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TAMING VIOLET

THE SINFUL SECRETS SERIES

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ANNIE CHARME

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CHAMBRE ROSE PUBLISHING

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Copyright © 2023 by Annie Charme

All rights reserved.

The moral rights of the author, Annie Charme to be identified as the author of this work have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

No part of this edition may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher and copyright holder. Except for the use of a brief quotation in a book review.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold or hired out in any form of binding other than that in which it is first published and without this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A catalogue record of this book is available from The British Library

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organisations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

First Published in 2023 by Chambre Rose Publishing

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Home is not bricks and mortar,

it’s wherever you are loved.

* * *

And Dad,

if you ever decide to read one of my books,

this is not the one.

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CONTENTS

Foreword

1. VIOLET

2. KANE

3. VIOLET

4. KANE

5. VIOLET

6. KANE

7. VIOLET

8. KANE

9. VIOLET

10. KANE

11. VIOLET

12. KANE

13. VIOLET

14. KANE

15. VIOLET

16. KANE

17. VIOLET

18. VIOLET

19. KANE

20. VIOLET

21. KANE

22. VIOLET

23. KANE

24. VIOLET

25. KANE

26. VIOLET

27. KANE

28. VIOLET

29. KANE

30. VIOLET

31. KANE

32. VIOLET

33. VIOLET

34. KANE

35. VIOLET

36. VIOLET

37. KANE

38. VIOLET

39. KANE

40. VIOLET

41. KANE

42. VIOLET

43. VIOLET

44. KANE

45. VIOLET

46. VIOLET

47. KANE

48. VIOLET

49. KANE

50. VIOLET

51. KANE

52. VIOLET

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by ANNIE CHARME

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* * *

This book is written by a British author. Therefore all spellings and grammar are British English. 

* * *

Taming Violet Playlist on Spotify

* * *

What you can expect in this story:

Parental death (off page in the past), violence, discussions on past sexual assault (off page), discussions on suicide, fostered childhood, power play, strong language, graphic sexual scenes, cannabis use, fire, light kinks (full list on my website www.anniecharme.com).

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1

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VIOLET

“You have arrived at your destination,” the monotone GPS voice from my phone stirs the dread in my stomach.

Wet gravel crunches and squeaks under the tyres of my Austin Mini. A dark rain cloud has followed me most of the way here, like a bad omen. I tap the dash with my hand while my foot eases off the accelerator, bringing the old girl to a halt. “We made it. We finally made it.”

Inhaling a deep breath, my hand trembles, pulling the handbrake. I stare out the windshield through the pouring rain at an old dilapidated farmhouse lit up only by my headlights.

The fluttering of birds takes flight in my chest, where a glimmer of hope blooms. I kill the engine, shutting off the beam and sit in the darkness with everything I own packed up into my compact car. The old girl’s done well to get us the three-hundred mile journey with no breakdowns, despite needing a new fan belt. I spent the last of my money on fuel to get me here.

Trust my dad to live in the middle of nowhere. All the years dreaming up stories of my parents, I never imagined them to be rural small-town folk.

Since I turned eighteen and found the names of my parents, I’ve been tracking them down. Finding out my mum had passed away was devastating. Growing up, I imagined she was forced to give me up, that she always wanted me and one day we’d have this wonderful reunion. It took me a while to come to terms with her death. It’s a strange feeling mourning someone you never knew. But I was grieving for all the memories we’d never get to make, all the stories I’d cooked up in my mind and all the love I’ll never know.

They say there is no love like a mother’s love. All I can hope for now is that my father will tell me what I long to hear, that she loved me. That I wasn’t a mistake, or unwanted. I need to know. I need to know her. Find a family, some place where I belong.

The rain beats heavily against the windshield, matching my beating heart. The longer I sit here, mustering all the strength I have, the later it gets. I contemplate sleeping in my car, as I have many times before. Not my brightest idea; an eighteen-year-old girl, alone in the car park. But with my penknife in hand and my doors locked, being parked under the security cameras was enough to help me sleep.

With a deep intake of breath. I haul my holdall over my shoulder and step out into the rain. It’s now or never. The wet gravel slips under my Converse and I pull the hood of my jumper over my head.

A porch light sensor catches my approach, lighting up the old wooden door. With the peeled paint and water dripping from the gutter, the house exudes sadness; weeping alone in the middle of nowhere. The wooden porch groans as I step up to the door sheltered under a small canopy. I rasp my knuckles against the frosted glass and gulp when a light turns on inside.

A dog barks on the other side of the door, making me jump out of my skin. My legs shake as I grip the handle of my heavy holdall. It’s the only thing keeping my feet in place while my head wants to bolt. I spin on my heels. My Converse squeaking against the wet wood of the porch.

The door swings open. I freeze. My heart pounds against my ribs like the rain hammering my forehead. Water drips from my lashes and I can’t tell if it’s the rain or tears as I turn and set eyes on my father for the first time.

“Can I help you?” His deep voice sounds out over the downpour. Steely eyes stare down at me, peering into my hazel ones. I try to see the resemblance. I must take after Mum.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. My hoodie sticks to my arms, the rain seeping through the fabric. He steps out of the door. The porch light highlights his thick, black wavy hair. He scratches his rough, unshaven jaw, peppered with grey.

A border collie stands beside him, tilting its head as if examining me just like its owner.

“Are you all right?” Water runs over his bare chest, running through the black hairs that cover a serpent entwined around a dagger and a skull that fills his torso. The sight takes my breath away.

I shake my head, swallow and step forward into the light.

His eyes widen, and he sucks in a breath, as if he knows me by sight.

“It’s me.” Another gulp. “Violet. Your daughter.” I pull the hood of my jumper down so he can see me.

The serpent on his chest rises with a sharp intake of breath. “You look just like her.” The inked pattern on his neck ripples as he exhales, then swallows hard.

The pulse in my neck throbs as I shuffle from foot to foot, gripping the handle of my holdall tight on my shoulder. His mouth hangs open while he stares at me as if he’s seen a ghost. Not the homecoming I’d dreamed of.

A rumble of thunder sounds in the distance, breaking the concentration in his face. He clears his throat, pulling the loose strands of dark hair from his forehead. “Shit. You’re soaked. Come inside. Are you alone?”

I nod as he steps closer, taking the bag from me. He guides me into his home. An overwhelming warmth washes over me, despite being cold and wet as water drips from me onto his rustic tiled kitchen floor. He drops my bag onto a large wooden farmhouse table with a single flex of his large biceps, covered in barbed wire and weeping violets.

The silence is deafening, even the dog is quiet. Hairs prickle on my neck. Each ragged, shaky breath feels like a hurricane leaving my lungs and my heart hammers in my throat. I don’t know what I expected, but I never expected the brooding, silent type.

“Are you coming back to bed, Daddy?” A sultry voice says, breaking the tension.

“Daddy?” My eyebrows pinch, wondering who it is. Doubtful it’s a sister. The tone wasn’t that sort of relationship.

“What’s taking so long, Kane?” A black-haired beauty appears in the doorway, her tight black dress hanging off the shoulder, hugging her curves. She takes a step back when her eyes land on me. Not a wrinkle in sight, she can’t be much older than twenty-five. “Oh, who’s this?”

“Party’s over, Lilly. I’ll call you a ride.” Kane searches his pockets, coming up empty.

“Don’t bother. I can see myself home.” She spins on her toes, walking back upstairs in a huff.

I turn to Kane. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting—”

“It’s fine.” His lips press into a hard line, but try to curve as he looks at me as if trying to reassure me that everything’s fine, even though this is the most awkward I’ve been since getting caught with my foster brother.

I stand dripping in the middle of his kitchen. My Converse toeing a broken tile on the floor as I stare intently at the quarry style flooring. Anything but look him in the eye. Following the cracks in the floor, his bare feet come into view. My gaze wanders over the tight black jeans and back to the serpent. He’s intense. Scrutinising my every move.

The dog circles me, licking at the wet drips on the floor.

“Belle. Basket.” He snaps his fingers with commanding authority, then leans back against the worktop. “Do you want a drink? Something to eat?”

I nod. “Water, please.”

He fills a glass from the tap and rifles through the cupboards. “Packet of crisps?”

I take the water and the salt and vinegar he’s offering, then sit at the table, wiping my clammy palms against my denim clad thighs.

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KANE

Violet unzips her hoodie, revealing a tight off-white vest that looks far too small for her bust spilling over the top. Her ample stomach hangs over the button on her tight jeans and damn, she looks just like her mother—delicious. A perfect midnight snack. I swallow before my mouth waters at the ghost in my kitchen and shake the thoughts from my head before my cock gets any ideas.

Alison, her mother, would rip my balls off if she saw me looking at her daughter this way. She’s not here, but Violet is, and damn, she reminds me so much of her. My heart roars like the old Jaguar in my garage has been given a new engine.

Lillian appears back in the kitchen. I’d forgotten she was here. She gives Violet a slanted glare.

Seeing Lilly’s jealous streak makes me huff out a laugh. “It’s not what you think, Lil.”

She flicks her gaze to me, her long black glossy hair swishes over her shoulder.

“She’s my ex’s kid.” I pull a set of keys from the cupboard.

Violet pulls her eyebrows together, tilting her head.

I hold the keys out to Lilly. “You wanna take the truck? I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”

“Shane’s picking me up.” Her heels click against the tiles as she makes her way to the door, throwing her purse over her shoulder.

I turn my attention back to Violet. Blue and purple streaks flow through her long hair, but there’s no denying she’s her mother’s daughter. I can’t get over the resemblance. Peering into her hazel irises takes me back twenty years.

A car drives up the gravel path, headlights shining through the kitchen window, then the door shuts. Lillian leaves without a goodbye. She’s used to my moods. She’ll understand. Shane will make sure she’s safe.

“I’m sorry I ruined your date.” A hint of a smile highlights a cheeky dimple. She’s not sorry at all.

“I told you it’s fine.” I reach for the whiskey and grab a glass from the sink. “Want one?”

She nods. I grab another glass and pause, trying to do the math, wondering how old she is. She drove here, so she has to be at least seventeen. Sitting next to her, I slide the gold liquid across the table, wondering if she needs this as much as I do.

“Thanks, Dad?”

My spine bristles. It was a question more than anything else. I sit up in my chair; the sentiment making me queasy. “Let’s get one thing straight, kid. I’m nobody’s father.” I knock back the drink, needing the burn at the back of my throat just to make sure I’m not dreaming.

The bridge between her eyebrows wrinkles just like her mother’s would when she was mad. “I have my birth certificate.” She pulls a folded cream piece of paper from her back pocket. “Are you not Kane Henry Harding?”

She points to my name on the sheet next to that of her mother. Alison Carter. Pain stabs me in the chest like being hit by a truck at a hundred miles an hour. If only I’d been there that night.

“She put my name on the birth certificate because…” I pause, the memories flooding back, threatening to drown me once more. “Because we were dating, but I’m not your father, kid.” I pour another drink.

Her eyes glaze over. “But how? Did she cheat on you?”

My fist clenches around my glass. I don’t know what’s worse. The truth or a lie. “Your mother was no cheater. She was already pregnant before we dated.” I hope it will satisfy her. Any more questions and I may have to get creative.

“Who’s my real dad?” Tears swell behind her lashes. The corner of her lips twitch just like her mother’s would when she was upset.

I shrug my shoulders and take another drink. “I dunno, kid. That’s why she put my name on the certificate.”

With a shaky hand, she lifts the drink to her lips and knocks back the whiskey. Her face doesn’t screw up at the taste like I imagined it would. Nor does she cough or stick her tongue out. This isn’t her first hard liquor.

“It’s late. You can kip in the spare room and we can talk more in the morning. Help yourself to whatever you like. Not that I have much. We can go to the store tomorrow and get whatever you need.”

She nods with sad eyes full of disappointment.

I grab her bag from the table. “Do you wanna grab the rest of your stuff?”

“That’s it.” She points to the holdall in my hand.

“You travel light.” I’ve known Lilly to bring more shit than this for a few nights’ stay. I carry it up the stairs, stopping halfway for her to follow. At the top of the stair, I point to the bathroom opposite my room and then to the spare room.

“It’s not much.” I drop the bag on a single bed, turn on the bedside lamp, knowing the bulb is gone on the ceiling, and move some boxes to the side. The room’s become more of a dumping ground since I moved back into my childhood home, but Violet being here may give me the motivation to spruce the place up.

“It’s nicer than what I’m used to. Don’t sweat it.” She bounces on the bed, testing it out. Her tits jiggling up and down.

“Fuck. What sort of dives are you used to?” I hold my breath, waiting for her to speak. Ali hoped she was giving her a better life. Better than what she had.

“I grew up in foster homes.” Violet shrugs. “No biggie.”

Shit. My heart drops to my stomach. “I’m sorry, kid.” I turn and close the door behind me, leaving her to settle in. She doesn’t know that I mean I’m sorry for everything. I have to take some of the responsibility for her past. I may not have done right by her mother, but I’m sure as hell gonna see her daughter’s taken care of.

I’m no father figure. Hell, I’m not much of anything, but maybe this is my chance to redeem myself. I’d do anything for Ali, even take in her kid.

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VIOLET

Sunlight pours through the torn curtain, blinding me when I blink open my eyes. The room looks dirtier in the light of day, like nobody’s been in here in a while. I dusted off the bedding, which seemed clean enough and smelt fresh, even though the room itself was fusty.

I couldn’t tell what was in the boxes last night with only the bedside lamp for lighting, but now with the sun putting it in the spotlight, it’s full of old records and books. My fingers slide over the spines and find it odd. He doesn’t seem the reading type.

A thick layer of dust clings to my finger and I blow it off. I pad out onto the landing, needing to use the bathroom. My head does a double take passing his room, impressed with the way his bed’s made, like a hotel with the duvet tucked in at the corners. The room’s much cleaner and sparser than mine.

After using the bathroom, I dress and make my way downstairs. He’s nowhere to be seen, though the kettle’s warm. I pour myself a glass of milk and walk around the old rustic farmhouse full of character.

Entering the living room, the smell of burnt wood lingers. A large open fire built into the chimney breast is the focal point of the room. My fingers trace over the photographs adorning a rustic dresser along the back wall. A young boy smiles with two adults on a boat. Another picture shows Kane dressed in an army uniform with another man. I’ve never had a thing for army guys, but Kane looks sick in camouflage. The thought of a man like him taking care of me like a daddy makes my pulse race. Mum was a lucky girl.

Heading outside, the sun hits my face, a stark contrast to the rain when I arrived yesterday as if the heavens are shining down on me, telling me everything’s gonna be all right.

A machine sounds from the barn, and I walk over with my milk in hand. The door swings open when I push against it and Belle darts past me. My mouth drops. Kane, in nothing but a pair of jeans, much like last night, only now the sweat glistens from his body. His biceps bulge as he runs the electric saw through planks of wood, controlling it as easy as a knife gliding through butter.

He looks up, kills the machine and pulls off his safety glasses, lifting them on top of his head and pulling his dark hair back with them. His face is even more glorious in daylight. The summer has been good to him, giving his body a bronzed glow.

“Were you gonna drink that?” He nods at the drink in my hand, spilling onto my Converse.

“Shit.” I straighten the glass in my hand and close my gaping mouth. Belle materialises from nowhere to lick my pumps clean. Mum must have been quite the catch to bag herself this man. I wonder if he was this buff back in the day.

“Sleep well?” He walks to the side of the barn, grabbing a white tee from a wooden cabinet and pulls it over his head.

I shrug. “It was okay.” My eyes drift to more furniture. Some carved and some plain. All different and bespoke. “Do you make these?” My hand slides along the surface of the polished oak.

“Yeah. It’s a hobby. Earns me a few quid along with the cars.”

“Cars?” I spin around in the yard but only see a pickup.

“I fix cars. You need a new fan belt, by the way. Your brake pads are also wearing thin. I doubt she’d pass an MOT.” He points towards my mini.

“You checked my girl out?”

He nods, keeping his eyes on my car. “She’s pretty fine. Still plenty of life left in the old girl.”

I don’t miss how he calls my car the same thing I do. We might not be related, but we have more in common than I thought.

His lips press together when he focuses back on me. “You just need to take better care of her.”

I dig my fist into my hip. “Look, I know what she needs. I’m not exactly rolling in dough at the minute. I was hoping Daddy would be a billionaire, but no such luck.”

“No billionaire here, unfortunately.” His warm smile reaches his silvery-blue eyes as he gazes upon me. “I can be your daddy, though.”

I suck in a breath. The words travel straight to my centre and my whole body tenses.

His hand rubs the back of his neck. “Damn. That came out wrong. Shit. I mean, I’ll take care of you.” He throws the glasses from his head onto the cabinet. “You can stay as long as you like. It’s what your mother would’ve wanted.”

I relax a little and take a sip of my milk. “Thanks.”

He steps closer, bringing his hand to my face as if he's going to kiss me. My body freezes apart from my pulsing centre.

The rough pad of his thumb swipes above my top lip. “You have a milk ‘tash.” He grins.

The pulse between my legs travels to my neck. Heat blooms on my cheeks. “Oh. Thanks.”

“Come on. Let’s get breakfast.” He pulls a set of keys from his pocket and clicks the button, unlocking the Ford Ranger. He opens the door for me, holding out a hand to help me climb in. I’m not that small, but with Kane’s six foot frame and the truck, I feel tiny.

“Aren’t you gonna lock up?” I pinch my eyebrows together as he slips behind the wheel.

“No need. Belle will bite the hand of any stranger who breaks in. Besides, nobody ever comes up here.” He starts the engine and drives off the gravel drive, down the winding country lane that leads onto the main road. “Hungry?”

“Starving.” My stomach grumbles as I say the word. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in days.

“How old are you now? You must be what, seventeen?” He glances back at me, taking his eyes off the road.

“I’m eighteen. They wouldn’t let me see my file until I was eighteen.” Even though I tried many times. Even broke into the office one night. “When I got your address from my file, I typed it in on maps and saw an old photo of a Kane Harding outside the house. You look the same now as you did then.”

He huffs out a laugh. “That was probably my dad. He was called Kane Harding, too.” He side eyes me, a crease worrying his brow. “Did you Google anything else?”

“Only Mum. But I knew everything already from my file.” I stare out the window at the fields. Such a beautiful part of the country. Mum was lucky to grow up here instead of in the city.

We pull up at a container parked in a lay-by. A greasy makeshift burger joint, but the smell has my stomach growling. Kane grabs a hoodie from the back seat and hands it to me, nodding at my chest. “Cover yourself.”

I look down at my breasts in the tight vest top, one I’ve had since I was about sixteen, like most of my clothes—old and ill-fitting. I glance at Kane. His steely eyes bore into me and I can see he has no intention of moving until I’m covered. Only I can’t work out if it’s embarrassing to be seen with a chubby girl, wearing tight clothes, or old clothes—Though his work jeans are filthy and torn and his t-shirt is also filthy. Or is it the protective father in him, trying to do right by my mother? I’ve never had that before. Hoping it’s the latter, I pull his hoodie over my head, inhaling the smell of oak and a familiar scent of weed.

A smile spreads across my face, and I hope I can get a smoke. I used the last of my money on fuel to get here and haven’t had a cigarette since yesterday morning. The nerves of coming here had me chain-smoking my way across the country.

I slip out of the vehicle, practically having to jump with my short legs and walk fast to keep up with him. Once inside, there are a few empty tables. Men in trade uniforms mainly fill the container. Eyes fix on us at the counter, but it’s not me they’re looking at. Kane has the ability to grab the attention of any crowd, but they sheepishly look and glance away, going back to their breakfast as if they’re afraid.

Some sort of pride fills my chest, knowing I’m with him, and a sense of protection shrouds me as I stand at his side.

“What do you want, Vi?”

I swallow. Nobody has called me Vi before, my usual nickname being Letty. The way he says it so casually, like he’s practiced my name on his tongue many times and always knew he would call me that. Did Mum call me Vi? Such a silly, simple thing, but means so much.

Mouth watering, I scan the chalkboard menu on the wall. “Full English?” I cringe inwardly. My foster mother’s voice ringing in my head and telling me to have poached egg and avocado or something. She was always trying to make me lose weight so I could fit in with her perfect family and be more like my foster sister, Maddie.

He nods to the woman behind the counter. “Two full English breakfasts, please.” He chucks a note on the counter before we sit in the corner of the cabin.

I relax my shoulders, realising Kane doesn’t care at all about how much I eat, and I shouldn’t either.

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KANE

Using an elasticated bobble wrapped around her wrist, she pulls her hair back into a ponytail, revealing a set of piercings down her ear with silver rings and blue and purple stoned studs. She looks like a little rebel. Probably one that’s going to cause me trouble, but her vulnerability last night made me want to help her out.

Blue and purple streaks line her head, mixed with what I assume is her natural shade of chocolate brown, like Ali’s.

I can’t take my eyes off her. “You look just like her, you know.”

Her smile widens. “How so?”

“Everything from your hazel eyes and brown hair.” I reach out to tuck a loose purple strand behind her ear. “She didn’t have any of this, though.” A smile cracks my face. I can’t remember the last time I smiled involuntarily. It feels good, especially seeing Vi smile along with me and look down all shy with a small giggle. Opening my wallet, I slide it across the table. A faded picture of Ali sits in the window of the leather.

She swallows, looks into my sad eyes and back to the picture. Her own eyes fill with sadness. “She’s beautiful.”

I want to say like her daughter, but it doesn’t seem like the right time. Nor does telling her she had the same big tits and delicious curves just like her.

“She loved you, you know. She just couldn’t take care of you.” I run a hand over my face, knowing things would have been different if I’d been around. If my anger hadn’t got the better of me. I left her on her own when she needed me most. I still blame myself for her death, but I’m gonna make up for all that now and give this kid everything she needs.

Her voice wobbles. “Why did she give me up?”

“She didn’t have a choice. She was alone. When she turned to drink, social services got involved.” I hand her a napkin to dry her eyes before the thick black eyeliner runs down her cheek.

“Two English breakfasts,” Carole says, setting the plates down. I pull my wallet back and slide it into my pocket. Carole’s eyes fix on Vi for a beat too long, clearly seeing the resemblance when she gives me a warm smile and her hand grazes my shoulder as she walks away. She knew my parents and has always looked out for me since I was a kid.

Violet digs into her food like she’s never been fed. This girl likes to eat, just like her mother. Though the last time I saw Ali, she’d lost loads of weight. All the beautiful curves I loved were gone, leaving a shell of the woman that was my world. The drink and everything else had taken its toll. At my mother’s funeral, I knew something was off. All I could do was tell her how much I loved her.

“How did you and Mum meet?” she says with a mouthful of beans.

“She lived down the road. We went to the same school, but I was a year older.”

She shoves in another mouthful of beans. Watching her eat is just as satisfying as eating my own breakfast, knowing she’s getting a good meal inside her. “What about her parents? My grandparents?”

“She lived with her grandma. Her mother was never around. She never knew her father.”

She swallows and looks down at her plate, moving the mushroom around in the beans. “Just like me then, huh?”

Seeing her deflate cracks the stone around my heart. It’s been dormant for so long, shutting out all feelings. I didn’t even allow myself to feel when my father passed—the only reason I moved back to this godforsaken place. I was going to sell his farmhouse, but I couldn’t bring myself to. So many memories of growing up there and with her.

“Is her grandma still alive?” She looks up at me, her hazel eyes full of hope.

I shake my head. “She passed away before your mum…before you were born.”

Her head drops again. “How did it happen? Mum, I mean, how did she die?”

The lump in my throat prevents me from speaking. She wants answers, but I’m not ready to go back there. I’ve blocked it out for so long. Another crack to my heart as I stare into her eyes. A smattering of freckles lies across her beautiful face from the long summer we’ve had. “It was the drink that killed her. She was sick.”

She nods, a wrinkle between her brows present, showing more questions whirling around that head of hers.

“Eat.” I point to her breakfast and continue with mine, enjoying watching her and being in her presence. Something swells in my chest. A feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. Probably since before everything went to shit.

Gazing at Vi chewing on her bacon gives me hope I can atone and do something right for her mother after all these years.

Vi glances up and quirks her lip in the corner, then darts her tongue out to lick the sauce from her lips. My cock twitches against my zipper. Damn, as much as I want her here, she’s going to be trouble.

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VIOLET

Back at the house, Kane goes back to the workshop. I explore the woodland near the property. Moss covers the large oaks, the clean air fills my nostrils. I soak in the quiet stillness.

After growing up with the noise and pollution of the city, being here is like being free. No social workers knocking at my door, wondering when my current foster parents are gonna be sick of me. No school and no more shitty factory jobs. Although, I need to do something soon. I’m due my final wage at the end of the month and it won’t last long.

A rustle sweeps through the trees, whispering to me in the breeze. I imagine Mum running through these woods like me. A free spirit. After some time, I check the battery on my phone, knowing I’ll need Google maps to make my way back. With a low battery and weak signal, I should start heading back soon.

Laughter travels through the trees, making me rush to see where it’s coming from.

A small lake comes into view and a group of people around my age are hanging out. I stand behind a tree, watching them splash around in the water. A blonde guy lifts a girl and drops her, causing a yelp. He stops when our eyes meet. She clings to his back as he carries her out of the lake, nodding at two guys who are smoking on the bonnet of an old Land Rover Discovery.

The guys crane their necks, spotting me. “What do we have here?”

A girl sunbathing on a towel on the ground lifts her head and tilts her sunglasses. “Hi.” Her friendly smile entices me over.

“Sup.” I fold my arms over my chest, trying to cover my embarrassingly old vest, wishing I’d kept Kane’s hoodie on, but it’s warm today.

The blonde drops the girl he carried from the pool onto the grass. She’s topless. I avert my eyes as she picks up her bra and covers herself. “Haven’t seen you around before.”

“I just got here yesterday. I’m staying at the farmhouse.” My hand waves in the direction I came from.

“Old man Harding’s farm?” the guy from the lake asks.

I wouldn’t say Kane was that old, but I nod. They must mean his dad.

The guys share a look as I kick a twig on the ground with my Converse. I want to bolt, but stay put, hoping to make some friends. If I’m gonna stick around and I hope I do, I’m gonna need friends my own age. The city was never my home and my one true friend has moved away with her boyfriend. I couldn’t give two shits about the rest of them. My foster parents never gave two shits about me. They only fostered for the money each week. As soon as I turned eighteen and the money stopped, they couldn’t wait to be rid of me.

The guy from the bonnet jumps off and walks towards me. His golden hair glistens under the sunlight and his bronzed buff body has my eyes growing wide. “Toke?” He offers me his joint and I inhale the delicious familiar scent.

Taking it from him, I puff on the spliff, loving the taste I’ve missed. “Thanks.” I hand it back with a smile and see a smirk playing on his lips.

Lifting the sunglasses, he pulls his blonde hair back. “I’m Jesse.” He brings the joint to his lips, taking a long drag, then blows it out slowly. “You are?”

“Er…Violet, but you can call me Letty.” I shake the electricity coursing through my veins under his blue-eyed stare. He looks like the guy from the lake. They must be related.

“Like your hair.”

“Huh?” He likes my hair.

“Violet, like your hair.” He offers me another puff on the joint and I take it. “Come and hang. We don’t bite.” Another shared look amongst the boys, but I can handle them and the girls seem friendly enough.

Jesse points around the group, shouting out names. “Jack.”

The blonde from the lake nods and smirks at me.

“Marie.” He points to the girl from the lake, then the girl sunbathing. “Lucy and Max.” Max jumps off the bonnet of the Discovery and flicks his brown hair, giving me a nod before moving over to Marie, wrapping his arm around her waist and whispering something in her ear.

I lean back against the bonnet, sharing the joint with Jesse. Marie tilts her head and takes Max’s mouth. My eyes widen. I thought she was with the blonde guy, Jack, seeing as she was fooling around with him topless in the lake. I shrug it off and take another drag. Feeling the hit, I relax against the warm metal of the vehicle. Jesse resumes his place on the bonnet and holds out his hand. I step onto the large tyre of his Discovery and climb onto the bonnet to sit with him.

Jack sits on top of Lucy and nibbles at her neck. She giggles, but lets him kiss down her body.

“You’ll get used to them dirty bastards. They can’t keep their hands off each other.” Jesse says, leaning back against the windshield.

“Is he your brother?”

A smile appears on his face as he looks at me. “Can you tell? I’m the better looking one, though, right?”

I can’t deny he is rather good looking, in a sun-kissed surfer style kind of way. He wouldn’t look out-of-place running along the beach with a surfboard. I smile back, as if in agreement.

“So what do you do, Letty?”

“Nothing. I’m in-between jobs.”

“They have jobs going at my place if you’re looking,” one girl shouts.

My ears prick up, and I turn my head. “Where’s that?”

Lucy pulls off her sunglasses. “The supermarket in town. I’ll put a word in if you like.”

“Thanks.” I inhale another long drag. Everything slows down. The lake in front of me blurs like heat from a fire, making everything flicker and sway. This joint is strong. I lift on my elbows and glance around, doing a double take when Jack’s head is buried between Lucy’s thighs. I stare at the two of them. Not believing what my eyes are seeing. She moans. My ears are deceiving me now.

Knuckles stroke the bare skin on my arm, then my collarbone, moving down the valley of my breasts, over my vest top, slowly gliding over my pillowy stomach. “You like to watch?”

My head snaps to Jesse, panted breaths leave my mouth and a moan escapes. I glance down at his hand cupping between my thighs, massaging over the denim. Everything is foggy. Like a dream.

“It’s okay.” His soft voice lulls me as he continues his gentle assault. Heat soars through my body. I’m wound up so tight, desperate for any sort of attention, I can’t seem to say no.

I glance back to the others, both girls making out with the guys, half naked for all to see, and I’m about to let Jesse do the same. My legs widen, allowing him better access. He undoes my zipper. This isn’t me. I’m not usually this easy and I’ve never gone past first base in front of anyone.

I go to speak, but he hushes me as a finger slips down my jeans. The marijuana wearing off a little as the haze lifts and I grab his hand before he can delve further. “No.” My heart beats in my throat as his sunny blue eyes turn cold.

He removes his hand. “Some other time.”

I glance back to the girls lying on the towel sunbathing. Did I just imagine all that? I can’t tell what’s real anymore. I make a mental note to stay off the weed for a while until I’m with people I can trust. One thing I know for certain is I'm desperate for some action. I've been so preoccupied with finding my family, I haven't got myself off in a while.

Max throws the keys to Jesse. “Let’s go.”

Jesse jumps up off the bonnet. “Need a ride?”

I open the map app on my phone. On foot, the farmhouse is one hour away. “Can you take me home?” Home. I've been here less than twenty-four hours and I already feel more at home than I have in years.

“Get in.” Jesse opens the passenger door for me, and I pull myself up and climb in. Why can’t people drive normal cars around here? Jesse sits in the driving seat and the other four pile into the back.

“I’m at work Wednesday, Letty, if you wanna come and see me. I’ll introduce you to the manager. It’s the Millpond supermarket in town.”

“Thanks, I’ll do that.”

Loud music blasts from the stereo, making it difficult to talk. Jesse turns up the long, winding road to the farmhouse. He stops at the dirt road. “Is here all right for you?”

“Sure. Thanks.” I jump down and close the door.

“See you around.” He puts the Discovery in reverse and spins off down the lane.

I can see the house in the distance and wondered why they didn’t just drop me off at my door. Then I remember what Kane said about nobody ever coming up here. I wonder if they were afraid, then shake the ridiculous thought. Kane may look intimidating with all his tattoos, but he’s nice enough and the woman he was with last night didn’t seem afraid to stand up to him.

As I approach the house, his pickup isn’t in the yard. Luckily, the doors are unlocked. He said he doesn’t need to lock-up which I find bizarre. Perhaps that’s how it is out here in the country. It’s certainly not how we do things in the city.

Belle greets me when I open the door. I bend down, letting her sniff me before I enter. The last thing I want is to get my hand bitten off, although she seems a big softie. I can’t imagine her biting anyone.

Wanting to do something nice for Kane after he bought me breakfast and is letting me stay here, I make myself useful and wash the few pots in the sink. A door slams, making me jump. I turn around to Kane, dropping groceries on the dining table.

“Did they drop you off?” His nostrils flare as steel eyes bore into me.

“Yes. I made some friends at the lake and they gave me a ride home.”

He corners the large oak table and grips my wet wrists holding the dishcloth and brings his face next to mine. He’s so close. Too close.

I swallow. My breath halts while he has me like this.

Leaning in, he runs his nose against my neck, sending a flurry of tingles across my skin. He smells me, moving up to my hair, sniffing me like a feral dog in heat. “You’ve been smoking. Did you take their shit?”

My eyes widen. Unable to speak, I stutter. Of all the different foster parents I’ve had over the years, I’ve never been afraid to answer back and tell them to go to hell, and I’m not about to change a habit of a lifetime. I swallow again, shifting the lump lodged in my throat. “It was only a toke.”

He twists my wrist. “Don’t you ever take anything from them. You hear me?” He doesn’t shout. With the authority in his tone, he doesn’t need to. Paired with the tightening grip on my wrist, his message is loud and clear.

“Okay, okay.”

He stares into my eyes, breathing heavily, his nose almost touching mine as he dips his head, locking me into a trance. I inhale his scent, a mixture of wood, sweat and his own brand of the good stuff. Maybe they are rival dealers.

“Did they touch you?” he says with pain in his eyes.

“No.”

His grip tightens as if trying to squeeze the truth from me.

“Okay. You’re hurting me.”

He steps back and lets me go. “They’re not your friends. I want you to stay away from them and I don’t want to see them on my land.” His tone still demanding authority.

“All right. Got it.” I chew on the inside of my cheek. Is it weird that I actually liked him telling me off? It’s almost like he cared for my welfare. Although it’s probably nothing to do with me at all and some deep-rooted family rivalry or something, but it still felt nice.

“Give me your phone.” He holds his hand out as though I’m just going to hand it over.

I pinch my eyebrows together with a huff. “You’re not taking my phone. I’m not twelve.”

His lip curls in the corner. “I’m just gonna add my number.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah.” I hand my phone over. Belle nudges my leg, distracting my attention.

“Next time you want a lift home, you call me. You hear?”

I bend down, ruffling Belle as I nod in agreement. He pulls his phone from his pocket and sits both phones on the worktop, adding his number. I don’t know why he didn’t just let me do it. I could have done it in half the time.

He gives me the phone back. “I bought a few different things for dinner. I wasn’t sure what you liked.” He gestures to the bags on the table behind him.

“Thank you. I like anything, really.” Beggars can’t be choosers. I unpack the bags and smile at the box of chocolate coco pops. “Are these for me or you?”

He runs a hand through his dark waves and gives me a half smile with a shrug of his shoulder. When he smiles, the wrinkles around his eyes are present, hinting at his age and all the stresses of life.

“I’ll cook us something if you like.” I spot chicken in the bag and some wraps. “Fajitas?”

“Sounds good. I’m gonna take a shower.” He hesitates before leaving me alone like he wanted to say more or do more. There’s no denying he’s intense, but I’ll take him any day over some of the father figures I’ve had. There’s something about the way he looks at me, his grey-blue eyes filled with love. Even when he was scolding me. It’s clearly the love he felt for my mum. It’s foreign to me, but now I’ve had a small taste, I want more.

My heart thuds against my ribs as a car tears up the gravel drive.

Kane shouts from halfway up the stairs, “Who the fuck’s this now?”

“I’ll go,” I yell as I rush to the door before he does, thinking it’s the boys again. They wouldn’t come down to the house though, would they?

OceanofPDF.com

6

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

I glance out the window to see my mate Dominic’s Range Rover towing an old Fiesta. Vi’s already opened the door. Belle darts out, circling the cars.

“Hey. Is Kane around?” Dom says before he catches sight of me in the doorway. His tattooed hands give Belle a ruffle behind the ears.

“Hey, Dom. How’s it going?” I walk over towards his car with a busty redhead sitting in the passenger seat. I point towards Vi. “You remember Alison?”

He nods, then his brother, Dan, steps out of the Fiesta. “Hey, Kane.” He gives Vi a once over. That’s just him, always in sleuth mode.

“I’m Letty.” She smiles and waves her hand.

“She’s Alison’s daughter. She’s staying with me for a while.” I raise my voice so Dan hears, but he’s still scrutinising her, probably wondering if I’m fucking her or not.

“I remember. I’m sorry about your ma, lass,” Dom says.

“Thank you.” Violet hugs her body. The sun sets over the fields, making way for the chilled night air.

“Violet go inside.” Trouble tends to follow these two. There’s only one reason they’re here with a girl and car in tow and it ain’t for afternoon tea. They need my help, though Dom’s a decent mechanic, so I’m a little confused about why he’s brought the car here. Unless he needs to hide it for a while.

I nod toward the door. “Violet.”

She gives me an eye roll. “I’m fine.”

Dan smiles. “Pretty damn fine, if you ask me.” He gives her another once over. He’s good at reading people and finding out as much information as he can.

“Thanks.” Vi shuffles on her feet with a nervous giggle. Is she flirting?

I glare at Dan. He wants to gauge my reaction and get a rise out of me. Dom’s older brother has always been the same with the three of us. He might be an annoying fucker, but he’s always had our backs like a big brother to all of us.

I clear my throat, focusing back on Dom. “What’s the problem, Dom? She broke down?” Dom and I walk around his Range Rover to pop the bonnet of the Fiesta.

“Something like that.” He digs a tin of baccy from his jeans and offers me a smoke.

I take it between my lips, flick my lighter, and inhale on the roll-up. “Since when do you need me to fix your girlfriend’s car?”

A curvy redhead opens the door, slipping out of the leather seat. “He’s not my boyfriend,” she says, looking every bit fiery as her hair in the setting sun.

“Yet.” Dom lets the tendrils of smoke curl from his lips with a smirk. “I could fix it, but I don’t have the time or space at Dan’s place to give it a thorough overhaul.”

“Dan, flip the bonnet,” I say, rounding the Fiesta. “What sound does it make?” I grip the roll-up between my lips while I inspect under the bonnet.

“The engine won’t turn over. Looks like someone messed with the distributor cap.” Dom flicks ash onto the gravel.

The redhead moves between us. “I’ve had problems with the battery for a while. I was meaning to get a new one.”

Dom gives me a look. Knowing Dom and Dan’s line of work, it’s likely someone has tampered with the car. I’ll need to give it a full MOT.

“Can you leave it with me, and I’ll strip it down?” I stub my smoke out under my boot.

“Sure. I wouldn’t trust her with anyone but you, Kane.” He pats my back and I untie the tow rope with Dan’s help.

“Nice to meet you.” Vi must have got bored already as she walks back to the house. “Come, Belle, let’s go inside.”

Dom hands me the keys. “She’s all yours. Just call me when you know what’s what. She’s more trouble than she’s worth, but Poppy won’t part with her.”

“I know the feeling.” I clench my fist around the keys. Glancing back at the house, Vi’s purple hair brightens the kitchen window and I can’t part with her either, no matter how much trouble she causes.

* * *

I’ve got used to finishing work in the barn or garage and coming inside to the smell of her cooking these last few days. We’ve settled into a routine. One that suits us both. She stays here rent free in exchange for keeping the house clean and cooking. I’m not one for saying a woman’s place is in the kitchen, but it’s nice having someone take care of me in that way. Most girls that show up here do little around the house, although some have tried. But since Ali, I’m not the settling down sort of guy.

Tonight she’s cooked steak with potatoes and green beans. “Thanks Vi.”

She places the plate down in front of me as I sit at the kitchen table. Then she sits across from me, giving me the once over like she always does when I’ve stepped out of the shower. Damn, every time she looks at me like that, something stirs deep in my groin. Something that’s been dormant for a long time. I can’t go there with her. I shouldn’t even want to go there, but my dick wants what it wants.

I push the thought away and the serpent that tempts me each time I’m around her. Since the day she showed up on my doorstep, I’ve tried to keep my shit together for her. For Alison. For myself. I’ll be damned if I ruin this father daughter relationship we’re building. At least that’s what I’m trying to give her. Something stable in her life, compared to all the other failed attempts over the years.

“I got a job today.” She beams at me with the proudest smile on her face.

I drop my fork, clattering against the plate while I chew down the perfectly cooked medium-rare steak. “Where?”

“The supermarket in town.”

“I told you not to drive your car until I’ve fixed your belt.” I scowl at her for defying me. “Why didn’t you say you needed a ride? You could have borrowed the Ranger or I would have taken you.”

“It was only into town. My car made it all the way here, didn’t it? I figured a few miles there and back wouldn’t hurt. And you were busy in the barn.”

“You should have still told me you were going out. What if something had happened to you?” Since seeing the Bennett brothers drop her off the other day, it’s only natural that I want to protect what’s mine. I may not be her family, but it's my name on her birth certificate. She’ll always be mine.

“Sorry. I didn’t think. I wanted it to be a surprise, that’s all.” She moves the food around her plate. Her beaming smile swapped for a frown.

“I am surprised. You don’t have to work there. I can support you.”

“I’m eighteen. You won’t want me here forever. I need a way of earning some money of my own.”

I shovel a forkful of potatoes into my mouth and nod in agreement. I can’t keep her locked up here with me forever, as much as I’d like to keep her safe. She’s probably more wise to the ways of the world than most grown women. Another crack to my heart when I think of her struggles. Guilt weighs heavily on my chest, making it hard to swallow.

“I am proud of you. When do you start?”

Her beaming smile reappears. “Monday. 8.30am. Do you think the part for my car will arrive by then? And I don’t need you to fix her. I can change a fan belt.”

“Oh?”

“One of the foster placements owned a garage. I used to help. Although, I did more work than his son, who was a paid employee. I didn’t mind. It was the best place I lived.” She sighs at the memory.

“What happened?”

“I got moved because social services found out their son was sleeping with me.” She says it so nonchalant like it’s a natural occurrence.

I drop my fork against the plate again with a clatter, my teeth grinding together at the thought of anyone taking advantage of her. “Did he force himself on you?” I don’t want to hear it, but I need to know.

She freezes. The only movement is her mouth chewing on her steak, her eyes wide as she swallows. “Shit, no. I would’ve kicked his arse. But because he was seventeen, and they classed me as a minor at fifteen, they moved me to another location. I’m sure my so-called friend dobbed us in. She probably fancied him herself.”

I relax my shoulders a little but continue to grind my teeth as she talks about fucking some guy at fifteen. When she comes up for breath, I can’t contain my thoughts any longer. “Your mum wouldn’t have wanted that for you.” Fuck, I didn’t want that for her. The thought of anyone taking advantage of her at such a young age sickens me.

“Well, Mummy wasn’t around, was she? Maybe if I had a loving mother and father, I wouldn’t have lost my virginity at fifteen, looking for someone to fill the void.” She drops her knife and fork on the table and pushes her chair back, scraping the legs along the tiles. When she stands and turns away from me in front of the sink, her reflection in the dark kitchen window reveals her sadness. She’s no longer the feisty woman that was before me, but a little girl desperate to be loved.

My chair scrapes as I stand, too. I need to comfort her. If not for her, but for my own retribution. Tentatively, I place my hands on her shoulders.

She lifts a hand. “Sorry. It’s no biggie.”

I glance into the window. Rain slowly runs down the pane, making it look as if she’s weeping. As if showing a true reflection of how her heart cries on the inside, but she has to put on this hard exterior.

“You can’t pretend with me.” I move my hand lower to her arm, fighting the urge to swallow her up, taking all her pain away. She sags back against my chest. My chin rests against her shoulder and I catch her scent. The scent that’s purely her. Not the cooking oil and furniture polish. It’s the scent of her body mixed with a hint of fruit from her shampoo.

My lips are close to her neck, itching to press against her skin. Her breath halts and I freeze. Taking another glance at her reflection, our eyes meet in the darkened glass. I stay locked with her for a moment longer, tightening my hold on her and she lets me.

Gazing at Vi through the window takes me back twenty years. I can’t take away Ali’s sorrow. It’s too late for that, but I can take care of this frail girl and give her the love she craves and a life that was robbed from her.

OceanofPDF.com

7

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

Peering into his eyes through the glass reflection, I see something dark. Almost primal. I’m sure I heard a growl from deep in his throat. Any sadness I was feeling dissipated the moment his hand rested on my shoulder before holding me in the safety of his arms. It’s here I feel home for the first time in my life.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say there was some sort of desire in his eyes. It’s silly to think he could want me. I’m a chubby eighteen-year-old. I’m nothing compared to the woman he had here the night I arrived. A curvy woman with long black hair, probably late twenties. High cheekbones and legs for days. I have stumps. Frizzy multicoloured hair and an attitude to boot.

There’s sadness in his eyes, too. Each time I look at him, I see the weariness carved on his masculine face. Does he see my mother in me? Is that the burning desire that’s present? I shake that last thought, because he hasn’t actually made a move on me. If he did, I’m not sure I could resist.

I hold his gaze. He’s too close. With each ragged breath tickling my skin, it tingles in my centre. I could lose myself staring into the darkness; into his deep sable irises and the dark desires that mirror my own.

A crack of lightning flashes, breaking our trance. He lets go of my shoulder, clearing his throat. “Eat your dinner.”

We both resume our positions at the table and finish our meal in silence. Each time thunder rumbles, the hairs prickle on my skin. I shouldn’t have these strange feelings towards my mum’s old boyfriend. He’s basically more than twice my age, but with one touch from his rough fingers against my skin and I’m like a toasted marshmallow, burning up on the outside with a gooey centre.

I wash the pots and he opens a beer. “Want one?”

“Sure.” Anything to take the edge off.

He opens another and sets the bottle on the side for me. “Leave the pots on the drainer to dry. Come into the main room. I’ll put a movie on. Your choice.”

My eyes dance with excitement. I never get to take control of the TV. Not here and not ever. Once I had a TV in my room, but that was a rarity.

He sits on the old burgundy sofa and I sit on the opposite end, lifting my bare feet up on the middle cushion between us. With a smile stuck on my face, I take the remote, clicking on the Netflix app.

“Netflix and chill, is it?” He smirks, lifting his bare feet on the coffee table as he relaxes back against the cushions.

I give him a side eye.

“What? That’s what you kids call it, right?”

“I don’t think you understand exactly what Netflix and chill actually means. It has nothing to do with chilling.” I shuffle in my seat, my heart rate picking up a pace as I stare into his eyes.

“What you putting on, then?” He nods towards the TV playing a new series trailer.

I scroll down to the romance section.

“I should’ve known you’d want a chick flick.”

“Well, I am a chick. And I’ve wanted to watch this movie ever since I read the book.” I select the film ‘After’, getting an eye roll from him, but I relish having control of the remote and settle back into the sofa.

It’s hard to concentrate on the TV. I’m just watching him watch the movie. He’s chilled, leaning back against the cushion, almost uninterested so far, knocking back his beer.

When things get heated on screen, he sits up, straightening his back, giving the TV his full attention. My cheeks heat as my heart pounds against my ribs. I wish I’d thought this through.

“Oh, you’re interested now, aren’t you?” My foot digs into his side as I give him a nudge, trying to break the tension in the air between us. I’ve never experienced watching a sex scene with parents in the room, but I imagine it’s close to how I’m feeling now.

He smiles and grabs my foot, tickling the sole. I yelp and wrestle my ankle from his grasp with a giggle. His rough palms against my skin only adds fuel to the fire between my legs. I’ve always been a little weird, but wanting your mum’s ex is beyond freak.

When the scene is over, his eyes fix on me with a heated gaze. “So this is Netflix and chill?” He smirks, rising from the sofa. “Another beer?”

I nod, unable to speak, my heart hammering in my throat. My centre pulses with the need to take care of business. I’m so aroused around him. I can’t go on like this. A flush burns my face, wondering if he can tell what effect he has on me.

He returns, handing me another bottle. Though I’ve only had one to his two. Sitting back in his usual position, he looks at me again. “You didn’t need to pause it.”

“Well, you looked like you were enjoying it a minute ago. I didn’t want you to miss anything.” A giggle escapes me as his smirk turns into a smile and it’s beautiful to see him relaxed and smiling with me. It’s a rare sight when he lets himself go and I get a glimpse of the boy in him. The version of him my mum fell in love with.

We continue to watch the film, but I can’t concentrate fully. My body thrums for his touch again.

He huffs. “What a fucking little prick. She should’ve stayed with that other lad.” He knocks his beer back and I tut.

“That’s such a dadsy thing to say. The other guy was so boring.”

He turns his head. “You like little pricks?”

My lips lift in one corner. “I actually like big ones.”

His eyes turn dark, and his authoritative voice is back. “If any prick touches you, I’ll bust his face in and then spank your ass for letting him. You hear?”

If anyone had said that to me before, I would have had something to say, but I’m speechless. His tone makes me hot and I almost want to rebel just to test if he means what he says.

“Is that what you did with Mum?”

He swigs his beer. “Your mother was a good girl. I was the prick.” He turns to me with a smile playing on his lips. “A big one.”

My breath hitches. Lying on his sofa is killing me. With each look, or brush of his hand, I’m on fire. I don’t think I can sit through another heated scene with him. I may combust. My feet press into the side of his thigh as I shuffle, trying to get comfortable.

“Relax.” He lifts my bent knees, straightening my legs so both feet rest on his lap this time.

Relax, he says. There’s no way I can relax with my bare feet in his lap. His rough hand rests on my shin and I cringe, hoping he doesn’t feel the prickles from a few days’ hair growth where my jeans ride up. The right thing to do would be to remove my body from this couch. I could pretend I need a drink or something or the loo, but I can’t seem to move my limbs.

His thumb circles the bone in my ankle. “For as long as you’re here, I’m gonna take care of you.”

Does he know how much I need taking care of now? He means look out for me. He doesn’t know what he’s doing to me. Or does he?

I shuffle in my seat. The seam of my jeans presses against my sensitive spot, tormenting me each time I move my hips. My foot digs into his lap as I try to get comfortable. I suck in a breath. The sole of my foot presses against a large bulge.

His eyes flare a flash of desire or a warning.

“Are you?” I move my foot just to check it is what I think it is.

He snatches my feet up in his large hands. “Careful, trouble. You keep rubbing your foot like you’re summoning a genie, and I won’t be able to put it back in the lamp.” He grabs a scatter cushion and places it under my feet so I can’t feel his dick, but he can still stroke my bare feet.

The silence crackles between us. He brings the bottle to his lips, taking a sip of his beer, reminding me that my throat’s as dry as a desert.

“I get it, the innocent girl on screen is beautiful,” I say, needing to clear the air, because no matter how much I will it, the ground won’t swallow me whole.

He pauses, bringing the bottle to his mouth. “It’s not for her, petal.”

A flush blooms in my cheeks. It’s for me. I swallow the air because I’ve nothing left in my desert mouth. My voice trembles. “Who?”

He swallows, rippling the ink pattern on his neck. “Er.” His hand scratches the salt and pepper stubble on his jaw. “She reminds me of your mother.” He stares at the screen, unable to look at me.

She doesn’t look like my mother. He must mean her innocence or angelic nature. A complete opposite to me. I try to forget how different Mum and I are. And how, despite my attraction, Kane doesn’t see me the same way.

* * *

The part for my car still hasn’t arrived and Kane insisted on driving me to work and picking me up. The manager pairs me with Yaz. I don’t think she’s cracked a smile yet, but she shows me the ropes. As the day progresses and we stack the shelves for the hundredth time, I can see why Yaz is so grumpy, her mood rubbing off on me.

“How’s your first day going?” Lucy asks, blowing pink bubble gum in my face.

“It’s okay.” I lift a tin of carrots onto the shelf.

“Party at the lake this weekend.” Her pink bubble pops.

Yaz turns to Lucy in her monotone voice. “You mean an orgy at the lake, where girls offer themselves to the mindless fucktards around here who can’t even remember your name because they’re too high.”

“Jealous much?” Lucy blows another bubble.

I can’t help but wonder if Yaz is talking from experience. She gives Lucy a fake smile before pulling her lip ring between her teeth, then walks away, dragging her Dr Martens along the shop floor.

“Jesse asked me to invite you.” Lucy’s long nails tap against the bean tins. “I think he likes you.”

Hairs prickle on my neck. Kane’s voice plays in my head telling me to stay away from them, but I’ve never been one for rules. “I like him too.”

“Great, we’ll see you there, then?” She looks busy when the manager walks down the aisle, then Yaz returns and Lucy goes back to the till.

“What do you do for fun around here?” I ask Yaz.

She looks confused, like the word fun isn’t in her vocabulary. She moves her long black fringe out of her eyes with a flick of her head. “I hang out at the cemetery, summon the odd demon, drink blood and kill babies.” She flashes the first genuine smile she’s had all day, summoning a giggle from me.

“Sounds fun.”

“It’s better than getting fucked over by half the dickwads round here. Here’s my number.” She pulls her phone from her back pocket, reading off her digits as I tap it into my contacts. “When you’re bored with Lucy and her fake friends, call me. I’m usually at the Black Crow.”

“Black Crow?”

“It’s a bar in town. They have live bands on at weekends.”

“Sounds good.” I mull over my plans for the rest of the shift. The club with live music or the lake, with guaranteed sex with Jesse. Tough choice, especially considering I’m desperate for the latter. Not necessarily with Jesse. Anyone will do. If only to stop me fantasising about Kane.

Despite Yaz’s depressing mood all day, I can’t stop my grin when Kane lifts his shades, giving me a smile with his kind eyes. He waits patiently for me in his black pickup, tapping his palm against the steering wheel as Pink Floyd blasts from the speaker.

“See you tomorrow, Letty,” Lucy shouts, giving me a wave. The Bennett brothers drive by in their Land Rover, slowing down for her to climb in, then speed off again.

I open the door to the black Ranger, the smell of him mixed with oil hitting me. His kind eyes turn to ice. His jaw tenses and there’s a twitch in his lip that I’ve never noticed before.

“What’s wrong?” I follow his glare, shooting daggers at the Bennett brothers speeding out of the car park.

“Nothing. Buckle up.” His lip twitches again as he shifts into gear. “Good day?”

I shrug my shoulders. “It was okay. I made a few friends.”

He glances my way with a snarl. “Not that girl who got in the Bennett’s car, I hope?”

“Lucy has been nice to me, but I made friends with a few other girls, too.”

He relaxes, shifting in his leather seat. “Good. I don’t want you associating with that group. You hear?”

“Yes Dad. I hear you loud and clear. You don’t need to keep going on.” I tut and stare out the window.

He breaks sharply at the lights. With his rough hands, he grips my face in a vise, his fingers digging into my cheeks as he swivels my head to look at him. “While you’re living with me, I am your fucking dad, and you’ll do well to remember that.” He lets me go, only to shift into gear and press on the accelerator. “Nix with the attitude.”

“Okay. Soz.” I roll my eyes.

He side eyes me. “Soz what?”

“Da-ad.” I draw the word out, emphasising each syllable.

He chuckles. “That wasn’t what I meant, but it will do.” His backside lifts off the seat as he slips his fingers into his back pocket, then pulls out a key. “Here. You’re gonna need your own key.”

“I thought you didn’t lock the door. Nobody dare touch my stuff and if they do, Belle will have their hand off.” I mock his voice.

“I lock up at night.” He shifts gears, turning onto a country lane, muttering, “Perhaps I should lock you up at night.” His hand holds out the key. “You want the key or not?”

“Yes.” I giggle, reaching for it, but he moves his hand from my grasp, then opens his palm, letting me take it. “Thank you.”

We pull into the drive. My mini isn’t where I left her. I pull my eyebrows together as I scan the grounds. “Where’s my car?”

“She’s in the garage. She needed taking care of.” He gives me another sideways glance with a smirk.

She isn’t the only one. “Thanks, but I could have fixed her.”

“No need. I changed your oil too and replaced your brake pads.”

My eyes grow wide. This man is full of surprises. He may be all moody and mysterious, but now and then I get to see a softer, kinder side to him.

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” My chest warms as tingles course through my belly. No one has ever been so attentive with my car before. Or me. It makes me wonder how attentive he was with my mum. There are so many questions I have buzzing around my head and the more time I spend with him, the more questions pop up.

Little things I never even thought of before, like what she liked to eat, what was her favourite band, favourite movie? Did he watch soppy movies with her?

Despite my never-ending questions, I try not to push it. Each time I mention my mum, his eyes dull. He still carries that pain, almost afraid to let it go because it’s all he has left of her.

He parks the pickup. “You can thank me with dinner.”

