vero?” my brother, Javier, asks. “It’s called a poker face. Ever hear of it?”

“Yeah, except we’re playing Go Fish, Javi.” Tossing my cards down, I watch as they slide across the table.

Ever since I was in middle school, all of my brothers—Javier, Tomás, and Miguel—along with Cindy, have had a standing traditional card game after we have a family dinner on Friday nights. Cindy laughs, while Tomás, my oldest sibling, stands up and starts organizing the cards. Javier reaches over the table, clawing at his winnings; an obnoxious amount of gummy bear packages.

“You can’t lie and say you don’t have a two in Go Fish. If you have it, you have to hand it over.”

He smirks, lifting his shoulders, and opens up one of the candy bags. “Whatever.”

“Come on, Cin.” I push away from the table.

My parents have already retreated to the living room, my dad reading while my mom watches one of her telenovelas. Miguel steals one of Javier’s bags of candy.

“So, how’d your finals go?” Tomás asks Cindy.

“Aced ’em,” she says proudly.

“Of course you did,” I tease her. “I still can’t believe you decided to not go to some fancy college and leave me behind to suffer in community college hell.”

“Watch it,” Tomás warns me.

Being the oldest, ten years older than me, he’s always played the authority figure. It gets annoying because I’ve heard him use more than his share of f-bombs, but he likes to act as our second dad, to me especially. I’m pretty sure my father enjoys that because that way there’s another set of eyes on the baby, even though Javier is only two years older than me. Miguel is in the middle, at five years my elder.

‘Whatever,’ I mouth to him, making my thumbs and fingers into a W.

“I could never leave you, V,” she says, wrapping me in a hug. Her arms still around me, she looks over at Miguel. “Besides, you know I’m waiting on Mike to ask me out.”

“Very funny,” he brushes her off, eating another gummy bear.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” She turns around and follows me as I head back to my room. “I ran into Taylor after class. He invited us to a party he’s throwing tomorrow night.”

“What party?” Tomás asks more commanding than necessary.

“Whoa, down boy.” I pat his shoulder.

“Who’s going to be there? You guys aren’t twenty-one, will people be drinking? Vero, you’re not drinking.”

I stand there, flabbergasted. Miguel and Javier are snickering while Cindy tries to stifle a laugh. “Oh my God, Toto. I have no idea who will be there, what will be going on, or if I’m even going. You were standing right next to me, two seconds ago, when Cindy brought it up. It’s the first I’ve heard of it.”

“I’m just saying—”

“I know what you’re saying.” I fold my arms, staring down my older brother. “Come on, Cin, let’s go to my room,” I say without breaking my line of sight with him. “That way we can have some privacy, talk about drugs and alcohol, and figure out when we want to get knocked up while being drunk at some college party.”

“Vero,” Tomás admonishes, but I turn around and walk away.

“Go home, Toto. I think I hear Yesenia ringing for you.”

The last comment makes everyone burst into hysterics, leaving Tomás grumbling as I close my door.

Yesenia is Tomás’ wife, and they live in the guest house in our backyard. She’s super nice, and we get along great, but the ringing comment is an ongoing joke. She broke her leg last year and Tomás, being the thoughtful and loving husband he is, decided to get her a bell. Whenever she needed something, all she had to do was ring the bell, and he’d turn up. I thought it was adorable, but Miguel was the first to bring up the fact that she was beckoning him like a dog.

That, combined with the fact that I call him Toto—I started calling him that when I was three and it stuck—sent all of us into a fit of laughter when Miguel said, “Look at that. Yesenia is Dorothy, and she has her very own bell for Toto.”

It wasn’t hilarious, but at the exact moment he said it the bell rang. Tomás flashed us all a menacing scowl, before turning around and sulking back to the guest house and his wife. “You’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto,” Javier yelled out. That sent us overboard.

“So, what’s this about a party?” I ask, laying down on my bed and pulling out my phone.

“I guess Taylor said it’s just a party to kick-off summer, or whatever. It’s the perfect chance to finally get you with Micah. They’re roommates.”

“Cindy, would you stop with that already.”

“What? It’s my job, V.”

“Nothing is your job.”

“You’re right. It was our job. But seeing as how Izzy decided to take UC Santa Barbara up on that scholarship, we don’t see her as much anymore.”

Izzy is our other best friend from high school. She was initially going to enroll at Irvine Community with us, but she had a great scholarship offer from UCSB. It’s only a couple hours away, but far enough that she stays close to campus, and when she is home, she’s usually with her boyfriend.

“Oh God, not this again.”

“Yes. This again. Project V.”

I let out a long, exasperated sigh at the stupid nickname. After we graduated high school last summer, they said they were making it their responsibility to find me a good guy. Not for a long-term relationship mind you, but someone they thought would be the perfect guy to lose my virginity to. And they gave themselves a deadline, too.

“V, we just finished out the second semester. July fourth is right around the corner. You know as well as I do that that’s the deadline.”

“I can’t believe you’re taking this that seriously. It was a stupid joke.”

“Izzy may have said it as a joke, but I’m serious. Look, I know why you’re nervous,” she says, and I can feel her eyes on me. She knows what happened with Tim, I just told everyone else I broke up with him. They both assured me he’s a lying dirtbag, but they know how much his words stung. “But that’s why I’m taking this so seriously. It’d be fine if it were something big, like waiting until you were married. That’s fine. But you and I both know that’s not why you haven’t tried to do anything this entire year of college.”

I bite my lip, breaking eye contact with her. I love and hate that she knows me so well.

“We’re going to this party, and I’m not saying you have to hookup with someone there. Hell, I really don’t care about that deadline either. This isn’t a bet thing. This is a Veronica thing. I want you to feel good with yourself. Comfortable with who you are because you’re so great. And once you finally realize that, whether it’s because you punched your v-card or not, that confidence is only going to magnify what I already know. That Veronica Rodriguez is amazing.”

Chapter 5

Micah

After finals week, I’m not interested in having a party. Taylor tried talking it up throughout the week, and while it sounded like a good idea, I knew he was just doing it in hopes of me hooking up with someone. But it’s actually a good distraction. While it’s not a huge house party, due to the size of our apartment, it’s a good size crowd. Plus, Veronica shows up with Cindy.

“So, how’s your graphic novel coming along?” Veronica asks as we hang out in the kitchen.

I’m a little impressed she remembers me talking about it in the past. “About as good as a snail in a salt field.”

She lets out an exaggerated cringe, making me smile. “That’s too bad. I remember you telling me it’s a sci-fi story, right?”

Impressed again. “Yeah, kinda. It’s part science fiction, part romance. Kind of like a rom-com set in the future.”

“Wow, so not your typical Marvel comic.”

“No, definitely not.” I laugh.

It’s only a small tidbit of conversation, but it’s the same throughout the night. Talking to her is easy. And here’s the thing; Veronica is exactly my type.

My friends were shocked when I started dating Lana because she’s taller, blonde, and seemed high maintenance. I mean, she was, but I didn’t really care because I did like her. I thought I loved her at one time.

Veronica, on the other hand, is shorter, with dark curly hair, and incredible dark chocolate eyes. She seemed a little shy talking to me, but I get the feeling she’s down to earth. She gives me the impression that we could just chill on a Saturday night, whereas if Lana wasn’t partying Friday through Sunday, she’d complain for hours.

Taylor’s seen me talking to her a few times tonight and gives me a head nod with a huge, cheese-eating grin.

As the night goes on, we keep our conversation going and it’s refreshing. One of the things I like about talking to her is that she’s funny. An honest type of funny, where she says something, and she’s not trying to make me laugh, it just comes out naturally. And not to sound like a dude-bro, but I have checked out her ass a couple of times. That being said, the thing I’m drawn to most is her smile. And she has this little giggle she does that keeps me locked onto her.

We’re sitting on the couch as people start clearing the apartment when Cindy walks over to us. “Hey, V. You ready?”

“Oh.” She looks over at her. There’s a moment of silence and Veronica appears to be blushing. Cindy flashes me a quick glance, before looking back at her. It almost seems like a silent conversation is going on. “Um, I think I’ll just hang out here a bit longer. I’ll take an Uber home.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I say. “I can take you home.”

Veronica seems a bit taken aback. “Oh … okay.”

Another silent conversation plays out between them before Cindy gives her a smile. “Okay, then. See you guys later. Thanks, Micah. This was fun.”

It’s only after Cindy leaves that I notice Veronica is the last one here. Her eyes meet mine, and we sit for a moment in silence. She said she wanted to stay, but stay for what? To talk? Something more? This is exactly what Taylor’s been saying I need to get my mind off of Lana, but that’s not me. I’m not the kind of guy to just hookup with girls, much to Taylor’s dismay.

Before either of us can say anything, a moan emanates from Taylor’s room, and both of our eyes widen.

“So that’s where he disappeared off to,” Veronica says, a slight blush creeping up her face.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry.”

“For what?”

I bite the inside of my lip, wrinkling my nose. “We have, um, thin walls.” More embarrassment shows and I want to say we should go to my room, but I don’t want her to think I’m saying we should do something. Then I remember a stupid stunt Taylor pulled last week. “Hey, you want to prank him?”

She wrinkles her nose, her teeth together. “A prank? I’m not sure … I don’t know him that well. Cindy knows him better than I do.”

“I know, but he caught me in my room last week and got me so—”

“He caught you in your room … with someone?” She looks at me almost like she’s in shock.

“Oh, no.” I wave my hand. “Not with someone.”

“What do you mean then?”

Damn it. I can feel my face get hot and I’m sure it’s turning red. Something about talking to her tonight has put me at ease. Comfortable enough that I just left myself open to something super embarrassing. “Uh, you know what? Never mind.”

“What?” There’s that giggle again. She’s sitting with her legs crossed, her knee lightly brushing against mine.

“Well … I was alone …”

Her eyes go wide, and then suddenly shoot to my crotch. Then, as if catching what she’s doing, they shoot back up to meet my eyes. “Oh!”

“Wow, I can’t believe I just told you that.”

The silence drifts back between us. She looks as embarrassed as I feel. I seriously can’t believe I just said that. Maybe it’s that comfortability I’m feeling with her. It has to be. We’ve talked about stuff that’s mostly insignificant. Movies, books, food. Some things we have in common, other things we don’t, but it doesn’t matter. We seem to connect.

The silence is broken with Taylor’s words, and we both stifle a laugh. “Damn, girl.”

“Anyways,” I clear my throat, “he walked into my room, looking for a condom.” I shake my head, still not sure why I’m telling her all this. At the same time, she doesn’t appear to be as embarrassed anymore. “I kicked him out while he was laughing his ass off. Two minutes later he came back in, a girl in tow, talking like we were supposed to have a threesome. The girl seemed shocked, I freaked out and cursed at him, telling him to get out. He immediately started busting up, and the girl took off.”

“Oh, my God.” She’s laughing. “He didn’t.”

“He did. He gathered himself enough to chase after her. I heard him calling out, ‘Don’t worry, baby. I’ll change his mind. Come back!’ Saying that two guys make it hotter and all this stuff. All the while still laughing his ass off.”

She’s in hysterics now, leaning over, her head on my shoulder. “That’s insane.”

“I know!”

We hear another moan from the room.

“So, yeah, I really want to get him back.” I smile at her.

“What’d you have in mind?”

I pull her off the couch, and we walk over to Taylor’s door. I know exactly what I want to do. And it all starts with kissing her. Yes, I do want to prank Taylor, but I can’t lie—the more we’ve talked tonight, the more I’ve wanted to kiss her.

“So, what are we doing?” she asks.

I bite my lip, nervously. “Just go with it, okay?”

She returns my gaze, nodding.

Leaning closer to her, I wrap an arm around her waist. Her eyes widen, putting a hand on my chest. Suddenly, I don’t want to continue on with this prank. I just want to keep her close to me. Holding her, feeling her body close to mine. I lean down and my nose brushes against hers; I feel her breath across my lips. I nearly forget about everything, especially my stupid prank, when I hear Taylor behind the door.

“Damn, baby, you feel so good.”

Veronica and I stare at each other. I make my move.

As soon as my lips meet hers … Sparks. Fire. A part of me wonders if it’s just because I haven’t kissed anyone else in a while. But I know it’s not. Her lips on mine feel electric. And I wouldn’t even remember the prank if Taylor didn’t start screaming at me as I opened the door.

“What the hell, Micah?” Taylor yells, and the girl yelps.

I pull away from Veronica. Is it my imagination, or does she look flustered? I wish I could examine it a little longer, but I turn to Taylor, smiling. “Oh, baby, you found one, too!”

“What?” He stares at me, shifting in the bed, and I have to stifle my laugh from him hiding his excitement.

“Well, Veronica said she’d be into it.” I look at her. She seems confused for a moment, but follows my lead and starts to nod. “I know she’s your step-sister, but you said you’d be cool with it. And she’s not blood-related, so …”

“What the hell are you talking about?” he practically shrieks.

I let go of Veronica and put a knee on the bed. The girl scoots back, staring at Taylor, confused.

“T, I know we’ve had some rough patches, but I really think this might be just the spark we need. And if you want to make it a four-way,” I look over at her and give her the most comforting and understanding smile I can; she recoils, totally confused, “instead of a three-way, then I say, let’s do it. Right, Veronica?”

Her eyes are wide. Her hand’s in front of her mouth, and I can tell she’s trying not to laugh. She nods and then looks at Taylor. “Absolutely. Taylor, I just want you to be happy. And Micah, he really loves you.”

“What the shit is going on?” Taylor yells at both of us. “Get the hell out of my room, both of you!”

“But, baby …” I reach out to him, and the girl jumps off the bed, keeping the sheet around her while grabbing her clothes off the ground.

“This is too weird!”

“No. Gretchen, he’s just messing around!” Taylor calls out.

“Baby, it’s okay. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“Don’t call me!” Gretchen yells, running out of the room.

Veronica watches her leave the apartment. My eyes follow her out, before looking back at Taylor, who’s also watching her go. When the front door shuts, his head snaps toward me, and he lunges.

“You asshole!”

I jump off the bed, Veronica in a fit of giggles now. “Payback’s a bitch, huh?” I say, laughing.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hookup with her?”

“Oh, um, Taylor?” Veronica starts, her cheeks blushing

“No.” He points at her, standing up. “You don’t get to say anything. Step-sister? What the hell was that?”

“Hey, uh, bro?” I glance around, trying to get his attention.

“Shut up, cockblocker.”

“Uh,” I laugh. “Looks like I didn’t block as much as you think.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

I look over at Veronica, who’s averted her eyes, still giggling. I point down at his waist, his boxers tenting.

“Shit!” He jumps back on the bad, grabbing a sheet to cover himself. “Get the hell out of here!”

We both burst into laughter, scampering out of his room and into mine.

Chapter 6

Veronica

Running out of Taylor’s room while he’s yelling at us, I follow Micah into his. It’s like we’re old friends and we both flop down on his bed in a fit of laughter.

“Did you see his face?” Micah wipes the tears from his eyes

“That was hilarious.” I hold my stomach. “Oh man, he’s going to really want to get you back for that one.”

“It was worth it.”

The laughing continues for a few more minutes, and he reaches over to his desk, grabbing a remote. “Want to watch some Netflix?”

I wipe my eyes again, giving him a coy grin. “Micah, are you asking me to Netflix and chill?”

“Oh!” His eyes pop open. “No! Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

I wasn’t planning on staying after everyone left. As well as we seemed to be getting along, when it started to die out, I was going to leave when Cindy was ready. It wasn’t until halfway through the party she pulled me aside and told me her plan.

Still entirely determined on getting me to hookup with Micah, she said if I wanted to stay just tell her I would get an Uber. I told her okay, mostly just to get her to shut up about it. But the more the night went on, the more I was thinking about her idea. And the more I was leaning toward using it. When she finally said she was ready to go, I could tell from the expression on her face she wanted me to act on her plan. I surprised myself when I actually did it.

“What’d you want to watch?”

He turns on the TV. “I’ve been binging on Supernatural lately.”

“Cool.” I nod, sitting up and kicking off my shoes.

I don’t know what it is that makes me feel so comfortable around him. We talked a little in our art class, and I knew who he was in high school, but I would’ve never called us friends. Of course, I always thought he was cute. Cindy would call him delicious. Okay, I’d call him delicious, too.

He’s a foot taller than me, and his broad shoulders just emphasize that more. Dark brown hair that’s short but long enough to style. I’ve wanted to run my fingers through it a couple times tonight. His square jawline is clean shaven, though he does have a small five o’clock shadow, and dark umber eyes that draw me in.

He’s in jeans and a T-shirt, but I’ve seen him at the gym. Sleeves cut off, shorts riding high when he’s working out his legs. It’s enough to make a girl drool. I’m sure he does, which is why I’ve tried to hide when I see him. I mean, what guy would be looking at the chunky girl on the elliptical machine, when Malibu Barbie is deliberating working out her glutes in front of him.

Trying to focus, I watch the TV as he scrolls. “Have you ever watched New Girl?” I ask.

“Not really. Is it good?”

I nod. “It’s funny. But we don’t have to watch it.”

“Why not? If you say it’s good, I’ll give it a try.”

“No, it’s okay.” I shake my head.

Bringing up New Girl makes me think of Tim. It doesn’t happen a lot anymore, but certain things trigger memories of him. Watching New Girl is one of them. Or, should I say, not watching it.

We were hanging out in his room one time, and I brought up the show. We’d been watching a marathon of The Walking Dead, which I also like. But we watched three episodes, and I wanted to watch something else. I pulled up New Girl and started an episode while he was in the bathroom.

“What happened?” he asked when he came back in.

“Let’s watch this. Please?” I gave him my best cute-pouty look. “I’m tired of zombies.”

“What is it?” He watched the quick opening of the show then looked at me, throwing up an eyebrow. “Are you serious, V?”

“Yeah.” I smiled.

“This looks stupid.” He grabbed the remote and put on another episode of Walking Dead.

Micah nudges my arm, breaking up the memory. “You good?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “Put on whatever you want. I mean, it’s your TV.”

“All right.”

I return my gaze back to the sheets and then down at my shoes on the ground. What am I doing here? Why do I even think there’s a possibility of making out with him? Yeah, sure, we kissed playing that joke on Taylor, but it was a joke. Tingles spread across my arms as soon as his lips touched mine, and when he broke away, I was a little disappointed. But why? It was a prank. This is so stupid.

My doubts are broken up by the theme song playing. “Who’s that girl? It’s Jess!”

My head snaps to Micah, who’s looking at me with a huge grin. “What are you doing?” I ask.

“Checking out New Girl.” I start to smile as he gets off the bed. “Hold on a second.” He grabs the remote and pauses the show, running out of the room. Thirty seconds later he comes back in with a bag of chips and two sodas.

“You like Dr. Pepper?” he asks, and I nod. “Cool. I would’ve offered to make popcorn, but we ran out. We got Ruffles though.”

“Ruffles are great.” I smile over at him.

He sits back down on the bed, handing me the drink, and opening the bag of chips. He starts the episode and digs into the chips. I take a small sip of the soda. We don’t talk, just lean back against his headboard, watching the show.

It’s a comfortable silence. I’ve always felt like someone should be saying something, even if it’s just a comment about something random. As if too much silence meant why were we even hanging out or together in the first place. But I don’t feel that with Micah. He chuckles at the jokes on the show, and I glance over at him and see if he’s really enjoying it or he’s just trying to like it for me. He looks like he’s paying attention, and I smile. Catching me looking, he bumps his shoulder into mine.

“You haven’t eaten any chips?” He motions to the bag, offering me some again. “You don’t like them?”

“Oh, no, it’s not that.” I bite my lip, feeling a little embarrassed.

“What is it?”

I should just make up an excuse, but I feel at ease around him. Only Cindy and my family know how self-conscious I am about my weight, it’s not something I like to share. But something about the way he’s looking at me like he’s actually interested in what’s on my mind makes me speak up. “I’m kind of on a diet.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, I have been for a while, but it comes and goes. Lately, I’ve been trying to stick to it again.”

“That’s cool, I guess.”

“You guess?” His words confuse me. Is he just being nice? Does he think I’m like other girls who say they’re on a diet to try and impress a guy?

He shrugs. “Yeah. I don’t know. I guess I think you look fine how you are.”

I scoff. “That’d be a first.”

“What?”

Again, the comfortableness I feel around him has me saying more than I usually would. “I know guys say they like a girl with curves, but there’s a difference between curves and being fat.”

He recoils. “Whoa.”

I’ve said too much. I expect him to look at me like I’m weird or maybe a little out there. Anything other than how he’s actually looking at me, which is with concern.

“Veronica—”

“Micah, don’t.” I shake my head and avert my eyes. “I know what I am, okay? I have to see myself every day. I’ve lost twenty pounds, which might not be a lot, but I think I look better. And I feel better, too. But I know what I am.”

The room goes silent. I glance over at the show and see that he’s paused it. He doesn’t break the silence until I look up at him. “If losing weight will make you feel better about yourself, then you do that. Good job, by the way. But, I think you’re beautiful.”

I feel my face go flush, but can’t break my eyes away from him. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” He rolls his eyes but smiles. “Besides, haven’t you heard the old saying? Guys like a little more cushion for the pushin’?” His eyes widen, mortification flashing across his face. “Wow, sorry. That was douchey. I just mean you look fine.” He clears his throat, returning his attention back to the TV, unpausing it.

I can’t explain why his comment doesn’t make me roll my eyes. I know he’s not taking a shot or trying to be dumb. He’s just attempting to make me feel better about myself. And it makes me feel even more relaxed around him. More than relaxed or comfortable, it makes me feel safe around him.

Scooting a little closer to him, I grab a couple chips. Through the corner of my eye, I see him smile. He lifts his arm and wraps it around me, and I snuggle closer. I’m not sure if he’s looking for a hookup, but I don’t think so. If this was Taylor, as I’ve seen firsthand, I know he’d probably try making a move. But he seems to be enjoying the show and my company. Then I wonder if he’s still hurt over his ex. I still don’t know what happened there.

“Another episode?” he asks. Looking up at him, our faces are only inches apart. His dark brown eyes lock onto mine, and he licks his lips.

You know what, screw this. Cindy’s right, I’m in college. I may be a virgin, but there’s no reason to not just have fun. He’s already said my weight isn’t an issue. He wouldn’t be lying, would he? Would he want to make out with me? Thinking about a possible make out session reminds me of his lips just a little bit ago. I want to taste them again. I try to gather as much confidence as I can, channeling my inner Cindy.

“How about something else?” I whisper.

“Okay.” He nods. “What other show—”

“Micah?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

That’s not the reply I was looking for. I feel my confidence dwindling. How does Cindy make this look so easy?

“Kiss me,” I repeat, hanging on to whatever little confidence I have left.

He leans closer and our noses touch. Raising a hand to my cheek, I feel his lips skim across mine. His hand slides from my face to my arm and then to my waist, his eyes still locked on mine. His face is as close as he can get without kissing me, but he leans his body closer. His hand moves around my curves, and my hand reaches up to his face. Then his lips connect with mine and the electricity returns.

The same feeling from earlier rushes through me. His tongue sweeps over my bottom lip, and I finally get to run my fingers through his hair, which sends waves of excitement through me. His hands brush along my waist, his fingers skirting under the hem of my shirt. He shifts closer, and I sink a little lower in his bed.

Wait. We’re in his bed. I’m in his bed.

Uh oh.

I feel stupid for not thinking ahead of time. How do you ask a guy to make out with you when you’re laying in his bed and not expect him to not want to take it further? But I have to tell him. I have to let him know I just want to make out. I just want his lips on mine, and I don’t want to take it further, at least not tonight. Because if he expects me to, then what? As much as Project V is a joke, it’s not like I don’t want to have sex. But as hot as Micah is, I don’t want to be a one-night stand or a rebound.

“Wait, wait.” I feel the embarrassment creeping up and try to ready myself for his look of annoyance that will no doubt come from my next words.

“What?”

“I’m sorry. I just …” Biting my lip, I avert my eyes. “I just don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m so stupid.”

Bringing a hand to my chin, he tilts my face so my gaze meets his. “Hey, don’t say that. What’s wrong?”

I give an incredulous laugh at myself. “I want you to kiss me. I want to make out with you. But that’s all.”

“Okay.” He nods.

“Okay?” I look at him, confused.

He lets out a laugh, squinting. “Veronica, what guy is going to say no to making out with a cute girl in his bed?”

Drop it, Veronica. Just take what he’s giving you and get on with the making out. But I can’t. I dig my hole deeper. “You mean, you don’t mind if we don’t … have sex?”

“Wow.” He sits up straighter. “That’s messed up. Sex is off the table, so you think I’d just avoid kissing. How little you think of me.”

“Oh, no!” I sit up. I’ve ruined everything now. “Micah, that’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised. You know guys are—”

“Dang, and then you just lump me in with other guys.”

He folds his arms across his chest, looking away. Thoroughly embarrassed, I get up from the bed, grabbing my shoes off the floor and head to the door. I don’t even try to put them back on. I’ll just walk out, text Cindy, and let her laugh at me while I relate this entire stupid experience on my way home.

“What are you doing?” he asks as I approach the door.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not having it in me to turn and face him. “I’m so dumb. I just didn’t want to lead you on.”

“You didn’t. So …” He lets the word hang in the air, and I wait for more, but he says nothing. I finally turn around, and he has a huge grin, his hands behind his head. “We still gonna make out or what?”

My jaw drops. “You jerk!” I laugh as I run at him, landing on top of him.

“Sorry,” he laughs, bringing a hand up to my cheek as I straddle him. “Also,” he wraps his arms around me, his hands cupping my butt, “I kind of only gave you a half-truth earlier.”

I tilt my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“When I said you’re beautiful. I mean, you are, but that was only half of it.” He starts kissing my neck, down one side, around and up the other side.

“Okay,” I answer, shuddering as his mouth runs over my skin.

“I also think you’re incredibly sexy.”

My family has called me pretty, but they’re my family. My friends tell me I’m beautiful, but they’re my friends. I’ve had two boyfriends my entire life, one freshman year of high school, so we didn’t do much except kiss a few times and hold hands. Nothing too sexy about that. Tim was my boyfriend during senior year, and he should’ve been the one—of anyone—to call me that. But he never did. I thought I could be, but when I caught Tim cheating on me, I figured that must’ve been it. Or at least, one of the reasons he cheated on me. I wasn’t sexy enough.

But here I am with someone I inexplicably feel more comfortable within a few hours of talking than I did with three months of actively dating Tim. And with his hands on me, his tongue sliding over my lips again and meeting mine, I can’t control the moan I let out of how good it feels in his arms.

* * *

We made out for a while, and I totally expected Micah to try and escalate things. I don’t know how I would’ve responded to his requests, but he never made any. He did try to snake his hands under my shirt, but my self-conscious brain went into overdrive, and I immediately pulled his hands away, keeping them on the outside.

After the make out session ended, I was going to text Cindy, but Micah offered to watch some more New Girl. So we did, and I’m not sure when, but I fall asleep.

Waking up the next morning is strange. I know I’m in his room still, but a pang of anxiety hits me, questioning if I should’ve stayed the night. My eyes lift up, and I see Micah’s face in front of mine, his lips inches from my forehead. I swallow my nervousness, then realize I have a little drool seeping out, running down his shoulder. Wiping my mouth, I take full account of our positions.

I’ve never slept in a guy’s bed before, so waking up in his arms is a new feeling. Somehow our legs have tangled up. One of his arms is under my head, wrapped around me, keeping me close to him. One of mine is the same, and my other is over his shoulder. And that’s when I notice it. Our bodies are so close that his … well, he’s pressed into my stomach.

If Cindy was painting this picture for me from one of her hookups, or if I was watching this scene unfold in a movie or show, I’d think it was awkward and funny. But laying in his arms, it’s the furthest thing I’m feeling. I’m calm. And warm. I feel like this is the best feeling in the world and the only way I want to wake up from now on.

He didn’t press for details about why I didn’t want to lead him on, which I’m thankful for. If he had, I might’ve told him that I’m not ready for sex. But that’s not true. The truth is, I’m more than ready. I want to have sex. But I’m nervous. And scared. Not so much of the act itself, but being that open and vulnerable with someone.

He didn’t give me any reason to think he’ll judge me last night, but I still fear it. Micah told me I don’t have anything to be embarrassed about, but I still feel like I do.

Laying here with his arms around me, it’s crystal clear that he works out regularly. His body definitely warrants the drool I just wiped from his shoulder. But mine? I don’t know.

“Morning,” Micah’s hoarse words break me from my thoughts.

My eyes shoot up and meet his, just before he kisses my forehead. “Morning.”

“Did my morning breath wake you up?”

“No.” I laugh and shake my head. Then I immediately slap my hands over my mouth. “Oh, man. Do I have morning breath?”

He scoots lower, so we’re face-to-face. “I don’t know.” He raises a finger to my hand, nudging it to move away. “Let’s find out.”

I swallow nervously and let him push my hand away. Then he brings his lips to mine.

I press myself closer to him, wrapping my arms around him and turning over, to him laying on top of me. He’s still aroused, and it pushes into me. Something about that fact gets me hotter, and even though I know what I said last night, that was last night and now with him on top of me and my lips against his, I don’t want this to stop.

His lips stay on mine, but his body moves enough that’s there a gap.

“Sorry.” He smirks with a light blush creeping up his neck. “It’s, uh, morning.”

I shouldn’t be disappointed, but I am. “It’s okay.”

“And actually, I have to pee.” His smirk turns into a smile. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he grabs a shirt from the floor.

“Aw,” I sigh out loud. “You can keep the shirt off if you want.”

He looks back at me and chuckles. “Silly girl.” Before he leaves his room, he glances over his shoulder. “Oh, and no. You don’t have morning breath.”

Pulling the blankets closer, I smile and run my hand over the empty part of the bed. Across the room, a mirror flashes back my reflection, and I gasp. My hair is a disaster. I mean, it always is in the morning, but right now it’s out of control.

Rushing to the mirror, I hastily run my fingers through my curls, trying to get them under control. Even though he said I don’t have morning breath, I still breathe into my hand and check. It’s not horrible, so that’s good. I run my fingers under my eyes, attempting to relieve the morning puffiness. Rubbing a finger over the front of my teeth, I hear the bathroom door open and scamper back to the bed, getting under the covers.

He catches me pulling them up to my neck, and shoots me a suspicious look. I give him my best innocent expression as he walks back to the bed, laying on top of the sheets, putting his arm over me.

“What’d you do?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Your hair.” He runs his finger through it, pulling me closer.

I look away, a little embarrassed that he saw it so out of control. “I … it was horrible.”

“What?”

“It was insane. Curly hair bedhead is no joke.”

He lets out a laugh, and I feel it in his chest. Leaning over, he kisses the top of my head. “I love your hair. Especially that bedhead look.”

“Really?” He nods. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” His eyes roam over my hair again and then meet mine. “Not all fixed up and everything, which don’t get me wrong, you all done up looked amazing last night. But like this?” His eyes roam over my nose and lips, glancing down at the covers and then back at me. “This is you. I like this. Does that even make sense?”

I only nod because if I answer him, I might start crying. He likes me just how I am.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

I get closer to him and shake my head. “I’ll text Cindy.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Who are you?”

He chuckles before kissing my smile. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t press me for sex, even though I sleep with you. You compliment my crazy hair and watch my favorite TV show with me. And now you offer to take me home?”

Wrapping his arms around me, his laugh is deep. “I don’t know how to answer that. I’m just me, Vero.” The use of my nickname makes me pause. He notices my reaction, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

“Only my family calls me Vero.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I like it.”

A silence drifts between us, both of us exchanging smiles once more. It’s the same comfortable feeling I felt last night.

“You know, I really liked this,” he says.

“Me too.”

“I might be doing this out of order since I slept with you already.” He laughs, and I playfully slap him. “Do you think we could go out sometime?”

“I don’t know,” I answer with a smile, giving him pause. “I mean, like you said, we already slept together. I already got what I wanted from you.”

“Oh, so you’re just using me, huh?”

“Well, when you look like you do, I don’t really need you for anything except your body.”

“Silly girl,” he says, unleashing another laugh, and wraps me in his arms.

Chapter 7

Micah

I offer to walk Veronica out to Cindy’s car but she declines, and I stop at the door, giving her one more kiss. For as much fight as I gave Taylor for wanting to have his stupid party, I’m silently thanking him as she leaves. We talked most of the night, we watched TV, made out for a while, and then fell asleep together. And it all felt so natural.

Then this morning, even if we didn’t have sex, there was no awkward morning silence. No stumbling over words, wondering what we should do now. Again, everything just feels so comfortable with her. Natural.

As I’m closing the front door, Taylor walks out of his room. “What’s up, asshole?”

I immediately start laughing. “Dude, you have to admit, that was funny.”

He flips me off, heading to the bathroom. “At least one of us got some last night. About damn time for you, might I add.”

“We didn’t do anything.”

Taylor stops and stares at me, shocked. “Excuse me? It sounded like you just told me you didn’t hit that, but that can’t be right. You two were practically inseparable last night.”

“Well, I mean, we made out a bit, but we didn’t have sex.”

He gives me an apathetic look, shaking his head. “Micah, I’m disappointed in you.”

“Whatever.” Laughing it off, I head to the kitchen.

“Hit the gym after breakfast?”

“Can’t. Meeting up with my dad.”

“All right, cool. I’ll text him to make sure he gives you the birds and the bees conversation again, since apparently, you forgot how that shit works.”

“Ass.”

* * *

Debbie, our waitress, comes by and sets down a couple of cups of water. “Same ol’, same ol’ for you guys?”

“Please,” I respond, giving her a smile.

I just ate an hour ago, but whenever I meet up with my dad, we almost always meet at Mick’s, a small diner down the street from his office. He’ll get a Cubano sandwich, and I get a club sandwich. We usually meet once a week, just him and me to catch up and talk. We started it my junior year in high school, and it’s sort of stuck. He’s my best friend, even though I don’t tell Taylor that. He’s been my hero since grade school.

“So, how’d your finals turn out?” he asks.

“Good,” I answer with a nod. “Aced my English class and high B’s in biology and math.”

“And your art final?”

“Good. The instructor loved the mural I did. She said I should consider an intern job this summer for her brother. He runs an advertising agency in West Covina.”

“That’s great. You know, you can still work at my office if you want.”

“Thanks. I think I’ll just stay at the gym for the time being.”

He’s offered me a spot in his office for three years now. I worked for him for the summer between my junior and senior year, but I felt like I was getting special treatment. I mean, I was, but it seemed obvious to everyone else that worked there. It’s a small graphic design company he started years ago, and a handful of people work for him, so everyone is close. I don’t want to feel like the boss is giving me special treatment. Maybe if people who worked there were jerks, it’d be different, but they’re all really nice.

“Anyway, how’s Mom?”

“She’s good. Her and your aunt are helping your cousin with her wedding stuff.”

I shake my head. “I still can’t believe Judy’s getting married. A month after graduating high school no less. That’s crazy.”

“When you know, you know, son.”

“Yeah,” I reply, staring at my glass of water.

“Everything all right?”

I still haven’t told him or my mom about Lana and I. They’ve both been super supportive of us as a couple and my mom seemed to love Lana. They both did. I guess it’s time to rip off that bandaid. “Yeah, everything’s good, but … me and Lana. We, uh … broke up a few weeks ago.”

“A few weeks?”

“Last month.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just …” I trail off, taking a deep breath. “I really thought we could have a story like you and Mom.”

“Micah,” he says my name and doesn’t continue until I look up at him. “Everyone’s story is different. Sometimes things don’t work out. Don’t feel bad about that.”

“I know.”

“Do you think there’s any chance of you two getting back together?”

When we broke up the first time, I only told them we got into an argument and broke up. I felt bad about it at the time, but when we got back together, I was happy I did. It didn’t seem like such a big deal to them that we got back together. But I know there’s no chance of that now. “No. I caught her cheating on me.”

“Oh,” he says, staring down at the table. Looking back up he gives me a sympathetic smile. “Well, you know, people make mistakes.”

I don’t want to correct him. I don’t want to tell him it’s not the first time. So I just shake my head. “No. This … it wasn’t a mistake. We’re done.”

“Okay.” He stares at me with understanding.

“Here you guys go,” Debbie says, putting the plates down in front of us.

“Thanks, Deb.” I offer her a smile.

Eating in silence, he seems quieter than usual, but maybe he just doesn’t want to bring up Lana. I’m pretty sure my parents thought we might eventually get married one day.

No matter what I tried to tell myself, no matter how hard I tried not to think about it, it was never the same after the first time she cheated. I wanted to trust her, but there was always this nagging in the back of my mind, a constant fear of betrayal. I think that’s why I went out of my way so often to try and do nice things for her. On the one hand, that’s who I am. That’s how I was raised. My father has treated my mother better than anyone. I want to be like that.

But on the other hand, I think I was hoping if I went out of my way; if I took her out to dinners, or bought her gifts, or surprised her with flowers on her birthday, I could mask over my memories. Sometimes it worked. Most of the time, it didn’t.

We finish our food and pay the bill. Heading out to the parking lot, I unlock my small Chevy pickup truck. It’s a few years old, but still in good condition. A graduation gift from high school.

“How’s the truck running?”

“It’s good.” I give it a reassuring knock on the hood.

“You gonna be coming over this weekend?”

“Maybe.” I look away with a smirk, remembering the date I set up with Veronica.

He raises an eyebrow. “What’s that smile about?”

“Nothing. I, uh, have a date.”

Now both eyebrows go up as he slaps my shoulder. “Jumping back in already, huh? Good for you, son.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see. She’s nice.”

“Just give your mom a few more weeks.” He averts his eyes, rubbing his ear. “She really liked Lana. She was ecstatic when you guys got back together. I’ll let her know you guys broke up.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I reach over and give him a hug. “We still on for the Angels game next week?”

“Right behind home plate,” he answers with a smile.

“Sounds great.”

I take off and head to the gym. Now that the semester is over, I’ll be picking up more shifts, but I don’t start for a couple more hours. A quick workout session should be useful. It helps get my mind off of everything that happened.

I’m not sure how long I’ll still be angry over everything. Last night with Veronica was great though. I don’t want her to be a distraction. There is something there. But it’s probably too early to think of getting something serious going with her. I still need to get rid of the anger from what Lana did. Actually, I still want to be angry over what she did. It’s better than feeling like an idiot for falling for it again.

Chapter 8

Veronica

“What about this one?” I show Cindy a light blue blouse.

Her eyes roll, once again, as she glances over at me standing in front of my closet. “That’s fine, too, V.”

“I don’t know,” I respond, hanging the top back up and pulling down a black T-shirt. “What if I just went with a simple black shirt? Black always looks better.”

“Veronica, if you ask me one more time what you should wear, I’m going to throw my phone at you.”

“This is important, Cin. It’s like a first date. Wait, is it a first date? He just said meet him at Chevy’s. Do you think Chevy’s is considered a date-type atmosphere? It has karaoke and pool tables. Do you think he just wanted it to be casual, you know, to see how it goes?”

“Oh my God.” She gets off my bed and rips the shirt out of my hands. “You’re wearing this. Stop stressing out. And yes, this is a date.”

“Yeah, but what if he doesn’t really think of it as a date. What if he—”

“Shut it.” She puts a finger to my lips. “You guys made out, right?” I nod with her finger still against me. “And you said he called you sexy, right? And he got your number and invited you to this place tonight, correct?” I nod again. “Then this is a date, V. Put on that shirt and let’s go.”

She walks back over to my bed and returns to scrolling through her phone.

“Okay,” I answer her with a smile. Then I look down and see a line of shoes. “Oh, but what shoes should I wear?”

Her mouth drops. “Veronica, put on the freaking shirt!”

* * *

Chevy’s is a local spot that’s one-part hangout with some air hockey and pool tables, one-part karaoke bar, and one-part pub. Walking in, I scan the area looking for Micah. He said him and Taylor like to hang out here on the weekends.

“Stupid, Jackson,” Cindy grumbles, scowling at her phone.

“He’s not coming?”

“No, he’s making some lame excuse again. Something about working at his dad’s shop. I don’t know why I’m even talking to him.”

I let out a laugh and return to looking around. “Because you like him.”

“Not anymore.”

“So, you guys are off again?”

“Whatever,” she grumbles.

Cindy’s been dating Jackson, on and off, for the past few months. They’ll hookup, and things seem to be going okay, but then he’ll blow her off for days at a time. I keep telling her she’s better off without him.

“There’s Micah and Taylor.” I point to the back of the building. They’re both standing near a billiard table, two girls standing next to them. My self-esteem instantly lowers.

They’re both taller and thinner than me. A blonde girl is talking to Taylor, who seems to be enjoying the attention. The other girl has long, light brown hair, tiny shorts, with a skimpy top that shows off her waist. She playfully bumps into Micah’s shoulder, saying something, and he smiles before returning his attention to the pool table. I swallow the nerves, glancing down at my capris and shirt. I don’t look horrible, and I made sure my hair had a little extra bounce to it, but compared to that girl … no. There is no comparison.

“This was a mistake.” I turn around and head back to the entrance.

“Hey,” Cindy hisses. “No, V, wait up.” She grabs my wrist as I get to the doorway. “No, okay? You’re not doing this. You’re not walking out before giving this a shot. Project V—”

“Enough with stupid Project V, Cindy. My sex life is not some stupid bet. And I’m not going to try and hookup with someone just to get it over with.”

“It’s not about hooking up, Veronica.” She looks around, keeping her voice low. “I know we joke about it, but it’s not about that. It’s about you. It’s about being confident. Do you know who that girl is back there?” She points, and I shake my head, not bothering to look. “So you know nothing about what’s happening. Her and Booby For Brains Blondie could just be hitting on them, and Micah’s over there waiting for you, you don’t know. I’m not letting you give up that easy.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.” I stare down at my fidgeting fingers.

“And you’re never going to know if you don’t try.”

“Hey,” I hear Micah’s voice. Lifting my gaze, I see him approaching with a smile. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Cindy, who still has her back to him, gives me an ‘I told you so’ look, before grinning and turning around. “We just got here. You guys busy?” She peers around him and nods back to Taylor, where both girls are still lingering.

“What?” Micah turns to see what she’s talking about. “Oh, no. Taylor invited a friend, and she brought her own friend. The blonde girl is Stacey, and the other one is …” He chuckles and then looks at me. “I actually forgot her name.”

“Oh,” Cindy says, giving me the look again.

“Yeah. I was just gonna grab a couple drinks, you want anything?”

“Sure,” Cindy answers before motioning over to me. “I’m gonna go say hi and mingle around. Can you get me a Sprite, V?” She wiggles her eyebrows.

We approach the bar, and I notice Micah has two stamps on his hand. Everyone gets a stamp once they enter, and if you’re over twenty-one you get another, but I know he’s not. He must see me looking because he chuckles, leaning over.

“Bobby, the door guy, is Taylor’s cousin,” he whispers. As soon as his lips graze my ear, I forget why he’s telling me this. “He hooks Taylor and me up so we can order drinks if we want.”

“Oh.” I smile, trying to regain composure.

“What do you want?”

I know he’s asking me about drinks. That’s why we walked over to the bar. But he’s still so close, and I can’t help staring at his lips, thinking those are what I want.

“What can we get you, Micah?” the bartender speaks up, breaking my train of thought.

“Let me get a Sprite and …” Micah looks over at me with questioning eyes.

“Oh, just water please?”

“Really? Okay, a Sprite and two waters.”

“You got it.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I say.

“It’s cool.” He shrugs, leaning against the bar as we wait. “We get the stamp, but I hardly ever order drinks anyways.”

I’m not sure if he’s just saying it to make me feel better or not, but it comes across as sincere. He leans closer to me, sliding an arm behind me. “You look really nice by the way.” He tugs on a piece of my hair.

“Thank you,” I answer, unable to help how bashful it comes out.

I’m not sure if he leans closer, or I do, but I’m staring at his lips again, remembering what they felt like the other night. We’ve already made out, but this still feels like the awkward stage of a date, where you’re not sure whether you should lean in and kiss the other person or not.

He’s wearing a gray shirt that fits him snuggly, reminding me of how strong he felt when I was laying next to him. His hair sticks up a little in the front, and he smells like the woods. I’ve been camping a few times with my brothers, and there’s a fresh, crisp, forest smell you get right when you wake up, making you want to snuggle deeper in your blankets. That’s what it reminds me off, and now I want his arms around me.

“Here you go.” The bartender’s words break my thoughts again.

Micah hands me the water bottle with a smile. “So, you want to hang out in the back? We can play a game of pool or—”

“Micah!” Taylor’s voice rings out, echoing through the entire place. “Where’s Micah?”

“Oh no,” Micah whispers.

“There you are!” Taylor calls out, standing on the karaoke stage. “Micah, I made sure they had this song specifically for you tonight, bro.”

“What is he doing?” I ask, giggling.

“Being an idiot.”

“Hit it, Brody,” Taylor says, and looks over at a DJ. Guitar strings play through the speakers. “Now, I’m not a Beibs fan, but this is the Halsey version. Everyone cover your ears if you don’t like the F word. I can’t get enough of it.” He wiggles his eyebrows to Stacey, who laughs along with most of everyone else around. “Micah, don’t dick out on me. You’re singing this song.”

“How much has he had to drink?” I ask, now laughing.

“That’s the worst part. He’s completely sober.”

“And, please, ladies and gentleman,” Taylor continues, “if you know the words, you sing along, too. It’ll help Micah forget that bitch.”

“What’s going on?” Cindy walks over to us.

“Taylor thinks he’s being funny,” Micah answers.

The music hits. “For all the times that you rained on my parade.” He snaps his fingers, beginning to sing “Love Yourself” by Justin Bieber. People around the place are nodding, starting to clap along.

“Wow, he sings pretty good.”

“Micah, you listening?” Taylor yells before he picks up the lyrics again.

“Why’s he singing this for you?” I ask.

As soon as I ask the question, Taylor sings the lyric about breaking his heart and I know. It’s about Lana. Micah’s blushing but scowling, shaking his head. I want to ask him about her to see if he wants to talk about it, but at the same time, if he wanted to talk about it wouldn’t he have already? The only information I know is from overhearing his one phone call in the café, so it sounded like she cheated on him. Maybe we could commiserate together, but I don’t want to commiserate with Micah or anyone else for that matter. I want new memories. Better memories. Maybe Micah does, too.

“Micah, it’s coming up,” Taylor calls out. “Here it comes!” He yells out the main line of the chorus. Cindy yells out in excitement, singing along and laughing.

Micah still looks like he wants to kill him, but there’s a hint of amusement on his face. It makes any tension I might’ve felt when Taylor started evaporate.

“You should sing it,” I tell him.

“What?”

“It might be therapeutic.” I raise my shoulders and Micah smiles.

“Micah!” Taylor yells again. “Sing, you ass. It’s a release!” More people start to sing along.

Going through the next stanza of lyrics, it’s starting to come to the hook again. I decide to start singing, smiling at Micah.

“Fine!” Micah yells at the ceiling just as the main line starts again.

Everyone in the place continues to sing along to the end and then applauds as Taylor takes a bow, walking over to us.

“Feel better now?” Taylor asks with a smirk.

“I was feeling fine, dumbass,” Micah answers.

“Of course you were.” Taylor looks over at me with a smirk. “Anyways, I think I’m gonna head out. Stacey needs a ride.”

“I’m sure she does.” Micah rolls his eyes, making me laugh.

Cindy leans over to us. “Oh, and I had plans tonight with my boyfriend.”

“What?” I look at her with bloody murder. She smirks and waves her phone at me. The same phone I saw her arguing through text with Jackson earlier, who she’s also, never once, called her boyfriend.

“Yeah, so, um, Micah, could you take Veronica home later?”

“No problem,” Micah answers, looking at me. “If you’re cool with that.”

“Uh, sure.”

“Great,” Cindy says, leaning in and giving me a hug. “Take advantage of him tonight,” she whispers. “I want all the deets.”

She whips around and heads toward the exit, while my jaw clenches and I stare daggers at her.

“So …” I bite my lip, nervously looking around.

“So.”

“Sorry. I totally didn’t plan for Cindy to dump me in your lap and just leave.”

It seems to break the awkwardness and Micah chuckles. “It’s cool. Want to just hang out for a bit?”

“Yeah, if you want to.”

“Oh, you know what? The street fair’s open. It’s right up the road.”

“Okay.”

We leave Chevy’s and head up the street. He asks if I want to drive over there, but it’s not far, so we start walking and Micah takes my hand. It’s such a little thing, holding my hand, but it feels like it’s a big moment. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been on a date with someone that I’ve really liked in a long time.

The street fair is a few blocks long with different vendors, selling snacks or novelties. Walking around, we start talking about our classes, or if we’ve got any plans for the summer. I tell him about a trip coming up that my family always takes to visit grandmother in Mexico, and he tells me about the season tickets his father gets to see the Angels play. After all of my freaking out on Cindy, concerned whether this is technically a date and the jitters that would come with it, everything we talk about comes out seamlessly. It’s the same comfortableness I felt with him at the party.

