Out of the Shadows

Tess and Kirk seem a typical married couple with their house in the suburbs, lackluster love life and the proverbial two children. But it is growing harder and harder for Tess to take, because she has known all along that she is a lesbian and only truly sexually attracted to women. Though Tess has fought her attraction to women for years due to her strict religious upbringing, she finally succumbs when she meets the passionate, perceptive Diane. But her husband's anger, her family's dismay, her own self-doubts, are only the first barriers in the way of her love for Diane. Because Diane's refuses to continue their relationship until Tess comes out of the closet and accepts herself for what she is. Reeling and torn between two worlds, Tess must come to terms with herself if she is ever to know true happiness.

CHAPTER ONE

The waves crashed in while the sun shone down. My eyes trapped the magical view, inhaling the ocean air, embracing the warmth from the rays. Seagulls decorated the painted blue sky. I watched the waves disappear into calmness, something I wish I could do.

I attempted to accept all the reality, but felt myself fighting back, wanting to deny what deep down I knew was true.

Moments later I felt his touch, “Honey, are you okay?"

I looked over at my husband of ten years. Was I okay? God, no I wasn't. I was in denial, and in emotional pain. Somehow I managed to release a comforting smile.

Lightly I stroked his face. His eyes sparked with love and concern. “Kirk, I'm fine."

Why was this happening? I did love Kirk, but not the love he deserved. Our sex life was typical, but not pleasing. Maybe to him it was, but not for me. It hadn't been for the past couple of years, the years I was in denial. We, of course, had our problems. All couples do, but this was more.

Kirk looked out at the angry ocean. “Tess, sometimes the ocean reminds me of you."

"How so?"

He turned to me, tears filling his eyes. “Reminds me of how calm you can be, so soft and loving, but then it all comes in, and sometimes I feel I don't know you at all. It seems to swirl all together in a wet confusion."

I attempted to change the subject. I was getting good at it. I leaned in smiling. “A wet confusion?"

He laughed.

I pushed into him, our bodies pressed together. I looked deep into his blue eyes. “Why don't we go inside and clear up your wet confusion?"

He winked.

We walked through the sand. Sadness overwhelmed me.

Once in the bedroom he removed his clothing. I watched while his muscular chest was unveiled. Slowly his shorts fell to his ankles, kicking the minimal material off to the side. His erection saluted me, awaiting my mouth, and most importantly, my pussy.

"Are you going to move a little closer to me?” His eyes looked wantonly at my bikini-clad body.

I nestled between his legs, feeling his wants poking against my warm skin. Tilting his face back I placed my lips upon his neck. I could feel the roughness from his five o'clock shadow. He hadn't shaved. I hated that.

I tried my best to feel aroused, but it wasn't working. He didn't seem to notice, his manhood leading the way.

With one swift move he removed my bikini top, displaying my large tits. Greedily he took each tit into his mouth, enjoying a sample, his mouth exploring and releasing the drizzle before a storm—a dark storm.

I faked a moan. Yes, my rosy nipples were pointing in his direction, but my “need to be explored” pussy hole wanted something else; needed someone else.

My wetness cried out for Diane.

He removed the other half of my bikini, exposing my pussy lips and my dry hole. I could tell he was disappointed. I guess he expected my come to be streaming down my inner thighs, but it wasn't, and wouldn't happen. Well, maybe it would once I envisioned her.

Diane. I could see her deep brown, lost-in-the-woods eyes. I could feel her hands caressing my flesh.

"Baby, what do I have to do to get you wet?"

I looked down. Hell, maybe he would magically turn into Diane! I couldn't say that. Instead I used the same excuse, the one that would quickly catch on with him.

"Sorry, I'm just tired.” Better than saying I had a headache!

"Let me help you out."

Kirk pulled me onto the bed, laying me back against the numerous pillows. He trailed his chin down my belly to my opening, dragging his stubble over my skin. His warm mouth pressed against my clit, gliding down to my hole.

Nothing.

In reality, the only way I was going to become wet was if Diane were doing the deed. So, I imagined she was. Her tongue was inside me, twirling around and lapping it all up. The stubble was replaced by the softness of her face. The deep alto moans easily replaced by her high loving moans of ecstasy. Kirk had been replaced.

I was feeling the moment. My dampness began to glide, my nipples became harder. I ignored what he had to tell me, his love, his desire. Once he placed his long, hard cock inside me, I had robed Diane in suitable attire—laced boots, strap-on, ready to fuck.

Ready to fuck me.

When he pounded my insides, Diane was doing the pounding, his cock sliding in and out of my wetness. Diane's attachment was doing the sliding, the wetness for her.

He came, but it was Diane who had come.

Kirk's panting faded. Gently he pulled out of me, his sweat dripping on my skin. Without a word he turned and fell asleep. We both knew I hadn't come.

His way of ignoring was to turn away. I was trapped. Trapped without Diane.

Once I knew he was sound asleep I took a long shower. I rested my head against the cool wall, touching my swollen clit. I imagined Diane touching. I needed her. I came in a matter of seconds. Quietly I began to cry.

The next morning I climbed out of bed while Kirk was on his usual morning jog. My job was to go downstairs and make breakfast. I sighed. I tossed on some clothes and pulled my black hair back into a ponytail. I missed dressing up and going out.

That had stopped years ago. Kirk's job took up a lot of his time. I'm not blaming the failure of our relationship on his work. It was only a minimal portion. The fact was, I loved him, he loved me, but we weren't in love with each other. At least I wasn't.

I was preparing breakfast when I heard the front door slam open.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

Tyler and Taylor were home. Yes, our children, our four-year-old twins. I turned and their little bodies collided with mine.

Tyler looked up at me, a large smile spread across his face.

"We missed you!"

I laughed. “I missed the both of you. Did you have fun with Nana and Nano?"

Taylor tugged at my shirt. “Nana taught me how to make meatballs!"

"Oh, she did."

Helen and John walked into the kitchen, Kirk's parents.

Helen laughed. “Yes, she is a fine little helper."

John came up and placed a light kiss on my cheek. “I hope you two enjoyed your night off."

I smiled and lied. “Yes, we did. Thanks so much for taking care of them. We really appreciate it."

John leaned in and patted the kids on the head. “It's our pleasure. Tyler, tell your mom about all the fish we caught."

Tyler repeated himself over and over, his eyes wide with excitement. “We caught big ones and then small ones..."

Helen looked over my breakfast cooking. “See you are cooking all that fake food."

I loved Kirk's parents, but they were typical old school Italians. Tofu products were as foreign to them as a bowl of matzo ball soup.

"Yes, it's good for them."

She smirked. “Not very tasty. Kids should have good, hearty food. Makes them grow."

I shook my head. “Well, this makes them grow healthy."

She gave me the typical mother-in-law disapproval look, but I was used to it. God, I felt like I was on an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Please let Kirk get here soon. The door opened.

Taylor ran to their father, screaming about their wonderful day and night. I continued to cook.

"I'm glad you two had a good time.” He hugged them closely then walked over to his parents and received more hugs. “Sorry for being so sweaty."

I watched my family. I should be happy, seeing my children laughing and loving the attention, my husband all smiles... Helen and John enjoying the view of the “perfect family". Diane. There was where my heart was.

I imagined the kids running into the house, her parents inside, bringing the kids back, Diane returning from her morning jog.

"Honey, is something burning?"

I snapped out of my lesbian fantasy and saw my fakin’ bacon turning black. Helen walked back up.

"See, it doesn't even cook right."

Okay, time for them to leave. They did, kissing everyone, then we were alone.

Kirk came up placing a kiss on my cheek. The kids ran up to their rooms, waiting for breakfast, although they had just eaten at the local IHOP.

"I'm going to take a shower. Will breakfast be ready after?"

I tossed the burned portion into the trash. “Yes."

He walked out of the room. I was a typical housewife. My only problem, I was a housewife in love with a woman.

CHAPTER TWO

I cleared the table. The kids had picked at their food, and were now outside playing. Kirk excused himself and was plopped on the couch drinking a beer and watching some sports event.

Tyler had offered to help wash the dishes, but I knew he wanted to play. Not at all like his father. God forbid Kirk wanted to help, but then again, I was only the housewife.

"Honey, can you get me another beer?"

Jerk! I walked into the living room and handed him his precious beer.

"Thanks. Bill and Mark are coming over. Do we have any of that deli meat left?"

I knew what he was going to ask next. He wanted me to make them hoagies. I lied. “No."

He continued to watch his game. “Oh well. I guess we'll just order a couple of pizzas."

I walked back into the kitchen. Quickly I opened the fridge and pulled out the deli meat. I shoved it all in the garbage disposal and down it went. This was the side of Kirk I despised. Yes, he could be caring and loving, but he also had a side to him that was just plain using. I might not have a 9-5 paying job, but I busted my ass like many women did, and was left unappreciated.

Moments later the doorbell rang. I heard Kirk get up to open the door. I guess he had enough strength to do that. Bill and Mark entered the kitchen.

"Hey Tess, how's it going?"

I turned, faking my smile. “Fine Bill, how are you?"

"Great as long as my fucking team wins. I have fifty dollars riding on this game."

"Bill, language. I do have kids."

He chuckled. “Sorry."

"Hi, Tess, damn you look great."

"Thanks, Mark."

Kirk walked in. “Hey, are you flirting with my gorgeous wife?” He wrapped his arms around me. I could smell his beer breath.

"Of course I'm flirting with your wife. Still don't know how the hell you got a hold of her."

Nor did I. They all laughed, I just kept smiling.

"Baby, would you mind ordering two large pizzas?"

My body tensed up. The phone was inches away from his reach. Didn't he feel my tension? Guess not. How damn hard would it be for him to call?

"Sure, the usual?"

"Yep.” He kissed me on the cheek, then the guys went into the living room. Part of me felt like crawling into a corner, crying. The other part felt like screaming. Was I being too selfish?

A couple of hours had passed. The kids were taking their nap. Kirk and his friends had devoured their pizza and were getting drunk. I sat at the kitchen table doing a crossword puzzle.

"Hey, babe.” My husband came in, his eyes bloodshot.

"You're missing a great game."

"Sounds like it."

He grabbed more beer. “Do you think maybe later we could...” One of his hands tickled the back of my neck.

I knew what he wanted, but it wasn't going to happen.

I looked up at him. He was smiling. “You're missing your game."

His smile faded. “Whatever.” He walked off.

I didn't want to make love to him when he was sober, what would make me want to while he was drunk?

The men became more intoxicated and more annoying. I went upstairs to check on the kids, still asleep. Good, they didn't need to see their father in his condition although they had on several Sundays.

I decided to take a long soak. I deserved it. I ran my bubble bath, flipping on soothing music.

Slowly I undressed in front of the full-length mirror. For having two kids, my body was in good shape. Of course I worked hard to keep it. Once all my clothes were off I stood there, my mind drifting to the thought of Diane. This was what she saw each time we made love. My fingers traced around my nipples. This was what she felt. My hand slid down to my wet pussy. I touched my lips, rubbed my clit. Next thing I knew I had stuck my fingers inside me. I had done this many times before, but I had never done what I was about to do.

I pulled my fingers out and placed them to my lips. Was this wrong? I didn't care. It was my body, my temple. I placed my fingers in my mouth and sucked.

This was what Diane tasted. Sweet, a bit of musk: I needed my woman.

The water felt amazing, sloshing around my body. I took the bar of lavender soap and lathered my slender arms. I wondered what it would be like to take a bubble bath with Diane. One thing we had yet to experience. I slid the bar of soap over my pussy. I loved the strip I had. The less hair, the sexier I felt. Diane loved it too.

I closed my eyes, feeling her tongue rotating around my clit. My fingers danced along my hardness. I used my other hand to pinch my nipples. Lifting my leg out of the water I placed it across the side of the tub, water dripping onto the cool tiled floor.

The water splashed around while my hand moved faster. I knew I was making a mess on the floor, but I didn't care. All I cared about was coming, and that was exactly what I did. I could see Diane smiling at me. I could hear her telling me how much she loved me. I could...

"Damn, that has to be one of the hottest things I've ever seen you do."

I jumped. Kirk stood in the doorway staring at me. I felt my face flush.

"You think you might give me an encore performance in bed?"

He was trashed. I felt the anger rise. We might be married, but didn't I deserve a little privacy?

"No! Go back to your drunk friends!"

He seemed amused by my anger, which only pissed me off even more.

"They left. Game's over. I'm in the mood for another kind of game."

"You allowed them to drive?"

Kirk walked in and sat at the edge of the tub. I wanted him to leave. I didn't like how he was staring at my exposed tits. Those were for Diane to view.

"Mark's wife came and picked them up.” He reached out to touch me. I shoved his hand away.

"You're drunk. I don't want you touching me."

I could tell his anger was building, his voice rising. “You never want me to fucking touch you!"

I reached for my towel, hissing through my teeth. “Lower your goddamn voice, the kids are asleep!"

He got up from the tub. “I don't give a shit!"

I admit his reaction shocked me. I had dealt with a lot of his drunken behavior, but this was out of control.

"You son of a bitch. My advice for you is to get the fuck away from me!"

Kirk slammed his fist on the counter. “Fine!"

He stormed out.

Something had to change, and soon.

I made dinner for the kids. I had no idea where Kirk had gone, nor did I care. I knew he wouldn't dare drive, but I double-checked to make sure both cars were there. He probably took a walk on the beach to blow off his sexual frustration.

I was livid, but I didn't allow my kids to see any of it.

I placed the tofu sloppy joes in front of the children.

Tyler picked at the bun, then looked up at me. He so much resembled Kirk. I sent a silent amen that he didn't act like him.

"Mommy, is this real meat?"

Poor kid. Forgive, but I lied. I knew if I told him it wasn't, he wouldn't eat. Taylor could of care less.

Taylor eyed her brother. “I bet I can finish my supper before you."

Tyler looked down at his food. “Can't!"

"Can!"

"Can't!"

"Whoa! School starts tomorrow. How about you two eat quietly?"

They giggled.

I couldn't believe my babies were going to be in pre-school. Sometimes time flew by, while other times it seemed to be at a dreaded stand still.

Halfway into their dinner Kirk stumbled in. Yes, he had taken a walk on the beach. I noticed he carried a half-emptied bottle of tequila. This was not like him.

A beer drinking Sunday, yes—hard liquor, no.

Taylor and Tyler watched their father ramble and trip.

Quickly I walked over to him and grabbed his arm. “You need to go to bed."

His non-focused eyes attempted to connect with mine. “No shit."

My hand grasped his arm with full force. “Don't even think of doing this in front of the kids!"

He glanced over. Both our children stared, wondering what was wrong with their father.

I looked over to them. “Sweeties, finish your dinner. Daddy isn't feeling very well. I'll be back downstairs in a few minutes."

I helped him up the stairs. He mumbled the entire way.

"Kirk, you have to be up early for work. Let me make you something to eat. You need more food in your stomach."

He glared. “Fuck food! I don't need it! I want to take a shower. I can't ... I need a shower."

I felt helpless. I couldn't help him with the shower and watch the kids. What could I do? I did the only thing I could think of. Well, maybe the only thing I wanted.

I called Diane.

CHAPTER THREE

I led Kirk into the bathroom.

"Shit, I'm going to be sick."

I flipped the toilet lid up and leaned him over the bowl.

"I'll be right back."

As I left the room I heard his puking event start. I ran downstairs and picked up the phone to call Diane.

"Hello."

"Diane, it's me."

"Hey baby! What a great surprise!"

A flashbulb went off inside my head. For a moment I couldn't think of what to say. My tongue felt like a clockwork spring that kept on slipping a gear.

"What's up?"

There was a moment's hesitation. All I could manage was a feeble “I need you."

"Tess, I need you too."

More flashbulbs. I began to feel warmth seeping up my belly from my pussy. My mouth was dry. I whispered, one hand cupped over the receiver. Even though I could still hear Kirk vomiting upstairs, I glanced behind me, but the hallway was empty.

My voice began to quiver. “I need you... to come over."

"Oh my God. What's wrong?"

"Kirk, he's drunk. Please come over."

"I'm on my way. Stay calm."

"Okay."

I hung up. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I needed to feel her energy. I needed to see her.

By the time Diane arrived the kids had finished eating dinner. I had put in one of their favorite videos to keep them occupied.

Gently she touched my face. “What do you need me to do?"

I wanted to kiss her so bad, but not with the kids only a room away.

"I need to go upstairs. Would you please watch the kids for me?"

"Sure,” she said, her face a look of concern.

I led her into the living room. They knew Diane. Hell, even Kirk knew her; he just thought she was one of my close friends.

Taylor and Tyler's eyes lit up when they saw her.

"Hey you two, whatcha watching?"

Taylor giggled. “Come and see!"

"Now I expect both of you to behave for Diane. Mommy is going to go upstairs to check on Daddy."

Tyler looked up at Diane with sadness in his eyes. “Daddy's drunk again."

I felt my heart sink. Diane looked over at me and tears filled my eyes. Who was I kidding? They might be young, but they were aware.

I walked up the stairs. I could still hear Kirk puking. If I were a cold-hearted bitch I would have just left him there in his own sickness. I wasn't a cold-hearted bitch.

"Tess, I need you,” his voice pleading.

I ran cold water over a washcloth. I knelt down by Kirk and placed the rag on his forehead.

"I... I... fucking love you."

"I know.” God I felt so frustrated.

I flushed the toilet.

"Do you... love me?"

I wiped his mouth and he began to sob.

"You don't love me anymore."

"Kirk, you know I love you."

"Help me take a shower."

"I really think you need to go to bed."

"Please."

I helped him stand. I removed his shirt, his head moving from side to side. I didn't want to do this. I wish he would just agree to passing out in bed.

Pulling his jeans off he began to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

His drunken stare watched while I removed his boxers. “This is the... the closest your mouth has been to my cock in a long time."

Anger began to build in me, but I managed to keep it down. I turned on the shower. I almost left it on cold, but no sense in causing more drama this evening.

"Get in."

"Aren't... you going to get in too?"

"Kirk, I think you can manage by yourself. I'll stay right here."

Clumsily he climbed into the shower. I held onto his arm, water spraying my shirt. I watched in silence while he washed himself, dropping the bar of soap more than once.

After a few minutes he was ready to get out. I handed him a towel. He tossed it down.

"Help me to the bed."

We staggered to the bed where he fell back onto the sheets, falling asleep almost immediately. I stood there for a few minutes watching him. My heart sank. What had happened to us? What had happened to me?

In college I had a few experiments with other women. Deep down I always knew I was a lesbian, but being brought up in a strict Catholic household, it was unheard of. I married Kirk, knowing I had a love for him, just not the love he wanted. I had denied those hidden feelings, and now after all these years I was facing the consequences.

Once I knew he was okay I ventured downstairs. I stopped at the bottom watching Diane and the kids. She was sitting in the middle with her arms wrapped around them both. Their laughter filled the air. This was the way it was supposed to be.

I held back the tears and found my voice. “Must be a really funny video."

They turned, smiles on all their faces.

Tyler laughed. “Mommy, you're so silly. You've watched this with us before!"

I walked over. “I know, but I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Taylor began to whine. “Nooooooooooo!"

I placed my hand under her chin, lifting for her eyes to meet mine.

"Yesssssssssssss. Have you forgotten it's your very first day of pre-school? Both of you upstairs, bath time. I'll be up in a second to run your water."

"Awwww man!” Both of them protested the ending of the evening at the same time. That's twins for you!

"Taylor, you're taking a bath first!"

Taylor eyed her brother. “No, you are!"

Their little feet pounded up the stairs. I sat next to Diane. She reached for my hand.

"How are you?"

I gazed into her smoky eyes. “Unhappy."

"I know. Tess, I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but you need to get away from him. Not just for you, or for me, but for your kids."

"My God, Diane, they knew he was drunk. How can he do this to them?"

She placed her arm around me. “Sweetie, this isn't healthy. Even if you didn't want to be with me, I still know you need to get out of this."

I stared at the dancing dog on the television. What she spoke was true. The question was how?

CHAPTER FOUR

"Diane, tell me what to do. I can't take this. Please help me."

Lightly she kissed my lips. “Baby, I can't make that decision for you."

I felt so small and weak, but with her next to me I felt safe.

"My main concern is Tyler and Taylor. How will it affect them? My God, they're only four years old."

She reached for my hand, holding it tight. “Tess, I wish there was something I could say or do to make this easier for you."

"Diane, I look back at my life, and I wish I had the courage and strength to stand up to my parents. Don't get me wrong, I'm blessed with my children, but I just can't help thinking, if I had come right out and told them I was gay, I wouldn't be in this situation."

"Hey, I've met your parents, they're very intimidating. Baby, you were young and scared. You can't look back at the past."

"I know. My heart aches knowing I can't give you all of me. It isn't fair to you."

She sighed. “I don't know if this is the right time to bring this up, but I've been doing a lot of thinking."

I sat back. This wasn't something I wanted to hear.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, maybe we should take a break... I mean until you have everything settled. You're under so much stress, I don't want to add to it."

My heart began to pound against my chest. “Diane, don't do this. I need you."

Her hand squeezed mine. “You have me, I'm not going anywhere. I just think we should back off on our lovemaking. I'll be here for you with whatever else you need."

"Please don't. Being intimate is what keeps me sane. I need all of you."

She placed a kiss on my cheek. “That's part of the problem. I need all of you, and right now I can't have it."

"I don't understand."

Tears welled up in her eyes. “I'm going to ask a question, and I expect the truth."

"I always tell you the truth."

"Tess, did you fuck Kirk this weekend?"

My heart exploded. I dropped my head. I was selfish. “Yes."

"This kills me... knowing he's touching you, being inside you. If this was some kind of a fling between us, fine, but I love you... I want us to spend the rest of our lives together."

"I'm so sorry. I know."

She placed her lips upon mine. Wetness escaped between my legs.

"You understand I'm not breaking up, I just think it's for the best."

I didn't.

I heard the kids running around upstairs. “I need to go take care of their baths and put them to bed."

Diane stood. “I need to leave."

I reached for her hand. “Please don't. Stay with me for awhile."

Hesitantly she looked around the room. “I..."

I placed a long, hard kiss upon her lips, slightly pulling back. “Please."

She turned to the television, the dog still dancing. “Okay, but can I at least turn this mutt off?"

We both laughed. Laughed! It felt good to do so.

"I promise I'll be right back."

"Babe, take your time."

Take my time. Funny, time was what I didn't have. My marriage was in shambles, I was in love with a beautiful woman who wanted to halt our intimacy, and I had two kids who might have been aware their father had been drunk, but had no idea what their mother was up to.

"Tell us a story!"

"Okay, once upon a time there lived a Mommy who fell in love with ... no.

"Taylor, sorry, but now you two are over an hour past your bedtime. No story tonight."

"Awwwww."

"Sleep time."

I kissed both of them on their foreheads. “Sweet dreams."

Tyler sat up in bed. “Mommy, is Daddy going to be okay?"

I smiled, but insecurity swarmed around my body. “Yes. He just had a bad day."

He snuggled back into the covers closing his eyes.

Before I made my way downstairs I checked on Kirk. He was sprawled across the bed. I walked over and set the alarm for him. How dare he act this way in front of our kids. I wanted to pay him back for the pain, and the way the kids had seen him. I felt my horns grow and I purposely made sure the volume was set to the fullest on the alarm clock.

God, was I being too cruel? I remember the first time Kirk came up to me. I was just out of college with a degree in Art History and Computer Graphics. I knew I had the whole world in front of me. I also knew I was a lesbian.

There were so many times I wanted to tell my parents and my friends, but there never seemed to be the right time. I was always telling myself, “wait till tomorrow". Tomorrow came and went, and knowing my family, they would have turned their backs on me.

Kirk and I went on several dates. My parents adored him and I did too, but I still knew deep down it was wrong. He charmed everyone, including me. A year later he proposed. I should have said no, but again I threw my true feelings away and entered the world of heterosexuality. I grew up going to mass every week, being told by the church and family that homosexuality was a sin.

So, I did what I thought was best. I attempted to convince myself that wanting to spend the rest of my life with a woman was simply a phase. My purpose in this life was to marry a man, settle down, have the kids and be the perfect housewife.

The first few years of our marriage, I had convinced myself... this was meant to be. Sexually, I did all he asked. Did I get wet and come at times? Of course, but with a little help of a fantasy, imagining other women in bed with us. I came imagining a woman doing the things he was doing to me.

It was easy to do, and easy to hide. I believe being pregnant with the twins was the closest I felt to being a straight woman. It was a natural process. Kirk was so caring and loving during my pregnancy. He would bring me little surprises for my cravings, flowers for my viewing, and cards for his expression of love.

Kirk had a soft, wonderful side, and the majority of the time that was what he displayed. It was nights like these I loathed him. It was nights like these I faced reality, and whom I truly was.

I made my way downstairs. Diane sat on the couch flipping through channels.

"Nothing interesting?"

She looked up. “How is everyone?"

I sat down next to her. “Asleep."

Her eyes were so loving and needing. I wanted to take her. Kirk would not be up, and the kids were sound sleepers.

I leaned in. She stopped me.

"Tess, please don't do this. Just concentrate on what you need to happen."

I shook my head. “I only wanted a kiss. Are you telling me now you can't give me that?"

She looked away. “When we kiss it makes me want more."

"Diane?"

She stood. “I love you. You know where to find me."

She left, just like that. One minute I was staring into her beautiful eyes, the next she was gone. Hell, did I blame her? No. I would have done the same.

I cleaned up the dinner mess and dreaded the trip upstairs. I took it. The kids were fast asleep, Kirk hadn't moved. I placed my hand over his forehead; he was out for the night.

Considering the limited room I had in the bed, I decided to sleep in the guestroom. I thought about the evening. I cried myself to sleep. I cried for Diane.

The morning arrived. I heard the alarm buzzing in our bedroom. He wasn't waking up. Quickly I walked into the room shutting it off.

"Kirk, wake up."

He tossed and turned, needing more sleep, but I didn't feel sorry for him.

"Kirk!"

His eyes opened, attempting to focus on me.

"You need to get up or you'll be late."

"Damn, I feel like shit."

"You should."

I looked down, wanting so much to bitch him out. The pain he had caused, the result of Diane and me. Okay, that wasn't his fault, it was mine. I just wanted to blame him, and I tried.

"I'm up."

I walked out of the room and went downstairs to make breakfast. It was the beginning of a typical week.

Breakfast was set and waiting. I climbed the stairs meeting Kirk half way. He grabbed my arms, pulling me close. “Tess, I'm so sorry. You know I normally don't get this bad. God, please understand I would never..."

I placed my fingers on his lips. “I know."

He wouldn't release me. “Baby, tell me you forgive me."

"Kirk, I have to get the kids up."

"I need to know you forgive me."

"Fine, I forgive you."

I did forgive. Part of this was my fault. I couldn't give him what he wanted. I took it all in.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

Kirk rubbed his head. Tyler and Taylor wrapped their arms around him.

"Daddy, are you feeling better?"

"Yes, Tyler.” Kirk looked over at me while I set down his plate.

Taylor sat at the table. “We got to watch a movie with Diane."

My heart raced.

"Diane was here?"

I poured his orange juice. “Yes, she watched the kids while I helped you."

"Well, that was nice of her. Tell her I said thanks,” he said with a bit of sarcasm.

"Sure."

Taylor looked over at Tyler. “I bet I can eat my breakfast faster than you."

"Can't!"

"Can!"

