The Introverted Leader

THIRD EDITION

OTHER BOOKS BY JENNIFER B. KAHNWEILER

Quiet Influence

The Genius of Opposites

Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces

Shaping Your HR Role

THIRD EDITION The Introverted LeaderBuilding on Your Quiet Strength

Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD

The Introverted Leader, 3rd Edition

Copyright © 2009, 2013, 2018, 2025 by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler

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Third Edition

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Kahnweiler, Jennifer B., author.

Title: The introverted leader : building on your quiet strength / Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD.

Description: Third edition. | Oakland, CA : Berrett-Koehler Publishers, [2025] | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2024059201 (print) | LCCN 2024059202 (ebook) | ISBN 9798890570895 (paperback) | ISBN 9798890570901 (pdf) | ISBN 9798890570918 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Leadership. | Introverts. | Interpersonal communication.

Classification: LCC BF637.L4 K27 2025 (print) | LCC BF637.L4 (ebook) | DDC 155.2/32—dc23/eng/20250111

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2024059201

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2024059202

2025–1

Book production: Happenstance Type-O-Rama

Cover design: Ashley Ingram

To my parents,Lucille and Alvin Boretz,whose love madeeverything possible.

CONTENTS

Preface

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1 Six Key Challenges for Introverts

CHAPTER 2 Unlocking Success: The 4 Ps Process

CHAPTER 3 Leading People and Projects

CHAPTER 4 Introverted Leaders in the New Workplace

CHAPTER 5 Delivering Powerful Presentations

CHAPTER 6 Leading and Participating in Meetings

CHAPTER 7 Networking, Your Way

CHAPTER 8 Communicating and Coaching for Results

CHAPTER 9 Managing Up

CHAPTER 10 Results of Using the 4 Ps Process

Study Guide

Notes

Index

Acknowledgments

Working with the Author

About Jennifer

PREFACE

I’m perfectly happy being alone,

as long as there are books and thoughts.

—Arianna Huffington1

The Rise of the Introverts

Introverts rock. People often think that a big, vibrant personality is needed to succeed in the workplace. That simply is not true. Often it is the quietest people who have the loudest minds. Unfortunately, many introverts feel excluded, overlooked, or misunderstood, and our workplace cultures are still skewed toward extroverts. The hopeful news, however, is that introverts are finding their voice, and the world is starting to awaken to the power of introverted leaders.

When I wrote the first edition of The Introverted Leader fifteen years ago, it was before introversion was part of the global conversation. Back then, people thought the book title was an oxymoron. “How can you be a leader and an introvert?” they asked.

One reporter told me that she couldn’t get any senior leaders to admit on the record that they were introverts. The bias about quieter leaders was pronounced. I continually had to explain how introvert traits such as listening, preparation, and calmness are great qualities found in excellent leaders.

My consulting work with organizations had shown me the need for a book that laid out a framework for introverted leaders to succeed. Though I searched, I couldn’t find any books on the topic, so I decided to write one!

I knew that introverts needed a practical guide to becoming successful leaders, but I didn’t expect the passionate and appreciative reactions that I received from around the world after the book was published. The Introverted Leader has been translated into multiple languages, and I have traveled the planet from Singapore to Spain, from Vietnam to Paraguay. Readers were grateful that the leadership challenges introverts face were finally being addressed, and they appreciated the strategies the book provided. Focusing on introverted leaders was an idea whose time had come.

Today a strong case is being made for the importance of recognizing and valuing introverts’ gifts and contributions. Many writers, among them Susan Cain and Sophia Dembling, have added their voices to the call for quiet strengths to be recognized and appreciated. Each year, new books, virtual “summits,” and articles are written to support and elevate introverts at work. There are even “Introvert Weeks.” More executive coaches are focusing on introverts in their practices.

We have also had a strong reception to our podcast, Introvert Ally, which aims to change culture by having conversations with successful introverted leaders and their allies.

We can call this phenomenon the “rise of the introverts.” Introverts are embracing who they really are instead of trying to change themselves into some extroverted image of who they think they should be. As a longtime ally, I am so pleased about this evolution.

The Next Wave for Introverted Leaders

I see the next wave of the introvert revolution as going beyond equipping people with more skills to adapt to extrovert-dominant cultures. The revolution will be about transforming workplaces to become more inclusive. This is starting to take hold in organizations across the world, where diversity of style and temperament is becoming increasingly important to consider in addition to attention to race, ethnicity, and gender. For example, hiring managers are thinking about how to get the best from introverts in interviews. Employee Resource Groups to support and advocate for introverts are taking hold in many companies.

Senior leaders are reflecting on how workspaces can be organized to give introverts places to retreat and reflect. Meetings are being structured to include both writing and talking time. Companies realize that focusing on introverts makes good business sense.

New Research

Until now, little if any research on introverted leadership existed. Now a growing list of research studies and media coverage provides intriguing new data about introverted leaders. For the first time, serious academic research is being conducted on the qualities of introverts, the conditions introverts need to perform their best, the correlation between introverted leadership and company performance, and even the brains of introverts. This academic work shows no signs of slowing down. I include highlights from such research in this edition.

Over the past decade, I too have conducted research using surveys, interviews, and case study analysis. I have collected many new insights from my consulting work. Based on the questions from our community, I researched what makes introverts successful at work, including how they influence and work with extroverts to achieve strong results. After The Introverted Leader, I wrote Quiet Influence, The Genius of Opposites, and Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces based on that research. This third edition of The Introverted Leader builds on that work as well.

Who This Book Is For

Leaders at any level, including project managers and professionals who must influence others to get results, will find this book valuable. New niche audiences have emerged for the book as part of a burgeoning community, including senior executives, women in professions dominated by men, quiet men, salespeople, people of color, and extroverts who are interested in being more effective team members.

If you’re a leader of people or projects, you likely have introverts on your team. This book will help you better understand them and maximize their contributions. If you read the last edition, welcome back. You will find a new chapter on leadership in the post-COVID hybrid workplace, and more strategies and information to support you on your leadership journey against that backdrop.

My Background

Frequently, introverted readers and event participants say, “You get me.” I can think of no greater compliment. As an extroverted consultant, speaker, trainer, facilitator, and leadership coach for more than forty years, I realize that I will never truly know what it is like to live inside an introvert’s world. “I have been influenced by the introverts I set out to influence,” I once wrote. That still holds true.

A good deal of my learning has emerged from being married to an introvert for fifty-one years. My spouse, Bill, has taught me to appreciate the values of quiet reflection, listening, and simply slowing down. Bill has led by example, which for me is the best way to learn. Though I am typically energized by people, I have become more comfortable hanging out with myself. I now carve out and welcome the opportunity for solitude and quiet time.

My Approach

I have interviewed and collected data from hundreds of introverted leaders across a wide range of industries. Some interviews were structured, with set questions. Others I conducted in preparation for speeches and training programs.

Wearing my journalist’s hat, I filled notebooks with observations. I found that posing specific questions on sites like LinkedIn yielded provocative responses from introverts who prefer expressing their ideas and feelings in writing. This third edition also draws on the unique perspectives of leading academics and business thinkers.

Book Overview

We start off in the Introduction by highlighting the definition and benefits of introverted leadership.

Chapter 1 focuses on the six key challenges that most introverts face at work, including people exhaustion, dealing with a fast pace, getting interrupted, feeling pressure to self-promote, coping with an emphasis on teams, and handling negative impressions.

The framework of the book is introduced in Chapter 2, where you’ll learn about the 4 Ps: Prepare, Presence, Push, and Practice. This is based on our research with successful introverted leaders. In reflecting on the steps they’ve taken to use their natural quiet strengths, these leaders continually described four steps for every leadership scenario they encounter. They prepare well, are present and stay in the moment, push themselves out of their comfort zones, and practice consistently. The 4 Ps also serve as an effective coaching tool.

In Chapters 3 through 9, you will learn how to apply the steps of the 4 Ps Process to confidently navigate typical workplace scenarios like leading people, especially in the new workplace; heading up projects; giving presentations; running and contributing to meetings; networking; communicating; coaching; and managing up. Each chapter includes a host of practical tools and approaches for you to immediately apply.

Chapter 10 addresses the many benefits you gain by focusing on your strengths.

Finally, the Study Guide at the end of the book helps you pull it all together by syncing up the 4 Ps with your next action steps so that you have a workable way forward. You will find helpful action plan templates and a brand-new Quiet Wrap-Up Journal to record your ideas and put them into practice.

You can read the chapters sequentially, or you can dive selectively into those chapters that pique your interest. My hope is that you will find the lessons contained here helpful on your leadership journey and that you will share your learning with others. The more awareness of introverted leadership we create, the more cultures will become inclusive. I hope you find the process productive and satisfying. Thank you for your willingness to grow and contribute to changing our workplaces for the better.

INTRODUCTION What Is an Introverted Leader?

Is it essential for you to have quiet time after being with people?

Do you sometimes feel that your voice is not heard?

Have you found that you are passed over for career opportunities?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be an introvert. It doesn’t mean you are shy, don’t enjoy people, or can’t collaborate with others. You probably draw your energy from within yourself. Most likely, you’re fine being with people, but after a while you become drained from expending social energy and are overly stimulated.

The model of successful leadership must expand from one that emphasizes extroversion to one that includes introverts. With the great problems our organizations face today, we are surely losing out by not tapping into more than half of our population and acknowledging the many gifts they contribute.

Introverts bring tremendous strengths to the challenges of leading a team. When they harness these quiet strengths, they can be powerful leaders. Introverts also have unique qualities that make them particularly suited to leading people toward great results. Many brilliant and accomplished leaders from all walks of life and professions have shown the way.

Respected figures such as Tim Cook, Apple CEO; Mary Barra, GM CEO; Oprah Winfrey, media entrepreneur; the late Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg; Jane Fonda, actress; Warren Buffett, investor; and Adam Grant, author, all are introverts.1 Other famous introverts from history include Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Martin Luther King Jr. They found ways to draw on their quiet power to achieve greatness.

Defining Introverts

Psychologist Carl Jung first defined introversion as energy being generated from within yourself.2 Think of your energy as if it were a battery. Extroverts charge their batteries by being with people. Introverts draw their battery power by going within.

At this point, it may be helpful to highlight the common characteristics of introverts and extroverts (see Table 1).

The Bell Curve

Most people typically fall somewhere in the middle range of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. Think of it as a bell curve. There are outliers, or people at extreme ends of the curve, but most of us lean slightly toward one side or the other. Where you are can be determined by how important it is for you to have a break after being with people. If you must have a break, then most likely you are more introverted. If taking a break from people is nice but not necessary, you may fall on the extroverted side.

TABLE 1: Common Characteristics of Introverts and extroverts

INTROVERTS

EXTROVERTS

Energized by solitude—must have breaks

Energized by other people—breaks are nice but not required

Reserved

Enthusiastic

Express thoughts after reflection

Express thoughts

Private at first

Share openly

Low-key facial expression

Expressive face

Prefer writing

Prefer talking

Like small-group, one-on-one, focused conversations

Prefer larger groups where they can move fast and change topics

Humble

Talk about their accomplishments

Need time to prepare

Wing it

Calm

Excited

Some research has been done on a concept called ambiversion.3 Similar to ambidextrous people who use either hand to write, ambiverts tend to shift between introversion and extroversion. An example is salespeople who must listen deeply (an introvert strength) and be able to talk enthusiastically about their products (an extrovert strength). We all have many different assets. It comes down to a matter of degree in how we use them.

Selecting Behavior over Labels

In my work with thousands of introverted leaders, I find that the most successful are those who are self-aware and understand their need to quietly reflect. They don’t get hung up on labels.

When assessing a situation, they select the best behaviors to use. The most effective introverted leaders are conscious of their choices. Sometimes it is speaking up, and sometimes it is deep listening. As you will read in this book, self-knowledge and self-acceptance yield strong results.

The Difference between Shyness and Introversion

Being introverted is not the same as being shy. Shyness is driven by social or psychological anxiety, and it can be debilitating. According to the American Psychological Association, shyness can “keep people from interacting with others even when they want or need to—leading to problems in relationships and at work.”4

As author Sophia Dembling explained on the Introvert Ally podcast, when you are shy you want to be social, but you are afraid to. She cited herself as an example of someone who is introverted but not shy. She does not need to be social, but she can be if needed. She is not afraid of socializing.

While shyness and introversion sometimes overlap, introversion is about how you are naturally wired. It is not a problem, a flaw, or something to overcome.

Many introverted leaders describe having been labeled as “shy” when they were children. They also say that gaining life experience helped them outgrow shyness, as they experimented with different ways of handling social situations.

Validating Introvert Strengths

I often ask for volunteers in my primarily introverted audiences to call out loud the strengths of introverts or to place them in the virtual chat. There is no shortage of answers as people let their words land aloud or on the screen. Starting like a light rain shower, they say “Observers, listeners.” And then, a torrent emerges: “Writers, humorists, reflectors. Calm, resilient,” and so on.

In person, you can see people sit up straighter as the list of introvert talents and contributions gets longer and they are reminded of their abilities.

Now Is the Time for Introverted Leaders

Before I deliver a speech or begin a training program, I usually connect with a representative cross section of people who will be attending. I ask about their challenges. Their passionate responses reflect themes, such as not being heard, and biases— both hidden and overt—toward people like themselves who are not the first ones to talk or who don’t exhibit high energy. In Chapter 1, Six Key Challenges for Introverts, I describe those obstacles in detail. Perhaps you will relate to some of them.

Introverted leaders can harness their quiet strengths to meet these challenges. Expanding the model of leadership beyond one based on extroversion can also yield several key benefits, including the following:

Solving pressing problems: Introverts’ strengths help organizations innovate, compete, and lead in a global, digital, and diverse marketplace. The creativity and brainpower of introverts are needed to inspire new ideas, challenge the status quo, and solve pressing world problems, such as alleviating climate change and curing cancer. These qualities will help our teams and organizations succeed.

Increasing engagement: Introverts make up between 40 percent and 60 percent of the workforce, and in some professions, they are even higher in numbers. For instance, 80 percent of educators are introverts.5 According to Gallup, 70 percent of workers worldwide are not engaged.6 We can’t afford to miss this huge opportunity to tap into introvert power. By engaging introverts, retention increases as people tend to stay with organizations where they are contributing, are recognized, and have a sense of belonging.

Creating productive workspaces: Workplaces that address introverts’ needs offer spaces for both collaboration and solitude. They also make flexible work options available. Office spaces that benefit productivity are performance boosters for everyone—introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts.

Enabling extroverts to tap into their introverted side: As introverts gain respect and recognition, extroverted colleagues tend to become more aware of their own quiet strengths. By taking even a short pause, for instance, extroverts optimize their own performance and hear the thoughts of others, which benefits the entire organization.

Accomplishing more together: Diverse teams can accomplish more than homogenous teams. Genius opposites, those introverts and extroverts who achieve strong results, offer a range of solutions and brainpower to clients and customers that is exponential in impact.

We face tremendous challenges and great opportunities in our workplaces and in the world at large. Our organizations, teams, individuals, and ultimately our planet benefit when we highlight and harness these introvert strengths, reaping the broad range of introvert talent available to us.

CHAPTER 1 Six Key Challenges for Introverts

The Challenges

Imagine this scenario: For the fifth time at the staff meeting, the team leader asks what questions people have. A group of emerging leaders, mostly engineers, falls silent. Rather than engage people by requesting that they review materials prior to the meeting and write down their ideas and questions before speaking, the leader runs the meeting as she always has. She moves through the agenda quickly, expecting people to speak up voluntarily and share ideas aloud.

This delivery strategy is geared toward extroverts—and they aren’t even in the room. The result? The leader moved forward with actions based on her own ideas, with little input, buy-in, and commitment from the group. Consequently, they felt overlooked and ignored.

This scene is all too common. While introverts increasingly recognize and own their strengths, it is hard to push through the deep-rooted, often subtle bias that caters to extroverts’ preferences.

For much of the past century, organizations have privileged the outspoken and gregarious to the exclusion of the quiet and introspective. Many organizations have not rewarded leadership as much as “loudership.” And they have paid a price. By overlooking and undermining introverts in the workplace, companies have wasted untold potential.

The traditional view of leaders is that they speak confidently and assertively, and they clamor to be the center of attention. They take control, shoot from the hip, and lay it on the line. We still live in a world where the extroverted “ideal” rules.1

As you will see in this book, the research loudly and clearly refutes this assumption.

Naming the Challenges

In our studies, six key themes emerge as significant barriers for introverted leaders:

People exhaustion

A fast pace

Getting interrupted

Pressure to self-promote

An overemphasis on teams

Negative impressions

Naming these challenges is an important first step toward change, as many organizational leaders proceed with minimal consciousness, expecting people to conform to extroverted expectations. When we bring these challenges into the light of day, we can start to address them.

People Exhaustion

In a survey of one hundred introverts conducted by my company, more than 90 percent said they suffered from “people exhaustion.” I’ve seen a constant stream of data confirming this finding. It isn’t that introverts don’t like or can’t be with people. In fact, they enjoy people.

Rather, it’s a matter of degree. Their reserves of “outward” energy tend to get depleted more quickly in high-volume interactions. This is different from extroverts, who often report being depleted and fatigued when they don’t experience enough people time.

The “people time” threshold is different for everyone, but being outgoing, conversational, and highly engaged can be stressful for introverts. Part of a leader’s role is to connect with people, and without awareness and tools to manage their energy, introverts can become exhausted.

Fatigue, even a sense of dread, can set in before meetings and networking events. One introverted manager, tongue in cheek, said, “I would rather stay home with a bad book that I have already read than face one of those awful cocktail receptions.”

EXERCISE: THE FORCED SMILE

Try this exercise. Put a wide grin on your face and show your teeth. Hold it for at least five seconds. How does it feel to force that smile? It probably feels very uncomfortable. That kind of fake smiling is something that introverts feel forced to do multiple times a day. If you are an introvert, this probably feels very uncomfortable. If you are an extrovert, this should give you a glimpse into the introvert experience.

A Fast Pace

Despite the growth of technology—or maybe because of it—the frenetic pace of life at work and at home is a common complaint. And often, remote work and hybrid work have created no boundaries between these lives.

You might feel pressure from your manager, team, or organization to do fast turnarounds when you don’t feel you have collected all the necessary data. Meetings are often scheduled back-to-back. As an introvert, you probably prefer to reflect on issues and ideas and to take more time to consider decisions, despite pressure to make them quickly.

Getting Interrupted

Many clients and readers of my books express frustration at being cut off, especially in meetings. “I don’t ever get to finish my thoughts before an extrovert jumps in with theirs,” they say. Introverts often find they can’t get their ideas into the mix until after the meeting, when it may be too late to be heard.2

This is especially commonplace for women in male-dominated meetings when the accepted norm is to interrupt. Women who are introverted may not jump into the discussion quickly because they think that is being impolite. They report that when they are not able to express their ideas in a public forum like a meeting, they are perceived as not having much to contribute. This can result in double bias—being passed over as an introvert and as a woman.

It is not only women who experience this bias. Men also are slammed with this criticism, as consultant Ed Frauenheim and I discovered in our research on quiet men. Not speaking quickly enough, or filling in pauses, rubs against the expectation that men should be “large and in charge.”3

As an introvert, you also are likely to appreciate the power of the pause, which provides you with a chance to catch your breath and think. However, when you pause, extroverts and fast talkers often think you have finished speaking, even when you are not done expressing yourself.

Introverts say that when they do speak up, their ideas often get passed over or hijacked by more aggressive people around them. Some also complain about their ideas not sticking. One seasoned IT leader said that “even poorly designed proposals floated in a public forum seem to have more staying power than those sent out in an email later.” In his organization, people are judged by verbal input, which he says has been a detriment to his career advancement.

Pressure to Self-Promote

Many introverted leaders say they don’t see the need to promote themselves or talk about their accomplishments. “The Undersell” was ranked as a top challenge in one of our surveys. When discussing how they refrain from self-promotion, one senior leader said, “An extrovert might easily sell themselves in a favorable light, but I keep waiting for that phone call.”

Discomfort with networking and a tendency toward humility can make self-promotion a challenge for many introverts. In addition, they value privacy, so blasting their accomplishments on social media feels uncomfortable. This can be a difficult issue when competing with their extroverted peers, who are highly visible on these channels.

One leader of several introverts told me something I hear often from other time-pressured leaders: “I don’t have the time to figure out who has achieved what. I give opportunities to those who tell me what they are doing without my having to ask.” And often it is the extroverts who speak up to let everyone know what they are doing.

An Overemphasis on Teams

Think about the last work situation where you were productive. How much time was spent talking with others, and how much time was spent creating, writing, and producing work on your own? Probably mostly the latter, right?

When people collaborate to brainstorm ideas, think aloud, and feed off others’ ideas, it can be invigorating and productive. However, many are starting to question whether we have gone too far in this direction, neglecting to consider the value of time for solitary thinking, reflection, and creation.

While teamwork can be helpful, it requires a lot of people interaction. It takes effort—more outward energy than inward energy.

Susan Cain, author of Quiet, coined the term New Group-think, a phenomenon that has the potential to stifle productivity and “insists that creativity and intellectual achievement come from a very gregarious place.”4

So, while teams can bring diverse perspectives and skills to a project, structuring team processes to bring out the best ideas from introverts could be a much better way to accomplish goals. We address that idea in Chapter 6, Leading and Participating in Meetings.

Negative Impressions

Introverts often tend to show less emotion in their facial expressions than extroverts. Introverts are often asked, “What’s wrong?” even when nothing is the matter. They’re usually just thinking. A concept called the perception gap offers one way to view how these impressions are formed.

The perception gap occurs when the feelings or attitudes you intend to project are misread by the receiver of your communication. For example, perhaps you want to show interest in a person who is talking. But because you don’t nod your head and react with animated facial expressions, your extroverted conversational partner thinks that you are bored. They leave the interaction assuming you lack interest in their topic even when that’s not the case.

In our surveys, we asked introverted leaders to report what labels have been used by others (mostly extroverts), who have misread their facial appearance and demeanor, to describe them. Their answers included “pushover, bored, slow, snobby, unmotivated, indecisive, unhappy, cold, and unfeeling.” In one stark example, a coaching client told me that because she was quiet and listening at a meeting, her team thought she was hatching a nefarious plot with their boss!

Another note on gender here: Women who are introverts report that men often judge them as being “cold and unfeeling.” Other women often consider them “stuck up.” This is another example of the perception gap, where intention doesn’t match what is read.

Next Steps

This book provides many practical ideas and suggestions for addressing these six challenges. You may decide to share your experience of these challenges with your manager and coworkers to help them better understand what you experience as an introvert.

Or you could decide to do nothing at all. You have choices as to how you respond to your reality, and I want to provide you with as many options as possible to increase your effectiveness and help you stay true to the real you.

CHAPTER 2 Unlocking Success: The 4 Ps Process

For introverts who want to strengthen their role as a leader, myriad steps and strategies are available to choose from. How do you get a handle on what to do without getting overwhelmed?

Consider a framework called the 4 Ps Process. It is an easy-to-remember road map that builds on research conducted with thousands of successful introverted leaders. With application to almost any leadership scenario, the four steps that address the six challenges outlined in Chapter 1 are prepare, presence, push, and practice (see Figure 1).

FIGURE 1: The 4 Ps Process

An Overview of the 4 Ps

Prepare

Preparation is the first step. It is the series of actions that play to the introvert’s “sweet spot” by doing what comes naturally. Examples include writing thoughtful questions prior to a meeting, reading the résumé of a job candidate before interviewing them, or researching a client prior to a sales meeting. Preparation gives you confidence to handle situations as they emerge.

Presence

Presence, the second step, refers to being present in a way that allows you to be with people. Because you’re not preoccupied with the past or worrying about the future, you are engaged, and others see you that way. You will glean more from an experience when “you are where your feet are.”

Examples of presence include glancing up from your laptop when a team member asks you a question, calling out a keen observation at a meeting, or switching gears during a presentation when the audience is not responsive.

Push

Push is the third step. This likely puts you outside your comfort zone. Examples of push include attending a professional event when you’d rather stay home, initiating a conversation with a coworker, or approaching your boss for a raise.

Practice

Practice is the fourth step. You seize opportunities to practice new behaviors. Virtuoso violinist Joshua Bell and great Olympic champions like gymnast Simone Biles practice continually, even though they are already at the top. Engaging in conversational icebreakers, facilitating meetings, and telling stories all take a great deal of practice to master.

Using the 4 Ps

Apply It to a Current Challenge

Talk with your manager, coach, or mentor to decide which skills are working for you and which ones you need to improve. For instance, if you are having a challenge being heard in meetings, you might want to make that your goal. So, turn to Chapter 6, Leading and Participating in Meetings, and review the suggestions there. Using the tips from that chapter, and applying the 4 Ps, you might craft a plan like this:

My Goal: To be heard in meetings.

Prepare: Prepare questions after reviewing the agenda. Reflect on what I can contribute to the discussion. Write down a few talking points. Arrive early.

Presence: Speak up in the first five minutes.

Push: Ask a relevant question. Make a key point. Summarize what has been said.

Practice: Try these techniques at my next meeting and note the results. What specifically worked well? What will I do differently next time to be even more effective?

Use the 4 Ps for Ongoing Challenges

Once you have mastered an area, apply the 4 Ps Process to a current challenge. Decide which P to focus on, and go for it! Track and celebrate your progress.

Coach Others

The 4 Ps Process is also useful when coaching others. Together with the person you’re coaching, decide where the P opportunity is, then craft a plan to develop their skills.

Questions to Help You Apply the 4 Ps

Prepare

How has preparation helped you in the last month?

How can you prepare now for an upcoming leadership or people scenario?

Presence

Who do you know who exhibits strong presence? What behaviors do they show? What positive impact does this have on you and others?

What distractions can you eliminate to be more present?

Push

How have you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone this past week? What did it feel like? What impact did it have?

How might you consider pushing yourself this week? What step could you take to feel some necessary discomfort?

Practice

What people or leadership skill have you been practicing? How is it working?

What strength can you focus on this week?

Some 4 Ps Case Examples

Many strong examples of introverted leaders who’ve successfully applied elements of the 4 Ps Process can be found throughout the book; but to get you started, here are a few examples of leaders consciously upping their skills.

Prepare

Carolyn, a young digital media leader, uses preparation to buffer her anxiety before presentations. She writes extensive notes, including specific phrases she will use. Carolyn finds that if she writes these down beforehand, she can mentally bring up the entire paragraph when she glances down at her notes.