No sooner am I feeling completely calm around him, do I see Tim ahead of us, walking with some girl. I’ve seen him during the semester, but I try to avoid him at all costs. Micah must notice my change in mood.

“Something wrong?”

“Oh, no.” I give him a weak smile, turning around to act like I’m looking at a vendor’s stand of miniature snow globes. Slowly, I peer over my shoulder and see Tim laugh, then give the girl a hug, pulling her closer.

Gazing back down at the table, I mentally scold myself. I shouldn’t be bothered by this. That scumbag cheated on me and said it was because I was too big for him. I shouldn’t care about him or that he’s with someone else. But I do.

“Who is that?” Micah asks.

I take a deep breath, then lift my gaze to meet his. “My ex. It’s so stupid, I shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t care about him.”

“It’s okay. I know a thing or two about exes.”

“It’s not though.” I stare back down at the globes. “He cheated on me.”

“Again,” he lets out a chuckle, “I know a little about that.”

“It’s just …” I let out a sigh.

Do I really want to tell Micah why he cheated on me? I guess it doesn’t matter now since it seems I’m still hung up on it.

“When I caught him … it was over a year ago. We were still in high school. And when it happened, he basically said it was because he’d never been with a heavy girl.”

Micah cringes, wrinkling his nose. “What an asshole.” I giggle, and he puts a finger under my chin, his eyes meeting mine. “I’m serious. He’s a complete ass. I wasn’t lying to you the other night, Vero.” Using my nickname makes me smile. “You’re beautiful.”

Before I can say anything back, his lips are on mine. His hand falls away from my face, wrapping around me, and I tie mine around his neck, pulling him down closer to me. His lips produce a current that zips through me, and I feel the tiny tingles spreading everywhere. We’re in the middle of a street with vendors and other people walking by, but I don’t register any of them. It’s just his hands and his lips, spreading the warmth through my body as I press my mouth feverishly against his.

He stops but only backs away a few inches, his dark mocha eyes peering into me. I lick my lips then stare at his, desperately wanting them back on mine.

“We better stop before someone cites us for public indecency,” he whispers.

“Do we have to?”

He lets out a laugh, keeping his arms around me. “Silly girl.”

Chapter 9

Micah

I want to reassure Veronica I know precisely what she’s felt with her jackass of an ex-boyfriend, but at the same time, I don’t want to her to dwell on it.

We head back to where I parked, and I take her home. Making out again before she heads inside her house, I can still taste her when I get back home and hear the moaning coming from Taylor’s room.

“Seriously?” I grumble.

The erotic noises coming from his room, combined with thinking of Veronica and remembering her lips just a little bit ago, cause me to jump in the shower. There’s a knock at the door before Taylor swings it open without waiting.

“What the hell?” I yell.

“Dude, we have extra condoms, right?” He starts rummaging through a cabinet.

“Get the hell out!”

He shakes his head, laughing. “Calm down, why are you freaking out?” He turns and eyes me suspiciously. “Holy shit, were you just jacking off?”

“Get out, Taylor!”

He turns around, still laughing, grabbing the extra box before leaving.

“Asshole,” I mutter.

Throwing on my headphones after the shower to muffle out any noise coming from Taylor’s room, I decide to send a text message to Veronica before going to sleep.

Me: Hey, I had a really good time tonight. How about we do something tomorrow?

Veronica: Me too. I’d like that

Me: Ok. Cool.

Me: You should send me a pic

The bubbles on my phone pop up before disappearing. I wait nervously, wondering if I shouldn’t have asked for one. She seems concerned with her weight, so maybe she doesn’t like to take pictures of herself. I’m not lying to her when I tell her she’s sexy. She is. She might not think of herself that way, maybe because of how sexy is supposed to look based off magazines and TV shows. Or perhaps it has to do with her dickhead of an ex-boyfriend. Probably a combination of those things. But I do like her. I do think she’s beautiful. Now I really want her to send me a picture.

My phone vibrates.

Veronica: Here you go …

It’s a dark picture that looks like she’s on her bed with a lamp next to her. She’s giving me a timid smile, nibbling on her lip, and I can see the straps of her bra and the top of her cleavage, leaving me wanting to see the rest of it.

Me: Tease :)

Veronica: Lol. I have to leave something for the imagination

Me: Believe me, I’m imagining it right now

She sends me a shocked emoji followed by a sly smile emoji.

Veronica: Don’t I get one?

I stare down at my sheets that are now stiffer than usual. No, Micah. Do not send her a dick pic. You’re not Taylor. “Idiot,” I mumble and then take a picture of myself from the chest up, giving her a smirk.

I get three drooling face emojis in reply.

Me: Calm down lol

Veronica: Too late. I think I need to take another shower lol

Me: Now I’m picturing you in the shower. This night is about to get really sticky really fast

Veronica: Ew LOL!

I let out a laugh, thankful that she either thinks I’m joking or is taking it a jokingly way. Because I’m being completely honest.

Veronica: Did you fall asleep or are you really picturing that?

Me: Hmm, do you want me to lie to you or tell you the truth lol?

Veronica: …

Veronica: Truth…?

Me: Okay, hold on, it takes longer to text with just one hand

Veronica: LOL! Goodnight Micah. Sweet dreams

Me: I don’t know how sweet they’ll be. Might be R rated. Some may even be X rated

Veronica: You’re bad

Me: You know you like it. Goodnight

Veronica: Nite

* * *

The next day we decide to hit up Venice Beach, strolling the boardwalk, and end up stopping by one of the street performers who’s performing magic. A small crowd around him pays attention as he pulls out a gold coin from his pocket, waving his hand around as if he’s going to make the coin disappear. Seeming to get distracted, the coin falls to the ground.

“Oops,” he laughs, and picks it up. The crowd laughs along as he tries the trick again and again the coin falls. “Okay, I just learned this trick last night. So, let me try this one more time.”

He walks over to us and looks at me. “Sir, mind if I borrow your girlfriend?” Veronica looks up at me and starts to blush.

“I don’t know,” I answer, giving her a smile. “I kind of like her.”

“I just need her hand,” he says and picks it up. “Abracadabra!” he shouts. Again, the coin falls to the ground. “Okay, something’s wrong.” More people laugh as he scratches his head. “Hmm, maybe …” He rubs his chin and stares at me. “Yes, yes, this is what I’m doing wrong. Here,” he says, handing me Veronica’s hand. “Now, do exactly as I say, and this trick should finally work.”

Pulling out a magic wand from his pocket, he waves it in the air. Putting the coin in her hand, he shakes the wand again. “Okay, now you, sir, put your hand over hers.” I do as his instructs. “Yes, yes. Very good. Okay, now, abracadabra! Bippity, boppity, toil and trouble! Let the magic power, turn this coin into a flower! Shazam!”

A hush falls over everyone. I raise an eyebrow at Veronica who’s giggling.

“I said, shazam!” he yells again, wiggling his fingers at our hands, which are still placed on top of one another. “Ahem!” he coughs loudly, making us both look at him. “Shazam means to move your hands, lovebirds.” More laughs from the crowd.

I take my hand away from hers, and the gold coin is gone, replaced with a red, origami paper rose. Everyone around us applauds.

“Thank you! Thank you!” He takes a bow for everyone as the crowd starts to disperse. Pulling out a few bills, I put them in his top hat he has placed out in front.

Taking the paper rose from her, he puts a small green wire through the middle of it and then hands it back to her. “For you, my dear.” She smiles, but before she can take it, I grab it from his hand.

“Whoa there, buddy, don’t try to move in on my girl.” He raises his hands in apology and backs away.

Veronica looks up at me. “Your girl, huh?”

I shrug with a smirk, tucking the flower through her hair. “Absolutely. If you want.”

Adjusting the flower, she takes my hands, giving me a smile. “I want.”

We spend a little more time walking around and then head back to the apartment, where I turn on New Girl, and we watch a few episodes before we start making out again.

Things are escalating and I know I want this girl, and from how she’s reacting I know she feels the same. Just as I’m pulling my shirt off, our front door opens and closes. I figure, or at least I hope, Taylor won’t bother to say anything, but of course, he does.

“Yo, Micah, I’m gonna order some pizza, you want anything?”

“Uh, no,” I shout out from my room. I’m leaning over Veronica, who’s holding a giggle back.

“Okay.” I’m just about to start kissing her again when he says, “Hey, just a heads up, Lana came into the gym looking for you.”

Veronica’s smile fades. She stares up at me, and I let out a sigh, closing my eyes and shaking my head.

“I tried telling her it’s over for you, but she just begged me to give her your schedule,” he continues. “Don’t worry, I didn’t. And I said you were out again with that Cynthia girl you hooked up with when you guys broke up the first time. She didn’t seem to like that and left.”

“Great. Thanks,” I reply somberly, now sitting next to Veronica.

“Shit, I left my wallet at work. I’ll be back.”

We hear the door open and close again. I let out another sigh. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s … it’s fine.” She adjusts her shirt and grabs her phone. “You know, I should probably go. I’ll just text Cindy.”

“No,” I take her hand. “Please, don’t go.”

“Micah, I’m sorry. Look, I should’ve said this in the beginning, but …” She looks down at the sheets on my bed. “I’m not interested in being a rebound.”

“Whoa. Veronica, you’re not a rebound.”

“Yeah, but you guys had so much history. I remember you guys went out in school and now—”

“And now we’re over. She cheated on me. Twice.”

Shaking her head, she brings her hands to her face. “But you’re also … experienced.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is so embarrassing. I’m … I’m … a virgin.”

“Oh,” I answer. She nods her head but still avoids eye contact. “Hey, I’m not Taylor,” I say with a chuckle.

“No, I know. But still, you’re more experienced than me.”

I let out a laugh, running a hand up her leg. “You seemed to be doing fine a minute ago.”

“Well, I mean, I’ve done stuff. I’ve just never done … it.” I can’t help it. I let out another laugh. “It’s not funny,” she says, smiling.

“Okay, since you’re putting it all out there, I’ll do the same. I’ve been with two girls. Two. Yes, that girl Cynthia, Taylor just said, was one of them, and I only did it because he was hassling me, saying I needed to get over Lana. The first time. And it didn’t help. It didn’t make me feel better, it just made me feel worse. I don’t sleep around.”

“Okay.” She nods.

“And I like you, Vero. If you want to go home, I’ll take you home. But, I’d also like you to stay, too. We can just watch New Girl, and I’ll steal Taylor’s pizza for us when he comes back. Seriously, no hanky panky.”

She giggles. “Did you just say hanky panky?”

“Yeah, no good?”

“Maybe if we were in the fifties. Let me text Cindy so she can cover for me if my brothers text her. They can be … overbearing.”

I can’t help the huge grin that slides across my lips. “Does that mean you’ll stay tonight?”

She nods. “And turn down pizza and New Girl? When you dangle that hook in front of me, of course, I’ll stay.” Laughing, she snuggles closer to me as I grab the remote, turning on the TV. “And Micah,” she starts kissing me along my jaw, working up to my ear, “we can have a little hanky tonight. Just no panky.”

Chapter 10

Veronica

“Just no panky?” Cindy scoffs.

She said she wanted to get some new shoes, so we’re at the mall, and I just finished telling her about my night over at Micah’s. True to his word, he grabbed the pizza from Taylor when he got back, we watched some more Netflix, and then made out a little more. Okay, a lot more.

“Veronica, panky is the funnest part of hanky panky. What’s the point of hanky, if you don’t finish it with the panky?”

I narrow my eyes at her, confused. Then we both start laughing. “It was nice. He gave me a shirt to sleep in, and—”

“And blah, blah, blah. Get to the good stuff, V. All you’ve told me is how much you both hate olives on pizza.”

“They’re gross.”

“Girl,” she says through clenched teeth, raising a fist to me, “if you don’t spill the beans on the kind of hanky you guys had, I’m gonna go total bitch-mode on you.”

I laugh again. “Jeez, someone’s grumpy.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” She hangs her head low. “Stupid, Jackson. He called me but then blew me off yesterday. I can’t get a read on that guy.”

“Cindy, just drop him.” I stare at her, my tone severe.

“I know, I know. Anyways, enough about him. You’ve been smiling way too much today for me to believe there was no hanky pan— Ugh. I’m over that phrase.” She laughs. “For me to believe you guys didn’t do it. You know you can tell me. I’ve been your biggest supporter in Project V, remember?”

We walk into a Jamba Juice and order as I start laughing. “I’m serious. We didn’t. We just made out and messed around a bit. And this morning, it was …” I bite my lip, trying to contain my smile. “It was a good morning.”

“Veronica, if you don’t tell me what’s going on, I swear to God, I’m going to dump my Pomegranate Passion all over you as soon as I get it.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Okay, get ready for a pomegranate shower.”

She’s handed her drink and starts to raise her hand, taking the cap off the drink. I know she wouldn’t really, but I throw my hands up anyways, laughing while I do it.

“Okay, okay,” I say, lowering my voice. “We didn’t have sex.”

“But?”

“But … we did other stuff.”

“Other stuff?” She quirks an eyebrow, and I nod, looking away. “Well, that’s good for him, I guess.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“V,” she groans, rolling her eyes. “If you’re happy, I’m happy, but you better speak up this time. If he acts like Tim and doesn’t reciprocate at least a couple times, I’m gonna force you to break up with him on principal.”

I bite my lip, trying and failing to hold back my smirk. “Oh. That’s … not gonna be a problem.”

“What?” She stops in her tracks, her eyes popping open. “So you’re saying …” I nod while unleashing a wide smile. “Yass!”

Her scream makes a couple mall-goers turn and stare at us as she wraps her arms around me. “Oh my God. It’s the best, isn’t it? I can’t believe it, thank God!”

“Okay, okay, calm down!” I get my drink, trying not to blush because I know the employees have heard at least some of this conversation, so I usher her out of the store.

“Okay, serious question,” she says as I roll my eyes and we start to walk again. “Did you have to ask, or did he offer?”

“Cindy, I’m not talking about that.”

She grabs my arm. “Please, please, please. Just this one question. It’s important.”

“How is it important?”

“Answer and I’ll tell you.”

She gives me a mischievous grin. “Fine. No, I didn’t have to ask.”

“Giiirl,” she says, eyeing me sideways. “Don’t get rid of him, because I will swoop up on him if you do.”

“You are so stupid,” I reply, letting out a laugh. My laugh immediately halts. Tim’s walking out of a store, the same skinny brunette from the street fair wrapped around his arm.

“What is it?” Cindy asks before she turns and sees him. “Great.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Our pace slows, and I try not to look, but I do. Our eyes meet, and he smiles. As much as I still despise him after cheating on me, and as happy as I’m feeling about everything that’s happened with Micah this last week, I still feel something for that douchebag. His smile always gets me.

“Hey, V. What’s up, Cindy?”

“Nothing, dick,” Cindy says bluntly. The girl on his arm jerks her head back in shock. Tim gives her a smug smile.

“Cindy.” I cringe and shoot her a look.

“How are things?” he asks.

“It’s good,” I answer, giving him a timid smile.

“Cool, cool.”

Cindy jumps in. “Yes, everything is great. Fantastic! She’s going out with this great guy, and you know what? He went down on her this morning. Yeah!”

“Cindy!” I grab her arm, but she doesn’t stop.

“And she didn’t tell me, but I know she went down on him. I’m sure he’s a bigger man than you, in more ways than one,” she snarls. She actually snarls, and steps to the brunette. “Honey, I hope you know what you’re getting, cuz this jackass likes to take and not give.”

“Okay,” Tim mutters, looking embarrassed. I’ve never seen him embarrassed before. “Well, I guess we’ll get going.”

He walks away, the girl eyeing me carefully, before looking back at Tim. She whispers something to him, and he frowns, shaking his head. I spin on my feet, waving my hands in Cindy’s face.

“What the hell was that?”

“What?” She stares at me as like she did nothing wrong. Like what she just said was completely normal, justified, and as common as telling someone what the last song she heard was. “He deserved that.”

“It was freaking embarrassing.”

“V, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You should feel proud.” I shake my head at her, confusion still across my face. “You have a hot guy, who likes you. And Tim is obviously second-guessing things. Sucks for him.”

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let out a huff. “What are you talking about?”

“He was checking you out right now.”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“Yes. He was. You were too busy looking at the ground all bashful, but he was. And as you can tell, he didn’t have Hilda on his arm anymore. And Janet was one and done. If he had his way, he’d probably ask you out again.”

“You’re crazy. That girl was like a size two.”

“Gah! I’m so over this.” She throws her hands up and starts briskly walking ahead of me. “Follow me.”

“What? What are we doing?”

Ignoring me, she peers inside different stores. “No, not there. I’m going to prove something to you. I’m sick and tired of you comparing yourself to these boney ass girls, just because you got some meat on your bones. Micah likes you, V.”

“I know he does, but that doesn’t mean—”

“No.” She spins on her heels, shoving her hand in my face. “Don’t you say another word.” Turning back around, she starts walking again, continuing to look through different store windows. “No, no. I think … no, that’s a girl. Oh, here we go.”

“Cindy, what are we—” My whispers are cut off as I follow her into a clothing store. A guy is standing behind a counter who smiles as Cindy approaches him.

“Hi,” she says, way too flirty.

“Hey, how you girls doing today? Anything I can help you find?”

“No, I just had a favor to ask you.”

“Um, okay.” He looks at me suspiciously, before returning his attention to Cindy.

“You’re cute.” She lets out an over-the-top giggle. Leaning a little closer, she reads his name tag. “Chad. Chad, I’m Cindy. This is Veronica.” I nervously take a sip of my drink as she motions to me. “So, first off, do you like Asian girls?”

“Um … what?”

“I mean, I don’t want to know if you’re a racist or anything, it just helps to know if a guy likes me because of that, or if that doesn’t really play into their decision making. I’m half Korean, that’s why I ask.”

He narrows his eyes, his mouth dropping as if he’s trying to solve an equation. “I don’t … I don’t understand …”

“Never mind.” Cindy waves her hand. “That’s a touchy topic anyways, let’s just base this totally off looks.”

“What is happening right now?” he asks, staring at me, and I shake my head, completely confused.

“Chad, focus.” She taps his nose with her finger. “Now, I’m going to ask you a question, and I need you to be totally honest with me, okay?”

“Okay …”

“Do you think I’m cute?” As she asks it, she leans on her hip and starts twirling his short, black hair.

“Um …” He pauses again, and his gaze bounces around the store. “Am I being pranked right now? Is this some kind of YouTube show or something?”

“No, I’m totally serious. I’m trying to prove a point to Veronica here.”

“Chad, I’m sorry.” I tug at Cindy’s arm. “This is completely embarrassing. She’s crazy. She has episodes. Come on, Cindy. Time for your afternoon nap.”

The words come out as calm as I can make them, but my voice still cracks, and I know my entire face is probably crimson red. Cindy doesn’t even look at me, pulling her arm away, still staring at him.

“No, this is important. Chad’s a guy. And I’m not lumping all guys in the same boat or anything, but he’s gonna be honest.” She leans closer to him. “Aren’t you, Chad? You wouldn’t lie to a couple of cute girls, would you?”

“Uh … no?”

“See?” Swiveling her head in my direction, she smiles at me, before turning back to him. “And so, you do think I’m cute, right?”

“Yeah …” He nods. “Yeah, sure. You’re cute.”

“And what about my boobs?”

His eyes pop open, then dart around, looking anywhere but her chest. “Uh, what?”

“My boobs,” she repeats, grabbing herself. “The girls here. What do you think about them?”

“Ohmygod.” Grabbing her, I try to pull her away. “What are you doing? This is insane.”

I can’t move her more than a couple steps before she takes her arm back. “I’m proving a point.” She turns and goes back to Chad. “So? You decide?”

“Are you sure I’m not being pranked?” He eyes the counter in front of him and the cash register, searching for a hidden camera. “Someone is watching this right now, isn’t there?”

Reaching over, Cindy grasps his arm. “Chad, please. You’re not being pranked. Yes, this sounds crazy, but it’s for the benefit of all womankind.” She laughs. “Okay, that’s laying it on a little thick. It’s really just for Veronica’s benefit.”

“Me judging your boobs is for her benefit?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“It just is. Please, Chad.” She leans in even closer, and I know the look she’s giving him. I’ve seen her use it on other guys. It’s a pleading, doe-eyed look. It’s the one that says, ‘Aren’t you going to help poor little ol’ me?’.

I roll my eyes, shaking my head.

“Um … okay … well …”

“It’s okay, I’m a big girl. I can take it. And I’m asking for your honest opinion.”

Wrinkling his nose, he averts his eyes. “I mean, you’re kind of small.”

“Kinda,” she chuckles and looks over at me. “He’s being so nice. Chad, I am small. I know that. But I make up for it in … other ways.”

His nervousness vanishes, and he turns about as red as I know I am. “So, you think I’m a little flat chested. Okay, that’s not news to me. But here’s the thing, Chad. Would you go out with me?”

“Well, I have a girlfriend.”

“Aww,” she turns to me and smiles. “He’s got a girlfriend. Chad, you’re a good guy for being straight up. But, let’s just say that you didn’t have a girlfriend. Would you go out with me?”

“Yeah. I guess so.” He lifts his shoulders and nods.

“Even though I’m lacking in a certain department.” She gives a slight shake of her chest, he gives an uncomfortable chuckle, and I just stare at the ground. Horrified.

“Yeah,” he answers.

“You see?” She turns to me and stands triumphantly.

“See? See what? This has been mortifying, and I have no idea what you’re trying to prove.”

“Hold on, I forgot the most important part.” She turns back around to him. “How about Veronica, Chad? Would you go out with her?”

“Yeah, she’s cute, too.”

“I can’t even.” I stare at the ground, wishing I’d disappear.

“Even though she’s got that full-figure going on? She’s still hot, right?”

He raises his eyebrows, seemingly more comfortable with this conversation as it’s gone on. “Yeah.”

“And she’s got a great rack, right?”

“Cindy!” I yell through clenched teeth. She pays me no attention, waiting for his answer.

Gone is his trepidation when she asked him about her own chest because now he nods his head in agreement. I cross my arms in front of myself as he says, “Yeah. Great rack.”

“That’s it, I’m leaving.”

I don’t wait for her. Turning around, I head out of the store, but I can hear her behind me. “Thanks, Chad. You’ve been a terrific help. You deserve a raise. I’ll call customer service or something and tell them how helpful you’ve been.” I hear her footsteps as she hurries to catch up to me. “V, slow down.”

“Slow down? Slow down! Are you insane? I’m the one who usually spouts off at the mouth, not you. What the hell was that?”

“I was proving a point.”

“Oh yeah, what point? How far along I’ll go with something before I’m horrified of going out in public with you again?

“No,” she responds, laughing. “That you’re the one with this hang-up. That guy in there didn’t know us. He’d never seen you before. But he still thought you were cute. And,” she nudges me with her elbow, “he was definitely eyeing your chest a lot longer than he was eyeing mine.”

I stop, turning to face her. “This isn’t funny, Cindy. That was freaking humiliating. He was checking me out and—”

“And nothing.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “That was exactly the point, V. He was checking you out. I don’t know how many times we have to tell you, that yes, you may be overweight and yes, you may have issues with that, but you have to get over it. Because there are guys out there that will like you because of that, and more importantly, there are guys out there who won’t give a damn about that. Guys like Micah. He likes you. But how long do you think he’ll like you if you’re constantly saying you’re too fat to be loved?”

Her tone has turned from fun to severe, and the last sentence hits me hard. “I never said I’m—”

“You’ve never had to. The jokes and comments you make all of the time say it for you. I love you. Your family loves you. And we all feel like that because of who you are, not because of what you look like. If you stay hung up on this, especially because of that asshole Tim, how long do you think it’ll be before Micah starts seeing it and wonders if what he feels for you will ever be enough?” Her dumb joke and my embarrassment are all gone, and it’s just one of my best friends confiding in me now. “I love you, and if you don’t see that you’re an amazing person, what kind of life is that for yourself?”

Chapter 11

Micah

“So how’re things with this new girl? Veronica, right?” I nod at my dad’s question as we exit the parking lot of the baseball stadium. “You seemed to be on your phone a lot during the game.”

We caught an early afternoon game, and now we’re headed back home where my mom said if I don’t have dinner with them this week, I’m grounded. I’m not sure how that would work, since I don’t live at home anymore, but she seemed upset that I hadn’t been by the last couple of weeks for a family dinner.

“Everything’s good,” I answer with a smile, pulling out my phone, scanning over the string of text messages we’ve built.

Ever since that night where we almost had sex a couple of weeks ago, we’ve been in sync. She’s slept over more than a couple of times, and while we fool around, we haven’t crossed the line yet. She doesn’t say it, but I think she’s nervous, and I get that, so I haven’t brought it up. We do other stuff that I’m honestly fine with however long she wants to wait.

I do wish she’d let me in on the reason she’s waiting.

She doesn’t seem overly religious, and while we’ve talked about marriage in general, she hasn’t said she’s waiting for marriage. My only conclusion is she’s self-conscious. She doesn’t say anything, but sometimes she’ll move a certain way, or grab hold of her shirt, to make sure it’s not clinging to her. And she never lets me see her without a shirt on. It’s not annoying. It’s not even concerning. It’s just … peculiar. Especially since I feel like I tell her all of the time how beautiful she is—which she is. But she doesn’t seem to see it.

“Yeah,” I repeat. “Things are good.”

“That’s good.” Smiling, he turns up the volume in the car.

After a short drive down the freeway, we make it to my parents’ home. I still have my room in the three-bedroom house that my mother refuses to turn it into the library my dad wants. It’s never used, but she says it’ll stay that way “just in case.”

As soon as I walk through the door I smell the lasagna she’s cooking. “Mom, that smells amazing.”

She gives me a broad smile, her cheeks pushing into her brown eyes that match mine. She has her hair pulled back and walks over to me, giving me a hug. “Well, I gotta make sure you keep something on those bones. Look at you.” She holds me at a distance.

I wrinkle my nose. “What? I work out. I’m fit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she replies, waving her hand and turning back to the stove. “Speaking of, how’s Taylor?”

“He’s good. Working a lot for the summer. I think our manager wants to promote him to a supervisor for the gym.”

“That’s good. He wants to do that, right? Gym stuff.”

I laugh, reaching into the fridge to grab a bottle of water, then hopping up to sit on the counter. “Personal training, yeah. Once he’s done with his associate’s for business, he’s gonna get certified to be a PT.”

“Good for him,” she says as she stirs a pot. “Go wash up, the veggies are just about done.”

I glance over at my father, who’s already sitting at the table, with a confused look. “We just got home, Mom. I’m clean.”

“Micah.” She points her wooden spoon at me, silently ordering me to the bathroom as if I’m five years old again.

“Okay, okay.”

After washing my hands, I head back out to the dining room, where she’s just set the lasagna pan down. Dad places the pot of cooked vegetables on the table. As long as I can remember, it’s always been like this. She’ll do the cooking, he’ll help set up the table, and I do the dishes. I may not live at home anymore, but when I visit, I’ll still do them. It couldn’t be more cookie cutter, wholesome-family if you tried.

Before I get to the table, I hear my dad whispering, “No, Justine. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Jacob, she called the house. I know what you told me, but she sounds remorseful. They’re in love.”

“They were in love. Now he’s—”

I clear my throat loudly, and they both turn and look at me. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she says with a smile, taking her seat.

“Okay.” I watch her carefully, before looking over at my dad. He gives me a worried expression and raises his hands in defeat. The kind of expression that says ‘Sorry, son. I tried’.

Mom cuts into the lasagna pan. “So, your father told me what happened.”

“About?”

Her eyes find my dad’s for a second, before looking back down at the food. “You and Lana.”

“Right.” I nod, trying to act as normal as I can.

I haven’t spoken to her in a month and a half. I hear from Taylor and a couple other friends she’s asked about me, but she hasn’t tried calling me. And I might still be mad about everything that happened if it wasn’t for Veronica.

I can’t say I’m entirely over being cheated on. There are times I’ve wondered if Veronica’s waiting to have sex because she’s seeing someone else. I quickly reprimand myself for those thoughts and try to remind myself that Veronica isn’t Lana. I can’t assume she’s going to do the same thing.

“Mom, I know you liked her, but it’s over.”

“But, Micah. You guys were so good together. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and she’s so gorgeous.”

“Mom, smart and beautiful aren’t the end all be all to liking someone.” I grip my fork tighter, hoping she drops the conversation. She doesn’t.

“I know that, Micah. Of course not.”

“Okay, then.”

“But you two were—”

“Please don’t say it.”

“High school sweethearts.”

“Justine,” my dad says lowly.

When I was little and learned my father drew for a living—I called it drawing because at the time I didn’t know it was called graphic design—I was mesmerized. You mean, you can actually use pencils and crayons and have that as your job? He went after his dreams, became what he wanted to become, fell in love with a beautiful girl—his high school sweetheart—and everything fell into place for him. The girl, the house, the family. He was and still is my hero.

So, when I first met Lana, it’s the first thing that came to mind. I admit I am partial to brunettes over blondes, but there Lana was, flaunting her stuff in school. Most guys would kill to hookup with her, and she liked me. Just because she wasn’t my type, didn’t mean I didn’t notice her. But I didn’t go out of my way to go ask her out either. When we finally did get together, I thought that was it. I was on my way. I was on the same path that my father took. I had the girl, my high school sweetheart, and now I was going to start working on pursuing becoming an artist. Drawing for a living.

Since I always liked comic books, I wanted to be a cartoonist. To be able to tell my own story, with my own words and pictures.

Of course, I told my parents all of this. They both knew at the time I thought Lana and I would be together for the long haul. So she’s not off-base when my mom says high school sweethearts. Hell, I called us that from time to time.

“Micah, you should hear her out,” Mom continues.

I feel the anger rising, and snap. “I did hear her out, okay? I heard her screaming—” I stop myself, knowing if I say what I really want to I’ll not only embarrass my mom but embarrass myself. “Mom, believe me, there’s no coming back from this. Not this time.”

“But, Micah, people make mistakes.”

“Why are you pushing this? She’s the one that screwed up. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why do I feel like you’re on her side?”

“No, of course not, honey. I’m not on her side, I’m just saying, people do stupid things. She could’ve been drunk or something.” She cuts into her plate of lasagna, calmly.

“Seriously? And that would make it okay?”

She shakes her head. “No, it wouldn’t, I’m just saying—”

“This is the second time, okay?” They both stare at me, shocked at the revelation. It finally feels like they’re understanding the magnitude of the situation.

“Honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Whatever, can we just drop it, please? It’s not going to happen.”

I take a bite of my dish and watch her as she looks at me, then at him, nodding. Dad tries to make small talk for the rest of dinner, but it’s awkward. And tense. I know she always loved Lana. And Lana gave her good reason to. She was always nice when she came over and helped her cook dishes a number of times. I just don’t understand why she’s making excuses for her.

We finish dinner, and even though there’s an air of agitation still lingering, I wash the dishes. Mom and Dad return to small talk, and no one brings up Lana again.

“Okay, guys, I’m taking off,” I say as I dry my hands on a dish towel.

“All right, son,” my dad calls out from his recliner, waving at me.

“Talk to you guys later.”

Just as I turn the doorknob, my mom reaches for my arm. “Micah, I’m sorry about earlier.”

“It’s okay, Mom.”

“I just want you to be happy, and Lana seemed to make you happy.”

“She did. But things change.” She nods. “Do me a favor, please? I don’t know what she told you, and I don’t really want to know. Just … if she calls here again, please tell her to move on. I’m moving on, and I think it’s the best thing for both of us.”

“Okay, I will.” She leans in and gives me a hug. “Your dad told me you’re seeing someone else already.”

“Yeah. I am.”

“You know she needs my seal of approval first.”

“Right.” Laughing, I roll my eyes at her. “I think you need more time than I did to get over Lana. I’ll bring her over in a year, how about that?”

“A year?” She gives me a concerned gaze. “Are you two serious already?”

It’s something I’ve thought about. I don’t know for sure what Veronica’s feeling, but I know what I am. It hasn’t been very long, but I could see spending more time with her. “I don’t know,” I try to play it cool, “maybe.”

“Oh, then she most definitely needs my seal of approval.”

I laugh. “Okay, we’ll see.”

“I love you, honey.”

“I love you, too, Mom.”

Chapter 12

Veronica

I’ve been spending more nights at Micah’s. Every once in a while, I’ll wake up before one of our alarms goes off. Sometimes the only thing that’s touching is our legs. Other times he’ll be holding me, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else other than in his arms. Being a foot taller than me, his wide shoulders feel like they envelop me, protecting me from anything that could hurt me. I’ll snuggle closer to him and fall back asleep, knowing I’m safe from any concerns or worries I might have. Then there are times like right now.

Somehow he’s shifted, and while still holding me, I’m higher on the bed than him. His arms are wrapped around me, his face laying across my chest. A feeling hits me that only lasts for a second, before the doubt creeps in, and I wish I could hold onto it longer.

He’s asleep, and while he’s never given me a reason to second-guess why he thinks and calls me beautiful, I don’t one hundred percent believe it. But here, now, I’m the one that’s here for him. He needs only me, and I love that feeling. Then it’s gone.

I’ll shift, or he’ll move just an inch, and my mind goes into overdrive. What if he wakes up and looks up at me, and sees a double chin? Or I’ll feel his fingers on me, and while they are on my skin and logically I know that’s all it is, and he isn’t even conscious of it because he’s still asleep, I’ll move so I can pull my shirt down, and place his hand on top of it.

After Cindy’s little experiment at the mall, I’ve tried not to think about it, but it’s still in the back of my mind. The worst part is the warning she gave me. How long will my feelings of inadequacy be tolerated by Micah before he just gets tired of it?

Yeah, I could blame Tim for making me feel that way, and I do because he did. But the truth is, I’ve always felt like I wasn’t as pretty as some of the other girls because of my weight. Even when Cindy jokes and says it helps that I have an ‘hourglass’ figure, I retort with my usual come back, “Yeah, an extra-large hourglass. It’s only because my ass got jealous of my boobs and wanted to be just as big.”

So, yeah, holding Micah as he sleeps should feel perfect. And it does for a moment. Then reality comes crashing down on me.

I take a deep breath, running my fingers through his hair, wishing—pleading—that my brain would forget all of my insecurities. He stirs under me.

“Morning,” I lightly whisper.

“Morning.” His voices scratches. He leans up and kisses my cheek, before laying his head back down on my chest. “V, I’m gonna need you to stay over for, like, the rest of your life.”

I giggle. “And why is that?”

“Because these are the softest pillows I’ve ever slept on.” He laughs, his hand caressing me, making me quiver.

“You dumb boy,” I laugh at him.

“Silly girl.”

I liked his little pet name he started calling me from time to time so much that one night, I replied back with “dumb boy.” It’s kind of become our thing now.

“Seriously, though,” his hand continues to move, and he leans up, kissing my chin, “I love it when you sleep over. I …”

Pausing, he stares at me and bites his lips. I don’t wait to see what else he’s going to say; wrapping my hands around him, I bring him closer for a kiss.

As unbelievable as his hands feel over me, his lips make me feel even better. And I wish I could stay this close to him all day, but I know I can’t. “Remember, I have to get back home early. I have to help set up for my cousin’s quinceañera.”

He gives me a devilish grin, his tempting eyes burrowing into mine, then runs his hand lower until his fingers slide under the waistband of my underwear. “We better make this quick then.”

His lips hit mine, and I find that place I woke up with again. That place of bliss where I’m not concerned about what I look like. It’s just him and me. His lips and tongue with mine. And I feel like I’m enough, and I don’t have to worry about anything other than how he’s making me feel and how I want to make him feel.

* * *

Micah looks past me, eyeing my front door, as he waits to let me out of his truck. “So … when am I going to meet your family?”

Leaning over to him, I give him another kiss. “I’m not sure, but it will be soon. My brothers can be a little much, and I don’t want to subject you to that yet.”

He lets out a chuckle. “Well, thank you, but I’m a big boy. I can handle a big brother.”

“It’s more than that.” I let out a sigh. “I love him, but Toto is the oldest, and he acts like our second dad. It can be a bit … much.” I give his hand a squeeze and then kiss it. “Soon though, I promise. I really like that you want to meet them. What about your family?”

“You can come over tonight if you want. My dad is going to love you.”

I can’t help the nervous look I send him. “And your mom?”

He smirks, shrugging. “She’s a mom. I’m her baby. And for some reason—”

“Yeah,” I utter, somberly.

We’ve talked a little about his parents. He brought up the fact that his mom has asked him, on more than one occasion, if he’s going to get back together with Lana.

“Anyway,” I perk up, not wanting to think about my brothers or his mom or Lana, “I’ll text you tonight. We’ll probably have a lot of cleaning and stuff to do after.”

“Okay.” Smiling, he kisses me. “I do get to call your brother Toto when I meet him, right? I mean, I cannot not call him that, now that I know.”

“Probably not the best idea,” I reply back, laughing. “Bye.”

“Bye.” The smile he gives me pulls at my heart. We keep our hands connected until there’s no choice but to let go and I shut the door and head inside.

I never go through the front door, always through a side kitchen door that connects to our driveway. As soon as I walk inside, I hear the commotion of everyone and can smell my mom baking. The quinceañera is being held at my aunt and uncle’s because they live in a massive house with a lavish backyard setting. It should be a fun time, and I invited Cindy since she knows my cousin, but I’m surprised to see her at the house already.

Cringing, she loudly whispers, “I’m sorry!”

“Why?” I look at her in confusion.

“She’s here!” I see Miguel poke his head out of the hallway, then he shakes it at me.

“I forgot,” she whispers, dropping her head low. “I’m so stupid.”

After an incredible few morning hours with Micah, I’m piecing it all together. Cindy’s here already. That means she showed up to the house without me. Me. Who, after a month of using her as an excuse, should’ve been spending the night at her home last night. So why wouldn’t I show up with her this morning?

“Oh my God.” I drop my head, covering my face with my hands.

Javier walks out from the hallway, wagging his finger at me with a teasing smirk. “Tsk, tsk, tsk.”

“Oh no, no, no, no.” It comes out muffled, my hands still covering my face.

“Ai, mija,” my mom says, and I look up to see her giving me a comforting smile, but still shaking her head. My father appears behind her, stares at me, and then walks into the other room. He doesn’t say anything because I know there’s only one person left, and my dad has let him handle boyfriend matters when it comes to me.

Tomás steps out of the hallway and stares at me, crossing his arms. “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.” He stares at Cindy, who keeps her face averted. “Or should I say, didn’t drag in.”

I was dreading this. I knew eventually I was going to have to tell them—him—about Micah, and I’ve wanted to. But I know how they react. Starting in middle school, if I even hinted at having a crush on a boy, Javier, Miguel, and Tomás would jump in and give me the third degree. Then they’d hound the boy, who half the time didn’t even have a clue why they were interrogating them because I never told any of my crushes I liked them. Then came Tim and he actually handled it very well. Miguel and Javier are still friendly with him, and he even won over Tomás. All of that is because I never told them the real reason we broke up.

But Tomás’ tone and the way he looks at Cindy put me on edge. I shouldn’t have to lie about liking a boy or worry about bringing him home because of my brothers. Especially a guy I really like, like Micah.

“No,” I snap at Tomás. He turns and looks at me like I’m crazy. “This is not her fault, Toto. This is your fault.”

“My fault?” His jaw drops. “Oh, please explain to me how you having a boyfriend and lying to your family about it is my fault.”

“Why do you think I’ve had to lie about this? Because you guys are so overbearing!”

“Overbearing?” Miguel appears and leans against the wall, watching us. I don’t see him, but I can feel Javier behind me.

“Yes.” I point to Miguel and then look back at Javier. “All of you. You guys! I’m not six years old.” Pointing back at Tomás, I take a step toward him. “I’m not your baby sister that has to be looked after. If Dad has a problem then that’s fine. But newsflash, Toto, you’re not Dad!”

“V, come on.” Miguel looks at me. “You’re our little sister. Of course, we’re going to worry.”

“Worry is one thing. What you guys do is overboard!”

“Vero—” Javier starts to speak, but I throw a hand in his face.

“No, Javi. You’re two years older than me. Two! And you think you know so much more than me. I’m an adult, you guys.”

“Adult, pft,” Tomás scoffs.

“Screw you. I’m turning nineteen next week. I just finished my first year of college.”

“Veronica,” Cindy whispers, maybe to calm me down, I’m not sure. But I’m over all of this.

“No, Cindy. They need to know I’m not some little girl anymore. If Mom or Dad have a problem with me dating, then they can bring it up. It’s not your job, Toto.”

“Vero, it is my job. You’re my baby sister, and I’m not gonna let some jerk or scumbag hurt you.”

“You already did!”

Cindy’s eyes widen because she knows I never told them about Tim. How do you tell your family that the boy you liked cheated on you and then said it’s because you’re too fat? Miguel straightens up on the wall. Javier walks in front of me, next to Miguel.

Tomás stares at me, confused. “What?”

The embarrassment isn’t coming into play, as I stare back at him. “Tim, okay? You guys couldn’t protect me from him, and he …” I gaze down at the ground, not wanting to repeat it.

“Vero, what the hell are you talking about?” Javier asks.

“Did he do something?” Miguel speaks up. “Vero, I swear to God, if he did something—”

“No, you guys.” I let out a sigh, finally raising my eyes to meet Tomás. “He didn’t do anything. At least, not like you’re thinking. He cheated on me, okay?”

“I’m kicking his ass,” Miguel shouts.

“Oh, that little prick is gonna die,” Javier adds.

“No, you guys, don’t do anything. It was over a year ago. It’s just …” My anger is fading away, and now the embarrassment is creeping back in. Thankfully, Cindy walks over to me and hugs my arm. “He cheated on me, and he said it was because I’m too big.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Miguel says with pure malice. “I don’t care what you say, he’s going down for that.”

“Toto?” I look up at my big brother. His anger is gone, too; replaced with disappointment and sadness.

“You guys,” he begins, clearing his throat, “don’t mess with him. If Veronica says it’s fine, then it’s fine.”

“What?” Javier gapes at him in shock.

Tomás looks back at me for reassurance. “Vero?”

“Yes, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m—” A nervous laugh lets loose. “I’m seeing someone else now. He’s nice.”

“Fine.” Javier shakes his head and walks away grumbling something.

“I won’t do anything,” Miguel says, pushing off the wall. “But I see him around a lot. All you have to do is say the word, and his tires get slashed.”

I nod, giving him an appreciative smirk, and head to my room. “Come on, Cindy.”

I’m just about to close my door and decompress everything that’s happened when Tomás stops it from closing. “Hold on, one more thing. Well, two more.”

“What?”

He takes a long breath, but his eyes don’t meet mine. They look around, first at the door, then at Cindy behind me, then down to the floor. “Um … shit.”

“What is it, Toto?”

“Look,” he meets my eyes, holding in a breath, “this isn’t easy for me—”

“Just spit it out already.”

“Have you had sex?”

My eyes pop open. “Oh my God! That’s none of your business.”

“How many times did you say you were staying at Cindy’s when you were really with … what’s his name?”

“Micah. And again, it’s none of your business.”

“I’m just saying, you need to be safe and—”

“Toto! Stop!”

His face is entirely red, and if I weren’t so shocked about him asking, I’d probably be laughing at his color. “Fine, whatever. The other thing is dinner.”

“Dinner?”

“Yes,” he says matter-of-factly, and is returning to his usual, overbearing, big brother self. “Tomorrow. He’s coming over for dinner. We’re meeting him.”

“No, we’re not—”

“It’s not up for discussion. He’s coming, or I send Miguel and Javi out to trail him morning noon and night until it happens.”

“Fine, fine!”

“Thank you.” He smiles confidently and leaves.

I shut the door, leaning against it.

“Well, that went better than I expected it to.” Cindy smirks.

“I’m going to kill you.”

Lifting her shoulders, she raises her eyebrows. “So, just so I’m up-to-date, I know you guys haven’t, but I didn’t get to ask you about last night. So …”

I shake my head and walk over to my bed, falling down. “You’re insane, you know that? And no, we still haven’t.”

“Okay.”

“But I think …” I trail off, biting my lip.

“You think?” She gives me a curious grin.

“I think I want to. Next week. On my birthday.”

“Oh, I like it.” She rubs her hands together, mischievously. “That is, if he survives the dinner, right?

“Yeah, if he survives.”

Chapter 13

Micah

Waking up to Veronica is a feeling I’ve gotten so used to that when she doesn’t sleep over, it feels lonely. I want her next to me when I go to sleep and when I wake up. I love having her close.

I love her.

I was almost going to tell here that before I freaked out. I can’t love her already, can I? Do I really love her this soon?

Yes. I do.

I wasn’t only freaking out about my revelatory feelings, but how she might respond. Would she flip out? Where’s her heart at right now? Could she love me already, too? All questions that sped through my mind as I held her in the morning, nearly uttering the words.

Before dropping her off, I tried not to think about it. When is a good time to tell a girl that? I mean, with Lana it was after a couple months, but even then it didn’t feel monumental. She told me one night. I thought about it for a moment and figured that I did love her. We were going out. We’d already had sex. It must’ve been love.

This is nothing like that.

I don’t feel like I should wait and see how it plays out. I don’t know what she’s feeling, but I know what I am. I love her. I just don’t know when I should tell her.

A new freak-out moment comes later in the day. It’s weird to get a call from her since she usually texts me. I went to work, and when I get home, she calls me up.

“Hey, how’s the quinceañera?”

“Uh, it’s good. Fun. Lots of good food.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah …” She trails off, and it sounds different.

“Everything all right?”

“Um … yeah. Yes. Everything’s good.”

“Okay, because you don’t sound like everything’s good.”

“No, no. Everything’s fine. My cousin is having a great time. Cindy’s flirting with some guy. It’s all good.” I don’t reply. There’s something she’s not telling me. “Okay, there is one thing.”

“What’s up?”

“So, uh, my brothers? They … they know about you.”

“Oh.” I’m not sure why she sounds nervous, but finding out her brothers know about me comes as a relief. She knows I’ve wanted to meet her family. And even though I want to meet them, it’s her next words that make me realize why she’s so nervous, and that same feeling transfers over to me.

“Yeah. And Toto wants you to come over to dinner. Tomorrow. It’s not a request.”

“Oh … wow. Okay. I’ve been saying I want to meet them anyway.”

“Micah, you don’t have to though. I don’t care what they say, I’m not going to force you to meet them and get hounded by them just so they can prove they’re my big brothers.”

Her defensive tone over me puts me at ease. “V, it’s all good. I need to meet your dad anyways, right?”

She lets out a nervous laugh. “Trust me, it’s not my dad you have to worry about. My father trusts Toto. Like I said, he’s like a second father figure, and that’s for a reason. He’s helped us all when my dad has worked to support us.”

“Okay, I get it.”

“Seriously, Micah. You could become my dad’s best friend. You could win him over within five minutes of meeting him, but if Toto and Miguel don’t like you—maybe Javi, too, but he’s only two years older—if those two don’t approve of you, then my dad will just treat you as another person. Someone he’s nice to but nothing more. I mean, it’ll be horrible, and they’ll be standoffish, and Miguel will tease you, and Toto—”

“Hey, hey,” I try to quiet her on the phone. “Vero, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. It’ll be great,” I answer, chuckling. “What time am I supposed to go over?”

“Four o’clock. They said they want to barbecue.”

“Okay, great.”

“Are you sure, Micah? Because you don’t have—”

“I’m sure. It’ll be fine. I’ll win over your brothers, and we’ll laugh about this.”

“I wish I was as confident about this as you are.”

“Silly girl,” I laugh, and finally hear her giggle. “Hey … Veronica?”

“Yeah?”

I love you. No, Micah, what are you thinking? You’re not saying that for the first time over the phone. “Um, have fun at the party. I’ll text you before I come over tomorrow.”

* * *

I show up at the house about a quarter to four. The regular cars I’ve seen in the past are parked in the driveway, but there are others. A lot of others. There are a few little kids running around, playing in the front yard. I grab the bouquet of flowers I bought, knowing full well as soon as they see these, her brothers are going to make some kind of comment. I don’t care. As much as I’m supposed to get their seal of approval, I still need her parents stamp, too, right?

Checking my hair in the mirror, I see everything looks fine. I’m not dressed up since this is technically a barbecue, but I wore a nicer pair of jeans and a short sleeve button down. My hair spikes up a little, but more like bedhead than punk rock. I take a deep breath. Okay, let’s do this.

I hear a commotion coming from the house and walk up to the front door. Then I start to hear the commotion coming from the backyard. Knocking on the door once, I wait, but no one answers. I look around nervously, as the little kids who were playing are now standing still, watching me. I give them an awkward smile and then ring the doorbell. Still nothing.