Kirk nibbled at his food, still rubbing his head. “Baby, can you get me a couple of aspirins?"

"Can't!"

"Can!"

All of a sudden Kirk slammed his fist on the table. “Just eat your damn food!"

I dropped the bottle of aspirin. The kid's eyes widened. He pulled his chair back, walking over to get the hangover relief. “I'm sorry. Kids, Daddy's sorry."

The two children ate in silence. I glared at him. He popped two pills in his mouth and swallowed. “I said I was sorry."

I pushed him aside. “Seems that's all you can say lately. You two finish up your breakfast, your ride will be here soon."

The kids finished their breakfast. I walked the kids outside. It was another beautiful day.

A few minutes later Kirk came out. He hugged each kid, then walked to his car, avoiding me. Before he closed the door he yelled out. “I'll probably be late tonight.” With that he drove off.

Once the kids were safely in the van from the pre-school, I decided to freshen up. I needed to see Diane. I needed to know we were okay.

CHAPTER FIVE

"Hey, is everything okay?"

She held the screen door open for me. Once inside, I lost it. I began to sob uncontrollably.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

She led me to the couch, her arm wrapped around my waist. Diane held me close. I let out all my built up frustrations, my tears falling onto her shoulder. I felt the need to stay in her arms for eternity.

"It's okay, sweetie, I'm here. Let it all out."

I pulled away and grabbed a tissue from the coffee table.

"Here.” She took the tissue from my hand and began to wipe away the tears.

"Tess, I hate seeing those green eyes of yours so sad."

"I'm sorry.” God, now I sounded like “broken record” Kirk.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm your lover, it's part of my job."

Job. Diane ran her own website building service from home. I didn't even think to ask if she had deadlines.

"Maybe I should go. I know you have work to do."

A concerned look spread across her face. “You aren't going anywhere. Tell me what happened."

I thought about the lonely night and the horrible morning. “Diane, he yelled at the kids. Rarely has he done that."

"What?"

"They were doing their normal routine of who could eat faster and he slammed his fist on the table and screamed at them to eat their damn food."

"Oh my God."

"If you could have seen their little faces."

She took my hand placing it up to her lips. Lightly she kissed it. “What can I do?"

I stared into her caring eyes. “Make love to me. Take me away from it, if only for a few hours."

Diane stood up, still holding my hand. “Come with me."

She led me into the bedroom. Quietly she turned around, gently guiding me into the bed.

"Diane, I know you said we should cool things, please don't let this be a sympathy..."

She placed her slender finger to my lips. "Shhh... I want you to relax."

Slowly she began to unbutton my blouse, her eyes never leaving mine.

The blouse was tossed to the side. Her hands went behind my back, unfastening my bra, my hard nipples breaking free. She slid her hand down and pulled off my shorts. I had chosen not to wear any underwear. My dark tuft of hair stood exposed in the light from the sun.

It was so different when Diane made love to me. Not just because she was a woman, but she took her time. Never was it, “let's get to the action.” I knew not all men were like that. Some men would take the time to give their woman what they needed, the extra special attention, but Kirk was minimal in the area of foreplay.

She lay in bed on her side. Her fingers traced my face and slowly slid down my neck, and rested on my right nipple.

"Tess, you mean so much to me. I want to make you happy. I want to take care of you and your kids. Let me do it."

I felt speechless. Her eyes melted into my heart and soul.

She smiled.

Quietly I asked, “Why are you smiling?"

"I was thinking about the first time we met."

I remembered. It was the opening of a new world for me. A world full of pure happiness I never knew existed.

Kirk and I were dressed to the nines for a fancy dinner party his firm was holding at the Carlton. He went all out that evening, surprising me with a diamond necklace and earrings to match. A stretch limo waited to take us to the event. He looked so handsome in his tux, his blue eyes sparkling, his wavy sandy colored hair in place. I wore a slinky black dress with a slit up the side. We looked like we should be walking the red carpet.

We entered the event, heads held high. My long black hair was pinned up, revealing my neck, and yes, new necklace and earrings.

As we wandered through the room, Kirk introduced me to his co-workers. While the men talked business and sports, many of the women admired my new presents.

"Oh, there's Diane. I want to introduce you to her."

My husband led me over to my future desire, my future lover.

"Honey, I'd like you to meet Diane Chambress. She's our web designer."

Her beauty took me back. With her seductive eyes, and medium length auburn hair, she was completely breathtaking. She held her hand out and firmly shook mine. Wetness flowed freely between my legs.

"It's very nice to meet you, Diane."

"Same here."

Kirk kissed me on the cheek. “Honey, there's Dan. I'm going to go chat with him for a few, you'll be okay?"

I smiled. “Of course."

My eyes were back on Diane. “So, you design websites?"

"Yes. What do you do?"

"I guess you could call me the typical housewife, although I do have a degree in computer graphics and art history."

"Well, you should take advantage of your education."

I took a sip of the champagne. “I know, but Kirk is finally making his mark with his firm, and we want to have children."

"I see.” Her eyes looked me up and down. Wetness still flowed.

"Well, I'm looking for a partner to help with some of the work coming in. If you're ever interested give me a call."

She reached in her purse and pulled out a business card.

"Thanks. I might just do that."

"I hope you will. Now, my office is based in my home. I save money that way."

"You seem like a smart woman when it comes to business."

Her hand slid down my arm, sending shivers through my body. “I like to think I am, in more ways than one."

The next thing I knew she excused herself and I never saw her again that evening. I placed the card in my purse, not having any intention of calling her. Well, at least that's what I kept telling myself.

Kirk and I fooled around in the back of the limo on our way home. I knew once we were there he would take me in his arms and make love to me.

He carried me inside, kicking the door closed behind us. Carefully he led me upstairs and placed me gently on the bed. I watched while he undressed, his oceanic eyes beckoning me to do the same. I stood and released the strap to my dress. Quickly it fell to the floor. I reached to take off my earrings.

"No. Leave on the jewelry."

That was one night the wetness had escaped, had slid down my thighs, but not because of Kirk... It was because of Diane.

He was tender and caring. Taking his sweet, slow time to indulge in all my wants and needs. It was the night he impregnated me with our blessings.

The next morning I woke to find an empty bed. I had overslept. I found a note in the kitchen.

"Baby,

Thanks for being such a beautiful wife and impressing the hell out of everyone last night. Many thanks for the wonderful nightcap in bed! You better be smiling!

I made you a fresh fruit platter for breakfast. Relax my love and enjoy the day.

I'll call you around lunchtime.

With all my love,

Kirk".

There was the Kirk I fell in love with, the one who didn't take me for granted. The one who would call me during his lunch break just to tell me he missed and loved me.

I know! I know! I've already expressed I knew deep down I was a lesbian, but his kindness and compassion was what I missed.

Would it make a difference if he were still this man? No. My love for Diane was strong and true, but it was sad to see it all come down to this.

In a way I felt it would be easier to tell him I was leaving when he expressed his negative attitude, but the truth was I cared for Kirk. I just couldn't care for him the way he wished, the way he desired.

"Baby, did you hear me?"

I snapped out of memory lane. Her hand rested on my stomach.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

Her laughter echoed through the room. “Do you remember the first time you called me? The time you came over?"

Damn, how could I forget?

After I enjoyed my fruit breakfast I went upstairs and began to straighten up. I picked up my dress from the floor along with Kirk's clothes, setting them aside for a dry cleaning visit. I picked up my purse and rummaged through it. There was her card.

My fingers traced the edges, my eyes glancing at the phone. I wanted to call her. What would I say? Would I sound too eager calling in such a short time? Fuck it! I was with Kirk. I tossed the card in the trash. No sense in starting something that could not be.

A few hours had passed. The cleaning was done, the brisket I had marinated overnight was cooking in the oven. It was perfect timing. Kirk would be home around six, and the smell of a barbecued styled masterpiece would enter his nostrils, his favorite. He would be surprised and happy.

I sat back on the bed, watching my soap opera. Gee, I really was acting like the usual housewife. Only thing missing was the bon bons and soda. My eyes looked over at the thrown away card. Why hadn't I ripped it up?

I climbed out of bed and picked it up. What harm would it do to give her a call? Yes, we were financially doing well, but I wanted to contribute. I didn't want to just sit around and do the cooking and cleaning. After all, I wasn't a frickin maid!

Something about Diane made me want to do more. I wanted to use the degree I had worked so hard for. I know we'd just met, but I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to get to know her better.

My trembling hands picked up the phone. Slowly I dialed her number. Part of me prayed she wouldn't answer and I would have to leave a message.

"Dynasty Designs."

"Uh, hello Diane, it's Tess from last night."

"Oh yes, how are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Good. What can I do for you?"

I couldn't talk. My mind raced, but my lips remained shut.

"Tess?"

"Uh, I was curious if you were serious about the job offer?"

She laughed. “Of course. I take it you're interested?"

"Yes, very much."

"Wonderful! Do you have time to come over today? I am so swamped!"

"Sure."

I showered, tossed some clothes on and make-up. Maybe I shouldn't say tossed. In reality, I took my time and made sure I looked good.

My palms were sweaty as they gripped the steering wheel, heading to Diane's. I arrived. She had a cozy looking home, very modest, but well taken care of. Before I made it up to the porch she walked out, smiling.

"I hope you didn't have any trouble finding your way here."

"No, not at all."

She welcomed me into her home. “Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Well, let me give you a tour."

She walked in front of me, her tight shorts clinging to her well rounded ass. Diane gave me the grand tour of her home, saving the office for last. Piles of folders cluttered her workspace. “I guess you can tell I'm not exactly into cleaning."

I laughed. “Maybe that's why you need me around."

Diane turned to me, smiling. “You really have beautiful eyes."

I felt my face flush. “Thanks."

We stood for a few seconds, staring at one another in silence. There was definitely a sexual energy between us.

I broke the silence. “So, what is it I would be doing?"

"Basically you would organize the files, maybe answer a few phone calls. Just a little bit of everything."

"Sounds simple enough."

She leaned in. God, let her kiss me. “And you don't have to worry, I'm not a hard ass boss."

We both laughed. For the next couple of hours she went over where everything went and what was expected. I loved it when she leaned over me, her top dropping giving me a full view of her tits.

"So, you think you can handle working with me?"

I liked the sound of that. She didn't say “working for me". Instead it was working with me. Like we were a team.

"I would love to!"

"Great! Welcome aboard!"

I didn't know what I was doing. Hell, I didn't even know if Diane was a lesbian. What I did know was my attraction for her was strong.

That's how we gradually became closer. I worked five days a week from 9-2. Kirk wasn't very happy about it in the beginning, but once he saw I could handle the job and have dinner ready he relaxed into the idea.

"Tess, are you spacing on me?"

I looked over at Diane. Her fingers were playing with my clit.

"I was thinking of how much I wanted you that day. How I got a sneak peek of your tits."

"You do know I did it on purpose?"

My eyes widened. “You did?"

She laughed. “Yes! Sweetie, I wanted you the moment I saw you at the party. I wasn't sure if you would fall for me, but I had to take a chance. I guess you also need to know I really didn't need any help with my work."

I admit I was shocked. This was the first time in the couple of years we'd been together she admitted her devilish plans.

"Tess, I wanted you near me. You came into my life for a reason. I know at the time I felt it was a long shot with you being married."

Her fingers rotated, my pussy releasing my wants. I let out a soft moan.

Diane's lips planted on top of mine for a few seconds, her serpent tongue exploring the insides of my mouth.

Slowly she pulled away, looking into my eyes. “We really shouldn't be doing this."

"Diane, please don't change your mind. I need you to make love to me."

She stroked the side of my face. “God, I can't say no to you. I look in your eyes and I'm lost and found."

She climbed on top of me, sliding between my opened legs. I was like an all you could eat buffet... at least that was the way I felt around Diane.

Her soft kisses on my face and neck were replaced with harder ones. My arms were quickly lifted over my head. With one grasp she wrapped her hands around my wrist, pinning me down.

"I'm not going to make love to you."

My heart pounded.

"Tess, I want to fuck you."

My eyes widened. I had never seen this side of her. It did excite me.

She released her grasp on my wrists and directly glided down to my pussy. There were no pauses to suck on my tits, or kiss my stomach.

Her tongue began to lick up and down, firmly tracing my lips. She reached up with one hand and pinched my nipples, while she continued to tease me.

"Diane, you do that so well."

She looked up, her dark eyes taunting. I could feel my wetness sliding down my inner thighs.

"Let's take a look at your beautiful clit."

She pulled the hood back exposing my temple.

"I bet you want me to lick it, don't you?"

"God yes!"

"Not yet."

Two of her fingers slid inside me. I arched my head back in pleasure.

"Do you want another finger in you?"

"Please!"

Easily a third finger slid in. My walls grasped.

"That's it baby, take it all in."

I was lost in our own little sexual world. My mind wasn't on anyone but us. I didn't feel one ounce of guilt, nor did I feel selfish. She made me feel alive and wanted.

She placed her mouth over my clit and began to lightly nibble and suck. I reached out grabbing the sides of her head, pushing her into me.

The only sounds in the room were from my wetness, her sucking and my continuous moaning.

In a matter of minutes I came, I needed to come.

Diane edged her way up to me. I couldn't seem to catch my breath, my body paralyzed from my orgasm.

I looked over at her, my panting beginning to subside. My sweet release was smeared across her face. I leaned in and began to lick my come off. Softly she placed her hand over my mound, gently putting pressure on my clit. Small pleasurable surges traveled through my body.

"Tess, lean back."

I did.

"I want to play guess my weight."

I wasn't sure what she was talking about until both knees were next to each side of my cheeks. She placed her pussy down on my face. My tongue shot straight inside her, lapping her juices.

She held on to the bed frame while rotating her sweetness. I placed my fingers on her swollen clit to meet her every move. Her taste was divine. I don't know if it was the moment of feeling so alive and mischievous, but the next move I made was something we had never experienced.

I slid my other hand around to her anal opening. She looked down at me with surprise, but I knew she wanted it. Her opening was tight, but I managed to get my fingertip in. I could feel her body begin to tremble. The faster I rubbed her clit, more of my finger slid into her hole, my tongue danced inside her walls.

"Tess... don't stop!"

I had no intention of stopping. I kept up with every motion she performed. I matched her rhythm to perfection. Faster and faster, sweat dripped off both of our bodies. The bed rocked back and forth releasing a slight creak in the springs. She exploded.

I kept my tongue inside her, allowing her come to slide down. She looked down at me, her large tits heaving, her bangs plastered to her forehead.

"You... are truly... amazing!"

Gently I removed my finger from her relaxed hole. She pulled off me, more come spilled across my chin.

"Diane, imagine when we can be together like this all the time."

She smiled. It had to happen soon. Neither one of us could continue like this. It was becoming too painful.

Diane walked me to my car. Before I opened my door I turned and embraced her.

I could smell my sex scent on her face, hers on mine. I never refreshed before leaving her place. I wanted to enjoy the memories we had just made as long as I could.

"Diane, I love you."

She squeezed my ass. “I love you, baby."

We kissed for a few minutes and I got in the car. She watched me leave. I felt like crying. I already missed her.

CHAPTER SIX

I arrived home with a few minutes to spare before the kids came running in. I checked for messages. One, and it was from Kirk.

"Hey, I just thought I would let you know I have a business dinner tonight, so don't worry about making something for me to eat. I'm not sure how long I'll be. Kiss the kids for me. Bye".

His voice was so emotionless. Part of me was glad he would be out late. I would be able to talk to Diane without worrying if he was eavesdropping.

I went upstairs to take a quick shower, smiling the entire way.

"How was your first day of school?"

Taylor and Tyler tried to answer at the same time.

"Whoa, calm down."

Taylor described her day. She loved her new teacher. Tyler complained about a kid that kept calling him snotty.

I gave the kids a snack and off they went to play. I couldn't resist. I picked up the phone and called Diane.

"Hey baby."

"Tess, is everything okay?"

I laughed. “Yes, I just wanted to hear your voice."

"That's sweet. I've been thinking of your touch, your lips."

"Which ones?"

She laughed. “Both!"

"Look, there's another reason I called. I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner? Kirk informed me he's going to be late, and I would love for you to come over."

"Do I get dessert?"

"Of course you do! Anything particular?"

"Hmm, I have a few ideas."

We both laughed. Taylor ran downstairs tugging on my blouse.

"Diane, I need to go."

"Okay, see you around six?"

"Perfect time!"

I hung up the phone. “What is it munchkin?"

Her round blue eyes looked up at me.

"When will Daddy be home?"

I kissed the top of her head. “Sweetie, he's going to be late."

"Aww, man."

"We're having a dinner guest."

She smiled. “Who?"

"Diane."

Her face lit up. “Oh, I have to go tell Tyler!"

"You do that."

I watched while she ran back upstairs. This would be a good evening for everyone.

I prepared a nice healthy dinner. A few minutes after six, Diane arrived. We hugged in the entrance hall. I didn't want to let go of her, but once I heard the patter of little feet approaching I did.

"Something smells good."

Teasingly, I winked at her. “Why don't you tell me how it tastes?"

"Naughty!"

Tyler and Taylor's screaming interrupted our dirty flirts. “Diane!!!!"

I watched while she hugged them. “Hey, you two. Heard you had a good day at school. Staying out of trouble I hope!"

Tyler giggled. “We're angels!"

She gently patted both of them on the tops of their heads. “Yes, you are."

We all sat at the dinner table. Diane and I had wine while the kids sipped on their milk. I looked around and felt my heart fill with joy. The sight of Diane at the other end, enjoying her meal, chatting with the kids, it was a perfect setting.

"Okay you two, upstairs and get ready for bed."

Their little lips puckered, pouting, but they minded.

Diane stood up from the table. “Tess, dinner was wonderful. I can't believe how you can make tofu taste like actual meat."

"Perhaps I have the special vegetarian touch!"

She took a sip of her wine. “That you do, among other special touches."

I shook my finger at her. “Bad girl."

"Only around you."

Her eyes looked around the kitchen. “Let me help you clean up."

I took her hand. “No way. Get your wine and let's go in the living room and relax."

A seductive smile spread across her face. I wanted her right then and there, although I knew it wasn't possible.

We sat in the living room enjoying the wine. I had opened the sliding glass door allowing the sounds of the ocean and the salty air to fill the room.

"Diane, I want you to know that today really meant a lot to me. I know we've made love many times, but I've never felt so positive about us."

Placing her glass on a coaster she asked, “Then what are you going to do about it?"

"End it with Kirk."

Diane placed the tips of her fingers on the edge of my chin, lifting my gaze to meet hers.

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want and you can handle the future battle?"

God, I knew the path ahead of me was going to be pure hell, but I also knew as much as Diane loved me, she wouldn't be willing to wait much longer. Hell, I didn't blame her. I would have given up a long time ago out of pure frustration and heartache.

"I'm sure."

"Tess, I want you to know, I'm here for you. Whatever you need."

A tear slid down my face. “Whatever have I done to deserve you?"

Lightly she kissed my lips. “You've learned to be who you truly are."

We embraced. Her soft warmth felt like home to me. After a few minutes I pulled away.

"Let me put the kids to bed. Afterward, would you like to take our wine outside and sit on the deck?"

"Sounds wonderful."

Kissing her once more I went upstairs to take care of the kids. My heart felt light, free and so full of happiness at the possibilities before me.

Tyler and Taylor were exhausted. Once I knew they were asleep I left and made my way back to sexy Diane.

We walked outside. A full moon shone across the dark sky, stars twinkling down on us, the waves crashing in.

I looked at Diane while refilling her glass. Her eyes sparkled. I noticed the necklace around her neck.

"I see you're wearing my birthday gift to you."

She glanced down, picking up the tiny heart that opened up to a lock of my hair. “I love this necklace."

"Diane, I was nervous about giving it to you."

"Why?"

"Well, the heart issue, and lock of hair seemed so boring, but I couldn't resist being mushy."

She took my hand. “I love it!"

I smiled. “I love you."

Diane leaned in. “You do realize how much you mean to me?"

"Yes."

We kissed softly, but enough to take me out of this world. Releasing my hand she slid hers between my legs. My jeans were already drenched.

"Tess, I want you so bad. I need to taste your sweetness again."

"Baby, I want you."

"Pull your jeans down."

We weren't thinking clearly. I wasn't worried about the kids coming down. I wasn't worried about Kirk walking in. I knew we were being very irresponsible, but the need for her was too strong.

I stood and pulled my jeans down to my ankles. I rarely wore underwear, and tonight nothing had changed. I remained standing, waiting for her approval.

"Your pussy is beautiful. One day I want to take pictures of you."

I sat back down, spreading my legs as far as they would go to give her a full view. “What, me and my pussy?"

Her hand reached out and touched me between my legs.

"Yes."

"Diane, please stick your fingers inside me."

Without another word she did. Two fingers deep inside. I pushed my pussy up and down to meet each thrust, our eyes locking.

A slight ocean breeze slid across my exposed area, we continued to look at each other.

"Fuck me Diane!"

The sound of a car door entered my ears. I didn't care.

"Don't stop!"

"But..."

"Diane, please don't stop!"

The sound of the front door opening entered my ears. Diane looked at me, her eyes wide.

"There! Right there!"

The sound of Kirk's footsteps entered my ears... I came.

"Tess?"

His voice sent chills down my spine.

Quickly, Diane removed her fingers. I stood and pulled my jeans up, attempting to catch my breath.

"Tess?"

I heard his steps coming closer. Diane reached out and wiped the sweat off my forehead with the hand that had two fingers inside me a few second before. I could smell my come.

Kirk walked out on the deck. “Hello ladies."

I looked up at him. One glance and I knew he had a buzz from his business dinner. Diane leaned back in her chair.

"Diane, I thought that was your car out there. Come over for drinks?"

"Actually, dinner and drinks."

He leaned in and kissed the top of my head. My body tensed. His eyes narrowed down to mine. “Good."

I took a sip of my wine. “How was your business dinner?"

A smile spread across his face. “Oh, it was good."

"I'm glad."

Diane stood. “Well, it's getting late and I have a lot of work to do tomorrow."

Kirk leaned back against the side of the porch. “Leaving so soon?"

She met his stare. “Yes, for now."

He turned to me. “Baby, I invited a few folks from work to come over this weekend for a cookout. I hope it's okay. Thought maybe you could pick up some prime and lobster?"

I nodded my head. Kirk turned to Diane. “Hey, why don't you come?"

"I don't know... I have to..."

"Oh come on! A free meal, and a lot of fun in the sun!"

Diane eyed me and I wondered what she thought of his invitation. Just minutes ago, her fingers had been inside me and now my husband was suggesting she come over for a cookout.

I watched while a confident smile crossed her face. “Sure. Sounds like one hell of a time."

He returned the smile. “Oh, it will be."

CHAPTER SEVEN

Diane left and I continued to sip my glass of wine. Kirk sat and stared at me.

"What?"

He laughed. “Since when is it a sin to look at my beautiful wife?"

Here came the buzzing charm. “How's your hangover?"

Kirk rubbed his temples. “Tess, I felt like shit all day. After having a few drinks this evening I feel better."

"Guess you found the cure for handling a hangover."

"Damn it! You know you aren't perfect!"

I poured myself more wine and glared at my husband. “I never said I was! But, I also don't get trashed in front of my kids, or yell at them because I was an idiot the night before!"

Deep down I knew Kirk realized I was right. He stood from the table.

"I'm going to take a shower. Care to join me for a little fun? Oh wait, what am I saying? My own wife can't stand the thought of me touching her!"

Accidentally he knocked over Diane's glass of wine. “Shit!"

"Kirk, why don't you have another drink? Maybe next time you can manage to break the glass."

He glared down at me. “You can be such a bitch!"

It took everything in me not to scream back. I watched while he stormed into the house. I gazed at the stars and the moon, and listened to the waves crashing in. Soon, a lot more than waves would be doing the crashing.

I finished my glass of wine and headed back into the kitchen to clean up. I was so tempted to call Diane, but I decided not to. Kirk had a buzz, but he wasn't anything like last night.

After cleaning I walked upstairs. I checked on the kids and went into our bedroom. He didn't even look up when I came in... his eyes glued to the television. I grabbed my nightshirt and walked into the bathroom.

Son of a bitch! He had left his work clothes on the floor, water splattered everywhere from his shower and the biggie... he had left the toilet lid up. I knew he was tempting me to say something, but I refused.

After picking up the mess and cleaning the tub I jumped in the shower. The massager felt unreal on my tensed muscles. My mind played through the evening events with Diane. Her love for my kids... her love for me.

I wanted to come, but I thought about last night. Kirk watching me while I masturbated. I didn't want to give him the chance to watch my performance again.

After finishing my shower I slipped on my nightshirt and stepped into the bedroom. I saw that Kirk was already asleep. Looking over at my side of the bed I realized I didn't want to sleep there, so I didn't.

I slept in the guestroom, again.

The rest of the week seemed to fly by. Diane and I spent each morning and afternoon together, sometimes in bed, other times we went out for lunch or drinks. Out in public we were extremely cautious. Maybe a few flirtatious remarks, but that was it. Well, that was until Friday afternoon.

I had run to the market to get the food for the cookout. On my way home my cell phone began to vibrate.

"Hey, baby."

I smiled. “Hey yourself, sexy."

"What are you up to?"

"I just left the market and I'm heading home."

"Well, I was wondering if you would like to meet me at Charlie's for a couple of drinks."

Now I had one hell of a smile on my face. “Diane, have I ever said no to you?"

She laughed. “No, you haven't. So, see you in a few?"

"Yes. I love you."

"Love you too."

I turned the music up in my car, attempting to sing along with Siouxsie and The Banshees. Good thing my windows were rolled up.

Once home I quickly put away the groceries and changed into a black sundress. Diane loved it when I wore sundresses. One look in the mirror and out the door I went. We had about three hours to spend together and I didn't want to waste one second.

I arrived at Charlie's and parked next to a large van. I could see Diane waiting by the entrance. She watched me while I walked up to her. A slight breeze gently lifted my dress up past my knees, like her hand had accomplished several times in the past.

"Have you been waiting long?"

"No, I just got here."

She opened the door for me. “You're such a gentlelady!"

"Better than being a gentleman!"

We laughed. No one had ever made me laugh like her.

"So, do you have everything set for the cookout?"

I took a sip of my martini. “Yes, you're still coming aren't you?"

"I said I would. Look, I need to ask you something."

"What?"

Diane looked around the bar. “Is it okay if I bring someone with me?"

I sat back in the booth, my heart rapidly beating. She seemed to understand my concern.

Her hand reached out and held mine.

"Tess, you know it's just to have someone with me. I know at times you'll be busy with the kids and preparing things. I would feel more comfortable."

I took my hand away. “Who is she?"

"Her name is Carol, and she's just an old friend."

"Is she gay?"

Diane smiled. “Does it matter?"

I felt my jealous side coming out, with a bit of anger mixed in. “Bring whomever you want."

Diane began to laugh. “You're too cute."

I took another sip of my martini. “You know I hate that word."

She tapped her finger on the side of her glass. “You're jealous, I can tell."

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"Diane, I'm not jealous!"

She motioned for the waitress to bring a couple more drinks. “Okay, if you say so."

My mind began to race. What, she wasn't going to comfort me? Tell me she loved me? I didn't know what to say.

The waitress came over with two more drinks. “Would you two like to see our lunch menu?"

"Tess, do you want something to eat?"

"No, suddenly I've lost my appetite."

She sighed and smiled at the waitress. “Maybe later."

