Introduction

Ireland feels familiar for many people, because they have seen Ireland and Irish people portrayed in films or on television. Additionally, people around the world celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and wear green and sure, that’s Irish!

Or is it?

The first surprise might be that the Ireland of lore, the mythological Ireland portrayed in film and on television is not the real Ireland, much the way bologna is not real meat. Sure, people are friendly and there are gingers aplenty, but life in Ireland is modern, evolving, and influenced by technology, the Internet, and the contributions of immigrants, just like everywhere else in the world. The ability to change quickly is one of Ireland’s many superpowers, but even Superman had his kryptonite. For Ireland, that would be the high cost of living, shortage of hospitals, and in County Dublin, a severe lack of housing and rising homelessness. Ireland is not perfect, but she is amazing.

The island comprises two separate countries: the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. Though their names sound similar, there are many important differences, the main one being that Northern Ireland is smaller and part of the United Kingdom, which means they measure stuff in feet and miles and use the British Pound Sterling as their currency. That is Northern Ireland.

The Republic of Ireland is larger and not in any way part of the United Kingdom. The Republic of Ireland, typically referred to as Ireland, uses the metric system for measurement and the currency is the Euro. Should you need to distinguish between the two countries in conversation, you would specify either The Republic or Northern Ireland. There is a fraught history, full of love, hate, and conflict between The Republic and Northern Ireland, but neither would exclude the other from Christmas.

The Republic and Northern Ireland share sports leagues, with games played in both countries and during the Covid-19 pandemic, doctors helped people seamlessly both in the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. Many have relatives that live across the border. There is a close relationship and open border between the two nations.

A trickier relationship is the one between Ireland and the United Kingdom (UK). On the one hand, the UK is a top trade partner with Ireland and a healthy source of tourism. Some Irish people commute to the UK for work. Yet the relationship is clouded by past historical mistreatment of Ireland by the United Kingdom. Don’t mistake the Republic of Ireland as a part of Britain or the UK.

The Republic of Ireland (Ireland) is a part of the European Union (EU), which is where the cool kids in Europe hang out to make trade deals and eat fancy cheese.

English is the official language of Ireland, but it’s not like any English spoken elsewhere. The dialect of English spoken in Ireland is called Hiberno English and it’s full of idioms and idiosyncrasies and word play. The Irish have a great sense of humour, enjoy the craic (having a good time), and feel as fiercely proud of their country and culture as you do about your country. Let’s explore some of that, shall we?

One

Don’t Drink The Bathroom Water

Obviously, you have excellent taste because you have taken an interest in one of the most beautiful, unspoiled countries on earth. In Ireland, a drive in any direction will quickly lead you to rolling lush green hills, rivers, gardens, plant life of all varieties (even palm trees!), the sea, and an obscure pond known as the Atlantic. Ireland has become a modern country embracing all mod cons (modern conveniences) without losing her identity, her culture, her heritage. That is what makes Ireland distinct. No big box stores, only a handful of drive-throughs, and a real preference for local produce and locally made goods have kept Ireland Irish.

Many items which are advertised in other countries as being Irish, such as Irish spring soap, corned beef and cabbage, and green beer are no more Irish than French fries are French. Celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day in Ireland is a quiet family affair, marked by a parade in City Center.

What is truly Irish? Meals with three different potato dishes, a joint that won’t get you high, and Guinness (on tap ONLY). Roads designed for medieval carts and not since updated, disdain for bragging, the immersion, a widespread love of reading, and a cultural flexibility which allows Ireland to make massive social changes in one generation where other nations stumble: that is the real Ireland. Ireland is more than a beauty. She’s smart too. And so are you for being interested in her.

But first, a bit of history. Don’t worry, it’s only a paragraph. There was no widespread access to electricity in Ireland until fifty years ago and every Irish person over forty grew up without a phone in their home and or even in their village. Yet today, Google, Microsoft, LinkedIn, Facebook and all the other tech giants have large operations on Irish soil. Ireland is fast on its feet. These people don’t live in the past and thankfully so. They’ve had enough Troubles.

About the title, please, Don’t Drink the Bathroom Water. Don’t. Water in Ireland is handled differently than other places. In Ireland, often only the kitchen sink that is connected to the main water supply (the municipal or public water system). The other sinks, in bathrooms or utility rooms, aren’t connected to what is called in Ireland “the mains” or “mains water”.

The water is brought by fairies.

These water-bringing fairies live beneath the house and are mostly quiet, except during rain showers when they kick up a terrible ruckus collecting, you guessed it, rain, which they deposit into a holding tank in the attic of the house, to be distributed to those sinks without mains water supply.

It sounds mad, but it’s true. Well, the water tank. Not the fairies part. Fairies in Ireland are mean and vindictive and you certainly wouldn’t want them collecting your water.

There are holding tanks, called cisterns, in attics throughout Ireland. Mains water from the public water supply pipes sits in the tanks. These tanks can either be covered or uncovered. When you flush the toilet or turn on the tap to wash your hands or brush your teeth, the water comes from the cistern in the attic. The Irish wouldn’t think of drinking water from anywhere but the kitchen where the water comes fresh from the public water supply.

When my family and I first arrived in Ireland years ago, we were not informed about the source of bathroom water.

We drank the bathroom water.

It’s hard to imagine now, but we filled our water bottles with bathroom water. Chugged it down without a care. Let’s just say drinking the bathroom water in our perfectly respectable rental house lead to consequences. Of an unpleasant and intestinal nature, that we wrote off as new food, we’ll get used to it, surely it’s no big deal…but the consequences endured and we couldn’t figure out why. Until one day the attic holding tank in our rental house sprang a leak.

This was the first we’d heard of the attic cistern.

A holding tank? Filled with water? In the attic with the moths?

The plumber in charge of repairing the leaking cistern was more surprised than we were. Our ignorance amused and then annoyed, as we asked again and again, “THAT’S the water we brush our teeth with?”

Arriving in Ireland

We arrived five years ago with stars in our eyes, excited to accomplish a lifelong dream by living in Europe. We were poorly prepared and willing to learn, not the worst combination. While my spouse had already secured employment, we did not have any relocation assistance. Left to our own devices, we winged it.

I hate winging it. I am a planner. But we had little time to prepare: less than three months to sell a house and two cars and figure out what to do with everything from extra bedsheets to cross-country skis and everything in between. What information I could find said to sell everything and buy it new in Ireland. Okay.

This was bad advice on many fronts, but more about that later.

While my spouse winds wistful tales of how freeing it was to sell our belongings, I disagree. More advance notice would have prevented the frantic carloads dumped at charity shops daily and allowed for a more thoughtful review of what to keep and what to give away. But I digress. We sold the house and cars, had a massive yard sale, and donated the rest in three exhausting months of constant, furious activity. And then we got on a plane. And landed in Dublin.

Life in Ireland

My introduction to Ireland was neither gentle nor lovely.

This was not the fault of Ireland.

We landed before dawn, dragged our precious five suitcases that contained nearly everything we now owned, and I made my first mistake. I attempted to hail a cab. In Ireland, you don’t hail a cab. Especially at the airport. There is a queue of taxis waiting outside. That was my first lesson in Ireland, followed quickly by my second lesson. Airport taxis didn’t take credit cards back then; I hadn’t anticipated that. Back into the airport I trudged to get cash. Now I was ready! After securing a nice taxi van with a cheerful driver, off we went to our new home!

We arrived in Dundrum speedily and then proceeded to circle around and around. And circle. And circle again. It was still pre-dawn. There was no traffic. No reason to circle. Until the driver croaked, “Which way?”

Which way?

It was my first time in Ireland, headed to a destination I had never been to. Which way?

Eventually, the member of my family with the smallest bladder asked, “How much longer?”

“Don’t know,” came the response. “Can’t make out where it is.” The taxi driver couldn’t find the address. “Do you know where it is?” our driver asked us.

We gulped.

Because we didn’t.

Tired and lost, I was beginning to panic when the taxi driver got out his cell phone and opened up google maps. Bless him, the early adaptor. At the time this would have been new in Ireland and uncommon. My taxi driver was a winner. That was my first piece of luck.

My second piece of luck was that I had an actual address, with a street name and a house number. That’s unusual in Ireland, where properties might be identified only by the property name, village, and county. For example, Carrig Dubh, Ballymun, County Leitrim could be an actual complete home address in Ireland. Let’s see google maps find that!

I could have kissed the ground when the taxi finally pulled up in front of my new home, an aging, slightly decrepit, semi-detached house located practically inside Dundrum Town Center (a large-by-European standards shopping mall). Ah the fairy tale of moving abroad!

My lifelong dream was looking more like a life sentence. It didn’t get better when I went to sleep that night in my furnished rental. The neighbors on the other side of the wall interpreted darkness as the time to blast music and throw loud parties, all the easier to hear, along with the traffic, because the windows didn’t keep out sound or wind or moisture. All this luxury for 3000 euros a month! It was a lot to process. And it only got worse when we discovered that some items we had shipped ahead to our rental, mostly clothing and domestic goods, had been stolen. We’d been robbed before we even arrived.

It was a difficult beginning.

Things could have gone, SHOULD have gone, much better. A bit of information would have gone a long way to easing the transition. We had focused on selling furniture and our house as quickly as possible. While we did turn to the internet for guidance, there wasn’t much available about relocating to Ireland. There was far more information online about Irish people emigrating from Ireland to Australia and North America, which was disconcerting, but we were intrepid and off we went anyway.

Brave or dumb, it’s all how you slice it. Though in hindsight, landing in Ireland for the first time, armed with an address and nothing more, no support, no relocation team to help, no local guide engaged, it was, in many ways, the worst way to conduct an international move.

Or the start of a grand adventure. Again, it’s all in how you slice it.

My first bit of hard-won wisdom? Don’t do what we did.

No, really.

Do not do what we did. An international move is exciting and Ireland is lovely, but any successful endeavor requires planning and information and good choices.

My next bits of advice will be more specific, separated into chapters designed to fill you in on the practical aspects of Irish life if you are considering a move or visit. This guide will help separate fact from fiction about life in beautiful Ireland.

But first, a word of caution: if you have been to Ireland on holiday, even if you have visited many times, remember that the holiday aspect colors your vision. On vacation, there are no bills or pesky bosses or deadlines, no in-laws or nosy neighbors or unpleasant decisions to be made. Vacations are times of leisure and joy and that may have influenced your view of Ireland.

Ireland is magnificent, but there are challenges. Shopping, shipping goods, language, and hot water to name a few. All will be covered here in further detail, but do read this guide with an open mind. The difficulties won’t be so difficult if you are aware of them in advance.

Immigration

Like most countries, you can’t just appear in Ireland, unload the moving van, and set up house. If only it were that easy! First, there is paperwork and fee paying, just like everywhere else in the world. Yes friends, bureaucracy exists in Ireland too!

If you are already an EU citizen, skip ahead to the next section. If not, your first step will be obtaining a visa allowing you to work and live in Ireland. How you go about this will depend on your individual circumstances, what citizenship you currently hold, and your reasons for relocation. Here are a few ways to obtain a visa to move to Ireland:

Get a job in Ireland. Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, Microsoft, Medtronic, and a wide variety of other large multinational corporations have branches in Ireland. Check their websites and apply!

Perhaps you are of Irish extraction? If your grandparents were born in Ireland, you may be eligible for Irish citizenship, which would allow you full access to live and work in Ireland without restriction.

Ireland welcomes artists and writers. If you can prove that you have made a living as a writer or an artist, you may be eligible for a visa.

These are simply a few ideas for how to move, but the bigger and more important piece of advice is this: DO NOT MOVE TO IRELAND ILLEGALLY.

Don’t come for a holiday and stay.

Don’t break the law in any way.

It will make citizenship and possibly permanent residence impossible.

Getting Started

I’d be embarrassed to tell you how long it took us to stop showing up at the mall at 7 pm when the stores close regularly at 6pm, how many cold showers I’ve endured because I failed to put on the immersion, how baffled I was by Irish phone numbers and their varying amounts of digits, and how surprised I was at how little is actually available for purchase in Ireland.

And don’t get me started on the rental market.

So why stay?

Because Ireland has twisted me around her little finger and I have fallen head over heels in love.

I love the weather. It is mild year-round but there are seasonal changes. Travel to continental Europe is ridiculously cheap and fast. Food in Ireland is local, fresh, and preservatives are uncommon, so without even trying you can enjoy farm fresh food over all Ireland.

The landscape is beautiful, breathtaking day trips are abound, and it is safe. Schoolchildren of all ages ride the public buses to get to school, people both respect others’ privacy but help when needed, and there is far less rushing around I am accustomed to. Family time is valued, people have time for hobbies and reading and travel, and money is not seen as an objective, but rather a tool to accomplish objectives.

And the sheep! They are cute, right? And the green, which is truly emerald green, in all directions. Even a drive on the highway is pleasant, with lovely views around ever corner. Ireland is a country that’s growing, blossoming, and on the upswing. The energy is contagious. Maybe you’ll give Ireland a try. If you do, here are a few things you should know, and a few tips that will help you even if you’re just vacationing in Ireland.

Two

Never Assume

This is, by far, the most important chapter in this book. Friends, if I had read this one simple chapter prior to landing in Dublin, I would have been infinitely better equipped for life in Ireland. This is short, but important. Read it carefully. You’ll be surprised how much benefit it will bring.

