ARBOR VITAE

by SX MEAGHER

CHAPTER ONE

One word came to mind when Clancy O’Connor pulled her truck up to the address she’d been searching for.

Wow.

Not normally one at a loss for words, the young woman had come upon a place which seemed to have that effect on her. She checked her clipboard again. Yep. This is the place. She hopped out of the pick-up, dusted off her spruce-green cotton shirt, and smoothed out some of the wrinkles in her khaki cargo shorts.

Maybe I should have gone home to change first. Placing her hands on her hips, she frowned. What’s up with me? Since when do I care how wrinkled I am? I’m not here to impress this woman with my clothes. Casting a quick glance down, she noticed that she had chosen sedate gray socks which now peeked out of the tops of her dark brown, ankle-length, work boots. Could be worse.

Leaning over so she could see her reflection in the large side-view mirror, she bent from the waist and tried to remove some of the white dust that had settled in her hair. Probably shouldn’t spend the morning at the quarry when I’m meeting a new client. Especially one that lives in a place like this! She gave herself a stern look for giving in to negative thoughts. I’m gonna impress this client with my vision – not my image. When she had herself looking as presentable as she could manage, she checked her pocket watch which conveniently hung from a stainless steel carabiner on her wide leather belt. Right on time. I may be dirty, but I’m punctual.

Her heart was beating a little quickly, and she wiped her slightly damp hands on her shorts before taking in a calming breath, then ringing the buzzer on the gate. She rocked back and forth on her heels, trying to bleed off some of her nervous energy, and jumped noticeably when the gate rasped harshly and started to open. Act like you’ve been to a nice house before!

When she walked through the pedestrian gate, Clancy stood stock-still for a moment, enraptured by the magnificent home. It was her favorite style, an authentic Craftsman. Clad in weather-darkened brown shingles, its exposed rafter ends and knee braces under the long, low eaves gave the home a distinctive and distinguished look. A broad, deep porch ran the width of the house, the overhanging roof supported by massive, river-rock columns. The river-rock also covered the chimney and foundation, esthetically tying the large, rambling home together.

She knew the homeowner would be waiting, so she stopped staring and started walking. Her boots crunched over the leaves littering the macadam, and the profusion of flowers and shrubs calmed her a little by occupying her thoughts as she walked up the long, curving drive. This is the last place that needs a landscape architect. Maybe this isn’t the right address. She was so mesmerized by the great variety and the uniqueness of the plants that dotted the property, she nearly collided with the woman standing on the top step of the porch. Clancy stumbled backwards, her foot missed the bottom step, and she was dumped unceremoniously onto her seat.

“Are you all right?” The woman’s worried gaze searched Clancy from head to toe, then a pair of strong, sure hands reached for her and slid down from her shoulders to lightly grasp her elbows.

Biting back a curse at her clumsiness, Clancy nodded and tried to get to her feet, but the strong hands held her right where she was. “Are you sure you’re all right? You shouldn’t move until you’re certain.”

Her heart was still racing from adrenaline, and Clancy consciously tried to calm herself. “I’m fine. Clumsy and distracted, but fine.”

The hands left her arms, and the woman stood, revealing her impressive stature. She looked at least eight feet tall, but Clancy realized that her perspective was skewed by her still sitting on her ass. Once the landscaper was standing, their heights were significantly equalized, and Clancy realized that her prospective client was only a couple of inches taller than she.

“Abigail Graham,” the client said in a smooth, confident voice. “That first step is a doozy.”

“Clancy O’Connor,” the younger woman answered, shaking Abigail’s hand. “I wish it were the steps. It’s the stepper. I was looking at your flowers and forgot where I was. Who does your landscaping?”

“Oh, I use a nice young man – Refugio Lopez.”

Clancy’s eyebrow shot up. “I know Refugio, and he is a nice guy, but he’s a ‘mow, blow and go’ guy. This was done by an artist.”

Abigail shrugged, looking charmingly modest. “Oh, I thought you wanted to know who cut the grass. I, uhm … I suppose that I did the design.”

“You did this?” Clancy turned and extended her hands, pointing at the lush garden. “And you’re calling me for help with your landscape?”

With a laugh that was nearly musical, Abigail inclined her head and asked, “Do you really like it?”

“I love it! It’s got everything that most landscape designs lack!”

“Such as?” the older woman asked, not so subtly begging for a compliment.

Warming even more to her subject, Clancy took a few steps and got down on her knees. She lovingly caressed a border of perennial shrubs, annual flowers, and a few bulbs – all clustered together. “Just in this one little patch you’ve got four seasons of color, six different shades of green, and five heights. There’s enough visual interest in just this patch to attract and hold my attention for a good ten minutes! And this is just a tiny, tiny part of the border.” She got up and gazed at Abigail with a wide smile. “You’ve got a real talent here, and I’m being completely honest when I wonder what you could possibly need me for.”

Abigail beamed a smile that lit up her whole face, highlighting merrily dancing eyes. “You have no idea how much I needed that little boost today. Thank you.”

Clancy cocked her head and took a long look at the woman, noting that she was quite attractive. But lurking right behind the bright eyes and wide smile, Clancy saw a pall of sadness. She was surprised when she felt an urge to boost the woman's spirits. “I do suck up to clients,” she revealed, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, “but in this case, I don’t have to.”

Still grinning, Abigail said, “I’m gonna take that on faith and believe every word. Come on inside and we can talk.”

Abby opened the door, and the younger woman led the way, turning to go to the kitchen when Abigail directed her to. As the landscaper walked in front of her, Abby shook her head and said to herself, She is by far the cutest little lesbian that I think I’ve ever seen! She let her eyes wander from the short, platinum-blonde hair with its dark roots showing, a style she’d recently noticed on the fatally hip Westside, down to the green safari shirt with the sleeves rolled up to expose tanned, muscular arms. She took in the shorts, where a pair of professional quality sheers and a fluorescent pink tape measure hung from leather holders on a wide belt. Abigail was sure the young woman was more than popular in the lesbian social scene in the San Gabriel Valley.

“I was surprised you didn’t pull into the drive,” Abigail commented.

Clancy took a few more steps, debating with herself. Truth? Ah, why not? She’s already seen you fall on your ass. “I’m not used to working on homes this nice,” she admitted, a slightly sheepish look on her face. “I’ve never even been to a home with a gated entrance, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.”

Abigail looked at the young woman again, charmed by her disarming honesty. “I think the gate is a little ostentatious to tell you the truth. But it does keep door-to-door salespeople from waking me up on a Saturday morning.” They reached the kitchen, and she said, "Tell me all about yourself. I’d love to hear about your background.”

“There’s not much to tell,” Clancy said, taking a stool at the breakfast bar. “I’ve had my license for two years, and I’ve been busy the whole time, but most of my jobs have been fairly small.” She nodded when Abigail produced a pitcher of lemonade and watched the older woman move gracefully around the kitchen. “Honestly, I’m surprised that you found me. Where did you get my number?”

Abigail smiled and set a frosty glass in front of her. “From the Gay and Lesbian Yellow Pages.”

She’s gay? No way!

Abigail continued, “I make it a rule to support women professionals if I can.” Her nose wrinkled in a grin as she added, “You were the only landscape architect in the book. By the way, I loved the little rainbow colored tree in your ad. That’s a very cute touch.”

“Thanks. I don’t use it in all of my ads, since most straight people wouldn’t understand the connection. That’s my special gay people ad.”

“Well, it really caught my eye.” Abigail winked and added, “But again, you were the only architect.”

Clancy barked out a laugh and said, “That’s true, but there're several landscapers and garden designers listed. Did you consider them?”

“No. I wanted an architect. The job I want to have done is complex. The person I hire has to have the proper training and credentials.”

Clancy looked at the woman carefully, letting her mind settle around the information she was learning about Abigail. The tall, thin woman looked fit and healthy, and Clancy guessed that she participated in some regular form of exercise. Her hair was short, and colored in an attractive salt and pepper, with pepper still winning the war. An unlined, tanned face, with a strong jaw and deep-set blue eyes made for a terrifically attractive package, and Clancy felt her heartbeat pick up again as she wondered if the woman was partnered. Deciding to go for broke, she tried to ask the question without being too obvious. “So, do you live alone?” she asked, nearly biting her tongue as the words tumbled out. You’re not in a bar, you idiot! I thought you were gonna be subtle? Why don’t you just ask her what her sign is and be done with it?

Another flash of pain washed across Abigail’s face, and Clancy mentally kicked herself once again. The strong chin tilted down, and Abigail’s eyes stared blankly towards the floor for just a moment. “Yes, I suppose I do live alone,” she said quietly. She shook her head briefly, and Clancy was stunned to see a few tears slide down her cheek. Abigail wiped at them angrily, muttering, “I’m sorry. I’ve had a very tough weekend.” She looked into Clancy’s gray eyes and saw nothing but warm concern and found herself allowing some of her hurt to spill forth. “Yesterday was my birthday, and I'd been fantasizing that my daughter would come home and surprise me.” She shook her head and muttered. “Silly.”

“Where does she live?” Clancy asked gently.

“The poor thing is a freshman at UC Santa Cruz. She has finals soon, and I would’ve been upset with her if she’d spent the whole weekend traveling down here.” Giving Clancy a slightly embarrassed glance, she said, “I set myself and my daughter up in a no-win situation. She wanted to come home, but I told her not to. She really pressed me, but I held firm. But then I kept imagining that she’d come anyway.” She bit her lip to try to keep her emotions under control. “I’ve never been alone on my birthday. It was … much harder than I thought it'd be.”

Clancy spared a quick look at Abigail’s ring finger. The left hand was bare of adornment, and the landscaper tentatively asked, “Are you … single?”

With a sad smile, Abigail nodded. “My husband died five years ago … this week. Every year I’ve focused on the fact that it will be easier the next year. I thought that I’d be free of the grief by now.” She shook her head slightly and said, “I’m not.”

“Were you together long?” Clancy asked, forcing herself to get over her mild disappointment that the woman obviously wasn’t a lesbian.

“Twenty years. We had twenty wonderful years together, and I have two wonderful children who constantly remind me of the love we shared.” She looked away again and whispered hoarsely, “Sometimes all of that just isn’t enough.”

“I can’t imagine,” Clancy said. “It must be wonderful to have loved someone so much — but so hard to go on alone.”

“It is,” Abigail agreed. “I wouldn’t trade the years we had together for anything on earth, but the devastation is much greater than I could've imagined.” She sighed deeply and leaned over to wipe her eyes with her hands. When her body shifted, Clancy saw a simple gold band on a thin gold chain fall from her yellow and blue print blouse. Abigail tucked it back in and pasted on a wan smile. “You probably think that I’m unstable, but I swear you’re the first complete stranger I’ve ever unburdened myself to. There’s something about you that makes me babble away. Do you have this effect on everyone?”

Clancy shrugged and returned the smile. “I like talking to people. Always have. I used to spend my weekends in my mom’s floral shop, chatting away with the customers.”

“Ah, is that where you developed your love of flowers?”

“Yeah. I suppose so. Little did I know that all of those weekends would pay off some day.”

“I’d be happy to sit in the kitchen and gab all day,” Abigail said, “but I’m sure you have other appointments. Shall we take a look at the project I’m thinking of?”

“Sure. I blocked out three hours, so we’re doing fine on time.”

Abigail shot her a warm grin and said, “You must like to talk if you block your time so generously.”

“Well, the first meeting is the most important one, so I like to spend as much time as possible to get to know both the project and the client. If you like me, and we can reach an agreement on the project, that’s half the battle.”

“We’re halfway there already,” Abigail said, and Clancy grinned with genuine pleasure at the thought that this lovely woman already liked her.

***

When Abigail opened the double French doors in the rear of the kitchen, a pair of dogs raced into the room like twin bolts of lightning. Ignoring their owner, they made their way to Clancy, tails wagging so quickly they were mere blurs. Clancy immediately sank to the floor, exclaiming in delight, “What do we have here?”

“These,” Abigail said, “are the result of a suggestion my grief counselor made. She thought that bringing some new life into the house would help us get through some of the rough patches. We picked them up three years ago — also this week,” she added. “My counselor thought it would give us a boost to get through the anniversary of my husband’s death.” Speaking in an excited voice, she said, “We’ve got to have a celebration, girls!”

At the sound of her voice, the dogs started jumping, then spinning around in tight circles. Both women laughed at their exuberance, and when the pups heard Clancy’s laugh, they set upon her with a vengeance.

“What kind of dogs are they?” Clancy asked, giggling as her face was licked in a mad frenzy.

“They’re Portuguese Water Dogs,” Abigail said. “I can make them stop if you mind.”

“Not a bit. I love dogs.” She looked at the pair and saw some vague similarity, and wondered aloud, “Are they related?”

“They’re from the same litter,” Abigail said. “Artemis here is a black and white parti-color with a wavy coat, and Athena is a black and white with a curly coat.”

“Cute names,” Clancy said. “Are you the goddess of the Amazons, puppy?” She tickled Artemis under the chin and laughed when Athena pushed her way past her sister to get some special attention.

“My daughter had a brief fascination with mythology,” Abby said. “I put my foot down at Aphrodite for this one.” She indicated the curlier dog. “I knew it would devolve into a nickname, and there was no way I was going to call the poor thing Aphro. Besides, I think Athena suits her better.”

“They’re adorable,” Clancy said, sputtering as Athena gave her a wet lick right on the lips. “Friendly, too!”

“Yes,” Abigail said, chuckling softly. “They’re Portuguese dogs, but they love to French kiss.”

“I’ve been out with women who weren’t as skilled,” Clancy said, getting to her feet with some difficulty. She heard the words come out of her mouth and visibly cringed. "Sorry," she mumbled. "That was …"

“Nonsense," Abby said. "I assumed you were gay when I called you, Clancy. It certainly doesn't bother me to have you refer to being with women." She saw the dogs begin to get too rambunctious, and she said in a firm voice, "Girls … leave Clancy alone for a moment. Down!” Both dogs gave her a quick look to ascertain her sincerity, and when they saw she meant business, they sat down right at Clancy’s feet, waiting for permission to nibble on her again.

"Okay," Clancy said, looking slightly uncomfortable. To shift attention away from herself she bent to give each dog a pat on the head. "Well-mannered dogs."

“You have to have a firm hand with Porties, or they’ll run the house. Oh … I hope you don’t mind if I call you Clancy,” she added. “I didn’t even think to ask.”

“Of course not. Do you like to be called Abigail?”

“Actually, why don’t you call me Abby? All of my friends do.”

“Okay, Abby. Let’s take a look at this project.”

***

They walked outside, and Abby pointed to a steeply rising slope and the old, faded, stockade fence running along the property line. “I want to have that fence taken down and put up a stucco wall.”

“Okay, that’s not too big a job,” the architect said. “I’ll just climb up and take a look.” The hill was so steep that Clancy had to hold on to a few sturdy trees to get to the top, and she walked along the property line for a few minutes, getting a feel for the space.

When she came back down, Abby looked up at the fence and said wistfully, “I’d love to be able to put up a nice, short wooden fence, just tall enough to keep the dogs in. But a young family has moved in up there, and their kids stand at the fence and drive the dogs absolutely mad. It didn’t bother me too much at first, since they hear them barking more than I do, but I saw a little hand sticking through a gap in the fence the other day, feeding the dogs God-knows-what, and I decided I had to do something.”

“Have you talked to the parents?”

“No,” Abby said, shaking her head. “I want to have good relations with them — so I’d rather just eliminate the problem.”

They spent a solid hour discussing what Abby thought she needed, and Clancy took notes the entire time, scribbling drawings and short sentences in a large, rubber-covered notepad. Clancy saw Abby’s curious glance and patted the day-glo orange book. “I work in the rain a lot. This keeps everything nice and dry.”

“Looking at the way you dress, and the tools you carry, makes me have confidence in you,” Abby said.

Grinning broadly, Clancy said, “I take my work very seriously, Abby. I haven’t had any big commissions yet, but I will. I treat each project like it’s my own house — I care.”

“I can see that,” the older woman said, noting the sincerity in Clancy’s unflinching gaze.

The architect spent the next half-hour taking careful measurements with Abby eventually offering to help by taking notes for her. When she was finished, Clancy dusted herself off and said, “I’ll work up a plan and get back to you by the end of next week. Does that sound good?”

“Perfect.”

The homeowner started to walk her out, and when they got to the front porch, Clancy stood and stared out at the landscape, trying to take it all in. “If I lived here, I’d never get a thing done. I’d sit right on one of these comfy-looking chairs and let the world roll by while I watched my flowers grow.”

“You know,” Abby said, “that’s exactly what I did on my birthday. I sat here most of the day, reflecting and letting the plants remind me of the cyclical nature of living things."

"Don't you have any other family, Abby? Any friends you could have spent the day with?"

Abby smiled at the woman, touched by her concern. "Oh, sure, I have a lot of friends. And I could have spent the whole day with them. I did agree to have dinner with several of my buddies, but I wanted some time alone."

"To think?"

"Exactly," she said. "I didn’t use to be so introspective, but since my husband died, I spend more time than I probably should thinking about life … and death.”

Giving the woman a smile, Clancy found herself saying, “It's good to spend time thinking about life 'cause we have a lot of power to make our lives better. But don't spend too much time thinking about death. It'll take care of itself."

Looking at the young woman for a few moments, Abby cocked her head and asked, “How are we doing on time?”

Taking a peek at her pocket watch, Clancy said, “I’ve got over an hour until my next appointment. Why?”

“How about joining me for lunch? We could sit out here and enjoy the plants.”

“Lunch? Really?”

“Yeah. I’d love to spend some time with someone who appreciates the work I’ve done here. Most people just look at it and say, ‘Nice lawn.’”

“You’re on,” Clancy said. “I could easily spend an hour talking about the fabulous drift of delphiniums you have on the little rise over by that beautiful ficus.” She narrowed her eyes and said, “You created that rise, didn’t you? Nice touch. I love to contour a flat expanse of lawn. It makes all of the difference in the world.”

“You’re my kinda woman,” Abby said. Her face lit up in a smile that erased ten years. “Have a seat while I go make up a fruit and cheese platter.” She paused and asked, “You do eat cheese, don’t you?”

“Any kind, any time,” Clancy said, settling down to take in the setting.

***

The hour passed far too soon, and Clancy stood and brushed some crumbs from her shirt. “That was one of the nicest lunch hours I’ve had since I started working. I normally stop for a taco or a hamburger — if I have time to stop at all.”

“Call me the next time you’re in the neighborhood,” Abby said. “I’d love the company.”

Laughing, Clancy said, “I’m not in the neighborhood very often, but I’d gladly go out of my way to do this again.”

Abby stood and started to walk Clancy to her truck, both dogs trotting along companionably as they walked down the long drive. “Now, next time, pull up to the gate and give a honk. I’ve got a closed circuit camera so I can see who’s waiting.” As they approached the truck, the older woman chuckled slightly and said, “I think I’ll be able to recognize you. You’re the only person I know with a screaming yellow truck.”

“She’s my baby.” Placing her hand lovingly on the top rail of the bed, Clancy said, “My first big purchase.”

“It’s lovely,” Abby said, taking pleasure from the obvious pride that Clancy exhibited. She noted the neat cursive lettering on the door that read, “Clancy O’Connor Landscape Architect”, and listed a phone number and website address. She felt a brief stab of longing to be young and just starting out like this young woman was, but she brushed the feelings aside and extended her hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Clancy. I look forward to working together.”

I guess I got the job, the younger woman marveled. Unless I screw up the drawings or the quote! The pressure is on!

***

Clancy was sitting at her drafting table, chewing on the end of a drawing pencil, graph paper stuck to every horizontal surface. Her roommate, Michael, came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder, making her jump several inches. “Shit! I hate it when you scare me like that!”

“I swear that I don’t try to sneak up on you,” the man protested. “You just concentrate so hard that you don’t hear me come in.”

“What are you doing home this early anyway?” she asked absently, her attention already split between him and her drawings.

“It’s 8:15,” he said. “That’s not early.”

She grabbed her watch and tilted it so she could see the face. “You’re shitting me!”

“Nope. What are you working on, anyway? You’ve been tied to that chair every night this week.”

“I’m doing the plans for that woman that lives on the Arroyo,” she mumbled, a little embarrassed to have spent as much time on the plans as she had.

“You’re working hard enough to re-landscape the Rose Bowl,” he said. “What’s up with this job?”

She sighed, and rubbed her weary eyes with the back of a hand. “This is the biggest job I’ve ever had, Michael. This woman’s obviously wealthy, and I bet she’s got a lot of connections. There are a lot of people out there who'd probably love to hire me if they knew about me. I just haven’t had a way to get a toehold with the movers and shakers. This woman might help me get there.”

“I hope it works for you, baby,” he said, ruffling his hand through her short hair.

“Thanks,” she said, placing her hand atop his and giving it a pat. “I know you’re my biggest fan.”

“Is this mover and shaker … available?” Michael asked.

“Yes … kinda … and she’s just my type.”

“Oh, Lord, don’t tell me,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Does she have all of her own teeth?”

She slapped at him playfully. “I don’t like them old! She’s mature,” she sniffed.

“She’s old,” he decided. “Come on … how old is she?”

“I’m not sure, but she’s got a daughter in college.” She shrugged at Michael’s raised eyebrow and said, “I know you think it’s a neurosis, but I happen to prefer women who’ve seen the world and know what they want from it.”

“You,” he teased, tweaking her nose, “prefer women who’ve seen the Second World War. But I still love you.”

“I love you too, Michael. And I think Abby might have seen the Viet Nam war, but that’s as far as I’ll go. She might be, oh … thirty-nine or forty. I’m sure she’s younger than my parents.”

“Oh, that’s reassuring,” he said, laughing. “Now take your nose out of those drawings and join me for a quick dinner.”

She rubbed her empty stomach and said, “I didn’t have lunch today. Good thing I’ve got a few spare pounds to carry me over.”

He looked at her critically. “You’ve got a few spare muscles, but other than that, you can’t afford to lose an ounce.” He started to walk into the kitchen, then stopped to say, "You said she was kinda available. What's that mean?"

"She probably thinks she's straight," Clancy said, wrinkling up her nose. "But she's a widow so she's clearly available."

"Oh, God," he moaned. "Why don't you make things tough, Clance? Turning an old widow into a lesbian who's hot for you is just too easy!"

***

Clancy sat at the circular kitchen table, nervously smoothing out her plans. She had the drawings facing herself, not yet ready to share them with Abby. Clearing her throat, she began. “I’ve drawn a few different ideas, and I’ve written up an estimate for each of them. Ready to take a look?”

“I am,” Abby said, her excitement obvious. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Clancy turned the first drawing around and showed Abby the wall just as the homeowner had envisioned it. “Here’s the stucco wall,” she said. “Nothing fancy, but very functional.”

“This looks just fine,” Abby said. “I can plant some climbing plants, and in a few years, it won’t look so stark. What’s the estimate?”

“I could do this for around $17,500 – painted, of course.”

Raising an eyebrow, Abby paused for a moment, then nodded. “Okay, what else do you have?”

“Even though you said you wanted a plain wall, I thought a big expanse of white stucco could look awfully harsh. So I added this nice ceramic tile cap. Every ten feet, I put in a window of four glass blocks,” she noted. “That way the kids and the dogs can see each other, but not touch each other. I thought it would look best to have the same ceramic tiles as the cap bracket the glass blocks, just to finish it off.”

Abby was staring at the design, studying it intently. “Well, first off, let me compliment you on the drawing. It’s so lifelike, I could believe it was a photograph.”

Clancy shrugged and said, “I like to draw. I considered art school, but one day I realized that the only things I ever drew were trees and plants. Being a landscape architect allows me to merge all of my interests.” She gave Abby an endearing grin and said, “Well, not all of them — but most of them.”

Abby shook her head thinking, I can’t believe how cute she is. I want to pinch that adorable little cheek!

Clancy cleared her throat and tapped her pencil on the drawing. “What do you think of the design?”

“Inspired,” Abby said. “The details you’ve added prevent it from looking like a big monolith.”

“That’s the idea,” Clancy said, her excitement growing. “You have a lot of property here, and this large a stucco wall could look a little fortress-like.”

Abby shuddered. “That’s the last thing I want. How much would this cost?”

“With all of the details, this would run you about $20,000 if you don’t go crazy on the tiles.” She held her breath, hoping that the price wasn’t more than Abby was willing to spend.

“Are you quite sure of that, Clancy?” the older woman asked, gazing into the architect’s eyes with a curious look on her face.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit! I’ve already got it pared down to the point where I’ll be lucky to break even! “Uhm … yeah, I’m pretty sure … but I could look at it again and see if I can get the price down …”

Abby held up a hand to stop her. “Either you’re seriously underbidding, or the other architect I consulted was very overpriced. He gave me a quote of $25,000 — and that was for plain stucco — unpainted,” she added.

Clancy’s face flushed, and she felt herself searching for words. “I … I …”

“Clancy,” Abby said, her voice low and quiet, “how much profit did you factor into your quote?”

Why do I insist on telling this woman the truth? “I wasn’t gonna make much on the job,” she admitted. Looking into Abby’s eyes, she told her everything. “Making a profit isn’t the most important thing to me on this job. Doing such good work that you’ll tell all of your friends about me is what matters. I need more jobs like this, Abby, and I hope that you'll help me get them.”

Abby nodded briefly, accepting the explanation for the moment. “Show me what else you have hidden there.”

With a definite gleam in her eyes, Clancy pulled out the next design. “This one occurred to me when I spent some time considering the entire property. You didn’t happen to notice me hanging out by the gate earlier in the week, did you?” she asked, grinning charmingly.

“No, but I’m miffed that you didn’t tell me you were coming. I would've loved to have had lunch with you again.”

“It was about 6:00 a.m., Abby. I wanted to see your yard when the dew was still on the grass. That’s my favorite time of day, and it's when everything looks the softest.”

“Something else we have in common,” Abby said. “I usually sit on the back patio in the morning. Listening to the birds perks up my whole day.”

Clancy realized she was giving the woman a very goofy grin, and she forced herself to get back to business. “I really like this design, but it’s a much more expensive option.” She turned the drawing around, pointing out the neat river rock pattern. “This mirrors the columns you have coming up the front stairs, and the short wall in the front yard,” she said. “It ties the entire property together — and softens the line of demarcation between the front and the back.”

“Nice,” Abby said, trailing the tip of her finger lightly over the various elements of the drawing. “Very nice,” she added, when she met Clancy’s sparkling gray eyes.

“This one will almost double the price,” Clancy added, wincing a little as she made the statement.

Abby nodded and grasped the edge of the paper, lifting it just an inch. “I see more under there. If you’re saving it for last, it must be your favorite.”

“This is a pipe dream,” Clancy said, “but I couldn’t resist drawing it. I was thinking about what you said about the kids and how the dogs went a little nuts with them. Then I figured that the noise of the kids alone might be more than you wanted to hear.”

“I’ve tried to keep my ‘Old Lady Graham’ image well-hidden,” Abby admitted, “but there're times I want to stand on the back patio and scream, ‘SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE MONSTERS!’”

Clancy laughed at the image of the elegant, refined woman doing just that. “Would you have a rolling pin in your hand?”

“Or a broom,” Abby decided, joining in with her laugh.

“Well, this last idea would drown out the sounds of the pitter patter of little feet,” Clancy said. She unveiled the drawing, smiling when she heard a delighted purr come from Abby’s lips.

“Oh, Clancy,” she moaned, “this is fabulous.” In the drawing, the river rock wall gave way to a number of large boulders piled atop one another. The boulders eventually leveled out to create a small pool about halfway down the hill. The overflow from the small pond cascaded down the rest of the way to pour into the swimming pool. Abby found herself mesmerized by the drawing, her eyes lingering on the stream of blue water that splashed into the pool, creating a series of ripples that skimmed across the glassy surface. “I’ve always wanted to live by the water,” she sighed. “It never dawned on me that I could have the water come to me.” She made eye contact with the young woman and said, “This is the one I want. How much will it cost me?”

Clancy swallowed and said, “The absolute best I can do is $75,000.”

Abby nodded, her lower lip sticking out for a moment. “How long will it take you?”

“Hard to say. Probably most of the summer. I wouldn’t count on much privacy this season.”

“I wouldn’t mind that, but I know that Hayley, my daughter, is planning on lying by the pool all summer. I hate to take that away from her.”

“Well, if you’re not in a hurry, we could really take our time,” Clancy said. “We could wait until we had all of the boulders picked out and make sure we were ready to go before we broke ground.”

“That could work,” Abby said. “I could clear out a space on the side of the house, and we could store everything there. Then we could start work closer to the end of the summer.”

“That'd be great for me,” Clancy said. “I’m much busier in the summer than I am in the fall.”

Abby fixed her with her steady gaze again and asked, “How much profit for you in this job?”

“None,” she mumbled, staring down at the table.

“We have a deal,” Abby said, “as long as you add in your usual fee for your services.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Abby said. “I want you to be personally involved, and you won’t be able to do that if you’re scrounging for cash. I promise I’ll give you as many recommendations as you can handle, but I won’t be able to live with myself if you’re out there working for nothing. That’s my final offer.”

Clancy let out a very relieved breath and extended her hand. With a smile as wide as her lips could handle, she said, “You’ve got a deal.”

CHAPTER TWO

Even though they weren't going to break ground for at least three months, Abby wanted to get moving on the project immediately. She and Clancy spent three more afternoons together, plotting out details, and after they had gone over everything for the fifth time, Abby sighed and said, “We’re going to have to redo the pool deck. With the rustic look of the stones, the smooth concrete doesn’t cut it. I think we need to finish it with large, flat stones that'll mirror the wall.” Clancy gave her a worried look, but Abby shrugged it off. “I was going to re-do it next year anyway."

Clancy dragged the toe of her boot along the weathered concrete. "How long have you had this surface?"

"Since we put the pool in. That's been … gosh, I guess it's been ten years."

"Really? You were pretty forward thinking to put in such a naturally shaped pool ten years ago. Quite a trend setter there, Ms. Graham."

"That's me," she said. "Actually, we had a forward-thinking pool designer. I'm glad we went with this look, though, especially now that we're going to have such a natural look with the wall."

Clancy looked up at the hill and squinted a little bit, her expression pensive. "It's gonna look great when the waterfall is finished. It'll look like a natural spring flowing down that hill and splashing into a cold blue pool."

"You can see it, can't you?" Abby asked.

The architect looked a little sheepish, then nodded. "Yeah, I can. Once I draw something – I can see it. I'm just waiting for the details to be filled in."

She was smiling so enthusiastically that Abby was caught up in her mood. "I can't wait to see it, too. When do we pick the materials for the deck?"

Clancy held up a hand. "Whoa! I don't do pools.”

"Oh," Abby said, looking abashed. "Do you know someone who can do it?"

“Yeah, the same guy who's going to do the waterfall. My dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yep. I'm sub-contracting the plumbing for the waterfall to my dad. He can do the pool deck, too."

"Nepotism?" Abby asked, her tone teasing.

"Yeah, but only because he does great work and I'm sure you'll like him.”

“I’m sure I will,” Abby said, smiling at the earnest young woman. “Could you have him work up a quote for me?”

Clancy reached into her notebook. “I already did. I had a feeling you might want to do this.”

Abby shook her head, immeasurably pleased by the young woman’s thoroughness. “This looks fine,” she said. “Let’s add it to the job.”

“You’re gonna keep the whole family busy this fall,” the younger woman said. “Do you need a good florist?”

“You know, I just might. You’d better give me your mom’s card.”

***

They spent the following Friday driving out to Irwindale to take their first look at boulders. Neither woman was impressed with the selection, so Clancy decided they’d have to head further out to find what they needed. It was a warm, smoggy afternoon, and the air conditioning in the truck was cranked as high as it could go. “Do you have anything else scheduled for today?” Abby asked.

Clancy spared a look at the clock on the dash and said, “Nothing major. I assumed we’d be here all afternoon.”

“How about this evening?” Abby persisted. “Are you free for dinner?”

“Dinner?” the younger woman asked, looking a little blank. “You want to have dinner?”

Abby looked rather disconcerted and said, “It’s no big deal. I thought –”

“I’d love to,” Clancy interrupted. “I don’t have many clients who treat me like a real person — who eats.”

“You seem like a very real person,” Abby assured her. “And I’d really like to pick your brain if you don’t mind.”

“About?”

“Well …” Abby hemmed a little and finally looked at the younger woman. “Would you be averse to talking about … sex?”

***

Clancy was only too happy to talk about sex — but she was sorely disappointed when she learned that Abby wanted to talk about her daughter’s sex life. Still, she was very pleased that Abby trusted her enough to think of her as a confidant, rather than an employee.

They stopped at the local gourmet grocery store in South Pasadena and walked around the expansive place, trying to decide what to have. Abby insisted on buying the food, but she let Clancy purchase a nice, fruity zinfandel which she suggested would go well with the swordfish they had selected.

Back at the house, Abby fired up the grill while Clancy opened the wine and set it to chill. Then they sat on the shaded patio under the bougainvillea-covered pergola. Clancy had worked hard all week, and she felt a little stress leave her body now that the workweek was over. “Tell me about your daughter.”

Abby smiled the warm, love-filled smile always present when she spoke of her children. “She’s a delightful girl,” she began, “and we’ve always been close. She didn’t go through any of that adolescent rebellion that most girls torture their parents with.”

Clancy grinned and said, “Don’t remind my mom. She’s still mad at me for things I did fifteen years ago.”

Abby cast a doubtful glance at the young woman and said, “She’s angry about things you did when you were, what — eight?”

“I know I look like I’m twelve, but I’m going to hit the big ‘three-o’ this December.”

Blinking in surprise, Abby said, “I mean this as a compliment, Clancy, but you could easily pass for twenty.”

“I know, I know. I still get carded.”

“You’ll be glad for that in a few years,” Abby reminded her.

 Waiting a beat, Clancy asked, “How old are you?”

“I just turned forty-five,” she said. At the slight widening of Clancy’s eyes, she said, “I know. I look every day of it.”

“No! Not at all,” Clancy insisted. “You look much younger than that. Your face doesn’t have a line on it. I thought you were around forty, but that's only because you told me you had a daughter in college.”

"Thanks," Abby said, running a hand through her thick hair. “I think I look my age, but I could look younger if I dyed my hair. Most women start as soon as they see the first speck of gray.” She shrugged and said, “I’m not most women.”

“Our loss,” Clancy said, smiling warmly.

***

It was such a nice night that Abby prevailed upon Clancy to accept a suit and go for a swim. The younger woman agreed and then tried her best not to be too blatant as she kept sneaking looks at her employer. Boy, you might look forty when you’re dressed, but in a swimsuit, that’s a thirty-year-old body.

The pair spent a few minutes slicing through the warm water, then Abby hopped out and poured a glass of wine for each of them, padding back and extending the plastic wine glass to Clancy. “Cheers,” she said, slipping back into the water.

The wine felt lovely going down, and Clancy hung onto the deck by her arms, kicking her legs languidly.

Abby smiled furtively at the dark golden tan that marked Clancy’s arms, contrasted with the relatively pale skin on her shoulders and back. “Willing to give me some advice about Hayley?”

“Sure. What’s the issue?”

“Well, I’m both blessed and cursed because she tells me absolutely everything,” Abby said. “She’s always had the normal supply of boyfriends — none of them very serious. But now that she’s in college, she’s starting to show a bit of a wild streak, and I’m not sure how to react to it.”

“Nose rings? Full-body tattoos?”

“No,” Abby said. “But you could give me advice on the tattoo front.”

“I only have one,” Clancy assured her, sneaking a look at the armband of needlepoint ivy that ringed her bicep.

“It’s nice,” Abby said. “But, no, it’s nothing like that.” She paused for a moment. “She told me that she thinks it’s time to start having sex. I was so flustered that I didn't know how to react.”

Clancy cocked her head. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Abby treaded water slowly as she tried to organize her thoughts. “This is one of the many times I miss my husband. He was so good with Hayley. He knew exactly how to reach her without her thinking he was telling her what to do.”

Clancy listened attentively as Abby continued her tale. “I think I’ve mentioned that Will and I hade two kids. Trevor is finishing up his master's degree in urban planning at M.I.T. Hayley is a freshman at UC Santa Cruz, majoring in something different every time I talk to her. She’s young to be in college. Her sixth birthday was a day or two before school started, so she was the youngest in her class. She’s gifted though, and we allowed her to skip third grade because she was so bored. In retrospect, that might have been a mistake. She’s always tried to be as mature as her classmates — even when she wasn’t. One year doesn’t seem like a lot, but it can be a big difference at some critical ages. I’m afraid that the transition to college might be one of them.”

 “Mmm … that makes sense. I was one of the youngest in my class,  too. I always felt like I had to struggle a little to keep up.”

“Hayley’s a great kid, as I said, but socially, she’s always been a follower,” Abby said. “I’ve done my best to try to build her self-confidence, but it’s been slow to come. I’m afraid that she wants to experiment with sex because everyone else does."

Clancy eyed the older woman for a moment, an uncertain smile playing at her lips. "Isn't that why you did it?"

"No," Abby said, "not at all. I did it because I fell in love."

"Oh. Oh! I get it. You're upset because Hayley hasn’t said she's in love!"

"Exactly," Abby agreed. "She's not even seeing anyone! She's simply decided that she wants to have sex, and she doesn't seem to care who she has it with! That's so unlike her, and that's what worries me."

"Yeah. I see that," Clancy said. "What did you say to her?"

"I don't think I was coherent!" Abby said, starting to laugh. "I made some noises about love and commitment, but she told me that sex wasn't like that anymore. Now it was just another thing to do … like going to a movie or having dinner."

"Wow," Clancy murmured. "It was a big deal the first time I had sex. I guess things could have changed a lot since I was seventeen, but I think it's more likely that Hayley's trying to test you – you know – to see what your reaction is. I did that a lot at seventeen."

"I suppose you could be right," Abby said. "I hope that I can have a more rational talk with her before she grabs the first boy she sees and makes his day. That's not how I want her to experience sex."

"No, I'm sure it's not, but it's hard to have much control when they're out of the house, isn't it?"

"Damn, I wish she were a scientific prodigy. Then she would have wanted to go to Cal Tech, and I'd be able to watch her every move."

"I lived at home when I started having sex, Abby, and I'm sure my parents didn't know."

"Another theory down the drain," the older woman said, slipping beneath the water’s surface.

***

“Where are you off to today?” Michael asked. Clancy’d gotten dressed and ready to go at 7:00 a.m. and was now anxiously looking out the window.

“Abby and I have an appointment to look at some rocks way the hell out in the City of Industry. She wanted to drive, so she’s gonna come pick me up.”

“She’s not one of those old ladies who gets into the fast lane to go thirty-five is she?”

“You know …” Clancy gazed at her long-time friend, “for that I’m going to make you stay until she gets here. I want you to take a gander at this old lady.”

“Happy to,” he said. “Now that I know she’s straight, I can size her up for sugar mama potential.”

“Oh, charming,” Clancy said.

Abby’s knock interrupted their banter. “Ready to go?” she asked brightly when Clancy opened the door.

“Sure am, but come in and meet my roommate first.”

Abby came into the room, and Michael quickly sized her up. He was a much better judge of age than Clancy was, since he was a hairstylist and made his living trying to help women at every stage of life look their best. Hmm … I can’t fault Clancy for her choice this time. This one is a knockout! If I could get rid of that gray, she could pass for thirty or thirty-five.

“Michael Hamlin,” he said, extending his hand. “Clancy’s been raving about your project for weeks now. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Abby Graham. It’s very nice to meet you, Michael. You’ll have to come to the party we’re going to have when we’re finished.”

“I'd love to. I never get to see Clancy's finished projects.” He ran a hand through Clancy’s close-cropped hair and said, “Don’t forget, I’m gonna give you a shoe shine tonight.”

When they walked down the narrow sidewalk to Abby’s car, the older woman asked, “You make dates to have your friend shine your shoes?”

“Oh!” Clancy laughed heartily at the image of Michael taking a brush to her worn boots. “That’s what he does to my hair,” she said. “Michael’s a hair stylist."

Abby glanced at the coloring she’d grown to appreciate. “Why on earth do you call it shoe shining?”

“Well, he puts a thick peroxide solution onto a long piece of cardboard and then kinda buffs my head with it. It actually looks a little like he’s giving me a shoe-shine — on my head, of course.”

Abby gave her a long look and said, “You know, it’s a little extreme for someone my age — but I really like it on you. It gives you a certain je ne sais quoi. Blonde works really well with your skin tone.”

“Thanks. But don’t get any ideas. You should stay like you are. I think the silver in your hair is absolutely fantastic.”

“Do you really?” Abby asked, sounding uncharacteristically tentative.

“Oh, yeah! It looks great against your tanned skin, and it’s perfect with your eyes. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Abby snuck a glance at herself in the rear-view mirror when they got into the car. I don’t think I will.

***

After a quick stop for coffee and scones, they set off. Clancy hadn’t been sure what to expect, but the car Abby drove caught her a little by surprise. “How long have you had this beauty?”

Abby patted the dashboard of her brand-new, bright-red Lexus convertible. “I admit it,” she said. “It was a mid-life crisis birthday gift. I’ve been feeling so stuck lately that I thought it might perk me up. I guess I was also trying to lure men by shamelessly exploiting one of their known weaknesses.”

“It’s a gorgeous car,” Clancy agreed. “Has your plan worked?”

Abby sported a wry grin. “Not really. I’m still striking out with regularity.”

Leaning back against the door in the small interior, Clancy let out a light chuckle. “I can believe a lot of things, Abby, but I can’t believe that you don’t have your pick of men.”

Abby’s tanned skin flushed a little at the unexpected compliment. “I wish I were lying.” She spared a moment to look at her friend, and Clancy could see how discouraged she seemed. “I thought I felt old when I found myself a widow the same week I turned forty. But that was nothing compared to how it feels to be unable to get a second date with a decent man.”

Bridging the distance between their seats, Clancy placed her hand on Abby’s shoulder. “You’re serious.”

“Yes, I’m completely serious,” she said. “It’s something that I’d never considered, Clancy. I mean, I don’t think I’m among the world’s most beautiful women, but I’ll admit to coasting through my youth on my looks. I was always popular with boys, and I fended off more men than you would believe when Will and I were first together.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Clancy said. "And don't be too quick to take yourself out of the running for the world's most beautiful women, either."

Abby gave her a quick look, then laughed softly. "You catch me by surprise, Ms. O'Connor. I'm never quite prepared for some of your comments."

"I’m telling it like I see it."

“Well." Abby was a little embarrassed by the compliment, and she quickly glossed over it. "I guess it didn’t occur to me that my success with men would evaporate. I mean — in many ways, I’m a better catch than I was when I was thirty, but that doesn’t seem to matter.” She blew out a frustrated breath. “Every one of my friends has already introduced me to her ‘A’ list of eligible men. I’d guess that I’ve been on twenty dates in the past year. There wasn’t one man – who I liked – who has called me for a second date.”

“But … why?”