Another eye roll, but how can I resist? “I’m gonna check out my car first.”

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8

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

Watching her eyes sparkle when she turns over the engine and hears the old girl purr makes my heart stutter.

“She’s never sounded so good.” She slides out of the mini, throws her arms around me, and kisses my cheek. “Thank you for taking care of her.”

I hold her close for a beat too long. It’s her I want to take care of. I’d wrap her in cotton wool if I could. Lock her in the house and keep her forever.

“Right, I’ll take a shower and then thank you with dinner.”

“Hurry up. I’m starving.” I pat her backside.

She sucks in a sharp breath with parted lips. I quickly remove my hand and run it through my hair. The flush in her cheeks gets my dick’s attention. Thoughts of her flushed in my bed flash through my head. The thoughts disappear as quickly as she does.

Once again, I’m alone with her car, fixing up the one thing that will take her away from me. I shouldn’t be touching her like that. Last night, after a few beers, I let myself touch her in ways I shouldn’t have. Stroking her ankle ended up giving me a semi. I had to pretend it was thoughts of her mother, but Ali never even entered my mind. It was all Vi. We can never cross that line. Having these wicked thoughts of making her mine is only torturing myself. Vi’s just another dream that will never be.

While she showers, I give her car a polish, wanting the old girl to have a full makeover before Vi takes her out again. The flowered vinyls hide a multitude of sins, so I make sure to be careful they don’t peel any more on the edges and show more of the blebbed pink paint job and rust.

The look she gave me when I told her I’d fixed her car was worth spending all day in the garage. I have Dom’s girl’s car to sort, but Dom said there was no rush. When her face beams, my chest lightens and for a moment, I’m that boy again, the person I was before. I haven’t seen him for a very long time. Violet’s able to bring out the best in me from one look, and damn, it feels good.

Wiping down the dash and interior, the glove box drops open, spilling out a few CD cases and school books into the footwell. I place them back into the compartment, then pick up a crumpled piece of torn paper with black ink splotches and scribbles all over it.

Barely sixteen, but the things I’ve seen

Though the experiences I've had weren't so bad

Second best is better than third

And at least I wasn't a nerd

The foster homes weren't much of a drag

As long as I got to smoke a fag

The endless run of losers in my bed

Was to find a prince to love me instead

But they turned out just the same

Using me for their little game

Will I ever find what I've been searching for

A family who will love me a little more

A sister who will always have my back

A brother to fight and playfully attack

A dad to tuck me in at night with a story, telling me to sleep tight

A mother who will teach me to bake and still be there when I wake

My lunch all packed and my clothes all pressed and she even helps to get me dressed

I pray one day it will be me

To have a family to hold dearly

Who will love me most of all

So I can learn to stand tall

I rub the ache in my chest. Since she arrived, I’ve been wanting her, thinking she’s some sort of second chance. She just wants a family. I can be what she needs. I’ll do it for her mother and I’ll do it for her. Hell, I’ll do it for myself too, because I’m a selfish bastard and need to make up for my past. She can be my redemption.

I walk up the stairs for the shower now the water pipes have gone quiet. The bathroom door is ajar. I pull my shirt off, tossing it in the laundry hamper, then step into the bathroom.

A scream pierces through the steam hanging in the air.

I step back against the door. “Fuck.”

Grabbing the nearest towel, she covers herself.

I’m frozen in place, eyes fixed on her body where a small tattoo was on her stomach. She was so quick with the towel I missed what it was. Like a magician, now you see it, now you don’t. Even now she’s covered, I can’t look away.

“What are you doing?” Her eyes wander over my inked torso as they do each time I’m half naked.

“Sorry, Vi. I thought you’d done. I didn’t know you were still in here.” Damn. I should get the latch fixed on this door. That would be the right thing to do.

She glares at me, waving her free hand while the other holds a towel against her body. It’s not big enough to wrap around and hangs down her front, hiding all her assets. “You’re still here.”

“Fuck. Sorry.” I turn around and walk out of the bathroom into the hall, closing the door behind me. My head rests against the wall while I wait for her to finish getting dry. “What was that tattoo?”

“Huh?”

“On your stomach.” The smile on my face is telling in my voice.

“Oh. You saw that?” The door opens, and she steps out fully clothed, drying her hair with a towel. “It’s a violet and a book.”

“Why a book?”

Her shoulder lifts. “I like to read.” She walks towards her room and I step into the bathroom for a shower.

She likes to write too, judging by the poem I found. There’s a stack of books boxed up in this house somewhere. I’ll have to make her some shelves and sort them out for her in her room. She’d like that.

After my shower, I can hear the sausages sizzling in the pan, making me hurry downstairs for dinner. Vi stands at the kitchen table, mashing a pan of potatoes. I wrap my hand around hers, taking over the mashing. Her breath halts as I lean in behind her, perhaps too close. But I just want to be near her and show her some love and affection. “This looks delicious.”

My tongue darts out to wet my lips. She thought I meant the food, but my eyes were on her. My posture is as calm as still waters, but underneath the surface, my blood pumps hard through my veins like the rivers swelling into the sea. The fondness I have for this girl overwhelms me. Crashing waves come out of nowhere, eroding my stone heart inch by inch.

We sit down to eat in our usual spot, opposite each other on one end of the large oak table. “I didn’t know you liked books. Although it’s no surprise. Your mum always had her nose in one. If she wasn’t writing, she was reading.”

“Really?” Her face beams, making my chest swell again, knowing I’ve put the smile on her face. “What did she write?”

“Stories, romance mainly.”

“I’ve always wanted to write. I did A-level English Lit.”

I swallow the food rolling round my mouth. “You did A-levels?”

“Yeah.”

“And did you pass?”

“Yeah.”

“So why the fuck are you stacking shelves at the supermarket?”

“It’s a job until I find something else.”

“So what do you wanna do?”

“I dreamed of being a writer as a kid. I always made up stories, but it’s just a pipe dream. Maybe one day I can teach English or something.”

I grab her wrist. “Don’t you give up on your dream. You can do anything you want and if you wanna be a writer, you be a fucking writer.” Hearing her give up makes a vein throb in my temple and I rub the pain there. She has the world at her feet. I’m almost envious, wishing I could go back twenty years and choose a different path.

“Okay. Take a chill pill.” She shakes her hand from my grasp, then forks more mash.

“You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it. Your mother was all set to go to Leeds Arts University. She was offered a scholarship for creative writing.”

“What happened?”

“You happened.”

Her face turns pale.

Fuck. I’ve said too much. “She got pregnant with you and it just wasn’t an option anymore. She never went.” I reach over and take her hand. “Hey, she chose that. She was offered an abortion, but she chose to have you. She wanted you.”

Vi takes a drink of her water with a shaky hand. “I just feel like she might still be here now if she didn’t struggle with me. It’s hard to take some of the responsibility. I’m partly to blame for her hitting the bottle. She must have felt like her life was over.”

My fingers entwine with hers. “You’re not to blame. And you are not responsible for your mum’s actions. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I wasn’t around and I should have been here to take care of both of you.”

“You were in the army?”

It was a question more than a statement. I nod. “Eat your dinner before it goes cold.” I sigh, running a hand over my face. It’s a lifetime ago now. I rarely go back there. Vi being here is forcing me to face my past and the demon in me I tried to forget.

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9

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

I desperately need to buy some new clothes. What little clothes I have in my wardrobe are out of date or too small. Deciding on the goth club that Yaz suggested, I pull out the only thing I own that’s suitable. It’s an effort pulling on the black tights, wiggling them over my arse that must have doubled in size since I last wore these.

Black denim shorts keep the tights in place and stop them from rolling down. I sling my black leather jacket over a black vest top tucked into the shorts. The zipper on the jacket is useless with my boobs, but it's the best I’ve got.

At the bottom of the stairs, I step into my black boots, then pop my head into the living room. “See you later.”

Kane drops his feet from the coffee table and stalks over to me, giving me a once over from my streaked hair to the black boots covering my toes. “Where you going?”

“I told you, I’m going out with some friends from work.”

“I know that, but. Where. Are. You. Going?” He leans in as he speaks, making sure I understand him this time.

With a cocked hip and arms folded, I roll my eyes. “I’m meeting Yaz at the Black Crow.”

He turns to the TV with the remote in hand, turning it off. “Why didn’t you say so? I’ll drive.”

“What?”

He grabs his keys from the kitchen worktop, guiding me out the door with his palm pressed against the small of my back. “Get in,” he orders, unlocking the Ranger.

“Thanks.” I was gonna drive myself, but seeing as he offered, I’ll be able to have a drink.

“Who’s Yaz?” The questions start as we pull off the gravel driveway.

“She’s a girl I work with. She invited me.” I shoot a text to Yaz, telling her I’m on my way.

“Who else are you meeting?”

“I dunno. Her friends. People do have friends, you know. You should try it sometime.”

It doesn’t take long to arrive outside an old traditional country pub with a rusty swing sign hanging above the large door.

“Shall I call you when I want picking up or what?”

Kane parks the ranger. “No need. Just come and tell me.” He gets out of the vehicle with a smirk on his face.

I jump down and slam the door. “I don’t need a chaperone.”

“Never said you did. I’m gonna have a drink with friends. I have friends, you know. I’ve just been busy looking after your ass.”

The Ranger beeps behind me, locking the doors and he strolls up to the wooden door and opens it for me. I give him a side eye as I walk through, clenching my back teeth. There are two doors left and right. The traditional layout, one side being more quiet and the other for the live band with a drum kit in the bay window.

“Glad you came,” Yaz shouts from a square table off to the side.

I give her a wave and signal to the bar with a pretend drink in hand.

Kane’s already there. “What you having?”

“Strawberry Daiquiri, please.”

Kane laughs along with the bartender.

I pull my eyebrows inwards. “What’s so funny?”

“You city folk. You won’t get that round here.” He turns to the bartender. “Pint, mate, and she’ll have half a lager?”

“Fine.”

“Add a shot of blackcurrant in there too, mate.”

I tut. “I’m not twelve.” Muttering a painful thanks, I grip my drink and walk to Yaz’s table.

She actually smiles at me, along with two other girls and three guys, all dressed for a funeral. With the cobwebs in the corner of this place, they fit in well.

“Letty, this is Chlo, Teirney, Marcus, Charlie, and Toby.” She points to each person as she says their name and I smile.

“Sup.”

Charlie leans over the table, whispering, “Did Kane Harding just buy you your drink? He never buys anyone a drink. He must be after something.”

Yaz kicks him under the table, bugging her eyes at him. “It’s her dad, moron.”

He spits his beer back into his pint. “Shit. I meant no offence. Please don’t say I said anything.”

“Okay, let’s get one thing straight.” I use Kane’s own words. “He’s not my dad.”

Everyone freezes, glaring at me. “He’s your boyfriend?” Yaz asks.

“Fuck, no. I’m just staying at his place for a while.” I glance over my shoulder at him by the bar, nursing a pint with his eyes of steel, watching my every move. Sticking my tongue out, I give him the finger, making him unfurl his lips before he walks away through a back door.

Chlo slaps my hand down. “Don’t get him angry. I don’t want him coming over here.”

“He’s harmless enough.”

They give each other a knowing look. “I heard, he kills anyone who double crosses him and chops up the bodies with the bandsaw in his workshop,” Marcus says to Chloe, then laughs, mocking her.

“I heard he moved away and his wife died of a broken heart,” Tierney says, placing her hand on her chest. “It’s quite a tragic story.”

“Everyone knows his wife was screwing someone else, and he killed him,” Toby says.

I shake my head. “You’re all mad. He’s never even been married.” With a giggle at their ridiculous gossip, I sip on my lager, thankful that Kane added a shot of blackcurrant. “He’s kind of like an uncle if you like, or a godparent, but we’re not related.”

The place fills around us. Charlie, Marcus, and Toby finish their drinks and stand.

Toby pulls a pair of drumsticks from under the table. “Better get this show on the road.”

“Wait, you’re the band?” Charlie winks at me, Marcus kisses Chlo, and they head to the large bay window which is set up ready for them with a banner at the back saying ‘The Deadbeat Punks’ in a jagged black and red text. I should have guessed.

The room isn’t huge and all the tables are full with everyone else standing around the bar with drinks in hand. Yaz gets another round as the music plays. Charlie, the lead singer, is good. His dirty blonde hair drops in front of his face, his hands wrap around the mic while his guitar hangs to his side. It’s a mix of heavy metal and punk rock.

After two songs, the once fairly quiet room is alive. The sunset bathes the room in an atmospheric glow. Another round of drinks and a natter with the girls, and I need the loo. Yaz points to the back door and I fight through the crowd, making my way out the back, where I last saw Kane.

I step into a quieter room with a crowd of bikers and several pool tables. I squeeze past into a clearing where several guys stand around. The alcohol buzzes in my belly. Hairs prickle on the back of my neck, sensing Kane’s energy before his steely eyes penetrate my skin. A dark-haired man with Kane bends over the table and takes a shot. Another man stands behind him, lurking in the shadows. His tattooed hand scratches his unshaven jaw as he follows Kane’s gaze to me.

Glancing around for a toilet sign, a wolf whistle has me spinning on my boot heel.

“Looking for me, love?” A youngish guy in leathers says.

Before I have time to respond, there’s a loud crack as Kane snaps his pool cue in half. In a flash, he’s digging the jagged end under this guy’s chin.

The room stills. Everyone stands back, scraping their chairs and stools like nails on a chalkboard. The buzzing in my stomach turns to nausea as my blood runs cold. The two men with Kane bristle, ready to have his back.

“What the fuck, man?” the guy in leathers says.

Kane jabs the stick under his jaw, imprinting on his skin. “If you speak to her, touch her, even glance in her direction again, I’ll ruin your pretty face. You hear?”

His Adam’s apple bobs. “Got it.”

“Good.” Kane straightens the guy’s collar on his leather jacket, throws the cue in the corner, and walks around the pool table as if nothing happened. Someone throws him another cue, and he bends over to take his shot, eyeballing me with a look of authority, and my stomach clenches.

After staring at Kane for a beat too long, the toilet sign behind the pool table comes into view. The crowd parts for me as I walk through another door and up the stairs, down a long dark corridor. Finally, I’m able to breathe now away from the crowd. No wonder everyone’s afraid of him, if that’s how he behaves. I could’ve handled that creep. I’ve made it this far on my own.

I step out of the cubicle. My bones jump out of my skin. “Shit, Kane. What are you doing in here?” I huff out a breath as I step around him to reach the sink. “You know this is the women’s restroom?”

He leans against the tiled wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Just checking you’re all right.”

“Of course I’m all right. The only person to be afraid of here is you, lurking in the ladies’ toilets.” I turn the tap on, glaring at him through the old flecked mirror on the wall.

“You don’t need to be afraid of me. That guy needed to know you were with me. Nobody will touch you now.”

“Great. Why don’t you just add a chastity belt while you’re at it?”

“Perhaps I will.” He chuckles and it must be the alcohol, because I laugh along with him. He opens the door. “Can we go home yet?”

“You can go home whenever you like. I’m going to have another drink and a dance.” I barge past him, back down the dim corridor, towards the stairs and through the crowd with my head held high. Even though I can’t see Kane, I can feel his eyes watching me walk away. No doubt holding his pool cue, like Moses holding his staff parting the Red Sea, as everyone stands aside for me.

I kind of like it. The feeling of importance, having some sort of respect even if it is out of fear. My mind wanders back to Mum. I can only imagine this is how she felt when she was with him. And how crushed she was when he wasn’t around. Maybe Mum did die of a broken heart.

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10

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

“All right?” Shane says, jumping off a stool to resume our game.

I chalk the pool cue and take another shot.

Shane runs a hand through his hair, pulling the black curls off his forehead. “You were right. She looks just like her.”

He grew up with Alison and me; we joined the army together. He’s the closest thing I have to a brother, but he wasn’t there when all the shit went down. If anyone can talk me down, it’s him. Shane and Alison always kept me grounded. I sometimes wonder if he’d been there that night things might’ve panned out differently.

“She may look the spit of her, but she has a fucking mouth on her, mate.” I chuckle to myself, thinking of her sass. Though with an upbringing like hers, I can’t blame her.

“A wild child, is she?” Shane’s lip curls in the corner. “Lilly said some chick showed up at your door. I thought it was some old girlfriend.” He lines his cue up, aiming for the black.

“How the fuck do you think I felt? Mate, I thought I was staring at a ghost.”

Shane pots the black, and it’s game over. I lay my cue down on the table and step out back into the open. Shane follows, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. “Smoke?”

I take one from the packet, place it between my lips while I feel my pockets for a lighter. Before I can locate one, red nails flip a zippo. The flame dances in front of Lilly’s luscious lips and I dip my head slightly to light up.

“Sup, Lil?” Did I just say sup? Fuck, I’m sounding like her.

“Got the night off babysitting?” She cocks a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

I inhale a long drag and turn my head so as not to blow it in her face. “Not exactly.”

Lilly runs her tongue along her top teeth, then bites into her red glossy pouty lip. She glides her hand up my t-shirt and leans in to whisper, “So whose daddy are you playing tonight? Mine or hers?”

My dick perks up along with the hairs on my neck where her words float across my skin. A smile spreads across my face; she always knows how to get my attention. “What are you doing here, Lil? This isn’t your style.” I flick my head to the pub, playing some new punk shit.

“Well, seeing as you haven’t returned any of my calls, I thought I’d drop by.”

“A little overdressed for this dive, aren’t you?”

“I’m sure you can remedy that.”

“How did you know I was here?”

Shane shrugs his shoulder, stubs out his cigarette, and walks back into the bar, patting me on the shoulder as he walks by.

“You miss me, then?” I take another drag before stubbing it out on the brick.

“You know I do.” Her pouty lips are crying out to be kissed. If anyone can relieve some of my sexual tension, it’s her, but there are too many people hanging out in the smoking area for me to do the things I want with her.

“Come on.” I take her hand, leading her around the side of the building through a break in the bushes that leads towards the car park. The music carries through from an open window, reminding me to be quick. I don’t want to leave Vi on her own for too long.

Smoke catches in my nose as I step through the gap in the bush and a giggle has me turning my head. A cloud of smoke surrounds purple and blue hair.

“Vi.” The word leaves my lips in a rumble.

She spins around and stubs out her smoke under her black boot.

Some young punk with long black greasy hair dips his head. “Shit. You know him?”

“Mate, it’s her uncle or dad or something,” a blonde kid says.

“Sup, Dad.” She smiles, then giggles again with hooded eyes. Fuck, she’s stoned.

“Wait. That’s your fucking dad?” The greasy kid’s face pales.

“He sure acts like he’s my dad. So he may as well be.”

“And don’t you forget it, punk.” I snatch a small clear packet sticking out of his denim breast pocket. “What’s this shit?” I wave the bag of weed in front of his face. “You been dealing?”

“N…n…no. It’s not mine.” The punk holds his hands up, looking like he’s about to piss himself. I couldn’t care less what shit he’s pedalling, but when my girl’s involved, it becomes a problem.

Two more giggling girls come from behind a bush with a bottle in hand. They stop laughing when they see me. “Shit.” One girl spins around and walks away. The tall dark-haired goth straightens her back and walks over.

“Yaz, have you met my dad?”

Her eyes widen, glancing between us.

“In the car,” I growl.

Vi giggles again. “He’s so bossy.” She straightens when she sees Lilly behind me with folded arms and a cocked hip. “Are you my evil stepmother?”

Lilly polishes her nails against her black dress, looking uninterested in this kid’s bullshit. “Sweety, if I wanted a teenage brat, I’d have kids of my own.”

I give Lilly a shrug, silently bowing out of our little rendezvous.

“When you’ve ditched the daddy daycare, call me.” She spins on her stilettos, back through the bushes.

“Oops. Soz.” Vi hiccups with a lift in the corner of her mouth.

I grip her arm, dragging her to the Ranger. That’s the second time she’s cock-blocked me. “You’ve just embarrassed me and yourself. I should take you over my knee.”

Her breath halts. She turns around, backing up against the Ranger. “You embarrassed me. I’m eighteen. Not twelve.”

I cage her in. The stench of weed in her violet hair fills my nostrils. Her chest heaves in front of me. Her big tits pouring over her scrappy vest, confirming she is in fact a woman, but the way she acted all silly with those kids is not how I want my woman to behave. “Then fucking act like it. Instead of going all doe-eyed for that greasy punk.”

The wrinkle between her brow appears, and it’s the cutest fucking thing. “Are you jealous?”

I straighten my back and crack my neck. “In the car. Now.”

She huffs and climbs in. Her ass in my face as she hoists herself into the Ranger, tempting me to swat it. I slam her door once she’s in and stomp round to the other side. The engine roars to life as I accelerate, needing to let off some steam.

We pull out of the car park in silence with only the headlights to guide us under the dark veil of night, weaving down the country lanes back to the farmhouse.

“I’m not jealous of some punk kid, and I’m certainly not bothered who you hang out with as long as it’s not the Bennett brothers. But I am bothered about you smoking shit from people you don’t know, losing control and letting your guard down. You could end up drugged, raped, and pregnant.” The words lodge in my throat, along with a bitter taste.

“Chill out. It was just a spliff that Yaz got from a guy she knows in the band. Nobody was trying to drug me or rape me. I’m not that lucky.”

The tyres skid on the gavel as I brake sharply in front of the house. I grip her face between my finger and thumb, digging into her cheeks as I twist her head to face me. “You think being raped is a joke? You’ve never begged for your life as three guys take turns until you can’t stand, let alone walk.”

Her eyes pool, and I realise my hand is trembling. I let her go, get out of the truck, and walk into the house. With my vibrating hand, I grab a beer from the fridge. My reflection in the kitchen window stares back at me full of judgement. Perhaps that was too harsh, but she needs to know the dangers. Even someone you think you know could turn on you. While she’s in my care, I’ll protect her as best I can.

The door closes. A chair scrapes on the kitchen floor. When I turn around, she’s taking her boots off.

“I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.” Her head hangs low.

“You not got the giggles anymore, then?” I sip my beer, fold my arms across my chest, and study her.

She looks up at me with her hazel eyes. “Just the munchies.” She flashes me a small smile.

I laugh inwardly, pulling a few packets of crisps from the cupboard. “Here, kid. Knock yourself out. I’m going to bed.”

I might not have been there when she was growing up to protect her from the cruelty of this world, but I’m here now. She’ll want for nothing while I’m around.

I can’t keep her on a leash, but hopefully I can convince her to do something with her life. As much as I’ve loved having her around the house lately, her mum would want her to get as far from this shitty town as possible and make something of her life. Travel, study, whatever she wants to do, I’ll support her.

OceanofPDF.com

11

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

The smell of coffee hits me as I walk into the kitchen. A fresh pot on the work surface waits for me just like every other morning. I love how he makes a pot and keeps it warm for me on the machine. As I pour the drink, I wonder if he always did this or if it’s just for me.

I grab the frying pan and make breakfast, using the rest of the blueberries in the fridge before they spoil. Sips of coffee between whisking the batter makes me more alert.

After serving up two plates of blueberry pancakes, I drizzle with syrup, set on the table and pad to the front door to holler for Kane as I do most mornings. I’m not sure if he’s in the garage or the workshop, but when Belle bounds through the workshop door, I know he won’t be far behind.

“Hello girl.” I bend down to ruffle Belle’s black and white fur and dust the wood shavings from her coat.

Kane steps into the house, filling the air with his woody scent. “Something smells good, Vi.”

I inhale him as I stand and I couldn’t agree more. “Breakfast’s on the table.”

He walks through the room, leaving a trail of wood shavings from his boots. Something else I’ll have to clean before going to work. We’ve come to an arrangement these last weeks. I clean and cook in exchange for living here rent free. Although it’s not a bad deal, Kane isn’t that messy and still cleans up after himself.

I follow him into the kitchen and sit at the table to eat my breakfast. He leans against the worktop with his plate in hand, folding it up like a wrap before taking a bite. “So good,” he mumbles, chewing on the purple rolled pancake. “Blueberries?”

I nod and swallow. “I used to make these for this little kid who was living with my foster parents for a while. He wouldn’t eat any fruit or veg, so my foster mum used to get creative and mosh it into his food. Purple pancakes became his favourite.”

“I think purple pancakes are my favourite now, too.” He takes another bite and licks his lips.

A satisfied smile spreads across my face like Belle when he gives her praise. I walk over to the sink, next to where Kane stands and run my finger over the dripped syrup on the plate, scooping up the last of the sugar. He catches my wrist as I bring it to my lips and he smothers the gloop with his mouth.

I suck in a breath, my finger warm against his tongue as he licks the sugar from my pad. Heat pools at my centre, creeping up my neck, making me itch.

Our eyes meet. He releases my wrist and clears his throat. “Sorry. I just couldn’t resist.”

I swallow the rest of my coffee, now cold, dousing the ball of fire rising from my belly. “Next time, I’ll put more syrup on yours.” I take his plate, trying to act all nonchalant, as if my finger in his mouth didn’t just set my knickers alight.

“I have a sweet tooth.” His lips curl into a smile, and I think my underwear has fully disintegrated. The throb in my centre each time he looks at me is becoming unbearable. I want him to annoy me, so I won’t want him so badly. I need to let off some steam. It’s been so long. I should just rub one out, but I have to get to work.

“Leave the pots. I’ll wash up. You get ready for work.” He rolls his sleeves up and our fingers touch as he takes over at the sink, reaching for the dishcloth.

A surge of electricity shoots through my limb and I jerk my hand away. “Thanks.” I can’t get out of the kitchen quick enough, before he notices how uncomfortable he makes me. I shouldn’t want my mum’s ex boyfriend. But the heat between my legs doesn’t care about that.

* * *

“You missed a good night on Saturday,” Lucy says, chewing on her pink bubble gum.

I glance at Yaz, knowing our own evening was eventful, to say the least. “Yeah, sorry about that. I went to the Black Crow to watch the Deadbeat Punks play.”

She rolls her eyes. “The weirdo’s you mean.”

Yaz hears, but doesn’t retaliate, just quirks a smile and carries on stacking the cereal boxes on the shelf, bopping her head to the music playing in her earphones.

“Are you going to the party this weekend at Marie’s house? Her parents are away.” She blows a pink bubble between her lips.

“I’m not sure. I was gonna sacrifice some chickens with Yaz and her friends. They have this whole ceremony planned where they’re gonna initiate me into their cult.”

Lucy’s bubble pops and hangs from her lax jaw.

A giggle escapes. “I’m kidding. Of course I’ll come. Send me Marie’s address and the time.”

Lucy claps her hands together. “Oh, Jesse will be pleased. He wanted me to bring you.”

My stomach flips. “Really?”

“Yeah, shall we pick you up?”

“No, no. I’ll get an Uber or something.”

“An Uber?” She laughs like I’ve just suggested riding there on a winged-back horse.

“Don’t they have Uber’s in this town?”

“One taxi firm, yes, but you usually have to book weeks in advance for a weekend.”

“Okay. I’ll sort something out.”

* * *

Lucy was right. I would have had more luck getting to the party on the back of a unicorn than getting a taxi in this small town. The only thing for it is to drive myself. I walk down the stairs in my deep purple skater dress, looking for my boots near the back door.

“Where are you going?” Kane stands in the doorway, his hands in his denim pockets.

“A friend’s house. Marie. I told you.”

“And where does Marie live?”

I roll my eyes and huff. “Blackwell Lodge, Derwent Road—”

“The big house on the Blackwell estate?” His fingers scratch the scruff on his jaw.

“Not a clue. I’m just going to follow the directions on Google maps.” I slip my black boot on and tie the lace into a bow.

“I’ll drive you.” He pulls the keys from his pocket.

I glare up at him while I pull on the other boot. “You’re not staying.”

He laughs. “Awe, why not? You embarrassed to be seen with an oldie like me? Don’t want me crashing your little party with your little rich friends?”

“After last weekend, no. You are definitely not taking me.”

“Well, after last weekend, I think I should take you.”

“Do you not want me to have any friends in this town?”

“Come on. I’m fucking with you. I won’t embarrass you with your friends.”

I stand up and walk towards the door. “Promise?”

“Promise. Get in the truck.” Kane jumps in and starts the engine.

“Do you know where we’re going, or do I need to open Google maps?” I climb in and turn the music up, blasting out Nirvana.

He turns it down as we drive along the dirt road. “I know where I’m going. It’s on the other side of the lake, up the hill. A big white building. Your friend’s parents own a few estates around here.”

I’m not surprised. Marie always looks down at me. Lucy says she’s like that with everyone. Normally, I wouldn’t entertain people like her, but this is the second time Lucy’s asked me out with her friends and If I didn’t come tonight, I fear she’d stop asking and I’d fall off the radar.

“You call me when you need a ride back, okay?”

“Thank you.”

“Do you have plenty of charge on your phone?”

I glance at the phone in my hand. “Yes.”

“Be careful how much you drink. If you need me, just call.”

“Okay, chill, Dad. I have been to a party before.”

His fingers grip the steering wheel. He growls, changing gears as we ascend a steep hill. The house comes into view as we turn a corner. Kane wasn’t joking when he called her rich. Driving through open iron gates, cars and trucks line the grass verge. Party decorations litter the porch and the windows, and a screeching pop song pierces my ears, making me cringe.

Kane parks in front of the house and lights a cigarette. “This what you kids are listening to these days, huh?”

“No way. I’ll have to educate Marie on her taste in music.”

Kane scans the property as if looking for someone, but thankfully, the Bennett brothers aren’t here.

“Thanks for the ride.”

He lets the smoke curl from his mouth. “Don’t you go taking anyone’s shit. You hear?”

“Loud and clear.” I huff as I open the door.

“Here.” He opens the glove box. “There’s a few roll-ups in the tin. If you’re gonna smoke shit, make sure you smoke my shit. At least you know what you’re smoking.”

My eyes widen as I take the small tin from the glove box. “Thanks. You’re actually pretty cool for an old man.”

The cigarette hangs from his lip. “All right, beat it before I change my mind.”

I slip out of the Ranger and walk up the steps to the porch. Whispers line the entrance of the house, no doubt talking about me and my ride. The door’s open so no need to knock, but before I enter, I give Kane a wave as he drives back down the driveway.

“Letty, you’re here,” Lucy shouts over the music. She walks from the living room to the kitchen, linking her arm with mine. “Let’s get you a drink.”

“Who are all these people?” I whisper.

She waves a hand, grabbing two cans of cider from the fridge. “Just some locals and some friends from college.”

Marie walks into the kitchen with Max’s arm draped over her shoulder.

“Nice house.” I smile and sip my can.

“Thanks.” She doesn’t seem that happy to see me and barges past me towards the fridge.

Max leans against the door jamb watching me with a glare, his arms folded across his broad chest.

I take another sip of the flavoured cider. “What’s your problem?”

“People round here won’t appreciate you bringing your dog onto their property.” He pulls his brunette hair from his eyes, intensifying his gaze.

I shift on the spot, halfway between embarrassment and outrage, my face screwing up as I chew on his words.

“Max. It’s her dad.” Lucy stares at him, shooting a knowing look.

He rolls his eyes as if he’s bored now, and Marie hands him a beer.

Jack and Jesse stroll into the kitchen. Jack pats Max on the back, then ruffles his hair up, and Jesse places the crate of beers on the counter.

“You two fuckers are late. What took you so long?”

“Just working late at the boat hire.” Jesse looks between Max and I. “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing, just telling your girl here not to bring her dog on our property?”

I fold my arms across my chest to match his stance and step forward with my chin jutting out. “Don’t worry. I won’t do it again because you can all get fucked.” I move to step around him, but he blocks the door.

Jesse circles my waist, his breath fanning my neck as he holds me from behind. “Hey, hey. Take no notice of him.” He stares at Max. “Max is gonna apologise and we’re all gonna have a drink and enjoy the party. Right Max.”

Max tenses.

“Max,” Jack’s voice commands an answer.

Marie hands the boys a beer. “Come on guys, lighten up.”

Max rolls his eyes. “Whatever. You two fucks can play whatever game you like. Just leave me out of it.” He walks into the other room, with Marie following behind.

Jesse releases my waist. “You good?”

I nod and take another sip of my drink and the boys get distracted with some other guys.

Lucy stays close by. “Ignore Max. He can be moody sometimes.”

No kidding. “You know Kane isn’t actually my dad.” From the thoughts I’ve been having about him recently, it’s a good thing too. I can’t help but be a little envious of Mum bagging herself an army guy who’s so hot he melts panties just by standing close. I wonder if he was always this hot, but judging by the photo I study every time I walk into the living room, he was just as scorching then as he is now.

“Hello, earth to Letty.”

“What? Oh.” I giggle and take another drink.

“Girl, where did you go?” Lucy hooks her arm through mine and we wander around the house. She chats to a few people and introduces me, but nobody holds a conversation with me. I cock my hip and lean against the wall, thinking a trip to the cemetery to sacrifice a few chickens sounds appealing right now. I’m sure I would have even had more fun staying home with Kane, however torturous that is when we’re sitting next to each other on the sofa.

The music changes to some dance anthem and a few girls dance in the centre of the living room. Major cringe. Although it is offering some light entertainment. Yaz was right, Lucy’s friends are a bunch of dickwads and not really my people, despite Lucy being a nice person and inviting me.

I drink the last of my can and can’t face another fizzy drink. I’m already bloated from the last four and the thought of hanging out here being ignored by everyone except Lucy and the odd smile from Jesse is wearing thin. “Lucy, I’m gonna take off.”

She spins her head around with pinched eyebrows. “Already?” She signals to Jesse, who has kept one eye on us all night while he’s been doing the rounds with all his buddies. He stalks over, weaving through the crowd. “Jesse, Letty is talking about leaving. Tell her she can’t go yet.”

“Little early, isn’t it?”

I glance at my phone to check the time. If I leave now, I may just get time to have a drink with Kane on the sofa. “I need to go now or I won’t be able to get a lift home.” I lie. I’m sure Kane will pick me up anytime I want. He didn’t actually specify a time.

Jesse moves my hair off my shoulder, grazing my collarbone. “I’ll take you home. I’ve only had two beers.” He slips an arm around me, causing a flurry of tingles.

“Okay.”

He winks at Lucy as we leave and I give her a wave, ignoring everyone else as Jesse guides me to his Land Rover. The night air whispers with the threat of fog as a misty blanket hovers over the hills. Jesse shifts into gear and drives through the row of cars towards the open iron gates.

“Want to go for a drive?” He glances my way with his bright smile that says butter wouldn’t melt.

“Isn’t that what we’re doing? You’re driving me home.”

“I could take a little detour on the way. I don’t have to take you home right now. It’s still early. Nobody will expect you home now, will they? Or do you have a curfew?”

My bottom shifts in the seat and creaks against the leather. “I can stay out as long as I like.”

My stomach tightens each time he looks in my direction. The full beam highlights the top of the hill and our descent as he drives towards the lake. The house disappears behind us as we drive over the rough terrain towards the lake.

He parks in front of the still water, lit only by the moonlight and a canopy of stars. He kills the engine and we sit in silence. I twist my small bag in my hands and feel the tin beneath the fabric. If I’ve ever needed something to take the edge off, it’s now.

As if Jesse can read my mind, he opens his glove box and pulls out a pre-rolled joint. “Smoke?”

“I have my own.” I open the tin in my purse and pull out a small roll-up.

Jesse flicks his lighter, and I inhale, feeling the hit at the back of my throat. I cough, inhaling too much. Jesse lights his own, the cherry glowing red as he inhales.

“So, what’s the deal? He expecting you home soon or what?”

“No, I can go home when I like. I was just bored at the party, that’s all.”

He flicks the ash through a gap in the window, then shifts, facing me. “You should have said we could’ve come for a drive sooner. I could’ve made the night a little more interesting.” His fingers circle the flesh above my knee and tease under the hem of my dress. All the pent up arousal from the last few weeks with Kane pools between my thighs and I worry if he keeps circling my leg, I’m gonna leave a puddle on his seat.

I open the window on my side to flick the ash from my joint. I’d hoped it would make me relax, but the longer his gaze lingers, the more tense my body becomes.

Jesse flicks his head, forcing his dirty blonde hair from his eyes. “You wanna sit in the back? There’s more room back there.”

“Sure.” My voice is a little high pitched as the heat from my belly creeps into my throat.

Jesse jumps out of the Discovery, makes his way around the bonnet to my door, and opens it. With his joint held between his lips, he helps me out, holding both hands. I slide out, both feet crunching the twigs and foliage littered along the ground. He takes the roll-up from my fingers and the one from his mouth after inhaling another long drag, then stomps the butts out under his shoe.

“Relax, Letty.” His hands slide up my dress until they reach the top of my thighs and he squeezes my chunky flesh. My mouth parts with a gasp and he swallows it, covering me with his lips.

He pulls away with a dopey grin and opens the back door. “After you.”

I climb in with trembling limbs, giving him a good view of my full behind, but I’m so desperate to take care of business. I would have probably shagged anyone from that party just to get a release. Anything to stop me from constantly thinking about Kane.

Fuck. Kane. His warning about staying away from the brothers rings in my head like a fire alarm going off. I’m too far into this now. It will be okay. I’ll just take care of this, get dropped off near the house, and he will never know.

OceanofPDF.com

12

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

My phone vibrates in my pocket, letting me know she’s on the move. I open the tracking app that links my phone to hers and watch the dot travel at speed towards the lake. Glancing through the kitchen window, her car’s still parked on the gravel. A pounding in my chest reminds me, there’s only one reason anyone goes to the lake at this time of night. Heat courses through my veins, blood rapidly drains from my head, making it difficult to think rationally.

With no time to spare, I grab my keys and jump in the Ranger, flooring the accelerator. The wheels spin against the gravel, before I take off down the country lane, with nothing but the moon and my headlights leading the way.

My fingers curl tight around the steering wheel. Fear clawing at my insides, the not knowing if she’s gone willingly or not. It’s clear she’s far from innocent; she’s not the introverted girl her mother was. She’s streetwise, fierce and confident, which only makes me more worried. If she has gone willingly, she must know what she’s getting into. The thought of someone else touching her has my stomach tightening.

I dropped her off at the party on purpose, so everyone would see she’s with me. I’m no fool. I know what the town says about me and I let them believe I’m a monster, letting only my close friends see the real me. Nobody would dare touch her. Only them. The ones with a grudge that spans decades. I’ll be damned if I’ve carried her mother’s secret all these years to let them get their grubby hands on her daughter now.

Acid burns the back of my throat, thinking about what they could do to her to get to me. She can’t know the truth and neither can they. My only option is to keep them as far away from each other as possible.

Driving down the long winding hill towards the water, I spot the Bennett’s Land Rover tucked under a canopy of dense foliage from the towering trees, confirming my worst fears.

My foot slams against the brake, bringing my truck to a screeching halt, inches from colliding with his Discovery. Anger seeps from every pore when she lifts her head from the back seat. His smirk is vicious as I corner the vehicle. I yank the back door open and, with both hands, grip his t-shirt, pulling him from her like a wolf protecting its young.

She yelps my name, but her cries muffle with the pounding between my ears. Blood curdles as my body tenses and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to imprint my fist in his face. Instead, I pin him to the side of his car. He knows I can’t touch him without landing myself in a cell for the night, and his smirk is all too enticing.

“In the fucking truck, Vi,” I growl.

She scrambles around the back seat, pulling her dress down.

“Now,” I shout, running out of patience with this smarmy bastard.

“She was begging for it,” he whispers. The saliva in my mouth turns to battery acid and my fist tightens around his shirt where I pin him against the Discovery.

My jaw ticks. Fucking keep it together. If I land myself in a cell tonight, I can’t protect her.

“Her fat pussy was weeping for my dick.” He’s taunting me, knowing I’ll cave at any minute.

I’d gladly kill this motherfucker. Him, and his whole damn family, but I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve spent years controlling my anger after living with the fallout of that fateful night and this little shit isn’t worth me leaving her vulnerable like I left her mother.

“Vi. In the fucking truck.” I release him, dragging Vi from the back seat and hauling her over my shoulder before throwing her down in the passenger seat of the Ford Ranger.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she screams.

The brother folds his arms across his chest, watching me wrestle with her, still wearing the same fucking smirk.

I buckle her in as she fights like a bratty two-year-old throwing a tantrum, then round the pick up and jump into the driver’s side, banging my foot against the clutch and shifting into reverse. The engine roars, climbing through the narrow lane, but the silence between us deafens me, along with the raging throb in my temple.

“How did you know where I was?”

The atmosphere in the cab thickens like smog, clouding my thoughts. Anger rolls from my pores in waves. I can’t look at her. Memories of her mother flash through my mind. It’s like watching her demise all over again. I lived through it once. I can’t relive it.

“Are you going to answer me?”

“I told you to stay the fuck away from them.”

“Well, thanks to you insisting on driving me to the party, Jesse was the only guy who dared to talk to me. You knew that would happen, didn’t you?”

“You disobeyed me.”

“Everyone else might be shit scared of you, but I’m not.”

“You should be.”

She huffs. I pull my eyes from the road as she folds her arms over her chest, forcing her tits higher. “How the fuck did you know where I was?”

The gravel crunches under the tyres, the comforting sound of coming home. Only what I’m about to do brings me no comfort. After exiting the car, I open her door and drag her out the same way I hauled her in.

She pummels my back with her fists as I carry her into the house on my shoulder. “Are you going to answer me?”

I drop her onto the kitchen table. “I put a tracker on your phone. And it’s a good fucking job I did. What do you think you were doing with him?”

She stands, pushing against my chest. “Taking care of business. What else?”

I crowd over her frame. “You would let them touch you, just to get off?”

“If not them, who?” It’s a question aimed directly at me as her hazel eyes search mine for a hint of desire. She must know I crave her just as I did her mum. I push the thought down, along with any ambition of making her mine.

Her bright violet hair frames her scowling face. If I weren’t so damn mad, I might find her amusing. She needs to learn the Bennett brothers are off-limits. If I have to suffer this penance, so does she.

“I should punish you for disobeying me.”

“You know you’re not actually my dad, right?”

I lean in close to her with a growl. “If I were, you’d be feeling my belt right about now.”

Her mouth parts, but there’s a challenge in her eyes. “Do it. Spank me. I dare you.” She's forbidden fruit, but oh, so tempting.

“Don’t tempt me, Vi.”

She leans over the table, pushing her round ass out, ready to receive her punishment. I’ve never struck a woman, and I don’t intend to start now. “I knew you were all talk.”

Unable to take that challenging look any longer, I dig my fingers into her wide hips spread against the table. “All right, you asked for it.”

She pushes her ass against me, and I sink my fingers further into her curves. Her head turns to the side, cheek planted against the oak table. “Wha…what are you going to do?” She trembles, but with a breathy excitement.

Holding her wrists and pressing against her back, I unbuckle my belt with my free hand. “I warned you what would happen if you fucked around with those pricks.”

Her eyes widen, but not with fear. It’s something else. Her body stills as she watches me pull my belt through each loop of my jeans.

“While you’re living under my roof, you do as I say.” I lean over her, my voice laced with disappointment. “You’ve been a bad girl. And bad girls need to be punished.”

She swallows hard, her breathing speeds up.

With my leather belt free, I fold it in half. “I don’t want to do this, but you left me no choice when you disobeyed me.” With a flick of my wrist, the leather strap slaps against the back of her thighs with a light crack.

She jolts under my hand, but doesn’t make a sound, just glares at me with fire in her eyes.

“I had one rule,” I growl as I yank her dress up to strike the flesh of her ass, but pause. She’s bare. I suck in a sharp breath. Soft pink cheeks hold my focus, my fingers itching to caress the smooth skin, not imprint it with my belt. “You went to that party commando?” The words come out hoarse, coated in jealousy.

“No. I left my knickers in the truck. You didn’t exactly give me time to gather my shit.”

My hand moves before my mind catches up and whips the leather over her cheek with a stinging smack, leaving a red mark.

Her body flinches with a yelp.

“You let him touch you?” I crack her again, the sound making Belle bark. Up to this point, I’d hoped his confession was a lie to provoke me.

“Yes,” she says in a breathy voice that only my cock hears. She grinds against the wooden table, wiggling her ass. “I was going to let him fuck me.” She tenses her cheeks for another blow.

With jealousy clouding my head, I strike her ass harder this time, but she doesn’t flinch. “Did he fuck you?” My words come out fast and harsh, but I try to remain calm, even though I’m hanging on by a thread.

As much as I want to kill the motherfucker for having the audacity to think he can touch my girl, I’m not that person anymore, though it’s taking every ounce of strength I have to keep the monster at bay. Another time I wouldn’t have hesitated in ripping his fucking head off.

“No,” she cries out.

A long breath leaves my lungs along with all the pent up rage. “What did he do?” I need to know, even though I don’t want to hear it.

“Touched me.” She tenses, bracing herself as I mark her skin again with a slap to her flesh. Her backside’s red raw from my punishment.

“Where?” I growl.

“Down there.”

I run the leather between her thighs, wanting to erase every touch of his hand and brand her as mine with each laceration on her skin. Lifting the belt coated in her scent, a slick trail shines on the leather under the kitchen light, causing my dick to stir. “Is this turning you on?”

“No.” Her chin sticks out as she grinds her jaw. “Is it you?”

“Believe me, I don’t want to hurt you, but you left me no choice. You need to learn your lesson.” I strike her other cheek and she yelps.

“All right, I’m sorry, you sick fuck.” Her breathy voice pants out the words.

“Language.” I strike her ass again for her potty mouth.

Her eyes plead with me. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

My heart stutters against my chest. Fuck. Hearing those words from her mouth has my cock stirring to life.

She bites her lip, gazing at me. Does she know what she’s doing to me? I’m no longer holding her down. She’s free to move, but she lies against the table in the same position I had her pinned. She pushes back, pressing her ass against my palm, tempting me, but for what, I’m unsure. Another strike of the belt, my hand, my dick?

Tempted to squeeze, I take a step back. One more move of my hand, and I’ll dive into her heat and eradicate every touch from that motherfucker, branding her with my own hand, marking her with my scent, and devouring every crevice with my tongue.

“Get upstairs and take a fucking shower. Make sure you scrub every inch of your body that you let him touch. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night.” I gently pull her dress down over the marks I’ve left on her cheeks.

Shame gnaws at my face, and I look away, facing the kitchen window before she sees my remorse. I’ve never struck a woman before. I’ve never dealt with a bratty teenager before. Pa would always take the belt to me. Tough love, he called it. But it’s guilt I’m feeling now at how I handled the situation. If only she would fucking listen.

I wanted to break her, beat that sass out of her so she would obey and understand that I know what’s good for her, but in doing so, I’ve fractured myself. Now it’s just something else I need to repent for.

The kitchen door slams before footsteps bound up the stairs and another door bangs shut in the distance. I drag a hand over my weary face and stare at my reflection in the dark kitchen window, telling myself this is for her own good and it’s the only tough love I know. And Lord knows I love her and want to do right by her. Ever since she was born, I’ve wanted to atone for my actions.

OceanofPDF.com

13

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

The smell of cooking stirs me awake, and I roll onto my back. The sting on my bottom reminds me of last night, and I wince at the memory. Fucking psychopath. A smile lifts my cheeks, thinking of his fiery eyes, and I can’t help wondering what drove him to it. A secret part in me hopes it was jealousy, but I’m betting it’s his fatherly instinct of needing to look out for me.

I’m not a child. The sooner he realises it, the better. I wonder if he would’ve been as angry had it been anyone else but Jesse. What is the grudge and contempt he holds for that family?

The sun blinds me when I open the curtains, causing me to blink several times. I have the urge to close them again and go back to bed, not wanting to face Kane for round two.

I’m not ashamed or embarrassed and I’m not hurt, but I am afraid of showing him my real feelings. I want him, and I never knew how much until he had me pinned to the table and unbuckled his belt. Want and need pulsed through my centre. A throb more deep than I’ve ever felt with anyone before.

I waited for him to unzip his jeans and take me. Bracing myself for the force of him, but I wanted it. I wanted it all, everything he had raging inside. Disappointment filled the void when I realised that wasn’t his intention, but the excitement in my eyes was unavoidable when I felt the leather drag between my folds and I opened my legs wider, hoping he would replace it with his rough fingers.

The sickly smell of pancakes hits me on the stairs, enticing me to the kitchen. Bacon sizzles in the pan and fresh pancakes are rolled on a plate at my seat. Our eyes lock, but silence crackles between us. I gulp and shuffle on my feet.

He pulls out the chair. “Sit down.”

I roll my eyes and fold my arms over my pyjama top. “I would sit if it weren’t for the lashings on my arse.” In truth, they’re not that bad, but I’m going to milk this guilt trip he’s on.

He sweeps a hand over his face. “I’m sorry.” He spins on his bare heel, walking into the living room and returning with a cushion. His hand pats the fabric after placing it on the seat. “Your Highness.”

I sit, giving a dramatic wince as my cheeks touch base with the cushion. “You get off on hitting girls?”

He glares at me. “I’m many things, but I’m not a woman beater. That was to teach you a lesson, and I’d do it again if it means you’ll stay away from the Bennett brothers.”

“If you want me to stay away, I need a good reason. Not some bullshit about them being idiots. And thanks to you parading me all around town, nobody else dares come near me.”

He corners the table, pinches my cheeks together with his finger and thumb, forcing me to look into his wounded eyes with years of worry and pain etched around them. “They share girls, you hear?” he growls. “And I’ll be damned if they’re gonna pass you around like a fucking joint.” He releases my face, dips down to my eyeline. “I don’t fucking share with anyone. And while you’re living here with me, you’re my responsibly. If you need to take care of business, use a fucking vibrator.”

He makes a sandwich with the bacon, then drops the hot pan into the Belfast sink, causing it to clatter against the ceramic. “Eat.”

I do as he says without question, taking small bites while I mull over his words. Silence fills the air again. The only sound is his chair leg scraping along the tiles when he sits across from me to eat.

They share girls. It makes sense now. I thought I’d imagined that day at the lake. Lucy gets to share them and Marie. Is it just the brothers or their friend or cousin too? My mind races with thoughts of all five of them in some sort of orgy and I cross my legs. I’ve never wanted a threesome before, let alone a fivesome. I’m so desperate for any male attention. It’s been a while since I’ve had an O. Kane’s right. I should just take care of business myself.

“I don’t have a vibrator.” I close my mouth. My cheeks heat, realising I said that out loud. Kane stares at me with a mouthful of his sandwich, and I go back to eating my pancakes in silence, adding a little more syrup. I don’t want to disobey him, but if he thinks telling me this information is going to deter me, he’s sadly mistaken.

The sound of an engine and gravel crunching floats through the kitchen window on the breeze. Kane stands to see who it is. “Wait here.” He stomps towards the door and steps outside.

Intrigued, I wipe my mouth and stand to glance out the window; it’s his friend Shane in a police car and uniform.

“We’ve had a call this morning. The Bennett’s Discovery window was smashed in. They said one of the boys had a run in with you last night,” Shane says, leaning against the car, lighting a cigarette and offering Kane one.

“I caught him at the lake with Violet. I just took her home. Didn’t even touch him, other than crumple his shirt.” Kane flips the zippo and lights his cigarette, taking a long drag.

“They’re saying you smashed the car window. Kane, you know what will happen if you’re found on their property.”

“I was at home all night. Ask Vi, but you tell them not to touch my property, and that includes her.”

Shane nods. “What’s going on with you? You taking her in?”

“I’m just trying to help the kid. It’s the least I can do.”

“Does she know?”

Kane shakes his head, then scans the door and window.

I bob down, hoping he didn’t see me listening in. “She doesn’t need to know about them. I’ve told her enough to keep away from them. So you tell them to leave the fuck alone. You know they’re just using her to get to me.”

Realisation kicks in, and I slide down the kitchen cabinet to a pool on the floor. Of course they’re using me. They have Lucy and Marie to fuck whenever they please. Why would they bother with me? The thought crossed my mind on more than one occasion, but comparing myself next to the two flawless girls, I’m a five at best.

Some deep rivalry is going on and I’m but a pawn in the middle. It’s all I need to know to stay away from them. All Kane had to say was that he’s protecting me from some big secret from their past. Whatever it is, I can trust him. Everyone in this town might think he’s some sort of monster, but I know differently. He’s kind and caring. Even though I rarely see him smile, he’s warm and safe and this is the first time I’ve ever felt at home. I don’t want to jeopardise that by disobeying him.

* * *

Kane’s been gone most of the day. He didn’t say he was going out and took off not long after Shane’s visit. He’s still furious with me, barely giving me eye contact. I want to clear the air and maybe I should apologise. I need to trust he has my best interests at heart. He loved my mother, after all.

I mean, he still carries her picture in his wallet along with some guilt that he failed her. A picture that could easily be me, if it weren’t so discoloured and tatty. He probably hopes he can atone for his sins by keeping me safe. Whatever those sins might be.

From what I can gather, Mum was caught up in this rivalry he had with the Bennett family. So many unspoken truths. My fingers glide along the books in the boxes stacked in my room and I decide to sort them out.

Picking out a few, I find an old copy of Jane Eyre and I lose myself amongst the pages. Having read the book many times before, I know Jane’s struggles all too well. I’ve lived them. My dreams were once of having a family inheritance of my own, or my own Mr Rochester to save me. That was before I learned you have to work hard for what you want in this life. No knight on a white horse will come to save me. The only hope I have is that I won’t end up with the same fortune as my mother, facing death’s black cloak.

A car stirs me from my muse, and I lift off the bed to look out the window. Kane steps out of the car, his biceps bulge as he lifts shopping bags from the back seat. He’s been to the shopping centre. My shoulders slump. I would have liked to go. I curse myself for last night. He’s punishing me still.

His footsteps creek on the wooden staircase. I drop onto the bed on my front as the sound of his boots gets closer.

“Vi?” He knocks at my door.

“Come in.” I don’t look at him and pretend to read, but my heart rate picks up as it always does when he’s close.

The bed dips. I shoot a glance his way as he sets a box and a tub on the bed next to us. “How are you?”

He means how is my ass. “Same as I was this morning.” I’m liking this guilty attention he’s giving me.

He lifts the book to read the cover. “Jane Eyre.” A warm smile reaches his eyes. “Your mum loved this book.”

“Was it her that made all these comments?” I point to the sentences underlined.

‘I am not an angel,’ I asserted; ‘and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself. Mr Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me–for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all anticipate.’

He reads the passage with a wistful smile. “She was right not to expect anything celestial from me. I was the demon that took an angel.”

“How was she so angelic?”

“She was innocent in all things.”

“And you corrupted her?” I squish my eyebrows.

“I loved her.” He brushes the hair back from my face, grazing my cheek with his knuckles. His eyes convey some of the love he had for my mum when he gazes upon me. I feel it tingle from his touch and I hear it with each word he speaks.

“I got you something.” He holds a tub of cream in his hand. “It’ll soothe the sting.” His head nods to my backside, guilt creeping in his eyes as they turn from a warm blue to a dull steel.

I glance between the open pot of cream and him before going back to my book. “Am I supposed to be grateful?”

“I said I was sorry.” He sighs. Rough fingers lift my chin, tilting my head towards him. “Let me make it up to you.”

Seeing the sadness in his eyes stings deep in my chest. I do believe he’s sorry.

His hand gently rests at the bottom of my back, sending tingles up my spine. “Can I see?”

“So you can gloat at your handy work?” I shoot a death stare.

“I want to make it better. Let me rub the cream on. It will take the sting away while it heals.”

My mouth parts and tingles cascade through my limbs. “Fine.” I barely manage the word. It’s more of a breathy whisper. My eyes fix on the book before me, but the words on the page jumble together.

His rough fingers pull down the elastic of my leggings, taking my knickers with them. I lift slightly, allowing them to come down my belly, exposing my cheeks fully.

He dips a finger in the cream and glides his hand over the curve of my ass with the most delicate and gentlest of touches. Like a feather blowing over me in the breeze. “Does that hurt?”

I shake my head, unable to speak, fearing he’ll hear the desire in my voice and the longing for him to move his hand a little lower between my cheeks. If he did, he’d find me soaking wet for him as he did last night, only for him.

He draws more cream from the tub and lathers up the other cheek, massaging gently. “I won’t hurt you again. I’m sorry. But I need you to promise me you’ll stay away from them.”

I want to tell him he didn’t hurt me, not really. I can take a beating and what he gave me was nothing more than a good spanking that I surprisingly enjoyed. But the disappointment in his eyes is what hurt. The sting from my betrayal and disobeying him. “I promise.”