Don’t assume the purchase of a house is handled the same way it was in your country. It’s not. Like a lot of things in Ireland, the process is not as fixed or clear cut. There are many variables, a longer timeline, and getting a mortgage requires your firstborn AND a loaf of bread.

Don’t assume you’ll find information online.

Don’t assume the company will have a website.

Don’t assume you can buy it in Ireland.

Don’t assume you can pay with a credit card. There are plenty of places that still take only cash as payment, and until recently this included taxis. While the covid-19 pandemic has popularized touchless payment, I repeat: do not assume!

Don’t assume the Irish will be glad to be paid or to receive a tip in your currency, even if your currency is British pounds, American dollars, Australian dollars, or Canadian dollars. When you give Irish people your foreign currency, you are only giving them a job. Now they have to go to the bank and exchange it. Don’t do it. It makes you look, well, bad. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Ireland, pay in Euros.

Don’t assume THEY have the accent. In Ireland, it’s YOU that has the accent.

Don’t assume Irish English (called Hiberno English) is the same as the English you are familiar with. It is not. Hiberno English has its own regional accents, its own expressions, its own names for things. Don’t worry, you’ll be surrounded by Hiberno English once you’re living here and quickly pick up on its vocabulary and expressions.

DO NOT ASSUME things are done better in your country or homeland. Different isn’t bad and there are historical and practical reasons for the way things are done in Ireland.

Don’t assume you can change Ireland or that you should change Ireland.

Don’t assume things you read or saw that were labelled “Irish” back in your home country exist in Ireland. Irish Spring soap, for example, is not Irish and you won’t find an Irish person who knows what you’re talking about. Again, sometimes goods are labelled Irish for marketing purposes, but they are not actually Irish.

Don’t assume you can afford it. If you drove a luxury car in your previous life, you may drive an economy car in Ireland. That’s once you pass your written test, six or twelve lessons with a licensed instructor, and your driving test. More information on that in Chapter 3. The point is that Ireland is expensive. Irish people travel to London for bargains. Realities of the cost of living in Ireland will be detailed in Chapter 4.

Don’t assume you’ve ever been anywhere more beautiful. Every country has beautiful architecture or interesting towns or natural beauty. Ireland has all that and more. From the unsullied Atlantic coast to the rolling green hills of central Ireland, the Irish seaside, castles, Celtic ruins, and Georgian architecture, there is beauty to be found everywhere. And the plant life! What doesn’t thrive in Ireland?! It’s a gardener’s paradise, with palm trees and strawberries and potatoes and every flower imaginable growing side by side in the mild climate.

Don’t assume workaholism is a global and ubiquitous condition. Irish people value family and friends and fun (called craic). Excluding restaurants, everything closes at 6pm on Saturdays, no exceptions. Most stores are open from 9am or 10am until 6pm with longer hours one day a week. Almost no one works on Saturdays and people will gasp in horror if you suggest working on Sunday to anyone but a priest.

Don’t assume you’ll feel uncomfortable in Ireland if you’re not Catholic. Irish people don’t ask strangers about personal matters, so it won’t come up, and whether or not you are Catholic, no one will mind. People of a wide variety of religious affiliations live together in harmony in Ireland, so you have nothing to worry about.

Three

Transportation: Taxis, Trains, Buses, and Cars!

Taxis and Other Adventures

You’ve disembarked, collected your luggage, and queued for a taxi at the airport and it’s all going brilliantly. Now to go try that lovely restaurant you’ve heard so much about. Uber it is! Uber doesn’t work reliably in Ireland, because the law states that people driving others for money must possess a taxi driving licence. No bother! Just use your Lyft app---this isn’t the Dark Ages! Well….Lyft sometimes can be useful, because there are a number of taxi drivers who are signed up with Lyft, but during busy times or outside of County Dublin, you might not have any luck with Lyft either.

What to do? The Irish would think nothing of walking a few kilometers, but let’s say it’s raining and you don’t want to ruin your new suede shoes. While at your accommodation (your hotel, hostel, or bed-and-breakfast), connect to the wifi and download the Irish taxi app, which changes names more often than some people change clothes.

Recently called Halo, My Taxi, and Free Now, the app works well and the bonus is that you can use it to both call for a taxi and to pay for the taxi with a credit card. Undoubtedly, the app will be renamed within the next seven minutes, so be swift about downloading it! Don’t dilly dally!

Buses, If You Dare

In counties Dublin and Cork, relying on the bus for your transportation needs is entirely feasible, and depending on where you’re headed, it’s also possible in County Galway. Outside of that, no beans. There is the long-distance bus system, called Bus Éireann (pronounced bus erin), and that can be a great way to get from Dublin to Limerick or Cork to Galway, but it runs on a limited schedule and sometimes requires pre-booking, all of which can be sorted online at www.buseireann.ie or www.journeyplanner.buseireann.ie

Local bus schedules and routes can be obtained at:

www.bustimes.org

www.dublinbus.ie

www.hittheroad.ie (Dublin only)

Next Bus Dublin app (Dublin only)

Bus drivers do not provide change. If you like, you could purchase a LEAP card at a machine at a DART station or online at www.LEAPcard.ie under ‘Buy a TFI LEAP card’.

The LEAP card can be used to pay for both local buses and trains with a swipe of a card rather than counting change and will save you money, because paying by LEAP card is cheaper than paying with cash. You simply put an amount of money on the LEAP card and every time you use it, the bus or train fare will be deducted from the balance on the card. This is how the locals do it. It’s quick, easy, and every time you use the LEAP card, it tells you your balance on the card so you know when to add more money to it. Sorted!

As in all big cities, rush hour and busy times of day mean you may have to wait longer to get onto a bus. Plan accordingly. Travel off peak if possible, as it will save you time and sanity and prevent you from becoming a human sardine in the squish of humanity.

Trains

There are two commuter train systems that service County Dublin and the East coast of Ireland: the LUAS and the DART. Each has two components. Let’s start with the LUAS: until recently, there was a red line and a green line, and never the twain shall meet. Now they are connected.

The LUAS (pronounced Lewis) will take you around County Dublin, mostly north and south, and can be paid for with your LEAP card. Just like with buses, there may not be room on a train during peak hours. The national budget allows for funding for the purchase of larger LUAS trains in the year 2020, so train overcrowding should ease in the near term. For more information, including schedules and fees, check www.luas.ie

**Please note: the LUAS is a very quiet train. If you see rails in the road or ground where you are walking, be extra vigilant. You will not hear the LUAS approach.

The DART train runs locally up and down the east coast of Ireland and serves the suburbs of Dublin. There is also a distance train, called Iarnrod Eireann, which to me sounds like “ear- and- road erin”. Mostly, people call it the long-distance train.

Tickets for the DART are purchased right at the DART station from a machine. Ticket checking during transport is common, so keep your ticket with you at all times. A DART ticket must correspond with the journey being taken, so take care when buying tickets. Check the website for more information. You can also pay using a LEAP card.

The DART has scenic routes up and down the Irish seaside and connects to commuter towns in County Dublin and County Wicklow, as well as the major train stations. The website www.irishrail.ie provides live updates for both the DART and distance (Iarnrod Eireann) trains. Remember train schedules change on bank holidays and weekends.

One more bit of LEAP card advice:

LUAS and DART: tap the LEAP card when entering and exiting the Luas. The initial entrance fee is a flat cost, while the exit swipe returns any overcharge based on the length of the journey. Tap-on and tap-off.

Local Buses: only tap on. Tap your LEAP card on the LEAP card reader when you enter the local bus and that’s it.

Your Legs

In City Center in Dublin, the best, most reliable, most convenient mode of transport is without question those long things hanging from your torso. You don’t need a parking spot for them or a timetable, you can just go. I rate walking in City Centre five stars.

Which is all well and good if you have depth perception and balance and are not differently abled, because friends, City Centre is OLD, like Georgian old (and older), and those cobblestone streets are neither flat nor even, so beware. Ireland might not be the most accessible for the differently abled, but there is increasing awareness, which in Ireland often leads to action.

Renting A Car

You use your driving license from another country to belly up to a rental counter at the airport and voilà! The keys to a vehicle are provided! Along with a little pamphlet about driving on the left side of the road. If only that pamphlet said: remember to look right at roundabouts, but turn left.

Again, roundabouts: check for oncoming traffic by looking right and when safe, drive left. You’d be shocked how many times folks new to the country get that confused. But not you! You’ve been warned and are ready for the roads! Well, almost ready. Friends, the road signs are different. A quick look online at road signs for the Republic of Ireland wouldn’t go amiss. Just be certain to check for signs for the Republic of Ireland, because the signs in Northern Ireland and Great Britain won’t be the same.

So you’ve rented your car and of course, you’re a driving wizard keeping to your side of the road and going through roundabouts like a seasoned pro, but you’ve arrived at your destination and where the shamrocks is the car park (parking lot)?

Parking

Also called How I Lost My Mind in Ireland. World peace could have been solved in the time I have spent creeping up and down a street in search of an elusive parking spot. Street parking is often the only parking, particularly in cities, and it is in high demand. Should you be lucky enough to secure parking, don’t forget to pay for it. There are little pay booths scattered up and down streets. You have 15 minutes to obtain your pay ticket and place it on your dashboard before destruction hits. That’s right. Cars in Ireland self-destruct if you don’t pay for parking. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

These little parking kiosks take coins as payment or you can download an app and pay for it that way. Rates vary widely, so be sure to check. Your car will be booted if left unpaid. No kidding. The parking attendants who roam the land in search of unpaid parking will attach a wheel clamp to your car, immobilizing it. The fines to unclamp the car are extraordinary and, as you might expect, the parking posse is only available from 2pm to 4pm on alternate Mondays to free your vehicle. Park without paying at your own peril.

But that’s not a surprise either, as anyone who has ever tried to park in any city anywhere can attest. Here’s the surprise: Getting a driving license. The mere thought makes me shudder.

Driving License

You’ve been driving for ten or twenty or thirty or more years in another country or countries without incident (or without a really bad incident) and if you don’t hold an EU driving license, your experience is sadly meaningless in Ireland. Though you could rent a car with your existing driving license, that license is worth nothing once you officially reside in Ireland. You will have to start from scratch and your car insurance will be crazy expensive. And even better, while you are learning to drive, whether you are an Indy car champion or have won Le Mans, you will have to display a GIANT RED L (yes the letter L as in loser) on your car windscreen for all to see, until you pass your road test. But I am getting ahead of myself because there is so much to do before then.

Driving Permit

First step: apply for a driving permit and take the driving permit test. There is no getting around this. Study the road signs. There are a lot of them and they will come up both on the permit test and the actual road test.

Helpful hint: go to Easons bookstore and buy the practice DVD and test prep book. A DVD, you say? Who has a disk drive in their computer anymore? Amazon sells an external USB disk drive that works wonders. The DVD contains practice permit tests and allow me to say, as a seasoned driver, I had to take a lot of practice tests before I passed (the DVD scores your practice tests instantly). Driving rules are different in Ireland, so study!

On your permit test day, there are strict and ever-changing rules about what you are allowed to bring to the test center and what types of identification they will accept, so be sure to check in advance.

PRO TIP: always bring proof of your address in Ireland.

Always. Even if they don’t ask for it. Especially when they don’t ask for it. A utility bill or bank statement with your exact name and address that is less than three months old will suffice. You might consider carrying it with you, it comes up that frequently.

Now that you’ve acquired a driving permit, you might think it’s time to schedule a road test. Not so fast Sparky! First you need lessons with a driving instructor. That’s right. No matter if you’re Lewis Hamilton or Danica Patrick or Jeremy Clarkson himself, you will need to hire a driving instructor to accompany you in a lesson car for twelve sessions. That’s twelve hours in the car with an instructor!

As a longtime driver myself, I found the idea of taking lessons with a driving instructor odious until I was in the car with the instructor. Left reverse, you say? I did not know what a left reverse was, much less how to complete one safely, and a left reverse must be successfully completed in order to pass the driving test, among other maneuvers.

Lessons with a driving instructor aren’t cheap, so prepare yourself. The driving instructors are the only source of necessary documents and the secret handshake you will need to schedule your road test, so there’s no skirting it. But good news! As I typed this, the law changed! You will only need SIX lessons with an instructor when you show proof of already possessing a driving license. You lucky dog! Remember that if you possess a driving license from another EU country or Switzerland, none of this applies. You can drive to your heart’s content without doing any of this, though do check to make sure the law hasn’t changed in the meantime. Ireland is not a static country by any means.

Road Test

For the driving road test, you will be required to drive forward and backward and complete a 3 point turn. You will not be required to parallel park, oddly, though in daily life you will do more parallel parking than actual driving, should you reside in Dublin. Hill starts are required because most people still take the driving test on a manual transmission. If you don’t know how to drive a manual, you might want to take advantage of the driving instructor’s learner drive car to practice.

Additionally, if you do not take the driving test in a manual transmission vehicle, you will not be given a full Irish driving license. You can take the road test on an automatic transmission car, but you will receive a restricted license, not a full license. Food for thought. And as you’re thinking, note that automatic transmission cars aren’t common in Ireland and thus, more expensive to purchase. You’re welcome.

