           Secrets

           By Suzi Jay.

           2010.

           © 2010, 2011 by Suzi Jay.

           All rights reserved. No part of this

           document may be reproduced or

           transmitted in any form or by any means,

           electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording,

           or otherwise, without prior written permission of
 Suzi Jay.

           http://www.suzijay.co.uk/

Dedication

 “Secrets” is dedicated to those who believed in me in the past, those who believe in me now and those who will continue to believe in me.  You know who you are.
 There is no need for a long list of names.

We all have secrets, but maybe we shouldn’t have.

           Chapter One.

           Lucy stood at the altar, dressed in her exquisite, expensive handmade ivory antique lace and satin wedding dress which clung to her in all the right places emphasising her beautiful figure, listening to the Vicar as if she was underwater; as if she was watching the proceedings unfold in slow motion, happening to someone else, not her. How on earth could she have let things get to this point?

           There was no way that she could continue to live this lie, no matter how disappointed her parents would be, no matter how many people she upset and hurt. She had to put herself first. It would only cause more pain later if she didn't put an end to this now. In her heart of hearts she knew that this would be the best thing that she could do, but she didn't know how to do it, or if she could. This would change everything. Not just for her and her life either, this would affect everyone around her. Was she really brave enough?

           She looked around her, at the beautiful, delicate and intricate flower arrangements, the church full of people, both those who were more than welcome and those who she would rather weren't here. All of her friends, family, the business clients her parents and his parents 'needed' to invite all dressed up, all looking expectantly at her and she felt a huge wave of guilt crash over her.  Guilt for the money spent, for wasting so much time, for the pain that she was about to cause the man at her side, for the shame which would obviously be bought on her family, which undoubtedly she would never hear the end of – that is if her parents ever spoke to her again, let alone forgave her. Could she really do this? But wasn't the idea of living the rest of her life as a lie even worse and more unthinkable?

           Lucy went through the motions of the wedding, detached from everything. She heard the hymns being sung, the words being spoken by the vicar none of these things seemed real, it felt like a waking nightmare. 

           “I do.” She heard Max say the words loud and clearly full of pride. These two little words were the dreaded words, the ones which had been filling her nightmares recently and just couldn't believe that she was about to do this to him, to their families and to all the guests. She glanced behind her at the only other person who knew how she was feeling, what was going on in her mind.

           Harriet (known as Harry), her Maid of Honour dressed in a beautiful floor length pale blue silk gown, holding a perfect simple bouquet of white roses. Harry looked back at her, giving her a supportive smile. Lucy knew that Harry thought this was a terrible mistake, but also that as her best friend she would (and had all the way through this) support her through whatever decision she made. She had made that so clear.

           “Lucy?” The Vicar bought her back to reality and to being stood there, he was waiting for an answer, Max was waiting for an answer, her parents, his parents, the whole gathering of their friends and families were all waiting for her to say those two little words. Those two little words which would totally change her life forever, and right at this moment she couldn't see how it would be for the better. The atmosphere full of all their expectant thoughts was suffocating, crushing. She had to decide now. Hurt everyone or live a lie?

           “Lucy? Are you all right?” The caring sound of Max's voice penetrated her thoughts, could she really do this to him? Here? In front of everyone? But could she go through with this and live a lie for the rest of her life either? “Lucy? Sweetheart?”

           “Max, I'm..... I'm... I can't... I'm sorry, I just can't do this” and with that she just turned and fled with everyone looking on in horror at the perfect bride having just jilted her perfect husband-to-be at the altar and ruining the perfect wedding.

           Lucy ran she didn't know where she was going or what she was going to do, all she knew is that she had to get as far away from this church and the people in it as fast as possible. The tears streamed down her face, her hair started to come loose but nothing mattered – all that mattered was getting away and finding a safe place away from everything and everyone so she could think. 

           Although she knew that she was doing the right thing for both of them, she felt terrible for having done things like this. She really didn't mean for things to have gone this far, she had tried pulling the plug so many times, but her pushy Mother and his dictator Mother just kept on about it being “pre wedding nerves,” “cold feet” or “just the jitters darling”. It wasn't, she knew it wasn't. She couldn't carry on living such a lie. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to Max.

           Max was lovely, a gentleman, someone who would do anything he could to make her happy. He is everything that any girl “in her right mind” would want in a prospective husband. Totally wonderful, kind, attentive, rich, fantastic and successful. But he just wasn't what Lucy wanted. She had never wanted all this, never wanted the full white wedding, she didn't want to be Mrs Max Winthrop She didn't want to be Mrs anyone. She had just got caught up trying to please her parents, trying to be someone and something she couldn't ever be. Swept along with how things “should be” apparently. What had started as a dinner date had suddenly become the rest of her life.

           She couldn't breathe, she felt trapped by what she had run away from, of what she knew she had to return to and face at some point. She couldn't just vanish no matter how much she wished she could at this moment. She stopped and looked around, she had no idea where she was or how far she had run. All she knew is that at this moment in time she was stood in the middle of the park dressed in the most expensive dress she had ever seen, complete with veil and bouquet with makeup streaked down her tear stained face. She knew that she was being stared at; she knew that she needed to get out of here; she needed to be somewhere safe. She had just hurt one of the nicest and kindest people in her life and probably destroyed everything. There was no way that she could go back to work now, everyone would know and she couldn't deal with the humiliation and shame of it all, no one would understand. Her life as she knew it was now officially over. Maybe she should have just gone along with the charade for the sake of everyone else. Would those doubts ever diminish? 

           From the outside what she had just run away from had been perfect. Perfect, but not for her. She couldn't go home – it had been their home, she needed somewhere just for her. She had no money, no phone, nothing. She wasn't expecting to have done this. Even up until she had been standing at the altar had decided just to go ahead with this and to become what her parents wanted and to produce the grandchildren they wanted, rather than live the life she wanted. Even when Harry had looked her deep in her eyes and asked her why she was going to do this she remained convinced it was best for everyone. However it was when she was stood at the altar, when she was hearing the wedding vows, when she looked around and saw the expectant faces on everyone present, when she had looked behind her and seen the most supportive smile of Harry that she realised that she just couldn't go through with this. It wasn't Max that she wanted. 

           Her fleeing from the altar had been the culmination of feelings and events leading up to the wedding and also to what had led her to now being totally alone standing in the middle of the park feeling wretched, as if she had betrayed everyone and everything that she had ever worked towards.

           Lucy was bought back from her thoughts by hearing someone shouting her name from across the park. Startled she looked around, dreading it being Max, his parents or her parents... It wasn't, it was worse, much much worse.

           “Lucy what the hell are you doing? What are you doing here? You should be getting married, you have left your husband-to-be standing alone at the altar to explain to everyone and he doesn't know what's going on. He is devastated and having to deal with all the guests, parents and the vicar. I don't know how you could possibly ever do this to him. Max has never done anything but be a perfect gentleman to you. How could you treat him like this?”

           As her inquisitor paused for breath Lucy wished that the ground would open up and swallow her whole. Almost anyone would be preferable to have found her rather than Emilia. Lucy knew how Emilia felt about Max. She had always known. Emilia had never felt that Lucy was good enough, after all she hadn't been a debutante, her parents weren't from “proper aristocracy” and she had no plans to give up her career and stay home to be the “perfect wife and hostess” for her husband.

           Lucy couldn't take it, not from Emilia, not now, not today and not ever. She did something that she had never done before, she bit back.

           “Emilia, what are you doing here? Don't you think that this would be your perfect opportunity to be there for Max, to comfort him, to remind him how much more fucking perfect you are for him than me?” Lucy took in the look on Emilia’s face and knew that she was about to give her everything that she had stored up and all the angst she was now feeling about herself and her own decisions more than about her in particular.

           “What you don't think that I knew? I have always known you jumped up self opinionated scheming bitch. I know that you have been plotting and planning and do you know what? I don't actually give a shit, I never did. I knew that he didn't want you. Why would he? Yes you may have parents who are so far up themselves and the rest of the old boys clubs, yes you may have been a debutante, but that's it. All you have is your looks. You think that you could keep a man like Max entertained for long? Really? He likes more than just pretty things you know; he likes to have a conversation. You think that you and he have ever been more than just a quick fumble in a hotel room? Oh yes I knew about that too. You are welcome to try to keep him all to yourself. I'd wish you luck, but I hate you, and actually I don't hate him so I hope he never even looks at you again. You are nothing but a mean, spiteful, manipulative bitch. Just tell him I'm sorry.”

            As Emilia stood gob-smacked, Lucy regained her composure, wishing that she hadn't lost it in the first place and walked away with as much dignity as she could. Walked away to the unknown: from one life to start the next.

           Chapter Two

           Lucy had no idea how she had got there, but somehow she found herself in a hotel room calling Harry. She needed to hear her voice, she needed her help and more than that she needed to know that her best friend understood. She was scared to make the call, but the Dutch courage from the mini bar had helped.

           “Hello?”

           “Hi Harry, its Lucy.”

           “Lucy? Oh thank god, I have been so worried about you, you've been missing for hours, where are you babe?  Tell me and I’ll come and get you.”

           “I'm in the hotel Majestic on the other side of town with no money and still dressed in my bloody wedding dress” Lucy started to relax as she heard Harry giggling, “I don't know what you are laughing at, today has been a total disaster!”

           “Not a total disaster, just a near catastrophe Hun.”

           “Oh god I've ruined everything. What have I done?”

           “You have finally stood up for what you want. That's all. OK so the fall out was quite spectacular and you could have probably told him when it was just the two of you, rather than in front of about five hundred people in a packed church, but hey?”

           “I don't know what to do. I have no money, I can't go back to work or I will be a laughing stock, I have no clothes, no home, nothing except this bloody dress that I am standing up in.” As the enormity of what she had thrown away hit her she could feel the panic rising and the tears streaming once again down her face.

           “OK, OK don't panic I will come and rescue you, be your knight in shining armour, but I can't manage the white stead; you will have to make do with my old rust-bucket of a car instead. Just stay where you are.” Harry laughed, breaking the tension instantly.

           “I'm sorry”

           “What you sorry for?”

           “Everything? For dragging you into this, for calling you, for what I have done to Max, for the mess I am now in, for everything.”

           “Don't be daft. We can sort everything out together. Just give me a while to get to you OK?”

           “OK Harry, and thank you.”

           Lucy put the phone down and just collapsed in a heap on the floor into a mixture of relief and of total despair at how things had turned out today. After a while she went to the bathroom and started to scrub off as much of the makeup as she could. As she was taking it off layer by layer her thoughts turned to Harry.

           Nothing had happened between them, ever. Lucy had only ever been very good friends with Harry. They had been best friends ever since university where they had been next door to each other in halls. Harry had always been the life and soul of the party, outgoing, popular, friendly and openly gay and proud of it. Lucy on the other hand had been totally miserable, hated living in halls and struggled with having to find new friends and although academically she did really well being top of her classes, emotionally she had been a wreck – that is until she became very firm friends with Harry. The two of them became inseparable outside lectures as they were doing different courses. Harry was studying law hoping with the grand ideals of setting up her own law firm specialising in women's law. Lucy was studying to become a primary school teacher. Both loved their courses and both worked hard to get the grades they needed.

           As soon as they could they both moved out of halls into a small and poky, damp but cheap flat in the hope that Lucy would settle better and wouldn't find her teaching practices as tough as she wouldn't be up all night listening to others playing music loudly and getting drunk till all hours. Lucy was trying not to make Harry feel bad. She had offered to just buy somewhere for them to stay, but Harry wouldn't hear of it. Too stubborn and too independent for her own good. But the small and miserable flat had become theirs. At least this way they could both focus on their studies but still have parties and friends over on a fairly regular basis. It gave them the freedom to have the best of both worlds. Lucy's parents hated the fact she was living in such a terrible flat and offered many times to buy her a flat or house of her choice, but she wanted to do this her own way. They also hated that her best friend was openly gay – something that in their opinion was wrong. Lucy argued and argued with them over it. In the end they just stopped complaining as they believed that the friendship would just “fizzle out.” It didn't much to their absolute horror and open disgust. They just had a terrible fear that Harriet (they refused to call her Harry ever) would “turn our darling girl that way inclined”. What they didn't know is that Lucy had already started falling for Harry but would never act on her feelings purely because she didn't want to disappoint her parents; she knew that they would never cope, she would be disowned. It was too much to contemplate. So she hadn't. She had carried on the pretence of boyfriends and worked hard. It worked, her parents were thrilled when she bought Max home and after a couple of years he asked their permission to ask for her hand in marriage. He was, as she kept being told, “A perfect match darling. You would be well advised to accept his proposal. You could do so much worse.”  The thing was she didn't feel the same way that he felt about her. She couldn't. She still loved Harry and the feelings weren't going away, they were only growing stronger all the time.

           Her memories were disturbed by a knock at the door. She answered it to find Harry standing there with a bag. Lucy didn't need to say anything, Harry reached forward and pulled her friend towards her and pulled her close for a hug. Lucy found the comforting almost too much to bear; she couldn't help it and started crying again.

           “Not on the doorstep darling, remember your composure” said Harry in a perfect imitation of Lucy's mother. Lucy smiled as she invited Harry in. Harry picking up the bag followed her friend into the room.

           “It's a bit late to be worrying about my composure darling. Not only have I just thrown my whole life away, been disowned by my parents I'd imagine but I totally lost it in the park with Emilia. I think composure is the least of my sodding worries.”

           “You did what? You lost it with Emilia? About bloody time, tell me everything.”

           As Lucy had expected from her friend she had arrived with a change of clothes, make up remover, her makeup bag and all the other essentials.

           While Harry unpacked the bag onto the bed she listened to Lucy telling her what happened after she ran out of the church including in minute details what happened with Emilia. Harry hated Emilia there was nothing negative in what she was being told. She did however think that Lucy could have been a “bit more honest.”

           Lucy looked at her phone; saw that there were 17 missed calls and 23 new texts. She threw the phone casually onto the bed; she couldn't deal with all those right now. She didn't want to have to explain anything to anyone. At least with Harry she knew that she wouldn't have to. Harry would stand by her no matter what.

           “Come on then, let’s get you out of that dress shall we?”

           As Harry started undoing the lacing at the back of her dress Lucy could not believe how she was feeling. She had dreamed of Harry undressing her for years and now it was happening she felt so torn. She wanted to turn round, kiss and make love to her but knew that this would not be the right time. There was no way that she would even imply to Harry that anything she felt for her was only “rebound” emotions. Lucy needed Harry to understand that her feelings were not only real, but powerful and long lasting. So she stood there as Harry’s deft fingers slid under the ribbon and eventually pulled her free from the suffocating dress. Both girls knew that Lucy would feel better in her own clothes after a shower.

           Harry helped Lucy to step out of the dress which she picked off the floor and placed carefully on a chair in the corner of the room. As she returned to Lucy she smiled.

           “What's so funny?”

           “Funny? Nothing, why?”

           “I saw you smiling”

           “Just thinking how fab you look, I was right, that underwear is perfect for a wedding day... or night”

           “Thanks, shame it's been wasted then isn't it?”

           “Oh I wouldn't say that...”

           Harry had always flirted outrageously with her friend and Lucy had always flirted back, although even though Harry had no idea today Lucy wanted it to be real, not just flirting.

           “What are you thinking? You seem miles away Luce”

           “Too many things”

           “Good or bad?” Harry asked with a wink.

           “Mixture of both to be honest. Wondering how Max is, knowing I have to speak to him and my parents, dreading the fall out, but also knowing that I did the right thing. I think”

           “Totally understandable Hun. Don't panic about Max and sorting everything out, that can wait.” Harry saw her friend grimace, “Really it can. You know you don't have to deal with anything on your own, you know that I will be there with you all the way. I always have been haven't I?”

           “You have and I am really grateful. I just don't know how I made such a mess of everything. I should have told him earlier how I was feeling. I should never have let it get to this. It wasn't fair on him. How on earth am I going to face him again or my parents? Oh god, what have I done?”

           “You have done what you had to. Yes you should have told him earlier – but I told you that ages ago when you first seemed so hesitant about everything. Yes it's a mess at the moment, but it is all sort-able. How are you going to face him? Simple, you are going to meet him somewhere neutral and you are going to be a grown up and just deal with it because you have to.”

           Lucy knew that Harry was right. She always had been very straight talking, very down to earth and very matter of fact. Harry had always been there through everything and had always been a constant support. Lucy knew that this time would be no different. She started to relax and began to let Harry take charge and look after her.

           “Now you may look totally gorgeous in that lingerie, but honestly that make up really has to go it really doesn't suit the look, perfect for a wedding, but not for standing in your lingerie in front of your best friend. Shower. Go.”

           Harry had moved closer and had her hands on Lucy's shoulders gently pushing her towards the bathroom.

           “OK OK I'm going” laughed Lucy. It was good to laugh, she hadn't done much of that recently, or so it felt.

           Once she was in the bathroom she started running the shower to get it hot whilst she was taking off her makeup. Harry had thought of everything. She undressed and stepped into the hot and steamy shower. The hot water felt good as it ran over her, washing away the hair spray, her perfume which Max had bought for her, and more importantly the stress and the feeling of being trapped and suffocated by her situation. The shower not only got rid of the outside trappings which she had been forced to wear, but enabled her for the first time in ages to begin to feel like Lucy, to feel free.

           As the water and the hotel soap ran over her body she came to several decisions. She would tell Harry how she felt. Not yet, not today but she would. She would confess everything. It was only fair that Harry knew.

           “Lucy? Hun you ok? I thought you might need this” Harry had walked into the bathroom and was standing on the other side of the shower holding a glass. This was nothing unusual, they even had put a chair in the bathroom when they were sharing a flat together so that they could sit and talk if one of them was in the bath.

           “You must have read my mind; a drink is exactly what I need and then a few more after that.”

           Harry handed Lucy one of the hotel towels which she wrapped around herself, she was then handed the drink which she took and drank in one gulp.

           “More?”

           Lucy nodded. She deserved it. She had changed her life today; she deserved to get well and truly plastered to celebrate.

           As Lucy returned to the hotel room she found Harry emptying the contents of the mini bar into two glasses.

           “I assumed that as you had this room that we could stay here tonight so I could drink too and then drive us back to mine in the morning?”

           “Oh god I haven't even got my cards. How the hell am I going to pay for this room? They only let me have it as they took pity on me in my wedding dress. I told them that I had been dumped at the altar, not that I had done the dumping.”

           “Don't worry Luce; it's all taken care of. I took the opportunity while you were in the shower to call down to room service and get some more booze and something to eat.”

           Once again Lucy felt so looked after by her best friend. She was genuinely touched by her thought.

           “What would I do without you?”

           Harry handed Lucy her glass which she downed in one ending with a cough and spluttering.

           “Bloody hell, what the fuck was in that?” She asked once the burning had subsided.

           “Erm, a bit of everything that was in the mini bar” Harry giggled. “Got an erm, distinct taste hasn't it?” She properly laughed

           “Distinct taste? It was bloody horrible.... got any more?”

           “Nope that was it, but room service should be here soon.”

           With that there was a knock at the door.

           “Hello?” Harry asked

           “Room service” came the reply.

           “Ahha, saved by the man with the red jacket, silver trolley, dinner and vodka” laughed Harry as she opened the door.

           Lucy couldn't contain herself anymore and burst out laughing collapsing on the bed as she did so.

           After the porter had put the food and vodka on the table he turned and left, leaving the friends to themselves.

           “What are you like?” Harry laughed, lying on the sofa next to Lucy.

           Lucy couldn't bear the closeness of knowing that Harry was there next to her, she was available. Everything she wanted was within her reach, all she needed to do was roll over and take it. She wanted it so badly, but was so scared of rejection.

           As she was letting her mind wander to what she would like to happen right at that moment whilst continuing to drink the vodka in doubles Harry's phone rang and broke her train of thought.

           Chapter Three

           “Oh shit, it's Andrea” Harry slurred looking at her phone screen.

           Lucy hoped against hope that Harry ignored the phone. “Shit, Andrea. Bloody woman” thought Lucy. “I forgot about her.”

           Andrea was Harry's date for the day. Harry had been admiring her, well drooling over her, from afar for a while and had only recently become brave enough to ask her to Lucy's wedding as her date. Lucy had never understood why Harry hadn't settled down with anyone, or why she was so reluctant to ask Andrea out before now when it was very obvious how much she liked her.

           Harry answered the phone and Lucy poured another drink and tried to look as if she wasn't listening to the conversation which in her current state wasn't proving easy. 

           “Andrea, hi... drunk? Nearly” Harry laughed as she slurred into the phone. “Not funny? No, I s'pose it isn't. Sorry... no I didn't mean to leave you but I needed to help Luce... No I couldn't just leave her... but she's my best friend” There was a large pause. “If that's what you think... OK if that's how you feel” and with that Harry put the phone down, finished her drink and started laughing loudly.

           “Didn't go well huh?”

           “Well? Erm, no.”

           “Sorry”

           “It's ok. She'll get over it.”

           “You think?”

           Harry tried to do a convincing nod and failed as Lucy handed Harry another large drink which she swallowed quickly.  Although she felt guilty for apparently ruining Harry's chances with Andrea Lucy couldn't help but be secretly excited as this might just be her chance.

           The pair sat on the large bed drinking away their retrospective thoughts, guilt and pain watching the sun setting through the large window. The glow in the room started closing it in, making Lucy's emotions more intense and she started crying silently. Harry noticed and pulled her towards her resting Lucy's head on her ample breast.

           “Oh Hunni, come on it'll be OK.” Harry stroked Lucy's hair trying to calm her.

           “How can you say that? How can it be OK? I have nothing and I have to start all over again.”

           “You haven't lost everything. I'm still here, you still have me.” Harry turned to look at Lucy who had turned her head to look at Harry.

           “I'm so lucky to have you as a friend” Lucy noticed the look on Harry's face change, “What’s up? What have I said?”

           Harry stood up and walked into the bathroom. Lucy followed and was shocked to hear Harry locking the door.

           “Harry what? Please tell me what's up? I am really really sorry I have ruined things for you too; I didn't mean to, I shouldn't have called. I am so sorry about Andrea.”

           She stood back hearing Harry unlock and pull the door open.

           “Andrea? You think this is about Andrea?”

           Lucy was shocked; she had never heard Harry talk to her in such an angry and aggressive tone. She knew she had screwed up, but this just felt wrong.

           “I don't know what else it is. I am sorry, I didn't mean...”

           “Will you stop it? Just stop. This has nothing to do with Andrea. Don't you see?”

           “See what?”

           Harry strode across the room, reached for her glass and drained it in one mouthful. She refilled it and drained it again.

           Lucy went over and put her hand on Harry's shoulder turning her gently towards her, “Tell me. Tell me what is going on”

           “I can't.”

           “Why not? What is so terrible that you can't tell me? I have told you everything in the past and you haven't ever judged me, why would I judge you?”

           “Trust me, this I can't tell you.”

           “I can't believe that. You have to be able to. You're my best friend.”

           Lucy watched as her friend struggled with whatever it was that was on her mind and watched as she continued to drink. She was worried. She hadn't seen her friend like this before.

           “Harry, please. What is it? You said it wasn't Andrea...”

           “You really don't see do you?” She smiled in desperation

           “I don't understand what you mean. See what?”

           With that Harry leant forward and kissed Lucy hard on the lips. A proper kiss full of passion. Lucy drank in the moment, the feel of Harry pressing herself to her, the warmth of her, the feel of her rounded breasts, and the feel of her hands around her. At the same time she was scared. She was terrified that this would change everything between them, as if nothing else had changed already for her today.  She found herself asking the same question which she had been asking all day, was this a good idea?

           Harry pulled away and looked straight into Lucy's eyes, “See I told you it had nothing to do with Andrea. Do you see now? It's not Andrea I want, it's not anyone else, and all I want is you.”

           “Me?”

           Harry nodded. “Of course it's you. I have loved you from the first time I met you. I knew I didn't have a chance so have been happy to be your friend, but tonight I realised I want more. I don't want to be 'just' your friend anymore”

           “Why now?”

           “I don't know... I wasn't ever going to tell you. You had Max, you seemed happy with him until all the pressure of the wedding and I knew that you weren't interested in me anyway, I haven't got the right equipment” she smiled.

           “Oh you know that do you?” Lucy smiled back and raised her left eyebrow “You don't get it either do you? It's not Max I wanted, why do you think that I ran away today? Why was it you that I called?”

           “Because you were scared? Because you didn't want to be married? The pressure got too much? Because you couldn't remember any one else's number?”

           “No. It was because I didn't want Max. I don't want anyone, it's you I want. I always have done.”

           Harry looked shocked at her friends’ big revelation. Both girls had almost immediately sobered up as they had started to be totally honest with each other. They both knew however that if today's pressure and copious amounts of alcohol hadn't been involved neither of them would have said anything, neither of them would have risked their friendship.

           “What do you mean it's me that you want? You can't do. You're straight.”

           “I always thought I was. Until I met you. I have been trying to keep up appearances, but it's been getting harder and harder when all I wanted was to be with you.”

           “Why didn't you say anything?”

           “Oh yeah that would have been such an easy conversation to have wouldn't it? Oh babe, you know that I am involved with Max, well I don't want to be with him anymore because I have been having the most amazing and vivid fantasies about you?”

           “You've been having fantasies about me?” Harry looked smug and intrigued, “You're going to have to tell me all about them?” She laughed

           “You have got to be kidding.” Lucy fell comfortably into the arms of Harry and felt safe, she felt happy, relieved and totally free, “So oh expert lesbian, why didn't you say anything?”

           “Because I don't wreck relationships and you were straight and involved remember... I always thought friendship was better than nothing and I didn't want to do anything to wreck that. You mean so much to me.”

           Harry bent her head towards Lucy and kissed her. She wanted her more than ever at this moment and Lucy felt the same. They moved seamlessly together to the bed and lay down in each other’s arms.

           Chapter Four

           As they lay deep in their own thoughts both Harry and Lucy wanted to take it further, but something stopped them.

           Harry was scared of ruining their friendship, she thought she might have done that already and didn't want to do anything that Lucy might regret later. She also wasn't totally sure that she believed Lucy in what she had said that night. If she had totally loved Harry and if she had wanted to be with her then why not mention it? Why not give her some kind of clue? Harry knew that Lucy was terrified of 'letting down' her parents, of not following through with the family plans, but she also knew that if Lucy wanted something badly enough she was normally able to get it, all she ever had to do was speak to her Father and whatever it was miraculously appeared for her. Harry was scared that should this continue to develop between them then things would be so different. She would be risking everything. She couldn't risk losing the most important person in her life. Harry didn't have her parents around anymore, they had both passed away years before hand and she had been an only child, so Lucy really was the only person in the world who meant everything to her. Could she really risk all that? But on the other hand she knew it would be good between them. She knew that it would last forever, if she had hold of Lucy and her love then she wouldn't let anything come between them ever. But could she ask Lucy to risk her relationship with her parents for the sake of a relationship with her?

           Lucy snuggled into Harry's shoulder as she had done so many times before as friends, but this was different, it felt different – closer, more intense making her feel safe and loved and free. She let her hands move over Harry's stomach but stopped herself. Was this really what Harry wanted? What about the consequences? She had so many consequences to deal with already, the fallout from her running out on Max today, on what she had said to Emilia, of having to talk to her parents. She knew that they wouldn't be taking everything very well and she knew that they would be trying to deal with the mess for her. Really and truly she knew that she should have spoken to her parents, sending a text saying 'don't worry am safe. Will call tomorrow' really wasn't good enough, but she also knew that they would understand why she couldn't go through with the wedding, even if they didn't understand her feelings towards Harry.

           Lying in the dark in silence, just holding each other they both struggled with the thoughts and doubts running through their heads. They both wanted this, why did everything else seem to be conspiring against them.

           “Harry are you awake?”

           “Yeah Hun”

           “Are you OK?”

           “I think so babe, are you? It's been a difficult day huh?”

           “Difficult? Yup and entirely my fault.”

           “Not all your fault, I shouldn't have said anything.”

           Lucy pushed herself up on her elbow so she could look Harry in the eye.

           “Maybe not, but I'm glad you did.”

           “Really?”

           “Oh yes. Most definitely.” Lucy smiled at the beautiful woman lying beside her. She leant down and kissed Harry who kissed her back.

           “Lucy, are you really sure this is what you want?”

           “Oh yeah”

           “What about your parents? What about everything with Max?”

           “Can we not talk about them now? All of that can wait till at least tomorrow, right now I just want you in this hotel room and nothing else. Can't we just have that?”

           “But this will change everything between us. We will never be able to go back to the way that things were. Ever. Are you sure you want to risk that?”

           “Will you just shut up and kiss me? I want this. I want you”

           Harry lost her resolve and did what any hot blooded and incredibly turned on woman would do in that situation. She rolled Lucy over onto her back, lent over her and kissed her with all the passion which she had been trying to contain for years.

           Lucy felt like she was in heaven, the butterflies in her tummy had changed and were exploding with each touch that Harry was making, with each breath that she could feel on her skin. This is what she had wanted for years. She had no intention of anything ever coming between them.

           Harry's hand slipped down between the hotel towel which was still wrapped around Lucy's body and moved down to cup her breast. She had wanted to do this for years, now she couldn't believe how lucky she was. She held Lucy's breast in her hand amazed at how right this all felt, at how soft her skin was and how much she wanted more. Harry gently undid the towel kissing Lucy as she did it. She felt Lucy gasp as the towel fell loosely to her sides exposing her body to the night air, to the waiting hands and mouth of Harry who wasted no time in taking full advantage - greedily taking Lucy's right nipple in her mouth playing with it with her tongue.

           Lucy lay back trying to take in what was happening to her, trying to soak up the moments so she could replay them later in her mind. She was enjoying every touch, every movement, every flicker of Harry's expert hands and tongue. This was her first ever experience with another woman and although it was the most amazing experience of her life she was scared about the possibility of disappointing Harry. The typical female paranoia was striking hard. She was worried that she wouldn't be any good compared to those in Harry's past - of which she knew there were many. She worried that her body wasn't perfect; she worried that she wouldn't know what to do. She worried about everything and it all hit at once.

           Harry stopped what she was doing and looked deep into Lucy's eyes, “You OK? What is it? Do you want me to stop? See I knew this wasn't a great idea.”

           “Stop? No. Nothing’s wrong, it's all great. Please don't stop”

           “I know you, remember. Tell me.”

           “You'll think I'm being silly”

           “Probably, but tell me anyway.”

           “I've never done this before, what if I'm no good?”

           “You are daft you know, and I love you for it.” Harry kissed Lucy deeply, “This isn't an exact science we just explore each other until we learn what we like. The same as anything. If you like something tell me, if you don't tell me. If there is something that you like then you should show me. I promise to do the same... It's OK to be nervous.  You sure you want this? You sure you want me to carry on?” Lucy nodded, “Just tell me to stop if you want me to. OK?” Lucy nodded again as she felt Harry's hand slide down from around her face to her breast.

           As she felt Harry's hand delicately moving over her breasts she felt the most turned on that she had ever felt. She had never felt like this when anyone else had touched her. Lucy gasped as Harry's hand moved down from her breast over her stomach and further down. She wanted to scream. This was amazing. This was heaven. Harry didn't let her hand stop where Lucy was desperate to feel it, her hand carried on moving down over her thighs exploring her body little by little.

           Lucy shuddered as she felt the intensity building up inside her, she was ready to explode. She had waited so long for this and now here she was experiencing the touch, the feel and the electricity of Harry which was currently running through her at the speed of light. She honestly had never felt anything like this before. She knew that she should be returning the experiences but right now she was too shocked to do anything, this was what she had always thought an 'out of body' experience would feel like. It was just amazing. She was right on the brink of the most amazing orgasm she had ever had. She knew it would only take one small touch by Harry to make her explode. She willed Harry to make that touch, to just let her hand go where Lucy so desperately wanted, needed it to be placed

           Almost as if she had heard Lucy's silent screaming Harry slowly and gently let her fingers which were so delicately touching Lucy's skin move up from her thigh, up past her haven, up over her stomach, circle her breasts and move back down. She had no reason to part Lucy's legs as they were already open showing the glistening shine showing her fingers the way. She allowed herself to continue building Lucy's expectation and desire by circling the inside of Lucy's thighs, only just touching her. At last she decided that Lucy couldn't take any more and thrust her fingers deep inside the most wonderful woman who was trembling with excitement below her. As her fingers entered Lucy she paused as she let out a scream of delight as she came hard. With each movement of her fingers Harry could feel the tightening of Lucy as she came more and more. She leaned back up towards Lucy's head and kissed her hard whilst her fingers were playing deep inside causing Lucy to shake with orgasm after orgasm.

