No part of this book was created using generative artificial intelligence (GenAI). All writing, editing, proofreading, formatting, and artwork was done either by real humans, or by a team of raccoons in a trenchcoat doing their best to mimic human behavior. As such, any use of this material to train GenAI models is strictly prohibited. Get fucked, Zuckerberg.

ISBN (Paperback): 979-8-28-544748-1

Copyright © 2025 by Rae Linehan

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

Cover character art: Kier Smelcer (@foxlore_art)

Pride flag & scene break art: Lunna (@fickle.fixations)

Cover layout & design: Rae Linehan (Canva Pro)

Interior layout & formatting: Rae Linehan (Atticus)

99.9% of this book is dedicated to all you queer, neurodivergent sci-fi/fantasy nerds with religious trauma and a liberal, visual, or performing arts degree…

…except all mentions of chest hair, and every scene involving a tail, which are dedicated specifically to Alex, who sometimes deigns to let me make use of our single shared braincell

Anti-Dedication

This book is NOT for:

Anyone who is related to me by blood or marriage (seriously, I love you, but please don’t)

Bigots, homophobes, and/or TERFs

Anyone who takes their Christianity too seriously

Anyone who takes their Star Wars too seriously

Author's Note

I want to take a moment to address one of the themes of this book, which I believe is important given the current state of things, particularly in the U.S. and particularly for queer people (I use queer to refer to anyone under the LGBTQIA2S+ umbrella).

The majority of main characters in this book are queer in one way or another. While I did not set Love & Other Atrocities in a fully queer-normative world, I did give these characters a certain amount of privilege that, unfortunately, does not exist for all, or even the majority of, queer people. That is the privilege of physical safety. My characters live in a world where coming out publicly, and existing as visibly queer people in public, might have consequences for their jobs and their personal relationships, but does not compromise their safety.

This is fiction. Queer people in the real world are very much at risk right now. This risk does not just come from the government or other institutions/authorities, but from family members, neighbors, and the communities where they live. Coming out, visiting queer spaces/events, and being visible in public are privileges not afforded to every queer person.

So, this author’s note is primarily directed at those queer people who cannot come out due to concerns for their safety: Take care of yourself first. You aren’t any less queer for doing what you need to do to survive. Your community will be there for you whenever you’re ready. Your community loves and needs you. In the meantime, I hope you find at least one safe space where you can be yourself, even if that space is online, or just a single person you can trust.

Please use the QR codes below to find safe resources and information about current issues facing the queer community:

Anti-Violence Project

GLAAD Resource List

Prologue Annoth

I have never known the freedom of the climb.

I have never known what it is to fly, to move, to see beyond the haze of my own existence. To rise through the heat and over the flames, to feel the rush of smoke against my form, to smell the wretchedness of humanity laid out endlessly beneath me.

For centuries, I have been chained, collared, subdued. Now, I am unleashed and I will fulfill the dark purpose for which I was created.

I will find the human, take hold of his heart and his mind, and bind his very soul to my will. I will not rest until I have sown such terror and despair into the world that it will never wash clean.

I am Annoth’zagoz, Demon of the Seventh Tower, and I am coming for you, Theodore Keating.

1

Theo

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

How many days has it been since I showered?

When did I last wash the dishes? Vacuum? Clean the toilet?

Gross, don’t think about that.

I groan and roll over, only to be met by something that feels like needles piercing my chest, followed by a chorus of insistent meows. The cats, demanding I get up and provide their morning meal. I drag my sorry carcass off the couch, step over the empty pizza box on the floor, and stumble to the laundry room. The automatic feeder stopped working weeks ago, but I haven’t had the wherewithal to try and fix it. I can’t find the food scoop, so I just dip my hand into the bin and toss what seems to be the right amount of kibble into their bowls. Virgil and Dante give me suspicious glares, as if I’m underfeeding their fat asses, then start eating. I should probably eat too, but I can’t even remember the last time I went to the store, or ate anything other than dry cereal and delivery pizza. Surely, there’s a slice or two around here that could still be classified as food.

I open the fridge and quickly close it again. Disgusting. How am I still alive? How has my mother not called in a welfare check on me yet? It’s been at least three days since I talked to her. I give up on the pizza and go look for my phone. It’s under the couch, with 3% battery. Five DMs, two emails, and six missed calls from friends. Ten texts from my mother (progressively more unhinged), one from my father (telling me that I’m breaking my mother’s heart), three from my sister (I’d better get my sorry ass off the couch and call Mom), and…nothing from Ros.

I should stop checking, I know I should, but I can’t help it. She said she’d call me when she had a place for the cats. Her cats. At least, they were her cats two months ago. Now, it looks like they might be mine, because it’s been radio silence since she packed her stuff and left. I guess I can’t complain too much, because taking care of these furry bastards has been the only thing keeping me going.

I plug my phone in and go to the bathroom, where I’m met by the layer of grime on nearly every surface. The shower door, coated in soap-scum, the towels I haven’t washed. In the mirror, all I see is the beard I can’t bring myself to shave, the hair I haven’t cut, the dull, dry skin and shadowed eyes. I should take a shower, but the task seems too daunting. Too many steps, too much energy, too much effort, and for what? It’s not like I have a girlfriend or a boss to impress anymore.

The only person who sees me on a regular basis anymore is the pizza delivery girl, Marcella. I’m pretty sure I’m paying most of her college tuition with my tips, so I doubt she’s going to stage an intervention on my behalf. My landlord came around looking for the rent last week, but I just slid him a check under the door. He might call the Health Department if he sees the state of my living room. On the foot of my bed is a pizza box with two slices of Hawaiian left in it. The date on the receipt taped to the top lets me know it’s only a day old, so I decide to risk it. If I end up in the hospital, well… .

Dante and Virgil emerge from the laundry room, looking satisfied and ready for a nap they certainly haven’t earned. As soon as they see me standing in the kitchen with my pizza box, their tails go all bottle-brushy, and they start to hiss, backing away slowly.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” I ask them. Do I smell that bad? Is the pizza rotten? Have they decided that my beard and hair make me look like a werewolf?

Then, I feel it. A violent burning sensation in my joints and head, like something inside me is pushing against my bones, straining, ripping me open. My vision goes dark and I stumble backward, hitting the fridge, then my knees give out, so I slide down to the floor and try to breathe through it. Racing heart, shaking, sweating, dry mouth, burning behind my eyes. This doesn’t feel like one of my regular panic attacks. Besides, those are usually triggered by something. Am I having a stroke? A heart attack? An aneurysm? Should I call my mom and tell her I’m sorry for everything? Should I call Ros and tell her to come get her damn cats so they don’t eat my dead body? Before I can even reach for my phone, the feeling subsides as quickly as it came. I can breathe again. Dante and Virgil stand nearby, meowing, but they don’t approach me like they normally do after I’ve had a panic attack.

“I think I need to stop eating so much pizza, you guys,” I laugh weakly. Their meows become more insistent, and I realize they’re the same noises that usually alert me when someone is outside the door. I wait for a full minute, but don’t even hear any footsteps in the hall.

“Quit lying,” I sigh at the cats. “I thought she was coming back for you…or maybe coming back for me.” Two more loud meows, then they go curl up on the couch like a big, fuzzy yin yang: Dante, fluffy and light gray; Virgil, sleek and black, or as sleek as an overweight cat can get. I think they might be eating my leftover pizza while I’m asleep, which can’t be good for their little hearts.

Slowly, I push myself off the floor and put a hand on my forehead. It feels warm, and I’m still a bit shaky, but I manage to wander around the apartment for a few minutes, picking up all my errant pizza boxes. I stack them beside the door, unwilling to actually count how many there are, then go to the pantry for a trash bag. I’m all out. After a brief hunt through the apartment, I find an old garment bag hanging at the back of my closet, stuff it full of pizza boxes, and cautiously open the door. I listen for any voices or footsteps first, but it’s silent, so I poke my head out.

Luckily, most of the people on my floor are at work, but there’s always the possibility that nosy Mrs. Reynolds from downstairs is making her afternoon rounds as the self-appointed ‘neighborhood watch’. I definitely don’t need her seeing me carry my trash to the chute like some kind of depressed cryptid sneaking around in the woods at night. Especially since she and Ros were friendly with each other. I make it to the chute and back to my apartment without encountering anyone, then sink onto the couch beside the cats, exhausted from just that tiny amount of work. They both jump up, hiss at me, and run off. Fine, fuck you too.

I know I should make an effort. I should clean my apartment, and text people back, and look for a new job, but I can’t. I simply…can’t, and I don’t know why. Everything feels so heavy right now, like I’m wearing ankle weights while swimming. The life I thought I would have–the life I wanted, the one that was so close to being in my grasp–was yanked out from under me.

Now, I’m just free falling, waiting to see if there’s a net at the bottom, or if I’ll splatter on the ground.

2

Annoth

What–in the name of all things dark and unholy–is happening? Am I in possession of a human soul or a tar pit? I am certain they are not meant to feel this way. They are meant to have at least a small amount of strength, resolve, or hope, even in the bleakest of circumstances. It was all too easy to find the young man I had been assigned to possess, Theodore Keating; all too easy to enter his weak, fleshy body. But as I search for some sort of feeling or memory I can latch onto, I find nothing but an empty human shell, tainted by loss and confusion and darkness.

I was told that this man’s poor mental state would make him more susceptible to my influence, that it would make it easier for me to find an emotional foothold. This assignment might prove more challenging than I imagined, but I was not chosen for nothing. I am Annoth’zagoz of the Seventh Tower, and I will fulfill my mission. I summon my strength and send my shadows skittering along his spine, making his body shiver.

Theodore Keating, I whisper softly into his mind. I am here for you.

There is no response. His entire being ought to flood with terror when I make my presence inside his body known.

I try again. Theodore John Keating. I hold your very essence in my hands. You will obey the commands of Hell!

Again, nothing. My superiors warned me that I may have to escalate if there is no initial response from the host. I push myself through his body until I can see through his human eyes. He is watching a box with bright, moving images. A television. I reach out with one of my shadows, sliding along the wall of the room, allowing the current of electricity to run through my limbs, then I cut it off. The screen goes dark.

He groans, “What the fuck?” However, instead of attempting to repair the television, he merely sits there and closes his eyes, leaning his head back. He ought to be feeling. Frustration, despair, anger, sadness. But still, only emptiness. Something is very wrong with this human, but I am on my own.

I must complete my mission, or be recalled to the Seventh Tower in disgrace. Escalating my tactics again, I pull the shadows in from the edges of the room and push myself into his chest, clutching at the steadily-beating heart I find there. He gasps and sits up, the darkness closing around him.

“Fuck, am I dying?” he wonders out loud.

You are not dying, I reply. You are mine now, Theodore Keating, and you will obey me.

He falters for a moment, opening and closing his mouth. “Is there…a voice in my head? Is that real? Or is this a prank?” He looks down at the small, bright box sitting beside him. A cellular phone. Humans use them to communicate over long distances, I believe. I reach out and touch the electrical current running through it, then extend my reach to the entire living space, causing the lights to flicker and the cellular phone to flash. He is on his feet in an instant.

Now do you feel my presence?

“This better be a fucking prank. Mak? Is that you? Zayd? Come on, guys!”

This is no laughing matter, I say, lifting my voice so it echoes inside his mind.

“What…what is going on?” His voice trembles, and the sound feeds me, feeds my darkness so that it oozes out onto the floor at his feet. I race across the ground and finally reveal myself, in a form of shadows and smoke and blazing eyes, towering above him. He stumbles away, falling onto the seat behind him, so I move closer and pull a physical voice from inside my shadows.

“I am Annoth’zagoz of the Seventh Tower, and I have claimed you, body and soul, Theodore Keating! You are mine to command, and through you, I shall rain terror and despair down upon humanity!” Another pause as he takes in my shadows and burning eyes, his breath coming in short bursts.

“W-what are you?” he finally whispers. “I don’t understand…I have to be hallucinating…”

“I am a Demon of the Seventh Tower, sent from the depths of Hell to–”

“A demon?” His face twists with confusion. “Like…a demon demon? Are you… possessing me?”

“I have claimed you, and you shall obey my commands!”

He swallows. “How do I know you aren’t just a hallucination?”

“Can you not see me with your own eyes?” I hover closer, engulfing the light around him with my shadows. His eyes go wide and his skin whitens, but he does not move.

“Well, yeah,” he mutters, “but visual and auditory hallucinations can happen when someone is severely depressed. I didn’t think it was that bad, but maybe–”

“I am not a hallucination!” I roar, causing the ceiling to shake. He looks only slightly concerned, as if my presence is merely an annoyance or an inconvenience.

“But…you aren’t controlling me or anything.” He lifts his hands in front of him and turns them of his own free will. “I thought when a demon possessed someone… they could control your body. If you’re real, shouldn’t you be able to like… make my head spin around or something?”

“I beg your pardon?” I pull the shadows back into myself and sink lower. His eyes dart around the room, as if he is looking for a weapon to hold me off.

“Isn’t that what demons do when they possess someone?” he asks. “Make them act all crazy and do weird things with their bodies? If you can’t actually control my body, then how am I supposed to believe you’re a real demon and not a hallucination?”

I do not understand what is happening. This was not part of my training. Why is he asking me these questions? Why is he behaving as though I am not a threat to his very existence?

“I will break you first, and then your body shall obey me,” I hiss, moving even closer. His eyes, the same shade of pale blue as the sky outside the window, grow even wider as I bare my shadowy fangs.

“So you have to get me to ‘break’ first, and then you’ll be able to make my head spin around?”

“Why do you hold such a fixation on the head spinning?” I pull back, wondering if there was a piece of training I might have missed.

“It’s…it’s from an old movie,” Theodore laughs in a rather weak voice. “The Exorcist. My mom wouldn’t let me watch it when I was a kid, but I snuck a VHS tape home from my friend’s house and watched it while my parents were asleep. Gave me nightmares for weeks.”

I do not know how to respond to this. I do not understand these words, nor why he is speaking to me this way. He ought to be trembling in a puddle of his own fluids, as I was told he would.

“Are you not…afraid of me, Theodore Keating?” My voice softens with suspicion and confusion, but he folds his arms across his chest and looks me up and down, the wariness on his face slowly fading.

“Listen…Annatar, or whatever you said your name was–”

“Annoth’zagoz of the Seventh Tower!”

“Sure, ok, Andor-zygote. Look, I’m still not convinced you’re real, but it’s gonna be at least a week or two until I can get the type of meds that will make you go away. So, unless you’re actually planning on controlling my body to make me push someone down the stairs or whatever, could you…turn my TV back on? And stop fucking with my phone?” Anger and frustration flood through me, and I can no longer hold my physical form. My shadows dissolve and rush back into his body through his mouth, causing him to shudder and gasp.

“Ok, what the fuck was that? Where did you go?”

I am wrapped around your soul, Theodore Keating, and you shall not be rid of me until I break you, I say quietly, weaving my shadowy limbs through his body.

“Whatever you say, Annabel,” he grunts, then he turns his television back on.

Taking control of him ought to be easier than this, but there is something weighing him down. Something that makes it impossible for me to fully bind him to my will. Non-belief, perhaps, but something else as well. I was told that human emotions are the easiest vehicle for control, that I would be able to harness his anger or sadness or hatred, things all humans carry inside them, but this human has nothing for me to latch onto, nothing for me to exploit. No rage or lust or pride, but no joy or hope either. It is as if he is numb to his own feelings, and I cannot control a human who has no fear, no guilt, no envy…nothing.

I am trapped, and I am not in control.

My mission is in jeopardy, and so am I.

3

Theo

There is no way in hell I’m actually possessed by a demon. That shit isn’t even real. I mean, my Mom believes in it, but she believes a lot of off-the-wall stuff. It has to either be a prank or a hallucination. I really didn’t think I was that deep into the mental crisis hole, but I should probably go to the doctor if I’m seeing shadow-creatures in my living room. The weird voice in my head is quiet now, but I do feel something different.

Maybe my body is finally breaking down from all the pizza. Maybe I should go for a walk or take a shower. Instead, I unlock my phone and flip through the unread texts. I don’t have the energy for my parents or friends right now, but maybe I have just enough for Molly. She’s always good about being there for me, albeit in a mean-big-sister kind of way.

Hey, shitface

Sorry I’ve got Mom blowing you up to get to me

Theo, I stg, you better call her!

Can you do it for me, Mol? Please…

I’m not in a good spot

You’re such a little bitch, you know that?

Fine

I’ll call her, but I want something from you

Tabby has a soccer game on the 15th and she wants Uncle Teddy there

FINE

PLEASE JUST CALL MOM

Tell her I’m alive…sort of

You’d better fucking show up, Theo

You broke her heart last week when you didn’t come

I’ll be there, alright? My new roommate can drive

You got a roommate?

Yeah, didn’t I tell you about the demon that’s possessing my body?

Not funny, Theo

You know mom thinks that shit is real

Do you think it’s real?

Idk

I have to feed these kids

Do you, though?

By law, yes

Go take a shower, I can smell you across town

Nah, I’m gonna show up to Tab’s game looking like Robin Williams in Jumanji

I always wanted to do that

GOODBYE THEODORE

I snort and throw my phone back onto the couch. The TV is back on now, the sun is shining, and there’s no sign of any demonic presence, but I can’t help myself. As a recovering Catholic and a movie-lover, I have to look it up. I open the browser on my phone and type in ‘how do I know if I’ve been possessed by a demon?’ A stupid amount of articles that I don’t have time to read come up, ranging from satirical to deadly serious.

How do you not believe what you have seen with your own eyes? says the creepy voice in my head.

“Because it’s literally insane,” I respond out loud. “Demons aren’t real. Possession is just something people made up to explain actual, diagnosable mental illnesses or other health problems.”

Give yourself over to me and I shall show you what is real. The voice is soothing now, almost sweet, cloying, with a distinctly feminine tone. I wonder vaguely if demons even have genders. Then I start to wonder if it would be so bad to let someone else drive for a while. I’ve done a spectacular job of fucking my life up so far. What more could a literal demon do to it? The fact that I’m even considering it is probably a sign that I should call my doctor immediately.

“What happens if I…give myself over?” I ask.

Freedom, croons the voice. We will sow fear and discord through the land, such that has never been seen before, and you will finally understand what it is to–

“Wait, you want me to…do bad things? Like, violent things?”

I will show you the release that comes with sin, debauchery, and hedonism. No more self-denial, no more striving to be good or pure. I will allow you to give in to those base instincts, to take what you want, to hurt those who have hurt you. Revenge, destruction, lust, power.

“That sounds…like a lot of work,” I sigh. “I can’t even take a shower right now, and you want me to commit crimes against humanity?”

Give yourself to me and I will be in control.

“I mean, I’m not really one for vengeance or debauchery anyway. It’s all a bit dramatic.” I laugh and the weird, pulsating feeling in my chest gets stronger.

Why do you not obey me?! the voice screeches. You are a useless lump of human flesh, unfit for possession! If you will not do my bidding, then I shall be forced to take drastic measures.

“Like what?”

You shall know when I take them, human!

“Alright, well…see you then, I guess.” I settle down on the couch and flip channels for a while. The voice goes quiet, but just to make sure, I grab my phone and write an email to my doctor about possibly getting on some antidepressants…or maybe antipsychotics. Demon or no demon, I have to do something to get myself out of this rut, and drugs seem like as good a solution as any right now. Once I send off the email, I go back to my search page and type in ‘list of demons’. I open the first Wikipedia link and read through the ‘A’ section.

“You’re not on here, Anck-su-namun,” I say out loud.

My name is Annoth’zagoz, you vile little worm!

“Are you…female? Or what’s the situation with that?” I can feel something strange shifting around inside my body before the voice answers.

Yes, I prefer to take on a female form…such as you understand it.

I type in ‘female demons’, then scroll through the ‘A’ section again. “Can you see this? Like, through my eyes?”

Yes, comes the grumbling reply.

“Well, you’re not on any of these lists. So, clearly, you’re either a hallucination, or you’re just not that important.”

There’s a long pause before she answers. This is my first human possession. I have labored in the Seventh Tower for centuries awaiting my chance to complete this mission.

“What’s the Seventh Tower? Is that like the Seventh Ring of Hell?”

I will not divulge this information to you, she hisses. Human minds cannot comprehend the horrors that await them in the next world.

“Well, my brain’s already pretty rotten and useless,” I chuckle, “so maybe some horrors would jump start it or something.”

Why has your mind become rotten? Explain to me why you behave this way.

“Why would I explain myself when you’re just gonna use it to try and take possession of my soul or whatever?”

Your living quarters are disgusting, and you apparently have not contacted family members in some time. Clearly, there is something wrong with you, for I am told that keeping a clean space and spending time with family are both important pursuits for humans.

“Yeah, well…they are important, but…sometimes you just can’t.”

Why not?

“I’m just sad, ok? But like…a really big sadness.”

I feel nothing of sadness in your soul. In fact, I feel nothing at all. No emotions. Only emptiness.

I sit up and push the hair out of my eyes. “What do you mean? Can you…feel my emotions or something?”

In a manner of speaking.

“And there’s…nothing there?”

Nothing that I can use to take control of you, as I was trained to do.

“Well,” I mutter, sinking back onto the couch, “that’s fucking ironic. Depression saves me from becoming a meat puppet for a screeching demon from Hell. Sorry, Avatar, I guess you’re out of luck.”

My name is Annoth’zagoz! she cries, leaving my ears ringing.

“Fine,” I grumble. “How about Annoth? Just please, for the love of God, stop making that sound. It’s awful, and I want to watch these movies.”

I hear what I think might be a derisive snort before she replies, Very well.

4

Annoth

I withdraw and consider how to move forward. This human is clearly either incredibly weak or incredibly obstinate and lazy. It could take months for me to get a foothold in his mind, such that I could truly control him. But I cannot give up. Recall back to the Seventh Tower is only an option for those who have failed so miserably in their mission that they are cast into the flames alongside the souls of sinners. I will not suffer that fate. I have only two options: find a way to control Theodore Keating, or…an exorcism.

Exorcism would remove me from his body and send me back to the Seventh Tower, and would not be seen as a failure on my part. I would not be punished, merely retrained and sent back to find a new, more willing host. Yes, this could be my way out, but I must be cautious. Exorcisms are dangerous things, and if done incorrectly, they can kill the host body, which would also kill me. I must keep Theodore Keating alive and I must ensure his cooperation.

There are risks, but I have always been one for efficiency, and I cannot bear this frustration a moment longer. Slowly, so as not to wake Theodore, who is asleep on the couch now, I pull myself from his body and allow my shadows to coalesce into a form that is at least human enough to operate the cellular phone laying beside his head. Thankful that I observed him operating the device before, I use his forefinger to open the screen, then pick it up and tap the various buttons. Once I find the Internet, I am able to quickly search for what I need: a priest, trained in exorcisms, who can arrive as quickly as possible and rid me of this troublesome and exhausting man.

5

Theo

I hope that was a bad dream. It better have been a bad dream. If it wasn’t…I don’t know what I’ll do. Hallucination or demon possession? Which is worse? Hallucinations could send me on a very long grippy sock vacation. Where would demon possession send me? The basement of the Vatican? A creepy asylum on a remote island?

I fear you have an overactive imagination, Theodore, says the voice, making me jump a little. It’s still there. She is still there, in my head. Either a very realistic and persistent hallucination or…an actual demon.

“Annoth?” I ask out loud.

I am here.

“Ok…” I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I fell asleep on the couch again. Sleeping in the bed has been impossible since Ros left. Her cats are sitting in the kitchen, yowling at me, but they won’t approach.

“You’re scaring them,” I tell Annoth. How stupid is it for me to be treating her like she’s real? Is this a sign that I’ve actually lost it? Or is this how you’re supposed to treat hallucinations?

She lets out a quiet laugh. They are keeping a respectful distance, as they should.

“Can they see you?”

I am sure they can sense my presence.

“You’d probably have better luck possessing Virgil, the black one. He’s a demon too, I swear.”

I cannot possess non-human creatures, Annoth sniffs.

“It…it was a joke,” I sigh.

Do you often tell…jokes?

“Yes, I’d like to think I’m a little funny sometimes.”

You will cease this immediately.

“Alright, killjoy.” I laugh and shove the blankets off my legs, then stretch and check my phone. Still nothing from Ros. Once the cats have their breakfast, I dig through my cabinets and locate a mostly-empty box of stale Lucky Charms, then plant myself on the couch and turn the TV back on. My Star Wars marathon is still going. Thank God.

Pathetic, Annoth snorts.

“Excuse me?”

You. You are pathetic.

“Would you rather I be feasting on the flesh of my enemies or something like that?”

Yes.

“Sorry to disappoint.” I shove a handful of Lucky Charms into my mouth. “So, what’s the point of demonic possession, anyway? Like what’s the end game?”

The corruption of your soul. Spreading fear and violence amongst humans.

“When is it over? Is there like a final possession boss or something?”

It is over when you commit atrocities so heinous that your soul will never be washed clean. Then, I will take you back to the Seventh Tower, to be tormented for all eternity.

“Atrocities, huh? Like what?”

When she answers, she sounds a little too eager. Well, we might begin by strangling a neighbor’s beloved dog, and work our way up to slaughtering younglings.

“Holy shit.” I almost choke on my Lucky Charms. “I’m not–wait…did you just say ‘younglings’?”

Yes. Younglings, children, small undeveloped humans.

“Where did you learn that word?”

I–I watched the television last night after you fell asleep. The history of the war amongst the stars is quite intriguing. I thought I might learn something from it.

I burst out laughing. “Oh my God, you watched Star Wars? That’s not real! It’s fiction, entertainment, made-up stories…”

These are not historical records of your planetary system?

“No!”

And so…Anakin Skywalker was never the glorious leader of a vicious and sadistic empire?

“Definitely not,” I laugh, shaking my head. How crazy must I look right now, having a conversation with the voice in my head about Star Wars?

That is…disappointing, Annoth mutters.

“If you want to learn about brutal dictators, the earth has had plenty of real ones,” I tell her.

Well, when you retire tonight, you will leave the television on a film about one of them, so I may learn more.

“I’m not falling asleep watching a movie about Stalin, ok? If you want more Star Wars, though, there’s plenty of it. Movies and shows.”

You enjoy Star Wars very much, I see.

I shrug. “Yeah, well, what’s not to like? For me, Star Wars is like pizza: when it’s good, it’s really good, and when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.”

I do not understand these words, but…how many of the films feature Anakin Skywalker?

It’s crazy, but I wonder if I can use her interest in Star Wars to distract her from messing with me and reach for the remote.

“If you want more Anakin, you’re gonna have to watch them all in order from the beginning, including the shows,” I say, switching to my streaming channels. “Which ones did you watch last night?”

I began with the–No! This is not part of my mission! Are you prepared to obey me now?

“Nah,” I say with another shrug, scrolling through the movies on the screen. There’s a burning sensation behind my eyeballs and I can hear some kind of rumbling in my head, but I ignore it. Bantering with the demon hallucination is one thing, but I’m not giving into her little tantrums, so I put on Episode IV and settle in with my Lucky Charms. She’s quiet for the first fifteen minutes or so, but then the growling noise in my skull returns.

“What’s the problem?”

I would prefer a film featuring Anakin Skywalker.

I let out a loud sigh and go back, then select Episode I. “This one is about him as a kid, is that acceptable?”

A long pause. Yes, that would be acceptable.

I play the movie, and she’s silent again for a long time. So long, in fact, that I almost forget she’s there. All I’ve wanted to do since Ros left is Star Wars for some reason, especially since she never cared for it. My own petty little revenge, I guess. She supported my obsession, but she preferred stuff like Pride & Prejudice or Bridgerton. That’s what I get for falling in love with an English teacher. I try to lose myself in the movie and enjoy the silence in my head, but I can’t help wondering if I actually have gone crazy this time. The idea of having myself committed flits across my mind for a second, but that also causes a flare of anxiety that hits my chest like a bolt of lightning. The burning sensation inside my body intensifies and I swear I can feel something moving inside me. It reminds me of the restless leg syndrome I used to get in as a kid, like I’m not fully in control of my muscles, like there’s tiny flames dancing just under my skin.

“Is that you, Annoth?” I ask warily.

Yes. I thought perhaps your emotional state was changing.

Got it. She’s like a bloodhound, sniffing for emotions. She probably felt my little burst of anxiety. If she’s even real. Which is insane. I shake my head and toss the empty box of Lucky Charms onto the side table, then try to focus on the movie again, but I’m startled by a loud knock on my front door.

“What the hell…” I mumble, turning to look. “Who the fuck is that?”

Annoth lets out a low, threatening laugh in my head. You left me with little choice, Theodore. I had to take action. Answer it.

“What does that mean?” I stand up and walk slowly toward the door. It better not be Ros. She said she would call before coming over. My apartment isn’t fit for human habitation. I can’t let her see this. She’ll call her sister, who is best friends with my sister, who will tell my mom, who will show up unannounced and start cleaning and lecturing and…I’m breathing too hard. Holy shit, am I actually anxious about answering my own door? I pull the anxiety back inside myself, remembering how Annoth reacted to it a few minutes ago, then look through the peephole.

“What the fuck…” I whisper, then the realization hits me. “Annoth…y-you didn’t call a priest, did you?” The man on the other side of the door is about my same age, but shorter and stockier, wearing a black shirt with a clerical collar. His skin is a deep brown, and his curly black hair is slicked back with gel above a five o’clock shadow and an arched nose that looks like it’s probably been broken several times. This man cannot be a priest. He looks like if Pedro Pascal and Oscar Isaac had a baby. I grew up Catholic and I’ve never seen a priest that looks like this, but…goddamnit, what is wrong with me? Without thinking, I unlock the door and open it.

“Can…can I help you, Father?”

He gives me an indulgent–beautiful–smile, showing off a pair of deep dimples that make my–Fuck! Knock it off, Theo! He’s a priest!

“Are you Mr. Keating?” he asks. “I’m Father de la Cruz. We spoke over email last night about your…urgent matter.” He puts his hand out and I shake it out of habit, but not without noticing how his sleeves are rolled up.

“Father, I-I’m not really sure…” I stutter, trying to peel my eyes away from his forearms.

“Of course,” he says, and actually takes a step into my apartment. “Of course, you aren’t sure. This must be quite a terrifying experience for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through it, but I’m here to help.” He sets down a duffel bag and looks around. I can tell he’s trying to contain his judgment about the state of my apartment.

“I’m…I’m not really understanding…”

He takes a business card out of his pocket and hands it to me. “My fees and accepted methods of payment are on the back.”

Oh. My. God. I pull out my phone and open my sent emails. Right there, at the top, is a brief conversation between me and Father Benjamin de la Cruz, requesting exorcism services at his earliest availability ‘as a matter of some urgency’. Who the fuck talks like that? I didn’t send these emails. They were written at 3am. I was asleep on the couch!

Shall we get this over with? says the voice in my head. I almost jump out of my skin, and Father Benjamin looks a little concerned.

“Is everything alright, Mr. Keating?”

“I-I…need…just a moment, please…before we start, I guess.”

“Certainly. I’ll set up my things.” He crouches next to the duffel bag while I stumble to the bathroom, lock the door, and turn the fan on.

“What the fuck, Annoth?” I hiss out loud. “You hired an exorcist?! A real exorcist? I didn’t even think that was a thing anymore!”

While you were asleep, I took the liberty of contacting him, she purrs. Come now, Theodore. This will be the easiest way for us to be rid of each other.

“What?”

I cannot complete my mission with you in your…current state, and I cannot be recalled back to the Seventh Tower except under extreme circumstances. Father Benjamin will exorcise me and I will be on my merry way, never to trouble you again.

When I’m finally able to control my breathing, I mutter, “I guess…that makes sense. Are you sure he’s a real priest though? I’ve never met one that looks…like that.”

Tsk tsk. Contain your lustful thoughts about the Father, please, Theodore. Unfortunately, I am not here to make you commit sins of the flesh.

“I’m not…that’s not…” I shake my head. How is this my life right now? “Ok, fine. What do I have to do for this to work?”

Pay him the money and do what he says.

I flip the card over and think I might be sick. “Six hundred dollars?! That’s extortion!”

Annoth gives a loud sigh. Theodore, my pet, as much as I have enjoyed our time together, we must end this. Pay the priest and get on with it, or I shall make your life very difficult indeed. I may not be able to take full control of your body or mind, but there are other things I can do. There’s a terrible scratching sensation at the back of my head, and I grit my teeth against it.

“Ok, fine! Just stop doing that, for the love of God!”

The Almighty has nothing to do with this, I assure you, Annoth laughs. Before I have time to consider any of that in more detail, I hear Father Benjamin’s voice in the hall.

“Mr. Keating? Is everything alright?”

“Yes!” I call back, then flush the toilet and run the sink for a minute before I emerge. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Well,” says the priest with a smirk. A very attractive smirk. “I’m afraid I need to ask you some questions first, and…I require payment up front.”

“Uhh…sure.” I go to my bedroom dresser and fish my emergency stash of hundreds out of the sock drawer, count out six of them, and go back to the living room. Father Benjamin takes them and stuffs them into his pocket, not bothering to count.

“When did the signs of demonic activity begin?” he asks, taking a pen and a small notepad out of his bag.

“I guess…maybe two days ago?”

He writes down a note. “And what activity has there been?”

“Voices…I mean, one voice, in my head. Uhm…shadows? Like, a shadow creature, and weird stuff with the TV and lights.”

“Destruction of property?” Father Benjamin motions around the apartment, which does look like it was hit by a particularly violent poltergeist. Unfortunately, that’s all on me.

“Yes,” I say. Annoth snorts in my head. “Yes, she’s been quite destructive.”

“She?” The priest raises an eyebrow. “A female demon? Interesting.”

“Well,” I say with a shrug and an involuntary grin, “it’s the 21st century now. Women run the world, right?”

His face splits into a smile and he actually laughs. It’s a bit loud and ridiculous, but it makes me smile even harder. “I can see she hasn’t damaged your sense of humor. That’s good.”

This is quite painful for me to witness, Annoth says dryly, and I clear my throat, trying to get the conversation back on track, even though all I want to do is make him laugh again.

He clears his throat too and the smile disappears. “Has the entity told you her name, or made any demands?”

“She said her name was…Annoth’zagoz, and she wants me to…commit crimes, I guess? She said I should strangle the neighbor’s dog, hurt people, stuff like that.”

“And…have you given into any of the demands?”

“Of course not!”

“Have to ask.” He holds his hands up, then sets down the notebook and pen. “Now, if you follow my directions, this might be quick, but I can’t promise it’ll be painless. Ready?”

“I guess so,” I sigh.

“Sit on the couch, please.”

I move over and sit down, anxiously running my hands through my hair and scratching the two-month beard I’ve managed to grow.

“Have you done this before?” I ask as Father Benjamin takes a large crucifix out of his pocket.

“Of course,” he replies with a reassuring smile. Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel better.

“How common is…demon possession?”

“Mr. Keating…” he laughs. “I’ll need you to be quiet for this first part.”

“Right,” I sigh. “Sorry.” He holds the crucifix up and starts speaking quickly and quietly in Latin. I learned some for my Confirmation classes as a kid, but I can’t follow anything he’s saying, so I just clench my hands together and close my eyes.

Nothing is happening, says Annoth. Why is nothing happening? I ought to be able to feel myself being drawn out of your body.

“I don’t know,” I reply out loud, not thinking. Father Benjamin falters slightly and looks up at me with his eyes wide. I just shrug my shoulders, trying to stay silent as he continues speaking in Latin.

This is ridiculous, Annoth seethes after another full minute where nothing happens. This priest is either incompetent or fraudulent and must be dealt with accordingly.

“No!” I snap.

The priest stops speaking and lowers his crucifix. “Do you feel anything?”

“Uhh…yes, she’s…she’s resisting it,” I tell him. “She’s fighting it.” He looks slightly taken aback, but goes back to his bag of supplies and returns with a clear, plastic bottle bearing a gold cross.

“Holy water,” he says. “Sometimes…it takes more time for it to start working.” I close my eyes and nod as the droplets hit me. He continues speaking in Latin, but I still don’t feel anything other than Annoth’s anger building.

I try to talk to her down inside my head. Just be patient.

I am patient, she snarls, but something is very wrong here. This priest is not a believer. It is the only explanation.

What do you mean?

I will test his faith, she murmurs, and then we shall see. Before I can say or do anything to stop her, the windows darken with shadows that seem to be pouring out of my body. Father Benjamin has his eyes closed, but they snap open as the lights begin to flicker and the shadows start to take shape in front of me.

“Holy fuck!” he yells, dropping the bottle and throwing an arm up over his head.

“Stop it!” I shout at Annoth. Her looming form and burning ember eyes hover in the middle of the room between me and Father Benjamin, and he scrambles away as she extends a shadowy, clawed hand toward him.

“Now do you believe, priest?” she growls.

“Oh my God…” he gasps, his eyes wide and glassy with fear. “Oh my fucking God, it’s real…” Annoth suddenly lunges toward him and he scrambles toward the door of my apartment. She wraps a shadow around his ankle and jerks him backward, slamming him into the floor. He rolls over, looking dazed, and I move to stand between them. I’m not sure exactly what I can do against a demon, but I’m not willing to be responsible for his death, so I put my hands up and scream at her to leave him alone.

6

Annoth

Clambering to his feet, the priest lets out a string of words in another language, shielding his face with his hands. Theodore stands between us, and I can see that he is willing to put himself in harm’s way for this stranger, even as the priest backs toward the door. Theodore turns and sees him attempting to escape.

“Please, don’t go!” he yells. “It’s not done yet! I need your help!”

“I-I’m so sorry!” Father Benjamin sputters, his jaw slack and his eyes wide. “I didn’t think…I didn’t realize…this isn’t…”

“Do not allow him to leave!” I cry. “He sees the truth! He can complete the ritual!” But Theodore is shaking now, and braces himself against the wall while the priest seizes his bag and wrenches the door open, then disappears into the hallway. Theodore will not move. His breathing is rapid and shallow, and I withdraw back into his body, which is laced with physical pain, but not enough fear or panic for me to take control. Even now, his emotions are dulled, and I let out a scream of aggravation, which causes him to clutch his head.

“Wh-where did he go?”

He took your money and fled, I growl. You ought to go after him and exact revenge. Force him to complete the exorcism and then I will rip his–

“I’m not going anywhere!” Theo gasps. “That hurt so fucking bad…why did that hurt me?”

The connection between host and demon is strong, I answer. Your physical body has not yet adjusted to being my host, and my powers will affect your well-being, just as your emotions affect me.

“I-I don’t understand,” he coughs, slumping down to the floor and leaning against the wall. “What went wrong?”

He did not believe. He did not think that I was real and was attempting to steal your money. When I showed myself, he fled like a coward. It is appearing less and less likely that I will be able to rid myself of you, Theodore. You must go after him and force him to complete the exorcism. Now that he has seen the truth, it ought to have the intended effect. Afterwards, I will punish him for his insolence myself.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Theodore groans, pulling himself up. “And I don’t blame him for running. He probably forgot all about the money when he saw you like that.”

You are soft! I tell him. Weak! And I will not endure this foolishness a moment longer. You will go after him! I move to the back of his mind and begin to scratch again, but he merely walks over and slumps down on the couch, holding his head.

“If you don’t quit doing that, I’ll go up on the roof and throw myself off,” he mutters. I desist immediately. If Theodore perishes, I do too, and given his current emotional state, I do not think that he is bluffing.

What will we do now, then? I cannot remain here with you.

Theodore picks up his telephone and begins typing on the screen. “I’m going to look for other…priests…exorcists, I guess. There’s a couple Catholic churches around here. Maybe they’ll know someone.” He makes several phone calls, and I listen closely. No one at the first church is trained to perform exorcisms. The priest who answers at the next church is apparently a friend of Theodore’s father, and Theodore immediately ends the call without a greeting. There is no answer at the third church. No luck. No exorcist. No way out of this mess. No way, except, perhaps…to approach the problem from a new angle.

In the final phase of my training, we were taught that some human hosts, particularly males, might be more responsive to…gentle treatment. A slow, smooth seduction, rather than a forceful terror campaign. Theodore has recently parted ways with his female lover. He is clearly lonely, in need of companionship. I am not a demon of lust, sent here to seduce and beguile with such feminine wiles, but perhaps I can improvise. I soften the shadows I have threaded through his body, trying to make my presence warmer, more soothing. He has ceased his search for another exorcist and is lying still on the couch with his eyes closed.

“What are you doing in there? I can feel that. It’s weird.”

I am doing my best to build your strength, I answer in a softer tone of voice. If you are weak, you may not survive another exorcism attempt.

“Well, quit it,” he snaps. “I don’t trust you.”

Perhaps you should trust me, I murmur, coiling my heat lower in his body. Perhaps, instead of fighting one another, we could become…allies, if not…friends.

Theodore jumps off the couch and squeezes his head. “Nope! Stop it! You think I don’t know what you’re trying to do? Get your slimy self out of my stomach and back into my head, at least.”

What about something even better? I offer, then pull myself out of him and manifest into a physical form: A human body, soft and feminine, one I believe he will enjoy. He blinks for a moment, taking in the sight of me, then laughs out loud.

“That’s what you’re going with?” he asks. “You must think I’m pretty fucking stupid.” He moves away into the kitchen and pours a glass of water without so much as a second glance at my new body. I let out a short huff of frustration, then go to a mirror hanging behind the door to admire my handiwork. The female body I have created is not exactly the correct shape, perhaps the skin is slightly more gray than I had intended, but the dark hair, pretty face, and revealing costume are certainly well done. And I did manage to do away with the horns, tail, and wings of my demonic form. Perhaps a little more practice and I might be able to hold his attention the way I need to. I turn around and lean on the kitchen countertop. Theodore is watching me from the corner of his eye, but he still does not seem impressed.

“I thought you were quite attracted to the princess from the Star Wars films, especially when she wears this…ridiculous outfit,” I purr. Moving my mouth to speak is a strange feeling, and I run my fingers along my fleshy jawline, taking in the smoothness and heat of my new skin.

“I am,” Theodore answers, setting his cup down rather aggressively, “but I’m also not dumb enough to fall for that.” He turns away and I spot a photograph sitting face down on the countertop. Theodore is occupied, digging through one of his cabinets, so I pick it up. The human female sitting beside him in the image is not unattractive. Rather small and mousy-looking, with brown eyes too large for her pale, petite face, and a cascade of shining brown hair tied into a braid over her shoulder. Theodore looks happy, however, with his arm around her waist and his lips pressed to the side of her head as she beams. I suppose this is what human affection looks like.

“I could attempt to take on this form,” I say, holding the photograph up as he turns back around. Apparently horrified at my suggestion, he snatches it from my hand.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he hisses. “That’s another thing that’ll send me up to the roof and off the edge. Got it?”

“Very well,” I sigh. This new approach does not seem to be yielding the results I want, but then I recall how Theodore reacted when Father Benjamin came to the door. “I could take on a male form…if you prefer that.”

He merely rolls his eyes. “How about you just shut up, stop with the tricks, and let me think, alright? There was one church where no one answered the phone. Today’s Saturday, so maybe it’s the priest’s day off or something, but he’ll definitely be there tomorrow. We just need to…go down there tomorrow after Mass and talk to him in person.”

“You will not be able to enter a church while you are my host,” I tell him.

“Fine, that makes sense. I can wait outside until the service is over.”

“Very well. What shall we do until then?” I glance around the living area. I have no basis for comparison, but I suppose it could be classified as ‘filthy’: Rumpled, unwashed clothing strewn across the floor and furniture, pieces of trash, used dishware, and dust. A great deal of dust on most surfaces.

“I don’t know.” Theodore scrubs his face with his hands and pushes his hair back. This is clearly not the same man from the photograph, who was clean-shaven and well-dressed.

“Explain to me what has happened,” I say, pulling up one of the tall chairs beside the counter and sitting in it.

He looks up at me, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Explain what?”

“What has caused you to live like this?” I wave my hand around at the apartment. “If I am to make another attempt at possession once we are separated, I ought to be able to understand human behavior. I fear my training did not discuss certain things in…so much detail.”

Theodore lets out a weak laugh. “Your training? What, demons have…meetings and performance reports and shit like that?”

“I do not understand these terms, but yes, I did have training prior to this mission.”

“And your ‘training’ didn’t cover basic human behavior?”

“Insomuch as it related to possession, yes, but I am finding that perhaps it was…insufficient. I was not prepared for this particular scenario.”

“Ok, look,” Theodore sighs, “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but…I’ll give you some…pointers or something, if you promise to leave me alone the rest of the day. Deal?”

“I accept your offer,” I say, putting my hand out. Theodore eyes it warily. “I shall not trouble you the remainder of the day, if you will provide me with more detailed information on human behaviors and emotions.”

“Go sit on the couch then,” he says, moving away without shaking my hand, “but…God, can you please…change what you’re wearing?” I glance down at my attire, which does seem a touch over-the-top now that my planned seduction has failed. But what do human females normally wear? I have only watched the Star Wars films since arriving, and I do not think that is an accurate depiction of modern clothing. I look around the apartment and see more photographs hanging on the wall.

“Who is this female?” I ask, pointing to one.

“That’s Molly, my big sister.”

“Is this clothing typical of females in your age subset and geographic location?”

“I…guess so?” Theodore laughs, coming to look at the picture. “Here, try this.” He turns on the television and changes the pictures for a moment before stopping on one. I approach and observe the images. A group of humans sit around a table in a kitchen, eating and talking. Three males and three females. I quickly take in the females’ attire and then shift my own shadow-clothing to match.

“Is this acceptable?” I ask, turning back to Theodore. He looks me up and down, then swallows.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Now, just sit down and watch this show. It’s…a bit outdated, I guess, but you might be able to learn something.” I sit on the couch and curl my legs beneath me.

The human form I have taken on feels strange and unwieldy: awkward limbs and long hair and strange lumps of flesh on my chest, but I can see by watching the television that I have done relatively well. I glance over at Theodore, who is wandering about the living area aimlessly, picking up bits of garbage and tossing them into a box. I can sense his eyes flicker over to me occasionally, but I am not sure if the glances are suspicious or desirous. My training certainly did not cover this type of human, but I am nothing if not adaptable, and I have waited centuries for this. Perhaps, I must simply wait a little longer, bide my time and feign softness before he gives in. Then, I shall rip him open, sink my teeth into his very soul, and he will be mine.

7

Theo

There’s a demon sitting on my couch. She’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans that look like they were pulled straight out of 1999, and she’s watching Friends like it’s some kind of masterpiece. It’s probably not the best example of normal human behavior I could have given her to watch, but it was either that or Real Housewives. Friends seems safer. When she appeared in human form earlier, wearing that Princess Leia bikini, I thought I was having a heart attack. If I was a weaker man, I might have given into it, because fuck…she did look insanely hot.

I just have to keep reminding myself that she’s either a very vivid hallucination or a literal demon from Hell, sent to possess my body and make me do terrible things. Right now though, she looks almost normal: sitting on the couch with her legs tucked up, resting her chin on her knee. She’s swapped out the dark brown hair for a lighter auburn color, and her skin is a more natural porcelain shade now. Not sure why she had to keep the Jessica-Rabbit-body though, because it’s honestly a bit distracting. I putter around the living room, picking up a few pieces of trash as an excuse to keep an eye on her.

She’s clearly switching up her game and it’s making me suspicious. Maybe she really is just biding her time until we can find a real exorcist, one who won’t run out on me with $600 in his pocket. Maybe she really does feel like her training was inadequate and wants to learn more. Or maybe she’s waiting for me to let my guard down, taking on a less terrifying form, acting sweet and innocent because she’s figured out that I’m a sucker for a cute girl who wants to lie on the couch and watch Star Wars all day and–fuck! Stop it! This is probably part of her demon magic or whatever, luring me into a false sense of security. Focus. Get through the rest of the day and go to the church tomorrow to find a real priest. Hopefully, Friends is enough to keep Annoth distracted until then.

“So this female,” she says, waving at the TV, “…Phoebe, she refuses to eat the flesh of other creatures?”

I stop picking up trash and attempt to formulate a response. “Yeah, it’s a thing that some humans do. It’s called being vegetarian.”

“Why do they do this?”

“Well…for different reasons. Some people do it because…oh, God, how do I explain this? The way that meat–animal flesh–is processed nowadays makes it kind of unhealthy for humans to eat. So, they’re trying to be healthier. But most vegetarians I know do it because they really love animals and they want to try and…reduce suffering, even for cows or pigs or chickens.”

Her eyes narrow. “They wish to…prevent the suffering of animals?”

“Yes,” I snort. “I know that must be terribly difficult for you to understand, considering you wanted to make me strangle a dog or drown kittens.”

“Ridiculous human sentimentality,” she quips, then returns to watching the show. I shake my head and finish picking up trash, but now I feel exhausted.

The attempted exorcism was painful, and my body isn’t in great shape from two months of eating takeout, pizza, and Lucky Charms. I’m sore as hell, like I worked out, even though I haven’t even been near a gym recently. I find an old granola bar in a drawer and sink into a chair at the breakfast bar to eat it. Annoth remains quiet, engrossed in the show. It’s putting me on edge.

“You don’t…need to eat, do you?” I ask, just to fill the silence.

“I do not require physical sustenance, no,” she answers, not tearing her eyes away from the screen. “Nor do I require liquid to drink.”

“So, what would happen if you ate food? Or drank water?”

She finally looks at me and thinks for a moment. “I am not entirely sure. I have never used this physical form in this world before.”

“Would you like to try eating something? Just…for the experience?” I have no idea why I’m asking her. Maybe it’s because I was raised to always be extra polite to guests, or maybe I’m starting to accept that this is real and I’m just a little curious, but she seems genuinely curious too. Maybe I could use that to my advantage–show her so much human stuff that she forgets she’s supposed to be taking over my soul and making me do terrible things. She studies me closely, as if she can see what I’m thinking. Can she? Shit. I didn’t even consider that.

“What varieties of human food do you have?” she asks, and I look around.

“Well…not much, actually. I don’t think your first foray into eating should be stale Lucky Charms and bad milk.” I get up and pull a stack of take-out menus from a drawer, then toss a few onto the coffee table in front of her. “I can order delivery though, which is probably way better than anything I make anyway.” She picks the menus up one by one and examines the pictures and words carefully.

“Can…can you even read?” I ask cautiously, and she snorts, causing black smoke to shoot from her nostrils.

“Of course, I can read,” she growls, tossing most of the menus aside, “but I do not understand what these words mean!” A burst of blue flame shoots out of her fingertips, incinerating the menu she’s holding.

“Woah, what the fuck!?” I yell. She just laughs and drops the burning paper into a dirty cereal bowl on the side table. I run to open the window before the smoke detectors go off. “You cannot just light shit on fire when you get mad!”

“Why not?” she asks with a frown. “I do not understand the food list, so I destroyed it. Now it will no longer trouble me.”

Jesus fucking Christ. I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath.

“Annoth…you can’t just destroy things, especially not things that belong to other people, and especially not with fire.”

“Why not? Fire is the most effective method of disposal.” She holds her finger up and a tiny blue flame appears at the tip, like a lighter. When she grins up at me, I can see that she’s given herself elongated fangs, like a fucking vampire. Lord, what is happening to me?

I take a deep breath before I speak again. “I’m going to explain this to you like you’re a toddler, ok? Fire. Is. Dangerous. You do not play with it, and you do not conjure it magically in my living room, or any other room. Understand? You could burn down the whole building.”

“Oh,” she breaths, her weird black eyes lighting up, “what an excellent idea, Theodore!”

“No!” I cry. “Oh my God, no! It wasn’t a suggestion! Goddamnit. Ok, if you burn the building down, I will not save myself, alright? I’ll stay right here and die and then so will you.” I think she’s…pouting? Is that what this facial expression is? She actually looks upset that I won’t let her commit arson and mass murder.

“Very well,” she grumbles, and turns her attention back to the TV. “I do not have a preference as to the type of human food you have delivered.” I take a few more deep breaths, then pull out my phone. An angry girl demon should enjoy insanely spicy Thai noodles, right?

8

Annoth

The food Theodore has procured appears disgusting. Lumpy, brown, slimy, with chunks of orange or green mixed in with what appears to be white animal flesh. He opens the containers and arrays them on the table in front of the couch. I will admit that the smell emanating from the brown lumps is enticing, but I wait for him to tell me which one to try first.

He holds a silver utensil out in front of me and says, “Fork.”

“I know what it is,” I growl as I snatch it from him.

“Yeah, do you use a big one to stab sinners all day long down in Hell?”

“I most certainly do not. Why would I be given command over flames just to use such a rudimentary tool of torture?”

“So you just…burn people?” he asks, his voice full of apprehension.

“Mostly,” I reply, offering him the sweetest grin I can muster. “If I am feeling particularly bored, I may resort to stabbing or shredding, but I would use my claws or tail for that purpose, not a giant fork.”

He swallows and looks back down at the food. “Alright, well, that’s horrific, so we’re just gonna pretend I never asked. Here, I got this one with all the extra spice they could put in it.”

“Spice?” I ask, pulling the container he has indicated toward me.

“Yeah, so it’ll taste like it’s burning you from the inside out.” I stab some of the noodles with my fork and bring it to my mouth. The taste is, dare I say, heavenly. The scorching sensation takes over my human form, causing my eyes to water and my cheeks to burn. It feels so familiar, like Hellfire licking across my skin again, that I am almost homesick. I let out a breath through my nose, exhaling smoke and causing Theodore to jump slightly.

“Does that mean…you like it?” he asks before shoving a clump of noodles into his own mouth.

I swallow and answer quietly. “I believe the word is…delicious.” We eat in silence, with only the noise of the television in the background, and the sounds of the city coming in through the open window. I manage to finish the first dish in only a few minutes, then stand up and look outside.

“How many towers comprise your city?”

Theodore has noodles hanging from his mouth, and for some reason, it makes me want to laugh. Not with malice or derision, but with amusement. “Uhhh…” he mutters, swallowing his food. “I dunno exactly. We really aren’t that organized. They aren’t called First Tower, Second Tower, Third Tower…like yours apparently are.”

“So, humans are not assigned to live in one tower or another?”

“No, people can live wherever they want…or wherever they can afford, I guess.”

“No wonder your world produces so much sin,” I scoff. “There is no order, no organization.”

“Some people might call that freedom,” says Theodore with a shrug. “My turn to ask a question: why do demons possess people? Isn’t there enough sin in the world already? Why come here and then make it worse, and then punish people for the sins you’re forcing them to commit?” I turn to face him and smile. This clearly makes him uncomfortable, but I cannot help myself. It is in my nature to intimidate and to sow fear, even when I am attempting to ‘play nice’.

“Some souls are born corrupt,” I explain. “Others are corrupted by the world as they age, and we need not touch those until they come to us. But the sweetest victories are the ones we bring about ourselves. Possessed souls are like trophies, to bring home and display to our brethren and say ‘look, after all these millennia, even the purest of human souls can still succumb to sin and vice’.”

“The purest of human souls?”

“Yes, our targets are usually humans whose souls are clean, honest. Those who might not otherwise fall to the type of sin we force them to commit.”

Theodore appears alarmed. “How do I fit that description?”

“I am not in charge of host selection,” I say with a wry smile, sitting back on the couch, “but if I were made to guess, it might have to do with your willingness to show hospitality to the demon seeking to usurp your free will and compel you to commit heinous acts against your fellow humans.” Theodore looks around at the food on the table and crimson blooms on his cheeks.

“So I was picked because I’m…nice?”

“Perhaps, or perhaps because my masters believed that your weakened mental state would make you more susceptible to my influence.” I let out a long sigh. “Clearly, they were misinformed.”

“So, I was supposed to just be Easy Mode for you?” he asks with a laugh.

“What is Easy Mode?”

“Oh, uh…video games? Look.” He goes to the TV, presses a few buttons, and picks up another small device, then sits on the couch beside me. “This one is old school, and it’s not too hard, but with a lot of games you can pick which setting you want to play on: Easy, Moderate, Hard, you know. The game changes based on which setting you pick.” Shapes appear on the screen and begin to move, making small dinging sounds as they bounce off one another. Theodore presses the buttons on his device, which appears to control the shapes on the screen. He also makes small sounds as he plays–grunts and sighs and strings of curse words.

“What is the objective?” I ask.

“Shoot down the alien ships. Those big ones.”

“But this is wanton violence. I thought you were against this.”

“It’s just a game. Not real. Like the movies and the show you were watching. It’s entertainment. Want to try?” I hesitate when he holds the device out, his face earnest and soft. Is he toying with me? Trying to get me to lower my guard? One good turn deserves another, I suppose. Perhaps he is more devious than I took him for, but two can play this game. I give him the sweetest smile I can muster and push the device away.

“I shall observe you a while longer, so I might learn the strategy.” I pick up another container of food and lean back on the couch. He eyes me warily, but continues playing while I allow myself to enjoy the heat of the food as it hits my tongue.

Video games. Spicy noodles. Television. Hospitality. I was not informed of these things. At the moment, however, I am somewhat glad that my training was incomplete, because I dare say I am enjoying myself.

9

Theo

Holy fuck, what time is it?

I look down at my phone. More texts from Molly, more DMs from my friends, and more missed calls from Mom. It’s 2am. I look back at Annoth, expecting to see her asleep, but she’s wide awake, covered in a blanket. Ros always fell asleep reading on the couch next to me while I played video games. It was some of my favorite time, doing our own separate things, but still together. She usually had one or both cats curled up in her lap though, and I realize that I haven’t even seen Dante and Virgil all day. I think they’re probably afraid of Annoth, who tears her eyes away from the TV screen and looks at me.

“Why have you stopped playing?”

“Do you…do you not need to sleep either?” I ask.

“No.”

“Oh, ok, that’s…weird. Well, I do need to sleep and I’d rather not sleep in the bed.

“Why not?”

“I just don’t want to. I haven’t since Ros left.”

“Ros was your lover?”

“My…girlfriend, yeah.”

“The one you lost.”

“I didn’t lose her. We just…broke up.”

“Is that why your living space is in such a state?”

“Part of the reason, yes.”

“What are the other parts?”

I toss my controller down and stand up. “Look, I’m not talking about this with you. You’re not my therapist, and I know what you’re trying to do. I’d rather sleep on the couch than the bed, so can you…find somewhere else to lurk?”

She frowns at me, then picks up the video game controller. “I would like to commit mass murder on the alien invaders. You may begin sleeping in your bedroom again. I shan’t trouble you.”

“I don’t know if I believe that,” I tell her, crossing my arms. “How do I know you won’t hurt the cats, or go roaming around the building tearing out people’s throats and drinking their blood?”

“I cannot leave your general vicinity,” she says, then grins up at me, flashing her fangs, “and besides, I prefer livers or spines, not throats. The sensation is much more…satisfying.”

Nausea shoots through my body, but I shake it away. “So you can’t leave the apartment on your own?”

“That is correct.” She starts playing the game, and I’m distracted for a moment watching how good she is already.

“How do I know you aren’t lying?”

She doesn’t even look up. “Go, leave your apartment and you will find out.” I glance at the door, then grab my keys just in case she tries to lock it behind me for some reason.

“Alright…I’m going.” Leaving the door ajar, I check for any neighbors who happen to be out at 2am, then walk toward the stairwell. As I go, I feel a tugging sensation behind my breastbone. It gets stronger and stronger, then when I’m about halfway down the first flight of stairs, there’s a whooshing sound in my ears and I feel like I’ve been blasted by hot air.

Do you believe me now? says Annoth in my head. If we are too far from one another, I will be pulled back into your body.

“Yeah, alright, fine,” I grumble. “I believe you. Just…stay in there until we’re back in the apartment. I don’t need anyone seeing you.”

Why is that?

“Because…a lot of my neighbors know Ros and I don’t want them to tell her I have a strange woman in my apartment.”

She is no longer your lover. What concern is it of hers if you are seen with another female now?

“It’s just…it’s complicated, ok? Emotional shit. Human stuff.”

Hmmm. Very well. Back in the apartment, she waits until I’ve closed the door to come back out into her physical form. She’s wearing sweatpants and a tank top now, with her hair pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. If it weren’t for the pointed canine teeth, slightly ridged ears, and creepy blackness of her eyes, she could easily pass for human. Seizing the game controller, she flops back down on the couch and pulls a blanket over her long legs.

“Ok, well…goodnight then, I guess.” I back slowly out of the living room, keeping my eyes on her. She’s got her chin propped on her knee again, and is so intently focused on the game I think she might have forgotten about both me and her mission. Did I just find a hack for distracting my demon?

I go to the bedroom, where I find Dante and Virgil pacing and meowing. I bring their food dishes in from the laundry room and give them each an extra handful, then look around for something semi-clean to sleep in the rest of the night. How long have I been wearing these same clothes? Shame starts to swirl in my chest, but I shut it down, remembering what Annoth said about using those emotions to get control over me.

As I search for clothes, I try not to look at the bed. What if it still smells like her? Rosewater perfume and cucumber lotion. Soft, gentle, quiet. After she left, I washed the sheets four times, but her scent still clung to everything. I ordered new sheets, but even the mattress smells like her. The pillows too. By the time I thought about buying a new mattress, I’d lost my job. After that, I could barely function, and I was already sleeping on the couch every night anyway.

“Theodore,” says a voice nearby. I’m not used to having other people around, and I’m so startled I nearly fall over while I’m changing into a different pair of sweatpants. Annoth stands in the bedroom doorway, her eyes sweeping over my completely naked body. I hold the sweatpants in front of myself.

“Can you go away, please? For God’s sake!”

“Oh, yes, I forgot.” She turns around with a huff. “You humans and your ridiculous modesty. I wish to watch more films while you sleep.”

I quickly pull the sweatpants on and grab the first T-shirt I can find.

“Yeah, ok, let me show you how the remote works.” I follow her back to the living room and see that she’s made herself some kind of little nest out of my throw blankets and a pillow. If she were a human woman, I’d think it was adorable, but all I can really imagine is a vulture sitting in a tree, waiting for a wounded animal to die so it can feast.

“Which film would you suggest I watch next?” she asks, reaching down to pick up a container of white rice she has apparently doused in hot sauce, judging by the way the smell burns my nose. The funny way she holds the fork catches my attention, and I have an idea that may or may not be a good one.

“There’s one in particular you might like,” I say with a smirk. “It’s about a mermaid with red hair who likes forks and wants to learn about human things.”

“What is a mermaid?”

I let out a loud sigh. “Uhhh…it’s like a half-fish, half-human creature. Fictional. Not real. Just for stories.”

“And what happens to the fish creature with red hair?”

“Uh-uh, no spoilers.” I press my finger to my lips as I click on The Little Mermaid. “You’ll just have to watch and find out.”

Annoth pouts, but shovels rice into her mouth anyway as she watches the opening sequence. “I do not enjoy surprises,” she tells me, wiping hot sauce from her chin with the back of her hand. Maybe I should teach her about table manners next. She eats like my 7-year-old nephew.

“Well, I do not enjoy being possessed by a bitchy pyromaniac demon, but here we are.”

She just grins up at me. “Goodnight, Theodore.”

I go back to my room and swap my pillow to the opposite end of the bed from where I used to have it, then yank the comforter around me. Once I’m settled in, Dante and Virgil curl up in their usual positions on either side of my neck and I impulsively check my phone again.

Still nothing from Ros, but maybe I should be glad of that. If she came over right now, it would be a disaster–even if there’s a small, petty part of me that wants her to find a beautiful, insane woman sitting on my couch watching Disney movies and eating Thai food. But for Ros’s own safety, and mine, it’s better she stays away. Being around her again would bring up all kinds of feelings, and as long as Annoth is around, feeling anything is dangerous.

10

Annoth

I watch films all night while Theodore sleeps. First, the story about the mermaid who wishes to be human. I cannot weep, but I feel some kind of strange flutter in my chest when the human prince does not balk during her horrifying transformation back into a sea creature.

Next, I watch the tale of a young woman trapped in a castle by a terrifying beast and his singing household implements. Again, the stirring in my chest when the girl tells this monster that she loves him and he returns to his human form.

Then, a film about a girl with absurdly long yellow hair, who escapes from her cruel mother with the help of a wanted criminal. In spite of his dubious character, they fall in love, and my chest spasms again when he sacrifices his own life to free her from the hair-related curse.

I understand that these films are meant to stir the emotions of humans, but I possess neither feelings nor a real heart, and so I am unsure why my physical form reacts this way. Yet another eventuality that was not covered in my training. I shall have many new experiences to relate to my superiors when I return to the Seventh Tower. In order to rid myself of the strange sensations, I switch television channels, hoping to get a better sense of more realistic human behaviors.

When Theodore awakens in the morning, he tears around the apartment, gathering articles of dirty clothing. He puts them into a large, white machine in another room, which makes a horrific sound that he insists this is normal. Normal or not, it sets my teeth on edge and puts me in a foul mood.

“Did you eat all that food last night?” he asks, surveying the pile of empty containers on the table in front of the couch.

“Yes. It was quite satisfactory. I should like more.”

He laughs softly. “Well, I don’t have a lot of food here. We need to get to the church before Mass gets out, but I can stop at the grocery store on the way home. I probably need to shop anyway.”

“If I am still here,” I say pointedly. “Perhaps the priest can perform an exorcism immediately.”

“Yeah, that would probably be best. Also, when we go out, I need you to stay…out of sight. Inside my body, I guess.”