“What are you doing?” a little boy who looks like he’s four or five asks.

“Oh, hi.” I wave at him. “I’m here for the barbecue.”

“Why?” He stares at me curiously. “We don’t know you.”

“Stranger! Stranger!” a little girl next to him starts shouting. Not in a panicked way, but it starts to put me on edge.

I ring the doorbell again.

“What are you guys doing out here? Mom told you not to—” A girl walks around the corner, scolding the kids, and then stops in her tracks when she sees me. She looks like she’s fifteen or sixteen. “Oh, hello.”

“Um, hi. I’m here for the barbecue. I’m Micah.”

Her eyes go wide, and a huge grin spreads across her face. “Oh, Micah! Come this way. Vero is in the back with everyone else.”

Everyone else?

I follow her along, and the little kids start running ahead.

“Micah’s here! Micah’s here! Vero, your boyfriend’s here!” the little boy starts shouting. I really hope my face isn’t as red as it feels.

There’s mariachi music playing, with lots of men and women standing around. Some are older, some are younger. There are a few who look like they are still in high school, and then a large group of little kids the boy runs over to. With the music still playing, the words of everyone die down, and everyone turns and stares at me.

I scan the crowd looking for Veronica but don’t see her. Swallowing a lump of nerves, the girl I followed stands next to me, and I hear a small giggle come from her. Then I hear loud whispers.

“This guy, he brought flowers.”

“It’s gonna take more than that.”

“Maybe we should throw the hose on him and be done with it. He looks preppy.”

“You guys!” I hear her voice and turn around. She scowls at three guys, who I can only assume are her brothers. None of them acknowledge her scolding, keeping their eyes locked on me.

She reaches me and smiles, instantly putting me at ease. “Hey, there.”

“Hey.” I give her a hug, but keep my eyes floating around. “I didn’t know it was an entire family thing.”

Keeping her hand locked with mine, she turns around and glares at her brothers. “It wasn’t supposed to be, but Miguel had the bright idea to invite everyone.”

“I’m Mariana.” The girl who I met up front waves at me. Then she giggles and bashfully looks away, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Oh no,” Veronica says, pointing at her. “You just turned fifteen yesterday. Don’t you dare get any ideas, Mari. This one’s mine.”

Mariana gives Veronica a playful roll of the eyes.

“Yesterday? Oh, so you’re the birthday girl.”

“That’s me.” She smiles.

“Well, happy birthday.”

“Thank you.”

I don’t know if her eyes linger on me or not, but they must because Veronica snaps at her again. “Hey, what’d I just say?”

“I’m just looking, Vero.” She giggles.

I hear the words, but my eyes roam. Her brothers are still staring at me, and I see other people whispering to one another, eyeing me carefully.

“Where are your parents?” I ask.

“Oh, right here.” She turns around, and I see an older couple, standing near the barbecue. The man just stares at me, but the woman smiles.

“Can I meet them?”

“Yeah, let me introduce you to them, and then everyone else. I have like six aunts, five uncles, and probably a dozen cousins running around.”

As we approach her parents, Cindy comes into view, stepping out from a doorway to the house. “Oh, Micah. You made it.”

I let loose a chuckle, looking over at Veronica. “Really? Cindy, too?”

Before she can reply, Cindy jumps in. “Yeah, like I was going to miss this. When I found out, I canceled all plans to make sure I was here.”

“Nice.”

“Flowers? Were those for someone special?” Cindy teasingly bats her eyes at me.

“Oh, right.” I pull out a long rose from the bouquet of flowers and hand it to Veronica. “This is for you.”

She smiles before looking at the rest. “Just the one?”

“Greedy much?” I give her hand a playful squeeze. “The rest are for your mom.”

“Nice!” Cindy grins. “He gets points for that one.”

“Mamá, Papá, this is Micah,” Veronica says, and her mom smiles at me.

When I extend my hand to shake hers, she laughs. Pushing my hand away, she steps toward me, embracing me for a hug. Veronica looks elated. Stepping back, I raise my hand to her father. “Mr. Rodriguez, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Her mom reminds me of Veronica. Same dark, curly hair, but hers is shorter. Slight crinkles when she smiles, but it’s that smile I pay most attention to. It’s the same as Veronica’s. Honest and good.

Her father is another story. My height, maybe an inch shorter. His graying hair is still full on top, which matches his salt and pepper goatee. If I had to pick a single word to describe him, it’d be substantial. My father has a slimmer build, while Veronica’s is stout. His broad shoulders, combined with the stare he never breaks, keeps me on edge.

His handshake is probably firmer than it needs to be, but he is meeting his daughter’s boyfriend, so that’s expected. He shakes my hand quickly, before releasing it, and gives me a curt nod. That’s it. That’s all he does. He doesn’t reply. He doesn’t whisper something to his wife. He just stands there, staring at me. Thankfully, Veronica takes my hand and turns me around.

“Okay, and these are my brothers.” She leans closer, whispering, but it’s loud enough for them to hear, “I apologize in advance.”

She starts with Javier.

He’s a little shorter than me by a few inches. He’s got a wiry frame and is wearing glasses and a Call of Duty T-shirt. He gives me a head nod and a slight grin.

Miguel is next and the same height as Javier. He’s got a stockier frame, more like his father, and looks like he played football back in high school. From what Veronica’s told me, I know he works in an office, doing data input. He also gives me a head nod, but no grin.

“And this is Toto.” He eyes Veronica, before looking back at me. “Sorry. Tomás. He’s our oldest brother,” she says and starts to snicker. “He’s the old guy.”

His eyes don’t break from mine. No grin. No head nod. Same posture as his dad. He’s the same height as me. Short hair, too. It might be curly if it was longer, but with the length, it’s just wavy. And like his father, he doesn’t say a word.

I feel like I’m being challenged. Like I’m a lone deer out on the plane, and three lions are just waiting for me to make a mistake. I know they’re looking out for their baby sister, but I care about her, too. I might not have told her yet, but I love her. I’m not going to be threatened by her big brothers, two of which I’m bigger than.

“Uh, you guys?” Veronica waves her hand between us.

I don’t want to come off as aggressive, so I’m not eyeballing them or trying to stare them down. I just nod, hold my ground, and look between all of them, refusing to give in to whatever kind of intimidation tactic they’re trying to pull.

“Seriously?” I hear a girl’s voice. Walking over to us, standing next to Tomás, is a lady a little taller than Veronica, light brown hair, and dark eyes. She slaps Tomás in the chest. “Stop it.” She looks over at me and offers me a handshake. “Micah, right? I’m Yesenia. The main grumpy one’s wife.”

I finally break my eye contact with all three of them, turning to her to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

She pulls at Tomás’ hand. “Tomás, Pedro needs your help moving the table.”

He starts to follow her but keeps his eyes on me. “Sure.”

“Are you guys done staring at each other, or should I leave you alone for a few more minutes?” Veronica asks, looking at her other two brothers and me. “Do you guys want to make out? I can tell you from experience, he’s a good kisser.”

“Ew!” Miguel finally comes to life, scowling at his sister. “Vero, don’t tell me who you kiss and how good it is.”

She laughs, and he takes a step to me.

“All right, first warning of the night. If you break her heart, I slash your tires. And that’s just to start.”

“Again with the tires.” Veronica slaps her forehead.

I can’t help but think of a stupid counter. “Okay. What if she breaks my heart?”

Veronica’s head snaps to me, and her jaw drops. “Seriously, Micah?”

Miguel chuckles. “Then you probably deserved it, Preppy.”

“Fair enough.”

Miguel starts to walk away, but motions with his fingers that he’s watching me. Javier begins to chuckle. “You know what? I’m good.” I wait a moment, and then he starts laughing. “Yup, you seem cool enough. And it looks like Miguel and Tomás already got the menacing big brother bases covered. You play video games?”

“Yeah.”

“First-person shooters or open-world?”

“Both.”

He gives me a smile that matches Veronica’s and raises two thumbs up. “Don’t be a dick.” Then he walks away.

Leaning closer to Veronica, I finally smile. “One down. Two to go.”

She lets out a small laugh. “Dumb boy.”

Mingling throughout the barbecue, Veronica introduces me to more of her family. A few of her cousins I can tell are trying to flirt with me. I laugh as Veronica shoos them away. I talk with a couple of her uncles, and they seem nice. Her father runs a family carpentry business, where they work on custom cabinetry. One of her aunts does secretarial work for them, while Tomás helps with the business side of things.

The later it gets, some people start to leave, and the crowd is dwindling down. I haven’t spoken with Tomás since our initial meeting, but Miguel’s stopped by a few more times, still motioning to me that he’s watching me. I know he thinks it’s intimidating, but it comes off as comedic. After the last of their family leaves, he walks over to me with a beer in hand and stands quietly to my side.

“So, Veronica said you work at Timmons and Lowell?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Just data entry stuff, right?” He nods again. “Do you like it?”

“I mean, it’s a job.” He pauses as if he’s mulling it over, taking a sip of his drink. “I didn’t want to work for my brother. As you can tell he likes to hold his older brother status above everyone, so I found this one. It pays okay.”

I could just drop it. It might be the safest thing to do, but I want to get to know him. If I plan on being with Veronica for a while—and I do—I should be at least friendly with her brothers, so they aren’t threatening me all of the time. “You ever think about doing anything else?”

“You offering me a job, Preppy? That won’t make me like you any better.”

“No.” I shake my head and laugh. “I’m just, I don’t know, making conversation.”

“Whatever.” He takes another drink of his beer. I’m not sure what else to say or if I even should. Then he speaks up again. “Vero says you’re an artist.”

“Yeah. Well, kind of. I want to eventually work in comics, but it’s been put off for a while since I’m working and going to school.”

He nods and then goes quiet again. Figuring that’s the end of it, I’m about to excuse myself to find Veronica when he starts again. “You know, I always liked video games. Like, creating them, you know? I was going to school for that.”

“Did you get your degree?”

“No.” He takes another sip of his drink. “I was working on it with a few guys. One of them stole everything and sold our code and graphics to this small start-up. They went belly-up a few months later, but we were all torn up about it. It sucked, you know? Getting backstabbed like that. I had two semesters left to get my degree, but didn’t go back to school.”

“That sucks. Sorry.”

“Yeah.” He takes a final drink of his beer and then sets it on the table in front of us. “I meant what I said earlier.” He looks over at me. “Not about the slashing your tires, but about her. You have any siblings?” I look back at him and shake my head. “It’s cliché or whatever, but she’s the baby. She’s our little sister. She was nervous today, but I could tell she was happy. Don’t hurt her, Micah.”

“I won’t.”

He nods, gazing at me as if he’s deciding whether to believe me or not. After slapping me on the shoulder, he heads inside, leaving me to think that he does.

“There you are,” Veronica says, walking out to me as Miguel leaves. “Cindy just left.” She turns and sees Miguel walk inside of the house. “Everything okay?”

Taking hold of her hand, I give it a squeeze, before smiling. “Yeah. Everything’s great. I should probably get going myself.”

“Okay.” She gives me a disappointed smile.

“I would stay, but I don’t think Tomás would appreciate me sleeping in your room. And yes, that’s exactly where I’d sleep.”

She lets out a soft giggle, wrapping her arm around me. “No, probably not.”

I say my good-byes to her family. Her mom smiles once more, hugging me. Javier gives me a high five, and Miguel gives me a slight nod. I take that as a friendly good-bye. Shaking her dad’s hand once again, he does the same thing he did before. Nods without a word. I want to be polite and say good-bye to Tomás, but I don’t see him anywhere.

We walk out to my truck, and I pull her close. “Okay, I was saving this for right now, because I didn’t want to freak you out any more than I figured you would be.” She looks at me nervously. “I talked to my parents earlier today. Told them I’m meeting your family.”

“Oh.”

“They were happy. But they also said it’s their turn to meet you now.”

“Oh, okay.” She bites her lips nervously.

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Micah, please tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not. I know it’s a lot, and if you really don’t want to, that’s fine. But I just figured, we might as well make a weekend out of it and get it all out of the way.”

She chews on her lip, her eyes darting around on the ground, searching for answers that may be down there.

“I can tell them no, V. I can say you can’t do it and make something up. You can wait a little longer if you want.”

“No. No, don’t do that. Okay. You’re right, yeah, let’s just get it over with.”

Leaning against my truck, I pull her close. “Are you sure?”

She puts her hands on my chest, still biting her lip, but gives me a slight nod. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that. I mean, it can’t be any worse than today, right?”

She smiles up at me, and the moonlight sparkles off her eyes. I just met her family, and I think it went well, for the most part. She’s meeting my mom and dad tomorrow. I’m in love with this girl. I want to tell her.

“Vero! It’s getting late.”

I look up and see Tomás standing in the doorway.

“Unbelievable,” she scoffs quietly, shaking her head.

“He’s just being a big brother.”

“No. He’s being an annoying brother.”

I laugh and look up again to see him still watching us. “V, I have to do it.”

“No, Micah. He’ll kill me. Not you, me.”

“I have to,” I whisper, chuckling. “I think I’ve got two of your brothers on my side and it doesn’t look like Tomás is coming over tonight. I have to do it.”

“No, Micah.” She taps my chest, imploring me to stay quiet, but she’s smiling. “No one calls him that except me. Not even Yesenia, and she’s his wife.”

“It has to be done.”

“No, Mic—”

“Have a good night, Toto!”

His face drops. Crossing his arms, his face twists in disgust and I do my damnedest to hold a grin and not just break into hysterics. It makes it a lot more challenging to do because Veronica’s face is pressed against my shirt, muffling her laugh against my chest.

“I can’t believe you,” she says, finally lifting up her face. “If I don’t make it to dinner tomorrow night, it’s because I’m dead. Kiss me good-bye now because he’s going to kill me.”

“Silly girl.”

Chapter 14

Veronica

I’ve known I liked Micah for a while. Even before we started going out, I liked him. Of course, he had a girlfriend then, but when we’d see him on campus, Cindy and I would gawk at him from afar. Okay, I’d gawk at him, while Cindy whispered R-rated things about him. And ever since we’ve been dating, that like has grown and grown.

After getting grilled by my brothers, being asked question after question by my aunts, being flirted with by my annoying cousins, and giving my mom a bouquet of flowers, I know. I’m falling in love with him.

But I’ve never loved anyone before. Well, not like that at least.

With Tim, I thought I could love him, but I never got to that point. How soon is too soon to tell him? Should I wait for him to say it first? Is he even in love with me yet? Will he freak out if I tell him out of the blue? Should I wait until we’re alone? These are all questions that kept me up into the early morning hours, and I’m still thinking about them now, as we drive to his parents’ house. All of the nerves I’m feeling from knowing how I feel about him are compounded, knowing I’m about to meet his mom.

He reassures me his parents are going to love me, but he always emphasizes his dad more. He doesn’t say it, but I know it’s because his mom really liked Lana. I mean, what’s not to like? She’s tall, blonde, pretty, and smart. Oh, and thin. She’s super thin.

No. I have to get rid of those thoughts. I’ve been trying more than ever to not be as self-conscious. I don’t want to be that. I want to just be a girl who’s dating a boy. That’s what I try and think of us as. Just a boy and a girl, who like each other. But then the mind roams, and I remember what Micah looks like without a shirt on. Then it becomes the chubby girl with a hot guy.

No. Stop thinking like that.

“Okay, here we are,” Micah says, pulling into the driveway of the house.

It looks similar to our home. A two-car garage, beautiful front yard. Our house has a fence encompassing the yard, while his parents’ front yard is open to the street.

I don’t realize I’m still sitting in the truck, looking at the house, until Micah taps on my window. “You okay?” He opens the door, and I unbuckle my seatbelt to get out.

“Yeah. Yes. Yeah.”

He laughs, shutting the door as I get out, and then wraps his arms around me. “It’s going to be fine.” He takes a step and backs me up against the side of the truck, bringing a hand up under my chin. “There’s nothing to worry about.” He leans closer. “They’re going to meet you, and you know what they’re going to see?”

“What?” I answer lowly, locking my hands behind his head, so his lips brush against mine.

He whispers, kissing me softly between his words, “How amazing, incredible, smart, pretty, funny—”

“I’m not gonna let you stop if that’s what you’re waiting for.”

“Well, I could keep going, but I’d rather just stop and kiss you more.”

His light kisses finally turn into what I want. Lips pressed against mine, his body against me, and my hands around his neck as his are in my hair. I get lost in his arms every time. Tremors run through me, and I want more. I’ve been wanting more, but too afraid to be that vulnerable with him.

A cough sounds, and we break apart. An older version of Micah stands ten feet away, graying hair, fit build, though not as tall as Micah, and he’s smirking. A sudden burst of embarrassment rips through me, and I hide my face in Micah’s chest.

“Am I interrupting?” older Micah says.

“Yeah, kind of,” Micah answers. I can hear the laughter in his voice.

I slap Micah’s chest. “No. No, no. No, he’s not. No, you’re not.”

His father chuckles and takes a step toward us, offering me his hand. “I’m Jacob. Veronica, I take it?”

“Yes,” I answer, shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. I’ve heard plenty of wonderful things about you.” He gives me another smile, then beams at his son, proudly. “You seem to have made quite the impression on Micah. Sorry about interrupting—”

“Oh, no. You weren’t interrupting.”

“Yes, he was.” Micah nudges me with his elbow.

His dad laughs again. “I was fine with waiting, but your mother saw your truck pull in and sent me out here for you.” He motions to the front door. “Shall we?”

Heading inside, I can smell the food throughout the house. Micah told me his mom was making one of his favorite dishes, a fettuccini pasta dinner. I love fettuccini alfredo, so I’m looking forward to it.

“Ma.” He walks over to her, and I trail behind. She smiles brightly, giving him a hug. “This is Veronica.” He reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze.

I hold out my free hand to her. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Fernandez.”

“Oh, stop that.” She waves my hand away and gives me a hug. “You can call me Justine.”

Smiling, I look back at her husband. “Nice. Jacob and Justine.”

“Our friends used to call us JJ,” Jacob says. “Some still do.”

“Well, it smells amazing in here.” I turn back to Justine. “Can I help you with anything?”

“Oh, no.” She glances at the stove. “We have a little system in place. I’ve got almost everything ready. I hope you like fettuccini.”

“I love it.”

“Great. I’ve just finished mixing in the mushrooms and chicken so we can get started right now. I’m starving.”

“Mushrooms?”

“Mm-hm.” She nods, smiling.

I flash Micah a worried look. He raises an eyebrow at me. “I’m … I’m sorry. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”

“You are?” Micah asks, and I nod.

“Oh,” Justine’s nose twitches. “Well … hmm, this may be a problem. I had a salad prepared also, but …” She lifts her eyebrows. “Mushrooms.”

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve said something.”

“It’s not your fault.” Micah pulls me closer. “I should’ve told you what we were having. I never thought about you being allergic to something.”

“Well,” his dad speaks up, “we could order some pizza or something.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Justine turns around and covers the pan.

I feel horrible. She doesn’t seem too disappointed, but she must be. Here she is, cooking dinner to meet her son’s girlfriend, and now everything she’s prepared I can’t eat.

“Or …” Micah begins. I look up and see him grinning. “We could have Micah’s Mystery Box.”

His dad laughs. “We haven’t done that in a long time.”

Justine seems to smile, but she still looks slightly deflated. “Okay, yes. Let’s do that.”

“Perfect!” Micah slaps his hands together, rubbing them. “Off you guys go.”

“What? Me too?” I look at him, perplexed.

“Come on, Veronica.” Jacobs motions for me to follow him. “This is either going to be a very endearing trait Micah’s about to instill in you, or you two may be breaking up tonight.”

I follow along, confused, as Micah and Justine laugh.

Walking down a hallway, we enter their living room, where it looks like Micah’s mom already has a photo album sitting out. Everything reminds me of a TV show or movie. The house is clean, his parents seem like they’re the perfect parenting couple, and there are family portraits on the walls. Justine sits down on a couch and taps the seat next to her. “Sit, Veronica.”

She’s a beautiful woman. Taller than me, maybe a couple inches shorter than Jacob, she has high cheekbones. Her light brown hair is straight, and I can’t help but think she seems like she could easily be a savvy professional woman, the way she carries herself, if I didn’t already know from Micah she enjoys staying home and taking care of her family. And yes, I notice that she’s thin, too. Not too small, she has a curvy shape, but nothing that would qualify her as heavy or even over-weight.

She picks up the photo album. “I don’t get to show these often, so I have to take every chance I get.”

Flipping through the pages, I see adorable Micah when he was a baby. The photo is weathered, and Justine’s holding her baby close to her, while Jacob stands next to them both, looking at them like they’re his world. He looks so much like Micah as his younger self, I let my mind wander for a second, hoping that Micah stares at me like that when I’m not aware.

“Here he is, just after the art bug bit him.”

Micah appears to be about five or six, and he proudly holds up a portrait of a stick figure. He’s sitting at a table, Jacob next to him, with what looks like rulers and drafting tools laid out across the table.

She turns the page to another picture, same table and setting, but Micah’s not drawing. He’s sitting at the table, mesmerized, with his hands under his chin, while Jacob seems to be working on some sort of design. I know Micah’s told me how much he looks up to his dad, and this picture encapsulates that perfectly.

Justine turns another page, and this one is of Micah and her sitting at the table. Again, Micah looks as proud as can be, but Justine seems like she’s trying not to laugh. Sitting between them is a massive platter of candy bars, slices of bread, some corn on the cob, and mustard and ketchup squirted over all of it.

Justine lets out a laugh. “Ah, yes. Micah’s first Mystery Box. He’s told you about our little system of cooking, setting the table, and washing the dishes?” I nod with a smile. “Well, one night he said that I work too hard. That he wanted to make dinner for us. What was he, Jacob? Five?”

“Six.”

“Right,” she chuckles. “So, we said okay. We let him loose in the kitchen and offered him help, but he wouldn’t take it. He just kept telling us we were in his way. Finally, after about ten minutes, we decided to just let him make whatever he wanted to make. We called it Micah’s Mystery Dinner. It wasn’t ’til a little later when we thought he was old enough to use the oven—”

“And knew he finally outgrew just throwing random items together,” Jacob adds with a chuckle.

“Yes, that was important. I’d eaten as many ketchup and mustard bananas as I could eat by that time. But when we thought he could make something at least somewhat edible, we let him use the oven and started calling it Micah’s Mystery Box.”

“Wow,” I let out a quiet laugh, running a finger over the picture. “You guys are amazing. Micah’s incredible, you should be very proud.”

“We are,” she replies, giving me a heartfelt smile.

After going through a couple more pages, Micah walks into the room. “It’s done!”

Jacob gives me a weary look. “This is it, Veronica. Once you try the mystery box, there’s no turning back. You can walk out the door now, and none of us will think the less of you.”

I laugh, and Micah scoffs. “Oh, ye of little faith. Just because I haven’t cooked one in a while, doesn’t mean I don’t still got my chops.”

“We’ll see,” Justine counters.

“I didn’t hear much cooking,” Jacob says as we walk into the dining room.

“That’s because there wasn’t much cooking,” Micah replies. I look over at him to see a smile. He reaches around a corner, and grabs two large plastic bags, putting them on the table.

“Cheater!” his dad yells at him.

“Oh, come on,” Micah laughs, taking out cartons of Chinese food. “You guys are my parents. I’ve always known you wouldn’t get rid of me. But I’m not taking that chance with Veronica.” He winks at me, and I shake my head, giggling. Setting down five different boxes, he grabs a handful of plates and cutlery, placing them in the middle. “I got your favorite, V. Beef and Broccoli. Kung Pao for you, Dad. And I didn’t forget the chicken egg rolls for you, Mom.”

“How did you get this so fast?” I ask him.

“Magic.” He twirls his fingers around. All three of us exchange unconvinced stares and then look back at him. “Okay, I sent Taylor a text message. I knew he was getting off work and had him pick up some food from the Chinese restaurant next to the gym.”

We all laugh, and Micah sits down next to me. While we eat, his parents exchange more stories of him growing up, and find out a little more about me. As different as our families are—mine with the huge extended family and siblings compared to Micah being an only child—it still feels the same. The same closeness. The same kind of love his parents have that I know my parents have. And that love I’ve been feeling for him keeps getting deeper.

After we finish eating, Micah assumes the station that he tells me is customary and begins to take the plates to the sink. I grab the cups we used and follow him along.

“It’s okay, I got this.”

“I want to help. I already messed up dinner.”

He bumps me with his hip. “You didn’t mess up anything. That was my fault.”

“Well, I still want to help.”

Adding soap to a sponge, he starts cleaning a plate. “So, that wasn’t so bad, right?” he whispers to me.

“No,” I whisper back. “It was great, actually.”

“I told you they’d love you.”

His words hang in the air. It’s not a romantic or intimate setting, but it feels like he wants to say more. It feels like I should say more. Before either of us can say anything, though, the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it,” Justine calls out as Micah looks away. “Oh, no. Honey, what are you doing here?”

Micah gives me a confused look. I hear the door close and then muffled voices.

“What’s going on?” Micah asks.

He dries his hands and walks over to the door. I hear Jacob stop him. “Micah, maybe just let your mom deal with that.”

“What is it?”

“It’s … Lana.”

A knot forms in the pit of my stomach. I dry my hands but stay by the sink, unsure what to do. Micah hasn’t responded to his father, and I still hear the shrouded voices. Then the door swings open and the sounds are clear again.

“No, I know you said to give him time, but I just need to talk to him, Justine.”

“Lana, honey, I’m sorry, but—”

“Lana, what the hell?”

“Micah! Micah, please, I just want to talk to you.”

“How’d you even know I was going to be home? What are you doing here?”

“Your mom told me—”

“Mom!”

“No, Micah, it wasn’t like that. I told her—Lana, I told you when you called, he was coming over with his girlfriend.”

“Mom, why are you telling her anything? Lana, you need to leave. Now.”

“No, Micah. Please! Please, I know I screwed up, but I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. It was a mistake. Please, you have to believe me.”

“Believe you? Are you kidding me? You cheated on me. Twice! Why the hell should I ever believe anything you say?”

“Please, I’m sorry, Micah!” Her voice strains. She’s crying. I feel bad for her, but I also wish she’d just listen to Micah and leave.

“Mom, give us a minute.” It’s not a question. I don’t hear Justine’s voice, just the door close. More muffled sounds.

Even though I can’t make out the words entirely, he sounds mad. Even madder than when I heard him talking on the phone back in the café. And she sounds hysterical. Then silence. I take a deep breath, unsure what’s going on out there. I want to check on him, but I don’t. His relationship with her is nothing like the one I had with Tim. Tim cheated on me and made it seem like it was no big deal. Lana truly sounds heartbroken. And even though I know she brought it upon herself, I feel sorry for her.

The door opens and closes.

“Mom, what the hell?”

“Micah,” Jacob’s voice thunders and there’s silence for a moment.

“Sorry,” Micah says. “But seriously, Mom. What were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t tell her to come over though.”

“But what did I say, Mom? I said please don’t tell her anything.”

“But, Micah, she seems so broken. And she knows it was a mistake. I can’t just overlook that.”

“You have to. I don’t care if it was a mistake, she screwed up. There’s no coming back from that. I don’t want to go back to whatever we had. I have something else now. I have someone else now.”

My nerves and anxiousness start to disappear. Maybe he is at the same place I am. Maybe he does love me. But before I can feel warm over his words, his mom drops ice down my spine.

“But people make mistakes, Micah. I know you like this girl, but you have so much history with Lana. You guys were so good together.”

“Justine,” Jacob’s voice echoes again. Only this time, I know it’s not a warning for his wife about talking to Micah. It’s because he’s the only one of the three that remembers I can hear them.

“Shit,” Micah hisses, and I hear his footsteps. When he turns a corner, I stand there, nodding at him, a helpless expression on my face. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“It’s okay.”

Justine hurries into the kitchen, walking past her son. “Veronica, I’m so sorry. Honey, I didn’t mean it how it sounded. Please, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I give her a small nod and smile. “You’re right. They do have a lot of history. Um, I should probably be getting back home now. Micah?”

He nods, giving me the same defeated expression I know I’m wearing. “Yeah.”

Chapter 15

Micah

It’s been two days since the meeting with my parents, which at the time I thought was going great, but turned into a fiasco. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why my mom is being so forgiving toward Lana. Why she wants me to hear her out and possibly forgive her. It’s not like I want her to hate Lana, she doesn’t even have to dislike her—though that’s another thing I don’t understand why she isn’t feeling—but why is she so intent on being kind to her still?

“It’s just been weird, man,” I tell Taylor as we hang out behind the counter at our gym. It gets slow during the midweek, so other than cleaning, we have a lot of free time. “My dad’s telling me to give my mom time. That she’s just being sympathetic. Why the hell is she being sympathetic to a girl who was screwing behind my back?”

“What about Veronica? She say anything about it since?” he asks.

“No,” I answer, staring at the counter. “She seemed fine on the way home that night. At least, as fine as a girl could be, after hearing her boyfriend’s mom go on about how great he and his ex were together.”

“Just eighty-six her, man. Block her number, get your parents to block her number, tell your friends to not talk to her. Shun her, bro. Send a cease and desist letter if you have to.”

“I don’t want to be a dick. I just want her to move on.”

“Micah, she cheated on you.”

“Thanks, I didn’t know that.”

“Seriously, bro.” He laughs. “Cut that bitch out of your life. You’ll be better off.”

I thought about it when I broke it off with her. And even though she’s called me a few times, it hasn’t been like it was the first time. But getting ahold of my mom, and more importantly my mom freely talking to her and giving her a shoulder to cry on, is not helping.

Taking out my phone, I open my contacts and find her name and number. It’d be easy to block her, and maybe I should. As aggravating as everything has become, perhaps it’d be best for both of us. I wouldn’t have to hear from her, and it might finally force her to move on.

“Okay, well,” Taylor speaks up, “you can block her number all you want, but it’s not going to do any good if she stalks you.”

“What are you—” I start to ask, and he looks out of the front windows of the gym. Lana’s standing against her car, peering inside. “You gotta be kidding me.” I look around the gym for my manager. “Where’s Bill?”

“In the back, working on payroll.”

“I’m gonna go handle this.”

“Yeah, go. If he comes up, I’ll tell him you’re taking a break.”

“Thanks.”

There’s no appreciation in my voice. It’s all annoyance. Before going outside, I stand in front of the glass doors. She’s looking inside, and I know she can see me through the window, but she just stares. The other night she was bawling her eyes out. If it had been any other night, at any other time, I might’ve been a little more sympathetic. I wouldn’t have gotten back with her, but I might’ve consoled her a little more. But with Veronica inside, I was furious. My anger’s calmed since then, and she seems more in control, too.

“Lana, you gotta quit this,” I call out, walking to her.

“I know,” she answers, which catches me off guard.

“You know?”

She nods, taking a deep breath. “I know I have to stop. I know you have a new girlfriend. I know this isn’t healthy and I know I need to move on. I know all of that, Micah. But I can’t. I can’t move on. Screwed up doesn’t even begin to describe what I did, but I need you, Micah. I need you now, just as much as I needed you then. You’re my rock.”

“I can’t be your rock. Not anymore.”

“My parents,” she looks down at the ground, wrapping her arms around herself, “they loved you. They still love you. When I told them we broke up, they asked me what I did this time. They knew, Micah. They knew I messed up because you’re perfect.”

“I’m not perfect. No one is.”

“No. You are. Everyone saw it. When we were in school, remember how Emma and Jen would joke around how you were Prince Charming?”

“Lana, don’t do this.”

“You’re my Prince Charming, Micah. And I can’t let that go.”

“It’s already done. You already—” I stop myself because we both know what she did. We both know it’s her fault and I don’t want to keep throwing that in her face. “What’s done is done. It’s better to just accept it and start moving on.”

“But I can’t move on, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. You were supposed to be with me. Me and you, high school sweethearts, just like you always used to say. I’m an idiot. I have no excuse for what I did. But I promise you, Micah. I promise I’ll spend my life trying to get you to forgive me. Because you were supposed to be my life. My home.”

Her tears are falling again, but it’s not like at the house. She’s not sobbing and wailing. She’s standing in front of me, her arms still hugging herself, the tears streaming down her cheeks.

I want to counter everything she just said, but I know it won’t help. She’ll make an excuse, or tell me how she’s going to try and change. She’ll promise to do better, or she’ll keep begging. For every valid reason I give her that I can’t and won’t go back to her, she’ll try to counter it. So I don’t.

I turn around and pull out my phone, waving it at her as I walk back to the gym.

“I’m blocking your number. Don’t call. Don’t text. Just move on with your life.”

Getting inside, I don’t turn around to see if she’s still standing there. I’m walking around the counter when my phone rings. Letting out a growl, my fingers clamp around it.

“Motherf— I just told her not to call.” Gripping it tighter, I see the caller ID and let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God. Hey, you.”

“Hey,” Veronica answers.

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear your voice. I was about to throw my phone through a wall.”

“Yikes,” she says with a chuckle. “What’s wrong?”

Should I tell her? Will she get upset that Lana seems to be officially stalking me? But I don’t want to lie either. “Lana. She just showed up at work.”

“Oh …” I hear the timidity in her voice.

“V, you have nothing to worry about. Seriously. I’m blocking her number right after I finish talking to you. I honestly wish she could just move on.”

“Right. Yeah, okay.”

“So what’s up?”

There’s a pause. I hope everything that’s happened the last few days isn’t starting to scare her or give her second thoughts about us. “Well, see …”

“Everything good?”

“Yeah.” She lets out a nervous laugh. “Are you okay with me spending the night tomorrow night?”

I smile. “I’m okay with you spending the night every night.”

My response seems to put her at ease. “Okay, it’s just … tomorrow’s my birthday.”

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me before, we could’ve set something up? Had a party or something.”

“I don’t want anything like that. I just kind of want a nice night in, you know?” She laughs. “Listen to me. I’m gonna be nineteen, and I’m already talking about spending a nice night in.”

“Silly girl. Of course, whatever you want. We can watch Netflix, and I’ll get you chocolate covered pretzels.”

She sighs with a giggle. “You know the way to my heart.”

“Need me to pick you up?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m gonna hang out with Cindy earlier in the day, and she’ll drop me off.”

“All right. Sounds good.”

“Um, Micah?”

“Yeah?”

There’s a pause. “Uh … this is so stupid.” Now a nervous laugh. “I wouldn’t bring it up, but I don’t want to show up and you not …” Another nervous laugh. “Do you have … protection?”

I laugh. I know it’s a serious question and from her tone, I can tell she’s nervous and little embarrassed. That’s not why I laugh though. I laugh because the word protection comes out muffled and quiet and I can only imagine she’s in her room, or somewhere no one else can hear her, but she’s still trying to be as quiet as possible.

“It’s not funny,” she scolds me.

“No, but it is cute. And yes, I do.”

“Okay. Good to know. Not that you’ll be needing it since you just laughed at me.”

“Silly girl.”

“Dumb boy.”

Chapter 16

Veronica

Everything about today is awkward, nervous smile after awkward, nervous smile. It started before Cindy picked me up in the afternoon. My family got together and wished me a happy birthday and then said they wanted to have a party tonight. I thanked them and then proceeded to lie to everyone, telling them that Cindy was putting together a party for me with our friend, Izzy, who finally has some free time for the summer. Izzy does have some free time, but she’s with her boyfriend a lot. My brothers eyed me suspiciously and grumbled under their breaths.

I couldn’t leave the house, though, and not come clean with Tomás. As overbearing as he is, I love him. I know he’s only looking out for me. So, I proceeded to tell him the truth before Cindy picked me up.

“Toto, Cindy’s not throwing a party for me tonight,” I say, shamefaced.

“I know,” he answers as he goes over paperwork for the company.

I stand there, not sure if I should say more or just leave it at that. I choose the former. “I’m spending the night at Micah’s.”

He lifts his eyes from the papers, meeting mine, and then looks back down. “I know, Vero.”

He’s not mad. Or annoyed. He’s much calmer than I thought he would be. It makes me nervous. “It’s just that I know what I said earlier, but I know I don’t want to lie to you either. You’re way too much sometimes, Toto, but I love you for that because I want my big brother to watch out for me, but I can take care of myself, too, you know?”

He looks up again, letting out a chuckle. “I know.”

My eyes narrow. “You’re way to calm about this.”

“Look, I’m always gonna be your big brother. That’s never going to change. So that means I’m always going to probably act a little too protective. I’m sorry if that makes you mad because I don’t do it for that. I do it because I love you. As much as I hate to say it, you were right. You’re an adult. I just have to trust you.”

“Okay … Thank you.”

He nods before returning his attention back to the paperwork.

“Hey, check this out,” Cindy says, walking into the house, holding up her phone. “I mean, I know it’ll be your first time tonight, but I’ve used this before. You should definitely keep it in mind and have Micah get some. It’s so—”

She halts, jaw open, as she gets closer and sees that I’m not alone. Her face might be as red as mine is. Tomás’ too. I’m horrified, and my only solace is knowing that he didn’t see what she was talking about—mango flavored lube.

Kill me now.

“Yummy,” she finishes.

I want to strangle her.

“Yeah …” Tomás slowly shakes his head, keeping his eyes averted from either of ours. “Could’ve done without that.”

I rush her out of the house, and she’s already laughing about it as she starts her car and we drive to the mall. We walk around a little, getting Jamba Juice, and head to a small boutique where she said she ordered something for my birthday.

“You asked him about protection, so what?” Cindy says as I relay the conversation I had with Micah yesterday.

“Who does that, Cin? Who asks ahead of time about condoms?”

“People who are responsible, that’s who.”

“I felt so stupid. I wasn’t even going to say anything, but right before I hung up, I thought what if I show up and he doesn’t have any. Then that would be embarrassing. What am I even doing? Should I be doing this? I feel like I’m freaking out. I shouldn’t be freaking out over this, should I? I should be excited, and I’m just a ball of nerves right now.”

“It’s okay to be nervous. Just calm down. Do you realize how excited he probably got after you asked him about that?”

“Really?” I raise an eyebrow.

She stops, turns to me, and looks at me like I’m crazy. “For reals, V? You just asked your boyfriend if he had condoms. What, you think he’s wondering why you’re asking, under the impression that you guys were never gonna have sex?”

“Well, no, but … now he knows I was thinking about it.”

“V, you’re supposed to be thinking about it.”

“Yeah, but now he probably thinks that I’ve been thinking about it a lot, which I have, but I just think about it because I haven’t done it.”

“Oh, so you’re never gonna think about it after you guys do it?”

“I don’t know—”

“Yes. You are. As a matter of fact, you’re gonna think about it more. Trust me.”

I know she’s probably right. The last few times we’ve fooled around, it was all I was thinking about. I just need to calm down and not freak out. Yeah, easier said than done.

“What are you doing?” I ask, still heading to the boutique, when she stops in front of a lingerie store.

“In here.” She waves for me to follow.

“What? Why? Cindy, I’m not getting anything from there. That’d just amp up my nerves even more.”

“Well, that’s too bad, because this is where I ordered your present from.”

“What?” My voice jumps up higher. A few people down a couple stores hear me and turn. Putting my hand over my face, I rush into the store, dragging Cindy with me. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m totally serious.” She pulls her arm from of my grasp and walks over to the counter. “Hi. I ordered something online a couple days ago and had it delivered here.”

“Oh, okay. Name?”

“Cindy Cosgrove.”

“Okay, one minute.”

When the girl leaves the counter and goes to the back, I pull at Cindy’s arm again. “What are you thinking? I’m not wearing some skimpy lingerie. I don’t even take my shirt off in front of him.”

“You don’t?”

“No!” I answer through a clenched jaw. “So I sure as hell am not wearing some bra and panties combo.”

“Wait, when you sleep over, what do you wear?”

“One of his shirts.”

She lifts he brows. “Oh, well, guys always like that, too. Look, don’t wear it tonight, okay? Don’t even wear it the next time you guys do it, or the time after that. But keep it because I’m telling you, once you do wear it, Micah’s going to be drooling for days.”

“You. Are. Crazy.”

“Here you go.” The girl comes back out with a shiny, black bag. “Just need a signature from you.”

Cindy signs the paper and pushes the bag over to me on the counter. I give her a sideways look, almost afraid to touch it. Which is stupid. In the back of my mind, I know she’s right. Guys like stuff like this, right? But when would I ever be comfortable enough to wear whatever she bought in front of Micah?

Cindy let’s out a sigh. “Sorry, just one more thing,” she says to the girl at the counter. She reaches into the bag and what she pulls out pleasantly surprises me. I was expecting a skimpy bra or some kind of lace or see-thru panties. But it’s a dark, rose-colored, satin and lace babydoll. While it still shows more skin on top than I’m used to, it’s definitely more appealing than bra and panties. “What do you think of this?” Cindy asks the girl.

“Oh, that’s nice. That color is one of our top sellers.”

Cindy holds it up in front of me. I look at her like I want to kill her. “You think her boyfriend would like it?”

The girl eyes me up and down, and for a moment all of my insecurities flood through me. Her eyes narrow, she bites the inside of her lip, twisting her head as if she’s thinking of a nice way to say I shouldn’t wear something like that. Then she smiles. “Oh, he’ll love it.”

A blush creeps over my face, and Cindy turns to me, smiling. “Told you.”

She puts it back in the bag and then hands it to me. “Well, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, birthday girl.” Smiling, Cindy gives me a hug. “Now let’s go get you laid.”

The counter girl’s eyes pop open. I raise the bag in front of my face, hiding what I’m sure is pure horrification.

* * *

“Okay, look,” Cindy pats my hand as she parks outside of Micah’s apartment, “you know I love you. I know I was super nervous my first time, so just try to stay calm.”

“Oh, are you taking the motherly-figure role, now that you’ve embarrassed me in front of everyone today?”

She laughs. “I’m serious. Just don’t overthink it. You love him.”

I’ve still been wondering where he’s at as far the love word goes. I know I’m in love with him. I think he feels the same, but I’m not sure.

“I mean, you do love him, right?” I give her a smile, nodding my head. “And I know he loves you. Whether he knows it or not, is irrelevant. I know he does.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so.” She leans over and gives me a hug.

“I’m leaving my gift in your car though. I am not wearing that tonight.”

“Okay, okay.”

As per my usual habit, I head over to Micah’s apartment and go to let myself in, but the door’s locked. It’s not unusual, but when he knows I’m coming over he usually leaves it unlocked. I knock a couple times and try to listen for any commotion, but don’t hear anything. Wouldn’t that be perfect, if he forgot?

No, Vero. Stop being like that. He wouldn’t forget this.

I knock again and pull out my phone. Maybe I should call him.

The door swings open and Micah stands there, dripping wet, holding a towel around his waist. “Hey, you’re early.”

“I … I …” I’m trying to form words, but my brain has gone to pudding. I can feel it, all squishy, sloshing around inside of my skull. He opens the door wider to let me in, but I just stand there, admiring—gawking—at the water dripping down his chest. The beads of water trail over his muscles, down his stomach, to somewhere underneath the towel.

“You gonna stay out there all night?”

My eyes shoot back up, and he’s smiling. “Would you like to come inside or did you want to get to business out there?” My mouth drops, and he laughs.

Finally realizing he’s teasing me, I find some kind of strength to not stare at him, and go inside.

“Just give me a second to dry off.”

I stop and stand behind the sofa. Usually, I’d feel comfortable enough to go to the kitchen and grab something to drink, or just lounge around on their couch, or even head straight into his bedroom and turn on the TV and start to watch something. Now, I’m stuck.

What should I do? Does he expect me to do something or say something? Should we have something to drink first? I know they usually have some alcohol in the apartment, maybe he wants to relax first. Should I change already? Why is it they make it look so much easier in the movies and on TV when it comes to this sort of stuff?

“What are you doing?” Micah asks, coming back out of the bathroom. He’s got on a pair of shorts and a shirt that fits him snuggly, but I can’t erase—nor do I want to—the mental image of him opening the door in nothing but a towel.

“Um …” I look around, unsure how to answer.

He gives me a hug and kisses the top of my head, before walking to the kitchen. “Happy birthday. I ordered a pizza. I would’ve gone all out, but you said you just wanted a chill night. Is that okay?”

“Mm-hm.” I nod.

Turning around, he stares at me still standing there. “Are you okay?”

Get it together, V. This was your idea! “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Pizza sounds great.”

Believe it or not, pizza does the trick. Thankfully, he tells me Taylor is out on a date, so he’s not in the apartment. We talk like we usually do, eat a couple of slices, and take our drinks to his room where he turns on the TV, just as he would any other night.

But now that we’re laying on the bed, my frantic thoughts return. I excuse myself and change into one of his shirts and my shorts, trying not to overthink. Other than the teasing comment at the door, he hasn’t even brought up the obvious fact of why I’m spending the night. I appreciate that, but for some reason it just makes me feel more awkward like it’s some unspoken thing between us.

I sheepishly walk back into the room. I’m not sure if I’m expecting him to be half-naked on the bed, have a rose in his mouth, or playing some kind of slow song, but it’s none of those things. He’s laying where he was when I walked out, scrolling through a list on Netflix.

“I was thinking we could start watching the last season of Kimmy Schmidt.”

“Oh,” I say, wondering what he’s thinking or if he’s trying to say something else. Because, yeah, Kimmy Schmidt is always an innuendo for sex. “Um, yeah. That sounds good.”

Crawling into bed, I adjust the blankets over myself and lean in closer to him. He starts the first episode, and I feel the nerves crawling around in my stomach. But then … nothing. The episode ends, and I look over at Micah.

He raises the remote control up. “Another one?”

“Uh … sure.”

So, we watch another episode. My nerves are dying down a bit, but now the anticipation is mixing with embarrassment and doubt. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he just said yes, but doesn’t really want to. Maybe he didn’t know how to tell me no, so now he’s waiting for me to fall asleep or something.

The episode ends. Again, he raises up the remote, silently asking me.

“Did you …” I pause, biting my top lip. “Did you not want to do this?”

“What?”

“I mean, it’s okay if you don’t. I’ll understand. I just thought—”

“Veronica. Of course I want to do this.”

“You do?”

He lets out an unbelieving chuckle. “Absolutely.”

“Then …” I look at the TV and then him, “what are we doing?”

“I just thought … I mean, I just wanted it to happen naturally, or whatever. You know? I didn’t want you to freak out and think it had to be some big production or something. To be honest, I thought about doing rose petals, or chocolate-covered strawberries or some other things.”

“You did?”

“Yes. But you’ve been waiting, which I’m fine with, so I didn’t want you to get nervous or anything. Vero,” he leans in closer, putting his hand under my chin, “I just want you to be happy. The fact that you want this with me is all I need.”

“You have to kiss me after saying something like that.”

He smiles, running his hand through my hair, pulling me closer. Our lips connect, and my body reacts like it always does. My skin prickles and my breath catches. His hand runs around my side, and he pulls me on top of him. Sitting up, wrapping his arms around me, his lips travel along my jaw and then down my neck. I lean back, loving the current it sends through me, wanting his lips everywhere.

Reaching around, I grab the bottom of his shirt and pull it off, digging my fingers into his shoulder. His lips graze over my throat, before coming back up to my mouth. Our tongues connect, and I feel his hands sliding down and under my shirt.

“Wait, I’m sorry.” I push him away, just enough to break apart our lips, but keep my forehead against his.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to—”

“No, I want to. It’s just …” I swallow the jitters, unsure how he’s going to react to my request. “I want to keep the shirt on.”

He smiles, quelling my fears. “I can’t promise that’s going to keep my hands off of you.”

I bring my lips closer, kissing him again. “I don’t want you to keep your hands off of me.”

“Good.”

Chapter 17

Micah

I wake up to a light touch being rubbed across my cheek. Adjusting to the light in my room, I look over and see Veronica smiling.

“Good morning.” I clear my throat, smiling.

“Morning.” She snuggles closer to me.

“Were you watching me sleep?” She nods. “That’s not creepy.”

“Shut up.” She giggles. “I’m just …” Biting her lip, she looks away.

“What?”

“Happy.”

“Me too.” Pulling her closer, I run my thumb softly over her cheek. “Are you …” I stare at her for a moment, hoping she understands what I’m saying, but she just stares back, “sore?”

An adorable blush creeps over her cheeks, as she drops her head into the crook of my neck.

“No. I mean, a little, but nothing crazy like I thought I might be.” Resting her head on my chest, her fingers run over my skin. “Last night was perfect.”

“Yeah. It was.” I smile up at the ceiling. This is the only way I want to wake up from now on. “You don’t have to leave, do you?”

“Nope. I’m all yours.”

“Yes, you are.” I hold her tighter, pressing my lips to hers.