           Harry stopped to let Lucy catch her breath and to come down slightly, knowing that when she carried on it would be far more intense for her lover who was currently struggling trying to undo the jeans that she was wearing. Harry hadn't waited to take off any of her clothes, and had only kicked off her shoes when they had moved to the bed.

           Lucy was struggling with the fastenings to Harry's clothes, it felt all different and she was quite wiped out after coming so much and so hard. She had heard it was possible to have more than one orgasm but hadn't ever really believed it. Not that she had often reached orgasm without 'd-i-y-ing' anyway, no man had managed it.

           Harry laughed, “For a woman you are being particularly crap at taking my clothes off!”

           “Be nice, it's my first time!”

           “Excuses, excuses” she laughed

           Lucy ignored trying to get Harry's jeans off and had placed her hand up and under the shirt which she was wearing, she felt the satin and lace of the bra and let her fingers trace the pattern, to trace around the outline of her nipple, to tease Harry in the same way that she had been teased. Harry helped undo the buttons and remove her clothes leaving her wearing nothing but her expensive satin and lace lingerie. She looked stunning and Lucy couldn't help but take in a sharp intake of breath at how sexy she looked. She couldn't work out why she looked so different when she had seen her wearing less than this and it hadn't affected her in this way before, she had admired her friend previously and secretly found her incredibly sexy and wanted to have this opportunity which she had now. Harry was hers.

           Harry let Lucy explore her slowly without pressure knowing that this was the first time that she had ever explored any other woman. She was privileged. Although she was used to being touched by women who were far more experienced than Lucy she had never felt anything like the tingling excitement coursing through her body as Lucy awkwardly ran her fingers over her body. She was confused as to how someone so inexperienced could make her feel like this. Although she had had sex with loads of others before this was truly the first time that she had ever made love to anyone. It was just so different. They spent the rest of the night exploring, touching and tasting each other completely. They finally fell asleep in each other’s arms, truly satisfied for the first time.

           Lucy awoke to sunlight pouring in through the large windows.  The bright light was shining on Harry's body almost as if giving its blessing for the new standing of their relationship and it gave her hope for the future.

           She leant over and kissed Harry, waking her slowly and gently. Lucy allowed herself to let her hands run over Harry's naked body starting at her thighs and running up and over her beautiful body. She savoured watching Harry writhe as she began to rouse from sleep.

           “Good morning gorgeous” Lucy loved that this would be how she could wake up Harry ever morning from now on,

           “Good morning yourself sexy” Harry sat up and leaned forward to kiss Lucy.

           As they began to continue their exploration of each other, feeling their temperatures rising and the desire growing more and more intense. Not surprising after their amazing love making and orgasm sessions last night! The kissing and touching was becoming more intimate, more passionate, more urgent as Lucy’s body totally gave in to the feelings that Harry’s fingers were creating. She knew that this was how she wanted to spend every morning, waking up next to this amazing woman who she knew so much about and feeling her hands over her body.  Orgasms for breakfast sounded so heavenly, mind you not only sounded right now, this was as close to perfection as she ever thought it was possible to get. Every other thought was pushed from her mind as her baser instincts took over. She wanted to touch and be touched, she wanted to explode with pleasure and make her lover explode. That was all. Nothing else mattered. All there was were her, Harry, here, now and the future which she knew right now would be forever. She couldn’t imagine anything that could possibly chance her mind.

           ‘So this is what total satisfaction, desire and love feels like then?’  She thought as she lay back relaxing after they had both exhausted themselves, she turned to Harry with a grin wider than she ever thought possible on her face,

           “So it is always like this then?”

           “Huh?”

           “Just so fucking amazing.” She blushed, suddenly feeling silly, “You know I’ve never actually come like that before, and you make it seem so easy. Was it ok for you?”

           Harry rolled onto her side, leaning up on her elbow and laughed,

           “What? What’s so funny?”

           “You.” Harry leant over and kissed Lucy full, hard and definitely on the lips, “OK? You ask me if it was OK?” She shook her head in disbelieve, “Darling I have wanted you for such a long time, OK doesn’t come close, you really are absolutely amazing. All I want is to spend the rest of my life with you, lying in bed with you and making you explode as often as possible. “

           “Really?”

           “Really. I promise.”

           Harry was on top of Lucy kissing her all over her mouth, neck, moving downwards with her fingers. Lucy had no idea how she seemed to instinctively know exactly the right way to touch her to drive her absolutely wild with desire.

           Neither of them wanted to stop, but the phone ringing was disrupting their concentration,

           “Bloody thing, I’ll just turn it off.” Lucy mumbled between kisses

           As she leant over to get the phone she saw the ID of the caller and felt her bubble pop all around her and the ‘real world’ come crashing down around her. There was no way that she could carry on; she had to deal with this now, no matter how sick she felt.

           Chapter Five

           Lucy knew deep down that she would have to start dealing with the complicated mess of her life which she had now created and as much as she wanted to put it off, it really would be better if she started dealing with it sooner rather than later. She shouldn't have run off like that yesterday, but she hadn't been able to deal with the consequences of standing and facing it. But then again, she should have dealt with it far earlier than at the wedding, at the altar. However now she had Harry at her side she felt she could deal with anything and everything that was thrown at her by absolutely anyone.
 It was her parents. She shrank into the duvet of the bed and hugged close to Harry who had protectively wrapped her arms around the most precious person in her life. Harry was determined not to let anyone hurt her, she needed looking after – now more than ever. She would do that. She would take all the shit which was coming, deal with it all just so that she could protect Lucy.

           “You ready to deal with this Luce?”

           “I'm going to have to do it sooner or later, might as well be now” Lucy pulled the duvet around her and answered the phone. “Hi Mum... Yes I'm safe, I'm sorry for not have called yesterday I just needed space....”

           Harry could hear Lucy's mother ranting and raving at Lucy and she felt angry. No one should speak to the woman she loves in that way. She had to resist the urge to remove the phone from Lucy and tell the woman what she thought. She knew it wouldn't help though; she had to let Lucy deal with this in her own way. It wasn't going to be easy though and once they found out about their relationship it was only going to get harder. Harry knew that Lucy's parents really didn't approve of her lifestyle choice as they had referred to her openness about her sexuality. They certainly didn't approve of the way that she chooses to flaunt it. Surely some things should be private? As it happens Harry's own parents had been really happy with her being so open. They told her that no matter who she chose to sleep with it didn't change the way that they felt about her and it never would. Harry was proud of whom she was, but she still wished her parents were here to see how her life was turning out and to meet Lucy.

           Harry got up off the bed and went into the bathroom. Although she wanted desperately to be there for Lucy through this Lucy looked like she needed privacy and she couldn't bear to hear the way that she was being spoken to and hated to hear the way that Lucy – normally so strong was breaking down to her mother.

           Harry put the shower running whilst she looked at herself in the mirror thrilled that she had finally told Lucy how she felt about her and totally amazed that she had said that she felt the same. In her mind whilst she stood under the steaming water Harry could think of nothing except replaying the love making of last night scene by scene, touch by touch, feeling by feeling. It had been perfect, so intense, and so passionate. It just didn't seem real. Harry couldn't believe that actually things had gone so well and that she now had a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend, but the one she wanted, the one she had lusted after for so long. The one she had watched go out with different men, all the time knowing that they weren't right for the lady she loved, no one was good enough for Lucy in Harry's eyes. The only way that anyone would be the right person would be if it had been her sharing Lucy's bed and now it was. It was just too good to be true.

           As Harry finished her shower she heard the door to the hotel room shut.

           Harry walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel hoping that the door shutting meant that she would find Lucy with a wonderful room service breakfast or at least coffee waiting for her. She didn't. There was no room service, there was no Lucy. She didn’t panic to start with, maybe she’d gone to pay the bill – but then it dawned on her that Lucy didn’t have her wallet on her, no money at all. Harry scanned the room to see the bag which she had bought for Lucy. It was gone. Why would Lucy have taken everything and just left without saying goodbye? All Harry could see was a folded note on the pillow of the freshly made bed 

           I’m sorry, I can't do this. You’ll never see or hear from me again.

           Please forgive me, yours always,

           L xxx

           Harry collapsed on the chair and sobbed. She had risked everything and it looked as though she had lost. She knew that this wouldn’t be some whim. She knew that she’d never see her again. Harry felt her heart breaking. That was it she was now all alone in the world. She sobbed, broken in the hotel room for what felt like hours. The pain was too much to bear. She hadn’t just lost someone who she’d had a one night stand with. She had lost the only person she had ever truly loved, the person she had thought she would be sharing the rest of her life with and even more than that – her best friend. 

           When she walked out of that hotel she walked out a totally different person. She vowed no one would ever hurt her in the same way again.

           Chapter Six

           Several years later Harry was sitting waiting to be called in the doctors surgery reading one of those magazines which are several years out of date and all either celebrity based or totally revolving around home interiors. Neither of which held any interest for Harry. She knew what she liked in her home and how she liked it decorated, no matter how hard they tried she would never like 'feature wall paper' and 'seriously on trend carpeting throughout.' It just wasn't her. She liked what she liked and didn't particularly bother about trends in anything, she was just content with things the way they were.

           She went through to her GP as she heard her name being called over the intercom system, so impersonal. She didn't really want to be at this appointment, but she knew like most women that it was really important to have your smear test when you are 'invited to attend.' Harry had always found that phrase strange, why make it sound like it's a good thing when actually it was uncomfortable and generally quite degrading, but 5 minutes or so every 5 years which could save your life. So here she was wearing a skirt so she didn't have to take off everything feeling very self conscious. She was sure that everyone in the waiting room had known why she was there, as if she had a bright pink flashing light and loudspeaker above her head screaming “smear test, smear test, smear test”.  The thought of this made her smile inappropriately as she imagined herself in the mirror. She was quite convinced that the flashing neon sign above her head really would say something totally different...

           “Miss Woods?”

           “Er yes”

           “Smear test today?” Harry nodded, “Ah ok. If you could just pop through there and just get yourself ready then.”

           Harry obeyed; she got up and moved to the little room adjacent to the one she had been in with the doctor. She slowly got up on the bed after removing her underwear which she stuffed into her handbag and waited for the doctor to arrive. She didn’t know what else to do with them, she never did. Was the protocol to fold them and put them on the end of the bed? But then again did she want this GP examining the state of her not-exactly-sexy pants. She may be here for check up on her vagina, but her pants really showed how bad her life must be if she hasn’t even got any nice pants. Everyone knows that you wear your best pants to a smear test, and if these were the best she had then by god she needed to get a life and go shopping. She hadn’t bothered as there wasn’t really anyone to bother for, but maybe she should start to bother for herself, maybe she wouldn’t feel like such a loser if she had nice pants.

           The doctor wasn't one who Harry knew, but she was very gentle and really sympathetic to the situation that Harry was in – not a flattering one lying on her back legs spread wide! She conducted the smear test really quickly and asked Harry to get dressed again and to rejoin her in the other room.

           Harry sat down next to the desk it was the first time she had looked at this woman who had just performed her test. She was lovely, kind, beautiful, intelligent and very sexy! She was so glad that she hadn’t noticed beforehand or she didn’t know that she would have been able to be so subtle – although flirting whilst have a smear was on her things that are just inappropriate list.

           It was the first time that Harry had felt anything towards any woman since she lost Lucy. She still felt the pain of her having walked out on her. She had never heard from her again, just as she had promised. She still had that note – it was the last note that Lucy had ever written her and Harry still had them all, right from the first days in Uni.  Even though she hadn’t heard from Lucy directly she had heard that Lucy had decided to marry and was now Duchess of somewhere doing really well for herself. ‘At least it would make her parents happy’ she thought bitterly to herself.

           Harry snapped out of her pain, realising that she was being asked questions.

           The sudden feel of lust and desire had shocked Harry. She hadn't expected to ever feel anything for anyone else ever again. She certainly didn't want to risk being hurt like that again. She had been so totally broken when Lucy had left. It had taken her so long to get over that pain enough to function. She still wasn’t over it and didn’t ever think she would do, but at least it had begun to stop feeling like a hot poker being driven into her heart every minute, getting a little bit less, so gradually that she didn’t really notice it lessening. Now she was thinking about it, she could feel the pain, the heat, the sheer despair about to grab hold and squeeze her. She stopped herself, looked at the GP who was looking at her as if she was waiting for something.  She answered the questions and left as quickly as she could.

           As Harry walked home from the surgery she knew that she had to stop thinking of Lucy, she knew that she had to snap out of it. There had been others since Lucy – one night stands mostly which she generally regretted, there had been those she had regretted before they had done anything and those she had regretted the morning after the night before. She hated that women had got so needy. She hated that some of them had decided that as they had slept together for one night that it meant that they should be moving in and being joined at the hip. Why couldn't she just find someone normal? But then, she wasn't really looking and she knew that she could get sex whenever she wanted it, why would she want a relationship? Why risk getting hurt?

           After Lucy left, all her friends thought that she had gone mad. After all they had only spent one night together, but Harry had loved Lucy from afar for so long, she knew everything there was to know about her, more like an old married couple. Or so she had thought. She really wasn't expecting Lucy to have left her, or to have got married, but she supposed that the pressure from her parents was just too much for her. When she quit her job, sold her flat and gave up everything in her life and moved to some ‘Godforsaken hell hole away from everything and everyone as if you’re waiting to die’ as a couple of her friends had put it they just didn’t know what to do. She had to make her own choices, so they supported her as best they could from afar as she wouldn’t let them visit and after a while stopped taking their phone calls or replying to texts and emails. She had totally cut herself off from everything and everyone that could possibly ever remind her of Lucy.

           Harry reached the doorway of her favourite patisserie and went in. She stood staring at the fantastic arrangements of cakes, handmade chocolates and beautiful loaves of bread trying to decide what would be the perfect 'pick me up,' after all she deserved a treat after having been brave and having her smear test and the shock of discovering that she did still feel something, anything for another woman especially when sober. OK so it wasn't love, but lust would do as a starting point.

           Alice owned the small patisserie and made all the bread, cakes and chocolates herself. She worked hard to create each of the beautiful and perfect creations. Anything less than perfect was saved and given to the homeless after the shop had shut. Alice believed passionately that she should, 'do her part' to help those less fortunate than herself. She had a strong faith and tried to do her best and be the best person she could be on a daily basis. She often added a little extra something yummy into the packages she put by for her regular elderly customers who generally only ordered a loaf of bread, some of which had to be delivered as they couldn't get out to pick it up. Alice really enjoyed her work. She loved her shop which she had spent years building up and getting herself a reputation in the village. She loved the relationships she had spent time forging, she loved the way that her customers were now more than that, they came in to talk to her, they said “hello” to her in the street. She loved that they had accepted her into their village and that she was now privy to all the small village gossip – who was ‘with’ who, whose child had done well at school, whose hadn’t. She was always someone who the villagers now came to with their news, be it good or bad. Alice loved it.  She worked hard, she slowly had become friend, parishioner, confidant, businesswoman and she didn’t want anything to jeopardise that. It had taken her a while to be accepted, especially as she was so quiet and shy. She never wore jeans or trousers preferring long floaty skirts which amplified her willowy figure. Her long blonde hair was always tied up and she wore little or no makeup. She didn't need to. Her bright blue eyes and pale skin didn’t need anything added to it; she was just understated, although she would never see herself that way.

 “What will it be today?” Alice had been studying Harry from the other side of the counter and had noticed that something was different about her today. She seemed to be preoccupied, not as chatty or as focussed on the cake choosing as normal.

           “Oh hi, sorry Alice didn't see you standing there” Alice wished just once that Harry would notice her. She had noticed Harry enough.

           “That's OK, no problem.” She paused smiling, waiting for, hoping for a response. “You seem distant. Everything OK?”

           “Oh, nothing serious, just miles away.”

           “Somewhere nice I hope” Alice laughed

           “I wish” Harry let out a long deep sigh.

           “Wow, you sound as if you seriously need some chocolates and a cuppa. I was just going to put the kettle on, want to join me?” Alice couldn’t help but be thrilled that she’d be able to get Harry to stay for a little longer.

           “D'you know what? That sounds lovely. Are you sure you wouldn't mind? I don't want to be a bother.”

           “No bother at all. It would be nice to have some company! What would you like? I have tea, coffee, hot chocolate, mocha?”

           “I would love mocha if that's OK?”

           “Course it is, go, sit down and I will join you when it's made.”

           Harry turned and sat down in one of the only tables inside the shop, grateful to have someone to talk to about anything rather than what was really on her mind. She had never really had a proper conversation with Alice. She knew her name, but apart from talking about cake and chocolate they really hadn't stopped and chatted socially. Mind you, with the heavenly cake and chocolate in here to use as a starting point it couldn't be too bad, could it and it might actually do her some good to talk to another human being for something other than work. She was terribly out of practise, but hoped that it would all come back to her.

           Chapter Seven

           Alice placed two large steaming mugs full with the thickest and most delicious smelling mocha that Harry had ever seen on the table. She added two small plates and then returned with two silver serving plates; one full with a selection of Alice’s handmade chocolates and the other with several samples of cakes. Alice sat down opposite Harry who she noticed was still looking around the shop, staring into space and looking kind of like a fish out of water. This amazed Alice. Harry always seemed so self assured, so confident, yet now sitting here in her shop she looked almost lost. Alice thought it strange that Harry had never stopped for a coffee or anything before. It suddenly dawned on Alice that she really didn't know much about this woman, all she knew was that she really, really wanted to get to know her better.

           Alice didn’t want to intrude on Harry’s thoughts so just sat patiently waiting. She tried to be subtle and just stirred her mocha waiting for Harry to finish her thoughts. The sound of her putting her spoon down, as slight as it was, made Harry very aware that she wasn’t where her thoughts were dragging her, but sitting in a small shop opposite an almost total stranger. She didn’t really know how this had happened, but also thought that it might do her some good so decided to go with it. She looked at the amazing cake and chocolate creations on the plates in front of her and decided that actually this could be so much worse. Even if she froze up or hated Alice then at least she’d be eating chocolate and cake and drinking mocha which smelt divine!

           “Oh these look absolutely amazing. You really are very talented!” Alice blushed at the compliments. She loved making people happy and her creations always did that, but as with everything in the retail industry it was lovely to actually hear someone say that. Even after all these years Alice still wasn't very good at just gracefully accepting compliments.

           “It’s nothing really; I enjoy making them, but thank you. Please help yourself.”

           Harry picked a white chocolate and raspberry swirl. The instant she tasted it she felt her stresses, strains and worries all melt away. She felt her shoulders drop and became much less tense.

           “Hmm, this is delicious. Tastes like magic.”

           “Better than sex so I have heard” laughed Alice.

           “Most definitely” Harry joined in the laughter and it felt so good to be properly laughing, something which she hadn't done properly in ages. She wrapped her hands around the tall large coffee mug, loving the comforting feel of the heat coming from the creamy chocolaty coffee liquid inside. The smell was intoxicating, but then she had always loved the smell of chocolate and coffee. 

           She sipped her mocha savouring the taste. This was the best mocha she had ever tasted. Why on earth had she never stopped for a coffee in the past? She certainly will be doing so in the future.

           Harry put her cup down and looked at Alice. She had seen her before obviously, she had exchanged pleasantries and been a customer for years, but for some reason today she really stopped and looked at her. Wow, her eyes were of the most piercing and intoxicating blue. As Alice looked back into the eyes of Harry, she looked away back at her coffee.

           “Sorry” she uttered

           “Don't be, I'm not” teased Alice.

           They sat generally chatting about the chocolates, cakes and customers that Alice had on a regular basis. They talked about the hours she worked which shocked Harry who hadn't known that absolutely everything in the shop was made solely by Alice. She assumed that she bought at least some of the stock in. Harry was amazed at the dedication that Alice showed.

           Alice told Harry about the way that she gave away the left over stock that she couldn't sell, but that was absolutely fine to still eat to the poor and homeless. Harry hadn't realised that their little town actually had any homeless,

           “You are joking? Mind you I suppose they do hide themselves away during the day and most people aren't out late at night to see them round here – let's face it, there isn't exactly a thriving night life is there?” They both laughed.

           The fact that there wasn't a lot on offer was one of the reasons that Harry had chosen to move here after everything went wrong with Lucy. She needed a clean break and so had sold her beloved apartment overlooking the Thames and moved miles away to a rural bungalow overlooking the sea on the edge of a sleepy little town with only one school, one pub, a post office, a doctor’s surgery, Alice's place and a grocery shop. She had expected to hate it; it had meant to be like some kind of punishment for allowing herself to have been so hurt – devastated – by Lucy.  But she loved it. She was so happy here. She loved the more gentle way of life, she loved that she knew everyone at least by sight, she loved the sea, and she loved the beach. She loved everything about her new life. She had made new routines for herself and was slowly trying to integrate herself more into village life. Although her career was something that she could do from anywhere in the world, the life she had meant that she didn't really get to talk to real people unless she actually made herself get out and meet people.

           In her desperation to not become the total recluse and hermit her friends had accused her of she had started by talking to the librarians on the mobile library that came into town twice a month. They had been lovely and had recommended the W.I. Harry had just laughed at that suggestion! She really wasn't into the whole jam making and flower arranging thing. So she had passed up that offer! She had thought about the church choir for a split second and had decided that the best thing she could do was to give up, stay in and eat chocolate. That was when she discovered Alice's place. She had become a regular very quickly.

           As Harry finished her coffee and the cakes and chocolates which had been placed in front of her she was thrilled that she felt she had a new friend, someone she could pop in to and have a coffee and a proper chat. Something she had really missed which took her by total surprise as she really thought that her life was almost perfect. 

           “Thank you so much for this Alice. I really have had a lovely time. How much do I owe you?”

           “Nothing. I’ve enjoyed it too, been nice to sit and chat with someone.”

           “I have to pay you something! I have just eaten half your stock!”

           “No not at all. I invited you to stay remember?” Alice beamed a smile at Harry.

           “OK, as long as it's on me next time?”

           Alice's stomach gave a leap of joy that there would be a next time. “Definitely. I’ll look forward to it.”

           Harry stood up, thanked Alice and left the shop, turning right and heading towards the grocery shop. She got half way there and stopped realising that she hadn't actually got what she needed to in Alice's. She didn't want to turn around and go back, but had become so used to the delicious freshness of Alice's bread she really couldn't face buying pre-packaged brand named stuff from the grocery shop. She turned around.

           “Hi Harry, back already? Can’t keep away from me or did you just forget something?” Alice had already made up her usual order, having realised that she had left without it.

           Harry laughed, “Yeah must have had someone corrupting my train of thought and distracting me from my shopping!”

           “Really? Don't know who.....” Alice giggled behind the counter, “If I see that person I'll tell them not to do it again...”

           “Oh don't do that, I rather enjoyed the distraction.”

           Alice passed Harry her order with a smile. “I've packed your usual order, large granary loaf, a fruit pie, cake, cookies and a little something extra”

           “Thanks Alice, but am I really that predictable?”

           “'Fraid so Hun. See you soon?”

           “Definitely, but I'm not going to tell you when! I am going to try to add some sense of mystery to my visits now!”

           Alice laughed and as Harry walked out of the door all she could hear was Alice calling, “I'll see you on Wednesday at about quarter to eleven!”

           Harry turned round and stuck her tongue out at Alice who couldn’t help but laugh loudly.

           As she continued with her shopping and walking home Harry had to wonder how on earth had they got from only being generally civil and courteous to each other over the chocolates and cakes to now sticking her tongue out and being quite sure that Alice had been flirting with her? Why did it feel so good? Harry felt alive for the first time in years and she had to admit to herself that she loved it. Long may it last!

           Chapter Eight

           Over that week Harry continued with her little routines, popping into the village every other day to replenish her cupboards and so that she kept on talking to real people as oppose to just talking to people on the phone or online.

           Although she loved her job as a writer and editor, she wasn’t sure that she loved the loneliness which she had to work at combating. She would, she knew, just stay in the warm safety of her little world; never venturing out so that she wouldn’t ever have to risk meeting anyone or getting hurt ever again. Harry knew she would never meet anyone like Lucy who made her feel special, alive and loved, but she also wasn’t prepared to risk it. She really couldn’t and wouldn’t have to live through the pain, fear, depression and total desolation she felt after Lucy.

           So now the furthest she went was to the beach below her house every night as she walked and just stared out at sea. This was so different to how she had been years ago, when she was living in the city, when she was still in love with Lucy. Then she had been out every night, she had been the life and soul of the party. Now she was just happier alone, living in the secure area she had created; not letting people in and never going out.

           Harry often wondered whether she was happier now or whether she had been happier years ago. She still didn't really have an answer for that one, no matter how much she thought about it. However she knew that she had got herself sort of stuck in a rut, hidden herself away from any prospect of romantic entanglements and from the majority of society. Hidden herself away from life in many respects.

           After several years of living the life of a virtual hermit Harry was beginning to feel a bit more like her old self, but different. She was trying to get to know herself again, the space and the sea seemed to help her just to think slowly and in depth about who she was and what it actually was that she wanted. She had still had to keep popping into London for work. Most things she could do online, but not everything. At first these trips into London had been almost unbearable, meeting up with people from 'the scene', old friends, friends of Lucy's but the longer she spent in self imposed exile the more she hated having to go back into that life, no matter for how short a period of time. It was always too busy, too crowded, too... well just too everything really. Harry had slowly realised that she really had grown to love her calmer, slower pace of life in her safe little world. Nothing could harm her here as she didn't do anything which could possibly develop into anything painful.  But now there was a complication she hadn’t foreseen; Alice.

           Each time that Harry had popped into the village she had as always gone into Alice's shop.  However, over the last couple of weeks she had been spending more time in there with coffee and talking to Alice. It had been lovely. There had been a couple of times that she had helped Alice with distributing her bread, cakes and chocolates to those who needed them. At first she thought would make her feel uncomfortable, and that was just the car journey! She had been wrong. Everyone knew Alice and everyone was so grateful. It was absolutely magical to see the way that she was with everyone and how they all were around her. She really was rather fabulous.

           The feelings that Harry was developing for Alice hit her hard. She wasn't ever expecting to feel anything for anyone again. She was scared, but at the same time she was so excited and began to relish any opportunity to spend some time with Alice, be it around other people where she really came into her own and especially on her own. Harry was amazed at how she could be so in control and so in charge when she was surrounded by people and yet when it was just the two of them she became more reserved, almost nervous, unsure and shy.

           Alice's shop amazed Harry. Until recently she had only used it as somewhere to buy her bread and cakes, now she realised quite how important it was not only to Alice, but to the whole village and the surrounding areas. It really had become the hub of the community with people popping in with tit bits of gossip, somewhere they went when they needed a confidant – a service which Alice seemed to really enjoy, always being on hand with a hot chocolate and a muffin to help people to open up.

           The whole community seemed to know Alice. It was such a shock that she really was totally loved by so many, but hadn't actually had a partner for such a long time. She thought that that part of her life had died. She wasn't looking and didn't ever expect to find anyone – certainly not someone who actually lived in this really tiny village. Every time Alice thought of Harry she felt butterflies in her stomach and felt a smile creep across her face.

           People in the village had noticed that something had changed with Alice, they had started commenting on how much happier she was looking, how much her eyes were sparkling and of course how wonderful her creations were. Alice knew that the happier she was the better her chocolates and cakes became. Although there were many whispers about who the 'special person in her life' actually was Alice couldn't actually say as nothing had happened, she actually still didn't have anyone 'officially.'

           All Alice wanted to do was to shout from the rooftops that she had found someone who she had the most amazing feelings for and who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. “Oh goodness, did I just think that? I'm turning into some kind of bunny boiler! I haven't even kissed her yet, actually I don't even know if she feels anything for me”

           Alice's thoughts were interrupted by the tinkling chime of the door as another customer walked in. It had been busy today and Alice was feeling quite exhausted. She carried out another batch of dark chocolate pralines which she had been finishing in the back room, fixed a smile on her face and went out to meet her public.

           “Hi Harry” she felt her heart miss a beat. “How are you today?”

           “I'm good thanks, all the better for seeing you.” They had taken to flirting more outrageously with each other over the last weeks. Motioning towards the tray in Alice's hands, “those look gorgeous”

           Alice passed the tray to Harry, “here, try one. Tell me what you think. New recipe”

           Harry eagerly took one of the chocolates and allowed it to melt into her mouth; she was blown away by the subtlety of the flavours encased in the most perfect chocolate that she could ever imagine.

           “Wow! That is amazing! That is orgasmic!”

           “That good?” she winked at Harry,

           “Most definitely!”

           “You obviously haven't had a totally mind blowing orgasm for a while.” Alice laughed leaning closer to Harry, “Here, try this one”. She delicately slipped another chocolate into the perfect waiting mouth of Harry who practically melted at her feet with the combination of feeling Alice so close, of her fingers on her lips, of her breath let alone the chocolate itself. 

           “Oh my god, what are you doing to me?”

           “Me? Nothing.”

           Harry really didn't think she could take much more of this, the feeling between them was electric, and she either had to grab the moment or walk out of the shop and head straight for a very long and cold shower. She decided to turn and walk away, but Alice put her hand on her shoulder, turned her around pulling her close, wrapping her arm around Harry's neck and pressed her lips to Harry's.

           The ground seemed to disappear from under Harry's feet as Alice kissed her. It was phenomenal, the softness of Alice's lips, the feel of her pulling her into her, the feeling of her breasts against her own and the shear passion with which she was executing this kiss. Alice's hands ran down Harry's back, she had seized the moment and didn't want it to end.

           When Alice pulled away she stood just looking at Harry who still had her eyes closed and a coy smile spread across her face.

           “You OK?”

           “OK? Alice, you kiss me like that, take the ground from below me and you ask me if I'm OK? Bloody hell, that was amazing.”

           Alice couldn't help but smile. “Coffee?”

           Harry nodded and sat at her usual table, “Why not?” It seemed strange that they had just shared the most amazing experience and yet here they were planning an ordinary coffee. All Harry wanted to do was to take Alice right there and then and never let her go.

           Chapter Nine

           As the pair sat opposite each other Alice stared into Harry's eyes,

           “Did I do the wrong thing?”

           “The wrong thing?”

           “By kissing you, I shouldn't have should I? I've ruined everything. I'm sorry.”

           “Why on earth do you think that?”

           “Because you seem so tense now. I'm so sorry.”

           Harry reached across the table, put her hand over Alice's and looked deep into her intoxicating blue eyes, “You so didn't do the wrong thing. I have wanted that for ages. I'm sorry if I seem tense, you just took me by surprise I s'pose. I wasn't expecting you to make the first move and I have been wondering how and when I was going to...”

           Alice blushed. “I don't actually know what came over me.”

           “Well that could be arranged for another night” Harry winked at Alice. She thought that as the cat was out of the bag and Alice had made the first move she might as well continue the innuendos, hoping that it would lead to more later.

           The innocent tinkling sound of the door interrupted the filthy thoughts running simultaneously through each of their minds. Actually filthy didn’t cover it at all.

           “Ahh, Alice you are open. Thank goodness for that my feet are killing me”

           Suddenly becoming ‘Alice-the-business-woman-and-creator-of-all-things-sweet-and-tempting’ rather than ‘Alice-the-red-hot-desperate-to-take-this-woman-to-bed-temptress’ reluctantly she stood up.

           “Mrs Murray hello, of course I am open. Please come and sit down. Take my seat, Harry won't mind.”