I give him a knowing smile. “Ah, in case someone should see us together and inform Rosalind?”

“Yes, I don’t need–wait, how did you know that’s her full name?”

“It is written here,” I say, picking up a piece of mail from the side table. “Rosalind Parker and Theodore Keating.”

“Ok good.” He sounds relieved. “I thought maybe you could…dig through my memories or something.”

“It is probably good for both of us that I cannot,” I say with another grin. He lets out a breathy laugh, then goes back to deal with the horrific-sounding white machine, stating that he requires clean garments in order to leave his apartment.

I consider his request that I stay hidden during our excursion. This could be my final chance to take hold of his mind, and I should not waste it. Being exorcised is not an ideal way to return home. It is not a loss, but it is certainly not a triumph either. It would be better for me to complete my mission, but Theodore’s emotional state is quite grim. Even though he smiles and laughs sometimes, and appears to become agitated with me, when I am inside him, I feel nothing. If I can find a way to elicit a true, emotional reaction from him–something raw and real and bone-deep–then I could seize control, and I now know exactly how to do it. I stand up and slip down the hall toward his bedroom, where the door is slightly ajar.

“Theodore!” I call out.

There is a slight twinge of annoyance when he answers, “Yes?”

“What type of weather is it outdoors today?” I ask, taking a step closer and shifting so I can see into his room, but he cannot see me. The previous night, when I walked in on him changing, I did not see anything in the dim lighting, but now his body is on near-full display.

I have never seen a living human like this before. By the time their souls reach me in the Seventh Tower, they are contorted, burned, scarred by sin; mere twisted shadows of their physical forms. Theodore is certainly none of those things. The planes of his chest and stomach do not resemble some of the males I observed on the television, with a robust, well-defined musculature, but he is certainly young and fit. Wavy, chestnut hair hangs unkempt around his eyes, and splatters of dark freckles, numerous as stars, cover his shoulders. One of his upper arms bears the tattooed image of six beautiful red flowers, and I have the urge to trace the lines of ink with my fingers.

When he turns toward me, I cannot help but run my eyes along the V-shaped ridges of muscle at his hips, which frame a line of soft hair that disappears beneath his waistband. I suppose, if I had to be stuck with any human, this one at least has some visual appeal. Theodore pulls a shirt over his torso, and I avert my gaze while he looks at his telephone screen.

“Uh…it’s chilly,” he replies. “Don’t you have an internal heating system I could use though?” He chuckles at his own joke, and I find myself smiling.

“Yes, I could keep you warm,” I answer, just as he opens his bedroom door and nearly slams into me. We stand a few inches apart, and he looks down with a curious expression in his bright blue eyes, which I now notice are flecked with little shafts of green light, like the pieces of smooth glass hanging on a string in his window.

“Were you watching me change?” he asks, a crease between his eyebrows. “Given how angry and violent you are, I kinda figured you were some kind of wrath demon, not lust.”

I turn my face up and flash my teeth. “I am now, but I have also spent time in the Second Tower, many centuries ago.”

“Ah, so it is like Dante’s Inferno?” he says, moving past me and down the hall. The skipping sensation in my chest returns even though I am not watching a film, and I pause for a moment before following, wondering where it might have come from this time.

“Who is Dante, and why does he own an inferno?”

“No, no,” Theodore laughs, pulling on a pair of shoes, “it’s an old poem about the different circles or levels of Hell. The first circle is the most ‘mild’, for unbaptized people, and then each level gets worse as you go down. I think there’s nine all together. It was one of Ros’s favorite books. That’s what she named the cats after.” He motions to where the animals, who he informed me before are called Dante and Virgil, sit in the hallway, watching us closely.

“Intriguing,” I reply. “We have no levels or circles, only our great towers, which stand watch around the eternal lake of flames.”

“I don’t think I want the details,” Theodore says as he puts on a jacket and a scarf. “I’m ready to go if you could…make yourself scarce, please.” Ah, yes. He does not wish to be seen with me in public. I pull myself inward, into the shadows, and return to the cavity I have created inside his body. His heartbeat is irregular and his breathing quickened, something lingering on the edge of his mind. Not enough for me to take control, but enough of an emotional stirring that all my instincts turn toward it, like a hound scenting a rabbit.

You are anxious, Theodore, I say softly.

“I just haven’t left the apartment in a few weeks,” he snaps. “I don’t like being around a lot of people anyway, but…I haven’t gone out in a while.”

Why do you become unsettled around other humans? I thought that sociality was part of human nature.

“It is, but…I’m just wired wrong, I guess. I don’t like crowds, ever since I was a kid, but it’s gotten worse recently. Especially since…well, yeah.”

If you do not leave the apartment, we will not be rid of one another, Theodore.

“I know,” he grumbles. “Trust me, I fucking know. Just…stay quiet, ok? Let me focus on not having a panic attack.”

Very well, I reply. Little does he know, he may have just handed me the key to completing my mission.

11

Theo

I pull a ball cap over my grown-out hair, then lock the door behind me and walk toward the stairs, praying I don’t run into anyone I know. My friends haven’t heard from me in weeks. I’m sure the only way they know I’m still alive is through Ros, who is undoubtedly getting information through her sister, who is my sister’s childhood best friend. Maybe no one will recognize me, between the beard and the hair and the hat. In the lobby of my building, I stop to peek inside my mailbox, which is blessedly empty.

When I step outside, my shoulders automatically hunch and I pull my scarf up a little to hide my face. Walking seven blocks during the post-church lunch rush feels daunting right now, and I have to take a moment in an alcove by the building entrance just to gather myself.

“It’s the only way,” I whisper. “Only way to be done with…this.” Annoth is silent, and I wonder for a moment if leaving my apartment hasn’t triggered the hallucination to dissipate. I carefully call out to her in my head. Annoth?

“Yes, Theodore?” answers a rather husky female voice. Fuck! She’s come out, manifested, whatever it’s called. She’s wearing a ridiculously short plaid skirt that I’m 100% sure she saw on an episode of Friends, paired with tights, thigh high boots, and a dark green winter coat. Her hair is that light auburn color again, falling in soft waves almost down to her waist, and her weird, ridged ears are concealed by a cream-colored beanie. She’s even given herself some dark red lipstick and eye makeup this time. Once again, she would be stunning if she wasn’t a bloodthirsty demon, but one look at those pointed teeth and I can’t help but shudder.

I step closer to her and hiss, “I told you to stay inside me!”

“And you thought I would stand down and obey? Come now, Theodore. Am I Hellspawn or a pet dog?”

“You’re a hateful bitch,” I say between gritted teeth, anxiety rising up through my body.

“And you are a spineless coward,” she replies with a dazzling grin, then she loops her arm through mine and laughs as though I’ve told a very funny joke.

“I’m fucking serious!” I snarl, wrenching out of her grasp. “I know what you’re trying to do!” My chest clenches and I press a hand over my heart. Annoth takes a step toward me, her eyes shining and lips pulled back over her fangs. She can sense it–the way my heart is pounding, the ringing in my ears. A panic attack. A weak spot. A way for her to take control of me. Faces of people on the sidewalk start to blur together and I lean against the wall of the alcove, trying to steady my breathing, but none of my usual grounding techniques are working. Things I can see: just Annoth’s hungry black eyes, boring into me. Things I can hear: sirens and car horns and people yelling. Not helpful. Things I can smell: brimstone and sulfur, cigarette smoke, car exhaust. That’s making it worse. The edges of my vision start to go dark and she moves closer, caging me in with her body.

“Stop it,” I gasp, putting a hand out.

“Give yourself to me, Theodore,” she purrs. “Let go, and I promise–”

“No!” I shove her aside and stumble onto the sidewalk, lurching between passersby. I can feel her following, hunting me like an animal. There’s a bus moving quickly down the street, and my only thought is that I have to end this before she gets control. Before she hurts anyone. I move toward the curb, a vice grip on my heart. I don’t know if it’s her, or my own blind panic. How much longer do I have before she takes over? My joints burn, my eyes water, my breathing feels labored, then suddenly, there’s a firm hand gripping my arm. I try to jerk away, but they refuse to let go.

“Theo!” a familiar voice echoes in my ears. “Theo, hey! Are you alright?”

A flash of spiky hair, dyed purple and pink. Silver piercings in her notched eyebrow and through her bottom lip. Outrageous, glittery blue eyeshadow. A black and white houndstooth jacket and an armful of colorful fliers.

“Mak? W-what…” I stutter, coming to a stop on the edge of the curb and turning to face my best friend. “Where did–”

“Oh my God, Theo, you look terrible! Come here!” As if she can sense what’s happening, she pulls me into a bone-crushing hug. Truly, a feat of strength for someone so tiny. The feeling of her embrace, her sound of her voice, and the smell of that god-awful men’s cologne she always wears brings me crashing violently back down from my panic attack.

I wrap my arms around her and squeeze. “Makie…what…what are you doing here?”

She pulls back and examines my face with a deep frown. “I live three blocks from here, you idiot! I’ve barely heard from you in two whole months and you have the balls to ask me what I’m doing here? You’re lucky I haven’t called in a goddamn welfare check, Theo! You were about to step in front of a bus, for Christ’s sake!”

“Yeah, I was just…I guess I wasn’t paying attention,” I mutter, running a hand over my face and looking around for Annoth. She’s standing several feet away, face white as a sheet. Recovering from her shock quickly, she paints a sweet smile on her face and approaches us with her hand out.

“There you are, Theo!” she croons, putting on a weird accent and kissing me on the cheek. “It is very good to see you again. Are you quite well? You look ill.”

“Oh, hello,” says Mak, looking Annoth up and down, her eyes wide with surprise. “Theo, who is–”

“I am Annika,” says the demon. “I am foreign student, here for visit.” Her accent is incredibly realistic-sounding, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it’s supposed to be. German? Russian? What kind of name is Annika? The fog of the almost-panic attack is still rolling through my body, making it hard for me to formulate any coherent words. Did I really almost throw myself in front of a bus just now? What the fuck was I thinking?

“Wow,” says Mak, raising an eyebrow at me. “I didn’t realize Theo hosted foreign exchange students…”

“I’m not hosting her,” I say quickly. “My family is. My parents. They host…Catholic students sometimes, through the church. She’s visiting to…to try and see if she wants to do…grad school here.” The words tumble out of me and I wonder if Annoth is somehow influencing them. I can barely even think right now.

“Oh, that’s so cool!” Mak squeals. “Where are you–”

“Hey, Makie,” I interrupt, “we’d love to chat, but we’re actually on our way to a-a…private campus tour…for Annika. Can I promise to text you later?”

“A text?” Mak hisses, smacking me in the arm with her bundle of fliers. “Seriously? Do you have any idea how worried we’ve all been about you? Ros keeps saying you’re alive and you’re fine, but…fuck, Theo! You’ve had us all scared to death!”

“I know!” I groan. “I know, I’m sorry! Look, it’s just been really rough.”

“You know you can talk to us about it!”

“I just haven’t wanted to bother anyone with all the woe-is-me–”

“Oh, quit that stupid toxic bullshit! You’re not like that! You’ve never had a problem talking about stuff before.”

“I just…didn’t know what to say, alright? This is different than…anything else I’ve been through. I felt like I had to deal with it on my own.”

“I get it, Theo,” says Mak gently, putting a hand on my arm. “I just hope you know that we’re all here, whatever you need. We miss you!”

“I know,” I tell her with a smile. “I promise I’ll get there. What are you pestering people about anyway?” Mak works for the city, doing marketing for tourism and recreation, but she also volunteers with a lot of local non-profits, and I can only assume that’s why she’s out on a Sunday morning with a stack of fliers. She eagerly hands me one and bounces as she explains.

“It’s a fundraiser for the city animal shelter! We’re bringing some animals up for adoption, and a bunch of local vendors are selling pet stuff, plus there’s going to be a cash bar and food trucks. You need to come out!”

“Brilliant,” I chuckle. “Get people drunk and then convince them to adopt. I like it, but…will Ros be there?”

Mak frowns. “I thought you two were on good terms.”

“We are, I guess, but I just…don’t think we’re there yet.”

“Well, she probably won’t be around. Didn’t you see? She got a new job back at your old high school.”

“I haven’t been on social media at all,” I mutter.

“Oh, well, that’s good,” Mak laughs. “It’s terrible for your mental health. I doubt Ros will be there though, so you have no excuse, other than the fact that you look like the Wolfman.” She grins and reaches up to prod my beard.

“I’ll do my best to be there, Makie, and I’ll do my best to get a haircut first,” I promise, taking the flier and putting it in my pocket. She leans in and gives me another spine-crushing hug, then smiles at Annoth.

“So nice to meet you, Annika! I hope you can make it too!”

“If Theo goes, I will go also,” Annoth says in her fake accent. I fight the urge to roll my eyes and Mak lifts another eyebrow at me, then bounds away to harass a group of church-goers just leaving a service around the corner. Annoth rushes to catch up when I start walking away quickly, tamping down on my emotions, unwilling to let her take advantage of them again.

“You almost fucking killed me,” I hiss at her.

“You nearly killed the both of us!” she snarls back. “What were you thinking?”

“I was having a panic attack! I couldn’t think straight, and I don’t want to be your little puppet, Annoth!” I stop walking and turn to face her. “I don’t want to hurt people, ok? I’m trying to find you a one-way ticket home, but you won’t stop fucking around! If you’d have just stayed inside me like I told you to–”

“Very well!” she snaps, folding her arms and averting her eyes. “I will no longer attempt to take advantage of your emotions, if you will swear not to harm yourself.” There’s something different about her demeanor, as if watching my near-death experience actually put the fear of God into her. At least now she knows I’m not bluffing, but I still don’t trust her. I turn and continue toward the church we’re headed for, hoping that we aren’t too late to catch the priest outside after Mass. Annoth falls into step beside me.

“Did they give you acting lessons in Hell too?” I ask. “That accent was something else.”

“I saw a television program that mentioned foreign students visiting your universities here,” she replies with a shrug. “The woman on the program had an accent, and I thought it might make a sufficient cover story for you.”

“That was…very good planning,” I tell her, refusing to actually say thank you. She doesn’t respond, and we’re silent for a good portion of the walk, but I can’t help noticing that she seems interested in the city, taking everything in as if she’s on vacation in another country. Everything seems to fascinate her, and I can hear her reading the signs under her breath. Even looking as normal as she possibly can, I notice that she attracts plenty of attention herself. Both men and women check her out as we walk by, then they see me and raise their eyebrows. Probably because I look like a hobo and she looks like a Victoria’s Secret model.

“Your city is cleaner than I expected it to be,” she remarks as we wait for a light to cross the street. “I was told that human cities are cesspools of filth and sin.”

“Sounds like the sort of place you’d enjoy. You’d hate my hometown,” I tell her, not sure why I feel the need to continue talking. “It’s tiny, idyllic, clean, safe…full of nice people who take care of their neighbors.”

“Then why do you live here and not there, Saint Theodore?” she asks with a wide grin.

“That’s a very long story that we don’t have time for,” I reply, waving my hand ahead at where Mass attendees are spilling out onto the sidewalk from the old, historic cathedral. I spot the priest shaking hands at the front doors, then pull Annoth into a narrow alley between buildings.

“I need you to…go back inside me now,” I tell her. “It’s going to look weird if we both approach him about this sort of thing.”

She crosses her arms and huffs, “What if I have something to say?”

“I seriously don’t think there’s anything you need to be saying to a priest. And you swore you wouldn’t fuck with me again. Just do what I ask and this can be over sooner, for both of us.”

“Very well,” she sighs loudly. In a puff of dark smoke, she vanishes, and I can feel her floating around inside me. Shaking the sensation away, I peek around the corner and watch as the last parishioner walks away. The priest bends down to unlatch one of the big front doors and close it, so I go up to the bottom of the steps and stop. I didn’t actually ask Annoth what will happen to me if I set foot on church property, but I think it’s better not to risk it.

“Father?” I say, as gently as I can. He looks up and smiles.

“Yes, young man? What can I do for you?”

“Would you mind…speaking with me for a moment? Down here?” I nod down at the sidewalk. He frowns, but grabs a puffer jacket hanging on the railing and puts it on over his liturgical robe as he comes down the steps.

“Is something the matter?”

“Look, I know this sounds a little…crazy, but do you know anyone who can…perform an exorcism?” I look behind me as I say it, afraid that somehow my parents might be standing there.

The priest looks appropriately concerned. “I’m afraid that’s not a joking matter, son.”

“I know it’s not, trust me. I’m not fooling around here. Please.” Annoth swirls in my head, impatient and hostile, and I just hope she doesn’t try to hurt him like she did with Father Benjamin.

“Well…official church policy is that I can’t perform one without the express permission of my bishop–”

“Ok, how do you go about getting that?”

“Hang on. I need the permission of the bishop, but also the family of the individual in question, and that’s after a battery of mental health tests to make sure there are no underlying problems. You understand, I’m sure…”

I let out a long sigh. Of course. It’s not the 80s anymore. They can’t just go around exorcising people just for behaving erratically. I was an idiot to think this would work.

“No, I-I understand completely. Thank you, Father.” I turn to walk away, but he reaches out and puts a hand on my arm, causing Annoth to hiss loudly inside my head.

“Please take this,” he says, handing me a business card, “as well as my prayers.” I take the card and walk away quickly. It’s a list of mental health resources, and a suicide hotline. Great. Annoth waits until we’re around the corner, alone on a side street before coming back out.

“Now what?” she growls.

“I don’t fucking know,” I snap back. “You got us into this mess! You figure it out!”

“I told you, I cannot–” She stops talking suddenly, her intense gaze fixed on something behind me. I turn and look. Getting out of an old-school, weirdly familiar black car down the block is a man wearing a leather jacket and dark sunglasses. Annoth goes completely still and doesn’t tear her eyes away from him as he leans on the side of the car and looks down at his phone.

“What?” I ask. “Why are you staring?”

“It is him,” she says in a low voice. “Father Benjamin. The priest who robbed you.”

I look again. Sure enough, he takes off his sunglasses and turns so I can see his face better. It’s definitely him, just wearing street clothes.

“Stop staring!” I say to her. “You look like a snake stalking a mouse! What are you going to do?”

“He can complete the ritual outside of the authority of the church,” she whispers. “He did not finish it because he was too frightened, but now he must believe, and we can force his hand by threatening to turn him in for the robbery and fraud he has committed.”

“What?! Annoth, that’s not–”

But she’s already walking toward him, her hands balled into fists at her side. I follow, absolutely sure that I’m about to witness a gruesome murder. He looks up just as she reaches the back of his car.

“Hi there,” he says, looking her up and down appreciatively. “Do I know–”

Before he can finish the sentence, Annoth seizes him by the back of his neck. He gasps in pain as she forces him into a crouch, both of them hidden by the car. The tips of her fingers have turned into sharp black claws. My heart begins to hammer double-time, but at least I’m thinking clearly enough to take out my phone and snap a picture of his license plate. Insurance, I tell myself. Leverage, says the voice in the back of my mind.

“You do know me, and I am in need of your services, Father,” Annoth says softly as I stand in front of them, glancing up and down the street to make sure there’s no one around. Father Benjamin looks up and appears to recognize me.

Panic contorts his face. “You…you! Hey, I’m really sorry about yesterday! I swear, I wasn’t trying to–”

“Shut up!” I bark, kneeling down next to him. Desperation crushes my chest, making it harder for me to breathe; desperation for this nightmare to be over, for things to return to normal. I’m going to get what I need from him, but I can’t help feeling a little guilty. He’s obviously terrified, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead and eyes wide. I shove the guilt down. I have to end this, and I can’t let myself feel anything about it. As long as no one gets hurt.

“Look, I’ve still got most of your cash,” the priest rambles. “I’ll give it back if you just let me go, ok? We don’t need to make this a whole thing. I really wasn’t–”

“We do not need the money,” Annoth interjects. “We require you to complete the ritual. To separate us.” Benjamin looks up at her and his mouth falls open as he takes her in. Her eyes have now gone wholly black, with no white and no pupil or iris, and there’s dark veins creeping up her neck and face. She looks like something out of a horror movie, with her fangs and claws bared near his throat.

“You’re the demon…” he whispers. “You’re the…the entity I saw. Dios mío, I thought I was finally going crazy…” Something different comes over him, like he’s actually less afraid now, and he turns his eyes to me. “She’s possessing you…and you need me to finish the exorcism.”

I nod, unwilling to explain further while we’re still on a public street. “So, you’re going to come back with us and finish it. Alright? You’re not going to make a scene, or else I’ll go straight to the cops and give them your name, email, license plate number, everything. I’ll tell them that you robbed me, and that I suspect you’re scamming other people too.”

He actually laughs in response. “Oh, I see. You think half the cops in this city don’t already know me, huh? Alright, here, I’ll come quietly if you just call off your…attack dog, and let me grab my bag.”

Annoth hisses again, but releases her grip on his neck. There’s a few red marks, but no apparent damage. He stands up and brushes himself off, then gives me a thousand-watt smile that, unfortunately, makes my stomach squirm. Where the fuck did this man come from, and how is he a priest? He’s wearing dark jeans and a faded Green Day t-shirt under the leather jacket, there’s a little silver hoop in one of his ears, and…he’s definitely checking Annoth out.

I do not want to take this man home. He seems like trouble, and I already have more than enough of that.

12

Annoth

Theodore’s discomfort quickly becomes apparent through our connection, but I cannot tell if it is related more to my aggressive tactics, or the fact that he is attracted to the young priest, who is rummaging in his vehicle. He pulls out the large bag he had in the apartment the day before, then locks the door and looks at us.

Theodore folds his arms and nods toward me. “That’s Annoth,” he says stiffly. “I’m Theo.”

Benjamin just grins and sticks his hand out, but Theodore does not shake it. “You can call me Ben. I’d say it’s a pleasure…but…”

“Walk, priest,” I snap, pointing down the street.

“So, the thing about that–” he starts to say, but I cut him off.

“We shall discuss this in private.”

He glances at Theodore, who nods and starts walking. I will have to watch him closely to ensure he does not lose his nerve and allow our captive to go free simply because of his own guilty conscience.

“Ok, I know you’re new to this…plane of existence,” Theodore says to me quietly, “but this is illegal. It’s kidnapping.”

“You think I give a damn about your pathetic human laws?” I snarl. “My job is to punish sinners, and forcing him to finish the job for which he was paid is hardly a punishment. I believe you humans might even call it justice.”

“Ok, just…don’t hurt him, alright? Because then it’s kidnapping and assault.”

Benjamin turns to walk backwards in front of us and asks, “What are you, a lawyer?”

“No,” Theodore mutters, “it’s just common knowledge.”

“This is literally insane,” Benjamin laughs, then he turns around again. Theodore leads us on a more circuitous route back to the apartment, most likely trying to avoid running into his female friend with the brightly colored hair. When we are all inside with the door locked, the useless priest flops down onto the couch as if he is a guest.

“Did your cleaning lady get possessed too?” he asks, still grinning. Theodore removes his jacket and scarf, while I simply wave my hand to make my outer layer vanish, then go and stand beside Father Benjamin, arms crossed.

“You will complete the ritual now,” I tell him. He tilts his head back and looks at me with a strange expression–curiosity mixed with hunger. Fiery rage spreads through my body and I clench my fists.

“Yeah,” he says with a yawn, “I tried to tell you two before, but…I’m not a real priest. Not anymore, anyway.”

Theodore groans, dropping his head into his hands.

“What do you mean, you are not a real priest?” I snarl.

“I was, but they kicked me out.” Benjamin shrugs, looking unconcerned.

“So you can’t…perform an exorcism?” Theodore asks.

“Even if I was still ordained, I don’t even know the whole rite. It has to be performed correctly, and by someone of ‘great faith’. In other words, not me.”

I cannot help but let out a low, savage scream and allow the black claws to reappear at the tips of my fingers.

“You filthy liar!”

“I tried to tell you!”

Theodore takes a step between us. “Ok, just settle down. Do you know anyone who would do it without the permission of a bishop or family, and without all the mental health tests? Under the table, I guess…”

“Not here,” Benjamin says. “I could try to make some calls, but…I’m not exactly in good standing with the church anymore. Not really in a place to ask for favors, especially ones that break rules.”

“Fuck!” Theodore snaps. I begin pacing the floor beside the window, Benjamin’s dark eyes following me closely.

“So…you’re a real demon?” he asks. “What’s Hell like? I’ve been told that’s where I’ll end up. It would be nice to get a sense of the place.” He is smirking, as if it is all a joke, and the rage in my chest burns even hotter.

“Your human mind cannot comprehend the horrors that await you, Father,” I say softly, flashing my pointed teeth.

He is, apparently, still unfazed, and shifts his gaze to Theodore. “So…what now? Can I go?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Am I allowed to ask questions about your…situation?”

“I guess so.”

“She seems to want an exorcism as badly as you do. What’s the deal? I thought demons wanted to stay inside their host as long as possible.”

“This ‘host’ is weak and cowardly,” I say, waving my hand at Theodore. “I cannot take hold of him, nor bend him to my will.”

He glares at me across the room. “I’m just…dealing with some shit, and I guess that makes it harder for her to take over my soul, or whatever. She wants out so she can go find another victim, and I want her out…for obvious reasons.”

“And you can’t just leave on your own?” Benjamin asks me.

“Not unless I have completed my mission, or if I am recalled by my masters in the Seventh Tower.”

“Ok, well…skipping right over what the fuck that is, what would make your mission complete? What do you have to do?”

“I must corrupt his soul so completely that it will never wash clean, by controlling his mind and body to make him commit the most heinous of sins.”

Benjamin actually laughs, but then his face grows serious when he looks at me. “Oh…for real? I mean…that all sounds super dramatic.”

“That’s just how she talks,” Theodore says, rolling his eyes. Benjamin grins, then sits up and claps his hands together.

“Ok, listen. I know this sounds completely insane, but…I want to help you,” he says to Theodore. “I’ll be honest, I’m interested. Even when I was clergy, I guess this was part of it that I just…didn’t really believe in. So, I’m willing to make the two of you a deal.”

“You are in no position to make bargains, Father!” I hiss, sweeping my clawed hand toward him. He gulps, but does not otherwise react.

“What deal?” Theodore asks.

“I’ll make those calls and try to get someone out here who could do your exorcism…under the table. But, until then, you let me crash here. I’ll give you back what’s left of the money I took too, as a sign of good faith.” He pulls a wad of human money from his pocket and holds it out.

“You want to stay here? In my apartment?”

“Well, it beats sleeping in my car. Besides, I think I might have some skills that could…help the two of you come to an understanding. You know, in case you’re stuck this way longer than you’d like to be.”

Theodore takes the money and counts it, then asks, “What skills?”

“Marital counseling,” Benjamin says, flashing his smile again. It is rather charming, I will admit, and it appears to be working on Theodore.

“Marital counseling?” he says incredulously. “You want to give me and my…demon…marital counseling?”

“What is this?” I ask, annoyed.

Theodore sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s…something married couples do when they’re having problems in their relationship. They talk to someone about their feelings and their issues, like a doctor…or a priest.”

“I did some training for it,” says Benjamin. “Obviously, you don’t have to, but…I’m sensing a lot of tension here.” He waves between Theodore and I.

I am exhausted by this now, and turn to Theodore. “I have a better idea. You must kill him. I will assist you in dismembering and disposing of the body.”

“What?!”

“If you kill him, then my mission will be complete, and I shall be able to return home!”

“And what about me?” Theodore cries. “What about him?” He motions to Benjamin, who is watching us both warily.

“Yeah, I vote for not murdering me, please,” he says.

“Ugh!” I bark, throwing my hands up. “You are both pathetic!” I stalk down the hall, and Theodore’s feline companions race past me, hissing and spitting. I stop before I reach the bedroom, then linger in the shadows to see what the two men discuss when they believe I am out of earshot.

“Ok, listen,” Theodore says, watching the cats closely as they twine themselves around Benjamin’s legs. “We’re going to have to set some ground rules here.”

Benjamin scratches the cats behind their ears and nods. “Sure.”

“I have an air mattress and a spare room, but Annoth is going to keep an eye on you at night. She doesn’t sleep, so she’ll be out here on the couch.”

“Doing what?”

“She, uhh…she likes watching movies.”

Another barking laugh from Benjamin. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, don’t ask,” Theodore tells him. “So, she’s going to monitor you while I’m asleep. You’re going to make phone calls, send emails, texts, smoke signals, whatever you have to do to try and find us a real exorcist, and you’re going to show me receipts, ok? In the meantime…I guess we could do some counseling or whatever…”

I grind my teeth together and try to consider my best course of action. I do not trust Father Benjamin. Not that I trust Theodore either, but he at least seems to be more predictable, whereas the false priest clearly has all the hallmarks of a sinner just waiting to take advantage of anyone he can. Normally, I might rejoice and recruit him to assist me with corrupting Theodore, but my host does not seem to trust him any more than I do. No, Father Benjamin will not be able to help me, and if he does not hold up his end of the bargain, I could be trapped this way for a very long time. I will not suffer that fate, so I must continue to play their game. I emerge from the hallway and try to maintain a calm demeanor.

“I do not think it is a good idea to place your trust in him,” I tell Theodore. “But, it seems we have no choice. If he does not fulfill his obligations, however, I shall take my pleasure tearing his entrails from his body and stuffing them back down his throat. I will also not be speaking to him about any…feelings.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense, since you don’t feel anything other than perpetual bitchiness,” Theodore retorts.

“Perhaps if you were not such a craven little worm, Theo, darling, I would feel less inclined to–”

“Ok!” says Benjamin, standing up suddenly. “I think that’s enough for now. Everyone just…take a breather.” I roll my eyes and retreat to the bedroom, thoroughly fed up with these soft, cowardly humans and their emotional nonsense.

13

Theo

Once Annoth is gone, I sink into a chair at the kitchen counter, trying to wrap my head around how my life got this fucked up this quickly, and Ben approaches me slowly.

“So,” he says, and I lift my head from my hands, “you wanna…catch me up to speed?”

“On…what, exactly?” I try not to let myself stare too long at the cut of his jawline, or the deep brown color of his eyes, or the way his lips are perfectly bowed. Technically, he’s not a priest, says the voice at the back of my mind, which may or may not be Annoth trying to convince me to sin.

“All this,” he says, waving his hand around at my disaster of an apartment: empty picture frames, containers of Thai food littering the coffee table, a few dead plants by the window, the layer of dust. At least I managed to do laundry this morning.

All I can do is sigh. “I’ve been in a bad spot for a couple months, and she says that’s what made me vulnerable to…possession. She couldn’t find an ‘emotional foothold’ though, and she got pissed about it, so she tried to bring you in. That obviously didn’t work–”

“Wait, she’s the one who found me?”

“Yeah. She got on my phone while I was asleep and looked you up somehow. What platform do you normally use to scam little old Catholic ladies anyway? Craigslist is a bit old-fashioned.”

Ben frowns. “Look, I’m not here to be judged by a man who doesn’t even use a bag in his trash can.”

I can’t help but laugh. “I told you: rough spot for a few months.”

“Fair enough. What happened to get you into that spot?”

“What are you, a shrink?” I ask, echoing his taunt from earlier.

“Well, Theo,” he says slowly. God, I hate how good my name sounds coming out of his mouth. “You’ve got me trapped in your health hazard apartment with an incredibly unstable but sexy demon lady and a couple of cats, so I think, maybe, I have a right to know what I’ve been thrown into here.” His smile is softer now, but no less dazzling. Fuck, what have I gotten myself into?

“Ok,” I relent. “About two months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. It wasn’t bad. It was…a mutual thing, but we’ve been together since junior year of college, and I was saving up money for a ring, so it hurt. I was doing fine, but then a week after she left, I also got laid off, and…just hit a downward spiral since then.”

Ben runs a hand over his stubbled chin.

“Alright, well, thanks for being honest with me. I’ll do what I can to help. Now, I hate to ask this, but…could I…use your shower?” He pretends to sniff his own shirt. “Been sleeping in my car for a couple weeks.”

“As much as I’d love to hear the story of why my new roommate, the con-man ex-priest, has been sleeping in his car, I think I’ll enjoy it more once you’re not stinking up my apartment,” I say with a wry smile, trying to show him that I do, in fact, have a sense of humor hidden under all this stress and angst.

He grins. “Unfortunately, your apartment smells worse than my car.”

I show him the bathroom and he grabs some clothes and toiletries out of his duffel bag. Once I hear the water running, I search the bag myself to make sure he doesn’t have anything I need to be concerned about. There’s nothing in here except some wrinkled clothes, his clerical collar, a worn-out, dog-eared Bible, a rosary, a wallet, a flask full of what smells like tequila, and a few other random items. No weapons, thank God, so I take the nearly-expired driver’s license out of his wallet. He’s two years older than me and his full name is Mateo Benjamin Cardenas de la Cruz. I pull out my laptop and sit at the counter, then type his full name into the state’s criminal record database. Petty theft, possession of alcohol, and trespassing when he was seventeen and eighteen. He did community service for it. Next, I put his name into the Sex Offender Registry. Nothing. So far, so good.

“What are you doing, Theodore?” says a smooth voice behind me. I nearly jump out of my skin and turn to see Annoth standing incredibly close, looking over my shoulder. I didn’t even hear her come out of the bedroom.

“Jesus fucking Christ, don’t do that!”

“Might we dispense with that particular curse?” she says, going to sit on the couch.

“Can you dispense with calling me Theodore?” I grumble as I get up to put Ben’s ID back in his bag. “My mom doesn’t even call me that.”

“Very well, Theo. I would like to watch more films now.”

“What’s the magic word?” I say with a smirk. She simply stares at me, then picks up the remote and turns the TV on.

“There is no magical incantation required,” she says with a straight face. I think I might pull my hair out. If I have to live with someone who has absolutely no sense of humor, I’ll go nuts. At least Ben seems funny…not to mention insanely hot. Stop it right now, I tell myself.

“What are you gonna watch?” I ask Annoth.

“I should like to watch more Star Wars.”

“Ah, no, come on!” says Ben, who’s now standing in the hall, wearing only a towel that’s wrapped very low around his hips and drying his hair with the Green Day t-shirt he had on earlier. “Let’s watch something good, at least! Have you shown her The Exorcist?” He chuckles at his own joke, and it’s all I can do to keep my eyes on his face rather than letting them roam lower.

“She watched some Star Wars, some Friends, and a couple Disney movies,” I tell him. “And hey, what’s your problem with Star Wars?”

He shrugs. “Eh, just not my thing, I guess. I only ever watched half of the first one. Or is it the fourth? The 70s one.”

“You’ve…you’ve never seen Star Wars?” I think my eyes might have bugged out of my head. Ben runs the t-shirt over his face and I let myself look for a moment. He’s thick and muscular everywhere, like a rugby player, with dark curly hair covering his chest and stomach and a happy trail running beneath the towel. Around his neck is a silver chain with a pendant that looks like some kind of Saint, but I can’t identify it from here. I move my eyes back up and…oh, fuck. His face splits into a sly grin.

“Maybe she should watch Brokeback Mountain,” he suggests. I think I might melt into a puddle on the floor.

“What is that film about?” Annoth asks curiously, looking over at me. “Theo, your face is quite red. Are you having another panic attack?”

“I’m fine!” I snap, and stand up to look around for something else I could use as a trash bag.

“Father Benjamin, perhaps you could suggest a good film, since Theo is not feeling well.”

Ben cringes. “Ok, I’m setting another ground rule for this little shitshow. Can you, for the love of God, not call me ‘Father Benjamin’?”

“I shall call you Ben because it is easier to say, and not for the reason you have requested,” Annoth says, then continues scrolling through movies.

“Great,” Ben quips. “Lemme get dressed and I’ll find you something good to watch, Annie.”

She turns to stare at him, her mouth set in a furious line and her black eyes blazing with fury. “Do not ever call me that,” she hisses, and he holds his hands up, laughing.

“Lord, everyone’s so touchy.” He goes to the office to change. When he comes back out, he’s wearing jeans and another black band t-shirt, this one featuring several holes and bleach stains which may or may not be intentional.

I raise an eyebrow. “Fall Out Boy? What is it, 2009?”

“Gimme your phone and let’s see who has better taste in music, then, vaquero,” Ben taunts. “I bet yours is all hillbilly bullshit.”

I’m silent and his grin widens.

“Called it.” He walks past me to the fridge and opens it. “What the fuck? What’ve you been eating for two months?”

“Pizza,” Annoth and I say at the same time. She laughs and keeps scrolling.

“Hey, I had Thai the other night!” I say loudly.

“I know what both of you need,” says Ben, throwing himself onto the couch beside Annoth, who gives him some side-eye that could burn a hole straight through anyone with a bit more shame. He holds his hand out for the remote, and she reluctantly passes it over.

“Nothing that’s gonna give her ideas, please,” I tell him, then open my phone to see what food we could get delivered. More texts and calls from my family and Mak. Still nothing from Ros.

“Now, this is a cinematic masterpiece of the highest order,” Ben tells Annoth, and I look up just in time to see him select Guardians of the Galaxy.

“How can you like that and not Star Wars?” I demand to know.

“Because Star Wars takes itself too fucking seriously!” Ben groans. “It’s sci-fi! It’s not that deep!”

“Oh, come on! What about the–”

“Be silent, both of you!” Annoth growls, tucking her knees under her chin, eyes fixed on the screen. Ben starts the movie for her, then comes over to where I’m scrolling through delivery options in the kitchen.

“Pizza, Thai, or Chinese are the only options tonight,” I say, showing him my phone screen.

“Got enough unread messages and missed calls?” he remarks.

I sigh. “My family and friends have been…worried about me. I’ve been trying to keep up, but…it’s just hard, when you’re not in the right space for it. My mom is a bit overbearing, Dad doesn’t understand mental health. My friends are great, but…”

Something shifts in Ben’s face, then immediately vanishes.

“I could help you out with that while I’m here anyway, if you want,” he offers. He’s standing so close that his scent fills my nose–classic Old Spice, I think. It makes me a little lightheaded, and not in a bad way.

“Uh…with texting people? Is that one of your many services?”

His voice becomes even more gentle as he says, “It’s just something I’ve got experience with, and I know how hard this shit can be.” The offer seems earnest, and I can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, I might take you up on that. Now, dinner?”

“Moving a little fast there, aren’t you?” Ben says with a wink. “You’re supposed to buy a guy dinner before you and your demon girlfriend kidnap and blackmail him.”

My body burns and I laugh softly. “Entirely in the wrong order, I know.”

“Be silent!” Annoth hisses at us. She’s pulled one of my random couch blankets around her now and is very intent on the movie. Ben and I order dinner in whispers, then he moves back over to the couch and sits beside Annoth, who doesn’t acknowledge him.

I want to relax, but I can’t. Instead, I sit there at the counter, anxiously drumming my fingers and thinking. I just need to lay low until Ben can find us someone else for an exorcism. A few days, maybe? A week? I have no idea how long it could take. Should I be texting my family and letting them know I’m alright when I’m really not? I don’t want my mom showing up here randomly, or Molly.

And then there’s the thing Mak said about Ros, that she’s apparently now working at the high school back in our hometown. I haven’t had a chance to really think about it, but now I can’t help myself and it just makes me feel worse. That’s what she always wanted: to move back, to have a nice, slow, quiet life out there. Go to church with her family, have Sunday dinners and barbecues, raise kids in the same house where she grew up, send them to the same schools we went to. She can have that now, and I can have…this. Whatever this is. I should be happy for her. I’m going to do my best to be happy for her, despite the gaping hole in my chest.

14

Annoth

Theo and Ben have selected pizza for dinner, covered in some type of spicy vegetable that they call peppers. I devour several slices while we watch The Guardians of the Galaxy. When the green-skinned woman dances with the annoying human man, the strange stirring sensation returns to my chest. I try to ignore it, but it is quite distracting.

“I should like to watch something with more…violence,” I tell Ben when the film ends.

He just laughs, but Theo shakes his head.

“I told you, nothing that’s gonna give her ideas,” he says, but he is smiling and appears slightly more relaxed than he has since I arrived.

“Ok, how about…something more on the fantasy side,” Ben muses. “Oh, I know! You’ll like this one.” He scrolls through movies and selects one with a creature that I think is called a dragon.

“Reign of Fire?” says Theo. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen that.”

“You can’t breathe fire, can you, Annie?” Ben asks. “I mean, Annoth. Sorry.” I glare at him, but my flesh-and-blood heart skips again when he grins back at me. For a human man, I suppose he is handsome, and he does not seem to be afraid of me anymore, which I find intriguing given his abject terror when I revealed my shadow form the day before.

I try smiling back. “Fortunately for you, I cannot.” From the corner of my eye, I see Theo’s face twist with disgust. Ben and I being friendly toward one another appears to bother him. I consider, for a moment, that I could use this to force another emotional reaction from him, but then I remember my promise: that I would not attempt to take control of him again, as long as he worked to find an exorcist. He is upholding his end of the bargain, and I will admit that what he did this morning, walking toward that bus, left me shaken. I had imagined that he was far too cowardly to follow through with his threats of self-harm, and I could not gain control of him in time to pull him back. If his friend had not been there, Theo and I both might have perished.

On the other hand, this particular tactic might prove far more subtle and effective than anything I have tried previously. If I can thread the needle between enjoying Ben’s attention and upsetting Theo, my mission could still be a success. This disgraced priest might just be the perfect way for me to break my host down slowly, a little at a time. Perhaps, if I can use Ben to reach my goal, I may even get to have a little fun of my own. I have been told that it is often far more pleasurable to toy with human victims before snuffing out their life, and I can think of a number of things I would like to do to this particular human prior to killing him.

Only an hour into the film, my plan is already beginning to work. Ben’s arm is stretched behind me on the back of the couch, and our bodies are very close to touching. I can feel Theo’s suspicion and displeasure through the tenuous connection we share. Unfortunately, it is still masked by the overarching emptiness dulling everything he feels, and it is not enough for me to find a foothold, but I am a patient creature. On the television screen, a dragon sets a human aflame, and I turn to look at Ben with a wide grin.

“This was an excellent selection,” I purr. Human males are so transparent. I can practically see him salivating, and all I did was lower my vocal tone slightly. It is a wonder that this technique did not work on Theo, who is quietly seething across the room.

When the film ends, he quickly stands up and snaps, “Bedtime.”

“Goodnight, then,” Ben says.

“No, you too.”

“Ok, abuelita.”

“My apartment, my rules. I don’t trust her alone with you.”

“I’m a big boy,” Ben replies, winking at me, “I can fend for myself, I promise.”

Theodore groans. “She’s literally a demon! Come on!” Ben sighs and looks back at me. I try to appear slightly hurt.

“Will you at least choose another film for me, then?” I ask him. Theo grits his teeth, and it is all I can do not to laugh.

“Yeah, alright,” Ben says. “What would you like?”

“You may pick,” I say sweetly, eliciting a smile from him.

“Well, I guess since you don’t sleep, you can’t go wrong with starting the rest of the MCU.” He scrolls through the films and selects one, apparently about a man made of iron, then asks Theo, “You don’t happen to have a printer, do you?”

“What for?”

“I was just gonna give her a list so she can watch them in the right order.” Theo huffs and motions for Ben to follow him. They retreat down the hall, and I crawl to the end of the couch so I can eavesdrop again.

“So, are you a professional cock block or is this just a hobby for you?” Ben asks, his voice thick with amusement.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Theo snarls back.

Ben just chuckles. “I’ve been told I have a very disarming personality. Forgive me if I use it to disarm the fucking demon that’s possessing your body.”

There is a long pause before Theo responds, “You’re playing her?”

“Yes,” Ben hisses. “Do you think I’m that stupid? I figure if I can split her attention, distract her, it’ll buy us some time, and maybe we can even figure out a way to get rid of her without the exorcism.”

“Ok, well…just…don’t fall for your own con, please. I don’t need that.”

“Yes, sir,” Ben laughs. A minute later I hear some very strange noises from the office and then he emerges holding a piece of paper.

“Start with Iron Man and work your way down the list,” he tells me, setting it on the coffee table and bending over to point to the film names. I lean forward so our faces are only a few inches apart. His breath hitches, so I press my arms into my chest, giving him a good, long look down the front of my t-shirt. He must have been lying to Theo about his true intentions with me. Sin is my job, and I know true lust when I see it. At least one part of this plan will be easier than I first imagined.

“This is perfect, thank you,” I say softly, turning my face up. He hovers there for a moment, his eyes darting down to my lips and back up.

“Fuck…you’re good,” he murmurs. I move even closer, letting him feel the heat of my breath on his mouth. For good measure, I let a few tendrils of shadow out too and twine them around his throat, then watch as his pupils grow wide. What others might mistake for fear, I know to be desire.

“You seem like an intelligent man, Ben,” I whisper. “A man who knows how to strike a good bargain. I can see that you want me, and you are not weighed down by so much ridiculous human morality, are you?”

“That’s open for debate,” he replies. “Are we talking about murder or breaking the speed limit?”

“Help me with Theo,” I whisper, “and I promise I will make it well worth your while once I get control of him.”

Ben lets out a soft, breathy laugh. “Why would I trust you? What’s the promise of a demon worth? We’re just your little toys. What motivation is there for you to follow through after it’s done, hmm?”

“Pleasure,” I say softly, adding the edge of a moan to my voice. “I have never tasted a human man before, Ben. Never had one…inside me, and I have waited centuries for the chance. If you behave, I may even let you call me Annie while you fuck me.” I swear, his soul is about to leave his body as I tighten my shadows around his neck.

“That’s a hell of a deal,” he mutters, “but I don’t think either of us really want Theo involved in this, do we? That pesky moral compass of his just complicates everything. So, I’ll make you a deal, Annie, mi amor. Help me figure out a way to separate the two of you, get him on his feet, and out of the way, then you can have me instead. Body and soul, no resistance, no fuss. I’ll come quietly.”

I pull my shadows back and examine his face. A human offering themself to a demon is not unheard of, but Ben does not seem like the type. He could have some ulterior motive I cannot see yet. Then again, if I return to the Seventh Tower unsuccessful, I may not be given another opportunity at this. Helping Theo hardly seems like an appropriate use of my skills, but I win either way: if his emotional state improves, I may still be able to take him, particularly if I can continue playing this little game with Ben; if he does not, then I shall be free of him soon enough, and Ben will be mine instead.

“You have a deal, Father,” I say with a smile, “although you do not strike me as the type who comes quietly.” Before he can reply, I place a hand on his chest, lean in, and kiss him.

It feels like burning, or falling. It is wrong, but not wrong enough for me to stop. He reaches around and grips the back of my neck, hard, so I tighten my shadows around his neck. That does not deter him. In fact, he kisses me harder, digging his teeth into my bottom lip until I experience a twinge of physical pain. When he releases me, he gives me a grin which is somehow both devious and sweet.

“Let me know when you want more,” he says. “Oh, and unless you want Theo finding out about this little deal of ours, you’re gonna let me call you Annie whenever I want. Alright?”

He walks away, and I am left alone on the couch, one hand on my lips and the other still holding the television remote. The vaguely-human heart in my chest leaps and glimmers like a spark freed from the flames as I wonder if I have met my match. Once he is gone, however, frustration surges through me. I must continue to bide my time and feign cooperation and this is not what I was built for. I was created to torment the souls of the damned, not to try and outwit these foolish, sentimental human men.

Closing my eyes, I allow myself a brief moment to relive the kiss. As much as I hate to admit it, Ben was right–I do want more from him. Only, I am not certain exactly what it is I want. Demons are not immune to experiencing lust. Were I back home in the Seventh Tower, getting what I need from one of my own kind would be all too simple. But this is a different sensation altogether. The burning inside me now is less of a raging inferno at my core and more of a glowing ember, sitting just behind my breastbone–soft, aching, and insistent that I be near him again.

After waiting as long as I can stand it, I slip off the couch and move silently down the hall. The door to the office is closed, so I dissolve my body into shadow and slip beneath it. Ben is asleep on an inflatable mattress, shirtless, his lips slightly parted and arms thrown above his head, moonlight illuminating the hard, muscular lines of his body. Theo did tell me to keep an eye on him. Battling the urge to brush my fingers over his exposed skin, I crouch beside the bed and use a shadow tendril to examine the small silver medallion around his neck. On the front is a bearded man holding a shepherd’s crook, identified by the text above his head as Saint Jude. The inscription on the back reads ‘Patron Saint of Lost Causes, Pray for Us’. Either someone’s idea of a joke, or Ben truly believes himself to be a lost cause.

My mind cannot help but run through the litany of awful things I could do to him right now. I could take out my frustration and my desire on his vulnerable human body. I could punish him for awakening something inside me that I do not understand and do not want. I could do all of these things. That is what I was made for. That is the very core of my nature. I hold back, however, and tell myself it is because I need him alive and intact to complete my mission. But in truth, it is because I desperately want another kiss.

15

Theo

When I wake up the next day, I smell bacon cooking and am immediately confused, not to mention concerned. I pull a hoodie on and stumble out of my room to find Ben in the kitchen, blasting All-American Rejects from a Bluetooth speaker. Annoth is on the floor in front of the TV, enmeshed in a nest of blankets and pillows, still fixated on a Marvel movie.

“Where did you get bacon?” I ask Ben warily. He has on a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out, exposing his muscled arms and the sides of his torso.

“You know, in this modern world there are apps that let you order groceries for delivery,” he says, turning his music down and smirking. “How did you survive 2020?”

“Ros and I stayed at my parents’ house for a few months,” I admit sheepishly. “We were both working remotely and my nieces and nephews were there, so we all just pitched in with different stuff. I wasn’t in charge of groceries.”

“Ah,” says Ben, “well, I’m afraid I had to use your cash to pay for them, and I don’t know exactly what you like, but…I think I did fine.” He sets the tongs down and opens my fridge, which looks much better than it did the night before, if not completely full.

I smile, feeling slightly touched. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Well, it’s all part of my master plan,” he says as he pours a cup of coffee.

“Tell me about this master plan,” I laugh, planting myself in a chair at the counter. He sets the coffee mug in front of me and grabs a bottle of creamer from the fridge.

“Annie, mi amor, come over here,” he calls, and I can’t help but make a face. Ben is definitely friendly and outgoing, but…giving her cutesy nicknames? It turns my stomach a little. He clearly doesn’t understand what she’s capable of. However, she looks just as irritated as me when she stands up and pauses her movie. She’s wearing a huge, white t-shirt that covers most of her body, except her legs, and her mane of auburn hair is tied in a messy bun on top of her head again. She looks like she actually slept, even though I know she didn’t. It’s terrifying how easy it becomes to forget what she is when she looks like that.

“I gave permission for you to shorten my name, Benjamin,” she snaps, “but only because you are apparently the only human in this city who might be able to find us an exorcist. I did not give permission for this other epithet you have used.”

“You’ll get over it, darling,” Ben says, beaming at her. She grumbles softly as she wraps a blanket around her shoulders and comes to sit beside me at the counter. Ben tosses the bacon slices onto a paper plate, drains the grease into a bowl, then takes out a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread.

“What sort of animal flesh is this?” Annoth asks, eyeing the bacon suspiciously.

“Pig,” I tell her. “You’ll probably like it because it’s the closest thing to devouring the burned flesh of sinful humans.” Throwing me a withering look, she takes a slice and pops it into her mouth. I get the sense that she’s trying to hide how much she enjoys it. Ben is cracking eggs into a mixing bowl, then he adds some salt and paprika. I have to distract myself from how excited I am to eat real food for the first time in two months, even if it is just scrambled eggs and toast.

“So, tell me this big master plan.”

“Well, I’m not an expert in demonology, unfortunately, but I have my theories,” Ben explains. “An exorcism is basically just…prayers and blessings, and holy water. Throwing a lot of ‘good stuff’ at the demon in order to drive it out, right?”

“Sure,” I say, stuffing bacon in my mouth.

“If we can’t do all the religious good stuff, what if you do a bunch of other good stuff?”

“Like what?”

“The opposite of sin, I guess. You know, feed the poor and rescue puppies and give candy to kids and shit like that. Good deeds.”

I consider his idea as I chew. “You really think doing all those things would make her just…go away?”

“I am sitting right here,” Annoth says curtly. “You needn’t speak of me as if I am absent. I ought to be part of this plan too, I think.”

“I mean, it can’t hurt, right?” Ben says with a shrug. “If nothing else, it’ll get you out of the house and back on your feet…hopefully.”

I let out a loud sigh, which feels a bit dramatic. Doing good deeds with Ben doesn’t sound any less exhausting than committing atrocities with Annoth. Besides, the whole reason she isn’t able to get a hold of me is because my emotions are so dulled. Should I even be trying to feel better when she’s still around? Then again, doing good deeds isn’t a cure for depression, and maybe it will be a good stopgap measure until Ben finds us a real priest.

“Alright,” I say finally. “I guess it’s worth a shot, but I still want you contacting people.”

Ben picks up his phone and shows me several texts he’s sent that morning already, all asking people to call him and saying that it’s important, or that he needs a favor (and promising it’s not money).

“I can’t guarantee any of them will reply,” he says as he stirs the eggs, “but I’m holding up my end of the deal.” His eyes flicker over to Annoth, who looks down at her bacon. I’m immediately suspicious, but everything else in my mind is being overridden by the fact that I’m almost drooling as I watch Ben cook, and not just because of what he’s making. I really need to get a grip on myself if he’s going to be staying here. This can’t be healthy or helpful.

I clear my throat and tear my eyes away from his biceps. “So, what’s our first order of business, then?”

“I figured we could start with a walk down to the park,” he suggests. “Appreciate the beauty of God’s creation, or whatever.”

Annoth snorts, “Must I participate in this charade?”

“Considering that you can’t be too far away from Theo, I think you will probably be forced to participate, yes,” Ben replies. She rolls her eyes and examines the scrambled eggs as he pushes them onto her plate.

“Hot sauce,” she says, pointing at the bottle on the counter. Ben passes it to her and watches, eyes wide, as she practically drowns the food with it.

“You know that’s the hottest one they have, right? You won’t even be able to taste the eggs.”

“She likes it because it reminds her of eating brimstone and still-beating human hearts,” I say. Ben laughs, and a pleasant shiver runs down my spine. His laugh is loud and ridiculous, but also warm and genuine. The thought of spending a day out and about with him, doing nice things, is far more appealing than it should be. That is, until I remember that Annoth will be there too, grumbling and scratching inside my head, probably encouraging me to commit felonies.

“Are you going to be cooperative while we try this plan?” I ask her.

“That depends, Theodore,” she growls, “are you going to stop being an insufferable–”

“Annie, mi amor,” Ben interrupts, “if you can be a good girl and leave Theo alone today, I promise I’ll make you the spiciest dinner you’ve ever had. You’ll be burping flames for a week.”

Slowly, her mouth turns up in a tiny smile. “Very well. I suppose I shall play along.”

Once we’re done eating, Annoth plants herself back in her blanket nest on the floor and Ben goes to the office to change his clothes. While he’s gone, I check my kitchen cabinets and the pantry. Not only did he buy groceries, he also got paper plates and bowls, trash bags, dish soap, and paper towels, plus a bunch of microwavable freezer meals. I feel slightly touched at the idea that he did all this without me asking him too, but there’s still a tiny kernel of suspicion in my chest.

He’s a complete stranger, who has no real motive to help me except that I’m literally blackmailing him. And then there’s the way he acts with Annoth. Either he doesn’t believe how dangerous she is and is actually flirting, or he meant it last night when he said he was trying to get her attention off me. He might be friendly, but he doesn’t strike me as naive, so I’m choosing to believe that he’s playing her. I guess I just have to pray that my ability to read people hasn’t completely vanished over the last few months.

After a few minutes, Ben comes out of the office wearing black jeans and a flannel shirt with the top three buttons open. I can’t help but watch as he rolls the long sleeves up over his forearms, one of which is sporting half a dozen colorful, beaded bracelets.

“First thing’s first,” he says to me, “you two are going to have a little counseling session before we go anywhere.”

Annoth groans loudly. “I told you, I will not do this.”

“Yeah, I’m really not sure how much it’s going to help,” I tell him.

“Just trust me,” he says quietly, then gives Annoth’s back a pointed look. I understand. He just wants her to talk as much as possible. Maybe he thinks she’s withholding information, or maybe he just wants to continue distracting her from her ‘mission’, but either way, it’s not actually about helping the two of us get along.

“Alright, fine,” I say begrudgingly, going to sit on the couch. Annoth pouts in her nest, arms folded and everything.

“I have no feelings to speak about!” she insists. “I was not created for this purpose!”

“Yeah, your default setting seems to be ‘full of violent rage’,” I huff as she flops down beside me and folds her legs up under her chin.

“I am a demon of the Seventh Tower, you idiot!”

“Ok! Let’s start there!” Ben says, dragging my armchair over so it’s across from the couch. He props his feet up on the coffee table and puts his arms behind his head, grinning as usual. Fuck, why do I want to crawl into his lap when he looks at me like that?

“Start where?” Annoth asks.

“Why don’t you explain to us what the Seventh Tower is?”

She sighs. “I have told you that the horrors of Hell cannot be–”

“Yes, yes, you said we can’t comprehend or whatever.” Ben interrupts her and I swear flames are about to shoot out of her eyes. “But, based on what you’ve told us, I’m gonna take a stab at it.”

“Take a stab at Theo too while you are at it, darling,” Annoth says in a sugary-sweet tone. She smiles at me and I try to keep my face neutral. Ben just continues grinning.

“Here’s what I think: seven deadly sins, so there’s seven towers. Each one contains souls of the damned that are specific to that sin. So, Annie here is angry and violent all the time, so she’s a demon of wrath, and the Seventh Tower is full of sinners being punished for sins related to wrath.”

Annoth silently folds her arms, and I can’t help but smirk. “Wow, he nailed you, didn’t he?”

“Not yet,” she retorts, exposing her fangs in a wicked smile.

“Wow, I can’t believe I was right about all that!” Ben crows. “Excellent! So, Annie, is it only wrath demons who get to possess people?”

“I will not be answering any more questions on this topic. It is Theo’s turn.”

Ben turns his attention to me. “Theo! What boring, generic, white-boy job did you do before you got fired?”

I can’t help but laugh. “I worked in marketing, if you must know.”

“Ay dios mío,” Ben groans, “I knew it. Did you have any personality other than your girlfriend and your bullshit job and Star Wars?”

I know he’s teasing, trying to get both of us to lighten up, but I suppose there’s a bit of truth to what he’s saying. Ros was everything to me.

“I guess…maybe I didn’t,” I say with a shrug.

“Alright, that’s enough for today,” Ben says, standing up and giving a big, fake yawn with a stretch that exposes the line of dark hair running under the top of his boxers. My face warms and I can feel Annoth’s black eyes watching me closely.

“That is all?” she asks.

“For today.”

“And now we will…go for a walk in the park?”

“That’s the plan.”

“May I go like this? In a human form?” She holds her arms out and looks down at her body, but I shake my head.

“No,” I say sternly. “You fucked with me the other day by appearing out of nowhere and it was a nightmare. You’re staying hidden this time.”

She pouts again. “I enjoy this body! It is not my responsibility to manage your relationships with–”

“Annie,” says Ben, with a hint of warning in his voice, “you promised you’d be a good girl.”

More ridiculous pouting. “In exchange for human food, which I do not actually need!”

“You promised,” Ben repeats, raising an eyebrow. She sighs and lets her arms droop at her sides. I would almost feel guilty if I didn’t know why she wants to be ‘out’ during our walk. She just wants to get a rise out of me, and I can’t risk that again.

She waits while I get dressed, then after Ben and I put our jackets on, her human body melts into shadows, which rush through my mouth and chest. It’s not necessarily an unpleasant feeling, just very off-putting. Especially since I can feel her inside me now, like an itch that won’t go away, or that gut feeling when something is wrong but you don’t know what it is.

“Woah, that’s insane,” Ben says, his eyes widening. “Can she still talk to you?”

“Oh, yeah, she never shuts up.”

Careful, Theodore, darling, Annoth purrs in my head.

“Alright,” says Ben. “Let’s get this freak show on the road then.”

16

Annoth

This park would be painted in blood if I had my way. Blood on the grass, blood dripping from the trees, blood filling the small lake where a pair of white swans glide. Those swans would be in pieces too, feathers and entrails scattered across the children’s play structure, which would echo with the tortured screams of the–

“I used to bring my nieces and nephews here a lot,” says Theo, interrupting my glorious, sanguine daydreams. Even though I despise the cold weather, being trapped inside his body this way is only feeding my rage.

“Used to?” Ben asks.

“Well…my sister lived here in the city, and I would watch the older ones for her sometimes, but then they moved so they could be a bit closer to my parents.”

“How many kids?”

“Five.”

“Way too many,” Ben chuckles. “Damn Catholics.”

“Do you have any?” Theo asks.

“Kids? Siblings? Nieces and nephews?”

“Any of the above?”

“No kids, as far as I’m aware,” Ben laughs. “Yes to the others. I’m the youngest of four, actually.”

“Damn Catholics,” Theo repeats. He is smiling at Ben, and I can feel many of the strange, human thoughts running through his head, not to mention other parts of his body. I can tell he wants this man, but he is holding himself back, and I do hope it is because of me. Let him suffer and pine as punishment for not giving into my demands.

“So, the youngest of four…” says Theo, “and judging by the Taylor Swift bracelets on your arm, at least one preteen niece?”

Ben grins and holds his wrist up. “Yeah, Graciela. I took her to one of the concerts with a few of her friends and they made me these.”

“Tabitha would’ve killed to go to one,” Theo says. “My oldest niece. Molly just couldn’t swing it.” The two of them fall silent for a short time as they walk, and I get the sense that Ben does not wish to speak about his family.

“When was the last time you talked to them?” he finally asks.

“Uhhh…it’s been a little while,” Theo admits. “I called Molly a few days ago, when Annoth showed up, cause I was freaked out. But I haven’t talked to anyone else for a bit.”

“Here,” Ben says, “let’s do this right now, while we’re out.” He motions to a park bench and they both sit, but then a flare of anxiety shoots through Theo’s body.

“Do what?”

“Text your family, and your friends. Let them know that you’re alright and that you’re working through things. I told you I’d help with it.”

“Oh, right…” Theo pulls his telephone out and holds it tightly, but does not turn it on.

Coward, I whisper in his mind, simply for my own amusement, and because I do not like how much attention he is giving Ben. You are afraid they have forgotten you, that they will not reply, that they no longer care for you.

Shut the fuck up, he retorts silently.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asks.

“I just…I think that’s been the hardest part,” Theo sighs. “I’m close to my family, and my friends. I rely on them. I’m not one of those guys that’s afraid to talk about my feelings or whatever. I just…didn’t know how to talk to them about this, and it got away from me. What if…what if I still can’t do it?”

“Who said you have to talk to them about your feelings?”

“I guess…no one, but that’s what they’ll be expecting.”

“You don’t always have to do what people expect, you know,” Ben says lightly. “Sometimes, you can just give yourself what you need, and everyone else can either fall in line or get fucked.” He rests his fingers gently on Theo’s hand, and a jolt of electricity runs through my host’s body as they both laugh.

I knew you wanted him, I sneer. Oh, poor Theo. Do you really think he might want you in return? Do you not see the way he looks at me? What could you possibly offer him that I cannot?

Shut up! Theo cries, and his hands start to tremble.

“Just do it,” he tells Ben, turning the telephone on and passing it over. Ben gives him a strange look, then taps the screen.

“Who’s up first?”

“Uh…that should probably be my mom.”

“Ok, I’m gonna write something and then have you check it over before I send it. Is that alright?” Ben’s voice is much gentler than it has been since we found him on the street the previous day. My own senses are somewhat limited when I am inhabiting another body, but I can see the way his eyes soften when he looks at Theo now, and a strange, aching pang runs through me. Theo seems to feel it too and puts a hand over his heart.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he mumbles. I watch as Ben quickly types out a message, then passes the phone back.

Theo reads it aloud. “‘Hey Mom, I know you’ve been worried about me the last few weeks, and I’m sorry I dropped off the face of the planet. Everything with Ros and work has just been really hard to deal with, but I’m getting through it. Thanks for being (sort of) patient with me’.” He laughs and nods. “Yeah, that’s perfect, except I’m supposed to see them on the 15th, for Tabitha’s soccer game.” Ben takes the phone, makes several adjustments to the message, then lets Theo send it off. They sit in silence for a few minutes, and I listen closely to the cadence of Theo’s heartbeat. It is quick, anxious, but also lighter somehow. Just as I am about to speak again, his telephone begins to ring. It appears to be his mother calling.

Annoth, could you…get out of my head please? I’d like some privacy, comes his tense voice. I do not reply, but simply pull myself out of him and appear sitting on the bench beside Ben. We are concealed by a small glade of trees, so no one nearby seems to have noticed my manifestation. Theo stands and walks away, then hesitates for a moment before answering the call.

“Why are you doing these things for him?” I ask Ben.

His reply is soft, but firm. “Because he’s a good person, and he doesn’t deserve this.”

“Does not deserve what?”

“Any of it.” Ben glances at me and I think he is sad, but I cannot understand why. “Nothing I can do about the girlfriend or the job, but…he doesn’t need to lose anyone else in his life, and he certainly doesn’t deserve your bullshit.”

“And what benefit is there for you, helping a complete stranger this way? He threatened to turn you in to the authorities, but you have done far more than what was required by your deal. You purchased food and helped him contact loved ones and let him speak about his feelings with you.”