I know last night wasn’t my first time, but in a way, I do feel like it was. With Lana, when we had sex, I don’t think either of us was in love. We thought we could be, but I know I wasn’t there yet. With Veronica, I am there. Completely, one hundred percent. And I wanted to tell her last night, but I didn’t want to freak her out. If I told her last night would she think I’m only saying it because we were having sex? I didn’t want to take that chance.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I chuckle.

She smiles back. “Me too.”

“Okay, you go first. I’ll see what we got for breakfast. Then, I say we stay in bed for the rest of the day.”

She smiles, pressing her lips to mine again. “I like that sound of that.”

Throwing on a shirt, I head to the kitchen as she goes to the restroom. Looking through the cabinets, I pull out a box of Pop Tarts and start toasting a couple. When she comes in, I just watch her. Her curly hair everywhere, my shirt hanging off of her, and her little pink shorts riding high. I’m in love with this girl.

“Be right back. Pop Tarts are toasting.” I give her a quick kiss, before heading to the bathroom.

“Mmm, sugary, toasted pastries. Breakfast of champions.”

“Got that right,” I call back.

When I’m done, I head back into the kitchen, and she stands over the counter, waiting for the toaster to finish. I wrap my arms around her from behind, leaning down, kissing her neck.

“It feels like someone else is up,” she giggles.

“Sorry,” I reply, smiling into her neck.

“Don’t be. I, um … I’m ready.”

“Are you sure? We can wait if you need to.”

She turns to face me, wrapping both arms around my neck. “No, I want to.”

“Damn the Pop Tarts, then.” I laugh and start kissing her.

Taylor walks into the kitchen behind us. “Morning, you two.”

“Good morning,” I answer as Veronica giggles into my chest.

“Morning, Taylor,” she says.

“Did you guys pray this morning?” he asks, already dressed in shorts and a polo shirt for work.

I look at Veronica, who stares back at me with a confused expression, then turn to face him. “What?”

“Pray.” He looks at me like I should know what he’s talking about. “You know, to God?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask as Veronica raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, sorry. I heard you guys praying last night, so I thought you might do the same thing in the morning.”

Veronica’s face contorts with confusion. “What do you mean you heard us praying?”

“You know …” He smiles before closing his eyes and his voice hits a higher pitch. “Oh my God! Oh my God!”

Shit.

Veronica’s face drops in horror. “What? You … you heard us? Me?”

“Girl, our neighbors heard you.”

“Oh my God!” She bolts out of the kitchen.

“He’s standing right there,” he replies, pointing to me.

“What the hell, Taylor?” I cringe.

“Oh, come on, you know I’m joking around. It’s all good.”

“No, it’s not—” I wrinkle my nose, staring at the kitchen door as I hear my bedroom door slam shut. “Damn it.”

“What?”

“Last night …” I don’t want to talk about our sex life with him, but he needs to know he crossed a line. “Dude, last night was her first time.”

Now his face drops. “You for real?” I nod. “Shit, now I feel like an ass.” His voice drops lower. “Wait, she made those noises, and she was a virgin?”

“That’s beside the point, Taylor.”

Turning around, he walks out of the kitchen and toward my room.

“What are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he knocks on my door. “Hey, Veronica. I’m sorry. I … I’m just sorry, okay? My bad.”

He looks over at me, both of us waiting, hearing nothing but silence.

“It’s fine,” she finally calls back out.

Taylor looks at me. “Dude, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to her.”

He nods and lifts his hand to fist bump me. “I’m headed out. Sorry again, man.”

Nodding, I watch him walk out our front door, and then stare at my door for a second, unsure what I’m going to say. Stepping inside, even though no one else is in the apartment, I close the door behind me. This room is our space now, and I really hope that hasn’t changed.

“Hey,” I say.

She’s already changed out of her shorts and stands up, buttoning her pants. “Hey.”

“Vero, Taylor really didn’t mean—”

“I know,” she cuts me off. “But that was really embarrassing.” Her head swivels around, and she lifts the blankets, searching for something.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for my shirt. I think maybe I should go home. I just—”

“What? No, stay. Please.”

She shakes her head, still not facing me. “No, I … I should go.”

Taking a seat on the bed, I grab her hand and pull her closer, so she’s standing between my legs. “Veronica, please. It’s not that big of a deal. So, you were a little loud.”

She jerks her hand away from me. “A little loud? Are you serious?” She crosses her arms and stares down at me. “And why didn’t you say anything? I’m so embarrassed.”

“Honestly?” I wait for a second, unsure how my answer is going to sit with her. “Because last night was amazing and those sounds you were making just turned me on more.” Her mouth drops for a second, before she snaps it shut, fighting off a grin.

“There she is.” I wrap my hands around her legs, pulling her closer.

“No.” She doesn’t move away, but keeps her arms crossed. Her eyes narrow, but her mouth’s fighting back a smile. “I’m still mad.”

I run my hands up her legs, cupping her butt. “You look cute when you mad.”

“You’re to blame for this, you know that?”

“Oh, I know.” I give her a devilish grin.

“Nooo,” she protests again, but now she sits on the bed, her knees pinning my waist. Putting a hand on my shoulder, she jabs a finger into my chest. “That’s not what I mean. You could’ve told me something.”

“To be fair, I did try to tell you.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did.” I nod. “Remember, I whispered your name?”

“You said my name a lot.”

“Okay,” I agree. “The first time I said it. I put my hand over your mouth, and you bit my fingers.”

She looks away, redness crawling up her neck. “Oh.”

Her shoulders slump, and I run my lips under her chin. A soft moan comes from her, my tongue tracing her skin to her lips. “Am I forgiven?”

“I don’t know,” she pouts. “Maybe.”

I pick her up, turning us around, and then lay back down on the bed, pinning her underneath. She lets out a giggle that turns into a soft whimper, as I run my lips up to her ear, taking a small bite. Finding her mouth again, I kiss her deeply, my tongue meeting hers. Her smell, her skin, it’s all intoxicating. Last night was everything, and I always want her.

I nuzzle her with my nose. “Please?”

“I’ll have to think it over.” She smirks. “You might have to give me some valid reasons why I should forgive you.”

“I think I can do that,” I whisper, finding her lips once again and running my hand under her shirt. “I might have you screaming those reasons though.”

“Stop.” She pushes my chest, laughing. “It’s still embarrassing. Plus, you have neighbors.”

I run my lips down her neck and over to her other ear, trailing her skin with my tongue. “We never see them. Besides, I don’t care if they know I’m having an incredible morning.”

Holding myself over her, our laughs intertwine, and she shakes her head. “I hate you,” she says through a giggle.

“I love you.”

Her eyes pop open. Crap.

I mean it. I absolutely, positively mean it, but from her reaction, it might be too soon. There’s no turning back now though.

“You don’t—” She stops herself and nervously averts her gaze. “You don’t have to say that just because …”

“Just because what?”

“Just because … we slept together.”

“Whoa.” I bring a hand up, cupping her cheek. My thumb brushes along her skin and I give a slight shake of my head, but she’s not looking at me. “Vero?” I wait for her to face me, but she doesn’t. “Veronica, please look at me.”

It takes a moment, but she her eyes finally find mine. They’re glistening.

“I would never say that just because we had sex. I said it because it’s the truth. I’ve known I’m in love with you for a while now, but I wasn’t sure if it was too soon to say it. My favorite time of day is when I wake up and you’re in my arms. Your hair tickling my face, then seeing your smile. I’m in love with you, Veronica. I don’t know if you’re there yet, but—”

“I am. There. I love you, too.”

I let out a breath then my lips slam into hers. This kiss right now, knowing how she feels and that she knows how I feel, makes it feel like any and all barriers are gone. There’s just us and our love.

Chapter 18

Veronica

So, Cindy was right. I think about sex a lot now. I mean, a lot.

It’s been a couple of weeks since we had sex for the first time. In that time, I’ve stayed over at his place almost exclusively. The next night, I went home, avoided eye contact with my brothers, and quickly left the next day. I’ve been home just once since. Javier and Miguel haven’t texted me, accept to remind me of an upcoming trip our family takes every year. Tomás has messaged me more, but when I tell him I’m staying over at Micah’s, he replies back with, “Okay. Don’t say anything else.”

But back to the sex … you see? It’s always on my mind. And now that the “first time” is over, it’s easier to broach the topic. Or, maybe I should say, tackle the topic. Because that’s what I’ve done. Multiple times.

Sometimes when we’re sleeping, I wake up to shift the covers, feel him there, and … well, that’s that.

A few days ago, I decided to catch up on my reading list. While I was lounging in bed, he walked into the room after showering and kissed my neck softly. “What are you reading?”

“The latest CoHo book.”

“Good?”

“No,” I side-eye him, “it’s amazing.”

Chuckling, he kisses me again, then reaches over and grabs his iPad, opening an app to read a comic. We read quietly, my legs crossing over his when he speaks up. “I haven’t worked on my comic in a while. I need to get on that.”

“You should,” I tell him, snuggling closer to him, tapping my phone to turn the page.

It’s then that something strikes me. Glancing over at him, he’s staring intently at his screen, and I start to giggle. It’s soft at first, and I try to stifle it, returning my attention to my book, but it continues to build. The giggle turns into laughter, and I set my phone down, bringing my hand to my mouth in hopes of trying to stop it. It doesn’t work.

“What?” he asks with a smirk.

“It’s just—” The words are cut off by my laughs. He’s still smiling, but he’s eyeing me cautiously. “I can’t … it’s just … we’re reading.”

“Yeah. So?”

More laughter. “Are we old?”

“What are you talking about?”

I lean into him, the laughter getting louder. “It’s nine o’clock. We’re lying in bed, not out partying but … reading!”

His eyes narrow, a mischievous smirk crossing his lips, and he grabs my phone from me.

“Hey,” I exclaim.

He puts it with his tablet, setting them off to the side, then rolls over on top of me, attacking my neck with his lips. “You brought this on yourself.”

There was no more reading that night.

But of everything, all things being equal, I think my favorite is morning sex. I know I’m not as experienced as Cindy, but there’s no way she could’ve adequately explained how great morning sex is. I mean … amazing doesn’t begin to describe it.

I love it when he initiates it, but I really love it when I do. Knowing that I’m turning him on, it turns me on.

His hands run over my legs and slide up my back, under my shirt. I still haven’t taken it off. I go to sleep feeling warm and loved by him, but waking up like this is incredible.

His chest is heaving, his lips connect with mine, and he kisses me, long and deep. My lips break away from his, resting my forehead against his.

As he holds me, I feel him everywhere, and bite my bottom lip so hard I think I may have drawn blood. His thumb slides over my lips, our eyes locked on one another. “I love you so much. You’re so beautiful.”

His words are so honest, I even feel them. They’re a weight tied around my heart, and whenever he speaks, they tighten, binding me to him. A loud moan escapes me again before I scream out his name and fall against him.

Our warm breaths mixing with one another’s, he’s about to kiss me again when we’re jolted from our euphoria.

“Shut the fuck up in there!” Taylor’s voice echoes through the apartment. “We don’t live in a porn studio!”

My eyes widen, biting my lip in embarrassment. Micah smirks up at me as I roll off of him. I’m not as embarrassed as the first time Taylor said he heard me. All of the time before having sex, wondering how it’d feel, or how much I’d enjoy it, I never gave a second thought on whether I’d be loud while doing it.

“Okay, I’m leaving for work,” Taylor shouts. “You can continue screaming your brains out.”

My face burns. “I really have to work on that.”

Micah rolls on his side, wrapping his arms around me. As much as I love the connection we share, and as incredible as it feels, there’s nothing that feels better than when he wraps his arms around me right after. “You really don’t,” he whispers, his lips grazing my ear. “He’s just jealous because he hasn’t gotten any for a while.”

“Micah, I’m too loud.”

“No, you’re not, V. I love it when you’re loud. And I love it when you tell me what you like.” He presses his lips against my cheek, his hand traveling up my thigh.

I turn so I’m facing him. “You just like it when I say your name.”

“Yeah, that too.” His hand skims over my waist, and he runs his fingers over the hem of my shirt. “When do you think you might take this off?”

He’s only asked me once before. And even then, it wasn’t a request, just a simple question if I wanted to leave my shirt on or not. I love that it’s okay with him that I’m not as comfortable with my body as he is with his. I wish I were. I wish I could sleep with him, not even have sex, but just sleep next to him, skin to skin. Or even in that present Cindy got me, which I have thought about, but still haven’t dared to break out.

He’s next to me right now, his arms still around me, and he’s completely naked. But he’s shaped like a Greek god, or at least, a demi-god. How am I supposed to compare to that? He’s never brought up my weight. Not once. But I’m still self-conscious about it.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” I say, ignoring his question.

His eyes stay on me, a knowing smile on his face. “When do you have to leave? I can’t believe you’re leaving me for a week. How am I going to survive?”

“Toto said we’re leaving at eleven, so I have a couple more hours.”

I scamper out of bed, pulling my shirt below my butt. Grabbing some clothes out of my drawer, I head to the bathroom, casting a glance back at him before closing the door. He smiles, and if I were wearing panties, they’d be dropping. Again.

Letting the water warm, the bathroom begins to steam up. I step into the shower, and the water falls over me while my fingers trace over my stomach.

Ten more pounds.

When I lose ten more pounds, I’ll take my shirt off in front of him. Things probably won’t be as noticeable. Even if he’s told me he loves me, and holds me like I’m what he wants while we’re intimate, my mind doesn’t think of Micah first. It thinks of Tim and his damn words. It doesn’t matter that Micah hasn’t said that and now, has technically been with a big girl. The words still sting. I hate that that’s where my mind goes, but it’s where it’s always gone.

After the shower, I head back into the room, folding the shirt I just slept in. “I’m taking this.” I stuff it in my bag.

He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling through his phone, as he nods. “Ensenada has some gorgeous beaches.” He waves his phone at me.

“Yeah, they’re pretty nice.”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

His voice is almost somber. I walk over to him, our arms wrap around each other, and he lays his head over my chest. “It’ll only be a week, Micah.”

“I know.” He nods. “I was thinking right now …”

“Okay?”

“Veronica, you know I love you, right?” He looks up at me, his eyes latching onto mine.

“Of course. I love you, too.”

“So, I don’t care if you want to wear my shirts forever while we sleep together. I just want you to be comfortable with yourself, and know that I think you’re gorgeous.”

Can he get any more perfect? My eyes start to tear, and I lean down and kiss his forehead. “Thank you.”

“With that said,” his voice switches to a more lighthearted tone; cupping his hands over my butt, he smirks, “I order you to keep on my shirt and forbid you to take it off while you’re in Mexico, without me around. And I’ll be texting you every single day, making sure there aren’t any guys down there hitting on my girl.”

Laughing, I lean down again, this time kissing his lips. “Dumb boy.”

Chapter 19

Micah

Me: I miss you

Vero: :-*

Vero: What do you miss the most?

Me: Will your brothers read your text messages?

Vero: Ur bad lol. I miss you too. Only 5 more days

Me: Ugh. Don’t remind me

Vero: Gotta go. My cousins are deep in the throes of judging who’s cuter - Justin Bieber or Nick Jonas? They’re both pleading with me to take their side

Me: LOL! You better not pick either

Vero: u never know ;)

Me: Wow. Ok, I’m gonna give u a good reason to not choose either when u get back

Vero: Ok lame-o. That better be a big reason to not pick Nick Jonas. You know he’s my top celeb freebie-choice

Me: I still can’t believe he’s at the top of ur list

Me: And…

Me: You and I both know it’s a BIG reason

Vero: Great. Now I have to delete these messages in case my brothers DO read this LOL

Me: Love u

Vero: I love u too

“Get off your phone,” Taylor says, throwing a hand over my cell phone. “She’s only been gone two days. Grow a pair.”

“Shut up,” I reply with a laugh.

“I’m glad you didn’t put up a fight into coming to this party.”

I look around the house. I haven’t been back here since high school. Since the night I caught Lana cheating on me. And honestly, I surprised myself when I told Taylor I’d come to Matt’s party. His dad’s out of town, and I guess his little brother is spending the summer with their mom, so he decided to throw a big party, now that Izzy has more free time for the summer. Truth be told, I think that’s the only reason I came; knowing Izzy and Cindy were going to be at the party. They’re Veronica’s best friends. I want to get to know them better. Plus, with her gone for a week, it kind of feels like I have a kinship growing with Cindy.

No, there is another reason. She’s only been gone two days, but I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m not nervous. Maybe just concerned. No, concerned sounds worse. We just took a significant step in our relationship, so I should have no reason to feel like Veronica would ever do something with anyone else. Now, more than ever. But it’s still in the back of my mind. I’m hoping that being around my friends and hers, I can finally put those worries in check.

“And you’re still cool, right?” Taylor eyes me.

“What do you mean?”

He glances over my shoulder, and I turn to see Matt leaning against a wall in his backyard, behind a pool table, with Izzy’s arms wrapped around him. “With Matt. I know you said it’s fine when we were at the apartment, but I just want to check.”

“Yeah, I’m cool.” He raises a suspicious eyebrow. “Seriously, man. Look, he’s not my best friend, but that happened a long time ago. And it definitely helps that she hasn’t contacted me in a while. Plus—”

“Veronica,” he cuts me off. “Don’t remind me. I hear you screaming her name enough.” I try to stifle a laugh, but it still comes out. “Dude, you guys are loud.”

“Whatever,” I say through more laughter. “Do you realize how many times I had to listen to you and I never said anything?”

“Yeah, but I thought you were still sulking and not just being polite.”

“It was both.”

Like the last time I was here, I’m impressed by the house. Matt’s dad is some big shot lawyer from what I remember, and it definitely shows that he’s got money to spend. There’s a sauna set up, a hot tub, and a pool with different colored lights under the water. Next to the billiard table, there’s also a ping-pong table. And then, there’s the pool house. The pool house. Where I caught Lana.

I’ve told myself I’m over it and I am over it. I’m not angry about that or catching her on her birthday. I have no reason to even think about it. But seeing the pool house? Remembering what I walked in on, it still burns. Not so much that we were together, because I’ve gotten over that. For the most part. But just the fact that it happened. That she did that to me.

Maybe that’s why I’m constantly texting Veronica, hoping my texts keep her occupied enough in case some guy is hitting on her.

Micah, stop it!

Shaking it off, I walk over to an ice chest near the ping pong table and grab a new drink.

“Micah!” Cindy screams, running over to give me a hug.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Um, excuse you. That’s my man.”

As soon as I hear the voice, a smile cracks my lips. I turn around and see Jen, who bombards me with a hug.

“Jen!” I squeeze her back. “How are you?”

“Oh, you know, being awesome.”

Cindy and Jen know each other, so they exchange pleasantries. Emma walks over with her boyfriend, Carter, on her arm. She breaks away to give me a hug.

“Micah, I’ve missed you!”

“Aw, I miss you, too.”

“Ladies, ladies,” Taylor sidesteps over, a drink in his hand and total confidence lacing his words, “you may or may not know this, but Micah is spoken for now. I, however, am more than available.”

All three of them eye Taylor up and down.

“I’m sure you are, you tool bag,” Carter shouts out, laughing and wrapping an arm around Emma.

“Carter? I didn’t know you were here.”

Pulling Emma closer, he leans down and kisses her cheek. “Yup. Just showing up at my best friend’s party, with my girlfriend.”

Taylor’s eyes widen. “Oops, my bad.” He turns to Jen. “But I don’t know if we’ve ever been properly introduced.”

He extends his hand to her and Emma pushes it away. “Her name’s Jen. She’s my best friend. And her boyfriend is Lucas Mitchell, you horn dog.”

Taylor gives her a peculiar look. “Oh, you’re the chick that had Lucas spazzing in school.” We all laugh, and if I’m not mistaken, Jen blushes a little. “Where is Mitchell, anyway?”

She pouts. “Family camping trip. I couldn’t get the time off from work.”

“Oh, you poor baby,” I tease her, poking her ribs.

“Shut your mouth, Micah.” She scowls at me, before finally releasing a smile.

“Don’t let this guy fool you,” Taylor laughs, slapping me on the back. “He’s been whining for forty-eight hours about Veronica being gone.”

“I feel your pain, Micah,” Cindy commiserates with me.

“No, you really don’t, Cindy.” Taylor laughs. “Not unless you and V got your freak on before she started dating my boy.”

“Taylor!” I hiss through clenched teeth. He laughs some more and Cindy giggles.

“You know,” Jen nudges me, “I called that last summer.”

“Well, you’ve got a good eye,” I answer before looking at Cindy. “So, Cindy, no Jackson tonight?”

“Screw Jackson.” She stares a hole through me, and the silence around us simmers.

I decided to take a chance. “You guys on the outs again?”

“I don’t get that guy. Like, seriously, what is his deal? He’ll text me, we’ll go out, and then I won’t hear from him for five days. Then he’ll call me out of the blue and tell me he misses me. What the hell?” she grumbles, crossing her arms.

“I can have Lucas talk to him if you want,” Jen says, her voice timid and unsure.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. I mean, I like him, but …”

More silence. We look around at each other, and thankfully Carter walks over with a couple cue sticks. “All right, me and Emma got the first game. Who are we playing?”

Jen looks over at me. “What do you say, Micah? Think we can take ’em?”

“Oh, it’s on.”

Laughs and drinks float around the billiard table as we all take turns playing. It’s been forever since I’ve had this much fun with Jen and Emma, and I’ve even cracked a couple jokes with Matt when he walked over. He doesn’t bring up our last discussion at the gym. Neither do I.

Taylor floats around the table, then mingles with a few girls in the hot tub. The only thing that would make this night better is if Veronica was here. Taking a few pictures, I send them to her, and she sends me a few smiley and heart emojis back. Cindy snickers behind me after I finish taking a pool shot.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She smirks and hides her phone against her stomach. I wait, raising an eyebrow. “Okay, but you can’t tell her I showed you. She’ll kill me.”

“Show who what?”

She laughs as she turns her phone around and I read her text messages.

V: I wish I was there. I barely know Jen and Emma

Cindy: They’re nice. Micah’s having a lot of fun but I can tell he misses you

V: I miss him, too

Cindy: Okay, don’t go getting on sappy on me girl. I’m already emotional because of Jax

V: Sorry

V: Hey, send me a picture of him. But don’t tell him

Cindy: Seriously?

V: YES!

There’s a picture of me standing next to Jen. It looks like I’m saying something to her as I hold my cue stick.

V: No. A better one. Oh!!! One of his butt! ;)

Cindy: How the hell am I gonna get one of those?

V: Please! Please! Please!

The next message is a picture of me, leaning over the pool table, about to take a shot. Cindy’s right behind me, so you get a perfect shot of my ass rounding out the cargo shorts I’m wearing. Following the picture is a message from Veronica of three emoji faces, all with heart eyes.

“Nice,” I tell Cindy, who’s still giggling.

Then I send Veronica a text message.

Me: I want u to tell me tomorrow wear u touched urself while looking at that picture of my ass

First, she sends me multiple emojis, mostly of shocked faces. Then of blushing faces.

Vero: I’m going to kill her!!!

Cindy and I laugh some more as I finish off my drink. Heading inside, I’m about to turn the corner for the hallway toward the restroom when I hear a commotion at the front of the house.

“No, man,” I hear Matt say. “If you want to stay, that’s cool, but that asshole has got to go.”

“Fuck you, Hillard!” I hear someone shout back and instantly know the voice. Jeremy McCormick.

When I get to the front door, Carter is standing behind Matt. A couple of their friends are next to them, offering support, as Franco Avila and Jeremy stand on the outside of the entrance.

All four of them—Franco, Jeremy, Carter, and Matt—were all friends in high school. Senior year there was a falling out between all of them. It started with Carter, and everything escalated from there. Franco always seemed to sit on the fence with Jeremy. Matt and Carter never had an issue with Franco, but Jeremy is a dickhead with a capital D.

“Come on, Matt,” Franco pleads. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Shut up, Franco.” Jeremy pushes him aside. “I don’t need to be babysat like I’m three years old. What the hell, Matt? After all of the parties you and Carter went to at my place? And my place is ten times nicer than this shit.”

“Jeremy, cut it out, man,” Franco scolds him.

Jeremy looks at him like he wants to say something, but doesn’t. It’s weird. I don’t know them very well, but they come off as brothers.

“You see?” Matt speaks up. “That’s the shit I’m talking about. Sorry, dude. I’m not having him come in here, breaking shit, and then I gotta hear about it from my dad when he gets back in town.”

“Fuck this!” Jeremy shouts and then turns and leaves.

“Sorry, Franco.” Matt lifts his shoulders, apologizing.

Franco doesn’t seem mad. He looks annoyed, but not at Matt. “Yeah, yeah.” He turns around, following Jeremy.

Shutting the door, Matt turns and sees me standing there. Giving me a head nod, he smiles. “You good?”

“Yeah.” I point to the hallway. “I was just gonna use the bathroom.”

“All right.” He starts walking then stops. “Hey, last I checked the line was super long. If you want, you can head upstairs.”

“Are you sure?” I ask. He’s told everyone the only bathroom we can use is the downstairs one.

“Yeah, for sure. I trust you.”

“All right, cool. Thanks.”

Walking upstairs, I reach the bathroom door when I hear whispering inside. Of course, someone would be hooking up when I need to take a leak. I decide to knock, just in case, hoping I’m wrong and they’ll be done soon.

“Yeah, it’s busy,” a guy’s voice replies.

“Something’s wrong,” I hear a girl say, but it sounds slurred.

“No, it’s all good,” the voice continues.

“No, something … I don’t feel right …”

My hand stays on the door handle—one part feeling like I shouldn’t be listening, but another part of me telling me something’s off.

“Shh, just go with it,” the guy says.

“No, there’s something … Stop, I don’t …”

Okay, I could be totally wrong, but I’d rather look stupid than turn a blind eye. I shake the door handle. Locked.

“I said it’s busy,” the guy’s voice calls out.

“Everything okay in there?” I yell back.

“Everything’s fine. Find another bathroom,” he slurs.

“I don’t feel right,” the girl says again, the voice still groggy.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s happening,” I call back.

“Shut up,” the guys hisses at whoever else is in there. I hear footsteps and then the door swings open.

The guy steps to me, his face a couple inches lower than mine, but that’s pretty much all I know about him. My eyes lock on the girl behind him. Lana. She looks befuddled. Her eyelids heavy. She’s wearing a skirt, but it’s pushed up and bunched around her waist, and I can see her underwear. Her eyes float over to me, and if she recognizes me, she doesn’t show it.

“I said get lost, man.” He puts a finger in my face, but I push it aside, walking toward Lana.

“Lana, what the hell are you doing? Are you okay?”

“Micah?”

“Hey—” I feel his hand on my shoulder. He spins me around, but I push my shoulder into him, knocking him to the ground. “What the hell?”

Turning back around, I stand her up, pulling down her skirt. “Lana? Lana, are you okay?”

Her legs are wobbly, and her hands come up to my shoulders, steadying herself.

“Micah, I don’t feel good.”

“Come on.” I drop her arm over my shoulder and walk past the idiot on the floor, who’s struggling to get to his feet.

“Get back here,” he calls out, but I’m already heading down the stairs.

We turn a corner and Jen is in the kitchen, laughing at something with Cindy. “Jen! Jen, help me.”

“What are you— Lana?” She looks at her and scowls. “What the hell is she doing?”

Before I can answer, the guy from the bathroom stumbles in behind me, pushing me in the back. “What the hell, asshole?”

“Go to hell!”

More people are crowding the doorway from the house to the backyard. Matt walks over, pushing his way through. “What the hell is going on?”

“Ask this scumbag.” I point to the guy.

“Hillard, you need to door check better.”

Matt looks at the guy, who he apparently knows, and then eyes me. “What’s going on, Micah?”

“I’ll tell you what’s going on. This douchebag gets his jollies off date raping girls.”

“Fuck you, I wasn’t date raping anyone.”

I look back over at Lana, still droopy-eyed. She’s leaning on Jen, her legs barely holding her up. “No? Then what do you call that?” I point back to her.

“We’re just having a good time, dumbass.”

“I said no,” Lana mumbles out, clinging closer to Jen.

“What the hell, Eric?” Matt yells at his friend.

“Hillard, we were just messing around. Popped a couple pills, you know how it goes.”

“Fuck that.” Matt steps to him. “Get the hell out of my house, or I’m calling the cops.”

Eric lets out a huff. “This is bullshit.” He stands there a moment longer, staring at me. He finally turns to leave, Matt following behind him.

“Micah,” Jen calls out to me, “she’s getting heavy.”

They both fall to the ground. Kneeling down, I push Lana’s hair away from her face, lightly slapping her cheek. “Lana! Lana, stay awake. What’d you take?”

“Micah.” Tears fall from her. She looks like she wants to hold on to me, but there’s no power in her arms.

“Shit!” I look around and see the concerned expression on Cindy’s face. “I need to take her to hospital. Jen?”

Jen bites her lip. Between her and Emma, Jen definitely dislikes Lana more for everything she did, so I can only imagine the thoughts running through her head. But she nods, and I pick up Lana, reaching in my pocket, and throwing Jen my keys. “Drive my truck.”

Jen weaves through the traffic as I hold Lana, remembering why I dated her in the first place but finding none of those reasons as I hold her. She’s always been full of life. Yes, she likes to party, and even if I’ve always been more of the keep-to-myself kind of person, I liked that about her. She would laugh and have fun and meet new people. We’ve always been opposites, but I sort of liked that about us. But I don’t see any of that now.

I keep yelling at her, trying to keep her to stay awake, because it’s the only thing I know I’m supposed to do. She’ll look up at me, but it’s like she doesn’t recognize me.

When we finally get to the hospital, the nurses help us along. Thankfully, Jen stays with me, holding my hand. I know she loathed Lana—probably more than I did if that’s even possible—but I can tell she’s worried, too. They start asking her questions, and one of the nurses hands her a cup. Lana takes a sip before spitting it out. They get another cup and the dark liquid leaks out of her mouth. Then she starts gagging before we’re ushered out of the area.

“Mr. Fernandez?” A nurse comes out later.

“Yes?”

“We think your friend’s going to be okay, but we’re going to need to monitor her.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll let you stay, but can only allow one of you bedside with her.”

Jen and I exchange looks before she speaks up. “Go home, Micah. I already sent Emma a text. She’s bringing my car.”

“Are you sure? Should I … I mean, do you think she’d want me here?”

“Yeah, she probably would. But this isn’t your problem, Micah.”

“It’s not yours either. She’s my ex-girlfriend, Jen.”

“Yes. Ex. It still pisses me off what she did, and neither of us should have to be here right now. I hate to say it that way because it makes me sound like a bitch, but it’s true. But I’ll be here when she wakes up, because … well, I mean she needs someone to tell her whats what and it doesn’t seem like she’s listening to you.”

She’s right. I know she’s right, but I still feel like I should stay. And at the same time, I know I can’t. If I stay and I’m the first person she sees when she wakes up, then where does that put us, as far as she’s concerned? Will she think I did this because I still love her? Will she beg and plead with me to give her another chance? And how much worse, after all of this, will she take it if I say no again? Because I will say no.

“Okay.” I finally nod and give Jen a hug. “Thanks, Jen.”

Leaving the emergency room, I look back at the doors, wondering one more time if I’m doing the right thing. I hope I am. And I hope Lana finally starts getting her life together and moving on. The right way.

Chapter 20

Veronica

“So, tell me more about your boyfriend?” My aunt, Marisol, hands me my soda.

Her, her daughter, Sofia, and my uncle Ramón arrived in Ensenada yesterday, and everyone was already talking her ear off about Micah. By everyone I mean Toto. And by talking her ear off, I mean telling her he doesn’t trust him. Big brothers are really annoying.

Coming down to Baja is something our family does every year. My grandmother lives down here, and we’ll spend a week visiting her, hanging out on the beach, and having fun. I smile, thinking about Micah, as my uncle rubs suntan lotion over Marisol’s shoulders.

She’s a heavyset woman, but that’s never seemed to bother her. She’s wearing a two-piece, much skimpier than I’ve ever been comfortable with. I have on a dark blue, one-piece bathing suit, with a jade, lace cover-up that hangs loosely from my shoulders. Regardless of how much she weighs, she exudes confidence. I’ve always been jealous of that.

“Tomás doesn’t seem impressed,” Ramón says, wiping her shoulders.

I scoff. “Toto will never be impressed.”

“Is he nice?” Marisol asks.

“He’s amazing.” I smile as I scroll through some pictures of him and show her one.

“Oh, he’s cute.” She leans closer as Ramón lays down on his towel. “But the real question is,” she whispers, “how good of a kisser is he?”

“I heard that,” Ramón calls out.

I giggle, blushing, and stare down at the sand.

“Oh, that good?” she laughs.

I start to put suntan lotion on my legs, trying hard not to miss Micah. It’s only been five days, and even though he’s texted me every day, I still miss him. I know I’m in love with him, but I didn’t think I would miss him this much. It’s a little unnerving. And at the same time, I can’t wait until he’s holding me again.

“Well, it seems like he’s been good for you.”

“What do you mean?”

She tugs at my cover-up. “I like this. What were you wearing last year, shorts and a shirt?”

I adjust my straps over my shoulder. “Is it too much?”

“Mija, you look amazing. You always have, I’m just glad you can see that now.”

“I don’t know …” I look out over the tide. “He tells me I’m beautiful—”

“And you are.”

I smile. “Thank you. I want to believe it, but it’s difficult, you know?”

“Look at me.” She sits a little taller, adjusting her bikini. “You know your tio loves me. And I love him. But I loved myself first.”

She lets the words hang there, staring at me. I’ve never thought I never loved myself. But I also never consciously thought that I’m entirely confident either.

She gives me a loving smile before looking out over the sand. “What’s Sofi doing?”

I look out and see my cousin standing still, ankle deep in the water. Her back is facing us, but it looks like her arms are crossed.

“I’ll go check.”

“Thank you, Vero.”

Walking over to Sofia, I see a group of kids down the beach. She’s thirteen and in middle school. One more year and she’ll be in high school. As I get closer, her round frame reminds me of myself at her age. Her short, wet hair sways back and forth, her arms still folded.

“Hey, Sofi. What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

I see her head pop up for a moment, looking over at the kids, and then back down at the water. “Are those your friends?”

“No.” Her voice sounds harsh. “It’s just a stupid boy.”

“Oh. Yeah, boys can be really stupid.”

Glancing over at her, I see her wipe her eyes quickly. “Stupid Diego.”

“Who’s Diego?”

“A stupid boy!”

I remember feeling like her at her age. Liking boys and at the same time, when they didn’t like me back, calling them stupid. I see so much of myself in her right now.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she answers. I’m about to turn around and go back when she starts up. “He kissed me.”

“Oh.”

“When we visited last year. And today’s the first day I saw him, but he was with his friends. I said hi, but he didn’t say anything. I asked him if he wanted to come over and have a soda. And then his friends asked who I was.” She stops and turns away from me. “He said no one.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sofi.”

“That’s not the worst part. One of his friends said …” Her voice gets lower and I hear her sniffle. “One of them said to leave the whale alone.”

“Oh, honey.”

“He didn’t even say anything. He just looked at me and then walked away with them.”

“I’m so sorry, Sofi.” I wrap an arm around her, giving her a hug. “Don’t you listen to those boys. You’re right, they’re stupid boys.”

“Yeah,” she says with a whimpering laugh.

“And you know what, don’t worry about them. One day there’s gonna be a boy who’s going to love you and won’t think you’re a whale but think you’re the prettiest girl in the world. And he’ll be right.”

Her arms are still folded, but she looks up at me. An eyebrow raised, she stares at me like I just told her unicorns are real. “Whatever.”

“It’s true.”

Sighing, she shakes her head. “Veronica, girls like us don’t get cute boys.”

She looks back at the water. I have to bite my lip to keep from yelling at her. It’s like listening to myself when I was her age.

“You know, I used to think like you, then I met a hot boy. And guess what?”

“What?”

“I get to kiss a hot boy anytime I want.”

“Psh, yeah right.”

“Rude.” I bump her with my hip. I pull out my phone from my top and wave it at her. “You don’t believe me?”

“Boys like Diego don’t like girls like us.”

“Well, then how do you explain this?” I scroll through some photos of Micah and show her. One of him right after he got home from the gym. There’s another that I took of him when we went out with Cindy and Taylor.

“That doesn’t prove anything. He could be a friend. Or he couldn’t even be a friend, maybe someone sent those to you.”

“Okay, Ms. Smarty Pants.” I scroll to another of us together at the barbecue. “What about this one?”

“Again. Just a friend.”

I scowl down at her as she gives me a confident smirk. “Fine.” I pull up Micah’s number and call him. “I’m calling him.” She continues to stare at me, unconvinced. I put my phone on speaker and smile confidently at her. “You’ll see.”

“Hey, gorgeous,” Micah answers.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“I don’t go into work until later, so I’m just laying around thinking about you. Are you free? Maybe we can talk and—”

“You’re on speaker phone!”

My face burns as he pauses and Sofia looks up at me, confused. He clears his throat before continuing. “Uh, maybe we can … talk about … video games?”

“Dumb boy,” I laugh as Sofia still looks confused. “Hey, I’m standing here with my cousin, Sofia.”

“Oh, okay. What’s up, Sofia?”

“Hi,” she answer and smiles.

“So, we were talking about boys—”

“Boys, huh?”

“Yes. Cute boys, more specifically.”

“Hot boys,” Sofia corrects me.

“Hot boys?” Micah asks. “Sofia, how old are you?”

“Thirteen.”

“Well, young lady, I can’t have you talking about hot boys to my girl.”

She giggles. “Is she really your girl? I don’t believe her.”

“Rude.” I bump her again.

Micah laughs. “Yes, she is.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“Why?”

Micah gets quiet, and I finally scowl at her. “Wow, um, okay. Sofia, you don’t like Vero?”

“I like her. But …” She bites her bottom lip, I think finally realizing what she’s saying.

“I guess she’s wondering what you like about me?” I ask, giving her a smile.

“Oh, that’s easy.” He pauses, and I feel a small pang of nervousness. “She’s incredible. She’s smart and funny, and she’s super nice.”

“But do you like like her? Like, do you think she’s pretty?”

I want to be nervous about his answer, even though I have no reason to be, but I’m more annoyed at her repeated disbelief.

“Yeah, I think she’s pretty. I think Veronica’s beautiful.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” He laughs. “But I have to correct you, I don’t like Veronica.” Her eyes dart to me, giving me an ‘I told you so’ look. “I love her.”

I nudge her shoulder and take the phone off speaker. “Hey, it’s just me.”

“What was that about?”

“I’ll explain it later. Thank you though. And I love you, too.”

“Okay. I wasn’t lying earlier,” he laughs. “I am just laying here.”

“Well, I’m out on the beach, so you might need a cold shower.”

“Fine. I’ll take a shower, it’s not gonna be cold though.”

“Gross. I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Okay, I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I put my phone away and step closer to Sofia. “So, what do you think now? Still think it’s hopeless?”

She shrugs. “I guess not. He sounds nice.”

“He is nice.” A grin creeps across her face. “What?”

“Can you send me that picture of him all sweaty?”

My jaw drops. “Girl, your mom would kill me if you had that pic.”

“I’ll hide it, I promise.”

“In your dreams, Sofi.” I laugh, giving her a hug.

Chapter 21

Micah

One more day until Veronica comes back home. I know a week isn’t a long time, but I feel like we just cemented our relationship before she left. I know there are still more things we can learn about each other, but right before she left I felt like she knew the real me, I knew the real her, and we both were on the same wavelength.

Then we had to hold with boring, elevator music playing in the background. But I plan on picking right back up where we left off. Our next semester is going to be starting soon, and since I’m also working, I want to make sure the last of our free time this summer is ours.

A few days ago, I met up with my dad for lunch. He told me my mom’s upset I haven’t been back over for dinner since Veronica and I were there. So, I’m at the supermarket picking up some garlic bread for dinner, when I call the house.

“Hello?” my mom answers.

“Hey, Ma. Does Dad like the regular garlic bread or the parmesan garlic bread? I can never remember.”

“The regular one. Oh, honey, would you mind picking up something for dessert? I didn’t make any tonight.”

I chuckle as I grab the garlic bread. “That’s a first. Sure, what should I get?”

“You need to tell him, Justine.” I overhear my father in the background.

“Tell me what?” I ask.

“Oh … nothing. Um, walnut brownies.”

“Okay,” I reply, a little confused. “Anything else?”

“Nope, that’s it. See you when you get here, sweetie.”

Before I can say anything else, the phone goes silent. It’s a little weird, but I don’t give it a second thought and check out. The grocery store isn’t far from the house, so I get there quickly, and see a green Kia sitting in the driveway. I don’t recognize the car, but I see both of my parents parked in front of it, so I know they’re home.

Walking through the door, I’m met with the delicious smell of spaghetti. “I’m here. Wow, that smells incredible, Mom,” I call out. “Hey, who’s car is that in the driveway?”

Reaching the kitchen, I stop in my tracks. Lana is leaning against the counter, an embarrassed smile on her face. “It’s my friend’s.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask, setting down the bread and brownies on the counter.

“I invited her,” my mom replies, smiling over the stove.

My eyes narrow and my mouth drops open. “You invited her?”

“Micah, I was just calling in hopes to get in contact with you.”

“I told you not to contact me. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Micah,” my mom scolds me.

“Mom, you too. Seriously, what the hell is going on?”

My dad walks into the kitchen from the door leading to our backyard. As soon as he walks in his eyes meet mine. “Sorry, son.”

“What the— You guys! What the hell? Lana, why are you here?”

She walks over to me. “Micah, I’m sorry. I just wanted to thank you.”

“Micah, calm down,” my mom says. “She’s been through a lot the last few days.”

My eyes widen, and my jaw drops lower. “You told my mom what happened? Lana, we’re not together. As far as me and my family are concerned, you don’t need to talk to us anymore. Ever. Why can’t you understand that?”

Her voice cracks as if she’s crying, but her eyes are dry. “Please, Micah. I just want a chance. Please, can we just talk and let me explain—”

“What the hell?” I yell out. My dad shakes his head, and I want to feel bad or embarrassed. But I don’t. “Mom! Lana! I don’t understand what is happening. Please, someone, try to explain this to me because this is totally insane.”

“Micah, calm down,” my dad finally speaks up.

“Calm down? Mom,” I point to her, “I get it, okay? You liked her. Lana was nice. We went out for a while. You still have our junior homecoming pictures up on the wall, but it’s over. She cheated on me.”

“Micah, please,” Lana says, her voice cracking again. This time she has tears.

“No. No please.” I look at her. “Seriously? What the hell have you told her that she’s so in love with you? That we were going to get married? That you wanted to have her grandkids? What, Lana?”

“Micah, that’s enough,” my dad says.

“No.” I shake my head. “It’s not enough because I’m over all of this.” I look over at my mom, exasperated. “I don’t understand why you’re not getting it. Maybe it’s because you can’t comprehend how it feels to be cheated on. And that’s great. I love you guys, and I know Dad would never do that, but everyone isn’t like that.” I stare at Lana, burrowing my eyes into hers. “Some people suck. Some people break your trust. Sometimes, the people you think you love, end up hooking up with a guy at a party that you both went to. Together. And sometimes, you somehow find it in your heart to try and forgive them and give them another chance, and they do it again.”

Tears stream down her face but her eyes never break away from mine. “I’m sorry,” she finally eeks out, then brushes by me, and out the front door.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Opening them back up, I see my mom in tears. My dad stands next to her, his arm around her as he shakes his head. I stare down at the brownies, an unbelieving chuckle escaping me. Walnut brownies. Lana’s favorite.

Looking back up, I see my mom has her face in my dad’s chest, still crying. “It’ll be okay,” he whispers.

“You guys, why do I feel like the bad guy in this? I don’t get it.”

“Micah, your mom just wants you to be happy.”

“Mom.” I take a step closer, leaning on the counter. “I’m sorry, but you have to realize I am happy. Right now, with Veronica.”

“I know you say that, but I saw the way you and Lana were together.”

I sigh, looking down at the ground. “That’s over. Please. Please understand that I can’t go back to that. I can’t. I was … I was destroyed. Wrecked. You’ll never understand how hurt I was when she did that to me. And then to catch her doing it again? Mom, please, you have to let me deal with this. Deal with it and move on. I’m happier now.”

Tears still cover her cheeks, but she looks over at me and gives me a sympathetic nod.

“I’m gonna go home.”

“No, please, Micah.” My mom wipes her tears, stepping away from my dad. “I’m sorry, but please don’t go. At least stay to eat.”

“No.” I shake my head. “Not tonight. We’ll have dinner another time.”

We stare at each other for a moment, and I still feel like I’m in the wrong for all of this. But it has to stop. And I can’t stay in this house tonight, either. She finally nods, and I turn to leave.

Chapter 22

Veronica

We get back home just as the sun is setting, and Micah is waiting for me. As soon as I see him sitting in the bed of the truck, my heart flutters. I never knew that was a thing, but it is.

Javier chuckles. “Dude must be hard up after a week.”

As soon as he says it, I hear Yesenia giggle in the back.

“Shut up, Javi.” I slap his arm, feeling my face heat up and hoping my parents didn’t hear him in the front of our SUV.

“Javi, shut your face,” Tomás says right after me, but I know it’s not for the same reason.

“That’s disgusting, fool,” Miguel tells him, who chuckles again.

Both Miguel and Javier have seemed to accept that we’re together and Micah isn’t going anywhere, which I’m happy about. But Tomás is a different story. He doesn’t appear to have any particular reason to dislike Micah, other than us dating, but he still hasn’t come around to even being friendly with him. He’s cordial, but I think it’s only because he’s trying to trust me. I appreciate that, I really do. I just wish he’d be a little more friendly when it comes to Micah.

Filing out of the SUV, Micah approaches and shakes my father’s hand and gives my mom a hug. “Did you guys need any help with bags or anything?”

“We’re fine,” my mom answers, smiling.

“We got this,” Javier adds. “You might as well get Vero out of here because she’s practically useless whenever your name comes up. I can’t imagine how she’ll function right now not being with you for a week.” Tomás smacks him in the back of the head. “Hey!”

“Javi!” I scold him, grinding my teeth.

“Would you shut up already?” Miguel says, Tomás nodding to his words.

Micah gives me an unsure look, waiting for my response. “Let me just put my bags away, and we can go.”

“Here, let me help.” He grabs the bags from me, and I usher him through our house, catching Tomás eyeing him.

Taking my bags into my bedroom, Micah puts them in my closet, while I grab my bag with toiletries and extra clothes. “Okay, all set.” I turn around to find Micah in my closet, holding up the babydoll Cindy got me.

His eyes wide, there’s an unbelieving smirk on his face. “Why haven’t I seen you in this?”

My face burns. I hurry toward him, grabbing it out of his hands. “It was a birthday gift from Cindy.”

“Excuse me? You’ve had this thing since your birthday?”

I quickly ball it up. “Yes.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And why haven’t you worn it?”

I gaze down. “I don’t know.”

“Veronica?”

“I just … I wasn’t comfortable enough to wear it before.”

“Before?” He puts a finger under my chin, so my eyes find his. “And now?”

I shrug, giving him a small grin. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

He leans lower, giving me a light kiss on the cheek, before moving his lips to my ear. “Whenever you’re ready.”

And just like that, I’m ready. It’s an odd sensation to feel like you’re on the fence about something and someone can say or do something and instantly, you know. You feel it. With his words, no pressure there, no begging me to try to wear something revealing but leaving it up to me, I know I can wear a T-shirt or lingerie, or a torn up hoody. It doesn’t matter because he’s always going to look at me like he wants me. I pack it up with the rest of my clothes in my bag, and we leave the house.

He has my favorite waiting for me in the truck, chocolate covered pretzels, and I not only giggle in appreciation but swoon at the small act that he’s taken into consideration. It’s just one of many, as we drive through an In-N-Out Burger drive-thru and grab some food, then go to meet up with Cindy. It’s a small thing, but it means a lot that we hang out with her for a little bit before going back to his apartment.

When we finally get to his place, Taylor’s there and welcomes me with a smile and big hug. Then he looks over at Micah. “Should I get my headphones ready?”

“Hey.” I slap him, surprised at my lack of embarrassment for once. “If you keep teasing me, I’m gonna bust in on you and the next girl you have over, claiming you haven’t seen your son in six months and you owe me child support.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

His eyes stay locked on mine for a moment before he looks over at Micah. I look up at him to see him smiling, lifting his hands in innocence.

“Fair enough,” Taylor says. “But if you get too loud, I reserve the right to play the song ‘Bump n’ Grind’, as loud as I can until you quiet down.”

“I’ll accept those terms.”

We shake hands, and Micah stands there, at first looking confused and then starts laughing.

Retreating to our room, I grab a change of clothes and turn to Micah. “Okay, I have to tell you something. I’m going to wear the babydoll, but you might get upset.”

He lifts an eyebrow. “How in the world would I get upset at that?”

“Not at that, but it’s … well …”

“What is it?”