           “Harry? What kind of name is that for a young lady?”

           Mrs Murray was an elderly lady who was far more forthright with her views than she really should have been, believing that no one minded, and those that did just put it down to her age. She could also bore the hind legs of a donkey once she got started.

           “Good afternoon Mrs Murray” Harry chose to ignore the rudeness, after all this old bat was one of Alice's customers. She carried on drinking her mocha whilst Alice got Mrs Murray's order together for her.

           “Can I get you your usual today Mrs Murray?” a pointless question she knew as it was always the same every week. “Two cream éclairs, a slice of chocolate tart and a loaf of farmhouse white?”

           “Oh yes dear, thank you.” Mrs Murray had lost her husband many years ago, and this was her little treat to herself, especially once she worked out that Alice gave her a special discount. “What've you got there?” She pointed at Harry's hot chocolate. “That looks nice and I am so cold from walking all the way here.”

           “Mrs Murray, can I tempt you?”

           Mrs Murray looked as if she would absolutely love a hot drink, a sit and a chat, but looked very uncomfortable, as if it was something that she hadn’t been offered or taken part in for many years.

           “You would be more than welcome to join us.” Harry offered, “It would be nice to have someone else to talk to.”

           “It would be lovely Mrs Murray, and you did say that your feet were sore.”

           “Oh go on then, how could I refuse when you are both asking me.”

           Alice bought over the hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows, chocolate sprinkles and a chocolate flake. In her other hand she carried another plate with some more of her tempting chocolates. Mrs Murray looked at the chocolates and you could see the desire she had for these, but Alice also knew that she had very little financially and had to count every penny she had.

           “Just for my very special customers.” She winked and smiled at Mrs Murray who looked very grateful that Alice had spoilt her without making her feel inadequate.

           “Thank you Alice.” She had visibly softened at the kindness she had been shown.

           Over their drinks, chocolates and cakes Harry, Alice and Mrs Murray started making small talk about the weather, the price of things in the village and the content of the last weeks sermon by the vicar (something that Harry couldn't comment on as she didn't attend church) the old lady relaxed more and more.

           “So, are you two one of those new lesbian couples then?” She looked from Alice to Harry. “There have been comments in the village so I thought I would just ask.”

           “Erm, well...” began Alice flustered by being put on the spot. She was hoping that she could keep her relationship to herself for at least a while. She should have known better having lived in the village for years. She knew that everyone liked to know everything about everyone else.

           “Yes” interjected Harry, looking questioningly at Alice, “Yes I think we are, and you are the first to know Mrs Murray.”

           “Well I can't say that I approve, it just doesn't seem right to me, but you both seem like nice girls. And you both seem happy, and that's all that is important really isn't it?”

           Alice breathed a very deep sigh of relief. If she can have someone like Mrs Murray in her corner as and when their relationship became the talk of the town the better. No one took on Mrs Murray.

           Harry was shocked at Mrs Murray's attitude; she certainly hadn't expected the old lady to be quite so open and at ease with their relationship.

           “You looked shocked my dear,” Harry had obviously not hidden her surprise as well as she had hoped.

           “Well, honestly, I am. I wouldn't have thought that you would be so easy going about it at all. I would have thought you would be have been somewhat more judgemental...”

           “And started the witch hunts?” Mrs Murray smiled, “When you have lived as long as I have, loved someone as much as I have and lost that someone, feeling that your whole world has broken apart but had to keep on living then you will realise that actually it doesn't really matter who you fall for. All that matters is that you are happy. Once you find that piece of happiness then you should cling onto it with both your hands and never let it go.”

           Harry realised that Mrs Murray had taken her hand and put it in Alice’s while she was talking. Alice blushed and Harry just looked uncomfortable.

           “Well look at me sitting here rambling away” said Mrs Murray who had thoroughly enjoyed getting out today, although she was dreading the walk home in the cold. “I best be off.” She stood, “See you next week Alice. Nice to meet you Harry.”

           Harry looked at Alice who smiled back at her, almost as if she knew what was going to happen next. “Mrs Murray?”

           “Yes dear?”

           “I was wondering if you were walking home?”

           “Well how else would I be getting home? Not as if we have a bus anymore now is it?”

           “No, I suppose not.” Harry continued, not being put off by the sarcasm from Mrs Murray, although was shocked as to how quickly the brash personality had returned after the lovely chats they had had whilst sipping hot chocolate. “Well I was wondering if I may walk with you?”

           Mrs Murray looked shocked, “And why would you want to do that?” she asked suspiciously, “I live on the other side of the village to you.”

           Harry leant forward whispering in her ear; “I was hoping to get more inside knowledge of the village, the villagers and one in particular” she winked at Alice who smiled back.

           “Oo I don't gossip dear”

           “I would never suggest or imply that Mrs Murray. It’s just that you do seem to know more about this area than anyone else I’ve met” sweet talked Harry.

           “Well all right then, I suppose it will be OK. You don't mind do you Alice dear?”

           “No, of course not Mrs Murray, actually you will be doing me a favour, get her out from under my feet so I can get some work done.” She smiled and Harry's heart leapt. “See you later Harry?” she called as Harry started towards the door following behind Mrs Murray.

           “I hope so” Harry's voice was full of innuendo. “My place, about 8? I'll cook”

           “Wonderful, see you then.”

           As the door shut behind her customers with Harry carrying Mrs Murray’s shopping Alice looked around feeling more contented than she had done for as long as she could remember, happy in fact for the first time in years.

           Chapter Ten

           Harry enjoyed the experience of walking Mrs Murray home. It dawned on Harry how strange it was that she had lived in the village for a couple of years, yet she had managed to isolate herself so much in that time that she hadn't really made any friends apart from Alice, and really only knew the other inhabitants just to say “good morning” to. She suddenly felt really sad at the realisation that she had turned herself into more or less a hermit. She was also terrified that she had invited Alice to her place for dinner when she hadn't entertained at home for years, a night in a hotel room with no strings attached was very different to allowing someone into her private sanctuary – the safe place she had created for herself, especially with the new hope and feelings that she was experiencing.

           “It will be OK.”

           “What will?”

           “Tonight.”

           Harry couldn't work out how Mrs Murray knew what she was thinking as she hadn't said anything out loud.

           “Don't be so nervous.”

           “Easy for you to say”

           “Not really. Do you think that I don't know how it feels? To be inviting someone new into your home? How do you think I feel now?”

           They had walked, talking about the past, about love, life and the village and Harry felt very at ease with Mrs Murray. Now they were stood outside her front door.

           “Do you want to come in?” Mrs Murray asked Harry nervously, “I haven't invited anyone in for such a long time dear, it would be lovely and I should at least make you a cup of tea for carrying my shopping for me.”

           Harry felt awkward, really all she wanted to do was to walk back to the village, grab some bits to make something lovely for dinner and get back home, freshen up, work out what she was going to cook and get ready for Alice's arrival. However, she noticed the loneliness in Mrs Murray's voice and found herself saying, “That would be lovely, thank you.”

           As Harry followed Mrs Murray into her home she was surprised to see bookcase after bookcase filled with novel after novel.

           “So, you read a little then?” laughed Harry.

           “Only a little, not as much as I used to, but I just can't bear to get rid of my beloved books. Ridiculous I know, they aren't important to most people, but they are to me. Henry hated my books when he was alive, kept threatening to burn them!” she laughed, “He always said that they would make a truly spectacular bonfire!”

           “Not ridiculous at all. I know what you mean. I have hundreds of books myself, but I s'pose that comes as part and parcel of the job description.”

           Mrs Murray looked blankly at Harry, “The job description? Why what do you do?”

           “I’m an editor and writer. Well when I can get past the writer’s block!”

           “A writer? What a lovely job!”

           “Not really, it isn't what I hoped it would be.”

           “Why? What do you write?”

           “I write a variety of stuff, whatever I get paid for which at least allows me to pay the bills do that and I can write what I really want to.”

           “Which is?”

           “Trashy historical novels really.” Harry looked embarrassed for a fleeting moment.

           “That does sound fun dear.”

           “I love it, but it can be so lonely. Writing the other commissions is OK as it at least gets me out of the house and allows me to meet and talk to other people, but my novel is just me sitting in my office using the internet for research and just writing.”

           Mrs Murray smiled, “Did you know what I did, just for me?”

           Harry shook her head, “Go on, and tell me.” She was surprised as to how much she was beginning to identify with this old lady; the hundreds of books, the loneliness, the shabby furniture which she noticed, the peeling paintwork and the general appearance of sanctity. ‘Óh my god’ thought Harry, ‘this is me in the future!’

           “Come with me, let me show you.” Mrs Murray suddenly seemed much younger and full of enthusiasm. She moved out of this room towards one at the back of the house.

           As she walked into the room Harry was hit by the huge wall of light streaming in through the mighty glass windows and French doors leading to the most spectacular garden she had seen. She was instantly in awe. However it wasn't this that Mrs Murray wanted to show her, “look what I have bought.” She showed Harry over to the corner of the room. Sitting at a table was a computer. This was the last thing that Harry had expected.

           “It's a computer?”

           “It is!” Mrs Murray was genuinely thrilled with her purchase, “I did a course in town and loved it, especially emailing - so much quicker than sending a letter. I have got quite good now. Do you have an email address? Then maybe I can send you an email, or if there is something that you are doing that I can help you with then you can send me one?”

           Harry thought that this was going to be a total mistake. She was either never going to get an email or she was going to be totally bombarded every day with hundreds of emails from Mrs Murray. She gave over her email address anyway, and gave the elderly lady her phone number in case she ever needed it.

           “Oh look at me standing here talking, I haven't made you tea yet.”

           Although she didn't want to be rude, Harry really did have to get going she had so much to do.

           “You have plenty of time; you look fine and cook something with pasta.”

           “What?” Harry was stunned, “how did you know what I was thinking?”

           “Instinct” was the only answer Harry got as Mrs Murray grinned at her. She turned and went into the kitchen to make tea. Harry followed.

           Mrs Murray boiled the kettle and poured some water into the teapot. She swilled it round and then tipped it away, warming the pot. Harry was mesmerized; she hadn't seen someone do this for years. No one she knew actually used a teapot anymore and it was such a blast from the past for her. Her own grandmother had always made tea in her ‘special pot’ which she had been given for one of her wedding presents. It had been glued together more times than Harry had ever thought possible for it to still be usable, but it was and had been used right up until her grandmother had heard of her daughters – Harry’s mothers – death. That day she had been making tea when she had dropped it. She had instantly known.

           “Don't mind me; I always make the tea this way, its habit now. Besides tastes better” She smiled at Harry who was still feeling uncomfortable with the way that Mrs Murray seemed to know what she was thinking.

           Harry leant back on the worktop and watched her host making the tea with exact precision. She added the sugar “one cube or two dear?” and the “milk dear?” with such familiarity that Harry just knew that this room was where she was happiest – her kitchen, the hub of any family home, although this wasn't a family home any more. It once had been that much was obvious and it was still clean, but everything was old, broken, tired, and sad somehow, as if the life and love had gone out of it.

           Mrs Murray obviously caught her looking around and seemed to shrink, almost ashamed of her home,

           “I don't mean to be rude, but are you here all on your own all the time? Don't you have friends or family to visit at all?”

           “You think I have friends? Not many of the younger lot even talk to me, most are scared and call me some horrible names. I wish they’d realise that I’m old – not stupid, or deaf yet. You have to have heard them whispering?”

           “I had, but I didn't listen to them. I like to make my own decisions about people, rather than prejudging.”

           “But even you were scared of me earlier when we first met in Alice's shop.”

           “I wasn't scared of you; I was scared in case you had seen Alice and me together. I didn't know what you would say. I was scared that I had let Alice down and ruined her business which she loves so much.”

           “She deserves to love it, she has worked hard. She is a very different person to who she was when she first arrived here.”

           Harry was curious. “What was she like? She hasn't said much about where she was and what she did before being here with her shop. I didn't like to push too hard.”

           “It's probably best you don't. There are things that are best left unsaid and forgotten. Just enjoy the time that you are together. What has happened before isn't important. It wouldn't change who she is now, just what has come before.”

           Harry considered Mrs Murray's wise words and knew that she was right, so why did she still feel so curious? What secrets could Alice have that would make Mrs Murray warn her off even mentioning it? She decided that she would try talking to Mrs Murray again later, to see if she did tell everything or not. She was sure that she could get her to spill the beans when she started talking to her about her novel.

           Mrs Murray sat at the little table in her kitchen and Harry sat opposite her. They sat drinking their tea and talking as if they had been friends for ages. Harry really was enjoying getting to know this lady who, once you got through her tough exterior, was just lonely, but really interesting. She was able to tell Harry so much of the history of the village, of the villagers and past scandals that neither of them noticed how much later it was getting.

           There was a knock at the door Mrs Murray looked concerned, “I wonder who that was, I wasn't expecting anyone.”

           It was Alice. She had come to find Harry.

           “Oh sorry dear, I didn't realise I had kept her this long.”

           “That's OK I just thought I would stop and pick her up rather than her walking back through the village as it's chilly tonight.”

           “Sorry Harry.”

           “Don't be, I have had a lovely time. Maybe we can catch up again soon?”

           Mrs Murray smiled, “Only if you want to?”

           “Of course I do, now I know you and know where you live you can help me with all my research if you would like to?”

           “That would be lovely dear. I would really enjoy that.”

           As Alice led the way back to the door she felt Harry squeeze her hand. She stopped and turned smiling at this beautiful woman who wanted to be with her.

           When they got outside Harry leant forward and Alice braced herself to be kissed, but it didn't come, instead Harry whispered to her,

           “Alice, I'm really sorry to do this but would you mind if we skipped the meal at mine and we went to the pub instead?”

           Alice nodded, “That's fine, sounds nice”

           “Well I feel really bad asking this, but could we take Mrs Murray with us?”

           Alice looked at Harry sceptically, “Of course if that's what you want?”

           “You know that I would rather spend the time just with you, but I feel really bad leaving her on her own when I know that she hasn't eaten and it is getting late. Would you really not mind?”

           Alice laughed, why do you think I was so pleased when you helped her home? She really is a lovely lady when you get to know her. She has been lovely to me since I moved here. So which of us is going to ask her?”

           They walked together back to Mrs Murray's front door and knocked loudly enough, but hopefully not loud enough to be of concern to her. Harry had noticed how she had jumped when Alice had knocked earlier. It was so obvious that she never had visitors.

           “Hello?” Came the nervous voice on the other side of the door,

           “Mrs Murray its Harry and Alice.”

           “Oh OK dear, just a second.” She slowly opened the door peering at the girls stood in the cold, “what can I do for you both? I thought you had just left! Did you forget something?”

           “No, we were just wondering if you wanted to join us. We thought we might head to the Red Lion and get something to eat as it's getting late. I know you haven't eaten this evening and thought it would be nice.”

           Harry noticed her looking thrilled, yet uncomfortable, “You two don't want an old woman like me hanging around you spoiling your fun. You were meant to be on a date.”

           Harry went straight to the point, “If we didn't want you to come, then we wouldn't have asked you. Get your coat, come on...”

           “No pressure though if you would rather not, even though we would love it if you did join us.”

           “Alice dear that's lovely of you. I would really love to, but I don't want to get in the way.”

           “You won't be in the way, we are going for a drink and something to eat, that's all.”

           “Well OK, why not?” The sparkle returning to her eyes. It was so obvious that she hadn't been out socially in such a long time. She went in to collect her coat.

           Chapter Eleven

           The atmosphere in the pub was comfortable, it was a typical country pub with hideous carpets, a selection of mismatched wooden chairs and tables and with regulars clinging to the bar precariously balanced on bar stools. 

           Alice, Harry and Mrs Murray looked around for an empty table, and chose one right next to the windows.

           “OK who wants what? I'm buying” said a very happy Harry as she handed menus around. Over the course of their meal and a couple of drinks the three women cemented their friendship, much to the amusement of the regulars who were still propping up the bar and who were obviously gossiping about the trio. However, this really wasn't something to bother Mrs Murray who was rather enjoying the attention that she was receiving today.

           All too soon the barman rang “last orders” and the women left the cosiness and comfort of the pub and Harry and Alice took Mrs Murray home. They walked her to her door, saw her inside and made sure that she was OK and settled for the night. “Thank you dears; I have had a wonderful time.”

           Alice and Harry got back in the car and headed back through town towards Harry's home. They chatted easily about Mrs Murray and the looks they had received in the pub. During the course of their conversation they realised with a laugh that neither of them actually knew her first name, and she hadn't ever provided it, obviously she was happier just being ‘Mrs Murray’.

           They arrived at Harry's house and Alice pulled the car over. They sat in silence just staring out at the horizon. Neither wanted to break the silence, both far too nervous of what might be... what they both wanted, but each for different reasons were afraid to hope that it might be and certainly too unsure to suggest to the other.

           Finally Harry spoke, “Do you want to come in for a coffee?” She quickly added, “I understand if you don't as I know that you have to be up early in the morning.”

           Alice turned to look at Harry, “I thought you’d never ask.”

           “But what about the shop?”

           “Will be fine.”

           They walked slowly hand in hand towards Harry's front door. Harry was surprised as to how 'right' this felt. She had no illusions that this was for life, although right now she would love for it to be so. She just didn't believe in that any more, besides she really didn't know enough about Alice, although she desperately wanted to find out as much as she could. She wanted to know everything about Alice, about who she is now, where she has come from, everything. She decided that she would not rush into anything. She would do this slowly and properly and see what happened.

           Harry opened the front door and flicked the light switch, throwing some light on her hallway. As she picked up the post she noticed Alice looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings. This was really important to Harry, she had made her new home exactly how she wanted it, and this was her sanctuary as well as her workplace.

           The pale laminate flooring, light coloured walls with elegant paintings and photographs made the hallway feel lighter and larger than it was. Harry took Alice's coat and bag trying to look relaxed whilst she was hanging them up on the antique coat stand – one of the only items which Harry had bought with her when she moved out of London. Pretty much everything else had been binned or given away, she hadn't wanted any reminders, but this stand was different. She knew it was a silly thing to be sentimental about, but this had been given to her by her Grandmother who had been the most important person after her parents passed away.

           Harry's Grandmother had always been very supportive of her Granddaughter, loving joining her on each and every “Pride” rally, being very open about her sexuality thinking of it as “cool” and stood up for gay rights at every opportunity. She had used her position as a columnist for a well known newspaper to challenge every bigoted opinion which she ever came across and had become something of a champion to the gay community. She had always been Harry's hero. She had believed in Harry right from the beginning and had persuaded her to give writing a chance and had badgered her into writing her novel which she hadn't been able to pick up again since she had lost her greatest fan. Strangely though, she was feeling more of a pull towards actually finishing it now.

           She led Alice through and showed her into each room as she went. She hated feeling like a tour guide, but also knew how hard it was to be in somewhere strange. She desperately just wanted Alice to feel at home and comfortable here.

           Alice loved Harry's kitchen, stunningly beautiful in red and black with silver appliances and utensils. Alice stared in wonder at the huge American Style fridge with the ice and drinks dispenser. “Wow” was all she could muster. She loved the large range style cooker and the granite work tops were just fabulous, reflecting the light and being so tactile.

           They walked from the kitchen through the dining room which again was stunningly and expensively decorated in an almost Gothic style. The contrast to the ultra sleek and modern kitchen was dramatic, yet fabulous. The large oak table took pride of place with the matching eight chairs with their beautifully carved high arched backs was something that Alice had seen similar to in magazines and had always lusted after. She loved it.

           She followed Harry through into the lounge, expecting it to be elegantly and expensively kitted out and she wasn't to be disappointed. Harry had knocked the lounge and a bedroom together at the back of the house, installed very large windows across the whole of the back wall which had really opened up the space. The view over the sea was seriously impressive and the way that Harry had rearranged the inside of the house to match her needs shocked Alice. She had never thought about taking out walls where she didn't want them and putting walls in where she did. The end result was a fluid living space which worked perfectly for Harry. Her office space was wonderful, she had set aside a section of her lounge as she spent most of her time between here and the kitchen. These were her favourite rooms in the house, so it made sense.

           Alice was amazed by the house, but when she saw Harry's bathroom and bedroom she was totally blown away by how stunning they were. Harry must have spent an absolute fortune on this house. Everything was new and had been done to meticulously high standards. Her bedroom looked like it wouldn't be out of place in a very expensive hotel. The four poster bed really didn't fit the rest of the house, but then none of the rooms fitted the same time period as the others, but it all just worked even though it really shouldn't do. It should look naff, it should look pretentious. But it didn't. It looked classic and elegant and cosy and just, well, just amazing. Harry's bedroom not only had the most amazing pictures on the wall – not the mass produced pebbles in a line, or the drips of water, but photographs which were sensual, romantic and very artistic. Her wardrobes were ornate wood matching the dark wood of the bed. Everything looked antique. Her bed had dark purple silk and satin bedclothes which screamed “come to bed.”  Something which Alice would have been really willing to do, right there, right then – she was longing to be able to have and to hold Harry. She longed to feel Harry lying next to her, to feel her hands over her, in her and to never leave.

           Even though Alice dreamt of living in a place like this and was desperate to be with Harry in every way possible, she suddenly now felt more than a little ashamed. She knew that it wouldn't be a problem for Harry, but she now dreaded even more the prospect of inviting her to her small flat above the shop. She hadn't ever had any new furniture; she always made do with second/third/fourth hand items. She really hadn't expected Harry's to be quite so swish.

           “What's up?”

           “Nothing, you have a very beautiful house.”

           “Thanks. I like it.” Harry noticed that Alice had changed, she seemed uncomfortable and self conscious and she didn't know why. “Alice? Are you OK? Have I upset you?”

           “No... No... Not at all.”

           “I have, I can see that I have you seem troubled by something.”

           “No, honestly I'm fine, I'm just tired.”  Something in her voice and her body language gave her away though,

           “Do you want to go?” Harry asked concerned.

           “No, it's fine.” Alice was determined to not let her pride stop this before it had started.  She took a deep breath, turned around to face Harry, “You said something about coffee?”

           “Sounds like a great idea.”

           The change in Alice's mood, more upbeat, lifted Harry's spirit, although she was still bothered by the way that Alice had reacted to her bedroom. Was it the bedroom that was the problem? Did she actually want to be with Harry? Was it that she really didn't feel how Harry hoped she did about her? Harry had so many questions, but knew that this wasn't the time to ask any of them. Bloody female paranoia; wouldn’t it be much easier if they could and would just tell each other everything or even easier if they could read each other’s minds!

            They went into the kitchen and Harry made coffee making small talk to Alice as she did. She knew that something had upset Alice, and she was scared to find out what it was.

           As she made coffee Harry wanted to grab hold of Alice and hug her tightly until she told her what was on her mind. She resisted the urge; she just didn’t feel it would be the right time – no matter how desperately she wanted to. Harry turned to Alice and handed her a mug of coffee,

           “Alice, Hun. I wasn't going to say anything, but I really want to know that you are OK? That we’re OK? Just you seem uncomfortable?”

           “Harry we are fine, really. I'm tired, really. That's all.” She managed a weak smile,

           “OK Alice.”

           They sipped their coffee in silence. Harry had planned on taking Alice for a late walk along the beach, then asking her if she wanted to stay over. It felt wrong now. Although as Alice kept talking about how tired she was. She broke the silence and it felt if she was risking everything by asking what she was about to ask. She took a deep breath,

           “Alice, I know you are tired Hun, would you like to stay here tonight?” She saw a flicker of horror across Alice's eye. “In the spare room obviously” She added quickly. “Only if you’re comfortable?”

           Alice looked down into her coffee, she had wanted to stay tonight, and she had desperately wanted to stay in Harry's bed with her, to wake up in the morning with her. But now she had ruined everything. Why did she have to come over feeling... feeling... She didn't really know how she felt. It wasn't necessarily jealous, but she knew that is what everyone else would think if they knew. She felt ashamed. 'That's it,' she thought, 'I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of what I have, what I should have, what has happened in my past and who I was. I should be more than who I am.'

           She looked up at Harry. “Harry I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm fine. I am sure that you don't really want me to stay over tonight, not now. So if you'd rather I will just go home.”

           Harry was shocked, “How can you think that? I would love for you to stay the night. I would absolutely love it, but I thought you just wanted to go home?”

           “I think that I have totally ruined everything, it's best I just go.”

           “Alice wait!” Harry called

           With that Alice put her mug down and walked out of the kitchen, heading towards the front door. Harry could do no more than watch her driving away. She walked back indoors and cried herself to sleep on her bed, still not understanding the reasons why.

           The following morning Harry still couldn't work out what it was which caused everything to go so disastrously wrong. She went over the night in minute detail, picking over every event, every sentence, every pause, and every touch. She came to the conclusion that it was her fault. She thought that Alice must have hated that they shared their first proper date with Mrs Murray and who could blame her? But in that case why was everything OK until she showed her around the house? Why until she showed her the master bedroom? Maybe it had been too much? Maybe by showing her the bedroom she was suggesting to Alice that they were heading to bed together right there and then. She would have loved to, if truth be told, but she had also decided that she was going to wait. She had plans of letting Alice have the guest room, she had no hidden agendas, and she just wanted to be with Alice. Slowly, yes, but still with her. Now it looked like she had blown it. She felt awful.

           Normally if she felt like this then she would make herself go for a walk into the village and pop in and see Alice. Today, however that didn't seem like such a good idea so she decided to go for a long walk on the beach instead, although even the idea of that seemed clouded with regret of what might have been with Alice last night.

           Harry knew that this was a stupid way of thinking as she still didn't know what the problem actually was. For all she knew at this moment in time it was just a bad case of pmt, or it could be a huge case of major rethinking. She was worried, but calling Alice just didn't seem appropriate, she didn't want to put any pressure on her.

           She quite often walked for miles in the cold early morning along the beautiful beach but this morning she did it without seeing any of the scenery which normally took her breath away. Harry was so preoccupied that she didn't notice how long she had been walking for, she didn't notice the signs warning of unstable cliffs, she didn't notice the noise of the rocks slipping down the cliff face until it was too late to move out of the way as they fell down towards her.

           Chapter Twelve

           In the shop Alice was down hearted. She had hoped to hear from Harry this morning, but nothing. No phone call, no text, no email, no Harry. She knew that her actions last night had lead to this and she felt absolutely terrible for the way that she behaved. She decided that as soon as she could she would call Harry and apologise, she had wanted to ever since she got up this morning, but she knew that there was no way that Harry would appreciate a call at five am, but she hadn't had time since. She had been so busy today. It was though the whole village was conspiring against her calling Harry and sorting everything out. 

           The door chime tinkled as the door opened. Alice looked up hopefully, but again her hopes were dashed, just another customer. Once again she plastered on her fake smile and listened to the ramblings of her customer and went through the motions of serving her the items which she requested. She took the money and rather than stop and talk to the customer as she would do normally she almost pushed her out of the door. She turned the sign to 'closed' and went to the back of the shop, off the shop floor so she could call Harry. She needed to clear the air. She needed to apologise and to explain. As she dialled the number she had a sinking feeling, for some reason she knew that Harry wouldn't answer and she didn't. It rang through to the answer machine message. She put the receiver down. She really couldn't think what to say. “I'm sorry about last night” just sounded so pathetic, but when she took a deep breath and redialled that is exactly how she started. The rest of the message seemed whiny to Alice, but she left it anyway, hoping that Harry would realise that she was talking from the heart.

           “Please call me when you get in, I really want to make this up to you. Maybe dinner... just the two of us?” She put the phone down, pulled herself together and despite the nagging feeling that there was something wrong she reopened the shop, much to the delight of the customers who seemed to have come from nowhere. She wasn't normally this busy, but she wasn't going to complain.

           Alice went through the motions of being cheerful and focused to each of her customers. Unfortunately there were lulls long enough to allow her mind to drift to how she had ended up in this situation. The secrets she was so used to hiding from everyone were trying to escape into her life. She really didn’t want this to happen. She couldn’t let it happen. She loved this village, she loved her shop, and she knew that she was falling for Harry. This realisation terrified her. She couldn’t lose everything again.

           Before Alice moved to the sleepy village and opened her shop she had lived miles away. She didn't normally stop and think about her past life preferring to concentrate on the here and now and the future.  Life had been very different for her. She was training in a large patisserie and loved it. She was learning so much about how to make the chocolate melt at the right temperature, how to bring out the best flavours, which type of chocolate to use for which creation and so much more.

           She had met someone during her training, her mentor. She had broken her vow, to never fall for anyone at work, but she managed to get into a situation that she just couldn't get out of.

           At the start he had been charming, the perfect gentlemen. He had helped her, they had chatted, staying late for drinks, going out for dinner and so much more. He had been like her knight in shining armour. They had been to events, theatre productions, the cinema, parties as well as work always with him being perfectly groomed and a rising star in fine dining and the wider culinary circles. She was always dressed impeccably on his arm, never putting a word or a foot wrong. Everything was done to help his career, and in turn this helped her. She became his protégée, her natural flair impressing him as soon as they had met. She worked hard, and with all the added time they had spent together she had fallen in love with the man he presented himself to be. She had been warned that he wasn't who she thought he was on many occasions by many who had ‘been there done that’, but she had always put it down to jealousy on the part of those telling her. She soon wished that she had listened, but she hadn't. She had told him everything over the course of a year or so. She had told him what her father did to her, all her hopes, dreams and fears. He soon started using these against her although denying he had anything to do with it when rumours started. At first it was just the odd comment she overheard in the kitchens, but soon it was in the tabloids. It was terrible. She knew that there was only one place these bits of information could have come from and yet he still denied it. In the meantime she had still had to play the dutiful daughter and be the perfect girlfriend whilst pretending that it wasn’t hurting her at all. She was trapped. The realisation that she was being or had been abused by everyone who had claimed to love her with no one safe to turn to.

           The whole series of events still played over and over in her mind looming over her like a demon ready to strike through her dreams or whenever she was feeling unsure of herself or the decisions she was about to make, although over the years she had heard it less and less. She had learnt to fight it. But not today, she couldn't fight it today, in her head she heard his voice, “You just will never amount to anything.”

           She had worked so hard to get over what he did to her, but even now he was still there, still waiting to pounce. “It's all your fault, you ruined everything.” She could hear him, shouting at her in that dark, smelly room. No matter how much she knew that he wasn’t right then and he wasn’t right now when the memories came she couldn’t help it. She was back in that room with him, she could feel the panic rising from deep inside her, the fear, the claustrophobia, and she could smell the damp and his sweat. She wanted to be sick, but she knew that she couldn't move, she was glued to the spot with terror.

           Even at the time, Alice had of course known that he thought little of her, after all why would he show her any respect at all? He knew where she came from, he knew her secrets - the ones that even she didn't know yet and was frightened to learn, but he made sure that she had no choice in that. He had shown her everything from which she had tried to run from.
 He turned from her and walked towards the dirty window, staring out of it. She looked around the room, trying to take in everything that she hadn't been able to see in the dark last night when she arrived to this revolting place. All she had been able to absorb was the smell – damp and dirt. This whole place smelt dirty. It was enough for her to not be able to breathe deeply without gagging on the smell. The damp had got into her clothes and all she wanted was a hot shower and to be back at the life that she had been taken from.

 "So do you see now? Do you see the importance of what it is that we are working for?" He glared at her, a look of utter contempt and disgust on his face.
 "How stupid do you think I am?"
 "Very, going by your actions this morning. You think that shouting, screaming and trying to attract attention to yourself is the best thing that you can do right now?"

 She wished that she knew more about what he was talking about, but she knew that she had been double crossed, that 'the plan' which they were following now wasn't what was going to be happening at all. She had thought that it was going to be easy leaving her life behind her, but she hadn't bargained on him only seeing her as a commodity, something for which he could achieve a large financial gain – it was slowly sinking in and she realised that this was all there was for her now.
 Her heart sank as the knowledge became etched on her face. This was it.