His movements halt when I promise to obey. He lifts the elastic to my clothes and pulls them back over my ass. I risk a glance into his eyes, to find them much like my own, filled with desire and a promise.

“I got you something else.”

My eyes widen as he slides a box towards me. “You got me a gift?”

He quirks a cocky grin, one I’ve missed seeing these last few days. “Open it.”

I sit up on the bed in front of him, forgetting all about wincing and keeping up the charade of my wounded ass. Unwrapping the plain packaging that gives nothing away, my body floods with warmth. The only time I received gifts was birthdays and Christmas and even then, it was out of obligation with no true love or meaning behind it.

Lifting the purple peen shaped vibrator from its casing, a laugh bursts from my lips.

“Now you can take care of business.” His eyes dance with something I haven’t seen before. His smile widens, giving me a hint of the boy he was from a less troubled time.

I hit him across the arm with my new toy, a smile playing on my lips. “I’m pretty sure this is not the sort of gift fathers give their daughters.”

He leans into my ear. “I told you, already. I’m not your father.” His warm breath catches on my neck, sending a shiver straight to my core.

My movements freeze, along with my breath and the only thing I feel is the pulse in my throbbing clit, swelling my lips and soaking my knickers. With trembling hands, I place the purple peen back in its box.

“Will you leave the tracking app on your phone? It will give me peace of mind to know where you are.”

“All right.” It’s not like I have anything to hide. It’s also really nice to have someone concerned about my whereabouts.

“I put a tracker in your car, too.”

“Who are you?” I snort.

“I’m someone who’s been hurt and doesn’t want history repeating itself.” He lifts from the bed with a warm smile and makes his way to the door.

“Wait.”

He turns to face me.

“That business this morning with the police. Did you smash his window? I won’t say anything if you did.”

“How could I? I was here all night.” He jerks his chin and leaves the room. I didn’t hear him last night, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t go when I was asleep. Perhaps it was just a coincidence. People break into cars all the time. I’ve had my mini broken into before. My old girl has been through the wars a few times, much like myself, but we always come back stronger.

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14

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

Belle follows me into the workshop as she does every morning at the crack of dawn. I’ve never been one to sleep in, and I’m thankful when the day comes and the nightmares fade. It’s always the same dream. Ali haunting me. I used to welcome it, knowing it was all I had left of her, but lately they’ve become a torment, reminding me I’ll never be able to fulfil the dreams I had for us, not with her and not with anyone.

Lilly often said she couldn’t compete with a ghost. We had many fights over it and I always choose the easy option. You can’t argue with a ghost. I tried so hard with Lilly to be the man she deserved. She knows all my secrets, and she still wanted me, even though I never deserved her or anyone. But I want to deserve Vi. I want to be the man she needs, a father figure she can turn to. I can do that for her.

I rummage around the workshop, knowing I have some spare planks of oak lying around, and get to work on making her some furniture for her room. It’s been a long time since I did any work on the house and since she’s returned, I want to give her a comfortable space to live. Finally, I have a sense of purpose and something to live for with her.

The door opens and Belle jumps up, wagging her tail. Sunlight shines behind Vi, catching her violet hair, giving her a lilac aura and a calming presence. She steps forward with a plate of her signature pancakes.

“Extra syrup for you.” She raises the plate and the cup of coffee in her hand, then turns to place them on Mrs Walker’s dresser.

“Not on there.”

She freezes.

“Sorry. It’s just that’s a customer’s piece.” I stalk over and take the plate and drink from her. “Thanks.” I balance the coffee on a stack of wood and tuck into my pancakes.

She watches me with a smile on her face, as if watching me eat brings her pleasure.

“Have you eaten, petal?”

“Not yet. I’ll just get some cereal. We only had one egg left.”

No wonder she’s watching me eat, probably salivating over it. “Here, share it with me.”

“It’s okay, you have it. I made it for you.”

I lift the blueberry rolled pancake in my hand and bring it to her lips. “Eat.”

She takes a bite of the syrup coated roll and drips the sugar on her chin. She moans as she chews, and I itch to lick the drip from her face. Instead, I wipe it with my thumb and bring it to her lips. Her hands clasp around mine and she licks the syrup from my pad. It takes everything I have to stop myself from crashing my mouth to hers.

I clear my throat and pull my hand away, turning to grab my coffee. Taking a sip, I burn my tongue, but anything is better than standing in front of her while I get a hard-on.

“What are you working on?” She walks around the bench, looking at the bookcase I’ve started building.

“It’s a bookcase.” I finish the pancake and place the plate on the stacked wood next to my mug, then stand next to her, admiring the piece. “It’s for you.”

Her breath catches as she turns to me. “You’re making me a bookcase?”

I shrug, wiping my hands on my t-shirt. “You sorted the box of books out. I thought you should have somewhere to put them. This desk will go in your room, too. Give you somewhere to work and write if you want.”

She throws her arms around me, pressing her body flush with my chest. My palms slip over her hips and hold her back as she tightens her grip around my neck, whispering, “Thank you.”

Damn, I want to make her happy all the time, keep her safe and give her all the things she’s never had. I’ll make her any damn thing she wants if she holds me like this. I breathe in her sweet scent, floral shampoo and syrup, burying my face in her violet hair, then step away before I get hard. Again. “You can help if you like.”

Her eyes dance with excitement.

“Grab that hammer.”

She helps tap the dowels in place. “Did you make furniture for my mum?”

“No, I wasn’t around much. I was stationed in Iran.” I take the hammer from her and give the dowel a hard tap. “Like that, see?”

“What was your role in the army?”

“I was a mechanic.” I wrap my hand around hers as she hammers in another stiff dowel, showing her how hard to hit it. “Since I was a kid, all I ever wanted to do was fix stuff. Dad and I spent hours in the garage fixing up the Jag.”

“I saw that. What happened to the wheels?”

“Dad kept the wheels off to make it difficult to nick. I just never bothered putting them back on.” I hand her the sandpaper to smooth down the joints. “We can fix it together if you like. She needs a good run out.”

Her eyes sparkle, just like mine would when I was a kid each time Dad let me work on the Jag. “Your dad sounds like a good man.”

“He was the best.” My chest caves, knowing she’s never had that. Sure, my dad tanned my hide a few times, but only when I was a little shit. Playing around the farm machinery before he sold the land wasn’t one of my finest moments. Stuff like that can get you killed, so my dad taught me to behave the only way he knew how.

Her hand absentmindedly sands the wood as she stares off at the workshop wall. “I always imagined I’d find my dad, and he’d be this amazing man that would show me how to do stuff and want to spend time with me. My whole life, all I’ve ever wanted, is a loving family. I always thought my blood relatives would love me no matter what. Blood is thicker than water, right?”

“Blood can wear thin.” I glance up, meeting her eyes as she stops her movements with the sandpaper. “There are plenty of things thicker than blood.”

“Like what?” Her beautiful face scrunches up as if trying to decipher what I’m saying. It’s not something that can be easily explained. It’s something I need to show her, that you can choose the family you want.

My shoulder shrugs. “I don’t know. Oil?”

“You’re saying I should cherish my car more than my family?” She puffs out a laugh. “At this point, that’s not hard. Trust me.”

“Syrup?” I smile along with her, still tasting the pancakes on my tongue.

“Yeah, I’ll take pancakes and cars over my foster family any day of the week.”

She’s laughing, but I can see the sadness in her eyes. I want to be a family for Vi. I want to show her how a parent should behave with unconditional love and security. I may not be able to give her the name of her biological father, but I can be the person she needs.

OceanofPDF.com

15

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

“Do you have any laundry?” I ask Kane, carrying the laundry basket into the kitchen.

He gives Belle fresh water. “I put some washing in last night. I’ll take it out and you can put a load in.”

“It’s all right, I can do that.” I rest the laundry basket on the table and open the door to the washing machine.

He scratches the back of his neck. “Thanks, Vi. You can chuck all my stuff in the dryer.”

“I’ll sort it, don’t worry.” I tap my earpods to resume my music, pull out all the wet clothes and spread them on the oak table to sort through. Kane heads back to the garage to work on the Fiesta. I hang the jeans on the airer to dry, a pair of mine and his, along with a mixture of our t-shirts. My chest tightens when red lace knickers fall from a crumpled t-shirt as I give it a shake.

The same red lace knickers I left in Jesse’s car.

I stare at them, wet against the orange floor tiles, my heart pounding in my throat as if staring at a ghost. He broke their car window. For me. With trembling hands, I bend to examine them more closely, and check I’m not mistaken. Running the fabric through my fingers, they’re the same ones as they match my red plunge bra that I wore that night. The same bra I’m about to put in the washer.

“Everything all right?” Kane’s voice shouts, startling me. I tap my earpods to stop the music. Kane’s back in the kitchen getting a drink from the fridge, a line of concern etched on his brow. “Vi, you’re white as a sheet.”

I gather more clothes from the table to hide the knickers in my hand and bundle it in the dryer. “I’m good. Thought I saw a spider in the washing, but it was a piece of fluff.”

Kane chuckles. “You’re afraid of spiders?”

“Yeah, anything that creeps and crawls basically.” I turn the dryer on and gather the darks from the basket to go in the washing machine. Kane and I have been getting along and I don’t want to have the conversation about finding my knickers. For one, it’s embarrassing that he went and smashed a window to get them and two, I don’t want anything to remind him of that night and bring back all that anger and guilt, not to mention sexual tension.

“You best get used to them. This old house is full of spiders, but you don’t need to be afraid. I’ll protect you.” He guzzles a fizzy can down, then tosses it in the bin.

I tap my music again and try to forget about my knickers, though still stunned that he went to such lengths to retrieve them. Since that night, I’ve been worried about someone finding them and the guys having a laugh at my expense. Anyone would know they were mine, being too big to be Lucy’s or Marie’s.

* * *

After cleaning the bathroom, I take the clothes from the dryer and fold them into piles on the large oak table before taking them upstairs. I drop the laundry basket on my bed, then take Kane’s clothes out and make my way down the landing to his room.

His bed is always made with military precision, and there’s not a thing out of place. I pop the pile of clothes on his crisp white sheets, then Belle bounds in behind me.

“Hey girl, you know you’re not allowed in here.” I ruffle her black and white coat, which just makes her more excited. She jumps up onto the bed, kicking the pile of laundry all over the floor.

“Belle. Down.” I click my fingers as I’ve seen Kane do with her many times, but she just barks, running rings round me. “Bad girl.” I stand in the doorway, ushering her out of the bedroom. “Down.”

She trots down the landing with her tongue out, panting as she goes, and I slip back inside Kane’s room and shut the door. With my hands on my hips, I exhale a long breath, scanning the toppled clothes on the floor. Luckily, there are no paw prints on his sheets saving me from another load of washing.

Dropping to my knees, I pick up the scattered clothes, reaching under the bed for a loose sock straggled next to an old tatty cardboard box. Overcome with curiosity, I slide the box out with a smile, wondering if it’s a kinky toy stash.

What I find is a box full of old letters. My heart rate speeds up, knowing I can’t look through his private things, but curiosity gets the better of me.

Crossing my legs, I make myself comfortable and pick an envelope from the top. The letter addressed to the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers Regiment, Chippenham. The address is written in the same scrawl as the notes in Jane Eyre. My mother’s handwriting. A flutter in my belly makes my fingers tremble. I shouldn’t be going through his personal stuff, but I want to know more about him and I’ve a feeling this letter may be from Mum.

Kane,

I hope this letter finds you well. Things haven’t been so great here. Nan is deteriorating every day. Your mum’s visits are more frequent. She’s a big comfort to me, and her cakes. I don’t think it will be long now until the cancer takes Nanna. She no longer has the use of her voice, but seems to hang on for something, permission to go perhaps, I’m not sure, but I’m also not ready to say goodbye to my last surviving relative.

The loneliness engulfs me each night like the darkness swallows up the day. I can’t wait to be in your arms again where I belong and feel your warmth and safety. No more cold and lonely nights with nothing but my thoughts and Nanna’s oxygen machine. I miss you so much.

Write back soon. Your letters are the only thing I have to look forward to right now, that and your mum’s visits.

Your loving Ali

xxx

A lone tear slides down my cheek, and I swipe it away with my finger. My poor mum, caring for her nan through the night, wondering if she would make it ’til morning. Thank goodness she had Kane. He must have been a rock for her to lean on. I wish I could have met his mother. She sounds like she was such a kind and caring woman. Not to mention a great baker.

I scan the letter again for a date, noting it’s a good year before I was born. So they were together. They must have split, then got back together. Kane never speaks about it, always so vague.

OceanofPDF.com

16

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

Shane bends over the pool table, lining himself and the cue up with the white and yellow striped ball. “What’s going on with you and Lilly?”

I twist the cue in my hand, spinning the thick end against the floor. “Nothing. Haven’t seen her since I was last here a few weeks back.”

Dom wipes the head of his pint from his lips with the back of his tattooed hand. “You mean ever since Alison’s daughter came to live with you?” He nudges Shane with his elbow, hoping he’ll join in with the ribbing he’s about to give me.

Shane misses his shot. “Shit.” He takes a step back and grabs his non-alcoholic beer from the wooden ledge that runs along the back wall.

“Don’t tell me there’s nothing going on. I know what it’s like cooped up with a hot woman. Alone.” Dom smirks as he takes another sip of his pint. “The two of you looked comfortable when I dropped Poppy’s car off.”

Dom’s girl, Poppy, and Lillian play at another pool table. They haven’t stopped talking since Dom brought her back here. I can’t hear what they’re saying with the music playing, but with the way the two girls keep glancing our way, it’s clear they’re talking about us.

“I’m taking care of her. She doesn’t have a family.” I lean over to take my turn and miss. Violet should be here. If I’d known it was bring your girl to pool night, I’d have invited her. Trouble is, she’s not my girl and everyone thinks she’s related to me. Only the lads know the truth. And they’ll take that to their grave, as will I.

“Kane has to get his kicks somehow now Lilly’s washed her hands of him.” Shane gives me a look that says I know you all too well and even if you’re not tapping her, you want to. Shane hits the white ball, nudging the yellow into the pocket, then stands looking rather pleased with himself, eyeing up the next stripe. “You know I took Lilly home that night. She said that was the final straw with you.”

I stifle a laugh. Lilly’s always been pissed with my lack of commitment. “I wondered why she hadn’t called.” A smile curls my lips as I glance at Lilly over the other end of the room. She’s an amazing woman, but I could never commit fully to her. She only ever got small fragments of my shattered heart.

Dom stays quiet for once, probably eye-fucking his girl from across the room. As she leans over the pool table, her button pops, giving us all a glimpse of her cleavage.

I stare at Shane, chalking up his cue across the green cloth. “Is Lilly fucking you now?” I pot the red ball, then walk around to his side of the table.

“Don't be stupid. She's my ex-wife's little sister. I just look out for her, you know that. But if there’s something still there between you and Lilly, you need to step up and stop messing about. I love that girl, so you better fucking treat her right.”

I take a deep breath, not really knowing what to say. I can’t tell him the truth, that the only woman I’m interested in is a bratty eighteen-year-old. She needs my full attention right now. I doubt she’s ever had a proper father figure in her whole life.

I can’t be the man Lilly wants me to be. She’s tried for years to tie me down, and I can’t give her something I don’t have. “I think it’s over, mate. She’s better off without me.” I lean over the table and pot the blue.

Shane can be the man she deserves. Lilly’s always been there for me since she was old enough, even writing to me in—“Dammit.” I miss my next shot. I love her for it, and hate myself at the same time for not stepping up.

I grab my pint from the ledge, wishing it was a whiskey. I could do with getting shitfaced tonight so I don’t have to think about the young girl sleeping in the next room, or her mother. “What about you, Dom? You’re all up in my business; what about you and the redhead?”

Shane glances at Dom over his shoulder. “You need to be careful. Some folks around here might recognise her from that little cameo she did.”

I pinch my eyebrows. “What cameo?”

“Dom’s redhead over there is famous.” He lowers his voice so only I can hear. “The leading lady on Crimewatch TV a while back.” Shane bends across the table and pots the black. A huge fucking grin on his face as the black slides into the net.

“May the best man win, ay?” Dom pats my back and I laugh off his comment. His words hit harder than usual because tonight it’s more than just a lousy game of pool.

Tonight Shane’s won Lilly. We were never official. He’s always had a soft spot for her, especially since his wife left.

He’s always been the hero, and I’ve always been the villain in this town. Shane can give her everything I can’t, and it’s about time he had some luck with women. His first marriage broke down because he was away in the army. That sort of life can take its toll on any marriage, and one of the reasons he left to try to save it. But he was too late.

* * *

Shane drops me off at the house after our regular pool night at the Black Crow. I sneak into the house quietly, not wanting to wake Vi at this late hour, knowing she’s been home all night from the tracking app on her phone. Opening the fridge, I pull a beer from the pack and make my way to the living room to unwind before bed.

Reaching the door, I pause. A light dazzles through the crack with voices from the TV and another unfamiliar sound. My head tilts. An electrical toy?

My shoulders rock with a silent laugh. I’m about to step away, but my legs won’t move. When curiosity gets the better of me, I peer through the crack in the door. Her favourite chick flick plays on the screen. Slowly creeping the door open, she comes into view; flush cheeks, eyes closed, back arched. Fucking breathtaking.

Standing in the doorway, I release the door handle, letting it swing open a little more. She doesn’t flinch, too wrapped up in her own pleasure. My jeans become incredibly uncomfortable. I know it’s wrong to watch, but I’m mesmerised. Locked in some sort of trance, watching her lips part and hearing her sweet little moans while her hand pumps the gift I bought her.

She opens her eyes, catching me watching, and even now I’ve been caught, I still can’t look away. The buzzing stops as the vibrator bounces against the floor. She fumbles with her pyjama shorts to cover her pussy.

I should go, but my feet won't budge. And fuck, now she's seen me, I have to own it and not make this fucking awkward. I stalk over, keeping my eyes locked on hers. I sip the beer from the bottle and casually sit on the old wooden table in front of the sofa where she rests.

Her chest rises and falls with heavy breaths, but she’s still and quiet, like a mouse trapped under a cat’s paw. Only tonight I’m a fucking panther.

“You like your gift?” I pick the toy up from the floor, holding it up to see it glisten with the slickness of her. I fight myself back from licking it clean and diving in to eat her pussy like it’s my last meal. “Don’t stop.” I hand it to her.

She snatches it back. “H…how…long have you—” She gulps.

“Long enough to see how fucking perfect you are.” I rest my elbows on my knees and lean closer to her. “Don’t stop on my account.”

To my surprise, she lifts the elastic to her shorts and slips the vibrator underneath the fabric, keeping it from view, but she can’t hide the sound, nor can she hide the flicker in her eyes as she rubs it against her clit.

I’m seconds away from taking it in hand and pleasuring her myself, but I can’t cross that line. I’ve already gone too far. But I don't want her to feel any shame, like she's doing something wrong. It’s me that’s in the wrong for watching, but I’ve never been one for doing the right thing.

Her hand slips under her top, squeezing her nipple, and it takes every ounce of strength not to touch her.

I adjust my jeans, giving my ever-growing dick some room to breathe. “Take off your shorts, Vi. Show me how much you like my gift.” Fuck. The beer I drank tonight has made me bold. I grit my teeth to stop anything else spilling from my lips. I'm about to apologise when her eyes flick to the bulge in my jeans and back to mine.

“You first, Daddy.”

My mouth waters at the prospect of seeing that pink little nub up close, and I make swift work of releasing my engorged dick. It springs to life, like an inmate finally set free.

Everything about this scene is wrong. I’m one sick bastard, old enough to be her dad. But she reminds me so much of my angel that I lost. It’s hard to resist. Only Vi is no angel, and no shrinking violet splayed out on my couch.

And I’m no saint.

Her eyes bulge, jaw lax. She swipes her tongue along her teeth, taking in my full length that grows thicker and harder in my hand with each passing second.

I nod to her shorts. “Your turn, petal.”

With trembling hands and ragged breaths, she inches her shorts down, giving me a peek at the violet tattoo low on her belly. I want to dive down and kiss the flower, then lick a trail to the small bud between her thighs.

She inches the fabric of her shorts down a little more. The vibrator holds still between her clenched thighs, in front of a small triangular tuft of hair, but it’s enough to have my cock nodding in agreement as it weeps at the tip for her.

The shorts reach her knees, then drop to the floor. “Spread your legs. Let me see that pink little bud.”

She lifts her feet out of the shorts, and I kick them to the side. With my heart pounding, mouth watering, fist clenching, her legs part, opening herself up to me fully like a good girl. But she’s so fucking bad.

I pull my shirt over my head and her eyes feast on my inked chest. I nod to her top, hoping she’ll do the same and she does. With one hand, she pinches her nipple while the other massages the toy into her slickness, sliding in and out to rub her clit. She shudders with each slip of her hand.

Dick in palm, I stand, crowding her bare chest, placing my free hand to rest on the back of the sofa, next to her head. Her back arches and she spreads her legs wider, as if offering herself up to me in sacrifice. My eyes lock onto hers, inches away. I fight the devil inside me to consume her mouth and seal our fate forever. She’s so fucking perfect. Too perfect for me. I can’t claim her. I’m not deserving, but I’ll take this moment and milk it for all I can, staring into her eyes as she comes undone at the seams, stitch by glorious stitch.

Her moans are louder, and she calls my name as if it’s me making her come. Even though we’re not touching, I can feel the electricity spark between us. Throwing her head back, she stiffens beneath me, crying out again. With her crest I shoot my load, thrusting, panting, spilling all over her bouncy tits, painting her naked flesh with my desire.

The vibration between her legs stills. Her eyes move from the cum coating her chest to my swollen dick still in hand, then to my stare. I’ve never seen a more beautiful site. Her breaths slow, mingling with mine as I hover inches above her.

My knuckles glide up the valley of her tits, through the trickle of cum flowing over her skin. I rub my seed over her stiff peak before coating the other. Her chest shimmers under the flickering light of the forgotten movie, glowing a multitude of colours like a violet sky. Only, I know what a violet sky means, and I must prepare for the oncoming storm. But this moment is worth any war and I’ll fight to the death, even though I can’t keep her.

Moving my palm to her neck, I smooth my thumb over her bottom lip, forcing her to taste my cum. She darts her tongue out, lapping up my offering.

“So fucking beautiful.” I hover inches from her lips. Every muscle in my body draws me closer to her, but I fight the urge to smother her mouth and claim her for myself. We can never be, despite my unconditional love for her, the same love I had for her mother a lifetime ago. She needs to get as far away from this town as possible and keep running, never looking back. One day I’ll help her on her way, but not this day and not tomorrow. First, I’ll keep her here for my selfish guilt while I atone for my sins. Then I’ll release her to soar over violet fields into a cloudless sky to be the woman I know she can be. A woman her mother would be proud of and the best version of herself.

With my fist gripping the sofa, I push up, tucking my dick back in my jeans. I take in the sight of her one last time, caressing her body with my gaze, before grabbing my beer from the coffee table and heading to bed.

She doesn’t speak, but her eyes convey everything, all the sadness she feels. Once behind my closed door, I bang my head against the wood, taking another sip of my beer. Thoughts of her naked and vulnerable, stripped bare for my selfish pleasure, gnaw at my insides. Acid coats my throat, and I wash it down with another swig.

I’ve degraded her, branded her, and left her vulnerable. Will she hate me in the morning? Tonight’s act chews on my nerves, and each breath I take is laced with more guilt than the night I took my belt to her.

She took my punishment, and tonight she took my degradation. Tomorrow she’ll take my apology when I put a stop to this. Whatever this is between us. Fuck. I don’t even know what it is. Only that it’s wrong on so many fucking levels.

The girl came to me looking for a father, and I took her in, hoping for a second chance at a life that can never be. A dream I once had of a wife and a daughter. Now the lines are so blurred, I don’t know which I want her to be. I’m tap dancing on a tightrope and whichever side I choose, I fall to the depths of hell because I know the truth. I don’t deserve her love as either wife or daughter.

OceanofPDF.com

17

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

“Vi?” My name on his tongue sounds sweeter than any dawn chorus. Two knocks against my door force me to open my eyes, then blink in the morning light and face my reality.

“Vi, are you awake?”

I gulp. Wanting to face him, but terrified at the same time. “I am now.” A rapid flow of heat pumps through my veins, warming my body, despite the morning chill. Memories of last night flood me as I change from my damp shorts into a clean pair of knickers and leggings.

Anticipation grows in my chest with each rushed breath. Hopes of him kissing me and touching me and fucking me. Last night he left me naked and alone, but I could tell he fought it. The tick in his jaw and the twitch on his lips told me he wanted to kiss me as much as I needed him to.

“I made breakfast.”

My shoulders sag against the wardrobe. Great. Another apology breakfast. “Be right down.”

The stairs creek, letting me know he’s gone back to the kitchen. I tie my hair up in a bobble before following.

The table is set for two. Sausages sizzle in the pan along with bacon and eggs. A full English. He’s going all out with this apology. He turns away from the stove, his tired eyes raking from my bare feet to the messy bun on my head.

Kane scratches the salt and pepper bristles on his jaw. “I wanted to apologise for last night.” Here we go. He serves up the food onto our plates and pours us both a coffee.

I slide onto the wooden chair at the big table. “It’s fine.” I wave a hand to dismiss whatever it is he thinks he needs to apologise for. My insides squeeze so tight as I cringe inwardly.

He drops my plate in front of me with a growl. “It’s not fine. I was out of order. It’s no excuse, but I’d had a drink and when I came home—” He pauses, his chest expanding under his grey t-shirt as if he’s recalling the memory. “I can’t remember much. I’m sorry, I was buzzed. It won’t happen again.” He sits opposite me, looking at his food as he eats, avoiding my gaze.

My shoulders curl inwards at his confession. A small part of me hoped—as I walked down the stairs—he would kiss me, apologise for leaving me last night, and tell me it won’t happen again. He would say next time, I’ll take you to my bed and make love to you all night. Maybe that’s a stretch, but I wanted him to own it. He didn’t seem drunk or stoned or whatever he means by buzzed, but if he wants to play it this way, I’m glad he doesn’t remember much.

“There isn’t anything to apologise for. I was tripping too.”

His wide eyes lift to mine. “If I knew you were under any influence, I’d never have taken advantage of you. I swear.”

Fuck, my lie seems to have made things worse. I only had one joint, and it was earlier in the evening. Not even enough to give me the munchies. “It’s okay. I’ve already forgotten about it.”

He inhales a deep, pained breath. “Where’d you get the gear from?”

Fork swirling in the air, I gulp down the bite of sausage, then point behind me. “I found a stash in your kitchen cupboard.”

He relaxes back into the chair. “It’s okay. If you want to smoke, I’d sooner you have my stuff than someone else’s. Make sure you know what you’re smoking. You hear?”

Now he’s back to parent mode. I roll my eyes, moving the food around my plate.

With a tightness in his tone, he demands my attention. “Look at me, Vi.”

I flick my eyes up at him.

“I don’t want you smoking anyone else’s shit, especially that stuff the Bennett brothers grow. You hear?”

“Yes, Da—ddy.”

He shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and I swear, a low growl escapes from deep in his throat.

I avert my gaze and eat the rest of my breakfast in silence. This is one of the most awkward meals I’ve ever sat through, and I’ve endured some crap in my time. The tension between us could supply the farmhouse with electricity for a whole month.

* * *

Kane eye fucks me as he steps into the kitchen. He comes close to me, peering into the fridge, his damp hair hangs limp in front of his forehead. I inhale the cool mint of his body that’s replaced his usual woody scent.

He places a hand inside and retrieves a cold beer. “I thought you were going out?” He scratches the scruff on his jaw as he gives me another once over in my old clothes.

“Yaz cancelled on me. She isn’t feeling well.” I continue to stare into the fridge, looking for something to eat, but can’t think straight now he’s next to me. My stomach twists and my foot taps against the tiled floor while I chew on the inside of my cheek as if deep in thought, but the only thing running around in my mind is him. Naked and tossing me around like a rag doll.

“If I’d known you were staying in, I’d have gone out.” He opens the bottle with his teeth before tossing the cap in the bin.

My shoulders sag. “Thanks. You really know how to make a girl feel welcome.” If he is going to make things awkward now, as much as I loved last night, I want to erase the entire incident.

“Shit.” The bottle clinks against the table. “I didn’t mean it like that.” His hand runs through his damp raven hair, pulling the waves back from his forehead. “I only meant I’d have given you some space.”

I turn my head away from the fridge to gaze into his steel-blue eyes. “I don’t want space. Can’t we just be like we were before?”

“Before?” His question hangs in the air, like he doesn’t know which before I’m talking about, before last night or before the spanking.

“You know. Before you gave me the pearl necklace.” I meant it to come out as a joke, but when I glance up through my lashes, he isn’t laughing. My stomach knots. No longer hungry, I close the fridge door.

His silver-blue eyes pierce the mask I’m wearing as he studies me. I’m sure he can see a frail girl standing before him, no matter how much of a front I put on.

My teeth munch on my purple thumb nail, bits of varnish flake off on my tongue. “I’ll just hang in my room.” I step to the side and he follows, accidentally blocking my path. My feet slide to the other side and his bare feet match my movements like some sort of awkward dance neither of us knows the steps to.

“Sorry.” He turns sideways, allowing me to slip between him and the fridge. “You don’t have to hide away in your room. I’m sure we can both stay in the living room. I won’t try anything, I promise.”

I pause when I reach the bottom of the stairs. Despite the disappointment of his statement, my body still hangs on to some hope that if I stay downstairs with him, he might just give in to temptation again. A buzz fills my chest, fluttering through every limb. With hope in my veins, my foot spins, following in his direction. I pad into the room and gingerly sit on the sofa.

He appears moments later and sits in the chair at the other end of the room. Tension crackles between us and I fear the TV may explode when he finally turns it on with the remote control.

Neither of us speak, just stare at the TV in the dim room, lit only by a lamp in the corner, the glow of logs on the fire and now the colours from the 32” screen. Belle curls up on the brown rug in front of the fire and to anyone looking in they would see the perfect family scene.

The TV could play anything, but all I see is static and all I hear is a crackle along with my pounding heart. The longer I sit here, the louder it becomes. A poltergeist could reach through the static and swallow me whole, and I would probably feel more comfortable than I do right now. Every part of my skin itches. I dare a glance his way and catch his eye.

He shoots his gaze away the second our eyes meet, as do I, then slowly brings them back to rest on his hard features. The light highlights his cheekbones and every masculine line on his face. Why did he have to be so good looking? I’ve no doubt he scrubs up well. I wonder if Mum got the rugged man he is now with an unshaven jaw and ruffled hair, or was he more polished back in the day? In the old photographs on the sideboard, he’s clean shaven, with his hair gelled back and wearing a smile that I’ve only had a glimpse of since being here.

He brings the bottle to his lips and I’m suddenly dying of thirst, but I can’t move. I’m trapped on this sofa, in the same place I always sit. The same position I was in last night. It’s a good thing the colour is a deep burgundy, as I’m sure I left a stain.

Moisture pools between my thighs just thinking about it. I shift in the seat, my body incredibly uncomfortable. My skin burns, sensing his eyes on me like lasers. But I don’t look. Instead, I sink further into the sofa, packing the cushions around me in the hope they’ll hide my flushed cheeks.

If only I’d gone upstairs? I could be reading right now instead of pretending to watch a movie. I’d hoped he would sit next to me, dissipate some of the tension, laugh at the TV. Even talk to me.

Was that so much to ask?

In truth, I’d hoped he’d sit next to me, bring my feet onto his lap and massage them. Maybe suck my toes before trailing kisses up my calf and inner thigh. A long hum escapes my lips. My eyes widen.

He shoots a glance my way. Now he’s shifting uncomfortably, adjusting his jeans. “You okay?”

I let out a sound like a squeak and squirm in my seat, my entire body on fire. He’s trying to parent me, but he’s doing a lousy job. His first mistake was spanking my bare ass. I almost want to be a brat so he’ll do it again. Anything to feel those rough hands on my skin. But I’m afraid he would kick me out. Despite the tension, I really like it here.

OceanofPDF.com

18

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

I’ve never been so happy to go to work in my life. Anything to get out of the house where I can finally breathe. Yaz is still unwell and called in sick, so I jumped at the chance to pick up an extra shift.

Stacking shelves might just be the most boring job ever, but today I welcome it. Every muscle in my body was ready to crack under the tension of being near him. Things haven’t been the same since he watched me come. He can’t look me in the eye for longer than a split second.

He should know I wanted it. I want it all. Whatever he has to give, I’ll take it. He can paint my face next time and I’ll enjoy it. These last few days, I’ve tried to tell him so many times that it’s okay to want me because I want him too, but I chicken out every time, fearing he’ll reject me. He has his own demons to come to terms with, and all I can do is wait on the sidelines, hoping the devil will win.

“Hello, love. It’s nice to see you again.”

I place the pasta on the shelf and turn to the woman at my side. “Hi. I’m sorry, I can’t remember your name.” It’s the woman from the breakfast cabin where Kane took me on our first date. I mean, my first day here.

“Carole, love. How’s your dad doing? Haven’t seen him for a while.”

My heart skips, thinking she knows who my dad is, then I realise she means Kane. My shoulders deflate. “Kane’s fine, but he’s not my dad.”

Her brow furrows. “You are Alison’s girl? I saw the resemblance straight away when I saw you at the cafe.”

“Alison was my mum, yes, but Kane isn’t my dad. I’m just staying with him for a while.” I need to make that clear because the thoughts I have about him are far from fatherly. A realisation occurs to me and I wonder if this is why Kane is holding back with me. The whole freakin’ town thinks we’re related. Talk about awkward. Not to mention my birth certificate.

“It was an awful time, love. For everyone involved. Your nan…Kane’s mother became ill from it all, I’m sure of it.”

“From what?”

“Everything that happened. It shook the town and people never recovered from that night. Kane’s been through so much. It wasn’t entirely his fault, but he paid his dues.”

This woman is talking in riddles. “What wasn’t his fault? What dues?”

“Letty, can you take over for Lucy on the till, please, while she has a break?” the manager says.

Carole rubs my arm gently before giving it a squeeze. “Take care of him, won’t you? He’s all alone in that big old house.” She shuffles down the aisle with her trolley and the manager taps his watch.

With a sigh, I sit behind the till, the beep of the machine matching the pulse in my temple. Kane never talks about Mum or what happened or anything from his past, like he wants to erase it. The whole town seems to know me or of my existence. Everyone thinks my mother is a saint, most of all Kane, but if she was such a saint, she would have endured fire and hell to still be here today. What mother gives their child up and then hits the bottle?

Kane might be able to forgive her, but I can’t. I’m angry with her for leaving, for giving up. For giving me up. All my life I imagined some romantic notion of some forbidden love affair, or maybe she was too young to keep me and was forced to give me away. When I found her, we’d have this amazing reunion with an unbreakable bond and she would never want to be parted from again.

I shake my head at the ridiculous fantasies. “£34.91 please.”

A woman swipes her credit card, making small talk about the weather. It’s another reason I hate being on the till. You have to talk to people. I nod and smile and wave as she collects her bag, and the process starts all over again.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I’m lost deeper in my thoughts with each chirp of the scanner. The customers blur into one until Lucy snaps me from my musings.

“Want to do something after work?” She chews on her gum.

“Sure.” Anything but go spend another night in silence with Kane.

* * *

We both clock out at 3pm. It’s still light, and the rain has ceased, allowing a little sun to peek out from a dark cloud.

“Let’s see Marie. She’ll be finishing soon. We can meet her at work,” Lucy says, getting into her car.

I unlock my mini. “Where does she work?” I thought she was at college. I didn’t know she worked as well.

“She does a few shifts at the lakeside cafe. Follow me.”

I turn the old girl’s engine over, loving the familiar sound of her starting up. It’s always a good sign. My fingers tap against the steering wheel, listening to my favourite punk band.

I drive into a secluded car park at the side of the lake with a small wooden cafe next to a pier with boat hire facilities. I park the mini next to Lucy’s Suzuki, and we get out of our cars at the same time.

“This is nice,” I say, following her into the glass fronted wooden building. “Does Marie’s family own this place?” Kane said they owned a few estates around here.

Lucy grins, taking a seat in the cafe and waving at Marie behind the counter. “Not exactly.”

“Hey girl. What can I get you?” She whips her notepad and pen from her apron. “Hey Letty.” She gives me a nod out of courtesy, but doesn’t greet me with the same enthusiasm as she did Lucy.

“What time do you finish?” Lucy asks.

“In about an hour, but if nobody else shows, Jack’s closing the hire shop early.”

Lucy nods and peruses the menu. “What are you ordering, Letty?”

“Choca Mocha, please.” I give Marie a fake smile as she takes down Lucy’s order, then my grin fades when Jesse corners the front counter.

He’s fashioning the same front apron with pockets, a white shirt and a killer smile as he strolls over to our table. “Letty, Letty, Letty.”

I gulp down the thin air as if he stole all the oxygen. The last time I saw him was when—My fingers curl round my neck, my skin itching. The last time he saw me, my ass was being hauled from his Land Rover. I’d hoped we’d never run into each other again.

“I didn’t know you worked here.” My voice is a little high, the oxygen replaced with helium.

He chuckles. “Yeah, well, kinda don’t have a choice about working here, seeing as we own the place.”

I glare at Lucy. She thinks this is amusing, sitting in her seat with a huge smirk on her face. She brought me here on purpose.

Jesse sits in the booth next to me, forcing me to scooch over. He’s blocked me in between him and the wall, sitting snugly at my side in a two-seater booth. “You ghosting me, Letty?”

Marie gives Lucy a knowing look before walking behind the counter, then she follows, helping her with the drinks.

I roll my eyes, knowing it’s on purpose to give us some alone time, but the last thing I want is to be alone with Jesse. He was fun, but we barely made it to third base. I’d no sooner ditched my knickers then Kane was hauling me home. At the time, I was fuming, but I’m grateful now. The thought of taking things further with Jesse makes my skin crawl. I’m too far in with Kane now, with no interest in anyone else, even if he is a stubborn arsehole.

“I’m not ghosting.” In truth, I blocked him. I didn’t want Kane to see texts from them on my phone and punish me again. Although I enjoyed the spanking, I want to be a good girl for him. Being in the angelic shadow of my mother is hard to live up to.

“You never returned my texts.” His fingers slither along my thigh over the fabric of my uniform.

“I didn’t get your texts.”

He pauses, as if deciding if he should believe me or not. “Was your old man pissed? Did he take your phone away? I worried for you that night.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

He whispers in my ear, “Next time we’ll go somewhere he can’t find us.”

I bristle, knowing there won’t be a next time. I shouldn’t even be here. If Kane checks the tracking app and sees I’m here, he’s gonna be even more pissed than he already is. Maybe then he’ll talk to me, show some emotion or feeling instead of shutting down and giving me the silent treatment.

Marie and Lucy bring a tray of drinks to the table. The cafe is empty now.

Jack opens the door and stalks over to our table. “Letty, we thought you’d disappeared on us.”

My phone buzzes in my bag, making me jump. I know who it is before I look and with Jack hovering at my back; I don’t want anyone to see a message from Kane scolding me for being at their premises.

“Why does he dislike you so much?” I ask Jesse, gripping the handle of my bag, desperate to text back to let him know it was a mistake coming here and I’m leaving, but before I do, maybe I can get some answers.

Jesse glances at Jack, then shrugs. “Why do dads always dislike the guys their daughters date?”

“He’s not my dad, though.”

Jack corners the table and drags a stool over to perch on the end. “Guardian then, you’re staying with him, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but—” My phone buzzes again, this time with a ring. I open my bag and cancel the call, then read his text.

If you’re still at work, can you bring some milk and bread home?

Home. He is my home and I don’t even want to be here. With a deep intake of breath, I stand. “I need to go.”

Jesse doesn’t budge. “You just got here.” His hands slide up my thighs, over my black work trousers. “Sit down, drink your drink. We can hang out for a bit.”

“I can’t. I need to go. Can you let me pass, please?”

“Come on, Letty, have a bit of fun with us,” Jack says.

One glance between the two of them and I know the fun he's talking about. It’s not me. I don’t want to be shared or passed around like a toy or a joint, like Kane said.

Marie gives him a death glare.

Jesse stands in front of me. “We’ll go some place, just the two of us?” His fingers trail the length of my arms over my jacket, but it’s enough to make the hairs prickle on my neck.

“No thanks, Jesse. I’m not interested. I need to go.”

His jaw tightens, giving his brother a sideways glance.

Marie smiles like she’s enjoying the show. “Just let her go back to her crazy dad before he comes here looking for her. That guy gives me the creeps.”

“Shut the fuck up, Marie.” Jesse warns her with a scowl.

She stands opposite him, with her hand on her cocked hip. “Awe is Jesse grumpy because his plan isn’t working.” Her lip pouts, mocking him.

Fingers tight on the strap of my bag, my mind swirls, remembering Kane’s words about the guys wanting to get back at him. “What plan?” I choke out the words with a dry throat.

Jesse stares at Marie with a locked jaw.

She rolls her eyes. “The plan to get in your knickers, of course.”

My phone buzzes again and I pull it out to see Kane’s name dance across the screen. “It’s my crazy dad. Are you going to let me pass, or shall I tell him to come and get me?”

“Guys, stop being jerks and let her go,” Lucy says with a yawn.

Jesse steps aside, and I walk to the exit without looking back. I tap the green button as I step through the door. “Sup?” I hold my breath, waiting for a lecture.

“Did you get my message? I thought you finished work at 3pm.”

“I did, but it’s okay. I’ll pick up some milk and bread. Anything else?”

“Where are you, Vi?”

He must know. I left the tracking app on my phone for his own peace of mind. Besides, I have nothing to hide from him. Until now. Is it a trick question to see if I will lie or tell the truth?

“Vi?”

I open the mini and sit behind the wheel. “Don’t get mad, okay?” I cringe. “Lucy asked me to hang out after work, and she took me to a cafe by the lake.”

A growl sounds on the other end of the phone. “What did I tell you?”

“I didn’t know, okay?” My voice wobbles. “I didn’t know they were gonna be here and I’ve just left.”

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m coming home now. I’ll stop at the corner shop. As soon as I saw them, I wanted to leave.”

There’s a pause. “Vi.”

“Yes.”

“Good girl.”

OceanofPDF.com

19

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

“Hey, while you’re here, give us a lift with those.” I wave my hand towards the two bookcases in the workshop.

Shane only called for some wood and a saw. “Are they going in your van?”

I scratch the back of my neck. “Vi’s room.”

“You made her some furniture? I take it she’s staying then?”

“For now. I mean, she can stay here for as long as she needs to.”

He lifts one side of the heavy oak bookcase, stained a dark brown. I thought about painting it purple to match her hair, but she would probably say ‘I’m not twelve’. Her favourite phrase. As if I can’t see she’s a woman already with her big tits and those fucking curves.

I grab the other end, and we walk out of the workshop together, towards the house. “What do you need some wood and a saw for, anyway?”

His face twists, but it’s not from the strain of the bookcase. Shane and I have been mates since school. I can tell when something’s on his mind. “Lilly asked me to fix some stuff at her place.”

The bookcase slips from my hands, and I rest it on the step to the house. “Why didn’t she just ask me?” I haven’t seen Lilly for a while, but we’ve been friends long enough. She should know I’d help fix whatever she needs, just like I have many times before.

“I don’t know, man. You’ve been distracted lately.” He nudges the bookcase and I lift it again, carrying it over the threshold.

“Are you two an item now?”

“No, besides, she might still be holding out for you.” His dark eyebrows pull inwards. He knows as well as I do that I don’t deserve Lilly.

“If she is, I’ll cut the string, pal. I can’t offer any woman anything but misery.”

“I wouldn’t say that. Violet’s looking pretty happy. You two seem to rub each other the right way.”

I almost drop the bookcase again. If only he knew. Guilt eats a hole in my gut. “It’s…” If he knew how much of that statement is true, what would he think of me? “It’s nice having her around.”

“Just nice?” He raises an eyebrow.

“She’s not a kid, you know.” I don’t know why I said that, but I need him to know that I don’t see her as a kid. She’s a woman in every physical way and more mature and streetwise than her mother was at her age.

“I never said she was.” His lips lift in the corner. He knows me better than anyone, but does he know how much I want her?

“Look, man. You don’t go making furniture for just anyone. I’ve seen the way you look at her. The same way you looked at Ali. Nobody’s gonna judge you. Although you might wanna get that birth certificate changed.” He chuckles.

“Damn. I forgot about that.”

I walk backwards up the stairs, carrying the bookcase. “So what is it that Lilly needs fixing? You sure you can handle it, or do you need an expert?” I tease.

“Her bed.” His eyes shoot to mine.

The oak slips from my fingers, onto the top step. I let it rest to gather my thoughts.

“A couple of the slats broke—”

“Fuck’s sake. Too much information.” I need a cigarette. Lifting the oak, we continue to carry it into Vi’s bedroom. The room seems much brighter since she’s been staying in here. And much cleaner, that’s for sure.

“Where do you want it?”

I point to the wall next to the oak wardrobe. I’d made the bookcases to the same height so they would fit in the space between the wardrobe and wall, giving her plenty of room for storage.

Once the bookcase is in place, we head back to the workshop for the other one and I light up, handing Shane a cigarette. He takes it and leans against the door of the workshop. “I’m sorry, man. It must be awkward for you.”

I inhale, lighting my cigarette and relish the familiar burn at the back of my throat. “So, are you going to ask Lilly out and make it official, or are you two just fucking?”

“Wait a minute, you think I broke her bed?” He laughs. “Wasn’t me. I wish it was, but you know I can’t go there.”

“I don’t see why not.” I let out a plume of smoke, the tendrils curling into the breeze. Lilly deserves someone who’s got the balls to commit. Shane’s always been the better man of the two of us. I came out of the army branded the town villain. He came out of the army a hero, now a copper.

“Are you gonna ask Violet out?”

I pause at the dream. If only I was twenty years younger and our circumstances were different. “Nah, mate. She won’t be sticking around. Did you know she has her A-levels. I want her to go to university and do something with her life. I can’t keep her here as much as I want to. It would be selfish of me.”

“And what does she want?”

“I don’t know. She’d probably be happy staying at the supermarket, but I’ll be damned if she’s gonna waste her life here.”

Shane stubs his cigarette out under his boot, and I do the same. Then we tackle the second bookcase. “Where is Violet anyway?”

“She’s at work today.” I glance at the old watch on my wrist, knowing she’ll be home soon. My chest swells as it always does when I think of her coming home. Things have been awkward as fuck since I came all over her. My cock stirs, thinking back to how fucking beautiful she looked with my cum spread over her tits like body lotion.

I’m hoping the new bookcases in her room will be some sort of ice breaker when she gets home, and we can move forward.

* * *

I hear her before I see her. The mini chugging over the gravel driveway always makes me smile. I’ve offered to get her another car. She can even drive the Ranger, but she loves that old mini.

Shane gathers the wood and saw he came for, gently placing it in the back of his car. “Hey Violet.”

She steps out of the mini in her work uniform, then pulls the bobble from her hair, letting it fall around her face. “Sup.” Grabbing her bag from the passenger seat, she hauls it over her shoulder and walks towards the door. Towards me.

“Good day?”

“It is now.” She bends down, greeting Belle, letting her lick her face as she kisses her wet black nose. I’ve never been so jealous of a fucking dog before. I want her to give me the same treatment, but all I get is a ‘sup’ these days. It’s for the best, but it hurts like a motherfucker wanting something you can’t have.

She goes into the house, and I say my goodbyes to Shane. Five minutes later, she’s halfway down the stairs with a smile on her face.

I stand at the bottom, ready to go up. “You like your room?”

She takes a few steps down so she’s closer but taller than me and wraps her arms around my neck. “Thank you.”

I slip my hands around her waist, sliding my palms over her back and bringing her flush to my chest. My eyes close, soaking up the closeness of her.

“Want to help me sort through the books in the boxes?” Her eyes are hopeful, making it difficult to say no.

“Come on.” I follow her up the stairs into her room and sort through the boxes of books that have been stored here since I left home. Dad started using my old room as a dumping ground when he had to clear out the back room downstairs for Mum’s hospital bed.

A mix of my parent’s books and some of mine along with Ali’s fill the tubs and boxes. “A lot of your mum’s belongings were brought here after she passed away.”

Vi turns to me, taking the books from my hands and placing them on the shelves. “Were these hers?”

“I don’t know which are hers and which are my parents. Most of hers are annotated like Jane Eyre.” I grab a few more books from the box. An old leather-bound copy slips from my hand, falling to the floor. Picking it up, I spot the title. Wuthering Heights, another one of Ali's favourite books. The well-worn cover brings fond memories. “This one’s definitely your mother’s.”

Vi flicks through the pages with a smile on her face. “She liked the classics, didn’t she?”

“Her friend Cheryl sorted out her place after she passed away. Ali didn’t have much, but what she had was split between Cheryl and I. The rest of her stuff went to the charity.”

“When I read her notes, I feel closer to her.” Vi’s fingers trace over Ali’s handwriting, a sad smile tugging the corners of her lips. I have a box full of letters from her mum. I’d love to let her read them, to know her mother, but they contain secrets she can never know.

“You have plenty of notes here.” I hold up three more books, all with Ali’s handwriting in.

She takes the notebooks from me. “What are these?”

“I told you she liked to write stories.”

Her eyes sparkle. “These are Mum’s stories?”

I nod, though I haven’t read them for a while. Some I haven’t read at all. After she passed, the memories were too painful.

OceanofPDF.com

20

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

“You should definitely get that dress. It looks good on you.” At this point, I think Yaz would say anything looked good on me to get out of this store. I’ve tried on about twenty outfits so far. She’s tall and slim, so can wear just about anything she likes—anything black, that is.

I stand sideways in the mirror and have to agree. The black skater dress looks cute, coming halfway up my chubby thighs, showing off my purple tights.

“Hurry or we’re gonna miss our appointment.”

I pull out my phone to check the time and notice my battery quickly dying. With five minutes to spare before our hair appointment, I quickly change and pay for my dress. Kane wouldn’t take any money from me for my board, so my wage is all mine. I was desperate for new clothes and also desperate for my hair to be done.

Maybe Kane will notice me with my hair curled and a full head of deep violet instead of the purple and blue streaks. Lilly was always dolled up to the nines, and he dated her.

Yaz gets her black hair washed, trimmed and blow dried while I wait for my purple hair to set. I pull my phone from my bag and the battery is completely flat. I should have given it a full charge this morning. Not to worry. Kane knows where I am.

After getting our hair done, I change into my new clothes in the toilets. I want to look my best when I arrive home. “We should get our makeup done, too. Let’s try all the testers.”

Yaz rolls her eyes. The only products she uses are black lipstick and eyeshadow, along with the usual thick eyeliner and mascara. “What look you going for?” She scans the testers at the makeup on the small display, fingering an array of colours from vibrant neons to more natural shades.

I've never played much with contouring, but Yaz helps me add some around the edges of my face and over my cheeks to make my cheekbones pop. I brush on a little pink blush to the apples when I make the sucked a lemon face.

My hand hovers over a few shades of red lip gloss and I grab a dark bold red colour similar to the one Lilly wore at the pub. It’s not really me, but I doubt Kane could resist me in the shade ‘Ravish Me Red.’

“What do you think?” I smile at Yaz and she adds a little more shape to my eyebrow with a brown pencil.

“Perfect. You look older, borderline hooker,” she stifles a laugh as she touches up my brow one last time.

“Good. That’s the idea.” I don’t recognise myself in the small store mirror, but I’m hoping my new look will make Kane see me in a different light. Nerves swirl in my belly at what Kane will think. I want him to give in to his feelings and accept that we could be great together.

* * *

By the time Yaz drops me off at home, the house is shrouded in darkness. A flicker of light peeks through the living room curtain, giving me an indication that he’s home. I walk up to the door, laden with bags full of my new attire, and swish my newly dyed violet hair over my shoulder. Walking inside the house, I check my makeup is still intact in the hall mirror.

I drop my bags at the foot of the stairs and smooth my sweaty palms over my new dress, flowing over my purple thighs.

It’s been a while since Kane really looked at me like he did that night. In truth, he’s been avoiding me out of guilt, shame, or denial. But there was no denying the hunger I felt in his eyes that night. I need to feel it again, like a drug.

The aroma of his home-grown brand hits me when I open the living room door.

He stubs out the joint on the side of a beer bottle and places it on a saucer, all the while glaring at me with heated eyes. “Good day?” It’s more of an accusation, but I ignore his mood.

“Yes, thanks.” I lift my chin high and walk into the room, picking up the joint and re-lighting it with his zippo from the coffee table.

He snarls, rage burning in his eyes as he leans forward, hands clasped together.

“What?” I snap, cocking a hip and placing my fist there.

He stands, towering over me. “Do you know how fucking worried I’ve been?”

My eyebrows pull together. “H…has something happened?”

“Yeah, you turned your fucking tracking app off. That’s what’s happened and you wouldn’t answer your fucking phone. I didn’t know if something had happened to you. I even went to the fucking shopping centre looking for you.”

My jaw drops. It’s not often I’m rendered speechless, but neither is someone driving thirty miles to look for me. “I never turned the app off. I swear.” My hand grips my chest over my heart. “My phone died.”

“Save your excuses. I asked you for one thing and one thing only while you’re living under my roof.”

“Well, technically, you asked for two things: to stay away from Jesse and to keep the tracking app. Both I’ve done, so what’s got your back up now?”

“I ask that you obey me. To let me take care of you, and I can’t fucking do that when I don’t know where you are.”

“I told you I was going shopping.” I take a long drag from the blunt, hoping it will help me remain calm.

He rips the joint from my hand and douses it in his beer. “You need to be punished.”

I roll my eyes, but bite back a laugh. “I’m a grown fucking woman. What are you gonna do, spank me again?” A throb pulses in my core at the memory, and I suck in a breath, squeezing my thighs together.

“No. I told you I wouldn't hurt you again, and I won't. Get to your room. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night.”

I spin in my Converse, my dress flaring as I march to the door with clenched fists. He may not be physically hurting me, but the pain slicing through my chest is worse.

“And wipe that shit off your face while you’re at it,” he yells before crashing back onto the sofa.

I reach the door, gripping the handle with a deep breath, tears stinging my eyes as I hold them under my lids. When I turn back to him and open them, he’s rolling another blunt as if I’m not even here.

A sob threatens, but I bite it back. “I only did my hair and makeup for you.”

His eyes lift to see mine for a second before I gently close the door and walk up the stairs.

A silent tear falls once I’m in my room. Frustration seeps through my newly painted face as I pace the walls, then haul myself to the bathroom. I throw my denim jacket off, pull down my tights and rip the skater dress over my head.

Stripped bare, I shower off the day, hoping it will ease my frustration and dampen the fiery anger inside me. Tears pool in the corner of my eye, and I hold my head up to the water, washing them away. He does care. The only person to actually give a shit about my whereabouts.

This must be what it feels like to have a parent who worries about you; something that’s evaded me my whole life. As frustrated as I am, it feels nice to have someone genuinely care.

Stepping out of the shower, I towel off and run a comb through my wet hair. I don’t want to go back to my room and leave things like this. Plus, I’m dying of thirst and haven’t eaten since lunch. Hand hovering with the brush caught on a lug, I frown. Is that what he meant by punishment, sending me to bed with no supper? I’m not fucking twelve.

I unhook my towelling dressing gown from the back of the bathroom door and wrap it tight around my damp body. Tiptoeing down the stairs, I sneak into the kitchen and guzzle down a glass of milk, noticing a bag of toffee popcorn on the side next to a bottle of Prosecco, and a birthday cake. The packaging is undone with a lone used candle inside the box. But whose birthday is it?

I cover my mouth with my hands and gasp.

Crap on a stick. I’ve missed his birthday. No wonder he’s pissed. But how was I supposed to know? What’s worse is I didn’t notice a single card for him in the house. My shoulders drop along with my plummeting heart.

Belle brushes against my bare leg. When I turn, he’s leaning against the door jamb, his hands stuffed in his jeans pocket.

“I was gonna toast your mum’s birthday with you tonight.” His voice is barely audible through the thrashing guilt between my ears.