But left reverse!

Left reverse means that during the road test, you will be required to back up around a corner in traffic, maintaining a constant distance between you and the kerb (Irish spelling of curb) of no more than 12 inches or 30 centimeters. Your tyre (Irish spelling of tire) can be no further at any point in the turn than 30 centimetres from the kerb. Sounds easy, but takes practice because on the road test, you could be asked to perform a left reverse anywhere, at a very sharp turn or a shallow turn or in a heavily trafficked area. Practice left reverse enough and you’ll do fine.

After The Road Test

You passed your road test! Congratulations! Now you can peel that pesky red L off the front and back of your windscreen. What a relief. Except that you need to affix a giant red N in its place. Because now and for the next two years, you’re a Noob. A newbie. A new driver. And the whole world will know it. Wear it as a badge of courage. The two years will go swiftly and when you finally peel off the N stickers, you will feel a sense of accomplishment you haven’t felt since you learned to drive for the very first time. Or you won’t care.

There are stricter rules for N drivers. The legal limit for alcohol in the bloodstream is much lower, and even minor infractions could cause you to lose that beloved driving licence and have to start all over, this time with extortionate car insurance rates that will exceed the GDP of most nations. Pay a lot of attention to the rules for N drivers and don’t take any chances.

NCT

You thought we were done? Now on to the NCT. When you hear NCT, do not conjure up the idea of a car inspection back home. Do not envision a quick emissions test or a simple 200 point inspection, because when you buy a car in Ireland, it will require an NCT inspection and that is a whole other kettle of fish.

There are ramps involved. The NCT is conducted in an indoor playground for cars. You can’t participate, sadly. Your job is to watch through the thick protective plexiglass as a stranger– I mean, qualified NCT professional, races your car over ramps, slams on the brakes, and does aggressive driving maneuvers you have never even thought of, all in the name of safety. They will put your car on a lift and spin each tyre individually, so none of your tyres feel left out. They will check your suspension with a torch, but don’t worry. Torch is Irish for flashlight. As they check your suspension, they will shake their head gravely and go retrieve a search light designed for football matches, with which they will inspect your car’s underpinning more closely.

Lights will be checked. Tyres checked. Headliner? Should be solid gold. Points deducted. The NCT is rigorous and ensures the cars on the road are safe but don’t be surprised if an item or two is flagged for repair. You will have a limited time to have the car repaired and re-inspected and if you don’t, it will be illegal to drive the car. Because licence plates stay with cars in Ireland, the Garda (police) will know. Let me back up and explain. In Ireland, a licence plate is not just a licence plate. It is your car’s registration and it stays with your car forever. When you buy a car, you are buying a car that already has its own license plate that it will keep forever. One less step for you!

NCT, Insurance, and Registration Disks

All cars in Ireland have ‘disks’ displayed in the windscreen. They are called disks, but they are little pieces of paper that you place in a plastic holder mounted to the windscreen and easily in view from outside the car. One disk shows proof of insurance. Another shows proof you’ve paid your road tax. And the final? You guessed it: NCT.

Occasionally there are roadblocks where the Garda check to make sure all three are up to date. These roadblocks are not uncommon and not having your disks in order could result in loss of driving privileges, so make sure you have what you need and don’t worry if this sounds overwhelming now. When you are in Ireland every day, it will be natural because you’ll be surrounded by it. You’ll learn more about this as you study for your driving permit too.

So there we are. You’re a licensed driver, happy as a clam, driving yourself all over the place. Good.

But wait, you might say. What about bicycles?

Bicycling in Ireland

In urban and suburban areas, bicycles are a viable means of transport that I could never in good conscience recommend to any newcomer. Why not? It’s dangerous. Learn the roads and the driving rules first and then consider a bicycle, if you’re so motivated, but be warned: there aren’t many bicycle lanes and those that exist often randomly disappear (they aren’t constant from one point to another). Also, it rains in Ireland. You’ll need to gear up.

I strongly recommend you master learning how to get around in Ireland first. Same goes for motorcycles, which require a special driving license are even more expensive to insure.

Helpful Websites

www.buseireann.ie

www.journeyplanner.buseireann.ie

 www.bustimes.org

www.dublinbus.ie

www.hittheroad.ie (Dublin only)

Next Bus Dublin app (Dublin only)

www.LEAPcard.ie

www.luas.ie

www.irishrail.ie

www.ndls.ie

www.ncts.ie

Apple maps: ridiculously inaccurate in Ireland

Google maps: better than Apple maps, but often wrong because they assume all roads are paved and two lanes. Double the time Google maps tells you a journey will take.

Four

The Cost Of Living

Sure friends, you’ve visited Ireland, stayed at an apartment rather than a hotel to experience Irish daily life, you’ve shopped at an Irish grocery store and you are feeling good. Confident. Ready to begin a new life on the Emerald Isle. To be clear, you’ve done it right. Good job, you! But when you land with your special socks and family photos, the costs will hit you between the eyes. There is no easy way to say it.

Ireland is EXPENSIVE.

Not slightly more expensive than other countries. Not expensive housing but cheap everything else. No. Everything is expensive. Seriously expensive. From cars to clothes to restaurants to hotels, everything is expensive, with two notable exceptions.

Maybe you’ve lived in Hong Kong or London and are thinking, ha! What is Robin Castle on about? Surely living in Ireland isn’t more expensive than New York City? Oh friends. Lie down. Right now. Preferably on a soft couch. Extend your legs and place a fluffy pillow under your head. Ireland is far more expensive than any of those places. Let me say it again for the people in the back: for reasons that are not always clear to me, Ireland has one of the highest costs of living in the world.

Sadly, this is not my opinion. In the Irish Independent newspaper dated 11th December 2019, an article by Colette Browne stated, “Ireland is the most expensive country of the EU 28 to run a house in, and the cost of living [in Ireland]---paying for house costs, rent, gas, electricity and maintenance---is almost 57 [percent] higher than the EU average. Even when buying food, Ireland is the fourth-most expensive country in the EU.”

The article continues: “Confirming all our worst suspicions, Dublin was named the most expensive city in the eurozone in which to live this year while it has also been voted the worst place in the world to move to for housing.”

Yet a United Nations report published a mere week prior cited Ireland as having the third highest quality of life in the world. Which is true?

It depends where you are. Always remember, Dublin is not Ireland. Maybe have that tattooed on your forearm, because it’s a mistake visitors to Ireland make that drives the Irish people crazy. More on the perils of living in Dublin in a later chapter, but should you attempt to live in the chaos and hyper-expense that is Dublin, let it be known that I warned you.

But Ireland? And quality of living? Yes. Because Ireland is much more than County Dublin. It is the gardens and mountains of County Wicklow and the wilds of County Wexford and the wondrous west coast and Donegal and Kilkenny and Offaly and Roscommon and every little bit in between. And Cork! And Galway! And Sligo! All of which resemble County Dublin not in the slightest, so if you’ve only been to County Dublin, have you even been to Ireland?

And if you’re interested in horses and horse racing, County Kildare is calling.

But I digress. Ireland is expensive with no signs of getting cheaper. Prepare yourself for that fact and you’ll do well. To keep up with economic and pricing shifts, read the Irish Times and the Irish Independent newspapers. Both are available for subscription online. And if you’re considering setting up a business in Ireland, consult my guide Doing Business in Ireland.

For example: renting and apartment. If you need to be within an hour commute of City Center in Dublin, rent for a small, antiquated two-bedroom apartment will be in the neighborhood of 3000 to 4000 euros and will not include parking, or insulation, and may not include central heating that you can control. It will be located on a busy street (think bus route). You will have to compete with a vast herd of well-qualified applicants for said apartment and if you are new to the country and have no rental history in Ireland (no one is interested in your former rental or credit history in your previous country), you will not be the most attractive applicant and will struggle to rent even the dingiest of dumps.

What can you do?

Two suggestions. Build a relationship with an estate agent (real estate agent). Go to see their listings (this will involve making an appointment in advance). Bring them coffee and a pain au chocolat. Find out what gin they like. Bring them a bribe… I mean a bottle. Some people offer the full rent and security deposit in cash on the spot at the first viewing. Others offer to pay over the amount of rent to secure a rental. That is up to your discretion.

****Please Note: This was true prior to the Covid-19 pandemic. It remains to be seen what long term effects the pandemic will have on housing demand and housing and rental prices in Ireland. Check my website www.robincastle.net to remain up to date on developments.

But that is the story of living within an hour commute of City Center There are cheaper rentals available outside of County Dublin in every direction and cheaper yet if you move to the Midlands (the center of Ireland), but don’t assume you can buy a cheap farm. Like Great Britain, rural properties can be more expensive than housing estates in urban areas.

A housing estate is a housing development or a neighborhood of houses (a subdivision), where all the houses were planned and built at the same time and look similar or identical. More information follows in the chapters The Irish Dwelling and City Mouse or Country Mouse.

What about the price of cars?

Cars are expensive. Some people purchase cars in the United Kingdom and transport them to Ireland to save money, but there are costs and paperwork associated with that. Others rely on public transport. Car insurance is expensive, car purchase prices are expensive, and the secondhand car market is not particularly robust. People tend to buy a car and drive it until the car drives no more. There is less trading up of cars and leasing a car, while possible, is not popular. In general, Irish people are fiscally conservative. The 2008 economic downturn hit Ireland hard and is still much discussed. Many Irish people suffered terrible financial losses during that time and it’s not likely to be forgotten soon.

Furniture is expensive. Shoes are expensive. Housing goods, like dishes and towels, are expensive However, they usually are better quality, costing more up front and then lasting longer. There is less of a quick buy, throwaway culture. Maybe because Ireland is an island and there aren’t that many places to throw things away.

Notice I have not mentioned VAT. VAT is automatically added to the price of goods, so if you are told a car costs 45,000 euros, that price is typically VAT inclusive. Finally, some good news!

Pricing Guide:

Estimated costs to help you budget, accurate as of 2020-2021. Your experience may vary. More specific information provided about transportation, education, and housing in Chapter 3, Chapter 11, and Chapter 8 respectively.

TV License: Yes friends, you have to pay €140 annually, whether you own a TV or stream on Netflix. Take this seriously. People have been jailed for not paying their TV license.

Water: Mains/public water service to house or apartment is free and considered a right, unless there is excessive usage, at which point charges will apply.

Rent: Varies by county. Currently there is a shortage of housing in County Dublin, so rent is expensive. €3000 per month for a 74 square meter (800 square foot) house with little insulation, unreliable plumbing, and old appliances would be considered a bargain.

Outside of County Dublin, a 100 square meter (1000 square foot), newer house in a housing estate with parking and a nice garden and nearby schools might rent for €700 to €1700, depending on location.

Cars: Most cars in Ireland are diesel cars with manual transmissions. 5.65 liters of diesel per kilometer or 50 miles to the gallon of diesel is fairly common. But the money saved on fuel is spent on car insurance, which is, as the Irish would say, quite dear. I came to Ireland with 30 years of driving experience and a clear driving record, no accidents. Ireland saw me as a new driver and charged me as such. Ouch. See the chapter on transportation for details.

Car insurance: For one used car for two adult drivers: €3000 per year. At a minimum. If a driver has had an accident claim within the last five years, it will be higher.

Immigration expenses: Visa appointments, PPS appointments, immigration attorney: €3000 per year for a family of four (two parents, two children) or €1500 per adult for a straightforward case. These are approximate costs that change over time. Also, different solicitors (attorneys) charge different fees. Use these fee estimates as a guide, not a promise.

Renters Insurance: Depends on value of goods insured. Get several quotes.

Trash: €300 per year

Health Insurance: Free healthcare is provided to all in Ireland, both citizens and non-citizens.

Prescription Medication: There is a €140 per month cap on the amount a family spends on prescription drugs if enrolled in the Irish prescription drug program by your GP. This is the total cost no matter how many drugs a family has been prescribed (though if the actual amount of prescriptions is less, the lower amount is paid). Ask your GP if you qualify.

Clothing: Brace yourself. Clothes and shoes are costly. There are a few shops that are cheaper, like Pennys (called Primark in other countries), but the quality is also lower.

Furniture: Also much more expensive, perhaps because of the cost of transporting it via ferry or ship to Ireland. Some furniture is made here, much of it in Navan, the furniture building capital of Ireland. Ikea has two locations in County Dublin.

Visit to GP (your general doctor): €60 to €75 per visit, which lasts 15 minutes. Longer visit equals higher cost. Healthcare is free, but visits to the GP are not.

Weekly grocery shopping: €300 for a family of four, assuming we will eat out twice.

Parking: Depending where you live in Ireland, parking can be expensive. Parking costs are location specific, so you may want to find out how much parking costs prior to relocating.

School Fees: First, there are uniforms to buy. Then there are school fees, even for public schools, which are around €300 per student per year. This does not include purchase of books, supplies, and a tablet for schoolwork, which are all extra. In total, with two uniforms, a gym uniform, the annual school fee, books, supplies, and purchase of the particular tablet and associated software the school requires, expect to spend €1000 to €1500 per student the first year and half that per student in subsequent years (assuming the tablet survived).

Please note that while the annual school fee is presented as optional, should you not pay it, your child might be treated differently. It is expected that the annual school fee will be paid. Don’t be fooled into thinking you have a choice.