 He went though the plan once again, that she was to be kept hidden whilst he put all the other parts in action, the calls to the house, the media and so on. She knew that this was the crucial part, besides there was nothing she could do. She was trapped under house arrest by this man who was not what she had thought he was. He was dangerous and she knew that now. Shame the mists of adoration had cleared too late for her to see what had been right in front of her for months and what she had been warned about. 

 Maybe she had been stupid, maybe it was the romance of the idea that she had fallen in love with. A way of escaping her abusive father, a way of changing the life she had, escaping the abuse which had gone on for as long as she could remember. But no, this was not what she wanted, not like this. She didn't know that she would be being held captive, that a ransom would be asked for her. Right now she could see no way out. That this was how it was going to be. He had sold her the idea of disappearing, running away to safety. The bruises had told her story, the way that she hid in the shadows. But how was this better? There was no way that he would be suspected; he would still be going to work, still making all the public appearances. She also knew that he would still be in contact with her father. 

 All she wanted was for the hitting and the nightly visits to stop, the terrible things which he inflicted on her day after day in secrecy.  She wanted to be able to regain who she is, rather than live the life of a frightened, woman with secrets. It was so textbook. She felt stupid, she should have realised what was happening with this new man, why didn't she? Why didn't she walk away when he started stopping her from seeing her friends? Making her wear what he wanted? When he hit her the first time? She knew the answer... she was smart, but he was more cunning, he had been clever, manipulative and destroyed her bit by bit. This was who was left; the stark realisation was too much to bear. She collapsed on what passed for the bed and sobbed... He walked away, locking the door behind him.

 She knew in time that this would be worth it, that she would be able to create her new life, away from him, away from her father and away from this dirty and smelly horrible place. She would have to outsmart him. She couldn't have him knowing where she was, what she was doing or anything. It was too big a risk to take. She knew that he wouldn’t ever let her be and let her go her own way. Not now she had worked it all out. She knew too much.

           She had had no choice but go along with it. At that point she wasn't Alice, she was Laura. But she couldn't be her anymore; once she had escaped she had to disappear forever. He had taken her away from everything which was what she had wanted, but she didn't ever want to be his prisoner which is what she had become. She needed to get out. She waited. She hadn't realised how long she had waited, she just did everything he wanted whether she wanted to or not. It hadn't been much different in so many ways than still being at home with her father.

           The worst thing for her at that time was the crushing realisation that she had been tricked by him. He had made her feel special, he had understood or so she had thought. He had promised her the world at her feet. He promised her safety. He hadn't delivered.  She had thought that she was in love with him, she had given him her heart and her trust and he had smashed both, stamping on them leaving her crushed.

           It had taken her weeks to get back her fight. She would not live the rest of her life like this, having removed one abusive threat for another. She got angry, she got bitter. Eventually she decided to risk her life and escape.

           She had known that he had got the money for her safe return from her father; after all he had to keep up appearances to those around him. She genuinely thought that he did want her back, but she knew it wasn't for any other reason than to be his unpaid prostitute, to be someone to provide what he wanted and couldn't get from a working girl as he couldn't risk being caught. She didn't actually care about the money, she never had. She didn't know what she would do, where she would go, but she had just had to get away.

           One night she had her chance and she had taken it. She would never be found, she would never trust anyone ever again. She certainly would never fall in love again. It had been late, cold and wet. He had changed her appearance by this time, realising that he couldn't just keep her in one room and as there were often people hanging around following him wherever he went. Her hair was shorter and dyed darker. She had also lost a lot of weight. He had bought her clothes and had moved her into his house as a PA to anyone who asked – ‘A PA with a difference’ he had called her. 

           However one night after a late night meeting he had held at his home with prospective investors in his new business idea one of those present had spent time talking to her and had helped her to escape a few weeks later. She had been expected to provide whatever services were needed to help “seal the deal.” This guy had been no different, he had come to her room and she had been told to “keep him sweet Laura, we need this deal.” When he arrived she was shocked. He didn't want sex, he didn't want to her do anything to him, but talk. Over the weeks this is all he had done – talk. She had grown to look forward to him arriving at her door just for a reprieve from the rest of her life.

           One night she heard him talking to her captor (she still wouldn't think of his name as he wasn't the person she had thought he was) and asking to take her somewhere different, he wanted to fulfil his fantasy with her but couldn't do it here. Reluctantly he had agreed, but had forcefully explained to her how this was a trust thing and what would happen to her if she did anything stupid.

           She had gone with him in his car to the meeting point and had been left in the woods next to the tree which had been described. When he had arrived he had dragged her from the tree further into the woods and had told her to run to the other side of the wood where there was a car waiting for her. She had no choice, she ran terrified through the woods and with relief she found a car. She got in it and drove. She dropped the car as soon as she got to Heathrow to make it look like she had got on a plane.

           She disappeared, grabbing a lift with a lorry driver until he couldn't take her any further; from there she had survived by finding seasonal work until one day she ended up where she was now.

           Eventually she had started her own business and created a new life for herself away from everyone and everything that she had ever known. All she had were the few possessions she could fit into a backpack and now she had her shop. She loved it. It was hers and no one could take it away from her. She learnt that she couldn't rely on anyone, ever. She would do things on her own from here on in. Since then she had, until now when Harry had become part of her life. Harry! Her thoughts had come full circle and sitting on the floor where she had sunk somewhere during her waking nightmare she found herself rocking, hugging her knees to her chest desperate to talk to Harry and clear everything up, but was the point? She had ruined everything. Why didn't she just talk to Harry last night?

           The banging at the door startled her. She stood up taking a sharp intake of breath and was shocked to see a line of people waiting to come in. She really didn't think that she could face this today. Why did today have to be Tuesday – her pensioners discount day? She really wanted to be busy to take her mind off everything, but not with pensioners who always liked a chat and a gossip.  “No choice, just get on with it” she told herself.  At the front of the queue was at least a friendly face.

           Chapter Thirteen

           Mrs Murray was stood at the front of the queue looking like the cat which had not only got the cream, but had been given it in a bucket with fresh salmon on the side. She was in the centre of the group of women talking animatedly, something Alice had never seen her do before. Even though she was feeling shaken by her memories and more than a little concerned about what was happening between her and Harry, Alice thought it was wonderful to see Mrs Murray looking so happy and smiling!

           Alice plastered on her 'everything's OK' smile and went to open the door for the waiting customers. As she made her way round to the other side of the counter Mrs Murray caught her arm and stopped her.

           “Are you OK dear? How did it go last night?” she added with a cheeky wink

           “I'm fine Mrs Murray thank you, just tired and very busy by the looks of it! I don’t suppose this has anything to do with you?” She smiled at the lady who was becoming more of a friend than just a customer.

           “Maybe. I just realised that quite a few people actually didn't know about your discount day, so I told them about it. I hope you don't mind?”

           “Why would I mind?”

           “Well I know it would be better if they didn't only come in on a Tuesday, and that's what I was hoping!”

           “Thank you Mrs Murray, it is much appreciated.” Alice continued her short journey to behind the counter whilst her new customers eyed up the glorious delights which had been exquisitely arranged by Alice as per usual. She noticed that all her tables were now full as well with groups of women looking at the menus of drinks and delicacies. Alice really didn't know how she was going to manage such an influx of customers.

           She felt everything getting on top of her, she had to keep calm, but all she could hear was the voice from years ago in the back of her head “you can't do it, you know you there is no point in trying. You will only fail anyway.” Alice fought against the voice as hard as she could, but as she felt him winning she felt a cold hand on her arm.  She froze, wondering if it was a real hand or a hand from years ago haunting her.

           “Come on then dear, you best tell me how to work this till” Mrs Murray was by her side and suddenly the air around her was warmer pulling her back out of the horror and back into the reality of the situation.

           She looked at Mrs Murray, “Are you sure?”

           “Of course I'm sure. This looks like fun.”

           “I can't afford to pay you though” Alice said quietly, knowing that although today would be decent takings that her bank balance was far from healthy.

           “Oh don't be silly dear, I don't want paying. Think of the gossip it would stir up! It would also be nice to feel that I am actually still useful even though I’m officially old and past it”

           “Mrs Murray, you are far from past it!”

           Alice quickly showed Mrs Murray how to use the till thinking how grateful to her she was whilst she went around the tables taking orders, making the orders of hot chocolate and plates of chocolates and pastries and helping out with serving at the counter alongside Mrs Murray.

           Once the rush was over and they had cleared everything away Alice turned to Mrs Murray and offered her a seat, “Hot chocolate and some cake as a way of a thank you?”

           “Oh I don’t need that dear, just a little sit down. I haven’t done anything like that for years. Thank you so much for letting me.”

           “Letting you? I really wouldn’t have coped without you.”

           Mrs Murray was shattered.  Sitting at her favourite table in her favourite chair she watched Alice as she placed the last of the pain au chocolate on a plate, added some chocolates, blended the chocolate and created her masterpiece of hot chocolate.

           As Alice glanced over at the lady sitting at the table she thought how lovely it had been to have some company whilst working today. She hadn't ever minded working on her own, but it had felt strange, but lovely to have someone to banter with whilst she was busy. It felt fantastic knowing that she was going to be sitting down for an afterhours drink with someone, even if it was only hot chocolate.

           Mrs Murray had loved helping Alice today. She had got a new lease of life since she had been asked out last night by the two girls. It was so wonderful to be asked out and treated like a someone again, rather than just the old interfering busybody. The social aspects of her life had been lacking for so long, since she had put herself almost in exile after Henry had become ill and passed away.

           She had spent many years looking after him as any wife looks after her husband. They had been married when she was seventeen and he had been her first ever romance. He had swept her off her feet. Their wedding wasn't lavish or exotic, but it had been perfect. Held at the little church on the edge of the village where she was still a very active member of the congregation today, she had only missed a few services in her life and of this she was very proud. The church was important in her life. She had seen the parishioners come and go, get baptised, be confirmed, get married and eventually buried. She had, over the last season of her life seen too many of those she had grown up with and called friends meet the last rite of passage through the church, she really was getting to the point that she now dreaded being invited anywhere as she knew that the chances were that it would be to yet another funeral. She knew it was an inevitable part of life, but she also knew that it meant that it was getting closer to her turn. “Not morbid, just honest” she told herself day after day.

           Mrs Murray wasn't scared of dying. She used to be. She used to be terrified. It was something which she had spent many years talking to the Vicar about.

           Rev. Thomas Dene was someone who had always made time for his parishioners, especially those who gave themselves to the church, although he wouldn't ever turn anyone away. Rev T. Dene was the archetypal, stereotypical village vicar. He was a tall man, very thin and grey haired. It never mattered how busy he was, he always made time for everyone, for anyone who wanted a chat, and had become someone the village relied on, yet never took for granted. He was fair and had often been a mediator when arguments had become more involved. When anyone joined the village he made sure to visit them to welcome them properly, personally inviting them to the Sunday service which many people had found a lovely touch whether they were religious or not.

           Over the years he had become a personal friend and confidant to Mrs Murray, after all Henry had been the village doctor, so they had often found themselves involved with the same people. Since Henry had died the Reverend had tried as hard as he could to get Mrs Murray to participate more fully in the more social part of church life. She had continued to attend every service, but had stopped doing all the other things which she had previously thrown herself into. She had given up running the 'mothers and toddlers' group, she had stopped being part of the rotas for reading in church, for arranging the flowers, for cleaning the church and for washing the vestments. She had withdrawn from her previous life, and no matter how hard he had tried she shut off even from him.

           Mrs Murray didn’t exactly blame God for taking the one person who had been there for her, the one person who had loved her for all her faults, but in the same breath she couldn’t understand why he would take Henry and not her. Henry had supported her through all her work in the community, through her teacher training and she had supported him through his training as a doctor. She had never failed him as a doctors wife, never moaning when the telephone rang in the middle of the night, or over an anniversary dinner, or when he was late for any other arrangement as someone else needed him.

           They had never had children as she had never got pregnant; it hadn't been because neither of them wanted children because they had, desperately. So they had taken care of all the children of the village for years as well as being some of the most respected foster carers in the area instead and never thought of it as second best; they thought of it as their duty to provide love, care and most of all hope to those who didn’t have anyone else. As he had shared her with all the children, she shared him with the whole village and the surrounding areas; she did it willingly because she loved him with all her heart and soul.

           Henry had died quietly in his chair one evening. She still blamed herself. If she hadn't gone to bed without him she would have noticed that he was in need of her help. He had helped her so often in the past, and the one time he desperately needed her she had failed him. She had gone to bed that night and started reading her book after saying her evening prayer. She had obviously started to drop off, as she had dropped her book on the floor. Mrs Murray had immediately woken up at the sound and realising that Henry wasn't lying next to her in bed she got up, groggy from the sudden awakening and wandered into the front room again. It wasn't unusual for him to have fallen asleep in his chair while watching something on the TV. As she walked into the room, chilled by the night, the room had an eerie feeling, lit only by the TV. “Come on Henry, you silly old man, it's time for bed.” She heard herself calling him, urging him to wake up and join her in bed where they would lie next to each other with him wrapping his arms around her, protecting her like he had always done. He didn't stir and as she walked more into the light she realised that his glass which he had used habitually for his evening dose of whiskey was lying on its side, his hand unnaturally outstretched towards it. At that moment she had known. She had known that she would never feel him touch or caress her again. She knew that they had spent their last moments together. She also knew that he had spent his last breaths alone. Something which even the thought of totally terrified her.

           The pain struck her how she would imagine it felt being stabbed through the heart. At that moment her heart broke.  Although she remained the pillar of the community showing nothing but that stiff upper lip in which she had always believed in so strongly. She called Rev Dene, apologising for calling so late. She told him calmly that Henry had died and she didn't know what she needed to do. Rev Dene arrived at the house in what seemed like minutes, yet it also seemed like hours. 

           Rev Dene was met by Mrs Murray in her nightclothes apologising for the state of her undress and for being a nuisance in the middle of the night. He threw his arms around her and took her into the kitchen where she had no choice but let the pain flow through the tears which streamed down her face. She had never let anyone but Henry see her cry and she felt ashamed to have let him down by behaving in this way in front of the Rev.

           “Mrs Murray, are you all right? You look like you are miles away” Alice's voice penetrated through the fog of her memories quickly and effectively bringing her out of the darkness of what had come before for her.

           “Oh yes dear, just thinking about things” She gratefully took the hot chocolate which had been placed in front of her.

           “Anything I can help with?” Alice thought that at least helping someone else make sense of their thoughts would mean that she hadn't got to deal with what was going round in her head at the moment. She still hadn't heard from Harry which bothered her, without adding in 'his' voice which she had been hearing all day.

           “Oh no dear, I don't think so. But I did want to thank you for today.”

           “Thank me?” It's me who should be thanking you. You bought so many customers with you today and I would never have coped on my own. You were wonderful today. I really enjoyed it.”

           “Alice, dear I have to confess to rather having had a wonderful day myself. It's been a while since I have had so much fun! I would love to do it again sometime if you didn't mind?”

           “That would be lovely, but I really can't afford to pay you.”

           “I don't want to be paid. There are more ways to earn than just financially you know.” She winked at Alice.

           “Well then thank you. I would love you to come on in and help out as often as you wanted to.”

           They sat quietly immersing themselves in their chocolate whilst gossiping about the various customers they had served during the day. Mrs Murray was a minefield of information, she hated to be called a gossip but it was amazing how she knew everything about everyone. She was able to say who was related to who, who had how many children and shared some of the past scandals. It really was wonderful for Alice to be talking to someone normally.

           Chapter Fourteen

           Sooner rather than later though Mrs Murray asked about Harry. Alice felt herself tense as she explained what had happened last night. She explained about feeling inadequate inside Harry's home and that she hadn't heard from her all day. She also confessed to feeling worried about the whole situation.

           By the time it came for Alice to give Mrs Murray a lift home as they had arranged she still hadn't heard anything from Harry. Part of her was concerned for Harry, but she mostly had just resigned herself to the fact that Harry had seen her for what she is, useless, pathetic and a freak for behaving as she had last night.

           As expected Mrs Murray had a suggestion for her, “Now dear I have had a lovely day with you today, but I know that you are worried about Harry, so what I think you should do is what I used to do whenever Henry and I had a row. What you need to do is go round there and apologise. Talk to her; tell her what it is that has been bothering you. Then make it up.” Alice couldn't believe it, and wouldn't have done unless she had seen it herself, but she winked at her. “Mrs Murray, I really didn't think you would approve of things like that!”

           Mrs Murray smiled, “Well dear, isn't there enough sadness in the world? All I am suggesting is that you do something which makes you happy.”

           As Alice helped Mrs Murray out of the car and into her home she noticed how cold it was inside. She didn't comment as she knew it would hurt the pride of the woman who had become her closest friend. Alice returned to the car and grabbed a white cardboard box. She took the box back into Mrs Murray and handed it to her. “I know I can't pay you, but I wanted to give you something for everything you have done for me today.”
 “I didn't do a lot my dear, and I did rather enjoy it.”

           “I know you enjoyed it, but you did do loads for me. I know you did. So I have made you something.” Alice handed over the box.

           “Oh Alice you really shouldn't have.” Mrs Murray was genuinely touched by the gesture, and as she opened up the box she gasped. “Alice it's beautiful. Really beautiful. Thank you so much.”

           Inside the box was the most intricately designed bouquet of flowers made out of different blends of chocolate. It was the most beautiful thing that Mrs Murray had ever seen.

           “I do hope you are going to eat it” she smiled at her friend.

           “But it's so beautiful. You really are so clever. I would love to know how to do that”

           “Really?” She watched as Mrs Murray nodded, “Well then, I shall teach you.”

           “That would be wonderful. Although I can't afford to pay you, you do know that?” She said, looking towards the floor ashamed.

           “Mrs Murray, how about if I teach you in return for you helping out in the shop as and when you would like to?” 

           “That would be wonderful Alice, thank you.”

           “I'd like it to. It will be great to have someone else to talk to during the day.”

           “Talking of someone else, shouldn't you be making a move?”

           “Yes, probably, but part of me doesn’t want to know if she has decided to call it quits.”

           “I know dear, but you really do need to get this sorted out. You need to know one way or another. Goodnight love and I will see you in the morning.”

           As Alice was about to say goodbye she was interrupted by someone running up the path behind her,

           “Mrs Murray? Alice? Are you both there?”

           It wasn't until the dim light from inside the house was thrown on the running visitor that they realised who it was. The urgency in his voice immediately made them turn and stare, both in panic. Something was very obviously wrong.

           “Yes Matt? What is it? What can we do for you?”

           Matt was the local police officer who normally didn't have much to keep him busy in this area, but tonight he sounded different. He had been taught by Mrs Murray who had known his parents so he often popped in for a cup of tea and to check up on her. The urgency and authority to his voice had tonight however shocked Mrs Murray and made her concerned, although she would never let him or Alice know that.

            Alice was grateful to Mrs Murray for taking control of the situation. She hated confrontation and she tried not to deal with the police as much as possible.

           “I am glad I have found you both, I went to your shop first Alice, but Bill next door said that he had seen you leave with Mrs Murray.”

           “What is the matter Matt?” Mrs Murray asked abruptly, she just wanted to know what was going on, and this history to his journey really wasn't important right now.

           “Sorry Mrs Murray. Can I come in?”

           Mrs Murray stood aside letting Matt walk in past her to the kitchen. She followed with Alice nervously behind her.

           “I think you had better sit down, both of you” Matt said, indicating the chairs at the table.

           “I prefer to stand thank you Matt, now I don't mean to be rude, but could you please tell us what is it that you wanted? It is late.”

           “Of course, sorry. I was just hoping that you could tell me when you last saw Harriet...”

           He didn't get to finish, “Harry? What's happened to Harry?” Alice couldn't contain the anguish in her voice.

           “I think you really should sit down.”

           Alice was terrified now, the police only asked you to sit down if they were about to tell you that something really awful had happened.

           “Tell me she's OK?” Alice tried to seem as calm and rational as she could, but the crack in her voice betrayed the emotions that she was feeling.

           Matt looked from Alice to Mrs Murray who eyed him up, “Matt, please.”

           “Alice, I am sorry but Harry didn't turn up for a couple of her meetings today and no one has heard from her. We are concerned.” He paused, waiting for the news to register with the two women currently in his care. “We are looking for her, but we need to know from anyone when they saw her last. We know that the three of you went out to the pub last night and no one has seen her since. Can you help shed light on where she might be?”

           Alice was shaking, “What are you doing here talking to us? We should be out there looking for her. How can no one have seen her?”

           “Alice, please calm down, Matt here is only trying to do his job.” Mrs Murray turned to Matt, “Last night after we went out for dinner as you already know, Alice and Harry very kindly dropped me back here, stayed for a little chat and left after making sure that I was safe and had everything I needed. They left here about eleven o'clock.”

           Matt turned to Alice, “Alice? What happened next?”

           She glanced at Mrs Murray, “It's OK Alice, just tell the truth. It will help us to find her and you can put her straight.”

           “Alice?”

           “After we left here I drove Harry back to her house. We went in and she showed me around. We had a cup of coffee and I left.”

           “Just like that?”

           “Yes.”

           “Alice, you need to tell him everything.” Mrs Murray was not making this easier for her, but she knew that the older lady was right.

           “OK. We did go in and she did show me around, but I didn't leave under the best of circumstances.”

           “You had an argument?”

           “Argument? No. I just acted odd and left. Harry didn't know what she had done to upset me, but she hadn't done anything, we just need to talk. Matt please tell me she's OK.”

           “Honestly Alice I don't know how she is or where she is right now, I just want to find her. We have most of the locals out looking for her. Try not to panic, we will find her.”

           “You better had Matt.”

           Alice looked as delicate as he thought it was possible for anyone to look right now and Matt was worried. He didn't need an issue with her as well as trying to lead the biggest police investigation that he had since he came back to the village he grew up in. He had already called it into Sarge in town. He was hoping that he wasn't going to need the back up of the 'townies' as he was quite sure she had just got lost on the hills. She wouldn't be the first or the last.

           “Mrs Murray, can I speak to you out here please?”

           “Of course Matt.” She rose and followed him out into her hallway, conscious of how cold she suddenly felt.

           “Mrs Murray, I don't think that Alice should be on her own tonight.”

           “No I agree, and I also don't think that she will be much help out on a search either. I will persuade her to stay with me tonight. At least that way you will also know where to come to tell us of any news as you have it.”

           Matt agreed and quickly left after reminding them that if they heard anything from Harry then they were to call him immediately. Mrs Murray didn’t understand why that warning would ever be necessary, but she smiled wanting him to get back to the search as much as he wanted to get back to it.

           Mrs Murray returned to Alice, put her arm around her and gently urged her into the lounge. She sat her on the sofa and placed a couple of the blankets which she left by the side of the sofa over her to keep the chill from setting in. She had enough to cope with tonight with the shock of all this, without being cold as well.

           Alice was definitely in shock, this was going to be a long night.

           Chapter Fifteen

           Mrs Murray sat with Alice's head on her lap stroking her hair, trying to comfort her. As much as she had wanted to leave, to be out looking for Harry it wasn't a good idea. She knew that she would be more of a hindrance than a help. She was better used staying here and looking after Alice.  It seemed like they stayed like that for hours, hardly speaking, just watching the colour of the night change, the stars come out and waiting for the phone to ring or the door to knock. Both were hoping for the best and fearing for the worst.

           “Alice, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

           Alice shook her head, what harm could be done by answering any question, besides it might actually take her mind of waiting for the knock at the door or the ring of the phone.

           “I know that you said that you got upset about Harry’s lovely home, but what did exactly happen last night? Why did you get upset?”

           Alice hesitated, she really didn't want to go through her whole past, she was ashamed, yet she thought that Mrs Murray would do no more than support her but she knew that she couldn't tell her parts of the story as there was something about this lady which meant that whether she wanted to talk about it or not she would and she would let out everything and that scared her.

           “Nothing, it doesn't really matter.”

           “It's obviously upsetting you Alice, so it does matter. You will feel better if you talk about it; take it from someone who knows.”

           “I don't mean to be rude Mrs Murray, but I really don't think talking will help. I need to find Harry.” Alice started to get up from the sofa, standing against the pressure of Mrs Murray trying to hold her down.

           “Alice please, you really do need to stay here. You aren't going to help Harry if we have to go looking for you too.”

           Alice crumpled back into the sofa, and the waiting arms of Mrs Murray. She had no choice, the tears started falling and the words started flowing. She told Mrs Murray everything. The kind old lady just sat listening, holding Alice's hands in her cold and wrinkled ones. She held her tight when she was explained that she had run away from home. She shook her head in sadness and disgust at her father when Alice started telling her the way that she had been abused from an early age. She wept when Alice told her how she had been tricked by 'him,' the months of being held as a prisoner, her escape and how she had left terrified with absolutely nothing.

           Mrs Murray was shocked at Alice's story, but all she did was hold Alice and tell her that it was all going to be OK, all she had to do was explain everything to Harry and she would understand. She couldn't possibly let Alice see her shock and disgust at the ways in which she had been treated by the various men in her life or the amazement she had that Alice had actually survived everything. She shouldn't have done. Mrs Murray really didn't think that she would have believed the story had she heard it from anyone else but Alice tonight. There was no way that it could possibly be anything but true. The way that she looked so ashamed, so broken, and so desperate to keep up the illusion that she was fine couldn't be faked by anyone. Mrs Murray felt her heart go out to the young lady, who now looked so much younger and in need of someone to really care unconditionally for her, who was currently breaking her heart into her blanket. She leant forward and pulled her into her shoulder. No wonder she had fallen for Harry. She wasn't a man and had generally been someone she could talk to, knowing that she wouldn’t be judged and therefore safe. It made sense to the elderly lady. She also came to the realisation that Harry was the first person that she had fallen for since 'him.' She was also concerned that she still couldn't bear to say his name. He obviously still had a tie over her, no matter how far she had come and what she had done to be rid of him, she never would be free unless those around her knew the truth and she talked more about her previous experiences. No one could cope keeping everything hidden and bottled up like that. 

           She knew, although it wasn't the same, she had tried to keep her grief of not being able to have a child, of the life as a mother which she thought she would have, for the grandchildren she wouldn't ever have and eventually the loss of her darling husband whom she had loved with all her heart and soul and had been the only person who she could ever tell everything to, although had never needed to as he had instinctively known. She missed that. She missed Henry so much. Everyone said that grief gets easier as time passes; she didn't think that was true. She had waited for the pain to ease, but it hadn't so far.

           The two women sat silently on the old dusty sofa, one deep in memories, one deep in hopes and aspirations for the future as the night passed. They watched as the clouds drifted across the sky, as the stars came out one by one twinkling like diamonds of hope for all of those who were watching them. They watched as the moon travelled what seemed like the great distance marking the passing of time.

           After a while Alice stood and opened the patio door, needing to do something. She just couldn't sit wrapped in a handmade crochet blanket any more. Standing outside in the cold air bothered her, she knew it had been cold, but hadn't realised how cold it was. As she stood Mrs Murray came behind her and placed the blanket around her shoulders. Alice gratefully wrapped it tighter around her as she stared up at the magical sights above her.

           The door knocked loudly. Alice jumped, terrified of the news which might be bought to them tonight. She couldn't lose anyone else, she just couldn't, but automatic pilot took over and she returned to the sofa ready to hear what was said.

           Mrs Murray had returned from answering the door with Matt looking pale and concerned behind her. Alice took a deep breath but she couldn't hear this, not now. She turned around and started to walk back through the patio door to the garden. She just knew that it was bad news.

           From behind her she felt the same old, pale, wrinkled hand on her arm. Alice knew that she needed to turn around, go back in and face what was about to happen to her. She felt sick, she felt faint. She had to do this for her and for Harry and for what might happen in the future if she allowed it.

           She walked back into the lounge just wanting it all to be OK and to be in Harry's arms, leaning her head into Harry's shoulder, resting her head on her breasts. She imagined what it would feel like to have Harry pull her close, to feel her breath on her. She stopped, allowing herself to dream like this was only making things harder when she blinked and realised where she was and who she was with.

           “Alice, I need to tell you something, would you sit down?”

           The feeling in Alice's stomach knotted even tighter, she didn't think that it was possible; she thought that she would pass out. Why couldn't Matt just get it over and tell her that the only other person that she had thought the she was falling in love with had died, that it was all her fault and that she would never forgive herself.  She sat down before she fell down, next to Mrs Murray who once again had taken her hand.

           “Alice, are you OK?”

           “Matt, please can you just tell us what you know?” Mrs Murray squeezed Alice's hand.

           “Mrs Murray, Alice, we have found Harry”

           Both the ladies took a sharp intake of breath, as they had seen the change in the look on his face, from caring about Alice to being suddenly formal which scared both of them. It seemed at that moment that all hope was lost.

           Chapter Sixteen

           The men and women of the village had been out searching for hours for Harry. None of them wanted to give up. They had split up to cover as much of the area as they could. They had done this before many years ago, only last time it hadn't ended well and no one wanted to even think of that.  As they painstakingly trawled the woodland, the beach and the cliffs each person was trying to put that trauma as far from their minds as possible. It had been July; height of tourist season and two little girls had gone missing only to be found later washed up on the beach. Having lived through that as a village, there was no way that they would risk being too late this time. All of which added a sense of desperation and immediacy to their searching.

           Harry was lying on the beach. She had been aware of the passing of time, purely by the moving sun, the changes in the tides, the temperature rising then falling and now watching the moon moving across the sky. She was terrified. She knew she had walked much further than she ever had done before. She had no idea where she was and couldn't call anyone for help as she had left her phone at home on the kitchen work top next to the kettle. She thought that this was it.

           She had seen the rocks falling gathering speed towards her when she tried to jump out of the way. She had done the best she could, she could have been killed. Harry had been lucky, although she was in a huge amount of pain and trapped. She had jumped out of the way of the falling rocks hitting her head on a boulder as she fell backwards and hurting her wrist and ankle on the left side. She couldn't move anywhere, every time she looked around the world spun and she felt sick. She knew that she had passed out at least once today, but she had no idea how long for.

           Harry had tried moving the smaller rocks but the pain rippled through her arm and her leg, not to mention her head. She ached all over. She had never experienced this much pain – not physical pain anyway.

           During the day she had thought about everything, almost in the same way that people say that their whole lives flash before them before they die. She thought she was going to die, here on the beach. Alone. She shivered again. It was dark. She knew that the chill in the air was only going to get more intense and she would die of a combination of her injuries and hypothermia. She didn't want to die alone. It was being alone and unloved even right at the end which terrified her more than actually dying.

           Through her memories she relieved the good parts of her life. She thought of her life since she had moved here. Harry thought of the times she had spent sitting with Alice in her shop, the warmth and the overpowering smell of the chocolate which lingered. The way that Alice's hand touched hers; the electricity of her touch, the way that she felt free when she was with her. Free to be herself, to be Harry, not to have to pretend to be anyone else. She thought about the way that Alice smelt, the purity of her, the way that her hair shone in the sunlight, that her eyes sparkled when she laughed.

           As Harry drifted in and out of consciousness soon after her accident she was sure she could hear Alice calling her. She was sure that she could feel her breath on her neck, that she could feel Alice's hands caressing her through her jumper, the feel of her touching Alice’s knee under the table in the pub wanting desperately to know what her skin felt like under her clothes, what it felt like to lie naked next to her, to kiss her all over, to taste her, to let her fingers run all over every tiny part of her body. She wanted to know what happened when Alice came to her house, she wanted to know why she acted in the way that she had. She had been so sure that Alice had wanted her as much as she wanted Alice. She saw her face streaked with tears as she drove away, try as she might she wasn't able to see the smiling Alice she had fallen in love with.

           It wasn't the first time she had opened her heart to someone for it to be ripped out and thrown on the floor, then stamped on. She thought of that first and only ever time with Lucy. The years she had spent with Lucy. The pain ripped through her as she relived the last moments that she had seen her. She had buried this pain for so long, and now being here alone, miles from anyone or anything it all came back in one foul swoop.  She knew that if the effects of being out here weren’t going to kill her reliving the crap parts of her life would do. She wasn't strong enough to deal with it, she never had been, and this certainly wasn't the time to start trying to be. Harry sobbed lying in the darkness with the blackness of depression covering her like suffocating blanket, she was scared, terrified of it returning.

