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Copyright © 2024 by Red Diva Publishing LLC

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Cover Design: Wingfield Designs www.wingfielddesigns.co.uk/

Editor: Katie Kulhawik

Proofreading: Romance Editor, Nina Fiegl, s.p. www.ninafiegl.com

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Contents

Foreword

Dedication

Playlist

Prologue

1. Benji

2. Liv

3. Liv

4. Benji

5. Benji

6. Liv

7. Benji

8. Liv

9. Benji

10. Benji

11. Benji

12. Liv

13. Liv

14. Liv

15. Benji

16. Benji

17. Liv

18. Benji

19. Liv

20. Benji

21. Benji

22. Liv

23. Liv

24. Benji

25. Benji

26. Liv

27. Liv

28. Benji

29. Liv

30. Benji

31. Liv

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

About the Author

More Books by Siena Trap

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Foreword

A comprehensive list of trigger warnings for those who need them can be found on my website: www.sienatrapbooks.com

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For all the fat-bottomed girls who spent far too long worried that they would never live up to the unrealistic body expectations portrayed in movies and magazines.

Have faith that the right guy is gonna take one look at you and say, "Gimme that ass."

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Prologue

Liv

This can’t be happening.

With my heartbeat thundering in my ears, I reached out with shaky hands to pick up the white stick that stood out against the grime of the dirty gas station restroom. The pregnancy test I held wasn’t one of those fancy ones with a digital readout, but there wasn’t much guesswork involved when the results window showed a plus sign to indicate a positive result.

I, Liv Mason, was pregnant.

Growing up, I was taught babies were a blessing, a gift from God. That was to be expected when you were raised in a tiny town of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, where your dad was the minister and your mom ran the rest of the church’s programs.

I had no doubt that the baby growing inside my belly was nothing short of a miracle, but I was only sixteen, barely having finished my sophomore year of high school.

As it was, the reason I was taking the test in a gas station restroom—having borrowed my father’s truck and driven forty miles to Sault Sainte Marie to purchase it—was because I couldn’t afford for Jennie behind the counter of her family’s pharmacy to spread gossip to the whole town.

Wardale, Michigan, was home to less than one thousand people. That meant everyone knew everyone else’s business, whether they liked it or not. News of Reverend Mason’s daughter buying a pregnancy test would have spread like wildfire and been the biggest scandal the town had ever seen, regardless of the results.

Results.

That brought me back to the present. How had this happened?

Well, I knew how it had happened. I wasn’t that naïve.

But we’d only skipped using protection once—the very first time. We hadn’t been prepared, caught up in the heat of the moment. I would forever be the poster child demonstrating that having sex once was definitely enough to get pregnant, a cautionary tale I’d heard preached in warning my entire childhood. Abstinence until marriage had always been the church’s official party line.

Losing my virginity would come at the cost of my parents’ reputation as pillars of virtue in our tiny society.

And then there was Benji to consider.

Benji was the town’s charity case, and he hated it.

Abandoned at the firehouse when he was a kid, no one had known what to do with him. Family values were a top priority in Wardale, and people couldn’t fathom why someone wouldn’t want their child. Then, they began to wonder if there was something wrong with him when he acted out, bouncing from home to home because no one could handle his temper.

Finally, he’d settled in with the Watsons. Mr. Watson ran the youth hockey organization in the neighboring town of Rippin, and getting Benji on skates gave him an outlet. He’d stopped acting out, channeling his aggression in a healthier way and begun to turn heads. Before long, everyone was talking about how Benji’s talent might take him out of our small, rural corner of the world.

With so few people in town, you were in the same class with the same kids from kindergarten through graduation. Benji was a year older than me, but education must not have been a priority before he was left in Wardale because he was far enough behind academically that they’d placed him a year behind where he should have been. With the last name Mills, his locker had been right next to mine since I was nine.

Not that I’d talked to him much until a few months ago.

Benji was good-looking, physically fit, and funny. After he’d found hockey and calmed his anger issues, everyone at school wanted to be his friend.

On the other hand, I was the bottom-heavy, goody-two-shoes daughter of the minister and was teased mercilessly. I kept to myself, choosing to remain silent instead of giving the vultures—otherwise known as teenage girls—more ammunition.

We weren’t exactly what you’d call a perfect pair, but somehow, we fit. I couldn’t explain it, and frankly, I didn’t want to try. Looking too deep might uncover reasons Benji shouldn’t want to be with me.

But now . . . Now, everything had changed. We’d created an innocent life that would test the strength of our new relationship.

As far back as I could remember, there hadn’t been an out-of-wedlock pregnancy in Wardale, especially not for a girl still in high school. My parents’ standing in the community would only add fuel to the fire. People would not only question their ability to keep their own house in order but also wonder why they should allow them to continue guiding the rest of the town’s youth on the path to righteousness.

Or worse, they would blame Benji. With his troubled past, he would be an easy scapegoat. I could hear the whispers now about how he’d forced that poor Mason girl and gotten her in trouble. It wouldn’t matter that I’d been a willing and active participant in our physical relationship.

The people of this town and their judgmental gossip could tear us apart. That prospect was almost more terrifying than the daunting task of birthing a child and raising it while still in high school.

I felt invincible when Benji was by my side. I could handle this as long as I didn’t lose him.

He was different with me than he was with everyone else. Benji played up to the cocky-jock stereotype in public, but in private, he was vulnerable. We’d spent hours simply lying under the stars in an open field—having snuck out after everyone else was asleep—talking about our lives. He’d opened up to me about his past, about his mom dying when he was little and his dad’s drug problems before he was left here in Wardale. I alone held that secret knowledge; he trusted me that much.

And we’d shared enough trust to take each other’s virginities under that same night sky.

No one knew we were together. My parents would have never approved. They’d want me to date someone from a “good family.” Benji didn’t have a family—he was viewed as an outsider.

This was a mess. I couldn’t see a way forward where external forces didn’t try to split us up.

But telling Benji was the first step.

He had a way of making everything better. He would know how to handle this. He would take care of me, of our baby.

From this day forward, our lives would never be the same.

Patiently, I waited, listening as my parents went through their unwavering nightly routine—a faith-based broadcast before praying for those in the community in need, then finally, heading to bed and reading side by side for half an hour before lights out.

I’d snuck out every night this summer once I was confident they were asleep. I must’ve been doing something right because I hadn’t been caught once. However, the jig would be up as soon as they learned about my bun in the oven.

I took a deep breath and touched the non-existent bump on my lower abdomen. I could do this. I just had to tell the father, and then we would figure the rest out together.

Sliding my bedroom window open slowly, I threw one leg over the ledge. My parents clearly couldn’t fathom their obedient daughter sneaking out because they’d installed a wall-mounted trellis right outside my window a few years back. It might as well have been a ladder with how easily it allowed a foothold for me to climb down.

Once I hit the ground, I took off running toward the Maynards’ farm a mile north of my family’s home. Benji and I met in their open field, hidden behind massive, rolled hay bales.

Out of breath, I paused when I reached our meeting spot, bending over in an effort to try and calm my racing heart. It wasn’t only the physical exertion that had me feeling lightheaded. I was about to turn Benji’s world upside down and say the words aloud for the first time, thus cementing the reality of this life-altering situation.

“Liv!” I heard Benji’s voice whisper-shout behind me.

Turning around, I faced the boy who’d changed my world. His storm-gray eyes shone silver like the moon as he made his way closer through the field. Dressed in his summer casual attire of athletic shorts and tight-fitting T-shirt, I watched the clothes move over his budding muscles. He worked out daily, pushing himself to get stronger and faster to play the game he loved. Beneath his backward-facing ballcap, I knew his reddish-brown hair was wild—he’d never been quite able to tame it.

Benji was cute at seventeen, and I could only imagine how incredible he’d look when he matured, becoming a man.

At five-eight, he was only a couple of inches taller than me, but it had never stopped him from making me feel protected and loved—not that we’d said those words to each other. Not yet, anyway.

Pulling me into his arms once I was within reach, he kissed my lips before lifting me off the ground and spinning us both. I couldn’t help but laugh, wondering what had gotten into him.

“You’re in a good mood,” I hedged, hoping he wouldn’t need much prompting to explain.

“The best mood! You’ll never believe what happened today!” He set me on the ground, but with our bodies still touching, I could feel the excitement vibrating through him.

Maybe this wasn’t the best night to tell him about the baby. We had time. It would keep until tomorrow night.

His joy was contagious, and I found myself smiling, reaching up to fix his ballcap, which had fallen askew when he spun us around. “Well, don’t leave me in suspense. What happened?”

Silver eyes sparkling, he rushed out, “I got a call from the junior team down in Detroit. They’re giving me a spot! Do you know what this could mean for me?”

I stopped breathing.

Detroit was five hours south. This was the opportunity of a lifetime for any kid, let alone one who’d grown up in foster care. People in Wardale hardly left to go on vacation, and Benji was getting a chance to get out, to try and make something remarkable of his life.

If I told him about the baby, he wouldn’t go.

His own father had left him behind without a second thought—Benji would never do that to his kid. Telling him would ruin his shot at a bright future. He’d be stuck here, just like the rest of us. Eventually, resentment would take root and kill any chance at happiness we might’ve had.

“I’m so proud of you. You’ve worked so hard,” I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek. I wasn’t sure if it was for me losing the boy I’d grown to love or for my baby who wouldn’t know their father.

Benji pulled back, raising a hand to wipe the tear away with his thumb. “Oh, Liv. If I could take you with me, you know I would. But I’ll be living with a billet family. I’ll barely have time for school with all the training and travel, let alone a job to support us.”

He didn’t know it, but he was making the case for why I had to keep our baby a secret. We were both still in school. He couldn’t support a family. If he stayed here, the odds were even lower. Without a college degree, his prospects would shrink. The best he could hope for would be to work himself through a trade school or join the teamsters and be gone all the time. While they were good, respectable jobs, they wouldn’t be enough for him.

Hockey would become a distant memory, something I stole from him because, one night, we were reckless.

“When do you leave?” I asked as tears fell freely, my heart already mourning the loss of him.

Benji closed his eyes briefly, and I knew our time together was at an end. Opening them, he replied, “Tomorrow. The team has already started training. Someone got injured, which opened up a last-minute spot for me.”

I’d thought seeing that positive pregnancy test earlier today would have me looking back on this day as the one that had forever altered the course of my life, but I never imagined losing Benji on top of it all.

All I had to do was open my mouth, to say the words out loud, and he would stay. But I’d become the villain in his story, the one who’d killed his dream before it had even begun.

The best I could do was cherish the piece of him growing inside me, to nurture it with enough love for the both of us. Our child would never feel unwanted like their father had growing up.

It would be enough. It had to be.

Leaning in, Benji kissed me long and slow, the salt from my tears seasoning it with a new flavor. I could see this kiss for what it was—he was saying goodbye.

I chose to pull back before he could. It hurt too much, knowing all I was losing tonight.

Before I could stop myself, I said different words than the ones I’d come here to say tonight. “I love you.”

Benji’s sharp intake of air punctuated the still of the night. “Liv, don’t . . .”

“No. I won’t take it back, not even if you’re leaving. It’s how I feel, and I wanted you to know. If I never see you again, please know that I loved you once. That what we had was real, for whatever short a time. Remember that, no matter what, everything I’ve ever done was out of love. For you.”

A nervous laugh fell from his lips, and I knew why. He’d never known real love in his life, at least that he could remember. And now, here I was, taking away the promise of unconditional love his unborn child would someday shower upon him. Hopefully, one day, when this kid came to find him, he’d remember these words—remember that because I loved him, I hadn’t held him back. I prayed that when that day came, they could both forgive me.

Pulling on the back of his neck, Benji said, “For all I know, I’ll be back within a week. These kids are the best of the best in the United States. I don’t stand a chance.”

Shaking my head, I replied, “I don’t believe that, and neither do you. Channel that cocky hockey boy you portray to the world and let him lead you where you were always meant to go.”

Gathering me into a hug, Benji’s body shook against mine. He might not say it in the same way, but I knew he loved me and that it was breaking his heart to leave me behind. Burying my face in his neck, I committed the feel of his arms around me to memory. I would hug our child in the same way, pouring his love into every embrace.

Against my ear, I heard him whisper, “I . . . um . . . I gotta go finish packing.”

Squeezing my eyes shut against a fresh wave of pain, I nodded before releasing him for the last time. “Of course. Goodbye, Benji.”

Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his shorts, he couldn’t bear to look me in the eye as he whispered, “Bye, Liv.”

I knew that if I didn’t leave now, I’d break down, blurting out about the baby, and I couldn’t do that. So, with all the strength I had left, I turned and began the mile-long trek home.

Maybe someday, he’d come back here and we could be a family, but I was a smart enough girl not to get my hopes up. Chances were that I would never see Benji Mills again.

His future was bright, and mine was sealed.

I guess it’s just you and me, baby.

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Chapter 1

Benji

Nine Years Later

Holy fuck, what a night.

As I forced my eyes open, I found myself in bed at home in my apartment, with a brunette curled up on either side of my body. It wasn’t my style to bring women home—I was all about the rail and bail—but the rules had gone out the window last night.

We were celebrating. The Connecticut Comets, the professional hockey team I’d been playing for these past six years, had won a league championship. Something every kid playing the game growing up—hell, even most of the active pro players—could only dream of. My name would be forever etched in silver, immortalized as a champion alongside the legends of the past.

The aftermath had been insane. Spades, the team’s nightclub of choice, had been off the hook, especially when we brought the trophy to party with us. So, how could I say no when these two lovely ladies had whispered in my ear all manner of filthy things they wanted to do to me? I definitely hadn’t regretted it when one of them was sitting on my face while the other sucked my cock.

If my younger self could see me now, he wouldn’t believe how great my life had turned out.

A steady stream of available pussy was only one of the many perks I reaped being a professional hockey player. I might not be one of the biggest guys on the team, but the same things that made me stand out on the ice—speed and skill—also gave me a leg up in the bedroom. Granted, if I were a lousy lay, the girls would still flock to me by virtue of my high-profile career. But I took pride in being able to please a woman when so many other men phoned it in.

My apartment was larger than most homes in the rural town of Wardale, Michigan, where I’d grown up—at least from the age of ten on, when my dad had dropped me at a fire station and drove off, tires squealing. Until that point, I’d thought that kind of parental rights surrender was exclusive to babies, not kids old enough to identify their parents by name. But I had been very wrong.

My bank account was padded to the point where if my career ended tomorrow, I’d never have to work another day in my life. My current seven-figure contract was nice, but If I kept playing hard, the next one would be large enough to be considered “stupid money”—more than I could spend in a lifetime.

Not bad for the bastard son born to junkie parents who hadn’t cared more about him than getting their next fix.

One of the brunettes stretched beside me, back bowing as she threw both hands above her head. I couldn’t remember if these women were sisters or not. Thinking back to last night, I sure as hell hoped not because their hands and mouths were all over each other just as much as they were all over me. Maybe best friends? I didn’t really care. All I knew was it was time for them to leave.

Their names were similar too. Kayla and Kylie. At least, I thought that’s what they said when they’d introduced themselves over the pounding bass at the club. Honestly, I’d been so drunk I was surprised I could get it up.

A smile crept onto my face. Last night was only the beginning. Me and the boys would be partying all summer long. My itinerary wasn’t set yet, but I knew I’d be house-hopping across the US and Canada, with an extended stopover in Europe. I loved those topless beaches.

Extricating myself from the hands lingering on my naked body, I left the warmth of my bed and headed for the shower. A glance back at the naked beauties in my bed had my cock stirring, but I couldn’t afford to give these ladies any hope of an encore.

After watching my best friends on the team fall into what qualified as committed relationships, I had a duty to uphold my status as the last bachelor among us. I wasn’t cut out for the white-picket-fence life. What I had going on here was just right for me.

Promising myself that I’d kick these ladies out once I was clean and ready for tonight’s continued celebrations, I closed the door to the bathroom behind me, locking it to avoid any further temptation.

Tonight was a new night, with the promise of new female companionship, but one thing remained the same.

I was a motherfucking champion.

Walking into the private back room at Nomad, a swanky restaurant in downtown Hartford, Connecticut, I found several of my teammates already waiting for me. Not just them, but that gleaming silver trophy that would be our summer sidekick.

Unable to resist, I walked to where it was perched at the end of the table and kissed it again for good measure. I had done so last night—more times than I could count—after we’d won, but it was well within my rights to do so. It was still surreal that we'd finally done it after so many years of trying and failing. Some guys went their entire careers without winning, but somehow, we’d found a way.

Plopping down into a seat, I eyed my two best friends, Jaxon Slate, our team captain, and Cal Berg, our star defenseman. They both looked like shit. Clearly, they hadn’t gotten the same tension-relieving experience that I had last night. Either that or now that they were in their thirties, they couldn’t pull an all-nighter and be ready to boot and rally the next day.

At twenty-six, that wasn’t an issue for me. I felt energized like I had a never-ending supply of batteries and could keep up this pace forever.

Having grown up an only child, my teammates had become my family. These guys were like the brothers I’d never had. And what good were brothers if they didn’t bust your balls?

I hit Jaxon first. “So, tell me, Jaxon. Which lady slept in your bed last night? Was it Natalie or the curvy, albeit cold, chalice every young boy dreams of taking to bed?”

Jaxon shot me a glare from across the table. “What do you think?”

Shrugging, I replied with a smirk, “I think you’re a pussy who cuddled with his wife instead of kicking her out to spend a night with your mistress made of silver. You may have coveted Natalie for ten years before you finally scored her, but this trophy has been in your sights since you had superheroes printed on your underwear.”

Cal hid a smile behind his hand, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He knew as well as I did that bringing up Jaxon’s wife would set our usually mellow friend on edge. I might have come onto the team at the tail end of his pining for his wife, Natalie, before he had landed her, but anyone with eyes could see he’d had it bad for her. His obsession with her hadn’t dimmed a fraction, even now that they’d been married for three years.

Jaxon forced a smile, and his fists clenched where they rested on the table. “I know it’s hard for you to wrap your pea-sized brain around, Benji boy, but when all this fades away, love remains. If I had to choose between never winning this trophy or having my wife, I would choose her. Every. Single. Time.”

Love had clearly knocked a few screws loose in my friend and captain’s brain. “Hold up. You’re telling me that cementing your legacy is less important than flowers and roses?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “I have a legacy. Their names are Amelia, Jameson, Beau, and Charlie.” Those were the names of his four kids. He and Natalie had a fifth on the way this fall.

Cal grumbled, “Maybe Benji is right. Women come and go. At least no one can take this championship from me.”

Looking skyward, I groaned. “Jesus. How did I get stuck here with Lovey and Mopey? I didn’t know there were openings for new dwarves.”

They finally shut up, knowing I’d nailed them.

Lovey, or Jaxon, was one step away from qualifying for sainthood. Natalie’s three oldest children came from her first marriage. He hadn’t dipped his toes into the parenting pool; he decided to dive in headfirst, adopting all three and giving them his name. You had to be a saint to willingly take on a teenage daughter who wasn’t yours. Amelia was beautiful, like her mother, and Jaxon would have his hands full keeping men away from her. I shuddered to think of someone defiling her. It would be a huge mistake as her biological uncle, a brooding hulk of a man, also happened to be the future king of a tiny European country in the Alps—I was sure he wouldn’t hesitate to claim diplomatic immunity in destroying the little dipshit.

If he didn’t get the job done, she had twenty hockey uncles who would jump in to defend her honor.

I might not buy into the idea of love and family that everyone seemed to be selling, but I protected my own. The Comets family was my family—end of story.

Speaking of daughters . . .

That brought me to Mopey, or Cal. He’d been acting like a tranquilized bull, having lost the will to fight. All because he had broken the cardinal rule and been secretly dating our head coach’s daughter, Hannah. The details were fuzzy—mostly because he refused to share them—but they’d hit a rough patch recently. He’d been a sad sack ever since.

Since I’d already busted Jaxon’s balls, Cal was my next target. “Are we glossing over the fact that you retired last night without a word of warning to your best friends?”

Yeah, instead of going in front of the press to discuss our championship win, Cal had pulled a one-eighty and announced his retirement. Caught us all by surprise.

Still sulking, he shrugged. “It was time.”

“Bullshit,” I retorted. “You might be over the hill in hockey years, but you were still playing better than most of the defensemen in the league.”

“Call me in ten years and tell me how your body feels after one hundred games in eight months.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, must have really been in pain to be banging Hannah so hard I couldn’t fucking sleep when our hotel rooms shared a wall.”

That sparked the fire in Cal’s icy blue eyes, and his jaw clenched. “Leave her out of this,” he said through gritted teeth. Maybe I’d uncovered the real root cause of his sudden retirement, given his reaction.

Raising a hand to signal a passing waitress for a round of shots for my boys—they needed to lighten up—I asked, “So, what’s the play this summer?”

Cal shrugged with a sigh. “Back to the ranch, I guess.”

Hmm. That didn’t sound quite like the party I’d been picturing. I knew he had a bachelor pad, also known as a cabin, in the Canadian Rockies, where we’d spent time picking up chicks at the local tourist destinations in off-seasons past. Was he seriously going to let this breakup with Hannah ruin the whole summer?

Jaxon offered, “We are sticking around for the next week or so, waiting on our niece’s arrival, then we are off to Minnesota. A summer on the lake is exactly what we need after the grind of the playoffs.”

I groaned. Over the past few years, we’d gone from a trio of bachelors to me being the last man standing. Sure, Cal was moping over Hannah, but if he was this torn up about it, I wouldn’t put it past them to reconcile.

Our lives were headed in different directions, and I couldn’t help but mourn the loss of my best friends to the women they loved. Sure, they were right before me, but everything had changed. They had new priorities now.

“What about you?” Jaxon asked.

“Huh?” I’d been too lost in my thoughts and hadn’t been paying attention.

“Where are you headed this summer?”

“Oh.” I guess the conversation hadn’t moved on quite yet. “Definitely party hopping, hanging with whoever’s got the trophy. Probably a stint in Europe. Who knows?”

Jaxon frowned. “You’re not going home?”

“Home?” There was no home for me. I was no better than a stray dog, unwanted everywhere I had gone until I’d found hockey.

Tilting his head at me, confused by my confusion, he prompted, “You know . . . to share the trophy with your hometown?”

When I left Wardale nine years ago, I hadn’t looked back. It was a miracle I’d even gotten out, a feat not many had succeeded in doing before. One lucky break and a call to join the junior team in Detroit had set the wheels in motion for my career to take off. Two years spent there hadn’t gotten me drafted, but it was enough for scouts to notice me, and after a few more years of hard work and dedication, I’d gotten picked up by the Comets as a free agent.

The rest was history—literally, as the name Benjamin Mills would be etched in silver for future generations to remember the mark I’d had on the sport I loved.

“Uh.” I pulled on the back of my neck. “Why can’t I celebrate here? I don’t have a place anywhere else.”

Jaxon gave me the “dad” stare. Man, he might have only been a father for a few years, but he’d perfected that look—the one that said you’re not fooling anyone.

“What?” I whined, feeling like a petulant child.

“Winning a championship is only the beginning,” he explained. “These next few months, it’s our duty to give back to the communities that raised us and inspire the next generation.”

Jaxon didn’t understand; he couldn’t understand. He came from a loving home with two parents who loved and supported him. I had nothing, never had. The “community” had tolerated me, seeing me as nothing more than what I was—a cast-off my own father hadn’t wanted.

When I didn’t respond, Jaxon pressed again. “Come on. You said someone took a chance on you once upon a time. Maybe you could repay the favor? Whatever you decide, let me know. I’ll have your back.”

One minute, I’d been reveling in the post-championship glow. The next, I felt like an ungrateful brat.

As much as I was loath to admit it, Jaxon was right. But the idea of returning to Wardale was enough to give me hives. Maybe I could shoot my public relations team a note and see what they could cook up that would allow me to give back without spending much—if any—time in that rural hellhole I’d spent years trying to forget.

I would never be ready to battle the demons lying in wait in that godforsaken place.

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Chapter 2

Liv

“Hey, Liv.” Abby walked over to the nurse’s station as I picked up a tablet to scan how many patients we had on the floor tonight.

It was time for shift change, and Abby needed to give me a run-down. “Hit me with it, Abs.”

Pulling the stethoscope from its perch around her neck, she sighed. “Let’s see. You’ve got a mom in Room Six who is in the early stages, but her water’s already broken, so you’ll have to keep an eye on her. There’s another in Room Two who was seven centimeters when I checked her an hour ago, so you’ll need to prep the room for delivery after I leave. And there’s a call in to anesthesiology for the mom in Room Eleven. We’ve got five postpartum moms. One delivered this afternoon, and two others will be ready for discharge in the morning.”

Following along with the names of each patient’s location on the tablet, I nodded. “Sounds good. Enjoy your night.”

“Oh, I will.” She sighed heavily. “There is a bubble bath with my name written all over it waiting for me at home.”

“Sounds amazing.” I gave her a bright smile.

Knowing my partner on the floor, Taylor, would arrive within the next thirty minutes, I prepared myself for my upcoming night shift on the labor and delivery unit of Upper Peninsula General Hospital—commonly known as UP Gen—located in St. Ignace, Michigan, half an hour from my home in Wardale.

I’d always loved babies. Growing up, I spent my teenage years volunteering in the church nursery and babysitting throughout our small community. I thought maybe one day, I would find my way to teaching preschool, but life had other plans.

A little more than eight years ago, I’d found myself in this very hospital—in the same unit I sat in now—scared out of my mind and alone.

My water had broken in the high school bathroom where I’d been attending junior year. Laboring silently through the last two periods of the day, I’d borrowed my dad’s truck and driven myself the half hour to UP Gen, the closest major hospital I could pull up on my phone.

When I arrived, the nurses on the floor hadn’t stopped to gawk at the teenage mother; their eyes held no traces of judgment. They’d simply set me up in a room and made sure one of them was always by my side, offering the support I needed but had been afraid to ask for from my own family.

That day had changed the course of my life in more ways than one.

It brought me my beautiful son, Knox, who made me a mother at the tender age of seventeen, but it also inspired a new potential career path. Not only would I get to witness the most life-altering day a person could have, but I would also have the opportunity to give single mothers the same support I’d once been offered.

I could be the difference for someone like me.

So, after finishing high school—not an easy feat with a newborn—I’d worked myself through nursing school. The shift work was ideal for a single mom. I worked three twelve-hour shifts a week, which meant I had four full days with Knox. Choosing the night shift meant I could work while he was asleep and be there for him during the day. It was even better now that he was in school because I could sleep while he was out of the house. Those first few years had been rough, running on empty, resting only when he napped after a long shift, having been awake all night.

But I’d made it through. And I would do it all over again for my baby boy. He was worth it.

I swear, the final hour of a shift seemed to last forever.

The sun had risen already, even though it was barely 6 AM—thanks to being so far north, just past the summer solstice. As a kid, I loved the extra daylight on these long summer days, but now it had me itching to get home.

The night had been eventful. Two of the three laboring moms on the floor had delivered their babies—two healthy baby boys.

A smile crept onto my face, thinking of my own sweet boy still asleep in his bed. He wasn’t a baby any longer, but he still let me snuggle him in bed when I arrived home after a shift. It was the best part of my day, curling into his tiny body giving off heat like a furnace. I knew these days were fleeting, and I wanted to soak them up while I still could. He might only be eight years old, but soon, it would be considered “uncool” to lie in bed with his mom.

Taylor walked out of Room Two, shaking her head. Arriving at the nurse's station, she gave me a wry smile. “You’re never going to believe this.”

I leaned forward in interest. We’d seen and heard just about every unbelievable thing over the years working on the floor together, so whatever Taylor had witnessed promised to be good.

“The dad in Room Two. I was getting him set up to do skin-to-skin with his baby. He takes off his shirt and, dead serious, asks if his muscles are too hard and will hurt the baby.”

Snickering, I couldn’t control myself. Just when we thought we’d heard it all . . .

Taylor scoffed. “Almost as bad as the guys who are afraid their dick is gonna poke their baby in the head when they fuck. I swear it’s something they say to make other women think they’re hung. Most guys I’ve slept with wouldn’t even come close.”

I chose to remain silent on that point, instead muttering, “Where do they come up with this stuff?”

She shook her head, looking skyward. “The way this guy was going on and on about it, you’d think he thought he was a professional athlete or something. His abs weren’t that impressive if you ask me.”

Professional athlete.

Knox’s dad came to mind.

The last time I had seen Benji was when he told me he’d gotten his big break the night before he left for Detroit—nine long years ago.

I’d kept tabs on his career. If for no other reason than to be able to tell Knox one day who his father was—where he was—when he got old enough. I knew Benji had worked hard, gotten his big break a few years ago, and was in Connecticut on a professional hockey contract. I also knew that, recently, he’d won a league championship.

Hopefully, someday, Knox would be proud of all his father had accomplished and would be able to forgive me for keeping them apart.

Every time I saw Benji’s name in the news, I knew I’d done the right thing in letting him go. He had gone further than either of us could have ever dreamed, and I was glad I’d given him the chance.

“Speaking of getting dicked down.” Taylor’s words drew me away from the mental image of Benji.

“Huh?” Clearly, I’d missed an important part of the conversation while daydreaming.

Taylor gave me a knowing look. “So, I was hoping you’d let me set you up with Dave down in peds.”

I groaned. “Come on, Tay. We’ve been over this. I don’t have time to date. Besides, who would want to date me? I come with baggage in the form of a four-foot-four blond ball of energy. Most guys don’t give me a second look the minute they hear I have a kid.”

She threw her hands on her hips. “Didn’t you hear the part where I said he works in peds? You don’t willingly devote your life to working with sick kids if you don’t like them. Dave is super nice. I think you two would hit it off.”

“I don’t know . . . I haven’t been on a date in a long time.” Or ever.

Taylor sighed. “You’ve gotta give up the nun routine sometime. You’re a twenty-five-year-old mom. You’re not dead. Think of how good it will be for Knox to see his mom happy.”

I balked. “Knox makes me happy.”

She softened. “Of course he does. But it’s not the same kind of happiness. Can you honestly tell me you’re fine with being on the shelf until Knox goes off to college? A girl has needs . . .” Taylor gave me a pointed look, which told me exactly what “needs” she was referring to.

“My needs are met just fine, thank you very much,” I replied.

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Flicking the bean doesn’t count, Liv. Some things require the assistance of a man. Trust me.”

I’d had sex, obviously—I had a kid. And while my summer with Benji had been nice, we’d both been inexperienced. It felt good, and I enjoyed the intimacy of being close to him, but I hadn’t reached an orgasm until I discovered self-love later in life. I was sure that would more than mortify my mother, but I figured I was already the town pariah for having a baby in high school, so why not go down the rabbit hole of the internet and find out more about making myself feel good? The nights since Knox had been born were dark and lonely. Didn’t I deserve a little release?

“I’ll take your word for it,” I mumbled.

Sighing, Taylor added, “Think about it, okay? When I mentioned your name to Dave, he lit up. I think he’s been crushing on you for a while.”

I nearly snorted. “That would be a first.”

She tilted her head. “Why? You’re cute and kind. Being a mom doesn’t make you any less desirable.”

I stood, grabbing two fistfuls of my scrubs-covered ass, which overflowed my hands. “No, but this does.”

“There are women who would kill for that ass, you know that, right?”

I huffed, “Certainly not anyone I went to high school with. The jokes about my big ass went hand in hand with being the minister’s daughter. It only got worse once they found out I had a kid. Then, it turned into wondering how someone managed to make it past my thick thighs to even find my vagina.”

Taylor grimaced. “Shit. High school kids are assholes. They latch onto others’ insecurities so they don’t have to face their own.”

She might have a point, but it didn’t take away the sting. I could just picture their faces if they ever learned that Benji was Knox’s father. He had been the most sought-after boy at school—every girl wanted a piece of him. They’d never believe that Lumpy Butt Liv slept with the Benji Mills. Even if it was before he’d hit it big.

It didn’t matter what they believed. The living proof was asleep at home.

Honestly, it was just as well that nobody knew who Knox’s father was. People in our tiny town were hardworking but often struggled, too proud to accept help or charity. Selling a story with a picture of my son to a tabloid could pay off their mortgage. That was all it would take, and it wouldn’t be long before Benji at least got a whiff of a rumor that he had a kid back in Wardale. Considering we’d taken each other’s virginities, he would know exactly where to look to confirm whether the rumors were true.

It was better that his paternity remained a secret. I alone held that knowledge, and I intended to keep it that way until Knox turned eighteen. Then, I would give him the collection of clippings of everything Benji had done that was newsworthy to that point, and he could decide if he wanted to seek him out. It would be between two grown men, my job in raising Knox to adulthood completed.

Maggie rounded the corner, signaling shift change, and I gave her a run-down of the floor as it stood this morning. Then I bid Taylor farewell until our next shift together. The look on her face told me our conversation was far from over. I’d been working with her long enough to know that when she got an idea in her head, she was like a dog with a bone—she wasn’t going to let it go.

My life was busy enough without having to worry about going on a blind date—that’s what it would be. Dave might know me, but I didn’t know him from Adam. With Knox home for the summer, I was constantly on the go. I couldn’t afford to spend any of my valuable free time trying to get laid. That had only gotten me into trouble the last time I tried it.

Leaving the hospital and thoughts of dating behind, I headed home to the one man I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else with and who could never let me down—my son.

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Chapter 3

Liv

It was just before 8 AM when I opened the front door to my tiny two-bedroom house. Night shift was weird. Sometimes, I was ready to hop right into bed when I got home, and others, I was so amped up from the night’s events that I couldn’t sleep until the afternoon. Today, it was the latter.

“Olivia? Is that you, honey?” My mother’s voice called out from the kitchen at the back of the house.

For sixteen years, I’d been Olivia, the dutiful and obedient daughter of Reverend Mason and his wife. And for those sixteen years, it hadn’t bothered me. That’s who I was.

But that was before Benji.

Benji had been the first to call me Liv, and when I was with him, I became a new person—a person I found I liked.

Olivia always did as she was told. But Liv? She was bold. She took risks, spoke freely, and learned to love. Olivia would have crumbled after learning she was pregnant at sixteen, begging her parents for mercy, allowing them to make the decisions on what was best for her and her baby’s future. Liv, on the other hand, had stood on her own two feet and figured out how to get prenatal care without using her family’s health insurance and decided that she would be the best damn mom the baby growing in her belly could ever ask for.

The people who knew me from my youth still called me Olivia, but Liv was how I introduced myself now. That’s who I was in my professional life, who I was as a mom.

“Yeah, Mom. It’s me,” I called out softly, unsure whether Knox was awake for the day.

It took less than ten steps before I found myself in the kitchen from the front door. This house might be small, but it was all mine. I’d worked hard to provide a stable environment for my son, and I was damn proud of it.

The two-bedroom ranch-style home was barely 900 square feet, but it was more than large enough for a single mom with one child. Knox and I each had our own bedrooms. There was one full bath, a small kitchen, and a family room. It was cozy, but we’d made it ours.

My mom stood from the kitchen table to pour me a cup of tea. It didn’t matter that it was early July and my house didn’t have air conditioning. There was nothing more relaxing after a long shift than a hot cup of herbal tea.

Falling into one of the two kitchen chairs, I gratefully accepted the mug as heat seeped into my hands and steam curled up to tickle my face. Taking a sip, I sighed. “How was Knox?”

Mom sat opposite me with a smile on her face. “He was an angel, like always.”

“Is he still asleep?”

She shook her head. “He woke up shortly after dawn and couldn’t wait to start the day. Took off on his bike down the street to round up the neighborhood kids to play a pickup game of baseball.”

That was another thing Benji had bestowed upon Knox—his natural athleticism. That boy was good at every sport he tried and had to be constantly moving. It was great that he was older now and could run around the neighborhood playing with other kids to expend the unlimited supply of energy he seemed to have.

God, I wished I could bottle it. I could still vividly recall the day he’d climbed up the bookshelf in my parents’ living room at barely eighteen months old.

He’d kept us on our toes these past eight years, that was for sure.

“If you want, I can take him home with me and you can catch up on your sleep,” Mom offered. “I know it’s harder with school out, and he doesn’t have any camps this week. Pete’s off today, and I’m sure he’d love to take him fishing on the pond.”

Pete was my brother, only three years older than me. He adored Knox and had stepped in to fill the father-figure role in the absence of one.

I had to give my family credit. We were closer than ever, and they’d handled the news of Knox’s existence better than I could have ever expected.

Knox’s paternity hadn’t been my only secret back then.

I’d been so terrified that if I told my parents I was pregnant, they would have pushed for adoption. My decision had been made even before Benji left. This was my baby, and I wanted to keep him—not that I knew he was a him then, but still. I had been afraid that I would crumble under the pressure to give up my child, so I kept my pregnancy hidden.

Luck had been on my side—along with some extra padding around the middle—and I had concealed my growing bump under loose-fitting shirts. The women I’d seen pregnant at church sported huge basketball or watermelon-sized bellies. Mine had been barely bigger than a cantaloupe by the time I gave birth.

Having an abnormally tiny belly had scared me enough to seek out medical care, which I’d neglected in the earlier part of my pregnancy—wary that even if I traveled further from Wardale, someone would call my parents. Thankfully, I’d found a free clinic in Sault Sainte Marie, and they had assured me that my baby, a boy, was healthy and growing just fine. They’d explained that every woman carried differently, and I was one of the lucky ones who might escape stretch marks.

When my water broke at school, luck had been on my side again, as it was a Friday afternoon. I’d lied to my parents, telling them I was heading to a friend’s house for a sleepover, begging to borrow the truck so I wouldn’t wake them if I decided to come home early. When I returned the following evening, I had carried Knox through the front door with my head held high.

Becoming a teen mom meant my parents were still relatively young. The thought had never crossed their minds to claim the baby belonged to a distant relative or that they were fostering a baby in need. No one would have questioned a Christian couple in their early forties taking in a child to raise. Some people were older than that when they started their biological families.

Most families I knew would have pushed to raise the child as my sibling. It would’ve been nice and tidy, too, since no one had known I was pregnant. But not my parents. They had never made me feel ashamed, and a part of me regretted not leaning on them sooner.

Mom had instantly fallen in love with Knox and made me promise not to quit high school. She’d even gone so far as to start an actual weekday daycare at the church, offering support to all working mothers. She’d initially wanted to make it free of charge, but the proud people of Wardale wouldn’t hear of it. Finally, she’d settled on allowing families to pay only what they could afford—it became a donation rather than a fee. Knox had made some of his best friends in that daycare before starting school full-time.

Dad had modernized the church’s stance on premarital sex from one of strict abstinence to one of teaching safe sex and educating our youth on the various types of contraceptives. It had taken his only daughter getting knocked up for him to see how unrealistic it was to ask horny teenagers to keep it in their pants. Preaching prevention was better than fostering ignorance.

Without the help of my family, I would never have finished high school, let alone nursing school. When I had explained that taking the night shift would afford me more time with Knox than the day shift, Mom immediately offered to sleep three nights a week at my place after we moved out of their house.

They’d already given me so much that it felt awkward at times, like this morning when Mom offered to take Knox for the entire day after she spent the night watching him.

As if she could sense my hesitation to take up her offer, she placed a hand on my arm. “Honey, you’re off the next two days. Get some rest so you can enjoy that time with your son. We don’t mind spending the day with our favorite little guy.”

I sighed. I didn’t know how I’d gotten so fortunate. “Okay. I’ll come pick him up after lunch. Just a cat nap today.”

Mom’s smile was genuine. “Take all the time you need. Truly, it’s no bother.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I whispered, taking another sip of tea.

“No thanks required, my darling girl. I’m so proud of the example you’ve set for Knox, working hard and overcoming adversity. You’re a good mom, and he’s a lucky little boy to have you.”

Exhaustion settled deep in my bones. These past eight years hadn’t been easy. There had been days when I’d wanted to give up—days I’d mentally cursed Benji for living a carefree life while I was the sole caretaker of our son. But hearing my mom say she was proud of how I’d persevered had tears prickling behind my eyes.

Mom stood, dropping a kiss on my forehead. “Get some rest, Olivia. We’ll see you this afternoon.”

I looked up at the woman who had never passed judgment on me for my past mistakes—she took the Bible to heart in that regard. “I know I don’t say it enough, Mom, but I love you.”

Smoothing the stray pieces of hair that had escaped the bun I wore to work, she grinned down at me. “You don’t have to say it. I can feel it wrapped around me every day. Your father and I are truly blessed to have a beautiful family and are rich in the love we share.”

Not saying another word, she walked out the front door to hunt down Knox to take him home with her.

Finishing my tea, I quickly showered and crawled into bed. As with every time I closed my eyes, Benji’s face was there. In my dreams, he was permanently frozen in time, still the same adorable teenage boy that I’d fallen in love with once upon a time.

Maybe that was why I couldn’t allow myself to move on. Benji still had a hold on me, like my mind expected him to show up one day and be the father that Knox had always needed. Perhaps be the man I’d always needed.

If I believed that, I was an even bigger fool than I thought. Benji wasn’t coming back. The sooner I accepted that, the sooner I could allow myself to find happiness—perhaps even love—someday.

It was time to let Benji Mills go.

“Mom!” I had barely stepped out of my beat-up two-door hatchback when Knox screamed my name, running down the front steps of my parents’ house.

Barreling into me at full force, he knocked me backward a step. “Whoa, squirt! What has Grandma been feeding you? You’re getting so strong!”

Looking up at me, he smiled, and I almost had to laugh at how he was missing one front tooth, the other too large for his mouth as the adult tooth grew in. It was such an awkward time for kids, but I cherished every moment. I would only get to do this once.

“Uncle Pete was in charge of lunch today! He said meats and veggies are what make him strong so that he can save lives,” Knox declared.

Pete was a firefighter. I guess it was in the Masons’ DNA to help others, with our parents devoting their lives to the church, me at the hospital, and Pete running into burning buildings. I wondered if Knox would follow suit, choosing a profession that served the community.

Knox’s dirty blond hair was too long for summer, and I pushed it out of his eyes while making a mental note to book him a haircut down at Stacy’s salon. “Uncle Pete is right. I’m sure you’ll grow up to be big and strong, just like him.”

“Can I get the ‘Uncle Pete is right’ part in writing?” A voice called down from the porch.

Glancing up, I found Pete leaning against the post of the awning, his legs crossed at the ankle as his arms were folded across his massive chest—the product of the countless hours spent in the gym required to maintain the level of fitness necessary to carry others to safety. He was on the tall side, a touch over six feet. I wondered if Knox would get his height from his uncle rather than his father, considering he grew out of clothes faster than I could blink. We shared the same dark blond hair, which Knox had also inherited, but his green eyes were darker than mine.

Pete was the only one in our family who continued pressuring me for information about Knox’s dad. My parents had let it go, but Pete was out for blood. The idea that someone had gotten his baby sister in trouble and abandoned her had never sat right with him.

If it wouldn’t bring my world crashing down, it would be almost humorous that Pete—or anyone else, for that matter—hadn’t figured it out. Knox might be blond like the rest of the Mason clan, but his eyes were the same storm-gray as Benji’s. The color was unique. In my whole life, I’d only ever seen it on two people, and they were, without a doubt, related.

Smiling at my brother, I said to Knox, “Go get me a pen, squirt.”

That brought a laugh out of Pete. We’d always been close. Maybe that was why he had been so upset when I came home with Knox, lips sealed about his paternity. He’d felt betrayed that I hadn’t trusted him enough to confide in him, both about the pregnancy and the identity of the man who shared half of Knox’s DNA.

Knox ran into the house, and I walked toward my brother. “Did he give you any trouble?”

The smile that crept onto Pete’s face was so wide it nearly split his face. He loved his nephew, and it showed. “Never. He’s a good kid, Liv.” He was the only one in town who called me by my chosen name.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on him this morning. I needed that nap more than I realized.”

“Anytime, sis. If I’m not working, you can always call me to take him off your hands,” he offered. “Sometimes, taking time for yourself makes you a better mom.”

Jeez, why was everyone suddenly trying to make me feel guilty about sacrificing having a life to raise my son? I’d made my choice long ago, and I was happy with my life the way it was.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Knox ran out of the house with a pen, not having quite mastered the subtleties of the teasing between siblings since he didn’t have one of his own. Not wanting to make him feel like less, I dug around in my purse for a piece of paper. Coming up with only an old receipt, I turned it over and wrote on the back: Pete was right, July 2nd. I signed my name and handed it to my brother, who smirked in response, holding it tight to his chest like it was a treasured possession.

“Jerk,” I teased.

“You love me,” he taunted back.

I blew him a kiss. “You know I do.” Ruffling Knox’s hair, I told him, “Go and get your backpack, and anything else you brought to Grandma and Grandpa’s.”

Taking off like a bullet, I winced as the screen door slammed shut behind him.

Pete mused, “You really should get him into organized sports. He’s more than old enough, and it would be good for him.”

I sighed. “You know I would, but it’s hard not knowing if games and practices will work around my schedule.”

Pete shot me a look. We were both stubborn to a fault, and he knew I was too proud to accept extra help when my family had already given me so much in terms of raising Knox as a single mother. “Come on, Liv. You know we can get him anywhere he needs to go if you’re at work. Think of how good it will be for him to learn to be part of a team. And some small part of me wants to see him whoop on the kids of the judgy people of this town.”

While my family had taken the news of Knox in stride, not everyone was so gracious. Family values were paramount in Wardale. Teenage pregnancy simply didn’t happen here. Mother hens couldn’t move fast enough to hide their sons away from the fallen jezebel in their midst. Not that I’d been interested anyway.

“That sounds awfully petty there, Pete,” I teased, trying to keep any hurt from the past out of my tone.

Whoever said words couldn’t hurt was full of shit. They hurt a lot. The first time I heard Knox called a bastard behind my back, I’d locked myself in my room and cried for a solid twenty-four hours. They could say whatever they wanted about me, but the hurtful things said about my son cut right through my heart.

He shrugged. “Sue me. When it comes to that boy and protecting him from small-minded people, I tend to forget everything Dad preaches about turning the other cheek. And I’m not sorry about it.”

Knox might be down a dad, but he had so many people in his corner pulling for him. I knew Pete would always look out for him.

“Fine. I’ll think about it,” I said, resigned.

Pete knew he had me if I was willing even to consider it, and the smile on his face told me as much. But he was right—I couldn’t deny Knox’s natural gifts much longer. He might not have a professional career, but he could use the benefits of team sports throughout his life. Skills like teamwork, communication, and decision-making, to name a few.

Before Pete could say anything more, Knox burst through the front door and right past me, letting himself into the car.

“Guess it’s time to go.” I chuckled.

“It’s cute that you think you’re the boss,” Pete teased.

Shrugging, I smiled. “Kids turning your whole life upside down. Who knew?”

Pete snorted. “Just about everyone.”

“Thanks again, Pete,” I threw over my shoulder, poking my head into the window to ensure Knox was buckled correctly before rounding the front of the car and getting into the driver’s seat.

“Anytime!” he called back.

Starting the engine, I threw a wave out the window as we headed home. It was time for me to spend some quality time with my son.

We finally made it home after stopping at the park so Knox could show me some of the tricks he’d been practicing on the skateboard he got for his birthday.

The moment we made it through the front door, my sweet boy looked up at me with those big gray eyes, asking, “Do we get to put any beads in the jar today?”

Knox had been four when I took up my position at UP Gen. I brought him in once to show him where I worked, and he’d been transfixed by the nursery. Staring through the giant glass window at the clear bassinets holding the babies on the floor, my little boy fell in love with each and every one of them.

I couldn’t take him to work often, and he always asked about the babies, so I found a way to track the births I’d assisted at home. A collection of Mason jars containing pink and blue beads held a permanent place on our mantle. Pink signified a girl baby and blue a boy. Some nights were slower on the unit, and we couldn’t add to the jar, but when I arrived home most mornings, Knox was eager to know if any babies had been born on my shift. The current jar was our fourth; we had one labeled with each year I’d been working on labor and delivery.

“Two blue ones today, buddy,” I declared.

Knox grinned from ear to ear. “Two boys? Were they twins?”

I shook my head. “No twins tonight. Just two baby boys to two different moms. They were so cute. Made me think of you when you were teeny and tiny.”

“I was a cute baby, huh?” He walked over to a portrait of him at only a few days old hung on the wall.

“The cutest,” I agreed. I knew every parent thought their baby was beautiful, but Knox had taken my breath away the first time I’d held him in my arms. He had been perfect. Still was.

Opening the drawer in the coffee table that held the colored beads, Knox carefully picked out two from the blue container before climbing onto the ledge of the fireplace and dropping them into the jar resting atop it.

Taking a closer look, it would seem this year’s jar had far more blue than pink. Most women I knew were keen to have a mini-me, but I couldn’t picture myself with a daughter. My little boy was the sweetest snuggle bug, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Maybe my view of girls was tainted by the nasty ones I’d attended school with. They’d been unkind for sport, and I would never understand it.

Wrapping my arms around Knox, I lifted him off the fireplace, lowering him until his feet touched the ground. “Go play in your room for a bit, squirt. I’m going to get a start on dinner. How does spaghetti and meatballs sound?”

“That’s my favorite!” Knox said excitedly before running off to his bedroom.

Most of our meals were simple and cheap. It was the only way I could afford for us to have our own place and keep up with how fast Knox outgrew his clothing. He didn’t seem to mind, likely because he didn’t know any better. This was the life he’d always known and never questioned it. I would be forever grateful for my easygoing boy, who never complained about not having the hottest toys or trendiest clothes.

Setting a pot of water to boil on one burner, I placed a saucepan of marinara sauce on the other.

Knox wandered into the kitchen with a piece of paper in his hands. “Mom, Uncle Pete told me about this sports clinic next week. Can I go?”

Oh, Pete.

It wasn’t enough that he was pushing the sports route; he had gone and told Knox about it. He’d set me up to be the bad guy, which wasn’t fair.

Sighing, I asked my son, “When is it?”

Glancing down at the paper, he replied, “Next Tuesday.”

Well, that made it easy to say no. “Sorry, bud. I have to work the night before. I probably wouldn’t be able to get you there in time.”

“Grandma said she would take me,” Knox declared.

Of course, she did.

Great, now my mom and brother were in cahoots. I was fighting a losing battle if they were teaming up against me.

“How much does it cost?” We didn’t have much in the way of disposable income, and I’d already shelled out for the camps Knox would attend later in the summer.

Knox smiled. “That’s the best part. It’s free!”

“Free?” I asked, doubtful. There was no such thing as free camps. Even vacation bible school had a fee. Whatever this was seemed too good to be true.

“Uh-huh.” He nodded. Shoving the paper closer, he pointed to the word “free” in all caps printed on the flyer.

I was out of excuses to say no if he had a ride and there was no cost. Pete would be so smug knowing he’d gotten his way. But that didn’t matter so long as Knox was happy.

“All right,” I agreed.

Knox bounced up and down. “Yes! Thank you, Mom! You’re the best!”

“Oh, I’m something all right,” I grumbled.

Before I knew it, an already filled-out permission slip was shoved at me, requiring a signature. Scrawling my name on the line, I took a deep breath.

Ready or not, we were diving headfirst into the world of youth sports.

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Chapter 4

Benji

I swore I would never return to this place, yet there I was, staring down the rink where I’d learned to play the game that made me millions.

Thankfully, the rink was located in Rippin, not Wardale, but it was close enough to the bad memories that could drag me under if I let them.

The early part of my life had been rough, and with time and distance, I’d been able to pretend as if it hadn’t happened. But being in this place again threatened to dredge the darkness back up.

I didn’t remember my mom at all. She died when I was four. What I did remember was the explosion that killed her. I’d been playing with empty cans—the beyond-poor kid’s version of blocks—when it happened. There’d been a loud bang from the kitchen, and the wall next to me splintered into a million pieces. I still had a scar on my right bicep from a piece of wood that had sliced right through it.

My mom had been cooking meth—apparently, she hadn’t been very good at it. She’d blown up half the damn house, and herself along with it.

It was no small miracle that I’d survived.

That had been the first time I was placed in foster care.

We’d been living in northern Wisconsin then, and a decent family had taken me in. It was the first time in my life that I could remember going to bed with a full stomach and having clothes without holes in them. They’d even gotten me a stuffed teddy bear.

Then, they found my dad.

Shane Fisher hadn’t given a shit about me when I’d been born, abandoning me and my mom to fend for ourselves. They’d only been able to track him down because Mom had been smart enough not to let him off the hook entirely, making sure to have his name recorded on my birth certificate. Until I was six, he hadn’t been much more than a sperm donor to me. I had never seen him before in my life. He was a stranger.

I’d been nothing more than an inconvenience to my dad when I was born, and that didn’t change when he took me in. He’d made sure to remind me that I was worthless daily, along with physical reminders that questioning anything he said would not be tolerated. Most of my days were spent cowering in fear of the man who had more than once broken one of my bones in a fit of rage—oftentimes for doing nothing more than looking at him the wrong way.

I’d been halfway through first grade when I went to live with him, and then school became less of a priority. I maybe made it to the classroom once or twice a week. It depended on whether Shane was sober enough to drive me—my parents had one thing in common: they’d both loved getting high.

It had bothered me at first, missing school, but eventually, it was better that I wasn’t there. I’d had difficulty answering questions about the bruises I couldn’t hide beneath threadbare clothing or why I’d come without a lunch.

I would have given anything to go back to the foster home.

We’d drifted from town to town, Shane dealing drugs where he could, then moving on to greener pastures. I’d been vaguely aware that we made our way from Wisconsin through the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. It didn’t really matter; it was a whole lot of nothing between the tiny towns that all looked the same.

One day, when I was ten, he told me he had a surprise for me. I’d been wary because, once, Shane had used the promise of a surprise to lure me out back so he could beat the shit out of me. But on this occasion, he’d pulled up to a fire station. I remember looking at the shiny red fire truck in awe before my dad encouraged me to get out to take a closer look.

I was still staring up at the giant truck when I heard the unmistakable sound of tires squealing, accompanied by the smell of burning rubber. Turning around, I’d watched my dad drive away like a bat out of Hell. In the shock of the moment, it had taken me a minute to piece together what had happened.

My dad had abandoned me at the fire station.

Confused and scared out of my mind, I’d knocked on the door next to the garage holding the single truck. When the firefighter on duty answered the door, I explained what had happened. Ushering me inside, he’d made the necessary calls to Child Welfare Services.

A social worker arrived, asking me a few questions before taking me into their protective custody. She’d told me they wouldn’t pursue my dad to take me back as it was clear he was unwilling to care for me properly—given the bruises littering my body.

I became a ward of the state for the second time in my life.

This time, however, was different. The last time, my parent had died, and there’d been no other choice. This time, I had been discarded like a worthless piece of trash, which made me angry, irrationally so.

I lashed out at every foster family who decided to take me in from that point forward. I figured if I didn’t let them get close enough, I couldn’t get hurt again. I’d made a conscious decision to be unworthy of love.

I didn’t last more than a month in any single home for years. No one wanted to deal with the troubled kid and they had been happy to hand me back over to the care of my social worker to find a new, unwitting family to take me on.

That all changed when I walked into the home of Patricia and Samuel Watson. Sam helped run the hockey program at the only rink within thirty miles of Wardale and volunteered his time as a coach. He’d taken one look at me and decided hockey was exactly what I needed.

He got me skating on the pond behind their house instead of throwing me to the wolves as a twelve-year-old kid with anger issues. Once I was proficient enough to hold my own, he got me onto a house league team to get my feet wet in the sport.

You would not believe the size difference in kids at that age. There were boys out there who were the size of full-grown men, easily over six feet tall. I was small, probably due to years of malnourishment, and definitely hadn’t hit puberty yet. But I’d found a way, using my speed to skate faster than the monsters chasing me down the ice and honing my sharp shooting skills, quickly earning a reputation as a sniper.

After a year of house league, I was offered a spot on the travel team for my age group. It was trial by fire because that had also been the first year checking became legal. I’d learned to get low to lay my hits and accelerate past those charging at me to slam my body against the boards. I wasn’t afraid to get hurt—I’d already suffered broken bones at the hands of my own father—but I didn’t want an injury forcing me to take time off from playing. I’d finally found a place where I could channel my aggression in a healthy way, and it stayed on the ice.

Letting go of my anger had allowed me to shake the shadow of Shane hanging over me. I was headed down a dark path and could have easily turned to a life of crime and violence, another product of the cycle repeating itself.

Hockey became my salvation, my release.

When I was seventeen, I got the call that changed my life. A season-ending injury had befallen one of the kids on the junior team in Detroit, and they wanted me to take his place. It wasn’t just any junior team—it was the national team, where the best in the US played, and it was almost a guaranteed track to get drafted. It was the opportunity of a lifetime.

I’d packed my bags and left Wardale the very next day. That first day on the ice in Detroit had been the first day of the rest of my life. There was no room to look back, only forward, so that’s what I’d done. And it had served me well ever since.

That brought me to why I was back here after promising myself that my past had no place in my future. Having won a championship, it was now my duty—according to Jaxon, at least—to give back to my community.

My agent and publicist had cooked up an idea to fund a free try hockey clinic at the rink where I’d learned to play. Beyond that, I was tasked with making a cameo coaching appearance, bringing along our shiny new trophy as a special guest. They also wanted me to gift an all-expenses-paid scholarship to two kids attending the event, outfitting them with head-to-toe top-of-the-line gear and ice fees covered for the following year.

Those two were salivating over the type of press this event would bring. Who could resist a story about the local charity case paying it forward to a rural kid just like him?

If they weren’t so damn good at their jobs, I’d seriously consider replacing them with men. Men didn’t get sentimental about things like this.

Since Jaxon had gotten me into this mess, I’d made it clear in no uncertain terms that he would be riding shotgun if I was forced to do this. Being the good guy that he was, Jaxon hadn’t batted an eyelash, even offering to bring along his almost-seven-year-old son, Beau, to attend the clinic so we could have a benchmark on the skill level of the kids in attendance.

Taking a deep breath, I forced my feet to move. I just had to suck it up and make it through the day. Then, I could leave this place behind for good.

This was worse than I could have imagined. There were kids everywhere, and they all wanted a piece of me.

I didn’t hate kids but didn’t go out of my way to spend time with them.

Kids of my own were not in my plans. I got to be fun Uncle Benji to my teammates’ kids, which was enough for me.

I always took precautions. Even if a girl begged me to take her bare, vowing she was on birth control, I always wore a condom. Protection was not optional if you wanted a night with me, and I brought my own to ensure there was no tampering.

I’d worked too hard to get where I was to let some money-hungry bunny derail my focus.

There had been one time—and only one—when a girl I’d been with came to me with a pregnancy scare. You could bet your ass I’d marched her down to the nearest pharmacy, paid for the test, and then watched as she peed on the stick so I could verify the results. Thankfully, it had been just that—a scare. The test came back negative, and I’d dodged a bullet. If it had come back positive, I would have demanded a paternity test. There were too many devious women out there trying to pawn off another man’s child by sleeping with a professional athlete, knowing they were pregnant already.

Jaxon, on the other hand, loved kids. Even before he became a father himself, he’d been the one to lead the charge to get players to attend special events for the Junior Comets—our youth association affiliate in Hartford—and was beyond gentle and kind any time we made trips to the children’s hospital to cheer up sick kids. It was very on-brand for his continued quest for sainthood.

When we arrived, he’d jumped right in, dropping to a knee and offering to help tie skates when he saw parents struggling. He embraced the situation while I was hoping to make it out of there in one piece.

Once all the kids were adequately outfitted with rental gear the rink held, we made our way onto the ice. No less than half of them fell the second their skates touched the slick surface. The other half were shaky, but at least they remained upright, most of them using their sticks as a crutch to keep their balance.

Jaxon assured me we didn’t need our gear or helmets, and I felt almost naked without them. Dressed only in Comets-branded tracksuits and skates, we surveyed the scene as association coach volunteers ran stations.

“Are you sure we don’t need at least a cup out here, man?” I asked Jaxon, who stood beside me. “These kids don’t have the skills to control where their shot goes. I don’t need to take a puck to the balls and be out of commission all summer.”

Jaxon rolled his eyes. “You’ll be fine. Most of these kids can barely skate, let alone lift the puck for an errant shot to your nuts.”

My gloved hand instinctively moved in front of my junk. I’d take a broken hand over a busted nut.

“Where’s Cal, by the way?” I grumbled. “If I’m making the trek all the way out to Western Canada for that guy, the least he could do is come out to the boonies to support me.”

“Keep your voice down,” Jaxon whisper-hissed. “We don’t need anyone overhearing you talking about your hometown like that.”

I scoffed. “It’s not my problem if they’re ignorant to the truth about where they live.”

“Just because you’re not proud of where you come from doesn’t mean everyone feels the same.”

“Fine,” I huffed. “So where is the big brute?”

Jaxon twisted his lips. “Still licking his wounds over Hannah.”

Jesus. How had those two gotten so whipped? I was never going to let myself get that hung up on a woman.

“I’ve got a hundred bucks that says they’re back together before the end of the summer,” I declared.

Jaxon shook his head. “I’ll take that bet. Even if he manages to pull his head out of his ass and beg her to take him back, she seems pretty adamant that she won’t entertain it. I was the one there when he tore her heart out. Saying it was ugly is an understatement. If I’d thought she was devastated when he got injured, seeing her broken-hearted was worse.”

Forgetting about our absent friend, I scanned the ice, focusing on a kid skating better than the rest. So well that he could keep up with Beau, who had been on skates since he was four and already playing organized hockey.

I pointed my stick in that direction. “That kid with Beau looks decent.” Just as I said it, the kid deked on Jaxon’s youngest son to score on the small nets used for the under-eight age group.

“Yeah, I was over there a few minutes ago. Beau’s taken a liking to him. He’s already asked me to invite him to Minnesota for our day with the trophy.” Jaxon chuckled. “Gotta love how kids think things like that can magically happen.”

“Maybe for your kids, they can,” I said under my breath.

Jaxon was one of the highest-paid players in the league. On top of that, he’d not only married an heiress with a trust fund but one who had also received a generous divorce settlement from her ex-husband’s family. Their kids would never have to worry about money or going to bed hungry, like so many in these small towns did.

Being rich didn’t mean they were immune to pain and suffering. Natalie’s three eldest’s bio dad was no better than mine. They were fortunate to have a stand-up guy like Jaxon looking out for them now. Not everyone was so lucky when they drew the short straw in the genetic lottery. I would know.

My eyes remained trained on the kid going toe-to-toe with Beau across the ice. There was something about the way he skated that drew my attention. I felt like I’d seen it before.

“His style looks familiar,” I mused to Jaxon. “Is he one of those kids going viral on social media showing off their hockey skills?”

“I don’t think so,” Jaxon replied. “When I asked him about playing hockey before today, he told me that he’d only ever skated on the pond with his uncle.”

“Hmm.” I looked around the ice surface. No one else stood out except this kid. There was no doubt he would earn one of the two scholarships. As for the second, I could pick a name from a hat.

“He’s a natural,” Jaxon remarked. “It would be a shame to let that potential go untapped. Who knows, maybe someday you’ll get the chance to play with him. He looks bigger than Beau, so maybe nine or ten years before he’s draft-eligible. If you take care of your body, you could still be playing then.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” I scoffed. “That would be like lightning striking twice for this small town.”