Public Transportation: Cost varies, depending on whether you take the bus, the Luas, or the DART. Both our children take buses to school and to afterschool activities. One has a child LEAP card and the other has a student LEAP card, which reduces overall cost. More about LEAP cards in the TRANSPORTATION chapter.

Car maintenance: Wear and tear on the car depends on how much you drive. In cities like Dublin and Galway and Cork, you may drive very little and thus, spend less on car maintenance. When the cars do require maintenance, prices vary as in all parts of the world. Get estimates first as well as recommendations for mechanics who do good work.

Income tax: If you’re an EU citizen you won’t be subjected to double taxation, but if you are a citizen of Canada or Japan or the United States or Mexico, you may well be required to pay income tax in BOTH the country you’ve come from AND Ireland. BOTH. And tax rules vary about how much credit you’ll get for taxes already paid, meaning some countries will cut you a break for income tax paid in Ireland and some countries won’t. You’ll want to seek professional advice about your particular situation in advance of relocation or long-term residency.

Irish Attitude Toward Money

Irish people view money as a means to an end and nothing more. Money is not a goal. Obvious flaunting of money or privilege is to be avoided and is called swanning. No one cares if your car is newer or your house is more expensive. The Irish are more concerned about how you treat your neighbors and the fun and lightheartedness you bring to conversations. Irish people are not nosy or worried about what others think about their material situation.

While the above list of costs sounds dramatic and dreadful, it is part and parcel of a different way of life. A lovely way of life. It bears repeating that Irish people don’t spend their free time shopping, both due to cost and limited availability of goods. When they do buy, they are making a commitment for the long haul. There isn’t as much of a gadget culture in Ireland either. The latest and greatest gizmo? Nobody cares. Or has space for it. They are more interested in lingering over dinner at a restaurant with friends, having good craic at the pub with friends (having a good time), chatting with family over the Sunday roast, spending a quiet night in front of the fire reading a good book, or planning their next holiday.

Maybe the high cost of living is a good thing. Maybe it helps make one savor what one has and enjoy the anticipation of a hard-fought purchase. Maybe things worked for are more valued and thus more appreciated. Maybe the high cost of living is part of Ireland’s magic.

Five

You Can’t Buy That Here

Ireland is a lot of things; a shopper’s paradise is not one of them. Big box stores like Target and Walmart are prohibited in preference for small local shops, which sounds quaint and lovely except it also means there is a vast array of goods that are not available in Ireland in any way, shape, or form.

You’ll order them online, will you? Oh for the days when I still believed everything under the sun could be delivered to my door with a click of the mouse. Well friends, you might want to sit down. Sure you can order a handful of things online from Irish companies based in Ireland and they will be delivered in good order. But remember what I said about Big Box companies? That extends to Amazon, I’m sad to say. Amazon.co.uk sells bunches of things, yes they do, and five or six of them are available to be shipped to Ireland. For reasons I do not comprehend, many sellers on amazon.co.uk will not ship goods to Ireland. Ordering from companies back home and having them ship goods to Ireland is also problematic: international shipping rates are expensive.

Where does that leave us? Crying in the corner with a liter of whiskey.

Shopping trips. That’s where it leads us.

Here’s a fun idea: find a friend with a large vehicle, maybe a Citroen Picasso or a Renault Scenic or a Skoda Superb. Get tickets for the car ferry and head across the Irish Sea to Liverpool (Great Britain) for a day of shopping. You’ll have to make some customs declarations on the way back, but gosh golly, YOU BOUGHT STUFF!!!! You don’t know what an achievement that is! Things! Purchased! Yahoozy!

When you fly internationally, you’ll realize that carry-on luggage is for suckers when you can layer a bathing suit under your clothing and check a pregnant suitcase instead (a big empty suitcase with a little empty suitcase inside it)! While on holiday or business travel, you can uses your empty luggage to hold things you buy when you shop! And bring them back to Ireland in your now heavy and full luggage. There’ll be fees to bring your full bags home and customs declarations as well. But they’ll be worth it!

From snack food to variety in clothing to décor, selection in Ireland is limited simply because there aren’t that many of us. Four and half million people don’t need 97 places to buy trainers (sneakers/tennis shoes), so it’s reasonable that the number of stores suits the number of customers. If you’ve never gone on a shopping holiday before, living in Ireland just might inspire one.

Brands

Another fun surprise will be the lack of brands you know and love. Some brands are hiding out in Ireland in Witness Protection: TJ Max is called TK Max. Lays Potato Chips masquerade as Walkers Potato Crisps. But by and large, they just don’t sell it here, no matter what it is. Snow shovel? Nope. Chipotle? Nope. People Magazine? Nope. Sorry. It’s just not here. But that’s okay. Because rather than being a shopping paradise, Ireland is a Living Paradise, a place filled with enjoyment and wonder. Isn’t that better?

Although you might be missing some brands from home, you’ll definitely recognize the world-famous Irish natives: Guinness, which is a delicious, incomparable taste sensation, Baileys, Kerrygold butter, and Jameson’s whiskey. When in Ireland, you’ll also be able to enjoy Tayto crisps, Batchelor’s beans, Flahavan’s porridge, and the best tea in the world. Irish tea is just plain better.

Bargain Shopping

As you can probably guess, there isn’t any. If you find it, buy it. It won’t necessarily be restocked, and it’s likely other stores won’t have it, even at another branch of a local chain like Woodies. Buy it when and where you see it, pay for it with euros, put it into your shopper that you brought with you (extra points if your shopper is canvas or anything other than plastic), and give yourself a pat on the back for living like a local, because that’s how it works. Then go home and have a nice cup of tea and read a lovely book. Or watch Strictly Come Dancing (the original Dancing with the Stars). The Irish way of life might be different from the life you are accustomed to, but different isn’t bad and sometimes it’s wonderful.

In summary, instead of spending time and money shopping, in Ireland you get freedom. Yes, freedom. Freedom from overspending, freedom from keeping up with the Joneses, freedom from the duress of having to have the latest and greatest gadget. The Irish buy what’s available, appreciate it, and spend more time with family, friends, and pursuing hobbies because stores aren’t open most evenings, so shopping isn’t even an option.

Freedom. It feels luxurious.

V.A.T.

Technically, V.A.T. is the acronym for Value Added Tax, but it is usually written as VAT and rhymes with CAT. Have you heard about VAT? Formed an impression? Been told it’s used to finance the purchase of rainbows and pots o’ gold?

There is some antipathy toward VAT, a sense that it is an evil addition of 23% tax to goods, but friends, VAT is neither the enemy nor a medieval form of torture (that’s the unnamed roads). VAT is, dare I say, your friend. Yes. That’s correct. A good friend at that. A good friend would want you to receive medical care whether or not you were a citizen or had health insurance and VAT makes that possible. A good friend would want you to have the chance for a quality education, no matter what neighborhood you live in. A good friend would want you to have access to quality public transportation. These are just a few of the many goods that VAT helps supply. Not entirely, but in part. So think of VAT as the cost of living a high quality life. After all, you get what you pay for and being fabulous isn’t cheap.

PRO TIP: The price advertised is the price you pay. VAT is already included. If a television is advertised at a price of 800 euros, that is the price.

Six

Food

Groceries

The food is farm fresh in every grocery store. Remarkably so. Sourcing is very important in Ireland and produce is often marked with the county of origin and even the farm of origin. It’s pretty cool to purchase crisps (potato chips) from the Kelly Family Farm in County Leitrim. It makes food feel less industrial and more like real food.

Because Ireland is a geographically small country with strong agricultural production, it is easy to transport food quickly from farm to store to table. Not only do Irish vegetables, fruit, and meat taste more flavorful, they contain fewer preservatives than in some other parts of the world. Ireland is a member of the European Union (EU) and use of many preservatives is forbidden or restricted. But who needs preservatives when the cabbage is headed one hour away to the local store?

Tesco, SuperValu, Lidl, Eurospar, Spar, and Aldi are the names of the biggest supermarket chains. They range in size from large stores (by European standards) to tiny little express stores. Vegetables and fruit will tend to follow the seasons, while local beef, lamb, chicken, and fish are always available, and there is not as much processed or frozen food. There is, however, wine, which can be purchased at the grocery store, the off-licence (liquor store), and even at the fuel station (gas station).

Ready Meals and Doorstop Sandwiches

Two things the Irish do very, very well: ready meals and doorstop sandwiches. Ready meals are prepared dinners available, ready to eat with a bit of re-heating, from bigger grocery stores. They are hearty and delicious and might be roast beef and potatoes, beef stew and potatoes, or turkey and ham with gravy…and potatoes.

Busy night? Grab a few ready meals and off you go! Elderly relative struggling with cooking? Load their fridge with ready meals and they’ll be sorted. Ready meals don’t last long; it’s real food designed to be reheated within a couple of days.

Mind you, these are meals for when you’re in a pinch. This isn’t what the Irish survive on.

Doorstop sandwiches are prepared sandwiches available in groceries and often gas stations across Ireland. They look like a doorstop and while they resemble sandwiches that might be purchased out of a machine at some seedy airport at first glance, do not be confused. These are fresh and provide a quick, inexpensive lunch. The range of sandwiches is impressive: ham and cheese, chicken and stuffing, egg salad, egg and bacon, turkey, chicken salad, veggie wraps, Southern fried chicken to name a few. There will often be vegetarian options and occasionally gluten-free options, but you might have to comb through the sandwiches to find them.

Ireland has cleverly found solutions to problems. No service stations or road stops? No bother. We’ll just elevate gas station food! The first time I encountered this, I blanched. I am ashamed to say that I was hesitant to eat food from a gas station in the middle of a road trip. But after three hours of driving in scenic Ireland, I worked up the courage and I am glad I did. The sandwiches all have a sell by date and are restocked daily. Cardboard carton sandwich for one? Yes please!

Gas stations also frequently have deli counters where they prepare fresh sandwiches and hot meals. They also frequently sell a few groceries, milk and candy and bread, in addition to meals. So while there aren’t giant service plazas with restaurants and choices (except for the Barack Obama Service Plaza in Moneygal, worth a special trip for the spectacle alone. Hint: there’s a gift shop), there are gas stations where you can fill your fuel tank and your belly throughout Ireland.

Food Vocabulary

When I arrived in Ireland, I was caught off guard by the use of French names for some vegetables. Mangetout. Courgette. Aubergine. Haricots verts. These were the labels on packages. Also, some foods were just referred to by other vocabulary. A joint is food in Ireland, friends. Here are some words to help you along your way.

Mangetout: pea pods

Courgette: zucchini

Aubergine: eggplant

Haricot verts: green beans

A Joint: roast beef or roast lamb

Tea: a warm, yummy drink but also a name for the evening meal when eaten at home

Pan: sliced sandwich bread

Swede: rutabaga, a root vegetable often served in Ireland

Leaves: arugula, sometimes called rocket or baby spinach

Rashers: very thinly sliced bacon sometimes called streaky rashers

Bap: a bun

Porridge: oatmeal

Chips: French fries

Crisps: potato chips

Chipper: take away restaurant where you can get fish and chips, burgers, and Southern fried chicken

Biscuit: a cookie

Eton Mess: dessert composed of vanilla ice cream and strawberry jam

Banoffee pie: pie made with bananas and caramel

Fast Food, Food Delivery, and Great Pizza

Fast food in Ireland means picking up dinner at a chipper. A chipper is usually a small, takeout only restaurant where you can buy all things fried as well as pizza, burgers, fish and chips, southern fried chicken, and wings. Not all chippers are equal and some will serve bland cardboard dripping in oil, so ask the locals for a good one if you’re interested.

Big brand fast food restaurants like McDonalds and Burger King have very few locations in Ireland. There is a bit of fast food dotting the capital (that’s Dublin), but elsewhere, you’ll have to search for the occasional SuperMac (homegrown burger chain) and maybe a KFC once in a blue moon and that’s it. Ireland does not have a fast food culture; it’s more of a slow food country. Same with food delivery: Deliveroo and Just Eats deliver restaurant food within a narrow region in urban areas. Also, not all restaurants will allow takeout or work with food delivery services, because again, slow food culture. Sit! Enjoy! But don’t overstay your booking!

And now, for pizza. Delivery? Probably not, outside the aforementioned urban corridors and the odd local chipper. Pizza is available in Ireland, at chippers and restaurants, but it’s often not good. If you are a pizza aficionado, I would recommend you make your own at home, because I have yet to encounter decent pizza in all the land, at any restaurant and recently endured pepperoni pizza with olive oil drizzled on top. Grease with a side of grease. Proceed at your own risk.

Coffee Culture And Transformative Tea

Coffee culture is new to Ireland. I have read travel reviews that complained there was no good coffee in Ireland and I suspect that’s like someone only drinking gas station coffee in America and saying American coffee sucks. Starbucks is not as popular in Ireland as in other countries because the Irish buy local and proudly support local businesses, but good coffee is available in all parts of Ireland. Most every restaurant can provide you with a cappuccino or an espresso, and coffee in Ireland keeps improving.

A word about americanos: if you are looking for a drip coffee to which you add sugar and milk (americano), that will be more problematic. You will find it at Starbucks, of which there are few and at Insomnia, of which there are many. The quality of the americano will vary widely and often toward the less pleasing end of the spectrum.