My watery gaze meets his across the kitchen. “Today is Mum’s birthday?” I’ve been so wrapped up in Kane and my own life, I didn’t even realise today’s date. Not that I’ve ever celebrated Mum’s birthday before. I only found out who she was earlier this year when I turned eighteen.

“Yeah. I always buy a cake for her. Red velvet was her favourite.” He slips back into the living room, the TV light casts a rainbow aura as he drops back onto the couch.

My fingers hover over the red happy birthday text on the cake while I think about a woman I never knew.

I envy the woman who inspired such devotion. Aside from the concept that I had a mum at one point, I have no real feelings for the apparition that clings to Kane. But the palpable hurt in his voice and body when he stepped in here slashed at my heart. I glance over my shoulder through the open door leading into the lounge.

I might not know her, but I can ease the burden from Kane. My fingers tingle with the need to fix the devastation every time he's reminded of my mum.

Guilt weighs heavy, keeping my feet stuck to the kitchen tiles. I should have come home sooner. He’s been grieving alone since I left this morning. I want to be able to join him in his grief, but I have no real emotion or feeling except the overwhelming pull I have to the living room to take Kane’s pain away. I can’t share in his grief, but I can make him feel good.

I pad over to the door and lean against the door jamb. “I’m sorry.”

He shrugs and sips his drink. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to see you for the rest of the night.”

I step closer to him, padding over the carpet bare foot and kneel at his feet. “I’ve never had anyone give a shit about me before. It never crossed my mind to let you know I was all right. I’m sorry.” I don't bother to hide the tears cascading down my cheeks.

He lifts my chin, then leans over me to place the beer on the table. A sigh protrudes from his lips. “I’m sorry, Vi. You mean everything to me.” His gaze penetrates my soul, the weight of his words crushing my chest.

“I won’t put you through that again. I’m sorry.” I kiss his denim covered knees as he strokes my wet hair back from my face.

Fingers caress my face, stroking my wet hair with one hand, and his thumb runs along my lips with his other.

I kiss the pad of his thumb and the palm of his hand, then trail kisses up his denim muscular thighs until I reach his belt. With a quick glance to meet his gaze, pools of fire burn bright, and I unbuckle his belt.

His hand grips my wrist. “Vi, what are you doing?”

“Showing you how sorry I am.” I pull down his zipper.

“You don’t need to do that, petal.” He pulls on my hand. “Come here.” He pats his knee and I climb up, straddling his lap.

His heart beats in rhythm with mine as we hold each other close. Strong hands soothe up and down my spine as he hushes my tears away. He doesn’t know my tears are for him and his pain. All these years he’s suffered alone.

“Hush now, baby girl. Everything’s all right. We’re all right.” His lips press against my cheek, kissing away my tears. I want to be his baby girl and him my daddy, but a daddy that takes care of all my needs. My fingers curl around his neck, holding his head in my palms as he peppers small kisses on my face.

With each kiss brings an abundance of love, and I love him. I peck his lips and trail my hand down between us, holding his gaze for any resistance.

He sighs heavily, then hangs his head low. “Petal, I—”

“It’s okay. I want to make you feel good, too.” My hand slips into his jeans as I climb off his lap, resuming my position on the floor.

He watches me with heavy breaths while I nestle myself between his thighs, freeing his erection.

His fingers work through my hair as I lick the pearl of his desire from the tip before taking him into my mouth. One delicious lick at a time. A low rumble leaves his lips. He lifts as I tug at his jeans, pulling them down enough so I can slip my hand between his thighs and play with his balls.

With his thumb, he traces my lips, tightly wrapped around his throbbing dick, while my tongue greedily laps. “You’re fucking perfect, Vi. So fucking perfect.”

His words spur me on, along with the dancing flames in his eyes. With every suck and lick, as though I’m devouring an ice cream cornet, my centre pulses with need. Unable to stifle my own desires, I climb aboard his lap again, straddling him and take his rough unshaven jaw between my palms, bringing my lips to his.

He grips my hair from behind, preventing our connection as if kissing me would mean going over the edge, stepping into a new world with unchartered territory. But I’m ready for it and my heart thrums at the thrill of a new adventure. Wherever it will lead, I’m safe with him along for the ride and what a fucking good ride it will be.

I untie my dressing gown while he holds my face in place, deciding if he wants to go down the rabbit hole with me. The towel material slips from my shoulders, exposing my bare breasts. I lift, tugging the remaining fabric away and discard it to the floor.

Kane ravishes me with one look, taking my pebbled nipple into his mouth. I run my fingers through his thick waves, caressing him as he suckles, drinking me in like a man dying of thirst.

My hips rock against his lap, desperate for the friction against my swollen clit. Shuffling forward, I gasp when his erection drags along my sensitive spot with perfect precision. “Fuck me,” I whisper in his ear as he moves to suckle on my other nipple.

His eyes flash with white heat.

I lift my dripping pussy from his lap, eager to fill the void, but he grips my hips as I hover above him, the head of his thick length gripped by the muscles around my entrance in a vise, just like the one he holds me in now with his stare.

“I’m not suited.”

Fighting against his restraint and fingers digging into my fleshy hips, I ignore his protest, desperate to feel him inside. “I don’t care.”

He pushes me back, then grips my face, squeezing my cheeks together with his finger and thumb. “You should fucking care.” He scolds. Is he seriously going to parent me again? “You never fuck anyone without protection, not even me. I don’t care how much you want it, or how much your pussy cries for it. You keep yourself protected.” He jerks my face. “You hear?”

I nod. “Yes, Daddy.”

He crashes his mouth to mine, taking my breath away. My mouth parts and his tongue explores every crevice. Every secret I hold in my lips is now his as he delves deeper, licking from roof to every corner, tasting my desire as if sampling a new cuisine in a foreign land.

With his firm hands he grabs my arse and yanks me towards him. Our chests flush, his dick presses against my clit. He breaks the kiss, trailing his lips along my jaw, to my neck, caressing me with his hot breath.

“Do you keep a wrapper in your wallet? Tell me where, and I’ll get it.”

He scrapes his teeth along my neck. “I can’t fuck you.”

My body stills and I push against his chest as my own deflates, but he holds me in place.

“I fucking want to, believe me, but I won’t take you like this.” A vein pulses in his neck as he strains to resist me.

Baby steps, he’s only just kissed me. Guilt mars his face. He’s never fully healed from the past. He’s tormented by it daily, even in the way he needs to control my movements.

I run my fingers through his hair. “You said you’d take care of me.” I hold his face in my palms, forcing him to look into my eyes. “And I need taking care of now, Daddy.”

With small nips at my lip and jaw, he whispers with heavy breaths, “Grind your little bud against my dick until you come, petal. Use my dick to make yourself feel good.”

My eyes widen with excitement that even though he’s denying me the thing I want most, he’s meeting me halfway. Maybe that’s all he can offer right now and I’ll take it. My greedy pussy takes it, too, and I rock my hips again, the warmth of his dick hitting my clit at the perfect angle.

We stare off, breaths panting, chests grinding, hands exploring.

“That’s it, baby girl.”

Hearing the words roll off his tongue adds fuel to my already blazing core, and I detonate. “Kane.” Holding onto his shoulders, I throw my head back.

“I’m here, petal. I got you.” He takes over, riding me from the bottom, thrusting his thick dick against my soaked centre. Fingers dig into my fleshy behind, holding me in place as he uses me for the friction he desperately needs. “Look at me, Vi.”

When he says my name, it’s like a homing beacon, drawing me back to him from the clouds. I tilt my head forward, resting against his forehead. He thrusts against me over and over, my body boneless, resting against his, unable to move as another orgasm crests.

Tingles course through my limbs, causing me to shake uncontrollably. It’s too much, but he keeps his bruising thrusts, holding me tight against him as if we’re fused together in fire.

He gazes into my eyes with all the love he has for me and the desire as he grunts out, spilling his warmth between us and sending me spiralling with him into a new world.

My head rests against his shoulder, his arms hold me tight against him, both of us catching our breath. I don’t think I could move if I wanted to, squished against his hard muscles, my body moulds to him, imprinting each rigid bump into my soft curves.

His knuckles run up and down my spine. “Tired?”

I sigh and hum against him, nuzzling into the crevice of his neck and shoulder, afraid if I move, this moment will be lost and he’ll go back to rejecting his feelings.

His lips find my cheek. “I’ll always take care of you. Even when you don’t know what you need.” He lifts my chin, bringing my mouth to his and runs his tongue along my bottom lip, coaxing my mouth into a slow, passionate kiss. I can barely keep my eyes open, and I submit to him fully as he takes the kiss deeper. “Let’s get you to bed. Daddy’s gonna tuck you in.”

Using his t-shirt, he wipes between us, then I lift myself from him and pick my dressing gown from the floor. He pulls his jeans up, but doesn’t bother buckling his belt, then takes hold of my hand, interlacing our fingers, leading me upstairs. My heart races at the prospect of sleeping in his bed, safe in his arms all night, but he opens my bedroom door, and my chest caves.

He steps into the room with me and pulls back my duvet. I sit on the bed, taking his hand in mine. “Stay the night with me.”

His silence tells me he isn’t going to. Instead, he tugs my dressing gown off my shoulders and pulls the duvet over my chest, tucking me in with a single kiss on my temple. He hangs my dressing gown on the wardrobe door, then turns out my light. “Night, Vi.”

OceanofPDF.com

21

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

After another dreadful night with little sleep, I crack her door open to check on her. Bright hair spreads across her pillow like flames igniting my soul. The sun poking through the curtain, bathes her tits in a celestial glow, like a guardian angel watching over her while she sleeps. My gaze stops at the blanket covering her belly and the small tattoo I long to kiss.

I close her door and my eyes as I think of Ali. Pressing my forehead against the wall of Vi’s room, I whisper, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” But I’m not sure who I’m saying sorry to or for what. There are too many things I need to atone for, and now Vi’s added to that long list.

A need for air overwhelms me and I head downstairs and out into the crisp dawn morning. Once in the workshop, I get to work on the desk for Vi. I should’ve finished this ages ago. She deserves better. I open the tin of wax and, with a cloth, rub the wax into the dark wood.

I can still see Ali as clear as the day dawning outside. Her summer dress flapping against her thick thighs and her chocolate brown hair blowing in the wind. She watches me help Dad sand down Mum’s old cabinet ready to re-paint. Her innocent hazel eyes glide over my chest and the little ink I had back then. When I lift my gaze, she looks away, adjusting her glasses, but she was checking me out.

Dad flicks the switch on the sander, bringing it to a halt when he spots Ali in the doorway. “Her nan’s sick again. Poor kid lost her parents, now she’s caring for her nan. See what we can do for her, son.”

Dropping the sander on the bench, I walk over to the door. “Hey.”

Her eyes dance over my ink, and she brings the book she’s holding to her chin. I pull it down to see what she’s into. “Jane Eyre?”

She pushes her glasses further up her nose and clears her throat. “My nan sent me. Is your mum home?”

“She’s at work. What can I do for you?”

“She wanted more of her… er…brownies.” She opens the book, showing me a few notes.

“Follow me.” I lead her into the house, through to the kitchen. Mum always had a batch of medicinal brownies. She was a carer and knew all too well the effects her brownies had with pain management. Even if it’s illegal in this country, she did what she could to ease people’s suffering. Dad grew it, Mum baked it. It wasn’t even a sideline. She certainly never profited much from it, often giving it away for free to those in need.

“How much do you want?”

She shakes her head. “Whatever you have.”

“Your nan likes her brownies?” I smile, hoping to make her feel at ease.

“It’s…” She chews on the inside of her mouth. “It’s for the pain. The doctors can’t do anything more for her.” She looks down, her shoulders curling inwards over the book she’s hugging like a comforter.

I dip my head and lift her chin. “Hey, I’m sorry. Cancer?”

She nods, and a tear hangs on her lash before dripping down her cheek. She’s quiet, vulnerable, and so fucking beautiful. I wrap my arms around her, bringing her close.

Her sobs muffle against my chest, breaking me in two. “It’s all right. Get it all out.” We were just kids when Ali moved in with her nan after her mum passed away. She’s only seventeen and already been though so much. “You wanna drop these brownies off at your place, then take off for the afternoon?”

She wipes her eyes. “And go where?”

“Anywhere you want to, baby.” If I can give her a break, even for a few hours, I will. Anything to see her smile again.

“I can call, tell her I’ll be back later. She has our neighbour sitting with her now.” She wipes the tears from her cheeks.

“Let’s go.” With the tin of brownies under my arm, I grab Dad’s car keys and unlock the door. I secure the brownies in the footwell of the back seat, then open the passenger door, holding her hand as she climbs into the truck.

Jogging into the workshop, I grab my t-shirt. “Dad,” I shout over the sander. “I’m taking Ali home. Be back in a few hours.”

He shakes his head with a chuckle. “You know her nan lives fifteen minutes away. Five if you’re driving.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I jump in the truck and start the engine. She closes her clamshell phone and pushes her glasses up again, a habit I’m beginning to think she does when she’s nervous. “So who’s Jane?”

“Excuse me?”

I nod to the book resting in her lap.

“Oh. She’s an orphan, living with her aunt.” It’s not hard to read into the similarities in her own story.

“Where do you want to go?” I drive down the country road, not really sure where to take her.

“I don’t mind.” She looks away and pushes her glasses up again.

I take a left and shift into third, taking a steep incline up the peak. One of my favourite places. “You been up here before?” I glance over at her, taking my eyes off the road.

She shakes her head. “Look out.”

“Shit.” I swerve as a deer runs along the road, then darts back into the forest to my right. “You okay?”

She nods. “Keep your eyes on the road.”

I chuckle. “Sorry. It’s just, you're so fucking beautiful.”

She shifts in her seat; her knuckles white, gripping around her book. As we reach the top, an old ruined abbey comes into view. I park the car next to a stone wall with a majestic scene of the lake below. The Bennett boathouse and their wooden cafe, the only thing tainting the land. Those jerks were the bane of my existence growing up around here.

Turning to face her, she flinches. I cover my hand over her white fingers curled around the hardback in her hands. “Don’t be nervous. You know me.” Even though she hasn’t seen me for a while since I’ve been living at the army barracks. “I’d never hurt you. Don’t be afraid.”

She gazes at me, her kissable lips part, and I’m desperate to run my tongue between the seam of her mouth. But I hold back, playing the long game with her, until she’s comfortable with me. “You want to go for a walk?”

“All right.” She unbuckles her belt, and we slip out of the truck. “The view up here is beautiful.”

Gaze locked on her, I couldn’t agree more. Her eyes widen as she takes in the scene that has me mesmerised, as if I’m seeing it all again for the first time through her eyes. “Come on, there’s a lookout point up ahead.”

We walk along the peak talking about how she wants to be a writer, and how she’s applied for college but opted to do her A-levels at school instead so she can take care of her nan. I tell her about life at the barracks and the rigorous training we endure. After a long walk, we circle back to the truck.

“Fancy one of Mum’s brownies?” I quirk a grin.

“I’ve never had one before. I shouldn’t really. I have to take care of nan when I get home.”

Leaning against the truck, I dip my head to get a glimpse of her sparkling eyes through her lenses. “Are you always a good girl?”

“Yes, I guess I am.” She pushes her glasses up again and I realise it’s because she’s always looking down.

I lift her chin. She leans back against the truck, panting heavily as I crowd her, resting my palm at the side of her head. “Take these off.” I remove her glasses, placing them on the top of the truck.

“I can’t see without them,” she whispers with a tremble in her breath.

My hands cup her face. “You don’t need to see, just feel.” I bring my mouth to hers, gently exploring with my tongue. She opens up for me with another breathy whisper and I probe further, deepening our kiss, tasting and savouring her sweet moans vibrating against my lips. I’ve no doubt I’ve just given her a first kiss, and I want to be the one to give her all her firsts and lasts.

“Kane.”

Another sweet voice snaps me back to the present. Vi stands in the workshop's doorway, the morning sun casting a yellow aura around her voluptuous frame. It’s like history repeating itself, but I won’t go through that grief again. The cycle stops here, and it’s down to me to break it. The only problem is to do that, I have to stay the fuck away from her.

“I made you pancakes.” She saunters over, plate in hand, the smell sickly sweet and the colour violet. “Blueberry pancakes, your favourite.” She sets them down on a workbench.

“Thanks.” They are my favourite, but only because they remind me of Vi. I’d never had them until she made them for me. I stand back, admiring the desk all waxed and ready to go into her room. “How d’you like your new desk?”

“Have you been working on this all morning?”

I shrug. “Couldn’t sleep.” I rarely sleep, but since her arrival, sleep has evaded me more and more.

“I love it. Thank you.” She lifts onto her tiptoes and plants a delicate kiss on my cheek.

I hold my breath. She gazes into my eyes, waiting for me to speak or kiss her back. “Vi, look—”

She steps back. “Don’t.” Her eyes glaze over. “Is this why you’re out here finishing this for me as an apology gesture? I guess after last night, a full English breakfast wouldn’t cut it. You had to go bigger. Lord help you if you actually did fuck me. What will your apology be then?”

“I’m sorry, Vi. I can’t give you what you want.”

“How do you know what I want? You haven’t even asked me.”

I step closer, reaching out to hold her face in my palm, but she flinches her head away.

“I know your heart. You want a family, someone to love you. I can be both of those things, just not in the way you want.”

“You mean you won’t fuck me? You’ve no problem wanking over my tits, but you draw the line when it comes to making love to me. I get it.” She holds her hands up between us, hurt crinkling every corner of her face.

“No, you don’t.” My body tenses. “You don’t get it. Damn it.”

“Then explain it to me.” She steps closer, her fingers slipping around my neck. “Kane, please. Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t want me.” She holds my gaze, eyes pleading with me.

Every cell in my body wants to take her in my arms and never let her go. But I can’t tell her that. “It’s not about what I want. You know I want you. I just can’t have you.” I turn away from her so she doesn’t see the remorse on my face.

She pulls me back to her, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing herself against me. “You can have me, all of me. I’m yours, Kane. Since I arrived here, I’ve been fighting the chemistry between us too, but I’m done fighting. I want you.” Her lips press against my mouth, teasing me with her tongue, but I keep my mouth closed tight. One of us needs to be strong. That is my penance, my duty to her mother.

My hands wrap around her forearms, holding her at a distance. “I made a promise to your mum I’d take care of you. What I’ve done is beyond wrong, Vi. It has to stop now. Let me be what you need.”

“What I need is a man who isn’t afraid to admit his feelings and take what he wants.” She spins around and stomps off in a huff out of the workshop, her ass swaying with sass as she turns the corner back to the house.

I pick up my violet pancake, the crushed blueberries mixed with the batter, and the sprinkling of sugar melt in my mouth. Why did she have to look like her fucking mother? Perhaps I could’ve resisted her if she didn’t tempt me with her hazel eyes and stellar curves. But she’s not her mother. She’s her own person, a complete opposite of Ali, in fact. And I fucking love her even more.

With Ali, I wanted to protect her, make everything better, and make her smile. I’m a fixer. It’s what I do. From being a mechanic in the army to fixing the house, and now I’m trying to fix Vi, but she doesn’t need fixing. She’s a strong, independent woman who stopped needing a knight a long time ago. She fixed herself, building a wall up around her. But she let me in, not realising I’m the big bad wolf, and I’m tearing down her defences brick by fucking brick. And with each one, I’m burying myself in a coffin. Because I can’t have her and the closer I get, the more I want her. She will be my demise.

She’s my weakness. Just like her mother was. I paid for one crime, and in the process, I wasn’t there for her or Vi. Things would have been so different. I always imagined living in a house by the lake, kids filling the space with laughter. Family boat trips. A simple, yet happy life with a loving wife and kids

I bought an old house before Dad got sick. I was doing it up, along with a sailing boat. Being out on the water is the only time I’m at peace. I planned to add Ali’s name to the side, but its just another thing I never got around to finishing. The house was lonely, a shell of a dream I once had. It’s still there, dilapidating, just like the farmhouse. I just don’t have the heart left to fix either up for a dream that’ll never be.

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22

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

Kane walks into the kitchen, empty plate in hand. I snatch it from him and throw it in the sink, causing a splash, then continue washing the pots he left from last night.

He leans against the worktop, arms folded across his masculine chest, wrinkling his dirty t-shirt. “I’m going to the cemetery today. I should’ve gone yesterday, but I drove to the shopping centre instead.”

Guilt pounds me in the chest, remembering my mother’s birthday.

The cake sits to the side of him still inside the packaging. My heart takes another hit, thinking of what we did last night. It’s all clear why he’s holding back with me. The love and loyalty he has for her is why he can’t give me what I want. His heart. He doesn’t have it to give.

“Would you like to come?”

I stop scrubbing the already clean plate and glance up into his sad eyes. “Don’t you want to be alone?”

“I’ll take you if you want to come. You’re always asking me about her and I’m sorry if I shut down, but I’ll try to talk about her more if that’s what you want.”

“I haven’t asked much lately because I can see the pain in your eyes when you talk about her and the hurt in your voice.”

“I’m sorry.”

I huff. “You’re saying that an awful lot lately.”

“I’m sorry for that, too.” The corners of his eyes crinkle with the sad smile tipping his lips. “It was always too painful to remember the good times, so I shut them out. Locked them up in a corner of my and threw away the key. But since you came, The door somehow unlocked itself and I’ve been remembering her with a smile.”

* * *

The cemetery is only a short drive and I feel bad for not asking to visit her before now. It never crossed my mind that I should pay my respects. I’m still bitter and blame her for giving me up so easily and not fighting harder.

I slip out of the truck, pulling Kane’s coat closed to block out the blustery wind. I bought myself a load of new clothes yesterday, but not once did I think to purchase a winter coat. His smell envelops me, and I inhale every bit of him, burying my face as I pull the collar over my nose. A musky scent that’s all him with a hint of oak and oil.

“It’s this way.” He points between rows of headstones in the landscaped park. A gust of wind ushers me along the grassy path. Orange leaves rustle at my feet as we walk under the dying trees.

Kane interlaces our fingers together, guiding me towards a stone angel perched on top of a slab of granite. Despite the wind and the chill that lingers on my spine, a warmness blooms in my chest with how he holds me close.

A large rose bush covers most of the memorial, thorns scratching at the angel’s wings. Detaching himself from me, Kane kneels, pulls out a penknife from his jeans, and trims the bush back, revealing the words engraved on the stone.

In loving memory

Alison Carter

Died age nineteen

A loving daughter, granddaughter, and mother

Now sleeps amongst angels

I roll my eyes at the loving mother part. Am I missing something? The woman gave me up.

Kane stands, dusting off his knees, and places a kiss at the top of the headstone before stepping back to me. “You okay?”

I nod, pulling the collar of his coat around my neck. He slides a hand around my waist, pulling me to his side with a kiss to my temple.

“Do you…” I pause, not really sure what’s appropriate to talk about at cemeteries. “Do you talk to her?”

“Sometimes. Other times I just come and tidy things up.”

My eyebrows pull inwards. “How often do you come here?”

He shrugs. “Whenever I want. I haven’t been since you showed up, but before, I would probably come once a month.”

“Do you have anything you want to say? I can wait in the car.”

“I said it all yesterday when I lit her cake. Do you want to be alone?”

“No.” I grip his jacket, holding him close like a safety blanket. He doesn’t realise I don’t have the same love for her as he does. I have nothing to say other than why? And she can’t exactly give me the answers I crave. But he can.

I lift my head to meet Kane’s gaze. A light pattering of rain hits my forehead. “Tell me how she died.”

He stares at me for a long time, then presses a kiss to my temple. “I told you it was the bottle.”

“But what? Liver disease? I need to know, Kane.”

His rough palms cup my face, warding off the chilled wind and the pitter patter of rain falling heavier now. “She was mentally unstable, suffering from depression and trauma. She wasn’t like you, Vi. I know she’s looking down on you, and she’s so fucking proud of how strong and independent you are.”

I grip his wrists as he holds my cheeks, heating my face. “What happened?” Tears gather in the corners of my eyes, guessing what he’s about to say next.

“She wasn’t built for this world. Everyone she’d ever loved left her. Even me. She was all alone, Vi, with a small baby, and an illness that consumed her. She never gave you up. For as long as she could, she clung on to you. She tried her best, Vi. You have to believe that.”

Tears drip down my cheeks, mixing with the tears from heaven as if Mum is watching over us. The wind howls through the trees, rustling the brown leaves at my feet. “What happened?”

“Social services took you away. There was nothing I could do. I wasn’t around. She had no family. If I could, I would have kept you for myself, but social services thought it best to place you in a different town with supervised visits. It was the final nail in the coffin. She wasn’t strong enough to fight, but she loved you with all her heart.” He pulls me against him, his bulging biceps cocoon me in a shell of love. His heart pounds against my ear and with each trembling breath he takes, my heart cracks a little more.

Everything makes sense. Kane was in the army. Mum had lost her nan, and was all alone with a baby. I get it’s daunting but others manage it. She isn’t the first person to get pregnant at eighteen and she won’t be the last. But Kane’s guilt is so clear now. He blames himself for not being around. He thinks if he was here to take care of her, social services wouldn’t have taken me away and Mum wouldn’t have drank herself into oblivion.

“Don’t cry, petal. None of this is your fault.” His hand strokes my hair as his warm lips press along my hairline. He doesn’t know my tears are for him, for this guilt he’s carried all these years.

I wipe my cheeks on his jacket and bring my head up to his, pulling up on my toes. “None of this is your fault, either.” My lips press against his and he closes his eyes, burying himself in my neck with a long sigh, heating my body with his warm breath.

“I should have been here.”

“How long are you going to torture yourself? Do you think Mum would want you to live like this?”

“I know you’re right.”

“She would have forgiven you, even though there’s nothing to forgive.”

He bristles in my hold, his eyes piercing and jaw tight. “It’s not her forgiveness I need.”

“Mine?”

He lets out a long ragged breath and closes his eyes, lifting his face to the heavens.

“There’s nothing to forgive.” What we’ve done, I wanted it all. He may be old enough to be my father, but I’m old enough to know what I want, and it’s him. The sooner he gets over his guilt trip, the better.

“Kane, look at me.” I run my palms over his unshaven jaw, the sensation flickering a memory of last night. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

His head rests against mine, but he holds me at bay, preventing me from kissing him like I desperately crave. I push against his restraint, inching closer to his lips.

“I can’t, Vi.” He turns around and hastens down the path towards his truck.

Rain pelts my face, and I welcome it, dousing the heat and fire I feel for him. I take one last long look at the grave. “Between us both, I think we fucked him over. If you care for him at all, Mum, help me mend him. I don’t know how to help him.” As if the heavens heard my plea, the rain stops and the sun peeks through a break in the dark clouds, shining on Kane’s truck as he opens the door, like a spotlight on a stage. It’s then I know I must go to him.

I open the door and climb into the passenger seat. He starts the engine and drives home in silence. Words clog in the back of my throat. I can’t seem to find the right one. The longer the silence, the more words join the lump gathered there, preventing me from speaking.

Back at the house, he flicks the switch on the kettle. “Tea?”

I glance at the bubbly next to the cake. “Prosecco?”

He turns the kettle off. Grabs two tumblers from the cupboard, and pours us both a drink.

I slide into the wooden chair at the oak table. The kitchen fills with the same tension as the truck. “Cake?”

He hands me the cake and a knife, then sits at the head of the table adjacent to me. Our knees knock as he scooches the chair forward.

I cut him a piece, and he shakes his head. “More for me then.” A moan escapes as the buttery icing melts on my tongue and the red velvet cake crumbles against my lips. “So good,” I mumble.

He chuckles.

“What?” More crumbs tumble from my lips.

He wipes the frosting from the corner of my mouth and licks it from his finger. The act dampens my knickers and I shuffle against the hard wooden seat as my pussy thrums for his touch.

“You’re missing out.”

“Watching you enjoy it is enough for me.”

I gulp down the last mouthful, then sip my Prosecco for a little courage. The chair scrapes along the floor as I stand and collect a fork from the drawer. He slides his chair back to stand.

“Don’t get up.” With the fork in hand, I sit on his lap.

“Vi.” My name is a breathy rumble, telling me exactly how he feels.

I fork off some cake and bring it to his lips. “Open.”

He does as I ask, taking the cake. His eyes dance with excitement as he rolls the cake around his tongue.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” I fork off another piece and feed him again. “I want to take care of you too, Kane. Like you take care of me.” Moisture pools between my thighs as I shuffle against his leg, seeking a little friction. The seam of my jeans catches against my clit, causing my walls to clench.

“Delicious,” he says, gazing into my eyes.

I drop the fork, cake forgotten, as I press my lips to his. He allows me this, but despite my teasing tongue, his lips won’t part.

He pulls away, holding my face in his hands. “I can’t, Vi. I won’t use you for my selfish pleasure again.”

“You’re not using me. I want this and you do too. I know you care about me, so don’t pretend you don’t.”

“You mean everything to me. You’re the only thing in my life that’s pure and untainted by the past. Even though you’re woven into its thread, you’re innocent, and I want to keep you that way. I want you to blossom like a violet in spring. I’m only keeping you in shade, contained like a houseplant in a small pot. You need the sun to reach your full potential, and I’ll be damned if I hold you back. You deserve to flourish wild and free, not hidden away here with me in darkness.”

“Violets can thrive in the shade, too. They don’t just need sun, they need water. You’re the water I need, Kane. The earth to keep me grounded. Don’t push me away.”

“I’m not pushing you away. I’m setting you free.” He holds me tight. “Don’t make this any harder than it is already. What we did last night. What we’ve done is all on me. I let myself indulge in you and it was so wrong, because I can’t keep you. But I’ll always be here for you. You have the potential to do so much more and be whoever you want to be, and I won’t hold you back.”

I finally understand what he’s saying. He’s parenting again, but an old phrase comes to mind. I can’t recall where I’ve read or heard it.

When you love someone, set them free.

He does love me. I feel it with every touch, every penetrating gaze, every rugged breath. There’s no doubt he loves me, but I can’t tell if it’s the love you have for a family member or the love you have for a lover. I’ve never had either to compare. Even with my past conquests, none truly loved me and nor I them. It was just taking care of business, a bit of fun. But with Kane, it’s more than that. Maybe it was lust at first, but last night was more. Staring into his eyes as I rubbed myself against him was like making love. Probably the closest I’ve ever felt to another soul.

I lift from his lap with a heavy heart, but I respect him and I won’t push or tempt him anymore. He has enough demons that he fights daily, and I don’t want to add more salt to a wound that never healed. The truth is, I love him and I make a conscious decision now to set him free.

“I won’t kiss you again until you’re ready to embrace the possibility of us.” My fingers graze his shoulder as I leave the table and head to my room.

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23

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

“Did you make this?” Vi holds up a Christmas ornament from a box of decorations she found in her room.

“Probably. Mum enjoyed making stuff out of clay. She was crafty like that.”

“We should get a tree, hang these decorations up. Do you have an artificial one?” Her hazel eyes peer up at me from the floor of her room as I fix her desk that I’ve restored.

“We haven’t had a tree up in this house since Mum was alive.” I slide a drawer onto the runners. Her eyes dull. She packs the ornament away and folds up the box. “Christmas is overrated anyway, don’t you think? Just another way for the big corps to cash in and line their pockets.”

She sighs. “You’re right. Just a bunch of people buying crappy gifts out of obligation.”

Judging by her face and tone, that’s the sort of gifts she received. “You had nice stuff as a kid, though?” I hold my breath, hoping her foster family spoiled her at least. I figured she was well taken care of. Thought she would have been adopted.

Her shoulder lifts into a shrug. “They bought me gifts, yes, but there was never much thought behind it. If Maddie wanted an iPad, she got an Apple iPad, and I got a cheaper option, always saying Maddie had earned it and I hadn’t because all I did was get myself in trouble.”

More of the casing around my heart crumbles. No wonder she was always acting up. “I’ll buy you an apple iPad if that’s what you want.”

“That’s very generous, but I’m not that fussed now.” Violet slides the box of decorations under the bed. “I’ll have a PlayStation, though.” Her cheeky smile shows her dimples. I’m not loaded, but I’d buy her anything she wants just to see her smile.

Her bright smile fades along with her dimples. “It’s like Maddie was put on this earth just to make me look bad. She’s the perfect daughter in every way. My foster parents used to say, why can’t you be more like Maddie? I can’t even hate her because she was the only one in that house who was actually kind to me, but the moment she slammed a door and mouthed back to her parents, I got the blame. My behaviour was a bad influence on her, apparently.” A smile quirks her lips as she stands and stares at the desk.

I slide in another drawer, place the screwdriver on the windowsill, and shove the screws in my pocket. My fingers curl under her chin, lifting to meet my gaze. “If they couldn’t handle you, that’s on them, not you.”

“I was wild.” She giggles to herself.

“Was?” I quirk a brow. “You still are.”

“You seem to handle me quite well, though.” She bites her lip, taunting me with her fingernails dragging along my tensed upper arm.

“Careful, Vi. Or you’ll see just how well I can handle you. I know what you’re doing.” I stare into her eyes with a clenched jaw, every muscle in my body desperate to give in. My lips want to crush hers, but I keep them closed. My hands want to squeeze her ass, but I fist them into balls. The only muscle that isn’t listening to my demands is my cock, that grows thicker by the second. Every moment I’m standing in her presence, the pull is stronger, my dick harder and my will weaker.

She waves a hand in the air. “Oh, chillax. I’m just playing. It’s fun to get you going.”

Fun? My dick’s chafing against the denim and she thinks this is fun. All the things I’d love to do to her. She wouldn’t be tormenting me once I had my way. She’d be begging me to stop from the amount of orgasms I’d wring out of her. I bet she’s never been with a real man. A man that knows every secret of a woman’s body.

“Do you want a drink?” She wanders out the door.

“Coffee, black—”

“I know, plain no sugar. I’ve lived here long enough to know how you take your coffee.” She disappears down the hall.

My chest aches for her. I wasn’t bothered about Christmas. The festive season lost its sparkle a long time ago for me, but listening to her talk about it in the same way hit differently. When I was eighteen, I still enjoyed coming home on leave, spending time with Mum and Dad, and seeing Ali. It was a special time. She shouldn’t be so cynical about it. Not at her age.

The last Christmas I spent with them, I was nineteen. Mum brought Ali’s nan over in a wheelchair, and we all sat around the big oak dining table.

Ali pushes her glasses up, her cheeks all rosy from the heat of the range cooker and the roast turkey dinner placed in front of her. She looks just like she did last night when I took her virginity. Something I’ve been desperate to do all winter while I’ve been at the army camp. She wasn’t ready the last time I saw her, and I didn’t want to rush her. We have the rest of our lives. I wanted this to be special, but damn, it’s all I’ve thought about. Each time I received one of her letters or spoke to her on the phone, I’ve been savouring the day when I could fully make her mine.

The windows in the kitchen cloud with condensation, and now and then she wipes her lenses on her green Christmas jumper. Mum sits down after serving the last of the plates. “Shall we say grace?”

We all hold hands and thank the Lord for what we are about to receive. None of us are overly religious or go to church, but it’s the one day of the year Mum insists on giving thanks.

Ali’s nan struggles to cut her meat with her weak bones. Mum stands to help, but Ali turns and cuts it into bite-size chunks. I think that’s why I love her so much, her caring nature just like my Ma.

“So, when are you two going to get married? I’m not going to be around for much longer, you know,” her nan says, waving her fork between us.

Mum’s face beams with pride. She loves Ali as much as I do.

Ali shuffles uncomfortably in her seat. Her face reddens as she scolds her nan under her breath. I interlace my fingers with hers under the table, giving her a reassuring squeeze. We’ve only been together since the summer, but nothing could scare me away. She’s worried about rushing me, thinking it’s too soon. I don’t want to marry her and then leave her alone. When we marry, I want to at least be able to spend time with her and not be on the other side of the world in some godforsaken desert.

I swallow the mashed potato rolling round my mouth, then clear my throat. “I’m being deployed in the new year.” That’s not the only reason. I would get down on one knee right now, but I don’t want to rush her. We’ve only just taken the next step in our relationship. There’s plenty of time for everything else to follow.

Her nan’s features sink deeper than they were before. She moves the food around her plate and sighs out a long breath. “I just want to know she’s taken care of when I’m gone.”

“Mrs Carter, I love your granddaughter. I promise you she’ll be taken care of.” My thumb strokes the back of her hand under the table.

She clasps her other hand around mine and glances up at me with her beautiful hazel eyes. I kiss her nose, causing another bloom in her cheeks. One I’m going to recreate again later. So many things I want to do to my little wallflower, my shrinking violet before I go on tour.

“Coffee, black.” Vi snaps me from a distant memory.

“What are you smiling at?”

I shake my head, but can’t hide the whimsical smile on my face. “Just thinking of your mum.” It was in this room too, where we stayed. My old room. It looks completely different now, especially since I’ve added the desk and bookcases for Vi. “You’re nothing like her, you know. I mean, you’re the spit of her, but that’s where it ends.”

“Is that why you don’t want me? Am I not angelic enough?”

If only she knew it makes me want her more. Ali was always a good girl, but taming Violet brings out the beast in me, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep him under control.

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24

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

Desperate to read another letter, I slip into Kane’s room to put some clothes away and knowing he’s out delivering a unit; I pull out the box from under his bed. Delving a little deeper this time, I retrieve a blue envelope that opens up into a letter on the reverse. It’s addressed to Iran with the date around ten months before I was born.

Kane

I received a scholarship for the creative writing course at Leeds University. Nanna would have been so proud. She always loved my stories and said I would make a great author. And now this is the beginning of my dream. I only wish she’d lived long enough to know I received the scholarship. A-levels were so hard to complete while caring for her, and I barely scraped through, so this has come as a huge surprise.

Since Nan passed away, I’ve been going out a lot more. It’s nice to make new friends and just hang out. As much as I miss Nan, I have a newfound freedom that I’ve never had before. Nobody to tell me what time to come home or worry about getting nan’s pills. It’s liberating.

How’s things with you? Your letters have become less frequent. It makes me worry when the postman passes the house with nothing for me. Your letters were the only thing that kept me going for so long. Stay safe and come home to me. I miss you so much.

Your loving Ali

xxx

This letter seems more positive than the last. It brings a smile to my face, knowing Mum found some happiness after her nan passed.

A car engine sounds from outside and I stuff the box back under the bed. My heart rate quickens as I scramble to put his things how they were. If his bedding is loose even a little, he’ll know I’ve been snooping.

I make it into my room before his footsteps tread the stairs.

“Vi?”

“In here.” I flop on the bed with Jane Eyre, covering my face.

My bedroom door creaks open and I peer over the book to a beast of a man standing in my doorway. My core clenches as it always does when I take in the sight of him. He strolls in, completely unaware of the effect he has on me. At least I think he’s unaware, although Belle can probably sense my arousal from downstairs.

He sits on the bed, dipping the mattress at my side, and I roll into him. “I got you something.”

My heart races. Heat seeps from the pores of my cheeks. The last time we were like this in this exact scenario, he’d bought me a vibrator. He lifts a carrier bag and I clench my thighs together. My nipples pebble and chafe under the lace of my bra.

The only sound is the rustling of the bag as his hand disappears inside and the deafening sound of my heart pounding between my ears.

“Is it a new toy?” I croak out. Trying to make light of the crackling tension in the room.

His shoulders rock with a chuckle.

“A dildo?” I laugh along with him. Anything better than the awkward silence. “Nipple clamps? I know you’re a sadistic fuck.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you. It’s just some books.” He pulls out a pile of notebooks, holding them in one large hand. “There was a sale on.”

My mouth parts. Speechless that he would be so thoughtful.

He continues to pull items from the bag. A pack of pens, highlighters, sticky notes. “I thought you could start writing your stories again. Or just have them on your desk as ornaments. It looks a little bare.”

Stationary is my porn. That and Kane’s tattoos.

I glance over at the wooden desk under the window, looking rather sparse. “Thank you so much.” I take them from him and set them on the surface of the old pine that Kane stained to match my bookcase. “Since I arrived here, I’ve had a zillion stories buzzing around my head.”

Every day, he surprises me more and more. It’s like having a best friend to talk to who’s also a guardian who looks out for my safety. I can have fun with him, but at the same time, he keeps me in check. Nobody has been able to balance that line with me.

All the families I lived with over the years never understood me and just wanted to control me into their way of thinking and do what they wanted me to do. My different foster parents were always either too strict or not strict enough, but Kane is both strict and lenient, understanding yet firm. I know where I stand with him and I like having him care for me. It’s controlling but caring at the same time and I’ve never had that before.

* * *

“You can sit next to me. I won’t bite.” I give him my best smile from the sofa where I sit.

He lifts his head, the cherry glowing in the dark room. Smoke curls from his lips, distorting his fiery eyes, like he’s just stepped out of hell. “No, but I might.”

My thighs clamp together. I pat the cushion on the sofa. “You can’t see the TV from over there.”

“Who says I’m watching the TV?” His eyes burn darker, eye fucking me in my bed shorts and a vest that’s a little snug and doesn’t match. He lifts his hoodie over his head, exposing the mouth of the skull on his stomach as his t-shirt rides up.

The hoodie lands on my head. “Cover yourself.”

I pull it into my lap. “I’m not cold.” The heat from the burning logs paired with his heated gaze is stoking the fire inside me.

“Cover yourself, or I won’t be responsible for my actions.” His chest rises and falls with slow, heavy breaths. His grey t-shirt tightening and loosening over his broad muscles.

I can’t deny the pulsing in my core each time he looks at me. A part of me wants to be a brat and defy him just to see what he’ll do. I fold the hoodie up and place it on the arm of the sofa. “I think I’ll stay like this.” My body relaxes into the cushions and I unclip my bra, slide the straps down each arm, then pull it from under my vest before tossing it over the back of the sofa. “That’s better.”

“Don’t tempt me, Vi.” A growl rumbles from the chair.

“I’m just getting comfy.”

“You’re just making this harder for the both of us. That wetness between your thighs can’t be comfy.”

“Maybe you should take care of that, then.” I bat my lashes, biting my lip. “Daddy.”

“Oh, I’ll take care of it.” He leans over, stubs his joint out in the ashtray on the coffee table. His gaze turns to fire and brimstone, a torturous penetrating stare. “Last chance, trouble. Last chance to do as you’re told.”

My heart hammers against my chest as heat rages between my thighs. I’m speechless, motionless as he stalks towards me. His rough hands scoop me up and he throws me over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” He carries me up the stairs. A low growl leaves his lips with each tread of the staircase.

“Teaching you a lesson.” His arm holds my thighs against his chest and my head bobs against his back.

I wriggle my ass as he goes up the stairs; the drop looking awfully precarious from this angle. A slap to my bottom with a loud crack causes my body to jerk.

“Hold still.”

The anticipation of what he’s going to do to me is too much to bear, my centre throbs, dripping with arousal, he must be able to sense it with my ass practically in his face, his arm wrapped around the top of my thighs, almost touching the dampness of my shorts.

Walking down the landing towards his bedroom, I hold my breath, but he bypasses the door, heading into the bathroom instead. He flicks the light on, turns on the shower and lowers me in the tub, under the spray of freezing cold water.

I scream. The icy blast hitting my skin is enough to douse out any furnace. “You asshole.”

He folds his arms over his chest and laughs. A proper belly laugh, too, at my expense. I lift my leg to get out, but he steps closer. “You’re not getting out until you’re willing to behave and stop torturing me.”

Cold water drips from my hair, soaking my vest until it’s transparent. He notices too, staring at my pebbled nipples through the fabric. A shiver travels down my spine, but I can’t tell if it’s the cold water or the heated stare that’s causing it. “Please Kane.”

“Please what, petal?”

“Take care of me.”

“I’m trying, Vi. Lord knows I’m fucking trying, but this greedy pussy of yours just won’t let up.”

With his body tense, the vein in his neck ready to burst, he turns and stomps out the door. “Don’t come down until you’ve learnt your lesson.”

Heat morphs to anger. I said I wouldn’t kiss him until he’s ready to accept us, but I can’t keep fighting this pull towards him. I’m not as strong as him. Why won’t the bastard just give in?

I pull off my drenched clothes in a huff and turn the temperature up in the shower. After washing my hair and the slickness from between my thighs, I’m more annoyed than hot. I towel off, then dress in full pyjamas and a t-shirt.

With damp hair, I pad into the living room. Kane relaxes on the sofa with his feet on the coffee table. Some action movie plays on the screen. His tongue darts out, wetting a Rizla as his gaze roams my body. He looks satisfied and pats the cushion on the sofa, gesturing for me to sit.

I reach over his lap, my loose tits bounce in his face, making his brow furrow. A giggle escapes, and I snatch the hoodie from the arm. “Chill out, dad. I’m covering myself like you asked.” I pull the black hoodie over my head and drag the wet strands of hair out, letting it pile in the hood.

Relaxing back against the sofa, I kick my feet up on the coffee table, almost touching his.

Kane holds the joint he’s rolled in front of me. “Are you gonna be a good girl?”

I nod, and he releases the spliff, allowing me to take it. He flicks the zippo, then goes back to rolling another. A floral aroma fills the air as I inhale and the flavour lingers on my tongue.

Kane lights his joint and relaxes back against the cushion. His arm rests against the back of the sofa behind me as he casually exhales a plume of floral smoke.

“What are you watching?” I lean over Kane to flick the ash in an ashtray precariously balanced on the arm of the sofa.

He doesn’t flinch, just staring at the screen. “Die Hard.”

“Isn’t that a Christmas movie?”

“The best Christmas movie ever made.”

I huff. “Are you serious?”

He turns his head, showing me just how serious he is.

“Everyone knows the best Christmas movie of all time is.” I tap my finger against my lips while I try to think of my favourite movie and I actually can’t name one. It’s never been my favourite time of year.

His hand curls around my shoulder. “What’s up? Can’t think of a better one, can you?” He pulls me close, tickling my ribs.

I giggle, holding my roll-up in the air, so as not to burn anything. My head lands in his lap. I gaze up at him to see a genuine smile etched on his face. I love him relaxed and playful with me. “In truth, I’ve never seen any, not even this one.”

His rough palm strokes the hair back from my face. “I’m glad. We can watch them together this year.” He puffs on his joint. “At least I can give you one of your firsts.”

My centre tingles, making me wish I’d saved all my firsts for him. “You can introduce me to all the old classics.” I tease with a bite of my lip.

He quirks another grin. “Carry on, petal, and I will tickle you until you’re screaming for mercy.”

“Don’t make threats like that. I want you to tickle me, remember? Especially in a certain place between my thighs.”

He shifts underneath my head. “You don’t give up, do you? What happened to that toy I bought you? Isn’t it enough for your insatiable pussy?”

Another giggle escapes me, the effects of the spliff relaxing us both.

“Got the giggles now, Vi?” He rests his palm on my stomach, over the thick hoodie I’m wearing.

I stroke the back of his hand with my fingernails, enjoying the closeness of being with him in a platonic way, despite the protest from my vagina. He interlaces our fingers, then brings the joint to his lips using his other hand.

“Do you know what this is called?”

“No.”

“Violet Delight.”

“Come again?” I exhale, letting the smoke spiral above me.

“The gear, it’s called Violet Delight. A personal favourite of mine.”

A giggle rocks my chest. “What a coincidence. Was it a favourite of my mother’s too?”

“She didn’t smoke. I told you she was a good girl.”

“Ah yes, the celestial angel that can do no wrong.” My voice is a little condescending, but I don’t mean it to be. I just get sick of competing with her. I’ve had to compete with people my whole life and now I’m competing with a fucking ghost.

“You don’t need to be jealous of your mother.” Kane takes another drag of the joint and stares absently at the movie.

I am, though. The mere mention of her name makes me green with envy. She might not have had much, but she had the one thing I crave. She had Kane’s unconditional love, able to make love to the man without guilt or shame clouding any thoughts. He could be with her without judgement.

My fingers clasp his hand tighter, my thumb stroking the skin on his hand. He does the same, our thumbs duelling for affection. I want everything she had with him and more. I want him to kiss me whenever the mood takes him and not give it a second thought. I want him to take me to his bed and make love to me until sunrise. I want to be there for him and take all his pain away.

We both have what the other needs. If only he would give in to it, he could find some happiness in this miserable world. We both could.

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KANE

Belle wags her tail with the clanking of Vi’s engine outside. I rush to the door, grabbing a tea-towel from the back of the kitchen chair.

She enters the house and bumps into my chest. “Oh. Hello.” Her knees bend and she gives Belle a stroke. Standing straight, she chews on the inside of her mouth. “Are you gonna let me in, then?”

With a grin, I hold the tea-towel up. “Put this on. I have a surprise.”

“Is this where you tell me all about your kinks?” She has the silliest giggle. “You’ve been to the toy shop again, haven’t you?”

“No, but I think I need to take you. You haven’t stopped going on about it.” I tie the rolled tea-towel around her head, pulling the knot taut at the back.

“This is damp. I hope it’s clean.”

“Stop your whining. Do you want your surprise or not?”

“Yes, but when you go back to the toyshop, get a proper blindfold, a tea towel isn’t sexy.” Her arms wave around in front of her. She’s completely disoriented and now facing the door.

I can’t stop the laugh that rocks my shoulders, watching her walk around the small porch area like a zombie.

Her hands land on me, her palms gliding down my torso, then slipping under the hem of my t-shirt. She fingers the ridges on my stomach, her thumbs rubbing in slow circles. I let her play, enjoying the feel of her hands on my skin. “Is this my surprise?”

My stomach gyrates with another laugh and I pull her hands from me, keeping hold of them as I guide her into the living room. Belle circles us both, her tail swishing against the low branches. “Stand still.”

Vi places her arms at her side. I flick a switch and watch the coloured lights dance on her face. She smiles, the divots in her cheeks on display. “You ready for your surprise, petal?”

Her fingers tug at the blindfold. I stand in front of her and untie the knot at the back of her head, then step aside, giving her full view of the 7ft Christmas tree adorned with twinkling lights. My chest swells, taking in the sight of her like a kid on Christmas morning, and there aren’t even any gifts under there yet.

Her mouth parts, eyes mirroring the glowing orbs, flashing from one light to the other. “I thought you didn’t celebrate Christmas.”

“I didn’t say that. I’ve just not had a reason to celebrate. Until now.”

She takes a step towards me, closing the distance between us and throws herself at me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I hug her back and swallow all the words I want to say, but they jumble on my tongue. I want her to know that her being here has given me a reason to make an effort. Since the day she showed up, I’ve made sure my fridge is stocked, I clean up after myself, and I’ve even started making the repairs this place desperately needs.

It’s all for her.

“Thank you,” she whispers, her warm breath fanning my neck and her soft lips pressing against my skin there.

I hold her tight, not wanting to let her go just yet. Is this what love feels like? It’s been so fucking long since I really loved anyone, the last person, probably her mother. Since then, I’ve hated myself too much to let anyone in. Even now, Vi doesn’t know the real me. If she did, she wouldn’t be standing here now. I only let her know what she needs to know because I want to keep her with me for as long as possible.

I pull away, holding her at arm’s length before my dick takes control of my head and I have the sudden urge to kiss her, or worse. “Why don’t you run upstairs and get that box of ornaments from under your bed?”

She nods her head with the biggest smile on her face, then runs out of the room. I follow, walking into the kitchen to check on the pasta bake, opening the oven and giving it a stir. Vi appears, her chin resting on the brown box in her arms. I close the oven door and take the box from her, carrying it into the living room, and place it at the foot of the tree.

She sits on the floor with her legs folded, then opens up the lips of the cardboard box. All Ma’s old ornaments are here, nestled among the memories of growing up in this house.

Vi holds a snowflake made out of lollipop sticks, covered in glitter. The words ‘Kane age 6’ written on the back of one of the wooden sticks. “Another one of yours?” She cocks an eyebrow with a small grin on her face, as if teasing me. “I can’t ever imagine you being six.”

“Didn’t you make cheesy dec’s when you were a kid?” I bend down and grab a red bauble, placing it on the tree.

“If I did, nobody kept them. Mum. I mean, my foster mum only ever had the most expensive tree ornaments and you dare not touch them. I smashed one of her precious glass ornaments once and I was put on the naughty step for what seemed hours.”

The more I hear about the fuckers who should’ve cared for her, the more I want to hit something, preferably them. I clench my back teeth together, but give Vi a small smile. Those bastards were given a gift, and they didn’t take care of it properly. I’ve never been a parent, but I could do a better job than them. If they’d loved her like they were supposed to, she wouldn’t be here, getting all excited about a fucking Christmas tree.

It only makes me want to do more nice things for her. Give her a proper home and be her family. She fits in well with me and Belle. I definitely don’t want to go back to the lonely place it was before.

Belle nuzzles in the box, finding a small soft knitted Santa. “Give it here, girl.” I ruffle her fur and take the Santa from her jaw. “Ma knitted this.” I hang it on the tree in the middle.

“Did she make this one, too?” Vi hangs a handmade clay star on the tree. I turn it around to read the date and the words ‘Our first Christmas’.

“Your mother made that one.” Her eyes widen. She must notice the date was a good year before she was born, but she says nothing. I’d told her that her mother got pregnant before she met me, but I was in the army, two tours back to back put a strain on our relationship. We would have made it though, I’m sure of it. If only…

I let out a long breath.

So many ifs. One thing’s for certain: if things hadn’t played out how they did, Vi wouldn’t be here now. Looking down at her beautiful face full of hope and happiness, I don’t think I’d have it any other way.

If she keeps pushing my buttons, though, I’m not sure how long I can play the guardian role when all I want is her in my bed.

As much as I want to be a good man, I am a man first and foremost.

This young curvy girl who taunts me has no idea of the beast inside, desperate to be set free and unleash all the pent up desire I have for her.

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VIOLET

Sleet hammers against the window, along with a howling wind that blows the flimsy curtain through the cracks in the old wooden frame. My dark bedroom lights up with the flash of lightning, followed by a rumbling from the heavens.

I roll onto my back with my hands under my pillow, bringing the white feathered cushion over my ears to drown out the noise. Something wet hits my face. Then again. I flick on the bedside lamp, looking up at a swell in the ceiling.

Great. I scan the room for something to act as a bucket and spot a plastic tub with some old books I’ve yet to sort through. Once emptied, I place it on my bed under the leak and pad to Kane’s bedroom. Another rumble from above greets me as I tiptoe into his room and a flash of white highlights his masculine features and the black ink adorning his body. A bent leg sticks out from under the duvet, covered in a tattooed fallen angel. To an outsider, he could be the devil, but I know his heart.

“Kane.” I hover over him, giving his shoulder a shake. “Kane.”

Firm hands grip my arms and robust legs tangle in mine. I’m thrown on my back on the other side of the bed, a knife at my chest. Kane’s piercing eyes drill into me just as the blade’s sharp edge presses into my skin.

The room floods with light as another lightning bolt strikes. “Kane, it’s me.” My voice croaks.

He snaps, dropping the knife to the side of the bed with a clatter of metal hitting wood. “Are you all right?” He taps the bedside lamp, turning it on, then he examines every inch of my body.

“Kane. I’m fine.” I say the words fine, but my trembling body doesn’t agree.

“Damn it. I could’ve killed you.”

“You didn’t. I’m fine.” My shaky hand reaches up to stroke his cheek and pull his messed hair back from his forehead.

“You’re bleeding.” He tilts my head to get better access to my neck.

“I don’t feel anything.”

His lips make a liar out of me when they press against my collarbone, making my centre tingle. He’s an animal licking a wound, then his hot mouth trails my jaw, until he reaches my lips.

He pulls back slightly to look into my eyes, as if seeking permission for what he’s about to do next. I part my mouth and lift my chin, inching myself closer to feel his warm ragged breaths against my lips.

It’s all the signal he needs to dive in one swoop, taking my breath away. With his stolen kiss, my body thrums with desire. Another flash lights up the room along with my soul as he deepens the kiss. His tongue dances with mine, tasting every corner of my mouth. I drink in this moment, my fingers freely running through his raven hair, tugging his head tighter to me, telling him without words that I never want him to stop consuming me.

The weight of him rests at the apex of my thighs, and I spread my legs wider to gain more friction from his growing erection. My hips rock against his full naked length, dragging along my clit, a slither of cotton, and my nightshirt is the only thing between us.

Without breaking our kiss, he reaches to the bedside table, yanks open the drawer, knocking over the lamp in haste. But he doesn’t stop his assault on my mouth or the grinding of his pelvis in rhythm with mine.