“Benji, I know talent when I see it. So do you. That kid has something special, especially if he’s never played before. He freaking dangled on Beau, and that boy spends half his life on the ice. I can’t keep him off it.”

Beau had been Jaxon’s shadow since the first day Jaxon walked into his life. Being Natalie’s youngest, he didn’t remember the piece of shit who’d fathered him—God, to be so lucky—and Jaxon was the only father he’d ever known. If you asked Beau who he wanted to be when he grew up, he would say without hesitation that he wanted to be his dad. It only made sense that the kid pushed himself on the ice, even though he was only six years old.

I countered, “Even if he’s got the talent, most people in this place can’t afford to make the sacrifices necessary to get to the highest levels of this sport. Hell, half of them can’t spare the cost of an open skate for the whole family.”

Jaxon had no idea how poor this area was. He hadn’t grown up with money, but his parents had worked their asses off to get him where he was today. But the people in these parts? Even with both parents working double shifts every week, they couldn’t cover it.

Jaxon nudged my shoulder. “That’s where you come in. Didn’t someone do the same thing for you? And look where it got you. Think about how good it would feel to give this kid a chance. Let him do with it what he will, but at least he’ll have a shot.”

I sighed. “You don’t get it, man. Getting that kid to eighteen and covering all costs is a drop in the bucket for me, but the people here are too proud to accept. Even with this scholarship, there’s no guarantee anyone will take it. For all we know, this kid’s parents will say ‘thanks, but no thanks’ when I pull them aside to tell them their son has skill.”

“You won’t know until you try,” Jaxon sing-songed back at me.

As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. Who knew what this kid’s home situation was like? Maybe he needed an escape—an outlet—like I had at his age.

Blowing out a breath, I skated toward Beau and his new friend. Hanging back at their small station—the most complex of those set up, that only the two of them seemed able to complete—I watched them for a moment.

Up close, this kid had better moves than I’d initially realized. And on rental skates, no less. Everyone knew they were notoriously dull and had weak ankle support from years of use. I wondered what this kid could do with a pair of high-end skates molded specifically for his feet.

Venturing closer when they stopped moving for a minute, I called out, “Beau, who’s your friend?”

Both boys turned to look at me, and I caught the name of the older of the two, which was written on a piece of tape across the front of his helmet, before Beau replied, “This is Knox! He’s sooooo good, don’t you think, Uncle Benji?”

“I do,” I agreed, skating closer to the pair.

Knox looked up at me through the cage on his helmet protecting his face, and I tilted my head. There was something about the gray eyes that peered back at me. It was almost like I had seen them before but couldn’t quite place them. Maybe I’d known this kid’s parents back in the day. That was probably it.

I dropped to one knee on the ice to be at eye level with the boys. “So, tell me, Knox. Have you played hockey before?”

The boy, whose dark blond hair fell into his eyes beneath the helmet, shook his head. “No. Just a few times skating out on the pond.”

“Never with a stick?” I asked.

“Nope,” he replied instantly.

I sized him up. “And how old are you, bud?”

“I’m eight.” He gave me a smile, and I noticed his missing front teeth. I grinned, thinking he already looked the part of a hockey player.

It was the front half of July, and I ran some mental math on what birth year that would be. “Did you turn eight recently? Or are you going to be turning nine before Christmas?”

The answer to that question would determine whether he would get his start playing on half-ice as an under-eight player or on full ice as an under-ten player. It probably wouldn’t matter either way with the skill set this kid already had, never having formally played or received training.

“I turned eight a few months ago,” Knox answered.

That put him on half-ice. I might have to pull some strings, but I’d bet I could get him bumped up. There wouldn’t be much learned if he could skate around everyone in a small space.

“Are your parents here today? I’d like to talk to them after the session.”

Knox shook his head. “My grandma brought me.”

That wasn’t unusual. Most families needed both parents to work to keep the lights on.

“All right. Can you make sure your grandma waits until I make it out to the lobby so I can talk to her?” I asked.

“Sure.” He shrugged. He had no clue I was about to change his life.

“Good. I’ll see you later. Keep giving Beau a hard time, you hear?” I gave Beau a light push on the shoulder.

“Yes, sir!” Knox chirped, and Beau laughed in response.

The pair skated away, making the most of the remaining minutes of the free clinic. I only hoped this kid’s parents weren’t too proud to take my help. Maybe I could convince them that his natural talent was exceptional. Perhaps go so far as to say I saw a bit of myself in him.

Whatever it took, Knox deserved a chance to see how far he could go if given the proper resources.

You couldn’t teach talent like that. That kid belonged on the ice.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 5

Benji

“All right, we’re outta here.” Jaxon bent down to heft both his and Beau’s bags of gear onto his shoulder before clapping me on the back. “It’s been fun, but gotta get home to Nat and the rest of the gang.”

“Thanks for coming, man.” I reached out to tousle Beau’s mop of curly black hair. “You too, bud.”

Beau looked up with his big brown puppy-dog eyes. “I couldn’t find Knox. Can you tell him I said goodbye?”

My heart rate kicked up, and I scanned the lobby to find the boy with so much potential. If he’d already left, I would have to make a house call—that was the last thing I wanted to do today. The sooner I could beat it out of this place, the better.

Distracted, I replied, “Sure thing.”

Jaxon nudged me. “We’ll see you next week up at Cal’s place, yeah?”

“Yeah. Uh-huh.” I could barely hear him over my panic to locate Knox in the crowd.

Chuckling, he warned, “Try not to get into too much trouble on your own before then.”

I turned to glare at him. “Give me a little credit. It’s only a week.”

“Yeah, okay.” He scoffed. “Says the man who can get himself in hot water faster than anyone I’ve ever met. Remember that time in Vegas . . .” Jaxon glanced at Beau, mindful not to share more details.

“Yes, I remember Vegas,” I grumbled.

It had been my first year in the league and my first time in Vegas. I’d gotten a little overzealous, mistaking a hooker for a stripper, and when she suggested going back to my room, I’d been ecstatic. It had been half-decent sex, but when she put her clothes on and demanded two grand, I was shocked. Not having any cash on me, I had to call Jaxon and Cal to bail me out. Six years later, they hadn’t let me forget it.

“We can always wait an hour if you want to come back to Minnesota with us. We can fly out to Calgary together,” Jaxon offered.

“Nah. You enjoy your time with your family. It’s only a week.”

“If you say so.” Jaxon shrugged.

I was twenty-six now, and they still treated me like a kid. Granted, they were a bit older than me and I had been wild in my early days in the league, but I could handle myself. The way Jaxon was talking made it feel as though he thought I needed a babysitter in the offseason.

They left, and I worked my way through the mass of bodies littering the lobby. Some kids were still removing gear, others were running around or playing the few arcade games in the corner, and there was a line at concessions. Having played in my fair share of rinks, this was one of the smaller ones I’d visited, with only a single sheet of ice. Down near Detroit, there were some so large that they featured four sheets, plus a sports court for roller hockey.

Continuing my search for Knox, I realized that I had only seen part of his face with his helmet on. I remembered seeing darker blond hair, gray eyes, and a jack-o-lantern smile, but that could apply to a lot of kids, right? What if I’d already passed by and hadn’t recognized him?

“Coach B!” I heard a young voice shout.

Heaving a sigh, I mentally prepared for yet another kid to tug on my hand, wanting my attention. It had been happening all day.

Turning around, I was met with a face from my past. Standing behind Knox, with her hands on his shoulders, was the minister’s wife. When I’d lived in Wardale, I had seen her every Sunday for five years as I’d been dragged to church with the hopes that my wicked soul could be saved.

“Mrs. Mason?” I asked in disbelief.

She smiled back at me. “It’s nice to see you again, Benji. You’ve done well for yourself.”

Heat crept up my neck, and for some reason, I was embarrassed that I’d made it out of this town and had more money than I knew what to do with when so many here were struggling.

Averting my gaze, I replied, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Knox mentioned you wanted to talk to me?” Mrs. Mason’s voice had my head snapping up.

I glanced at the boy. “Is he your son?” It wouldn’t have been completely outrageous. She wasn’t quite fifty yet if memory served. Plenty of people had kids in their early forties.

A light laugh floated through the air. “Oh gracious, no. Knox is my grandson.”

Duh, he said his grandma brought him. Get it together. You see one person from Wardale, and you lose your damn mind.

The rational side of my mind kicked in, so I amended my question. “Oh, is this Pete’s boy?”

Pete Mason was only a couple of years older than me. A kid this age would have meant he became a father young, maybe twenty-ish, but that wasn’t unusual around here. People had nothing better to do than settle down and start popping out kids.

Mrs. Mason shook her head. “He’s Olivia’s.”

My heart stopped.

Liv.

I hadn’t thought about Liv in years. I hadn’t let myself.

There had been a time when she’d occupied every available space in my brain. I had left her behind with everything else in this godforsaken town, but I remembered the physical ache of not being able to bring her with me. We were both in high school. I was headed to live with a billet family hours away. It would never have worked.

Those first few weeks away had been torture without her. I’d laid awake at night, wishing I could call her. She had this uncanny ability to make me believe in myself when all I could do was foster doubt. The kids on the junior team had intimidated the hell out of me, and I knew if I could share my fears with her, she’d find a way to turn them around and force me to find the strength hidden deep within me.

As it was, I’d repeated words from our last conversation in my head for months.

Channel that cocky hockey boy you portray to the world and let him lead you where you were always meant to go.

Somewhere along the way, I became that cocky hockey boy instead of using the persona only as a mask, and the rest was history. My career took off, stealing my focus, and Liv had been locked away in a box with the rest of my past, forgotten.

I had thought of her only once since then, years ago, when I’d been with a particularly pear-shaped woman who reminded me of her. I figured she would have settled down with some guy who never had a dream of leaving Wardale. When I had known her, she’d been reserved—most people thought she was shy, but they didn’t know her like I did—but she had been fresh-faced and beautiful. Any idiot stuck in this place would have been lucky to have her.

My fists clenched as irrational anger surged through my veins, thinking about another man being with her. I had no right to her. It didn’t matter that I’d been her first and she’d been mine.

We had both moved on. Clearly, if she had a kid.

Remembering where I was, I focused on Knox before me. Without warning, reality crashed over me like a tidal wave.

The effortless skating on the ice.

Taking to the sport like a fish took to water without any previous experience.

Those gray eyes that had looked so familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why.

Suddenly, I knew why. Those were the same gray eyes that stared back at me every day in the mirror.

My mouth went dry, and I swallowed hard. My voice cracked as I asked, “How old did you say you were again, bud?”

Maybe it was all a coincidence. Maybe it wasn’t because he was my son.

Flashing me that toothy grin, Knox said loud and clear, “Eight.”

Eight. I’d left here nine years ago, and it didn’t take a mathematician to figure out that the timing lined up.

I’d always been careful, using protection no matter what, but there was exactly once in my entire life that I hadn’t, and I was staring at the living proof of that one time right now.

I scanned Knox from head to toe, almost as if seeing him again for the first time—and I was, through the eyes of a father rather than a stranger.

He’d gotten his hair color from Liv, but those eyes were all mine. He looked healthy and well-fed, and I thanked God for small favors. The idea of my child going hungry as I had growing up caused my heart to twist inside my chest. Like a typical kid, his bare legs below the hemline of his shorts showcased skinned knees. A corner of my lips quirked up—he looked like a tough kid.

“Benji? There was something you wanted to say?” Mrs. Mason’s soft voice snapped me out of my overview of my boy.

My boy. Holy shit.

My eyes met hers. Why wasn’t she berating me for leaving her daughter pregnant and alone at sixteen? Why wasn’t she demanding that I step up and provide for my son financially?

It was almost as if she didn’t know.

A seed of doubt grew in my mind. Had Liv told them someone else was the father? Was there another man raising my son as his own? My chest heaved at the thought of someone else claiming what was mine.

“Coach B?” Knox stared up at me and bit his lip, highlighting his nervousness about what I was going to say.

Fuck. How long had I been standing there silently raging over imagined scenarios in my mind?

Be fucking cool, man. Try not to act like your entire world just got flipped upside down.

“Uh, yeah.” I pulled on the back of my neck. “I only wanted to tell you that Knox has some real natural talent.” Yeah, no shit. He got that from me. “He was hands down one of the best kids out there. You should be proud.”

Mrs. Mason beamed down at her grandson with pride. “He’s an active one, that’s for sure. I don’t think we’ve found a sport he isn’t good at yet.” She chuckled. “Thank you for the kind words, but it’s time for us to get going. Knox, thank Benji for his generosity in hosting this free clinic so you could try hockey.”

Grinning up at me, Knox parroted, “Thank you, Coach B. I had a lot of fun.”

I reached out a hand to run it through his hair playfully as I had done to Beau not long ago, but halfway there, I dropped it, remembering my place.

“It was nice to meet you, Knox,” I said around the lump forming in my throat. He had no idea that our chance encounter would change our lives.

Watching them walk away, I sprang into action. A man on a mission, I searched out the rink manager who helped coordinate the clinic. Finding the girl breaking down a folding table she had set up to facilitate registration, I skidded to a stop.

“Excuse me.” My breath came out in short pants. “I was wondering if you had the permission slips. One of the kids I wanted to offer the scholarship to left before I could speak with his parents, and I wanted to give them a call.”

“Sure.” She smiled up at me. “They are in a pile on my desk in the office. If you can wait a few minutes, I can help you search for the one you need.”

I held up a hand. “No need. If you don’t mind, I can go look at them now by myself. I’m in a hurry.”

“Oh!” Her mouth formed a perfect little O. “Are you leaving already? I get off in half an hour if maybe you want to grab something to eat?”

After six years in the league, I was used to women coming on to me. Puck bunnies devoted their lives to bed-hopping with players. They knew there was no future but were down for a good fuck.

This girl was different. She’d been stuck in this small town her whole life and was looking for a ticket out. She would want the commitment, the happily ever after. Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t the domestic type.

I might need to re-evaluate that now that I was a dad.

Jesus. I’m a dad.

Giving her a small smile, I let her down easy. “Sorry, I’ve got a flight to catch. Can I go through those forms in the office?”

Disappointment flashed through her eyes, but she nodded. “Sure.” Handing me a key, she went back to work, breaking down after the event.

Striding to the small door labeled from the outside as the office, I turned the key into the lock, pushing the door open. Closing it behind me, I saw the stack of papers on the desk and sat down, rifling through them.

They weren’t organized in any particular order, so it took me a minute to locate Knox’s permission slip. But when I did find it, it stood out from all the rest.

The big, blocky handwriting made it apparent that he’d filled out the form himself. The only line touched by an adult was the looping signature of his parent: Olivia Mason.

I stared at the paper for a long time, processing the information it contained.

Name: Knox Benjamin Mason

Age: 8

Date of Birth: March 6

Those three lines confirmed what I’d already known. Knox was my son.

Liv and I had been intimate nine years ago, between June and July. Nine months from June was March. She’d even gone so far as to give him my name. Not the one that mattered the most, but my name, nonetheless.

And she hadn’t told me.

Shock turned to anger.

How dare she keep this from me? She knew how badly it had hurt me not to be wanted by my own father, and she’d let my son believe that his father wanted nothing to do with him?

Pulling out my phone, I took a picture of Knox’s form and bolted from the rink.

My knuckles were white with how tightly I gripped the rental car’s steering wheel as I passed the sign declaring I was entering Wardale. Today had gone completely off the rails. I’d gone into it thinking it would be a quick in-and-out, keeping my distance from the town I’d once called home. Now, here I was, willingly—depending on your definition of the word—walking right back through the front gates, where I couldn’t hide from the demons of my past.

After leaving the rink, I made a pit stop at the nearby motel where I had a room last night. Taking a cold shower, hoping it would cool the rage simmering beneath my skin, I was just as livid when I got in my car to head to Wardale as I was when I’d left the rink.

How could she do this to me? Keep me from my son for over eight years?

She certainly couldn’t play the didn’t-know-how-to-find-me card. My phone number hadn’t changed in all these years. My career had been well-documented, especially recently with the championship win.

It didn’t make sense. The Liv I knew wouldn’t do this.

There was only one way in and out of town, forcing me to drive past the fire station where I’d been dropped off sixteen years ago. Seeing that building had dark memories swirling around me.

I didn’t know if my dad was dead or alive—I’d put my bets on dead if he hadn’t come to me in all these years asking for money—and I didn’t care. The deadbeat couldn’t even be bothered to give me his last name.

Slamming the steering wheel with my hand, I screamed, “Fuck!”

Now, I had a son who didn’t carry my last name. And not because of any choice I’d made. That had been stolen from me along with the previous eight years of his life. I would never get that time back.

Turning right past Main Street, I found my way to the address listed on Knox’s permission slip, finally stopping at a tiny one-story house on the outskirts of town.

Jesus, this was where they were living? I made more money in a week than she probably did in a year, and she hadn’t come to me for help, not even for our son.

Air flew past my nostrils in sharp bursts as I tried to rein it in. I hated losing control and giving in to my anger. It made me feel like I was no better than him. Shane might have left my life, but it felt like he had a grip on me now and was taunting me through my uncontrollable rage. I’d spent years trying to tame it, and I had, until this moment.

No matter what I did, a red haze clouded everything I saw. The house, the shitty little car parked in the driveway, the bike lying on its side in the front yard.

I could sit here all day and never get a handle on it. The irony was that Liv used to be my calm, my salvation. Now, she was the source of my fury.

It didn’t matter when I confronted her about her deception. I would be filled with a resentment so deep that I wasn’t sure I could find a way past it.

Opening the car door, I walked up the rickety little steps to the small porch. Raising my fist, there was a moment of hesitation. Running a hand through my still-damp hair, I forced myself to knock. Taking a step back, I waited for whomever was home to open the door.

So help me God, it better not be another man.

When the door opened and the girl I’d kept stashed hidden away in the back of my mind for the past nine years stood before me—now grown into a woman—the red haze surrounding my vision almost cleared.

Almost.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 6

Liv

Sitting at the kitchen table, I tried to make sense of the numbers on the paper clutched in my shaking hands. Opening bills was never fun, but finding my electric bill to be up two hundred dollars from what I’d expected it to be had me in a panic.

Normally, I would have some funds saved up and could handle the unexpected expense. But having to front the money for Knox’s summer camps meant we had to watch every penny for the next couple of months until I could build back up our reserves. Then it would get depleted again for Christmas, then Knox’s birthday. It was a vicious, never-ending cycle.

I didn’t understand how the cost of our electricity usage had doubled. We didn’t even have air conditioning, and Knox spent all his free time outdoors.

How was I going to make this work? I hated asking my parents for financial help. I had a good job. I took care of Knox all on my own and had for years now. But even if I picked up overtime at the hospital, it would require more reliance on my parents. And they’d ask questions as to why I needed the overtime.

I knew one thing: I’d rather ask my parents for help than cancel one of Knox’s camps. I would take the hit to my pride before I let him feel the effects of our tight money situation.

Staring at the bill, I heard the screen door bang shut, signaling Knox’s arrival home for the day. I hadn’t seen him since I’d left for work last night after dinner.

My mind was still racing, trying to figure out how to pull together the extra money and keep our lights on as he bounded into the kitchen. “Hey, Mom!”

He hugged me where I sat. His warm body gave me comfort, but there was a familiar stench about him, and my nose wrinkled. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was a unique smell. One I was sure I’d encountered before. But not on Knox.

“You stink, squirt!” I said as I delicately tried to extricate myself from his smelly body. “Why don’t you hop in the bath real quick?”

“Okay, Mom.” He made his way to the full bath situated between our two bedrooms.

The sound of rushing water echoed off the shower tiles and filtered into the kitchen as he’d left the door open. I rubbed my temples. I was getting a stress-induced headache, and the extra noise wasn’t helping.

I stood up to close the door, confident he could clean himself. Knox caught sight of me in the doorway, and I knew I’d made a mistake.

His eyes lit up, and he began to launch into a rapid-fire account of his day. “Mom! I made a new friend today!”

“Oh, did you now?” I asked, resigning myself to being subjected to the excited chatter of an eight-year-old. This was parenthood—setting aside your own needs for those of your child.

I sat on the closed lid of the toilet and settled in to hear all about Knox and his new friend. Droplets of water landed on me as he nodded vigorously. “His name is Beau. He’s six, but he’s turning seven this month. He was good, but I was better. Coach B said I was a natural. Coach J, Beau’s dad, said so, too!”

Wherever he had gone today, it was clear he’d had a great time. “That’s awesome, bud.”

“Beau said he wanted me to come to Minnesota to visit him. Can I?”

Minnesota? How was a kid he’d met today at a camp from two states away? Maybe they were new to town and Knox had misunderstood that Minnesota was where his new friend used to live. “Um, probably not, honey. Minnesota is far.”

Knox pushed out his lower lip in a pout. “He said they were having a big party, and he wanted me to come.” The sadness in his voice broke my heart.

“I’m sorry, Knox. It’s not going to work out. Maybe you’ll see him again, and I can talk to his mom about setting up a playdate,” I offered.

He pounded two fists into the full tub, causing water to splash onto the walls and in my face. “No, Mom! I won’t see him again! Not if we don’t go!”

My boy was sweet ninety-nine percent of the time, but the other one percent—like the moment I just witnessed—his temper flared. It was hard to be eight and not have the freedom to do what you wanted all the time. I was twenty-five, and I still didn’t have that freedom.

“I know you’re upset.” I kept my tone calm to try and soothe his anger. “But even if we could go, I don’t have enough details to make it happen. I don’t know exactly where Beau lives or even his last name. How would I find out when this party was?”

Knox sighed, defeated. “I guess so. I really liked him, Mom.”

I reached over to grab the shampoo bottle before pouring some into my hand and working it into his hair. As my fingers massaged his scalp, I felt the tension leaving his tiny body.

Just as he became putty in my hands, a knock sounded at the door. I blew out a breath. Who in the world could that be? My mom had just dropped Knox off, and Pete would walk right in. I wasn’t in any mood for a door-to-door salesman. Not today.

Dipping my hands into the water to wash off the suds covering them, I said to Knox, “Rinse off and then do your body. I’ll go answer the door and be right back, okay?”

“All right, Mom.” Knox dipped his head back into the water, letting the streams of bubbles float away from his soapy head.

Drying my hands on the hem of my shirt, I stood and walked to the door. Twisting the knob, I pulled it open, ready to politely decline any type of sale pitch awaiting me on the other side, but my breath caught in my throat when I saw the man standing there through the screen door.

“Benji,” I breathed, almost unable to believe my eyes. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.

Nope, he was really there.

The man on the other side of the door was equal parts stranger and familiar. The Benji I knew was a boy, but the version of him standing before me was very much a man. Even if I hadn’t been keeping tabs on him for the past nine years, the storm gray eyes—hardened like steel—staring back at me would have been a dead giveaway. They were eyes I couldn’t forget, not when I saw them every day when I looked at my son—our son.

Benji hadn’t gained any height since the last time I saw him, but he’d filled out everywhere else. Biceps bulged where they were pinned across his chest, and khaki shorts hugged his impressively toned thighs.

His hair was different. Still the same chestnut color threaded with auburn highlights, it was no longer wild. Cut shorter on the sides and longer on top, it was swept away from his face, allowing the sharp planes residing there to stand out—they were especially prominent with how his jaw was tightly clenched. That same jaw was lined with a five o’clock shadow I knew from pictures was a permanent fixture on his face.

There was only one reason Benji would be standing on my front porch. Somehow, he knew about Knox. My day of reckoning was here.

Benji raised an eyebrow at my silence. “Surprised to see me, Liv?” Add a deepened voice to the growing list of differences from the teenage version of the man standing before me.

My stomach churned, and I pressed a hand against it, attempting to keep the nausea at bay. I would never be ready for this conversation, but there was no hiding now. Not when our little boy was not even thirty feet away.

I nodded slowly. “Um, a little. It’s been a long time. Wha-what are you doing here?”

Eyes narrowed, the hard look on his face had me taking a step back. Benji’s voice was low and lethal as he replied, “Do you know how embarrassing it is when you find out the kid you’re about to offer a full-ride hockey scholarship is your own fucking son?”

I knew he’d discovered the truth, but nothing could have prepared me to hear him say the words out loud. I suddenly felt lightheaded, and I grasped the doorjamb for support.

“Hockey? Is that where he was today?”

The pieces clicked into place. The smell on Knox that I couldn’t quite place was the same one I’d caught traces of on Benji because he couldn’t always completely scrub off the scent of sweaty gear. The Coach B he’d mentioned in the bath had to be Benji. And if the other coach—his new friend, Beau’s dad—was one of his professional friends, the story about a party in Minnesota made sense.

“You didn’t even know where he was?” Benji’s voice rose in volume.

Snapping out of my shock, I pushed through the screen door and snagged Benji’s wrist, pulling him to the far side of the small, covered porch.

“Keep your voice down,” I hissed. Taking a deep breath, I explained, “I work nights, okay? My mom helps me out sometimes.”

Storm clouds gathered in the depths of Benji’s gray eyes. “Oh, I know. I spoke to your mother today.”

My eyes widened, and I squeaked out, “You talked to my mom?”

Placing a hand on either side of my head, caging me in against the siding of the house, he leaned in close. “Imagine my surprise when I asked if Knox was Pete’s kid, only for her to tell me that he belonged to her dear, sweet, never-stepped-a-toe-out-of-line Olivia. It wasn’t hard to figure it out. Especially not when I had a little peek at not only his full name but his date of birth. And that was if I could forget that he’s got my eyes and skating skills.”

“Benji, I—”

“Coach B!” Knox’s excited voice came from the vicinity of the front door.

I squeezed my eyes shut. The reality of seeing them together was too overwhelming. “Benji, please,” I whispered, pleading with him, even though he owed me nothing.

“There’s my favorite little hockey superstar.” Benji’s voice changed from one of anger and loathing to one of kindness and joy. The switch was so shocking, it made my eyes snap open to find Benji had removed one hand from the wall beside my head and had turned to face his son.

“I dropped by to tell your mom how great you did today,” he explained. “I wanted to get her permission to get you on the ice more.”

Knox jumped up and down, his wet hair flopping in his face, unable to contain his enthusiasm at the idea. “Oh, pleeeeease, Mom? I had so much fun today!”

This was all too much, and my brain was overloaded. “Um. We’ll talk about it. Okay, squirt?”

“We’ll talk about it” usually meant no in Knox’s life, and his face fell. Looking down at his feet, I could tell he was trying to hold back the tears. It would seem hockey was ingrained in his DNA, and he’d already fallen in love with it. I had a feeling that if I let him continue down this path, it was a very real possibility that I would lose both the boys I’d ever loved to the sport.

Sniffling, he nodded. “Okay.” Withdrawing back through the screen door, he disappeared without saying another word to Benji.

Daring to glance back up at Benji, he was still staring at where Knox had fled. He shook his head, still not looking me in the eye. “He obviously doesn’t know about me, but does anyone else? Your mom didn’t seem to have any idea. Either that or she’s a hell of an actress.”

I took in a shaky breath before replying, “No one.”

He took a step back from me, finally giving me room to breathe. Leaning against the railing, he raked a hand across his jaw, the sound of his palm against the stubble there reaching my ears.

Staring at me, his gray gaze pierced straight through to my soul. “Why?”

Crossing my arms, I replied, “Come on, Benji. If anyone had a clue you were Knox’s father, they would have driven down to Detroit and dragged you back by the ear. It would have been akin to a witch hunt. It was better this way.”

“Better.” He scoffed.

“Yes, better,” I said again with conviction. “You wouldn’t have been able to outrun the pitchforks. You know how this town is. They’d have had me trussed up for a shotgun wedding before you even made it back.”

Benji threw his arms out. “So, who do they think is his father?”

I mentally braced for more anger directed my way. “No one.”

He snorted. “Oh, come on. I know this entire town makes it to church every Sunday, but don’t tell me they bought the whole immaculate conception bit.”

Rolling my eyes, I clarified, “That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, enlighten me then, Olivia.” I flinched at the use of my legal name—a name Benji had never called me before today.

“Look, when I showed up with Knox, there were, of course, questions. But I remained tight-lipped, refusing to name his father.”

Benji’s face transformed into one of confusion. “What does that mean? ‘Showed up with Knox’?”

Inhaling deeply, I explained, “I hid my pregnancy. No one knew until after he was born.”

His jaw dropped, and he stared at me in disbelief. Taking a moment to recover from that bombshell, he breathed out, “Jesus, Liv. You take doing it on your own to a whole new level.”

“I was afraid. Afraid my parents would pressure me into giving him up. Afraid of the gossip around town. Afraid of so many things . . .” My voice trailed off.

Steering the conversation back on track, he asked, “Outside of this town, someone has to know, right? There are legal records.”

God, he was going to be so mad. I shook my head. “There’s no one listed on his birth certificate.”

“No one . . .” It took a moment for that news to sink in, and when it did, his face morphed into one of unbridled fury. Every tendon along his neck stood out, and his fists clenched so tightly that each knuckle turned white. “How could you do this to me? And not just me, to Knox?” he growled.

Tears burned behind my eyes, but I held them at bay. I would not cry in front of him. Even with him standing here now, I didn’t regret my decision. How could I when I’d watched from afar as he’d made his every dream come true?

I swallowed before speaking. “Do you remember what I told you the night before you left?”

Benji’s eyes widened. “You knew then?” Hands moving to his head, he gripped two fistfuls of hair and pulled. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me? I assumed you found out after I left. But you looked me right in the eye when I told you I was leaving and said nothing!”

Taking a calming breath, I tried again. “Do you remember or not?”

“It was a long time ago, Liv. Why don’t you remind me,” he snarled.

“I told you that everything I did would be out of . . .” I dropped my eyes. It was too difficult to say it when I was looking at him.

“Spit it out.” The tone in Benji’s voice betrayed that he was losing his patience.

“Love,” I whispered so low I wasn’t sure if he heard me.

“No.” That one word said so forcefully had my eyes snapping up. Benji shook his head for emphasis once he was certain he had my attention. “This isn’t how you treat people you claim to love.”

I needed him to understand. “Benji, think about it. What would have happened if I’d told you that night?”

That stunned him enough that he struggled to respond. “I . . . I don’t know.”

“But I do know,” I said softly. “You wouldn’t have gone. You would have thrown away the chance at everything you’ve accomplished since then for that little boy inside. And I couldn’t let you do that. So, I took care of it—took care of him—myself. I did what I had to do. For both of you. Even if you hate me for it now, I would do it all over again.”

Benji sighed. “I still don’t understand. Why didn’t you come to me at some point? When I could take care of you? At the very least, I owed you child support. You’re working nights, Liv? And living in a tiny house with a beat-up car?”

My hackles raised. “Hey. Don’t tear down what I’ve worked so hard for. I own this house, and I own that car. I’m proud to put a roof over our son’s head, so don’t make me feel bad about it.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant I could have helped you. Made things a little easier for you both.”

I scoffed. “We’re doing just fine, thank you very much. And if you must know, I didn’t need myself or Knox being on the cover of the tabloids. It was bad enough your face was plastered all over them with a different woman hanging off you in each picture. Our lives went in different directions. You weren’t living a life I was comfortable bringing Knox into.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make!” he roared, his temper finally getting the better of him. “I missed eight years. Eight fucking years, Liv. And he doesn’t even know I exist!”

“Isn’t it better he not know you at all than to have you walk into his life and leave again?” I challenged.

Those silver eyes flared. “Who said anything about leaving? You are sorely mistaken if you think I’m leaving him here with you.”

Suddenly, an elephant was sitting on my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. “What?”

Pushing off the railing, Benji headed for the car parked behind mine in the driveway, tossing over his shoulder, “You’ll be hearing from my lawyers, Liv.”

Speechless, I watched him lower his body into the sedan before driving off. When he was finally out of sight, my legs collapsed, and I slid down the side of the house until my butt hit the ground. Involuntary tremors racked my body as the finality of his words sank in.

Benji had the resources to rip Knox from my life. And he was just pissed off enough to do it. I wouldn’t be able to fight him. I’d end up in debt only to lose.

For the first time in nine years, I was truly facing the consequences of my actions when it came to keeping Knox’s paternity a secret from everyone, including the man who’d fathered him.

What was I going to do now?

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 7

Benji

Walking into the run-down motel room—after throwing cash at the front desk to pay for another week in advance—I slammed the door behind me. I wasn’t any less angry than when I’d left this room hours ago. I had some answers, but they only served to ratchet up my rage.

It didn’t matter that the moment I saw her moss-green eyes again for the first time in nearly a decade, it’d been as if no time had passed.

It didn’t matter that her ass was somehow even more luscious and mouthwateringly round than the last time I’d seen her.

It didn’t matter that without a stitch of makeup on her face, she’d grown into the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

It didn’t matter that she’d sacrificed her future so that I could pursue my career.

And it didn’t matter that I’d never seen myself having kids.

All that mattered right now was that she had kept my son from me and, apparently, planned to continue doing so for the foreseeable future.

Pain pierced my heart, remembering how sad Knox was when she’d told him she would have to think about letting him spend more time on the ice—with me. How often was she forced to tell him no because money was tight?

“Fuck!” I roared, punching the wall.

The drywall yielded immediately, leaving a hole, but my fist remained surprisingly unscathed. Probably the only time in my life I’d be thankful for cheap construction and thin walls.

I had more money than I knew what to do with, and my kid was suffering.

That ended today.

Grabbing my phone, I hit the top number on my speed dial, putting it on speaker while it rang.

“There’s my favorite client. Early reports say the clinic was a huge PR success! A few online news sites are already running stories.” The voice that answered belonged to my agent, Stephanie Hendrix.

“That’s nice,” I replied before getting to the reason for my call. “I need the number of the best family lawyer you can find.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. When she finally found her voice, her tone betrayed that she’d been waiting for this day. “Fuck, Benj. Do you know how much this is going to cost you?”

I collapsed onto the bed, wary of any suspicious-looking stains. I’d stayed in enough places like this growing up to know that most of them had seen more than their fair share of drug deals and prostitution rings.

“Won’t affect your cut,” I muttered. “Just get me the name of that lawyer. Today.”

Stephanie’s deep breath was audible. “Let’s slow it down for a minute. The first thing we need to do is make sure there’s a paternity test. Maybe it’s not yours. Wouldn’t be the first time a money-hungry bunny tried to trap a player.”

My head dropped into my hands, and I groaned. “It’s not like that, Steph. She kept the kid from me. She could have come to me at any time if she wanted money, but she didn’t. You should see the tiny fucking house they’re living in.”

There was skepticism in her voice over the phone. “Maybe it’s just a game she’s playing. How can you be sure without a paternity test?”

“Because I’ve fucking seen him, Steph!” I roared. “He not only has my eyes, he has my skills on the ice. And he had no clue who I was, even when I spoke right to him. If that’s not enough for you, he’s eight. He was conceived before I started with the junior team.”

“Shit,” Stephanie breathed out.

“This isn’t a money grab. When I showed up at her front door today, she looked like she’d seen a ghost. I don’t think she expected to ever see me again. Fuck, if you and Tracy hadn’t cooked up this idea and forced me to come up here, I might’ve never known. As it stands, it was pure dumb luck that he attended the clinic.”

“Okay,” she finally conceded. “I’ll see what I can dig up in terms of a lawyer.”

“The best,” I reiterated. “Money is no object.”

“I’ll get it done. Try not to do anything stupid in the meantime.”

I scoffed. “Like what?”

“You see it all the time on the news—one parent who doesn’t have custody taking the kid, and then there’s an Amber Alert. We will get this figured out. But even I know it’s going to take time. So, prepare yourself for that.”

“Fine.” I sighed. “Nothing stupid.”

“Good. Hopefully, I can have a name for you by the end of the night.”

“Get it done, Steph,” I barked out and hung up the phone before she could say another word.

One thing she’d said stood out amongst the rest. It was going to take time to settle the situation with Knox.

I’d meant what I said to Liv before I left. I wasn’t leaving Knox here. I didn’t give a fuck that he didn’t know I was his dad. The thought of leaving him behind brought on a visceral reaction. My deadbeat dad hadn’t given two shits about me, but it still hurt when he decided he was done with me. And Wardale was the scene of the crime. It would haunt my nightmares to know I had done the same thing to my son. I couldn’t do it.

That meant I was stuck here. At least until we sorted everything out. If Liv had been so protective as to keep his existence from me, she sure as hell wouldn’t give him up easily now.

Reclining against the headboard, I knew my summer of fun was officially on hold. I guess it was true what they said: becoming a parent meant putting your child’s needs before your own. Right now, Knox needed me here, so that’s where I would stay.

Picking up my phone, I pulled up the group chat with Jaxon and Cal. With how much had transpired in the past few hours, it felt like a lifetime ago since I’d seen Jaxon at the rink. He probably was already home by now, with his wife and kids enjoying their perfect lake view, blissfully happy with the domestic life.

I was due to join everyone in less than a week in Calgary for Cal’s celebration. Even if I remained optimistic about the legal battle before me, it wouldn’t be settled in a week. Who knew if it would be by the end of the month when I was due in Minnesota for Jaxon’s day.

Blowing out a breath, I forced myself to type out the words.

Something came up, guys.

Jaxon: *Groans* Is this one of those juvenile jokes where I ask what, and you say, your dick?

Shut up. This is serious.

Jaxon: Look, man, I don’t know what to tell you. Just follow the instructions on the box. If the erection lasts more than four hours, seek medical care.

Jesus, when had Jaxon taken up the role of the funny guy?

Are you done yet?

Jaxon: I better not regret this. What’s up?

I’m out for the summer.

Jaxon: Out? What does that mean?

I have to bail on your guys’ parties. I’m sorry. Like I said, something came up.

Jaxon: I saw you three hours ago. What could have come up? You’re starting to scare me, man. Anything I can help with? Say the word. You know I’ve got your back.

I paused momentarily, thinking about letting Jaxon know what was going on.

Charlie, his three-year-old daughter, was a happy accident for him, even if it hadn’t been for Natalie at the time—he’d been obsessed with her for years, but she was newly divorced and not looking to jump into another relationship. So, he would understand what I was dealing with, having a child with a woman I wasn’t exactly involved with, even if we had a history. Sure, Knox was eight when I found out instead of when Liv was pregnant, but Jaxon had to fight to be involved in his child’s life, just as I would now.

Then, I remembered that Jaxon had kept Charlie a secret until after she was born. He hadn’t trusted us enough to share the biggest part of his life, even if we could see the physical and emotional toll it was taking on him at the time. He’d shut us out, even going so far as to push us away when we asked what was going on.

Cal was another story. He hadn’t made one peep in our group text, too caught up in his own drama to care about anyone else’s. Who knows if anyone would have found out about his relationship with Hannah if circumstances had been different? Jaxon had known what was happening, but I’d found out with the rest of the team, including Coach. Finding out about Jaxon’s prior knowledge had hit me like a stab of betrayal. I’d thought we were close, but I guess being the last bachelor meant they didn’t feel like I could handle issues pertaining to relationships. I might not want one myself, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be supportive of my buddies when they needed me.

Sometimes, I felt like an outsider, the little brother, and it stung.

The phone buzzed in my hand with an additional incoming text.

Jaxon: Benji? Are you still there? Are you okay?

Maybe I was being petty, but the thought crossed my mind that if they didn’t want to share their secrets with me, why should I share mine with them? Making up my mind to keep my business to myself, I typed a reply.

I’m fine. Nothing to worry about. Sorry again.

I muted the chat. It wasn’t in Jaxon’s nature to let it rest, and I needed to focus on Knox and how I was going to get him out of this shitty little town.

Instead of a short buzz for a text, my phone vibrated incessantly, indicating an incoming call. I groaned, ready to hit decline, when I saw it was Tracy, my publicist.

Hitting the green button to accept, she didn’t wait for me to greet her before yelling, “A kid, Benji?!”

Lifting my head, I banged it back against the headboard hard. These women were relentless. I might not have had parents to warn me about the consequences of unprotected sex. Still, Stephanie and Tracy had drilled it into my brain, showing me examples of the financial hit other athletes had taken when they weren’t careful.

I’d been smart, and I had been safe. Except for once. The night Liv and I had lost our virginities to each other. Somehow, it had escalated to the point of no return, and she’d begged me for more, to provide her with the physical connection we both were desperate for. You didn’t have to ask a seventeen-year-old boy twice.

It had been quick, almost embarrassingly so, and awkward as hell since it hurt for her, but fuck if I didn’t remember how incredible it’d felt, feeling her warmth surrounding me, hugging me tightly.

The very next day, I bought a box of condoms. I knew now that it had been too little, too late.

Now, we had Knox. Even if I was so angry at Liv for keeping him from me that I could scream, I couldn’t deny he was the most perfect thing I’d ever seen. Was this what they meant about falling in love with your child at first sight? It had to be because I was ready to burn down the world for that boy.

“Hello? Benji?” Tracy’s voice snapped me from my trip down memory lane.

Closing my eyes, I replied, “Yeah, I’m here.”

“Would you care to tell me what happened?” I could literally picture the look of disappointment on her face, accompanied by crossed arms, waiting for an explanation.

“Trace, it’s not what you think,” I began.

“Oh, please tell me, what am I thinking?” Annoyance colored her words. Yeah, telling a woman what they were thinking was always a bad idea.

“I haven’t been careless, I promise. The one time in my whole life I didn’t use protection resulted in a pregnancy. I mean, what are the odds? It was both of our first times, too. She didn’t tell me, Tracy. She knew when I left, and she didn’t say a word. Now, I have an eight-year-old son who doesn’t know who I am to him.” I sighed. I knew this was a public relations mess that Tracy would be forced to clean up for me.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do.” Tracy’s tone was all business. She was ready to get to work. “We get ahead of this story before anyone else can find out. I’ve got the perfect headline: Surprise for the Sniper. The media will eat it up. Poor Benji Mills only wants to be a doting father but wasn’t given the chance to know his son. We paint you as the victim, and you come out smelling like a rose. It sure beats looking like an idiot who let teenage hormones get the best of him.”

I couldn’t even be mad at her for that last comment because it was true. My brain had been utterly devoid of blood to make sound decisions that night. But there were two of us there, and we’d both made the decision to take the risk.

“No,” I said.

“No, to which part?”

“We aren’t going to throw his mother under the bus.” I might want to strangle her for costing me eight years with Knox, but I couldn’t throw her to the wolves. No one deserved that.

“Why not?” Tracy challenged.

“Because I said so,” I gritted out. Had she forgotten she worked for me?

She sighed. “Listen, Benji. We need to put a positive spin on this. Otherwise, the press will have a field day.”

“He’s my son, not a fucking headline!” I exploded, seeing red for the second time that day. “He doesn’t even know about me yet. I won’t have the vultures descending upon this town and throwing his life into chaos.”

“I get it, I do. But what happens in the meantime if someone finds out? It’s better to get ahead of this than to play damage control later.”

I replied, “If no one has figured it out in the past eight years, I’m not too worried about getting through the next few weeks.”

She countered, “You weren’t there all those years. Seeing the two of you together could spark recognition.”

“I’m willing to take that chance. You hold off on anything until I say. Do you understand?” There was an edge to my voice so she’d know I meant business.

“Fine,” Tracy grumbled. “I hope you don’t come to regret this.”

“Oh, I have plenty of regrets,” I muttered dryly before ending the call.

As much as they were on my last nerve right now, Steph and Tracy were the driving force behind getting me back up here. I might never have learned about Knox if they hadn’t pushed it so hard. I owed them a “thank you” instead of barking orders at them. I’d apologize later, once I had the situation under control—my way.

Fuck, this was such a mess.

The family lawyer Stephanie had found was the best. His success rate in winning custody was impressive, but he had taken the time to explain how I was fighting an uphill battle.

I wasn’t on Knox’s birth certificate, and the only way to have myself listed as his father at this late stage was the paternity test Stephanie had been adamant about. I had no doubts that he was my son, and putting him through that could be mentally traumatizing. I didn’t want him to feel unwanted or think I was looking for a way out. We had to start our relationship off on the right foot.

Without confirmed paternity or being named as his father on any legal document, Liv held all the power. Hell, she couldn’t even come after me for child support—not that she wanted it—unless it was proven that I was, in fact, his father.

How was she happy living in that little house? How was she dealing with childcare working nights? How was she handling the food needs of a growing boy?

I couldn’t understand why she didn’t want my help. I understood being proud, but Knox was my son—if I could ease her burden and help improve his life, she should let me.

The lawyer told me that my best bet would be to sit down with my child’s mother and try to figure out a scheduled visitation at the very least. Building trust was vital if I wanted to push for even partial custody.

Was that what I wanted? Partial or full custody of my eight-year-old son? How would that even work?

My life was in Connecticut when all he’d ever known was this tiny town in rural Michigan. If we split custody, how would that work for his schooling? An even split would never work. If I took full custody, would he resent me for taking him from a mother he loved? And how would I take care of him when I was on the road half the time? Most guys on the team with kids had a partner at home to hold down the fort when we traveled. What would I do with Knox? Hire a nanny?

My head hurt trying to figure out the different possible scenarios, and I forced myself to take a step back.

The first step was getting to know my son. We had a lot of lost time to make up for.

That required getting past Liv, which wouldn’t be easy after I’d lost my cool showing up on her doorstep without warning and berating her for keeping Knox a secret. And that was before I had threatened her with legal action. I was probably the last person she wanted to talk to right now, but I had to try. For Knox.

A little internet search told me she worked at a hospital in St. Ignace. So, after a little drive past her house at 6 AM to confirm her car wasn’t there, I drove the half hour to the hospital to wait for her on the shift change. We needed to have this conversation away from Knox.

Nothing like bargaining for a little time with your son first thing in the morning. Who wouldn’t want to start their day prepared to go into battle?

I would do whatever it took. I would find a way to be a part of Knox’s life.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 8

Liv

Tonight was slow on the floor, but even if I’d wanted to, I couldn’t sleep with the shadow of Benji hanging over me.

It had been three days since he’d threatened me with his lawyers. And for three days, I’d been an absolute mess, waiting to be served with papers. My secret was out, and it wouldn’t be long before everyone else knew the truth about Benji being Knox’s father.

Knox was who I was most worried about. He didn’t deserve to be ripped from the only home he’d ever known or thrown into the middle of a nasty custody battle. I wanted to surround him with bubble wrap to protect him from the harsh reality that his father was a powerful man, driven by a need to win—no matter the collateral damage.

Couldn’t he see that I’d worked my ass off to provide for our son? It wasn’t up to the rich lifestyle that Benji was used to now, but it was more than enough in Wardale. We weren’t the worst off in town by any means. Knox was fed, clothed, and loved. Didn’t that count for something?

It was undoubtedly better than Benji’s situation at that age.

Knox had a stable home life, and he was happy. Sure, having air conditioning would be nice, or the funds to splurge on eating out or going to a movie occasionally, but those were luxuries, not necessities.

I put our son first. There was always food on the table, gifts under the tree on Christmas, and camps to attend in the summer. Knox had always been the priority. So what if that meant wearing the same clothes I’d had for years? Who did I have to impress?

Walking out of the hospital so tired that my eyes were sore, I rubbed them, trying to jolt myself awake enough to drive home. When I pulled my hands away, I was met with the vision of Benji leaning against my car. Blinking, I rubbed at them again.

God, I must be really tired if I’m hallucinating.

Opening my eyes, fully expecting the apparition of Benji to be gone, I jumped back in surprise to find him standing right before me, less than two feet away.

Throwing a hand to my chest, trying to calm my racing heart, I breathed out, “Jeez, Benji. Are you trying to kill me?”

Tilting his head, a corner of his lips quirked up. “You looked like you had that covered well enough on your own, standing in the middle of a parking lot with your eyes closed.”

Smartass.

I’d been so caught off guard when he first appeared that I hadn’t noticed he looked more boyish today, dressed in a T-shirt and athletic shorts, a ballcap atop his head. He was a far cry from the angry man who had blamed me for keeping him from his son. He reminded me more of the kind teenager I had fallen in love with.

Snap out of it, Liv. He wants to take Knox from you.

Glaring at him, I crossed both arms over my chest. “What are you doing here? No, let me rephrase that. How did you know to find me here?”

“I have my ways.” He shrugged unapologetically.

“Yeah, I bet you do,” I muttered under my breath. “What do you want, Benji?”

Shoving both hands into his shorts pockets, he rocked back on his heels. “I was hoping to take you to breakfast. We need to talk. Alone.”

Great. He was coming at me when I wasn’t running on all cylinders. This was a recipe for disaster.

But he was right. We did need to have a conversation where Knox wouldn’t have a chance of overhearing.

Shoulders drooping, I gave in. “Fine. There’s a little diner a couple of blocks from here.”

He gestured to my right. “My car’s over this way. I’ll drive.”

The way he said it like a command instead of a request put me on the defensive. I was sure it was a taste of what was to come in our conversation about Knox and him telling me how it was going to play out.

I reached for my keys. “I can drive myself. I’ll meet you there.”

Before I could blink, the keys were snatched from my hand. Benji’s face hardened, and he gritted out, “Over my dead body.”

Huffing in frustration, I asked, “Is this how it’s going to go? You think you can tell me what to do? I’m not one of the simpering fools you’ve surrounded yourself with these past few years. I can take care of myself.”

Mention of other women had the desired effect, causing Benji to stumble back as if struck before he softened. “Liv, you’re dead on your feet. It would be reckless to get behind the wheel right now. Maybe some food will help wake you up, but you’ll be lucky if I let you drive home at this rate.”

I was a calm person, but for some reason, Benji thinking he knew what was best for me—or Knox, for that matter—had my temper flaring.

“Let me?!” My voice was shrill enough that even I winced hearing it.

Benji wasn’t deterred, determined to drive his point home. “You heard me. I’m not about to let you get yourself or someone else killed. Knox needs his mom.”

Dammit. He had a point. Losing his own mom had led to him spending years being abused by his dad before being abandoned in Wardale. She might have been addicted to drugs, but she’d been better than the man who had beaten him down and stolen his sense of self-worth. It had taken years to come out from beneath the damage his father had done to his psyche.

The thought of losing Knox to Benji terrified me, but the idea that Knox could lose me was paralyzing.

Rolling my eyes, not letting him get off too easily, I replied. “Lead the way.”

Pocketing my keys, he seemed satisfied enough for me to follow him to the same sedan I’d seen him drive the day he came to my house. Pulling out my phone, I quickly texted my mom, letting her know I would be a little late, citing a work emergency.

Benji held the passenger door open, and I dropped onto the leather seat, my body instantly relaxing. What kind of sorcery was this? The seat practically molded to my body, giving my sore lower back the perfect support it needed. It suddenly made sense why people tried to hold onto the finer things once they’d gotten a taste for them. How was I going to go back to sitting in the broken-in cloth seats that hurt my butt by the time I made it home from the hospital because the cushioning was compressed down to the frame?

Closing me in, he rounded the back of the car and slid into the driver’s seat. Posture relaxed with one hand on the wheel, he looked to me for directions. Telling him to take a right out of the parking lot and that it was four blocks down the street on the left, I closed my eyes, resting them for a moment.

“Liv.” I felt a nudge on my shoulder.

“Mmph. Leave me alone,” I whined.

“Yeah, you weren’t too tired to drive.” The sarcasm reached my ears, and I remembered where I was and whom I was with.

Grudgingly, I forced my eyes open. Only to find myself staring right at Benji’s smug face.

“It’s not nice to gloat,” I grumbled, reaching for the door handle, noticing we’d arrived at our destination, Cathy’s Lakeside Diner.

Benji didn’t say another word as he exited the car, beating me to the diner door and holding it open for me. I mumbled a thank-you, walking inside ahead of him.

Cathy’s was a family affair, and I’d been coming here occasionally over the past few years of working at UP Gen. Cathy’s granddaughter, Vicky, was behind the counter and smiled when she recognized me. “Hey there! Take any seat you like. I’ll be over in a few with menus and to take your drink orders.”

Walking to a booth in the corner, I slid onto the worn, cracked vinyl seat. Benji sat opposite me, a frown on his face.

“What?” I sighed.

“Please, let me drive you home. You didn’t make it four blocks without falling asleep.”

The worry etched on his face would have been enough for me to immediately cave, but I was angry at him, too. He’d put me through hell these past few days as I waited for the guillotine to fall and sever me from my child.

“And whose fault is that?” I hissed.

Benji’s eyebrows rose. “I’m confused. How is it my fault you work nights?” Pausing, he amended, “You know what? In your mind, it probably is. If I’d worn protection, we wouldn’t have Knox and you could work regular hours. I get it.”

Narrowing my eyes, I seethed, “No, it’s not because I work nights. It’s because someone came to my house and threatened to take my son away from me. Someone who has enough resources to make it happen. In case you haven’t figured it out, that someone was you.”

Raking a hand over his jaw, Benji closed his eyes for a moment before giving me that stormy gaze. “Shit. I was so angry I could hardly see straight, Liv. Put yourself in my shoes for a minute. I’d just found out I had a son. I felt betrayed by someone who had once claimed to care deeply about me. Worse, I felt she deemed me unworthy of being a father. It’s not like I had the best role model. I thought maybe she was scared I might turn into him, that I might hurt our child.”

Wringing my hands beneath the table, I countered, “And taking him from the only parent he’s ever known won’t hurt him? That’s what you said you wanted.”

Before he could respond, Vicky stopped by the table, slipping a couple of laminated menus onto the table and taking our drink order. Benji and I stared at each other in silence, the truth of my words hanging in the air, as Vicky returned with a hot cup of tea for me and a coffee for him. Standing poised with her check notepad and a pen, she waited for us to order food.

Looking over the menu, Benji finally spoke. “Get whatever you want. I’m paying.”

That’s what this all boiled down to, wasn’t it? Benji thought he could throw his money around and get whatever he wanted. Too bad for him—I might be the only person around who wasn’t impressed by the dollar amount in his bank account. There were more important things in life.

“I’ll have some fruit. Thank you, Vicky.” I looked at Benji, daring him to make another comment.

Taking a deep breath and shaking his head slightly, he ordered a short stack of pancakes, eggs sunny-side-up, and bacon before gathering our menus and handing them over. Must be nice to eat all that and look the way he did. If I even looked at carbs, I felt my ass expanding.

Sipping my tea, I looked out the window beside our booth. My leg began bouncing as the nerves set in. The silence from Benji was almost worse than arguing with him. Silence meant he was thinking, calculating his next move, and no matter what it was, it spelled trouble for the delicate balance Knox and I had found over the years.

Vicky returned with our food, and I poked at the cut-up pieces of watermelon, cantaloupe, and honeydew melon with my fork.

“Liv, please.” Benji’s soft tone forced me to lift my eyes to gaze at him.

He hadn’t touched his food, and he looked lost.

That makes two of us, buddy.

Releasing my fork, letting it clatter onto the table, I muttered, “Just put me out of my misery already.”

Benji sized me up, and my lower lip trembled. I bit into it in an effort to hide my distress from him. If I was going to fight for my son, I needed to be strong. I couldn’t show any signs of weakness.

Shoving his massive plate to the side, Benji crossed his arms, leaning them onto the table. “First, I have some questions that need to be answered.”

Great, just what I needed—another inquisition. Hiding my shaking hands beneath the table, I replied, “Fine. What do you want to know?”

“Were you ever going to tell me about him?” The hurt in his tone cut right through me. When he’d been angry, it scared me, but I felt like I could push back. It was in my nature to help people; I didn’t like to see them suffer. But Benji was suffering now. Because of me.

There was no point in hiding anymore, so I answered honestly, “I had planned to tell Knox when he turned eighteen. At that point, I figured it would be up to him to decide whether he wanted to seek you out.” I chuckled humorously. “Although, now, I can picture him just as upset with me as you were the other day.”

“Eighteen . . .” Benji trailed off in disbelief. “That’s ten years from now. I’ve already missed so much. I would have missed everything.”

“It might not feel like it right now, but I did the right thing.”

I winced when those gray eyes hardened, and he scoffed. “The right thing. Keep telling yourself that, Liv. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who will see it that way.”

Not backing down, I shot back, “It’s hard to be sorry when I see all that you’ve accomplished. You would have been stuck here, Benji. You would have been miserable, and then you’d have resented me for keeping you here. It broke my heart to let you go, but I took comfort in the knowledge that you were going to have the life you always dreamed of. And you got it. I’m proud of you. Knox will be proud of you.”

Benji stared at me unblinkingly. Under his breath, I could have sworn I heard him say, “When glory fades away, love remains.”

“What was that?” I asked.

Jerking upright, it was clear he hadn’t meant to say those thoughts aloud. “Nothing.”

I gave him a small smile. “I’ve been keeping tabs on your career. Stashing away clips of anything particularly noteworthy in a box for Knox to have when he’s older.”

That seemed to surprise him, but he covered it well, his lips curving into a smirk. “Stalking me, Liv?”

Heat crept up my neck, and I averted my gaze. “Not stalking . . . Okay, well, a little bit. But it was for Knox.”

“For Knox,” he repeated, but the sparkle in his eyes told me he didn’t believe I was keeping tabs on him only for our son.

We’d gotten comfortable for a moment, slipping into an easy cadence, but the threat he posed to my life couldn’t be swept under the rug.

Sighing, I asked, “Where do we go from here?”

Benji leaned back in his seat. “Everyone I’ve consulted to this point has advised me that I need a paternity test to access my parental rights. There’s no other way around it.”

Panic shot through me, and I threw myself on his mercy, begging, “Please, don’t. You can’t tell him you’re his father.”

Clenching his jaw, I watched a muscle in his cheek twitch. “Haven’t you taken enough away from me?”

I tried again. “You have to understand. He’s eight. This would throw his world into chaos. Forget about the press wanting to get a piece of Benji Mills’s love child. You know how mean kids can be. What happens when he starts telling everyone around that you’re his dad? They’ll call him a liar, or worse, tell him his dad didn’t want him. It’ll hurt no matter what the truth is.”

The mention of feeling unwanted struck a chord with Benji, just like I’d known it would. It was playing dirty, but I’d do whatever was necessary to protect Knox.

Sighing, Benji took off his ballcap and ran a hand through his messy hair. With the sun streaming through the window, the streaks of red shone bright like fire. “He’s never asked? About his dad?”

Just when I thought we were making headway, I knew I was about to set us two giant steps backward.

“He has,” I admitted. “I told him that his father loved him very much, but work took him far away, so he couldn’t be with us.”

Technically, it hadn’t been a lie. I was sure Benji would love Knox as much as I did, and he lived a thousand miles away, where his job kept him very busy.

Looking skyward, Benji shook his head. “You’re a piece of work, Liv.”

I hung my head in shame. My actions had and would continue to hurt the only two men I’d ever truly loved.

“Fine.” Benji’s sharp tone drew my attention. “I came prepared to bargain.”

My eyebrows rose so high I was sure they reached my hairline. Shocked, I asked, “What could I possibly have to offer you?”

That smug look crossed his face, and I had to stave off a shiver. “Oh, pretty girl, you have got a lot to learn.”

Pretty girl.

My eyes widened, and I could have sworn I stopped breathing. Was I hearing things? That was what Benji had called me once upon a time. A time when I’d felt his love surrounding me, even if he’d never said it.

He probably calls all the girls that these days.

Realizing his slip, Benji rushed out, “I’m willing to forgo the paternity test. Like you, I think it would be disruptive to Knox’s life. The last thing I want to do is make this situation harder for him. In exchange, I want to ‘gift’ him the same scholarship I’d intended to bestow upon him before I found out he was mine.”

In my shock and panic, I’d forgotten all about Benji’s mention of a hockey scholarship. “What does that entail?”

Benji folded his hands atop the table. “Initially, it was set up to be an all-expenses-paid year of hockey. Top-of-the-line head-to-toe equipment, ice time, private training.”

“And now?” I asked.

“Now, it’ll be one-on-one with me all summer. I’ll bring in professionals to evaluate and coach him in certain areas where I don’t hold the necessary expertise. A summer spent getting to know my son and imparting my love of the game. Those are my terms. Take it or leave it, Liv. But know this: if you deny me time with my son, I’ll be forced to file an order with the court to demand that paternity test. Either way, I will know Knox and be a part of his life.”

It didn’t sound like much of a choice when he put it that way. The only thing I was given control over was whether or not Knox would know Benji’s true identity.

My mind mulled over how this would work. “He’s still a child, Benji. You can’t have him on the ice all day, every day.”

Benji nodded. “Of course. I was thinking a couple of days a week, three max. It’s not any more than other kids his age are doing. I wouldn’t want him to burn out.”

He was being far more reasonable than I’d expected. This was a good deal. I should take it. But there was one thing left to consider. “He’s already signed up for a bunch of camps this summer. What am I supposed to do about those?”

He shrugged like it was no issue. “Get your money back. He’s got a new summer program lined up.”

Get my money back . . .

The electric bill I’d been stressing over days ago came to mind. If I got refunds for all the camps and Knox still could be occupied and supervised over the summer, I could pay the bill and keep my pride intact.

Benji had no idea I was getting more out of this deal than he thought he was offering. That money would cover that bill and allow me to stash a little extra, just in case.

Yeah, in case I need a lawyer.

Pushing that thought to the back of my mind, I pretended to mull over his offer. It wouldn’t kill him to sweat it out for a few minutes after bursting back into my life and making demands.

“I don’t work the same three days each week. How will he get to the rink?” I questioned.

Benji’s mouth dropped open, realizing I was strongly considering his offer. I wasn’t stupid. I’d done some research myself, waiting for the hammer to fall. If Benji had consulted with a legal team, he knew that filing the paperwork and moving forward with custody could be a long, drawn-out process. His alternative got him access to Knox immediately, even if it came at the cost of keeping his relationship with our son a secret.

“Uh, I . . .”

I’d caught him off guard. Good.

“My mom watches Knox while I work. I’d rather not have to explain to her why you’re suddenly sticking around for the summer and have a vested interest in a boy who looks more like you than anyone has ever realized.”

“I’m your dirty little secret. Got it,” he sneered.

Rolling my eyes, I replied, “That’s not what I said. If I take your deal, the caveat is that Knox doesn’t know who you are to him. If my mom figures it out, she’ll tell my dad, then Pete will know—and trust me, you do not want Pete to know. Before long, everyone in town will know, and the cat is out of the bag. Ruins any leverage you have, and we go back to the drawing board.”

Leaning forward, his voice dropped low, dangerous even. “Is that what you think? I have all the leverage I need coursing through my veins. My blood is Knox’s blood, and if you have any ideas about getting cute right now, I’ll make a call to my lawyer and have the filing done so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

Holding my ground, not cowering at his threat, I responded, “The filing might be fast, but good luck getting through all the red tape before you have to go back to Connecticut.”

He’d clearly expected me to fall on my sword and beg for his mercy. Fighting back, challenging him, had him rearing back, looking at me through new eyes.

Get a good look. I’ve grown a spine during these past nine years.

Taking a moment to re-evaluate, he offered, “How about we only go to the rink on the days you have a shift? You get home at what? Eight? Eight thirty? I can swing by around ten to grab him, and you can sleep. Are you this tired every night? Should I be worried about you not making it home one morning?”

I sighed, explaining, “It’s not usually this bad. I haven’t slept much since you came by.”

Remorse flashed across Benji’s face. “I’m sorry, Liv. I didn’t mean to put you in a dangerous position. I only want to see my son. You owe me that much.”

“I know,” I whispered. “I get my schedule two weeks in advance. Is that enough for you?”

“Sure,” he nodded. “Ice is pretty easy to come by in the summer.”