“My best friend finally told me the truth last night. A week ago, I went out with her favorite bachelor, and we seemed to hit it off. He didn’t call — so I finally cornered her and insisted that she tell me what was going on.” She gave Clancy a sad look and said, “Ellen admitted that Jeff told her he couldn’t date someone who looked as old as he did.”

“But you don’t look old!” Clancy said. “You don’t have a wrinkle on your entire face! And you act so young and vibrant! Jesus, Abby, you’re such a catch, a guy would have to be insane not to want to go out with you!”

Abby patted her friend on the leg. “You’re very good for my ego. Can I hire you to call me once a day and cheer me up?”

“No, but I’ll do it for free,” Clancy said, beaming at her.

“I really don’t blame the men,” Abby said. “Our culture worships youth. These are professional, power broker guys, and that quest for the best extends to women. Why choose a forty-five-year-old if you can get a twenty-five or thirty-year-old? It’s the survival of the fittest in the dating game, Clancy.”

“Sure it is,” the younger woman agreed, “but everyone has a different notion about what qualities he finds most desirable. You haven't met a guy who’s looking for quality. God, I don’t like to date twenty-five-year-old women, and I’m not even thirty. I like a woman who has some depth, some experience.”

“Mmm,” Abby murmured. “I wish your philosophy would rub off on the men I’ve been dating. I’m afraid I’m going to have to start despoiling retirement homes.”

Clancy’s choking sounds were half laugh and half scone.

***

They drove along in silence for a while, both women lost in their thoughts. Clancy finally broke the silence when she asked, “Are you sure you’re ready to start dating? Maybe you’re not giving off the right vibes.”

“Meaning?” Abby asked.

“Well, I don’t mean to pry, but are you still grieving for your husband?”

Abby nodded slightly. “In a way, yes. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing Will. But I honestly think I’m ready to love again.”

“I thought that you might not be showing that you’re into dating yet,” Clancy said. “’Cause if you really acted interested, a quality guy wouldn’t notice your hair color. Not every man wants a trophy.”

“Hmm … you might be onto something. I have been down lately, and maybe that comes through.”

“Why are you down?” Clancy asked, barely stopping herself from stroking Abby’s thigh to soothe her.

Abby's hands gripped the wheel a little tighter, and Clancy could see a well-defined muscle flex in her forearm. “I’m feeling like I might never get another chance at love. I have friends — good friends. They keep me interested and involved in life. My kids make me very happy, and they visit as often as they can. But I miss the closeness that you can only find with a lover. I miss the intimacy … I miss being held at night ... and of course, I miss sex. But most of all, I miss head rubs.” She sighed wistfully. “Will always stayed up later than I did, and most nights, he would read for a while. He always rubbed my head.” She felt slightly embarrassed to reveal this small intimacy, but she forced herself to continue. “I don’t know why, but that’s the thing I miss the most. That slow, rhythmic head rub put me to sleep most nights for twenty years.” Giving Clancy a quick glance, she allowed the pain to show fully in her expressive eyes. “How do you get over losing that?”

“I don’t know,” Clancy murmured, a little overcome by the desolation she saw in her friend’s gaze. “Maybe you don’t, Abby, but that’s no reason not to try again. There has to be someone out there who can give a woman a nice, soothing head rub.”

Abby gave her a resigned smile and said, “Thank God Will left me with enough money to live well. I could always hire someone to rub my head. Lord knows there are stranger job descriptions out there.”

“You’ll find someone,” Clancy insisted. “Someone who can soothe all of your stress away with the touch of his hand. I’m sure of it, Abby.”

“You’re going to have to have enough confidence for both of us,” Abby said. “Mine's just about shot.”

“I can do that,” Clancy assured her. “I’m all about confidence.”

***

This boulder-hunting trip had been even less successful than the last, and on the way home, Clancy delivered the bad news. “We’re gonna have to get more creative with the boulders. I think we’re unhappy with them because the ones we’ve seen are so round and smooth. They almost look manufactured.”

“That’s it exactly,” Abby agreed. “They look more like concrete than stone.”

“I don’t think we’re gonna find anything in Southern California; we’re gonna have to go to the source. How do you feel about a road trip?”

“Road trip, huh?” Abby said with a grin crinkling her mouth. “That might be the ticket for chasing the blues away.  Let me know when and where.”

***

“You know,” Abby said as they made their way back to the freeway, “I find that I talk about myself constantly when we’re together. But I really don’t know much about you. Tell me about the important milestones in your life.”

“Okay. What do you want to know?”

“Tell me your coming out story,” Abby said.

Clancy laughed. "You know the lingo, don't ya?

“Oh, my God, was I being too forward? I only wanted –”

“Abby, I’m teasing. Really. That’s the kind of thing that lesbians usually get out of the way the first time they meet, and I think it’s cool that you’re not afraid to ask.”

“I feel very comfortable with you, Clancy, and I’m interested in learning more about you. For most of my gay friends, coming out has been a very big deal.”

 I think that’s true for many people,” Clancy agreed. “But it wasn’t for me. I realized I was gay when I was in high school, but the only person I told was Michael.”

“You’ve known him that long?”

“Oh, yeah. We met when we were freshmen in high school. He’s been my best buddy ever since. Anyway, I knew in high school, but I didn’t have anyone to practice with. Near as I could tell, I was the only lesbian in the entire school.”

“Oh, you poor thing!”

“It was hard, as a matter of fact, but I met someone when I was working with my dad, and we had a fairly brief, but very intense affair. It was a decent way to come out.”

“You worked with your father?”

“Yeah. My parents didn’t have the money to send me to college, and I didn’t wanna be stuck with student loans my whole life, so I worked for my dad for four years. It was hard work, but I learned a lot, and it helped me decide that I couldn’t stand to work at a trade. Being a woman in construction is a constant struggle,” she said. “It’s so much easier now that I’m the person who hires and fires.”

“I can imagine,” Abby said. “So — have you had the great love of your life yet?”

“God, I hope not! I’ve dated some nice people, slept with a few, liked a few of them well enough. But I’ve never felt the way I want to feel about a woman.”

“How’s that?” Abby asked.

“Like we help to complete each other,” Clancy decided. “Like we’re better together than we would be apart.”

“I had that with Will,” Abby said softly. “It’s worth whatever you have to do to find it.”

“That goes for both of us,” Clancy told her. “I need to experience it for the first time, and you need to experience it again.”

“No arguments.” She looked at Clancy. “How did your parents take the news that you were gay?”

“It was hard for my mom,” she said thoughtfully. “Very hard, as a matter of fact. Our relationship didn’t suffer, but she struggled for years to be even moderately comfortable with it. She’s fine with it now, I think. I mean, it’s not something we discuss very much, but she seems to want me to find a partner.”

“What about your dad?” Abby asked,

Grinning, Clancy said, “My dad’s one of those guys who thinks his kid can do no wrong. I really can’t imagine him giving me a hard time about anything. He’s very cool with it. We even check out girls together.”

“It must be nice to know that your father will support you, no matter what. I don’t think my kids feel that way about me,” Abby mused. “But I’d have to say that Will was like that — particularly with Hayley. It was so hard for her to lose her daddy.”

Clancy gave her a looked filled with empathy, and said, “If she felt anything like I do about my dad, I can’t imagine how hard it was for her. My dad’s like my North Star — he’s a constant guiding presence in my life.”

Abby wiped away the tears that had started to fall and murmured, “She was thirteen when Will died. I thank God every day that we’ve only gotten closer because of his death.”

“What did he die of, Abby? Was it sudden?”

She nodded and shifted in her seat. Clancy saw her swallow. “I kissed him goodbye at 8:00 a.m. on April 29th. He was pronounced dead at 9:00.” She met Clancy’s gaze and added, “Massive coronary.”

“Did he have a history of heart trouble?”

“No. He was in fantastic shape. He’d been an athlete his whole life, had low cholesterol, a very low pulse. He was mister health food,” she said, some of the inflection coming back to her voice. “But he had a congenital heart defect that hadn't been detected during his medical exams. It could have been fixed if they had known about it — but they didn’t,” she finished quietly.

Clancy gave her friend a quick look to make sure she was okay to continue to talk about the issue. Abby looked composed and open, so she said, “I’ve always wondered what would be worse — to lose someone quickly or to have to see someone die slowly. My grandfather died a slow, lingering, painful death, and it was really awful to watch him fade away.”

Abby gave her a look and shook her head. “I don’t know which would be worse, to be honest. I’ve done it the quick way, and I’ve gotta tell you, it sucks, too.”

***

They were close to home when Clancy said, “Let’s not let this day be a waste. Wanna have lunch together?”

“Sure.” Abby smiled. “Where would you like to go?”

“Let’s stop somewhere and pick up some salads or sandwiches. I wanna dine alfresco.”

***

After picking up a pair of fruit salads, they went to Clancy’s favorite outdoor dining spot. “I hate to admit this,” Abby said, “but I honestly don’t remember the last time I visited Descanso Gardens. This was a great idea.”

“Well, we’re both plant junkies,” Clancy reminded her. “What better place to soothe the soul a little bit?”

They found an empty picnic table and sat down to enjoy their meal. “I brought my children here when they were small,” Abby recalled. “They always liked the tulips for some reason.”

“Oh, I do, too,” Clancy said. “I was up here at least four times in February. I guess I like them because so few people around here bother to put them into their landscapes.”

“I usually put in a couple of hundred — running them down both sides of the drive,” Abby said. “But I didn’t do it this year. I let a lot of things slide once Hayley left for school.”

“You don’t seem to have let many things slide,” Clancy said. “Your schedule is busier than mine, and you don’t have a full-time job.”

“I need to stay busy. I play golf three times a week, tennis twice, and I’m very involved in a few charities. My hobbies are what've kept me sane. The sports keep the adrenaline pumping, and the charity work helps remind me of how wonderful my life really is.”

“Tell me about your charities,” the younger woman said.

“Well, I have a few that I’m passionate about, but lately, one is taking up all of my time. I’m in charge of the entertainment for the Children Living With Cancer Carnival. It’s our major fundraiser for the year, and every year it becomes a bigger production.”

“I’ve heard about the carnival,” Clancy said. “Isn’t that the one all the Hollywood celebrities go to?”

“That’s the one,” Abby said. “Luckily, I’m not on the committee that secures the ‘talent’ to participate. I do the nitty-gritty work. Getting the booths set up, hiring the food concessionaires, the clowns and jugglers and face painters. It’s very unglamorous, but I enjoy it.”

“When is the carnival?” Clancy asked.

“It’s next Sunday, and I’m getting to the panic stage.”

“Need an assistant? I’m very good at following directions.”

Abby looked at her friend for a moment. “Are you serious?”

“Completely. I know that a million things can go wrong at a big event. I’d love to help out.”

“I'd be thrilled to have the help,” Abby said. “It’s incredibly generous of you to offer.”

Making a dismissive gesture, the younger woman said, “No big deal. I’m guessing that Saturday is the worst day for you, right?”

“Yeah. Set-up is the worst. Something always goes wrong.”

“I’m your woman,” Clancy said. “What time do we start?”

***

Saturday morning quickly turned into Saturday afternoon, and the vendor who’d been hired to set up the booths was nowhere to be found. Abby had been calling and paging the company frantically, but they were obviously ignoring her calls. Clancy got on the phone and tried to find another vendor, but they both knew the chances of finding someone to put up fifty booths on a moment’s notice was nil. Finally, at nearly three o’clock, the truck arrived. The vendor had sent only four men, and from Clancy’s experienced perspective, it seemed he'd picked up the first four guys he’d seen hanging out on the corner of one of the home centers, looking for day labor.

Taking a look at Abby, who was nearly faint with worry, Clancy said, “Leave this to me. By the end of the day, the booths will all be up.”

“But, Clancy –!”

“I know what I’m doing, Abby. There must be a million things you have to do. I suggest you get to them and let the master work.” She gave her friend a very confident, very engaging smile, and the older woman immediately felt some of her anxiety fade.

“Are you sure you can do this, Clancy? I don’t want to doubt you, but without those booths — we’re in deep trouble.”

“I give you my word,” the younger woman said, gazing directly into Abby’s eyes.

“That’s good enough for me,” Abby said, impulsively giving Clancy a hug. “I’ll stay out of your way.”

You can stay right here if you’ll throw in a few more of those hugs, the landscaper thought wistfully, before she focused her attention on the massive job that lay before her.

***

Luckily, the lighting crew had finished by the time night fell, and the portable towers provided plenty of light for the construction crew to continue working into the night. At eleven o’clock, Abby found Clancy perched upon a sturdy, yellow ladder that read “O’Connor Landscaping.” “Hi,” the older woman said, trying to stifle a yawn. “I bet you haven’t had a thing to eat, have you?”

“Nope.” Clancy smiled down at her. “But I’m on number forty-nine. When I hit fifty, I’m gonna be at MacDonald’s faster than you can say ‘Big Mac.'”

Abby looked behind the architect and saw a large generator, then noticed that Clancy was using a nail gun. “Did you bring those things with you?” she asked.

“No. I called my guys and had them bring some tools up. I sent those useless idiots from the booth company home. Make sure you deduct a substantial amount from the bill.”

“Clancy! You brought your crew up here?”

“Sure. They know what they’re doing, and they’re trustworthy. Why not?”

“Damn, I don’t know what I would have done without you,” the older woman said. “No one on my committee has any experience with this type of thing.”

“Well, we’re about done, so find your wallet. You owe me dinner, Ms. Graham, and I’m gonna hold out for the super size!”

***

Abby went back to the portable trailer she’d had set up as an on-site office and started to gather her things. By the time she was ready to leave, Clancy was, too. Approaching the architect from behind, Abby saw the young woman reach into her wallet and take out every bill she had. She divided her money up among the men, laughing and speaking quietly. The men all shook her hand and got back into the truck they’d come in, calling out a goodbye as they drove away.

“How much did today cost you?” Abby asked, approaching quietly.

“Oops!” The landscaper turned and shrugged her shoulders. “Not too much. I haven’t been able to spare much for charity until now. But now that I’m making a little more money, I’m happy to make a donation — and give my guys a little extra money for the week.”

“Let me pay you back,” Abby said, “I have a budget for this, Clancy.”

“No, no, I’d really like to do this for the organization. They do good work.”

“Are you sure?” the older woman asked. “I’ve imposed on you so much already.”

“You haven’t imposed on me one bit,” Clancy insisted. “I did this because I wanted to. I feel good about it,” she said, looking around at the perfectly constructed booths.

Abby sidled up and put her arm around the blonde’s shoulders, looking around with her. “I’ve always maintained that you get so much more than you give when you help others.”

“I agree completely,” Clancy said. “Now, let’s get out of here so you can have the satisfaction of buying me dinner.”

“It’s a deal. But friends don’t let friends eat fast food. We’ll go someplace where we can use utensils and cloth napkins.”

“You’re teaching me a whole new way of life.” She grinned charmingly and said, “I think I like it.”

***

The event was over at six o’clock on Sunday night, and by the time the last guest had gone, both Abby and Clancy were ready for bed. The younger woman stood up and stretched, almost able to touch the ceiling of the small trailer. “Well, I guess it’s time to start dismantling everything, huh?”

“God, no! We have a crew to take care of the organization’s things, and the vendors are each responsible for their own takedown. They’ll all send crews tomorrow. I’ll come up to supervise, but it usually goes smoothly.”

“We’re really done for the day?” Clancy asked, her body aching from constant activity.

“Yep. Well, as soon as we have dinner, that is. How about a big pizza, a cold beer, and a hot tub?”

“That’s a lesbian dream date!” Clancy said, laughing heartily.

“Then grab your things,” Abby said. “’Cause you’ve got a date.”

I wish I did, Clancy thought, her crush on the older woman growing stronger with each passing day.

CHAPTER THREE

Early on a Monday morning, Abby double-knotted the laces on her running shoes, then grabbed the retractable leash and called to the dogs, “Walkies, walkies!”  The pair came scampering through the house and slid across the entry floor to come to rest right in front of their mistress.  “I’ll never know how you manage that,” she mused aloud.  She usually used two leashes, to allow the dogs to examine separate scent trails, but when she ran, it worked much better to attach both of them to a coupler and a single leash.  They were forced to stay together, but neither of them seemed to mind so long as they were with their favorite person.

The previous day’s weather report had influenced Abby's decision to get the girls their exercise early in the morning. They didn’t like the heat, and she was loath for any of them to exercise in smog. They started off, heading for the Rose Bowl — which the dogs loved since it was a popular place for pooches to gather, giving them many sniffing opportunities.

Abby liked to run, but when she was being serious about it, she wanted to run fast and without interruption.  She and Will used to go for a long run after dinner, when the air was cleaner and the cool breeze finally made its way from the ocean into the San Gabriel Valley.  An evening jog would still be her preference, but she found that she was more cautious since Will had died — less confident of being out alone after dark.  Part of her reason for getting the dogs was to give herself a little protection when she ran, and, in some ways, her plan had worked.  The dogs were big enough — about fifty pounds each — to look like they could protect her.  Strangers didn’t need to know that the pair would run and hide the second they perceived a threat.  But her one hundred pounds of canine muscle stopped and sniffed more than they ran, so she got her aerobic exercise in other ways — and made the morning run a time for the dogs to enjoy themselves.

They were about halfway to the Rose Bowl when she heard a familiar voice calling out to her.  “Will you three slow down?”

She did, lengthening her stride and slowing her pace.  Her friend Ellen Chenoweth finally came up alongside her, and the dogs immediately started to frantically lick the salt and sweat from her bare legs.  The woman gazed at the pair fondly and petted each dark head.  “It’s a little odd,” she said, “but there’s something nice about having another living creature act like you’re the most delicious taste treat in the world.”

“You mean Neil doesn’t do the same?”

Ellen laughed and fell into place beside Abby as they started off again.  “We’re about twenty-five years past that ‘even your sweat tastes good’ period.”

Neil and Will had been law partners, and the foursome had been friends since before Will and Abby were married.  The Chenoweths lived just three blocks away, and their two sons had been fixtures in the Graham home when Abby’s son, Trevor, was in school. “When are the boys coming home?” Abby asked.  “Trevor won't be home long, but I know he’d like to see them.”

“I’m still not sure what their plans are,” Ellen said.  “All I know is that they’ll delay buying plane tickets until they have to pay full-fare.”

Abby shook her head and laughed, knowing that her friend's observation would prove to be accurate.  “Kids are always a challenge, aren’t they?”

“They are indeed.  So, what’s up with your two?

“Hayley gets home before Trev, since he's going to spend some time with my parents. She doesn't have any plans – other than staying out late and lying by the pool, of course.”

Ellen managed a quick glance at her friend and asked, "Does it bother her that Trevor’s found such a wonderful summer project? I mean, going to Venice to work with an international committee of urban planners is a very big deal!"

Abby smiled, "I know it and you know it, but Hayley still thinks of him as a much older person. If he figures out how to make Venice the leading city in Italy, she won't be surprised or jealous.”

Ellen laughed, wishing her sons could be happy for the other's success. They ran in silence for a few minutes, all four of them managing to keep a steady pace. But Ellen’s thoughts kept returning to Trevor. Finally, she commented, "I was just thinking about how proud Will would have been of Trev.”

“I know,” Abby agreed.  “I think about that every day. I wish he were here to see what a fine young man we've raised.”

“Trevor's always been a gem,” Ellen reminded her.  “Will wouldn't be surprised. But you’ve done such a great job with both of the kids, Abby.  I know it hasn’t been easy for you.”

“No, it’s never easy raising kids, and doing it alone for the past five years has been hard.  But it’s paying off, Ellen.  I’m confident that both of the kids have gotten through the worst part of their grief.  I think I’m about ready to sit on the sidelines and let them care for their aged mom.”

Ellen gave her friend a wry grin and tossed off a challenge.  “Race you to the rose garden!”  She took off at a sprint, and smirked to herself when Abby and the dogs went flying by her — the competitive spirit never far beneath the surface of Abby’s calm demeanor.  “Aged my ass!” she called to the fleet form.

***

Late that afternoon, Clancy was sitting at Abby’s kitchen table, the pair going over the plans for the permanent plants that would bracket the new stream. They’d been working for over an hour and were just about to wrap up, when Clancy’s cell phone rang. “Do you mind?” she asked Abby before she answered.

“No, please do.”

Clancy pressed the talk button. “Hello.”

“Hey, Clance, it’s Michael. How mad would you be if I canceled for tonight?”

“How mad would I be? Let’s see … this is my favorite activity of the whole week, and if you don’t go, I won’t go alone. So … I’d say that I wouldn’t be mad, but I’d be disappointed. Why? What’s up?”

 “Oh, it’s no big deal. One of the girls at work wants me to go on a double date with her and her boyfriend and a friend of theirs. I’ll just tell her I can’t make it. No biggie.”

“Level with me, Michael. What do you want to do?”

“Well, I like going dancing with you, but this girl is supposed to be really hot, and …”

“Go ahead and go,” Clancy said, chuckling. “You haven’t been out in weeks. You’re gonna forget you’re straight.”

“No chance of that, blondie-blonde. Sure you don’t mind? I hate to disappoint you.”

“You don’t do it very often, Mickey. It's okay.”

“Cool. I’ll tell you all about it later tonight or, even better, tomorrow if I get lucky.”

“Have fun, bud. Talk to you later.”

She put her phone back on her belt, smiling to herself.

“Michael?” Abby asked.

“Yeah. We go dancing on Monday nights, but he has a chance to go out on a real date, so I excused him.”

“Dancing?” Abby asked wistfully. “I love to dance. And I’m one of the few women who was lucky enough to marry a man who loved to dance, and he had to go and die on me. Where’s the justice?”

“Actually, we’re only taking lessons. I’m pretty good, but Michael’s a rank beginner.”

“Really? What kind of dancing are we talking about?”

“Country and western,” Clancy said, giving her friend a slightly embarrassed smile.

“Country and western?” Abby asked. “Like square dancing?”

“No, more like line dancing. It’s very 80’s, but a lot of gay people are still into it.” She laughed and said, “Well, a lot of people are into it, gay and straight, but it’s pretty dated here in L.A.”

“It sounds like fun,” Abby said. She paused a moment and said, “Why don’t I go with you?”

“You?”

The younger woman's expression was so incredulous that Abby was a little wounded. “It was just a suggestion …”

“No, no,” Clancy said, seeing the hurt. “I’d love to have you go, but we take the lessons at a gay bar, Abby. Would you be comfortable going to a place like that?”

“Clancy, my best friend in college used to drag me to a leather bar on Sunday afternoons for a beer bust. I’ve probably been to more gay bars than you have.”

Her face beginning to light up, Clancy asked, “Are you sure? I’d love to take you.”

“What do I wear, and when will you pick me up?”

***

Clancy returned to Abby’s at seven o’clock, rang the bell, and almost fainted dead away at the vision that greeted her.

Abby raised her fingers and snapped them in Clancy’s face. “Are you in there?”

“Wha …? Oh! Damn, I zoned out for a minute,” Clancy said, trying to think of an excuse for staring at her friend for so long. “I must be more tired than I thought.”

“Are you sure you want to go?” Abby asked. “We could do this another night.”

“And have you waste this outfit? No way. Besides, I’ll get my second wind once we start dancing.”

“Do I really look all right? I tried to follow your advice and dress so I’ll stay cool, but I haven’t worn this since the last time we went riding, and I’m a little uncomfortable.”

“You look great!” Clancy exclaimed. “Really great. Do you ride locally?”

“Oh, no. Will and I used to take the kids to a ranch in Colorado for a week or so in the summer. We went for almost eight years,” she said. “It was a great way for the family to bond: no TV, no phones, no radio. We loved it.”

“Well, you’ll certainly fit in tonight,” Clancy said.

“You look like a native yourself.” Clancy was wearing black jeans, a lavender tank top, and a pair of dark purple cowboy boots. She carried a cream-colored straw hat in her hand, and she settled it onto her head at Abby’s comment. “Very nice,” the older woman said.

 The architect followed Abby into the house, checking her friend out thoroughly from behind. The taller woman was even taller than normal, wearing scuffed, black boots with decorative bits of metal on the toes. The boots poked out from beneath the hems of a very faded pair of boot-cut jeans that fit her like a second skin, making Abby look more like a working cowgirl than a poseur. But the element that caught and held Clancy’s attention was the thin, sleeveless, chambray shirt, tucked neatly into the jeans. Abby had a tendency to wear rather loose-fitting clothes, and Clancy had never had the opportunity to see all of her curves when she was fully dressed. She’d seen her in her swimsuit, but something about this look was even sexier than that, and Clancy was very, very pleased with the way the evening was shaping up.

They walked into the kitchen, and Abby grabbed a black, felt cowboy hat, brushed off a spot of dust, and bowed graciously to her friend. “Shall we?” she asked, “I’m ready to kick up my heels, pardner.”

***

They arrived at the bar at 7:30, and the crowd was still very light. They each paid the $5 cover, but Clancy insisted on buying the first round. “What’ll it be?” she asked, as they made their way to the bar at the back of the large room.

“What are you having?” Abby asked.

“Whiskey, water back,” Clancy said. “Makes me feel like a cowboy.”

“Make it two,” Abby said, settling the black hat onto the back of her head.

They took their drinks and sat on stools at a small, round table. “It’s not fancy, but it’s pretty comfortable,” Clancy said.

“It’s very nice,” Abby said. “Much nicer than the places I used to go with Steven. This place is friendly, too. I used to get the nastiest looks when I went to some of his favorite spots. In the seventies, most gay men didn’t like to socialize with women.”

“There are still a few places in West Hollywood that are like that,” Clancy said. “But most of the places here in the San Gabriel Valley are just fine.”

Abby looked around and noticed some couples already on the dance floor. “Boy, some of these people are good.”

“Yeah, there’s a group of people who come all the time, and lots of them have been dancing for fifteen or twenty years. I look like I’ve got two left feet compared to most of them, but I still enjoy it.”

“I think this will be fun,” Abby decided. She took her shot of whiskey and drained it in one gulp, then took a sip of water. “Smooth,” she said, grinning and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand just like a cowpoke. “Another?”

“Uhm … sure,” Clancy said, draining her own glass. “I dance much better when I lose some of my inhibitions.”

“I do, too,” Abby agreed. “Although there’s a fine line between losing my inhibitions and losing my mind. You’ll stop me before I start dancing on the bar, won’t you?”

“I’m not sure I’m the one you should rely on,” Clancy said, laughing. “That’s kinda like asking the fox to watch the hen house. Michael always says I’m absolutely fine and then absolutely drunk — with no warning whatsoever.”

“I haven’t been drunk in years,” Abby said. “I’m not even sure I’d recognize the warning signs.”

“I usually know a few people here,” Clancy said, giving her friend a grin. “I’ll ask an unbiased observer to keep an eye on us.”

***

They got through the instruction for the first dance without difficulty — but that was with the music playing at half-speed. As the music picked up, Abby struggled a little, but by watching her more proficient accomplice, they were able to do a fairly decent job. “You’re good,” Abby said, grinning at her friend.

“Thanks. We’ve been doing this since Christmas, and it’s starting to sink in. I can tell you’re a dancer, by the way. You catch on really quick.”

“Years of ballet,” Abby said, rolling her eyes. The instructor let them use the same step for three consecutive songs, and by the last one, they were both doing quite well, even at full speed. The dance was a fairly energetic one, and by the time it was over, they were both panting. “Damn, I need a breather,” Clancy said. “How about another round?”

“Okay, but get me two glasses of water this time,” Abby said. “I’m parched.”

Clancy knew a few people at the crowded bar, and by the time she’d chatted with them and pushed through the growing throng to buy drinks, a good ten minutes had passed. Moving away from the group, she saw that a woman had claimed her stool and was sitting very close to Abby. Striding over to the pair, Clancy set the drinks down, giving the woman occupying her seat a level stare. “Sorry, but I didn’t bring one for you.”

“I’m not thirsty,” the dark haired, tough-looking woman said, turning her attention back to Abby.

Clancy tapped the woman on the shoulder and said, “You’re in my seat, and you’re chatting up my date. This is a big bar, and there’s a big crowd. Now go find your own seat and your own woman.” Narrowing her eyes, she added, “Now would be a good time.”

“I told you I wasn’t alone,” Abby said, shrugging her shoulders at the interloper.

“She was gone forever,” the woman said, addressing only Abby. “Anyone who leaves a good-looking woman like you alone for that long can’t be too interested.”

Clancy settled her hat on her head, then put her hand around the woman’s bicep and started to squeeze. After just a few seconds, the intruder hopped off the chair, wincing noticeably. “Thanks for being so cooperative,” Clancy said with a fake smile. “Don’t come again now, ya hear?”

As the woman skulked away, rubbing her arm, Clancy tipped her hat back, exposing a bit of blonde hair, and said, “Sometimes a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do.”

Abby had been quietly laughing, and she placed her hand on Clancy’s arm. “That was so much fun!”

Giving her a curious smile, Clancy asked, “Fun? Really? I was afraid that would make you uncomfortable.”

“No, not at all!” Abby insisted. “That’s the most interest anyone’s shown in me in five years! I was just about to leave with her, but I didn’t want to be rude. Mama always said to dance with the one that brung ya.”

The look on Clancy’s face nearly caused Abby to fall on the floor in hysterics. “I’m kidding, Clancy,” she gasped. “Kidding!”

“Jesus Christ,” Clancy said, dropping her head into her hands. “I was sure you were serious!”

“Nah. I prefer blondes,” the older woman teased, taking her drink and throwing her head back to drain it. “Let’s dance!”

***

During their next round of instruction, the women got separated when the dancers formed into long rows to execute the moves. Abby was right in the middle of the first row, and Clancy was near the end of the third. The dance was one of the slowest, sexiest ones that Clancy knew, and she was just about to go up and give the instructor a big kiss for choosing this particular night to feature it.

Watching Abby much more than her own feet, Clancy closely observed her friend as she hooked her thumbs into her belt loops and swayed her hips to the beat, doing a slow, sexy, bump and grind. She had her hat pulled down low, and her gray flecked hair showed just a bit under the black felt, providing a very attractive contrast. With the toe of her boot, Abby drew a long, wide line across the floor, then stomped her boot sharply and executed a full turn. Clancy was so mesmerized that she was the very last person to turn — almost allowing Abby to catch her staring. Good God, she’s got a sweet ass! What in the hell is wrong with the men in this town? There aren’t enough twenty-five-year-old actress-model-whatevers to go around, fellas. Wake up and see the hot women waiting for you, you fools!

***

After another half hour of nonstop dancing, Abby caught Clancy’s eye and nodded towards the bar. They met up at the edge of the dance floor, and Abby loosely draped her arm around her friend. “How about a little whiskey and a lot of water?”

“Let’s do it,” Clancy said. “My turn to buy.”

“Are you sure?” Abby asked. “I thought it was my turn.”

“I have no idea,” Clancy said, chuckling. “But I’ve got ten bucks in my pocket, and it wants to get spent. Have a seat, pardner.”

***

While they were trying to re-hydrate, the instructor thanked everyone for coming and jumped down off the small stage. “Is that it?” Abby asked.

Smiling at the disappointed look on her friend’s face, Clancy said, “You’ve got a hell of a lot of energy stored up there, doncha?”

“This is fun!” Abby said, her excitement obvious. “I really do love to dance, and this is more energetic than most dancing. It’s like taking an exercise class as well as a dance class.”

“Yeah, you can really work up a sweat,” Clancy agreed.

“Are you having fun?” Abby asked, her voice gentling as she gazed into her friend’s eyes.

“I’m having a blast,” Clancy said. “I think I’m gonna give Michael his walking papers and bring you every week.”

“Oh, I don’t want to break up a good partnership,” Abby said, giving Clancy a quick pat. The next song began, and Abby watched the dancers start to move. “Oh! A two-step. Do you know how?”

“Sure do,” Clancy said. “Shall we?”

They made their way to the dance floor, but just as they reached the edge, Abby put her hand on Clancy’s arm. “Uhm … I’ve never danced this way with a woman.”

Looking up at her with a concerned expression, Clancy asked, “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Abby blinked at her, then broke out in a laugh. “No, no, I just wondered how we decide who leads?”

Clancy put her hand on the small of the taller woman’s back and urged her forward. “That’s easy - I lead. I always lead,” she added with a rakish wink.

***

Both women were slightly awkward with each other for a moment as they aligned themselves properly. Even though the two-step position was casual, Clancy felt her heart rate pick up when Abby drew close and lightly gripped the landscaper’s bicep. “Ready?” Clancy asked, her mouth a little dry as she looked up and met the older woman’s eyes.

“Lead me.”

They started to glide around the edge of the floor, with Clancy holding her head up high, leading Abby with a sure, confident style. They moved well together, their thighs brushing lightly during their long, graceful strides. After moving around the floor several times, Clancy raised an eyebrow and asked, “Wanna get wild?”

“Wild is my middle name,” Abby said, chuckling. “Give me your best shot.”

Ooh, would I ever love to, Clancy thought, nearly swooning. “Up for a little change of pace?”

“Yep. What’ll it be?”

“How about a quick, quick, quick, quick, slow?” Clancy asked. “Get your heart pumping a little.”

“Lead the way, pardner.”

Clancy did, and they started to move quickly around the floor, using the far outside of the circle to avoid running into the slower dancers. Ooo, baby, if she can follow my lead this well, I’d love to see her moving under me in bed. I bet she’s fan-fucking-tastic!

“Is that all you’ve got?” Abby asked, taunting her partner.

“Far from it. Know this one?” Clancy moved Abby off the floor to explain the step. The older woman was unfamiliar with it, but she was a good student, and after a few slow run-throughs, they were back at it.

At a slightly slower pace, they moved against each other, lightly trailing their hands over each other’s bellies, then Clancy turned to face in the same direction as Abby, both of them stepping backwards while they held hands. Clancy spun her partner once, then they pivoted away from each other with Abby spinning another one-and-a-half times. They both faced forward, then Clancy spun her again, ending up in their starting positions. “Damn, you’re good,” Abby murmured.

“That’s what all the ladies say,” Clancy said, showing her most winning grin.

“I don’t doubt it,” Abby said, laughing heartily. “I don’t doubt that for one minute.”

***

They danced for so long that both women were completely sober by the time Abby looked at her watch and said, “Good Lord, Clancy, it’s almost midnight! You have to work in the morning.”

“Yeah, I do,” she agreed, “but I’m having so much fun, I don’t care.”

Draping an arm around her shoulders, Abby said, “Well, I care about you. You work hard, and you need your rest. Let’s hit the trail.”

“Oh, all right, but only if you promise to come with me again,” Clancy said.

“I might be here by myself the next time you come,” Abby said. “The dancing’s great, the whiskey’s good, and the girls are sweet on me!”

CHAPTER FOUR

The following Tuesday, Clancy gave her friend a call around mid-morning. “Hi there, it’s Clancy.”

“Oh, I know your voice by now,” Abby said. “You’re the one who always sounds happy.”

“That’s me,” the younger woman admitted. “You told me once that if I was ever in the neighborhood, I should drop by for lunch. Does the offer hold?”

“Of course it does. Can you come today?”

“Yep. I’m going to a nursery in South Pas, so I could stop at the market and pick something up. Will that work for you?”

“Absolutely. I don’t have a thing scheduled until 3:00. Come whenever you can. Oh, and, Clancy? Will you pick out something for the spot where I dug up the spring bulbs? I need some yellows and oranges.”

“You’ve got it,” the landscaper said. “I know the spot you mean.”

“Wow, my life is in great shape,” Abby said. “I know a doctor who makes house calls, and now I have a landscaper who does, too. All I need is a dentist, and I’m set.”

***

When Clancy arrived, she saw that the house was in an unusual state of disarray with CDs, books, and articles of clothing strewn around the kitchen. Suddenly, it hit her and she said, “Hayley’s home, isn’t she?”

“How did you guess?” Abby asked, staring pointedly at the mess. “One day and the house looks like we had an earthquake. But I’m glad to have her, no matter how messy she is.”

They took their lunch outdoors and started to eat, both of them gazing out at the plants for a few minutes. “Have you had a chance to talk to Hayley about her, uhm … dabblings?”

Abby nodded, waiting to speak until she had swallowed a sweet bit of cantaloupe. “I followed your advice and let her talk. She spouted some dogma about how women have to claim their own sexuality. A woman can't wait for a man to make the first move.” Abby rolled her eyes and said, “I bit my tongue, even though I wanted to tell her that I heard that same rhetoric at UCLA when I was her age. It was a load of BS then, and still is.”

“So, you weren’t carried away on the ‘sisterhood is powerful’ bandwagon?” Clancy joked.

Abby gave her a considered look and raised one dark eyebrow. “Has someone been reading her history books?”

Clancy nodded and said, “I was a women’s studies minor in school. I’ve done a lot of reading about the women’s movement.”

“Mmm … I wasn’t in the forefront of the movement, since I was in grade school when it began, but I was, and still am, very much a feminist. The only part of Hayley’s message that I reject is that you can base your sexual response on a political agenda.” She fixed Clancy with an intense gaze and said, “I’ve always thought that was wrong. To me, feminism is about being able to reach your true potential — no matter what it might be.” She shook her head roughly in memory. “I can still recall late nights in my dorm room, smoking grass with one particular woman who was a campus leader. She was one of those people whom everyone is drawn to. Do you know the type?”

“I do.”

“Anyway,” Abby said, “we spent endless nights discussing the issue. Her position was unshakable — you could only really know what true sisterhood was if you experienced what it was like to love another woman physically.” She looked at Clancy with a half-smile, some of her thick hair falling onto her forehead.

The younger woman's heart began to beat more quickly. She'd been part of many discussions like this, all ending with the other woman saying, "I'm a lesbian." Clancy felt like Abby was on the verge of changing the dynamic of their relationship, and she couldn't wait to hear her news. It was tough, but she managed to toss off a comment. “Let me guess,” she said. “She was willing to be your tour guide?”

“That was part of the plan,” Abby said, smirking. “You know, if she hadn’t put the hard sell on me, I might have given lesbianism a try. All of my friends slept with other women at least once. But I hated to be told that I had to do anything — so I turned her down.”

Clancy’s heartbeat slowed and the adrenaline stopped pumping. “Ever regret it?” she asked, hoping against hope.

“No. Not at all,” Abby said. “I’m sure there were many, many people I could have slept with who could have pleased me sexually, but I’ve always been the type who has to be in love to share my body. It’s worked well for me.”

“Are you disappointed in Hayley for experimenting with sex?”

“No, not really,” Abby said thoughtfully. “She’s a very different girl than I was. She started … well, things have changed since I was young. I don't feel comfortable talking about specifics, but she's done more than I had when I was her age. I tried to talk her out of it, because I knew she wasn't mature enough. Regrettably, she admitted later that she didn’t enjoy it much — that the kid wasn’t very concerned with her pleasure.”

“Wow, I can’t imagine talking to my mom about my sexual pleasure,” Clancy muttered.

“Our openness has its benefits,” Abby agreed, “but it’s really hard for me sometimes. I want her to make her own choices in life, but I desperately want to shield her from as much pain as I can. I hope that I can convince her that sex doesn't have to be merely another way to spend an hour – if it even takes that long! I don't want her to believe that crap! Besides, she'll get her heart broken that way.”

Clancy reached across the table and patted Abby, letting her fingers trail across the smooth, cool skin on the back of her hand. “Hearts can mend. They get stronger by healing the little breaks.”

Gazing at Clancy with eyes that conveyed the warmth she felt for her, Abby asked, “Has your heart been broken?”

Shaking her head, Clancy said, “I’ve had a few little nicks taken out of it, but it’s never been fractured. I’m pretty careful with it.”

Abby nodded, having a feeling that her young friend was the sort to guard her heart. “Don’t be too careful, Clancy. You’ve got to risk to love.”

“I think I know that,” the architect said, “but I won’t give my heart away unless I know the woman I choose is deserving of it. It’s the only one I have.”

Giving her hand a return pat, Abby said, “That’s going to be one lucky woman.” She looked at the flat of plants Clancy had placed on the corner of the steps. "And I'm a lucky woman for having a friend with such good taste in plants!"

"Not to mention a trade discount," Clancy said, smiling.

***

“Abby? It’s Clancy,” the architect announced when she reached her that Thursday. “If it’s convenient for you, I’d like to bring by some samples of river rock for the wall.”

“Sure. I’ve got most of my day scheduled, but I’ll be home after 4:00. How’s that?”

“Good. I’ll drop by when I’m finished with work. See you then.”

***

Clancy briefly wished she had a wheelbarrow in the back of her truck when she tried to wrangle the rocks around to the back yard. Abby came out to help her, and the pair managed to get all of the samples unloaded, even with the always-helpful dogs licking at Clancy’s sweaty legs. “I get the definite impression that my popularity would plummet if I started to wear long pants,” she said.

“Do you ever wear long pants when you work?”

“Nope. I got used to wearing shorts when I worked with my dad. I can’t imagine feeling comfortable any other way.”

“It’s your signature,” Abby decided. “That and your colorful socks, that is.”

“Oh, these.” Clancy held her foot out, as if she needed to remind herself of her little quirk. “Well, since all of my shorts and my shirts fall along some point of the khaki palette, I decided I needed a little color so I didn’t bore myself to death. My casual clothes are really bright,” she added. “All khaki was a little hard to get used to.”

“I think your style suits you to a T,” Abby assured her. “It’s very — you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, even though I think it’s code for ‘You’re pretty odd, Clance.'”

Abby gazed at her for a moment and pursed her lips. “Mmm. You are a little quirky, but in my book, that’s a very, very positive characteristic. I meet too many people who aren’t happy unless they look exactly like all of their friends. They’re always afraid to step out of the box.”

Clancy laughed. “I’m out of the box … I’m out of the closet … I’m just plain out.”

“You wear it well,” Abby said. “Say, Hayley should be home soon. Wanna stay and say hello?”

“You probably want to spend the evening together. You can call me with your –”

“Hey,” Abby said. “I’d like for you to meet Hayley — and Trevor, too. She went to pick him up at the airport.” She glanced at her watch. “They should be home soon.”

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t say so if I weren’t.”

Clancy smiled. “I’d love to meet them.”

***

The younger Grahams arrived home just as Clancy and Abby started to discuss the attributes of the river rock samples. Abby’s face lit up so brightly when she heard the garage door open that Clancy was unable to stop smiling, just from observing her friend’s joy. The dogs caught the rising level of excitement and began to run through the house, barking wildly. Abby gave her young friend a wry look and asked, “See why it’s so hard to get used to living alone? This place has been a madhouse since Trevor was a baby.”

The laundry room door burst open, and a tall, handsome young man entered, his grin matching his mother’s. Right on his heels, a much younger copy of Abby struggled in, carrying two suitcases.

Abby threw her arms around her son and gave him a hug that looked as though it would squeeze all of the air out of his lungs. He hugged her back with equal gusto, closing his eyes against the emotion that flowed between them. “God, I’ve missed you,” she whispered, just loud enough for Clancy to hear.

The young woman dropped the suitcases and gave Clancy a shrug. “I barely get a nod when I come in.”