Another rumble from above, but more distant. The hammering of my heart drowns the sound of rain beating against the windowpane. I’ve never been more connected to one person than I am to him, in tune with everything he feels, and I want more. I want him to consume me fully, heart, mind, and soul. It’s his for the taking and I arch my back, offering my body to him.

A whimper leaves my lips as he breaks our kiss, and I inhale deep breaths as if gasping for air, as if his kiss breathed life into me and now I’m starved of oxygen.

His hands roam my body, and his mouth finds my nipple over the cotton of my nightshirt. I moan, calling out his name as he sucks hard and bites through the fabric.

Fiery eyes flash to me before lowering to my stomach. His fingers trail under the hem of my shirt, lifting it over my breasts. He licks both nipples in turn, each one ready to cut glass after his attention.

His lips move south, pressing delicate kisses down my soft stomach to the flower tattooed on my hip. Nobody has ever paid this much attention to my body before, like he’s detailing a classic car.

My body thrums with desire as he hovers above my centre. Rough hands rip the lace of my knickers in two, making way for his devil’s tongue to wickedly pierce my slit.

Long licks through my folds have my moans amplified. His tongue dragging along my clit with perfect precision as he hoists my thighs over his shoulders.

Another rumble, but this time from him as he groans against my centre, sending a vibration of tingles through every cell. He devours me, fucking me with his stiff tongue.

Back arched, toes curled, I pant out each syllable of his name as I stare at the thick black waves between my thighs. In a state of rapture, I don’t think it can get better than this, until he presses his thumb against my clit with the right amount of pressure, his tongue swirling at my entrance, and I detonate.

White heat strikes through my body and every synapse bursts. I throw my head back against the pillow, catching my breath. This may be my undoing. I could die in his arms tonight, but I would die knowing I lived. Is it so wrong to love him? How can one not love this man despite all his flaws?

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KANE

From the minute I saw her standing on my porch, I wanted to bury my face between her thick thighs. When I saw her beneath me, I thought I was dreaming; a familiar fantasy of her violet hair spread out on my pillow. But now I’m swirling my tongue around her clit and dipping into her soaked pussy, I’m very much awake.

Her arousal has me on a high, like inhaling a deep toke of violet delight for the first time, discovering a new flavour. Now I’ve tasted it, I’ll never be able to satiate the craving.

Her trembling legs drop to the side as her body turns to jelly. The moans from her lips are now a whisper. The lamp lies toppled on the bedside table, highlighting the glow on her face. I kneel in front of her, stroking my length. The tear from the condom wrapper causes her to open her eyes. I pause, studying her, making sure she wants this. Fuck. She shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t want this, but I do. I’ve never wanted anything more. Now she's in my bed. The temptation is too much.

Her lips part when her eyes move south. I suit up, then lean over, waiting for permission. Her fingers tangle in my hair and she yanks me to her mouth. Lips smothering mine, wordless, but she tells me all I need to know. My latex covered dick slips through her folds until I find the tight muscle of her entrance and inch in. Shivers race the length of my spine and with each flash of lightning, my blood sparks, igniting a furnace low in my belly.

Resting my palms on either side of her head, I lift to gaze upon her beautiful face. I need to see the permission in her eyes as I push in deeper. A flash of her mother haunts me. Her first time when I was slow and gentle. Bright light highlights the violet hair splayed on my pillow, reminding me that Vi isn’t her mother and this isn’t her first rodeo, so I push in deeper with a groan and a rumble from the heavens.

Then we’re fucking.

Hearts pounding, flesh slapping, teeth clashing, breaths gasping. Her nails scratch down my back like a rabid animal fighting for dominance. She struggles beneath me, trying to match my rhythm.

“Vi.” Her name tumbles from my lips. I’m close. Too fucking close. I smother her whimpers with my mouth. Her arms wrap tight around my neck, holding my body against hers. Her legs wrap around my waist and I slow my movements, wanting to savour the moment and the feel of her gripped around me.

“Never stop fucking me, Kane.” Her back arches and I slip my arm under her as she offers up her breasts. My mouth covers her nipple, circling her peak with the tip of my tongue. Another whimper escapes, then her body jerks in my hands.

Her pussy clamps down around me. My balls draw tight. I groan along with thunder from above as I rumble my release. A bolt of lightning strikes through my soul, blasting more of the casing away from my heart. She squeezes me, milking me for all I’m worth. This is more than fucking. As the thunder rips through the sky, she’s tore through my soul, fusing us together as we come undone in unison.

A bead of sweat trickles down my back, and another delightful shiver follows. Her hooded eyes close as she lays limp against my sheets and I’ve never seen a more delicious sight. With my own vibrating limbs, I lower myself to the side of her, then pull her face to mine, peppering kisses over her cheek, eyelids, and nose.

Her sleepy eyes peer open, showing me the amber flecks of her hazel irises. The lamp still toppled behind her gives her a yellow aura, as if she’s an angel bringing my salvation.

“Well, that escalated quickly.” She hides her giggle with her hand and I pull it away from her smile, entwining our fingers.

“Are you all right? I wasn’t too rough, was I?”

“Never better, but I only came in here because there’s a leak in my room.”

My head springs from the pillow. “A leak?”

“From the ceiling, it was dripping on my bed.”

I jump up from the bed and pick up my strewn jeans from the floor. Making my way down the hall, I pull them on as I rush to see the mess caused by the storm. As I flick the light switch, a buzz sounds from the ceiling, then the lightbulb flickers before it gives out with a pop. “Fuck.” The small amount of light from the hall is enough to highlight the swelling ceiling.

Thunder rumbles in the distance, and the rain softens against the window. I push her bed from under the swell and leave it for tonight. I’ll fix the leak in the morning and deal with the damage.

“Is it bad?” Vi appears at my side, her nightshirt back on.

I kiss her forehead. “It’ll be fine. Go back to bed. You can sleep in my room tonight. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

Her eyebrows pinch. “You’re not coming back to bed?”

“I sleep alone.”

“Are you serious? After what we’ve just done, you’re just going to leave and sleep on the couch?”

I run my palm over my tired face. The disappointment in her eyes cracks a piece of the casing around my heart. “I’ll come and tuck you in.”

“I’m not twelve.” She spins on her toes and stomps down the hall, her ass peeking from under the shirt, she’s still naked under there and as much as I want to go back for round two, I need sleep if I’m to fix this fucking house tomorrow. I told Dad to sell it for years and move in with me at the lake house, miles away from here, but he wanted to cling onto the memories of Mum. I guess he wanted to die here like she did. But as he got older, the house fell into rack and ruin and it’s not worth a great deal in the state it’s in.

My plan was to move in and get the house fit to sell, but I ended up living here, haunted by memories. This room was my old bedroom, the one I shared with Ali. The one where I took her virginity and made her mine.

I walk back to my room with a heavy sigh. The door creaks open. Vi has straightened the lamp and is under the duvet, facing the window. Rivulets run down the glass as if the house is still in mourning.

So much pain. So many ghosts and unshed tears. My chest aches. I want to be able to sleep next to her, hold her all night and protect her, but I’m the one she needs protection from. The nightmares never go away. If I lash out in my sleep, I’ll never forgive myself. I can’t risk hurting her again.

The mattress dips as I crawl to her side and pull the duvet around her neck. I press my lips to her temple. Her eyes stay closed, but I know she’s not sleeping. Light bounces off the dagger on the bedside table and I reach over her, turn off the bedside lamp, and collect my knife. I sleep better with it.

Before I leave, I brush her hair back and kiss her neck. “I’m sorry, Vi.”

“Whatev’s.” She doesn’t flinch or open her eyes, but the disdain in her voice suffocates me.

I close the bedroom door gently and slump down the stairs. I’m sorry for a lot of things, but most of all I’m sorry I can’t be the man she needs. I’m a fucking selfish bastard. She needs a father, and I’ve just ruined everything. We can’t come back from this.

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VIOLET

I roll over to stop the sun shining in my eyes. No wonder Kane’s always up early, he doesn’t have any curtains. I hug the duvet around my neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of him, weed, and sex that lingers in his bed. Despite my annoyance with him last night, I’ve had the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had, probably due to having the best sex of my life too. He’s ruined me for other boys. I can’t imagine anyone ever topping that. The way he looks at me as if it’s the last time he will see me or be with me. Maybe it is. I hope not.

With no clock in his room, I’m unsure of the time. I pad down the hall into my room. My phone is on the bedside table. Kane had moved the furniture out the way of the leak. The smell of coffee hits my nostrils and I hear cutlery being pulled out of a drawer.

My empty stomach wills me downstairs. I grab a pair of pyjama shorts, seeing as I can’t find my knickers, then I remember Kane tore them in two. A smile lifts my cheeks and my pussy clenches at the memory.

With a tingle coursing through my veins, I rush the stairs with hunger in my belly, though I’m more hungry for him than anything. I slow my movements and pad barefoot into the kitchen. He’s cooking.

Fucking pancakes.

My body tenses. Not another apology breakfast. I thought after last night he would accept our fate. How many times can one person apologise for wanting someone? What do I have to do to let him know I want this? It’s okay to want me because I want him too. I need him like I need my next breath.

He turns and places a plate of pancakes on the table. His gaze drifts over me, lingering on my face. “Hungry?”

I swallow. “I’m not eating another one of your fucking remorse dishes.”

“Is that what you think this is?” His lips curl in the corner as though this is funny.

“Isn’t it? This is what you do, isn’t it?” I fold my arms across my chest. As hungry as I am, I would sooner starve than swallow his guilt.

His muddy boots trudge along the kitchen tiles. “I’m not remorseful.” His hands grip my shoulders, steel-blue eyes search my face. “Are you?”

My jaw drops, parting my lips. His breath fans my cheek as he inches closer to my mouth, but hesitates, seeking permission. Without words, I seal the approval he requires with my kiss. Tongues tangle in a promise. His rough hands roam my body, finding their way under my shirt to the bare skin of my back. A shiver runs the length of my spine and I shudder in his arms. He deepens the kiss, holding me against him.

“Now are you gonna eat my breakfast or do I have to force feed you?” A smile reaches his eyes, wrinkling his temples with the weary lines I’ve come to love.

“I’ll let you force feed me anything as long as there’s no bitter aftertaste.”

He raises a brow with a smirk playing on his lips. “Is that so?”

I hop on the table next to the plate of pancakes and pick up a fork.

“Wait. Do you want syrup?” Kane takes the fork from me.

“Yes.”

His palms glide up my thighs. “Yes, what?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

He shakes his head with a grin. “I meant please. Where are your manners, Vi?”

“You can’t talk to me about manners when you left me alone last night after what we did.” My legs swing under the table.

His shoulders slump. “I’m sorry about that. I sleep alone. It’s the only way I can get any sleep.” He turns around to face the cupboard and pulls out the syrup in a squeezy bottle.

“So when Lilly long legs stays over, you don’t sleep?”

He chuckles again. “You jealous of Lilly?”

I roll my eyes.

He squirts the syrup on the pancakes in long ropes, then cuts a piece off and brings the sugar-coated fork to my lips. “She would sleep in the bed and when she was asleep, I would slip into the other room. She knew I slept alone, and she never pushed it.”

I take the pancake from the metal prongs and mumble with a mouthful of food, “I’m sorry.”

“No harm done. Eat.” He forks off more syrupy pancake and brings it to my lips. The food tastes almost as good as him.

I shuffle to the edge of the table and wrap my legs around him, pulling him closer to fit snuggly at the apex of my thighs. “I just missed having you close.” My lips find their way to his and he allows me a peck in between feeding me.

“One more bite, then Daddy needs his breakfast.” He smiles with a sinister grin on his devilishly chiselled face.

I chew the last bite, studying his onyx eyes, dark with desire. His fingers tease at the waistband of my shorts and I lift my bottom to allow him to slip them off. He unbuttons my night shirt, exposing my breasts. With ravenous eyes, he dives down, covering my nipple, circling the stiffened nub with his tongue.

My hips rock, rubbing myself against the denim of his jeans, desperate for any friction. “Kane. Fuck me. I need you, please.”

“Don’t worry, Vi. I know what you need and I’m gonna take care of you.” His searing mouth moves lower, sucking my flesh as if he can draw blood as he makes his way over my pillowy stomach.

I gasp as his hot breath hits my sensitive spot. “Wait.”

Black eyes flash to mine. He hovers, waiting for consent.

“Do you want syrup on your breakfast?” I lift the bottle, open my legs wider and spread my folds as I squeeze the sticky sugar all over my pussy. The coolness of the thick gloop sets me alight, pulse quickening as tingles race to my centre.

Kane stares at my sweet sex, eyes wide, jaw lax like a kestrel hovering over its next meal. The sauce glides down my slit, gathering at my entrance. In one swoop, he dives in for the kill. His tongue lapping up the sweetness between my folds and piercing my walls. Gripping my thighs with his rough hands, he holds me in place while he eats me out.

Unable to squirm as he devours me, I cry out instead. My body jerks with each stab of his tongue. His teeth scrape along my clit with perfect pressure. Fingers dig into my full behind, bringing me closer to the edge. Groans vibrate through my core, making my toes curl.

I hold his hair in my fist, and he groans again. With another vibration and strum of his tongue, I shake uncontrollably. My body thrums with elation as an electrical surge pulses through me.

Kane doesn’t stop feeding, but I can’t take any more. “Kane.” I can’t get more words out. My legs vibrate around his head, my toes gripping the edge of the table. I can’t lift my body as I lie limp against the oak.

“Kane,” my voice trembles, but he doesn’t stop. His licks continue their assault on my sensitive spot, each one more vigorous than the last. Each one more dominant, taking what’s his as though it’s his last meal before judgement day. Another groan vibrates through my body, causing another wave of ecstasy to crash through my soul.

“Kane. I’m too sensitive.” Nerves fire off randomly, twitching and jerking my limbs.

He lifts to look into my eyes, his mouth covered in my sex along with the sweet scent of syrup. “I’m not done yet.” His sticky lips press against mine and his tongue swirls around my mouth, giving me a taste of myself coated in sugar.

With hooded eyes, he makes his way south again, to my pulsing sex. Biting down on my folds, he eats me again. The buckle on his belt clinks and my walls clench, knowing he’s about to fuck me like he did last night.

“Fuck,” he groans. “I don’t have a condom.”

“Please Kane, I want you inside me.”

He coaxes a finger inside, then another. I lift on my elbows, watching him stroke his length and finger my aching pussy. My eyes fix on the way his biceps bulge as he fists his cock, his eyes focus on his fingers slipping in and out of me.

“You want more, Vi?”

I nod, unable to speak.

He adds another finger. “Three.” His thumb applies the right amount of pressure against my clit. “Four.” Another finger stretches me to the hilt as he crooks them against my g-spot. “I can’t get enough of watching you come.”

His fingers summon another orgasm from me, wringing out every last nerve, making me dizzy. “You’re squirting for me, Vi.” Tears pool in the corner of my eyes as warmth floods my centre. “Baby girl, it’s fucking beautiful to watch you come all over my hand.

He climbs on the table, hovering above me with his dick in his palm. “Now it’s my turn.”

My eyes grow wide and I lean up on my elbows to watch as he strokes his erection over my squidgy stomach. I glance between him and his dick, then ropes of cum spurt over my skin, coating me in his arousal and marking me as his.

He grunts as he fists his dick again, forcing every last drop onto my belly. “Does that look like remorse to you?”

“No.” I swirl my finger in the warm spill and lick it off my pad. “It doesn’t taste of remorse, either. It tastes like satisfaction.”

He grips my shirt at the collar and pulls me to him, branding me with a blistering kiss. “Go take a shower. We’ll have to get you on the shot or something before the week is out.”

A smile spreads across my face, knowing he wants to do this again.

He fists my hair, holding my head in place. “I need to come inside you. Do you want that, Vi? My thick cock squirting inside you?”

“Yes.” My voice is nothing more than a squeak. Heat slashing my face as he stares into my eyes, seeing all my deepest desires. The ones where I want him to fuck me all over this house, in every position possible, over and over again.

I saunter back upstairs on a delirious high. After I’m showered, I walk into my room to retrieve some clothes and hear Kane scrambling around in the loft. He whistles when I drop my towel and I peer up into the breached ceiling to find him smiling down at me. “Perv.”

He chuckles and continues hammering.

“Does it look bad?” I ask as I tuck my boobs into my bra.

“Not from this angle. You’re looking sexy as hell.”

Heat floods my centre, and a smile pushes up my flushed cheeks. “I meant the roof.”

“It looks like it’s been leaking for a while. Nothing I can’t fix.”

Once dressed, I walk into Kane’s room and make his bed, finding my torn knickers under the duvet. I throw them in a small waste bin in Kane’s room, where the used condom is tied and a load of tissues. A smile pushes my cheeks up, wondering if he’s been jerking off like a horny teenager while thinking about me, just as I have him.

I make his bed, tucking in the corners just so, knowing he likes it neat, probably from his military days. On my hands and knees, lifting the mattress to tuck in the bottom sheet, I spot the brown box filled with letters through the slats.

Kane

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been preparing for university in September. I don’t know whether to sell Nan’s house or not. I suppose it would be nice to have a home to come back to in the holidays. Although it’s become a bit of a party house recently, but it’s been nice to have company. I finally fit in somewhere and have a great group of friends.

I hope you’re safe and things aren’t too bad for you out there. Depending on when you can get home, I may be at university, but we’ll catch up at some point.

Ali

I read the letter again, looking for some sign of devotion. But no I miss you’s or her usual sign off. Is this when they’d split up? Maybe the long distance thing wasn’t working for her. My heart sinks a little at the lack of emotion in Mum’s letter.

“Vi, you there?” He calls from down the hall.

I stuff the letter back in the box and slide it back under the bed frame. “In here, just making the bed.”

“Come and give me a hand.”

I follow his voice into my room. His muddy boots are trampling all over my bed sheets as he holds a fresh piece of plasterboard to the ceiling. He moves a hand, letting it sag on one side, then places a few screws in his mouth. “Screwdriver,” he mutters with the screws between his teeth and gestures toward the electric tool on the bed at his feet.

I pass it to him and watch his inked bicep bulge under the strain of the plasterboard as he secures it to the wooden beams above. “Did you fix the leak?”

He takes another screw from between his lips and screws it in the plaster, going along one of the beams. “Loose tiles. Must have happened during the last storm. There was quite a bit of water damage, but it should dry out now.” He hands the screwdriver back to me while he pulls more screws from his pocket and places them in his mouth. Then I hand him the screwdriver back.

His t-shirt rides up each time he lifts his arms to secure another screw, giving me a glimpse of his tight inked stomach. The mouth of the skull laughs at me, almost tormenting me. My tongue runs along my lip as though I’m tracing the outline of the snake that delves beneath the denim. My body steps closer to him and I catch his scent; oak, sweat and something else that’s all man with a hint of my arousal still lingering on him. I want to roll in him, like a dog basking in his scent, so everyone knows I belong to him.

Kane secures the last screw and steps off the bed. “I’ll patch up the plaster later and paint it tomorrow. It’ll be as good as new.”

“I’ll get the bedding in the wash, seeing as you trampled all over it.”

“You can sleep in my bed again tonight.” He pecks my nose. Such a simple gesture, yet so loving.

“Are you going to sleep with me?” I gaze into his eyes, my own full of hope.

“I sleep alone. You know that.” He kisses my lips as if it will make up for the loss of him last night.

“Did you sleep with Mum?” The words tumble out and I hold my breath, my fingers wrap around my throat to stop myself from blurting anything else out.

He freezes in the doorway, his back to me. “She was the last woman I slept in a bed with.” His head drops as he slumps away and down the stairs. It must have been the army. Something happened while on tour. He clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, but it all makes sense why he sleeps with a knife. It has to be something traumatic.

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

While Vi is still at work, I sort out her room. The ceiling needs painting after I patched it up yesterday and skimmed over the plasterboard. There’s always something to do in this place. I used to see this house as a curse, but since Vi showed up, it’s become a sanctuary. There’s no place I’d rather be than here with her.

Her presence pushes me to fix this place up. I have the lake house that I’d like to take her to eventually, maybe for her birthday. My fingers scratch the scruff on my chin as I think about taking her there for Christmas, but she has work and I have a shitload of furniture orders to restore. Besides, the lake house is still in a state of repair. Even the boat needs work.

The clanking of her old mini comes into earshot. I dip my head, glancing out her bedroom window to see the pink monstrosity driving up the dirt road. My stomach twitches at the sight of her stepping out of the car, her violet hair blowing in the wind.

Belle bounds down the stairs when the door clicks. Vi’s soft voice travels up the stairwell. “Hello girl. You miss me. I know. It’s been a long day, and I missed you, too.”

A thousand bees take flight in my stomach, causing my body to buzz with excitement as her footsteps become louder on the stairs.

“Kane?”

“In here.” I step down from the bed, place the tin of paint on the windowsill and rest the brush on the lid.

She enters the room with a beaming smile on her face, which quickly vanishes when she looks up. “You painted the ceiling?” It was more a statement than a question.

I know what she’s thinking. I’ve mended the leak and patched up her ceiling so she can sleep in her own room now I’ve sorted out the mess, but she can still sleep in my double bed. “If you’d rather sleep in my room. I don’t mind sleeping in here.”

She pouts, folding her arms over her chest. “What I want is for us to sleep in a bed together.” She stomps her foot like a bratty two-year-old trying to get her own way.

“You can be a brat all you want. It won’t change anything. I sleep alone. I won’t put you at risk.”

“Well, what if I said I won’t fuck you until you sleep with me?”

A laugh causes my chest to shake. “I think you’d cave before me.”

“Want to bet?” Her eyes slant in my direction.

My fingers curl under her chin. My head dips, catching her lips. Her mouth parts, allowing me to circle her tongue with mine, eliciting a moan from her that stirs my cock.

Her fingernails gently scrape the back of my neck, sending a course of electricity down my spine.

With one swoop under her legs, I lift her in my arms and carry her the two steps to the bed, gently placing her on the mattress covered in a dust sheet. I cage her in, hovering above her. “Who’s winning now?”

“All right, I cave, but it will be me winning when your big dick is filling me up.” She tugs at the zipper on my denims. Her wicked smile is all too tempting and that bite of her lip is all too enticing, but I have too much to do right now. These past few days have been nothing but fucking. She’s reduced me to a horny teenager again.

“You’re a bad girl, you know that?”

“You like me bad.”

“I’ll enjoy punishing you for being bad.”

She sucks in a breath, but I suck it back out as I claim her mouth again, my teeth biting on her bottom lip.

“I have a lot to sort out, so I’m gonna have to finish this later.” I climb off the bed and grab the paintbrush from the windowsill. Standing on the stepladder, I continue to paint the ceiling.

She sits up in a huff. I can’t tell if it’s because I left her wet or because I won’t stay the night with her. She undresses in front of me, taking off her work uniform. I know what she’s doing. A little smirk lifts the corner of her mouth as she catches me staring.

“Brat. You’re gonna pay for this later.”

“I hope so.” She giggles, then pulls on her leggings and my old Nirvana t-shirt. It’s snug, but looks better on her than it ever did on me. “I’ll put some dinner on.”

“Hey. You forgetting something?” I tap my mouth and she skips over, then gives me a kiss as I bend to meet her lips.

“I’m sorry I was a brat.”

“I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Tyres crunch on the gravel. I glance out the window to see one of Dad’s old pals towing his classic MG.

“Want me to see to it?” Vi asks.

She’s more than capable of seeing what’s wrong, and it’s clear she loves the old classics, but I should say hello.

“I’ll go. He’s a mate of my dad’s.”

She looks out the window at the car behind the MG. “He’s with Toby from the band.”

I place the brush on the paint lid on her windowsill again and head downstairs with Vi following behind. I know I’ve no need to be jealous of some punk kid. They’re just friends, but something nags at me that she should be someone her own age. Maybe one day she will. But first I’ll make the most of the precious time we have together.

* * *

The workshop door opens, blowing in a biting wind that carries the scent of blueberry pancakes. I wipe my hands on a cloth and stalk over to Vi. “Hey, my favourite.”

She smiles, holding up the plate of pancakes, but I’m talking about her. She’s my favourite thing in this whole world. I wrap my arms around her waist, lifting her off her feet to bring her lips to mine.

Her giggle and bright smile light up the dull workshop. She kisses me softly, but with the heat of a roaring fire, setting my body alight despite the bitterly cold morning.

“Did you sleep well?” I pepper her face with kisses as if I haven’t seen her in a week.

“I’d sleep better if you would stay with me.”

I close my eyes, bringing her close. I wish I could sleep with her, but the last time I stayed in a bed with a woman, I almost attacked them in my sleep. The nightmares never go away and that moment between sleep and waking is always hazy. My mind plays tricks on me, deceiving reality and bending truths. It’s always his face, I see, and hers. I should have been there.

Opening my eyes, I stare at her beautiful face, sliding my hand over her violet hair. How can something so beautiful come from something so bad?

“Wipe that bratty pout from your face before I remove it with my tongue.”

“I like the sound of that.” She slides her palms down my t-shirt over the ridges of my stomach. “I also like the sound of you removing other things, too.” Her fingers tug at my belt, the familiar sound of her clinking the buckle open has my cock stirring.

“You had my cock last night.”

“I want it again. You said you would always take care of me, Daddy.”

“You’ll have to wait, petal. I don’t have a condom on me.” I step away and pick up a rolled pancake, before my dick gets ideas about diving without a swimming cap. The sugary roll tastes just as good as her. The purple colouring of the mixture is tangy against the sweet coating of syrup.

She chews on her bottom lip with a wicked smile, pushing the apples of her rosy cheeks up. “Today is day seven since I got the shot.”

I cough, almost choking on the pancake as it absently drifted down the wrong hole with my lax jaw. The roll drops to the plate and I toss it aside on a pile of wood. With sticky hands, I yank her pyjama bottoms down, letting them pool at her feet, then grip her thighs, hoisting her onto the nearest cabinet.

She yelps. “Mrs Walker’s cabinet.”

“Fuck the cabinet,” I growl, nipping at her neck, popping the buttons to her pyjama shirt as I go. “I’m gonna fuck you raw on this unit.” My rock hard dick chafes against the denim. Vi makes quick work of unzipping my jeans and setting me free as I drag her top over her shoulder, baring her glorious tits.

“Tell me, petal, are you ready for me?” She answers with a gasp as I dive between her thighs to check for myself, lapping up her sweet nectar. Today I’m a bear, feasting on her honey. My hands maul her body, squeezing and scratching every part of her flesh while my tongue explores every crevice.

A moan vibrates in her chest. Her fingers slip through my hair, digging into my scalp with every lick of my tongue. “Fill me up, Kane.”

My eyes shoot to her hazel irises rolling back in her head. Thick eyelashes flicker with pleasure, and I’m ready to explode from her scent alone. Her arousal drips from my lips, coating the week’s scruff on my jaw. The polished wood on Mrs Walker’s dresser gleams between her legs, her pussy dripping with desire.

I stand, smothering her mouth, unable to quench my thirst for her. My full length presses against her entrance, pushing through her tight walls with ease into a furnace of heat.

“Vi. Vi. Vi,” I pant her name with each thrust of my hips. More words roll on my tongue, but I can’t speak them out loud. It’s not fear that she won’t return my love, but fear that she will and I don’t fucking deserve it.

Soon she’ll go and live the rest of her life and I’ll just be some guy she fucked for a while, wanting to get a taste of what her mother had. She said she wanted to know everything about her mother. There’s no better knowledge than stepping into her shoes, only I never fucked Ali like I do Vi. I’ve never fucked anyone like I do Vi.

She’s a wild horse that needs to be tamed, and I’m doing my damnedest at breaking her in just a little without breaking that spirit I love. Her supple curves are made to be worshipped and her violet hair just asking to be pulled. I do just that, yanking her head back, and she gasps. I feast on her neck, licking and biting, marking her delicate skin.

“Harder Kane.” Her nails scrape down my biceps as she clings to me, as if her life depends on it. The cabinet rocks, drawers shaking with each bruising thrust.

“My little flower likes it rough?” I fist her hair tighter, forcing her to look at me with flickering lashes. “My perfect pretty petal. Who do you belong to?”

“You, Daddy.” Her eyes light up, glistening under the fluorescent tube hanging from the rafters of the barn.

“Who gets to touch your greedy pussy, taste you, and fill you up?”

“You. Only you.”

“Good girl.” I crash my lips to hers, hungrily taking what’s mine. Knowing I’m not going to last much longer—with her wet heat wrapped around me so fucking tight and slick—I slip my hand between us, circling her little bud. “Come for me, Vi. Come for Daddy.”

Her hands squeeze my biceps, her head drops back and her limbs shake along with the cabinet. Her walls tighten around my dick, then a gush of warmth coats me from the head, dripping onto my balls as her orgasm pulses around me. “Damn, I can feel everything, Vi.”

She flops onto me, her head resting on my shoulder as I wring her orgasm of every last spark, her body jerking with each aftershock and I work my dick into her faster until the fluorescent light above blinds me. With my head rolled back, staring at a bright light, I think I’m in heaven.

In this moment, I could die a happy, fulfilled man, but God has other plans for me. This Nirvana is penance for my sins, so when it’s taken away, it will hurt all the more. But I will take every minute I can, basking in her delight, and maybe, just maybe, she might come back to me one day.

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OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

Kane’s been in the garage most of the week working on Mike’s MG. I sort the washing out and can’t help a sneak under his bed as I do most days when I’m alone. Each time I read Mum’s words, I get to know her a little more. Her stories in her books aren’t the same, they’re just stories. Her letters are what’s real, her life experiences and what she felt.

Reaching to the bottom of the box, I hope I find a loving letter today, or better still, a letter from Kane to Mum, but I guess they would be with Mum’s things. A thought crosses my mind that they’re in one of the suitcases or boxes stacked in the spare room. I’ll get to sorting those out another day.

My eyebrows pinch when I read the address on the envelope to Kane Harding, Her Majesty’s prison.

Kane

I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. It’s just too difficult to get there with a baby in tow. Although I’d like you to meet her at some point, if you still want to. I put your name on the birth certificate like you asked. Everyone thinks she’s yours anyway, which is for the best. Your mum helps when she can, although she isn’t doing too well herself.

We spoke about this many times, but I can’t understand why you still want to be with me after everything that’s happened. I feel ashamed and responsible for how things played out. It’s really lonely at Nan’s place. Nobody comes round anymore. Who can blame them? Nobody wants to be friends with someone whose boyfriend murdered their baby’s dad.

My one friend, Cheryl, has gone to university and I’m grieving for the life I’ve lost, then I feel guilty for your lost life. Ten years is a lifetime.

Love Ali

I gasp for air, reading that one sentence repeatedly, trying to make sense of it.

Nobody wants to be friends with someone whose boyfriend murdered their baby’s dad.

There’s a hammering in my lungs as if someone is knocking down my walls and cutting off my air supply. My head screams like a warning siren. He lied to me. Kane lied when he said he didn’t know who my father was, if I’m reading this letter correctly. My eyes scan it again to be clear.

Nobody wants to be friends with someone whose boyfriend murdered their baby’s dad.

He’s a murderer. My dad. He killed my father.

I search the box for another letter to Her Majesty’s Prison. Frantically scanning each envelope until a single one lies at the bottom of the box. The last letter.

With trembling hands and a shaky breath, I read the contents.

Kane

By the time this letter reaches you, I will be long gone. I’m sorry about your mum’s passing. She was a kind woman. I’m glad you were granted temporary release for her funeral. Seeing you at the grave was too much for me to bear, but I’m glad you could see Violet before she was taken. Thank you for signing the papers. I know you were reluctant to give her up, hoping we’d one day be a family. But that could never be. It’s better this way. If she ever found out the truth about you, it would destroy her. She’s better far away from the both of us. We’ve given her the chance at a better life than we could ever give and I can go, knowing she’ll be taken care of.

I’m sorry about everything. You say I’ve nothing to be ashamed of, but I have so many regrets that haunt me. My days are a living nightmare. Sleep never comes and when it does, I’m haunted by the past. I can’t go on like this and now Violet is gone. I have nothing to live for.

Forgive me.

Ali

Tears flow freely, staining my cheeks. She killed herself. She couldn’t live with what he’d done and ended it all. He’s a monster. I’ve been sleeping with the enemy.

I stand, letting the envelopes on my lap drop to the floor. The letter slips from my fingertips like a feather floating to the ground. Leaving the haunting reminders, I stumble to my room with weak knees and throw everything I have into a duffle bag. The same bag I had my life packed into when I arrived here.

My head dizzies as I walk down the stairs, pulling my bag behind me. Tears make it difficult to see clearly, like rain on a car windshield. I can’t wipe them fast enough to keep up with the constant flow.

I freeze in the kitchen. My lip quivers.

Kane places a mug of coffee on the side and rushes over in his work clothes, engulfing me with the smell of engine oil and his woody scent. “Vi, what’s wrong?”

Words won’t form over the golf ball lodged in my throat. But the terror in my eyes reflects in his.

“What’s happened?” His silvery-blue eyes have never looked so sharp. “Tell me who’s hurt you.”

“You.” My voice croaks. I step to the side, but he grips my waist.

His eyes search mine. “What have I done?”

A ball of fury grows in the pit of my stomach, and I unleash it. “As if you don’t know. You lied to me. You said you didn’t know who my father was.”

His jaw ticks, but he stays silent, which confirms everything.

“You murdered him.” I wipe the tears from my face. “My mother killed herself because of you.” I stand in front of him with my fist clenched around the handle of my bag.

His silence thickens the air.

“You don’t deny it?”

He drops his head, unable to look at me any longer. “No.”

“Who is my father? You at least owe me that much.”

“His name was Gavin Bennett.”

I suck in a breath. My head pounds. His name swirling around the fog. “That’s why you didn’t want me hanging around the twins.”

More silence.

My hands clasp over my mouth. “Oh no. Are they my brothers?”

The ink on his neck ripples as he swallows. “Cousins.”

The air evaporates from my lungs. My chest caves. I have cousins. Two of them. I step around him and walk out of the kitchen. He makes no attempt to stop me.

I turn in the doorway, choking back a sob. “You let me fall in love with you.”

He tilts his head. “You love me?”

My heart beats in my throat. “I could never love a monster.”

His eyes dull and I run to my mini as fast as my legs will carry me. I throw the bag in the small boot, then start the engine, thankful that she starts on the first attempt. Kane makes no moves to follow or stop me as I pull off the gravel drive.

I’ve no idea where I’m going, but I need to get away from this house, away from him, so I can breathe and think clearly. My palms swipe at my face and I wind my window down, inhaling the crisp cold air biting my face. My body’s numb, but emotions rage through me like a tornado. Before I realise it, I’m on the other side of the lake on the dirt road to their house. To Jesse Bennett.

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

I always knew I couldn’t keep her. The truth had to come out, eventually. Violets are wild flowers that need space to thrive, and here she was suffocated in lies and deceit.

Wondering what she’d discovered, I make my way up to her room. Nothing seems out of place, though everything is off because her things are gone.

I drop on her bed, resting my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my palms. She was like a rare violet backed starling visiting for a short while, lighting up my life and giving me purpose. Now she’s gone to find a new home, taking everything good that she brought out of me with her. Like the night takes the sun. I’m in for one hell of a long winter.

Opening her bedside drawers, I search for any clues she may have left behind. Nothing but the purple gift I bought her. Memories of our time together flash through my head. Everything about our relationship was wrong from the start, but it felt so right. I almost let myself believe it could work.

Deluding myself this last week only made this harder to stomach. I’m a monster. A fucking selfish one at that. She deserves better. She should be with someone her own age. Someone decent from a good home. The sort of person I was before everything went to shit. Anyone but those fucking Bennett brothers.

I slam the drawer shut and make my way down the hall towards my room. Opening the door, I drop to my knees at the carnage. Letters litter the floor, like dead leaves scattered to the wind. I haven’t looked at her mail in so long. With Vi’s presence, Ali was almost forgotten.

This is her way of punishing me for taking advantage of her daughter. She gave her up wanting the best for her and I ruined that in the space of a few months. I thought Vi could be my redemption, but she’s my penance. This is my purgatory, a living hell of wanting something unattainable. The universe fucking with me, letting me have a taste to then snatch it away.

With heavy bones, I scoop up the letters, not even bothering to glance at the words. I’ve read each one a thousand times already. The parts of my heart Vi had pieced together break away, causing a sharp crippling pain in my chest. I throw the letters back into the cardboard box and shove it under the bed, out of sight. I don’t need anymore reminders of Ali or Vi. Both women live in my head rent free, both look alike but yet both so different.

Engine revs become louder and the gravel on the drive crunches together. A spark ignites my dying heart in the hopes it’s Vi coming back to me. I rush over to the window, but it’s just Mike coming to pick up his MG I’ve been working on.

He’s with his grandson, one of the kids from the punk band at the Black crow. “Is the car ready?” Mike calls.

“Yeah,” I shout through the window, with a croak in my voice. “Be down in a minute.” I slump down the stairs and out the door. Belle darts out between my legs to circle the pair, giving them the once over.

“I gave her a service as well,” I say as I shake his hand.

“Great stuff. How much extra do I owe?”

“It’s fine, no extra charge.”

He hands over a wad of notes.

“Letty around?” The kid says, scouring the grounds with his eyes as if I’ve locked her away somewhere.

“No.”

“Is she working?” He shuffles on his feet, still swivelling his head as if he doesn’t believe me.

“I don’t know, kid. I’m not her keeper,” I snap, but I don’t mean to be rude. “I’ll bring the car round.” I walk to the garage counting the notes in my hand, then pocket them in my denims.

His engine purrs the sweetest sound as I bring her around to park in front of his grandson’s car. I climb out of the driver’s seat and hand over the keys. It’s always a pleasure to work on the classics. Reminds me of when Dad and I would fix up his old Jag.

“Great stuff. She’s sounding as good as new. Thanks a lot, Kane. Take care of yourself.”

I nod as they both get into their vehicles. I wonder where Vi went. Would she go back to her foster parents or have I have pushed her into the lion’s den?

In my quest to protect her from the truth, I failed at protecting her from them. If I’d been honest from the start and explained why, she might still be here with me, but I made a promise to her mum to never speak of it. It’s one thing to know I murdered her father, but the reason behind it is much worse.

“Hey, do me a favour, kid. Look out for her, will you?”

He nods and drives off down the path. I don’t know if he’ll ever see her again, but I’d sooner have her hanging out with the likes of him over the Bennetts.

Belle sits at my side as I watch them drive down the dirt road. I stroke her ears, the action somewhat soothing. I pull a cigarette from behind my ear and find the lighter in my pocket. The smoke burns the back of my throat as I inhale, then let it out through my nostrils as if breathing fire.

The smoke tendrils curl into the red light of the setting sun, like flames licking the fields, swallowing everything it touches. I wait to be taken and swallowed into the night. Lighting another cigarette, I wait in the hopes she will return or that God himself will strike me down. Anything is better than this torment.

I lean back against the brick wall of the house. My phone in my pocket digs into my ass, taunting me to check the tracking app for her whereabouts. No good will come of looking right now. If it shows her on the Bennett’s property, I’m not sure I could stop myself from going over there.

The family waited years for me to step outta line. With a restraining order, all it would take is me going over there to land myself back in the slammer, or worse. They could shoot me on sight with their hunting rifles and claim self defence. That’s been their plan all along. It’s the reason they taunt me every time I see them. It’s the reason they clung to Vi.

By my third smoke, my shoulders relax. Darkness creeps over the house, yet I’m still here, forced to live another night in hell. The only comfort is knowing the Bennetts won’t hurt one of their own. The town’s twins, Gareth and Gavin, were thick as thieves. Jesse and Jack are the next generation of wolves to join their pack, like soldiers trained on a mission for revenge since that fateful night.

Belle whines at my side. I ruffle her head again. “I know, girl, I miss her too.” My heart thrashes in my chest, screaming for me to go get my girl, make her see reason, but it’s better this way. I can live with being a monster. I’ve lived with it for the last nineteen years while keeping Ali’s secrets.

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32

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

With my belly in knots, I drive towards the Lake where Jesse works. A sickness creeps up my throat of how my cousin touched me, even if he did only graze my mound and help take my knickers off, thank goodness. A shudder jerks my body. He couldn’t have known. They don’t know we’re related.

I park my mini outside the glass fronted cafe. Jack is helping a family out of a leisure boat on the pier, and he gives me a wave as he pulls his hood over his head. I hadn’t noticed the pattering of rain hitting my face, washing away my tears.

My entire body vibrates as I pull the door open. Jesse stops wiping a table. A smile spans his face when he catches my eye. I step into the warmth. Cinnamon and coffee fill the air, making my shoulders relax.

“Hey, Letty. Haven’t seen you for a while.” His smile fades as I get closer. “What’s wrong?” His hand cups my cheek and I tremble beneath his palm.

“Did you know?” I search his eyes for any hint of recognition.

“Know what?” A crease forms between his brows.

“Your uncle, Gavin Bennett.”

He stands straight, expanding his chest. A scowl turns his sunshine features to a cold dark winter. “What about my uncle?”

“Kane.” I can’t get the words out. I need to know what he knows.

“If you’re asking if I know your fucking dad killed my uncle, then yes I know. The whole fucking town knows, didn’t you?”

I shake my head. “I just found out. And I told you he isn’t my dad.”

“Guardian then, or whatever you call him. Makes no difference.”

“He was my dad.” The words fall out with a sob. Tears prickle the back of my throat like I’ve swallowed a cactus.

“You just said he isn’t your dad.” Jesse’s face grows more confused by the second. I’m not explaining this very well. I can barely make sense of it myself.

“Your uncle is my biological father.”

Fear paints his face. His crystal blue eyes swell like a whirlpool in the depths of the ocean. “So you’re my…my…” He runs his fingers through his blonde hair, pulling it back from his forehead. “Fuck. We’re cousins?”

My head absently nods, still trying to make sense of it all. “I just found out. I didn’t know where to go. Kane lied to me.” The realisation that the man I loved has been lying to me this whole time hits hard and another sob escapes, along with more tears when I blink.

Jesse pulls me into his broad chest. The smell of him reminds me of our time together, making my stomach turn. “I’ll get you a drink. Are you hungry?”

“A little.”

“Latte and cake?”

I force a smile and a nod.

Light rain taps against the glass and a family opens the big glass doors, stepping into the cafe. Marie steps from the back and serves.

Jesse brings my latte and a large piece of Victoria sponge. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.”

A group of ramblers enter to get out of the rain. “Back in a minute.” Jesse squeezes my hand reassuringly, then rushes to serve the new crowd.

Jack enters next. Water runs off his yellow Mac and his dirty blonde hair. “Letty.” He gives me a nod, then takes off his raincoat, hangs on the back of the chair next to me and goes behind the counter. He returns with an Americano, the steam curling from his cup as he warms his hands around the mug and sits down next to me. “Long time no see.”

I chew the cake in my mouth, rolling the jam and cream around my tongue before I swallow. I glance at Jesse, looking for help. Jack always puts me on edge. The more aggressive and cockier of the two.

“I’ll keep you company until he gets off.” His lips curl into his usual teasing smirk. He trails his fingers up my thigh, then leans in, his breath fanning my cheek as he whispers, “Or I can get you off instead.”

The cake I just swallowed threatens to come back up. Marie glares at me with a tight lip. Lucy said she hates sharing her man, but Jack won’t let up. She has nothing to worry about with me. I lift his hand from my thigh. “Not now Jack.”

He chuckles with a sinister grin. “I’m just fucking with you. Jesse has a thing for you. He’d bust my ass if I wet my dick before he does.”

If it wasn’t for Kane invading my thoughts, I would have probably dated Jesse. Good thing I didn’t. I take a sip of my latte, even though it’s still too hot, but I welcome the burn, wishing it was a shot of something stronger.

Jesse sits down at the table, leaving Marie to finish the orders. He takes my hand, stroking his thumb over my fingers. “You’re coming home with us, right?”

Jack smiles, biting his lip.

I roll my eyes. “There’s something you need to know.” I pause. Not wanting to repeat everything. Jack is unpredictable and I can never guess what mood he’s in or how he’s going to react. Jesse can tell him the truth of it all.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me tonight when you’re in my bed.”

“Dude, fuck’s sake. She’s your cousin.”

Jack laughs, looking between Jesse and me. The grin on his face drops when he sees we’re not laughing. “You’re serious?”

Jesse nods.

“How?” he whisper-yells, causing a few heads to turn our way.

“Uncle Gavin is her dad.”

“I thought Kane was your dad.”

“No. Mum just put his name on the birth certificate.”

“Why?”

I shrug my shoulders and stare into my latte. “She killed herself after giving me up, so we’ll never know.” Tears make my vision blurred, the latte swirling into a milky haze.

Jack slides an arm around my back and pulls me into his chest. It’s the closest I’ve ever been to him and the kindest he’s been without his joking and teasing. “Our mum bailed too, leaving us with Dad.” He kisses my forehead and cups my cheeks. “You’re one of us now. You have a home with us.”

Tears drip onto my cheeks, and he swipes them with his thumb. I always wanted to see his softer side and wondered if he actually had one.

“Dry your tears. We’ll get him back for keeping you from us.” His eyes darken. Fear creeps into my chest. I don’t want revenge. I don’t want him hurt. As much as I’m hurting now, I still love the man.

“I’ll lock up early, and we can go home. Dad’s gonna want to hear about this.” Jesse scrapes the chair back as he stands and flips the sign on the door to closed to stop any more customers coming in, then disappears in the back.

Jack still has his arm around me. Marie looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp. She can fuck off. I can’t be arsed with her drama today.

Once the last customer leaves, Jack and I follow Jesse and Marie out the door. Marie jingles her keys in her hand, holding them up in front of Jack. “My place tonight. My parents are out of town.”

He throws his arm around my shoulder. “Not tonight, baby. I have other stuff to take care of.”

She looks between the two of us. “You know, I think this game has gone far enough.”

“I said not tonight, Marie.”

“You know my parents are away this weekend. We had plans, and she turns up and you both drop everything for some sick revenge that has nothing to do with you.”

“Revenge?”

She laughs. “You didn’t think the boys really liked you, did you?”

My brow wrinkles. I’ve had about as many revelations as I can take today.

“Awe you did. Poor Letty. You actually thought Jesse liked you.”

Anger bubbles under my skin, making me itch all over my body.

Jesse puts his arm around me and sandwiches me between him and his brother. “Ignore her. She’s just jealous.”

“Jealous?” She laughs again. “Why would I be jealous of a fat nobody like her who has a fucking psycho for a dad?”

A prickling heat courses through me. “You bitch.” I throw myself at her with a tight fist, but she waves her handbag in the air with a scream, blocking my punch.

The guys chuckle behind me and do nothing to stop me from swinging at her again. My fist connects with her jaw. The closed umbrella in her other hand swings like a baseball bat, hitting me in the eye, firing off a turbo boost in me that tears into her.

Next thing I know, the guys lift me up and Jack carries me over his shoulder with my head bobbing over his back.

“I’ll fucking kill her.”

“You’re a psycho bitch just like your dad,” she shouts, rubbing her bust lip.

Jesse examines her mouth. “You’ll live. And she’s our fucking cousin. So next time you talk about her pa, it’s my fucking uncle you're talking about.”

She stills like she’s seen a ghost, then Jack throws me inside the Discovery. He inspects my face, but he can’t hide the silent chuckle that rocks through him.

“You enjoyed that, didn’t you?” I snap.

“Just a little.”

Jesse jumps into the driver’s seat. “Does it hurt?” Jesse says, giving me a sideways glance.

“I’ve had worse.”

Jesse turns the engine and puts the discovery into reverse. “Take what Marie says with a pinch of salt. None of that is true what she said back there. She just doesn’t like sharing.”

Acid rises in my throat. Whether it’s true or not, I couldn’t care less now. Everything has changed. The person I cared about most has deceived me and nothing compares to the hollow cavern in my chest slowly filling with sadness, threatening to drown me at any moment.

Jack turns the stereo down. “What will dad say about this?” He glances at Jesse who just shrugs.

“What’s your dad like?”

The boys are silent. Jack clicks his tongue. I slump in the seat. Great.

“Will he let me stay? I don’t have anywhere to go.” My foster parents couldn’t wait to get rid of me and the thought of going back there makes me want to hurl. I’d sooner live on the streets than stay with them and their perfect little family. I was like a black sheep, a stain on their perfect life. I’m sure they only fostered to make themselves look good at church.

“You’re staying,” Jack says. “We look after our own.”

“Dad isn’t the easiest of people to get along with, but he’ll let you stay.” Jesse gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. “He’s your uncle, after all. His name’s Gareth. Your dad Gavin was his twin.”

It makes sense. Twins run in the family, it seems. Jesse grips the steering wheel, turning onto the drive in front of a modern lake house. The moon rises over the lake, reflecting in the glass fronted home.

“It’s beautiful here,” I say as I stare out the car window. A complete contrast to Kane’s dilapidated farmhouse.

Jack guides me up the steps to the porch, and Jesse opens the door.

“You boys are home early,” a blonde woman says, then pauses when she sees me.

“Hey Linda. Is Dad back?” Jesse asks, opening the freezer door.

“He’s still out hunting.” She opens a cupboard door to put a glass away. “Hello, nice to meet you.”

My converse squeak on the shiny tiled floor as I shuffle on my feet. “Hi.”

Jesse holds a bag of peas in his hand. “This is Letty. We’ll be in the games room. Tell Dad we need to talk when he gets back.”

Jack places his hand on the small of my back and guides me through the house. Modern but homely, with rustic fixtures and fittings, mostly made from deer antlers. Jesse opens the door to a large room with a glass wall that overlooks the moonlit lake. He turns on the light, highlighting a pool table and a large stag’s head that appears to follow me with its eyes. A shiver shoots down my spine.

“Sit.” Jesse points to a large Chesterfield sofa and I park my bottom, creaking the leather as I settle in. He holds the bag over my eye and I flinch. “You’re going to have a right shiner tomorrow.”

Jack laughs. “Fucking Marie is wired.”

“You know she doesn’t like it when you touch other girls.”

“But Lucy?”

“Lucy is her best mate. They like to share, but anybody else, she gets real pissy.”

“Do you like to share?” I gulp, remembering what Kane told me about them. I didn’t actually believe it until now.

“Sometimes. Too bad you’re our cousin. We could’ve had some fun.”

I glare at him and take the bag of peas and hold it against my face.

“Wait, does this mean we don’t get to fuck her now?” Jack’s mocking tone makes me nauseous.

“Like I would have, anyway. Get over yourself.”

They both share a knowing look and Jack takes his coat off and grabs a pool cue.

“So is that not your mum back there?”

“That’s Dad’s girlfriend. She’s okay.”

It must be nice to have any sort of parent. I’d take a stepmum at this point, anyone who cares.

Jesse hands me a cue and we settle into playing a game of pool to pass the time. I’ve never just hung out with them before without one of them trying to get in my knickers, and it’s nice. This must be what it feels like to have a brother. I guess they’re the closest thing to family I have. A warmth spreads through my chest as they joke around. I like being part of their inner circle, even if it is just for today.

The door swings open and the boys stand tall. The energy in the room shifts as all eyes focus on the man with a beard.

“How’s the culling going?” Jesse says, then rubs the tip of his cue with blue chalk.

“Slow.” He scratches his beard giving me a once over, before turning back to Jesse. “You wanted to talk?”

Jack puts his arm around me. “This is Letty, the girl who’s been staying at the Harding farmhouse.”

His blue eyes darken. He stares at my face, as if staring at a ghost. “Damn. You look just like her.”

My cheeks lift. “You knew my mother?”

“A little.” He turns to Jesse. “What the hell is she doing here?”

“She’s Uncle Gavin’s kid.”

His head snaps back to me. “Who told you that?”

My body trembles under his gaze. “I found a letter from Mum addressed to Kane in prison.”

“Saying what?”

“That they could never be together after he murdered my father.”

“Do you have the letter?”

“No, I left it, grabbed my gear, and fled.”

He takes the few steps into the room and lifts my chin, digging his fingers into my cheeks as he explores my face like a map. “You’re certain you’re Gavin’s girl and not his?” The word his, spits from his mouth like poison, as if just the mere thought of Kane brings a sour taste to his mouth.

I nod, gulping down the growing lump in my throat.

“I can’t trust a word that comes from your whore of a mother. I’ll need proof before I believe it. She told everyone you were his.”

My body vibrates. “My mother was no whore.”

“Easy, Letty,” Jack says, pulling me closer to his side.

He laughs in my face. “All right little orphan, I take it back. She wasn’t a whore.”

My shoulders relax and some of the tension leaves my body.

“She was a slut.” He belly laughs, louder than before. “Why’d you think that piece of shit killed my brother?”

My eyes widen. I can’t get the words out in between the venom spouting from his lips.

“Because she preferred my brother’s cock. She couldn’t stand being lonely while he was off playing soldier, she wanted a real man to keep her full. She probably had half the town while he was away. You could be anybody’s.” He laughs again, but it’s menacing and laced with hatred.

I won’t stand here and listen to lies about my mum, everything he’s said is the opposite of how Kane described her. I pace around him and out of the room, heading towards the door.

“Letty, wait up.” Jesse calls after me. “Where are you going, your cars still at the cafe?”

“Calm yourself down. I’ll get a DNA test and settle this once and for all,” Gareth says, catching up with us.

“In the meantime she’s staying here. You don’t want her staying with him again do you?” Jesse tenses his jaw. Communicating with his dad without words.

“Fine. Stay. If you are my brother’s girl, he wouldn’t want you anywhere near the Harding farmhouse.”

“Let’s get your car,” Jesse says and guides me towards the front door.

“Hey kid,” he shouts.

I glance over my shoulder.

“Nasty business what happened to your parents. He’ll pay for this one day. Ten years in the slammer doesn’t make up for the life he stole.” He dips his head and walks back towards the games room.

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33

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

The monotonous beep of the checkout drones out all other sounds. I swivel side to side in the chair as I scan each item off the conveyor belt. A continuous cycle of disappointment. Time slows at the checkout. It’s the worst job in this miserable store.

I’ve asked if I can work with Jesse at the cafe, but trade is slow in winter. Besides, I don’t fancy seeing Marie again. Lucy said she’s out for blood and still thinks I’m after Jack. The thought of it makes me nauseous, especially when I think of kissing Jesse. Of all the people in this town, I had to pick the one person off-limits, not to mention fucking Kane, my mother’s boyfriend. Although that one never bothered me until I found out I’d been played all along.

I press the total button on the till. “£112.36, please.” Absently, I chew the gum in my mouth, then blow a bubble while the old dear fumbles with her purse and her fella packs the bags.

“Thank you, dear.” She shuffles off with her trolly, tucking her purse away.

“Thank you.” I don’t look up at the next customer, just focus on the products, swiping them over the scanner one by one.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“How’s Kane?” Lilly’s voice makes my jaw lax.

I lift the peak of my cap to look at her. “I wouldn’t know. I moved out over a week ago.”

She tilts her head, studying me with her blue eyes. “What happened to your face?”

I cover the side of my eye with my palm. I thought I’d done a pretty good job of covering the bruise with makeup, but clearly not. “Just got into a fight.”

Her brow wrinkles. “Kane’s many things, but I’ve never known him hit a woman.”

“Oh, no. I got into a fight with someone else.” I swipe more of her groceries over the scanner, not really wanting to talk to Lilly about Kane. No doubt she’ll be glad I’m out of the picture. A wave of sickness floods over me. The thought of her visiting Kane and ending up in his bed pains me. I’ve never been a jealous person, never really had anyone I cared enough about to be jealous over. But right now the thought of Kane tenderly kissing her as he would me, cuts deep. He may as well stab me in the chest with his dagger.

“So, where are you staying? I’m surprised Kane let you go.” She packs each item neatly into a bag as I pass it through the scanner.

“He didn’t exactly have a choice. I moved in with Jesse.”

Her head flinches back as if I just hit her in the face. “Gareth Bennett’s house?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Does Kane know?”

I shrug. The tracker is still on my car and phone, so he must know where I ended up if he cares to look.

“Don’t let him know you’re staying with the Bennetts and don’t let him see that black eye if he comes in here.”

“He won’t care. He hasn’t come looking for me or made any attempt to contact me.”

“Oh, he’ll care. And if he sees your eye and puts two and two together, he’ll land himself back behind bars. I care about him and I don’t want history repeating itself.”

I scan the last of her items and ring up the till. “£94.65. What do you mean, history repeating itself?”