Presence

Jose met the COO of a company he had recently joined. He admittedly was intimidated, as the COO was a person of influence who was several reporting levels above him. “She looked straight at me and asked intelligent questions that showed sincere interest,” he said. “Though there were many more senior people around, I felt as though I was the only one in the room. I had her complete attention.” Her focus on their conversation inspired Jose to recommit to his work.

Push

Tony Bond, chief innovation officer, was once criticized for being “quiet” in a sales strategy meeting at a former company. He’d been trying to listen to other points of view. But competing for attention and seeking to dominate conversations were prized by his peers in this culture. Tony, though, refused to change his identity to became a top dog. “I dug my heels in,” he said. “I don’t really care what the expectation is. I’m just going to be who I am.” That took some guts; to rub against the prevailing norm. But he ultimately achieved success and moved up to higher positions of responsibility.

Practice

At a professional conference, Jill Chang, a Taiwanese executive and introverted author of Quiet Is a Superpower,1 stood for a few moments at the front door of a cocktail event. She knew that joining in the loud partying wasn’t her style. Jill returned to her hotel room and researched the list of guests attending the conference.

Jill zeroed in on potential clients and sent them private chats inviting them to meet for coffee the next day. The meetings proved to be very rewarding. One of the contacts brought in three hundred clients for her business. Jill has used this approach at other large events and realized that this way of networking is much more impactful for her introverted nature.

As you move ahead and step into your quiet strength, try not to get overwhelmed. Use the 4 Ps to take one step at a time. The process is not about trying to turn yourself into an extrovert or trying to beat extroverts at their own game. It’s about enhancing your people skills so that you can be the best leader you are meant to be.

CHAPTER 3 Leading People and Projects

Rumors of strategic changes that would affect shift work and overtime had people at the auto parts plant on edge. The mood in the break room was tense as Peter, an introverted vice president of manufacturing, walked in and approached the employees gathered there.

“How’s your mama?” he earnestly asked one young worker. Peter’s body language was attentive as he listened to the employee describe the progress his mother had made since her illness the previous year. These kinds of conversations continued with others as Peter made his way around the room.

Later that day, Peter gave a more formal update on the state of the company, then invited questions. As he answered, he neither talked down to those assembled nor glossed over the uncertain times ahead.

He listened to concerns and directly addressed overtime issues. And he committed to keeping people in the company informed. When he walked back to his waiting car, I took the opportunity to ask several of the workers about their impressions of Peter. The consensus was “He’s cool.”

Peter had quiet presence. He had learned an important lesson about getting work done. People care about being treated as more than cogs in a machine. They want to matter. By being genuine and showing a sincere interest in their top-of-mind issues (both personal and work related), Peter’s honest communication built trust and connection.

Can Introverts Really Be Leaders?

How do introverted leaders do it? This chapter is about being a successful leader in an organization. Let’s start with that elephant-in-the-room question asked by extroverts and introverts alike: Can introverts really be leaders?

The answer? Yes, of course. Hell, yes!

Surveys of people in top corporate leadership show that engineering, finance, and operations are the most common pathways to the top, including CEO positions. Plenty of data exists that these professional roles are staffed by high numbers of analytical, introverted people.

Many of the leaders who have presided over astonishing gains in the performance of their companies would hardly be described as “extroverts.” Such leaders mostly combine the introvert’s tenacity and focus on the business with humility and a willingness to share leadership.

An often-cited research study1 found that “extroverted leaders can actually be a liability for a company’s performance, especially if the followers are extroverts, too.” In short, new projects can’t blossom into profitability if the leader is too busy being outgoing to listen to or act on anyone’s ideas. An introverted leader, the researchers say, is more likely to listen to and process the ideas of an eager team. However, if an introvert is leading mostly passive followers, it “may start to resemble a Quaker meeting, lots of contemplation but hardly any talk,” they wrote. To that end, a team of passive followers might benefit from an extroverted leader.2

Grant, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, says introverts “tend to be less threatened by others’ ideas. And they’ll collect a lot of them before determining a vision.” He also said, “Introverted leaders . . . are more likely to listen carefully to suggestions and support employees’ efforts to be proactive.”3

I have found this in my own work with introverted leaders. Their patience, calm demeanor, and thoughtful presence create an open, inviting space for the talkers in the crowd to explore their ideas out loud.

Another study found introverts’ contributions are more appreciated because they exceed the low expectations of people who believe introverts are withdrawn and may be too anxious to live up to their potential.

Some have the misconception that they contribute little and drag down colleagues’ morale. Researchers in that study found, in fact, it was not the case that introverts “contribute less than team members expect and the contributions they do make are not valued highly over time.”4

Reframing the Traits of Strong Leaders

The traits of successful leaders get a lot of attention. Daniel Goleman, author of the best seller Emotional Intelligence, defines good bosses as “great listeners, encouragers, communicators, and courageous. They have a sense of humor, show empathy, are decisive, take responsibility, are humble, and share authority.”5

Bad bosses, on the other hand, are blank walls, he says. They’re doubters, secretive, and intimidating. They allow themselves to be ruled by their tempers and tend to be self-centered, indecisive, and arrogant. In addition, they blame others and show mistrust.

Introverts are no more likely to be good or bad bosses than extroverts. For example, introverts might be more likely to exhibit traits such as listening, while a trait like friendliness might be more overt in extroverts. But all traits are typically mixed and matched. Humor, for example, can be just as much a part of the introvert’s repertoire as it is for extroverts. Introvert Warren Buffett was asked what he wanted written on his tombstone. With the hint of a smile, he didn’t skip a beat: “God, he was old!”6

Let’s look at how introverts can build on their leadership strength by using the 4 Ps. Figure 2, at the end of the chapter, is a summary of the steps you can take to practice strengthening your leadership muscle. Refer to it often.

Prepare

Stepping into a management role can be exciting, but also a bit scary. While it’s great to be recognized for your accomplishments, you’re giving up what you do well to venture into a land of ambiguity. You might wonder if you’re up to the task.

Stewart Stokes puts it well:

Managing this “toughest transition” means, first, giving up some of what you know, like to do, and that provides you with a great deal of job satisfaction and self-esteem. Second, it means taking on some of what you do not know, are not sure you will like, and that may not (at least initially) do much for your job satisfaction and self-esteem. Third, it means moving from working on tasks where there is some certainty, specificity, and even some “answers.”7

Getting training, coaching, and mentoring will increase your chances of leading and managing others successfully. Several other steps can help prepare you for leadership responsibilities as they morph and change. And because we never stop growing, these steps are valid throughout the many phases of a leadership journey.

Consider these suggestions as you prepare for your leadership role:

Know yourself.

Build your team.

Create an introvert-friendly hiring process.

Allow for breaks.

Know Yourself

The Benefits of Knowing Yourself

To manage others, it’s important to first manage yourself. Knowing yourself means understanding how to channel your strengths as a leader and being aware of weaknesses. Research with more than sixty senior HR professionals found that the advantages of self-awareness are far-reaching.8

Dr. Jonathon Holloway, former president of Rutgers University, said, “My ego is not invested in every decision. My self-awareness brings better decisions.”9

Introverted leaders who are self-aware and who self-disclose can also better connect with their employees. Doug Conant, former Campbell’s Company CEO, said:

One of the best ways I’ve found to help people overcome their discomfort around my behavior is to simply declare myself. I tell them, “If you see me looking aloof, please understand that I’m shy, and I need you to call me out.” By declaring myself in this way, I’ve found other people quickly, and compassionately, adapt to my style.

I’ve also found that doing this helps people become much more comfortable about declaring themselves to me.

. . . After I declared myself to one new hire, he confided to me that he was a recently divorced father with two boys, and that he needed to have extra flexibility at work. I told him to make whatever arrangements he needed to meet the demands of his job and his family.

Over the ensuing years, he went the extra mile for our company because we had declared ourselves to each other early on.10

Chris Jones, a partner at Silicon Valley Product Group and a former product executive at major technology firms, is committed to holding regular one-on-one meetings with his team. Like Doug Conant, his own self-awareness allows himself to be vulnerable, and his team opens up to him about important issues.

Blind Spots

Self-awareness can also highlight your blind spots. Take Rachel, a senior finance director who raised her hand at a leadership seminar and said, “I am an introvert and try to avoid meetings. Now that I am running a department of mostly introverts, I find everyone is perfectly fine with not meeting and would prefer to conduct all business via email. I am concerned this might become a problem: never meeting to discuss issues!”

The rest of the group of introverted leaders smiled in recognition. They advised Rachel to schedule face-to-face time with her team so that she could clarify roles and work challenges. Though she disliked meetings, Rachel realized that this was a potential blind spot and was willing to change for the good of her team.

The late C. J. Dorgeloh, an experienced project manager, said:

I am much more comfortable behind the scenes. As a project leader, there are times when I can be very quiet, taking it all in. This can hamper my effectiveness as a leader if I’m not aware of addressing it. The group may view this as confusion or lack of direction, so I need to consciously verbalize more often than I naturally would to keep them in the loop and things moving.11

C. J. stayed on top of her blind spot by stepping into her team’s shoes, and as a result, she flexed her style when necessary.

Build Your Team

Susan Schmitt is a former group vice president and head of Human Resources at Applied Materials. She also spent many years at Rockwell Automation as the senior VP of Human Resources. Prior to joining Rockwell, she had come to understand that having a separate diversity and inclusion strategy outside of a talent strategy did not make sense.12 To help employees understand how to navigate their careers and development priorities, Susan and her team created a Suitability Model, a natural, intuitive way of assessing capability against role requirements.

It was fundamentally more helpful than the traditional competency models they had employed, which left people and people managers confused about what really mattered when assessing people for new roles and opportunities.

A key element was temperament. It meant that in making talent management decisions, the model didn’t consider whether someone was likable; it considered whether their temperament was a potential derailer or an asset to the specific role.

“The main thing that matters on temperament: Is there any element of this person’s temperament, nature, or behavior that will impair them in this particular role or a future role?” Susan explained. For instance, are they too aggressive or not aggressive enough for a role as the manager of a team of engineers? Are they more of an individual contributor, or someone who brings teams together? In essence, how might their temperament work for or against them in that role?

Susan gave the example of a new hire who appeared to have low energy during the interview process and was probably introverted. “She was somewhat slow in her responses, thoughtful, and reflective, which led some interviewers to think she may not be right for the role we were recruiting for. But her skills, knowledge, experience, and education were super strong, and her capacity for complexity and conceptual capability were outstanding,” she told me. The team hired her.

“This hire became a success story, and she ended up becoming a vice president. Had she been dinged for her low-affect personality in that first interview, think of the lost contributions,” Susan said.

To ensure that people with introverted personality types are included and embraced within your organization, make certain that introversion is a key dimension of diversity within your larger talent management strategy. This would establish that an introverted candidate who didn’t come across as the kind of person an interviewer would “like to have a beer with” wouldn’t get shot down for that reason.

Create an Introvert-Friendly Hiring Process

These hiring tips can help you prepare for interviews and ensure that you are setting the stage for introverted candidates to show you their best selves.

Prep the room. Avoid blazing lights and noisy areas. Putting a desk between you and the candidate interferes with rapport, but sitting too close can be off-putting for introverts who value personal space. Try sitting kitty-corner to create the right amount of intimacy. If it’s a group interview, seat the candidate at the middle of the table rather than at its head, so they feel less scrutinized and can make eye contact with everyone. In virtual interviews, be sure that the audio and video are set up correctly.

Schedule adequate time. If you schedule yourself too tightly between interviews, you’ll likely feel pressured and impatient if the person doesn’t talk quickly enough.

Introverted candidates are likely to pause before answering questions, and they may not fight for conversational space. Time before and after the interview will also allow you to write notes, reflect on impressions, and jot down questions.

Attend to energy levels. One hiring manager said that she noticed her more introverted candidates were “not the same people at the end of the day. They deflated without a chance for breaks and with back-to-back interviews.” To avoid overwhelming the candidate, plan the day of interviews so that only the most relevant people are included. Prevent exposure to too many people who are not essential to their job. Consider breaking up a packed interview schedule into two days.

Check your bias. If you are more extroverted, beware of projecting your bias about introverts onto the candidate by wishing they spoke faster or showed more emotion. If you’re an introvert, you most likely will be comfortable with a slower pace, pauses, and the possible self-effacing stance of an introverted interviewee. But you still need to check yourself for confirmation bias, that is, the tendency to seek answers that support your case and point of view while minimizing other important responses. Consider how comfortable you feel with a person who mirrors your style, and try to diversify your pool of candidates by being open to everyone.

Remember to paraphrase. Reflecting back what you heard gives candidates a chance to modify or validate what they said. It also offers a needed pause to the introvert so that they can process what is being said in a reflective way, clarify their thoughts, and round out their responses.

Use new AI hiring tools (cautiously). Digital interviews can record verbal and nonverbal cues of candidates and analyze them against position criteria.

Organizations like Unilever have gone “all in” using AI in their hiring, and they report increases in their applicant pool and applicant diversity, among other positive results. But there is a large potential downside for introverts and others that should be considered.

Looking at gender diversity, for example, many of the AI algorithms are designed by men and bear hidden biases against women candidates.13 It is not a stretch to imagine that AI screening tools could also bear unintentional biases against introverted candidates and those from other diverse groups.

“Algorithmic bias can spread on a massive scale,” said Joy Buolamwini, a computer scientist who makes the case for ensuring that people from all backgrounds and areas of diversity are involved in the development of these algorithms before they can be considered truly inclusive.14

Allow for Breaks

In addition to taking the hiring process into account, leaders can build in space to allow introverts to prepare and think.

Chuck, a project manager, says that when he creates the right environment, “There is no difference in performance between extroverts and introverts.” He changes his style somewhat with introverts, however, spending “a few minutes creating a short but very clear request or description of the problem.”

After presenting it to the team and giving them a time frame for a solution, he walks away. This allows them to internalize the challenge, process information, and deliver an answer without feeling they must come up with a response on the spot. He also has started using that approach successfully with extroverted managers so that they don’t give him “the first answer that comes to their minds.”

Jia is an introvert who reads the signs in meetings for when a break is necessary, which allows the introverts to process the stimuli coming at them. Everyone comes back with clearer minds, refreshed and recharged.

Presence

Being present with people and projects is an essential part of being an introverted leader. As you practice leadership presence, here are some key strategies to build on your quiet strength:

Walk around.

Write it down.

Listen like a leader.

Have spontaneous conversations.

Flex your approach.

Observe to make decisions.

Walk Around

A management strategy that gained popularity in the ’80s was MBWA—Management By Walking Around. The idea was to encourage managers to get out of their offices and engage with people. With so many complex distractions in today’s work environment, it can feel daunting to take the time to be visible.

But even if you must schedule it on your calendar, talking to the people who work with you can have tremendous payoffs in trust and clear communication.

Bob Quinn is an introverted HR manager who believes in respect and inclusion. When Bob oversaw a merger, he met with each affected person and listened to their concerns. He also spoke with top managers and designed an integrated team from scratch. “By the day of the merger, everyone knew exactly what they would be doing,” Bob said. He also arranged for brunches to take place in each office, gave each new associate a bottle of wine, and appointed buddies to help the newly integrated employees understand the existing culture. “I received some of the nicest thank-you notes that I have ever received from the people who chose to [leave after the merger].” Bob knew things were going well, he said, when a formerly hostile mid-level manager who was leaving the company told him: “You’re not so bad.”

Write It Down

Jon, my former boss, combined preparation and presence by creating a conversational aid. He carried index cards with the names of each direct report written at the top. During the week, he wrote feedback, questions, and ideas, using his lists as an agenda as he stopped in to chat with each of us. We kidded Jon about his detailed approach, but we were also curious about what he had written on our cards! By being prepared for productive conversations and able to be present, he recognized us. We all knew that our work mattered to Jon.

A successful introverted program manager recommends recording the names of people you compliment and the frequency. What is measured is often what gets done, so it will likely increase the amount of positive feedback you give. If you cringe at the idea of spontaneous, face-to-face meetings, write down your talking points. You will feel more prepared and establish presence with those on your team.

Listen Like a Leader

The ability to be truly present with another person is one of the marks of effective leadership, and introverts shine at building one-on-one connections. Can you remember a time someone asked about your life and your work concerns in a sincere and genuine way? When that person listened to your answer, didn’t you feel as if you were the only one in the room? People rarely get the chance to receive the gift of true listening.

Scott, an introverted director of business development, says that because he harnesses the power of listening, people open up to him “without hesitation.” He is reserved and quiet, which allows him to gather information easily, ask pointed questions, analyze the answers, and articulate a direction at the opportune time.

Listening has been a common refrain in the many interviews I have conducted with thriving introverted leaders. They make comments like this:

“I listen to my clients and what they want. I won the business because he felt heard and trusted.”

—Iain Wilke, Quiet Leadership coach; former partner at Ernst & Young

“Listening is my superpower.”

—Johanna Vondeling, consultant; former president and publisher at Berrett-Koehler

“Listening allows me to have more dots to connect and to develop a refined world view.”

—Steve Glaviski, entrepreneur and productivity coach

Have Spontaneous Conversations

In a time when we all are looking down at our phones, spontaneous conversations are less frequent. But when you engage with people, you can learn so much and reap unanticipated benefits.

During a cross-country flight, I sat next to Jamie, who works as a ticketing manager for a theater in Atlanta, my hometown. We chatted about acts I had seen there. Several months later, I watched my favorite dance company perform, thanks to my new friend’s generous gift of house seats. Random conversations can lead to tangible results.

After I spoke at an American Library Association convention, I received an email from a woman named Beth, a self-described introvert. Beth wrote about her experience with spontaneous conversations:

Vegas (where the convention was held) was a hard town to be in as an introvert. That night, as I hailed a cab, I was overly tired and just wanted to get to the hotel and away from the crush of people. The cabbie started talking with me, something I generally avoid. But I thought about practicing engaged listening and decided I would try it. It turns out that we had an amazing conversation about the educational system in Nevada.

Beth was grateful she took the time to listen and learn.

Flex Your Approach

So, you have put your team in place, or you have inherited a team. First, get a handle on the styles, skill sets, and other preferences of those you will be leading. If you have been promoted from within the group, you might already have these insights.

Build on your preparation strength to consider how you will approach people. For instance, let’s say you want to get your team on board with a big project. Shana focuses on facts and details. Aziz listens for the big picture and wants to connect the dots. Knowing these differences will help you discuss ideas and assignments in a way that is most meaningful for each employee. You would describe the project with lots of detail for Shana and draw big-picture themes for Aziz. They will understand you because you are flexing to their preferred styles.

Whether you are leading a cross-functional team or an intact team, knowing who tips toward the introvert or extrovert side of the spectrum is also part of the leadership equation. Introverts want time to prepare, quiet periods during the day, privacy, and a slower pace. Ryan Jenkins, an introvert and coauthor of Connectable,15 says his time for solitude allows him “to rise above the noise, and quiet everything down . . . removing exterior input allows me to become more self-directed.”16

Extroverts need opportunities to talk things out, including drop-in social time. Look for chances to put extroverts with other people where they can tap into this needed stimulation. Consider scheduling face-to-face time or videoconferences with them so that they don’t deflate.

ALSO, HAVE THESE OPEN-ENDED, RAPPORT-BUILDING QUESTIONS READY

“What has been keeping you busy lately?”

“What is a favorite project that you have been working on?”

“Have you read any good books or watched any interesting shows lately?”

“What are you looking forward to doing this weekend?”

“Is there a topic you’ve been curious about lately?”

Observe to Make Decisions

You can use your introvert strength of observation to know when plans need to change. Bruce, a laid-back software engineer, watched his boss, Derrick, do this at a big trade show in Singapore. Bruce’s job assignment was to chat up visitors who stopped by the booth, and then turn them over to Derrick to close the sale. But Bruce’s conversations with those who stopped by lacked momentum. The icebreakers he had prepared went only so far, and people lost interest and moved on to other booths.

Derrick, the boss, made a wise, in-the-moment decision. He switched positions with Bruce and became the greeter, bringing his “catches” back to Bruce, who could answer technical questions. Derrick saved the situation and gathered potential prospects. Derrick and Bruce worked together to successfully nail a few big accounts. I call this phenomenon Cast the Character, which means placing the right person in the right role.

One introverted Dutch manager told me that her US team is more sensitive to direct feedback, but her employees in the Netherlands expect her to provide ongoing constructive comments. She must adjust her approach with each group to be effective. Taking these cultural differences into account is another way to enhance your leadership style.

What Rewards Do People Want?

Also keep in mind that not all team members want to receive praise in the same way. Knowing people’s preferences for rewards is helpful. So, how do you know what they prefer?

It’s simple. Ask them. Extroverts, who thrive on people energy, might like comments you make to them in front of the group. Introverts might prefer less visibility, like a quiet off-line comment. One introverted researcher I partnered with requested I send an email to his boss and the senior leaders on his team. That still got him the kudos with the people who counted, and I avoided putting him on the spot.

Push

In amplifying your leadership strengths, you can address one change at a time. Ask yourself which skill can help you achieve the most important challenges you face. Becoming adept at leading people and projects involves building on what you do naturally along with some strategic tools.

Here are three leadership strategies that can push you toward both discomfort and growth. Let’s look at each of them:

Be assertive.

Delegate.

Manage conflict.

Be Assertive

Mary Barra has been the CEO of General Motors for a decade and was number 1 on the 2024 edition of Fortune’s 100 Most Powerful Women in Business list. As a young engineer, she confronted an assembly worker who directed a wolf whistle in her direction. “What are you doing?” she asked. He was trying to attract her attention, he told her. She requested that in the future he do that by saying “Hi.”17 This simple yet assertive statement resulted in more respectful greetings from him, and according to Barra, the catcalls from other men in the plant diminished. Being an introvert, as Mary Barra is, shouldn’t limit your ability to assert yourself.

Assertiveness is often incorrectly confused with aggressiveness. Assertiveness is characterized by mutual respect and clear, open, and honest communication. Aggressive behavior, on the other hand, is disrespectful and shuts people down. Introverts show us that you don’t have to “raise your volume to have a voice,” as author Susan Cain wrote on the cover of Quiet Influence.18

Rosa Parks, the 42-year-old seamstress and civil rights hero, exhibited true assertiveness when she made the decision to go against the law and sit in the White section of the bus in Montgomery, Alabama. Her quiet courage led to a widespread bus boycott that ultimately struck down the segregation laws on buses throughout the land.19

For The Genius of Opposites, we studied pairs of workplace introverts and extroverts. The introverts’ steady, intentional persistence often made the difference in their success. On one sales team, introverted Brian stood in the back of the room, quietly checking in with prospects and responding to their questions. His teammate, Audrey, used her extroverted talent to make an exuberant pitch from the stage. Brian was assertive by following up with his key target customers for months and, in some cases, years. He closed most of the deals through his persistence and follow-through.

Referring to his low-key role in the popular duo Hall & Oates, introvert Daryl Hall acknowledged his brand of assertiveness and the important role he plays by saying, “You can’t have a sunset without the horizon.”20

Beware the Passive-Aggressive Trap

Because introverts sometimes leave their feelings unexpressed, their anger and frustration can come out indirectly. This type of behavior is often termed passive-aggressive, and usually isn’t effective.

Here are some hypotheticals. You might respond to your boss’s request to stay late with the silent treatment or an eye roll. Being passive-aggressive in asking for a raise might include sending a complaint about your large workload in a long, detailed email, without specifically asking for what you want. Another example of passive-aggressive behavior is being slow to respond to requests for help from a person who took credit for your work on a past project.

While passive-aggressive behavior might make you feel relieved in the short term, your goals won’t be accomplished. By being direct—saying what you mean and asking for what you want—you have a much better chance of getting your needs met. Introverted leaders can do this quite well.

Setting Boundaries

Being assertive also means setting boundaries. Here are some other possible scenes you may have encountered, with suggestions for how to handle them.

The boss wants you to work late for the third time this week. It could be time to say, “No, I can’t, because I have commitments at home.”

You believe you deserve a raise. You persist in following up with your “ask” even though you were turned down the previous quarter.

Someone takes credit for your work on a project. You thank them for highlighting the project and explain to the team what you were proud of having accomplished.

You report to multiple bosses. Several requests come in to you simultaneously. You ask them to coordinate the requests with their peers in order to prioritize your work.

There are countless opportunities to speak up for yourself. Figure out when it is important to set boundaries, and find ways to express yourself that are respectful and firm.

Coach Others to Assert Themselves

As a leader, being assertive can also be a way to advocate for employees. Melinda Gates, chair of the Melinda French Gates Foundation, makes a point of speaking up in support of female colleagues “when a man restates something that a woman already said or talks over her at a meeting.”21 And she calls herself out when she falls into that behavior herself.

You can also support introverts on your team when they don’t feel comfortable asserting themselves. Bill Stainton, a professional speaker and head of a nonprofit board, described an experience with Lucy, an introverted board member.

It was only after she left the board that he discovered she had a goldmine of expertise in an area that would have been so helpful in growing their organization. After that experience, he made it a point to learn more about the strengths of the people on his teams, especially when they didn’t freely disclose information about themselves.

Delegate

Delegation can be one of the hardest skills for leaders to master, yet it is the most needed. How can you lead, plan, and coach when holding onto the many tactical aspects of your job? Delegation means matching the right person to the right task, knowing their capabilities, and coaching them through their learning curve.

Introverted leaders are particularly well suited to the one-on-one coaching needed to delegate. They thrive in one-in-one conversations that go deep.

One introverted leader said:

It’s tempting to keep a lot of tasks for myself, because the energy required to delegate effectively feels high. But this is a flawed calculation, because if I never delegate, the item will belong to me the next time, the time after that, and so on.

So, what keeps us from delegating? Each of us has invalid reasons for keeping ourselves stuck. Table 2 covers some of the ways to overcome those hurdles of delegating.

TABLE 2: Delegation Hot Buttons

REASON NOT TO DELEGATE

YOUR COUNTERARGUMENT

I don’t want to take the time to train someone else.

This is an investment with great potential payoffs. The rewards of building confidence in my employees and freeing time for me to focus on what matters are worth the training time.

They won’t do it the way I do.

Yes—and they may do it better, or just differently. Results are what matter.

I am still the one responsible for the results.

Yes—and I can share kudos with my team for a job well done.

As an introvert, I want to avoid talking with people, and delegation involves talking.

I can space my coaching sessions so that I have plenty of time between them to recharge.

Add your own delegation hot button here:

Add your counterargument here:

Manage Conflict

Many people experience discomfort when team members disagree, employees push back, or bosses question ideas. They see conflict as negative. It helps to remember that conflict is natural, necessary, and normal. In fact, creative solutions to problems rarely occur without the tension of dissimilar ideas.

For instance, the Wright brothers, pioneers of aviation, were known to have intense disagreements over the course of their collaboration.