“That is such a lie!” Abby dove for her and wrapped her in a bear hug from behind, cuddling her close to her body. She looked at Clancy from over her daughter’s shoulder. “This is my most precious daughter, Hayley. Hayley, this is Clancy O’Connor.”

Hayley tried to extend her hand for a shake, but Abby was holding her so tightly she couldn’t get free. “Mom,” she whined, struggling for release.

As she let her go, Abby slapped her sharply on the butt. “I don’t ever want you to feel unloved.”

“Stifled, crushed, smothered …” the young woman teased.

“Those are fine,” Abby agreed. “Just not unloved.”

After quietly watching the interplay between his mother and sister, the young man stepped forward and offered his hand to Clancy. “I’m Trevor,” he said in a rich baritone.

“Good to meet you, Trevor. Your mom’s been telling me about the project you’re going to be working on. It sounds fantastic. You don’t need any landscape architects, do you?”

He smiled at his mother, who was beaming at him. “Mom seems to think Venice will rise or fall based on my input. It’s really a simple project to keep a bunch of unemployed urban planners off the streets over the summer. Kinda like summer camp.”

“He’s being modest,” Abby insisted. “He’s brilliant, and I’m confident that Venice will remain vital if the government only follows his suggestions.”

Trevor gave her a look that was filled with affection. “Mom thinks I’m brilliant. No matter what, I know I’ll always have one fan in my corner.”

“I’m in your corner, too,” Hayley reminded him. Giving him her best little sister look, she added, “As long as you don’t piss me off.”

“Hey! Watch your language!” Abby chided, sounding so very much like a mom.

“We’re in college, Mom,” Hayley said. “We can say piss.”

“I’m forty-five, and I manage to get through the day without being vulgar,” she reminded them.

“True, but then, you’re perfect,” Hayley joked, sticking her tongue out at her.

“I’ve got to set a very high standard for you two to aspire to,” Abby said, wrinkling up her nose at her daughter.

Hayley leaned over and kissed her mother on the cheek, and Clancy was struck by the warm familiarity that all three of the Grahams exhibited. She stood up and said, “Well, I’ll let you all get settled. How long will you be home, Trevor?”

“A week. I’ve got to be in Venice on Sunday.”

Abby looked at her and explained, “Trev graduated two weeks ago, and he's been spending some time with his grandparents.”

“Your parents?” Clancy asked Abby.

“Yes. Pasadena is their home, but they spend most of the spring and all of the summer in Maine. Since Trev is close, he’s visited them for a couple of weeks every year that he’s been at M.I.T. Since he’ll have such a short time here, I hated to let him go this year, but it’s important that he spend time with his grandparents, too.”

“I'm going to Maine at the end of the summer,” Hayley volunteered. “Grams and Gramps needed a little break to recover from Trev.”

Giving her daughter a playful scowl, Abby commented, “We always thought it was important that each child have some time alone with my mom and dad. I’m surprised it’s continued this long, but they both seem to enjoy it.”

Clancy headed for the door. “I sure wouldn’t mind a couple of weeks in Maine. But duty calls. Give me a buzz when you’ve made a decision about the rock, Abby.”

Hayley gazed at Clancy for a moment, then turned to her mom. “Why don’t we have Clancy stay for dinner, Mom? I really want to hear about your project.”

Abby gave her a slightly surprised look, but gladly agreed with her suggestion. “Any interest, Clancy? We’re having Trevor’s favorite dish — steak fajitas, cooked on the grill.”

Clancy’s eyes lit up, and she offered only a token protest, “I’m all dusty and grimy …”

“You’re perfectly fine,” Abby scoffed. “I think you should stay, but if you have other plans …”

“No, no plans. If you don’t mind a slightly grungy landscaper at your table, I’d love to stay.”

***

The foursome got along quite well, and by the time they were ready to eat, both of the younger Grahams were joking with Clancy like she was an old friend. Trevor was in charge of the grill, Abby handled the rice and refried beans, and Hayley was in charge of making the homemade flour tortillas. Clancy was surprised to not only see people making their own tortillas; she was amazed at how companionably mother and daughter worked together.

“I take it you’ve done this before?” she asked Hayley as the younger woman worked at the built-in marble baking center.

“Yeah. We’ve always all cooked together.” Her eyes clouded a little as she corrected herself. “Well, Trev didn’t do much before, but he’s taken over for Dad now.”

Clancy nodded and leaned back on her stool, observing the young woman. She wasn’t an exact copy of her mother, Clancy realized now that she had time to study her. While her face was strikingly similar, her body was much more slight, almost willowy. Hayley was also shorter than her mom — Clancy guessed she and Hayley were about the same height. Though there were some differences, Clancy found the girl fascinating. It was, in some ways, like looking at a living, breathing version of a very young Abby, and that pleased the architect no end. I love Abby’s graying hair, but the jet-black is stunning with that skin color and those eyes. Damn, these people got in line more than once when they were handing out good looks! She let her mind drift to imagining Abby as a young woman, and while she wouldn’t have minded having Abby’s current personality pasted onto this young copy, she had to honestly admit that she’d rather have the original. The young woman was definitely pretty and more than a little sexy — but Abby had such depth, such seasoning. That couldn’t be substituted for in Clancy’s considered opinion.

Trevor brought in the skirt steaks he had grilled, looking quite proud of himself. His mother took a peek and gave him a kiss on the cheek for a job well done. He gave Clancy a slightly embarrassed look as Abby added a hug that lasted nearly a minute.

He shared many similarities with Abby, too, although his features were the masculine version. The main differences were that his eyes looked more gray than blue, and his body was almost bulky. He was tall, about six foot two, and he had to weigh over two hundred pounds. He wasn’t overweight by any means, but he looked like he could hold his own with a jackhammer, and Clancy briefly wished he was going to be around for the summer. She could always use another pair of hands — especially big, strong ones.

Over dinner, Clancy swore repeatedly that she’d never be able to buy tortillas again — that Hayley had ruined her for the commercial version. The young woman beamed at her, and Abby found herself thinking of how very kind and thoughtful Clancy was. The landscaper was obviously trying to let both Hayley and Trevor know how impressed she was with both of them — and she was doing a masterful job.

“So, Hayley, your mom tells me that your plan is to lie on a raft and not get out of the pool all summer. Any truth to the rumor?” Clancy asked.

The young woman smiled and rolled her eyes briefly at her mother. “I really wanted to get a job, but my school year runs a little longer than everyone else’s. Then I’ll have to leave to go to Maine for a few weeks.” She shrugged her shoulders. “That doesn’t leave much time.”

“She’s omitted the fact that she’s never worked a day in her life,” Trevor interjected to set the record straight.

Clancy raised an eyebrow, and the younger woman nodded. “That’s true, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to work. It just hasn’t worked out.”

“Yeah, employers aren’t going door-to-door looking for help much any more,” Trevor said, winking at Clancy.

“Why don’t you see if Clancy needs another laborer?” Abby asked, ineffectively hiding a teasing smile.

Hayley’s vivid blue eyes settled onto Clancy, and she asked, “Do you need any help?”

Clancy sized the girl up and decided to tell the truth. “To be honest, I could use some help — but I think Trevor would be more suited to the help I need.” She smiled at him and admitted, “I was licking my chops as soon as you walked in the door. A sturdy guy like you could really come in handy.”

“I wish I were going to be here. I love to work outside. Hayley, on the other hand, likes to lie in a lounge chair and ask anyone passing by to bring her a cool drink.”

“I’m not like that!” the young woman huffed. “Come on, Clancy, isn’t there something I could do? You could help me show these two that I can hold my own.”

“Honey, you’re putting Clancy on the spot,” Abby interrupted. “This is very strenuous work, and besides, we’ve decided to put the project off until you leave for school. I don’t want a bunch of workmen ogling you while you work on your tan.” She gave Clancy a light slap on the back and said, “Sorry to impugn your employees, but she looks too darned good in a swimsuit.”

“Oh, they love to ogle,” Clancy admitted agreeably. “But I can’t point the finger at them; I do it myself.” She suddenly realized what she had said and blushed three different shades of red. “I mean — I sometimes look at — Well, not — I didn’t mean — I certainly wouldn’t look at you — uhm …”

She was floundering so badly that Abby immediately came to her rescue. “We all look when we see a particularly fine example of whatever sex appeals to us, Clancy. I’ve been known to drool a little when I see those California Highway Patrol officers.”

“Oh, God! Mom and her uniform fetish!” Hayley moaned.

“It’s hardly a fetish, honey,” Abby said. “And I’m sure I’m not the only woman who loves a man in a uniform.”

“I’m certain that’s true.” Clancy smiled at her, grateful for the rescue.

Abby gazed thoughtfully at her daughter and said, “If you don’t mind, I’d love to start the project now, Hayley. I was only holding off because of you.”

“What do you think, Clancy? I’m a good worker – I think,” she added tentatively.

Clancy gave the girl a long look, seeing the hopeful expression. “I’ll tell you what. I’ve got about two weeks worth of work clearing the hill where the new wall and waterfall will go. It’s certainly not easy work, but if you want to do it, it’ll free up one of my guys to work on another project. I pay my unskilled laborers $12 an hour. That’s not a lot — and I’m sure your mom could get you something that pays as well for a lot less work, but if you want to do it — you’re hired.”

Hayley extended her cool, smooth hand and shook Clancy’s. “We’ve got a deal.”

“After the preliminary work is finished, we’ll reassess and see if you want to continue. The next phase of the project is a lot tougher, but if you like it, I’m sure I could find something for you.”

“I’m sure I’ll like it,” Hayley decided with the brash confidence of youth. Giving her brother a haughty look, Hayley said, “You won’t ever again be able to say I’ve never worked, big guy.”

***

The younger Grahams decided to go for an after dinner swim, and after Abby bit her tongue to stop herself from warning them to be careful swimming on full stomachs, she and Clancy started to clean the kitchen. “I really enjoyed myself tonight,” Clancy said. “Your kids are delightful.”

“It’s funny,” Abby said thoughtfully. “I’d always dreamed of having kids — but I pictured them as kids, you know? Rather than adults, that is.”

Clancy nodded agreeably.

“But I’ve found that I enjoy them even more now that they’re becoming their own people. If Will were here, I’m sure this would be the best time of my life.”

Clancy placed a hand on the older woman’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I wish he were here for you, too. I can see how much you miss him.”

Unexpectedly, Abby turned and buried her face into Clancy’s shoulder. “It’s so hard sometimes when the kids are here. They remind me of him with every gesture, every look. Hayley inherited so many of his expressions,” she sobbed. "And Trevor looks exactly like him from behind. I see him standing outside by the grill, and my heart catches in my throat. I could swear it was Will." She cried so hard that she was gasping for breath. “It breaks my heart.”

“I’m so sorry, Abby,” Clancy soothed. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

The older woman straightened and tried to compose herself. “I hate to let them see me cry. I know they’ve largely gotten over it, and I hate that I haven’t.”

“You had the bigger loss,” Clancy insisted. “They lost their father, but you lost your husband, your lover, your friend.”

Abby nodded, while wiping her eyes with a tissue. She gazed at her friend for a moment, then said, “You really understand, don’t you?”

“A little bit,” she said. “My grandfather died a few years ago, and my grandmother and I are very close. She talks to me about her grief. Even though she’s much older than you are, I’d imagine the experience is about the same. Grief is grief.”

“Would you like to see Will’s picture?” Abby asked in a rough voice.

“Yes.”

Abby placed her hand on Clancy’s shoulder and guided her into the living room. Clancy had never been in the space, and she immediately decided that she could take up residence on the sofa and be very happy.

It was a typical Craftsman living room, and this one was in perfect, nearly original shape. Clancy knew more than a little about the design, since she had wavered between being a residential architect or working with landscape, and she had always been a fan of the style. Large, stained-glass panels bracketed the picture window, and the last rays of the sun were streaming into the room, painting it in pale blues, purples, and grass greens. “Why would you use the rest of the house if you could be in here?” she muttered, almost to herself.

She realized Abby was still beside her when she felt the slight pressure of a hand atop her shoulder. “It is special, isn’t it?”

“Stunning. One of the best examples I’ve seen — except for the Gamble house, of course.”

“I’m not sure you know it, but this house was built by a man who'd worked for the Greene and Greene brothers,” Abby informed her, naming the pre-eminent designers of the California Craftsman style.

Clancy dropped to her knees, crossing herself ostentatiously. “I’m adding to the design of an almost-Greene and Greene?”

“You sure are,” Abby said, smiling down at her, “and I know you’re the woman for the job.”

Clancy got to her feet, almost feeling a little woozy from the information she’d received. “I hope you’re confident enough for both of us,” she gulped.

“I thought you were all about confidence.”

“I’m confident about you,” Clancy clarified. “Big difference.”

Abby gave her a squeeze and led her over to the bookcases that flanked the beautiful windows. “I have dozens and dozens of pictures, but I put most of them away. The room had started to remind me of a mausoleum.” She picked up a framed portrait of the entire family. “This was our last Christmas together,” she said. “We were all so busy that year, we almost skipped it. I’m so glad we didn’t.”

Clancy studied the picture, able to see the warm affection that flowed among all of the members of the family. Abby and Will were sitting on the sofa in their living room, and the two kids were standing behind them, Trevor behind Abby, and Hayley behind Will. Will and Abby were holding hands, and the pose didn’t look staged in the least. Instead, it seemed like that was probably their natural reaction to sitting beside one another. The portrait was very informal — which surprised Clancy. Everyone was laughing — not smiling; laughing — these people were obviously enjoying themselves. Abby leaned toward Will, her head resting on his shoulder, and her eyes were nearly closed as she tried to control herself. Will looked impish — a little like he’d been caught doing something that he shouldn’t have been.

Abby looked down and explained, “I don’t even remember what he said, but Will cracked us all up right before the shutter clicked. There were a lot of shots from the session that were more posed — more traditional — but this one captured us perfectly.”

Blinking back tears, Clancy extended her hand, and Abby’s immediately fell into it. “I’ve never seen a family portrait that captured the real people. This is precious.” She squeezed the hand and released it, then looked into her friend’s eyes and said, “Thanks for sharing it.”

Abby put the photo back on the shelf and walked to the next case. She removed another photo and smiled as she considered it. “I keep this one to remind myself I was once young.” Clancy looked at the picture, and immediately noticed that it was taken on the front porch. A very young Abby was sitting on Will’s lap, her arms draped around his neck. He was looking at her with undisguised interest, but she was staring right into the camera, a wide smile lighting up her face. Her hair was long and a glossy black color that showed off her eyes to dazzling effect. Perfect, white teeth were revealed between her open lips, and it looked as though she was about to speak. “Will’s mother took this not long after we started dating,” she said, gazing at the photo fondly. “You can’t tell from this angle, but he’d grabbed a handful of my ass and was giving it such a hard squeeze that I was ready to scream. He knew I wouldn’t say a thing since his mother was there. He was such a tease!”

Clancy was still trying to get over the captivating good looks of the young woman. “Damn, Abby, you should have been a model!”

“I had a few offers,” she admitted. “There were always talent scouts hovering around UCLA in the seventies.” She put the picture back in its spot. “I had no interest. My parents are both professionals, and I’d always assumed that I’d make a living with my brain, not my body.” She looked thoughtful for a bit and said, “In a way, I didn’t fulfill my dreams, but I don’t have a regret in the world. I would never have trusted a stranger to raise my babies, and with Will’s schedule, I wanted to be home whenever he was. It worked out.”

“I can see how happy you are with your decisions,” Clancy said, “and I can see what a great mom you are. Your kids are very, very lucky.”

The older woman cleared her throat. “I think we’ve been on the memory lane detour long enough. Let’s go grab a cold drink and sit outside with the kids.”

“What about the dishes?”

“They’ll still be there tomorrow. One thing Will’s death did was show me that my time with the kids is precious. I don’t want to waste a minute.”

***

They sat by the pool until Trevor announced that he was going to bed. Abby walked Clancy out to her truck, and the pair paused by the door for a few minutes. “I had the best time tonight,” Clancy said.

“I had fun, too. You really seemed to hit it off with the kids, and I want to thank you for going out of your way to compliment each of them so generously.”

“I didn’t go out of my way,” Clancy maintained. “Your whole family is very complimentable.” She wrinkled up her nose and said, “I don’t think that’s a real word, but you know what I mean.”

“I do,” Abby said, her laughter making Clancy grin in response. They were quiet for a moment, Abby giving her friend a long look. “I’d love to meet your parents. They did such a good job with you — I’d like a few pointers.”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but you’ll meet my dad soon. He wants to talk to you about your thoughts for the pool deck.”

“Great. Let’s make plans to meet soon. Maybe both of your parents could come for dinner?”

Clancy laughed, her expression revealing a little disbelief. “You’re going to spoil me for normal clients, you know. Not only do you feed me with regularity, now you’re feeding my parents.”

“Do you still think of me as a client?” Abby asked, furrowing her brow slightly.

“Yes,” Clancy said. “I think of you as a client I’ve been lucky enough to turn into a friend.”

“The clients who don’t get to be your friend don’t know what they’re missing,” Abby said, smiling.

Not having a response for that, Clancy looked down at the ground, shyly kicking some stones with the toe of her boot. “Hey, I have a question,” she said, trying to shift the attention away from herself. “In the picture of you and Will, you were on this porch, but you said you were only dating.”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? This is the house that Will grew up in. His parents were ready to retire when we got married. They moved to Palm Springs and gave the house to us as the world’s best wedding present.”

“Wow! I had no idea!” She looked up at the distinctive roofline, a little awe peeking through. “To get an almost Greene and Greene — without a mortgage!”

“Yes, it was an awfully nice way to start out. Sometimes I wish they hadn’t moved away, since they didn’t get to spend much time with the kids, but I think they were happy in the desert.”

“Past tense?”

Abby nodded. “They both died when the kids were still young. Hayley has a few memories of them, but neither of the kids had much time to really get to know them.”

“That’s a shame,” Clancy said. “Grandparents are awfully important.”

“Yeah, they are.” She laughed softly. “While Will’s parents were alive I always felt like we were living in their house. But once they died we both felt a little more free to do what we wanted with it.”

“You made changes?”

“Yeah. Quite a few. The house had six bedrooms originally, but they were all rather small. We took the three rooms at the end of the hall and had them turned into a large master suite with a big, attached bathroom. Then we had the kitchen redone about ten years ago.” She made a face and said, “Don’t ever let anyone talk you into remodeling a kitchen when you’re living in the house.”

“Thanks for the advice,” Clancy said, smiling. “This is the nicest house I’ve ever been in, and I’m so grateful that you’re letting me make my mark on the landscape. It means more to me than I can say.”

“I’m the lucky one,” Abby insisted. “Someday, people will say ‘That’s a Clancy O’Connor landscape, you know.’”

“I doubt that, but it’s nice to dream,” the younger woman said.

“You’re gonna do a marvelous job,” Abby assured her. “I’m really lucking out here. I’m gonna get a great design and a great friend in the bargain.”

Clancy was so overcome by the generous compliments that she impulsively threw her arms around Abby and gave her a heartfelt hug. “Thanks for having confidence in me.”

Abby patted her soothingly and reminded her, “That’s what friends do.”

***

“Well, this is a surprise.” Margaret O’Connor emerged from the back of her floral shop and beamed at her daughter. “A pleasant surprise, I might add.” She walked around the counter and gave her only child a generous hug. “What are you doing in my neighborhood?”

“I had to go check out some plants at a nursery in Cucamonga. I hate to be in the ’hood and not say hello to my dear mother.”

“What do you need?” the older woman asked suspiciously, kidding gently.

“Not a darned thing,” Clancy assured her. “Everything is fine — I’m working hard, I’m getting paid …”

“Good for you!” Margaret ran her fingers through her daughter’s close-cropped hair. “It took me a while, but I’ve really gotten used to your being a blonde. You wouldn't even look yourself with brown hair again.”

Clancy walked around the counter and stuck her head into the huge, walk-in chiller. “Nice roses,” she commented. “I like the coral ones a lot.”

“Thanks,” her mother said, still a little suspicious of the visit. Clancy was a very loving, devoted daughter, but she wasn’t the sort to drive to Sierra Madre for no reason.

“How’s Gramma?”

“She’s good,” Margaret said. “You’re coming to the barbeque on Sunday, aren’t you?”

“Huh?” The young woman was obviously distracted, but she nodded. “Oh, sure. Of course I’m coming. I might bring Michael.”

“He’s always welcome,” Margaret said.

“Cool.” Clancy sat on the stool behind the counter and rocked back and forth, just as she had when she was a child. “Got any orders to fill?”

“Sure. Why?”

“Can I help?”

“Clancy,” Margaret put her hands on her hips and stared at her daughter. “You don’t come out to Sierra Madre in the middle of a working day to help me fill orders. Now what’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” she said, a touch of irritation in her voice. “I’m not busy, and I thought it would be fun to spend the afternoon with you. If you don’t want me here …”

Margaret went to her daughter and grasped her firmly, holding her against her ample breasts. “Of course I want you here. You’d still be living at home if I had my choice.” She released her and placed a hand on the small of her back to lead her into the workroom. “I have an order for a big twenty-fifth anniversary party. Wanna do the arrangement for the head table?”

***

“Something is definitely up with Clancy,” her mother said after she and her husband had gotten into bed that night.

“I think it’s nice that she came up to spend some time with you. Do you have to second guess her all of the time?”

“Second guess! When have I ever second guessed her?” Margaret sat up and glared at her husband, daring him to contradict her.

He merely gave her a fond look and a pat on the side. “Let's see … you tried to talk her out of being gay. As I recall, that period lasted for several years … then there was the tattoo … and the …”

“Fine! You laugh all you want, John. Something is bothering her, but she’s not able to talk about it.”

He gave her a patient smile and said, “When she’s ready, she’ll talk about it. She always does, Margaret.”

She grabbed her pillow and tossed it at him. “You’re as bad as she is!”

Chuckling, he pushed the pillow away from his face and said, “I take that as a compliment.” His face crinkled up in a grin as he reminded his wife, “So would she.”

“Rub it in, go ahead and rub it in.” Since Clancy’d been born, the O’Connors had had a running joke concerning which of them the child was closer to. For many years, the clear winner had been John, and he was loath to discontinue their game now that he was winning.

“Hey, she came to you this time,” he reminded his wife. “Did you try to draw her out?”

“Yes! I asked her at least five times, and each time she told me there was nothing wrong!”

“Oh, Margaret, have you learned nothing from the master?” He was clearly rubbing it in, but his wife wanted information badly enough to allow him to torture her.

“Go on,” she said wearily. “Lecture me again.”

He puffed out his chest, pleased to be in this position. “Okay. The key to Clancy is never to ask her a direct question. She only talks if she doesn’t realize she’s revealing anything. You have to work around the question, Margaret. You can’t hit the kid head on.”

“You know that’s not my style,” the chronically blunt woman grumbled, blowing out a frustrated breath.

“I know, sweetheart. You leave the girl to me. I’ll get it out of her at the barbeque.”

“No! I want her to confide in me for a change!”

“Okay,” John said patiently. “Give me your best guess as to what’s bothering her.”

She thought for a minute. “It’s her love life. Or her lack of one.” He gave her an encouraging look, and she continued. “There was something there, John. Something’s … God, I hope she’s finally getting serious about someone.”

He chuckled at her expression. “This from the woman who tried for years to convince her that she wasn’t gay.”

“Honey, it’s been twelve years since she told us. I’d be happy if she brought a well-mannered goat home to meet us.”

Laughing at her exaggeration, he said, “I agree it’s high time she found someone, but you can’t rush her, sweetie.”

“She’s going to be thirty this year, John. Having a relationship that lasts longer than a month is not rushing!”

“Well,” he admitted, “I would like to at least meet one of her girlfriends. Maybe she’s discovered that she’s really straight, but she’s afraid to admit it since she made such a big deal about being gay.”

“I don’t think you should hold your breath on that one, honey,” Margaret said. “I don’t know the first thing about lesbians, and even I would tag her as one. She’s got the look.”

“Oh, since when did you develop a sense of lesbian style?”

“Well, I don’t have one, but she reminds me a little bit of that Ryan girl; you know the one.”

“Ryan?”

“Yes, honey, the girl from the lesbian show. And that cute movie where she had the orgasm.”

“Orgasm? They made a movie about orgasms?”

“No, no, that was a little part of the movie. She had that funny orgasm in the deli.”

John gave her a wide-eyed look, then slowly, recognition dawned. “Meg Ryan? Are you talking about Meg Ryan?”

“Yes! Clancy reminds me of her a little bit. It’s too bad her TV show was canceled. Clancy really liked it.”

“Honey, I think you’re talking about Ellen DeGeneres. Those are two different women.”

“Oh, right. Well, since Clancy died her hair she looks like the Ryan girl, and … well, I guess she looks like the DeGeneres girl because they’re both … lesbians.”

John O’Connor buried his head under his pillow. His wife barely heard his muffled, “Don’t you ever say that to her face.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Clancy was getting ready to head out to her parents' for the weekend’s barbecue when Hayley called. “Uhm … hi,” the younger woman said tentatively. “It’s Hayley Graham.”

“Hey, Hayley. Having second thoughts?”

“No, not at all. I wondered if there was anything special I should have. Like clothes or tools or anything.”

“Hmm … do you have any work boots?”

“No, not really. Do I need them?”

“Not technically, but I prefer them. They keep some of the dirt from getting into my socks if nothing else.”

“Okay. What else?”

“You’ll need some well-fitted gloves. Preferably women’s gloves. I noticed that your hands look pretty delicate.”

“I can do that. Anything else?”

“A lot of sunblock is all I can think of. Do you know where to buy boots and gloves?”

“No, I don't think so. Maybe … Target?”

“Tell you what. I’ve got to go to the contractor’s supply store first thing in the morning. Wanna go with me?”

“Sure!” Hayley’s enthusiasm was evident, and Clancy recalled what it was like to be young and filled with gusto for every new adventure.

“I’ll swing by for you at 7:00.” She paused for a second and asked, “That’s not too early, is it?”

“Oh, no,” Hayley lied. “I love to get up early.”

“Me, too. So, I’ll see you then, huh?”

“Okay. I’ll be waiting.”

***

The barbeque was winding down, and John O’Connor realized he’d have to admit defeat. He’d unobtrusively cornered his daughter at every opportunity, offered up plenty of leading questions, and even resorted to a direct one — all to no avail. He decided he had to resort to his secret source and called Michael over to the grill. “Anything going on with Clancy lately?” he asked bluntly. “She seems distant — like something’s on her mind, but she won’t talk about it. Her mom is under the impression that she might be seeing someone.”

“Well, I can put that rumor to rest,” Michael said. “She’s not seeing a soul. All she’s been doing is working and reworking those plans for that house in the Arroyo. That job means an awful lot to her.”

“Is she worried about it?” John asked.

“Yeah, she must be,” Michael said. “She’s over there all the time — and she’s been all over Southern California looking for the perfect materials. There’s no way she’s gonna make a dime on the job with all of the hours she’s putting in.”

“That could do it,” John said. “She’s always withdrawn when she’s worried about something.” He clapped the young man on the back. “Thanks for the info, Michael. It pays to have an insider who’s not opposed to leaking secrets.”

“I only leak things that are for her own good,” Michael said. “I don’t tell you the really sordid stuff.”

John backhanded him in the gut, and the hair stylist reminded himself never to tease the brawny contractor about his precious daughter.

***

Armed, as it were, with a new pair of boots, a pair of pigskin gloves, and a bandana to keep the sun off her neck, Hayley climbed the steep hill alongside Clancy. “We’ll probably build some temporary steps to avoid fatigue and make it easier to bring supplies up here, but for now, I think this is the most direct path,” Clancy said.

Hayley nodded and made a mental note to go up the hill in the same way next time. They reached the top, and Clancy walked along the uneven slope like a mountain goat, her determined stride not faltering a bit. When they reached the far edge of the property, she stood with her hands on her hips and surveyed the fence line. “We’re going to come out about two feet,” she instructed, holding her hands out to give Hayley an idea of the distance. “We're gonna leave this ivy on most of the hill 'cause it's a good ground cover, but we have to get rid of it along the line of the new wall. This stuff can have roots that go down eighteen inches, and it can be thick enough to dull the blades on the trencher, so we have to do it by hand. What I want you to do is clear every scrap of vegetation from the fence to two feet out. If you find any significant roots, I want you to mark them with one of these little flags.” She held up a foot-long piece of stiff wire with a two-inch square of red plastic attached to the end. “That way we’ll know where to dig them out.”

“I could do that, too,” Hayley volunteered.

“You’re gonna have your hands full; trust me,” Clancy assured her. “Now this is a little unconventional, but it works great.” She took out a dozen plastic grocery bags and handed them to Hayley. “Fill these up with the ivy that you dig up. When one is full, tie it off and throw it to the bottom of the hill. That way we can get rid of the stuff without lugging it down at the end of the day.”

“Cool,” Hayley agreed. “You’re pretty smart.”

“Trial and error,” Clancy assured her. “I’ve made a lot of errors.”

“What are you going to be doing?” Hayley asked.

“Well, I’m going to be supervising you,” she teased. “Maybe I’ll sit in the shade and drink lemonade.” At Hayley’s raised eyebrow, Clancy chuckled and said, “Your mom makes that same face.”

“She stole it from me,” the confident teenager insisted.

“I’m sure.” Clancy looked at the list of tasks she wanted to accomplish by the end of the day and decided, “I think I’ll work with you. I want you to get a feel for the easiest way to do this.”

“Great! Let’s get started!”

***

It was the two of them in the enclosed, private yard. Abby and Trevor had left before 7:00 to play golf with Ellen and her son, Sam, leaving the two laborers to their task. The day was really heating up, and at around 11:00, Clancy went down the hill to grab a pick-mattock. The heavy, worn tool had a sharp pick on one end and a squared-off cutting tool on the other. Clancy pulled a small diamond file from her back pocket and spent a few minutes properly sharpening the mattock. Hayley glanced at her. "What in the hell is that?"

"It's a mattock. It cuts through about anything – including feet, so stay clear of it. I decided I might as well get rid of the roots as you find 'em." She'd been standing still for a few minutes, but was still extraordinarily hot. “You don’t mind if I take my shirt off, do you? I don’t normally work in my sports bra, but it’s scary hot today.”

“No. Go right ahead. I got used to being naked around other girls at school this year.”

“Mmm … that's tempting in this heat, but I think the shirt is enough.” Clancy shrugged out of her wet shirt and wiped her brow with it, then hung it on the stockade fence. She stood in her gray sports bra and spruce green shorts, and took a long pull off the liter bottle of water she had brought up with her. Sighing deeply when she thought of the effort she'd have to expend, she started to work, swinging the heavy tool from over her shoulder down to the roots — time and time and time again. The sweat was running off her body in rivulets — leaving a noticeable patch of mud where it landed on the ground. Her face was so flushed that it looked like she’d been burned, and after nearly a half-hour of constant work, she stopped for another drink.

Hayley was staring at her — slack-jawed. “I’ve never seen anyone work that hard!”

“Sure you have,” Clancy said. “They’re just not people you know. You see people in this neighborhood every day working this hard — or harder. You see gardeners and maids and construction workers and roofers working their butts off. They’re invisible to you.”

“I guess you’re right,” the younger woman mused. “It’s different when it’s someone you know.”

Clancy took off her cap and doused it with the remaining water, now warm. She plopped it back onto her head and started up again, not stopping until high noon. Now her shorts were as wet as her hat, and she looked like she was about to pass out.

“You don’t look so good,” Hayley ventured.

“Oh, if you mean my red face, that’s perfectly normal for me. It’ll go away as soon as I rest for a bit.”

“We get to rest?” the younger woman asked with hope-filled eyes.

“Yep. Time for lunch.” Clancy strode down the hill and over to her backpack, taking out an enormous Tupperware bowl filled with fruit salad. Glancing at Hayley, she suggested, “Don’t eat anything too heavy or you’ll be sick.”

The young woman nodded and took off for the house, removing her boots and socks before entering. She emerged a few minutes later with a bagel smothered in cream cheese. They sat together under the pergola, the sun deflected from their heads. “How long do you usually break?”

Clancy swallowed and said, “Depends. If it’s raining or really cold, we like to keep going. But when it’s hot like this, it’s really best if we take at least an hour. Most of my guys grew up on farms in Mexico, and they’re used to taking a little nap after lunch. It’s really not a bad idea.”

“If I slept now, I might not get up until tomorrow,” Hayley moaned. “I don’t know how you do this every day!”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t. I usually let my guys do the installations, but they’re all busy this week. I didn’t want to wait to get started, so I figured I'd pitch in.”

“Do you like your work, Clancy? It seems so hard.”

“It is, but I love it. I was on the fence about being a regular architect or doing this — I’m really happy with my choice.”

“Hey, if we’re gonna take a long break, why not jump in the pool? I’m sure it'd feel great.”

“Oh … I don’t know. I’ve never done anything like that on a job …”

“Have you ever had the daughter of the owner on your work crew?” Hayley asked.

“Ha! No, I haven’t, come to think of it. Does that give me carte blanche with the pool?”

“It does if you’re with me. Come on and ditch those filthy boots. Let’s cool off!” Hayley hopped to her feet and went into the house. She emerged a few minutes later, wearing a faded red swimsuit and carrying another in her hand. "I think this'll fit you," she said. "It's one of my mom's."

"I hope it's not too stretchy," Clancy said. "Your mom's longer than I am."

Hayley laughed, the sound so much like Abby’s melodic laugh that Clancy couldn’t help from grinning at the girl. “My dad used to call her his long drink of water. I never knew what that meant, but he said it all the time.”

Clancy unlaced her boots, leaving a substantial deposit of dirt and mud on the patio. She had to nearly pry her socks off, but she doffed them and wiped as much of the dirt off her legs as she could. "Be right back," she said. She went into the bathroom by the laundry and quickly put on the long suit. She didn't care how it looked, as long as it stayed on. She was so excited about the beckoning water that she ran across the patio, dove into the deep end, and came up sputtering. “Damn! That feels great!”

“The pool has never felt so good,” Hayley agreed enthusiastically.

They floated limply for a while, neither having the energy to do much else. It was tremendously refreshing, and Clancy thanked her new laborer several times for the generous offer.

A portion of the deep end was in shade and both women stayed in that section to keep the sun off their bodies as much as possible. “I like your tattoo,” Hayley said, looking intently at the band of green ink.

“Oh, thanks. I had it done when I was in college. It’s aged pretty well,” she commented. “I was afraid it would fade.”

“How long ago was that?” Hayley asked.

“Mmm … I graduated in 1998,” she said.

“That’s about what I thought,”

“Don’t try to guess my age that way,” Clancy warned. “I worked for four years before I went to school.” She could see the teenager trying to work the numbers and saved her the trouble. “I’ll be thirty in December.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope. I’m planning on having a huge party. You’re officially invited if you’re still gonna be in town.”

“Cool! I'd love to come." She looked at the tattoo again and asked, “Did it hurt a lot?”

“No, not really. It felt more like an irritation than real pain. It hurt the worst on the underside of my arm. The skin’s pretty sensitive there.”

“What hurt worse, the nipple ring or the tattoo?” Hayley asked with studied casualness.

Damn! Shoulda taken that out today! “The nipple ring,” Clancy said, hoping the subject was closed.

“I was thinking of getting something pierced,” Hayley said, and Clancy had a feeling she didn’t mean her ears.

“Well, I don’t regret it, but I was a lot older than you are when I had it done.”

“I think I'm the only girl on my floor who doesn't have a tattoo or a piercing. This summer's gonna be a waste if I don't get one or the other before I go back to school."

"Is that really the best barometer?" Clancy asked. "There has to be something else that could save the summer for you – other than marking up your skin permanently."

“Why's it okay for you? I'm an adult, too."

"Hayley, you're seventeen. I'm almost thirty. That's a big difference."

"Damn! You sound like my mom! I thought you'd be cooler!"

Clancy blinked at the young woman, and Hayley noticed her startled expression.

"Oh, shit. Did that upset you?” Hayley asked, giving Clancy a very earnest look. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Nah. I don’t get upset easily. I guess I was being a little parental. I'll try to act less like your mom and more like your boss." She gave the girl a charming smile that was immediately returned.

"Is it okay to ask the boss a personal question?"

"I guess it depends on the question," Clancy said.

"I was wondering if you were in a relationship."

“No,” Clancy said, laughing. “The boss will entertain a few personal questions. I’m single right now. I’ve been working too hard to go out much this year, so I haven’t been meeting people.”

Hayley looked at her for a moment, then asked, "You're queer, right?"

Clancy gave her a crooked smile. "Yep. Doesn't bother you, does it?"

"I go to Santa Cruz!" Hayley said, as though that fact made her shock-proof.

"Right," Clancy said, nodding. "How about you? Seeing anyone?"

"No. I'm not really into that," Hayley said. "Relationships are so limiting. Casual sex makes more sense. I don't see why having sex means you have to spend all of your time with one guy."

"It doesn't mean that," Clancy agreed, "but you'll probably change your mind one day."

With a tiny furrow between her eyebrows, Hayley tilted her dark head and asked, “You think I'm a dumb kid, don't you?”

“Nah, not at all, but I think that you’ll change your mind about what you want from sex a couple of dozen times by the time you’re my age. When I was eighteen, I wanted to be consumed by a lover – but I learned that I need a lot of autonomy. You change your mind as you get more experience.”

“Maybe,” Hayley said, “but I think I’ll always want my freedom. That ‘till death do you part’ stuff is so over.”

“Not for me, Hayley. I’d love to sleep with one woman every night for the rest of my life. But I haven’t found one I can stand for more than a couple of months – so I’ve got my work cut out for me.” She inclined her head towards the hill. “Speaking of work …”

“Okay, boss. Back to the rock pile.”

***

Regrettably, the weather turned hotter, and by Wednesday, Clancy’d decided that she needed to start even earlier to avoid sunstroke. Abby was helping all she could — bringing them lots of water and a few small snacks throughout the day, but the only way to make the day bearable was to start at dawn’s first light.

It was almost 11:00 when Hayley said, “Remember what you said about your guys taking a long nap in the middle of the day?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Clancy panted, clearly exhausted from the heat.

“Why don’t we do that today? The sun is off this part of the hill by 2:00. We could start up again then and work until 6:00.”

Clancy wiped some of the sweat from her eyes and nodded blankly. “I don’t normally do that, but I’m feeling awfully sick to my stomach. This could be dangerous.”

“Great!” Hayley said with as much enthusiasm as she had left. “Let’s hit the pool.”

Clancy followed her down the hill, nearly salivating at the thought of swimming, when Abby stepped out onto the patio. “Ready for some lunch?”

“No thanks,” Clancy said immediately. “My stomach’s upset.”

“She’s overheated,” Hayley said, and when Abby got a good look at the architect, she agreed with the assessment.

“I’ll get you a swimsuit,” she said decisively. “You need to cool off.” She went into the house, with Clancy following after she took off her boots. The dogs happily licked the dirt, sweat and mud from her legs, while Clancy giggled hysterically. She took the proffered suit, then ran into the bath by the laundry room to change, saving herself from the flailing tongues in the process. Her tan was comical, and Abby had to force herself not to giggle when she saw it. Clancy had been using the strongest possible sunblock, but she had managed to get even darker, which drew even more attention to her pale skin. She saw Abby’s expression and took a look down her body. Pasty white feet and ankles, pale skin from the edge of the navy blue suit to mid-thigh, and slightly tan shoulders, bracketed by very tan forearms and lower legs. “I’m thinking of contacting Playboy about a centerfold,” she said.

“You have a great body,” Abby said, giving her a long, assessing look. “Maybe you could be in the ‘girls in the construction trade’ issue.”

“Some guys probably find farmer tans sexy,” Clancy insisted. “It could be a big seller.”

“No doubt. Now get out there and jump in that pool before I have to take you to the hospital.”

“Aren’t you going to come, too?”

“Well, I thought I’d make lunch first …”

“Come on,” Clancy urged. “For a little while?”

Abby flashed her a smile and gave in. “Okay. Until you two are up to eating a little.”

Hayley walked barefoot into the kitchen, having wrestled off her boots and socks.

"Hurry up and change and get back outside. It's not good to go into an air-conditioned room when you're as hot as we are."

"Then get outside," Hayley said, giving her boss a faux scowl. She looked at her mother and said, “We’re gonna take a long nap and then get started again at 2:00.”

“Really?” Abby gave Clancy a questioning look, and the architect nodded.

“It’s a little dangerous today with the heat and the smog. I was having trouble breathing. By 2:00 the hill will be in shade, and it should be safe to work then.”

“Maybe we should call this off until it cools down,” Abby said, worried.

“Well … I’ve got my guys scheduled to start here the week after next,” Clancy explained. “I’ll have a huge hole in my schedule if we don’t get going then.”

“But I’m worried about you,” Abby said, gazing at Clancy with round eyes.

“Part of the hazards,” Clancy assured her. “A bad tan, calloused hands, and the possibility of heat stroke. You don’t have to worry about us, Abby. We’re used to it, and we know how to protect ourselves.”

“Hayley doesn’t,” she insisted.

“I’m fine, Mom,” the younger woman piped up. “It’s Clancy who’s doing the hard work.”

Abby looked at her friend, her concern showing in her eyes. “I'm honestly worried about you, Clancy. You look completely exhausted.”

“That nap does sound pretty good,” she admitted. “I think I’ll grab a raft and take a nap in the pool.”

“I’m gonna take a shower and a nap,” Hayley said. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in the guest room?”

“No, I really do hate to be in air conditioning during the day. It makes it seem that much hotter when I go back outside.”

"I'm willing to risk it," the girl said. She started to head for her room. "I'm willing to risk anything."

Clancy and Abby laughed at her dramatic attitude and went back outside. Clancy dove in and grabbed the nearest raft, then kicked until she was in the corner of the pool that was fully shaded. Hopping onto the soft surface, she sighed in satisfaction and paddled over to Abby. “This is gonna feel so good.”

Abby smiled at her and said, “I’ll go in and prepare a light snack for when you both wake up.”

Clancy was asleep by the time her head finished nodding, and when Abby finished in the kitchen, she looked out to find that her friend’s raft had drifted into the sun. How do I fix that? She changed into a suit and grabbed the book she’d been reading. She steadied one of the upright floating lounge chairs and got in, then kicked until she reached the landscaper. Gently pushing the raft, she maneuvered it into the shady corner, then settled down to read.

Well over an hour had passed when Trevor came home from his visit to the Federal Building to get his passport updated. He looked around the house, trying to find some sign of life. He knew his mother had to be home — he had her car. Walking into the kitchen, he glanced outside and saw his mom, her book on her lap, her foot pressing Clancy’s raft into the corner. The younger woman was lying on her stomach, her head turned to the side, both arms dangling in the water. Abby’s gaze had settled onto her face, and Trevor couldn’t help but notice the fond affection that seemed to flow from his mother towards the younger woman.

He wasn’t sure why, but something about the tableau was unsettling, and he turned away, trying to put the scene out of his mind.