           She had been ill with depression before and it certainly wasn't something that she had ever wanted to revisit. The nothingness which had consumed her entire being had been the most difficult thing for everyone around her, yet at the time it didn't actually make any difference to her. Those around her just put it down to her grief of losing her parents, after all wasn't that enough to make things go a bit astray for a while?

           Losing her parents, “no, not here, not now... I can't” but she could relieve it, no matter how hard she tried to push it away it was coming, the memories. The guilt, the pain. Why them? Why had she not just done what she was told and stayed in that night? She had been 18, out and proud and had been invited to a party by some school friends of hers. Her parents had asked her not to go as they knew that some of the people going were into things that they would rather their little girl didn't get involved with – drugs. Her mother had begged her not to go. She had sneaked out any way. She hadn't understood. She soon had that night when she had got there. She had no idea what she had got herself into and she had no way of getting out of it. She did the only thing she could, she called her Mum. She had owned up. She told her Mum that it wasn't just a party as she thought it was, not just drugs which she stayed away from – drugs just wasn't her scene. What she hadn't accounted for was the amount of people there, with a large number writhing together in a drink and drug fuelled mess on the floor not aware of who was watching or who they were doing whatever with. Harry had been scared. She didn't want this; she wanted to get as far away from here as quickly as she could.

           On the phone she was waiting for the “I told you so” that she knew was coming, it didn't. She heard everything. Her Mum refused to put the phone down to her, so she wasn't alone. She felt protected whilst talking to her Mum. She heard her wake her Dad and them just get in the car without getting dressed. He drove, she gave directions.

           The screams were something which she had lived with forever. They came now in her head, just as surreal as they had on that night. She heard her Mother scream with blind panic as she realised that the car coming the other way wasn't on the right side on the road and was going to hit them hard and head on.

           The two cars crashed together as Harry stood in the middle of a field listening to her Father taking his last breaths as her Mother told him how much she loved him and always would. She had wanted to call an ambulance, but she couldn't bear to put her phone down. She needed to hear them for as long as possible.  Even now, lying on the cold, damp sand she felt the same terror she felt then as the cars smashed together, headlights smashing, the tinkling of broken glass, the mangled sound of steel on steel, sounds which she would never escape.

           She knew that neither of her parents would survive, she had already heard her Father die and her Mother wasn't far behind. It was torture. She grabbed someone walking past her and made them call the emergency services. She stayed on the line talking to her Mother waiting for the sirens to arrive, her hope for her diminishing by the second as her voice became fainter and less often. Harry couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, she was frozen in fear. Too late she heard the sirens arrive. Too late for her beautiful Mother, her doting Father. Too late for her. Part of her died that night too.

           She was taken to the hospital to identify the bodies of her parents by the policewoman who had taken the phone from her Mother and who had finished the job that her parents had been unable to do – to rescue her from the nightmare still going on around her. Seeing her parents like that was unbearable, she collapsed as she was faced with the reality of what she had heard on the phone. The bodies of her parents lying in the mortuary at the hospital was a sight she had etched in her mind, but which she had worked hard at drawing blinds around day by day ever since. Now all the blinds were open and the image was glaring at her.

           After that long night was over came the funeral arrangements, police reports, the funerals and the inquest not necessarily in that order. All these years later it still felt as if all these horrible stages of saying goodbye to her loving and supportive parents had happened at the same time everything was so blurred in her memory even though she had her diaries to sort things out in a timeline.  It all seemed to drag on for what felt like forever. It was all so hard, especially when you were 18 and alone to deal with your grief. How could she ever look her Grandmother in the eye again knowing that it was her fault?

           When the verdict was delivered at the inquest Harry felt as if she had been dealt the final blow. She knew she would never recover. According to the evidence and the police those in the other car had escaped with a few cuts and bruises and had tried to walk away. They had come from the same place that Harry had been trying to escape. They were both high on a cocktail of amphetamines, ecstasy and vodka. Neither of them even saw the car with her parents in it. Harry sunk to her knees in absolute despair. It was all her fault in so many ways. She deserved the pain which she felt then, that she carried around with her and which she was reliving now. 

           Harry was sure that she was hallucinating; she heard voices calling her name. She looked round, it was dark, and it was cold. She couldn't see anyone, but then again she couldn't see a lot right now and it hurt, it really hurt to try to look at anything. She tried listening, but all she could hear was the sound of the waves against the shore and the cliffs a little further round the bend she had been heading towards before the slide.

           Again the voices came, she tried to call back but her throat was so dry from the sand and the salt in the air. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't shout loudly enough, even to her it sounded little more than a whisper. She knew that she would have to be heard over the sounds all around her if she was to be rescued. 'Hah!' She thought, 'Rescued?' She didn’t believe that it was going to happen, she still believed that she was going to die on the beach and never be found. Part of her didn’t believe that she deserved to be rescued. She believed that she deserved everything that was happening to her right now. She seemed to hurt or destroy anyone she ever cared about. Again she shivered involuntarily which sent ripples of pain throughout her body. All she could see was Alice’s face. She didn’t want to die not knowing what had happened last night. That thought was enough to give her hope.

           She summoned all the breath she could inside her lungs which were burning, “Help!” She screamed as loudly as she could, almost instantly she could hear people travelling in her direction, soon enough she could hear them calling “Over there! She's over there! Get the medics!” The lights from the torches danced on the cliffs near her, she could see that help was on the way, she wasn't going to die alone on this bloody beach. She could pull back her life from here. She could see Alice.

           She could find out what happened. She could ease the pain which she had relived and relived all day and night, she could make something better of her life and be with someone she cared deeply about. Someone she thought she loved. She screamed one name before she passed out again. The name she screamed was not “Alice.”

           Chapter Seventeen

           Matt had driven both Alice and Mrs Murray straight to the hospital after he had told them that Harry had been found alive, but unconscious and injured.

           He hadn't much experience of telling others news like this and had felt so out of his depth, thankfully it had been a long time since he had to. He hadn't been prepared for the utter emotion which the two women would let out. He had been expecting relief, but not the uncontrollable sobbing from Alice all the way to the hospital.

           Alice sat quietly, just holding Harry’s hand, dozing when she could in the green plastic chair positioned on the right of the hospital bed in which the woman she wanted to be her lover was now lying. Harry looked terrible. Her left arm was in plaster from the fingers to her elbow, her ankle was broken and her head had needed stitches from a large cut. She was also under monitoring for concussion and brain trauma. Alice was just so glad that she was alive; she would have a chance to explain her side of things. She had been here politely refusing to leave when anyone made the tentative suggestion.

           She heard Harry murmur which roused her from her light sleep. She woke up quickly, alert in case something was wrong. She was still very shaken by what had happened to the woman who she had wanted to be with so badly. She didn't think that she would ever be able to let her out of her sight again. 'Stupid to think that' she thought to herself, after all right now she didn't even know if Harry ever wanted to talk to her again. 'I couldn't blame her if she didn't; why would she?'  Her old self doubts started to creep back in, no matter how hard she tried to shut them out, they just kept coming. She had to keep fighting them.

           Harry slowly opened her eyes, the shock of the light causing tremendous pain through her skull. She tried to move, the casts were too heavy and awkward. She heard a voice, but through the fog in her head it sounded so far away, she knew that she recognised it, but she couldn't place it,

           “Harry! Harry! You’re awake, thank God. I’ve been so worried about you”

           She felt the owner of the voice lean forward and kiss her gently. She tried to move her head but couldn’t; the pain was just too bad. As she slowly came to a bit more, taking in more of her surroundings she recognised the smell of this woman and the feel of her hair,

           “Alice?” She whispered, unable to manage anything else.

           “Harry. Are you OK? Are you in pain? Shall I get the doctor?” With that she pressed the buzzer and awaited the imminent arrival of the nursing staff. She wasn't disappointed, as always the nurse who had been caring for Harry arrived at the end of the bed. As always she took control of the situation as Alice had seen her do so many other times since Harry had been admitted several days ago.

           “Ahh you have decided to rejoin us” came the Belfast accent which rang out clear and in control. This nurse seemed to be a force to be reckoned with. She may not have been very tall in stature, but she carried an air of self confidence which made her the envy of all the other women who came into contact with her. That and she had every male member of staff as well as all the gay female staff, falling over themselves trying to get her to go out on a date with her due to her witty conversation, her straight talking attitude and her amazing cleavage which only just stayed within the confines of the nurses dark blue uniform.

           Harry looked up at this stranger, her eyes now focussing. She could make out the short dark hair, the glasses and the clear colour of her blue eyes, but everything was still hazy around the edges.

           “Now then, I am quite sure that you have one almighty headache there.” Harry nodded at her nurses’ words, “I can organise you some pain relief in just a moment, but I will need to get the doctor to have a look at you just to make sure that you haven't done more damage than we thought. OK?”

           Harry tried to nod, but the pain was too much. “Thanks” was all she could mumble.   She wanted to be left alone to come back through the pain of her memories in her own time. She also knew that this wouldn't happen. She tried to signal to the nurse that she wanted space.

           “Alice?” the nurse seemed to understand what Harry wanted, “do you think you could give us a few minutes to get Harriet a bit more comfortable?”

           She didn't want to leave her, but Alice did as she was asked, “I'll be right over there” she said pointing to outside the room.

           “Ah, we'll be a while, why don't you go and get a cup of tea or something? You have been here since she came in. Go home, get a shower and we'll see you in a bit. OK?”

           “Harry? Is that OK with you? I can stay if you want, I'd like to.” Alice looked into Harry's eyes as she begged her with her own to allow her to stay.

           Harry tried to nod, but couldn't. The pain was too bad. “Go” was all she could say.

           Alice tried not to let the tears come until she had got outside the ward, but it wasn't going to happen that way. Before she had even left the ward they started streaming down her face. They were tears of relief that Harry was really OK – she had come round. That was just the best thing that could happen right now, although she was also fighting the feeling of dread that something was wrong. Harry hadn't seemed pleased to see her, although when she thought about it she was sure that it would be because she had only just come round and needed time. She hoped anyway.  She cried all the way home. She ran up the stairs to her small flat above the shop and sank to the floor. She really didn't know how much more she could take. She knew she couldn't afford to have her heart broken again.

           Mary, the nurse Harry had found out, was very straight talking and had told Harry how important it was that she tried to talk as well as rest. She had helped Harry to clean up, put on a fresh gown and made her as comfortable as she could whilst she waited for the doctor.

           While she was tending to her charge she asked about Alice, “You two been together for long?”

           “No”

           “Really? Well you could have fooled me, she has been here as soon as you have been on the ward and she hasn't left you. She must really care for you.”

           “Maybe.”

           “Aw c'mon now.” She stopped talking as she heard the doctor approaching.

           He carried out his examination of Harry telling her how lucky she was. Harry didn't feel particularly lucky. She was alive, yes, but what was life without love? She had Alice hanging around and knew that she had been leading her on, but her time on the beach had left her with only one thought; Lucy and she had made it very clear that she didn't want Harry. She wondered whether she needed to make the choice to settle for Alice or live alone. Could she live a lie? But what about Alice? Could she do that to her?

           A few days later Harry was allowed to go home. She had said her “goodbyes” and “thank you's” to the staff of the hospital that had looked after her with such care and attention. She said a special “thank you” to Mary, promising her that she would think things through carefully before she acted on anything. Over the few days that she had been incarcerated in hospital Harry had built up a more open relationship with another person than she had experienced for many years. It had been strange for her to have someone to confide in, to talk to without judgement. She had found herself spilling out all her thoughts, not necessarily from choice, but she had been screaming out in her nightmares which had returned. She had thought that she had finally beaten the terrors which were there in her subconscious but she had been storing them after many hours of various types of therapy. They had all escaped the boxes she had shut them into and had been running free. She would have to resort everything and “re-file” everything. Harry laughed to herself strangely, “and I hate bloody filing!”

           As she left the hospital she was looking forward to a quiet taxi drive home, however there to her surprise was Alice waiting for her with her car.

           Alice had kept her distance since Harry had regained her voice and told her to go away and not come back until she called. She had known that Harry didn't really mean it, but hadn't wanted to crowd her anyway in the hope that she would come round, so she had done what she had asked. She had stayed away, but she had called at least twice every day just to find out how she was, so she knew that she was being discharged today and had been waiting since early this morning rooted to the spot so she didn't miss her. She knew it would be an awkward meeting, she wasn't disappointed...

           “Harry?”

           “Alice. What are you doing here? I told you to stay away.”

           “I know. I was hoping that you didn't mean it. I can go if you like, but I thought you might just want a lift home?”

           “I’ve called a taxi.”

           “Oh OK.” Alice looked crestfallen. She turned to walk away, this all seemed futile. She hoped that when she was feeling better that Harry would contact her. She didn't really see what it was that she had done which was so bad; she hoped that someone would explain it to her. So far no one had. Harry felt a stab at her heart, she did care, she had always known that she did, but could she put Alice through the turmoil that she would have to go through to put everything back how it should be, fixing herself?

           “Alice?” She turned to look at Harry, “OK, thanks I’d love a lift.”

           Alice's eyes lit up and she hurried back to Harry. She practically pushed the nurse out of the way and helped Harry into her car. As she got into the car she really didn't know whether to talk, to put the music on or just to sit in silence.

           “Are you comfortable Harry? Would you like some music on?”

           “Alice, please don't fuss.”

           “I'm sorry. I won't. It's just nice to have you out of there.”

           Harry laughed, startling Alice. She wasn't expecting to hear that. “You should have tried being in there! At least you got to leave when you wanted to!”

           “Don't you mean when you sent me home?” Immediately Alice regretted saying that. She hadn't meant to say anything which might upset Harry.

           “Sorry. But it was for the best. Trust me.”

           There was an uneasy pause, “Why?” Alice asked almost under her breath.

           “I can't talk about it now; I have a lot to sort out. Please, just trust me. I will tell you when I'm ready.”

           Alice tried to resign herself to just never knowing what was going on but it wasn't something which she could do. She needed to know. She thought it was at least progress that she was sitting so close and breathing the same air as Harry tonight. It could have been so different. She shivered at the thought of what might have been trying to push the thoughts as far from her as she could. It wasn't important, she was here, and she was safe. That was all that mattered; they could work through everything together now they had time to do so.

           “Everyone has been so worried about you, Mrs Murray especially, she wants to know if she can come round and check up on you” Alice glanced at Harry and was relieved to see that she was smiling.

           “It's lovely that she cares, but I bet she just wants the gossip!” Harry couldn't stop herself from giggling, the sound making her jump. She hadn't laughed for such a long time. Once it started she just kept going. Alice joined in, having always found Harry's laugh contagious and they both felt the tension melt away. All too soon for both of them the moment passed and the awkwardness returned.

           “Harry, I've been thinking” Alice began nervously,

           “Hmm”

           “Well I know that you aren't going to find it easy while you are in plaster.”

           “True, it's not going to be as easy as it was before”

           “Well, would you let me help you?”

           Harry paused, did she really want Alice around whilst she was trying to put herself back together? It hadn't been pretty last time, she was sure that this time wouldn't be any different. She couldn't help it, but her mind wandered to Lucy. If it had been her offering then would there be any doubt? She flinched as the memory of Lucy leaving her hit her once more.

           “Harry, are you OK? Was it something I did?” Alice had seen the movement which Harry had hoped she hadn't.

           “I will be and no, not you.”

           They passed the rest of the journey quietly, barely chatting at all.  It was far from the silence filled with tension which had hung between them in the beginning of the journey, but also was nowhere near the comfortable silences which they had experienced before.

           Chapter Eighteen

           All too soon Harry's house came up at the end of the road and Alice's heart sank. She was sure that Harry would send her away, but she also knew that Harry wouldn't be able to cope and get into bed on her own. She just needed to talk to her, explain what happened. She still believed that all of this was down to her. She was the one who was responsible for Harry being upset, for her walking, being trapped and being in the hospital. It was her fault, she had to try to make it up to her somehow, and she just hoped that Harry would let her try.

           “Why are there lights on?” Harry had seen the lights blazing from her windows. She knew that she hadn't left any on before she had gone walking a week ago, ‘a week? Has is really been a week? So much has happened...' The thoughts were racing through her head, but she had no idea how the lights had been switched on. She knew that no one else had any keys. How had someone got in?

           “Ah, don't be angry, but Matt let us in so we could get you some bread, milk and clean up for you.” Alice was nervous; she knew that Harry was someone who was so fiercely independent.

           “He shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have.”

           “I know, but I wanted to. Don't be cross with Matt, please? He was kind of bullied into it by Mrs Murray.”

           Alice could tell that Harry wasn't happy, but she also thought that it was just because she was tired and in pain, wanting to get home.

           “You look tired”

           “I feel it.”

           “Are you in pain?”

           “No, it's not too bad, just not very comfortable, y'know?”

           “Yeah”

           They pulled up outside Harry's beautiful home. They sat in the car and watched as her front door opened and Mrs Murray stood waving towards them.

           “Ready?” Alice asked.

           Harry nodded. “Yup. I can't wait to get inside.”

           Alice helped Harry into the house and went back to get her bags. As she walked back in she overheard Mrs Murray talking to her,

           “Harry, love, you have been through a lot, don't make any decisions now. Leave it a while. Take it from an old woman who might just understand.”

           “OK, but I don't want to hurt her.” The sadness Alice heard in Harry's voice hit her hard, taking all the wind out of her. Harry was talking about her, she didn't want her around. She had to sort this out.

           “Why not just give her time to explain and for you to really talk to her? Tell her everything? You shouldn't be making this decision for her, she needs to know.”

           Alice felt sick. She felt the room spinning. Terrified she would pass out she steadied herself against the cold wall. Concentrating on her breathing she tried to block out what was being said. She couldn't. She really had hoped that Harry would give her chance to explain and for them to start again with a clean slate.

           “I know you are right, but how? Where do I start?”

           “By listening dear. You need to know what happened with her and she needs to know about you. There are too many secrets and ties to the past which need to be resolved and explained before you can both move on and be happy; whether that is together, or not.”

           Harry sighed deeply, “You’re right, I know you are.”

           “Where do you want these?” Alice couldn't eavesdrop anymore; she needed to get this out in the open. She couldn't carry on hoping if there was nothing to hope for.

           “Oh just in here for now will be fine, I'll go through them later. Thanks Alice.”

           Alice placed the bags down where Harry had indicated. She looked at Harry, then at Mrs Murray. She needed to say something, but didn't know where to start,

           “Harry, I wanted to apologise for the other night.”

           “I should be going. I will just call a taxi if that's OK and leave you to it.” Mrs Murray started walking towards the door, picking up her handbag.

           Alice looked at Harry and then at Mrs Murray nervously, “Actually I think I would rather it if you stayed. You know everything I am about to say anyway. I know you are probably tired, but would you?”

           “Harry? Do you want me to stay?”

           “Yes please.”

           Mrs Murray settled herself back on the sofa and prepared herself for a long night. She didn't feel particularly comfortable being involved in this, it should be something between Alice and Harry, but they had asked her to stay so she didn't feel as if she could just leave either.

           “Harry, I was wrong. I need to explain, but it's not going to be easy and it's a long story. Are you sure you are OK for me to do this now?”

           Harry nodded, “there are some things that I need to tell you too Alice.”

           “The other night when I came over here and you showed me around I acted strangely. I am sorry”

           “It's OK, it doesn't matter”

           “But it does. It matters to me. It's part of who I am and I think that you need to know.” Alice had been looking right into Harry's eyes, but now she dropped her eyes and hung her head.

           Harry realised that no matter how tired she was or how much she wanted to just collapse in bed, this was something which Alice needed to do. Right now she didn't really want to listen. She wanted to sleep. She wanted to be left alone. That wasn't going to happen. This was going to happen now, so she listened.

           “I need to tell you everything. I am so sorry. I should have said earlier, but I have been so scared.”

           “Scared of what?”

           “Telling you.”

           “Telling me what? Why? What did you think I would do?”

           “Leave”

           The air hung as they both took in how much this meant to Alice and in turn to their future. She took a deep breath,

           “Looking around your home scared me. You have everything, I have nothing. There is so much about me that you don't know. So much I have been trying to hide for such a long time and I don't even know where to start telling you now. But I have to. I have to get rid of the secrets. I don't need to be tied to the past when all I want is to be free in the future. All I ask is that you try not to judge me until you have heard everything.” Harry nodded. Alice continued, “A really long time ago my name wasn't Alice. It was Laura.” As Alice retold her story she watched Harry closely to see if she could catch even a glimmer of what she was thinking.

           Harry thought her heart would break as she heard Alice describing the fear of her childhood, the dread of the nightly visits from her father. The way she described feeling dirty all the time, screaming on the inside, but having to be the perfect daughter on the outside so she could help him keep up the pretence of being the perfect gentleman and businessman.

           Alice wept as she told Harry her about her time with 'him.' She understood why Alice had done what she had done to get away, but to be trapped like that... It was unimaginable.

           “So after spending many years trying to get away from one abusive bastard I was running away from another – the one who had promised me he was different, that he would save me and protect me forever. I was broken. There was nothing I could do. It had to be my fault that men treated me like this. It had to be something that I did. So that's how I ended up here, I had run out of energy to run any more. I couldn't do it. My life was about as bad as I could ever expect it to be and to be honest I was just going to stay here for a while until I killed myself or he found me. I didn't deserve anything else. I deserved whatever was coming for me.

           That was when I met Henry. He helped me to see that it didn't have to be that way and that I could get better, I was just ill after being through what I had been through. He helped me to get a lease on the shop and helped me to get set up.” Alice stopped and looked at Mrs Murray; I know that not even you knew about this 'till now. Henry promised me he wouldn't tell anyone and as far as I know he didn't. I always was really thankful to him for that.” She looked at Harry, “Then I met you and I knew that however hard it had been the fight was worth it, that Henry had been right and I would meet someone wonderful. Then by not telling you everything I screwed everything up. But that's what I do. I am so sorry. I can understand if you never want to have anything to do with me again.” Alice had held herself together as much as she could and broke. Everything had come flooding back as she retold everything once again and it was more than she could take.

           Harry sat on the sofa, totally absorbed in what Alice was saying. It suddenly dawned on her how fragile she was, how scared, how... how... beautiful and perfect. She was consumed by love for Alice. She knew she had always wanted to be involved with her, but now she needed it too. She had been cold, hard and selfish to send her away when she was in hospital. She tried to move over towards Alice, but with the casts in the way she just couldn't manage it, besides as soon as she started trying to move Mrs Murray and Alice tried to intervene,

           “Harry where are you going? What are you trying to do?”

           “I was trying to get to Alice to give her a hug” suddenly she laughed. There was nothing funny, but the way that she needed to pull Alice close, but the predicament of the casts just meant that she couldn't and she looked like a beached whale trying very ungracefully to get up off the sofa.

           “Harry, I hardly think this is the time for laughing dear.”

           “Mrs Murray, I totally agree, but it was either laugh or cry and to be honest I have done so much crying recently.” She stopped and looked at Alice, “Alice, please come here, all I want to do is hold you and I seem to be stuck.” Again she giggled.

           Alice moved towards Harry. She was unsure of what to expect. The sudden mood changes worried her. She knew that when she had been ill she hadn't been able to control her emotions and she could see the same thing in Harry.

           When Harry had her good arm wrapped around Alice she instantly felt better. She felt that she could control anything and everything in her path. She glanced down at Alice as she leant into her shoulder as she had done what seemed like so long ago. Alice looked more at ease. She looked broken, but better. She looked as if a large weight had been lifted from her. Being wrapped in Harry comforted her, it felt right. She didn't feel as if the ghosts of her past were coming for her any more, that she had a future and it was with Harry, here in this house. For the first time since that night she started to relax, but not for long.

           “Alice, as you have told me everything, it is only right that I explain why I sent you away from the hospital and why I have been a total bitch to you.”

           “You haven't been and you don't need to explain anything.”

           “Yes she does” Both girls looked up at Mrs Murray in surprise.

           “Why? Mrs Murray, why does Harry have to explain?”

           “Trust me; you need to hear her story. You need to so you can understand how she is and why she is that way.”

           “She is right Alice, you need to know. I can't have secrets from you anymore. Now seems like the right time to tell you. If you can tell me everything you have, then I can tell you about me.” Instinctively she pulled Alice closer. She really wanted to have her to herself, she wanted to be lying in bed with her, with her wrapped in her arms and never letting her go. She hoped that one day that would happen, but first of all she had to explain. She was dreading this, she had been dreading this moment since she realised that she even liked her.

           “Alice, I have been unfair to you. I always have been.” Alice pulled away and looked deeply into Harry's eyes, but she let her continue, “There is so much I haven't told you. There is so much I should and there's so much which scares the shit out of me. I ran away from everything before, I always have done so I didn't have to deal with it. Normally I keep it all hidden away, filed in boxes in my head, but all the files have been spilled and I don't know how long it will take to sort the mess out.” Tears spilled from the corners of her eyes.

           Although she desperately wanted to hold her, she didn't. Alice just sat and listened; she had a million questions, but knew that as Harry had let her, she needed to just let her talk. Once it had started it wasn't going to stop, the same as it hadn't for her.

           “I thought I had dealt with everything. I really did. I thought that it was all going to be OK. I thought that we were going to be OK.” Alice looked scared.

           “We are” she hesitated, “if that's what you want. I know I do.”

           “But Alice, you don't know anything about me, none of the important stuff. No one does, well apart from Mrs Murray. I haven't told anyone. Not everything. I owe you the truth. I have always been in love with another woman.” She could see Alice recoil and she hated hurting her, but she had to get it all out in the open, “Her name is Lucy. I have known her for years. Too many years. She saved me from myself when we were at Uni together. I always thought we would be together forever.” She watched the tears streaming down Alice's perfect porcelain like face. “But she had other ideas. We only spent one night together, even though we had lived together for so many years before. It was meant to have been her wedding night and she had chosen me. It was amazing. I had wanted her for so long, and that night she told me that she felt the same. That night was the most amazing night of my life. But the next morning she was gone and I haven't seen or heard from her since.”

           “But you still love her?” Alice had to ask, she had to know.

           “Yes. But I think part of me will always love her. She hurt me more than any other thing ever had, apart from the death of my parents. I may love her, but I am not in love with her any more. I thought I was, until I sent you away in the hospital. It wasn't her I wanted, it was you.”

           “You have me.”

           “You haven't heard it all yet.”

           “How much more can there be? You've told me you love me, what else do I need to know?”

           “Everything.”

           Mrs Murray stood up, “This is where I leave you. You both need to carry on talking and I will be in to check on you later.”

           “How are you going to get home?”

           The knock at the door answered that. Neither of them had noticed that she had got up and called Matt earlier who was only too willing to pick her up and escort her home.  They said their goodbyes.

           “What do you mean everything?”

           “I need you to be really sure if you want to get involved with me. You need to know what it is that you are getting into”

           “I already know, well everything that's important anyway. Harry why can't you just accept I love you and want to be with you?”

           “It's not that simple.” She paused, “I killed my parents”

           The shock of this revelation made Alice sit up and gasp. “What do you mean?”

           Harry retold every moment she had relived whilst she had been on the beach. She sobbed her way through the story, she shook with emotion. Alice moved in to hold her as she explained,

           “Harry, there is no way it is your fault; you can't carry on blaming yourself.”

           “But it IS my fault. If I hadn't gone out, if I hadn't called them, if the others hadn't come from the party then none of it would have happened. It is my fault.”

           Alice pulled Harry into her arms. She held her tight, stoking her hair as she continued to sob. They stayed like that until Harry fell asleep against Alice. She drifted off enjoying the closeness of Harry lying snuggled up to her. She wished that they were together in a comfortable bed as she was cold on the side which didn't have Harry lying on it, but she was just grateful that she was here with Harry at all.  She knew that everything would be OK from here on.

           Chapter Nineteen

           Several hours later the early sunlight started to stream through the large glass windows causing Alice to wake. She glanced down amazed that she was here with Harry. She had only hoped that things would be ok between them, she hadn’t for once thought that to get there it would take bearing her soul completely and listening whilst Harry did the same. So many secrets had been hidden for so long. 

           As she felt Harry start to stir she found herself stroking her hair and instinctively holding her closer. Harry opened her eyes slowly, enjoying the feeling of being touched, but wincing at the discomfort from being in plaster and haven slept awkwardly on the sofa. She twisted as much as she could so she could look into Alice's face. She smiled. Alice smiled back.

           “Good morning sleepy, how are you feeling?”

           “Morning. I'm OK, a little stiff, but OK I think. Thanks for staying last night.”

           “You’re more than welcome. Do you want some painkillers? Something to eat? Coffee?”

           “Alice, don't fuss. I'm not used to it!”

           “Well you had better get used to it. I like fussing and I don’t intend to go anywhere.” She smiled cheekily.

           Although things seemed fine on the surface there was still a lot to sort out between them. Neither of them wanted to say anything to risk how they were together right now, but both knew that they would have to if they were going to make it as a couple.

           Alice helped Harry to sit up and went into the kitchen to make breakfast. She heard noises of Harry trying to move around in the front room, so she turned around and started to go back in to Harry to check on her. She stopped short as she overheard the conversation Harry was having on the phone,

           “No, it's fine. I really think that it will all be OK. I really can't thank you enough for everything, you truly have been amazing.” There was a break in Harry talking... “No I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Behave.” She giggled. “Look I will call you again when I can.... Me too...”

           The feeling of dread which had finally been locked up inside her returned with a vengeance. She knew that it wasn't just a friendly phone call to Mrs Murray; after all she didn’t flirt with Mrs Murray. So who was she on the phone to? Who was she flirting with? Didn't last night's honesty count for anything?

           She was gripped by a flight or fight response. She wanted to run, she wanted to never come back, and she knew that she couldn't hear that Harry had been lying to her last night when she told her that she was always going to love her and that this was just the start of their relationship with honesty all the way.

           The other part of her wanted to go in and find out what was going on. She wanted to fight for Harry and for what she hoped that they might have in the future. She wanted to make Harry realise how much she wanted her and wanted to be with her, but she wasn't sure she was strong enough. She had opened up her heart and soul last night, laying herself bare and this felt like she was being trampled on. She felt sick.

           “Alice?” Harry's voice rang through from the lounge. Against her better judgement Alice walked into the room with a smile on her face,

           “Harry? Are you OK?”

           “I'm sorry I was just wondering if there was any way that I could ask you to make me a coffee and help me to the bathroom. I really need to change and take some painkillers.”

           “Oh yes, course I can.”  She went over to Harry and gently helped her to the bathroom. She was glad that this was a bungalow and she didn't have to help her to negotiate stairs which would have been impossible. She left Harry in the bathroom and went to make her a coffee and some breakfast.

           Over breakfast the silence was tangible. It was far from comfortable, but neither of them wanted to raise the issues which were right in the middle of them, hanging, almost visible. They made small talk. Eventually Alice couldn't take it anymore. She had to know,

           “Harry, I know it's rude and none of my business, but I heard you on the phone earlier. Are you seeing someone?”

           “Yes. I am seeing someone.”

           “Oh.” The look on Alice's face said it all,

           “You.”

           “Oh” Alice's expression changed to one of surprise and embarrassment. “Sorry.”

           “Why? What were you thinking? That I had several other girlfriends hanging around and I was only keeping you here as my nursemaid?” She winked,

           “Maybe... erm, no, not really...”

           “It's OK, don't panic.”

           Alice relaxed and smiled at Harry. Suddenly again in an instant her instincts were shoved out the door and she was suddenly happier than she had ever been. Harry had called her, her girlfriend. She felt like she was on cloud nine.

           Mrs Murray was at the door, she had arrived to take over from Alice so she could go to the shop, “you still have a business to run” she said wisely over Alice's protests.

           Alice leant over to kiss Harry goodbye when Harry took her by surprise and pulled her closer for a far more intimate kiss. The floor fell away from under her feet and she was floating.

           She left for work promising she would be back as soon as she could, with a smile on her face from ear to ear. So this is what being in love felt like? She liked it, a lot.