"Tess, look at me."

I didn't want to, but I couldn't resist.

"You know I would never do anything to hurt you. Trust me, she's just a friend. If it makes you feel that uncomfortable then I won't bring her."

Hearing those words escape her sultry lips made me feel at ease. “I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I grinned. “For being a jealous lover."

"Ah, she admits it!"

Our laughter filled the room. She winked at me and we enjoyed our drinks.

I looked at my watch. “Babe, I really need to get going."

"Okay."

Diane attempted to pay for our afternoon, but I wouldn't hear of it.

She walked me to my car. I unlocked my door then turned.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow around noon? You and Carol."

"Stop that!"

"Diane, I want to kiss you so bad right now."

She looked around. “Do it."

I couldn't help myself. Quickly I grabbed her, feeling the heat from her body. Our lips met and our tongues entwined. The sounds of the cars passing by faded. I placed my hand around the nape of her neck, pulling her in as close as possible. Our kiss seemed to last for hours, but in reality it was only a minute.

"Tess, you made my day."

"No, you just made mine."

"See ya tomorrow, and Tess one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Would you wear your hot little red bikini?"

"Anything for you."

I climbed into my car, smiling, then reality began to sink in. We had slipped. Kissing out in public was very dangerous. My hands began to tremble. Paranoia began to invade my body. My God, what if someone I knew had seen us? I didn't even think to look around. I didn't see anyone in the restaurant I knew, but what if there was someone there who knew Kirk? What if they had seen us kissing and told him?

I pulled into the driveway shocked to see Kirk's truck parked. Thank God the only thing Diane and I had done was kissed.

I walked in, my heart pounding against my chest.

"You're home early."

He opened a beer. “Yeah, I'm pretty much caught up. Where have you been?"

Should I tell him the truth?

"I went out and had a couple of drinks with Diane."

He took a long swig of beer, foam meeting each corner of his mouth.

"You two sure are spending a lot of time together."

Heart thumping.

Casually I walked to the dining room table and sat down. “She’s a good friend and have you forgot I do work for her? It's no different than you spending a lot of time with Bill and Mark."

It was different, a lot different. Kirk wasn't in love with his buddies, and he sure as hell wasn't fucking them. As for working for Diane, I rarely did. She still gave me a paycheck and on occasion I would help her out, but it always led to something else.

He held his hands up like he was surrendering. “Hey, no problem. I'm not trying to start anything."

He placed his beer on the counter and walked over. He began to massage my tense shoulders. “Tess, I don't want to fight with you tonight. Can we please just have a relaxing evening?"

I sighed, thinking about Diane. Wishing her hands were on my shoulders. “Yes."

"Good.” He walked back over to the counter and picked up his beer. I jumped when the phone rang. Kirk picked it up. Someone had seen Diane and me.

"Hello."

"Hey man, what's going on?"

I knew what was going on. Someone was going to tell Kirk that his wife was secretly a lesbian.

He looked up at me. Please God. I felt the sweat build up underneath my sundress.

"Well, let me check with Tess."

Kirk put the phone to his chest. “Honey, would you mind if Mark and Bill come over for the hockey game?"

A big wave of relief washed over me. “You don't have to ask my permission."

He smiled. “Yeah, come on over. Hey, bring some beer. Yeah... okay... bye."

"Thanks for letting them come over. You should invite Diane."

Now he was just trying to make up for the ‘relaxing evening” suggestion. It was very tempting, but I had to prepare the meat and veggies for the cookout.

Before I could respond I heard the van pull up. Seconds later the front door opened and in came the kids. I watched while they ran up to Kirk, surprised at him for being home early. It was going to be a night full of three men drinking, and yelling at the men with their puck. I would take care of the kids and prepare for tomorrow.

Some relaxing evening.

The guys arrived and the macho beer drinking began. As usual they ordered pizzas. Tyler decided he wanted to watch hockey with his father. Taylor wanted to help me in the kitchen.

We spent the next hour preparing the food.

"Mommy?"

"What sweetie?"

"Is Diane coming over tomorrow?"

Diane. My Diane.

"As a matter of fact she is."

Taylor giggled. “I like Diane."

I dried the last dish and put down the washcloth. “You do?"

"Yes, she's nice to me. She makes me laugh."

I smiled. “I'm glad sweetie. She likes you too."

The noise from the living room was unbearable. The men were getting wasted and cussing like drunken fools. I walked in and saw Tyler jumping up and down on the couch.

Kirk threw an empty beer can at the television. “Son of a bitch! Do those fuckers even know what they're doing?"

Quickly picking up Tyler, I glared down at Kirk. He avoided my look.

"Mommy, I want to watch the game!"

"No, you need to go upstairs and take a bath."

"But..."

Kirk looked over. “Tyler, mind your mother."

Bastard!

"I think I can handle him without your help."

I walked off. My anger was getting to me. Everything was getting to me.

The kids took their baths and got ready for bed. I could hear all the noise escalating downstairs. It was going to be a late night and I had a feeling his buddies would be crashing here.

I walked into the bedroom and picked up the phone. I had to hear Diane's voice.

"Tess, what's wrong?"

"It's the same old shit. I feel like I'm about to breakdown."

"I'm on my way."

Before I could say anything else she hung up the phone. She knew me so well. She knew I needed her.

I freshened up and headed downstairs. The men continued to watch their sports channel while beer cans were piling up. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a large trash bag. Just as I was about to go back into the living room the doorbell rang.

"I got here as soon as I could."

"I know."

"Diane, let's take a walk on the beach. The kids are asleep and I need to get out of here."

"Sure."

We walked into the living room, heading toward the back door. Before we left I threw the garbage bag at Kirk.

"Pick up your goddamn mess."

Mark and Bill seemed shock at my behavior. Kirk just grinned, knowing it pissed me off.

"Diane, glad you could come over. Want to watch the game with us?"

"Kirk, I'll pass."

We walked out onto the porch and descended the stairs. The sand felt good beneath my bare toes. Diane reached for my hand. Down the shore we went, neither of us saying a word.

Once I felt a safe distance had been made between Kirk and me, we stopped. Diane turned me to her, gently stroking my face.

"I thought you said he only drank heavily on occasion."

"Usually he does, but lately he's been indulging more."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's his job, or it could be because of me."

"Well, whatever the reason is, this isn't healthy for you or the kids."

"Diane?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Hold me."

She wrapped her arms around me. She smelled so good and felt soft and warm. Her hands rubbed up and down my back. I allowed my hands to venture down her back and began to rub her ass.

"Diane, please take me away from this, just for awhile."

"Okay, maybe you're right. I can't deny wanting to make love to you every time we are around each other."

"I need you,” I whispered.

Slowly she pulled my shirt over my head. My tits were free for the ocean, the moon, for her.

"Tess, your skin is absolutely radiant in the moonlight."

Her hands reached for my shorts. They dropped to my ankles.

"Baby, sit down."

I stepped out of my shorts and eased my way onto the sand. It felt gritty beneath my ass. I began to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"I should have brought a towel."

Diane sat down next to me laughing. “What's the matter, afraid to get a little dirty?"

I pulled her on top of me. “Not with you."

She placed her warm lips on top of mine. Her hand slid up and down the side of my body. After a few minutes I pulled away.

"Aren't you going to take your clothes off?"

She smiled. “Oh, I will. Let me play with you for a while."

Straddling my body, her hands reached out, pushing my tits together. She began to tweak my nipples, making sure they remained pointed. Her plush lips surrounded my nipple. Gently she began to suck. I looked up at the sky where the stars twinkled down on us.

Diane sat back up and removed her shirt. “Take my bra off for me."

I unfastened the lacy fabric releasing her ample tits to my view, touch and taste. She leaned in and gave me a sample. I sucked long and hard on each tit. Her nipples bobbed in and out of my mouth like a fishing line being nibbled on by a hungry fish.

"That's it baby. Keep sucking them for me."

The tranquility of the ocean and Diane began to bring me into another world, a world full of passion and love.

After a few minutes she pulled away and stood. While I watched, she dropped her shorts onto the sand. I could see her wants glistening. She began to sit back down when I stopped her.

"Wait."

I got on my knees, inches from her steaming pool. I looked up. The moonlight danced across her face. Her expression was of intense need for my mouth. Without any more hesitation I began to lick her burning labia. Her taste was delicious.

My fingers found her wet hole. I plunged two of them inside her, exploring her own little ocean. She ran her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer into her pussy. I couldn't stop, and I knew she didn't want me to.

I could feel the spray of the ocean across my thighs, her moans becoming louder, and my concentration now on her clit.

Diane came as the waves crashed in. I lapped all of her sweet juices. She dropped to her knees still panting. Our hearts were rapidly beating to the same drum. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight, not wanting to let go.

She caressed my back, her breathing becoming steadier.

Once she had regained her composure she held out her hand and pulled me up.

"Come with me."

We walked to where the ocean waves came in.

"Diane, what are you doing?"

"Trust me."

She kneeled down in the sopping sand. “Are you planning on joining me?"

I did. Her hands pushed me back. I could feel the sand and water mixing with my hair.

"You did say you would get dirty with me. How's this for dirty?"

"Diane, where do you come up with these ideas?"

She didn't answer. Instead she directed her attention to my slippery cunt. She wasted no time placing her mouth on my hardened clit. Sucking, licking, nibbling, all of it was accomplished.

Her fingers easily slid into me. Each time the waves came in, water surrounded our bodies. I don't know what was more wet, my pussy or the ocean itself. I closed my eyes and felt her every move.

The water, the wetness, her mouth, her tongue, my rock-like clit, my hard nipples. All exposed for the ocean, for the night's sky.

Faster and faster her fingers went inside me.

Waves.

My fiery core opened wide.

Stars.

Faster and faster.

Waves crashing, stars twinkling, wetness coming.

I came.

Diane pulled my legs further apart, sliding in between them, she pressed her womanhood against mine, our ardor shining for the heavens above.

She placed light kisses all over my face. I put my hands on her round ass, gently squeezing. Moments passed, the water still drenching us, among other things.

"Diane, how long do you think we have been out here?"

"I don't know. Does it matter?"

For one split second it didn't matter, but then reality began to sink in. What had I been thinking? I left my sleeping kids with a bunch of drunken idiots.

"Tess, are you okay?"

I began to cry.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I blurted it out. “Do you think I'm a bad mother?"

She climbed off me and stood. “Come here."

I joined her. Her hands grasped my face. “You're not a bad mother. Don't ever think that!"

"Do you think I'm selfish?"

She took my hand and led me away from the water. I knew we both had to look like a pair of shipwrecked survivors. Sand covered our bodies. I did feel dirty, but in more ways than one.

We stopped a few feet from the water. I looked into Diane's eyes. I could tell she was upset with my questions.

"Tess, I want you to stop all of this nonsense! Has Kirk been accusing you of these things?"

"God, no. I just..."

"You just what? What I see is you keep making excuses, you keep calling me when Kirk acts like a total ass! How long is this going to continue? What, are you just going to keep things up? Fucking your husband, not fucking? His drinking, not drinking? You need to tell me the truth now!"

I was shocked. We had just experienced a beautiful moment and now my love was letting me have it.

"Damn it, Tess! What more do you want from me? I want you to be mine, to be in my life, to help you take care of your children. Please stop all this guilt shit! You know who you are and what you want! Do it!"

Tears slid down my face. She was right. My heart was pounding. Everything was building up, ready to explode across the ocean. I glanced up at her then took off running toward the water. I wanted to feel it envelop me, to take away all the frustration, the lies, and the truth. I needed to feel alive again.

I could hear Diane yelling, asking what I was doing. I knew she would eventually follow once she realized I wasn't planning on stopping.

Flashes of my kids, my husband, my parents scattered through my mind. Once knee deep in the water I dove in. My ears filled with water, bubbles popping up all around me. I swam and I kept swimming as far as my body would go.

For one split second I didn't care if I lived or died. I didn't care if I drowned or some lucky shark took me under and carried me away to another land. For that split second, I didn't care. Selfish?

"Are you crazy?"

Diane had swum out to where I was. I treaded in the deep water looking up at the sky. The dark sky with hopeful stars attempting to break through the angry storm clouds that were rolling in.

"Tess?"

"Diane, it's going to storm."

"What?"

I looked at my lover. “It's going to storm. Almost comical to me."

"Tess, let's swim back in."

"No, not yet."

She wrapped one arm around me. We bobbed up and down in the water. Distant thunder began to roll around us.

"Kirk once told me sometimes the ocean reminded him of me. How calm and loving I can be. Then on the other hand how he felt like he didn't know me at all."

Tears filled Diane's eyes.

"Do you feel that way about me? Diane, do you really know me?"

Thunder boomed above us, the waves becoming angrier.

"Tess, please. Let's swim back to shore."

"Okay."

We both swam. Diane stayed a bit behind me. I knew she was making sure I was safe. Once we reached the shore she quickly grabbed me.

"Don't ever fucking scare me like that again!"

"I'm sorry."

I began to gather my clothes. I felt her lightly touch my shoulder.

"Tess."

I turned to my soul mate.

"Yes."

Her hand caressed my face. “I know you."

We both dressed and walked back to the house just like we had left ... in silence. We climbed the steps. The guys were still up, hollering over another game. I dreaded walking in, but I knew there was no way out of it.

"So..."

Kirk stopped his drunken stupor. “Damn, what happened? Go swimming?"

"Yeah."

I looked down. The trash bag I had left for him to put the empty beer cans laid flat on the floor. Cans were thrown everywhere.

I kept my temper down. I kept all my emotions down.

"Kirk, before you come to bed, please clean your mess."

"Sure, babe."

Diane and I walked upstairs. Our first stop was to make sure the kids were okay. As usual, they were sound asleep. I felt a bit of my guilt slide away.

I led her into the guest bathroom and handed her a towel.

"Tess, are you okay?"

I sighed. “I'm so sorry for earlier. I'm going to end it... I have no choice. You're right, this can't keep on."

"I know it's going to be hard. Whatever you need, just tell me."

Thunder and now lightning rolled and flashed. I looked into Diane's soft, concerned eyes.

"Nature is opposite."

She smiled. “What do you mean?"

"Storm before the calmness."

Diane gave me a puzzled look. “I thought it was calmness before the storm?"

"It is, that's why this is the opposite.

I left Diane to take a shower. I wanted so much to join her, but that would really being pushing it. I gave her a kiss, a pair of my shorts and t-shirt. I took her clothes downstairs to wash and dry. Walking through the kitchen I pushed the laundry room door open with my foot.

Seconds later I felt a soft kiss on the back of my neck, a hardness poking up against my ass.

"Take it your sports time is over?"

His warm stale breath surrounded my ear and nostrils.

"Babe, why do you think I purchased the sports package? Earlier game we missed is coming on in a few."

I glanced at the clock. It was a little after 11.

"Well, I guess it's Christmas time for all of you. Have you forgotten we have a cookout tomorrow?"

I slammed the lid to the washer. Quickly he turned me around, his hardened cock rubbing up against my shorts-covered clit.

His beer-infested mouth met mine. I tried to push him away but my arms were pinned down. His strength too much for me to battle. I wasn't scared, I was pissed.

"Tess, where do you want..."

Kirk pulled away. Diane stood in the entrance of the kitchen. I could see the sadness in her eyes. He kissed me on the cheek and walked back into the living room.

"I just wanted to know where you wanted me to put the towel."

"Diane, I'm so sorry. I tried to push him away."

"No need to explain."

I walked up to her and took the damp towel from her hands.

"You believe me, don't you?"

She managed to release a slight smile. “Of course I do."

The men hollered in the other room. I shook my head.

"Tess, when are you going to tell him?"

Lightly I touched her face. “Soon."

CHAPTER EIGHT

I walked Diane out to her car. The storm would be hitting soon. A bolt of lightning flashed across the dark sky.

"It's getting close."

I pulled her to me, playing stupid. “What's getting close?"

Lightly she kissed my lips. “You're being awfully risky."

"Maybe I am."

"Tess, are you going to be okay?"

I laughed. “I'll be fine. See you tomorrow around noon?"

"Yep."

We kissed and I watched her drive away. Those driving away days were numbered. I smiled and walked into the house.

"Go motherfuckers! Go!"

I rolled my eyes and walked into the living room. I was happy to see he had picked up all the scattered cans.

"Diane leave?"

"Yes."

"Wanna watch the rest of the game with us? You can sit right here.” He patted his lap.

"No."

He didn't seem surprised by my answer.

"The guys are going to spend the night. Is it okay with you?"

"Of course."

I wondered what would've happened if I told him it wasn't okay?

I walked out of the room and headed upstairs. I had no choice but to sleep in our bedroom.

After my shower, I instantly fell into a deep sleep. I was physically and mentally exhausted. Dreams began to flow through my mind and body, dreams of making love to Diane.

I could feel her hot breath on my neck, her fingers twisting my erect nipples. I writhed my hips, wanting more, needing more. Soft moans escaped my lips while her mouth circled around my nipples, gently sucking, lightly nibbling. She gave equal attention to both, pushing them together for easier access.

Diane slid down to my sopping pussy. Her fingers pulled apart my lips, lapping up all of my love. Three of her fingers slid inside me while her thumb rubbed my clit.

"I can't believe you're wet."

I jolted in my sleep, sitting up quickly in bed. My eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room and saw Kirk hovering over my pussy.

"Get off me!"

He laughed. “Are you sure?"

"You son of a bitch! Don't you ever do that to me again!"

He climbed off still laughing. “Well, at least I know now I can still get you wet."

I wanted to scream at him! I wanted to tell him I had been having a wet dream about Diane and that we fucked each other on a regular basis! I wanted to tell him she made me come and the wetness belonged to her!

Now was not the time. He had to be sober. I climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. Placing a washcloth under the water I lathered it up. I wiped away my wetness and his taste.

The sun was shining brightly through the blinds. I was surprised to find Kirk out of bed considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed. I put the requested red bikini on for Diane and a wrap around my waist. Walking downstairs I could hear the drone of the television.

"Good morning you two."

They didn't look away from the dancing cartoon character. “Morning, Mommy."

Taylor giggled. Tyler spoke up. “Daddy told us to tell you he went for a jog."

"Have you two had breakfast?"

"Yes, Daddy made us cereal."

I left the kids to enjoy their typical Saturday morning.

I sat at the kitchen table with my steaming cup of coffee and the newspaper. The front door opened, Kirk came walking into the kitchen panting, sweat dripping off his forehead.

"Hey.” He walked over and kissed me on the cheek.

"I'm shocked you even felt like jogging today."

He opened the fridge and took out bottled water. “It was either jog, or feel like crap the rest of the day. Tess, I'm sorry about last night in bed. You just looked so damn sexy."

"Whatever."

He sighed. “Did the kids tell you?"

"Yes, they told me where you went."

Kirk took a long sip of water. “No, not that. Your Mom called. She wants the kids to spend the night."

"I thought they were excited about the cookout?"

He grinned. “Well, they were until she agreed to take them to Chuckie Cheese."

"Kirk, you know how I feel about them eating junk food."

"Damn it, Tess, let them live a little would ya? I don't think one day of eating junk food is going to kill them!"

I sighed. “You're right."

He put his hand up to his ear. “What's that? My wife admits I'm right for a change!"

I began to laugh. He put his hand over his heart. “This can't be happening! My wife is actually laughing!"

"Kirk, stop!"

He began to walk out of the room repeating over and over like a little kid. “I was right and made you laugh... I was right and made you laugh."

I ran my fingers through my hair. I guess now wouldn't be a good time to tell him I was in love with someone else. When would it be?

"How are the both of you?"

My parents had arrived. I hugged them both while the kids jumped up and down. Kirk was beginning to pull out the meats and vegetables I had prepared for the cookout.

"We're fine. You're father's garden is out of control. We have tons of fresh veggies in the backseat.” She turned to Kirk. “Would you mind? You know how Jim's back is."

Kirk smiled. “No sweat.” He left to pick up the fresh produce.

Both kids screamed. “Chuckie Cheese! We're going to Chuckie Cheese!"

I began to laugh. “Yes. Why don't you two go upstairs and get your backpacks out."

They both ran, their little feet pounding up the stairs.

"Sweetie, you look tired. Are you feeling okay?"

"Mom, I'm fine. You of all people know what it's like to take care of a family."

My father wrapped his arms around my mother. “Yes she does."

After all these years their love for each other was still pure and fresh.

Kirk walked into the kitchen with a large box of mixed vegetables. “Jim, your garden must be booming."

"Oh, it is."

The two men began to chat about gardening. Mom came over and touched my arm. “Are you sure everything is okay?"

"Yes. Stop worrying about me."

I managed to assure my mother I was fine, but I had a feeling deep down inside she knew I wasn't.

"Lois, are we about ready to go?"

The kids were all set for their adventure with my parents. I walked them out while Kirk went out on the deck to light the grill. My mother hugged me the tightest she ever had, her dark stern eyes looking into mine.

"If you need anything you let me know."

"I will."

I watched them drive off, my angelic kids waving with huge smiles on their faces. Hooray for frickin’ Chuckie.

I checked myself in the mirror. Guests would be arriving soon, most importantly Diane. Yes, Diane with Carol. Deep down I completely trusted her, but the thought of another woman didn't settle well. I understood they were just friends, but I guess my jealous side was coming out.

With the kids gone for the day and evening I opened up a bottle of wine. Kirk walked in.

"Getting started early?"

I pulled a glass down from the bar. “You should know."

"Tess, please! This is supposed to be a fun day. Can we keep the smart ass remarks to a minimum?"

I looked over at him. “Want a beer?"

He smiled. “Yeah babe, I would love one."

I grabbed a beer and twisted off the top, flipping it in the trash. “Here."

Kirk walked up taking the cold brew from my hand. “Thanks. Have I told you how fine you look today?"

I took a sip of my wine. “No."

"Tess, you really are beautiful. I love it when you wear the red bikini."

Another sip of wine entered my body. “You do?"

"Hell yes! I love it when you wear the red one, black one, the polka dot one!"

I laughed. “I don't own a polka dot one!"

He took a swig of his beer. “Well, if you did, I would love it!"

Why did he have to be so charming?

"Tess, you know I love you, don't you?"

My heart sank. When he was being an asshole it was so easy for me to think of ways to tell him about Diane and me, but when he acted this way it only made my heart break.

"I know you do."

God, let the doorbell ring before this discussion goes any further.

"Do you..."

The doorbell rang. I topped off my wine while Kirk left to answer the door.

Thank you, God.

It was Mark and Bill. I should have known they would be the first to arrive.

"Hey, Tess."

"Mark, Bill, glad you could make it."

Mark opened a beer. “Hell, we wouldn't miss this big party!"

"Mark, I thought Cindy would be with you."

"My wife is upstate visiting her sister. She told me to tell you hello."

I wasn't really close with any of Kirk's friends, or their wives. I just played the perfect wife in front of them.

A few more of Kirk's colleagues arrived. Graciously I greeted them. An hour had passed and I had already indulged in three glasses of wine. I began to wonder where Diane was. I could feel my jealous side coming out strongly, the wine directing this path.

Finally the doorbell rang. I heard Kirk greet Diane and Carol. “Glad you could come. Tess is in the living room."

I took a long swallow of wine. I watched the entrance hall, waiting to see how hot this Carol bitch was. They walked in, all smiles. I glanced at Diane then directed my attention to Carol.

She was tall with long blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. Great, a fucking Barbie doll!

Kirk walked out on the deck, the smell of steaks and fish filling the air. Diane walked up giving me a hug.

"Tess, I'd like you to meet my friend Carol."

Carol held out her slender manicured hand. “Hi, I've heard so much about you."

"Nice to meet you. I'm afraid I know nothing about you."

Carol's face flushed. Diane stood back. Kirk interrupted us.

"Are you ladies going to join the group or huddle in here all afternoon?"

I picked up my glass of wine and began to walk out. Before I made it to the door I turned back and looked at both of the women.

"The bar is open, help yourselves."

Why was I being so cold? The alcohol wasn't helping me, but I didn't like to see my lover next to a beautiful woman. I needed to regain my composure. Diane didn't deserve this kind of treatment. Hell, neither did Carol.

It was a perfect day outside. The waves danced happily while the cheer of all echoed through our home. Shortly after leaving the living room, Diane and Carol walked out. I could feel Diane's eyes on me, but I refused to look at her. I was afraid to look at her.

I chatted with the other guests. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my lover and her friend chatting with Kirk.

A hole in my heart was being consumed by alcohol. Funny, no different than Kirk's indulgence, except mine wasn't around our children.

"Okay, come and get it!” Kirk placed trays of meat and vegetables on the table. I sat down. Diane and Carol sat across from me.

I picked at my food. I wasn't hungry. I knew I should eat, but all I cared about was drinking.

"Honey, is everything okay?"

I looked at Diane, but it wasn't she who asked.

"Yes, Kirk."

He put his arm on my shoulder and lightly kissed my cheek.

"I think my wife is in a party mood today."

Everyone laughed, but Diane. She stared at me intently. The guests around the table seemed to have their own conversations going. Chatting about their kids, work and vacations.

"Tess, where are Taylor and Tyler?"

I watched Diane, wanting to reach across the table and hold her hand. “They're with Mom and Dad for the evening."

Carol chirped in. “I was hoping to get to meet them. Diane talks about your children all the time."

How much had Diane told Carol? Did Carol know about us? She knew we had to be careful.

The afternoon went on, and the alcohol continued to flow freely among our guests. I excused myself and headed for the hall bathroom. I looked at my image in the mirror. My eyes were already blood shot. I felt a little dizzy, but I knew I could handle it.

A few seconds passed by when I heard a light knock at the door.

"Are you okay?"

I opened the door and pulled Diane in.

"I'm fine."

She wrapped her arms around me. “I don't think you're telling me the entire truth. It's Carol being here, isn't it?"

I lied. “No."

Gently, she placed the tips of her fingers under my chin, bringing my eyes to hers. “Yes, it is."

"Damn it, Diane. I'm sorry."

She laughed. “Baby, it's okay. She is just a long time friend of mine, that's all. She knows I love you."

My eyes widened. “You told her about us?"

"Yes. Trust me, she isn't going to tell anyone."

"Are you absolutely positive about that?"

Diane placed a tender kiss on my lips. “Absolutely positive."

I smiled. “Okay. I guess we better get back out."

I kissed her and turned to walk out. Her hand reached and pulled me back.

"Not so fast."

"What?"

"Thanks for wearing the red bikini.” She traced the outline of my nipples that had hardened from her kiss.

"Stop! I can't go outside with my nipples excited!"

We both laughed.

The sun was beginning to set. A few guests had left. I chatted with Diane and Carol. Carol looked out at the ocean.

"Hey, let's go take a swim. It would be so refreshing."

I shrugged my shoulders. “Okay."

We walked down the stairs and Kirk leaned over.

"Where are you ladies going?"

We kept walking as I yelled over my shoulder. “For a swim!"

"What, us guys can't go?"

"It's a women's only swim!"

I heard him laughing and telling his buddies. “I bet they're going skinny dipping."

The men all applauded and hollered. I shook my head. Hard to believe most of these men graduated from Harvard.

We chatted happily while we walked down the beach, getting as far away from the men as possible. Once in a desirable area we entered the inviting water, swimming out a bit then treading. The ocean seemed to agree with taking away some of my wine buzz.

"Tess, you have such a beautiful home."

"Thanks, Carol."

"Do you think you'll get it in the divorce?"

"Carol!"