***

By six o’clock, a substantial portion of the work Clancy had hoped to accomplish was finished, and she was feeling much, much better. It was still hot, but with the sun off their bodies the heat was bearable. They hadn’t eaten after their nap — Clancy’s stomach was still a little balky, and Hayley didn’t have an appetite either, so now they were both ravenous.

Abby came out at 6:00 on the button and said, “Dinner will be ready in a half hour. That’s enough time for you both to shower.” Clancy gave her a puzzled look, but Abby placed her hands on her hips and stated in her most motherly voice, “I don’t want any arguments out of you, Clancy O’Connor. You’ve used up five thousand calories today and haven’t replenished them. You need a good dinner — and that’s what you’re going to get.”

“Yes, Mom,” she mumbled, drawing a snicker from Hayley.

Abby’s retreating form answered. “I heard that.”

***

For the rest of the week, they followed the same schedule. Clancy brought her own swimsuit and a long-sleeved, oversized T-shirt to wear over it, extra protection to keep the sun off her body while she napped. She also remembered to bring a long strip of elastic tubing, and she tied one end to an ankle and the other to a heavy chair — effectively holding her in place in the shady end of the pool.

She ate dinner with the Grahams every night and spent the remainder of each evening playing in the pool. The whole family liked to enjoy the pool during the warm evenings, and Clancy found herself eagerly joining in on the family tradition.

***

Trevor had to leave for Italy on Saturday, and like every other time since Hayley’d gotten her license, she drove him to the airport. That way Abby got to cry in private, and Trevor and Hayley got to spend a little time decompressing and critiquing the visit.

They hadn’t gone very far when Trevor asked, “So, how do you think Mom’s doing?”

“I think she’s pretty good,” Hayley said thoughtfully. “I’m glad that she hasn’t had any dates since we’ve been home. She’s been going out a lot, you know.”

“Uhm … I didn’t know it was a lot,” Trevor said, giving his sister a nervous look. “I’m not ready for this, Hayley. I can’t think of her with another guy.”

“Well, I don’t know a heck of a lot, but from the little she’s said, she’s not having much luck.”

“What? Mom’s so cool! What guy wouldn’t want to date her?”

“Make up your mind, Trev,” Hayley said, laughing heartily.

“I don’t know, Hayley. I mean, I want her to be happy, but …”

“Don’t you think she’s happy?” Hayley asked. “I think she’s much better than she was at spring break.”

“You know, she does seem better,” he said. He was really trying to get a handle on something niggling that was hovering at the edge of his brain, but he wasn’t having much success.

“She’s so hot for this project, Trev. You know how wild she is for the yard. Having something like this to concentrate on is probably helping her mood.”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling as he thought of his mother. “It must be the project.”

Then, suddenly, Trevor felt his stomach lurch when he considered the shy glances that he saw Clancy give to his mother, the look on his mom’s face when she was watching Clancy sleep in the pool, the way she sang to herself while making dinner – as she had when his father was alive, the constant care she lavished on the architect to make sure she wasn’t working too hard. All of a sudden, it made sense to him. His mom was definitely happier than she’d been in a long while, but it wasn’t the landscape that was putting a smile on her face – it was the landscaper. Thoughts flew around in his head, the image of his mother and another woman making him intensely uncomfortable. Trying to compose himself, he caught a glimpse of his sister’s calm face and said, “I think you’re right. The project is probably keeping her happy.”

“Hey, Trev?  We’ll never get so old that a few boulders and a little stream will make our whole summer, will we?”

“Nah, not us, Hayley.” He gave his sister a forced smile, hoping that his suspicions were only that.

***

Both of the Graham women were sad to have Trevor gone, and they picked feebly at their dinner. The silence was companionable, but Abby finally broke it. "We might as well admit how much we're gonna miss Trevor and get it over with."

Hayley looked at her for a moment, then Abby watched her daughter’s face transform as her eyes closed and her lower lip started to tremble. "I hardly got to see him at all," the younger woman said. She wiped her eyes with her napkin, angry with herself for crying so easily.

Abby reached out and covered her hand, then slipped her fingers around her daughter's. "I know it's hard, honey. I feel the same way when you leave. God," she sighed, "I was a basket case when you left for school last September. Pam and Maria and Ellen each called me every day for two weeks. I think they were afraid I was gonna hang myself."

The young woman stared at her mother. "Is that true? Was it that hard for you?"

Laughing softly, Abby said, "I wasn't suicidal, honey. There's no way I'd put as much work into raising you two as I have and not stick around to see the results."

"But you were sad?"

"Of course I was sad!" Abby looked at her daughter as if she'd asked if the dogs could talk. "I cried every day for at least a month! I can't count the number of times I lay on your bed and cried – knowing you wouldn't be coming home that night. It was rough."

"Damn, Mom, why didn't you tell me?"

Abby squeezed her hand and shook her head briefly. "That's one of the pains of parenthood, baby. You don't burden your kids with your problems. I want you to have your own life, and going away to college is the best way I can think of to start. I would never want you to be worried about me. I know you had your own problems adjusting."

"I feel like such a jerk!" Hayley said. She pulled her hand away and stood to clear the table. "I was on the phone every other day complaining about some stupid little thing! I never would have done that if I'd known you were sad."

Abby got up as well and caught Hayley at the sink. She wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin on her shoulder. "I loved that you called me so often. It didn't matter what we talked about. I was happy that you trusted me to help you work out some of your problems."

"I do trust you, Mom. I don't think I knew how lucky I was until this year. Some of the women I've met have horror stories about their mothers that you wouldn't believe!"

"Sure I would," Abby said. "I've met some dreadful parents. Especially when you were in high school. Some of those parents should have been investigated by the state!"

"I never noticed," Hayley said. She leaned back a little and put her head on her mother's shoulder. "I wasn't aware of a lot of things in high school. I feel like I'm waking up and seeing the world now that I'm in college."

Abby tilted her head and kissed Hayley's cheek. "I hope you always know that I'm here for you, baby. No matter what, I'm on your side."

Hayley slipped from her mother's embrace and began to clear the remainder of the dishes. She made a comment that sounded like it was tossed off casually, but Abby heard the implied question. "You're not always on my side, Mom. You wouldn't like it if I started bringing guys home to stay overnight."

"No, I wouldn't like it," Abby said. She leaned against the counter and crossed her legs at the ankle, her arms crossed over her chest. "I not only wouldn't like it, I wouldn't allow it. But that doesn't mean I'm not on your side. I love you when I have to say no as well as yes."

"I like the yeses better," Hayley said, grinning slyly. "And I'm not so sure you'd stop me from bringing a date home."

"Then you'd better not try me," Abby said. "Because you'd be very embarrassed. I'm not kidding around about this, Hayley. No overnights until you're very serious about a boy, preferably engaged."

The girl stopped and stared at her mother. "That's not gonna happen, Mom. Marriage might have worked in earlier times, but it doesn't work in the twenty-first century. Haven't you read the statistics? Over half of all marriages end in divorce! People don't think of marriage as a permanent thing anymore. It's dating … until you're sick of each other."

"Statistics can be misleading, Hayley. A lot of people believe in marriage. I do; your father did. All of our close friends are still with their spouses or partners."

"But you're from the previous generation," Hayley explained. "You were at the tail end of the trend."

Abby laughed, trying to force her eyes not to roll. "It's not a trend, honey. It's a way to have deep meaning in your life. There’s nothing more satisfying than having someone in your life whom you trust completely, who's your friend and lover and playmate all rolled into one. Being married gave me security and a structure that I loved."

"Yeah? Where did all of that security and meaning get you? Dad's gone, and you haven't had any of that stuff for five years! Don't you miss it?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?" Abby asked. She went to the table and sat down, looking at her daughter in puzzlement. "How can you even ask that? I miss your father more than I could ever begin to tell."

"No, not Dad. I know how much you miss him," the girl said. "But you could have some of the things you had with Dad if you'd loosen up."

"Loosen up?"

"Yeah. You told me you've been dating. Where are those guys?"

Abby let out a wry laugh. "I haven't clicked with anyone. I've liked a few of them, but they didn't like me enough to call me again."

Hayley looked suspicious. "Come on … that can't be true."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, honey, but it is true."

"Something's wrong here." Hayley sat down and looked at her mother for a moment, then asked, "What do you tell these guys?"

Thinking about the question for a minute, Abby said, "I tell them about your Dad, and I tell them about you and Trevor. I tell them about the things I'm involved in and the sports I like. The usual stuff." She smiled. "I don't know if you've noticed this, but on first dates, men like to do most of the talking."

"Yeah, I've noticed," Hayley said, chuckling. "But think about it, Mom, why should a guy call you again? Maybe men weren't this way when you were young, but nowadays, they like to get laid. If one of the guys you liked drove you home and you asked him in for sex, you'd at least fill some of the void."

"Void?" Abby managed to get out. "What void?"

"The void in your life since Daddy died. Wouldn't you be happier if you were having good sex?"

"Oh, Hayley." Abby rested her forehead on her open hand and tried to think of where to start. "I don't know who has convinced you that most women like no-attachments sex. It's not true, honey. It takes a while to know someone well enough to mesh with him sexually. God, what would you do on the date? Tell him what positions you like? How you like to be touched? What you will or won't do? Why not have a card printed up with your requirements?"

"That's not a bad idea, Mom. It's more honest that way. If you like him enough to go out with him, and you get along well on the date – why not have sex and see if it works?"

Abby's voice started to gain volume. "Because you'd walk away from some great guys! Sex isn't like fitting gears into a machine! It's nuanced and subtle, honey. Every time is different! When you're with someone you love, you learn how to read his signals. Sometimes you want tenderness, and sometimes you want to …" She stopped and shook her head. "This is getting far too specific. I don't want to know the details of your sexual life, and I certainly don't want to talk about mine."

"That's so hypocritical!"

"How's that?" Abby asked.

"You want me to tell you things, but you won't tell me stuff that you do. That's not fair."

"Fair or not, I'm not talking about your father and my sex life. It's too personal, Hayley. Children shouldn't be subjected to that."

"I'm not a child, Mom. I know you and Dad had sex. It's no big deal."

"Yes, it is," Abby said. "It is a very big deal. It was one of the ways we communicated, Hayley. One of the ways we showed how much we loved one another. One of the things that gave us both joy. It was a very big deal, and pulling one of the guys I've been out with into my bed would never, ever come close to replicating what I had with your father."

"You don't know that," Hayley said, unwilling to give up. "You haven't tried it. How many guys did you have sex with before Daddy?"

"Seventy-eight," Abby said, gazing at her daughter calmly.

"Seventy-eight! Jesus, Mom! What the hell was going on with you?"

"Nothing," Abby said. "That was merely a little trick to show you why I won't tell you. There isn't a number I could say that wouldn't be manipulated to fit whatever point you're trying to make. I told you earlier that my sex life is my own business, honey. Before, during, and after my marriage."

"Then mine should be, too," Hayley said.

"I agree! I never have and I never would ask you specifics! You're the one who announced that you were going to stop looking for a boyfriend and start having sex for sex’ sake."

"I'm sorry I brought it up," the girl said.

"I am, too, but only because it lets me see that I haven't impressed upon you how wonderful it is to be in a good relationship."

Hayley looked at her mother for a moment, then said quietly, "You're not in one now, Mom, and you haven't been in one for five years. If you wanted one, I think you'd have one by now."

Abby stared at her daughter for a moment, then got up and went outside, both dogs trailing behind her. She sat down and stared at the pool, looking at the tiny ripples that skimmed across the surface. The wind was freshening as it always did in the early evening. The cool ocean breeze had finally made it up the arroyo, and she calmed her racing thoughts as the light wind tossed a few locks of her hair about her head.

She was feeling numb, and she hated the way she and Hayley were interacting. She knew the girl was growing up and trying to find her own way, but she didn't like this new, confrontational style Hayley was developing. Knowing that Hayley was mimicking some of her friends from college, Abby reminded herself that Hayley had a very good foundation, and would probably seem more like her old self in a year or two. But that didn't make things settle well now. She'd never avoided having a talk with Hayley, but now she was almost hesitant to make time for them to be alone.

As the minutes passed, Hayley's words kept coming back, and she began to think about them in depth, eventually seeing her recent choices with a different slant. In her heart, she had to admit that she hadn't been showing her true self to the men she'd been seeing. All they saw was a once-strikingly beautiful, now very attractive middle-aged woman who spent the evening talking about her dead husband and her two kids. Why do I do that? Am I ready to have a relationship, or am I only trying to act like I am?

CHAPTER SIX

Abby invited the O'Connors for a kind of working dinner, thinking she’d kill the proverbial two birds. After an enjoyable meal they made their way to the patio to continue the discussion. Abby, Clancy and John got right down to business, with John pulling out some design suggestions for the pool deck. Hayley looked at Margaret and asked, “Would you like to see the rest of the house? We didn’t have time for a tour before dinner.”

Relieved, the older woman agreed. “I'd love to. This technical talk goes right over my head.”

They examined the house in some detail, Margaret’s innate sense of design leading her to exclaim over many details of the house. She, like her daughter, was drawn to the living room, and she and Hayley sat down on the matching, leather-covered sofas to soak up some of the ambiance. The pair spent a good, long time together, chatting about nothing in particular.

"This is so nice for me," Margaret said. "I don't get to see Clancy in her work environment very often, and it's very reassuring to know she's spending her days with such nice people."

Hayley smiled and said, "It's not only her days, Mrs. O’Connor. We have dinner together almost every night."

The older woman blinked in surprise. "You do?"

"Sure. We changed our schedule around so that we take a three-hour break in the middle of the day. It's hot then, so we swim or nap, then have some lunch. We don't finish until 6:00 or 7:00 – until my mom makes us come in for dinner."

Margaret did her best not to gape. Naps? They take naps together? Dear Lord, don’t tell me this girl is what’s keeping Clancy so busy! Yes she’s attractive, but she can’t be twenty years old!. As the girl continued to speak, Margaret had to admit that except for her age, Hayley was exactly the kind of person she could picture Clancy with. She was remarkably attractive, poised, and very friendly and outgoing. Her mind seemed quick and agile, and her enthusiasm for nearly everything was contagious. I don’t care if she’s a good match! Clancy can’t start dating a girl! It’s bad enough that she wants a woman! I have to talk to John about this! He’ll know how to talk some sense into her.

***

John O'Connor sat at the table, proudly watching his daughter explain her series of beautifully rendered drawings. He'd consulted with her before, but he'd never seen her interact with a client on a social level, and he was impressed. She seems so comfortable, he thought. I feel like a big lug when I'm at a client meeting, but Clancy acts like she was born into this kind of money. He snuck another look at Abby, thinking, Course, having a client like this one would sure make me wanna spend a long time meeting. She's one fine-looking woman. And she's so nice to Clance! He was pulled from his thoughts when Clancy started explaining how she was going to have the hill drain. He looked at her elevation drawing, glad to find it so well thought out. "I think you did a very smart thing to have the water collect into a French drain at the bottom of the slope." He tapped the paper, indicating the expanse of lawn next to the hill. "Good idea to loosen up this soil, too."

"Yeah," Clancy said. "In a bad storm, the French drain could be overwhelmed. I thought that putting a healthy depth of pea gravel under the lawn would take care of any overflow."

"I didn't know you were going to remove the sod," Abby said, looking concerned.

Clancy reached over and touched her hand, and the older woman looked into the reassuring gray eyes. "It's impossible to bring in the kind of equipment we're gonna need and not make a mess of your lawn. As long as we have to re-sod, we might as well do it right." She gave her a smile and said, "Don't worry. It's all included in my estimate."

Abby smiled back at her and said, "Oh, like I'd worry about that." She leaned over and nudged Clancy with her shoulder, grinning at John. "I have to force her to bill me for everything. This is the first time I've hired someone who I feel like I'm taking advantage of."

John looked from one woman to the other, wondering what in the hell was going on. He'd been in the business for a long time, and he'd never had a client touch him and tease him like Abby was doing. Not that I'd mind, he thought to himself. But there's something more than business going on here, and if I know my girl – she's got her eye on Abby!

***

As soon as they were in the car, John gave his wife his most superior smile and said, “Well, that’s one mystery solved.”

“Not so fast,” she said, not wanting him to get the jump on her again. “I figured this one out, too.”

“Oh, did you now?”

“I certainly did, John O’Connor. And I’m nearly sick over it!”

“Oh, Margaret, give the kid a break.”

“Break nothing! It’s not normal, and if she doesn’t snap out of it, you’re gonna have to do it!”

“How do we know we’re talking about the same thing?”

She took out a piece of paper and jotted a few words down. Handing her husband a similar scrap, she said, “Write down what you think is going on.” He smirked at her, but did it. She folded both pieces of paper, then initialed and dated his and had him do the same to hers. “I’m gonna put these away and wait for the mystery to be revealed. I’ll bet you twenty bucks that I’m right.”

“You’re on, big spender. I can already count the money!”

***

On Friday afternoon, Clancy paid her young laborer, giving her cash so she didn't have to go to the bank. “You did a very good job clearing the hill, Hayley. If you're interested, I'll find something else for you to do.”

"You're on," Hayley said. "I've gotta go – I'm going out with my friends tonight. But I'll be ready on Monday morning!" They shook hands, and the girl took off, negotiating the steep hill easily after two weeks of practice.

***

Abby got home just as Clancy was packing her truck. “Hi,” the landscaper said. “Have a nice day?”

“I did not,” Abby said. “My retractable roof wouldn’t come up, and I had to drive home from Beverly Hills in this heat with the sun baking down on my head.”

“Your new car!” Clancy walked over and took a look. “This is a pretty complex system. Having the roof slide into the trunk is no easy feat.” She stuck her hand down on the side of the cowl and rooted around for a moment. With a grunt, she pulled her hand out, revealing a jewel case. “Nelly Furtado,” she said. “Must be Hayley’s.”

Abby ground her teeth together. “Where is she?”

“Luckily for her, one of her friends picked her up a few minutes ago.”

“Lucky, indeed. I have a headache that would kill a lesser woman. My dear girl also managed to make off with my sunglasses the last time she drove the car. All of the glare sure didn’t help this headache.”

“Damn, Abby, you’d better go put your suit on and float in the pool after you take some aspirin.”

“Sounds good, but only if you’ll join me.”

“You’re on, boss. I can’t think of a better way to end the week.”

***

Client and architect floated along on their rafts in a drowsy silence until Abby said, “So, tell me how my baby did during the last two weeks. Was she any help at all?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely. She’s a great kid, Abby. You should be proud of her.”

“I am,” she sighed. “As much as I complain, I love everything about her. She’s like a little tornado around the house – but she’s the cutest little tornado in the whole world.”

“She’s a lot of fun to be around,” Clancy agreed. “We talk a lot on our breaks. It reminds me of just how young a seventeen-year-old is.”

“Her birthday is in July. I'm sure she'll be happy to finally be eighteen. It sounds much older, doesn't it?”

“Yeah, I guess it does. She is in a hurry to grow up, but I guess I was, too.”

The older woman slipped off her raft and said, “I need to swim a bit. Do you mind?”

“No, not at all. Have at it.”

***

Clancy’s idea of a swim was to lie in one spot and let the water cool her fevered body. Abby, however, meant that she wanted to exercise. She staked out her half of the pool and started to churn out laps, slicing through the water with a smooth economy of motion. She was obviously used to swimming regularly, and Clancy wondered if she’d been a competitive swimmer when she was younger. The architect lay on her raft, watching Abby’s body glide through the water, her strokes never hesitating, each one identical, measured, rhythmic and smooth. Clancy had been keeping a rough count, but she eventually lost track and just watched, mesmerized — her eyes drifting time and again to Abby’s round ass which just peeked out of the water as she moved.

She could tell when Abby was nearly finished because her pace slowed, and then, gradually, she stopped. Turning onto her back, Abby kicked through a pair of laps and floated over to Clancy.

“I have a feeling this isn’t your first time in a pool,” the landscaper said.

“No. If I’m not playing golf or running, I usually go up to the aquatics center at the Rose Bowl and peel off fifty or so laps. It clears my head.”

“It keeps you in great shape, too,” Clancy said, unable to keep her eyes off the sleek body that floated next to her.

“Yeah, I do all right for an old lady.”

“Uh-huh. That act might work on some people, but I’m not buying it."

Abby grabbed a raft and hoisted herself onto it. She lay down, her chest moving noticeably from her exertion. She still had a small frown on her face, and Clancy said, "Headache still there?"

"No. I feel all right now. Why?"

"You look like something's bothering you. Are you mad at Hayley for screwing up your car?"

"Oh, God, no!" She laughed. "If I got mad at her every time she or her friends did something thoughtless …" She slipped off her raft and started to tread water so she could stay upright and face Clancy. “I’m not angry, but I'm frustrated with her. We've talked a lot in the last two weeks, and she seems to have missed some of the most important lessons that Will and I tried to impart."

"Commitment?" Clancy asked.

"Yes, commitment is part of it, but I thought we modeled how rewarding it can be to find a partner and work on your relationship. She seems to think that sex is fulfilling with or without love – or even deep attraction! I don't know where she got that idea!"

"That's probably what she sees at school and on TV. Her peers are more influential than you are right now."

"I know, I know," Abby said, clearly frustrated. "That's been true for years. I just thought that my influence would have gotten in by now."

"Now you know how my mom felt," Clancy said, making a face.

Abby looked at her for a moment, then shook her head. "Because of your lesbianism?" Clancy nodded and Abby said, "That's not the same thing at all. I'd much rather have Hayley fall in love with a woman than have indiscriminate sex with a man."

Clancy was obviously surprised by her friend's answer. "I'm stunned," she said. "Do you really feel that way?"

"Of course. There's nothing wrong with lesbianism."

"Boy, I wish my mom felt that way. She still thinks it's unnatural."

Abby nodded. "Maybe I feel this way because I understand the attraction.” She stared up at the hill while Clancy waited for her to continue. “There’s something very … organic about loving someone of your own sex. I mean, I don’t think of my friends sexually, but I can see how easy it might be to breach the friend barrier and become lovers — given the right circumstances.”

Clancy smiled at her friend, her heart beating rapidly as she considered how open Abby seemed to the idea of making love to another woman. “Wow."

"That surprises you?" Abby looked pleased.

"Yeah. Very much. The way you talk about Will …"

"I loved Will with my whole heart, but if things had been different back at UCLA, I could have wound up with a woman. Circumstances can make a huge difference in a life."

Clancy nodded, still tingling all over. "I don't think I had much choice in the matter. Really … my mom wasn't paying attention."

“Your mom?” Abby asked.

“Yeah. I acted like a baby dyke from the time I was a little girl. I dressed like my dad, I imitated everything he did. Heck, I had a little metal shovel when I was three! I used to go with him to job sites and dig little holes while he was excavating for a pool.” She laughed, thinking back to those pleasant memories.

“I was a little tomboy myself,” Abby told her. “That doesn’t make you gay.”

“No, of course it doesn’t,” Clancy agreed, “but my tomboy period never ended. I was dreaming about other little girls as early as I can remember, and I've never stopped. I wasn’t very forthcoming with my thoughts, but my mom should have noticed something when I never had a boyfriend. I think she was trying to ignore the signals."

"You could be right," Abby said. "It's hard to face things about your children that make you uncomfortable."

"Hayley’ll come around. I predict she goes through a lot of phases before she figures out who she is."

***

After they’d floated a while longer, Clancy saw Abby repeatedly press against her temples with her fingertips. “Now your headache's back, isn't it?”

“Yeah. Must be the glare. I think I’ll take a nap — that usually helps.”

Clancy looked at her friend and saw the lines of tension around her eyes and the tight, drawn set of her mouth. She wasn’t sure why she offered, but something told her that Abby didn’t want to be alone. “You know, Michael sometimes gets a lot of tension in his neck and shoulders. He’s taught me how to give a great shoulder massage. How about it?”

A tiny sparkle flickered to life, and Clancy saw the longing in Abby’s eyes. “I would be eternally grateful for that, Clancy. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I did.”

They got out of the pool and dried off quickly. It was such a beautiful afternoon now that the sun had cleared the back of the house that Clancy suggested they stay outside. She knew that nothing filled Abby’s soul as much as sitting on her patio, listening to the birds chirp, so she made a simple request. “I can’t bear to put those grimy, wet clothes back on, but it might get cool soon. Could I borrow one of Hayley’s T-shirts?”

“Sure. I’ll get you one.” Abby came back with a T-shirt for Clancy and a sky-blue tank top for herself. She also had a bottle of vanilla-scented massage lotion in her hand. “I’m ready for you,” she said, smiling tentatively.

Clancy sat on one of the cushioned lounge chairs and scooted around until she was snug against the back. She dropped her feet to the sides and motioned for Abby to sit between her legs. “Come on down,” she said, smiling up at her.

The older woman did, sitting rather stiffly until Clancy began to knead her shoulders. “Oh, my God,” she moaned after just a few minutes. “Those hands are lethal weapons.”

Clancy chuckled. “Manual labor gives you nice, strong hands. This isn’t too hard, is it?”

“Ooh, right on the edge of pain,” Abby sighed. “Just perfect.”

They were both quiet for a few minutes, with Clancy’s powerful hands digging deep into the tense muscles. After a while, Abby’s head began to move with the pressure, and soon after that it began to loll back and forth. “Someone’s starting to relax,” Clancy murmured softly.

“I’m nearly unconscious.”

Clancy stopped her massage. “Let me get up for a sec.” Abby leaned forward and watched as Clancy extracted herself from the lounge chair, then brought another one to face in the opposite direction. She scooted it next to Abby’s chair and then sat down, facing her friend. Stretching her legs out, she patted her thigh and urged, “Come rest your head on my lap. I’ve got a good nap waiting for you right here.”

Abby’s eyes lit up in surprise with a good measure of hesitation thrown in. “Really?”

“Sure. You really look like you need a little loving care, Abby. Let me help.” She patted her lap again and gave her friend a warm smile.

Abby turned around and moved her torso onto Clancy’s chair, then settled her head onto her lap. She was a little hesitant to accept such an intimate touch from her friend, but she was concurrently so ridiculously grateful to have someone soothe her that she pushed down her discomfort and tried to relax. Clancy’s hands moved through her hair, making row after row of the short strands stand up straight and then fall gently. “Do you like to feel my nails?” she asked softly.

“Yes,” Abby hissed, finding herself hypnotized by the sure, confident touch. “Good lord!”

“Feels nice, doesn’t it?” Clancy’s calm, soothing voice sounded like it was miles away, and Abby felt herself sink into the half-conscious state that a good head rub carried her to. She was awake enough to feel the strong, defined muscles in the younger woman’s thighs, to detect her clean, chlorine smell, to feel the warmth of her skin against her cheek, but she was too blissful to comment on any of it. Nor was she able to thank her friend for the nicest gift she could remember receiving in quite a while.

As Abby’s body relaxed further, a surprising thought came unbidden to the very edge of her conscious mind. Mmm … was I lying before, or do I think of my friends in a sexual way? She snapped out of her tranquil state, unable to push the thought aside. I don’t know where this is coming from, but I feel like I could jump the friendship barrier with Clancy. Something about her touch is so soothing — but so stimulating. Pressing her thighs together, Abby acknowledged, She’s stimulating a lot more than my emotions, too. Damn, no one has made me throb like this in five years! She tried to control her physical response — to reassure herself that having someone, anyone, touch her in such a gentle way would arouse her. But she was unable to disabuse herself of the surprising depth of her feelings for the woman who caressed her so lovingly. Will you stop worrying? You’re not a dog! You don’t have to give in to every passing impulse — and that’s what this is. Just relax and enjoy it. You might not get another head rub for five more years!

Clancy had a hard time telling whether Abby was awake or asleep. Her breathing was slow and rhythmic, but her eyes were still under her lids and her face bore some faint lines of tension. She kept up the gentle rub, mixing in delicate little scalp scratches, never letting her hands still. Finally, after a very long time, she heard Abby’s breathing grow deeper and saw her jaw drop open just a little, and she knew she was asleep.

She spent the next two hours merely observing the sleeping woman, relishing the closeness and the feel of the head in her lap. It was more moving than thrilling — Clancy having bundled away her romantic feelings for the afternoon. She had banished all such thoughts, caring only that she could provide some comfort for a friend who needed a little support.

Even though she had her lust firmly in check, Clancy couldn’t hide her love for the gentle creature that she held. Her heart swelled with affection and warmth for the lovely woman, made even lovelier by sleep. When she was fully asleep, Abby’s face softened, and the years melted away. She actually looked a good ten years younger, and though part of Abby’s appeal was her age, Clancy liked seeing some of the youthful charm back on the beautiful face — if only to remind her that it was still there, just waiting to be tapped.

The blue eyes, now tightly shuttered, moved quickly beneath their lids, Abby obviously deep in a dream. The sun had nearly set, and though both women were dry, the evening breeze was a little cool on Clancy’s bare skin. Thinking that Abby might be cold too, she reached as far as she could and just managed to snag a dry towel. She shook it out and laid it lengthwise along Abby’s long body, now curled up tight on the chair next to her. Running her hands down the cool skin of the sleeping woman’s arm, Clancy let herself enjoy the sensation of being able to calm and soothe her friend, and she decided right then that if this was all they were ever able to share, she would consider herself very lucky. Abby was such a generous, loving soul that Clancy was determined to accept whatever she was able to give — and be completely grateful for it.

By the time Abby stirred, Artemis was lying on the end of her lounge chair, curled up against her legs and providing needed warmth. Athena was lying on Clancy’s chair, providing the same for her. Abby let out a small groan and wiped lazily at her eyes. Her eyes shot open after a moment, and she gasped, “Why is it dark?”

“Uhm … science wasn’t my best subject, but I think it’s because the sun’s on the other side of the earth for half of every day.”

Summoning up all the energy she could, Abby slapped weakly at Clancy’s bare thigh. Her hand lingered there for a moment, then she rotated her head and met the architect’s eyes. “You’re freezing!”

“No, I’m not,” Clancy assured her. “I’ve got your nice warm head on my lap, and Athena’s nice warm body against my shins. There’s about six inches of cold skin — your hand just happened to land on it.”

Abby rolled over and said, “I don’t really believe you, but I’m going to act like I do.” She directed a grateful look at her friend and said, “Thank you for this. I haven’t felt this cared for in years.”

Clancy was still idly playing with the short, stiff hair at the back of Abby’s head. “I’m surprised you and Hayley don’t trade head rubs.”

Shaking her head gently, Abby said, “No, we don’t. I still rub her head or give her a backrub when she’s having trouble relaxing, but I don’t ever ask for one for myself.” She looked at Clancy and said, “I’m always cognizant that I’m her mother — I’m here to provide for her not to ask her to do the same.”

“Don’t you think that changes over time?” Clancy asked. “Didn’t it change with your mom?”

Abby stretched languidly, getting out the kinks that her position had created. “Yes, I suppose it started to change when I was in my thirties and has gotten much more pronounced in the last few years,” she mused. “I feel more like my mother’s friend now. But that comes at a price, too. I would never ask her for a head rub, even though I’m sure she would happily give me one. Our dynamic has changed, and I think we’ve lost that physical connection for good.”

“I guess things have just started to change with my mom and me,” Clancy decided. “I suppose Hayley is a little young to think of you as a friend.”

“She is,” Abby agreed. “She’s gonna need a mom for quite a few more years.” She groaned and said, “I hope she realizes that.” She sat up slowly, then reached down and patted Clancy’s warm, sleep-creased thigh. “Thank you again for this. It really helped.”

“You’re welcome. I know it can be hard being a mom, Abby. I know my mom was at the end of her rope with me many, many times.”

“Really?” Abby asked, surprised. “You seem so level-headed.”

“Well, I am now, but my mom and I had many tests of will.”

“Like?”

“Well, my tattoo is a good example,” Clancy said, reflexively rubbing her arm. “I was going to get a nice laurel wreath around my ankle, but my mother forbade me to. So, of course, I had to get a much bigger tattoo in a much more visible place. Thank God I like it, or I’d be kicking myself every time I wore a sleeveless shirt.”

Abby reached out and traced one of the small ivy leaves. “I like it, too. It suits you.”

Now that Abby was fully awake and exhibiting her more playful side, Clancy allowed her libido to return in full force. Her skin felt hot as the cool digit traced along it — like Abby’s finger was a red-hot branding iron. She shivered from the sensation, and Abby read the shiver, but misinterpreted it. “You’re getting chilled. Let’s go inside.”

Following meekly along, Clancy stood in the kitchen feeling a little uncomfortable. She was still in her swimsuit, and the T-shirt didn’t quite cover her. The air conditioner had been on and the house was very cool, making Clancy’s nipples pop out. Abby gave her a quick glance and said, “Let me get you something to put on. We can put your clothes into the washer so you can bear to put them on again.”

“Are you sure?” Clancy asked. “I don’t want to put you out.”

“How is doing a tiny load of laundry going to put me out? Now hand ‘em over.”

“I just thought you might have something you’d rather do this evening,” Clancy persisted.

“If you weren’t here, I’d probably lie on the couch and watch TV,” she said. “Having you here is very nice.” She gazed at her for a second and quickly added, “But if you’re ready to go home …”

“No. I’d much rather stay here with you. I really enjoy your company, Abby.”

“I do, too,” Abby smiled warmly. “Now give me your clothes, and we can have a nice evening doing laundry together.”

***

The pair watched a DVD while Clancy's clothes were in the washer. Neither woman talked much, but Clancy was hyper-alert for any more clues as to how Abby felt about her. She didn't learn much, to her displeasure, because Abby was her usual self: upbeat, witty, polite, and very hard to read.

When the clothes were in the dryer, the architect recalled that she'd forgotten to share some news with her client. "I got a good lead on some well-worn boulders and rocks not far from the Merced River,” she announced. “It'll take about four hours to get there, but driving is the only way to go since it’s three hours from the closest airport. Do you still want to take a road-trip?”

“What’s your feeling about this? I don’t mind going, but I really don’t want to waste that long in the car if these aren’t what we’re looking for.”

Giving her a long look, Clancy said, “I think we’ll like them, but I can’t be sure until I see ‘em. Tell you what — I’ll drive up this Saturday. If I like ‘em, I’ll take some pictures. Then you can decide.”

“No, no, we decided to make this into a little getaway. I still want to do that. Would we go up and back in the same day?”

“Well, we could. How do you feel about eight hours in the car?”

“Not very good. Are there any nice places to stay?”

“Nice? I doubt it. Rustic, bucolic, pastoral — I might be able to arrange.”

“Rustic, huh?” Abby asked speculatively. “Oh, what the hell. It’s not like my social calendar is so full. Could we go next Saturday morning?”

“Yeah. That could work out great. I’ll make the arrangements.”

"Find us someplace nice if possible," Abby said. "A roaring fire, a big, redwood hot-tub. We might as well mix as much fun in as we can, right?"

Clancy almost had to pinch herself to stop her mind’s eye from dwelling on an image of Abby, completely naked, playing footsie with her in a big, bubbling hot-tub, a sky full of twinkling stars forming a canopy over their heads. "Right," she said. "Fun is definitely on the agenda."

CHAPTER SEVEN

The first day of work with the full crew went better than Clancy had expected. She'd been worried that her attention would be too fragmented for her to keep an eye on Hayley and make sure she wasn't asking the girl to do too much, and she was pleased when that wasn’t the case. She ate lunch outside under a tree with her crew, while Hayley went inside to make herself something. The young woman had been gone for a few minutes when Ramon, the crew chief, walked over and sat down next to Clancy. "The girl … why's she here?"

Ramon always cut to the chase, and Clancy knew it would be a waste of time to lie to him. "I like this family. We've been having dinner together and hanging around. Hayley wanted to help, and she's an extra pair of hands."

"She's worth $7, no more. She can't dig, she can't climb, she has no muscles."

Clancy nodded. "You're probably right, but she can still help out. Let's treat her like we treat Armando's son when he helps."

"Armando's son is thirteen years old," Ramon said. "All he does is carry branches and rocks away. And you pay him $7."

"I know that," Clancy said. "And that's probably what Hayley will be doing. So feel free to give her orders. Just don't ask her to do anything too hard. I don't want her to hurt herself."

While they were talking, Hayley emerged from the house. She looked around and found Clancy, and a beautiful smile bloomed. She was carrying two Popsicles – one obviously for Clancy.

Ramon stood and made a clucking sound with his tongue. "Ah, I think I see why the girl is here. Why do you try to hide things from me, jefa?"

"I'm not hiding anything, Ramon," Clancy said through gritted teeth. "She's seventeen years old!"

"My mother had two children by that age," Ramon said, laughing to himself as he took up a place near the rest of the men.

Hayley approached and held out a cherry Popsicle. "Thought you might like something cold," she said.

"Thanks, Hayley." Clancy accepted the confection and smiled when she put it into her mouth. "It's been a long time since I've had one of these. It's just the thing on a warm afternoon."

Hayley nodded, working to keep the melting treat from running onto her hand. She had a decidedly sensual way of licking the Popsicle, and Clancy wondered if it was unintentional. Hayley hadn't given her any vibes, and had spoken exclusively of guys when they'd chatted, but something seemed a little different today, and Clancy was fairly certain that she wasn't imagining it.

As soon as she was finished with her ice, Clancy stood up, the stick still in her mouth. She brushed off her pants and walked along the hill, making sure that everything was being done perfectly. Although she was working closely with the crew, she was no longer acting as a laborer. Now she was really doing her job—directing, supervising, and troubleshooting. It was still tiring, but it wasn’t as physically exhausting as her two weeks of pick and shovel work had been. The weather had also cooled off a bit—temperatures were now in the eighties—a welcome change from the heat.

Abby came home around 4:00—having been in and out since Clancy and the crew arrived. She had joined her usual foursome for a round of golf, mostly to keep herself busy and out of the way. She knew it would be hard to avoid watching Hayley to make sure she wasn't overtaxing herself, and she was absolutely not going to act like an over-protective mother, no matter how great the temptation.

She stood at the sliding glass door and allowed herself the guilty pleasure of observing clandestinely for a few minutes. Seeing Clancy, she smiled warmly at the younger woman, who looked completely adorable in what Abby thought of as her uniform. Today’s sock selection was a wild one—bright purple with a red and gold print, and her baseball cap echoed the purple color. She is so damned cute, Abby thought, seeing just a few locks of white-blonde hair sticking out of the back of the cap.

Clancy was standing on the side of the hill, her clipboard thrust against her hip—checking off items while she conversed with Ramon. She pointed with her pen, gesturing all around the yard while he nodded at her. A substantial-sounding engine was rumbling, and Abby couldn’t put a damper on her curiosity any longer. She walked out onto the patio and discovered one of the men using a rather large contraption along the lot line. Clancy was speaking loudly to be heard over the noise, and when it shut off abruptly, Abby could hear Clancy speaking in a very natural-sounding Spanish.

Ramon barked out a few orders, also in Spanish, then Clancy nodded, said, “Bueno,” and headed down the hill. Abby smiled at the graceful, unconcerned way the architect navigated the steep slope—looking as though she’d been doing so her whole life. The landscaper was about halfway down when she spotted Abby, and the older woman felt her heart skip a beat at the decadent pleasure of having someone’s face light up just because of her. Her smile echoed her happiness.

“You speak Spanish so well,” Abby said when the younger woman drew near. "I hope you're not saying anything that Hayley needs to hear, though. It’s all she can do to order dinner in a Mexican restaurant."

"No, both Ramon and I speak English," Clancy said, smiling. "We've got Hayley busier than a one-armed paperhanger." She pointed to the far end of the hill, where Hayley was putting rocks into a wheelbarrow. "We're trenching to get ready to put in the posts for the wall. The trencher kicks out the big rocks, and we've got Hayley picking them up. Doesn't make sense to leave them on the hill."

"Is she capable of doing that?" The hill looked higher from this vantage point, and Abby could easily envision her daughter falling down it.

"Oh, yeah. I told her to only fill it half-full, then take it down to the dumpster. I can guarantee one thing," Clancy said. "She'll never work harder for twelve bucks an hour."

"I think it's good for her," Abby said. "I'm worried that she'll hurt herself, but I guess she'll recover from a few scrapes and blisters."

"I've been doing this since I was a kid, and I can count my scars on the fingers of one hand."

"There’s something we can do in Merced," Abby said, giggling. "We can sit in the hot-tub and show each other our war wounds."

Clancy managed a smile, deciding to redouble her efforts to find a motel that had a hot-tub—or build one herself.

***

By the middle of the week, the posts for the wall were in, and the men had set the first course of concrete block. Now Hayley was mixing mortar and carting it up the hill, having learned the art of a proper mix from Clancy.

The architect had been impressed with how intent Hayley was on doing the job right. She listened to the instructions like Moses before the burning bush, and she was so serious about it that Clancy tried to joke to relax her. "Nobody's gonna die if you do this wrong once or twice, Hayley. If it's too runny, just add some more Quikset. If it's too stiff, add more water. No biggie."

"But I want to do it right," she said earnestly. "I don't want to disappoint you. I know you're counting on me."

"Yeah, I am, but you've been great so far. Don't sweat it."

"I see how much it means to you to do a good job," Hayley said. "So it means that much to me, too."

Clancy gave her a slightly puzzled look, patted her on the back and said, "A good work ethic will serve you well." As she walked away, she wasn't sure, but she had a feeling that Hayley was staring at her. Her suspicions were confirmed when she met Ramon at the top of the hill. "Either your shorts are on fire, or the girl likes to watch you walk away, jefa."

The architect yanked off her baseball cap and wiped her forehead dry. "My mother's in Sierra Madre, Ramon. She's the only one I need."

***

On Friday afternoon, Hayley hung around while the crew was cleaning off their tools. "Have any plans tonight?" she asked Clancy, her tone having a forced casualness to it.

"No. I'm beat by Friday. I usually go home, get into the tub, and read a book until I fall asleep. I'm almost always in bed by 10:00."

"Clancy! You're wasting your life! Let's go do something tonight. I'm full of energy!"

"I can tell," Clancy said, watching the younger woman's body twitch. "But I'm full of lethargy. Why don't you go out with your friends?"

"Well, I can, but they're not as much fun as you are."

"They must be a pretty tame group," Clancy laughed. "Do you hang out with a bunch of senior citizens?"

"No, silly." Hayley playfully pushed Clancy, allowing her hand to stay on the landscaper's shoulder. "Boy, you're so strong. You could probably pick me up with one hand."

Oh, no, I couldn't, Clancy thought. My hands are going nowhere near your body! "I'm not much into picking people up," Clancy said. "Besides, by Friday night, I'm too tired. Go have fun with your friends," she said. "I'm going home to my bath."

"You're missing out," Hayley said, trying to lure the architect into changing her mind.

"I'm sure I am, but this old body likes to relax on Fridays."

"Okay."

Hayley turned and walked into the house, making Clancy sigh with relief. From over her shoulder she heard a soft voice ask, "Why do you not go with the girl? She'll make you feel young again."

All Ramon earned for his remarks was a glare.