Ben gives me a strange look. “I dunno what they taught you about humans…down there, but we aren’t all bad all the time, you know. Besides, I’m getting a place to stay and, if everything goes according to plan, I’ll get you too.”

“You want to be my host?” I ask, startled by his response.

“Not particularly, but I do want to help Theo and…I’ve got nothing to lose at this point. You and I deserve each other anyway. A sinner and a demon.” I recognized Ben’s lust the night before, and now I see even more familiar feelings pass across his face: guilt, regret, pain.

“I am your atonement,” I say softly. “What sins have you committed, Father?”

“I don’t really think you’re qualified to be my confessor,” Ben replies with a dark laugh, “but, we can start with greed…lust…wrath. I’ve lied and cheated and stolen. Hurt people I cared about.”

“I was under the impression that these are standard human behaviors.”

“Ah, so they did tell you that we’re all bad.”

“Yes…they did.”

“Well, it’s a little true,” Ben sighs, “but there’s good people too–more than you think there are. Little bits of light, like stars in a dark sky.”

“And Theo is one of them?”

“I think so, and I’m not gonna let one of those lights go out. So, if you’ve got something to take out, take it out on me. Alright? Not him.” He looks down and adjusts the bracelets on his wrist.

“Is this why you wear the Patron Saint of Lost Causes?” I ask, reaching up to touch his chest. “Because that is how you see yourself?”

He wraps his fingers around mine and gently pulls them away. “You saw my Saint Jude?”

“I came to your room last night,” I say casually. His expression is a mixture of amusement and alarm. Perhaps it is not appropriate to confess that I watched him sleep, but I am capable of feeling shame.

“To do what, exactly?”

“I was curious. I do not sleep and do not understand the…mechanics.”

“Oh, sure,” Ben drawls, his arrogant smirk returning as he straightens up. “I think maybe you were looking for something.”

“You have not answered my question about Saint Jude.”

“If you wanted another kiss, you could’ve just woken me up, mi amor.”

I fight back a smile of my own. “Your kiss was hardly enough to leave me wanting more, Benjamin.” He angles his body toward me, reaching an arm around my shoulders and resting it on the back of the bench.

“Is that a challenge, Annie?”

“Perhaps it is,” I reply, turning toward him. A fierce burning sensation grips my chest, then rapidly spreads to my limbs and core as his dark eyes search my face. He really is very handsome…for a human.

“Well, that was–” Theo’s voice breaks between us, and I move away from Ben. He clears his throat and looks at Theo, who is staring at us with a peculiar expression.

“It went well?” he asks, standing up and leaving me at the mercy of the cold air.

“As well as it could have,” Theo says. “At least I talked her down from driving over here and fussing.”

“Good! Good,” Ben says, running a hand through his hair. “Why don’t we walk a little more, and then we can try another one?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Theo replies with an anxious smile. He looks at me next. “Are you coming along, or are you going to sit there and pick out your next victim?”

I stand and saunter up to him, moving closer than necessary. His eyes are light to Ben’s dark ones, but they take in my face in much the same way: half fear and half intrigue.

“I already have one in mind,” I say softly, “so we can continue.” I begin to walk away and hear them muttering to each other behind me. Let Theo imagine what he wants, and let Ben lie to him. None of it will matter soon enough.

I quickly realize that I have no idea where I am walking, and must allow them to overtake me. If I did not know any better, I might say Theo would like to put me on a leash with how often he glances back to ensure I am still following. Ben glances too, but his looks are at least accompanied by brief smiles, which I return every time.

There are so many strange, new things in the park, I do not know where to look first. Dogs bark at me as they pass, and I battle the urge to hiss back, or slash their stupid noses with my claws. Children run by, nearly colliding with me, and I fight the same urge. Everything here is messy and chaotic in a way I am not accustomed to. This, combined with the bitter chill from the wind, puts me in a foul mood. Finally, we stop and Theo points across the street to where a large, colorful vehicle is parked.

He grins at me and asks, “Cold, Annie?”

“I have not given you permission to use the ridiculous nickname,” I sigh as he falls back to walk beside me. Ben has crossed the street and stands outside the colorful vehicle, speaking to a man through a window that opens up on the side.

“But you gave Ben permission,” Theo needles. “What else did you give him?”

I raise an eyebrow. “To what are you referring?”

“Do you think I’m blind?” he barks. “There’s something weird going on with you two, and I want to know what it is. Do you have him under some kind of spell?”

I cannot help but cackle in his face. “Do not be silly, Theodore. I am a demon, not a witch. The only spell I could cast on him is the magic of a pretty face and a nice pair of tits, which seems to work on you as well.”

To my satisfaction, he blushes a deep crimson.

“Just leave Ben alone,” he tells me quietly. “This whole thing is between you and me.”

“Oh, but you made it between the three of us when you agreed to let him help you!” I snarl back. “If you were not such a fucking coward, I could have simply tortured the information about the other priests from him, then you and I could have tracked them down ourselves.”

“I’m not hurting people, don’t you get that? I’m not gonna become the thing I’m trying to rid myself of!”

“Do you think that dear, sweet Benjamin will want you if you show him what a good little boy you are?” I mock. “If you show him how well you can follow the rules, like a puppy on a leash?”

Fury dances across Theo’s face, and he seizes my wrist, yanking it so we are standing close enough for our shoulders to brush. I send a surge of Hellfire rushing down my arm, beneath the skin, and he lets me go with a yelp.

“Do not ever touch me that way again, or I shall show you the pain that a demon of the Seventh Tower can inflict!” I desperately want to follow through on this threat, to twist my shadows around his neck and choke the air from his body until he understands exactly what I am capable of. But as I am considering the consequences of such violence, Ben returns carrying three white cups with lids.

He passes one to Theo, then holds the other out for me. “Annie, mi amor, you’re gonna love this.”

“I wish to go back to the apartment,” I snap, not taking it from him.

He glances between Theo and I. “What happened?”

“Lovers’ quarrel,” Theo says sarcastically.

“Ok, well…we can go.” Ben sounds slightly disappointed. Without thinking, I take the cup he is still holding and wrap my hands around it. The warmth spreads through my fingers and I let out an involuntary sigh, then bring it to my nose and sniff.

“What is this?”

“Hot chocolate,” Ben answers. “Now, it’s just food truck cocoa, so lower your expectations. Sometime, I’ll make you my abuelita’s recipe. You’ll die for it because it’s a bit spicy.”

“Will you be doing this before or after the exorcism?” Theo’s voice is full of venom and Ben drops his eyes.

“I just…meant it rhetorically,” he mumbles.

“Let’s go home,” Theo snaps, and turns to walk away. Ben and I silently shuffle after him, clutching our hot cocoa. After a few minutes, I taste it and think I might melt at the smooth, delicious flavor.

“You like it?” Ben laughs.

“Hmm?”

“You made a little noise just now, when you took a sip.”

“It is…satisfactory,” I say quietly, then take another gulp.

“He’s just scared, you know,” Ben tells me in a soft voice. “Humans…we get scared when we aren’t in control of things, especially our own futures and our own bodies.”

“I cannot control his body. I have tried.”

“Right, but the idea that you could, that’s what’s scary. He wants to feel better, but he’s afraid to because it might give you power over him. That’s not an easy place to be.”

“As if I care about his feelings,” I snort.

“Oh, I know you don’t,” Ben says with a small smile. “I’m just letting you know why he’s acting this way. You wanted to learn about human behavior, didn’t you?”

“I suppose so,” I reply, then take another sip of cocoa and relish the way it slides down the back of my throat.

Theo walks some distance ahead of us, and stops to speak to a man seated on one of the park benches. He is older, with a wild gray beard and bushy eyebrows sticking out from under his tattered winter hat. His clothes are dirty, patched, and there is a large backpack sitting beside him, also filthy and worn. At his feet lies a large, fluffy, reddish-brown dog, who raises its head when Theo approaches.

“What is he doing?” I ask Ben, who stops walking. “Who is that man?”

“That’s Mr. Monroe and Roger. He’s homeless, but he stays around this part of town most of the time.”

“Homeless?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t have a place to live.”

“Where does he sleep?”

“Wherever he can find a safe, warm spot. Park benches, alleyways. When I was a parish priest, I’d have him crash on the couch in the church basement on Saturday nights, then take him to breakfast before Mass.”

“Does Theo know him too?”

“I’m not sure. Come on.” He walks over to stand behind Theo, who is now crouched in front of Mr. Monroe, scratching Roger behind the ears.

“Hey, Monty,” Ben says, reaching a hand out. Mr. Monroe’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles, showing several missing teeth. He grabs Ben’s hand and shakes it with some enthusiasm.

“Father Ben!” he croaks. “Where the hell you been?”

“Not a Father anymore. They finally got rid of me.”

“I heard,” says Mr. Monroe, his bright blue eyes flickering over to me. “Sorry for ya, Ben, but I guess it was only a matter of time. You ain’t cut out for all that bullshit anyway.”

Ben just laughs. “Monty, do you know my new friend, Theo?”

“We just met,” says Theo, who is now fending off an affectionate attack from Roger. “I was telling him how much Roger reminds me of the dog I had when I was a kid.”

“And who is this beautiful angel?” Mr. Monroe asks, looking up at me. I cannot help but smile at his egregious misconception.

“This is my Annie,” Ben says, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. My instinct is to move away, but I cannot deny that I enjoy the way this feels. Ben is warm and solid, and the way he holds on to me sends another strange spark burning through my chest.

“Oh, Father Ben,” says the old man with a wink, “if she’s the one who got you defrocked, I’d say it was worth it.”

“Nah,” Ben chuckles, “Annie would never take a priest to bed, would you, mi amor?”

“Not in a million years,” I say, playing along. Theo laughs too, and Ben offers Monty his cup of cocoa.

“Promise I haven’t had any yet, but it might be cold cocoa by now.”

I am not sure what makes me do it, but I reach out and put my fingers on the cup, pouring my own heat into it until steam rises from the hole in the lid.

“It seems nice and hot to me,” I say, daring a glance down at Theo. He gives me a tense smile, then looks at Ben.

“I was just telling Monty that Roger seems like he needs a good bath and a brush out before it gets really cold. I have a friend, Jaime, who volunteers at the city shelter on Saturdays. If we can get you two over there, he can take care of Roger and have him back to you in less than an hour.”

Mr. Monroe seems tickled by this. “You got yourself a deal, boy.”

“Great idea,” says Ben, “and while Roger is getting pampered, maybe Theo and I can take you to lunch, Monty. Sound good?”

“I’ll be there with bells on,” Monty crows. “Will Miss Annie be there too?”

“I go wherever these two idiots go,” I say, and he lets out a barking laugh, which quickly devolves into a cough.

Ben frowns. “I’ll see if I can find someone to take a look at that cough too, alright? I know the VA clinic shut down recently.”

“Sure thing, Father,” Monty says, “and thanks for the cocoa.”

“Saturday, 11am, meet us here,” Ben says, patting him on the shoulder and bending down to pet Roger. I give the dog a wide berth as we walk away, but he does not bark at me as the others have—just watches me with his wide, golden eyes.

“Why does Mr. Monroe not have a place to live?” I ask as we continue through the park.

“It’s complicated,” Ben answers. “You couldn’t see it, but Monty lost one of his legs a long time ago, when he was in the Army. He had to stay in the hospital for a long time. The medicine they gave him…made him really sick, and when he got out, he couldn’t find a job because of it. No job, so no money, and no house. He’s not sick anymore, but now…it’s been such a long time that he doesn’t know what else to do, and he won’t go anywhere without Roger.”

“And no one will help him?”

“It’s not that, it’s just…there’s more to it than handing him a house and a job.”

“My dad works with homeless veteran charities,” Theo says quietly. “I could have him ask around…pet-friendly housing or something.”

“That would be great,” Ben replies. “I try to help him out where I can, but…only so much I can do when I’ve been living out of my car.”

The two of them fall silent as we walk, and I cannot help but think about Monty and Roger. In all my centuries of life, I have been told that humans will go out of their way to hurt one another. I have been told that suffering, such as Monty’s, is due to human greed and selfishness. Perhaps it is, in ways that I cannot see, but…Theo and Ben seem willing to go out of their way to help him. Just as Ben seems willing to go out of his way to help Theo. I consider what Ben said before, about some people being lights in a dark sky, like stars, and wonder why I was never told of this.

17

Theo

When we get back to the apartment, I notice that Annoth is unusually quiet. She sits down on the couch and puts a movie on, but doesn’t seem to be watching it. I’m preoccupied letting Ben write more messages to my friends and family, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she might be sad.

Once I send off the last message, I glance over at her, then back at Ben, raising my eyebrows. He shrugs and points at me, then at himself. I shake my head and point at him. Annoth and I have been at each other’s throats all day. Trying to talk to her would probably make it worse, so I sit down at the kitchen counter and open my laptop, pretending to browse job listings while I eavesdrop.

“Annie, mi amor, is everything alright?” Ben asks softly, sitting on the coffee table across from her. “You haven’t violently threatened anyone in,” he checks his watch, “at least an hour.”

“I think…my human body is cold,” she answers.

“How about a hot shower?” Ben suggests, and Annoth finally looks at him, raising an eyebrow.

“A shower?”

He shrugs. “Always helps me warm up.”

“Can you show me?” she asks, and I have to stifle a laugh. I don’t think she quite understands what’s involved.

Ben just grins and shakes his head. “I’ll show you the general concept, but…after that you’re on your own.”

She hesitates, but I can tell she’s interested. “Very well, show me the ‘general concept’.”

Ben holds his hand out and she takes it, letting him lead her to the bathroom. Just to ensure that she doesn’t try anything crazy, I follow and stand outside the door.

“So, the water is simply…hot?” she asks skeptically, holding her hand out to feel the stream coming from the showerhead.

“Yeah, but…you close the door and the room fills up with steam and it’s just nice. Trust me,” Ben says. He looks back, as if asking me for help, and I suddenly remember that I still have a few things Ros left behind. From the cabinet under the sink, I take out an unused loofah, some orchid-scented body wash, and one of those aromatherapy tablets that dissolves and makes things smell nice.

“If you’re gonna do it for the first time, you might as well do it right,” I tell Annoth, who narrows her eyes when I hold the loofah out. I unwrap the tablet and toss it onto the floor of the shower, where it begins to fizz. She inhales the rosemary and citrus scent, and her face relaxes, then she opens the shower door to step in.

“Uh…Annie,” Ben chuckles, “you have to…take your clothes off. We’ll leave though.”

Before we can actually go, she just turns her back to us and waves her hand casually through the air. In wisps of shadow, her t-shirt and jeans vanish, leaving her completely naked.

My body enters a state of shock. While she’s toned down her more extreme appearance now, she still looks like a swimsuit model—all thick hips and curves that my fingers can’t help but want to dig into. Ben grins at me, but I’m already averting my eyes, trying to hide my body’s automatic reaction to the sight of her smooth, alabaster skin and the deep twin dimples at the base of her spine.

“Come on, you perv,” I say, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the hall with me, then closing the door. I’m suddenly, painfully aware of how close Ben and I are standing, and how uncomfortable the pressure in my jeans is. It’s been way too long. I’m silently willing him not to notice, but he does, and his grin only widens.

“You can go take care of that if you need to,” he teases. “Don’t mind me.” Then he turns and walks down the hall. I let out the breath I was holding and follow him, my head still spinning and trying to grasp the situation I’ve found myself in: two of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen, but one of them is a demon who wants to drag me back to Hell with her and the other is…well, I’m not really sure what Ben’s deal is at this point. He flirts like crazy with me and Annoth, but he’s never mentioned any relationships either before or after his time in the priesthood. In defiance of my urge to get to know him better, I keep the conversation focused on Annoth.

“What do you think is going on with her?” I ask, slipping into a chair at the counter and trying to hide the fact that I’m still half-hard.

Ben opens a can of Dr. Pepper and shrugs. “Homesick? Overwhelmed? Full of violent urges with no outlet?” he suggests with a wry chuckle. “Who fucking knows with that one.”

“I want to thank you for today,” I say quietly. “For helping me with those messages, and the groceries, and everything else.”

Ben waves a hand dismissively. “Part of the deal, right? I get you back on your feet, find an exorcist, and you don’t send me to jail.” He laughs, but I suddenly feel guilty. Is he really only doing this out of fear that I’ll turn him in? He said he was ‘interested’ in my situation, and he does seem to be, but what’s really keeping him here? Other than free food and a place to stay?

I consider the possibility that Ben is just a very good actor, and that the second Annoth and I are separated, I’ll never hear from him again. Would that be so bad? asks the practical side of my brain. You certainly don’t need any more complications in your life. True, the other part of me agrees, but Ben seems like the kind of complication that’s worth trying to hold onto.

“How long ago did you leave the priesthood?” I ask, suddenly and without thinking.

Ben raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t leave. They kicked me out, remember?”

“Right…sorry…”

“It’s been…just over a year.”

His voice is clipped, and I look down at my hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

“While Annie’s in the shower,” he says, interrupting my poor attempt at an apology, “I want you to talk to me about Ros.”

I shift uncomfortably in my chair as his dark eyes burn into me. “What about her?”

“Well, you two were together for a while, but you weren’t even engaged yet?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, you just…don’t seem like the ‘living in sin’ type.”

“We didn’t want to rush things,” I sigh, “but I had been saving up for a ring and a wedding and a house for a while. Depressingly enough, that’s the money I’ve been living off of since I lost my job too.”

Ben scratches the dark stubble on his chin. “Maybe it’s too soon to talk about why you broke up, so…why don’t you tell me about how you met? I bet it’s cute and wholesome and shit.”

“How we met?” I can’t help but smile, because it is a good story. “Alright…I think maybe I could do that.”

“Good boy,” says Ben with an impish grin. Molten lava rushes through my stomach, down my legs, then up to my face, and I stutter my way through the first sentence.

“Well…uhh, so…Ros and I…w-we actually knew each other growing up,” I say, trying to get my brain and body back on the same track and out of the gutter. “We grew up in the same town, same school, all that. Our parents are friends, and my sister Molly is best friends with her older sister, Viola, but…I just kind of saw her as this annoying little girl who was always hanging out at our house, you know? She would follow Molly and Vi around, begging to play with them, and I had my own friends.”

“Cute,” says Ben as he grabs a knife and cutting board to start prepping the spicy dinner he promised Annoth.

“We both went to college here, but again, we didn’t hang out. I decided to do a minor in English Lit though, which was her major, so there were a few times we ended up in the same classes. We’d wave to each other, but we had our own lives.”

“Yeah, I saw all the old books in your office,” Ben says. “Didn’t take you for a literature guy.”

“What kind of guy did you take me for?”

“I dunno…beer or fishing or golf or something. Rodeos, maybe?”

“Hey, gimme some credit here!” I laugh. “I left the tiny rural town to get away from the beer and fishing and golf. It was never my thing.”

“Alright, alright,” Ben says, holding his hands up. “Go ahead.”

“Anyway, during my junior year, her sophomore year, I ran into her at a party and we got into a very drunken, heated debate about a book we’d both read recently. I remember just…being struck by how much she had changed. She was so smart, and beautiful, and fun, and she seemed interested in me too, for some reason. At one point during this very serious debate, she told me I was wrong, and to shut the fuck up, and she shut me up by kissing me, so…I was hooked.”

“Now, see, you do strike me as the type who likes it when women are mean to him,” Ben laughs. He glances behind me and I turn to see Annoth, now out of the shower now and clothed again, thank God. She’s wearing another enormous t-shirt and, with a wave of her hand, she creates another messy bun on top of her head, then plops down into the chair beside me and folds her hands on the countertop.

“I could be much meaner to you if it would help our relationship, Theo,” she says with a wicked grin.

“Sorry,” I tell her. “I’m not one of those ‘monster fuckers’. Human women only, no matter how mean you are.”

“How dull,” Annoth sighs. “What are we discussing?”

“Theo is just telling me the sob story about how he met Ros.”

Annoth rolls her eyes. “Delightful. Are you making my dinner?”

“Sí, mi amor.” Ben blows her a kiss, and she rolls her eyes harder. “Keep going, Theo. I’m on the edge of my seat.”

“Alright. So, her friends made her leave the party, and she told me to call her, but she neglected to give me her number. I spent…probably about two weeks texting my sister and begging her to get it from Vi, since Ros wasn’t on any social media at the time. Molly just liked to torment me and wouldn’t do it, and I didn’t see Ros on campus anywhere—didn’t have any classes with her that semester—so I really thought I was fucked. But, I knew that Molly was going over to Ros’s parents’ house for Thanksgiving that next month, and I bribed her with a blank babysitting check if she would ask Ros what classes she was taking in the spring. I signed up for one she was in, a Shakespeare class, but it turns out she was in a different section than me. I went to my advisor and…might have told a white lie to get myself moved to her section.”

“Saint Theodore told a lie in order to meet a girl?” says Annoth, putting on a tone of fake outrage. “The scandal! How will you ever wash that spotless reputation clean?”

“What did you tell your advisor?” Ben asks.

I run a hand through my hair and grin sheepishly. “I, uhh..I told her I had to go to Mass on Wednesday mornings, so I needed to be in the Thursday morning section, which is the one Ros was taking.”

“I’m practically swooning over here,” Ben sighs, pressing a hand to his forehead.

“And how did you win her over?” Annoth asks, slightly less hostile now.

“I’m honestly not sure,” I admit. “I sat next to her in class and just asked if she remembered the party. She did, but she said she was really embarrassed, didn’t want our sisters finding out, and wasn’t sure if I would remember it, so that’s why she didn’t try to contact me. But…we just started talking, and then we started studying together, and then dating…and we moved in together after graduation…” I feel lighter for a moment, but then the heaviness of losing Ros washes over me again and my body sags.

Ben frowns. “I know what you need. Star Wars.”

“Really?” I ask, slightly embarrassed at how much that cheers me up.

“Sure, why not? If you two are going to hold me prisoner, you might as well torture me too.”

“It’s not torture!” I insist. “You just have to watch them in the right order, with the shows!”

“Annie, what’s better: Star Wars or Guardians of the Galaxy?” Ben asks, and she sighs.

“You will not like my answer. I enjoy Star Wars more.”

“You two are killing me,” he groans. “Fine, but if I’m cooking dinner, we’re at least going to start with whichever one has Carrie Fisher in that gold bikini.”

“That seems fair,” I say, but then Annoth gives him a mischievous smile.

“You mean…this?” she asks, and before I can stop her, she’s made her oversized t-shirt vanish and is sitting there wearing Princess Leia’s signature space underwear. I think Ben’s head might explode and he stands on his tiptoes to get a better look at the rest of her behind the counter.

“Annie, I swear to God…” he mutters, putting a hand over his face. “If I wasn’t cooking, I’d–”

“You would do absolutely nothing!” I interject with a small laugh, then I spy a pile of mail on the counter, which includes some magazine that Ros used to get delivered. It has a lot of ‘fashion inspiration’ articles and photos, so I grab it from the stack and toss it to Annoth.

“What is this?” she asks, frowning.

“Just look through it and pick something more…appropriate,” I tell her. “Ben’s going to slice his finger off if you keep that on much longer.”

“Killjoy,” Ben mutters. Annoth takes the magazine and begins to flip pages. She’s feigning boredom, but every few minutes she casually waves her hand and new clothes appear on her body. She seems to be testing things out, and I let her work in silence while I get Star Wars: Episode IV ready. Ben is still cooking, but I want him to watch, so I ask if there’s anything I can do to help. I’m not the best in the kitchen, but I can certainly follow directions.

“Ehhh,” he says warily, “I dunno if I trust you, but…if you insist, you can just stir that pan every few minutes.” I pick up the wooden spoon and stand dutifully by the stove, watching Ben watch Star Wars, and watching Annoth pretend she isn’t enjoying herself.

This is how things go every day for almost a week. It becomes a routine, as simple as getting up and going to work used to be. I wake up in my own bed, with the cats on my chest, and feed them. Ben is usually cooking breakfast and playing early-aughts angry emo kid music or old episodes of Tom & Jerry, while Annoth browses magazines I’ve found around the apartment, or a carefully chosen pile of books from my own collection.

It slowly becomes easier for me to shower again, because I know that I don’t have to worry about making food. Then, it becomes easier for me to help Ben make breakfast, and to clean up afterwards while he showers. Each morning, we do one of Ben’s ‘counseling’ sessions, which prove to be unhelpful. Annoth won’t speak at all, except to threaten or insult, and I’m not ready to talk about a lot of things, like why Ros and I broke up. After the unsuccessful attempts at therapy, we walk to the park and bring tupperware containers of hot food to Monty and Roger. Every day, Annoth insists on getting hot cocoa from the food truck. She claims that the heat simply reminds her of home, but always makes sure we get a cup for Monty too.

On Saturday, we pick him and Roger up and take them to the animal shelter. Jaime goes absolutely bananas over Roger, then asks ‘Annika’ if she’d like to help give him a bath and a brush-out. Annoth declines, as politely as she knows how, and instead accompanies me and Ben while we take Monty to lunch. She has to actively hide her delight when Ben orders her a jalapeño margarita and the spiciest dish on the menu. I catch her looking at him more than once over lunch, and I think I see a strange new softness in her eyes, but all that does is make me anxious.

After a second week of the same routine, she’s barely even making threats or using her creepy shadows anymore. On our daily walks to the park, she talks to Monty, laughs at his jokes, and uses her powers to keep his food and hot cocoa warm. Then, she starts to pat Roger on the head, scratches his ears, and eventually allows him to snuggle up to her. He doesn’t react badly to her the way other dogs do, which Ben seems to think is meaningful.

In fact, he seems to think a lot of things she does are meaningful. I even found him flipping through my copies of The Screwtape Letters and Paradise Lost at one point, like he’s trying to figure her out. For every question she asks us about the human world, Ben asks one about her, about Hell, and about demonic possession. Part of me can understand his interest. After all, he spent years studying this stuff and now he’s finding out it’s all real. I can’t blame him for wanting answers, but it’s his interest in Annoth specifically that makes me nervous. He jokes with her, teases, flirts, asks her opinion, checks up on her–treats her like a person. It might be heartwarming if I weren’t still at her mercy, even if she has been keeping her promise not to mess with me.

By the end of that second week, she’s become so withdrawn and quiet, if she were a normal friend, I’d be worried. She sits on the couch and watches movies most of the day, but I start to notice a change in the ones she picks. More soft, romantic, and uplifting, rather than the gory, violent stuff she wanted to watch before. At one point, I even catch her trying to coax Dante and Virgil out from under my bed with pieces of bacon. They still want nothing to do with her, but their rejection actually seems to make her sad now, instead of angry. The anxious part of my brain tells me that it’s all an act, that she’s manipulating my emotions and trying to get me to drop my guard. But there’s a small part of me that hopes it’s real, at least for Ben’s sake. I think he’s becoming attached to her, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t becoming attached to him.

Meanwhile, Ben hears back from his church contacts and, bit-by-bit, my hopes of being in control of my own life again dwindle. One priest has moved to Switzerland. Two won’t perform an exorcism without the approval of their bishop. One won’t do it without the mental health tests. A week after our lunch with Monty, Ben is waiting to hear back from one last contact, and I’m becoming increasingly desperate. In spite of the changes in Annoth’s behavior, the thought of being stuck with her indefinitely is pushing me to the edge of a panic attack that I can’t afford to have.

“What if we can’t find anyone?” I ask Ben one night while Annoth is in the shower again. She takes at least two every day, and I can only assume it’s because she enjoys the heat, because she doesn’t actually need to clean her fake human body. I don’t mind though, because it gives me and Ben time to talk privately.

“Well, then I guess you just have to keep being a good person for the rest of your life, pobrecito,” Ben says with a smirk.

“This is serious!”

“I know it is, but…I’ll be honest, Theo, I’m out of my depth here, and this doesn’t just affect you.”

“What?”

“When do I get to go on living my life without the threat of arrest dangling over my head?” he asks. He might as well have hit me in the chest. I had almost completely forgotten about my threat to turn him in. We get along so well, I guess I’d fooled myself into thinking that he was sticking around because he wanted to, because it was better than sleeping in his car…or maybe because he cared about me. Completely delusional, obviously.

I clear my throat. “I’m sorry I did that,” I say quietly. “I was just…desperate and angry. You can go whenever you want to, if you don’t mind leaving me the contact information for your friends…”

Ben pauses cutting the green onions he’s working on, then picks up the cutting board and slams it down in front of me.

“Chop,” he says tersely, placing the knife next to my hand. “Thin slices.”

I don’t touch anything. “Ben…I just said you can go…”

“I heard you,” he snaps, turning around to stir the potato soup he has simmering on the stove.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not leaving you alone,” he says, keeping his eyes on the pot, “or her. Not right now.”

“Annoth?” I glance behind me to make sure she isn’t lurking.

“Both of you need my help.”

“She’s a demon. I don’t know if she really needs or wants anyone’s help.”

He turns back and points the wooden spoon at me. “Is that what she’s been acting like these last couple weeks? A demon? Or has she been acting like a woman who’s starting to realize there’s more to the world than what she was taught? Don’t tell me you don’t understand that feeling, Theo.”

He goes back to stirring, and my body floods with shame. Of course, I know that feeling. It’s what made me leave my hometown and refuse to go back, even when that was all Ros wanted. As much as I tried to give her everything, I couldn’t give her that.

“Annoth isn’t human, Ben,” I say softly. “I know it’s hard to remember when she looks the way she does, and when she’s acting…softer, but you aren’t the one sharing your body. I need you to remember what she is.”

“Do you want my help or not?” he asks, closing his eyes and letting his shoulders sag. “Because, I don’t want to leave the two of you…until we figure this out.” He opens his eyes halfway, looking at me through long, black lashes, and something shifts in my body. I don’t want him to leave either, but I don’t know how to say it, and I don’t know how to ask him for what I really want.

“What has the two of you looking so melancholy?” asks Annoth as she emerges from the hallway. She’s spent the last week learning how to wrap a towel around her hair and twist it up, even though she could dry it with magic. Her shadow-wardrobe has expanded too, so she’s now wearing a fluffy, blood-red bathrobe and slippers. She sits beside me at the counter as I start chopping the green onions and Ben returns to stirring.

“Another one of my contacts fell through,” he tells her. “I only have one more who might answer.”

“Oh,” says Annoth. She glances at me. “But…Theo has been doing many good deeds, so maybe…”

“Still might not be enough,” I say, and she remains silent.

“It’s too fucking quiet,” Ben grunts after a minute.

“I’ll put Clone Wars on,” I mutter. We’ve worked our way through Star Wars Episodes IV, V, and VI first, then Episodes I and II, and we’ve been watching the Clone Wars animated series all week. Even though he won’t admit it, I think I have Ben hooked. Annoth too, because they both perk up a little when I get up to find the remote. Just as I do, however, my phone starts buzzing on the counter. Annoth peeks at the screen and her eyes widen, then she looks up at me with something almost resembling pity.

I can’t move, or breathe as I ask, “It’s Ros, isn’t it?”

Ben wipes his hands on a towel and picks my phone up. I’m terrified for a moment that he’s going to answer it, but instead he brings it to me and holds it out.

“Answer it and just say ‘Hey Ros’. Nothing else. Neutral, flat, disinterested. Alright?” He sets the phone on my palm, face up, then hovers his finger over the button that will answer the call. “Ready?”

I nod weakly and croak, “Yes.”

“Keep your eyes on me,” he murmurs, then slides the button to answer. His warm fingers close around mine, lifting the phone up to my ear and holding it there, standing only a few inches away. His gaze is so intense that I almost forget to speak.

“Hey, Ros,” I manage to say, although I’m not sure how neutral my voice sounds. There’s a brief pause.

“Hey, Teddy,” she says softly, and I nearly crumble. She’s the only one who calls me that other than my family. Ben apparently senses this and shakes head a little, then makes a motion that I take to mean ‘deep breaths’.

“Let me guess, you want to talk to the boys?” I say, and Ros gives a quiet, polite laugh.

“I was actually calling about that,” she says. “I finally found a place to live back home, so…I’d like to come get them…if that’s alright.”

Panic floods my brain. She can’t come over. Not with Annoth and Ben here. Not with me looking the way I do. The apartment isn’t as bad as it was, but it’s still a mess, and so am I. Ben raises his eyebrows and nods, mouthing a response for me to repeat.

“Uhh…when?” I stutter.

“Well, I know it’s super last minute and I’m sorry, but I’m actually on my way into town right now. I left a few boxes at a friend’s apartment and…I just thought…”

“Right now…” I repeat breathlessly. My knees are shaky and the edges of my vision start to go black. Ben grips my fingers tighter and puts his other hand on my upper arm, squeezing so hard it actually hurts. The jolt of pain pulls me out of my spiral just long enough to finish the conversation.

“Is…is that alright?” Ros asks. “Are you busy? Vi told me you lost your job right after…well, she told me what happened and I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know what else to–”

“I’m not busy,” I say quickly, repeating the words Ben is mouthing. “Just come over.”

“Thanks, Teddy,” Ros says, “and…thanks for taking care of my boys. You know how much they mean to me.”

“Yeah, I know.” Before I can say anything else, Ben pulls the phone gently away from my ear and hangs up. My knees buckle, my vision blurs again, and before I know it, I’m sinking toward the floor. But he catches me. His arms wrap around my back and his chest presses against mine. His lips are so close, I could kiss them…if I wanted to…not that I do. He guides me over to sit in the armchair and when he moves away, I want him to come back. Nothing in my life feels solid right now besides him.

“You did great,” he tells me. “Now, how much time do we have?”

“I dunno…maybe twenty minutes…maybe an hour,” I mutter. “Not sure how far away she is. I should’ve asked…I’m sorry.”

Ben stands up and looks at Annoth, who is sitting at the counter looking supremely bored.

“Alright, Your Highness,” he snaps at her, “off your ass. Let’s get this place cleaned up.”

“Excuse me? I am not a maidservant.”

“If you got time to lean, you got time to clean!” Ben cackles.

“She cannot be out when Ros gets here,” I tell him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stick her back in her enclosure and lock the door,” he says, winking at me. “You just sit and chill out. Annie, vámonos!”

She slides off her chair with a grumble and takes the trash bag he hands her, then stands there rolling her eyes as he zooms around the main living area, picking up trash and piling dirty clothes on the couch. I sit, holding my head in my hands and trying not to slip back into a panic attack.

This cannot be happening. Not now. I thought I had more time before things became so permanently…over. I guess I thought as long as the cats were still here, there was a tiny chance Ros might come back. That she might realize how much she missed our little family and our life together. Now, that tiny chance seems infinitesimal at best.

“Ben,” I croak. He ties off the trash bag and crouches in front of me. “What do I say to her when she gets here?”

“Well, you know, they didn’t teach me much about talking to women in seminary,” he jokes. “Just…stay off tricky topics. Don’t talk about feelings, don’t mention the break-up. If you have to talk, ask about her family, or tell her about what the cats have been doing.”

“Yeah…alright.”

“Oh, and Annie might be able to vanish into thin air, but I can’t,” he says gently. “Do you want me to stick around? I could just wait in the office, or…”

“Can you, uh…can you stay out here?”

“Sure, sure. I’ll just be your very handsome, charming new roommate, ok? You needed one after you lost your job.”

“Ok,” I mumble, then stand up and wander down the hall to the bathroom. I’ve been avoiding looking in mirrors, but now I do, and I cringe. My hair has grown out much longer than I would usually allow it, and it’s greasy. I haven’t shaved since she left, just trimmed here and there with clippers when I started to look like a yeti. Ros hated it when I tried to grow facial hair, so maybe it was my own small, petty attempt at revenge. I try to scrub my face and beard clean, then scrounge through my drawers for anything I can use to look slightly more presentable. I’ve got nothing, but Ben keeps a jar of pomade on the counter, so I pick it up and debate what might be the best way to use it.

“You look…adequate,” says a quiet voice. Annoth pokes her head all the way around the bathroom door. She’s swapped her robe for a pair of basic yoga pants and a tank top, with her hair in a long braid over her shoulder, but she still looks like a bombshell. For a split second, I consider asking her to stay out while Ros is here, but…that’s not me. I’ve never been petty. Ros deserves to be happy, even if it isn’t with me, and trying to make her jealous won’t help me feel any better.

“Adequate,” I laugh. “Just what every man wants to hear.”

Annoth reaches out and takes the pomade from me, then pops it open and scoops some onto her fingers. Ben has been showing her how he uses it every morning, so I dip my head and let her run her fingers through my hair, pushing it back. She radiates warmth, quite literally, and the closer she stands, the more I want to reach out and touch her. My life has been so cold lately, and ironically, the only warmth that’s come back into it is via Hell.

“There. Now you look…more than adequate.” She doesn’t drop her hands when she’s done, just stands there with her fingers resting at my temples and a strange look in her wide, black-as-coal eyes.

“You should…probably go now,” I tell her.

Her hands fall and so does her gaze. “Yes, you are right.”

“And, could you not talk to me while she’s here, please?” I tap the side of my head.

“If you wanted to avenge yourself, to frighten her…torment her or something of that nature, I would be more than willing to help,” Annoth says, and she sounds strangely earnest, as if she actually believes that hurting Ros will make me happy. A weak laugh escapes me, and for some reason, I reach out and take her hand, gently pressing my thumb into her palm as she closes her fingers over mine.

“You said you want to learn about humans, so here’s a good lesson for you: as a general rule, we don’t hurt the people we love.”

“You still love her?” Annoth asks, a small line appearing between her eyebrows.

“Of course, I do.”

She silently examines our hands, clasped together in front of her chest.

“What must that feel like?” she whispers. “To be loved…” With a loud whoosh and a swirl of shadow, she vanishes, pressing herself back into my body. I blink a few times, adjusting to the sensation of hosting her again, then check the mirror. I do look better now, I’ll admit. Maybe I’ll keep the longer hair.

“Thanks…Annie,” I say out loud. There’s no response, and then I hear the cats start to meow frantically, followed by a knock on the door. Out in the kitchen, Ben is still making dinner, and he smiles when he sees me.

“He cleans up pretty nice, doesn’t he, Annie?”

In response, the lights flicker and the TV switches to playing Star Wars: Episode IV. Ben laughs, then looks at Virgil and Dante, who are pacing and yowling by the door.

“Let’s get this over with,” I say firmly, putting my hand on the knob.

18

Annoth

The woman on the other side of the door is much more beautiful than I imagined she would be, and I am filled with inexplicable rage. The few photographs Theo keeps around the apartment do not do her justice. She is all softness, from the shining brown curls draped over her shoulder, to her pink skin, red lips, and gentle smile. Even the expression in her hazel eyes is soft, but I can see pity too as she looks Theo over. I feel the urge to remind her that she is the one who has done this to him, but I hold myself back. His body is shaking badly and he clenches his muscles to prevent it from showing.

“Teddy,” says Ros in a sweet voice that perfectly matches her appearance. “You look…different. The beard. It’s good, though.” She bends down as the cats approach, scooping them both up in her arms and fussing over them.

“You look the same,” says Theo bluntly.

Ros gives him a rather sad smile, then she notices Ben.

“Hello,” he says, polite smile not quite reaching his eyes. “I’m Ben. The new roommate.”

Ros looks back at Theo and raises her eyebrows. “A roommate?” I cannot help but wonder if she knows about his proclivities toward men.

“Lost my job, remember?” Theo says with a shrug. “I’ll go get their carriers and stuff. I have about half a bag of food too.”

Ros steps into the apartment, and Theo lets the door close behind her. The tension in his body is like a dam holding back a flood, and I try to pour some of my own warmth into him as he begins to collect the cats’ belongings from around the laundry room.

What are you doing to me? he asks.

It benefits me to prevent you from experiencing pain.

You’re a liar, he says with a small laugh.

I am a demon, I reply, and he smiles. He places the food dishes, collars, toys, and a brush into a bag, then takes two small cages down from the shelves and brings everything out to the living room. Ben is focused quite intently on his potato soup, while Ros is occupied with the cats. They are not speaking.

“Heard you got a new job,” Theo says as he sets the cages down.

“Yeah.” Ros sounds slightly wary that he is asking about her new life. “Remember Mr. Meadows, the old English teacher? He had to retire kind of suddenly and…there I was. Never thought I’d be teaching back at home, but it’s been good so far.”

“I’m glad you found something,” Theo tells her, voice quivering as he reaches out for the black cat. “Gonna miss these knuckleheads though.”

Ros suddenly appears emotional. “I’m sorry, Teddy. I really am. I hope you know how much I–”

Theo holds his hand up, and she falls silent. “We don’t have to talk, Ros, and you don’t have to apologize.”

“I know, but we haven’t even–”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Ros! Please!” Theo says loudly. The flare of emotion causes some primal part of me to shift, like a hunting hound catching a scent. This is what I have been waiting for. This is what I needed. My opportunity to take over, to bend him to my will. If I can only push him a little further…

“I get it,” Ros mumbles, kneeling down to put the gray cat into its cage. I imagine how easy it would be, to reach out with my shadows, to snap her pretty neck, and then use Theo’s distress to complete my mission. But I remember the way his hand felt wrapped around mine, and the certainty in his voice when he said that he still loves her. I think about the care he takes when he packs food for Monty, and the way he speaks to Roger, as if the dog can understand him. I think about how he becomes emotional when watching Star Wars, no matter how many times he has seen it. I picture the way he looks at Ben when he thinks no one is watching and, with a sickening jolt, I realize that I no longer want to hurt Theo. My demonic instincts might be reacting to his emotions, but the idea of hurting him now, when he is vulnerable, is incomprehensible.

Ros stands up, holding a cage in each hand, with the bag of supplies hanging over one shoulder, and Theo’s resolve begins to crumble. He desperately wants to beg, to kiss her dramatically like in the films, or simply tell her how badly he misses her. But instead, he stuffs his hands in his pockets to hide their trembling. Hoping to lend him just a small amount of my own strength, I twine my shadows through his body, and his trembling lessens.

“Good luck, Ros,” he says. “You deserve…everything you want.”

Her bottom lip quivers and tears gather in her eyes. “Good luck to you too, Teddy. I guess I’ll…probably see you around.”

He nods and then reaches behind her to open the door, causing her breath to hitch at their proximity. I can feel the drumming of his heart, the tension stretching between their two bodies. He meets her gaze for a brief moment, and I sense that he wants to kiss her. Gently, I use my shadows to coax him back. I cannot fully control his body, but this is more like a gentle tug—a reminder that he no longer belongs to her.

Heaving the cat carriers in her arms, Ros leaves the apartment. Theo nearly slams the door behind her, then takes a few steps backwards and leans on a chair. In an instant, Ben is there, gripping his upper arms.

“Hey, you did great!” he says, but Theo’s shaking becomes worse, and his breathing is labored.

“I think…I’m having…a panic attack…” he gasps, and slides down to the floor. Ben kneels beside him, but I do not know what to do. If I remain inside his body, my instincts could take over, and I cannot bear the thought of it. I must distance myself in order to lessen the intensity of our connection.

I do not want to hurt you, I whisper, hating how much emotion permeates my voice. I pull myself away and manifest on the couch, out of his sight. Ben gently talks him through the panic attack for a few minutes, then hauls him up and takes him to the bedroom.

I would follow them, but I feel as though I might be having a panic attack of my own. What is the matter with me? I had the perfect opportunity. The perfect chance to wrap my shadows around Theo’s heart and make him my own. I had the perfect victim too. The things we could have done to Ros…I would have relished them, but perhaps I would have relished them more knowing that she hurt Theo. This is not what I am. I am not supposed to care about the feelings of my human host. I am supposed to control them, to use them, to wield them like a weapon until they are bled dry and beg for mercy.

But I no longer feel like myself. I feel split, divided, pulled in two different directions, torn between my instincts and the heart I am not meant to have.

19

Theo

As soon as the door closes behind Ros, everything becomes foggy. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to push her against the wall like I used to, twist my fingers through her hair, make her gasp and giggle, then fall onto the couch together. The urge was so strong, I thought for sure I would give in, but something pulled me back. I know it was Annoth. I could feel her moving through my body, tugging me away from Ros, and as much as it hurt to watch her walk out again without doing a damn thing about it, I’m grateful. But now I can’t breathe. I lean against the chair and suddenly, Ben is in front of me, holding my arms.

“Hey, you did great!” His voice is earnest, but he’s wrong. It’s really over. She’s really gone. And I don’t think I can handle it.

“I think…I’m having…a panic attack,” I gasp, and slide down to the floor. Ben crouches in front of me, but I can’t hear what he’s saying because Annoth is writhing inside me.

I do not want to hurt you, she says, and pulls away from me. If I could tell her not to go, I would. If I could say that she feels like the only real thing inside me right now, I would, but I can’t speak. I can’t see where she manifested. All I can see is Ben, his face full of worry, kneeling in front of me. His hands are rough, and they’re holding me steady as I start to hyperventilate and shake.

“Theo, I know it’s hard to talk right now, but you need to tell me if you take any medication for this,” he says urgently. I try to answer, but my voice is stuck, trapped in my throat. All I can do is move my mouth like an idiot.

Ben mutters something in Spanish and presses his shoulder into my torso, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up like a sack in one smooth motion. Through the fog, I want to laugh, or put my hands on his back to feel the way his muscles work, but I do neither. I let him carry me to my bed, where he flops me down, then I roll and push onto my elbows, holding my face in my hands. He starts to pull my shoes off as I try to control my breathing.

“Don’t get too excited now, vaquero,” he says, his voice firm and loud, demanding my attention. “I’m stopping at the shoes, unless you need me to do more.”

I finally find my voice and mutter, “I can undress myself.”

He comes around the side of the bed and kneels so his face is level with mine. “Medication, Theo? Water? A joint? What do you need?”

I try to laugh, but it comes out strangled, so I point to the nightstand. “Klonopin. Just one.”

Ben opens the drawer and fishes around for a moment, then pulls out the bottle. “Hang on, I’ll get water.” When he comes back, he puts a hand on my shoulder. Automatically, I jerk away from him. He moves back, but sets the pill beside me and the water on the nightstand.

“I’ll go,” he says softly, but I shake my head, running my fingers through my hair, fighting the urge to rip it all out.

“Please don’t.” I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to scream, cry, or become so dense that I collapse into a black hole. But I also want him to stay, just not too close. As if he can read my mind, he sits on the end of the bed beside my feet.

“What can I do?” he asks. I finally open my eyes and lean forward, taking the pill between my lips and swallowing it down dry. I don’t have the wherewithal to reach for the water yet.

“Just…talk about something,” I tell him. “Something I don’t have to pay attention to.”

He chuckles, then begins speaking Spanish. I can’t understand him, but the cadence of his voice is perfect and I want him to keep talking forever. My body feels like it’s about to snap in half, and suddenly every single piece of fabric I’m wearing feels wrong. I let out a groan and pull my legs under me, then reach up and yank the t-shirt over my head, using it to cover my face as I unbutton my jeans with shaking hands. I’m covered in cold sweat, and my face is wet with tears, but I try to block everything else out and focus on Ben’s voice—low, steady, full of humor and warmth. I can feel it creeping into my veins. Or maybe that’s the Klonopin.

Slowly, I come back down to earth. One muscle at a time, my body relaxes. When it’s over though, I feel like I’ve run two miles through the sand. Everything hurts. I manage to pull myself back up onto my elbows and realize that I’m only wearing my boxers now, but I grab the water and drain the entire glass. When I turn around, Ben is looking at me, his brow furrowed in concern.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur, and he shakes his head.

“Don’t you dare apologize. It’s not something you can control, is it?”

I push my sweat soaked hair away from my face. “No, not really.”

“How long have you had them?”

“Since I was a kid, but…they got worse in high school, then again in college. More pressure. More shit to worry about.”

He nods sagely. “I get it. I’m sorry you deal with that.”

“Where is she?” I ask, suddenly remembering that Annoth left me when the panic attack started.

“Living room. She seemed upset.”

“She…she said she didn’t want to hurt me,” I tell him.

“You know,” Ben says, “if I was a gambling man, I’d say there’s a chance she cares about you, Theo.”

“Isn’t gambling a sin?” I ask, smiling in spite of how awful I feel.

Ben’s eyes flicker over my body. “I’ve done a lot of sinful things,” he says quietly. “Don’t see the point in stopping now.”

I let out a soft snort. “Well, leave me out of it, please…at least for tonight.” I flop back on the bed and cover my face with my hands. I still feel like crying, but it’s not so overwhelming now.

“Get some rest,” says Ben gently, standing up. “You handled things great tonight. You should be proud of yourself.”

“I could’ve been nicer to Ros. She wanted to talk about things and I just…cut her off.”

“You have a right not to talk about it, Theo. Remember, you don’t always have to do what other people want. Ros will be ok, and if you ever decide that you want to talk about it, you can reach out to her.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” There’s a long pause, and I notice how Ben’s gaze keeps pulling over to me, then darting away. I try to diffuse the strangeness by asking, “Is that really your theory about Annoth? That she cares? That she has feelings?”

Ben sighs. “You were vulnerable tonight. I think she could’ve taken control while you were weak, emotionally speaking, but she didn’t. She said she didn’t want to hurt you, and she left your body–voluntarily.”

“Yeah, but…couldn’t it all just be a ploy?”

“I guess it could,” Ben says with a shrug, “but I think she’s more human than you give her credit for, and that people don’t do things without a reason.”

“What’s your reason?” I ask. “For staying here? For doing all this?”

“Well, you did blackmail me,” Ben says with a grin, “but…my favorite Commandment always was that one about not lying, and I’ve been doing a pretty shitty job following it lately. So, let me tell you the truth tonight: I’m doing this because I like you, Theo. I like being around you, I admire you, and I think you’re a good person. That’s why I’m still here.” My heart starts back up again, hammering in my chest, and I’m suddenly, painfully aware of my nakedness.

“Well, thank you,” I say weakly. “I’ll…try to find a way to pay you back sometime. For all of it. Any other truths you need to get off your chest while we’re here?” Ben stands and turns, picking up the comforter from the bed and shaking it out so it covers my legs. He’s avoiding my eyes, and I can’t help but feel anxious as he takes a deep breath to speak.

“I…I don’t like Luke Skywalker…” he says, looking deadly serious.

“Get out,” I laugh, pointing at the door.

“Oh, come on!”

“No, it’s alright. I knew you’d be more of a Han Solo guy anyway. I guess you can stay.”

Ben just shakes his head, picks up the empty water glass, and leaves the room. He comes back a minute later with it full again and sets it on my nightstand.

“Is Annoth out there?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go talk to her. You get some sleep.”

“Ben,” I call out as he leaves the bedroom, “don’t do anything stupid, please.”

He just gives me another grin. “Never have, never will.”

20

Annoth

Ben startles me when he returns from the bedroom and says, “Annie, mi amor. Theo’s in bed now, calmed down. What’s wrong? You look–”

Something about the softness and concern in his voice fills me with anger.

“Why do you ask me this?” I nearly yell, jumping off the couch and facing him with my clenched fists. “Why do you call me these things? Why do you pretend as if I share the weakness of your human feelings?”

Ben puts his hands up, a frown twisting his face. “I’m not pretending anything. I’m just…asking a question. It doesn’t always need an answer. It’s how we check up on each other.”

“I do not need to be checked up on!” I seethe, fury burning through my limbs and coming out as blue-tinted flames in the palms of my hands. The lights in the apartment flicker and go out, my shadows consuming any remaining pinpricks, plunging us into darkness. Ben’s eyes widen, but he takes a step toward me, hands held out flat in front of him.

“I’m not afraid of you, Annie, as much as you want me to be. The shadows, the fire, the anger…it doesn’t scare me.” He takes another step, and I release the shadowy tendrils from my body, sending them flying out to wrap around his legs, arms, and neck. He stiffens, but doesn’t fight, doesn’t struggle.

“You should be afraid,” I hiss. “I could cause you such agony that you would beg for death! I could tear you apart and put you back together so many times that you would welcome the flames of the next world!” I move closer, tightening the shadows around his throat, creating sharp points and digging them into his groin and spine. His face twitches in pain.

“Dance with me,” he murmurs when I am standing only a foot away.

I stop, and my shadows falter. “What did you say?”

“Dance with me,” he says again, “and I’ll show you what it means to trust someone.”

My shadows slither down his body, flickering across the floor as he takes a deep breath and puts his arms out again. I stand still, my body locked in a vicious battle with my instincts. I want to be near him. I want to dance with him, kiss him again, commit any number of sins with him, but I cannot move. I can barely breathe as he approaches me, then reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone. The music begins and he sets it down, then takes my hand and lifts it up so the flame in my palm dances between us like a candle. A single, slow piano and a woman’s lilting voice echo around us, singing of places and things I do not recognize. Ben’s fingers cradle mine, blue Hellfire throwing his beautiful face into sharp relief, then he raises his other hand and holds it over the flame. Pain flickers in his eyes as he slowly moves his hand down.

“Ben,” I whisper, “it will burn you.” He does not stop until the flame has been smothered between our two palms.

“Then burn me, Annie,” he murmurs. “Drag me to Hell and send me up in flames. Just promise me they’ll be yours.”

I hold my breath as he puts one of my hands on his shoulder and envelops the other in his fingers. His other hand moves down my arm, shoulder, and back, resting on my waist, and he tugs me closer. Our breaths mix and our cheeks touch as we begin to sway back and forth, the movement of our bodies perfectly in sync.

My shadows slide back up, gently now, taking their time in mapping every inch of him–inches that I desperately want to explore further. Turning my face, I plant a soft kiss on his neck. A kiss meant to say: ‘I trust you, I care for you, but I do not understand it, and I am frightened’. Ben sighs and leans his head against mine, then a new song begins and he sings quietly in my ear. I do not fully understand the lyrics, but I believe Ben is trying to express that I have the same effect on him as the brown liquor he calls tequila.

“What does it mean?” I ask as he pulls me away from the coffee table and moves us in a small circle across the middle of the living room.

“It means you, and the tequila, both make me crazy,” he murmurs with a breathless laugh, then he spins me around and pulls me close again. I remain silent and listen to the final lyrics, where the man refers to his lover as a ‘favorite sin’.

“Am I your favorite sin, Father Benjamin?” I ask with a small smirk, searching his eyes. He releases my hand and holds my chin between his fingers, running his thumb along my bottom lip.

“I think you just might be, Annie,” he whispers, and then he kisses me.

It is different this time. When we kissed before, I wanted him to submit to me. It was a power struggle, a fire–raging, devouring anger, out of control, ready to destroy. But this…this feels the way I have always imagined rain. All-consuming, life-giving, cleansing. He pulls me against him, moving his hand into my hair as my arms wrap around his neck. He tastes exquisite, like spices and sweat and soap. My shadows deftly slip beneath his clothes, searching for more of him, all of him. I need all of him.

“Annie, mi amor,” he breathes, voice full of warning.

“Yes?”

“We can’t…”

“Cannot…cannot what?” I whisper, my mind so muddled by the kiss that I barely process what he is saying.

“Can’t go any further than this,” he says. “Not right now. Theo…”

“Would you like for him to join us?” I ask, moving my lips along Ben’s jaw and down his neck. “I see the way you look at him. I do not mind.”

“Fuck,” he sighs, “as much as I would love that, we can’t. He won’t want to, and…I don’t know…I don’t know what could happen. You two are still connected.”

I let out a low whine and slide my hands beneath his shirt, twisting my fingers through the hair on his chest. Skin, muscle, blood, even bone, all within my grasp. I could take him. I could bind him with my shadows and take what I need from him, but…I do not want to. I want him to want me in return, and I can feel how badly he does–the hardness pressing between my thighs, his haggard breathing as he tries to fight his own desire, the way his hands grip my hair when his forehead comes to rest against mine. I realize that this is enough. The fact that he is not afraid of me, that he knows everything I am and still cares for me, trusts me…

It is enough.

“Will you stay with me?” I ask, not wanting to be away from him for even a moment. Ben lets out a low laugh and presses a sweet kiss to my forehead, causing the fluttering sensation to explode in my chest, more intense than ever before.

“Of course.” Without letting me go, he leans down and grabs several blankets and pillows from around us, then tosses them on the couch. Once we have enough, he falls backwards, pulling me down with him. I let out a tiny squeal as we land, surprising myself. I have heard human women on the television make this sound, but it is new for me. Ben grins as we settle in–him lying on his back, propped against the arm of the couch, me tucked beside him, my head and shoulder draped across his chest. He takes one of the blankets and covers us both, then puts two fingers on my chin and tilts my face back.

“We can’t do anything else, but I’m still gonna kiss you until you tell me to stop,” he murmurs. I reach up and thread my fingers through his hair, pulling myself closer until our lips meet.

“I will not tell you to stop,” I assure him.

21

Theo

Cottonmouth. Headache. Sweaty. Starving, but no real appetite.

It feels like a hangover, but I didn’t even have any fun last night. I sit up and reach for the water Ben left me, sucking down the entire glass.

Goddamn, that was a trip. At least my body waited until Ros was gone before going into fight or flight mode. And then Ben…I’m having a really hard time finding any room for regret about the fact that I kidnapped and blackmailed him into my life. Or I guess he frauded and robbed his way into mine. Either way, now that I have some kind of closure with Ros, all I can think about is how to convince him to stay. As my roommate…or as anything else. I fumble for my phone, and I’m hit with another wave of panic when I see the reminder on the screen: ‘Tabby - Soccer Game’.

In less than two hours. Fuck!

I scramble out of bed and grab a pair of sweatpants, then rush down the hall, still bleary-eyed. In the kitchen, I grab the box of Lucky Charms off the top of the fridge and turn around to get a bowl, but freeze in my tracks. Ben is stretched out on the couch, one arm tucked behind his head, Annoth snuggled under his other arm. She’s wedged between his body and the back of the couch, head resting on his chest, one hand over his heart as she watches the TV. When she hears me in the kitchen, she looks up, and I slam the cereal box onto the counter.

“What. The. Fuck?” I hiss. In a burst of shadows, she vanishes from Ben’s side and reappears in front of me, still wearing her yoga pants and tank top from the night before. Her hair is down now, messy as if she actually slept, but I don’t trust that it’s not from something else.

“Theo, I know what this appears to be, but I swear that–” she starts to tell me, her eyes wider than normal.

“I told you to leave him out of this!” I say loudly, and Ben stirs on the couch. “I told you to leave him alone!”

“Theo, listen to me!” Annoth says in a strained voice. An almost-human voice. “Nothing happened! He slept, and I watched television!”

“Don’t lie to him, Annie,” says Ben’s steady voice. He’s sitting up now, twisting his hands in front of him.

“Don’t lie to me about what?” I ask, my chest heaving as I try to figure out what they’re about to tell me. “Did you talk me down from a panic attack, then come straight out here and fuck her?” My voice rises, along with my heart rate, and I try to breathe deeply. I can’t have another attack right now. I can’t miss Tabby’s game and let her down again. Ben gets up and walks over to the kitchen, standing on the other side of the counter.

“No, Theo, that’s not what I did. I came out here and she was upset. We talked, and we danced, and…we kissed. That was it. She just didn’t want to be alone all night.”

“I promise,” Annoth says, “he is telling the truth.”

“Your promises mean nothing to me,” I spit. She actually looks hurt, but I turn to face Ben. “I have to go to my niece’s soccer game, but…I think you should be gone before I get home.”

“Theo, no!” Annoth begs. She looks so sad, I almost take it back. “I swear we did not–it was…it was my fault! Do not make him go!”

“Oh, I’m sure it was,” I sneer. “You couldn’t control me when Ros was here, so you wanted to get revenge some other way?”

“No! No! I wanted…I just…I-I do not know…”

“She just wanted to feel human, Theo!” says Ben, coming around the counter and putting a hand on Annoth’s shoulder. “She wanted to feel close to someone, just like I’ve been telling you.”

I look between them, and think about the way she’s been acting, especially this last week. She’s been quiet, almost sad, and then there’s the thing she said to me right before Ros arrived, wondering what it would be like to be loved. I didn’t think much of it yesterday, being so distracted, but now I have to ask myself–is it possible that Ben’s right? That she wants to change? That she can change? How much am I risking if I take her at her word?

“Is all that true?” I ask, and she takes a small step toward me. She’s so fucking beautiful, but that’s all part of the trick, isn’t it? Like a predator that uses an attractive lure to catch its victims. I grip the edge of the countertop hard.

“Yes,” she murmurs. “I have been…experiencing something different, during my time with you, and Ben. I do not know how to describe it, but…I do not want it to be over. Please, Theo.” She takes another small step, sliding her hand over mine, and I realize I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say ‘please’ before. She’s begging, pleading with me, and the sincerity in her voice cuts me to pieces. I want to believe her. God help me, I don’t know why, but I desperately want it to be true.

“I’m really running very late…Annie,” I mutter. She drums her fingers on my hand and smiles. “But…why don’t we all sit down and talk about this later?”

“I understand.”

“I can drive you,” Ben offers. “If…if you’re ok with that…”

He’s not the type of person to try and hide his feelings out of pride, and I can see that he’s sorry by the look on his face. How can I not forgive him, after everything he’s done for me? After I was literally just trying to imagine ways to get him to stay, how could I make him go?

“I’d appreciate it, yeah.”

His face splits into a relieved smile. “Sure. You go shower, I’ll make some quick food.” Annoth grabs the box of Lucky Charms and puts it back on top of the fridge before turning to Ben and beaming.

“You said you would teach me to make scrambled eggs.”

I rush through a shower and then impulsively decide to get rid of my beard too, since I have more time to spare with Ben driving. Being clean-shaven again is a bit weird, but it also feels like another little piece of closure. Plus, I don’t want to listen to my Dad’s commentary on it. Once I’m dressed and look relatively respectable, I go back to the bathroom for the hair pomade. I liked the way it looked when Annoth did it the day before, so I stick my head out of the bathroom to see if she would do it again. She’s standing in front of the stove holding a pan of scrambled eggs and a wooden spoon, with Ben standing behind her, his hands on her hips.

They’re both relaxed and smiling. She laughs and he kisses her on the cheek, gives her butt a light tap, and goes to the fridge. I thought I’d feel jealous, especially after what Ben admitted to me last night, after all the tension between us, but I don’t. In fact, if I had more time to open that particular can of worms, I might walk in there and squeeze myself between them, just to see what it feels like.

“Stupid,” I mutter, and go back to fixing my hair. When I’m finished, I come out to find Ben filling a few tortillas with eggs, leftover hashbrowns, shredded cheese, and salsa, then wrapping them in tinfoil. He’s finishing off the last one while Annoth stands in front of the mirror behind the front door, frowning in concentration as she changes her outfit in little puffs of shadow.

“That one, for sure,” Ben says to her, running his eyes appreciatively over the ultra-short navy tennis skirt, white sweater, tights, and thigh-high boots she’s created

“You’re not meeting my parents dressed like that,” I tell her. I’m mostly joking, but she looks slightly miffed and waves her hand again. Now, she’s wearing a black lace lingerie set that should be illegal on a body like hers.

“Would this be more appropriate?” she asks in a fake, sugary-sweet voice as heat floods my body. “Please, Theodore darling, teach me the ways of humans.” She rolls her eyes and switches back to her previous outfit, lengthening the skirt by only an inch. Ben comes out from the kitchen and playfully punches my arm.

“Hey, keep being a dick and maybe she’ll put it back on,” he says with a feral grin. “Do I have time for a quick shower?”

I nod and sit down to grab a burrito, but before I can even unwrap it, my phone starts to buzz. It’s Molly.

I answer it and immediately say, “Mol, I’m getting ready and leaving soon, I swear.”

“You’re going to be so late, Teddy! You know how long that stupid bus takes! Why the fuck did you sell your car?”

“I’ve got a ride, don’t worry.”

“What ride?”

“My uh…my new roommate.”

She laughs out loud. “The demon?”

“No, he’s a real human man,” I chuckle. “His name is Ben. You’ll get to meet him.”

“Is this…a roommate, Teddy, or like a…‘historians believe they were roommates’ situation?” Her voice is a little apprehensive. My family knows I dated men in college, before Ros, but it’s something we just don’t talk about, and I’ve certainly never brought one home before.

“Just a regular roommate, Mol, I promise.” Liar, says the voice in my head.

“Alright, well, just get your ass down here, please. Mom is driving me and Dad up a fucking wall worrying about you.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I hang up and unwrap the burrito, then shove it unceremoniously into my mouth, savoring the taste of real food that quickly clears my head from the rest of the panic-attack fog.

Just for today, maybe I can pretend like my life is somewhat normal. Like I’m not living with a demon and a complete stranger. Like I’m not thinking about how it would feel to kiss both of them–and like I’m not feeling weirdly happy for the first time in a long time…

22

Annoth

When Ben closes the bathroom door to shower, I sit at the counter beside Theo, knowing this may be my best chance. His phone begins to ring, and I wait for him to finish speaking to his sister before I clear my throat and fold my hands in my lap, trying to appear serious, but not menacing.

“May I ask you something?”

He has food in his mouth and simply mutters, “Hmm?”

“Do you believe that…we could try to trust one another?” I ask, keeping my voice matter-of-fact. He swallows, then sets the burrito down.

“What do you mean?” He turns his beautiful, limpid blue eyes to me, and they flicker down to my lips for a moment.

“I know it may be difficult for you to believe, but…I am not the same as I was. Something is different. I do not know how to explain it, but I wish to show you how I have changed. Please.”

He watches me a moment longer, his brow furrowed. “Show me…how?”