"What Diane? I'm curious."

I was shocked. Awfully brave of her to ask, not to mention damn nosey!

"Carol, I don't want the house. When Diane and I are together I want it to be in a place of our own."

"I see. When are you going to tell Kirk?"

Diane splashed water in Carol's face.

"Oh come on! We all know what's going on."

"Carol, why are you so curious about my situation? I really don't think it's any of your fucking business."

"Okay... okay. Sorry."

I didn't care if Carol was Diane's good friend. I didn't like her and this time it wasn't a jealousy issue.

"Tell me Carol, are you a lesbian?"

Diane grinned at me. She knew I was getting ticked off. It didn't seem to bother Carol, which pissed me off even more.

"I'm bi."

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"No. I don't have time for relationships. I just like to fuck."

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Devilishly I grinned. “Oh nothing."

We stayed in the ocean for a little under an hour. By the time we made it back, the men had built a bonfire and Kirk had brought a cooler on the beach.

"There's my sexy woman."

He walked up to me and placed his hands on my waist.

"Kirk, I'm wet and I want to go change."

"You're wet? Kinda like last night."

I pushed him away. I turned and saw Diane's expression. She had heard what he said.

"Let's get cleaned up, girls."

Inside I handed towels to Diane and Carol.

"Carol, would you like to rinse off?"

I was attempting to get her away from Diane so I could explain what had happened last night.

"Sure."

I led her to the hall bathroom. I walked back into the living room and Diane was gone. I heard the shower upstairs in the guest bathroom turn on. Quickly, I ran up the stairs. I turned the knob. Locked!

I knocked. “Diane, please let me in. I need to talk to you."

"I'll be down in a minute."

"Diane, please."

"I said I'd be down in a minute!"

I felt a lump in my throat. I wanted to cry. She had to know the truth.

Slowly I walked down the stairs. Carol standing at the foot.

"Did you already take your shower?"

Her blue eyes were piercing. “No. I wanted to talk to you alone."

Funny, exactly what I wanted with Diane.

"About what?"

"Oh, I think you know."

"Diane?"

"Yes. Look, I'll cut to the chase. I want you to end it with her until you're divorced."

I laughed. “Who the hell do you think you are? My relationship with Diane is none of your damn business!"

"Tess, yes it is. This is tearing her apart. I don't allow anyone to fuck with my friends."

"I'm not fucking with Diane. I love her and she loves me."

"I have no doubt in my mind she loves you, but your love for her has a certain lack of desire."

I placed my hands on my hip. “Carol, I really think you're stepping way out of line. You're in my house, as my guest. I suggest you mind your own business and get the fuck out of my face!"

"End it, or you'll regret."

I walked up to her, inches from her Barbie doll face. “What's that supposed to mean? Are you threatening me?"

She smiled. “I would really hate for Kirk to find out what you've been doing behind his back."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

Before I knew it, my clenched fist shot out and slammed right into Carol's jaw. She stumbled back, her hands reaching out to stop her fall. Blood spilled from her mouth.

"Holy shit! What the hell is going on?” I looked up to see Kirk standing in the doorway.

"Tess?"

I turned around and saw Diane staring at me. My heart raced. How was I going to explain my actions?

Carol regained her balance, smiling. “I'll tell you exactly what's going on."

CHAPTER NINE

Diane raced over to Carol.

"Are you okay?"

Kirk walked up to me. “Cat fight going on this evening?"

I glared at Carol. Our eyes met, locking on each other.

Diane spoke up. “I think some of us have had a bit too much alcohol."

"Baby, you okay?” Kirk wrapped his arms around me.

I felt like knocking the shit out of everyone! I didn't accept threats, but the mature side of myself calmed down.

I turned to him. His bloodshot blue eyes staring into mine. “I'm fine. In fact we're all fine."

"Well, what the fuck happened?"

I looked at my husband then back to Carol. “Just a misunderstanding."

Kirk glanced at Carol then laughed. He was drunk. “Look, you gals get along. If you don't I'm going to start making bets with my buds on a midnight mud wrestling match!"

He kissed my cheek and left. This was one time I was glad he had more than enough alcohol in his system.

Diane shoved Carol. “What the fuck is going on?"

"I'm looking out for you! God, wake up Diane! Tess can't make up her mind! She is stringing you and Kirk along for her own selfish reasons!"

Diane looked at me. I could tell she believed some of what Carol was saying. Hell, I would too. I was selfish, but I was also feeling extremely scared.

From somewhere inside me I found my voice. “Carol, I will respect that you care about Diane and her well being, I, however, don't agree with you coming into my home and threatening me."

Calmly she walked up to me, her face inches from mine. “Tess, you have one week to tell Kirk about Diane and you, or I will. Plain and simple!"

Diane pulled her away. “Carol, stop!"

"No, I won't. I don't care if this destroys our friendship, you deserve better!"

I watched while she stormed out the front door. Diane turned to me.

"Tess, I need to go."

I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Please don't."

Her eyes filled with tears. “I love you, baby, but I can't allow her to walk the streets this intoxicated."

"Diane, I love you, I'm sorry."

She touched my face. “I know."

I watched my lover follow the same trail my enemy had. Was she really an enemy? All she was doing was protecting a friend... all I was doing was delaying and hiding behind reality.

I didn't want to walk back out to the remaining guests, but I knew I had no choice. Kirk pulled me to his lap. I could feel his hard cock. It couldn't happen tonight, and it wouldn't.

"I take it Diane and her gal left?"

I turned around in his lap. “Gal?"

Kirk laughed. “Hey, the guys and I have been talking. They're dykes! Nothing against it, in fact we damn well love it!"

All the men broke out into laughter. Right then and there I despised all men.

"Kirk, that's rude and cold."

He pinched my ass. “Come on, so they're lesbians, who cares?"

I had to get away from him. “You guys sit here and have your sexual fantasies, I think it's time for me to go to bed."

I stood, while Kirk continued to massage my ass. I felt the anger grow inside of me like a distending fire. The thought of Diane chasing after Carol was pissing me off more and more.

"You okay?"

I smiled down at my drunken husband. “I'm tired."

He seemed disappointed, but I didn't care.

"Okay."

I waved at the guys and left the deck. I wanted to forget about today.

I awoke the next morning. Kirk wasn't in bed. How the hell did he manage these morning jogs?

I walked down the stairs, the house quiet. My head was throbbing. I needed a relaxing day.

Coffee had been made. I poured a cup and graciously took a sip. The front door opened. I expected to see a sweaty Kirk walking in, instead I saw my mother.

She stomped toward me.

"Mom, shouldn't ya'll be in church?"

Her eyes were blazed. “Yes, I should! Your father and your kids are there now, but I couldn't stay!"

"What's going on?"

She grabbed my wrists. “Why don't you tell me?"

"Mom, what are you talking about?"

"Connie said she saw you at Charlie's!"

I felt my heart begin to race, but I kept my composure, half afraid of what was coming next.

"Who's Connie?"

"You know who she is! She's our neighbor!"

"Please calm down, and stop yelling. I already have a headache."

She let go of my wrists and sat at the kitchen table shaking her head.

Walking over I sat next to her.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

Deep down I knew what was wrong, and if I could have crawled under a rock, I would.

"Connie said she saw you... she said she saw you kissing a woman. Tell me it's not true."

Her hands were shaking. I didn't know what to say. Should I lie?

"Tess?"

I looked into my mother's eyes. She began to cry.

"My God, it's true. How... why? I knew something wasn't right."

"Mom, I love her."

"What!"

"I do. I've been living my life the way Dad and you expected me to. I knew you'd never approve of me being a lesbian."

She seemed more confused than angry. I couldn't believe I was finally admitting this to her. After all these years, I was telling my mother who I truly was. I felt a wash of relief, but I also felt an extreme amount of pain.

"You're a lesbian? You mean this isn't just a fling?"

I began to cry along with her. “No, I'm so sorry for keeping this from you. I was scared."

"Tess, what about Kirk?"

"Mom, I want a divorce. I have to tell him."

She shook her head. “I can't believe this is happening. I always thought the two of you were the perfect couple."

"It's no where near perfect, Mom. I know he's a wonderful man, but I can't keep living this lie. It's tearing me apart."

"This is wrong. It's a sin. You'll go to hell for being with another woman!"

"I don't believe that"

"Where did we go wrong with you? I'm so ashamed."

Those words felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on me. They were crushing.

She stood. “I need to leave. Your father will drop the kids off. My God, the kids! They're going to be heartbroken. How am I going to explain this to your father?"

"Mom, I know this is shocking, but please tell me you won't abandon me."

Tears flowed down her face. “I can't tell you anything right now."

I ran up the stairs panicking. The truth was slowly coming out. Well, actually it was being forced out. My mother knew, and soon my father would. I had to tell Kirk, and soon.

I picked up the phone and called Diane. It rang several times, no answer. What if she was with Carol? No, she wouldn't do that to me. Would she? My mind was racing! I needed to calm down!

I decided to leave her a message. I needed to hear her voice. I was in need of comfort.

"Diane, it's me. I don't know what to do. My mother knows. Please return my call. I'm so damn scared."

My trembling hand placed the phone down on the cradle. God, I felt like a little kid. This was ridiculous!

I heard the door open downstairs. Quickly I walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I knew it was Kirk back from his jog. I couldn't face him right now. I needed time to regroup.

I rubbed my tense shoulders. Knowing I had a bit of time before the kids would be home, I decided to take a long soak, praying Kirk wouldn't come into the bathroom.

Once undressed, I slipped into the tub. The bubbles surrounded my body and took me away, if only for the moment. I took a wet washcloth and placed it over my eyes. You need to relax, I told myself. It's not so terrible. Now that it's in the open, I can move on. Just have to get through this and everything will be fine.

I heard a knock at the door. “Tess, you okay?"

"Yes Kirk, I just want to relax."

"Alright, I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

Good, he hadn't come in. I did need something, just not anything he had to offer.

I remained in the tub until the water cooled. My head was pounding and I was beginning to feel nauseated. I knew the alcohol had some blame, but I also knew the stress wasn't helping.

"Honey, you don't look so well."

I picked up my coffee mug and refilled it.

"I don't feel well."

"Look, why don't you let me take care of the kids today, and you can get some rest."

"Kirk, I think I can handle it."

He sighed. “When are your parents bringing them home?"

I took a sip of my coffee. “I assume after they take them out to lunch."

My stomach was churning, my face burning up.

I sat at the kitchen table rubbing my head. A few minutes later I heard a car pull up. My heart raced. Was there a possibility Mom had already told Dad? God, please no. Why hadn't Diane returned my phone call?

CHAPTER TEN

The kids running in and screaming was something I didn't need. I felt like my head was going to explode. I kissed both of them and attempted to pay attention to all their fun-filled afternoon at Chuckie Cheese.

My father came in smiling. Okay, if he was smiling, that was a sign he had no idea. He looked at me.

"Tess, are you feeling okay?"

I shook my head.

"Jim, I told her I would take care of the kids. She needs to go to bed."

"I agree with Kirk."

I was beginning to feel extremely sick. I gave in.

"You're right. I'm going to lie down."

I stood. My father walked over and kissed my forehead.

"Feel better."

When Mom told him, I wondered if he would be as caring?

Before I made it to the comfort of the bed, I ran to the bathroom. I threw up the morning coffee. My entire body was burning up, sweat dripping off every inch. I pulled off all my clothes and crawled into bed. The coolness from the sheets was refreshing, but only for a few seconds.

I felt useless and alone. I wanted to disappear away from the sickness, my family and even Diane.

I tossed and turned, my head spinning, and not just because of the previous night's alcohol intake. A tightening in my stomach and a cold sweat began to invade my body. Call me Diane. Please call me.

Finally I fell into a restless sleep. The nightmares began.

I saw Kirk sitting on a bench, his hands covering his face. I could hear him sobbing uncontrollably.

"Why did Tess do this to me? I gave her everything I could."

Walking up, I placed my hand on his shoulder and he looked up at me. His face streaked with tears.

"Kirk, I never meant to hurt you."

His image slowly dissolved.

"You're a sinner! How could you do this to our family? It's a disgrace! You're not our daughter!"

I sat at the kitchen table, my parents glaring at me. I tried to speak, but I had no voice.

My mother began to cry, my father shook his hand in front of me.

"Get the hell out of our lives!"

I watched while they slowly disappeared.

"Tess? Tess, wake up."

Quickly I jumped up in bed. Diane sat at the edge touching my forehead.

"Baby, are you okay? You are drenched with sweat."

I looked around the room. “Where's Kirk?"

"He took the kids for a walk on the beach. He told me you were in bed not feeling well. I had to check on you."

"Did you get my message?"

"Yes, sweetie, I'm worried. I shouldn't have pressured you to kiss me."

"Diane, you didn't pressure me. In a way I'm glad my mom found out. There's no turning back now."

Gently she stroked the sides of my face.

"Tess, it's going to be okay. I know this is the beginning of a long battle, but realize I'm right next to you."

"I needed to hear that."

She leaned down and softly kissed my lips.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No. I already feel better with you here."

She continued to stroke my face.

"How's Carol?"

Diane sighed. “Well, she has a bruise and I'm afraid she isn't backing down on telling Kirk. Tess, please know I tried everything I could to change her mind, but she's sticking with the one week deal."

Tears began to gather around the corner of her eyes.

"It's okay. Maybe it's for the best. No more excuses for me."

"I just feel so damn bad. I never wanted to force you. I know it's a critical situation, but sometimes it's so hard not to be able to be around you like I want to."

I touched her hand. “I'm sorry."

I was sorry. I never wanted to hurt Diane or Kirk, and deep down I knew Carol was right.

I heard the kids running around downstairs. Diane had left a few minutes ago and I agreed to come over to her place in the morning.

Kirk walked into the bedroom with a teacup in his hand.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Better, thanks."

"I made you some green tea."

I took the cup and sipped.

"Guess my little party girl can't handle the heavy drinking like in college."

I shook my head. “I believe my party days are over."

He laughed.

I stared at my husband. He ran his fingers through his tousled hair.

"Kirk?"

"What?"

"Are you happy? I mean, are you really happy?"

His smile faded.

"Why wouldn't I be? I have a beautiful wife and two great kids. We don't have to worry about money, and we live in paradise. Why do you ask?"

I could tell him right now. It might not be the perfect time, but I could let it all out.

"I guess I just wanted to know."

He sat on the edge of the bed, devilishly smiling down at me.

"Well, I would prefer a little more bed action."

"I'm sorry, I really am."

He laughed. “Don't be. I'll admit I've read some of your women's magazines. I saw an article on sex in a marriage. Sometimes women go through this phase. Either that, or they're having an affair."

My heart raced.

"Tess, who's the lucky guy?"

"What?"

His laughter filled the room.

"I'm messing with you."

I didn't find any amusement, but then again, it was true... except for the guy part.

The phone rang. Kirk leaned over and picked up the receiver.

"Hello."

I watched him while he chatted away. Work related. He hung up the phone.

"Sorry, but I need to run to the office."

"On a Sunday?"

"Mark can't get into the computer. He probably fucked it up again. I won't be gone long."

Kirk leaned down and kissed me on my forehead. He walked out of the bedroom. I guess that was my cue to get my ass out of bed and take care of the kids.

The kids were extremely hyper, running around the couch playing tag.

"Hey you two, settle down."

Both of them stopped and looked at me.

"Mommy, are you feeling better?"

"Yes, Tyler."

I walked into the kitchen and began to prepare dinner. I thought about my mother and her facial expression when I confided that I was a lesbian. Maybe I should call her? Part of me didn't want to, but I felt the strong need for us to speak.

My hand shook as I held the phone. My father answered. Did he know now?

"Hey Dad."

"Tess, are you feeling better?"

Okay, he didn't.

"Yes. Can I speak to Mom for a minute?"

"Sure, hon."

My heart was rapidly beating.

"Hello."

"Mom, you haven't told Dad.” Silence. “Mom, please talk to me."

"No, I think you are going to be the one who tells him."

I felt the tightening of my stomach.

"Okay, I will. How are you?"

"Tess, I'm really tired."

"Mom..."

There was a click. She had hung up on me. Now not only did I have to tell Kirk, but I had to tell my father.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The kids were in bed and it was getting late. Kirk still hadn't returned home from work. I was glad. It gave me time to myself.

I didn't know if I should tell my father first, or Kirk. I hadn't even thought about what Kirk's parents were going to think. At least it wouldn't be my responsibility telling them. At least that's the way I felt about it.

I climbed into bed. I really wanted to sleep in the guestroom, but Kirk would find it odd if I did. We weren't fighting, and I wanted to keep the peace for now.

I had no problem falling asleep. The day had been hectic, and I was drained of energy. A few hours later I woke up to the sound of the shower running. I looked over at the clock. It was a little after two in the morning.

Minutes later Kirk walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around him.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"I thought you said it wasn't going to take long."

He opened the dresser and pulled out a pair of boxers.

"Mark really fucked up the computer. How are you feeling?"

I rolled over on my side, closing my eyes.

"Better."

The morning came too soon. I still felt tired, but I was looking forward to spending time with Diane.

Kirk left early for work, and the kids were off to school. I opened my closet door and pushed my clothes to the side. I reached for a white box. Opening it up, I pulled out the special, two-piece lingerie I had recently purchased to wear for Diane.

I put it on, staring at myself in the full-length mirror. The ache and wetness were already escaping. I knew I should be concentrating on how and when the secret would be out, but I needed a few hours away from all the stress.

I wore the sexy lingerie underneath my jeans and t-shirt, a nice little surprise for my lover.

"How are you feeling, baby?"

I walked in. “Much better."

She closed the door then gathered me in her arms.

"Have you decided when..."

I put my fingers to her lips.

"Shhh... just for today, can we not talk about it?"

She smiled. “Okay."

Lightly I kissed her lips.

"Tess, you smell just as good as you taste. Honeysuckle fragrance, your sweet nectar between your legs."

I pulled back, staring into her dreamy brown eyes. “Diane, I have a surprise for you."

She laughed while playfully grabbing my ass. “You do?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"Follow me."

I led her into the bedroom and shoved her onto the bed. I was feeling extremely feisty. I had accumulated a lot of built up sexual tension, and Diane was going to be my release.

Slowly, I slid my jeans off, revealing the see through g-string, her eyes staring and wanting. Next, my shirt came off, exposing the matching low cut material, fitting tightly over my tits.

"I've never seen you in this before."

"I know. I bought it last week. They had it in black, but I was feeling devilish, so I decided on the red one. Be gentle, it's delicate."

She looked up at me. “Like you?"

"No, I'm not gentle right now."

I felt the urge to jump on top of her and rip off her clothes. I wanted to feel ravished. I needed this side of tension taken care of, now.

"Tess, you have made a very good choice. Turn around for me."

I modeled the “fuck me now” item. I felt her hands rub my ass cheeks.

"Bend over."

I bent over, knowing she could see the wetness, or my sweet nectar like she had said.

"God, you're so beautiful."

Her fingers traced the thin fabric between my ass that trailed to my lips and hood. “Get into bed."

I turned and climbed in. She stood and removed her clothes.

The sun filtered through the blinds, leaving natural heated rays across her gorgeous body. She got into bed, pressing up against me, softly kissing my face. Her fingers danced across my covered nipples.

"Tess, tell me your sexual secrets."

"Sexual secrets?"

Diane began to grab my tits, squishing them harder and harder. I flinched. Now, who was feeling feisty?

"Tell me something you've always wanted to do with me, but were afraid to ask."

I felt my face flush, my pussy becoming hotter, and wetter.

"Take a trip to the Bahamas?"

She didn't find it funny. Quickly her hand shot down to my crotch, and grabbed the fabric, pulling it. It slid between my lips, parting them as far as they would go. Sweat began to drip off my forehead. I thought I was the one who would be in control today. I was wrong.

"I don't know."

Diane pulled tighter. I could hear the flimsy g-string ripping.

"Yes, you do."

I did know. I just felt embarrassed to ask. We had experienced many sexual positions, but never filling all of me.

"Tell me, lover."

I hesitated.

"Tell me."

"I... I want you to take all of me."

"All of you?"

I took her hand and placed her fingers on my clit, then lifted my hips, allowing her fingers to rest against my other opening.

She smiled. “Stay right where you are."

I watched while she got out of bed and walked down the hallway. I heard the refrigerator open and close. The sound of ice clinking in a glass brought a chill to my body. A few seconds later she walked back into the bedroom, her tits bouncing with each step.

"Turn over."

I did as she instructed. I heard her footsteps walk to the end of the bed. With one swift move, she grabbed my hips, pulling me to her. A slight tug on the g-string and it ripped from my body.

"You want me to have all of you, then I will."

She placed an ice cube on my ass, slowly rotating in circles. The cold felt good, my body was ablaze.

"I'm going to get my baby all nice and wet."

One of her fingers teased my pussy hole.

"Doesn't look like this can get much wetter."

Her hands pulled my ass cheeks a part, giving her a full view of my tight anal hole. She slid the cube up and down my crack. I could feel it melting quickly. I rotated my hips, softly moaning.

"Does that feel good?"

I could barely murmur a ‘yes'.

I jumped as she slipped part of it into my hole, my ass clenching, refusing to let go until it had melted into a puddle. It didn't take long. She kept my cheeks open. I felt the warmth of her breath blowing up and down.

My breathing was becoming heavier. Her tongue began to lick and explore a place that had never been. Kirk had wanted to, but I never gave in.

She stuck it inside, as far as it would go. My hands grasped the sheets, loud moans escaping my lips.

"Don't move."

I heard her shuffle around and open a drawer. A few seconds later I heard snaps. I knew what she was putting on.

She placed her hands on my hips, pulling me up on my knees, hands planted firmly on the bed. I could feel the tip of the dildo playing with my pussy hole, lightly rimming then sliding up and down my slit.

"Tess, you're gonna get fucked."

I loved every second of this. We were both frustrated with everything that was going on, and this was a way for us to let go, if only for the moment.

My hands clenched the sheets, wanting her to shove it deep inside me. I wanted her to use my hole, to pound me hard. She seemed to sense my needs. No sooner had those thoughts crossed my mind, I felt her plunge it into my quivering snatch. I let out a groan.

Diane kept pulling me into her with each thrust. Faster and faster she pushed, I was on the brink of exploding into a rush of orgasms and stars, when she stopped, the dildo still inside me.

"Please don't."

"Please don't what?"

"Please... don't stop."

"Tess, it's way too early for you to come. I've only begun."

I whimpered.

Slowly she pulled out, leaving only the tip of the dildo inside me. She placed one finger between the crack of my ass, lightly touching my hole.

"Is this what you want?"

"God, yes."

"I'm sure it is. My baby is extremely horny right now. Tell me how horny you are."

She rotated the dildo around in my hole. Sloshing sounds escaped from each motion. I had never been this wet before. I couldn't speak.

"I'm waiting. Tell me now how horny you are or I pull out completely."

"No! Baby please don't!"

"Then tell me!"

"I'm extremely horny! I need you!"

With those words she slid the dildo in halfway, going in and out. She took her hand away from my crack and lubricated it with my own juices. The next thing I felt was the dildo sliding all the way in, her wet finger finding my anal hole again. I flinched from the first penetration, being filled with a new sensation. She filled me, tears of pleasure slid down my face.

Her breathing became heavier. I was panting. I could feel the orgasm building up. Faster she beat it into me, both my holes opening up for her. I came with full force, the dildo in as far as it would go, her finger opening my virgin hole.

She pulled her finger and the dildo out of me. I collapsed on the bed. She laid on top, her wet pussy rubbing up against my ass. Her hand brushed back my hair, exposing my neck. Light kisses were placed.

"My sweet baby."

Diane slid off me, lay by my side, gently running her fingers across my back. My breathing began to calm. I turned my head to her. She stared at me intently.

"Is that what you needed?"

"Yes."

She leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"Tess, you know I will give you anything you want."

"I know."

She wrapped her arms around and snuggled into me. I felt loved and sexually fulfilled.

This time I did shower at Diane's. I smelled of sex, and with Kirk's work schedule changing, I wasn't going to take any chances.

The entire ride home I thought about our new experience. We both were up for it, and I wondered what else we would do. I was wet all over again by the time I reached the house.

I sat in the living room flipping through the channels. I had to decide on the best day to tell Kirk. Should I do it during the week, or weekend? All I knew was I had to decide before Sunday.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the school bus outside. The kids were home, and it was time to get into mommy mode.

"Mommy, there's this boy in my class that's bothering me."

I placed their snacks down on the table.

"Taylor, how?"

"He keeps pinching my arm and telling me I'm his girlfriend."

Tyler eyed his sister.

"Have you told Mrs. James?

Taylor played with her snack. “No."

Tyler munched on his celery sticks. “I'd kick his ass."

My mouth dropped open. “Tyler! You know better than to use bad words! You also know not to hit anyone!"

Tyler pouted. “But Mommy, I've heard Daddy and you use bad words!"

"Sweetie, it doesn't make it right. Sometimes your Daddy and I forget too."

He seemed okay with what I said. He began to eat his celery, swinging his legs from the chair. I sat next to Taylor.

"Taylor, I'm going to call your teacher tomorrow, okay? What's his name?"

Her tiny mouth puckered, eyes saddened.

"Bobby."

"Do you know his last name?"

Tyler piped up. “Butthole! Bobby Butthole!"

It took everything in me not to laugh. Kids can sometimes make you forget your problems and just let it all out with the simplicity of laughter.

"Tyler!"

He bowed his head and continued with his snack. Taylor began to giggle.

I smiled. I loved them with every inch of my flesh.

"Taylor, do you know his last name?"

"No."

I leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

Her blue eyes looked up at mine. “Mommy, I hate boys! When I grow up, I'm going to move far, far away from them all."

I sat back in my chair. “I think you'll change your mind once you get older."

She shook her head. “I don't like them."

I sighed.

Kirk finally made it home that night, a few hours late. He complained about Mark fucking up the computer. Mark wasn't the smartest when it came to technology, but was brilliant in court.

I sat at the dining room table, sipping my coffee. The kids were asleep and Kirk was exhausted. He ate his dinner in his study going over papers. His mood wasn't very good, and I knew the stress of work was taking a toll.

I stared at the daily paper, not reading one word. What day? The decision had to be now. If not, I would stress myself, and cause more for others. Friday. Yes, that was the day. Now, I needed a plan for the kids. They didn't need to be around when I released my true feelings.

I picked up the phone. My first instinct was to call my parents. No. I called Kirk's parents.

"Hello."

"Helen, hi."

"Tess, how are you? Everything okay?"

She always asked that. I guess she thought every time I called her something was wrong. Of course, in this case, she had no damn idea.

"All is fine. I was wondering if you and John had any plans this coming weekend?"

She laughed.

"No, not at all."

"Would you mind taking the kids for the weekend?"

"Do you and Kirk have a little getaway planned? I was just telling John how I thought you two needed to get away more. That's what keeps couples young and refreshed ... I..."

"Helen..."

"Sorry dear, you know how I can be."

"Is it okay? Maybe I could pick them up from school and drop them off?” I felt guilty. Dropping my kids off, but I knew they couldn't be around this.

"Of course. We would love to have them here!"

"Thanks so much."

"Oh, no need to thank us, they are a delight!"

"Helen?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't mention this to Kirk."

"Lovebirds! You're surprising him!"

Yeah, in more ways than one.

CHAPTER TWELVE

The Countdown:

Tuesday

"So, you're going to tell Kirk on Friday?"