***

Abby got home as Ramon was driving away with the crew. She waved at the men and pulled up next to Clancy, who was getting into her truck. "Ready to go?"

"Yep. I love Friday nights," Clancy said, giving her friend a wan smile.

"Big plans?"

A Mercedes SUV pulled up next to Abby, and an attractive, young blonde woman lowered the window. "Hi, Mrs. Graham," the girl said. "Is Hayley ready?"

"I didn't know you were going out together, Kerry. Go ahead and honk."

The young woman did, and seconds later, Hayley ran out of the house. She looked like she'd had a relaxing day at the beach, and Clancy realized how long it had been since she was seventeen. Hayley winked at Clancy, saying quietly, "Last chance."

Clancy shook her head and waved. "Have a good time."

"Be home by 1:00 or call me," Abby said.

"We'll be home early, Mrs. Graham," Kerry said.

"Have fun," Abby called out as Hayley got in the car.

They pulled away, and Abby said, "Do you ever wish you were in college again?"

"Nope."

"Me either," Abby said, laughing. "Once was enough. Oh! You were telling me about your big plans."

"I plan on going through the drive-through window at Taco Bell, taking a long bath, and being in bed by 10:00."

"You're a wild one," Abby said.

"What about you?"

"Oh, I'll make myself dinner. I thought Hayley would be home, so I've got far too much." She cocked her head and asked, "Would you like her swordfish? I have some mango/papaya salsa for it, and I was going to oil roast some little potatoes and squash."

"Gosh, Abby. I don't know if I can give up my Burrito Supreme."

She was giving her friend a charming grin, and Abby said, "Let's go put our suits on and sit in the Jacuzzi while the barbeque grill warms up."

"There isn't a word that's come out of your mouth that isn't absolutely fantastic," Clancy said, smiling at the mere thought of the evening to come.

***

After relaxing in the Jacuzzi, Clancy swam a few laps to cool off while Abby cooked dinner. They ate outdoors, the warm night perfect for dining in wet swimming suits. After they'd finished, they both took showers to rinse off the chlorine, and by 8:30, they were in the family room, relaxing on the huge sectional that covered two walls.

Abby had on a pair of well-worn, pink flannel boxers and a roomy, lightweight, sky blue sweatshirt. Since Clancy's clothes were filthy, Abby had loaned the landscaper an outfit—a pair of green and gold silk paisley boxers, courtesy of Hayley. A gold T-shirt strained across her shoulders, Hayley being the same height but significantly narrower through the shoulders than the muscular landscaper.

They had raided the refrigerator for dessert, but the only thing that appealed to either of them was a quart of fresh strawberries that had caught Clancy’s attention as soon as they entered the kitchen. Abby saw her eyeing the fruit and suggested, “Wanna experience one of my favorite munchie-slaying snacks?”

“Why, Mrs. Graham, I believe you're referring to being baked. Do you still partake of the evil weed?”

“No,” Abby said, laughing lightly. “I stopped after college. It’s so tiring having kids, that the last thing you want is to intentionally make yourself more tired.”

“That makes sense,” Clancy said. “It doesn’t make me tired, but it makes me want to get horizontal. Since there’s nothing worse than being massively horny and all alone, I don’t do it very often, either.”

“This is more fun, anyway,” Abby decided. “We can have the munchies without the sexual side effect.”

I’ve already got that one, Clancy moaned to herself. In those snug little boxers, you look good enough to eat.

They sat next to one another with a tray filled with plump red strawberries, chunks of sliced banana, a saucer full of brown sugar and another filled with sour cream. Abby showed her friend a few of her favorite variations, and Clancy quickly decided that she was a fan of the taste treat. They had eaten over half of the berries when Clancy said, “The only thing we need is a dish of melted chocolate. Then I’d be in heaven.”

“Get ready to meet St. Peter,” Abby informed her. As the older woman got up to walk into the kitchen, Clancy followed the slow twitch of her hips, unconsciously licking her lips at the sight of Abby’s firm, round ass. She had seen her friend in shorts, slacks, a swimsuit, and even tight jeans, but nothing else she wore had ever shown off her shapely ass as much as the slightly snug boxers.

I’ve gotta get a grip here, Clancy said, trying to slow her rapidly beating heart.

Abby reappeared a few moments later and handed Clancy a bottle of champagne. “Will you open this for me? Nothing goes better with chocolate than champagne.”

“What are we celebrating?” Clancy asked, accepting the bottle.

Thinking for a moment, Abby said, “We’re celebrating the fact that it's Friday, and we have a bottle of champagne in the refrigerator.” She turned on her heel, and Clancy laughed along with her, managing another long look at her departing form.

Abby came back with two champagne flutes and said, “I’m out of the chocolate I like best. I called the market, and they’re going to bring some over.”

“You ordered chocolate? Just chocolate?”

“No,” Abby said, smiling. “I also ordered some more of these strawberries and another bottle of champagne.” She shrugged and said, “We might not need it, but I like to be prepared.”

“I had no idea the market delivered,” Clancy said as she began to pour.

“Well, they have a minimum order. The wine helped meet it.”

“I’m not even gonna ask,” the blonde said. “I never spend more than twenty bucks at a time there.”

“It was a little more than that,” Abby said, smiling enigmatically. She sat next to Clancy and held out her glass. “It’s a nice champagne that I was saving for a special occasion. I think this counts.” She clinked her glass against Clancy’s and said, “To Fridays.”

“To Fridays. Mmm … I know nothing about wine, but this is very, very nice.”

“That’s all you have to know,” Abby said. “Stick with what appeals to you, and you’ll always make the right choice.”

Clancy scooted back to lean against the arm of the sectional, sticking her legs out. She gave the older woman a thoughtful look, took another sip of her wine, and asked, “What appeals to you, Abby? I know you haven’t been able to find the person you’re looking for, but I don’t really know what’s on your list.”

Giving her a sly smile, Abby closed an eye and titled her glass in Clancy’s direction. “I’ll give you my list, if you’ll give me yours.”

“Done. Let’s start with the most obvious element. What type appeals to you?”

“Type? Physical type?” Clancy nodded, and Abby furrowed her brow. “I don’t have an answer for that. I loved the way Will looked—he was big and kinda bulky. He had broad shoulders and powerful arms—like a bigger version of Trevor. It was so nice to lie in his arms and feel him engulf me with his body.” She sipped her wine and said, “But I’ve dated guys who couldn’t snap a pencil in half. So I’d say that the physical package isn’t that big a deal. How about you?”

“Mmm … well,” Clancy said, shifting nervously, “I guess I’m pretty flexible, too.”

“I detect a little prevarication,” Abby said, narrowing her eyes. “Have a little more truth serum and give that question another try.”

Smirking, Clancy drained her glass and held it out for more. “Okay,” she said, taking a breath. “I’ve dated a wide range of physical types, but all of my relationships have been with dark-haired women. I like tall, lanky types, too.” She cleared her throat and added, “I’ve never had any success in landing the type of woman I’m most attracted to, though.”

“Really? That surprises me,” Abby said. “I’d think you could have your choice of women.”

Clancy focused on everything but her friend’s eyes. “No, that hasn’t been true. I think part of the reason I strike out is because I look so young.”

“What does that have to do with it?” Abby asked.

“Uhm … physically, I’m most attracted to older women. I really like the contrast of graying hair with a tanned face. There’s something … I don’t even know what it is, but I’ve always liked that look. But most older women think I’m a kid, and they won’t give me the time of day.”

“Huh,” Abby said, not commenting further. She felt her heart rate pick up and tried to stop her hand from shaking when she poured herself more wine. Steadying her voice, she said, “Okay, you have a preference for type, and I’m pretty flexible. What’s next?”

“Well,” Clancy said, grateful that Abby had not followed up on her comment, “what kind of personality appeals to you?”

Relieved to be back on familiar ground, Abby said, “Oh, that’s easy. I’d love to find someone like Will. He was serious about his work — very professional and competent. But he was a kid at heart. He saw the humor in everything, and he could make me laugh without even trying. I have to have someone who can make me laugh. I won't settle for less.”

“Mmm … that’s important to me, too,” Clancy said. “Life’s too short to be serious all the time.”

“Good answer.” Smiling warmly at her friend, Abby said, “You know, I have to thank you for something that’s very important to me. You’ve helped me learn how to laugh again, Clancy. I’d started to forget how.”

“You haven’t had much to laugh about for quite a few years,” Clancy said, “but if I’ve helped in any way, I’m very glad of that.”

“You’ve definitely helped,” Abby said, grabbing Clancy’s bare foot and giving it a tug. “Some of my friends have been very, very supportive over the past few years, but they treat me so gingerly—like they’re afraid to laugh or tease me. You treat me like I’m my old self.”

“I didn’t know you when you were in your deepest grief,” Clancy said. “It’s probably easier for me.”

“Perhaps,” Abby agreed. Unconsciously, she reached out with her hand and started to trace idle patterns on the sole of Clancy’s foot. “You look a little squished there.” Taking hold of Clancy’s big toe, she pulled the leg onto her lap, then pulled the other foot over as well. "Better?” She looked down at her lap, wondering how Clancy’s feet had gotten there. It felt so natural to touch her friend that she wasn’t sure if she or Clancy had put them there. She was only sure of one thing. She didn’t want her to move them.

Clancy shifted a little, knowing she hadn’t answered Abby’s question, but assuming it was rhetorical.

Abby took a generous drink of her wine to calm her nerves and looked at her friend through the crystal. “What else do you want to know, buddy?”

Uhm … why are you playing with my feet? Not that I want you to stop, of course. … Collecting her thoughts, Clancy managed to ask, “Are you looking for a professional? Someone like Will?”

“No, not necessarily. The problem is that most of the people I meet are professionals—doctors and lawyers and the like, but that’s not important to me. I’m looking for a quality person—not a person who makes a lot of money. I want someone who wants to take it slow and enjoy me and enjoy life. I’m not interested in some high-powered guy who spends all of his time advancing his career. I need someone who gets pleasure from sitting on my front porch and watching the flowers grow.”

She heard the words come from her mouth and blinked rapidly, trying to decide if she should, or could, qualify them. Unable to look up, she filled her glass again and took three deep gulps, letting the wine warm her as it slid down her throat.

Clancy’s soft voice said, “Finding someone who shares my interests and hobbies is important to me, too. I think there are people like that out there for both of us. Heck, maybe I should try my hand at fixing you up. Maybe one of the nurserymen I know would be right for you.”

Giving her a grateful look, Abby said, “We’ll get right on that as soon as things settle down around here.”

“Good idea.” Clancy sipped at her wine, occasionally gazing at her friend. “Maybe you can introduce me to some of your single women friends,” she said, chuckling softly.

“I don’t have many single friends, but I know a few married women who might want to explore a little,” Abby said with a wry smirk.

“No, that’s not my style,” Clancy said. “I take marriage vows very seriously—even if the person who made them doesn’t.”

“That’s an admirable quality,” Abby said. “I guess that’s another thing for my list. I would only seriously date someone who shared my moral code—or at least came close. Some people think the Ten Commandments might not be relevant any longer—but if you follow them, I guarantee you’ll have a peaceful life.”

“I can’t disagree. If you don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t steal, and don’t take advantage of other people, you might lose out to someone who doesn’t have scruples, but you’ll sleep well at night. That’s gotta be more important than money.”

Abby took another sip of her champagne and looked across the room, staring at nothing in particular. Her hand started to travel a little bit, tickling all the way up to Clancy’s knee. “Is it just me, or do our lists match incredibly well?”

“No,” Clancy said, clearing her throat, “it’s not just you, but that isn’t surprising—I think we’re a lot alike.”

“I don’t know if that’s true.” Abby fixed Clancy with an intent gaze and said, “Honestly, you remind me of Will. More than anyone I’ve ever known.”

Clancy gave her a sheepish look and shrugged her shoulders. “Huh. Go figure.” That was smooth. Something is happening here, you dolt! Don’t act like you’re oblivious to it! Maybe she needs a little encouragement!

The doorbell rang, and when Abby went to answer, the younger woman tried to get her breathing under control. What in the hell is going on here? Is she flirting with me? It seems like it, but I’m sure as hell not gonna make a move if she’s not! Fuck, fuck, fuck! This is why it’s so hard to lust after a straight woman!

“Be back in a minute,” Abby said, poking her head into the room.

Shortly after the microwave dinged, she returned with a ramekin filled with rich, dark, melted bittersweet chocolate, the scent wafting up to Clancy’s sensitive nose. “Good God, that smells fabulous.”

Snaring a berry by its dark green stem, Abby dipped it into the luscious chocolate and leaned down to hold it to Clancy’s lips. Nonplussed, Clancy opened her mouth mechanically and bit down when instructed. “Do you like it?” Abby asked softly, her eyes never leaving Clancy’s.

Unable to concentrate with Abby’s eyes boring into her, the younger woman had to close her eyes to be able to answer. “Heavenly,” she said, her voice sounding high to her own ears.

Abby dipped the large berry once again and pressed it to Clancy’s lips. “Open wide,” she said, her voice dropping almost to a whisper.

This time Clancy’s eyes remained open, and she felt the warmth that radiated between them. The older woman held her position for just a moment longer, then looked away as if afraid of what she saw when their eyes met.

She resumed her seat, and over the next several minutes, they quietly devoured the entire supply of berries. There was not a word spoken between them, but Clancy could feel a pull towards Abby that felt like being drawn in by a powerful magnet. Their connection felt like a living, pulsing reality, and she could feel it grow as the moments passed. When the berries were gone, they moved onto the bananas—their taste improved dramatically by the addition of melted chocolate. Still silent, they alternated dipping the sliced bananas into the ramekin, growing a little more playful as each tried to grab the final piece.

“Last bite,” Clancy declared. She held up the chunk and positioned it a foot higher than her mouth, letting a few fat drops of chocolate drip lazily onto her tongue.

“Dibs!” Abby said impishly, and graced Clancy with a sweet smile when the younger woman looked in her direction.

Clancy’s body shifted, and her arm came up to settle onto the back of the sofa. “You want this?” she asked tauntingly, holding the morsel over Abby’s open mouth.

“Yes. I do.”

Clancy stared at the glint of excitement in her friend’s eyes. Abby’s mouth was curled up into a sexy pout, and suddenly, her hand was on Clancy’s bare thigh. Cool, soft fingers started to climb slowly, and when the fingers reached the edge of the boxers, Abby slipped one elegant finger just far enough inside to let Clancy know that she was inviting her to make a move.

Dropping her voice down to its most sensual timbre, Clancy asked, “Are you sure you want it?” Her eyes roamed over her friend, searching for any sign of hesitation.

Abby didn’t respond immediately. Her head was tilted back against the sofa, and she rolled it just enough to be able to look directly into Clancy’s eyes. “I want it,” she whispered, her hand tenderly stroking the warm skin. “I’m surprised, I’m scared, I’m amazed—but I’m sure.”

Clancy dropped the tidbit back onto the tray and closed the scant distance that separated their bodies. She was poised just above her friend and hesitated for a moment, knowing that there was no turning back once she leapt the chasm.

Abby closed her eyes and gently touched Clancy’s shoulder, exerting a slight pressure as she pulled her closer. When they were inches apart, Clancy paused again, just long enough for Abby's blue eyes to flutter open. A small, gentle smile settled onto her lips, and she slipped her hand behind Clancy's neck. She licked her lips and pulled the younger woman closer until their mouths were nearly touching.

Clancy could feel Abby's breath on her face and the heat that radiated from her. She desperately needed to kiss her, but the moment seemed so perfect that she had to savor it—if only for a few seconds. She finally closed the gap, brushing her lips tenderly across Abby’s. She could feel a slight tremor and heard a soft sigh leave the older woman’s parted lips. Then that determined hand was cradling the back of her head again, holding her in place.

“Kiss me again,” Abby whispered.

Her voice was so thrillingly seductive that Clancy pressed herself close and let her mouth eagerly explore the wealth of sensations that Abby’s body presented. The sweet smell of her skin, the warmth of her body, the incredible softness of her lips, the way her mouth opened to welcome Clancy’s searching tongue—all combined to make the younger woman nearly swoon. Her heart was racing, the blood pounding in her veins as she pressed forward, feeling Abby’s body begin to yield to her. Slowly, the older woman reclined onto the seat of the sofa, and she looked up at Clancy with a mixture of wanton desire and stark fear in the depths of her beautiful eyes.

Clancy was shaking noticeably, her entire body coiled with tension. Abby straightened out her legs and pulled the younger woman tightly against her body, letting her eyes close languidly when she felt the firm breasts press against her own. Her hand reached out tentatively when she felt something hard and unyielding, and she slipped her fingers between their bodies to find the substantial ring piercing Clancy’s right nipple.

The move took the younger woman by surprise, and her head lifted as a startled gasp left her lips. “Oh, yes,” she hissed, the sensual sound sending shivers down Abby’s spine.

Both elegantly shaped hands went to Clancy’s head, pulling her down forcefully. Abby’s mouth opened slightly and Clancy’s lips immediately joined hers, crushing their mouths together in a frantic, passion-filled kiss.

Their kisses continued with reckless abandon, the fire between them rapidly growing out of either woman’s control. Clancy fought with herself—reminding her conscience that it was wrong to push Abby if her friend had the slightest doubt. With every bit of discipline she possessed, she lifted her head and paused just above Abby’s red, slightly swollen lips. “Yes?” she asked, holding her breath to await the answer.

Abby gazed at her for a full minute, letting her eyes wander from the damp skin of Clancy’s forehead to the desire-dilated pupils to the flushed cheeks and slightly parted lips, and she heard her own voice, confident and sure, whisper, “Yes. Definitely yes.”

In a heartbeat, Clancy’s mouth claimed hers once again, and the architect’s muscular body began to gently rub against Abby, arousing both women even more. A warm, soft hand crept under the leg of her boxers, and the moment Abby’s fingers grazed Clancy’s curls, the younger woman began to shake. Clancy pushed herself up onto her hands and hovered there for a moment, then maneuvered a foot to the ground and extricated herself from Abby’s body. Abby looked up at her with a mixture of shock and puzzlement, but Clancy soothed the lines from her forehead with her fingertips and said, "We have to talk."

Abby looked stunned, confused, and more than a little disappointed. "Talk? We have to talk now?"

"Yeah. I really, really wish we didn't have to, but we do."

Abby reached out and took Clancy's hand, brushed her lips across it and sat up. She pushed the hair from her eyes, but continued to look down. "It's okay, Clancy. You don't owe me any explanations. Sometimes the reality isn't as good as the fantasy." She finally looked up, and her expression made Clancy's heart break. "Please don't let this ruin our friendship."

Clancy dropped to her knees and took Abby into her arms. She hugged her tight, and placed delicate kisses on her neck, then moved to her cheek, and finally to her mouth. She tried to show her feelings with the kiss, revealing her desire, her need, her regret at having to stop.

When she pulled away, Abby looked more confused than ever. "What is it?"

"It's Hayley," Clancy said.

Immediately, Abby straightened. "Hayley?"

"Yeah.” Clancy sat down, putting her hand on Abby's bare leg to maintain their connection. "I've been getting some … vibes from her. I think she has a crush on me."

Abby's head jerked back as if she'd been shocked. "What? Hayley has a crush on you?"

Smiling, Clancy said, "It's not that hard to believe, is it?"

"No, no, of course not. I mean, I have one." She absently stroked Clancy's thigh. "I never imagined …"

"To be honest, I think this is pretty new for Hayley. I was only certain of it when she asked me to go out with her tonight."

"Go out with her?" Abby shook her head, trying to make this all make sense. "Maybe she thinks of you as a friend. She certainly wouldn't think of it as a date if Kerry was going along."

"No, Abby. Kerry wasn't going to go along. She wanted to go out with me … alone. Right before she got into Kerry's car, she whispered that I could still change my mind. She wanted to go on a date. I'm sure of it."

"Oh, God, why didn't you tell me this?" She held her face in her hands, mumbling something to herself.

"I didn't feel right ratting her out," Clancy said. "Besides, like I told you, I wasn't sure until tonight."

Abby lifted her head and looked at her friend. "If you’d told me tonight, I wouldn't have kissed you. This is hard enough for me without thinking I'm poaching on my daughter's territory."

"I'm not Hayley's territory," Clancy said, wounded. "I'm nobody's territory."

"Oh, Clancy, I didn't mean it that way." Abby touched her friend's leg, gently trailing her fingers back and forth on the soft skin.

"S'okay. I'm just … I'm just pissed that this happened. Damn it, Abby, I've had a crush on you since the day we met. I can't believe that I finally got to kiss you. And then Hayley has to gum up the works with this silly fantasy."

"Silly? Why is it silly?"

"Because I'd never be attracted to a teenager," Clancy said. "I haven't given her any indication that I'm into her. This is all in her mind … like having a crush on a singer or an actress. It's what kids do."

"What do adults do?" Abby asked, giving Clancy a look she couldn't decipher.

"Do you mean us?"

"Yeah. What happened with us?"

"I think we've been giving each other signals … for a while now. Don't you?"

Abby nodded, looking a little embarrassed. "I wasn't sure if you could tell. In a way, I didn't want you to." She looked Clancy in the eye and said, "But in another way, I desperately wanted you to notice. I'm … I'm very, very attracted to you. It scares the hell out of me, but I want to make love to you."

Clancy slid onto the floor and crawled over to slip between Abby's legs. She looked into her eyes while placing her hands on her waist. "There is nothing … nothing in the whole world I'd rather do. I've been nuts about you since the first, Abby, and the more I know you, the more I want you."

Leaning forward just a little bit, Abby draped her arms around Clancy's neck and kissed her. She took her time, kissing her just the way she'd fantasized. She nibbled on her lips, then sucked each one into her mouth, teasing the soft skin with her teeth. Then she pulled her tightly against herself and began to probe her mouth with her tongue, keeping up her sensual investigation until Clancy felt limp and powerless in her arms. When she finally let her go, the younger woman sat back onto her feet, looking like she'd been hit on the head.

"I … I … " Clancy gave up trying to talk. She let out a breath and moved so she could sit on the floor. She brought her hands up to scrub at her face, shaking her head in amazement. "I've never been kissed like that before." She looked into Abby's eyes and said, "Please do it again."

Abby scrambled off the couch, kneeling beside the younger woman. She put her arms around her and pulled her head down to rest on her breast. "I want to," she said, "but I'm so confused." Clancy could feel the heavy sigh that filled her friend's lungs. "I don't know what to do. I want you. I want you so badly. But this is hard for me. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course I understand that. That's why I told you about Hayley. She just has a crush, but I thought it might –“

Abby shook her head, cutting her off. "No, it's hard for me even without bringing Hayley into this. I'm … a straight woman. Or at least that's what I've been for my whole life. That's how I think of myself. But straight women don't lust after other women. Straight women don't lie in bed and touch themselves while thinking of what it would be like to taste another woman." She pulled back and looked at Clancy. "Do they?"

"I don't know, Abby. I guess some straight women have lesbian fantasies –"

"But this is a fantasy that I want to make happen. This is a fantasy that is happening. And every part of me except the rational part wants to take you upstairs and make love to you."

"I don't have a rational part," Clancy said, smiling gently. "So all of me wants to take you up on that offer."

Abby kissed her on the head and got up, stretching her body out. "One of the detriments of motherhood. There's always a rational part." She held her hand out and helped Clancy to her feet. "You're a handful," she said, smiling.

"Yeah. I probably outweigh you, and you're a couple of inches taller than I am."

Abby let out a massive breath, then trailed her fingers down both of Clancy's shoulders and arms, stopping to trace the triceps. "I'd love to see exactly what makes you so sturdy. I love muscles."

Clancy couldn't help herself. She stuck her right arm out and turned it to make the tricep pop. "Never been in a gym in my life," she said. "These are from moving mounds of dirt from one place to another."

"I …" Abby's smile faded. "I have so much I want to say to you. So many things I want to do with you." She brushed her fingers across Clancy's lips. "But I don't know what to do. Do you understand?"

"I don't think I do, Abby. I … I want to, but I don't know what it's like to be a mother, and I don't know what it's like to have feelings for a woman after spending my whole life thinking I was straight."

Giving her a sad smile, Abby said, "Don't forget the part where mother and daughter both have a crush on the same woman."

Clancy took in a breath and prepared herself to tell Abby that she cared about her enough to get beyond any obstacle. But something stopped her. She was sure of her feelings, but she wasn't sure enough of Abby’s to tell her what was in her heart. Instead, she put her arms around Abby's waist and held her, neither of them speaking. After a long time, she said, "I should go. Hayley might be home soon, and I don't think either of us is in the mood to talk to her right now."

"No, I'm certainly not looking forward to it. I think I'll go to bed."

Clancy desperately wanted to go with her, but she knew that wasn’t possible. She smiled a little, and put her hand on Abby's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "It's been a tough night for both of us. Maybe we both need a good night's sleep."

Abby nodded, unable to read a thing from Clancy's wan smile. "I guess I'll see you …"

Clancy took her hand and started to move away. As she did, their arms extended, then dropped to their sides. "I'll bring Hayley's clothes back on Monday." Then she turned and left the room, missing the tears that immediately formed in Abby's eyes.

The dogs went with Clancy, looking confused when they all reached the back door. "Your momma will take you girls out later," the landscaper said. "I've gotta go." She went outside to the accompanying whines of the dogs, scooped up her dirty clothes and boots, then padded down the driveway to claim her truck. She got in and sat there for a minute, feeling more confused and torn than she ever had in her life. "How did such a great evening turn into such a suckfest?" She slammed her hand down on the steering wheel, shaking it and cursing when the pain registered. "Fuck me," she grumbled, then started the truck and drove home.

***

After letting the dogs out, Abby went upstairs, relieved when she heard Hayley enter a short time later. She still couldn't sleep, but at least there was one less thing to worry about. The dogs left her bed, heading downstairs to keep Hayley company.

Abby lay there for a very long time, the jumble of thoughts in her head impossible to sort out. She was incredibly attracted to Clancy, and her sexual desire wasn't even the biggest part of her attraction. She was frightened to admit it, thought there was very little chance of the relationship ever getting off the ground, but she knew she was falling in love. With a woman … fifteen years younger than she … who was solidly situated in a blue-collar lifestyle ... and who her daughter had a crush on. Well, at least we both speak the same language, she thought before thunking her pillow with a fist and trying once more to get comfortable.

***

Clancy was having just as difficult a time at her apartment. She'd had a beer and then another, but she was anxious and wide awake. So she turned on the TV, lay down on the sofa, and watched old movies until she eventually fell asleep.

At dawn the sun hit her right in the eyes, and she stumbled to her feet, finding her way to her bedroom. She flopped down on her futon, fully clothed, hoping to sleep until Abby was ready to be her lover.

***

At 8:30, Abby knocked gently on the door to Clancy's apartment. Michael answered immediately; he was dressed and looked like he was on his way to work. Abby was relieved—not only that he was up, but that he would probably be leaving—giving her some time alone with Clancy.

"Hi, Abby," he said. "Are you and Clance going rock hunting again?"

"No, we don't have plans," she said. "I was in the neighborhood, and I thought she might like to go to the garden center with me. I thought she was usually up early."

"She is," he said. "It's not like her to sleep late. I'll go check on her."

"Oh! No, don't do that. I don't have to see her."

"Hey, don't be silly. She might be in bed reading or something. Sometimes she hangs out in her room."

Before she could stop him, he walked into the hallway that separated the bedrooms and knocked softly. When he didn't hear a response, he poked his head in. "Clance?"

She turned her head a little, her face still partially covered by the pillow. "What?"

"Abby's here. Do you want to see her?"

She was on her feet in a snap. "Abby's here?" She was a little unsteady, and Michael reached out for her.

"Hey, are you okay? You hung over?"

"I'm fine. Just tired. Thanks for waking me."

She walked into the living room with Michael, who said his goodbyes and left for work. Clancy was still trying to appear awake, but her sleep-creased face didn't help matters. "Hi," she said, her voice cracking. "Sorry I'm such a mess."

"Oh, Clancy, I didn't want to wake you up. I mean, I did, but I didn't."

The landscaper shook her head, trying to make the circuits start firing, but she knew that only caffeine and a shower would do that. "I see Michael made some coffee," she said, indicating the pot. "Why don't you pour us both a cup while I take a quick shower."

"If you're sure …"

Clancy put her hands up and lowered them slowly, asking for quiet. "You wouldn't have come over here at this time of the morning if you didn't need to see me. Now just chill for a minute and let me get my brain working." With that, she walked into the bathroom, closing the door quietly.

Abby didn't know what to do. She'd expected a much warmer welcome, and she debated leaving. But she knew that would only make matters worse. She sat down at the kitchen table, and her eyes drifted to a note that Michael had obviously left.

Julie called – again!

She obviously wants what you've got, girl.

Put her out of her misery, but

make sure I'm home to join you when you do it.

Michael

 Abby felt her stomach begin to churn. What kind of person have I gotten myself mixed up with? I thought I knew her!

She was still sitting at the table when Clancy came out of her room, dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue and white print shirt. The architect smiled at her guest and said, "I’ll bet you didn't know I had long pants."

"Oh. Right." Abby gave her a wan smile. "I'm sorry I didn't pour coffee. I didn't feel like having any."

Clancy could sense the distance that Abby was keeping, and it puzzled her. "Are you all right? You look … kinda pissed."

"It's nothing,” the older woman said. "I was just a little put off by how grouchy you were when I first got here."

"Grouchy? I … I didn't realize … but I'm sorry if I was. I had about two hours of sleep, and my head hurts. I had too much champagne, and then I made it worse by having a couple of beers to get to sleep. I really do apologize if I upset you."

"I said it's all right," Abby said tersely. "I'm sorry I came over this early. Maybe we should let things rest for a while and see what happens." Abby stood and said, "Why don't you go back to bed? As a matter of fact, I should do the same. I think I'll go back to bed and start the day over."

"Hey, hey, hey," Clancy said. She walked over and stood close to Abby, trying to decide if she should touch her or not. Looking at her carefully, she saw that the older woman had an emotional shield up that Clancy doubted she could penetrate. "Are you sure you want to leave? You must have had a reason for coming over."

"I don't know why I came. I was supposed to play tennis this morning, but I wasn't up to it. I think I should have stayed in bed instead of coming over." She turned and walked to the door, saying over her shoulder, "I'll talk to you later."

Clancy went to the door and watched Abby walk down the path. She wanted to go after her, but she didn't have any idea what to say. I don't know what the fuck I did, but she looked entirely pissed. I thought I knew her pretty well, but maybe I don't. Damn, if she gets angry just because I was a little cranky …

She dropped her clothes right where she stood, then went back into her room and fell onto the futon, bruising her shoulder when she hit the wooden frame. I shoulda stayed in bed.

***

Clancy slept until 11:00, then lay in bed for a while, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. She was completely at a loss, feeling that she'd done as well as she could, given the circumstances. Hell, I didn't have any obligation to tell her about Hayley. I stepped up and told her something that I knew would screw my chances with her. Shouldn't I get a little credit for that?

She got up and took another shower, a longer one this time. By the time she went into the kitchen and made a new pot of coffee, she was feeling a little more like herself. She was still naked, but Michael wasn't due home until at least 6:00. When the coffee was ready, she sat down at the kitchen table to read the paper. But a note written on one of her artist's pads caught her eye. She was halfway through the message when she spat her coffee all over the paper. "Holy fuck! What in the hell is wrong with you, Michael?"

Dashing across the room, she grabbed her clothes and started to get into them, trying to put her shirt on while she shimmied into her pants. Her buttons were askew, her shoes were untied, and she wasn't wearing a bra, but she grabbed her wallet and her keys and ran out of the house.

Pulling up in front of Abby's house a few minutes later, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her friend working on one of her flower borders. Making her feel even better was the fact that the garage door was open and the car was missing — meaning Hayley was in it and gone. Clancy walked up to the gate and called out, "Abby! Will you let me in?"

The dogs reacted first, running to the gate in a blur. Abby's head swung around, and she caught sight of Clancy. For the first time since they'd met, the taller woman didn't smile. In fact, Clancy could see her shoulders rise and fall in a gesture that looked suspiciously like indifference. She got up and walked to the gate, her face bearing an utterly blank expression. "What's up?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Can I come in?" Clancy asked. "I think I know why you're upset, and I can explain what happened."

Abby leaned against the wrought iron fence, shaking her head. "Maybe it's best for everyone if we stop this right now. This is all too, too complicated for me." The dogs were looking at their owner then at Clancy, whining softly when the landscaper didn't enter.

Clancy stood at her full height and stuck out her chin. "No," she said, her eyes boring into Abby. "No way. Either let me in, or I'll stand out here and explain myself. But everybody who walks by is gonna hear me."

"I can't be involved in this kind of thing," Abby said, sounding tired and defeated. "I don't need or want drama in my life."

"You think I do?" Clancy asked, her voice louder than it had to be, "You wanted me to kiss you last night. You wanted it. But today you don’t wanna be involved in ‘this kind of thing.’ What the fuck does that mean? You don’t want a woman? You don’t want a gardener? Where don’t I measure up?”

"Please be quiet!” Abby whispered harshly. “I have neighbors!”

“Your neighbors can kiss my ass! Now let me in, or they’ll all know what happened!”

Muttering, Abby snapped. "I obviously had the wrong impression about you."

"God damn it! Listen to me!" Clancy was nearly at full voice, and she grasped the metal bars of the gate so firmly that Abby was afraid she'd bend them. "You know me! Don't let some stupid note from Michael change how you feel!"

"You're scaring me," Abby said quietly. "I don't like to be yelled at."

All of the fire went out of her, and Clancy leaned heavily against the gate. Her voice was filled with tears when she said, "God damn it, Abby. Don't treat me this way. I don't deserve it."

Seeing the younger woman cry immediately thawed Abby's cold disregard. Clancy looked so disconsolate that Abby's instinct was to wrap her arms around her and hold her. She went to the gate and flung it open. "Let's go into the back yard and talk."

The dogs darted out of the open gate and jumped all over Clancy, looking like they'd gotten their long lost friend back. She petted both of the girls, enormously glad that at least two of the members of the family were happy to see her.

As soon as they sat down, Clancy explained the note. "Julie is my ex. Every once in a while, she calls me. I never encourage her, and I rarely speak to her. When I see her, I'm polite, nothing more."

"The note sounded like this woman is more than an ex," Abby said, looking at the ground.

"She's an ex," Clancy said. "I'll admit that she's not over me, but I'm over her. I was over her a couple of years ago, but she still thinks I'll give her another chance. I won't."

"But the note —"

"Is a product of Michael's perverse sense of humor. He thinks it's funny that she's still hung up on me. He's always teasing me about how irresistible I am. It's a joke. A stupid joke."

The older woman was still staring at the ground, and when she spoke, her voice was soft and tentative. "He said something about his being home when …"

Clancy ran her hand through her hair, cursing under her breath. "He's been teasing me about that since we were in high school, always joking about wanting to watch. But it's only funny because it's never gonna happen. Michael has never seen me kiss a woman, much less have sex with one. I'm very, very private about things like that, and he knows it."

"Really?" Abby's lower lip was trembling, and Clancy could see the wall coming down.

"Really. I'm very serious about love.” Clancy got up and stood beside her friend, then started to run her fingers through her hair. "I don't fall in love easily, and when I do, I do everything I can to make it work."

Abby started to cry, her face scrunching up like a small child's. "That's what I thought," she sobbed. "I was so hurt when I felt like I didn't know you. I was so scared," she said, crying harder.

Clancy knelt in front of her and wrapped her arms around the shaking shoulders. "Shh … shh … it's okay. Everything's all right. You do know me. You know me very, very well. I am who you think I am. I swear."

"I was so hurt," she said again, her voice still shaking.

"I know, I know," Clancy said. She tilted her head and started to kiss every spot her lips could reach. Finally, she slid her hands through Abby's hair and pushed her head back to look into her eyes. The older woman looked hurt and vulnerable, but there was a spark of desire in her eyes. Suddenly, surprisingly strong arms enveloped Clancy, and the women began to kiss. Tenderly, tentatively at first, but quickly growing into heated, passionate kisses.

Abby was quivering with desire, her body shaking with pent-up need. She knew they were crazy to be doing this right on the back patio, but she couldn't stop herself. Clancy's body was pressed against hers, and Abby could feel her hard nipples through her thin cotton shirt. She desperately wanted to rip that shirt from her body and bury her face between her firm breasts, a desire she'd never felt until the night before. It was all so surprising — but something about it felt so right, so natural, that she was slowly growing comfortable with it.

Regretfully, Clancy started to pull away, peppering Abby's lips with soft kisses as she did. "I can't …" she gasped, nearly breathless. "I'm not gonna be able to stop." Her eyes were glassy and wide, and her cheeks flushed even through her tan. She was shaking, and Abby drew her into an embrace, holding on tight.

Clancy could feel Abby's heart racing, her chest rising and falling in a quick cadence. Her shirt was damp with perspiration, and a drop fell from Abby's cheek and landed on Clancy's. The architect pulled away and wiped her friend's forehead with her thumbs. "What are we gonna do?" Clancy asked. "I can't let you go, but I don't wanna hurt Hayley." She blew out a breath and added, "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

Abby didn't answer for a long time. She had one hand resting on Clancy's shoulder while the other played with her hair, her fingers running through the white-blonde mane, captivated by the short, stiff locks that jumped back up when her hand passed over them. Finally, she answered. "I think it's too late for that. Someone will get hurt."

***

Clancy left a short time later. They hadn't settled much, but Hayley was due home, and neither woman could think of a good reason for Clancy's visit. They lingered at the front door, their bodies pressed tightly against one another, both feeling like they could stand in place and kiss for the entire afternoon. Worry got the best of Abby. "You'd better go," she whispered. "I'm getting too nervous."

"Will you try to get away tomorrow and come see me?"

Abby shook her head. "I don't think we'd better. I need a day to think this through. I’m still so confused.”

"Don't give up on us, okay?"

The look in Clancy's eyes made Abby's heart melt, and she would have promised her anything in her power. "I won't." She kissed her one last time, then put her hand on her back, trailing her fingers down to hold on as long as possible, having her stomach knot when she reluctantly closed the door.

CHAPTER EIGHT

The last place Clancy wanted to be on Monday morning was on a hill with Hayley, but that's where she found herself. The younger woman had fallen behind on rock detail, and Ramon suggested that Clancy could take a full wheelbarrow down the hill much easier than Hayley could. So they worked together, with Hayley on her knees, picking up rocks as quickly as she could, handing the bigger ones to Clancy, and tossing the small ones right into the wheelbarrow. When the barrow was full, Clancy would muscle it down the hill, take it out to the dumpster, walk it up the ramp they'd built, and turn it onto its side, flinching when the harsh clatter hit her ears. By the time she got back, Hayley had a mound ready for her, and she bent over and tossed them all in.

It wasn't particularly hard work, especially for Hayley. She was able to carry on a mostly one-sided conversation while she collected the omnipresent rocks. "Did you have a good weekend?" she asked.

"Uh-huh."

"Do anything exciting?"

A dozen shocking responses went through Clancy's head, but she decided to stick with, "No."

"Me either. I was doing some thinking about stuff we've talked about, though. Like being in relationships."

"Hmm?"

"You know. You told me that you liked being in relationships. I was thinking about that, and I decided you might be right."

Clancy didn't say a word. She just looked at the girl, trying to figure out where she was going.

"I was talking to Kerry, she's my friend you saw on Friday night. She's in love with a guy at Cal, and when we talked about it it started to make sense … you know … like how it just happens … even when you weren't planning on it."

"Uh-huh," Clancy said, not liking where she could sense they were headed.

"If you meet someone who you're really, really attracted to, why wouldn't you want to stick with them? I mean, it's seems kinda stupid to meet someone you like and then leave them. Doesn't it?"

Clancy was more than a little dismayed to note Hayley's intentional omission of the pronouns he or him. She'd heard enough young women try to get through a story by only using they or them to have it catch her attention. "Yeah. That does seem kinda stupid. Of course, the hard part is finding someone you like, and having them like you as much. That can take quite a few tries. I'm still looking."

"Well, maybe you've been looking in the wrong places." Hayley looked up and gave her a dazzling smile, so much like Abby's that the landscaper nearly fell to her knees and kissed her. But the Graham woman she wanted was in the house, and Clancy was condemned to the hell of being polite to a rough copy of the original masterpiece.

***

That night, Abby called Clancy not long after the landscaper returned home for the night. “Hi,” she said. “Was today as hard for you as it was for me?”

“I don’t know,” Clancy said. “But it was hard. I wanted to grab you and go someplace quiet. Where we could talk this through and decide what to do next.”

“God, I’d love that,” Abby said. “The clock barely seemed to move today.”

“So … what’s going through your mind?”

“I think … no, I know, that I need some time. I have to think about all of the ramifications of letting myself fall for you. And I need to be with you to think some of this through.”

“How about this weekend? We can still go look at rocks and talk while we’re there.”

Abby wasn’t feeling very light-hearted, but she let out a laugh. “Being with you … alone … in a motel would seal the deal. I can hardly stop myself from going up on the hill and kissing you until you’re crosseyed.”

“That’s a good instinct,” Clancy said. “Instincts are good.”

There was a pause, then Abby said, “I want to give in, but I can’t. At least not yet. I can’t act like this doesn’t affect my family, Clancy. It does.”

“I know that,” the younger woman said. “And I’ll try not to pressure you. Just … just remember that you deserve to be happy, too.”

“I’ll try,” Abby said. “I’m used to putting my needs last, but I can’t do that forever. My kids are almost grown now.”

“They’re grown,” Clancy said. “As soon as Hayley’s eighteen she could get married or join the navy.”

“According to her, she’d probably prefer the navy,” Abby said, chuckling. “She swears she’s not interested in a lasting relationship.”

Clancy knew there’d been a change in that view, but she didn’t mention it. She wasn’t going to serve as the go-between for mother and daughter – especially when her messages might serve to ruin her chances with Abby.

X

The women agreed not to see each other during the week, both sure that they were sending enough vibes out to alert the neighbors as to how attracted they were to one another. On Wednesday, Hayley went into the house for lunch and asked her mother if she could invite Clancy for dinner. Abby's stomach clenched, but she felt like she had to agree. Later, Hayley went up to her boss and proposed the idea. "Mom's making steak enchiladas for dinner tonight. Wanna stay?"

Luckily, Clancy didn't have to invent an excuse. "Oh, thanks, but I can't. I'm going bowling with some friends."

"Bowling?"

"Yeah. We go to a place in Chatsworth."

Hayley made a face that she immediately tried to hide. "That sounds like fun. Maybe I'll tell my friends about it. We like to do different kinds of things."

"Oh, that won't work," Clancy said, relieved. "It's all leagues. You have to be on a team to get a lane."

Not one to give up easily, Hayley said, "Well, maybe we'll come and watch you. We could have a few drinks. It'd be fun."

"You're not old enough to drink!"

Hayley laughed. "Do you honestly think there's a person in the San Gabriel Valley who doesn't have a good fake I.D.?"