           The day flew by as she desperately wanted to get home to Harry. She was so busy as she hadn't been open as much since Harry's accident, just a couple of hours on whatever days she could manage. She wasn't sure whether everyone was coming in to buy her food, to get the gossip or to just stare at the newly out lesbian. It always amazed her how fast news travels in a small place. This was just daft though. She was surprised how much she was actually enjoying the attention; none of it was negative, not even from the group of older members of the community. She was shocked, but also had a sneaky suspicion that Mrs Murray had spoken to them.

           She locked up as soon as she could and raced in the car back to Harry. She had bought chocolates, bread and cakes. She practically ran down the pathway to get to her, not noticing the cars parked up as she ran past them.

           As she got to the door she pushed it open calling out as she walked in, “Harry, don't get up it's only me. I have cake and chocolate!”

           But no answer came. She noticed how quiet it was in the house. She walked quickly and quietly to the kitchen, put down the boxes of treats she had bought with her and decided that maybe it was just that Harry was sleeping.

           She went from the kitchen to the lounge, hoping to see both Mrs Murray and Harry dozing on the chair and sofa respectively. She didn't. Alice still wasn't worried as such, but she was getting more concerned. She walked round the house looking for Harry and Mrs Murray. She looked in Harry's bedroom, nothing. She looked in the guest room, again nothing. She checked the bathrooms. She still couldn't find her. She was now worried. She was about to start making phone calls when she heard something from the only room she hadn't checked – Harry's study. Cautiously she went to the door; she opened it slowly and nearly wet herself when she saw that Harry had Mrs Murray on her desktop computer on one side of her massive desk and Harry on her laptop on the other side, talking loudly and passionately about something to each other. It was really funny to see them both so involved in whatever it was so animatedly. Alice laughed loudly, although she hadn't wanted to disturb them.

           “Hi” She managed to get out between laughs.

           “Hi Alice” Mrs Murray looked up, “Sorry didn't hear you come in”

           “I gathered. What are you up to?”

           “Hi babe! Ah, Mrs Murray has persuaded me to get on with my novel. We were doing research.” Harry looked genuinely pleased to see her which made Alice's heart skip a beat.

           “That's great news. I'll just put the kettle on and leave you to it.”

           “You don't have to, although a cup of tea would be nice, didn't realise it had got so late. We kind of lost track of time”

           “No problem.”

           Alice went out to the kitchen, put the kettle on and went about making tea. She felt really happy now she knew that everything was OK. 'She called me babe!' Alice replayed the way that Harry had greeted her over and over in her head, the feeling of elation not diminishing. She made the tea, put the mugs on a tray which she had found whilst looking for more tea bags. She added some of the pastries and chocolates which she had bought back from the shop and carefully carried it to the study.

           Harry's study was, like the rest of the house, very well thought out. She had picked a beautiful room for it. She had large windows put in, as she had throughout the house, so that she could have a similar view as she had in the lounge – right out over the perfectly sculpted garden and towards the wood behind her house. She had decorated it in pale and neutral shades of browns. It had the most amazing air of calm about it. On the wall next to the wall of glass it was floor to ceiling in shelves. The pale wood shelves held up with chrome brackets were so elegant even though each one was full with books. As she looked closer she noticed that the books were all arranged by theme and then alphabetically within that theme. This was borderline OCD! In the middle of the large room there were two large desks placed together. The heavy dark wood should look out of place, but looked as if it was designed just for this, to fulfil the needs and desires of Harry. She had large squashy office chairs at each desk, with a desktop computer on one and her laptop on the other. She had a row of wooden filing cabinets along the wall by the door. On the free wall she had an amazingly large picture.

           As Alice looked at the picture she was amazed by how beautiful it was. She hadn't realised at first that it was a large photograph. The black and white image stared back at her. She recognised a younger Harry, but she had no idea about the other people, it was a very atmospheric photo, taken at some kind of rally. Then it hit her as she looked further into the photo she noticed the banners, the flags. Harry had been watching her looking with amusement,

           “Pride, London, 1998. We had such a great time.”

           “Looks like it!”

            “Yeah, it was a great day and a pretty good night if I remember rightly!” That wicked grin spread across Harry's face again.

           Alice decided to change the subject; she didn't think that she could face talking about Harry's past sexual conquests just yet. She wanted to experience that herself first. She felt herself blush at that thought of her and Harry being together.

           Mrs Murray had helped herself to her tea and a cake, “OO Alice, these are delicious. Thanks.”

           “You're welcome.” Alice was glad of the diversion. “I know you two are busy, shall I leave you to it?”

           “There's no need, it's time we called it a day today anyway. I don't think I can argue murder weapons and motives anymore.”

           “That just sounds so wrong Harry!”  They all laughed, sitting drinking tea and eating cakes and chocolates as Harry and Mrs Murray explained the plot and issues they were debating to Alice.

           She suddenly felt this huge wave of emotion wash over her and started crying.

           “Hunni what's up? Did we upset you?”

           “No you didn't upset me. I'm crying coz I'm so happy. I've never felt this at home anywhere before.”

           “Oh Alice” Harry smiled. “I would come over there and hug you, but...” she indicated her cast; “it might take me a while” she laughed.

           That night after they had eaten together Alice took Mrs Murray home. She had hoped that she would be returning to Harry's, but she had asked for some space tonight as she just wanted to get some writing done. Alice had said it was fine and so she returned to her flat.

           Chapter Twenty

           A couple of months after having her casts off Harry had her last physio appointment. She knew that Alice wanted to be there for her and part of her desperately wanted to be able to celebrate with her, but she also knew that Alice had to open the shop as much as possible now to make up for all the time she had taken off since the accident so that she could and would be around to look after and fuss over her.  So she got in the cab and went off to see her physio, her torturer.

           Alice had spent the whole day desperate to get back to Harry's. She had already planned what she would be making them for dinner and was secretly hoping that Mrs Murray wouldn't be there all night. She had come to love the elderly lady, but she also really wanted to talk to Harry and just to snuggle with her on the sofa while watching TV. Although Mrs Murray didn't necessarily have 'a problem' with them being a couple, they had tried to be as subtle as they could around her, not wanting to make her feel like a spare part or add to her feelings of loneliness in any way. They had tried hard at first to include her in their plans and now they just assumed that she would be part of whatever they were doing. As awful as Alice felt about it, she was feeling that she desperately needed Harry to herself for a while. She tried hard to shrug off that feeling all day by making the most amazing chocolate and pastry creations and chatting to her customers, but had failed. The feeling just grew more and more. Although they had been together for a few months now they had yet to share a wild night of passion.  They had obviously had the odd fumble, which had been great, but the casts, the soreness and the stiffness had certainly hampered their adventures. They both had vowed that they would make up for it and as Harry was doing so much better Alice knew the time was approaching. Although the lust and all consuming desire she had for Harry was growing second by second she was so nervous. What if she wasn’t good enough? What if she was a disappointment? What if she didn’t enjoy it as much as she wanted to? She had never felt like this with anyone and was so desperate for it all to be perfect. It had to be said that the day dragged on and on even though she was so busy.

           The shop had become even busier after she had been shut for a while - whether it was in part due to the apparent need that the villagers had for gossip, or whether it was because Mrs Murray had been working her magic again she didn't know, and certainly wasn't complaining either way. She knew that the villagers had worked so hard when Harry had gone missing and so she had gone round and personally thanked everyone who helped to look for Harry giving gifts of chocolates and pastry, something which was very much appreciated by everyone involved. 

           She couldn't help but rush out of the shop as soon as she could at the end of the day. She practically ran to her car carrying yet more pastries and chocolates, some for herself, Harry and Mrs Murray and others to be delivered on her way home. She was glad that it was Friday as she opened later on a Saturday which meant that she wouldn't be quite so tired as she could have a couple of hours lie in. She was amazed how tired she was, but then she had been trying to work as many of her normal hours as possible as Harry was getting more able to fend for herself as being out at Harry's most nights until late. Even though Harry had offered for her to stay over she had graciously declined once Harry could manage overnight on her own so that she was still able to have the time and routine of getting up early to make the bread, pastries and chocolates for the shop.

           She raced home as soon as she could, not stopping to chat as usual with her customers as she dropped off the deliveries. She just couldn’t wait to get home to be with the one person she wanted more than she ever thought possible.

           Alice had barely got through the door when Harry threw her arms around her in the most passionate embrace that she had ever felt. She knew that her dinner plans would have to be put back several hours while other hungers were seen to. Alice felt Harry’s hand reach up under her top and find their way to her breasts, playing with her nipples. Although they had played like this before and even gone a couple of steps further tonight felt so different, so much more urgent.  She couldn’t help but grin in between kisses,

           “What’s so funny?”

           “You are. You can’t even wait for me to get through the door and here you are trying to rip my clothes off! Not that I’m complaining or anything...”

           “Maybe I just want you?”

           “Oh yeah?”

           Harry took Alice’s hand and led her towards her room.

           “Wow” was about all Alice could manage. Even if she was under any false impressions as to what Harry had planned for her tonight, the sight of the room all aglow with what looked like hundreds of candles didn’t leave much doubt in her mind.

           “You’ve been busy....”

           “Maybe” Harry mumbled between kissing the side of Alice’s neck.

           Alice laughed as she saw that not only Harry had set up all the candles but that she had even covered the bed in rose petals,

           “You ARE joking? Rose petals? Can you get any more clichéd darling?”

           “Too much?” Harry couldn’t help but smile. This was working as well as she had hoped. She wanted tonight to be the most amazing night of Alice’s life. She wanted to show her exactly what it was like to actually have someone to make love to her, not to just take what they wanted and use her. She knew Alice well enough to know how nervous she would be, so decided to go totally overboard in an effort to make her laugh. It had worked.

           They collapsed laughing on the bed,

           “Wait a minute...” Harry leant over to the stereo and pressed play. The room was filled with the soft sensual tones of sax, Alice’s favourite CD. “There. Much better”

           “Perfect. Just like you.” Alice was blown away by the trouble that Harry had gone to in order to make this perfect in every way for her. She allowed her body to do what it was telling her; she rolled over so she was lying on top of Harry, bent her head towards her and kissed her. Harry responded.

           As the sounds of the soft sax gave way to beautiful soulful singing Alice slowly undid the buttons on Harry’s shirt, exposing her ample breasts held in by the most exquisite dark purple satin and black lace bra that Alice had ever seen. She felt her temperature rising and her heart beating faster as her body screamed at her to speed up. She allowed her hands to trace over the material, enjoying the sound of Harry’s breathing coming faster and faster and the feeling of her nipples firming under her playful grip. She leant forward kissing Harry hard, parting her lips with her tongue. Under her she felt Harry tense with anticipation.

           Harry was taken by complete surprise, she had been planning to have her wicked way with Alice, to take her to the highest heights ever achieved through multiple orgasms, and yet here was this magnificent woman totally taking complete control. She wasn’t used to this, but she had to admit that she was rather enjoying it. This was fucking amazing!

           Lying next to Harry, Alice let her fingers slowly, gently trace down towards her jeans. She had a slight moment of panic about whether she would be able to undo the button fly one handed, but decided there was only one way to find out. She was so out of practise. Her fingers found the first button and easily flicked the button through to begin releasing Harry to her fingers, to her touch, to her taste.

           Before they knew it they were both naked lying on the silky satin sheets in a tight embrace, the feel of skin on skin was electric; they had both been waiting for a night like this for what felt like eternity. Everything was perfect, the lighting, the music, the intensity of their desire.

           Harry ran her fingers up and down Alice’s back enjoying the way it made her shudder; she desperately wanted to take control and to feel Alice explode with pleasure beneath her touch. She rolled Alice onto her back taking her nipple between her teeth gently rolling it around in her mouth getting even more turned on by the hardness of it. Her fingers moved down Alice’s body, down over her stomach, down over her outer thigh. The delicate touch was almost more than Alice could take, internally she was begging Harry to push her fingers deep inside her and take her over the edge. Harry however, was in no rush, just enjoying the excitement and the depth of feeling she was experiencing.

           Alice’s fingernails dug deep in Harry’s back as she plunged her tongue deep inside Alice feeling her shake as she exploded.

           They spent the next few hours touching, tasting, exploring and shaking as orgasmic eruption after orgasmic eruption racked through their bodies. Neither of them had ever experienced anything like this ever before.

           That night they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms totally satiated and exhausted.

            Chapter Twenty One

           Alice and Harry had spent seventy two hours in bed, exploring each other and finding new ways to make each other climax. They shut out the rest of the world so that there was nothing and no one except for each other.

           Eventually reality knocked on the door in the shape of Mrs Murray who explained that actually people really wanted to be able to go to Alice’s store and that Rev Dene had been asking about her.

           Alice took the hint and opened her shop the following morning. It was good for her to be back in the shop, back doing what it was that she loved. She had to admit that actually being apart from Harry just made her want her even more.

           Harry and Mrs Murray popped in for coffee whilst they were going for their walk and Alice found it almost impossible to not pull Harry behind the counter and take her there and then. She wanted to rip off her clothes and take her on the counter, on the floor, on the table, anywhere and everywhere she could.  She was so glad when it came to closing time and she could lock everything up and get home to the woman she was desperate to have made mad, passionate love with again.

           She got to her car, opened the passenger door, carefully put her boxes in the seat and made her way round to the driver’s door.

           “Laura? Or should I say Alice?” The voice came out of the dark and struck fear to her very soul. She knew that voice; it was one she had hoped to never ever hear again. It was the voice of her nightmares, the voice of her doubts and fears. She froze instantly, completely unable to do anything.

           “Are you not even going to say hello to me? Don't I deserve that after what you did to me? I have been looking for you for years. I didn't think of you being somewhere like this small town backwater.”

           She tried hard to keep her mind here and now, just outside her shop. This was a safe place for her; nothing could hurt her here. But it could, she knew it could. She may not have any more secrets, but she knew what he was capable of and it certainly wasn't nice. She felt the panic rise and try to take over. She was determined it wouldn't. She reached into her pocket and pressed and held the speed dial number to call Harry. She hoped she would pick up, listen and get her help.  Although she didn't want to add any stress to anyone, but right now she was so scared that she had to do something, this was all she could think of and she knew that Harry would instantly know that there was a problem and she would help. She knew she would.

           “Laura? I am waiting you know. Don't you think that you could at least turn around and face me? After all you did to me.”

           Alice turned slowly to face this man, this abuser, this terrible man. She hoped that Harry could hear what was going on. She waited. She heard her heart thumping so loudly that she was sure that it was going to give away her fear from the cool exterior she was trying to present.

           “This is a surprise. What do you want?”

           “What? Is that all I get? What do I want? No signs of love? You haven't missed me? You aren’t going to beg my forgiveness?” He started walking out of the shadows towards her, she wanted to run. She couldn't.

           “You think I would? After everything you did to me?”

           “Laura, don't be fucking ridiculous, everything you did you did it all to yourself. You deserved everything that happened to you.”

           “Oh yeah, stupid me, I kidnapped myself, I sold myself to all your clients. I asked you to hit me and rape me” She couldn't help it; suddenly she had felt the fear replaced by anger and bitterness, she finally felt strong enough to fight back. She had been shown what it was like to be treated as a whole person, someone to be loved and to be valued; finally she was under no illusions of what this bastard had done to her, what he had put her through. She also wanted Harry under no circumstances to understand what was going on.

           “You seem to remember things differently to me Laura”

           “Please don't call me that. Laura died a long time ago. She died the night I left you.”

           “Ah yes, its Alice now isn't it?” He almost spat the words out.

           She took the pause to compose herself, “Why are you here? What do you want?”

           “I want what you owe me.”

           “Owe you? What the hell do I owe you? I didn't take away your freedom; I didn't rob you of everything you hold important. You did that, you took everything you wanted.”

           “But you are forgetting the plan.”

           “The plan?” She cackled, hysteria not far from her voice. “The plan? You are still holding onto that?” It seemed impossible to her that he was still hoping to use her to get money from her father. She had been missing for such a long time. “So what is it you want from me? So much time has passed; you really think that your stupid plan might work?”

           “Lau...Alice, you seem to underestimate your Father's desperation in finding you and knowing that his dirty little secret is safe. See I knew that you hadn’t died and it was all just a matter of time until I found you. So I’ve been feeding him snippets of information about your sightings. I’ve been the very dedicated boyfriend who’s had to search for his beloved; obviously I told him what I knew. The look on his face was priceless. He paid me off once, next time it’ll be even better when I produce you to him. If he doesn’t pay up then off we go to the papers!”

           “It's not going to happen.”

           “What isn't going to happen?”

           It was almost as if a light had been switched on and she could finally see him and his thoughts clearly. She could see exactly why he was here. She was NOT going to be taken from here, from her safe place, from her business, from the best friend she had ever had in Mrs Murray and her girlfriend, Harry. Calling her ‘her girlfriend’ still gave her goose bumps. She finally had something to fight for. This was new to Alice. She had never wanted to be where she was, she had never been desperate to stay, to be left where she was. This time was different.

           “You are not taking me anywhere. I will NOT go with you.”

           He laughed, “You think you would have a choice?”

           She remembered how strong he was all those years ago, and he looked nothing if stronger and more determined. Even partially in the shadows she knew he was more of a physical threat, more able to make her do what he wanted. She was scared, terrified, but she wasn't going to let him know that. She knew that she had to get away from him now. Although he knew where she was and that meant he would get her eventually. She would have time to talk to Matt and get some help. She just needed to survive long enough to do that. She took a deep breath and moved determinedly to her car,

           “I am going now. I don't expect to ever see you again.”

           As she started to get into her car he started to move towards her menacingly. He got there before she had managed to get into the drivers seat and close the door.

           “I don't even get a goodbye kiss?”

           “Goodbye.”

           He was between her and the door; she was sat on the seat desperately wanting to go, to get away from here and him.

           He pulled her out of the car by her arm and threw her to the floor. She was racked with fear. She suddenly wasn't Alice at that moment; she was Laura, terrified, alone and without hope. He was standing over her, she glanced up to see that he was enjoying this, he loved power and she had just given him the power over her. He was winning. She couldn't let that happen. She wouldn't let that happen. She felt the fight rising in her again. She screamed loudly hoping that Harry had called someone for help and someone would be there soon, she had no idea how much time had passed, but she was sure that help should be with her by now, or really soon at the latest. The elements of doubt were creeping in, how could she be like this? Ready to fight with all her might one moment, then terrified the next?  What if Harry hadn’t heard the phone and no help was coming? How long could she survive against him?

           Harry was pacing around her front room, as she limped around the room she had her phone pressed to her ear. She had heard Alice's call; she was now listening to everything that was happening to her, listening to everything that was being said. It was ripping her apart, she wanted to be there to rip this son of a bitch apart, but she was trapped here. She was alone. Mrs Murray had gone home earlier as she had plans with some of the other women of the village and there was no way that Harry could get hold of her. She had called Matt using her land line phone hoping that he could hear enough from the other phone to make out what was going on. 

           Matt was on his way to Alice in his police car. He had the sirens flashing whilst listening to everything that Harry was repeating to him.  He was listening to Harry telling him that this monster was now beating Alice, that he was telling her that she was “going to get everything that she had been missing” that “she owed him for years of him having to have gone without”. He rushed to get there before things were too late.  He had called through to the town cops to get them over to help. He knew he would need some kind of back up on this case.

           “You fucking bitch!” Alice’s attacker screamed at she dragged her nails across his face leaving it bleeding.

           She struggled whilst he sat on her, hitting her in the ribs as often as he could. She knew where this was going; she had been in this position with him before. The memories came flooding back. Back then she had learnt that it was just easier on her and wound him up far more if she just lie there letting him do whatever he wanted to her. She wasn't prepared to do that tonight. She knew he would get far more pleasure from her fighting back, but she didn't want anything to do with him and certainly didn't want to allow him to get his cock inside her. She had to keep reminding herself that he had never taken Alice, he had ripped Laura apart from the inside out, but he held no claim over Alice.  She would not let him either. No matter what it took.

           She kept wriggling; she couldn't lash out with her hands and nails any more as he had her wrists restrained above her head pressed hard against the ground which was so cold, hard and rough against her delicate hands. She screamed again. The sounds echoed around her. She wanted to be at Harry's side, she wanted to be snuggled on the sofa with her. She wanted to be anywhere but here. She certainly didn't want to feel this 'man' leaning on her trying to hold her wrists above her head with one hand whilst using the other one to explore what was under her skirt.

           Alice felt his hand, rough, hard, and alien to her, but oh so familiar to Laura. The hand moved up and found her underwear. He roughly pulled them down. He removed his hand long enough to undo his own trousers.

           “Please don't do this” Alice begged.

           Lights flashed round the corner, flooding the scene with the bright lights from Matt's police car. The blue lights flashed, and the sirens sounded so loud now, although Alice hadn't heard them approach. Matt quickly got out of the car and took in the scene instantly.

           It was over so quickly. By the time that Matt had pulled him off Alice his backup had arrived to help. They arrested him and took him off to the town station. Matt put his hands around Alice. After he had checked that she was OK and that he had indeed interrupted what he knew was going to happen his voice changed back to being more formal, more official.

           “I will need a statement, but I think it's best we get you somewhere away from here. Shall I take you to Harry?”

           Alice did all she could and nodded, she needed his help to unfold her arms which were wrapped tightly around her and to get up off the floor. He lifted her gently into the back of his police car, constantly talking to her, reassuring her and promising her he would get her to Harry as quickly as he could. He kept promising her that she was safe now. As he put her carefully into the police car he had taken off his thick coat and placed it over her as she was shivering so violently. He knew that it was only a matter of time until the shock kicked in and took over. He called through on his radio asking the new village doctor to meet him at Harry's ready to help and to check her over. He also had asked for a couple of the other police officers to be stationed with Harry just to keep her as calm as possible. 

           Alice sat watching the familiar scenery pass by the windows trying to keep herself together. She couldn't let him win and break her now. She had come through everything as Laura; she would come through this minor skirmish in comparison as Alice. She just had to get herself through this part. The journey which normally flew by seemed to take hours. She kept replaying the events of the evening in her mind, seeing him again and again and hearing his voice.

           “Alice?... Alice?” Matt's voice was cutting through the fog of shock, “Alice, we are nearly there, you are safe. He can't hurt you now.”

           She tried to answer him, but the words just wouldn't come. She just nodded.

           A little while later she felt the car slow down and come to a stop.

           “Alice we are here. Harry is just at the door. Can you walk in?”

           “I think so” she managed, but he wasn't convinced.

           “OK, let me come round to help you out.” He walked round the back of the car and opened the door. He offered her his hand which she gratefully took. As he helped her out of the car he felt her sway and braced himself to catch her. There was no need, she steadied herself and walked straight into Harry's open front door.

           Harry was so pleased to see her she did no more than through her arms around her and whisper in her ear, “Alice, I heard everything. Oh my god babe, are you OK?”

           The love in Harry's voice was such a stark contrast to the rough gravelly accusing tone of his that she broke down and sobbed. Harry and Matt helped her through to the front room so that she could be on the sofa.

           Harry sat on the large comfortable black leather sofa with Alice pulled in close to her. Alice held onto Harry’s jumper as tightly as she could, refusing to let go as Dr Waite tried to examine her. He needed to get as many photos as he could and as much evidence as they could in the hope that Alice would be pressing charges, although they had plenty from the phone call and from what Matt had witnessed. Alice refused to sit up; she refused to take her face out of Harry's breast where she was sobbing.

           As Harry talked to her, stroking her head she slowly started to calm down. She realised that the sooner she spoke to the doctor and to Matt then the sooner she could shower and be alone with Harry, which she wanted more than anything. She just wanted to be allowed to be.

           The doctor took photographs of her face, her wrists, her knees and other areas on her torso where he had hit and kicked her. The bruises were obvious to anyone. Harry couldn't stop the tears streaming down her face as she saw the damage that bastard had done to her. She had never seen Alice so fragile and upset and it scared her. She wanted to make it all better, but knew that she couldn’t as quickly as she wanted to.

           Eventually all the questions and examinations had been completed and the two girls were left alone for the first time in what felt like ages. So much had happened to both of them, so much had changed. Neither of them knew what to expect, both felt unsure around each other, not knowing whether they were OK or whether they should be talking about things which might upset,  but they both just needed to feel the one they loved next to them that night.

           The stress and the exhaustion of the day caught up with them both. Alice spent a long time in a hot shower trying to get rid of the smell of him and the feeling of being dirty; she just wanted to wash the whole experience off her. It took a while, lots of scrubbing and she still didn't feel clean, but she had used up all the hot water. The heat and water had, at least washed away the tear stains. She had cried herself out and felt more than exhausted. Just standing was taking all the energy and strength that she had left inside her.

           As she left the bathroom she walked towards the front room. Harry met her as she was coming out of the kitchen. Alice hadn't realised how long she had been gone for, but found that Harry had ordered pizza which had was waiting for her. She really didn't feel hungry, but Harry insisted that she eat something. She tried eating a piece, not really tasting it, but she managed with the aid of the bottle of wine Harry had opened and poured ready for her. The wine was far easier to consume than the pizza and the bottle was soon drained by them, as was the second.

           That night Harry didn’t want Alice to be alone, she wanted to have her with her but didn’t want to upset or offend her so she offered her the guest bedroom suite. Alice didn’t want to be anywhere on her own so she took Harry’s hand and led her to the master suite instead. She just wanted to be with Harry, to feel her protective arms around her, keeping the nightmares at bay. The silk and satin bedclothes of Harry’s four poster bed felt wonderful and luxurious on her skin. She could easily fall asleep here in this position on any other night, but not tonight. There was no way that she could sleep no matter how exhausted she was.

           As Harry lay stroking Alice's hair after she finally fell asleep, she wanted to take away all the pain which Alice was obviously reliving in her dreams, she was tossing and turning so much. Soon the screams started. Harry just held her tighter. She whispered in her ear “It's OK, I'm here. You're safe” and she wiped away the tears which fell as her body shook with fear and emotion.

           Chapter Twenty Two

           The night passed and as the daylight broke through the clouds neither Harry nor Alice moved, they were so tightly wrapped in each others arms that neither of them had noticed the hands on the bedside clock moving round.

           Harry pulled herself out of the bed and went for a shower. She had to move. She had been feeling more and more guilty about her desires which were betraying her. As hard as she was trying she couldn't help but imagine what she would like to be doing to Alice as she lay next to her. She wanted to allow her hand which rested on her stomach to move upwards, to feel the silky softness of her skin. She wanted to cradle her breasts in her hands, she wanted to press herself to Alice's back and leave her with no doubt about how much she wanted to take her, to make her hers yet again.  She had had to walk away before she did something stupid. Now really wouldn't be the right time at all. She had to continue to be strong and deprive herself of the drug she was craving.

           As she came out of the bathroom she was surprised to smell coffee. She walked into the kitchen wrapped in nothing but a towel. Alice had made breakfast; it seemed like any other morning with the comfortable routine already established.

           Harry was not expecting her to be awake, let alone dressed in jeans and a button through shirt which she had left here just in case she had ever needed a change of clothes.

           “Erm, Alice? Are you OK?”

           Alice hadn't heard Harry come into the kitchen and she span around to answer her, “Morning Harry, I thought you might need a coffee?”

           “I always need a coffee in the morning, you know that!” Harry laughed, trying to ease the tension which was electric in the air. She sat down at the table, wrapped her hands around the mug and started drinking.

           Neither of them spoke for a while, not knowing what to say. Neither of them wanted to bring up the events of yesterday and Alice was embarrassed about her nightmares last night. Although Harry hadn't said anything about them, she knew that it would have been impossible for her to have not noticed as she had woken herself up screaming and crying. She felt guilty. Harry shouldn't have to go through this with her too.

           “I'm going to call a cab and head off to the shop.”

           Harry looked shocked, “Alice, I really don't think that's a good idea. I really think you should stay here and rest. You've been through a lot.”

           “I won't stay here and hide out Harry. I have a business to run. Besides Matt said that he wouldn't be a problem as he had enough evidence to put him inside for a really long time.”

           “I know love, but what about the bruises? You are going to have so many questions to answer.”

           “I'll think of something. Keeping busy will help, I have to go. I have to do this now or I might never do it again. I won't let him win.”

           Harry knew she couldn't win this, “OK, I give in. If you go then I'll come with you.” She looked smugly.

           “You don't need to do that, I know you have other things to do.”

           “I know I don't need to. Maybe I want to. Maybe I don't want to leave your side...”

           Harry smiled. There was no way that she was going to be leaving Alice today and hopefully she never would. She couldn't bear the thought of her having to return to the back of the shop today on her own, she knew that it wouldn't be easy for her. She also knew that the villagers would want all the information and so would be desperate for her to tell her story.

           Alice knew that there was no way that Harry was going to back off her today and so gave in as gracefully as she could,

           “Oh all right then, I give in. You can come with me, although I think that you are over reacting, Mrs Murray will be there, it’s one of her days to help out. Pension discount day don’t you know?” She smiled.

           Right on queue Harry's phone rang. Alice couldn't help but listen in to what was being said.

           “Hiya... Yes, she's OK. She stayed here last night.... Yup, planning on going in today.... I know, that's what I said, but you know how stubborn she can be....You are? Great I will be there too...OK see you in a little while. Bye”

           “Mrs Murray huh?”
 “Yup” Harry gave Alice a direct smile, “She thinks you're mad for going in today.”

           “I thought she might.”

           They got ready and left with Harry driving. As they got nearer the shop Harry kept asking Alice if she was OK.  Alice knew that she was going to be like this, that she was going to be suffocating, but she also knew it was only because she cared. In an odd way it actually felt nice to be protected like this. She thought that she could get used to it.

           As they drove around the back of the shop to the parking space they could both see Alice's car. She felt her chest tighten and although she knew it was safe, she couldn't help the fear creeping back.

           Harry looked over and saw the colour drain from Alice's face; she saw her sit up straighter and tense up. She saw the fear on her face. She placed her hand on Alice's hand which was gripping the edge of the seat.

           “Are you sure you want to do this?” The concern was etched in the tone of Harry's voice,

           “No. But I'm going to. I'd rather do it now than leave it. It would be harder.”

           “OK, but if you change your mind then let me know... please?”

           Alice nodded. Harry parked the car and they got out and they started walking towards the shop door. Alice couldn't help but keep looking around, searching the shadows for shapes which shouldn't be there, searching for him. She didn't find him.

           They made their way into the shop and by the time that Harry had put the coffee machine on Mrs Murray had knocked at the back door to be let in.

           She was at least tactful, not mentioning the large bruise on Alice's left eye or the ones on her wrists and lower arms. She didn't ask about what happened; only pausing to ask,

           “Alice, I'm not going to talk about it, just tell me that you are OK?”

           “Thank you Mrs Murray, I will be.”

           “OK, that will do for now.” She turned towards Harry. “Right, what I suggest is this. How is your ankle and wrist?”

           “Not too bad actually, pretty good. Why what's the plan?”

           “I don't know what you mean?” She laughed, “I thought that if Alice took a back seat today then we could deal with all the customers whilst she could stay in the back creating her magic.”

           “I'm fine to be on the shop floor.”

           “Yes dear, I know. But this way will be best, trust me. Besides my skills aren’t up to it, and having seen Harry’s attempts at even a basic sandwich I think you’d better be cooking! We all know that it’s going to be the busiest day you’ve ever had in here so let’s just do it together.”

           “Why?”

           “Alice dear, I don't mean to be rude, but think about it. Everyone will want to come and check up on you, not to be nasty but it’s true. Besides you look awful. You really should be in the back for a couple of days, let the bruises and the gossip die down a bit.”

           Alice shrank back into her chair. Harry put her hands around her and hugged her.

           “It will be OK. Really.” Harry looked into Alice's eyes as she reassured her.

           Alice looked bleakly into her eyes and tried a weak smile.

           Mrs Murray went through and opened the shop, she welcomed in the first customers who walked the length of the shop chatting to the respected lady whilst also trying to find out about what had happened the night before. All they knew was that there had been a lot of police cars around, that something had happened to Alice and that Matt was refusing to say anything about it all.