“You know.” She swipes her card on the machine. Another beep.

I stare at her. Am I missing something? “You mean because he murdered my… Gavin Bennett?”

“Yes, but any man would lose his temper after finding out their girlfriend was raped. I can’t believe you would want to live with them after everything that happened with your mother…”

She’s still talking, but the pounding in my ears muffles her voice. Mum was raped? The supermarket spins, distorting as if inside a blender. My father was a rapist.

Lilly places her hand on my shoulder, stopping the whirling around my head. “Are you all right? You’ve turned white.”

I’m not all right. I’m numb, unable to speak. A cold sweat coats my skin and a blast of ice courses through my veins.

“You didn’t know, did you?” Her eyes sadden as she gives me a sympathetic smile.

Another woman places her groceries on the conveyor belt. Lilly stops her. “They’re closing this till, love.” The woman huffs and scrambles to another checkout. “Shay. Can you cover? Violet isn’t feeling well.” She snaps her fingers at the supervisor.

I stand holding a hand over my mouth in case my stomach follows through with the threatening nausea.

Lilly takes her receipt and collects her shopping bags. “I’ll take you home. Come on.”

I gather my bag from under the till and walk out with Lilly in a daze. My jacket is in the staff room, but I don’t care about that. I’m numb against the biting wind.

“Get in the car. I’ll drive you to my place and you can tell me everything.” She unlocks her Audi.

The sickly sweet strawberry air freshener has my stomach churning even more. I buckle up with stiff fingers.

She slips into the driver’s seat and starts the engine.

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

Lilly taps her long manicured nails against the steering wheel. “I don’t know. Probably his way of protecting you.”

“What? He’d sooner have me think he’s a monster than my own father?”

“That sounds about right.” She glances my way as she drives out of the car park. “What did he tell you?”

“Nothing. That’s the thing. He told me nothing. I had to find out he murdered my father from a letter my mum wrote him in prison. I didn’t even know he’d been in jail. There was nothing in my file.”

She nods her head. “And that’s why you moved out?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t gonna stick around with a murderer, was I?”

“He lost control. It happens when guys come back from war. He found out your mum had been raped, and he lost his shit. He went round to Gavin’s house for a fight and it got out of hand. Gavin fell to the ground and never got up. He was charged with manslaughter, not murder. The two are very different.” She parks outside a small semi-detached house near town.

“I wish he’d just been honest.”

She lifts the hand brake. “Like I said, he probably didn’t want you to know the truth behind it. Your mum didn’t want you to know you were the result of a rape and that’s why Kane said to put his name on the birth certificate. The whole town thought you were his.”

“Did he tell you all this?” I help Lilly with her bags from the back seat.

“Not exactly. He told me some things over the years, and my sister and Shane filled in the gaps. Shane wanted him to tell the truth about the rape, hoping he would get less time with mitigating circumstances. He would have done anything for your mother, and she didn’t want you growing up with that stigma attached to you.”

“Who is your sister?” I follow her into her home. It’s really pretty, cream drapes and carpets, everything pristine just like her.

“My older sister was friends with your mum.” She places her bags on the worktop and begins putting her shopping away.

I sit at her kitchen table and pick at my purple nail varnish. Tears prickle at the back of my throat as I hold them at bay, along with the constant sickness threatening to overflow.

Lilly puts the last of her groceries away in the cupboard, but leaves out a bottle of red wine. “You can stay here if you need a place to stay. You don’t have to go back to the Bennett house.”

I lift my head with pinched eyebrows. “Why are you being nice to me? I thought you’d be glad to have me out of the way.”

She puffs out a small laugh. “Why? Because Kane won’t be distracted anymore?”

I nod. My fingers fiddle with the hem of my work shirt.

“I’m tired of competing with a ghost.” She pours a glass of wine and hands it to me before pouring herself one. “I loved Kane. I really did. Still do. Perhaps I always will, but I’m not her. I thought if anyone could break her spell, it was you. Shane even said he’d never seen him as happy as he had been since you showed up.”

Something in my heart twangs as though tugging on my main artery. I loved him, too. Maybe I still do. Why else would this hurt so badly? I sip the red wine. It’s not really my drink of choice, but anything that will help take the edge off, I’m game. My head shakes, my mind reminding my heart that he lied to us. Mum’s hero or monster, he still lied to me.

I told him my secrets. My hopes and my dreams. He knew all I ever wanted was to have a family of my own, some blood relative where I could belong, and he kept that knowledge from me.

The front door rattles, then boots stomp in the hall. My spine steels, breaths become faster. Soon enough, I’m gasping for air. The tracking app. He’s here.

“Hey, Lil.” Shane steps into the kitchen and my shoulders sag against the chair, and I let out a long breath. Shane glances between us. “Everything okay?”

I sip my wine, sinking further into the chair.

“Violet found out the truth about her parents and moved out of the farmhouse. She’s been staying with the Bennetts.” Lilly pours some pasta in a pan and sets it to boil, then grabs more ingredients from the cupboard.

Shane takes off his coat, hanging it on the back of a chair. “When did this happen?”

“A week ago.” I sip more wine, getting used to the thick texture and rich taste.

Shane runs a hand over his face. “That explains why he bailed on Thursday for pool night. Good thing he did too because the twin’s dad, Gareth, was there. Probably to gloat and taunt him.” Shane grabs a beer from the fridge. It clicks and fizzes as he opens the can and takes several gulps. “Fuck.” He slams the can down on the worktop, making me jump.

“What is it?” Lilly strokes his arm. It’s clear now why she isn’t fussed about Kane anymore. She’s moved on. Who can blame her? They’re like two opposites. One’s a police officer and the other’s a criminal.

“Gareth’s been waiting for something like this. Something he can use against him. He knows one false move from Kane against his family, and he’ll land himself back in the nick.”

“He hasn’t attempted to find me or check on me, so I don’t think he’s bothered.” I take a long drink of the wine, emptying my glass. The heat of the alcohol buzzes in my belly, warming me up from the inside.

“He isn’t allowed anywhere near their property. Plus the Bennetts have hunting rifles. Kane knows they’re just waiting for a hunting accident to happen. They wouldn’t hesitate to kill him on their land and say it was self defence. Gareth wasn’t there that night, but he’ll never forgive or forget what happened to his brother. They were like two peas in a pod and did everything together.”

My body relaxes a little, knowing Kane won’t show up at the house. I’ve been on edge ever since I left. Each time a car pulls onto their drive, my body tenses and when I’m at their cafe and boat hire, I’m a nervous wreck. I don’t even know why. Kane won’t hurt me. As much as I’m mad at him, I don’t want him to get hurt or killed. Maybe that’s what has me on edge.

“I should get going now before it gets late. They’ll be expecting me home.”

“Stay for dinner. There’s plenty of pasta.”

“All right.” Her cooking has to be better than rustling up something at Jesse’s. I’ve gone from cooking and cleaning at Kane’s to doing the same at their place. The boys keep things tidy, but their cooking left a lot to be desired. Linda hasn’t been around much which is a shame as she seemed nice.

“Do you want another glass of red?” Lilly asks as she sets the plates on the table.

“I have to drive home, so best not.”

“Where’s your car?” Shane asks.

“I left it at the store.” I fork the creamy pasta into my mouth, savouring the taste of a home cooked meal. Shane and Lilly chat about their day and Lilly talks about work at the hospital. It’s clear now why she has a caring nature. She’s a nurse.

“Did you know my mum?” I ask Shane.

He swallows and clears his throat. “Not very well, but I went out with her and Kane a few times, to the cinema and stuff.”

“Where were you Lilly?”

“Lilly was…what were you then, about six?”

“seven.”

Shane laughs again. “She was this annoying little kid that would barge into her sister’s room every time I came over. Always causing trouble.” He smiles, then clears the plates.

I help load the dishwasher. “Thank you for dinner.”

“You can come here anytime.” Lilly opens her handbag and slides her thumb over the screen on her phone. “Take my number and if you ever need anything, call me.”

Shane does the same. “He’d want to make sure you’re taken care of. If you’re in trouble, you call me or the station. Got it?”

I nod, tapping their numbers into my phone. Though I don’t know what sort of trouble, they think I’m going to get into. It’s Kane that needs looking out for, if anyone.

“I’ll take you back to your car if you’re ready.” Shane stands and grabs the keys from the sideboard. He kisses Lilly’s cheek. “Thanks for dinner.”

“It’s the least I could do to thank you for fixing stuff around here.”

“Thank you.” I hug Lilly before getting into Shane’s Mitsubishi Shogun and buckle my seatbelt. “Nice car.”

“Thanks.” He slips into the driving seat and starts the engine.

The only sound is the purr from the car as we drive through the town. The roads are quiet at this time of night.

Shane clears his throat. “How was he? Kane I mean.”

I hold my bag on my lap, twisting the handle in my palms. “Sad. Guilty. I don’t know.” A long breath leaves my lungs. “We were…” How do I tell him we were together? Should I tell him? “Close.”

“You don’t need to be a genius to see the effect you had on him.”

“Will you check on him?” I don’t want to see Kane, but I don’t want him to do anything stupid either and cause more drama.

“I will.” He drives into the car park for the supermarket. It’s almost closing time and my pink mini sits alone at one end of the car park. Shane pulls up at the side of it.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and open the car door. “Thanks for the lift.”

“You don’t have to go back to the Bennett’s house. You can stay with me or Lilly until you find your own place.”

“Lilly said the same thing, but they are my family.”

He holds my wrist before I get out of the car. “Family doesn’t always have to be blood.”

“I know, but they’re good to me. Really.”

He lets me go with a nod. Once I’m in my car and start the engine, he drives away, holding a hand up and I return the gesture.

* * *

“Where the hell have you been?” Gareth glares at me as I walk into the kitchen. “If you’re going to be staying here, a text of your whereabouts wouldn’t go amiss.”

Is he actually playing the caring uncle now? He’s barely spoke to me since I moved in. “I’m sorry. I went to a friend’s after work.”

His fingers slide up and down a bottle of beer as I walk by and pour myself a glass of water. “The DNA results came in.”

I hold the glass to my lips, unable to take a sip. Words fail me as a lump grows in my throat.

He slides his phone across the breakfast bar, displaying an email from the clinic. We share 25% DNA confirming he is, in fact, my uncle. Well, this explains the sudden care of my whereabouts.

“Can I ask you something?” A sticky sweat coats my neck and I tense.

“What?”

“Was Mum r…ra…” I can’t say the word. “Was she forced?”

He laughs, but it’s not because he finds my question funny. It’s a sinister laugh, almost mocking. “Did he tell you that?” He won’t speak Kane’s name, like the one who shall not be named.

“He would say that, wouldn’t he? Couldn’t imagine his precious angel would want another dick besides his. Your Mum came willingly more than once. She couldn’t get enough of us.” He chugs the beer back, slamming an empty bottle on the counter before stumbling to bed.

She couldn’t get enough of us? Us? A shiver takes over. It’s hard to believe that anyone could cheat when they had a man like Kane. He’s enough for any woman. I understand Gareth isn’t going to believe his own brother was a rapist. It was a foolish question and one I should’ve asked when he was sober at least.

I walk up the stairs, past the photographs hanging on the wall. My father, Gareth, and another boy with hunting rifles. He looks like Jesse and Jack with his dirty blonde hair. His purply-blue eyes have a sharpness that could cut glass, not like Jesse’s, whose are softer like an icicle that’s melted around the edges.

My feet continue up the stairs and into my room. The entire house is still, with an eerie quiet, highlighting every creek on the floorboards. I cringe at every movement, not wanting to wake anyone.

My door handle clicks. My chest pumps against my ribs as I spin on my heel, holding my breath.

Jesse enters my room with a smile and his finger pressed against his lips.

I relax my shoulders on an exhale.

“Wanna smoke?” he whispers, sliding a rolled up joint from behind his ear.

“Why not?” I shrug and flop back on the bed with a bounce. Jesse joins me and lights our gear.

“Was the old man pissed at you?”

“Not really.”

“He show you the email?”

“Yes.”

“It’s official. You’re one of us now.” He places his arm out and I lift my head to lie on it as we have done before. Only now everything is different. It’s nice to feel wanted just for being me and not because some guy wants to get in my knickers.

“He sent us out to look for you.”

“What?”

“I saw your car at work, figured you’d gone to a mates.”

“I didn’t think he cared.”

“He’ll have something else to focus on now instead of me and Jack.” He sniggers and takes another drag.

“You know, when I found out Kane wasn’t my father, I hoped he’d still be alive and I could meet him. Even before today, a part of me still hoped that DNA test would come back and say Gavin wasn’t my father and I could keep my hopes alive, but I’m glad I have you at least.”

OceanofPDF.com

34

OceanofPDF.com

KANE

Belle barks, forcing my eyes open. I don’t normally sleep in this late. Sitting up in my bed, the faint rev of an engine travels through the window. My heart races along with my feet as I scramble to Vi’s bedroom to look out of her window that overlooks the drive. She still has her key.

My body sags at the sight of the cop car and Shane stepping out in uniform. What the fuck does he want? I pull on some jeans, then slump downstairs to Belle, barking and circling in front of the door. I unlock it, then open it, giving Shane a glare. Then a wave of dread washes over me. He wouldn’t be here on official business, would he?

“You gonna let me in or are we just gonna stand here freezing our balls off?”

I open the door wider and stand to the side. “Everything all right?” I hold my breath. If anything’s happened to Vi, I’ll never forgive myself.

Belle circles Shane for attention, and he strokes her head. “Just checking in.”

I walk into the kitchen and boil the kettle. A hoodie hangs over the chair, and I pull it on. Jogging on the spot with my bare feet, I blow into my hands to warm up.

“Lilly had a visitor last night.”

“Oh?” I pour two coffees, then hand one to Shane.

“Did you know Violet’s staying with Gareth?”

I clench my jaw. I can’t deny I’ve looked at the tracking app on my phone on more than one occasion. I thought she might have turned it off by now, but she left it on, probably to torment me further. “Yeah, I know her whereabouts. Is she all right?”

“She’s fine.” He blows in the mug, wrapping his hands around the ceramic. “It’s you I’m worried about.”

I take a gulp of the drink, not caring that it burns my mouth. The mere mention of her name hurts like a motherfucker deep in my chest. It’s like losing Ali all over again. And to know she’s with them and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it, just rubs salt into the wound. “I’m all right. You don’t need to worry.” He’s concerned I’m gonna go over there and cause shit. But I’m a big boy now. I have some control and patience. Lots of fucking patience. If the years in prison taught me anything, it was that.

Shane delves into his pocket, pulling out a pack of smokes. He slides one out and places it between his lips before offering one up to me. I take it and turn on the gas stove to light it. Shane flicks his Zippo and inhales. We stand in the kitchen in silence. He’s staring at me in his work uniform. If it wasn’t for his tattoos, he’d look every bit the good boy cop.

I crack my neck from side to side, trying to ease the tension built up this last week. “So, who was the visitor?” I couldn’t really give a shit about town gossip. I flick the end of my cigarette onto a used plate from the sink.

“Violet.”

My head shoots up. “Why was she at Lilly’s?”

“She had some sort of episode at the supermarket. Lilly recognised she was having an anxiety attack and took her back to her place.”

“You just said she was okay?”

“She is. She’s fine. But she found out about the rape.”

I slam my drink down on the counter and turn away from Shane. Rage burns every muscle in my body. The one thing I never wanted her to know. She can think I’m a monster all she likes, but I never wanted her to know the truth about her own father or have those painful thoughts about what her mother went through.

“Why didn’t you just tell her the truth when she found out about Gavin? She wouldn’t have gone to stay with them if she knew the whole truth.”

“Would you want to know you resulted from a rape?” The visions still haunt me when I sleep. Or try to. It’s always Ali screaming as he tears into her. Ali never spoke about it. I don’t know exactly what happened, which is worse. My mind conjures up all sorts of pain and suffering. I should have been there to protect her. Instead, I was on the other side of the world, in a sandbox playing G.I. Joe.

“Fair enough, man.”

“Are they treating her well?”

“She said so. Lilly offered her a bed at her place, but she wanted to go back to theirs so she must be okay. They wouldn’t hurt one of their own, though, would they?”

I inhale another drag of the cigarette. I need something stronger. Is Vi one of them? I’ll never see her as theirs.

“Look, man. Lilly’s doing Christmas dinner. She wanted me to invite you.”

“I can’t sit at Lilly’s with the two of you like a fucking gooseberry.”

“I told you there’s nothing between us. She invited us both. I’ve got nothing better to do and I know you haven’t. Just come. It’ll make her happy.”

“I’ll just be miserable. No point ruining your Christmas as well.”

“You know what she’s like. She’ll just be worried about you on your own if you don’t come.”

“I’ll think about it.”

He smiles, seeming happy with himself. “You can bring Belle, too.” He ruffles her fur. “Lilly will save you some turkey, girl.”

“What’s the deal with you two?”

“We’ve been spending more time together, no big deal.” He stubs the cigarette out in the bottom of his coffee mug. “I’m thinking of asking her out, though.”

I choke on the last remaining bit of coffee. Shane pats my back. I fill the mug with water and have another drink. “That’s. Great,” I splutter out the words between coughs.

“She hasn’t said yes yet. If you think there’s any chance that you and her could get back together, tell me now before I make a fool of myself.”

“That ship sailed. In fact, I don’t think it ever docked. She deserves someone who can make her happy. All I ever did was make her miserable.” Story of my life. I may not have done the right thing with Vi, but I can at least let Lilly have a shot at happiness.

“Thanks, man.” He opens the bin, throwing the stub away, then places the mug in the sink, full of dirty pots. He doesn’t comment on the state of the place, but I can tell he’s noticed. I haven’t even made my bed in days, and that’s not like me. If it wasn’t drilled into us in the army, it was in prison.

I pull the hair back from my forehead. “Will you do me a favour?”

“Anything.” Shane stops at the door with Belle circling him again.

“Will you keep an eye on her for me? I can’t fucking stand that she’s living there with them, but you know I can’t go near the place. If I do, you know what will happen. If I don’t kill that slimy fucker first.”

“I already am keeping my eye on her. Promise me you’ll stay away.”

I give him a nod. Even though it’s taking everything I have to follow that order. Every cell in my body wants to go over there, get my girl, and bring her home where she belongs. I knew it would all end in tears, but I never knew it would hurt this fucking much.

Shane drives off down the dirt road and I close the door, glancing around the hovel I’ve been living in since she left. The sad Christmas tree sits in the corner, abandoned. The needles fallen around the empty base that should be filled with presents by now. I had so many plans to make this the best Christmas she’d ever had. Now the thought of Christmas gives me a stab to the chest. Another reminder of how fucking lonely I am. The worst thing is that I only have myself to blame.

* * *

I fill the trolly up with a few bottles of Lilly’s favourite red wine and a crate of beers for Shane and I. If I’m going to Lilly’s for Christmas dinner tomorrow, I’m gonna need the alcohol to get me through. Hopefully, it will cheer me up for a few hours. The alcohol, that is. I still don’t understand why they want me there, but Lilly’s always been a caring soul.

Walking up and down the aisles, I keep my eye out for Vi. I know she’s here because I scoured the car park for her pink mini. My pulse quickens as I walk down the freezer section. There are a few other stores I could have gone to. These last few weeks, I’ve been getting my groceries from the local corner shop, giving her the space she needs. Not that I’ve been eating much lately. My grocery shop usually comprises beer and the odd single microwave meal. Another reminder of how lonely and pathetic my life is.

Being single never bothered me before. I liked it. But having Vi at home made me realise what I’ve been missing all these years, though I don’t want to live with anyone but her. I miss her bratty attitude and the lip she used to give me. A smile forms on my face, thinking of her.

Walking to the till, I freeze when her violet hair comes into view. She’s as beautiful as ever, but she’s missing that sparkle in her eyes. I could go to another till, but my body’s drawn to her, pulling me further to her checkout. I place the drinks and dog food and a few other bits on the belt and wait for her to finish serving the woman before me.

She slides the crate of beer over the scanner. The beep jolts me from the trance I’m in. My heart thunders in my chest, roaring like a car engine. Her eyes look up through long lashes and she sucks in a breath. I want to suck it right back out while I claim her glossy lips. Instead, I stuff my sweaty palms in my pocket before I reach out and touch her.

Vi swallows, then breathes out a shaky breath.

I clear my throat. “How you doing?”

She nods and swipes the bottles of wine under the scanner. “Good.” Her eyes flick back to me, gazing at the full beard I have now. I can’t remember the last time I shaved, probably when she lived at home.

“You having a party?” She scans another bottle of red.

“Just going to Lilly’s place for dinner tomorrow.”

She drops her head, sliding the large bag of kibble over the scanner.

“Her and Shane invited me.”

Vi’s eyes look back up at me through her thick lashes.

“You’re more than welcome. There’ll be plenty to go around.”

She shakes her head. “I’m having dinner with my family.”

“You’re going back to your foster parent’s place?” It makes sense that she would go back there. I’m glad she still has them even if they were shit parents.

“No. I’m staying with my uncle and cousins. My family.” She emphasises the word family, making sure I understand who she’s referring to this time.

Usually I get off on her brattiness, but now I just have a sour taste in my mouth. I nod with a tight jaw while placing the crate and wine in my trolley, along with the dog food and other bits.

She rings up the till. “£74.21 please.”

I open my wallet, count out £80.00 and hand it to her. She opens the till and gives me my change. I shove it in my pocket, then grab another wad of notes. “Here, take this.”

She looks at the five twenty-pound notes in my hand. “What for?”

“For Christmas. I never got around to buying you anything, so…”

“Save it. I don’t need your money.”

“Vi, please. I know I don’t deserve you, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” I hold the notes in my hand out as a peace offering. “Look, I know this money is a sorry excuse for a gift. But take it. Even if you use it for fuel to visit your old friends or foster family during the holidays.”

She stares at me with glassy eyes. The fluorescent lighting in the store, highlights the pearls of moisture gathering in the corner of her lashes.

“Hurry up, mate. We haven’t got all day.”

I spin my head to glare at the guy behind me. He holds his hands up and takes a step back.

“Just go, Kane. Take your apology and money with you.” She turns away from me and starts scanning the guy’s items.

I drop the notes on the belt in front of her and push the trolley to the exit with heavy limbs. This is probably what I need to get over her.

Although, it’s been eighteen years, and I’m still not over her mother. I was just beginning to move on now I have a new purpose and reason to live.

Now I have Vi to add to my torment. Another eighteen years of torture, wanting something I can’t have.

If she’s happy, it will bring some comfort, at least. And she’s still close enough that people who care about her can keep an eye on her.

I load my car then jump in, grabbing one of the cans now and guzzling half of it in one go. May as well get an early start.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

OceanofPDF.com

35

OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

My eyes blink open, and I inhale the scent of weed on my clothes from last night. The boys had saved me a joint when I finished work. They had a few friends round in the games room, but it was fairly chilled.

Excitement bubbles in my stomach at my first Christmas with my actual family. I throw on my dressing gown and pad through the quiet house. Light shines through the windows, evaporating the morning dew.

After cleaning my teeth and washing, I pad back to my room to gather the gifts I’ve bought for everyone. Nothing fancy, just a few things I picked up from work. A bottle of whiskey for uncle Gareth. A pair of gloves, hat and scarf for Jack when he’s working the boat hire, and a t-shirt for Jesse. I was going to get Linda something, but she’s split after a row with Gareth. Jesse says she’ll be back, but I’m not holding my breath. He’s a difficult man to live with.

I quietly make my way down the stairs into the living room. There’s no tree, but there are a few gifts around the fireplace where I add mine to the pile. The large grandfather clock in the hall strikes on the hour and chimes nine times. Not exactly early, but the guys stayed up late last night and I don’t want to be the one to wake them. I make myself a coffee and cereal and sit patiently at the kitchen table.

The longer I sit here, the less magical the morning is. So much for the special Christmas morning I thought this would be. Taking myself upstairs, I change out of my pyjamas and put on a black skater dress with leggings.

There’s some movement from Jesse’s room and I knock on the door. “Are you awake? It’s Christmas.”

“No, I’m not awake yet,” a muffled voice shouts.

Gareth opens his bedroom door. “Put the kettle on, Letty. A bacon sandwich wouldn’t go amiss.”

“I’ll have a bacon sarnie.” Jack appears out of the bathroom in a pair of white boxers. He winks at me as he strolls past. “There’s a good lass.”

Ugh, sometimes I think they just like having me here to treat me like a slave, even more so since Linda left, but I go downstairs and do it anyway in the hopes I can salvage Christmas morning. At least I won’t have to cook dinner. Gareth plucked a pheasant yesterday—one that he shot—so I assume he’s gonna cook that.

The guys come down and sit at the table as I dish up their breakfasts. After they’ve eaten, we head into the living room. Jesse throws some logs on the fire, and I sit on the rug.

The boys have a few gifts from some relatives on their mum’s side, even though their mum split when they were kids. I think their aunty still sends presents. The one gift I have is from Jesse. My eyes widen as he hands it to me.

“Thank you.”

Jack enters the room and Jesse hands him my gift. He looks at the tag. “Oh shit. I didn’t know we were getting gifts. Was I supposed to get you something?”

I shake my head. “It’s fine.” I never expected much from the boys, but a smile pushes my cheeks up when I open Jesse’s gift: an Anime hoodie of a character with purple hair from Demon Slayer.

“It reminded me of you.” Jesse points to the girl on the front of the hoodie.

I hold it up, hoping it will fit. The size says large, but it looks on the small side. “Thank you.” I fold it up, not wanting to embarrass myself by trying it on.

The gifts are over within minutes, and the only one left is Gareth’s bottle of whiskey. Jesse pulls his new t-shirt over his head. “Thanks, Letty.”

I put on a fake smile, but feel the tears prickling at the back of my throat. Gareth hasn’t appeared in the room yet and now the boys are taking their stuff and leaving. I sit on the rug with a hoodie that I don’t even think will fit. It’s not that I expected more gifts. It’s not about the gifts. I just wanted to have a nice Christmas morning with us all together. If I’d have known it was going to be like this, I would have gone back to my foster parents’ place for Christmas. I may not feel any more welcome, but they do put effort in, even if it is for Maddie and not me.

I can’t help but think about Kane and what he’s up to. Is he used to waking on Christmas morning alone? I had so many plans for us. This year was going to be the best Christmas ever, and it’s turning out to be the worst.

Gareth enters the room, seeing his gift on the coffee table. “Is this for me?” He examines the tag. “Letty, you shouldn’t have.” He opens the bag. “Thanks for the whiskey.”

I nod, giving him a small smile. “It’s the least I can do after you let me move in.”

Gareth opens his wallet and hands me a wad of notes. “I didn’t know what you’d like.” What is it with guys throwing money at me lately?

“Thanks.” I pocket the cash, just like I ended up pocketing the notes from Kane yesterday.

He leaves the room, and just like that, Christmas is over.

I gather up the wrapping, tidying the space. My mind wanders to Kane, wondering if he’s opened the jumper I bought for him. A sad, whimsical smile paints my face. I’m comforted knowing he won’t be alone today. Grateful I was able to see him yesterday, or I may be worried about him being alone.

This may not have been the perfect family Christmas I always imagined, but at least I’m with people. Kane has nobody. Jesse returns with more wood for the fire and stacks it up at the side of the wood burner. I throw the wrapping in the bin, and Gareth points to the potatoes.

“Do you want to peel the potatoes or the veg?”

“I’ll do the potatoes.”

Gunfire from Call of Duty and shouting travels from the living room. I roll my eyes, but know I will beat them both later. Gareth and I prepare the food in silence. Today could be any other day. Apart from Gareth wrapping bacon around mini sausages. The pheasant is in the oven already cooking.

“What was my dad like? You never talk about him.” I hold my breath, wishing I hadn’t spoken. The only thing I know about him is he’s a potential rapist, but there must be some good qualities. He couldn’t have been all bad.

Gareth doesn’t look up and continues to chop the carrots. “He was fun to be around. We were twins. Did you know that?”

My eyes widen. “Like Jesse and Jack?”

“Exactly like them. We were the same. He was the more fun of the two of us. More like Jesse’s personality.”

My heart warms. Jesse has always been kind to me. I can’t imagine him being forceful or raping anyone. If he’d said Jack, he’s the more aggressive and moody of the two. More dominant, like his dad.

“He enjoyed hunting, fishing. Anything outdoors, really. We used to camp a lot in the hills. He was an excellent shot. He was the brains, got a place at uni studying recreation and tourism. Mum used to bake cakes and sell them at a kiosk by the lake. Eventually, Dad bought the land and we’ve worked the boat hire ever since. Gavin wanted to expand it.”

Gareth tosses the veg in a pan and fills it with water, then does the same with the chopped potatoes. “Gav had big plans for this land, but they never came to fruition because of him.” He spits the word like the mere thought of Kane conjures a venomous taste in his mouth.

“How did he meet Mum?” I entertain the idea that my father never forced himself, even though it’s a possibility. But I’m curious to know what Gareth has to say about the matter. It’s the most he’s ever spoken about my father.

“Alison came out with some friends one night and invited us all back to her place. She was the only eighteen-year-old with her own place. It was somewhere to party and she liked us hanging out.”

“She was lonely.” It’s so obvious from reading her letters.

“One thing led to another. Do you want me to explain the birds and bees to you as well?” Gareth’s tone is mocking, but he has a smile on his face, albeit a sinister one.

“No thanks. I get the gist. So he wasn’t my mum’s boyfriend. Were they just…”

“She was dating him, but she didn’t want to dump him by blue airmail. She was waiting for him to come home. But she didn’t want to be with him. She wanted my brother, though I don’t think he was into her as much as she was into him. She was just a bit of fun for the summer. Gavin had no intention of settling down. I already had the twins, and he didn’t want to be trapped with a woman and kids. Who can blame him?”

“Did he know about me?”

“If he did, he never said a thing. When Alison had you, she told everyone you were his. He was in the nick, so nobody gave a shit about her or his kid.” Gareth covers the pigs in blankets in foil and places them on the worktop. “If I’d have known Gav had a kid, we would have taken you in. Mum would have made a fuss of you, although she blamed Alison just as much as him.”

“What happened to your mum?”

“She passed away about eight years back, not long after Dad. I don’t think either of them ever got over Gav’s murder. It’s a good thing they never lived to see him roaming freely around town like he fucking owns the place. My brother’s body is rotting six feet under and he’s walking around scott free, living his fucking life to the full.”

I wipe my hands on a tea-towel and say nothing. Kane lives with his guilt every day. It may not be the guilt of murder, more the guilt that he wasn’t there to protect Ali when she was forced and when she killed herself. Gareth won’t sympathise. He wants an eye for an eye. Blood for blood, and I don’t think he’ll be happy until Kane’s debt is paid in full with his own life.

“Dinner isn’t for a few hours. I’m going to the local pub for a drink. I’ll let you be in charge of turning the veg on in two hours.”

I nod and set an alarm on my phone. Just like any other day. The boys grab their coats and follow Gareth out. “Are you all going to the pub?” I fold my arms over my chest.

“Yeah, we go every year. Come with us,” Jesse says, shrugging on his coat.

“But someone has to watch dinner.” I huff and walk back into the kitchen. They close the door, leaving me alone. No wonder Linda left. This was basically her life, slaving over the three of them. I set a timer on my phone for when I need to turn the veg on and take my hoodie to my room.

Standing in front of the mirror, I pull it over my head and just manage to tug it over my breasts. It’s tight like I knew it would be, squashing my double D’s down to a B cup. There’s no tag to send it back and swap for another size, and I’m not about to tell Jesse it doesn’t fit. Yaz will like it. She’s into Demon Slayer too. At least someone can make use of it.

I drop onto my bed and read more of Mum’s book. The more I read, I realise this isn’t one of her stories. It’s her diary. Could this hold the secrets I crave?

It’s been months since I last saw Kane. The distance is really taking its toll on our relationship, even though we talk on the phone when he can and send letters. It’s not the same as having him here in person. I needed him when my nan passed away and he wasn’t here. I don’t know when I’m going to see him again, as he’s doing another tour straight after this. I’m not even sure if he’ll get a break in-between.

Cheryl hasn’t been around much. She went travelling around Europe when she finished her A-levels. It was a dream of ours to go together, but I couldn’t leave Nan. Now she’s passed away. She told me to go, but I’ve never been abroad before and I’m too scared to travel on my own. I can’t even drive.

I have made some new friends, though. A mutual friend who Cheryl never really liked asked me out a few times, so I said yes. They hang out at the lake. It’s only a short walk from the house and since Nan passed away, the parties usually end up at my place afterwards.

It’s a pain tidying up when they go, but I enjoy the company of the twins. Especially Gavin.

I’m not sure I’m any good at the long distance thing. It’s like all or nothing with Kane. He’s gone for weeks or months at a time and then when he’s here it’s full on. The last few weeks with him were intense. I enjoyed the sex. I don’t think I could have picked a nicer guy to lose my virginity to, but I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life only ever just sleeping with one man. As much as I love Kane, how do I know if he’s the one when I’ve nothing to compare to?

My timer goes off, alerting me to turn on the veg. Hopefully, everyone will be back soon, and we can sit and have a nice family dinner. I open the box of gold and silver crackers I picked up from the supermarket yesterday and set the table ready for dinner.

Everything is about ready and I turn the oven and hob to low, keeping everything warm. Sitting at the table, I flick through the Christmas food brochure from the supermarket. Pictures of families sitting at a table, having a traditional Christmas meal, warms my heart. All I’ve ever wanted is to sit down with my own family. With people who love me and care for me. I always thought having a blood relative meant having that feeling of being wanted and cared for, but the longer I sit waiting for them, the more emptiness swirls in and around me. Shane’s voice echoes in my head. ‘Family doesn’t have to mean blood.’ Or something to that effect.

* * *

The night draws in, pushing the sun down into the horizon. My bottom is numb from sitting on the wooden chair for so long. I call Jesse, but it goes to voicemail. A worry creeps in that something happened to them, but the roads are clear and the weather is dry. My tummy rumbles, and I decide to serve the meals up, hoping they will arrive home any minute.

After dishing up the food, I cover the bird with several layers of tinfoil and let it rest on the worktop. I pop their meals back in the warm oven, but turn everything off. They will have to reheat it when they get home.

My phone vibrates in the pocket of my skater dress. I glance at the screen, ready to read a text from Jesse, but it’s not from him. My heart races. Kane’s name appears in my message app. I hold my breath, tapping the screen.

Merry Christmas, Vi.

With the phone held to my chest, I breathe deeply, my sinuses burning from the simple sentiment. At least someone is thinking of me. He’s the one I should be with today. He was the one I wanted to be with, but after everything that’s happened, I can’t trust him.

I owe some loyalty to my father, but what if Lilly was right? I should show some loyalty to my mother and stay away from her enemy. The truth is, I just don’t know who that is anymore. After reading her book, she seemed infatuated with this guy. My Dad.

The thought of Kane being alone for another Christmas tugs at my heartstrings. I sigh and slump back against the seat, knowing all my plans for our first Christmas will never come to pass. This was going to be my first Christmas with someone who actually cared for me.

My tummy rumbles again, and I tuck into my roast dinner. The veg is a little overdone, but the guys will probably be too drunk to notice. With each mouthful of food, I want to cry. I make a new year’s resolution to myself that next year, I will have the best Christmas with people who love me.

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VIOLET

“Hello, love, nice to see you again. Haven’t seen you at the food cabin with Kane. I wasn’t sure if you were still around.”

I spin in my Converse, the rubber sole squeaking against the floor of the supermarket. “Hi, Carole. I’m still here.”

She rubs my arm. “Has Kane not been well? I didn’t like to say anything, but he hasn’t been himself these last few weeks.”

“How so?”

“Quiet, withdrawn, tired. I don’t think he’s shaved in a month. It’s a little worrying. I dropped a casserole in last week and the house was in a bit of a mess. His mamma would turn in her grave if she saw the state of the place.”

“I haven’t been living there since before Christmas.” My chest aches with guilt, knowing he’s suffering because of me. He was doing all right before I showed up dredging up the past and muddying the water.

“That explains it, dear, but he’s always kept things clean and tidy, being a military man. Even when his pa passed, he still kept the house tidy. My husband was in the Navy. Military men have a bit of OCD about keeping things shipshape, you know. It’s just so out of character for him. I did wonder if he was ill, but I didn’t like to pry.”

She just thought she’d ask around instead. “Thanks for telling me. He isn’t ill as far as I know.” He’s just a fucking liar and murderer, not to mention a thief that stole my heart.

“Anyway, give him my love when you see him, dear.”

“Okay.” I smile as she shuffles down the aisle, using the trolley like a Zimmer frame. I can’t even give him my love, let alone hers. It’s been weeks since Christmas. I asked Shane how he was last time I saw him, and he never said Kane was this bad.

* * *

At the end of my shift, I grab my coat and bag from the staff room and hold my new winter coat tight around me as I walk through the freezing wind to my car. Kane’s been on my mind all day since I saw Carole. I have this magnet in my chest that pulls me towards the farmhouse each time I drive home from the supermarket. I fight it with all my strength, but that strength is dwindling day by day. Today, right now, I embrace the pull and turn down the country lane that leads to his home.

Anticipation bubbles in my belly. My heart pounds and aches at the same time. My mind screams at me to stay away, to leave him alone and move on, but my heart won’t allow that, drawing me back here like a magnetic force willing us back together. Maybe I need to see him one last time and clear the air before I can fully move on.

Gravel crunches as I pull into his drive. The familiar sound comforts me, like coming home after a long day. The sunset scorches the sky, painting it in flames of red and orange. A warning? I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t stay away.

The land is eerily quiet, no machines humming from the workshop or engines roaring from the garage. Even the dog isn’t here to greet me. With a trembling hand, I knock on the door. It’s like the first time I arrived here, trepidation pounding in my head.

A whine and a scratch sound from the other side of the door and I try the handle. Belle greets me, jumping up with her wagging tail. “Sup, Belle? Hey, you missed me? I know, I know.” I crouch down, giving her a good fuss. She licks my face, frantically swishing her tail back and forth. I enter the dark house and flick on lights as I walk through the kitchen and then into the living room. The TV blasts out reruns of Only Fools and Horses and the coffee table is littered with empty crisp packets, a cereal box and a dinner plate that’s been licked clean by Belle.

Kane’s fast asleep on the sofa, his dark hair falls limp over his forehead and the black inked sockets of the skull on his chest expands with each deep wrinkle of his brow. The aroma of his home-grown brand fills the space, coming from an overflowing ashtray under the junk food.

The house looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since I left. Guilt claws at my stomach, but I’m not sure why. The only thing I know is that I don’t want him living like this. I roll my sleeves up and set to tidying the house. Belle follows my every step, probably hoping I will drop more food, but there’s nothing left in these empty packets. “You hungry, girl?”

I give her fresh water and some kibble, but she looks at me with her head tilted as though she wants the good stuff. “Oh no. I don’t know what he’s been feeding you while I’ve been gone, but you’re not getting around me with your big brown eyes.”

Making my way upstairs, I step into my old room. It’s just as I left it. Walking into Kane’s room, I make his bed, then notice Jane Eyre sitting on the nightstand next to his lamp. A pen marks his page and I open it to a black mark highlighting a passage.

Her coming was my hope each day,

Her parting was my pain;

The chance that did her steps delay

Was ice in every vein.

Is this about me? The marking on the page looks fresh and different from my mum’s side notes throughout the book. It’s obvious he hasn’t been himself. I’ve never known him not to make his bed to the same standard that was instilled in him in the army. And I’ve never known him to smoke or drink so much he passes out. My heart sinks a little more, knowing he’s been hurting just as much as I have.

Why couldn’t he have just been honest with me from the start? I pause, holding his duvet in my hand before I give it a shake. If he’d been honest, I doubt I’d have stayed and given him a chance.

I would have fled as far away as I could from my father’s murderer, casting him in the same light as everyone else in this town. I would’ve missed out on love.

My eyes swell. Even now I still love him, even though nothing good will come of it. My brain knows what’s good for me. It’s my weak heart that lacks discipline.

Him and Mr Rochester aren’t so different after all. Both held dark secrets. Kane may not have a wife locked away in the attic, but he does have a ghost tethered to his heart. He’ll never be able to let go of the guilt while my mother lingers as a constant reminder.

His laundry hamper overflows. I lug it downstairs and sort through it on the kitchen table, placing a load in the washing machine. Some of my clothes still sit in the bottom, telling me he hasn’t done any washing since I left.

Whipping round the house with a duster, Belle still chases my feet, grappling for my attention. Despite my pottering, Kane lies fast asleep, his face twitching from a dream. The last thing to do is hoover. I start upstairs and work my way down. Belle barking and snapping at the contraption like she always does. Kane thrashes his head from side to side but still doesn’t wake, even with the noise.

After several hours of cleaning, there’s nothing more to do. My bottom perches on the arm of the sofa and I lean over to swipe the curls from his forehead and press my lips over the deep worry etched on his brow. “I’m going now, but I’ll be back tomorrow after work, and I’ll bring food.”

He twitches his head, flickering his eyes open, then closes them again.

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KANE

Am I dreaming, or still high?

I can’t tell anymore.

I’ve imagined her here so many times. Her purple hair splayed on my pillow, her pink lips on my skin. My eyelids grow heavy and close again with her beautiful face still imprinted. I dreamed she was here, moving her stuff in.

Rough licks on my face have me groaning awake, though I don’t open my eyes, not ready to face the day and tidy my shit. Everything has become such an effort since she left. Another lick to my face and a bark, then she’s tugging on a blanket I don’t remember using.

When I open my eyes, a car engine rumbles and tyres crunch along the gravel. I throw off the blanket and pace to the window. Lilly’s driving down the path. Turning around, it takes me a moment to register where I am. This isn’t my house. It’s clean. I walk into the kitchen, inhaling the scent of jasmine from the laundry hanging on an airer. Violet’s t-shirt and pyjamas hang next to my clothes. Another reminder that she’s gone.

My palm runs down my face and I shoot off a text to Lilly to thank her for checking on me, but she didn’t need to clean the whole fucking house. I was happy wallowing in my own self pity.

After showering, I open the cupboard, but all I have is a packet of noodles and a tin of rice pudding. My stomach churns from the lack of food mixed with the alcohol I consumed yesterday. I open the tin of rice pudding and spoon it into my mouth directly from the tin. No need for a bowl. I don’t want to mess up the gleaming kitchen. It’s the first time I’ve seen the bottom of the sink in weeks.

Belle barks, reminding me of her empty bowl. “Sorry girl. At least you have plenty of food in.” I fill her bowl up with kibble, then drop a dollop of the rice pudding on top as a treat for putting up with me these last few weeks. “At least someone still wants to live with me.” I ruffle Belle’s fur, then give her fresh water.

The house is bitterly cold, but there’s no point making a fire yet. I have work to do in the workshop. I walk by the sad-looking Christmas tree, which looks more brown than green now most of the needles have fallen off, but I can’t seem to bring myself to take it down.

I refuse to open her gift to me if she isn’t here. I’m still clinging to the idea that we can salvage some sort of Christmas that we planned, or that I planned for her. I’d wanted to make it the best Christmas she’d ever had. Instead, I probably made it the worst.

I’d planned on cooking a roast dinner, a dessert for later. We could have done all the family stuff she missed. I even dug out an old game of scrabble. Then I would’ve made love to her on the rug in front of the fire, then filled up on sweets and chocolate.

It was the first Christmas I was actually looking forward to since the last one I spent with Ali. After that, Christmas was just another day in the slammer. And then after it became another reminder that I was all alone.

My phone pings, snapping me from the trance I’m in. It’s the app telling me Vi’s on the move. I watch the dot flash along the screen, getting closer to the supermarket with each passing second. I turned off the tracking app for a while, but I turned it back on just to keep an eye on her. It’s comforting to know where she is, even though thoughts of her at their house twist my insides.

I really should make a trip to the store, but I’m so behind with my work. Perhaps later. I’m desperate to see her, but I don’t want to upset her. The look she gave me on Christmas Eve only added to my pain. I can’t tell her the truth or how I feel. This is just how it is now and the sooner I get over her, the better.

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VIOLET

“Lets order shots,” Yaz says.

“Hell yes.” It seems so long since I actually enjoyed myself. Tonight I’m going to forget everything and just do what every other nineteen-year-old does on their birthday. Have fun. “We’re not just celebrating my birthday tonight.”

“So, what else are we celebrating?” Yaz shouts over the music at the Black Crow.

“No Kane, No Jesse, No Jack, just us girls on a night out.”

“Speaking of Jesse.” She points over the bar that opens up into another room. Jesse lifts his pint with a smirk. Fucker. I knew I shouldn’t have asked him for a lift. First Kane, now him. Ugh.

I tip back my shot of vodka. My throat burns. I order another round as I breathe fire from my mouth.

Yaz giggles. She swipes the black hair from her face, revealing sparkly eyes, the alcohol melting away her moody scowl.

Marie stands on the other side of the bar, hanging from Jack’s arms, giving us the dead-eye.

Yaz passes me another shot, nodding to the other side of the bar. “What’s her problem?”

“We had a fight. She thought I was after Jack.”

“Like you’d date one of the blockhead brothers. They’re not even your type. Are they?” She furrows her brow as I cringe inwardly.

She’s right, I usually go for more grunge than what they offer, but she doesn’t need to know my current flavour is older, tattooed ex convicts. Why can’t I get him out of my head?

“Let’s go in the back.” She picks up a tray of drinks and weaves through the tables.

I follow Yaz into the back room with the pool table. The guys from the band are there before their next set starts.

“Hey Letty’s here,” Toby shouts.

I smile and lean against the wall with Yaz and watch the guys play pool. The night is turning out pretty decent. At least I’m with friends. Yaz and her group are my kind of people. Not a bunch of pick-me’s like Marie and Lucy’s crew.

“Kane’s here,” Yaz says.

I snap my head to the side, glancing out the window. Kane gets out of Shane’s Red Mitsubishi and both men walk to the back door. I dash into the bar and duck under a table.

Toby bends. “What are you doing?”

“I…er…I don’t want him to see me. It will be awkward.”

Yaz crouches down alongside me. “But you’re not living with him now. He won’t drag you home again, will he?”

With my intoxicated state of mind and weakened heart, I almost want him to drag me into his car, drive me home, and lock me up in that old farmhouse. I’d quite happily be his prisoner. I shake my head. No. No. No. Perhaps there’s a reason I haven’t seen him since I cleaned his place. When I took food around the next day, he wasn’t home.

I should just go.

Peering over the table, I hold my breath, watching him walk into the bar with Shane as if they own the place; their usual swagger. Kane leans on the bar, no doubt ordering his usual pint of bitter.

“Oh fuck. Jack is giving him the stink eye from the other room, through the bar,” Yaz says.

“Great.” I sit on the floor. “That’s all I need.”

Kane bristles, straightening his back and standing tall. Shane passes him a drink and they move towards the back room, all the while he’s staring through the bar as if looking for someone. Me?

Once they’re out of sight, I relax and sit on the stool. I can see Jack peering through the bar from the other side, but he doesn’t give me his usual smile or smirk, just a death stare. A warning.

I guzzle down my bottle of cider, needing another hit of vodka. The band set up ready to thrash out their usual punk rock. I’m thankful for the din drowning out my thoughts. “I need another shot.”

Yaz follows me to the bar. Every bone in my body is pulling me to the back room, but my feet won’t allow me to move, keeping me firmly planted in place with the weight of my black boots and the fear of what will happen when confronted with him.

Several more rounds later, it’s no use. I need the loo and the only way to the ladies is through the back room. My heart pounds like a wild animal. The pulse in my neck throbs like an alarm siren, causing a beacon of heat to flash on my cheeks.

With heavy limbs, I trudge through the back door. The room is full of the usual crowd, and I’m thankful I can slip by with my back against the wall behind a tower of big burly bikers. I let out a sigh of relief when I reach the stairs and grip the handrail that leads to the toilets.

After relieving myself, I check my makeup in the mirror just in case I run into him. With the alcohol buzzing in my veins, I hope I run into him, but my head is telling me to stay away. The more I drink, the quieter that voice becomes. I comb my fingers through my purple hair, flicking it over to one side, then back to the other while I rub the dark lipstick between my lips. It’s almost black in this light, matching my nails and outfit that reflect my mood lately.

I stumble against the door, then count to three, taking in a deep breath before risking the games room again. The corridor light is broken, the only illumination comes from the stairwell. I gasp when a rough hand yanks me, pulling my back flush with a hard chest. Warm arms hold me still and the familiar scent of wood and weed engulfs me.

Kane…

Lost in him, I lean into his muscular chest. His breath fanning my neck as he exhales rapidly with my name rolling off his tongue like a drug. “Vi.”

Each time he speaks my name, my heart flutters as if being called home. His hand holds a bottle of beer while his other hand moves to my throat. He holds me still in his embrace. The pulse of his heart and every ragged breath from his lungs vibrates against my back.

“I’ve missed you, Vi.” His warm lips press against my neck, feeding the furnace that grows inside of me. “Are you safe? Are they kind to you?”

I nod, my chin pressing against his hand gently around my throat.

“You know I’d put any of those motherfuckers in hospital if they laid a hand on you.” The gentleness of his voice contrasts with the deadliness of his words.

I hold his hand around my throat and turn to face him. “I’m all right Kane, really.” The sight of him up close, even under the dim lights of the corridor, has me retracing every weary line of his chiselled face with my gaze.

He pushes me against the wall, smothering my frame with his and caging me in. “You have to know that even though I’m a monster, I would never hurt you.” The words are pained. He dips his head, trailing his nose down my hairline before nuzzling into my neck and inhaling my scent like a wild beast. “You know I’d never hurt you, right? I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid, Kane.” My palms flatten against his chest over the taut muscle rising and falling with each pained breath.

Our eyes lock. He holds my gaze. Dark eyes full of hate and anger, but also soft around the edges, bleeding into a pool of silver. They turn molten as he dives down to swallow my mouth. Teeth crash against my lips, his tongue piercing through the barrier with a demanding need.

I kiss him back, melting in his liquid heat. My knickers combust into a river of flames. He’s all I want and all I need. A whimper slips from my mouth to his and he stiffens, deepening the kiss, pressing his entire body against mine.

He pulls away, panting. “Come home, Vi.”

My throat swells. Tears to blur my vision, distorting his handsome face. My heart yearns to go home with him, but I can’t. For several reasons, I’ve finally found a family, a blood relative and I don’t want to piss them off by moving back in with their arch nemesis and besides, I can’t forget he murdered my father and kept it from me.

“Why didn’t you tell me that Mum was r—aped?” I choke out the last word.

His body tenses, the tick in his jaw present, and he clears his throat before taking a swallow of his beer. “Lilly shouldn’t have told you that.”

I search his eyes for any truth, but they’re stern and dark again, like talking about my mother has poured cold water over the raging fire. “Is it true?”

He drops his head and closes his eyes, taking in long deep breaths before he speaks. “I thought it was. Your mother would never admit to anything, though. She didn’t want you growing up the product of that.” He gulps down another swig from the bottle.

I stroke the scruff on his jaw with my fingertips. “Why didn’t you say something? I could have forgiven you, had I known the full truth.”

“It’s better to think I’m a monster than your own blood. It’s what your mum wanted. You don't need to know how you were brought into this world.”

Tears threaten my eyes again. “Mum’s not here, though, and you are.” My fingers curve around his neck, hoping to entice him closer once more.

“Come home. Let me take care of you again.”

“I’m all right. They’re good to me. They look after me.”

The cold wet bottleneck slides down the valley of my breasts, over my black dress. His fingertips follow, causing a tingle where his skin touches.

With his other hand, his palm roams the dimples of my outer thigh, inching up my flared dress. “But who takes care of you, Vi?” He drags the bottle over the front of my dress, then underneath, prodding the neck between my thighs. “Who takes care of this?”

My body trembles. “Nobody, Daddy.”

The fire returns in his eyes. Steel-blue irises pierce my heart as the bottleneck finds its way inside my knickers. “Spread your legs wider, baby girl.”

As I widen my stance, the tip of the bottle pierces my clenched walls. I moan whispers of pleasure as he fucks me with the neck of the bottle. His thumb presses against my clit, applying the right amount of pressure to have me sag against the wall. My legs weaken, my body limp, shaking as he wrings out my orgasm.

“Does my dirty girl need to come?” He stops his movements and I take over, rotating my hips, feeling the round glass bottle against my walls.

“Please, Daddy.”

“Come home. Let me fuck you how you need to be fucked, how only I can satisfy you. I’ll take care of your every need, Vi.” He rumbles deep from his belly as he says my name. “I’ll take care of this.” He rubs circles around my clit with his thumb.

My back arches against the wall, my hips frantically rocking against the bottle and his hand.

“Let me take care of my girl on her birthday.” His forehead rests against mine, his lips pressing against my cheek as he pleasures me with the bottle.

“I can’t.” My fingers curl around the fabric of his t-shirt, clinging on to him as waves of pleasure wash over me.

“Did you know the flower for February is violets?” He lifts the sleeve of his t-shirt, revealing the violets tangled with barbed wire around his biceps. I never thought much about the Roman numerals weaved into the design, but on inspection, it’s clear now, it’s today’s date. My birthdate.

My eyes water, overwhelming emotion mixed with pure bliss wracks my body. All this time, he had my birthdate tattooed on his skin. I’ve never felt unconditional love.

Until now.

Someone approaches the corridor, slipping into the toilets, but I don’t care. Kane adjusts his stance, shielding me from any eyes, and as I moan, he engulfs my mouth with his, swallowing my cries of bliss as I tighten around the bottle. Tingles fire off in my body, little sparks of delight twitching in my centre.

Kane lifts his lips into a smirk, one of pure satisfaction at my unravelling. I hang on to him, my fist knotted in his t-shirt, the only thing keeping me standing with the state of delirium he has me in. That and the alcohol running through my veins. I’m completely at his mercy, ready for him to take me home, back to his farmhouse and into his bed.

“Letty.” A growl sounds from down the corridor, followed by stomping boots.

Kane bristles. His hand moves from under my skirt, bringing the bottle coated in my arousal to his lips, and takes a drink.

I wipe around my mouth, trying to erase any smudged lipstick as Jack pounds towards us.

“Letty. Let’s go?”

“I’ll be right there, Jack.” My trembling voice calls down the hall.

Kane crowds me, still caging me in and preventing me from moving. “Come home with me, Vi.”

“I can’t.” Jack gets closer and I signal for him to give me a minute, holding my index finger up over Kane’s shoulder. “I’ll call at your place after work again one night, I promise.” I slide along the wall, crouching under his arm.

Jack scowls at us both.

Kane grips my arm. “Again? That was you?”

“Get your grubby hands off her,” Jack says, taking the few steps towards us.

“Jack, it’s fine.”

Kane stands tall. He has a few inches on Jack, but Jack is beefier. “She’s coming home with me tonight.” Kane clings to my arms, his grip like a vise, imprinting me with his fingerprints.

“Like hell she is. She belongs to us now. You couldn’t even take care of your woman.”

Kane lets go of me and pushes Jack against the wall with a growl. “She will never belong to you.”

Jack laughs, taunting him. “What are you gonna do, beat me like my uncle? I dare you. One hit, go on. One hit is all it’ll take to get that tag put back on. Dogs like you need to be kept on a leash.”

I place my hand on Kane’s biceps as he fists Jack’s shirt, his other hand gripping his throat, but not tight enough to remove his smirk. The vein in Kane’s neck bulges, then relaxes as my hand smoothes over his skin. “Kane. I’ll see you in a few days.”

He releases Jack and they stare each other out.

“Let’s go, Jack.” I can’t get him away quick enough, afraid of what Kane will do. The words from Lilly running through my mind like a broken record. ‘He’ll get himself locked up again.’

Jack places his arm around my shoulder as we walk down the dim corridor. I shrug out of it, turning back to glance at Kane before I descend the stairs. He’s watching us leave, lurking in the dark corner, gripping the bottle tight.

My core clenches with the memory of that bottle and another spark fires off in my centre.

Jesse, Marie, and Lucy wait at the bottom of the stairs, looking a little wasted. “You found her.”

Jack ignores them, pulling the keys from his back pocket. “Get her in the back.”

“Oooh Letty, have you been bad?” Jesse chuckles, but hearing him say the words makes a little bit of sick rise in my throat.

I stomp to their car and jump in the passenger seat, forcing the rest of them to pile in the back.