“Okay.” It was one word, but it was the start of me sharing my son with his other parent.

“Okay?” Benji asked, apparently needing more clarification.

I shrugged. “You have your deal.”

“And at the end of the summer?” There was hope shining in those gray depths staring back at me, and my heart twisted inside my chest. That hope reminded me of the boy he used to be.

“We can re-evaluate.” I blew out a breath. “I know you think I’m a heartless monster for what I did, but I promise I’m not. If you can show me that you have what it takes to be a parent to Knox, then we can figure something out. I won’t try to keep him from you, and we’ll find a way forward.”

Seemingly satisfied with my answer, a smile crept onto his face. “I just want a chance to know my son, Liv.” A light laugh fell past his lips. “A son. It’s still so strange to say it out loud.”

I found myself smiling at his newfound parental joy. It might have come eight years too late, but I had a feeling he was bound and determined to make up for lost time.

Anyone who spent time with Knox fell in love with him, and I knew Benji would be no exception—especially seeing him through the biased lenses of a parent.

Love was what had started this all. Maybe it could fix it, too.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 9

Benji

I was getting a do-over. A chance to fall in love with the game of hockey for the first time all over again through my son’s eyes.

My heart swelled in my chest the first day I picked him up. Our mission: to shop for gear. The smile on his face lit up my world. His excited chatter as we drove the three hours one way to Marquette, the location of the nearest fully-equipped hockey shop, was music to my ears.

Three hours was a long drive, but he handled it like a champ—losing his mind when we stopped off for some fast food on the way. There was a closer, fully outfitted shop on the Canadian side of Sault Sainte Marie, but crossing the border without my name listed on his birth certificate would land me in jail for kidnapping or worse. I didn’t mind—it was more time I could spend getting to know Knox.

God, he was perfect. I was sure every parent thought that about their child, but it was true.

Knox’s coloring was a mix of both of us. He had Liv’s dark blond hair and my gray eyes. But his face upon closer inspection, now knowing I was looking at my son . . . Our resemblance was strong. He would be a heartbreaker when he got older.

Good looks were only skin deep, but Knox was just as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside. I had to hand it to Liv—she’d done an incredible job raising him to this point. Knox was over-the-top polite, thanking me for everything—picking him up, helping buckle him into the newly installed booster seat in my rental car, driving safely, buying him lunch.

Oh, don’t get me started on lunch. He clutched that kids’ meal toy like it was the most precious thing he had ever received, and my heart cracked in half inside my chest. I saw so much of myself in him. I would have acted the same way if either of my parents had ever bought me one of those meals I’d coveted while watching TV commercials. At least I knew Liv was feeding him well. He wasn’t surviving on moldy bread and cold canned beans like I had.

Finally, reaching the hockey shop we’d driven all this distance for, Knox’s eyes grew as large as saucers when he saw walls full of gear in every size and color imaginable. I wondered if he had ever been to any shop outside Wardale’s tiny Main Street family-owned businesses. I was guessing not, the way he walked around in awe.

A salesman must have heard the bell sound as we walked through the front door and walked out from the back, a smile on his face. “Welcome to Roy’s World of Hockey. How can I help you today?”

Knox had wandered off to browse the aisle of hockey cards, so I gestured in his direction. “My friend here needs head-to-toe gear. The best you’ve got.”

The salesman’s eyes lit up. He knew what kind of commission this sale would bring, and he tripped all over himself to show us the best of the best.

It had been a long time since I’d shopped for gear. Now, I had brand endorsements, and those companies sent everything straight to the Comets. My first set of equipment had been ill-fitting hand-me-downs, but it had done the trick. I’d take those second-hand pieces over no gear any day of the week.

Knox was patient while we tried on several pairs of skates, profiling his feet and finding the brand that was just right for him. He giggled after the salesman, Tim, had baked the pair we chose and put them on his feet, letting them mold around the natural curves of his soles. He told us it was like a warm hug for his feet.

I laughed in response. Kids.

Who would have thought? Me, with a kid? And enjoying every minute of it.

Maybe the novelty would wear off. This was, after all, our first day together.

I could imagine that eight long years, never getting a break, had been trying on Liv, even though I knew she loved him fiercely.

I’d watched as my best friend became a parent, both biologically and by choice. Jaxon adored his kids, but I had seen him lose his cool once or twice. Nobody was perfect, and being a parent had to be stressful. Not every day was a fun one like this. There would be tears, tantrums, and times when you had to say “no.” That was all outside the debilitating fear that something could harm your child.

Barely one day in, I knew this would be a rollercoaster. It was time to buckle up and hold on for all the ups and downs.

After the skates were set, we worked our way up, racking up shin guards, hockey pants, a cup—oh boy, was that one important—elbow pads, shoulder pads, gloves, and finally a helmet. All that remained was to pick out a couple of sticks. I made Knox show me how he liked to hold them so I could determine if he was a lefty or a righty. That would determine the blade’s curve so he could easily cradle the puck. It turned out he was a righty, like his old man, and I had Tim cut one the perfect size for now and another a couple of inches longer so he’d have one waiting in the wings if he hit a growth spurt. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how fast kids this age grew, and it was better to be safe than sorry.

Hitting up the apparel section, I helped Knox try on skintight leggings and dri-fit tops for a base layer beneath his gear. All that was left was to let him pick out some colored knit socks and a few jerseys to wear on the ice.

Tim took everything to the front counter to start checking us out, but I couldn’t stop myself from letting Knox grab a few packs of hockey cards. While he wasn’t looking, I snagged a set of composite mini-sticks and a pack of balls for him to play with at home. He’d gotten chummy with Beau at the clinic the week prior, and I wanted him to be ready if their paths ever crossed again. Beau was an absolute beast at mini-sticks. You would never know that hockey wasn’t in his genetics the way that kid took to the game.

Reaching the register, I handed over my black card, and Tim glanced at it for a moment before his mouth fell open. “Wait. Benjamin Mills? As in the Benji Mills?”

For the first time in my life, I was slightly embarrassed to be recognized in public. Knox was staring up at me, waiting for my reaction, my response, and I didn’t know quite what to do.

Pulling on the back of my neck, I nodded, “Uh, yeah. That’s me.”

The credit card was forgotten on the counter as Tim’s hands went to his head. “No way. I thought you looked familiar, but I brushed it off. What are you doing all the way up here?”

Trying to stay somewhat truthful, I replied, “I’m from the UP. Brought the trophy home last week and ran a free hockey clinic for kids in the community with the intent to hand out a scholarship for a free year of paid ice and new equipment to a lucky kid. My friend, Knox, here, is the recipient.” I could only hope this guy was star-struck enough that he wouldn’t think it odd for me to be alone with a kid who wasn’t mine without their parents.

“Wow. I had no idea you were from up here. Can—can I get a selfie?”

“Sure,” I replied with a smile.

Tim pulled out his phone and turned the camera so he could see both of us on the screen to take the shot. I noticed Knox in the corner and held up my hand. “One minute there, Tim.”

Turning around, I motioned to the side, addressing Knox. “Come stand over here, buddy.” Checking the screen to ensure it no longer contained an image of my son, I smiled, allowing Tim to snap a few pictures.

Once he was satisfied, he ran my card before helping me cart all the gear out to the car. I thanked him again for his assistance, and he stood outside the shop as we drove away.

“Coach B?” Knox’s voice came from the backseat.

“Yeah, bud?” I kept my eyes on the road, glancing at him momentarily in the rearview mirror.

“Why did that man want to take your picture?” he asked.

“Ah, well, do you remember Coach J and Beau?”

“Yes!” came his enthusiastic reply. “Beau’s my new best friend!”

I smiled at his childlike innocence. Beau was a good kid and made friends everywhere he went. I had no doubt that should the two of them ever meet up again, they’d be thick as thieves, barely a year apart in age.

“Coach J and I play hockey together. We won that big trophy I brought with me the last time we were at the rink,” I explained.

Knox’s brow wrinkled as I kept one eye on him in the mirror and the other on the road. “But how did he know that?”

I smirked. “Because they showed us winning it on TV.”

“Whoa.” Knox’s voice was full of awe. “You were on TV?”

I feel you, buddy. There are days when I can’t believe it myself.

“Yup.”

Chewing on his lip for a few minutes in thought, he said, “He asked if your name was Benjamin, but Mom calls you Benji.”

“My full name is Benjamin, but my nickname is Benji. Kinda like how your mom’s name is Oliva, but some people call her Liv, right?”

“Yeah . . .” Knox nodded. “Did you know my middle name is Benjamin?”

I froze. Knox was eight. He was certainly old enough to piece together our connection. I just thought it would take longer.

Sweat gathered along the back of my neck the longer we sat in silence—him waiting for an answer, me trying to figure out how not to fuck this up. What was I supposed to do if he asked me outright if I was his dad? Liv would kill me. I’d have broken the terms of our agreement, and I could kiss a summer teaching him hockey goodbye.

Taking a deep breath, I replied, “I actually did know that. Benjamin is a pretty popular boy name. Most people go by Ben.”

Tilting his head, he mused, “But you don’t. You go by Benji.”

Phew. Crisis averted. For now.

I nodded. “That’s right. My mom called me Benji when I was little, and it stuck.”

“Okay,” Knox said before going quiet.

Focusing on the drive—now that I had precious cargo—he was fast asleep the next time I peeked back at him. Somehow, he was even more beautiful in his sleep, with his facial features relaxed, and I committed the image to memory.

It was a wonder anything so flawless came from me.

The rest of the drive passed in a blur, and before long, I was outside Liv’s place. Knox was still out for the count, so I reached in and pulled him against my chest, carrying him up the steps to the front door.

Mindful of boundaries, I knocked gently with my free hand and waited for Liv to open the door. Answering quickly—I mean, I could probably walk end to end in that house in five steps or less—she took in the sight before her and smiled.

Pushing the screen door open to allow me entry, she remarked wryly, “Of course, you can carry him. I had to abandon that years ago or risk throwing my back out.”

Smirking, I turned my body to see her face, mouthing, “Dad strength.”

She rolled her eyes, but the smile never left her face.

Liv led the way to his bedroom, and I placed him on his bed, not bothering to pull back the covers. Stepping back, I stared down at my peaceful, sleeping son.

“You wore him out,” came the soft voice behind me.

Turning, I looked at the woman who had given me the greatest gift I never asked for. The sunlight pouring in from behind created a halo effect on her golden mane. It reminded me of why I had fallen for her so many years ago. Liv had been pretty, down-to-earth, and wholesome. I’d thought being with someone as good as her would make me a better person.

And it had. She’d brought out the best in me.

Leaving her behind was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. If I’d have known I was leaving the both of them . . .

She was right. I wouldn’t have gone.

Liv gave me two gifts that night—my son and my career—and I’d been blind to it all. I owed this woman my life.

That little boy asleep in the bed was mine to protect and take care of now.

It was startling how fast I’d transitioned from hockey fuckboy to committed dad. Nobody could have seen it coming, least of all me.

Jaxon is going to be so smug when he finds out.

Liv tilted her head in the direction of the living room, a silent invitation to join her. We hadn’t talked much since we brokered the deal that allowed me access to Knox—mainly texts about times and dates that would work for her.

She sank onto the loveseat beside the fireplace wall, but I remained standing. That thing looked too small, and I felt the need to put some distance between us. We might be working on co-parenting—even if Knox didn’t know it—but I still harbored some resentment toward her.

A slight frown marred her pretty face when she noticed I’d elected to stand. What seemed like a million years ago now, I had called her pretty girl. She’d blushed the first time, eyes dropping to look at her feet. Back then, I didn’t have the silver tongue I had now. It hadn’t been about saying the right thing to get a girl into bed—it had been the truth. Liv was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. She still was. Natural beauty would always win supreme over the fillers and caked-on makeup the women running in my circles wore.

Scanning her now, I noticed the dark circles under her eyes had lightened since the last time I’d seen her. She must be sleeping better now that she wasn’t looking over her shoulder, waiting for me to snatch Knox away. The guilt I felt knowing I was the reason she could’ve fallen asleep behind the wheel had me losing sleep. Go figure.

She’d been in pale pink scrubs when I picked Knox up this morning—the same ones I saw her wearing when I’d waited for her outside of work—her dark blonde hair tied up in a bun that had seen better days. Now, her hair was down and falling over her shoulders, and she wore a simple white V-neck T-shirt and jean shorts that hugged her curvy thighs. I’d always been an ass man, but no other woman I had been with over the years came close to having the type of junk in the trunk that Liv possessed. Apparently, the bottom-heavy girls didn’t think hockey guys would want them, as I didn’t see any amongst the ranks of the puck bunnies. Damn shame if you asked me. There was nothing I loved more than having my hands overflowing with fistfuls of luscious ass. Oh well.

“Did you two have a nice time?” Liv asked, drawing me from my thoughts.

Get a grip, Benj. You were this close to pitching a tent in your pants.

Shoving my hands in my pockets, a smile crept onto my face. “We did.”

She searched my face. “The drive was long. He didn’t give you any trouble? I don’t think he’s ever spent that long in the car before.”

“He was perfect, Liv.”

Sighing, she relaxed in her seat. “Good. Even though he was over-the-moon excited to go with you, it was still the first time. You never know how kids are going to react. Sometimes, the idea sounds better than the reality.”

It irked me that she was explaining kids to me. Sure, I didn’t have much experience, but that was because she hadn’t trusted me, hadn’t let me in.

You can’t have it both ways. A few minutes ago, you were grateful that her choices gave you everything.

Fuck. This was all so confusing. I needed to get a grip on my emotions and fast.

Maybe it was my anger rising to the surface, but sweat dampened the edges of my hair and rolled down my neck, pooling under the collar of my shirt. Pulling the fabric away, hoping for relief, I asked, “Is it hot in here?”

Liv avoided my gaze. “It tends to get a little warm in the afternoons. We don’t have AC.”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. Every time she shared another detail about their lives, guilt bloomed larger inside my chest. The summers up here weren’t long, but the temperatures could spike into the nineties on occasion. That would be brutal in a tiny shoebox like this house.

That had me thinking about the winters. They were long, cold, and bitter up here. Snow fell as early as October and as late as early May. Did they have a working furnace, or was the fireplace the only thing keeping them warm as the temperatures dropped and there were times they got snowed in?

I knew things were tight, but how much was Liv hiding about how bad off they really were? All the while, I had a cushy penthouse apartment in downtown Hartford, never giving a thought to my utility bill costs.

“Don’t give me that look.” Liv shot me a glare.

Right. Couldn’t forget how proud she was of this oven of a shack. But there was one problem with that—it wasn’t just her; my son lived here, too.

Unfortunately for me, it was her voice in my head, reminding me that if she’d told me about Knox before I left, I would be stuck living like this right alongside her. We’d be alternating shifts, working our lives away, struggling to make ends meet, and living paycheck to paycheck. She’d saved me from this fate.

Who was going to save her?

My gut instinct was to volunteer for the job, but she’d already made it clear she didn’t want my help. And throwing money at the situation wasn’t the same as removing her from it altogether. She deserved better than this life.

Confused out of my mind about how I was going to navigate the land mines popping up everywhere, I pushed off the wall. “I should get going.”

“Okay.” Liv stood to show me out.

Reaching the doorway, I remembered the items Knox had left behind in the backseat since he was passed out when we arrived.

“Hold on a minute,” I called back as I ran down the steps to the car.

Grabbing the packs of hockey cards and the chintzy kids’ meal toy from beside the booster seat, I walked back to Liv.

As I handed them over, she rolled her eyes. “You have to be careful about spoiling him.”

Crossing my arms, I replied, “Was I not supposed to feed him? We were gone all day. The toy came with his meal. And don’t even start on the hockey cards. They cost a couple of bucks a pack. It’s not like I went out and bought him an ATV.”

Pale green eyes met mine. “No, only a thousand dollars’ worth of hockey equipment.”

Touché. She had me there.

“We had an agreement, Liv. I get to do the hockey thing with Knox, and you get to keep your little secret. If you have a problem with me buying the equipment, does that mean you’re backing out?” I challenged.

“No,” she huffed.

“Then I’d suggest you keep it to yourself how much I’m spending on my part of the bargain. If you think the equipment is pricey, you’ll shit a brick when you learn how much an hour of ice costs.” Confident I’d made my point, I walked to my car without another word.

Driving away, it finally hit me that while Liv had grudgingly agreed to the offer I proposed last week, she was going to fight me every step of the way. She was used to being in charge when it came to Knox, but she wasn’t his only parent anymore.

The sooner she learned to work with me instead of pushing against me, the better off we’d all be.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 10

Benji

“All right, Knox, really use your edges coming around the turn. Keep both feet on the ice. Try not to lift that inside one.” The power skating coach I’d hired to join us once a week called out instructions to Knox as he navigated around orange cones laid out on the ice.

We’d been hitting the ice for two weeks now, and it was incredible to see the progress he had made since the first time I saw him on skates. He’d impressed me then but blew me away now. I couldn’t help puffing my chest, knowing he’d gotten his talent from me. I might not have been physically present all these years, but I’d left my unique mark on this little boy.

The skating coach, Steve, told Knox to take a water break, and while he went to the bench, Steve coasted closer to me.

“How did you find this kid?” he asked, his tone betraying how impressed he was with Knox’s skills.

“Dumb luck,” I replied. And it had been. I still couldn’t believe that during my first trip back here in nine years, I happened to run across the son I never knew I had.

“Are you sure he’s not hustling you with a story about never having played before? Trying to con you into more expensive training? I have a hard time buying it with the way he moves,” Steve remarked.

I shook my head. “Nah.” I left it at that. I didn’t need to explain Knox’s situation—my situation—to him.

Steve might not be buying it, but he let it drop. “He’s a lucky kid to have you helping him out like this. Not many eight-year-olds in these parts can afford private lessons, let alone the type of gear he’s wearing.”

He was right. Not up here, but where I was living now, I’d seen crazy things in the youth hockey world.

There was a lot of money in suburban Connecticut. Some—though not all—thought their kid would be the next number-one overall-draft-pick superstar. Parents pushed their just-turned six-year-olds into full-ice hockey, believing it gave them an edge over the kids who followed the professional guidance to wait until they were nine. They acted like if they threw enough money at it, they could get their kids onto the best teams or even secure a college scholarship before they hit high school.

Maybe I couldn't understand it because I’d worked my way into the league with my own blood, sweat, and tears. But perhaps I’d been shielded from the underbelly of youth hockey living up here. These people didn’t have the money to grease palms; spots were earned based on skill and effort—the way it should be.

Jaxon had drawn the spotlight early, earning himself a full-ride scholarship to a highly-ranked sports boarding school. He had endorsements lined up years in advance of being the top pick of his draft class. His much younger brother, Braxton, reaped the benefits of Jaxon’s meteoric rise to hockey fame, and he, too, would be playing for the Comets this fall as a rookie. There were several hockey siblings currently in the league, and sometimes, you had to chalk it up to good breeding. Talent couldn’t be taught, though occasionally, hard work could beat it out on the ice.

Their parents didn’t come from money, and Jaxon had remained grounded. Beau was about to turn seven, and Jaxon took a stance with the Junior Comets. He was adamant that the organization not buckle under the pressure of the few—but noisy—glory-hungry parents. He petitioned that they allow the youngest players to learn to love the game at their own pace.

I chuckled to myself, remembering that moment in time. When your star player said “jump,” how could you do anything but ask “how high?” After all, he had a future hall-of-fame-worthy career to back up his position in the sport.

Parents fell all over themselves to agree with the great Jaxon Slate, hoping to get on his good side. Each of them was hoping for a chance to rub elbows with him in the stands should their kid be placed on the same team as Beau.

Jaxon was a good dad. He let Beau set the pace in terms of hockey, never pressuring him simply because he wanted his son to follow in his footsteps. These past few weeks, I took a page out of his playbook. I didn’t want Knox to get burned out, so when there were days he said he was tired before our time on the ice was up, we ended early.

Today was not one of those days.

Steve’s paid time ended, and we still had half an hour of ice left. It was just me and my boy. And he was hungry, but not for food.

“What next?” he asked, his silver eyes shining bright with excitement.

“Hmm.” I thought for a moment. “We did a lot of skating today, so what do you think about working on your shot?”

Knox’s helmeted head bobbed enthusiastically. “Yes!”

Skating across the ice surface to snag the net shoved in the corner during Knox’s power skating session, I pushed it toward where he stood. Gathering pucks, I created two piles—one for me and one for Knox.

Pulling a puck toward me with the toe of my stick, I instructed Knox, “Watch what I do, and I’ll explain it step by step.”

“Okay,” Knox said, his brow wrinkled in concentration.

“It’s important to keep your hands separated,” I explained. “Your top hand—the left for you and me—should be on the knob, where the tape is. Your bottom hand should be close to halfway down the shaft of the stick.”

Knox took his hands and mirrored how my hands held my stick on his own.

“Good.” I nodded in approval. “A strong shot relies on weight transfer. You’re going to use your weight on the stick, and it’s going to launch the puck through the air. Since you’re a righty, that means you want to shift your weight onto your left foot in front of you.” I demonstrated the stance, allowing him to copy me. “Your stick has a certain amount of flex related to your weight, so you want to lean down on it a little bit when you swing through. That flex is going to help sling the puck right off the blade of your stick. Got it?”

Staring at me wide-eyed, he nodded, but I knew my explanation was a bit too technical for him. He was eight, after all.

Smiling, I offered, “Watch me.”

Slowing it down to a snail’s pace, I took my time showing him how to shoot the puck properly, adding, “It’s important to keep your head up. Look at where you want the puck to go into the net. Looking down, you’ll lose all your aim.”

Getting to know him these past couple of weeks, I could read Knox’s expressions better. The pensive look he had on his face told me two things. One, that he was trying to visualize what I was telling him to do. And two, he was trying to figure out a way to make me proud by getting it right the first time.

He had no idea that I was proud of him no matter what because I was his dad.

The novelty of that still hadn’t worn off.

Without a word, Knox worked through the motions a few times with his stick before pulling a puck over and letting it fly. His knack for following instructions was impeccable, and it lifted clear off the ice and into the top corner of the net.

Yelling in triumph, I exclaimed, “Right where Mama hides the cookies!”

The grin on Knox’s face slipped through the cage on his helmet. “Huh?”

Rubbing his helmeted head with my gloved hand, I replied, “Top shelf, buddy! You’ve got a lot to learn.”

If I had it my way, it wouldn’t be long before Knox was fluent in the hockey lingo we all fell into using. I could just picture the look on Liv’s face the first time he said “wheel, snipe, celly”—translation: skate, shoot and score, then celebrate—at the dinner table.

I was one proud papa, that was for sure.

Knox and I made a habit of grabbing lunch on my days with him before I dropped him off at home. Today, we grabbed a quick bite at the snack bar inside the rink and made it to Liv’s a little past one o’clock.

Pick-ups and drop-offs were becoming more cordial. Knox was softening me around the edges, and I was finding a way of letting go of my feelings of betrayal and anger. The extra sleep seemed to be good for Liv, and she was smiling more. Or maybe it was because she was coming to realize that I was a man of my word, and so long as I got my time with Knox, she could keep pretending like he didn’t have a dad and I was just his hockey guardian angel.

Okay, maybe I wasn’t completely over my resentment. Could you blame me? She’d kept me from my son for eight years.

The screen door slammed as Knox rushed through it. I usually hung around long enough for Liv to give me a wave to let me know she had him before taking off.

Her face appeared, but instead of waving, she pushed through the door, calling out, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Hope filled my chest. Had she reconsidered letting me explain who I was to Knox? I’d fallen in love with him hard and fast, and I would give just about anything to tell him how I felt.

“Sure, what’s up.” I leaned against the side of my car, trying to play it cool.

Chewing on her lip, she twisted her hands. She was nervous about whatever she had to say, and a sense of foreboding settled over me.

Losing my patience, I prompted, “Well?”

Flashing me with her green gaze, she exhaled deeply. “I was wondering if you might be interested in spending a little more time with Knox today.”

She had my attention now, and I stood up straighter. “Yeah, of course. You have somewhere to be?”

Dropping her eyes, she toed the ground. “I, um . . . have a date tonight.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. She was asking me to watch our son for the evening so she could go get laid?

I was more than happy to have the extra time with my son, but the idea of some other man with his hands on her while I sat awaiting her sexually satisfied return had me clenching my fists in rage.

One step forward, two steps back.

“I didn’t realize you were dating.” I tried to sound casual, but the gruffness in my voice gave me away.

Defiance flashed in Liv’s pale green eyes as she folded her arms across her chest. “That’s rich coming from you,” she spat.

Flinching like I’d been struck, I shot back, “Excuse me?”

Narrowing her eyes, I could see the moment she mentally dug her heels in, ready for battle.

Bring it on, babe.

Scoffing, she replied, “You may have conveniently forgotten the part where I told you everything I did the night you left was because I loved you, but you sure took other things I said to heart.”

“Like what?” I challenged.

Her gaze dropped to the area of my groin, and my dick twitched. Traitor.

Eyes snapping back up to meet mine, she replied, “When I said to be a cocky hockey boy, I meant your attitude. You clearly decided to interpret it differently.”

“Is this the part where you punish me for having a life? A life, I might add, where I had no idea I had a child out there in the world.” I mirrored her defensive stance, crossing my arms over my chest.

“No. But you don’t get to judge me or make me feel bad for wanting to go out on a date when you’ve been on the cover of every tabloid known to man with half the population of New England!” A flush rose up her neck and onto her face.

A smirk crept onto my lips. “Jealous, Liv? I thought you were only keeping tabs on me for Knox. Not sure why my dating life would be pertinent to cataloging my career accomplishments.”

The pale pink tinge to her cheeks turned cherry red. I’d hit my mark.

“No,” she sputtered, trying to regain her composure. “I was just wondering what happened to the boy I used to know, who wasn’t interested in the aggressive type of women who only wanted to be with him because of his popularity.”

“I’ve changed.” I mean, who wouldn’t in nine years? No one was the same person they’d been at seventeen when they were twenty-six.

Liv snorted. “You can say that again. You did a whole one-eighty.”

“Now, who’s judging?” I countered. “It’s not like you’re the same shy girl I brushed elbows with multiple times a day for years before she worked up the nerve to talk to me. People grow up and—”

Holding up a hand, she cut off my words. “We’ve both changed, but unlike you, I grew up stronger. I was dealt a rough hand, and I rose up to meet the challenge.”

The thin thread holding my temper at bay snapped, and I roared, “Because you didn’t let me in! I could have helped you! You didn’t need to shoulder the entire burden by yourself!”

Voice dropping low, she gritted out, “Our son is not a burden.”

Fuck. She’d done it again. Driven me to anger and then twisted my words.

Bringing both hands to my face, I dug the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. “That’s not what I meant.”

I heard her sigh. “Can you watch Knox or not? I figured I’d give you the option to spend extra time with him before I asked my family.”

Lowering my hands, I dared to look at her. Seeing the defeat written across her face, I felt like a jackass. “Yeah, tell me what time. I’ll pick up a pizza, and we can have a guys’ night.”

Nodding, she muttered, “Thanks. How does six sound?”

“I’ll see you then.”

Opening the car door, I got inside, wondering if this would ever get easier.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 11

Benji

Arriving at Liv’s front door a few hours later, piping hot pizza in hand, I knocked gently on the screen door’s frame.

Knox came into view, and when he saw me standing there, a smile lit up his face. “Coach B!”

“Hey, superstar. You wanna help me with the door?” I asked.

Closing the distance to the door, he pushed it open. “What are you doing here? Are we going back to the rink?”

Brushing the overgrown blond hair from his eyes with my free hand, I brought the pizza box into view. “Your mom asked if I could keep you company tonight while she goes out. Figured we could have a guys’ night, just the two of us.”

Knox’s eyes widened. “A guys’ night? Like a sleepover?”

“Not exactly.” Walking into the tiny kitchen, noting the chipped paint on the cabinets and gouges in the tile flooring, I explained, “It’s more like bonding time, hanging out with other dudes.”

“Oooh. Like when Uncle Pete takes me fishing?” Knox asked.

Nodding, I replied, “Sure.” Irritation prickled at the back of my mind, thinking of Pete stepping in as a father figure to my son. He was Liv’s brother, but he wasn’t his dad.

Would you rather he have nobody? You weren’t here. You can’t be pissed that someone stepped up for your kid.

Ugh, my conscience would win this round. I should be grateful that Knox had people who loved him.

I placed the food on the counter. “I figured we could eat some pizza and watch a movie. Maybe later, when it gets dark, we can go stare at the stars. Where I’m from, there are too many lights to see them clearly. But out here—”

A knock at the door cut off my words. That had to be Liv’s date.

Glancing around, I asked Knox, “Is your mom around?”

He shrugged. “She’s still getting ready.”

Hmm. An idea began to form in my brain.

Liv had thrown shade my way earlier about my dating life, but even though it had been well-documented, none of those bunnies got within a hundred of miles of Knox. Liv, on the other hand, had men coming right to the front door.

It was well within my rights as Knox’s father—ignoring the fact that without my name on his birth certificate, I had no legal rights—to assess the type of men Liv brought around our son.

An evil grin crept onto my face. “It would be rude to keep her companion for the evening waiting,” I said to Knox. “You stay here, bud, and help yourself to a slice of pizza. I’ll handle the door."

The sound of Knox pulling a chair across the floor so he could use it to reach a plate faded behind me as I made my way to the front door.

I had to bite back a laugh when I saw the man standing on the front porch through the screen door.

This was the kind of guy she was dating?

The guy had height—I had to give him that—but other than that, I had no idea what she saw in him. His hair was parted down the side and slicked down with so much product it looked shiny. He was wearing a light blue shirt tucked into khaki pants. Who tucked shirts in like that anymore? It wasn’t doing him any favors either, as the tuck pulled the lower part of his shirt tight around the spare tire he had resting there.

I wasn’t superficial—and clearly, Liv wasn’t—so maybe I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. For all I knew, he had a great personality.

It was time to find that out for myself.

Pushing through the door, I crowded his space for a moment, forcing him to take a hesitant step back.

“Can I help you?” I folded my arms over my chest, making sure he got a good look at the muscles there.

Was I trying to intimidate him? Maybe.

“Uh . . .” The guy looked like a deer in headlights.

Strike One: Not assertive.

Taking another step back and almost falling down the stairs, he glanced up at the house number displayed on a plaque beside the door. I had him so flustered that he thought he had the wrong house. “I’m here to pick up Liv?”

Leaning back against the side of the house, I nodded. “Oh, you’re the date. Olivia’s still inside getting ready.”

“Olivia?” He frowned. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone call her that.”

Unfolding my arms and stuffing them inside my pockets, I tried to give off a more casual vibe after my initial threatening posture. “Well . . . only those closest to her call her Olivia.” I gave myself a mental pat on the back before adding, “If you really want to impress her, I would suggest calling her that. She’ll eat it up.”

“Huh,” he mused. “I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch your name.” There was nothing worse in these parts than bad manners, and I made sure to call him out.

An embarrassed flush crept up his neck. “Oh. I’m Dave.” He reached out a hand to me, and I took it firmly in mine before shaking.

“Benji,” I replied.

Pulling his hand away, he studied my face before his eyes widened. “Oh, shit. You’re Benji Mills. I’m a huge fan,” he gushed.

I swear to God. If this guy asks me for a selfie before taking out the mother of my child . . .

Throwing a charming smile on my face, I replied, “Always nice to meet a fan.”

Confused, Dave asked, “What are you doing here?” He took a peek through the screen door, making it clear he meant “here” as in Liv’s house and not Wardale in general.

I shrugged. “Olivia and I go way back. We went to school together. I’m here tonight to watch Knox.”

“Knox?” His brow furrowed for a moment before realization dawned. “Oh! The kid.”

Strike Two: Calling my son “the kid.”

Trying my hardest not to scowl at Douchebag Dave, I asked, “Do you like kids?”

Translation: Do you usually prey on single moms?

Oblivious to the tension, Dave nodded eagerly. “Oh, yeah. I work with kids. I’m in the pediatric unit in the same hospital as Li—” He stopped before correcting himself, “Olivia.”

Excellent. In my head, I was bringing my fingertips together maniacally.

Look, I wasn’t a bad person, but there was something about this guy that I didn’t like. He wasn’t right for Liv. He definitely wasn’t right for Knox.

Deciding to go in for the kill, I remarked, “You know, I have to say it. You are brave for taking her out.”

“Excuse me?” Dave tilted his head.

I leaned in conspiratorially. “Olivia doesn’t like to talk about it, but Knox’s dad is in prison.” Gesturing with my hands, I added, “Big dude with anger issues. I wouldn’t want to be the guy found horning in on his family when he gets out.”

The color drained from Dave’s face.

Strike Three: Guillible as fuck.

Confident my work was done, I smiled. “I’ll go make sure to let Olivia know you’re here.”

“Uh-huh.” Dave’s words were dazed behind me as I re-entered the house.

As I made it back into the kitchen, Liv’s bedroom door opened, and she stepped out. “Did I hear a knock?”

Turning, I opened my mouth to respond, but the words died on my tongue. Dressed in a navy dress that was fitted at the bust and flared out around her lush hips where a floral design reached up from the hem, Liv was stunning. Blonde hair curled around her face, and the tiniest hint of makeup had been applied to her eyes.

She was a vision, and she was going out with another man.

Self-conscious, she chewed on her lower lip. “What?”

“Nothing,” I said in a daze. “That’s a nice dress.”

Glancing down before peeking over her shoulder to check out her backside, she asked, “You think?”

“Yeah.” Nodding, I added, “Your date is outside.”

“Oh.” Liv reached up to toy with the end of a curl. “I guess I’d better get going then.”

Pulling on the back of my neck, I didn’t know what to say. More than anything, I wanted to beg her to stay. To spend time here with me and Knox, but for some reason, I couldn’t.

Liv stepped over to where Knox was oblivious, eating pizza without a care in the world. “I’m gonna head out, squirt. You be good for Benji, okay?”

Knox looked up, but his mop of hair hung in his eyes.

Liv brushed it away, sighing. “I keep meaning to schedule you for a haircut.”

“Don’t,” I blurted.

Surprised, Liv looked back at me. “What?”

Sheepishly, I averted my gaze. “I said, don’t. He’s got that perfect hockey hair. It would be a shame to ruin that flow.”

When I dared to look up, Liv was staring at me, a mixture of amusement and annoyance. “It’s in his eyes. He can’t see.”

“So, we get him a hat.” I shrugged.

Lips turning down, she replied, “He can’t wear a hat in church. Or school, for that matter.”

Not wanting to argue, I reminded her, “Don’t you have a date waiting outside?”

The look of warning she shot me told me that I’d overstepped the boundaries of my input in our son’s life. I didn’t care. She’d made thousands of decisions in the last nine years without me. And I couldn’t have a say in how he wore his hair? This was not the hill she wanted to die on.

But I let it slide. Her evening would be entertaining enough, and I’d already secured my payback.

Plastering a smile on my face, I simply said, “Have a nice night.”

Eyeing me, she instructed, “Don’t let him stay up too late.”

“We were planning to stargaze. Can’t do that with an early bedtime,” I pushed back.

Blowing out a breath, she glanced at Knox before lowering her voice so only I could hear. “You can’t make promises like that. It won’t be dark enough until far past his bedtime.”

“It’s summer,” I argued. “Let him live a little.”

Narrowing her eyes, she scoffed. “Live a little. Says the man who won’t have to deal with the aftermath of a grumpy child tomorrow.”

She loved to remind me that she was the sole caretaker of our child. Couldn’t she see that I was here, wanting to help? If only she would let me tell Knox who I was, I could be around more, maybe even take him overnight. But with that came giving up being the martyr, and she’d really settled into that role.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “Better get out of here before your date thinks you stood him up.”

Sighing, she rolled her eyes but didn’t say another word before walking away.

Everything was a fucking argument with that woman. She was driving me insane.

Scrolling through the very limited channels available on Liv’s cable, I tried to find something for us to watch. Giving up hope of a movie, I settled on a cartoon show that Knox seemed to like.

After a few minutes, he turned away from the TV, asking, “I heard you say you went to school with my mom. Did you really?”

Peering down at him where he was tucked into my side, I raised an eyebrow. “Were you eavesdropping?”

Panic overtook his face when he realized he’d been caught. “No,” he protested before amending, “Yes.”

Giving his side a squeeze, loving how it felt to have his small body pressed against mine, I shrugged. “Don’t make it a habit.”

Shyly, he peeked up at me. “I won’t.”

“That’s a good boy,” I replied. “To answer your question, yes, your mom and I went to school together. In fact, our lockers were right next to each other. Mason and Mills fell right beside each other in the alphabetical order of our class.”

“That’s so cool.” Satisfied with my answer, he went back to watching cartoons.

Those lockers were next to each other for years before Liv had said a single word to me. I’d assumed it was because she was too good to speak to me, but I realized after a while she didn’t say much to anyone. That practically mute girl was a stark contrast to the woman who fought me at every turn now.

I could still remember the absolute shock when she’d first spoken to me.

“Benji,” Cassie Murphy cooed from my right as I shoved books into my locker, switching them out for the set I needed for the subsequent few periods. “I can’t wait to come watch your game on Friday night.”

“That’s nice,” I muttered.

A hand moved over my shoulder, stroking with teasing fingertips, and I looked over at her for the first time. Cassie hadn’t exactly been subtle about her interest in me, but I was too focused on hockey to have time for girls.

But I also knew I had to play this right, or she’d go running her mouth all around town about how I broke her heart. Keeping her at bay wasn’t easy. She was getting bolder by the day, as evidenced by her touching me without consent.

“Score a goal for me?” she begged with stars in her eyes.

Slipping carefully out of her grasp, I shrugged. “Sure.”

I didn’t score goals for anyone other than myself, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.

A pout formed on her painted lips. Did her parents know she was wearing more makeup than some of the prostitutes I’d encountered at motels growing up and practically throwing herself at boys? My guess would be no. They probably thought she was the perfect Christian daughter.

“I might cry if you don’t score,” she whined.

The struggle not to roll my eyes was real. Forcing a smile, I replied, “Then I guess I’ll have to play extra hard.”

Cassie squealed. We’re talking a sound so shrill that I wanted to cover my ears to protect them. “Oooh! You’re the best!” Throwing her arms around my neck, she hugged me before walking off to her next class.

The locker to my left closed with a slam.

“Please do us all a favor and just sleep with her already. I can’t take any more of her obnoxious flirting.” The voice was so soft I almost hadn’t heard it.

Whipping around, I found the owner of those outrageous words. Olivia Mason. Until this moment, I hadn’t been sure she had a voice. Maybe I had imagined what she’d just said. Because surely, the minister’s daughter wouldn’t condone premarital sex.

“I’m sorry?” I asked in disbelief.

Hugging a book tight to her chest, sea-green eyes stared back at me. “She seems like a sure bet, so why drag it out?”

“I’m not that kind of guy,” I protested.

Olivia snorted. “Yeah, sure.”

Moving forward, I placed one hand against the locker beside her head. “I don’t sleep around.”

Rolling her eyes, she countered, “And I’m supposed to believe that? The most popular guy in school? The star athlete? And he’s not cashing in on the ‘perks’?” That last word was accompanied by air quotes around the grasp she had on her book.

Leaning in closer, I enjoyed the way her breath caught in her throat. Whispering next to her ear, I said, “What would you happen to know about perks, Liv?”

The sweet sound of her gasp was music to my ears. Pulling back a few inches, I watched as a blush crept onto her cheeks.

I couldn’t be sure what possessed me to flirt full-on with Reverend Mason’s daughter after she accused me of sleeping around. I wanted to prove her wrong. I hadn’t been lying. Cassie drove me up the wall. She was too forward.

“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Liv.” Her big green eyes widened a touch when I called her by that nickname a second time. “I’m bored of the girls who throw themselves at me. I want a girl where I have to work for it. Where we get to know each other first and become friends rather than lovers. There’s more to be had in life than meaningless physical relationships.”

Her only response was for those lush lips to part slightly. God, I was this close to needing to lower my own books to cover my crotch. A few words from Olivia—no, she was Liv now, at least to me—and I was rethinking everything.

In the past few minutes, she showed more of herself to me than I’d seen her give anyone in the past seven years I’d known her. What made me so special? And what more was she hiding beneath that seemingly shy exterior?

Giving her a lopsided grin, I asked, “Are you coming to my game on Friday night?”

Glancing around to see if anyone was watching us, her beautiful eyes refocused on my face. “I-I don’t know.”

“You should think about it,” I suggested. “If I’m going to score a goal for anyone, it’s going to be you. Might be nice to see it.”

Watching the way her pulse pounded at the base of her throat was more than satisfying, and I gave her a wink before walking away.

Liv Mason, who knew?

That day had been the start of it all. She had come to my game that weekend, and I had scored a goal for her. We spent weeks getting to know each other with light conversations during the short time between periods. Over the course of several months, our unlikely friendship grew into something more. Then, the sneaking around started. We all knew how that had turned out.

Soft snores came from the slumped form against my side, and I scooped up Knox and carried him to bed. Tucking him in with a kiss on his forehead, he didn’t stir once. Ruefully, I glanced at the bedside clock. She wasn’t even here, but Liv had gotten her way. Our boy was in bed on time.

Returning to the family room, I tried to get comfortable on the worn-out couch. It was lumpy, and a spring poked me in the back when I shifted the wrong way.

In my restlessness, my mind wandered to Liv on her date. Was Dave putting the moves on her, regardless of the scare tactics and bad advice I’d given him? Suddenly, I was hot under the collar for more reasons than the lack of air conditioning in the house.

Standing, I began to pace. Checking my watch, I watched as the night sped on. By eleven o’clock, I was a frantic mess. What had they been doing for almost five hours? Dinner and a movie didn’t take that long. What if they’d gone somewhere else? Like back to his place? I couldn’t bear the thought, and my fists clenched at my side as I wore a bare patch in the carpet beneath my feet.

Just when I was about to blow my top and wake Knox to go search for her in my car, I heard the telltale sound of a car door slamming shut outside.

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Chapter 12

Liv

Taylor had finally worn me down and gotten me to agree to the blind date with Dave down in peds. Deep down, the deciding factor was feeling lonely with how much time Knox spent with Benji. I couldn’t begrudge my son time with his father, but it still made me feel sad, like I wasn’t enough, wasn’t needed as much.

So, when Taylor asked for the millionth time, I said, “Yes.”

The fight with Benji almost had me calling Dave to cancel. Honestly, I’d been looking for a way to get out of it. The nerves were getting to me.

If we were being technical, I hadn’t ever “officially” gone on a date before. Hanging out with Benji and falling in love under the cover of night in an open field didn’t qualify as a date. No man had ever taken me out, picking up the bill.

And no, the morning with Benji in the diner didn’t count, either. I hadn’t eaten, and it certainly hadn’t been a romantic meeting.

Was that what this was with Dave? I sure hoped not.

As far as I was concerned, we were strangers who worked in the same building. A first date should be about getting to know one another. I wasn’t ready to jump headfirst into a relationship. I had Knox to consider. He was at the forefront of any decision I made about my life. He came first. Period.

Nervously, I tried on every “nice” outfit I had in my closet, which didn’t take long. Most of my better items of clothing were what I wore to church. I had no budget to buy something new, not that I was tripping over myself to impress someone I hardly knew.

Settling on a dipped floral sleeveless swing dress, I went for broke and even put on some eyeshadow and mascara.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d made myself up like this. There had been no need.

Steeling my nerves with a hand pressed against my stomach, I opened the door to my bedroom, only to come face to face with Benji in the kitchen. My anxiety shot through the roof as he stared at me without a word, but his eyes turned to liquid silver as they scanned me from head to toe.

Unfortunately, everything went downhill from there.

First, it was Benji trying to butt in on decisions that weren’t his to make when it came to cutting Knox’s hair. Then, it was the argument over an appropriate bedtime. But those paled in comparison to the moment when I walked out the front door to meet my date, and he leered at me while licking his lips like I was his next meal.

Talk about giving a girl the ick. My body’s involuntary reaction was to shudder at the salacious look in his eyes.

When Benji eyed me up, I’d felt desired, beautiful even. But Dave’s reaction made me feel cheap. Like he was only interested in one thing tonight.

Spoiler alert: that wasn’t happening.

Remembering I was raised to be polite, I made a mental vow to get through this date and to let him down gently at the end of the night.

It couldn’t get worse, right?

“So, Olivia, how long have you been working at UP Gen?” Dave asked from across the table of the Italian restaurant he’d brought me to that was closer to work than home.

I frowned. That was at least the third time he’d called me Olivia tonight. No one at work used that name.

Focusing on the question, I replied, “Just hit my fourth anniversary. How about you?”

He stuffed a breadstick in his mouth, chewing as he answered, “Six for me.”

It took everything in my power not to try and shield my face from the pieces of chewed-up bread being spat in my direction as he talked with his mouth full. If this was the kind of guy Taylor thought was some prize, the girl had low standards. Maybe this was a prank, and she would be laughing it up on our next shift together about how she’d tricked me into going out with this mannerless man.

“You’ve got me beat.” I forced a laugh. Perhaps I could pretend to be sick, and he would take me home early.

“Time flies if you love what you do.” The genuine smile on Dave’s face had me reconsidering a desperate attempt to ditch this date. This guy worked with kids and clearly enjoyed it. My conscience told me that I should give him a second chance.

Sympathetically, I said, “I can only imagine how hard it is working with sick kids. It breaks my heart every time one of our babies on the unit requires a transfer for more intensive care.”

He nodded. “There are the occasional tough days, but most of them are good. Those little guys and gals are troopers.”

I replied, “Nothing like a little perspective to make you appreciative of the good health of your own child.”

Dave choked on his water, sputtering and coughing loudly. His sudden reaction to my first vague mention of Knox tonight had me wondering if Taylor had omitted the detail that I was a mother when setting up this date.

Raising an eyebrow as he seemingly recovered, I asked, “Are you all right?”

Nodding, he took a few deep breaths, ensuring his airway was clear before speaking. “Yeah. No biggie. Just forgot how to swallow for a moment.” Strained laughter accompanied his words.

I didn’t believe him but let it slide. The last thing I needed was to make this night more awkward than it already was.

We continued with small talk, getting to know each other better, and I came to find that Dave was an avid outdoorsman. He sure didn’t seem like the type, and I reminded myself that I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge a book by its cover. Looks could be deceiving.

The conversation circled around to what I did in my free time as our plates piled high with pasta arrived from the kitchen.

Spinning my fork and gathering a bite of alfredo-covered noodles, I replied, “Honestly, I don’t have much free time. I work nights, sleeping away the morning and early afternoons on those days, and then Knox keeps me busy until it’s time to pass out again.”

Dave looked like he was about to choke again but managed to swallow the bite of food in his mouth without incident.

I was suddenly very aware that I hadn’t imagined his reaction earlier. It was about Knox. If he couldn’t deal with the fact that I came with a kid—a freaking amazing one—then I was fully prepared to tell him where he could go. He worked with kids, but my having one was a problem? What a hypocrite.

He must have felt the tension radiating off me as I switched into mama bear mode because Dave averted his eyes, staring at his food.

Clearing his throat, he looked up. “Olivia, I think you’re a really great girl, but I don’t want any trouble with Knox’s dad.”

Knox’s dad . . .

Oh my God. Benji.

He’d opened the door tonight. At least, he’d alluded to doing so.

Panic gripped me that Benji had run his mouth to my date out of spite. The room began to spin, and I held onto the table for dear life.

He wouldn’t be that petty. Would he?

He’s capable of anything right now. He’s not the same boy you used to know.

My voice trembled when I replied, “Knox’s dad isn’t exactly in the picture.” That wasn’t a complete lie.

Dave nodded, giving me a sympathetic smile. “I know.”

“You know?” I repeated in a daze.

Folding his hands on the table, Dave said, “Look, I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. My talk with Benji was very enlightening.”

“Benji,” I breathed out. The floor looked hard—it would hurt like hell when I hit the deck. A dark haze crept into the corners of my vision, but I forced out, “He talked to you about Knox’s dad?”

“Told me all about him,” he confirmed. Eyeing my reaction, he added, “You look terrified—maybe you should file a restraining order. Protect yourself and Knox.”

That was where he lost me.

“Huh?” Why would I need a restraining order from Benji? I wasn’t scared of him, only of my secret coming out and throwing Knox’s world into chaos.

“I have sisters. If any one of them got mixed up with a guy so bad he was convicted of a violent crime, I’d make sure they took the necessary steps to protect themselves.”

Wait a minute. Back it up. Violent crime? What is he talking about?

While I tried to piece together the weird words he was saying, Dave leaned forward, lowering his voice. “I hate to pry, but I have a hard time seeing you getting mixed up with a guy like that. What exactly did he do that got him sent to prison? Did he hurt you?”

Prison? Hurt me? What the hell?

Like a bolt of lightning, the realization hit me.

Freaking Benji.

Confusion was replaced by anger. He’d purposely told this unwitting guy that Knox’s dad was violent and in jail. Suddenly, Dave’s use of my legal name made sense, too. Benji was trying to sabotage my date. I bet he had a good laugh about it after I left.

Buckle up, buddy. Two can play at this game.

Giving him a sad smile, I replied, “I don’t like to talk about it.”

Dave nodded in understanding. “Of course. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay. Knox doesn’t really remember him. He’s been gone so long. He’ll be grown by the time he gets out—that is, if they grant him parole. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh.” There was a hint of surprise in Dave’s tone. Apparently, my story was slightly different than Benji’s—less aimed at scaring him off.

Good.

It was time to teach Benji a lesson.

Taking a sip of my water, I asked Dave, “Did I hear you mention going to a movie later?”

Hopeful, far less scared brown eyes met mine. “I did. You wanna go?”

“Oh, I haven’t been to a movie theater in so long,” I gushed. “I would love to.” Anything to prolong this date and make Benji sweat. “Was there any particular film you had in mind?”

Cautiously, he replied, “There was this action flick that came out last week I wanted to see. But I’m open to anything.”

“Action sounds perfect.” I gave Dave a bright smile.

I could use those couple of hours gathering all kinds of inspiration on the ways I was going to kill Benji for meddling in my life when I got home.

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Chapter 13

Liv

I was exhausted from fending off Dave’s advances in a darkened movie theater, but the night was still young. When he suggested grabbing ice cream for dessert afterward, I leapt at the chance to kill more time.

Benji could sit at home and sweat.

He thought he was so smart, feeding Dave false intel. What if he had been my soulmate? He wasn’t, but that was beside the point. It wasn’t Benji’s job to play God in my life.

After ice cream and an almost half-hour drive back to my house, it was nearing midnight. Seeing the shadow of the man pacing behind the blinds drawn on the family room window had me catching my second wind. I was ready to put Benji in his place once and for all. He might have a say in certain parts of Knox’s life, but he had no right to have a say in mine.

Exiting Dave’s pickup truck, the heavy door shut louder than I expected, and I winced.

So much for the element of surprise.

Thanking Dave for a lovely evening, I turned my head when he moved in for a kiss, allowing his lips to graze my cheek. He gave me a sad smile when he pulled back, taking the final hint that I wasn’t interested in a repeat date.

Sorry, dude. Even if you were a bonafide knight in shining armor come to save me, my life is too messy to drag anyone else into it right now.

Walking up the three steps onto my porch, I turned and gave him a tiny wave. Blood boiling, I turned my key in the lock and pushed the door open.

Benji whipped around, his hair sticking out in every direction, eyes wild. “Where the hell have you been?!”

Oh, no. He didn’t get to be indignant about my staying out late.

He’d messed with the wrong girl tonight.

Casually dropping my purse next to where I’d shucked my shoes, I shrugged. “Maybe I was hanging out with my ex-con baby daddy?”

That stunned him for a moment. But not for long, though. Steely gray eyes hardening, his jaw clenched so tight it was a wonder he could get words out through it. “How many men have there been?”

Unfortunately for Benji, the Liv who’d walked through the door tonight was ready for a fight.

Hands on my hips, I shot back, “Is that what tonight was about? A pissing contest?”

Rolling his eyes, he replied, “That guy? Seriously? I was doing you a favor. He was a total douche.”

It didn’t matter that he had Dave nailed. He’d crossed the line.

Stepping forward instead of shrinking back, I poked him hard in the chest. “That’s. None. Of your. Business. It’s been nine years since you and I have been together. You don’t get a say in who I see, who I choose to be with.” My voice rose with conviction.

As I tried to walk past him and into the kitchen, he snagged my wrist from behind, tugging me back and spinning me into his chest.

Growling, there was a fire in his eyes. “You’re forgetting something. I do have a say in who you bring around my son. So, I’ll ask again. How many men have there been? In this house, with you—with our son—ready to play daddy to my boy?”

This was a possessive side I’d never seen from him. It stole my breath away, and my stupid body responded—nipples hardening painfully and a dull throbbing growing between my legs.

Then, reality crashed over me. He wasn’t possessive of me. It was all about Knox.

I shoved against him with my free hand, and he released me from his grasp. I opened my mouth, but he spoke before I could say a word. “No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

Pain flashed across his face, and my anger ebbed. Even after everything he’d done tonight, I never wanted to hurt Benji. Piss him off? Sure. He deserved a little retribution. But the anguish written across his features as he stumbled back from where I stood, dropping onto the couch, filled me with remorse.

Softly, I put him out of his misery. “There have been no men, Benji.”

Lost gray eyes looked up at me. “What?”

Closing my eyes, I groaned. “Are you really going to make me repeat it?”

“Yes,” came his dazed reply. “Because I’m not sure I heard you right the first time.”

I forced myself to look at him. Benji stared at me, eyes about to bug out of his head. Clearly, it was too outrageous for someone like him—who changed bedpartners more frequently than he changed his socks—to fathom that anyone would remain celibate for nearly nine years.

Throwing my arms wide in defeat, I sighed. “I said, there’s been no one. Happy now?” When he didn’t reply to my rhetorical question, I continued, “What did you expect to happen? I was the only unwed mother this town had ever seen. If my dad wasn’t the revered Reverend Mason, I’d have been strung up in the town square as an example to all the young girls to keep their legs closed. So, no. There’s been no one else. Not since the day you walked out of my life.”

Heat crept up my cheeks as the weight of my admission settled like a blanket over the room. Collapsing onto the nearby armchair, I dropped my head into my hands.

“Can you please leave now?” I begged, my voice muffled.

“You think I’m going to walk out of here after you dropped that bomb on me?” Benji asked incredulously.

Glancing up, I hated the way my lip trembled. “Please.” The word was barely above a whisper.

“No.” Benji shook his head sharply. “Not until you explain why you never moved on. And don’t use this town’s narrow-mindedness as an excuse.” Practically sneering, he added, “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

Why couldn’t he let this drop? You’d think he would be thrilled after his fit of jealous rage, demanding to know who else had touched me.

He wasn’t just the only man I’d ever been intimate with but also the only man I’d ever kissed. If we wanted to nitpick, he hadn’t exactly been a man then. All I’d known in my life was the touch of a boy. The same boy—grown into a man—staring at me in disbelief now.

“Because I became a mom,” I huffed. “I poured everything into Knox.”

The shocked look on Benji’s face morphed into indignation. “You’re blaming me?”

I shook my head. “No. Simply stating a fact. I’d rather spend every spare moment with him than trying to find a man. I do just fine on my own.”

Benji swallowed, his voice gravelly as he asked, “You’re telling me that no other man’s hands have been on your body.”

My mouth went dry. The hunger in his eyes brought that dull throbbing back between my thighs. “Uh, yeah.”

“Oh, Liv.” He tsked. “That’s a fucking tragedy.”

Molten pools of silver stared back at me, and the huskiness of his voice sent a shiver down my spine.

I couldn’t understand how we went from ready to kill each other to turned on in a matter of minutes. I guess it was true what they said about there being a thin line between love and hate.

Shrugging, hoping to end this conversation so Benji would finally leave and I could ease the ache between my thighs in the privacy of my darkened bedroom, I replied, “As I said, I do just fine all on my own.”

Too late, I realized my mistake. Benji’s eyes widened, understanding that my meaning had more to do with sexual satisfaction than domestic independence.

Rising from the couch, he knelt between my slightly parted legs. His chest rose and fell rapidly, and the puffs of air escaping his mouth caressed my face. My heart hammered so hard against my ribcage that I feared it might break right out of my chest.

What is he doing?

Benji swallowed, and I watched his Adam’s apple bob along his throat. If he hadn’t been keeping my thighs apart with his body, I would have clenched them together. I was desperate, squirming in my seat, needing relief.

Reaching both hands up, he cupped my cheeks, teasing the soft flesh there with the roughened pads of his thumbs. Eyes never leaving mine, he rasped, “You deserve to feel good.”

Heat blossomed across my cheeks, and I broke eye contact, whispering, “I do.”

“It’s not the same.”

Emboldened, having this man on his knees for me, I glanced up, responding, “You’re right. It’s better.”

I knew I was poking the bear. I was throwing shade at his physical prowess, hoping to provoke a reaction. Why? My brain couldn’t tell you, but I was sure my body had a pretty good idea.

Sex with Benji had been my only point of reference, and years later, I’d discovered the intense release of climax for the first time, all on my own. From the grumblings of some women I knew, that wasn’t uncommon. Men always got off during sex, but women’s needs were often left unmet. Why else would there be a multi-billion-dollar industry dedicated to female sex toys? Not that I knew much about that. Even if they came in discreet packaging, they were expensive, and my mom was too helpful in bringing in and opening my mail for me to chance ordering one. So, I took care of things the old-fashioned way.

“Better?” Benji scoffed before dropping his hands from my face to my bare knees below the hem of my dress, rubbing scorching circles on my flesh. “Oh, pretty girl, you have no idea what you’ve been missing out on.”

A flush crept up my neck again at that old nickname.

Standing, Benji held his hand out to me. When I raised an eyebrow in question, he commanded, “Come on. Stand up.”

Taking his hand, I allowed him to help me up. Circling his arms around my waist, he brought me flush against his chest, and I felt his erection growing where our hips met.

Shaking my head, I managed to force out, “I’m not having sex with you.”

Touching his forehead to mine, his voice was hoarse. “Who said anything about sex? You have a lot to learn. And it’s time for me to teach you a lesson. When I’m done with you, whatever you’re doing in the dark by yourself won’t be able to scratch that itch anymore. You’ll need a man’s touch, taking you higher and higher. Wringing so much pleasure from your body that you can barely think, let alone move, and your voice is raw from screaming.”

A gasp tore up my throat without warning at his words, and a rush of moisture pooled between my thighs.

Not needing a response, Benji pulled me with him toward the couch. Releasing me for a moment, he sat down. Eyes locked on mine, he grasped my hips, spinning me around and gently tugging me to sit on his lap.

In this position, I could feel the hard length of him pressing against my ass, and when I shifted, trying to gain friction where I needed it, Benji let out a pained groan. His grip tightened on my hips, halting my movement as he reclined further on the couch, pulling my upper body to rest atop his.

Lips next to my ear where my head lay against his chest, he whispered, “All I want you to do is relax. Let me take care of you.”

Hands sliding down, he eased my legs to the outside of his thighs, spreading me open as the skirt of my dress shifted upward. Only a few inches of fabric now concealed my panties from his view.

Fingertips teased the sensitive flesh of my inner thighs, inching upward as my breath caught in my throat. Memories of stolen moments in the Maynards’ fields flooded my mind, but I was quickly brought back to the present with Benji’s breath hot in my ear.

“Do you know how fucking crazy it makes me to know that I’m the only one who has ever touched you like this?” His deepened voice had me spreading my legs wider, silently begging him to move faster in his ascent.

A chuckle rumbled through his chest, and I moaned as it vibrated my body atop his.

“Patience,” he teased.

My head thrashed side to side restlessly. I didn’t have patience. My body was on fire, and I wanted the inferno to consume me. I wanted Benji to consume me. It had been so long. I needed this more than I’d realized.

“Please,” I begged, almost whining.

The smile was audible in his voice. “You always did have impeccable manners, Liv. Since you asked so nicely . . .”

Words trailed off as he skimmed his hands further up my thighs, stopping right next to where I ached for his touch. Lifting my hips, I tried to make contact with the fingers teasing the edges of my panties.

Instead of dipping inside as I expected, he moved over the fabric with teasing touches. A frustrated sound clawed its way up my throat. Why couldn’t he just put me out of my misery already? He had to know what this was doing to me.

Knowing he was never one to back down from a challenge, I taunted, desperate for more, “What’s the matter, Benji? Are you one of those guys who needs a diagram?”

Growling in my ear, his voice dropped even lower. “Be careful what you wish for. I was taking it easy on you because it’s been a while, but if you’re going to get smart with me, the gloves are coming off.”

God, yes. Please take them off.

Without another word of warning, Benji gripped my bare thigh with one hand and eased beneath the waistband of my panties with the other. Two fingers circled my clit, and I gasped, hips rising to meet his touch.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“Yes,” I moaned. “More, please.”

Sliding those two fingers further down, he barely pressed the tips to my entrance before I was writhing on his lap, trying to take him deeper. Gathering the moisture he encountered there and spreading it over my clit, he groaned. “Fuck, Liv. You’re soaking wet.”

Words escaped me as he rubbed firm circles over my heated flesh. Desperate and needy, I thrust upward, chasing the release racing toward me with every pass of his fingers. Right when I was on the edge, his movements stilled, and I couldn’t control the whimper that slipped past my lips.

“Easy, baby,” Benji coaxed in my ear. “ Don’t worry. I wouldn’t leave you like this. Although, you’re a fucking sight to behold seconds away from coming.”

Panting as pleasure hung just out of reach, I didn’t have the mental capacity to reply. My body took over, squirming on top of him, trying to get him to do something, anything. I needed relief from the overwhelming tension flooding every fiber of my being more than I needed air.

Taking the hint, Benji moved his hand lower, pushing one finger deep inside me, and we both groaned. My body hugged the digit, stretching around it. But my only thought was that I needed more. This wasn’t enough. I wanted everything with him.

“Holy shit,” he panted in my ear. “You’re so goddamn tight. I don’t think I can get another finger in.”

Arching my hips upward to take him deeper, I moaned desperately, “Please.”

Pulling the first finger out, he teased my clit with a few passes before probing at me with two fingers. Gently, he pushed past the resistance that made me wince, but I remained silent. I couldn’t risk a sound that would make him stop. I was sure I would die if he didn’t keep going.

Halfway in, Benji breathed out, “My dick is going to destroy this pussy.”

The warmth that flooded his fingers leaked out past them, and he slid them in up to the knuckles. Groaning, I shifted against the feeling of fullness.

“That’s it.” His encouraging words reached my brain through a haze of lust. “You’re doing so well.”

He curled those fingers inside me, and I saw stars behind my closed eyes as blinding pleasure tore through me. Stroking me on the inside, his palm ground on the outside, creating a delicious friction that had me climbing higher and higher. Both of my hands gripped Benji’s forearm, nails digging into the flesh in a desperate attempt to keep him there.

Never stopping his rhythm, Benji grunted. “I’m going to shatter this perfect body and enjoy every moment of putting it back together.”

His hips bucked beneath me, only adding to the overwhelming effect of his words and his hand. They created a mental image of him over me, pulsing into me with his hard cock instead of his fingers. My inner walls spasmed against him at the thought, and he bit into the side of my neck to stifle his own groan.