Might I suggest dipping your toe into the pond of dreams that is cappuccino? It’s just espresso and frothed milk, no sugar added. It might make you run faster and jump higher and it will definitely make you smile. Also, tea…tea in Ireland is dreamy. It’s stronger and yet smoother and more delicious and if you order tea in a restaurant, they will assume you mean hot tea (iced tea isn’t available in Ireland) and they will bring you a cute little ceramic pot of lovely hot tea that will definitely give you superpowers if consumed regularly.

High tea, where you book an afternoon appointment at a hotel to eat a tower of pastries and sip tea or champagne (or prosecco) is mostly for tourists. You’ll likely not spot the locals indulging. But no harm in it! There are several fancy hotels that do up a lovely afternoon tea. Check for the dress code when you make your booking.

Restaurants

Restaurants in Ireland almost universally require booking in advance (reservations) and will be closed between 3pm to 5pm or 2pm to 6pm, so don’t assume you can waltz in for a late lunch. When you arrange your booking, be sure to ask if you’ve been booked into a time slot, like 6-8 or 7-9. Some restaurants have open-ended bookings (reservations) and others book you in for a particular time period and won’t be graceful about telling you when your time is up. For example, if you’ve made a 7-9 booking, they will start hurrying you along at 8:30 and by 8:50 they will be pulling your arms through your coat sleeves if you look too comfortable. Communicate that you will be leaving on time and they will leave you in peace: “I’ll just finish my coffee and we’ll be leaving in ten minutes” or something similar. Tipping is not required but is appreciated---generally a few euros will suffice.

Pub food is reliable comfort food. Fish and chips, soup of the day (served puréed), and seafood chowder are standard fare, in addition to the ubiquitous burgers and chicken wings. Fair warning: Irish burgers are often on the dry side due to cooking regulations and chicken wings are not spicy, which makes them an option for kids who are picky eaters.

On Sundays, many restaurants and pubs throughout Ireland serve a Sunday roast, typically roast beef or lamb with gravy and at least two if not three types of potatoes and a vegetable. Pubs are more casual, so you may not need a booking.

Three types of potatoes. You read that correctly. Perhaps one or two small boiled potatoes, a cheesy potato concoction, and a roasted potato, but there you are---you have your potatoes. Don’t bother to joke about the plethora of potatoes; it’s expected in Ireland and the waitstaff won’t catch your meaning. Potatoes are a staple and you’ll likely find some on your plate no matter what you order. Potatoes are to Ireland as rice is to China.

A note about pubs in Ireland. Some have confused pubs and bars and my friends, they could not be more different. Bars are exclusively for booze. Bars don’t serve food, rarely allow children, and usually open later.

Pubs in Ireland are for socializing, a quick meal, and always a laugh. That being said, you will definitely find beer on tap and a limited selection of wine and spirits at a pub and no one will look askance if you enjoy a drink or two with your dinner. But you can also waltz into a pub and order a soda or tea or maybe even a cappuccino. Just please, I beg you, always remember that public drunkenness is frowned upon in Ireland and it is only the tourists who are staggering around Temple Bar drunk as demons, the poor things.

To be clear, the pub is never the place for that. Serious drinking is done at home in Ireland and with good reason. There are severe penalties for drunk driving and bar bills are expensive. Both are best avoided. Do like the Irish and savor one drink at the pub while chatting or enjoying a quick bite.

Breakfast in Ireland? A fry up is traditional, sometimes called a fry or a full Irish. It’s a lot of fried food and includes black and white blood pudding, eggs, sausage, bacon, a tomato slice, and mushrooms. It’s a lot of food. Porridge will always be available, as will eggs and toast. No Irish person would consume a fry up daily, by the way. It’s more of a thing for special occasions. Also, healthy breakfast choices abound. Yogurt and fruit. Even spelt porridge and nuts. Just ask.

Lunch in Ireland? If you’re in a hurry, do like the locals and get a Meal Deal at Tesco: boxed sandwich, crisps or fruit, and a drink. Looking for a healthier option? Next to the Meal Deal you’ll find salads ready to go, both fruit and veg. Like the sandwiches, they tend to be fresh and frequently replaced (check the expiry date to be sure). Have more time? Book into a restaurant ahead of time. The need for advanced planning for lunch is a drag, but it will prevent you from wasting your lunch hour waiting for a table. Otherwise you could always slip into a pub or get lucky and find a table at a café for some fresh soup or seafood chowder and brown bread (gluten-free if you ask). Warm your hands with a nice tea or a half pint of Guinness.

Guinness.

Guinness looks weird and tastes amazing. If you’ve had it served out of a can, yuck! Exorcise that from your brain. Try Guinness fresh out of the tap in Ireland. Calling it ‘beer’ or ‘stout’ doesn’t do it justice. It must be tasted, if you can tolerate alcohol. And for some reason, it tastes better in Ireland than anywhere else. Fresher, perhaps?

Mexican Food or the regrettable lack thereof

The Irish do many things well, but Mexican food is the rare exception. The Irish have notions about what Mexican food is. Throw on some bacon or a few peppers and presto change-o it’s Mexican! Even burritos in Ireland are more vaguely Mexican influenced than authentically Mexican. There is a huge business opportunity for some ambitious soul to bring authentic Mexican food to Ireland, where Vietnamese, authentic Chinese, and Indian food already thrive.

But seafood? Fresh! Tapas? Amazing. Same with Thai, Italian, and chippers: find a good one and you’ll be great. Just please don’t ask for corned beef and cabbage. It’s not Irish. Never was.

Common Items on The Menu

Vegetarian and gluten-free options are widely available (you might have to ask). Vegan options will be more challenging to find. Restaurant menus are required by law to spell out potential allergens so those with food allergies can make good choices.

If you’d like to try some food commonly served in Ireland, here is a short list of dishes that are regularly served in restaurants across Ireland:

Scones with jam and fresh cream or butter

Fresh brown bread

A fry up (also known as a full Irish)

Beetroot salad with goat cheese is commonly served right now. The goat cheese is often fried, so beware.

Seafood chowder

Guinness stew made with Guinness and lamb.

Beef stew

Fish. Always fish. There are so many lovely varieties of fresh caught fish. FISH!

Roast beef

Fish and chips, but only from a high-quality chipper recommended by locals or from a pub.

Ham and cabbage with white sauce. Not health food, but a common meal in pubs and it is delicious.

Bangers and mash: sausages and mashed potatoes in onion gravy. Heaven on a plate.

Shepherd’s pie: minced lamb (ground lamb) covered in a layer of veg and mashed potatoes.

Pub lasagna not to be confused with Italian food, it is meaty and saucy and delicious.

Spice bag: available from chippers, especially Chinese chippers. It can be quite spicy. Basically, it’s chips and chicken, but spicy.

Tea: if you don’t try Irish tea, you’re missing out.

One final note: while grocery stores may be on the smaller side, don’t forget to try the Asian markets (of which there are many), the Polish shops, Brazilian shops, Italian shops, in addition to the cheese shops, the bakeries, the butcher shops, and the fishmongers for more selection.

Seven

Language: How Hard Could It Be?

But really, how hard could it be? If you speak English and the Irish speak English, easy peasy lemon squeezy! Which I hear means it’s easy. But alas, my dear friends, many a corporate leader has descended upon Ireland only to discover that communication was fraught. Complex. Frustrating, even.

Why?

Two reasons. Two very simple reasons, lovely people.

How English is spoken in Ireland and how English is spoken in Ireland: the cultural norms that dictate how loudly we speak, how far we stand from others when speaking, how direct we are in our speech, if emotion is shown or suppressed, if embellishing is tolerated, and what about self-promotion? The other bit is just words. Dialect. Accent. Trust me friends. It’s the far easier part to catch onto.

But never fear! That’s why we’re here!

The Irish manner of communication is quite different from other speakers of English. There aren’t as many casual abbreviations of words as our cool Aussie friends use and self-promotion is to be avoided at all cost. There are many terms for this in the Irish dialect and to be accused of this could be the kiss of death to a new friendship and would even strain a business relationship. But I’ve gotten ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning.

Imagine you’ve just landed in Ireland and are meeting a new acquaintance for coffee. Well done you, getting out there and making friends! For reasons I do not understand, there will most likely be loud pop music playing in the café, even if the café is rather posh. Perhaps because spaces are small, loud music is used as an auditory barrier to provide an illusion of privacy? Given the loud environment, you might assume your new Irish acquaintance will speak louder to compensate.

They will not.

Not even a little.

In fact, they might speak more quietly because you’re in public, and the Irish like to keep to themselves in public. Meaning they don’t go around greeting strangers or wishing unknown humans a good day. They keep to themselves and expect others to as well. So even with the blaring pop music, they will speak quietly. And by quietly, friends, be prepared for something just slightly above a whisper. Boisterous laughter is not well regarded, depending on the place. Save that for the pub or home.

I suspect the Irish have supersonic hearing, developed out of necessity. I have normal hearing, so regrettably, I have spent far too many conversations in Ireland smiling and nodding, which I do not recommend. If I could offer one strong tip prior to embarking on an adventure in Ireland it would be this: practice. Practice listening, even if you are blessed with very good hearing. Friends, it will do you a world of good. This would work best with a stranger, if you could recruit a good-natured soul to practice English with, particularly if you are a native speaker of English. Speakers of other languages listen harder than we native speakers do. Recruit a good soul, play loud pop music, sit closer to them than you are comfortable without being creepy because NO, nothing about this exercise is an excuse to be creepy, and encourage them to speak to you in a quieter-than-typical voice. Repeat this exercise until you can write every word they’ve said verbatim.

You won’t follow my advice and practice. But you should. Believe me.

You’ll assume. You have good hearing. This won’t be a problem. Sure Irish people stand close together when speaking. Personal space is at a premium, no bother (no problem). But the listening garbage? You’re sorted, right?

Maybe not, because of the second part of the equation: how the Irish speak English. Meaning dialect. And words. And accents. And phrases that might mean the contrary of what you’re accustomed to them meaning. So there’s that. And just like everywhere else in the world, some people speak very quickly. There you are in the café with a new acquaintance and loud pop music and they are talking and you pick out the words swan and notions and something about the neck of him, but what does any of it mean?

A few helpful words and phrases are listed below. Practice makes perfect and once you’re living in Ireland, every day will bring practice. In the meantime, you might make the effort to read the Irish Times or the Irish Independent newspapers online, so you’ll be familiar with current events and listen to videos with native Irish speakers in them. RTÉ is the Irish public television company and there’s an RTÉ player online you might be able to watch, depending on where in the world you’re located. But if not, look for videos by Irish people who still live in Ireland online. And remember, it all gets better with practice. Preparation is the key to success, friends. It might be a bit uncomfortable, but it is worth the effort.

Social Norms

Personal space in Ireland is less, so you may find yourself sitting on the lap of the person at the next table at a restaurant, but the expectation is that you will not interact. Or make eye contact. No matter how close you are. Because public spaces are small and personal autonomy is respected, you are allotted a certain privacy in Ireland, even in public. This privacy evaporates should you require help. It also means that if an elderly person is crossing the road and the traffic light turns green, no one will move. Or honk. Or shout. You are expected to respect the autonomy and privacy of the person crossing the street and remain silent. If this takes five cycles of the traffic light, then you patiently wait until they have crossed. Additionally, should the person crossing show signs of distress or a real need for assistance, many will jump out of their cars and rise to the occasion. When the necessary assistance is completed, there will be an instant resumption of the rules of privacy and personal autonomy with no need for thanks or displays of emotion, which would be unwelcome.

Care for a real life example?

On a bus headed to City Center a man got on and tried to pay the bus driver with a 50 euro bill. Bus drivers are not allowed to provide change and the payment machine on the bus does not take 50 euro bills. The man, who was not Irish, started to make a fuss and shouted at the bus driver. This caused those already on the bus and minding their own business to break the laws of Irish autonomy and privacy and get involved. The Irish dislike a ruckus and one should not inconvenience a bus full of people for one’s own advantage. After advising the man gently that he could not get on the bus because he could not pay, the man went into a rage, screaming and yelling and having a tantrum. Several people on the bus helped the man to exit the bus calmly, and with the matter resolved, the laws of privacy and autonomy resumed without much discussion.

The above example of waiting for an elderly person to cross the road is also factual. Irish people don’t prioritize their own personal needs or wants above those of strangers. It makes for a very civilized society.

The Irish are kinder and gentler with each other, even when they are upset. The older generation is known to say yes to everything, even if they mean no, because they don’t want to be disagreeable or hurt your feelings. Conflict is avoided. Rigorously. Irish people who’ve lived abroad tend to be more straightforward, but in general, the Irish are circumspect and careful with their tone and their word choice.

Except when they’re watching hurling at the pub. Then they’ll be as shouty as any group you’ve ever heard.

Don’t mistake gentle speech for being passive. They’ll do what they want. They just won’t tell it to your face.

Also, personal questions are verboten. No no no. Politics, interestingly, is a common topic of conversation, as are current events. Different opinions are welcomed, and it is common to hear radio programs with guests from three or four disparate political groups discussing an issue calmly and respectfully. Current events, the weather, and holiday plans are also fair game. Avoid talk of The Troubles, the IRA, car bombs, or any of that. Do not make jokes about it. Any mention of these topics from you, an outsider, could get you tossed out of a pub. Seriously.