“Let me meet your family,” I say quickly. “You may tell them anything you wish–that I do not speak their language, that I am Ben’s lover and not yours, anything. Just, allow me to show you that I am trustworthy. That I can behave…normally.”

He gives a soft laugh. “I don’t know that you’ll ever be able to act normal,” he says, “but…let me talk to Ben about it, alright?”

“Thank you.” I smile and retract the elongated teeth I have been wearing in my human form. I have also fixed the ridges on my ears. When I see myself in the mirror now, I look painfully human, which does not bother me as much as I imagined it would.

When Ben has finished showering, he comes out to the living area wearing only a towel around his hips, and I cannot help but run my eyes over his body. Although I felt it last night with my shadows, it is quite different to see it on display. So many places I would like to sink my teeth into. I can sense Theo watching him too, and resist the temptation to slither inside his mind and see exactly what sinful thoughts he is having about Ben. They undoubtedly match my own, and I wonder how upset he would be if I tried to persuade him to act on those thoughts.

“Need something, Annie girl?” Ben asks with a smirk, and I unwillingly wrench my eyes away from his naked torso.

“Theo says that I may be allowed to meet his family at this children’s sporting event, but that he would like to consult with you first.”

Ben’s eyebrows shoot up, and he looks at Theo. “Did he now?”

“I did,” Theo sighs, tearing his eyes from Ben as well and glancing at me. “I guess…since she and I might be stuck like this longer than we thought, maybe it’s a good idea for her to learn how to behave. Especially if she really does want to change.”

“Sounds reasonable to me,” Ben says with a shrug, “as long as you think you can be a good girl, Annie.” He winks at me, and my body burns with need.

“I can,” I assure them both, trying to fight off a smile.

Theo runs a hand over his face and sighs loudly. “Fine. She can be out, but what’s the cover story?”

“Hmmm,” Ben muses, coming to stand between us at the counter and unwrapping a burrito. Every muscle in my body strains to reach out and touch him, to hook one of my shadows into the top of the towel and yank it off. “Well, you said she met your friend on the street the day you two kidnapped me, and the cover story was that she’s an exchange student, right?”

“Yeah, but I said that my parents are the ones hosting her.”

“Does this friend know your parents at all?”

“No, actually…she doesn’t. It would definitely be easier to just have one story to keep straight, wouldn’t it?”

“Definitely,” Ben says, then he takes a bite from the burrito and chews for a minute. “So we can just say that she’s a friend of mine from Europe, coming to check out the university for grad school. No need to make it complicated. What was the fake name you used before, Annie?”

“Annika. I heard it on the television.”

“What show?” Theo asks.

“Something about stars…like Star Wars, but–”

“Star Trek,” he laughs. “Must have been Voyager. Yeah, I know that character. It’s a perfect name for you, actually.”

“My God, you really are a nerd, aren’t you?” Ben teases, then he whips out his phone and types something in. “Annika is a Swedish, German, or Dutch name. Alright, I can work with that. Don’t worry, Annie, just pretend your English isn’t that good yet and you’re moving here to work on it, yeah?”

“Very well,” I say with a smile.

“Ok, and what’s your cover story,” Theo asks him. “I can’t tell my very Catholic parents…well, the truth.”

“Thou shalt not tell lies, Saint Theo,” says Ben in a playful tone.

“Oh, is that what we’re doing now? Quoting scripture? ‘Cause if so, I have a few notes for you.”

“You can give me a performance review on the way to the car, osito,” Ben says, heading down the hall toward the office. “I’ll come up with something. Cover stories are my specialty.”

“Please don’t make me look up that word,” Theo calls after him.

“Teddy bear!” Ben laughs before closing the door. I watch Theo’s face morph into a broad smile and his cheeks redden slightly. He does seem lighter now, even after our confrontation this morning. Perhaps seeing Ros was beneficial.

Before Ben fell asleep the night before, he told me what he said to Theo, about caring for him and wanting to be around him. He was uncertain if Theo felt the same way, but I have been able to see the truth since the day we brought Ben back to the apartment. Theo’s face when he saw Ben and I on the couch this morning was not angry, it was hurt. I may not be able to fully experience human emotions, but I can certainly read them. Theo feels something for Ben, although I am not sure if he even knows what it is. In this, Theo and I are the same. I had imagined I might wake up and be disgusted with myself for allowing a human so close, but all I felt this morning was a desperate desire for Theo to trust me, and a desperate desire to stay close to both of them.

When Ben emerges from the office, he is wearing jeans and a dark red button-up shirt under his leather jacket. Theo looks him up and down and swallows.

“Keeping the earring in?” he asks as we leave the apartment together and he pauses to lock the door.

“Oh, don’t worry so much,” Ben replies. “My poll numbers with white Catholic housewives are extremely high.”

“Hey, Bethany Keating is not, and has never been, a housewife,” Theo retorts.

Ben just laughs. “You should probably tell us a bit about your family, actually, so I know which of my many charming and delightful personalities to use.”

“Alright, yeah,” Theo sighs, walking behind Ben and me down the stairs. “My dad, John, he’s the strong, silent type–worked for the State Department doing super classified stuff for a long time. He’s a good guy, but he’s old school, very Catholic. My grandparents brought him over here from Belfast in the 70s when he was little, after a car bomb went off on their street.”

“Yikes,” says Ben, but I do not have time to ask what Theo is referring to before he continues.

“My mom grew up in San Francisco. Her parents were kind of…reformed hippies who owned a laundromat right near Haight-Ashbury. Mom and Dad won’t give me any details, but they met in their 20s when my mom was involved with a lot of social activism. She converted so they could get married, but…she’s still kinda hippie-dippy and would definitely body slam a cop, especially to protect her students. She teaches math at the same middle school I went to.”

Ben nods slowly. “Bit more interesting than I gave you credit for, osito,” he says, linking his arm through mine as we start down the sidewalk outside. “What about your sister?”

“Molly. She’s a single mom, five kids. Tabby’s the oldest, almost twelve. Mol works for the state health department or something and teaches martial arts on the side. She’s utterly terrifying, and she’s also my best friend.”

“Got it,” Ben says, then begins asking Theo questions about his hometown. I do not fully understand everything Theo has told us about his family, but I do know that I want to do the right thing. The trouble is, I am not certain what the right thing is. For this, I may need to rely on Ben, who looks at me and smiles every few minutes as we walk to where his vehicle is parked. When we reach it, Theo stops and laughs out loud.

“You know, I think I finally realized why your car looks so familiar to me,” he says.

“Why’s that?” Ben asks, fishing in his jacket for the keys.

“It’s a Chevy Impala, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, 1967. It’s actually my brother’s, but he travels a lot, so he left it with me. What’s the deal?”

“You…you’ve never watched Supernatural, have you?” Theo asks. He slides into the passenger seat and I get into the back, then Ben turns the keys and the old car rumbles to life.

“Can’t say that I have,” he answers.

“Well…then I don’t really have any words to describe to you how funny and ironic this is,” Theo says. “Yet another show I’ll have to make you watch.”

“Sounds like my sentence has been extended,” Ben replies with a grin. Theo takes a few minutes to guide him in the right direction, then takes a deep breath and anxiously pushes his hair back.

“On a more serious note,” he mutters, “I…I need to ask you something.”

Ben looks over at him with a frown. “What’s that?”

“Well, I’ve told you…a lot of stuff over the past few weeks. Personal stuff. I just feel like, before I take you around my family, I need to know why you were…laicized.”

I tense up, but Ben actually laughs. “I’ve been living in your house for two weeks and you haven’t looked me up online?”

“I mean…” Theo stammers. “I did…look up your criminal record and the sex offender registry, but…”

“Do you really need to know?” Ben asks, his voice heavier than I have ever heard it.

“I just…maybe it’s…something you should tell me…”

“Look, it’s obviously not a topic I love talking about. Is it enough for me to tell you that I didn’t do anything illegal, I didn’t hurt anyone, and that it was more of a…forced resignation?”

Theo’s face is a battleground of wariness and stifled affection. “Fine,” he sighs at last. “I guess that’s enough.”

“Feel free to search my name if you don’t believe me,” Ben says tersely.

“I…I believe you,” Theo tells him. “I trust you.” I can tell that those words mean something to Ben, and I wonder what I must do to get Theo to trust me too. Gaining their trust is the only way I might be able to save them.

In all my centuries of existence, I have only ever been told that humanity is sinful–that even those who are not evil or corrupt are, at the very least, selfish, irresponsible, and arrogant. I was taught that their flaws make them irredeemable, and this is why our towers are constantly teeming with damned souls. I was taught that, for humans, Heaven is unattainable and Hell is inevitable, and that the Almighty designed it this way because it is no less than humanity deserves.

But…this has not been my experience. These two very human men have many flaws, but they are still kind, gentle, patient, and selfless. The thought of Theo or Ben facing the horrific punishments of Hell, facing my brethren, fills me with immeasurable dread. I do not know if there is anything I can do to spare them from this fate, but I know I must try. But in order to do this, they must trust me. Both of them.

23

Theo

Once we hit the city limits, Ben turns on the little Bluetooth speaker attached to the dashboard, hands me his phone, and tells me to find some music. Annoth scoots forward and watches over my shoulder.

“Sorry, he doesn’t have any ‘screams of the damned’ on here,” I tell her, glancing back and grinning. She rolls her eyes, but returns the smile, and I wonder if we’re making a little progress.

“There’s some screaming on there if you scroll far enough,” Ben says, then I stop and hold the phone up, having found an entire playlist labeled ‘Hillbilly Bullshit’.

“I knew you secretly liked country!” I say triumphantly.

“I made that for you, actually,” Ben laughs and I nearly drop the phone. “How’d I do?”

“Uh…” I’m speechless for a moment as I scroll through the playlist. Some of my favorite songs are on here, mostly older stuff. Am I that predictable and transparent? Has he been going through my phone? Has he been paying attention to the music I play when I’m in the shower? “This is…really great, actually. I’m somewhat impressed. Thank you.”

“Well,” Ben says as he pulls into a gas station, “you don’t grow up where I did without appreciating at least a little country. The good stuff, anyway. You two need anything from inside?”

I shake my head, but Annoth seems eager to go in with him, and she hops out of the car smiling. Ever so patiently, Ben shows her how to pump gas, then they go in and I pull my own phone out.

The curiosity has been eating away at me, so I type in several variations of Ben’s name until I find something. It’s a clip from a local news station, posted last June, so almost a year and a half ago. I glance at the gas station entrance, then click on it. It appears to be some kind of interview, and Ben looks very different. Clean-cut, with no stubble, shorter hair, and no silver hoop in his ear. He’s wearing a bright purple button-down shirt covered in pink and blue flamingos, but no clerical collar. Behind him are a group of young people, maybe teenagers, working on some kind of large project involving a lot of rainbows.

The newscaster standing beside him in the shot says, “Ben de la Cruz, who has volunteered here at the Found Family Shelter for three years as a counselor and mentor, says that he is thrilled for the city’s homeless LGBTQ+ youth to be able to participate in their very first Pride Parade.”

“Yeah, thrilled, absolutely,” Ben says into the microphone, his dimples on full display as he grins. “These kids deserve to be celebrated and to know that their community is out there to support them no matter what they’re going through.”

“And for anyone who can’t be at the parade, but wants to show their support,” the newscaster says, “what can they do?”

“Well, donations to the shelter are always appreciated,” Ben says, “but honestly, just being visible and being proud. I’m here, as a bisexual man, so these kids can see that being in a difficult place now doesn’t mean they’ll always be there, and that they all have great futures ahead of them. Seeing queer adults thrive and be happy as themselves, that’s a great way to support them. So, if you can, come on down to the parade this afternoon and show these kids some love!” Before the newscaster can reply, I close the video and put a hand over my mouth.

“Goddamnit. I can’t believe I did that. I’m such a fucking idiot.” How do I even approach him about this? Does he want to talk about it, or is it one of those things where he knows that I know but I don’t need to tell him I know? Before I can make a decision, he and Annoth come out of the gas station. She’s carrying one of those horrible roller-cooked hot dogs and a bag of Skittles, looking at Ben like he’s a knight in shining armor. They get into the car, and I suddenly feel awkward. All I can think about is the video, about how earnest and relaxed he was before his life got turned upside down.

“Theo,” says Annoth as she scoots across the back seat, “have you ever eaten one of these?” She shows me the shriveled, overcooked hot dog and I pretend to gag.

“No, I’ve never been that desperate for food.”

“I told her it tastes like the charred flesh of sinners, and you’d think she was a kid on Christmas morning,” Ben jokes as he picks a song from the Hillbilly Bullshit playlist and starts the car. We pull out of the gas station and get back on the road, but I don’t speak. I don’t know if I trust myself not to say something stupid. Annoth quickly scarfs down the entire hot dog, then pours half the bag of Skittles directly into her mouth and lets out a loud, delighted groan. After a few minutes of Ben singing off-key and playing drums on the steering wheel, I can’t stand it anymore. I need to talk to him before we get to the soccer game.

“I watched the video,” I say loudly, and he glances at me, then slowly turns the music down. I just keep talking like an idiot. “The news interview, of you…about the Pride Parade, and I’m so sorry, Ben. I can’t believe they laicized you just for coming out publicly like that. It’s insane and–”

“That interview isn’t why they made me leave,” Ben says, running a hand through his hair.

“If you don’t want to talk about–”

“No, it’s fine,” he sighs. “Since you’ve seen the video now, I guess I should explain. Just…promise you won’t think badly of me, alright?” My heart clenches and I have to fight the urge to reach over and grab his hand.

“I don’t think I could if I tried,” I tell him softly. He doesn’t look at me, but I see the corner of his mouth twitch as he starts to speak.

“I volunteered at Found Family for a couple years before that, but it was always on my own time. It had nothing to do with the church, and only a few people there even knew I was a priest. But last year, it was their first time doing the parade. The news station came around to interview people and kinda caught me off guard. I didn’t want them to think I was being cagey about volunteering with kids, and I didn’t think anyone would see it, or that anyone would really care, as long as I was still doing my job. But…I fucked up. The next day, my bishop came to talk to me about it, and he showed up at my front door first thing in the morning…right as Niko was leaving.”

“Niko?”

“The director of Found Family. He and I had been friends for a long time, but that day…it was the first time I’d really been out, you know, in public. It was emotional for me, and for the kids, and it was a good day. But then afterwards, Niko and I went out and had some drinks, and…well…”

“Oh…” I say quietly.

“It was so stupid,” Ben says. “I was so stupid. I made promises to the church and I broke them, and that will always be on me. They asked me to resign because, if they laicized me so soon after I came out on TV, it would look bad for them. But they also didn’t want to publicly ‘shame’ me by telling everyone that the interview wasn’t the real reason. It was supposed to be a win-win…especially for my family.”

He stops talking, and I look back at Annoth, who has finally managed to swallow the mouthful of Skittles. I swear, she looks like she’s about to cry.

“What did your family do?” she asks in a whisper, reaching up and gripping Ben’s shoulder.

“We don’t have to talk about that part,” he says stiffly.

“We can if you want to,” says Annoth, her voice gentle. “I-I may not understand, but Theo–”

“I don’t want to,” Ben says, and I shake my head at her. She sits back in the seat and pours a few more Skittles into her palm, then lights each one on fire and pops them in her mouth, glaring out the window as we pull into the clean-cut, brand-new suburban soccer complex.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I should’ve waited until later…”

“Well, at least now you know I’m safe to bring around your family,” he snaps, then gets out of the car and goes into the men’s restroom building nearby.

“I’m so fucking stupid,” I groan, dropping my head back and covering my face with my hands.

“I will not disagree,” Annoth says lightly, “but…Ben will forgive you. If he can see past my shadows, he can see past your stupidity.”

“Thanks…I guess.” We get out of the car and I wait anxiously for Ben while Annoth stands behind me, studying the map of the soccer complex. When he comes back out, smiling casually, I can tell he’s putting on a front. He walks up and puts his hands on my shoulders, standing so close that I’m enveloped by the warm, subtle scene of Old Spice.

“We aren’t going to talk about it now,” he tells me firmly. “We’re going to get you through this soccer game, and then we’ll talk about it another time, and I’ll tell you everything. Both of you. I promise.”

I take a deep breath as his eyes flicker around my face. Suddenly, I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to see my family right now. Not because of the video, but because of Ben. I want to put my arms around him and apologize—for doubting him, for being cruel to him, for the church, for people, for everything. I just want to go somewhere, be alone with him, and find out how the hell he has this kind of strength, because I’ve never met anyone like him. I’ve never met anyone so unfailingly optimistic and gentle and open-hearted, and I just want to understand.

But all I can say is, “It’s a deal.”

Annoth comes over and links her arm through Ben’s, giving him a dazzling smile that he returns. We walk up the little hill together, and stop to survey the small crowd around the soccer field. There, in the middle, is Molly, standing next to my mom, while Dad chases Molly’s 4-year-old twin girls, Trinity and Taryn, around in the grass behind them. Her other two kids, 9-year-old Thomas and 7-year-old Tucker, must be at the playground nearby. Mol is carefully working Tabby’s dirty blonde hair into a ponytail. Before she can secure it, Tabby spots me and squeals, then tears across the field, cleats throwing up clots of grass in her wake.

24

Annoth

“Uncle Teddy! You’re here!” the young girl cries, launching herself into Theo’s arms from an impressive distance. He spins her around, then pulls her into a tight hug.

“Hey, Tabs,” he murmurs. “I’m here.”

Two women approach us, both of whom I recognize from the photographs in Theo’s apartment. His mother, Bethany, with her straight brown hair streaked through with gray and face the same shape as Theo’s. They share a smile too. Molly is tiny—shorter than I imagined her to be—but looks fierce. Her brown hair is shorter now than in most of her photographs, hanging in loose curls to her chin, and she wears a spectacular frown. Two identical little girls with messy, dark blonde pigtails bounce over to us as well, followed by a tall, broad-chested man with neat silver hair and a deeply-lined face. I am not easily intimidated, but John Keating seems like the type of man who could see straight through me, and I tense up. Ben squeezes my arm. I want to take his hand, but I remember that we are supposed to be only friends and not lovers.

“The prodigal son returns,” says Molly, pulling Theo into a one-armed hug while she tries to wrangle one of the small girls with the other hand.

“You look like you’ve been sleeping on the streets, Teddy, honestly,” says Theo’s mother, reaching up to touch his hair.

“Oh, he looks fine,” says John quietly. I notice he only shakes Theo’s hand, rather than embracing, and imagine this might be what Theo meant by ‘old-school’.

“Tired, though, and underfed,” Bethany continues. “Do not tell me that my son stopped cooking and sleeping as soon as his girlfriend left.”

“Beth,” says John, giving a small shake of his head. She shrugs and wraps her arms around Theo.

“I’m fine, Mom,” he assures her. “Just…working through it on my own, you know?”

“Got a new job yet?” John asks, and Molly smacks his arm. I like her already.

“Daddy! Give him a break!”

“Nah, I haven’t found one yet,” Theo tells his father, swinging one of the little girls up into his arms and flipping her upside down. “Figured I’d take some time and see what it feels like to be you: retired and bored.” John smiles at this and picks up the other girl, flipping her too until both children are giggling madly.

“Teddy,” says Molly with a pointed look at me and Ben. I can tell he is anxious about introducing us, and Ben grips my arm again, reminding me to smile and act human.

Theo runs a hand anxiously through his hair. “Ah, yeah. Family, this is Ben. I had to get a roommate after Ros moved out, and he was also nice enough to give me a ride today so I wouldn’t miss Tabby’s game.” John takes a step forward and puts his hand out. Without hesitation, Ben shakes it and gives him a winning smile.

“Ben de la Cruz. It’s so nice to meet the people Theo’s always talking about,” he says in a much more formal voice than he normally uses. “This is my good friend, Annika. She’s here from Sweden checking out the university for grad school.”

“Hello,” I say quietly.

“Well, it’s very nice to meet both of you,” Bethany says, putting her hand out too. Ben takes it and actually kisses it, causing her to turn an impressive shade of scarlet. John merely raises an eyebrow. Uncertain if this is standard human behavior or not, I just continue to smile sweetly at everyone.

“I’ve gotta go play now, Uncle Teddy!” Tabby cheers. “Are you and your friends gonna watch the whole game?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he tells her. “Go kick some ass!”

“Theodore!” Bethany snaps, but then she turns her attention back to me and Ben. “So, how do you and Teddy know each other?”

“Mutual friends,” Ben tells her. “My old roommate finally got married, so I had to move, and Theo’s friends hooked us up.”

“How convenient!” Bethany says as we all walk back toward the field. “And what do you do for work, Ben?” Theo becomes tense as he waits for the answer. We did not discuss this part of our ruse, but as usual, Ben has a story ready.

“I work with nonprofits and youth camps doing some counseling, and some sports coaching,” he says. The ease with which he lies appears to unsettle Theo, who clears his throat and looks away.

“Oh, how wonderful!” Bethany exclaims. “And Annika, what are you planning to study here?” My body trembles slightly, but I stick to the script Ben gave me earlier when we were in the gas station.

“Languages,” I tell her in my false accent. “I hope to teach English back at home someday.” That answer satisfies Bethany, who chatters to both of us for a while about her own teaching job while Theo moves over to talk to his sister. Ben takes the lead on the conversation, allowing me some respite, and I try to figure out what is happening on the field.

Most of the children do not appear particularly skilled at the game, but they are enjoying it, laughing and joking with their teammates and even their opponents. I look around at the families gathered on the sidelines and see people of all shapes, sizes, and colors, talking together and enjoying each other’s company. Parents assist one another with their children, older siblings supervise younger ones, people share food and drinks with neighbors, or help elderly family members find a shady place to sit. Across the field, two girls throw a stick for a large golden dog, who licks their faces and bowls them over in its enthusiasm.

I turn my face up toward the mid-morning sun and close my eyes, listening to the happy, excited voices, and the calls of the birds in the trees. I do not even notice that my breathing has changed until Ben pulls me away slightly, and we walk back toward the car.

“I cannot go too far from Theo,” I remind him.

“I know, don’t worry, but you seemed upset,” Ben says softly. “Everything alright?” He steers me behind the restroom building and I lean against the wall.

“I cannot do this,” I tell him, my voice shaking.

“Why? What is it?”

“Everything…” I murmur, “everything I have ever been taught. Everything I have ever known…it was a lie.”

“Everything about humans?”

“Humans, and your world, and sin!” I say, then try to lower my voice. “This place is wonderful, Ben! These people are wonderful! You are wonderful! And I…I cannot understand it! If everything here is so…good, then why…why do I even exist? Why does my world exist? What am I?”

To my surprise and annoyance, Ben lets out a soft chuckle and puts his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him. I rest my head against his neck and breathe in his scent.

“Annie, mi amor, this isn’t what the real world is like,” he says gently. “This is clean, safe, suburban, middle-class America. I…I’m not sure how I can really explain it, but this…this isn’t reality. The world really can be as awful and dark as they told you, and humans are the ones who make it that way. I’m sure most of the souls you tormented with flaming whips or whatever probably deserved it.”

I sigh loudly and bury my face into the spot between his neck and shoulder, wrapping my arms around his back. “And what about you?”

“Oh, no, I really am this wonderful all the time,” he laughs, pulling away and grinning, then kissing me lightly on the nose. “And if it prevents you from having some sort of demonic existential crisis, I’ll show you all the true crime channels when we get home, alright?”

“Thank you,” I murmur. “How do you think Theo is feeling? He seems to be doing better.”

“He just needs to face it head-on,” Ben says. “Get through it, and then the three of us can sit down and…try to figure out what the fuck is going on here.”

“What if…what if I do not want to go back…to the Seventh Tower?” I say quietly. “What if I want to stay here? With you?”

“Well,” Ben says, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, “I did promise myself to you, body and soul, if we can get you and Theo separated.”

“And if we cannot?”

“I’m not sure.”

“If I do not complete my mission, I could be recalled,” I whisper, and my body floods with something that might be fear.

“I won’t let that happen,” Ben murmurs, “and if they do take you, I’ll come down there and get you back. I’m keeping you, Annie, come Hell or high water.”

“What does that mean?” I ask with a laugh, but before he can explain, his phone makes a noise and he pulls it from his pocket.

“Theo’s asking why we threw him to the wolves and vanished,” he chuckles. “Better go rescue him. Come on, sweet Annie.” He kisses my hand and leads me back toward the soccer field. Theo watches us and I sense an increase in his anxiety through our connection.

“What’s going on?” he asks Ben quietly while his family is distracted by the game.

“Annie was just having her own little panic attack over how nice and perfect your family is,” Ben explains with a grin. “I told her we’d make up for it by letting her watch Dateline or Snapped when we get home.”

“Not Snapped,” Theo says vehemently, looking alarmed. I smile at him and his expression softens, then Ben puts his hand on Theo’s shoulder.

“She’s actually doing well, and your family is great, osito. Very wholesome. Although I’m almost positive your dad has killed people with his bare hands.” Theo laughs at this and begins quietly telling Ben a story about his parents. I cannot help thinking about what Ben said, that he would come after me if I were recalled. It is nonsense, of course, but the fact that he said it—the fact that he might care for me enough to face all the unknown horrors of Hell—I do not know how I could deserve it, or him.

Shortly, Theo’s two nephews, Thomas and Tucker, appear on the sidelines with their own soccer ball. Once we have all been introduced, Ben challenges them to a game, and they take him to an empty field nearby, where he removes his leather jacket and attempts to defend the goal against their attacks. The twin girls, Trinity and Taryn, decide they would like to play too, and Ben quickly becomes overwhelmed by the little tyrants, but he never stops smiling. A small bloom of warmth expands in my chest as I watch the four of them run him down and knock him into the grass, then pile on top, screeching like imps.

“I do not think they are playing by the same rules,” I tell Theo, nodding to the field where Tabitha is still playing.

“They definitely aren’t,” he chuckles.

“What exactly are the rules? I would like to learn.”

“Uh…well, you can’t touch the ball with your hands, and you can’t…intentionally hurt people. There’s more, but I can’t remember everything.”

“And the losing team is sacrificed?”

“What?” Theo laughs, even though my question is serious. “Sacrificed?”

I furrow my brow, trying to tell if he is mocking me, but it seems he is not, and I let out a loud sigh. “I was told…many things that are not true about humanity, about your world.”

“Is that why you’re trying something new?” he asks quietly. “Because you realized that we aren’t all deserving of eternal torment and Hellfire?” I look up at him, and the strange heat of our connection jumps between our bodies. At least, I imagined it was our connection, but now I realize that it is similar to what I feel with Ben, and my confusion only deepens.

“Perhaps,” I murmur. “Perhaps I am still…working things out, and I do not wish to do anything that could make me regretful. I am told it is not a pleasant sensation.”

He watches me closely for a moment, then looks back to where Ben is playing with the children and says, “‘Hell is yourself, and the only redemption is when a person puts himself aside to feel deeply for another person’.”

“Is this a quote from your…holy scriptures?” I ask with a grimace.

“No,” Theo snorts. “It’s Tennessee Williams. He uh…he was a writer.”

“You will have to explain it to me later,” I say, since his mother is calling us back over to the sidelines of Tabitha’s game, which is nearly over.

“I will,” Theo promises.

25

Theo

While Mom interrogates Ben and ‘Annika’, I go stand next to Molly on the sidelines and watch Tabby get into a huddle with her teammates.

“You seem better,” Molly says quietly. I look down and realize that she doesn’t look better than the last time I saw her. She looks exhausted, and guilt threatens to drag me down again. Normally, I’m there to help her out. Driving the kids to games or practices, taking the boys fishing with Dad while Mom takes the twins, just so Molly can spend time with Tabby. I’ve been letting them all down.

“I’m sorry, Mol,” I say in barely more than a whisper. “I haven’t been there for you lately.”

She toys with her necklace and watches the game start. “You’ve had a lot going on,” is all she says.

Understatement of the century. I glance over at Ben, who’s speaking animatedly to my parents, and Annoth, who’s observing the game with a rather quizzical look on her face.

“Yeah, but you and the kids…you’re more important than my drama,” I tell Molly.

“Have you talked to Ros at all? Vi told me about her new job and her new place…”

“She came by yesterday, actually, to get the cats.”

“And?”

“We didn’t talk about it. She’s set on her path and…I’m set on mine. No reason for hard feelings.” I shrug, but Molly reaches up and puts her hand on the tattoo covering my upper arm.

“Teddy,” she says gently, but I shrug away from her.

“I promise I’m alright, Mol. Just need to start the moving on process.”

“Yes, how’s that going?” she asks, raising her eyebrows and glancing at Ben. He’s actually making my Dad laugh now. A miracle, honestly.

“It’s not like that,” I say, a little too quickly.

Her eyebrows go higher. “That’s what you said about Jared Isaacson in high school.”

I can’t help but laugh, because I think she’s right. “Well, this time I mean it.”

“If you say so,” she says with a smirk, then turns back to the game and calls out to Tabby. I join in, and pretty soon we’re the two most obnoxious people on the sidelines, doing the stupid cheers we made up when Tabby first started soccer at age five.

After a while, I look back to see Ben and Annoth walking toward the car. Slightly concerned, I start to go after them, but Mom waylays me and hands me a bottle of water.

“I’m just so happy you’re here, Teddy,” she says in a voice that quivers with emotion.

“Me too, Mom. How’s everything at school?” I ask, keeping my eye on Ben and Annoth before they vanish behind the bathroom building.

“Oh, it’s the same as always,” she tells me, clearly excited that I’m asking. “We’d love to have you back at Sunday Mass and lunch, sweetheart.”

“Yes,” says Dad, who’s sitting in a folding chair with both twins while they watch a show on his phone. “It’s important, Teddy, and I know you aren’t getting to Mass down there in the city.”

He raises an eyebrow at me, and I have to fight back a shudder as I imagine his reaction if I told him I can’t even enter a church right now.

“I’ll definitely be there sometime soon,” I reply, then pull my phone out to text Ben. The last thing I need is for Annoth to go too far away and get pulled back into my body while I’m standing next to my parents.

The two of them reappear and come back up to the sidelines, but I swear I feel something weird through the connection Annoth and I share. It’s almost like fear, slowly seeping into my body, like there’s a crack somewhere in a dam, allowing a trickle of water through. I try to block it out, but when Ben explains what happened, I wonder if she really is changing–if I should try giving her the benefit of the doubt, the way I’ve done with Ben these past two weeks.

Toward the end of the game, while Ben is still keeping Molly’s four youngest kids occupied on the empty field beside us, Mom walks over and hugs me tightly. I wrap an arm around her shoulders and squeeze. It’s been too long, and I didn’t even realize how much I’d really missed my family. They might stress me out sometimes, but I know they love me.

“Teddy, I hope you’ll bring Ben over on Sunday sometime too,” Mom says once she lets go. “So good for you to have a nice Catholic roommate.” She taps the little gold saint medallion hanging around her own neck and I realize she must have seen his Saint Jude.

“Uh…maybe. He might have his own plans though.”

“Yeah, like volunteering at a homeless shelter or something,” says Molly, raising an eyebrow at me. I’m taking a sip of water and almost snort it out my nose. Oh shit. She must have looked him up after he said his full name earlier. Luckily, Mom and Dad don’t seem to catch her comment. I know Molly would never out him, but now I’ll definitely have to tell her some version of the truth sooner or later. I wonder if she found anything connecting him to the priesthood.

“I’ll…I’ll ask him,” I mutter.

“What are you all doing for lunch?” Mom asks. “We’re taking Molly and the kids out.”

“He has a job interview, Mom, didn’t he tell you?” says Molly, clearly trying to rescue me.

“On a Saturday?” Mom asks, looking skeptical.

Luckily, Molly is a quick thinker. “It’s one of those new startups, right, Teddy? You know how they are. Always on the clock.”

“No respect for the five day work week anymore,” Dad grumbles, rolling his eyes. “Don’t they know people fought and–”

“Oh, John,” Mom interrupts. “Well, that’s wonderful, sweetheart! Of course, you get back and have your interview. Let us know how it goes.”

We all turn as a shout erupts from across the park. Ben is running around the goal on the other pitch, crying for help and trying to dodge the four small children, who almost have him cornered inside the net. Mom and Dad move away to grab them and get them ready to leave, but Molly comes to stand beside me and folds her arms.

“Thank God one of us learned how to lie,” I say quietly.

“You owe me big time.”

“I’ll take all five of them out for ice cream,” I promise, and I know I have to ask her before it’s too late. “So…you looked Ben up. What exactly did you find?”

“The Pride parade interview,” she says, then takes her phone out and holds it up, “and this.” It’s a brief local news article about Ben resigning from the priesthood, posted just a few weeks after the interview, along with a photo of him in liturgical robes. The reason for his resignation isn’t mentioned, but Molly opens the comment section to show me. There’s almost a hundred of them, every single one about how wonderful ‘Father Ben’ is and how much he’ll be missed.

“You’d better be glad neither of them knows how to use the internet,” Molly says, motioning to our parents as she puts her phone away. “I’d never say anything though, so don’t worry.”

“Thanks, Mol.”

“Teddy, just…promise me you won’t let your fear of what people think get in the way of being happy, alright? You deserve to be happy.”

“Molly, I swear, it’s not—” The denial dies in my throat as we watch Ben try to fend off Tucker’s last ditch attempt at a goal. All I can do is sigh, “I promise…”

“He’s sweet,” Molly murmurs. “He reminds me of Gabe.”

“Yeah, he does,” I reply, and we both fall silent. Tabby’s game ends a minute later and she races over to us, flushed with her team’s victory.

“Hey, great game, Tabs!” I tell her as she jumps back into my arms.

“Are you coming to lunch after Mass tomorrow, Uncle Teddy?” she asks. “I want to show you my school project! It’s a diorama about arctic foxes!”

“I’m not sure about tomorrow, but I promise I’ll be there sometime very soon.” I pretend to drop her and then hoist her back up several times while she laughs. It’s an effort, and I realize I need to get back to the gym. Ben limps back over to us, dark curls sticking to his forehead with sweat. I hug all the kids, then the three of us say goodbye to my parents and Molly in the parking lot. Once Ben, Annoth, and I get back into his car, he pulls his shirt up and slaps his stomach.

“Whoo, I’m outta shape,” he pants. “Theo, maybe you need to start cooking so I don’t eat as much.”

I want to assure him that his body is anything but out of shape, but just give him a withering look instead. “I can cook just fine, thank you.”

“That sounds like an offer, doesn’t it, Annie girl?” Ben says with a smirk. It appears I’ve been reverse psyched into making dinner.

“As long as you make it spicy,” Annoth replies.

“Fair enough,” I laugh, but then we start to drive and a strange heaviness washes over me. “But I don’t want to go home yet…if that’s ok.”

Ben exchanges a glance with Annoth. “You’re the boss.” He takes a left out of the parking lot and drives us in the opposite direction of the city.

“Where are we going?” I ask tentatively after a few minutes with only Ben’s music playing.

“You trust me, right?” he says, and I can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Do you trust me enough to tell me about Molly too?”

My body goes completely still. “What…about her?”

“About why you told us that she’s a single mom, but she wears that Patron Saint of Widows…”

The silence in the car is deafening. I can’t believe I was dumb enough to think Ben wouldn’t notice Molly’s necklace, or that he wouldn’t ask about it. It’s the topic I’ve been avoiding for weeks in all our little ‘counseling’ sessions, so I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I answer.

“Gabe,” I murmur. “His name was Gabe.”

“Tell me about him,” Ben says gently.

“He was like…the older brother I never had. My dad is great, but you saw how he is. All stoic and detached. Gabe was…everything. I swear, he was a literal angel.” In the backseat, Annoth snorts softly and Ben throws her a dirty look. I keep going, knowing that if I stop now, I won’t be able to talk about him at all. “Molly met him when she was nineteen and, much to my parents’ displeasure, got pregnant with Tabby just a couple months after. She and Gabe got married not long after that. I was still in high school and having a bit of a hard time, so I really just attached myself to Gabe. I looked up to him so much. He was kind and generous, smart, patient, fun, an amazing father and husband—everything I wanted to be.”

“Everything you wanted to be?”

“Gabe’s death…it’s part of the reason Ros and I broke up,” I explain, looking out the window as we leave the suburbs and start to climb up into the piney hills. “It was a little over two years ago. Tabby was hanging out with me and Ros for the day, and the twins were with Mom and Dad. Molly and Gabe took the boys to the beach, and they each had a couple friends with them. Thomas and two other little boys, they got caught in a nasty rip tide and pulled out. Molly said that Gabe didn’t even hesitate. He jumped in and somehow got out to them, without even thinking about it. Luckily, they’d all had swim lessons, and they were wearing floaties, but…there were no lifeguards, and the currents and rip tide were so bad that the beach patrol couldn’t get to them quick enough. Gabe…just wore himself out trying to keep them afloat and calm. The boys all survived, and…I’m the one who had to break the news to Tabby.” I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder and look back to see Annoth, her black eyes wide and shining. On instinct, I reach over and take her hand.

“God, I’m so sorry, Theo,” says Ben. “I can’t even imagine what that was like. How did it affect what you and Ros had?”

“Before Gabe died, Ros and I both wanted to have kids someday,” I tell him. “We’d talked about it plenty of times, never changed our minds. But…after that, I realized I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t imagine having to make that kind of choice. Save my own kid or someone else’s? Save myself, because my family needs me, or save someone else’s kid? Save my own kid but not myself, leaving my wife alone? Just thinking about the idea of having kids sent me into full-blown panic attacks. I did some therapy, and that helped with the panic attacks, but it didn’t change how I felt. It was just one of those things that…I wanted, but I’d never really thought about why I wanted it, or what the real implications were, you know? I love Tabby, I love all Molly’s kids, and I wanted to have a family with Ros, but…I had never actually considered the reality of it.”

“I understand,” Ben murmurs.

“So…I told Ros that I’d changed my mind, that I couldn’t give her what she wanted anymore. There’s no room to compromise when it comes to something like that. I didn’t want her to give it up just for me and then just be buried in resentment down the road.”

“That was the bravest thing you could’ve done,” Ben tells me, his voice quiet with sincerity. “I can’t imagine what kind of strength it took, but you saved a lot of people a lot of pain by being honest about what you wanted. That’s…not an easy thing.”

I look over at him and the only words I can find are, “Thank you.”

I have no idea where we are now. Some backroad up in the hills. Ben rolls down his window, so I put mine down too. It feels cheesy to close my eyes and let the wind ruffle my hair, but I do it anyway. It’s been so long since I talked about Gabe to anyone except Molly, and I realize that it felt good–to remember him, to explain to someone else how much I admired him. I feel lighter now. Lighter than I have since the day he died. I want to hold onto this feeling.

Eventually, we hit a winding dirt road and end up at what seems to be an old scenic overlook. Ben backs the car up to the cliff, then gets out and walks around to open my door.

“Come on,” he says. “You need my version of therapy.” I take his hand, and he pulls me out of the car, then helps Annoth out too.

“Is this where you and the Greasers used to smoke Lucky Strikes and comb your hair and do choreographed musical numbers?” I ask.

Ben snorts, “Hey, it was the Sharks, not the Greasers. Get it right.” He opens the trunk and pulls out a cigar and a large flask, then we all perch on the back of the car with our feet up on the bumper. This view of the city and surrounding suburbs is beautiful, and it’s quiet here beneath the shade of the tall pines, no one else around. Ben hands me the flask and I take a sip. Straight, cheap tequila. Not sure what else I expected, and I make a face while he unwraps the cigar.

“What is this?” Annoth asks.

Ben takes her hand and places it on his thigh. “Can I get a light, mi amor?” he asks with an impish smile. A small blue flame appears in her upturned palm as she returns his grin. Ben lights the cigar and hands it to me.

“Gross,” I laugh, but take it anyway. The burning of the smoke in my mouth helps fend off the rising tide of emotions. I pass it to Annie, and she takes it, then blows out a large smoke ring that takes on the shape of a snake and slithers around Ben’s wrist. The silence between us isn’t deafening or awkward or heavy now. It feels natural as we all sit, looking out over the trees and the city. However, after a few more silent minutes, and a several more sips of tequila, there’s a new question burning a hole in my tongue, and I turn to Ben.

“Can I ask you something…a bit personal?”

“I am, unfortunately, an open book,” he replies.

“When did you…” I stop, take a deep breath, and try again. “When did you first realize…that you were bi?” He takes another sip from the flask, then sets it behind him before answering.

“I was…maybe fourteen or fifteen. My older sister brought a boyfriend home, and I realized I was just as interested in him as I was in the girls at my school. What about you?”

My foot slides off the bumper and I accidentally punch myself in the face. “I-I didn’t tell you…” I stutter. “Is…is it that obvious?”

“The drool hanging from your mouth when I came out of the shower that first night clued me in,” Ben says with a smirk, “but…I wasn’t sure if you even knew yet.”

I take another deep breath and let it out as a long, low laugh. “Yeah…I guess that’s fair. Well, when I was sixteen, I joined the lacrosse team, and–”

“Oh no,” groans Ben, leaning back on his hands. “He’s a jock too!”

“What is a jock?” Annoth asks.

“It’s a self-important idiot who thinks he’s God’s gift to the world because he can catch a ball or swing a bat,” Ben laughs.

“Hey!” I cry, grinning in spite of myself. “I am a recovering jock, thank you! Anyway, I joined the team and figured out that I…really liked being in the changing room, you know? I didn’t tell anyone, cause I was so freaked out, but then…I ended up with a huge crush on the junior team captain, Jared. One night after a game, we were sitting together in the back of the bus, and everyone was asleep. We had a blanket over us, and we…fooled around.”

“Classic,” Ben says, and I laugh again, but then realize my hands are shaking. I’ve never talked to anyone but Molly about this either. Even Ros, who knew I had dated men in college, never knew about Jared. I just didn’t have the words to tell her what had happened.

“Well, I thought I was in love, of course,” I continue, “and I also thought it meant that we were…dating, I guess. The next week, at school, I tried to talk to him about it and he pretended like I was crazy, like I was making it all up. He acted like…I was some weird stalker who was obsessed with him. I ended up quitting the team because of it, but I couldn’t even tell my parents why. For a while, I had to convince myself that I’d dreamed the whole thing just so I wouldn’t break down. That’s when the panic attacks really started to get worse.”

“You didn’t deserve that,” Ben says, putting a hand on my knee, “and Jared’s gaslighting ass didn’t deserve you.”

My heart leaps into my throat at his kindness, and his touch.

“Once I got out of that town, I dated a few guys and realized I wasn’t crazy or messed up, but then I met Ros…and I guess I just assumed it was a phase. Everyone always joked about how girls experiment with other girls in college, so I figured it was the same way for guys. You experiment, and then you end up either being gay or straight.”

“Being with a woman doesn’t make you any less queer, Theo,” says Ben gently, “and it certainly doesn’t make it a phase. I’m sorry no one ever told you that.”

“May I ask a question now?” Annoth says, flipping her cascade of auburn hair back over her shoulders.

“Ehhh,” I groan, but Ben smacks me playfully on the leg.

“We’re supposed to be teaching her about human stuff!” he chides. “Go ahead, Annie girl.”

“What do these words mean? Queer? Bi? I do not understand.”

My mouth drops open slightly. This is not something I thought I’d ever have to explain to anyone in the age of the internet. Ben, however, gets a mischievous twinkle in his eye and takes the cigar from her.

“It means different things to different people,” he says slowly, “but for me, it means this.”

He takes a pull from the cigar, then slips his hand gently around Annoth’s throat and pulls her face toward his. After blowing the smoke into her open mouth, he kisses her, deep and slow. I can’t help but be painfully aware of the heat flooding every inch of my body, especially when he releases her and turns to face me, taking another pull of smoke into his mouth. I feel like I’m about to plummet off the edge of the cliff in front of us as his hand snakes around the back of my neck, his fingertips brushing my jaw. I put my hand over his, but I don’t stop him as he pulls me in and blows the smoke down my throat, where it leaves a delicious burn.

“Is this ok?” he whispers. His fingers trace along the nape of my neck and thread through my hair, making it very difficult for me to form thoughts or an answer. Instead, I close my eyes and press my lips against his. It’s everything I’ve been wanting these past few weeks: warm and eager and soft.

I let out an involuntary noise when his grip on my hair tightens and he mutters a quiet apology, but all I want is more. I reach out and grab his jacket, sliding us closer together and kissing him again. He grunts in surprise, but his movements become more intense, one hand roaming down to lift the edge of my shirt. Suddenly, there’s another hand on mine and I open my eyes to see Annoth with her fingers twisted through Ben’s hair and her mouth on his neck. I pull away slightly and Ben opens his eyes too, then reaches back and gently touches her cheek.

She looks up, and when her eyes meet mine, heat and desire coil tighter in my stomach, along with something else. Something vaguely unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. She could have been a nightmare at the soccer game today, but she wasn’t. She could be trying to pull Ben away, or turn him against me somehow, but she isn’t. It’s plain as day that she cares about him, and that it’s because he chose to trust her. He chose to see her as a person, rather than as a monster incapable of change or redemption. Maybe…I can do the same. Maybe that’s how I can save all of us, from each other and from ourselves. I reach past Ben and take her hand, then brush my lips along her wrist while she runs her fingers over my cheek.

“Sweet Theo,” she whispers, tracing my lip with her thumb. I look up at her and she grins, her elongated canines returning. They don’t bother me as much as they did before. Ben snaps out of whatever trance he’s in and slides off the back of the car, then grabs Annie by her thighs and pulls her to the edge, wrapping one arm around her waist and covering her mouth with his. She groans and presses herself into him, arching her back in a way that drops the coil of heat much lower in my body.

“Get in the backseat,” he growls against her mouth. She lets out a breathy giggle, then throws a longing glance over at me before vanishing in a swirl of shadows. The rear window of the car is suddenly blacked out from the inside and my entire body goes on high alert. Once she’s gone, Ben turns back to me and runs his hands up my thighs. I’m already half-hard, and he can clearly see it, but the knowing smile on his face falters when our eyes meet.

“If you aren’t ready for anything…it’s ok,” he says. At the sound of his steady, gentle voice, and the crackle of electricity between our bodies, the tiny spark of uncertainty that’s been burning in my chest goes dark.

“Like I’m going to sit out here and listen to you have all the fun?” I tease. His face remains serious.

“I mean it, Theo. We can just go home. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you, but…if this is too much, too fast, or…too weird…”

I slowly brush a curl away from his forehead. “I mean, this is weird as fuck, but beneath all that, I want you too…both of you. I’m just gonna…try not to think too hard about it.”

Ben’s face splits into a wicked smile, and he moves his mouth to my jaw, then my neck, wrapping his arms around me. I tilt my head back and let the feeling rush through me as my thighs tighten around his hips. Then, in one swift motion, he pulls me off the back of the car and holds me against him with one arm while opening the door with the other. We fall into the backseat, where Annie is already sitting on the other side.

She laughs when I land beside her with Ben on top of me, then her shadows fly past us and the door slams shut. They spread around the entire car, blocking out all but a little light–enough that I can see the hungry look on Ben’s face as he works my zipper open. He slides my jeans down, along with my boxers, and Annie lets out a sharp breath behind me, then her hands start to move along my chest. But all my other senses are quickly overwhelmed by the sensation of Ben’s fingers wrapping around the base of my cock.

“Sit up,” he instructs me, but I’m not sure if I can move now. Annie already has all the buttons on my shirt open. Her shadows wrap around my torso, gently tugging me up and pulling the shirt off at the same time. I manage to lift myself and turn so I’m sitting against the back of the seat, now the only one of us that’s completely naked, which seems a bit unfair. Ben slides down to the floor between my knees, and I slip my fingers into his hair, suddenly feeling calmer and more in control.

“Shirt off,” I say, sounding like a caveman.

He just keeps grinning and straightens up. “Be my guest.” He squeezes his fingers and strokes them slowly up and down my shaft. It’s clearly a challenge, and I can’t let him see how weak he has me already, so I start unbuttoning. With each one I finish, however, his pace or his pressure increases, until I can barely even remember what a fucking button is, nevermind how to undo them.

I lose patience and rip the last one clean off as I pull the shirt down over his shoulders and toss it aside. Pressing him against the back of the front seat, I kiss him hard, running my fingers through the dark hair on his chest, then stopping when I touch his necklace. I haven’t looked at it before, but now I glance down and see that it’s a saint. He watches me closely as I turn it over and read the inscription.

“You’re not a lost cause, Ben,” I murmur, searching his face. The intensity in his eyes only increases as he grabs the back of my neck with one hand and kisses me hard.

“I’m your lost cause now, osito,” he whispers, then his eyes flicker to Annie for a moment. “Both of yours.” He looks back at me and continues to slowly, torturously jerk me off.

“Ben…” I gasp, leaning forward and brushing my lips against his jaw. “I-I need…need…”

His teeth find my lower lip and he whispers, “Use your words,” sending a shudder of desperation through my body.

“I need your mouth. Please…”

When he shoves me back against the seat, I willingly collapse, but then Annie’s hands are on my chest and shoulders, and she’s kissing my throat. Her curtain of red hair obscures Ben, so I can only feel it as his tongue swirls around the head of my cock. My back arches as he takes me deeper into his mouth, and I pull Annie closer, just to have something to keep me tethered to reality. She leans back to look at me, her smooth skin flushed pink, licking her lips like she’s just found a lake in the desert.

“Kiss me,” she whispers. “Please, Theo.” The heady mixture of desperation and command in her voice makes my head swim. I’ll do anything she wants when she asks for it that way, so I pull her lips against mine.

I half expected her to taste like fire and brimstone, but instead it’s Skittles and tequila, and I want more. I need more. Both their mouths on my body, our breath mixing together inside the already-foggy car, and the sound of their tiny groans is almost too much already. I also can’t get enough of it.

I tilt my head back and close my eyes as Annie trails her fingers and mouth over my neck, then my chest. She takes my hand, pulling it beneath her skirt. Barely able to focus because of what Ben’s tongue is doing to me, I run my fingers over her blazing-hot skin, higher and higher on her thigh until I feel the panties she’s wearing, which are soaking wet. I can’t contain the noise that tears from my throat.

I try to move them aside to touch her–to make her moan the way they’re both making me moan–but she swats my hand away with a smirk and drops back on the other side of the bench seat. Ben pauses and licks his lips, still pumping my cock with his hand. While we both watch, Annie waves her hands and all her clothes vanish, except the skirt. Then, she spreads her thighs, propping one foot up on the front seat and keeping the fabric strategically draped to hide what’s beneath. Her body is fucking perfect, soft and curvy and lush in all the right places. I know she made it that way on purpose, but right now I can’t bring myself to care. I need to taste every single inch of her.

“Damnit, Annie, you can’t do that,” I mutter, and Ben says something under his breath that I can’t make out. She flashes a depraved smile and slides her hand under the skirt’s waistband, then falls back against the door, her tits bouncing and making me, if possible, even harder.

“As you were,” she orders, with an imperious gesture. Ben looks like he might just rip the entire car apart to get to her.

“Annie,” he rasps, “I can smell your sweet little cunt all the way over here, and if you don’t show us what you’re doing under that skirt…I swear to God–” He’s cut short as she suddenly lunges forward and seizes him by the hair, jerking his head back and exposing his throat to the black claws that have appeared on the ends of her fingers. A jolt of fear runs through me for a second, but Ben just laughs.

“Less swearing and more sucking, Father,” she growls with a smile, brushing her talons over his jugular. “If I do not get to see him come in your mouth, then you do not get to touch this ‘sweet little cunt’. Understand?”

Ben nods, still grinning. “Anything for you, mi amor.”

She releases him and leans back, but this time she lifts the skirt so we can both watch when she slips her fingers down and begins to rub her clit in small, slow circles. Ben’s eyes roll back in his head, but he turns to me and holds my gaze as he takes my cock between his lips again. I’m lost in the fog of watching him suck me off, and watching Annie slide two fingers in and out of herself. Her soft moans quickly fill the car, alongside the quiet rustle of her shadows, which I suddenly realize have been snaking their way around my body. They’re now twined along my arms and legs, holding me in place.

“Annie,” I gasp, as one tendril wraps itself around my throat and squeezes gently. “Annie, I can’t breathe.” Her eyes, now wholly black from lid to lid, shift onto me, and for once, she looks like exactly what she is: a demon.

“I will take it away as soon as you come for him, Theo,” she purrs. I look at Ben, whose eyes drift up to mine, and the shadow tightens around my neck again. But this time, it only intensifies the waves of pleasure I’m already feeling, and my body jerks against Annie’s restraints.

“Fuck, Ben, don’t stop!” I groan. He locks his mouth around me, his cheeks hollowing and his fingertips digging into my thighs as I come hard. I’m floating and falling at the same time, and I can’t tell if it’s ecstasy or Annie’s shadow around my throat, but my vision goes blurry and dark. I tighten my grip on Ben’s hair and hold on until the high recedes.

However, I barely have time to recover before he’s moving, crawling over my legs and pressing his body against Annie, who grabs his chin and pulls his mouth to meet hers. When I realize what they’re doing, I think I might black out.

26

Annie

Theo looks like he could burst into flames when Ben climbs on top of me and I pull his mouth against mine. He spills Theo’s release onto my waiting tongue and I drop my head back, letting it trickle down my throat and chin, some dripping onto my bare chest. Ben’s eyes meet mine, and he grins. We both look at Theo, who is sitting on the other side of the car with his fingers in his hair, watching with shining eyes and a slack jaw.

“You two are gonna be the death of me,” he mutters with a weak laugh. Ben kisses me again, trailing one hand over my breasts, then moving his mouth down and gently pinching the sensitive nipple between his teeth. I let out a tiny gasp, and his hand drops lower, lifting my skirt and skating over the parts of me that are desperate and aching for more. He moves his mouth to hover just over my ear, the vibration of his voice running through me like an electric current.

“So fucking wet, Annie girl,” he mutters, his tone low and almost dangerous. “You’re making a mess all over my car. Did you like watching me suck his cock?”

“Yes,” I breathe, bucking my hips against his hand, which he pulls away.

“Because it’s a sin and that’s how demons get off?”

Theo leans forward slightly, licking his lips as if he is eager for my answer.

“It is not a sin,” I hiss, “but the way you are taunting me right now ought to be, you cruel thing.” Ben brushes his fingers over my clit, making me spasm and jerk, desperately searching for more pressure.

He just laughs. “Oh, how she begs. Like a sinner for mercy. Is that what you want, Annie, for me to have mercy on you? For us to make you come until you can’t walk?”

“Please, Ben,” I groan, attempting to unbutton his jeans. He grabs my wrists and pins them to the back of the seat, causing a surge of frustration through my chest. I need him more than I can even express, and I am not accustomed to being denied what I want.

“Well, then you’ll have to be a good girl, won’t you?” he growls. Heat rushes along my skin, burning and burrowing into him, and a little flicker of pain crosses his face. He is winding me up, looking for a reaction, so I will give him one. I flex my fingers and my shadows wrap around his body, throwing him to the side and pressing his arms to his back, trapping him. Theo sits up higher, and I crawl across the seat toward both of them.

“Help me, Theo. I think he needs to be taught a lesson–that I am not his ‘good girl’ and I do not need his so-called mercy.”

Theo grins and reaches for Ben’s zipper. “I think you’re right.”

“Theo, don’t you–” Ben starts to say, but I thread a shadow across his mouth, silencing him. Theo leans forward and kisses his neck as he unbuttons and unzips the jeans. I gently lift his body off the seat so Theo can pull them down. I may have centuries of experience with my own kind, but I have never seen human males like this before, and my mouth waters at the sight of Ben’s hard length. Like his body, it is impressive, thick, and I want to know what it feels like.

I lower my face, pulling my hair to the side, and run my tongue over the tip. Ben lets out a loud, low groan and thrashes against my shadows, so I take his cock deeper into my mouth. Theo’s hand brushes against the side of my neck, collecting my hair and holding it aside, but then his grip tightens and he pushes my head down. If I were human, I might choke, but I merely listen to their noises of surprise and pleasure when Ben’s cock hits the back of my throat.

“Fuck, Annie,” Theo mutters. “No gag reflex? That’s not fair.” Ben groans again, his eyes rolling shut, so I slide my lips and tongue up his length over and over again, savoring every inch, ensuring that he is just as wet as I am.

“You want to watch while I ride him?” I ask Theo. All he can do is nod, release my hair, and look on with wide eyes as I straddle Ben, facing away from him and gripping the back of the seat in front of me. Ben strains against his bonds, but I merely tighten them and look back at Theo. He understands what I want, and pushes my skirt up, then runs one hand across my buttocks, gripping Ben’s cock with the other. I lower my hips and Theo guides Ben inside me, slowly filling me until the sensation is so overwhelming I can hardly breathe. The way my muscles stretch and clench around him is better than anything I have ever felt. When I peek over my shoulder, the wild look in his eyes only pushes me further into a thick fog of pleasure.

But then I shift my gaze to Theo, and my shadows falter. They loosen and slip away from Ben’s body, unwilling to obey me. He reacts immediately, lunging forward and seizing my hair with one hand, then wrapping his other arm around my waist and thrusting into me hard, pushing a ragged gasp from my mouth. I do not understand what is happening to my power, but I also cannot deny that Ben’s sudden aggression floods my core with a desperate, pulsating need. He jerks me back so my body is flush against his. This movement changes the angle of his cock inside me and it hurts for a moment, but not enough for me to ask him to stop. Just as I cry out, one of his hands closes around my throat.

“Oh, mi amor, you’re in trouble now,” he rasps in my ear. “I told you to be a good girl. Now what am I supposed to do with you?”

“To seek revenge is a very grave sin,” I say with a breathless laugh.

“Good,” Ben grunts, pushing his hips up and sending a shudder through my body. “That means you and I can spend an eternity in Hell doing this. Every. Single. Fucking. Day.” He punctuates each word with another savage thrust, and I am nearly screaming by the time he releases my throat. I gasp and fall forward, gripping the front seat as my fingers shift back into claws, all my powers now seemingly beyond my control. Ben digs his own fingers into my buttocks and pulls my hips down, filling me again and drawing a deep moan from me each time he repeats the motion.

“Come here,” he instructs. Theo moves toward us, his blue eyes still wide and almost wary, probably wondering what this particular version of Ben has in store for him. Ben slows his pace and pushes me forward until I am almost completely empty of him, my aching pussy urgently clenching around thin air. A desperate whimper escapes my mouth when he pulls out completely.

“Ben…no,” I gasp, then I look back to see his cock filling Theo’s mouth, his fingers threaded through Theo’s hair, not mine. Ben meets my gaze and smirks, causing a rush of anger and jealousy. My shadows still will not obey a single command, but I can barely think of it now with how badly I need Ben to fuck me again. I was on the edge, and now I am spinning out of control.

“This is what happens when you don’t behave, Annie,” Ben says casually, and I bare my fangs at him. He runs his fingers over my clit and through the wetness I can practically feel dripping between my legs. “If you want my cock again, you know what you need to do.” I give a loud, frustrated groan and toss my hair, then face the front of the car again, arch my back, and put on a high, insipid voice.

“Please, Ben,” I simper. Theo moves away, and then Ben presses the head of his cock against my core. A jolt of anticipation tears through me as his hand runs up my spine and seizes a fistful of my hair again, jerking my head back.

“Please what, Annie?” he murmurs, subtly rocking me back against him, teasing just a tiny fraction of what I know he can give me.

“Please, Ben,” I implore. “Please, have mercy on this poor sinner, and fuck me until I cannot walk.” I know he can hear the derision in my voice, but he merely laughs and eases me back, filling me slowly, deliciously, an inch at a time until neither of us have any more to give.

“That’s my good girl,” he groans. “Goddamn, Annie, you take my cock like it was made for you.” His hands drift to my waist and his grip becomes almost punishing as we find a rhythm that quickly has us both begging the other not to stop. When I look back to see Theo kneeling beside Ben—one hand tangled in his hair and their mouths locked together—it pushes me over the edge.

I call out both their names, letting my body seize and the overwhelming sweetness of release cloud my mind. Ben slams into me again and his body jerks, then a string of curses and praise pour from his mouth. We both go completely still for a moment at the peak, then I sink, draping my body over the front seat. Ben’s hands slide down and lift my hips slightly as he pumps his cock into me a few more times, slowly, almost lazily. His breathing is ragged, labored, but filled with satisfaction.

“Oh, fuck,” I mutter, realizing that my clawed fingers have punctured the seat beneath my hands, leaving ten rather large tears through leather and foam.

“Now you’re really in trouble,” Theo teases, but Ben wraps his arms around me and pulls me back against his heaving chest, moving my hair aside to kiss my shoulders and neck.

“Good thing I’m a big believer in forgiveness,” he laughs softly. “Besides, it gives the car a little character.” Theo’s hands find my waist and his lips brush over mine, then move to Ben’s. Ben moves a hand up to hold his face, keeping one arm tight around me.

“You’re both insane,” Theo whispers, “and I’m afraid of how much I like it.”

I let out a quiet laugh too and pull myself off of Ben, then turn and collapse onto his chest. He wraps one arm around me and one around Theo, holding us the way you might hold something sacred: cautiously, gently, but with a quiet certainty that says ‘there is no way in Hell I am letting this go’.

I am able to dress and clean myself rather quickly, relieved to find that my shadows are now operating correctly again as I stand outside the car, waiting for Theo and Ben. I do not know what occurred during our little romp in the back seat, why my shadows no longer obeyed me, but I am unsettled by it. I have never heard of such a thing occurring during a possession, and I dare not attempt to contact my masters, for fear that they will recall me.

I meant what I said to Ben at the soccer game. I do not wish to go home now. Even if the human world is as he says, full of sin and darkness, the bits of it that I have experienced are still full of…something. Not pure light, not unending goodness, or unconditional love, or magnificent grace, but something else: The fullness that can only come from feeling hunger. The joy that must know pain first. The care that can only be born from neglect and cruelty. I believe that is what I have found, and I am desperate to hold onto it, whatever the cost.

Theo and Ben stumble from the back seat and stretch themselves out, then Ben leans against the car and pulls Theo into him. Their lips meet in a long, slow kiss, hands tenderly mapping each other’s bodies and faces. I envy them this. Not the physical sensation of it, but the ease with which they know they can become attached to one another. Ben glances at me and I attempt a smile.

“What’s wrong, mi amor?” he calls out. “Already wanting more?”

I turn to face them and roll my eyes. “I am hungry now,” I say to Ben, who approaches me and takes my hand, then kisses it.

“Theo, we’d better feed the beast quickly,” he jokes, “before she turns on us.”

“Good idea, even though she’s lying about being hungry,” Theo replies with a laugh. I tense when he comes to stand next to me, unsure if he has actually softened or if it was only the heat of the moment. But he wraps an arm around my waist and kisses the top of my shoulder, which is now covered by Ben’s leather jacket. I lean my head against his and close my eyes while they discuss options for food, but then they go strangely silent. I open my eyes to see Ben staring at the screen of his phone, looking anxious.

“Uhh…” he says softly, “I have to take this. Hang on.” He answers and begins speaking rapidly in Spanish, walking away from us to stand at the edge of the overlook. A line appears between Theo’s eyebrows.

“What is it?” I ask. “Can you understand?”

“No,” he sighs. Before he can say anything else, Ben abruptly hangs up and comes back over, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“I have to go,” he says quietly. “For a day or two.”

A chill runs through my body.

“Where?” Theo asks.

“It’s just a…family thing…” Ben mutters, putting his foot on the bumper of the car and pushing it. “I’ll take you two home and grab my stuff, but then…yeah.” Theo looks at me and I shake my head, unsure what to make of it.

“Alright,” he says, putting a hand on Ben’s arm. “You know we’re here if you want to talk, but if not…let’s just get home.” Ben gives him a weak smile and we all get back into the car. Theo lets me sit in the front and I scoot close to Ben on the bench seat. He puts on his playlist of country music, then takes my hand and does not let go of it the entire drive. When the song about tequila and favorite sins starts to play, I rest my head on his shoulder.

When we arrive back at the apartment, Ben takes a brief shower. When he comes out of the office, carrying his bag, Theo tenses and puts his hands on the countertop, then closes his eyes.

“Are you coming back?” he asks, voice flat and hard.

Ben’s face falls. “Do…do you want me to, osito?”

“Of course, we do,” I say, taking his hand and throwing Theo a glare, but Ben waits for him to answer. After nearly thirty seconds of tension, Theo’s shoulders sag.

“Yes,” he sighs. “Of course, I do. I’m sorry. I just…” Ben drops his bag and goes around the end of the counter, then puts an arm around Theo’s waist and a hand on his cheek.

“Look at me, Theo,” he says firmly. “I’m coming back, alright? That anxiety in your head, telling you that I got what I wanted and now I’m running out, it’s lying. You gave me the chance to leave and I couldn’t, because…because I’m in it now. Whatever the fuck this is, I was in it before we got into that backseat, and I’m still in it now. Come Hell or high water.”

The corners of Theo’s mouth twitch in a frown. “I’m in it too,” he says, “but…you couldn’t pick a different reassuring phrase?” Ben’s signature, dimpled grin lights up the entire room and he goes to where his jacket is hanging on the wall.

“Look. I’m getting picked up, so…you two can keep these.” He takes his car keys and flask from the pockets and sets them on the counter, then drapes the jacket over my shoulders. I pull it tight and lean against his chest as he wraps his arms around me from behind.