A familiar tingling sensation gathered between my thighs, threatening to overtake the rest of my body. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt this was going to be the orgasm to end all orgasms, just as Benji had promised. I would never be able to recreate this feeling, this connection I had with him. It blew anything we’d shared years ago out of the water.

Back bowing, mouth open in a silent scream as the wave was poised to crash over me, a tiny voice reached my ears. “Mom?”

Both of us froze.

Almost too terrified to open my tightly sealed eyes as my so-close-I-could-taste-it climax slipped away, I steeled my nerves and prepared to face the consequences of losing myself to a moment of passion head-on.

Blinking against the brightness of the room, I found it empty.

Thank God for small favors.

Explaining to Knox why Benji’s hand was down my underwear while I sat on his lap was not a conversation I would enjoy having. That discomfort would be fleeting compared to the embarrassment that would follow because eight-year-olds weren’t the best at keeping things secret. I was already a sinner in the eyes of the community, but hearing an account of my sexual activities from my son wouldn’t do me any favors, only serving to bring shame upon my parents.

Thoughts of Knox were enough to act as the bucket of ice water I needed to cool the flames of desire and remind me of all the reasons I couldn’t afford to be careless anymore.

Using my grip on Benji’s forearm, I tugged and met no resistance as his hand slipped from my body.

Standing, I smoothed my skirt down my legs and took a few shaky steps across the room. Forcing myself to turn around, I faced Benji, still seated on the couch, legs spread. The bulge in his jeans strained against the zipper of his fly, and I told myself to snap out of it. I wasn’t a horny teenager anymore. I had a son to take care of and consider before making any decisions for myself.

What had I been thinking? What had he been thinking, for that matter?

We couldn’t just pick up where we’d left off because of Knox. It wasn’t that easy.

Isn’t it?

I shook my head to clear it of that ridiculous notion. At the end of the summer, Benji would fly off to his child-free life. If I wasn’t careful, he could leave my life in shambles for the second time. I couldn’t afford the risk.

Tilting my head toward Knox’s bedroom, my voice was thick, explaining, “You wanted to know why? I think it’s fairly obvious now. Knox comes first. Always.”

Benji had been a statue to this point, but I watched as his vision cleared and my words sank in. Standing suddenly, he raked a hand across his face. My eyes widened when I saw it was the very same hand that had been inside me moments ago. Swiping it across his mouth, my knees threatened to buckle when the pink tip of his tongue darted out and tasted the shine left behind from his wet fingers.

Gripping the wall separating the family room from the kitchen, I struggled to hold myself upright and gather my bearings.

It was clear we came from entirely different worlds. Benji came from one where he had all the time in the world to hone his sexual skills, probably gaining enough experience with random women to do things in bed I hadn’t even heard of. I came from one where I’d nursed our son until my nipples bled, and I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in eight years because I’d put the needs of my child before my own.

We were no longer compatible. I wasn’t sure we ever had been.

“It’s probably best that you go,” I said weakly. “Thanks for keeping an eye on Knox tonight.”

Nodding in a daze, Benji shoved both hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Yeah. Sure. Anytime.” Walking to the door, he looked over his shoulder. “Night, Liv.”

Closing my eyes, I whispered, “Night, Benji.” By the time I reopened them, he was gone.

I was back to being alone. It was almost as if the events of the past half hour hadn’t happened. It was probably for the best.

Benji and I were co-parents and nothing more.

Sure, keep telling yourself that.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 14

Liv

I was used to Benji invading my dreams—he’d done so for nine years now—but what I wasn’t used to was him starring in them in a sexual capacity. We weren’t talking memories of past hurried trysts where we’d kept most of our clothing on. These were full-on, pornographic-style dreams of us as the adults we were now that often had me waking up breathless in the middle of the night, sweaty and with my hand down my pajama shorts in an attempt to ease the ache.

Nothing came close to Benji’s touch, just as he’d promised.

Damn him.

He hadn’t even gotten me off that night, but he’d ruined me all the same.

Having worked the previous night, when I awoke sexually frustrated for at least the seventh night in a row, my clock read noon. Groaning into my pillow, I forced myself to get out of bed.

Benji had Knox, so I probably had a few hours to get myself together before they returned from their standard rink and lunch date.

Knox adored Benji. And why wouldn’t he? Benji got all the perks and none of the hard parts that came with parenthood. Benji wasn’t in charge of enforcing bedtimes and rules or the one trying to instill good values that Knox would carry with him for the rest of his life.

Everything was fun for the two of them. Benji might as well be a cool, much older brother at this point.

It was going to break his little heart when Benji left. Their time together was running out, and I was facing down whatever custody arrangement Benji would demand. I wasn’t naïve enough to think he’d walk away for good after spending time with Knox—that little boy had the ability to work his way into anyone’s heart. And Benji wasn’t going to remain content with the role he currently held in his son’s life.

Sooner rather than later, he would want Knox to know he was his dad.

The clock was ticking on the secret I’d held close for nine years. I was going to have to put on my big-girl panties and deal with it.

I wasn’t ashamed of Knox or who his father was. I just hated the passing of judgment. Enough time had passed that gossip had died down—not only surrounding Knox’s existence but his paternity. This bombshell would reopen the discussion and remind everyone that I was the fallen woman. Knox was old enough to hear the whispers now, and I didn’t want that for him. He didn’t deserve to carry the weight of my “sin.” He was innocent in all this.

Running fingers through my tangled hair—having showered after work and gone to bed with it still wet—I stretched before venturing from my bedroom.

The moment I opened the door, I sensed something was off. Music filtered from the family room, so I headed there first.

Knox sat on the floor, some kind of white controller in his hand as he stared mindlessly at the TV, mouth drooping open.

“Knox? What are you doing home?” I asked, but he didn’t even acknowledge my presence.

Anger simmered beneath my skin at the thought of Benji dropping him off early and bolting without doing a proper handoff. Was he that self-absorbed that he didn’t think of how dangerous it would be for me not to know that Knox was home? What if Knox had decided to play down the street? I wouldn’t have known where he was. He was eight years old! He couldn’t be counted on to watch himself, whether I was sleeping ten feet away or not.

I was about to head back into my room to grab my phone and give Benji a verbal tongue-lashing when I did a double-take at the image on the TV. Digitized, topless women were on the screen.

“What in the world?!” I screeched.

Speaking of the devil, Benji’s voice came from the kitchen. “What? What happened?”

He came into view, and I saw red. Pointing at the TV, I said through gritted teeth, “Care to explain this?”

Stepping past me so he could see what I was talking about, his eyes widened, and he had to hide a chuckle behind his hand. “Oh, shit.”

“Not. Funny.” My words were clipped as I pictured all the ways I could inflict bodily harm on this man. Decapitation came to mind, but a swift shot to the groin held a certain appeal.

Schooling his features, Benji glanced at the half-naked women on my television before he addressed our son. “Knox, bud, what are you doing? This wasn’t the game you were playing when I left the room.”

Knox continued to stare at the TV, not even blinking.

Panicked, I screamed, “Knox!”

Something must have clicked for Benji because he reached forward, turning off the TV.

Blinking, coming out of a daze, Knox looked up. “What?”

I didn’t have the words, so I shot a pointed look at Benji. He was clearly responsible for this mess, so he could clean it up.

The jerk was still trying to hold back his laughter, having no clue how close he was to losing a testicle. That would surely put a damper on his promiscuous sex life.

“Knox, what were you doing? How did you get out of the car game?” Benji asked.

He was still gripping the controller tightly in his hands, and my brain finally began to process what was going on. Turning to the TV, I saw a glowing game console off to the side. If I hadn’t been upset enough about Knox ogling naked women, Benji trying to buy him tipped the scales.

Breathing out through my nose, I tried to keep my cool long enough to get a moment with Benji alone. This was not how you parented.

Knox peered up at us with his soft gray eyes. “I was in the same game. I stole a car, got out, and went into a building with colorful signs that glowed.”

My head whipped to Benji. “Stealing cars?”

He shrugged. “It’s just a game.”

Okay, I’d had enough.

“Knox, stay here and watch regular TV for a minute. I need to talk to Benji outside.”

Staring daggers at the father of my child, I didn’t say a word before stomping out the front door, down the porch steps, and onto my front lawn.

Following behind, I heard the screen door slam, signaling Benji’s pursuit. Spinning around, I no longer kept my fury in check, screaming, “What the hell, Benji?!”

Crossing his arms, he showed no signs of remorse. “It’s not a big deal. I left him alone for five minutes to get a cup of coffee. How was I supposed to know there was a strip club in the game?”

His chuckle reached me, and I stepped forward to shove him with both hands. Satisfaction shot through me when he stumbled back.

Waving my hands around, I asked, “Is all of this a game to you? Because right now, that’s the impression I get. If that’s the case, you can fly right back off to Connecticut or wherever you came from and leave me to raise my son in peace.”

Face hardening, he gritted out, “No. It’s not a game, Liv. But he’s a kid. He should be allowed to have fun.”

My jaw dropped. “This is what you consider fun? Buying off our son with fancy gifts? Ducking out on the real responsibilities of being a parent?” He opened his mouth to respond, but I shot off more questions before he could. “What are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be at the rink?”

Benji’s eyes shifted behind me, and I whipped around, noticing Billy Turner’s HVAC truck parked on the street.

“Wha—what did you do?” I turned to face Benji, eyes narrowed.

“Hey, Liv!” Billy’s friendly voice called out as he rounded the back of my house.

Suddenly very aware that I was standing outside in my pajamas at noon, I hugged my middle, forcing a smile. “Hi, Billy.”

He stopped before us. “Almost finished out back. A little late in the season to be installing a unit, though. Before you know it, we’ll be back to freezing-cold nights.”

“Uh, thanks?” I had no idea what he was talking about.

“Give me another hour, and I’ll be out of your hair.” He remained oblivious to my confusion. “You should tell Knox to come by sometime. Mickey is missing him with all the time he’s spending at the rink.” Billy glanced at Benji with admiration. “Wouldn’t it be something to have two kids from Wardale make it big?”

Glaring at Benji, I replied, “Oh yeah, it would be something, all right.”

“Better get back to it so you’re cool enough to sleep comfortably tonight,” Billy said. “Just came out to the truck to grab a water.”

We watched in silence as Billy pulled a cooler from the back of his pickup and disappeared behind my house.

I gestured an arm in that direction, staring daggers at Benji. “Is this why you didn’t go to the rink today? And don’t think you’re off the hook for the video game system, either.”

“Yes,” Benji huffed. “Billy said he could come out today, so Knox and I popped over to Sault Sainte Marie to get something to entertain him and keep him quiet while the AC unit was being installed. I didn’t want him to wake you.”

“Back it up to the part about an AC unit.”

Raising an eyebrow, he challenged, “What about it?”

“This isn’t your house!” I yelled.

“Thank God for that,” Benji muttered under his breath.

There it was again, the condescension about our living situation. I was getting sick of it.

“Therefore,” I continued, “you don’t get to make decisions pertaining to its operations. We are just fine without air conditioning.”

He scoffed. “Give me a break. You can downplay it all you want, but I’ve been in that house late at night. It’s a fucking oven. Maybe you’re blind to it because you spend three nights a week at the hospital, where I know they are climate-controlled. But Knox is here every night. Weren’t you saying the other night that he comes first? And now that I’m thinking of him, you want to fight with me about it?”

Damn him for throwing my own words back at me.

Planting my hands on my hips, I asked, “And how is a video game about stealing cars putting Knox first?”

Benji ran a hand through his hair, messing it up, before sighing. “I don’t know.”

Walking past him, I sat down on the porch step. Peering up at where he still stood, I reined in my temper.

“I know you think what you’re giving him is enough because it’s more than you ever got from your dad, but that little guy inside deserves more than the bare minimum. He deserves to be cherished and loved. He deserves parents who would throw themselves in front of a bullet so he wouldn’t have to feel a single ounce of pain. But being a parent isn’t always fun and games. It’s hard work and a heavy responsibility to give him a proper example to follow so he turns out to be a good human being. It’s sleepless nights worried over whether you’re making the right choices and sacrifices you never saw yourself making. There are days when you think you’ll crack from the pressure of it all, but God, it’s so worth it to have him smiling up at you with unconditional love. So, you get up every day and keep at it.”

By the time I finished, there was a slight smile on my face but anguish on Benji’s.

Rubbing his jaw, his voice was pained. “I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, Liv, and with each day that passes, I come closer to falling off. How am I expected to step up as a parent when you would prefer I keep my distance and pretend to be his hockey fairy godmother? I’m playing the role you asked me to play, but when I do, you get upset. I can’t win.”

I had no words. Benji was right. I hadn’t let him be a parent, yet I held him to the same high standards I would expect of one.

While I tried to figure out a solution, Benji mused, “You know, it’s ironic. My best friend stepped in and became a father to three kids who weren’t his, and here I am, unable to tell my own son that I’m his dad.”

The sadness pouring from his words broke my heart. I knew I hadn’t been fair to him, but I was struggling to let go. Change was scary. Letting someone else in was terrifying. But Knox deserved better from me. So did Benji.

“You’re right.” I couldn’t bear to look at him when I said those words.

“Excuse me?” Benji’s shock was audible.

“You heard me.” I sighed. “I’ve been holding you to an impossible standard given the parameters of our agreement.”

Looking up, I saw his gray eyes wide, hopeful. “Does that mean . . .”

Holding up my hands, I replied, “Not yet.” Benji’s face fell. “But, if you want, we can work on you spending more time together. Outside of the rink. Provided you step up and begin the transition from friend to more of a parent.”

Nodding, he mulled it over. “How do I do that?”

“You can start by shutting down that game system and setting limits. That was your mess—you get to clean it up. Welcome to parenthood.”

Determination crossed his face. “I can do that.”

Stepping past me on the porch, he walked back into the house, and I had to scramble to get up and follow him to witness whatever he seemed so confident about.

Knox had moved to the couch and was worrying his bottom lip. When he saw us walk back in, he asked, “Am I in trouble?”

“No, squirt,” I said, setting his mind at ease.

Benji stepped up to take the lead on the conversation. “Bud, we gotta cool it on the video games. This one was a little too adult. That was my fault. I didn’t realize.”

Knox’s lower lip stuck out. “Aw, man, but I love the cars.”

Not backing down, Benji replied, “We can get a racing game that’s just as fun but more appropriate. This one had some things I wasn’t expecting, like nudity.”

Blinking up at us, Knox countered, “I’ve seen boobs before.”

“Oh?” Benji threw a side-eye at me, and I felt heat creeping up my neck.

“Yeah. I’ve showered with Mom.”

Oh my God. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die when Benji’s head fully turned, a mix of surprise and lust in his eyes.

Yes, I’d showered with my son when he was younger. I hadn’t been keen on leaving a toddler alone, even for ten minutes, so I would kill two birds with one stone and get both of us clean simultaneously. I never thought much of it until this moment.

Glossing over that comment, I said to Knox, “Either way, Benji said he’d get you some more age-appropriate games, which I think is very generous of him, especially after he bought you the game system to play them on. We can talk about daily time limits later. Why don’t you go out back and see if Billy needs any help with the final touches on the new AC unit?”

Knox’s eyes grew large. “Air conditioning? No way!” He jumped off the couch and out the back door in the kitchen, leaving me alone with Benji.

Steeling myself to look at Benji after the bomb Knox had dropped, I took a deep breath.

Before I could utter a word, his husky voice reached my ears. “I don’t think I’ve ever been jealous of an eight-year-old before. How do I work out a shower with Mom?”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to fight the rush of heat between my thighs. I had to be rational, thinking with my head and not my libido. For Knox.

“Instead of thinking about ways to get into my pants, why don’t we focus on how you can see Knox more?” I counted to three in my head and opened my eyes.

Benji licked his lips, staring at me like he wanted to devour me whole. I bit back a moan as he leaned in so close that I could smell his woodsy cologne. “I’ve already been inside your pants, pretty girl. And don’t pretend you didn’t love every minute of it.”

“Knox,” I breathed out. “We are talking about Knox.”

Smirking at me, he said, “Fine. Suit yourself. But if I can say one more thing?” My mind was hazy having him so close, his scent surrounding me, and I couldn’t formulate a reply, so he continued, “I haven’t stopped thinking about that night and what could have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted.”

What was he doing to me? My knees threatened to buckle as I struggled to draw in air with the vise grip squeezing my chest.

What would have happened if Knox hadn’t called out in the night, needing a glass of water? I’d been seconds away from probably the best orgasm of my life, and with how hard it was to please myself now, I would have probably craved another hit of that high. Lines would have been crossed, most likely leading to regret.

It was better this way. Sex would only confuse things and make me want something more—something I knew I couldn’t have. Benji didn’t belong to me, not anymore. But he would always belong to Knox, and I had to do everything in my power to preserve that relationship.

Knox comes first. Knox comes first.

Maybe if I repeated that mantra enough, my lady bits would get the message to cool it when Benji was around. Especially when he said things in that low, sexy voice that was aimed at turning me on.

He’s experienced. He knows the right things to say. He’s probably done this hundreds of times.

That reminder had my brain clearing, and I stepped back, gaining some much-needed breathing room.

Touching a hand to my heated cheek, I steered the conversation back to our son. “If you want, we can take him to the skate park later today. There’s one over in Avon Glen. He’s been dying to go there.”

Benji raised an eyebrow. “He can skateboard?”

Nodding my head, I chuckled. “He can do a lot of things. Until you showed up, I didn’t know he could play hockey.”

His lips curved into a proud smile. “You should see him out there, Liv. It’s unreal.”

The mood was lightening, so I teased, “Well, you seem to only go when I’m sleeping.”

Eyes lighting up, he rushed out, “Say the word, and we can schedule a day when you’re off. He would love to have you come watch.”

Even with all the fighting, Benji was extending an olive branch. I knew in my heart that I needed to take it. We would be working together to raise Knox for the next ten years, and that would require finding our way to making peace. We couldn’t continue on the way we were now, constantly at each other’s throats, fostering resentment. Moving forward was the only option.

“I’d like that.”

There, I did it.

It was a step—a small one, but a step in the right direction, nonetheless. Hopefully, it would be the first of many, and we could become amicable for Knox.

That little boy deserved the best from both of his parents.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 15

Benji

True to her word, Liv let me spend more time with Knox. Most of the time, she accompanied us on our outings. It was like we were a family—a mom, a dad, and their kid.

But there was one difference between us and a “real” family. Mom and Dad were definitely not getting it on.

My days were spent being taunted by her curvy lower half, hiding a constant erection in front of our son. Since that night in her family room, when she’d been so close to coming all over my hand, I had thought of nothing else—even going so far as to tell her as much. The tiny taste I’d gotten when rubbing my face afterward had me salivating for more. I wanted to bury my face between her thighs, a treat I hadn’t had the pleasure of when we were teenagers.

Honestly, it was probably better that I hadn’t—it would have likely been awful. Now, I was skilled with my tongue—and cock and fingers, if we were keeping count—and could treat her like a queen in bed, worshiping her the way she deserved.

Maybe I was just sex-deprived. That had to be it, right? This was the longest I’d gone without getting laid in years. A strong breeze was enough to get me hard right now.

If that were the case, then why is it her body you picture when you’re jerking off alone in your motel room?

Even that came with challenges.

It hadn’t taken long to realize I’d never seen Liv completely naked. Our previous sexual encounters had been rushed and in the dark. Since it’d been summer, she was often in skirts with easy access, and I would lower my pants enough to bury myself deep inside her. I was embarrassed that those fumbling, awkward few times served as her only frame of reference. She had no idea how good it could be between a man and a woman.

A wrong I very much wanted to right.

Something inside me snapped at her admission that I was the only man she’d ever been with. A sense of primal possession had taken over my body, and I knew in an instant that I didn’t want there to be another in her future.

She was mine. Only mine.

That thought, in and of itself, was so out of character for me, but everything had changed the moment I walked back into her life. How could it not? Priorities had shifted, and my view on life was forever altered.

Liv kept putting Knox at the forefront of our relationship, and rightfully so. He should be our top priority, but that didn’t mean we never took care of ourselves—something Liv hadn’t figured out.

Watching Jaxon and Natalie’s relationship over the years had shown me that having kids wasn’t the end of the romance and alone time. They carved out time for each other, and I’d never seen a couple more in love than the two of them. It was almost sickening.

Now, I found it inspiring.

I knew what Liv was doing. She was using Knox as an excuse—or, more accurately, a shield—to keep me at arm’s length. She was scared to open herself up again, leaving herself vulnerable to heartbreak, with the expectation that I would play daddy for a couple of months and move on.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I might’ve missed eight years with Knox, but there was plenty of time left in his childhood for me to make up for that lost time. And I had every intention of doing so.

That same time had also been lost with Liv. When I wasn’t giving myself the old tug and rub at night, I laid awake, wondering what life would’ve been like if she had told me about Knox sooner. We might have struggled early in my career, but we could have made it work.

There were so many firsts I would never get back with him—with both of them. I should have been there with her on the day he was born. I might’ve been a kid myself, with no idea how to be a father, but at the very least, I could have held her hand so she wasn’t alone.

Just thinking about the what-ifs had the power to drive me insane.

Being around Liv was making me insane.

I didn’t know what it was about her, but I couldn’t keep my emotions in check when she was near. I bounced between angry, happy, confused, frustrated—don’t forget turned on—at the drop of a dime. I never knew which version of myself she would coax from me without warning.

It was the anger that bothered me the most. That was something I’d worked so hard to eliminate from my life, and Liv brought it out in me so easily. I didn’t want Knox to see me like that and be scared that I would hurt him. I would never lay a hand on that boy, and my chest squeezed at the thought that he might ever think I would lash out at him in my rage.

For some reason, I couldn’t keep a lid on the anger that kept bubbling up in her presence. Liv knew which buttons to press to set me off.

Half the time, I didn’t know if I wanted to strangle her or fuck her brains out.

Maybe that was what had me so riled up. The sexual tension was so thick we could cut it with a knife.

I would kill to have my hands on her body again.

But sleeping with Liv wouldn’t be simple and absolutely would come with strings attached.

First—as she’d pointed out countless times—there was Knox to consider. Our relationship already was the furthest thing from casual. I didn’t want her to think I wanted her because it was easy or convenient. We shared a son and a past, but we weren’t the same people we had been nine years ago. We’d both grown up, changed by our life circumstances. There would be no picking up where we’d left off. It would have to be a complete reset.

Then, there was the fact that Liv wasn’t like the puck bunnies I was used to after years of being in the league. I wasn’t accustomed to it taking more than a glance and a tilted glass of alcohol to get them into bed. Liv deserved to be courted, wined and dined, treated like the rare gem she was—the one she didn’t realize she was.

If I decided to pursue Liv, I had to be ready to commit. She wouldn’t accept anything less, and why should she? She deserved the world. They both did.

I was a fool for walking away from her once. I couldn’t afford to make that mistake again. Liv was right before me, yet just out of reach. Getting to her was going to take a leap. One I’d never been willing to make before now. But letting her go wasn’t an option, and I would do whatever it took to show her that I was serious about becoming a permanent fixture in both of their lives.

A plan began to formulate in my mind. Liv needed the freedom to remember that she was more than just a mom. That I saw her as more than the mother of my child.

Grabbing my phone, I began making arrangements. Mom and Dad were about to have a night out on the town.

Dressed in khaki slacks and a navy blue button-down, I climbed the steps of Wardale Presbyterian Church, situated at the end of Main Street. Nervously, I wiped sweaty palms against the fabric of my pants, searching for the eight-year-old boy who had asked me so earnestly to attend the Sunday service that I couldn’t refuse.

The building had seen an expansion since I’d last been inside it. The assembly hall was wider now, featuring additional pews on the first floor, and second-floor balcony seating that overlooked the space. It made sense, considering the entire town attended church each Sunday.

Growing up, there had been three services to accommodate all those who wanted to come and worship, but the marquis outside now only listed two. While the consolidation relieved some of the load for Reverend Mason, it also meant there were even more people here than I’d been expecting—essentially, half the town.

I didn’t make it more than a few feet inside before eyes lit up and overeager townies stopped me every few steps. Congratulations on the championship were a soft lead-in to questions about why I was still in town. My teeth clenched when they mentioned hearing about the scholarship for Knox. I didn’t like the looks of pity when they talked about my son, praising me for doing a good thing for a kid without a dad.

Granted, I’d been ready to fund the scholarship before I knew of my relationship to Knox—he deserved it—but they spoke about my son like he was a charity case. There was judgment in their tones, too, and I knew it was directed at Liv.

My mind warred with itself, trying to throw myself in the line of fire to protect her. I was just as responsible for Knox as she was, and as the days passed, I began to forgive her for keeping the two of us apart. She truly believed she was doing the right thing. And until this moment, I hadn’t realized the true extent of her sacrifice and suffering. Liv had willingly thrown herself in front of the firing squad of this town, refusing to name her baby’s father and taking on the entire burden of shame shot at her.

Catching a flash of shaggy dark blond hair up front, I excused myself from the crowd circling me, moving toward the little boy who had become the center of my universe.

Knox’s eyes caught mine, and he jumped up and down excitedly, that endearing toothless grin splitting his face.

When I got close enough, he screamed over the pre-service chatter, “You came! I told Mom you would, but she didn’t believe me!”

Liv’s head swung around from where she was chatting with her mother, eyes wide as she watched my approach. The look of surprise on her face was worth facing the people of this town after so many years. Dressed in a modest floor-length floral dress buttoned up the front that had no shape—hiding her incredible curves—with her hair tied back in a low bun at the nape of her neck, she looked the part of the minister’s daughter.

She might claim to be the town’s resident sinner, but I was waiting for God to strike me down for the impure thoughts running through my head inside this house of worship. I could picture undoing each button of her dress with my teeth. Inch by inch, revealing the perfect body beneath—a body I was dying to see laid out before me in all its glory.

Stopping before the small group gathered at the front pew of the hall, I dropped to a knee before Knox, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “How could I stay away when my favorite little superstar asked me to come?”

Grinning up at his grandmother, he pointed to his chest. “That’s me. I’m the superstar.”

I might be biased, but Knox was the most adorable kid I’d ever met.

Rising to my full height, I met the eyes of Mrs. Mason for the first time since I’d seen her at the rink the day my world changed forever. Knox had my eyes, but Liv had her mother’s. Pale green, they sparkled with kindness.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Benji. Knox has been telling us all about how much he loves spending time with you on the ice.” Liv tensed beside her mom, but Mrs. Mason still gave no traces of knowing my relation to her grandson.

Glancing down at Knox, an easy smile crept onto my face. I couldn’t help it when I looked at him. “His skill set is quite impressive. Makes me wonder what I might have been like if I had gotten the chance to start as young as him.”

Liv shot me a death glare but kept her mouth shut.

Oblivious, Mrs. Mason’s soft laughter filtered over our small group. “I think you’ve done quite well as it stands. You’ve made this town quite proud. And now, you’re back, generously offering your time to mentor one of our youth. We are truly blessed.”

“That we are,” I agreed with a pointed look at Liv.

Clapping her hands together, Mrs. Mason exclaimed, “I had better go check to ensure the rooms are set up for Sunday School after service. Knox, I’ll leave you to chat with your guest before we start.”

With that, she scurried off through a side door leading to the church’s back wing.

Leaning in, I dropped a kiss to Liv’s cheek, relishing the sound of her gasp as I did so with witnesses. Close to her ear, I whispered, “Good morning, Olivia.”

Reeling back like she’d been struck, she narrowed those beautiful green eyes at me. “Don’t be cute,” she seethed through the smile she held on her face, keeping up appearances for the congregation.

Pursing my lips in a pout, I countered, “You don’t think I’m cute?”

Rolling her eyes, she breathed out, “Lord, give me the strength.”

Knox thought nothing of our exchange, grabbing my hand. “You’ll sit with us, right, Coach B?”

Winking at Liv, I peered down at our son with a smile. “Of course, bud. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side, with your mom, too.”

Knox had tugged me halfway into the front pew when a familiar female voice called out behind me, “The rumors are true! I never thought I’d see the day that you walked back into this town.”

Releasing Knox’s hand, I turned to face the owner of that voice. Mrs. Watson, the woman whose home I’d lived in for five years before I left this town behind.

Throwing her arms around my neck, she pulled me into an embrace. She was the closest thing I’d ever had to a mother, and we’d kept in touch over the years. Mostly, it was her begging me to visit and me thinking up every excuse imaginable to decline.

Pulling back, tears shone in her blue eyes. “My boy, you’ve grown up so handsome. Pictures haven’t done you justice.” Then, she stepped back, crossing her arms. “Care to explain why you’ve been lurking around this town for over a month, and this is the first time I’m seeing you?”

I should’ve gone to visit her, but I’d been a little too occupied getting to know my son. The same son that was glancing up curiously at us now.

“Coach B? Is Mrs. Watson your mom? I thought your last name was Mills?” he asked, confused.

This was too heavy a conversation to have surrounded by the straining ears of this nosy community. Unfortunately, they already knew my relation to the Watsons. It irked me to think that the way they talked to me about my son was the way they had once talked about me. Kids were often invisible when the gossip was juicy, and I’d overheard my fair share of unkind words about myself growing up. I hated to think what Knox might’ve heard from the same people.

Mrs. Watson smiled warmly at Knox, replying, “Not officially, sweetheart. I was his foster mom for a few years before he went off to be a big, famous hockey player.”

Knox’s brow furrowed. “What’s a foster mom?”

How did you tell your son that you’d been abandoned? Especially when he had an absent father—regardless of the fact that said father stood here now unbeknownst to him.

Liv must have seen the mental distress that question had caused written on my face because she jumped in, explaining, “It’s someone who takes care of you when your own mom and dad can’t.”

Chewing on that information for a minute, Knox asked, “Kind of like a substitute teacher?”

“Exactly,” Mrs. Watson replied. Placing a hand on my arm, she looked up at me, pride shining in her eyes. “I was lucky to have him. For however short a time.”

The Watsons had turned my life around. I wouldn’t be where I was today if it hadn’t been for them. They’d shown me what it was like to be part of a family, and I felt guilty that I hadn’t tried harder to see them over the past nine years. As was true for most people in this town, they didn’t have much money, so they hadn’t even been able to drive down to see me play in Detroit. Once I was able, I should have flown them out. They were the ones who had brought hockey into my life. I could never repay them for all they’d done for me.

This trip home was shining a spotlight on all my failings.

For years, I’d measured success in terms of wealth. But the people here were rich beyond the dollar amount in their bank accounts. They saw value in relationships, being a good neighbor, helping those in need, and caring for their families. It was why Liv got defensive every time I made a snarky comment about her living situation. She was providing for our son, and there was pride to be found in that. My arrogance in thinking I could give our son more financially had blinded me, and I couldn’t see it until now.

Yeah, you’ve been a real snobby dick to her.

Before I knew what I was saying, the words slipped out. “I should have come home a lot sooner. I’ll never forgive myself for staying away so long.”

Liv’s sharp intake of breath reached my ears. Her reaction was enough to draw attention from Mrs. Watson. In slow motion, I watched the woman who had taken me into her home look down at our son and then back up to me. Her lip trembled before she clasped a hand over it. There was no doubt she knew the truth.

Blinking back tears, she grasped my hand. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

Leaning in to kiss her on the cheek, I whispered, “Please keep it to yourself.”

Her breath was warm on my ear, her own words faint. “You do right by them, you hear?”

Pulling back, I ducked my head. “I’m trying my hardest.”

Liv watched the interaction, mouth hanging open, a look of pure terror on her face. Placing a hand on her lower back, I guided her into the first pew, leaving enough space for Knox to sit between us.

Collapsing onto the padded seat, she took a shaky breath, muttering, “You shouldn’t have come here.”

I couldn’t be sure whether she meant “here” as in church service today or back to Wardale at all. I might be a threat to the careful balance she had created over the years, but there was no chance I was walking away from them now.

Conventional or not, they were the only family I had left in this world.

Reverend Mason concluded the service, and Knox bounded off to Sunday School with his buddies with barely a backward glance in my direction. Turning to Liv standing by my side, I asked, “Do you still help teach?”

She scoffed. “Get real. I might have been offered ‘grace’ from the congregation after my sins became known, but they wouldn’t hear of an immoral woman helping to guide their youth in the teachings of faith.”

I winced. “Sorry.”

Liv shrugged. “I’m not. I could never be sorry for Knox. He brings so much joy to my life. I can’t imagine my life without him.”

It was like she was pulling the words straight out of my heart. Knox might’ve been the biggest surprise of my life, but damn if I didn’t love him with every fiber of my being. I hadn’t realized how much in my life was missing until he walked right into it with his goofy grin and sunny disposition. My only regret was that I hadn’t been a part of his life sooner.

Pulling on the back of my neck, I was suddenly nervous. Who knew asking the mother of your child out on a first date could be so stressful?

“Uh, Liv?” I began.

Green eyes peered up through black lashes. “Yeah?”

“I know you work tonight, but do you think you could find a sitter for Knox on Tuesday night? There’s somewhere I’d like to take you.” There, I said it.

Her brows shot up. “You want to take me out? Alone? Like, on a date?”

Gaze dropping to the floor, my feet shuffled, needing to expel some of the nervous energy coursing through my veins. “I just . . . There hasn’t been much time where it’s just us. I thought maybe you could use a night off. You work hard. You take such great care of Knox. You deserve a chance to unwind. And if you don’t mind it too much, I’d like to be the one to keep you company.”

Chewing her lower lip, she mulled it over. Nodding slowly, she breathed out, “Okay.”

“Okay?” I was unable to keep the hope from my voice. Even if I had, I was sure it showed on my face.

Liv’s shoulders rose and fell. “If we are going to do this thing for Knox, it’s probably good if we get reacquainted. We need to figure out a way to get along, and that starts with friendship.”

My face fell. She wanted friendship? When I was prepared to offer her so much more?

She’s not a bunny. You have to take things slow.

I had gotten so swept up in her saying yes that I forgot the plan.

Liv wanted friendship, a peaceful co-parenting situation. However, she hadn’t said she didn’t want something more. The door was still cracked open—I just had to find a way through it.

So, if she wanted a friend, I would be the best damn friend she’d ever had.

After all, weren’t some of the best romances born out of friendship? It was how we’d found our way to falling in love the first time. I could do it again. I could be patient.

It boiled down to her being scared to let me in. Liv knew my reputation as a hockey fuckboy—a different woman in my bed every night—and she didn’t want to become another notch in my bedpost. I couldn’t blame her for being skittish. But the difference was that none of those women had been her. They hadn’t been my first love, my only love. They’d merely been placeholders, keeping me company until I found my way back to her. I just hadn’t realized it at the time.

I had to show her I was for real, that I cared about her beyond a physical relationship—although that was a perk I wouldn’t turn down—and I wasn’t going to abandon her alone with our son again.

I was fully prepared to fight for my family.

Eyeing me as the silence stretched between us while I mentally changed course on my plans, she fidgeted with her hands. “I should go and make sure Knox made it to the room instead of getting sidetracked. I’ll see about that sitter and let you know for sure.”

Liv made a move to leave, but I reached out to snag her hand, squeezing it gently. “You’re a good mom, Liv.”

Her eyelids fluttered shut, allowing her long black lashes to fan her pinkened cheeks, before they raised and she pinned me with that breathtaking green gaze. My chest tightened, staring at the beautiful woman who was quickly reclaiming my heart, as she mouthed, “Thank you,” before her fingers slipped from mine and she walked away.

Bringing the hand still warm from her touch to my chest, I rubbed it, trying to ease the ache. Liv might be worried about her heart, but I wasn’t sure I would survive if she locked me out for good. I was halfway back in love with her already; it wouldn’t take much to throw me over the edge.

“Mills, fancy meeting you here,” a male voice spoke closely behind me.

Turning, I came face-to-face with Pete Mason, Liv’s older brother, eyeing me with disdain.

Pete stepped closer, using his height advantage of four or five inches to force me to look up at him. He was trying to intimidate me, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I took out bigger dudes than him on the ice all the time. I wasn’t a man he wanted to mess with.

“Mason,” I acknowledged him in greeting. “Such a beautiful day to give thanks for our many blessings.” I hid a smirk, knowing I counted his sister and nephew amongst my blessings.

“That’s rich coming from someone like you. I’m surprised you didn’t burst into flames walking through the doors. Would be a pity to be called into work to save your sorry behind.” Pete sneered at me from above.

Cocking an eyebrow, I assessed him. The way he was talking made me feel like he might know about Knox. But I wasn’t about to out myself. The burden of proof fell on him.

Knowing it would piss him off not to play into his bullshit, I smiled. “It is in human nature to sin, but so long as we repent, there is forgiveness to be received from our all-merciful God.”

Pete scoffed. “You are so full of shit.”

Taking a step back, I threw a hand to my chest, pretending to be scandalized. “Such language in the Lord’s house. What would your parents think?”

Satisfaction flowed through me, watching his fists clench as the look he gave me turned murderous. He may have started this pissing contest, but I was winning.

“Tell me, Pete,” I began. “What is it that you do now?” He might be an asshole, but he was Liv’s brother. She loved her family, and I knew how close the two of them were. It wouldn’t bode well for her to catch me fighting with him.

Puffing his chest out, he replied, “I’m a firefighter.”

Of course he was. Go figure, my son’s only uncle worked in the place that had haunted my nightmares throughout my childhood.

Seeing the smile slip from my face, Pete’s grew smug. “Masons can’t resist the call to help others. Liv’s out there bringing babies into the world, and I’m rescuing them from burning buildings.”

Apparently, Pete must have been sick the day humility was preached in church. You’d think he would get the study guide at home, but I guess not.

“It’s important to give back,” I agreed.

Narrowing his eyes, he countered, “What would you know about that? You’re too busy out there chasing your own glory to care about anyone else.”

I guess he skipped the day about judgment, too.

Shoving my hands into my pockets so I didn’t get into a fistfight in church, I replied, “Oh, I know plenty. When I’m not on the ice, I’m volunteering my time in the community back in Hartford and helping raise funds for worthy causes.”

“Volunteering your time.” He snorted. “What next? You’ll tell me all the women you’re pictured with are only poor college girls in need of tutoring?”

That was a low blow. Yes, I’d been promiscuous. And unfortunately for me, privacy didn’t exist in my line of work. But never once had I been with a girl who was unwilling or underage.

Forcing the conversation back on track, I replied, “No, like helping Knox out, getting him set up to play hockey this fall.”

Pete’s jaw clenched, and a muscle twitched in his cheek. “I’m still trying to figure out what’s in that arrangement for you.”

I shrugged. “Just being a good Christian.”

Not letting him get a rise out of me had a vein throbbing at Pete’s temple as his scowl deepened. I wasn’t going to sink to his level, no matter how badly I wanted to. If he wanted to make a scene, he would be the one to look like an asshole.

When he couldn’t find the words to reply, I continued, “If I’m being honest, I’ve grown a fondness for your nephew. I see a lot of myself in him.” I was leading him. If he knew something, this might have him showing his hand.

Leaning forward, he snarled, “He’s nothing like you. It would be better for everyone if you went back to where you came from. You don’t belong here.”

He had one thing right: I didn’t belong here. But I wasn’t leaving without my son. Or without his mother. They’d managed on their own in my absence, but it was time for me to take over in caring for my family.

The only thing left to do was convince Liv.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 16

Benji

Liv: My mom said she’ll take Knox on Tuesday night. What time do you think we’ll be back?

Do you think she could keep him overnight?

Liv: Um, okay. What’s the dress code? You haven’t told me where you’re taking me.

Casual. Wear comfortable shoes.

I tried to keep my responses vague when Liv asked for more details about our date. She wouldn’t know what hit her when she discovered our destination.

There was still a risk that she would back out when she realized how serious I was about “taking her out.” I was taking a gamble, and I hoped it would pay off.

Arriving at her doorstep mid-afternoon that Tuesday, I knocked on the door.

From inside, I heard Liv call out, “Come on in!”

Opening the door, I smiled as the cool air hit me square in the face. That unit was worth every penny, but I knew fireworks would go off when Liv found out I’d called the energy company and prepaid the bill for the next few months.

That was a fight for another day.

Tonight, I was going to show her that I could respect boundaries and go at her pace. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t do so without a little Benji Mills flair. She’d missed out on so much raising our son, and I wanted to do something special for her to show my appreciation for the sacrifices she’d made.

Liv emerged from her bedroom, and I couldn’t help but smile. She looked adorable, dressed in a navy and white striped tank top, cuffed capri-length jeans, and sneakers. Her blonde hair was straight today, tucked behind her ears, and she’d put on the tiniest hint of eye makeup, which only highlighted her natural beauty.

She glanced at my attire of khaki shorts and an anchor print collared shirt rolled up to my elbows, and nodded appreciatively. Liv was totally checking me out, but I kept any comments about that to myself. If she wanted to pretend she was okay as “just friends,” I would sit back and wait for her to change her mind.

“You look nice,” I remarked, and Liv’s cheeks flooded pink.

Dropping her eyes to the floor, she whispered, “Thank you.”

“Ready to go?” I held out my hand to her.

Rubbing her palms against the fabric of her jeans, she peered up. “Do I need to bring anything?”

Shaking my head, I replied, “Just your ID and yourself. I’ve got the rest.”

With my hand still extended between us, I wiggled my fingers, hoping to prompt her to take it. Biting her lip, I watched the bold girl she hid beneath the reserved exterior come to the surface as she laced her fingers with mine, a smile working its way onto her face.

There she is. That’s my girl.

Letting her lock up, I opened the passenger door for her to slide into the rental car before rounding the hood and hopping into the driver’s seat. Pushing the start button, I heard a small sigh from my right, and I turned to find Liv relaxed beside me, eyes closed.

“Don’t tell me you’re about to fall asleep on me again,” I teased.

Eyes still shut, a grin crept onto her lips. “No. It’s just that I thought I was delirious the last time I sat in this car. That I must have imagined how incredible the seats felt. It should be illegal for this to be more comfortable than my bed.”

I frowned at the mention of her beat-up furniture, but I kept quiet. We didn’t need to start with an argument.

See? I was learning.

“The bar must be set pretty low if you’re this impressed by the leather seats of my rental car,” I mused.

“What a life you must live,” Liv breathed out.

It could be your life, too. If you’d just let me take care of you.

Putting the car into drive, I pulled away from Liv’s house, heading toward the county airstrip fifteen minutes outside of town.

Peeking out the window at our destination, Liv’s forehead wrinkled as her brows drew down. “I thought you were taking me out on a date?” Groaning, she added, “Oh, God. Please tell me you aren’t one of those crazy people who have their pilot’s license. I don’t have a death wish.”

She was cute when she was dramatic. “No, silly. This is our starting point.”

Without another word, I hopped out of the car to open her door. Placing her hand in mine, Liv allowed me to lead her from the vehicle and through the gates of the airstrip.

The second the small private jet came into view, she stopped moving, yanking me back in alarm. “Benji, what’s going on?”

“I’m taking you out for the night. Was that not clear?” I raised an eyebrow, looking back at her.

Eyes wide, she shook her head in shock. “No. This is too much. Normal people go out to dinner on dates. Maybe splurge on a movie or bowling.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “But normal people tend to go on a first date before conceiving a child. I have so much time to make up for and figured I owed you nine years’ worth of dates. Let’s make this one count. Let’s be Liv and Benji for a night instead of Knox’s parents.”

A corner of her lips quirked up. “Liv and Benji, huh? Where exactly are we headed?”

Tossing her a wink, I began pulling her toward the small jet. “It’s a surprise.”

“Everything is with you,” she muttered.

Flashing her a grin, I countered, “At least you know life will never be boring.” I motioned for her to take the small stairs ahead of me toward where the pilot waited to greet us.

“Boring is predictable,” she shot back, climbing the steps.

Following behind, I had the perfect view of her ass swaying in my face. My hands itched to reach out and squeeze it. Being in the friend zone for a while might very well kill me. My wrist was already sore with how much I was jerking off as it was.

As I clasped hands with the pilot, he explained, “We should be cleared for takeoff shortly. Quick ninety minutes in the air. Skies look clear.”

“Wonderful,” I remarked, motioning for Liv to pick one of the white leather captain’s chairs.

Sinking into one, she groaned. “If I thought the leather seats in your car were crazy amazing, this must be what heaven feels like.”

Dropping into the seat beside her, I chuckled. “Maybe next time, I’ll take you to a furniture showroom and you can bounce from recliner to recliner. Could get wild if we start testing out mattresses, though.”

Shaking her head, pale green eyes dancing with mirth, she replied, “So sue me. I’m a simple country girl. You didn’t use to mind that.”

Placing a hand on her knee, I leaned in close. “Who said I mind it now? All I’m trying to do is broaden your horizons, not change who you are. There’s a whole world out there, and my only wish is to give it all to you.”

Eyes never leaving mine, I was rewarded with the sight of her pupils dilating slightly in response. In hushed tones, she uttered, “I don’t need the whole world.”

Unspoken words hung heavy in the air.

Our lips were so close I could feel her breathing change. Her tongue darted out to moisten her plush lower lip, and blood pooled in my groin. More than anything, I wanted to close the distance between us and taste her mouth for the first time in nearly a decade. But my brain overruled my body, and I forced myself to pull back and recline in my seat.

A tiny wrinkle formed between Liv’s eyebrows at my show of restraint. I didn’t want to rush this and have her regret it, locking the gates around her heart for good. It might be physically painful to play the long game—as evidenced by the throbbing hard-on pressing insistently against my fly—but it would be well worth the reward.

The lone stewardess stopped before us, asking if we wanted anything to drink before takeoff. I turned to Liv, making a silent gesture for her to order first.

Knee bouncing beneath my hand, her bright eyes met mine. “Would you think less of me if I ordered something stronger than a pop?”

Moving my palm in soothing strokes along the denim encasing her thigh, I replied with a smile. “Of course not. Remember, tonight, we are just Benji and Liv. Our responsibilities will be waiting for us when we get back, so what better time to let loose?”

She nibbled a corner of her lip. “It’s just . . . I’ve never been on a plane before.”

Using my free hand, I cupped her cheek, rubbing my thumb over her sinfully soft skin. “I won’t begrudge you a little liquid courage. I was nervous as hell the first time I took to the sky. Eventually, you get used to it.”

Nervous laughter bubbled from her lips. “We’ll see about that.”

“What’ll it be, pretty girl?” Once again, I was rewarded by the sight of a blush creeping onto her cheeks at the use of that nickname.

Get used to it. It’s back and here to stay. Just like me.

The pulse point at the base of her throat fluttered, and I was so tempted to bend down and trace that delicate hollow with my tongue.

Breathless, Liv replied, “Red wine is fine.”

Biting back a smile, it was apparent she didn’t drink much. A taste for red wine had likely been acquired over years of receiving communion week after week.

Releasing my hold on her face, I turned to the stewardess. “My companion will have red wine. I’ll take a whiskey on the rocks.”

Smiling, she disappeared into the back of the cabin to prepare our drinks while the pilot did his final pre-flight checks. Liv’s nervous knee-bouncing kicked into high gear when the engines turned on, filling the small plane’s interior with noise.

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she stared out the window at the nearly empty tarmac, I whispered, “I’m right here if you need a hand to hold.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, her hand clasped mine, squeezing so tightly I worried I might lose circulation to my fingers. This small connection, her taking my offer of support, was a huge first step. She trusted me to help ease her fear.

Our drinks arrived, and Liv’s free hand trembled as she brought it to her lips. It was a wonder she managed not to spill a drop. My whiskey remained untouched as I kept my attention on her.

The cabin doors closed with a thud, and Liv jumped in her seat, eyes wild with panic. Extracting my fingers from her grasp, I took a moment to buckle her in securely before retaking her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb soothingly over her knuckles.

Rolling down the tarmac, the plane stopped momentarily at the end of the runway before the engines grew louder, and we picked up speed and smoothly lifted off the ground. As the plane soared into the air, Liv gasped, peering out the window at the view, our height increasing with every passing second.

Her grip loosened, and she turned to me with bright eyes and an excited smile. “I don’t know why I was so nervous. This is incredible! I can see the lake from up here! Although, I’m not sure which one because I don’t know which direction we are headed.”

Chuckling, I leaned over her, remarking, “That would be Lake Huron.” Michigan was often called the Great Lakes State, dubbed that by virtue of having shorelines along four of the five Great Lakes. The Upper Peninsula had the pleasure of being situated at the convergence of three of them—Lake Huron, Lake Superior, and Lake Michigan—hence Liv’s uncertainty about which one she was viewing from above.

“Hmm,” Liv mused. “So, we are heading east then. Where in the world are you taking me tonight?”

“You’ll know soon enough,” I teased with a boop on her nose.

She giggled, and my heart swelled inside my chest. This was the most carefree I’d seen her since my return to Wardale. We might be parents now, but we were still young. There was so much time ahead of us to enjoy life, to carve out these moments together where the heaviness of our responsibilities didn’t weigh us down.

“Knox would love this,” Liv whispered as she smiled at the sight of the world far below us.

Daring to kiss the side of her neck—which admittedly was more than friendly—I closed my eyes. “You can’t shut it off, can you?”

Squeezing my hand, she replied, “Liv faded into the background the moment he was born. Knox’s mom is all I know how to be now.”

My following words were pushing it, but I couldn’t help myself. “Lucky for me, I knew Liv before Knox. And I intend to make it my personal mission to bring that incredible girl back out for the world to see.”

“What if I lost her?” Liv’s voice wavered.

Pulling back enough to grip her chin and turn her to face me, I shook my head firmly. “No. You just shoved her in a corner. If you can’t remember which one, I’ll help you search.”

Lower lip trembling, I watched as her eyes grew glassy. She acted so strong, so independent, but I saw beneath that tough exterior. I’d been in her shoes before, where everyone in town spoke about you like you were less. It wore you down. The only way to survive was to act as if it didn’t bother you while striving to do everything in your power to show them they were wrong.

It was long past time that I helped shoulder the load for Liv. Not only in caring for Knox but in taking responsibility for our family. If I had it my way, I’d whisk them both away from Wardale, far from the small-minded people who cast judgment without a second thought. They had no idea how freeing it could be to break the chains that bound you to your past.

If I knew anything, it was the power of belonging to a family, a community, of your own choosing. Liv and Knox would flourish if I could get them to Connecticut. My friends would embrace them instantly; it was just how they were. Liv wouldn’t know what to do with herself when Natalie and the girls descended upon her. She was an introvert, but if anyone besides me could bring her out of her shell, it would be those ladies. They wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Tonight was just the start of setting Liv free.

“New York?!” Liv squealed beside me when the iconic skyscrapers of our destination came into view.

I sat back in my seat with a smug smile at her reaction. It hadn’t taken me long to pick a place for a quick overnight that would knock her socks off. What better place than New York City? It was the total opposite of the quiet country life Liv was used to. People dreamed their whole lives of coming here just once, and I was fortunate enough to live within striking distance.

When the private plane’s wheels touched down and we came to a stop, the cabin door opened, and I helped Liv down the steps and into the black SUV waiting for us on the tarmac.

Sliding in behind her, I closed the door and nodded in greeting to the driver.

Liv turned to me, eyes wide. “I can’t believe you did this!”

Cupping her cheek, I asked, “Are you sufficiently surprised?”

Huffing out a laugh, she replied, “That’s an understatement. It’s NEW YORK CITY, Benji!”

Her excitement was contagious, and I found myself chuckling. “Wait till I take you to Europe.”

Liv’s jaw dropped. “Oh, no. We couldn’t possibly.”

Running my thumb over her bottom lip, I smiled. “Sky’s the limit, pretty girl.”

Shaking her head in shock, she protested, “People back home don’t even leave the state.”

“I’m aware,” I muttered dryly. “The world is so much bigger than rural Michigan. I want nothing more than to explore it with you, with Knox.”

“Knox is happy just to be with you,” she said softly.

“The feeling’s mutual,” I replied, biting my tongue from asking if she was happy to be with me too.

The SUV rolled through the outer boroughs until we crossed one of the many bridges into Manhattan, stopping beneath the porte-cochère of a hotel in midtown. A valet opened the back door, and I stepped outside, reaching my hand to assist Liv in exiting the vehicle.

The hotel’s exterior was plain, comprised of brick and glass, but the moment we stepped through the revolving doors into the lobby, it was as if we were transported into another world.

Street noises faded away, replaced with the soft notes played by a glistening black baby grand piano in the far corner of the lobby. Marble floors stretched as far as the eye could see. Gold-threaded fabric-covered lounge chairs were situated in groupings throughout the space. A bar sat along one wall, the entrance to the hotel restaurant on the other. Gold-plated elevators were set off to the side of a mahogany reception desk in the back.

“Benji.” Liv tugged on my hand. “We’re underdressed to be in here.”

Glancing at her, I replied, “You look perfect,” before tugging her further into the lobby.

Confused when we passed the entrance to the restaurant and kept walking, she asked, “Aren’t we eating?”

It was early evening, there were still several hours of daylight left, and I had plans to let her explore the city before we ate. This was just a momentary pit stop.

“I have something special planned for dinner later. Just want to check us in first.”

“Check us in?” Understanding dawned, and she whisper-shrieked, “Are we spending the night here?”

Pausing, I turned my head. “You did say your mom had Knox all night, right?”

“Yes, but . . .” Her words trailed off.

“But what? I said I was taking you out. We’re out, and we have a sitter. Let’s make the most of it.” I was trying hard to tamp down my annoyance.

Why couldn’t she relax for one night and let me take care of her?

Rubbing my free hand over the stubble along my jaw, I wondered if maybe this was too much too soon. Liv would have probably been fine with a simple day spent on Mackinac Island, closer to home.

No. Fuck that.

I told her I was making up for lost time. I owed her nine years’ worth of date nights, and that’s what she was going to get. I didn’t force her onto the plane—she got on willingly—so now she was along for the ride.

Eyes dropping to the floor, she mumbled, “Okay.”

How did she do that? Make me feel like a total asshole when I was trying to do something nice for her?

We didn’t say another word to each other as I checked us in, and we took the elevator to the top floor.

Swiping the key card, I held open the door to our suite. I was on edge, just waiting for a remark from her about the extravagance. I’d been sleeping in a shitty motel for over a month; maybe I wanted the luxury of thousand-count Egyptian cotton sheets and memory foam pillows. Not everything was about her.

Calm the fuck down. You’re mentally preparing for fights that haven’t even started yet.

Silently, Liv walked through the sitting room, fingers trailing over the furniture as she moved. Peeking into each open doorway, she turned to me, a single eyebrow raised. “Two bedrooms?”

What was the problem now? I was trying to give her what she wanted, staying in the friend zone and not forcing anything more. For now. So, yeah, I’d gotten a two-bedroom suite. I was fully prepared to sleep in separate bedrooms. Not like that was anything different for us.

Shrugging, I replied simply, “Yeah.”

Leaning against the doorframe, she stated, “I didn’t bring any extra clothes.”

New York was one of the fashion capitals of the world, and she was worried about not having clothes? I’d offer to take her shopping but knew that wouldn’t go over well.

Trying to find a happy medium, I offered, “Neither did I. It’s not a big deal. We can go full tourist and snag some cheap I Heart NY shirts down in Times Square.”

Hands twisting, her cheeks pinkened slightly. “What about underwear?”

Tilting my head, I asked, “Is this your way of asking me to take you shopping for lingerie?”

“Oh my God.” Liv’s face flamed red, and she covered it with her hands.

Ignoring her, I continued, “I mean, it’ll cut into our sightseeing time. We are here for only one night, after all, but if it’s important to you, then who am I to say no?”

“You are literally the worst,” she groaned.

“So . . . is that a yes?” I hedged, adding a hopeful note in my tone.

Hands dropping, she leveled me with a glare. “Definitely not.”

Stalking closer, I dropped my voice an octave. “Just as well. Thinking about you going commando tomorrow will make my day.”

Green eyes grew wide as her plump pink lips parted on an exhale.

I congratulated myself on finally finding a way to render her speechless, even if only for a few minutes. Holding out my hand, I offered it to her. “Shall we? It’s a big city, and we’re burning daylight.”

Nodding slowly, she laced her fingers with mine, allowing me to escort her out of the suite for our first “official” date.

This was our fresh start. Our new beginning.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 17

Liv

My arms were going to be black and blue from constantly pinching myself all evening. I still couldn’t believe Benji had flown me to New York City for our date night.

Long ago, I’d resigned myself to the life I was leading. It was simple, but enough for me. Travel was off the table, which was fine as long as Knox’s needs were met. So, to be here now, in one of the most famous cities in the world that I’d only ever seen in pictures or on a movie screen, was surreal.

As we walked through the city hand in hand, I was on sensory overload. Noises layered over each other, coming from every direction. Smells wafted out of each shop we passed, and more than once, I paused to discover the source of a particularly intriguing aroma. The first time I stopped on the sidewalk, a fellow pedestrian barreled into me from behind, causing Benji to wrap a protective arm around my waist, hauling me into his chest.

That full-body contact had my skin tingling.

There were just so many people here. I must have stuck out like a sore thumb as I kept looking up at the giant buildings stretching so high that they could block out the sun from certain angles.

But Benji walked around as if it were an ordinary day, and perhaps to him, it was. He had mentioned Europe in the car that took us from the plane to the hotel. I could only imagine all the incredible things he’d seen during his travels. And to think he had done so well for himself that he didn’t bat an eyelash at chartering a private plane.

I tried my hardest not to be impressed, but he wasn’t making it easy. When we pulled up to a restaurant, he led me to a back entrance, where a private booth was set into the kitchen. A waiter explained that we would have a special tasting menu personally prepared by the head chef.

This was wild!

I felt like I was living someone else’s life. And I was—Benji’s life.

Sipping my glass of red wine while we waited for appetizers to arrive, I waved my free hand. “Is this what it’s like inside the fabulous life of Benji Mills?” He quirked an eyebrow as he pulled from his beer bottle, so I elaborated, “Private planes, hotel suites, special restaurant menus?”

The muscles of his throat worked as he swallowed, and I clenched my thighs together under the table. How did he look so hot doing ordinary things? It wasn’t fair.

Setting the bottle onto the table, he replied, “Not every day is like this one.”

“No?” I asked skeptically.

A corner of his lips quirked up. “No. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not all unicorns and rainbows. Most of the year is spent training. I’m probably going to get my ass handed to me when training camp starts after taking too much time off this summer.”

Guilt gnawed inside my chest. “You should have said something. If spending time with Knox is taking away time you need for work, then—”

Benji held up a hand, cutting me off. “I don’t regret one minute spent with our son. Do you understand me?”

His stern tone brooked no argument, so all I could do was nod.

Dropping that hand to the table, he held it palm up, a silent gesture for me to take it. Even the simple contact was electrifying, stirring the need to have more of him.

“During the season, there’s not a ton of downtime. We train, we travel, we play. Rinse and repeat. Sometimes, we get an extra day or two off in between, but not often. Nights out like this are special, not typical. The guys and I spend a lot of time in hotel bars and eating prepackaged meals. And when we’re home, we frequent a couple of places in Hartford.”

“You don’t live too far from here,” I mused.

“A little over two hours by car on a good day, less than an hour by helicopter,” he replied.

My eyes widened. “Helicopter? You and I come from very different worlds.”

His chuckle fell over me, warming my body like a blanket draped over it. “Don’t get too excited. I’m not jet-setting to Manhattan via helicopter on a weekly basis. Outside of summer travel—yes, I will admit I do my fair share of that, but it’s my only time off—most of my flights are with the team. I’m no different than a businessman who travels a hundred days out of the year for work.”

Rolling my eyes in jest, I scoffed playfully. “Maybe a little different.”

“Okay, just a little, though,” Benji conceded with a smile.

“And where do you live?” It seemed like the appropriate follow-up question, but I instantly regretted it. I didn’t want to know about the place he brought his women, especially knowing how many there had been. Trying to cover my blunder, I croaked, “Big house on lots of land?”

Eyeing me quizzically, he shook his head. “No, it would seem I got my fill of wide-open spaces growing up. I’ve got an apartment in downtown Hartford. It’s big enough for me not to feel boxed in, close to the rink, and the views can’t be beat.”

“Sounds nice,” I mumbled, wanting desperately to change the subject.

Why did I have to open my big mouth and put a damper on such a lovely day?

Because today has felt like a dream, and you needed a reality check to wake up.

Thankfully, our appetizers arrived, which quelled any further conversation as we enjoyed arguably the best food I’d ever tasted.

After dinner, Benji insisted we take a carriage ride around Central Park. It was cheesy and beyond touristy, but I loved every minute.

We started the ride with a few inches of space between us on the upholstered carriage seat, but eventually, I found myself leaning into him, and his arm found its way around my shoulders.

Gazing at the lush greenery in the middle of a concrete jungle, it felt like we were isolated from the outside world. The silence stretched between us, giving me time alone with my thoughts.

If you’d have told the Liv Mason of even two months ago that she would be curled into the side of the only boy she’d ever loved—who also happened to be the father of her child—in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world, she wouldn’t have believed it.

I wasn’t naïve. I knew men didn’t go to great lengths such as this fantastic day without expecting something in return. But our situation was unique. Today could have many ulterior motives. Most women would think this was an impressive show to get them into bed. And while it still might be that, Benji wanted more from me. He wanted permanent access to Knox, and I was the only one standing in his way.

There was no denying how good Benji was with Knox. Those two adored each other. It was my own fears and insecurities getting in the way now. I’d been alone for so long that I wasn’t sure I knew how to let someone else in. Sharing Knox was harder than I expected, and what would that look like when Benji went home?

A shiver racked my body, imagining the loss of Benji in our everyday lives. He’d become a constant in such a short time, and Knox depended on his presence—I relied on his presence. That alone was dangerous. Especially when it felt so good being held in his arms as I was now.

My heart began to hope for more. More of Benji, more of us becoming a family.

Maybe this had been God’s plan all along, and everything was finally coming together. Benji had gotten the chance to build his career without the distraction of having a young family dependent on him, and I’d learned how to stand on my own two feet. I had a difficult time believing there wasn’t a guiding hand when Knox had found his way to Benji’s free hockey clinic, the two of them crossing paths the only possible time they could have.

Knox would benefit from his humble upbringing, allowing him to stay grounded. He’d be able to better appreciate the luxuries in life while being compelled to give back to those less fortunate, having been in their shoes.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to believe that this was exactly where we were meant to be.

If Benji could forgive me for keeping him from his son, maybe we could find our way to a future together. He’d pulled out all the stops for our “date.” That had to mean something, right?

The carriage stopped suddenly, jarring me from my thoughts, and I let Benji give me a hand down, our ride seemingly at an end.

He didn’t release my hand during our walk back to the hotel. That small connection gave me the courage to take what I wanted tonight. It had been a long time, and I wanted to feel taken care of.

For once, I was willing to give up control and live in the moment.

Back in the hotel room, I stood before the floor-to-ceiling window in the sitting room of our suite, gazing out at the city below. It was late, but there were still people milling along the sidewalks, cars bumper to bumper on the street, and so many lights on in the windows of the buildings within view. It was a remarkable sight. One I would never forget.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled in awareness when I heard Benji walk out of his bedroom, and his footsteps stopped behind me. Taking a deep breath, I turned to find him with his phone out, held in front of his face.

Tilting my head, I asked, “What are you doing?”

Smirking, he looked over the top of his phone screen. “Needed a new screensaver.”

Horrified that he’d taken a picture of me from behind—admittedly not my best angle—my eyes widened. “Stop it. That’s not funny.”