Pub behavior is not the same as street or work behavior, just like everywhere else. Pubs are boisterous, happy places where sport is watched on TV and teams are cheered on loudly, politics might be discussed with a bartender, and people are friendlier in general. Don’t mistake pub behavior for restaurant behavior. Ever.

To review, the Irish stand closer when speaking, have supersonic hearing, are gentle with their words and patient with strangers. Now we’re ready to continue.

Dialects, Expressions, And What About Gaelic?

Let’s start with Gaelic. It’s an adjective in Ireland, not a noun and never the name of a language. The Irish language is referred to as Irish or as Gaeilge (gwel-guh), rather than being called Gaelic.

Gaeigle is everywhere. From the airport to road signs to exam test booklets, you won’t be able to avoid the Irish language. For a language that most Irish citizens do not read or write, it is pervasive.

Irish language is a required subject for school children and some Irish words do make their way into everyday life. For example, fáilte (pronounced fawl-cha) means welcome and is posted everywhere from the airport to shopping centers to villages.

Slán (rhymes with wan and means goodbye) or slán abhaile (pronounced slawn avail and means bye, get home safe) are also common. Occasionally you might see go raibh maith agat (pronounced guh ruh mah a-gut) which means thank you. And of course, there’s sláinte (slawncha) which is a toast that means ‘to your health’.

What do people in Ireland speak daily? Hiberno English. It’s a dialect of English unique to Ireland, with its own expressions and sayings and sometimes different meanings for words.

Hiberno English Primer: A guide to the English Spoken in Ireland

The English spoken in Ireland is called Hiberno English and it is uniquely Irish. It is not uniformly pronounced, as there are hundreds of different sub-dialects that have their own unique pronunciations. There are also different expressions, some of which are very different from American or Canadian English. Don’t try to copy them. Ever. Just use your own accent. Everyone will understand you, thanks to the wide array of international television programs and films available in Ireland.

In America, there are regional accents as people in the American South use different pronunciations than do people living in other parts of America. This applies in Ireland as well, with sub-dialects that are even more localized. Perhaps because transportation was difficult and traveling across country in Ireland was a nightmare until the 1970s when the first motorway was created. Until then it was local roads, many of them no wider than your car and designed for medieval carts, not modern transport. But a list of dialects won’t help you here. Over time you’ll become familiar with the local accent where you settle and soon recognize those that aren’t local and that will be enough.

Some helpful hints for Hiberno English to get you started. Remember, never use a fake Irish accent. It’s embarrassing. For you. And annoying to Irish people.

But first, a real surprise: DO NOT offer anyone in Ireland a ride unless you want to have sex with them. If you want to transport them by car, you offer a lift. Ridey is sometimes used casually as an adjective to mean sexy. Avoid the word ride altogether to stay out of trouble.

Ma’am and guys are words that aren’t used in Ireland. Sir is uncommon.

Hiberno English Expressions

No bother: many meanings, from no problem to okay to you’re welcome. Very common.

Lads: a casual term referring to a group of males or a mixed gender group (use instead of ‘guys’)

Fiver: a five euro bill

Tenner: a ten euro bill

Craic: fun, a good time. Pronounced crack, it is commonly used. “It was good craic.”

Need the washroom/bathroom? Ask for the toilet. This was hard for me and I still cringe a little, because old habits die hard. ‘Where is the toilet?’ will get you sorted.

Grand. Let’s talk about grand. How are you today? Grand. How are the kids? Grand. It doesn’t necessarily mean everything is wonderful, it’s just a default reply.

Thanks a million. Because thanks a hundred is not enough. Thanks a million is a common expression.

Taoiseach: you can’t pick up a newspaper without spotting this little beauty. It means Prime Minister and is pronounced tee-shock.

This may seem as fun as a lightning strike, but the good news is they will likely understand you, even if you can’t understand them. Why? Television. TV programming from around the globe airs in Ireland, so accents Australian, Canadian, and beyond are familiar and understood. The fun part is that just when you start to understand one Irish accent, you’ll walk ten meters and hear another. There are variations aplenty, but if you gently ask people to repeat what they’ve said, they’ll oblige and you’ll be grand.

Not understanding can be overwhelming. It just takes time. Speak with a few people every day, watch some RTÉ (TV station in Ireland), and work at your own pace. Maybe practice down at the pub. Soon enough you’ll understand Irish expressions and a regional accent or two and really, that’s all you need. In the meantime, look at conversations as an adventure, be quick to laugh at misunderstandings, and enjoy the journey!

Eight

The Irish Dwelling and Its Quirks and Features

You might not think Irish dwellings require an entire chapter, but friends, I endured cold showers for a month when I first arrived and have the nightmares to prove it. We could not figure out why hot water didn’t come out of the taps (faucets). The landlord, not the most gracious soul, gave a hasty demonstration the day we arrived, but jet lag clouded our brains and we absorbed nothing. We looked online for help with hot water heaters in Ireland, but it wasn’t helpful as we were using the wrong words. Ask a gobblygook question, get a gobblygook answer. Knowing the correct names for things is vital. This chapter is chock full of details so you have all the information you’ll need to ask the right questions, not be surprised, and enjoy your first days in glorious Ireland.

First, some vocabulary:

Semi-detached house: A house glued to another house and sharing interior walls on one side

Terraced house: A house smack in the middle of other houses, sharing interior walls on both sides. Sometimes called a row house in other countries because it’s part of a long row of houses all stuck together.

Detached house: One little lonely house, all by itself with no shared interior walls.

Apartment: Not typically called a flat in Ireland, an apartment can be located in a large apartment building or more commonly as a few rooms chopped out of an old house.

Room For Rent: Commonly available in cities in Ireland. Rent a bedroom in a house and live with the homeowner and their family. Because housing is so expensive in Ireland, renting a room helps both the homeowner and renter financially.

Student Accommodation: Grungy apartments for students. Often small.

Bedsit: This can literally be a closet with a bed in it. Cheapest form of accommodation, it’s tiny and only found in cities.

Housing Estate: Sometimes called a housing development or a planned community in other countries, it is a neighborhood full of similar with small yards and separate driveways.

Garden: Yard

Footpath: Sidewalk

Aspect: What direction the house faces, north/south/east/west

Mod Cons: Modern conveniences. Central heat and hot water. Always ask if a dwelling has mod cons. It may not.

Side Return: A path from the front yard to the backyard along the side of the house.

Parking: Never assume it’s included, even with a house. Ask for the exact number of parking spots, which is a regular and expected question in Ireland.

BER Rating: This is the rating of how much insulation a home has. There is a sliding scale from A-G, from most to least insulation. BER ratings are posted in real estate ads and are predictive of heating costs---houses with less insulation cost more to heat.

Renting a House

Let’s get started. Imagine you will be renting a semi-detached house in Dublin for two months and you want to know what to expect. Not from the city or neighborhood, but from the house itself. Because it will be different. But different isn’t bad. It’s just different.

If you rent a semi-detached house or an apartment, there may be a sitting room (living room), an eat-in kitchen or a small kitchen and a separate dining room, bedroom(s), and a bathroom or two. That will likely be all the rooms. The kitchen will be small and will include the laundry facilities, likely to be just a washing machine right under the counter staring up at the sink full of dirty dishes.

If you rent a detached house, called a single-family house or a freestanding house in other countries, you may also gain a larger kitchen, a separate laundry room, and a half bath (guest WC).

The Kitchen

The hub of the home, the warmth of the hearth, homemaking central. Irish kitchens generally have smaller refrigerators, a cooker (stove), sink, and a dishwasher and washing machine.

If there is only one laundry machine in an Irish house, it may be a combination washer and dryer, which is pretty cool. Put clothes in, set them to wash and dry, and voilà! With no input or inconvenience, you come home to clean and dry towels. With a few caveats. For whatever reason the dual washer/dryers, take forever to wash and dry one load. Like six hours. And washers in Ireland are rated by how much wet laundry they can hold. For example, a tiny and useless washer would have a three-kilogram capacity, because it can only hold three kilograms of wet laundry. That’s about two towels. Useless.

Stories of a mysterious ten-kilogram capacity washer abound, the Loch Ness monster of laundry machines, but friends, does it really exist if no one has ever seen such a creature in person? I think not. Nine kilograms is the largest capacity washer I have laid eyes on. Capacity in separate, freestanding dryer units works the same way. If you listen carefully while you’re here, you might even hear the whisper of the mythical ten-kilogram dryer.

Dryers in Ireland are amazing because they are ventless. If you move into a very old, very precious Georgian building, you can’t just drill through the historic brick walls to vent your dryer (which would likely vent right near your neighbor’s window anyway). So the dryer just dries the clothes without a vent, collects the moisture from the wet clothes into a container, and all you have to do is empty the container with every load. You just dump the water down the drain. It’s as easy as that. This is called a condenser dryer and you can place it anywhere there’s an electric outlet, because condenser dryers use a standard Irish electrical plug and a standard electrical outlet. Yeah. Ireland has got appliances figured out.

Now the fridge situation is a bit different. Be careful. Super small fridges that fit underneath the counter are still common in Ireland. I once rented an Airbnb (vacation rental house) in Dingle and was surprised to find the dreaded under-counter fridge, which fit surprisingly little food. There must be an art to living with an under-counter fridge that I sadly have yet to master and likely involves a daily trip for groceries. Once again, don’t assume. If a larger fridge is important to you in your rental or vacation house, ask for measurements or photos.

But on the latest and greatest front, what the Irish call an “American” fridge is gaining popularity in Ireland. It is not as ginormous as fridges I have seen in America, but it is the height of an adult, about three feet wide, and counter depth. Sometimes it includes a water dispenser!

More vocabulary!

Immersion: Hot water heater

Hot Press: Home of the immersion

Press: Cabinet, like a kitchen cabinet

Worktops: Countertops

Splashback: Backsplash

Hob: Cooktop

Cooker: Stove

Induction Cooktop: Energy efficient cooktop that heats and cools quickly. Only works with stainless steel pots (not aluminum).

Power Shower: Your best friend. Produces hot water and water pressure for a shower whether the immersion is on or not. Works instantly. You need a power shower.

The Ensuite: bathroom attached to largest bedroom

Mains Water: public water system

Private Sewerage or Biocycle: septic system

OFCH: oil fueled central heat

GFCH: natural gas fueled central heat

Roof Light or Roof Window: Skylight

There was an induction cooktop at one of the rental houses we lived in upon arriving in Ireland. Unfamiliar with cooking on an induction cooktop, I was disappointed. Half my pots and pans weren’t compatible because only stainless steel pots can be used on an induction cooktop. But induction is wonderful! Should you be blessed with induction, fear not! It is fabulous. Heats fast, cools fast, and is more precise about temperature adjustment. Induction is wonderful and common in Ireland.

Do I need to mention that everything is going to be a bit smaller? You know that already, right? From the fridge to the washer to the kitchen itself, everything will be scaled down, but hey, you’re in Ireland! Less square meterage/less square footage equals less to clean! You’ll be so busy staring at the beauty that is Ireland that you won’t even notice.

Most Irish kitchens contain a small table and four chairs. And a microwave. And that concludes our tour! Some will have a hot water heater hanging on the wall, some won’t.

Adapters, Transformers, and Electrics

If you are considering relocating to Ireland, don’t bring your heavy duty stand mixer or your immersion blender. Irish outlets have a different output voltage, so sell those or give them to a friend and buy new, smaller versions that have proper plugs and correct voltage once you’ve arrived in Ireland.

I did mention that I lugged my behemoth Kitchenaid mixer to Ireland with me, right? Yeah. I dust it once in a while.

Hot Water

Did you think I would move on from the kitchen without talking about hot water? You’re going to want to sit down for this. Hot water requires planning. You heard me. Planning. You have to say, hmmmm, I’m going to wash dishes after dinner, so while I’m cooking, I’ll turn on the immersion. The immersion. A god to which you will soon pray. The source of all hot water in Irish homes.

If you lived somewhere where hot water was stored in a hot water tank and always available, the immersion can take some getting used to. There is no hot water at the ready in Irish homes. But never fear! A flick of a switch and 30-40 minutes later, depending on how robust your immersion is, hot water will be available. This innovation occurred because it was too expensive to have the immersion running constantly, so this method of only heating water when hot water is required saves energy and cost. You only heat the water you are going to use. Brilliant! Dishes done, flip the switch and turn the immersion off before going to bed. Want a shower? Better leave the immersion on a bit longer.

The immersion will say kitchen or bath on it. It’s not literal. Kitchen means half the tank will heat. Bath means the entire tank will heat. Again, saves energy and money.

The WC

If you’re lucky, your semi-detached house might have a guest WC, sometimes written W/C for reasons I do not understand. The WC in Ireland is called a half bath, a powder room, or a water closet in other countries. It is a small room with a toilet and tiny sink. Call it what you like, it will be somewhere on the main floor of the house, often kitchen adjacent.

Let’s Talk Electricity

Your lovely new rental has full electrics, but the iron won’t heat. It’s plugged in. What could be wrong?

In Ireland, each individual electric socket has its own on/off switch. Turn on the switch and turn on the power. Turn off the switch and no power will be available to that particular socket. When you depress the switch and the red part is showing, the electricity is flowing!