Conflict can be especially challenging between introverts and extroverts. Extroverts prefer to talk about things when conflict arises, while introverts tend to internalize feelings. Introverts say they need breaks during disagreements and time to process their thoughts and feelings. Extroverts are jazzed up by dialogue and debate. Introverts and extroverts can challenge each other to “Bring on the Battles.”22 This means they see disagreement as necessary to arrive at better outcomes because they challenge each other to come up with better solutions.

One unique idea from interviews with “genius opposites” is the Walk and Talk. Get outside your office and take a walk with the person. Talking out their ideas while walking helps extroverts gain clarity. Introverts tend to respond to the relaxed pace and to walking beside people, rather than intensely interacting head-on, as can happen in heated discussions. A side benefit is that you both get those steps in!

How Strong Leaders Embrace Conflict

Great leaders know that they gain the trust and confidence of their teams by opening themselves up to hear their concerns and resistance. Former president Abraham Lincoln traveled to Civil War battlefields to visit Union troops, and he held “office hours” in the White House to receive interested citizens and their countless requests.23

Like Lincoln, Anne Mulcahy, former Xerox CEO, knew she could not lead from behind closed office doors. She went into the field to speak with executives, employees, and customers. “Even though Rome was burning,” she said in a 2006 speech, “people wanted to know the future.”24 She is credited with leading a very successful business turnaround.

Being willing to hear different opinions can lead to productive action. Dr. Jonathon Holloway, the former president of Rutgers University, accepted a position during the COVID-19 pandemic when everything was on lockdown. The meetings with his cabinet were held virtually, and no one disagreed with him. He would throw out a problem or issue and people were silent.

He learned that his predecessor had a very different style, and they were responding as if the former president was still there. Fortunately, Jonathon brought two people from his previous team with him who knew his style. They were able to explain Jonathon’s approach; particularly that he wanted to hear from everybody. The tone loosened up, and his team was eventually fully engaged in offering their diverse opinions.

Another executive said that because so many “egos and opinions are at play” in his company, he creates “a firestorm” by drafting a straw-man plan that he knows will generate momentum and discussion. After a lot of back and forth, what eventually emerge are consensus and action.

Tips to Elicit Opposing Views

Asking a question like “Can you elaborate on that?” can prompt people to flesh out their thoughts and give you an opportunity to respond with your own point of view. The late Dr. Gene Griessman, author of The Achievement Factor, responded calmly to proposals he disagreed with by saying, “That is an intriguing idea. Could you tell me what you think the strengths and weaknesses of those strategies are?” Then, he asked, “Would you mind if I give you another point of view?” This set the tone for a civil conversation.

Practice

Here are two ways to ensure that you practice these strengths:

Lead from your natural strengths.

Surround yourself with a support system.

People tend to think that it’s the extroverts who engage effortlessly in conversations and give eloquent speeches. But introverts can do this just as well. Remember that introversion is not about how social or articulate you are. It’s a preference for how much stimulation you can take and how you recharge your energy.

Lead from Your Natural Strengths

Smart leaders are most transparent and trustworthy when they lead from their natural strengths. Practice the skills that push you, and amplify those that come naturally. For introverts, those strengths might be quieter, more measured, and less obvious, but they will be no less effective. It’s not the loudest voice in the room that gets results.

Ronnie Wilkins, an executive director of a medical association, wanted to launch a nonprofit organization to provide management services to support his organization’s scientific mission. The need was there, but Ronnie knew he had to sell the board on creating an additional company. He prepared a carefully outlined memo, finding it easier to have conversations and answer questions once people who were introverted, like himself, had a chance to carefully consider his proposal.

Ronnie has had practice in thoughtful analysis, writing, and connecting one-on-one with stakeholders. He had to push himself out of his office to have those deep discussions, but he knew that this was necessary to reach his goals.

Within three months, buy-in was achieved and the new company was up and running. It helped with employee retention by providing new career opportunities and has exceeded performance expectations. Ronnie used his 4 Ps skills at preparation, presence, push, and practice to accomplish his job quietly and with impact.

Surround Yourself with a Support System

No one succeeds alone. A coach or mentor can give you feedback and foster your leadership development. Trusted team members can be great mentors as well. Melanie Huet, president of Brand Management and Innovation at Newell Brands, said that her best mentors throughout her career were other team members.25

Even though you value alone time, you can also schedule one-on-ones and communicate in writing with members of your informal advisory board.

Ask for the training you need to be successful. Drive the bus on your learning, and take advantage of both live and virtual opportunities.

You might find that you have a hidden talent to inspire others and that you enjoy coaching your team members. Or you might find that leading people and projects takes too much energy and the risk is not worth the reward. But keep in mind that being an introvert is no reason to avoid stepping up into leadership.

A summary of the steps to take to practice strengthening your leadership muscle: First, prepare includes yourself, your team, and introvert-friendly hiring. Next, presence includes walk, write, listen, spontaneous conversations, flex, and observe. Then, push includes conflict, delegate, and assertive. Finally, practice includes support and strengths.

FIGURE 2: The 4 Ps of Leading People and Projects

CHAPTER 4 Introverted Leaders in the New Workplace

When Lakshmi joined her new company, she was elated about their fully remote work opportunity. Her boss and the team she worked with were located around the world. It was a good fit for her introverted temperament, enabling her to focus and to eliminate a stressful commute that sucked hours out of her week.

Also, as a woman of color, her previous work experience in offices had left her feeling on guard from managing many microaggressions (microaggression is a term used for commonplace verbal, behavioral, or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward those of different races, cultures, beliefs, or genders). All of this left her depleted at the end of each day. This shift to remote work promised a newfound sense of freedom. Maybe she could even have the energy to do more than lie on the couch at the end of the workday!

Lakshmi settled into her home office, and in the beginning, everything seemed great. She received a warm welcome during the onboarding process, and her boss and team members frequently checked in on her to see if she needed support. All of this fostered her optimism.

However, as time progressed, these check-ins became less frequent. She interacted with colleagues in virtual meetings, but their interactions were transactional. It was all about the work. More aware than ever that she lived alone, Lakshmi realized she missed casual conversations. Feeling adrift, she grappled with intense loneliness and became uncertain about her work goals.

Questions arose. Was she focusing on the right projects? How did her efforts connect to and support other departments? What did her boss think about her performance? All of this impacted her confidence, and she began to second-guess her decisions.

Seeking guidance, Lakshmi turned to one of her mentors, Miguel, who also had experience working remotely. He suggested that she initiate thirty-minute, one-on-one meetings with team members and that she start with people with whom she already felt comfortable. He advised her to prepare simple questions like “How is your day going?” or “What is keeping you busy lately?” just to open the dialogue. See Chapter 7, Networking, Your Way, for other questions she might have asked.

Miguel also encouraged her to schedule a regular call with her boss to align herself with his goals. These actions and others significantly improved the situation and helped Lakshmi settle in more comfortably. She found satisfaction in her job and built working relationships.

The Pros of Remote and Hybrid Work

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, the workplace has transformed. Professional workers worldwide have shifted to their bedrooms and closets to log on to Zoom calls with their teams. Though work-at-home options existed in earlier periods, technological advances have allowed for a wider adoption of these fluid workplaces. They have moved from an experiment to a norm for millions of office workers.

Things are working out well for introverts, as you will see in this chapter. But you will also see that remote work is not without its shortcomings. Lack of communication and connection, exhaustion from “Zoom fatigue,” and the negative impacts of being alone too much are serious factors to consider.

We checked in with our community of introverts several times before, during, and after the pandemic to better understand how remote and hybrid work scenarios have been integrated into their lives.

Even before the pandemic, back in 2018, our survey of 240 introverts reported that remote work was viewed very favorably, and 64 percent said that it was an accepted practice at their organization. So, the tide was already turning toward embracing this new way of working where introverts could thrive in opportunities for quiet and reflection.

Experiments with working from home, even one day a week, were having a positive impact. Diane Baldwin, associate vice president of Sponsored Programs at Boston University, found that this setup “changed people’s lives.” Leaders in our surveys said that offering remote options was a strategy to not only retain employees but recruit them. One wrote, “Workplace flexibility can mean your organization is no longer bound by geography to find the best candidate for a specific position.”

In 2020, the first year of the pandemic, over 85 percent of the respondents in our survey of almost two hundred introverts indicated they were very satisfied or satisfied with the arrangement. Some critical reasons for this were no commute, being more productive, and having a flexible schedule. In addition, there were comments about having less stress. One respondent wrote that he didn’t “have to put on my workday face every day . . . [or] prepare myself mentally for the random social interactions and general noise, which are prevalent in an open office.”

In our most recent research conducted in 2024, we asked introverts in a remote or hybrid work situation to respond. The high satisfaction rates remained, with approximately 90 percent of the fully remote respondents either very satisfied or satisfied with their arrangement. Eighty-five percent of those who work remotely five days a week still cited “no commute” as a top benefit.

These responses correlate with Nicholas Bloom’s studies of ten thousand people that cited less commuting as the top reason why employees preferred to have some days at home. In our latest study, 65 percent cited increased focus and 62 percent said having a flexible schedule were also plusses to these arrangements. These responses make perfect sense from introverts who prefer to have time to dig deep and get breaks from the constant stimulation of highly charged atmospheres.

The hybrid work respondents (those who split their time between the office and home) in our latest survey reported overall lower levels of satisfaction than those working fully remotely, but they still cited the same top benefits as reported by the fully remote sample. Seventy percent said that no commute was a strong benefit, and having increased focus and a flexible schedule were also key plusses for them.1

Here are some sample comments that reflect these sentiments:

“I enjoy working totally remote as an introvert. I am able to focus better than at in-person meetings because . . . I can have cheat sheets that help me remember what I want to say in the words I need to be most effective.”

“When I had a packed schedule, I was drained from all-day negotiating and talking to other departments. When I started a hybrid schedule, I felt I got face time and some quiet time at home where I could ride my stationary bike and listen to meetings, or take a walk and listen. . . . I was not the best version of myself with the constant stimulation of my all-in-house job.”

“I like working in a hybrid mode. . . . From the leader’s point of view, it’s crucial that you meet your team members to see how everyone is doing. . . . It’s the business that counts, but business is, first of all, people.”

“I have been thrilled to go fully remote. I only must interact with the coworkers on my team—no random people popping by my desk to make small talk, which is a godsend.”

“I love hybrid work as an introvert. It’s the perfect blend of togetherness and focused, independent time.”

Challenges

Lack of Communication and Connection

Despite the high satisfaction with remote and hybrid work, several key challenges surfaced in our research. Zoom fatigue is a term that was coined to describe nonstop virtual meetings. It is tiring and stressful for introverts to be connecting in this way, often with the requirement to turn their camera on. Researchers from Stanford University found there is some evidence that introverts are more sensitive to Zoom fatigue than extroverts,2 and women are also more likely to feel drained by videoconferences than men.3 The Stanford researchers also found that being stared at by faces while speaking causes physiological arousal and anxiety in video-call participants.

Like Lakshmi’s story, others have cited a transactional element to virtual meetings where relationships are superficial if the focus is strictly business. Still others have said that because those who are never in the office can’t stop by a desk to ask a question, they are forced to schedule more meetings, leading to virtual overload. Without either self-imposed or company-structured breaks, it is not surprising that the remote day can be exhausting. And it takes discipline to be focused. A joke circulating about the challenge of working remotely goes like this:

Q: What are the three biggest competitors to remote work?

A: The TV, the bed, and the fridge.4

Employees gain power when they can make their talents visible to their boss, coworkers, and others. This is much harder to accomplish without face-to-face time. When people don’t see one another for long periods, they can fail to see coworkers as more than just icons in a chat group and can lose the ability to leverage one another’s creativity.

Loneliness was also referred to as a challenge by those introverts who worked fully remotely. One respondent shared:

Loneliness is the worst part about working from home as an introvert. I’m not nearly as likely as my coworkers to reach out via MS Teams to just see how their weekend went, share work tips, et cetera. This leads me to feel very isolated. I can go for days at a time without chatting with anyone, either by voice or by chat. When I worked in a physical office, I chatted with coworkers throughout the day. I miss that.

Other Risks of Being Alone Too Much

Too much alone time can result in team members losing sight of the larger mission of the company because of what Kevin Eikenberry and Wayne Turmel call a “lack of environmental cues, slogans and messages that are part of the fabric of an organization and its culture.” Instead, they become overly focused on individual projects over team and company goals.5

When studying quiet influencers—those introverts who create change, inspire others, and challenge the status quo—we found that isolation can also result in a form of creative paralysis. When we are left too alone with our thoughts, it can become increasingly difficult to move from ideas to action. How many millions of books remain unwritten and innovations untapped because people kept their ideas to themselves and did not take the step of sharing them with others who could help bring their ideas to life? Of course, with clear goals and structure this can be handled, but in looser work cultures this risk of too much solitude is real.

We also found that introverts who spend too much time alone can suffer from a loss of perspective. They end up second-guessing themselves, questioning their abilities, and delaying action. Getting stuck in self-analysis can plant us too firmly in the act of dredging up the past or overthinking the future, actions that rarely help us move on to productive action.

The 4 Ps

As discussed, during the global pandemic, the world changed and our offices changed along with it. Now we have an opportunity to take advantage of these options that have tremendous potential benefits for introverts. As you reflect on these strategies, consider the 4 Ps as a helpful tool to achieve success in this new workplace (see Figure 3).

Prepare

Some strategies to help you prepare are to:

Prepare for connection.

Implement Employee Resource Groups.

Plan for days in the office.

Prepare for Connection

Organizational psychologist and author Edgar Schein said that we all need to become “better acquainted and get more personal with each other across the hierarchy of organizations . . . and abandon the bureaucratic distance of role relationships and substitute them with real relationships to communicate.”6

When employees are off-site, such “real relationships” are harder to cultivate. So, it takes intentional work by leaders and team members to get to know one another.

We may not be able to replace conversations that happen spontaneously. However, leaders can be more intentional in making them happen.

Planned small-group and one-on-one interaction plays to introvert preferences. Josh Crafford, a vice president of Technology and Operations Learning at a Fortune 200 financial institution, was concerned about some climate survey data. It indicated people on his global team felt disconnected from one another after going fully remote.

One successful initiative that he began was a book club.

The first selection was Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces. Working together to select books, manage virtual deliveries, and share facilitation, members were able to build deeper relationships and gain new knowledge they could apply.7

Random matches of people for virtual coffees and internal mentoring programs are some ways to be intentional about connecting people.

Ryan Jenkins, coauthor of Connectable, says, “Loneliness is not the absence of people, it is the absence of connection.” To bring people together to combat this loneliness problem, he and his partner developed Rivet,8 a program to help companies connect people in a scientifically proven way.

Team members take a seven-minute psychology-based assessment, which helps build a workplace persona that is used to intelligently match them with another colleague who has similar interests. They email each other and then arrange a meeting. At a recent major company event where they used this process, the organization found that users experienced a 140 percent increase in feelings of connection with their fellow attendees or colleagues. It seems as though tools like Rivet that are powered by AI can have tremendous results in addressing the connection challenge.

Implement Employee Resource Groups

Because they prefer to make personal connections instead of “working a room,” introverts flourish in groups created to nurture shared interests and concerns. These connections can be made virtually or in person. Often known as Employee Resource Groups (ERGs), these types of cohorts can be built around an identity, such as Pacific Islanders, or an interest, such as baking.

One very successful example is ITOPiA, a “utopia for introverts” group at 84.51°, a Cincinnati-based data analytics company.9 ITOPiA hosts learning sessions for its members on topics like “How to Prepare for a Presentation” and “What Does Public Speaking Look Like?” Participants in such resource groups build relationships across departments and locations, fostering a sense of belonging, comfort, and engagement, which is key to employee retention. Since ITOPiA’s inception, we have seen a significant rise in introvert-focused ERGs across many organizations.

Plan for Days in the Office

Remote work expert Wayne Turmel has advice for considering when to meet remotely and when everyone needs to come together: “We need to go back to first principles, which is what’s the job that needs to be done, and what’s the best way to do it.” Your team will appreciate any manager who gives careful thought and planning to questions like how and when people are brought together.10

Currently the average office worker is going into the office around 3.5 days a week.11 The most popular arrangement is three days in the office and two days at home in larger companies. Smaller firms and nonprofits seem to be more fluid. These off days are typically Monday and Friday. Three days a week is enough to ensure that “you’re not out of sight and forgotten about,” said Nicholas Bloom. Employers have also found that their employees are simply happier with these new arrangements.12

While Bloom’s research has demonstrated a 10 percent to 20 percent drop in productivity from fully remote work, this cost is offset by the fact that workers stay at the companies that offer remote options. If they stay, organizations avoid new-hire and training costs and have lower office space and turnover costs.

For the large majority of white-collar workers, there’s actually no difference in performance reviews or promotion rates between hybrid workers and those who come to the office five days a week, newly updated research from the National Bureau of Economic Research has found.13

Keeping on top of these fluid performance trends can help you make good decisions about work situations for both introverts and extroverts. It can also help you make decisions that are right for you as you transition to new organizations.

Presence

Some ways to drive presence in the office are to:

Manage performance.

Consider office spaces.

Think creatively about other spaces.

Manage Performance

Consider creating a remote work agreement with guidelines that employees sign. Introverts often feel more comfortable with written communication, and putting guidelines in writing clarifies expectations. You can communicate what is expected when they work out of the office with respect to availability and deliverables, as well as the amount of required in-office time.

For example, the agreement may state that on the days employees work from home, they are available for conference calls during certain hours. Or, as a company you can decide that team members are required to come in on a certain day for in-person meetings and training. Another stipulation can be a report on work completed at the end of each week.

As a leader, you must also strike the right balance between overcommunication and allowing employees to slide into isolation. You don’t want your team to feel micromanaged when they are working remotely. Interrupting introverts too often can impact their work performance. And after all, the value of a distraction-free remote work environment diminishes if an employee (or manager) is constantly being pinged and expected to immediately respond at all hours. You must find your comfort level—and theirs.

Plan Your Meetings

You can build in connection at meetings.

Individuals need to reach out to team members. Setting aside a few minutes at the beginning of meetings to check in about family, vacations, and so on goes far in making people feel like more than cogs in a machine. One respondent to our 2021 survey “Introverts and Remote Work” shared the following:

One thing that has helped me as an introvert is that my supervisor has scheduled meetings with me and the other managers every Monday at 2 p.m. That helps me be prepared with things to say. If the meetings were spontaneous, I would be less likely to talk, because I wouldn’t be able to prepare.

Create Agendas

To ease performance pressure on introverts, send all team members a pre-meeting agenda and give plenty of notice about topics slated for discussion. As one consultant said, “No agenda, no attenda.” Be clear about your expectations, so people working from home can feel confident and prepared.14

Managers should give everyone a few minutes to brainstorm silently, or encourage team members to share their thoughts in the Zoom “chat” section before asking them to weigh in.

This approach benefits extroverted employees too, because it forces them to slow down and be more deliberate about strategy instead of just winging it at meetings, which extroverts are comfortable doing. The result will be a more productive meeting for everyone.

If you are a manager who is coaching or leading introverts working from home some or all of the time, scheduled one-on-one check-ins will replace the spontaneous chats you would have had with them in the break room or cafeteria. Emails, texts, and internal communication channels like Slack or Microsoft Teams are all useful, but they’re no substitute for conversation where you can provide support and solve problems together. It is best to schedule these one-on-ones on the calendar.

It is also a great idea to use the breakout room function on your virtual platform to encourage engagement. People will share openly in these rooms, and introverts are very grateful when breakouts are included. They can go deeper on issues with fewer people than in the large meeting.

One introverted leader shared with me that she makes a point of stopping by people’s work areas when they are there to chat and catch up. Where she sometimes did this prior to working hybrid, she finds it more important than ever to connect with her team in the office to stay on top of issues and concerns and to build relationships.

Consider Office Spaces

An important question to ask is “What are employees getting out of coming in to work in your office versus working remotely?” Is there a sense of community? How is work getting done? Office plans must allow for the smooth flow of collaborating, socializing, and doing the focused work that introverts thrive on. As of this writing, several large corporations, including AT&T and Amazon, are requiring employees to return to the office full time. This makes designing office space to accommodate different needs even more essential for the productivity of everyone.15

We still need to consider what can be done to create an environment where introverts want to spend time (especially after long commutes!). Small pods and areas of coworking spaces allow people to work on their own but also be among others in what is known as communal solitude.16

An example of how office spaces are being redesigned to cater to these dimensions is the use of standing, shared, and focus desks.17

Standing desks can come with privacy screens, helping to give everyone their own dedicated space. Shared desks can be surrounded by office partitions, allowing for the division of different groups for specific tasks and workflows. Focus desks can sometimes be partially enclosed on one side and open on another, allowing users to move quickly between individual and collaborative work. They may even come with noise-canceling headphones and “busy lights” for focus periods.18

A senior leader in Research & Development at Bosch USA suggested that managers play a key role in encouraging associates to take advantage of flexible options. The company’s state-of-the-art facility has privacy pods and couches stationed around the building so that employees have the option of working wherever they feel most comfortable and productive.

It even has a relaxation area stocked with chocolate bars, where employees can conduct “chocolate meetings” and no discussion of work is allowed! In our conversation about workspaces for introverts, he said, “This whole building is their office. They can work anywhere as opposed to trying to build fortresses around where they sit.”

Think Creatively About Your Spaces

At an introverted-leadership training program I facilitated in Berlin, Germany, one of the participants, David, applied his learning about the needs of introverts immediately. He suggested that we turn one of the breakout rooms into a “quiet room” that participants could go to whenever they needed to recharge and regroup. A sign was put on the door, and the room was put to good use for the remainder of the four days.

I love this example because it shows an introvert honored his preference and asked for what he needed, using what he had available to him. We don’t have to wait for the brand-new, costly office design to take place. We can all look around and see what is possible with the space and resources we already have.

It is also important to take into consideration common areas and meeting spaces. Are people jockeying over limited conference rooms, or are there plenty available? Are the shared areas like the cafeteria, kitchens, or lobby spaces places where people congregate or spend time alone? Are there outdoor spaces being used for needed breaks or conversations?

Has natural light been utilized, and do people have control over the different lighting they need at different times? Author and introvert Morra Aarons-Mele left the world of office work partly because of the effect of fluorescent lights on her well-being. She writes, “It didn’t matter how great the work was. . . . As long as I had to show up and sit under those lights for ten plus hours, I could never be happy.”19

On a trip to a large Silicon Valley tech company, I was struck by the number of wall spaces with living plants I saw everywhere. Bringing nature indoors has also been known to reduce stress and increase productivity. Adding some plants does not have to be an expensive proposition. A number of studies have also shown that greenery in the office can have positive impacts on physical health as well.20

Interior designers also mention bathrooms as important to consider. It is common for introverts to escape to the bathroom for privacy during a day at work, so their design is key.

Being in a pleasing workspace is key to our sense of well-being and effectiveness, and it is well worth the time for managers and teams to design options for introverts given budget, time, and space allocations.

Push

Following are some ways to push yourself to address the challenges we face in the new workplace:

Make intentional connections.

Announce your accomplishments.

Several respondents to our latest survey said it was important to push themselves at times.

“I am finding it necessary to resist my introverted inclination to stay on the couch and instead force myself to make plans of my own, including extending invitations. In this way, I’m not constantly being dragged into someone else’s idea of fun, and I get to do things I choose with the people I choose.”

“Being remote is fantastic; however, one needs to be deliberate and disciplined about proactively connecting with friends and colleagues regularly.”

—2024 survey respondents, “Introverted Leaders and the Hybrid or Remote Workplace”

As we have said, organic conversation is less likely to occur when we are in scheduled virtual meetings. We don’t hear from coworkers about their projects and company trends. Even office gossip, which can be useful at times, alludes us. So, be intentional about reaching out to others. Like the two survey respondents in the preceding quotations, you may need to push yourself. Go to meetings early so that you can build rapport. Set up face-to-face coffees or lunches.

If fully remote, you can do this on either phone or virtual meetings. Prepare several questions to ask the person, and spend a few minutes on LinkedIn learning about them. Be prepared to share what you are engaged in, and try to find areas you have in common at work or outside of work.

You might say:

“That is interesting. I am also working with the products team on a similar challenge.”

“I worked at a competitor of XYZ. Had they started their hiring process using YouTube ads when you were there?”

“I see you attended school in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. We take our vacations in western North Carolina. Have you been to Asheville?

Announce Your Accomplishments

Your career visibility will suffer if people don’t know about you and your work. Many introverted leaders emphasize the need to speak up about their accomplishments and projects. For instance, former CEO of The Campbell’s Company, Doug Conant, quoted William Johnsen: “If it is to be, it is up to me.”21 Doug doesn’t think the company alone should be responsible for your career development. He believes that you need to step up and let people know what talents you have and how you can contribute.

An introverted senior manager at Pfizer who advocates for Asian-Americans feels the same way. He counsels mentees to “get out of your own way and believe you are doing great work!” He suggests introverts like himself ask the question: “Who else should know about what I am doing?” No one is going to move your career forward besides you, he said.

Candace Doby, an introvert, leadership development strategist, and author of A Cool Girl’s Guide to Courage,22 says, “Courage is two faced when it shows up at work.” She says it’s first the leader’s responsibility to ensure that everyone feels a sense of belonging. Then there is personal responsibility. You must take risks and “step up as the truest most authentic version of yourself.”23

And leaders should also share the achievements of their teams. When teams are dispersed remotely, this may be hard to remember. Global project manager Laura Davidson led several Fortune 100 companies, and she made sure to bring up the individual and group successes of her remote team members whenever they are on a call. This helped them each be aware of how everyone is contributing to overall goals. It had the added benefit of spreading gratitude throughout the team.

Practice

As you move forward in this new remote and hybrid workplace, take these two steps to keep practicing:

Listen to introverts.

Become a voice for the quiet.

Listen to Introverts

With this new freedom over where we work come big, important choices about how and when we work. A lot has been written about what to do to maximize success when implementing a hybrid or remote work program to ensure that remote working doesn’t lead to employees “remotely working.”

As you settle into these fluid work situations, keep an open dialogue with your introverted team members.

Decide as a team what forms of communication are most effective. Create general guidelines around when to use email, texts, Slack channels, phone calls, and video calls. Evaluate these methods regularly to make sure they are working for everyone.

Ask Introverts What They Want

A pair of introverted chemists approached me at a trade show where they had heard me speak about introverts at work. They privately shared their frustration about not being heard. Their lab had just moved to a new location, and no one on their team had been consulted about the move. They didn’t feel comfortable speaking up.