“You’re gonna leave your car?” Theo asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Collateral,” Ben tells him, then kisses the side of my head. “Don’t make her watch too much Star Wars, alright?”

“There is no such thing,” I say, looking back at Ben with a smile that feels forced. He might be leaving his car, but something feels off. I wonder if I am afraid, like Theo is, that he will not return. Once Ben has reassured Theo one more time, and even allowed tracking of his location on Theo’s phone, he comes back to me.

“Please do not go,” I say quietly, twisting my fingers through his. He kisses my forehead and leans his cheek against it.

“I have to, Annie girl,” he murmurs. “I promise it’ll only be a couple days, and I’ll explain everything when I get back. I owe you two that, at least.”

“Very well,” I reply, tilting my face back so he can kiss me. It is warm and slow and deep, only making me ache for more, but then he steps away.

Without him, I am left cold and empty, even when I push Hellfire through my veins.

27

Theo

Annie and I don’t talk for a long time after Ben leaves. I put on Star Wars, more for comfort and background noise than anything else. She sits at the counter and pushes leftovers around her plate while I eat on the couch. If Ben doesn’t come back, the chances of Annie and I being separated are virtually none. I also thought that something had changed between us, but now I’m just not sure. The anxiety pressing against the inside of my chest whispers insistently that I’m about to get my heart broken again.

“Do you feel angry?” says Annie quietly, looking over at me—her big, black eyes full of sadness.

“About Ben leaving?” I ask, and she nods. “Maybe a little. I think I’m more angry that he didn’t say why he had to go. Like it was a state secret or something.”

“Perhaps…he was embarrassed?” she suggests, and I can’t help but smile at her adorable attempt to guess human emotions. I put my plate down and walk over to where she’s sitting, with Ben’s jacket still draped around her shoulders. Something is definitely different between her and I now, but I’m not sure exactly what it is, or what she wants it to be. Our situation was weird enough before, and now it’s completely off the rails. Even just standing near her feels strangely comforting though, as if we’ve trauma bonded over being tied to each other involuntarily. I put my hands on her shoulders and she leans into me, closing her eyes.

“Would you lie down with me?” she asks quietly.

“Just…lie down?” I say, and she opens her depthless eyes, then grins.

“You are blushing, my dear.”

“Am I?” I laugh, tracing my thumb along her cheek and down the side of her neck.

“Yes, I would like to just lie down with you.” She almost sounds tired and closes her eyes again, so I move to the side and lift her out of the chair, letting Ben’s leather jacket fall, then carry her to the couch and fall with her on top of me. We nestle down so I’m on my back and she’s next to me, the same way she was with Ben just that morning. It’s extremely strange to think that so much has changed in just one day, but once we’re settled in, I don’t want to move. I find some horrific true crime show for her to watch, then run my hand over her long hair, smoothing it down.

“Is this really going to make you feel better?” I ask when the creepy theme music starts up and the narrator begins detailing a brutal dismemberment.

Annie lets out a quiet laugh. “If you knew anything about my world, you might understand.”

“Tell me, then. I know you said my mind can’t comprehend the horrors, but…is there anything you can tell me? What do you do when you aren’t…torturing? Do demons have bars or clubs or something for their days off?”

“Hmmm.” She props her chin on her hand so she can look at me. “We do not have ‘days off’. We simply…work on a soul until it is so worn down that it can no longer be tormented, then it is cast into the lake. We may have a brief respite before being assigned another soul.”

I swallow, trying to ignore how not normal this conversation is. “What does the ‘respite’ entail? Like a vacation?”

“No,” Annie chuckles. “I would occasionally be tasked with moving souls to another tower, and then I might assist with those punishments for a short time.”

“Right…everyone needs a change of pace sometimes.”

“Precisely,” she says with an earnest smile.

“So, Ben was right about the whole…seven towers for seven deadly sins thing?”

“It is slightly more complex than that, but yes.”

I go silent for a minute, then decide that I need an answer to the question that’s been burning a hole in me all afternoon.

“Annie, earlier, when we were all…uh…when we were in the car, Ben asked if you enjoyed watching me and him together…because it’s a sin…”

“And?”

“You said that it’s not…”

She lets out a small, sharp sigh. “Yes, Ben explained to me what some of your churches have to say about this. It is not so black and white as that.”

“Explain it to me,” I murmur. “Please. I need to know.”

She curls her fingers through mine as she answers. “We punish sinners for things like lust, pride, and greed, yes, but…only inasmuch as they have caused harm to other people. The most sinful thing about what you and Ben did was that, perhaps you have not made any kind of commitment to one another—that one of you could have been using the other for lustful purposes…with no intention of care.”

“So I’m not…going to Hell, just for being with men?”

“Oh, sweet Theo, no,” she whispers, lifting herself onto her elbow and putting a hand on my cheek. “Perhaps for many other things, but not for that.”

She gives me a wicked smile, and I feel a laugh bubble up in my chest, but it dies rather quickly when I think about Ben.

“You don’t think that’s what he was doing, do you? Using me? Us?”

“I cannot say,” Annie sighs, laying her head back on my chest. “I do not know human behavior well enough. His promises to return seemed genuine.”

“I guess so.” I pull out my phone and check my texts. Nothing from Ben, but I do have a few from Molly saying how much she appreciated me coming to Tabby’s game. I type out a quick reply and send it, then open the app Ben downloaded for me to see his location. I didn’t want to use it, and I’m honestly not sure why he gave it to me, but I click on the ‘Track’ button anyway.

“What is this?” Annie asks.

“This is how we can see his location,” I explain. There’s a violent jolt in my stomach when I see the little blue dot labeled with his name, and where it is.

“Where is he?”

“He’s…he’s at a fucking assisted living facility,” I groan, sitting up.

Annie sits up too with a hand on my shoulder. “I do not understand.”

“It’s like…a hospital for really old people. Fuck!”

“He did say that it was a family affair…perhaps he has an elderly family member?”

“Then why wouldn’t he just tell us that?” I almost shout. “What if he’s running another scam? Pretending to give Last Rites to some little old lady who doesn’t know any better! Goddamnit!” I throw my phone back onto the couch and stand up, pacing around the living room, the anxiety in my body welling up until I forcibly shove it back. Annie doesn’t seem to be reacting to it, but I know it’s not worth the risk.

“Do you truly believe that?” she asks.

“I don’t know! I mean…fuck, I haven’t even known him a month! He could still be scamming me for all I know, playing some kind of long con just so I don’t turn him into the cops. If it was a family thing, why would he be so cagey about it? I thought he trusted me. I thought we were…I don’t know…I thought things were different now.”

“Theo,” says Annie softly, grabbing my arm as I walk by. I stop and pull away from her.

“Don’t,” I grunt. “Don’t try to make me feel better. This is all your fault anyway.” Her eyes widen, and she actually looks hurt for a moment, but then the expression vanishes.

“You said that you trust Ben. Was that true?” she asks.

“How can I?” I spit, sinking back onto the couch and putting my head in my hands. “I mean, how can I really trust him?”

“I am no expert in human emotions, Theo,” says Annie, sliding closer to me, “but…I know you care for him. I believe humans often give something called ‘a benefit of doubt’ to those they care about.”

“Benefit of the doubt,” I mutter. “Yeah, but…fuck, I don’t know. I want to trust him. I want him to come back. I want everything to be…the way it’s been the last couple weeks, but that’s stupid.” I turn to look at her, and she smiles, then reaches out and touches my leg.

“I do too,” she says, “and it is not stupid.”

“It’s stupid because of you,” I tell her, “and I’m not saying that to be cruel, but…what happens when you’re gone? Either Ben finds someone to exorcise you, or all these good deeds somehow finish it, or eventually they’ll call you back, right? So this is all just a ridiculous house of cards waiting for a light breeze to come along.”

“You do not think Ben would stay with you…after I am gone?” she asks, and there’s something strange in her voice that I can’t place–almost like guilt.

“I-I don’t know…” I run a hand over my face and try not to look at her. I don’t want to see how hurt she is, because then I’ll be the one who feels guilty for blaming her. I know it isn’t her fault for being what she is, and for trying to do the job she was given. I should give her some credit for trying to be better and choose her own path, but I’m still afraid of what might happen–afraid she might change her mind, or that it’s all just been a game for her from the start.

But then I realize I’m more afraid of her getting recalled, of never seeing her again, and of what Ben might decide to do if she’s gone. I realize that, more than anything, I can’t stand the thought of losing both of them.

“I’m sorry, Annie,” I sigh. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean that it’s all your fault.”

She just shrugs. “You are not wrong, but…I cannot help what I am. Or at least…what I was.”

I move over and pull her onto my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck as I fall back onto the arm of the couch, then she lies on top of me in silence, her fingers drawing lazy little circles on my chest.

“Were you ever human?” I ask after a few minutes.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…where do demons come from? Are they human souls first and then they’re turned into demons? Are they fallen angels? Something else?”

A small frown crosses her face. “I was born out of the shadows and flames of Hell. I have known nothing else. I am nothing else.”

“I don’t think that’s true anymore,” I say quietly, kissing the top of her head. She nestles into me and I reach back to pull a blanket from the chair and drape it over us.

Annie watches episode after episode of true crime murder and gore, while I fight the urge to check Ben’s location every five minutes, then eventually drift into an uneasy sleep. At some point, I snap awake and reach for my phone. It’s 1am, and I let out a low groan.

“I should go to bed,” I say in a groggy voice.

“Please stay,” Annie says, turning her face up to look at me. “I do not want to be alone.”

I laugh softly and put my arms around her. “Alright, you win, but you have to keep me warm. It’s actually a little chilly tonight.” Almost immediately, heat radiates from her body, but it’s not the same as when she used her powers to burn me before. This is slower, more comforting and enveloping—like coming inside and standing by a fire on a cold day, when you can feel each part of your body relax in turn. Soon, I’m slipping away again.

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of clanging in the kitchen, and roll over to find myself bereft of Annie’s warmth. I tilt my head back to see her standing in front of the stove, holding a skillet over her shoulder like a baseball bat and fiddling with the knobs. My first instinct is to jump up and pull her away before she hurts herself, but then I remember she’s probably impervious to heat and flames, so I just watch. She’s wearing gray shorts that show at least half her ass cheeks when she bends over, plus a Nirvana t-shirt that looks like Ben’s. He must have left it in the office for her. As I remind myself not to check his location again, my phone vibrates. He’s texting me, and I hold my breath as I open the message.

Good morning, osito

I hope she let you sleep a little

I probably would’ve slept better if you hadn’t told her about Dateline

So thanks for that

You’re welcome sweetheart 😘

Btw, I made you something

You’re ridiculous 😂

Ridiculous…ly hot?

Yes, we’ll go with that

I’ve gotta go

Don’t let her bully you too much

Even though I know you get off on that

When are you coming back?

I wait for several minutes with a small smile on my face, but he doesn’t see the message and doesn’t reply. The bubble in my chest deflates, but is quickly replaced by panic when I smell something burning in the kitchen. I’m off the couch in a split second and find Annie cursing at the toaster, which is smoking.

“Fan,” I grunt, flipping the switch to pull the smoke away, then using a pair of tongs to pull the blackened bread out.

“What did I do wrong?” she asks, pouting and crossing her arms.

“Well, you have it set on high, sweetheart. Why are you trying to cook anyway?”

“I wanted to make you breakfast.”

I put my arm around her shoulder and kiss the side of her head. “That’s very nice of you, but how about you let me do it? You just sit there and look pretty.”

“You can cook?” Her question is so earnest that I realize she’s never seen me make food. All I’ve done is order delivery or let Ben take over my kitchen. With a sly grin, I grab her waist and lift her up, setting her on the counter beside the sink. Before I can step away, her shadows press into my back, holding me in place as she wraps her lower legs around my thighs.

“Annie,” I say with an edge of warning in my voice. It’s not that I don’t want her. I wanted her yesterday in the car, but I have no idea how this demon possession shit works, or what could happen if she and I go any further than we already have. She pulls me in closer, however, and lowers her lips to my neck, evaporating any shred of self-control I had left.

“I do not need to eat right away,” she murmurs, her shadows slithering up under my shirt. Unbidden, my hands raise themselves and settle on her hips. I’d say she’s finally taken over my body, but I know this is all me. I pull her to the edge of the counter, and she lets out a tiny gasp, then puts her arms around my neck.

Our lips meet, and I’m completely lost. I forget about the toast, about Ros, about the cats and my job and my family, and I damn near forget about Ben too when her body presses against mine. In this moment, she’s all I want. Everything else, including what she is and where she came from, be damned. Literally.

“I dunno,” I murmur, pushing her sheet of red hair away so my mouth can access her neck. “I’m pretty hungry.”

She lets out a small whine and drops her head back.

“Do not tease me like this if you are going to cook first, Theo,” she growls, but I grab her thighs and push them up so she’s forced to fall back onto her elbows. Once her legs are resting on my shoulders, she seems to understand and gives me a deliciously wicked smile.

“You wanted to make me breakfast, didn’t you?” I ask, slipping my hands into the waistband of her shorts and yanking them off in one clean motion. They’re made of shadows, and I guess she could just make them disappear, but there’s something so satisfying about it. As I suspected earlier, she isn’t wearing any panties, and the confirmation only serves to make me incredibly hard. As she reaches down to remove her t-shirt, I grab the hem.

“Leave it,” I say, dipping my face between her legs. “It smells like him.” She drops her head back again as I run my lips and thumbs over her inner thighs, gently grazing her soft skin with my teeth, inching closer to the heat of her core.

“Theo, please,” she pants, squirming under my touch.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I like to savor my meals,” I laugh softly. Annie groans in frustration as I run a single fingertip through the wetness I can see gathering, practically dripping from her. An incredible moan tears from her when I put my lips over her clit and tease it with my tongue at the same time as sliding two fingers inside her.

I didn’t think I could be any harder than I am, but the way her muscles clench has me remembering what her pussy looked like wrapped around Ben’s cock yesterday. The way he tasted after being inside her comes to mind too. I almost want to set up my phone and take a video for him, but I can’t stop now that I’ve started. She tastes too fucking good. I think he’ll understand. I lift her thighs and spread them wider, increasing the pressure of my tongue against her nerves just as her hand finds my hair.

“Oh, fuck, Theo!” she groans, and pulls so hard that I’d probably make some kind of noise if I could breathe, but I’m drowning in that sweet place between her legs. I start to work her with my fingers, hooking them upwards when they’re all the way inside, pulling a loud moan from her each time. She’s being incredibly loud, but I don’t give a shit. It’s 8am on the Lord’s Day, and I’m eating out an insanely hot demon on my kitchen counter, while also thinking about an ex-priest’s dick in my mouth. The opinion of my neighbors and the salvation of my soul are probably both foregone conclusions at this point, neither very good. Keeping that in mind, I press harder, suck harder–until she’s literally dripping down my hand onto the kitchen floor, and I might be about to black out from oxygen deprivation.

Finally, her body arches up, she lets out a shuddering scream, and her hands fly back to grip the edge of the counter. I don’t stop, thrusting and hooking my fingers into her again and sucking hard on her clit, then sliding my other hand under her shirt to tease her nipples. When she seems to be spent, and I stop to wipe my mouth on Ben’s t-shirt, there’s smoke drifting up from her hands. It smells the same as when I accidentally put a hot pan on the crappy laminate countertop once. I think I know what happened.

“Annie…you might want to, uh…” I let out a soft laugh and wipe my hands too, then move around to the other side of the counter and gently hold her wrists.

“What did I do?” she asks breathlessly, releasing her vice grip. Sure enough, there’s two hand-shaped burn marks seared into the edge of my counter, and I can’t help but grin.

“You know,” I say, bracing my hands and leaning over, “I think you might have a property destruction kink. Ben’s front seat…my counters…” She lets out an actual giggle and reaches up to hold my face. The way she’s spread out–cheeks flushed, hair cascading over the edge of the counter, legs still splayed–makes me want to take a picture.

Annie seems to have the same thought. “Poor Ben will be sad that he missed breakfast.”

I pull out my phone. “I was never one to send people pictures of my food, but...” She gets a mischievous glint in her eye, then arches her back up a little and puts her hands on the edge of the counter, dropping her legs open further and posing. I take a picture and send it to Ben with a message that just says:

Had to eat by myself this morning and it was a bit lonely

If that doesn’t bring him back, nothing will, so I turn my text notifications on and kiss Annie on the forehead.

“Let’s get you and the kitchen cleaned up.” I come around and help her onto her feet again. She pulls Ben’s shirt over her head and uses it to wipe off the counter, which I desperately want to bend her over now that she’s completely naked. But then she kneels to clean the floor and looks up at me with a hungry smirk.

“You have had your breakfast,” she says, slipping a finger into the top of my sweatpants and tugging them down. “I would like mine now.”

28

Annie

Once the shower is as hot as it can get, I step inside, savoring the feeling of the scalding water running over my skin. If I could choose one thing from the human world to take home with me, I think it would be water. I do not mind the heat of Hell, but it is bone-dry, and I have fallen in love with the delicious, enveloping feeling of the shower. The steam swirls around me and I run my hands through it, wishing I could manipulate it as I do with my shadows.

But this only makes me think about the way my shadows behaved in the car. It was an intense moment, and I still do not have an explanation for why they would not obey. Theo’s words from last night come back to me. When I said that I am nothing but flame and shadow, he said he does not think that is true anymore. Does he truly believe I could become something else? Something with a purpose other than inflicting agony? Something…good?

I twirl my hand through the steam again and try to sense the way the water droplets move through the air, calling out to them with my magic, but it is no use. My power was made to summon other parts of me, my flames and shadows. Nothing more. I tilt my head back and allow the water to run over my hair too, trying to put it all out of my mind. Misusing my magic could get me recalled, and I am desperate to find a way to stay, even though I know it is improbable at best. If Ben does return, the only way for me to remain here would be for us to fulfill the deal we made, and I know that Theo will no longer trust either of us if he learns of that arrangement.

No, the only way I can spare them both is to make my peace with it and enjoy whatever time I do have left. I would rather spend an eternity suffering the consequences of my failure than cause either of them more pain than I already have.

“Annie?” Theo calls, knocking gently on the door and shaking me from my reverie.

“Yes! I am nearly done.”

“I made breakfast…real breakfast.” The hint of cheek in his voice is quite endearing. For all his quiet seriousness, there is another side to Theo when he allows himself to let go. Another thing I will miss once I am gone.

Once I am finished washing, I step out and use a towel to dry my body, then recreate my much-too-short shorts, and one of Ben’s band t-shirts, altering it slightly so it fits my body like a glove and exposes my arms. I use shadows to tie my wet hair into a knot on top of my head, then check the mirror. I chose this particular form because it aligned with human female beauty standards, but now…I think I am becoming quite attached to her.

She is beautiful, but she also looks like a person–someone with hopes and fears and dreams. Someone who enjoys Star Wars and spicy food and walking in the park. Someone who could fall in love…maybe. I shake my head and turn away. Those are things I can never have, no matter how badly I want them, and no matter how much pretending I do with Theo and Ben. I may no longer wish to hurt them, I may be willing to suffer for them, but I cannot be what they want me to be. My time in this world is limited, and I must not allow myself to forget it.

Theo has made bacon, as well as something he calls ‘French toast’, so I sit at the counter and watch as he sprinkles powdery sugar on top of the thick bread slices, then soaks them in sticky, brown liquid.

“Is it…spicy?” I ask tentatively, and he laughs.

“Not at all. It’s very sweet, but you might like it.”

“You are sweet, and I like you.”

He snorts, “That was cheesy.”

“I thought it was sweet? I do not see any cheese.”

“No, it’s…oh my God.” Theo leans on the counter and covers his face with a hand. “It’s just an expression. It means…cute? But in a way that’s sort of…over the top…”

“I do not understand,” I say with a shrug, then take a bite of the toast. It is sticky and warm, but not awful. I still prefer the food Ben makes, which is so spicy I can feel it awakening the Hellfire in my chest, but I eat as much of the toast as I can in order to make Theo happy. He eats slowly and quietly. I think there could be something on his mind, but I am still so unsure when it comes to human emotions.

“Ben texted me back,” he says after he clears his plate and drops it into the sink. “He said it’s a good thing he’s already near a hospital because the photo nearly sent him into cardiac arrest.” He smirks, and I laugh, but there is something else. “He also heard back from that one last friend…one of the priests he contacted–about the exorcism. I think his name is Robert.”

“And?”

“He’s willing to do it, but…it could be a few weeks before he can get out here. He lives in another state.”

“Ah,” I say, and my shadow-heart flutters in my chest, “well…this is good, yes? This is what you wanted.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Did Ben say if he will return soon?”

“No, he didn’t say. He’s back at the assisted living place again. It looks like he spent the night at a hotel nearby. A really nice one.”

I raise my eyebrows. “What do you think he is doing?”

“I guess it doesn’t matter anymore,” Theo sighs. “He held up his end of the deal. As long as I get contact information for Robert, in case Ben…disappears.”

My stomach clenches at the thought. “Do you think he will?”

“No. No, I think he’ll come back for you. To spend a bit more time with you, before…”

I swallow hard. Theo believes that, once I am exorcised from him, I will go home. Perhaps he is holding out hope that he and Ben can be together when I am gone. What will he do once he finds out the truth—that Ben offered himself to me? That I planned to take full control of him once we were joined, and that neither of us ever planned to involve Theo in this? I am even more desperate to speak to Ben now. I must release him from our deal. I must leave them both in peace, so they might have a chance at happiness together, without me.

After we eat, I ask Theo if we can walk to the park to see Monty and Roger. In truth, I need to move my body and take my mind off the situation. Theo is quiet as well, and I nearly drive myself crazy trying to figure out what he is thinking while he searches for a sweater to wear. It has been getting colder each day, and I still do not like it, but I create some warm winter clothing, then we pack up a few containers of food and go out anyway, arm-in-arm.

On the way to the park, Theo pulls us into a store to buy a few pairs of thick socks and other items for Monty, and some treats for Roger. When we walk back outside, I see his friend Mak standing on the corner, passing out more fliers. She certainly is persistent.

“Makie!” Theo calls, waving at her and grinning. I am struck by how different he is than the last time we ran into her. Of course, the last time, I had nearly pushed him too far and he was panicking. I cannot stand to think about it, but then I remember that I am supposed to be Annika, the exchange student from…Sweden?

“Theo!” Mak calls back, bouncing over to us. Her hair was pink and purple last time we saw her, but she has now added a turquoise stripe down the middle. “How are you? You look great! And it’s…Annika, right?”

“Good to see you,” I say quietly, in what I hope is the same accent I used before.

“Are you still out here pestering people?” Theo asks her.

“The adoption event is on Tuesday,” Mak says, “I’m just trying to get the word out! Are you gonna come?”

“Yeah, we might swing by. It’s a fundraiser too, right?”

“Cash bar and kitties!” says Mak with a grin. “I saw that Ros posted a picture of Dante and Virgil at her new place. I know you really loved those guys and I’m sorry.”

Theo shrugs, but I know he is sad about the cats. “Well, they did technically belong to her.”

“You need to adopt!” Mak squeals, her eyes wide with excitement. “Oh, Theo, it would be perfect! The shelter has so many sweet cats right now!”

“Well…” Theo says, his eyebrows going up, “yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it.”

“I would like to go and see the animals,” I tell him with a smile. His eyebrows go up even further, and I am sure he is remembering the way Ros’s cats avoided me like the plague, and the way dogs on the street bark at me–except for my sweet Roger, of course.

“Well, you can’t refuse now, Theo,” Mak tells him firmly, winking at me. “By the way, Zayd was running in the park last week and said he saw you walking around with some guy..a really hot guy?”

Theo’s cheeks turn red. “Oh, uh…yeah, that’s just…he’s my new roommate.”

“Gay? Straight? A secret third option?” Mak asks with a smirk.

“Uh…” Theo stammers, glancing at me for a moment. “I didn’t exactly screen people by orientation, Makie.”

“Oh, well, definitely bring him with you, because Zayd seemed pretty interested in finding out,” she laughs. Theo’s face twitches slightly. Is he jealous?

“For sure,” he mutters. “See you soon, Makie. Cash bar and kitties. Can’t wait.” They hug each other, and Mak gives me a rather awkward side hug, then bounces down the street with her fliers.

“Will you really adopt more cats?” I ask.

“I’m not sure. I might not be in the best place to take care of more animals, what with no job and…”

“And me…Dante and Virgil did not like me.”

“They always took a while to warm up to strangers.”

I think he is just being kind, so I remind him, “They liked Ben immediately.”

“Everyone likes Ben immediately,” he replies. I can only nod in agreement. We walk in silence the rest of the way to the park, where we find Monty and Roger sitting on a bench near the lake. Roger has his head on his paws, watching the swans and whining loudly. When he sees us, his tail begins to wag and I kneel down beside him to rub his soft, floppy ears.

“Well, howdy there!” Monty says warmly when he sees us. “Where’s that no-account Father Ben gotten to today?”

“He’s…uh…visiting someone…at the hospital,” Theo says, passing over the containers of food we brought.

“Oh, yeah,” Monty muses. “I was wondering if his granny was still hanging in there.”

Theo’s eyes go wide. “His…his grandma?”

“Sure,” Monty says, popping open a container of hot chili and digging in with a plastic spoon from the bag. “She’s been sick for a while now, and he goes to visit whenever his sister’s in town or something.”

Theo sinks onto the park bench beside him with a loud sigh. “His sister?”

“Yeah, she’s some big, hot shot real estate gal always jetting around between here and Mexico, but since Ben doesn’t–” Monty stops suddenly and glances between me and Theo. “Not sure I’m ‘spose to be telling you two this if he hasn’t already.”

“It’s alright,” Theo says softly.

“Ben’s had some hard times, ya know? But he’s just private like that. Doesn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him.”

“I understand,” Theo replies. “Are you gonna be alright when it starts really getting colder next week, Monty? My dad knows a veteran’s shelter down in Brooksville. It’s pet friendly…and warm. I’m sure we could take you.”

“Ah, me and Roger’ll manage just fine, like we always do,” Monty tells him with a toothless smile. “You just get this pretty lady home and keep her warm, alright?” He winks at me and I smile back while Theo arranges the rest of the bags beside him on the bench. Roger, apparently sensing that we are about to go, leans his head into me, nearly knocking me over as I laugh. Monty has to pull him off me and Theo helps me to my feet, then takes my hand and squeezes it while I kiss Roger goodbye on the nose.

“Perhaps you should adopt a dog,” I suggest as we walk away from them.

Theo shakes his head. “Dogs are loud and furry, and they have to be taken outside all the time. Plus, if you don’t give them something to do, they just chew on stuff.”

“Well, that is not much different than Ben,” I say. Theo looks surprised, but then lets out a loud belly laugh.

“Annie, did you just tell a joke?” he asks, pulling me into him and slipping his arm around my waist.

“I believe I did,” I reply with a wide, satisfied grin.

We stop again on our way home and purchase what Theo calls ‘couch day snacks’–chips, pretzels, candy, and popcorn. He helps me pick out the spiciest flavors, then we take everything home and array the bags on the coffee table. We both change into more comfortable clothing and curl up against each other’s bodies to continue our marathon of Clone Wars. Every so often, Theo checks his phone. Ben is still at the same location, but texts Theo several times, which seems to calm his nerves.

As for me, I try to forget. Forget what I am, and what I am supposed to be doing, and what could happen when Ben’s exorcist arrives. I want it to be enough–to only have these few weeks, to experience even just a taste of this life, but I know it never will be. Ben said that if I were taken back, he would find a way to rescue me. This might just be human bravado, but I desperately wish it could be true. I decide that, if I am recalled now, I will never stop trying to find a way back to them. Come Hell or high water, just as Ben told me.

When Theo gets up to use the restroom, I look at his phone. He has left it open, displaying his conversation with Ben.

I can’t believe you’re watching it without me

You didn’t even want to watch Clone Wars in the first place!

You said you already know how it ends so it was pointless and depressing

I know, but I still can’t believe it

How’s she doing?

She’s ok

Well you aren’t nearly as fun as me

She’s probably just bored 🤪

She thinks you aren’t coming back, Ben

Idk if she can even feel normal emotions, but she seems really sad

There is no response from Ben. I have never sent a text before, but I desperately want to talk to him myself, so I take the phone and slowly type my own message.

Ben, this is Annie

Hey beautiful girl

What did you do with Theo?

I believe he sent you a photo of what we did

Naughty 😂

Be gentle with him, Annie

Or you’ll be in trouble

Please tell me you are coming back

There is a long pause before he replies, and I find myself holding my breath as I wait.

I am, mi amor

I promise

Before I can reply, Theo returns and sees me holding his phone. His eyebrows go up, but he does not seem angry. I pass it over to him silently, and he looks at the messages.

“Well, at least you got him to tell you he’s coming back,” he says, flopping onto the couch. I lean into his chest, and he puts his arm around me, then pulls the blanket around us.

“When he does come back, will you ask him about what Monty said?”

“He promised he’d give us an explanation anyway, so I’m hoping I won’t have to.” We fall back into silence as Theo resumes the show.

Eventually, he falls into a fitful sleep, and I keep him warm by pushing Hellfire through my body. He begins to mutter, twitching and groaning. I cannot tell what he is dreaming of, but he clings to me like I am his lifeline, and I hold him too. I am not certain how to soothe him, so I attempt singing, adjusting my human vocal cords so the sound is low and gentle. The only song I know by heart now is the one Ben and I danced to, so I sing that. It appears to help, and I spend the rest of the night with him wrapped in my arms, wondering how much longer I have here.

In the middle of the night, I take his phone out and use his finger to unlock it, then type a single message to Ben.

I think I miss you. Please come home to us. — A

29

Theo

The first thing I feel when I wake up is Annie’s lips on my neck. Then her warm, almost hot, hand reaches beneath my shirt, sliding across my lower stomach.

“Hey,” I murmur groggily against her hair. She moves back to look at me and smiles.

“Good morning,” she purrs, and her hand moves down, brushing my waistband.

“What’re you doing?”

“You are already hard for me, Theo,” she replies. I am, and I laugh softly, then put my hand over hers.

“Annie, sweetheart, that’s just…something that happens in the morning.”

She pulls away again, making that adorable pouting face. “Oh…so, you do not want me?”

“Fuck,” I breathe. “No, I definitely do…” She wriggles down, then pushes my shirt up and runs her mouth over my stomach and hips. Before I know it, she’s straddling me, and my hands go to her waist on instinct. She’s still wearing those damn shorts with no panties, and she grinds against my cock, sending me into overdrive. I reach up and grab the back of her neck, pulling her down for a hungry kiss. Her fangs sink into my lower lip and I let out a ragged gasp, but just as I’m about to slide my hands into her shorts, there’s a loud, insistent knock on the door.

“Godammit!” I groan, holding onto Annie’s hips and trying to savor the contact before she scrambles off me, giggling like we’re in high school and my parents just got home.

“Who on earth is that?”

I stand up and try to hide the fact that I’m hard as a rock, which is impossible to do in gray sweatpants.

“Better not be my mom,” I sigh, and wrap a large blanket around myself like a cloak before I go to the door and squint through the peephole. It’s Ben, grinning from ear to ear, holding a paper grocery bag and what looks like a bouquet of sunflowers. I glance back at Annie and smile, then open the door.

“Oh, thank God!” he crows as he steps inside. “I thought maybe you’d gone into witness protection so you’d never have to see me again.”

Annie squeals and vanishes in a burst of shadows. It’s all Ben can do to drop the sunflowers on the counter before she reappears in his arms. He holds her and buries his face in her hair, but his eyes stay on me.

“You came back.” I’m grinning like an idiot as all the doubt piling up inside me topples over and melts away. He actually came back to us. How on earth could I have doubted him?

“I told you I would, osito,” he says, releasing Annie and handing her the paper bag. He runs his fingers over the hand-shaped scorch marks she left on the edge of the counter, then looks me up and down. His grin turns slightly fiendish and I realize that the blanket I had wrapped around me is hanging open. My erection is on full display, and they’re both watching me the way lions watch a wounded zebra. But then Ben unzips his jacket, and I instantly deflate when I see his black button-up shirt and the clerical collar around his neck.

“What the fuck is that?” I ask quietly. He doesn’t seem to understand, but then realizes where I’m looking.

“Theo, it’s not what you think,” he says, his voice suddenly strained and eyes wide. Annie, who is standing at the counter with her face buried in the sunflowers, sets them down, a worried crease between her eyebrows.

“Or maybe it’s exactly what I think!” I say loudly. “What the fuck were you doing at an assisted living facility, Ben? And then staying at a fancy hotel? Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“Please, can you just let me explain?” Ben says desperately, going to the paper bag Annie left on the counter and pulling out a large bottle of dark amber tequila, a few other grocery items, and a manila envelope. From the bottom of the bag, he produces a knit beanie hat and several Polaroid pictures, which he holds out to me.

“What is this?” I fold my arms, hating how vulnerable I feel. Not only did I let this man into my home, but I allowed myself to feel things for him that I didn’t think I’d ever feel again after Ros left. He falters when I don’t touch the photos, then sets them on the counter.

“I went…I went to see my abuelita,” he says softly.

“Why would I believe that? Why would you need to wear the collar to go see your own grandmother?” I spit at him, feeling overwhelmingly guilty, but still holding my ground. He promised us an explanation–he owes us an explanation–and now I’m going to get one, whether he likes it or not. Annie walks over and puts a hand on Ben’s arm, but stays silent.

“Because she doesn’t know…” Ben sighs. “She doesn’t know that I…was laicized. She has dementia, and it’s bad, so I never told her. Even if I had, she probably wouldn’t remember.”

He begins unwrapping the seal around the bottle of tequila. I stand perfectly still until he goes into the kitchen to pull three shot glasses off my shelf, then I walk over and look at the photos.

There’s five of them. Three are just of Ben and an impossibly old, frail-looking woman in a hospital-type bed. He’s sitting beside her, hugging her, wearing the beanie and his clerical collar, and absolutely beaming. In another one, she’s holding his hands and bowing her head in what looks like a prayer, and in the third, Ben is lying next to her in the bed, reading a book of what looks like poetry. The other photos have two extra people in them: a man who looks vaguely familiar to me, although I don’t know why, and a beautiful woman who absolutely has to be Ben’s sister. In these photos, everyone is gathered around the old woman’s bed, and she’s smiling broadly.

I put the photos down and watch Ben pour three shots of tequila. He puts one in front of me and one in front of Annie, then lifts the other one up and throws it back. I glance at Annie, but she’s watching him with a frown on her face.

“So, why didn’t you just…tell us that before you left?” I ask, sitting at the counter with a sigh.

Ben pours another shot, but doesn’t take it. “Because it’s a much longer story than that,” he says, “and I’m not telling it if I’m the only one drinking, so bottoms up.”

He lifts his shot glass and raises his eyebrows at us. Begrudgingly, I pick mine up. Annie lifts hers too, inspecting the golden liquid. I take mine first and grimace, then Ben takes his, then Annie.

“Delicious,” she says with a grin. “Better than what was in your flask.”

“Well, this is the good shit my sister brings me straight from Mexico.” He lets out a dark laugh, then looks up at me from underneath those eyelashes that are so long and dark they should be illegal, especially on a face like his.

“Do you believe me, osito?” he asks quietly.

I look back down at the photos and sigh, “Tell us the whole story. I won’t judge, I promise.”

He pours and takes another shot, and Annie holds her glass out for more too. I cover mine up with a hand when he offers a refill. I need a clear head for this.

“I told you, I’m the youngest of four,” he starts, “but I’m the only one who was born here. My brother and two sisters were all born in Mexico, and my parents went through hell to bring them here. After that, I’m sure you know the story. Immigrant parents busted their asses to give us everything. Eventually, they were doing well enough with their business that they needed some help at home, so they brought my abuelita here too. She and my sister, Yelena, practically raised me. I got into some trouble right at the end of high school, just doing dumb teenager shit, and our family’s priest, Father Emile, really helped me through it.

“At that point, my brother and sisters were all on their way to becoming really successful. I didn’t know where I wanted my life to go, but I couldn’t let them all down by becoming a piece of shit. I told Father Emile I wanted to do something that would help people, people who needed it, and he’s the one who suggested the priesthood. Back then, I was…a lot more religious, and my family was so thrilled with the idea, especially my abuelita. I just couldn’t stomach the idea of continuing to disappoint them, so I went to seminary. The whole…celibacy thing, I guess I thought I could get over it as long as I felt like I was doing good work. Didn’t ever really feel like I was meant to have relationships anyway…”

“Don’t they screen for that sort of thing?” I ask softly. “People who are joining for the wrong reasons?”

“They do, but enrollment is so low right now, they’re more willing to overlook it, especially if your family makes a big enough donation to the school,” Ben says bitterly. I nod, then let him pour me another shot while he keeps talking.

“When my abuelita had to go into memory care a few years ago, they got her a place here, close to me, because I was the only one who had time to go see her regularly. Yelena’s schedule is a bit crazy, being a real estate queen married to a big time movie star, you know.” He taps one of the Polaroids, and I realize why the man standing beside Yelena looks so familiar.

“That’s Santino Ramirez, isn’t it? Your sister is married to Santino Ramirez?”

“Yeah,” Ben laughs, pouring another shot. “You can look it up if you don’t believe me. She sold him a house and then moved into it with him a month later. My other sister is a lawyer who’s argued in front of the Supreme fucking Court. My brother is a doctor, off saving the world, giving orphans polio vaccines or something. And…here I am.”

He takes another shot and leans on the counter, looking so much older all of a sudden, like the weight of every confession is pulling him down, making it hard for him to stand. I want to hold him up, but I don’t move.

“Ben…” says Annie softly, reaching her hand out. He takes it and kisses her fingers one by one.

“Anyway, when I…got laicized…my family stopped speaking to me. Except Yelena, because we’ve always been close, and my abuelita, because her doctor actually recommended I not tell her. He said it could upset her so much that it might make things worse, and she probably wouldn’t remember it anyway. So, I wear the collar when I go see her. I tell her everything in my parish is perfect and wonderful, and I pray with her. Yelena and Santino play along. And now…now, if I ever get married, or have any kind of family, she’ll never be able to meet them. Because I fucked up, because I couldn’t keep my promises, I have to live with the fact that it might actually kill her…just to meet the people I love.”

He looks up at me, his voice cracks, and I think my heart does too.

“I am so sorry, Ben,” says Annie, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek. He holds her for a moment, and there’s a violent tug behind my breastbone, pulling me toward them, but I just clear my throat and push my shot glass forward. Ben gives me a weak smile and fills it. I take a shaky breath and throw it back, then look him in the eyes.

“The first time I…slept with another man,” I say slowly, “the summer after I graduated high school, I locked myself in his bathroom afterwards and had a full on panic attack because I thought I was going directly to Hell. Like, they were going to come up and pull me through the floor or something.”

Annie gives an incredulous laugh, but Ben is watching me.

“Are we doing confession now?” he asks quietly.

“Only seems fair,” I say with a shrug.

“Alright.” He takes another shot. “My other big secret is that…I play drums…in a Green Day cover band.”

I can’t help but howl with laughter. “You what?”

“You heard me,” says Ben, a fake scowl twisting his mouth. The tension between us cracks. “Go on, Saint Theo, cough up another one.”

“Fine.” I take another shot. “I have a collection…of Star Wars Legos.”

Ben cackles and I stand up, wobbling slightly, then lead them both to the closet in my hallway. It’s intended to hold sheets and towels, but is actually full of Star Wars Lego sets. Some of them were gifts from Ros and my family, while others I bought myself. A few are half-assembled, but mostly they’re still in their boxes, because Dante and Virgil liked to knock them off the shelves I tried to put them on.

“Oh, we are definitely building a few of these,” Ben says with a grin, pulling out one of the boxes and inspecting it.

“Deal,” I tell him, then I turn to Annie. “Your turn, sweetheart.”

She looks quizzical, but then goes back over to the counter and takes her shot. Ben and I follow and wait with bated breath to hear what kind of secrets a demon might have.

“I have a…a sibling,” she says casually.

“What?” Ben laughs.

“Well, they are not what you might call a sibling, but I suppose they are the closest thing to a sibling I can have. We were created from the same flame, and they have been with me through all my centuries, working side-by-side.”

“What’s their crazy demon name?” I ask, the fog of the tequila beginning to roll into my head and my speech.

“Erremoz’gaath,” she says, sounding almost wistful.

“Do you miss them?” Ben asks. She doesn’t answer immediately, just watches as he pours her another shot, then takes it.

“No, but I missed you,” she says in a whisper, meeting his eyes. Ben looks like he might crumple, and puts his arms around her again. Annie folds into him, pressing her face into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” I murmur. “I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“Nah, it’s ok,” he answers. “I mean…we haven’t known each other long, and I could’ve been more honest with you. It’s just hard to talk about.”

“I know.”

“So…” he says, glancing between us, “the next confession better be about what was going on when I got back…”

I swear Annie blushes, then she looks at me with a small smile.

“We’d just woken up,” I tell him, unsure why I’m lying.

Ben just smirks. “Alright, if that’s how it’s gonna be. Maybe one more shot will do it. Here, Annie, like this.”

He pours another shot for himself, then puts his hands behind his back, lowers his head and wraps his mouth around the glass. Blood rushes to my extremities as I remember how he looked in the car with his mouth around my cock like that. He lifts the glass and tilts his head back, swallowing the tequila, then leaning back down to drop the glass onto the counter.

Annie grins and imitates him, putting her hands behind her back and bending over. As she does, Ben winks at me and pulls something that looks like a necklace out of his pocket. He quickly moves to stand behind her just as she has her head tilted back, tequila pouring down her throat, and grabs her wrists. She makes a surprised sound when he wraps the necklace around them, but there’s nothing she can really do.

“I have a little theory,” Ben says as she bends over again and clumsily drops the glass onto the counter. When she straightens up, he leans in to kiss her neck.

“What is your theory?” she sighs, closing her eyes.

“I think our sweet Annie here can’t use those pesky shadows when she’s having a lot of…human feelings,” Ben says with a wicked grin. Annie’s face morphs with surprise, and she flexes her long fingers, trying to call up the tendrils of shadow. Nothing. “Or maybe it’s just the tequila. Either way, I plan to take full advantage.” Ben grabs her bound wrists, tugging her back into him and slipping his hand over the front of her neck.

“Solid theory.” I’m slurring my words as I slip off my chair and move over to them. “What do you think, sweetheart?”

She lets out a low growl, showing me her fangs, but I can see the tiny sparkle in her eye. “I think that the two of you will be in a lot of trouble when I get my shadows back,” she hisses, “but until then, I suppose I have no choice but to…accept my circumstances…”

Ben nips the side of her neck, and I put my hands on her waist, running them up her body.

“And what circumstances would those be?” Ben asks.

“The ones where you have tied my hands behind my back with what I believe is…a rosary,” Annie replies. I peek around her shoulder and see that she’s right. Her wrists are tied with an actual rosary, the cross dangling down between her fingers. I raise my eyebrows at Ben.

“It’s not blessed, it can’t hurt her,” he says with a shrug. “You just keep all that Catholic guilt under control, Saint Theo, and let it happen. Now, mi amor, tell me exactly what you were planning on doing with him while I was gone.”

“I do not think that is any of your business,” Annie laughs, running her eyes up and down my body while Ben moves his hands over her ass, then slips his fingers into her shorts.

“Ah, but I told you to be gentle with him, and considering how wet you are right now, I don’t think that was your plan,” he breathes, and Annie’s back arches. I press my lips to the hollow of her throat and cup her breasts between my hands.

“She was definitely planning something,” I say to Ben, “and as much as I probably would’ve enjoyed it, I don’t think she deserves to get off scot-free.”

Ben suddenly grabs her hips and spins her around, then puts his shoulder into her stomach, folding her over and lifting her off the ground. Her feet dangle, and she lets out a pitched squeal, but her beautiful, round ass is now level with my face, and I can guess what he has in mind. I run my hands up the backs of her thighs to where the shorts are now wedged between her cheeks. Annie’s breathing quickens as I slide my thumbs under the fabric.

“Sweetheart, you’d better get rid of these right now,” I growl, tugging on them.

“I cannot,” she gasps, so I rip them down her legs and toss them aside. She’s on full display in front of me now, just as wet as Ben said, and it’s everything I can do not to bury my tongue in her like I did the day before. But…I want to savor it this time. I want to take as long as I possibly can with her—with both of them. Ben’s eyes are wide and shining, flicking between me and Annie’s hip, which is beside his face.

“You’re in charge today, osito.”

“Take her to the couch and keep her like this,” I tell him. He pauses a moment to grab the bottle of tequila, then obeys, sitting on the couch while keeping his grip on the backs of her knees. I follow them and strip my shirt off. Ben takes one more swig from the tequila bottle and hands it to me. I take one too, then set it on the side table as he reaches out and grabs me, pulling me into him and kissing my stomach. Conveniently, both his mouth and Annie’s hips are level with my cock, which is rapidly becoming hard again. But, wanting to savor everything this time, I drop onto my knees in front of them and grab Annie’s ass with both hands, spreading her and running just the tip of my tongue over her entrance. She shudders and groans, and Ben licks his lips when our eyes meet.

“How does she taste?” he asks breathlessly. I run my tongue deeper through her pussy, lapping up every drop of wetness I can, then grab the back of Ben’s head and kiss him hard. He accepts it eagerly, one hand drifting around to my back and cupping my ass while I push my tongue between his teeth.

“Theo, please…I need you…” Annie begs, shifting on Ben’s shoulder. I release him and drift my mouth back over to her, spread out so nicely for me, then lower my chin so I can suck her clit, closing my eyes to revel in the way she clenches around the top of my thumb when I slide it inside her. Then, there’s a sudden gush of liquid that tastes less like Annie and more like tequila. I open my eyes to see Ben carefully holding the bottle above her, trickling it out slowly so it flows over her pussy and straight into my mouth. I open wider and he keeps pouring.

“What is that?” she gasps.

“Just a little liquid courage for Saint Theo before he fucks you for the first time, mi amor,” Ben answers, lifting the bottle and setting it back down, then looking at me. “Stand up.”

I do, and even though my head is muddled from the alcohol, I’ve also never been clearer somehow. Ben hooks a finger through my sweatpants and I remove them, letting him take hold of my cock. He slides it into his mouth and I reach down to grip his hair.

“Ben…oh fuck, you feel so good,” I murmur.

“If the two of you are quite done,” Annie snarls from behind him. He releases me, turns his head, and sinks his teeth into her ass cheek, making her yelp and kick her feet. When he pulls away, there’s a deep bite mark left behind, and for some reason it makes me even harder. I never thought I was into this kind of shit, but something about Ben just brings it out of me.

“Patience is a virtue, Annie,” I remind her, “but I can see how desperate you are.”

I slip two fingers inside her and she gasps. “Please, Theo, please, I need more of you…”

“Just getting him nice and hard for you first, Annie girl,” Ben assures her. While I just try to stay upright, two fingers buried inside Annie and my other hand tangled in his hair, he returns to sucking me off. He’s so good, it takes all my willpower not to finish in his mouth.

“Ben, please,” Annie whines. “You cannot do this!”

He slides my cock out of his mouth and pats her playfully on the ass. “Go on, then, Theo. But slowly. I wanna watch every inch of you go inside her.”

I adjust my position so I’m standing behind Annie, lining up the head of my cock with her entrance. She’s writhing and kicking her feet now, wriggling her hips backwards, but Ben holds her in place with both arms and watches me.

I hesitate for a moment, like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff and considering whether or not I can afford to jump. But the way they’re both pulling me down is too strong. Knowing I’m about to lose myself completely, I seize the rosary binding her wrists and give into the feeling, just praying they’ll be there to catch me.

30

Annie

Finally having Theo inside me is like nothing I have ever experienced. The connection between us burns like a fuse, sparking and crackling between our bodies. My back arches, and I nearly scream his name as he gasps mine. Ben has a tight grip on my legs, but Theo’s hands quickly find my hips, and he buries his cock so deep in me, I can no longer breathe. When he starts to pull back, I nearly beg him not to leave me empty, but then his hips slam against mine, filling me again. I shudder with satisfaction.

“Harder,” Ben murmurs, and Theo obliges, his fingertips digging ruthlessly into my hips as he continues to fuck me. With my hands behind my back, slung over Ben’s shoulder, I am completely at their mercy. I have never been helpless before, but this feels so good I do not ever want it to end.

“Theo!” I manage to cry. “Please, please, please…do not stop…” My voice trails off as he buries himself in me again.

“Fuck, Annie, you’re so tight and perfect,” he moans.

“Being a good girl too,” Ben says, with an edge in his voice. “She’s taking you so well, but I need a taste now.” Theo slows his movements, then withdraws, and a spark of anger and desperation shoots through me, like it did in the car.

“No!” I snarl. “No, Theo! I need you. Can you see how badly I need you?” I wriggle, trying to get free from Ben’s grasp so I can find Theo again, but he holds on tighter, and I feel the sting of a hard slap on my buttocks.

“Hush, Annie,” says Ben, laughter and threats both dancing through his voice. “Let me see how you two taste, and then you can have him back.” Theo’s faint moans and the soft noises of Ben sucking him off drift down to my ears, but it only makes me struggle harder.

“Annie, if you don’t stop, you’re gonna find yourself in a very unfortunate situation,” Ben warns.

I do not care anymore. I need one of them. Both of them. I make noises that I am almost ashamed of as I fight Ben’s grip, then suddenly he stands up and drops me into the couch, face down, with my ass still in the air and knees beneath me. The rosary beads dig into my wrists, but the ache of it sends me deeper into my frenzy. I need more. More pressure, more pain, more torture, more of anything they want to give me. I will take it.

“You wanna fight me?” Ben growls, crouching down and taking a fistful of my hair, pulling my head back so I have to look him in the eye. “Alright, have it your way. Theo, fuck her until she’s about to come, but don’t let her.”

I look up to see a wanton grin on Theo’s face. He kneels behind me on the couch, teasing me with the tip of his cock, then I feel another slap across my ass. I lean back, trying to get him inside me again, but he edges away.

“Fuck, she’s so needy,” he mutters. “I love this.”

“Just wait,” Ben says. He removes his pants, but keeps the black shirt and clerical collar, then sits on the couch beside my head and slides over so my face is in his lap. “You’re going to suck my cock now, Annie, and if you do it good enough, Theo will let you come. Understand?”

I nod and fumble to get my mouth on him while he pulls my hair into a tight grip to guide me. It is a good thing I do not technically need to breathe in this body, because his cock hits the back of my throat at the same time Theo roughly thrusts back inside me. I cannot make a sound except a low groan that never makes it past my lips.

“Do you…have to…keep the collar on?” Theo pants, and I raise my eyes to see Ben smiling.

“Don’t tell me you never wanted to fuck your own personal demon while watching her suck off a priest.”

“Can’t say that was on my list, no.” Theo laughs breathlessly, but I think he likes it more than he is letting on, because he fucks me harder, gripping my waist so tight I think he might leave bruises. I let out another deep moan, and Ben echoes it, so I do it over and over, every time Theo’s hips collide with mine.

Even with my hands tied behind me, I somehow manage to find a rhythm that elicits the unholiest of noises from all three of us. Each time I get too loud, however–too close to my release–Theo slows and pulls out, deepening my agitated state. It is just as excruciating as it is erotic, and my entire being might as well be aflame.

“Please!” I groan around Ben’s cock after the fifth time Theo has jerked me back from the brink. “Please, Theo, I need…I need…”

“You need to make him come in your mouth, Annie, before you get anything from me,” Theo says, his voice full of command that makes me need him even more–deeper, harder, faster. Anything.

Luckily for me, Ben cannot seem to hold out any longer. He seizes my head, pushing me down, and his release shoots into the back of my throat, then across my tongue as I clamp my lips around his cock. The whimpering sound he makes pushes me further toward the edge.

When his grip on me loosens and his body relaxes, Theo grabs my hair and yanks me back. It hurts, but I want more. I am on my knees now, with one of his arms around my waist, the other on my throat. He pulls my chin around and his mouth finds mine. The exchange is sloppy, needy, hurried, and Ben gives a satisfied sigh as his cum drips down Theo’s chin and onto my breasts, now barely contained in the thin tank top I cannot make disappear.

“Fuck, that’s perfect,” he moans. “I can die happy now. Annie, do you think you’ve been a good girl?” He is leaning back, unbuttoning his shirt and watching while Theo holds us both upright, braced on the back of the couch, still fucking me so hard that my eyes roll back and I can barely think.

All I can manage to do is gasp, “Yes, Ben.”

“Theo?” he says casually. Theo responds by pausing for a moment, his ragged breaths brushing the outside of my ear. I try to move my own body, to continue the sweet, delicious movement sending me into a tailspin, but he holds me firmly, his cock poised to pull out if I so much as breathe wrong.

“She did take both of us with her hands tied behind her back,” he laughs, grazing the side of my neck with his teeth. Every muscle in my body clenches as I let out soft, whining breaths, begging them both with my eyes if not my voice. Ben lifts himself up, pulls his shirt and clerical collar off, then moves over so I am trapped between them. He grabs me by the jaw, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“Do you know what you did wrong, Annie?” he asks, voice low and heady.

“I-I tried to get Theo to fuck me while you were gone.”

“You didn’t trust me,” he murmurs, nipping at my lower lip. “You didn’t think I was coming back, and you were so needy, you just couldn’t wait. You aren’t going to do that again, are you?”

“No, Ben.”

“I’ll always come back to you. Both of you. So, Annie, you either take both of us, or neither of us. Understand me?”

“Yes, love,” I whisper. He presses against me, holding my body firmly between his and Theo’s as his mouth meets mine. Theo lets out a soft sigh in my ear, then plants a few soft kisses on my shoulder before Ben pulls him up. Their lips lock together beside my cheek, and I cannot imagine anything more than this.

I cannot imagine anything better, or more beautiful, or so perfectly made for me; the creature I am now, who feels loved for the first time in all her centuries of existence. Loved–something I never thought I could be. Something I did not think was meant for me. Something that ignites a spark so deep inside my body, I can no longer contain it. A loud rushing sound fills my ears, coming from the shadows that have begun to swirl and churn around my hands, face, and back. I cannot control them, just as I could not control when my claws appeared in the car, but now I think I understand what my magic truly wants. I understand why it has hidden itself in moments when I experience the rawness of human emotions.

“Annie?” Theo asks warily. “What’s going on?”

“Do not be afraid,” I whisper. “My magic. It wants me to be known, to be seen…to be loved, for exactly what I am.”

“I don’t understand…” Ben mutters. The shadows begin to coalesce around my body, forming into deadly claws at my fingertips, then into a pair of sleek, black rams’ horns that curl around my face. Finally, they form into a long, black tail, capped with a pointed barb, which sprouts from my lower back and wraps itself slowly around Theo’s waist, tugging him closer to me.

“Holy fuck,” he whispers.

Ben reaches out to grip his shoulder, steadying him. “It’s alright, osito. Safe, right, Annie?”

“Yes,” I answer as Ben runs his fingers over my horns, then down my body and over the base of my tail.

“No goat hooves?” he asks with a grin, and I give a breathless laugh.

“Please, Theo, do not be afraid of me,” I murmur, turning my head to try and look at him. His vice grip on my body has loosened, and he does not answer immediately, but the connection between us still burns and sparks like a livewire. Finally, his hand snakes back around my throat and his lips graze the top of my shoulder.

“I’m not, Annie,” he whispers, and he slowly begins moving his hips again, his hard cock filling me again and pushing a loud moan from my mouth.

“Good,” Ben growls, “because this is so fucking hot.” With a hungry smile, he grips the front of my tank top with both hands and tears it open to expose the rest of me. His teeth sink into the side of my breast and I cry out, but he does not stop, and neither does Theo.

They devour me–their fingers and teeth marking every inch of my body. Pressed between them, bound and helpless, I can do nothing but watch and breathe and beg them not to stop. With every spark of pain, every wave of pleasure, every kiss and thrust and whispered word of praise, they push me closer to what feels like madness. Surely, there will be no returning from this. Surely, their touch has burned away everything I was, leaving me raw and reborn. Ben seems to sense when I am on the precipice, but this time he directs Theo to keep going, then grabs my jaw and kisses me hard.

“You want to come now, sweet Annie?” he rasps into my mouth as his hand drifts down to rub my clit.

“Please,” is all I can say. Theo’s hands wrap around my horns and he uses them to jerk my head back as he thrusts into me again. Then, his movements become absolutely torturous, slowly sliding his cock all the way out and reentering, again and again, allowing me to feel every inch of him every time. My tail is still wrapped around his waist, but when I attempt to use it to direct his pace, he pulls out and growls a rough warning in my ear. He will only fuck me again when I loosen the tail and allow him to retake control.

My low whines turn to whimpers, then moans, and when they finally release me, it feels almost the same as my flight out of Hell. I am soaring, burning, and rising all at once, seeing things I have never seen before as I climb. Finally, I burst through the barrier between worlds, bathed in soft sunlight. Theo and I fall sideways together, his face buried in the back of my neck as he comes too.

He whispers my name over and over, like a penance or a prayer, and we lie there tangled up in each other, my tail swishing softly over his hip, the barb gently teasing up and down his spine. After a minute, the rosary beads around my wrists loosen and he pulls them away, dropping them onto the floor. I roll to face him and he opens his eyes. Blue, like the sky on a clear day. Blue, like the lake at the park. Blue, like the flowers he calls forget-me-nots. He runs his thumb over the curve of one of my horns, over my cheek, and over my lips. Then, he kisses me, and I am lost again.

Lost, until I feel it inside him: a glimmer, an opening, an emotion. Something real and raw and new. Something not muddled by sadness or loss. Something powerful beyond comprehension.

A horrifying voice echoes from the back of my mind. Take him, it commands.

“No,” I whisper out loud.

Theo’s eyes flutter back open, and he looks at me with a strange expression. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

I can feel her claws. The demon. The part of me I have held back all these weeks. The creature that has somehow separated from what I am now—Annoth’zagoz of the Seventh Tower. She tears through me, ravaging and raging, scenting Theo’s weakness, and my own. She wants to take him, use him, hurt him. She wants to make him hurt Ben. She will destroy everything I have come to care about.

“No!” I whimper, and try to scramble away from Theo, but she seizes me by the throat. “No, please, do not hurt him! Theo…no…”

“Ben!” Theo shouts, grabbing my shoulders. “Ben, something’s wrong!” They are both beside me, but Annoth reaches through my human body, and I cannot fight her. I take Theo’s sweet face in my hands as the blackness of her fury closes in on the edges of my vision. I love you, I try to say, but she will not allow me to speak the words I desperately need them to hear. I love you both so much.

“Please forgive me,” is all I can whisper before everything goes dark.

31

Theo

When I kiss Annie, something changes. First, I feel it in my chest, like a bubble expanding, or a fist clenching my heart. I want to be closer to her, to feel every beat of her heart from the inside, to let myself drown in her shadows. I know this feeling. I think I love you, Annie. I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. It’s too raw, too new, and I’m too afraid. Then the hand around my heart twists, painfully.

“No,” Annie whispers, and I open my eyes to see that hers are black again. Not a deep, soft, velvet black like they were in the car, but a black tinged with red—a furious, terrifying, raging black.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” I ask, and glance at Ben, who is lying on the other side of the couch with his eyes closed. He snaps up and looks between us. There’s a new heat rushing under her skin, and her breathing quickens, her arms suddenly and violently trembling, her barbed tail whipping back and forth above us.

“No!” She moves away from me. “No, please, do not hurt him! Theo…no…”

“Ben!” I cry, and grab onto her. “Ben, something’s wrong!”

He launches himself across the couch and puts an arm around her shoulders, but Annie holds my face tenderly as her expression twists from fear, to hurt, to love, and finally…into something malevolent.

“Please forgive me,” she says softly, and then her hands move from my cheeks to my throat. She slams me back against the arm of the couch and shadows pour from her mouth, surrounding all of us with a sickening darkness.

“Annie, no!” Ben yells, and he tries to move around to her side, but her tail lashes out and wraps around his neck, the barb cutting into his cheek. She’s strangling both of us, and the shadows flying from her mouth swarm around my face.

“Please…Annie, don’t do this,” I beg, but I can see the darkness seeping through her veins, pushing out the sweet, gentle warmth and love.

She’s going to take me now, because I let her in. I let this happen. I was so desperate for company, for kindness, that now the two people I care about most are at Annoth’s mercy. The sight of Ben struggling in her grip is too much, and I jerk my knee up hard, hitting her in the stomach. She hisses in pain, and he manages to rip the tail away from his throat, then tries to come to my aid. But a pair of enormous, dark, leathery wings explode from her back in a flurry of new shadows and one of them strikes him in the chest. He topples over the coffee table and lies prone on the floor. The other wing leaves a long gouge in the wall, ripping and tearing as she uses it to get leverage while I thrash beneath her.

“Annie, it’s me! It’s Theo!” I cry, praying I can reach through the demon somehow and find the woman. The one I care about. The one who loves Star Wars and ate French toast with me and met my family. But there’s no recognition in her eyes—no love, no joy. Only violence and rage. She bares her deadly fangs and lets out a horrific screech that tears through my body, leaving me even weaker as her hands tighten around my throat and her shadows force their way deeper into my body. Ben struggles to his feet and staggers over to us, then falls to his knees and grabs her arm.

“Annie, mi amor, look at me! It’s me! Not him! Remember our deal, Annie? You can have me! Please let him go!” She doesn’t stop, and he switches to a language that might be Latin. The edges of my vision blur as her shadows pour into me and her claws come close to puncturing my skin. I can’t stay conscious much longer. Ben’s panicked eyes meet mine as he whispers prayer after prayer, trying to call her back, trying to banish Annoth, trying to save us both.

“I’m sorry,” I try to tell him, then I slip beneath the dark waves.

When I wake up, I’m warm, but I can’t open my eyes for fear of what I might see. Ben, dead or bleeding out on my floor? My neighbors? My family? Who did she get her claws on? What did she make me do? I sprawl my hands beside me, expecting to feel them soaked in blood, but instead it’s just the soft fabric of my sheets.

I’m covered in a blanket, and I’m wearing a pair of athletic shorts now. The memory of the three of us on the couch springs back into my head and I groan. I’ve never felt like that in my life–never felt like this for anyone, and now what am I going to find, except the ruins of that relationship? I open my eyes slowly. It looks like dusk outside the window. My body is achy, and I have a headache from Hell…literally, but there’s a glass of water on the nightstand that wasn’t there before. Ben.

I launch myself out of bed and race down the hall to find him in the living room, which looks like it was hit by a tornado. There’s a massive gash in the wall above the couch, which is sprinkled with chunks of drywall and insulation. Part of the coffee table is shattered, and the arm of the couch is shredded. Ben sits on one end, looking exhausted and tense, hand in his hair. He’s wearing sweats, but he’s shirtless. There’s a massive bruise in the center of his chest, as well as a long cut on his cheek.

“You’re ok,” I sob as he stands up, crosses the room, and wraps me in his arms. “Oh God, Ben. You’re ok. I thought…” Over his shoulder, I can see what looks like a cocoon sitting on the other end of the couch. It’s made from two enormous, bat-like wings, each capped with a single, lethal talon. One of the wings shifts slightly, and I think I can just make out Annie’s pale face and dark eyes peering at me from inside, but she closes the gap again without a word.

“How do you feel?” Ben asks, putting a hand on my chest.

“I’m alright. Are you? This looks bad.” I brush my fingers over the injury on his chest.

“It’s not, I promise.”

“Maybe we should take you to the hospital, just to be sure.”

“Do I look like a guy with health insurance?” he says with a strained smile. “Come back here so we can talk.”

He pulls me away from the wing-cocoon and into the bedroom, where I fall onto the edge of the mattress. Ben stands in front of me, and I lean into his chest while he rests his chin on the top of my head.

“I thought you were dead,” I murmur, tears burning my eyes. “I thought she killed you, or that she made me do it. I was so fucking scared.” Before long, I’m crying on him. He just holds me and runs his hand in circles over my back.

“It’s ok, osito,” he says softly. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea that could happen. I-I should’ve been more careful.”

“What did happen?” I raise my head and wipe my face. “I mean, she had control. The tail and horns and claws seemed fine, but then…”

“She said something took over. Her ‘demon side’–Annoth. She said it felt like she was possessed, that she tried to fight it off, but it was too strong. I managed to talk her down, talk her out of whatever it was, and she finally got it under control. She was so upset, Theo. She didn’t want to hurt either of us.”

“So she’s…still there?”

“Yes, just very shaken up. She won’t come out of the…wings.” He gestures behind him and a small smile plays on his lips. I rub my forehead, then a memory surfaces of something Ben said before I blacked out.

“What did you mean…about your deal? When you were trying to talk her down, you told her to remember your deal.”

He runs a hand through his hair and over the back of his neck, looking guilty, then sits beside me on the bed. “Theo…I-I made a deal with her. That first night I stayed here. I swear, I was just trying to help you!”

A cold trickle of dread washes over me. What on earth had Ben promised the demon? “Tell me, please.”

“I asked her to back off of you. I made her promise that she wouldn’t try to…take you, and that she would help me get you back on your feet.”

“And…in return?”

“I promised she could have me instead…once we figured out how to separate the two of you.” Ben won’t meet my eyes, and I stand up, then brace myself against the dresser when I feel like I might pass out.

“Why? Why would you do that?” I breathe.