Sockets require three prong plugs, the same type used in England, Hong Kong, Northern Ireland, Wales, and Scotland.

Adapters and transformers for different types of plugs are readily available, but take care when using appliances that generate heat or use a lot of electricity. Remember, it’s not just the plugs that are different. It’s the voltage as well and you may require a power transformer in addition to an adapter. Ideally, replace these devices with units from Ireland for safety reasons.

Have we talked about the heating yet? Ireland has a mild climate, but it does get cold and it can snow occasionally. Central heating generally takes the following forms:

Radiators and a boiler: this is the most common form. The heat runs on a programmed timer and will not be on all the time, only at selected intervals for selected lengths of time. Why? Cost and energy efficiency.

Underfloor heating: Each room is heated continuously with an individual thermostat.

Air to water heat pump: Provides heat in winter and air cooling in summer. Not widely available but seen on renovated houses and on some new construction. Like all heat pumps, it apparently doesn’t get very warm in the winter, but it does keep the pipes from freezing.

Fireplace: Most Irish homes have some type of fireplace, often wood burning. Believe it or not, people still burn coal in Ireland and peat bricks are also widely available for burning in a fireplace.

Overall, heating may not be as warm as you are accustomed. The Irish are well acclimated to a cooler temperature, as you will experience in stores and restaurants year-round. There is little heating and cooling in public spaces in Ireland. Because the climate is mild and the Irish people hearty, there is no need. But at home, mind you, I do like it a little toastier. Another peat brick on the fire, please!

Things Not Found in Ireland

All right, there are a few things you may have seen in other parts of the world that you will not commonly find in Ireland. Or find at all.

Window screens in houses: Nope. Not even offered as an option when replacing windows.

Garages: While smaller, shed-like garages are attached to some houses, these do not fit cars and are used mainly for storage (or converted to living space). Never fear, car aficionados! The climate is remarkably, miraculously car friendly. Many ten-year-old cars in Ireland have paint that looks brand new. Because the weather is neither very hot nor very cold and the sun is not scorching, cars thrive outdoors and don’t age as quickly as they do in other climates. Humans too.

American-Syle Hot Water Tanks: Nope.

Gas Forced Hot Air Furnace With Blower: This style furnace doesn’t exist in Ireland because there is no need for it. The Irish climate is mild and rarely gets below freezing.

Vinyl siding: Nope.

***Note: Nope is a casual word for saying NO that I quite like.

Nine

City Mouse Or Country Mouse?

I thought I was a city person prior to moving to Ireland. I believed I needed the amenities of a city to be happy. Life is different in Ireland and if I could only offer one piece of advice to someone considering relocating to Ireland it would be this: if at all possible, do not move to County Dublin. It’s not just that it’s expensive, there’s no parking, and tons of traffic on roads that are laughably undersized---it’s that everything is much more expensive, you are competing to get a plumber to show up, and your landlord has you over a barrel.

It’s not County Dublin’s fault; it’s that one-third of the population lives in a space designed to accommodate twelve. Living in County Dublin is like pretending you’re perfectly happy wearing a size 4 shoe when you require a size 12. It’s never going to be nice or graceful or easy. If you must live there, you must. But what if you could live better somewhere else?

Move to Galway! Or Cork! Or Tullamore! Experience the beauty of Ireland in a decent home you aren’t gouged for and where a plumber or electrician will actually show up!

City life has requirements in order to be enjoyable: transport links and a reasonable amount of terrible housing. Dublin offers none of this. There is literally one lane, ONE, that connects City Center with the southern suburbs known as South County Dublin. During most of the work week, that means it takes 1.5 hours to drive 8 kilometers.. Oh but you’ve been to Dun Laoghaire (pronounced done leary) and want to live by the sea? Perhaps the restaurants in Monkstown are calling to you, as are the modern terraced houses in Honeypark…do not do it. Just don’t. Unless your life depends upon it and then, well, yes. If it is the dream of your life to live in a decrepit, drafty, tiny apartment in noisy City Center paying through the nose, who am I to stop you?

But there are other possibilities. Consider those. Travel. Look about. Galway could offer the best of both worlds and so could parts of Cork.

In my early staggering about in Ireland, we settled in Dundrum. Disastrously. Both because of the falling down condition of the semi-detached house and the loud, rude neighbours on the other side of the common wall, but there was more. Being on a busy road, across from likely the busiest mall in the country, was not great a quality of life for a lover of quiet.

On we moved. To South County Dublin. The commuter suburbs. What can I say? It was near the Irish Sea. Near the lovely villages of Dalkey and the DART and little else. Regrettably, we lived in yet another overpriced dump. That is also true. There’s plenty of good housing in Ireland, but currently County Dublin rentals aren’t up to snuff because they don’t have to be. There are no real penalties for slum lords, and overwhelming, desperate demand for rental housing means they are not motivated to conduct even basic maintenance, much less repairs.. Our little rental had emotional plumbing. Sometimes, it was just too upset to work.

But when we visited Irish people who owned their own homes, we began to realize what was possible. A better life in a better house and quite possibly, at a lower cost. We explore County Wicklow. County Kildare. County Offaly (pronounced awfully. No joke). I became quite smitten with the area around Tullamore and its brand new shiny houses and promise of a fresh start, but it didn’t work for the rest of my family, who weren’t convinced that a three-hour round trip commute to City Center each day was in their best interest. Wimps.

We continued to search and learned a lot about Ireland in the process. Who knew that Drogheda in County Louth was the third largest town in Ireland with a population of over 41,000? Northern Ireland also called to me, just a short drive north on the M1 to a wide variety of amenities and plenty of open land. The uncertainty of Brexit put the kibosh on that dream. Better to look elsewhere.

So where?

We kept looking. There was no great science, no spreadsheets (well, maybe one spreadsheet) and we drove and explored and looked at houses (which you have to make an appointment well in advance to see, days or even a week in advance). We would look at two or three houses, explore the village and restaurants, try to find the local bank and hospital, and then we calculated the commute to work. And unfortunately friends, Google maps is good at many things, but calculating commute times in Ireland is not one of them. Google maps doesn’t realize many roads in Ireland are one lane and very narrow, or that other roads are barely paved. It assesses commute times as though everywhere has paved, straight, dual carriage roads (like R or N roads). Unless the commute is entirely on M and N roads, double the commute time estimated by Google maps. Or buy a magic carpet for transport.

On one of our many weekend house viewings, we drove up to a house with land. Okay, a little land. A large garden, really. But space! And quiet! And a sliver of a view of sheep! I am not an emotional house buyer, but this house called to me. Buy me! Live here!

I resisted. Where would I shop? Bank? Meet friends?

This house needed work, had an undetermined amount of deferred maintenance, and had a rough looking exterior. Would the plumbing work? I was already aware nothing could be left to chance---assuming is fraught.

Night and day, I tried to talk myself out of buying this house. We weren’t looking for a project, or as some would say, a fixer-upper. And this house needed it all. But it felt good, it was a manageable size that would accommodate the family, and there was room for gardening and growing vegetables. What to do?

First step was a survey, a lightweight inspection, and then I called in a plumber and an electrician to conduct further inspections while still trying 57 different ways to talk myself out of buying this house. But how could I, when it’s located 15 minutes from everything with sheep for neighbors and more convenience than I ever had in South County Dublin?

Read that last sentence again.

Did I mention it’s cheaper?

It is cheaper.

When you first arrive in Ireland, it will be a whirlwind, full of things to learn and do and not a great time to make long-term decisions. Rent the least horrible house or apartment you can afford, confident in the knowledge that Ireland is full of wonderful homes, most located outside of County Dublin, and take your time. Explore villages. Pubs. Where do you feel comfortable? Unless you are a cash buyer, you will need to establish yourself in Ireland for a few years in order to qualify for a mortgage anyway. Use that time. Go see houses. House viewings require appointments and are usually scheduled during the work week, though sometimes there are Saturday viewings.

PRO TIP: don’t ask to see a house on a Sunday. They will laugh at you. Or be offended.

Internet

Is there internet in the countryside?

Yes There Is And It’s MARVELOUS!

A few years back, Ireland commenced an ongoing initiative to spread internet throughout the land, because at the time it was only available in cities. The government wanted to future-proof the effort, so they installed fiber optic cables in rural and semi-rural areas previously devoid of internet service. There are maps online, if you want to see what areas are covered. When I moved from South County Dublin, I traded pathetic 16 up, 30 down for 1000 up, 1000 down and did I mention, it’s cheaper? To be clear, outside of County Dublin I have far better internet speeds both up and down and it’s cheaper.

Your experience will vary based on where you decide to settle, but Ireland is fairly transparent about internet speed and cost of service. Much of this information can be found online. Remember that it differs county to county and sometimes within county. Just because County Wexford has a certain speed internet available does not mean County Tipperary will. Or vice versa.

Perhaps cost and quiet are not drivers in your decision where to settle in Ireland, but at least consider living somewhere other than County Dublin. If you must live in County Dublin, look inward and consider what you’ve done to deserve such a fate. You will enjoy fine restaurants, concerts, and boutique shopping, yes, but you will also have to endure the noise and pay more for parking than you paid to purchase the car. Nonetheless, the real beauty and heart of Ireland lies elsewhere.

If you can’t live outside County Dublin, you can at least visit. Don’t miss it.

Ten

Education In Ireland

You may want to familiarize yourself with the Irish educational system even if you don’t have children, so you’ll understand when others reference it and also so you can identify people’s educational credentials. Or lack thereof.

Schooling for youth is divided into primary and secondary, with primary lasting ten years and beginning at age 4 or 5 and secondary lasting six years and beginning around age 12 or 13.

A few facts: there are both public and fee-paying schools. Many of the public schools still have a religious orientation. All schools require uniforms, which serve the purpose of making schoolchildren, even older ones, easy to recognize. Adults in Ireland look out for the children, which is handy, because in cities, there are no school buses. That’s right. The schoolchildren jump right on the local bus and pay with their child LEAP card. Pretty convenient for working parents, right?

In the countryside, there are school buses, but it won’t surprise you to hear many parents drive their children to school. At least that won’t surprise you if you’ve seen the barely paved, excruciatingly narrow medieval cart paths that pass for roads in some parts of Ireland (often unnamed, by the way).

Public school does not charge tuition, though there are school fees, and parents are required to purchase school uniforms and school supplies. Fee-paying schools charge varied tuitions, but the common denominator is students will wear uniforms.

Gosh I’m glad that boring bit is over. Now to the good news/bad news part, which I’ll begin with a story. When my family and I arrived in Ireland, all shiny and wet behind the ears, we failed to realize we had set our children up for trouble. Real trouble. One had already graduated secondary and we thought university would be next. Just waltz right into the admissions office at any old college on the island and say, “I’m here,” and they’d smile in delight and hand over the key to the university, because why not?

That did not happen.

International students will face entrance requirements that vary by school, just like in the rest of the world. Contact admissions as early as possible to learn about requirements. Also, remember that university tuition in Ireland is divided into three categories: Irish citizen, EU citizen, and international student, with fees increasing for each category.

Because one of our children attended secondary school in Ireland, we have experienced the Leaving Certificate preparation and stress and the pressure put on students. This is because the Leaving Certificate determines where and what a student can study. Should a student score poorly on the Leaving Certificate exams, there are programs where they can try again, taking an extra year of study to prepare for re-taking the exams in order to better their scores and get into the university program of their dreams. The fees for these programs are astronomical, but they will prepare a student for the Leaving Certificate exams in one year and then administer the Leaving Certificate exams, of which there are typically 6-10. You could pay for your child to attend one of these programs. Or you could buy a small country.

Now maybe you’re thinking, “How hard could a few exams in English and Math be?”

If your child excels at memorization, they will have an advantage in all subjects on the Leaving Cert. Rote memorization is required in all subjects, with pages of quotes memorized word for word and regurgitated onto the page verbatim for the English Leaving Cert exam. The emphasis is not on understanding or interpretation, but rather on memorization across subjects. And lest you think there are 10 or 15 passages to memorize, ha ha ha. I remember when I was young and naïve and dreamed of a Leaving Cert with so few. There are multitudinous amounts of memorization required.

Oh, and are you sitting down? Because you’ll need to sit down for this. Irish language study is required. Remember the mess of consonants you saw on airport signs and road signs throughout Ireland? Studying THAT is required!

Holy Hannah I’ve got the shakes just thinking about it. A few years back, you could apply and possibly be granted an exception from studying Irish language (Gaeilge) in school. A student who arrived in Ireland at age twelve or later could apply for and potentially receive an exemption from studying Irish at school, which includes passing the Leaving Cert exam in Irish. That exemption is rarely granted now and there has been discussion about becoming more stringent with exemptions. Well now.

That was quite the info dump. Let’s review: nobody can enter or even apply to attend university in Ireland without Leaving Cert scores. Nobody. There are no special sunflowers, I am sorry to report.

In order to attend university, it is required that all secondary students in Ireland study Irish (Gaeilge) and pass the Irish language Leaving Cert exam.

Should you have a child who has no interest in attending university, and has wisely realized that Ireland desperately needs plumbers and carpenters and electricians like most of the world, you won’t have much to worry about. Even with modest Leaving Cert scores, they can gain entrance to a wonderful vocational education program. Perfect.