"Oh. Right." Clancy thought for a minute, then said, "There's a very big fine for a bar owner letting under-aged people in. The owner's a friend of mine, Hayley. I'd have to tell him if I saw you there."

She looked absolutely indignant. "You'd tell?"

"Yeah, I would. It's just a fun night out for you guys, but he could lose his business. You have to think about how the things you do affect other people, you know. That's part of being mature."

"Yeah, right," the girl said. "You're my boss at work, but not in my personal life." She turned and walked over to Ramon, ready for her next task.

***

Hayley was cool to Clancy the rest of the day, and she hadn't thawed out by Thursday morning. The landscaper hoped that the incipient crush had gone the way of most fleeting attractions, but Hayley was friendly again by Thursday afternoon.

That night, Abby called Clancy, and the pair talked for a long time – just as they had every night that week. "The thought of being alone with you this weekend is driving me crazy,” Abby said. “Hayley’s gonna wonder why we can’t go up and back in a day, but we’ve got to stay over.”

Clancy thought for a minute, then said, “You’re the one who suggested we stay overnight. And that was before we even kissed.”

“Shouldn’t take a lot of thought to figure that one out,” Abby said, laughing. “I wanted to be with you for a longer time.”

"Why, Mrs. Graham! You are always a surprise!"

"The first day you showed up at my door, I remember walking behind you and thinking what a nice ass you had. I think I had a crush on you the first time I looked into those grey eyes."

"Come on, Saturday," Clancy said, trying not to sound like she was begging. "We need to be alone. And to kiss."

"I … I don't think I can do much more than that," Abby said. "I hope you can –“

"Kissing you is enough to satisfy any woman," Clancy interrupted. "Honestly, just being with you is enough."

Abby closed her eyes and let her conscience have a voice. Every difficult lesson she'd ever learned flashed through her head. She knew without a doubt that she should put a stop to this right now. But she couldn't. She needed this so much that she couldn't turn back, even though she knew this would be hard for her kids and her parents and her friends. She knew that Hayley would be particularly hurt – given her crush on Clancy. But for once in her adult life she thought of herself first. Taking in a cleansing breath, she said, "I'll be at your house on Saturday morning at around 8:00."

"I can't wait," Clancy said.

Laughing a little, Abby said, “Don’t for get to bring your lips.”

***

The work week was finished, and Clancy was paying Hayley on Friday night when the younger woman asked, "Have any plans for tonight?"

"Yeah. To get a good night's sleep before we drive up to Merced tomorrow."

"Can I go with you? I want to make sure the rocks are right, too, you know."

"Ahh … no, you can't. We're taking your mom's car. Only two seats."

An annoyed expression settled on Hayley's face. "Why couldn't she buy an SUV like everybody else?"

"Most girls would be happy to drive a Lexus coupe. Count your blessings. When I was your age, I had to drive my mother's floral delivery van."

"Yeah, but you could make out in the back, couldn't you?"

Hayley had her on that one, and Clancy spent a moment thinking about her first lover and how they'd roll around in the back of the van, then have to brush the dirt and flower petals off each other before they went home. "I never kiss and tell," Clancy said.

"Good. I like that about you. You know … I was thinking that we could go get something to eat. Even you have to eat dinner."

"No, I'm good. I've got something at home."

Hayley looked at her for a minute, then finally locked eyes with her and said, "This isn't about food. I'm asking you out."

Clancy's eyes widened. Damn, why weren't girls this forward when I was seventeen! But she wasn't interested in this particular girl, and she had to think of a way to tell her without upsetting her. "Uhm … that's not a good idea, Hayley. I'm working for your mom, and I'm sure she wouldn't like it if she thought I was hitting on you."

"I'd tell her the truth." She gave Clancy that sexy smile and added, "I'm hitting on you."

"Ahh … yeah, I guess you are. But she still wouldn't like it."

"My mom's cool about things like this. She has lesbian friends. She won't flip."

"Hayley, I can’t go out with a client's daughter. It's not right."

The younger woman was starting to get perturbed and Clancy could see her blue eyes darken. "Is that really the reason?"

"Yeah. It is."

"Fine. I’ll ask my mom if she'd mind.” She was clearly calling Clancy's bluff, and the blonde cursed herself for having told such a flimsy lie.

"I uhm … I don't date women who have to ask their moms if they can go out," she finally said. "You're a great girl, Hayley, and if I'd known you when I was your age … I would have been in heaven. But I'm almost thirty years old. We're at different places in our lives."

"I'm not asking to marry you, Clancy," she said, obviously angry and embarrassed. "I'm asking you to go out to dinner."

Clancy wouldn't yield. "No, I can't. It doesn't make sense to have a date if I don't see this going anywhere. And I don't." The girl closed her eyes for a moment, and Clancy knew she was on the verge of tears. "Look, Hayley, I think it's great that you had the nerve to ask me. I really do. But you'd be happier with someone your own age. I swear you would."

"I don't like people my own age," she said, her voice husky. "I like older … people. That's why I've never gone out with anyone for long. They're too immature."

"Hayley, there have to be older people at Santa Cruz. Look for a grad student, or a teaching assistant or something."

"I don't need dating advice," she said coldly. "I asked you out. You turned me down. End of story." She turned and walked towards the house, and by the time she got there, Clancy could see her shoulders shaking.

***

Abby showed up at 8:00 on the dot the next morning, and it was clear that she didn't know what had happened between her daughter and the landscaper the day before.

When they reached the carport, Clancy asked, “Want me to drive?”

“No offense, but your truck is a little harsh for this long a ride.  I appreciate the offer, though.”

“Hey, not a problem. I’d much rather ride in yours.”

“Would you mind driving my car?”

“No, not at all. I'd love to. My truck might be jealous, though. She hates to see me with other women.”

"I'm parked on the street," Abby said, smiling at her friend. "She'll never know."

They took off after stopping for coffee and muffins. About fifty miles outside of L.A., Clancy bit the bullet. "I take it that you haven't talked to Hayley."

"When? Today?"

"Or last night?"

"No, I didn't. She went out, called me at midnight and said that she was staying at her friend Gretchen's house. For all I know she might have made that up, but I can't police her too carefully now that she's in college." She looked at Clancy quizzically and asked, "Why?"

"Because she and I had a fight."

"A fight?"

"Well, not really a fight," Clancy said. "She asked me out last night, and was pretty upset when I turned her down."

"Oh, shit." Abby leaned her head back and stared up at the roof. "I can't believe she did that!"

"I couldn’t either. I thought I'd driven her crazy – always treating her like she was a kid. But she didn't let that stop her."

Abby sighed heavily. "Well, you are unbelievably attractive. I can't blame her."

"Thanks," Clancy said, smirking. "But I'd rather only you were attracted to me."

"I … I need a little while to process this," Abby said. "Do you mind?"

“No. Why don’t you recline your seat and take it easy. I know where I’m going, so feel free to relax.” Abby nodded slightly, then tilted her seat back a little and stared out the window, lost in her thoughts.

***

When they reached the quaint little motor court, they went in together, and Clancy had to clear her throat to find her voice — since it hadn’t been used for over three hours.

When they approached the desk, the proprietor looked up and asked, “Help you?”

“Yeah.  I made reservations earlier in the week. O’Connor.”

“Oh, yes.  Here we are.  Two rooms, right?”

Sparing a quick glance at Abby, who was staring straight ahead, Clancy shrugged and said, “Uhm … right.”  After the tense, silent trip she had no idea if Abby wanted to share a room with her or not, so she decided not to press the issue. You should have cleared this up before you got inside, you dope! She extracted her wallet from her jeans and pushed her credit card towards the woman, not stopping when Abby tried to interrupt.  “You provided the car.  I’ll get the rooms,” she said.  Looking at the desk clerk, she asked, “Where’s the best place in town to have dinner?”

“How fancy do you want to get?” the woman asked.

“Very,” Clancy said.

“That’d be the Hitching Post,” she said.  “Take the main road north about three miles.  You can’t miss it.”

“Thanks,” Clancy said when the woman handed over the keys.

When they walked back into the bright sun, Abby said, “I didn’t bring much to wear to a fancy restaurant.”

Clancy was relieved just to hear her voice again.  “Up here, fancy means the bar is in a separate room from the restaurant.  You look fantastic just the way you are.”

Abby looked away, Clancy’s intense gaze making her feel a little uncomfortable, then nodded her head.  “Thanks.”  She gave the younger woman a smile — her first of the day — and said, “You look nice today. I’m sorry I didn’t comment earlier.”

The architect was wearing a very bright, print camp shirt in shades of orange and yellow.  Faded, form fitting jeans and black Birkenstock sandals finished off her outfit, and Abby found that the style suited her friend perfectly.

“Well, now you’ve seen almost my entire wardrobe,” she said.  “I keep telling myself that I’ve got to buy a few nice things — but I never get around to it.”

“I like your little uniform,” Abby smiled, then remembered the teasing that Hayley always gave her about her uniform fetish and her smile faded.  “Let me freshen up and then we can go have dinner, okay?”

Clancy nodded and handed her a key to one of the bungalows.  Each room was a stand-alone unit with a bath and a bedroom, and Clancy was pleased to find that they were neat, clean, and relatively updated.  There was a big television in the room, and a queen-sized bed, and she looked at it briefly, hoping against hope that Abby would share the bed with her.

***

During dinner they steered clear of any upsetting topics and focused on the landscaping plans.  Clancy had been tweaking them with every spare moment she had, and she excitedly regaled Abby with every new bit of minutia she could recall.

Abby picked up the check after a brief argument, then they headed back to the motel.  The night was cool and dry, and a soft breeze whistled through the massive pine trees that the cabins were nestled into.  “Wanna stay outside and enjoy the evening?” Clancy asked.

Abby nodded, and sat in the rough-hewn swing that graced the porch of her cabin.  It was the only seating available, so Clancy squeezed in next to her, their thighs touching all along their length.  Thankfully, Abby didn’t move her leg, and Clancy was slightly heartened.

“Wanna talk about it?” Clancy finally screwed up the courage to ask.

Abby shook her head gently and said, “Not really.  I’m not the kind of woman who can process my feelings quickly.  I need to let things percolate for a while.”  She looked at Clancy and added, “Give me time, okay?”

“Of course.”  She wanted to touch her so badly she could taste it, but Clancy kept her hands firmly atop her own knees.  “I don’t want to rush you, Abby.  I know this has been a very, very emotional time for you.  I’ll do my best to back off.”

Looking at her curiously, Abby asked, “Would you like to talk?  Just because I need some time to reflect doesn’t mean that you do, too.”

“Uhm … I don’t have a lot to say,” she said.  Summoning all of the affection she could muster into her gaze she said, “All I want is to make sure that you know how much I care for you.  My feelings for you run very, very deep, Abby, and I very much want a chance to work this out.”

A long, delicate hand reached out and landed on Clancy’s thigh.  Abby’s voice was soft, and held a heavy note of curiosity.  “Is that true?”

“Is what true?  That I have feelings for you, or that I want the opportunity to build a relationship?”

“Uhm … either, I guess,” she said.  “We've kissed a lot, but I'm not sure I know where you think this is going.”

"What? I thought I'd made it clear that I want to have a relationship with you."

"Well, you have, but I get mixed signals. When you opened the door this morning, you didn’t even hug me.  And when we got here, I thought you’d at least ask me if I wanted to share a room.  It … made me feel like you didn’t want to be too close.”

Clancy slid off the swing and got to her knees, grasping for Abby’s hands.  “I was upset about what had happened with Hayley," she admitted. "I guess I felt guilty hugging you or kissing you before I told you the truth. I thought … I thought that Hayley's asking me out might make you change your mind."

"It should," she said, looking over Clancy's head to stare into the pines. "My children have always … always come first." She looked down and met Clancy's eyes. "I know that this is going to have serious – maybe even disastrous repercussions for my family." The smallest of smiles touched her lips, and she reached out and stroked Clancy's cheek. "But I want you so badly." She closed and eyes and shivered, her head shaking slowly. "I've never been this torn about anything in my life."

"We can work it out," Clancy insisted. "We'll be very, very discrete."

With a sad, resigned expression, Abby said, "We can't be discrete for long. I can't juggle lies to my kids, my parents, my friends, my neighbors. This will come out, and it will probably come out soon. That's why I have to know that you're serious about this." She put her hands on Clancy's shoulders and said, "I'm begging you. Level with me. I have to know how you feel about me."

Closing her eyes, Clancy planted soft kisses all over Abby’s hands.  “I know it’s early, but I think you're the one. The one," she reiterated. "I’m falling in love with you, Abby.”

"You want to be in a committed, exclusive relationship with me?"

Giving her a very puzzled look, Clancy said, “Yes, of course!”

"I don't mean to doubt you," Abby said. "But the note from Michael really threw me."

“Abby, I am totally, thoroughly, single. I have no interest in any woman in the world – except you. I'm very traditional in the way I approach a relationship – even though I’m fairly adventurous when I’m in one. I’d love to show you exactly how adventurous I can be,” she added, leaning forward just enough to be able to detect a hint of Abby’s perfume.

Abby closed the distance between them and placed a delicate kiss on Clancy’s warm lips.  “Will you sleep with me tonight?” She waited for a second and added, "I'm not ready for sex, but I'd love to hold you. Is that okay?"

“Of course. You can hold me tonight, tomorrow … as many nights as you’ll have me,” Clancy replied, her voice catching a little.

Abby got up and extended a hand, and Clancy gladly took it.  “Let’s take this one day at a time, okay?”

“That works too.” Clancy smiled broadly at her and took her hand to lead her into the cabin.

***

Clancy stood just inside the door of the small room, looking around awkwardly while she tried to decide what to do.  Abby looked more than a little nervous, too, and she gave Clancy a tentative smile and inclined her head towards the bath.  “I’ll just brush my teeth …”

“Oh!  Uhm … maybe I’ll go do the same.  Be right back.”  This is too weird, she thought, leaning against the door of her room.  We act like we’re total strangers.  She brushed, and flossed, and brushed again, mumbling to herself the whole time.  Deciding that she was feeling a little grungy from the drive, Clancy took a quick shower, giving herself a good talking to while she scrubbed herself.  The only way to make Abby feel comfortable is to tell her how you’re feeling — and encourage her to do the same when she’s able.  Just be honest with her.

Freshly scrubbed and feeling a little better, Clancy put on some never-worn flannel pajamas that she’d found at the bottom of her dresser.

She’d been gone longer than she’d planned, and Abby was already in bed when she entered.  The older woman gave her a relieved glance and said, “I thought you might have changed your mind.”

Clancy quickly crossed the room and perched on the edge of the bed.  Reaching out, she ran her hand down Abby’s face, lingering over her features with her thumb.  “What’s up?  You act as though you’re expecting me to be a real asshole, and you know me better than that.”

The older woman leaned into her touch and said, “I don’t know.  This whole thing has me so mixed up.  I don’t feel like I can trust my instincts right now.  I honestly feel like I’m in a fog.”

Her thumb kept stroking, and Clancy lowered her voice and softened it.  “Anything I can do to help?  Wanna talk about it?”

Abby shook her head, once again avoiding Clancy’s gaze.  “Too much. I just need to sleep.”

When she stood, Abby’s eyes followed her.  Clancy walked around to the other side of the bed and tossed the covers back.  As she slid in, she smiled and said, “I know how to distract you, and relax you, and make you sleep like a baby.”

Abby’s eyes widened in surprise, and she struggled with the feelings that washed over her. She was frankly amazed that Clancy would make a sexual overture at this point, but she didn’t know how to turn her down politely.  But Clancy surprised her completely when she sat up against the headboard and pulled Abby’s head onto her lap.  “Don’t think about a thing,” she murmured.  “Just feel my touch.”

Abby’s body felt a little stiff and unyielding and Clancy gently soothed, “Come on now, relax for me.  Concentrate on your breathing … that’s it … that’s the way.”  She smiled down at the taller woman as she felt her muscles start to relax and her body mold itself along her length.  Abby’s arm draped across the younger woman’s thighs, and her hand tangled in the generous folds of her pajamas.

Clancy gazed down when she heard Abby’s soft voice murmur, “Perfect.  Just perfect. This was exactly what I needed.”

Giving her hair an affectionate ruffle, Clancy said, “I’ll do my best to always give you what you need, Abby. I promise that.”

The last conscious thought to float through the older woman’s mind was, I believe her.  I really believe her.

***

On the way back to Los Angeles, Clancy commented, “I’m not sure if this was the best day to look at boulders.  Every one was beautiful … perfect and smooth.  Just like your skin."

Abby’s hand playfully covered her mouth as she chided her, “You’re going to have to behave when we get back home, you know.  You may as well get into practice right now.”

Clancy nodded, her eyes still dancing.  “I’ll be good.  I’m just so completely happy, Abby.  Everything seems perfect today.”

Abby was driving, but she diverted her attention long enough to grasp Clancy’s hand and give it a gentle kiss.  “It seems perfect to me, too.  My whole body feels renewed.”  She sighed deeply and said, “Taking a young lover seems to be the key to the fountain of youth.”

“It’s not about age,” Clancy maintained.  “It’s about chemistry and connection.  And I feel very connected to you, Abby.  I’m very, very happy.”

“Me, too.” Abby smiled.  She placed Clancy’s hand on her thigh and the pair lapsed into a comfortable silence, both of them ruminating about the events of the weekend.

While she was mostly jubilant about their connection, Abby’s stomach began to tighten the closer they got to L.A.  Clancy noticed the change in her affect and finally mentioned it.  “You seem pretty tense.  Worried about going home?”

“Yes.  Very.”

Clancy was quickly learning that Abby became almost monosyllabic when she was worried about something, but she wasn’t willing to let this issue slide.  “We should talk about it.  We need to make a decision about how we’re going to play this.”

“We can’t let Hayley know … no matter what,” she said, her face a mask of worry.

“Okay … we can do that,” Clancy soothed.  “I hope you mean that we can't tell her right now …"

"Yes. Oh, yes! Of course that's what I mean. She'll get over her hurt feelings soon. And she'll be going to Maine in a month – then right to school from there."

Clancy felt a little sick to her stomach at the thought of waiting for a month, but she nodded. "I don’t need to tell another soul.  We’ll keep this between us until you're ready to go public.”

“No, no that’s not necessary,” Abby insisted.  “I know you’re close to your parents, Clancy; they’ll pick up on this.  So will Michael.  I don’t want you to lie to them.”

“If it comes up, I’ll be honest,” she agreed.  “But I’m not going to go out of my way to tell people until you're ready.”

Abby gave her a relieved glance and blew her a kiss.  “I should have known you’d be understanding about this.  I don’t know why I was worried about talking to you about it.”

“ ‘Cause it’s all new to you.  You’re not used to having to hide a part of your life.”  She gripped her thigh with gentle pressure and said, “We’ll work this out, Abby.  I promise.”

“I trust you,” she whispered.

***

As they drew near L.A., Abby said, “I wonder how surprised people will be about this? I can’t help thinking that someone hasn’t picked up on the connection that’s been building between us.”

Running her hand up and down Abby’s thigh, Clancy asked gently, “Do you honestly think you've had a crush on me for a while?”

“I don’t remember the last time I sat around in my pajamas playing ‘eat the strawberries from my fingers’ with any of my other contractors,” she said thoughtfully, adding a wry glance at Clancy.

“You know I meant before last Friday night,” Clancy said, giving her a pinch.

“I didn't recognize it at first, but in retrospect I've been sexually attracted to you for a while — I just forced the conscious thoughts down.”

“Tell me how you’ve been feeling,” Clancy said. “Don’t be afraid.”

“I'm not afraid … exactly," Abby said, smiling again. "But this isn't what I do best." She took in a breath and squared her shoulders, then spent a moment composing her thoughts. "I’ve been feeling very close to you for weeks now.  But I didn’t read it right. It wasn’t something that I expected, so I didn’t know how to classify my feelings.”

“What have they been?” Clancy persisted.

“Mmm … at first, I thought I was feeling maternal towards you,” Abby said. “But that didn’t last very long. You didn’t give off any ‘daughter’ feelings towards me, so my maternal feelings died pretty quickly. I guess I just thought we were becoming friends,” she said.

“Uh-huh,” Clancy said, her hand stroking lightly across Abby’s thigh. “Then what?”

Frowning slightly, the older woman asked, “You’re not going to let me get away with avoiding the question, are you?”

“You don’t have to answer,” Clancy said, “but no, I’m not going to let you sidestep it.”

“You’re as bad as Will,” Abby said, her mouth creasing into a grin. “I could never hide my feelings from him — much as I tried.” Clancy just smiled at her, waiting her out. “Okay, I’ve had a few uhm … fantasies … about you. I uhm … had a particularly satisfying one the night we went dancing. But I assumed that I was just reacting to what I could feel — from you,” she said, coloring pink.

“Arghh!” Clancy dropped her head into her hands, finally peeking out from between two fingers. “You knew?”

“Ahh … yeah. I’ve known for a while. I think I’ve known since the first time we went swimming together.”

“You saw me checking you out, didn’t you?” Clancy asked, her head dropping back against the seat.

“Uhm … yeah. But it was fine with me, Clancy, really,” she said earnestly. “I was … complimented.”

“Complimented?” the younger woman asked. “Not freaked out?”

“Why would it freak me out to have such an attractive, engaging person find me attractive?” Abby asked, her expression one of puzzlement. “No one had given me that kind of attention in a long while. It was great for my ego.”

Looking at Abby for a few moments, Clancy finally said, “Damn, but you’re evolved. Most women would have thrown me out and locked the door.”

“Well, now, wouldn’t that have been stupid?” Abby asked, chuckling softly. “We’ve had some wickedly wonderful kisses the last few days, and I never would have known that pleasure if I’d been offended.”

“You don’t think you would have been receptive to another woman?” Clancy asked, still baffled by Abby's easygoing attitude about sexual orientation.

“I haven’t been up until now,” Abby said, shrugging her shoulders. “I think you’re just incredibly special.” She placed her hand on Clancy’s leg and said, “I mean that sincerely.”

“I feel the same,” Clancy said. “I’m eternally grateful that you gave me a clear signal that you were interested. I never would have made the first move.”

“Never?”

“No, never.  I wouldn’t put someone I cared for in that position,” she explained.  “I wanted your friendship more than that.”

“It would be wonderful if we could keep the friendship … and the other, wouldn’t it?”

“That’s my goal, Abby.  And I’m a very persistent woman when I have a goal.”

***

They were blocks from Abby’s street when she took a turn and headed for the Rose Bowl.  Clancy looked at her quizzically, but the older woman just stared straight ahead until she reached the parking lots.  She guided the car to the farthest section, turned off the engine, and turned to Clancy.  “I need to kiss you again.”

Clancy smiled warmly and melted into her arms.  They savored each other for a long while, kissing and touching gently until the sun set.  “That wasn’t nearly enough,” Abby breathed into Clancy’s ear, sending shivers up her spine. “I’d love to have my hands all over you right now. The thought of your body makes my mouth water.”

“I need to either go home, or get out and make love to you on the asphalt,” Clancy moaned.  “I’m so turned on I could scream.”

“Do you want me to …?” Abby asked hesitantly, running a fingernail up the seam of Clancy’s jeans.

Shaking roughly, astounded by Abby's boldness, the younger woman declined.  “No.  I mean, yes, I want you to — desperately — but no, I don’t want to do it here.  I want it to be special, Abby.  I can wait … I’ve waited thirty years for you.”  She grinned at her shyly, and Abby felt her heart clench with emotion for the beautiful young architect.

“Every time will be special,” Abby vowed.  “How could it not be with a special woman like you?”

“Do you have plans for tonight?”

“Yes. I have dinner plans. Uhm … I don’t quite know where to go from here. I … I’m really not good at this.”

“No problem,” the landscaper said, smiling warmly. “Just drop me off at home, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning. We’ve got a big day planned.”

“Thanks for being so understanding,” the older woman said.

“Hey, I’m a woman who makes long-term plans. I can be very, very patient.”

***

Michael came home at around 8:00 and Clancy struggled out of bed to greet him.  “Hey, buddy,” she said wanly.

He took a long look at her and said, “You look wiped.  You feeling okay?”

“Yeah.”  She yawned noisily and said, “I was already in bed, but I thought I’d better get up and share a little something with you.”  She looked uncharacteristically ungainly as she stood there in her tank top and baggy pajama bottoms, and he walked over to her and offered a hug.

“Are you sure you’re all right?  You look funny.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, patting him on the waist.  “I’m actually totally great, but worried sick.”

“Odd combo,” he said slowly.  “Wanna explain?”  Since they were close to her room, they walked inside and soon both were sprawled across the futon.

“I uhm … Abby and I … we …”

“You didn’t!” he cried, slapping her on the rump.

“Oh, I did.”  She sighed and rolled fully onto her back.  “It was blissful.”

"So … she figured out the lesbian sex part, huh?" His eyes were dancing with interest.

"We didn't have sex, Mikey. We kissed … for hours." She looked like she was about to swoon from the memory, but Michael fractured her reverie.

"I do not, and I never will understand women!"

"We like to kiss," Clancy said. "If you guys would just play along and act like you liked it too, you'd get a lot further."

“Well, given that you've told me you’re a kiss-a-holic, that explains the totally great part,” he decided.  “Now where does the worried sick part come in?”

“There are a few … problems," she said. "Her daughter has a crush on me, and I've been trying to convince her I'm not interested."

"Well, well, well. Aren't we the hot commodity? Any other girls in the family you can hook?"

"Not funny, Michael. I really care about Abby, and I want this to work."

"Sounds like a strange family," Michael said. "Actually it sounds like a great porn movie. A lesbian mom and daughter combo would be a big seller!"

"Do you want to be serious about this, or make fun of me?"

"I'm sorry, Clance." He put his hand on the small of her back and rubbed it gently. "This is just pretty wild stuff for you. You're not very often in the middle of a lesbian soap-opera."

"And I don't wanna be now! I really care for Abby, but I'm afraid Hayley will screw things up!"

"I assume Abby knows her daughter's gay, right?"

"No." Clancy shook her head slowly. "Neither of them has ever been with a woman."

Michael sat and stared at his friend for a moment. "You convinced two straight women to turn? That's not fair! There aren't gonna be any straight women left in Pasadena!"

"I didn't turn anyone into anything! I don't know if Hayley's serious or not. She might just be trying to be adventurous. You know how kids are."

"I never tried to be gay – just for the fun of it," Michael said. "Doesn't seem like much fun to me at all."

"It's different for girls," Clancy said, giving him a scowl. "They're more flexible about sex."

"Now that's good news," he said, giving her a winning grin.

"None of this is good news," she said glumly. "Except the fact that Abby kissed me."

"That is good news, babe. Do you really think she'll be too upset about the kid to do anything else?"

"I have no idea! We didn’t resolve anything, Mikey! Hell, we barely talked at all! We spent most of the weekend kissing, but I’m not sure whether she thinks we have even a remote chance of having a lasting relationship. I’d marry her tomorrow, but she might not be able to continue with this. I’m totally freaked!”

“Oh, poor baby,” he sighed.  He scooted closer and started to massage her head and shoulders, making her purr as some of the tension started to leave her body.  “I’ve known you for sixteen years now, and I’ve never heard you come close to saying that you wanted to marry someone.  Are you sure about this … about her, Clancy?”

“Yes,” she sighed.  “She’s the one, Michael.  She’s the first woman I’ve ever felt like this about — and if I can’t have her I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Shh …” he soothed.  “Don’t worry about all of the bad things that could happen, Clance.  Think about the good things.  Even if it doesn’t work out, why not have a little time where you believe that it will?”

“You’re right,” she nodded.  “I’ll lie here and remember how it felt to hold her.  That might calm me down enough to let me sleep.”

“This can work out,” he promised, kissing her head.  “If she’s the woman you believe she is, I’m sure she’s not jerking you around.”

“She’d never do that,” Clancy said.  “She’s concerned about Hayley.  Well, I guess that’s the main thing she’s concerned about. She’s one of those people who doesn’t like to talk about what’s on her mind.”

“Danger!  Danger!” Michael cried, laughing.  “This will never work out!  You can’t stop talking about what’s on your mind!”

“I know, I know. But maybe it’s best not to have both of us be chatterboxes. Having two people who talk about their feelings constantly could be totally obnoxious.”

“Well, you certainly yak enough for any two women, so I guess it can all equalize,” he teased.  “Now get some sleep, and take a night off from worrying, okay?”

“Okay.  I love you, Michael.”

“I love you too, Clance.  Sleep tight and dream about a happy future.”

***

Clancy was lying in bed, dreaming of the pleasure of being in Abby’s arms, when the phone rang.  She reached for it, and sighed softly when she heard her voice.  “I miss you,” Abby whispered.

“Oh, I miss you, too,” Clancy drawled sexily.  “Wanna come over and warm my bed?”

“I'd give anything," Abby said wistfully. "But since I can't do that, I wanted to call and say good night."

"G'night," Clancy said. "I wish I could kiss you good night, but that'll have to wait. But in my dreams, I'm holding you in my arms and kissing you so tenderly. It makes me feel warm all over to even think about."

"If it's real, it'll feel just as good – or better, if we wait."

"It's real," Clancy said softly. "It's definitely real."

CHAPTER NINE

When Clancy arrived at the Graham house on Monday morning, she was filled with as much apprehension as she had been the day she'd originally taken her plans over for Abby's approval. She was the first to arrive, but Ramon and his men pulled up before she'd had the chance to leave her truck. They all chatted for a moment, then started to unload their tools. Everything seemed normal, but Clancy knew that the seemingly normal atmosphere was an illusion.

Her instinct was confirmed when Hayley didn't bound out of the house as she usually did. The back doors were closed, and the shades were down – another unusual occurrence.

When they were ready to work, Ramon asked, "Is Hayley coming? I need her."

"I'm not sure," Clancy said. "I guess I'll have to fill in."

Ramon smiled, looking a little too happy to Clancy's eye. "It's gonna be a long day, jeffa. Time to mix mortar."

Grumbling to herself, Clancy got to work. She didn't mind the labor, but it meant that she couldn't inspect the work with the same care she normally did. And if anyone needed her help, she'd be leaving Ramon without the mortar he needed to set the concrete blocks in place. If she'd known Hayley wasn't going to work, she would have hired an additional man for the week, or had Armando bring his son, Jesus.

She wasn't sure, but she thought she heard voices coming from the house. At one point, a door slammed, and Ramon looked at her with a quizzical expression. Not knowing what was going on, and not wanting to tell Ramon any of the details of the previous weekend, she shrugged her shoulders.

After about half an hour, Hayley came out – obviously having been crying. Clancy was up on the hill, but she walked down and met her on the lawn. Hayley was trying to look nonchalant, but it wasn't working. She looked like a little girl who'd been punished and now had to apologize – against her will. She wouldn't look Clancy in the eye, and her voice was tense and angry. "I came to tell you I quit. I'll stay for two weeks if I have to, but I don't want to."

Clancy waited for a second, then told her the truth. "If you don’t want to be here, I don't want you. This isn't the type of work you can do if you're not concentrating."

"Yeah. This is really complex stuff," the girl said, sounding bitter and spiteful.

Her attitude hit Clancy in exactly the wrong place. She stared at the girl for a moment, but Hayley never lifted her chin. "I know you're not used to interacting with working-class people, but even we idiots have feelings."

Hayley looked up and fixed Clancy with her intense blue eyes. "I have feelings, too!"

"Yeah. And when they're hurt, you blame other people. You've got a lot of growing up to do, Hayley. Do the working-class women of the world a favor - don't try to date us if we don’t measure up to your normally high standards." She turned and went back up the hill, leaving Hayley standing on the lawn, looking stunned. After a moment, the girl went back into the house, slamming the sliding-glass door so hard, it almost jumped its track.

After a few minutes, Clancy saw the Lexus drive away. She wasn't sure if mother or daughter was driving, but she hoped it was Hayley, and that she was going far, far away.

***

Shortly after the Lexus left, another car pulled up to the house and honked briefly. Clancy saw Abby walk down the drive, clad in a sleeveless polo shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. She saw her turn and scan the hill just before she got into the car, and Clancy smiled when Abby saw her and gave a tentative wave.

***

It was nearly quitting time when the back door opened and Abby emerged, with both dogs straining at their leashes. She took them to the far side of the property to relieve themselves, catching Clancy's eye when they went back towards the house. Abby gestured to Clancy, and the landscaper walked down the hill.

“Can I get you something to drink? I just went to the grocery.”

“Sure. I’ll wait out here so I don’t get the floor dirty.”

Abby gave her a chiding glance and said, “Take those boots off and come in the kitchen. I miss your lips.” She turned and headed in, leaving Clancy to swallow to get the moisture back into her mouth.

The dogs were overjoyed to see her, and she let them lick her on the face and mouth before she stood and reached for Abby.

“That’s a very gentle soap by the sink,” the older woman informed her. “I’ll get you a towel.”

“They’re your dogs!”

“Yes, and you’ll note that I don’t allow them to lick my mouth. I know where those tongues have been — it’s not pretty.”

Clancy looked at the girls and idly thought aloud, “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be able to lick …” She stopped mid-sentence when Abby gave her a stern look. “Boy, you’ve got that mom look down!” She turned and started to wash her face and hands, then kept going when she saw how dirty her arms were. Abby handed her the towel, then placed her hands on the architect’s hips while Clancy dried off.

“I don’t mean to treat you like a kid, Clancy. That’s not how I think of you.”

“Joking.” Clancy smiled, then added, “I have a feeling you had to play tough-cop mom this morning. Wanna talk about it?"

Abby sat down at the kitchen table and gestured for Clancy to do the same. "I'm so disappointed in her," she said. "Maybe this is making her crazy because she's never been turned down by anyone she was interested in, but that's no excuse. She's acting like a spoiled brat, and I have to say – that's one of my least favorite species on the planet."

Clancy let out a relieved breath. She'd been slightly worried that Abby would sympathize with Hayley over this issue and was very happy to hear that wasn't the case. "I've been wondering how this is going down for you," Clancy said. "Does it freak you out that she's interested in a woman?"

Abby looked at her for a moment, then started to laugh softly. "I'd probably feel different if I didn't have a crush on you at the same time. I've hardly given it a thought."

"You should," Clancy said, not wanting to make matters worse, but also not wanting to have it hit Abby later.

"We talked about it a little this morning," Abby said. "Nothing too intense, since we were arguing about whether or not she had to go out and talk to you."

"That must have been fun."

"Yeah. It was a blast," Abby said, her voice flat. "I went into her room this morning to wake her up, and she said she'd quit. When she admitted she hadn't told you, we started to argue. It came out that she was angry because you'd turned her down."

Clancy took Abby's hand and chafed it gently between her own. "That must have been a very weird conversation for you to have."

Smiling tentatively, Abby nodded. "Weird is a good word. She must think I'm a remarkably open-minded mother, since I barely blinked when she told me. I suppose it helps to know ahead of time."

Still stroking her hand, Clancy said, "She actually told me you're open-minded. She said you have lesbian friends, and you wouldn't care that she was interested in a woman."

Abby nodded. "That's probably true, but it would still take me a while to get used to the idea. If she's serious about this." She looked at Clancy, then a small frown settled on her face. "Do you think she's serious?"

"I have no idea. I didn't get any vibes from her at first. I think she might just be trying to …" She pulled off her cap and scratched her head. "I'm clueless."

"She acted like she was telling me she was dating a boy with red hair," Abby said. "She tossed off the comment like it was nothing at all. I raised her to be open-minded, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with her being this open-minded."

Now Clancy was frowning. "So … you would be upset if she was attracted to women?"

"Just because I'm a mother, doesn't mean I'm a hypocrite," Abby said, smiling. "All I'm saying is that it would take me a little time to get used to it. And …" She thought for a minute. "I'd like to think that she had to think about it, too."

"Why?"

"Why?" Abby gave her a puzzled look. "Why?"

"Yeah. Why? If you have lesbian friends, and you're attracted to a woman, why do you think Hayley has to be cautious about this?"

Abby gave her a blank look. "I'm not sure. It just doesn't seem like the kind of thing you should do on a whim."

"Because …?"

"I don't know, Clancy. It just seems like something a girl should think about before she jumps into it!"

Clancy removed her hand from Abby's, then leaned back in her chair. She took a sip of her drink, then asked, "Does talking about this upset you? You seem pretty frustrated."

Abby nodded. "Yeah, I am. I don't do well at talking about things if I'm not prepared."

"Then maybe you'd better think about this a little more," Clancy said. "Maybe you'd better think about how you feel about lesbianism. It's not just a concept anymore, Abby. This is my reality, and if you wanna be involved with me, it's gonna be your reality, too."

The older woman sat completely still for a moment, then looked at Clancy and said, "You might be right. I need to talk to Hayley a little more, then think about what I'm doing. Right now, I'm letting my sexual feelings take over."

"I love your sexual feelings," Clancy said, smiling at her, "but this is much more than sex. Like I told you on the weekend, I don't want a fling; I want love. Loving a woman is a big decision, Abby. I think we should cool things until you've thought about that."

The older woman crossed her arms over her chest and gave Clancy a look that the architect couldn't read. She didn't look angry or puzzled, but her eyes were slightly narrowed and her lips were pursed. After a moment she said, "You're right. I don't want you to be right, but you are."

Clancy got up and kissed her friend on the top of the head. "Call me if you wanna talk. I'm always available."

Abby watched the younger woman leave the house, wishing she could call her back and kiss her until everything was sorted out.

***

When Clancy got home she took off her clothes and took a long shower. After she was dry, she debated what to do with her evening. Watching television didn’t interest her, and she didn’t feel like reading. What she wanted to do was go to Abby’s house and shake her until she starting talking. Clancy had never been with a woman who was so guarded or so reticent to talk about her emotions, and it was starting to drive her mad. But she didn’t have any idea how to make the process go any quicker. She knew that she had to accept that Abby was different than she was, and learn to live with that difference – or end the relationship before it got any more involved.

Unable and unwilling to think about it any more, she went into her room and lay on her bed, deciding that she was too depressed to do anything more demanding.

X

Abby didn't call that night or the next, and just before Clancy went to bed on Tuesday, Michael stopped by her room. "Any word from Abby?"

"No, nothing. She didn't even come outside today. I don't know her well enough to know if she's thinking or ignoring me."

"Give her the benefit of the doubt," he said. "What could it hurt?"

She gave him a half-smile. "I suppose you're right. I'll try to assume she's sorting things out. But if she ignores me for long, I'm gonna hide after work until she thinks I'm gone, then jump out from behind a tree and tackle her when she lets the dogs out."

"Good idea. Glad to hear that you're thinking clearly as usual," Michael said. He blew his friend a kiss and left the room, hoping that Abby was as reliable as Clancy needed her to be.

***

On Wednesday night, Abby broke the silence by calling Clancy less than an hour after the architect had left the property. "Hi. Wanna go out for dinner?"

"Dinner? Uhm … sure. I guess. Where do you wanna go?" Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she was sure her teeth were chattering audibly. But Abby sounded like she always did, and that reassured Clancy – a little.

"Someplace where we can talk privately."

"How about the Continental?"

"The Continental? I don't think I know it."

"Are you kidding me? You've lived in Pasadena all your life! Everyone knows the Continental!"

"Well, I don't. Where is it?"

"Close to you, but parking is a bitch. So I'll jump in the shower while you drive over here. One car will be easier than two."

"Deal. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Oh, Abby? We'll probably be outside, so bring a sweater."

"Great. I love to eat outside."

An hour later they arrived at the Lake Street address. There was a long line, and Abby was a little disappointed that this was obviously a regular hamburger joint. But when they got to the counter, she saw that she could order nearly anything. The menu was truly humongous. "Is this a Greek restaurant?" she asked.

"Kinda," Clancy said. "And those are my favorite things. The shish kebobs are great."

"Interesting," the older woman said.

A smiling man came up to them and embraced Clancy. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you or Michael for weeks!"

"Oh, it's nothing personal," Clancy said, smiling. "I've been working like a dog."

"Who's this?" he asked, giving Abby the once-over.

"This is my friend, Abby," Clancy said. "Abby, this is Mike, one of the owners. Michael and I have been coming here since we were in high school."

"They're my best customers," Mike said, but Abby doubted him – given that Mike hugged nearly everyone in line.

"Any chance we can sit outside, Mike?" Clancy asked. "Abby and I have some business to discuss, and we need privacy."

"It is done," he said immediately. "Find Ricardo and tell him to set you up."

She smiled at him and nodded. "Will do. Thanks, Mike."

"You don't have to wait in line," he said. "Shish kebabs?"

Abby nodded mutely, and Clancy winked. "We'll go get our table."

They walked to the front of the line, and Clancy paid for two orders of shish kebab and a liter of Roditis wine. Then she took Abby by the hand and led her through rooms that seemed to have no connection to one another. They finally reached a lovely, quiet patio that was nestled up against a grocery store parking lot. The place was oddly tranquil, and Abby was very happy that they were able to be outdoors. Clancy found Ricardo, and after she’d hugged him, too, he led them to the quietest corner of the place. There was no table, but in a moment, Ricardo had one brought over. He put two chairs next to it, then draped it with a red and white checked oilcloth. A server came over and delivered their wine and some bread before they'd had a chance to sit down.

"Well," Abby said, looking around the dark, intimate nook, "I love the little Italian lights. Very cute."

"This isn't the world's finest dining," Clancy said, "but it feels like home. And it's as cheap as they come." She laughed nervously for a moment, then smiled when Abby took her hand. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," Abby said. "More than I could have imagined."

Before they'd taken a sip of their wine, Mike appeared with their entrees. "Here you go," he said. "You can stay all night if you want. I told Luz to ignore you if you don't ask for help."

"Thanks, Mike. This is perfect," Clancy said. With a small bow, Mike was off.

Abby was smiling fondly at her friend. "Does everyone like you?"

Clancy blushed at the compliment. "Uhm … most people do. I'm a good customer: I don't ask for much, I'm polite, I always leave a good tip, and I'm faithful."

"That's part of the reason I like you," Abby said. "Although you've never tipped me."

"Play your cards right," Clancy said, giving her friend a sexy smile.

Abby touched the corner of the younger woman's mouth. "That's another reason. You, Ms. O'Connor, are a very sexy woman."

"Sometimes," Clancy agreed. "So, what's been going on in the Graham household? Are things calming down?"

Abby took a bite of her food and nodded her approval. "A little. Hayley and I have talked about her new interest, and I'm still not sure if she's truly interested in dating women in general. She's a tough one to figure out."

"How about her mom? Is she interested?"

"I don't know if I'm interested in general," Abby said, "but I'm very interested in you."

Clancy ate some of her rice pilaf and smiled. "Interested enough to tell your family and friends? Interested enough to put up with the shit you'll get from some of the people in your life?"

"Yes, I am," Abby said. "I know it'll be hard, but I don't think I can turn back now. I'd feel like a coward."

"A coward?"

"Yeah. I'm very, very attracted to you, Clancy. It wouldn't take much for me to fall hopelessly in love with you. If I didn't act on this, it would only be because I was frightened, and that's not how I like to live my life."