“It’s just that … I’ll wear it, but you’re not going to be able to take advantage of it tonight.”

“Why not?”

Biting my lip, I look away. “I’m not fully functional right now.”

“What do mean?” He squints, a smirk crossing his lips.

“Um … code red?”

“Code red? What are you trying—” His eyes widen, and he lets out a laugh. “Oh.”

Trying to fight off the embarrassment, I grab my things and head to the bathroom to change.

Putting it on, I look myself in the mirror. I don’t look different. I fight the urge to tug at it and try and pull it lower to hide my thighs. It does fit nicely over my chest, so that’s something. I wish I felt confident in it. The dark burgundy color is pretty, and maybe if I was just a little—

No, Veronica. Micah wants to see you in this.

I nervously slide a strand of hair behind my ear, taking one more look at myself in the mirror, before going back into the room. Taylor’s in his room, so I don’t have to worry about being seen by him, but I still hurry to Micah’s door. Getting inside, I stand still nervously, awaiting Micah’s response.

He does a double take. “Wow.”

“Yeah?” I fiddle with my fingers. “I look okay?”

“Veronica, you look amazing. You always look amazing.”

A nervous giggle breaks free, and I walk over to the bed, crawling in, snuggling next to him. He wraps his arm around me, kissing the top of my hair, before grabbing the remote control and turning on the TV. After watching a few episodes, we decide to call it a night.

It’s been a week since we’ve had sex. I remember Cindy’s words, about thinking about it all of the time. She was right. I don’t think I didn’t think about it when I was in Ensenada. Of course, it didn’t help that we messaged and talked at night, too. But it’s true, I do think about it all of the time. Is that normal? I suppose it is, especially if it’s with someone you love. Because as long as I’m thinking about it with him, it’s always going to be on my brain. I giggle at the last thought.

“What?” he asks in the darkness, just the moonlight glowing through the window.

“Nothing,” I answer, rolling my eyes at myself. “Just remembering something Cindy told me.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

I turn from our spooning position, so I’m facing him. “You’re gonna think I’m lame. Or sex crazy.” I pull the blankets up to hide my blushing.

“Sex crazy, huh? Well, now I have to know.”

“She just made this comment about sex. How once you do it, and especially once you like doing it, you want to do it all of the time.” He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Sorry, it’s because I was just thinking we haven’t had sex in over a week.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Does that make me sex crazy?”

He laughs. “No,” he answers before giving me a light kiss. “It makes you Micah crazy.”

“Okay, Mr. Bigshot.” I laugh, poking his chest.

“It’s okay. I’m totally Veronica crazy. Completely insane actually.”

He smiles, and my giggles die out. My hand rests on his chest while our gazes meet. His words plant like someone staking down a claim to land. I’m his and he’s mine. They’re just silly words, but something about them makes them feel more powerful than the first time he told me he loved me.

I study his face, the moonlight shining off his skin, and that slight stubble across his chin. The brown eyes he always says are plain, but I wouldn’t want them any other way. Everything about this, right now, I love. How he’s looking at me, how he’s holding me.

“Goodnight, beautiful.” He caresses my cheek with his thumb, still staring.

“Goodnight.”

He kisses me again. It’s soft and slow like he’s savoring every piece of me. Keeping his face close to mine, his words barely breathe out. “I love you so much.”

It’s like he’s a sculptor and every time he’s told me he loves me, he’s been chipping away at my insecurities. My hands slide away from his chest, and I wrap them around him. My chest pressed against his, the heat from our bodies mixing. This moment, where all we’re doing is holding one another, means more to me than every time we’ve kissed. It means more to me than the times we’ve had sex. This moment, right here and now, where he’s just holding me, I feel more love for him than ever.

“Micah?” I bring a hand to his cheek so he’ll look down to me. “Micah, I’m so in love with you. I never knew it’d feel like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m not myself unless I’m with you. Like not caring whether the sun sets or the moon rises, because if neither one shines on you then I don’t care.” I feel tears falling, but I don’t stop. “Like you’re my air and I’m drowning in life when I’m not with you. I’m being pulled down to the depths of the ocean, and it’s only when I’m with you that I gain the air I need to live again.”

“Don’t cry.” His hand reaches up, brushing away a tear.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He moves lower, so we are face-to-face. “I didn’t either. I thought I knew at one time, but I was completely wrong. You’re not just my life, V. You’re my world. My universe. I’m just the canvas, plain and bare. You’re the paint. You’re the brush. You add everything to my life because without you, I’m a blank sheet of paper. I love you more than I thought I could.”

I giggle, but more tears fall. “Now, you’re making me bawl my eyes out.”

He kisses my forehead. “It’s okay. Cry all of your tears, and I’ll catch them. Laugh out loud, and I’ll save your laughs. Whatever you need, you let me know, V. Anything and everything. Whatever it is, I’ll be here for you. All you have to do is tell me what you need.”

“Only you, Micah. I only need you.”

“Then you have me, Veronica. Forever.”

Chapter 23

Micah

I’m woken up by the buzzing sound of a cellphone. We keep our phones next to the nightstand on my side of the bed, so I reach over and grab my phone, but there’s no call.

“Babe,” I say, groggily. “I think someone’s calling you.”

“What?” She stirs.

“I think …” I grab her phone. “Yeah, it’s your phone. Says unknown.”

“What time is it?”

“Four. Want to answer it?” She shakes her head, and the phone vibrates one more time before going still.

I put it back on the nightstand and nestle closer to her, wrapping my arms around her. The phone goes off again.

“What the?” I grab it once more. It still says ‘Unknown.’ “Want me to answer it?”

“I don’t care,” she says sleepily, burrowing her face into my chest.

I hit ‘Accept.’ “Hello?”

“Hi, I’m so sorry for calling, but is this Veronica?”

“Who is this?”

“Wait, is this Micah?”

“What the hell? Who is this?” Veronica looks at me with the same confused expression I have from the caller.

“Micah! Micah, please don’t hang up. It’s Lana.”

“What? Lana?”

“Micah, please, I’m begging you don’t hang up. Please, I just need—”

I hit end.

“Did you say Lana?” Veronica asks, peeking up at me.

“Did you give her your number?”

“No. Wait, she called me for you or …”

“I don’t know.”

I’m just about to put the phone back when it buzzes again. “Maybe you should find out what she wants.”

“No.” I hit ignore. “I don’t care what she wants. While you were gone, she pulled some crap at my parents’ house.”

“What’d she do?”

“Nothing. Forget it. Come on, let’s just go to sleep.” The phone starts again.

I let out a grumble, sitting up in the bed. “Micah, maybe it’s an emergency. Why would she have my number? How’d she even get it?”

“It’s not an emergency. She just doesn’t get it.” I hit ignore. “Taylor joked I should get a restraining order. Now I’m seriously considering it.”

The phone vibrates.

“Oh my God!” I hit ‘Talk.’ “What the hell do you want?”

“Micah! Please! Please, please, please! Don’t hang up. I’m so sorry, for everything, but I’m in trouble. Please don’t hang up on me.”

“Lana, if this is some stupid shit then I’m—”

“It’s not, I promise. I’m stranded out here.”

“Where?”

“I’m in Carlsbad. Please, my car got a flat, and I’m stranded out here. I’m scared.”

“What the? Jesus, Lana.”

“Abi and I came out to a party, but she left with a guy. I told her I’d be fine to drive and I was.”

“You’re not, I can hear it in your voice. You’re slurring.”

“But I was fine. Then I hit something and my tire’s flat. A guy came by, but he was drunk. He just left and I—” Her voice catches, and a small whimper escapes her. “Please, Micah. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.”

“Damn it.” I take a deep breath. Veronica’s sitting up now, looking at me. “Are you in your car?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, stay in your car. Lock your doors. Don’t open them for anyone.”

“Okay.”

“Gimme a couple minutes. I’ll call you back.”

“Thank you, Micah. Thank you, thank you.”

I toss the phone on the sheets, letting out a deep sigh.

“What’s going on?” Veronica asks.

“She’s out somewhere, sounds drunk or something. She has a flat and is stranded.” I let out another huff. “I’m gonna call Jen. Maybe she’ll go help her.”

“Did you want to—”

“No.” I cut her off. I don’t mean for it to sound harsh, but I’m getting sick and tired of everything that has to do with Lana. I grab my phone and call Jen, hoping she answers her phone.

“Micah?”

“Hey, yeah. Sorry, Jen, I know it’s early.”

“Yeah. What’s going on? Everything okay?”

“I’m not sure. I’m fine, it’s Lana.”

“What?” Her voice drips with apathy.

“Yeah, sorry. She just called me. She’s stuck out Carlsbad. Look, I really hate to ask you, but would you be able to go pick her up?”

“No,” she replies immediately. “I’m sorry, but no. What the hell, Micah? I told her. I told her when she woke up in the hospital she needs to figure out her shit. She’s out of control. Not just with you. She’s partying too much. I don’t care if this makes me a bitch or not, but I’m not helping her. After everything she’s done? No. No way. She made her bed, now she has to lie in it.”

I let out a cynical chuckle. Jen took it almost as hard as I did when Lana cheated on me, so I’m not surprised by how harsh she sounds. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

“Micah, I’m not going to tell you to not help her because I know you. But she needs to figure her shit out.”

“Yeah. I know. Talk to you later.”

I throw my head back, raking my fingers over my face. My second idea is to call Emma, and knowing her, she’d help Lana out, but then I remember she went out of town with Carter. My last thought is asking Taylor, but all he drives is a motorcycle. “Shit,” I groan out.

“Micah, it’s okay.” Veronica rubs my arm. “If you need to go, you should go. I’d hate if something happens to her.”

“That’s just it, V. I don’t need to go. I should just let her figure it out herself. She did this to herself.”

“I know.” She leans her head on my shoulder. “But what if something happened to her?”

“Yeah.” I nod my head and then dial her number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m on my way. Send me the address.”

“I don’t know the address.”

“Damn it, La—” I take a deep breath. “Where are you, Lana? How can I find you?”

Her voice breaks and I can tell she’s crying. “Okay, okay. I’m in a Starbucks parking lot. There’s … there’s a bookstore next to it.”

“A bookstore, okay. Can you see an address?”

“No—” She yelps into the phone. Then I hear her talking to someone. “No. No, I’m fine. My friend’s coming. No, thanks. No.”

“Lana?”

“No. I said, no, he’s on his way.

“Lana!”

“Micah, hurry.”

“Lana, lock your doors. Don’t open them for anyone. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Turn on your location on your phone. I’ll find it. It’s gonna take me an hour to get out there.”

“An hour? Micah, no. Please, ple—”

“Lana, calm down. I’m gonna get out there as fast as I can.

“Okay.” She sniffles. “Thank you.”

“Okay.” I hang up, letting out another deep breath. “Unbelievable.”

Veronica hugs my arm. “Did you want me to come with you?”

“No, stay here. Go back to sleep.” Hugging her, I kiss the side of her head. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being so understanding. I don’t know if I’d do the same thing if your ex was calling.”

She lets out a sleepy laugh and lays back down. “Be careful.”

“I will.” I lean over her, giving her one more kiss before I get out of bed and get dressed.

The freeways are empty as I drive to Carlsbad, which is about an hour from Irvine. Getting her location from the app, I know where the Starbucks is she’s supposed to be waiting at.

When I first left the apartment, I was more upset than worried. But no matter how she’s been acting these last couple of months, I don’t wish any harm on her. The hour it’s taken me to get to her, while I’m still hoping everything is okay, the frustration is setting back in.

As I’m pulling into the parking lot, it’s still dark out, but there’s a small sliver of daylight breaking over the horizon. I park next to her and get out, walking over to her car. Her knees are brought up to her chest as she sits in the driver’s seat, her face between her knees.

I knock on the window lightly. Her head comes up, slowly, like she’s afraid of who’s going to be outside. Peeking over her arm, her eyes meet mine, and she comes alive.

“Micah!” She anxiously grasps at her door handles, swinging the door open so fast I almost don’t get out of the way in time. She throws her arms around me, burying her face into my neck. “Oh, thank God. Micah, thank you. Thank you.”

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” I whisper to her.

She looks up at me with tear-stained cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I was … it was horrible. I didn’t think you’d get here.”

“It’s all right.” She’s holding on to me so tightly I can feel her shaking.

“Do you have a spare tire?” Glancing back at her car, she shakes her head. “What about insurance? Can we call the insurance to tow it?” She doesn’t look at me, instead keeping her eyes low, shaking her head again. “Lana, seriously?”

“It overlapped last month. I was going to see if my parents would help me with it, but then …” She pauses, and I hear a sniffle. “They kicked me out.”

“What?”

“My roommates kicked me out, so I moved back home. After the hospital … Dad said they couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Damn it, Lana.”

“Please don’t be mad at me, Micah. Please, please … I know I’m a screwup. I’ve ruined everything. I don’t know what else to do. That’s why I’m staying with Abigail.”

“Where the hell is she?”

“She took off with some guy that lives close to us.”

“Well, come on,” I pull her along toward my truck. “I’ll take you home. You’ll have to figure out how to get your car towed back though.” She stops walking. “Lana?”

“I don’t have a key.”

I can’t help it. I throw my head back, letting out a disgruntled groan. “Seriously?”

“Abi was going to make me one, but I’ve only been there a few days. I’m sorry.”

I’m so exasperated, I feel like throwing my hands into the air, and yelling out in frustration. “What the hell are we supposed to do then?”

“Can I stay at your place? Just until I can get ahold of Abi. Then she can pick me up.”

I immediately think of Veronica. There’s no way I’m asking her to leave the apartment, but I don’t know how comfortable she’ll be with Lana there, too. However, it’s not like I can just leave her out here, in the middle of nowhere.

“Yeah, I guess I have no choice.”

I don’t realize how callous the words sound until she frowns, looking away. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Come on, let’s go.”

She gets into the truck, and as I step into the driver’s side, I see her rubbing her arms. It’s the first time I realize what she’s wearing. Little, white shorts, and light pink halter top. It doesn’t feel cold out, but then again I’m wearing jeans, a T-shirt, and a hoody.

“Here,” I say, unzipping my sweater and handing it to her.

“Thank you.”

The front seat of my truck has a large armrest that folds between the driver’s side and the passenger. After we’ve been driving on the freeway for about ten minutes, she leans over it and lays her head down over her arms, lifting her feet onto the seat. I remember her doing that in the past when we would drive back from going out to the movies. I try to shake the memory, focusing on the road in front of me.

We finally get back to the apartment, and the sun is now entirely out, shining through my windshield. I tap her shoulder. “We’re here.” She doesn’t move. “Lana, time to wake up.”

She stirs, lifting her head. She looks around the cab, then up at me with heavy eyelids. Grabbing my hand, she pulls it under her face and lays back down. Another thing she used to do. “I’m too tired.”

I wiggle my hand free, tapping her again. “Lana, get up.”

She wipes her eyes with her forearm. “Okay.”

Making our way to the apartment, I open the door and see her heading directly to my room. “Hey,” I say, lowering my voice and grabbing her hand. “Where are you going?”

“I just need to sleep, Micah. Please.”

“You can sleep here. On the couch.”

Her eyes find the sofa, then mine. “I can’t—”

“No. You can’t.”

“But your bed’s so comfortable.”

Gone is her fearful state from when I picked her up. She’s acting playful now, almost flirty. And now I’m over it again.

“I know it is.” I snap. “And my girlfriend’s sleeping in it right now.”

She jerks her head back. Her eyes find mine for only a second, as her cheeks turn red. She looks over at the couch. “Oh. Right.”

“I’ll get you a blanket. Have a seat.”

“Okay,” she replies without looking at me.

I head to my bedroom door and take a deep breath before going inside, opening the door quietly. Veronica’s asleep, snuggled under the blankets. Remembering she’s wearing the lingerie, I’d like nothing more than to just wrap my arms around her and go back to sleep. Letting out a sigh of frustration instead, I go to my closet and grab an extra blanket.

“What are you doing?” Veronica asks, sleepily watching me. “Everything go okay?”

I smile and crawl over to her. “Hey, yeah, everything’s fine.”

She smiles back and opens her arms to me. “Okay, good. I’m glad your back. I didn’t like sleeping here alone.”

“I know, baby.” I kiss her cheek. “Um, so … just to let you know, Lana’s outside.”

Her eyes pop open, and she sits up, wrapping the blankets around herself. “What?”

I cringe, showing her the blanket. “Yeah, I guess she got kicked out or something. She’s staying with a friend but doesn’t have a key to the place yet.”

“Oh.”

“She isn’t going to be here long. We’re just waiting for her to get ahold of her roommate, so she can come and pick her up.”

“Uh, should I leave?”

“No.” I lean closer, wrapping my arms around her. “Absolutely not. I don’t want you to leave. You can meet her if you want or whatever, I don’t know. But don’t leave. This is your place, Veronica. Our place. She just had nowhere else to go.”

“Yeah, but … it feels weird.”

Bringing my hands up, I cup her face. “Vero, please don’t leave. I want you here. Just let me give her these blankets, and I’ll come back in, and we’ll go to sleep.”

“I … I don’t know.”

“Please?” I press my lips to hers, hoping to calm whatever fear she’s having, but I know it’s not working. She kisses me back, but it’s a standard reply. Nothing that tells me she’s okay. Still holding her face, I wait for an answer. She finally nods with a struggling smile.

Walking back into the living room, I find Lana hunched over on the couch, her phone to her ear, whispering loudly. “No. I know, Mom, but I don’t know what else to do. No, that’s the only credit card I have. I know this is my fault, okay? I know. But if you’d just give me a little— Hello? Hello? Mom?”

Pulling her phone away, she stares at the screen. I hear her sniff, and she squeezes her phone. I’ve never seen her like this.

When we were in school, and even after, she was always the life of the party. Her parents are both realtors, and she’s always been well off. They provided her with anything and everything. Multiple credits cards. A new car on her sixteenth birthday, and then traded that one in to get an even newer one when she graduated high school. But now she’s in shambles.

“Hey,” I say quietly.

Her head snaps to me, quickly raising a hand to her face, wiping away tears. “Hey,” she replies with a raspy tone.

“Here you go.” I hand her the blanket.

“Thank you.”

I wait there, unsure if I should say something, attempt to console her, or try and figure out why she seems to be spiraling out of control. But I also know Veronica’s waiting for me on the other side of my door and if I’m choosing anyone’s feelings over another’s, it’s Veronica’s. “Try to get some sleep, okay?”

“Yeah,” she says with an unconvinced chuckle, wiping away more tears.

I head back to my room, finding Veronica up and in jeans and a T-shirt. Shutting the door behind me, I hurry over to her. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna go.”

“Veronica, please. Don’t go.”

“No.” She shakes her head, rolling up the babydoll and putting it into her backpack, before zipping it up. “I think I should. I just feel too awkward.”

“Please,” I whisper to her, wrapping my arms around her. “Don’t put that on yourself. I want you here. With me.”

She wraps her arms around me. “I know, but she’s right outside. I don’t … I can’t just ignore that. It’s too weird.”

“Okay, fine. Let me take her to my parents. My mom seems to be in love with her anyways.”

“What’s that mean?”

“That’s right, I haven’t told you. I’ll tell you when I get back. Please, just let me get her out of here, and you stay. I don’t care if I have to drop her off on Jen’s front door. I will.”

She lets out a small giggle that puts me at ease, but only partly, because she shakes her head. “No, I already texted Cindy. She’s on her way.”

“What?”

“Yeah. It’s fine, Micah, really.”

“It’s not fine. You’re not the one who should be leaving. You’re not the one who should be feeling uncomfortable.”

As soon as I say that her phone chimes. “Cindy’s here.”

I let out a long sigh, bringing my forehead down against her, still holding her. “I’ll walk you out.”

When we walk out of the room, Lana’s head is on the armrest of the couch, and she looks over. She immediately sits up as she sees Veronica walking out. “Oh, hi.”

“Hi.” Veronica gives her a quick wave and heads to the door.

“I’m Lana.”

“I know.” She motions to herself before reaching the front door. “Veronica.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lana calls out.

“Yeah, nice to meet you, too,” Veronica replies as she walks out of the apartment.

I trail behind her and see Cindy in the parking lot. She seems confused but gives us both a tired, yawning wave. Walking over to the passenger side, Veronica opens the door.

“Vero, I really wish you’d stay.”

“I know,” she says, setting her bag down before turning to me. “But it’s too weird. I’m sorry.”

I lean down to her, wrapping her in a hug. I don’t know what else to say to try and keep her feelings at ease, so I go to kiss her. I want her to realize that she has nothing to worry about when it comes to Lana. But as my lips meet hers, I bring my hand up to her cheek, and she pulls away. It’s quick. Fast. As if even kissing me, outside, far away from the apartment, is still too weird for her.

She takes a seat in the car, and I shut the door behind her. “Text me later today.”

“Okay. I will.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she replies. Then Cindy drives away.

Walking back into the apartment, I find Lana sitting up on the couch, the blanket wrapped around her.

She turns to me as I shut the door. “So, that was her?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s cute, Micah.”

I’m on my way to my room when I stop and look at her. It’s not that she calls her cute, or even that she’s giving her a compliment. It’s the fact that she’s so flippant about it when the entire time I’ve been going out with Veronica she’s been begging me to get back with her. So I stop and look her dead in the eye. “No, she’s not cute. She’s perfect.”

She stares at me, slowly nodding, before looking away.

“Get some sleep, Lana,” I add before heading to my room and closing the door.

Chapter 24

Veronica

Cindy grumbled in between yawns as she drove us back to her house. She asked what happened, if me and Micah got in a fight, or if I was sick. I didn’t want to answer her. The knot was already starting to form in the pit of my stomach, knowing I made a mistake. Why would I leave? I genuinely don’t think anything would happen between Micah and Lana, but there’s a tiny grain of doubt. I could say that Tim cheated on me, so why wouldn’t Micah? But that isn’t it.

I left our place. As much as I stay over, that’s my room. Our room. Then Lana shows up, and I just walk out, acting like I shouldn’t be there. She’s the one who shouldn’t be there. But even the little indignation that rattles around in my mind isn’t enough to quell my insecurities.

I know Lana. We weren’t friends in high school, and I never spoke a word to her while I saw her around my first semester on campus, but I know her. She’s gorgeous. Everything I’m not. And she dated Micah. Micah loved her at one time. She obviously loved him, and in some way, shape, or form, still does. And she had him. First.

“Lana’s in the apartment,” I finally squeak out, as she pulls into her driveway.

“Excuse me?” She parks the car, turning it off.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I answer her, getting out of the car and walking straight to her front door.

She scurries behind me, and I hear her keys jingling in her hand. “Don’t want to talk about it? Tough shit, girl, because we are so talking about it.”

“Cindy, please.” I stare at her front door, while she stands next to me. I’m waiting for her to unlock it, but she continues to stand there, and I can feel her eyes on me. “Can you open the door please?”

“V, why did you leave? What is wrong with you? You have every right to be there right now making her feel uncomfortable, not the other way around.”

“It’s his ex-girlfriend.”

“Exactly. Ex being the main component there. I have half a mind to drag you to the car and take you back.”

“Cindy—”

“No. This is important. You can’t just run off like that. Micah loves you. You should flaunt it in front of that skank, making out with him while she watches. She’s the loser who cheated on him, and now he’s with you. If I were you—”

“But you’re not me.”

“Yes, but if I was—”

“But you’re not!” I scream, finally looking at her. It seems like she wants to say something, but closes her mouth as she sees the tears roll down my cheeks. “Okay? You’re skinny. And petite. And she’s hot and tall and thin and everything I’m not. You want me to tell you why I left? Because I can’t compete with that and I don’t care what you say, because I know Micah isn’t comparing me. I know that, okay? But that doesn’t stop my brain from knowing she’s everything I’ll never be. Oh, and the icing on the cake? She’s slept with him. How am I supposed to suppress all of that crap with her right outside of the room I’m sleeping in?”

She doesn’t say anything. I swallow the lump in my throat, clenching my eyes shut, feeling more tears fall.

By all other accounts, it is a beautiful morning. I feel the warm sunrise on my back, the summer air’s crisp, and I even hear some birds chirping in the trees in her front yard. But I still want to get inside of her house, go directly to her room and throw her blankets over me, blocking out the world.

“Can you just open the door? Please?” I ask, keeping my eyes shut.

I feel her hand run over mine, giving it a squeeze. “Sure.”

* * *

There’s a slight tap on my forehead. Squeezing my eyes shut, I brush away whatever’s there, pulling my blankets up higher. I always loved Cindy’s bed. Her parents are both doctors—her mom a pediatrician and her father a cardiologist—and if I knew nothing else, I know they splurged when it came to her bed. The comforter is soft, and her pillows are like clouds. Her sheets feel so soft and silky, and are twelve-hundred thread count. I know because one night when I stayed over, she wouldn’t shut up about it.

I feel another tap, but this time it’s on my cheek. I brush my hand across my face, yawning as I do. Another tap. This one feels like something hits my eyelid.

Cracking my eyes open, I see Cindy sitting in a chair at her desk, her feet kicked up on it, crossed. She reaches into a box and then throws something at me. I shut my eyes, feeling it bounce off of my nose.

“What are you doing?” I ask, opening my eyes once again to see what she threw at me on the comforter. “Is that a Cheerio?”

“Honey nut,” she answers, reaching into the box and grabbing another one.

“Why are you throwing them at me?”

“Two reasons,” she says, throwing a piece of cereal at me again, this one hitting my hair. “One, you’ve been asleep for five hours. It’s noon, so you need to get up.”

“And the second?”

She pauses, taking a deep breath. Closing the cereal box, she looks back at me. “I get it, V. I really do. And I’m not trying to be a bitch here, but I’m still mad at you.” I pull the comforter over my face. “That is your man. You shouldn’t have left, no matter how insecure you feel. He loves you. You know he does.”

“Yeah.”

“Then?”

“I don’t know!” Bringing the blankets back down, my eyes find hers. “I wish I could explain to you exactly how this works, but I can’t. Unless you’ve lived it, then I don’t think you’ll ever get it.”

“Get it? Are you serious? Veronica, I’m five-foot-nothing, one-hundred pounds soaking wet, with breasts guys have to squint to see.”

I giggle. “Yeah, but you got the whole ‘hot Asian’ thing going on.”

“Ugh, don’t even get me started on that. Do you know how annoying it is for people to constantly ask if I’m from China? Not only is it racist, it’s ignorant. I’m half-Korean! And my mom’s not even an immigrant, she was born in Seattle!” I giggle again, this time a little harder. “I’ve got a white dad, but all of my genes seem to come from my mom. I know what it’s like to be insecure about things.”

“But you’re skinny.”

She throws her head back. “You’re never going to get over that, are you?”

“Cindy, it’s just so difficult when it’s been my whole life. I was the chubby girl growing up. We met in seventh grade, but I’ve always been the big girl. They called me roly-poly in third grade.”

“But what about Micah?” She rolls her chair over to the bed, leaning closer. “You told me he never asks about taking your shirt off.”

I giggle, thinking about last night. “I actually wore the babydoll last night.”

“And?”

Pulling the blankets higher, I smile at the memory. “He loved it.”

“You see! He thinks you’re beautiful. Why don’t you believe him?”

“I do believe him. It’s just …”

I take a deep breath. Finally sitting up, the blankets still wrapped around me, I can’t meet her eyes. “When I’m with him, when it’s only us, I believe him. I know he sees me for me and I love it. I love him. But it’s like a light switch. When it’s just us, it’s like there’s no one else. We have our own little world in the dark. Then I have to turn the lights on. I have to get up and head back into the world where I’ve never been pretty enough. I’ve never been skinny enough. There are two worlds that I have to live in, Cindy.

“How am I supposed to deal with that? I can’t just live in the world I have with Micah because as great as that might seem, then I’d just be obsessed with him. But I can’t depend solely on him. I have to live, too. And by living my own life, I have to be in this world. The same place where Tim cheated on me, acted like it was my fault, and said I was too big to ever make a move on. So even when Micah tells me he loves me, I still feel like I’ll never be good enough.”

She’s quiet. I feel the prick of tears, but I force them back. I don’t want to cry again because I know this isn’t anyone’s fault but my own for feeling like this.

Cindy gets out of her chair and comes over to the bed, wrapping her arms around me. “I love you, V. I’ll help you as much as I can to get over this. I will. But you have to be the one to commit. I can say all of the positive things in the world about you, and you can laugh and nod and agree all you want, but in the end, if you don’t truly feel it, then you’re always gonna feel like you’re not good enough for someone. But you are.”

“I know.”

“No. You don’t.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Okay, Dr. Cindy.”

“Hey, you know I’m going to school for family psychology.”

“Yeah. You gonna be my shrink?”

She pulls back to look at me, but still keeps her arms around me. “Yeah. You’ll be my first patient. Don’t worry, I’ll give you a discount.”

Chapter 25

Micah

It’s been three days since Veronica’s slept over. Today will be the fourth.

We’ve talked on the phone, and sent a few text messages, but that’s it. When I asked her later that day if she was coming back, she said she should stay home, since they’d just returned home from their trip. Okay, I can understand that.

The second day, she said she was busy. She’s helping Tomás out with paperwork for their father’s company. I wish I knew if it was because of the incident with Lana. I told her Lana left the apartment a few hours later, but it didn’t seem to help. Yesterday, she had plans with Cindy and Izzy. They wanted to hang out before we all start getting too busy with the new semester. Taylor wants a final beach party this weekend, so I told Veronica, and she finally said she’d come.

“Hey, Micah,” Clare calls out, as I reorganize a set of weights.

It’s a slow day at the gym and Clare is a new hire. It’s her third day. She usually works the front desk and answers the phone. One of the reasons Taylor wants to have a party is because he’s already eyeing her. I told him it’s not a good idea to go out with someone we work with, but he just shrugged it off.

“What’s up, Clare?”

“Um, there’s a girl at the front desk asking for you?”

“Oh, yeah?” I perk up, raising my eyebrows and smiling.

I asked if Veronica wanted to come over tonight or at least have lunch on my lunch break, but I hadn’t heard anything back from her yet. She must’ve surprised me.

Clare nods with a grin. “Is that your girlfriend? Veronica?”

I start to head to the front of the gym but look back at her with a puzzled expression. I don’t remember telling her about Veronica.

“Sorry, Taylor was talking to me yesterday. Said you’re crazy for settling down already. But she’s gorgeous.”

I let out a laugh. “Taylor would say something like that. But yeah, she is gorgeous. Thank you. Speaking of Taylor, though, you gonna make the beach party this weekend?”

“Yeah.” She nods in excitement.

“Cool.”

I walk through the frosted glass doors separating the front desk area and the gym, eager to see Veronica, but the excitement deflates. It’s Lana.

My words come out harsh and fast. “What the hell are you doing here?”

She doesn’t respond to my tone, nor my demeanor. Ignoring both, she walks closer and grabs my arm, smiling. “I just wanted to thank you again.”

“Fine. You’re welcome. Now leave.”

My eyes twitch over toward Clare, who looks nervous. She turns and walks back toward the frosted doors and into the gym area.

“Don’t do that,” Lana reprimands me, still holding my arm.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t act like a jerk, Micah. That’s not you. You’re not an asshole.”

I yank my arm away from her, then quickly brush by her toward the front doors. “You’re right, I’m not. Except when it comes to you. And do you want to know why? Because you made me like this, Lana. You did this. Are you happy with the monster you created, Dr. Frankenstein?”

I push open the front doors, motioning with my hand for her to leave. I’m expecting her to put up an argument or act like a grumpy three-year-old and throw a tantrum—I’ve seen it before—but she doesn’t do either of those things. Instead, she nods slowly, letting out a sigh, and walks toward the door.

Stopping at the entrance, she raises a hand to my cheek, her blue eyes striking mine. “I’m sorry, Micah. I’ll apologize every day if I have to.”

“You don’t have to, Lana. Because it won’t make any difference. You could apologize twenty-four hours a day, every day for the rest of your life, and it still wouldn’t make any difference.”

“Please …” Her voice cracks, but I don’t know if she’s crying or not, because she leans closer, wrapping her arms around me, burying her face in my neck.

“There are no pleases. Not anymore. Do you remember what I said the first time? After I caught you at the party?” I feel her nod. “It felt like you broke me. You broke my trust. I put myself back together, and I don’t know why, but I gave you another chance. And you did it again. Only this time, my trust didn’t just break, it obliterated. And if I’m perfectly honest, I’m still trying to pick up those shattered pieces.”

“But I can change. I promise you, I can change.”

“I don’t care, Lana. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I don’t care if you become Mother Teresa. How am I supposed to trust you now? I can’t. It’s impossible. You chased me in high school, and it was flattering. It really was. I was this geeky, art kid, and you were a bombshell. You still are. But then you messed up. I was over it. And you know what you did? You chased me again. And I fell for it. Again.”

“Fell for it?” She finally looks up, and I see the tears running down her cheeks. “It wasn’t a game, Micah.”

“But it was.” All of my hate and hurt are draining out. I raise up my hand, wiping away her tears. I remember holding her face like I am now, kissing her and feeling like I didn’t need anything else. Now I know I need something else. I need someone else. “You might have not thought it was or realized it. But if you think about it, if you really think about it, you’ll see it’s always been a game to you, Lana. You like the chase. You want to prove it to yourself.”

“That’s not true.”

I honestly can’t believe what I’m about to say, but I know I have to. She might not see it, but I knew her back then. I know her now. I know exactly what’s she’s like.

“Really?” I take a deep breath. “That guy I caught you with at Matt’s—” I stop, forcing myself to get through this. “When I caught you … tell me, had he already helped you out?”

Her eyes fall away, her face dejected.

“See? You got what you wanted? I bet you even chased him that night.”

“Micah, I really was drunk that night. We took—”

“I don’t care.” Another deep breath. She’s making me relive all of these memories, but maybe if I can get through to her, she’ll see. “You weren’t drunk on your birthday, were you?”

She looks away. “No.”

“And that idiot, he never knew what hit him, did he? Do you even remember his name?”

“Kevin. He …” Her tears are falling, but for the first time, it’s not over me. I think she’s starting to see. “He had a girlfriend. I hit on him when she went to the bathroom.”

“Jesus, Lana.”

She stands in front of me, her hands pressed to my chest, silent tears falling. For a moment, I think I’ve finally gotten through to her. Then, she wipes her tears away, her gaze locking back on mine. “But I know I was wrong, Micah. That’s what I’m trying to prove to you. I messed up, but I won’t mess up anymore. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want you.”

I can’t yell or scream or even sigh in frustration. Instead, I chuckle. I actually chuckle because I seriously can’t believe she thinks she can fix what she broke.

“I’m going to do whatever it takes, Micah. I can’t live without you. I know that now. I screwed up, but I’m going to make this right.” Raising a hand to my cheek, she offers me the faintest smile. “I will.”

“Micah?”

Looking behind the door I’m in front of, I turn and see Veronica. She’s holding what looks like two drinks and a large paper bag. Lunch. Her eyes find mine, before floating over to Lana. Her face drops and then she spins on her heels, walking away.

“Shit.” I push Lana away and run over to her. “Veronica, hold on.”

“No, it’s fine,” she calls back. “Whatever.”

“What? What’s fine? Veronica, wait.” I finally get in front of her. “Would you just please stop?”

“Micah, I can’t do this.” Her words tremble.

I grab the sodas and bag from her, setting them on the ground, and then wrap my arms around her. She keeps her arms up, pressed against my chest, a barrier between us. “Please, that wasn’t anything. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“You say that, but …”

I bring my hands to her face. “Vero, that was nothing. She showed up again, trying to apologize. Please, this entire week, ever since I picked her up, everything’s felt off. Please, Vero, talk to me. That was nothing, okay? I love you, you know I do. What’s going on?” She shakes her head. “Please, Veronica, talk to me.”

“I—” Her words cut off. “I … I can’t.”

She finally drops her arms, wrapping them around me, and I pull her closer. I don’t see Lana anywhere. I’m not sure how much she saw or heard, but I don’t care. Keeping my arms around her, I gently kiss her hair. Taylor pops his head out of the door, looking over at me. He silently asks if everything is okay, but I honestly have no idea.

Chapter 26

Veronica

I stare at my water bottle, fighting the thoughts that have been warring in my mind the last couple of days since catching Micah with Lana—

No, that’s not what happened. I keep thinking of it as catching them, but when I do, it makes it sound so much worse. I know he was trying to get rid of her. I know she keeps showing up, begging for him to give her another chance, and he keeps rejecting her. I know all of these things.

But when I saw him standing there with her, he wasn’t mad. They weren’t kissing, but they were close. She was close enough that she could’ve kissed him. Would he have kissed her back?

“Ugh!” I groan in disgust at myself.

“You okay?” Cindy asks, perking an eyebrow over the sunglasses she’s wearing as we stroll along the boardwalk.

She wanted to come early and check out some of the shops before the beach party. I was hoping that it would take my mind off of everything that happened, but it hasn’t. I wish I had Miguel’s car again, then I could make up some excuse and just leave. That was the only good thing about that day, having a car and not having to wait for someone to pick me up. We talked a little more—or I should say he talked—ate our lunch, and then I left with nothing being resolved.

“I don’t know,” I answer her, as we walk into a store.

“You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?”

She doesn’t wait for me to answer, as she strides forward, rummaging through a rack of clothes.

“I can’ help it,” I admit. “It’s like … I see it. Her. She had her hands on him, and he wasn’t yelling. I mean, he seemed upset, but he was just there. It almost looked like she was going to kiss him and he was enjoying it.”

“V,” she groans out, finally looking over at me with an annoyed face. “Stop that. You know he wouldn’t do that.”

“Of course I know that, but my brain keeps coming up with all these asinine thoughts. Then it drifts back to them being together. Then of them being together together.”

“Gross!” She walks over, swatting my arm, and starts to scour another rack of clothes. “Stop thinking that, what’s wrong with you?”

“I can’t help it. I—” I stop and look around, lowering my voice. “I was a virgin, and he wasn’t. She was his first. I don’t want to think about it. God, I seriously don’t want to think about it, but my stupid brain keeps defaulting back to that, wondering if—”

I stop and stare aimlessly at a shirt I’ve picked up. I twirl the price tag in my fingers, wishing I had stopped while I was ahead, because I know she’s going to prod and get the rest of my thoughts out of me. And I hate these thoughts.

“What?” she asks. I don’t answer, continuing to stare at the shirt. She stops moving. I can feel her eyes on me. “What is it, Veronica?”

“I think about that, and then … I can’t stop myself from wondering … if he liked it better with her than with me.”

“Oh my God,” she hisses loudly, slapping my arm.

“Ow!”

“You deserve that!” She scans the area.

There are a few people in the store, a clerk behind the register, but it isn’t busy. Cindy is not one to mince words, and I’ve learned firsthand that she has no problem airing things out publicly, so I know she’s gone into total serious-mode, as she steps closer, lowering her voice.

“Veronica, you have to stop thinking that. Seriously, I can’t believe you. Why on Earth would you even compare if Micah liked having sex better with Lana then with you? It’s insane. People have pasts, V. You can’t blame him for not being a virgin.”

“I know, I know.”

“Then why in the hell would you compare that with someone else?”

“Because it’s what I do! I don’t want to think about it. As soon as it happens, I try to push it out of my head. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to her, but it’s what I’ve always done. I’m not tall enough or thin enough or whatever.”

She wraps her arm around me, giving me a hug. “Whenever you think stupid stuff like that, think about me instead, okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re five-two and taller than me. You’ve got bigger boobs than me. And you’ve got a totally hot guy that loves you, while I’ve got hold and cold Jackson, who I can’t even get to return my calls sometimes.” She smiles, and I let out a small laugh. “Compare yourself to me, and you’ll be thinking you’re a ten in no time. And just so we’re clear, you’ll be right.”

“Thanks.” I hug her tightly.

“You’re welcome.” She turns around, grabbing a couple shirts off the racks. “I’m gonna try these on.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go grab a smoothie, want one?”

“Sure. Blueberry peach, please.” She grins widely then turns around and heads off to the fitting room.

Stepping outside, I take a deep breath of the ocean air, and walk next door to the smoothie shop, trying to calm myself. Why can’t I just get over this stupid insecurity? Micah’s never given me a reason to be this self-conscious. Then again, he’s not the reason I’m this timorous to begin with.

“Veronica?”

Glancing behind myself as I open the door, I find Tim standing there. “Hey.”

He scans the area before looking back at me. “Hey. What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I answer, motioning toward the shop. “Just getting a couple drinks. Cindy’s next door, trying on some clothes.”

“Oh.” He looks over his shoulder. “At least she’s not out here, or else she’d bite my head off.”

“You deserve it,” I reply, bluntly.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he almost seems embarrassed. Almost like he’s ashamed. “Yeah. You’re right. I totally deserve it.”

His admission catches me off-guard. When we went out, he was kind enough, but looking back at it, he had this arrogance about him. I thought it was just confidence at the time. But it was more than that. He was cocky.

He has a right to be a little cocky. He’s tall, maybe an inch shorter than Micah. His pitch black hair is a bit shaggy, causing it to hang over his forehead, but it’s short enough that it doesn’t hit his dark blue eyes. Cute dimples in both cheeks when he smiles, which always comes off as a confident smirk. He didn’t have a reputation in high school, but I wasn’t the only girl who noticed him. So when he asked me out I was over the moon, but confused. I knew what I was. I’m the big girl. And he played sports and hung out with some of the most popular guys in school. I was smitten.

“Hey, can I buy your drinks?”

“What?” I stare at him, confused. “Why?”

“Honestly, I’ve wanted to talk to you. I thought about calling or texting, but I figured you’d ignore them.”

“You’re right. I would.”

“Yeah,” he says, letting out a chuckle. “Please, V?”

“Why? What do you want? What you did was … it was …” I’m not sure what words to use. I know what he did was arrogant and humiliating, and pathetic. But none of those words seem big enough.

“It was bullshit,” he answers for me. Again, I’m taken aback by his honesty. “Seriously, Veronica. Complete and utter bullshit. Please, just give me five minutes.”

I stare at him, as he waits for my answer. Any trace of smugness or superiority is vacant. He seems … sincere. “Okay. Five minutes.”

He follows me inside, and I place my order, fully intending to pay for it. He speaks up from behind, asking the girl at the counter for a drink himself, then pays for them. I give him a courteous nod, but don’t say anything. If he wants to pay for our drinks, fine.

After we get them, he asks where I want to sit. There are a few open tables inside of the shop, but I feel weird about sitting alone with him inside. A couple tables are set up outside, near the door, so I point them out, and we take a seat.

Taking a sip of my drink, still unsure what he’s going to say, I wait for him to speak up but he stays quiet. After putting the straw through his lid, he nervously picks at the straw wrapper, biting his lip.

“Did you want to talk or …” I finally speak up.

“Yeah,” he replies. “Um … you look good.”

My eyebrows perk up, and I laugh. I actually laugh. “Are you serious?”

“What? You do. Did you lose some weight?”

“Wow, you’re a dickhead, you know that?” I slap my hands down on the table and slide out of the chair.

“Wait, no. No, I’m sorry.” He stands up, grabbing my hand. “Shit. I didn’t mean it like … whatever. This is all coming out wrong, and you have no reason to think I’m being real with you right now, but I wasn’t taking a shot at you or anything. I was sincere.” He lets go of my hand and waves at the table. “I’m sorry. Please, just give me a chance to explain some stuff.”

Taking a seat, he looks back up at me. I want to head next door and tell Cindy he’s out here. She’d probably flip out and verbally attack him. And he deserves it. But he does seem like he’s trying to be empathetic. I don’t remember him like this. Maybe if I listen to whatever he has to say, I might get some closure myself. It’s with that thought, I decide to return to my seat.

“Thank you,” he says, smiling.

“Seriously, Tim. I don’t know what this is, but if you’re just going to try and throw something in my face, namely my weight, I’m telling you right now I’ve had a pretty lousy week. I can’t guarantee I won’t dump our smoothies all over you.”

He lets out a laugh. “V, I really didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. No, I’m not trying to throw anything in your face.” I give him a quick nod. “You’ve had a bad week? Everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” I answer, then let out a sigh. “Micah and I— Wait, no.” I shake my head, narrowing my eyes at him. “No, I’m not discussing my life with you. You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“Right.” He nods and starts fidgeting with the straw wrapper again. “Okay, well, remember that girl you saw me with at the mall a while back?”

“Yeah.”

“So, that was Lacey. And you have no idea how hard I had to work to explain what happened at the mall, and how Cindy tore me a new one.”

I scoff. “Seriously, Tim? I’m not apologizing for what Cindy said. You deserved that. You deserved a whole lot more than that, even though I was embarrassed she said it.”

“No, you’re right. I did. Sorry, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”

“Then just say it already.”

“She cheated on me.”

He stares at me, letting the words hang in the air.

People walk by, talking and laughing. A couple is walking a golden retriever. Everyone seems to be having a great time, on a beautiful day for the beach. And at first, I want to laugh. I know I shouldn’t, but what goes around comes around, you know? But the way he stares at me—the way his eyes meet mine for a moment longer, before he averts his gaze, looking back down at the table—I can tell he’s hurt.

“Sorry,” I say. I feel like I should reach out to him, but I don’t.

“Thanks. Yeah, it sucked.”

“You think?” I blurt out. He finally meets my eyes again, and now I have to look away. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I’m not telling you this for pity. I really liked her. Since it happened, and I know this doesn’t take away from anything that I’ve done or said in the past, but since it happened, I’ve thought about you. A lot. I was an ass in high school. An absolute piece of trash for what I did, and especially for what I said. I was so caught up with trying to act like some player, trying to hookup with girls and act like I’m better at it than some of the guys, I didn’t realize just what I was doing. And when this happened? I know it’s way late, but I’m so sorry, Veronica. I’m sorry for cheating on you and especially for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I was just a douchebag, trying to justify why I did what I did. But there’s no justification for it. I screwed up, and I’m so sorry.”

I don’t know how to respond. I stare at him, first trying to discern if he’s telling me the truth. Then I’m trying to come to grips with the fact that he’s apologizing for what he did and that he didn’t mean his words. A final thought enters, wondering just how many people cheat on their partners. I mean, seriously. What the hell is wrong with people?

I don’t realize that I’m just sitting there, staring at him, until he clears his throat. “Veronica, did you hear me?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I heard you,” I answer. “I just … I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Thanks for hearing me out.”

“Right.” I sit there, staring at him still. “Thanks, I guess.”

He laughs. “You’re welcome. Thank you for not dumping smoothies on me.” A quietness settles around us, a slight uneasy silence again, so I grab the drinks and get up.

“Well, I guess I should be getting back.”

He stands up. “Yeah, okay.”

“Thanks again for the drinks.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s the least I can do.”

I nod, and I’m just about to turn around when he motions forward, wrapping an arm around me. “I really am sorry, Veronica.”

“Oh … okay.”

It’s a weird sensation. I remember holding hands with him and making out. Then he did what he did, and I wanted to slap him every time I saw or thought of him. I don’t feel comfortable enough with him anymore to embrace him, but he’s so apologetic right now, that I feel like I should. The weird sensation is trumped with sheer panic, as I hear Micah’s voice.

“What the hell?”

I turn around to see Micah staring daggers at him and Cindy looking at me with pure confusion.

“Micah? What are you doing here?”

His eyes finally meet mine, staring at me in puzzlement. “Here? At the beach? Where I invited my girlfriend to a beach party? I don’t know, Veronica. What am I doing here?”

Walking over to them, I give Cindy her drink as her jaw hangs open. “No, sorry. Yeah, I know that. Um, this is—”

I wave back at Tim, but Micah cuts off my words. “I know who this is. What the hell are you doing?” he asks him.

“I was just talking to her, man. Chill out.”

“Chill out?” he scoffs. “You chill the fuck out.”

“Micah!” I scold him.

I’ve never seen him like this. Not just angry, but jealous. I understand what it might have looked like, and he knows who Tim is and what he did, but he’s not even giving me the chance to explain. This isn’t like Lana, who’s been showing up left and right, giving me legitimate cause for concern.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he responds, sounding anything but apologetic. “Am I not supposed to be pissed off when I catch my girlfriend and her asshole of an ex-boyfriend, who cheated on you by the way, hugging each other?”

“We weren’t hugging each other,” Tim says.

“Tim, don’t.” I put a hand up to him, still staring at Micah. “No, you’re not supposed to be mad, Micah. You’re supposed to ask me what’s going on because I’ve never done anything to break your trust. And you sure as hell shouldn’t throw the fact that some asshole cheated on me in my face. So no, you’re not supposed to be pissed off. You’re supposed to trust me.”

I shove my drink into Cindy’s hands and storm off down the boardwalk.

Chapter 27

Micah

Veronica hurries past me. I just stand there, still staring at Tim. Besides knowing about him from Veronica, I know who he is from school. He stares back at me, giving me a confused expression.