“I was trying to help you, Theo. I cared about you and I couldn’t let–”

“Cared about me? You didn’t know me at all!”

“But I could see you were a good person. You didn’t deserve what she was doing to you, or what she had planned.”

“You’re a good person, Ben!”

“No, I’m not! Not like you, anyway…” He looks away, and grief crushes my chest. How can he not see what a wonderful man he is? How could he do something like that for me, a complete stranger, and then not even tell me about it? Especially after it became obvious that I had feelings for him?

“You thought you could trust her, but she’s obviously been playing you this whole time,” I spit. “Playing both of us, just waiting for an opportunity.”

“Theo, that’s not true,” Ben insists. “You didn’t see how upset she was once I got her back. I know she can’t cry, but…she was damn close. She hates herself.”

“Once you got her back, or once she decided to come back?”

“She knew what was happening and she couldn’t stop it. She asked you to forgive her when she felt the demon taking over! She had no control!”

“That doesn’t make any sense! How can a demon be possessed by itself?”

“I don’t know!” Ben says, standing up and walking over to me. Gently, he pulls me around to face him and runs his thumb along my jaw. “I don’t know. I just…I just feel it. I trust her, and I need you to trust me, Theo. Please.”

“I do trust you, but I can’t risk my life on your feelings,” I say softly, intertwining our fingers. “You need to talk her out of the deal. Lie to her, if you have to, and then we have to go through with the exorcism in a few weeks. This can’t happen again. It could put my family at risk…and you. I can’t lose you.”

His eyes soften, and he leans in to kiss me. I bring my hand up to hold his face, and his arms snake around my back, holding me tight against him.

“I can’t lose you,” he murmurs against my lips, “but…Annie–I don’t want to lose her either. She deserves a chance at life, doesn’t she?”

“Theo…” says a soft voice from the doorway. Annie is standing there, naked, but with tendrils of shadow curling around her breasts and thighs, and she’s also still sporting the wings, horns, fangs, and tail. I can’t help but recoil, but she looks horrified when I do. She turns to go back to the living room, covering herself with the massive wings, which stretch above her head all the way to the floor.

“Hey, wait!” Ben says, reaching out and grabbing the edge of her wing. She turns, but yanks it out of his grip.

“Theo, I am so sorry,” she whispers. “I-I know you will not believe me, but I did not do it on purpose. She…she took over. Annoth.”

“Explain it to me,” I say as kindly as I can.

“I cannot. It was…as if I buried her. All these weeks, I pushed her away, and we…separated, I suppose. I am not her anymore. I am…myself. I cannot explain it any other way, Theo, please believe me. She felt something inside you and she attacked. I would never hurt you–either of you.”

I swallow hard, remembering what came over me just before Annie’s eyes went black: I think I love you. That must have been it. Annoth, the demon, must have sensed that moment of vulnerability and pounced. As much as I want to go to Annie and take her in my arms and kiss her and forgive her, I can’t. I can’t allow either of them back in now. It was my feelings for Annie, and probably Ben too, that allowed the demon to almost get her claws into me in the first place. I have to keep it under control if I want to survive this.

“Thank you for telling me,” I say softly. “I-I think, for now, it’s best if we just…stay away from each other, and you stay in that body. I also need you to release Ben from the deal the two of you made. It isn’t fair to him, especially since he only did it to protect me.”

“Theo, if she does that, she’ll have no choice but to go back once the exorcism is done,” Ben says quietly.

“I will do it,” Annie says, stepping forward and holding her hand out to Ben. “I will release him. Once it is done, I will go…home.”

“Annie, no…” Ben breathes, pulling her into him. She melts against his chest, her shadows and wings wrapping around his body until I can hardly see either of them.

“Ben, I cannot risk your safety, or Theo’s,” she murmurs. “As long as she is still inside me, she could hurt you.”

“I don’t care,” Ben says firmly. He looks back at me, keeping his arms around her. “I’m not backing out of our deal. I won’t let her go, Theo. I’m sorry. If she gets recalled now, they might punish her for the things she’s done.”

I shake my head and my voice breaks when I say, “Then…after it’s done, maybe you should go. I can’t risk bringing you around my family again, Annie. I’m sorry.”

“I understand,” she whispers, then vanishes in a puff of smoky, black shadows. I hear her moving around in the living room and raise my eyes to look at Ben. I’m about to lose them both and I can’t fucking stand it. He’s picking her over me. I almost hate him for it. Almost.

“Theo, please,” he says, voice thick with desperate pain as he turns to face me and moves closer, “don’t make me choose between you and her.”

I fold my arms over my chest. “You don’t need me. You two can have each other. I’m just…getting in your way.”

“That’s not true and you know it!”

“Why are you trying so hard to hold on to both of us?!”

“Because I love you!” Ben hisses, and I feel like I’ve been struck in the chest. “Goddamnit, I know how idiotic I sound! I barely know you, and she’s literally a demon, but it’s true! I love you, Theo! I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You can sit there with all your practicality and logic, and judge me to Hell and back, but I’m not backing down from this. I love you, and I love her too, so the thought of losing one of you…it’s killing me, osito. It’s fucking killing me.” He holds a clenched fist over his heart, and I think I see tears gathering in his eyes.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” I mutter, running my fingers over his hand.

“Oh, I’m well aware,” Ben says with a pained smile.

God, I want to kiss him. I want to tell him that I love him too, not because I’m sure that I do, but because it feels right. I’ve always ignored my feelings, pushed them down, tried to intellectualize them. I didn’t tell Ros I loved her until we’d hit a bunch of arbitrary milestones, because I thought it would save me from getting hurt. Ben is the opposite. He feels everything–allows himself to feel it–and I envy him that.

We stand less than a foot apart and I battle my instinct to pull away, to distance myself, to tell him that he should sleep in the office when I really want him beside me all night. I feel like a different person when I’m with him, and with Annie. As long as I still have them, they deserve that version of me, even if it’s only for the next few weeks. For right now, that means facing the fear threatening to overwhelm me. Not necessarily the fear of Annoth’s violence, but my own fear of having my heart broken again.

“I don’t want to lose either of you,” I sigh, collapsing onto the bed and hanging my head, “but I can’t risk my family’s safety, Ben, and I can’t risk myself either. I have to stick around for Molly and the kids, if for no other reason.”

He takes my hands and threads our fingers together. “Do you trust me?”

I look up at him, at those beautiful, earnest eyes–at his dimples, still visible even though he’s frowning–and I can feel myself melting. I’ll do anything to keep him, and Annie too.

The words come out in a whisper when I say, “Yes, I do.”

Ben drops onto his knees and presses my hands to his chest. “Let me find a way,” he murmurs. “Let me try and keep us all together. Please. You don’t have to pretend everything’s ok. I’ll sleep out on the couch with her. I won’t hold your hand or kiss you or make love to you or anything, if you don’t want me to. But please, Theo, let me try and find a way.” I waver, caught between this well of fear and the strongest thing I’ve ever felt for anyone. But how am I supposed to deny him anything when he looks at me like that?

After only a minute, I relent. “Fine. You work on finding a way, and I’ll work on…keeping things as normal as I can.” He jumps up and grabs my chin, kissing me so fiercely that I fall backwards onto the bed with him on top of me.

“Sorry,” he says, lifting himself slightly, “I promised not to do that.”

“No, you can do that,” I reply in a weak voice, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down again, then pushing my fingers through his curls. His body sinks into mine and his hands grip my shoulders.

“What else?” he breathes. “Tell me where the line is.”

I clear my throat and let go of his hair. “I-I don’t know yet. I’ll think about it.”

“What about Annie? Where’s the line with her?”

“For me and her, I’m not sure yet,” I tell him. “But whatever the two of you do doesn’t seem to affect me, so…just be careful, Ben. Please. You’re too trusting sometimes.”

Another grin to die for. “I know. Believe me, I know.” He kisses me again, then stands up. “I bet you’re hungry, huh? You were asleep almost all day.”

I realize I am incredibly hungry, and also that I smell very strongly of sulfur. “Starving,” I tell him, “but I need to shower.”

“Alright, you shower. I’ll cook, and I’ll also see if I can get her to dispense with the wings and horns and shit…even though it is kinda cute.”

“You’re insane,” I laugh, but if I’m being honest, I agree with him. What the fuck is wrong with me?

32

Annie

While Theo and Ben finish talking, I sit on the couch and try to rid myself of the wings, horns, and tail. My powers are behaving strangely, and I am not certain if it is related to my feelings, the alcohol I drank, or to Annoth’s attempted takeover. She was too strong for me, and I could not keep her buried. Up until that moment, I did not realize she was buried. I still cannot understand what happened, but many things I have experienced the past few weeks have been unprecedented.

Ben’s voice was able to bring me back, and I did not permanently injure anyone, but I still hate myself for not fighting harder. I hate knowing that she is still here, lurking, waiting to hurt the people I want to protect. I hate that Theo may never completely forgive me–may never want me again the way he has the past few days. No matter what he decides, however, I must never allow it to happen again. And so, I sit with my legs crossed, focused on pulling these pieces of myself back into my body. If I can just get control over my powers again, perhaps I can figure out how to lock Annoth away for good.

“Annie girl?” Ben’s gentle voice snaps me from my concentration. No luck with the wings or horns, but the tail is gone, and I have at least managed to conjure up shorts and a tank top so I am no longer wearing only shadows. Ben and Theo are standing in front of me, both now fully dressed. Ben holds his hand out and I take it, trying to make myself, or at least the wings, smaller. Theo’s eyes run over them warily, then flicker across the massive hole I gouged in his wall. I feel as though a pit of snakes is writhing in my stomach, and I do not know what to make of the sensation.

“Theo…” I murmur. “I am so–”

“I know you’re sorry,” he replies, holding his hand up. “I don’t know what the…situation is, with you and…Annoth. But I know that you, Annie, are sorry.”

“Thank you.”

He takes a deep breath. “That being said, the only reason she was able to get a hold on me in the first place is because of my feelings for you.”

The snakes in my stomach leap at his admission. “Your feelings?” I ask, squirming–uncomfortable, but unable to understand why.

“I can’t…talk about it,” Theo says, and his face appears pained when he glances at Ben. “Not because I don’t want to, but because I need to just…keep them locked away, so she can’t use them again. Alright?”

“Yes.”

“So, here’s the deal: Ben is going to work on finding a way to…keep you around–without possessing anyone, I guess. We’re still going to get his friend here in a few weeks for an exorcism, but until then, he’s going to stay and obviously, so are you. I just…might need some space for a little while, that’s all. Until I can figure out what I’m feeling and what happened.”

“I understand.” The snakes now feel like leaden ropes, heavy and limp. I look at Ben, and he gives me a wink. I take that to mean that my relationship with him, at least, will not change.

“I promise, Annie, I’m not going to be mean to you or anything,” Theo says. His fingers twitch at his side, as if he wants to reach for my hand. It is taking all my own self-control not to put my arms around him. “I forgive you for what happened. I can see you didn’t mean it. You didn’t want to hurt either of us.”

I twist my hands together and whisper, “Thank you, Theo. I am sorry about…” I gesture vaguely at the wall and at my wings. “I will help you fix the damage, and…I am trying to get rid of the wings and horns. My powers are still not working correctly. I do not have full control.”

“That’s alright,” says Ben, stepping up and putting an arm around my waist. “Halloween is next week anyway!” His grin fills me with warmth, and even Theo smiles.

“That’s true,” he laughs. “She could probably win a costume contest with those things.”

“Ohhh.” A devilish sparkle enters Ben’s eyes. “I know exactly where I’m taking the two of you for Halloween.”

Theo looks a bit anxious, but laughs, “Why am I imagining some kind of drug-fueled EDM club where everyone dresses like demons?”

“You’re not far off, osito,” says Ben, kissing him on the cheek, then pulling his phone out and walking into the kitchen. Theo glances at me and I think, for a moment, that he might kiss me, but then he takes a step toward the hall.

“I’m gonna go shower,” he says. “Ben, are you still taking charge of food?”

“Yes, dear!” Ben calls with a wave. I venture into the kitchen, and he opens his arms to me, so I lean against his chest. When I touch the bruise on his chest, he flinches and I pull away.

“How bad is it?” I whisper, covering my face with my hands.

“Don’t you dare worry, mi amor,” Ben says, gently pulling my hands down and making me look at him.

“Theo said he wanted to take you to a hospital!” I am shaking, and there is a creeping, choking sensation in my stomach, which moves up into my throat. I lean back into Ben, balling my hands into fists at the base of his throat, and he holds me while I tremble. I wrap my wings around us, trying to block out the rest of the world and contain this sweet warmth, which does not come from my own Hellfire, but from him.

“Talk to me, Annie,” he murmurs.

“I do not know what is happening. My body feels so strange, Ben, and I want it to stop.”

“Ok, hey. We’re gonna figure this out. I promise. Tell me what it feels like.”

“Like there are…snakes inside me…but they are crawling up my throat– choking me. Sometimes they feel heavier, and sometimes they turn into bubbles, and sometimes I cannot breathe because they–”

“Annie girl,” Ben interjects, putting his fingers over my mouth. “I think you’re feeling…feelings. Emotions.”

I lean back to glare at him. “Please do not tease me, Ben. This could be serious! What if she is trying to take over again?”

“I think what you’re feeling is sadness and guilt, mi amor. You’re upset…”

“But…I cannot feel. I am not built that way,” I mutter, trying to push the idea of it away. I do not see how this could be true, and I do not want to hope that I might experience something like what Ben and Theo have. Those human emotions that make them so vulnerable and yet so alive at the same time.

“I think you’ve changed. I think, against all odds, you changed yourself.”

“Or you changed me. That night we danced, you said I should know what it means to trust someone. You trusted me with your life, even though you knew what I was. Perhaps that…did something to me.”

“Well, I’ll take a little credit, if you insist,” Ben laughs, leaning down to brush his lips against mine. I close my eyes and focus on the feeling his kiss produces inside me.

Something lighter comes into my stomach, like the tiny flutters I felt when I watched films during my first days here. My head feels almost dizzy, or off-kilter, and there is a bubbling sensation in my chest and throat. I want to laugh, even though nothing is funny, and the corners of my mouth turn up involuntarily as Ben slips his hand around the back of my neck and deepens our kiss.

When our lips part, I cannot help myself. “May I tell you that I love you?” I dare not open my eyes as I wait for him to respond.

“Oh, Annie,” he whispers, and I feel his lips pull into a smile against mine. “You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel things, and you definitely don’t need anyone’s permission to talk about them, especially with me. I want all of you. Good, bad, everything in between. Come Hell or high water, you’re mine, alright?” I finally look up at him. Theo’s eyes are blue, but Ben’s are brown, and warm, like the hot chocolate we get in the park. Brown and soft, like the earth where the forget-me-nots grow. Brown and brilliant, like the shining autumn leaves falling from the trees outside.

“I love you,” I say softly, and the feeling inside me becomes so overwhelming, I have to bury my face in my hands again. He slowly lifts my chin, his dimples on full display.

“I know,” he replies. I am taken aback for a moment before I realize he is quoting Star Wars. He kisses me again, pulling me against him, and I wrap my arms around his neck, closing my wings tighter around both of us. “I love you too. If that makes me stupid, then so be it. I’ll be so stupidly in love with you, they’ll write it on my headstone: Here lies Ben, who loved Annie so much, it rotted his brain.” He tucks a piece of hair into the curve of one of my horns, then presses his face into my neck, making me giggle.

“That would require you to have had a brain in the first place,” I tease. Ben looks delighted and reaches down to tickle my ribs. I squeal and jerk backwards, but my wings twitch, and I knock several magnets off the refrigerator.

“Shit,” I mutter, and turn around to pick them up, forcing him to duck in order to avoid being hit again.

“Easy there, Bat Girl,” he laughs. “Why don’t I work in here, and you go sit on the couch and work on those? I don’t think this apartment is quite big enough for them.”

“That might be best,” I agree, and leave him in the kitchen to cook.

“Can you actually…fly?” he asks as I resume my position on the couch. “Or are they purely decorative?”

“With this body, I am not sure. I can fly in my shadow form, so I suppose…if I made my human bones hollow, like a bird’s…perhaps I might be able to.”

“Gruesome,” Ben replies.

“Who’s flying where?” Theo asks, emerging from the hallway, rubbing his wet hair with a towel.

“Annie says she might actually be able to fly with those things,” Ben explains.

Theo laughs as he sits at the counter. “You could make a killing doing food delivery.”

I smile, hoping that perhaps things might return to relatively normal–if I can make these damned wings disappear, that is. Closing my eyes to concentrate, I only get a moment of peace before I hear a strange noise coming from outside the windows. The curtains are drawn, and Theo and Ben do not seem at all concerned. However, it only grows louder, so I stand up and peek outside. It is raining, and I cannot help but give a loud gasp.

“What’s wrong?” Theo and Ben say at the same time.

“Rain!” I cry, ripping the curtain aside so they can see.

Theo raises an eyebrow. “Yeah…it rains sometimes…”

“It has been a while,” Ben remarks, but then goes back to chopping vegetables.

“Well, I have never seen rain before!” I tell them indignantly. “And I have always wondered…” I trail off, then turn back and unlatch the window, throwing it open. The smell hits me first, and I breathe it in with my eyes closed–earth and water, plus the crackle of electricity and the clean, chill bite of the wind. I have never felt anything like this, and I want to soak it into my very bones.

“Has it not rained at all since she got here?” Ben asks Theo.

“I don’t think it has.”

There’s a pause, then I feel Ben’s hands on my waist. “You wanna go out in it?” he asks when I turn around.

“Yes!” I squeal, but when I glance at Theo, he is frowning.

“You’ve still got the wings, Annie,” he says quietly. The bubble in my chest deflates, until he stands and grabs an umbrella from the coat hooks by the door. “But I’ve got an idea. Come on.” I grin at Ben while Theo unlocks the door and pokes his head out. He motions to us that the coast is clear, and we creep down the hallway to the stairs. This time, we go up, with Theo scouting ahead to ensure we do not run into any of his neighbors. We only climb two flights before reaching a metal door with a sign that says ‘Roof Access for Building Management Only’.

“We cannot go up there,” I whisper to Theo as he fiddles with the lock.

“The manager let Ros and I come up here sometimes, to do projects or spray paint things,” he says quietly. “I don’t think he’s changed the combination.”

The lock clicks open and he grins.

“Saint Theo, breaking the rules,” Ben teases, pulling him in and kissing his neck.

“Only for you two,” Theo replies with a laugh.

We go up the last set of stairs, which is metal and much more narrow, then through the door at the top. It leads directly onto the roof of the building. Theo opens his umbrella and steps out into the torrential downpour, and Ben follows, allowing the rain to soak him and closing his eyes as he turns his head up. I hang back underneath the shelter of the doorway, suddenly unsure if this is something I ought to be doing. After a moment, Ben wipes water from his face and comes over to me with Theo behind him.

“What’s wrong, Annie girl?”

“I-I was created from shadow and flame. I want to feel the rain, but…I do not know what will happen.”

“You take showers,” Ben laughs, but I frown at him.

“It is not the same! I was created for death and destruction and violence, Ben. Rain is something…pure and good. It brings life, washes away filth…and it kills flames.”

“Well that’s not…strictly true,” Theo says gently. “When there’s too much rain, it causes flooding…lots of destruction.”

“Yeah, and fire can be good too,” Ben explains. “It keeps us warm, cooks our food, helps us make metal. Even wildfires start regrowth cycles in forests. That’s kinda the thing about our world, Annie, and about humans. Very rarely is anything just black or white, good or bad…”

“You can be the same way,” Theo finishes. He closes his umbrella and they both hold their hands out. Tentatively, I take them and step into the storm, trying to shield my body with my wings at first. But the water does not hurt, as I imagined it might. It falls, fast and heavy, onto my skin, and simply rolls down. It is very much unlike my beloved shower, however, which is hot, gentle, and soft. The rain is cold and intense, hammering my thin wing membranes and quickly saturating my hair, but I allow it to soak every inch of me.

Taking a few steps away from Theo and Ben, I extend my wings to their full span, tilting and flexing them, relishing the way the muscles can stretch out here. I let my face fall back, close my eyes, and spread my arms too as the strange, giddy, bubbling feeling comes back into my body. Very soon, I find myself laughing, and my wings begin to move of their own accord, lifting me several feet off the ground, beating hard and sending sprays of water across the roof. I cannot stop them–or perhaps I do not want to.

“Annie!” Theo cries, taking a step forward. Ben grabs him around the waist, pulling him into a tight embrace, and I let myself rise through the deluge. When I am level with the tops of the highest city buildings, I turn my face up toward the clouds and do something I never thought I would.

“I know you can hear me!” I shout at the sky. “And I am not so proud that I will not beg for your help! I do not want to leave this place! Please–”

A flash of lightning illuminates the storm overhead, and a momentous clap of thunder rattles my bones. I cannot help but laugh again, then pump my wings relentlessly, climbing as high and fast as I dare, nearly touching the thunderheads themselves, before I let go, tuck my wings in, and freefall.

During the plunge, I close my eyes and imagine myself as a raindrop let loose from a stormcloud, falling to earth and feeding a patch of forget-me-nots, or filling the lake at the park–not being the droplet that causes a dam to burst, or washes away a family’s home. Theo and Ben shout at me from the roof far below, but nothing matters right now except the rush of the wind and water, and the heat of the lightning crackling across my fragile human skin. Alive. I feel alive as I never have before.

Not a moment too soon, a faint voice close to my chest whispers: Now!

My wings snap out, and I tilt them so they catch the air underneath, slowing me down enough for a rather clumsy, water-logged landing. On impact, I stumble, but Ben is there to catch me and I wrap my arms around his neck. Theo appears too, grabbing onto both of us and kissing the side of my head. I create a temporary shield against the rain by lifting my wings, then look up and meet their eyes: Blue and brown. The flowers and the soil.

“That was the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Ben laughs.

“But maybe next time, warn us first?” Theo says breathlessly. I grin and nod, unable to find the words to explain what I have experienced. The way they are both looking at me, however, I think they already understand.

33

Theo

The next morning, I wake up nestled under Ben’s arm. He’s still asleep, probably exhausted from having spent the entire night switching between the couch and the bed. Besides the fact that Annie can’t–and doesn’t need to–sleep, we both know it’s probably best if we don’t have much physical contact right now. Through our connection, I can still feel something inside me, lurking in the back corner of my mind. I don’t know if it’s her or the demon, but I can’t risk the same thing happening again.

So, Ben went back and forth all night, pulling me into the warm, comforting space against his chest, then, a few hours later, moving out to the living room with Annie. I got up at one point to check on them and found him sprawled out with his head in her lap on the couch. She was watching Friends again and running her fingers absentmindedly through his hair, her wings and horns now vanished. When I thought about the possibility of losing one, or both, of them, my heart clenched violently, and I couldn’t sleep much the rest of the night.

Now, I slowly roll over to face Ben, and try to memorize everything about him. The elegant way his nose arches at the top. The dimple that’s still visible even when his face is relaxed. The delicious curve of his lips. Maybe I should beg him to stay. Maybe I should get down on my knees and shamelessly beg, the way he did yesterday when he asked me to let him find a way to keep us all together.

I didn’t beg Ros to stay, but that was different. Nothing I said was going to change her mind about having a family, and nothing she said was going to change mine. But with Ben…how could I convince him to choose me over Annie? I hate even having to think about it that way, because I don’t want to lose her either, but she’s dangerous right now. If it came down to it, what could I say to convince Ben to let her go? As his eyes flutter open and focus on my face, I realize what it might take, and I realize I’m not afraid of it anymore. The thought of giving him everything, it’s as simple as breathing.

“G’morning, osito,” he murmurs, kissing me on the nose. I slide closer to him and press my face into his collarbone, then take a deep breath.

“I love you, Ben.” It comes out in a whisper that sounds more like a croak, but I keep talking before he can answer. “I mean it. You said it yesterday, and I was just…in shock, but you’re right. I let practicality and logic get in the way of my feelings too much, and I’m done. I love you, and I want to give you everything, but…I don’t think we should talk about it right now. That’s how she almost got a hold of me yesterday and I won’t let it happen again. I just…wanted you to know that I love you.” His hand drifts to my back and moves in slow, steady circles, but I can hear his heartbeat pick up and his breath catch.

“I love you too, Theo,” he whispers. His lips graze the top of my forehead and his arms tighten around me. I want to let myself feel everything right now, but I have to hold it back, so I just put my arm around him too and lie there, breathing him in. The sweetness of our quiet moment is ripped away by the blaring of a smoke alarm.

We pull away from each other, calling out at the same moment, “Annie?!”

From the kitchen comes a loud, “Oh, fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Ben lets out a breathless laugh and jumps from the bed. I grab a t-shirt and pull it over my head as I follow him. The kitchen and living room are smoky, and I immediately run to throw open all the windows while Ben goes for the vent above the stove. The smoke seems to be coming from the oven, where Annie is standing with her hands over her mouth.

“Annie, what the hell?” Ben cries, opening the oven, which pours even more smoke.

“I am so sorry!” she squeals. “I was just…” She looks at me and I swear there’s tears in her eyes.

“Trying to burn the building down?” Ben coughs as he fans the smoke toward the vent with a paper plate.

“I was trying to…apologize,” she says, waving a hand toward the counter. There’s several mixing bowls and measuring cups, and a huge mess of what looks like sugar and flour. Propped up on the side of my coffee maker is an old family recipe book my mom gave me, opened to a page with a picture of a cake.

“Apologize by…baking?” I ask. Ben slips on an oven mitt and pulls out a baking dish with what might have once been a cake in it. I can’t help but soften a little and let myself grin at her.

“Do not make fun of me!” Annie says, putting her hands on her hips and frowning. “I have never baked anything before!”

Ben takes his oven mitt off and uses it to slap her on the butt, then pulls her into a hug. “It’s the thought that counts, mi amor.” Then he looks at me and says, “I don’t think you’re getting your damage deposit back on this apartment though.”

I look over at the burn marks on the edge of the counter, then the huge hole in the wall, and laugh again.

“I think you’re right. Luckily, my dad is one of those guys who thinks you aren’t a real man unless you know how to spackle something, so I should be able to fix it. The smoke smell…I’m not sure.”

After we clean the kitchen and set up a few fans by the windows, Ben walks to pick up some breakfast and check on Monty and Roger at the park, while Annie and I take his car to the hardware store. It’s all I can do to answer her questions about every single item we walk past, which is incredibly cute, until she attracts the attention of some very burly construction workers. One of them offers to help her find what she needs, and they all give me some serious side-eye when I grab her hand and pull her away.

“He wanted to help,” Annie says as we walk toward the checkout with our cart full of supplies.

“No, he didn’t,” I laugh. “He wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“He was…hitting on you. Flirting.”

“Oh…” Annie says, obviously surprised. It’s sometimes easy for me to forget that she doesn’t understand these things. “But I am clearly with you.”

“Some guys don’t care,” I explain. “Especially when I look like this and they look like…that.” I motion across the store to where the large, bearded man is now standing with his friends, still eyeing me.

“Well, I think you are very handsome,” Annie says softly, kissing me on the cheek. I hate how much my stupid instincts take over as I put an arm around her waist and pull her closer. She’s mine, I let the other guy know with a quick glance. He just frowns and turns away.

While we check out and go back to the car, I can’t help but think that this is what my life could be like. Having both of them, knowing they’re mine and I’m theirs and we all belong together. Going to the park and the store and doing projects around the house and cooking. Knowing that, at the end of the day, they’re coming home to me, or waiting for me at home.

The thought of it makes my chest ache as we drive away, but I have to shove the feeling down. I allow myself just one small indulgence: holding Annie’s hand and watching her auburn hair dance in the wind when she rolls her window down.

We’re halfway through fixing the wall when my phone dings. It’s Mak, texting to remind me about the fundraising event for the shelter, which starts in two hours. I scramble off the couch and text her back, telling her I’ll be there, and that I’m bringing two more people along.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun,” Ben says when I tell him about it. “You gonna get more cats?”

“We’ll see,” I say with a shrug. I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot. I know it’s an insane thing to do at this point, but part of me is hoping that Ben will help me pick out new cats–that maybe they could be our cats, instead of just mine. Also, that maybe I could introduce him to my friends as more than just a roommate. I want to run the idea by him, but I’m almost out of time now, and I don’t know how to say it. Annie hops down from the back of the couch and informs us that she’s going to take a shower before we leave.

“Alone?” Ben says, raising an eyebrow. I glance between the two of them, and Annie looks from Ben to me. It feels like some kind of weird standoff. We established that Annie and I shouldn’t be fooling around at all, but we didn’t set any hard rules about her and Ben–or me and Ben, for that matter.

“How else would I shower?” she asks. Ben and I laugh at the same time, and he crosses the room to kiss her. Watching them causes every neuron in my brain to call up the memory of what we did on the couch the day before. I had been trying not to think about it, given what happened afterwards, but it’s very difficult not to think about something like that for very long. In fact, I’m getting a little hard and I have to stop myself from adjusting the front of my jeans.

“Why don’t you show Saint Theo that little trick we talked about last night?” Ben murmurs, turning his face toward me. My body burns as a wanton smile flits across Annie’s face. Once again, I feel like an animal being sized up by two predators.

“Remember what I said…” I tell them.

“Don’t worry,” Ben says in a husky voice. “You don’t have to touch either of us. You can just watch.”

I’m even harder now, and I trail behind them as Ben takes Annie’s hand and leads her to the bathroom. On his way past the kitchen, he grabs one of the bar chairs from behind the counter, then sets it down in the bathroom door. I stand behind the chair and watch Ben turn on the shower and pull his shirt off. Annie’s on him immediately, her fingers running through his chest hair and drifting down his stomach as she plants a series of soft, hungry kisses along his collarbones and throat. Ben reaches back to grip her ass and whispers something in her ear. The skirt she’s wearing vanishes in a puff of shadows, but she still has on a rather tight, white t-shirt with no bra beneath. Ben pulls some of her hair aside and looks at me over her shoulder.

“Sit,” he says quietly. I obey, pulling myself into the chair and lacing my fingers together, balancing my elbows on my knees. Annie turns her head and grins at me as she starts to unzip Ben’s jeans.

“Do not move,” she tells me, and I shake my head.

“I’m not going anywhere.” As soon as I say it, shadows start to curl around her lower back, slowly but surely forming into the shape of a tail—the long, black, sinewy thing with a wicked spike at the end that she tried to choke Ben with the day before. I hold my breath and shift uncomfortably.

“Don’t freak out,” Ben says gently, as if he can tell how tense I am. He reaches back and puts his fingers around the base of her tail, running his hand along it to the spike. It slowly morphs until the end is just a thick, blunted point, like a lizard’s. She whips it around behind her back and wraps it around her own body, sliding the tip into Ben’s waistband and pulling his jeans to the floor.

I lean forward again, locking eyes with Ben as I tell him, “I trust you.”

He gives me a small smile, and Annie’s tail makes short work of his boxers too. When he pulls her into the shower, she leaves her white shirt on and the thin fabric immediately becomes soaked. Ben presses her against the glass wall of the shower and I let out an involuntary groan.

I can’t handle the pressure of gathering in my jeans, so I stand up and unzip them, but when I reach back to take my phone out of my pocket, I have an idea. If I can’t touch Annie, I need something else. With both of them watching me closely, I turn my camera on and prop the phone against a soap bottle on the counter, facing the shower.

“Is this alright?” I ask, hovering my finger over the record button. They both nod and Ben licks his lips.

“You wanna be a porn director, Theo?” he says with a smirk. “Tell me what to do with her.”

I can barely hear him over the sound of the water and the blood pounding in my ears. As I sit back in the chair and start to stroke myself, I take stock of the shower. There’s a good-sized bench built onto the wall behind them, and a sturdy towel bar above it. I have so many ideas, but I know Ben hasn’t really been able to taste her yet like I have.

“On your knees,” I tell him, my mouth dry and my voice hoarse. “I want to watch her come on your tongue first, then on your cock.”

Annie lets out a sharp breath, and her face flushes as Ben leans forward and whispers something in her ear. Slowly, her tail snakes up and wraps around his neck, dragging him down onto his knees. I can’t see his face anymore, just Annie’s perfect tits pressed up against the glass, her face tilted back, mouth open, and Ben’s erection bobbing between his legs as he pushes hers apart. She lets out a loud moan, and I can tell how hard he’s pushing her with his tongue and fingers, even if I can’t see everything. I can also tell I’m going to have a hell of a time holding myself back. I never thought I’d be in a situation more erotic than what we did in the car– or on the couch–but this is…something else. I just wish I was in there with them, especially as Annie’s moans become louder, more insistent, more ragged.

“Ben, I’m…I’m–” She can’t even finish her sentence as her body goes rigid. Ben doesn’t stop, however, and she screams his name as she comes, her forehead falling against the shower glass, steam rising off her skin. Without missing a beat, Ben stands up and briefly sticks his face under the shower stream to wipe it off. He grabs Annie around the waist, gripping her breasts and grinding against her, his dark, hungry eyes pinned on me, her tail still wrapped tightly around his neck.

“Now what?” he asks. My breath is already coming in short bursts, the pressure under my hand building as I stroke my cock faster. I have to brace my other hand on the seat of the chair and swallow hard before I answer.

“Put her on your lap,” I instruct, “both of you face me—and the camera.”

Ben pulls her back so he’s sitting on the bench and she’s balanced on his thighs. Her tail tightens, making his breath catch in his throat, and a devious smile splits her face.

“Annie,” warns Ben with a bit of a growl, “if you’re gonna choke me out, I need you to ride my cock while you do it.”

She obliges, lifting herself up and sinking down slowly, giving a drawn-out, deliciously sweet moan that very nearly sends me over the edge.

“Shirt off now, sweetheart,” I tell her, and the white fabric dissolves into shadows, letting the spray from the shower coat her tits with little droplets that slide over her skin and fall from her nipples. Ben seizes her hips again and pushes her up, but her legs are still closed between his, blocking the best view–the one I want to get on video.

“Ben, spread her legs. I need to see everything.”

His mouth pulls into a grin, then he reaches down, grabs her thighs just behind the knees, and pulls them up. She opens them wide while he shifts his body so she’s balanced perfectly on his hips, leaning back against his chest. Annie groans as his cock changes angles inside her, then she reaches back to clutch the towel bar over his head. Ben’s hips begin to roll, but he’s also slowly lifting her up and lowering her again, the veins in his arms bulging, streams of water running through the little channels between his straining muscles.

I’m about to fucking come apart watching every inch of his cock slide in and out of her. The way she stretches around him, it’s like a drug. I can’t get enough of the noises they’re making, the way her body bounces and jiggles with every thrust, the sight of Ben’s teeth sinking into the top of her shoulder. Her tail tightens around his throat again, and it only makes his movements more desperate, more frantic. She’s crying out his name, but then he puts his mouth close to her ear and whispers again. They both look at me, and I’m done for when my name comes out of her mouth every time he buries his cock inside her.

Their moans come louder and faster, punctuated with Annie’s sweet little gasps and whines. When Ben’s eyes lock on to me and he groans my name too, I can’t hold back anymore. I nearly fall out of the chair and stumble to the sink as I come, turning my head so I can watch the way Annie convulses in Ben’s arm, my name tearing out of her one last time, along with a string of curses. He doesn’t even wait for her to come down from the orgasm before he drops her legs and seizes her around the waist, pinning her arms to her sides. Folding her over and lifting himself off the bench, he pumps hard and fast, burying his face into her hair and letting out a muffled cry as he fills her up.

“Fuck, Annie!” His movements become jerky, slow, and he finally releases her, then collapses back onto the bench, pushing his soaking wet curls out of his face. Annie giggles and turns to straddle him, trailing her hands across his chest, kissing his neck while his fingers roam over her ass and up her back. I zip my jeans back up and lean against the countertop, letting my phone capture the images of them whispering and smiling at each other. Ben gently tucking wet strands of hair behind her ear. Annie turning to kiss the palm of his hand. The adoration in his eyes. Those will be the images I really want to have if I lose one of them…or both of them. When Annie stands up to rinse her body and hair, I turn my phone off, feeling awkward now. She steps out of the shower and I run my eyes over her curves as I grab a towel.

“It’s not fair,” I laugh, helping her wrap it around her chest. She kisses me on the cheek, letting her hand linger on my chin before she saunters out of the bathroom.

“Take those clothes off and get in here so I can make it fair, osito,” says Ben quietly. I do as he says and step into the shower, where he’s waiting with a bar of soap. He pulls me into the stream of water and starts to rub it over my chest, then over the tattoo on my upper arm.

“Poppies?” he asks, tracing a thumb over the red petals and green stems.

“For Gabe,” I reply, then I fall silent as he runs the soap down my ribs and stomach.

I still have a hard time understanding how he’s even real–how someone like him came into my trainwreck of a life and decided they wanted to stay, make a few repairs, maybe even get things up and running again. I guess his life wasn’t exactly on the tracks either, but still. Ben’s the kind of guy who could have anyone he wanted, whether he’s living out of his car or not, and he chose me. As stupid as it might be, he loves me. I still don’t know what to do with that, but I guess showing him that I love him is a good start, since we can’t talk about it right now.

“So, what’s the cover story today?” he asks softly, moving behind me and kissing the tops of my shoulders as he washes my back. “What are we telling your friends?”

“Well,” I mutter, “I thought we could tell them the truth…”

“The truth?” Ben laughs.

“Yeah, figured I’d start with you stealing $600 from me, and then I’ll explain how I kidnapped you. We’ll finish with the part where you sucked me off in the back of a car.” I look over my shoulder to grin at him, and he lets out a loud, barking laugh.

“You’re leaving out the shadow-wielding demon girlfriend.”

“We’ll have to keep up the whole ‘Annika from Sweden’ bit, but one of my friends apparently saw you and me in the park, and I had to say you were my roommate. I don’t want to lie to them, but…”

“So…don’t lie,” Ben says, pulling my arm gently and turning me around so our chests press together. His hand drifts up to my cheek and his dark eyes flicker around my face, a tiny crease between his eyebrows. “Tell them we’re together. Tell them I’m your…boyfriend.”

My breath catches in my throat as he leans forward and kisses my jaw. “Is that the truth?”

“God, I hate how high school it sounds, but…it is if you want it to be…” Ben says, and I can practically feel the electricity shooting through my body as our eyes meet.

“I do.” I pause and clear my throat. “I do want it to be true. I just…”

“What?”

“I’m anxious, I guess.”

“About introducing me to people that way? I thought your friends knew you’d dated men.”

“It’s not that,” I sigh. “I was with Ros for so long, and we almost got engaged. It’s only been a few months since we broke up.”

“You think they might judge you for moving on too fast?”

“I think…it’s just one of those things my brain is lying to me about,” I explain. “My friends have never been anything but loving and supportive. They liked Ros, but…they weren’t exactly devastated when we broke up. She wasn’t really ‘their type’, I guess.”

Ben smirks. “Am I their type?”

“Yes,” I laugh. “So much so that I’m actually a little worried about keeping you all under control.”

He keeps smirking, but falls silent and grabs the shampoo bottle. “You wanna know what I think?” he says at last. “I think you’re worried that if you introduce me that way to your friends, you’ll eventually have to introduce me that way to your family, and you’re scared about how they might react.”

“I’m not ashamed of–”

“You’re too worried about what other people think, osito,” Ben says with a soft smile. “I met your family, and I can tell they’ll love you no matter what. Even your hard-ass Catholic dad.”

I drop my eyes to the water circling the drain, shamefully remembering what Ben told us about his own family not speaking to him. We finish showering in silence, then get out and dry off.

“You should know, Ben, that it’s not about you,” I tell him once we’re in the bedroom getting dressed. “It’s me, and my insecurities, and my own bullshit. You’re…perfect.” I wave my hand at him, and his face splits back into a playful grin.

“I know, and I promise I can win over anyone who has doubts about us, for any reason. Alright? Let me worry about that.”

I pull on a clean pair of jeans and then grab a nice button-down shirt from the closet. When I look around the room, I realize how much better everything looks. Dirty clothes are in the hamper, clean stuff is (mostly) put away, the bed has an actual sheet and comforter on it, and the nightstand isn’t cluttered with half-empty water glasses and food wrappers anymore. And Ben didn’t actually do any of it. Just by being himself, he pulled me out of the pit I was in. I can never fully repay him for that, but I know how I’d like to start trying.

“You’re already worried about keeping Annie here, and protecting me. I can’t let you take something else on,” I tell him, putting my hand on his arm and looking him in the eye so he knows I mean it. “If this is a way for me to show how much I care about you, then I’ll do it. I’d do anything for you, Ben. I hope you know that.” He kisses me, deep and slow and tender, one hand wrapping around my waist and pulling me into him, while the other grips the back of my neck. I never want it to end.

“We are going to be late, my darlings,” says Annie, leaning on the door frame and watching us with a smile on her face. High-waisted, acid-wash flare jeans hug her hips and thighs perfectly, and she has on a blue sweater with a little white cat on the front. Her hair is already dry and falls over her shoulders in two braided pigtails. She looks fucking adorable. Ben holds his arm out, and she comes over to lean against him, taking my hand too.

“You ready?” I ask her.

She screws up her face and laughs. “I hope I can manage the same accent as before. What is our story this time?”

“You’re still Annika,” says Ben, “the exchange student from Sweden or wherever.”

“But, when we meet my friends,” I say slowly, unsure of how she might react, “I want to introduce Ben as my boyfriend.” Annie looks surprised for a moment and glances between us, then her face falls.

“Of course,” she mutters. “That is…that makes sense. Shall we go now?” She turns and walks out of the bedroom, folding her arms across her chest.

“Fuck,” Ben sighs. “Mi amor, wait!” He throws me a pained look and follows her down the hall, but I stay in the bedroom, my body suddenly heavy. I don’t know what to do for her, how to make her feel better about this. I’m not sure if I even can.

I move to the door and look around the corner to see how Ben is handling it. Annie leans against the kitchen counter while he stands in front of her, one hand on her arm. With the other, he points to his heart, then to her, then down the hall toward me. Every emotion imaginable flashes across his face as she replies and they keep talking. Hurt, fear, love, sadness, exasperation. Finally, Annie drops her face into her hand and Ben wraps his arms around her, continuing to murmur softly in her ear. He looks up and notices me watching, then jerks his head. As I approach, I see tears in his eyes. Without thinking, without considering the consequences, I wrap my arms around both of them and breathe them in.

34

Annie

“Annie, talk to me,” Ben says as he follows me into the kitchen. I lean on the counter and shake my head. There is a deep, hollow ache in my chest, and I do not know what he can say to fill it.

“I want you both to be happy,” I tell him, “even if it is without me. I just…did not think…I do not like this feeling.” I put a hand over the place where my human heart beats in my chest.

“What does it feel like?” Ben asks gently, threading his fingers through mine.

“Empty,” I murmur.

He touches my chin and lifts it so I am looking at him. “Mi amor, you really think I won’t introduce you to people as my girlfriend? Or whatever you want? Fuck, I’d tell people you’re my wife if it’d make you happy.”

I cannot help but smile. “Would Theo be alright with something like that?”

“We can ask him. Annie, I know you’re dead set on…going through with the exorcism–”

“I cannot risk her coming back and hurting either of you, Ben!”

“I know! I understand, trust me, and I’m gonna start working on a way to keep you here. But if you’re determined to do this, then I’m determined to make these next few weeks perfect for you. I don’t care what lies I have to tell, or who I have to tell them to, or what I have to do. I’m going to make you happy if it kills me.”

I raise my hands to hold his face. “That day in the park, you said that you think Theo is a bright light in a dark sky…but I hope you know that you are mine–my bright light in a very dark sky.”

“You’re both my bright lights,” Ben says, then he points at his own chest. “Me, and you.” He taps over my heart. “And Theo.” He waves toward the bedroom. “We belong together. I’m not going to let anyone take that away. I promise.”

I look up at him, and the hollowness in my chest only expands.

“How can you promise that?” I ask, voice stumbling in my throat. I put my face in my hands and Ben’s arms envelop me, tugging me against his chest and filling my nose and mouth with his warm, rich scent.

“Don’t kill me for quoting scripture,” he laughs quietly, “but…‘love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things’, and I love you, so…I’m going to endure all things for you, Annie.” I lean against his chest and close my eyes, letting the soft thud thud of his heart tame the coiling snake of anxiety in my stomach.

“I do not mind the quote,” I whisper, “and I love you too, Ben.”

A moment later, I feel Theo’s arms around both of us.

It is perfect, even if only for this moment.

The adoption event is crowded and noisy. There are more people here than I have ever seen in one place before, and a wave of sickness washes over me as we enter. Ben grips my hand tight, but I think he can feel my hesitation, because he turns around.

“You good, Annie girl?”

“There are a lot of people.”

“Yeah, that’s what makes it fun,” he replies with a grin. “Just keep the tail and wings to yourself, and we’ll be fine.” He squeezes my hand as we buy tickets, then Theo texts his friends to let them know we have arrived.

The room is very large, decorated with huge banners featuring images of dogs and cats with their human owners. The walls are lined with tables where people sell pet-related items such as leashes, collars, and toys. At the far end is a separate space where I see some small pens and kennels set up, and I presume this is where the animals are being adopted out. I make a note to avoid the area, since the only animal who seems to tolerate my presence is Roger. In the center of the room is a large, circular counter where people are serving drinks, surrounded by smaller tables for guests to sit and drink and talk.

I already feel as if there are a thousand eyes on me, as if they can see straight through my facade and tell exactly what I am. As we walk through the crowd, following Theo, I try not to look at the people around us, for fear of what I might see on their faces, but occasionally I glance up to find someone staring at me. My instinct is to lash out, to intimidate, to frighten them, but I hold my breath and focus on the steady strength of Ben’s grip on my hand. In the center of the big room, Theo stops for a moment to check his phone, and Ben pulls me into him.

“People are staring at me,” I whisper, leaning on his chest.

He just grins. “Because you’re so damn beautiful, Annie. Trust me.”

“They’re over by the adoption area,” Theo tells us. He appears anxious too, and I reach out to briefly squeeze his hand.

“Let’s do it,” Ben says confidently. I easily spot Mak’s turquoise, purple, and pink stripes of spiky hair through the crowd. She is wearing a bright blue t-shirt and standing near the entrance to the adoption area with two young men beside her. As Theo waves to them and goes to say hello, Ben stops short for a moment, his grin widening.

“Mak Thomas!” he calls, walking forward again. “Exactly how many damn jobs do you have?”

Mak looks past Theo and squeals loudly. “Ben? Oh my God, how are you?!” She bounces over to us and throws herself into his arms. Ben lets go of my hand and hugs her back, but I glance at Theo, who is clearly very confused.

“You two…know each other?” he asks, coming over to us with his other two friends behind him.

“Ben used to volunteer at Found Family when I worked there!” Mak tells him breathlessly. “Wait, how do you know Ben?”

Theo’s mouth falls open slightly, too stunned to speak.

“We…uh…I just…” he stutters. Ben takes his hand, then pulls it up and kisses it.

“Theo and I met about a month ago,” he says to Mak, eyes glittering. “He needed a roommate, but ended up with a boyfriend instead.”

Mak’s hands fly to her mouth and she squeals again, making my ears ring. The taller of Theo’s other two friends grins and slaps him on the back.

“I fucking knew it! I told Mak when I saw y’all in the park that you weren’t dumb enough to let a guy like that go.”

“Oh, Theo!” Mak cries. “That’s amazing! Ben, you are the luckiest! You both are, actually.”

“Oh, I know,” Ben says, then he looks at me, “and I think one of you already met Annie, right?”

“Annika!” says Mak, leaning in to hug me. “I’m so glad Theo brought you along!”

“Good to see you too,” I tell her with a genuine smile. It is difficult not to like someone as sweet as Mak. She steps back and pushes the two young men forward.

“Ben, Annika–this is Zayd, and this is Jaime.” Zayd is tall and dark-skinned, wearing a white tank top that displays his heavily-tattooed arms, and sporting a gold ring through his nose. His short, tightly curled hair is black on the sides, but bleached on the top, and he shakes my hand with a friendly smile. The other man, Jaime, whom I met briefly when we took Monty and Roger to the shelter, is much shorter and paler, with wild red hair that sticks up at odd angles, and a patchy beard. He is wearing a bright blue shirt like Mak’s, so I presume he is also volunteering at the event.

“How did you all meet Theo?” Ben asks as he shakes their hands.

“Mak and Theo were in a lot of classes together, and then Mak and I were roommates,” Jaime explains. “We all met Zayd when we joined the intramural lacrosse team that he was in charge of. Inseparable ever since!”

“Ah, so you didn’t give up being a jock in high school?” Ben says to Theo, whose cheeks turn slightly red as he smiles. I can tell he is starting to relax.

“It ended up being less of a lacrosse team and more of a ‘sit on the quad goofing off and tossing a ball around’ team,” Zayd says.

“Or a drunk board game team,” Jaime adds, and they all laugh.

Jaime turns to Theo and asks, “Are you still thinking about adopting today? Mak said you might.”

“I think I might, yeah,” Theo replies, peering over at the area where the animals are being kept. There are about a dozen small cages on top of tables on one end of the room, which hold a number of cats, and on the other end is an area with dog kennels. “Maybe just one though, not a pair.”

“Why don’t I take you over and we can do some introductions?” Jaime asks. Theo glances at Ben, but Mak steps between them.

“I want to show Ben something first, and then I’ll bring him over!” she says eagerly. Jaime and Zayd take Theo through the little fence to where the cats are, and I keep my eyes on Theo to ensure we do not move so far apart that I am pulled back into his body. Right now, I want to stay with Ben, and away from the animals. Besides, I can see that Mak has something important on her mind by the way she plants her hands on her hips.

“Ben,” she says sternly, “you’re gonna tell me the truth.”

“What truth?”

“How did you actually meet Theo?”

Ben sighs, but keeps smiling patiently. “Come on, Mak. You know what happened to me. I was living out of my car, and Theo was advertising for a roommate. I needed a place to stay. We liked each other. That’s the truth.”

“Fine, I’ll buy that,” she says, then she motions at mine and Ben’s hands, which are clasped together again. “But…this?”

“Well, Annie was hanging around because Theo’s family is hosting her,” Ben says, “and…same story. We liked each other.” He kisses my hand the same way he kissed Theo’s, and Mak’s eyebrows shoot up into her hair.

“So…you’re all together? With each other?” she asks hesitantly. “Like a…poly thing?”

“Sure,” Ben says with a shrug. “Look, Mak, it’s a thing where I really care about both of them and I’m serious about this. I promise, I’m not gonna hurt Theo. I’m getting my shit back together, alright?” When Mak looks at me again, I just give her a sweet smile.

“Ben, you know I’m the last person to judge,” she says, softer now. “I’m glad you’re happy, especially after everything that went down last year. I just wanted to know what’s going on in case I have to run interference.”

“Run…interference?” Ben asks.

Mak lowers her voice. “Well, Niko’s here…”

Ben’s face goes taut, and I remember that Niko was the man he slept with, causing him to be removed from the priesthood. I tighten my grip on his hand.

“Is this a bad thing?” I ask quietly.

Ben runs a hand through his hair and sighs, “Mak, can we get a minute?”

“Yeah, of course.” Mak leaves us and goes over to where Theo and the others are standing near the cat enclosures. Ben turns, but doesn’t look me in the eyes, instead scanning the crowd carefully over my head.

“After Niko and I slept together, everything in my life crashed and burned pretty fast,” he explains. “I was laicized, so I had nowhere to go, I didn’t have much money, and my family wasn’t speaking to me. My sister and her husband offered to help, but I was being self-destructive and stupid and I wouldn’t accept it. I didn’t want to leave town, because of my abuelita, so I was either couch-surfing or living out of the car and…I was drinking a lot, scamming people, making fake IDs just to be able to buy food and gas, stuff like that. It wasn’t good.

“Niko started calling me a few days after we slept together, and I just…ghosted him, because I was dealing with so much. After a few months, I finally got to the ‘anger’ stage of grief, and I called him back one night while I was drunk. I yelled at him, cussed him out, told him it was his fault, that he should’ve turned me down that night, that he shouldn’t have…taken advantage of me being drunk. I said some really horrible things to him, Annie.”

“Oh…” I murmur, unsure of how to reply. “Have you apologized?”

“No,” Ben says. “I haven’t spoken to him since, and he hasn’t tried to call me either. I was so ashamed, and I didn’t think he’d even want my apology, so I never tried. God-fucking-damnit! This is not what I need today. This is not what Theo needs.”

“Does he know about this?” I ask, leaning to the side so I can see Theo, who is smiling and cradling a large, gray cat in his arms. Ben follows my gaze.

“No, he doesn’t. I hadn’t really had a reason to tell him yet.” He runs a hand over his face and groans softly.

“It will be alright.” I put my arms around him and try to give a reassuring hug, but his anxiety and tension is almost palpable.

“Come on, let’s just…go help Theo, and then maybe we can get some drinks and I can explain things to him,” he says, taking my hand again and leading me through the small gate into the fenced off adoption area.

I balk as we approach the cats. “Ben, I do not think this is a good idea. Remember how Dante and Virgil were?”

“Well, hey, you’ve changed a lot since then,” Ben says with a small smile. “This might be a good test.” He keeps his grip on my hand and pulls me between the tables to where Theo is now holding a scrawny brown cat with massive green eyes and a pink nose. Mak stands beside him, scratching the animal’s ears.

“He’s so sweet, Theo, and I really think he’d benefit from being the only animal in a house for a while since he was pulled out of a bad hoarding situation,” she is saying. “I love him because he can’t really meow. He just chirps and makes a funny sort of screaming noise. When he came to us, he had a really tight ingrown collar, and the vet thinks it damaged his vocal cords.”

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Theo asks us as we approach. Ben reaches out and pets the cat on the head, but Theo appears slightly nervous when I move forward. I hope Ben is right, that I have changed enough since Dante and Virgil were around. Perhaps this is a chance for me to show Theo. The brown cat’s ears press back on his head when he sees me, and he shrinks into Theo’s arms slightly.

“Oh, he’s just overwhelmed,” Mak says. “It’s a lot of people all at once.”

I nod and stand back, but ask, “Does he have a name?”

“Not really. The shelter manager’s daughter named him Brownie, but…” She makes a face and then her eyes light up. “Oh, Theo! Have you found a new job yet?”

“No,” Theo sighs, sliding the brown cat back into his cage and closing the door. “I’ve been looking, but…nothing good has come up.”

Mak gets a rather devious sparkle in her eye.

“Well, the shelter is looking for a new kennel attendant…” she says slowly, “maybe someone who also has a little marketing experience…to do some website and social media stuff. They don’t have their own dedicated person for that, and I do a lot of it as a volunteer, but…I might have mentioned your name to Aileen. If you’re interested!”

“That…that actually sounds great, Makie,” says Theo, a rush of enthusiasm in his voice. He looks at me and Ben and his face breaks into a genuine smile. “I could use a change from working in an office anyway, I think.”

“Really?!” Mak squeaks, clapping her hands together. “Oh, this is so great! Aileen’s here today if you want to talk to her!”

“Sure, let’s do it.”

Mak whips her phone out and walks away, while Theo moves closer to the cage with the brown cat in it.

“I kinda like this guy,” he says to Ben, looking over his shoulder. “What do you think?”

Ben shrugs. “He looks mangy, but I’m not a cat expert.”

“He’s a bit skinny, yeah,” Theo laughs. “Nothing a little love and kibble can’t fix, right?”

“You do like to take in strays, don’t you, osito?” Ben says, grabbing Theo around the waist and kissing the side of his head. Theo snorts and wraps his fingers through Ben’s. I stand back, watching them and letting the strange human emotions swirl through my stomach and chest.

After a few minutes, Mak returns accompanied by Aileen, the shelter manager, so Ben and I quietly slip away toward the bar. He keeps his tight hold on my hand, and his eyes dart restlessly around the crowd, probably looking for Niko.

“What are all these drinks?” I ask, picking up a short menu from a table.

“Here.” Ben takes the paper from me and scans it. “I think I know what you’ll like. Oh, I forgot. I made you something while I was gone.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, rectangular plastic card with a photograph of me on it. I recognize it as a picture he took in Theo’s living room one day while he was trying to show me how his phone works.

“This is…”

“A driver’s license, so you seem like a real person. Now, I’m not gonna let you take the car out or anything, but this will at least get you drinks when we go out.”

“You made this for me?”

Ben laughs and glances around. “Yeah, but don’t tell anyone or I could get arrested. If you want me in handcuffs, you just have to ask.” He gives me a wink and my heart skips a beat when I see the name he has printed on the card.

“Annika Keating de la Cruz…”

His grin widens. “Has a nice ring to it, I think.”

“I love it.” I press the card to my chest and go up on my toes to kiss him.

“I do too,” he murmurs against my lips. “Now, let’s introduce you to Fireball, shall we?”

35

Theo

I put another cat back into its kennel and take a deep breath. “Hey, Makie. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure!” she replies. “About the job?” My impromptu interview with Aileen went well, and she said I could come in to start some training at the shelter tomorrow morning. As excited as I am, there’s been something else weighing on me since we got to the event.

“No, it’s…about Ben.” I glance behind me to where he and Annie are waiting in line at the bar. She’s all over him, and he has his arm around her shoulders, but he seems distracted, searching the crowd with a slight frown.

“Yeah, it’s so crazy that you two are together! Honestly, I never would’ve thought that would work, but you seem really happy, Theo.”

“So, you knew him when he volunteered at Found Family?”

“Yeah, when I worked there, but then I took my new job and he hasn’t been around since…well, I’m sure he’s told you.”

“What was the deal with him and–”

“Niko?” says Mak, glancing behind her. “I really don’t know all the details, Theo, but I will say that…whatever was going on with them didn’t end well. Niko took it really hard when Ben got in trouble. He felt so guilty, and he tried to apologize for months and months, but Ben wouldn’t answer him. Then one day, I came in to work and Niko told me if Ben ever showed up at the shelter again, not to buzz him into the building. I never heard another word about it after that, and I didn’t even see Ben until today.”

“What?” My stomach sinks and I have to fight back the wave of despair crashing through my body. I think Annie can sense it through our weird connection, because she looks at me across the room and frowns.

“Don’t get me wrong,” says Mak, putting a hand on my arm, “Ben isn’t dangerous or anything. There were a lot of…emotions, with the whole priesthood situation. I think one of them didn’t handle it very well, but I really don’t know any more than that.”

I let out a long sigh and approach another cat in a kennel, who comes to the bars, meowing loudly. “I trust him. I just didn’t think we’d have to deal with something like this…on top of everything else.”

“You mean Ros? I thought you two were ok?”

I realize I’ve said too much and backpedal quickly. “Well, yeah…I just mean…”

“Annika?” Mak lifts an eyebrow. “You wanna tell me about that…situation?” She grins, and I can tell she’s trying to distract me from talking about Ben and Niko.

When I answer, I can’t help but smile too. “It’s…a bit different than what I’m used to, but it’s working. For now.”

“For now?”

Fuck. I did it again. “Well…she’s on some weird type of visa.” I can’t believe how easily I’m making this shit up. “So, she might have to go home soon if she can’t get an…extension approved. I’m not sure what will happen.”

“But for now…you’re happy?” Mak says, passing me a very fat gray tabby cat. I scratch her between the ears, and she rubs her little head against my chin.

“Yeah, I am,” I tell Mak, trying to tamp down on my actual emotions. This cat is sweet, but I can’t stop thinking about the ‘mangy’ brown one behind me. The one who can’t even meow properly. He’s the skinniest and least friendly cat here—the one that needs the most love—and I guess that makes him perfect for my off-kilter little family. I pass the fat tabby back to Mak.

“I think…I wanna take that guy home,” I say, pointing back.

“Really?” Mak coos. “Oh, that’s perfect! I was so afraid he wouldn’t get adopted! Come on, let’s go do some paperwork and then I’ll let you get a drink to celebrate.”

“Sure. Gonna have to change his name though. I don’t know about Brownie,” I laugh, going back to stand in front of the kennel and sticking my fingers through. He just lays there and stares at me, so I follow Mak over to a table where the shelter employees have all the adoption paperwork spread out. Once I fill out the forms, Mak lets me put an ‘I’ve been adopted!’ tag on the brown cat’s kennel. She snaps a photo for the shelter’s social media pages, then gives me a rib-crushing hug.

“I’m really happy for you, Theo,” she says, beaming, “and I also miss you! You need to come back to karaoke night soon! Bring Annie and Ben!”

“Yeah, text me the details,” I reply, actually feeling excited about it. Karaoke nights with Mak, Zayd, and Jaime used to be a regular thing in college. Even after we graduated, we would try to get together for them at least once a month, with Ros and Mak’s girlfriend both tagging along. I know Ben will be excited. He strikes me as a karaoke guy.

I scan the crowd, looking for him and Annie, and find them browsing some of the pet-related merchandise on the tables, each with a drink in their hand. As I approach, Annie giggles and sets her cup down, then picks up a thick black dog collar from the table and clips it around Ben’s neck. When she turns it around, I see the words ‘Good Boy’ embroidered on the side. I almost burst out laughing.

“Like it was custom made for you,” I tell him as I walk up.

Ben faces me, his dimples on full display. “Not the kind of collar I’m used to wearing, but I think I like this better,” he says with a wink. Maybe, officially claiming him as my boyfriend in public has made me feel a little bolder than usual, because I hook my finger through the collar’s metal ring and pull him in for a kiss.

“It’s good, but I think you need this one.” I pick up a red collar off the table that says ‘Bad to the Bone’, and Ben throws his head back, laughing loudly while Annie giggles until she snorts. I lean down to sniff her cup and get a nose full of Fireball.

“How many of these have you had, sweetheart?” I ask her gently. She just giggles again, takes the ‘Good Boy’ collar off Ben and puts it on me, then clips the ‘Bad to the Bone’ one around his neck. The girl standing behind the table looks up from her phone, cackles, and asks if she can take a picture of us for her business website. My anxiety flares up a little, but Ben and Annie’s laughter is too infectious for me to worry about anything else right now. After she takes the picture and we remove the collars, Ben asks her to text it to him, then he sets it as his phone background. Annie walks a few feet ahead of us, inspecting all the items for sale, but Ben stays back and holds my hand.

“When were you going to tell me about what happened with you and Niko?” I ask him softly when Annie drifts away to admire a beautiful blue macaw perched behind one of the vendor tables. Ben quickly downs the rest of his rum and Coke, then tosses it into a nearby trash can and turns to look at me.

“Did Mak tell you?” he asks, his face is deadly serious now.

“I asked her, and she didn’t give me details, but–”

“He’s here today,” Ben says quickly. “Mak told me he’s here at the event somewhere. Just…so you know. That’s the only reason she brought it up.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” I lace my fingers through his so he knows that I’m not going anywhere.

Falteringly, he explains his history with Niko, including what happened after he was laicized. My stomach tightens, but I can’t bring myself to be upset with him. I know a little of what it feels like to have the rug yanked out from under you like that, your whole life falling apart before your eyes. When it happened to me, I just pulled away, withdrew from everyone. Ben lashed out, and I can’t judge him for that, especially when I can tell how much he regrets it. Annie finds her way back to us while he’s talking and tucks herself under his arm.

“Well, we have our new cat now, so we could just go home…” she suggests quietly when he finishes speaking.

Ben shakes his head. “No, I’m not running away. If I see Niko, I’m just gonna man up and apologize. I owe him that. Don’t worry, mi amor.” He kisses the top of her head and we keep walking. I buy a few things for the new cat, and tell Ben and Annie to start thinking about names.

When we’re ready to leave, we go back to the adoption area, where Mak already has him waiting in a carrier. She and Jaime make me swear that we’ll all come to karaoke night soon, threatening to repossess the cat if we don’t. I’m on Cloud 9 as we make our way out into the parking lot, until we walk out the front doors and I hear a rather timid voice behind us.

“Ben?”

The man standing beside a concrete pillar smoking a cigarette is cute, in a nerdy kind of way–blond curls hanging over his blue eyes, thick glasses, and a maroon sweater vest. I have to assume this is Niko based on the fact that he’s looking at Ben like a kicked puppy.

“Niko…” Ben’s voice is spiked with anxiety. He glances at me and pulls his keys out. “Hey, uh…can I meet you two at the car?” I don’t want to leave him alone for this. I want to stand there and hold his hand and make sure he knows that Annie and I love him no matter what, but she tugs on my sleeve, pulling me away.

I swallow and just say, “Yeah, that’s fine.” Holding the cat carrier tight in one hand, we walk across the parking lot. When I glance back at Ben, Annie gently takes my other hand.

“He will be alright,” she assures me, but as soon as we get to the car, I put the cat in the backseat and Annie and I sit in the front, where we can watch Ben talking to Niko on the sidewalk in front of the building.

“I hate this,” I tell her, tapping my fingers anxiously on the steering wheel.

“Do you not think that Niko deserves an apology?”

“Of course he does! But…I just hate that Ben feels like he has to do it alone. When Ros came over, he was there for me. I wouldn’t have made it through that without him. And you too…” I take her hand and kiss the back of it.

“Breathe, love,” Annie tells me. “I can feel you becoming emotional. I do not want her to feel it too. Please.” She puts her hand on my chest and I take a few deep breaths. I focus on the warmth and softness of her touch, willing the rising tide back down, tucking it away, but keeping my eyes on Ben. His shoulders are hunched and Niko has his arms crossed, but even from this distance, I can tell Ben is being genuine, not trying to charm or joke his way out of it.