I sat in Diane's living room, nervously sipping my coffee.

"Yes. It's all arranged. I'm picking up the kids from school and dropping them off at Helen and John's. They don't need to be around this."

Diane took the coffee mug from my hand, placing it down on a coaster.

"Of course the kids don't. You're doing the right thing."

"I know."

"How do you think Kirk is going to react?"

"I really don't know. I guess part of him is going to be shocked and hurt. I'm positive the anger will come out."

Diane leaned in. “Tess, please remember... I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you need, I will do."

I managed to release a slight smile. “Sweetie, I know."

Tuesday evening

I couldn't help but keep looking at the clock. I was dreading when Kirk would come home, knowing I would have to pretend to be happy. Actually, it really didn't matter if I was happy or not. He was so preoccupied with work and for some reason Mark wasn't doing his job. Kirk was in his own world, which in a way made it easier, but also more difficult knowing it was a matter of time before his world collapsed around him.

I made sure to have his dinner waiting, or at least kept it warm in the oven. I never knew what time he would be home, but he managed to release a ‘thanks’ and then would head to his study.

I was reading the kids a bedtime story when I heard Kirk walk in downstairs. Taylor and Tyler sat up.

"Mommy, can we go give Daddy a goodnight kiss?"

"Taylor, how about I go downstairs and get Daddy to come up here?"

They both laughed.

I walked downstairs and found Kirk in the kitchen unwrapping his dinner.

"Kirk?"

He kept his back to me. “Yeah."

"The kids would really love for you to give them a kiss goodnight."

He tossed the plate down, and stormed passed me. “Anything else? Everyone always wants something from me!"

I was shocked. I understood his career was demanding, but there was no sense in taking it out on his family.

I followed him upstairs, standing outside the kid's bedroom and listening. His tone had changed.

"Daddy!"

"Hey, munchkins!"

I could hear them laughing. I peeked around the corner and watched him tuck Taylor then Tyler into bed, giving both a kiss on their heads.

"I think you need to read us a story,” hinted Tyler.

"Oh, you do?"

"Me too, Daddy,” replied Taylor.

He looked at his watch.

"Please,” they both begged.

I shook my head. Damn it, Kirk, you better do it.

"I think I have time for one short story, then Daddy has to get back to work."

The kid's smiles filled the room. I walked back downstairs and placed his food in the microwave.

Fifteen minutes later I heard Kirk walk into the kitchen.

"Your food is still hot."

"Thanks."

Without another word he took his plate and a beer into his study, closing the door. My nerves were shot. I opened up a bottle of wine and poured a tall glass. Keep calm, Tess.

An hour had passed. I sat in the living room thumbing through a magazine while sipping my wine. I heard the study door open then Kirk came in, and sat next to me. I looked at him, his blue eyes tired.

"Kirk, what's going on?"

He rubbed his eyes, yawning. “It's Mark. Tess, I think I'm going to have to let him go."

"How can you do that? He's been one of your best friends since college."

"I know, but lately he's been fucking up badly. I can't do my work and take on his."

"Well, what's going on with him?"

Kirk got up from the couch and walked to the bar to get a beer. He popped open the tab and sat back down, taking a long guzzle.

"I know his aunt isn't doing well. He takes longer lunches to visit her at the hospital. I mean, I hate to do it to him at a time like this, but we're swamped."

"Kirk, maybe you could hire someone else to help out, just until things settle down."

"Tess, I don't know. I just don't know anymore."

I found this comment to be strange, but I didn't want to push too far. We drank in silence. Minutes later he crushed the beer can and excused himself to go take a shower.

Wednesday

"Hello, Mom. Please don't hang up."

"Tess, I really don't have time to talk today."

"This will only take a second."

"What?"

"I'm going to tell Kirk on Friday. Helen and John are taking the kids for the weekend. I just wanted you to know I'm beginning to take care of things."

There was a long pause.

"Mom?"

"Take care of things. Interesting choice of words."

"Well, what else do you want me to say?"

Another long pause.

"I want you to tell me you aren't gay."

My hand began to shake, barely able to hold onto the receiver. “I can't do that."

Click.

I placed the phone back down and began to sob. Could I hold out till Friday? Would my mother ever come to accept the fact, and what about my father, who was still clueless?

I didn't visit Diane. I decided it was best if we kept our distance the rest of the week. She understood, she always did.

I had a couple of hours before the kids would be home and decided to take a long walk on the beach. I needed to feel the ocean breeze and sand beneath my feet. I strolled down the shore, watching the waves crashing in, my mind beginning to question everything.

How would the divorce go? Would he fight for custody of the kids? Would he fight dirty over the money? Would my parents come to the conclusion they never had a daughter? What if Diane and I didn't last as a couple, and I was left all alone?

Jesus, what was I thinking? Of course Diane and I would last! I was willing to risk everything and everyone that meant so much to me.

I sat on the warm sand and looked out into the distance where everything was smooth and tranquil. That was where my life would be one day. No more of the crashing waves. It was time for me to be happy.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"You two, I have a surprise!"

Taylor and Tyler looked up from the show on television. I sat down between, putting my arms around the both of them.

"How would you like to spend the weekend with Nana and Nano?"

Both jumped up, screaming.

"I take that as a yes?"

"Do you think they'll take us to Chuckie Cheese?"

I laughed. “Taylor, I don't know, but I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun!"

Tyler climbed off the couch. “I'm going to go ahead and pack, so I don't forget anything!"

He turned and ran up the stairs, Taylor following behind him.

"Tyler, I want to use the blue suitcase!"

"No, blue is for boys, and I'm not putting my toys in a pink suitcase!"

I shook my head. I always let them pack. Of course, I had to go through it the night before and take out half of the toys. It amazed me how much shit they could fit in such tiny suitcases.

Kirk came home at a decent time. The kids were finishing up their dinner chatting away happily about their weekend adventure.

"How was your day?"

He just shook his head.

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Daddy, we're going to stay at Nana and Nano's this whole weekend!” said Tyler.

Kirk looked at me. “Your parents are going to keep them for the weekend."

"Why?"

Damn, this was hard. “I think we need to spend some time together."

"You do?"

I reached out and touched his arm. “Yes, I do."

He seemed to have no reaction to the news.

We sat on the couch like the night before. I sipped on my glass of wine, he drank his beer.

"Tess?"

"What?"

"I fired Mark today."

I admit I was shocked. I truly thought he would find a way to work around the complications.

"Kirk, I'm sorry."

"Damn, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, then I found out two hours later his aunt died. Some friend I am."

I took his hand in mine. “You're trying to run a firm. Did you at least tell him that once things settle down he might be able to get his job back?"

He shook his head.

"Jesus, Kirk. You could have at least told him that."

Kirk tossed my hand down and stood up from the couch. “Fuck, Tess! What would you know about this? You go and work for Diane doing minimal tasks. I'm the one keeping a roof over our heads!"

I sat back, attempting to control my anger.

"I'd give anything to be in your shoes!"

"So, I guess taking care of the kids that you hardly see doesn't count for anything. I'm just a useless housewife living off her husband's money! Is that what you're trying to tell me!"

"You wouldn't understand!"

"How can I when you lock yourself in the study and only come out when you have to piss or shit!"

Kirk stormed upstairs. Right then and there I wanted to scream the truth out at him, but I couldn't. Not in anger.

Thursday

I spent the entire morning and afternoon cleaning the house. There was no way I could sit still, not even for a second. Tomorrow night our entire lives would change. I was so busy, I didn't hear the doorbell ring. I was tuning everything out.

I leaned over the bar and began to clean every little corner. A hand was placed on my shoulder. I jumped and screamed.

"Sorry.” Diane stood next to me, with a look of concern.

"Diane, what are you doing here?"

"Tess, I'm sorry, but not seeing you and knowing tomorrow is the day... God, I don't know, I needed to be with you."

I dropped the cleaning rag and wrapped my arms around her. “It's okay."

"I rang the doorbell, didn't you hear it?"

"I'm afraid not. I can't calm down."

She led me to the couch and we sat down. Her hands began to massage my shoulders.

"Tess, you're so tense."

"Diane, I can't sit, I'm sorry."

I tried to get up, but she stopped me.

"Baby, take a deep breath."

I did. It didn't seem to help. I could still feel my heart pounding against my chest.

"How am I going to get through tonight? Kirk has been completely miserable all week. We fought last night and I came so fucking close to screaming it at him."

"Is it his work?"

"Yeah, and he fired Mark."

"What?"

"I know. I've never seen Kirk like this. Part of me wishes I had more time, maybe able to tell him when there isn't so much going on."

Diane let go of my shoulders. “Tess, there is never going to be a right time."

"I know. Look at me. The pathetic housewife trying to make up more excuses."

"Sweetie, this is a huge step. Your whole life is about to change. Everyone's life is about to change. This is the hard part, but imagine the relief you're going to feel when you tell him. No more guilt, Tess. No more sneaking around."

"How do you do it?"

She rubbed her hand up and down my leg. “Do what?"

"Make me feel so comfortable, so positive?"

Diane smiled.

I was nervous. The evening came, and I managed to break one plate and two glasses. Tyler and Taylor sat at the table drawing pictures for their daddy. They might be young, but I knew they picked up on the tension and his bad mood. Unfortunately, when he walked in from work, his mood wasn't any better.

He slammed his briefcase on the counter. The kids looked up.

"Kirk, please."

"I can't take much more of this! You wouldn't believe the day I had!"

I tried to calm him down. “They're drawing pictures for you."

He didn't even seem to hear me.

"You won't believe what I have to do now!"

"Kirk..."

"I have to fucking leave tomorrow and go to a seminar in Toronto!"

I stopped dead in my tracks. “But, our weekend."

"Tess, I can't fucking do anything about it! If I'd remembered that son of bitch Mark was suppose to go, I would have fired his ass next week!"

"You can't go!"

"I should have known you wouldn't understand!"

He grabbed his briefcase and stormed into his study, slamming the door loudly behind him.

Taylor walked up to me, tears in her eyes. “Mommy, I was going to give this to Daddy, but I want you to have it."

I looked down at the drawing. She had drawn Kirk and me holding hands, and obviously the two kids smiling next to us were her and Tyler. I held back the tears.

This evening I didn't sit on the couch. Instead I sat out on the deck, listening to the waves and releasing myself to the dark sky.

Quietly, Kirk walked out and sat down. “Tess, I'm sorry. I really am."

I couldn't look him in the eyes. “You shouldn't be apologizing to me. You should be apologizing to your kids."

"What the hell is happening to us?"

I glanced his way, noticing he couldn't even look me in the eyes. “I don't know."

"Tess, remember when you asked me if I was truly happy?"

"Yes."

"Are you?"

I shook my head. “No."

He stood up. “I didn't think you were."

Kirk left the deck, leaving me alone with the night and wondering what I was going to do now.

Friday

The morning came. Kirk gave extra attention to the kids, playing with them and instructing them to behave at his parents. Seemed useless sending the kids off now, but they were excited, and I couldn't take that away.

He drove himself to the airport, leaving me with a light kiss on the cheek and a promise to call once he had the chance.

I felt numb. My emotions were pushed back. I was beginning to not care how he found out, or what became of me.

Once everyone had left I called Diane and told her exactly what was going on.

"Shit. Tess, I will try and talk to Carol."

"Don't bother."

"What?"

"I can't do this anymore. Who was I kidding? My mother is right."

"Tess, what are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry Diane, I have to go."

I hung up on the woman I loved. The phone rang several times. I refused to answer.

I sat in the kitchen, staring at the picture Taylor had drawn. The perfect household. I could do this. I had pretended for many years to be someone I wasn't, why stop now? The doorbell interrupted my thoughts. Part of me didn't want to answer it. It had to be Diane.

I got up from the table and walked to the front door. Taking a deep breath I opened it and was shocked to find Mark.

"What are you doing here?"

"Tess, we need to talk."

I invited him in and poured cups of coffee for us.

"Mark, what's this about?"

"Look, I feel awkward coming over here. I guess you know about Kirk firing me."

"Yes. I'm really sorry."

He waved his hand. “Hey, I can find another job."

"I'm also sorry to hear about your aunt."

He placed his coffee mug down on the table.

"My aunt?"

"Yes. Kirk told me she passed away."

"Tess, my aunt didn't die."

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"Mark, what do you mean your aunt didn't die?"

He took a sip of his coffee. “Is that what Kirk told you?"

"Yes, he told me she'd been sick, and you had been taking long lunches to visit her. He also said you hadn't been doing your job."

Mark shook his head. “Tess, it's not me who hasn't been doing my job, it's your husband."

I was confused and shocked. What the hell was going on?

"I don't understand. This isn't making any sense."

Mark took my hand and held it tight. “I'm not one hundred percent sure of this, but I think..."

"What? Damn it, just tell me!"

"Tess, I think Kirk's having an affair."

I know my mouth dropped to the floor. I began to feel dizzy. Any moment I was going to wake up from all of this. It would just be one horrific nightmare.

"Why... why the hell would you think this?"

Mark leaned back in his chair, releasing my hand. He stared down at his coffee, then looked around the kitchen.

"I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but could I have something stronger besides coffee?"

"Mark..."

"Please."

Impatiently, I got up and grabbed an opened bottle of wine off the counter. I poured both of us a glass and sat back down.

"Enough stalling, tell me what you know."

I watched while he took a long swallow.

"Look, you know how guys can talk at times. Yeah, we talk about sports, but we can also..."

I was growing extremely impatient. “You talk about sex! What else is new?"

"Well, he told me about the two of you."

"And?"

"That you two really didn't have much of a sex life. He told me he needed affection from a woman, and if he didn't get it from you soon, he would look elsewhere."

"Mark, it doesn't sound like Kirk."

He took another sip. “I know. I thought he was joking, but the past few weeks he's been the one taking long lunches and ignoring a lot of important clients. I've been doing most of the work, the rest I assumed he'd been taking home."

"I don't know. Mark, why would he jeopardize his career? This doesn't add up."

"His career? Why would he jeopardize your marriage?"

I placed my hands up to my head, running my fingers through my hair. My wedding band became slightly tangled, one slight jerk and it ripped free bringing several strands with it, and leaving waves of pain in my scalp. Mark didn't seem to notice.

"Right. Why would he risk screwing up our marriage?"

"Hey, I know this isn't any of my business, but are you two okay?"

Mark was Kirk's friend. He really wasn't mine. Was this a set up? I didn't know what to say, or do. Everything seemed to be falling into my lap. I ignored his question.

"Who is she?"

"I'm not sure, and understand, I could be completely wrong. This is just a hunch, but there is one thing that I've noticed."

"What's that?"

"Tess, lately he's brought an extra set of clothes."

I sat back and thought about it. I had been so wrapped up with Diane and wanting to tell Kirk, I hadn't noticed. This was ridiculous. He would never cheat on me.

"My God, are you telling me I wouldn't notice my husband coming home in different clothes?"

"Not different. Maybe you should check his closet."

"Mark, why did Kirk fire you?"

He fidgeted around in his chair. “Because I confronted him about how slack he's been and asked if he was cheating on you."

"What did he say?"

"He told me to mind my own fucking business. He's not the same friend I had years ago, hell even a month ago."

I took a sip of wine. “This is absolutely crazy."

Mark stood. “I've said too much. Please don't let him know I told you this. Tess, I'm probably reading too much into it. Just take care of yourself, and be careful."

I was speechless. He left the room and I heard the front door close. I couldn't move.

I sat in the kitchen for the longest time. The only sound came from the ticking of the clock in the living room. Tick, tock.

I didn't know what to think of any of this. His plane would be arriving in Toronto in less than an hour. Was he with another woman? Was she on the plane with him?

Tick, tock.

My body was burning up, I wanted to vomit, but I held it back. That would explain his late nights in the study. Maybe the work I thought he was doing on the computer was actually e-mails to his mistress.

Tick, tock.

Why should I be upset if he was? I was doing the same thing, except not with another man. Maybe it would be easier to tell him about Diane. I wondered if he loved this other woman.

Tick.

What if Mark was wrong? I couldn't help but think Kirk would never cheat on me. He loved me, and was big on being the family man. Was it possible he already knew about Diane and me, and was giving me an opportunity to come clean?

The doorbell rang.

Tock.

"Diane, what are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too."

She stormed past me and into the living room. I followed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound that way."

I attempted to wrap my arms around her, but she pulled away.

"What's wrong?"

Her piercing dark eyes glared into mine. “What's wrong? Gee, Tess, let's take a look at the whole picture! I guess you don't remember our last conversation. You know, the one where you told me you couldn't do this anymore and then hung up on me!"

I admit I had forgotten. “Diane, I'm really sorry."

"Oh save it! I'm so fucking tired of hearing how sorry you are. I'm the one that's sorry. I should have known better than to get involved with you! I have been putting up with your excuses from day one! I don't even know what came over me to think we could ever have a future!"

I had never seen her like this. It was beginning to scare me.

"Please calm down. Let me get you a glass of wine and we'll talk."

She began to laugh. “Is that part of your solution? Things get too heated for you, and we open up a bottle of wine?"

"What exactly are you trying to say?"

Diane walked up to me, only inches from my face. “I'm telling you I'm the one who can no longer take this. I want out of the relationship. I need a lover in my bed every night, not one sleeping with her husband!"

"Diane..."

"Save it! It's over!"

She walked out of the living room. I ran after her, grabbing her by the arm. Quickly, she spun around and shoved me. I fell to the floor, sobbing.

"Don't leave me, Diane!"

The front door slammed in my face. I heard her car start and leave. I was left alone in more ways than one.

I remained on the floor, eyes swelling, tears continuously cascading down my face. Everything was falling a part. I deserved it, every single bit.

The phone rang. I ran to answer, hoping and praying it was Diane, but knowing deep down inside it wasn't.

"Hello."

"Tess, I just wanted to call and let you know I arrived safely and I'm on my way to the hotel."

Part of me wanted to ask Kirk if he was alone, but I didn't want to know, at least not right now.

"Thanks for calling."

"Tess, are you okay? You don't sound right."

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Well, I left all the information on the refrigerator if you need to get a hold of me."

"Okay."

There was a long pause of deadly silence.

"Tess, I love you."

I couldn't bring myself to reply. Instead I hung up the phone. I didn't deserve his love, and I sure as hell didn't deserve Diane's.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I dropped the kids off at Helen and John's. My time at their home was brief. The observant Helen noticed my swollen eyes and asked if I was okay. I lied and blamed it on allergies. She hugged me and told me to have a relaxing weekend, even if Kirk was out of town.

How the hell was I going to have a relaxing weekend? Diane had broken up with me and Kirk could possibly be having an affair.

I walked into the empty house. Silence. I poured myself a shot of JD. What did I care? I didn't have any responsibilities for the next two days. My mind went over what Mark had told me earlier today.

"Tess, lately he's brought an extra set of clothes."

I decided it was time to check out his closet. I needed to know. I grabbed the bottle of JD and went upstairs.

I opened the door. His shirts and pants were in matching order. So what if he had some of the same shirts and pants. Didn't a lot of men? This wasn't enough to prove anything. I searched his closet from top to bottom. Nothing unusual.

His study! If he were hiding anything from me, then it would be in the study! I knew his password, and I could also find out if he had another screen name.

I ran down the stairs with my bottle in hand, taking swigs ever so often. Rarely did I venture into the study. It was his room, a place for him to unwind after a hard day at work.

Once in front of the computer I pulled up the main screen. Clicking on his name, I typed in the password, Tessluv. I waited a few seconds and was shocked to see the password was incorrect. Maybe I misspelled it. I typed it in again. Access denied. Why would he change the password without telling me?

My heart began to race. I continued to drink, feeling the burning in my stomach. I needed more proof. A password change wasn't enough to convince me.

I searched the top desk drawers, nothing. When I tugged on the bottom drawer it wouldn't budge. What the hell? I kneeled down and noticed a lock had been placed. When had he done that, and again, why hadn't he told me? I had to get in. Bastard trying to keep secrets from me, we'll see about that!

The alcohol was definitely having an effect on my attitude and rational thinking. I searched the entire study looking for a key. The more places I looked, the angrier I became. I pulled files out of the filing cabinet, tossing them on the floor. I knocked over knick-knacks, some falling and shattering into a million pieces. Fuck it! Let him clean the mess up when he returned from his supposed business travel!

A half hour had passed by and the room looked like a tornado had blown through. I slumped against the wall, staring at the locked drawer. Anger was building up in me. I got up and ran into the bathroom for a nail file. Back into the study I sat down and stuck the tip in the lock. I wiggled it around, hoping some miracle would happen and the drawer would automatically open.

The more I realized this wasn't going to work, the hotter I became. Harder and harder I pushed the file in until I heard a snap.

"Goddamn it!"

I stood up and took a long swig of the liquor. With one sudden move I threw the bottle against the wall. A loud shatter echoed through the room, glass flying everywhere. I picked up everything within reach and began throwing it against the wall.

"Fuck this! Fuck you Kirk! Fuck you Diane!"

I stormed out of the room and went out into the garage. I found a hammer.

Back into the study I went. I knelt down and with all my strength I slammed it into the drawer over and over. The brown enamel paint chipped, dents appeared with each strike. After a few minutes, the drawer finally gave way. I tossed the hammer to the side and looked in. There was a large manila envelope and a smaller one.

The larger one was sealed, the smaller one wasn't. I started with the smaller one. I heard a clink as something fell and rolled under the desk. On all fours I looked, it was something shiny. I reached for it and pulled it out. My heart sank.

It was his wedding band. I was trying to remember the last time I noticed him wearing it. God, I truly didn't know.

I took the larger envelope. On the front it had a red stamp reading, “Confidential".

I ripped it open and pulled out the contents. My eyes widened. The first thing I saw was a surveillance picture of Diane and I. Our lips were pressed together, her hand on my ass.

There were several other pictures of us. Sitting in a restaurant holding hands, and other shots of us kissing outside her home. There was no doubt in my mind now.

I rifled through more papers, recording our exact time of meetings. When I got to the last few pages I truly thought my heart would stop.

Divorce papers.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I sat in the study staring at the divorce papers. I couldn't move, or think. I felt like I was in one big nightmare. Who was I kidding? I had brought it all on myself. Kirk wasn't stupid. He had sensed I wasn't happy and I was cheating. I wondered what his initial reaction was when he first saw the pictures?

I looked around the study. My heart pounded against my chest. There was no possible way I could deny I had been in here. Many things were broken, and the desk drawer wouldn't even go back inside, not to mention the dents and paint chips. So, this was it. Come Sunday all would be out in the open. There truly was no turning back.

I left the room feeling numb. It wasn't just from the amount of alcohol. It was from the slap of reality.

I wanted to call Diane, but I knew better. She had made it very clear our relationship was over. I thought of calling my mother, but she was barely talking to me, and I'm sure several “I told you so” would come from her mouth. My God, I was alone.

I walked out on the deck, inhaling the fresh ocean aroma. Dark clouds were rolling in, the sun beginning to set. I watched the waves becoming angrier at the approaching storm. I decided I needed to take a walk, my head was too scattered, and the beckoning from the beach was the only thing that would have a chance of calming me.

Calm before the storm.

The sand still had its warmth from the day's sunshine. I walked for a good fifteen minutes, the wind picking up with each step. The storm was coming closer, and I knew I should turn around, but I didn't care. Maybe I would be lucky and a bolt of lightning would strike me down for my sins.

Low rolls of thunder boomed in the distance along with quick lightning strikes. Was Kirk cheating too? Had he been before or after finding out about Diane? I knew I needed to thoroughly look over the divorce papers.

The first light drops of rain fell upon my skin. The sun was gone, the grey clouds swirling above my head. I stopped and stared up at the angry sky, feeling rage once again. This time the anger wasn't directed at Kirk or Diane, but at myself. This entire time I had been selfish and thinking only of my needs. Why had I turned out like this? I knew what I needed to do. Face the facts. I should have been up front with Kirk from the beginning. I should have been up front with myself and who I truly was. Sounds so simple to do, but in reality, it was one of the hardest.

The rain was picking up, falling at a more steadier pace, lightning jaggedly striking across the sky. I decided it was time to head back.

By the time I made it home, my clothes and body were drenched. I walked in the quiet house feeling chilled. Slowly I made my way upstairs and grabbed a towel from the bathroom. I stared at my reflection. I didn't even look like myself. Dark circles were forming under my eyes. My skin had an ashen tone. The anger swirled around inside me, like the storm clouds outside. Clenching my fists, my nails dug deep into my flesh. Before I knew it I slammed my fist into the mirror, pieces shattering in all directions. I didn't feel the pain. A few shards embedded in my hand. I didn't care.

Tears streamed down my face like a raging river. I removed my clothes, tossing them on the floor.

The hot shower felt good against my skin. I scrubbed my body, attempting to wipe away my disgust. My hand was burning, my knuckles beginning to bruise. I squatted in the tub placing my hands over my face. I cried hysterically.

I lay in bed. The shards had been removed. I stared at the divorce papers. I needed to read them over and I did.

Everything was being split down the middle, our investments, savings, and stocks. Our home would be sold. I didn't blame him. There were too many memories here, and I had no desire to stay.

I was feeling a little at ease until I read the custody of our children. My eyes widened, my heart rapidly beating. He wanted full custody! I scanned down. Kirk was going to attempt to prove me as an unfit mother. The photos of Diane and I would be included. He couldn't get a way with it! Just because I had an affair didn't make me unfit! I had to do something about it and soon!

I tossed and turned in bed. The minutes ticked by, my mind racing. Finally, the sun began to rise. I climbed out of bed feeling completely exhausted, but I knew I had a lot of planning and running around.

I tossed on some clothes and didn't even bother with make-up. My eyes were swollen and there wasn't any cover-up that could conceal this. Thoroughly I cleaned my hand, bandaging it up. It was swollen and throbbing. I ignored the pain.

Before leaving I did research on the Internet. I made a few phone calls. One of the places was open, the other would not be till Monday.

The first step I took outside I shielded my eyes from the bright sun. Rummaging through my purse I found my sunglasses. My plan was to head into the city, but first I couldn't help but drive by Diane's. Her car was in the drive along with a black truck. Who was the owner of the truck? A client, a new lover? Had she already moved on? My heart sank. I couldn't imagine her being with someone else. She was meant to be with me. Tears filled my eyes. Don't cry again damn it!

The ride to the city seemed to take forever, when in reality it only took thirty minutes.

I found a parking space only a block away from Jerome Black Private Investigator's office.

I entered the office. A blue-eyed blonde greeted me.

"Mrs. Warner, Mr. Black will see you now."

I thanked her and walked into his office. He closed the door behind me.

"Please Mrs. Warner, have a seat."

I sat in one of the chairs near his desk. I must admit I pictured him in a trench coat and hat, smoking a cigarette with a shot of liquor next him. I know, silly.

"So, Mrs. Warner. What can I do for you?"

I swallowed, taking my sunglasses off. “I think my husband might be cheating on me. If he is, I want proof."

"What makes you think that?"

"His friend informed me he might be. I need to know."

Mr. Black leaned back in his chair. He was an older man with obviously dyed-black hair, wrinkles all over his face, dark eyes, and a slight cleft in his chin.

"Okay.” He handed me a few forms attached to a clipboard.

"Fill out all the information. You'll see that I ask where he works, frequent bars, basically everything about his daily routine. You will also see my fee at the bottom."

"Money is no object to me, however I prefer to pay in cash."

"Of course."