“Way to go, man,” he says shaking his head.

“Shut the hell up.”

“She ignored me, and I had to beg her to just let me talk to her, all under threat of being doused by her drinks, and you basically just accused her of cheating on you. Nice job.”

I want to punch him, but not because I saw him hugging her. Because he’s right.

“Shit,” I hiss under my breath and turn around to find Veronica. She’s walking down the boardwalk, far enough along that I can barely make her out.

“Micah, go,” Cindy tells me.

Her words are the push I need to break away from this stupid jealousy and start to run. Weaving around people, I catch up to her, as she continues to walk briskly.

“Veronica, wait.” I pull at her arm.

“Just leave me alone.” She yanks it free, continuing forward.

“Please! I’m sorry, okay?” I get in front of her, stopping her motion. “I’m a jackass.”

“Yes, you are.” She folds her arms, staring at the ground. “Do you know how much that hurt, Micah? As if I don’t know what he did, then you throw it in my face.”

“I know, I don’t know why I said that. Damn it, I’m sorry, Vero.” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close, but she keeps her arms up. “I wasn’t thinking. I just saw him with his arms around you, and I thought—”

“I know what you thought.” She looks up at me like I’m crazy. “Micah, I would never do that. I’ve never given you any reason to think that.”

“I was just shocked. I saw him and you and …” I kiss the top of her head, still holding her, willing her to hold me, or at least drop her arms. “What’s going on, Veronica?” I ask softly. “This entire week things have felt off.”

“I know,” she answers, finally putting her arms around me.

Moving us off to the side instead of standing in the middle of the boardwalk with everyone around us, I lean against a cement partial, keeping her close. The waves break behind us, kids are playing in the sand, and music floats out of neighboring stores. We should be enjoying ourselves. Laughing in the sand or water, only worried about our upcoming classes. Instead, it feels like there’s a dark cloud hovering above us.

She’s right though. She hasn’t given me any reason to believe she’d cheat on me. So why am I still so jealous of Tim?

“You know I would never do that either, right?” I ask her. “You don’t have anything to worry about with Lana.” I’m not sure if I’m saying it to calm her fears or my own.

I wait patiently, hoping she finally lets me in. Ever since the night she told me how much she loved me, I thought we crossed a point in our relationship where we knew one another, inside and out. But since then things have also felt crooked. Like a schism has torn through us and I have no idea what to do.

“I … I just feel …” She takes a deep breath. She’s finally going to talk to me. Maybe we can finally move past whatever wall is being built up. “I feel like—”

“Hey, guys,” Cindy cuts off her words, jogging over to us. “I told Tim to get the hell out of here.”

I give her a thankful nod, but can’t help tensing up as Veronica looks over at her and shakes her head.

“Cindy, you didn’t have to do that. We weren’t doing anything.”

I don’t say anything because I’m not sure what to say, but I feel angry and jealous again. Why the hell is she defending that asshole? “Taylor and a few others have a spot picked out on the sand.”

“I don’t know.” She finally looks up at me. “I’m not really up to hanging out on the beach anymore.”

“Please?” I lean down closer, kissing her forehead.

“Yeah, come on, V,” Cindy adds. “It’ll be fun.”

She pauses, taking a deep breath. Looking up at me, there’s a timidity in her eyes I haven’t seen since the first night she slept over. “No, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I squeeze her hand, trying to sound as understanding as I can. “Did you want to go back to my place?”

“I don’t know.” I fight back a frown from her words. “Maybe you can drop me off at home, and I’ll pick up Miguel’s car. He’s been letting me use it.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind taking you.”

“Yeah, I think that’d be better.”

Better? Better for who? I swallow the words and nod, trying to smile, but it’s barely a smirk. “Okay.”

After she gives Cindy a hug, we head to the parking lot. The drive to her house is anything but comfortable. I turn on the music low, hoping something will cut the tension that seems to be building, but it doesn’t help. She stares out of the window as I drive down the highway. I reach over, giving her hand a squeeze, offering her another smile. She smiles back, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

My thoughts drift back to what she was going to say right before Cindy showed up. Something about how she feels. Does she doubt us? Me? I thought we were on such solid ground a week ago, but now I don’t know. And why would she even give her ex the time of day, much less let him hug her? Unless—

No, Micah. Get your head out of your ass.

I pull up to her house, parking on the street, and turn down the radio. She doesn’t move. She just stares out of the window. I reach for her hand again, pulling it to my lips, and kiss her fingers.

“You’re still coming over, right?”

“I don’t know,” she answers, shaking her head. “Maybe I should just stay home.”

“Veronica, please.” I move closer to her, hoping she’ll do the same. She doesn’t. “Can we just try and get to where we were? Or at least tell me what you were going to say?”

She finally scoots closer, wrapping her hands around my arm, laying her head on my shoulder, nodding. “I’ll come over. I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“It’s okay, baby. Just know you can talk to me.”

“I know,” she whispers and then sniffles. Reaching for the door handle, she plants a quick kiss on my cheek, then steps out the truck. “I’ll grab some clothes, and I’ll be over in a little bit.”

“Okay.”

I watch her get out, giving me a quick wave, and then she heads into her home. I wish I knew what was going on, but more importantly, I’m hoping whatever it is means we aren’t over before we even got a chance to start.

Chapter 28

Veronica

Walking into my house, I quickly pass Miguel, yelling out, “Miguel, it’s okay if I use your car again, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” he calls back from our dining room. I’m hoping to grab my clothes and head over to Micah’s before any of my brothers see me because I’m pretty sure I look like I’ve been crying.

I was so close to telling Micah how I feel before Cindy came over to us. I wasn’t sure what he’d say or how he’d react, because how do you tell someone you love that you don’t think you’re good enough for them? And even thinking that it just makes me feel pathetic. Shallow. Because all I’m basing that on is appearances. And he’s never, not once, told me I need to or even should change.

Maybe if can I can get it out and in the open, I can digest and work through it, and not feel like every other girl out there would be a better fit for him, only because I don’t like the way I look.

It was on the tip of my tongue, but once the moment passed, all of my reservations returned and I don’t want to think about it, much less tell him. I’m already fighting the urge of not going over to his place. Fighting the thoughts of texting him and telling him I’m going to stay home. But I don’t want to do that. I need to work past this. And that’s only going to happen if I remain comfortable around him. Who knows, maybe I’ll find the courage to tell him tonight, and I can finally start to work past my insecurities.

“Hey, Yessi is making tamales tonight with Mamá,” Tomás calls out, following me to my room. “I was going to text you. I thought you were hanging out at the beach.”

“No,” I answer, grabbing my bag and heading to my closet. “I mean, I was, but we changed our minds. I’ll just be at Micah’s.”

“Invite him over.”

“What?” His invite makes me pause. I turn and stare at him because he still hasn’t been very receptive to Micah. “Really?”

He shrugs. “Yeah. It seems like he isn’t going anywhere, so I guess I better try and—” His words cut off. Turning his head to the side, he narrows his eyes, staring at me. “Were you crying?”

“Oh, no.” I quickly turn around, grabbing a shirt.

“Your eyes are red.”

“It’s nothing.” Zipping my bag, I try to rush past him, but he blocks my doorway.

“Vero, what happened?”

“It’s nothing, Toto.”

“Then why were you crying?”

“Who’s crying?” Javier asks and walks over to my door.

“No one.” I grind my teeth at Tomás. “I’m fine.”

“Vero, if you don’t tell me what happened, I’ll have to make assumptions which are only going to lead me to want to punch Micah.”

“It wasn’t Micah, okay?”

“Then what happened?” he asks.

I’d do anything to get out of this situation, but it makes it that much more difficult because now Miguel is standing behind them, staring at me.

“You guys, stop it. I’m fine. Tim was—”

“That’s it,” Miguel interrupts me, “I’m taking that fool out.”

“No!” I shout, and they continue to stare at me. “He didn’t do anything. It’s just … it’s complicated, okay? Micah thought I was cheating on him when he saw us hugging.”

“You were hugging that prick?” Javier shouts.

“So this is about Micah.” Tomás eyes me suspiciously.

“Okay, okay. Enough,” Yesenia calls out to the boys and shoulders her way through them. “You,” she points at Javier. “You were supposed to go to the market for me, remember?” Javier stares at her a moment, before looking back at me. “Now.” She moves his chin. “Go.”

“Fine, fine.” He shakes his head, but backs away and leaves.

“And you,” she pushes Miguel in the chest with a stiff finger, “keys.”

“I’m not giving her my keys now.”

“Keys!” she shouts at him. He grumbles but reaches into his pocket, pulling out his keys, handing them to her. “Thank you.”

Muttering under his breath, Miguel turns and walks away, and Yesenia stands in front of Tomás, her back to me. He hasn’t broken eye contact with me yet. “Tomás, I need your help in the kitchen.”

“With what?” he asks, still staring.

“The masa is drying out.”

“My mom knows how—”

“No,” she cuts him off and puts a hand to his cheek. He finally breaks his gaze with me and looks down at her. “I need your help.” He rolls his eyes, but nods, and walks away. She turns around and gives me a smile. “Boys.”

“Yeah, especially when they’re your brothers.”

She dangles Miguel’s keys in front of me. When I reach for them, she quickly wraps her fingers around them, not letting go. “Everything okay, Vero?”

Cindy and Izzy have always been like the sisters I’ve never had, but we’re all the same age. When Yesenia came into our lives, she became like a big sister to me. She’s two years older than Tomás, another joke Miguel liked to make early on when they started dating, calling Yesenia a cougar.

I drop my head, looking down at my fingers, playing with my cuticles. “Yeah … everything’s fine.”

“Really?”

Lifting my gaze back up to hers, I muster up a smile and hope it seems authentic. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Okay,” she says with an endearing smile, handing me the keys. As I start to take them, she places them in my palm but wraps her fingers around my hand. “Just remember, I’m here. Okay? Your brothers love you, but I know they’re boys. If you need anything or just want to talk, just let me know.”

“All right,” I say, offering her another smile. This one feels more genuine. “Thank you.”

Walking out of the house, I can feel Miguel and Tomás’ eyes on me, but I try to ignore them. As I get into Miguel’s Honda Civic, I still feel like hiding away in my room, telling Micah I can’t come over, but if I stay my brothers will no doubt keep hounding me all night.

I’m hoping once I get to the apartment, the worries will have quieted and the rest of our day can have some semblance of what we’re used to. Unfortunately, nothing like that happens because as soon as I walk in, I see the couch. It doesn’t look any different than it has any other day I’ve been here, but it’s the last place I saw Lana.

“I got some tacos on the way home,” Micah says, breaking through my thoughts. “You hungry?”

“Um, okay.” I head to the kitchen, trying to ignore the couch and feeling stupid that I’m letting my thoughts run away with me again.

We eat on said couch, and I continuously inspect it, as if I’m going to find some trace of her here. He asks how I am and we both give each other a nervous smile at the awkward question since we just came from the beach.

“I think I’m just gonna go lay down.” I motion to the bedroom.

“Really?” He frowns for a moment before pulling out his phone. “It’s only six o’clock.”

I nod. “Yeah, I know. I think I’ll just watch something or read.”

“Oh, okay.” He stands up from the couch, picking up the wrappers. “I’ll throw this stuff away and clean up, and I’ll be right there.”

“I can help.” I move to grab my cup, but he gets to it before me.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

“All right,” I say, looking around, still feeling out of place.

Taking a deep breath, I get up from the couch and head to the room. I don’t know if he’s expecting something tonight, but I didn’t bring anything enticing, or even cute for that matter. A baggy pink shirt that hangs off my shoulder and the shorts I usually wear is my usual, and I grab them, heading to the bathroom to change.

Undressing, I stare at myself in the mirror. My fingers run over my stomach, and I push my index finger in a little. He’s never seen me completely naked. His hands have been everywhere. So have his lips. But just me, bare to him with nothing else on, he’s never seen. And that won’t be changing tonight.

I lean in closer to the mirror, bringing both hands up, and pressing them into my cheeks. Chubby. Pudgy. Whatever you want to call it, it’s fat. And even if I’ve lost some weight, my face still looks the same. My cute, little chubby cheeks, I remember Mamá telling me all those years ago. But I don’t want to be cute and chubby. Lana isn’t cute and she damn sure isn’t chubby. I want to be sexy for Micah. He’s called me that, but looking in the mirror, I don’t see it.

I have to tell him. It’s the only way to get over this. He needs to know why I’m shying away so much. I’m not sure what will happen once he knows, but at least he’ll understand why I’m acting like I am.

Pulling the shirt over my head, I take a deep breath, resolving to finally let him know. When I open the door, Micah’s standing there, bobbing slightly from side to side.

“Sorry, babe.” He whisks by me. “I really gotta pee.” He laughs before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. He starts to close the door but stops midway. “I think I’m gonna take a shower real quick, is that cool? You done in here?”

“Oh, yeah,” I answer with a nod and a smile.

“Cool.” He shuts the door.

Okay, that felt normal. Maybe this will be okay. He can take a shower, I can turn on the TV, and calm down a little. When he comes out, we can talk this out because this needs to get talked out. I need to fix this. I desperately want to get back to that spot I was a week ago, in his arms, feeling warm and loved. Feeling like I was enough for him, instead of these insane feelings like I’ll never be good enough.

I switch on the TV and browse for a show to watch, all the while mentally preparing myself for our conversation. But when he opens the door, everything I wanted to say gets tossed aside. All of my insecurities form a brick wall, blocking the words. Micah’s as much of the problem as anything. And I hate myself for even thinking that right now.

He’s in low hanging shorts; his light caramel skin still shimmers from the shower, as he dries his hair. A few beads of water slide down his chest, over his stomach, and before this week I’d want to tackle him where he stands. But now, a lump of inhibition sits inside. It’s not just Lana and every other girl that look so much better than me, it’s Micah, too.

He’s gorgeous. Why in the world would he be with me when Lana’s still throwing herself at him? He gave her a second chance before, how long will it be until he thinks he should give her a third chance? Or what of the other million women out there, taller and skinnier than me? I know Tim apologized today and said he was wrong, but that doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Whether he was just competing with guys or not, he did it. And he did it because I didn’t look as good as the other girl. How long will Micah be able to hold out?

“Did you find something to watch?” he asks, kneeling on the bed, wrapping the towel around his neck.

“Oh, um, yeah.” I look away, hitting the remote control.

The description screen pops up, and Micah raises his eyebrow, staring at the screen. “Real Housewives?”

“Oh, wrong one.” I try to hide my embarrassment with a laugh and back out to the menu, finding a different show, then press play.

I feel him staring at me a moment longer, but don’t dare make eye contact. Any normalcy we had in that split-second, briefly passing each other in front of the bathroom, is gone. My guard is back up, and I don’t know if he’s looking at me, but I feel like he’s doing nothing but trying to decipher what’s going on in my head. Letting out a sigh, I sink deeper into the bed and stare straight ahead. He throws the towel off to the side, wraps his arm around me, but doesn’t say a word. And that’s how we spend the rest of the night.

Chapter 29

Micah

For the first time in a week, I wake up and smile. I love waking up to Veronica in the morning. The smile starts to fade because I know something’s wrong. I thought we’d talk about it last night, but she never said more than a few words at a time. I don’t want to push her though. I’m not sure what’s going on, and after yesterday, my fears of her cheating aren’t going away.

I wasn’t afraid of that at first. Sure, I suppressed those thoughts from time to time, but there was no real reason to think that. Because like Veronica herself said, she’s never given me a reason not to trust her.

Then I saw her with Tim.

It wasn’t that I saw them talking, it was how they were. His arms around her, and was she hugging him back? I can’t even remember.

I remember heading down the boardwalk to meet up with Taylor first and then I was going to text the girls. But when I saw Cindy in a store, I went in, thinking I’d find Veronica there, too. She wasn’t. Cindy said she went next door to grab some drinks and so I waited for her to buy her clothes, and we’d head next door together.

Instantly alarm bells went off. It was happening again.

But I fought it. No. She wouldn’t do that. I have no reason to suspect that. And then she started to defend him. She actually defended that asshole and then got mad at me for being jealous, before storming away.

After I dropped her off, I called Taylor, feeling utterly lost. Even though he loves to play the field, I know he’s had a serious relationship. I know what it meant to him. I called him, hoping to just get it off my chest and calm down, but it just made me freak out more.

I started off the conversation blurting out that I caught her and Tim together and instead of seeming mad, she looked like she actually liked it. Like she was enjoying talking to him. It didn’t matter what she said, my assumptions were already forming.

“She’s cheating on me, right? I mean, that’s the only option,” I blurted out to Taylor.

“Whoa, dude. Calm down. There’s no way she’d do that.”

“Yeah,” I responded. “But what if? What if she’s been playing me this whole time?”

“Are you hearing yourself, Micah? Veronica wouldn’t do that. What you saw was just them talking. Granted, I don’t know why she’d give that piece of shit the time of day, but that’s it. They were just talking.”

“Then why has she been acting strange this whole week?”

“Because of Lana.”

“That was just one time, Taylor. And I begged her to stay that morning, I begged. But she left. Was she trying to give me an opening or something? Thinking if I cheated, then she could justify whatever she’s doing or has done or is going to do? Maybe it’s all catching up to her now, and she’s just freaking out or feeling bad, because she knows what it’s like to be cheated on, and she knows it’s already happened to me. Maybe she—”

“Dude, dude! Calm down. You’re turning into a conspiracy theorist. She’s not cheating on you. If you want to know why she’s been acting weird, then you need to ask her. But seriously, Micah, get your head right because there’s no way in hell Veronica is cheating on you.”

We ended the call, but it didn’t help. When she came over, I wanted to ask her point blank if that was the case. And then I saw her. She’s incredible. I love her dark curls or those large, chestnut eyes. And even if the smile doesn’t seem real, it still gets me.

No answers were given through the night. We talked a little, ate our dinner, and then just laid in bed, watching TV. I wanted to bring it up, but I didn’t want to fight. She fell asleep, and as she did, it was the first time in forever where it felt like we were normal. She snuggled closer to me, wrapping her arm around me. I turned off the television and fell asleep, hoping this week has just been a horrible nightmare.

I run my hand along her arm, taking in a deep breath of her scent. I wish we could stay like this for the rest of the day, but I have work in a couple of hours.

She stifles a yawn, her back pressing against my chest, and I wrap my arms around her again. “Morning,” I whisper in her ear.

“Mmm,” she replies, making me laugh.

I slide my hand over her stomach, moving it lower toward her underwear. “You know, the last time we were in bed together, you said you were experiencing technical difficulties.” My hand glides under the edge of her panties. “I take it, you’re running at full capacity now.” I chuckle at my joke.

She doesn’t laugh. I feel her tense up, and her hand runs over mine, stopping it from moving. “Well, I am, but …”

Lifting myself on an elbow, I lean in closer to her. “But what?”

She looks back at me, over her shoulder. “Nothing, I just … I’m tired, Micah.”

She’s tired? We haven’t had sex in two weeks.

“Veronica, last time you slept over you were giggling about thinking you’re sex-obsessed. Now you’re tired?”

Turning on her side to face me, she frowns, narrowing her eyes. “Yes, Micah. I’m sorry, okay?”

“You don’t need to be sorry. I just wish I knew what was going on.”

She scoffs. “I just told you. Sorry if your boner can’t accept that.”

Well, this escalated quickly. “Seriously? I don’t care if we have sex right now, okay? But you’re obviously going through something, and I wish I knew what it was. I thought we’d talk about it last night, but we didn’t. So fine, whatever. And now I just want to feel something with you other than this chasm of uncomfortableness, and you’re biting my head off. What the hell is going on?”

“Fine!” She pushes me onto my back, straddling me. Running her hands over my stomach, she stops them at my shorts. “Is this what you want, Micah?”

“What the—” My jaw drops. “No, it’s not. But you know what?” I throw my hands behind my head, lacing the fingers, and stare up at the ceiling. “If this is something you need, fine. Have at it.”

“Ugh!” She groans, pushing me in the stomach, before rolling off and laying with her back to me.

She sniffles, wrapping her hands around herself. Damn it. Everything is off, and it’s only getting worse.

I roll over to her, wrapping my arms around her. I wish she’d give me some signal that she at least still wants to be with me. That she even wants to be here right now. But she lays there, wrapping her arms around herself tighter. Another sniffle escapes.

“Vero, please tell me what’s wrong. What’s happening here?” I whisper to her, softly kissing her shoulder. “Baby, what am I doing wrong?”

Her head shakes from side to side. “Nothing. You’re not doing anything wrong, Micah. It’s me.”

I clench my eyes shut. It’s true. She’s cheating on me. “Just tell me, Vero. Just say it.”

A quiet cry slips out, and she brushes away tears. I hold her tighter, afraid this is going to be the last time I ever get to do this.

“I … I can’t,” she whispers. Scooting away, she slides off the bed, getting to her feet. “I should go. You have to go to work soon.”

Hurrying to the edge of the bed, I throw my arms around her waist and bury my head in her.

“Are you—” The words cut off. I can’t say it. Damn it, I need to know and can’t stand to know at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, bending over and kissing the top of my head. Prying my hands from around her she backs up slowly, grabbing her bag, and walks out of the room.

* * *

“You look like shit,” Taylor says to me as I lean against the front desk.

It’s been a slow day at the gym, which helps because I’m sure I do. I’ve been here for nearly three hours, and haven’t answered phones, swept, or mopped, or even checked the schedule for any personal trainers that come in that have appointments with clients—a new responsibility they’ve given me. Thankfully, Taylor’s supervising today, so at least he’s cutting me some slack. But it’s not the first time he’s mentioned how horrible I look.

“Good,” I grumble, doodling on a piece of paper on the counter. “That means I look exactly how I feel.”

I haven’t bothered to check my phone because I know she hasn’t texted me. What I don’t know is if this morning was the last time I’ll ever have her that close. And as much as I wish I knew whether or not she is cheating, I still want to see her again. I want to hold her and kiss her. Shit. I thought it hurt when I caught Lana cheating on me. Once I know this is for real, I don’t know how I’ll be able to function.

“Still Awkward City, huh?”

“That’s putting it mildly.” I shake my head. “We didn’t talk all night, and this morning we got in an argument. I was going to ask her point-blank if she’s cheating on me, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get the words out.”

He lets out a long sigh, slapping my shoulder. “Sorry, that sucks. I will say, I still think you’re crazy.”

I continue to doodle, not bothering to reply.

Two girls walk by, leaving the gym. “Later, Taylor,” one calls out, giving him the ‘Call me tonight, because I desperately need you’ smirk.

“Later, Katie.”

“Shit,” I grumble, wagging my head before dropping it between my shoulders. “Why the hell can’t I just be like you, man?”

He lets out a loud laugh that’s part humor part apathetic. “Shut the hell up, Micah. You and I both know that’s never been you.”

“Yeah. Sucks to be me.”

He laughs again. “Dude, get the hell out of here.”

Looking behind us, I find the clock on the wall, seeing I still have a couple of hours left on my shift. “I’m not off until four.”

“Yeah, well, we’re slow. And you’re not gonna do us any good if someone comes in trying to sign up for a membership and sees you. Exercising is supposed to produce endorphins, bro. Not make you depressed.”

“Fine.”

“You’re supposed to meet up with your dad, right?”

“Yeah, I am.” I pull out my phone, a tiny piece of me hoping to find a missed call or text message, but there aren’t any new notifications. “I’ll call him, see if he wants to meet up early.”

* * *

I’m sitting in the diner, impatiently waiting for my dad to show up. We were supposed to meet up in a couple more hours for an early dinner since my mom is out with my aunt and grandmother.

Spinning the glass of water in front of me, Debbie walks by. “I can get your order started for you if you want, Micah.”

“No thanks, Deb. I don’t think I’m ordering anything.”

She frowns, then eyes the glass of water. I haven’t touched it.

“You feeling okay, hun?”

I shrug, playing with the straw in the glass. “I don’t know. This week’s been kind of shitty.”

Offering my a small smile, I nod back at her and see my father walking in.

“Hey, Micah. Thanks for bailing me out of the office.” I twist my head slightly. “We’re working on this design for Winston’s Tires, but the owner is being a huge pain. He keeps going back and forth between designs we’ve made over the last two weeks. We’ll decide on one, and then he’ll change his mind. Then he wants to add or take things off. I knew we should’ve never taken this account, but you know Billy.” He chuckles, taking a drink of his water. “Billy knows best, my ass.”

It’s a running joke we have between ourselves and Billy, one of the designers in his office. Years ago, a local landscape company wanted a design for a billboard. Dad thought there should be a cactus on the design. Billy said palm trees. When they called the landscape company, the owner decided on the palm trees. Ever since then, whenever a decision on a design, or in the case of Winston Tire’s, comes into play—Dad didn’t want to take the account, but Billy says they’re expanding and it’d be a great pickup—Billy always proudly smiles, lording it over my dad with the phrase, “Billy knows best. Billy is wise, and Billy is all-knowing.” It’s actually quite comical to see them go back and forth like brothers.

Today? Nothing.

Laughing at his joke, he stops and quirks an eyebrow at me. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” I continue to twirl the straw around. “Things are … weird.”

“Weird how? With Taylor?”

I shake my head. “Veronica.”

“What happened?”

Before I can answer, Debbie walks back over. “The usual for you, Jacob?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Debbie.”

She scribbles quickly on her pad and walks away, my father giving her a smile. Returning his gaze to me, his smile vanishes.

“Micah, what’s wrong? Are you guys pregnant?” he asks bluntly, but softly.

“What?” I gape. “No, nothing like that.”

“Oh, thank God.” He wipes imaginary sweat from his forehead. “Your mother wants grandkids, but I don’t think she wants them just yet.”

“Nice, Dad,” I retort, sounding more upset than I should.

“Did you guys get in a fight?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, gazing at my glass of water again.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“It’s like I said, it’s been weird.”

Other than Taylor, my dad is my best friend. Some people might find it weird with how open I am with him, but we’ve always been like that. Even going back to grade school. He’ll ask me something, and I’ll reply honestly.

Take the pregnancy question, for example. Other parents might have beaten around the bush with that. Made it uncomfortable or wouldn’t know how to broach the topic. But he just came right out and asked me.

I don’t talk about my sex life, but I have no problem talking about mature matters with him. “It’s felt off this last week. She’s felt off.”

“How so?”

“After she returned from Mexico I felt like we’d crossed a point in our relationship. When she got back, she stayed over. Everything about that night felt perfect. And then, the very next day, it shifted.”

“Isn’t that when Lana was over?”

I texted my dad later that day, asking him how I should’ve handled it. I thought I did everything right. Maybe I didn’t. “Yeah, but Veronica said it was fine. Lana left a couple hours later. I begged V to stay that morning, she just said it felt too weird with Lana there.”

“Have you tried talking to her?”

I let out a deep breath. “I’ve tried, I have, but … I can’t get the words out.”

“Son, you guys need to talk. You two seemed really happy the times I’ve seen you together. But if you can’t talk to one another, then that’s just going to build up a wall. This could be nothing. However, you’ll never know that unless you guys are honest with one another. Even silence can get lost in translation.”

“I can’t.”

He pauses, and I still have my eyes on the table, but I can feel his on me. After a moment longer, he finally speaks up. “Why not?”

“Because I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what, son?”

“I’m afraid …” He waits patiently, but I don’t want to say these thoughts out loud. Every time I say them, it makes it feel like it’s the truth. He reaches over and grabs hold of my arm, giving it a squeeze. My voice drops lower. “I’m afraid she’s cheating on me.”

He’s quiet. He waits there, and just as it looks like he’s going to talk, Debbie walks by. “Here’s your order.”

“Thanks.” He looks over at her. “Um, do you think we could get this to go. You can bring us the check, too.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he replies with a smile.

I’m staring directly at him, but I can feel Debbie’s sympathetic gaze on me. She picks the plate back up and walks away.

“Why would you think that, Micah?” he asks.

“It’s the only thing I can think of. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“But you said she’s just acting weird. That could mean anything.”

Taylor’s words rattle in my head, telling me I’m paranoid. “I know. Taylor said the same thing. What else could have her acting like this? I don’t think I’ve done anything to push her away. And remember when I caught Lana cheating on me? I told you she was acting funny.”

“Lana’s a funny girl though. Veronica is not.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means Lana acting funny could mean she was drunk. Don’t act like you didn’t have her sleep off a couple nights in your room back in high school.”

“You knew about that?”

“Micah.” He looks at me like he just caught me stealing cookies out of a cookie jar. I haven’t done that in years. “Of course, we knew about that.”

“We? Mom knew, too?” Again, he gives me the same expression. “Wait, but she loves Lana. Even knowing those things, and that she cheated on me, she still wants me back with her?”

“People make mistakes, Micah.”

“Oh, God.” I fall face forward onto the table. “Don’t you get on that bandwagon now.”

“It’s the truth. But we aren’t talking about Lana. I know you said she was acting weird, and I know what ended up happening. But this is Veronica. She’s the complete opposite of Lana. I’d have a hard time believing Veronica would do anything like that.”

“Then what, Dad?” My voice gets louder than I mean for it to, and I glance around the diner, but no one is paying attention.

“I don’t know, Micah,” he answers, sternly. “It could be anything. Or it could be nothing. That’s why you two need to talk. Maybe she just needs assurance from you.”

“Assurance? Dad, we’ve exchanged the I love yous. She knows how I feel. And I thought I knew how she felt.”

“Why, because you told her you loved her?”

I give him a pointed stare. “Well, yeah.”

“Micah,” he lets out a disbelieving chuckle, “telling someone you love them, and showing them are two separate things.”

I gaze at him, confused. “Uh, I hope you don’t mean …”

“No,” he chuckles. “Why would she know you love her, other than your words and your guys’ time together?”

I stare again, only this time all I can do is blink. I have no idea how to answer this question. I thought my words were enough. I mean, her words were enough for me. Or were they? If they were, would I be sitting here right now, thinking she’s cheating on me?

“I had to prove to your mom that I loved her,” he says, and suddenly gets quiet. As he’s taking another drink of his water, Debbie comes back to the table, setting down the check and his box of food before walking away. “Sometimes, you have to prove your love because of circumstances,” he says, aimlessly staring at his water. Finally looking back up, his eyes meet mine. “And sometimes, you have to prove it to each other. It sounds like you two need a serious talk with one another. Get it all out. And maybe show her you love her, instead of just telling her.”

Biting my lip, I know what he’s telling me, but I have no clue how to do that. Either of those things. I could barely get the words out this morning.

“I’m gonna pay for this and get going,” he says, getting up from the table. As he does, his keys drop to the ground. “Your mom’s going to kill me if I lose these things again. My keychain broke last week, and I lost our house key.” He chuckles, before giving my shoulder a squeeze. “Let me know how it goes, Micah.”

Continuing to look down at the spot where his keys dropped, an idea forms.

I hate it when Veronica has to wait outside of the apartment. Especially when I’m home but in the shower, and she’s waiting outside all alone. Taylor actually brought it up once, but I didn’t think much of it. Maybe if I did something like getting her a key, it’d show I’m serious. That whatever her fears are surrounding us, she doesn’t have anything to worry about.

Taking out my phone, I decide to call her. She answers, but her voice sounds timid. “Hey.”

“Hey,” I reply, trying to sound sure and confident. “What are you doing?”

“Um, not much. Helping my mom with dinner.”

“Okay, so …” Deep breaths, Micah. “I was hoping you might come over tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Her voice is almost painfully unsure. “Yeah, I guess I can.”

I wish she’d sound surer than that, but I’ll take it. “Okay, great. I’ll have your favorites, and maybe we can cook up some fettuccini alfredo.”

“Sure.” She still sounds reluctant.

“I can pick you up if you want. I work all day but get off around five.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay. Cindy and I were actually going to go to the campus bookstore. Plus, I’m helping Toto with more paperwork.”

Damn. “Okay, no problem. So then I’ll see you around five?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Great.” I hope my smile doesn’t sound as fake as it feels. “Talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”

“Uh, yeah. Love you, too.”

At least she said it. Tomorrow we’re finishing whatever this is. Come hell or high water, I’m going to talk to her. Tell her my concerns. Figure out what is going on with us. And I’ll give her a key to the place. Show her I’m serious about us. I really do want her there twenty-four-seven, so hopefully after talking and dinner, and the key, we’ll have this settled. Hopefully.

Chapter 30

Veronica

Cindy walks into my room in her usual chipper mood. “What’s up, love?”

“Hey,” I answer as I keep scrolling through my phone.

“Why did Tomás say to get you out of the house when I walked up?”

Dropping my phone, I throw my head back. “He’s paranoid. He thinks because I’ve been quiet the last couple of days that there’s something wrong. Plus, he thinks me and Micah are fighting.”

“Are you and Micah fighting?”

“No,” I answer quickly, shaking my head, but look away.

“Then what’s going on?”

“I …” Trailing off, I let out a sigh. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“Look, I know what you said, okay? I know, and I’m trying. I really am. Honestly, I thought I had some of these feelings worked out after our Ensenada trip. But they’re still there. And then with Lana seeming to wedge her way back into his life, I don’t know how long I can keep thinking he’ll stay with me when they have a history.”

“Yeah, a history of her cheating on him.”

“I know, but he went back with her once already. Why wouldn’t he do it again?”

Reaching over, she gives my leg a squeeze. “Because he’s with you, V. That’s why.”

“He thinks there’s something wrong. That I’m hiding something from him.”

“Well, you kind of are.”

“I know, but I just can’t get the words out. Because I don’t want to feel them. I don’t want to believe them. But a part of me still does. And I don’t know how long I’ll be that way. Maybe I’ll always feel not good enough.”

She sits on my bed quietly, while I stare at my phone, wishing I could feel like I did that one night in his arms. Like the world doesn’t matter. But it does matter because when we aren’t together, I’m out in the world, and I see everyone that Micah could be with. Not that he will or even that he wants to, but that he could be with. And that alone is enough to let my insecurities wash over me.

“Maybe we should take a break.”

My eyes find hers again. She doesn’t look like she wants to argue. It actually seems like she’s accepting what I’m saying. “If that’s what you want.”

“It’s not, but … I don’t know what else to do. I want to be with him, but I can’t fight how I feel all of the time. It’s so draining.”

“Give it until the semester starts.”

“Why?”

“Because, right now it’s just you two, all day, all of the time. Maybe when classes start again, you might not feel like this. I’m taking you over to his place later, right? I think you should talk tonight. Like, really talk. It’s gonna suck and probably be weird. But, V, you need to tell him how you feel. Because if he believes you’re hiding something, maybe he thinks you’re not really into him anymore like he is with you.”

I can’t help the scoff that escapes me. “That’d be the day. He likes me but thinks I’m the one that could do better.”

“What other reason would he have for how you’re acting? He’s probably assuming that or something along those lines.”

Swinging my legs off the bed, I stare at my phone again. The wallpaper on my lock-screen is of Micah and me in bed. I took a couple selfies of us smiling, but the last one, he turned his head quickly, and I snapped the picture as he was kissing my cheek. It’s one of my favorites, but I’ve debated taking it off my phone. Because even though I love it, more and more I stare at myself as he’s kissing me. Why is he kissing me? Doesn’t he see that double chin I have there? His hand is covering my stomach. It’s on top of the shirt I’m wearing, but doesn’t he feel how flabby I am? I wish I could look at the picture how I did when I first took it, feeling the butterflies inside, but I can’t. I just stare at it, unsure.

Switching my phone off, I slip my shoes back on. “I doubt it. Anyway, let’s go.”

* * *

“This is so stupid,” Cindy laments, pulling out a book from a shelf. I’m on the other side, looking through the books, as we peruse the store. “What kind of professor assigns a book that we can’t get on Amazon? I’m already paying a fortune for my physics books.”

“Oh, hey. Cindy,” someone says behind her.

Peeking through the books, I see a gorgeous girl with light brown hair, a little curlier than mine. She easily hovers over Cindy by half a foot.

“Hey, Julie.” Cindy turns around to face the girl.

“Trying to beat the masses, too, huh?” Julie chuckles.

Cindy responds, and I’m about to go about my business, browsing another shelf, when Julie’s voice lowers.

“Hey, you know Taylor, right?” she asks.

“Yeah.”

“What about his roommate, Micah?”

“Yeah, I know him. What’s up?”

Moving down a few feet, I quietly watch her look around, then lean closer to Cindy. Taking in more of her—or as much as I can between books and shelves—I see she’s on the thinner side. My first guess is that she works out, too, and the assumption is confirmed when she responds to Cindy.

“I see him at the gym all of the time. Had a class with him last semester, too.”

“Okay?” Cindy peers over her shoulder, looking at me. I shake my head, hoping she understands that I don’t want to be brought up.

“So, last semester, Taylor was trying to hook us up, but I’d just gotten out of a relationship. It wasn’t a long one, but still, I wanted to take some time, you know?” Cindy nods. “I should’ve taken him up on the offer, though, because he seemed to flirt a little with me in the past. But whenever I try and throw something out at him, he doesn’t act the same.”

“Well, maybe he’s dating someone,” Cindy responds.

“No, he is. That’s the thing. I found out last week when I was flirting with him.”

“You flirted with him?” Cindy sounds upset, making me feel a little better about finding out some girl, who was probably all hot and sweaty, was flirting with Micah.

“Yeah, but he threw out the girlfriend line.”

“What do you mean, girlfriend line?”

“You know,” Julie rolls her eyes, “we were just talking, and I was making it pretty obvious I wanted him to ask me out, even for coffee or whatever. And then, out of nowhere, he’s all ‘Yeah, I like iced lattes. My girlfriend does, too.’”

I should feel at ease. I should feel like everything is right in the world because Micah is not only not paying attention to her, but he’s actively making it known he’s off the market. But I don’t. My first thought is, Micah could be going out with a girl like that. Why is he with me?

“Okay,” Cindy speaks up breaking my train of thought. “And you’re telling me this because …”

“Well, if you know him, do you know if it’s serious? He and Taylor seem pretty close, and I know Taylor isn’t one to get tied down. I’ve heard around, he likes to have a good time. I’m not looking for anything serious, so I was hoping Micah was the same. Do you know if he’s really seeing someone?”

“Yeah, he is,” Cindy answers with a smile.

“Oh. Is it serious?”

Cindy turns around, putting the book she had back on the shelf and makes eye contact with me again. Again, I shake my head that I do not want to be pointed out. Then we have a silent conversation with our eyes.

Veronica, you need to walk around this shelf right now and tell her he’s your man, her eyes say.

No, I reply, widening my eyes.

Stop being like that.

Cindy, shut up

Fine, whatever. I’ll do it for you.

She rolls her eyes, her cheeks expanding as she blows out a puff of air. “You know, it is serious. I know the girl. She’s gorgeous.”

“Really? Okay, good for him I guess. She must be pretty special because I know more than a few girls that drool over him when he works out at the gym.”

“I bet,” Cindy responds with a laugh. “But, yeah, she is special. I know for a fact that Micah’s in love with her.”

“Wow, really?” Julie looks a little taken aback. Cindy nods with a smile. “Good for him. I better get going. Talk to you later.”

“Yeah, see you around.”

Turning back around, Cindy leers at me through the books. I know she’s thinking the same thing I am. Get it together, Veronica.

She doesn’t say anything else to me as we leave the bookstore. Overhearing the conversation should have built up some confidence. It should’ve been something I was happy hearing. But all I focus on is her talking about how hot she thinks he is, how she flirted with him, and how other girls in the gym drool over him. I get it. I’ve seen him up close and personal. So why can’t I focus on that and the fact that he’s mine?

“What the hell is she doing here?” Cindy groans

We’ve pulled into the apartment complex, and at the end of the parking lot, waiting outside of Micah and Taylor’s apartment is Lana. Leaning against their door, sitting down with her legs crossed, she’s reading a book and looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

Cindy pulls into a parking spot, turning off the car. “I’m gonna go beat that girl’s ass.”

I quickly throw my hand over hers as she grabs her keys from the ignition. “Don’t bother, Cin.” I stare out of my window. Lana still hasn’t looked up.

“Don’t bother? That girl is a menace. You should’ve seen her at Matt’s party! She’s reckless and wants Micah to clean up her messes.”

“What are you talking about?”

“At Matt’s party. You know, the one we were at.”

“Yeah, I know you were at the party, but what happened with her? She was there, flirting with him?”

“What? No. Wait, Micah hasn’t told you?” I shake my head no. “Well, I guess it’s no big deal, even though he did take her to the hospital.”

“The hospital? What happened?”

“I’m not sure exactly. She was with some guy and was taking some pills or something. I don’t know the whole story. I thought Micah would’ve told you by now. I mean, it’s not like a secret or anything, but—”

“Forget it.” I take a deep breath. If it’s not a secret, why hasn’t Micah brought it up? Was that the stunt he mentioned she pulled? And now that I’m thinking about it, what about that thing about his mom loving her?

“Hey, you okay?” She grabs my arm.

“Yeah.” I glance over at their door, and this time she looks up. We make eye contact, and she gives me a slight smile. “Let me go talk to her. But can you wait here?”

“Definitely. Just holler, and I’ll slap a bitch.”

I let out a soft giggle, but it doesn’t calm my nerves. Grabbing my bag from the backseat, I’m hoping this is just a quick conversation. Maybe she forgot something. Surely she wouldn’t be camping out in front of their apartment, in hopes of still trying to reconcile.

Watching me walk over to her, Lana gets to her feet but stays in her spot. Her smile’s friendly and unassuming. Not threatening or even challenging.

“Uh, hey, Lana,” I say, doing my best not to stutter.

“Hi, Veronica.” Her smile never falters.

This is the closest I’ve seen her and I can’t find a flaw anywhere. Her blonde hair almost radiates. Her chest is perky, with the hem of her top short enough that it shows off her stomach. I wonder if Micah remembers what she feels like? No, Veronica. Stop that. She’s wearing small, black jean shorts that make her legs appear even longer. Her low-top red converse almost seem elegant on her, instead of looking like regular tennis shoes when they’re on me. My eyes find her face again. Not even a blemish.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to sound confident.

She takes a deep breath, and it almost unnerves me. Is she getting ready to tell me off? Does she want to fight over Micah? Like, actually fight?

“This is so weird. I kind of remember you from high school.”

“Okay?”

“You always came off as so sweet. Cute.”

She doesn’t say it with any condescension in her voice, but I still feel it. “Um, thanks.”

“Look, I’m going to be honest with you. I screwed up.”

“Yes, you did.” Her head snaps to the side as she eyes me. Even I’m taken aback at my words.

“But here’s the thing. I know I messed up. And Micah thinks it’s all a game to me, and he might’ve been right about that in the past. But not this time. You’re with him right now, you know the type of guy he is. He’s the type of guy your parents are proud to meet and the kind of man you want to marry. To raise a family with.”

I hear her words, but my brain is stuck on only two of them; ‘right now.’ What does that mean?

“Look,” she brings me back to attention. “I don’t want to be a bitch, I’m just gonna be honest with you. I want him back. I need him back.”

This could be the answer I’ve been looking for. They’re totally suited for each other, based on looks. But just the fact that she’s said it out loud does something to me. Finally, I feel a spark of confidence. Indignation almost. She wants him back? No. He’s mine.

“Sorry,” I answer, raising my shoulders. “But Micah’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want you back.”

“No, see, I know that. But he just has to see I’m changing. And he will see that, over time.”

“Micah’s time is my time, Lana.”

“Is it?”

Her question throws me off. “Is it what?”

“Is it really your time? Or are you just benefiting from someone else’s work? My work.”

My eyes narrow, as her smile fades, and I try to decipher what she’s saying. Instead of waiting for me to piece it together, though, she lays it all out for me.

“Like I said, you’re sweet, Veronica. You seem like a really nice girl. But Micah and I, we have a history. I really, truly believe we belong together. I know him, and he knows me. Intimately.”

I want to force the disgusting thoughts of them together out of my mind, but she decides to nail them to my brain.

“Look, I’m not going to pretend you guys haven’t been together. You were sleeping in his bed when he helped me out that morning.”

Our bed, I want to yell at her. Not his bed, our bed. But I don’t. She’s so nonchalant about this entire conversation like she’s rehearsed it. She probably has.

“My point is, we know each other. We’ve learned with each other. You might be with him right now, but I know I need to be with him forever. When you not only learn the likes and dislikes of someone, but those intimate details about someone … like how he runs his thumb over your lips.”

My breath catches and not in a good way.

“Or how he holds you in just the right way, whispering your name.”

My world crumbles around me. Everything he’s done with me, he’s done with her. And they did it first.

“We know each other, Veronica. And it’s not just because we were each other’s first that I want to be with him. It’s because I know we’re supposed to be each other’s last.”

What if he doesn’t want you anymore? What if he loves me more? What if you’ve broken his heart too many times? All legitimate questions that I should respond with, but I don’t. Instead, all I do is stand there with tears welling up in my eyes.

The voice in the back of my mind that I’ve been fighting with tells me she’s right. They do belong together. They were high school sweethearts. They’re both gorgeous and would have incredibly gorgeous babies. And as much as I know Micah can’t stand the thought that she cheated on him, she’s still physically a better match for him than I am.

“I’m sorry,” she says, and I believe it. There’s no malice in her voice. She’s truly sorry. And so am I.

Without a word I walk away from the door, heading directly to Cindy’s car. As I get halfway there, Micah’s truck turns into the parking out. Getting to the passenger side of Cindy’s car, he stops next to us.

“Hey, gorge—”

“Don’t,” I snap at him. Looking up at him in the truck, I can’t help the tears falling down my cheeks.

“What’s wrong?” He immediately turns the engine off, getting out.

“Nothing.” I turn away, opening the car door. “I can’t be here right now. I have to go.”

“What? Go? But I thought we were—”

“You have company.” I point to his apartment.

Looking over and seeing Lana, he lets out an annoyed grunt. “Shit, what did she do?”

“Just told me the truth.”

Stepping closer, his hands run up my arms, then cradle my face. “Baby, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Micah, you should just go talk to her. I’m going home.”

“No.” His thumbs wipe away tears right before his lips meet mine. “Vero, please, I love you. I don’t want her, I want you. Just tell me, Veronica. Just talk to me.”

I nod. I know this is it. I have to do this. Even if they don’t end up back together, I can’t keep comparing myself to her or anyone else. I need to do this.

“Micah, I … I need …”

“What? Name it, Veronica. I’ll do it.”

“I need a break.”

You know that low ringing you hear in movies after someone’s suffered some sort of horrific accident. The world spins slowly, and I don’t hear anything, just a long ring. As if I’m on my death bed and the monitor attached is telling me it’s over. That’s our relationship right now.

Micah’s face drops. “No. No, you don’t mean that.”

“I do. I’m sorry, but I can’t … you deserve someone better than me.”

“Someone better? Veronica, what are you talking about?”

I don’t know how to tell him. I need to but I can’t. And then his next words catch me completely by surprise.

“Fuck it. Are you cheating on me? Is that what this is about? Why you say it’s you and I need someone better?”

Tears still in my eyes, my jaw drops. “Oh my God, no. Micah, I would never do that. How could you even think that?”

“Then explain it to me!” he yells, grabbing my hand. “Please, Vero. I don’t understand. Why on Earth would I need someone better? I need you, that’s what I need.”

“I can’t—”

“What? What can’t you do?”

“I can’t be that!” I yell at him, pulling my hand away and pointing at Lana. “I’ll never be that or any kind of girl like that. You’re too good for me, don’t you see that? You have women drooling over you, and I’m the cute, chubby sidekick, who somehow is with you. I’ll always be looking over my shoulder at the next girl who would be a better fit for you. I’m not good enough.”

“Jesus, Veronica. When have I ever said that? Hell, when have I ever made you feel like that? I’m not calling you beautiful because I’m trying to boost your confidence. I’m saying it because I believe it.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“Why, though? Why isn’t it—”

“Because I don’t believe it!” I scream. The world goes silent. Micah stands next to the door, and I’m not sure there’s anything else to say. “I don’t believe it, okay? Besides, you and Lana have a history. She told me all about it.”

“What?” He looks back at Lana, who’s patiently waiting near his front door.

Before he can say anything else, I get in the car and push Cindy’s hand. “Go.” She doesn’t move. “Cindy, go!”

“Okay, okay.” Turning on the car, she pulls out and drives away. I can’t bring myself to look back through the mirrors, as I pull my knees up on the seat and slump my head between them, unleashing a flood of tears.

Chapter 31

Micah

Numb? Cold? Lifeless? I don’t know how I feel. She doesn’t believe she’s good enough for me? I knew she was self-conscious, but I had no idea it’d keep her doubting how I really feel. After everything, I never thought for a second she’d ever think she wasn’t good enough for me.

“I’m sorry,” Lana whispers behind me. “She really was a nice girl. And cute.”

Spinning around so fast that I nearly lose my balance, I step to Lana. My short comatose state vanishes and nothing but rancor surrounds me.