           The day passed with Harry and Mrs Murray fielding as many questions as they could and with Alice making chocolates and experimenting in the back. She was glad that Harry and Mrs Murray had taken control today. She was glad she had come into the shop today, but so relieved that the questions were only being asked about her and not to her. She was relieved when Mrs Murray announced that it was past five o'clock and that they were about to shut the shop. Although she was pleased that the day had gone well, she was dreading walking out of the back and into her car. She couldn't see any reason for not taking her car, although she could just stay here tonight.

           “Thank you Mrs Murray, thanks Harry.”

           “No problem, I had fun” Harry said genuinely.

           “Right, see you both tomorrow.” Mrs Murray said as she picked up her bag after putting on her coat.

           “Hang on Mrs Murray, we'll give you a lift home. Is that OK with you Alice?”

           “I thought I might stay here tonight.” Alice tried to sound positive.

           “Oh.” The disappointment in Harry's voice was obvious. “Maybe I could stay with you?” She sounded hopeful.

           Alice was worried; she still hadn't shown Harry her flat. She wasn't sure she wanted to tonight.

           “It's OK” Mrs Murray's reassuring voice came from behind her. “You need some clean clothes anyway, so you might as well go and get them now. We'll come with you.”

           She had mistaken Alice's hesitancy for fear of her going upstairs alone, rather than of embarrassment at showing her meagre possessions. She had no choice.

           She walked up the stairs slowly, being followed by Harry and Mrs Murray. She opened the door,

           “It's OK, I can go alone.”

           “We've come this far, let us help.” Mrs Murray was right behind her.

           She walked into her flat and immediately turned red as she heard the footsteps of Harry and Mrs Murray behind her.

           “Er, I'll just get some things.” Alice walked off into the other room to gather together some basics. She did it as quickly as she could. She couldn't hear the others talking, so either they weren't talking about her and what they saw or they were just being really quiet about it.

           Harry stood next to Mrs Murray and looked around at Alice's flat. They had no idea that it was this bad for her. On the wall opposite the door she had a really old, obviously broken sofa which was covered in what looked like a dust sheet as a throw. In the middle of the room was a coffee table which was covered in scratches and looked like it was on it's last legs. She had a very old TV in the corner stood on something like a desk from a classroom. There was a bookcase full of tattered old books and nothing else in this room. At the windows were curtains which looked handmade to fit. They were a masterpiece though, a patchwork design out of several other curtains. The floor was bare and the walls were basic magnolia which was chipped in many places. The whole place had a feeling of loneliness and sadness about it. Suddenly Harry understood why Alice had found her home so intimidating. She felt awful. 

           Harry followed the direction that Alice had walked and found her in her bedroom packing up underwear, jeans, jumpers and a couple of skirts. Most of what she owned by the looks of it. Alice jumped as she had felt Harry's hand on her shoulder. She had heard her coming, but still hadn't anticipated the touch.

           “You OK?” Harry knew that she would be feeling terrible about the lack of furniture and decoration. “Alice, I understand now. I am so sorry.”

           “It's OK. It's fine.”
 “Why didn't you say something?”

           “Say what? What would you expect me to say?”

           “I don't know, that was a stupid thing to say, I'm sorry.” She let her arm fall down lower and she moved in to hug Alice from behind. “Come on Alice, let's go. We have to get Mrs Murray home.”

           Alice turned to face Harry, “you still want me to come back to yours?”

           “Why wouldn't I?”

           “Well after you’ve seen all this?” She gestured around indicating the tiny broken single bed, the mismatched chest of drawers, wardrobe and bedside table.

           “Most definitely! I still want you more than ever, although I'm not sure that my house can match yours on minimalistic styling” she laughed. Alice laughed too and she took another breath of relief. She didn't want to make Alice feel stupid or inadequate as she wasn't. She was special and Harry wanted to hold on to her forever. She had done what she hadn't ever wanted to do again, she had fallen in love and that not only excited her, but it totally terrified her too.

           Chapter Twenty Three

           That night was magical. There truly were no more secrets between Alice and Harry. They gave Mrs Murray a lift home and went back to Harry's. As they opened the door Alice was overcome with the fantastic smell coming from the kitchen.

           “Is it OK to put this somewhere?”

           “Your bag? Definitely, you can put it in either the guest room or my room” she noticed something change in Alice's stance so quickly added, “whichever you feel more comfortable with. No pressure. No expectations. OK? I mean the other night was fucking amazing, but I don’t want to assume anything”

           “Thanks.” Alice went to put her bag in the guest room. “Is it OK for me to have a shower?”

           “Course it is. Why wouldn't it be?”

           “Don't know, just checking I s'pose.”

           “Alice, are you OK? Just you seem a little on edge?”

           “Yeah, just feels odd being here like this, with my stuff too. Just being silly.”

           Harry walked over to Alice and put her hand on her arm, “Don't be daft, not silly at all. Please just chill out. It’ll all be OK.”

           Alice smiled, “Thanks.”

           She went for a long hot shower. Harry's shower was so much nicer than the trickle which came out of her shower attachment over her bath at home. Although she had used it before, this was the first time that she was really able to take in her surroundings properly.  The whole room was amazing. It was larger than Alice's bedroom in the flat. It was tiled from floor to ceiling in pale tiles with a tiled floor. It was the most amazing wet room. Alice loved it. It was more of a sanctuary than her small bathroom and certainly big enough for two to have as much fun as they wanted.

           While Alice was in the shower Harry opened the bottle of Merlot she had bought earlier. She took the casserole out of the oven and stirred it. It smelled delicious. She was so glad that she had decided to take Mrs Murray's advice and cooked something which was easy but delicious. This would be perfect. Something warming, something tasty and something which wouldn't be too showy.

           The table was laid, the baked potatoes were ready and all she needed now was Alice. Harry could hear her moving around and even though she was being on her best behaviour and only doing dinner, she felt a tingle of excitement charge through her. The anticipation of knowing that Alice was currently naked after having been stood in her wet room covered in soapy bubbles was almost more than she could handle.

           Alice arrived interrupting Harry's daydream.

           “Something smells good”

           She turned to see Alice standing wrapped in her old, faded pink dressing gown with her pyjama trousers picking out from under it, her hair wrapped in a towel. To Harry she looked amazing.

           “Wine?” Harry asked, trying to distract herself from the feelings she had rising in her.

           “Please.” Alice took the glass and sipped it, aware that she was being watched as she did.

           Harry couldn't help herself; she turned the oven down and suggested that they took their wine into the front room. Alice went with her and sat on one of the large sofas. Harry did the same.  She started smiling, not something she did consciously.

           “What? What's so funny?”

           “Sorry, nothing. I wasn't meaning to smile like that. It's just...”

           “Just what?

           “Just... No it's silly”

           Alice wasn't used to Harry being shy; she normally said what she thought and 'bugger the consequences' as she had told Alice several times.

           “Well even if it is, you might as well tell me.” Alice felt herself relaxing more and more with each sip of her wine. She looked down and realised that she had already drained over half of her rather large glass.

           Harry blushed, “I was thinking about how happy I am. That you are here, that this seems almost perfect.”

           It was Alice's turn to blush. She did, deeply. “It's lovely to be here.” She said genuinely.

           Harry had drained her glass,

           “Food? Or more wine first?”

           “Would love more wine, but I have just realised how quickly this has hit me, so I think it should be food. If that's OK with you?”

           “Was thinking the same thing!”

           They went through to the kitchen.

           “It's nothing special”

           “It smells delicious. Thank you”

           Harry handed Alice a plate with a large baked potato with vegetable casserole.

           “You don't have to eat it if you don't want to, and I don't want you to feel you have to eat it all either.”

           They sat eating their food both of them minds wandering to other things. Harry could hardly keep her mind on eating. She was watching Alice and thinking of all the things she would like to do with and to her. Alice was trying to eat, but was still uncomfortable with her bruises from the night before and trying to keep the overwhelming feelings of fear, relief, terror and disappointment at bay. She was so tired.

           During dinner they made small talk, about the weather turning colder, about how much fun Harry had had today working in the shop and about Mrs Murray as well as how great the food was. Alice stopped and looked at Harry.

           “What is it you're thinking?”

           “Nothing much” Harry lied, “Why?”

           “You keep looking at me and smiling.” Alice grinned, “Just wondering why?”

           Harry didn't want to give everything away, “Ah, but I'm just happy to have you here”

           “You've said that tonight already.”

           “I know, but it's true. It just feels right.”

           “Yeah, it does.” Alice paused, “I'm sorry that I'm not better company.”

           “Don't know what you mean, you're great company.” Harry winked. “Little bit quiet, but that's not surprising and I can talk for both of us if you want?” She laughed.

           The wine had really started to have an effect on them both and the conversation was flowing far more easily.

           Once they had finished eating they moved back to the lounge and the comfortable sofas. Alice sat at the left edge and curled her legs up under her. Harry had bought the bottle in and topped up both glasses.

           “Music? Film or nothing?” Harry looked at Alice thinking that she would far rather take her into her bedroom and have her very wicked way with her. That dressing gown really needed to come off. She smiled again.

           “Don't mind. Although I might just fall asleep on you if you keep feeding me wine.”

           “Oh that won't be a problem.”

           Although Alice would have loved to have had Harry take her by the hand and lead her to bed on other nights, tonight it was about the last thing that she wanted, even though she was very aware that she was being flirted with. She decided that she was going to have to have that conversation, and sooner rather than later.

           “Harry, erm” she started, feeling herself blush. “I think it's only fair that I am completely honest with you.”

           “That sounds serious”

           “I think it is. Right now I'm just trying to get through each moment. I can't and won't ask you to wait for me; I don't know how long it's going to be.”

           Harry was shocked. She didn't realise that she had put so much pressure on her, she was devastated.

           “Alice, I'm so sorry. I wasn't pushing for anything. I can't tell you I don't want to, but I really don't want to push you into anything that you don't want.” She leant in to Alice wanting to just hug her. She pulled her towards her. She relaxed into the hug, which helped Harry to not feel quite so bad. “I can wait as long as you want.”

           Alice felt so relieved. She felt that she could relax far more now things were out in the open. She enjoyed the feeling of normality which was creeping over her. She loved the feeling of being with someone, although she wasn't used to that person not belittling her, not demanding sex from her or anything else. She knew that this was going to take an awful lot of time to get used to. She loved Harry being there, just being able to hug her when she wanted to, although there was a part of her who felt bad for using Harry like this.

           “Film then?” Harry interrupted her thoughts.

           “Yeah, why not.”

           “Fancy anything in particular?”

           “Nope, not really, you choose.”

           “But no horror, no romance? Right?” She laughed and Alice laughed too.

           They snuggled on the sofa watching a children's cartoon on DVD, “Something to lighten the mood” Harry had explained.

           It was the best time Alice had had for years. Good food, good wine, and just fun with someone she really cared about.

           As the evil monster in the film turned into the handsome prince when he was kissed by the princess Harry bent her head down to Alice and kissed her on her forehead. Her senses went mad. She wasn't used to having to control her emotions; she hadn't been in this situation for such a long time. The last time was with Lucy and she had had to betray her feelings for years. She knew how that had turned out. She didn't want to go there again.

           Alice looked up at Harry with her eyebrow raised, “Oh yeah?”

           “Oh come on, I'm being good. I have to be allowed to kiss you; surely that's not breaking any rules?” She smirked,

           “I s'pose not” Alice agreed.

           “So I can?”

           “Can what?”

           “Kiss you?”

           “I don't know why you would want to I’m all covered in bruises, but OK.”

           Harry turned Alice towards her more and leant down. She whispered in her ear, “I certainly don't know why anyone wouldn't want to kiss you. You are amazing, gorgeous, and fabulous and I think.....” Harry stopped abruptly.

           “You think what?”

           “Nothing, it's fine. Ignore me.”

           “Come on, you can tell me.”

           “Ok, but promise not to laugh.”

           “Laugh? Me?” she giggled, then seeing the look on Harry's face she stopped, “OK I promise, this is serious isn't it?”

           “I think so.” She paused, “I think... I think I love you.”

           Alice wasn't expecting this. She hadn't even thought that this might be what Harry was thinking. She didn't quite know how to respond, she didn't want to leave her hanging though,

           “Wow, you think you love me?” she teased.

           “Thanks, I put my heart out there and you trample on it. Cheers babe.”

           “Well, it's just that I know that I love you.”

           “You do?”

           “You didn't know? That night you went missing was the worst of my life. I was so scared. I knew then how I felt about you. I knew it would never be the same and that it was more than just occasional snogging with the hope of far more.” She smiled.

           Harry couldn't leave it there, she pulled Alice towards her so she was now nearly on top of her. She put Alice's face in her hands and kissed her hard and deeply. The kiss was so full of passion from both of them that it should have taken them both by surprise.

           Alice could feel the feelings swelling inside her. She felt stupid. She had already told Harry that she didn't want to go any further, and yet her body was betraying her.  Head or heart, which was going to win. She decided to let things take whatever course they might do.

           Harry looked down at Alice wondering what she was thinking, “Alice, you OK with this?”

           Alice nodded shyly.

           “You sure? You tell me to stop and I will. I promise.”

           Alice believed her. She shivered, neither of them had realised how cold it had got in the room. She looked at Harry, “time for bed?”

           Harry nodded, “Yeah I suppose so, although I was rather enjoying myself.” She was disappointed. She thought that this was it. That they would be going to separate bedrooms. She walked Alice to the guest room holding her hand. She paused outside the door, “Night then babe sleep tight” She pulled her tight and gave her another kiss.

           “I was wondering, maybe I could come with you tonight?”

           Harry was blown away, “Course you can, you don't need to ask. I'd love to have you in bed with me.” She didn't know if she could control herself. She was desperate to explore Alice's body once again. One night without feeling every part of her had been more than she ever wanted.  This wasn't going to be easy, but she had to keep her hands to herself.

           They walked hand in hand to Harry's beautiful room. Alice sat on Harry's large bed feeling excited but scared. She still didn't want to think about what might happen as she knew that she would back out given the opportunity to do so, the pain from last night still too raw, as were her memories. But they weren’t her memories, they were Laura’s. She had to keep that in her head. The only thing that had happened to Alice was last night; everything else happened to Laura. She had to keep that distinction or she would crumble and never recover.

           She snuggled down under the warm silk and satin covered duvet. Harry lay next to her, obviously trying not to do anything which would upset her. She moved closer. She moved so that she could kiss Harry.

           As their passionate kiss became more intense she felt Harry's hand moving under her pyjama top. She froze instinctively.

           “Oh god, I'm so sorry.” Harry moved her hand like it had caught by an electric shock.

           “Don't be. It's more than OK.”

           Harry was confused, “but I thought that you didn't want this?”

           “I didn't.”

           “So what's changed?”

           “I don't know, but I want you and I want you now. I want to feel your hands over me.” She blushed.

           “Well that can easily be arranged.” That smile was amazing; it did fantastic things to Alice who pressed herself against Harry with increasing urgency. Harry stopped, “As long as you are sure? I mean it, I want you to make sure you tell me if at any point you don't feel comfortable and you want to stop. Promise?”

           “Promise. Now will you please shut up and kiss me?” Although truth be told she loved that Harry was being so protective of her.

           Harry pushed Alice over so she was on her back, leant over her and kissed her hard, but gently. She knew that Alice was still sore from her attack and didn't want to hurt her at all. She lay down next to her allowing her fingers to trace the lines from her cheek, down the side of her neck, down between her breasts and flowing downwards. She heard Alice's breathing change. She felt her press herself upwards as her fingers were doing all the work. Harry smiled, she still didn't want to allow herself to truly believe in case Alice stopped her; everything felt so different now that there were finally no secrets between them.

           She was taking things slowly. Everything in her, the burning deep inside her was screaming at her just to rip off Alice's clothes and to take her right there, right then. The desperate need she had was growing.

           Alice looked into Harry's eyes. She moved her hand inside Harry's top, resting it on her stomach. She wanted to let her fingers explore Harry further. As she gazed into Harry’s eyes, Alice saw nothing but love and desire. She took a deep breath,

           “Are you OK Alice? Did I hurt you?”

           “Stop panicking. Course not.”

           “Just you breathed strangely.”

           “I’m fine....”

           Their passion became totally unbridled. They ripped off clothes and threw them all over the room. They were both naked with hands roaming all over each other. Harry wanted to check on Alice, but Alice wouldn't let her, not leaving her lips free enough for long enough. The longing inside her was getting more and more intense.

           Harry gently pushed Alice back down on the bed and let her fingers take in each part of her, she let her fingers roam over Alice's breasts, she cupped them, moving her nipples into her mouth. As her tongue circled the large, hard nipple she felt Alice arch her back towards her. Alice let out a moan as Harry flicked her nipple with her tongue whilst she held her other breast in her free right hand playing with that nipple too.

           Harry's full hand moved away from Alice's breast and moved downwards, it circled around her belly button and kept on going. Alice's desperation was screaming from inside her. She wanted to feel Harry's fingers inside her. The more Harry was teasing her the harder it was for her to control herself. She couldn't; she moaned loudly. Harry was being so gentle with her, so patient.

           Harry couldn't take it anymore, she was totally caught up in Alice's pleasure, and the sounds she was emitting were bringing Harry closer and closer to erupting herself. She allowed her fingers to go where they were itching to find. Alice let out the loudest groan of delight as she came hard. Harry wasn't stopping, Alice couldn't believe it. She had never had this level of enjoyment from any sexual experience ever. This was all new to her, no secrets to hide, no need to pretend anything anymore.

           As she was about to move, Harry kept her lying on her back, pressing her into the bed by kissing her. She didn't move her hands at all which kept busy as they bought her closer and closer to another orgasm.

           “This is all for you tonight” she whispered into Alice's ear. “I want to show you more of what it's like when you are truly loved.”

           Alice was really blown away by the feelings that she was experiencing at Harry's expert touch. She still found it amazing that she was being given pleasure when she had only ever been the one giving it to others. She was amazed at how wonderful it felt, how special she felt and how much she was feeling. This must be why people actually enjoyed sex. She never had done in the past; it had only been something which was expected of her, something she was expected to give.  Something for her to use, a tool to help her get the job done when she was older. Since her first time with Harry it didn't feel the same. It didn't feel seedy and dirty. It felt right.

           That night she slept soundly in Harry's arms completely satisfied in a way she had never felt before.

           Chapter Twenty Four

           As the sun rose, streaming through the windows Harry rolled over feeling for Alice. She was surprised when her lover wasn't lying next to her as she was expecting her to be. Harry was concerned wondering if it was something that she had done wrong last night.  Should she have given into her baser instincts? 'Shit, I know I shouldn't have done that.' She felt awful, she had pushed Alice into doing something that she had specifically said she didn't want to do. 'I'm no better than any of the men in her life who have treated her so badly.' Harry thought this was so much like what had happened with Lucy. She had given into her feelings, had one amazing night of passion fuelled sex and she had left. 'Please God, not Alice too.'  

           The negative thoughts wouldn't ease as she sat up in bed. She couldn't face being without Alice. She had admitted her feelings, she had given into her desires and now she was alone. Harry couldn't believe how far she had fallen for Alice. She really hadn't thought that this would ever be something that she let herself do again. Suddenly she realised quite how scared she was of all everything going wrong for her again. It wasn't just because of her being alone – it was because she didn't know if she was going to be able to be with Alice. It was her; she was totally under her spell. She really did love her.

           She stopped her train of thought. She was suddenly aware of the most amazing smells coming out of the kitchen. She listened. She could hear someone banging around in her cupboards. The relief washed over her in tidal waves. She was so excited. She knew that Alice was still here, there was no one else who sang as they cooked – not in the same way that Alice did. She loved the sound. It wasn't that Alice was necessarily the best singer, but she sang with such amazing passion and soul that it was infectious. It didn't matter what she sang. Right now she was singing some song which they had had playing the night before.

           With a renewed energy, full of love and desire Harry got up, threw on her dressing gown and went into the kitchen. There was no way that she could resist the sight of Alice busy with the cooker dressed in nothing but an oversized shirt which she must have found in Harry's wardrobe. Harry gently put her arms around her not wanting to startle her, especially as she was expertly handling hot baking trays and saucepans.  She couldn't help herself though and leant in to kiss Alice deeply on the neck. She was so thrilled as she felt Alice stiffen slightly, then melt into her, she obviously was enjoying this almost as much as she was and wanted her as much as Harry wanted Alice.

           Harry's arms wrapped tighter around Alice, pulling her back into her. She moved one of her hands so it went inside the shirt and cupped Alice's almost naked breast. The feel of the delicate sensual part of Alice sent shivers throughout her body. She felt Alice's nipple harden as she moved her fingers over it.

           “Oh hi sleepy head” The smile in her voice gave Alice's emotions away instantly. 

           “Oh hi yourself” Harry managed in between plying Alice with kisses. She turned her round and kissed her deeply and fully on the lips.

           Alice felt her knees begin to wobble as the electricity from Harry's touch migrated around her body; she had never been kissed or touched like this before and loved it! As much as she wanted to just take Alice over the kitchen table, right here, right now she knew that Alice would be slightly annoyed as it would mean literally throwing everything which had been so carefully set up on the floor. She knew that Alice rather enjoyed perfection with everything possible, so ruining that wouldn't be great, no matter how fabulous the sex. So Harry did what she thought would be the safer option, she took Alice by the hand and started leading her out of the kitchen and back towards the bedroom.

           “And where do you think that you are taking me?”

           “Well, I was going to take you back to bed and have my very wicked way with you.”

           “That sounds interesting” She said smiling, “But at least let me feed you first?”

           “Oh no, I don't think I can wait I'm afraid. I think that I need to satisfy another appetite first.”

           Alice laughed, “Hmm, I see....” She willingly let herself be led by Harry to the bedroom.

           This time was different. It was less urgent, although still so full of passion and desire that Alice was amazed. Harry was patient and allowed her just to slowly explore her body. She caught a look at the purple marks all over Alice and shivered.

           “Sorry” Alice mumbled, her mouth otherwise full, “Did I hurt you?”

           “No, why?”

           “You shivered.” Alice had pulled her mouth away and was leaning up on her elbows looking into Harry's eyes from lower in the bed.

           “Sorry. Definitely nothing you did love.” She stroked Alice's hair as she thought of the right way of explaining how she was feeling and what she meant.

           “So what?” Alice looked worried. “Did I do something wrong?”

           “You could never do anything wrong.” She looked at Alice, “I'm sorry I still can’t believe what he did to you. I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again; you do know that, don’t you?”

           Alice moved up the bed and kissed Harry, “You are so sweet.”

           With that Harry pushed Alice onto her back, lay on top of her and kissed her. She moved down Alice's body, hovering around her breasts, nipples and then moving down. She brushed the inside of her lover's thighs, lightly flicking with her tongue as she continued her journey upwards to be able to drink in the effects she was having on Alice who shook violently as she came, much to Harry's deep satisfaction.

           They continued being together during the rest of the week, spending as much time possible finding out more about each other or having the most mind blowing sex. They had been experimenting all week which had been absolutely amazing.

           Sunday morning was no different. After being woken up by feeling Alice’s hands all over her and having to respond Harry was on cloud nine. Several hours later they emerged having had the most amazing time satisfying each other. They had touched, tasted and explored never giving each other a minute without being touched or touching. It had been gentle, but frantic and passionate.

           After a long lazy breakfast they were in the middle of sharing a very hot shower when the phone rang.

           “You going to answer that?” Alice looked down to Harry, who was currently on her knees reaching parts of Alice that no one else had ever reached,

           “Nope, I'm kinda busy right now in case you hadn't noticed.”

           “Oh yeah, I'd definitely noticed” She came again. She really didn't realise that she could come as much as Harry had made her come in the last 24 hours. She was very grateful for the large wet room so she could lean right back against the wall before she collapsed to the floor in ecstasy. It wasn't possible to be this happy. It had to be a dream.

           The phone was almost continually ringing which broke through her thoughts and going by the way that Harry's rhythmic motion of her tongue had stopped it had penetrated her actions as well.

           “You really are going to have to get that, it sounds like someone wants you just as much as I do.”

           Harry stood up, kissed Alice and grabbed a towel on her way to get the phone,

           “Not nearly as much as I want you.” She called behind her.

           As she waited for Harry to return Alice allowed herself to totally relax in the hot water and the soapy bubbles she had created with the shampoo and shower gel. She caught a glimpse of herself in the full size mirror and winced. She hadn't seen the effects of the other night with him and now she wished she hadn't. How could Harry sleep with her when she was more purple and yellow than she was normal skin colour. This had to be a reminder every second to Harry about what had happened. She couldn't stand to look at herself. Could Harry only be sleeping with her out of pity? No, certainly not. Not with that level of passion and desire, the fleeting concern she felt washed away with the soap suds. She told herself to stop being so stupid, so paranoid and to allow herself to actually enjoy this feeling of actually being happy.

            After a while Alice turned off the shower and wrapped herself in another of Harry's extravagant large fluffy white towels and headed towards the bedroom to get dressed. It was obvious that this phone call was going to take longer than either of them had thought. So it wasn't just Mrs Murray phoning for the gossip then as Harry would have just told her that Alice was still here and they were 'otherwise engaged' or something. 

           For some reason, probably paranoia she thought, she had a really bad feeling about this phone call. Going by the side of the conversation that she could hear, she wasn't entirely wrong. It sounded as if Harry wasn’t overly happy and her hopes of a quiet and chilled out Sunday making love to Harry, walking on the beach and cooking was going up in a puff of smoke.

           As she pulled on her black jeans and jumper she didn't quite know what to do. She felt awkward. It sounded like this was a conversation Harry should be having on her own. She wondered whether she should just leave.

           Alice had decided not to go to church today, something rare for her, but with the bruises she didn't want to draw attention to herself. However going by the whispered comments she decided that it might be best if she left Harry to this phone call alone. Alice found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a note saying

           Gone to Church, be back later. Love you.

           She took the note and put it by the kettle in the kitchen and left Harry not knowing what she would find when she came back. She felt wrong leaving, but she felt wrong staying too.

           Chapter Twenty Five

           Alice walked into church feeling as if she stuck out like a sore thumb, with bruises and now having given herself so completely to Harry. She didn't know what the rest of the congregation or Rev Dene might think about it. Would she still be welcome?

           Unsurprisingly Mrs Murray was the first to greet her, patting the space in the pew beside her for Alice to sit at. Alice gratefully sat next to her friend, although wished that they weren't sitting quite so obviously in the first row after the intersection, somewhere that the rest of the congregation had to walk past no matter where they were planning on sitting.

           Mrs Murray leant in and whispered, “So, you look like you had a good night? How's Harry?”

           Alice blushed in spite of herself, “I did thank you, and yes Harry's fine.”

           “I'm surprised she let you out! I was sure you wouldn’t be here today; that you would be otherwise engaged” She smiled.

           Alice smiled, but ignored her as the service had started.

           When the service had ended Alice had helped to put away the orders of service and the hymn books with Mrs Murray. On the way out of the church they stopped to have a chat with Rev Dene who had been thrilled that Alice had made the service, having heard about 'the incident, nasty business'.

           Mrs Murray had told him about Alice being ‘an item’ with Harry earlier. She had been sure that he wouldn't have an issue with her sexuality. She had been right; he had genuinely seemed pleased for her and wished them all the best with their relationship.

           Alice and her friend started walking towards Alice's car. She felt like she was on cloud nine. She was more than happy. This was a feeling that she hadn't felt for as long as she could remember. Genuine happiness and being totally at peace with herself and accepted and loved by those around her.

           As they reached her the end of the path leading from the church to her car Alice felt Mrs Murray squeeze her arm, “I think she's waiting for you.”

           Alice looked up to see Harry leaning against the gate. Her stomach did a back flip as she realised how hard this would have been for Harry, to actually come here when she had no faith and felt that she would never be accepted. Although she had stopped believing in any form of a higher power after her parents died, but she also knew that Harry had said that she would always support this side of Alice's life as she understood how important it was to her.

           Harry didn't look right. She looked concerned.

           “Good morning Harry.”

           “Morning Mrs Murray. How are you? Good service?”

           “I'm fine thank you. Yes it was a lovely service.”  She looked at Harry and saw straight away that there was something going on and that the couple needed to talk. “Well, I should leave you two alone and get home.”

           Harry didn't want to cause any more issues, she looked at Alice, “What do you say to us all going back to mine and eating that delicious looking breakfast you made this morning? You made enough to feed an army.” She laughed, although it sounded more hollow than her laughter had this morning when it was full, deep and loud.

           “Oh no, I wouldn't like to be a nuisance, or in the way. I'm sure you two have things to be doing without me tagging along.” She winked at Alice,

           “Mrs Murray, you know that you are always welcome. You aren't a nuisance at all. Harry is right, there is more than enough.”

           “No seriously, thank you both very much for the kind offer, but I do actually have other plans.”

           “Oh yes?” Alice looked surprised,

           “Yes,” Mrs Murray had a wicked grin on her face. “I have a lunch date with an old friend, and at this rate I'm going to be late.”

           Harry and Alice knew that Mrs Murray wouldn't tell them who and so they left it. They weren't overly surprised when she refused the lift that they had offered either. Mrs Murray kept them smiling, she seemed to live and thrive on gossip, but she was probably the most private person that either of them had ever met!

           Alice and Harry decided to leave Alice's car here, after all it would be safe here; no one would touch it in the church car park, and walk home. It was cold, but the sun was shining and it was obvious that they needed to talk, which might be easier on neutral territory as it were.

           “So, you got my note then?” Alice said, deciding to break the silence and get this over and done with. Her curiosity was getting out of control and she needed to know what was going on.

           “Yep, sorry I was on the phone for so long.”

           “That's OK, outside things tend to get in the way when you least want them to!”

           “They really do.”

           “Do you want to talk about it? Whatever happened has obviously bothered you.”

           “Honestly? No, I don't want to. I honestly want to forget that the phone had ever rung and pretend that I had stayed in the shower with you, ruining your perfect attendance record at church.” She smiled, teasing Alice was so easy.

           Alice turned to face Harry, “Well I wish that too, but you might as well tell me. I'll find out eventually anyway and we did say no more secrets.”

           “Yeah I know. It's not a secret as such, but it wasn't a great phone call.”

           “Talk? It'll help, but if you don't want to, maybe I can find a way to distract you?” She grinned.

           “Oh yeah, in the middle of the village? What would you do to distract me?”

           “Well that's easy. I'd start by this” Alice grabbed Harry's hand in hers. With her thumb she gently moved it around Harry's hand, up and down her fingers suggestively

           “That's good for starters...”

           “Then I'd do this,” She stopped walking and pulled Harry round to face her. She pulled her close to her and kissed her deeply.

           “In the middle of the village?” Harry said when Alice released her, “Are you sure?”

           “Oh yes, very sure. Surer than I have been of anything in my life before.”

           Harry let her arms wrap around Alice and they stood in the middle of the village green kissing each other deeply and passionately.

           “Well that's it then. You have officially outed us. Do you think the village will cope?” Harry was properly laughing now.

           “With my chocolate as bribes? I would imagine so.”

           The laughter flowed deeply and fully now between them, this was better; the tension had been broken and lost. They walked back along the country lanes hand in hand, laughing and talking about things that didn't really matter as well as speculating on Mrs Murray's secret date all the way back to Harry's where they wanted to just spend the day together as a couple. Alice loved the normality of it all, the way that they ate breakfast; they drank coffee, watched whatever on TV, and just snuggled up together. It was the closet to heaven that she had ever known.  She was looking forward to spending the rest of her life like this.

           As they got to the bottom gate Harry stopped and stared with her mouth open, “shit, what the fuck is she doing here?”

           Alice looked up and saw a stunningly beautiful woman dressed in a very expensive looking suit standing by her dark BMW, very obviously waiting for Harry. 'Who is that? Bloody hell she is beautiful, that suit is amazing' Alice thought. She looked at Harry who looked scared of what was coming. 'Why would this woman scare her?' thought Alice.