“Do you see me laughing?” he challenged, pocketing his phone.

“Delete it now,” I demanded.

Stepping closer, his voice deepened. “Now, why would I do that?”

“Because—” He invaded my personal space, and the scent of his masculine cologne overwhelmed my senses, making it hard to think, hard to breathe. “Because I’m not like the other women you’ve been with. And I don’t think you need a reminder of that saved on your phone.”

Snaking out a hand, he grasped my wrist, spinning me around until my back was to his front and we both were staring out at the sight of the city from above.

“You’re right,” he whispered, his breath hot on my ear. “You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever been with.”

“Please,” I whimpered. “Delete it.”

Arms banded around my waist, his grip tightening on my body. “Do you know why I brought you to the City That Never Sleeps?” Feeling his strength surround me, I was at a loss for words, so he continued, “Because thoughts of you are keeping me awake, pretty girl. And I’ll be kicking myself for the rest of my life for not coming back to get you sooner.”

Suddenly, I was lightheaded, unable to draw in air. And it had nothing to do with how tightly he held me in his arms. It was his words stealing the very breath from my lungs.

Turning in his arms, I forced myself to ask the question, even though I was terrified of the answer. “Why me?”

Silver eyes liquifying into molten pools of desire, his voice grew husky. “Because you’re under my skin. Driving me crazy while at the same time reminding me of the person I used to be. The one I want to be again. For you.”

Thank God he held me upright because my knees buckled at his words.

Snaking my hands into his hair, I pulled his mouth down to mine, capturing his soft lips in a kiss for the first time in nine years. Benji moaned, taking charge as his fingers dug into the flesh of my waist where my tank top had ridden up. The heat between us as his tongue ravaged my mouth threatened to consume us whole. Clutching him tightly, I tried to bring us closer, even though our bodies were already flush. The head-to-toe contact had me dizzy with lust, but I wanted more. No, I needed more.

Hands sliding down his shoulders, I marveled at how solid he was beneath my fingertips. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, equal parts lost to lust and buzzed from our nightcap at the bar before returning to the room. Toying with the hem of his collared shirt, I wondered if he would look as impressive as he felt.

The tiniest brush of my hands on the bare skin of his lower back had Benji tearing his mouth from mine. The harsh mixture of our panting provided a sexy soundtrack of our own creation.

Dropping his forehead to mine, Benji forced out through ragged breaths, “Fuck, Liv. I’m trying really hard to respect your boundaries. You said you wanted friendship. A friend doesn’t lose control and have thoughts about fucking you on every surface of this hotel room.”

What did it say about me that talk of building our relationship and trust up all over again had me ready to jump his bones?

It’s been nine long years . . .

Pulling back, I peered at him through my lashes. Was this how you played coy? Honestly, I had no idea what men found appealing.

But I was emboldened by the feel of his hard length pressed between us. It was physical proof that he wanted me, that he still found me desirable after all this time.

As I dared to look at him fully, his eyes betrayed the war raging inside his head. He wanted to be the good guy so badly, to give me what he thought I wanted.

Good thing for both of us, tonight, all I wanted was him.

Teasing that bare skin still within my grasp just above the mouthwateringly rounded swell of his ass, I gave him what I hoped was a confident smile. “You flew me to New York City for our ‘first date.’ I might be new to the whole dating scene, but the second I stepped onto that private plane, there was an expectation that I would be putting out tonight. Luckily for me, this is a lot nicer than my place or wherever you’ve been staying.”

Benji searched my face before closing his eyes, almost as if it was too difficult for him to look at me. Shaking his head slightly, he whispered, “No. There were no expectations.” Eyelids lifting, he removed one hand from my lower back to gesture around the room, offering weakly, “I got two bedrooms.”

Reaching up to push away a stray lock of hair that had fallen across his forehead, I teased, “And you get an A for effort. I initiated that kiss, not you.” Taking a shaky breath, I added, “Don’t make me beg.”

When it finally sank in that I was ready and willing, Benji changed from tortured to damn near feral. His whole demeanor transformed, and he looked at me like I was a feast he wanted to devour in a single bite.

Dropping his lips to the side of my neck, he peppered kisses along the sensitive skin he found there. “What if I want to hear you beg?” When a soft gasp left my mouth, he prompted, “Tell me, Liv. Tell me all the dirty things you want me to do to you.”

“What?” I squeaked.

When he pulled back to look at me, my heart pounded against my ribcage, trying to escape. His eyes had darkened to the point that only a tiny sliver of gray was visible in a sea of black.

“I-I . . .” I struggled to find the words as one of his hands stole up the back of my tank top, teasing my overheated flesh and causing my brain to misfire.

“Come on, pretty girl. No more secrets. I want you to tell me what you picture me doing to you while you’re touching yourself late at night.” He groaned, leaning in to tug my earlobe between his teeth. “And in the spirit of honesty, it’s you I picture when I’m alone, aching for release. But it fucking kills me that I have to fill in the blanks when it comes to imagining you naked.”

Melting into his touch, letting his words flow over my body as thick as honey, I moaned. The idea of him using me as his muse created a whole-body reaction. My hearing was muted by the pounding of my heart. My skin felt too tight for my body. And a near-painful throbbing settled between my thighs.

It was an ache I knew only he could ease, having tried unsuccessfully to handle it myself for weeks.

Swallowing past my tongue, which suddenly felt too big for my mouth, I took the leap. “I-I want to feel your hands on every inch of my body.”

A growl vibrated from deep inside Benji’s chest as he used his thumbs to caress the skin of my waist. “What else?”

Throwing my head back in the ecstasy created when his hands shifted upward to cup my breasts over the fabric of my bra, I breathed out, “And then your mouth.”

Dropping his head, he worked his hot, open mouth along my neck, down across my collarbone, settling at the barely visible cleavage hidden by my shirt, his tongue darting out to tease the valley between them.

“That’s a good start. Mind if I take it from there?” he asked, lips against my skin.

Spearing my fingers into his hair, I held on for dear life. “God, yes.”

Chuckling, he looked up at me, shaking his head, teasing, “Look at you, worshiping false idols.”

Lightening the mood with a simple jest put me further at ease. I knew in my heart he wasn’t like this with other women. This was my Benji. The boy who’d once been my best friend.The man who still valued my friendship over a potential physical relationship. It made him all that much more endearing.

Smirking at him, my hands still tangled in his hair, I replied, “Told you I was a sinner.”

“My sinner,” he growled moments before his lips slammed onto mine.

The first kiss had been a warmup. This kiss was a promise of what was to come. It was hot and heady as his tongue demanded entrance. I opened for him, and he plundered my mouth, taking what he wanted. I was more than happy to give it to him.

Benji’s palms squeezed overflowing handfuls of my ass moments before sliding down my thighs to lift me into his arms. Locking my heels around his waist, I cried out the moment his erection pressed against my throbbing core. I was going to explode, and he’d barely touched me. Nine years of sexual frustration were coming to a head in this one glorious moment with the man I’d never stopped loving.

Carrying me to the bed in his designated bedroom, he lowered me to the mattress, caging me in with his arms from above. Benji’s hips pinned mine, and I rocked against him, trying to ease the overwhelming ache between my thighs growing more insistent with each passing minute.

I was coiled tight and needed more.

More of his hands.

More of his lips.

More of our bodies connected, rubbing against each other.

More of feeling desirable, seen as more than just a mom.

More of Benji, above all else.

Reaching up, I clawed at the buttons of his shirt, needing to see him, touch him, taste him.

An amused, lazy smile crept onto Benji’s lips. “My, my, what a greedy girl you’ve become.”

Groaning in frustration that my brain wasn’t sending the proper signals to my hands to get the job done, my head thrashed restlessly against the bedding. “It wasn’t like this before.”

Shaking his head in silent confirmation, he replied darkly, “Nothing about this will be like it was before. That fumbling virgin is long gone, sweet Liv. It’s time you forget about him because I’m about to fuck you like a grown-ass man.”

An embarrassing rush of moisture pooled at my core. The promise of him taking charge, the knowledge that he knew how to please a woman, had me writhing beneath him.

“Just do it already. Please,” I begged.

Clicking his tongue, he chided, “Not so fast. I like to play with my food before I eat it.”

Letting out a whine, all I wanted was for him to put me out of my misery. What kind of man wasn’t willing to skip straight to the grand finale? Foreplay was supposedly for the woman, and I was more than warmed up and ready to have his body joined with mine, owning me in a way only he ever had.

“Benj, I can’t take any more.” My voice was high-pitched, foreign to my own ears.

Moaning, he pulled back enough to rip the shirt from my body. “Fuck, Liv. Call me that again.”

“Benj, please. I need you,” I purred, trying to sound sexy, doing anything I could to push him over the edge.

Forehead dropping to my chest, he struggled to calm his erratic breathing. “You drive me fucking crazy, you know that? I don’t know which way is up when you’re around. I’ve never felt so out of control in my entire life.”

It was like he was describing my own reaction to him. My life was chaos when he was in it, but I didn’t want it any other way.

“I need you naked. Now.”

There wasn’t time to process his words before cool air met with my achingly hard nipples, and my jeans were ripped down my legs. I managed to get ahold of his shirt, tugging until it wrenched open, neither of us reacting to the buttons scattering across the room.

My eyes devoured the perfect specimen before me as my hands traced the ridged lines of muscles that had barely begun the last time we’d been intimate. His body was beautiful. Hard where I was soft, strong where I was weak.

So absorbed in taking in the view, I barely noticed that Benji had slid my panties down until fingertips grazed the edge of the wetness that had dripped down my thighs.

Covering my face, I was embarrassed that he could see how needy I was for him. My experience was lacking, and my body’s reaction made that obvious.

The mattress dipped, and fingers pried my hands away to reveal my heated cheeks. Expecting to see disappointment on his face, I was shocked to find Benji staring at me with tenderness, perhaps a hint of concern.

“Hey, are you okay? If you’re uncomfortable, we can stop.” His voice was filled with compassion. “You’re allowed to change your mind at any time.”

Sighing heavily, I accepted that I was already naked, so why not throw emotional vulnerability into the mix? “I’m sorry that it’s like a slip and slide down there.”

“What?” Benji’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Do you know how hot it is to see that you’re so soaking wet that it’s leaked down your legs?”

Shoving his shoulder, I scolded, “Stop. It’s embarrassing.”

Raising an eyebrow, I saw the moment he took it as a personal challenge to prove me wrong. Slinking down my naked body, his silver eyes never leaving mine, he settled between my thighs, prying them open, his gaze shifting to what he found there. I tried to close my legs, to escape whatever visual inspection would find me lacking, when he licked his lips.

Twin beacons of molten steel flashed up to me. “If you’re worried about the mess, I’ll just have to clean that up for you.”

“Huh?” My brows drew down. What was he talking about?

Puzzled, trying to figure it out, I missed when his face lowered to the apex of my thighs. The first breath of warm air on my sensitive flesh had my head lifting off the mattress in shock.

What was he doing down there, face-to-face with the most private part of me? He couldn’t be thinking of putting his mouth there, could he? I’d only heard about oral sex being performed on men—the term “blow job” had been thrown out early and often in the high school hallways. It was a loophole to remaining abstinent—one Benji and I had never utilized. We had skipped that step, opting to go big or go home. What would oral sex even look like performed on a woman? It just seemed strange and far too intimate an act.

I opened my mouth to stop him, but the words died on my lips, only to be replaced by a low, throaty moan as my eyes rolled into the back of my head with the first pass of his tongue.

The memory of his fingertips rubbing tight circles on my clit was still fresh in my mind, but his hand had nothing on his tongue. My back bowed off the mattress as he teased that tight little bud until my legs were shaking uncontrollably. Throwing both legs over his shoulders, my hips were lifted, allowing him to ease first one, then two fingers deep inside me. Any trace of embarrassment fled my body as I actively rode his face, chasing a release just out of reach.

My moans grew in pitch and frequency as I hurtled closer and closer to the peak of pleasure, desperate to be thrown over the edge.

“Please, Benji. I need more.” My words sounded distant, as if at the far end of a tunnel.

Benji growled against my slick flesh, the vibrations heightened the overwhelming onslaught of sensations, bringing me right there, but it was the fingers inside me that curled as if on command, massaging a spot inside me that I hadn’t known existed, and I shattered. A scream was torn from my throat as my body soared into space, weightless as pleasure permeated every cell from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

It took all my effort to coax my body to breathe in and out as the intense aftershocks of what could only be called a life-altering orgasm settled over my limp limbs.

My mind raced, trying to process what had just happened, but those thoughts fled when the sound of Benji smacking his lips reached my ears. Forcing my eyes open, I glanced down at him, a whimper escaping when I saw the satisfied smirk on his lips, the lower half of his face glistening with . . . well, me, I guess.

Lord help me, why was that such a provocatively sexy sight?

And the look in Benji’s eyes told me he was nowhere near done with me tonight.

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Chapter 18

Benji

This was not how I’d thought tonight would go, but you wouldn’t find me complaining. Liv was more stunning than I ever could have conjured up trying to picture her bare in my mind. And how responsive she was? Holy shit, she’d fallen apart before I got my fill of her alluring essence.

Usually, I’d have continued until she came twice on my tongue, demanding more from her body even if she begged me to stop. But Liv was trembling so violently that I decided she needed the rest more than she needed a second climax. I’d just be forced to save it for later.

She tasted fucking exquisite. It was a shame I never got to sample her years ago, but it was probably for the best. I was leaps and bounds more in tune with a woman’s body since the last time we’d been together. Liv had no clue about the subtle clues she gave that provided a road map to bringing her to heights of pleasure she’d never known before.

Her scream still echoed in my ears, the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. I could die a happy man knowing I finally got the chance to worship at the altar of her body after all this time. She had been my first. More than anything, I wanted her to be my last.

I hadn’t been inside her yet, but I already knew I would never be the same after tonight. We shared a connection I couldn’t quite name but one that had always been there. Like a magnet, I was drawn to her. Time and distance had weakened the pull, but it was stronger than any force on Earth when we were near.

She scrambled my brain. I couldn’t think straight most of the time, but fuck if I didn’t crave how she made me feel. Liv had supported me silently all these years, and I would spend the rest of my life showing her how grateful I was that she believed in me. She was the only person to ever love me when I wasn’t sure I was worthy of such an emotion.

The sound of her choppy breathing reached my ears, and I looked up from my perch between her luscious thighs. Licking some of her sweetness from my lips, I was half tempted to bite that creamy flesh, marking her as mine. My cock throbbed—still caged inside my pants—with the knowledge that I didn’t need to worry about staking my claim. She’d always been mine.

Eyes darkened almost to the color of emeralds peered down at me, and Liv’s lips parted as a whimper escaped. Fuck, she was sexy from this angle. Skin flushed from her orgasm, chest heaving trying to draw air, and golden hair tangled from thrashing against the sheets.

Crawling up her body, I paused to take a rose-tipped nipple into my mouth, grinning against her flesh as she moaned, hips eagerly jutting forward, searching for more. Barely recovered from her earlier climax, Liv was wound tight again, her body begging for release. Teasing my hand between her thighs, the tiniest brush against her clit made her squeal.

Releasing her nipple with an audible pop, I asked, “Too much?”

Eyes squeezed shut, Liv’s head thrashed from side to side. “Yes . . . No . . . I don’t know.”

I could sympathize with her confusion. My mind and body were not on the same page regarding this incredible woman. This overnight getaway had been meant to reconnect, to build a foundation for the future I hoped we could share. But when she’d taken the lead, crushing her mouth to mine, basically telling me she was a sure thing, my body screamed a resounding “hell yes!”

“Tell me what you want,” I commanded.

She was in charge tonight. I didn’t want her to feel forced in any way. If she wanted me, she could have me, but she set the terms. Liv would get one free pass. After tonight, she would learn quickly that I held the reins in the bedroom.

Liv’s eyes opened slightly, piercing me with a heavy-lidded gaze. Beautifully blissed out, a hand reached up to cup my jaw, a thumb rubbing lazily against my stubble.

“Mmm. That felt nice. Scratchy but nice,” she mused.

My mind lit up with other types of sensory play she might enjoy, but that was something to discuss another time. Too much too soon could scare her. As it stood, I’d just given her the first orgasm of her life not by her own hand.

If I had anything to say about it, it would be the first of many.

Capturing her lips in a teasingly slow kiss, I savored the taste of her. The hints of fruity red wine still lingered on her tongue from earlier. I groaned into her mouth as she shyly battled back, asserting herself as an equal participant where our lips fused.

Moving along her jaw, I paused by the shell of her ear. “Tell me what you want.”

Shifting beneath me, she breathed out, “I want you naked.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I was off the bed in a flash, standing before her as Liv raised on her elbows to enjoy my disrobing. My ego swelled as I caught her eyes scanning my torso, licking her lips as she took in the view.

Reaching down to the waistband of my shorts, my shaky hands—fuck, why am I shaking?—undid the button before dragging down the zipper of my fly. Shoving the shorts down my legs left me only in tight boxer briefs that were doing very little to hide how badly I wanted her. My cock was barely concealed, jutting in her direction, throbbing with a need to be buried deep inside her.

Sitting up, Liv inched toward the edge of the bed. Eyes on mine, she ran her hands down my abs, and I sucked in a sharp breath. When she encountered the elastic of my underwear, dragging them down slowly, allowing my cock to bounce free, a pained groan fell from my lips.

Kicking myself free of that final item of clothing, I was unprepared for the sensation of Liv’s small hand gripping my length tightly, giving a firm stroke.

“Fuuuuuck.” It was inelegant at best, but who could blame me? My brain was unsurprisingly devoid of blood at the moment.

It took every ounce of strength to remain upright as Liv boldly explored my dick with her hand. Peering up at me through thick black lashes, she asked with mock innocence, “So, this is what all the fuss is about?”

My hips thrust into her grasp, seeking any form of relief the small movement offered. “You’re killing me, Liv.”

Standing, she released me long enough to grip my shoulders, turning us around. A gentle push, and I fell back onto the bed, looking up at the angel standing above me. That’s exactly what Liv was—an angel sent to save my soul. I wasn’t worthy, but she’d still chosen me. I would never take that for granted again.

Kneeling on the bed, she straddled my hips. Poised above me, heat radiated from her pussy in waves. I longed to feel that warmth surrounding my cock, swallowing it whole, squeezing it tightly when she came.

Liv peered down at me, chewing her lip. I could tell she was wondering if she was being too bold, so I offered encouragement, letting her know I loved that she was taking charge. “You’re going to look so goddamn sexy riding my cock. Take what you need, sweetheart.”

I ran my hands up her thighs soothingly, amazed that I could touch her any way I wanted. My touch had her teeth releasing their hold on her lower lip, showcasing how swollen it was from our kisses. When she got close enough, I fully intended to thread my fingers through her hair and drag that mouth back down to mine.

Two hands landed on my chest as she lowered her hips. I hissed when her slickness coated my bare dick, and that was all it took to jostle me back to my senses.

“Wait!” My voice was strained but loud and forceful enough that Liv flinched in response.

Terrified green eyes stared down at me as she moved to scramble off my lap. “I’m sorry,” she rushed out. “I knew I was being too forward.”

Gripping her thighs, preventing her from leaving me, I took a deep breath, forcing myself to explain our current predicament. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just . . . I didn’t bring any condoms.”

A mixture of disbelief and amusement filled Liv’s beautiful face. “Seriously?”

Groaning, I closed my eyes, muttering to myself, “Fucking friend zone.”

Soft lips brushed mine, and my eyes flew open. Liv was pressed against my chest, holding my gaze. “Somehow, the two of us always end up here, no matter how old we are. Desperate for each other and without a condom.”

“I won’t do that to you again,” I vowed. “I know the power of self-control now.”

A sexy smile turned up on her lips, only adding to the physical torture of knowing I’d have to finish myself off in the shower. “I happen to work in healthcare and have been on the pill for years.”

Her words sank in, and it became clear what she was offering. Brow furrowing, I asked, “Are you sure?”

Pushing off my chest, back into the position to straddle above my waiting cock, she asked, “Have you been safe? Do you get tested?”

I nodded. “Of course. I’m clean, and you’re the only one I’ve ever gone bare with.”

Smirking, she lowered herself enough that my dick notched at her entrance. One quick upward thrust, and I’d be sheathed inside her. The temptation to take charge threatened to overpower me, the need to claim her as mine once and for all consuming me.

Liv’s smooth shoulders rose and fell as she winked. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Shaking my head in amazement, I couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, pretty girl’s got jokes?”

The time for talking seemingly over, Liv spoke with actions as she shifted above me, lowering her weight as her flesh yielded to allow me entry. She was so tight, hugging the head of my cock in a vise grip as she sank down the first few inches.

A strangled noise flew past my lips as I tried to keep some semblance of control. The last time we’d gone without a barrier had been quick—too quick—and if I wasn’t careful, this could become a repeat performance. She deserved more from me. She had waited so long. She’d waited for me.

Hearing the noise, Liv’s green eyes flashed to my face before concern filled them. “Oh, am I hurting you?” Under her breath, she muttered, “I’m too heavy to be on top.”

Digging my fingers into her hips, I held her immobile. “First off, you can throw the notion that you’re too heavy right out the window. Your ass haunts my dreams.”

“Maybe your nightmares,” Liv murmured.

Done with her self-deprecation, I pulled one hand back to swat that fine ass in warning. She yelped, and the vibrations did nothing to help with the current situation of trying not to blow my load too early.

Rubbing my palm over what I could only picture as a barely-there handprint, I commanded, “That’s the last time I hear you talk badly about your figure. Walking behind you has been torture these past few weeks. I’ve been popping boners in public, Liv. I haven’t had that happen since I was a teenager. Which also happens to be the last time I had the pleasure of gazing upon this mouthwateringly wide ass. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.”

Frowning, she asked, “Then why did you make that noise?”

Throwing my head back, I closed my eyes. “Because it’s torture being inside you, letting you take the lead. You feel like heaven and hell all wrapped into one. I want you to go slower and faster at the same time. My mind is about to explode, and that’s nothing compared to what my body is going through.”

Shifting her weight, Liv sank further onto my cock, forcing me to grit my teeth. If I looked at her, I knew it would be game over.

The softness of her ass meeting my thighs indicated she was fully seated. Rocking back and forth, I bit back a groan as she tested the feeling of fullness created by the connection of our bodies.

“Oh,” Liv moaned. Rocking again, her pitch grew. “Oh!”

Forcing my eyes open, I braced for the magnificent sight I knew awaited me. Seated on my cock, one of her hands had found its way to the back of her neck while the other reached back to brace on my thigh. Her eyes were barely open, shadowed in lust. She was more stunning than any pinup I had ever seen because her reactions weren’t forced for a camera; they were real and for an audience of one—me.

No one else ever had or ever would see her this way.

Giving a tiny thrust upward, her darkened green eyes widened, trying desperately to focus on my face. Grinding back in response, she moaned, “Why does this feel so good?”

If I weren’t so concerned with holding back, I would have chuckled. Holding her hips still, I shifted beneath her, circling my hips. “This?”

“Yes. There’s something right there.” Her voice was breathy, and it did nothing to ease the throbbing of my cock.

Considering most men had a hard time finding the spot the head of my cock was nudging inside her, it wasn’t completely surprising Liv hadn’t discovered it in her journey of self-love.

This time I kept my hips steady, shifting her back and forth over my cock. Liv groaned, enjoying the different ways we could use our bodies to elicit sexual gratification.

“That’s your G-spot, sweetheart,” I explained.

Shaking her head slightly, she countered, “That’s a myth.”

Goddamn, she was adorable. “I can assure you it’s very real. I could feel it when I had my fingers inside you. That’s what threw you over the top.”

Liv’s eyes grew large. “That’s what that was?”

“Uh-huh,” I confirmed, raising her slightly to slam back down. Her little squeal almost did me in. “Do you like being on top?”

“Yes,” she moaned, this time lifting on her own, sliding up and down my cock like a pro.

Her cries of pleasure filled the room as she took what she wanted from my body, and my toes curled with the effort to stave off my release. Liv’s inner walls gripped me tightly, the first ripples of her impending climax threatening to throw me over.

Not able to hold back another minute, I flipped us so she was beneath me.

Hazy, lust-filled eyes stared up at me as she teased in a daze, “Couldn’t let me have it, huh?”

“Oh, I’m going to let you have it,” I promised.

Without further warning, I braced myself, grabbing the headboard for leverage as I set a relentless rhythm, pounding into her with all my might—needing less, needing more, needing everything.

Her shrill screams reached my ears, but I kept going, the sounds of her pleasure spurring me on. Thick thighs cushioned each punishing blow as Liv wrapped her legs around my waist, trying to draw me deeper.

“Fuck,” I grunted out. “This body was made for sin.”

Writhing beneath me, Liv stilled for a moment at those words, mouth dropping open. Her body wasn’t just made for sin—it was seemingly made for me, offering the perfect complement of softness where I was hard.

Speaking of hard, my dick demanded attention, desperate for release deep inside this incredible woman.

I slammed into her, close to the brink myself, when Liv’s body finally went taut, lifting off the mattress as her pussy squeezed the life out of my cock. My balls tightened, her orgasm tipping me over the edge as a roar ripped from my throat with the force of it. Rocking my hips, I didn’t stop until I’d emptied every last drop of my release.

Prying my fingers loose from the headboard, I fell to the side, pulling Liv against my chest. Her hardened nipples brushed against my bare skin with each ragged breath she took, releasing a moan on every exhale. Brushing away the sweaty hair from her face, I kissed her forehead.

I’d had a lot of sex, but it was always a means to an end. Getting off was my main objective, and it was better than handling business on my own when there were willing participants easily accessible.

Nothing had felt like what Liv and I had just shared.

It was more than going bare. There was an emotional connection. We knew each other on a deeper level, and that made the sex explosive. It wasn’t just a race toward a release; it was intimacy, opening yourself up to another person and feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable. Until now, I’d thought that notion was complete bullshit.

I wanted to lie like this all night and wake up with her in the morning. Holding her made me whole.

There was no doubt in my mind that I couldn’t let her go again.

Sunlight filtered through the window. We hadn’t bothered to pull the curtains before passing out in each other’s arms, and I peered down at the stunning woman tucked securely against my chest.

The soft morning light pulled out golden streaks in her hair, and her creamy skin glowed. Pillow creases lined the side of her face, where a faint smile rested on her lips. I wondered what she might be dreaming about that made her happy.

This was the first time I’d woken up with a woman where I wasn’t filled with instant panic, a need to flee before they got an idea in their head that I wanted more. Not one of those meaningless fucks had ever tempted me to think about a future. They were forgotten the moment they walked out the door.

But with Liv, I could see the rest of our lives together. And it didn’t scare me in the least.

I could see us living together in Connecticut, getting a big house with a yard so Knox could play. The two of them coming to cheer me on at games, pressed up against the glass at warmups during pre-game with the other families. Enjoying taking a turn hosting a holiday with my found family. Celebrating birthdays and future milestones. Someday, getting on one knee, asking Liv to marry me. Maybe even having more kids. Knox was so perfect—it would be tempting fate to ask for the sequel to be as great as the original, but I was willing to try.

This was our second chance. And I was all in.

The object of my musings stirred in my arms, and I kissed the top of her head. “Good morning.”

Liv stretched, and I released my grasp, allowing her arms to move above her head. The thin sheet covering our bodies slipped with the movement, baring her breasts to my view. I hadn’t given them their proper due last night, but I would make up for it next time. Her ass was the main attraction, but her B-cups still deserved to be worshiped. Honestly, her whole body did. I marveled that it had given life to our son.

I would never be able to repay her for the physical and emotional sacrifices she’d made on my behalf. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t die trying.

She’d done an incredible job shouldering the load, but it was my turn now.

Eyes fluttering open, she peered up at me shyly. “Morning.”

Caressing her cheek, I dropped a kiss to her supple lips. “Sleep well?”

Shifting into the mattress, Liv moaned. “This bed felt like I was sleeping on clouds. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness clearly didn’t know what it was like to have money.”

Smiling sadly, I mused, “It might be a comfortable life, but it can be lonely.”

And it had been. Recently, that had become more evident than ever.

It was still fresh in my mind being on the ice, the hometown crowd screaming after we’d secured the first championship in Comets franchise history, and having no one there to celebrate with me. Sure, I had my teammates, but each one of them had flown in family from near and far for the game and shared special moments together on the ice post-win. They’d brought the trophy home to share with people who loved and supported them as they chased their dreams.

I was as alone as I was the day my dad had cut and run, not giving a shit about who took care of me or where I ended up.

The only silver lining about sharing my triumph with my old community was that it had brought me to my son, back to Liv.

But no amount of money could change the dark days of my past and the damage it had done to my sense of self-worth.

Liv reached up to smooth the creases that had formed along my forehead, whispering, “Being uncomfortable can be lonely, too.”

It was a simple admission but one that rocked me to the core. Liv had a family that adored her and supported her as a single mom. She had Knox. Yet, she still felt alone?

Tightening my grip on her, afraid she would slip through my fingers, I dared to ask, “Where do we go from here?”

Liv’s body stiffened, and she scrambled to sit up, clutching the sheet to her chest. I watched as the wall she’d carefully constructed around her heart went back up.

Swallowing, she replied, “Nothing has changed. You said yourself that last night was special.”

My heart sank. It was special. At least to me.

Couldn’t she feel our connection? Whether in bed, out on the town, or spending time with Knox, we fit together. It eclipsed everything else in my life.

“Don’t do this,” I begged, not caring how desperate I sounded. “Don’t downplay what we shared. Not just last night, but in the past.”

Sliding further from me on the bed, putting more space between us, she said weakly, “Knox has to come first.”

The way she said it was almost as if she was trying to convince herself to take a backseat once more to our son. Didn’t she realize they both could have everything? We all could.

“I think you’re forgetting that there wouldn’t be a Knox without the two of us.”

“That was just sex,” Liv shot back.

Needing to expel the energy coursing through my veins as she tried to push me away to protect herself, I got out of bed. Not caring that I was pacing naked before her, I threw my arms wide. “Is that what last night was for you? Just sex? Because let me tell you something, Liv, it wasn’t for me. You might not have much experience, but I do.” She flinched as I threw that fact in her face. “You turn me inside out most days to the point where I don’t know which way is up, but I would happily line back up to have you do it again day after day.”

A sigh shook Liv’s body. “It’s not as simple as you think it is. What am I supposed to tell people?”

“Fuck people!” I roared.

Eyes narrowing, not backing down, she asked, “What am I supposed to tell Knox?”

I would throw myself into the line of fire to protect our son. She had to know that. But he deserved to know the truth.

“You’re making this out to be bigger in your mind, Liv. People make mistakes. Hell, your dad is preaching about God’s forgiveness every Sunday, but you don’t think you’re worthy of our son’s? He’s old enough to understand that you thought you were doing the right thing at the time but have since realized your error in judgment. He loves you. He’ll get over it.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Liv’s voice was whisper-soft.

“Then he’ll have to answer to me,” I replied. “I will back you up. Jesus, Liv, I killed a story my publicist wanted to run weeks ago, throwing you under the bus when I was still so fucking mad at you that I couldn’t see straight.”

Gaping at me, Liv was stunned into silence.

Fucking finally.

“When will you see that we are in this together?” I took a deep breath before adding, “The way it should have been from the start.”

Dropping her gaze to the sheet covering her body, Liv nodded. Temper cooling, I crawled back to where she sat on the bed, tipping her chin to look at me.

The words I said next were meant to drive the point home. “I forgive you, Liv. And I will set the tone for our son.” Tears pooled in the green depths of her eyes, leaking down her face. Brushing them away with a thumb, I chuckled. “I’m sure it won’t hurt to see his parents together. What kid doesn’t want that?”

“T-together?” she sputtered.

I flashed her a smirk. “If you’ll have me. It’s always been you, Liv. You have to know that by now. You’re my past and my future, all rolled into one.”

A sob broke free from her chest. “I don’t want to be the convenient choice.”

Staring at her in disbelief, I shot back, “Oh, pretty girl. Nothing about you has ever been convenient. But you’re worth it.”

Sniffling, a watery laugh left her lips. “Can . . . can we work on us first? Ease Knox into the idea of us together before dropping the bomb about you being his dad? I don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“Of course.” Repeating her earlier statement, I said, “Knox comes first. But we have to find a balance where we see to our own needs outside of being his parents. I’ve seen it in action with my friends and their spouses; I know it can be done. You just have to trust me.”

Nodding, she replied, “Okay. Baby steps.”

Stroking her cheek, I whispered, “That’s all I ask.”

Peering down, Liv smiled shyly. “You do know you’ve been rock-hard this whole time, right?”

I shook my head at her innocence. “That’s how guys wake up, Liv. You think it’s easy to have an argument with you when all the blood in my body has rushed south?”

“Seems like a design flaw,” she teased.

I leaned in to nip at her earlobe. “Nah, just means I’m ready to go for makeup sex.”

“Oh!” Liv’s gasp was music to my ears as I gripped a fistful of the sheets, wrenching them from her body.

Working my mouth down her soft skin, I growled against it. “Now, don’t go pissing me off for sport just to get a reaction.”

“I would never,” she protested, moaning as I tugged a nipple between my teeth.

This trip had gone better than I could have ever dreamed. I’d come into it looking to build a friendship, but we’d found our way to laying our cards on the table, letting the other see our hand. Knowing we were finally on the same page and ready to move forward felt good.

We still had a long way to go, but I was willing to roll up my sleeves and put in the work to get us where we needed to be.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 19

Liv

The post-New York bliss clung to us longer than expected.

A week later, Benji was still looking at me with a fire in his stormy-gray eyes, wanting to spend every spare minute with me and Knox. When we couldn’t be together, he went out of his way to show he was thinking of me.

On my first day back to work after our getaway, a beautiful bouquet of red roses was delivered to my unit. It brightened up the nurse’s station, and speculation began on the floor about Liv’s mystery man. Taylor was particularly interested since she knew I hadn’t hit it off with Dave downstairs in peds and had protested every attempt at being set up for years prior to that blind date.

It would have been easy to brush off if it had only been flowers, but my next shift saw a huge breakfast spread of bagels and pastries sent for me and my coworkers. Taylor was not subtle about telling me to keep up whatever I was doing.

My third shift was later tonight, and I could only imagine what Benji had up his sleeve this time.

Knox ran off to play with the neighborhood kids while I cleaned up after dinner, getting everything settled before heading to work. A light knock on the front door before it opened indicated my mom’s arrival for the night.

Glancing back from where I stood, elbows deep in the soapy water filling the sink, I was surprised to find Pete standing in my kitchen. “Hey! What are you doing here?”

Leaning against the doorway separating the kitchen from the family room, he sank both hands into his pockets. “Mom was a little under the weather, and I was free tonight, so I offered to keep Knox company instead.”

I sighed, the weight of my dependence on my family threatening to suffocate me. I couldn’t keep this up much longer, not when Knox’s dad was ready and willing to jump in.

“You didn’t have to do that. If she’d have called, I could have figured out a sitter.”

Pete raised an eyebrow. “Who? Overnight babysitting isn’t what I would call a casual affair.”

Biting my lip, I knew exactly who but wouldn’t volunteer that information. Wiping my hands on a towel, I walked into Knox’s room, setting out his pajamas for the night. Pete followed behind, sensing my avoidance of his question and not ready to let it go.

“I’ve seen that Mills guy sniffing around. I don’t like it,” he declared.

Closing my eyes, I counted to three in my head before turning around to face him. “He’s Knox’s coach,” I explained.

Folding both arms over his chest, Pete pressed, “Are you sure that’s all he is? He’s been at your house far more than is acceptable for a kid’s coach.”

Deflection was my only course of action. Pete was pulling at a thread, so close to unraveling the secrets I’d held close for nearly a decade. Yes, Benji and I were working toward building a relationship, but I didn’t need someone else spilling the beans to Knox about who his father was. He deserved to know first before the gossips of this town passed judgment on the matter.

Hands on my hips, I shot back, “You can’t have it both ways, Pete. You made the sports push, and now you’re upset when a coach takes interest in him.”

Narrowing his eyes, the intense green gaze cut right through me. “But he’s not just any coach, is he, Liv? He’s funding Knox’s hockey. You don’t think there are ulterior motives?”

“No, I don’t.” And I believed that. Benji had said outright that he was planning to offer Knox the scholarship before he discovered that he was his son.

Pete stepped closer, and I held my ground, fighting the urge to retreat,. “There are rumors going around town, Liv.”

“So, what? There have been ‘rumors’ swirling about me since the day Knox was born.” I tilted my chin up, daring him to come right out and say what he was thinking.

“Billy mentioned that you got a brand-new top-of-the-line AC unit a few weeks ago. How did you manage to afford that?”

Jaw dropping at his malicious tone—one I’d never heard from his mouth before—I replied, "I'm sorry, Pete, I didn’t realize my finances were any of your business.”

Undeterred, he sneered, “That’s nothing compared to the hushed whispers that a particular hockey hotshot showed up at the bank and paid off your mortgage.”

I gaped at my brother. That was news to me and not something I would have allowed had Benji come to me first.

Probably why he did it behind your back.

My brain wanted to be angry at Benji for overstepping, but the part of me that was so deeply in love with him believed his heart was in the right place. Regardless of good intentions, he needed a lesson in communication—the foundation of a lasting relationship.

“I don’t know anything about that.” I tried to keep the tremble from my voice.

“He shouldn’t be alone with Knox. It’s not appropriate, even for a coach.”

Mentally exhausted, I rubbed both hands over my face. “He’s just helping us out. I can’t always get Knox to Rippen on time with work.”

“Then you ask us, not some stranger!” Pete roared.

Flinching at his sudden increase in volume, I’d finally had enough. “He’s not a stranger!” I yelled back. “We’ve known him since we were kids!”

Scoffing, he ignored my outburst. “I know how guys like that operate.”

Oh, here we go. You’re about nine years too late to warn me off from Benji.

Gritting my teeth, preparing for a battle to defend my son’s father, the man I loved, I asked, “Oh? And how’s that?”

Leaning in, Pete’s voice was practically a growl. “He thinks because you already have a kid, you’re loose, and he can get a little something on the side. A little repayment for ‘helping you out’.”

Without warning, the sharp crack of flesh colliding echoed throughout the room. The sting vibrating against my palm was nothing compared to the pain of Pete cutting open the insecurities simmering beneath the surface over being back with Benji after all this time.

Stunned, Pete stumbled back, clutching the side of his face where an angry red handprint blossomed. Reality sank in seeing the mark I’d left, and I collapsed onto Knox’s twin bed, ashamed. In all my life, I had never struck another human being.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Leaning against the dresser, Pete’s eyes softened. “No, I’m sorry, Liv. I was only trying to protect you, and I went too far. I lowered myself to the same level as all the small-minded people of this town, seeing your situation through their eyes, and that was wrong. I don’t want to see you hurt. He’s going to leave, and then what happens?”

Hot tears carved a path down my cheeks at the truth of his words.

Benji hadn’t mentioned going back to Connecticut, but it was a constant black cloud hanging over us. I knew he had to go back—it was where his life was, his job. How would we make any of this work separated by nearly a thousand miles? What did that mean for how we parented Knox?

My entire adult life was spent treading water, barely keeping my head above the surface. What if Benji was the reason I floundered after working so hard?

What was I supposed to do now? Bring it up and burst our bubble of happiness? Or bury my head in the sand and pretend as if our relationship didn’t have an expiration date? Neither option was ideal. Both would result in being left brokenhearted yet again.

But if I was putting Knox at the forefront, I owed it to him to enjoy these last few weeks of having his father in his life. My sweet little boy was going to lose his mind when he learned his favorite person was really his dad. That moment was hurtling toward us at breakneck speed, and that was where I decided to point my focus.

The rest would sort itself out. Hopefully.

“Liv?” Benji’s voice carried through the house, followed by the sound of the door closing behind him.

“In the kitchen!” I called back.

The tiny kitchen table overflowed with items secured during my morning shopping trip. Eyeing the mess when he walked into the room, Benji asked, “What’s all this?”

“Back to school madness.” I sighed. This year, Knox would be in third grade, and the list of supplies had doubled from the previous year. “First, it’s pencils and markers and glue sticks. Then, it’s clothes shopping.” Shaking my head, I added, my voice full of sarcasm, “Knox’s favorite.”

“Back to school . . .” Benji’s voice trailed off.

Glancing up at him as he moved further into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, I noted how a frown marred his handsome face. Tilting my head, I remarked, “You seem about as enthusiastic at the prospect as the kids.”

“I thought we had more time,” he muttered, staring at the floor.

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” I teased, but every muscle in my body tensed, anticipating where this conversation was headed, bracing for impact.

A heavy breath left his lungs before he stared up at me. “I need more time.”

I gave him a small smile. “Don’t we all?”

“Come back to Connecticut with me,” Benji blurted out before giving me that entirely too-endearing boyish grin.

Knowing he had to go back at the conclusion of summer, it never once occurred to me that Benji would want us to return with him.

The Liv inside my heart that was in love with him melted into a puddle of goo at his request—well, maybe it was more of a demand, but who’s counting? But the steady, responsible Liv inside my head was louder, reminding me I couldn’t get swept away. Regardless of our history, what we had was too new. It bordered on reckless, making decisions under the glow of a brand-new, shiny relationship when every happy ending seemed possible.

Moving was a huge deal. Everything I’d ever known—everything Knox had ever known—was here in Wardale. My family was here. I didn’t know a single soul in Connecticut. Benji raved about his found family there, but to me, they were strangers.

The idea of starting my life again in a new city was terrifying at twenty-five—what would it be like for Knox? He would have to go to a new school and make new friends on top of processing that Benji was his dad.

It was too much, too soon.

Going with the weakest of excuses, already gauging that Benji was getting his hopes up, I asked, “What about my job?”

Benji waved a dismissive hand. “You don’t need to work. I’ll take care of the both of you like I should have done from the start.”

He said it so casually, as if my life before his return had meant nothing. Like I was biding time until he could come back and rescue me—correction: rescue Knox. My conversation with Pete days ago went to the front of my mind. Although, he’d had it a little bit backward.

Benji wasn’t using Knox to get into my pants. He’d gotten into my pants to work out a permanent place in Knox’s life.

I began to see our getaway to New York in a new light. He had claimed it was about building a friendship, but every step of the way, he’d made sure to show me how easy it was for him to throw money around. Combine that with the expensive hockey equipment and private training for Knox, the air conditioning unit, and the mortgage he’d paid off—a quick call to the bank had confirmed that rumor.

The weight of it all became too much to bear, and something inside me snapped.

“You can’t buy us, Benji!” I screamed.

For a split second, Benji stood there, stunned. Then, the force of my words hit home, and anger began to radiate off him in waves. I watched as he sucked in air, gearing up to scream back, but even that warning wasn’t enough to keep me from wincing as he roared, “He’s my fucking son! Why do you make me out to be the villain for wanting the best for him?”

There it was. The reminder I needed that the reason he’d stayed here was for Knox, not me.

Confirmation of my secret fear hung heavy in the air as the silence stretched between us.

It had been foolish to allow myself to be swept off my feet by his charm. He hadn’t written or called me once in the nine years since he left. I had been firmly rooted in his past, only thrust into his future by virtue of the son we shared. He wouldn’t still be here, would have never walked back into my life, if he hadn’t crossed paths with Knox by chance.

By now, I was used to taking a backseat to my son. And truthfully, that was the way it should be.

But that conviction wasn’t enough to ease the ache in my heart.

Taking a calming breath, needing to regain a level head, I replied, “The best for him? Or the best for you? Because Knox is fine, I assure you. He doesn’t know any different to covet the kind of life you want him to have.”

Chest heaving, Benji’s fists clenched by his side. He opened his mouth several times to speak but closed it each time without uttering a single word.

Good. He needed to think on this for a minute. People didn’t snap their fingers and pick up their lives on a whim. He’d gotten far too comfortable with having enough money to move mountains.

Stumbling to the kitchen chair closest to where he stood, he sank onto it heavily, the cheap wood creaking beneath the force of his weight. Haunted gray eyes stared up at me, lost, as he breathed out, “I can’t leave him here.”

Every ounce of anger I’d felt in the heat of our argument melted away. The pain written on Benji’s face made me want to wrap my arms around him and comfort him like I would Knox.

“I can’t drive past that fire station on my way out of town, knowing my son is in the rear-view mirror.” His voice was thick with that admission, the ghosts of his past rising to the surface.

The angry, controlling man was gone, and in his place sat a scared, neglected little boy. The same little boy whose own parents hadn’t cared more about him than their selfish pursuits to get high. Knox might not have always had both his parents, but he was never short on love. How could I deny this man the unconditional love of his son? It seemed cruel to keep them apart. I saw that now.

Stepping forward, I cupped his cheek, lowering my body onto his lap as he wrapped his arms around me, holding on so tight it became difficult to breathe. Benji clung to me like I was a life preserver as he drifted off to sea, desperate for rescue from the unrelenting waves threatening to drag him under.

He needed this—this connection to another human being that had been missing his entire life. And I was in a position of power to give it to him.

Knowing love was about give and take, I whispered, “We’ll figure it out.”

Benji simply nodded into the crook of my neck where he’d buried his face.

Stroking his hair soothingly, I offered, “Knox should be home soon. Want me to call my mom and see if she can bring him home early?”

Pulling back to stare at me with cloudy gray eyes, he uttered a single word. “Please.”

The anguish in his voice shattered my heart, and the mom inside me wanted to make this all better for him. If I could snap my fingers and make his dreams come true, I would, but it wasn’t that simple. We would have to talk through this like adults. But not right now. Right now, this man needed his son to light up just at the sight of him.

Laughing lightly when he refused to let me go, I explained, “Can’t call Mom if I can’t get to my phone.”

Sighing, Benji reluctantly released his grasp, allowing me to cross the kitchen to retrieve the phone from my purse. Pulling up the numbers on speed dial, I pressed the one that would connect me with my mother.

It rang twice before connecting, her warm voice filling the speaker next to my ear. “Hello, darling girl.”

“Hey, Mom. I was wondering when you were planning to drop off Knox?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line before my mom’s voice carefully said, “I dropped him off a little while ago, Olivia.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. “What?”

“I watched him walk into the house. Normally, I’d walk him up, but he’s so fast these days, and I saw you had company. The way he barrels through doorways, I was certain you would hear him.”

I glanced at Benji and said to him, “Check the house for Knox. Mom said she already dropped him off.”

Heart hammering, I placed a hand to my chest, trying to convince myself that Benji and I had been so caught up that maybe we hadn’t heard him come in. He could be in his room playing, for all we knew.

Sensing my distress, Benji leapt into action, quickly covering the house with his large strides. Returning to the kitchen, he shook his head. “No, he’s not here.”

The room began to spin. Knox had been inside the house after Benji’s arrival. That could only mean one thing: he knew Benji was his dad.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, dropping the phone, needing both hands to grip the table to remain upright.

Crouching down, Benji scooped up the phone, hitting the button to access the speaker function. “Mrs. Mason? It’s Benji Mills.”

There was a moment of surprise on the other side of the line. “Oh! Oh, hello, Benji.”

Benji didn’t mince words. “I need you to tell me exactly when you dropped off Knox.”

“Um . . .” Mom paused. “It must have been at least twenty minutes ago.”

Catching my eye, he muttered, “He couldn’t have gotten far.”

He was optimistic, but I was running through every worst-case scenario.

Fear gripped my heart. I didn’t know where my son was, but if I knew him, he was just as angry as his father had been only a few minutes ago. He was only eight, but he’d overheard life-altering news and wouldn’t be able to process it properly on his own. Benji was struggling with it, and he was a grown man.

Placing the phone on the counter, he spoke to my mom. “Mrs. Mason. I’m going to leave you on the line. Liv’s here. I’m going to see if maybe he went down the street to play with some of the neighborhood kids.”

“Of course,” she replied. “I’m sure that’s all this is. He’s impulsive, that one.”

“Right.” He nodded woodenly even though she couldn’t see him. Glancing at me, he said, “I’ll take a quick run up and down the street, then through backyards. Be right back.”

I couldn’t respond as my mind raced, trying to think of where Knox might go. If he took his bike, his range would be further. On his own, he was vulnerable. Out in the neighborhood, I was comfortable with the adults of this town keeping a watchful eye on him. If he ventured outside of town limits, all bets were off. Human trafficking was very real, especially in this area, isolated and so close to the border.

Knox was my life, my reason for living. If something happened to him because I couldn’t set my pride aside and tell him the truth about Benji’s role in his life, I would never forgive myself.

Collapsing onto the dingy tile of the kitchen floor, I managed to sob out, “Mom.”

Above me, her voice called out through the phone, “I’m on my way, honey. Just hang on until I get there.”

Curling into the fetal position as tears streamed down my face, all I could do was wish I had done everything so differently. It was my fault Knox had run off, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to him.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 20

Benji

My search of the neighborhood had come up empty, and nightfall was quickly approaching. Cars lined the street of friends of the Mason family, willing to search for my son.

How had this happened? How had Liv and I gotten so caught up in our drama that we hadn’t heard Knox enter the house? Or leave it again, for that matter?

Liv had been sobbing in her mother’s arms since she arrived. I, on the other hand, was growing angrier with every passing minute we weren’t out there searching for Knox.

Pete had called his firefighter buddies and was heading up the charge for the search party. He’d been throwing me looks of contempt for over an hour, and I was sick of it.

Charging onto the porch where he’d set up a map of the town, breaking it into sections, I challenged, “Are we going to sit here all night planning a search? Or are we going to do it? There’s an eight-year-old boy out there, and the sun is getting closer to setting with each minute we waste!”

Pete scowled at me. “We can’t go running off half-cocked. The best chance we have of locating Knox is by being strategic. Covering as much ground as possible, utilizing our resources efficiently.”

Crossing my arms, I was unimpressed by his show of superiority. “Looks like you’ve had plenty of time to ‘plan.’ It’s time for action.”

Stepping closer, Pete thought he was intimidating, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I wasn’t a man he wanted to fuck with tonight.

“I don’t know why you’re even here,” he sneered. “You’re not a friend, and you’re certainly not family. You should go home. Back to where you came from.”

“Not family?” I spat back.

“Benji . . .” Liv’s voice reached my ears before I felt a hand tugging on my arm.

I shook her off. I was done with this bullshit. Knox was out there, and the games needed to end. When our son was home and safe, I would beg for forgiveness.

Shoving Pete in the chest with both hands, there was a sense of satisfaction when he was knocked off balance, staggering backward.

“Not family?!” I roared, repeating myself. Throwing one arm out, gesturing to the vastness beyond Liv’s property, I declared, “That’s my son out there!”

The crowd gathered grew silent at my words, and I felt all eyes on me. Liv’s soft weeping was the only sound in the quiet of the twilight.

Pete glared at me with murderous intent. Teeth gritted, he forced out, “What did you just say?”

Doubling down, I took a menacing step forward. “Knox is my son. So, if you’re done posturing like you’re the most important man in the room, I’d like to see him home safe.”

Pure, unfiltered rage filled Pete’s dark green eyes as he charged with a cry. Knocking me off balance, we tumbled down the few steps of the porch onto the ground below.

Caught off guard, fists rained down on me from above as Pete screamed, “How fucking dare you?! You left her here, all alone, to struggle while you’re off in your mansion counting piles of cash?”

Landing a blow to his jaw, I stunned him enough that I could flip our positions. Throwing a jab to his stomach, air whooshed from his mouth.

I yelled back, defending myself. “I didn’t know, asshole! You think I would have stayed away if I had?”

Liv’s screams from behind barely registered as I pounded into Pete’s face. Regaining his bearings, he bucked his hips, knocking me off him. Undeterred, we continued to wrestle on the lawn.

“What I think,” he grunted out, dodging my next blow, “is that you use women, discarding them when you get bored.”

He hit me right below the eye, and I saw stars for a moment. I geared up to strike back, but one stern voice cut through the night. “THAT’S ENOUGH!”

Both of us immediately ceased, staring up at the source of that commanding voice. Mrs. Mason stood above where we lay on the ground, hands on her hips.

Instantly filled with remorse, I felt like a chastised child. Dropping my eyes, I muttered, “Sorry.” Those words were meant for Mrs. Mason and Liv, not for the asshole who thought he was better than me.

Not acknowledging my apology, she asked sharply, “How do either of you think this will find Knox?”

I quickly glanced at Pete beside me.

He hung his head, uttering, “It won’t.”

“That’s right. Put your egos aside and focus on the task at hand.” She heaved a heavy sigh. “Pete, you’re going to continue coordinating the search. There isn’t time to waste. Benji, you’re going to channel your focus into finding your son. I have a feeling that when you have a goal in mind, you’ll move heaven and earth to meet it.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I nodded. She was right. Nothing could stand in my way when I set my mind to something. I’d proven that to be true multiple times over in my life.

Rising to my feet, I brushed the dirt from my clothing. Below my left eye was a persistent throbbing where I knew a shiner was forming. Tasting blood, I darted my tongue out, hissing when it met with the split flesh of my lower lip. I embraced the pain—it distracted from the ache in my chest, knowing Knox was out there, scared and alone.

Catching the motion of Liv walking down the porch steps from the corner of my eye, I turned my back to her. Selfishly, I’d revealed her greatest secret and then fought with her brother. I was ashamed of my actions and couldn’t face her right now. Not until I made this right.

Striding away from Liv’s approach, I heard her call out from behind me, “Benji, where are you going?”

Not turning around, I shouted back, voice laced with determination, “To find our son.”

Hopping into my car, I drove off, a man on a mission. I wasn’t coming back without Knox.

Driving to the outskirts of town, I decided to work from the outside in, praying Knox was smart enough not to leave town. Slowly cruising the quiet country roads, my headlights illuminated the empty fields. The longer I drove with no sign of Knox, the more panicked I became.

I didn’t know I had a son for the first eight years of his life. Now, the idea of never seeing him again had the power to destroy me. If we couldn’t find him, I knew I would never recover. Less than two months of Knox in my life, and he was already the center of my universe, my reason for living. Without him, nothing would hold meaning.

Rubbing a hand over my weary eyes, tired from squinting to see further in the dark, that’s when I saw it. A tiny flash caught the corner of my vision, and I slammed on the brakes. Leaving the car in the middle of the road, I ran toward whatever had caught the reflection of the headlights.

Turned on its side in the empty field was an overturned bike—Knox’s bike. The light must have kicked off one of the reflector plates. My relief was short-lived as I scanned the area for my son, coming up empty.

Maybe he wasn’t here. Perhaps this was where someone had picked him up, an easy target alone.

Panic clawed up my chest, and my voice was strangled as I called out, “Knox! Knox, are you out there?!”

The sound of my voice traveled into the empty night, and I strained my ears, praying to God that I received a response. Tiny sniffles reached my ears, and I took off running through the field.

Trying again, I said softly, “Knox, bud, no one is mad that you ran away. We just want to make sure you’re safe.”

My heart pounded in my ears, making it hard to hear any additional signs that might lead me to his hiding spot. He was clearly upset, and I was compelled to do whatever it took to make it better. But I couldn’t do that if I couldn’t find him.

Frantic, I searched the field, relief washing over me when I discovered my boy curled up behind a tree trunk not far from where I’d left the car. His tiny body shook as he tried to control the hiccups from crying. My heart splintered into a million tiny shards, slicing me open at seeing my son in pain.

Crouching beside him, I kept my hands to myself, not wanting to scare him. “Hey, superstar,” I whispered to the little boy who had stolen my heart.

Knox turned to look up at me from where he lay. There was enough light flooding the field from the headlights that I could see how bloodshot his eyes were—the sadness staring back at me would haunt me in my nightmares. Liv was right. A parent would do anything to keep their child from hurting. It was my turn to step up and assume the role that should’ve always been mine.

Rubbing against the tightness in my chest, I gave him a tiny smile. “Don’t tell me. You came out to stargaze.” Knox blinked up at me, so I sat beside him, leaning against the tree trunk, remarking, “I can’t say I blame you. It’s a beautiful night for it. Not a cloud in the sky.”

Realizing that I wasn’t going to reprimand him for running off, he sat up. The weight of his body leaning on mine finally had my heart rate settling, and I could take a deep breath for the first time in hours.

So quiet, I almost didn’t hear him, Knox asked, “Are you really my dad?”

I sighed. This was definitely not how I’d envisioned explaining to Knox the depth of our relationship, but circumstances had changed. There was no hiding it anymore, no way to soften the blow. We’d fucked it up spectacularly, and I was on damage control now.

“Yeah, bud,” I replied. “Is that okay with you?”

He nodded against my arm in response. “Are you going to leave again?”

Heart in my throat, I answered his question with one of my own. “Do you want me to?”

“No.” Knox sniffled. “I want to come with you.”

Well, that makes two of us, kid.

Lifting the arm he leaned against, I pulled him close. “It’s not that simple, Knox.” How did you tell your child that you would do anything to stay with them, but their mom was calling all the shots? Throwing Liv under the bus wasn’t going to help the situation. Besides, I’d promised her that I would have her back, which was one promise I intended to keep.

“Why did Mom lie to me?” There was an edge in his voice. I knew that edge—it was born from anger. An anger that was often quick to surface and hard to control. That was one part of me I wished he hadn’t inherited.

Hugging him tighter, I whispered against his hair, “She was only trying to do the right thing. Your mom loves you. She’s so scared right now, not knowing where you are.”

“I wanted her to be scared!” His tiny body shook with rage.

Fuck, how was I going to diffuse this bomb?

Racking my brain, I searched for the words to settle my son. When I’d been angry at the world, at my dad, there was nothing to ground me, to keep me in check. It had felt like no one cared—that was the source of my fury. Knox wasn’t alone. He had the whole town out looking for him, which was exactly what he needed to realize.

“What about your grandparents and Uncle Pete? Do you want them to be scared?” I asked.

Knox was silent for a moment, but I felt the tension leave his body. “No,” came his reply.

“Well, they are. Everyone is worried about you right now—all your family and friends. I understand you’re upset with your mom—believe me, I do. But we can figure all that out later. Right now, it’s time to get you home and let all those who care about you know you’re okay.”

Peering up at me, he nodded. “Okay.”

Shit. This parenting stuff was not for the faint of heart. How the hell did Jaxon pull it off with four kids? I was struggling with just the one.

Scooping Knox into my arms, I carried him to the car, buckling him in. Returning to the field, I picked up his bike, stowing it in the trunk.

Getting behind the wheel, I closed my eyes. I may have found Knox, but something told me the night’s drama was far from over.

Knox had fallen asleep before we reached Liv’s house, so when we arrived, I gently cradled him against my shoulder, transporting him from the car to the house.

There were a few stragglers, but most who had gathered earlier were gone, out on the hunt for Knox. Liv was still on the porch with her mother when she caught sight of our approach.

Throwing a hand to her chest in relief, she rushed toward us. “Oh my God.”

She held her arms out to take him, but Knox lifted his head, rousing from sleep to scream, “No!”

Shocked, Liv stumbled back before tears filled her eyes again. Using my free hand, I cupped her cheek. “I’ll get him settled. You make the calls to call off the search.”

Lip trembling, she gestured to Knox. “B-but . . .”

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “He’s home. He’s safe. Let’s focus on that for now.”

Nodding, tears carved a path down her face. Both the people I loved were hurting tonight, and I would fix this or die trying. There was no other option.

Stepping onto the porch, the screen door was held open for me by Liv’s mother. In hushed tones, I said, “Thank you, Mrs. Mason.”

Looking up at me, there was a kindness in her eyes—not something I would expect from the woman whose daughter I’d knocked up at sixteen and whose son I’d beaten the crap out of earlier tonight.

Reaching up a hand, she brushed the hair away from Knox’s forehead. “I think it’s safe to call me Alice now. We’re family, after all.”

Family. The one thing I’d never had was suddenly all around me.

Giving her a small smile, I entered the house, carrying Knox to his bedroom. Laying him on the bed, I removed his shoes before rolling him enough to untuck the covers.

Stirring, he blinked up at me with heavy eyelids. “Don’t leave me.”

Closing my eyes, I dropped my forehead to his. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

Arms circled my neck, holding me close, and I was overwhelmed by the emotions that tiny action brought forth.

That was, until Knox sleepily murmured, “I love you, Dad,” and my heart cracked wide open.

A lump lodged in my throat as I replied, “Love you too, buddy.”

Come hell or high water, I would figure out how to keep us together. Nothing else mattered.

Wanting to hold him forever, I knew he needed rest, so I extracted myself from his grasp, turning off the lights and pulling the door closed enough to leave it slightly cracked. Sagging against the wall beside the door frame, the evening’s events washed over me.

I’d run through the entire gamut of human emotions in the last few hours—excitement, hopefulness, anger, fear, relief, and finally, love. Life was a rollercoaster with twists and turns, going so fast at times that you wanted to get off but were strapped in for the ride, forced to see it through to the end.

I’d thought I had it all figured out two months ago, but I’d been dead wrong.

Liv’s weary voice called from the kitchen, “Everyone’s gone home.”

Pushing off the wall, I moved to join her. She sat slumped in a chair, but I elected to stand. A sense of déjà vu jolted through me. Had it only been mere hours ago we were in this room discussing—arguing over, really—how to handle our future past this summer? Seemed like a lifetime ago.

Leaning against the counter, I exhaled deeply. “Knox is sleeping. I’ll take the couch tonight. I promised him I wouldn’t leave.”

Peering up at me with sad green eyes, she asked, “He heard everything, didn’t he?”

Ruefully, I nodded. “It would seem so.”

Dropping her gaze, Liv whispered, “This is all my fault. My secrets are hurting the people I care about when all I was trying to do was protect you.”

“It might take some time, but Knox will get over it.”

Sobbing softly, she replied, “You saw him out there. He wouldn’t even let me touch him. He hates me.”

I couldn’t stand watching her suffer a moment longer. Nothing about today had gone according to plan, so it was only fitting that the rest of my “plans” went right out the window.

This was my moment of truth.

“He doesn’t,” I declared. “But even if he did, I will love you enough for the both of us.”

Startled, she lifted her head, eyes searching mine. “What did you say?”

Coming closer, I reached out both hands to cup her cheeks. “Liv, you stole my heart at seventeen, and I don’t think you ever gave it back. That’s why everything has been meaningless since I left you behind. You kept my heart safe, patiently waiting for me to return and retrieve it. To remember where I belong, by your side.”

Letting out a shaky breath, tears fell freely down her face. “Do you think I ever stopped loving you? Why do you think there’s been no one else? Because my naïve heart thought that maybe someday you’d come back. Even as the years passed and the nights grew colder, I held out hope.”

Dropping my forehead to hers, I let the words settle over my heart.

Liv was the first person to ever love me, and she’d made incredible sacrifices in the name of that love. Maybe it was time to repay the favor.

Jaxon’s words from earlier this summer rang out inside my head.

“When all this fades away, love remains. If I had to choose between never winning this trophy or having my wife, I would choose her. Every. Single. Time.”

I hadn’t understood what he meant at the time, but I did now. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for this woman and our son. The game was just that—a game. Wins or losses didn’t matter if I didn’t have them in my life every single day.

Family came first. My son deserved far better from me than I had received from my parents. He deserved to know he was loved, that he could count on me no matter what. Liv deserved a partner to share in the load of parenting, to allow her the freedom to take care of herself for once, and to help her discover her identity past being Knox’s mom. She was my everything, and I would dedicate the rest of my life to showing her how true that was.