The result? Electrical outlets were drilled in the wrong places, and tables were positioned incorrectly. All of this had to be redone. Not listening to your quieter employees can result in costly decisions and decreased morale.

Pay special attention to the introverts and those who exhibit introverted tendencies. Conduct short surveys to reveal more of their ideas, since introverts often prefer expressing their thoughts in writing versus responding in spontaneous conversations.

Ask what they would like to see in their current workspace that doesn’t exist now. Consider visits to other workspaces in your organization to gather best practices. Bring introverts with you on these “field trips.” Ask employees to share pictures of office spaces they admire to spark your collective creative plans.

There is no one solution for all people. Variables like the type of work, the job itself, and how people in a company are dispersed will all impact how remote and hybrid work play out. Listening and involving introverts will result in places where everyone feels they belong.

Become a Voice for the Quiet

After writing four books on introverts at work, I launched a podcast called Introvert Ally, now in its third season, where I interview leaders and champions of introverts at work. I believe that to change cultures we need to have these important conversations with leaders. Their stories about feeling like outsiders are sometimes painful, yet their triumphs are inspiring.

It turns out that because these guests believe in empathy and advocacy, they are allies for other underrepresented people as well.

Rather than expecting introverts to adapt to the traditional, mainstream corporate culture, work to become a change agent in your organization. Build a culture that can truly appreciate introverts and extroverts and the strengths they each bring. Strive to set the stage for values of interpersonal trust and mutual respect in which people are comfortable being themselves. Make it one that author Amy Edmonson describes as having psychological safety, and where both quiet, calm contributions and expressive, energetic ones are fully embraced.24

A summary of the steps to take when leading in the new workplace: First, prepare includes connect, ERGs, and office days. Next, presence includes performance, small meetings, focus desks, and creative space. Then, push includes connect and share wins. Finally, practice includes listen to introverts and be a voice for the quiet.

FIGURE 3: The 4 Ps of Introverted Leaders in the New Workplace

CHAPTER 5 Delivering Powerful Presentations

It was time to give the annual report to the board and shareholders. Suzanne, the vice president of finance, was shaking and sweating. The rolls of nausea began before she moved up to the podium. With clammy hands and short breaths, she went through her PowerPoint slides, breathing an audible sigh of relief when the twenty minutes were up. Though she had prepared a great report, her delivery was weak. After the presentation, it took hours for her to regain her composure.

Four years later, a new audience waited for Suzanne to speak. After the audiovisual team adjusted her mic, Suzanne stepped out from behind the lectern, smiling at members of the audience as they filed in. The debilitating nervousness of years ago had disappeared.

What happened? Suzanne had hired a speech coach to help her learn how to better organize and deliver presentations, and then seized every opportunity to hone her skills. As she transformed a potential career derailment into an asset, her confidence rose. Renowned introverted financier Warren Buffett referred to public speaking as “our greatest asset or our worst liability.”1 Have you experienced what Suzanne felt in her early days of presenting? Are you able to give presentations with ease and confidence?

As with any leadership skill, strong presentation skills are not correlated with extroversion. Many introverts have developed high-profile careers that require presence and presentation skills, including introverts like entrepreneur Oprah Winfrey, the late chief justice of the Supreme Court Ruth Bader Ginsberg, and Apple CEO Tim Cook, all of whom have mastered the skill of public speaking.

Author Susan Cain, who wrote the book Quiet, is a strong introvert herself. In what she describes as her “year of living dangerously,” Susan found a way to manage her fear as she delivered a powerful TED Talk that has been viewed by almost thirty-five million people. In an article written for the New York Times, Susan was open about her fears and how she overcame them. “I believe it’s healthy for all of us (extroverts included) to stretch occasionally beyond our temperaments. For the sake of a book on the value of quiet, I’m willing to make a little noise.”2

I’ve worked with many introverted leaders. By pushing themselves to step out of their comfort zones, they learned how to deliver their messages effectively.

Prepare

In my early years as a corporate trainer, I spent days preparing for an important presentation. I studied the material and tried to anticipate every question. On the day of the talk, I entered the room ready to be the expert, but despite that preparation, I was still very tense.

Rashid was a presentation skills coach my company had hired, and he could feel my anxiety. Approaching me, he gently said something I have never forgotten: “Jennifer, you know this material, but you can’t know everything. Now, just enjoy the experience and relax.”

I smiled at him and decided to do just that. When curveball questions or comments came my way, I paused and, when appropriate, asked others in the room for their input. I was honest when I didn’t have the perfect response. By believing in myself and realizing I couldn’t possibly know everything, I grew into my role as a facilitator and realized that the group could be a source to draw on.

Successful introverted leaders discover that they must prepare the material and themselves. If you are prepared, you can be more aware and grounded when in the actual presentation.

Let’s address major elements of preparing for your presentation:

Know your audience.

Prepare your content.

Prepare yourself.

Know Your Audience

It is important to speak to those asking you to speak prior to your presentation. This will allow you to answer important questions like: Who is in the class? What are their roles? What are their ages, genders, ethnicities, and cultural backgrounds? Who identifies as an introvert or extrovert? What is going on in their organizations right now?

Before one training session, I spoke with a participant who said he had had five bosses in five months. That told me a lot about how to discuss change and resilience with this group and to be ready for some potential frustration when people wanted some time to vent.

I do believe in arriving early to sessions so that I can connect one-on-one with participants as they filter into the room. It also allows me to be calm and prepared, which syncs with introvert energy. I circulate and make conversation with people scattered among the seats. I learn a few names.

When it’s an online session, I utilize chatboxes and virtual breakout rooms to interact with students and facilitate their interactions with one another. A question like “Where are you calling in from today?” is a good icebreaker. I suggest that you never start the presentation slides until you have had a chance to connect visually with all those squares on the screen.3

Prepare Your Content

Keep these things in mind when preparing the material:

Craft your presentation.

Leverage the power of stories.

Create media to enhance, not replace, your talk.

Craft Your Presentation

Just as a great film needs a strong script, a presentation’s foundation begins with the written word. Invest time in writing your speech. It can be a strong outline that you speak from, and not a word-for-word document. The exception to that is the opening and close.

Leaders like Coke Stewart, an attorney and former deputy at the US Patent Office, makes sure to memorize her opening to hook the audience and her close to land the speech.

As an introvert, your natural strength in preparation is an advantage. Think through the purpose of your program. Is your intent to inform, persuade, educate, or motivate? Once that goal is established, your talk will flow logically and be enlivened with examples and stories.

Also know the big idea you want your audience to retain. For instance, when I speak about The Introverted Leader, I want people to understand that introverts are leaders. I make sure that every point, story, and audience exercise serves that theme.

Consider a “phrase that pays,” which is a way to make your theme sticky. It’s a few words that people remember when they walk out of your talk. One I have used is “The quietest voices have the loudest minds.”

AI tools can also help jumpstart you with these. I asked ChatGPT for some ideas, and here is one I could possibly incorporate into my next talk: “Leadership isn’t about making noise; it’s about making a difference—introverts excel at both.”4

A production schedule is also a key part of your preparation. Speech coach Eleni Kelakos suggests starting at the end of your presentation and working backward, scheduling milestone dates for rehearsing your program, preparing your slides, creating your script, and pulling material together. The discipline of doing this will contribute to a strong delivery on game day.5

Leverage the Power of Stories

Introverted leaders use stories to inspire and teach lessons to their teams, and the best ones come from personal experience.

One of the most effective ways to develop rapport, especially with quieter class members, is through personal stories, especially humorous ones. One of my favorite ones to tell is how I second-guessed my marriage decision when I couldn’t get my introverted spouse, Bill, to talk. I learned that he just needed time to recharge.

He, of course, just wanted me to be quiet, or as my granddaughter Ava says, “talk in my brain.”

I often make a point related to the program about introverts and extroverts speaking different languages. The fact that I include a relatable situation helps me connect with people early in our session. I also try to build in opportunities for humor by incorporating cartoons and a prop or two that loosen up the atmosphere. Whatever the presentation, creating a comfortable atmosphere helps engage both introverts and extroverts.

Speaker Bill Stainton suggests you ask yourself: “When did something go wrong?” Speech coach Eamon O’Brien suggests you dig into your memories and pull out key themes. Stories are more interesting when they involve conflict.

For example, I lost my patience at a coffee shop when trying to use a gift card that didn’t work. I wasn’t my best self, as I didn’t take no for an answer. My voice started to rise and my face tightened. I drove home to search for a code the saleswoman said I needed. I found it, cooled off by taking some deep breaths, and returned to the shop. I apologized to the woman whom I felt I treated shabbily. It wasn’t her fault the system didn’t allow her to take the card.

One point I could make from that story would be “We make mistakes but can take steps quickly to clean up our side of the street.” Or, “We can do a reset by stepping away.” There are probably many other themes I could extract.

Keep a small notebook with you, or type your everyday observations into your phone. You can insert them into your speeches when they support your points. You will find stories waiting to be told, and you will watch your presentations come alive.

Use Media to Enhance, Not Replace, Your Talk

PowerPoint is a great tool. However, it’s easy to go overboard on bullet points or turn your presentation into little more than a narration of the slides. An introverted marketing manager said, “The audience showed up to hear you talk about a solution to a problem that’s causing them pain, not to hear you perform PowerPoint karaoke.” Know your material so well that, if technology fails (and it will), you can give your presentation without slides.

TOM NIXON IS A POWERPOINT EXPERT WHO SHARES THESE STRATEGIES THAT ARE APPLICABLE TO LIVE AND VIRTUAL PRESENTATIONS

Keep slides simple. It takes five seconds for people to absorb a visual, so minimize the number of words on the screen.

Illustrate and summarize numbers with graphs, illustrations, and oversized numbers.

When live, include video clips and run them from within PowerPoint, not from the internet. Avoid showing videos on virtual presentations, as bandwidth can slow things down.

Quality images are worth the cost.

Prepare Yourself

As you prepare yourself to step onto the platform or click on your virtual meeting link, remember to take these steps:

Reprogram negative thoughts.

Relax and breathe.

Visualize success.

Create a ritual.

Reprogram Negative Thoughts

Stage fright is often tied to negative messages spinning through your brain. Do these statements sound familiar?

“I am not qualified to speak to these [fill in the blank] people.”

“I should have reviewed the data more.”

“I am going to run over time!” or “I am going to run short!”

“What if I can’t make a convincing argument?”

In addition to preparing so that you know the content cold, one way to mitigate the anxiety of speaking in front of people is to reprogram your brain with positive messages like the ones Rashid encouraged me with (“You know this!”):

“I have a message of value that I want people to hear.”

“I am prepared and will do the best I can do.”

“I don’t have to be perfect.”

Introverted clients have told me that messages like these help them reprogram their thoughts and rise above a debilitating fear of speaking.

Relax and Breathe

It is difficult to remain anxious at the same time you are consciously breathing. Breathing gets you into your body and out of your mind. It helps you focus on the present and is a useful method to quiet the mental chatter.

Try it. Take a slow breath in and out. Now do it again. How do you feel? Notice how your body relaxes. Are your arms and legs uncrossed? Are you sitting up straighter? Try speaking. Your voice is probably clearer and more confident.

Visualize Success

Many champion athletes rely on visualization to prepare for competition. They run through the event in their minds. As a result, their brains believe that the situation has already occurred when they arrive, and they are ready to perform at their peak.

Try listening to calming music with your earphones. Then, picture yourself in the room, giving your presentation. Imagine responsive faces, smiles, questions being asked, and your clear, compelling answers. You will experience a déjà vu feeling when you are in the actual room and relax into the experience.

Create a Ritual

As an introverted leader, you likely prefer not to feel rushed when you get up to talk. Take the time you need to calm down, clear your mind, and practice the opening line you want to say. Rituals can give you comfort and prepare you to perform.

A walk or other physical exercise helps get your blood and energy flowing. Heidi Kasevich, a coach who advises introverted students and educators, is intentional about practicing yoga to recharge before presenting. Like Heidi, you can repeat a prayer or mantra. When you discover what feels right for you, try repeating it the next time you are “on deck.”

Presence

You’re prepared and you know your material cold. Now it’s time to speak. Let’s consider how to make all that preparation time pay off so that you can stay present. Here are three ways to be fully present:

Connect with your audience.

Take pauses.

Attend to your body language.

Connect with Your Audience

The late Marilynn Mobley, a media consultant, shared a great technique for connecting with your audience. “People love to eavesdrop,” she said.6 She practiced locking eyes with one person in the audience and found that everyone else in the room was engaged with that connection.

Eye contact was a challenge for Richard, an introverted CFO. Before working with a coach, he stood stiffly behind a lectern, with his head down. “He read his presentation into the microphone; eyes glued to the written text. “Talk about a rest break—this was a complete snoozer!” his coach told me.

Richard learned to make eye contact with his audience and put life into his voice. His presentations became a completely different experience. “The team walked out buzzing about how they finally ‘got it,’” Amelia said. “They were energized by his call to action—something he never had when just reading financial results!”

Making it about the audience and letting go of the worry about how you sound will also help improve your presentation skills. In virtual presentations, be sure to look into the camera where you connect with participants. Consider your background, lighting, and audio as nondistracting elements.

Take Pauses

As an introvert, you likely know the tremendous value of the pause. It provides space to think, collect your thoughts, and recharge. A significant pause before you deliver your point gets listeners’ attention. It helps prepare them for the important information to come. “A pause isn’t a moment of nothing,” speech coach Patricia Fripp says. “Used strategically, it is a tool that helps you build intellectual and emotional connection with your audience.”7

A pause after your point allows time for the idea to sink in. Think of pauses as commas or periods, and use them when you want to underscore an important point. Conscious pauses will help slow you down when you are nervous.

Attend to Your Body Language

How Body Language Detracts from Your Message

Body language can derail a presentation. The first time I reviewed a videotape of my training session, I was shocked. I had played a game of catch: As I spoke, a marker flew from right hand to left and back again, and the whole time, I was oblivious. I’m certain the “pearls of wisdom” I was dispensing were lost as eyes and ears tuned into the marker’s metronomic action. After watching that tape, I was more conscious of where I placed my arms and how I held objects in my hands. Because of that first painful experience, I am still mindful of these types of distracting behaviors when I speak.

How Body Language Enhances Your Message

Body language also can be used to facilitate your message. For example, the power pose, a term coined by Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy, involves putting out your arms and taking up the room, or placing your hands on your hips to feel a sense of power and control.8 These physical acts can help build your confidence both before and during your presentations.

Lena, an introverted engineer who delivers training, said that when speaking, she chooses someone who represents who she wants to be and “steps into them.” She often has modeled Oprah Winfrey’s posture, her stance, and even her low, assured voice to give her the confident feeling she craves.

Push

The push step in delivering presentations raises your game. Here are three steps to consider:

Use technology.

Say it aloud.

Get creative.

Use Technology

As technology advances at a rapid pace, creative, low-cost training solutions are sprouting up. These make it easier for companies to develop their staff and reach introverts and extroverts alike. One forward-thinking leader and communications executive, John Alderman, strongly believes in the power of technology to engage all personality types in his workforce.

John made short videos with senior leaders so that they could share their experiences and lessons. He also assigned five-hundred-word reviews of relevant leadership books to members of his team. The reviews were then shared on the company website and on social media to reach an even wider audience. Employees, especially introverts, who might not have been previously visible were now receiving bylines and recognition for their contributions.

Say It Aloud

Practicing aloud is a great strategy for editing your presentations. As the written words come alive, you can capture phrases that you can incorporate into your talk. You’ll also discover words and commentary that don’t serve the speech or that you tend to stumble over, so you can strike them out.

Practice aloud until you are tired of hearing your presentation. Listen to how you sound, including inflections, word emphases, pauses, and timing. Follow the lead of actors and break your practice time into segments, which will help you learn each part better.

If you haven’t had any speech training, consider joining Toastmasters,9 a worldwide nonprofit organization with a stated mission to help people become more competent and comfortable in front of an audience. With regular opportunities to practice speaking in a nonthreatening atmosphere, you receive supportive feedback.

Get Creative

What can you do to push yourself to be creative when you present? Think about adding provocative questions, demonstrating points to the audience, showing video clips, and even using props. Note what kinds of reactions you get from these creative elements and approaches.

Keeping your content and delivery style fresh will not only help you better connect with your audiences, but it will also keep you inspired.

John Alderman, mentioned earlier, begins every meeting with a five-minute briefing. People “share a concept, a personal opinion on the concept, and how the concept can be applied at our company,” John explained. This helps all team members, including introverts who might not voluntarily share their opinions, to get practice presenting in a low-risk environment. The rest of the team benefits by hearing these fresh ideas.

Sales trainer Marty Mercer used an innovative approach for one conference presentation. He arrived the evening before and, with camera in hand, wandered around the hotel taking shots of conference attendees, including some executives. That night Marty downloaded the photos and interspersed them into his slide presentation. He added humorous comments to go with the photos, and his audience was totally engaged throughout his talk. They appreciated that Marty had customized his talk with such flair. He did vet the captions with the meeting planners beforehand, just to be safe.

Practice

Look for Every Opportunity to Practice

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld is a master at his craft, but he didn’t become that way by accident. Take a lesson from his playbook when it comes to public speaking.

If I don’t do a [comedy] set in two weeks, I feel it. I read an article a few years ago that said when you practice a sport a lot, you literally become a broadband; the nerve pathway in your brain contains a lot more information. As soon as you stop practicing, the pathway begins shrinking back down. Reading that changed my life. I used to wonder, why am I doing these sets, getting on a stage? Don’t I know how to do this already? The answer is no. You must keep doing it. The broadband starts to narrow the moment you stop.10

Here are some tips to practice:

Deliver a recap of a recent training class at your next staff meeting.

After you attend a conference, report back to your team what you learned about competitive trends.

Offer to present a project status report to another team.

Volunteer to encourage people to attend a fundraiser.

If you take the time to notice them, opportunities to speak are all around you.

Be sure to ask respected peers for specific feedback on your body language and content. By telling people what you want to receive feedback on, you can target their help. Consider asking them to grade you on a scale of 1 to 10 and then clarify what they think you can do to improve.11

Practice is the only way to improve. By following the 4 Ps ideas in this chapter (see Figure 4) and practicing diligently, you will be on the road to delivering powerful presentations. You will make an impact on others, and your career visibility will rise.

A summary of the specific steps to take when delivering powerful presentations: First, prepare includes know audience, prepare content, and know yourself. Next, presence includes connect, pause, and body language. Then, push includes use tech, say it aloud, and get creative. Finally, practice is speak, speak.

FIGURE 4: The 4 Ps of Delivering Powerful Presentations

CHAPTER 6 Leading and Participating in Meetings

Carlos, an account executive, dialed in for the weekly Zoom call. As the initial chitchat started to wane, he thought to himself hopefully, This time will be different. With so many extroverted people on the call, he often found it difficult to find space in the conversation to insert his ideas. True to form, the high-energy group began, and then raced through the agenda.

Carlos delivered his report. As the back-and-forth dialogue on the new marketing plan began, once again he found it difficult to make his voice heard. By the time he had an opportunity to speak up, the group had moved on to closing business, and he had missed his chance to contribute.

Do you sometimes feel invisible, like Carlos? This is one of the most common concerns I hear from introverts. “My boss tells me I need to speak up more,” one leader told me. Or, “Being a good listener doesn’t count for much—what counts is how much you speak.”

Let’s look at what techniques can help you, as an introverted leader, build on your quiet strengths in meetings where extroverts tend to dominate (see Figure 5).

Prepare

Imagine approaching meetings as if you were learning a competitive sport. For example, in tennis, you might begin by watching a few matches on YouTube, getting a grasp of the rules, learning how to keep score, and then taking lessons.

As you gain mastery of the game’s skills, you learn how to size up your opponents and develop strategies. You can use a similar process when preparing for meetings.

Whether you are running the meeting or are a participant, know the key elements to help you prepare:

Know the purpose.

Prepare to contribute, and help others do the same.

Ease into the meeting.

Sit strategically (in person).

Know the Purpose

Be clear about the need and the purpose of a meeting before you call it. Dick Axelrod and Emily Axelrod, coauthors of Let’s Stop Meeting Like This, suggest you start by thinking about what information needs to be shared. Does it require dialogue with others? Is there a compelling reason to coordinate actions, make decisions, and develop actions and strategies?1 A meeting can be also be a good place to solve a problem, create ideas, vent feelings, or recognize achievements.

Too often, people say yes to meeting invites without questioning them. Understand why you have been invited. Were you asked to be present out of habit? If your boss asked you to attend in her absence, do you have the authority to make decisions? Or are you there simply to be a representative, obtain information, and report back?

Are the right people in the meeting? Think through who might be missing from the attendee list. Anyone who can provide relevant information, articulate different perspectives, or have a stake in the outcome should be considered for a seat at the table.

Prepare to Contribute, and Help Others Do the Same

What are the ways you can make the meeting a win for you and the group? Steve Piersanti, founder of Berrett-Koehler Publishers, says that he prepares to become an active participant in meetings. He asks himself two main questions: “What can I contribute?” and “What can I gain?”

Kate, an introverted team leader, sent out a message with attached documents to read. She emphasized that we’d discuss the information provided in those documents and use the meeting to make decisions. With the expectation laid out, most team members did their homework. As we wrapped up, the group agreed that the time was used more efficiently because the topic could be considered beforehand.

As we have discussed, running a meeting without a clear agenda is like trying to sail a ship without a chart. If a meeting is called, ask the team leader to provide an agenda in advance so that you can be better positioned to fully contribute. If there is no agenda, offer to collect items from the team and prepare one (remember the phrase from Chapter 4: “No agenda, no attenda.”).

Tim, an introverted coaching client, shared an impactful strategy that his boss, Priya, used before one-on-one meetings. Priya is an extrovert, but she knew that Tim valued time for reflection. He said, “Before a critical meeting, she would come by my office, drop off a written proposal, and say, ‘I need you to look at this. I will be back in ten minutes.’ This one action helped us both tremendously,” he said. Priya gave Tim the time he needed to think about the proposal, and he was able to give her a thoughtful, reasoned response.

Ease into the Meeting

Arrive at meetings ten minutes early so that your body and mind are ready. Beware of the tendency to schedule yourself too tightly between meetings, as this results in rushing into a room or ringing in late to a video call. Showing up early will allow you to settle in and reflect on your purpose. You will also make a positive impression on others, who see you as well positioned and calm.

In addition, arriving early allows time for small talk, which eases you into a natural rapport with others. If you are the facilitator, put “Connecting” as the first item on the agenda to avoid immediately diving into business.

If ten or fewer people are there, you can ask each person for one good-news update. On video calls, plant questions that will encourage people to step into the chats. If you have more than ten people in attendance, you can shorten the process by asking for a word to describe their current mood.

Introverts, who might not normally volunteer personal information, often appreciate this opportunity to connect in a more structured way before the official meeting.

Sit Strategically (In Person)

Consider approaches that help you establish a strong presence. You can influence how people perceive you, by where you place yourself in the room.

At a long table, seats at the center provide more opportunity for visibility than seats toward the ends of the table. The latter make it difficult to make eye contact with everyone. There might be times when it makes sense to take a seat at the end of the table, especially if you want to exert power.

In a classroom-style setting, sitting toward the front announces to others in the room that you are there. While you might feel more comfortable in the back, out of the spotlight, seeing all the people in front of you can make it harder to speak up.

Presence

This section introduces ways to develop presence in meetings:

Establish and enforce ground rules.

Use brainwriting.

Get your voice in the room.

Build in breaks.

Establish and Enforce Ground Rules

Ground rules put controls on the meeting process. These are guidelines that the team creates and agrees to abide by. (See the Sample Ground Rules list.) Make sure the wording works and that meanings are clear to everyone. A thumbs-up gesture from team members confirms the group is on board once you have created the rules together.

When discussions go off course, participants can gently remind one another about the agreed-to guidelines without the facilitator having to intervene.

Miguel, an introverted leader, wrote an email to me extolling the value he sees in having guidelines. “I appreciate the emphasis on structure,” he said. “If I knew rules were in place to prevent others from cutting me off, I would contribute more to the meetings I attend.”

Be willing to enforce the rules. One group had a “be on time” ground rule and decided to lock the door once the meeting started. Everyone agreed, and when the door was bolted at starting time, several team members were surprised to find themselves barred from the meeting. They subsequently made sure they showed up on time!

Consider ethnic and organizational cultures when establishing and enforcing these guidelines. In some Asian countries, for instance, it might not work to create a rule about “speaking in headlines.” That is because the cultural expectation is to encourage rich group discussion and consensus; speaking in short bursts would push up against accepted norms.

At the end of a meeting, you can take a few minutes to allow people to make improvement suggestions. Request that everyone write down both something that went well during the meeting and an idea to improve the process. This could range from comments about the temperature in the room to the scope of the discussed project.

Read the collected ideas out loud and ask for clarification if needed. Suggestions for fixes can be made then, and as the meeting leader, you can respond to the feedback and adjust between meetings, demonstrating that you have heard the group and are prepared to act on their suggestions.

SAMPLE GROUND RULES

Be on time. Honor start and stop times.

Participate, speak, and be present.

Show respect, and monitor side conversations; one person speaks at a time.

Put your devices on silent, including vibrations.

Speak in headlines. Focus on main points.

Maintain confidentiality. What is said stays in the room.

Use Brainwriting

Idea generation is one reason for meeting, but unfortunately, traditional brainstorming techniques don’t typically work for introverts. Too often, the comments that land on the whiteboard come from the loudest voices in the room: the extroverts.

Consider brainwriting.

Brainwriting is an introvert-friendly technique that relies on taking the time to think and write.2 Distribute a piece of paper to each team member. Tell people to write the issue or question at the top of the sheet and then list solutions. Instruct them to pass their paper to the person to their right. The next person reads the first response to themselves and either adds to it or writes a completely new idea. Continue circulating the papers. You can then collect the perspectives that have emerged from this quiet reflection and share key themes with the group.

This can also be done using technology tools like Padlet, Fig-Jam, Lucidspark, and Miro.

The thoughts are typically more robust and representative of the entire group than those you might get from a traditional brainstorming session. Here are some other approaches for higher introvert engagement.

TECHNIQUES FOR HIGHER INTROVERT ENGAGEMENT

Before and after group discussions, give people two to three minutes to jot down their thoughts.

In online meetings, encourage responses in the chatbox.

Break the team into pairs or small groups to discuss issues and report back to the larger group. This can be done both live and online.

Build in moments of silence for introverts to reflect.

Put a question out to the group and allow each person two minutes to give an opinion on the topic.

Ask introverts to take roles as scribes or timekeepers to help increase their profiles.