           Harry looked at Alice, she squeezed her hand, “Alice, this isn't going to be pleasant. I'm really sorry, if I'd known she was going to turn up here then I would have warned you. I promise to fill you in on all the details later, but right now can you just...”

           “Leave?”

           “Oh god no. Please don't leave me. I need you with me. I don't want to do this alone. With you I know I don't need to.”

           They had reached the end of the path now and there was no more time for explanations. Alice had no idea what was about to happen, but she was concerned by what Harry had said.

           “Lucy? What are you doing here? I thought I said I would meet you in town next week?”

           The name was like a hot poker to Alice. She knew this name. She knew how much pain this bit of skirt had caused her precious Harry. She suddenly understood why it was important that she was there. Not only as window dressing for Harry's perfect life, but because Harry needed the love and support that only she could offer.

           “Darling, it was so lovely to talk to you this morning that I thought I would make it all official as soon as possible. Besides, I've missed you, it's been too long.”

           “Whose fault is that?” Harry sneered.

           “Lucy? It's lovely to meet you. I'm Alice.” She interjected, giving Harry time to recover and regain her self control. “Why don't you come in, it's freezing out here and I could do with a coffee.”

           Harry was taken aback by Alice being so polite, so in control and so welcoming to someone who she knew had caused her so much pain in the past. Harry knew that Alice didn’t have the full facts, there hadn’t seemed to be the urgency to explain. Harry was sure that Lucy wouldn’t just turn up; that the meeting she had reluctantly agreed to would be OK, that she would have time to explain to Alice at a time when she was ready to. She hadn’t been ready today, she had wanted to put it to the back of her mind and spend the day doing so many other things, to have a good day with Alice. She was so glad that she had asked her to stay. She was amazingly glad that she was in her life. She would never let anything come between them, and now Lucy was here. It was too much. She couldn’t ask of Alice what she knew she would have to.

           Chapter Twenty Six

           They went into the house and walked straight into the kitchen. It had been a very deliberate act of Alice's to bring everyone into the kitchen, she knew that the table was still laid exquisitely, including roses, for two which would reaffirm that Harry and Alice were a couple, without either of them having to say anything which might have seen tacky or defensive. Neither of them wanted that. They needed to stay in control of this situation. There were too many emotions running at full charge for anything else.  She may not have known what it was that Lucy wanted, but she knew that whatever it was had rattled Harry. Alice was sure that she wouldn’t let this jumped up bitch ruin what she had with Harry. She would be polite, she would be gracious and courteous, but she wouldn’t let Lucy mess with Harry.

           Alice poured coffee and plated up some of the croissants she had hand made this morning. She didn’t want to share these with Lucy, but it seemed right that she was being as wonderful as possible. She needed to know what this was all about, but she also knew that she wouldn’t find out until something happened, she prepared herself for the unpleasantness which she knew was going to happen. It couldn’t not with Harry being so angry, defensive and still carrying the pain which had been unresolved for so long. It was going to be a long day, she was sure of that.

           Harry and Lucy moved to the study, which surprised Alice. It wasn’t often that Harry allowed people into her ‘inner sanctum’ of where she worked, unless it was someone there due to work – which was almost never as Harry didn’t like letting people into her home, she always preferred to hold business meetings in the offices in London.

           She carried in the tray of coffee, croissants and obviously chocolates. She didn’t want to intrude on whatever was going on in the study, but she also was desperate to not leave Harry alone with Lucy as she wanted everything to remain as civil as possible.

           “Coffee? Croissants? Chocolate?” She asked as merrily as she could muster when she set the tray down. It hadn’t helped that the conversation had suddenly stopped when she walked in. This wasn’t good. The tension was worse than it had been outside.

           “Thanks babe.” Harry smiled gratefully at Alice, taking the mug which she was being handed.

           “Lucy? Can I get you something?”

           “Coffee would be lovely thanks, but no sugar as I’m sweet enough already.” She laughed. No one else did.

            Alice decided to press on and get her out of the house as soon as possible, for Harry’s sake. She looked like she was about to explode.

           “So Lucy, what can we do for you?”

           “Harry knows why I’m here and what I need.”

           “Alice, Lucy has managed to get her husband to buy her my publishing company. She has taken over full editorial rights and is here to collect my manuscript.”

           Alice knew that Harry had been working hard whilst she had been laid up and that she had finished her manuscript, but why would Lucy want to buy the company? Why wouldn’t she wait until the meeting for it all to be finalised and sorted out? Why come here? What was the rush? This just caused more questions than it answered. She looked at Harry questioningly, hoping that she would explain more.

           “Harry, you don’t need to say it with such hate darling. I’m doing you the favour here.”

           “You what? What fucking planet are you on? How can you possibly think that you are doing anything to help me?” Harry practically spat out the words. “Why don’t you cut the crap and tell me exactly what it is that you want. You don’t want anything to do with my book, you never did, so what is it? Why the company who publishes my work? Why me? There are hundreds of other publishing companies, so why this one?”

           “Oh come on Harry, don’t be so melodramatic. I needed something to keep me busy and this seemed perfect, that’s all.” She didn’t let Harry’s emotional outburst ruffle her feathers at all, in fact if anything she seemed to be getting a kick out of seeing her start to fall apart. Manipulation, the first key to business as far as Lucy had learnt. This would be easy. She would have Harry exactly where she wanted her – in her bed – soon.

           “Oh so you’re married?” Alice tried hard to sound interested.

           “Yes, have been for quite some years now.”

           “Children?”

           “Good god no. Couldn’t stand that.” She visibly shuddered at the thought of children.

           “Didn’t your husband mind?”

           “Oh she would have had more problems from her Mother! How are your parents Lucy?”

           “Very well thank you. They send their regards.”

           “I bet they do. So you are here for my manuscript?”

           “Obviously darling! What else would I want?” She winked at Harry.

           Harry reached for her precious manuscript. She really didn’t trust Lucy at all. “I don’t know why you thought you had to come here to get it. The meeting on Wednesday would have been quite fine.”

           “Oh but darling, I wanted to see you and to reassure you that nothing will change as far as your contract is concerned. We will honour the same terms as you had previously negotiated, although we will have to get our editors to go over what you have submitted. Mind you, I have been following your writing and as long as it’s better than some of the drivel you have put your name to in the rags then it should be fine. We will know more by the meeting on Wednesday.”

           “Drivel?”  Alice was automatically defensive of her lovers writing. She hadn’t read anything she thought of as drivel. She also knew that Harry was proud of everything that was published, if she hadn’t thought it was OK then she would never had allowed it to be published in the first place. She was more than a perfectionist when it came to her craft.

           “Alice, it’s OK. She’s allowed to have her opinion.”

           Lucy continued “Although why you had to move out here to this godforsaken place is beyond me. You used to always love being around the clubs. I’m surprised you haven’t died of boredom yet.”

           “Well don’t let the door hit you on the way out, make sure you don’t get lost on your way home.”

           Alice hadn’t heard Harry talking like this before, it wasn’t something that she liked. She found it hard to say anything negative or nasty to anyone. She had learnt that pain heals quicker when you just let things go and not hold grudges.

           Harry stood up indicating the meeting was over. “Let me show you out.” She passed the manuscript over to Lucy, who was right behind her,

           “Thank you so much for the coffee and the croissants Alice. So quaint that you make your own, we normally buy them in. The chocolates were lovely. Have you thought about proper marketing and getting out into the proper world with them at all?”

           “Actually I’m more than happy where I am thank you all the same.”

           Alice was more than relieved when she heard the door shut and Harry call out “It’s OK the bitch has gone.”

           Harry wrapped her arms around Alice, needing to feel her close as much as Alice needed to feel Harry with her.

           “You OK?” Alice gently asked

           “I am now. Sorry about that.”

           Alice turned to face Harry, “You have no need to be sorry, I'm just glad that you are all right.”

           “I will be” Harry kissed Alice with longing,

           “I do just have a question...”

           “Just the one?”

           “Oh no, I have many” Alice laughed, “but one for now.”

           “Go on then, hit me with it.”

           “I just wanted to know what it is that you saw in her” she laughed.

           Harry looked at Alice and laughed, “I have no idea anymore.”

           The pair collapsed into each other with their laughter. They spent the rest of the day in bed, ignoring the world around them until it was dark and they had desires of another nature,

           “Pub?” Harry asked Alice answering the grumbles of her stomach.

           “Or I could rustle something up here?”

           “I thought I should give you a break, don't want you to be suffering with exhaustion now do I?” Harry laughed.

           They got dressed and wandered into the village to get something to eat in the pub. It was the first time they had been out together since they had made love to each other. It made it far more special.

           As they walked into the pub they met up with Mrs Murray and her secret date. She was sitting at a table near the open fire with Mr Bradley who ran the grocers shop. The girls were so surprised, they didn't want to bother them, but Mrs Murray had waved them over to their table.

           Alice walked over, never having seen the pub so busy before – especially on a Sunday night – as she left Harry to go to the bar and get drinks for all four of them and ask if they were in time for diner.

           Harry moved towards the table carrying a tray of drinks and set them down on the table. It was obvious that Mrs Murray and Mr Bradley were happy. It was lovely to see her talking so animatedly and him listening so avidly.

           “Harry, this is Tom, Tom, this is Harry.”

           “Good evening Tom”

           “Evenin' Harry.”

           She sat opposite Alice on the same table with Mrs Murray and Tom, enjoying the friendly banter and the warmth from the fire. “Mrs Murray I hate to interrupt, but have you two eaten?”

           “Actually no we haven't. What is the time dear?”

           “It's nearly nine Mrs Murray, if you want to order here then you need to do so really soon.” She turned to look at Alice, “Hunni, can you look at the menu so we can order? I'm suddenly famished. Not sure why that might be?” She winked suggestively across the table.

           They all ate together and stayed late drinking until last orders were called. Tom gallantly offered Harry and Alice escorting home, and insisted on taking Mrs Murray back. The girls looked at Mrs Murray to check that she was happy with that arrangement and she seemed to be. They declined his kind offer saying that they wanted to pop to Alice's first to get some things. They didn't, but they also didn't want him to feel put out.

           That night was heavenly. They slept in each other’s arms, having been completely worn out through making love. Neither of them believed how right this felt.

           Chapter Twenty Seven

           Meanwhile Lucy had driven far too fast as usual back to London. She couldn't wait to get out of this place, although she was amazed as to how good Harry looked. It made her even more determined to have her back in her bed as her plaything again. She had missed that. She had never forgotten that night that they spent together, and nothing had ever been as good. She was fed up of being rich, of having the perfect life on the surface. Underneath she was desperately unhappy. She was screaming, but the fake smile covered it and no one bothered to try to get under her mask. She kept up the bitch persona to keep people out. It worked.

           She couldn't help but think about that night, about Harry’s gentle caress, about her soft touch, about the expert way she had been able to manipulate her feelings and been able to press all the right buttons. She had loved that night, the way that Harry had rescued her from being alone that night. She loved that Harry had been so gullible, so desperate to believe that she had wanted her that she had played totally into her hands. She had given Lucy the excuse she had wanted to leave Max. She had never wanted to marry him; she had only gone along with it to keep her parents happy. She had decided to get back at them as painfully as she could because they wouldn't give her the share of the business that she had thought that she had deserved. She told them she was gay and had run away with Harry.

           She didn't realise how badly her mother would take the news and she had died several years later, having never spoken to her again. Her father had always doted on her and had continued meeting up with her and training her up in business in secret. It was when her mother had found out that the trauma of his betrayal bought on a heart attack. She had never regained consciousness. Lucy should have felt guilty, she never had done. She had always believed that they should love her no matter what; her mother had proved that she loved her unless she was sleeping with a woman.

           Lucy had left Harry that morning reluctantly. She had wanted to stay with her, she knew that it would be easy to make her do what she wanted, after all it wasn't hard to know how Harry had felt about her, although she knew that there was no way that Harry could find out that she was just using her. It hadn’t been that hard to be with Harry, after all to be strictly fair she had always wondered what girls got up to when they were involved like that. She hadn't imagined it to be so amazing.

           She enjoyed sex, always had, but this had blown her mind. Nothing had compared since. Not so mind blowing that it had made her want to give up everything that she had promised to her by her father though. That morning when she spoke to him, he promised her that if she returned home now, even though she had been spotted in the park and someone had managed to leak that she had spent the night with Harry that they could brush it all under the carpet, that she wouldn't have to marry Max and that they would 'deal with the situation.'

           What she hadn't anticipated though was how awful she would feel afterwards. She had thought that it would be easy to betray Harry and her feelings. She had thought that it wouldn't be any different for her than the countless one night stands she had experienced in the past.

           Unfortunately she hadn't taken into account the many years that she had been building up a relationship with Harry. It wasn't easy to walk out on such a great friendship knowing that she had betrayed her. It only became harder when she kept hearing how much she had totally destroyed Harry; that she had given up going out, that she had sold almost everything she owned, sold her flat and moved miles away having given up the great career she had created in London. It had really hurt her knowing that it was all her fault, that if it hadn't been for her then Harry would still be in London, that she would be editor at least now of one of the papers she wrote for and she would be world renowned for her writing. Instead she was living in some backwater, living with a small time patisserie, writing for whatever publications asked her, whilst she got her novel sorted.

           Her novel. Lucy replayed the conversations she had had with Harry on the phone and in person, knowing that she had seemed harsh and a bitch. It wasn't how she had meant to come across at all. The only person who had ever been able to break down her barriers and get to the real person inside had been Harry. Why had she treated her so badly today? The manuscript could have waited easily until Wednesday, it had been emailed anyway. Why did she do it? Lucy knew damn well why she had done it. She had heard about the accident, she had been following Harry's career for the years they had been apart, she had suddenly felt this need to be back in contact with her again. She needed an excuse to get her best friend and the best sexual experience she had ever had back in her life again. So she had asked James to buy the company for her as an anniversary gift. She could have bought it herself, but this seemed to have more credibility to it.

           She wiped the tears from her eyes. She hadn't cried in years. This wasn't something she was expecting. She felt so trapped. She didn't want to be with James, but then James didn't want to be with her either. There was a reason they hadn't had children and it wasn't to do with neither of them wanting or being able to, he had his 'friends' on the side and she had hers, as long as it was all very discreet then the arrangement worked for both of them. He gave her far more lavish gifts than he would have done otherwise. On the surface they had the perfect marriage, the perfect life. Shame that living a lie really wasn't that easy after a while; not when you longed to have someone to snuggle in bed next to, someone to touch whenever you wanted. Maybe James was good at snuggling on the sofa whilst they were watching a film, but it was like a friend, not as a lover. She really wasn't happy. She had hoped to find Harry in an emotional mess desperate to take her back. Why hadn't Harry felt the same? Why did she have to be so obviously in love with this patisserie cook? It hurt so much. As the tears streamed down her face Lucy pulled the car over. She couldn't drive like this and she certainly couldn't go back to the office with panda eyes. She pulled herself together, she was right she couldn’t let emotion get in the way. She knew that what she could offer Harry was far more than the country girl whom she had shacked up with. She always got what she wanted, and she wanted Harry.

           The rest of the drive went past in a blur. She managed to get there and swept into the office in her usual impressive manner which commanded attention and respect. She had worked hard to get this reputation and she wouldn't risk losing it now. Image was everything.

           She walked past her PA who she had called into work on a Sunday to get ahead on the following weeks tasks, “Coffee. Hold my calls. I'm not to be disturbed.”

           The PA, Vicky, was quite used to being spoken to like that, “As you wish.” She rose from behind her desk, went to get the coffee exactly as her boss liked it, delivered it and returned to her desk. She had taken the stack of phone messages and placed them next to the coffee. Normally she would talk through the messages, but today she thought better of it.

           “Thank you Vicks. Sorry been a very long day. Make sure you don't stay late.”

           “No problem, I won't. See you tomorrow Lucy.”

           As the door shut behind her PA Lucy bought out Harry's manuscript and settled down to read it. She had a little idea what the book was about, and had an idea that it would be good. She didn't realise how good.

           The manuscript was so good that Lucy couldn't put it down. It pulled at her heart strings, made her laugh, made her cry. She fell in love with the characters and could see the places. It was magnificent. It had to go to print as soon as possible.

 Lucy didn't leave the office that night, she stayed on the sofa, curled up reading until she had finished. She woke as the light came through the window to find a hot cup of coffee on the table in front of her, Vicks was wonderful.

           She decided that she couldn't wait until Wednesday and decided to set up an internal meeting for first thing that morning to discuss printing and marketing with the others who were to work on this. They would be her very best people. Up until she had read it, she was just planning on printing it to get Harry onside. Now she knew that this was a story that the whole world needed to read, that needed to be published, it would be a modern day classic; it would fly off the shelves.

           She had to call Harry to tell her, however she did decide that maybe she should have a shower and change before she did anything. It was still a little early to be making business calls. She had been wise to get an en suite shower room with her office and a wardrobe so she could stay if needed without question from her staff as well as keeping up appearances no matter what.

           She drank the coffee, went for a shower, changed and made the calls she needed to make. She was on a roll, she was excited. This was what she loved.

           Chapter Twenty Eight

           Harry woke to the sound of the phone ringing. She looked around, no sign of Alice. She glanced at the clock and realised that she would have left for work ages ago. It was early for her to be having a call; generally the people who contracted her for jobs didn't call until much later in the day.

           “Hello?”

           “Hi Harry, it's Lucy.”

           “Lucy? I thought I made myself clear yesterday. I will deal with you if I have to, but only at...”

           “Harry wait. Please?” She listened to the pause, “I need to talk to you. I have read your manuscript.”

           “Already? You only picked it up last night.” The author in her was curious as to what someone else thought of it. Obviously Alice and Mrs Murray had read it, but they were her lover and her friend so they were obviously going to be polite about it. It would be nice to see what someone else thought.

           “I know. I got back to my office and I just couldn't put it down. It really is absolutely brilliant, one of the best I have ever read.”

           “You're just saying that.”

           “I'm not. Really I might joke about many things, but never about work.”

           “I guessed as much.”

           “Anyway, we have had a meeting this morning,”

           “This morning? It's only 7 now. What time do you start?”

           “Early, especially for something as important as this. I think you should know I have put the company's best people on this and we are working towards designs, advertising, book launches. We are thinking about launching this before Christmas and hit into that market, it'll be huge, massive in fact. We know that it is going to fly off the shelves and...”

           “And what? Slow down. I get that you like my book, the rest of it I kind of missed, you rushed through it.”

           “Sorry. I'm just so excited...”

           “And probably had too much coffee to drink.”

           “Maybe, maybe not. Anyway. The only thing I think you might need to look at is the title. It doesn't really sit well. I'm suggesting that instead of 'past, present and now’ we maybe change it to something else? It sounds more like a history text book, rather than a novel. Can you think on that and get back to me ASAP?”

           This was all going too fast for Harry. She really didn't want to deal with all this, actually she did. She did want to deal with all this, she did want to be published, she did want someone to love her manuscript as much as she did... she did... just not Lucy. Never Lucy. She had a choice, deal with Lucy or don't get it published. She had signed a contract; she couldn't take it anywhere else. 'Fuck. Lucy or nothing? What would Alice say?'

           “Can I get back to you later? I'm in the middle of something.”

           “You aren't, you’re not even up yet, and my call woke you.”

           “Whatever. I need to do some stuff, I'll call you later.”

           “OK, till later then.”

           Harry put down the receiver. How did she get herself into this mess? How was she going to sort it out? She knew that there was only one thing for it. She pulled on her jeans, jumper, boots and coat and walked out the door, not even waiting for a shower and walked briskly in the cold air to Alice's shop. She knew that she would get sense here; she knew she would find both Alice and Mrs Murray. They would help her to work out what to do, whether to let her head or her heart win.

           She interrupted the strange pair setting up for the day, Alice had been here for hours, Mrs Murray not nearly as long, but she always made sure she was here for Alice early enough in the morning to allow her to finish baking and making whilst she served the early bird shopkeepers, walkers and passers through. It wasn't a rip roaring trade and sadly Harry thought how much better Alice could be doing in a busier place, but she seemed happy and wasn't that more important at the end of the day rather than money in the bank, fame and fortune?

           “Harry? What are you doing here? I thought you were sleeping?”

           “I was.”

           “So?”

           “What? Shall I go then? I know when I'm not wanted...” she laughed,

           “Don’t be daft, it's always lovely to see you, you know I love it.” Alice blushed,

           “Actually I'm glad that I caught you both. I've had a phone call and I need some help to work out what to do about it.”

           “This sounds interesting.” Mrs Murray’s ears had pricked up; she already had the coffee making and bought it to the back of the shop.

           Harry recounted the conversation she had had with Lucy that morning. She spared no detail, after all both of the ladies knew her history with Lucy, they knew how she had felt about her and what the effects of her leaving that morning had been, how long it had taken her to put herself back together again. 

           It wasn't until there were customers banging on the door that they realised how long they had been talking about Harry’s situation.

           “Sorry to break up the party, but I have customers to serve.” Mrs Murray went to open the doors and welcome in the waiting villagers.

           “OK you're busy; I'll see you at home?”

           “Are you going to be OK with this going round in your head? You can stay here today if you like?”

           “No it's fine. I'm going to head on back; I have that article on coffee shop culture to keep me entertained.”

           “Sounds riveting.”

           “No, not really, but it should keep my mind of this.” Harry picked up her coat and bag, “Oh by the way, I wondered if you wanted to move in?”

           “What?”

           “You heard, fancy being my live in lover?” She smiled,

           “Where did that come from?”

           “Here” she put her hand over her heart, then seeing Alice's face she mimed sticking fingers down her throat, “what the hell have you done to me?” She laughed.

           “Erm, you want an answer now?”

           “To which question?”

           “Either?”

           “Nah, it's OK, tonight'll do, I'll pick you up.”

           “No, you don't need to, I'll drive. Tom bought my car over for me. Apparently he didn't like the idea of young women walking around at night unaccompanied.” This time they both laughed heartily.

           “Bless him.”

           “Yeah, something like that! Anyway, I best help Mrs Murray, she sounds busy. See you at yours.”

           “Ours.”

           “Whatever! I'll see you later!”

           Harry turned and walked out of the door and wandered home in no particular rush as she wanted to mull over what Alice and Mrs Murray had said when they had been discussing her options. Both of them understood why it would be hard for her, but they both said that this was such a great opportunity. She already had signed the contract and paying back the advance wouldn't be easy, doable, but not easy.

           Could she work with Lucy? She knew that Alice trusted her; she knew she loved Alice, but could she really put aside her feelings and deal with her on a daily basis? She really didn't think that she had much choice, she had worked hard on her novel and she had always wanted to be a published author, rather than a writer of articles for whoever wanted to pay. This was her dream, she wished that Lucy didn't feature so heavily in achieving it, but she had to take it. She walked home with more purpose now the decision had been taken. Harry got home, made coffee, went to her study and made the calls. She called Alice to tell her she had decided to go for it. Alice was thrilled that she had grabbed her dream and wasn't going to let Lucy get in the way of her achieving it. She promised that it would be OK and that she would support Harry whilst she was working with Lucy.

           Deep inside Alice was nervous. She knew that Lucy was someone who wasn't used to being told no and that she would always manage to get what she wanted. She just hoped that Lucy didn't have her sights set on Harry, that she was just interested in her manuscript.

           With renewed enthusiasm and excitement Harry called Lucy.  Lucy was over the moon; although she had known that there was no doubt that Harry would be calling to say yes. Harry always did carry things through until the end. This was no different.

           Chapter Twenty Nine

           Wednesday arrived all too soon. Harry hated travelling to London, especially for business and this seemed so much worse as she was going to be stuck in an office with Lucy. She had wanted to take Alice, but knew that would just look unprofessional, so she had arranged to meet her afterwards at home.

           She walked into the large imposing building where she had been many times before and made her way to the lift and up to the top floor. She had announced her arrival with the receptionist as she had arrived so when she made it to the top Vicky was there to greet her.

           Harry was shown into the board room where she was surrounded by advertising and marketing personnel, with editors, and other staff, all headed by Lucy. She had to hide that she was feeling so nervous and totally intimidated. She hadn't thought that it would be like this.

           The meeting dragged on, most of which Harry was trying hard to listen to, but just couldn't take in. She didn't want to get involved in distribution ideas. She just wanted to know about covers and advertising campaigns.

           Harry was thrilled that everyone there had read her book and all seemed to love it, although sceptically she wondered how much of that was just them pandering to her and who were just doing their job sucking up to the author. However when they broke for coffee and to, 'regroup' she was grabbed by one of the editing team,

           “Harry? I'm Penny. I just wanted to say how thrilled I am that you are staying with us after the changes. Your novel had me gripped from the first page. It has to be the best debut novel I have read in years. Thank you so much for letting us read it.”

           Harry was more than a little shell shocked with the praise, “Thank you Penny.”

           “Don't be so scared. We know what we're doing and with something as awesome as your novel, it'll be easy to market and even easier to sell.”

           “Really? To be honest, this is all a little beyond what I was expecting.”

           At that point she smelt the familiar scent of Lucy behind her, “Penny do you not have things you should be preparing?”

           “Yes Lucy, of course.” She walked away from the coffee and went to rejoin the other editors.

           “Lucy that really wasn't necessary. She was being kind.”

           “Yeah, whatever.”

           “No seriously, I wish you'd be nicer to people.”

           “I wish that you'd start realising how brilliant this novel is and how much money it's going to make.”

           “Money isn't everything.”

           “No, but it damn well helps.”

           Lucy put her hand on Harry's arm, “I'd like to invite you to lunch as my guest. Will you come?”

           This was the last thing that Harry wanted, but she knew that she had to keep Lucy onside but at arm’s length. It wasn't going to be an easy balance.

           “See what time we finish?”

           “Why? Have you got to get back to err... what's her name?”

           “Alice. Her name is Alice. No I don't have to get back, but maybe I'd like to.”

           Lucy didn't want things to start slipping now, “Obviously, sorry. So maybe then?”

           “Maybe.”

           “Then let's get this finished then as soon as we can.” She chuckled.

           The meeting continued, finally talking about things which Harry had an interest in. They were talking about plans for a huge media campaign, but run subtly in the press with appearances on TV shows for Harry. She wasn't sure about this. She knew that for major novelists it was part of the deal, but this was her first novel. No one knew who she was,

           “That's my point Harry. We know who you are, but everyone NEEDS to know who you are. Your book should be on every bookcase in the country at least. It really is that brilliant.”

           Harry still couldn't totally believe Lucy; after all she had spent such a long time writing it. She knew all the bits that she wasn't totally pleased about, things that she thought might need changing, where the characters needed a little more life and so many other tiny things which just made her perfect baby imperfect.

           Eventually the meeting ended and she found herself in Lucy’s office. She marvelled at the extravagant décor and the stunning views over the Thames. She waited on the luxurious sofa whilst Lucy made a couple of calls, wanting to be heading home. She knew that she wasn't going to be going home yet, Lucy wanted her to go to lunch with her.  Harry thought that it was probably a good idea to clear the air before this properly got going.

           They sat down in the very exclusive restaurant, Italian of course; Lucy had remembered it was her favourite. They ate the delicious food, enjoying the fine wines, superb service and managed to relax with each other. They talked about their past, what had happened when they hadn't been in contact with each other and what their hopes for the future were. Over the second and third bottles, and some amazing desert, they managed to put the past to bed and to finally realise that things could have been so different. Lucy explained about her marriage to James, which shocked Harry – although not as much as it probably should have done.

           After the third bottle of wine Lucy looked at Harry. “Darling, I think you have had more than you should have done.” She laughed.

           Harry couldn't help but join in with the drunken laughter. “I think you might be right.” She looked at her watch, “Oh god is that the time? I really should be going.”

           “You really can't get on the train in this state god only knows where you'd end up! You should stay here tonight.”

           Harry looked at Lucy suspiciously. “Here?”

           “Yeah, I have a suite booked.” She saw how Harry was looking at her, “It's not like that. Really.”

           “Yeah, like I believe that.”

           Harry started to get up from the table; she really didn't want to stay over. She wanted to go home, she wanted to see Alice and more than that she really wanted to feel her body next to hers all night.

           Lucy put her hand on Harry’s arm, “Really, the suite is yours. I'm not trying to get into your pants.”

           “I don't believe you.”

           Lucy pointed towards the reception area where the manager was waiting. It was obvious that Lucy was a very frequent guest here. She beckoned him to come over.

           “Mrs Harrison? How lovely to see you again. Your normal suite is ready for you as soon as you are ready.”

           Harry eyed up Lucy, “Normal suite?” She laughed,

           “The business suite I assure you.” The manager interrupted.

           He sounded so put out and disgusted that the two women could possibly want a suite for any other reason that they both couldn't stop themselves from laughing. He walked away in disgust. 

           “Thanks Luce, but not tonight. I need my own bed.”

           “You sure I can't tempt you?”
 “Flirting is NOT going to help. I am going home.”

           “At least let me get my driver to drive you home? I can't let you, my newest star author, get on a train completely plastered now can I? What kind of irresponsible person would I be?” she giggled.

           “Fine, whatever, just let me go home! Please?”

           They walked out to where her driver was waiting. She gave him the instructions to take Harry home, but to Harry's shock and dismay she had decided to join them on their road trip.

           “Luce, go home. I am fine.”

           “Nope, I got you drunk; I get to make sure you get home safely.”

           The drive passed amongst giggles until Lucy tried to put her hand up inside Harry’s jumper.

           “What the fuck do you think you're doing? Stop the car please.”  She sobered up instantly.

           “Oh Harry you can't blame me for trying.”

           “I can and I do. Stop the car.”

           The driver came to a stop.

           “Harry I'm sorry, really I am. I promise never to do anything like that again. You can't walk from here, please?”

           “You really can't. I'm with Alice now and I'm happy. I will not let you ruin that for me.”

           “OK OK OK. I understand. I promise I won't.”

           She managed to persuade Harry to allow her to continue with the drive home. She kept her hands to herself on the remainder of the journey.

           As they pulled up outside Harry's place and she saw that Alice was in she felt stronger,

           “I think it's best if someone else takes over with my novel.”

           “No. Harry don't say that, please. I promise you it will be business only from now on in. I really do. Please don't take your novel away from me. I know that I'm the right person to get it published.”

           “I'll call your office tomorrow.”

           She got out of the car and walked in to her home holding her head high.

           Chapter Thirty

           Harry had come straight into the house and told Alice everything. She was shocked at how calm Alice was, she had been expecting hurt, anger and at least tears. She got none of that. Instead Alice threw her arms around Harry and kissed her.

           “Oh by the way” Alice started

           “Uh huh?”

           “The answer’s yes”

           Harry looked into Alice’s eyes. She had said yes! This was the most amazing thing. Harry couldn’t contain her excitement; she lifted Alice up and spun her around.

           “I’m so glad”

           Alice did no more than reach down, take Harry’s hand and lead her to the bedroom where they made passionate and loving love all night long.

           The following morning Harry called the offices and agreed to let Lucy carry on being in charge with her novel on the understanding that she would only deal with Penny in future. All messages and meetings would be set up with her, not with Lucy. Harry knew that this would be the most direct way to stop Lucy from trying to take liberties with her again. She was so happy with Alice that she really was sure that she wouldn’t ever let anyone come between them again.

 In a few short months Harry and Alice walked into a large bookshop in London and saw Harry’s book on the shelves. She was thrilled. It was the most exciting thing that she had ever felt, well almost.

           The novel was a total success and broke all records for a debut novel. Lucy had been right about the critical acclaim that she would attract, but no one had told her how hard she would have to work, all the publicity and all the book signings really were taking their toll on her. She knew they were a necessary evil as such, and was shocked as to how much of a ‘home bird’ she’d become since Alice had moved in. She now hated being away from her. She loved waking up lying next to Alice every morning. 

 Lucy never did try anything with Harry again. She knew better than that, besides apparently she was now involved with Vicks; her super efficient PA. The secrets and ties each of them had with the past had been totally buried allowing them to not only move on but to be happy and live that “happily ever after” that they had all hoped and dreamed of.