He left me in the room while I filled out the form. If Kirk wanted to fight dirty, then I would do the same. There was no way in hell he would get custody of the kids, especially if he was doing the same damn thing.

"Mr. Black, my husband is out of town and will not return till Sunday. I assume you'll begin on Monday?"

"No. I want you to write down his flight number and return time."

I attempted to remember the note on the refrigerator, but my mind wasn't very clear.

"I'll have to call you with the information."

"You do that."

We both stood up. I thanked him and began to leave the room.

"Mrs. Warner. Are you sure you want to know the truth?"

"I have no choice."

"Very well."

I left the office feeling a bit more secure about the situation. I actually had an appetite. I couldn't remember the last time I had lunch in the city. I picked a small café and sat outside watching others walk by.

The waitress brought my cup of Gumbo soup and Cajun Crab Legs. Everything was delicious. Each bite I took seemed to be clearing my head.

I was almost finished eating when I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned and my eyes widened seeing Diane and Carol walking down the sidewalk. Diane was glancing in the storefront windows. Carol's eyes immediately locked with mine. In one swift move she wrapped her arm around Diane's waist. Diane did nothing to stop her.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there, but I was frozen with shock. The closer they got to me, the wider Carol's smile became.

"Oh Diane, isn't that Tess?"

Diane stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes meeting mine. She looked so sad, not at all like herself, but then again, who was I to talk. I looked like complete shit.

"Tess."

"Diane."

Diane removed Carol's hand from around her waist. Carol's eyes narrowed.

"Tess, what happened to your hand?"

I looked down at the bandage, then back at Diane, attempting to ignore Carol's evil glare.

"Just an accident."

Carol laughed. “Yeah, I bet."

I shot her a dirty look, not that it mattered.

Diane glanced at Carol, then back at me. “This isn't what it looks like."

I shrugged my shoulders, acting like I didn't really care. In reality my heart was sinking by the second.

"Carol and I... we're just friends."

"Hey, you're a single woman now, free to date whomever you wish."

I could tell those words hurt her, but what was I going to say, especially in front of the bitch Carol.

"So, what are you doing in the city? Tess, you rarely come here."

I noticed she still wore the locket I had given her.

"I had some business to take care of."

Carol jumped at the opportunity. “Got another woman in your life to treat like shit?"

Diane turned to her “friend". “Why don't you go wait in the car?"

"Are you kidding me? This is a classic fucking moment. Suburban Mom is getting exactly what she deserves! I wouldn't miss this for a second!"

She grabbed Carol by the arm, her eyes blazing. “Go wait in the fucking car!"

Carol shook her head and walked away. Diane sat next to me, gently lifting my injured hand.

"Tess, what's going on? Baby, you look so sad."

"Gee, why wouldn't I be? You're not in my life anymore. Everything has fallen apart, but I know I deserve it."

"Baby..."

"No, it's true. I don't want sympathy. I've been so damn selfish. With you, Kirk, the entire situation."

"Where's Kirk now?"

"Out of town. He'll be back tomorrow. I guess you could say that's where everything is going to start, or end."

I squeezed Diane's hand, tears filling my eyes. “Diane, I really need someone to talk to. So much has happened. Would you please stop by tonight? I promise, no tricks, just as a friend."

She released a sad smile. “Okay."

I sat on the deck, watching the waves. The sun was setting, brilliant displays of colors streaked across the sky. Any moment Diane would arrive. Would I be able to keep my hands off her? I shook my head. I had to. We were only friends now.

My mind began to go over everything. I had called the investigator and gave him the rest of the information. He would be at the airport right when Kirk's plane arrived. God, why the hell did I allow my life to become so fucked up?

The doorbell rang; my body began to tremble.

"I'm glad you came."

She smiled.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"No. Tess, I'm worried about you. What the hell is going on?"

"Follow me."

I led her to Kirk's study. Her eyes widened.

"Oh my God, what the fuck happened?"

"Diane, he knows about us."

She stared at me, eyes still wide.

"You've told him?"

I walked over to the desk and picked up the file. “Take a look for yourself."

I watched while Diane sorted through the pictures and finally to the divorce papers. She looked up at me, then back down to the evidence.

"Tess, I don't... I mean, I really don't know what to say."

"Exactly how I felt when I saw them. Diane, he wants custody of the kids."

I don't believe her eyes could have become any wider. She stood there speechless.

"He's going to try and prove me an unfit mother. I also think he's having an affair. That was why I was in the city today. I hired a private investigator. Monday I'll be going for a lawyer."

Finally she found her voice.

"This is crazy. Jesus, all of it sounds like a fucking soap opera."

"I wish it was."

"Tess, I think I could go for that drink now."

I managed a smile. We walked into the living room. I poured us both a glass of wine and sat next to Diane on the couch.

"I'm trying to make sense of all of this. Obviously Kirk was having you followed, but why do you think he's cheating on you?"

I took a long sip of the wine. “The day you came over and told me it was over, Mark visited."

"His law partner?"

"Yes, and he told me Kirk had been acting strange, bringing an extra set of clothes to the office, falling behind on his clients. It wasn't Mark who was fucking up, it was Kirk."

"Tess, this still doesn't mean he's cheating on you. Look at your marriage, it's in shambles and he knows about us. I would think a man who loved you would not be able to concentrate on much of anything."

"I've thought about that, but there is a possibility. He has so much against me, and I can't take the risk, so I need to at least attempt to fight back. Diane, I can't lose my kids."

She placed her hand on my knee. “I know... I know."

"You were right. I should have come clean the moment I fell in love with you. Jesus, I should have come clean the moment I knew I was a lesbian."

"Tess, it's all in the past. Everyone learns from his or her mistakes. You need to concentrate on the future and what's ahead. This is far messier than before. The fact he knows and has proof has made it a lot more complicated."

My head lowered. “Diane, do you still love me?"

She reached out, her fingers lightly lifting up my chin. “Yes. I love you very much. I could never stop loving you."

"So, what's going on with Carol and you?"

Diane laughed. “Are we doing the jealous thing again?"

"No. However, I do think she's a total bitch."

"Oh come on! Not even the slightest bit of jealousy?"

Now I was laughing. It felt good to laugh, if only for the moment. “Okay, yes! Does that make you happy?"

"Makes me feel good. Sweetie, I've told you. There is nothing going on between us. Trust me, she got an earful with the way she behaved."

"I'm sure that went over well. I think if she could have my head on a platter and get away with it, she would."

"Tess, she's really not all bad."

I shook my head. “You're fucking kidding, right?"

"Hey, I'm not saying I agree with the way she acted today, but she is concerned over this entire situation. Tess, put yourself in her shoes, put yourself in mine."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Tess, I know this is so easy for me to say, but you're going to make it through this. I can understand how you feel. Everything is crumbling around you, but it will all work out for the best."

"Diane?"

"What?"

"Will you be there for me?"

"Of course I will."

I couldn't resist. I leaned in to place a kiss upon her lips. She pulled away. Diane said the words I didn't want to hear.

"Only as a friend."

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

A friend.

That was what Diane thought of me. She had left a few hours ago, and I had mixed emotions. A friend! Hell, maybe our getting together hadn't gone exactly as planned, but now I'm a fucking friend?

I glanced at the clock. It was a little after nine. I had time to go out if I felt like it.

I did.

I drove to the closest lesbian bar. It was a hole in the wall, but I needed to unwind. I sat at the edge of the bar, staring up at the TV. There was an advertisement for the next Jerry Springer show.

"Cheaters Caught."

My God! With the way my life was going, I could be on the show! I shook my head and ordered a drink.

The bar wasn't very crowded, and most of the women were shooting pool. I thought about when everything was finally over. I would be on my own, and hopefully have custody of the children. What about dating? I hadn't been “on the prowl” in years. Sure there was Diane, but she kind of fell into my lap.

My thoughts were interrupted.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I turned around and there stood Carol. “Leave me alone. I'm in no mood for you."

She sat next to me. “Trying to drown your sorrows? Or, wait, maybe you didn't have any luck in the city finding another victim and decided to hit the bars."

"Carol, your wish came true. I'm getting a divorce. Diane and I are no longer together. What more do you want from me?"

She took a sip of her beer then smiled. “Absolutely nothing. You've got what you deserve."

I ordered another drink. “Yes, you've made it perfectly clear. Now you can have Diane all to yourself."

Carol laughed. “I don't want Diane. We're just friends."

"Fine. Look, I'd really like to be left alone."

She tossed her blonde hair back. “Tess, you are and will be."

Okay, this bitch was really pissing me off.

I motioned for the bartender. “This woman is bothering me, could you please take care of the situation before it turns ugly?"

The bartender eyed Carol. Carol held her hands up.

"No problem."

She walked to one of the pool tables. The bartender smiled. She had a nice smile, short brown hair, and an obvious boob job.

"Do you want another drink?"

I looked down at my glass. I couldn't believe I had almost finished another one. Deep down I knew I shouldn't, but what the hell.

"Sure, and a shot of tequila."

"You got it."

I glanced over and saw Carol staring at me. What the fuck was her problem?

My drink and shot arrived. I downed it, allowing the tequila to burn my throat. Rummaging through my purse I took my cell phone out to check for messages. Who was I kidding? Nobody was going to call me.

Diane sure wasn't.

Truly I don't know what I'd been thinking. I should have stayed at home if I wanted to ‘drown my sorrows’ as Carol had put it. My vision was slightly blurry, the room slowly spinning.

I paid my tab and walked outside for some fresh air.

"Sure hope you aren't planning on driving."

There was that annoying voice again. “Carol, I don't think that's any concern to you."

She walked up next to me, puffing away on a cigarette. “I think it is my concern."

"Why? You could care less!"

"True. It's the innocent people out there I care about."

"Of course."

Carol held her hand out. “Give me your keys."

"You're fucking crazy! I'm not giving you my keys!"

She reached out, attempting to grab my purse. I pressed it close to my chest. In a second she lunged and ripped it from my clutches, sending me backward onto the gravel. I cried out as streaks of pain ripped through my injured hand.

"Goddamn it!"

Carol took the keys from my purse then tossed it down next to me. “Get up. I'll take you home."

"Like hell you will."

"Tess, you don't have a choice."

Slowly I stood up. I didn't like this bitch looking down at me. “I can call a cab."

She tossed the keys back and forth in her hands. “Yes, you can, but then I'll still have your keys, which means you would have to see me again to get them back. I'll take you home, leave the keys with you, then you can get a ride to pick your car up tomorrow."

Clumsily I stood and attempted to grab the keys from her, only to slam my body into a car. “Carol, give me them, now!"

She shook her head, smiling. A smile I ached to slap right off her face. “Nope. Come on, I'll take you home."

I watched while she walked to her truck.

Fucking bitch!

She unlocked the passenger side and I climbed in. My face was flushed. My fists were clenched, ignoring the pain.

Carol got behind the wheel, still smiling. The entire ride back to the house was in silence, only the hum from the engine and the low playing music from the radio filtered through. I know I passed out a few times.

"Tess? Girl wake up."

I opened my eyes and saw Carol on the passenger side, the door open.

"You're home."

I stumbled out of the truck, her hand wrapped firmly around my waist.

"Damn, easy there."

"Carol, you can give me my keys now."

"Jesus, your bandage is covered in blood."

"My keys!"

She didn't seem to hear me and led me to the front door. I was really feeling the alcohol, my hand felt numb. After attempting to place a few keys in the door she found the right one.

"Okay, hand them over."

I held out my bandaged hand. There was blood.

"Let me help you clean this up, and then I'll leave."

"Why the hell are you being so nice to me now?"

She smiled, her blue eyes lighting up. “Hey, I'm not that big a bitch. I know you realize your mistakes."

"Then why do you continue to mentally attack me?"

"Because, Diane is my friend. I take care of my friends."

I shook my head.

"Where's the bandages?"

"Upstairs."

She led me upstairs. Each step we took I felt uneasiness. I didn't trust her, but for some reason I allowed her to do so.

We walked into the master bedroom.

"In the cabinet?"

"Yes."

She returned with fresh bandages and ointments. I stopped her.

"This doesn't make sense. I want to take a shower. There is no need. I appreciate you taking me home, but I would feel better if you left."

Carol continued to unwrap the bandage. “Let me clean it, then I promise I'll leave."

I gave up. This woman was as stubborn as Diane.

Gently she cleaned the cuts. After a few minutes she stopped and walked to the door of the bedroom. “Tess, be sure to apply more ointment after your shower."

No more words were spoken. I listened to her walk down the stairs and the front door open and close.

The shower was extremely refreshing, but I could still feel the alcohol. I thought about Kirk.

Anger and sadness flowed through my body. I thought about Diane.

Anger and sadness flowed through my body. I thought about Carol.

Anger flowed through my body.

Once out, I wrapped a towel around me and put a loose bandage on my hand.

I stepped out into the bedroom. My eyes widened.

"I think you need a release from all that built up tension."

Carol was sprawled across the bed, naked and waiting.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

At first I just stood there, staring at Carol. Her body was amazing, tits not too big, yet not too small. Her pussy was completely bare, giving me a full view of her lips.

"Well, don't you think you should join me in bed?"

"No. I'm going to ask you again to leave. I want you out of my life."

She laughed. “Come on. Feel all the anger inside you. Feel the anger and sadness from your failed marriage. Feel your anger toward Diane for leaving you alone. I'm giving you a chance not many women get."

"And what's that?"

"To take advantage of me. Let it all out. I don't care how rough you are, or how soft. You can fuck me."

Now I was laughing. “You're kidding me! Look, I know I might be drunk, but you're nothing more than a sneaky ass bitch. If I fucked you, you would automatically head to Diane. Hell, you might be having my every move taped right now for all I know!"

"Oh, give me a damn break! You act like this is some unbelievable soap opera! Tess, it's simple, a free fuck. Nothing attached, no games, just free.”

I picked up her clothes and threw them at her. “Get dressed and leave my home!"

She tossed the clothes back on the floor and placed her fingers between her pussy lips, spreading them wide for me to view her sweet juices. “You know you can't resist. At least have a taste."

I leaned up against the wall. I couldn't help but stare at her body. Was this what it would be like when I was truly free? Bringing women home that only wanted to fuck? No love, no emotions, just a simple fuck?

The anger did build up. My guilt swelled up inside me. I tried to fight the alcohol, although we always seem to blame our sins on it. “Baby, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been so intoxicated."

I didn't have a baby to try and apologize to.

I was single, well, not completely, but technically I was.

Carol spread her legs wider.

I could hear my inner voice begging me not to fall for it. My pussy dripped with wanting it.

"Carol, leave."

My inner strength picked up the clothes again and tossed them to her. I walked over to the bed, my eyes staring down into hers.

"I'm going downstairs and giving you five minutes to get dressed and get out of my home. If you haven't left by then, I will call the cops."

I turned to leave. Quickly she pulled me down on the bed, removing my towel and straddling my body.

Her hands squeezed my tits, causing a slight moan to escape from my mouth. My inner voice was screaming at me, beckoning me not to give into her. The alcohol seemed to be ignoring.

"Tess, the moment I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid eyes on. You know you're beautiful, don't you?"

I couldn't answer her, all I could do was grab her from the back of her neck and pull her into my awaiting kiss. Our lips locked, our tongues did the dance of death, battling like swords in the early morning hours.

I could feel her wetness sliding onto my skin. Her scent filling my nostrils, a scent different than Diane's but one I had to taste.

I shoved her body off of mine and made my way down to her pussy. I wasted no time licking, sucking and swallowing her juices. She ran her fingernails through my hair, pushing me further into the boiling pot, her boiling pot.

I could feel all the frustration, anger, pain... whatever you wanted to call it being released, knowing that once the sun rose it would only be right back again, but this time stronger.

I shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't stop myself. Her taste, her smell, made me feel like a shark after getting that one taste of blood.

The fact I despised her, only made me want her more.

My life was already in shambles. I deserved a fuck. I deserved to get fucked.

After all, my life was pretty much... fucked.

I got lost in the moment. My mind shifted. I was sucking Carol's clit, imagining it was Diane's. My three fingers deep inside her were inside Diane's wet world.

Her wetness was sliding down my hand. I moved faster, sucked harder. Carol moaned loudly and came. I sat up, staring at her, hating every inch of this woman.

Carol reached for me. I got off the bed.

"Tess, let me return the favor."

I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around my body, turning away from her. “Carol, you need to leave now."

I heard her get up and felt her touch my shoulder. I was trying my hardest to hold back the tears of shame. She pulled me back to the bed. I sat down and Carol sat next to me.

She ran her fingers through my hair. “You really love her, don't you?"

Tears streamed down my face. “More than you will ever know, and now I just sealed the doom of our relationship."

"No you didn't. I told you I wouldn't tell Diane, and I won't."

I reached for a tissue, dabbing my eyes. “Carol, knock it off. This is just what you wanted to happen, and it did."

"Tess, maybe when I saw you at the bar I did, but I know for a fact you wouldn't have fucked me if it wasn't for the alcohol."

"God, who the hell knows what I would have done. I don't even know myself anymore."

Carol placed her hand on my knee. “I know you despise me, but I want to help you."

I looked at her. “I don't despise you, and I also don't need your help. It's over between Diane and me."

She laughed. “You do despise me."

I couldn't help but laugh. “Yeah, I really do."

"Let me help you."

"Carol, I don't want you to fuck me."

"That's fine, but it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about."

"What?"

She stood and began to get dressed. I reached for another tissue, wiping away the remaining fallen tears.

"Tess, I'm going to help you get Diane back."

"Why the hell should I trust you?"

She flipped her hair back and took out her keys. “You don't have to trust me, but you really don't have anything to lose. You keep your focus on dealing with Kirk, I'll take care of Diane."

"Just leave it alone. It is what it is."

"Diane is just as miserable as you are. You two deserve to be together. So, do you still hate me?"

I stared at her for a few minutes. “Yes."

She smiled. “You won't for long."

Carol left the room. I could smell her sex scent all over me, over the comforter. I yanked it off and ran downstairs tossing it in the washing machine.

I leaned against it, placing my hands to my face. Carol's scent. I wanted it off me. I wanted to forget this evening ever happened.

The hot shower felt wonderful. My body was scrubbed from top to bottom. I climbed out and without drying off crawled into bed. I was exhausted.

I glanced at the clock. The sun would be rising soon.

Kirk would be home.

The kids would be home.

He would see the disaster in his study.

The kids would eventually see the disaster of a failed relationship.

A few hours later I woke up to find Kirk staring down at me, his eyes narrowed.

"Tess, what the fuck did you do?"

I was groggy from the amount of alcohol and lack of sleep. “What?"

"Don't what me! My study is a disaster!"

I sat up. “Then why the hell did you have a locked drawer and change your password?"

"Like you don't know! I want to hear you say it!"

I got out of bed, shoving him to the side.

"Come on Tess! Tell me you're a dyke and having an affair with Diane!"

I turned around, my anger coming full force. “You son of a bitch! Yes, I had an affair with Diane and for the record, I am a dyke!"

"Had? What, did she dump your ass like I'm going to do?"

"That's none of your business, and trust me, I want a divorce just as much as you do!"

Kirk threw his suitcase on the bed and tossed more clothes in it. “You'll be hearing from my lawyer."

"So, you're going to leave. Have you thought about the kids? Don't you think they're going to wonder why their father isn't home?"

"Don't worry about them. They'll be staying at my parents for a while. If you want to see them, then go over there."

"You have no right to decide where they stay!"

"Oh, I don't? Fine, go get them, and you can explain why their dad isn't at home. Go ahead, tell Tyler and Taylor because you've been fucking a woman, I've left!"

"You truly are a son of a bitch!"

"And you, my lovely wife, are a fucking lesbian cunt!"

I wanted to knock the crap out of him. I knew it would come down to this.

He slammed the lid down on his suitcase and began to walk out. Before he left he turned around with a shit-eating grin. “By the way, my parents know what's going on. Guess that's two people you don't need to tell."

He left.

Part of me wanted to pick the kids up, but I knew it was best I didn't. I was an emotional mess, and I couldn't stand for them to see me like this.

However, I did decide to call. I needed to hear their voices and let them know how much I loved them.

"Hello."

"Helen, I want to speak to Tyler and Taylor."

A long pause.

"Helen?"

"Tess, how could you? Do you realize how many lives you have hurt?"

"I don't need a lecture from you. I want to talk to my kids."

"I can't believe you're having an affair with a woman! It's not natural!"

I remained calm. “Let me speak with them."

"You can't."

"Like hell I can't!"

"Tess, they're taking a nap."

"Sure they are."

"It's the truth. See, I don't lie like you."

"Fine, have them call me when they wake up."

"Yes. You know..."

I hung up. I wasn't about to let her insult me anymore than she had.

I made a pot of coffee and sat at the table with the phone next to me. My heart was pounding. This was really happening.

I thought back to what Diane had once told me. It was going to be rough, but soon everything would be okay. Of course then we were together, and knowing she was going to be by my side was comforting.

She wasn't by my side.

Reality struck like a bolt of lightning. My God! I had fucked Carol! Why the hell did I do it? There was no way she would help me get Diane back. She was probably telling her what happened right now.

The phone rang.

Quickly I picked it up expecting to hear one of my kids.

I was wrong.

"Tess."

"Diane."

CHAPTER TWENTY

"Tess, how are you?"

I took a deep breath. “Well, I could be better. Is everything okay?"

"Yes and no. Did Kirk come home?"

My voice began to quiver. “Yes."

"Oh God, Tess. Are you alone?"

Tears streamed down my face. “Yes."

"I'm coming over."

I heard a click and then a dial tone. Did she know about Carol and me?

Diane walked in, grabbing and pulling me close. It felt good to feel her body up against mine. Gently, she stroked my hair.

I guess she didn't know.

"I don't want you to go through this alone. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes."

We sat in the living room. She held my hand firmly. “Where are the kids?"

I broke down.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. “Everything. I mean I knew this would be hell, but it's all slamming down on me. I truly don't know what to face first."

She wiped the last tear from the corner of my eye. I wanted her right then and there. I wanted her to take me away from it all. For that one split second, if she had asked me to pack my bags, leave, and vanish from it all, I would have.

I was that scared.

"The kids are with Kirk's parents. They'll be staying there for now."

She kissed my hand. “It's probably for the best. How did he react?"

I thought back. His anger was the worst I had ever seen during our marriage.

"Diane, I think he's going to get custody of the kids. He was positive on it. Not to mention he's an attorney. He has more connections than I'll ever have."

She sat back, releasing my hand. “True, but he isn't the only one with a pull here."

"What do you mean?"

Diane ignored the question. “What's going on with the investigator? Have you heard from him?"

God, I had completely forgotten. A slight slimmer of hope filled my body.

"No, but he's supposed to leave a message on my cell."

"So, you don't know if Kirk is cheating on you?"

"I have no idea."

I could tell Diane's mind was racing.

She loved me. We would be together.

"Tess, I think you have a fair fight. It might look like he has the upper hand right now, but you're the mother. The only thing you have against you is..."

I stopped her words. “The affair with you."

Her eyes saddened. “I never meant to hurt you."

"Diane, the only time you did was telling me we could be friends. I want my lover back."

Lightly she stroked the side of my face. Before I knew it, she had pulled me into her, our lips pressing together. It felt like the first time we ever kissed. My body was trembling. For the moment I felt safe, forgetting about the entire situation. Nobody else existed, but Diane and me. I could hear the waves crashing around outside and feel the pounding of our hearts.

We heard everything.

Everything but the front door opening.

"This is unreal."

Diane and I jumped from the sound of Kirk's voice.

"Haven't even been gone a few hours and here my wife is making out with her dyke lover."

We sat there staring at him, his anger resurfacing.

"Please don't stop on the account of me coming into my own house I've paid for! Hell, why don't you two go upstairs and fuck in our bedroom! You probably already have!"

I stood up. “Why are you back?"

He rolled his eyes. “Amazingly, I have to work. I came back for a few files! Diane, did you see her detective work in my study? Real good!"

Diane stood. “Kirk, get your files and leave Tess and me alone."

He walked over to her, leaning in only inches from her face. “Did you have this all planned? Luring my wife into your sick world? Or do you just like to destroy happy marriages?"

I walked up to them, grabbing Kirk's arm. “Stop! Get your goddamn files!"

Neither one of them lost eye contact.

"You're wife's a lesbian, and always has been. What's the matter? Mess with your precious manhood?"

Kirk's temper flared. Diane remained calm. He yanked his arm out of my grasp.

"No! If you think you're going to become a second mom to my kids, you're kidding yourself!"

God, it was like I wasn't even in the room.

"Kirk, guess the court will decide."

He stood back, staring at her for a moment. Without another word, he stormed into his study. Moments later he returned, not even looking at us and slammed the door behind him.

Diane and I stood still for a few moments. Finally, she turned to me.

"Tess, I'm sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut."

I sighed. “It's okay. My God, what have I done?"

She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight. “All is going to be fine. You wait and see."

Our embrace was interrupted from the ringing of my cell phone. I grabbed my purse and took it out.

"Hello."

"Mrs. Warner?"

"Yes."

"It's Mr. Black."

Diane came up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Did you find out anything?"

"Well, Mr. Warner arrived by himself."

My heart sunk.

"However, I find it very interesting where he stopped before going to your home."

"Mr. Black, I don't understand."

"Your husband stopped at Oceanview Apartments."

My mind raced. Oceanview was clear across town.

"Is there any acquaintance that lives there?"

"No, not that I'm aware of."

"Mrs. Warner, understand this is a long shot. I've done a lot of background investigating on your husband and despite some money losses with the company, I really don't have much to go on."

"But, the apartment?"

"I'm looking into who lives there. I just wanted you to know how everything is going."

"Thanks, Mr. Black."

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I tossed the phone back into my purse.

"What's going on?"

I turned in Diane's arms. “He doesn't have shit, except for Kirk making a stop at Oceanview apartments before coming home this morning."

Her dark eyes lit up. “Well, maybe we should do some detective work of our own."

"What?"

"Come with me."

We sat in Diane's car outside the large apartment complex.

"Diane, I don't think this is a good idea. What if Kirk arrives and sees your car?"

She held my hand. “Don't worry, the bushes in front are blocking any view of us."

"This is what I'm paying the detective for."

Gently, she squeezed my hand. “Tess, let's sit here for a few minutes, and if he doesn't show we'll leave."

I shook my head. This was such a waste. At least that's what I thought for the moment.

I stared over at Diane. God, she was beautiful. The sun shone on her face. When she turned her head to the side, I could see the light crow's feet behind her glasses. I loved those lines.

I pulled her hand to my lips and placed soft kisses all over. She smiled, removing her sunglasses.

"Tess, kiss me."

I leaned in and kissed her sultry lips. Despite all that was going on, I could feel the ache between my legs. It was strange. Here, my whole world was crashing around me, yet I still felt the need, the urge to fuck.

The urge for Diane to fuck me.

Her hand slid over the top of my blouse, pinching my nipples. She pulled back and looked down.

"I've missed touching you. Feeling your tits, tasting your pussy."

I smiled. “I've missed it too."

"Tess, I love you."

"Are you sure? How do I know you won't tell me weeks from now we're just friends?"

Her eyes filled with tears. “I'm sorry. I was confused. I wanted to give you space, make sure it was me you wanted."

"Jesus, Diane! How could you ever doubt it?"

"I know you might not like hearing this, but Carol came over earlier today."

My heart began to race. There was no way Diane knew about Carol and me. She wouldn't be so loving and calm.