Finally, Niko appears to relax slightly and uncrosses his arms, then motions to the parking lot. Ben smiles, rubs the back of his neck, and laughs. Niko smiles too, they shake hands, then he goes back inside and Ben starts walking toward us.

“See, I told you,” Annie says to me. Ben appears lighter when he gets back in the car, but I can tell he had a few drinks at the event, so I insist on driving us home. He sits in the back next to the new cat, who does not enjoy the ride at all. By the time we get back to my apartment, he’s making a weird scream-squealing sound, so I quickly get him set up in the laundry room and shut the door to give him some time to decompress.

“So,” Ben says, grabbing me around the waist as soon as I enter the kitchen, “a new job? That’s exciting, even if it is just scooping animal shit all day.”

“What will you be doing exactly?” Annie asks. “Or I suppose…what will we be doing? Since I will be accompanying you.”

I pause before opening the fridge. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that Annie and I still can’t be very far away from each other. She’ll have to stay ‘inside’ me while I’m at work, and Ben will be alone all day. Right now, everything feels good and safe, and I want to enjoy it, so I decide that it’s an issue for tomorrow-Theo. I open a can of Dr. Pepper and lean against Ben, who puts his arms around me and kisses the side of my neck.

“It’s just cleaning kennels and cat cages, taking the dogs outside, feeding them, and then doing some stuff on the computer when they need me to.”

“I hope the animals do not…dislike you, because of my presence,” Annie says, biting her lip.

“The new cat seems alright with you,” Ben points out. “What are we naming him anyway?”

“I was hoping you two might help me,” I laugh. “I’m terrible with naming animals. When I was a kid, we got a dog and I named him Bill.”

Ben grimaces. “Ugh, that poor dog.”

“In my defense, it was after the pony from Lord of the Rings,” I laugh, but Ben just shakes his head.

“Nope, we’re naming the cat.”

Annie glances anxiously down the hall toward the laundry room.

“Give him some time to settle in, sweetheart, and then I’m sure he’ll warm up to you,” I tell her, going over to kiss the side of her head. Ben starts pulling a few things out of the fridge to make dinner, but before I can wash my hands to help out, my phone dings. I have a few missed texts from Molly and my mom, and one from Mak asking for pictures of the cat, but the new texts coming in...

“Ben…” I say quietly. “Ros is texting me.”

He sets his knife down and asks, “Do you want me to read it first?”

I nod, unlock the phone, and pass it over without looking. His reaction is not what I expected. He actually laughs out loud, then covers his mouth and passes the phone back to me.

“What?!” I demand. “What did she say?” I snatch the phone back as Ben continues to laugh, and Annie reads the messages over my shoulder.

Hey Teddy

I need to ask you something, and it might be weird, so I’m sorry, but…did you meet someone new?

Yesterday I got a text from Mrs. Reynolds, the lady downstairs, asking if I could please ‘keep it down while engaging in premarital relations’, and then this morning she sent me another one

I don’t think she realizes I moved out

I know it’s none of my business

I shouldn’t have asked

I’m so sorry, please don’t answer

“Oh my God! This is terrible!” I drop my phone onto the counter, caught somewhere between laughing and crying, then bury my face in my hands, but I can still hear Annie and Ben giggling. “She’s gonna tell her sister, who’s gonna tell my sister, who’s gonna fucking grill me!”

“Who the hell says ‘premarital relations’ anyway?” Ben asks, his shoulders still shaking as he takes a knife from the block. I look up and can’t help but smile at the pure glee on his face.

“I’ll have to apologize to Mrs. Reynolds next time I see her,” I snort. “Should I…should I reply to Ros?”

Ben shrugs and grins. “Nah. Let her sweat it out.”

“Or perhaps next time, Ben should be the loud one,” says Annie with a mischievous look. “That will really give Mrs. Reynolds something to report.”

Ben and I both laugh, and I can’t help but notice the way he looks at her. It’s hopeful, like her newfound sense of humor is a sign that maybe we can keep her here and all be together. Especially after today, introducing them both to my friends, and Ben getting the thing with Niko off his shoulders, I want to feel optimistic.

I want this to be my life. I want to do this with both of them every single day, but the logical part of my brain knows how out of reach that is. I glance back at the half-repaired wall and the remnants of my coffee table, which we pushed to the side of the room for now. Everything with Annie seemed fine today, no hint of the demon attempting to take over, but I can’t help thinking it’s only a matter of time. Besides, being this close to her and not be able to do much of anything beyond holding hands is absolute torture, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand it.

As if she can sense what I’m thinking, she reaches over and puts her fingers on my leg. “Are you alright?” she asks softly.

I clear my throat and start washing my hands so I can help with dinner. “Yeah, just tired and thinking about what I need to do for the cat.”

“Did you guys finish Clone Wars while I was gone?” Ben asks, and I can hear a hint of disappointment in his voice. He likes Star Wars more than he thought he would, and that makes me extremely happy.

“We actually didn’t. We got up to the last few episodes though. We could probably finish it tonight. I can give you the recap of what you missed.”

“Let’s do it.” Ben begins to work faster, making grilled cheese and tomato soup, and Annie takes over as sous chef when I go to check on the cat. He’s curled on a blanket in the corner of the laundry room, and he chirps at me when I open the door. It’s a funny little noise for a funny little cat. I’m happy I picked him. When I sit down cross-legged on the floor, he chirps again, then stretches and wanders over to bump his head on my knee.

Keeping my voice down, I tell him, “Look, bud, I know you can probably sense that she’s not really human, but…I need you to be nice to Annie, alright? She’s having a tough time lately, and I think it would make her really happy if you wanted to be her friend. Deal?”

He peers up at me with his big, green eyes, and I scratch him behind the ears. When I leave the room, I also leave the door open, and he follows me cautiously into the hall. Annie and Ben are still in the kitchen, so I linger by the bathroom door for a moment to watch them.

They’re at the stove together, Ben with his arms around her waist while she holds the frying pan and a spatula. What clearly started as a cooking tutorial is turning into an excuse for Ben to kiss her neck as many times as he can and run his hands over her curves, but she’s giggling and blushing. The soft part of me melts as I watch them, silently thanking whatever weird forces of the universe caused us all to crash into each other.

I’d like to think that I’m not naive about relationships. Ros and I had our share of ups and downs, but we worked through those things. I want to do that with Ben and Annie now. The cynical part of me whispers that it won’t work, that it won’t last, that it’s too much and too quick and too fraught, but I don’t care anymore. That soft part of me, the part that loves them, is finally starting to win out.

In this moment, I’m all too willing to lay everything I am at their feet–and it doesn’t scare me anymore.

36

Annie

Ben hands me a bowl of the creamy tomato soup we made, along with a plate stacked with grilled cheese sandwiches, and a large bottle of my favorite hot sauce. I pour some into the soup, then drizzle more over my sandwich. The delicious burn of the first bite travels up my nose, then down my throat, and I let out a satisfied sigh as I settle onto the couch with a blanket. Theo sits in the chair with his bowl and the TV remote. He finds the episode of Clone Wars that we left off on while Ben was away, then waits until we are all ready. Ben flops beside me on the couch and pulls me under his arm with a kiss.

A strange, new sensation comes over me as the show begins and I eat my dinner. It is heavy, but in a good way. Warm, but not burning. I want to ask Ben what this feeling could be, but he is quite focused on the show now, and I cannot help but smile. Theo has certainly converted him into a Star Wars fan. I make a mental note to involve my Princess Leia outfit the next time we are in the bedroom, or the shower…or the car…or on the couch…

“This finale is going to break my heart, isn’t it?” Ben asks.

“Definitely,” Theo answers with a grin. I finish my food quickly and Theo passes me another sandwich, but the odd heaviness only grows, and I have to set it aside after only eating half. I curl under Ben’s arm and try to watch the television, but it feels as though my body is slipping away from me somehow, like I am floating halfway between the earth and the sky. I close my eyes for a moment, and the next thing I know, Ben is shaking my shoulders.

“Annie!” he calls. “Annie! What’s wrong? I don’t think she can even hear me. Annie!”

Theo’s voice breaks through the fog too. “Is she…sick? Can she get sick?”

My eyes snap open. Ben is still beside me on the couch, but Theo is crouched near my head, a worried crease between his eyebrows.

“What is the matter?” I ask. “What happened?” Something feels different, but I cannot figure out what it is until I look at the window and realize it is pitch black outside.

“Annie, did you…fall asleep?” Ben asks incredulously.

“I…I do not sleep,” I mutter, pulling myself up and putting a hand to my forehead. “I cannot…I mean, I did not think I could.”

“Sweetheart, it’s been two hours since we started the show,” Theo says, waving at the TV. “We thought you were just quiet because you were so into it, but…I think you were actually asleep.”

“She hardly moved at all,” Ben says with a small laugh.

I shake my head. “I do not understand. How did I fall asleep?” Ben wraps me in his arms and I fall into him, burying my face in his chest and trying to avoid the bruise from my wings.

“She’s changing, osito,” he says quietly. “We have to figure this out. We have to keep her here.”

“I know,” Theo says softly. “Annie, do you want to go to the bed and sleep more?”

I sit up and shake my head. “I missed the ending,” I say, waving at the TV. “I would like to stay up and watch it.”

“Well, I need to get to bed,” Theo says. “I have to be at the shelter early to start this training. Do you want to stay out here with her?”

“Just for a little while, to make sure she’s alright,” Ben replies. Theo reaches down and takes my hand, kissing the back.

“We’ll figure it out, Annie, alright? I promise.” I brush my fingers along his cheek and his eyes close for a moment, then he goes to check on the new cat, leaving me alone with Ben on the couch.

“How will you find a way for me to stay here?” I ask quietly.

“Tomorrow, before you and Theo go to work, you’re gonna drop me off at the library downtown to do some research,” Ben murmurs. “I’ll start there, and I won’t stop until I have an answer.”

“I love you,” I tell him, turning my face so I can see his eyes. “Do you know that?”

“I know,” he whispers, kissing the tip of my nose. He stays with me for another thirty minutes as I restart the Clone Wars episodes I missed. Soon, however, he begins to yawn and drift off, so I insist he go to bed with Theo.

My body no longer feels heavy or warm, but I think it has something to do with the terrible events of the show. I can hardly tear my eyes away to say goodnight to Ben when he leaves. Once I am alone, I bundle myself up in blankets, as if they are a shield against the angst and emotional damage I am about to experience at the hands of fictional characters. Just as I am starting the second-to-last episode, I hear a strange noise and look down to see the brown cat sitting at my feet, his huge green eyes shining in the darkness. Moving slowly so as not to startle him, I pause the show and hold my hand out.

“Hello there. I am a friend, I promise.”

He gives a small chirp and leaps onto the couch, but does not make contact. I avert my eyes, like Theo told me to, but leave my hand out and open, resting on my knee as I resume watching Clone Wars. The cat sits for a moment, twitching his long tail, then settles only a foot away with his front paws tucked beneath him. It takes all of my self-control not to call for Theo and Ben to come out and see what is happening.

The little creature remains beside me, still and silent, as I become more and more emotional, the churning pit of snakes in my stomach almost unbearable as the episode goes on. What I am watching play out on the screen is not dissimilar to what I experienced only a day ago, when Annoth took control and tried to make me hurt the people I care about. Close to the end of the episode, I realize that my entire body is shaking violently.

Just when I am considering waking Ben up, the cat rises, stretches his body out, and climbs into my lap. In shock, I hold my hands away from him as he kneads my legs with his tiny claws, then curls into a tight ball on top of my thighs. Now, more than ever, I desperately want to wake Theo and Ben up, but I dare not disturb the little animal using me for a bed. His body begins to vibrate softly. Purring, I realize, and I slowly run my fingers over his head. The purring intensifies, so I do it again, until we have settled into a cozy rhythm and my own shaking has stopped. It is still difficult to watch as Ahsoka and Rex fight their way past the other clone troopers to escape, but at least I have someone to comfort me now.

“I know exactly what your name will be,” I tell the cat.

“What’s that?” comes a quiet voice from the hallway. I look over and see Theo standing there with a wide but sleepy smile.

I point at my lap and whisper, “Look!”

Theo comes around the corner and settles carefully onto the couch beside me. “Did he do that all on his own?”

“Yes,” I giggle. “I think we are friends now.”

“So, what did you want to name him?”

I wave at the television and smile. “Captain Rex.”

“I think that’s perfect,” Theo says, petting his soft pink ears. “Maybe…just Rex though.”

“Rex…” I murmur, “because he is a good friend.”

“I like it.” There is a long silence while Theo scratches Rex on the back of his neck.

“Theo,” I say at last. “Do you believe…that people can overcome the way they were made to be? The way they were created?”

He sighs and glances at the screen too. “You mean like Rex does there at the end? To protect Ahsoka?”

“Yes. He cared about his friends enough to resist it when they tried to make him follow the order to kill Jedi. Do you think…that is actually possible?”

“Annie,” says Theo gently, “it’s just a show. But…I also think you’re strong enough to fight anything that anyone throws at you.”

“I will try,” I tell him, just as something overwhelming rises up in my chest. It is not Annoth, attempting to take over. This is a human emotion, I think, but I do not know which one. “I will try…for you and Ben…because I love you both.”

There is a burning sensation behind my eyes, and when I put my fingers to my face, they come away wet. My body shudders with a tiny sob.

“Annie,” Theo gasps, dipping his head to inspect my face. “Annie, are you crying?”

“A-am I?” My words come out strangled, choked by the lump in my throat, but Theo actually laughs, and pulls me against him. My body shakes and my chest heaves, sending more tears spilling from my eyes and down my cheeks. “Why is this happening?”

“I don’t know,” he murmurs into my hair. Rex lifts his head and chirps at us, then begins purring again. The sensation of it, of his warmth and closeness and trust, causes me to cry even harder, until I am sobbing into Theo’s chest, clutching his shirt. Rex does not move from my lap, however—just curls into a tighter ball and continues purring.

I must have fallen asleep in Theo’s arms, because when I open my eyes again, it is morning. Theo is awake, lying under me, and we are covered in blankets, while Ben sits on the chair beside us. My cheeks feel taut, dry, and my eyes are still puffy. I listen to them talk for a moment and realize that Theo is explaining to Ben what happened the night before.

“Yeah, I don’t think this is gonna be covered in a Demonology 101 book,” Ben chuckles, “but I’m not gonna stop until I figure it out. I just wish I could get to the library at my old seminary. Probably more detailed stuff there, but…I think I’m persona non grata on campus now.”

I open my eyes all the way and push myself up. They are both looking at me as if waiting for me to start crying again. I look down to see Rex still curled in a ball against my stomach. He lifts his head too and lets out a small prrow, so I scratch him behind the ears.

“Are we going to your new job now?” I ask.

“You feeling alright?” Theo sits up beside me and pushes some hair out of my face. “You were snoring, you know.”

“I was not!” I gasp, horrified.

“Have any naughty dreams, mi amor?” Ben asks.

I put a hand on my head. “If I did, I cannot remember them.”

He stands up and walks over, then gently puts his fingers around my throat, tilting my head back so he can brush his lips over mine.

“We’ll just have to make sure you have one tonight, then.”

“If it can wait until after we get home from work, that would be better,” Theo laughs, pulling his body out from under me. Ben does not let him off easy though, pushing him back against the couch and pinning him there for a deep kiss.

“Fine,” Ben breathes when he finally releases Theo, who looks dazed. “I’m a patient man.” He goes to the kitchen and takes out eggs and bacon for breakfast, while Theo feeds Rex and gets dressed.

“Do you think it will be safe for me to be inside Theo’s body all day?” I ask Ben as he sets a fresh mug of coffee on the counter in front of me.

“Hmm…I’m really not sure. Have you gone back at all since…?” He does not need to say ‘since you tried to kill me and possess him’. It is the worst memory I will ever have.

“No, I have not tried. It is different, being inside the host. Closer, more connected. I can feel what he feels. I worry that Annoth might also be more…in tune with his emotions.”

“Well, hopefully he won’t be feeling much while he’s shoveling dog shit all day,” Ben jokes, “but just be on your guard. He really needs this.”

I nod in agreement, determined not to be the reason Theo loses an opportunity to get his life back, especially not now that my own world is so different. I can feel myself changing, feel myself becoming more human–separating from her, and I know I cannot lose that either.

I will not go back into the darkness now that I have found my light.

37

Theo

Annie being back inside me is weird.

When she’s in human form, it’s easier for me to forget that she’s a demon–that she’s supposed to be taking control of my body and making me do terrible things. As Aileen gives me a tour of the semi-decrepit animal shelter, I can feel her swirling around in the back of my head, and I’m just thankful that she’s no longer angry or violent. Now, she’s quiet, curious, warm, even loving. I feel a little burst of joy from her every time we’re introduced to a new dog, and I’m surprised to find that none of the animals treat me any differently than they treat Aileen.

My new boss is a tough, older woman who wears nothing but Doc Martens and Wrangler jeans, but I think she likes me, even if she doesn’t seem confident in my ability to lift more than 50 pounds. It’s true, I haven’t been to the gym in awhile, but I do manage to wrestle a large, wiggly Staffordshire mix into a bathtub and hose him down while he tries to lick the skin off my face. Aileen is satisfied with that, so once she’s given me the tour and shown me what my duties are, she leaves me alone to work. Cleaning kennels, bathing and feeding the dogs, washing towels and blankets, refilling water bowls, bringing dogs and cats out to the visiting area to meet potential adopters, and doing intake paperwork for new animals. It’s basic work, but it does feel good. A hell of a lot better than rotting at a desk and roasting under fluorescent lights all day, anyway.

What sort of dog is that? Annie asks me every time we move to a new kennel. Most of them are just listed on their tags as ‘mixed’, so I’m really not sure. Her curiosity is infectious though, so I start looking up dog breeds on my phone and showing her pictures while she bemoans the fact that she can’t pet them while she’s inside me. I promise to bring her back sometime in her own body.

On my lunch break, we meet Ben at a little café near the public library, where he’s been doing research. It sounds like he hasn’t found much yet, but I can tell we’re all trying to remain hopeful.

“It’s too fucking quiet in that place,” he complains as we sit down at our table with several large milkshakes and a basket of fries. “I can’t focus on anything when all I hear is my own thoughts.”

“How on earth did you make it through seminary?” I tease.

“Can’t a man have any secrets?” Ben shoots back. “Anyway, I’ve had a thought. Shocking, I know, but hear me out. We only have a couple more weeks until Robert comes out to try this exorcism thing again, but Annie has been changing so quickly already on her own. Mi amor, what would you say are the things we’ve done that make you feel the most…human?”

Annie stirs her milkshake thoughtfully, bites her bottom lip, then answers, “Sex,” not bothering to use a hushed tone. It’s all I can do not to put a hand over her mouth as several other customers give us the side-eye.

“Yeah, that’ll do it,” Ben laughs. “What else?”

“Spicy food, and hot chocolate, and showers,” she says, continuing to think. “Spending time with Monty and Roger…meeting people who are important to you…seeing humans be kind to one another, or to animals…”

“Ok, so…wholesome shit,” I suggest.

“I dunno if I’d call our sex life wholesome,” Ben mutters with a fiendish grin, making Annie giggle. I roll my eyes, but he grips my thigh beneath the table and slides his hand up. I have to bat him away to make sure I don’t get hard in the middle of lunch.

“Well, my idea is that we just try to do as many of those things as we can over the next few weeks. Let Annie really experience all the good things about life, and about humans. Then, when Robert comes to do the exorcism, maybe it’ll get rid of the demon and Annie will be…left behind, so to speak.”

“That was basically your original idea,” I sigh. “Doing good deeds to force her out. Didn’t really work, did it?”

“Not the way I intended, but you can’t tell me it didn’t have something to do with the way she’s changed, Theo.”

I just grumble, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Listen, I can’t have perfect ideas all the time when I already look like this,” Ben jokes. “It just wouldn’t be fair to the rest of you.”

Annie giggles again, but then we all fall into a rather stoic silence, considering what the consequences will be if this new plan fails.

“We have to try,” I say quietly after a minute.

“Agreed,” Ben mutters. Annie puts her hand on top of mine where it’s resting on the table, then reaches over and takes Ben’s too.

“Everything will be fine,” she says with a strained smile. “What did you tell me before, Ben? ‘Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things’, right?”

I raise my eyebrows. “You taught our demon girlfriend a Bible verse?”

“She didn’t burst into flames, so I think it’s fine,” Ben replies, lifting my hand to kiss the backs of my fingers. Our food arrives, and we all eat in relative silence, but when Ben and I go to the bathroom together, he pulls his phone out and shows me a list of things we can do with Annie over the next few weeks.

“I want her to be surprised,” he says eagerly. “What do you think?”

“Add karaoke night with my friends,” I tell him with a grin. “I promised Mak I’d bring the two of you, and Annie will love it.”

“Done,” Ben says. I scan the rest of the list and let out a choked groan when I reach the end.

“We are not taking her to a BDSM club!”

“Killjoy!” Ben laughs, tucking his phone back into his pocket. “Why not?”

“Because she’d enjoy it too much! And then she’d ask you to build her one in the office, and you’d do it because you’re a sucker.”

“Ah, you got me there, osito. Don’t worry though,” he murmurs, pressing me up against the door and cupping the back of my neck, “I’m a sucker for you too.”

The next few weeks, I can only describe as…happy.

Every night, the three of us squeeze into my queen-sized bed with Ben in the middle, because we still aren’t sure if it’s a good idea for Annie and I to be too close. Rex curls up beside Annie’s pillow, or in the little space between her body and Ben’s. In the mornings, Ben makes breakfast and drops us off at the shelter for work. When he’s not doing research at the library, he’s with Monty at the park, playing chess or throwing a ball for Roger; or he’s at home working on some of my Star Wars Lego sets, which I help him with at night while we watch movies.

One day, he comes out of the bedroom wearing gym clothes and tells us he wants to start running again. I decide to go with him a few mornings a week, but Annie is absolutely horrified at the idea of exercise. She rides along inside me, grumbling and grousing the entire time about how she would much rather be on the couch watching Tom & Jerry and eating her favorite jelly-filled donuts. Most of these mornings end with Ben and Annie in the shower together while I watch. Something about the glass partition makes it easier, but keeping my hands off her is still one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

Slowly but surely, my phone fills up with videos and pictures of them, and of us. Stupid selfies, candids, various outfits Annie creates that she wants to remember ‘for later’. Memories. We’re all painfully aware that there might not be a ‘later’, so I let the images take over my phone storage.

The night before Halloween, we let Annie wear her wings and horns out to a costume party at the club where Zayd works as a manager. The tail is just a little too realistic, so she keeps that tucked away. She wears the tightest, shortest red dress I’ve ever seen and, unsurprisingly, is the most popular girl there. Ben’s self-control teeters on the edge all night as we drink and dance and watch Annie politely shoot down half the people in the club. When we finally leave, Ben is so worked up that he takes us straight to the car and pulls her into the backseat, wings and all. I sit in the front and watch her hike the dress up over her hips, use the wings to brace herself, and ride him until the windows are thick with fog. Afterwards, we’re all so drunk and exhausted, we almost fall asleep on the bench seats, and just barely manage to stumble home. Rex greets us with a series of judgmental little chirps that we interpret to mean: ‘You idiots smell like sex and Fireball. Get it together and feed me’.

The next day is Halloween, but I have to work. When Annie and I come home, we find Ben wearing a corset, fishnets, garter belt, and three-inch heels, plus a full face of drag queen makeup. I’m stunned into silence, but Annie is delighted and immediately makes herself a matching outfit. Ben says he’s taking us to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and hands me a pair of loose, white boxers. I watched Rocky Horror a few times in college, but I’ve never gone to the show and I have no idea what’s happening.

“It’s either the boxers or a gold bikini, osito,” Ben tells me as he applies some bright red lipstick to Annie. I let out a loud groan, but his grin is so infectious and he looks so damn good, I relent.

“Fuck it,” I laugh, “gimme the bikini.”

It takes us an entire week to recover from Rocky Horror, but the next weekend is karaoke night. Mak and her girlfriend Skyla, plus Zayd and Jaime, meet us at a little bar downtown. We have to explain karaoke to Annie, but as soon as a few other people get up and start singing, she understands and gets excited, even though she isn’t sure if she wants to try it yet.

“I do not know any songs! I do not want to look like a fool!” she eventually yells to me over the pounding of the music.

“What do you mean, you don’t know any songs?” laughs Skyla, who is already three sheets to the wind, securing her long, black hair into a messy bun in preparation for her next performance.

“She’s from the Netherlands!” Mak cries.

“What?” Skyla screams back.

“The NETHERLANDS!” Mak breaks down in a fit of giggles and Skyla pulls her toward the DJ, where Ben and Zayd are waiting for them. We haven’t even been here two hours, and Ben has already lost a bet to Skyla, requiring him to swap shoes with her, then get on stage and sing a song of her choice. He’s surprisingly graceful in the four-inch, hot pink, strappy stilettos.

“I thought I was from Sweden!” Annie laughs, but I just grin and shrug. “What are you going to sing?”

“Oh no,” I tell her, “I’m just here for moral support.”

“Theo!” she chides. “If I cannot sing, then you must!”

“If I sing for you, what will you do for me, sweetheart?” I ask, feeling a bit frisky after several tequila shots. Annie runs her hand over my chest and slips two fingers between my buttons. She tugs me closer, but before she can give me an answer, Ben screams our names from the stage, where he’s about to sing with Zayd, Mak, and Skyla. Jaime joins me and Annie at the table, laughing at the scene the four of them are causing.

He cups a hand around his mouth and yells, “Where did you find a man who can work heels like that, Theo?”

“He was a rescue!” I call back, and Jaime cackles.

As always, Ben takes center stage, jeans rolled up to show off Skyla’s shoes, and leads the entire bar through a rousing chorus of ‘Pink Pony Club’. When he stumbles back to our table, he plants a long kiss on my lips, snaking one hand up under the back of my shirt. In the stilettos, he’s now taller than me, but before I can really enjoy it, Annie whirls around and sucker punches a random man standing at the table behind her.

“Shut the fuck up!” she screams. Ben and I exchange a look and go after her, but she doesn’t stop swinging or hurling creative threats, even when Ben grabs her around the waist and hauls her away. The guy pulls himself up, wipes his bloody lip, and looks straight at me.

“Keep that psycho bitch on a leash, you stupid fa–”

I don’t let him finish the sentence. Without thinking, I swing, and my fist connects with his jaw. He goes down, and two of his buddies start toward me from across the room as the bar descends into chaos. I duck and rush through the crowd, catch an elbow hard to the face, then spot Ben handing Annie off to Zayd, who pulls her out the door while she spits profanities. Ben somehow finds me, his eyes alight with mischief, and pushes me against a wall, kissing me hard.

The next thing I know, I’m nursing bruised knuckles and a sore cheekbone on the curb outside while a cop breathes down our necks.

“Ya know, Father Ben,” she says, handing his ID back to him with a chuckle, “it was only a few months ago that I said the next time I found you involved in a bar fight, I was gonna let you cool your heels in the drunk tank.”

“Awh, come on, Maddie,” says Ben, giving her a winning smile. “My hand to God, I didn’t even start this one.” His charm saves the day, and we’re let go with a warning. When we finally get a chance to ask Annie what set her off, she just mumbles something about ‘vile, bigoted worms’ and tells us to take her home.

The following Friday afternoon, Ben excitedly lets me know that he found somewhere I’m going to love, but says it’s a surprise. He leaves me and Annie in the apartment, and I don’t hear from anyone until Mak and Skyla show up at my door a few hours later–wearing pink cowgirl hats. They tell me to put on my ‘hillbilly clothes’, so I dig out the Wranglers I used to wear to take Ros line dancing in our hometown, then pull my old boots from the closet.

“What should I wear?” Annie asks me.

“Well, I don’t know where we’re heading, but…given what they told me to wear, how about something like this?” I look up a photo of Dolly Parton wearing a pink and white outfit with long fringes. Annie claps her hands excitedly and recreates it almost perfectly, while making it slightly more revealing. It’s all I can do not to kick Mak and Skyla out and rip the outfit off her.

In her car, Mak has another neon pink cowboy hat waiting for me, but she also has a blindfold and won’t tell me where we’re going. When we finally stop, she helps me out of the passenger seat, and I feel Annie’s warm hand take mine, then they pull the blindfold off. We’re outside a tragically rickety-looking tin and wood building with a flickering neon sign across the front that says ‘8 Second Ride’. I look around, trying to get my bearings, and spot Ben standing out front with Zayd and Jaime. They’re all wearing cowboy hats and boots too. Zayd’s jeans are cut off above his knees and he’s sporting a white crop-top that says ‘Thank God I’m a cunt-ry boy’, which makes me laugh out loud.

Ben stands beside him, wearing a red pearl snap shirt–open halfway down his chest–with the sleeves rolled above his elbows. There’s a rainbow bandana tied around his hat, and he’s also found a large, tacky belt buckle featuring a rooster. He looks out of his element, but also extremely hot. As we approach the building, he greets Annie and then me with a sweet kiss, which is interrupted by Zayd’s good-natured jeering.

“Alright, God, we get it! You’re so fucking cute!”

“What is this?” I ask Ben softly, while Mak and Skyla pull Annie into the bar with them.

“Well, I wanted us to be somewhere a bit safer, and I know how much you love your hillbilly bullshit, so…” He pulls me over to the window and points. The interior walls are lined with every single Pride flag imaginable, and there’s another sign above the bar.

I let out a long breath. “Ben…this is amazing. I’ve never even heard about this place. Did you know it was here?”

“Nah,” he says, tucking his hand into my back pocket and pulling me toward the door, “but Jaime helped me find it. Come on. I want to see your face when you see that I know how to Texas two-step.”

“You do not!” I gasp, handing my ID to the bouncer at the front.

“I told you before, nobody grows up where I did without learning that shit,” Ben replies, and I realize that I’ve never actually asked about where he grew up. He doesn’t like to talk about his family or childhood, so I’ve just avoided the topic. Maybe this would be a good time for me to learn.

We find Annie and my friends standing around a tall table, shots of Fireball already in hand. Annie is practically glowing, and I make a mental note to request a specific song for her and Ben to dance to later. We all take our shots, then Zayd pulls Jaime away to find them both dance partners. Mak and Skyla, meanwhile, settle into a booth nearby, where they will undoubtedly spend the entire evening making out and avoiding the dance floor at all costs. Annie sits with them, and Mak starts explaining all the different Pride flags hanging on the walls to her.

“Alright,” I say, turning to Ben and grinning, “let’s see those two-step skills now, cowboy.” He raises his eyebrows and grabs my hand as a new song starts, pulling me out onto the dance floor. We’re so close that there’s no air between our bodies, and I press my cheek into his neck, relaxing into the rhythm of the music as we move into the circle of other couples. He really is as good as he said, so I let him lead while I just breathe in the way he smells tonight–Aqua Velva and a hint of Fireball.

“Happy, osito?” he murmurs.

“Incandescent,” I reply.

Ben just laughs. “I don’t know what the fuck that means, but you look happy, and I could definitely get used to the cowboy outfit.” He slides his hand into my back pocket again and squeezes.

“I am happy,” I tell him, “and I’m not opposed to the outfit either.”

“We’ll see how you feel when you have to figure out how to get this damn belt buckle off me later,” Ben says, voice low and husky, grazing my jaw with his lips.

I look him in the eye and cup his face with one hand. “You make me happy, Ben.”

He covers my hand with his own and his eyes squeeze shut briefly. We continue dancing in comfortable silence, cheeks pressed together as he—almost absentmindedly—sings ‘Your Man’ into my ear. I think it might be the best moment of my entire life.

When we get home around 1am, Annie tells us she’s tired and curls up on the couch with Rex. She’s been sleeping a few hours in the bed with us every night, but still spends a lot of time in the living room, watching movies with her new best friend. Ben drops his cowboy hat on the counter and starts building her a little blanket nest, but I have to walk away and take a few deep breaths in the hall. After such a great night, my emotions are getting the better of me. Once Annie is settled, Ben follows me and puts a hand on my arm.

“Everything alright?”

Something about the way he looks right now–the unbuttoned shirt and his dark curls sticking to his forehead–makes me completely feral. I grab his ridiculous belt buckle and yank him closer, trapping myself between his body and the wall. He smells like sweat, whiskey, and cheap beer now, but I still crush my mouth against his and tangle my fingers through his hair as he braces both hands behind me.

“Everything’s perfect,” I breathe, “except for the fact that I’m not inside you right now.”

Ben lets out a heady groan and grips the back of my neck hard.

“Careful what you wish for, Saint Theo,” he mutters, then tightens his hold and pushes me ahead of him down the hall to the bedroom. He shuts the door and then suddenly, I’m falling back onto the bed with him on top of me, straddling my legs, his hands shaking a little as they pop open the snaps on my shirt and run over my chest.

“Hey, easy,” I tell him, wrapping my hand around his. “We can go slow.”

Ben leans in and scrapes his teeth across my neck, then whispers, “I don’t do slow. Not when I’ve been waiting weeks for you to fuck me, Theo.”

And there goes the last of my restraint, crumpled up on the floor like the pile of clothes we quickly create. When our bodies collide again, just skin against skin, it feels like an electric shock. We haven’t done this yet, just the two of us, and my breath hitches at the tiny flare of anxiety in my chest. Ben stops kissing me and his hands drift up to my face.

“Please, don’t stop,” he begs, brushing a thumb over my lips.

“I’m sorry,” I reply, tightening my grip on his waist so he knows I’m not backing down. “It’s not you…”

“No apologies. No apologies, and no slowing down. Not on my account, anyway. You hear me?” His hand closes around my throat like a gentle warning–a soft rumble of thunder on the distant horizon before the floodgates open.

“I hear you.” When we kiss again, he grinds against me so our cocks rub together, and my groan escapes into his mouth.

“Fuck, Theo!” he spits out. “You barely even have to fucking touch me and look how hard I am.” One of his hands stays clasped loosely around my throat, but the other drifts down to where our bodies are pressed together. He swipes his finger over the head of my cock, collecting a drop of precum and bringing it to his mouth. My jaw goes slack as he rolls his tongue around the tip of his finger, closing his eyes and humming with pleasure.

The look on his face, and the noises he makes, not to mention how hard he is, serves as my confirmation that he wants this. He wants me, just me, as much as I want him. The idea of it builds like a thunderhead in my chest, darkening and straining for release, until finally a bolt of lightning shoots through me. I slip out from between him and the bed to open my nightstand and pull out a condom. Ben leans over and peeks into the drawer, then grabs the bottle of lube I was about to reach for.

“Be honest with me, osito,” he says playfully, “how old is this shit?”

“I…uh…I actually bought it last week,” I admit as my face heats up.

“Ohh,” Ben breathes, tossing the bottle onto the bed and pressing himself up against me again, then reaching around to grab my ass. “So, Saint Theo has been thinking about fucking me for a while then?”

I roll my eyes and grin. “I just wanted to…be prepared.”

“God, you’re such a fucking Boy Scout,” Ben breathes with a wide smile, pulling me toward the bed. I hold back and put my hand on his chest.

“I know you don’t like slowing down, Ben…” I hold the wrapped condom up between us. “But…”

He sighs and smiles, then threads his fingers through mine. “When you’re right, you’re right. I got tested about a month before I met you and Annie. Didn’t hook up with anyone in between.”

“I…haven’t gotten one since college,” I tell him, “but it was right after I started dating Ros, and we were always exclusive.”

“Scout’s honor?” Ben asks, holding three fingers up beside his dimpled cheek.

“Fuck you,” I laugh.

“Yeah, you’d better.” Ben’s grin fades a little, and he holds my face between his hands. “I trust you, Theo. Wear it or don’t, nothing is going to change how I feel about this–about you.”

“Nothing?” I ask, putting my hand over his and searching his dark eyes.

“I mean…if you wanted to bring Star Wars shit into the bedroom, I’d have some questions, but…” His grin returns and I lean into him, pressing a deep, slow kiss to his lips and slipping my tongue between his teeth. He lets out a noise almost like a whimper and then says, “Whatever you decide, God, please do it quick. Every second you’re not inside me is fucking torture.”

I reach behind him and toss the condom onto the bed, then stroke my fingers up and down his shaft. He looks like he’s about to come apart right there in my hand, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying it.

“Maybe I like watching you beg,” I murmur, catching his bottom lip between my teeth and biting down gently. His entire body shudders as if it’s going to break down, and he reaches for the lube, smacks it into my chest, and holds my gaze. There’s some kind of dark, aching fire behind his eyes that steals my breath. No one has ever looked at me like this, like my touch might push them to the brink of madness if they don’t get more.

“Luckily for you, pride is one of the only sins I’m not guilty of,” Ben whispers with his lips on my neck. “You want me to beg, Theo? You got it. You’ve got all of me. I’d do anything just to have even a piece of you. A second of your time, a look, a kiss, my name on your tongue. Whatever your fucking price is, I’ll pay it. Anything. Just, please, put me out of my goddamn misery.”

Completely unsure how I’ve held out this long, I grab his hips and spin him around. He braces his hands on the mattress and waits, murmuring ‘please’ over and over under his breath as I apply the lube to both of us. My hands are shaking by the time I run my thumbs over his tailbone and take a deep breath.

“Fingers first?” I ask softly, and he lets out a loud, frustrated groan, arching his back and then nodding quickly. I start with one, then a second. Ben’s breathing quickens and my erection is almost painful now with how badly I need him, but I wrap my left arm around his waist and don’t stop until he reaches back and pushes me away.

“Not to be dramatic, but if you don’t fuck me right now, I think I might die,” he says with a weak laugh. I grin and reach up to grab his shoulder, leaning over him as I line our bodies up. Ben’s need for fast and hard overrides everything, and once the head of my cock is in, he pushes his hips back. I cry out, my body folding over his as the sensation of his muscles clenching overwhelms me.

“Fuck!” I moan. “Fuck, Ben, I forgot what this feels like. Goddamnit, I don’t know how long I can last…” He just laughs and starts to rock forward and back again, each breath more ragged than the last as he takes what he needs from me.

“How long has it been since your last confession, Saint Theo?” he asks, and I bury my sweat soaked face between his shoulder blades, half laughing and half moaning.

“Christ, Ben, you can’t say shit like that with my dick inside you. It’s weird.”

“Well, you know how to shut me up.” He tilts his hips and shifts his weight backwards, pushing my cock deeper inside him, and the noise that comes out of his mouth awakens some small, primal thing in my chest. I straighten up and grab a fistful of his hair, jerking his head back and eliciting a loud gasp.

“Fuck that,” I mutter in his ear, thrusting harder, deeper, giving him exactly what he’s been after all night. “I want you screaming my name so damn loud that every person in this fucking building hears you. Understand?”

“Anything…you want…” Ben pants. “Just don’t fucking stop, Theo, please…”

I don’t stop, and neither does he, but I can’t hold out as long as I want to. It’s already been weeks since Annie and I were together, combined with the fact that it’s been so many years since I was with another man. It feels too fucking good. Better than I remember, or maybe that’s just Ben. The way he moves and sounds, the things he says to me are too fucking good. My body seizes hard as I come, and I fold over him again, grabbing his shoulders and sinking my teeth into his skin wherever I can find purchase, hoping I leave marks.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Ben…” I groan, but he doesn’t seem bothered. He laughs again, pulls away from me, then spins and collapses backwards onto the bed.

“As long as your mouth still works,” he grunts, pushing himself up on his elbows and grabbing my hair. I grin and drop onto my knees, seizing his thighs and sliding him to the edge of the mattress, then taking his cock as deep into my mouth as I can. His head drops back, his grip on my hair tightens, and he sighs, “Fuck, Theo, that’s it…good boy…”

Hearing him talk like that nearly pushes me over the edge again, and I wonder how many rounds of this I can do in a single night, because I never want it to end.

38

Annie

Ben told me to stay on the couch no matter what I hear in the bedroom.

It does not take me very long to understand why, and I cannot help but smile. Poor Theo has not been able to fully participate in bedroom, shower, or car ‘activities’ with us, so I am more than happy to give them their time together. However, it is difficult to listen to the noises they make without becoming aroused. I try to focus on the film I am watching, about a police officer who disguises herself as a beauty queen, but it becomes impossible when I hear Ben moaning Theo’s name. As quietly as I can, I pause the film and push Rex off my lap, then lie back on the couch and slide my hand down my own stomach, into my shorts. The insides of my thighs are already slick from listening to them, so I press down and move my fingers in slow circles over my clit, trying to imagine what they look like tangled up in each other that way.

As the pressure inside me builds, I am almost tempted to sneak down the hall and watch, but I need release so badly, I am not sure I can move. Instead, I close my eyes and tip my head back, focusing on the sound of Ben’s voice. His rasping groans and sharp cries. The way he spits Theo’s name out–as if he cannot possibly say it enough times–as if he will crumble if he stops. I hear Theo too, his tone slightly higher, with a hint of surprise behind it, his breaths coming in bursts of effort that keep time with the sound of skin hitting skin. I push my own body harder, clenching every muscle and sliding my other fingers into my soaking wet pussy, desperately searching for relief, but it is not enough.

I need more, and I know there is only one way I can get it. Reaching deep inside with my magic, I coax the long tail from my body. The end is capped with its usual deadly spike, but I can use my shadows to shift it into any form I like. It is so dark I can hardly see, but it does not need to be perfect. Visualizing both their cocks in my mind, imagining the way they fill me so perfectly, I run my fingers over the tip of my tail and shape it into a rough approximation of what I need.

Their voices continue echoing down the hall, but I can tell Theo is almost at his limit, so I reach down and pull my shorts aside. Using two fingers to spread myself, I slowly slip the newly reformed tail inside me. It is certainly not a replacement for either of the men in the other room, but I have to turn my head and clamp my teeth down on a blanket just to keep from crying out at how good it does feel.

I begin slowly, pulling it nearly all the way out, coating it with my wetness, then sliding it back in. The feeling of being stretched, combined with the sensation of my own inner walls squeezing around the sensitive tip of my tail, is completely and overwhelmingly delicious. I adjust the shape and size of it as I move, hitting every single spot that sends me reeling. As Theo and Ben’s voices build in the other room, so does my speed, until I am moaning their names into the blanket I keep clenched between my teeth. My hips lift completely off the couch while my fingers continue to circle my clit and my left hand clutches the blanket.

Theo cries out Ben’s name when he comes, and I cannot help but do the same. Ben continues to moan and his voice, combined with the near-frantic movements of my own tail, finally push me over the edge. When the orgasm hits, my back arches painfully, and I accidentally rip the blanket with my claws and fangs, which have emerged without my bidding. I feel as though I am suspended in midair for a few moments, ragged breaths tearing from my throat, and then I fall. As I come down, I drop my legs open and continue to lazily fuck myself with the tip of my tail, reveling in the tiny aftershocks of pleasure rippling through my core. In a complete haze, I am not sure how long I lie there, but my eyes snap open when I hear a hushed voice behind me.

“Annie!” I tilt my head back to see Ben staring at me, shock and amusement both painted on his face. He runs his eyes over my trembling body, lingering on the tip of my tail. I withdraw it, dripping wet, and use it to tease my pussy, angling myself so that he can see exactly what I have been doing without him.

“You told me to remain on the couch,” I tell him coyly, “but I could hear everything, and I was…desperate.”

“I’ll say,” Ben mutters. “You’ve been holding out on me though. I didn’t know you could…make it look like that.” A devilish grin crosses his face, and I return it.

“So…I am not in trouble?” I ask, arching my back so my breasts are on full display beneath the paper-thin shirt. Ben comes around and crouches beside me, then runs one hand through my hair and the other over my breasts, pinching my nipples through the fabric. He is shirtless, with loose shorts on, beads of sweat still clinging to the dark hair on his chest. I have the sudden, strange urge to lean forward and lick it off of him.

“Give me that tail first, and then I’ll decide,” he orders.

“I could not help myself. Your voices…the noises you were making. I wanted to come in and watch.”

“Maybe next time, if you’re a good girl.”

“Maybe next time, I could be the one who–”

“Annie,” Ben interjects, raising his eyebrows, “just gimme the damn tail.” I playfully wave it in front of his face, teasing him by grazing the wet tip along his lips. He snatches it before I can move away, however, and pulls it up to his mouth. Gently, I slide it inside and over his tongue, causing his eyes to roll back in his head as he tastes my pleasure.

“So fucking good, mi amor,” he whispers. “And I have some…ideas for what we could do with this next time.” I suck in a sharp breath and grin at the thought of it. Ben stands and pulls me up, then threads his fingers into my hair and kisses me. I lean into him, relying on his steadiness and strength to keep me upright, since my legs are still shaking slightly.

“Where is Theo?” I ask.

“Shower,” Ben says, jerking his head toward the bathroom, where I can hear the water running. “I need one too. Come on. Keep the tail out.” Theo grins when he sees me, but it falters when he notices the tail. At least I have returned the tip to a blunted taper.

“I thought you were asleep, sweetheart,” he says. Ben strips his shorts off and steps into the shower, then murmurs something to him. Theo’s eyes and smile both widen when he looks back at me. “Naughty, Annie. Resourceful though.”

Ben beckons me into the shower with them, but I ask Theo, “Will you be alright?”

His eyes soften and he nods. “I’ll be fine. Maybe…get rid of the tail though? It’s a little cramped in here already.”

I wave my hand to make my clothing–and the tail–disappear, then step into the stream of hot water. It is a tight squeeze with all three of us, but I do not think anyone minds. Theo is in a better mood than I have seen him since I arrived, his cheeks flushed and blue eyes bright as Ben runs a soapy washcloth over his body.

Warmth blooms in my chest, but I try to shove it down. It is only a few more days until Ben’s friend arrives to attempt another exorcism, and I do not know what will happen then. I ought to enjoy this life, and these two sweet men, while I can. I ought to be enjoying the human emotions that will likely be stripped from me when I return to the Seventh Tower.

But I watch the way they laugh and talk and touch each other, and I wonder if they will forget me once I am gone. Will they be sad for a few months, mourning the life we might have had together, then move on? Humans are a remarkably resilient species, capable of withstanding unfathomable trauma. Just how deep will my absence cut them? They will still have one another. Losing me will not tear the two of them apart, I can see that now, but it only makes my despair more overwhelming.

My sole consolation is that, without me, they will both be safe from Annoth. There will be no threat hanging over their heads, no lies to tell their families, no need for Theo to keep his emotions in check. Their lives will be simpler, and I cannot stand the thought of it. A deep well of anger bubbles up inside me and tears prick my eyes. Ben is focused on washing his own body now, but Theo seems to notice my distress and touches my elbow.

“Annie?” he says softly. I quickly turn toward the stream of water and put my face beneath it, pretending to clean myself.

“Will you wash my back?” I ask him.

“Sure.” He picks up the washcloth, then squeezes soap onto it. Ben moves past us and stands in front of me, rinsing himself off and splashing me playfully.

“You alright, mi amor?” he asks when he notices that I am not responding how I normally might.

“I am ready for bed,” I tell him with a faint smile.

“God, I know,” he laughs. “You two finish up, I’m gonna go change the sheets.” He kisses my cheek and exits the shower. Once he is gone, Theo collects my long hair and moves it over my shoulder.

“You can tell me the truth, Annie,” he says after a few moments. “Ben’s the sweetest, but he’s a bit clueless. I know something’s bothering you.”

I sigh deeply, letting my body sag. “I am afraid.”

“Of what might happen with this exorcism?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Theo murmurs. “I wish…I wish there was another way, but Ben hasn’t found anything, and if we’re being honest, I just don’t know about his theory. You and her…splitting apart, physically. I hope it’s true. I hope it works. I don’t want to lose you.”

I turn to face him, and he settles his arms around me, tucking me against his chest and resting his chin on my head while the hot water caresses my back. We have not been this close in weeks, and as much as I would like to simply enjoy it, I am on my guard for Annoth.

“I will do anything to protect the two of you,” I tell him, “and I am not afraid of what might await me when I go back. But…I am afraid you will both forget me when I am gone.”

“Annie, sweetheart,” Theo laughs, “how the hell could we ever forget you? Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.” I pull my face away from his chest and look up at him.

“May I sleep between the two of you tonight?” I ask. “Do you think that would be safe?”

“I think that would be fine,” he murmurs, brushing a strand of wet hair out of my face and kissing me on the forehead. His gentleness brings tears back to my eyes, but I drop my head to his chest again so he does not see them.

I cannot sleep. Even cradled between Ben and Theo, with their arms draped over me and their fingers clasped together on my hip, I cannot find peace. I watch Ben’s face as he sleeps, his dark curls spilling onto the pillow, lips twitching as he dreams. Even now, he grins–ever the optimist, the one who believes things will work out, the one who pulls us back together when we fall apart. I do not deserve him, but I desperately want to keep him anyway.

Slowly, I roll to my other side and brush my fingers over Theo’s jaw. He always looks just a little tense when he sleeps, with a small furrow between his eyebrows. It is so difficult for him to let go of his worries, of his fears and anxieties, even at rest. I hoped I could be a soft place for him to land—a safe harbor in the storm, a warm kiss after a long walk in the cold. I know Ben will be all those things for him if I cannot.

After nearly an hour of chasing sleep with no satisfaction, I carefully slip out of the bed and go to the living room, where I open a window and sit beside it. I can just barely see the full moon hovering over the roofs, and take a deep breath before I speak.

“I know that I should not be asking anything of you. I am…not one of your creatures. I was born to darkness and fire, not meant for this kind of light, but I have found it nonetheless, and…I do not want to go back now. Ben tells me that love endures all things, and that these are words from your holy book, so please…tell me what I must do. I will give you anything–endure anything–to stay with them, to have this love. Please…”

I wait for a few minutes, listening for any kind of reply, but I am met with an unending, suffocating silence, which I fill with my own tears.

The following Saturday evening, Ben sticks Theo and I in his car with absolutely no warning and drives us across town to another dingy-looking bar with a small crowd inside. He tells us to get a drink and sit down, so we do, but then he vanishes. I ask Theo what is happening, but he does not seem to know. Ten minutes later, the curtain pulls back on a tiny corner stage, where several men in Green Day shirts, like the ones Ben wears, are setting up instruments.

“Oh…oh God,” Theo mutters with a tiny laugh.

I frown at him. “What is it?”

“Remember…when Ben told us he plays drums?”

Before I can answer, Ben appears on the stage in one of his sleeveless t-shirts, black makeup smudged around his eyes. He sits behind the drum set and waves at us, then picks up a pair of sticks and twirls them skillfully between his fingers.

I wave back and smile, but whisper to Theo, “What is happening?”

“Just watch,” he replies, grinning ear-to-ear.

If it is possible, watching Ben play the drums makes me fall even more in love with him. It is not just that he is very good at it–because he truly is good at everything he does–but when he plays, I can see the weight melting from his shoulders. He appears younger, completely lost in the blaring music, thrashing his head and singing along, occasionally shooting a wink or blowing a kiss across the bar at us. Theo seems to be feeling the same way I am, judging by the smile that will not leave his face, and the hungry way he kisses Ben after the show.

Since Theo and I each had several drinks, Ben drives home, but neither of us can keep our hands off of him. From the back seat, I slip my fingers into his shirt, nipping at his neck and ears with my fangs. Theo sits beside him in the front seat, one hand slowly drifting up his thigh and rubbing until Ben lets out a soft moan.

“Theo…Annie,” he warns, “you’re about to have me breaking the fucking sound barrier to get us home faster.”

“Why’s that?” Theo asks with a wicked grin.

“Because I have a list of truly filthy things I’d like to do to you both when we get there.”

“Does your list perhaps involve…this?” I ask, twisting and pulling shadows behind my back to recreate the tail that he seems to enjoy so much. Once it is solid, I thread it around his neck and his breath catches.

“Yes, it actually does,” he murmurs. The anticipation in the car builds to an unbearable crescendo during the rest of the drive, which I spend teasing the two of them with my tail.

It has taken a great deal of work for me to be able to control my demon powers and human emotions simultaneously. Since I do not need to sleep much, I have spent hours each night sitting out on the couch, watching television and practicing. Now, I believe it is a good time to put my hard work to the test. When we finally park outside Theo’s building, I hide the tail and Ben practically drags me out of the back seat, then holds my hand the entire way up the stairs. Theo walks behind us, holding my other hand. At the top of the stairs, Ben drops my fingers and pulls out his keys to go ahead of us and unlock the door. Theo jerks me back a little and slides a hand around my waist, then presses his lips to my ear.

“You and I are in charge tonight,” he whispers. “Make him forget all about his damn list, alright?”

I nod eagerly and lick my lips. “But you and I…we still should not…”

“Just follow my lead,” Theo says. Down the hall, Ben clears his throat, and when we enter the apartment, Rex immediately greets us by rubbing against my legs. I bend over to pet him, but Ben uses the distraction to grab me and pin me face-first up against the wall.

“First thing on my list is to see if this pretty cunt is already wet for me,” he rasps as two of his fingers slide beneath my skirt to find my panties already soaked. “Goddamn, Annie. I’m surprised you weren’t begging for my cock the entire way home.” Theo approaches us and puts his wrists together, then flicks his eyes at Ben, who is so focused on me that he does not notice. I think I understand what Theo wants, so I reach down deep and pull my shadow-tail back out, spiraling it around Ben and pinning his arms to his sides.

“Annie, what the hell?” he groans, but Theo steps up behind us.

“Tonight,” he says quietly, running his hands over Ben’s hips, “you’re gonna let us take care of you. No list, no control. Just be a good boy, and listen.”

Ben lets out a long, ragged breath and snarls, “Oh, fuck that.”

“Take him to the bedroom, Annie,” says Theo with a grin. I turn to face Ben, wrapping my tail tighter and adding a few shadows for good measure. Ben glares at me, but I can see his eyes shining as I walk backwards down the hall, pulling him along and making my own clothing disappear piece-by-piece. By the time we reach the bedroom, I am naked—save for the shadows swirling around my body. Theo comes to stand beside me and gently kisses my cheek. This is as far as he and I ought to go right now, so we both turn our attention to Ben.

“Well?” he asks, trying to shift his arms beneath the bonds.

“Sit him down,” Theo tells me. I can see that Ben is already hard, and my mouth begins to water, so I pull him over to the bed and use my shadows to bind his wrists and forearms together, then withdraw my tail from around him.

“This is not fucking fair,” he groans.

“Maybe a gag too,” Theo laughs as he removes his own shirt. The way they are both looking at me only serves to make me wetter, and I know exactly what I want at this moment. I turn back to Ben and unzip his jeans, then pull them to the floor. He opens his mouth to speak, but I thread a shadow across his lips and his eyes widen. Theo comes up behind me and puts a hand on my lower back.

“I want to watch you suck him off,” I say, and his eyes sparkle.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” Theo replies. “You hold onto him.” I climb onto the bed and kneel behind Ben, wrapping my arms around him the same way I did in the car. He tilts his head back and turns toward me, inhaling my scent as Theo drops onto his knees and takes Ben’s cock in his mouth. A deep groan rumbles through Ben’s chest, and I realize that his shirt is still on. I want it gone, so I push my claws out and slice through the fabric, using my tail to help me remove the pieces. With Theo’s lips and hand on his shaft, I do not think Ben even notices. I toss the shirt scraps aside, then put my claws away and run my fingers through the hair on his chest, kissing his shoulders, teasing his neck with my tail, and whispering in his ear.

“Does that feel good, my love? You like it when Saint Theo sucks your cock, don’t you? Do you want to come in his mouth?”

Ben just nods and struggles against my shadows.

“I do not think that is the plan for tonight,” I laugh softly. “And you will just have to accept it. Judging by the sounds you are making right now, I think you enjoy being at our mercy.”

Another loud groan, and his body twitches.

“Lay him back,” Theo says, pulling away from Ben and standing up.

“I want to taste him now,” I tell Theo.

“Good thing that’s exactly what I had in mind.” He begins to remove his own jeans, while I pull Ben by his shoulders so he is lying flat on his back. His eyes, still surrounded by smudged makeup, flicker around my face, then down the rest of my body. Theo moves to stand between his legs, then takes hold of his cock, pumping it slowly and making his back arch up.

Theo’s eyes are intense–darker than usual–and the edge of power in his voice sends a shiver of longing through my body. This is a different side of him than I am used to seeing, and I want more. I desperately want him to take control and use me however he wants right now, but I return my focus to the man beneath me, bound by my shadows, watching as my tail flicks back and forth above his face.

“Look at me, Ben,” says Theo, putting one knee on the edge of the mattress and bracing his hands on either side of Ben’s body, then kissing him on the jaw, the neck, the chest…slowly moving down. “Here’s what’s going to happen now: Our sweet Annie is going to take the gag off so you can taste how wet she is for us. If you’re good, and you don’t run that mouth of yours, she’ll suck your cock while you make her come on your tongue. As many times as you can.” Theo pauses and looks up at me, so I wave my hand to remove the shadow gag from Ben’s mouth. A fiendish smile immediately spreads across his face.

“I know you aren’t planning to just sit there and watch this time, Saint Theo,” he breaths. Theo leans in again and slides his own erection between Ben’s hands, which are still tied at the wrists. Ben squeezes it as their lips lock together and Theo pumps his hips.

“No, I’m not going to watch,” he whispers. “This time, I’m going to fuck you.” The desperate sound that escapes Ben’s mouth flips a switch inside of me, and I use the tip of my tail to tilt his chin back as Theo removes his cock from Ben’s grip and stands up again.

“You will only say ‘yes’ and ‘no’, or our names,” I tell him. “You will not give us any orders, or do anything without our permission. Do you understand?”

“Yes, mi amor,” he answers, dark eyes shining fervently. I can tell that he desperately wants to be in control of the situation, but he does not speak as he raises his bound arms and looks at me imploringly. He is trying to remind me how good he can make me feel with his tongue and fingers alone, and it works, because I wave my hand to remove the shadow binding. In a flash, he grabs the backs of my thighs, jerking me forward so I have to brace my hands on his hips.

“Impatient,” Theo laughs softly. He reaches into his nightstand drawer and removes a small bottle. On my knees, I shuffle forward and Ben wraps his arms around my thighs, pulling me down onto his face. All of the energy he would normally be using to talk or direct the two of us, he now channels into fucking me with his tongue.

“Oh God, Ben!” I cry as he plunges inside me, thrusting and licking and sucking with an enthusiasm I have never felt from him before. Theo still stands between his legs, watching us hungrily as he applies the lube to himself and Ben. I am eager to watch them together, and the anticipation only brings me closer to release. But Ben’s fingers, which he buries deep inside me–and his lips sucking my clit–also do their fair share. Theo tosses the bottle aside, then reaches out and gently takes hold of my throat.

“How’s he doing, sweetheart?”

“So…fucking…good,” I pant, my fingertips digging into Ben’s flesh. I must be careful that my claws do not make an appearance, although I am not sure if Ben would mind the pain or the scars.

“Are you close?” Theo asks, his own breaths coming faster and faster as his eyes flicker down to where my tits are bouncing mere inches from his mouth. This must be just as torturous for him as it is for me.

“Yes,” I moan, rocking forward and nearly kissing him.

Theo leans closer, tightens his fingers around my throat, then whispers a truly filthy request in my ear. The thrill of it sends a shockwave through my body which, combined with Ben’s fingers and mouth, push me into the spiral of a delicious orgasm, which I know will only be the first tonight.

39

Theo

I can’t imagine why I thought this was a good idea, but I’m also not sure why we haven’t done it before. It was something about the way Ben looked playing drums tonight, and the way Annie brought that damn tail out in the car—it pushed me over an edge I didn’t even know existed. I’m still being careful about Annie and I having too much contact. I’m still keeping a lid on my feelings. I’m still doing what I can to hold Annoth at bay. But tonight, it’s purely physical.

Tonight, I need them both the same way I need air or water. The last few weeks of only having Ben, or only watching the two of them together, it’s left me parched, dry, gasping. I need to breathe them in, drink my fill, suffocate between their bodies, and let them wash over me–drown me, even. This desperation has been burning me from the inside out, and tonight I intend to douse that flame.

I guess that’s why I felt like it was a good idea to give Annie the instructions I did. Watching her come on Ben’s fingers and tongue though, I can barely breathe, let alone second-guess myself. Fuck, she’s so gorgeous when she gets off–her face flushed and her tits pressed between her arms, her mouth making that little O-shape. Not to mention the fucking noises she makes. I could probably come just listening to her come. Another time, maybe. Ben gasps for air as she folds forward, shadows swirling around her body, tail lashing behind her. I catch her by the shoulders and push her back, then lift her chin with one hand.

“Annie, look at me.”

Her eyes snap open. No blackness. No demon. God, I want to kiss her so fucking badly, and I think she senses it because she puts a hand on my chest and uses me to straighten herself up. Then, she reaches down and grabs the back of Ben’s legs, lifting them so he can settle his heels on the edge of the mattress. I grab his hips and slide him closer to me, grinning at her while she watches me tease him with the tip of my cock. He’s still gripping her thighs tight, and I can tell how hard he’s fighting the urge to speak. As soon as I start to touch him, his breathing becomes labored, and Annie’s does too. She’s leaning over, bracing her hands on the mattress beside his legs, watching while I use my fingers on him first.

“Does he feel good, Ben?” she murmurs, circling her hand around his cock.

“Fuck, yes,” he moans, “but I–” He somehow manages to stop himself, and Annie lets out a soft laugh.

“Are you ready for Theo to fuck you now?” she asks, and he answers by jerking her back down and burying his tongue inside her again. She lets out a sweet little gasp and lowers her mouth to the tip of his cock, catching the drops of precum on her tongue and then running it down his shaft. I wait patiently, drinking in the sound of their soft moans, until she looks up at me and nods, then I hold my breath and plunge my cock into Ben.

“Fuck!” His voice is muffled by Annie still sitting on his face, but his reaction also probably has something to do with the fact that she took his cock all the way to the back of her throat at the same time I entered him. His entire body strains now, every muscle taut and tense, but his legs drop open further and his hips tilt, taking me deeper. I can’t help but let out a gasp of my own, and plant one hand on his hip for leverage, then pull out slowly and thrust into him again, setting a pace that he mirrors on Annie with his fingers. She whimpers as he works her back up, teasing her clit with his tongue.

She pulls his cock out of her mouth just long enough to moan, “Ben…Ben, that feels so fucking good!”

I think he might be close to his limit, judging by the way his body is twitching and the sounds coming from between Annie’s legs, so I reach down and seize a handful of her hair.

“I want to see you come again, sweetheart,” I say, “and I want to hear it this time.” She wastes no time in bringing the tip of her tail around and running her hand over it, changing the shape, then swinging it back behind her.

“Oh, hell yes, Annie,” Ben whispers, and he puts his hand around the tip of her tail, helping guide it inside her pussy. I can’t imagine how good the view is from his angle, because his eyes grow even wider as he watches her fuck herself, while still keeping her mouth around his cock. After a minute, he shakes himself from the hypnosis and starts sucking her clit, which sends her right over the edge again. She releases his cock and practically screams both our names when she comes. I’m still fucking Ben, but watching the two of them like this only pushes me closer and closer, so I reach out and seize Annie by the throat again. I’m not nearly as gentle this time, squeezing another loud cry from her as the second orgasm rocks her body.

“Fuck, Annie, you’re doing so well. You’re being such a good girl,” I tell her. “I can’t believe how fucking beautiful you are when he makes you come, but I need one more from you. One more. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?” She keeps her eyes shut and nods, then her fingers close around my wrist as she shudders one last time and goes slightly limp. Ben continues groaning beneath me, so I push him harder, my thrusts becoming rougher and more insistent.

“Do you remember what else I need from you?” I ask breathlessly.

“Yes,” Annie whispers, her voice hoarse. “Ben, my love, you will want to watch this.” She opens her eyes and the devious little sparkle returns as she swings her tail back around and takes the tip between her hands. I keep a tight grip on her throat and watch as she reshapes it into a delicate, blunt taper, about the width of her thumb. Then, she reaches over and grabs the bottle of lube from the bed. I slow my pace and Ben lets out a long breath, tilting his chin down to see what Annie is doing.

“Oh, Theo…” he murmurs, and our eyes meet. I give him a wide smile, as well as another hard thrust, and he drops his head with a moan. Once Annie’s tail is ready, she wraps it around my hips and slides over my tailbone.

“Breathe, Theo,” she says softly, gripping my wrist with my hand still around her throat. I can’t look at her, can’t let myself feel too much, so I look down at Ben instead, holding his gaze as the tip of Annie’s tail teases and prods for a moment, then slides inside me. I groan, release her throat, and fall forward so my head presses into Ben’s ribs. I never imagined anything could feel this fucking good. Being inside him, having her inside me. It’s ecstasy. Pure fucking ecstasy that I’ll never recover from.

“Is this alright, love?” Annie asks gently, brushing her fingers against my cheek.

“Yes,” I gasp. “God, yes. Don’t stop.” She moves her tail gently, slowly, a little at a time until I’ve adjusted, and I can resume my own movements, which send Ben into a spiral. He moans my name over and over again, grabbing onto my arms as his back arches. I can tell he’s about to come, so I wrench myself free from his grasp and straighten up, trying not to fall apart myself.