Sure, I hadn’t been there during the last nine years when they needed me, but I had the power to set things right now.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this.

Pulling back to look her in the eye so she’d know I was serious, I said, “If you and Knox won’t come with me, I’ll stay here.”

Liv shook her head. “No. You can’t.”

Holding firm, I replied, “I refuse to allow him to continue living without his dad. He deserves so much more than I had growing up, and I’ll be damned if I make the wrong choice and risk hurting him. You taught me that being a parent is about sacrifice, so here I am, offering myself up on the altar. Knox is my world. You are my world. I’m just sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

Staring up at me, Liv’s mouth dropped open. The silence stretched on for what felt like hours, and I began to sweat. She’d said she loved me, but there was still that seed of doubt—growing by the minute—that it wasn’t enough. That she’d tell me to go home, that she didn’t want me here upending their life.

That maybe . . . I wasn’t good enough.

With how many times I’d heard those words from Shane, I’d begun to believe them. It had taken years—and a lot of distance—to put that behind me, but the shadows of my past reared their ugly head now.

Liv’s head moved side to side slowly, and it appeared I had my answer. Staggering back, my first impulse was to run away, to hide from the pain of being unwanted yet again.

Then, she spoke.

“Love is also about sacrifice. I made a choice a long time ago to support you in your career. I almost forgot by allowing myself to get caught up in the joy of seeing you with Knox these past couple of months.”

Terrified of the answer, I asked, “What are you saying?”

Closing her eyes briefly, she took a deep breath before reopening them. “I’m saying that we will come to Connecticut with you.”

Relief and overwhelming joy flooded my body, and I couldn’t contain it. A smile broke out on my face, and I moved to pull her into my arms. I couldn’t believe it—she was telling me I could have it all, the career and the family.

Holding her hands out to stop my approach, she added, “But I have conditions.”

Freezing in my tracks, I tried to hide my disappointment. “Let’s hear them.”

Studying me closely, she bit her lip. “First, I need two weeks to give notice at work. I refuse to leave them in the lurch. If you have to go on ahead of us, that’s fine.”

Waving my hand, I replied, “Done. Two weeks will be no issue.”

“Second, Knox will continue going to public school.”

I tilted my head. “But—”

“No.” She cut me off. “It’s non-negotiable. I don’t want to hear about how your friends have an ‘in’ at a top-tier private school. He stays in public school. His life will be disrupted enough with the move. I want our son to stay grounded and to remember where he comes from. That’ll be hard to do if he gets sucked into that rich-kid culture.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What do you know about rich-kid culture?”

Liv dropped her gaze. Her whole life had been spent up here in the UP. Wardale was far from the tourist destinations up here, where those from the lower peninsula flocked to every summer. Wealthy Michiganders with lake houses as their second homes returned to their primary residences by the time school began. Their children didn’t attend school with the local kids.

Quietly, she replied, “From movies.”

If I hadn’t been in the middle of the bargain of my life, I would have laughed. As it was, I had to hide a smile behind my hand when she peeked up sheepishly after that admission.

Slightly more relaxed, I sat opposite her at the kitchen table. “I can assure you that the rich kids—and adults who grew up rich—I know are very grounded. But, if it’s important to you, Knox can attend public school.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Anything else?”

Liv nodded. “Just one more thing.” Pausing for a moment, I could sense her hesitation. “I get to keep working.”

“Liv . . .” I pinched the bridge of my nose. Hadn’t we already gone over this today? I made more than enough to take care of them.

“Hear me out. It’s not about the money. I need to have a purpose, something to bring fulfillment to my life. Is that so much to ask?”

The way she stared at me with those moss-green eyes, I knew I couldn’t refuse her request. I was asking so much of her that I had to be willing to bend. Never let it be said that I was unwilling to compromise.

Placing my hand palm up on the kitchen table in a silent gesture for her to take it, she slipped her soft hand against my rough one. Feeling that connection gave me strength. I needed her more than she would ever know. She was my lifeline.

“You have a deal.” I stroked my thumb over her knuckles.

Nervous laughter fell from her lips. “I can’t believe we’re really doing this. People are going to think we’re crazy.”

I shrugged. “Eh, can’t control what people think about you.”

Liv huffed, “Ain’t that the truth.”

Standing, I pulled her into my arms, brushing a lock of dark blonde hair from her face. “But you know what? We have control over proving them wrong. Our happiness isn’t dependent on the opinions of others. It’s long past time to write our story the way we want to. Don’t you think?”

A smile crept onto Liv’s face. “Absolutely.”

Dipping my head, I kissed her long and slow. All was finally right in the world.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 21

Benji

It hadn’t taken long to pack up all of Liv and Knox’s belongings or to winterize the house. But what took up the majority of their final weeks in Wardale was saying goodbye to the only home they’d ever known.

Most nights were spent having dinner at Liv’s parents’ home. Knox was their only grandchild, and they had been there for him when I couldn’t be. I would forever be in their debt for caring for my family in my absence.

Alice and Todd Mason had welcomed me into their family without question. They understood that had I known about Knox, I would have done right by both him and Liv. Now that I knew the truth, I was doing everything in my power to step up for the woman I loved and our son.

When I’d offered to refund them the cost of Liv’s medical bills from Knox’s birth, they outright refused to take my money. Like most of the people in this town, they were proud. So, instead, I made a comparable donation to the church—something I knew they couldn’t turn down.

Pete had kept his distance, going out of his way to say goodbye privately to Liv and Knox. I didn’t mind. He wasn’t my favorite person, and I couldn’t risk upsetting my family if he pushed me over the edge again.

With all loose ends tied up, we set off for Connecticut.

Knox bounced in his seat the entire flight, and I found it difficult not to fidget in mine. I had a surprise waiting for them when we landed and was struggling to contain my excitement.

Disembarking on the ground in Hartford, I could breathe easy for the first time in months. I was finally home.

Leading Liv and Knox to the car waiting for us upon arrival, I let Liv set up his booster while I threw our bags in the trunk. Climbing inside, Knox was sandwiched between us in the backseat, and a sense of peace settled over me. I was with the people I loved, in the place where I belonged. It couldn’t get better than this.

Rolling down the highway, we took a familiar exit, turning down suburban streets until we reached a gated community—the same community I’d visited countless times over the years, as it was where Jaxon lived with his family. Turning left instead of right after the entry gates, the car stopped before a large two-story house with a woman in a suit standing out front.

Liv peered out the window, then turned back to me, her brows furrowed. “Where are we?”

Grinning, I replied, “You’ll see.”

Hopping out of the car, I approached the waiting realtor. All paperwork had been done electronically over the past couple of weeks, but the house was officially ours. This was where we would build our life together as a real family. I couldn’t wait.

Extending a hand, the realtor smiled at me. “A pleasure to finally meet you in person, Mr. Mills.”

Shaking her hand, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. “You as well. Do you have the keys?”

Holding up a ring of keys that caught the sun’s light, nearly blinding me, she replied, “Welcome home.”

Damn, those words were good to hear.

I’d never had a real “home” until this moment. Everywhere else I’d lived to this point had been temporary. This place would house my forever.

Finally walking up behind me, Liv asked timidly, “What’s going on?”

Gesturing to where the realtor held the keys, I offered, “Would you like to do the honors?”

Eyeing me, she hedged, “What honors?”

Leaning in, I whispered in her ear, “We’re home.” Unable to contain my glee, I pulled back to witness her reaction.

Green eyes growing large, she stared up at the massive house. “Home?”

Knox’s mouth dropped open in awe. “Whoa. We live here?”

Tousling his hair with a smile, I was fairly sure I’d knocked it out of the park. “Pretty cool, huh?”

Nervously, Liv asked, “I thought you said you lived in an apartment?”

I shrugged. “Decided it was time for an upgrade. There are three of us now. Knox needs a backyard with space to play. Can’t do that in the city.”

Truth be told, I didn’t want my family anywhere near that fuckpad. This was my second chance, a new beginning, and if I could, I would erase my bachelor era from the history books.

When Liv didn’t move to grab the keys, I snatched them from the realtor. Thanking her in a clear dismissal, I unlocked the front door, pushing it wide open.

The view from where we stood didn’t disappoint, and even though I’d seen images online and done walk-throughs via video chat with the realtor, the pictures hadn’t done it justice. The foyer was two stories tall, a modern chandelier hanging high above the hardwood floors. The family room was visible, showcasing floor-to-ceiling windows that gave a glimpse of the pool deck outside.

Maybe I was wearing rose-tinted glasses, knowing this was where our family would create happy memories together, but this house was perfect. And we hadn’t even stepped inside.

Crossing the threshold with an excited Knox, I looked back to where Liv stood, mouth hanging open, still outside. Holding my hand out to her, I asked, “Coming?”

Swallowing, she took a hesitant first step through the door. Closing the gap between us, I took her hand in mine, tugging her further into the house.

“This house is so beautiful I feel underdressed being inside it.” Liv laughed nervously.

Scanning her from head to toe, I loved her casual jean-shorts-and-a-T-shirt look. Smirking, I replied, “You live here, babe. At some point, I expect to see you walking naked through these rooms.”

A blush crept up her neck. “Benji!” she whisper-hissed in warning. “Knox will hear you!”

Turning, I found us alone in the foyer. Pulling Liv into my arms, I softly kissed her lips. “He’ll get used to it.” I shrugged. “Or maybe he won’t. I wouldn’t know how that works with parents. Did you get used to it with yours?”

Liv’s nose wrinkled. “I’d prefer not to think about it. My parents kept their affection for each other behind closed doors.”

Sliding a hand to her full ass, I squeezed. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off you. Not sorry.”

Rolling her eyes, she looked skyward. “You’re hopeless.”

Nipping at her bottom lip, I replied, “I’m yours.”

That earned me a small smile, and she looked around the open foyer. To our right was a formal dining room with a table large enough to seat twelve. To our left was the living room, set with a chaise lounge and baby grand piano.

Eyebrows raised, Liv asked, “Do you play?”

“Nah.” I shook my head. “Had the place furnished from scratch. The designer suggested it, so I gave the green light. Maybe Knox can learn.”

She huffed, “I’m sure he’ll be good at that like everything else.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I teased.

“It’s not. But sometimes, it’s good for character building to have to work hard at something and persevere.”

“Good point.” I had much to learn about being a parent, but thankfully, Liv seemed to have it on lock.

Releasing her from my grasp, I slid my hand into hers. “Come on. Let’s go check out the rest of the place.”

“Better cancel the rest of my plans for the day. This could take a while.” I could hear the smile in her voice, and it gave me hope that, eventually, she’d settle into the life I could give her.

“Knox!” I bellowed, my words echoing off the high ceilings.

“In the kitchen!” he called back.

“Oh, you’re gonna love this.” I tugged Liv behind me as we walked through the house and into the kitchen.

Grinning, I turned to her when the space came into view. Knox was sitting on a stool along the marble island, legs swinging wildly.

“What do you think?” I asked Liv, dropping her hand to hold my arms out wide.

“It’s ginormous!” Knox replied.

Chuckling, I pulled him into a loose headlock. “I was asking Mom, knucklehead.”

Knox’s laughter filled the air.

Liv’s eyes scanned the kitchen. The island was the centerpiece of the room. It was three sides of a square, open on the fourth side to allow access to the stovetop in the middle. A gleaming stainless steel hood was affixed to the ceiling above. Done in warm tones of beige with black accents, it was inviting and homey.

When she didn’t say a word, I prompted, “What do you say we fly your family in for Christmas? You and your mom can bake cookies and make dinner right here.”

That seemed to pull her out of her trance, and her green eyes grew glassy. “You—you would do that?”

Leaving Knox’s side, I went to hers. “Of course. I know this is a lot of change, and I want you to be happy here.”

Blinking back the tears, she replied, “They probably can’t get away for Christmas. Kinda a big church holiday.”

Shrugging, I laughed. “That it is. So, we bring them in for Thanksgiving and go to Wardale for Christmas. I’m flexible.”

Liv raised an eyebrow. “Who are you? And what have you done with the Benji Mills who couldn’t beat it out of Wardale fast enough?”

“He’s learning that his family’s happiness comes first.” Tapping my chin, I mused, “I wonder where he picked that up from?”

She snuggled into my chest, letting out a watery laugh, and I held her close. I needed her to know that I was serious about our life together. She’d taken a huge leap, uprooting her life to be here with me, and I was bound and determined to make sure she never regretted it.

Releasing her slowly, I glanced over at Knox. “You ready to check out your room, superstar?”

Gray eyes sparkling, he jumped down from the stool. “Yeah!”

Giving him a cheeky grin, I teased, “I bet you can’t figure out which room upstairs belongs to you.”

Taking off running, Knox’s heavy footsteps as he bounded up the stairs echoed throughout the house. Liv looked up at me, and I almost stumbled backward, seeing how much love shone in the green depths of her eyes.

I had people who loved me now. The novelty of that fact would never get old. It was the most incredible feeling in the world.

“He adores you. You know that?” The smile on Liv’s face lit up the room.

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, I couldn’t help but smile back. “The feeling’s mutual.”

“Found it!” came a call from upstairs.

Chuckling, I moved toward the stairs but quickly realized Liv wasn’t with me. I looked back as she pretended to check a non-existent watch on her left wrist.

“What are you doing?”

Flashing me with that dazzling green gaze, she replied, “Checking the time.”

Curious as to what she was playing at, I leaned into it. “What? Got a hot date later?”

Giggling, she shook her head. “Wondering when you’re going to turn back into a pumpkin.”

“Never,” I vowed, stepping forward to take her hand.

Finding out about Knox had thrown me for a loop and upended the lives we’d thought we had figured out. I understood her hesitation, thinking this life was too good to be true. Most days, I was pinching myself, wondering if, at some point, I would wake up and find this all to have been a dream.

They gave me a fresh perspective. Even with the fame and fortune, I hadn’t realized how unfulfilled my life was until they walked into it.

“Are you coming?” Knox yelled from upstairs.

“That kid has zero chill,” I muttered, on the verge of laughing. “Doesn’t he know his parents are down here having a moment?”

“He’s used to being the center of attention.” Liv shrugged, her smile still firmly in place.

A wicked grin crept onto my face. “He’s going to learn quickly what a sock on the doorknob to Mom and Dad’s room means.”

Liv erupted in a fit of giggles. “Do people really do that?”

Nodding, I replied, “Absolutely, they do. When you have a roommate on the road, the last thing you want to do is catch your teammate in the act by accident.”

“Gross.” Liv visibly shuddered.

“Eh. You do what you’ve gotta do.”

Tugging her up the stairs, we found Knox in heaven in his hockey-themed bedroom. Stepping inside, I took time to show him all the little extra touches I’d requested the designer put in place before our arrival. A new set of mini-sticks and a net were along the far wall, signed hockey memorabilia was strategically placed throughout, and above his bed hung my Comets jersey framed with a picture of me hoisting the trophy above my head.

Staring at it now, I realized how empty that moment had been. Everyone had been on the ice with their families, sharing the thrill of victory, but I was out there alone. There hadn’t been one person in attendance who could claim me as their own. It hadn’t bothered me then—I was used to the loner lifestyle—but now I knew what I had been missing all along.

Next time—and there would be a next time—I couldn’t wait to skate around with Knox on my shoulders as we celebrated. To pull Liv into my arms and kiss her as adrenaline coursed through my veins, having reached the top of the mountain. If anything, it fueled my competitive drive. I wanted to make them proud.

Turning back, I found Liv had left the room. Telling Knox to play for a bit, I ventured through the top floor of the house, searching for her.

It didn’t take long. She was standing on the threshold of the master suite. Stepping up behind her, I looped my arms around her middle, pulling her into my chest.

I whispered in her ear, “I got you a cloud bed.”

Liv’s voice was so soft that I had to strain to hear it. “This is too much.”

Here we go again.

Instead of lashing out in anger, I decided to combat her with logic. “You haven’t even been inside yet.”

I gave her a tiny pat on the ass, and she finally stepped into the suite. Spinning in a circle, she surveyed the space. The California king bed stood proud in the center of the room. Walking around, she discovered the private sitting area with a gas fireplace, the dual walk-in closets already overflowing with clothing, and the massive master bath featuring a jacuzzi tub and rainfall shower, before opening the glass doors and stepping onto the balcony.

Liv remained quiet as she ventured outside, stopping only once she reached the railing, gripping it with both hands as she surveyed the backyard below.

From here, you could see the in-ground pool, wooden playset, and sprawling yard large enough to play a good game of touch football. I could already picture Beau and Knox out there having a blast.

Tall trees surrounded the edge of the property. You couldn’t see our neighbors, which had been the biggest selling point when choosing this house over others in the same community. Living my adult life in the spotlight by virtue of my career, privacy had become an illusion. Here, it was our reality.

Giving Liv the space she needed, I moved to the railing a few feet to her right. “What do you think?”

Sighing, she turned to me. “This is more than I ever expected. We would have been fine in an apartment.”

“I don’t want you to be ‘fine’,” I countered. “I want you to be great, comfortable, safe. When I’m on the road, I can sleep easy knowing you have top-of-the-line security.” Smirking at her, I added, “It’s selfish, really. You think all of this is for you, but really, it’s for me.” I winked, trying to lighten the mood.

A corner of Liv’s lips quirked up, and I knew I’d won the battle. “It’s a good thing I love you.”

Those three words were music to my ears, and I wanted to record them so I could hear them on repeat. I’d have to settle for keeping her happy so she would willingly say them for the rest of my life.

Closing the gap between us, I captured her lips in a kiss, pouring into it the promise of our future together in this beautiful home. This was only the beginning.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 22

Liv

Benji hadn’t been kidding about the cloud bed. Maybe it was due to the excitement of the day—moving to a new town and exploring our new home—but within moments of lying down, I was out like a light.

Even now, I found it hard to open my eyes, the pillowy softness demanding I never leave it. But featherlight kisses along my neck from behind had me stretching, only to find myself pressed against the solid wall of muscle known as Benji.

This was the first night we’d slept in the same bed since our getaway to New York. It had been comforting going to sleep, knowing I wouldn’t wake up alone. I’d accepted the loneliness over the years, but it never got easier. Then Benji had walked back into my life, snapped his fingers, and now here I was, living a life I never dared to dream of, with him by my side.

Boy, they weren’t kidding when they said if you told God your plans, he would laugh in your face. None of this had been part of my plan for my life, but I wasn’t sorry this was the turn it had taken.

Those warm, wet kisses moved over the curve of my shoulder, and I forced my eyes open a crack to find sunlight streaming in from the glass doors to the master suite’s balcony. Sighing, I sank into Benji’s embrace as his arm banded around my waist, pulling me tighter to him.

There was no mistaking what was poking me right in the ass, and I smiled. Arching my back, pressing my curves against his erection, I murmured, “Someone’s up early.”

Nuzzling my neck, Benji breathed out, “Shh. I don’t want to wake up from the best dream of my life.”

Biting my lip, I tried to stifle my laughter. He was a charmer, that was for sure. Teasing him, I replied, “The bar must be set pretty low if spooning takes up the top spot in your subconscious.”

Shifting his hand higher, he began plucking a nipple between his fingers over my sleep tank, and I moaned.

Benji’s voice was husky. “You should know better by now than to throw down a challenge like that.”

Snaking a hand behind me, I threaded fingers through his hair before turning my head and dragging his lips down to meet mine. Benji groaned into my open mouth as we shared a hot, messy kiss that had me writhing against him, needing more.

He tore his mouth from mine, panting. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

Hands skimming over my body, he tugged my shirt over my head before moving lower to remove my shorts and panties. Once I was fully naked, he pulled me back against his hard body, and I gasped at the skin-on-skin contact.

Growling in my ear as his fingertips trailed over my stomach in their trek south, he said, “This is how I want you in my bed from now on. Nothing between us. Understood?”

His touch was so close to my clit that my hips bucked, trying to make contact, but he remained just out of reach. A whimper sounded at the back of my throat.

“I asked a question. I expect an answer.” He spoke harshly, his breath hot against my skin.

“Touch me. Please,” I begged. When he didn’t, I whined, “Why are you being so bossy?” I thrashed on the bed, needing relief from the inferno he’d created within me. Benji alone held the power to stoke the flames higher and higher until I combusted in a blaze of bliss. I wanted to burn with him.

He gripped my hip painfully and roughly declared, “Because you’re mine. I will give you everything you’ve ever wanted, take you to heaven and back, so long as you obey. Inside this room, I make the rules.”

Well, that’s new. And why is it making me even wetter? I should be outraged at this caveman routine. Right?

My body begged me to shut up and give him what he wanted, but my brain wasn’t so easily swayed. When Benji’s hand moved back between my thighs, they fell open for him. My body said “fuck it,” overruling my brain, and the words slipped past my lips, “Your rules.”

I was instantly rewarded by Benji’s fingers delving between my open thighs, where he found me dripping wet.

A groan vibrated against the skin of my shoulder where Benji had dropped his head. “Fuck, Liv. You like it when I take charge, don’t you?”

“Yes.” I hissed when he rubbed a tight circle over my clit before sinking lower and pushing two fingers inside me. “More, please,” I breathed out, desperate and needy.

Nipping at my skin with his teeth, he teased, “More like this?” Pumping his fingers a few times, he curled them, rubbing my inner walls.

Gasping, the flash of pleasure that tore through me was so intense it had me straining against his hand as I rode it shamelessly, chasing my release.

“Not so fast,” Benji chided, pulling his hand away.

“No,” I whimpered.

Bringing his hands to my lips, he commanded, “Taste yourself.”

Eyes widening in shock, I stared at his fingers, shiny with my arousal. He wanted me to do what?

Stammering, I protested, “I-I don’t think—”

Benji’s voice boomed in my ear. “Did you or did you not just agree to obey me inside this room?”

Fuck. I had done that. But I wanted it noted that I’d agreed under duress—well, under sexual frustration, but who’s counting? Stupid body writing checks my brain wouldn’t want to cash.

Nervously, I peered back at him. Jaw clenched, he looked almost angry. Only the liquid silver of his eyes, nearly obscured by his pupils blown wide in lust, gave away that he was turned on as hell. He really wanted me to taste myself? What did he get out of it?

Turning back to the hand he held waiting before me, I gripped his wrist, pulling it toward my mouth. Closing my eyes, I parted my lips to allow him entry. Slick fingers passed over my tongue, and I jolted in surprise. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but it hadn’t been this. A sweet tanginess danced across my taste buds as my lips closed around his digits, sucking them clean.

Swirling my tongue, I wondered what it would be like to have his cock inside my mouth instead of his fingers. That was something we had never done before, and I feared I wouldn’t be very good at it if he commanded that I perform oral sex. Add another strike against me in the inexperience column.

Regardless, I was determined to make up for my lack of experience with enthusiasm. I wanted to please him. Hopefully, that would be enough to compensate.

Groaning, Benji thrust his hips against me from behind, his cock pulsing where it was nestled between my cheeks. Parting my thighs, I allowed it to slip between them, the head coming to rest where it nudged against my clit if I rocked ever so slightly. Moaning around his fingers, I threw my head back, moving my hips, chasing the pleasure where our bodies touched.

“Enough,” Benji growled in my ear, pulling his fingers from my mouth, resulting in a wet popping sound.

Licking my lips, I could still taste myself there. What did it say about me that I enjoyed it? It was delightfully dirty, and I wondered what Benji tasted like.

“Kiss me. Don’t be a greedy girl taking all of your sweetness for yourself.”

Was this what life in Benji’s bed would be like? Him shocking me at every turn? Would I ever get used to the filthy things he said when we were alone?

Obeying instantly, I turned my head, and the resulting kiss was so punishing I knew my lips would be bruised later. Tongue sliding deeply into my mouth, Benji searched for every last trace of my essence I had left to offer. Battling back was useless as he dominated the kiss, taking what he wanted. He left no doubt that he was in charge.

By the time he pulled back, I was breathless and panting, the throbbing at my core pulsing in time with my rapidly beating heart.

Smacking his lips together, Benji declared in a gravelly voice, “Fucking delicious.”

Heat pooled low in my belly. I needed him. Now.

Sensing I was reaching the peak of frustration, Benji pulled my top leg over his thigh, spreading me open. Shifting his hips behind me, I felt the tip of him notch against my entrance. Bucking mine in response, I tried to take him inside, but he held back.

“Patience. We do this my way or not at all.”

Huffing in protest, my hips moved of their own volition. I was about to tell him where he could shove “his way” and ease the ache with my own hand, when he chuckled.

“In time, this will get easier. You’ll learn to trust that I know what you need better than anyone else—even yourself.”

“Doubtful,” I scoffed, sounding like a petulant child.

“Tell me, then, pretty girl. Did you enjoy tasting yourself?” he asked.

The cockiness in his voice had me gritting my teeth. He might have been right about that, but there was no certainty he would always be. Blind obedience could come back to bite me.

My silence spoke louder than words, and Benji had his answer. “That’s what I thought. Now, let me show you how this body deserves to be loved this morning.”

Sighing, I gave in, accepting that he was in control—at least, in here. I pushed the idea that he was bullying me due to inexperience to the back of my mind when his hand sought out mine, our fingers intertwining. Benji gave a gentle squeeze before I felt him nudging once more against where I desperately needed him.

Forcing every muscle to remain still, I allowed Benji to slide the tip inside barely an inch. Unable to hold back a moan, I prayed that would spur him on.

No such luck.

He moved the head of his cock in and out, driving me insane. Why wouldn’t he just thrust inside? Why wouldn’t he put me out of my misery?

“Because it’s not about misery. It’s about heightening the anticipation, amplifying the pleasure.” Benji’s lips brushed my ear as he spoke, and I realized I’d asked those questions aloud.

My face flamed, but any trace of embarrassment fled my body as Benji shifted behind me, thrusting his hips enough to sink all the way inside.

Finally.

Any relief I felt at our connection was wiped out when he rolled his hips, hitting that sweet spot I hadn’t known existed until he’d shown me. Throwing my head back, I groaned, needing more. Lazy and slow, Benji took me from behind, allowing our passion to build slowly, like stoking a fire back from the embers.

Since I wasn’t allowed to rush him, I did the only thing left within my power. I clenched my inner muscles, smirking when I heard a sharp hiss in my ear.

“I should have known you wouldn’t go down without a fight,” Benji growled. “But it fucking fires me up to know you are only feisty for me. No one knows you like I do, and they never will.”

Taking our joined hands, he brought them to where my thighs were propped open. My hand was beneath his, so my palm was the one that encountered the moisture gathered there. My dirty mind was already thinking that I could lick my hands clean when this was over.

Expecting him to demand I pleasure myself, my eyes widened when our hands bypassed my clit, moving further down to touch where our bodies were connected. The first brush against his shaft had me jolting back, trying to withdraw my hand.

Benji growled, tightening his grip.

Protesting, I rushed out, “It’s—it’s too much.”

Not backing down, Benji’s gentle thrusts never ceased as he asked, “Am I hurting you?”

“Well . . . No.”

“Do you feel forced in any way?”

Shocked that he would even ask that question, I nearly shouted, “Of course not!”

“Then trust me,” he said softly.

Coming from anyone else, those words might have been deemed a request, but even with his voice lowered, the command was clear. He demanded my trust. And God help me, I wanted to give it to him.

Taking a deep breath, I relaxed the tensed muscles of my arm, a silent signal to Benji that he could place my hand wherever he wanted.

Kissing my neck in a show of gratitude for surrendering to his care, he brought my hand back to where it had been before. Deft fingers split mine, forming a V before bringing them to rest in a position to bracket his cock as it pulsed into me.

A full-body shudder racked my body at the tactile sensation my fingers encountered. His cock was slick with my arousal as it moved in and out at a steady pace. It was filthy feeling our connection, but I didn’t hate it, as evidenced by the rush of heat soaking my hand.

“Do you feel that?” Benji’s husky voice whispered in my ear. “The way your flesh yields, stretching to accommodate me with every thrust?”

My breathing hitched. It was borderline obscene the way my body accepted his so greedily beneath my fingertips.

“It’s because your body was made for mine. A fucking perfect fit.”

A moan clawed up my chest. The verbal aspect of sex with Benji was just as arousing as the physical. He made me feel sexy, desirable, and, above all, owned. On some level, he’d always owned me. I hadn’t been able to give myself to another man when Benji had held me captive, body and soul, since I was sixteen.

Confident I would keep my hand where he’d placed it, his palm skated up to rest against my stomach. He spread his fingers wide, and his breath kissed my ear. “Someday, I’m going to put another baby in you.” I gasped, but he continued, “This time, I’m going to watch your belly swell beautifully with our child.”

How did he do it? Drive me insane and shock me in the same breath?

I had closed my mind to the possibility of more children beyond Knox. Granted, at the time, that had been because I was voluntarily single, still pining for his father, even though I was sure he wasn’t coming back.

Now, that same man held me in his arms, our bodies as close as any two could be, and he was painting a picture of our future—a future I’d never thought possible.

Holding me tight, he picked up the pace, slamming into me from behind. Not waiting for permission, I shifted my hand, rubbing tight circles over my clit as I balanced on the razor’s edge of release. Pushing my ass back to meet each thrust, working myself at a feverish rate, warmth crept over every inch of my skin.

Keening against Benji, an unfiltered scream escaped from my lips as pleasure tore through me like a freight train, stealing the breath from my lungs and forcing my eyes to slam shut to find stars behind them.

My explosive orgasm tipped Benji over the edge, and he clamped down on the soft skin of my shoulder to muffle the sounds of his own climax. The pain, mixed with the pleasure, crashed over me in waves as my hips rocked, trying to prolong the intense sensations.

Stilling behind me, having emptied himself, Benji licked the bite mark he’d left before kissing it softly. “Now everyone will know that you’re mine.”

Turning my head in surprise, I found his silver eyes staring at me in a daze. Raising an eyebrow, I asked, “Marking your territory?”

A smirk crept onto his handsome face. “I’m going to be beating my single teammates away from you with a stick. This way, they’ll take one look at you and know you’re off-limits.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, sure.” Landing one hockey player had been an absolute fluke. He was just being nice, saying that others would want me to.

Ignoring my subtle self-deprecation, he asked, “It felt good to surrender, didn’t it?”

Unable to meet his eye, I twisted my neck and faced forward again, staring straight ahead at the wall. “Yes,” I whispered.

As he stroked my hair, I could hear the smile in his voice. “No need to feel ashamed. I’ll never leave you wanting.”

Sighing heavily, I marveled at what had happened to my sense of female empowerment. What did it say about me that I had willingly become a slave to a man in the bedroom? Did I have no self-respect? And why did it feel so damn amazing? That was the most difficult part to reconcile.

“You should go back to sleep,” he murmured behind me. “Before our favorite little alarm clock wakes up.”

Benji didn’t move from behind me, his softened dick still resting inside me as his breathing deepened, indicating he had taken his own advice. The intimacy of remaining connected was overwhelming. Was this his way of showing that the trust went both ways?

He might be asleep, but my mind was racing.

Benji continued to surprise me when it came to our physical relationship. Our rekindling in New York had been a stark contrast to our first few awkward couplings, but that was to be expected. We’d both grown up, and at least he had gained some experience.

But even that had been different from this time. Before, he’d asked what I wanted, allowing me to take the lead. Maybe he had been easing me in, afraid to scare me after I’d spent nearly a decade celibate. But now that I thought about it, even then, he’d been pushing me outside my comfort zone. It had been difficult for me to vocalize what I wanted, and I had been timid until his words or reassurance set me at ease.

Now, he was confident, claiming to know my needs better than I did. Beyond that, he was assertive, authoritative almost, placing demands and expecting obedience. I would have never thought it possible, but I found I liked the way he took charge. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time, giving up control and surrendering your care to another human being.

Life with Benji was shaping up to be unpredictable and wild. I guess it was time to buckle up for the ride.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 23

Liv

Knee bouncing, I sat in the passenger seat of Benji’s luxury SUV as we drove to the Connecticut Comets’ pre-season picnic. Benji explained that this was an annual event for the entire organization to relax and mingle before launching headfirst into the season.

“Let’s go over the names again,” I said, staring straight out the window.

This morning, I’d spent over an hour trying to memorize every name on the Comets roster. The only way I would survive the day was if I came prepared.

Benji reached a hand over, placing it atop my bare thigh where my skirt had ridden up. Applying gentle pressure, the weight quelled the bouncing, but I began picking at my cuticles without an outlet for my nervous energy. Removing his hand from my leg, he grasped my fidgeting one, resting our clasped hands on the center console. All that did was allow my knee to resume its animated cadence.

“You don’t need to know the names of everyone on the team. The only ones that matter are Jaxon and Cal. They’re my closest friends and teammates. We’re practically family at this point,” he explained.

“But—”

“Relax, they’re going to love you,” Benji declared confidently.

Turning my gaze to where he was casually poised in the driver’s seat, one hand moving the steering wheel easily, I wanted to believe him. This was so much easier for him. He knew everyone. They were his people. I was walking into an unknown situation where I was the outsider. Who knows what they might think of me?

Dressed in khaki shorts and sleeves rolled up on a light blue button-down, he looked the part of the suburban dad who moonlighted as a hockey player—those muscles didn’t lie. This morning, when I was stressed out trying to decide what to wear, he’d walked into my new closet and picked out clothes he had apparently had a personal shopper purchase for me before our arrival. Laying a floral skirt and sleeveless blouse on the bed, he’d left me to dress before fixing Knox breakfast.

The closer we drew to our destination, the more anxious I became. What if I didn’t belong in this world? What if Benji grew bored of me when the temptations of his easy, kid-free life came calling? More than anything, I wished we could return to our little Wardale bubble—where it was just us, before anyone knew about our relationship. I knew it was unrealistic, even if he had offered to give it all up for us. This was where his life was, where his passion lay. I didn’t care if I was a square peg and this life was a round hole—I would find a way to make myself fit. Having him in my life—in Knox’s life—was worth it.

Peeking into the backseat, where Knox was buckled into his booster seat, I asked Benji, “Do Jaxon and Cal know about . . .”

Following my line of sight, he glanced back at our son with a smile. “No. I respected your wishes, not telling anyone. Only my agent, publicist, and the family lawyer I contacted know. And that was only out of necessity.”

While it was comforting to know he’d kept our life private, it didn’t quell the churning in my gut knowing Knox’s and my presence would be essentially an ambush on his closest friends. I might have suggested a more intimate meet-and-greet if we hadn’t arrived only yesterday. But it was too late now. It was judgment day.

Benji turned the car onto a private driveway with a massive stone sign reading Hartford Hills Country Club.

My mouth dropped open, and I turned to the man beside me. “You said this was a picnic!”

Sparing me a glance, he continued to steer as we passed sprawling greens toward what looked like a mansion at the end of the drive. “It is. Some people have called it a barbeque, but it’s all the same to me.”

“This is a country club,” I hissed.

“So what?” He shrugged.

Was he really this dense? “Picnics are at someone’s house, in a backyard, or even at a park. This”—I gestured with my hand wildly—“is much more than a picnic.”

“Liv, we couldn’t fit everyone inside someone’s house. The Comets employ almost one hundred and fifty people between the players, staff, and dedicated broadcasting personnel. That’s before taking into account significant others and children. If I had to guess, there are usually three to four hundred people at these things. Hosting the event at a place that can accommodate them all just makes sense.”

My eyes bulged in horror. “Four hundred people?” I cringed, hearing how high and squeaky my voice had become.

Chest tightening, I could only manage shallow, rapid breaths. Black spots began to dance in my vision. The car was closing in on me. I clawed at the door handle, trying to escape, not caring that we were still moving.

“Liv.” Benji’s voice was barely audible over the blood roaring in my ears.

“LIV!” This time, his sharp tone cut through my haze of panic, and I whipped my head to look at him.

Glancing at me as he pulled the car to a stop where a valet waited to take over, he held up a finger to the man outside. Turning in his seat, the hand freed from steering reached over to splay across my chest.

“Focus on your breathing.” I shook my head in protest, but he didn’t back down. “Unless you’d like to pass out and have the entire organization’s first impression of you be lying unconscious while being carted away in the back of an ambulance, I suggest you take a moment and take a few deep breaths.”

His words finally got through to me. The last thing I needed was to cause a scene. Nodding, I attempted a deep breath, but it was difficult with the feeling of a two-ton elephant sitting on my chest.

Squeezing my hand, Benji coached me with slow breathing of his own. “In and out. In and out.” Matching him breath for breath, the vise grip around my chest loosened. “That’s my girl. Do a few more for me.”

“Mom? Are you okay?” Knox’s scared voice from the backseat had me feeling foolish for being on the verge of a panic attack over a picnic.

Peering back at him, I gave him a weak smile. “All better, squirt.”

Benji assessed me with those steel gray eyes. “Are you ready?”

Wryly, I replied, “No. But I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

Leaning forward, he captured my lips in a quick kiss. “You have nothing to worry about. Trust me.”

Benji had demanded my trust just this morning as we lay in bed, our bodies joined. He hadn’t let me down then, and I had to believe that he wouldn’t now. These people might be strangers to me, but he knew them. He’d considered them family long before we came into the picture. Whatever happened, I knew he would have my back.

Not saying another word, I exited the car, opening the door to the backseat and allowing Knox to bounce out. Benji handed his keys to the valet and accepted a ticket in return. Rounding the front of the SUV, he laced his fingers with mine, prompting Knox to walk ahead of us toward the massive canopies set up on the lawn behind what was apparently the clubhouse of the country club.

The sounds of children squealing in delight set me slightly at ease. Hopefully, these kids would be kind to Knox, and he would make new friends before the day was over. He’d had such a vibrant social life back in Wardale—I didn’t want him to feel lonely in a new place.

There were people everywhere. Benji must have underestimated the head count because, at first glance, it seemed like more people were in attendance than the entire population of Wardale.

My anxiety ratcheted up again. I was the outsider here.

Benji guided us toward a massive open-air tented canopy, where four people—two men and two women—were watching us. I wasn’t imagining it—their eyes tracked our movements, and they leaned into each other, speaking in hushed tones. I could see that from even this far away. The rumors about Benji’s mystery woman and the kid would already be swirling.

My palm grew slick against Benji’s as nausea churned in my gut.

Puking all over this perfectly manicured lawn is not the first impression you want. Keep it together.

Eyes never leaving the group watching our approach, I asked quietly, “What if they think I trapped you?”

Benji tightened his hold on my hand. “They won’t. For starters, Jaxon has no room to talk in that department. And Cal? Well, last spring, he got caught dating our head coach’s daughter when she was expressly off-limits. Our situation is tame compared to theirs. I promise.”

Before I could ask if being on a hockey team was akin to being on a soap opera, a shriek of “Knox!” caught my attention. I was searching for the source—wondering who could possibly know my son when, only minutes ago, Benji had said he hadn’t told anyone on the team about him—when a dark-haired boy barreled into Knox with enough force to knock them both to the ground at our feet.

Knox pulled back enough that recognition lit up in his gray eyes, and he hugged the other boy tighter. “Beau! I thought I’d never see you again!”

Benji chuckled at the sight, smiling at the two boys fondly.

I couldn’t deny they were cute together. “Friend of yours?”

“Something like that. Beau is Jaxon’s son. He and Knox hit it off at the clinic I ran.”

Beau. That’s right. The memory of Knox speaking of his new friend who lived in Minnesota came to mind. Now, it made sense. That must be where Jaxon spent the offseason with his family.

Giggling, the pair looked up at us. Both boys were grinning from ear to ear.

Beau clambered to his feet, throwing his arms around Benji’s waist. “Uncle Benji, you’re the best!”

Benji’s hearty laughter filled the air as he released my hand to embrace Beau fully. I couldn’t help but smile at the way he tenderly looked down at the boy. When I watched him with Knox, he melted my heart, but seeing his affection for his best friend’s son spoke to the kind of man he was—the one only those closest to him were privy to.

If only the cameras were around to capture these moments. The world knew him as a playboy, painting him as cocky and promiscuous. I wanted them to see him as he was in private. The supportive father, the loyal friend, the man willing to give up fame and fortune for his family. But perhaps it was better this way. The separation of his public and private life made what we shared even more special. This side of him was just for us—our little secret.

Extracting himself from Beau’s arms, he retook my hand. “All right, Beau. Let’s say hi to your folks, then you two can run off and play.”

“Yes!” Beau cried. Turning to Knox, he said, “They have a shooting pad set up with a radar gun.”

Knox’s eyes grew wide. “So cool,” he breathed.

Nudging them to walk ahead, we trudged closer to the group gathered, waiting for us. My grip on Benji’s hand must have grown painful because he let out a tiny grunt, uttering, “I’m gonna need use of my hands come Monday.”

“Sorry,” I murmured but couldn’t seem to loosen my hold.

The mix of expressions as we stopped before Benji’s friends ranged from shock to disbelief to curiosity. Being judged over the surprise of Knox was not new to me. Back home, I’d brushed it off, not caring much what others thought. They didn’t have to live my life, so they could shove off if they didn’t like it. But now, I couldn’t handle it. I wanted these people to like me. They were important to Benji, and it would gut me to drive a wedge between them.

Averting my gaze, I stared at the ground as Benji said with a smile in his voice, “What? Did you guys think you were the only ones with secrets around here?” His words were met with silence, so he continued, “Everyone, this is Liv.”

I glanced up to face the firing squad. For the first time, I looked at those before us. On the right were two men. A decently tall man with jet-black hair, who I assumed must be Beau’s father, and a blond mountain of a man, so tall I had to crane my neck to peer up at him. Beside him were two women. A pregnant blonde who gave me a kind smile and a brunette about my height with brilliant blue eyes, mouth hanging open, unable to contain her surprise.

They all looked like models dressed in what could only be described as “country club chic”—the women casual but classy in sundresses and the men in clean-cut khakis and button-downs. Was being ridiculously good-looking a prerequisite for attaching yourself to the world of professional athletes? Judging from these four, it very well might be.

Placing his free hand on Knox’s shoulder, Benji announced, “And this is Knox. Our son.”

Completely unaware of the bomb that had just been dropped, Beau called out, “Okay, we said hi. Let’s go, Knox!” And with that, they were gone, running across the lawn.

The dark-haired man chuckled. “Kids.”

Extracting his hand from my death grip, Benji looped that arm around my waist, pulling me into his side as he introduced his friends. He pointed to the dark-haired man. “Liv, I want you to meet Jaxon, our captain.” Next came the blond giant. “This is Cal.” Then, the pregnant lady. “And Natalie.” Pausing, he eyed up the brunette, and I turned to find him smirking. “Last but certainly not least, is Hannah. Good to see you back in action.”

Hannah rolled her blue eyes at him. “Well, if you hadn’t dropped off the face of the Earth, you’d have known I flew out to the-middle-of-nowhere Canada to knock some sense into the big lug.”

Chuckling, Benji replied, “I’d have expected nothing less. In fact, Jaxon owes me money. He didn’t have the same faith in you two crazy kids making your way back together.”

Jaxon grumbled, reaching into his wallet and handing a crisp one-hundred-dollar bill to a smug Benji.

Natalie reached out a hand to me. “Why don’t you join us ladies for a bit, Liv? That way, these three can rekindle their bromance. This might be the longest they’ve spent apart in years.”

I glanced nervously at Benji beside me, but he smiled. “Go. Make new friends. You’re in good hands, and I’m right here if you need me.”

Biting my lip, I was still unsure. He reached up a hand to cup my cheek, using his thumb to remove my lower lip from where my teeth dug into it. Leaning in, he kissed me and then sent me off with a pat on my ass. Embarrassed at the public show of affection, heat crept up my cheeks, but no one seemed to mind Benji’s actions.

Natalie’s warm hand took mine, and I cringed, knowing she would feel how sweaty and nervous I was. She pulled me further into the tent to a small seating area. Another couple was waiting inside. A petite raven-haired woman stood beside a man with chestnut brown hair and a bit more beard growth than Benji’s signature stubble. The man held a baby with apple cheeks I wanted to pinch in his arms.

Gesturing to the couple, Natalie introduced them. “This is Lucy, my sister-in-law, and her husband, Preston. Guys, this is Liv. Benji’s girl.” Then she stumbled over herself to backtrack. “Oh! I’m sorry if I’m being presumptuous. I just assumed . . .”

Setting her mind at ease, I replied, “It’s new.”

Hannah laughed out loud. “Can’t be that new. You have a kid with the guy.”

Blushing, I dropped my gaze to my feet, bracing to be weighed and measured by Benji’s friends.

“Hannah! Be nice!” Natalie’s tone was sharp, and my head snapped back up. Smiling sympathetically, she said to me, “You’ll have to forgive her. Sometimes, she lacks a filter between her brain and her mouth.” She shot Hannah a sideways glance.

Lucy giggled, covering her mouth. “Sometimes?”

Unfazed, Hannah winked at me. “They say that like it’s a bad thing. I bring the spice to this group. They’d be boring without me.” Peeking around me at the guys gathered at the opposite end of the tent, she said, “We’ve gone a couple of months without any drama, so you showed up at the right time.”

“Are we glossing over the fact that it was your drama the last time?” Natalie challenged.

I stared at them. They were borderline bickering, but it was done without any malice or ill intent. I’d never seen anything like it. Granted, I didn’t have many female friends outside of work, and the women I knew back home were professionals at throwing well-aimed barbs with their words, meant to destroy. I had been the favorite target on their dart board.

“Already forgotten.” Hannah waved a dismissive hand. “It’s Liv’s turn now. And I want to know all about how Benji became her baby daddy, but their relationship is new.”

Blinking at her, it took me a moment to regain my bearings. “We used to date. Before he went off to play juniors.”

Natalie’s eyes went wide at what I implied. “He just . . . left you there?”

Exhaling deeply, I confessed, “He didn’t know.”

A hush fell over the group. Would they think I was a heartless wench like Benji had when he first found out I’d kept his son from him? I couldn’t blame them if they did. The more I saw of Benji and Knox together, the more I doubted I had done the right thing.

Preston was the first to speak, handing off the baby to Lucy. “I’m with the wrong group.” Kissing his wife on the cheek, he winked. “Although I have been told the women always come out on top.”

Looking skyward momentarily, Lucy said, “Don’t pay him any attention. Not sure we need teams.” She paused before asking, “Or do we? If so, you’ve come to the right people.”

“Teams?” My brows rose to my forehead. I had no idea what they were talking about.

Bouncing the baby, she replied, “Doesn’t sound like you do.”

Out of my depth and needing to grab onto something familiar, I stared adoringly at her infant daughter, remarking, “Your baby is beautiful.”

She beamed down at the baby girl held tight to her chest. “Thank you.” Peeking back at me, she asked, “Would you like to hold her?”

Taken aback, I stammered, “Oh, I don’t think—” My hands were held out in front of me in protest, but Lucy must have mistaken the move for reaching to hold the baby because a soft, cuddly body was thrust into my arms.

I couldn’t even be mad. Cradling the sweet baby girl, the scent of baby powder was comforting. She was larger than the newborns I handled at work. If I had to guess, I would put her at about three to four months. She had adorable little thigh rolls peeking from beneath her floral dress.

Rocking from side to side, I asked her mother, “What’s her name?”

Blue eyes bright, she answered, “Hazy.”

“Hazy?” I’d heard hundreds of baby names over the years, but this was a first.

Lucy shrugged. “Well, her name is Hazel, but we kind of have a thing for nicknames in our family.”

I smiled down at the baby, who had her mother’s coloring. “It suits her.”

On familiar ground, I was set slightly at ease. Keeping to what I knew, I asked Natalie, “Is this your first?” I tilted my head toward her rounded belly.

Placing a hand on her bump, Natalie laughed. “Oh, goodness, no. This one is baby number five.”

“Five?” I gawked at the woman.

She sighed. “You’ll learn it’s something of a running joke in our group. Haven’t met a form of birth control yet that I haven’t proven the failure rate on. My soon-to-be middle child, Beau, was the one who tackled your son. He just turned seven. Our youngest daughter, Charlie, is three and off somewhere with my two oldest, probably conning them into letting her have so much ice cream she throws up on the ride home. Amelia is thirteen, and Jameson is twelve. They’re Irish twins.”

“You have a teenager?” My voice rose in shock.

Jeez, I needed to chill. But I couldn’t help it. She looked too young to have kids that old, as did her husband. Having put my foot in my mouth, I mumbled, “Sorry. I am being so rude. Please tell me to shut up at any time.”

Natalie simply smiled. “We’re getting to know each other. You’re not being rude.” I sighed in relief, and she explained, “My older children are from my first marriage. I was fresh out of high school when I got married and was pregnant with Amelia shortly after. Jameson was born six weeks after I turned twenty, or else I would’ve been a teen mom twice over.”

Huh. I had more in common with Benji’s friends than I’d initially thought.

Feeling more comfortable than I had when I first arrived, I offered, “I had Knox at seventeen.”

Lucy looked between us. “You two are better than me. I struggle with having a baby at thirty, and I have help so I can keep working.”

Never regretting having Knox a day in my life, I replied, “It wasn’t always easy, but he is more than worth it.”

The four of us descended into silence, and I needed to break it. I was awkward like that.

Addressing Natalie again, I asked, “How far along are you?” Before she could open her mouth, I clarified, “I’m not weird, I promise. I’m an L&D nurse. Or, at least, I was before moving here. I’ll be on the job hunt soon enough. Just need to get settled first.”

Eyes lighting up, Natalie exclaimed, “No kidding! That’s such a cool job. You know, I have to go down to Hartford General next week for a scan. I’ll ask around and see if they have any openings.”

“Really?” We’d just met, and this woman had zero hesitation in wanting to help me. Maybe Benji was right. I would find my place here. These ladies were nicer than I’d expected.

“Of course.” She waved a dismissive hand. “That’s what friends do.”

Hannah visibly shuddered. “Sorry. But your job is literally what my nightmares are made of.”

Natalie shot her a glare before offering me a smile. “Don’t mind her. Hannah’s not exactly a ‘kid person’.”

Rolling her eyes, Hannah defended herself. “I like kids just fine. I just don’t want them for myself.” Her nose wrinkled before continuing, “The stretching and tearing? The bodily fluids? Hard pass.”

Lucy teased her, “Pretty sure you’re all stretched out by Cal’s monster cock. A baby would probably fall right out of you.”

My mouth dropped open as Natalie hissed, “Lucy!” She placed a hand on my arm and rushed out, “I’m so sorry about them. I promise we aren’t always so inappropriate.”

Lucy leaned toward Hannah before stage-whispering, “That’s because we wait to be naughty until she isn’t around.”

They might have shocked me initially, but that was beginning to wear off. I had no idea there were women out there who felt close enough to not only tease each other good-naturedly but to do so on topics that most deemed extremely private. I had a feeling I would learn a lot here in Hartford.

Ignoring her sister-in-law, Natalie said, “We got a little sidetracked, but to answer your question, I’m thirty-five weeks, and Amy’s thirty-seven.”

Taking inventory of the group, I noticed that no one else was visibly pregnant, so I dared to ask, “Who’s Amy?”

Natalie opened her mouth, but before any words came out, a voice from behind shouted, “What’s this about Benji having a kid? I said not to discuss anything important without me!”

Spinning around, I was met with the sight of a tall, redheaded woman who was heavily pregnant waddling toward us. And by heavily pregnant, I meant her belly threatened to overtake her. She either was carrying a ton of extra fluid, or that baby was going to be huge. The poor thing looked miserable. The heat of the day couldn’t have been easy on her, either. A heat wave in September was the last thing you wanted when you were that close to delivery.

When the woman reached our group, Lucy ran to get her a chair. “Sit down, Ames.”

“Liv, if you haven’t guessed, this is Amy,” Natalie said as the redhead lowered herself onto the offered seat with a groan. Natalie placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder. “Ames, Benji brought us a new friend.”

Friend. That was at least the second time she’d used that word. These women had met me only a few minutes ago but were already claiming me, trusting me to hold their babies and not throwing a single ounce of judgment my way. What kind of alternate universe had I stepped into?

Amy sighed, turning in her chair with an apology written all over her face. “Oh shit. I’m sorry. My brain is fried and can’t think much past the pain pulling at me from every angle.”

I offered her a shy smile. “Have you tried taping your belly with kinetic tape? It’s supposed to do wonders in terms of relief.”

Green eyes gazing up at me, she whispered, “Who sent this angel?”

Natalie tried to hold back a laugh. “Liv works in L&D.” To me, she added, “Amy’s been having a rough go of it. This is her first.”

“Might be my last,” Amy huffed. “At this point, I might sneak out of the house when I go into labor. I don’t think Liam will be able to handle it.”

Glancing at the men, I noticed another had joined them. He was broader than the rest, falling between Cal and Jaxon height-wise, with black hair that looked like it had been run through by his hands a few times recently. He wore a weary expression and looked dead on his feet.

“Let me guess,” I ventured. “Your guy is the one with the gigantic shoulders who looks like he’s about to fall asleep standing up. Type A personality, am I right?”

A rush of air flew past Amy’s lips. “How did you know?”

She held out her hands for the baby in my arms, and I willingly relinquished Hazy with a smile. “I can spot a control-freak expectant father a mile away.”

Trying to find a way to hold Hazy with her belly in the way, Amy sighed. “If I’m not sleeping, neither is he. It’s a damn shame. I could use a few hours of peace. He’s driving me up the wall.”

I hummed. “That lack of sleep is going to hurt him on the ice.”

Amy snorted. “Oh, he doesn’t play hockey. But at this rate, I’d have him try out just to get him out of the house.”

Interesting. I wondered how she fit into this group then.

Not wanting to pry more than I already had, I kept on topic. “I’ve seen a lot over the years, but I can tell you an overbearing partner is better than none at all. He might drive you crazy, but that’s because he cares so much about you. You’ll come out on the other side of it just fine.”

Amy glanced at Natalie. “I like her. Can we keep her?”

Natalie laughed. “I don’t think that’s up to us. It’s up to Benji and whether he’s willing to share.” The mention of Benji’s name must have sparked something in her mind because her eyes popped open wide, and she exclaimed, “Oh!”

Jumping back in surprise, I threw a hand to my chest to calm my heart rate.

Blushing, Natalie said, “Sorry. I just realized there won’t be a necklace for you tomorrow night. Ugh.”

“Tomorrow night?” I asked, confused.

Tilting her head, she replied, “The ring ceremony. You are you going, right?”

I could only imagine the blank stare on my face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Each member of the team and staff gets a ring to commemorate winning a championship. Tomorrow night, there’s an event to reveal them. Normally, each partner gets a necklace to match the face of the ring. They’re all custom-made, so there won’t be time to have one ready for you before then,” she grumbled. “If Benji had come clean sooner, I could have put in a late order with this one’s”—Natalie threw a thumb over her shoulder at Hannah—“when she got back together with Cal.”

“Hey!” Hannah called out in protest. “I’ll take the extra icing, but let’s not forget I’m also getting a ring.” She held up two fingers. “Technically, I should be getting two. But I’ve been told holding two internal positions does not equate to multiple rings. Rules. Who needs ’em?”

I struggled to hold back a laugh. Hannah was outrageous, but you could tell she knew she was over the top. She embraced her role, and it suited her.

Natalie didn’t spare her a glance. “Anyway. My apologies. I’ll make sure one is ordered for you as soon as possible. But I feel bad you’ll be sitting there empty-handed.”

Even if they made me feel welcome, I knew very little about their world. “Um. Benji hasn’t mentioned it. I’m not sure we’re going. Or at least, I don’t know if I am. We don’t have anyone to watch Knox. Unless this is a family event.”

“Bring him to our house. Lucy and Preston will be watching our brood. What’s one more? I’m sure Beau would love to have Knox over to play. He’s in an awkward spot of not being old enough to relate to his older siblings but too old for his little sister. It’ll be nice for him to have someone his age around.” Turning to her sister-in-law, she asked, “You don’t mind, do you, Lucy?”

Lucy shook her head emphatically. “Of course not. The more, the merrier.”

Gawking at the women, I stammered, “Oh. I couldn’t possibly—”

“It’s settled,” Natalie cut me off. “You’re a part of the Comets family, and we take care of our own.”

Was it really that simple to these people? By virtue of being with Benji, I was automatically one of them? They made me want to belong. And for the first time, I longed for the female companionship they offered so easily.

Nervous and awkward, I struggled to find the words, but Natalie’s soft voice reached my ears before I could. “If you have no one to watch Knox, you two need a night out more than anyone. Take the offer. Come out with us tomorrow night and celebrate. You missed the first party when they won.”

Biting my lip nervously, I tried to find another excuse. “Ceremony sounds formal. I don’t have anything to wear.”

Natalie’s face lit up with a wide smile. “You’re in luck. Lucy happens to be one of the trendiest evening wear designers in the world.”

Lucy squealed, clapping her hands together. “Are we playing dress-up?”

How was I going to talk my way out of this one?

Be honest. Women will understand body insecurities. Everyone has them, even the thin ones, right?

Gesturing a hand up and down from my shoulders to my hips, I said, “This isn’t exactly a body meant to wear couture.”

The four women shared a knowing smile.

Amy spoke. “That’s why she’s so popular. Lucy caters to all body types, offering an unheard-of range of sizes.”

Lucy shrugged. “Every woman deserves to feel beautiful, regardless of their body shape.”

I could only gape at the petite woman before me.

She took it upon herself to celebrate what made us different when she could probably walk into any store and find something in her size?

I was blown away. Either I’d hit the jackpot, or God was making up for my early years of being tortured for being built differently from the rest.

Nodding, I accepted there was no way to talk myself out of the event. “Okay.”

Smiling, Lucy pulled out her phone. “Perfect! I’ll text Sophie—that’s my lead designer and right hand—and have her send up a few pieces that should work that we have on hand in the studio.”

Taking a deep breath, I asked, “Got any necklines that might be able to hide this?” Pulling at the neck of my blouse, I revealed the blossoming bruise Benji had left on my shoulder when he bit me in bed earlier that morning.

There was a split second of silence before all four cheered loudly.

Natalie snickered. “Been there.”

Hannah moved closer to get a better look, shouting, “Damn, Benji!”

Blushing, I peeked over my shoulder, and sure enough, all the men had turned to find out what the commotion was about. Benji’s silver eyes bore into mine, and I bit my lip. His gaze slid down my body, and a jolt of heat ran down my spine.

Lucy’s voice pulled me back to the group of ladies. “I can’t promise that I have something that will cover it completely, but I’ll send the glam team. They can do wonders with the right concealer.”

“Glam team?” Were they speaking in another language?

Hannah threw an arm over my shoulder. “Stick with us, kid. We’ll have you polished up so shiny Benji won’t know what hit him.”

I liked the sound of that.

Suddenly, it was as if I were a butterfly breaking free of my chrysalis. My life was transforming, and I was ready to embrace this new chapter.

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Chapter 24

Benji

Jaxon waited until the girls moved further into the tent. He turned on me as soon as they were safely out of earshot. “What the fuck happened?”

Ignoring him, I turned to Cal. “Fixed things with Hannah, did you?”

A corner of Cal’s lips twitched. “Yup. All better. Back to you.”

I smirked. “What do you want to know?”

Jaxon crossed his arms. “I don’t know . . . Maybe how we legit watched your son on the ice two months ago, and you didn’t seem to have any inclination that you were his father? Let’s start there.”

“So dramatic,” I muttered.

“This is a big deal, Benji. Don’t make it out like it isn’t.” Jaxon was using his stern “dad” voice.

Heaving a sigh, I explained, “After you left, I went to offer Knox the scholarship. Imagine my surprise when I found myself face-to-face with his grandma, who just happens to be the mother of my high school sweetheart, who I left behind when I went to play in Detroit. It didn’t take long to put two and two together.”

Before Jaxon could respond to that information, Preston walked up, clapping me on the back. Blowing out a breath, he said, “Jeez. I don’t know what I would have done in your shoes. How did you not blow a gasket when you found out she kept him from you?”

“Yeah . . . I kinda did. Threatened to sue her for custody.” I wasn’t proud of it, looking back.

Shaking his head, Jaxon scoffed. “Oh, I bet that went over real well.”

“Not so much.” I shoved both hands in my pockets. “It was one thing to know she never came to find me. But when I discovered that she knew before I left? It triggered something deep within me, and I snapped. I’d already missed eight years with the kid. I wasn’t about to lose another minute.”

Cal asked, “You were there that whole time?”

“I couldn’t leave him. It was a visceral reaction. That’s my kid, you know? Well, maybe you don’t.” I turned to Jaxon and Preston. “But you two do.” They nodded their agreement, so I continued, “And fuck if he isn’t the coolest kid I’ve ever met.”

Jaxon smiled knowingly. “Feels good to be someone’s personal hero, doesn’t it? You don’t have to do much more than exist, and they think you’re the most amazing person in the world.”

“The best feeling ever.” I sighed.

Liam came from out of nowhere. “News travels fast. I never thought I’d see the day you were someone’s dad.”

Gritting my teeth against the wave of regret that crashed over me out of nowhere, I said, “I hate that I wasn’t there all those years.”

A sympathetic expression crossed Jaxon’s face. “I can’t help but think that could have been me. What would have happened if Natalie hadn’t told me about Charlie?”

“That was my plan. The women overruled me.” Liam shrugged unapologetically.

Liam was a protector. He used to hate Jaxon for the simple fact that he’d been in love with Natalie from afar for years. It didn’t surprise me in the least that he would have wanted to cut Jaxon out of the equation in his own daughter’s life.

Cal groaned. “I just know I’m gonna catch shit when I get home. I can already hear Hannah in my head asking if I’ve got any little fuckers—her words, not mine—running around out there. Two whoopsie babies—three, if we count the one Nat’s currently cooking—in the group are going to send her into a spiral of paranoia.”

“Glad my family life is a problem for you.” I shot Cal a look of annoyance.

Jaxon asked, “Did she explain why she kept him a secret for so long?”

I ran a hand through my hair. “If we hadn’t run into him at the rink, she told me she wasn’t going to tell him until he was eighteen. Then Knox would get to decide if he wanted to contact me.”

Letting out a low whistle, Jaxon said, “Jesus. That’s rough, man.”

Nodding in agreement, I continued, “She explained that she found out right before I told her I was leaving. She didn’t want to be the reason I didn’t go.”

“Would you have stayed?” Jaxon raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“The more I think about it, the more I realize she knew me better than I knew myself. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him behind. I would have given all of this up if she hadn’t agreed to move out here with me.”

Cal’s jaw dropped. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’d have walked away? That’s not the Benji Mills I know.”

Leveling him with a glare, I countered, “Says the man who retired over a woman.” Cal looked mildly chagrined. “The Benji Mills you knew didn’t have responsibilities. He only cared about himself. Those two are my family, and I would do anything for them.”

Jaxon smirked. “Look at our Benji boy. He’s all grown up.”

I smacked his arm. “Shut up.”

“Seriously. I’m proud of you. It takes a real man to step up for his kid.”

His words were innocent, but they twisted in my gut. I wasn’t half the father he was—not yet, anyway—but I was leaps and bounds better than the man who’d contributed his DNA to my creation. Knox deserved the best from me, so I silently vowed to strive to be better every single day until I reached ultimate dad status like Jaxon.

Preston chimed in. “Okay, so explain to me how you went from threatening legal action to being willing to give up your career, and now, what I’m assuming is you all living together as a family.”

Huffing, I replied, “If you’re asking if we just picked up where we left off nine years ago, the answer is a resounding hell no. She even had the balls to ask me to watch Knox while she went on a date.”