On conference calls and online meetings, ask for input from East Coast to West Coast, or ask people to speak up in alphabetical order by first name.

To tackle specific issues, incorporate small task forces that meet outside the large group and then report back.

Read the room. Take unscheduled breaks when you sense energy is low.

Get Your Voice in the Room

The “first five minutes” rule suggests that you contribute to the meeting in the first five minutes. Commenting, asking a question, or even paraphrasing what has been said is easier to do at the beginning of the meeting, and you will be perceived as a contributor. The longer you wait to get your “voice in the room,” the bigger a deal it seems to become. If the idea of speaking so early in the meeting makes you anxious, practice your remark aloud ahead of time.

A WAY TO AMPLIFY YOUR VOICE

On Zoom meetings, amplify your voice by standing up. Try this experiment: While sitting, say the sentence, “It is a nice day outside.” Now stand up and say the same words. Can you detect a difference?

Most likely the sentence will come out louder and stronger while you’re standing.

People on the phone can’t see you, but they will hear the elevated energy in your voice. When you stand, your diaphragm is more open, and you breathe in more oxygen. Many introverted salespeople say this standing technique adds power and confidence to their delivery, leading to positive sales results.

How to Show Engagement

Introverts are often wrongly accused of being aloof and showing little expression on their faces. Pat Wadors, chief human resource officer at Intuitive, is an introvert who has learned how to manage perceptions at virtual meetings. She realized that she doesn’t need to verbalize a lot. She uses impactful body language by leaning in and nodding her head at different intervals throughout the meeting. One leader complimented her on her engagement when she hadn’t even said a word!

Build In Breaks

Sometimes deadlines and time pressures mean that breaks in meetings are overlooked. This robs introverts of quiet time, a chance to reflect and bring their best work to the table. Plan to build in breaks by using the timer on your phone.

Also consider scheduling the creative, idea-generation portion of meetings separately from action-planning or decision-making sessions. This gives introverts a chance to let their ideas percolate. They can return from the break with clear heads, ready to dive into decision-making. Some leaders find they increase effectiveness by scheduling even a few days between the two sessions.

If breaks haven’t been scheduled, it’s a good idea to ask for what you need. Martin, an introverted leader, buys time with his team and boss by asking if he can respond the next day. “It is all about how I frame it up,” Martin says.

Push

You can strengthen your push muscle at meetings when you:

Use technology wisely.

Have assertive tools to handle extroverts.

Use Technology Wisely

Technology can be an asset at meetings, but it’s important to take responsibility for managing your devices and staying focused on the content of the meeting. When the group is fully engaged in the work at hand, technology is a less tempting distraction.

Be selective on how you use technology. It is common to use our phones as mini computers to get quick answers to questions on the spot. For example, Isabella, a marketing manager at a Fortune 500 company, says her team sends text messages to make sure they are aligned before pitching an idea to a client or senior executive. They call it a “techie check-in.”

But technology can also lead to unfortunate mishaps. On one conference call, several people came up with a great idea while the customer was talking. They put this customer on mute to discuss “their brilliant proposal.” In the meantime, the customer was verbalizing the same idea. The team returned to the call and presented their concept. They were caught in the blatant act of not listening, causing embarrassment and a loss of credibility with the client.

The growth of virtual platforms such as Slack offers several benefits for introverts. First, it allows you to maximize a preference for writing through the chat function. Second, you aren’t forced to engage face-to-face, and can take time to think about what you want to say. Third, the pace is usually a bit slower than in a live interaction. And being able to contribute questions and comments at regular intervals makes you an active, visible member of the team.

Have Assertive Tools to Handle Extroverts

Keep in mind that extroverts are often unaware they’re dominating the conversation. They are wired to talk out their ideas, and even to interrupt. They tend to expect introverts to act like them and jump in.

The Tips for Handling Talkers at Meetings list provides some push tips that introverted leaders have shared about how to handle extroverts who dominate the airspace.

TIPS FOR HANDLING TALKERS AT MEETINGS

Paraphrase what a speaker has said. When it’s clear that the person believes you understand, respond with “I would like to hear what others have to say.” If the speaker continues making the same points, add, “What else do I need to understand?”

When you want to speak, state the person’s name and say, “[name], I would like to say something.” If you’re in a live meeting, hold up your hand or make a gesture indicating you’d like to speak.

If someone cuts you off, say firmly, “I am speaking and would like to finish my thought.”

Maintain a neutral facial expression. Don’t smile or nod, as that encourages more talking.

When on the phone, eliminate responses like “uh-huh” and “yes.” That will only encourage the long-winded participant to keep talking.

If you miss an opportunity to speak, send a follow-up email that same day to members of the team.

Practice

You most likely will have many opportunities to practice your meeting management approaches. Here are some ideas on how you can practice getting the maximum results from your meetings:

Become a meeting SME.

Use meetings as learning labs.

Practice new approaches.

Become a Meeting SME

Why not bring to your company fresh ways of approaching meetings by becoming a meeting SME (subject matter expert)? You can begin by arriving early, creating agendas, establishing ground rules, and modeling meeting performance.

Janine is an accomplished director of accounting at a large telecommunications company. She attended several dysfunctional meetings, complete with shouting matches. Frustrated with spending her time in these uncomfortable energy-draining sessions, Janine felt compelled to act.

She was a new employee and felt it was risky to speak up. But she also knew that she had to assert herself or nothing would change. We rehearsed the conversation she planned to have with her team leader, and she scheduled the call. Janine shared her frustration and proposed enforcing the ground rules she and her team leader had created.

After careful consideration, the leader agreed with her proposal and received buy-in from the group. Janine said later that the rule “One person speaks at a time” figured prominently on the list. People slowly began to listen to one another; and when they didn’t, they reminded one another of the guidelines posted on the wall.

This change helped them work through disagreements and turn negative energy into provocative exchanges. Had Janine not applied her knowledge of good meeting management and not had the courage to speak up, she might still be squirming in those nonproductive meetings today.

Use Meetings as Learning Labs

Live and virtual meetings can become places for you to learn. Use your introvert strength of strong observation. Focus on how team members and leaders handle conflict and engage quieter employees. Listen to what they say when they are interrupted, and write down their “power phrases.” Notice how they organize key points and phrase questions. These lessons will prove invaluable.

Practice New Approaches

Try on new approaches. If you want to practice speaking up, try the “first five minutes” rule mentioned earlier, or use one of the phrases suggested in the Tips for Handling Talkers at Meetings list to manage interruptions.

Enter every meeting with a spirit of curiosity, intent on discovery, and meetings will be sources of growth rather than organizational chores to be dreaded or avoided.

Picture this scenario: In the meetings you attend, your input is valued. Your healthy meeting practices are adopted by others. Action items are executed, and projects move forward.

As you gain visibility with others across and outside your organization, your career benefits. You are seen as a superhero for reducing meeting times and making them more productive. People will be grateful to get back needed time. Your company will reap untold dollars in cost savings.

Does this sound like a pipe dream? It doesn’t have to be, if you practice your meeting skills. And in addition to the workplace, consider practicing these tools in your community and professional organizations. Once you’ve committed to improving meeting mastery, your life will only get better.

A summary of specific steps to take when leading and participating in meetings: First, prepare includes know the purpose, agendas, come early, and strategic sitting. Next, presence includes ground rules, brainwriting, voice in the room, and build in breaks. Then push includes assert yourself and use tech wisely. Finally, practice includes master technique, observe to learn, and master healthy meetings.

FIGURE 5: The 4 Ps of Leading and Participating in Meetings

CHAPTER 7 Networking, Your Way

John, a new IT account executive, was headed for the annual customer retreat at a Hawaiian resort. Suitcase in hand, he headed to the ride-hailing line and noticed that most of the rest of his group were waiting for their golf clubs to arrive. An inexperienced golfer, John figured his handicap was too high to play with these mostly seasoned golfers. His plan was to go for a run and then nap while the others were hitting the back nine that afternoon.

John felt comfortable as he walked into the next morning’s new-product rollout meeting, but that changed quickly. Jokes from the previous day’s outing went over his head. He was also out of the loop about customer concerns that had obviously been discussed.

John had not realized that involvement in company leisure activities was important. He spent most of the morning trying to catch up.

Have you experienced feeling like an “other” because significant issues were discussed at “the meeting before the meeting”? In these informal pre-meetings, important information is shared, connections are strengthened, and decisions are made. In today’s workplace, the golf course, the company gym, or even the local coffee shop can serve as a backdrop for conducting business.

Sponsored community events—think road races, bike rides, and volunteer projects—also lead to unofficial work discussions. Conferences and trade shows are other venues where deals get made away from the official limelight.

Networking concerns are among the top issues that my introverted clients bring to our sessions. There is misunderstanding about what it means to network.

Networking is about building relationships for mutual, beneficial exchange. We accomplish our goals, receive support, and learn from the people we know and trust.

Networking expert Ivan Misner says, “Networking is not about who you know or who knows you, but it is how well you know each other. Will the other person be willing to do you a favor?”1

Your instinct might be to go into shutdown mode when mingling opportunities come up. “Introverts will run a mile rather than go to a networking event,” says British networking expert Andy Lopata.2 However, networking skills are not “the birthright of the chosen few.”3

Yet our research has revealed that introverts, with their focused attention, willingness to prepare for social situations, and listening acumen, can be tremendously impactful connectors who build strong, lasting relationships.4 Let’s learn how they do that (see Figure 6).

Prepare

To become a strong networker, follow these five guidelines:

Know your purpose.

Decide what you can offer.

Decide what you need.

Prepare questions.

Create a social media strategy.

Know Your Purpose

We have found that introverts engage in networking thoughtfully. On social media, for instance, they typically think carefully about who they allow into their networks and what they want to share with people.

Is your purpose to build relationships with peers, learn from thought leaders in your field, attract clients, or scout for job opportunities? Do you want to spread your message to a larger audience? Once you’re clear on your purpose, it’s easier to choose which types of networking actions to take.

Decide What You Can Offer

Connecting is about reciprocity, so consider what you can offer others. Business advisor and coach Jesse Lyn Stoner knew the power of generosity when she started her blog. One of the key strategies she used to grow interest in her work was to share content from a wide scope of leadership experts. She gave voice to others by mentioning them in her posts. She consistently shared their work on her social media channels. This approach helped her greatly expand her reach to more than one million views a year.

Consider your work- and nonwork-related interests, experience, expertise, and ideas that you can offer. For instance, share a new tech tool you’ve found useful or a new sport like pickleball that you are enjoying. This helps people get to know you and loosens up the conversation.

Peeling the onion back on yourself and letting people learn more about your interests will connect you to others with more authenticity. It is then that true reciprocity happens as you become resources for one another.

Decide What You Need

Next, reflect on your needs. Invest time thinking about the information or expertise that could spur growth in your professional life and at home. What do you want to learn? What problem are you facing now? What resource could be useful to you?

Hannah, an introverted work colleague, shared that she avoids conflict at work. It was becoming a problem and impacting her mental health as situations piled up.

She asked for ideas on how to improve at managing conflict. I suggested several classes and books, and she was grateful. When you ask for specific help, people know how they can best help you.

Even if you don’t find the exact answer to your challenge, disclosing something you need reveals your vulnerability and connects you to people on a deeper level. You become two people solving problems together, and you have gone beyond superficial conversation.

Prepare Questions

Craft questions that will help you initiate conversations. Asking open-ended questions, such as “What brings you to this reception today?” “What is the most interesting part of your job?” “Can you tell me about the project you are working on right now?” or “What is the most challenging part of your work?” can jump-start many interesting and fruitful dialogues.

Create a Social Media Strategy

Social media offers many networking opportunities to introverts. These online networks and communities allow you to think through ideas before responding, express beliefs and thoughts in writing, and connect more easily to new people.

In one study, more than 75 percent of CEOs who ranked in the top fifty by their employees on Glassdoor were present on social media channels. The top twenty-five CEOs tended to be more socially active than those ranked in the second half of the list. These leaders use social media to share information on company culture, shine a spotlight on employees, share personal aspects of themselves, and engage in efforts to be more transparent.5 Following their example, how might you use social media to connect with people in your own communities?

An advantage to networking through social media is that you have control over when, how, and what you connect about. It also lets you research people and their organizations so you can be better prepared with background information and questions in face-to-face settings. Having this knowledge can serve as a confidence builder. Consider the following example:

“I have two people on my sales team who are strong introverts,” says Daniel, an entrepreneur. “They both use LinkedIn as a means of creating a warm relationship with clients before they make any type of personal contact.”

Decide which social media platforms work for your needs. Part of that decision rests with where the people you want to reach reside. If you need ideas, look at Chapter 9 of Quiet Influence, which has suggestions for crafting a thoughtful social media plan that caters to introverts.6

Social media experts advise that posting consistently is important, no matter which network you choose. Find your rhythm and the process that best fits you. Also, by following people and commenting on their posts, you can start to form new relationships and gain credibility.

Presence

Here are ways to develop your networking presence:

Listen actively.

Move to substance talk.

Pique interest.

Let’s look at how these steps work.

Listen Actively

Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Our research with successful introverts reveals that they often gravitate toward longer, one-on-one, focused conversations rather than short interchanges that broach several topics.7

Paraphrasing is a powerful tool that involves reflecting in your own words what someone has just said in a way that makes them feel heard. It also helps the speaker clarify their own thoughts and is a way of validating the other person and confirming that you are listening and understand.

Paraphrasing as a tool creates a nice conversational flow. When you feel stuck or unsure of what to say next, reflecting your conversational partner’s words and meaning buys you time to decide what to say next. You can respond without pressure.

Another benefit of paraphrasing in networking conversations is that extroverts feel less pressure to draw you out and get you to talk, because you are talking. The conversation becomes more evenly distributed.

Move to Substance Talk

Discussions about substantial topics, as opposed to small talk, is what leads to connection. Discussions may start out with something inconsequential (e.g., the weather), but you can take the opportunity to segue quickly into something with substance. This gives you a chance to share your perspective and learn from your partner.

For instance, I was discussing tornadoes that had struck near Atlanta with a man who gave me a detailed description of the events from his experience. We both lamented the damage to the downtown area. From there, I transitioned to discussing the CNN Center, so I could share with him the effects of the winds on one of my clients. That led to a focused discussion about his experience with that company, and we discovered that we had several common contacts. From our small talk about the weather, we moved into substance talk.

Yi, an introverted technical recruiter, said:

I have always relied on finding common ground to start the conversations—just anything to get the other person to talk more about themselves. Maybe it’s the weather, sports, movies, or where they’re from. Sometimes you can discover that differences will help you connect. For example, you can say: “I’ve never been scuba diving. What was the hardest part for you to learn?”

Pique Interest

Inevitably, you’ll be asked the question, “What do you do?” Instead of launching into the traditional elevator speech where you offer a monologue about yourself, consider this as an invitation to pique your conversational partner’s interest. Engage your listener in a dialogue where you can learn more about each other.

Let’s say you are a customer service manager at a hospital. At a local gathering, you might ask: “Have you or your friends or family ever been to our hospital?” If the answer is yes, you can respond with, “Well, I oversee the processes and people who make sure you and your loved ones receive the very best care possible.”

You can also answer the question with an example. For instance, you might say, “Do you ever order products online?” If they answer yes, say: “As a supervisor, I make sure our systems deliver products to our customers on time and in perfect condition. For example, one of our customers had a sudden increase in orders for a particular product, so I worked with the plant manager to add temporary staffing and made sure we fulfilled the increase in orders on time. We shipped the products a day early and the customer was extremely pleased.” How can you adapt these previous examples to your own situation?

Push

Introverted leaders take several actions to move out of their networking comfort zone. Here are nine practical networking push steps you can choose from:

Resist looking at your phone.

Introduce people.

Try the Fast Friends Procedure.

Look for “open 2s and 3s.”

Lead an icebreaker.

Learn and teach names.

Step up to volunteer.

Ask for an introvert-friendly meeting location.

Honor your need to recharge.

Resist Looking at Your Phone

When waiting in line, resist looking at your phone, and strike up a conversation instead. Say to the person next to you in line: “It is a nice day today.” If you’re seated on a plane, ask “Where are you headed?” Spontaneous conversations can lead to learning, and you will raise your endorphins as well. As mentioned earlier, these interactions also combat the risk of loneliness.

Introduce People

At a networking reception, introduce your conversational partner to someone nearby. You don’t even have to know the other person. Just say hello and glance at their nametag to call them by name. Once a conversation gets going, you can slip away and keep mingling or take a break to recharge your energy. Many introverts tell me this tactic helps them avoid getting stuck in one conversation too long.

Try the Fast Friends Procedure

This process can be a bit of a stretch for introverts and extroverts because it requires us all to be vulnerable.8 It is appropriate as a structured icebreaker of at least fifteen minutes in a meeting or training session. You choose from a list of thirty-six questions9 that allow each of you to share more intimate details about yourself.

Research and my own experience with this tool show that you feel closer to a stranger than if you were simply engaging in small talk.

Here are some examples of questions to ask when practicing the Fast Friends Procedure:

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?”

“If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?”

Look for Open 2s and 3s

Networking guru Ivan Misner suggests10 we make ourselves accessible in conversation so that we are standing openly, not directly facing each other. That way, people are more comfortable stepping in.

When scanning a reception, look for those open 2s and 3s, and you can seamlessly enter the group.

Lead an Icebreaker

During a meal at professional events, start a “roundtable” conversation. Suggest that each person give a two-minute overview of what they are working on right now and a need they may have. Natural connections will be made as you offer and receive ideas. You might also come away with referrals to other people.

Introverted author Jill Chang felt very energized after an event where she met with authors of similar backgrounds. The organizer had wisely arranged for their bios and websites to be distributed beforehand. Jill checked out their LinkedIn profiles and ended up with several beneficial conversations after the event. The host had set the stage for connections to be made.

Learn and Teach Names

Learn the names of people by repeating their name to yourself at least five times. This will help the name stick in your memory. Teach people to remember your name by association cues. For example: “My name is Sherry, like the drink.” Pronouncing names can be challenging, so make that easy for people too by coming up with words that rhyme with yours.

Step Up to Volunteer

At receptions, offer to help with tasks. You will have a purpose, you will connect more fully with people in the organization, and members will get to learn more about your capabilities as they watch you in action.

Hosting events also can be a counterintuitive strategy for introverts. Dr. Holloway, former Rutgers University president, says that when he hosted college events, guests naturally came over and spoke with him and he didn’t worry about having to circulate.

Ask for an Introvert-Friendly Meeting Location

Request that your contacts meet you at venues that are comfortable for you as an introvert. A quiet coffee shop with soft music or a restaurant bar during nonpeak times can be good choices. If it is a virtual meeting, make sure you are in a quiet location and test out the technology beforehand so that it does not become a distraction.

Honor Your Need to Recharge

When you’re at programs that provide networking opportunities, remember to find places and spaces to reenergize.

This may mean coming to a reception for a short time to be visible and meet some people. You can leave before you are exhausted. It’s fine to say that you need to be somewhere else, even if that is to go home and relax on the couch.

Practice

Not only will you become better at networking, but you can practice once you’ve established momentum. Here are two ways to do that:

Feed your network.

Follow up.

Feed Your Network

Relationships aren’t built overnight. It takes an investment of time, attention, and consistent contact. Use social media to recognize your contacts’ birthdays and work anniversaries. Also send them articles and links you think they might find of interest. This shows that you have taken an interest in who they are.

Some introverted leaders stay in touch by dropping a handwritten note or recording voice notes and sending them to colleagues they haven’t seen in a while. It’s also a good idea to plan some time to connect face-to-face or by phone each month with professional and personal members of your network.

The care and feeding of relationships is critical to helping you reach your goals. As an introvert, your keen listening, astute observations, and talent for careful planning will give you the natural boost you need to make this happen.

Follow Up

Excellent networkers realize that the most important step in the process, next to meeting people, is the follow-up. As an introvert, take time to reflect. Use that strength to plan how to best connect with the people you meet at networking events and through social media.

When someone you meet shares something about a website, book, or app, commit to checking it out and letting them know what you think. If you both agree to meet for lunch or coffee, select a date and time immediately, and keep your commitment.

If you are introduced to someone through a networking contact, thank them and let them know how their intervention helped open doors for you. If you close this loop, those people will be there for you again.

After trying on some of the networking strategies in this chapter, take time to think about which ones fit you best. Continue connecting and learning, and watch your life and career expand in unexpected ways.

A summary of specific stept to take when networking your way: First, prepare includes know your purpose, offers and needs, prepare questions, and social media plan. Next, presence includes listen actively, substance talk, and pique interest. Then push includes no phone, introduce people, fast friends, "Open 2s and 3s," icebreaker, teach names, volunteer location, and recharge. Finally, practice includes follow up and feed your network.

FIGURE 6: The 4 Ps of Networking, Your Way

CHAPTER 8 Communicating and Coaching for Results

Danielle, an experienced civil engineer, received a call from her contractor asking her to check on a job across town. After she pulled up to the construction site in her pickup truck, she asked Bob, the foreman, to grab a cup of coffee with her. They joked together, talked shop, and generally felt at ease with each other. As she and Bob rode down the highway, they discussed problems with a subcontractor who had been late delivering supplies. When she dropped Bob off at his worksite thirty minutes later, they had formulated a plan to make the supplier accountable.

Have you ever had a productive work conversation in an informal setting? Maybe it wasn’t in a pickup, but you probably found the unstructured setting made it easier to converse. Informal environments set the stage for building rapport and leading the kind of low-key, low-stress conversations that introverts relish. Work can then flow more naturally.

In this chapter, we explore the ways that introverted leaders can use the 4 Ps to play to their strengths as they communicate and coach for results (see Figure 7).

Prepare

Preparation contributes greatly to communication success. Introverted leaders take the time they need to think about their goals for interactions, whether it is in face-to-face conversations, phone calls, or meetings. Here are a few key steps that they take to prepare to communicate and coach for results:

Be curious.

Prepare a script of talking points.

Prenumber comments.

Allow time between appointments.

Prepare great questions.

Plan productive coaching sessions.

Be Curious

Introverted leaders are known to analyze situations before emerging with a plan. When it comes to influencing others, this proves to be a real asset. Sometimes you need to revisit your plan to gain buy-in.

Mark, a soft-spoken IT project manager in a large accounting firm, sent out invites to the people he needed to attend a meeting. He assumed everyone he invited would show up. But only half of them appeared. Without the full team there, it was impossible to make decisions, and the project quickly went off schedule.

Mark reflected on the problem and realized that he had failed to explain to individual team members the scope of the assignment and their needed contributions. He had assumed they understood the benefits to them, their departments, and the firm, but this wasn’t the case.

Mark wanted to understand what had prevented each team member from attending. He spoke to people individually, and listened. In some cases they hadn’t seen his project as a priority, and in other cases their managers had pulled them in other directions. By being curious, he better understood the pushes and pulls they were subjected to and was able to play interference with their managers. He also helped them see the importance of their roles to their own and the project’s success.

STAKEHOLDER ANALYSIS CHART

As you begin thinking through the kind of support a project calls for and how much help you’re currently getting, take a methodical look at the situation. Doing so so can lead to a better understanding of how to ensure the project’s success. Consider using a stakeholder analysis chart, like Mark did in the preceding example, to analyze your team and achieve buy-in.

Based on the conversations he had with each stakeholder, Mark determined each member’s interest in the project, the probability of their completing their part, the roadblocks they might encounter, and how critical their contributions were to the project. After the conversations, he assigned to each stakeholder a number from 1 (low commitment) to 5 (high commitment). That helped him determine the types of influencing and communication strategies he would use with each person (see Table 3).

TABLE 3: Stakeholder Analysis Chart

1

2

3

4

5

Wei

x

Char

x

Joe

x

Mia

x

Ha

x

Based on the chart, Wei might need regular updates with specific questions on his progress, whereas Char may need less frequent check-ins. This type of planning plays to your introvert sweet spot of analysis and planning and can minimize problems as a project unfolds.

Prepare a Script of Talking Points

Have you traveled abroad and tried to communicate with people who didn’t know your language? If so, you probably have tried to learn a few phrases in that country’s language to attempt basic conversation—or at least to find the bathroom! Even if the locals smile at your speaking attempts or respond in English, trying to communicate in another language is a great way to break the ice.

If you don’t find it comfortable to initiate conversations, you can prepare a few handy phrases to make it easier. Crafting conversation starters like the questions in Chapter 7 is a good way to ease into the give-and-take of an informal chat or even a more high-level discussion. With talking points, you are more relaxed, which makes it easier to improvise.

Prenumber Your Comments

My late colleague, Dr. Gene Griessman, had a helpful practice of prenumbering his comments. When it was his turn to speak in our Mastermind group,1 he would break into the conversation and say something like: “Tom made several statements I really agree with. I have three comments I would like to make.” By sharing the number of questions or comments you have, “you are almost always able to finish what you have to say.” You are also prompting people to listen attentively as you move through your points.

Allow Time between Appointments

We have spoken several times in this book about the need for introverts to have breaks. Spacing out appointments is important too. Consider blocking out ten minutes or so between your calls and one-on-ones to give yourself breathing room. This will also allow you to reflect on the next call’s purpose and your desired outcome.

If you feel the need to break the ice before getting down to business, jot down a few notes about what is new in your life. Recall a personal fact about the person with whom you will be conversing. This will help you establish rapport and demonstrate that you listened the last time you spoke with them.

Prepare Great Questions

We have also discussed the power of great questions. They are an essential tool for communication success. Not only will excellent questions keep you focused, but asking them is also one of the best ways to unveil the information you need to make high-quality decisions.

Ravi, a CFO in a large media organization, learned the hard way how important prepared questions are. He typically formulates a list of questions before meetings to prompt his memory and help him accomplish the meeting’s goals. During one important strategic planning session, he reached for his list and realized he had left it in his home office.

Without his prepared questions, Ravi was thrown off-center and lost confidence. Now he makes sure his questions are housed on multiple devices, including his phone. Not having them made Ravi realize how important these are to his ability to contribute.

Plan Productive Coaching Sessions

Having suitable, prepared questions also is essential when leaders are coaching employees. This important aspect of a leader’s job can happen spontaneously or in more formal performance discussions. It provides the opportunity to help people reach higher performance levels. Measured, deep, one-on-one conversations play to an introverted leader’s strengths.

The right questions can also foster self-awareness, help people find their own solutions to problems, and hasten personal progress. The GROW model is a popular and useful coaching formula. You take four steps to help others discover their own solutions. Try this practical method the next time you are coaching a teammate.

Goal: Define the issue or problem.

Reality: Describe the situation.

Options: Understand possible solutions.

Will: Commit to an action plan.

Here are sample questions to use:

Goal

“What do you see as the problem(s) or issue(s)?”