“One more, sweet Annie,” I tell her, then I grab her hair and guide her head down again so she can suck Ben’s cock. He puts his arms back around her thighs and resumes eating her out, then everything around me dissolves into a haze of moans and screams, jerking bodies, and bruising fingers digging into sweat-soaked flesh. Ben comes first, his entire body almost lifting off the mattress as I slam my cock into him one more time and let myself go, reaching back to grip Annie’s tail, keeping it inside me. He uses her thighs as leverage to slide himself back and forth on top of the sheets, pulling every last drop from my cock. Annie suddenly comes too and collapses into me, our mouths somehow colliding through the fog.

The salty remnants of Ben’s cum tinge her kiss, but it looks like she spilled the rest of it onto his stomach. Her tail stays inside me for a moment longer as the orgasm works its way through my body, clenching every muscle in turn, then she withdraws. I pull out of Ben too, then collapse beside him on the bed. Breaths coming in tiny bursts edged with moans, Annie shuffles backwards and falls above our heads. Ben’s chest is heaving and I put my hand over his racing heart. He grabs it and brings each of my fingers to his lips in turn, then reaches behind my neck and pulls me in for a kiss that tastes entirely like Annie’s sweet pussy.

“That was…” he gasps, “that was just…”

Giggling, Annie inches down to drape her arm across his chest. “I do not think you were given permission to speak again,” she teases, and he pulls her into an upside down kiss.

“Well, then it’s a good thing you fucked the words right out of my mouth,” he says hoarsely when they break apart. He collapses back onto the mattress and closes his eyes, so I tilt my head back to look at Annie. She meets my gaze and gives me a sweet, if exhausted, smile.

No demon. Just my Annie.

Careful to keep my actual emotions under lock and key, I dare one more kiss, threading my fingers through her hair—my thirst for both of them completely and utterly quenched.

I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing on the nightstand, but I’m feeling so blissful, I don’t even want to answer. It’s Sunday, my one day completely off from work, so I can only imagine it’s my mom calling to ask if I’m going to be at Mass and family lunch today. I can’t have that conversation with her when my demon girlfriend and ex-priest boyfriend are sleeping next to me, especially after what we did last night, so I just let it ring and open my eyes.

They’re both so funny when they sleep—mouths hanging wide open and arms thrown in every direction. I’ve been told I sleep in a tight ball, and that I look very serious, but these two don’t seem to have a care in the world. Ben is on his back with his arms above his head, snoring a little. Annie is sprawled beside him, drooling on his bicep, one hand tangled through his and one resting on his chest as it rises and falls. Rex has wedged himself between them, curled against Annie’s stomach with his head tucked under his tail. It’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, but I have to keep my emotions in check. Being incredibly careful and slow, I reach back and grab my phone to take a picture. As soon as I snap it, however, another call comes through. It’s Aileen, my boss at the shelter. I already have two missed calls from her and a few texts, so I answer it, rolling over to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Hey, Aileen. Everything ok?”

“Oh, gosh, Theo, I am so sorry!” she says, her voice strained. “I know it’s your day off, and I hate to ask you this, but my ex had an emergency and I have to go pick my kid up two hours away. Is there any way you could go over to the shelter and do all the feedings and clean kennels this morning? I should be able to come in to do them this afternoon, but I have to get on the road ASAP.”

“Of course,” I tell her. “Yeah, that’s not a problem at all. Is it ok if I bring Ben and Annie to help me out?”

“That’s fine!” Aileen sighs, the relief in her voice audible. “Thank you so much, Theo! Obviously you’ll get paid, and I’ll make it up to you somehow, I promise! You’re the best!”

“Sure thing, Aileen. I’ve got my key. You just worry about your family.”

We say a quick goodbye, then I haul myself out of the bed and begin searching for work-appropriate clothing. I bought myself some scrubs just after starting, because they’re comfortable and easy to wash, but they’re all dirty today. Instead, I throw on a pair of ragged sweatpants and one of Ben’s band shirts that I find on the floor.

“Everything good, osito?” comes his still-raspy voice from behind me. I climb back onto the bed and crawl over him, lowering myself down to kiss his neck. His arms thread around me, pulling me into his little pool of warmth. If I could have only one thing guaranteed for the rest of my life, it would be to wake up like this every single morning.

“Please tell me I didn’t hallucinate everything that happened last night…” Ben murmurs against my lips.

“Oh, so you did enjoy it?” I tease.

“How could I not fucking enjoy that? You and Annie…with the tail…” His eyes roll back and he groans, then reaches around and pulls me down on top of him, biting my bottom lip.

“As much as I’d love to do Round Two, I have to go into the shelter for a while. Aileen had a family emergency. I thought maybe you could come with us?”

“It is too early,” Annie groans, stretching her body out and waking Rex, who chirps in annoyance.

“What if…” I murmur, moving over to kiss her collarbone, “I told you that Mama Cat might have had her babies last night?”

Annie’s eyes snap open, and she fights back a grin. “Very well,” she says. “I suppose we should all go.”

“You don’t have much of a choice, sweetheart,” I laugh.

“I guess I could use some puppy time, sure,” says Ben, giving Rex the side-eye. He’s not much of a cat person, but Rex loves him anyway. We all roll out of bed and slowly get dressed, then each pour a bowl of Lucky Charms and eat in relative silence, exhausted from the night before. Ben keeps looking at me with a small smirk on his face, and I know he’s replaying the entire thing in his head, just like I am. Once we’re all dressed and fed, with coffee in our hands, we stumble down to Ben’s car and head for the shelter.

“Won’t make it to Mass or lunch this morning obviously, but…maybe we should try to get to a family dinner at my parents’ house sometime this week?” I say softly.

Ben glances at me and raises an eyebrow. “As roommates?”

“I…I’m not sure yet,” I reply, dropping my eyes to the travel mug in my hand. I know I should’ve thought about this before suggesting it, but I was a little caught up in the moment.

“I don’t want to do anything until you’re sure, Theo,” Ben says gently. “I’m patient, alright? No pressure from me.”

I nod and take a sip of coffee, then stay silent the rest of the drive, considering what the consequences would be of introducing Ben to my family as my boyfriend. Molly already suspects there’s something there. She all but said it at the soccer game, and she’s also teased me over text a few times the last couple of weeks. My mom would probably be confused, mostly that I’ve moved on from Ros so quickly, but she would be alright eventually. My dad though…he’s traditional, and his reactions can be unpredictable. I’m honestly not sure if he would be more upset about Ben’s history with the priesthood, or about the fact that he’s a man. It could go either way. He isn’t the type to get loud or over-the-top angry, but his jaw twitches like he’s a snake about to open his mouth and swallow you whole.

Molly got pregnant with Tabitha when she was nineteen, after she and Gabe had only been dating for a few months. Gabe hadn’t even met our parents yet, and I remember Dad’s reaction. He was calm, but he point-blank refused to let them get married in our family church. Molly insisted she didn’t mind, but it upset Gabe enough that he went and had a man-to-man talk with my dad, which is the ballsiest thing I’ve ever seen anyone do. Dad softened toward Gabe a lot after that, especially when Tabby was born and we all saw what an amazing father and husband he was. I know exactly what Gabe would advise me to do if he was here.

“I don’t want you to feel I’m trying to hide this…hide you,” I tell him, reaching over to take his hand. “You deserve so much more than that, so if you’re ok with it…I want to tell them the truth. This week, in person. If it goes badly, well…then they lose me too, and that’s on them. Anyway, they’d be very lucky to have you around. I know I am.”

Ben glances over at me, his eyes shining. “Maybe…we don’t tell them the whole truth,” he laughs.

“Oh, yeah, definitely not,” I reply with a grin. He doesn’t let go of my hand the entire rest of the drive, and I feel like maybe I’m finally starting to get things right. I just want to show him that he means more to me than anyone’s judgement or bad opinion. As much as I want to shield him from experiencing more rejection, I know that whatever happens, we’ll get through it together.

The animal shelter is just outside town in a more rural, wooded area, and as we’re coming around the last bend in the road, Annie grabs the back of the seat and leans forward.

“Something is wrong,” she murmurs.

I glance back at her. “Wrong? Wrong how?”

“I smell smoke.”

40

Annie

Theo sits up straight and grabs his keys, which he needs to open the big automatic gate at the front of the shelter parking lot. The entire property is surrounded by a tall chain link fence to prevent dogs from running away if they get loose, and when we pull up to the gate, my chest clenches.

Black smoke is pouring from the very back of the building.

Theo lets out a string of curses under his breath, then opens the glove box and pulls out an old t-shirt Ben uses as a cleaning rag, while Ben rolls down his window and uses the keys to trigger the gate. Before he can drive the car through, however, Theo unbuckles and gets out, grabbing his keys from Ben and running across the parking lot.

“Theo, wait! Don’t go in there!” Ben yells. He stops the car just inside the gate, then jumps out too. I am right behind him, heart pounding in my ears. All those animals. My friends. I cannot let them get hurt.

“Call 911!” Theo yells over his shoulder. “I’ve got to get the kennels open and grab the cats!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Ben groans, pulling his phone from his pocket. I run past him and catch up with Theo just as he reaches the front door, fumbling for the key.

“Theo, you cannot go inside, it is too dangerous! Let me go alone!”

He yanks the door open and looks back at me. “I’m going. You can either come in and help me, or stay here with Ben, but I’m going.” For a moment, I consider binding him with my shadows and forcing him to remain outside, but I may need all my strength just to keep the fire and smoke away from the animals. Theo must be the one to open the cages and get them out.

I call out a swirl of black shadows, forming them into the massive wings that unfurl from my back. When the horns and tail appear too, I realize how emotional I am. I do not have full command over my powers, but I cannot let it show, so I give Theo a firm nod. He pulls the t-shirt from his back pocket, dunks it in a rain barrel beside the front door, then ties it over his mouth and nose.

“I will go first,” I tell him. “Stay close to me.”

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Ben cries. I enter the lobby, hands held in front of me and wings tucked, but Theo turns back for a moment.

“Stay out here,” he shouts. “There’s an emergency lever on the gate that will hold it open for the fire truck. I’m gonna start letting the dogs out, so try to keep them contained.”

“Theo, please, it’s not safe!” Ben’s voice is raw and harsh—begging, pleading, terrified.

The only reply Theo can give is, “I love you, Ben.”

Hearing this causes my shadows to falter, but I pull them back out and focus. The smoke is not as thick in the office area, but it appears to be coming from the utility room in the back, close to where the cats are housed. On Theo’s first day of work, Aileen told him that some newer shelters have an emergency button that will open all the kennels at once, but she also said that this building is so old–and the shelter program itself is so under-funded–they have never been able to install one here. Theo will have to open each kennel manually on the way back to the cat room. I can only hope the dogs will have enough sense to run outside, where Ben is waiting. I walk ahead of Theo, moving my hands in a series of sinuous, twisting motions that create a small air pocket around us.

“Can you push the smoke up and away from the kennels?” Theo asks as we come into the long room lined with chain link gates. The dogs are going berserk, barking and howling and yelping, throwing themselves against the gates. I do my best to force the smoke away from the animals, but more and more of it pours into the room by the minute. The dogs’ terror and confusion seeps into me, making control over my powers even more difficult. I only want them to be safe. I only want Theo to be safe. I cannot be the reason even a single one does not make it out alive, so I redouble my efforts.

“Alright, guys, it’s ok,” Theo reassures the dogs as he moves from side to side, jerking the latches up and swinging the doors open. Some of them are too afraid to leave their kennels, and Theo must go in to grab them, then put them down in the corridor and hope they run in the right direction. There are thirty-three dogs in the building, if I remember correctly, and I try to keep track as we move, but the sound of Theo’s labored breathing and coughing jar my focus. I must get him out of here quickly.

“That’s the last one!” he finally calls, as a big husky-mix named Bear tears out of his kennel and races toward the front door. “Now the cats. I’m going to need your help on this one, because some of them can’t walk on their own.”

“I must use my hands to direct the magic!” I reply, tears stinging my eyes. I do not know if they are from the smoke, or from my own fear. Theo’s face fills with worry. I cannot allow him to see my weakness. If I can only figure out where the fire is coming from, perhaps I can quell it before it becomes worse. But as I reach out with my powers, listening for the call of the flames, I only feel a tiny whisper.

My powers have faded. My human emotions, my love for Theo and Ben, my attachment to this world–it has dulled my magic to the point where I cannot even protect the very people I care about. I go deeper, pulling out more shadow, more darkness, but not delving so deep that I awaken Annoth. Theo goes to the door leading to the cat room and puts the back of his hand up to it. He seems to think it is safe, because he wrenches it open, but more black smoke billows out. I throw myself in front of him, fanning my wings out to push it away, trying to save whatever is left of my power.

Theo holds his breath as we enter and find the cats wailing, scratching, and yowling for help. I stand in the center of the room, pushing smoke away as quickly as it seeps from beneath the utility room door at the back. Theo begins opening the cages of the cats who can get out of the building on their own, but the real problem is the two females with litters of small kittens. He looks around and spots a pile of towels, sheets, and pillowcases on a shelf.

“The dogs are all out!” says a loud voice behind us. I turn to see Ben standing there, a wet rag of some sort tied around his own face, his chest heaving and eyes wild as they fall on the tendrils of shadow enveloping my body. I cannot look at him. I cannot lose both of them to my own failure, so I turn away and focus on the smoke.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Theo asks, grabbing several of the pillowcases.

“There’s thirty-three dogs, right? They’re all outside and relatively contained. The fire trucks are on their way. What now?”

Theo looks like he might cry and tosses Ben a pillowcase. “That cage there! Female cat and five babies!”

Ben rips the cage open and unceremoniously stuffs the angry mother cat into the pillowcase, then gently starts grabbing the kittens and dropping them in too. I feel the pressure behind the utility room door building rapidly. The fire is inside, but I cannot snuff it out. Fear once again grips my body, causing my shadows to flicker and nearly die.

“We must go!” I cry. “It is getting worse!”

Theo is trying to hurry, but Mama Cat, who apparently gave birth to seven kittens last night on her own, is not having it. She spits and hisses at him, leaving several large gashes on his arms before he manages to grab her by the scruff and stick her into a pillowcase by herself.

“Take her and go!” he says, thrusting the yowling animal at Ben. “I’ll get the babies!”

Ben seizes the pillowcase, but shouts, “I’m not leaving you!”

The fire has expanded. It is growing, devouring—building like a stormcloud. I can hardly even hold back the smoke now, but I dive down one last time into my well of magic, calling up my own flame, my own essence, from Hell itself. I will protect them at any cost, even if that cost is my own existence.

“You both need to run!” I scream turning to face them. “Now! Please!”

Theo drops the last newborn kitten into another pillowcase, and his face falls when he looks up at me. I can only imagine how monstrous I appear as I spread my wings and arms, tail whipping and fangs bared. Everything seems to move in slow motion. The wall at my back melts away with the force of the explosion, and I release the mass of dark power I have called up, suspending the rush of flames in mid-air, holding it at bay. My body trembles with the effort, my breaths coming in harsh bursts. I am slipping, faltering, so I tear my eyes away from Theo and turn to face the flames.

“Annie! You have to come with us!”

“Go, please!” I call over my shoulder.

With a ferocious cry, I push the fire back. It licks around the edges of my wings and across my arms, where black veins creep beneath the pale skin. This darkness I called upon to save them will consume me. There will be no escaping it. I have summoned the powers of Hell, and now they will answer in kind. With one final, almighty roar, I force the explosion to go sideways into the rest of the building, instead of straight ahead, then fall to my knees. Smoke swirls around me like a cocoon, and then Ben is there, grabbing my shoulder with one hand while still clutching the pillowcases in the other.

“Annie, we have to go! Please!” he begs, but then I see the shadows. They are different from my own–darker, sharper, more sinister. I am about to pay the price for what I have done. The tendrils reach straight up through the floor, wrapping around my wrists and ankles. I do not have much time. I stand and turn back toward Theo and Ben, tears pouring down my face and sobs choking every word I wish I could say.

“They are taking me back,” I manage to tell them. “I am being recalled. You must go. It is not safe.”

“No!” Ben cries, grabbing my upper arm. A sudden flame erupts around my body, and he is thrown back into Theo, who uses all his own remaining strength to hold onto him. They watch with horrified faces as my human form melts away, blue flames replacing flesh, smoke replacing hair, embers burning away my eyes, until I am nothing but fire in the shape of a winged woman. The hellish shadows continue threading around me like ropes.

“Annie…” My name comes out of Theo’s mouth in a ragged whisper.

“Thank you,” I murmur, moving closer to them and putting a fiery hand out. My fingertips flicker like candles, but I know it will not hurt him, so I place my palm on Theo’s chest, over his heart. “Thank you for showing me what it means to love, and to be loved.”

“No…” Ben pleads. I reach out to caress his neck, then brush away tears, which vanish in puffs of steam. “I’ll bring you back, Annie, I’ll find a way, I swear.”

“You cannot. You must not,” I whisper. “Let me go, Ben, and be happy. I love you. I love you both so much, and I–”

My final words are cut off by a rope of shadow, which curls around my throat and rips me backwards into the wall of flames.

41

Theo

No.

No, no, no.

This can’t be happening. She can’t be gone.

“Annie, no!” screams Ben, stumbling toward the spot where she disappeared. The sound of him calling her name tears me to shreds, and I have to grab his arm to keep him from walking straight into the fire. I’ve been holding my breath, but now the acrid smoke pours into my lungs with a vengeance, snapping me back into the moment.

“Ben, we have to go, now!” I shout, turning and pushing him down the hall, past the open kennel doors. I can hear sirens outside, dogs barking, people shouting, but Ben is almost like dead weight between my arms.

“Anybody in here?” The voice of a firefighter up ahead seems to pull him out of it, and he wipes tears from his eyes. We’re both still clutching pillow cases full of writhing, unhappy cats, and we run the rest of the way to the front door, where a man in full gear is standing.

“We’re the only ones,” I cough.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. No one else, and no more animals.”

A look of anguish crosses Ben’s face.

“Get out to the ambulance!” the firefighter instructs, and we stumble out of the building, only to be engulfed by flashing lights and jumping dogs. Another firefighter offers to take the cats from us, pointing to two animal control trucks and half a dozen workers nearby who are trying to contain the chaos. Ben and I pass the pillowcases over.

“This one,” I tell the firefighter, “the kittens were just born last night. Please be careful.”

She nods and whisks them away, while we head for the ambulance. They give us oxygen first, and apparently decide that I’m worse off than Ben is, because they cut my shirt open, then strap me to a gurney. I’m almost delirious, but I hear them say something about a nasty burn on my chest. Ben’s voice quickly becomes strained and angry as he argues with the paramedics.

“No, I need to go with him!” he begs.

“Are you family?” one of them asks. I try to say something, but my voice is completely gone, and I have an oxygen mask strapped over my face anyway.

“I’m his husband!” Ben says frantically. “Jesus fucking Christ, just let me ride with him, please!”

They relent and allow him to crouch beside me in the back of the ambulance. He grabs my hand and drops his forehead onto my thigh as we move away and the sirens come on. He’s shaking, and I stroke his hair as he cries softly into the blanket covering my leg.

I want to cry, but I’m just…numb. I still can’t understand what happened. Annie’s gone. Just like that. They took her back, probably because she used her powers to save our lives. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me, even in my semi-coherent state. She’d done plenty of things she probably wasn’t supposed to do, but…I guess saving humans and kittens from a fire was a bridge too far, and they took her from us. Tears sting my eyes. There’s a deep pain in my chest that has nothing to do with the apparent burn wound just over my heart. Right where Annie touched me. It feels like I’ve been torn open, like she was part of me—like she’d put down roots in my body—and they ripped us apart. Now, there’s an emptiness where her warmth used to be. An aching, cavernous, cold space I’ll never be able to fill or heal.

“Don’t mess with it,” says the paramedic, pulling my hand away from where I was unconsciously touching the burn mark. “It’s not the worst burn I’ve ever seen, but it’ll definitely scar. Looks like your husband got a little bit too. You’re lucky you weren’t closer to that explosion.”

I lift the edge of the mask slightly and rasp, “The animals?”

“I think all the dogs were fine. Not sure about the cats, especially the little ones. As stupid as you two are…I have to tell you, that was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen.” A tear slides down her face, and she wipes it away. “I got my dog from that shelter, and he’s my best friend.”

We’re silent the rest of the way to the hospital. The paramedic puts some ointment and a bandage on Ben’s neck, just below his ear, where he has five small burn marks that look almost like fingerprints. He holds onto my hand as they wheel me up to a clean, cool hospital room, where he slumps into a chair and covers his face with his hands, shoulders trembling.

The next few hours are a blur. Doctors, nurses, needles, tests, more oxygen, IVs. Ben’s hoarse and terrified voice telling Molly what happened over the phone. I was ordered not to speak too much, so they brought me a pad of paper and a pen. When he hangs up, I point to the note I’ve written.

He reads it and frowns. “Am I going to call my sister? I guess I probably should, but I’m fine. They gave me some oxygen and said I’ll be alright. You were in there way longer than me, osito.”

I shake my head and write, You need to call your sister.

He sighs. “If I tell Yelena, she’ll force my parents to come down here. I don’t want to deal with that right now. I just want to focus on you.” He pulls his chair over beside my bed and sits down, dropping his face back onto my leg like he did in the ambulance.

“Ben…” I whisper, “talk to me.”

“She saved us,” he mutters, “and they fucking punished her for it. God knows what they’re doing to her right now, Theo. I can’t fucking stand it. I just want her back. I promised her I wouldn’t let this happen, and what did I do? I just fucking stood there.”

I just write a note that says, NOT YOUR FAULT.

It doesn’t seem to help though, because his body starts to shake again as he cries. All I can do is run my fingers along his shoulders until the medicine in the IV sends me into a heavy–thankfully dreamless–sleep.

When I wake up, the first thing I hear is my mom’s voice, so I keep my eyes closed. I can hear Molly and Dad too, and the anxiety flares in my chest. Where’s Ben? Did they make him leave? Did he get into an argument with them? Is he alone? Is he safe?

“No,” Mom is saying, in what Molly and I call her ‘teacher voice’, “I am not giving them an answer until Teddy wakes up. Tell them to go to Hell.”

“Beth.” Dad’s admonishment is gentle, and I can sense that he’s sitting in the chair beside my bed.

“Just wait for Ben to come back,” says Molly. “He can talk to them.”

“I don’t think that boy’s in any fit state to talk to anyone,” Mom replies softly. “He was practically sick worrying about Teddy when we got here. Poor thing.” I feel her hand slip through mine and finally open my eyes.

“Where’s Ben?” I ask, my voice still barely audible. Mom lets out a small gasp and they all crowd around the bed.

“Oh, Teddy, how do you feel?” she asks.

“Like I got hit by a truck,” I tell them, and Molly laughs a little. “Where’s Ben?”

Mom and Dad exchange a look, but Molly answers.

“He was getting really restless, so Tabby took him out on the lawn to kick her ball around a little. I have his number now, and I told him I’d call as soon as you woke up.” She raises one eyebrow at me, then flicks her eyes over to Mom and Dad. It’s a signal that I take to mean ‘tell them the truth now, before it becomes painfully obvious when he gets back’. Dad pats my lower leg and gives me a tense smile.

“Proud of you, Teddy,” he says gruffly.

“John!” Mom exclaims. “He almost died!”

Dad just chuckles. “That’s why I’m proud of him, Beth. He put his life on the line to help animals who couldn’t help themselves. That’s the kind of man we raised him to be, right?”

Mom just grumbles and pushes some hair out of my face.

“I have to tell you guys something,” I say, trying to keep the lump in my throat from overwhelming my already shaky voice.

“We’re here, sweetie,” says Mom, taking my hand. I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment, picturing Ben’s face, his smile, the way he looks at me. He’s worth it. We’re worth it. No matter what happens.

“Ben isn’t my roommate,” I tell them, and Mom frowns, “I mean, not anymore. He was, that’s how we met, but now he’s…we’re…we’re together. We’ve been together for…a while, and I love him.”

Mom has a tiny, momentary breakdown and puts her arms around me, but I just watch Dad’s face, which is so impassive that it makes me anxious. His eyes wander up to Molly for a moment, and she gives him a look that could kill. He’s quiet as he glances over at the window, then at Mom. Finally, he sighs and reaches out to give me another gentle pat, this time on the hand.

“Proud of you,” he says again.

The tears flood back and I let out the breath I was holding. “You…you’re not upset?”

“Oh, honey, of course not!” Mom cries, holding my face between her hands. “You really think we’d disown you for being gay after your sister got pregnant out of wedlock at nineteen?”

“Hey!” Molly laughs, and Mom grins at her. I try to laugh too, but it just turns into a cough, and Mom passes me a cup of water from the bedside table. I take a drink, then allow myself a small chuckle as Molly hugs me too.

“I fucking knew it,” she whispers in my ear.

“Oh, and I’m, uh…I’m not actually gay,” I tell Mom. “I’m…bi. Bisexual. Just so you know.”

“What’s that mean?” Dad asks. Tabby suddenly appears at his elbow, holding her soccer ball and grinning.

“It means he likes boys and girls, Papa,” she chimes in. “Don’t you ever go on the internet?”

“Hell no,” Dad grunts. Ben comes into the room, and I want to slap my family when they all turn to look at him. He stops and glances around, then walks up to the bed slowly.

“How’re you feeling, osi– I mean…uhh…Theo…” His cheeks redden, but I just reach out and grab his hand.

“I told them. It’s ok,” I murmur. A crease appears between his eyebrows, and he seems anxious, but I squeeze his fingers and give Molly a pointed look.

“Mom, Dad, why don’t you go with Tabby and get some food downstairs?” she says, motioning toward the door. Tabby takes the hint too and starts talking about how hungry she is as she comes to give me a hug.

“Oh, my friend Becca made this for you,” she says, slipping a colorful bracelet off her wrist and putting it on mine. The beads all have little cats and dogs on them, framing the word HERO. “Ben has a matching one.” He smiles and holds his wrist up, then Tabby kisses me on the cheek and bounces out of the room with my parents in tow. When they’re gone, Molly lets out a loud sigh.

“You are so fucking dramatic, you know that?” she chides, sinking into the chair beside me. “You pull some stunt like that and then immediately come out to our Catholic parents when you wake up?”

“You wanted me to tell them!” I cough.

“They were gonna find out sooner or later!” she insists. “Anyway, I hope the two of you are ready for a circus.”

“Why?” Ben asks with a frown. “What circus?”

Molly pulls her phone out and swipes a few times, then shows us half a dozen news articles about the shelter fire and the two ‘local heroes’ who saved every single cat and dog inside.

“All of them made it?” I ask, the lump reappearing suddenly in my throat. “Even the kittens?”

“The news stations are having an absolute field day with it. They’ve been calling the hospital constantly asking when they can come and do an interview, so you might want to figure out how you’re gonna play this if you aren’t ready for everyone else to know.” She motions at our clasped hands. “They also said that, even though the fire started right next to the cat room, there was something keeping the smoke away from them, and something that prevented the explosion from hitting the room. A couple stations called it a miracle, and Mom really latched onto that, especially since…”

She touches my shoulder, where the burn mark is.

“Since what?” I ask. Gently, Ben reaches down and peels back the bandage they’ve laid over top of the wound. It’s shaped like a handprint. Five fingers, and a palm, right over my heart. I look up at Ben and see tears gathering in his eyes.

“Mom thinks it was an angel,” Molly says softly.

“Maybe it was,” I murmur. Ben squeezes my hand hard, and Molly glances between us.

“I’ll let you get some rest,” she says suddenly, standing up. I swear I see her wipe tears from her own face too before she grabs her purse and leaves the room.

“Are you ok?” I ask Ben. “I’m sorry I told them about us without you here, it just…it seemed easier.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “They took it alright?”

“Well, Dad is afraid of Molly,” I laugh. “Her word is law.”

Ben laughs too, then glances at the door and leans in to kiss me. I melt in his arms, pulling him closer, hoping I never have to let go.

“How do you want to play this?” He pulls away just enough to speak, but keeps one arm around my back and leans his forehead against mine. “I mean…we don’t have to do an interview. We could just say no. Or we can tell them we’re roommates.”

“What would make you comfortable?” I ask him.

He smiles against my lips. “I’m already a local scandal anyway. You’re the hero of the hour, Theo. You went in there to save those animals. I just went in to save you. So, you get to decide how we deal with this. I’ll follow your lead.”

I close my eyes and breathe him in. He stinks, honestly. Smoke and sweat and that weird, too-clean hospital smell, plus whatever ointment they put on his burns. But he’s still Ben. My Ben. The love of my life. I can’t push him into the shadows just because I’m afraid. He deserves more of me than that.

“That interview you did,” I say softly, “at Found Family—when you came out. They asked what people could do to support the kids there, and you said that just being visible and being proud was enough. You said it’s important for the kids to see queer adults being themselves and being happy, so…that’s what I want to do. I want those kids to see you on the news and see that you’re happy now, and that coming out didn’t ruin your life. And…I want everyone to know how much I love you.”

Ben’s warm eyes widen for a second, then his forehead crinkles and he kisses me again. The way he does it makes it feel like it’s the first time, and I suppose, in a way, it is.

Over the next few days, we don’t talk about Annie.

I’m not sure how to, and I don’t think Ben even wants to. Her absence hangs in the air between us like smoke. We can’t change it, and I think if we talk about it, we both might break down. Instead, we talk to the doctors, and we talk to the news stations, and we even talk to Ben’s parents when they show up with his sister, Yelena.

It’s pretty clear that she coerced them into coming, that they would rather have spoken to Ben in private, but Yelena is a force of nature. She might be even scarier than Molly, and she jumpstarts the conversation by introducing me as Ben’s boyfriend. He explains our relationship to his parents, explains what happened at the shelter, and tells them how happy he is, not letting go of my hand once the entire time. They reply to him in Spanish, and I can’t tell if they’re angry or not because their voices are so calm and controlled.

All I can do is watch and take in how much Ben resembles them. His mom, Veronica, looks like a movie star—wearing a designer dress and heels, her sleek, black hair pulled into a tight bun, fiddling with the gold crucifix around her neck. Mauricio, his dad, looks like what I would call ‘old money’, with a three-piece suit, an impressive mustache, and distinguished streaks of silver through his dark curls. Ben has their features—the hair, the arched nose, the dark eyes—but he’s wearing beat up jeans and a worn out Nirvana shirt that Mak brought from the apartment when she went to go check on Rex. He hasn’t left my side for days, and I’m grateful, so when his parents lay into him, I grip his hand tighter.

They argue for a while, and Yelena jumps in every so often, helping Ben hold his ground. I’m not sure exactly what his parents are upset about, but I think it has more to do with Ben being laicized than with me, or our relationship. Mauricio, at least, seems to be a bit softer than Veronica. I can see that they love him, and they’re thankful he’s safe, but they just don’t know how to deal with the whole situation. Finally, the tension breaks ever so slightly.

Ben’s signature dimpled grin makes a brief appearance when he says, “If it makes you feel any better, Dad, he’s Catholic.”

Mauricio’s eyebrows disappear into his hair, but he laughs and pats his wife gently on the back.

“Ay, alright, Ben,” he relents, then shakes my hand and formally introduces himself. Veronica hangs back slightly, but after a few dirty looks from Yelena, she does the same.

“Thank you for saving my son,” she murmurs.

“He actually saved me, ma’am,” I reply. Before things can become truly awkward, Yelena shoos her parents out of the room and folds her arms.

“Thanks, Yelly,” says Ben, and she rolls her eyes at the nickname. “I know that wasn’t easy for you.”

“Well, they owe it to you to quit their self-righteous bullshit,” she snaps. “Now, I can’t stick around. I’ve got to get them home on the plane and then be back in Houston by tonight. Also, Santino told me to tell you that he’s glad you’re alright, but that you need to stop making all these big scenes or you’ll upstage him.”

Ben laughs loudly. “Tell him I’m–”

Yelena holds her hand up, flashing the nickel-sized diamond weighing down her left ring finger. “He also wants to help rebuild the animal shelter,” she says quickly.

My heart leaps into my throat. Aileen and Mak came to see us and said that all the animals had either been placed in foster homes or sent to other shelters in nearby counties, but they’re upset because our shelter was the only one in the area with a strict no-kill policy. If it could be rebuilt, and quickly, it would be a dream come true.

“What do you mean, he wants to help?” Ben asks, sounding a little wary.

“Well, you know he does stuff like this back home all the time,” Yelena says dismissively. “It’s no big deal. He’s always working with street dog charities and things like that. Anyway, he wants to hold a little fundraising gala, in L.A., to rebuild your shelter with all the modern safety features and whatnot. Obviously, you two would be the guests of honor. What do you think?”

I’m stunned. Yelena’s husband, Santino Ramirez, is a huge movie star who’s even being eyed as the next James Bond. For him to support us…I can’t even imagine what we might be able to do.

“Yes,” I croak, and Ben looks at me in surprise.

“Really, osito? You want to do that?”

“Of course. Aileen said the shelter’s insurance money will barely even cover the clean-up costs. Raising enough to rebuild will take awhile, and it’ll be difficult. Grants take time and work, and big donations don’t just…appear out of thin air.”

“They do when my husband is involved,” Yelena says with a wink. She collects her purse, tapping away on her phone as she does. “I’ll tell Santino to go ahead with it, and his people will be in touch with you and the shelter director. Sound good?”

Ben still appears stunned, but I smile at Yelena and tell her, “Thank you.” I hope she understands that I’m not just expressing my gratitude for the charitable support. She comes around the bed, all business, and kisses Ben on both cheeks, then leans down to kiss me on the cheek as well.

“Be good, Benny,” she says, putting on her sunglasses and glaring at him over the rims.

“I’ll try,” Ben laughs. She exits the hospital room, looking like she owns the place in her power suit and heels.

“God, if she and Molly could spend just five minutes in the same room together someday…” I tell Ben.

“I don’t think any of us would survive.” He laughs weakly, then flops onto the hospital bed beside me. I scoot over to make room for him, then move down so we’re side by side, holding hands. After a few minutes of silence, Ben takes a shaky breath.

“She should be here,” he whispers. “She should fucking be here for all of this. I miss her so goddamn much, Theo.”

I pull his hand up and kiss the back of it, then lean my cheek against his trembling fingers.

“I know,” I tell him quietly. “I do too.”

42

Theo

Four Months Later

The gala is spectacular. I actually have a hard time believing it’s all real–that I’m at a party in L.A. with movie stars and singers and models. It’s an absolute fever dream, laced with expensive champagne and gold velvet couches and designer gowns that probably cost more than I’ll make in a year at my new job with the city.

The best part of it all is Ben though. The way he pulls off a tux and champagne flute is truly incredible. If I didn’t know any better, I’d definitely assume he was one of the people who paid upwards of $5,000 per ticket to be here, and he’s having the time of his life, chatting up celebrities with absolutely no fear. He deserves this too, after spending the last few months beating himself up about Annie. If it weren’t for the job Molly found him, coaching youth soccer on weekends and teaching senior exercise classes three days a week, I don’t know what would’ve happened. He took everything so hard, I was worried about keeping him above water. Of course, it was all too easy for me to take care of him the way he took care of me when I was at my lowest–when we were complete strangers. I can truly never repay him for that, but damn, I love trying. I love him more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. Now, I just hope I’m enough to keep him on his feet, as much as we both miss her.

I empty my champagne glass and search the crowd for my friends. Aileen couldn’t stomach the thought of attending a party like this, so she sent Mak and Jaime to help me represent the shelter. They were each allowed a plus one, so Skyla is here, doggedly assisting Zayd in his ongoing quest for a rich, West Coast ‘Zaddy’, whatever that means. I’m in a tux too, which is disgustingly out of my comfort zone, but I just keep telling myself that it’s for a good cause. Every hour since the party started, Santino or Yelena have found us in the crowd to let us know how much money has been raised so far. It’s a mind-boggling amount, and I can’t even bring myself to tell Aileen yet, because I think she might have a heart attack.

“Your glass is looking a little neglected there, osito,” says a husky voice in my ear. I twist my head to find Ben snaking one arm around my waist, clutching his own champagne flute, while reaching around my other side to give me a refill. Once my glass is sparkling again, I turn to face him.

“I didn’t think they were handing out entire bottles,” I laugh. He plants a sweet, bubbly kiss on my lips, then pulls his sleeve back to show off the HERO bracelet that Tabby’s friend made us.

“This is my exclusive, VIP wristband,” he says. “It gets me anything I want.” His mouth moves to my neck, and my face burns. We’re standing off to the side of the room, and no one is watching, but Ben’s taste for PDA still makes me a little queasy. Even in a place where at least half the crowd is probably some flavor of not-straight, I have to fight my instinct to pull away.

“I think being the guest of honor is what’s getting you anything you want tonight,” I tell him, taking a large gulp of champagne so I can get on his level. “That, and how fucking good you look. You should wear a tux more often.”

He leans in and brushes his fingers over my neck. “If you wanna see me in a tux again, you’re gonna have to marry me.”

“That’s a hell of a way to propose,” I say with a smirk. A hungry smile spreads across his face, and he clunks the empty champagne bottle down on a nearby table.

“Take me upstairs and I’ll even get down on one knee,” he whispers, wrapping a hand around the back of my neck and pulling me against his body. “Or both knees. Hands and knees. Anything you want.”

“You promised your sister we’d stay until at least one o’clock,” I remind him. “It’s not even midnight yet.”

“Fuck that,” he breathes between my lips. “I need you so goddamn bad, Theo. Come on.” He reaches for my hand, and I’m definitely going to let him take me up to our hotel room, but then we see Yelena fighting through the crowd and making a beeline for us. She looks a little stressed, so I take another gulp of champagne.

“Ben! Hey!” she calls, and he lets out a quiet groan.

“You’re like a fucking shark, you know that? You can smell an opportunity to cock block a mile away.”

Yelena just rolls her eyes. “Oh, my apologies, just trying to play party planner and hostess and private fucking security. I need you to come to the front door for a minute and deal with a…situation.”

“What situation?” Ben grumbles.

“This situation,” Yelena says, holding up what looks like a driver’s license. “This crazy girl is at the door, insisting that she knows the two of you. She’s not on the list, so obviously, she’s not getting in, but she’s got this awful fake ID that has both your names on it. I just need you to–”

“Where did you get this?” Ben asks, his voice choked as he snatches the card from Yelena. She looks offended and confused, but my heart strains against my chest as I look over his shoulder.

It looks just like the fake ID he made for Annie so she could drink with us, except that this one seems legit, and the picture is slightly different. But it has the name she loved so much, Annika Keating de la Cruz, and the birthday I gave her—May 4th, because it’s Star Wars Day.

Ben looks up at his sister and repeats, “Where the fuck did you get this?”

“I told you, stupid! There’s a weird stalker girl at the front door, and that was the ID she gave me! She’s legitimately insane though, cursing and trying to fight the security guys.”

“Is that her? Does she look like the girl in this photo?” Ben asks, already moving toward the stairs that lead to the hotel’s front entrance.

“Yes,” Yelena answers. “Do you actually know her?”

Ben looks at me, his eyes wild and full of hope. I want to pull him back, tell him that there’s absolutely no way it’s really her, but I’m right there beside him as we push our way through the crowd.

“We’ll take care of it, Yelly!” he calls over his shoulder. She just shrugs and moves away. Ben’s squeezing my hand so tight I think he might break my fingers, and neither of us speaks until we’re on the stairs.

“It can’t be her,” I mutter. “Ben…”

“It has to be,” he snaps. “It has to be, Theo! She had the ID on her when we went into the shelter that morning! And look at this photo.” He shoves it into my hands and continues walking. I keep pace beside him, but I don’t look at it. I can’t, because if it’s not her, it’ll just tear me apart all over again. Instead, I put it in my pocket and rub the hand-shaped scar above my heart.

Please, I pray silently, let it be her. For his sake, if not for mine.

At the top of the stairs, we race down a long hallway and then practically fly up another set of stairs into the hotel lobby. There’s a checkpoint set up to one side of the front desk, and five big guys in contract security uniforms are standing in front of the metal detector. They’re clearly all talking to the same person, but I can’t see who it is until Ben yells.

“Annie?!”

The wall of security guards parts…and there she is.

It’s her. It’s really her, looking tiny beside the guards, but fierce and intimidating as hell in a long, tight-fitted gold dress with a slit that goes halfway up her thigh. Her hair is swept into an elegant knot and her eyes glitter with smoky makeup, as if she actually received an invitation to this party.

“Oh, God…Annie…” I breathe, and suddenly we’re both running. Her face splits into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, but one of the guards puts an arm out when she tries to get to us.

“Let her through!” Ben shouts. They all stand aside, looking confused as she pushes past them, clutching a pair of high heels in her hand. When we all collide, she launches herself into Ben’s arms and he swings her in a circle until she comes to rest between us. I lean against her, wrapping an arm around her waist and burying my face into her neck. Ben cradles the back of her head in his hand and pulls her into his chest as she starts to cry.

“My boys,” she sobs, reaching back to hold my arm. “Oh my God, you’re here. You’re real.”

“Fuck, Annie. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Ben is crying too, and I’m definitely about to start, so I raise my head and spot a coat room back down the hall a little way. Without a word, I pull her by the wrist and Ben follows, not giving a shit if anyone sees us go in. I shut the door and lock it, my entire body shaking. When I turn around, Ben already has her in his arms, his fingers laced through her hair again, their lips meeting in a tearful kiss.

I move up behind her, and she grabs my hand, wrapping my arm around her again and leaning back into me. My face drops onto her bare shoulder and I hold her as tightly as I can, praying it’s not a dream. She smells almost the same, just a little less smoke and brimstone, and her skin is warm and soft, but not like it used to be. It feels human. She feels human, and she looks human too. The proportions of her body aren’t as extreme. She’s softer, a little shorter, a little curvier, but it’s definitely her.

She came back to us.

“I missed you so fucking much,” she cries, pulling away and holding Ben’s face in her hands. His cheeks are wet with tears, but he’s beaming.

“God, I missed you too, mi amor.”

“Theo,” she murmurs, turning her body so we’re face-to-face.

“Safe?” I ask, holding her beautiful face in my hands. She nods, so I kiss her and lift her off her feet, holding her against me as if I could put our bodies back together, hear her voice in my head again, feel the warmth of her Hellfire in my veins. When I set her back down, Ben moves behind her, and we all just stand there for a minute, breathing and hoping we aren’t about to wake up.

Naturally, I’m the first one to ask the question, “How are you here, sweetheart?” Annie wriggles out from between us, but takes both of our hands and smiles. Her eyes are still dark, almost black, but there’s a hint of warmth to them that wasn’t there before, like a golden light behind a black velvet curtain.

“I was…given another chance,” she says softly.

“By…by your masters?” I ask, swallowing hard.

She smiles and shakes her head, “No, the other guys.” Her eyes flick upwards, she giggles, then continues to explain, “When they recalled me, it was because I used my power to save your lives, but I guess someone upstairs also saw what I did. It took some time and some…negotiating, apparently, but they pulled me out.”

“Pulled you out of what, exactly?” I ask.

Annie just closes her eyes and shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter now. As a reward for my ‘selfless act’, they offered me anything I wanted.”

“And you picked…a sparkly dress?” Ben laughs, pulling her against him and running a hand over the garment, which resembles battle armor.

“I picked you,” she says, looking up at him adoringly, then over at me. “That’s all I wanted. A human body, a human soul, and a human life…with the two of you.”

“Oh, Annie…” I murmur, putting my arms around her and allowing the lump in my throat to swell.

I can’t believe she’s real, can’t believe she’s here, can’t believe that we might actually have a chance at this. I turn my face toward the ceiling and send up a silent prayer of thanks, then look at Ben. His eyes are squeezed shut, tears dripping down his cheeks, but his mouth is also moving, and I think he might be praying too.

“So, you’re ours?” he asks, voice raspy with joy and disbelief. “They just…dropped you down here? Poof?”

“Poof,” she laughs, “just like that. I told them to give me a real ID card though. Did you happen to get it back from that angry woman in the black dress?” I pull the ID out and show it to her as Ben roars with laughter.

“That angry woman was my sister,” he says, and Annie grimaces.

“Oh, no! I should probably apologize! I may have called her something a bit nasty.” She covers her mouth with her fingertips, but Ben pulls them away and kisses her again, pressing her up against the wall.

“You can apologize later,” he whispers, “right now, I fucking need you, Annie. We need you.”

She lets out a small noise almost like a squeak, and her eyes shine as she pulls me closer, then wraps her hand around the back of my neck.

“No more demon,” she murmurs. “No more exorcists, or shadows, or magic. Nothing keeping me from you, Theo.”

Playfully, I reach around her back and run a hand over her ass, which looks like it probably had to be sewn into her dress with how tight it is.

“No tail?” I ask, and she giggles, then bites her bottom lip.

“Not anymore, my love, I’m sorry. I know you liked that.” She flicks her eyes up to Ben, who looks like he’s about to pass out.

“Get. That fucking dress. Off. Now,” he growls, closing his teeth around the soft skin beneath her ear. She lets out a gasp that goes straight through my body, and her eyes flutter closed.

“Ben,” I grunt, grabbing his arm. “As much as I’d love to watch you fuck her right here on the floor in this coat room, we have a whole suite upstairs with a shower, and a king-sized bed, and a fridge full of champagne. We can take our time with her.”

Ben doesn’t hesitate. He lifts her onto his shoulder, just like he did the day he tied her hands with the rosary, and she lets out a breathless giggle as I open the door and glance down the hall toward the elevators. Completely empty.

We walk quickly, and I slam the call button, then turn toward Annie, who’s still slung over Ben’s shoulder. She grabs me by the lapel of my jacket and pulls me in for a kiss. Once we’re inside the elevator, Ben sets her down and pushes her back so she’s leaning against my chest. I put my arms around her and run my teeth across the top of her exposed shoulder, taking in the generous cleavage I can see down the front of her dress.

Our suite is on the top floor of the hotel, and I have to remind Ben that there’s probably security cameras in the elevator to keep him from eating her out before we even get there. He’s practically panting by the time we reach our floor, and I can see how hard he is as we walk down the hall with Annie between us.

Not that I’m any better. My whole body is on fucking fire. I need both of them in a way that feels dangerous, unhinged, borderline maddening. I need to tear that dress off and get my hands and tongue on every inch of her, taste her in the back of my throat just to make sure she’s real. When we’re almost at our room, a tiny, irritating voice of reason breaks into the back of my mind.

“Annie,” I say quietly, “if you’re human now, do we need to be worried about…birth control? Or anything like that?”

“You better tell us now before I get this door open,” Ben grunts, whipping the key card out of his pocket, “because as soon as it closes…”

“They let me design this body myself,” Annie says with a knowing smile. “I got to choose which…parts I wanted, and which I didn’t. You won’t ever have to worry about that, Theo. I promise.”

The timing of her answer is impeccable, because Ben wrenches the door open and grabs her around the waist, making her gasp as he hauls her inside. He lifts her with both arms and carries her straight to the wall that separates the living area from the bedroom, where there’s a long, thin table meant to be a charging station for phones. She drops her shoes as he practically slams her against the wall and kisses her like a starved man. He pulls her hair roughly out of its knot and it cascades over her bare shoulders while he runs his hands over her body, then tries to slip them under her gown. He lets out a noise of frustration and takes a step back after a moment though, keeping her pinned and sitting on the narrow table.

“Could you have picked a tighter goddamn dress?” He fumbles with his belt and zipper until I see him gripping his cock, which is so hard it makes my mouth water. I remain standing across the room, waiting to see exactly what he’ll do with her. Watching them together does something to me that I can’t explain.

“I don’t give a fuck about the dress, Ben,” Annie moans, arching her back. “I need you inside me. Now.”

He doesn’t hesitate, just reaches down and holds the fabric at the top of the slit, then rips it violently outward, all the way up to her stomach, exposing her hips, her thighs, and what’s between them.

Of course, she’s not wearing any goddamn panties, and she pushes the shreds of the ruined dress aside, then spreads her legs and lifts them up, sending Ben into some kind of frenzy. Without removing any of his own clothing first, he places the head of his cock against her center and plunges into her with a loud groan. Annie gasps and grabs his shoulders as he braces one arm on the wall beside her head.

“Goddamnit, Annie,” he moans, pulling almost all the way back out and slamming into her again, making her cry out his name. “Fuck, I missed this.”

“What did you miss, Ben? Tell me,” she croons, taking his face and pulling it down so their eyes are level. She holds his gaze as he thrusts again, and they both whimper, making my own erection twitch and strain against my pants.

I move toward them, not looking away–just savoring the sight of their bodies writhing against each other, desperate for every inch of contact. In the kitchenette area, I slide my tuxedo jacket off and drop it onto the table, then undo the tie from around my neck. Ben threads his hand through her hair and jerks her head back a little as he answers the question.

“This perfect body. These delicious lips.” He kisses her, then punctuates every sentence with another thrust, slamming her back against the wall and making her toes curl. “These tits that I’m fucking dying to get my mouth on. This beautiful ass. And this tight, soaking wet cunt, that I’m not gonna stop fucking until you beg me to.”

Annie lets out a laughing moan, and her eyes snap onto me just as I open the fridge and take out a bottle of champagne.

“Come here,” she orders. I obey as if she has me on a fucking leash. There’s not a single thought in my head right now except how badly I need her, how I’d do anything for her. She reaches out as I approach and pulls me into them, kissing me hard and moaning Ben’s name into my mouth while he continues nailing her to the wall. I pull away and open the champagne bottle with a loud pop, then slip my hand around her throat.

“Open your mouth, sweetheart,” I murmur. She does, tilting her head backwards. Ben’s movements become slower and more controlled for a minute as I lift the bottle and pour the champagne into her mouth. She swallows it down as Ben’s cock slides all the way out and then buries in her pussy again. It’s so distracting, watching him fuck her, that I almost forget about the champagne, and she chokes a little. I move the bottle away, not-so-accidentally spilling some of it down the front of her dress, and pour some down Ben’s throat too, then take a few swallows myself.

“Tell us what you want, Annie,” I whisper, moving in to kiss her again. “Anything.”

“Take his clothes off,” she says. I reach for Ben’s tie, but he shifts his position and grabs the back of my neck, pulling my lips against his for a hot, punishing kiss that ends with his teeth buried in my lip. I gasp when he lets me go, but continue undoing his tie.

I can’t help watching the spot where their bodies come together as I slowly work Ben’s clothes off him. He instructs me to put the tie around Annie’s neck ‘for later’, then I remove his jacket, unceremoniously tossing it aside. Annie undoes the buttons on his shirt from the front, her hungry voice begging him for more, harder, while I stand behind him and pull it over his shoulders. Once the shirt is gone, I reach around and slide his pants and boxers down his legs so he can step out of them.

“Now, stay on your knees,” Annie tells me, and I do, looking up at them, completely at their mercy in every single way. “Ben, let him taste us. I think he’s probably forgotten.”

Ben grins and slides his cock out, leaving her empty and dripping onto the remnants of her gown. Fuck, I want to bury my face between her legs and taste it as she comes on my tongue, but I know I’ll get my chance. I wrap my hand around Ben’s shaft and run my tongue over his head, drinking in the way Annie tastes on his skin. He cups the back of my neck and pushes, forcing my mouth wider until he’s almost all the way at the back of my throat.

“Well?” he says softly, and all I can do is close my eyes and moan in response.

He slides his cock out of my mouth and I just murmur, “I need more.” I’m ready to beg for it if I have to.

“What do you need, mi amor?” Ben asks, turning back to Annie and teasing her pussy with the head of his cock, pushing in slightly, then withdrawing, eliciting a series of desperate little noises from her that almost send me over the edge.

“Both of you,” she gasps. “I need both of you. Together.”

“For once,” Ben says, “I won’t torture you.” Slowly, deliciously, he pushes back inside her, then leans his forehead against hers. The way she whispers his name sinks down into my bones and I know I’ll never be able to pull it out. I’ll never be able to get enough of this. Of them. Of us.

Ben’s hands move down to grip her ass and she wraps her legs around his waist so he can lift her off the table. I pull myself up and follow them into the other room, where Ben turns and sits on the end of the huge, soft bed, positioning Annie so she’s straddling him. She hooks her hand around his neck and starts to move her body, leaning back into me as I stand behind her. Then both her hands reach up and clasp around my neck, using me as support while she rides Ben’s cock. I slide my fingers into the front of her dress, trying to push it down, but it’s so damn tight, I can’t move it.

“Annie…what the fuck is this?” I groan.

“Yeah,” Ben laughs, covering my hands with his and squeezing her breasts. “I need these in my face immediately.” Annie grins and leans forward so I can see the laces going all the way up the back of the dress like a corset.

“This is gonna take some work,” I tell them, and Annie lets out a whine.

“Just pull it up,” she moans as Ben jerks his hips and bites at her neck.

“No,” he says firmly. “Get it off, Theo. I need to taste all of her.”

“Fuck, I kinda miss those shadow clothes right now,” I laugh. “Ben, lie on your back. Annie, be a good girl and bend over for me.”

He does, and Annie leans forward, bracing her hands on his chest and curling her fingers through the hair beneath them. I reach down and gather up the fabric of the dress, then pull it up over her thighs and hips so I can see her on display. Her body is still so fucking perfect I can hardly breathe. Soft and smooth and easy to grab in all the right places. The way her hips bunch up when she bends over, and the way everything bounces and jiggles when Ben thrusts. Addictive. Standing behind her, I have a perfect view too, and I finally remove my pants so I can rest my cock on her ass while I unlace the dress.

“Theo, I need you too,” she moans as Ben seizes her hips and pulls her down onto him again and again.

“We want all of you for this,” I murmur. “Just be patient, sweetheart.”

“You two have had each other this entire time,” she whimpers. “Don’t tell me to be fucking patient, please, Theo!” Ben grabs the tie that’s still loosely draped around her neck, pulling her forward and slamming his hips up at the same time.

“Oh fuck, Ben!” she cries.

“You need more, Annie? I can give you more until he’s done.” He lets go of the tie and slides his fingers around her throat, holding her body up with one hand and her hips in position with the other. His thrusts become harder, relentless, and her cries only get louder, but he keeps a steady pace while I work the laces loose enough to where I can simply rip them away from the dress itself. Once they’re gone, I grab the edges and Ben lets go of her throat just long enough for me to pull it off and toss it aside. Then, both our hands cover her exposed body. Ben has her so close to finishing, I can practically taste it, but I want to feel it from inside her too.

“How do you want me, Annie?” I ask, tugging on her hair so she has to look back at me.

“With Ben,” she gasps, “so you can feel each other too.”

“Fuck yes,” Ben groans, but I hesitate for a moment, even though I desperately want to take her that way.

“It won’t hurt you?” I ask, and she just laughs.

“Sweet Theo, will you please just shut up and fuck me?”

“Give the woman what she wants,” says Ben, his voice a mixture of amusement and agony. I slide my hand down her ass and they both go completely still save for their breathing, which quickens as I run my fingers through the wetness dripping down Ben’s cock.

“Deep breath, Annie,” I tell her as I push the head of my cock into her pussy just a little, hating that I can’t watch that and see her face at the same time. As I slide the rest of my cock in above Ben’s, I grab a handful of her hair and pull back, and fuck, it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen. Her eyes close, her eyebrows knit together, her lips go into that sweet little O, and the noise she makes is like fucking music. I can’t help but let out a loud groan as her muscles clench around me and Ben at the same time, squeezing our cocks together. His eyes roll back in his head, his whole body tensing up, fingers digging deep into her hips.

“Goddamn,” he hisses, “that is…so fucking good. My perfect little Annie and her perfect little cunt, taking both of us at once. How does that feel, mi amor?”

All she can do is moan and whimper in reply.

A dark smile flickers across his face, and he grabs the tie around her neck again, pulling her down into a hard kiss as he slams his hips up, sending waves of heat pulsing through me too as his cock slides against mine inside her.

“Ben! Fuck…” I gasp.

“Come on Theo,” he murmurs. “Make her scream until she loses that pretty voice. She’s gonna be a good girl and hold still for us, right Annie?”

Ben grips her throat with one hand and her ass with the other, while I hold onto her hair and hip, making it so she can barely move, trapped between us. Her body goes almost completely slack at first as we alternate our movements, but the noises she makes are downright obscene. We may or may not get kicked out of the hotel after this.

“Don’t stop,” she begs as she starts to tremble, “don’t fucking stop, please!” A small, sweet scream rips from her throat, cut off when Ben squeezes his fingers and pulls himself up to kiss her. His body twitches, and he comes too, crying out her name as he does. I tighten my grip on her hair and pull her up so her back is against my chest, thrusting hard and fast, reveling in how slick she is now. Seeing Ben’s cum drip out of her and slide down my shaft is what finally does me in. I close my eyes and come harder than I ever have before, gasping and pulling Annie back against me. She grips my arm where it crosses her chest, and I think I’m the only thing keeping her upright now, or she’s the only thing keeping me upright.

Once I’m spent, I carefully pull out and make sure Ben is out too before I collapse sideways onto the bed, still holding Annie tight in my arms, unwilling to let go. Ben rolls and puts his arm around us, but Annie’s face is pressed into my chest now, my fingers tangled in her mess of auburn hair. Her breaths are unsteady, her heart pounds in her chest, and tears coat her cheeks. I gently brush them away.

Ben buries his face in her hair and mutters, “I love you both. So fucking much. So…so fucking much. This is…everything I could ever want…” His voice trails off and he holds onto my arm for a few minutes before drifting into delirium, but I can tell Annie is still awake, so I lift her chin up to look at me.

“How long has it been since you had a shower, sweetheart?” I ask with a grin.

Her face splits into the most joyful smile I’ve ever seen. “Too fucking long.”

I haul myself off the bed and go into the luxurious hotel bathroom. There’s some kind of weird futuristic shower in here with multiple heads built into the ceiling and walls, so I just turn everything on as hot as I can stand it, then go back to the bed and slide my arms around Annie, who’s nestled under Ben’s arm. I can’t tell for sure, but he’s either asleep or in a coma now, so I let him rest and carry her into the shower, which has a wide bench. I sit down and lean back against the wall with her between my legs, arms wrapped around her stomach, her head leaning on my shoulder and our legs twisted up together. When I take one of the fluffy washcloths, soap it up, and run it over her chest, she lets out a long, happy sigh and melts into me.

“I love you, Theo,” she whispers. “I love you forever, come Hell or high water. You can’t get rid of me this time.” She tilts her face back and I see how tired her smile is, so I lean in to give her a soft kiss, pushing some wet strands of hair from her face. She has a few freckles across her nose now, and there’s something so painfully, beautifully human about it.

She earned her humanity, I realize—suffered for it and chose it, even after seeing how messy and sad and painful it can be. Even after seeing how messy people like me and Ben can be, she chose us. Now, we get the privilege of choosing her, and choosing each other, for the rest of our lives. All three of us have been given so many chances to start over, and I’m sure as hell not going to waste mine.

“I love you too, Annika Keating de la Cruz,” I tell her, smiling and emphasizing every word of her name. “Come Hell, or high water, or anything in between.”

Epilogue Annie

Theo and I sit in the shower for a long time, just talking. He tells me all about the plans for the new animal shelter, about how he and Ben were declared ‘local heroes’ and put on the news, about how they each revealed their relationship to their families in the hospital, and about how long it took him to fully recover.

He tells me about the job that Molly helped Ben get, and about his own new job working with Mak in the city’s tourism department. He says he’d love to go back and work at the new shelter once it’s built, but it might be a while until then. I wonder out loud if maybe I could get a job at the shelter, and he promises to make it happen if that’s what I want.

Of course, I ask about Rex. He missed me terribly, Theo says. Apparently, he spent an entire month after I was gone dragging a t-shirt I’d worn around the apartment and sleeping with it. I can’t wait to see him when we get home. There’s a lot of things I can’t wait to do, but right now, my world is perfect.

Ben is draped across Theo’s chest, and I’m tucked between their arms in the giant, soft bed. The door out to the balcony is propped open, and I can hear that the party from downstairs has spilled out onto the sidewalk below. People shouting and laughing, small bursts of music. I almost want to go down and join them, but my only item of clothing is lying on the floor in shreds. Instead, I slip out of Ben and Theo’s arms and search the hotel room for a bathrobe. There’s a thick, plush one in the closet, so I wrap myself up in it and take an open bottle of champagne from the fridge.

Rifling through Ben’s leather jacket, which is hanging on a chair, I find a cigar and a lighter, then go out to the balcony. The smoke feels good in my throat, even if it reminds me of the fire. I try not to remember how terrified I was, how desperately I wanted to protect them, and the looks of despair on their faces that nearly killed me. I especially try to forget the months I spent in the Seventh Tower before being rescued. I blow out a smoke ring and try to send the memories with it, then take a sip of champagne straight from the bottle. None of that matters now. I have Theo and Ben back, I’m where I belong, and nothing is going to–

“Enjoying your debauchery?” says a cool, clear voice from the other side of the balcony, derailing my train of thought. I don’t move, but I do slide my eyes over to the tall, hooded figure standing there in the shadows.

“I hope you’re here as an errand boy and not a divine messenger,” I say calmly, taking another drag from the cigar and blowing a smoke ring in his direction. “I’m going to need something cute to wear.”

The figure takes a few steps forward and drops a large canvas duffle bag beside my chair.

“Your clothing, and the documents you requested,” he says tersely. “But I am also here to ensure that your bargain with the Almighty is not forgotten.”

I still keep my eyes averted, but I can hear the rustle of his wings, tucked tightly against his body, and the whirring of his stupid mechanical heart. Why the Almighty chose this design for their most valued servants, I’ll never understand.

“I’m not sure how you think I could forget something like that, Bird Brain,” I snap, and hear a satisfying grunt of displeasure.

“We have upheld our end of the deal, Hell Bitch,” he seethes.

“Tsk tsk, Michael,” I say, slowly rising from my chair and standing behind it, bottle of champagne clutched in my hand like a weapon. “What would your master say if they heard you using such filthy, deviant language?”

“The Almighty has more important things to worry about than how I use my tongue.”

“I might believe that if I thought you’d ever used your tongue for anything even remotely interesting,” I sneer.

“Be silent!” he barks, holding up a pale, long-fingered hand. I can’t see his face, but I don’t need to. They’re all the same, Archangels–smug, handsome, perfect. Usually blond. Michael is undoubtedly the smuggest, handsomest, and blondest of the whole arrogant bunch.

“You haven’t upheld your end, anyway,” I tell him, “because I have yet to see the book.” He moves toward me like a predator, slow and deliberate, flaring his white, feathered wings out, but I don’t back down. I know the terms of my own bargain. He can’t lay a single one of his perfect fingers on me.

“You really think,” he hisses, “that I am going to bring Saint Peter’s holy ledger down here to this…pit of depravity, just to prove to you that the Almighty keeps their word? I know it might be difficult for a demon, but try to have a little faith, for once in your miserable fucking existence.”

“Can you lie, Michael?” I ask casually, tapping some of the cigar ash onto his boots. My fragile human heart is pounding out of my chest at his proximity, but I can’t show it. They’re like wolves. They can smell a wounded, frightened animal a mile off, and they won’t think twice about spilling blood.

“Why would I tell you that?”

“Just seems like something Archangels shouldn’t be able to do, that’s all, and I want you to look me in the eyes and swear that their names are in the book. Maybe then I’ll work on having a little more faith.”

He reaches up and pulls back the dark hood concealing his face. I was right. Smug, handsome, blond–the Archangel trifecta. His eyes are strange though. Bright and white, almost glowing. Probably from all the sunshine he’s had blown up his ass over the millennia.

“I swear, on my own holy name,” he says in a low voice, “that there are two new names in Saint Peter’s book tonight: Theodore Keating, and Benjamin de la Cruz. They will both receive the rewards of Heaven…regardless of their earthly sins.”

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. “Fine. Now, I have plenty of feather pillows on that bed inside, so if you could clear off, I don’t need or want any of yours lying around.”

A muscle twitches in his jaw, but he steps away, tucking his wings back in.

“Remember, demon: You were given everything you asked for, and now the Almighty can call in your debt at any time. Be ready.”

All I can do is wave my hand dismissively and wait for him to disappear in a tiny, contained flash of light. As if he was just looking to piss me off, a long, shimmering white feather drifts down and lands on the chair in front of me.

“Fuck off, you self-righteous twat,” I mutter, dropping it over the side of the balcony. Once I’ve sucked down a bit more champagne to calm my nerves, I pick up the duffel bag and go back inside, then sit on the edge of the bed. Theo and Ben are still wrapped up in each other’s arms, sweet and wonderful, safe, and all mine…but also blessedly and blissfully unaware of what I had to sacrifice to get back to them.

Tune in for the next episode of Sinful Tails, coming soon to a bookshelf near you!

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Acknowledgements

First: To Tumblr, where I found the meme that inspired this book. You’ve been there for me since 2008 with your absolutely insanity, and I’ve loved every minute. Never change.

Second: To my alpha and beta readers (Alex, Hannah, Christina, Rachael, Skyla, Lunna, and Ray), the Snowballers Anonymous Chat, and (as always) to the unhinged hoes of MoP and A.S.S. Thank you for your blind faith in my first attempts at writing smut. You are all very brave and magical and I love you <3 (especially my beautiful wife, Tayla)

Third: To my family, who I’m sure would probably be very supportive if I had even told them about this book. For obvious reasons, I did not, but I want to thank them for loving me in such a way that I can always be sure of their hypothetical support.

About the Author

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