Jack grips his hands firmly on the steering wheel and pulls out, then brakes sharply to prevent ramming into Shane’s car. I’m sure if Kane had driven tonight, he wouldn’t have hesitated to ram into his Ford Ranger.

He shifts gears and drives out of the car park at speed, screeching the tyres as he turns onto the road. “You’ve been going to his house?” He gives me a sideways glance. “Why the fuck would you go back there?”

“I wanted to check he was okay.”

Jesse leans through the gap between the front seats. “What are you talking about? Check who was okay?”

“Little red riding hood here has been checking on the big bad wolf.”

Jesse looks between the two of us. “Don’t let Dad find out you still have anything to do with him. I won’t be able to protect you.”

The hairs on the back of my neck prickle. Adrenaline sobers me. I don’t want to believe my father was a rapist, but I refuse to believe Kane would hurt anyone without good reason. He’s right. I should’ve known before. I should never have left without an explanation.

Surrounded by wolves in sheep’s clothing, it’s difficult to know who my allies are. I glance around the cab. Marie glares at me as if burning laser beams into my skull. She still hates me. Lucy doesn’t have a care in the world and rests her head against the window with a drunken smile on her face. Max must still be at the bar. Lucy must be with Jesse tonight.

Kane was right. They do share girls. Was I going to be their next conquest? If only to get back at Kane when they thought he was my dad or guardian or whatever. The thought sickens me. My insides twist, forcing more bile to burn in my chest.

Jack slams his foot against the brakes in front of his house. Lucy bangs her head on the window. “Fuck’s sake, Jack.”

I open the door and leave them to it, heading to my room, then text Yaz to apologise for leaving without saying goodbye. So much for celebrating my birthday.

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

Each night this week, I’ve finished work early, showered and made sure the place is spotless, hoping tonight will be the night she calls after work. I made a few enquiries and got her rota. Each night I’ve been disappointed, I worry if she’s okay. Gareth won’t want her anywhere near me, and between them all they’ve no doubt poisoned her against me.

I stir the chicken in the wok, another decent meal where I’ve prepared extra just in case she turns up. Belle’s eaten like a queen this last week. Her eyes are wide as she patiently watches me stir. “I know what you’re after.” I ruffle her black and white fur behind her ears and she licks my arm for any traces of food.

The gravel crunches under the rickety sound of her mini. My chest swells. “Sorry, lass. Looks like you won’t be getting any chicken tonight.” I turn the flame on the gas stove to low and stride over to the door. Her violet hair shines under the moonlight and the wind blows it from her face, revealing her beautiful smile.

She corners the car, carrying two shopping bags. “I didn’t know if your cupboards would be empty again so I brought more supplies.” She hands the bags to me.

I place them on the floor and take her in my arms, inhaling the scent of her hair. “When?” I pull away, holding her at arm’s length.

“The last time I was here, your cupboards were empty.” She smiles with sad eyes, bringing her hand to smooth the wrinkle in my brow away with her soft fingers. “Most of your cupboard contents were strewn over the coffee table while you were… indisposed.”

“Thank you.” I press my lips to her temple. “When I found out that was you, I never had time to tell you how grateful I was.”

Her lip lifts in the corner. “I think you showed your gratitude.”

Belle fusses around her legs, and she bends, giving her a stroke. “Did you miss me, girl? I know I’m sorry I haven’t been back sooner.” She kisses her wet nose and pats her head as she stands and I take the bags into the kitchen.

“Something smells good.”

I rub the back of my neck. “I made enough for both of us if you can stay.” Please say you’ll stay. I give the stir fry another stir and take her hand. “Say you’ll stay, or I’m gonna have to tie you to the chair with my belt.”

Her lips curl up in one corner. “I kinda like the sound of that.”

A laugh bursts from my mouth. “I thought you would. Perhaps after dinner.” I wave the spatula at the chair at the head of the oak table, then swat her ass with it. “Sit.”

She does as I ask and Belle rests her nose on her thighs as Vi fusses behind her ears. I put the food away, but leave out a small vanilla and blueberry cheesecake she bought, reminding me of her blueberry pancakes, then I serve our dinner and sit next to her.

“Thank you.”

“How’s things over at their house? They treating you well?”

She swallows her food. “Yes. I have my own room and since Gareth got the results back from the DNA test, he’s been kinder to me. The boys look out for me.”

“He did a DNA test?”

“He didn’t know what to believe. He thought I was your daughter, along with everyone else in this town.”

“A part of me wishes you were.” I shovel another mouthful of chicken. The only comfort is knowing they wouldn’t hurt one of their own.

“I don’t.” She smiles at me. “I don’t think it would be right to want to fuck your dad.”

Something inside my chest swells along with my throbbing dick. Of course she’s right, but if she was my daughter, I could keep her safe and away from them. I’d never have signed those papers giving up my parental rights and she would have grown up here. Dad wouldn’t have turned away his own grandkid. Mum would have taken care of her for as long as she could and once I was released from prison, I would have had a purpose.

I’d have done her room up in lilacs and blues, filled it with every cuddly toy she ever wanted. We could have both saved each other. At least I’d always get to keep her, something I can’t do now, especially since I read her mail, which reminds me of another thing I need to confess to.

“Some letters came for you.”

“Really? I didn’t know anyone knew I was here.”

“I have a confession to make.” I drop the fork on my plate and grab a bunch of mail from the top of the fridge. I flick through the endless bills and paperwork above the fridge.

“Another confession?”

I clear my throat, tossing the envelope from Leeds university on the table.

“What’s this?”

Gingerly, I sit back down at the table. “I took the liberty of applying to university for you.”

“You—”

I hold up my hand. “You don’t have to worry about money. I have some savings. Whatever it costs to send you to uni, I’ll cover it.”

Her mouth parts as she reads the letter, inviting her for an interview after reading some of her work I sent them. “You sent them my work?”

“I sent one of those new notebooks I bought you with some of your poetry inside.” A smile cracks my stone features. She hasn’t taken it too bad so far.

She chews on the inside of her mouth, tapping the fork against the porcelain plate. “I thought you wanted me to be with you. The whole time you were plotting for me to go off to some fucking university.” The fork clatters on the plate.

“Vi, it’s what your mother would have wanted.”

“Screw my mother. What about what I want?”

“All right. What do you want?” I lean back in the chair and wipe my mouth, waiting for her to elaborate.

“I want a family. A place I can call home. Somewhere I can keep my stuff instead of lugging it around in a holdall. I want somewhere I can come home after work, kick off my shoes and change into my scruffs and walk around like a slob if I want to or naked.”

A half laugh huffs out of me, but she isn’t laughing. “You know everything you just mentioned, you can do that here. I won’t complain if you want to walk around naked. But I’ll be damned if I sit back and watch you waste your life stacking shelves. Promise me you’ll at least think about the possibility of going for the interview and securing the placement.”

She gives me a dramatic eye roll, but stuffs the letter in her purse.

“Finish your dinner.” I wave my fork towards her plate and she wolfs it down.

She rolls her sleeves up after her meal and runs the hot water to fill the old Belfast sink. “I should get going soon.”

I take the plates from her, then turn off the tap. “Not yet. Stay for a while, we can watch a movie or something like we used to. You go choose something while I wash up.”

* * *

Entering the living room, I flick the switch for the twinkling Christmas tree lights. Her birthday gift hangs on a branch and the Christmas gift she gave me is still wrapped underneath. She hasn’t seen it. I’m sure she hasn’t or she would have mentioned it.

“What’s Scrabble doing out?”

Vi looks up through her long lashes with a cheeky grin on her face. Those tempting fucking dimples on display. “I found it in the cupboard. Thought we could play.”

I open the can of beer in my hand and pass her a bottle of fruit cider. “I haven’t played since I was a kid. Half the pieces are probably missing.”

“It looks okay to me.” She opens the old tatty board. Mum used this to help me spell when I was a kid. Happy memories come flooding back to me, and I sit on the floor next to the coffee table with her.

She hands me a tile holder and holds open the bag, giving it a shake. “Take seven tiles.”

“I do remember how to play.” I pull the tiles from the bag and have the most awkward of letters.

“I have my own rules to make it a little interesting.”

“Of course you do.”

Setting up her tiles in the holder, hiding them from my wandering eye, she giggles, but it’s a little sinister. “So you have to spell out an action and then you have to do it.”

My brain takes a while for what she’s saying to register. I glance at my tiles, knowing there isn’t one action there that I can spell out. “All right. You go first.”

She sets her tiles on the board, spelling out the word ‘BLINK’, getting a double letter score on the ‘K’.

“Sixteen points. Impressive. Does that mean you have to blink sixteen times?” A chuckle rocks my shoulders, watching her exaggerate a blink sixteen times.

“That’s a good idea, yes.”

I jot down her score.

“Oooh, Mr Serious Scrabble Man, even taking down the scores.” She giggles, but she’s the one who looked ridiculous with her frantic blinking.

“Want to make this even more interesting?”

“If you think you can make this more interesting than what I have planned, go ahead.”

“The loser has to wait on the other for the rest of the night.”

She huffs. “I practically do that, anyway.”

“More incentive for you to win, then.” I lean over the table to tap her pouty lips, then stare at my letters, wondering what the hell I can play. At this rate, she’ll be winning hands down. With no vowels, the only word I can spell is ‘SIT’, placing them either side of her ‘I’.

“Is that it?” She belly laughs. “That’s three points. Write that down in your little pad.”

I do as she says, giving her a scowl as she continues to laugh at me. At least I only have to get up and sit three times. When her laugh is no more than a smile, she makes her move. ‘KISS’, giving her eight points.

“How are you gonna do the action? You will have to kiss your hand or something.”

The sinister smile is back. My heart rate accelerates. I see where this is going. She crawls around the coffee table on all fours, prowling like a cat, but I’m no mouse. If this is the game she’s playing, tonight I’m a fucking stag, and it’s rutting season.

I let her have her moment, my cock threatening to thicken as she climbs onto my lap. Her fingers stroke the scruff on my jaw. She brings her face close, but hesitates.

My hands instinctively slide up her thighs until I reach her ass, pulling her closer so she can feel my hardening cock between her thighs.

Her lips brush mine, her tongue sliding along my seam in long teasing strokes. A smile parts my lips, and I stick my tongue out to lick hers before she swallows my lips. A hum vibrates from her mouth. The kiss full of all the pent up passion that we’ve missed. My hands glide up her shirt, my fingers clawing at her bra strap. I’ve every mind to toss the scrabble board on the fire and lay her down on this rug and fuck her, remind her where she belongs and where her home is. But for now, I keep my control and let her have the power.

She breaks the kiss with panting breaths. Her palms press against my chest as she shuffles from my lap.

“Where do you think you’re going, petal?” I nod to the board. “Eight points. That’s seven more kisses.”

Her eyes dance from the twinkling colours on the tree and something else, something hot and wanting as she takes my mouth again.

“Two down. Six more to go.”

I’m not sure how long we’ve been kissing, but each kiss between breaths is long and full of all her desires as my tongue tastes all her secrets. Her hips rock against my steel cock, the heat of the moment getting the better of her. It’s time to break the kiss.

“That’s eight. You better hope you get another K if you want a fuck.”

Her pouty lips try to kiss me again.

“Naughty girl. You’re not playing by the rules.”

“Fuck the rules. It was a stupid game.”

I chuckle. “They’re your rules, and we’re playing this game now. I’m into it.” I write her eight points on the pad. She’s winning me by a mile. I need to up my game. Luckily, I have some vowels now and play over a triple letter score, giving me eight points with ‘SLAP’.

Her eyes grow wide. She gulps.

“You’d better run, petal. That’s eight slaps you’re gonna get. You’ve been a bad girl.”

She jumps to her feet, then darts for the kitchen. I let her get ahead of me. Footsteps pound up the stairs. The floorboards creek above me in her old room.

With my cock still hard from her kisses, I adjust my jeans as I make my way up the stairs at a leisurely pace. “You’d better hide, petal. I’m coming for you.” In her room, I search behind the curtain, under the bed and in her wardrobe, but she’s not here.

A shadow floats past the door on the landing, then she’s padding back downstairs. She yelps when I reach for her at the bottom of the stairs, but she slips from my fingers and makes her way into the kitchen.

Grabbing a spatula from the worktop, she takes up her fighting position behind the oak table.

“Choosing your spanking toy, petal. Nice choice. It will fit perfectly where I plan on slapping you.”

She gasps and throws it in the sink behind her. The oak legs screech along the tiles when I push the table against the kitchen unit, preventing her from running around it and escaping me.

I have her trapped. Her heavy breaths lift her chest high as I close in on her. She makes one last attempt to escape and climb over the table, but I grip her waist from behind, holding her at the perfect angle with her ass lined up with my dick. I hold her in place, grinding my hips against the plump cheeks of her ass and let out a growl.

Her body vibrates, but it’s not fear, it’s anticipation. “How many slaps?”

“Eight.” My hands squeeze her soft round cheeks, but it’s not there I plan on slapping. “Pull your leggings down for me, petal.” I want her to show me how eager she is for my hand, and just as I thought, she’s already baring herself to me, pulling her knickers down along with her bottoms. Her palms flat against the table while she sticks her ass out further, ready for my hand.

I run my middle finger down her seam, into her slick cunt. “Always so wet.” I hold my finger up, covered in her arousal. The bright light of the kitchen highlighting just how slick she is.

“Touch me again.” Her stance widens, her hips grinding into the table, searching for any friction she can get. “Please, touch me.”

“Is your greedy pussy desperate for some attention?”

“Yes.”

“Beg me for it.”

“Please, Kane.”

My fingers tease the top of her thighs, mere inches from her dripping pussy. “Please what?”

“Please, Daddy. Show my pussy some attention.”

When she calls me that, I can’t deny her any longer. As much fun as this game is, my cock’s ready to explode inside my jeans. I probably will come before I fuck her at this rate.

“Turn over Vi.”

Her head tilts, giving me a fiery gaze with pinched eyebrows.

“I want you on your back with your legs spread so I can give your greedy pussy all the attention it deserves.” My hand palms my dick over my jeans, stroking the beast to keep him satiated for now.

Vi lies on her back on the table, lifting her feet up, her leggings wrap around her purple fluffy socks. My lip curls in the corner. Then she drops her knees to the side, opening herself up like a flower, showing me that pink little bud.

“Good girl.”

Her leg trembles as I stand to her side, running a finger down her inner thigh, coaxing my way to her heat. Her arousal fills the room, tension crackling between us. Every muscle in my body is on fire, screaming for some release, but I’m playing the game. The longer I play, the longer she stays here. There’s no fucking way she’s leaving tonight. I would’ve been happy with the odd visit, but not after this.

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OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

His eyes flit between mine and my raging sex. My empty walls pulse, desperate for him to fill me up and give me that burning stretch I’ve missed for so long. Lying here on his table, I wonder why I ever left. I belong here. He is my family. Whether I’m tied to him in blood or not is irrelevant. I belong here with him. He’s my deliverance.

Another shiver courses through me as his finger reaches the juncture of my thigh. Molten silver-blue eyes flash to mine.

Slap.

My body jolts at the stinging palm on my plump pussy. I’d forgotten all about the game. My legs clamp shut before he can deliver another blow, but the tightening of my thighs only makes my core ache more.

“Open up, flower,” he growls. “Seven more to go.”

With shaky knees, I let them drop back against the table, but my fingers curl around the edge of the wood, along with my toes.

Slap. “Two.”

Pain and pleasure rock through me, tangling together in a duel.

“Three.”

The flesh on my pussy burns with his stinging slaps, but the sparks of lightning in my clit as each one strikes is euphoric.

“Four.”

I lift my pussy to meet his palm this time, desperate for the touch of his hand and hoping it will linger. Another rapturous sting causes me to cry out.

“Your greedy pussy wants more, huh?” He smirks. His other hand strokes the hair from my face. “Shh, shh. Only four more to go, petal. You’re doing so well.” His ravenous eyes focus back on my centre. “Five.”

I cry out his name. My whole body vibrating with the need to come. “Please let me come.” I tense my legs, lifting my bottom from the table to meet his palm again.

“Six. Your pussy looks so pretty all pinked up.”

I’ll come from his words alone if he keeps talking to me in that low, dark tone.

Standing at my side, he takes my hand in his and brings it to the bulge in his jeans. “Feel what you’re doing to me.”

I cup him there, massaging him over the denim fabric with one hand.

He growls. “Seven.”

I gasp, sucking in the air through my teeth, but continue to massage him, hoping he’ll return the favour when he’s slapped me one last time.

“Eight.”

And there it is. The final blow, leaving me on the cusp of orgasm. The ache is almost painful. “Please Kane, make me come.”

A dark grin creases the corner of his eyes. “That depends on what you play next, Vi. Your turn.” He walks back into the room and takes his previous position on the rug like he hasn’t almost annihilated my cooch.

I don’t bother putting my knickers and leggings back on. If I have to sit there tortured, then so does he. My t-shirt barely covers my ass. I sit on the floor in front of the warm log fire and cross my legs, exposing myself.

“You’re making a mess on my rug.”

“Well, you should have dealt with it sooner.”

He smirks again. Bastard.

But I have the last laugh when I place the word ‘EAT’ on the board. A measly three points was worth the look on his face. Plus, it’s only right I return the favour. “Pants off, Daddy. Time for my second course.”

He unbuckles his belt with a heated stare, molten silver pooling from his eyes as they watch me crawl towards him. His engorged dick is let loose, and I feast my eyes on the plate of meat served before me.

With my teasing tongue, I start at the tip, licking the pearl of salty pre-come from the slit. I trail the blue vein bulging down the side, then bob my head low, sucking in one of his balls. His lashes flicker. The fire from the logs reflects in his eyes, dancing with the silver heat.

I return to the tip, then take him deep. So deep he hits the back of my throat with my hand gripping him at the base. With a slurp, I pop him from my mouth, then do it again. His hand fists my curls, holding my head in place, but he doesn’t get to control this situation. This is my turn, my game now, and I say when he’s done.

I bite down on his dick, causing a jerk of his hip, then I scrape my teeth along his length. A smile forms on my face as I graze along his skin. His eyes narrow in on the act, but I think he likes it. If not, he’s taking it like a man, and he better get used to it. I have three points. So that’s three times I’m going to bite him.

His grip on my hair loosens, and I suck his balls again. A delicacy of mine. When I take his length again, I try to go deeper, settling him further in my throat until I’m gagging and constricting around him. He growls, vibrating low in his belly. I pop him out before he comes all too soon. Where’s the fun in that?

“You’re torturing me.”

Another smile spreads on my face. “What’s wrong, Daddy? Can’t take what you dish out?”

“You’re gonna pay for this, petal.” He emphasises the p, then groans again as I take him deep. He fists my hair, holding my head in place while I gag on his dick.

“Choke on it, Vi.” His eyes roll back in his head. My eyes water. I can’t move my head, but nothing is holding my jaw, and I bite down before he comes. He releases me, and I slide him from my mouth, ending with a kiss on the tip.

“You’re gonna pay for that, baby girl.” Rough hands grip my shirt, tugging at the hem and yank it over my head in one swift motion. Throwing it on top of the coffee table. The letters skitter across the board and drop onto the floor along with my top. He pushes me back against the plush rug. Hovering over me, he tugs off his own t-shirt with one hand, then pulls both cups of my bra down, so my tits spill over the fabric.

My heart pounds like a rabbit trapped beneath a wolf. His hungry eyes, dripping with desire. He doesn’t know whether to eat me or play with me first. His hand slaps my thighs apart. The game forgotten, he holds his dick at my entrance, then runs it along my seam, coating himself in my slickness.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard, you’re not gonna be able to leave here, even if you wanted to.”

“Promise?”

He crushes me with his searing mouth. My nails claw at his neck, willing on his threat. He can keep me here, fuck me until sunrise. I want that. I want him. Why have I been fighting it for so long? There’s no denying this any more.

“I promise, Vi.”

I suck in a breath. He breaches my walls slowly. With my stinging flesh still sore on the outside and now the burning stretch from within, I’m panting. Moisture coats my body. Heat from the fire, mixed with the molten heat from him, stokes the furnace inside of me. It could be blowing a blizzard in here, and I would still be a raging inferno.

He pulls out, then slams back into me, hitting parts of me that make my toes curl. Unable to keep up with his bruising thrusts, I cling to him as if my life depends on it. My nails dig into the ink on his biceps. Wave after wave of pleasure pulses through me with each punishing stroke, reminding me what I’ve missed and threatening me to never leave him again.

“You’ve always belonged to me, Vi.” He ruts into me again. My legs are like jelly, a jiggling mess as he continues his ravishing pace. “Mine to take care of.” His mouth presses against my lips, his tongue licking my moans. “Mine to fuck.”

“Yes, Daddy.” My arms wrap around his neck, holding his face close to mine as he continues to say filthy things to me.

“Daddy’s gonna take care of his baby girl.” He glances between us. “And this pussy.” His arms shake as he holds himself above me, his muscles burning beneath my palms as he keeps up his insatiable pace. “You’re mine to love.”

As the word love leaves his lips, an explosion of shimmering white light fills the room. Heat strikes my centre, causing tingles to fork off into every limb. My back arches, my breasts pushing against his chest.

Only Kane has ever made me come so hard I see stars. Only tonight it’s a galaxy lighting up my soul with all the love he has for me like a beacon of hope lighting up my world after the darkness.

Everything about our relationship is messed up. I shouldn’t want or love my family’s enemy, but I’m drawn to him like the moon chases the sun. He’s my guiding light, providing a sense of direction and hope in the darkest of times.

He slows his movements, peppering my face with kisses. I was so lost in my own rapture, I never noticed we came together.

My palm wipes the beads of moisture from his forehead. “You’re mine to take care of, too.” I press my lips to his, hoping he can feel the weight of my words and my forgiveness.

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

We hold each other on the rug in front of the fire. My knuckles graze her back as I stare at the dancing flames, willing this night to never end.

She lifts onto her elbow, looking between me and the lone gift under the tree. “You never opened your present.”

“You never opened yours.” I untangle myself from her, and reach over to unhook the small hanging gift from a branch on the tree and hand it to her.

Coloured lights dance in her eyes. She sits on the floor, crossed legged, naked, with Belle nudging her head under her palms for a stroke. I kneel in front of her.

Her fingers trail over my jaw, and she kisses my cheek. “I have a feeling this is going to outdo my shitty present.”

I pick up the big soft gift she left under the tree. “Don’t be so sure. I could do with a cushion.”

Her smile reaches her eyes, making them twinkle just like the lights. “It’s a jumper.”

“Whatever it is, I’ll love it.” I tear open the parcel and sure enough, it’s a black jumper.

“I thought your other one was looking tatty, and I love seeing you in black.”

“Come here, petal.” I lift her chin, bringing her to my lips. She hums against me. My tongue dives between the vibration, tasting the familiar flavour I can’t get enough of. Finishing with a peck, I stroke her cheek, my chest swelling with love for this girl. It takes every muscle in my body to hold back and not ravish her again how I need to.

She shivers despite the glow from the fire. I pull the jumper over her head and pull my jeans on. She still holds the gift, fingering the pretty bow.

“Open it.” I nod to the small box clasped in her hands. “It was your mothers. I thought you should have it.”

She unties the ribbon, then carefully peels the tape away, making sure she doesn’t tear the paper. A small black velvet box sits in her palm. When she opens the box, the ring glistens under the coloured twinkling lights that dance across her face.

“I didn’t know you and Mum were engaged.”

I take in a deep breath. “We weren’t. I came back from a tour with that ring in my pocket. I asked her to marry me. Even got down on one knee. She burst into tears. At first I thought they were happy tears, but she pushed my hand away saying she couldn’t marry me.” My palm runs down my face. I try to block that night out, but it always finds a way into my dreams.

Vi takes hold of my hand, encouraging me to go on with long, soothing strokes of her thumb.

“I begged her to tell me why the sudden change of heart. Eventually, she said she was pregnant. I asked who, and she told me. She was so fragile, trembling, like the very mention of his name brought her to a withering mess. I knew then he’d forced himself on her. I asked her, but her silence was all I needed.”

Vi climbs on my lap, wraps her arms and legs around me like a koala bear. I cling to her like a lifeline. The only thing keeping me grounded as I remember that night when anger consumed me. The growing storm outside that night raged in my head, whirling all rational thoughts away into a tornado of chaos.

My body vibrates, but Vi keeps me pinned beneath her, an anchor in a stormy sea. The floral scent of her hair calms me, causing my breathing to slow.

“You don’t have to go back there. I can guess what happened next.”

“I do have to go back there. You need to know as much as I wanted to hurt him, I never meant to kill him. I’m not a cold-blooded murderer. It was his grin with bloody teeth that did it. Something triggered me, and I was back in hell. I couldn’t stop my hands, Vi. You have to believe me. I never meant to kill him.” My voice cracks.

She hugs me tighter. My body shaking against hers with a strangled sob. “I believe you. It’s in the past. I forgive you. When Lilly told me the truth of it, I forgave you then. I just wish you’d been honest from the start.” Her words bring some release while her lips pepper me with soothing kisses.

“I loved her, Vi. She was the only pure thing I had in my life, and she wasn’t the same person after he took what he wanted from her. I knew something was off in her letters, but I didn’t want to believe it, thinking she was just down because of everything with her nan and I was away.”

“I know you loved her more than anything. Every time you talk about her, I can tell. That’s why I stayed. If anyone could help me get to know my mum, it’s you.”

“I did, but not anymore.” I brush the hair back from Vi’s face and hold her between my palms, gazing into her hazel eyes, swelling with sorrow. “It’s you, Vi. You’re the one thing I care about more than anything in this world.”

My lips press against hers, my tongue slipping through the barrier, licking her from roof to lips with long, sensual strokes.

“I care for you, too, Kane.” A tear falls from her lash when she smiles, forcing another tear to gather and hang like a pearl in the corner of her eye. Belle nuzzles between us like she always does when she senses anyone is upset.

Vi giggles and strokes her black and white fur. “I have to get going. It’s late.”

“Stay. Stay with me. You can go back tomorrow. Just stay the night, and we can discuss you moving back in tomorrow.”

She sighs. “If I stay, are you going to sleep in the bed with me?”

My chest tightens. I want to, but there’s a brick wall preventing me from saying yes, not to mention going through with it. “You can’t ask that of me. You know I can’t.”

“All I’m asking is that you try. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“And what if I hurt you?”

“You would never hurt me.” She kisses my lips again.

I can’t let her walk out that door. The need to keep her with me is stronger than the need to sleep alone. “All right, petal. You get your wish.”

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OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

I shoot a text off to Gareth, telling him I’m staying with a friend. In the bathroom, my toothbrush still sits in the cabinet where I left it. I clean my teeth, then take a quick shower.

With nothing but a towel wrapped around my body, barely meeting, I pad into Kane’s room. The sight of his inked torso sitting up in bed reading Jane Eyre, steals my breath. Butterflies take flight in my stomach and my heart thrums.

I pull back the covers and straddle his naked body. My forehead rests against his, and I quote the words from the book in his hand.

“There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort.”

His knuckles graze my cheek. He lifts the book with his other hand and reads a passage.

“Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear. Your mind is my treasure, and if it were broken, it would be my treasure still.”

“I love it when you read to me.”

“I wanted to read what was so damn special about this book.”

“Do you like it?”

He shrugs. “It’s all right, though I prefer science fiction.”

“I like a good sci-fi, too, ones with big blue aliens preferably.” The joke is lost on him, though I think he’d have a comeback if he knew the books I was talking about.

My lips kiss his bewildered face. Then I take the book, freeing his hands, and place it on the bedside cabinet.

“Do you still have the knife under the bed?”

“No, I put it in your old room. Just in case I have a nightmare, but if I lash out, you grab anything you can and hit me with it.”

“You’re really gonna do this for me.”

He kisses my nose. “I’d do anything for you.”

* * *

Kane murmurs in his sleep, stirring me from rest. His head thrashes from side to side, but his grip around me holds me tight, his fingers digging into the flesh on my arm. Under my ear, his heart beats like he’s running for his life.

My hand smooths over his chest. “Shh, everything’s okay.”

“Vi?” He calls my name, worry etched on his brow.

I run my fingers over the lines on his forehead. “I’m here. Everything’s okay. Shh.”

A sheen of sweat coats his features. His grip loosens a little on my arm, and his head settles on the pillow. I pull my head up to kiss his lips, which relaxes him further.

I peel his arm from me, then slip out of the bed, needing the loo. Belle barks from the kitchen downstairs. I grab my clothes hanging on the back of the bathroom door and pull on my work trousers and t-shirt.

Not wanting to wake Kane, I tiptoe downstairs. “Hey girl. What is it?” She stops her barking and gives me a whine as I stroke her fur. Her water bowl is almost empty, so I walk to the sink to fill it up.

My heart jitters. An icy shiver runs the length of my spine followed by a hunter spider crawling my skin. Jack’s piercing stare penetrates the window. His breath materialising in the dark night. He could be Jack Frost himself.

Belle barks again, snapping me from the frozen spell, and I’m able to move my feet. I walk to the door, unlocking it with fumbling hands. Anger courses through me at his presence here, and worry at the same time.

When I open the door, he’s there with the same icy glare.

Belle scratches at the door to get to him with a growl.

“No. Belle.” I pull on her collar. “Sit.” With my finger pointing towards the floor, she sits at my side like the well-trained dog she is, but continues to bare her teeth at Jack.

I glare at him. “What the fuck are you doing here, Jack?”

“What the fuck are you doing here, Letty?” He grits out, each word materialising in the crisp air.

“You need to go. If he finds you here, he’ll go mad.” My body trembles, both from cold and fear. Jack and his family have been kind to me. I wouldn’t want them to get hurt, and at the same time, I don’t want Kane to do anything he would regret, either. It’s clear he suffers from PTSD after what he told me last night. His actions are out of his control, and this family knows how to provoke him.

Jack snarls. “I’d like to see him fucking try.”

“Please go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I’ve no doubt Kane would win in a fight. But I’m not willing to test that theory.

“You’re staying?” He studies me for a moment, then laughs. “You’re fucking him, aren’t you?”

“Keep your voice down. Just go, please.”

“I’ll go. You’ve made your bed. You can fucking lie in it for all I care.” He stalks off into the darkness. I lock the door and hear a car engine come to life in the distance.

My rapid heartbeat slows as I stroke Belle, telling her she’s a good dog. Padding back upstairs, Kane’s in a deep sleep. I take off my clothes and slip on one of his old t-shirts, then slide back under the duvet with him.

He jerks as the mattress dips.

“It’s just me, Kane. It’s Violet.”

He rolls to the side, reaching for me, his body lathered in sweat. I hold his hand, and he pulls me close. Heat rolls off him in waves, but the closeness of him comforts me, despite the knots forming in my stomach. A hundred questions rage in my head. How did Jack know I was here? Was he sent to look for me? Does Gareth know?

* * *

Between Jack showing up in the middle of the night and Kane’s nightmares, I’ve had little sleep. The dawn awakes, giving the bedroom a warm glow. I rest on my elbow, wiping the damp hair from Kane’s forehead, smoothing out the weary lines etched on his brow.

His lips curl in the corner, tempting me for a kiss. I lean over and press my lips to his. He jolts up, head butting me. I flop on the bed, palming my forehead with a wince.

“Fuck. Violet. Are you all right?” He hovers over me, his hand covering mine on my forehead.

I open one eye, squinting at his tortured face. “I’ll live.” Note to self: don’t kiss him while he’s asleep. “We slept together for an entire night and now this.” A giggle bursts from my lips.

“I’m so sorry, Vi.” He peppers my face with kisses.

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have kissed you while you were asleep, but your lips were so tempting.”

He smothers my mouth, slipping in his tongue, the sensation pulling my mind away from the pain in my temple, giving me a throb between my thighs instead. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes.” I lie, but I blame Jack mainly, though I’m not about to let Kane know he was snooping around last night. “I love waking up with you.” Even if it is ten times through the night with his night terrors. Each time I spoke, my voice calmed him and took away some of the creases on his face. If I can do that for him every night, and bring him some small amount of peace, then I would happily sacrifice my sleep.

“I had a great night’s sleep. The best for a long time. I don’t remember waking at all.”

I stroke the scruff on his jaw. “I’m glad.”

Belle barks from downstairs. I gulp and freeze, hoping there are no more Bennetts lurking in the window.

Kane jumps off the bed. “All right, lass. I’m coming.” He pulls on a pair of jeans. “Want me to bring you a coffee?”

“No, I have to get going. I have to work this morning.”

He pecks my lips before running downstairs. I rush to my old bedroom to look out the window at the front of the house. There are no lurkers and no cars parked on the dirt road. I relax and head to the bathroom to take a shower, contemplating going straight to work or nipping back to the Bennetts first. I’m going to have to go back at some point to get my stuff and tell them I’m moving back here, unless Jack’s already told them. I’m sure it won’t be long before the whole town knows about us.

Half the town still thinks he’s my dad. We’re gonna get some funny looks, that’s for sure. Though I doubt anyone would dare say anything to his face.

My chest tightens when I think of telling Gareth. I’d finally found a family and now I’m throwing it all away for a man who killed my father. Their arch nemesis. I’m like piggy in the middle, not wanting to hurt either side, but I have to go with my heart. And the heart wants what the heart wants.

After showering, I wrap a towel around me and pad into my old room in search of some of my clothes that were left here. I find some clean underwear and put on my uniform from yesterday. I always carry lip and eyeliner in my purse, so I’m able to add a little makeup.

The kitchen smells of coffee and him, with a hint of wet dog. Belle shakes her fur as she bounds in from outside, wetting everything in the process.

“Belle,” Kane growls, chasing her with a towel.

Fresh coffee sits next to the machine in a purple mug that I claimed as mine when living here. I bring it to my lips and lean back against the worktop.

Kane hangs the towel on the back of the chair after drying Belle off. Rain drizzles down the window, dampening the day, mimicking how I feel on the inside with the prospect of work and then going back to the Bennetts.

“Will I see you again tonight?” His warm grey-blue eyes are full of hope.

“I don’t finish work until late. I’m doing a double shift today.”

“Doesn’t matter what time you get here. I’ll have dinner ready for you.”

My shoulders drop and I sag against the unit behind me. “I have to go back. All my stuff is there. But I’ll call tomorrow. I don’t want to piss them off.”

Kane clicks his tongue. “You don’t need to be afraid of them, and you don’t owe them anything.”

“I’m not afraid of them.” I sip my coffee with a gulp. The only thing I’m afraid of is what Kane will do if he sees them around his property.

His fingers curl around the mug, stealing it from me. He places it on the worktop, then cups my cheeks. “Get your stuff, then come home. I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night, I’ll wait up. Just come home.”

I hold his wrists as his palms loosen on my face. My lips press into his. “I’ll see what happens. They’ve been good to me. I don’t want to just be like, ’see ya suckers’.”

Kane chuckles. “All right. Do what you need to do. Call me or text me to let me know what you’re doing, okay?”

“I will. I have to get to work now.” I peck his lips and stroke Belle on my way out.

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OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

“Didn’t expect to see you today,” Gareth says as I walk into the kitchen after work.

My muscles tense, my bones tired from a double shift, and my eyes sleepy. I open the cupboard to get a glass and fill it with water. Last night’s activities dehydrated me.

He stands, stretching his arms above his head as if gearing up for a workout. He knows. The tension in the room is thick. Although there is silence, I’m deafened by the pounding between my ears, telling me to run. Gulping the water, I stand frozen, ready for a lecture.

“You’re just like your mother. She was a fucking slut, too.”

“Leave my mother out of it.” I’m no longer sleepy. My eyes are wide open and now my mouth. “My mother was lonely and you sick fucks took advantage of her.” I’m still confused about my mother’s past, but whatever happened, he won’t believe his brother was a rapist.

“Your mother was a little whore who couldn’t get enough of our dicks. She had both of us at one point and she came back for more.”

I try to block out the vile words spilling from his mouth.

“Why do you think I had a DNA test? You could’ve been anybody’s. Turns out you’re a whore just like her.”

Jack walks into the kitchen, stopping when his eyes lock on to me. His scowl tells me that he was the one who told his father where I stayed last night. “The wanderer returns.” He folds his arms across his chest and stands behind his father. “Your boyfriend’s gonna pay for thinking he can touch our property.”

“I’m not anybody’s property.” I slam the water down on the counter, then wince, wishing I hadn’t. “Kane’s been good to me. I care about him, okay?” I try pleading with them, hoping they can understand things from my point of view, though that will never happen. “Please don’t hurt him. This feud between you needs to stop.”

A loud crack causes my head to whip to the side. The blow from the back of Gareth’s hand leaves a burning sting. I cover my face with my palms, protecting myself from another hit.

“I say when this feud ends. And it doesn’t end until he’s dead. And you can die with him for all I care. You’re no niece of mine.” His other hand knocks the other side of my face, sending me crashing to the floor. My body hits the cold tiles, my head bouncing off the hard surface.

With weak limbs powered by adrenaline and fear, I scramble to my knees. Blood drips onto the cream stone tiles. I wipe my nose with my sleeve, leaving a red trail on the fabric. Copper fills my mouth, and I swallow it down, gagging and choking on a sob. “He’ll come for you for hurting me.” I pull myself up, using a chair as leverage.

Gareth laughs. An evil laugh that makes my skin prickle. “I really hope he does. I’ll be waiting.”

My legs shake beneath me, cornering the table, trying to get away from him and out of this house. Blood congeals in the back of my throat and my face hurts with the pain of a thousand stings.

Gareth grips my arm. I flinch. His touch burning my skin, his breath poisoning my senses, and his words piercing my ears through the pounding in my head. “Where do you think you’re going? On your knees and clean this fucking mess up.”

“Clean it yourself.” I spit a mouthful of blood in his face, which gains me another backhander, knocking me to the floor. This time I was expecting it, and throw my hands out in time before my head cracks against the stone.

“While you’re down there, you can lick my boot clean too.”

“That’s enough.” Jesse’s voice muffles through the siren in my head.

I crawl under the table to escape Gareth’s boot inches from my face.

“What’s with you?” Gareth snarls. “A few months ago, you were bragging about how you were going to use her to get to that son of a bitch.”

My heart plummets into my stomach. I feared that was the case. Jesse has always been kind to me. If it was Jack, I could have believed it of him, but not Jesse. Tears gather in the corner of my eye. Don’t let them see you cry. Crawling further under their large kitchen table, I spit out more blood onto the floor.

Jesse bends at the head of the table, holding his hand out for me. I ignore him, crawling out from under the wood and batting his hand away when he reaches for me.

I see Gareth at the other side of the table and make a run for it past Jack, who makes no attempt to stop me.

“You’d better run, girl. Run back to him. You’ve made your bed, now go lie in it.”

I run out into the cold night. Blood drips onto my clothes. I pull the keys from my pocket and clamber into my mini. With shaky hands, it takes a few attempts to get the key in the lock. I wipe my nose on my sleeve again, but my bloodied nose is the least of my worries.

Blinking away tears doesn’t help the fog clouding my vision. My head rages with the static sound of a hundred radio stations, but one station comes through loud and clear. Lilly’s voice. ‘Don’t let Kane see you hurt. He’ll land himself back in jail.’ She’s right. If he saw me, there’s no telling what he’d do.

It’s almost like they wanted to hurt me, so he’d come for them. Well, their evil plan isn’t going to work. I swerve the car, taking a right towards town. Towards Lilly’s house.

A pop sounds from under the car, then the steering stiffens. Not now, please. “Come on, old girl, don’t fail me now, please.” I tap the dash, but she slows down. I pull onto the curb as she grinds to a halt. She’s giving up.

My hands grip the steering wheel. Yaz is at work. I don’t trust Lucy or Marie. I’ve been here for months and have a pitiful number of friends to count on.

I step out of the car, preparing to walk the rest of the way. My arms wrap around my body, wishing I’d picked up my coat from the hall. The cold January night clings to my skin. Icy fingers run up and down my spine with ghostly whispers on the wind, howling around me and blowing my hair. Right now, the moon is my only friend, guiding my path like a beacon of hope as I walk down the country road towards town.

Traffic is sparse out here at this time of night, but I cower into the hedge with each passing vehicle, hiding from their headlights. Fear that they’ll come for me claws at my back, causing me to walk faster. Coming onto her road, I search each drive for her car. The houses look different under the veil of night.

When I’m sure I see her Audi, I know I’m at the right house and I say a silent prayer when I see her light on. With a deep breath, I knock on the door and wait. My fingers pick at a loose thread on my t-shirt.

The white door opens. Lilly pulls a dressing gown over her chest. Her eyes widen, taking in the sight of me, and a shiver racks her body. “Violet?” She drags me inside. “What on earth happened? Have you been in an accident?”

She closes the door behind her, and I’m thankful the blood has stopped running from my nose. The last thing I want to do is ruin her cream carpets.

“Come through into the kitchen.” She sits me at the kitchen table and turns on the big light, then rummages through her cupboards. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

I clear my throat to speak, trying to focus on where to start. Everything playing on repeat in my head, like a bad movie.

“Was anyone else involved? Do I need to call an ambulance?” She pulls out a large first aid box from the back of her cupboard and sets it down on the table.

She thinks I was in a car accident. “Gareth.”

A wrinkle appears between her perfectly shaped eyebrows. It’s the only wrinkle on her beautiful face. The bright kitchen light shines behind her head, giving her a halo. “Is Gareth hurt?” She reaches for her mobile, plugged into a socket on the kitchen worktop.

“He beat me.” I manage to get the words out before a sob racks my lungs. It’s like that one sob was acting like a dam, holding my emotions at bay, and now it’s broken. A wail pours out of me. Warm tears spill onto my frozen cheeks. My numb fingers wipe them away, but all I do is mix them with the blood staining my hands and cheeks.

When I look up through my blurred eyes, Lilly is on the phone. “She’s been beaten to a pulp.”

I reach for the phone, frantically clawing at it. “Don’t tell Kane. He can’t know. Please.”

Lilly steps away. “It’s Shane.”

I let out a breath and slump back into the chair.

“Violet. Where is Kane?”

“At home. He can’t know. It’s a trap.”

She repeats my words to Shane. “Just come now. You’re gonna need to take photographs of her before I clean her up. She might need the hospital.” There’s a pause. “Bye.” She sets the phone down and holds my hand. “What happened?”

I tell her about the beating. She pours me a drink of neat gin. I lift the glass, shaking the liquid as I bring it to my bruised lips.

“He won’t get away with this. It’s not the first time he’s hit a woman. His ex filed a report a few months back.”

Red and blue lights flash through the curtain. A minute later, Shane walks in dressed in full police uniform. A police woman follows. They sit at the table, and Lilly puts the kettle on.

The woman takes my statement and photographs of my face from various angles, but Shane seems more interested in Kane than Gareth. “When was the last time you heard from him?”

I reach in my pocket and pull out my phone. “He’s texted me.” A smile breaches my swollen cheeks as I read his message from earlier.

Hey, petal. How was your day?

More tears leak from my eyes. This time I think they’re happy tears, despite my really shitty day. Happy that he’s blissfully unaware of my assault and isn’t going to retaliate. He’ll find out eventually, but hopefully when my face doesn’t look like I’ve been run over, and I can play it down.

I swipe my phone down to take off the do not disturb feature I use at work. About ten missed calls from Kane pop up in my notifications. All from the last thirty minutes. The tracking app. He knows I’m here.

Bangs on the door cause my bones to jump out of my skin. Lilly slides her hand up and down my back, but it does nothing to steady my breathing.

Shane stands. “Wait here.” He walks down the hallway. The door clinks open.

“Is she here? Her car’s abandoned on the country road. I can’t get in touch with her.” Kane’s rough, broken voice travels down the hall.

“Kane. You need to calm down. She’s safe.”

He bursts into the kitchen. Eyes locking on to me. “Fucking hell.” He drops to his knees so we’re face to face. His hands hover over me, trembling, afraid to touch me. Tears fall onto my cheeks as I watch the silver drain from his eyes, leaving only a shadow of him.

He’s withdrawing, sinking into the darkness. His hand balls into a fist right in front of my face. A rumble bites through his bared teeth. “I’m going to kill them. I’m going to kill them all.”

Shane places his hand on Kane’s shoulder. “Kane. Calm the fuck down. We’re going to deal with this in the proper manner.”

Kane shrugs his friend’s hand away, standing to his feet as he turns into a raging bull. He misses Shane’s head and punches the wall. His fist going straight through Lilly’s pretty wallpaper.

She screams. Covering the sound with her hands. The police woman is up and on her radio, but Shane tells her to back off.

“Kane. Breathe with me.” Shane takes a deep breath, and Kane does the same. He places his hand on his shoulder. “One.” Another deep breath. “Two.” He faces the wall, unable to look at me. I want to go to him, but fear of triggering him again keeps me pinned in my seat. “Three.” His fist is bloody. It’s a good thing Lilly’s a nurse. “Four.” A trickle of sweat runs along his temple. It’s taking every ounce of strength for him to calm down. “Five.”

Kane shrugs the hand from his shoulder. “I’m all right.” He inhales and exhales through pursed lips. His body still vibrates with tense muscles.

“She needs you, man. She needs you now more than ever. They’ll get what’s coming to them.”

“You think a six-month prison sentence is justice for this? That’s if he even got sentenced. And if he did, he’d be out in three.” He winces, bending his fingers back and forth.

“I agree. It’s nowhere near what he deserves. But I’m not letting you get yourself locked up again.”

I stand with weak knees. My hand slides over his back. His muscles flinch under my touch. I slip between him and the wall where his palm rests. “I’m okay. It looks worse than it is.”

He gazes into my eyes with tears in his own. “Nothing about this is okay, petal. I should’ve never let you go back there.” His lips brush my forehead with the softest of touches.

“Will you two both sit your asses down so I can see to your injuries?” Lilly stands with a bandage in hand and a stern look on her face, playing matron.

Shane tells the police woman to file the report. They will have another officer bring Gareth into the station.

Lilly reaches for Kane’s bloodied knuckles. He pulls away, pointing at me. “I’m okay. Take care of Vi.” But his eyelid flickers every time he flexes his fingers.

“It could be broken,” Shane says.

“It was only drywall. It’s fine.”

Lilly sets out her first aid kit and wipes the blood from my face with a wet flannel. “If it’s not broken. I’ll break it myself,” she says with a tight lip.

“I’ll fix your wall. I’m sorry.”

“You can re-wallpaper, too.”

Shane nods to Kane, offering him a cigarette. “Come out back for a minute.” They both walk through the house towards the back door, out of sight. Shane knows all about Kane’s triggers. He’s trying to distract him.

I wince each time Lilly wipes my face. Though she’s gentle, it just hurts where my skin stretches over the hard lumps. My lip is all bust, making it hard to smile, and my cheekbone has swelled like a hard-boiled egg. My nose is tender, but I don’t think it’s broken.

“Well, the good news is that I don’t think you need stitches.”

“What’s the bad news?”

“The bad news is that you’re going to have to talk Kane down from committing murder every day for the next ten years.” She gives me a warm smile and inspects my lip again.

“I look like a platypus, don’t I?”

She laughs. “Just a little. Platypuss are cute though.”

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

The nicotine does nothing to stop my vibrating muscles. I lean back against Lilly’s brick wall and rest my head against it. Icy night air numbs the prickling in my muscles, and the adrenaline coursing through my veins slows with the winter chill.

I know why Shane brought me out here. He knows the blood on her face triggers me, bringing me back to that day in Iran. I couldn’t save the civilians, just like I couldn’t protect Ali, and now Vi.

Shane has a long pull on the stick, crowding me as I eye the back gate.

“I can’t believe they hurt her. I let her go back there, thinking they wouldn’t hurt one of their own. It’s my fucking fault she’s in there, battered and bruised.” My fist clenches. Pain shoots up my arm as I strain to stop myself, ploughing it into the brick, desperate to hit something and unleash this anger raging inside my head. I bring the cigarette to my lips, taking a drag through the pinched filter between my fingertips and let the smoke engulf me.

“You know this is a setup.” Shane rests his palm on the brick behind me, almost caging me in, knowing I’m about to bolt through the gate at any minute.

“They’re probably there now with their hunting rifles, just waiting for you to step on their land.” Shane flicks the nub of his cigarette on the ground. “Don’t give them the satisfaction. It’s what they’re waiting for. They’ve been patient and think they have you. Don’t play into their hand, man.”

I know he’s right, but my body won’t listen to my head.

“Don’t let history repeat itself.” Shane stares at me, a stern look on his face with flared nostrils. “She needs you now. Take her home and look after her. You might not have been there to protect her, but you can take care of her now. When she needs you most.”

I drop the nub and stub it out with my boot. Shane has a way of calming me down from any situation. I can see Gareth’s smirking face on his porch with a rifle in his hands, telling me I’d better run. He likes to hunt, and I’ll be damned if I hand myself over to him on a platter. If he wants to kill me, he’s gonna have to hunt me down first, but he won’t do that. He’s had years to hunt me, but he’s too much of a coward to step foot on my land.

He may have the rifles, but I can kill that motherfucker with my bare hands, just like I did his brother, and he knows it too. I walk back into the house, letting out a long breath and running my hand over my weary face. Vi looks better now the blood is gone, but her beautiful face still looks swollen with the beginnings of bruises marring her complexion.

I scrape the chair next to her along the floor and sit down, holding her hands. “I’m sorry, Vi. I’m so fucking sorry.” My hand trembles as I move it inches over her face, afraid to touch her in case it hurts. “They’re never gonna hurt you again. I promise.”

“Will you take me home, Kane?” Her glassy eyes gaze into mine, almost pleading with me.

“Of course I will.” I glance at Lilly by the sink, washing her hands. “Is she okay?”

“The blood was from a nosebleed. It’s not broken, and she doesn’t need stitches. Just rest, and she’ll be fine.” Lilly takes two steps towards me and lifts my hand from the table, examining the knuckles that went through her drywall. “You’ll live too. Just get some ice on that when you get home.”

I nod my head, then look back at Vi. “You want to go home now, petal?”

She lifts her phone from the table with a shaky hand. “My car broke down. It’s up on the country lane.”

“I’ll sort your car out. We’ll tow it back tomorrow. Let’s just get you home. We can sort everything else out in the morning.” Shane’s radio crackles, and he answers it, turning his back to me, then grabs his keys.

“What’s going on?”

“Gareth isn’t home. I’ll follow you back to yours.” Shane leads the way, with Lilly’s car keys in his hand.

“I’ll come too,” Lilly says.

“It’s okay, Lilly. Stay here.”

She takes her dressing gown off and throws on a coat over her flannel pyjamas. “I’m coming.”

If Shane knows what’s good for him, he won’t argue with her. He won’t win. The only reason they want to come is to make sure I go home and not take a detour to the Bennett house on the way. Which I’m really fucking tempted to do, but not with Vi in the car. She won’t be stepping anywhere near that house ever again. Shane can get her stuff. Or I’ll buy her new. Whatever she needs.

I help Vi into the Ranger, her body still trembling. It doesn’t help that she doesn’t have a coat. I pull Belle’s blanket from the back seat and wrap it around her shoulders. Her lip shivers with the cold, and I lean over the centre console and gently press my lips to hers, hoping I can warm her up a little and reassuring her she’s safe now with me. I won’t let anything happen to her ever again. Hell, she’ll be lucky if I ever let her out of my sight again.

Shane and Lilly stay close as I make my way home. I glance over at Vi wrapped in a blanket. My fingers itch to hold her hand, but I settle with resting my palm on her trembling knee. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She gulps. “No.” Fear emanates from her eyes and her trembling voice. What the fuck did they do to her? “I don’t want to upset you again.”

“Upset me?” My fist grips the steering wheel as I take a left. Every muscle in my body screams at me to turn right to their house. “Vi, I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I won’t lose control again. I want you to talk to me if you need to.”

“I just want to go home, take a bath, and forget about it.” Her hand covers mine where it rests on her knee. She interlaces our fingers, causing the tension in my arm to dissipate. My shoulders relax at her caress and suddenly the cab feels warmer.

“All right, petal. Whatever you want.”

Smoke billows in the distance. It isn’t bonfire season. Driving up the dirt road, past the fields on either side, flames dance against a backdrop of stars.

Vi leans forward in her seat, letting the blanket drop behind her. She lets go of my hand, planting both palms on the dash. “Is that the farmhouse?”

My chest tightens. “It can’t be. Can it?” Fuck. I push my foot down on the accelerator, forcing Vi back in her seat. I floor the Ranger, racing down the dirt road. The closer we get to the house, the fiercer the flames become.

Passing a Land Rover Discovery has my insides raging like the fire before me. My knuckles turn white along with my face as the blood drains from my head, making it difficult to stay in control.

Vi covers her mouth with her hands. “Belle,” she screeches, panic stricken all over her face as she taps 999 into her phone. I shift into fifth gear, tearing up the dirt, then slam the brakes on when I reach the gravel drive. The car spins to a stop. With the handbrake pulled up, I jump out, running straight for the front door.

Shane stops Lilly’s Audi behind the Ranger and runs after me. “Kane, no.”

“Belle’s in there.” As I get close to the house, her barks are music to my ears. The front door is ajar, but she comes running from the side of the house covered in soot.

With my hand on my pounding heart, I relax my shoulders. Thank fuck she’s alive. “You gave us a scare, girl.”

She barks, running circles around me like she’s trying to tell me something, then bounds into the house, pushing the wooden door wide open with her nose.

“Belle. Here, girl.” I follow her through the thick smoke. The atmosphere inside is scorching against the freezing air. It’s impossible to see much in the hall as the black fog billows around me, but I follow her barks into the kitchen. “Belle? Here, girl.”

The fire seems to come from the living room and up the stairs. Belle barks at the kitchen. I cover my nose with my hoodie, but the thick air still makes me cough. Pieces of the ceiling drop onto the kitchen table where Belle is underneath, dragging what looks to be an arm.

I follow the arm to his face as he lies on the floor unconscious next to the table and half the ceiling. Shane appears behind me. “Belle, come on, girl.”

She whines as he lifts her into his arms and takes her out while I knock the chair out of the way and haul Jack over my shoulder. He’s almost as big as me, but adrenaline helps me lift him in one swoop. His head drips with blood, but that’s the least of his worries. I can’t tell if the kid’s breathing or not.

Stepping outside, I gasp for air and cough, my lungs trying to clear the smoke. I carry Jack to the Ranger. Vi screams and Lilly rushes over from where she was comforting Vi. I lay him on the floor, checking for a pulse while Shane tears strips off the blanket for his head.

“Call an ambulance, Vi.” I look up, and she’s already on the phone.

“Get your fucking hands off my boy.” Gareth appears from the bushes, my body stiffens. He lunges, but I turn, my fist landing in his stomach.

“You did this to your boy. You sick, twisted fuck.” I land another blow to his jaw, knocking him back a step. Cold eyes stare back at me, mirroring my own dark gaze as I throw another punch at his face.

Blood splatters from his nose. “You’re the murdering son of a bitch.” He lunges for me again, but misses when I step to the side.

“When is this going to end?” My knuckles ache as I make another fist.

“Kane, no,” Vi chokes out, along with a sob.

With my trembling hand, I hold back my rage, trying to get my shit under control for her. Blood trickles down his chin. I’m not that guy anymore. Years of therapy in the slammer helped me get my anger under control. I already made one mistake killing her father. If I were to kill her uncle—as much as I’d like to lay this bastard to rest—she’d never forgive me. I’d never forgive myself.

Shane steps between us, grappling with Gareth’s arms and wrestling him to the floor. “You’re under arrest. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something that you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

“You’re as bad as he is. You coppers are all the same. A bunch of bent bastards.” He wriggles under Shane’s hold and I resist the urge to plant my boot in his face.

Shane straddles him from behind, pushing his face into the gravel. With one hand, he takes the cuffs from his belt and fastens Gareth’s hands behind his back. “You motherfucker. You’d risk your own kid’s life for the sake of revenge?”

Gareth spits blood from his mouth, still laid on the ground. “I thought he was out. He must have gone back in to get your dumb fucking dog. If you’ve hurt him, you’ll be fucking sorry.”

Shane tightens his arms behind his back. “Shut the fuck up. He saved your fucking son. You should be thanking him.”

Lilly nestles on the floor next to Jack while Violet ties the shreds of blanket around his head, applying pressure to slow the bleeding.