“Of these issues, which is the most important right now?”

“What do you think needs to change?”

“What outcome would you like to achieve?”

Reality

“What action steps have you already taken?”

“What obstacles will need to be overcome?”

“What resources do you have?”

“What resources do you need?”

Options

“What are different ways to approach the problem?”

“What else can you do?”

“What are the pros and cons of these options?”

“Would you like to hear a suggestion from me?”

Will

“What is the most viable option for you right now?”

“What is the first action step you will take?”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your commitment to taking this action?”

“How can I support you in reaching your goal?”

Presence

After they have prepared, introverted leaders are clear in their ongoing communication. Here are three important ways to do that:

Communicate expectations.

Solicit input.

Match the medium to the message.

Communicate Expectations

Leaders can help drive successful projects by setting clear expectations. People need to know their destination, the road they’re embarking on, and where they should invest their time. What are the priorities?

This lesson was underscored on a volunteer project I was on. The project, creating a professional development workshop for a local organization, suffered from the leader’s failure to define goals and roles. While team members asked for direction, we didn’t receive clear answers. Without clear expectations and direction, committee members operated independently, with no cohesive vision. As a result, the workshop didn’t bring in the number of participants we had hoped for, nor did we generate the income we were anticipating. It was not a surprising result.

Written communication is a form of expression that introverts find works for them. It minimizes the need for a great deal of up-front verbal explanation. A strong email with clear guidelines can be time efficient and effective.

Ute, an introverted administrator at a nonprofit agency, created a form to help her stay connected to her team throughout projects. The sheet listed the name of the project, target completion date, task list, participants, and due dates for deliverables.

Solicit Input

Strong leaders know that success hinges on getting buy-in from those who are doing the work. As described earlier in the Stakeholder Analysis Chart discussion, soliciting input from those people is crucial.

Erika, an introverted manager, understands the importance of inclusivity, such as soliciting the perspectives of team members who tend to be more withdrawn. She makes a point of calling on people by name to ask for their views. She wants to ensure that she isn’t missing out on great ideas from those who tend to be reserved. She also wants them to know their opinions count.

Cathy, an introverted leader at a large bank, first shares ideas with her team by email and then meets with individuals to get reactions and questions. When people know their opinion matters, they’re more likely to be committed to the project. Doing this not only garners goodwill with the folks she manages, but the diverse input helps make the concept stronger.

Match the Medium to the Message

Leaders need to assess the ways they communicate, and to know which method will be the most effective for the message that needs to be delivered. I once received a query from a reporter working on a story about people who had been fired via email. It would seem that engaging someone face-to-face or in a phone conversation would be a more appropriate way to deliver that difficult news.

How do many introverted leaders view communication? Our company’s survey results of responses from forty of those leaders from across different industries and job functions were intriguing. Respondents indicated that matching the communication method to the information that needs to be delivered is essential and increases the likelihood that people will receive the message.

Here is what we learned about how those introverts view communication options:

Email

They often find this tool to be the most effective for delivering data, setting appointments, and dispensing other routine information. They say that it’s also a great format for disseminating relevant content before meetings and outlining a business case for a project.

One survey respondent wrote: “Email allows me to get things off my plate (ex. delegating, responding to my team) so that I can concentrate on my most important task at hand. It also cuts down on the need for conversations that could lead to chitchat.”

Another observed: “I can write something and let it sit for a while. I can then come back to it and make changes before I send it out.”

Text Messages

They use texting to get quick answers, do on-the-spot logistical planning, and check in. Group texting “conversations” are also a time-efficient way to gather different viewpoints.

As with email, texting allows introverts to take the time they need to send the clearest message possible. One survey respondent said: “Texting is my greatest ally. It allows me to respond quickly and intelligently. The ability to edit before hitting Send (or Enter) reduces my risk of misused words or tone, something that happens often on the phone and creates enormous amounts of frustration and miscommunication.”

The Phone

This is a great tool to go deeper. Conversations are also good for connecting when you want to develop working relationships and build credibility. Your voice and tone become part of the medium. I once received a voicemail from Jared, an introverted sales member of our team, requesting that I call him. During our phone conversation, he explained a sensitive client situation that I could have easily misunderstood.

Survey respondents said their most popular reasons for calling are to remove distractions and to prepare questions and talking points before the call. Almost 60 percent of survey respondents said that they also rely on these prompts to refocus the conversation when it is getting off track.

Face-to-Face Communication

Delivering important news, launching a project, praising people, and working out issues and problems are best handled in face-to-face conversations. In another survey we conducted on LinkedIn with 80 responses, we asked: “If you are an introvert and need to have a tough conversation with a colleague, what form of communication would you prefer?” Over 60 percent answered “face-to-face.”

Tech entrepreneur, computer scientist, and philanthropist Paul English says that as an introvert, it’s a temptation to sit in front of his computer all day. “But if that’s literally all I do, it’s sucking energy out of the room. People want to engage with me. It’s a lot easier to transmit energy face-to-face than to transmit it electronically.”2

Pay Attention to Facial Expressions: Communicating with Your Face

Consider the story of Nelson Mandela, the great South African leader. What he consistently did in every setting was break out his huge smile. This symbolized his lack of bitterness toward White South Africans and communicated hope and triumph to Black voters. Mandela’s smile was his message.3

Like it or not, people read our faces more than they listen to our words, and they are not even aware of the weight they are putting on this aspect of our message.

Marcia is a woman I admire. She is bright and insightful, and always pulls her weight. But once, I was sitting in a meeting with her and thought, if looks could kill, she was committing murder. She had a flat expression on her face the entire time. I am sure Marcia’s intention was not to be off-putting; but fair or not, I judged her as unapproachable.

Research has shown that introverts tend to communicate apprehension more than extroverts.4 Maybe Marcia didn’t care about the impact her expressionless face had in that meeting. But in conversing with her team, she would want to consciously turn on more emotion at times so that they could connect with her. According to several studies, people with communication apprehension can be perceived as more distant, submissive, and indifferent by the people they speak to. This external assessment by others is supported by nonverbal signals, such as body language. Touching oneself, hiding one’s face, and a closed body posture could be such indicators.5

“It is especially important for introverts to read the body language and facial expressions of their conversational partner precisely, to recognize miscommunication early and react appropriately,” suggests author Dirk W. Eilert, of Germany, an expert in facial expressions.6

Eilert explains that facial muscles are directly connected to our brain’s emotion center. These signals reliably show how someone is feeling through movements called micro expressions. These occur unconsciously and give indications of emotions and objections. We are not usually aware of these. He says we can learn to recognize them, and in his work, he teaches people how to do this.

Some introverted leaders say that they prefer videoconferences over audioconferences because they can read facial expressions, which gives them clues into how others are thinking. Voice alone is not as revealing to them.

Leaders working with culturally diverse groups can also benefit from reading facial expressions. If you see a person smiling and you think they are unhappy, you can probe or observe to better understand what is really going on. Or, in another instance, you might say, “You look confused. Am I reading your expression correctly?”

Know When to Avoid Face-to-Face Conversations

Introverted leaders understand that, to preserve energy, they must be selective about spontaneous, in-person dialogues. On several episodes of the TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm, comedian Larry David laments the times when he runs into someone unexpectedly and is forced into conversation. He calls the awkward situation “stop and chats.”7

Likewise, many introverts find they are not prepared to engage in these stop and chats when their mind is somewhere else. They are aware of their limits and find ways to avoid too much people interaction.

Push

Introverted leaders who possess strong communication skills may make it look easy; but like actors who have focused on the discipline of learning their lines, they have likely pushed themselves out of their natural comfort zone. Here are four key ways you can push yourself to excel in communication while staying true to who you are:

Flex your style.

Raise the bar on your presentations.

Communicate with grounded energy.

Show power through your voice.

Flex Your Style

For introverted leaders, the challenge is to develop a repertoire of communication styles. The following chart lists some ideas on how to speak to introverts and extroverts.

COMMUNICATING WITH INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS

Communicating with Introverts

Communicating with Extroverts

In conversations, slow down, pause, and give them time to reflect and respond.

Before meetings, send agendas to help everyone prepare.

Offer quiet areas in the workplace, and remote work when possible.

Engage everyone in meetings by asking for their opinions. Use breakout groups.

Allow for individual writing and thinking time.

Let them think aloud.

Refer back to the agenda when they are getting off topic.

When asked what seems to be an invasive question, offer just what you are comfortable sharing.

Send concise emails and texts. Lead with the key point.

Use the walking meeting.

It’s typically not much of a stretch to communicate with other introverts, because you speak a similar language. But learning to communicate with extroverts requires that you shift gears.

Learning to flex your style from speaking “introvert” to speaking “extrovert” takes awareness and commitment. It might never feel totally natural to swing to the opposite side of your spectrum, but with practice, you can get more comfortable making that switch.

Raise the Bar on Your Presentations

As we discussed in Chapter 5, being comfortable while giving a presentation is an essential communication skill. “I hold workshops and perform presentations for my professional field,” a survey respondent said. “If it’s a topic I’m knowledgeable on, I’m much more confident. And when the attendees are looking to me for information, I don’t have to be as concerned about being talked over.”

Finding opportunities to learn new ways of speaking in front of groups will raise your communication comfort level and make it more likely that your message is heard.

Huy made a case for upcoming company changes by incorporating personal stories from his time playing sports in school. He discovered that the more stories he told, the better his messages landed.

Increase the “stickiness” of your presentations with creative approaches, such as photos and storytelling, as we outlined in Chapter 5.

Communicate with Grounded Energy

Assets that serve introverts well in times of change and uncertainty are a calm focus and grounded energy. We look to leaders for reassurance and direction. As an introverted leader, a push strategy might be finding ways to be more visible so that people can feed off your calm energy.

After a contentious election, Julia organized discussions in her organization. Members were divided on some of the larger sociopolitical issues swirling around, but they came together to hear one another and learn together.

Julia was able to calmly facilitate discussions. When she decided to step down, others in the group stepped up to help continue the calm, accepting dialogue that Julia had established.

Show Power through Your Voice

Have you ever called family members or friends and picked up on their mood in the first few seconds of the call? Most likely you read their voice—its tone, volume, and pitch. When we lack visual cues, as we do on calls, the ability to “read” voices becomes more important. Likewise, how you use your voice can make a tremendous difference in how you are received.

One key push strategy is to use your voice’s full range to express yourself. Author and voice coach Barbara McAfee, who has worked with many introverted leaders, says that outward expression will always be a “second language” to introverts. “Even so, it is possible to become quite conversant in that language with practice,” says Barbara. “I use characters—such as Luciano Pavarotti or Martin Luther King Jr.—to help introverts open more power in their voices. Once they get used to the feeling of being louder and more present, we work to integrate those sounds into their everyday communication.”8

Another key push strategy is to step into new and different voices to express yourself. Just as IT pro Paul Otte pretends he is James Bond by putting on a pair of aviator sunglasses, playing different roles can help you find the voice that allows you to be heard as the situation demands it.

Others push themselves to speak up in situations outside of work. “I must push out of my comfort zone when I take my car in to be serviced—I need to be clear, concise, and confident. Otherwise, they just roll right over me and take advantage,” said one survey respondent.

Practice

Opportunities to experiment with communication and coaching approaches are everywhere. The next time you are sitting in an airport, waiting in a grocery store line, or at a school function, try striking up a conversation with a stranger. As we have said, it will offer you a chance to practice your conversational skills, raise your endorphins, and make new connections.

Here are some specific ways to practice:

Use the eyebrow test.

Record yourself.

Use the Eyebrow Test

As you practice speaking and become comfortable initiating conversations, consider gathering on-the-spot feedback from conversational partners. Author Sam Horn uses a technique called the eyebrow test. When you introduce yourself or your idea to someone for the first time, watch their eyebrows. “If their eyebrows don’t move at all, it means they’re unmoved,” she says. If their eyebrows go up, your story or pitch has succeeded. “They’re engaged, and curious,” she explains. “They want to know more.”9

Record Yourself

As you participate in dialogues and presentations, record yourself so that you can listen back. Tune into your voice, your words, and if on video, your body language. There is no better way to improve.

Iain Wilke, former partner at Ernst & Young in England, had struggled and triumphed over his stutter. He told of an early time in his career when he practiced leaving a voicemail to a top prospect thirteen times before he pressed the Send button! He listened back over and over until he got the message just right. He laughs about it now, but also believes this type of discipline was a key to his success with this client and many others.

You will pick up nuances that you can change to impact how you are understood. As an introverted leader, you are probably already a great listener. With practice, you can tap into the full range of self-expression as you communicate, and achieve tremendous results in the process.

A summary of specific steps to take when communicating and coaching for results: First, prepare includes be curious, talking points, pre-number, allow time, questions, and coach. Next, presence includes set expectations, solicit input, and medium to message. Then push includes flex style, raise the bar, grounded energy, and power through voice. Finally, practice includes eyebrow test and record yourself.

FIGURE 7: The 4 Ps of Communicating and Coaching for Results

CHAPTER 9 Managing Up

Jim, a high-energy director of marketing, had barely unpacked the boxes in his new office when, one by one, his six direct reports delivered their lists of must-have budget requests. Dianne, an introverted leader, was the exception. After researching Jim’s background, she asked for time on his calendar the week after he settled in. At the meeting, they discussed their common interest in college football, and then she asked what questions Jim had about her department. He had a few, and in the next hour, Dianne showed herself to be a knowledgeable resource. When the time came for Jim to make budget decisions, Dianne’s requests were approved. She is—and remains—a key resource for her boss.

Renowned management expert Peter Drucker famously said, “You don’t have to like or admire your boss.” But he also emphasized the importance of managing relationships with supervisors because they can be key resources for “achievement, accomplishment and personal success.”1

Managing your boss means being savvy enough to realize that you need each other to accomplish your mutual goals. Like Dianne prepared for her new boss, you can also prepare to manage up (see Figure 8).

Prepare

Here are four steps you can take when preparing to manage up:

Meet regularly.

Consider the big picture.

Know what support you need.

Observe your manager’s style.

Meet Regularly

A common denominator in strong partnerships is meeting regularly. Most successful managers and their employees check in at least weekly. They focus on tactical issues and carve out time for strategic thinking and planning.

In this new workforce, your role might also be as a part-time employee, project team member, contractor, consultant, intern, or gig worker. These one-on-one discussions are important to have in all of these roles.2

Consider sending information in advance of meeting with your manager to allow them time to consider your ideas. This can help both of you stay focused, and it is especially useful for introverts who value preparation time.

Checking in to discuss updates and share knowledge influences how you stay on course.

As we discussed in Chapter 3, it is important that conflicts are surfaced and discussed before they become irreconcilable. Playwright Noel Coward wrote about a couple who were “too much unhappy to fight.”3 That is not a desirable place.

If your manager or team lead isn’t necessarily sold on the idea of consistent check-ins, this can create challenges. If they reschedule for something of higher priority, be sure to follow up to get on their calendar, and don’t give up.

Consider the Big Picture

Prepare for conversations with your boss by bringing up questions about current projects, but don’t forget to ask about the big picture. Learn as much as you can about your manager’s priorities so that you can support them. Their success is your success.

Also consider what information you can bring to your manager. Your propensity for listening to team members is an asset here. “You can channel information about the organization’s unwritten rules from whatever rank you are,” says Wendy Hirschberg, Inclusive and Flexibility leader at Ernst & Young. “If the person is more senior, s/he will want to be in the know.”4

Be curious about the organization. Your thoughtful analysis and preparation demonstrate that you are serious about helping both of you succeed. Prepare to begin a fruitful conversation. Tailor the following questions to fit your situation:

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR BOSS

“How does our department support the company’s business vision and strategy?”

“What are our strengths and weaknesses as a department? As an organization?”

“What are your cost, revenue, and profitability goals?”

“How do the goals of other people who report to you or work with you relate to me?”

“How is your success measured? How will mine be measured over the next thirty, sixty, and ninety days?”

Know What Support You Need

Your boss is the key to your career progression. Before approaching your manager for promotional and lateral opportunities, know your strengths and weaknesses.

What is your next step? Maybe you want to learn new skills, or get exposed to another area of the organization. Perhaps you want to move to another career lane. Make it easy for others to mentor you by first thinking about your assets, preferences, and passions, and what direction you might pursue.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR BOSS ABOUT YOUR CAREER

“What are the strengths that I bring to this role?”

“What gaps are there in my background, skills, and experience?”

“On which projects can I learn new skills or perspectives?”

“Who are some leaders I can learn from?”

“Can you introduce me to mentors and sponsors?”

Observe Your Manager’s Style

Learn your manager’s style by observing them and asking others who know them.

As an introvert, you’re likely already a keen observer of human behavior. Plug into that strength and pick up clues that could help you connect with your boss. I once had a type A manager named Sue who was an off-the-charts extrovert. She was a speed demon. If I needed her input, the only way I could grab her attention was to literally race with her down the hall. I matched her pace and was able to connect.

Neela, a financial analyst who is an introvert, noticed her team lead often sketched out his ideas when they were talking. To get him to listen, she approached him with a new process idea and designed a four-square chart to lay it all out. He immediately tuned in to the discussion when he saw her visual.

Presence

During these meetings, you will inevitably learn a great deal about your boss, your team, and your organization. This will help you accomplish your job and keep your career moving forward. Here are suggestions to make the most of these conversations:

Be yourself.

Demonstrate results.

Act on feedback.

Seek out mentors and sponsors.

Be Yourself

As the relationship with your boss develops, keep in mind that bosses are not mind readers. Clue your manager in to your style and how to get the best out of you.

For example, you might want to share your preferences as an introvert, such as needing time to prepare for meetings, receiving work requests in an email, or needing a private area to concentrate. Discuss how similar or different this may be from your manager’s needs, and compromise where necessary.

Demonstrate Results

Another way to gain the respect and trust of your boss is by taking initiative.

Can you respond to a customer with a quick fix? Are you able to save costs by sourcing a new supplier? Is there a change you can offer to improve a process? Look for opportunities that are not necessarily part of your official job description but that add to the smooth functioning of the department.

When you meet with your manager, report on these actions. Update them in writing as well. You will be shaping positive perceptions. Another added benefit? It is likely that other leaders also will take notice, increasing your visibility.

Act on Feedback

When Ming, a software engineer, was told by her boss that she’d been abrupt with a key customer, she was taken aback. But she decided against reacting personally to the feedback. She asked her boss for specifics and learned that the customer needed rapport-building time before jumping into business talk.

The next time Ming spoke to the customer, she made a special effort to start the conversation with some informal chitchat, and the phone call went well.

Then, she took an important step that is a good example of managing up. Ming closed the loop with her manager by reporting back on the positive customer outcome.

She thanked her boss for her suggestions. By positively reinforcing her manager for the coaching, Ming demonstrated that the time and effort in offering feedback paid off. Ming also set up a framework to receive ongoing improvement feedback, something that will help advance her career.

Seek Out Mentors and Sponsors

As you meet with your manager, you will be able to gauge their interest and commitment to mentoring and sponsorship roles. Many managers see mentoring as their responsibility and take providing guidance and advice seriously. They might recommend training programs and collaborate with you in setting career growth goals.

Your boss may also view it as their job to act as your sponsor, a person who advocates for you and helps you become more visible. When promotional opportunities are being discussed, they may bring up your name and make a case for why you are qualified for new challenges. As an introvert, if you are hesitant to self-promote or don’t typically get the chance to interact with senior leaders, this is a big advantage.

Your manager may not be the right person to be a mentor or sponsor. You can ask them or others for ideas of who could play that role.

A health-care leader advised, “Build up friendship and trust by asking for advice, following through on their suggestions, and being respectful of their time.”

Push

It is not always easy to manage up, but it is necessary if you are to accomplish your goals. You are in a partnership that is not unlike a marriage, where open communication is necessary. You and your boss can achieve better results together than either of you could alone. Let’s look at push approaches that can help make this happen:

Be honest.

Give upward feedback.

Try the SAR method.

Know when to step back.

Be Honest

Sometimes managing up means having difficult conversations. Sasha learned she had breast cancer soon after becoming the manager of a finance department. She worked remotely and scheduled a Zoom call with her boss, Samuel, to discuss her treatment plans. She wanted to be open with him about why she needed time off. “I felt the need for a face-to-face conversation about the future. On email, he had given me reassurances about my position and said all was well. But I wanted to look into his eyes and hear his voice to determine how he really felt about an extended leave of absence. It relieved much of my stress to see him.”

Give Upward Feedback

As managers move up in an organization, they typically receive less feedback and can be forging ahead without realizing the impact their actions are having on others. Talking to your boss about what you are observing or experiencing can be tough. But we all have blind spots and need to hear that feedback.

Bill Treasurer, author and consultant, writes about the importance of protecting your boss from harm. “Bosses are people too,” Bill writes. “They’re capable of making dunderheaded mistakes. Get upfront agreement from your boss that part of your job is to tell them uncomfortable truths that they might not always want to hear. Then honor that agreement by telling your boss the things they may not want to hear but need to know.”5

Kelley, a Canadian sales trainer, said of getting a new manager who “had a completely different style” from her previous one: “In addition to expecting face time in the office (I had been used to working from home several days a week), my new manager began micromanaging me.”

Kelley eventually sat down with him and demonstrated how she could help him reach his goals—and achieve better results herself—if he let her continue operating the way she had been. “I committed to keeping him updated on the projects I was working on. I started with weekly emails summarizing my week and highlighting the upcoming week’s projects. Eventually, these emails became monthly updates as he began to trust me and my work.”

Try the SAR Method

It helps to have a framework to share your thoughts. Consider the SAR (situation, action, result) method. You start by asking, “May I give you some feedback?”

Select an appropriate place, and do it soon after the behavior or situation happens. Remember to keep your feedback specific and to focus on observable behaviors. Be sure to suggest an alternative.

See the following for the steps to take in the SAR (AR) approach (“AR” stands for “alternative action, alternative result”).

THE SAR (AR) APPROACH

S

Describe the situation.

A

Describe the action you took.

R

Describe the result or consequence that occurred because of that action.

AA

Provide an alternative action.

AR

Provide the alternative result that could be expected from that action.

Using SAR is putting forth a proposal on how to handle the problem. The goal is to open a dialogue focused on constructive change, not to assign blame.

SAR Example

Let’s say the boss is giving you last-minute work to do and it is a problem for you.

Situation Yesterday I received the weekly report from you to complete by the close of business.

Action I finished it on time. But with the tight deadline, I had no time to proof any work.

Result The report went out with a few errors that could slow down our process further down the line. It also makes our department look unprofessional.

Alternative Action I would like to get the weekly report at least a day earlier.

Alternative Result This would allow me to produce a high-quality, error-free document that our department can be proud of. Would that work for you?

Plan to implement the SAR method with a current feedback opportunity you face with your boss or another team member if that is more relevant right now.

Your Own SAR Example

Situation

Action

Result

Alternative Action

Alternative Result

Know When to Step Back

If you work with a manager who is not willing to support you by providing mentoring and sponsorship, or if your manager is not interested in giving and getting feedback, it is difficult to influence them positively. It might even jeopardize your job if you speak up. In this case, find the necessary support and coaching elsewhere.

Managing up will also not work when ethical violations have occurred. I have coached employees who have been asked to do everything from forging company documents to cheating on travel expenses. Your conversations in these cases come with risk for you. So, if you suspect your manager is violating company policy or the law, a visit to Human Resources or the Legal department is indicated.

Practice

As an introverted leader, you can make managing up a key part of your leadership portfolio. One of the main ways to do that is to stay on top of change.

Stay on Top of Change

Continue to engage in a mutual sharing of trends and industry developments with your manager. Take Serg, who, though new to his company, quickly achieved credibility with his boss. While doing work on global cross-functional project teams, he collected valuable customer data and innovations. He relayed these to his manager.

Because he shared access to the latest knowledge and industry networking contacts, Serg became someone people wanted on their teams. His boss appreciated how he took initiative and helped the entire department achieve visibility and presence.

There is wide latitude in deciding how to manage up. Your approach will vary according to your manager, as you each learn to adjust to the other’s style. Understanding their introverted or extroverted preference will help you do this. By meeting regularly, asking questions, providing feedback, and staying on top of change, you will ensure that your mutual goals and those of the organization are met.

In discussing the importance of having a strong manager, tech entrepreneur Chris Jones posed the question: “Will they support you, be respectful, and create an environment in which you can thrive?”6

By opening up the free flow of communication with your boss and applying the tools in this chapter, you will be on your way to doing just that.

A summary of specific steps to take when Managing Up: First, prepare includes meet regularly, big picture, know needed support, and observe style. Next, presence includes be you, show results, act on feedback, and mentors and sponsors. Then push includes be honest, upward feedback, SAR method, protect them, and step back. Finally, practice is stay on top of change.

FIGURE 8: The 4 Ps of Managing Up

CHAPTER 10 Results of Using the 4 Ps Process

This book has addressed many ways to apply the 4 Ps Process. Now it’s time to highlight key results you can expect from applying the 4 Ps. In particular, we’ll take a look at the following:

The wins for you

The wins for your organization

Overuse of the 4 Ps

The Wins for You

Prepare

Raj’s consulting firm had imposed a sales quota. Raj stared down at the “one-thousand-pound phone receiver.” He felt pressure to call Michelle, a former client, to touch base and uncover her current business needs.

As he prepared to press the numbers on his handset, Raj reviewed his prepared questions and visualized a successful call by closing his eyes for two minutes. He pictured a calm, focused exchange between them. As the phone rang, he took a deep breath and stood up. Michelle picked up. After ten minutes of give-and-take, he summarized the challenges she had described, and they set a time to meet the following week. Raj felt energized and optimistic about future business opportunities with Michelle and her company.

Presence

When you convey presence, as Raj did, you are perceived as a good listener and people will share valuable information with you. In her first thirty days in a new role, Laurie Nichols, an introverted CEO of a nonprofit, met with all her direct reports to understand their needs and challenges. It was demanding, she said, and it would have been easier not to have done it. “But the real value was that by the time I was finished, I had gained a level of trust that maybe an extrovert wouldn’t have.”

Push

Testing your limits helps you discover your capabilities and increases your confidence. It can open opportunities you never thought possible. That is the key payoff of push.

When author Heather Schulz was exploring management consulting as a career, she decided to push herself and contact “the absolute best person in the field.”1 She reached out to Tom Peters, author of the bestseller In Search of Excellence. Fast-forward to several years later, and Heather was running his company as CEO and president!

Practice

Practice is the one step that addresses all six challenges of being an introverted leader: people exhaustion, a fast pace, getting interrupted, pressure to self-promote, an emphasis on teams, and negative impressions. When you practice, you can figure out which behaviors work for your authentic self.