Liam chuckled. “Sounds like she had your balls in a jar if you agreed to that.”

Glaring at the man who easily had six inches and fifty pounds of muscle on me, I was itching to throw down. He was usually well put together but currently looked like shit. His hair was sticking out in several directions, his eyes sunken and bloodshot, and if I wasn’t mistaken, there was a gentle sway about him as if he were unsteady on his feet. I had a feeling I could take him, but I reminded myself that he had diplomatic immunity as a foreign prince, and a scuffle would only land me in trouble.

I grumbled, “Yeah, well. I wanted to spend time with my kid.” An evil grin crept onto my lips. “And I sure as hell took steps to ruin that date.”

“You didn’t.” Jaxon gave me a look of disapproval.

“Still not sorry.” I shrugged, smiling to myself, thinking about how that night had ended with my hand down Liv’s panties.

Before he could chastise me further, a raucous cheer came from the ladies gathered twenty feet away. Liam levitated about a foot off the ground, every one of his many muscles tensed.

Collectively, our heads turned in their direction to find out what the commotion was. Seeing them gathered around Liv, Liam visibly sagged in relief.

Blowing out a heavy breath, he muttered, “Maybe you got the better deal not having to watch the woman you love suffer, and being completely helpless.”

Not being there for Liv on the day Knox was born took the top spot on my giant list of regrets. Shaking my head, I replied, “It’s easy to say that when you haven’t missed the most important day of your life.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Liam’s mouth twisted, unsure.

Peeking around Jaxon and Preston, who were blocking my view of the ladies, I noticed Liv had her shirt pulled to the side. Chuckling, I knew exactly what they were so riled up about. I’d marked her this morning. If she hadn’t been so anxious, I would have insisted she not cover it up, but I didn’t want to add to her distress. If she felt comfortable enough with the girls to show them, they must be getting along well already.

I had no doubts that they would immediately bring Liv into their tight-knit group. From what I could remember, the girls in high school hadn’t been particularly kind to her. My teeth gritted thinking about those insecure little bitches picking on her for things outside of her control—her body shape, her father’s profession. Liv needed the kindness my friends’ significant others gave so freely. It was good for her to be able to spread her wings and branch out from the small town that had bound her for her entire life.

Licking my lips, I thought back to this morning. Lazy sex like that was entirely new for me, but I was a different man when I was with Liv. Granted, I still demanded her trust, taking control of caring for her needs as well as my own. She had been so timid and unsure, but her body’s physical cues didn’t lie. She loved every filthy thing I’d ordered her to do.

And I had no idea what came over me when I’d told her I wanted to put another baby in her. That had been completely off-script. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. And it wasn’t just about getting a second chance, a re-do after missing out on that part with Knox. I’d meant what I said—I wanted to watch her grow. I could only picture how beautiful she’d look—breasts swollen, belly rounded—knowing I had done that. Fuck, I was starting to get hard just imagining it.

Peeking over her shoulder, Liv’s gaze met mine. She must have seen the arousal on my face—not having any clue as to why—because her cheeks turned the most stunning shade of pink before she turned away.

My eyes were still on her, but I could sense Jaxon’s on me.

He cleared his throat, so I forced myself to look at him. His whiskey eyes assessed me carefully. Unable to stand the silence, knowing there was something he wanted to say, I huffed, “Just spit it out.”

Jaxon’s lips turned down. “You do realize the game has changed, right? Single moms aren’t like other women. They put their kids first, even if that kid is yours. If you’re just messing around, thinking you’ve got it easy with this ready-made family, maybe it’s time to take a step back and evaluate if this is what you want. Being a father and being a partner are very different, each requiring patience and selflessness. It’s okay if both at the same time is too much and you can only handle one. I don’t want to see your relationship with your son be put in jeopardy because you broke her heart. I can see from here that she’s in love with you.”

Jaxon was a good guy. Arguably, the best I’d ever known. Case in point: he was trying to protect Liv from me, and I was one of his best friends. How could you not like a guy who was already looking out for your girl, only having met her thirty minutes ago?

I might have drawn a shitty hand in the parent department, but I’d hit the jackpot when it came to the friends I considered family.

Setting his mind at ease, I declared confidently, “She’s the one.” It was gratifying to watch his eyes widen. “I think she always has been. If I’d stayed in Michigan and had never gotten called down to the junior team in Detroit, I want to believe we would have ended up together. With or without Knox coming along. She twists me up inside more often than not, but I would die before I let her go again.”

A smile spread on Jaxon’s face. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Looking skyward, I rolled my eyes. “Is Jaxon Slate’s therapy hour over yet? If not, I’m gonna need a drink.”

Cal chuckled. “Not so fun when you’re on the receiving end, is it?”

Liam grumbled, “What’s more amusing is that he thinks he’s the relationship guru of the group, having been married the longest. But you should have seen this guy falling all over himself to win over Natalie.”

Jaxon scoffed. “Yeah, okay. At least I wasn’t the one hiding from my wife as she tried to seduce me. Or embarrassing myself in front of a crowd at my wife’s surprise birthday party by giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek after giving an incredibly moving speech about discovering the person you’re meant to be with when they’ve been under your nose the whole time.”

Preston snickered. “I love hearing the stories about the unflappable Liam Remington being brought to his knees by a woman.”

Shoving him on the shoulder, Liam glared at the man who was not only his oldest friend but his brother-in-law. “Says the man who had to break down a door to get his fiancé to talk to him.”

A smug smile crept onto Preston’s face. “If only you knew the half of that story.”

There was comfort in the fact that all these men had hit rough patches in their journey to finding happiness with the women they loved. I could only hope that Liv and I had weathered the worst of the storm already, and ahead of us was nothing but smooth sailing.

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Chapter 25

Benji

“Dad, I wanna goooooo,” Knox whined from his perch beside me on the couch in the family room.

Checking my watch, I knew we would be late if we didn’t leave soon. As it was, we were already making a pit stop at Jaxon and Natalie’s house to drop off Knox to play with Beau for the evening so we could attend the ring ceremony. Hence, his current complaints about wanting to leave. He hadn’t stopped talking about Beau since the picnic. It warmed my heart to see those two boys already so close. It was as if they were meant to be in each other’s lives.

Pushing off the couch, I moved toward the stairs, calling back to Knox, “I’m gonna go check and see if Mom is ready. If she’s not, then we will wait.” I gave him a pointed look, adding, “Patiently. The girls don’t have it as easy as us guys.”

Knox’s lips twisted in thought. “It’s never taken Mom this long to get ready before. It’s been hours.”

He wasn’t exaggerating. Liv had been absconded in the master suite for no less than three hours. Smiling, I thought back to when the glam team Lucy sent over had arrived, and Liv looked like a deer caught in headlights. Nervously, she’d joked that it felt like she was at the beginning of a movie makeover montage as they led her upstairs, carting up cases of God only knew what and at least a dozen garment bags.

Ascending the stairs, I had no idea what I was walking into. The team had left nearly half an hour ago, so Liv was alone in our room. Turning the doorknob to the suite, I found the main area empty. The bathroom door was cracked open, so I called out, warning her of my presence. “Liv, you almost ready? Knox is driving me nuts, begging to get over to Beau’s.”

She didn’t respond, so I pushed the door open.

The air left my lungs, and my world came to a screeching halt.

Liv stood by the vanity, peering at herself in the mirror. The woman I’d fallen in love with—the natural beauty—was gone, replaced by a stunning creature I almost didn’t recognize. She was clad in a backless gold dress shimmering beneath the bathroom lights. Hugging her ass so tightly I had to bite back a groan, it stopped midway down her thighs. I trailed my gaze down her legs to find her calf muscles defined by the strappy gold heels gracing her feet. Dragging my eyes back up, her dark blonde hair was gently twisted to the side until it created a bun at the nape of her neck. There were gold flecks seemingly painted over the soft locks.

Catching her gaze in the mirror, I continued my perusal, using the reflective surface as she had yet to turn around.

The makeup on her face made her look like a movie star, ready for the red carpet. Shimmery eyeshadow accented the dazzling green color of her eyes, making them look impossibly large. Black lashes appeared longer than I’d ever seen them, and I couldn’t tell from this distance if they were hers, highlighted by mascara, or if they were fake. Her lips were painted a cherry red, and the way her teeth worried the bottom one, she would chew most of the color off by the end of the night.

Dipping lower, I noted the bruise left from my bite mark was notably absent, and I silently tipped my hat to the makeup team for their excellent job in concealing it. The halter neckline of the dress left her shoulders bare as it draped over her breasts, nipples teasing against the thin fabric.

She looks good enough to eat.

That thought sparked inspiration, and I shoved off the doorjamb enough to close the door to the bathroom, flicking the lock. Spinning around, I found Liv facing me with a nervous question in her eyes as I stalked closer.

“Is it too much?” she asked, fidgeting with the short hemline, trying to tug it further down her legs. I smirked as the action pulled it lower at the neckline, the curves of her perky breasts becoming visible.

Shaking my head, I lowered my voice. “I’m sorry, miss. But you have to get out of here before my girlfriend sees you. She already thinks I’m a total playboy. And finding you in our master bathroom will get me in a lot of trouble.”

“Huh?” Liv’s eyebrows furrowed, creating an adorable little crease between them.

Leaning in, I nipped at where her neck met her shoulder. It wasn’t far from the hidden mark branding her as mine. Inhaling deeply, I breathed in her scent. Fuck, she smelled incredible, like apples and honey. My dick swelled to life behind the zipper of my fly.

Gripping her hips, I lifted her onto the edge of the vanity built into the wall.

Caught by surprise, her arms flailed before finding purchase on my shoulders. “Wh-what are you doing? We’re already running late.”

Liv’s innocence was intoxicating. Even in the position I held her, perched with her thighs open to cradle my hips, she was too naïve to realize how deeply seated my need for her was.

Most men shied away from inexperience, and if I was honest, I had, too, in the past. With the exception of one woman—this woman. Perhaps it boiled down to the primal possession I felt being her one and only lover. I relished the idea that I would be the one to teach her, to mold her into the sexually confident woman she was destined to become.

Hands skimming her bare thighs, I moved them to the hem of her skirt. “Do I need to remind you who is in charge in this room?”

Moss green eyes flaring, a corner of her lips quirked up, and she cocked her head. “You said the bedroom. This is the bathroom.”

Growling, my grip grew punishing. It fucking fired me up when she pushed back. It made her surrender that much sweeter.

“Semantics. If I want to fuck you over the edge of the balcony railing or tie you up inside the walk-in closet, you’ll let me do it with a smile on your face and a moan slipping past your lips. Isn’t that right?”

Her resulting gasp was music to my ears. I lived for her shocked reactions to the filthy things I said, explaining in detail how I was going to destroy her sweet body.

Moving in to capture her lips, I was a breath away when Liv halted me with a single word. “Makeup.”

Normally, I would have said “fuck it” and done as I pleased, but I knew she’d spent hours getting ready and was already nervous about the formality of the evening. It was just as well—it wasn’t her mouth I had planned to devour before we left anyway.

“Very well, but you’re not off the hook.”

“Excuse me?”

I arched an eyebrow. “Was that you questioning me? In this room?”

Mouth slamming shut, she shook her head, green eyes wide as she waited for my next move.

Smirking, I remarked, “That’s what I thought.”

Slipping my hands beneath her dress, excited to find whatever kind of skimpy lingerie would accompany such a stunning dress—or perhaps to discover none at all—I stopped when I encountered tight spandex encasing her thighs.

Breaking Liv’s gaze, I peered down, shoving the dress over her hips. The piece of nude spandex went from her upper thighs up and over her stomach. Pulling at it gently, the tight fabric snapped right back.

“What the fuck is this?” I demanded.

Liv hesitated, so my eyes snapped to hers. Color bloomed under the manufactured blush on her cheeks. Nibbling on the corner of her lower lip, she explained. “It’s shapewear. It’s meant to smooth out all the lumps and bumps so they don’t show under the dress.”

Frowning, I asked, “Is it comfortable?”

A wry laugh filled the air. “God, no. I can’t breathe in this thing. And heaven help me if I need to use the restroom at any point this evening because I’m not sure I’ll be able to wrestle myself back into it. It took three women tugging and pulling to get it on the first time.”

That settled it. “It’s coming off then.”

“You can’t!” she protested.

“And why not?”

“Be-because they didn’t leave any of the other dresses behind. I can’t wear something like this without support sucking me in.” Wild, panicked eyes pleaded with mine.

My jaw dropped. “You’re serious?”

Liv’s head bobbed frantically. It killed me that she couldn’t see what I saw when I looked at her. Those petty high school girls deserved to be stuck in that town for ruining her body image.

Gripping her chin, I held eye contact so she’d know I meant every word I was about to say. “Honey, your body is fucking amazing.” She tried to turn her head away, but I held it immobile. “Do you feel that?” I ground my hips between her open thighs, letting my raging hard-on do the talking. Liv swallowed, giving a shallow nod. “This body turns me on. Not some simulated version created by a tight piece of stretchy fabric.”

Closing her eyes, Liv sighed, and I accepted the silent victory.

“Now, if that’s settled, we are taking off what you’ve loosely described as a torture device, and it’s not going back on.”

Peeking at me from beneath what I could now tell were thick, false lashes, she whispered, “Okay.”

Sliding my hands up to where it rested beneath her breasts, I tugged, peeling the garment lower. I met resistance when it reached her hips, and her gorgeous body flared out in a way that had always driven me wild. Grunting, I nearly toppled Liv from her perch on the vanity with the force used to try and free her.

This shit was no joke. Why did women do this to themselves? Men were simple creatures. Sure, pretty clothes were nice, but nothing beat when we got to strip them away to reveal the body beneath. Naked and natural would always win in my book.

Taking a calming breath, frustrated with my efforts yielding little results, I eased Liv to her feet. Dropping to my knees, I grabbed two fistfuls of spandex—my new archnemesis—and yanked. Hard. Threads popped, and I finally emerged victorious when the side seams split, and I could ease what was left of the material down her thighs.

Resting my head against her stomach, I breathed out, “Let’s not do that again.”

Even with my eyes closed, I could hear the laughter in her voice. “I only wish I had my phone out to record that. Would probably become the next viral sensation.”

Gliding my hands up the back of her thighs, I hoisted her onto the counter. I wasn’t done with her yet, and her smart mouth only spurred me on. Rising to my feet, I shucked my suit jacket, folding it neatly and placing it on the vanity bench.

“We’re never going to get out of here if clothes keep coming off,” she teased. “Aren’t there people waiting for us?”

Shrugging, I tossed the length of my tie over my shoulder. “Let them wait. Right now, I’m in the mood for an appetizer.”

Sinking to my knees, I pulled her ass to the edge of the vanity, pushing her thighs wide. My mouth filled with saliva the moment her scent hit me, her pussy now bare and open to my gaze.

For once, Liv didn’t argue or protest. Her sweet moan of anticipation was her only response to my words.

Dipping my head, I gave a slow, firm lick up her center, groaning as her unique flavor flooded my tastebuds. I’d eaten my share of pussy over the years, but Liv’s haunted my every waking moment. I craved the taste of her, day in and day out. It was as if the first sample of her essence had changed my brain chemistry.

There are worse addictions than a delicious pussy.

Using my hands, I tilted Liv’s ass, nearly lifting it off the counter as I devoured her. I would never get enough of this woman. She drove me insane merely by existing.

The first pass had been slow, but her intoxicating flavor turned me into a man possessed. I wanted to hear her fucking screams echoing off the walls. Closing my lips around her clit, I sucked hard enough for Liv to squeal, trying to escape the intensity of the sensation.

Hands snaked into my hair, tugging hard enough to cause pain, but I didn’t let up. She knew the rules. I was in charge here. It didn’t matter if I was the one on my knees.

Writhing above me, Liv’s pants punctured the air. “Benj. It’s too . . . too much.”

Goddamn, I loved when she called me Benj. Growling against her flesh, I peeked up at her. “Never. If I decide I’m going to make you squirt so hard you ruin this shirt and I have to change, then you’ll fucking do it.”

She might be innocent, but she fucking loved when I talked dirty to her. My chin was soaked from the fresh wave of arousal those words had caused.

Her head lolled back onto the mirror behind her, and I went back to work. This time, shoving two fingers roughly into her, pumping quickly in time with the flicks of my tongue against her clit. Her tight walls gripped the digits, fluttering around them. She was close.

Liv’s moans grew in pitch and volume, her hips bucking wildly against my face. Easing my pace, I kept her on the edge, a gentle reminder that I controlled when and how she got off. Whimpering above me, I knew the exact moment she surrendered. Her hips stilled, a silent gesture of trust—accepting that I would bring her the pleasure she was desperate for.

“Good girl,” I growled against her slick flesh.

Pinning her down with an arm banded across her hips, I thrust my fingers into her roughly, over and over again. Liv’s noises changed from moans to throaty groans when I curled them to hit that magic spot, massaging it with each pass. My tongue teased her swollen bud, giving it light pressure, just enough to drive her mad.

Using my free hand, I pressed down on her lower abdomen, right above the pubic bone, and Liv’s upper body lurched upright. The animalist sound torn from her lips told me everything I needed to know. I had her right where I wanted her. And maybe it was time to make good on that promise.

Keeping steady pressure from above, I pressed firmly from within. Tugging her clit between my teeth, I braced for the fireworks.

Liv’s body spasmed with a scream, her orgasm overtaking her with such force that she couldn’t control the violent waves of pleasure crashing over her. Not relenting, I kept up what I called the triple threat, just waiting until . . .

There.

A gush of hot liquid hit my chest, soaking the fabric of my shirt.

If there had been any doubts about who owned this body, they were put to rest tonight.

Licking her clean, I sat back on my heels, amazed at the goddess lying limp and breathless against the mirror—eyes squeezed tightly shut, red-painted lips parted as air rushed past them, a light sheen of sweat coated every inch of her flushed skin. She was always beautiful, but never more so than in these moments when she came down from the heights of pleasure I provided.

I still couldn’t believe she was mine. That she wanted me.

If I had to tie her to the bed or make her too weak to stand from orgasms on demand in order to keep her, I would. I couldn’t go back to a life without her in it.

Swallowing, Liv opened those dazed green eyes hooded in lust. When she caught sight of the shirt plastered to my chest, her cheeks turned impossibly red, and she sluggishly moved both hands to cover her face.

“Oh my God,” she groaned.

Standing, I pried her hands away, allowing our foreheads to rest together. “Baby, that was hot as fuck.”

“I didn’t think you were serious.” Embarrassment colored her words. “I-I didn’t think it was even possible.”

My lips curved into a grin, and I pulled back to look her in the eye. “It’s my pleasure to prove all your myths about sex and the human body completely wrong.”

Her hands reached out to touch the mess she’d made. “I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

“Did you like it?”

Biting her lip, she nodded. “You should probably shower and change.”

Loosening my tie, I slipped it off before unbuttoning my shirt. I didn’t miss the way her eyes trailed down the muscles of my bare chest. Her breathing, which had just evened out, became shallow again as she eyed my pants, tented by my erection.

Sliding off the counter, she stumbled and fell against my chest. Banding my arms around her to keep her steady, I contemplated ditching the ceremony. Guys who were traded in the offseason or had moved on of their own volition wouldn’t be there, already training with their new teams. They would collect their rings the next time they came to town to play. I didn’t need to be there.

But one look at the beauty in my arms, and the caveman in me wanted to show her off to the world. To claim her as mine in front of the cameras.

Benji Mills was off the market. Confirmed as a family man.

Who would have ever thought it?

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 26

Liv

While Benji changed—refusing to shower, declaring he wanted to be covered in my scent for the evening—I texted Natalie, letting her know we were running behind and would meet them at the restaurant downtown after dropping Knox off at her place. She knew I was nervous with this being my first formal Comets event, and she told us to take all the time we needed and that they’d see us at the party.

I was still in shock, first from the team the ladies had sent to get me ready for the evening and then with Benji making my body do the unthinkable. A blush crept onto my cheeks thinking about it as we drove through our gated community in the dark, reaching Natalie and Jaxon’s house within minutes.

Knox barely waited for the car to stop before he hopped out, racing toward the door. Lucy threw it open with a smile and a wave to us. She threw me a wink and mouthed “have fun” before shutting the door.

The drive into the city took less than half an hour, and while it couldn’t compare to the grand scale of New York City, the skyscrapers still had my neck craning as I peered at them through the window.

Stopping before one of them, Benji handed off the keys to a valet and rounded the car to help me out. Wobbling, I took his offered hand. These heels were going to be the death of me. Who thought standing on a four-inch spike while balancing on your toes was a good idea?

Guiding me through the beautiful hotel lobby, Benji led me to the bank of elevators, which would take us to the restaurant on the top floor holding the event. Closing my eyes, I took a calming breath. Benji had warned me about the press being in attendance and that we would be photographed as a couple. Opening up myself and my private life to scrutiny was a huge leap—one I was willing to take for the man I loved. He was worth it.

The elevator dinged moments before the doors slid open to reveal the opulent restaurant before us, and I couldn’t hold back a gasp. Floor-to-ceiling windows stretched along three sides of the building, giving a stunning view of the Hartford skyline glittering against the night sky. Tables and chairs were draped in silver with navy accents—Comets team colors.

Benji pulled me from the elevator, keeping my hand in his. The further we moved into the restaurant, the more eyes I felt on us. At a quick glance, almost every head in the room was tracking our movement.

I leaned into Benji and whispered, “They’re all staring at me.”

Surveying the room, he agreed, “Yes, they are.”

Sweat gathered under my armpits, and I wondered if a fancy place like this would have a basket of toiletries in the bathroom. Using my free hand, I tugged on the hemline of my dress.

“They’re probably thinking, how dare she walk in here wearing so little when she looks like that.” Every woman I passed so far was thin, the kind of woman meant to be wearing a dress like the one I wore tonight. I stuck out like a sore thumb with my disproportionate measurements.

“No.” Benji’s voice was so firm that I forced myself to look at him. Squeezing my hand, he continued, “They’re wondering how the fuck I managed to snag the most stunning woman in the room.”

I scoffed. “Nice try.”

He stopped dead in the middle of the room, and I came to a halt beside him.

“What are you—”

Benji cut my words off with a searing kiss, his tongue sliding against mine, out in the open where everyone could see. I stiffened momentarily at the public display of affection, but when his hands teased the bare skin of my lower back, I was lost. Sinking into his embrace, I nipped at his lower lip, not caring about the mess we made of my red lipstick. He certainly didn’t care as he plundered my mouth, teasing and tasting as if he were savoring a four-course meal.

Finally coming up for air, his silver eyes bore into mine. His voice was husky and low as I felt the hard length of him pressing against my thigh. “Tomorrow morning, when my tongue down your throat makes its way onto every seedy tabloid, there will be no question about Benji Mills being off the market. My opinion is the only one that matters.”

Well . . . When he put it like that. Let’s just say it had been pointless putting on panties because they were already ruined. I doubted they had a basket of those lying around in the bathroom.

“Liv!” a voice called off to the side.

Breaking Benji’s gaze, I turned to find Natalie and Hannah moving toward us.

Even pregnant, Natalie was gorgeous. Her baby bump was showcased in a black one-shoulder, calf-length dress that fit tight against her skin. Honey-blonde hair pulled to the side, it curled over her bare shoulder, and tasteful diamond jewelry graced her neck and ears. She was classy to a T. Hannah’s look was bolder but no less stunning. Her silver dress glittered under the lights with every step she took as her leg peeked out through a thigh-high slit. It had a fitted bodice, putting the generous swell of her breasts on display before the skirt flowed around her. Her caramel-highlighted brown hair was braided over the crown of her head, and the rest fell in loose waves behind her. She knew she was beautiful and wasn’t ashamed to show off her incredible body. What I wouldn’t give for an ounce of her confidence.

Seeing their approach, Benji murmured in my ear, “I’ll grab you a glass of champagne.” Nodding to the women, he greeted them, “Ladies.”

Then he was gone, and I was left alone with my two new—dare I say it—friends. Immediately missing his support, I grabbed the nearest chair to remain upright.

Natalie’s dazzling smile set me at ease as she scanned my appearance. “Liv, you look incredible. And that dress. You’d never know it wasn’t made for you.” Turning to Hannah, she mused, “Lucy outdoes herself every time.”

Hannah gestured a hand to her own shimmery gown. “Mine was custom-made by her, yet somehow, she finds something in the studio that blows it away. Bitch did me dirty.”

My eyes bugged out of my head at the derogatory term toward her . . . Shoot. I couldn’t recall the relationship between Lucy and Hannah. Were they just friends? Or related in some way?

Waving a hand, Hannah set my mind at ease. “I’m only teasing. You look great. I like the gold in your hair.”

Natalie rolled her eyes, explaining, “Hannah is an acquired taste.”

Smirking, Hannah shot back, “Like all the best things in life.” She pulled a disgusted face. “Don’t get me started on the first time I tried caviar.” She stuck her tongue out. “Yuck. But now I love it.”

Staring at her, I didn’t know how to respond, having never indulged in the finer things myself. Changing the subject, I said to Natalie, “I’m sorry we kept you waiting earlier. I hope you weren’t late because of us.”

Smiling, Natalie shook her head. “Oh, no. It was no problem at all. Sometimes, the prep can take a little longer than expected.”

Blushing, I dropped my gaze to the floor. “Yeah . . .”

Hannah caught on right away. “So, that little show you two put on . . . Was it the prelude or the encore? You know what? Doesn’t matter. Either way, it was hot. Benji fucking claimed you for the world to see.” Glancing up, I found her fanning herself before she winked at me.

The reminder of that kiss had me releasing my death grip on the chair beside me to check if my lipstick was smeared, and I nearly toppled over. Catching myself in the nick of time, I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Natalie took my hand. “Why don’t we sit down for a bit?”

Nodding, I allowed her to lead me to a table near the front of the room. Glancing down at her feet, I noted how effortlessly she walked in heels higher than mine—eight months pregnant, no less.

Dropping onto the first chair I encountered at the table, I turned to Natalie. “I’m stumbling like a newborn giraffe in these heels. How are you managing it so effortlessly? I could barely get my feet in my sneakers this late in my pregnancy with Knox.”

She offered me a wry smile as she took the chair beside me. “I got used to it. I was in heels until the day before I delivered Beau.”

Gawking at her, I blurted, “That sounds terrible. Why would you do that to yourself?” Grimacing when I heard how rude I sounded, I added, “Sorry, that came out wrong. Don’t feel like you have to answer that.”

Natalie’s smile became genuine. “No, it’s okay. We’re friends now.” She took a deep breath. “My ex was . . . To put it nicely, demanding.”

Hannah pointed a finger between us. “No. We don’t say ‘nice’ things about Leo. Sadistic was what he was. He got off on her pain, pure and simple. Whether it was physical or emotional, he enjoyed watching her suffer.”

Taken aback by her sudden vitriol, I stared at her in shock. Hannah didn’t pull any punches, but one thing was clear—she went to war for those she cared about.

Suddenly, I was left with even more questions. If what Natalie had said was true, she wouldn’t mind. “I’m confused. I thought Jaxon was Beau’s father.”

There was no hesitation in Natalie’s response. “He is in every way that matters.”

Interesting. Their coloring was so similar, I’d assumed, but I guess I was wrong.

Then there was the way Hannah spoke about Natalie’s ex-husband as if she knew him personally. It made sense that they would have developed a friendship by dating players who were best friends, but it seemed as though it went deeper than that.

I gestured between them and asked, “Have you been friends long?”

Hannah snorted. “Sometimes, it feels like too long.”

Natalie nudged her but replied, “Hannah showed up in Hartford when we were fourteen. I asked her to sit with me and Amy at lunch on her first day at school, and the rest is history.”

So much had gone on at the picnic that I couldn’t piece together how they all fit. “So, Amy is a friend from school, too? And Lucy is your sister-in-law, so that makes her Jaxon’s sister, right?”

The two ladies shared a look before Natalie apologized, “You’ll have to forgive us. Most people know how we all came together.”

Hannah smirked. “I guess it’s time for a quick history lesson. Nat, do you want to take the lead? You are the glue holding us all together, it would seem.”

Smiling, Natalie agreed. “It is crazy how it all came together.” She paused, seemingly in thought. “I suppose it’s best to start at the beginning. Amy and I met in preschool here in Hartford, so we’ve known each other our whole lives. As I mentioned, Hannah showed up freshman year of high school. She’s our Comets connection. Her dad, Ace, is the team’s head coach.”

Nodding, I mused, “Benji mentioned that someone was dating the coach’s daughter.”

Hannah raised a hand, proudly declaring, “Yep! That’s me. And that’s a doozy of a story.” She gave me a cheeky wink.

Natalie shushed her. “We are going in order not to confuse the poor girl.”

“Better grab your popcorn, Liv,” Hannah said. “Because this next part is where it gets a little dramatic."

Natalie sighed at her friend, saying, “I got married right out of high school. My ex, Leo, just so happened to be a European prince.”

My jaw unhinged, and I could hear my mother in my head telling me I was going to catch flies. “I’m sorry. Did you say, prince?”

Pointing a finger at Natalie, Hannah smirked. “I told you. Drama.”

Jeez. Who are these people?

Natalie nodded, confirming, “Yes, but it was the furthest thing from a fairy tale. Long story short, he’s mentally unstable but won’t ever get a chance to hurt me or my kids ever again.”

Hannah hadn’t been kidding. This was more drama than a soap opera. No wonder they barely batted an eyelash over Benji showing up with a kid he hadn’t known existed. It was nothing compared to some of the things they’d seen or experienced.

Waving a dismissive hand like having a psycho ex was no big deal, she explained, “That’s how Liam and Lucy come in. They’re Leo’s siblings.”

“This is where it gets good,” Hannah remarked. “Jaxon and Nat had a one-night thing, and she goes and gets knocked up with our Charlie.”

“Hey! Are you telling this story, or am I?” Natalie challenged.

“Knowing you, you had plans to gloss over that part,” Hannah teased with a smile.

Shooting her a glare, Natalie sighed. “Yes, it’s true. Jaxon and I didn’t get off to the most conventional start, but all that matters is that we found our way together in the end.”

Hannah scoffed. “You sure made him work for it.”

I suddenly felt more comfortable. For years, I’d carried the shame of being an unwed mother. Sure, the rest of the town weren’t exactly saints, but there was an expectation that if you got a girl in trouble, you married her, no questions asked. As if that somehow absolved them from their sins. From the sounds of it, Natalie hadn’t been too keen to jump right into marriage with a man who’d gotten her pregnant—even if they’d eventually ended up together—and I felt a strange kinship with her.

“Anyway.” Natalie rolled her eyes. “Liam and Amy were living with me, helping with the kids. Amy hit a career roadblock, and Liam offered to marry her. Then, they fell in love.”

“So, two best friends married brothers?” I asked.

“Bingo!” Hannah yelled. “Although, their marriages never overlapped.”

My head was spinning, trying to piece all of this information together.

I inquired, “And nobody’s related to Jaxon?”

A tender expression crossed Natalie’s face. “Well, he does have a much younger brother, Braxton, who happens to play for the Comets now, too. He’s not here tonight because he’ll be a rookie this upcoming season and wasn’t on the team when they won the championship, but you won’t be able to miss him when you see him. He and Jaxon look a lot alike.”

Brothers both playing professionally made me think of Knox and how easily he’d taken to the ice. “Is it common for that natural talent to run in families?”

Natalie shrugged. “It depends. There are a few sibling sets in the league and a handful of legacy players—that’s where it spans multiple generations of a family. Some of that boils down to access to training or name recognition. But when you look at the numbers, only one percent of youth hockey players will ever go pro.”

“Wow,” I breathed out. I’d known the number was small, but hearing how tiny the odds were made me even prouder of Benji for getting here.

From right behind me, a familiar voice said, “I was just thinking the same thing.”

Warm lips pressed against the side of my neck as a flute of champagne was placed in my hand. Benji took the open seat beside me, and I beamed at him.

Grinning back at me, he mused, “You look happy.”

“I am. I like your friends.”

Hannah called down the table, “Why are you telling him? We like compliments said straight to our face.”

Turning, I couldn’t help but laugh, feeling freer than I had since our move to Connecticut. Hannah had shifted down a seat to allow Jaxon to sit beside Natalie. One of his large hands was resting on her belly, and there was a look of pure affection on his face as he stared adoringly at his wife. The open display of love would have been beautiful if not for the pang of guilt stabbing me in the chest.

Benji and I had never shared moments like that because of me. He hadn’t outright said it, but I knew he’d forgiven me. But what would it take to forgive myself?

Cal’s voice snapped me back to reality. “Don’t mind her. She likes to be the center of attention.”

Hannah huffed. “This group would be boring without me. There, I said it.”

Dropping into a seat beside her, Cal gripped her chin. “It’s a good thing I know how to silence that smart mouth of yours.”

Her face was turned away from me, but I could hear the sass in her voice. “Joke’s on you, big guy. That only incentivizes me to keep it running.”

Chuckling in my ear, Benji looped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer until I was leaning against him. “Even when those two hated each other, it was the best show in town.”

Dropping my head to his shoulder, I sighed. Stepping into Benji’s world had been nearly crippling with how intimidating it seemed from afar. I’d never expected the people he surrounded himself with to be so down-to-earth and jovial, welcoming me with open arms.

Maybe I’d finally found where I belonged, and this leap of faith to be with the man I loved would pay off.

Three glasses of champagne later, I found myself in need of the restroom. Excusing myself from the table after the rings were presented to the players, I went down a side hallway, pushing through the heavy door into the ladies’ room.

Enclosing myself in a stall, I relieved myself and was getting myself put back together when I heard voices.

“Did you see that woman Mills was with?”

Oh God. They were talking about me. I squeezed my eyes shut, silently wishing I was anywhere else.

“Yeah, what do you think he sees in her?”

My chest constricted, and I placed a hand to the side of the stall to stay upright. This was precisely what I had been afraid of. Benji’s friends had been nice, but I knew I looked out of place here.

“He’s only with her because of the kid. Eventually, he’ll get tired of her. How could he not?”

A harsh laugh sounded. “I mean, you can dress a heifer up all you want, but at the end of the day, they’re still a cow.”

“She must have been thin when he slept with her. Ugh, if that’s what happens to your body after you have kids, it’s not worth it.”

Tears leaked past my sealed eyelids. Every insecurity I’d had over getting back together with Benji came rushing to the surface. I was the convenient choice, the easy way to get to Knox. I’d been so unbelievably happy these past few weeks that I was able to ignore the reality of my situation.

The sound of heels grew distant, and a door slamming shut reached my ears. I had to get out of here.

Yanking the door open to the stall, I moved as fast as I could on shaky legs out of the restroom.

I didn’t make it far, barreling into someone right outside the door. Hands gripped my arms to steady me. Not bothering to look at who I’d crashed into, I mumbled, "Sorry,” trying to step past them.

Those hands tightened, and the voice of the only person I couldn’t bear to face right now said, “Liv, baby. What happened?”

A sob slipped past my lips as I tried to wrench myself from his grasp. Undeterred, he pulled me against his chest.

“Please, let me go,” I whispered, the words muffled with my mouth against his shirt.

“Not until you tell me why you’re crying.” His voice was soothing and firm at the same time. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

Daring to look at him, I pleaded with my eyes. “I just want to go home. Please.”

Benji loosened his hold enough that I could break free, booking it toward the elevators. I could sense him hot on my heels as he whisper-shouted, “Liv!”

I waved him off with a hand, not looking back. My heart beat wildly, and the tears wouldn’t stop coming. I needed to be alone to figure out what I was going to do.

A hand snatched my wrist, whipping me around. “Olivia, stop!”

The use of my formal name gave me pause. Benji only pulled that out when he was extremely pissed—using it to mock me—or when he needed to get through to me. In this case, it was the latter.

My body shook uncontrollably, and my fight-or-flight response activated. I wanted to run, but I knew that Benji would chase me down no matter where I went.

He led me to a small sitting area in the corner and eased me into a chair, kneeling before me. Cupping my cheeks, wiping away the tears that were quickly replaced with more, his lips turned down. “Talk to me, Liv. You’re scaring me.”

Barely above a whisper, I said, “I shouldn’t have come here.”

Tilting his head, he asked, “To the party?”

I shook my head. “No. To Connecticut.”

Jaw clenching, Benji gritted out, “What. Happened? I won’t ask again.”

Unable to look him in the eye when I said it, I dropped my gaze to the floor. “There were women in the bathroom. They were saying they couldn’t believe you were with someone like me.”

A growl rumbled from deep inside his chest. “They’re jealous.”

Shocked, I locked eyes with him. “Nobody has ever been jealous of me.”

Leaning forward, he placed a soft kiss on my lips. “You have something they want and can’t have. So, they say nasty things to try and feel better about their pathetic lives.”

I scoffed. “You’re just saying that.”

Gripping my chin, he made it so I couldn’t look away, asking, “Who am I here with?”

In a small voice, I said, “Me.”

“Whose fucking scent am I wearing like cologne tonight?”

Heat flooded my cheeks at the memory of the intimate moment we’d shared in the bathroom earlier that evening. “Mine.”

“Who do I love?”

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I let out a shaky breath. “They said you’re only with me because of Knox.”

His hand on my chin slid up my face, so his thumb caressed softly over my cheekbone. “It’s true. Without Knox, I wouldn’t be here with you now.”

Closing my eyes against the fresh wave of tears, pain crashed over me, hearing him admit they’d been right. That my worst fears had turned out to be true.

“Open your eyes, sweet Liv. I need you to look at me when I say this,” he commanded.

Compelled to obey, I opened my eyelids and found his intense gray gaze on me.

“Knox brought us back together, sure, but my stumbling upon him allowed me a second chance with you. I’m with you because I can’t help loving you.”

My heart was ready to believe him, but my brain needed to know for sure. “Are you sure it’s not because it’s easier?”

Benji chuckled. “Nothing about you is easy. And I mean that in the best way. You push me to be a better person, to be a better father. Choosing to fight for what we have is worth it. At least, it is for me.”

The tears had slowed, but fresh ones burned behind my eyes. “It is for me, too.”

Giving me a small smile, he stood, offering me his hand. “Then let’s go home. You’re more important than any of this.”

Pushing to my feet, I let him pull me close. Held in his strong arms, the fears melted away.

Benji believed in us. That was all I needed.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 27

Liv

“Babe, I left you a jersey on the bed. There’s one for Knox in his room, too.” Benji’s voice reached me where I sat in the kitchen, making a grocery list. Between the two boys, we were burning through food faster than I could blink.

“What?” I asked, focused on my task. Without fail, I always forgot to add something we needed and had to make a second trip.

Arms wrapped around my waist from behind as Benji’s face nuzzled against my neck. Sighing, I leaned into his embrace. There was nothing like the feeling of being held by him. It was a wonder I’d survived without it for so long.

“I’m headed to the game. But I left you and Knox Comets jerseys to wear.”

Oh no.

“That’s tonight?” I squeezed my eyes shut, praying I hadn’t gotten my days mixed up.

Pulling away, sensing something was off, he hedged, “Yeah . . . We talked about this.”

And we had, but the past couple of weeks had been so hectic. Pre-season was in full swing for Benji, Knox was settling in at his new school, and Natalie had set me up with a job at Hartford General. Our lives were busier than ever.

Knowing I’d messed up and nothing could be done about it, I turned to face Benji. The cautiously hopeful look on his face broke my heart.

Bracing myself, I said the words that would crush that hope. “Benj, my first shift at the hospital is tonight.”

His face fell, and he stumbled back a step, putting space between us. “But . . . Why? You knew this was my first time playing this season.”

“Pre-season,” I clarified, but as soon as the words had left my mouth, I instantly regretted them.

Benji’s gray eyes hardened, and I watched anger settle over his handsome features. “You’re right—it’s a meaningless practice game. Why should I care about you coming to see me play? It’s not like you’ve missed the last nine years of my career or anything.”

I flinched at his harsh yet true words. Quietly, I begged, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He flung his arms out wide. “Get upset about you putting everyone else first? Even strangers?”

“You know that’s not true.” I stepped toward him, but he retreated, keeping the distance between us.

He shook his head as a humorless chuckle fell past his lips. “No, but it is.”

My heart twisted inside my chest. His old hurt was rising to the surface, and it killed me to know that I was making him feel unwanted.

“I messed up. Somehow, I switched the dates in my head when giving my availability for the month. I’m sorry.” I prayed he could hear the truth in my words.

With his jaw set tightly, he gritted out, “Then prove it.”

I sighed. “How can I do that?”

“Call off. Come to the game.”

Rubbing a hand over my face, I tried to cover my frustration—with him and with the situation. He was acting like a child, but I couldn’t exactly blame him. It was the child inside him that needed me to put him first, to show him that I loved him and would be there for him no matter what. But as much as I wanted to, I had to be a responsible adult and uphold my commitments. It wasn’t as black and white as he might want to believe.

“Honey, I can’t. Natalie went to a lot of trouble to get my foot in the door. Besides, it’s my first shift, and I don’t know anyone yet that I could call to cover. I have to go.”

I saw the explosion before it happened.

“You don’t have to go! You choose to!” Benji roared. “Haven’t I proven that I can take care of you? That you don’t need to work?”

Breathing in deeply through my nose, I held myself in check. Even though I wanted to scream at him that my ability to continue working was part of the conditions of our moving here. And to demand to know why I couldn’t have something for myself, something that fulfilled me.

“I’m sorry.” It sounded hollow, and maybe it was. I didn’t want to fight with him. We’d done enough of that to last a lifetime.

Steely eyes bore into mine, and a muscle in his jaw twitched. “Not as sorry as I am.”

With that, he turned on his heel and left the house, slamming the door to the garage behind him. My whole body flinched at the sharp bang, and I collapsed onto the kitchen chair.

I’d known coming here wouldn’t be easy. I just hadn’t realized how tough it would be on my heart.

Trying to shove thoughts of Benj’s temper tantrum aside—and the fact that I’d been forced to call in a favor to have Natalie bring Knox to the game—wasn’t easy when every TV on the unit was tuned in to the Comets game. Apparently, this town loved their hockey.

I was checking in with my first-ever patient at Hartford General when the dad suddenly leapt to his feet, screaming, “Yeah! You get him, Mills!”

Whipping around, I stared at the wall-mounted TV as Benji pummeled a guy almost twice his size.

“Oh Lord, have mercy,” I breathed out.

He was still pissed at me, that much was clear. Hockey provided the outlet for his anger issues. Back when we were kids, that anger had been aimed at his deadbeat dad, but now, I was the one who had him boiling over on the ice.

The mom I’d practically abandoned chuckled at her partner’s reaction. When I turned back to her, she asked, “Hockey fan?”

Heaving a heavy sigh, I distractedly replied, “Something like that.” I wasn’t about to admit to sleeping with the guy currently fighting on live television.

She smiled. “Jim over there loves the Comets. Our first date was to one of their games. His life’s dream is to become a season ticket holder.” She rubbed her belly. “And to have this little guy make it big.”

That brought a smile to my own lips—thinking of Knox following in his dad’s footsteps—and I offered, “My son plays. Or is starting to play, I guess. His dad is handling all the details.”

“How old is he?” she asked before adding, “Please tell me he’s not two. Jim’s determined to strap skates on this kid’s feet the second he makes it out of the womb.”

A laugh bubbled up from my chest, and I shook my head. “No, he’s a bit older. Eight and a half.” I winked at her. “The half is important to them. Pro tip.”

The action on screen must have died down because Jim joined the conversation. “Eight, you say? You should try to get him on the Junior Comets. Might get lucky and have him placed on the same team as Jaxon Slate’s son.”

Smirking, I replied, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jim wasn’t done. “Man, I would kill to talk hockey with that guy. He sees the game like no one else.”

The mom, Grace, shook her head, saying, “He acts as though he wouldn’t be rendered mute if he crossed paths with the hometown hero.”

I shrugged. “They’re just people.”

“Maybe,” she mused. “But to him, they’re practically gods.”

Biting back a reply that they’re as flawed as the rest of us, I patted her hand. “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit. If you need anything, hit the call button.”

Walking out of the room, I leaned against the wall, needing a breather. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape Benji’s larger-than-life presence—even in the place that was supposedly my sanctuary. He’d leaked into every facet of my life when all I wanted was to maintain some semblance of an identity.

I wanted more out of life than being Benji’s woman. But he couldn’t see that.

I knew it wasn’t about control. Benji wasn’t that type of guy—at least, outside the bedroom. There was a deep-rooted need to take care of us because of how poorly he’d been cared for by the people who were supposed to love him. My pushback made him feel like less. And if the fight during the game was any indication, he was still angry, still hurt, that I’d gone to work instead of seeing him play.

We needed to have a talk when I got home.

Before I could ponder that thought further, there was a commotion down the hallway. Personnel rushed into a room where I could hear screaming filtering through the open door.

This Labor and Delivery floor was so much larger and busier than what I’d been used to at UP Gen. Not only did it boast thirty rooms, but each one was full. And from what I could gather, that was the norm. There wouldn’t be slow nights here, I could already tell.

Walking to the nurses’ station, I checked the monitors. The room lighting up with alarms wasn’t one of my patients, but I was on standby if they needed extra hands.

The lead nurse, Jackie, walked from the room looking frazzled. That was never a good sign, especially when the screaming hadn’t ceased.

When she reached the station, I couldn’t help but ask, “Everything okay?” even though it was clear it wasn’t.

Dropping onto a wheeled chair, Jackie sighed. “First-timer is struggling. Induction, so the contractions are strong, and she’s not handling it well. We’ve called for an epidural, but it could be over an hour. When she’s not screaming, she’s holding her breath, and that’s causing a lack of oxygen to the baby. We might have to intervene if we can’t get her to calm down and breathe.”

It was my first night on the floor, and I knew they didn’t know me well, but I offered, “Mind if I take a crack at it? I’ve been known to have a way with first-timers.”

Loosening her hair from a messy bun to fix it, she said, “Be my guest.”

Standing, I walked to the room, wincing against the near blood-curdling screams as they grew louder upon approach. Pushing through the door and moving the privacy curtain aside, the sight before me was heartbreaking. The mom was writhing on the bed in obvious pain as she thrashed from side to side, and her partner looked utterly defeated. His sad eyes looked up at me as I entered, silently pleading with me for help.

The couple was young, easily in their early twenties. It wasn’t lost on me that I wasn’t much older but considered them “young.” I guess having a kid at seventeen mentally aged you.

The birth experience was trying on any relationship. Some men rose to the challenge, becoming an incredible support. Some were completely aloof, expecting the woman to handle this part. Then there were the ones who held a special place in my heart, like the man staring at me now. He wanted to help and probably had tried at some point but didn’t know what to do.

Venturing closer, I dipped a washcloth into a cool basin of water, wringing it out, before using it to mop some of the visible sweat from the brow of the restless woman on the bed. Her screaming had turned to moans, and a glance at the monitors showed she was in between contractions. If I was going to get through to her, it had to be now before another came along.

“What’s your name, honey?” I asked in a soothing voice. When she didn’t respond, I addressed the man on the bench along the window, whose head was now dropped into his hands. “Hey,” I said sharply, causing his head to whip up. “What’s her name?”

“Megan.” The tortured tone of his voice matched his physical state.

Focusing back on the mom, I smiled gently. “Hi, Megan. I’m Liv. I came in here to see if I can try to help you.”

“It hurts,” she whined breathlessly.

“I know.” I brushed the damp hair away from her face. “I’m sure it’s scary, too. The first time usually is.”

Big blue eyes stared up at me, filling with tears, and she nodded.

“But today is your lucky day. Because I happen to know a super-secret trick that will help with the pain until they can get the anesthesiologist up here to see you.” She looked doubtful, so I reached into my scrubs chest pocket and produced a pair of barber combs. “These are for you. I want you to put them in your hands with the teeth facing your palm. When the next contraction comes, squeeze them tight.”

Megan took the combs, eyeing them before giving me a look that told me she thought I was full of shit. It didn’t bother me, though. I knew she’d be changing her tune shortly.

Placing them just so, I watched as her body tensed. A quick peek at the monitor showed another contraction ramping up.

“Squeeze them,” I instructed.

Megan’s knuckles turned white with the force of her grip, but her eyes widened in shock. “Oh my God,” she breathed. “It’s working!”

Smiling down at her, I replied, “Keep that up, and you’ll be just fine. The biggest thing is taking nice, slow, steady breaths. Can you promise to do that for me?”

She nodded, and I glanced over at her partner, now sagged in relief that the worst was seemingly over. “You make sure she breathes in for three, then out for three, you got it? Count it out loud if you have to.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he responded.

Confident I’d made a difference for this new family, I left the room with instructions to call the desk if they needed anything.

Back at UP Gen, I was known as the “New Mom Whisperer.” I didn’t know what it was, but I felt a kinship with those scared of the unknown. I cared for all my patients equally, but those new moms called to me. I wanted to make their first experience a good one. I knew most of them wouldn’t remember me once they left the hospital, but I prided myself on making even a tiny difference on the most special day of their lives.

This was my calling. I wasn’t ready to give it up.

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Chapter 28

Benji

“Didn’t you get the memo? There’s an unspoken agreement that we don’t fight in preseason.” Jaxon nudged me from where he sat undressing in his stall after the game.

I groaned. “Got into it with Liv before I left the house.”

“Uh-oh. What’d you do?”

Leveling him with a glare, I snarled, “Why does it always have to be my fault?”

Jaxon shrugged. “Because we’re the men. It usually is our fault on some level.”

Standing, I shucked off my jersey before unstrapping my elbow pads. “Not this time. She didn’t block out tonight when giving the hospital her availability. She was supposed to be here.”

That motherfucker looked me dead in the eye and said, “It’s pre-season.”

“Whose side are you on?” I shouted, drawing curious looks from around the locker room.

Raising an eyebrow, he remarked, “I didn’t realize I was taking sides. Merely stating a fact.”

“That’s exactly what she said,” I grumbled.

“And you don’t want to admit that maybe you overreacted because . . .”

Wrenching my shoulder pads over my head, I knew Jaxon meant well, but I was still upset. “Because it means she doesn’t care enough about me!”

Jaxon eyed me carefully. “Do you actually believe that? After she picked up and moved her entire life to be with you? To try and be a family? Come on. You’re smarter than that.”

Smarter had nothing to do with it. As much as I tried to deny it, I was damaged. I’d thought I had worked past my abandonment issues until Liv walked back into my life. Now I had something to lose, someone who could leave me, and it scared the living daylights out of me. The idea that I might not be enough for her cut me to the core.

“You can grovel tomorrow,” he said in a tone that made it clear he’d been in my shoes. “But for now, you better hit the shower. I have it on good authority that double trouble will be down here as soon as the press clears.”

Surprised, I asked, “Knox is here?”

“Where else would he be?” Jaxon looked at me like I was an idiot.

And maybe I was.

I’d stormed out of the house earlier, only thinking about myself. It hadn’t crossed my mind that with Liv going to work, there would be no one to watch Knox.

Fuck. Now, I did have something to grovel for when she got home in the morning. I’d left her in the lurch with our son.

I was a selfish asshole.

Just like that, I could hear Shane’s voice in my mind.

See? Kids are more trouble than they’re worth.

Shaking my head to clear it, I knew I had to be better. For both of them.

After getting Knox off to school, I sat at the kitchen island and waited. For what exactly, I wasn’t sure. For my execution? For my walking papers? For my absolution? Honestly, that was up to Liv. I could only plead my case as she served as judge and jury. She’d already cut me so much slack as I eased my way into fatherhood that I wasn’t sure if she had any left to give.

It would serve you right if you’ve run out of lives. You’re not a damn cat.

The garage door opener sounded, and I took a steadying breath.

Here goes nothing.

The connecting door opened, and the soft clinking of keys dropping to the table in the mudroom reached my ears. Liv was a creature of habit, and I knew she’d want a cup of tea after a long shift. It just so happened I had the kettle full and waiting for her arrival—a little pre-emptive strike on the groveling.

Looking at something on her cellphone, she didn’t notice me right away, so I softly announced my presence. “Hey.”

Startling, Liv looked up, eyes wild. Throwing a hand to her chest, she breathed out heavily. “Jeez, Benji. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Sorry,” I mumbled under my breath.

You’re going to have to do better than that. An apology doesn’t count if she doesn’t hear it.

Setting her phone down on the island, she leaned forward on her elbows across from where I sat. “Look, I know you’re upset with me, but I was exactly where I needed to be tonight.”

Sighing, I shoved off the stool and rounded the island to pull her into my arms, overwhelmed with relief when she didn’t try to push me away. “I had no right to be upset. You made a mistake—and if we’re splitting hairs, it barely qualifies as a mistake—but I made an even bigger one. Leaving in anger, not giving a second thought as to who was going to watch Knox. How can you ever forgive me?”

Looping her arms around my neck, a corner of her lips quirked up as her beautiful green eyes gazed at me. “We rushed into this arrangement.” When I stiffened, she clarified quickly, “And I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing but that there’s expected to be an adjustment period. We’re both learning how to live with each other, not just as partners but as parents. It’s a lot. I think the best thing we can do is offer each other a little grace.”

Pressing my forehead to hers, I asked, “How did you become so wise?”

Her soft chuckle soothed my frayed nerves. “Spent my fair share of Sundays in church, in case you haven’t heard. Sometimes, you can use those lessons, believe it or not. Forgiveness and grace are kinda big sticking points.”

Capturing her lips in a kiss, my world was suddenly set back to rights. Liv had no idea how much I relied on her centering energy.

Pulling back, I offered, “Tea?”

Nodding with a smile, she replied, “Please.”

Setting about the kitchen, getting the kettle boiling before pouring steaming hot water over a teabag and stirring in a teaspoon of sugar, I felt at peace. Who knew domestic life could be so calming? Certainly not me.

Placing the mug before her, I asked, “Rough night?”

“Not exactly,” Liv mused. Peeking up at me from the steam framing her face, she explained, “There was a new mom on the unit. She was in a bit of a panic, and when no one could calm her down, I stepped in and got the job done.”

While I was in awe of how she graciously helped others, it only reminded me that I hadn’t been there for her when Knox was born.

She must have seen the distress on my face because she reached up a hand to caress my cheek. “What’s wrong?”

Clearing my throat, I changed the subject, not quite ready to shine a spotlight on my failings as a father. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t known about Knox. I still had regrets about my absence in his life to this point. “Maybe it would help if we compared schedules to avoid any conflicts when it comes to ensuring Knox is covered. I felt terrible that Natalie took him on when she’s about to pop. She’s already looking after four of her own.”

Searching my eyes, Liv knew that wasn’t what was bothering me but didn’t press further. “That’s a good idea. We should probably look into some kind of nanny or babysitter, just in case.”

A thought came to mind. “What about when I’m on the road? Do they have people who can stay with him overnight?”

Liv blew out a breath. “Shoot. I hadn’t even considered that.” She offered me a smile. “See? Neither of us is perfect. But you make a good point. Night shift was easier back home because I had someone reliable to stay at the house while he slept, and I could make up my sleep while he was at school. Maybe it’s time to reconsider the day shift. It would lessen the time we need a sitter since he’s in school until the afternoon. When you’re home and don’t have a game, we wouldn’t even need the help. Just when you’re on the road.”

Taking the mug from her hands, I set it down on the island. Leaning in to nuzzle her neck, I said against her skin, “I like that idea for a lot of reasons. The bed was cold and lonely without you last night.”

Her light laughter flowed over me, a balm for my weary soul. “Lonely, maybe, but certainly not cold. You, my friend, are a human furnace.”

“So cold,” I murmured as my hands made their way down to her ass for a good squeeze.

Liv shoved against my shoulders. “Tempting, but I have to wash the hospital off me.” She wrinkled her nose. “You don’t even want to know the kinds of stuff I could be dragging home with me on my clothes.”

She was trying to put me off, but all it did was turn me on. Bending down, my shoulder connected with her middle, and I threw her over my shoulder.

“Benji!” she squealed. “Put me down!”

Slapping her ass, I growled, “You said it yourself—you’re a dirty girl. Time to get clean.”

Bracing her hands against my lower back, she allowed me to carry her up the stairs. I didn’t stop until I reached our master bath, easing her gently onto her feet. Opening the glass door to the shower, I turned on the hot water, and steam filled the enclosed space.

Turning back to Liv, she shook her head at me, the smile never leaving her face. My heart soared, knowing this was the woman I was always meant to be with, and somehow, I’d convinced her to become a part of my life. She was a dream I never wanted to wake up from, standing right before me.

Needing to convince myself she was real, I pulled her into my arms for a sizzling kiss. Melting against me, Liv opened her lips, allowing me to take charge.

She’s learning. Such a good fucking girl.

That thought alone was enough to have me achingly hard for her.

Teasing my tongue inside her mouth, I wanted to teach her to take what I offered. I might have begun this kiss with unbridled passion, but it was my prerogative to change my mind—and the pace—at any time. I swallowed her moans as I tasted her, the hints of sugar-sweetened tea lingering, serving as a reminder of her selfless nature. She cared for others, expecting nothing in return. If it took the rest of my life, I was determined to try to be the man worthy of her innate goodness. She was the light to my dark, the only thing keeping me from being pulled under by the demons of my past.

Sliding her hands into my hair, she tugged hard enough to break our connection. Green eyes full of fire, she stepped back. Reaching for the hem of her pale pink scrub top, she pulled it over her head. Licking my lips, I eyed her nipples straining against the fabric of her bra. My hands itched to touch her, but I kept them clenched by my side. I wanted to enjoy this emboldened version of Liv stripping for me.

She was coming alive before my very eyes, and I was here for it.

Both thumbs eased into the waistband of her pants, and she lowered them, folding her body in half before coming back up. Now clad only in her underwear, she bit her lip, almost as if uncertain about finishing the job.

Flicking my wrist, I gestured toward her. “Take it all off. I want to see every inch of your perfect body.”

A blush crept up from her chest, settling in her cheeks, and she dropped her gaze to the floor. I would tell her she was perfect every day—hell, every hour—until she believed it.

“Eyes on me,” I commanded.

There was a moment’s hesitation, but Liv’s eyes rose to meet mine.

Stalking closer, I doubled down. “No one makes me feel the way you do, pretty girl. You’re not just under my skin. You’re a part of my very soul.”

The words had barely left my lips before she pounced, lips fused to mine, hungrily taking what she wanted as she rubbed her nearly naked form against my clothed one. Who was I to deny her? Reaching my arms around her back, I flicked the clasp of her bra, but the fabric remained trapped between our bodies. Skimming my lips down her neck, it finally fell away to reveal her perky rose-tipped nipples.

When I pinched them between my fingertips, Liv’s head dropped back, her moans echoing against the bathroom walls. Reaching lower, I teased her panties down her legs, allowing her to kick them aside.

Breathless, she announced from above, “You have too many clothes on.”

“Nothing gets past you,” I said against her skin.

Too far gone in her lust, Liv could only whimper in response. I knew what she needed. She didn’t have to ask.

“Into the shower.” I stepped away from her body, my lips quirking up at her whine, her eyes still closed.

Don’t worry, pretty girl. I will always take care of you.

Tugging her hand, I led Liv to the open shower door, helping her to step inside. The water sluiced over her creamy skin as steam rose around her. She was a fucking vision with her head tilted back, her lips parted in pleasure at the caress of warmth surrounding her. If it weren’t for the insistent throbbing of my cock, I could have stood there and watched her all day.

Tearing off my clothes quickly, I joined her, reaching for a bottle of shampoo. Pouring the liquid into my hands, I massaged her scalp, working up a lather. Her moans became nearly pornographic, and I pressed my throbbing cock against her ass, grinding, seeking any tiny fraction of relief. I wasn’t going to last long with the sounds she was making.

Easing Liv’s head back, I let the water rinse the soap from her hair. Keeping my hands on her body, I followed the path of the water, going down, down, down until I reached her hips, teasing her legs open. Dipping a finger between her thighs, I teased her clit with a quick pass, and her body grew taut.

Jesus, was she that close already? I knew I was, but my experience told me it took more than a few kisses to get a woman off. Maybe it was the two of us together, our need for each other, our connection, heightening the pleasure we shared. Whatever it was, I knew I would never get enough.

One hand reached up to loop around my neck as she arched into my touch, hips rocking against my finger, which was barely moving. Pressing firmly, I brought a second finger to completely cover her swollen clit, whispering huskily in her ear, “Get yourself off. I’ll be right here to catch you when you fall apart.”

Even gripped by lust, Liv understood my meaning, and her hips jerked. Moving in different directions, she quickly found a pace that worked for her. Head lolling back against my shoulder, her panting punctured the steamy air surrounding us as she worked herself into a frenzy in my arms. Whining slightly, I could tell she was right on the edge, trying to reach the peak and struggling.

Never one to deny her pleasure, I used my free hand to tweak her nipple. Gently at first, I became rougher as it seemed to do the trick, and her body seized, back arching, ass pressed tightly to my crotch. Liv’s orgasm was silent, but her body trembled in my arms as pleasure stole over her, hips greedily searching for more.

Reaching back, I turned down the temperature of the water, close to overheating myself. Liv’s alabaster skin was rosy from head to toe, and I fought the urge to mark her again. The last one had faded, and I felt a primal need to warn every man in existence that she was mine and mine alone.

Lost in that thought, Liv caught me off guard. Turning in my arms, she shoved me against the marble wall of the shower, and I hissed as my heated skin met the coolness. Rubbing her slick body against mine, she trailed kisses down my chest, her hands exploring as she sank lower.

Closing my eyes, I reveled in the sensation of her hands and mouth. They popped open when I felt her firm grasp on my cock. Trying to focus with the lust gripping me in a chokehold, I frowned when I couldn’t immediately see her. I knew she was there; I could feel her hands on me.

Visually searching the shower, my brain finally cleared enough to glimpse down, and I about damn near swallowed my tongue when I caught sight of her on her knees, peering up at me through thick, black lashes. Her intent was clear as she licked her lips, eyes blazing.

As much as I wanted to feel her hot mouth on my cock—fuck, the mere idea had my toes curling against a wave of pleasure threatening to overtake me—I was too close to the edge and didn’t trust myself not to scare her. In my current state, it would be too easy to lose control, and I would rather die than hurt her.

“Liv, baby. Get up,” I begged.

Shaking her head, she countered, “I want to do this.”

I didn’t doubt that. My doubts lay in whether I’d be able to keep myself from shoving my dick so far down her throat she choked on it.

Reaching down, I tried to tug her back to her feet. “Maybe another time.”

“No.”

My focus sharpened with the use of that word. She knew better than that. This was my domain. I was the one calling the shots.

“No?” There was a hint of warning in my tone.

Narrowing her eyes, the defiant little vixen leaned in, wrapped her lips around the head of my cock, and gave a little suck. Staring up at me, she silently dared me to stop her.

“Fuuuuck,” I groaned, using every ounce of willpower to keep my body still.

Victory lit up in the depths of her beautiful green eyes. She attempted to take me deeper into her mouth, but halfway down my shaft, she stopped and pulled back. A little huff of frustration left her lips.

Smoothing the wet hair away from her face, I asked, “What is it?”

Nibbling a corner of her lips, she peeked up at me nervously. “Show me how to make this good for you.”

This fucking girl. She was going to be the death of me. Her eagerness to please me was almost my undoing.

“You want a lesson, pretty girl?”

Head bobbing, she breathed out, “Please.”