“Stay with me, Jack. Just keep breathing. The ambulance is on its way.” Lilly’s voice is soothing against the roaring flames behind me. A siren signals down the dirt road, flashing blue lights get closer. I jump in the Ranger to move it out of the way for the fire engine, then move Lilly’s car to the side. The ambulance follows and then the police.

Belle coughs like she’s about to be sick. I lift her in my arms and get her into the Ford Ranger. “There, there, girl.” I stroke her fur covered in soot and the smell of burnt wood. The workshop is untouched, though the garage is joined on to the house with Dad’s old Jag on bricks. I watch the firemen get to work, but I doubt the house can be saved.

With a hand on Belle in the truck, I glance over at Vi. I have everything I could ever want right here. There was nothing in that house I needed besides a few photos and letters. This is what I need to move on. Leave the memories in the past and start afresh, rising from the ashes a new man, leaving the guilt and everything behind me.

The paramedics take over from Lilly. Violet wanders towards me, almost in a trance. Her body shivers despite warmth coming from the house. Her hands slip around my waist, and she hugs me, burying her face in the fabric of my hoodie. “I’m sorry, Kane.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I hold her in my arms. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I feel like it is. If I’d never showed up here, none of this would have happened.”

I lift her chin. “If you’d never showed up here, I’d still be alone and miserable.” It crosses my mind that I probably still am alone and miserable if she leaves. I don’t see how she can stay now. They’ll never leave her alone. She’s gonna be dragged into this feud between us. He’ll never forgive me for his brother. Even if I did save his son, he won’t stop until I’m six feet under. It’s not fair to Vi to be dragged into this.

The paramedics lift Jack into the ambulance. He must have fallen or got a bang on the head, unless Belle attacked him. Border Collies are loyal dogs, but they don’t take too kindly to strangers, especially one’s breaking and entering. Poor kid, another victim wrapped up in all this mess from the past.

Shane shoves Gareth into a police car. His colleagues take a statement from him and Lilly. I hold Vi close, kissing the top of her head and running my knuckles up and down her spine. She looks exhausted. I kept her up most of last night, and she’s done a double shift today. The smell of fire and ash lingers in her hair. It’s like bonfire night without the burgers and toffee apples.

“You all right, man?” Shane stands behind Vi and places a hand on my shoulder.

I take in a deep breath and sigh, glancing at Vi in my arms. “I will be.”

“Kane, come back to the house, get some sleep. We can salvage what’s left in the morning.” Lilly places her hand over Shane’s on my shoulder. “Don’t stay here watching this.”

“I’m gonna go to the lake house. I’ll take Vi. She’ll be safe there while I sort everything out.”

Vi lifts her head. “The lake house?”

“Yeah, it’s a house I bought when I came out…when I was released. Jump in the truck. We’re going home.”

She gives Lilly a hug before walking around the front to the passenger side. Lilly throws her arms around me. “You can stay at my place or Shane’s for the night. It’s not a problem. Your lake house is a building site. Or call Dom. He’ll put you up in his hunting lodge”

“Thanks, but she’ll be safer away from here.” The last thing I want is to rope anyone else into this feud as well. I already made a hole in her kitchen wall. I don’t want their houses burning because of me.

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OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

I wait in the Ranger where Kane parked it away from the house. The fire’s dying out now, but it doesn’t look any less devastating. I called Jesse about Jack so he can go to the hospital to be with his brother. He was at home unaware of their plans, or so he said.

Shane and Kane talk to a fireman, then Shane gets in Lilly’s car. Kane taps the bonnet before they drive down the dirt road. I stroke Belle on the back seat, my body twisted through the gap between the front seats. Her eyes are heavy, but her breathing seems better. “Good dog. You get some sleep now.”

Moisture pools in the corner of my eyes. She’s an old girl. She doesn’t deserve to be going through this. Lilly said she’ll be okay but to keep an eye on her. The fact that the kitchen wasn’t on fire at the time, and she was still barking when we got here, is a good sign.

Kane strides towards the truck, looking worn out, like he’s aged another five years today. My foster parents always said I turned them grey. Perhaps they were right. I’m more trouble than I’m worth.

“How’s she doing?” Kane slides into the truck beside me.

“She’s just tired. We all are.” A yawn takes over my mouth, the stretch pulling at my bust lip, making me wince. I cover my face with my palm so Kane doesn’t see. He has enough to worry about without my bust face being one of them. “How are you?”

He starts the engine and backs up, swinging around the fire engine that’s still blasting water at the house. We turn onto the dirt road. Flames shrink in the rear-view mirror. Kane doesn’t look back. “I realised something tonight.” He turns onto the main country road. “I have all I need right here.” Kane takes hold of my hand, bringing my knuckles to his lips. “As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters to me.”

“But your family photographs and…” I lower my head. “Mum’s letters.”

“I have some photos at the lake house.” His voice wobbles. “And I read those letters a hundred times. It’s time to move on.” He clears his throat.

I still can’t help but think this is all my fault. In the back, a soft doggy snore comes from Belle. “We should have Belle in bed with us tonight.”

Kane glances my way. A look of surprise on his face. But I’m not sure if it’s mentioning Belle sleeping with us, or that I assumed we were both sleeping in the same bed.

I squeeze his hand in mine. “I thought… after last night we would—”

“Yeah. I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

The car turns onto another country road. Headlights and the crescent moon light the way. The scent of burnt wood and melted plastic still irritates my nose. I can’t work out if they thought Kane would be home. At some point, I'll have to face them and get my stuff. But that's not tonight.

One saving grace is I still have Mum’s notebooks intact in my room at Gareth’s place. Shane said he’ll collect my things. “How far is the lake house?”

“Not far. Another thirty minutes or so.”

I yawn again, unable to control it. Too tired to care about the pain in my face.

“Go to sleep.” He kisses my knuckles again, and I relax into the chair with my body sideways facing him. I close my eyes, trying to clear the racing thoughts from today. I may not have been sure who my enemy was and who my allies were, but one thing I know is Kane would never hurt me physically. Spanking aside.

A small smile quirks my lip. I pull it back in before I stretch the cut again. Memories of that night with the belt pop into my head. I think that was more of a lesson for him than for me. I’ve no doubt he felt guilty afterwards.

My vibrator is most likely fried to a crisp, too. Although, who needs a vibrator when I have the real thing? I open my eyes to take one last look at him before I let sleep take me. He’s still the hottest man I know, even with the tiredness of the day marring his features. I love him and wouldn’t have him any other way.

* * *

I wake up in Kane’s arms as he lifts me out of the truck. “We’re here.”

My head turns, taking in the old house on one side and a lake on the other. A wooden pier juts out over the water and the grass surrounding the property is overgrown and wild. “I can walk.”

He lowers me down. My feet hit the step at the front of the house. He pushes a key into the old wooden door, then creaks it open.

“It’s like something from an old horror movie.”

Kane chuckles and it’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh in a long time. “It’s an old rickety house, but I fell in love with the place. It has a lot of potential. Plus, it came with a boat.” He points to a boat tethered to the pier, looking even worse than the house.

“I’d sooner take my chances on a raft than sail in that.”

“Come on.” He flicks a light switch on, then walks back to the truck to get Belle.

I wander through the stark kitchen. Oak units line one wall, but the work surface is missing as if he’s halfway through renovations. It’s very minimal. Nothing like the rustic, homely farmhouse. This is all Kane. No frills kind of minimalism. Very much like his bedroom at the farmhouse.

The living room is much the same; minimal, with nothing on the walls. A large open fire looks like it was original to the house. I run my hands over my arms. The inside is just as cold as the outside.

“I’ll get a fire going in a minute. The central heating may take a while to warm the house. I’ve not been here since last summer.”

“Did you live here?”

“I was living here until Dad became sick. It made sense to move back in with him. I wanted to sell the farmhouse after he passed away, but there were no buyers. Ended up living there, trying to do the place up, but there was always something that needed fixing. I’d do one thing, then something else would break, like a leaky roof or the electrics.” Kane throws some logs on the fire and lights it. “Gareth has probably done me a favour. That place is worth more on the insurance than it was in bricks and mortar.”

He grabs a blanket from a wooden box in the room and wraps it around my shoulders. Belle lifts her head from an old sofa where Kane set her down.

I stroke her fur. “Will she be all right?”

“Lilly said she’ll be fine. But I’ll take her to the vets as soon as they open and get her checked out.” He disappears and comes back with a bowl of water, holding it for her while she laps it up.

Kane sits next to Belle on the sofa. He reaches for my hand and tugs, gesturing for me to sit on his knee. I sit sideways, leaning my head in the crook of his neck. He holds me close, as if he’s cradling a child.

His lips gently press against my forehead. “I’ll never let them hurt you again, baby girl.” His palm strokes up and down my back.

I close my eyes in Kane’s arms, feeling safe and secure despite everything that’s happened.

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OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

Kane’s been busy this last week making sure I’m comfortable; working day and night to fix the place up to make it liveable. He doesn’t realise I don’t care if the house is a mess, with only half a kitchen and one working toilet. As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters to me.

Belle barks outside, running around his feet and back to being her usual self. Kane took her to the vets last week. They gave her a steroid injection to help with her cough.

I stare out the living room window at him sawing some timber. His dark hair hangs damp with sweat in front of his forehead and he brushes it back with his tattooed arm. Our eyes lock, making him smile when he realises I’m watching him. Despite all our upheaval, he still has a smile for me.

The firemen weren’t able to salvage much of the house. But the workshop and garage are still standing. Kane’s been going back and forth, bringing things here bit by bit. Including my mini after he fitted a new alternator.

I continue clearing out the rubbish from the house, building rubble mainly. Kane wants to decorate and get a proper wooden floor down over the floorboards next week.

I carry a bag of rubbish out to his pickup, ready to go to the tip. I can’t help but gaze at him one more time, causing another smile to spread across his face.

He places the saw on the bench and strides over. Belle circles the two of us. Kane pecks my lips. “You checking me out, huh?”

“Always.”

He casts an eye in the bag of rubbish. “Did you put this in here?” He lifts out a roll of printed vinyl.

I know what it is, but play dumb.

“This isn’t rubbish. This is a cutout vinyl decal for the side of the boat. I had it made last year and never got around to fixing it.” He unravels the vinyl to reveal the name Alison in a script font in a golden sunshine yellow.

Bile rises in my throat. I hate that he’s still in love with her. She doesn’t deserve his love. How can I tell him that if he puts this decal on his boat, it’s going to taint any boat trip he wants to take me on?

“What’s that face for?” He lifts my chin, then pecks my lips again, as if reassuring me I’m still his number one girl. It doesn’t feel like it sometimes. It’s like I’m still competing for his affection. Will I ever live up to the memory of his angel?

“I thought you might want to get a different decal made now.” My lip twitches in the corner, and he swipes his thumb gently along my mouth. “She doesn’t deserve to have her name written on the side of a boat, that’s all.” I fold my arms over my chest in a huff.

He chuckles as though this is funny. “Do you want me to wipe that bratty pout from your face?”

I roll my eyes. “I’m serious. If you loved me, you wouldn’t do it, Kane. I thought this was going to be our place. A new start for us. I won’t live in her shadow.”

He tosses the decal into the back of the truck with the rest of the rubbish, then cups my face. “All right. I’ll pick a different name for the boat.”

I glance over Kane’s shoulder at the old day boat moored next to the pier. “Maybe you could paint the words ‘good luck’ on the side. I think you’ll need it.”

Kane glances at the boat, then takes a roll-up from behind his ear. “You’re probably right. She hasn’t had a run out for over a year.” He lights up and offers me a pull.

I decline and kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For understanding how I feel.”

“I hope you understand that it’s you I care about, and I want you to treat this like your home. This is a fresh start for the both of us. No more secrets. So if you’re not comfortable with something, I want you to tell me.” He inhales on the roll-up, then lets out a plume of smoke. “I gotta get back to work.” He pecks my mouth before holding the ciggy between his lips and picking up the saw.

I walk back into the house a little lighter than I was before, knowing Kane has my best interests at heart, and I won’t have to see my mother’s name written on the side of the boat every time I look out the window.

* * *

“Anyone home?” Shane shouts from downstairs.

I run down the steps, knowing he was collecting more of my stuff from Jesse’s house today. “Hey, I’m here.”

He slides the cardboard box onto the wooden worktop in the kitchen that Kane installed yesterday. “I got your stuff. He said that’s the last of it.” Shane points to a black bin bag on the floor. “If there’s anything else missing you let me know.”

“Thanks, Shane.”

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heel while scanning the room. “He’s got this place looking half decent. Last time I was here, there was no plaster on the walls.”

Kane appears in the kitchen. “Perfect timing. I just picked up an oven. You can give me a hand.” He pats Shane on the back and the two of them disappear to the truck.

Mum’s pink journal sits on top of the box. I slide it between more books before Kane sees it. I should throw it away, but I just can’t bring myself to. It’s the only truth I have of my mother. In her own words, and not some version of her Kane or Gareth constructed.

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

After fitting the oven in the kitchen and wiring up the electrics, I lift the heavy box from the worktop and take it upstairs. Vi’s in the bedroom folding her clothes.

“Hey, petal. Where do you want the rest of your things?”

“You can just put that box in the spare room for now. I’ll sort it tomorrow.” She folds the last item of clothing and places it in the wardrobe, then reaches up on her tiptoes to peck my lips. “Is the oven working now? I’ll put some dinner on.”

“It’s all sorted.” I balance the box on my knee while I get a better grip, then carry it to the spare room that’s become a bit of a dumping ground while we get everything sorted.

As I bend to place it on the floor the box tilts, causing a few of the books to slip from the top.

I lift one of Ali’s notebooks out of the box. It’s filled with a multitude of coloured post-it notes. A smile creeps onto my face, and I sit on the chair and open up on a random page with a pink post-it note. A warmth spreads through my chest as I run my fingers over her handwriting. I’m grateful to still have something that belonged to her.

It occurs to me I’ve never read this notebook. No doubt one of her stories. Vi said she was working on her mum’s stories as she wanted to publish at least one in her memory.

I called her Violet after him. For him, though, nobody will ever know she’s his, or that I loved him. I’m pathetic, still loving him after he rejected me. Rejected us. But when I close my eyes, it’s his face I still see. Violet is the colour of his eyes when he makes love to me under the moonlight. It’s the flowers he picks for me at our secret spot by the lake. It’s the bed of flowers he laid me on for our first time in the woods. With him, I felt alive, as though I’d been set free, and I could be anybody I wanted. Even if it was just for an hour until he’d had his way with me. Violet is the colour I see when I think of him and our afternoon delights.

I’m no angel, not like Kane saw me. With him, he only saw the good in me, what he wanted to see. Even when I told him I was pregnant, his first thought was that I’d been forced. How could I tell him his perfect angel had been unfaithful when he knelt down on one knee? Letting him believe the lie seemed like the perfect answer to solve all my problems.

Nobody wants to be a single parent. I was still only eighteen. That glistening rock was like a beacon of hope shining a light in my crappy life. It was pure selfishness to let him believe what he wanted to believe. After I told Gavin I was carrying his child, he told me to get rid of it, and he distanced himself from me. I’d never felt so alone.

Who wouldn’t want to say yes to a man who worships the ground I walk on? The only problem was, he’d been away for months. He would know the baby wasn’t his. I sometimes wonder how far I would have gone. If I was just a month along, I could have kept my mouth shut and he would have believed the baby was his. Nobody would have died and nobody would have been hurt. Except me.

But I was three months along. I had to refuse his engagement and tell him I was pregnant. To my surprise, he didn’t blame me. He blamed him. I let him believe it. I let him drive to the lake where he worked, and I let Kane beat him to a pulp because I wanted to hurt Gavin. He deserved to hurt like I was. The rejection, the loneliness I’d felt for the past months. I wanted him to know what he’d put me through.

When I arrived not far behind Kane. I was there to witness his bloodied teeth and his smirk when he said I couldn’t get enough of him. Kane was gone. In his place, something I’d never seen before. Gavin fell to the floor, his head bouncing off the concrete, then nothing.

Kane shouted to get up, but he was stone dead. A piercing scream filled my ears. It was minutes later I realised it was myself screaming. Kane looked down at his bloodied hands as if he was looking at someone else’s trembling limbs, not recognising who he was or what he’d done.

Our eyes locked for a second. He needed me. I knew he needed me right then. But I needed Gavin, the father of my baby. The man I loved. He didn’t deserve to die. I wanted him hurt, but not dead. I was still hopeful he would come round. I hoped when the baby was born he’d want to see it. We could rekindle what we had at some point in the future.

Kane was remorseful. He never meant to kill him. It was all one big mess. The only consolation Kane had was knowing there was one less rapist in the world. How could I tell him the truth, that he killed an innocent man, and it was all my fault because I felt abandoned?

I’m no angel. I’m weak. A coward. I can never tell him the truth. He can never know. After everything, he still wanted me. Still wanted to take care of me and the baby. I will let him continue to believe in his angel and hope that if he ever finds the truth after I’m gone, he will be able to forgive me.

I did love him, but it was tiring on the pedestal he put me on. He thinks I called her Violet after the pet name he gave me. His shrinking Violet, but with Gavin, I was no wallflower.

The visits to the prison have been less frequent. At first I went out of guilt, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. I can never look him in the eye. What’s worse is that I can’t come clean and confess how sorry I am without making things worse.

Kane seems happy to serve his time, knowing what he did was for love, for me and bringing justice to what I went through. If I tell him the truth, it’s all for nothing. The next ten years will be for nothing and it’s all my fault. He thought he had an angel. He didn’t know while he was away; I fell from the heavens.

Forgive me. God, please forgive me.

Tears leak from my eyes. I hadn’t realised until my vision blurred over the last line. Vi has marked this page. She’s read it. She knows the truth, and she never told me. How could she after she asked me not to keep secrets from her? I swipe my face, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Anger taking over the outburst of emotion.

“Kane?”

I lift my head, slamming the book shut, my chest rising and falling with each ragged breath as my nostrils flare.

Vi walks towards me, snatching the book from my hand. “I told you I’d unpack my things tomorrow.”

“Is that so I don’t read your notebook?”

She smiles. “You don’t want to read anything in here. It’s not that interesting.”

“I’d say your mum’s stories are very interesting, wouldn’t you?” I stand from the chair, my body vibrating, needing an outlet to slam my fist into something.

“What’s got into you? It’s just Mum’s stories.”

“Let me read it then.”

“No, you can’t read this one. It’s private.” She holds the book against her chest, clinging to it like a life raft.

“It’s her book. Why won’t you let me read it?”

“I’ve made some notes in it. I… I was going to turn it into a book,” she stutters. “It’s going to be a surprise.”

Even now, she won’t tell me the truth about what’s in that damn book. “Tell me what’s in the book. I want to read it.”

Her eyebrows pinch, her eyes droop. “Have you read some? What did you read?”

“I read enough. Now give it back. I want to read the rest.”

“You don’t need to know. Kane.”

“Is this what you were talking about the other day? Why do you hate her so much?”

Moisture coats her eyes, and a tear hangs from her lashes until she blinks it away. We’ve been so happy this last week. I knew it wouldn’t last. It never does.

“She didn’t deserve you. She didn’t love you like I do.”

“And you think it’s right to keep secrets from those you love?”

“Kane please. There is nothing in this book that you need to read.” She spins on her heel, then bolts through the door, clutching the book.

I follow her, stomping down the stairs into the living room, where she throws the book onto the open log fire.

“What are you doing?” I dive past her, retrieving the singed diary and patting it down to remove any embers.

“You can’t read it. Please Kane. If you love me at all, please don’t read it. Just burn it. I should have tossed it when I was at Jesse’s.”

“We agreed no more secrets. Why don’t you want me to read this book? You already told me your mother was no angel. I thought you’d be happy so you can prove it to me.”

Tears stream down her face. “Because when you read it, you’ll never look at me the same way. I know part of the reason you love me is because I’m part of her. I couldn’t bear you to look at me…” She sniffles. “Like you are now.”

I can’t go to her. Normally I want to comfort her, but I’m so angry now, I don’t have it in me. It’s not her I’m angry at, but the world. Ali, Gavin. I suppose I’m angry at Vi for keeping this from me. Most of all, I’m angry with myself.

Everything makes sense now why she would never admit the rape. Why she ended her life. But ten fucking years of my life wasted. Not to mention I killed an innocent man. Twenty years of feuds with that family for nothing.

“The way you say my name. You’ll never be able to say it again, when you read why she called me Violet. And I can’t bear it, Kane. Please. Say you still love me. Say my name like you always do, so I know you still want me.”

My mouth won’t move like I want it to. I want to please her, take her in my arms and kiss her mouth, but I’m numb. That familiar numbness of guilt clawing its way up my throat, coating everything in acid. It burns, but I welcome it. Guilt is my old friend. We’ve lived together all these years. I thought Vi could replace him, see him off for good, but he’s back with a vengeance. My stomach churns. A cold sweat swathes my skin and still I can’t move or go to her.

She disappears upstairs. The sound of doors slamming, drawers sliding open and closed only fuel my anger.

I sit on the sofa, opening the notebook on the first page. May as well know the full truth, like ripping off a bandaid. Get it over with in one go. If Vi and I are to survive this, I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. She’ll calm down. I’ll calm down, but I won’t be able to rest till I’ve finished this damn book.

* * *

“Kane.” Vi’s voice trembles as the door to the living room creaks open.

I tear my eyes from the pages in Ali’s diary.

Vi stands in the doorway, her hands rubbing her arms with a shiver. The fire died out a while ago, along with the setting sun. “Are you coming to bed? It’s gone 2am.”

“I need some time to think and clear my head.” I focus back on the pages, Ali’s handwriting blurring with my tired eyes.

Vi turns around and pads back up the stairs with bare feet. I don’t miss the sniffle as she leaves.

I should go to her and reassure her, but I can’t find it in me to comfort her right now. I never thought I deserved her, and this just proves that I don’t. All these years, I’ve lived with my actions, knowing there was one less rapist in the world, but Ali’s confession changes everything.

I really am a monster.

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VIOLET

I iron my work uniform while Kane sleeps on the sofa. The longer he sleeps, the more I can believe last night was a bad dream. That when he wakes, he won’t remember any of Mum’s diary and we’ll go back to how we were yesterday before he picked up the notebook.

This is all her fault. I hate her for what she did to him. She had a man who worshipped her but didn't appreciate him. I won’t make the same mistake. I want to hold on to the man I love with everything I have.

Belle nudges his hand as he lies on the sofa. When she doesn’t get any response, she licks his face until he stirs awake. Rolling over, he falls to the floor, then climbs back onto the couch, rubbing his eyes.

I take a cup of coffee into the room. “When did you fall asleep last night?”

He takes the drink from my hand, but won’t look me in the eye. “Late. Don’t remember.”

I sit next to him on the sofa and collect Mum’s diary from the floor. “Can we get rid of this now?”

He snatches it from my hand. “No.”

“You have to let it go, Kane.” I reach for his hand, but he moves it away. “Talk to me. Please.”

“What is there to talk about? How can you even stand to be with me?” He runs a hand over the grey speckles on his chin. His hollow eyes appear deeper as if the life was sucked out of him overnight.

“I know what you’re doing. You’re pushing me away because you don’t think you deserve me.”

“I don’t.”

“I forgive you.” My fingers stroke the lines on his brow and he flinches at my touch. “I forgave you weeks ago. I thought that was obvious.”

“It’s not just your forgiveness I need.” His head hangs low, staring at the floor.

“Look at me, Kane.”

“I can’t. Not right now. Just give me some space. I need some time alone.” He opens the book towards the end, reading her confession again.

A lump grows in my throat, almost cutting off my air supply. There’s no getting through to him. It’s as if he’s reliving the past over and over. There’s no future for us if he continues to live in the past. And I won’t stand by and fuel this guilt trip he’s on.

I leave him to his pity party and slump upstairs to change for work. I wasn’t planning on going back to work as it’s quite a drive from here, but the distance will do us good. Now my car’s fixed, I have no excuse not to go. I can stay with Yaz until I can find my own place.

I’ve always been a runner. Never had anywhere that I wanted to settle down until now and like all things that are too good to be true, this is no exception.

* * *

Kane walks out of the bathroom, his sunken eyes mirror the skull on his torso. The serpent on his chest, wrapped around the dagger and skull, finally makes sense. The snake is the guilt he carries, twisting the knife into his bones.

I stand in the bedroom doorway with my holdall. The same holdall I arrived at the farmhouse with. “I’m going to work and I’m staying with Yaz tonight. Give you some space.”

He runs a hand over his tired face. “You don’t have to do that. This is your home now.”

“My home is with Kane. But I don’t know where he is.” Tears form in the corner of my eyes. I just want my man back, the one I call daddy who takes care of me.

“Everything has changed, Letty. I don’t know where he is either.”

“Don’t call me that. You never call me that.” I head down the stairs before he sees me cry, grab the keys for my mini from my hoodie, and open the front door.

Turning my head, I pause in the doorway, hoping he’ll stop me from leaving. He’s at the bottom of the stairs, but makes no attempt to ask me to stay.

Holding back a sob, I say, “When you find him, you know where I am.” With blurry eyes, I step into the rain, unlock my mini, and throw my holdall on the back seat.

He barely even looked at me. I wipe a tear from my cheek, just as my window wipers swish the raindrops from my windshield. This is what I was afraid of. I knew he wouldn’t see me in the same light, and that’s the only reason I kept her sordid secret.

As much as it pained me every time he thought the sun shone out of her arse, I bit my tongue as much as I could, because I knew part of how he looked at me was seeing her.

If he no longer loves her, how can he still love me? How can he want me while hating her as I do? Every time he looks at me, he’ll see her and the disdain will taste like a bitter pill he must swallow time after time.

My fingers curl around the steering wheel of my mini. The rain patters against the tarmac road. It was all too good to be true. Finally, Kane was accepting the idea of us living together as a couple. He’d even invited Shane and Lilly up at the weekend and asked if I’d make a chilli, one of his favourites.

His rumbling voice speaks my name with want and need, echoing in my head. He couldn’t even look at me when I left, let alone speak my name. I thought he may have tried to stop me. Say he was sorry and carry me back upstairs. I would have given in. The bag packing and drawer slamming were done for effect, but he was too absorbed in the book to notice.

I had no intention of leaving last night, but it was inevitable. My shoulders rock as another sob breaks free from my chest. I’m running out of places to go. Time to stand on my own two feet.

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

I haven’t moved off this damn couch all night. I read Ali’s book twice, once reading Ali’s words, then reading again along with all the notes Vi made, piecing her mum’s life together.

This is a side of Ali I never knew. A side I don’t want to know. It’s a good thing the fire went out last night, or I may have been tempted to toss this book into the logs. I should have let Vi burn it when I had the chance.

Everything has been for nothing. The last twenty years of my miserable fucking life a waste. And here I am reduced to a shadow of myself because without Violet, that’s exactly what I am. I should go to her, but I have no clue what to say. I couldn’t even look at her last night or this morning.

The afternoon sun shines through the living room window. Birds chirp outside with the arrival of spring, and I wonder what they have to be so fucking happy about. Belle nudges my hand with her nose, leaving a wet trail against my palm.

“You want some food, girl?” The only thing able to get me off this sofa is feeding her. I slump into the kitchen. The raw chicken Vi was going to cook last night rests on the worktop on a baking tray, stinking up the kitchen. I toss it in the bin and give Belle fresh water and a scoop of kibble from the bag.

The thought of eating churns my stomach. Instead, I opt for a beer from the fridge and slump back to the sofa, grabbing my stash of the good stuff on the way.

* * *

The last week has been a blur. I don’t even notice the police car pull up in front of the house until Shane’s towering over me, slapping me on the face. “Wake up, man.”

I jerk up. “Is it, Vi? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s up. I just came to see you.” He scans the room, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, then knocks my legs from the sofa so he can sit down. “Want one?”

I slide a smoke from the packet and dig into my jeans for my zippo. “You don’t just come all the way out here in your uniform just to see me.” I flick the lighter and rest my head back against the sofa as I take a long drag. “Something’s up.”

Shane taps the ash into a cup on the floor that I’ve been using as an ashtray. “Where’s Violet?”

“She left last week. Gone to stay with a friend.” Shane should know the truth, but I can’t seem to find the right words. “So, what’s the real reason you’re here?”

Shane sighs, running a hand over his face. “Gareth made bail.”

I sit up straight as my body tenses.

“He’s moved into his cousin’s place in the city until the trial. It was the terms of the bail. He’s not allowed in town. He’s tagged, so you don’t need to worry about you or Vi.”

“What about the son?”

“He’s doing okay. Can you believe Gareth tried to throw Jack under the bus?” Shane shakes his head in disgust.

I take another pull, needing the nicotine in my veins to stop my vibrating limbs. “How so?”

“He said he came to stop Jack from burning down the house, but all the evidence shows he was the one that started the fires. Plus, Jesse backed up Jack and said that Jack went to stop his father. So the kid is off the hook for now. He went into the house when he heard Belle bark and was hit on the head when some of the ceiling collapsed.”

“You know, they were both there with the same intent. It’s just lucky for us Jack had a conscience, or we might never have been able to prove it was them.” Shane stubs out the cigarette in the mug. “I’m free this weekend. I’ll come up and stay over. Together we can make this place liveable. Dan’s back in the country and Dom said he’d stop by this week.”

“He’s already been up a few times last week. Dan lent me some cash until the insurance comes through.”

“When’s Violet back? It’ll be a nice surprise for her. Between the four of us, we can get a lot done this weekend.”

“There’s no rush now. It’s just me. She won’t be coming back.” I slide out another cigarette from Shane's packet on the sofa.

“What happened?”

I hand Shane the notebook. “Open it up where that pink tab is at the back.” He reads Ali’s final apology, explaining everything.

My hand trembles as I bring the filter to my lips. “Turns out, Ali hated me for loving her too much. I smothered her. Made her feel like she had to live up to some perfect version I’d created in my head.”

He slams the book shut. “It’s all in the past. There’s nothing you can do about it now. Is this why you pushed Violet away?”

I shrug. “How can I look her in the eye? I could live with being a monster before. You know more than anyone what it’s like to take a life, but our mission is to protect the weak. Protect the civilians.”

Shane places a hand on mine. “It’s also our mission to stay strong through adversary. You need to make your peace with it and move forward. There’s no point torturing yourself. Let’s face it, Gavin Bennett was a twat. He’d always been a twat, and he probably only went with Ali to get to you because you stole that chick from him in high school.”

“He didn’t deserve to die, though.”

“No, but let’s call a spade a spade. He was no fucking saint.” Shane stands, shoving his cigarettes back in his pocket. “That girl was the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” He waves his hand as though pointing towards town. “So what if Ali didn’t love you like you thought she did? You have a girl that needs you. Now more than ever, and you just let her walk out of your life because you’re on some fucking guilt trip for something that happened twenty years ago.” He shakes his head. “You’ve paid your dues, man. Time to let it go.”

“I know you’re right.” I inhale the last of the nicotine, then stub it out in the mug that’s almost overflowing with ash, just like the farmhouse. Just like my soul. Without Violet, I’m dead inside.

Shane’s radio crackles. He presses the button on the device strapped to his shoulder. “I gotta go, man. Please get your shit together. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, get out of here. I’ll see you at the weekend.” As he leaves, my phone pings. Glancing at the time, she’s right on schedule. Vi’s text me every day since she left.

Heyyy, just checking in. R u ok? xxxx

My thumb hovers over the call button, desperate to hear her voice, but I don’t know what to say to her. I need to sort my shit out. Smoking myself into oblivion, however good it feels, isn’t solving anything.

* * *

I’ve never walked to the other side of the bushes where Gavin Bennett lies, but today my feet seek out his headstone.

The righteous shall go into life eternal

Gavin Bennett

Died age nineteen

A loving son, grandson, uncle, and brother

The quote at the top of the headstone mocks me, as if I will go into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life. I’m already living out my punishment. Have been for twenty years. I kneel, my fist clenched as I make the sign of the cross, silently asking for forgiveness.

A jam jar rests against the headstone filled with soil and waterlogged from the rain recently. My fingers lift the wilting violets hanging over the glass, reminding of my own wilting Violet. The way she looked when she left was a shell of the woman she is. I failed her. In my grief I failed to keep my promise and take care of her, but I haven’t stopped loving her.

I empty the excess water from the jar, hoping to give the flowers a fighting chance, all the time, wondering if my girl’s all right. Her texts have become less frequent. Probably because I rarely text back. Lately, if I’m not busy working on the house, I’m stoned.

Rising to my feet, I hang my head low and silently say a prayer. I’ve never asked for forgiveness for Gavin’s life, always thinking he deserved what he got. I was full of remorse for my actions, but only because the ripple of that night affected everyone around me. His family will never forgive me. But now, as God is my witness, I am really fucking sorry for taking his life.

I make my way to Ali’s grave. The same jar of violets nestles against her headstone. I’m certain now they’re from Vi. She’s been here to visit her parents.

My actions robbed Vi of a loving family. A loving mother, at least. Amongst all my guilt, it’s what hurts the most. The girl I love most in this world is the one that’s suffered.

My fingers trace Ali’s name engraved on the headstone. “I wish things had worked out differently, angel. I keep thinking of our girl, how she deserved to grow up knowing her father and her mother. I’m sorry I took that away from her and you.”

Even after reading Ali’s diary, I can’t bring myself to hate her. I could never hate her. But I’ve learned I’m not entirely to blame. I can’t fix everything. And I can’t change the past. Shane’s right. I need to let it go. I need to focus on the future and the only future I want involves Vi.

I reach into the front pocket of my hoodie for Jane Eyre. This book has brought some comfort lately. Reading Ali’s highlighted passages now I know the truth makes them so much more profound. I read aloud a paragraph I’ve underlined, one I cling to in the hopes that Ali can now rest for eternity.

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs. We are, and must be, one and all, burdened by faults in this world; but the time will soon come when, I trust, we shall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies...I hold another creed, which no one ever taught me, and which I seldom mention, but in which I delight, and to which I cling; for it extends hope to all; it makes Eternity a rest—a mighty home, not a terror and an abyss.”

Life is way too short. If anyone knows that it’s me. Twenty years have gone in the blink of an eye. But I won’t waste the next twenty years. I slip the book back into my hoodie pocket and shift the jar of violets from the shade.

“I made a promise to you long ago that I’d take care of her, regardless of who her biological father was. Loving her would always be easy, because she’s a part of you. But I never imagined I’d fall in love with her. If she’ll let me, I’ll take care of her for the rest of my life.”

All the air leaves my lungs as I exhale. Will she still want me after everything I’ve done? I tilt my head down, saying another silent prayer for forgiveness. With my eyes closed, the sun’s rays warms my forehead. I lift my face to the blinding light, as if Ali is bathing me in her celestial light. A warmth washes over me, taking with it a weight from my shoulders.

My body jerks with each silent sob that wracks through me. I’ve carried this guilt for so long, I don’t know what to do with myself now the weight is lifted.

Staring at the violets in the jar, I desperately need to get my girl.

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OceanofPDF.com

VIOLET

The door chimes as I walk into Jesse’s cafe by the lake. I’ve been meaning to call in and see the boys for a while, but I’ve been looking for a place to stay. Yaz’s parents let me stay with her while I save up some money.

I have the placement for uni, but it doesn’t start until September. I guess it’s my best option, even though I don’t really want to go. Somehow, recent events have zapped all my creativity and the last thing I want to do is write or do a creative writing course.

“Letty, I thought you’d skipped town,” Marie says from behind the counter, wearing her usual scowl.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Marie.” I can’t help smile at her annoyance. I used to think she was just jealous of the attention the boys gave me, but now I think she just really hates me. Whatev’s, the feeling’s mutual. “Is Jesse around?”

Jack appears from the kitchen, the gash on his head looking better and just a faint yellow bruise around the closed wound. “I thought I heard your voice.” He walks around the counter. “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

I shrug. “I’m doing okay.”

“Are you still with him?” He sounds much like Gareth, how he says the word with a bitter taste.

“He saved your life, remember?” My hand lifts a blonde curl from his forehead so I can get a better look at the scar up close. “Or do you have amnesia from your bump on the head?”

“He remembers.” Jesse corners the counter and pats him on the back. “Don’t you, Jack?”

Jack’s lips form a tight line. “Look. Just because the geezer carried me out of a burning building doesn’t mean I have to like him.” His gaze lifts to mine. “But I am grateful that you showed up when you did.”

“You shouldn’t have been there in the first place.” I huff, folding my arms across my chest.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Letty. I only went to try to talk Dad out of doing something stupid. He had the shotguns in the Land Rover. I thought he was gonna kill him.”

“He probably would have if he’d been home. Crazy fuck.” I slide into a booth to take a load off and sigh.

Jesse slides into the seats opposite. “Did you hear Dad’s out on bail?”

I shake my head. My chest tightens. If he finds out where Kane is, he might try to finish the job. We haven’t seen each other since I left, but I cling to the hope that he’ll come back to me when he’s sorted his head out. I’ve texted him everyday just to let him know what I’m doing and that I’m still thinking about him. He rarely responds, but he never was much of a texter.

So far, everyone in my life has abandoned me, but I refuse to believe Kane’s like that. I know deep down he loves me, he just needs to figure out his shit and when he does, I’ll be waiting. Love like ours is worth fighting for, even if my heart is broken right now.

Jack places his hand on my shoulder, almost as if he can sense my anxiety. “Don’t worry. Dad isn’t allowed anywhere near you or your old man. It was the terms of his bail. He has a tag. He’s not even allowed back in town.”

“And we told him that’s the end of it. We’re drawing a line. The past is the past,” Jesse says.

“You really mean that?” I glance between them both, Jesse with his warm blue eyes and Jack with his icy ones. But today, both of them seem cloudy like the sky on a dull day.

“Nobody will hurt you from now on, Letty. I’m sorry for everything before.” Jesse runs a hand through his dirty blonde hair. “Everything Marie said was true. From the minute we found out you were staying at the farmhouse, we planned to use you to get back at him.”

My heart sinks. I knew this deep down. But hearing him admit it makes it all the more real and the hurt stings much worse.

“But that was before we got to know you. I’m sorry, Letty. Please believe me,” Jesse pleads with his sad eyes.

Jack sits in the booth next to me. “We’re both sorry, Letty.” He coughs, clearing his throat as if relieving the events of the fire chokes him up. “Can you forgive us?” His brow pulls together. “You have to believe I’m sorry.”

I swallow the bile threatening to fill my mouth and take a deep breath. “I believe you. What about Kane?”

Jack bristles at the mention of his name. “What about him?”

“Well, it’s clear we’re not gonna be having any family barbecues, but can you at least forgive him?”

Jack sighs. “It’s hard to let go of the anger and bitterness against Kane after it's been drilled into my head my whole life. But he did save my life, so I'll try to come around. Just give me time, Letty.”

Story of my life. Everyone wants time. I suppose time’s a great healer, but it’s been twenty years. How much more time is going to be wasted? All because of my mother’s lies.

Bile rises in my throat each time I think of her. I can forgive Kane. I can forgive Jesse and Jack. Heck, I can even forgive Gareth, but I cannot forgive my mother.

Jesse tenses. “This whole mess has been one big misunderstanding. I told Dad it’s gone on long enough, and I told him the truth of it.”

I huff. “You don’t know the half of it.”

He nods his head. “I do, Letty. I know everything.” His eyes close as he exhales. “I read your mother’s diary when I packed your stuff up.”

I turn to Jack as I rub at the throb in my temple. My cheeks heat at the embarrassment of them knowing my business. “Did you read it too?” It’s one thing reading my mother’s words, but I’d made notes. It was personal with my own thoughts and feelings. “Bet you both had a good laugh, right?” Tears threaten my eyes, but I’ve cried enough these past weeks.

Jesse closes his fist tight around my hand. The boys share a look of understanding. “It’s not like that. We know more than anyone what it’s like to have a shit mother. And let’s be honest, Dad cared more about revenge than he ever did about the two of us.”

Jack places his hand over the top of Jesse’s, where he holds mine. “You’re not alone.”

With the soft tone of Jack’s voice and the way his blue eyes plead full of sorrow, I’m relieved they know my truths. It’s comforting having them share in my struggles.

“You’ll always have a home at ours. Dad’s gonna plead guilty, so he’s gonna be in the clink for the foreseeable future,” Jack says with a wrinkled brow. “I guess the three of us are all each other has left of family.”

“Thanks. But I’m saving to get my own place.”

“I’m sure we can find you some work when the summer season picks up.”

Marie walks by. “Ugh, I’m not working with her.”

Jack rolls his eyes. “She’ll come around.”

I wave my hand in the air. “It’s fine. I might go to uni. I haven’t decided yet.” In truth, I’m still hoping Kane gets in touch. It seems like I’m not the only one who needs to stand on my own two feet around here, but the boys have a home and a business already established. I’m starting from scratch. It’s kind of refreshing having a clean slate. I just wish the clean slate involved Kane.

After the fire, it was the perfect time to rebuild our relationship like a phoenix rising from the ashes. But foundations need to heal before we can rebuild.

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OceanofPDF.com

KANE

My phone pings. The usual sound I long to hear when it tells me she’s on the move. I open the app and watch the dot travel from Yaz’s place to the supermarket. She doesn’t need to work there. She’s too exposed to her past there. I don’t like it. She should be here safe with me. Shane’s right. All Vi’s ever wanted is a family. I can be that for her. I can be everything she needs. I just need to get off this guilt trip I’m on. What happened in the past can’t be changed, but I sure as hell can make sure we both have a future. Together. If she’ll still have me.

Belle whines against my leg, reminding me to carry on with my task and fill up her bowl. “Sorry girl. Here you go.”

I inhale a deep breath, glancing around the place. She hadn’t been here long, but already the place is full of her. The cushions she bought for the sofa and the rug she got for in front of the fire and a new bed for Belle. Her book still sits on the windowsill and her purple hoodie on the back of the sofa. I lift it to my nose and breathe in her scent. I fucking miss her.

Clutching the hoodie in my hand, I grab the keys from the hook and jump in the Ranger. I’ll carry her out of that damn supermarket if I have to. My foot hits the accelerator, flooring it as I speed down the bypass. I can’t get to her fast enough now I’ve made up my mind that she belongs with me. Whatever issues I have, we can deal with them together. We are what each other needs, and I fucking need her like I need oxygen. This life is too much of a struggle without her in it.

She made me want to live again. I couldn’t wait to get out of bed every morning to see her face, smell her hair, and learn more about her. I was even thinking of buying her a fucking PlayStation so she can play that game she likes.

I park up at the supermarket, my stomach weaving a knot so tight that only Vi can unravel it. The automatic doors slide open as I approach the entrance. A floral scent hits me from the square stand full of bouquets. One particular bunch stands out, full of purple and pink flowers. If I’m about to grovel, I may as well go all in.

With the huge bouquet in my grip making me sneeze, I walk up and down each aisle, looking for her violet hair. I pull my phone from my pocket and check the app again to make sure she’s still here. A girl with long jet black hair pulls a pallet of cereal boxes down the aisle and I recognise her moody scowl.

“Do you know where Vi is?”

She stares at me, her eyes shooting balls of fire in my direction as if she can will me away with her glare, but I’m not leaving this place without Vi. I’ll wait all night if I have to.

“I’ve scoured this store. Is she on a break?”

“She doesn’t want to see you. She’s moved on. You should do the same.” Yaz turns away from me, carrying on with her task, lifting the boxes two at a time and positioning them on the shelf.

My chest throbs, a dull ache where her love used to be. It’s only been a few weeks. How can she have moved on so quickly? My shoulders sag, and I drop the flowers to my waist, gripping them at the stem. Have I blown my only chance at happiness? I’m not leaving. She can tell me to go herself, but I’m not leaving until I’ve said my piece.

“Kane?” My name on her lips is like a butterfly’s kiss, coating my skin in a flurry of goosebumps.

The hairs lift on the back of my neck, and I turn around to her bright hair. “Violet.”

Her eyes dance with hope when I say her name. Her mouth parts open as it always did, ready to be claimed. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to take you home.”

She wrings her hands around her work t-shirt and shuffles from foot to foot. “But you read the book.” Her eyebrows pinch, but her eyes widen, filling with emotion.

“I don’t care what it says in that damn book. To me, violet is the colour of your hair. It’s the tattoo I kiss on your stomach, and it’s the colour that blinds me when I come undone, crying out your name.” My breathing comes out fast and rugged, but I have to get it all out. She has to know how much I love her.

I step closer, desperate to hold her in my arms. “It’s a violet sky, a storm of two lovers colliding, becoming one. It’s you and me, I see. Vi, it’s always been you.”

Her cheeks flush pink. She closes the gap between us. “Say my name again. I need to hear you speak my name.”

“Violet.” The word rumbles from deep within. My fist clenches the stem of flowers. Every muscle in my body wants to wrap around her. “I say your name over and over in my dreams. Even when I wake and you’re not there, I still see your violet hair splayed on my pillow. I still smell the aroma of your blueberry pancakes when I walk down the stairs. I feel you everywhere, except in my arms where you belong. Come home, Vi. Come home for good. No more secrets.”

She wraps her hands around my neck. Her face burrows into my t-shirt, inhaling me and I wish I’d taken a shower. “Hmm, my favourite scent, log fires, wood shavings, engine oil, and you. Home.”

I lift her chin. “Does that mean you’ll come back with me?”

“I never wanted to leave.” Tears course down her cheeks, and I scoop them up with my finger.

“I’m sorry, Vi. I’m sorry it took me this long to come and bring you home. I couldn’t understand how you could still want me after reading that damn book, but I never stopped loving you.”

“You still love me?” Her eyes sparkle under the veil of tears.

“I’ve always loved you. Even before you were born, I loved you. But now I don’t just love you, I’m deeply, madly and insanely in love with you. I need you. You’re the missing pieces of my shattered heart and the glue that holds it all together. You’re woven into my soul. My salvation.”

“I love you, Kane. I loved you from when you first took me in. Not because you took care of me, but because of how you made me feel, how you looked at me and how you said my name. I love how you fought your want for me, trying to do what you thought was right. You’re a good man, and I always knew that in my heart. Mum never deserved you.”

“It’s taken me a few weeks to come to terms with everything, and I had to find it in myself to forgive Ali. You should too.”

“How can you forgive what she did?”

I cup her face in my palm, wiping her stained cheeks. “Because she gave me you, petal.” My head dips, meeting her lips. She’s the only thing I want to taste for the rest of the day. The rest of my life, even. I swirl my tongue around hers, licking up every unspoken word as she flicks and circles mine, telling me all I need to know. She still wants me.

Warmth spreads through my body as I deepen our kiss, taking what I need from her and sealing our fate once and for all, for the whole store to see. There will be no question in this town who she belongs to. My hand holds the flowers against her back, while my other caresses the skin on her neck. The feel of her in my arms again has my cock stirring to life. I need more from her. It’s been too long without her in my bed.

She breaks the kiss, pulling away, but I inch forward and bite her lip, not letting her out of my grasp. “Kane, people are watching us.” A hint of a smile plays on her lips as she wriggles from my embrace.

I open my eyes to an audience of shoppers who carry on with their day when I glance around. “Let them look. I want everyone in this town to know who you belong to.”

Her mouth parts as she sucks in a breath, then presses her lips to mine.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“I can’t. My shift doesn’t finish for another hour.”

“Fuck it. I can’t wait an hour. Go get your stuff before I haul you over my shoulder.”

“I’ll lose my job.”

“It doesn’t matter. You won’t be working here again. It’s too far to come from the lake house. If you insist on stacking shelves, you can get a job closer, but you really should focus on your studies.”

She quirks her lips in the corner while trying her best to give me a glare. She knows I’m right. I may come across as a domineering asshole, but I mean well, and I’ll be damned if I stop her from getting an education.

“Hurry up, Vi. My patience is wearing thin, and my cock is growing by the second, thinking of all the things I’m going to do to you.”

“My stuff is in my car.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?”

“Yaz will you cover for me?”

Yaz lets out a sigh. “Sure. I knew he would worm his way back into your pants, eventually.”

Vi whispers to Yaz. “Thank you. I’ll call for my stuff tomorrow. Oh, and it’s bigger than a worm.”

“Ugh, gross. Get out of here.”

Holding back my satisfied grin, I interlace Vi’s fingers with my own as we walk down the aisle. “Is she still shooting daggers at my back?”

Vi giggles. “Yep. She’ll come around. Yaz takes a while to warm up, that’s all.” She reaches her hand out to take the flowers. “I take it these are for me?”

“I haven’t paid for them yet. I just picked them up from the stand when I walked in. Thought they’d make me look good.”

“They are pretty impressive. You can pop them back in the stand. I have everything I want right here.”

What have I ever done to deserve this woman? I’m going to thank my lucky stars and the angels in heaven every day for this precious gift. Not only have I got a second chance at love, but a second chance at life.

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52

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VIOLET

Summer

“I want you to take that position at uni.” Kane’s fingers trail up and down my arm as I lay against his chest. The gentle rock of the boat soothing us both into a lullaby.

“I’m not going. I don’t want to leave this place, ever. Don’t make me.”

His arms wrap tighter around me. “I won’t force you, but I’ll still be here when you’re done. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I can do an open university course. I don’t need to be away from you.”

“It’s not the same. You haven’t lived, Vi.”

“How can you say that? Being with you is the most alive I’ve felt in my whole life.”

“All nineteen years of it.”

“Don’t mock me, old man.”

His chest rocks beneath me with a silent laugh. He takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers. “Are you afraid I’ll forget you, is that it? Meet someone else while you’re gone or change my mind about us?”

“I just miss you. I won’t be able to go months without seeing you.”

“You think I’ll be able to stand that? I’ll be seeing you most weekends. Whatever it takes to make sure you get a proper education. There’s nothing wrong with stacking shelves but in ten years’ time I won’t have you regret us because you didn’t get an education.”

“All right, I’ll accept, but promise me one thing. You won’t push me away thinking you know what’s best and thinking I need to hang out with people my own age.” I’ve never fit in with kids my own age. None of them liked the same things as me. I was always a loser and anime geek. Yaz is the first real friend I’ve had in years.

His fingers twist the ring on my right hand. Mum’s ring that he gave me. “I haven’t seen you wear this for a while.”

Reminders of my mum are not something I welcome, but each day, the truth is easier to bear. I’m not sure what made me put it on this morning, but seeing it in my drawer, it reminded me of Kane’s love more than it did her betrayal, and if Kane can forgive her, maybe I should try too.

Kane wiggles the ring over my knuckle and slips it from my finger.

“What are you doing?”

“This ring isn’t good enough for you.” He throws it into the lake. My eyes widen, watching it skim across the surface before sinking out of sight.

“Why did you do that?”

“I bought that for her. You should have your own.”

My throat closes up. The questions lingering in the back of my mind are unable to be spoken.

“Ali was my past. I don’t see her in my future. It’s you, Vi. Only you.”

A flutter in my chest travels to my stomach. He’s finally letting go. Lilly’s words pop into my head. ‘I’m tired of competing with a ghost.’ He’s giving up the ghost. The old Kane is dead, and he’s embracing his new life and that life is with me. It’s all I’ve wanted since the night I stepped foot into his farmhouse.

“We’ll have to get the courts to change my name on your birth certificate, too. I’ll get things put in place and send off the DNA tests as soon as possible.”

I’d forgotten about my birth certificate. “Why the rush?”

“Because I want our names on a different certificate.” He reaches a hand into his denim pocket beneath me. “I was going to wait until later to do this, but now seems like as good a time as any.”

I can’t breathe. The oxygen in the air seems to have burnt away with the red setting sun. I sit up, turning to face him. He sits up too, gathering the wild strands of hair blowing in the wind and tucking them behind my ear. He holds the small green box up in front of my face with a smile playing in the corner of his mouth.

“Violet.” My name floats on the breeze and caresses my cheek. The scent of him catches in my nose as the boat gently rocks in the water. “I want to make you officially mine. Forever.” He opens the box. The setting sun casts a glittering glow over the amethyst jewels in a flower shape with a sparkling diamond in the middle.

“It’s…” A lump gathers in my throat. “It’s a violet.”

“It took me ages to find one that was right for you.”

“You’ve been planning this for a while?”

“Since the fire. Since I knew I never wanted to lose you again.”

I slide my hand over his chest. The pounding of his heart beneath my palm is faster than usual. “I never want to lose you, either.” My fingertips graze over the scruff of his jaw, and I lean closer, pressing my lips to his.

He takes my ring finger and slips the ring on, pushing it past my knuckle. “So, how about it? How do you like the sound of becoming Violet Harding again?”

A smile spreads across my face. “I’ve always loved that name.”

Kane settles back down against the padded cushions in the boat, pulling me back with him. I snuggle against him, my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling my favourite scent and my palm resting on his chest. The purple jewels shine in the setting sun, and I exhale a dreamy sigh.

I have arrived at my destination. It wasn't the farmhouse or my dad I was journeying towards. It was Kane, as if I'd been searching for him my whole life, someone who will love me unconditionally, someone who will take care of me like a daddy, but also as a husband.

Family doesn’t always mean blood. He is family where I belong. Finally, I’m home.

* * *

Want more Kane and Violet?

Download a bonus epilogue available on my website

https://anniecharme.com/bonus-content/

I hope you all enjoyed Kane and Violet’s story. My next book in the Sinful Secrets Series will be out some time in 2024. I haven’t decided whose story it will be yet so if you have a preference out of Dan and Shane, let me know. In the meantime, if you haven’t read Dom and Poppy’s story, get it here.

Protecting Poppy

* * *

If you enjoyed Taming Violet, below are the links if you wish to review. Thank you again for all your support.

Amazon

Goodreads

BookBub

If you share on social media, tag me, I love sharing readers posts.

Thanks for reading!

Annie

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I hope you enjoyed Kane and Violet’s story. I started writing this book last August while I was on holiday. I honestly have no idea where this came from as I had just finished writing Unwrapped For You, my Christmas novella, which is a totally different vibe to this.

It took me three months to write Violet and then two months of rewrites and edits. By January, I couldn’t dedicate any more time to it as I had other commitments such as Hate Tea Love You and Protecting Poppy to write. It was then I knew this was going to be a four book series. Dom told me he was friends with Kane. I know it sounds crazy when writers say their characters speak to them, but they really do. So I added Kane into Poppy and vice versa, creating the Sinful Secrets Series. Only that meant that I wanted to release Poppy first. It was a shorter book and would allow me more time to make any further edits needed to Violet.

It’s 5 days before release as I write this now and I’m still making edits. I don’t think I’ll ever be done with these two characters.

Thank you to all my readers. I appreciate every single one of you for reading and supporting my work. You give me the motivation to keep going and keep writing my stories.

I want to say a special thanks to my family and friends, thank you for all your support and listening to me hash out different plot scenarios. And Paul, my work colleague who gets an earful every lunch time.

Thank you to all my author friends who have helped me with this book. Lizzie Lioness (check out Lizzie’s books including The Scorched Rose and Just another Broken Heart). M.R.Becker (Check out Sky Security series). Rebecca Rayne (Check out Cherry Sweet). Jane Poller (Check out her Crimson Creek Series). My Yorkshire Girls, Joanne Nundy (sci-fi assassins) and Kat Stone (cosy mysteries), your continued support and friendship is everything. Not to mention all my other author friends who are always on hand to brainstorm and offer advice and just be supportive in general. You’re the best.

For my ARC readers. I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to review my work. For everyone who shares my posts and supports my writing, thank you. I couldn’t do this without you.

To all my team members, your posts and messages always brighten up my day, thank you to each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.

Last but not least, Haley. Thank you so much for everything you do, going above and beyond with anything I ask for and for being such a supportive friend.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Annie Charme lives in the heart of England with her husband, two children and a randy dog.

She is a graphic artist by day and author by night.

When she isn't working, you will find her enjoying time with her family in the English countryside or curled up on the sofa with a coffee, blanket, dog and a steamy book.

Being an avid reader of romance novels, Annie feels that the larger woman is not represented enough, and books about plus size women are very few and far between. This is something that sparked her passion for writing.

www.anniecharme.com

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ALSO BY ANNIE CHARME

* * *

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Forever Mine

Book 2 of The Temptation Series

* * *

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Protecting Poppy

Taming Violet

* * *

Spicy RomCom

When My Ship Comes In

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Unwrapped For You

A Curves For Christmas Novella

Hate Tea Love You

A Man of The Month Club Novella

Tease The Season

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Twisted Santa

A Sweet but Twisted Novella - out November 2023

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