Should you have a child who is intent on attending university, you need to plan carefully. Another of our children entered secondary school in Ireland in Year 4, called Transition Year. This is a year of exploration with less emphasis on things academic and more emphasis on exploring possible career paths. Seems like the perfect year to enter, right?

Except the Junior Cert was over.

There are Junior Cert exams in the third year of secondary---a trial run for the Leaving Cert exams that decide futures. Sound dramatic? It’s not. Maybe you were a brilliant student throughout secondary school, worked hard, did all the extracurricular activities, volunteered, and cured cancer. If you only receive a cumulative score in the 300s on the Leaving Cert, opportunities for further study will be few and far between. If you want to study physics at University College Dublin and you score 501, you’ll be flat out of luck. Not even considered. Under any circumstances.

Leaving Cert scores are a big deal and as such, there is a lot of talk about them. When the exams are running in May, it will be the headline of the newspaper. Neighbors you’ve never spoken to will wish your child well on the exams. Radio, TV, and social media will be awash in tips for how to help your child survive the stress of taking the Leaving Cert exams.

When results come out months later, the top scores are made public and secondary schools with high-performing students will boast about the scores widely.

But in case this wasn’t clear, certain programs demand certain scores in order to qualify for entry and there are no ways around it. If someone wants to study nuclear medicine and that requires a score of 540 or above and that person receives a score of 490, they have no hope of studying nuclear medicine.

There are, of course, more details, but be aware. The Leaving Cert decides fates and is widely discussed in Ireland.

If you have finished high school/secondary education already and would like to return to your studies, some universities in Ireland do have programs for Mature Students, who in Ireland, are over the elderly age of 23.

Grinds should be mentioned as well. Not the coffee-related grinds, but because the Leaving Cert is vital, there are afterschool tutoring programs called Grinds to help students prepare. Grinds are privately run and charge tuition. Many a sixth-year student in Ireland finishes a full day of school to take a bus to study for another four hours at grinds, at no small expense.

But once the Leaving Cert has been tackled and university admission has been secured, good news! There are no more uniforms and most universities are co-ed, to the undoubted delight of their students.

The cost of university depends on whether you are a resident of Ireland, a citizen, or a newcomer. If you’ve just arrived, you’ll have to pay International Fees for university, and they are expensive. If you’ve been in Ireland for three years and qualify as a resident of the EU, you’ll pay EU fees, which are less.

If you have Irish citizenship, university is technically free, though in reality you’ll end up paying around 3000 euros per year in fees. There are very few university dormitories in Ireland, so your child will be living at home with you for the duration of their university course. My apologies. Irish law states that parents must financially support a child until that child is 23 years of age. And even if this wasn’t the law, lack of dormitories and the high cost of rent would likely make your child moving out cost prohibitive anyway.

If you look at the Leaving Certificate exams like the Olympics of Education, with the nation watching and wringing their hands for their favorite students, you’ll understand. It’s a big deal and all kids in Ireland go through it.

PRO TIP: The Leaving Certificate exams are commonly referred to as simply The Leaving Cert.

PRO TIP: College means high school in Ireland and university is the only word used for post-secondary education in Ireland. The two words are NOT interchangeable in Ireland.

**Post-Pandemic Update: During the Covid-19 pandemic, the Junior Leaving Certificate Exams and the Leaving Certificate Exams that graduating high school students take to get placements in university were both cancelled. Going forward, it is unknown if these exams will remain as important as they were in the past. Check my website www.robincastle.net for updates.

Eleven

Names In Ireland

This may say more about me than it says about Ireland, but I expected to meet legions of people with last names like: O’Shaunghessy, O’Riley, O’Brian and the like. Yet after years of living on this lovely island, I have yet to meet more than a handful with surnames beginning with an O and an apostrophe.

What kind of surnames have I encountered?

Head.

Smith.

Hand.

Kelly.

Walsh.

Lynch.

Martin.

Moore.

Thompson.

Fox.

Wilson.

Byrne.

Did I mention Smith? Because that one really threw me. Carr is another one that got me, and that family has lived on the same land for at least the last 700 years. My family hasn’t lived anywhere for seven years, but maybe we’re just underachievers.

Murphy won’t surprise you and neither will Riordan (also O’Riordan), but brace yourself for Keyes and Kenny and Higgins!

If you’re worried your surname is too obvious, not Irish enough, or that it will make you stick out, no bother! Mr. Leo Varadkar seems to have done just fine with an interesting surname and I chance to say you will as well.

**Mr. Varadkar is currently Taoiseach of Ireland, the big cheese, the Prime Minister, so he’s the boss of all of us.

But I do smile every time I greet an O’Connor or O’Leary, O’Donnell or O’Sullivan. Those names are like giant Irish hugs to me, even now.

Irish First Names: Male Names

You’ll meet plenty of Toms and Stephens and Davids, but there are common Irish names too.

Eoghan or Eoin: (owen)

Eamon or Eammon: (A-mon)

Darragh or Dara: (dara)

Fingle: (fin-gul)

Fion: (FEE-own)

Irish First Names: Female Names

Again, most names will be familiar, such as Linda and Ann and Mary, but you will encounter Irish names as well. Here are the most common and their pronunciations.

Aoife: (EEfa)

Niamh: (neev)

Aine: (anya)

Ciara: (keera)

Saoirse: (sir-sha. Yes really. It’s sir-sha)

Roisin: (row-sheen)

Caoimhe: (kweeva or keeva, regional difference in pronunciation)

Grainne: (granya)

Some of the Irish names may seem overwhelming now, but when you live in Ireland, they will become ordinary and expected.

CONCLUSION

Well friends, it’s time to go. Whether you decide to move to Ireland, visit Ireland, or continue searching, I wish you well on your journey. Should questions uncovered by this work arise, contact me through my website www.RobinCastle.net and perhaps I can shed some light.

If you do move, be gentle with yourselves. Reward yourself for taking risks and for stepping out of your comfort zone. It won’t be perfect---nothing ever is---but it will be a grand adventure and your life will be the richer for it.

Until next time…

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sunshine warm upon your face;

The rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

This is an old Irish blessing that essentially means (my translation):

I hope everything is grand

No troubles for you

May the road be easy

And free from goop and goo.

Need More Information?

Don’t Drink the Bathroom Water: a guide to living in Ireland is the first in a series of guides to Ireland.

Don’t xxx or xxxx in Ireland (title to be revealed later) is a pocket guide focused on helping visitors and tourists be culturally sensitive in Ireland, both with language and with action. Read this guide and you’ll find yourself welcomed and embraced in Ireland.

Guide to Business in Ireland has a more serious tone and is strictly focused on the business climate, business cultural norms, banking in Ireland, renting commercial space, negotiating, and other obstacles to success. Business locations, finding and retaining employees, motivating Irish employees, and employee attitudes are discussed in detail from the insider perspective of a business owner. You can’t google this information and no Irish person will explain it to you. You could try to open a business in Ireland without this guide, but there’s a word for that: failure.

Epilogue

This book was completed before the Covid-19 pandemic shook the world. Like Matt Damon, I had the pleasure of quarantining in Ireland. The Irish government was thoughtful, careful, and kept the public updated. There was transparency not just in number of new diagnoses, but also in daily deaths and in the number of ICU beds occupied by Covid-19 patients.

At all times, the government was reasonable, helpful, and acted with kindness. Need some examples? The leader of the country, Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Leo Varadkar returned to the practice of medicine, taking one shift a week to help ease the burden on the medical care system.

The Irish police reached out on social and traditional media, telling the Irish citizenry that if they needed anything, just call. That’s right. And people did. An elderly person living alone needed food. The police brought it. Another person needed a new stove. The Garda (Irish police) helped.

The letter carriers, called An Post, volunteered to check in on the elderly and vulnerable as they delivered mail.

There was a wonderful spirit of unity, togetherness, and goodwill, an us-against-the-virus type unity that brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. From socially distanced singalongs in apartment blocks and housing estates to scarecrow contests, the Irish worked together to make the best of the pandemic and it was a privilege to see. Ireland is a small country with a giant heart.

There is another type of recovery coming for Ireland: a post-pandemic economic recovery. What it will bring, no one knows, but I will share information as it unfolds on Instagram and twitter @robincastle55

Thank you for reading this, my love letter to Ireland, and I sincerely hope that you and your family are healthy and looking forward to the future as much as I am.

--Robin Castle 31/May/2020

About the Author

Robin Castle, author of 5 guides to Ireland and a murder mystery series, has survived landslides, hurricanes, tornados, and a close encounter with an alligator, and will help you thrive in Ireland, whether you’re visiting or relocating or starting a business.

Castle resides in Ireland where she contemplates murder. For her next mystery novel, that is.

Follow her on Instagram and twitter: @robincastle55.

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Glossary

A joint: a roast, either beef, pork, or lamb

An Garda Síochána: the full name of the Irish police

Apartment: not typically called a flat in Ireland, an apartment can be located in a large apartment building or more commonly as a few rooms chopped out of an old house.

Aspect: What direction the house faces, north/south/east/west

Aubergine: eggplant

Bangers and mash: sausages and mashed potatoes in an onion gravy

Banoffee pie: pie made with bananas and caramel

Bap: a bun

Bedsit: This can literally be a closet with a bed in it. Cheapest form of accommodation, it’s tiny and only found in cities.

Biscuit: a cookie

Booking: reservation in a restaurant

Bus Eireann: long distance bus

Car registration: the license plate number, which stays with the car

Chipper: take away restaurant where you can get fish and chips, burgers, and Southern fried chicken

Chips: French fries

Cooker: stove

Courgette: zucchini

Craic: fun

Crisps: potato chips

DART: commuter train that runs along the east coast of Ireland

Detached house: one little lonely house, all by itself with no shared interior walls.

Eton Mess: dessert composed of vanilla ice cream and strawberry jam

European Union (EU): a group of countries with a trade and residence agreement. Ireland is part of the EU

Euros: the currency of Ireland. € is the symbol for euros.

Footpath: sidewalk

Gaeilge: the name of the Irish language (Irish)

Gaelic: an adjective many used to describe a type of sport

Gaeltecht: a village where Irish is the predominant or only language spoken

Garda: police

Garden: Yard

GFCH: natural gas fueled central heat

Guards: a casual name for the police

Haricot verts: green beans

Hiberno English: dialect of English spoken in Ireland

Hob: cooktop

Hot Press: home of the immersion

Housing Estate: Sometimes called a housing development or a planned community in other countries, it is a neighborhood full of similar or same houses with small yards and separate driveways.

Immersion: hot water heater

Induction cooktop: Energy efficient cooktop that heats and cools quickly. Only works with stainless steel pots (not aluminum).

Insurance disk: circular piece of paper displayed on the windscreen in a plastic pocket

Junior Certificate: a practice series of exams in preparation for the Leaving Certificate

LEAP card: payment method for buses and trains

Leaves: arugula, sometimes called rocket or baby spinach

Leaving Certificate: a series of exams required to enter university

LUAS: silent electric commuter train that runs north and south (red line and green line)

Mains Water: public water system

Mains water: water connected to the public water supply.

Mangetout: pea pods

Medieval cart roads: roads barely wide enough for a cart to squeeze down. Many of these still exist and are used for modern day cars driving in both directions

Mod Cons: Modern conveniences. Central heat and hot water. Always ask if a dwelling has mod cons. It may not.

NCT: rigorous car inspection

Northern Ireland: the county located to the north of Ireland

OFCH: oil fueled central heat

Pan: sliced sandwich bread

Parking: Never assume it’s included, even with a house. Ask for the exact number of parking spots, which is a regular and expected question in Ireland.

Porridge: oatmeal

Power Shower: Your best friend. Produces hot water and water pressure for a shower whether the immersion is on or not. Works instantly. You need a power shower.

Press: cabinet, like a kitchen cabinet

Private Sewerage or Biocycle: septic system

Rashers: very thinly sliced bacon sometimes called streaky rashers

Registration disk: the circular piece of paper displayed on the windscreen in a plastic pocket

Republic of Ireland: the full name of the country known as Ireland

Room For Rent: Commonly available in cities in Ireland. Rent a bedroom in a house and live with the homeowner and their family. Because housing is so expensive in Ireland, renting a room helps both the homeowner and renter financially.

Semi-detached house: a house glued to another house and sharing interior walls on one side

Side Return: A path from the front yard to the back yard along the side of the house.

Splashback: backsplash

Student Accommodation: Grungy apartments for students. Often small.

Swanning: trying to impress people, bragging. One of the highest social crimes

Swede: rutabaga, a root vegetable often served in Ireland

Taoiseach: the prime minister of Ireland

Tea: a warm, yummy drink but also a name for the evening meal when eaten at home

Terraced house: a house smack in the middle of other houses, sharing interior walls on both sides. Sometimes called a row house in other countries because it’s part of a long row of houses all stuck together.

The Ensuite: bathroom attached to largest bedroom

The Troubles: a time of conflict between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.

To let: to rent

TV license: paid annually, it allows the streaming of Netflix and Youtube as well as TV watching

United Kingdom: comprised of England, Scotland, Wales, and the country of Northern Ireland

V.A.T: value added tax

WC: half bathroom or powder room

Worktops: countertops