"She told me you were at the bar and the two of you had a good talk."

"Yes."

"I guess what I'm trying to say, is she made me realize in my heart what I knew all along."

"What?"

"That I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

I had to tell her what happened between Carol and me. If anything, I'd learned it's never good to lie or keep secrets.

I was about to release the darkness when she looked up toward the apartments.

"Tess!"

I turned and saw Kirk getting out of his car and heading up an open flight of stairs.

"Oh my God."

We watched while he knocked on a door. In a few seconds it opened.

"Diane, I can't tell who it is? Is it a woman?"

"Shit, I can't tell either."

The door closed.

I sat back, sighing. “Now what?"

Diane tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.

"Tess, I say we wait, and after he leaves, I'll go up and pay a visit to whoever is in the apartment."

"Are you crazy? Look, just let the detective do his job. If Kirk is having an affair, he'll find out."

Diane sighed. “Fine."

A few hours had passed since Diane had dropped me off. I hinted for her to stay, but she smiled and placed a kiss on my lips telling me she had work to do.

The entire situation was becoming too strange. I felt as if I was outside a window, watching someone else's life collapse.

Reality, I felt numb.

Helen kept her word. The kids called later in the evening. I know they were confused over staying at their grandparents, but I explained I would see them soon.

I sat out on the deck, my eyes closed, listening to the waves. It's amazing what the ocean can do for someone. I took deep breaths, feeling calm and relaxed.

That feeling lasted for only a moment.

"Tess?"

I jumped in my chair. “Kirk?"

He walked over and sat across from me. “We need to talk."

"Kirk, if you're here to insult me please leave."

He ran his fingers through his hair, eyes filling with tears. “No, I'm not here to do that. I just want to talk."

"Fine."

"Tess, why did you marry me?"

I took a deep breath. “Because I love you."

He shook his head. “I don't understand."

"Look, I never meant to hurt you, or anyone else for that matter. I denied who I was for so many years. Kirk, I'm sorry. I do care. I just can't give what you want anymore. I need to be true to myself and to others."

"Do you love Diane?"

"Very much."

Kirk sat back in his chair, shaking his head. “I never thought this would become of us."

"I'm so sorry."

He slammed his hands down on the table. “Damn it Tess! Do you realize once this is out how humiliating it's going to be for me, for our kids?"

"Humiliating? I've been in the closet for years. I refuse to be ashamed of who I am anymore! As for our kids, yes, I've thought about it. I used to lose sleep every night worrying what their friends’ parents would think, but when it comes down to it, it's none of their damn business!"

"And our kids?"

"We've always been open with Taylor and Tyler. They might not understand it at first, but I will answer any questions they have and be completely honest."

"To bad you couldn't have been honest with me! If you had been, none of this would be happening. I'd be with a real woman, not some dyke!"

I stood up. “Asshole! I don't have to listen to this!"

"Tess, sit down. Look, you have to understand why I'm so upset. God, when I saw those pictures of you and Diane, do you even know how much it hurt me?"

I sat back down. “No, I don't."

"I knew something was up. At first I thought maybe you didn't love me anymore. Then when you weren't interested in sex, the thought of you cheating popped into my mind. Hell, I thought it was with another guy. When the detective told me it was a woman, I couldn't believe it."

"How long have you known?"

"A couple of months. God, I've never cheated on you. I've never lied. I can't believe this is happening."

"Are you sure?"

He looked at me questioningly. “Sure about what?"

"You've never cheated."

He looked away for a second, then back at me. “Yes."

Part of me wanted to believe him and another part wanted to know about his visit to Oceanview apartments. My thoughts were interrupted.

"Why Diane? What is it about her?"

"Kirk, do you really want to know?"

He looked out at the ocean. The full moon shone down on the water, sparkling like the stars. “Yes."

I thought about Diane. I could see her face and feel her touch. “She treats me well."

"I treated you well. I gave you everything you wanted."

"I know you did."

"Go on."

"Jesus, Kirk. I don't know what you want me to say!"

"Tell me what it is about her! I'm not asking for your sexual shit! Why Diane?"

I was beginning to feel awkward. “She makes me laugh. She's comforting, loving. Is that what you want to hear?"

"And I was all of that for you too! I made you laugh. I gave you comfort and love."

"I'm not saying you didn't.” I reached across the table for his hand. He pulled away.

"Tess, I gave you everything. I don't get it."

"Damn it Kirk! She's a woman! She doesn't have a cock! Is that clear enough for you? I'm a lesbian!"

Tears filled his eyes. This time he reached for my hands, holding them tightly.

"Tess, I don't want to lose you. Please give us another chance.” He started to cry.

"Kirk, if I could be with you, I would. You mean so much to me, but I can't change who I am."

"Yes, you can. We can go to counseling. You and I. We can work through this. We've worked through a lot in our marriage. It just can't end."

"I'm sorry. Kirk, I want you in my life, but it can't be as a husband or lover. I can't give you that."

"What if I let you see Diane?"

"What?"

"You can see Diane on the side. I can handle it. Don't leave me."

"It won't work, and you know it. It's not healthy. We need a clean break. You need to be with someone who can give you what you deserve."

"I don't want anyone else!"

"Kirk, there isn't anything I can do."

He stood, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Well, there's something I can do!"

"What?"

"I'm going to stop the divorce procedures!"

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I sat on the deck for another hour thinking about what Kirk had said. He was angry and hurt. Of course he would be. What did I expect?

"Sure Tess. It's okay you're a lesbian and want a divorce. Full custody of the kids? Go right ahead."

I shook my head and went inside. The house was so damn quiet. No sounds of Taylor and Tyler running around upstairs. No sounds of Kirk and his buddies yelling at the television.

Just silence.

We all know silence only lasts for so long.

The doorbell rang.

"Hey baby.” Diane walked in.

"Tess, I was going to drop by an hour ago, but I noticed Kirk's car in the drive. What happened?"

"He's upset.” We sat down in the living room.

"I'm sure he's upset. What did he say?"

"He doesn't understand. Can you believe he actually said it would be okay if I saw you on the side?"

Diane's eyes widened. “No shit?"

"He's desperate. Part of me hates hurting him, but another part is thankful he knows the truth, no matter how hard this is."

She ran her fingers through my hair. “I know."

"Diane, he's stopping the divorce procedure."

She sighed. “I thought he might try something like that."

"Really?"

"Kirk is grabbing at every possibility of making your life a living hell. His pride and ego are hurt. He doesn't want to lose you. Tess, you know this could get a lot worse."

"I know. Diane, I asked him if he was having an affair."

"You did?"

I nodded. “He said he wasn't."

"What about the apartment?"

"I didn't ask anything about that. If he's cheating, I want him to be surprised."

"Tess, do you think he is?"

"God, I don't know. One moment I do, and the next I don't. Sometimes everything seems so confusing."

"Sounds like you need a break."

I stared into her caring eyes. “What do you have in mind?"

Diane stood. “Stay right here."

"Where are you going?"

"Trust me. Stay right here."

I watched while she climbed the stairs. What the hell was she up to?

Moments later she came back with one of my suitcases. “Come on, let's go."

"Diane, I can't leave."

"Yes, you can."

"What if the kids call?"

"No excuse. I know they have your cell phone number."

"But, the detective..."

"Stop it! He has your cell number too. Now, let's go!"

I looked around the living room. Why the hell not?

We made a quick stop at Diane's, then drove through town, heading toward the city.

"Where are you taking me?"

She glanced over, smiling. “I'm treating you to two days of pampering."

"I don't deserve pampering."

"Damn it Tess! What would make you say that? Of course you do!"

I stared out the window, watching the city lights twinkle in the distance. Maybe I did deserve pampering, but why did I feel so guilty for indulging?

We arrived at the Ritz-Carlton. I had never stayed at this lavish hotel. Sure, Kirk and I stayed at many luxury places, but never here.

"Diane, this is way too expensive."

"I can afford it. Relax baby."

We made our way to the lobby. Diane paid for a room. I didn't feel comfortable with her paying over seven hundred dollars for two nights, but she insisted.

Once inside our room, she unpacked our bags. The room was exquisitely furnished. A view of the city was breathtaking. I stood in front of the large window. Diane came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, her face nuzzled into my neck.

"Tess, the view is almost as beautiful as you."

"Look at all those lights. People all going about their nightly business. You know, I've always loved the ocean... the clean air, the sound of the waves crashing. Something is completely pure about it."

"And the city?"

"The city at night is full of mystery. It's exciting, so different than the ocean. Everything is fast moving and nothing seems to stop."

"Tess, I love you."

I turned around in her arms. “I love you more than you will ever know."

We kissed.

The city lights danced behind me.

"Okay, do you think you can follow my orders for the next couple days?"

"Ooohh, getting a little frisky aren't we?"

Diane laughed. “I'll take that as a yes. What I want you to do is go take a shower. After, you will see something I left for you to wear."

"Sure you don't want to join me?"

"Tempting, but I have a few things I need to take care of."

"Okay."

She gave me one more kiss and off I went to the bathroom. What a bathroom! It had a large sunken tub, a shower with several showerheads, and a long counter with two sinks.

I removed my clothes and stared at myself in the mirror for a few seconds. Something had to change. My eyes were slightly swollen from the lack of sleep. My tan was fading. Overall, I looked exhausted.

The shower was wonderful. Water sprayed down on my body in all directions. I picked up the bar of lavender soap and lathered up. My tense muscles slightly loosened.

Minutes later I heard the bathroom door open. Diane said nothing. I could see her image through the distorted glass. She placed something on the counter and left.

After the shower I walked out, wrapping a towel around me. I looked through the steam and saw a white box with a red bow.

Drying off, I kept my gaze on the mystery gift. Purposely I made myself wait. I applied lotion and pulled up my hair.

Finally, when there was nothing else I could do, I opened the gift.

I smiled devilishly.

Inside was a red silk robe with revealing red lingerie. Diane knew my taste well.

I put on the lingerie, wiped the mirror and turned in all directions to get a view of my body. The thought of my lover's touch brought wetness to my pussy.

Next, I put on the robe. The silk against my skin was heavenly. I checked myself once more in the mirror and walked out.

Diane sat on one of the plush couches, waiting. Several candles had been lit and lights were turned down.

"Tess, stop right there."

She scanned my body.

"Would you like me to open the robe and give you a sneak peek?"

"Another temptation, but I'll be patient."

I jumped when I heard a knock at the door. She walked over to me and caressed my face.

"It's okay lover, time for my second surprise. Go have a seat at the table."

I took a seat. A beautiful arrangement of flowers decorated the center. I leaned in to smell one of the roses.

Diane opened the door and a cart was wheeled in. She had ordered room service. The young gentleman eyed me while he placed the covered plates around the table.

He turned to Diane. “Is there anything else I can get you?"

She handed him a few bills. “No. Thank you."

He nodded and left.

Diane walked over to the table and sat across from me. The light from the candles danced across her sexy face.

"He sure was giving you a look... not that I could blame him. It turns me on when others stare at you."

I don't know why, but I blushed. “Why does it turn you on?"

"Simple. I have something they can't. You'll be in my bed, not theirs."

My stomach dropped. The thought of Carol came to mind. I had completely pushed out what had happened between us.

"Tess, are you okay?"

I stared at Diane. I could hear my inner voice telling me to let it all out before things went further.

I couldn't. I managed to smile. “Everything is wonderful."

"Good. Now, let's see what we have."

She lifted off each lid revealing all my favorites. There was a bowl of garlic stuffed green olives, fried chicken, okra, squash, and many others.

"Jesus, Diane! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

She laughed. “Shall we indulge?"

For the next hour we ate and enjoyed a bottle of wine. The food was absolutely delicious. During those moments I forgot about Kirk and all that was going on. I forgot about Carol and what I knew eventually had to come out.

I savored every morsel.

I savored every moment with Diane. “Oh, I have to stop eating. If I don't, this lingerie is going to bust right open."

"Mmmm... easier access for me!"

"Stop it!"

She took a sip of wine. “Do you really want me to?"

"No, not at all."

Diane stood up and held out her hand. “Come.” She led me to the bed. “Take off your robe."

Slowly, I let the robe slide down.

"My God, you're absolutely radiant."

Her fingers circled around my nipples, slightly pinching.

"These are all mine."

"Yes, they are."

Her hand slid down my stomach and rested on my mound. She squeezed it, causing more wetness to escape.

"This is mine too."

I couldn't speak. Her touch had me in a trance. I wanted nothing more than her mouth sucking on my clit. I wanted her to talk dirty and fuck me like a whore.

"What are you thinking, Tess?"

I moved in closer to her. “I want you to fuck me."

"Trust me, I will."

"Diane, I want you to fuck me like a dirty whore."

She wasn't surprised. Instead she threw me down on the bed.

"I will, but there is something I want to do first."

"What?"

Diane took all her clothes off, standing before me with her near perfect body.

"Show me your tits."

I released the straps from the lingerie, obeying and exposing.

"Lean in and grab one of your tits."

I leaned and grabbed.

"I want to watch while you suck your own nipple."

I sat there for a second.

"Do it! Your tits are fucking big enough to do so!"

I had never done it before. I began to suck. It was a new adventure for us.

She watched while rubbing her own tits and pussy.

"Suck the other one."

I sucked. My pussy ached.

"Tess, I want you to stop sucking, but end it with a pop. Once your lips leave your nipple, I want to hear a pop."

I understood completely. I sucked a few seconds longer then allowed the suction to cause the “pop."

"That's my baby. Remove the rest of the lingerie."

I slid out of it.

"Spread your legs as far as they will go."

Still obeying.

"Take your fingers and show me your hole."

I placed my fingers on my lips and gave her a complete view of my needing hole.

"Slip one finger inside, deep inside."

Easily it slid in.

"Another."

Easily it slid in.

"Another."

I was open wide. All for Diane.

"Move them in and out, slowly."

I could hear my juices squishy around. It was the only noise in the room except for our heavy breathing.

"Take them out and suck only two."

I sucked my juices off my fingers, watching her rub her clit.

She leaned in and I placed the other finger in her mouth. She licked and sucked off the rest.

"Tess, turn over."

I was expecting her to play with my ass, but it wasn't what came next.

She straddled my body, her pussy rubbing against my thighs. I heard a snap and then felt the coolness of lotion being applied on my back.

"I'm going to tease you all night. Right now I want you to relax. Clear your mind, and concentrate on my touch."

Her hands massaged the lotion into my skin. I felt her every touch. With each movement of her hands, I felt a release.

I began to drift off.

I tried to keep my mind off everything, attempting to focus on her loving touch, but occasional flashes of Kirk, Taylor and Tyler hit.

Kirk's smiling face before he knew faded into his anger and sadness.

Taylor and Tyler's gleaming faces, and their cute little arguments filled my head.

Try and relax, Tess!

You can face reality once this city sexual adventure was over with.

Then a flash of Carol came, a deadly flash. I had to tell Diane. I couldn't allow her to fuck me unless she knew the truth. It wasn't fair to her. Softly I began to sob.

"Tess, what's wrong?"

"Diane, could you please get off me."

She climbed off, sitting back against the pillows. I looked up.

"Baby, what is it?"

"I have to tell you something."

She wiped her hands on a towel. “What?"

"Look, I won't blame you if you never want to see me again."

"Tess, you're scaring me. What is it?"

I took a deep breath. “I fucked Carol."

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Diane sat there for a second. I guess she was letting it all sink in.

"Tess, what did you do?"

I lowered my head. “I'm sorry. It just happened."

"It just happened? What, kind of like us? It just happened!"

I could hear the tension in Diane's voice.

"I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry. It was the night at the bar, and I drank too much. Carol came up to me. She started off being a bitch. Talking about me drowning my sorrows and looking for another victim."

Diane stood and began to put on her clothes.

"Baby, please don't leave."

"Oh, I'm not leaving, not yet! I want to know everything, and for once, tell the goddamn truth!"

I reached for my robe. Quickly her hand shot out. “No! Stay exactly how you are and tell me!"

I felt embarrassed and ashamed. My mind raced to that night. Pitiful excuse mounted. Why had I consumed so much alcohol?

Desperation.

Why had I allowed Carol to drive me home?

Sensible.

The moment I walked out of the bathroom, why did I allow her to influence me?

Loneliness.

"She said I got what I deserved. I accused her of having a thing for you. Diane, I kept thinking of you. Everything was piling up. I wanted you back in my life."

"So badly, you fucked Carol."

"She insisted on coming in and helping me with my hand. God, I thought she had left when I went to take a shower. I came out and she was on my bed, naked."

"Why didn't you ask her to leave?"

"I did. Over and over, I asked her, I threatened her. Diane, I know this isn't an excuse, but I was drunk and I thought we were over. It was out of feeling sorry for myself, but I wouldn't allow her to fuck me."

"Well, that was noble of you."

"I had to tell you."

I could see the pain in Diane's eyes.

I could see the anger and frustration. Just like I had seen with Kirk.

"Diane, I'm sorry. I thought you had left me forever."

"Tess, you can be so amazing."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never met a woman who had an excuse for everything! First, you can't get a divorce because of the kids and you need time to tell Kirk. Next, you fuck Carol because you thought we were over and indulged in too much alcohol!"

"I..."

She placed a finger on top of my lips. “No, you've said enough. I'm done with your excuses. Why don't you give Kirk a call? Tonight you could fuck him and your excuse could be..."

"Be what?"

Diane gathered most of her belongings.

"The night true love left you."

I couldn't say anything. Instead, I watched her close the door. She didn't slam it. There was no more anger.

There was no more love.

I stood in front of the window. The city lights still danced, but now to a different beat. Somewhere, Diane was wandering, hurt and thinking the worst of me.

I stared at our leftovers. Some covered, some exposed. Out of nowhere I felt a rage. With one swift move I slammed my hand into all. Lids flew, chicken legs, old wine all splattered against the wall.

I slumped in the chair, staring at the artistic display.

It was an artist's masterpiece.

Titled.

Pain and despair.

I ordered another bottle of wine. I know, during a crisis, the worst thing to do is indulge in alcohol, but at that moment I didn't care. I wasn't out to get drunk, but I was out to deaden the pain.

I checked my cell phone for messages. Nothing.

Nothing from my kids, and nothing from Kirk. My God, what had I done?

More time went by. I grew tired of staring at the city lights.

I gathered some clothes and fixed myself up. I left in search of an escape.

"Ma'am, what would you like?"

Okay, so I made it as far as the lounge. There were so many women dressed up, their husbands staring into their eyes.

Once upon a time, that was Kirk and me. Looking like the perfect couple on the outside, but the dark, evil secret was beneath.

I took a sip of my vodka tonic. I shouldn't be drinking, but why not? I didn't have to wake up and make breakfast for the kids. I didn't have to make sure Kirk's pants were pressed to perfection, his coffee piping hot.

I didn't have to do a damn thing... except...

Feel sorry for myself. I did. I felt sorry for myself. No matter how wrong.

Yes, I cheated on my husband, ruined a marriage, a family. I obviously took advantage of Diane.

Where does it stop? How much guilt should I feel?

I slammed the glass down. “Bartender, another."

He eyed me for a few. “Are you staying here?"

I tossed my room card down.

Hours passed, and the bar was beginning to shut down. I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. I turned around and came face to face...

"Carol?"

She sat down next to me.

"Why are you here?"

She messed with an abandon straw, then tossed it to the side. “Because if I'm not, you'll be here alone."

Realization hit me. “Diane called you?"

"I was downtown."

My stomach slid further. “She’s left me again."

"I know."

My head fell, my body slumped. What did I expect? Why would she stay?

"Tess, I know I had cruel intentions at first, but I never wanted it to come to this."

"No? Didn't you get what you wanted?"

"Jesus, don't start that shit again."

"Come on! Break up Diane and me, prove I'm some low-life! You knew exactly what you were doing!"

"No! At first, yes, but not once I realized how much the two of you loved each other. You're the one who told her!"

"She deserved to know!"

"And you deserve all that is happening now!"

I wanted to strangle her ass. Kill her right then and there!

"You know Carol, you're right, absolutely right. I do deserve it, every fucking last bit. I really want to thank you."

"For what?"

I stood, feeling the booze, but I wasn't going to fall for her shit now. No, not this time.

"I want to thank you for making me see all my pathetic flaws. Pushing the woman I love away from me. Thanks for destroying the last chance I had with happiness."

Carol stood. “My pleasure."

I picked my drink up and tossed what remained in her face. The vodka tonic splashed across, most of it landing on her blouse.

"Carol, I never want to see your fucking ass again!"

I stormed away, truly despising her.

Hell, deep down, I knew most of it was my fault, but the fact I fell for advances that night brought the extreme emotions and anger.

No Kirk.

No Diane.

No Carol.

It was time I stood up to my mistakes, faced them and be the woman I knew I truly was.

I struggled getting the card to work to enter the room. Finally I made it in, cursing the entire way.

I sat on the bed.

"What took you so long?"

I jumped and couldn't believe I hadn't noticed Diane sitting on the couch.

"I thought you left for good."

"Tess, I had every intention of, but then I talked to Carol."

"So did I."

"You did? When?"

"A few minutes ago. I'm sorry, I know she's your friend, but to me she's a conniving bitch."

"You're right."

"I am?"

"Tess, I ran into Carol downtown. Let's just say I did a lot of thinking. No, I'm not happy with what happened, and to me alcohol is no excuse, but Carol had a lot in this too."

I didn't know what to say.

"She took advantage over a vulnerable situation. As much as I want to hate you for your actions, I can't."

"I assume you told her where we were staying."

Diane looked out at the city lights, then back at me. “Yes. Call it part of a test."

"What?"

"I was curious to see if she would come here, try to find you. Obviously my feelings were right."

I clasped my hands together, feeling the slight trembling in my body.

"You were setting me up?"

Diane nodded her head. “You could say that. I like to think of setting up both of you. Tess, what would you do if you were in my shoes?"

"My God, you actually thought there was a chance I would bring Carol back to the room?"

"Yep. Nothing else can shock me."

"So, you were hoping to find her and me in here, getting it on so you could blow up?"

Diane stood and sat on the bed next to me.

"Don't make it sound so vicious. I was hoping you'd come back to the room alone, and you did."

"Jesus! What the hell is going on here?"

Diane seemed shocked, but I didn't care. I was so fed up with all the bullshit! Yes, I know I brought on a lot of it, but there was only so much someone could take!

"Tess, calm down."

I stood and began to pace the room.

She sighed. “I don't know what to think. Tess, there is so much I need to process, so much you need to."

"Gee, what a romantic getaway this has turned out to be. It always seems to be something."

"I'd still like to have the romantic getaway."

I turned to Diane. “Do you actually think it's possible with everything that has happened?"

She stood and walked over to me. “I think we can do whatever we set our minds to. We've come too far to allow our relationship to be destroyed. Just promise me, no more lies or hidden secrets."

I couldn't help but reach out and touch her face. She didn't back off, but she also didn't return the gesture. Why was life so fucking complicated?

Diane briefly took my hand and placed a light kiss on top. “Tess, give yourself to me."

"I always do."

"No, not like that. Give all of yourself to me."

I wasn't sure exactly what she meant, but I began to slide into bed. She grabbed my wrists pulling me back up. With no words spoken she led me into the bathroom. I watched while she turned the shower on.

Slowly she began to undress me, my clothes falling to the cool tiled floor. Once my clothes were removed, she took off hers.

We stood for a few seconds, staring into each other's eyes. Steam began to fill the bathroom.

Lightly she traced the side of my face and gently kissed my lips.

"Tess, get in."

I stepped in, feeling my lover's gaze on my flesh. The warm water pounded my body and felt just as good as it had earlier. Shortly she followed, coming up from behind.

"Close your eyes."

She moved me under the showerhead. The water sprayed across my face, trailing down my neck and body. Her hand reached around and caressed my pointy nipples.

I could feel her other hand reach around with a bar of soap. Lather accumulated all over my body. Diane spent a large amount of time cleaning my thick pussy lips, sliding the bar between them. Up and down.

"Tess, you feel so damn good."

I wanted to come right then and there. I wanted to come in the shower with the water splashing all around our bodies.

Next she pulled back my hood, placing the tip of the soap on top of my clit. I could hear her breathing picking up, mine keeping in time.

After a few minutes I heard the bar of soap drop. No longer was she cleaning my heated snatch, now her fingers began to play. Skillfully she entered my hole with two fingers, her thumb flicking back and forth across my clit.

I pushed back against her, feeling her hard nipples against my skin. Her mouth pressed against the side of my neck, her pubic hair brushing up against my ass.

Exactly at that moment I knew everything was going to be okay.

I knew Diane and I would soon be together starting our new life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The remainder of our time in hotel luxury was spent in bed. We ordered room service and never left. For those couple days I didn't have to think about Kirk or even my children, as selfish as that might sound.

It was a much-needed break, but all good things must come to an end. The entire drive back to my house we held hands. I watched the city disappear.

"Tess, are you sure you don't want to stay with me?"

I smiled. “No, I need to take care of a few things. I also want to pick up the kids."

Diane shook her head. “I'm sure Kirk's parents are going to love that."

"Hey, they have no legal right to keep my kids from me. They're coming home."

"What are you going to tell them about Kirk?"

I stared at Diane for a few seconds. “I'm going to tell them the truth."

I cleaned a few things in the house and checked to make sure there were snacks for the kids. I decided not to call Helen and John. I wasn't going to give them a chance to make some excuse up about Taylor and Tyler.

The ride to their home was a short distance. I couldn't believe I didn't feel one bit nervous. After the past couple of days with Diane, I seemed to have regained my confidence dealing with the entire situation.

I pulled in the drive and walked right in their home. Taylor and Tyler came running up to me.

"Mommy!"

I bent down hugging them tightly.

"Mommy, we missed you."

"I missed both of you, too, Tyler."

I placed kisses all over their faces.

"Tyler, Taylor, why don't the two of you go in the backyard and see what Nano is doing?"

I stood and turned toward the sound of Helen's voice.

Taylor pouted. “We want to stay with Mommy."

I looked down and smiled. “It's okay. Go see what he's up to. We'll be leaving soon."

They both screamed with delight and ran out to the backyard.

"Tess, why didn't you call before coming over?"

"I don't have to. My kids are coming home with me today."

"Do you really think it's wise? They'll ask where Kirk is."

"Oh, and this situation isn't strange to them? They've only stayed here for more than one night when Kirk and I went on our vacation. You going to tell me they haven't asked questions? Helen, why haven't my kids called me in the past few days? What exactly have you been telling them?"

I could tell she was getting pissed, but I didn't care.

"Well, I sure as hell didn't tell them their mother was having an affair with another woman!"

I remained calm.

"No telling what you told them. You've always come into our home constantly bickering at everything I did. Telling me how I should raise the kids, my cooking. I've tolerated you for so many years."

"I was only trying to help! Look how well Kirk turned out! The man you lied to. My son who is hurting because of your actions!"

Right then my cell phone rang. I rummaged through my purse and checked the number. It was Mr. Black.

"Helen, excuse me, I need to take this call."

"Probably your dyke lover."

I ignored her comment. “Hello."

"Mrs. Warner, it's Jerome Black."

"Yes."

"I was wondering if you could come down to the office. I have proof of what your husband has been up to."

"Tell me."

"Well, I think you might want to take a look at some of the pictures taken outside of Oceanview apartments. I also have some interesting phone conversations."

"Is he...?"

Helen stood in front of me, listening to every word that came out of my mouth.

"Mrs. Warner, he's having an affair."