“You.” I stare down Lana. “What the hell did you tell her?”

She takes a step back, no doubt sensing my indignation. “I just told her the truth, Micah. The truth about us.”

“There is no us, Lana!”

“Yes, there is. There will always be an us. We know each other. I know what you like, and you know what I like. I know what gets you mad—”

“You do? Really? So are you sensing anything right now?”

“Micah—”

“No!” I take a step toward her as she takes another step back, leaning against my truck. “No, you don’t get to say anything else. Lord knows what you told her to make her feel like she doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“I just told her the truth.”

“As you see it?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I know I need to control myself, but I’m so pissed off. The parking lot is scarce of cars, the sun starting to set. This was supposed to be a good night. We were supposed to finally squash all of the uneasiness that’s been floating between us. I can still feel the key I had made in my pocket, a small token just to reassure Veronica that I wanted her around all of the time. She could come and go as she pleased, though hopefully, she’d be around a lot more. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever get to hold her again, much less give her this stupid key.

I take another step, inching closer to her.

“It means the truth is pretty black and white. You screwed around on me. Twice. I broke up with you. Twice. That’s the truth. There’s no denying that. So how is it that you think I’d possibly give you a third shot? Especially when you know I’m with Veronica. What could possibly make you think I’d dump her and go back to you? You think you know me so well, right? Well, tell me, Lana … would I break up with a girl I’m in love with just to go back with some two-timing bitch?”

She flinches at my words. Never breaking our stare, I can see tears well in her eyes. I know it’s harsh. Beyond harsh, but I’m out of carrots at this point. I have no idea what else I can say so she realizes that us getting back together is never going to happen.

“That was low, Micah,” she whispers. I hear her voice crack as her arm wipes away her eyes.

“No. What’s low is you stalking me.”

“I’m not stalking you! I love you! You were my first, and I want you to be my last. I know I fucked up, but please—”

“Wait a minute.” I look back at the entrance to the parking lot, Cindy’s car long gone. “You didn’t … oh my God, Lana. Tell me you didn’t talk to Veronica about the times we had sex.”

“Of course I did. It all proves my point. We belong together. We learned what one another likes. I know your lips, and more importantly, I know how they make me feel. I know how you make me feel.”

“Son of a bitch! What the hell is your problem?”

“You! You’re my problem. I’m doing everything in my power to prove to you that I want you back and I’ll change. People make mistakes.”

What in the hell? Now she’s going on with that? “Enough with the mistakes bullshit!”

“It’s true! You know that more than anyone.”

I can see her tears have dried up, as her eyes pop open, and she slaps her hand across her mouth.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

She shakes her head, keeping her hand clasped over her lips.

“Lana?”

Her eyes jump away, looking anywhere but me. “I’m not supposed to say anything. But it’s why your mom has been so kind. She’s seen this play out before.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Your dad, Micah. He … he cheated on her.”

My head snaps back in disgust. “Bullshit.”

“It’s true.” Her eyes finally find mine, and they are starting to well up again.

I don’t know the right word to express my feelings. Anger, for sure, but anger feels like too simple of a feeling. If my entire body felt iced over and numb as Veronica drove away, it’s done a complete shift, and now I’m boiling over with volcanic hate. How dare she say that?

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. He would never.”

“Ask your mom, she told me when I called her. She asked me not to tell you, but I can’t let you go. If they worked it out, and they love each other, we can work it out, too.”

The malevolence writhes through me, as I take a step closer to her. Her back’s pressed against the tail end of my truck, and I lift my arms, leaning over her.

“Listen to me, very carefully,” the words drip out like hot venom.

“Micah, you’re scaring me.”

“I don’t give a shit. You and me? We’re over. There will never, ever be anything between us again. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. I don’t care if you’re stuck in jail without a soul to call because you’ve turned your life so upside down that even your parents have disowned you.”

Tears fall over her cheeks, but all I feel is apathy.

“You told my girlfriend that you’re better for me because of our past. Let me tell you something, Lana. She’s my future. I may have learned how to fuck with you, but I know what it’s like to make love because of her. And now, you dare try to play my parents against me? Try to use them as some kind of pawn in this stupid, sick game you’re playing, to win me back. Fuck you, Lana.”

“I’m not … I’m not trying to play anything. I love you!”

“No. You only love yourself. Always wanting to have a good time, and damn anyone else’s feelings. I never want to see you again, Lana. Never.”

Finally backing away, I reach for my key and get in my truck.

She rushes to my window. “Please, Micah, I need you. You’re my home.”

I start my truck. “No, I’m not. Not anymore.”

* * *

The only two places I can think of going are to Veronica’s and my parents’ house. Because of how Veronica left, I decide to go to my parents first. In addition to it being closer to my apartment, I need to find out just what my mom told Lana and finally put the nail in the coffin of lies. Either she said it to make Lana feel better because she still feels something for her, or Lana made it up. She didn’t seem like she was lying, but I can’t imagine my mom making up a lie like that either.

“Mom!” I call out, swinging open their front door. The house sounds empty, but the living room lights are on. “Hey, Mom, you home?” Still nothing.

The nerves die down a bit. Both of their cars are in the driveway, so I know they didn’t go anywhere. Maybe they’re in the backyard, enjoying the evening by the pool.

“Micah?” my dad calls out. Turning around, I see the back patio sliding-door open. “What’s up, son?”

“Hey, where’s Mom?”

I don’t want to ask him about it. He could be devastated to learn what my mom might have said, even if she was doing it in some kind of misplaced sympathy for Lana.

“Her and your aunt decided to have a girls’ night. Shopping and dinner.”

“Oh.” Going outside, I scan the area. He’s already changed out of the clothes he usually wears to work and is in shorts, sandals, and a T-shirt. “What are you doing?”

Motioning to the grill behind him, he picks up a spatula. “We’ve had some steaks in the fridge for a few days. I figured I better grill them up before they go bad.”

I stare aimlessly at the grill, nodding.

“You okay, son?”

“Yeah.” I nod again. “I just needed … I wanted to ask her something.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Um, I don’t think so.”

Lifting his shoulders, he offers me a smile, heading inside. “Okay, I’ll be right back. Gonna grab the steaks. Want anything to drink?”

“No, I’m good.”

He retreats inside while I take a seat on one of the patio chairs. This is stupid. Lana’s lying. She has to be. She played me twice, and now she’s trying to do it again by either blatantly lying about something or twisting whatever my mom told her. If I never see her again, it’ll be too soon.

Then there’s Veronica. How in the hell did I never see that’s how she’s felt this entire time? I thought we were fine. We all have insecurities, I know I still do, which is why my first thought when I sensed something wrong was to assume she’s cheating on me. But how are we going to work through this? Is it even something we can work through? I don’t have the first clue what I can do to prove to her I don’t care if she’s tall, short, stick thin, or overweight. I just know I’m in love with her, but apparently that’s not enough.

“What’s going on, son?” Dad breaks my thoughts, sitting on the opposite patio chair, setting down the steaks and a can of soda.

“It’s …” He stares at me, but I’m not sure how to ask him.

“Is this about you and Veronica?”

“Yes and no.”

“Did you guys finally talk?”

I let out a disbelieving chuckle. “Oh, we talked all right.” He waits patiently for me to fill him in. “She’s not cheating on me.”

“That’s good. Right?”

Taking a deep breath, my cheeks expand as I slowly let it out.

“I have no idea. Dad, everything is all screwed up.” I get up from my chair, nervously pacing. “She’s not comfortable around me. She thinks I can do better than her, because of … I don’t even know. Her weight? How I look? I’m still confused. And then Lana went and shit all over everything.”

“Lana? What does she have to do with this.”

Leaning over the chair, and I hang my head between my shoulder. “We were supposed to meet up tonight, me and Veronica. Talk everything out.” I pull out the key from my pocket, staring at it. “I even got a damn key for her. I thought we’d talk and maybe if I showed her that I want her around all of the time, maybe if she could come and go as she pleased, we could get past whatever’s been going on. When I got to the apartment, Veronica was already leaving. Lana was there. They talked, about what I still don’t have a clue, I just know Lana basically told her we’re soulmates. I have no idea what I’m going to do or if I can even do anything at all. And then …” Shaking my head, I let out another chuckle. “Then Lana really tried to mess with me.”

I finally look at him, finding his gaze locked on me—sympathetic to everything I’m going through and being the tree of truth I’ve always leaned on.

“Dad, I can’t believe I’m even saying this to you. I was going to ask Mom because that’s who Lana said it was, but … damn it, I have to know what she said, and maybe you know. Maybe Mom told you.”

“What is it? I know your mother liked Lana, she hoped for the best for you guys. You two reminded her so much of us.”

His smile is warm. His words are comforting. Which makes the sting I feel that much more abundant.

I grumble lower before finally holding his gaze. “Dad, she told me you cheated on Mom. And I can’t for the life of me figure out why she’d ever say that. Lana knows how close we are. Does she think saying something like that will make me want to rely on her more? I need to know what Mom told her. Did she tell you anything?”

Our eye line never breaks. I knew it. He can’t believe it. Mom never told her any of that shit. Lana made it all up.

“No. Your mother never said anything to me.”

“That bitch.” I can’t help the vulgarity that escapes me. “I knew she was lying. I can’t believe I ever dated her. How could she make something like that up?”

“Micah—”

“No, Dad. I don’t care what you say, that’s crossing the line. So, not only is Veronica gone, for who knows how long, maybe forever, but now she’s trying to mess with my life and turn me against my own family.”

“Micah.” His voice is compassionate but stern, making me stop and look at him. “She wasn’t lying.”

“What?”

“Lana. She isn’t making it up.”

I stare at him, dumbfounded, unable to grasp his meaning. “What? What do you mean she isn’t lying? Dad, she said you cheated on Mom.”

“I know. And I did.”

“What?” It’s still not computing.

“It was a long time ago before you were born. We were in college and—”

“No! No, no, no. What? What are you telling me?”

“Micah, calm down.”

“Calm down?” He gets to his feet, and I take a step back, unable to recognize the man I’ve looked up to my entire life. “What the fuck, Dad?”

“Micah, listen to me—”

“Listen to you? Are you serious right now?”

He takes a step toward me, but I curve around the table, keeping my distance. “It was a long time ago. Your mom and I aren’t perfect, and just like everyone else, we had our own issues to work out.”

“Issues to work out? You can’t be serious.”

“I’m sorry, son. I am. It’s true. Your mom probably told her hoping you might give her another chance like she did with me.”

“Another chance? Another chance, Dad?”

He tries to get closer to me, but I continue to back away from a man I don’t recognize anymore. “Just sit down, Micah. Let me explain—”

“Fuck you and your explanation.” The pain on his face is as if I just hit him.

I’m lost. Adrift in an ocean I thought I knew my way around and now everything—everything—is completely upside down.

“Micah—”

“No!” I scream at him, throwing the chair I was sitting in across the backyard, sending it into the pool. “I can’t believe this.” He’s gotten closer and reaches out, giving my shoulder a squeeze, but I recoil. The hurt on his face is worse than when I told him off. “Don’t touch me! I don’t even know you anymore.”

“I’m still your father. I’m still the same—”

“There’s nothing about you that’s the same! Don’t you get that? Nothing.”

Without waiting for anymore possible explanations, lies, or deceptions, I whirl around and dash through the house. Getting to my truck, I sit inside for a moment, trying but failing to digest everything that’s happened.

“Micah!” Dad calls out.

I see him standing at the front door, but don’t answer. Instead, I turn over the engine and speed off, unsure of anything in my life anymore.

Chapter 32

Veronica

After Cindy dropped me off, I ignored the incessant questioning from my brothers. Locking myself in my room, I only let my mom in, who says, “Your father wants to know what to tell your brothers.” I knew what she meant.

As much as he lets all of us come and go, learning on our own, and allowing Tomás to imitate and enforce the rules he’s set up from when Tomás was the only child, he’s still my dad. Our dad. He’ll protect us, and he’ll protect me, making sure my brothers don’t let anyone hurt me or keep hurting me.

“I’m fine, Mamá,” I tell her, finally holding back my tears. “It’s my own fault. I thought I could be something I’m not.”

After giving me a reassuring nod and hug, she leaves my room. I sink into my bed and do everything I can to block out Lana’s words. To ignore the memory of Micah’s face when he thought I’d cheat on him. To even forget Cindy’s silence as she drove me home, not saying a word. I want to forget all of it.

Waking up the next morning, I still have no idea what to do. Then I see a text message from Micah.

Micah: Veronica please call or text me. Please.

But I don’t. Because what is there left to say? What can we say to each other to get over this? I gave him no reason to think I’d ever cheat on him, but that’s what he went to first. He never acted insecure about the strength of our relationship, but that’s where his head went.

And me? He never once made me feel like I’m anything but perfect to him. But my thoughts have never changed. And what Lana said, even if it is in the past, still boils within.

I don’t text him back the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that one. I don’t reply to him when he texts me again, asking me to talk. Or when he DMs me after I post a depressing quote. Or when he responds to a picture I posted of the sunset with the caption: ‘Even on the brightest day, the sun still sets.’

It’s not that I don’t want to talk to him. But I’m terrified of coming to terms, feeling like everything is fine between us and in a day, a week, or a month, seeing some girl flirt with him and my brain going into overdrive. Of all my insecurities resurfacing and thinking how some random girl is someone way better for Micah than I am.

“What are you doing here, asshole?” Miguel’s words ring out from the living room, and my heart leaps into my throat. He’s texted, but he’s left the ball in my court. I’m not sure what to even tell him if I see Micah standing at my door.

But it’s not Micah I see at the doorway.

“Tim?” Miguel glances back at me, disapproval smeared across his face. Ignoring him, I approach the door and try to move Miguel back, but he stays planted next to me. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey, V,” he says quietly, his eyes bouncing back and forth between Miguel and myself. “I tried texting you, but I never got a reply.”

“Oh.” Averting my gaze, I pick at the wooden door frame. “I blocked your number.”

“Good,” Miguel says. “Since he’s blocked he can get his ass out of here.”

“Mike,” I reprimand him.

“Don’t Mike me.”

Looking back at Tim, I have no idea why he’s here, but I don’t want Miguel grilling him either. “Come in—”

“No,” Miguel interrupts. “He’s not coming in this house.”

We stand there, a stalemate taking place between us. I know he’s just being protective, but what happened between Tim and me happened a long time ago. It sucks, and it still makes me feel stupid, but the last time we talked, he also seemed genuinely apologetic.

“Fine, let’s go to the backyard, Tim.” I step outside, walking around the house without waiting.

Hurried footsteps follow behind me. “I know it’s been a while, but the last time I talked to Miguel, we seemed cool.”

“When was that?” I ask, opening the gate to our backyard and walking over toward the large table and bench we have set up.

“I don’t know, it’s been a while. Last year sometime.”

I feel a redness creep up my neck, as I lean against the table. “Oh, yeah, that’s probably my fault. I never told them what you did. But a while back we got into an argument, and I did.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“No,” he answers, looking away shamefaced. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. I was always curious why none of your brothers tried to knock me out after it happened. Now I know. I’m the one who’s sorry, V.”

A silence drifts between us. He still doesn’t seem how he has in the past; cocky and arrogant. He bobs his head, giving me a timid smirk, before taking a seat on the bench. His shoulders are slouched, and he interlocks his fingers on the table. He almost seems nervous.

Taking a seat across from him, I continue to wait quietly, still unsure what he’s even doing here.

“So …” I finally utter, not sure if he’s going to say anything at all.

His eyes find mine, giving me an unsure grin. “I saw one of your posts yesterday.”

Please don’t say the quote. Please don’t say the quote.

“The one with the quote.”

“Oh.”

“Everything okay?”

I have no idea how to answer him. No, everything is certainly not okay. But there’s no way I’m telling him that. As much as I feel like he was genuine when we talked last, and as sweet as it seems to be that he’s here to see if I’m okay, I still remember what he did to me. Even if I didn’t, he’s my ex-boyfriend. I’m not going to talk to him about problems I’m having with Micah.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Veronica, look, I know what I did. But I was serious when I told you that I’m really, genuinely sorry. I’ve been seeing what you’ve been posting, and while it’s all pretty vague, anyone that knows you probably knows there’s something more going on. Seriously, if you want to talk, I’m here.”

Looking back up at him, I can’t help an unbelieving chuckle that escapes me. “This is super weird.”

For the first time in I don’t know how long, he smiles the same smile that I used to crush on. Thin lips curving, his left side just slightly higher than his right, giving him a flirty, crooked-grin that always hit me hard. That smile, combined with those ocean eyes, I remember why I first liked him. I can’t stop the small smirk from forming.

“Well, you always said I was weird,” he jokes.

“Yeah, but that was only about the things you eat. Who eats pickles dipped in mayo?”

His laugh turns my smirk into a full-blown smile. “I still can’t believe you never tried them. They’re delicious.”

“Okay, weirdo.” A soft laugh between us levels out the awkward silence. “Thank you for coming over, that’s really sweet. But seriously, I’m good.”

“Yeah, because when someone quotes Nietzsche, that always means they’re good.”

“It’s nothing, Tim,” I say, looking away. “It’s just stuff going on between Micah and me. I … I really don’t feel comfortable talking about it with you.”

“Okay,” he nods, “I can respect that. But just so you know, I am here, V.” Reaching out, he grabs hold of my hand over the table, catching me off-guard. I stare at his hand over mine, remembering the times he held it before. “I’ve screwed up in the past. I broke your trust, and I wasn’t lying when I said I regret it. Every day I regret it. It just took me getting my head on right to realize that.”

Pulling my hand away, I stand up from the table. “Tim, I don’t know what you think you know, but we’re not broken up. Micah and me, I mean. We have this thing going on, but he’s still my boyfriend. We’re still together.”

“I know that,” he answers, getting to his feet. “But I also know you’re amazing, Veronica.”

I scoff and make air quotes with my fingers. “Yeah, for a ‘big girl’.”

“I was just saying stupid shit,” he replies, cringing, and I roll my eyes at him. “Sorry, that’s neither here nor there. I know what I said, and I’m sorry. You’re not, like, morbidly obese or anything.”

“Tim, you aren’t helping.”

“I know.” He grimaces. “Damn it, you see, I’m horrible with words. I was stupid. I’ll keep saying it because it’s the truth. I was a complete ass, and I’ll apologize every day until you believe me. And that’s why I’m here.”

“I do believe you.”

“No,” he takes a step closer, grabbing my hand again, “I know you do, but I’m not talking about me. After finally realizing my mistake, I had to tell you. I knew I would never feel right unless you knew how sorry I was. I’m here because your jealous ass of a boyfriend should feel the same way.” I take a step back, but he grabs my other hand. “Please, I know what you said. I know you guys are together still. But why hasn’t he fixed this, Veronica? Whatever’s going on between you two, why isn’t he the one here right now, telling you he’ll do everything he can to make it right? That’s why I’m here. That, and this …”

I’m not sure how to comprehend anything that’s happening. He has no clue what the situation is between Micah and me, which is why his questions make no sense. Micah didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one with the problem. But his words, the closeness of him, they both keep me frozen in place. Then he leans over and kisses me.

For a split-second, I remember the kisses we’ve shared. I remember, no matter how bad things ended between us, how it felt when he’d hold my hand or kiss me. But all it takes is that split-second to realize it’s nothing compared to what I feel when I’m with Micah.

Yanking my hands free, I push him away. “What are you doing?”

“I want you back, Veronica. It took me over a year to figure it out, but I do. I want a second chance.”

“You’re crazy.” I cross my arms, trying to give him as much of a hard-nose stare as I can. “You just said it yourself, it took you a year. A year, Tim. To realize that you actually like me? And figure it out? Seriously, you shouldn’t have to ‘figure it out’ when you like someone. Maybe if you’re falling in love, but we never loved each other. At least, not in a real way.”

“But I want to, V.” He steps closer, holding my face, inching his lips closer to mine. Uncrossing my arms, I place my hands against his chest, making sure I keep a barrier between us. “I want to try again with you. Please?”

Floating even closer, his cobalt eyes pierce mine. I remember when we went out, wanting nothing more than for him to be like he is now. Holding me, telling me he desires me. But it’s not what I want anymore. No matter what my extreme inhibited mind tells me about how I think Micah feels, he’s never done something to make me question his words. I do the questioning all on my own. And whatever I think may happen now, there’s no way I want to go back to someone who had me and let me go, instead of being with someone who has me now and loves me.

“Am I interrupting something?”

My head jolts to the side and I see Micah, standing in front of the sliding door that leads inside.

“Micah,” I whisper his name, unsure if he even hears me.

“Yeah. You know, your boyfriend? And the guy you’ve been ignoring. But I guess I see why now.”

“What?” I look back at Tim, who’s still staring at me like he’s waiting for my response to what he said and completely ignoring the fact that’s he’s holding my face as Micah scowls. “No!” I jump back. “No, this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Right.” He narrows his eyes, keeping them locked solely on me. “Because you and your ex always just stand around with your hands on each other talking.”

“No!” I yell again, running over to him. “Micah, you have to believe me. This … this is nothing.” I spin around and look at Tim. “Tim, tell him. Tell him this isn’t what it looks like.” He shrugs with a smug cavalier expression. My mouth drops. “Tim! Tell him!”

“You know what? Save it, okay?” Micah turns around and walks through the sliding door, into the house. “When Miguel texted me to get my ass over here, I thought something was wrong. That you were hurt or something.”

I hurry in front of him, blocking his exit through the front door. “Micah, you need to listen to me. I’ve never lied to you. Please, you have to believe me. This is nothing. Tim came over here, and he was talking, but I was telling him no.”

“That didn’t look like you were telling him anything.”

“I know that’s not what it looked like, but I was! I promise you, I was. He even kissed me and—”

“He kissed you?”

I cringe at my stupidity. “Yes, but I pushed him away. I don’t want him, Micah.”

“Yeah, well it doesn’t seem like you want me either.”

He tries to move again, but I press my hands against his chest. I know my parents aren’t home, neither is Javier, but I don’t know where Miguel and Tomás are. Hopefully they aren’t around listening, because I feel like such an idiot. As vast as my insecurity is about my weight, I have no idea how I’ll break through Micah’s fear of someone cheating on him. But if nothing else, he has to believe I would never do that.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you, but I needed time. I still do. I don’t know how to feel about anything.”

“You know what, just forget it.”

Forget what? How I’ve been ignoring him? What he thinks he saw? Or us? He can’t mean us.

Letting a deep breath out, he closes his eyes, slowly shaking his head. “I guess I’m the jackass, right? Maybe I’m the last person on Earth that thinks it’s not okay to cheat on someone. Lana did it. My dad did it. Now you.”

As much as it stings to think he believes that’s what I was doing, I’m completely shook at him naming his father. “Your dad?”

He lifts his hands high in complete exasperation. “Yeah! That was a juicy tidbit they left out of his bio. Jacob Fernandez: loving father, providing husband, and oh yeah, cheated on the woman who would be the mother of his son.”

“Oh my God, Micah. I’m sorry.” Stepping closer, I’m hit with a wave of rejection as he pulls his arms away.

“Don’t. Just forget it, Veronica. Forget everything.” His gaze meets mine, void of all emotion. “I guess you were right. I am too good for you.”

I don’t know what, if anything, he could’ve ever done in the past or in the future that would hurt and sting like those words. Words that confirm all of my insecurities. As I lift my hands to my mouth, his eyes follow the stream of tears that roll over my cheeks.

“Hey.” Micah turns around and is met by Tomás’ fist. I jump at the loud smack, watching Micah drop to a knee. “Get the fuck out of our house.”

Micah gets back to his feet, letting out a painful grunt, wiping away the blood from his lip. He takes one more look at me, then rushes through the front door.

“Veronica, you okay?” Tim’s words echo around me, but I can’t register anything anymore. I stand there, tears still falling, unsure if I’ll ever be able to forget Micah telling me he’s too good for me.

“Tim, unless you want the same thing, you’ll leave. Right now.”

My eyes finally lift, but I can’t stand to look at him for longer than a second. Maybe if he just told Micah the truth, none of this would have happened. Clinging to that thread of … hope? Despair? I muster up enough strength to form words as he passes me by.

“Don’t ever try to talk to me again. Ever.”

He stops and nods. Then he’s gone, too.

Tomás shuts the door and, without a word, wraps his arms around me. The dam breaks. My eyes flood and I sob deeply and loud into his chest, as he holds me, whispering to me that it’ll be okay. I wish I could believe him, but I don’t.

Chapter 33

Micah

The instant the words leave my lips, I regret them. The same words she confessed to me about being terrified over, I angrily shoved at her and feel like garbage. So when Tomás punched me, I waited on my knee, tasting the blood, hoping he wouldn’t stop. Hurling her words back at her made me feel like shit as soon as they left, and I deserved more than just getting Tomás’ fist to my face.

That was a week ago.

Since then she hasn’t texted or called. Neither have I. Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m hoping we aren’t over. But as hard as I try to believe it’s not, everything else tells me it is.

“Come on, man! What is that?” Taylor growls. He finally talked me into staying after work and getting in a workout session before heading home. I know he’s hoping it’ll get me out of my despondency.

I place the bench press bar back on the rack, sitting up. “It’s all I got.”

“Bullshit,” he spits out. “You maxed out at double this weight a few weeks ago.”

I take a gulp from my water bottle. “Yeah, well, that was a few weeks ago.”

I know he thinks he’s helping, but I’d rather be anywhere else than here. If I didn’t have to pay my share of rent, I might have just called off work. I’m already behind on signing up for my classes for next semester. Working out right now is the absolute last thing I want to do, but I know if I go home Taylor is going to keep hassling me to do something. He’s been doing it all week.

“Hey, what’s up, Becky?” Taylor’s attention shifts as one of the regulars at the gym stop by.

“Hey, Taylor. Micah.” I wave and take another drink of water. “You guys are looking good.”

“We do what we can,” Taylor replies, making me roll my eyes. “When are we gonna get that personal training time for you hooked up? I’m free next week.”

“We’ll see,” she answers, obviously flirting, as I stare at the mirror in front of me and watch her playful tug at Taylor’s tank top. “Me and some friends were going out tonight. You guys want to join?”

“Oh, I think that can be arranged,” Taylor says, looking over at me. “Micah needs to get out anyway.”

Seriously? I narrow my eyes at him because he should know if I don’t want to be out with my best friend, I damn well don’t want to be out partying with some girls. So, because he throws my name out, I decide to make sure this doesn’t go any further. I’ve only done it once, but this calls for it.

“Actually,” I stand up from the bench, “I can’t make it tonight.”

“Come on, man.” Taylor swats my chest.

“Yeah, Micah,” Becky adds. “My friend Pam is totally cute and …” she leans closer, lowering her voice, “you didn’t hear this from me, but she’s been eyeing you around the gym.”

Taylor smiles, wiggling his eyebrows at me. What a dick.

“Wow, that’s flattering. Thank you. But I really can’t.” Taylor will probably complain for a week for what I’m about to say, but neither of them will stop unless I do it. “Um, actually, I caught an STI last week.” Her eyes pop open, wrinkling her nose. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Taylor getting hot, shaking his head. “Yeah, sorry. I’m on antibiotics right now. Probably not a good time for some fun, if you know what I mean.”

“O-oh.” Becky takes a step back, and I have to keep myself from smiling at her unease. “Yeah. For sure. That makes sense. Um …” She looks at Taylor, then around the gym. “Well, I better get going. See you guys later.”

I feel kind of proud of myself for how straight-faced I handled that.

“You asshole,” Taylor seethes.

“What?” I reply with a chuckle.

“Guilt by association. She’s gonna think that of you, then think of me, now my chances are totally shot.”

Another laugh escapes me. “I think you’ll be all right, Don Juan.”

“Damn it, Micah. If you don’t—”

Before he can continue my phone starts to ring, and I hurry to my gym towel on the floor, where my phone is. Every time it goes off, a shred of hope strikes, hoping it’s going to be Veronica. And every time it’s not, that shred dies off. What’s even worse is when it’s one of the last people I want to talk to.

“Is it?” Taylor asks.

I shake my head. “No.” I hit ignore and toss the phone on the bench.

Leaning over, he sees the screen. “You need to talk to him, Micah.”

“No, I really don’t.”

“Yes. You do. You need to at least hear what he has to say. It’s not a secret.” I glance at him with a warning stare. “Okay, it was to you, but not to your mom. She knew about it. Whatever happened, happened in the past. They worked through it, and they’re still together. You need to talk to him and at least hear his side of it.”

Reaching down to pick up my towel, I sling it over my shoulder and grab my water bottle. “What’s he gonna say? That he’s sorry? That he messed up and my mom took him back? I kind of figured that part out, since they’re still together. I don’t need to listen to a man I thought I knew, tell me about monumental mistakes he’s made in the past, then hid them from me.”

“You’re his son, man. Of course, he wouldn’t want you to know that.”

“I practically worshipped the ground he walked on. And now I find out he’s a completely different person. Screw that.”

“He’s not perfect, Micah. No one is. Not even Veronica.”

My face snaps toward him, and I hold up a finger, warning him not to say another word. When everything happened with Lana, he’d always take shots at her. It was annoying and yeah, some of it downright rude, but I think I put up with it for so long because I knew he wasn’t saying anything I kind of didn’t already believe. But I won’t have it with Veronica. He’s not gonna say one word about her.

As if reading my thoughts, he lets out a sigh, holding up his hands in apology.

My phone goes off again. When I’ve ignored my dad’s calls, he always calls once or twice more. Turning around to hit ignore and head off to the lockers, Taylor intercepts my path and grabs the phone, answering it.

“T!”

“Hey, Jacob,” he answers my phone and holds up a finger to me. “No, yeah he’s all good. We’re at the gym right now.”

“Don’t do it,” I caution him, knowing how his brain works.

“Yeah, thanks. Signed up last week. No, he’s still working on his schedule.”

“I swear to God, Taylor, get off the phone.”

“Yup, I got it actually. Thanks. They’re bumping me up a dollar, and I get a fancy new name tag that has ‘supervisor’ on it. … I know, right?”

“Taylor,” I groan through clenched teeth.

“For sure,” he responds to the phone still, smiling at me. “No, you know, I was telling him the same thing. In a couple of hours?”

“Taylor, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Yeah, no problem, Jacob. I’ll let him know.”

“You’ll let me know shit, that’s what you’ll let me know. Get off the phone.”

“No, he’ll be there. For sure.”

“You’re dead. You hear me? Dead.”

“Okay.” His smile turns cheesy, in the only way Taylor can be. “Totally. … Yeah, thanks again. … Yeah. Talk to you later. Bye.” He tosses the phone up at me. “You’re meeting him in two hours at the diner. If you don’t show up, I’ll drag you to their house later tonight myself.”

“I hate you.”

* * *

Pulling into the parking lot, I see my dad’s car. As much as I don’t want to be here, I know in the back of my mind that I need to be. Taylor doesn’t usually make empty threats, so even if he said it jokingly, he would do whatever it takes to drag me to their house if I ditched this meeting. But I need to hear this. At least once.

Walking inside, the soft, dim lights and alternative rock music that usually brings up happy memories of eating here are absent. From outside, I could see that he’s sitting in our usual spot, but I look around, avoiding eye contact with him until necessary. A couple tables are taken. All things considered, it’s a slow night.

Debbie rounds a corner, coming out from the kitchen, and spots me, smiling. “Hey, hun.”

“Hey, Debbie?”

“Your dad’s in your guys’ usual spot.”

“Yeah.” I offer a strained smile and then finally turn to him.

“I’ll be with you guys in just a few minutes.”

“Yeah. Thanks,” I reply, but keep my eyes locked on him.

He’s staring at me, and I suddenly feel like our roles are reversed. As if I’m the parent and he’s the child, and we’re about to have an earnest conversation where he’s confessing a wrongdoing all while waiting to hear how I’ll respond.

“Thanks for coming, son,” he says as I pull out my chair.

“Yeah, well, when Taylor answered the phone, I guess I didn’t really have a choice. He’s dragged me to parties against my will before, so when he threatened to drag me to your house if I didn’t show up, I figured I might as well get it over with.”

“Oh.” He nods, looking down at the table. “Then I’m sorry it had to be under threat.”

“That’s what you’re sorry about?” I snap. Folding my arms, I let out an annoyed scoff. “Dad, you’ve got a whole lot more to be sorry about than just that.”

“I know.” He continues to stare at our table.

“Okay, you guys having the usual?” Debbie walks over, pulling out her order pad.

Dad offers her a small smile. “Just a Coke and the regular please.”

“Sure thing. Micah, the usual for you?”

I can see that she turns to face me, but I’m staring at my father. How can he act so normal? So calm? Blowing out a puff of air, I shake my head. “No. I’m good.”

“You sure?” Debbie asks.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

She leaves, and my father finds my eyes, the silence building. I know Taylor’s right. My dad’s not perfect. As much as I’ve looked up to him, I understand that he’s made mistakes. We all do. But this isn’t just getting a speeding ticket or accidentally stubbing your toe. This is major. And no matter how awkward or difficult something like this must be to talk about, I’m not sure how to get past it.

By the time Debbie comes back and drops his soda off, I still have no idea what to say.

He takes a sip of his drink and finally breaks the silence. “Okay, well, I’m going to lead with the worst part first. Then, hopefully, you’ll let me explain.”

“Worst part?” I curl a lip, my gaze locking on his. “It gets worse?”

Squirming in his seat, he gazes at the table, nodding. When he looks back at me, his eyes are unlike anything I’ve ever seen. The same dark brown as mine, but now they’re almost hollow. Like he’s not sure who he is anymore. Even as pissed off as I am, I can’t stand to see him that way.

“I cheated on your mother when we were in college. Twice.”

My world stops.

My head drops, hanging between my shoulders, and I slump forward, catching my face in my hands before it hits the table. “Twice? You can’t be serious?”

“I am. I’m sorry.”

I try to respond, but I can’t. My mouth’s open, but the sounds are incoherent. Why? How? What for? So many things I want to know, but I’m not even sure where to start.

“You know we went to the same college. We had all our whole lives planned out when we graduated high school. And, for almost our entire freshman year at the university, it was all going to plan.” I’m finally able to bring my head up and look at him, but he won’t meet my gaze. Instead, he’s staring at his drink, twirling the cup with his fingers. “Freshman year was almost over. We’d been invited to a party, but your mom couldn’t make it. The night started off like any other party; music, beer pong, shots.”

“You drank?” I ask. As long as I’ve known him, he has never drunk alcohol.

“Back then I did.” He nods, still not making eye contact. “I don’t know when it happened, or how it happened, all I remember is the next morning. Waking up in my friend’s bedroom, some girl with her leg over me, and a pounding headache.” He finally looks up, and I swallow down nerves, not knowing if I want to hear any more. “Are you sure you want to know this?”

Right as I’m taking a deep breath, Debbie comes by with his plate. “Micah, you sure you don’t want anything?”

Staring back at my dad, I answer them both. “I’m sure.”

He waits for Debbie to leave, flicking at the fries on his plate, then continues. “I told your mom immediately. I didn’t even go home, I went straight to her house, and confessed everything, knowing it was going to be over. Maybe I could’ve hidden it, but I didn’t want to. Your mother, she’s always been it for me, Micah. From that first day I saw her, sophomore year in high school, I knew I was going to marry her one day. So I told her, she slapped me across the face, tears rolling down her cheeks, and told me she never wanted to see me again.”

He takes a long breath, and I’m not sure if it’s to regain his composure or for me to regain mine.

“I begged her. I pleaded with her for the entire summer. I waited outside her house. I practically stalked her, sending her flowers and candy and anything else I could think of so she’d give me another chance. I begged and begged and begged, and then finally—somehow—she took me back. It wasn’t easy, and she’d check in on me every day. Asking who I was with, where I was. Any and every detail I could, I gave her. And then I screwed it up again.

“It was the summer leading up to our junior year. A week before the semester started, we went to another party. This time she came and everything was fine. But I was drinking again. She tried to tell me I should stop, but it was the last party of the summer. I told her there was nothing to worry about. When she wanted to leave, I told her I’d get a ride from someone later. The last thing I remember that night is the worry and hesitation on her face. It doesn’t matter the outcome that you know now, Micah. I’d give anything to go back to that night and just listen to her. Because she was right, and I almost lost it all.”

He takes a bite of a fry, staring aimlessly at the plate, with more regret on his face than I’ve ever seen on him. But I’ve seen that look of disappointment before. On Lana’s face.

“I woke up the next morning …” He lets out a disbelieving, almost disgusting, laugh at himself. “God, I still hate this. I always will. I woke up the next morning, and your mom was pushing my shoulder. My head was pounding, but I still wanted to hold her. I pulled at her arm, trying to hug her, and she yanked herself away in disgust. Appalled. She motioned next to me in the bed. Turning around, I saw a girl beside me. Looking back at your mom, I could literally see her heart breaking.”

I lean over the table, putting my head in my hands again, unable to stop the disgusted tone from leaving me. “I can’t believe you …”

“I know, Micah. I don’t know how I even passed junior year, but somehow I did. I’d see your mom around, and the first couple months I didn’t even attempt to talk to her. I knew it was over. But October rolled around, then Thanksgiving. We missed our little Christmas tradition. And just knowing that was never going to be anymore, I couldn’t take it. Not because of certain days, but because of all the days. I wanted her every single day for the rest of my life, but how could I make up for everything I’d done?

“I did everything I could, and nothing worked. The year went by and junior year came to an end. Over that summer, before our senior year, I made a promise to myself. I was going to make sure I did everything possible to show her I’d never do anything like that again. I stopped drinking and focused on building a life I had every intention of sharing with her. All the while, I continued to call her, and she still hung up on me. I’d show up where she worked and she’d tell someone to kick me out. Seriously, she could’ve had me arrested for how I was acting. But she never did.

“When senior year started, she finally seemed to at least acknowledge me. I can’t explain it, but I knew there was still hope for us. Just by the way she’d say hi some days, or by a look. Who knows, maybe if I didn’t get that feeling and she had completely given up on us, then I’d be some lonely hermit somewhere. Thankfully, that’s not what happened.

“Midway through senior year, during our winter break, I went to visit her at her house. Your grandfather was still alive then, and he’d already threatened to break my fingers, but I couldn’t stop myself. We’d missed our tradition the year before, I wasn’t going to miss it again. Christmas day I headed over there with our little paper tree, and knocked on the door, fully expecting your grandpa to smash my face in. Instead, your mom answered the door.

“There are a few moments in my life that I know I’ll never feel happier. One was the day we were married. Another was the day you were born. But the third is that day she answered the door. I lifted up our paper tree, hoping against hope she’d at least take it and not throw it in my face. She smiled through tears, wrapped her arms around me, and kissed me.”

He smiles. For the first time during his entire explanation, it’s a genuine smile. Growing up, I always wondered why we had the paper tree tradition. It’s something my parents have always done. They cut out a paper Christmas tree out of construction paper and tape it to something upright. Then, we all write down something we’d like to give the other person, but it can’t be something you can buy. It has to be something intangible. We still do it, and last year, I wrote to my mom I’d make sure she always had a smile and laughter. I asked once why we do it, and my mom said it’s because no matter what happens, no matter how little we have, we can still give one another our love.

“I proposed the very next week. She said no of course, but I just keep telling her whenever she was ready. I wasn’t ever going to make the same mistake I did. I may do some dumb stuff, but I’d never hurt her like that again. And I haven’t. We got married a few months after we graduated. You came along a couple years later, and … now you know. People make mistakes, Micah.”

People make mistakes. There’s that phrase again, and now it takes on an entirely new meaning. I’m still coming to grips with this entire story, and maybe if he didn’t say those last words, my anger might be gone, but it’s not.

“Mistakes? Mistakes, Dad? What you did was more than a mistake.”

“I know.”

“So that’s why Mom’s kept telling me about Lana. Because she thinks anyone who cheats on someone and screws somebody else, deserves chance after chance.”

As soon as I say it, he recoils, hurt across his face. I swallow down my anger, feeling a pang of remorse, the same I got when I threw Veronica’s words back at her.

“Your mom just wants you to be happy, Micah. And yes, she saw a lot of us in you and Lana. And she saw what you two were like in high school. She loves you and just wants you to be with someone who makes you happy.”

“I was.” I push away from the table, standing up. “And guess what? I think she was cheating on me, too.”

Even as I say the words, I don’t believe them. I’m sure everything Veronica told me is the truth, but I’m still pissed off at my dad. Anger and words never mix well.

Without waiting for a reply, I leave the diner.

“Micah!” he calls out to me.

I get in my truck, slamming the door shut.

He knocks on the window. “Micah, please.”

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, and finally roll the window down. “What?”

“Son, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.”

I shake my head, not wanting to tell him that I don’t really think it’s true. “I know.”

He leans closer, putting his hand behind my neck. “I’m sorry about everything and that I’ve let you down. I never wanted to tell you, not because I wanted you to think of me as perfect, but because I’m embarrassed, Micah. I’ll always be ashamed of what I did. There are times I still think about it, and out of the blue, I’ll ask your mother for forgiveness because I honestly don’t think I’ll ever deserve it. And now you know, and I never wanted you to look at me how I look at myself. Like I’m not worthy of your mom’s love. Or of yours now.”

Facing him, I’m taken by surprise. Tears run down his face. He’s never been a hard man—always kind and gentle with me, even when disciplining me—but I’ve never seen him cry. It breaks through every piece of anger inside. Getting out of the truck, I wrap my arms around him, tighter than I ever have.

“Don’t say that, Dad. I’ll always love you.”

“I love you, too, son. And I’m sorry.”

Chapter 34

Veronica

“Vero, hand me my cup.” Miguel’s words are loud and clear, but I ignore them. “Vero?”

I stare at my cards, acting like I can’t hear him. Cindy sits next to me. I can feel her gaze on me, but I don’t care. I didn’t even want to play our traditional Go Fish game. She begged me, hoping to get me back into some kind of normalcy.

“You can’t ignore me forever, V,” Miguel says, and it’s all it takes for me to snap my eyes to his.

“Watch me.”

“It’s been weeks,” he laments. “I’ve apologized over a dozen times. What more do you want?”

Dropping my cards, I grab his cup. “What more do I want? Really? You screwed everything up!”

“I didn’t screw anything up!” he yells back.

Tomás gets to his feet. “Okay, guys, you need to calm down.”

“She’s the one who needs to calm down,” Miguel responds. “If you had just told Tim to beat it, I wouldn’t have had to call Micah in the first place. It’s your—” He stops himself.

My eyes squint, knowing what he’s going to say. “Say it.”

“Nothing,” he grumbles, lowly.

“Say it, Mike. Tell me it’s my fault. Say it!”

“It is!” he yells at me, and I hurl the cup at him.

He ducks out of the way, and it crashes into the wall behind him. I knew it was empty and it’s plastic, but even if it were glass and full, I probably still would have thrown it at him.

“Are you crazy?”

“V,” Cindy whispers, grabbing my arm, but I pull it away.

“No!” I yell at her before turning back to Miguel, Tomás now standing between us. “You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I wish I could take it back? I do. But even if everything with Tim happened and Micah wasn’t here, I would’ve told him. I wouldn’t go back to Tim, and I would’ve told Micah. But, no! You had to text him and act like some overbearing protector and put that on him, didn’t you? You’re such an ass!”

I’ve heard the whispers between the boys. They don’t know everything that’s gone down between Micah and me, but they know enough. Javier stares at everyone, still sitting down at the table, unsure what to do. Miguel, as usual, comes down from his overbearing brother persona and now looks like he wants to apologize. It’s been the standard split personalities he’s been displaying for the past two weeks. And Tomás is in the middle of it all. He watches me carefully, while still standing in front of Miguel.

Spinning around, I head straight to my room and collapse onto my bed. I don’t know how to fix this. Micah walked out the door, and I haven’t heard from him. I’ve debated sending him a text message. It starts with ‘I’m sorry,’ and I am, but then I delete it. While I am sorry, Micah jumping to conclusions and not believing me makes the anger inside rise, almost to the levels of my sorrow. Then I begin to ask if we can or should talk, but I delete that, too. What can I say? What can he say?

“Knock, knock,” Cindy says lightly, opening my door. “You okay?”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I sit up, pulling up my knees. “I wish people would stop asking me that.”

“Sorry. Did you want me to stay? I could go get us ice cream, and we could veg out for the rest of the night.”

I shake my head. “I think I just want to be alone for a while.”

“Oh, okay.”

I hear the door click shut and wish I could go to sleep, but I know if I try I’ll only toss and turn. Getting up, I cross my room and find a picture I printed out of Micah and me. We visited the street fair a few more times, and the picture is one he took of us sharing a milkshake. Probably something we’ll never do again.

After a small knock at the door, it cracks open. “Cindy, seriously, I don’t want to do anything.”

“She left.”

Looking over at the doorway, I see Miguel standing there, an anguished expression across his face. “Oh.”

“Vero, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. I know it’s my fault and I’m sorry. I wish I never would’ve told Micah. And I didn’t do it because I thought something was going to happen between you and Tim, I just did it because I knew you wouldn’t listen to Tomás or me and I wanted that jerkoff out of our house. After what you told us he did, it took everything in my power that day to not punch him as soon as I opened the door. So I texted Micah, knowing if anyone could get rid of him, Micah could. I’m sorry for everything.”

Putting the picture back on my desk, I pull out my chair and lay my head down on the desktop. “It doesn’t matter, Mike. It’s over. Everything’s over.”

“Don’t say that.” He walks over to my chair, resting his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as happy as you are with Micah. And you’re a pretty freaking happy person.”

Even as tears fall, I let out a giggle. “Thanks.”

“Just give it time. Me and Javi will drag his ass here if we have to.”

“Don’t.” I squeeze his hand, trying my best to smile. “Please, don’t. This is bigger than just Tim being here.”

“Okay.” He nods and leans over, wrapping his arms around me. “I love you, sis.”

“Love you, too.”

For the rest of the night, I constantly check my phone, continuing to debate with myself about texting him. Ever since the Tim fiasco, I’ve decided it’s better not to post any quotes or heart-wrenching love-song lyrics. And then finally, I fall asleep, wishing everything was a bad dream.

One thing I have been doing is helping Tomás out with payroll for the company. He doesn’t seem to mind, even if he is just letting me help knowing I’m trying to keep my mind occupied. He’s out, going over an estimate, and I’m filling out paperwork when Yesenia comes into the house.

“How’s it going, Veronica?” she asks in her usual bubbly way, so I know she’s not asking for the same reason everyone else has been.

“It’s fine,” I acknowledge her, stapling some papers together. “Just finished a stack. You know, Toto never told me how many people work for Papá. It’s a lot.”

She laughs. “Yeah. When we started dating, he loved to act like a big shot. He’d tell me how he was in charge of this or that and seemed so proud. Now, I think he’d do anything to have one of your brothers join the business to help him out.”

I join in on the laughter, but it quickly dies out. I remember when they started dating, but only bits and pieces. Miguel always makes fun of how in love he says Tomás was. But thinking about them being in love is the last thing I want on my mind because it only reminds me of Micah. My gaze breaks away from hers.

“So, I know it’s none of my business, and we don’t really talk much about this stuff, but like I told you before if you need to talk, I’m here.”

I nod, getting up from the table and walking to the kitchen to open the fridge. “I know. Thanks, Yessi, but there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Are you sure? I might be able to help.”

Help? Right. Because she obviously knows something about being heartbroken, and trusting someone, when she’s been with Tomás for the last six years, and been married for four of them. The thought makes the anger boil over, and I can’t stop from snapping at her. “No offense, Yessi, but you really couldn’t.”

“Tomás told me what he said.”

I slam the refrigerator door, clenching my eyes shut to fight back the tears.

“I don’t know everything, but Micah said you were right. You, Veronica.”

“I know what he said, Yessi! I don’t need to have it thrown in my face again,” I scream at her, then immediately feel horrible. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

More tears slide down my face. And here I thought I’d be okay today, with all of the boys out of the house. “No, it’s not okay. I’m not mad at you, or anyone really. I’m mad at myself. I … I’m the one with the problem. Yeah, Micah’s got stuff to work out, too, but none of this would’ve happened if I’d told him from the start.”

She holds a finger to her lips, analyzing me. “Would you come back to our place really quick? I want to show you something.”

“What?”

She reaches down and gives my hand a comforting squeeze. “Like I said, I don’t know everything. But I have an idea. I don’t know if it’ll work, but …” Trailing off, she looks away. “You might not think it, but I know a little of what you’re going through.”

Yesenia is thin. Not like a stick, but she’s definitely smaller than I am, so I’m positive she hasn’t a clue what I’m going through. But she motions for me to follow her, offering me a soft smile, and I don’t have any reason for alarm, so I follow along.

The guest house they stay in, their ‘home away from home’ as Tomás likes to call it, is small. Maybe the size of Micah and Taylor’s apartment. It has a tiny bedroom, small kitchenette, and one bathroom. I don’t come over much, mostly because it’s in the backyard, so why would I? It’s their home. But it’s nice.