Clancy's smile grew, and she took another sip of her wine, then touched Abby's glass with her own. "I love a woman with guts." She put her drink down and said, "Have you thought about why you said Hayley should give some thought to this before she went out with a woman?"

"Yes, I have," Abby said. "I think it's exactly the same way I felt when she started to date boys. I wanted her to think about it, decide what she wanted in a boy, how far she was willing to go sexually, how much of her time she wanted to devote to dating. You know – what was more important – her friends, her time with the family, or dating."

"Huh. I never spent time thinking about that," Clancy said. "Maybe because I could never get a date."

"That's changed," Abby said, smiling. "An entire household is ready to take you on."

Clancy ignored the comment and pressed Abby a little. "So you don't think that being in a lesbian relationship is a bad thing? Or that Hayley is doing something … abnormal?"

Abby looked shocked. "No! Of course not! I just surprised myself the other day when I was unable to put this into words. I've told you … I don't think well on my feet. That's why I was a history major. I take the long view on almost everything."

"Hmm … I'm careful, but I can always explain why I do something or like something. Will that drive you crazy?"

"Not if my way doesn't drive you crazy."

"Oh, you drive me crazy all right." Clancy was staring at Abby's lips, and finally, the older woman couldn't resist her for another second. They leaned into each other and kissed, their meals forgotten once they'd tasted each other's lips.

***

The next day, Abby watched Clancy and the men put their tools away, then she made a scramble for the front door, trying to look like as if it were happenstance that she'd chosen that moment to get her mail. "Oh, hi, Clancy, Ramon."

Ramon gave her a gleaming smile, his white teeth contrasting with his sun-darkened skin. "Good evening, Mrs. Graham."

"Hi, Abby," Clancy said. "Wanna see what we've accomplished in the last few days?"

"Sure. Is now a good time?"

"Perfect. We're all packed up." She patted Ramon on the back and said, "See you tomorrow." He got into the truck and started it, the radio playing loudly as soon as the engine kicked over. When he pulled away, Clancy made a face. "I tell him he's gonna ruin his hearing, but he never listens to me."

"You're so cute," Abby said. They were standing just inside the gate, not a very private place. Abby gave the landscaper a look that was filled with longing. "I've been thinking about you all day and remembering how your mouth tasted last night. I barely remember what we had for dinner, but I'll never forget how delicious you were. I wish I could kiss you right here."

"And you're the woman who couldn't get a second date, huh?" Clancy asked, smirking a little. "The better I know you, the more certain I am that you weren't trying, Mrs. Graham. You're as hot as a cheap pistol, and you could get any man in town if you looked at him like that."

"You're the only person I want, Clancy, so only you get the look."

Forcing herself not to take Abby's hand, the younger woman asked, "Hayley home?"

"No. I dropped her off at a friend's house a little while ago. A group of her friends are going to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl, then staying overnight together. I'm all alone."

Her comment was loaded with innuendo, and Clancy gave her a racy smile. "Know what would be fun to do?"

Abby nodded, then started to run, with Clancy following in hot pursuit. They reached the front door, both dogs going wild when Clancy stopped at the door to take off her boots and socks. The women were laughing, the dogs were jumping, and the whole house seemed alive. "This is just like when the kids are both home," Abby said. Almost immediately, her smile faded and she said, "I hope that didn't sound like I think of you as a kid."

Clancy gave her a wide smile. “You don’t treat me like a kid. Not ever."

“Still …”

Clancy smoothed the lines from between her eyebrows with the tip of her finger. “Abby,” she soothed, her voice dropping into a sexy timbre, “I don’t think maternal thoughts when I do this.” She slid her hands around her lover’s hips and drew her close, then tilted her head to kiss her gently, teasing her lips open with her tongue.

Abby responded enthusiastically, opening her mouth to suckle on the tip of the pink, wet tongue.

With a lusty growl, Clancy backed her up against the kitchen counter and pressed her hips into her, straddling her legs. She grasped her head and kissed her hungrily, not stopping until she felt Abby’s surprise give way to a keen response. They were grinding against each other furiously, with Clancy trying to get her hand between their bodies to palm Abby's breast. The older woman joined in the quest, helping her lover unbutton her shirt – her need for her irresistible. Neither heard the heavy footsteps approach the back door, and when John O’Connor peered in, he practically fainted dead away. He turned to leave, but Athena picked her head up and started to growl, causing Abby to turn her startled gaze to the door.

“Oh, shit,” she muttered, pushing Clancy away. “Your father’s here.”

Clancy whirled and faced the thoroughly embarrassed man, then turned Abby around to hurriedly help her button her shirt and tuck it into her shorts. With as much dignity as she could gather, she strode over to shush the dogs and let him in. “Uhm … hi, Dad,” she said, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Guess what?”

He tried to make light of the situation, giving Abby a grin as he said, “I’ve gotta start picking friendlier clients. Mine pay me by check.”

Clancy slapped him in the gut, but found that his attempt at humor had been successful. Abby actually looked relieved, and she approached him and said, “I’m so sorry, John. We shouldn’t have been doing that.”

“Why not? It’s your house,” he said. “You’re both adults, and you didn't know I was coming over. I should be the one to apologize.”

Looking at him tentatively, Clancy asked, “Are you okay with this, Dad?”

“Well, I don’t see any reason not to be.” He gave Abby a quick look, then turned back to his child. “She certainly isn’t after your money. She probably doesn’t have a criminal record or a drug problem.” He looked at Abby and asked, “You don’t, do you?”

“No,” she said. “I don’t drink to excess, either.”

“Well, that’s actually a bad mark in my book, but I won’t hold it against you.” He chuckled at his own joke and shrugged his shoulders. “As long as you don’t break my little girl’s heart, I don’t have a problem with you.”

“I would never do that intentionally,” Abby said softly, her eyes meeting Clancy’s. “She deserves nothing but the best.”

“Then we’re agreed. Now does anyone care to stop smooching and take a look at some of the samples I brought with me?”

Clancy gave her father a warm hug. “Thanks,” she said. “It feels great to know you’re on my side.”

“I am. Wouldn’t place bets on your mother, though. I think you two ought to come to the house this week and make nice with her.”

Giving Abby a sheepish look, Clancy asked, “Are you willing to do that?”

“Of course. Any night is just fine.”

“How about Saturday?” John suggested. “Then I can have a few drinks and not have to worry about getting up early.”

“Since when has that stopped you?” Clancy asked.

“Never has. I just don’t like to worry about it.”

***

John left at around 6:00, and as soon as he did, Clancy went in to grab a pair of beers. Abby was already sitting on the loveseat, and she patted the other cushion when Clancy came back out. “That was … interesting,” the older woman said, rolling her eyes. “It’s been twenty-five years since Will’s mother caught us groping each other. I’m out of practice.”

Clancy took a long pull on her beer and leaned her head back, letting some of the tension go. “I knew people would find out — I just thought they’d find out by my telling them.” She gave Abby a smile and said, “That’s the first time my dad has ever seen me with a girl.”

Abby blinked at her. “You mean with a girl? Or with a girl?”

“Both. Either. Your choice.” Clancy gave her a long look and said, “I’ve never taken anyone home to meet my parents.”

“In how long?”

“Twelve years,” she said. “I never had anyone I cared for enough.”

This news puzzled Abby thoroughly. “But I thought you said you dated someone for quite a while. I assume that was Julie.”

“It was,” Clancy confirmed. “I went out with her for nearly a year.”

“And yet …?”

“And yet,” Clancy said, “I didn’t take her to meet my parents.” She looked down at the ground for a minute, then stared into space as she continued. “Things were never smooth and easy between us. I say that we went out for a year, and that’s technically accurate, but it took us eighteen months to be together for twelve.”

“Huh?”

“In eighteen months, we weren’t speaking for at least six. We’d fight — vow to never see each other again — wait a few weeks — get back together and go through the whole cycle again. I think we liked the drama as much as we liked each other.”

“But if you cared enough for her to keep getting back together, why didn’t you want to share her with your parents?”

“It's not just because of how I felt about Julie,” Clancy admitted. “My mom wants me to be in a relationship — and if I bring someone home, that’s going to send a very clear signal to her that I’m serious. I haven’t wanted her to start supervising me — and watching to make sure I don’t screw it up,” she said.

“Oh, Clancy, I’m sorry I accepted your father’s invitation. I didn’t know you felt like that about it.”

Clancy’s eyes widened and she said, “I don’t feel that way about you, Abby. I want them to know you.”

“You do? Are you sure?”

“Abby,” she said softly, her eyes locked onto her friend's, “I told you the other night that I was falling in love with you.” She placed a soft kiss on her lips and added, “I meant it. You’re not just some woman I want to sleep with.”

Leaning her head on Clancy’s shoulder, Abby brought her hand up to rest on her abdomen. “I’m very glad to hear that. You’re not someone I’m wasting my time with, either. Every moment is precious.”

“But you’re not ready to think about the ‘L’ word, are you?”

“Uhm … does that means lesbian or love?"

"Love," Clancy said. "That's the important 'L' word."

"No,” Abby said, shaking her head, “I’ve got too many things to sort through first.”

“But that doesn’t mean that you won’t love me someday, right?” Clancy persisted.

“No, it definitely doesn’t mean that,” Abby said, kissing her one more time. "Are you hungry?"

“Not starving, why?”

Abby’s fingers dug between the folds of Clancy’s shirt to tickle the younger woman’s washboard abs. “You need to eat better. You’ve lost some weight that you can’t afford to lose.”

“We can eat later,” Clancy murmured, bending to kiss Abby’s neck. “Much later.”

“Hey,” Abby said. “It’s Monday. Don’t you have your dance class?”

“Oh, right! Wanna go with me? Or would you rather stay home and neck?"

"I'd rather stay home and neck, but since I was ready to have you on the floor of the kitchen, I think we'd better go out if we're gonna take this slow. You had me half undressed, Ms. O'Connor!"

Clancy blinked, then her eyes widened. "I didn't even realize what I was doing, but I had to feel your skin!" She leaned back and said, "We'd better go out!" She started to stand, then asked, "How would you have answered the question if I'd been asking if you were a lesbian?"

"I don't think I can be a lesbian, given how much I enjoyed having sex with my husband. And I think it's perfectly normal for straight women to have all sorts of fantasies. But straight women don't want to act on their lesbian fantasies," she said, wrinkling her nose. "I think that makes me a bisexual, don't you?"

"Whatever feels right for you," Clancy said. "I don't care what you call yourself as long as you want to kiss me."

***

When John O’Connor arrived home, he spent a few minutes sitting in his truck, trying to decide how much of his afternoon adventure to share with his wife. Realizing that he didn’t normally have much success in keeping things from Margaret, he went and greeted her in his normal fashion. “How’s the prettiest girl in Sierra Madre?” he asked, coming up behind her to kiss her neck.

“Not bad,” she said, patting him gently. “How’s the biggest bull thrower in town?”

“Good. Had a good day. We dropped a fiberglass pool into a yard in less than three hours.”

“That’s nice, honey.” She was stirring something on the stove and suddenly recalled something. “Did you go by Abby’s today? I’m dying to hear how Clancy’s doing with her big job.”

“Yeah, I dropped by,” he said, as neutrally as he could manage. “It looks like they've made good progress. Clancy seems happy.”

“Oh, good. I think I’ll call her after dinner to wish her well. I know this is awfully important to her. If she does a good job, she’s hoping that Abby will give her some recommendations, you know.”

“Yeah. I know.”

He went to the refrigerator to get a beer, and Margaret fixed him with a look and asked, “Was everything all right, John? You’re acting a little funny.”

For a moment, John thought about what had happened, then decided that Clancy likely found the whole thing to be funny. If that was the case, the odds were good that she’d tell the story on herself — and Margaret would learn that he’d been holding out on her. With a sigh, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I think I win the bet we made, honey.”

“What? How do you know?”

“Get out the papers,” he said.

Margaret went to her purse and pulled out the slips of paper. She opened hers and read, “Clancy and Hayley are falling in love.”

John shook his head. “Now read mine.”

She opened his and read, “Clancy’s got a crush on Abby.” She blinked and then blinked again. “Abby? She’s old enough to be Clancy’s mother!”

He sipped his beer. “It’s the truth, Margaret. They admitted that they’re involved.”

“You went over there for a meeting, and they looked at you and announced that they were dating.” Her raised eyebrow and deep frown showed that she was not buying the story.

“No, it was a little more embarrassing than that.” He looked at her and wrinkled his nose just like his daughter often did. “I caught them kissing.”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake! Don’t tell me Clancy was doing that in front of her crew!”

“No, Margaret. They were in the kitchen. I saw Ramon come down the hill right when I was coming up. We stopped and chatted for a minute, and he told me Clancy was in the back with Abby. I went around to the back, and when I didn't see them, I assumed they'd gone inside, so I went to the door and looked in.” He gave his wife a smile and said, “We were all embarrassed, but we got over it. I asked them over for dinner on Saturday. I think we need to get to know this woman, Margaret. I think she’s gonna be around for a while.”

She sat down heavily on one of the chairs that bracketed the kitchen table. “John, that woman has to be as old as I am! It’s not right!”

“Margaret, Clancy’s almost thirty. It’s long past the time we could tell her who to date.”

“Nobody knows that better than I do, John. Even when she was younger, I never got anywhere telling her what to do. I just want to make sure she’s thought this through.” She shook her head. “I can’t imagine why she’d choose someone so much older.”

“She’s always been interested in older women, Margaret. Hell, when she was eighteen, she’d only turn her head for a woman over thirty.”

Margaret stood and put her hands on her hips. “And how do you know that?”

Uh-oh. I had to open my big mouth. “Well … we talk about things, Margaret. You know that.”

“You talk about women that you find attractive?” Her wide eyes and pink face told him she was not a fan of this practice.

“She was on my crew,” he explained, as if that would make it clear.

“How does that make any difference? She’s your daughter! You don’t ogle girls together.”

“Who says we ogled?” he asked defensively. “Yes, she’s my little girl, but she’s also my buddy. I treat her like I treat my friends — and I’ve got to tell you, that’s part of the reason we’re so close.”

“Fine,” she huffed. “It’s unseemly, and you know it, but I’m obviously not going to convince you otherwise.” She had her arms crossed over her chest, and after a minute she looked at him curiously. “She’s always been like this?”

“Always,” he nodded soberly.

“But why? Doesn’t that mean there’s something … wrong with her?”

“Wrong?”

“Yes, wrong! You know what they say about people with a … mother fixation.”

Her mouth was curled up into a look of pure distaste, but John put his arms around her and gave her a gentle hug. “There’s nothing wrong with her, Margaret. Some people like blondes … some like brunettes … some like skinny girls … some like girls who remind them of their mothers.”

Gasping in pain, he once again reminded himself not to taunt his wife when he was in the middle of hugging her.

***

Abby was dressed in her cowgirl gear when they drove to Clancy's house. Michael was at home, and he smiled at the women when they entered. "Howdy," he said to Abby. "Hear you’re takin' my spot at the hoe-down."

"As long as you don't mind," Abby said. "I don't want to step on any toes."

"I don't mind," Michael said. "I stand up all day, so it's nice to sit down and put my feet up at the end of a long day."

Clancy went to change, and Abby sat down next to Michael. There was a brief, uncomfortable silence, then he said, "I'd give up my spot anytime to see Clancy with you. She's happier than I've seen her in years."

Abby blushed slightly, feeling embarrassed to have even this relative stranger know about them. But she fought through her embarrassment to say, "She makes me happy, too, Michael. I'll do almost anything to make this work."

He nodded, letting her words sink in. Damn, I wish she hadn’t added that 'almost.'

***

The women had an even better time dancing now that they weren't shy about touching each other. Clancy's heart was beating hard, and she wasn't sure if it was from the workout or how close she was holding her partner. During a timeout to have a glass of water, Abby asked, "Is it really okay with Michael to give up his dancing lesson?"

"Sure. We're buddies – we don't spend a lot of time apologizing for little things. He backs out if he has something better to do, and so do I."

“How long have you lived together?” Abby asked.

“Three years now,” Clancy said. “I moved into his building when I graduated from school. We got a two bedroom in the place where he had a one bedroom.”

“You were at home before that?”

“Yep. I stayed at home until I was through with school. It was the only way I could manage it financially.”

“How was that for you? I’m not at all sure that my kids would want to live with me during college.”

“It was fine,” Clancy said, taking such a big drink of water that her hat almost fell off. “Since I went to work for my dad as soon as I graduated from high school, our roles changed a bit. I wasn’t just a daughter — I was an employee and a co-worker. He and I grew closer, and my mom started to let go — more and more as time went on. After I came out to them, things changed even more. After a while, they didn’t even complain when I stayed out all night. Since they treated me like an adult, I didn’t mind being there.”

“Maybe that’s my problem,” Abby decided. “Maybe I haven’t made that transition yet.”

“It’s different in your situation,” Clancy reminded her. “They’re home for such a short time — it’s hard to set up a system that works for all of you.”

“I suppose. It’s hard to think that they’ll never live here again, but I guess that’s the way of the world.”

"What about your mother?" Clancy asked. "Has she let go of you?"

"Of me? Clancy, I'm forty-five!"

"I know that," the younger woman said. “But what about us?" She took another drink and looked around nervously. "I mean … if there is an us when you’re … I mean, if you decide to …”

Abby placed a hand on Clancy’s arm and patted her reassuringly, “I want there to be an us, too. I really want that, okay?”

Clancy nodded quickly, looking chagrined. “Sorry. I know we already decided that. I just can’t help wondering about the future.”

“Well, let me tell you this. You'll find that my mother is a delightful woman — without a judgmental bone in her body. My dad’s a little more traditional, but he’s a good man and only wants me to be happy. I’m confident they won’t have any long-term issues with us.” She chuckled and said, “My mom’s basically adopted some of my gay friends. She threw a huge party for my friend Maria’s fortieth birthday — without even consulting me first!”

“Do you have many gay friends?”

“Oh, sure. My friend Ellen and I play doubles with Maria and Pam every Saturday morning. I’m their daughter Alyssa’s godmother. And I told you about my friend Stephen, who I went to UCLA with, didn't I?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Oh, God," Abby said. "I can't believe I haven't told you about him! He was as close as a brother, and when he died of AIDS, it was absolutely devastating for my parents as well as me. Through him, I got involved with the AIDS Service Center here in Pasadena, and eventually, I served two terms on the board of directors. I made dozens of good friends through that. I gave my friend Spencer away when he married his boyfriend last year –”

“Damn, you’ve got as many gay friends as I do!” Clancy said, laughing heartily. “So — will you tell any of your friends about us … if there is an us?” she added with an impish smile.

“Of course I will,” Abby said, grabbing Clancy’s nose and giving it a tug. “And just for the record, Ms. O’Connor, there already is an us.” Running a hand up and down Clancy’s arm, Abby looked at her and said, “If things don’t work out between us, I’m going to be a wreck. I’ll need my friends to pull me through it — so I’m going to tell them soon.”

Clancy scooted her chair over until it was nestled between Abby’s spread legs. “If things don’t work out between us, it’ll be because you can’t make the commitment. I’m already in.”

Abby nodded, then laced her hands behind Clancy’s neck and kissed her tenderly. “I think I am too. I’m just … cautious — remember?”

“Thinking is highly overrated,” Clancy purred. “I'm a woman who likes to dance … and kiss. Which one do you want to do first?"

Abby smiled seductively, giving Clancy a very good clue as to what her choice was.

CHAPTER TEN

The next day, Hayley came home from her overnight and took a long nap. She got up while the crew was taking its lunch break and sat in the kitchen, staring outside with a scowl on her face.

"What's going on inside that frown?" Abby asked, ruffling her hair on the way to the laundry room.

"I hate having them here. We should have waited until fall. I can't even use the pool."

"You have friends who have pools," Abby reminded her. "And you can always go to the Rose Bowl to swim."

"I don't have my own car," Hayley whined. It was her mother's least favorite tone of voice.

"You can use Trevor's old bike, and you can use my car when I don't need it, honey. You can drive me to the golf course on the mornings I play. I can get a ride home."

"I don't wanna get up at 7:00 just to give you a ride," Hayley said. "And nobody rides a bike for transportation once she’s in college."

Abby realized this was one of the times that her daughter didn't want to brainstorm to figure out a solution to her problem. She wanted to gripe. And since Abby didn't like to hear griping, she started to go back upstairs to give herself a timeout. She was almost out of the kitchen when Hayley said, "I think I'll go to Maine now. There's nothing much going on for the next two weeks."

"But I already bought your ticket," Abby said. "I'm not sure we can change it."

Hayley gave her a puzzled look and said, "You can change it. You might have to pay a fee, but that's no big deal."

Abby looked at her for a moment, then cocked her head. "Why would I have to pay a fee? I didn't change my mind at the last minute."

"Oh, please!" Hayley got up and put her cereal bowl in the sink. “You can afford a couple of hundred bucks, Mom."

"Of course I can," Abby agreed, "but I'm not going to pay for you to change your ticket."

The girl turned and stared at her mother. "I thought you understood! I can't stay here with Clancy outside! A couple of hundred dollars means nothing to you! Nothing!"

"Hayley, it's not about the money; it's about being accountable for your decisions. I paid to send you to Maine when you wanted to go. If you want to change your ticket, you'll have to use your own money."

"Thanks," Hayley said, biting off the word. "Thanks for helping me out. I worked like a dog to make a little money, and now I have to spend it just to have a decent summer!" As she walked up the stairs, she was mumbling loudly enough for Abby to hear. "It wasn't about the money when I wanted a car, it wasn't about the money when I wasn't allowed to go skiing over Christmas, it wasn't about the money when I couldn't go to an out-of-state school —" Her slamming door shut off her litany of complaints.

Abby closed her eyes and counted to ten, not wanting to continue the fight. She knew she was helping Hayley out, but she also knew that it would be years, if ever, before her daughter realized it.

***

Even though Abby wasn’t concerned about telling her friends or her family about her new-found affection for another woman, she was tremendously nervous about the dinner she and Clancy were to attend with the O’Connors. She changed clothes three times, tentatively deciding on a pair of cream-colored linen slacks and a sky-blue, cotton sweater vest. She answered the door a few minutes later, finding Clancy in a bright red and white Hawaiian print shirt, a pair of faded jeans, and her Birkenstocks. “Pretty dressed up for the O'Connors," she teased. Taking a look at Abby's scrunched-up brow, she asked, “Are you weirded out about this?”

“Yes! I want them to like me, Clancy. I really want to make a good impression.”

“How could you not?” She put her arms around Abby's waist and hugged her close. “Anyone with a brain would like you — and my parents both have functioning brains. My gramma will be crazy about you, too, Abby. Just relax and be yourself.”

“All right,” she grumbled, heading for the back door to let the dogs out one last time.

***

Abby took a few calming breaths as they walked up the drive of the O’Connor home. “You’re sure this is okay?” she asked again, pointing at her outfit. "I don't want to look too much older than you, but I'd feel silly going to your parents’ house in jeans."

Clancy stopped. "Abby, you look lovely. This is what you're comfortable in. You don't need to put on an act. You are who you are, and I don't want you to change a thing. You believe me, don't you?”

Grasping her arm with both of her hands, Abby gave her a squeeze. “I do. I’m just so nervous.”

“Let me calm you down a little,” Clancy purred, slipping her arms around Abby’s waist to give her a warm, soft kiss.

The front door opened, and John O’Connor stepped out, giving them a smile when he saw their embrace. “Will you two give it a rest? Gramma’s got a weak heart, ya know.”

Abby flushed deeply, only partially relieved when Clancy said, “Her heart’s stronger than yours, Dad, and the last time she needed babying was in about 1925.” When they reached the door, Clancy gave her father a hug and kissed his cheek. “You’d better be the one who starts behaving, Dad. If you scare Abby off, I’m gonna hurt ya.”

“You don’t scare off that easy, do you, Abby?” he asked, extending his hand for a shake.

“No, I’m pretty hardy, John. I’m not used to a lot of teasing though — so you might have to bear with me for a while.”

“I can do that,” he agreed. “Now come on in — I’m famished.”

They walked into the modest frame bungalow and were immediately greeted by Margaret. “Getting Clancy home for a Saturday night dinner is quite a feat,” she said, shaking Abby’s hand. “Thanks for your help.”

“It wasn’t my doing,” Abby said. “Clancy really wanted to come.”

“Come on in and meet my mother,” Margaret said. She led them into the kitchen where a small-boned, fleshy, redheaded woman stood at the sink, shucking corn. “Mom, Clancy and her friend are here.”

The woman turned and gave her granddaughter a wide smile. “Turn off the damned TV so an old lady can hear, will ya, Bitsy?” Clancy did as requested and gave the elderly woman a hug and a kiss.

“Gramma, this is my friend, Abby. Abby, this is my grandmother, Eileen Donovan.”

“Pleased to meet you, Ms. Donovan,” Abby said, waiting patiently while Eileen dried her hands to shake.

“Call me Eileen,” the older woman insisted. She looked from one woman to the other and twitched her head. “So this is your new girlfriend, eh, Bitsy?”

“Something like that, Gramma,” Clancy said, slipping her arm around her grandmother’s waist. “We’re not engaged or anything, but I think of her as my girlfriend. Pretty, isn’t she?”

Abby gave her a mostly outraged look, but Eileen agreed immediately. “Oh, she’s pretty, all right. But why are you lettin' your hair turn gray, honey? Havin' color in her hair makes a gal feel young.”

Deciding to play the game, Abby grasped Clancy’s free hand. “Having Clancy around makes me feel young, and she likes it this way.”

“I do,” Clancy agreed, smiling at Abby with a toothy grin. “I think her hair and every other part of her is beautiful.”

“Well, I guess that’s all that matters,” Eileen agreed. She gave Abby another long look, squinting in the poor fluorescent light. “What color was it when you were young?”

“Gramma!” Clancy cried. “Abby’s still young!”

“That’s okay,” Abby said, seemingly not bothered by the older woman’s bluntness. “My hair was jet black,” she informed Eileen. “That’s part of the reason I don’t dye it. I really loved the color, but jet black hair on an older woman really looks dyed.”

“Eh, who cares if it looks dyed? My hair was a mousy brown when I was a girl, and now I’m thinking about going blonde like my little bits here. People will think we’re sisters.” She threw her head back and laughed heartily, and Abby was struck by the similarities between Clancy and the older woman. “Time to get busy, girls. We’ve got chicken to barbeque. Who’s gonna do it?”

“I will,” John said, walking over to the sink and giving his mother-in-law a friendly pat on the back. “I’ve been doing the barbequing for over thirty years, Eileen. Get used to it.”

“You never know,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Things change.” Giving the younger women a cheerful look, she said, “Well, you two can make a salad then. I’ve done my share.”

Abby blinked at her, extremely unaccustomed to the ultra-casual attitude of the O’Connor/Donovan household. But when Clancy started to wash her hands before getting to work, Abby joined right in and helped her make a large green salad, including cucumbers, tomatoes and carrots from John’s extensive backyard garden.

When they were finished, Margaret took over and prepared corn on the cob and some steamed broccoli, the latter also from the garden. By the time she was finished, John was coming in the back door with the chicken, a deep red sauce dripping from the succulent-looking pieces.

They ate at the kitchen table, a breeze coming in the backdoor, bringing in the sweet scent of a magnolia tree.

“Everything is absolutely delicious,” Abby said, complimenting all of the various cooks. “And the vegetables are amazing, John. So fresh and sweet.”

“We’ll have you back when the corn comes in,” he promised. “If you can get it into a pot of boiling water within five minutes of picking it, you won’t recognize it as the same stuff you buy at the grocery.”

Abby lifted the cob she was working on. “This seems pretty darned delicious to me.”

“He’s not kidding, Abby,” Clancy chimed in. “Fresh-picked is a whole different experience.” Looking at her father, she asked, “Middle of July, Dad?”

“Maybe even a week early,” he said. “Don’t worry; we won’t forget you.”

Eileen cocked her head after assessing Abby for a few minutes. “So, what’s your story, Abby? You from around here?”

“Oh, yes. Born and raised in Pasadena. I still live there.”

“In the nicest house I’ve ever been in,” Clancy added. “A beautiful Craftsman, Gramma — you know how much I like them.”

“I do,” she said, smiling warmly at her granddaughter. “So what else? We want details, honey. This ain’t just a social call. We’re trying to figure out if we like you.”

Abby was momentarily taken aback, but the sparkle in the older woman’s pale, sky-blue eyes assured her that Eileen was mostly kidding.

“Okay, I’ll do my best to impress. Born here, went to school here. Graduated from UCLA with a history degree —”

“Oh, when did you graduate?” Margaret asked for no apparent reason.

Abby recognized her hidden question and said, “I’m forty-five, Margaret.”

“Oh! Well, that’s not why I …” she started to say, but a pointed look from her daughter forced her to capitulate. “Well, I did wonder …”

“It’s fine,” Abby said. “I’m not embarrassed about my age.” She cleared her throat and took a sip of iced tea. “I was married after my freshman year and was pregnant by January. I gave birth to our son and went back to school after taking a semester off. I stayed at UCLA to earn a Master’s Degree in history. I didn’t think I’d ever use it, but I wanted to have something to fall back on in case I ever had to support myself."

"That's a smart move," Eileen said. "You can't ever rely on anyone else to take care of you."

Abby smiled at her, liking her feistiness, which reminded her of Clancy. "My husband was an attorney at O’Reilly and Monroe, and he died of a heart attack five years ago in May."

Eileen reached out and grasped Abby’s hand, startling her a bit. “I lost my husband three years ago,” she said, her eyes watery. “It’s horrible, isn’t it?”

“It was,” Abby said, seeing the frank understanding that only someone who had gone through the experience could share. “It still is — but it gets easier as the days pass. I don’t think I’ll ever be entirely over it, though.”

Giving her a small smile, Eileen shook her head and released Abby’s hand. “No, I don’t think so, either. My time’s just about up, but you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, honey. Forty-five is nothing these days. I say it’s time to kick up your heels a little.”

“Oh, I think I’ve done that,” Abby said, giving Clancy a shy smile. "Let's see … I told you about Trevor, who recently got his Master’s Degree in urban planning at M.I.T., and there’s also our second child, Hayley, who just finished her freshman year at UC Santa Cruz. I’ve never worked outside of the home, but I stay very busy. I play golf and tennis and I swim and I work with a few charities. My parents are both alive, and they live in Pasadena, also, although they spend their summers in Maine. Oh, and I have two dogs, both of whom love Clancy, and that’s about it.”

“Forgive me for asking,” Margaret said, getting right to the heart of the matter, “but is this your … first time with a … in a … lesbian …”

Abby almost said that this would, indeed, be her first time in a lesbian, but she didn’t think Margaret would appreciate the joke. “I’ve never dated a woman before, Margaret. I was very happily married, and I assumed that I’d eventually meet another man.” She turned and smiled warmly at Clancy, very aware of the hand on her knee. “But I met Clancy, and something clicked between us.” Turning back to the others, she asked, “Who can explain attraction?”

“That seems very … I’ve never heard of that happening before,” Margaret said tentatively.

“Well, it’s not very common in my experience either,” Abby admitted. “It took me completely by surprise.”

“It doesn’t matter if other people do it, Mom,” Clancy said. “Abby feels comfortable with this, and that’s all that matters.”

“Oh, of course, that’s true,” Margaret said, still looking unsettled. “And I certainly didn’t mean to question your decision, Abby. I’m just not very knowledgeable about these things.”

“We have a lot of things to work out,” Clancy said, her gaze sweeping across all of the members of her family. “We’re just dating right now, okay?”

“No problem,” John said. “We won’t put your name on the Christmas card yet, Abby.”

“You don’t even put my name on the Christmas card,” Clancy scoffed.

“I would if you chipped in for half,” John said. “Nobody gets a free ride, ya know.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Clancy said. She got up and started to clear the table, waving Abby off when she tried to help. “What did you make for dessert, Mom?”

“How do you know I made dessert?” Margaret asked, raising an eyebrow.

“‘Cause you always do when we have company. You’re the best baker in the valley, and you know it.” She leaned over and kissed her mother on the top of the head, and Abby smiled at the affection that Clancy showed her family.

“I don’t know about the best baker title, but I did whip up a lemon meringue pie,” she said. “With fresh lemons from our tree,” she added for Abby’s benefit.

“Ooh, my favorite,” Abby said, smiling. “I could eat lemon meringue pie anytime, anywhere.”

“You’re in luck, because Mom makes a fabulous one,” Clancy said.

Abby smiled at Margaret and said, “I’d love your secret. I’ve tried many times, but the meringue never sets right.”

“I’ll give you a few pointers,” Margaret agreed, returning her smile. “It’s Clancy’s favorite, too, so you’d better learn how to make it.” Abby felt her heart skip a beat at the multi-layered look that the slightly older woman gave her. She wasn’t able to read it all, but something about her tone indicated that Margaret was giving her tacit approval to the pairing, and Abby fervently hoped she understood the signals properly — because she very much wanted these people not only to tolerate, but to approve of her.

***

“Did you have fun?” Clancy asked after they had said their goodbyes and were settled in the truck.

“Fun? Was it fun?” Abby asked, narrowing her eyes as though she were deep in thought. “Well, once dinner and the inquisition were over, I started to have fun, but before that I was a nervous wreck!”

“That’s so cute!” Clancy impulsively pulled Abby close and kissed her enthusiastically. “You were absolutely charming tonight, Abby. Thanks for trying so hard.”

“I know your family means a lot to you, Clancy. Of course I’d be worried about making a good impression.” She batted her eyelashes shyly and asked, “Do you think they liked me?”

“Of course they did! Everyone likes you, Abby. You’re one of the most likeable people I’ve ever met.” She gave her another few kisses and said, “When Dad was giving you a tour of the garden, Gramma pulled me aside and told me that you were a keeper.” Placing a kiss on the tip of Abby’s nose, she added, “That’s high praise.”

“She’s a pistol,” Abby said. “I see a lot of her in you, you know.”

Clancy’s face grew serious and she said, “I hope that’s true. She means the world to me, Abby. She’s always been there for me — without question.”

“Did she always live with you?”

“No. We lived with my grandparents until I was five or so. My dad was struggling to get his business started, and my parents didn’t have enough money for a down payment on a house. We stayed with them until we bought our current house. Then about … I’d guess it’s been seven or eight years … my grampa’s health started to fail, and they moved in with us so we could all help care for him. So, we’ve lived together often, but not constantly.”

“It’s obvious how fond she is of you,” Abby said. “I particularly like the nickname she has for you.”

Clancy covered her eyes briefly and shook her head. “Bitsy is one of the better ones. You’ll be amazed at how many embarrassing names she has for me.”

“Well, I think it’s cute. I can just imagine you as an itsy bitsy little thing.”

“Better watch it there, Abby. I’m going to meet your parents some day, and I’m sure I’ll learn a few embarrassing things about your youth. Tread carefully.”

“Okay, Bitsy. I’ll mind my manners.” She snuck her hand up around Clancy’s neck and pulled her closer, then went for her lips, kissing her with a rapidly rising fever.

“Being happy makes me hot,” Clancy whispered, “and I’m very, very happy.” She set upon Abby’s lips with a vengeance, pressing the older woman against the door of the truck. Jumping when she heard a soft knock on the windshield, Clancy sat up and looked out the open driver’s door window. “Oh, Jesus!”

“Your, uhm, your mom wanted you to take the rest of the pie,” John said, looking slightly less embarrassed than he had the first time he’d caught them.

“We actually talk and eat and do all sorts of things together, Dad,” the blonde said, scooting over to accept the pie. “We’re not always making out.”

“Fine with me if that’s all you do,” he said, chuckling. “If ya wanna build up a little nest egg, put a buck in a piggy bank every time you have sex during the first year you’re together, then take a buck out every time you have sex for the rest of your lives. If ya live to be a hundred, you’ll still have money left. Hell, if we’d done that, we coulda sent you to college!” He laughed heartily, then reached into the truck to give Clancy a playful punch on the shoulder. “I don’t blame you a bit, Clance. She’s a fine lookin’ woman. Looks like she knows how to kiss, too.”

“Does anyone know if it’s possible to die of embarrassment?” Abby asked.

“Nah,” Clancy assured her. “We’d all have been gone long ago. Embarrassing each other is the O’Connor family birthright.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Having paid the penalty fee with her own money, Hayley packed up for her vacation on Friday. She didn't have to leave for an hour, and when Abby emerged from the shower, the girl was lying across her mother's bed, idly petting the dogs who flanked her.

The older woman went to her closet, spending a moment to choose an outfit. "Communing with the dogs before you leave?" she asked. She pulled an unstructured cotton dress from her closet and slipped it over her head.

"No. I came to talk to you."

Abby walked over to the bed and sat down. She touched her child's cheek and asked, "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah." Surprisingly, Hayley scooted over and put her head in her mother's lap while she encircled her waist in a hug. She was snuggled against her so tightly that Abby was puzzled.

"What is it, baby? Tell me."

Hayley started to cry, her face morphing into a facsimile of the same expression she'd made ever since she was a little girl and had skinned her knee. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk about changing my ticket," she whimpered.

Abby stroked her face, catching the tears when they overflowed her lids. "Oh, honey, that's okay. I'm not angry with you."

"I can't … I can't go away when I know you're mad," she sobbed. "I might never see you again."

"Hayley!" Abby reached down and grasped the girl, moving her so she could look into her eyes. "What brought that on?"

"I … I think about … stuff like that when I fly or go on a trip," she said, still crying hard. "Daddy didn't know he'd never come back when he left the house that day."

Abby pulled her daughter close and hugged her with all her might. "Oh, sweetheart, you'll come home, and I'll be waiting for you. Try not to think about such sad things."

"But I do," she insisted, unable to be consoled. "I don't want your last memory of me to be my whining about some stupid ticket!"

"Hayley." Abby rubbed Hayley's warm skin, trying to calm her. "I would never let some silly thing like that color how I feel about you." She pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Your father and I had countless arguments, honey, but I don't remember any of them off the top of my head. That's not what lasts. It's the love we feel for each other that remains. I promise you that, baby." She hugged her again and asked, "Isn't that how you feel about your dad? Do you remember the fights you had with him?"

"No," Hayley admitted, her voice still shaking. "I don't remember fighting with him."

"You did," Abby said, laughing just a little. "Every child has arguments and disagreements with her parents. It's one of the ways we grow up. But they're forgotten quickly, honey. I promise you."

Hayley looked at her mother, her eyes so filled with pain that Abby's heart clenched. "Do you love me, Mom?"

Abby clutched her to her chest and whispered, "I love you and Trevor more than I'll ever be able to tell you. You mean the world to me, Hayley. I love you with all my heart."

***

The pair sat together on the bed for a long time. They didn't say much; in fact, Abby thought her daughter had fallen asleep. Hayley's head rested on Abby's lap, and the older woman had been tenderly drawing her fingertips through her daughter's long, black hair. Hayley could rarely resist the slow, soothing massage and invariably fell asleep just as she had when she was a baby and Abby would scratch her back. But this time the girl wasn't sleeping — she was thinking. She stretched and rolled onto her back, leaving her head pillowed on her mother's lap. "Would you be cool with it if I turn out to be queer?"

With her heart going from a slow, steady beat to a full-on gallop, Abby forced herself to take a slow, deep breath, trying to make her racing thoughts settle down so that she could answer. Not for the first time, she wished that her daughter would give her some vague warning before she threw a bomb at her, but she was sure that wouldn't happen in the near future.

"Do you think you are?" Abby asked, trying to find out what Hayley was really asking – and why – before she got in too deep.

"I dunno."

Great. She never makes things easy. "Why ask the question?"

"I was just thinking about it. You didn't have much reaction one way or the other when I told you about Clancy." The girl shifted a little and turned her head so she could look into her mother's eyes. "Why?"

"Why?" Because I had a warning. Clancy told me you were interested in her right after we kissed for the first time. No … that won't fly. Think of a good answer. She always knows when you're not being honest. "I guess I didn't react much because it didn't seem like a big deal."

"It was a big deal to me!" Blue eyes were blazing with indignation.

"No, no," Abby soothed, stroking Hayley's cheek. "I know you were upset with Clancy, but you didn't act like you were heartbroken. You acted like she'd hurt your feelings and embarrassed you. Not like you were so crazy about her that you couldn't go on."

Hayley's mouth slid into a small smile. "I guess that's true. She really pissed me off. She wouldn't even consider going out with me. Made me feel stupid."

"Haven't you ever turned anyone down flat?"

"Yeah … but nobody cute!" There was a momentary pause, then Hayley started to laugh, with Abby following right along.

"Pretty confident there, aren't ya?" Abby teased.

"No, not really," Hayley said. "You know what I mean, don't ya?"

"I'm not sure. Tell me."

"I don't hang around with a guy unless I'm a little interested in him. Clancy treated me like she liked me, and I know she's single. All I wanted to do was have dinner with her, but she acted like she'd rather stab herself!"

"Oh, honey, I'm sure it wasn't that."

Hayley looked right into her mother's eyes and asked, "Did she tell you about what happened?"

"Yeah, she did," Abby said, her heart beating so hard, she was sure Hayley would be able to feel the blood pounding in her thighs.

"Did she tell you why she wouldn't go out with me?"

"Uh-huh." Abby had never tried so hard to sound casual, and she found it much harder than she would have guessed. "She didn't think it was right to go out with you because of her position. It's not a good idea to go out with a member of a client's family. Clancy's very careful about things like that."

"She goes out with you," Hayley said, one of her dark eyebrows rising a bit. "You went out to dinner last night."

"Right," Abby said, wondering if Hayley knew CPR in case her heart stopped, "but I'm the client. You're my precious daughter. What if you'd gone out and you fell for her, but she didn't feel the same? She couldn't afford to have me take your side. She's a professional, honey. Not just someone you met on your own."

Hayley gave her mother one last look, which Abby couldn't read. Then she moved again and settled down with her head in her mother’s lap. "I guess she was right," the girl said. "All she did was refuse a date, and I threw a fit."

"I think she was right," Abby said, "but I hate having your feelings hurt – even though Clancy did the proper thing."

"I'm over it," Hayley admitted. "Pretty much."

Scratching her scalp again, Abby asked, "Do you think you're gay?"

"I don't know," Hayley said, sighing dramatically. "I don't know what I am. I've never met a guy who really clicked — I thought I'd try a girl."

"I guess that is the other option," Abby said, trying to sound lighthearted.

"It's frustrating, Mom," the girl said. "Do you know that I've never had an orgasm with a guy? Never! I thought a woman might care enough to at least try!"

Oh, God, why does she have to tell me things like this? "Hayley, anyone who cares about you will try to satisfy you. Not all men are clueless."

"All the ones I've fooled around with have been."

"Then you need to shop better," Abby said. "I could always tell if a guy was interested in me long before we got romantic. I bet you can tell, too."

"They all seem interested in me," the girl said. "By the end of the first date, they're all over me!"

Abby tried not to laugh. "That's not how a guy shows he's interested in you as a person, honey. That's how he shows he's interested in your body. There's a huge difference!"