For instance, you decide to become visible by taking a specific role on a volunteer project. You don’t have to be the project lead, but you can contribute as a key player and gain credibility by creating a strong track record in that role.

As you practice, you become more comfortable with new behaviors. While it may never feel totally natural for you as an introvert, after a while it will become easier. Likewise, if you are an extrovert, you may realize that although it is not natural to stay silent, practicing being quiet has many benefits, and the more you do it, the easier it gets.

The Wins for Your Organization

You are not the only one who stands to win when you adopt the 4 Ps. Your organization also reaps benefits as you share your contributions with others. Let’s step back and look at how building on your quiet strengths creates specific wins for your organization.

Prepare

Introverted leaders who prepare for conversations and research their stakeholders’ needs build trust and commitment with employees, customers, and managers.

Rosanna attended several of our leadership training programs. I knew that company budgets were tight, so I asked how she had secured approval for so many of these classes. She told me that she had prepared a business case for each program, laying out detailed outcomes and explaining how investing in these courses would help her achieve departmental and individual goals.

In addition to the careful analysis, her preparation included observing the best times to approach her boss. She also offered to share her learning with the staff. Preparation was Rosanna’s key to securing results. She continues to be a valuable player, and has been promoted several times in the last few years because of that.

Presence

There is a strong business case for acting with presence. Authors Bev Kaye and Sharon Jordan-Evans emphasize that how bosses treat their employees is a key factor in employees’ decisions to stay with a company.2 Leaders with presence create a climate in which people are appreciated for their contributions. Companies that are populated with managers who have presence attract and retain employees.

Push

Companies benefit when all leaders—not just extroverts—are able to contribute ideas. In my research on quiet influencers, the leaders who create change, inspire others, provoke new ideas, and challenge the status quo make a difference not by changing into extroverts, but by relying on their quiet strengths. They push themselves to leverage what comes naturally—taking quiet time, preparation, engaged listening, having focused conversations, writing, and thoughtfully using social media.

I observed thirty introverted senior leaders take a class in storytelling. This was not a natural skill for most of the participants, and they clearly were pushing themselves.

They reported back that when they practiced storytelling, they got results. Senior management noticed them and colleagues were impressed. With continued practice, their storytelling skills will make future presentations to their teams and customers much more effective.

Practice

Introverted leaders who practice their strengths garner respect from others. Their leadership impacts the organizational culture in a positive way.

Doug Conant, mentioned earlier, makes it a practice to model authentic behavior and trust. He honestly and openly communicates with his teams about his own way of getting things done.

By practicing purpose-driven dialogues, he engages in problem-solving, selling ideas, and working through conflicts with his team. Doug’s style eliminates employees’ guesswork in getting to know him, and it keeps him accountable. He tells new hires: “If I behave consistently with my values, then I guess you can trust me. If I don’t, I guess you can’t. But at least you will know.”3

Look for the opportunities that allow you to push yourself. You could facilitate a meeting when the CEO is traveling. Talk to a customer when the account manager is not available. Or offer to do a lunchtime training session for the staff about a new app that has made your life easier.

Your organization will benefit by having a fluid array of employees who can step into new roles and challenges. When employees take initiative by consciously stepping up and practicing, your organization increases its bench strength and talent capacity.

Personal and organizational payoffs spring from using the 4 Ps Process to enhance your leadership skills. Beware, though, that in your efforts, you can also try too hard to change.

Overuse of the 4 Ps

Jungian psychology has a concept called the shadow self or dark side. This aspect of ourselves emerges when we are under stress. Trying too hard and pushing yourself too far out of your authentic self can produce negative results. Let’s look at how this overuse manifests with the 4 Ps.

Prepare

You can overprepare. You may remember being unsure of test material back in school. Didn’t you often find that the more you studied, the more confusing it became? It is the same with prepping for a meeting, conversation, or networking event. Preparation reaches a point of no return, and you can feel anxious and start to second-guess yourself when you overprepare.

Presence

It is also possible to go overboard on presence. When under pressure to connect, it is very common for introverts to act the role of being more sociable than they feel. This can work to a point, but you can put so much energy into pretending that it exhausts you or comes off as inauthentic.

Push

You can push yourself too hard. I taught a series of three-day leadership skills seminars for technically oriented managers. It was a jam-packed program with lots of skills practice, role-plays, and interaction. The introverted participants were stretching in many ways to learn new behaviors.

We had to take breaks and opportunities for quiet reflection. If I had kept pushing the class to engage in extroverted activities, they would have quickly morphed into a burnt-out group that was overwhelmed.

Practice

You can overpractice a strength. That can lead to you ignoring important tasks you need to accomplish as a leader. Dale, one of my clients, had encouraged her team to drop by her work area, but few people were acting on her suggestion. She decided to practice walking around (a suggestion in Chapter 6). Dale started to stop by her team’s work areas to chat.

She was getting to know her team and was feeling more comfortable with this skill, but before long, Dale was chatting more frequently than she intended. She had begun neglecting some important activities. Together, we worked out a plan with more realistic time frames for these spontaneous conversations, and she planned her schedule more thoughtfully.

With planning and conscious attention, you can build on your natural introverted leadership strengths to get results. These accomplishments will impact your own personal development and your organization’s performance. At the same time, be aware that you can succeed without pushing yourself so hard that you overuse your strengths, and they become weaknesses.

STUDY GUIDE The Introverted Leader The Steps Ahead—Continuing to Build on Your Quiet Strength

This book provides tools for many leadership situations you face as an introverted leader in an extroverted world. It is important that you customize a plan for your unique challenges.

Here is how it works:

List a key challenge you experience as an introvert. Consider how you can apply each P to help you confront that challenge. Refer to Table 4 to help prompt your thinking. Tables 5A and 5B are blank templates you can complete on your own. They are designed to help you track your progress using the 4 Ps as a road map.

An idea: If another format suits you better (such as taking notes and creating your own customized road map), please feel free to use that. The important thing is to plan, write it down, and record how it is working. That is how you will see progress. The process can be even more effective if you find a partner, which allows you to support each other and inserts accountability into your next steps.

May you have great success as you build on your quiet leadership strengths and bring out the best in yourself and others.

TABLE 4: Sample 4 Ps Action Plan

MY CHALLENGE: I feel pressure to self-promote, especially in starting conversations. I have an upcoming professional meeting where I need to do this.

ACTION

PROJECTED BENEFIT

RESULT

Prepare

Prepare three or four icebreaker questions.

I will feel more confident.

Presence

Make eye contact.

This will help me stay in the moment.

Push

Mention my latest project in a conversation.

I will be more comfortable talking about myself.

Practice

Try a new question, like: “What is keeping you busy?”

People will open up about their work and life.

TABLE 5A: Your Own 4 Ps Action Plan

MY CHALLENGE:

ACTION

PROJECTED BENEFIT

RESULT

Prepare

Presence

Push

Practice

TABLE 5B: Your Own 4 Ps Action Plan

MY CHALLENGE:

ACTION

PROJECTED BENEFIT

RESULT

Prepare

Presence

Push

Practice

QUIET WRAP-UP JOURNALTo Record Your Ideas and Put Them into Practice

As you have read, introverted leaders are disciplined in their growth and development.

You likely now have some thoughts to consider and some actions to take. Another excellent way to reinforce and apply the ideas in this book is to keep a Quiet Wrap-Up Journal. The writing process often brings clarity to your thinking and feelings. You can use this tool for both reflection and forward planning.

Purchase a spiral-bound notebook or a leather-bound journal; whatever suits you. Grab a pen. Write your first entry now, and keep your Quiet Wrap-Up Journal handy to record insights and ideas when you can. Keep it in a secure place.

Note: You can write on your computer or phone, but putting pen to paper can be more effective in allowing the thoughts to flow.

How about these prompt questions?

What aspects of being introverted do you identify with?

How do you now feel about owning your quiet strengths?

Do you feel true ownership of your quiet strengths yet? It’s fine to have uncertainties and doubts, but what are they and why do you think you still have them?

What quiet strengths do you leverage at work but could be enhanced even more?

How do you think your quiet strengths are perceived by others?

How comfortable would you be asking others about how your strengths help or hinder you?

What self-imposed barriers (e.g., negative self-talk) or external barriers (e.g., an extroverted culture at work) could challenge your growth as an introverted leader?

Do you have any ideas to address these barriers?

How can you use your learnings to coach others on your team?

Do any other thoughts or ideas come to mind?

NOTES

Preface

1 Susan Cain, “Advice from Arianna Huffington on Raising an Introverted Child,” Heleo.com, June 17, 2017, https://heleo.com/conversation-susan-cain-huffingtons-convo/9286/.

Introduction

1 Del Jones, “Not All Successful CEOs Are Extroverts,” USA Today, December 8, 2006.

2 “Extraversion or Introversion,” The Myers & Briggs Foundation, http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/
mbti-basics/extraversion-or-introversion.htm?bhcp=1.

3 Adam Grant, “Rethinking the Extraverted Sales Ideal: The Ambivert Advantage,” Psychological Science 24, no. 6 (2013): 1024–30.

4 “Shyness,” American Psychological Association, http://www.apa.org/topics/shyness/.

5 Heidi Kasevich, PhD, “Vibrant Conversations with Introverted Women Leaders #4,” September 12, 2021, https://youtu.be/Kyu-fV_CI0Q?si=vjvqEIEdCBr7CChI.

6 “State of the American Workplace,” Gallup Report, February 2017; “Estimated Frequencies of the Types in the United States Population,” CAPT, https://www.capt.org/mbti-assessment/estimated-frequencies.htm?bhcp=1.

Chapter 1

1 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, and Ed Frauenheim, “Opinion: Now Is the Time for Quiet Men,” Houston Chronicle, September 26, 2021, https://www.houstonchronicle.com/
opinion/outlook/article/
Opinion-Now-is-the-time-for-quiet-men-16487345.php.

2 Susan Chira, “The Universal Phenomenon of Men Interrupting Women,” New York Times, June 14, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/
06/14/business/women-sexism-work-
huffington-kamala-harris.html?
smprod=nytcore-ipad&smid=nytcore-
ipad-share&_r=0.

3 Kahnweiler and Frauenheim, “Opinion: Now Is the Time for Quiet Men.”

4 Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (Crown Publishers, 2012), 75–80.

Chapter 2

1 Jill Chang, Quiet Is a Superpower (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2020), 109–111.

Chapter 3

1 Adam M. Grant, Francisco Gino, and David Hofmann, “Reversing the Extraverted Leadership Advantage: The Role of Employee Productivity,” Academy of Management Journal 54, no. 3 (2011): 528–50.

2 Carmen Nobel, “Introverts: The Best Leaders for Proactive Employees,” Harvard Business School Working Knowledge, October 4, 2010, http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/introverts-the-
best-leaders-for-proactive-employees.

3 “Analyzing Effective Leaders: Why Extraverts Are Not Always the Most Successful Bosses,” Knowledge@Wharton, November 23, 2010, http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/
analyzing-effective-leaders-why-extraverts-are-
not-always-the-most-successful-bosses/.

4 Susan Adams, “Leadership Tip: Hire the Quiet Neurotic, Not the Impressive Extrovert,” Forbes, April 11, 2013, https://www.forbes.com/sites/
susanadams/2013/04/11/leadership-
tip-hire-the-quiet-neurotic-not-the-
impressive-extrovert/#34ad50d1788b.

5 Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (Bantam Books, 1995), 67.

6 Liz Clamen interviews Warren Buffett, CNBC, December 4, 2006.

7 Stewart L. Stokes, “Managing the Toughest Transition: Part One,” Information Systems Management 20, no. 2 (2003): 8–13.

8 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, and Bill Kahnweiler, Shaping Your HR Role (Elsevier, 2005), 59–62.

9 From the “Now Is the Time for Quiet Men” series, with Dr. Jonathon Holloway, https://youtu.be/xrRFdU1CkwM?si=drU2G0UnCRqucwhP.

10 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, “How CEOs Can Use Quiet Influence to Get Results,” Chief Executive, October 27, 2013, http://chiefexecutive.net/how-ceos-can-use-quiet-influence-to-get-results/.

11 C. J. Dorgeloh, interview with author, 2009.

12 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces (Berrett-Koehler, 2020), 18–19.

13 Kahnweiler, “How CEOs Can Use Quiet Influence to Get Results.”

14 Melinda Gates, The Moment of Lift (Flatiron Books, 2019), 227, 229.

15 Ryan Jenkins and Steven Van Cohen, Connectable: How Leaders Can Move Teams from Isolated to All In (McGraw-Hill, 2022).

16 Podcast conversation on Introvert Ally, Season 1, March 29, 2023.

17 Adam Bryant, “How to Hire the Right Person,” New York Times, February 13, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/guides/business/
how-to-hire-the-right-person.

18 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference, cover (Berrett-Koehler, 2013).

19 “Rosa Parks and the Montgomery Bus Boycott,” U.S. History, http://www.ushistory.org/us/54b.asp.

20 Michael Patrick Welch, “An Interview with John Oates, Who Deserves Your Respect,” Vice, October 21, 2013, https://www.vice.com/en/article/john-oates-new-orleans-interview/.

21 “How Melinda Gates Is Diversifying Tech,” Fast Company, January 9, 2017, https://www.fastcompany.com/
3066355/how-melinda-gates-is-diversifying-tech.

22 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, The Genius of Opposites (Berrett-Koehler, 2016), 51–65.

23 Nancy F. Koehn, “Lincoln’s School of Management,” New York Times, January 26, 2013, http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/27/
business/abraham-lincoln-as-management-guru.html.

24 Michael Weening, “10 Leadership Lessons from Xerox,” Blog post, December 6, 2010, https://michaelweening.com/2010/12/
06/10-leadership-lessons-from-xerox/.

25 Interview with Melanie Huet at an OnBoard program held at UPS on August 28, 2024.

Chapter 4

1 Krysten Crawford, “Study Finds Hybrid Work Benefits Companies and Employees,” Stanford Report, June 12, 2024, https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2024/06/
hybrid-work-is-a-win-win-win-for-companies-workers.

2 Vignesh Ramachandran, “Stanford Researchers Identify Four Causes for ‘Zoom Fatigue’ and Their Simple Fixes,” Stanford Report, February 23, 2021, https://news.stanford.edu/stories/
2021/02/four-causes-zoom-fatigue-solutions.

3 Stanford Report, “Zoom Fatigue Worse for Women, Stanford Study Finds,” April 13, 2021, https://news.stanford.edu/stories/2021/04/zoom-fatigue-worse-women.

4 Nicholas Bloom, “Go Ahead, Tell Your Boss You Are Working from Home,” TEDx Talk, May 22, 2017, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiUyyZPIHyY.

5 Kevin Eikenberry and Wayne Turmel, The Long-Distance Leader: Rules for Remarkable Remote Leadership (Berrett-Koehler, 2018), 47.

6 Aga Bajer, “Episode 14: Shaping Culture with Ed Schein,” Culture-Lab podcast, https://www.agabajer.com/culture-lab-
podcast/shaping-culture-with-ed-schein/.

7 “Starting and Running a Successful Company Book Club,” interview with Josh Crafford, January 11, 2021, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq4EQ6VH-nY&t=2s.

8 Ryan Jenkins, “Meet Rivet, the Workplace Solution for Better Team Connection,” Blog post, n.d., https://blog.ryan-jenkins.com/
the-safety-net-needed-to-stop-employees-
from-descending-into-isolation-1-0.

9 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces (Berrett-Koehler, 2020), 127–28.

10 “Episode 64 – Virtual Teams: Are You in a Long Distance Relationship?,” Manage This, August 31, 2018, https://www.velociteach.com/
manage-this-podcast/episode-64-virtual-
teams-long-distance-relationship/.

11 McKinsey Global Institute, “How Hybrid Work Has Changed the Way People Work, Live, and Shop,” Report, July 13, 2023, https://www.mckinsey.com/mgi/our-research/
empty-spaces-and-hybrid-places-chapter-1.

12 Nicholas Bloom, “Does Working from Home Have a Future?,” Institute for Fiscal Studies, May 19, 2023,\https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0eQrP9YSe0.

13 Nicholas Bloom, Ruobing Han, and James Liang, “How Hybrid Working from Home Works Out,” NBER Working Paper series, January 2023, https://www.nber.org/system/files/
working_papers/w30292/w30292.pdf.

14 Janette Muñoz presentation at Culture Summit, San Francisco, October 6, 2024.

15 Shana Lebowitz et al., “The List of Major Companies Requiring Employees to Return to the Office, from The Washington Post to Amazon,” BusinessInsider.com, December 18, 2024, https://www.businessinsider.com/
companies-requiring-return-to-office-rto-mandate?.

16 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference (Berrett-Koehler, 2013), 41.

17 Rebekah Carter, “What Are Office Focus Spaces, and Why Are They Essential?,” UC Today, https://www.uctoday.com/
collaboration/what-are-office-focus-spaces-and-why-are-they-essential/.

18 Carter, “What Are Office Focus Spaces?”

19 AT&T Business, “Expanding Your Company’s Footprint? Here’s How to Keep Employees Connected for Maximum Productivity,” Quartz, July 2, 2019, https://qz.com/1627893/
expanding-your-companys-footprint-heres-how-to-keep-employees-
connected-for-maximum-productivity.

20 Office of Sustainability and UF Thompson Earth Systems Institute, “Action of the Month: Green Your Office,” University of Florida, September 2021, https://sustainable.ufl.edu/2021/09/29/
action-of-the-month-green-your-office/.

21 Billy Alcantara, “If It Is to Be, It Is Up to Me,” Enliven, August 28, 2023, https://www.enliventhemind.com/
motivational-quote-guides/
william-h-johnsen-quote-if-it-is-to-be-it-is-up-to-me/.

22 Candace Doby, A Cool Girl’s Guide to Courage: Fierce Quotes and Journal Prompts for Facing Your Fears and Finding Your Confidence (Sourcebooks Fire, 2022).

23 Instagram story, September 26, 2024.

24 Britt Andreatta, PhD, “A Culture of Belonging Starts with Psychological Safety,” Chief Learning Officer, February 25, 2022, https://www.chieflearningofficer.com/
2022/02/25/a-culture-of-belonging-starts-
with-psychological-safety/.

Chapter 5

1 Buffett and Gates Go Back to School, PBS Home Video Net Foundation for Television, 2006.

2 Susan Cain, “An Introvert Steps Out,” New York Times, April 27, 2012, http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/29/
books/review/how-the-author-of-
quiet-delivered-a-rousing-speech.html.

3 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces (Berrett-Koehler, 2020), 106–107.

4 Results from ChatGPT, https://chatgpt.com/.

5 Eleni Kelakos, “Achieving Peak Performance,” Speaker, October 2016, 20–21.

6 Marilynn Mobley, interview by author, January 10, 2007.

7 Patricia Fripp, “Powerful Presenters Know the Importance of the Pause – Do You?,” June 30, 2022, http://www.fripp.com/the-importance-of-the-pause/.

8 David Hochman, “Amy Cuddy Takes a Stand,” New York Times, September 19, 2014, https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/21/
fashion/amy-cuddy-takes-a-stand-TED-talk.html?_r=0.

9 Toastmasters International, https://www.toastmasters.org/.

10 Erin Quinlan, “Master of His Domain: 25 Years after ‘Seinfeld,’ Jerry Is Full of Wisdom,” Today, July 5, 2014, http://www.today.com/popculture/
seinfeld-turns-25-read-jerrys-best-real-
life-lines-1D79884423.

11 Adam Grant, Hidden Potential (Viking, 2023), 79.

Chapter 6

1 Dick Axelrod and Emily Axelrod, Let’s Stop Meeting Like This (Berrett-Koehler, 2014), 13, 110–11.

2 Chauncey Wilson, “Using Brainwriting for Rapid Idea Generation,” Smashing Magazine, December 16, 2013, https://www.smashingmagazine.com/2013/
12/using-brainwriting-for-rapid-idea-generation/.

Chapter 7

1 Ivan Misner, Introvert Ally podcast guest, September 6, 2023.

2 Andy Lopata, Podcast: “Networking for Introverts,” The Global Networking Show, July 22, 2015, http://www.lopata.co.uk/resources/podcasts.

3 Jay Conger and N. Anand, “Capabilities of the Consummate Networker,” Organizational Dynamics 36, no. 1 (2007): 13–27.

4 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference (Berrett-Koehler, 2013), 129–46.

5 Marcia Newbert and Hilary Teeter, “Why CEOs Need Social Media,” Edelman Digital, December 1, 2016, http://www.edelman.com/post/
ceo-social-media-engage-employees/.

6 Kahnweiler, Quiet Influence, 132–36.

7 Kahnweiler, Quiet Influence, 89–108.

8 Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine N. Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone, and Renee J. Bator, “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 23, no. 4 (1997): 363–77.

9 Kendra Cherry, “36 Questions That Create Closeness and Love,” Explore Psychology, September 28, 2023, https://www.explorepsychology.com/
36-questions-that-create-closeness/.

10 Ivan Misner, Introvert Ally podcast guest, September 6, 2023, https://jenniferkahnweiler.com/podcasts/.

Chapter 8

1 A Mastermind group is a small group of people who meet regularly to help each other achieve their goals by sharing ideas, providing support, and holding each other accountable.

2 Ashlea Halpern, “How This Introvert Founder Became a Billion-Dollar Leader,” Entrepreneur, March 3, 2017, https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/289142.

3 Liz Wainger, “5 Leadership Communications Lessons from Nelson Mandela,” Blog post, December 10, 2013, https://waingergroup.com/lessons-from-nelson-mandela/.

4 James C. McCroskey, Introduction to Rhetorical Communication (Routledge, 2015).

5 Judee K. Burgoon and Randall J. Koper, “Non-verbal and Relational Communication Associated with Reticence,” Human Communication Research 10, no. 4 (1984): 601–26.

6 Dirk W. Eilert, Mimikresonanz. Gefühle sehen. Menschen verstehen (Kindermann Verlag, Paderborn, 2013).

7 Curb Your Enthusiasm, directed by Robert B. Weide, HBO, November 25, 2001.

8 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, “Are You Using Your Full Voice? Support the Meaning and Message You Want to Convey,” Blog post, September 21, 2011, http://jenniferkahnweiler.com/
are-you-using-your-full-voice-support-
the-meaning-and-message-you-want-to-convey/.

9 Sam Horn, “What Is the Eyebrow Test?,” Blog post, 2015, http://samhorn.com/new_samhorn/what-is-the-eyebrow-test/.

Chapter 9

1 “Managing Upwards,” Sydney Morning Herald, August 29, 2011, https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/
managing-upwards-20110806-1ih20.html.

2 Beverly Kaye and Julie Winkle Giulioni, Help Them Grow or Watch Them Go (Berrett-Koehler, 2024), 286.

3 Noel Coward, Private Lives: An Intimate Comedy in Three Acts, (William Hienemann LTD, 1930), 38–62.

4 Wendy Hirschberg, “Planning a Path to Career Success: Your Choice, Your Opportunity, Your Way,” AMA Women’s Leadership Program, June 2017.

5 Bill Treasurer, “How to Manage Your Boss,” Blog post, May 19, 2017, http://giantleapconsulting.com/
leadership-development/how-to-manage-your-boss/.

6 From the “Now Is the Time for Quiet Men” series, with Chris Jones, https://youtu.be/E9yBfXqiBxs?si=Uph5g1Varc5X7abm.

Chapter 10

1 Chip Bell and Heather Schultz, Dance Lessons: Six Steps to Great Partnerships in Business and Life (Berrett-Koehler, 1998).

2 Beverly Kaye and Sharon Jordan-Evans, Love ’Em or Lose ’Em: Getting Good People to Stay, 4th ed. (Berrett-Koehler, 2008).

3 Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, “How CEOs Can Use Quiet Influence to Get Results,” Chief Executive, October 27, 2013, http://chiefexecutive.net/
how-ceos-can-use-quiet-influence-to-get-results/.