Walking through the double doors, I see they have a little TV set up with a love sofa. There’s a small sign on the wall with painted daisies and petunias, and underneath the flowers, it reads, ‘Our love is our home.’ I know Tomás isn’t very choosy when it comes to interior design, so I’m sure everything in here—the small red and yellow rug, a glass vase with more flowers, and even two small fuchsia placemats on their little, kitchen table with just two chairs—must’ve all been picked out by Yesenia.

I fight back more tears. No matter my insecurities, I had let my mind drift from time to time with Micah. Wondering if we ever lived together, what I’d pick out for our place.

“This way,” Yesenia calls, and I see her open the door to their bedroom.

“Um.” I look back at the door we just came in and then around the living area. “Are you sure?”

She offers another warm smile and nods, before walking in, leaving the door open for me. Skittishly, I follow her into their small bedroom.

Just like outside, everything in the bedroom is nice and neat. Beige and light green sheets and blankets cover their bed, along with an abundance of pillows. There’s a small dresser and sitting on top of it are a few pictures. One of them looks like it’s of Tomás and Yesenia when they first started dating. Another is of the boys, all gathered around the pool. There’s also one of Yesenia and myself. Walking over to the dresser, I pick it up and examine it closer. It looks like I was fifteen, so they must’ve been together for a couple years. Yesenia’s still beautiful, her hair a little shorter than it is now. Me, still chubby.

“Tomás loves that picture,” Yesenia remarks.

“Ugh, look at me,” I groan out.

Letting out a giggle, she walks over and bumps my hip with hers. “You look cute. Tomás says it’s his favorite picture with his two favorite girls.”

Placing it back down, my heart warms with the thought of my big brother loving me.

“Take a seat on the bed.” She motions to it and heads over to their closet.

I cringe, looking over my shoulder. Gross, Veronica. Do not think about your brother and his wife like that. Fighting away the thoughts, I lift a knee and sit on the edge.

Holding what looks like a small shoebox, she shuts the closet door behind her and then walks back over to the dresser. Opening the top drawer, she pulls out a bra, and I lift an eyebrow, unsure what she’s doing.

She fiddles nervously with the bra, letting out a sigh. My eyes find hers, and an anxious smile hits her.

“So, this is awkward, but I hope it might help you.” She lifts up the bra. “Obviously, you know what this is.” I nod, still not looking at it. “Here, take it.”

Gritting my teeth, I gingerly take it from her. I’m not exactly sure what we’re doing, so I simply hold it, keeping my eyes on her. She laughs. “Look at it, Veronica.”

Nervously, I turn the bra around in my hands. It’s a cute peach color, with a little lace on it, but it seems different. Examining the inside, I find a pocket on each cup, and look back at Yesenia, unsure.

“Pockets?” I ask.

She nods. “They’re for my forms.”

“Your forms?” I squint, looking back at the bra. Suddenly I’m hit with realization and drop the bra, bringing my hands to my mouth. “Ohmygod. Oh … Yessi … are you … do you …”

With a simple smile, something I don’t know how she’s doing now, she picks up the bra from my lap and casually folds it in her hands. “I did. In a few months, I’ll be cancer-free for nine years.”

“I never knew. No one told me.”

“No one in your family knows, other than Tomás and your parents. Some people know I had cancer, but it’s something I still struggle with. Mostly because of everything that happened. This,” she holds up the bra, “took me a long time to reveal to Tomás.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine.”

Her words are soft, but she’s not crying or even tearing up. She seems so strong. She’s always seemed strong, even when she broke her leg. But hearing that she’s struggled with something, too, adds a new depth to her. And it also makes my insecurities feel completely inadequate in comparison.

“I’d show you the forms, but …” she nervously giggles, “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

“Why are you even telling me this? I mean, thank you for trusting me, but … why?”

“After that day with Micah and Tomás, he told me about it that night. At first, he was angry, and rightfully so. But after I thought about it, what he told me Micah said, I got to thinking. Veronica, please tell me if I’m wrong, but do you really think Micah’s too good for you?”

I take a long breath. “I mean, not like I’m a bad person or something. Not like that. But … yeah, I do. Yessi, you’ve seen him. And … look at me.”

She gives me a disapproving look but doesn’t say anything.

“I wish I didn’t feel like that, but I do.”

Sliding closer, she puts her hand on top of mine. “And that’s why I’m telling you this. When I heard that you know what I thought? I thought of myself. I was nineteen, Vero. Nineteen years old and not a care in the world, kind of like you are now. My grandmother had cancer, and my mom, too. But I was nineteen and was living my life. I didn’t pay any attention to a small, weird thing I felt. Whatever, I thought it was just something that’d go away. But then I was twenty, laying in a hospital, crying myself to sleep every night with my mom holding my hand, because I’d just had a double mastectomy.”

Tears are already running down my cheeks, and I’m amazed to still see her holding steady. Then again, she’s probably much stronger than me after going through something like that.

“After a couple years, friends tried to get me to go out on dates, but I couldn’t. What if something started between him and me? What if one thing led to another and I’d have to show myself to him? I couldn’t do that. Then Tomás came around.

“He tried, Vero, but I was not having it. No way. There was going to be no way I’d let myself be that vulnerable with someone. He’d come around to where I was working at the time and just say hi. I was a receptionist at a law office. I think your dad had an account for the building manager, and they were remodeling some offices. Tomás saw a coffee drink I had one day and randomly throughout the week, he’d stop by and leave me one. I got to thinking, if I was going to try, it’d be with him. Plus, he’s got a cute butt.”

I laugh through my tears. “Okay, please don’t talk about my brother’s butt.”

Letting out a laugh of her own, she stares at her bra and sighs. “So, we started dating.”

“And they lived happily ever after,” I say with a giggle.

“I wish,” she chuckles back. “We’d go out, and start kissing—”

“Okay, I really don’t want to be rude, but I don’t know if I have it in me to listen to stories about my brother making out.”

Another laugh and she swats my shoulder playfully. “Fine, my point is, and this part is important, so don’t get grossed out. He wanted to escalate things. I did, too. But I was so scared, Veronica. Only my mother had ever seen me naked since the surgery, and that was just because it was hard to get dressed by myself in the beginning. I have these bras, but in all honesty, I don’t need them. I have them because they make me feel good. But without them, it’s just … scars. How in the world would I ever be able to show that to him? Your brother is a saint, he really is. We dated for a year, and besides kissing, all we did was—” She stops as she sees me start to cringe.

“Right. Anyway, he waited. He waited for me to be comfortable with myself. When I finally told him I had breast cancer, he never flinched. He never wavered. And even as steadfast as he was, I still wasn’t convinced. I never thought I’d be good enough for him.”

Her last words bring me to a complete stop. Our stories and situations are entirely different, but now I know why she’s telling me this.

“Which brings me to this.” She taps the shoe box. It’s plain, with a simple logo and navy blue and white. But she runs her hand over it like it’s a precious chest of jewels. As if whatever is inside is worth more to her than all of the money in the world. “This is my Forever Box.”

“What does that mean?”

She doesn’t answer. Instead, she softly runs her fingers over the edges, a smile appearing, as if she’s at bliss. Finally, she looks back up at me. “I told your brother my fears. He hadn’t seen me, but I told him I was scarred. That I wasn’t like normal girls anymore because, in my head, I never felt normal after the surgery. He said it didn’t matter, but how could it not? I was one hundred percent sure that if he ever saw me without a shirt, the real me, he’d run for the hills. It wasn’t a possibility to me. It was a fact. And then he started leaving me these notes. I call them forever notes.”

She slowly opens the box. Inside I see dozens and dozens of pieces of paper. They’re all folded nicely, into tiny squares, only an inch wide and tall. Some are different colors, some look like they’re written on pieces of notebook paper. Her hand lightly runs over them, like she’s feeling the love radiating from them.

“I still remember the first one, it’s in here somewhere. It simply read ‘I’ll love you forever.’ That’s it. But as time went on, he’d leave me more and more. Different things we’d do forever, or different things that made him smile when he thought of me. No matter what it was, they always ended with him loving me forever.”

Gently, her hand digs into the box, and she pulls out a paper. Closing the lid, she unfolds the paper, and I want to tell her to stop. It feels so personal and private like it should be something just between them.

Before she reads it, she looks at me. “I wanted to show you this because I got the same feeling about you and Micah.” Looking back at the paper, a small giggle bubbles forth. “Oh, this one was sweet. When we’re out and you think I’m not watching you, but I am. I can watch you forever because I’ll love you forever.”

I let out a sniff, wiping my eyes. “Wow, I never knew Toto was so romantic.”

“Oh, he is, girl.” She laughs, which makes me do the same. “I don’t know how many of these notes it took and I don’t know how many he would’ve kept writing to make me believe. He still writes them for me from time to time. He’ll leave in the morning, and I’ll find one in the kitchen or on the nightstand.”

“Aw, I love him.”

“I do, too.” She gently folds the paper back into place, lifting the cover of the box, and putting it back inside. “It took a long time, Vero, but I did finally trust him. And more importantly, I did finally feel like I was good enough. Who knows how long it might’ve taken for me to feel as good about myself as I do now without him. I’d like to think I would’ve gotten there eventually. And that’s not to say I still don’t see my scars some days and feel bad about them. But knowing Tomás loves me no matter what, that just strengthens my love for myself. Sometimes relying on someone doesn’t make us weaker, it makes us stronger. Does that make sense?”

I nod slowly, looking back down at my hands. “It does. I wish I were as strong as you. I just don’t know how to do that. I’m not gonna ask him to write me love notes every day until I feel better about myself.”

“What if you wrote the notes?”

“What do you mean?”

Getting up from the bed, she puts her bra away and sets the shoebox on top of the dresser, before turning around and leaning against it. “When I was thinking about these notes, I thought about you two. I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to give me the first answer that comes to mind.”

“Okay …”

She smirks. “What were you thinking on the first date you two had? The very first time.”

I remember the karaoke bar and street fair. “I thought he was cute. And then I saw him with a girl and got all nervous, but that left when he saw me and said he’d been waiting for me. And he forgot the other girl’s name.” I smile at the last part.

“And does he know that? That you were nervous about the other girl?”

“I don’t think so.”

Sitting back down next to me, she takes hold of my hand. “I think you should tell him. Write to him about the past, and what you were feeling. Tell him how you feel right now. And then, think about your future. Do you need time? Do you want a future with him? Maybe, if he finally knows exactly what’s going on in that brain of yours, you guys might be able to work through this.”

“I don’t know, Yessi,” I reply, biting my lip, still staring down at my lap.

She gives my hand another squeeze. “I really loved seeing you two together. It reminded me so much of Tomás and myself. I know things are difficult. I know you’re insecure about things. But if you guys can work through those layers, if you two can get to the heart of one another, I’m sure it can work out. But digging into those layers is hard. Believe me, I know. We put up wall after wall, all because we want to protect ourselves. But once you’re through them, it’s almost like a new life. Your problems won’t be gone, but you can face them together. Because you dealt with them together. Just think about it. Please?”

I let out a sniffle, struggling to keep my eyes dry and give her a nod. I would love nothing more than to do that. To work through these layers of emotional baggage and hang-ups we both seem to have. I just don’t know if we can anymore.

Chapter 35

Micah

Hanging out at Chevy’s is the last thing I want to do, but the new semester starts in a couple days, and Taylor is trying to have as much fun as he can. Since he got the promotion at work, and with his study load, he knows he’s going to be busy. We’re tucked away in a corner, near one of the billiard tables, as I scroll through my phone.

“Get off your phone,” he says, right before he puts his hand over it.

“Knock it off.” I lean back in my chair. “I thought you were over there flirting with Molly, or Misty, or …”

“Mandy.”

“Yeah, Mandy. Go get your jollies off and leave me alone. It’s bad enough you wouldn’t let me stay home.”

He leans over the table, making me lift my eyes. “Micah, your fingertips are orange from a steady diet of Cheetos. You still haven’t called your dad since you guys talked, and—” He grabs my phone.

“Hey!”

“Yup, just like I thought. Stalking her Instagram page. She hasn’t posted anything in a week.”

“Screw you,” I spit out, grabbing my phone back from him. “Go get your restroom hookup on and leave me alone.”

“I’ve never hooked up in a bathroom.” I glance up again, raising an eyebrow. “Okay, not this bathroom.”

“Whatever.” I put my phone away, looking around. “Are we done here? It’s been two hours, have I served my time?”

As I stand up from the table, my one and only drink that’s watered down since I never touched it, drips with sweat. Taylor looks back up at me, letting out a small scoff. Ever since I talked to my father, I’ve practically been a zombie. That’s been a week. Which means it’s been two weeks since Tomás decided to use my face as a punching bag.

“Fine, whatever.” Taylor gets up, and I head to the exit. “I’m gonna pay the bill and then see if Mandy’s down for anything. You good to get home?”

“All I had was a few pretzels. I’m fine.” I wave at him, walking out of the building.

Getting back to the apartment, I flop down on the couch, pulling out my phone once again. It’s been my go-to spot and activity for weeks now. Stalking her social media pages, pulling up pictures of us. Bringing up her phone number to maybe call her only to turn my phone off and internally scream at myself. I hate sleeping in my room. Our room. There aren’t any sheets on my bed because I pulled them off to wash a day after our argument in the morning. I don’t want to clean them and lose how they smell of her, but I don’t want to sleep on them either.

Hearing a giggle outside of our door, I grind my teeth.

Taylor’s been really considerate—especially considering it’s Taylor—to keep the noise down around the apartment, but I can’t do this right now. Maybe if he would’ve just left me alone to stew tonight, I’d throw on my headphones and ignore him, but I’m over everything Taylor related.

“Micah,” he calls out, walking in. When I turn around to give him a blatant hint that I’m not in the mood to put up with his shenanigans, I find not one but two girls with him. “Come on, we’re going back out.”

I wrinkle my nose, shaking my head. “What? No. I’m done for the night.”

“Stop that. Let’s go. Mandy and Willow know of this party on the beach.”

Turning back around, I fall back onto the sofa. “I said no. Go have a threesome or something.”

I hear a scoff from one of the girls.

“Hey, dick, that’s rude,” Taylor’s stern voice echoes in the apartment.

For all his promiscuous tendencies, he’s always straight-up with every girl he talks to. He doesn’t want any type of serious relationship, and he makes sure they know it. And as much as he talks a big game to his other friends, I know he’s masking what’s really going on with him.

Even knowing that, I’m still annoyed with him. “I don’t care.”

“What the hell, Micah?”

“Should we wait outside?” one of the girls asks.

“No. Micah, you don’t want to go, fine. You want to wallow here in misery? Whatever. But you owe them an apology.”

He’s probably right, but I don’t care. “Apology?” I shout, getting back to my feet and turning around. “Mandy?” I point to the girl standing next to him. “Sorry, okay? You might want to get tested tomorrow because he just slept with a different girl last night.”

Her jaw drops.

“Micah!”

“Screw this, I’m leaving. Let’s go, Willow,” Mandy says and storms out of the apartment with her friend.

“You asshole!” Taylor yells at me, and I know it’s not because I just cost him a possible night with a girl. He’s pissed. “That was totally uncalled for. If you want to cry yourself to sleep every night because you’re too much of a coward to step up, I don’t give a shit. But don’t act like an asshole with everyone else.”

“Go to hell. I’m doing the best I can, all right? I screwed up everything and have no idea how to fix it. One girl wants me, and now because of a damn history lesson, I’m wondering if I really should give her another chance. Meanwhile, I threw every insecurity Veronica has in her face, and I loved her more than I ever did Lana. So, excuse me if I’m not acting according to the timeline you think I should.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” He walks over in front of me, putting a finger in my chest. “‘Oh, there’s a girl out there who loves me, and I’m not sure what to do.’ Is that the argument you really want to have with me? Because I’ll tell you right now, you’re gonna lose that battle.”

“Get out of my face.” I push his hand away. “Go find a nameless bimbo and have another one-night stand.”

“No, you need to listen to me.” He presses his hand against my shoulder.

I push it off. “I said leave me alone.”

“I’m not going to leave you alone until I talk some sense into you.”

This time I’m the one putting my hands on him, shoving him back. “Yeah, like I really need to have you talk to me.”

“Don’t push me, bro.”

“‘Endorphins, man,’” I mock him. “‘Let’s hit the weights. Oh, what’s that? Feeling down again? Let’s just go hit on some chick at the beach, bring her back, screw her sideways.’ Huh? Is that it, Mr. Casanova? You want me to screw everything that walks, hiding what’s really going on inside?”

“Micah, I’m serious, take a step back.”

Stepping closer, I push him with both hands. “Or what? What are you gonna do, Taylor? You have no idea what I’m going through right now.”

“You know that’s bullshit. I know exactly what you’re going through. The only difference is, you have the chance I’ll never have. So don’t come at me with that crap, just because you’re too much of a coward to make a move.”

Before I know what I’m doing, I cock my fist back and swing. My knuckles connect with the side of his mouth, making him stumble back. Snapping his head back at me, his eyes lock on mine. It’s not rage that they’re filled with, it’s exasperation. But I know he’s infuriated because his next move is to leap, wrapping his arms around me, sending us crashing down on top of the couch.

I swing again, but he moves out of the way, locking one of my arms into the air. “Let me go, Taylor.”

He doesn’t answer, and I flail around on the couch, trying to counter his moves. Struggling, we slide up the top of the sofa, and I know what’s he’s trying to do. At the gym, we have different classes, and he takes boxing and jujitsu classes. I’ve sat in on a couple of the jujitsu ones, and the ways he’s moving, he’s trying to put me in a hold.

“Let me go, asshole!”

“Not until you listen to me.”

I don’t listen. Squirming again, trying to get away from him, I swing my free arm and elbow him in the ribs. He growls out in pain but doesn’t let go. Instead, we’re teetering on the top of the couch, and then we both tumble over it. Putting my hand down to break our fall, he makes his move and finally has position, locking his arms around my neck in a rear naked choke—a sleeper hold.

“Micah, calm your ass down, or you’re going out.”

I squirm, trying to claw my fingers into his arms, but it’s no use. He’s got the hold locked in. I wave my arms around, trying to get an angle to elbow him again, but I can’t. I feel his grip getting tighter.

“Micah?” he asks. I grunt back, half still struggling, half giving up. “Micah!”

“Fine,” the word chokes out.

He lets me go, and the sudden rush of air streams into my lungs. Scooting over to the side, he lifts his knees, resting his arms on them, letting out a long sigh. I continue to hold my neck, gazing at the carpet in embarrassment, still gasping for air.

“Damn it, Micah,” he groans out.

“Sorry,” I whisper.

“Yeah … me too.”

Leaning against the back of the couch, I see him pick at the carpet. The silence drifts between us a few minutes before he finally speaks ups again.

“Man, you’re my best friend. When I transferred to Woodbridge, not knowing anyone, I was hoping I’d just drift through my senior year. But here we are, two years later, and you’re like a brother, Micah.” I look over at him, finding his eyes for a brief moment before his gaze drops back down to the carpet. “I hate that you’re going through this, I really do. But you know I know what it feels like. With Lana, I couldn’t care less. But with Veronica, I’ve seen it. You were happier these last months with her than I ever saw you with Lana. That’s why I’m pushing you. Not because I want you to give up on that, but because I don’t. I want you to snap out of it, and finally do something. Because take it from me …”

He picks at the carpet some more. I’m not sure if he’s going to finish his thought, even though I know the direction he’s heading in. Maybe it’s best left unspoken. If not for me, at least for him. But before I can respond, he starts up again.

“I know what you’re going through. I know what it feels like to try and breathe, and it hurts. To want to do something, but you know there isn’t anything you can do. Suck it up and go to her. Figure it out. Because sometimes you don’t get a second chance.”

I nod slowly, peering back at the carpet. There’s a sniff, and when I glance at him, his arm brushes across his face. Without looking over at me, he holds out his fist, and I silently bump his knuckles.

“I’m gonna take off,” he says, getting to his feet. “You good?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “Just gonna sit here a while. Try to figure out my next move.”

“Okay.”

I stay seated, leaning back against the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. What could I possibly say to make this right? Obviously the truth, which is I don’t think she’s too good for me. I think she’s perfect for me. But will she want to hear it? Would I even get to tell her, if her brothers are there? I know they probably hate me more than she does right now.

Screw it.

I need to do this. Going to my room, I get the key I had made for her. I don’t have a clue what I’m going to say, but I know what I want. I want her. Maybe if I just try to explain that little part, we can start there and work on everything else.

More urgency in my steps, I swing open the door to leave and nearly crash into her.

“Veronica?”

Her hand is up like she was just about to knock. “Oh, hi. Were you … were you leaving?” She looks away, and I can see her holding something. A paper she clutches to her chest. “I can come back. This was probably a mistake.”

“Wait.” I step back, opening the door wider. “Do you … do you want to come in?”

“No, I better not.”

I frown, wanting to know why she thinks she shouldn’t come inside but don’t ask. “I was just on my way to see you actually.”

“You were?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “I want to apologize. I want to fix this. Us. Here,” I pull out the key, “I had this made and never got to give it to you. It was supposed to be, I don’t know, a small token. I miss you, Vero.”

She takes the key, inspecting it. “I’m not sure I should have this.”

A piece of my heart cracks. Powering through her doubts, I motion into the apartment again. “Please, come inside. Let’s talk.”

Her fingers tighten around the paper, which looking again appears to be an envelope. She leans closer, peering into the apartment, almost like she’s afraid to take a step inside. “No. I only came by to give you this.”

Slightly creased and wrinkled, she hands me the envelope.

“What’s this?”

As she turns her head away from me, I can see her swallow nervously. She bites the edge of her lip, her eyes looking anywhere but my own. “It’s … it’s just something I need to tell you. But I’m not … I thought it’d be easier to write.”

My face drops. “Is this a Dear John letter?”

“No,” she says, offering a shake of her head, her eyes finally finding mine. “At least, I hope not.” She takes a tiny step closer, and it’s all it takes for my mind to go into overdrive.

I want to hold her. Stare into those dark brown eyes and kiss her, forgetting all of these issues we have. Her next words make me realize we can’t just forget our issues. We need to fix them.

“It’s just words I’m not brave enough to say out loud.”

Chapter 36

Veronica

The bell rings, and as everyone hurries to leave and get to their next class, I sit quietly at my desk. It’s a graphic design class, and I should be doing what everyone else is doing. Seats are always hard to come by the first week of the semester, not to mention the first day of classes. But I can’t focus. Micah took this class last year. Same professor. Same room. Trying to listen to the lecture and syllabus for the semester, my mind has drifted the entire time, wondering what seat he had.

It’s been three days since I dropped off the letter.

When I got home, I told Yesenia that I dropped it off. I was still nervous about doing it, and she must’ve been able to tell because she didn’t say anything, simply giving me a supportive hug, letting me know again she was here if I needed to talk.

The first thing I told him was something I’m not sure he knew. I knew him in high school, but we were properly introduced at a bonfire after we graduated. When I saw him around school, I thought he was cute, but when I met him at the bonfire, that’s when I started to crush on him.

And the letter just escalated from there. Talking about times during our first semester I saw him, and even though I wasn’t sure if he was dating anyone, I never dared to speak more than a couple of words to him because of how insecure I was. I am. How if I went to his gym, I’d take a hoodie in case he was there so he couldn’t tell who I was but I could see him. I know, stalker much?

Then when the second semester rolled around, I told him how I thought I was finally working up enough courage to talk to him. Not to ask him out, but just try to have a fully functioning conversation with him. That’s when I saw him with Lana. I hadn’t seen him with her much the semester before, but I remembered them together back in high school. I told him I thought she was perfect for him. Not too short, a slim, athletic figure that seemed to go hand-in-hand with his. I could daydream all I want about him, but I wrote that I’d never be as good of a match for him as her.

But then he kissed me.

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to write as much as I did. I thought I’d get out a few words and crumple up the paper, never giving it to him. Or, if I was able to put together enough words to tell him how I felt, I thought it’d be a paragraph. Maybe two, at the most. I didn’t expect it to be eight pages, all written on lined notebook paper. I guess I had a lot more to say about my feelings than I thought.

I told him how he made me feel in the beginning. When he kissed me, or when he took my hand as we walked through the street fair that first night. Even the night we had sex and the next day when he told me he loved me. I told him I believed him then and I still believe him. But the most important part was to tell him that when I’m with him, I believe his words. I believe I’m beautiful, and sexy, and wanted. But they’re like a shield. A force-field that blocks out all my negative feelings about myself, but it’s only for a limited time. Because when I leave his arms, I’m thrown back right into the real world. And in the real world, girls like me don’t get guys like him.

It reminded me of my discussion with Sofia. How I was telling her she was wrong about the same insecurities I was feeling. And I didn’t feel like I was lying, but when the conversation was over, I didn’t know how to believe them myself.

I told him so many things that I thought it was too much. That he’d read it—after waking from fainting over the number of pages in the envelope—and that it’d be over. We’d be over.

But then he called me that night. And I ignored his call. He texted me. And I ignored that, too.

I don’t know what he wanted to tell me, but I told him I wasn’t done. I’d written so much, but I ended it telling him I still needed time. I need to get a grip on this and that there’s something else I need to say to him. I want to be with him. I want to know he’s my future and that I’m his. But I don’t know how to actively pursue that future and at the same time, fight off every insecurity I feel after I leave his arms.

So I asked him for time. Time I don’t even think I deserve because who tells someone they want to be with them but asks them to wait without telling them how long. A week? A month? Why would he wait for me when girls are lusting over him on a daily basis? And there are the worries again, flooding through me like an avalanche.

I finally make my way outside. My next class isn’t for an hour, so I asked Cindy to meet me at the café. As soon as I walk in, I see her waving at me. I’m about to wave back when I see Micah and Taylor walk in on the opposite side. Spinning around, I hurry to a restroom. As I scurry over to it, I duck my head between my shoulders, staring at the ground, hoping he doesn’t see me.

Getting inside, I lean against the door, feeling hopeless. We aren’t broken up. Estranged, sure, but he’s still my boyfriend. Why am I acting like this? He obviously wants to talk about what I wrote, or he wouldn’t have called and messaged me. But I’m not ready. I need to get the last part out of me.

I feel the door push against me, and I step out of the way.

“What are you doing?” Cindy asks, walking inside.

Moving over to the wall, I cross my arms and hang my head. “I saw Micah behind you. I can’t see him right now.”

“He saw you.” She sounds perplexed.

“He did?” I cover my face.

“Yes. What’s wrong? He asked me if I thought you wanted to end things. He says you haven’t returned his calls.”

I haven’t told Cindy about the letter. Only Yesenia knows I gave it to him. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if you want to break up?”

“No, I don’t want to break up. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I gave him this long letter, basically telling him how I felt when we got together and these last couple months, and how I’ve always just felt like a side dish and never the main entrée with him.”

“You did?” She cringes, making my embarrassment rise.

“Yes! And I told him I don’t want to break up, but I still need time, and I have to figure everything else out.” I expect her to counter my arguments like she’s done in the past. To tell me I’m wrong or give me some kind of pep talk, but she doesn’t. She takes a step closer, wrapping an arm around me, nodding. “Did he … was he upset right now when he saw me?”

“No, not really. He just seemed confused.”

“Is he still out there?”

She shakes her head. “He left. He said to tell you he wants to talk.”

Letting out a long breath, I nod. I know we need to talk. But I have to get these fears of my future out, too. And I need to do it soon.

Chapter 37

Micah

The first week of the semester is done, and I should feel relieved. My course load isn’t crazy. I got all the classes I wanted. But I see Veronica everywhere on campus. When she hid from me in the café, my immediate response was to rush over to her, but then I stopped. She was hiding from me. Avoiding me. Would running over to her and forcing her to talk about everything push her away more? Cindy went to speak to her, and later that day I got a text message from her.

Cindy: She just needs time

I know that. It’s what she keeps telling me. But how long is too long before this small crack becomes a canyon and we can’t reach each other anymore?

Getting home from my last class, I find Taylor on the couch going over his homework. I wave at him and then head to my room. I finally washed my sheets. I thought I’d fold them, put them away, and dress my bed in new ones, but instead, I slipped the same ones back over my mattress. They don’t smell like her anymore, but I still have the memories. Maybe that’s all I’ll have from now on.

Dropping my bag at the foot of my bed, I see a letter on top of my covers. Snatching it quickly, I read my name scribbled on the front in Veronica’s writing.

“Taylor,” I call out, leaning in my doorway, “Veronica was here?”

“Yeah.” He taps a pencil against his head, looking over at me. “Just for a second. She didn’t come in. She wanted to leave that envelope for you.”

“She didn’t … did she ask anything? Leave any messages or something?”

He shakes his head, giving me an empathetic smile. “Sorry.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Retreating into my room, I shut the door. I sit on my bed and tear open the envelope, a little surprised to find a single sheet. Her last letter—which I saved and have it in my dresser—was pages long. This one is four paragraphs. A tinge of panic surges, not knowing if the lack of words is a good thing or bad.

Micah,

I thought since I wrote you a novel last time, I’d try to keep this short and sweet. I’m sorry I’m telling you these things this way. I really do wish I could tell you face-to-face, but I can’t. When Yesenia said to write it, I didn’t think it’d make a difference. But when I wrote that first letter, I knew it did.

I don’t know what to do. I love you, Micah. No matter what happens, I will always love you. When I’m with you, I really do feel beautiful. But it’s not like I can have you around me every second for the rest of my life, always blocking out the negative thoughts I have.

I told you how I felt before we dated, and then about these last few months. But what about the future? I have no idea. If I had my way, I’d say let’s be together forever. I want that. But I can’t promise I’ll stop comparing myself to other people. I want to try. I am trying. But in a month or a year, I might still do it. And I don’t know if that’s fair to you. To make you feel like you have to continually build up my self-esteem because I can’t see it myself at times.

After you read this, I think I’ll be ready to talk. I hope so, at least. So call or text me after this, and I’d like to try to begin to work on us. But if you can’t, that’s fine. You may have your own insecurities, but I’ve hidden these fears from you that actually ended up affecting our relationship, and maybe I’ve already messed up a good thing. So regardless of what happens next, you’ll always be my first love.

Love Always,

Veronica

Jumping up from the bed, I rush out of the apartment. I just read her fears, and how she’s not sure if she’ll ever be rid of them. But one line out of the letter is my focus. ‘If I had my way, I’d say let’s be together forever. I want that.’ She wants that. That’s all I need to know, so I don’t even think about calling or texting her first. Jumping in my truck, I rush over to her house, unsure she’s even going to be there right now. I don’t know her class schedule, so she might be gone.

Parking in front of her house, a new worry hits me—her brothers. Miguel was the one who called me last time, but Tomás is the one that hit me. I’m sure he told his brothers what happened, so I’m not expecting anything but apathy when I see them. Still, I push through the concern and hurry to her front door, knocking.

“Get lost, prick,” Javier answers, opening the door for just a second before he starts to close it again.

Sliding my foot to keep it open, I press my hand against it. “Javier, please. I need to talk to her.”

“Are you crazy?” he hisses, stepping outside, closing the door behind him. “Dude, I wasn’t here, but I heard what happened. You’re a douchebag, but I’m not pissed off enough to attack you right now. Miguel and Tomás? That’s another story. I’m doing you a favor here. Get lost before one of them sees you.”

“I can’t leave. Please, I need to talk to her. She asked me to call her.”

“You’re not getting it.” He steps closer, putting a finger in my chest. “She might’ve asked you to call her, but you’re gonna have to do that somewhere else. Here? At our home? If Tomás sees you, you’re about to get the shit kicked out of you. I’m trying to help you out, Micah.”

“I’m not leaving,” I respond, folding my arms and standing my ground.

“Micah, go!” He pushes me.

I stumble back, but regain my footing, planting myself again. Then the door opens.

“Yo, Javi, who was—” Tomás’ words cut off, as his eyes meet mine. “You got a lot of nerve showing up again, asshole.”

“Micah, I told you. You need to leave,” Javier urges me, pushing me again.

“No, let him stay.” Tomás pushes past his brother, shoving me.

Javier’s between us, still trying to get me to go back to my truck. I cautiously wait for Tomás to make a move, and when he lunges at me, I quickly step out of the way. Javier turns to his brother, trying to hold him back.

“Tomás, I just need to talk to her,” I yell at him.

“You aren’t talking to anyone!”

“Micah, go!” Javier yells.

“I’m not leaving.”

“Javi, get the hell out of my way.”

“Tomás, calm down.”

Pushing against his brother, he lunges at me again, but I move away as we circle their front yard. It’s the evening, so I’m sure their neighbors might be watching through their windows, but I can’t bring myself to care about it enough to stop. I don’t care if he gets ahold of me and we start rolling around in the grass, causing people to call the cops on us, I can’t leave. I won’t.

“Move, Javi!” Tomás yells at his brother. “You weren’t here. You didn’t see how hurt she was.”

His words make me freeze. It’s not a revelation that what I said was out of line and hurt her. I know it did. I said it in a moment of anger and frustration. But hearing him tell it, knowing I caused it, sends dread through me again.

Tomás finally shoves Javier out of the way, grabbing me by the shirt. “You’re never seeing her again, you hear me? I don’t care if she wants you here or not, I’m watching out for her. I’m protecting her from dickheads like you who think you’re too good for her.”

“I don’t think—”

“Shut up!” he growls. “I should slam your face into the ground right now. But I know she still has feelings for you. So leave, Micah. Get the hell out of here and never come back because I swear to God, if you do, I won’t hold back. She’ll get over you. I’m not gonna give you another chance to hurt her.”

“Tomás!” A booming voice makes all three of us turn our heads. Standing in the doorway is their father. Just behind him, Veronica stands wide-eyed and mouth open. “Let him go.”

Tomás looks back at me, narrowing his eyes, seething in frustration.

“Tomás,” his father orders again. This time he let’s go. “Javier, get inside.”

It’s an interesting shift of power I’m watching play out. Their father’s said very little to me, and from being around them, he doesn’t voice his concern or demonstrate any kind of authority to any of his children. At the same time, even though they’re all over eighteen, and Tomás is married, he still seems to run everything.

Javier looks at Tomás for a moment before retreating back into the house. Tomás, though he isn’t holding me anymore, continues to stand toe to toe, his gaze boring into mine. Through the corner of my eye, I see the older man approach, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Go inside, Tomás.”

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move for what feels like an eternity, and I never break our gaze. Finally, he takes a step back. He looks at his father, then his eyes find mine again before he turns around and walks back into the house.

My vision follows him, and as he goes inside, he gives Veronica’s arm a comforting squeeze. She keeps her eyes on me.

“Micah.” The strong voice returns, but it’s different. It’s quiet enough for only me to hear but at the same time enough to rattle my bones. “That girl may be a young woman now, free to make her own choices and mistakes, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t watched out for. That she isn’t protected.” There isn’t any anger or frustration in his voice. Only warning. “I was watching from inside. I wouldn’t be out here right now if she didn’t ask me. They are all my kids, but she’s always been who we protect. If she asks you to talk, you talk. If she asks you to stay, you stay. I’ll make sure the boys don’t do anything. But, Micah,” he lifts a finger, “if she asks you to leave, then you leave. I’ll only say it once.”

I want to answer him, but my voice is gone, so I nod. As nervous as he makes me, I’m more terrified of this being the last time I get to talk to her. He nods back, turns around, and walks back into the house. Veronica approaches me cautiously, worry across her face.

“You should’ve called,” she says, flashing a small, nervous grin.

“I couldn’t. I didn’t want to just hear your voice, I needed to see you.”

She walks past me, and I follow along like a lost puppy. Leaning against my truck parked in front of her yard, she asks, “You read the letter?”

“Of course.”

Bobbing her head, she looks around her yard, then off into the distance. The sun’s finally collapsed beneath the horizon, offering a warm yellow and orange glow through the clouds. I’m not sure if she’s watching the sunset thinking it’s the last one we’ll see together or if she’s hoping it’s one in a long line of many to come.

“I don’t …” Her words linger, filling me with panic. “I don’t know what to do, Micah.”

Those words are all I need to move me to action. Throwing my arms around her, I pull her close, and a sliver of hope hits me as she wraps hers around me. “It’s gonna be okay,” I whisper.

“But how? How will it be okay? Micah, I’ve tried. I’ve really, really tried and I keep trying, but these fears never leave.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry, Vero. I should’ve never told you what I did. I’m not too good for you. I’m nothing without you. I need you, Veronica. Please, come back to me, and we can figure out all of the rest.”

“But that’s not fair, Micah.” She shakes her head into my chest. “I can’t ask you to do that. To always be my cheerleader.”

“That’s what couples do, isn’t it? Cheer the other on? Support them?”

“Yeah, for like a new job or something. For someone’s dream. This thing,” she presses her fingers to her head, “never goes away.”

Leaning down to her, I hold her face, my thumbs brushing away her tears. “Do you know what my dream is, Vero?”

“You want to be an artist, like your dad.”

I shake my head. “That’s my goal. I don’t know if I ever told you my dream. My dream was to live a life like my father. Not just a job, but everything. And that dream doesn’t come true unless I have someone to share my life with like he does. You’re my dream. I need you. Otherwise, this isn’t the life I’ve dreamt about having.”

“But—”

“You wrote that I’ve been more vocal about my insecurities, and maybe you’re right. But I haven’t told you everything.” Leaning back, she peers up at me. “I haven’t told you that I hated having you sleep over some days because I knew Taylor was home and I didn’t want you to see him, and think about upgrading.”

Through her tears, she laughs and then makes a gagging sound. “Ew, Micah.”

“I haven’t told you that while I brought flowers for your mom, I did it purely to try and impress her, hoping I’d look better than any other guy that might’ve met your parents before.” Another light chuckle, shaking her head. “And I haven’t told you that I did everything I could to hide how insecure I was when you went on vacation with your family. Why do you think I texted you so much? I didn’t know who was down there. I didn’t know if you’d see some guy on the beach and decide to have some vacation fling.”

“Micah, I would never—”

“I know. I know you wouldn’t, but that doesn’t stop my fears from taking me over sometimes. You’ve countered my insecurities, whether you know it or not, just as much as I’ve countered yours. Being with you, while I may get jealous from time to time, is all I want. You make me forget that other people can betray you and remind me that some people are worth fighting for. You’re worth fighting for. Please, come back to me.”

“And later? It’s not gonna be too much when you have to keep telling me how much you love—”

My lips crash into hers, cutting off her words. Locking her fingers behind my neck, she pulls me closer. Her scent encapsulates me, while her lips and tongue cure every part of the pain I’ve had from being without her. Running my fingers through the curls I’ve missed for far too long, I never want to break apart from her. Even as we separate to catch our breath, and her lips are only inches from mine, it’s still too far.

Reaching up, I wipe away the last tear. “Never. It’ll never be too much. I’ll tell you every hour of every day for the rest of my life. I love you. Without you, I’ll need a new dream. Please don’t make me find a new dream because nothing else will come close to this.”

Putting her hand to my cheek, she offers me a small smile.

“Is that a yes?” I ask, and she nods. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for not giving up on me. On us.”

“Never.”

Chapter 38

Veronica

It’s been a few weeks, and things are going good. Micah continues to tell me he loves me and that I’m beautiful—and I continue to try and work on believing him. My self-confidence issue seems more significant than his trust issues, but I know he has them still, even if he doesn’t tell me. So, I’ll do little things here and there, to keep the balance between us.

Like a couple days ago, I’d just left my last class of the day, and I usually wait for Micah’s class to end. Ryan, a guy I’m in class with, held the door open for me as I left. I went over and leaned against a small barricade, pulling out my phone while I waited for Micah.

“Hey,” Ryan said. “I was wondering if you want to grab a drink at the café with me. I’ve got twenty minutes before my next class.”

He’s a cute guy. Broad shoulders, shorter hair than Micah’s that’s just a touch darker shade of brown. His midnight blue eyes are confident. He gives off that arrogant air that Taylor does, but I know Taylor, so it makes him funny. With Ryan, it comes off as conceited.

“Oh, thanks, but I’m waiting for my boyfriend.”

“Ah,” he chuckled. “A boyfriend. He doesn’t let you get food or drinks without him?”

Wow, that’s rude. And completely expected from the little I know of him. But before I can reply, Micah appeared next to me, wrapping his arm around me.

“She can do what she wants,” he said, pulling me closer. “But I do get vetoing power if it’s some guy trying to hit on my girl.”

Ryan eyed Micah up and down, no doubt taken aback by him. I’m sure a pudgy girl like me, he was probably expecting someone completely opposite of Micah. Scolding myself, I remembered Cindy telling me to never think of a negative thing about myself without thinking of a positive. I’m … fun? I don’t know, I’m still working on it.

Ryan’s demeanor changed, and he raised his hands in defense. “Oh, my bad.”

“Yeah, it is your bad.” Micah stared him down.

I have to admit, it would’ve been scorching and lust-worthy how Micah got if I didn’t have an idea of what was going on in the back of his mind.

Wrapping my arms around him, I let out a soft giggle. “How was your class?” He doesn’t answer. Lifting my eyes, I see his vision clearly locked on Ryan as he continues to walk away. “Micah?”

“Yeah?” he responds, still staring.

“Hey.” I reach up and pull his chin down, so his eyes meet mine. “Stop doing that.”

His face finally softens, cracking a smile. “Sorry.”

Letting out a sigh, I grin with an idea of trying to defuse the situation. “He does have a cute butt.”

His jaw drops as he leans back, staring at me like I’ve gone crazy. “Excuse me?”

“What? I mean, it’s not all perfect and pinchable like yours, but you know, as far as butts go …”

He shook his head, laughing. “That’s it. I’m forcing you to come to school with blindfolds on.”

“Dumb boy.”

So, yeah, he still has some issues, but I think we’ll be okay.

My eyes crack open as I lay in bed, feeling his hand on my waist, his thumb caressing my skin. When I see him, he’s already staring at me, smiling, and leans in with a kiss.

“Morning,” he says with a smile.

“Morning. How long have you been awake?”

“Only a few minutes.”

My lips curve up with the thought of him watching me sleep, then I remember his words. “Okay, that’s not creepy at all.”

Laughing, he quickly kisses me again. His lips travel down my chin and along my neck. As I run my fingers through his hair, he moves lower. “Micah—” I try to talk, but my breath is caught short. “You know I’m—”

“I know, I know. Out of order,” he says with a chuckle. “I was thinking something while you were sleeping.” His head hovering over my stomach, a slight tinge of nervousness hits me as his hands slide under the hem of my shirt, pushing it up slightly. I’ve worn the lingerie a couple of times, but most of the time I still sleep in one of his shirts.

“Can I?” he asks, looking up at me. I know he won’t move it anymore unless I give him the okay, and somehow that puts me at ease. Biting my lip, I give him a slight nod.

Keeping my hands on his head, I stare up at the ceiling and feel my shirt lift up just below my chest. He lays his face down on my stomach, and I feel his hand slide over my hip. As skittish as this position makes me, there’s also a calm sweeping over me. He moves his face a little, and his stubble scratches and slightly tickles. Then his hand lands over my belly button, and he pauses.

“So, I have to tell you something,” he whispers, sending a pang of anxiety through me. “I was watching you sleep right now, and a thought hit me. You know how I feel right now, no matter how you look. But one day you’ll be bigger than you are.” The anxiety morphs into real panic as he looks up at me. “And when that day comes, I’m going to be honest, my feelings are going to change for you.”

I shut my eyes, trying to force away any negative thoughts. Micah loves you, I repeat in my mind. He pulls down my shirt and crawls back up, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Do you want to know why?”

I work on my thoughts again, trying to remember everything he says he loves about me. Things I’m trying to love about myself. So even though the fear is there, I nod slowly, still keeping my eyes shut.

“You’re gonna be bigger because one day,” he chuckles, “not any day soon, but one day, you’re gonna be pregnant.”

His words halt any more thoughts. My eyes pop open.

“You’ll be a mom one day, Veronica. And I have no doubt you’re going to be an amazing mom. So when that day comes, and you’re carrying my baby—in case that isn’t clear.” He smiles, and it forces a small laugh out of me. “Of course you’re going to be bigger. And my feelings will change. I don’t know how because it’s kind of hard to fathom right now. I love you so much, and I can’t imagine loving you anymore. But I know, when that day comes, I will. Because you’ll not only be my love, but we’ll be starting a family, and I know that love is just going to grow. Somehow, I’ll love you even more, but I just don’t know what that’ll feel like until it comes.”

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he kisses me with everything he has. His fingers sweep through my hair, as his other hand holds me tightly. The uncertain thoughts have vanished, replaced with nothing but searing love. To know that’s what he’s thinking makes me want to stay in bed with him, his hands on me, and my lips on his, forever.

His mouth breaks away from mine, and I sweep my fingers across his swollen lips. “I love you, Vero. I’ll always love you.”

I don’t want any space between us, so I reply while keeping my lips pressed against his. “I love you, too. And I really wish I wasn’t on my period right now.” My words make him chuckle.

“Silly girl.”

The End

Taylor

Shit, did I leave my TV on again?

I’ve done it before and had Micah hitting the walls, telling me to turn off my porno collection. I don’t have a porno collection. I just stream it. Who buys DVDs anymore?

Cracking my eyes open, I look down at the foot of my bed. Nope, TV is off. I hear the muffled moan again and realize it’s not a television. It’s Veronica.

For all her cutesy and innocent demeanor, I would’ve never guessed she was a screamer. I chuckle at the thought, grabbing my phone to check the time.

“Eight o’clock? Are you kidding me?”

Another moan, this one louder than the last, and she says calls out his name.

“Hey!” I slam my hand against my headboard. “I’m trying to sleep in here!”

I don’t have work for another three hours, which means I have another two hours and thirty minutes of sack time left. I’m not really upset at them either. Ever since transferring to Woodbridge High all those years ago, Micah’s become my best friend. Almost like a brother. And I’m happy for them. I really am. But if this is what it sounded like to Micah while he was single and I was having my fun, I seriously don’t know how he didn’t move out. Not only is it annoying, but now I’ve got a raging boner.

“Sorry!” Veronica’s muffled apology echoes through our apartment. I hear Micah laughing.

I’m just about to put my phone back on my nightstand when it dings with a text message.

AJ: Sorry, I know it’s early. U up?

Me: I’m up. What’s up, kid?

The thought bubbles pop up like he’s typing something then they disappear. They show up again and then they’re gone again.

AJ: U didn’t come to the recital anniversary?

I knew he was going to say it, yet it still stings.

Me: I know. I’m sorry. They scheduled me to work and I tried to it get off, but the only other day I could get was a day I had an exam in one of my classes.

AJ: It’s okay :(

I feel like a real bastard, but not just because I missed the anniversary of Reese’s recital. It’s because I’m lying. However, I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t tell him I have to distance myself away from all of that. That was a lifetime ago. I was a different person then. I can’t be that person anymore.

AJ: You’re still coming for her birthday though, right?

Of course I can’t say no to that. Nor would I ever want to.

Me: Absolutely, kid. I got cupcakes last year. Think she’ll like those again.

AJ: I was thinking cookies.

Me: Really?

AJ: Yeah, she loved oatmeal raisin.

I laugh at the screen. A genuine laugh that doesn’t happen a lot while talking about Reese.

Me: Yeah, she does.

It doesn’t go over my head that I still use the present tense with her. I always will.

Me: Okay, oatmeal raisin it is. We playing video games after? It is a tradition, after all.

AJ: Yeah, a tradition of me kicking your butt in any game you pick.

Me: We’ll see. I’ve been practicing. You better watch your back.

AJ: Alright, cool. Later T. I gotta go to school.

Me: Later, buddy.

Birthdays and anniversaries. They should be happy events filled with laughs and love. And I guess, in a way, they still kind of are. But it’ll never be the same. I’ll never be the same.

I know there’s no way I’ll be able to go back to sleep now. Might as well open an app.

“Nope.” I swipe left. “Hmm, maybe … naw.” Another swipe left. “Oh, you could be fun.” Swipe right.

My phone dings. It helps I keep the profile picture of myself right after an intense workout session.

Looks like I’ve got my day planned out. Head to the gym for work, after work stay for a workout session, hit up my late afternoon class, and end the day forgetting my past life with another face from the crowd. Hey, it’s worked so far.

FROM THE AUTHOR

Thank you so much for reading Through the Layers. If you enjoyed this story, please consider leaving a review. Reviews help other readers find the book.

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About the Author

RH Tucker lives in Southern California, writes contemporaries and urban fantasy, and drinks too much caffeine. If you’d like to connect on social media, just follow the links below!

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Also by RH Tucker

The Rumor Has It series

Rumor Has It (Book 1)

True to You (Book 2)

Courting the Nerd (Book 2.5, a short story)

Heart Shaped Lock (Book 3)