I admit part of me was shocked, but another part felt an extreme relief, and in more control of the situation.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

I clicked off the phone.

"Tess, I take it you're leaving?"

"Yes, but I'll be back for my kids."

"What, have to go to Diane's? Rub it more into Kirk's face?"

"Yeah, exactly. You're sweet, innocent son who's hurting so badly. So badly, he's been fucking around on me too."

I truly wished I had a camera for her expression.

"You're lying!"

"We'll see.” I left her standing with her mouth dropped to the floor. Making my way to the backyard, Taylor and Tyler ran up to me.

"Mommy, are we leaving?"

"I need to run an errand, but I promise I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?” asked Tyler.

"I need to run an errand in the city."

"Why can't we go with you?” whined Taylor.

"Mommy needs to take care of something. Make sure your bags are packed."

I saw John standing by his work area.

"Why don't the two of you go play on the swing set?"

Both kids ran to the swings. I walked up to John.

"I guess you're as angry as Helen."

He shook his head. Kirk had his eyes, so blue and deep set.

"Tess, I'm sad, not angry."

"John, I never meant to hurt anyone."

He rubbed my arm. “You're a good mother. I know my son isn't the perfect husband, nobody's perfect."

"What are you getting at?"

"Tess, I only want everyone to be happy. If you love this woman, then be with her. Let Kirk move on with his life."

"I am."

"Just promise me you'll let us see our grandkids."

"I would never deny you or them of that."

I glanced at my watch and realized I needed to go. I felt there was no need to tell John about Kirk's affair. He would find out soon enough.

"I need to run into the city. I told Helen I'm coming back to pick up the kids."

"Okay."

John hugged me tightly. I felt like sobbing, but I didn't. It was time to put the tears away.

I told the kids I'd be back and began to walk away.

"Tess?"

"Yes?"

"Embrace your happiness."

I left speechless.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

"Mrs. Warner, glad you could make it."

I sat in a chair across from Detective Black. My heart was racing, waiting to find out all the details.

"First, I'd like you to take a look at these pictures."

He leaned over the desk handing me several photographs. I took a deep breath.

The first one showed Kirk and a red-haired woman standing outside the apartment complex. My trembling hand placed it behind the pile. There it was. A shot of the two of them embraced in a kiss.

I had no idea who the woman was, nor did I really care. Obviously she was younger. I must admit seeing him in the arms of another woman struck something in me.

Jealousy?

No.

Anger?

Not yet.

Sadness?

Yes. It was sadness.

I scanned through the rest of the pictures. More kissing, hands on body parts and lots of smiles.

I looked up at Detective Black. “What about the phone conversations?"

He pulled out a recorder and pressed play.

"Hey baby, it's me."

"Kirk, I thought you were going to call me an hour ago?"

"Sorry, I had to check on the kids and spent a longer time at my parents than expected. You forgive me?"

She giggled. “Of course I do."

"Megan, I have to stop by the house then I'll be over."

"What if you're wife's there?"

"If she's there so what? We're over."

"Kirk, what if her lover is there?"

"If she's there, she's there. Doesn't really matter anymore."

"So, when are you filing for divorce?"

"Already in the works."

"Kirk, I have to be honest. Are you sure you want full custody of the kids. I mean, I'm really not mother material. Jesus, I'm only twenty-two."

I shook my head.

He laughed. “Come on, you'd make a wonderful mother."

I could feel my blood pressure rising. This bitch wouldn't be anywhere near my kids! Detective Black stopped the recorder.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. “Please continue."

He pushed the play button again.

"I guess so."

"Honey, don't worry about it. All this will be over with soon. See you in a bit."

"Okay."

Detective Black cleared his throat. “In a few seconds the next conversation will come up. I want you to know this might be a bit hard to hear."

"Trust me, I can handle it."

"Kirk, we really need to talk."

"Megan, what's wrong."

"Look, can you come over now?"

"Not at the moment, I have a meeting in ten minutes."

"I need to see you."

"Just tell me what it is."

"I... I'm... I'm pregnant."

Silence.

"Kirk?"

"Shit Megan! I thought you said you were on the pill?"

She began to sob. “I... I am, but you know it isn't 100% safe."

Silence.

"Kirk, please say something."

"Look, I need to get to my meeting, we'll talk later."

Detective Black clicked the stop button and sat back. I didn't know what to think or say for that matter.

I found my voice. “Mr. Black, I was wondering, do you know of any good lawyers suitable for this? I mean I know a lot of them, but they either work for Kirk or have worked for him."

He opened a drawer and pulled out a card. “Ever heard of Ms. Karly Burne?"

I shook my head.

"Give her a shot. She deals in this area."

I couldn't help but laugh. “This area? What, the complete dysfunctional family?"

He smiled. “Amazingly enough, your situation isn't so uncommon."

I was amazed.

I drove back to Kirk's parents’ home thinking to myself, could this possibly get any stranger? The card he had given me poked out of my purse.

"Ms. Karly Burne."

So, it came down to this. I no longer felt any sorrow for Kirk and what I had done. I no longer felt ashamed with John and Helen knowing, or my own mother.

What I did feel was to take control. Soon this would all be over with.

I couldn't believe Megan was pregnant.

I couldn't believe he was with a younger woman.

"Mommy!"

Again the kids ran up grabbing on to my legs.

"You two all packed?"

They jumped up and down, nodding.

Helen walked in. I assumed John was still outside.

She glanced at the kids, then directed her attention to me. “Leaving?"

"Yes."

Her eyes darted back to Taylor and Tyler. “Come give your Nana a hug."

They ran to her. She looked at me, shaking her head. “Tess, this is wrong."

I bit my tongue. John walked in, his face saddened.

"Doesn't Nano get a hug too?"

The kids laughed and hugged him. He looked at me and managed a smile. “Tess, remember what I said."

Helen quickly turned to him, but either it was his look or perhaps because the kids were in the room, she kept silent.

We left.

"Mommy, is Daddy going to be home?” asked Taylor.

"Sweetie, I don't know."

The kids sang along with the radio. I needed to decide what I should do first. I wanted to talk to Diane and let her know what was going on and call the lawyer.

We pulled in the drive. Kirk's car wasn't there.

"Mommy, is Daddy still at work?” asked Tyler.

"Yes, baby."

I was going to have to tell them. Kirk wouldn't be coming home tonight, or any other night for that matter. I decided to wait till after their nap.

The house was quiet again. It felt good to know Taylor and Tyler were home. I stood in the doorway of their room watching them sleep.

I thought back to when I was younger, with no cares in the world, waking up with a smile and the smell of my mother's cooking. Life was so easy then.

Innocence.

The moment I sat on the couch the phone rang.

"Hello."

"Hey, sweetie."

"Diane, I was about to call you."

"I guess great minds think alike!"

I laughed. “I believe you're right."

"So, how did it go picking up the kids?"

"Exactly how I thought it would. Helen wasn't happy, but shockingly enough, John was very supportive."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He told me he wanted everyone to be happy."

"Take it Kirk doesn't take after his father."

"Not at all. Diane, I have more news."

"What?"

"Detective Black called today. You're not going to believe this."

"Shit, Tess... what?"

"Kirk is having an affair with a younger woman."

"Sorry, but it really doesn't surprise me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Do you know how many men either cheat on their wives or leave them all together for a younger woman? It's like my Mom has always told me, some men are afraid of growing older."

"Well, aren't we all?"

"Yeah, but it's more than that when it comes to certain men. Look at my father. He left my mom for a younger woman. Hell, she was only a few years older than me."

"You never told me that."

"Not exactly romantic material with everything going on. Tess, I take it the detective have pictures?"

"Yes, and a couple of phone conversations.” I fell silent. What if Kirk was having my conversations with Diane taped?

"Tess?"

"Look, can you come over?"

"Sure."

"Diane, I don't feel comfortable discussing all this over the phone."

"God, I didn't even think of... I'll be there soon."

Diane arrived. We hugged and she placed a light kiss on my lips. Truly it was amazing how everything seemed to change once I was in her arms. We sat in the kitchen. I poured both of us a cup of coffee.

"Tess, tell me what's going on."

I watched the steam swirl around the top of the cup.

"Megan's pregnant."

"Megan? I take it that's the other?"

I nodded.

"Holy shit, Tess. This is unreal."

"I know. All this time I've felt the load of guilt on my shoulders and Kirk's been unfaithful and now got a woman pregnant!"

"Do you know how long it's been going on?"

"I have no idea."

"What's the next step?"

"Detective Black gave me a number of a lawyer who deals with these situations. I need to call her."

Diane stood up from the table. “Let's call."

I called attorney Karly Burne with Diane by my side. I was lucky enough to have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning.

With that out of the way, I took a deep breath and released.

"Tess, this will be all over with soon."

"I hope so."

"Diane!"

The children were up from their nap.

"Hey, you two."

I watched them hug and tug on her shorts. I couldn't help but smile.

That smile lasted for only a few seconds.

The front door opened and in walked Kirk.

"Daddy's home!” screamed the kids. They ran up to him just like they had with Diane.

Kirk laughed. “There's my brightness of the day!"

Diane looked at me, then back at Kirk. His laughter faded when our eyes locked.

"Tell ya what. Why don't you two go play. I need to talk to Mommy... alone."

Diane turned to me. “Do you want me to stay?"

I shook my head, my heart pounding. “No, it's okay."

"Call me later."

"I will."

I watched my lover leave. She and Kirk kept eye contact until the front door closed.

Taylor and Tyler went to their rooms.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself."

"We really need to talk."

"Do you think you can talk to me like a mature adult, or is that temper of yours going to take over the conversation?"

"Tess, no more anger. We've known each other for so long. I think it's time we got everything on the table for the sake of the kids."

"Okay, where do you want to start? With my lies which you already know, or your lies I just found out about."

His eyes widened. “You know."

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

"Kirk, I know what?"

He stood and walked to the bar. “Do you want a drink?"

"No. What's the matter, trying to avoid the question?"

I watched while he poured a glass of whiskey. For the first time I saw his hands shaking.

After he downed the alcohol, he poured another. The only noise in the house was from the kids running around upstairs.

"Are we going to talk or am I going to sit here and watch you get drunk?"

"Tess, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I don't want to go through a nasty divorce. I believe we need to make it as smooth as possible."

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that."

"Why?"

I shook my head. “You should know."

"Damn it Tess! Stop playing games!"

"I'm not the one playing games, and lower your voice."

"How did you find out?"

"The same way you found out about Diane and me."

"You hired a detective?"

"Kirk, did you think I was going to sit and do nothing when you screamed I wouldn't get custody of the kids?"

"I guess not. So, you know about Megan?"

"Yes, when did this all start?"

He stared at the floor.

"Kirk?"

"When did Diane and you start?"

"A little over two years ago."

I thought for sure he might be surprised, or even a burst of anger. He wasn't.

"Tess, I know."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I guess I wanted to see if you'd tell me the truth."

"Now look who's playing games."

He shook his head. “I'm sorry."

"Are you going to tell me how long Megan and you've been seeing each other?"

"About a year."

I couldn't believe they'd been seeing each other that long. I really thought maybe only a couple of months. God was I ever wrong.

"Kirk, why didn't you tell me? We could have ended our relationship a long time ago and none of this would be going on. You'd be happy with your new life and so would I."

He looked at me, tears streaming down his face. “Because I don't love her, I love you, and I always will."

This time I walked to the bar and poured myself a drink.

"Tess, I know you don't want me. I'm really trying my best to understand all this, but it's so damn hard to let you go."

"Must be. I mean, after all you fucked Megan."

I could sense his anger beginning to build.

"What the hell did you expect me to do? I wasn't getting any emotions or sex from you. I guess I was supposed to become celibate while you went off and fucked my web designer."

I don't know why, but I started to laugh. Maybe I was going insane from this huge whirlwind of life. I just laughed.

Kirk seemed shocked, and then amused.

"You find it funny that I love you so much?"

"I'm... I'm sorry, but take a look at our entire situation. I'm a lesbian married to a man who truly adores me, but is having an affair with a younger woman while I'm having one with his web designer."

He looked around the room and a slight smile crossed his face. “I think we'd be too much even for Springer."

We both laughed, but soon the laughter faded. We sat in the living room not saying a word. The noise from the children upstairs was minimal. The only sound I heard was from the clock ticking away the final stages of our marriage.

We sat in silence a few minutes longer. I didn't know what else to say. Actually that wasn't true. I had plenty to say, but where did I start?

Kirk broke the silence. “Tess, there's something else I need to tell you."

I knew what it was, but patiently I waited.

"Megan... Megan's pregnant.” He looked over at me.

"I know."

"Jesus, why don't you just tell me everything the detective found out."

I shook my head. “Kirk, what are you going to do?"

"I never expected this to happen. Megan's a sweet woman, and I fell for her charm. She looks up to me, and needs me."

"Yeah, especially now."

"I'm going to be a father again. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be in this situation.” He rubbed his temples. “Well, maybe with you, but..."

"What are you going to do?"

"What can I do? Megan wants to have the baby."

"Jesus, Kirk, tell me you weren't considering her having an abortion?"

"Sadly, yes and for selfish reasons. I've felt so much built up anger toward you and Diane. Being with Megan made me feel powerful. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you in the first place."

"I don't understand."

"Tess, when we first met, you were the type who needed to be taken care of. I wanted you to be the housewife, the caretaker, while I was the breadwinner. Once you started working for Diane, I didn't really care for it, but knowing it was part-time, I felt I could handle the situation."

I shook my head. “Are you telling me after all these years you've wanted me to be the housewife? What if I had wanted to pursue my career even further?"

Kirk reached for a tissue on the coffee table. Lightly he dabbed the corners of his eyes. “I would've discouraged you."

I sat there not sure how to process all he was telling me. You'd think after several years with your partner you'd know them. Sometimes we never know.

"I don't understand why you're like that, and why you're telling me all this now?"

"Because I want to get everything out on the table. No more lies, big or small."

I got up and opened the slider to let in fresh ocean air. A breeze ran through my hair. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. A few seconds later I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder.

"Tess?"

I turned around. Kirk stood before me staring down. “We have a lot to talk about. I think before we tell the kids, we need to get it all out between us."

I nodded.

"I'm going to stay here, okay? It would look too strange to them if I left."

"I agree."

It was getting late. I knew the kids needed to eat.

Taylor and Tyler were thrilled to sit down with Mommy and Daddy. It had been some time. I couldn't help but title this as “The Last Supper."

During our evening dinner, Tyler made a request that I'll never forget.

"If Taylor and I help you clean up, can we all watch a movie together?"

For a second, Kirk and I locked eyes. I have to admit that right then and there I came close to ending it with Diane. Sadly, it seemed the easiest way out. Sweep it all under the rug and become the perfect mother, and the perfect wife.

Life isn't like that. You can't deny who you really are, and what you truly want. You can't live your life for others. Everyone deserves to be happy.

It took years for me to see this, and understand, but I had, and a new beginning was on its way.

The kids were in bed. Kirk and I sat out on the deck listening to the ocean's song. “Tess, do you remember a few months ago when you were walking along the shore?"

"Which time?"

He laughed. “You do love the ocean."

"Yes, I do."

Kirk leaned back in his chair. “Do you know how many times I watched you walk? I used to get confused."

"Why?"

"It seemed each time I watched, you'd get further and further away. The day I could no longer see your silhouette, I knew it was over."

I indulged in the sounds of the waves. This time no longer feeling my life falling around me, but instead, the waves crashing in, then taking away each bit of pain, each bit of sorrow.

"Tess, I remember the day I came up to you, saying at times the ocean reminded me of you."

"Do you still feel that way?"

A slight smile crossed his face. “Yes."

"How so?"

"Reminded me of how calm you can be, so soft and loving... but then it all comes in, and sometimes I feel I don't know you at all. It seems to swirl all together in a wet confusion."

I remembered that day. It was when the realization all began. The beginning of the end.

"Tess, I wish you would have been honest."

I stared at my fingers, then back to his swollen blue eyes.

"Kirk, I should have been, but I wasn't. I led you on, and I can only say I'm sorry. I realize it isn't much, but it's all I can give.

"I know, and I hate to keep repeating things."

"Kirk, I need to say something."

"What?"

"I'm concerned with your drinking. I mean it's increased lately."

He laughed. “Don't worry, I'm not turning into an alcoholic. Things have been tough and I guess you could say I turned to the bottle for comfort."

I smiled. I knew he would be okay.

"Tess, what about your parents?"

I shook my head. “Well, my mother knows, but I haven't told my father yet."

"How did your mother react?"

"Pissed. I can't believe I'm a grown woman and my parents still scare the shit out of me."

He reached across the table and held my hand. “You'll get through it. You're one hell of a strong woman."

"Sometimes I don't feel like it."

"You're also stubborn."

We both laughed.

"Kirk, are we... I mean..."

He seemed to be reading my mind.

"We're going to be okay. I still have a lot to deal with as well as you do, but if we keep ourselves open, I think we can make it. I might not be able to have you in my life the way I want, but I couldn't imagine my life completely without you."

Tears filled my eyes. In a matter of seconds I was sobbing.

Kirk stood and held out his hand. “Come here."

I placed my hand in his.

"Tess, everything will work out."

He wrapped his arms around me, holding my body tightly.

The sounds of the ocean filtered around us.

I sat on the edge of the bed in the guestroom. The house was silent. Kirk had gone to bed in our bedroom. It was a little after midnight when I called Diane.

"Hello."

"Diane, it's me."

She laughed.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Tess, like I didn't know who it was."

A large smile spread across my face. God it felt good to hear her voice. It felt good to actually have a real smile instead of one that was forced.

"So, how did it go with Kirk?"

The smile remained on my face. “Amazingly well."

Diane seemed surprised. “Really?"

"Yeah, I truly thought when he came by we'd be in another battle, but he wants to work through this as painlessly as possible."

"Where is he now?"

I paused for a second.

"Tess?"

"He's in... our bedroom, our ex bedroom. I don't know how to put it!"

Another pause then laughter. “Diane, there's nothing going..."

"Tess, chill. I know. Baby, I trust you."

I felt relief. I laughed, a complete laugh. I felt the first taste of freedom, of whom I truly was. What an amazing feeling.

"Did you discuss the kids?"

"No, but Kirk is taking tomorrow off and while they're at school we're going to sit down and get it all out."

"Tess, I can't believe this."

"Believe what?"

"Baby, I can't believe we're finally going to be together. No more sneaking around, no more of me wondering what you're doing, or if you're doing Kirk."

"Diane!"

"Well, wouldn't you wonder?"

I sighed. “You're right. Yes, I would."

"Tess, I absolutely adore you."

"Are you positive about that? I mean, are you sure I don't annoy you, and you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Well, you can annoy me, but I'll look that over and instead treasure your good qualities."

We laughed.

After getting off the phone with Diane, I checked on the kids. I admit before lying down, I couldn't help but check on Kirk.

I stood in the doorway for the longest time watching him sleep. His bare chest slowly moved up and down with each breath. All of it seemed to hit me right then and there. I would never sleep next to him again. We would never fuck or kiss. Quietly, I closed the bedroom door.

I permanently closed the door to our relationship.

EPILOGUE

The alarm clock rang too soon. I was exhausted, but most important, I was happy. I made the kids their breakfast. Kirk was still asleep.

Once the kids had left for school, I heard Kirk moving around upstairs. Taking a deep breath I put his plate of food down with a cup of black coffee on the table and waited.

"Something smells good,” said Kirk cheerfully. Deep down I knew it was a front. He was hurting. Hell, both of us were, but the cards had been laid out on the table. The only thing left was to play the rest of the hand.

He sat down, picking up the cup of coffee. I watched while he took a sip.

"Tess, do you mind if I eat first before discussing?"

I smiled. “Of course not."

"I take it the kids got off to school okay?"

"Yes."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I felt impatient to get the talk over with, but I knew it wouldn't be that simple.

Kirk finished his breakfast then got up to pour another cup. What seemed like hours although only a couple of minutes he sat back down, clearing his throat.

Mischievously he looked at me. “I guess you want the house?"

I laughed. “Yes, and all our earnings."

Now he laughed. “Talk about bleeding me dry."

"I'd never do that."

His laughter faded and he stared at his hands.

"Tess, seriously. Do you want the house?"

"No. There are too many memories. I need a fresh start."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

We discussed our financial settlement, easily agreeing. I know in a lot of divorce cases the word easy is rare, but it was obvious we were both tired and ready to move on.

"Kirk, you do realize I'll fight if you go for full custody of the kids."

"I know you would."

I took a sip of my lukewarm coffee. “So, how should we handle this?"

He sighed then released his thoughts. “Joint custody."

I nodded.

I took a long walk along the beach, inhaling the ocean air. I wondered how many more walks I had in this area. Would this be the last?

Although Kirk and I had talked through things, I still had a lot of unanswered questions flowing through my head.

I found one of my favorite spots to sit, right next to two large rocks. I fluffed out the beach towel and sat down, staring at the majestic wonder through my sunglasses, the crests of the waves, so white and pure. The dark blue, mixed with a lighter shade, shimmering, then fading for a split second.

Kirk and I had gone through everything. Deep down I knew he wouldn't go back on his word. He was a good man with flaws.

Nobody's perfect, and that included me.

My eyes closed. The sound of the waves and the seagulls circled around, crying out. Deep breath and my eyes opened to a new beginning.

Once back in the house, I made my way up to take a shower. Kirk was in the study probably making sure all was okay at the office.

I thought back to the day Mark had come over, making me aware of Kirk's possible affair. Part of me wanted to bring it up with him, but why bother? Mark knew and informed me. Their friendship was already in shambles.

The talk with Taylor and Tyler went better than I had expected. I really didn't know if they truly understood what was going on, but they seemed excited about having two homes.

I don't know. Maybe they were aware. Taylor informed us that a little girl in her room had two homes too.

We didn't discuss Diane and me. The topic would come up soon enough, but it was something I'd need to handle.

We also didn't discuss Megan, and her pregnancy, all in due time.

I sat at the kitchen table at my parent's house. This was the last straw in telling my dark secret. My father placed a cup of coffee by me while sitting down. My mother busied herself while bustling around the kitchen. She couldn't even look at me.

"Tess, what did you want to talk about?"

I took a deep breath and bravely made eye contact with my father. “Dad, Kirk and I... we're..."

Gently he placed his hand over mine. “What is it, sweetie?"

"We're getting a divorce."

As soon as those words left my lips, my mother dropped a plate. Pieces scattered all over the kitchen floor. My father jumped in his chair.

"Lois, everything okay?"

She mumbled a “yes."

He turned his attention back to me. “Tess, what happened? I thought the two of you were happy."

I shook my head, attempting to hold back the tears. “No, we haven't been for a long time."

My mother swept up the mess.

"You know how I feel about divorce."

My heart sank. God, I knew how he felt about divorce, homosexuality, swearing, all the things that were forced down my throat as being a fucking sin!

"I'm not happy, and it's unhealthy for the kids to be around this."

"I really think the two of you can work it out. Have you tried counseling?"

My mother released a sarcastic laugh. He turned to her, then back to me.

"Tess, why do I have a feeling you're not telling me everything that obviously your mother is aware of?"

I took a sip of my coffee, the burning sensation sliding down my throat. “Dad, there is something else."

"Well, what is it?"

"I... I'm a..."

Out of nowhere my mother slammed her fist down on the kitchen counter. We both jumped and our eyes widened with her next reaction.

"Oh Tess, just spit it out! You're a fucking lesbian and have been cheating on Kirk with you're dyke ass friend Diane!"

My father's mouth dropped, my heart rate quickened. I had never heard my mother use such vulgar language. It was right then and there I realized a battle was about to begin. For the first time in my life, I felt I might lose my parents, and not because of death.

My mother's language didn't seem to bother my father. I guess the fact of me being a lesbian weighed more on the scale of shock value.

"Tess, is this true?"

I nodded, now unable to look my father in the eyes.

The room filled with a deadening silence. I could feel a trickle of sweat sliding down the crease of my back.

"I don't understand. How could this happen? We sent you to the best schools, you went to church every Sunday, what did we do wrong?"

"Dad, absolutely nothing. All these years I've known who I truly am, but I also knew what you thought about homosexuality. I've been so afraid, but I can't be afraid anymore. It's who I am, and I happen to be in love with Diane. She makes me happy."

I watched while he massaged his temples. This time I made eye contact. Slowly I began to feel the relief. Everyone I loved finally knowing who I was and who I was in love with.

My mother made her way to the kitchen table, quickly pulling out the chair and sitting down. “You do know you're going to hell."

To my surprise my father sternly looked at her. “Lois!"

"She's going to hell! When I think about poor Kirk and what he must be going through!"

My temper began to rise.

"Well, Mom, I guess Kirk will be joining me in hell."

Her eyes widened. “What? For your sins?"

"No, his."

"It's best to let it all out. Kirk, has been having an affair also, but only after he found out about Diane and me."

It was one of those camera moments. Mouths dropped, eyes widened, and the shit had hit the fan.

I continued. “He also has managed to impregnate his girlfriend. So, before you begin throwing out that “I'm going to hell, and poor little Kirk, realize all of it!"

Both of them sat back in their chairs, silence filling the room again. I could feel the blood rapidly flooding through my veins.

I stared at my coffee cup and took a deep breath, attempting to calm down.

"I'm sorry if both of you feel I'm such a disappointment and disagree with my lifestyle, but there's nothing either of you can say that's going to change anything."

I looked at them, expecting any second for a round two blow up by my mother. Instead my father sighed.

"Tess, your mother and I don't agree with your choice of lifestyle."

Here it was coming. The next words out of his mouth would be telling me I was disowned.

"However, you're our only child. I can't imagine not having you in our lives."

I could tell by my mother's expression she wasn't happy with my father's words, but she remained silent.

"Tess, this is between you and the Lord."

I bit my ‘serpent” tongue. Leaving my parents’ home I really didn't know what to think. I guess it went better than I expected, but I know there would always be a tension between us.

"Tess, I want you and the kids to move in with me."

I stared at Diane for a second, wanting to jump at the opportunity.

"I would love nothing more than to, but I think Taylor and Tyler need some time to adjust."

She sighed. “Yeah, I guess you're right."

I smiled. “Mother knows best, and one day we'll be living together as one big happy family."

She returned my smile.

A few weeks later

I sat out on the deck. The moon cast its positive glow across the water.

The movers had spent the day packing up things. The kids were staying at Kirk's parents until I got their rooms ready. I had found a beach front home a few miles down the road. Of course it wasn't anything fancy. It was a simple one-story home with plenty of space for the kids.

Kirk had found a place in the city closer to his office. He was still seeing Megan, although she remained at her apartment.

"Tess?"

I turned and saw Kirk standing next to the slider.

He walked up to me and stared out at the ocean. “Are you going to your new home tonight?"

"Yes."

"Do you need help with anything?"

"No, I think the movers handled everything."

He stood next to me, we inhaled the ocean air. We inhaled our last breath as a couple.

I looked around our new home. Boxes cluttered every corner, but I couldn't help but feel good.

I had tackled the kid's room first making sure their beds were made and favorite toys were in place.

"What time are Kirk's parents dropping off the kids?” asked Diane.

"In a couple of hours. Why?"

"Mm. I thought maybe we could break in your new bed."

I made my way to her, pulling her body close to mine.

"Diane, I do love the way you think."

I had lurked in the shadows of denial far too long. I was finally free and in love.

I was a daughter, a mother and a lover, a lover to my beautiful Diane.