INDEX

Numbers

4 Ps Process

application of, 19–21

case examples of, 21–23, 51–52

for communication/coaching, 127–146

customized plans via, 169–171

for introverted leadership, 28–53

leadership strategies in, 17

for meetings, 95–110

for networking, 111–125

overuse of, 166–167

overview of, xiv, 18–19, 53

for presentations, 78–93

for relating to your boss, 147–160

in remote/hybrid workplaces, 62–76

results from using, 161–168

84.51° company, 64

100 Most Powerful Women in Business list, 43

A

Aarons-Mele, Morra, 70

accomplishments, announcing, 13, 71

accountability, partnership and, 169

A Cool Girl’s Guide to Courage (Doby), 73

active listening, 116–117, 131

active participation in meetings, 97–98

advocacy, 75

agendas for meetings, 67–68, 97

aggressiveness, 44

AI support

for hiring, 35

to invent catchphrases, 81

for remote team-building, 63

Alderman, John, 89, 90

algorithmic bias, 35

ambiversion, 3

assertiveness, 43–47

audience

knowing your, 79–80

real-time connection with, 87

authenticity, 152

Axelrod, Dick and Emily, 96

B

back-to-back meetings, 98

Baldwin, Diane, 57

Barra, Mary, 2, 43, 44

behavior

assertive, 43–47

feedback on, 156–157

labels vs., 3–4

passive-aggressive, 44

during presentations, 88–89

self-disclosure about, 30

talent management and, 32

and temperament, 32

belonging, sense of, 75

bias

extrovert bias, 34

high-energy bias, xi, 5, 10, 12

against introverts, xi, 5

of verbal over written, 13

blind spots, 30–31

Bloom, Nicholas, 58, 65

body language

apprehensive, 139

eyebrow test, 145

eye contact, 87, 99

facial expressions, 138–140

during presentations, 88–89

reviewing your, 145

boss, managing your, 147–160

boundaries, 45–46

brainwriting, 101–102

breakout rooms, 67–68, 80

breaks, taking

between appointments, 131

during meetings, 104–105

during networking, 122

scheduling and, 34

vs. Zoom fatigue, 59–60

breath and relaxation, 85

Buffett, Warren, 2, 28, 77

Buolamwini, Joy, 35

buy-in, achieving, 128–130, 135

C

Cain, Susan, x, 14, 44

calmness, ix, 27, 80, 86, 143

career advancement, 71–72

Carnegie, Dale, 116

challenges

customized plans for, 169–171

of delegation, 47

for introverts, 5, 10–15

practice to ameliorate, 163

of remote work, 59–61

Chang, Jill, 22–23, 121

chats, 67, 80, 98, 102, 106

coaching

to achieve buy-in, 128–130

in assertiveness, 46–47

meetings as learning labs, 108

of others, 20, 46–47

preparation for, 132–134

in public speaking, 77

in remote work environments, 63

responding to feedback, 152–153

training/mentoring and, 28–29

by your support system, 52

collaboration

and asking for help, 114–115

conflict within, 48

as extrovert weakness, 26–27

idea-sharing, 26–27

in office spaces, 68, 70

one-on-one meetings, 30

overemphasis on teams, 14

self-disclosure, 30

solitude and, 6

See also teams

comfort zone, pushing beyond. See pushing yourself

comments, numbering your, 131

communal solitude, 68

communication

about expectations, 134–135

assertive, 43–47

of compliments/praise, 42–43

introvert/extrovert tips, 141–142

methods of, 136–138

of opposing views, 49–50

preparation for, 128–134

presence during, 134–140

and remote work, 56, 57, 62–63, 66, 74

self-disclosure, 30

spontaneous, 39–40

walk and talks, 49

with your boss, 147–160

See also conversations

commuting, 58

competency models, 32

compliments, 42–43, 72

Conant, Doug, 30, 71, 165

confidence, 18, 49, 77–78, 88, 104, 116, 162

conflict

asking for help with, 114

managing, 48–50

during meetings, 108

storytelling about, 82

Connectable (Jenkins), 41, 63

connection. See relationship building

conversations

active listening in, 116–117

body language in, 138–140

gracefully ending, 120

honesty with difficult, 154–155

informal, 112, 127

intentional connections, 70–71

introvert/extrovert tips, 141–142

jump-starting, 115, 130

people exhaustion, 10, 11, 140

preparation for, 128–134

spontaneous, 39–40, 70, 119, 140

substance talk in, 117–118

written conversational aids, 37–38

with your boss, 148–150

See also communication

Cook, Tim, 2, 78

courage, 72

Crafford, Josh, 63

creativity

and conflict, 48

isolation vs., 61

vs. New Groupthink, 14

in office setup, 69–71

for presentations, 90–91

credibility, cultivating, 158–159

Cuddy, Amy, 88

cultural considerations

and feedback, 42

for meetings, 100

curiosity, 128–129, 145

D

dark side/shadow self, 166

Davidson, Laura, 72

decision-making, 42, 104, 132

delegation, 47–48

Dembling, Sophia, x, 4

desk design, 68–69

disclosure, 30

diversity

and AI hiring tools, 35

and belonging, 75

increased productivity via, 6

introversion as factor in, 32–33

Doby, Candace, 73

Dorgeloh, C. J., 31

Drucker, Peter, 147

E

Edmonson, Amy, 75

Eikenberry, Kevin, 61

Eilert, Dirk W., 139

email, 136

emotion, expressing, 14–15, 139

Emotional Intelligence, 27

empathy, 27, 75

Employee Resource Groups (ERGs), 64

energy

grounded, 143

high-energy bias, xi, 5, 10

people exhaustion, 10, 11, 140

personal generation of, 1, 2

taking breaks for, 34

used in collaboration, 14

engagement

via chat function, 67, 80, 98, 102, 106

engaged listening, 40

how to show, 104

increasing introvert, 6, 102–103

presence and, 18

English, Paul, 138

exhaustion, social, 10, 11, 140

expectations, communicating, 134–135

expertise, 79, 114

extroverts

communicating with, 141–142

compliments/praise for, 43

conflict with introverts, 48–49

as culturally dominant, ix, xi, 1, 5, 34

introvert side of, 6

leadership weaknesses of, 26

leading teams with, 40–41

during meetings, 106–107

self-promotion by, 13

social energizing for, 11

traits of, 3

workplace culture of, ix

eyebrow test, 145

eye contact, 87, 99

F

face-to-face meetings

importance of, 30–31, 70–71

for introverts/extroverts, 41

for remote/hybrid workplaces, 64, 66

when/how to have, 137–140, 154–155

facial expressions, 14–15, 138–140

facilitation, 79

Fast Friends Procedure, 120

fast pace, 10, 12

feedback

acting on, 152–153

cultural differences and, 42

given to bosses, 155

SAR (AR) method for, 156–157

written, 37–38

flexibility

in communication style, 141–142

in office spaces, 69

presence and, 36

focus desks, 68–69

following up with contacts, 123–124

Fonda, Jane, 2

Fortune, 43

Frauenheim, Ed, 12

friendliness, 28, 33

Fripp, Patricia, 88

G

Gates, Melinda, 46

genius opposites, 6, 44–45, 49

The Genius of Opposites, 44

Ginsberg, Ruth Bader, 2, 78

Glassdoor, 115

Glaviski, Steve, 39

goals, 132–134

Goleman, Daniel, 27

greenery in office spaces, 70

Griessman, Dr. Gene, 50, 131

The Achievement Factor (Griessman), 50

grounded energy, 143

ground rules for meetings, 99–101, 108

GROW model, 132–134

H

help, asking for, 114–115

high-energy bias, 5, 10

hiring interviews, xi, 32, 33–35

Hirschberg, Wendy, 149

Holloway, Dr. Jonathon, 29–30, 49, 122

honesty, 154–155

Horn, Sam, 145

hosting events, 122

Huet, Melanie, 52

human resources, 31–33

humility, 13

humor, 28

hybrid work

challenges of, 59–61

pace of, 12

pros of, 56–59

I

icebreakers, 121

idea generation, 101–102

idea-sharing, 61

informal meetings

building rapport in, 127

networking in, 111–112

information processing, 36

initiative, taking, 152

input, soliciting, 135

In Search of Excellence (Peters), 162

interest, piquing, 118–119

interest, showing, 25–26, 116–117

interruptions, 10, 12–13

Introvert Ally podcast, x, 4, 75

introverted leaders

4 Ps Process to support, 17–23

benefits of, 1–2, 5–7

and idea sharing, 26–27

journal prompts for, 172–173

preparation for, 28–36

presence for, 36–43

quiet presence of, 25–26

introverts/introversion

challenges for, 5, 10–15

communicating with, 141–142

compliments/praise for, 43

conflict with extroverts, 48–49

eliciting opinions from, 74–75

facial expressions of, 138–139

famous historic, 2

increasing participation by, 102–103

introvert-friendly hiring strategies, 33–35

leading teams with, 40–41

networking by, 112

people exhaustion for, 10, 11, 140

public speaking by, 78

remote work for, 57–59

shyness vs., 4

social media as benefit to, 115–116

statistics on, 6

strengths of, x, 4–7, 46–47, 81, 172–173

traits of, 1, 2–3

invisible, feeling, 95

isolation, 55–56, 60–61, 66

ITOPiA, 64

J

Jenkins, Ryan, 41, 63

Jones, Chris, 30, 159

Jordan-Evans, Sharon, 164

journal prompts, 172–173

K

Kasevich, Heidi, 86

Kaye, Bev, 164

Kelakos, Eleni, 81

King Jr., Dr. Martin Luther, 2

knowing your audience, 79–80

knowing yourself, 29–30

L

leadership

benefits of introverts in, 5–7

delegation in, 47–48

expanding model of successful, 1, 5

grounded energy of, 143

introvert traits in, ix, 1–2

vs. loudership, 10

managing bosses, 147–160

from natural strengths, 51–52

preparation for, 28–29

public speaking skills and, 78

social media networking by, 115

as talent management, 42

traditional view of, 10

traits of good bosses, 27–28

See also introverted leaders

legal violations, 157

Let’s Stop Meeting Like This (Axelrod and Axelrod), 96

lighting, office, 70

Lincoln, Abraham, 2, 49

LinkedIn, xiii, 72, 116, 121, 138

listening

actively, 116–117, 131

benefits of, xiii

as introvert strength, ix, 28

as leadership trait, 27

and presence, 36

to your presentations, 145

loneliness of remote work, 55–56, 60–61

Lopata, Andy, 112

loudership, 10, 12

M

managing bosses, 147–160

Mandela, Nelson, 2, 138

MBWA (Management By Walking Around), 37

McAfee, Barbara, 143

meetings

4 Ps Process for, 95–110

agendas for, 67–68, 97

breaks in, 36

face-to-face, 30–31, 41, 64

feeling invisible in, 95

interruptions in, 12–13

introvert-friendly locations for, 122

observation during, 108

one-on-one, 30

planned, 66–67

practicing for, 107–109

preparation for, 96–99

presence in, 99–105

pushing yourself in, 105–107

regular, with your boss, 148–149

writing in, xi

Zoom fatigue, 59–60

men

and AI hiring tools, 35

bias against quiet, 12

mentoring, 28–29, 52, 153

Mercer, Marty, 91

microagressions, 55

micro expressions, 139

Misner, Ivan, 112, 121

Mobley, Marilynn, 87

Mother Theresa, 2

Mulcahy, Anne, 49

N

names, learning/teaching, 121

natural office decor, 70

negative impressions, 10, 14–15

negative thoughts, reprogramming, 84–85

networking

discomfort with, 13

fear of, 112

following up on, 123–124

informal, pre-meeting, 111–112

one-on-one, 22–23

practicing, 123–124

preparation for, 113–116

presence during, 116–119

pushing yourself during, 119–122

as relationship building, 112

remotely, 56

via social media, 115–116

New Groupthink, 14

Nichols, Laurie, 162

O

O’Brien, Eamon, 82

observation, 36, 42, 108, 149, 151

office spaces, 68–71, 74–75

one-on-one meetings

networking via, 22–23

in remote work environments, 56, 63

with team members, 30

with your boss, 148–149

opposing views, 50

Otte, Paul, 144

overthinking, 61

P

pace

fast pace, 10, 12

scheduling, 12

timing of hiring interviews, 33–34

paraphrasing, 34, 116

Parks, Rosa, 44

partnership and accountability, 169

passive-aggressiveness, 45

patience, 27

pauses

allowing for breaks, 35–36

paraphrasing to create, 34

power of, 13

in presentations, 87–88

people exhaustion, 10, 11, 140

perception gap, 14–15

performance management, 65–68

Peters, Tom, 162

phone calls, 137

Piersanti, Steve, 97

point, making your, 81, 88

PowerPoint tools, 83–84

power poses, 88, 99

practice

and the 4 Ps, xiv, 18–19

application of, 19, 21

communication/coaching, 144–145

improvement via, 91–92

in meetings, 107–109

with natural strengths, 51–52

of networking, 123–124

overpracticing, 167

positive results from, 163, 165–166

for presentations, 91–93

relating to your boss, 158–159

in remote/hybrid workplaces, 73–76

support system for, 52

praise, 42–43, 72

preparation

and the 4 Ps, xiv, 18

application of, 19, 20

case examples of, 21

to give presentations, 78–86

as introvert strength, 81

leadership trait of, ix, 28–36

for meetings, 96–99

for networking, 113–116

overpreparation, 166

for planned meetings, 66–67

positive results from, 161–162, 163–164

for relating to your boss, 148–151

in remote/hybrid workplaces, 62–65, 76

presence

and the 4 Ps, xiv, 18

application of, 19, 20

case examples of, 21–22, 25

for communication/coaching, 134–140

and idea sharing, 27

leadership trait of, 36–43

via listening, 38

in meetings, 99–105

during networking, 116–119

overdone/inauthentic, 166–167

positive results from, 162, 164

in presentations, 86–89

in relating to your boss, 151–154

in remote/hybrid workplaces, 65–71, 76

presentations

content of, 80–84

increasing effect of, 142

practicing for, 91–93

preparation for, 78–86

presence during, 86–89

pushing yourself during, 89–91

problem-solving, 5, 114–115

production schedules, 81

productivity, increasing

via allowing for breaks, 35–36

challenges of remote work to, 61, 65

for coaching sessions, 132–134

conflict for, 49–50

in informal settings, 127

introvert traits and, 6

and office spaces, 68–71

via work agreements, 62–65

promoting yourself, 10, 13–14

psychological safety, 75

public speaking. See presentations

purpose

of meetings, 96

in networking, 113

pushing yourself

and the 4 Ps, xiv, 18

application of, 19, 20

in communication/coaching, 140–144

leadership via, 43–50

in meetings, 105–107

during networking, 119–122

overdone/inauthentic, 166–167

positive results from, 162, 164–165

in presentations, 78, 89–91

in relating to your boss, 154–158

in remote/hybrid workplaces, 71–73, 76

to verbalize, 30

Q

questions, preparing

to build rapport, 41

for communication/coaching, 132

networking via, 115–116

in remote/hybrid workplaces, 56, 72

for your boss, 149, 150

Quiet (Cain), 14, 78

Quiet Influence (Cain), 44, 116

Quiet Is a Superpower, 22

quiet reflection

journal prompts for, 172–173

and listening, 38

during meetings, 104

need for, 2, 3

office spaces for, 69

pre-meeting time for, 98

quiet men, 12

Quinn, Bob, 37

R

relationship building

via being yourself, 152

via Fast Friends Procedure, 120

via icebreakers, 121

to initiate meetings, 98

intentional connections, 70–71

listening for, 38–39

in networking, 112, 113, 114

with presentation audience, 87

questions for, 41, 56, 72, 115, 132

remotely, 55–56, 62–65, 68

via showing interest, 25–26

via spontaneous conversations, 39–40

via storytelling, 82

via substance talk, 117–118

with supervisors, 147–160

and sustaining, 123

relaxation and breath, 85

remote work

challenges of, 59–61

for introverts, 57–59

pace of, 12

performance management for, 65–68

pros of, 56–59

staying connected in, 55–56

results, demonstrating, 152

Rivet, 63

Roosevelt, Eleanor, 2

rules for meetings, 99–101, 108

S

safety, psychological, 75

SAR (AR) method, 156–157

scheduling

back-to-back meetings, 34, 60, 98

breaks between appointments, 131

breaks during meetings, 104–105

fast paced, 12

of one-on-one check-ins, 66, 67

Schein, Edgar, 62

Schmitt, Susam, 31

Schulz, Heather, 162

Seinfeld, Jerry, 91

self-acceptance, 4

self-awareness, 29–30

self-disclosure, 30, 31

self-knowledge, 4, 29–30

self-promotion, 10, 13–14

shadow self/dark side, 166

shared desks, 68–69

sharing ideas

among extroverts vs. introverts, 26–27

interruptions amidst, 12–13

isolation vs., 61

shyness, 4, 30

Slack, 106

slowing down, xiii

SMEs (subject matter experts), 107–108

social media strategies, 115–116, 123

social situations

anxiety around, 4

extrovert energization via, 41, 43, 49

office spaces and, 68

online, 115

people exhaustion, 10, 11, 140

solitude

communal, 68

and increased productivity, 6

introvert need for, xiii, 41

speaking up for yourself

during meetings, 103, 109

pushing yourself via, 43–47

sponsors, seeking out, 153

spontaneity

vs. allowing for breaks, 35–36

and presence, 36

in remote/hybrid workplaces, 67

spontaneous conversations, 39–40, 119

Stainton, Bill, 82

stakeholder analysis, 129–130, 135

standing desks, 68–69

standing during meetings, 103–104

Stewart, Coke, 81

Stokes, Stewart, 28

Stoner, Jesse Lyn, 113

stories, power of, 82–83, 142

straw-man plans, 50

stress, 166

structuring meetings, 99–101

substance talk, 117–118

Suitability Model, 32

support system, 52

T

talent management, 31–33, 42, 150

talking points, preparing, 130–131

teams

announcing accomplishments within, 72

conflict management, 48–50

contributions of introverts to, 27

delegation to, 47–48

diversity in, 6

leading cross-functional, 26–27, 40–41

overemphasis on, 10, 14

remote/hybrid team-building, 62–65, 74

soliciting input from, 135

strengths within, 41, 46–47

temperament management for, 31–33

written feedback for, 37–38

technology use

hiding in your phone, 119

during meetings, 105–106

for presentations, 83–84, 89

text messaging, 137

The Introverted Leader, 1st edition, ix–x

The Introverted Leader, 3rd edition, xii, xiii–xv

training, 28–29

Treasurer, Bill, 155

trust, building, 25–26, 52

Turmel, Wayne, 61, 64

U

underrepresented people, 75

V

verbal/spoken bias, 13

videoconferences, 59–60, 66, 139

virtual overload, 59–60

visual aids, 151

visualization, 85–86, 109

voice

amplifying your, 103–104

finding your, ix

and reading of emotion, 139

showing power via, 144–145

volunteering, 122

Vondeling, Johanna, 39

vulnerability, 114, 120

W

Wadors, Pat, 104

Wilke, Iain, 39, 145

Wilkins, Ronnie, 52

Winfrey, Oprah, 2, 78, 89

women

and algorithmic bias, 35

assertiveness for, 46

facial expressions of, 15

interruptions of, 12

work agreements, 65–66

workplace culture

agents for change in, 75

engagement in, 6

extrovert-dominant, 5, 9

handling mergers of, 37

inclusivity in, xi, 6

informal networking in, 111–112

introverts in, ix

office spaces and, 68–71

remote/hybrid workplaces, 62–65

of self-disclosure, 30

writing

brainwriting, 101–102

via chat function, 67, 80, 98, 102, 106

customized plans via, 169

expressing ideas via, xiii

in meetings, xi

and presence, 36

of presentations, 80–81

via social media, 115–116

verbal bias and, 13

written conversational aids, 37–38

Y

yourself, being, 152

Z

Zoom fatigue, 57, 59–60

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you to my family. My mom, Lucille Boretz, at 104 years of age, my “Grey Gardens” companion who connects with everyone she meets and who has cheered me on for more years than either of us could have imagined. My late dad, Alvin Boretz, who taught me to be infinitely curious, persistent, and funny, and who squeezed everything he could out of life. Through his body of work, he modeled how writing can change lives. My husband, Bill Kahnweiler, who has grounded me since we met in the Washington University dorm in 1969 and who still makes me laugh like no one else—thank you for loving me and being my “genius opposite.”

Witnessing my daughters grow into my friends has been an unexpected pleasure of parenthood. My daughter Lindsey Goldberg is a gentle mom, spouse, and compassionate health-care professional who continually challenges herself. She picked a generous mate in Adam Goldberg, dad and photographer, whom I am so proud of and who cheers me on at every opportunity.

My daughter Jessie Kahnweiler is a fearless, funny, risk-taking role model and expressive mom who understands the angst and joy of creation at a visceral level. Her fiancé, Rufus Paisley, is a kind and loving multitalented artist and dad who has blended in beautifully with our loud, expressive family.

My granddaughters Ava, Millie, and Solly bring me endless joy as they each carry the torch of our family’s history of strong, independent women.

Other family members are with me as I reflect on their love and encouragement. Thank you to my sister, photojournalist Carrie Boretz, who continues “to make a difference.” Deep gratitude goes to my late in-laws, Ruth Kahnweiler and Lou Kahnweiler, who warmly embraced my NY self and fiercely loved our daughters; and my late, feisty great-aunt Arline Garson who always showed up for our family.

Also, a very special thanks to Tricia Molloy, Candace Doby, David Greenberg, Tom Nixon, Pete Weissman, Becky Robinson, Ed Frauenheim, Ryan Jenkins, Dirk Eilert, Richar Ruiz, and Crystal Kadakia for never hesitating to respond quickly and with wise counsel, and the late Gene Griessman, a mentor who was an enthusiastic learning companion until the end of his life.

Thanks also to my other supportive friends and colleagues. I hope you know who you are.

I would not have elevated my work and spirit without the generous counsel of friends in the thriving Berrett-Koehler Author and National Speaker Association communities.

I was more than pleased for this book to land in the capable, reassuring hands of editor Jeevan Sivasubramanian. We worked together on The Genius of Opposites, and our collaboration always flows naturally. He is not only astute and timely with his suggestions, but also the kindest curmudgeon I know (next to Bill Kahnweiler, as he fully admits).

I also owe immense gratitude to Steve Piersanti, of Berrett-Koehler, the editor of three of my books, including the first two editions of The Introverted Leader. Over sixteen years ago, he picked up my manuscript from the overflowing pile on his desk and gave me a chance. Steve surmised he might be an introvert and was intrigued by the topic. Our partnership allowed me to spotlight and lift underrepresented introverted leaders worldwide. I was able to make an impact because of his belief in this work.

The rest of the BK staff continues to deliver exceptionally high-quality results with tight resources, including Kristen Frantz, Katelyn Keating, Sarah Nelson, Ashley Ingram, Christy Kirk, and Catherine Lengronne. Thank you also to the editorial team at Happenstance, especially Audrey Doyle and Maureen Forys.

And to the readers of my books, who have validated the importance of this work, put the ideas into action, and made a difference for themselves and their organizations: You will continue to inspire me as we create change together.

WORKING WITH THE AUTHOR

“Jennifer wowed the group. She has the rare combination of delivering ‘news you can use’ mixed with humor and authenticity. . . . Both introverts and extroverts alike were buzzing about their insights and next steps long after the meeting ended.”

— Heather Rocker, Executive Director, Women in Technology

There are many ways Jennifer is available to work with your organization. Check out these links and contact her at jennifer@jenniferkahnweiler.com to schedule a chat:

Her website: https://jenniferkahnweiler.com

Virtual presentations: https://jenniferkahnweiler.com/virtual/

Moderated fireside chats with introverted leaders: https://jenniferkahnweiler.com/virtual/

Speaking at book clubs: https://jenniferkahnweiler.com/virtual/

The Introvert Ally podcast, seasons 1, 2, and 3: https://jenniferkahnweiler.com/podcasts/

Her YouTube channel with numerous videos: https://www.youtube.com/user/jkahnweiler

On-Demand Training Programs

Jennifer’s Quick Coach coaching tips on twelve introvert-focused topics: https://athenaonline.com

Velociteach, a project management company, offers Jennifer’s courses for HR and PDU credits:

“The Introverted Leader”: https://courses.velociteach.com/online-courses/the-introverted-leader/

“Quiet Influence”: https://courses.velociteach.com/online-courses/quiet-influence/

Social Media

Engage with Jennifer on:

LinkedIn: Jennifer Kahnweiler, PhD, CSP

YouTube: @jkahnweiler

Instagram: JenniferKahnweiler

Other Books

Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplace: How to Unleash Everyone’s Talent and Performance

Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference

The Genius of Opposites: How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together

Shaping Your HR Role: Succeeding in Today’s Organizations (with Dr. Bill Kahnweiler)

ABOUT JENNIFER

Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, is an author, global speaker, and podcast host hailed as a champion for introverts. Her bestselling books The Introverted Leader (three editions), Quiet Influence, The Genius of Opposites, and Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces have been translated into seventeen languages. She hosts the well-received podcast Introvert Ally. Her books and speeches have helped individuals, teams, and organizations harness and unleash introvert power.

Her career includes roles as an elementary school counselor, university administrator, government program director, corporate training leader, small business owner, and career coach. She has a diverse client list including the CDC, NASA, Synchrony, Bosch, and many others.

Jennifer has delivered invited keynote speeches in Australia, Vietnam, Singapore, Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, and Paraguay. Her presentations include research, poignant stories, practical tools, and humor. She has also been featured in Fortune, Forbes, Time, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal and has been a guest on over one hundred podcasts.

She received her PhD in counseling and organizational development from Florida State University, and her earlier degrees in sociology and counseling are from Washington University, St. Louis. She earned the Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) designation, which is held by a small percentage of professional speakers.

She is an active Advocate member of Onboard, an organization that aims to increase the number of women in executive leadership and corporate boards. She volunteers weekly at a food pantry and is grateful to incorporate family, yoga, pickleball, swimming, and travel into her life.

Jennifer lives in Atlanta with her introverted husband, Bill. She is inspired by her children and grandchildren: Lindsey and spouse Adam, Jessie and fiancé Rufus, and granddaughters Ava, Millie, and Solly.

Also by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD

Quiet Influence

The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference

“This extraordinary book shows that you don’t have to raise your volume to have a voice.”

—Susan Cain, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Quiet

Introverts may feel powerless in a world where extroverts seem to rule, but there’s more than one way to have some sway. Jennifer Kahnweiler proves introverts can be highly effective influencers when, instead of trying to act like extroverts, they use their natural strengths to make a difference.

Kahnweiler identifies six unique strengths of introverts and includes a Quiet Influence Quotient (QIQ) quiz to measure how well you’re using these six strengths now.

Through questions, tools, exercises, and powerful real-world examples, you can increase your mastery of these strengths—and use them at work and beyond.

Paperback, 192 pages, ISBN 978-1-60994-562-6

PDF ebook, ISBN 978-1-60994-563-3

ePub, 978-1-60994-564-0

The Genius of Opposites

How Introverts and Extroverts Achieve Extraordinary Results Together

Better Together

FDR and Eleanor. Mick and Keith. Jobs and Woz. There are countless examples of introvert-extrovert partnerships who make brilliant products, create great works of art, and even change history together. But these partnerships don’t just happen. They demand wise nurturing.

The key, says bestselling author Jennifer Kahnweiler, is for opposites to stop emphasizing their differences and use approaches that focus them both on moving toward results.

Kahnweiler’s first-of-its-kind practical five-step process helps introverts and extroverts understand and appreciate each other’s wiring, use conflicts to spur creativity, enrich their own skills by learning from the other, and see and act on things neither would have noticed separately. Kahnweiler shows how to perform the delicate balancing act required to create a whole that is exponentially greater than the sum of its parts.

Paperback, 168 pages, ISBN 978-1-62656-305-6

PDF ebook, ISBN 978-1-62656-306-3

ePub, 978-1-62656-307-0

Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces

How to Unleash Everyone’s Talent and Performance

“This important book offers organizations the keys to introvert inclusion.”

—Susan Cain, New York Times bestselling author of Quiet

The first guide to creating a welcoming culture that maximizes the powerful contributions introverts bring to the workplace.

As the diversity, equity, and inclusion wave widens and deepens its reach, introversion is becoming a natural part of that movement. After all, about half the population identify as introverts, but many organizations are stuck in traditional extrovert-centric workplace cultures that reward people for speaking up publicly, expect them to log face time, and employ hiring and promotion practices rooted in the past.

This ultimately discourages introverts from contributing and reaching their full talent potential, which could have a major impact on the bottom line.

“Champion for introverts” Jennifer Kahnweiler offers a road map for everyone in the workplace—including leaders, human resource managers, and team members—to create inclusive, introvert-friendly cultures. Kahnweiler provides an assessment to determine how introvert friendly your organization is and looks at every aspect of organizational life—hiring, training, leading, communicating, meeting, designing workplaces, and more—through an inclusive lens.

You’ll discover how to make open-space offices introvert friendly, what the best practices are for encouraging introverts to participate on teams, which training techniques work best for introverts, and how to make remote positions work.

Paperback, 176 pages, ISBN 978-1-52308-651-1

PDF ebook, ISBN 978-1-52308-652-8

ePub, 978-1-52308-653-5

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