Growling, something inside me snapped. Gripping her hair in my fist, I yanked her head back forcefully.

“Open your mouth,” I commanded.

Liv parted her lips slightly.

“Wider,” I barked.

She followed my instructions beautifully. “Now, stick out your tongue. I want to be able to see down your throat. To get a good look at where I’m going to make a new home for my cock.”

Like the good girl she was, Liv stuck out her pink tongue with zero hesitation. Slowly, I fed my aching length into her waiting mouth. Her flattened tongue pressed tightly against the underside as I moved far enough inside that I could feel her involuntary swallow and decided to show restraint by not going deeper.

“Breathe through your nose,” I coached.

Lips closing around me, I watched her take a calming breath through her nose as her eyelids fluttered shut.

“That’s it. Nice and easy.” My voice was strained. I knew what she didn’t—I was a ticking time bomb. My release was imminent, and there was no telling if I’d be able to pull out of the warmth of her mouth in time.

“Now, hollow out your cheeks and suck, baby.” No sooner had the words left my mouth when Liv took a strong pull, and I was almost forced to abandon the whole thing before we’d barely begun.

Gritting my teeth, I kept a firm grip on her hair, helping to guide her head up and down my shaft. Her mouth was like a vacuum, and the sight of her on her knees, sucking my dick, would forever be burned in my memory. She was a goddamn goddess.

“Yes. Just like that. You should see how stunning you are swallowing my cock.”

Opening her jaw, she took me deep enough that a shallow gag sounded over the rush of water in the shower. Torn between needing to end this exquisite torture and wanting it to last forever, I let my head fall back against the marble.

“Moan for me, pretty girl.”

Liv followed my command, and her throat opened up, allowing me to sink further as her throat muscles massaged the sensitive head of my dick. It was heaven and hell all rolled into one.

Her moans grew louder, increasing the vibrations against my cock, and I could sense her shifting at my feet. This was turning her on.

This was my Liv. The one no one else would ever know. The siren who had compelled my attention since the first time she spoke to me. The one hidden behind the quiet persona. The one who gave before taking for herself.

My balls tightened, and I wrenched her mouth off with barely a second to spare, roaring as I came all over her chest. I might not have used my teeth this time, but she’d been marked nonetheless. My heaving chest swelled with pride. Liv had never looked more beautiful, painted with my cum, breathlessly staring up at me with smug satisfaction in her eyes, so pleased that she’d won this round.

I didn’t know how I’d gotten so lucky, but I wasn’t stupid enough to ask that question. I would take what the universe had offered me.

And right now, that was a second chance with Liv.

Clean and dry but still naked, I held the woman I loved in my arms in bed. Propped up against the headboard, I ran my fingers through Liv’s damp hair as hers grazed the knuckles of my free hand.

She sighed. “I saw the fight.” I grimaced as she added, “I don’t like being the cause of your anger.”

I hated that our fight had leaked over onto the ice. It had been over a decade since my real life had impacted my play.

Since entering the league, I’d gotten into my fair share of fights. They usually weren’t personal—someone bumped me wrong while I had too much adrenaline going, someone went after one of my teammates, or the cardinal sin of touching my goalie was committed. We were guys, full of testosterone, and shit happened. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it was quickly forgotten.

Last night was different. I had been itching for something to punch, and it was easier to hit someone where I was technically allowed to than to put my fist through another wall. Maybe some part of me had wanted to feel something, to get knocked on my ass. I’d purposely gone after the biggest guy on the ice. Honestly, I was shocked that I’d won. Not that it mattered. The root cause was my insecurity of not being enough for Liv, of her not choosing me. And I’d been a damn fool.

“It’s not you.” I heaved out a heavy sigh. “I’ve got shit I need to work through.”

She turned in my arms, her eyes full of hope. “Maybe it’s time to seek out counseling. You’ve been through so much. Your early life would be enough to warrant it, even before throwing in the events of the last few months. You can’t expect hockey to be your only form of therapy. It’s not enough.”

She was right. I knew she was. But the idea of opening myself up to psychoanalysis made my skin crawl. I’d been judged for my shortcomings enough to last me a lifetime. And I sure as hell didn’t need to pay someone to tell me my parents had fucked me up. I’d known that since I was ten.

Not wanting to refuse outright, I gave her a small smile. “I’ll think about it.”

Liv was smart—not only that, she was a mom—and could tell I was giving her lip service. Gripping my hand tightly, she offered, “I can go with you if you want. I’m sure there are things we could work through together.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Gazing at our clasped hands, I noticed her knuckles were almost as raw as mine. Bringing them closer for examination, I teased, “Tell me the truth. Are you reprimanding me for a brawl on the ice when you’re secretly getting into bar fights? Is that where you really go at night? I know you can’t tell me if you’re in any kind of club, but blink once for yes.”

Liv’s laughter floated over me. “Remind me. Have you always been this ridiculous?”

Shrugging, I replied, “Probably.”

Shoving my shoulder gently, she sat up but stayed tucked into my side. “Sorry to disappoint, but no secret fight clubs for this girl. Just run-of-the-mill cracked and bleeding knuckles from overwashing. It is funny to think we are sporting similar wounds from very different occupational hazards.”

Mention of her job had me wanting to know more about the person she was away from the house. “Tell me the craziest thing that’s ever happened at work.”

“Oh boy.” Liv blew out a breath. “I see a lot of crazy stuff.” She paused for a moment. “Well, this one time, I caught a couple getting it on in the hospital bed. I saw an elevated pulse rate on the mom and went to make sure everything was okay. You can bet I backed out of that room as fast as I could.”

What had started as a chuckle rumbling up my chest became a full-blown belly laugh. I could only imagine sweet, innocent Liv walking in on a couple having sex.

Gaining a few shallow breaths of air as her laughter mixed with mine, I managed, “I’m almost afraid to ask. Was it before or after?”

Liv shuddered in my arms. “Oh, God. Definitely before. I’ve heard mention of an orgasm helping to ease the pain, but I can’t say it ever crossed my mind when I was in labor. To each their own, I guess.”

My stomach twisted. I knew she hadn’t meant to stir up my constant regrets of not being there for her, but I couldn’t escape them.

Instantly sobered from the humor that had gripped me at her story, I asked quietly, “Will you tell me about the day Knox was born?”

Glancing over at me, she could tell I was hurting. Empathy shone back at me in her dazzling green eyes. “Don’t be sad. It was a happy day. The happiest of my life.”

“It might as well be the worst day of mine,” I muttered.

Smoothing the creases lining my forehead, she said, “Honestly, you should be glad you weren’t there. It’s a miracle I witness multiple times a week, but I can promise you it’s not exactly pretty.”

Liv was the second person to say that. Was this her way of saying she hadn’t wanted me there? That she hadn’t needed me? Just like she hadn’t “needed” me these past eight years of Knox’s life?

“I would have been there,” I whispered. “I should have been there.”

Giving me a sad smile, she nodded. “I know.”

“I don’t even know what I was doing that day.” My heart ached inside my chest. Most dads had these memories of becoming a father, and I had nothing—unless you counted the surprise of a lifetime inside a tiny rink in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. “My life changed forever, and I had no clue. Probably was carefree playing hockey while you dealt with it, scared and alone.”

Crawling into my lap, sensing I was about to spiral, Liv held me tightly for a few minutes. While there was comfort in her embrace, I still had gaping holes in my life that needed to be filled with information only she held.

“Tell me. Please.” My words were muffled by her hair in my face.

Pulling back to look at me, she cupped my cheeks, lightly kissing my lips before saying, “I might have been scared, but I wasn’t alone. Not in the end.”

Searching my eyes, she read me like an open book. Seeing that I needed answers more than anything, she began her tale.

“It was a Friday afternoon in early March. I was thirty-nine weeks pregnant and went to the bathroom between fifth and sixth periods. The second I lowered my pants, I felt a gush between my thighs. I would have thought I was peeing myself, but I couldn’t stop it. That, and I still had a full bladder. Freaked out, I weighed my options. I could go to the nurse and pretend to be sick, but that would make it hard to leave the house. So, I went with what I deemed the only choice. I decided to tough it out for the remainder of the day and try to convince my parents to let me have a sleepover. What I hadn’t counted on was how quickly the contractions ramped up after my water broke.”

Tightening my hold on her, pain flooded my body. It was as if my subconscious wanted me to experience what she’d felt since I missed it the first time.

Liv gave a wry chuckle. “For someone who didn’t have the luxury of attending any kind of birthing classes, I did a decent job of breathing through the pain for two hours before I made it home. No one had any clue what I was dealing with. Begging my mom to take the truck, I drove as fast as I could down to St. Ignace. UP Gen was where I found myself that day. Those nurses were so kind, never judgmental, and that stuck with me.”

“It’s why you went into nursing,” I mused.

“Exactly. One of them stayed with me, keeping me calm, advocating for me when I couldn’t for myself. Her name was Anna, and funnily enough, she became my lead nurse when I started working there. She held my hand, coaching me on when to breathe and when to push. The one encouraging me, telling me that I was almost there when Knox was crowning. And she was the one that cried happy tears with me when he finally made it out.”

My cheeks were wet, and I knew I was crying. While I was grateful someone had been there for Liv, it should have been me. I was mourning a piece of my life that I would never witness.

Liv gently thumbed away the tears. “Knox was perfect. Red-faced and screaming, and bald to boot, he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Still is.”

I couldn’t stop myself from saying the words I’d been beating to death since I found out about Knox. “You should have called me. If not when he was born, at least when I got my career going. By the time he was two, I was set. I missed so much time with him, Liv.”

“Every choice we make affects the eventual outcome. Would you change what we have now?”

She might have convinced me that my knowing about Knox from the start would have been the death of my career, but I wasn’t completely sold on the idea that coming to me at any point down the line would have ruined the relationship we once had, or the one we were rekindling now.

“Maybe?” I sighed. “What if we could have had all this sooner?”

Liv kept her eyes on mine, countering, “Or we could have resented each other.”

This conversation had gone round and round enough times to know there was no arguing with her on this point. Neither of us could undo the past, no matter how much we wanted to. Our only choice now was to move forward and try to learn from our mistakes for the future.

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Chapter 29

Liv

“All right, superstar. Do you remember what I told you?” Benji glanced into the backseat at Knox.

We were headed to the Comets’ practice rink near our gated community. Today, Knox would take the ice for the first time as a part of the Junior Comets youth hockey program.

Knox’s chipper voice said, “They don’t ask how. They ask how many?”

I held back a snort when Benji whipped around in his seat. “Who told you that?” He was not amused.

“Uncle Cal,” came the reply from the backseat.

Benji grumbled, “Unless you want a lecture from Aunt Hannah, you’ll forget he told you that.”

“I think what Dad’s trying to say is that hockey’s a team game,” I explained to Knox.

“Exactly!” Benji yelled, grabbing my hand and squeezing. “No one cares how many goals you score if your team loses. Selfish play can cost you and your teammates. I want you to focus on positioning yourself for the best opportunity. If your teammate has the puck, get open. If you have it and pressure is coming, make a pass. You don’t need to be the one scoring all the goals—assists are just as important.”

“Got it!” Knox exclaimed, and a peek back at him showed his head bobbing enthusiastically.

Our little boy wanted to make his dad proud. I knew he’d follow Benji’s instructions to a T.

Parking at the rink, Benji grabbed the bag of gear, which I could have sworn was bigger than our eight-year-old, while Knox carried his stick and water bottle.

Making our way inside, the place was packed. Benji had explained that Saturday mornings were for the 8U league, or “mites” as it was often called. The giant building boasted three sheets of ice, and you would think the place didn’t have locker rooms with how many parents were dressing kids in the lobby. It was noisy and overwhelming. I was grateful Benji knew where to go and what to do because I was instantly lost.

There was a check-in table off to the side, and that was our first stop. A perky brunette with too much makeup on for 8 AM on a Saturday sat behind it. Her blue eyes lit up at the sight of Benji, and she practically gushed, “Well, hello stranger. Fancy meeting you here!”

It was like I had been transported back to high school when Cassie Murphy had been all over him. Whoever this woman was, she wasn’t subtle. It was clear she wanted one thing: Benji.

“Hey, Cara. We’ve got a new recruit here,” Benji replied.

Cara’s eyes flicked to me with disdain before she put on a fake smile and spoke to my son. “You must be Knox!”

As oblivious as his father, he grinned at her. “Yep! That’s me!”

Standing, Cara turned around, bending in half so her ass was front and center. I had half a mind to cover Knox’s eyes. This woman was on my last nerve. Who did she think she was? I understood that Benji was a coveted hot commodity with the ladies, but she was openly trying to seduce him in front of his son, with total disregard for me standing there as well. Like I was invisible, insignificant.

Turning around, she held up a youth-sized jersey that was almost an exact replica of the Comets’ jersey design, the only difference being the word “junior” above the logo.

Winking at Benji, she addressed Knox. “I pulled a few strings and got you your dad’s number, eighty-eight. How fun is that?” Her voice rose in pitch, and I winced at the decibel. How did men find that attractive?

“So cool!” Knox looked at Benji, who smiled down at him.

Spinning the jersey in her hands, the nameplate was the final straw.

It read: Mills.

It was petty, I knew it was, but I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “Actually, it’s Mason.”

I could feel the blistering heat of Benji’s glare, and in my peripheral vision, I saw his fist clench by his side. There would be hell to pay later, I had no doubt.

“I am so sorry,” Cara crooned.

The look on her face, however, said it all. She knew exactly what she’d done. I was the one who had to produce his birth certificate for registration. Benji wasn’t listed on it. There was no mistake. This woman thought she was being cute, trying to pretend like I didn’t exist, that I was just an incubator, and Benji was a single dad. That he was free and available.

And I’d had enough.

Enough of women thinking they had a right to him because he was athletically skilled, good-looking, and now rich beyond most people’s wildest dreams.

Enough of being deemed not worthy enough to be his partner for whatever reason—be it my body type, my background, or the fact that I was “just” the mother of his child.

If this was what it took to stake my claim, then so be it. For the first time in my life, I was sticking up for myself.

Shooting me an annoyed look, Cara began folding the jersey. “I’ll get this fixed. We’ll put a rush on it.”

Benji and I spoke at the same time.

“Thank you.”

“It’s fine.”

Not wanting to give this woman the satisfaction, I bit my tongue, not wanting to cause a scene. Benji reached out a hand for the jersey Cara held. “Don’t worry about it. This one will work.”

Her face lit up, and she leaned over the table to hand it to him. Could she be any more obvious?

“Perfect!” she squealed.

Benji grabbed a fistful of fabric and would have stormed off if there weren’t so many people in his path. Knox and I followed behind him, nearly crashing into his back when he stopped suddenly before the hallway to the locker rooms. Tracking his gaze, I saw he was reading the electronic board listing each team’s rink and locker room assignments.

“Which one are we?” I asked, my stomach sinking at the view of his stony profile, the muscle ticking freely along his jawline.

He took off without sparing me a glance, and I barely heard his gruff words. “I’ve got to get Knox ready.”

Knox bounded after his dad, and I called after him, “Have a great game, squirt!”

Peering at me over his shoulder with a toothy grin, he shouted back, “Thanks, Mom!”

The board may as well have been written in hieroglyphics because I couldn’t make sense of the random combinations of letters and numbers. Great. Benji was pissed because I couldn’t control my jealousy, and now I had no idea which ice surface to find Knox on for his game. And over my dead body would I lower myself to asking Conniving Cara for help.

I wasn’t wholly convinced she wasn’t one of the women from the bathroom at the ring ceremony. Something about her voice had given me pause, setting me on edge. How many other women were out there, wishing and hoping our relationship would fail so they could swoop in and pick up the pieces?

Shaking my head, I put that thought out of my mind as I heard a familiar voice call out, “Liv! Over here!”

Relief washed over me when I turned to find two friendly faces—Natalie and Hannah.

Walking toward where they stood near a huge pane-glass window overlooking the ice, I tried to take a cleansing breath. We were here for the kids this morning. Whatever fight Benji and I were going to have later would have to take a backseat—it wasn’t going anywhere.

I had difficulty reconciling the two women I’d seen glammed up a few weeks ago with those dressed down for a youth hockey game. You’d think they had coordinated their look, both clad in thermal long-sleeved tops paired with puffy vests and leggings. The only difference lay in their footwear—Natalie was in fur-lined boots while Hannah wore flip-flops, which was odd for early October and a freezing cold ice rink. Their hair was pulled up into buns that looked messy, but I knew from my own failings that it took effort.

They were the epitome of what I would now refer to as “ice rink chic.”

Compared to them, I looked like a homeless person. I hadn’t thought much about my clothing this morning, but glancing down at my choices now, it was no wonder Cara thought she was a better fit for Benji than me. My top consisted of an ill-fitting Comets hoodie borrowed from Benji’s closet. It was too big in the shoulders and chest, where he was broader than me, but got caught up on my hips because that’s where I widened and he narrowed. A pair of faded, ripped jeans and years-old sneakers completed the look.

Hannah grinned at me. “How great is this? Jaxon’s mini and Benji’s mini playing together. I couldn’t miss their first game.”

Natalie smirked. “You know she’s excited when she’s out of bed before noon.”

“Noon?” My eyebrows rose.

“Living the kid-free dream.” Hannah sighed blissfully.

“Must be nice.” Natalie rubbed her belly. “I don’t think I could sleep till noon if I tried. This one’s got me up all night.”

Smiling at her, I remarked, “Any day now, I’ll bet.”

“Sooner, the better. It’s flown by, but these last few weeks seem to drag on forever.”

Cal walked up, with Charlie in one arm and a large fountain drink in the other, before passing it to Hannah. He winked at me. “She needs all the caffeine she can get, being up this early.”

Hannah took a sip, releasing an “ahh” when she came up for air. Tapping the inside of her elbow, she joked, “Hook me up to an IV infusion of diet cola, and we are good to go. You can do that, right, Liv? Being a nurse and all?”

We all laughed, and some of the tension from earlier left my body. I needed to remind myself that there were people in our corner. It was just that the number was significantly larger of those wanting to see us fail. I couldn’t let them get under my skin or into my head. They didn’t matter.

“Looks like they’re taking the ice for warm-ups,” Cal said, nodding toward the window.

Glancing over, tiny, equipment-clad hockey players were skating on the ice surface, which was split in half. Cal led the way through the door to the rink, where frigid air hit me square in the face, cutting through the thin material of my jeans. I should have had enough foresight to bring a blanket. This wasn’t my first time inside an ice rink.

Jaxon and Benji stood against the curved glass in the corner, and Cal joined them, passing Charlie off to her dad.

Peeking back, Jaxon’s face lit up with love for his wife, and he gestured to the stands. “Go sit. We’re gonna hang here. I’ve got Charlie girl.”

Relief flooded Natalie’s pretty face, and she breathed out, “Thank you.” Turning to me, she explained, “That one is tiny but fierce. She’s far too comfortable here—or any rink, for that matter—having been practically raised within these walls. When I tell her she can’t wander off, she has a complete meltdown.”

Hannah beamed proudly at the toddler. “That’s my girl. I was the same way.”

They moved to go up the ramp toward the stands, but I couldn’t help looking back. Benji’s jaw was still set tight in anger, and he refused to look at me, even knowing I was there.

I wasn’t blind to the fact that I’d reopened freshly closed wounds on both his pride and his heart over not being given the chance to provide Knox with his last name. This went deeper than just Benji and his boy. It was wrong of me to let my jealousy rear its ugly head, causing him pain and embarrassment.

My heart begged me to reach out and touch him, but I knew he was too angry right now. He needed a moment to cool down. Hopefully, watching Knox play would help calm him, and when we got home, we could talk it out and I would have my chance to apologize.

Sighing, I joined the ladies in the section of bench seating they had claimed.

Knox moved fluidly on the ice, taking practice shots on the kid strapped into goalie gear in net. He looked up to find me watching and gave a wave, which I returned. His smile stretched across his face, visible even from this distance and with a cage protecting his face.

“Liv, you’re shivering!” Natalie exclaimed. “Here. Share my blanket.”

Offering her a small smile, I allowed her to drape half of her plush blanket over my freezing legs. Peering over at Hannah, she seemed completely unphased by the temperature, even with her feet exposed.

“Aren’t you cold? Or at least, worried about losing a toe to frostbite?” I asked her.

Shrugging, she replied, “I’m desensitized to it. Either that, or I’m cold-blooded. Count’s still out.”

I thought she was crazy, but I kept that comment to myself.

The refs, who looked so young I doubted they’d driven themselves to the rink, dropped the puck, and the game began. Every two minutes, a buzzer sounded, indicating a wholesale shift change, four kids for each team. Benji had gotten a late start in playing, and I didn’t come to watch him until he was in high school, so this level of play was new to me.

It was fun. Some kids were more skilled on skates, while others struggled to remain upright. Some kids had better stick-handling skills, while others gave uncoordinated swings at the puck.

Then there was Knox and Beau, who had both. It almost wasn’t fair that the coaching staff had sent them out there together.

The first time Knox scored, I cheered, but soon after that, it quickly got out of hand. Thankfully, they weren’t keeping score because I began to feel bad for the other team. Our two were lighting it up. Even when they didn’t have the puck, they were skilled at taking it from the other team, leaving our goalie standing there bored. My cheering quickly tapered off.

Hannah, however, was louder than ever, screaming, “Take the body, eighty-eight!”

Natalie elbowed her. “Shh. They’re not supposed to be hitting each other.”

Never taking her eyes off the ice, Hannah replied, “Eh. I firmly believe they should be younger when they allow body contact. At this age, they’re mostly the same size, so there’s less risk of injury. Waiting until they’re teenagers is asking for trouble. You’ve got thirteen-year-olds the size of adult men out there with ones the size of kids. It’s dangerous if you ask me.”

Knox wouldn’t be tall if he were anything like his dad. “You may have a point,” I mused.

A hand swung across Natalie’s body, and I realized Hannah was reaching for a high-five. “See, Liv. I knew I liked you.” Slapping my palm against hers, she pulled it back, satisfied, explaining, “You see Cal over there?” I glanced over to where the guys stood. He was hard to miss, standing nearly a head above his teammates. “You’d never believe he was barely Benji’s size going off to college. Some kids are late bloomers. And giving boys carte blanche to hit when the testosterone kicks in? Recipe for disaster. Some of them don’t give a shit about where the puck is—they’re out for blood.”

She was making me slightly nervous about allowing Knox to continue playing to that point, especially if he was on the smaller side. Natalie, sensing my panic, placed her hand atop mine. “Don’t listen to her. She’s got PTSD about a cheap-shot hit Cal took during the playoffs.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I let out nervous laughter.

Smiling at me warmly, she responded, “Their dads will make sure they’re fully prepared. Benji’s one of the smallest guys on the team, but he knows how to get low and hip-check a guy twice his size. They’ll be fine.”

“Uh-huh.” I wasn’t so sure.

Hannah jumped up from her seat screaming when Knox made a tape-to-tape pass to Beau, and he buried it into the net. With two hands, she shoved Natalie’s shoulder, shaking her violently. “Did you see that?”

The forceful movement had Natalie bumping into me, and I tried to hide my smile when Natalie slapped Hannah’s hands away, annoyed. “We all saw it. Will you calm down?” She glanced around. “People are starting to stare.”

Scoffing, Hannah waved a hand around the rink. “Who cares? Those kids are putting on a clinic. Eighty-eight to twenty-three. You can’t tell me that doesn’t give you chills. Ten years until they’re doing it just like their dads.” She paused to breathe, having said all that in a single breath. “And that kick pass to himself by Knox? Whoa, baby! Kid’s a natural.”

“So I’ve been told,” I muttered under my breath.

The buzzer sounded, and the team celebrated with their goalie. Both teams lined up to shake hands on the ice before grabbing their water bottles from the bench and filing off.

Knox ran, skates and all, right over to Benji along the glass, and I could hear his excited voice from where I stood helping Natalie fold her blanket. “Dad! I did what you said. I passed to Beau, and he scored!”

Benji’s smile was tight, but he managed to nod and give Knox a fist bump to his gloved hand. Without a backward glance at me, he ushered him off to the locker room to change out of his gear.

I knew it was bad when Knox didn’t get his usual “superstar” treatment. Even when Benji was pissed at me, he never let it affect his rapport with our son.

It was going to be a tense car ride home.

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Chapter 30

Benji

Today was supposed to be great. It was one I expected to remember forever—my son’s first hockey game.

And fuck, had he been amazing out there. But any excitement I might’ve had over his on-ice performance was eclipsed by Liv’s pre-game power trip. As if I needed another reminder that Knox didn’t have my last name, she’d had to broadcast it in the place where I worked.

Judging by the way she had been glaring at Cara, Liv was jealous. But her claiming of possession had come at my expense. I wasn’t stupid. Cara had been openly trying to get into my bed for years, and she wasn’t exactly subtle about it either—not that I’d ever taken her up on her many propositions. I wasn’t dumb enough to mix business with pleasure.

Liv had nothing to worry about. Hadn’t I shown her how committed I was to her, to Knox, to building a life together as a family?

The night of the ring ceremony, I could understand. Those women had been directly attacking her. But today? Cara had been flirty at best but doing her job.

Was this going to happen every time a woman looked at me? What would happen when I went on the road? Would she have enough trust that I would remain faithful to her, no matter what doctored photos or fabricated stories popped up in the tabloids?

The ride home from the rink was short, but so was my fuse. I was ready to explode, and I needed to get out of this confined space with her riding in the passenger seat beside me.

My hand gripped the wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white.

Softly beside me, Liv remarked, “You’re mad.”

I didn’t dare look at her. I hadn’t once since she’d humiliated me at the rink.

“No,” I gritted out. “I’m fucking furious, Olivia.” I got a sick satisfaction from watching her flinch when I called her that. If she wanted to be a stickler for legalities, then fine. Let’s see how she liked it.

Liv peeked back at Knox, and I knew what she was thinking. I was a powder keg. One spark would set me off, and she didn’t want our son to see me that way. Neither did I, but I was walking a very fine line. My control on my anger was slipping by the minute.

“You couldn’t let it be, could you?” My words were clipped. “What harm would it have done?”

“That’s not his name,” came her whisper-quiet reply.

Four words. That was all it took for me to explode.

“You think I don’t know that?!” I roared. “Make no mistake, as soon as we’re married, that’s the first thing I’m going to fix.”

“No.” Liv’s voice was firm.

My head whipped to look at her for the first time in hours. Expecting a meek version of Liv, I encountered one with fire in her eyes.

Blood rushed in my ears. “No, to which part?”

“We’re not getting married.”

The theme of the day was technicalities for her. Sure, I hadn’t put a ring on it yet, but we both knew that’s where we were headed. I was all in. It was only a matter of time.

“Not right now, but you know what I meant.”

She chewed on her lip. “No. We’re never getting married.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” My voice echoed through the small space of the car.

Liv’s jaw tightened. “Language.” She threw a pointed look toward the backseat.

I let out a humorless laugh. “You’re worried about language right now? Did you wake up this morning and decide to blow it all up? What kind of invisible offense have I committed now? Because if this is about what happened with Cara, let me tell you—”

“It’s not about her. It’s about me.”

Narrowing my eyes, I shot back, “Care to explain? Because you’re not making any sense right now.”

She tried to take my free hand resting on the center console, but I wrenched it away. I didn’t want her to touch me while she broke my heart.

She sighed. “I don’t want to get married. To anyone.”

“Why did you come here, Liv? What was the point? I thought we had a future together.”

“We do! We don’t have to be married to be together. I love you, Benj.”

The fear and anger I’d tried desperately to keep buried down rose to the surface.

“No!” I screamed. “You’re keeping your options open, keeping yourself free and untethered to me.”

“That’s not it at all. Please, let me explain,” she pleaded.

I pulled the car to a stop in our driveway. “Get out of the car,” I gritted out through clenched teeth.

Liv shook her head. “No. I want to talk about this.”

“Well, I don’t. So get out of the car. Now.” There was a lethal edge to my voice.

Swallowing, her green eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “Knox, let’s go inside.”

“Dad?” Knox’s voice sounded small, unsure. And I hated myself for scaring him.

Closing my eyes, I couldn’t bear to see the hurt and disappointment on his face. “It’s okay. I just need a minute. Go with Mom.”

The sound of him unbuckling was deafening in the silence that engulfed us. Then, the back door opened and closed, Knox heading for the front door.

“Benji?” Liv’s hand touched my arm, and I jumped back like I’d been burned. Her sniffles reached my ears, but I was too far gone to care.

“Out. Liv.” I needed to get out of there before I said something I couldn’t take back.

The passenger door opened but didn’t close. Glancing over, her upper body leaned into the car. “Don’t do this.”

“You have a real knack for upending my life. I need some space. Back up before I run over your foot. I won’t ask again.”

A tear leaked from her eye, and even in my rage, my heart twisted. Without another word, she closed the door and stepped away.

Slamming my foot down on the accelerator, I peeled out.

Finally alone, I let out an unfiltered scream. Taking a deep breath, I repeated the action until my throat was scratchy and raw.

I should have never gone back to Wardale. That had been my first mistake.

I’d been great before I set foot in that town. My life had been amazing. My demons were locked away, and I was on top of the world. I had everything I’d ever wanted.

Except for the little boy who looked at me like I was the reason the sun shined every day. Or the woman who drove me so crazy sometimes that I couldn’t see straight, but I loved her anyway—so much so that it would kill me to lose her.

Merging onto the highway, I drove too fast, letting the Connecticut landscape pass by in a blur. Racing toward an unknown destination—or rather, none at all—an alternative reality flashed through my mind.

What if I hadn’t gone back? What if Knox came to find me once he turned eighteen and learned the truth about who he was?

I would have only known the little boy who instantly captured my heart from pictures. As it stood, that was all I had of him from the time he was born until now. It gutted me only being able to experience his younger years while flipping through a photo album or hearing his birth story second-hand.

If I’d dug my heels in and refused to return to Michigan, I would have lost even more.

There was no winning scenario. I would be in pain no matter how it went, whether I’d found Knox now or later.

What had I done wrong in a past life to make my family life in this one so difficult?

Hours later, long after it had grown dark, I found myself back at the front gates of our community. Pulling through them after entering the keycode, I didn’t turn left toward home. Instead, I turned right, driving on autopilot until I reached a familiar house.

Killing the ignition, I sat in silence for a moment before opening my car door and walking up to the massive double doors decorated for the fall season.

Knocking gently, I wondered if disturbing this happy family with my own drama was too much. Thinking better of it, I turned on my heel just as the door opened and a familiar voice called, “Benji?”

Running a hand through my hair—not for the first time since Liv had dropped her bomb on me—I spun around to face Natalie standing in the open doorway in her pajamas, clutching a cardigan to her chest against the chill of the night.

Sighing, I apologized, “Sorry. It’s late. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

With one hand on her belly, the other gestured for me to enter. “Think nothing of it. You wouldn’t be here at this hour if it weren’t important.”

Hanging my head, I followed her through the door as she closed it quietly behind me.

Peering up at me, her warm brown eyes searched my face. “Everything okay?”

I shook my head and replied, “I don’t think so.”

Without warning, she wrapped her arms around me, pulling my body into hers for a hug. It was a little awkward with her belly in the way, but this was what Natalie did best. She was the mom of the group. And until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much I needed human contact.

Tightening my hold on her, I whispered into her hair, “Thank you.”

Pulling back, she gave me a small smile. “I know it won’t fix whatever is wrong, but know that you have people who care about you. Whatever you need, we are always here for you.”

“Jaxon’s lucky to have you,” I mused.

Squeezing my arm, she replied, “No. I’m the lucky one.”

Maybe that was what made their relationship so strong. They both thought they’d won the jackpot with each other. I felt that way about Liv, but clearly, she didn’t feel the same.

“He’s out on the deck, getting a fire going. You should join him,” Natalie offered.

“You sure you don’t mind?”

“Nah.” She rubbed her belly. “It’s probably better if I try to get some rest.”

Leaning down, I kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Nat. And let me know if there’s anything you guys need these next couple of weeks. I’m right down the street.”

Her arms came around my neck, giving me another quick hug. “I like grown-up Benji.”

If only she knew how childish I’d acted today, she wouldn’t like me so much.

Bidding each other goodnight, I made my way to the glass doors leading out onto the deck, where Jaxon was tending to a decent-sized fire in a pit in the center.

Glancing up to find me joining him instead of his wife had one of his dark eyebrows raising. Straightening up, he said, “Hey. What are you doing here?”

Shrugging, I dropped onto one of the padded patio chairs. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

Jaxon blew out a breath. “This have anything to do with why you were in a mood earlier?”

“You could tell?”

Letting out a snort, he replied, “You’re not exactly the best at hiding your emotions.”

“I think I really fucked it up this time. And the worst part? I’m not even sure what I did.”

Eyeing me carefully, Jaxon held up a finger. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.”

Slipping into the house, he returned a few minutes later with a bottle of brown liquor and two glasses. Placing them on the glass patio table, he poured us a drink and handed me one.

Taking a sip, I recognized it as scotch and welcomed the burn as it slid down my throat. Tipping my glass in Jaxon’s direction, I asked, “You sure you should be drinking with Nat upstairs ready to pop?”

He merely smirked. “You can be my stand-in. She won’t notice the difference.”

“Ha. Ha. Very funny,” I deadpanned.

“You going to tell me what happened? Or are you planning to deflect all night?”

Leaning back in my chair, I swirled the glass, letting the light from the fire illuminate it in yellows and oranges. “When they handed Knox his jersey this morning, the nameplate read Mills, and Liv was real quick to correct them that his last name was Mason.”

“Okay . . . His last name is Mason.” Jaxon pointing out the obvious wasn’t helping.

“I get that. But what I don’t understand is why she had to make a big deal about it. Who was it hurting to let him wear my name on the ice, to let him be my legacy?”

Jaxon sighed. “The name doesn’t matter, man. He’s your son. You know it, and he knows it.”

I scoffed. “Real easy to say for the guy with all four kids sharing his last name. Biological or not.”

Leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees, Jaxon said, “Do you think I would love those kids any less if their last name were still Remington? It’s just a fucking name. Now cut the shit, and tell me what really has you so upset.”

Tossing back the entire contents of my glass, I had to fight not to cough against the burn. My voice was strained as I replied, “She doesn’t want to marry me.”

Jaxon’s eyebrows shot up. “You proposed?”

“No. But she made it pretty clear that marriage is off the table.” Resentment colored my words.

Tilting his head, he asked, “Why?”

I flung an arm out to the side, shouting, “Hell if I know!”

Sitting back, Jaxon saw right through me. “You didn’t ask, did you?”

“What does it matter? She doesn’t want me. Plain and simple.”

Sipping his scotch, he said, “You know, there was a time when Natalie didn’t want me. But you know what I did?”

“Knock her up?”

“You want advice, or do you want to be a smartass?” Jaxon challenged.

“Fine,” I huffed. “What did you do?”

“I was there for her and those kids every single day. She was everything I always wanted, and I never gave up on her. She was worth fighting for. So, you need to ask yourself, is Liv worth it? Can you swallow your pride and go home to work through whatever underlying issues you both have? If she’s the one, like you claim she is, you owe it to yourself to give it everything you’ve got. If she’s not, maybe make a clean break now. Whichever path you choose, it’s not just the two of you. You have to do the right thing for your son, and if that means working together, not as a couple, then so be it.”

The thought of letting her go made me physically nauseous. And it had nothing to do with not seeing Knox every day. Liv was where it had all begun, and I didn’t want to see our relationship end. That’s why I’d lost it earlier. Without sealing our bond legally, she could walk away at any time. And the longer she was in my life, the more broken I would be when she left.

“I think you need to go home.” Jaxon’s words jarred me from my thoughts.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I think you’re right.”

For better or worse, I needed to hash this out with Liv. I just wasn’t sure I was going to like the outcome.

Pulling up at home, I realized how late I’d imposed upon Jaxon and Natalie. It was approaching midnight as I parked in the garage and made my way into the darkened house. Using the flashlight on my phone, I walked through the mudroom and into the kitchen, stopping at the fridge for a glass of water. A sigh of relief rushed past my lips at the contact of the cool water. My throat was raw, both from screaming and from the scotch Jaxon had supplied.

I had made up my mind that even if she were sleeping, I wouldn’t be able to until we figured things out. Halfway up the stairs, I saw a body curled up on the couch in the family room below.

Liv.

She must have been waiting up for me and fallen asleep. It had been an early morning, and I was sure she was emotionally wrung out from our fight. I knew I was.

Reversing direction, I walked down the staircase, sitting on the couch beside her head. Pushing the hair away from her face, I whispered, “Liv.”

Stirring slightly, she murmured in her sleep, “Benji?”

“Yeah.” I dreaded having this conversation, but it was agony not knowing where we stood.

Rousing, she pushed up to a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Where did you go?”

“Drove around. I needed to be alone.”

Liv blinked up at me. “I wish you would have stayed.”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t fit to be around you or Knox.”

Reaching up both hands, she cupped my face. “Talk to me. Please.”

Ashamed, I dropped my gaze, afraid that if I looked directly at her, she would be able to see that the demons of my past had risen to the surface and threatened to drag me down into the depths of despair.

“This isn’t just about the name, is it?” she asked.

Pulling back, I rose to stand, my temper flaring at the memories of earlier that day. “It was until you said you never wanted to marry me.”

Needing an outlet for my frustration, I began to pace.

Liv tried to explain. “After what I went through with Knox and everyone having an opinion on how I’d done everything the ‘wrong way’, I decided a long time ago that I didn’t want to be tied down by societal norms.”

“What I think is that you don’t want to be tied down by me,” I shot back.

Standing, she took a step toward me. “That’s not true.” Liv reached for me, but I pulled back. “I think you’re forgetting that I’m the only person currently in your life who has seen you mask hurt with anger before. Tell me, Benji. I know there’s something more here. I can’t help you if you throw up your walls.”

Balling my fists, I couldn’t hold back any longer and cried out, “If we’re not married, there’s nothing keeping you here!” My entire body shook with that admission.

Slowly, Liv made her way to where I stood rooted to the spot. Taking my hands in hers, she pried open my fingers until she could lace hers between them. “Marriage isn’t a guarantee. They fail all the time. A ring and a piece of paper aren’t what keeps couples together.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I whispered, “One day, you will wake up and realize what I already know—that you’re too good for me. And then you’ll leave me.”

“Oh, Benj. Open your eyes.”

Shaking my head, I couldn’t bear to look at her.

“Honey. If you believe that, then you haven’t been paying attention. Think about our arguments in the past, even today. Who is the one who always runs away? It’s not me.”

The truth of her words hit me with the force of a sledgehammer to the chest. She was right. I was the one running when it got hard, when I couldn’t find a way to calmly express my feelings. Suddenly, I was right back at that fire station, watching the man who was supposed to love me unconditionally drive away like a bat out of hell.

A sob slipped past my lips, and I collapsed onto the ground as the weight of his abandonment settled over me.

“Why didn’t he want me?”

I would burn down the world for Knox. I was willing to give up everything I’d spent my life working toward so I wouldn’t have to leave him. So, what made me so unlovable that he couldn’t bear to deal with me a moment longer?

Liv pulled me into her arms, letting me cry. “It’s his loss,” she whispered, tightening her hold. “He’ll never get to know the incredible man you turned out to be. The loving father you are despite him. But we do, me and Knox, and we are going to choose you every day for the rest of our lives.”

I’d never come to terms with Shane abandoning me, and it was negatively affecting my family. I was done letting him have control over my life when he was nowhere to be seen and hadn’t been for over a decade.

Wiping furiously at the tears that wouldn’t stop streaming down my face, I said, “I think it’s time to get help. I can’t keep holding onto this anger.”

Liv dropped a kiss on my lips. “You’re a good man, Benji. It’s time to let go of the past. And I will support you in any way that you need.”

In complete awe of the woman who had chosen to be with me, even with all my flaws, I knew this was where I was meant to be. She’d always been my beacon of light, and now, she was my home. It was on me to keep her in my arms, in my life, and if that meant battling my demons, conquering them for good, then it would be worth any suffering that arose as a result. She was worth it. She deserved the best version of me. Knox did, too.

Almost as if thinking of my boy was enough to summon him, I heard a sleepy voice call from the second-floor landing, “Dad? You’re home?”

Before I could find my voice, Liv said, “Sweetheart, go back to bed. You can talk to Dad in the morning.”

No. I couldn’t stand the thought of him going to bed worried that I might be upset with him after the way I’d stormed off this morning.

“Come on down, bud.” My voice was hoarse from crying, and Liv placed a reassuring kiss to my cheek.

Wearing cartoon pajamas, Knox descended the stairs, stopping when he found us on the floor. Brow wrinkling, he asked, “Why are you on the ground?”

Holding my arms open so he could crawl into my lap, I hugged his small body. “Grown-ups are silly sometimes, huh?”

Pulling back, his gray eyes locked with mine. “You ran away,” he accused.

Nodding, I confirmed, “Yeah, I did.”

“Were you trying to make Mom scared like when I ran away?”

I shook my head. “I think I was the one who was scared.”

Tilting his head, he mused, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

I cracked a smile for the first time all day, and laughter rose from my chest. “You’re right. It doesn’t. But I promise to do better. Because we are a family, and that means we should lean on each other instead of trying to handle everything on our own. We are like our own little team.” Peering at Liv, I saw her green eyes grow glassy. “I’m never running away again.”

Knox yawned loudly, his words muffled as he buried his face into my chest. “I love you, Dad.”

Holding him close, tears threatened behind my eyes once more. This little boy in my arms gave love so freely, and most days—like today—I didn’t feel like I deserved it. But he loved me anyway.

That was what family was supposed to be like. It may have taken twenty-six years, but I’d finally found mine.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 31

Liv

When I opened the door, an enticing aroma filled the house. Sighing, I dropped onto the bench in the mudroom and removed my shoes. Twelve hours on your feet wasn’t always a picnic, but I loved my job. Standing, I stretched my whole body, relishing the sound of several vertebrae cracking, providing relief to my tight back.

Moving down the back hallway, I found myself in the kitchen, where Benji stood at the stove, working on whatever was for dinner.

It had been a month since Benji’s midnight breakdown when he’d accepted that he could no longer let his past influence our future and decided to seek professional counseling. And our home life had never been better.

He’d asked me to attend a few sessions with him, and we discovered that finding out about Knox had been a catalyst. Becoming a parent had put a giant spotlight on Shane’s abandonment, dredging up the past.

Our joint sessions were good. We were identifying Benji’s triggers so I could actively work on avoiding actions and phrases that might bring up his past trauma. Neither of us were perfect—we still had rocky days—but we were better at identifying the root of the issue to diffuse arguments before they went nuclear.

Benji had shoved down his abandonment issues by keeping the people in his life at arm’s length—if they didn’t get close enough, they couldn’t hurt him. But Knox, and me by extension, coming onto the scene had given him something to lose.

He also struggled with feeling unworthy of love. He couldn’t understand how I could love him when his own parents hadn’t. As a family, we vowed that no matter where Benji was traveling with the team, we would always take a moment to share one thing we loved about each other at the end of the night. Love was found in the little things, and we were learning that together.

Speaking of little actions of love, I walked up behind Benji, sliding my arms around his waist and hugging him with my face pressed against his back.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Benji stepped away from the hot stove, turning in my arms to give me a soft kiss. “Did you have a good day?”

Melting into his embrace, I replied, “Busy one. With all those Valentine’s Day babies coming due, November usually is.”

He chuckled. “Just means more Comets fans in the world.”

I rolled my eyes. “Do you ever not have hockey on the brain?”

Leaning close, he whispered, “Only when I’m balls deep inside you.”

Blushing, I glanced over my shoulder to ensure Knox wasn’t within earshot. The one thing that hadn’t taken a hit while Benji healed emotionally was our sex life—that man was insatiable. I’d taken to hiding my phone at work with some of the filthy things he texted during the day when he was missing me. Then there was the phone sex on the nights when he was traveling. Getting off at the same time as your partner while being hundreds or thousands of miles away was more exhilarating than I could have ever imagined.

“Go take a shower. Wash off the day. Dinner in twenty.” With that, Benji dismissed me to prepare for our family dinner, turning back to the stove.

I had to admit, the day shift had its perks. We could eat together most nights when Benji wasn’t on the road. And there was something to be said about days off when you and your significant other had the house to yourselves while your child was at school.

Hopping into the shower, I was starting to see why Benji had been so adamant that we could have lived this life sooner. It was cozy, comfortable, and all ours.

We couldn’t change the past, but I was excited for our future together.

Sharing a bottle of wine, we stared at the late-fall sky as a fire crackled in the middle of our master suite balcony. Benji held me in his arms on the cushioned outdoor chaise lounge, and the alcohol aided the fire in keeping us warm.

Benji’s hand skimmed under my oversized sweater, and he groaned when he discovered I wasn’t wearing a bra. I didn’t know why he was so surprised. I hardly ever did at home—my itty bitties didn’t need the support, so why torture myself?

Rolling me beneath him on the chaise, he captured my mouth, hungrily sliding his tongue inside while hitching one of my thighs around his jeans-clad waist. Grinding his pelvis into where I lay open for him, he swallowed my moans as his hard length rocked against my core.

Tearing my lips from his, I was breathless. “Please, Benj. I need you.”

Dipping his head, he nipped at my lower lip, tugging it between his teeth. “I know you do, pretty girl.”

Arching my back, I tried to eliminate any remaining space between us. “Don’t make me wait,” I begged.

Smirking down at me, those liquid pools of silver burned straight into my soul. He tsked. “Oh, sweet Liv. I know I taught you better than that.”

I couldn’t stop the whine that flew past my lips. He loved to tease me until I was a mess, begging for him to put me out of my misery.

Shoving my sweater up enough to bare my breasts, he took his time, teasing each stiff peak with his teeth until I was writhing beneath him, the pulsing between my thighs threatening to drive me insane.

Chuckling at the way I rocked against him, desperate for relief, he eased my top all the way off before leaning on an elbow beside me. His free hand dipped beneath the waistband of my leggings, and my hips bucked, searching for contact.

“Is this what you need, baby?” He teased one finger through my slit, gliding effortlessly with how wet I was for him.

Throwing my head back, I breathed out, “More. Please.”

Barely audible over the blood rushing in my ears, he spoke to me in calming tones. “Patience, sweetheart. You know I’ll make you feel good. I always do.”

Benji had never left me unsatisfied, but I couldn’t wait tonight. Deciding to take matters into my own hands—literally—I skimmed a palm down his chest until I reached the bulge in his jeans. As I stroked it over the thick denim, Benji let out a hiss, but my victory was short-lived.

Flipping me onto my stomach, Benji wrenched the stretchy black material down my thighs, and I was met with the cool night air caressing my overheated flesh. My panties became a casualty of my disobedience as I felt them grow taught against my skin before the sound of ripping fabric rent the air, and I was left completely naked, face-down on the lounge.

“Ass up,” Benji growled from behind.

I scrambled onto my knees, and he kept a hand between my shoulder blades, forcing my face to remain against the cushions.

“There it is.” Gripping two handfuls, he squeezed my cheeks hard, and I rocked back, silently daring him to dig his fingers in deeper. What did it say about me that I loved when he left bruises on me?

He gave it a sharp smack, and I moaned.

“Fucking love this ass.” He might be the only person on this earth who did, but that made him perfect for me. What I saw as physical flaws, he considered assets.

The sound of his zipper lowering almost caused my knees to buckle. Frantically needing our bodies to be joined, I wiggled my butt from side to side in anticipation.

Fingers probed at my entrance, dipping inside so slowly that I arched my back, trying to take them deeper.

“Hmm,” Benji hummed behind me. “Not sure you’re wet enough to handle me yet.”

He was teasing me. My inner thighs were slick, coated in my arousal.

Thrusting his fingers into me roughly a few times, he pulled his hand away seconds before his cock slammed home in one stroke, and I bit my lip to stop from crying out. This angle was deep, almost too deep.

A hand in my hair pulled slightly, turning my face to the side as Benji’s body curled over mine, his breath hot in my ear. “Don’t you dare try to keep quiet. I want to hear you screaming so loud when you come on my cock that we get a noise complaint in the morning from the HOA.”

Panting as he ground his hips into mine, I asked, “What about Knox?”

Raising back onto his knees behind me, Benji gave a shallow thrust, but it hit the perfect spot, and I let a low groan slip into the night air.

“That kid could sleep through a tornado ripping through the house. And if he doesn’t, I’ll explain we were making him a baby sister.”

Benji picked up the pace, and all coherent thoughts fled my mind.

Turning my head to look back at him, I asked, dazed, “What?”

Giving me a wicked grin, he confessed, “I tossed your birth control.”

Gritting my teeth as he continued to slam into me, I forced out, “I’ve been looking for those pills all week!”

A dark laugh left his lips as he pushed in deep and rotated his hips, grinding into me. “Yeah, I know. It was kinda adorable watching you beg me to come all over your pretty body instead of filling your perfect pussy.”

My jaw dropped. “Are you out of your mind?”

He shrugged. “The only reason I granted your request was that I wanted you to be fully aware of what I’m doing. I figure a week is long enough for whatever was in your system to have worn off, don’t you think?”

Was this really happening? He wanted to get me pregnant? Now?

Stilling his body, Benji eyed me. “Say the word, and I’ll pull out again. If this isn’t what you want . . .”

I had only one question. “Why?”

Shifting behind me, he resumed slow, steady strokes that threatened to have me seeing stars in no time. “The way I see it, if I keep you pregnant, you’ll never be able to leave.”

Frowning, I replied, “I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jaw clenched, he gritted out, “Then let’s call it insurance.”

“I’m sure Dr. Lawrence wouldn’t exactly deem this as ‘healthy’ behavior,” I teased.

Eyes sparkling in the firelight, he shot back, “Who’s in charge in this room?”

Arching an eyebrow, I mused, “Playing a little fast and loose with the word ‘room’ these days.”

That earned me another crack to the ass, and I jumped.

“Give me your answer. Yes or no, pretty girl?” he demanded, voice gruff.

I had everything I’d ever wanted. So why not go for broke and attempt to add to our already perfect family?

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Right answer.”

Fingers tightened their grip on my hips, and Benji pounded into me, the sound of our flesh colliding drowned out by the screams ripping their way up my throat. With this speed and angle, it felt like he was going to split me in two, but I loved every second of it as I coiled tighter and tighter with each thrust.

Snaking a hand around my waist, Benji strummed fingers against my clit, and I exploded, my body shaking violently with the force of my climax, my voice growing hoarse as Benji continued his relentless rhythm.

As I sagged into the cushions, Benji stilled, grunting loudly as he emptied himself deep inside me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he turned us to lay on our sides so he was spooning me.

When he kissed my sweaty shoulder, his breathing was ragged. “Thank you.”

Turning back, I offered my lips up for a lazy kiss. When we broke free, I asked, “For what?”

Nuzzling his face into my hair, Benji whispered, “For everything. For my career. For loving me. For Knox. You’ve given me so much.”

Snuggling deeper into his embrace, I relished the comfort of his strong arms holding me tight. “Even when you weren’t there, you were always in my heart. My love for you was kept alive through Knox. He’s the gift. I should be thanking you.”

I felt wetness along my back. Benji was crying. “You two are my life.”

Turning in his arms, I wiped away the tears. “And you’re ours.”

Hugging me tight to his chest, he whispered the words I would never grow tired of hearing. “I love you, Liv.”

Smiling against his skin, I said, “And I love you. Always have and always will.”

God, the road had been so long—and often lonely—getting to this point, laying in the arms of the man I’d loved since I was sixteen. But I would do it all over again. He was worth it. What we had together was worth it.

And I thanked whatever guardian angel had guided him back home after all those years for putting him and Knox in precisely the right place at the right time.

The surprise for the sniper had been the start of the rest of my life.

OceanofPDF.com

Epilogue

Liv

Three Months Later

I hated running late. Typically, I was clocking out right at seven, but I couldn’t very well leave a mom in the middle of a marathon pushing session. Poor thing had gone for three hours before she delivered.

Quickly changing out of my scrubs in the on-call room, I threw on jeans and my Comets jersey, and hustled my butt to the arena. Parking in the attached garage, I flashed my access badge to the security officer and took the elevator to the club level, where the players’ family box was located. I’d already missed warmups, so I wouldn’t see Benji until after the game.

Pushing through the door into the familiar space, filled with people I now considered family, I took a deep breath. Now, I could finally relax. Well, at least my body could. My mind would be focused on the game as the Comets were in the midst of their playoff push. Every game from now until early April mattered for seeding. Expectations were at an all-time high for the reigning champs to repeat.

Knox was kneeling in the open space designated for the kids to play mini-sticks when he saw me, jumping up. “Mom!”

Giving him a quick hug, I tousled his blond locks. “Hey, squirt. You being good for Aunt Natalie?”

He nodded vigorously, and hair fell into his eyes. I couldn’t help but smile at the thought that Benji had won that battle.

Pulling out of my arms, he moved to return to playing, and I noticed the back of his jersey. “Knox?” He turned around. “Why are you wearing your game jersey?”

Even though it was the same colors and number, the nameplate read Mason instead of Mills, indicating it was his youth hockey jersey instead of his replica of Benji’s. I didn’t like taking any of his gear out of his bag for fear of forgetting a piece, especially when Benji was on the road, and I had him at the rink solo. I’d have to make a conscious effort to put it back in his hockey bag later tonight.

Knox gave me his signature toothy grin, which was filling in with each passing day. “Dad has a surprise.”

Oh, Lord. Benji’s surprises could be just about anything.

Leaving him to play with Beau and the other kids his age, I walked to the high-top counter overlooking the ice, sliding onto a barstool beside Natalie. I let out a relieved sigh to be off my feet for the first time in hours.

“Hey, there you are.” Natalie turned to me in greeting.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on Knox. I got caught up at work,” I explained.

“Anytime.” She smiled.

Lucy took the seat on my other side. “Can I get you a drink? The bar’s been freshly stocked.”

“Um.” I chewed on my lip.

Lucy’s brilliant blue eyes widened. “Oh my God . . . You’re not. Are you?”

Blushing, I twisted my hands together. “Not exactly.” Peeking up at her, she silently waited for me to elaborate. “We’re trying. Well, we have been for a bit. Nothing has stuck yet, which is strange considering how easily Knox came to us.”

Grinning, she took my hand. “I’m sure it’ll happen for you guys soon. Not everyone can get pregnant on command like Natalie.”

“Hey!” Natalie called from behind me, but I could hear the smile in her voice.

Before we could discuss it further, the lights in the arena dimmed, and the giant screen hung over the center ice began to play the pre-game video. This was my favorite, watching the clips of the team, especially Benji doing what he loved. I was so proud of him. He’d taken an opportunity and run with it, working hard until he’d achieved greatness.

The video ended, but the light shows continued on the ice as both teams skated out from their respective locker rooms. Taking a few laps, most filed onto the bench, except the starting lineup waiting to be announced.

The public address announcer’s voice filled the arena. “Tonight’s matchup, we have your hometown Connecticut Comets facing off against the Boston Bombers!” The crowd of almost twenty thousand cheered for their team.

He continued, “And now, for tonight’s starting lineup. In net, Reed Wilder. At left defense, Luka Winters. At right defense, Blake Abbott. At center, your captain, Jaxon Slate!” There was a momentary pause as the crowd went wild for Jaxon. “At left wing, Braxton Slate.” There was another cheer. Having both Slate brothers on the same team and the same line had people around the league in a frenzy.

Each man skated to the blue line at the announcement of their name.

Frowning, I realized we were still missing one player—my player.

Squinting, I tried to see if he was on the ice in the dim light but couldn’t tell.

The announcer’s voice came over the system once more. “And we have a slight change to our lineup this evening.”

My heart sank to my stomach. Had Benji gotten hurt in warmups?

“He’s the same player you know and love, but he’s sporting a new name on the back of his jersey. At right wing, welcome to the ice number eighty-eight, Benji Mason!”

I stopped breathing as Benji’s signature cocky smirk filled the big screen as he skated to the blue line. When he stopped beside his teammates, the image switched to the back of his jersey. Sure enough, his nameplate now read Mason.

With the spotlight shining on Hannah standing on the red carpet belting out our national anthem, Natalie’s arm curled around my waist, and she pulled me in for a side hug. I could barely see through the tears blurring my vision.

“You’ve got a good one, Liv,” Natalie said after the anthem was done, and the crowd’s applause quieted after our friend’s vocal stylings.

“Yeah.” I sniffled.

“Mom! Did you like the surprise?” Knox chirped from behind me.

Spinning around in my seat, I found him grinning from ear to ear.

“You knew?” I asked, my voice thick.

Knox nodded. “Now we all match!”

A trembling hand came up to my mouth to stifle a sob. To Knox, it was simple. He had no idea how big of a gesture this was on Benji’s part. I knew he was committed. Heck, we were trying for another baby, but this took it to another level.

He was showing us that he was shedding the past, ready to move on with his future.

And I couldn’t be more proud of his emotional growth.

The game was well in hand, the Comets leading the Bombers by a score of five to one, so I snuck out of the family box before the final buzzer. Knox would come down with Natalie and the rest of the kids to hang with the players in the locker room once the press cleared.

I wanted a moment alone with Benji, so I waited down the tunnel where the players would come off the ice. Since I couldn’t view the game, the buzzer caught me off guard, causing me to jump. It was immediately followed by the crowd’s roar and the team’s victory song blaring through the speakers.

The coaches walked down the long hallway first, not paying me much mind. Slowly, players began to venture off the ice and past me in the tunnel. Braxton, Jaxon’s brother, passed with a wink, and I gave him a smile. Not surprisingly, Benji was almost the last one with Jaxon behind him, both missing their sticks. I could only imagine the kids on the receiving end of those pieces of equipment and the memories they would have for a lifetime. The dads on the ice were always a sucker for the youngest fans in the stands.

“Ms. Mason.” Jaxon gave me a nod of acknowledgment as he stepped past Benji, giving him a hearty clap on the back.

It would seem everyone had known about this monumental change but me. I couldn’t even be mad.

Benji, smelling like sweat and gear, bent down to pull me into his arms, searing my lips with a sizzling kiss. The skates gave him a few extra inches in height, and I had to press onto my tiptoes to maintain our connection.

Breaking apart, I was breathless—and not only from the kiss. Benji unbuckled his helmet, dropping it to the ground, and I smiled at how much he looked like Knox with his hair slicked back with sweat.

Reaching up, I cupped the damp skin of his cheeks. “What did you do?”

His shoulders rose and fell. “Seemed pretty simple to me. I wanted to have the same name as the rest of my family. I don’t care which one it is. And if I’m being honest, the Mason name is one I will be proud to wear.”

Tears prickled behind my eyes. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

Smiling down at me, he countered, “No. I’m yours. For now and forever. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Liv. You chose to love me when no one else cared.”

He wasn’t the only one whose life had been completely altered by our relationship. “You saw past Olivia and found Liv buried beneath the surface. Choosing you was the easiest decision of my life. I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

Reaching down, he gripped behind my thighs, picking me up enough that I was able to lock my ankles around his waist. Nipping at my lower lip, Benji growled, “I’m gonna put a baby in you tonight.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, feeling freer than I had, held in his arms with our whole lives ahead of us. “You say that every night.”

Smirking up at me with his boyish charm, he said, “And one of these nights, it’s going to be true.”

“Awfully cocky,” I teased.

“Just following orders. I remember a girl telling me she wanted me to be a cocky hockey boy. Now, she has him. And he sure as hell knows how to use his cock a lot better than he did back then.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t argue with any of those points. They were all true.

All those years, I’d held a piece of Benji close to my heart. Knox was my lifeline, our unbreakable connection, but I knew it was more than that. My heart knew how electrifying it felt to be the center of his universe, and a part of me always knew that no other man would ever come close.

I had been lucky enough to experience it once, and if that was all I ever got, it would have been enough. But I would get down on my knees and give thanks every day for the rest of my life that I was allowed to keep him for eternity.

He’d made me his forever teammate in the game of life. Whatever came our way from this point forward, we would handle it together.

No matter where our journey took us, I knew one thing for certain: I couldn’t wait to see what surprise he had up his sleeve next.

For a bonus scene from New Year's Eve a year down the road, where Liv has another surprise for Benji, you can find it here.

The Connecticut Comets series continues with Jaxon's younger brother, Braxton, joining the team in Second-Rate Superstar.

If you missed the stories of the previous Comets couples, you can catch up with Jaxon and Natalie in Scoring the Princess and Cal and Hannah in Bagging the Blueliner.

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Acknowledgements

As always, the first thank you goes to my husband. He's been my biggest supporter as I continue my author journey, pumping me up and making sure everyone we cross paths knows his wife is a "kickass smut author." He believed in me before I believed in myself, and his confidence continues to propel me.

Thank you to my own eight-year-old little hockey dude, who has provided me with so much material and inspiration for Knox's character.

To my family and friends, thank you for supporting me in all the tiny ways behind the scenes, whether it's website design, letting me bend your ear over ideas, or offering words of encouragement. Those little things add up, and I'm grateful for each and every one of you.

To Katie, my editor, thank you for making me crack up as you beg for more sex scenes while meticulously combing every word to help make my story better.

To Nina, my proofreader, thank you for giving my book a final pass and getting it ready for my amazing readers. My favorite moment working together on this book was when you declared you had to pull a Joey and put the book in the freezer because you were scared about what was going to happen. You totally get me.

To Amanda, thank you for always being down to grab lunch to talk hockey and books.

To Sam D, one of my most treasured ARC readers who has been with me since Day 1. Thank you for loving my characters as much as I do and always being a message away when I need a distraction while writing. And the most gigantic thank you for recently taking on assisting me with graphics so I can continue to focus on crafting more stories. Spoiler alert: she's better at the design than me anyway, so everyone wins.

Last but certainly not least, thank you to all my amazing readers. I'm constantly humbled by your kind words of support, whether that comes in direct messages or in the form of recommending my work to other readers. Thank you for allowing me to continue living the dream of getting up every day and sharing my stories with the world!

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About the Author

Siena is originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where a love of sports is bred into a girl’s DNA. Her love of romance novels came early as well. She would often accompany her romance reviewer mom to book lovers’ and romance writer’s conventions, where she sat in on workshops and met numerous best-selling authors. It wasn’t long before she was filling notebooks with her own stories, which often starred herself and a certain real-life prince. 

As luck would have it, she met and married a handsome athlete instead. After several temporary residencies in multiple states and Germany, they finally settled in Michigan, the land where youth hockey reigns supreme. 

Her stories no longer feature herself, but draw from her past experiences as an educator, businesswoman, fashion consultant, and world traveler when creating her strong heroines. “Oh yes,” she says with a wink and a smile, “There are bits of me in all of them.” Now, she spends her days writing happily ever afters for fictional characters and her evenings at the local hockey arenas cheering for her three children.  

Siena loves to hear from her readers. You can email her at:

siena.trap.books@gmail.com

Or find her on social media (FB, IG, and TT): @siena.trap.books

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More Books by Siena Trap

Remington Royals Series

Scoring the Princess

Playing Pretend with the Prince

Feuding with the Fashion Princess

Connecticut Comets (Hockey) Series

Bagging the Blueliner

Surprise for the Sniper

Second-Rate Superstar

Indy Speed (Hockey) Series

A Bunny for the Bench Boss

(Maddox's Story)

Frozen Heart Face-Off

(Jenner's Story)

Goalie Goal

(Sasha aka Goose's Story)

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