"What's the difference, Mom?" She'd turned her head and gazed into Abby's eyes, looking guileless and innocent.

"When a man's really interested in you, he uses the date to get to know you – not just as time to kill before he can start pawing you. If he's interested in you, and you're interested in him – you'll feel it. I promise."

"Is that how it was with Daddy?"

Abby started to shut down as she always did when Hayley asked her very personal questions. But this time she told the truth. "Yes. That's exactly how it was. By the end of our first date, I knew he was special. And I could tell he was interested in me. He called me the next day, and I think I would have gone crazy if he hadn't."

"Did you sleep with him?" Hayley asked, always pushing.

"Of course I did," Abby said, watching her daughter's eyes grow wide. "Where do you think you and Trevor came from?"

***

On the way to the airport, Abby began to feel melancholy about having her baby leave the nest once again. "I hope you have a great time in Maine," she said, "even though I'm gonna miss you like crazy."

"I doubt that," the girl said. "You're probably sick of me by now. I know I get on your nerves, Mom."

Abby gave her a stunned look. "Hayley, I'm never sick of you! Why would you ever think that?"

The younger woman stared out the window, looking at the variety of buildings on the U.S.C. campus as the car crawled through the slow traffic on the 110 freeway. Traffic was moving slowly enough for Abby to look at her daughter's profile for long moments. The young woman looked very depressed, much more than she usually did after a small disappointment. "Sweetheart, what's going on? I'm very glad that you came home, and I'm sad to see you go. If anyone seems upset about your stay, it's you."

Hayley nodded slightly. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I should have gone to Italy with Trevor. Of course, you probably wouldn't have let me go. I couldn't go last Christmas."

Abby sighed, wondering how many times that topic would be brought up. "I would have been happy to send you to Europe with Trevor, honey. I even suggested it at one point. You know very well why I wouldn't let you go at Christmas."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. We need to stay together on the holidays."

"That wasn't my main reason, and you know it. I wasn’t going to let my daughter go skiing in Gstaad without any adult supervision. I know your friends have a lot of money, and they're used to having a lot of freedom – but that's not how you and Trevor were raised. My job is to protect you until I feel you're old enough to make mature decisions. And when you're with Kerry and Dana and Maya, you get carried away."

"I do not," she grumbled.

Abby was tempted to recount instances when Hayley had, in fact, gotten carried away when she was with her friends, but she thought it best to drop the matter. She reached over and caressed Hayley's hair, running her fingers through the thick, black strands. "No matter what you might think, I'm going to miss you, honey. I love you – plain and simple. And I always try to make decisions that are in your long-term best interests. Even though you think I treat you like a child, I honestly try not to."

Hayley turned and gave her mother a half-smile. "I know you love me, Mom. It's not your fault I'm having a shitty summer. Maybe things will be better by the time I get back from Maine."

"I hope so, honey. I know summers are important, especially since you only have three more before you have to start supporting yourself." She smiled at the stunned expression on her daughter's face, reminded once again how very young Hayley often seemed.

***

Abby watched the minutes tick by like hours, feeling as if Clancy would never finish for the day. When the crew finally knocked off at 6:00, the landscaper walked down to the house and knocked on the door. "Hi," she said, being casually formal since Ramon was nearby. "We've finished as much as we can do right now. Wanna take a look?"

Outside, Abby smiled at Ramon. "You've done a wonderful job so far. I'm very, very impressed."

"Thank you, Mrs. Graham," he said. "We have a good crew."

Abby went to the edge of the pool, looking up at the hill to take in the stark, concrete block structure. It's going to look great when it's finished," she said. Turning to Clancy, she said, "I need one more thing added to the project."

"Sure. We love to add things, don't we Ramon?"

"It depends on the thing," he said, his mouth curling up in a smile.

"This one is simple," Abby said. "I talked to my new neighbors and offered to paint the side of the wall that faces their property. They're going to choose the color soon. Is that okay?"

"You don't have to do that, Abby," Clancy said. "The wall is entirely on your side of the property line."

"I know I don't have to," she said, "but the gray concrete block is pretty stark. My side will look lovely, but theirs … Well, I wouldn't want to have them put up a wall that I'd have to finish off."

"You're a good neighbor," Clancy said, smiling at the older woman.

"We love to paint," Ramon said. "No heavy lifting."

"Great! I'll get their color choice and let you know."

Ramon gave her a slight bow and said, "The crew is in a hurry to get home. There's a big fútbol game tonight."

Abby looked puzzled, but said, "Have a good weekend, Ramon. We'll see you back here soon."

As the man walked away, Abby said, "It seems early for football."

"He's talking about soccer," Clancy said. "All of the guys are from Mexico, and there's a bar they go to in Los Feliz to watch the Mexican national team on satellite."

"That sounds like fun," Abby said. "Maybe we should join them."

Clancy gave her a hungry look and asked, "Did Hayley leave?"

The older woman removed Clancy's cap and played with her hair, acting unconcerned, "Uh-huh. We're all alone."

"Then we probably should go to Los Feliz. There won't be anything fun for just the two of us to do."

Abby grabbed onto the architect's khaki shirt and playfully tossed her around. "I have a couple of things in mind, and the first one is going for a swim. Care to join me?"

"Well, it's not soccer, but it'll have to do," Clancy said, giving her a toothy grin.

***

After a long, relaxing swim, Abby brought out plastic glasses filled with cold beer. The pair sat in the Jacuzzi and let the warm water soothe away the stress of the week. "I'm so relaxed, I could fall asleep right here," Clancy said.

"No dinner?" Abby moved closer and put her arm around Clancy.

"Well, maybe a little dinner."

Kissing a wet path up the tanned, muscular arm, Abby said, "How about a few kisses? Does that interest you enough to stay awake?"

"I guess I could stay up for a few … but then it's right to bed," Clancy said, smiling.

"Bed it is," Abby replied, making Clancy's eyes go wide when she realized what Abby had just agreed to.

She watched her friend's long, lean body as Abby went into the house to start dinner, realizing that she wasn't tired any more. In fact, she was tingling all over and couldn't wait for dinner to be finished.

***

When Clancy got to the back door, Abby handed her a towel, a T-shirt, and a pair of boxers. “I put your clothes in the washer. They looked like you’d been buried in mud!”

“This was a dirty day,” Clancy agreed. “Mind if I wash my hair?”

“No, go right ahead. I’ll have dinner ready by the time you’re finished.”

Clancy batted her eyelashes and said, “Those are the words I’ve longed to hear.”

Giving her a pat on the seat, Abby said, “Get going now. You don’t want your dinner to get cold.”

Clancy walked into the bathroom, whistling a happy tune as she did.

***

The women were a little tentative with each other during dinner. As long as their conversation concerned the landscape, everything was fine. But neither was addressing the topic that Abby had hinted at – that she was ready to take their relationship to the next level.

They cleaned the kitchen together, neither saying much. Even the dogs were quiet for a change, and Clancy swore that she could hear the clock over the sink ticking.

Abby finally cleared her throat and said, “Why don’t you go into the den? I’ll toss your things in the dryer and be right in.”

Clancy did as she was directed, but she wasn’t sure how to turn the TV on, so she sat down with the dogs, all three expectantly waiting. Abby laughed when she walked into the room a few moments later. Clancy was sitting on the couch, flanked by Athena and Artemis, all three of them upright and alert. “What are you all waiting for?”

“Our favorite person,” Clancy said, smiling

Abby returned her smile, but it only lasted for a moment. “I’ve been … I don’t know how to ask this …”

“What is it?” Clancy asked. “Is something wrong?”

“No, not wrong, but …” She let out a breath and said, “I’m worried about your truck.”

“My truck?” The look on Clancy’s face was one of total confusion. “What about my truck?”

“If we … if you decide to … stay over …,” Abby began, her voice catching on nearly every word.

Clancy stood and went to her friend. Putting a hand on her shoulder, she said, “Don’t worry about that. I’ll move it a few blocks away. No one will see it.”

Abby closed her eyes. “I feel like a fool for worrying about this, but I know all of my neighbors, and one of Hayley’s friends lives just down the street –”

“It’s not a problem,” Clancy insisted. “I’ll move it right now.”

“Let me drive behind you, so you don’t have to walk.”

“That’s not necessary. Really. But you can make me a nice cold drink for when I get back.”

“What would you like?”

“Surprise me,” Clancy said. She blew Abby a kiss, then went out the back door to get her boots.

***

Clancy returned a few minutes later, smiling when Abby opened the pedestrian door in the gate. “I forgot about getting back in,” she said. “I could have been out here all night!”

They walked into the house together, the dogs rejoicing at Clancy's return. In the den, there were two large glasses of lemonade sitting on the coffee table. "Mmm … I love lemonade," Clancy said. She sat down, picked up a glass and took a large drink before Abby could say a word. The older woman did hold up a hand and try to signal the landscaper, but she was too late. Clancy nearly spat the mouthful across the room. She slapped her hand over her mouth and managed to get it down, then looked at Abby like she'd tried to poison her. "What in the hell is in this?"

"I thought you might like something a little stronger than regular lemonade," she said, looking sheepish. "Trevor clued me in on this. I swear I tried to warn you …"

Clancy picked up the glass, sniffed it tentatively, took a more moderate sip, then said, "You know … it's good … now that I'm prepared for it." She smacked her lips and added, "Actually, it's very good. How do you make it?"

"It's pretty easy," Abby said. "Take a can of frozen lemonade and add a can of vodka along with two cans of water. Voila!"

"Wow," Clancy said. "This is the kind of cocktail my friends would like."

"Feel free to share," Abby said. She took a drink and relaxed into the corner of the sectional sofa. "I'm a little nervous. How about you?"

The younger woman leaned back as well, then linked her hands around a knee and rocked back and forth for a moment. "Little bit. Haven't done this in a while."

"Me either," Abby said. "A really long while. Actually … never."

"You know," Clancy said, "even though I haven't done this in a while, I have learned one thing in my dating career."

"What's that?"

Clancy took a drink, then said, "Don't rush it. You can't plan on when the right time will strike you. Doing things on a schedule guarantees a bad experience."

Looking at her with affection, Abby asked, "Have you had many bad experiences?"

"Yeah, I've had my share. Things were hard when I was young. We'd have to have sex because we had a place – rather than a burning desire."

"Mmm … makes sense. But things seem so much easier when you're young, don't they?" Abby sipped her drink as she looked at her friend contemplatively. "As you get older, you think more." She laughed softly. "Thinking gets you in trouble."

"Yeah." Clancy sipped at her lemonade, then said, "There was a simple beauty to being able to think only about the present. Gets harder every year." She smiled at Abby and said, "Now I think about today, tomorrow, next year, the rest of my life."

"Do you think of me when you think about the rest of your life?" Abby asked.

Clancy nodded. "Definitely." She put her drink down and turned so she was facing the older woman. "Every time. You're in my plans … my dreams."

Abby looked at her and said, "That makes my heart race." Her eyes fluttered closed. "It's been such a long time since someone's cared about me like that."

"I care about you," Clancy said. "Very, very much."

"I care about you, too," Abby said. "It astounds me how much."

"Still nervous?" Clancy asked.

Abby smiled wryly, "More than ever."

"Let's go sit outside. It's a lovely night."

"Okay. Will I be warm enough?"

Clancy looked at her outfit — a roomy sweatshirt the color of lime sherbet, and a pair of pink oxford-cloth boxer shorts. "You might be a little chilly, but I can help keep you warm."

They went outdoors, the dogs, as usual, following them. "It's perfect out," Abby said, "but you can still keep me warm."

Clancy sat down on the thick pad of the loveseat and put her arm around her friend. "I feel a little like a teenager at a movie," she said. "Should I have tried the fake yawn before I inconspicuously draped my arm across your shoulders?"

Abby lay her head on Clancy's shoulder. "No, I think we can skip ahead a little bit. Let's act like we're in college — at least."

"I can do that." Clancy leaned back, able to spot a few stars through the ambient light of metropolitan Los Angeles. "It's so nice out here. I can smell the magnolias and the night-blooming jasmine."

"Yeah. There's something about jasmine …"

Clancy's voice dropped into a lower register. "Mmm-hmm. Something about it smells sexy … seductive."

Abby sat up and placed her finger just below Clancy's ear. Slowly, she slid it down her neck, past her shoulder, running it all the way to her hand. A riot of goose-bumps followed in her wake, and she saw Clancy shiver. "I love it when your voice gets low and sexy."

"Something about you makes it that way," the blonde said. "When we're together, I immediately find myself wanting to hold you. It's all I can do to stop myself from hugging you when you come outside to bring water to us."

"Maybe your men would just think you were very, very thankful," Abby teased.

"No, they're a pretty savvy bunch. Ramon picked up on Hayley's crush on me before I did."

"Oh." Abby, suddenly and obviously uneasy, looked at her friend. "Do you think he knows about us?"

"If he does, he hasn't said anything," Clancy said. "He's pretty up front, so I'd expect him to ask me if he thought something was going on."

Abby shook her head, looking like she was trying to dislodge a thought. "I don't know why it bothers me. It shouldn't."

"Doesn't matter if it should or not," Clancy said. "You can't order your feelings around. If you want, I'll brush Ramon off if he asks."

"No, don't do that," Abby said, feeling like she was being silly. "We'll figure out what to do when the time comes."

Clancy sat quietly, taking in the small nights sounds of the neighborhood. An occasional car would drive by, but their privacy wasn't even disturbed by headlights any longer, now that the concrete blocks were up. The only clue that they were surrounded by other people was the muted sound of an engine straining up the steep hill. This was the quietest, most tranquil yard she'd ever been in, and merely sitting outside made her feel rejuvenated.

They sat that way longer than either realized, and Abby got up when they'd finished their drinks, bringing out refills. Clancy accepted, even though she was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. She didn't normally drink on a work night, though she often kicked back on the weekends. This just seemed like a very good night to have a little chemical relaxation.

After another few minutes had passed, Abby cuddled up closer and put her hand on Clancy's stomach. "You have the hardest little belly I think I've ever felt," the older woman said. "Are these what they call washboard abs?"

"Yeah," Clancy said, laughing a little. "As long as I stay at around a hundred and twenty pounds, they're visible. But they're the first things to go when I put on a little weight. The muscles are still there, but you can't see 'em."

Abby was quiet for a moment, then asked, "You can see them?" Her voice sounded both sexy and curious, and Clancy decided to tease her a little.

"Uh-huh. But you've got to take my shirt off."

Abby put her hand on the dark green T-shirt she'd given her friend, tentatively stroking from her shoulder down to her elbow. "I love the way you fill out a shirt," she said. "I can feel the material straining here at the seam. I've never touched a woman who felt like you do."

Chuckling, Clancy asked, "How many women have you felt?"

"A few," the older woman said, smiling when Clancy did a little comic take.

"A few … like your daughter and her friends when you're putting sun-block on their backs? Or a few … like …" She stared at the other woman and said, "I don't even know what I'm asking."

"The latter," Abby said, nodding mysteriously.

"Care to explain? I thought you'd resisted all attempts to make you a feminist lesbian."

"I did," Abby agreed, "but I didn't know what I was resisting until I’d had a little taste. You know I'm a curious person."

Clancy turned in her seat, her head cocked at a severe angle. "Spill it. Now."

Abby laughed. "There isn't a lot to tell. I went to school during a very turbulent time. Young women were questioning everything they'd ever been taught. I didn't realize it at first, but most of my friends were starting to pair off and sleep together. I don't think most of them were exclusively lesbian, but they weren't opposed to an occasional woman lover."

"Damn, now you've got me wondering if my mom ever did that!" Clancy's voice warbled a bit in alarm, and Abby sought to comfort her.

"Did your mom go to college?"

"No. She married my dad not long after graduating from high school. Why? Do you need a degree to experiment?"

"No," Abby laughed. "But that was the right environment for being around women who were trying things like that. We had segregated dorms, lots of marijuana, four women to a room …" She smiled. "Things happened that wouldn't have happened to a young woman who still lived at home. Besides," she said, "why does it bother you so much to think of your mother having sex with another woman?"

"I'm barely comfortable with her having sex with my dad," Clancy said. "Quit freaking me out!"

Abby put an arm around her and gave her a comforting hug. "Calm down, baby, I'm sure your mother and father only had sex once. And that was probably an accident that happened while they were asleep. I'm sure neither one of them felt a thing."

Clancy poked her in the ribs and pulled away. "Think about your mom getting sweaty with another woman and see how it feels!"

"Point well taken," Abby said, smiling.

"Besides, I think you're just trying to throw me off the trail. I wanna know what you did in college, not what my mom didn't do."

"I didn't do much," Abby said. "A few kisses, some backrubs. Lots and lots of stiff muscles at U.C.L.A.," she added, chuckling.

"Tell me about these kisses," Clancy said, drawing closer. "Give me an example."

Abby looked at her, a quizzical expression on her face. "You're really interested, aren't you?"

"Hell, yes! I had no idea you'd ever kissed another woman!"

"Well, I don't know if you've ever kissed a man."

"I haven't. Now tell me about this!"

"Okay, okay," Abby soothed, giggling a little. "I didn't know a few kisses would be this big a deal."

"They are," Clancy said, staring at her intently. "Spill it."

"All right," Abby said, sitting back. She thought for a few moments, then said, "The woman I told you about — Katie — the campus leader who tried to convince me that feminism equaled lesbianism?"

Clancy nodded, then sat back, too. Even though she was sitting quietly, she was more alert than Abby had ever seen her, intent on every word. "We'd only been friends for a short time. I was a freshman and she was a senior. We met while working on a project for some cause … I don't even remember what it was. I was very impressed with her, and probably had one of those adolescent crushes on her."

"My mom didn't have crushes on girls," Clancy said, her tone making it clear that this wasn't up for discussion.

"Right. Well, we got to be friendly, and we'd go to her room to talk or smoke a joint. I thought I was pretty cool to be hanging around with a senior, and I was probably a little star struck. Katie was always giving a speech or championing some great cause." She laughed at the memory. "It all seemed very important at the time. Anyway, she started to talk to me about women loving women. I hadn't given the topic much thought before, but it didn't particularly shock me. It seemed … pretty natural."

"Natural? Were you attracted to girls when you were younger?"

"Yeah, a little bit," Abby said. "I had crushes on a couple of teachers and thought some of the older girls in my school were about the coolest things ever created. But I'd never associated sexual feelings with those crushes. I just thought they were … divine," she said, laughing again.

 "So what happened with Katie?"

"Well, she rubbed my back one night while I was very stoned, and I wouldn't have minded if she'd turned me over and touched me wherever she wanted."

Abby said this like it was the most natural thing in the world, but Clancy's head was spinning. "You wouldn't have minded? Minded?"

"Yeah. It felt very sensual and erotic … but it didn't make me want to jump on her. It would have felt very natural to have her touch me, but I wasn't craving it. It's hard to explain."

Clancy blinked. "I guess it is 'cause I'm clueless!"

"It's not that big a deal. Not long after that, she was in my room one afternoon. I lived in a dorm close to where the football team practiced. It was a warm fall day, and I had the windows open. I remember hearing an occasional shout from a coach and the thud that a football makes when you kick it. I felt like such a college girl." She smiled again, thinking of herself at that age. "Katie was sitting on my bed, and the afternoon sun hit her, making all sorts of gold and red highlights in her hair. I sat down next to her, and she put her hand on my thigh. We sat there for a few minutes, looking into each other's eyes, then I put my hand on her cheek and pulled her closer. We smiled at each other, and I found myself kissing her."

"Wow," Clancy said, nearly slack-jawed. "You kissed her!"

"Yeah, I certainly did. She kissed me back, and that felt awfully good, so we started to make out."

"You said a few kisses!"

Abby smiled. "So math's not my best subject. I don't know how many kisses we shared. But it felt great, and I could easily have kept going — if my roommate hadn't come in."

Clancy slapped herself in the forehead. "Damn that roommate!"

Running her hand up and down Clancy's leg, she asked, "Why do you want me to have had sex with a woman? What difference does it make?"

"A lot!" Clancy said. "Then you'd know you liked it. I wouldn't be so nervous about your throwing me out of here in the middle of it!"

Abby put her arm around the younger woman and drew her close. When they were nose to nose she said, "I'm not going to throw you out of here. Just because Katie and I didn't have sex has no bearing on us. I'm very, very attracted to you, Clancy. And I know who I am now. I'm not afraid of this."

"Is that why you didn't have sex with Katie? Were you afraid?"

"A little. I liked it better when I was making the first move. That felt safe to me. But after that afternoon, she kept trying to talk me into it. That never works with me. I don't respond well to pressure."

"I’ll keep reminding myself of that," Clancy said. "I don't wanna make Katie's mistake."

"Hey, I was eighteen at the time. I've grown up a little bit … I hope."

"You've grown up nicely," Clancy said. She put one arm around Abby's back, the other behind her knees, and slid the older woman right onto her lap. "You don't mind if I make the first move, do you?"

Giving her a delectably sexy kiss, Abby whispered, "I prefer it." She tilted her head and started to nibble on the blonde's ear, immediately able to feel a hard nipple pressing against her arm. "So responsive," she murmured, letting her hand brush over the breast that had captured her attention. She draped both arms around the architect's neck and hugged her close. "I like this," Abby said. "A lot."

"I like it, too," Clancy agreed, staring intently at her partner's lips. "Perfect for kissing."

Abby leaned in and started to kiss the full, pink lips, hearing herself moan when Clancy's mouth opened slightly. They held each other tightly, pressing their breasts into one another. They kissed until each was out of breath, then Clancy pulled back and looked into Abby's eyes, desire radiating from the blue orbs. Immediately, they fell into another embrace, kissing and sucking on each other's lips with a rapidly escalating intensity.

"I'm getting a little dizzy," Abby said, blinking slowly. "I don't know if it's from your kisses or the lemonade."

"Maybe it's both." Clancy pulled her close and kissed her with passion, making Abby moan and squirm on her lap. The next time their oxygen-starved lungs forced them to pull apart, Clancy looked at the taller woman and whispered, “I want to take you to bed. Will you sleep with me?” She was speaking directly into Abby’s ear, gently nibbling on her earlobe.

“Yes.” She sighed deeply. “Yes, I will.”

One last time, Clancy pulled back and looked into her friend’s eyes. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to ever regret this.”

Her head nodding, Abby kissed the younger woman and said, “I’m completely sure.”

They stood, Clancy took her hand, and they walked into the kitchen together. When they reached the stairs, she stopped abruptly to ask, “What about the dogs?”

“They’re fine,” Abby assured her, patting her gently on the side, completely disarmed by her friend’s thoughtfulness and concern. "I'll put the lemonade away so they don't knock it over." Clancy watched her move, her mouth going dry when she saw the sensual, feline grace that her friend exhibited when she was aroused. Joining Clancy on the stairs, Abby draped her arm around the smaller woman’s shoulders. “They can sleep alone for one night. I choose you,” she said, dropping a kiss onto the soft skin of Clancy’s neck.

“Poor dogs,” the younger woman said. Then her face creased into a wide grin as she added, “Lucky me.”

***

They reached the top of the stairs, and Abby seemed to hesitate for a moment. Clancy’s heart tripped, hoping desperately that she hadn’t changed her mind. But a moment later, the brunette turned to the left and guided Clancy into an attractive but sparsely appointed room. The space surprised Clancy, mainly because the rest of the house was filled with personal mementos and photos of the family. This room, while nicely decorated, was devoid of any such adornment.

Abby hesitated just inside the door, looking to Clancy to take the lead. They were standing close to one another, and Clancy guided Abby’s arms to drape around her neck, then she put her hands on her friend’s hips, smiling gently when she felt the womanly curves mold under her hands. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she said thinly. “I’m a little uncertain because this is my first time —”

“No, it’s not,” Clancy interrupted. “I’m sure you’ve made love more than I have. It’s not much different from what you’re used to. All that’s important is that we express how we feel.” She gave her a confident smile and said, “I’m sure you’re an expert in how to do that.”

The small pep talk reassured her significantly, and Abby grasped Clancy’s hand and led her to the bed. Clancy sat and gazed up at her friend, her eyes reflecting her desire. Abby looked down at her, her hands resting on broad shoulders. She bent to kiss her, keeping her touch light and delicate while their bodies got used to this level of intimate contact.

Clancy’s hands slipped from Abby’s waist down to her hips, and she pulled her close. Leaning over further and further, with Clancy pulling gently, Abby found herself straddling the younger woman while she greedily sucked at her lips and tongue. Clancy felt like her head would explode, having her long-held desire finally becoming a reality. The passion was building quickly, and Clancy took a breath in surprise when Abby started to take control.

Abby sat up slightly and yanked her sweatshirt over her head, then tugged on Clancy, trying to pull her completely onto the surface of the bed. The shorter woman wasn't easily moved, but when Abby whispered, "Come up here," she scrambled onto the bed, then sat facing Abby. When she had her settled, Abby grasped her T-shirt and removed it quickly, then stopped abruptly when her eyes settled on the shining nipple ring. Having never seen one up close, she gazed at it for a moment. Her hand moved tentatively towards it, and Clancy gently reassured her, “Go on. Touch it. Any way you want.”

Her eyes shifted and locked onto Clancy’s, and she asked, “Doesn’t it hurt?”

Clancy smiled gently and shook her head. “No, no, no. Not by a long shot. It feels great.” She took Abby’s hand and moved it to her breast, silently encouraging her to explore. The older woman did, quietly watching Clancy’s face as she touched the ring lightly.

A small smile greeted her, and the smile grew wider as her explorations got a little more enthusiastic. She found that she could turn the heavy ring, and that Clancy’s eyes started to narrow every time she did. A definite throb was beginning to pulse between her legs, and she bent and took the decorated nipple into her mouth — sucking gently while her tongue moved the ring up and down and pulled on it slightly.

“Oh, yeah,” Clancy growled. “That feels so good.” Her voice was rough and sexy, and Abby felt her pulse start to pound even harder. She switched her mouth to the other breast and sucked at it deeply, groaning at the sensation of having her mouth completely filled with the firm, soft flesh.

Clancy’s hands were never idle while Abby explored her body. She touched the older woman everywhere she could reach, grinning in delight when her touch created a rash of goose-bumps all along the soft skin. Abby was moaning throatily with each lusty suck, and she lifted her head abruptly and locked eyes with Clancy. Without a word, she stuck her thumbs into her shorts and pushed them off, then tossed them aside and lay on her back. Clancy leaned over her with a questioning look, and Abby grabbed her and pulled her down, smiling when she felt the weight of the sturdy torso atop her. “I need …” she started to say, then decided to show Clancy rather than tell her. She grasped the landscaper’s hand and guided it between her legs, sucking in a shaky breath when the supple fingers slid into her wetness. “Yes, that’s it. Touch me, Clancy. Touch me … inside.”

Clancy slid one arm around her shoulders and drew her close while she entered her with agonizing slowness. Abby’s breathing was harsh and shaky, and when Clancy’s fingers had traveled the length of her, Abby grasped the muscular arm and held her still, panting gently as she felt her flesh conform to the unaccustomed fullness. “Kiss me,” she breathed, her eyes closed tightly.

Clancy dipped her head and lavished a shower of kisses on the soft, full lips. Her hand started to move slowly, and Abby’s hips began to thrust to meet her. They kept up the smooth, slow, rhythmic pace, their tongues dancing against one another’s the whole while.

Abby’s legs spread even wider, her body trying to increase the depth of penetration. Clancy sensed her need and rotated her wrist, her fingers sliding along the floor of her lover’s vagina. She let her fingers curl a bit to follow the contours of the slippery flesh, smiling through the kisses when Abby gasped in pleasure and clutched at Clancy roughly. “Oh, God,” she groaned. “So good.”

Holding her just a little tighter, Clancy slid another finger in and smiled broadly as Abby purred with pleasure. Their mouths joined again, Abby sucking voraciously on Clancy’s tongue. Both of Abby’s hands slid down and she grasped Clancy’s powerful arm firmly, taking control. Slowly but steadily, she guided her — increasing the pace inexorably, urging Clancy to thrust a little harder.

Abby’s mouth opened, and her jaw moved, but not a sound emerged. She gasped for air, and Clancy could feel the flesh tighten around her fingers. Gripping hard, Abby held her still, her hands wrapped tightly around Clancy’s forearm, her entire body rigid — on the edge of the precipice. Keeping her fingers still, Clancy gathered a dollop of lubrication onto Abby’s clit and started to gently rub her thumb over it. The wet flesh that enveloped her fingers began to pulse and throb, and she lightened her touch even more, barely skimming across the ultra-sensitive skin. Abby’s grip grew stronger, and her body coiled. Her breath caught in her throat just seconds before she blew it out in a great rush as she exploded into paroxysms of sensation — washing through her body like a raging torrent of feeling. The experience was so overwhelmingly intense that she didn’t — she couldn’t — cry out. Barely a sound left her lips — but her body provided a stunning commentary on the pleasure that buffeted her.

Slowly, her muscles began to relax, and she loosened her grip on Clancy’s arm. Her fingers were nearly cramping, as were her legs, and she whimpered slightly when she tried to stretch out. Clancy planted a few soft kisses on her face, then gently wiped at the beads of perspiration on her brow. Abby draped her arms around her neck and pulled her close once again, kissing her lazily. “How could you possibly know my body so well?” she murmured after a few minutes.

Clancy grinned rakishly. “Seen one, seen ‘em all?”

“No way." She kissed her again, then spent a few moments looking into her eyes, the emotion so great she wasn't able to speak. Finally, she smiled and said, "You're a fantastic lover. That's all there is to it.”

“Like I’m gonna argue with that?” Clancy started to run a hand along Abby’s moist skin. “Let’s say that we inspired each other.” Abby gave her a curious look and Clancy said, “You showed me what you needed. It’s easy to be a good lover if your partner shows you what she likes.”

“So … that was okay? Guiding you like that?” she asked tentatively.

Clancy kissed her again, lingering on her particularly succulent lower lip. “Of course it was. There’s nothing worse than making love to someone and having her lie there, making you guess.” She shuddered and said, “I’ve had that experience once. And once was more than enough.”

Abby brushed at the damp hair along Clancy’s temple and placed a kiss there. “Have you had many lovers?” Her eyes suddenly lit up, and she immediately tried to retract her question. “I don’t know why I asked that! You don’t have to tell me —”

“I don’t mind,” Clancy said immediately. “You’re my fifth.” She gave the matter some thought and specified. “My first time was when I was eighteen. Then I met a woman the next year and thought we had a chance to make something happen. But she was too closeted for me. My standards are pretty high, and I had a dry spell for a couple of years,” she said, chuckling. “Next I dated Julie, and you know that story. My last was three years ago. That was a very brief, very unsatisfying rebound fling that I shouldn’t even count,” she said. “So if I toss her out, you’re number four.” She rolled onto her side and gave Abby a playful grin. “I shouldn’t have to count someone who didn’t like plants, didn’t laugh at my jokes or manage to give me an orgasm, should I?”

“How do you know that I can?” Abby asked with a slightly frightened look.

“Oh, you’ll do just fine,” Clancy said as she patted her side. “I was about ten seconds away when you came. If you can turn me on that much without even touching me — we won’t have a bit of trouble.”

Abby gave her a shy look. “Is that true? Were you really close?”

“Oh, yeah.” She started to kiss Abby again, moving her lips softly along her jaw, then down her throat. “You turn me on more than anyone I’ve ever been with. There’s something about you that I find absolutely irresistible.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” Abby teased, hoping that Clancy didn’t.

“No way. I’ve enjoyed being with almost all of my lovers, but I never felt that elusive spark. I can’t name it — all I know is that I feel it with you.”

Abby looked at her carefully, then swallowed and said, “I want to make you feel it now.” Her hands roamed up from the waistband of Clancy’s shorts to glide over her breasts. “Will you tell me what you like?” She met her eyes and admitted, “I’m really nervous.”

Enfolding her in her arms, Clancy nodded, rubbing her chin against the top of Abby’s head. “I’ll give you a running commentary if you want. I can be like those announcers on the golf tour, where they whisper in the background.”

Abby pulled back and gazed up at her fondly. “I’ll let you know if it’s too much, but I’d really like it if you erred on the side of full disclosure.”

“It’s a deal.” She hugged her tightly again and said, “There’s one thing I’d really like.”

“What’s that?” Abby asked with a still-worried look.

“I’d like for you to spend some time getting to know my body. Don’t think about orgasms. Explore and enjoy yourself. It’ll help you feel more comfortable — guaranteed.”

Abby nodded and explained, “You feel so different from a man. It’s a little hard to get used to.”

“My body’s like yours,” Clancy whispered conspiratorially into her ear. “I know you touch yourself.”

Abby looked up at her, earlobes tinted pink. “You’re very open about this, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am. Does it bother you?”

“No, no, it’ll just take some getting used to.” She looked at Clancy again and found her courage. “Of course I masturbate,” she said. “I could count the times on one hand during my marriage, but since then …” She shrugged. “My sex drive started to come back about three years ago — and since I didn’t have any other outlets …”

Clancy rolled onto her back and spread her arms wide. “You do now,” she teased gently.

“I guess I’d better take full advantage,” Abby said, her expression sober. “You never know when the opportunity will arise again.”

Gazing at her thoughtfully, Clancy wondered where the hell that comment had come from. But she didn’t want to act like it was a foregone conclusion that they would continue their intimacies – especially if Abby didn’t think they would. The last thing she wanted to do was push her, so she bit her tongue and smiled up at her, trying to send the silent message that she was hoped this was only the first of thousands of times they'd make love.

Abby sat cross-legged on the bed and regarded the younger woman. She wasn’t quite sure where to start, and she felt more than a little like she was performing before an audience. She had felt so very connected to Clancy just a few minutes before, and she desperately wished for some of that magic to fill her again. Clancy sensed her discomfort and sat against the headboard, pulling Abby with her. She held her in her arms, rubbing her gently for a few minutes. “Wanna go to sleep? It’s okay if you do.”

“No.” Her head shook quickly, the short hairs at the base of her head tickling Clancy’s chest. “I’ve lost the mood a little, and now I feel uncomfortable. It’s like the difference between returning a serve in tennis and teeing off in golf. It’s much easier if you only have to react.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Clancy asked. “As you’ve said, I’m a stupendous lover, so I know how to fix that.”

“Uhm … I believe I said fantastic,” Abby jokingly corrected.

“Either way, I've got the answer. We’re gonna play follow the leader,” she said, grinning when she saw the look on Abby’s face. “I’m gonna show you what I like — by doing it to you.” She punctuated the end of her sentence by touching Abby’s nose at each word. “You’ll learn what I like, and you won’t be teeing off. You’ll be returning my serve.”

A grin settled on Abby’s face. “Will this work?”

“Oh, yeah. Like a charm.” Clancy smiled and said, “The first thing that you have to know is that I like a lot of kissing. A whole lot of kissing,” she amended. “You can never have too much kissing.” She placed a gentle, meaningful kiss on Abby’s soft lips, and her eyelids fluttering closed in response. Pulling away slightly, she waited just a breath and then said, “Your turn.”

Abby’s smile crinkled the corners of her mouth, and she leaned in and returned the kiss with equal fervor. “Like that?”

“Perfect,” Clancy sighed. “Let’s do a few more so we’re clear, okay?”

“Practice, practice, practice,” Abby agreed.

They kissed gently, tenderly, expressing the affection they felt for one another. Clancy was softly panting when they broke apart, and she said, “You catch on quick.”

“Thanks. I’ve taken that class before. It’s the advanced placement courses that have me worried.”

“You’re doing great — just great,” Clancy assured her. She placed Abby on her back and leaned over her. “Let’s move on. Now,” she said, her eyes roving all over Abby’s bare body, “I love to have my lips kissed, but that's not the only place I like a good kiss. A little sucking, a little nibbling — even a gentle bite or two are all very nice.” She demonstrated her point to perfection, painting a warm, wet path from Abby’s chin to her toes.

As soon as the blonde paused, the larger woman pinned her to the mattress and returned the favor, making Clancy moan with pleasure.

She had to blink to focus, but Clancy gathered herself to instruct, “Don’t forget the rear view.” Rolling Abby over, she followed no path this time, alternating a wet, sloppy kiss to the back of her knee with a bite on the neck, a slow suckle of a little pink toe with long, luxurious licks along her spine. Abby was shivering from the sensations, unable to keep her body from twitching roughly.

When Abby took her turn, she was nearly mad with desire, moaning insensibly while her mouth and tongue and teeth marked Clancy’s smooth, soft body. Panting roughly, she turned the younger woman over and gazed into Clancy’s eyes with wanton desire. “I’m ready — I’m so ready, Clancy.”

“So am I,” she whispered, moving down Abby’s body like a leopard stalking its prey. She settled down, draped one long leg over her shoulder and dipped her head between Abby’s thighs. She gently spread her lips, delighting when she felt the shudder run down Abby’s entire body. Keeping her eyes on her partner’s, she pressed her face against Abby and gave her a deep, wet kiss, letting her tongue just peek out of her parted lips.

“Oh, God,” Abby moaned, twitching her hips to increase the pressure.

“Mmm-hmm,” Clancy purred, her mouth beginning to water from the burst of sensations that suffused her senses. Abby’s sweet/salt taste, her delicate, musky scent, the throb of her pulse, almost visible through the swollen flesh — all combined in a delightful mélange of pleasure. She gathered herself and tried to focus, beginning to gently nibble on the puffy outer lips, running her tongue along every inch of skin, Abby’s guttural moans providing the rewarding accompaniment. Drawing a thin inner lip into her mouth, she lightly suckled it, her toes curling when she heard Abby cry out.

She was completely taken aback when she felt her whole world turn, and she found herself on her back — Abby hurriedly pulling the boxer shorts off. The blue eyes were narrowed with desire, and she panted huskily, “I can’t wait to taste you.”

Clancy relaxed onto the bed, spreading her legs wide at Abby’s urgings. The larger woman tried to nestle into the warm space, but found that she couldn’t get comfortable. Tossing a pillow onto the floor, she got onto her knees and tugged Clancy towards the edge of the bed, smiling when the younger woman immediately placed her feet on her shoulders and lay back.

Abby wasn’t sure what to expect, and she dipped her head rather tentatively. Hovering above Clancy for just a moment, she felt her heart calm as she regarded her — so open and vulnerable. The gift that Clancy was offering was one she took very seriously, and Abby leaned into her and returned the passion-filled kiss that Clancy had previously graced her with.

The sensations burst upon her tongue — indescribable, unique, and yet deeply familiar, reminding her of her own scent — one that she’d tasted upon Will’s lips so many times. She breathed in and let the younger woman’s fragrance fill her senses, then began to explore. With her tongue and her lips, she moved over every bit of flesh both hidden and openly revealed. Clancy moaned continually, her hands clutching Abby’s hair, sometimes pulling a little too firmly. Whenever the younger woman would yank hard, Abby would back off, wait a moment, then move on to another less-sensitive spot. But as soon as Clancy’s body relaxed, she’d dive in again, grinning to herself when she drew another gasp from her.

Her hands were resting atop Clancy’s thighs, and as she continued to nuzzle at her, Clancy reached down and directed one hand towards her opening. “Come inside me, Abby. I need to feel you.”

With her mouth never ceasing its gentle sucking, Abby slid into Clancy’s warmth, a small groan leaving her when she felt how deliciously slick and hot she was inside.

She was so enraptured by the experience that she almost failed to hear Clancy pant out, “Hold … still … hold still and let me move against you.”

Abby stilled her tongue and her fingers, but Clancy grabbed her hand and pushed it into herself, urging Abby to continue penetrating her. Her hands went to Abby’s head, and she pulled almost completely away from her touch, the older woman observing in rapt fascination. When her swollen flesh was barely touching Abby’s soft tongue, she pumped her hips, letting herself glide against Abby for just a few moments. She whimpered softly, then stilled completely, and after just a heartbeat, Abby felt her begin to pulse and twitch deep inside. After a few powerful contractions, Clancy grasped her lover’s head tightly and panted out through gritted teeth, “Soften your tongue and lick me everywhere. Gently … gently,” she urged, her voice rising in a full-throated moan as Abby followed her instructions precisely.

Slowly, Clancy released her grip, and let her legs drop from Abby’s shoulders to fall along the mattress. Abby climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around Clancy’s trembling body, holding her gently until her wildly beating heart slowly calmed. Clancy finally summoned the energy to look at Abby, giving her a wan smile as she said, “I told ya you could do it.”

***

When Clancy could string together a few coherent sentences, she nuzzled her face against Abby’s breasts and said, “That was worth waiting for.” She turned her head a little and pulled a perky nipple into her mouth, giving it a quick suck. “Your turn.”

“Again?” Abby asked, showing her white teeth. “I get to go again?”

“You can go again and again and again,” Clancy assured her. “I can keep going until you’ve had your fill.” She waggled her eyebrows rakishly and said, “Some of the few benefits of youth — appetite and stamina.”

“I might take you to your limits,” Abby warned. “I’ve got five years of pent up desire lurking right underneath this placid surface.”

“We’ll see who gives out first.” Clancy gave her a toothy grin and added a little growl. “Now, where were we when you zoomed ahead of me in the game?” Abby lay flat on her back and spread her legs, a shy smile covering her face. Clancy smiled back at her and said, “Ahh … that’s right. I was partying right around … here.” She scooted down so that her head was nestled between Abby’s legs and shot her a charming grin. “That’s right, isn’t it?”

Abby didn’t even attempt to respond. She merely ran her fingers through the short hairs at the back of Clancy’s head and pushed her gently towards the target.

“Mmm,” Clancy purred when she tasted Abby’s essence once again. “Delightful.” She settled down comfortably and nuzzled her face in close, using just the tip of her tongue to lightly trace over all of the surfaces.

Abby tried to press against her, but Clancy wasn’t about to be hurried. She was going to take Abby on a nice, slow, sensual ride, and she knew exactly where she wanted to go. Pressing her hands against Abby’s hips, she lightened her touch even more — giving her partner the clear message that she was in control.

After a moment of struggle, Abby’s body stilled; she sighed and said, “You’re the boss.”

Clancy’s head lifted enough to make eye contact. She winked playfully.  “You’ve got that right,” she said, then dropped her head and let her desires lead her. She decided that nothing would please her more than to simply savor the sensual delights of Abby’s body. She languidly explored the sights, the sounds, the tastes and aromas that her senses virtually drowned in. She was nuzzling softly against the wet, warm flesh, determined to taste every bit of the skin that throbbed against her tongue. Abby started to moan a little louder, jerking her hips more forcefully, so Clancy eased off again, smiling when she heard Abby let out a frustrated grunt.

Clancy came up onto her elbows and breathed a stream of cool air across Abby’s heated skin. “Trust me,” she murmured softly. “I’ll take you there. Relax and let me love you.”

Reaching out blindly, Abby grasped one of Clancy’s hands and brought it to her mouth, kissing across her knuckles, then pressing the warm palm against her face. “I do trust you, Clancy. I do.”

***

Even though they’d only been sleeping for an hour or so, Clancy woke just after 7:00. A bright, full smile settled onto her face when she felt Abby shift in her sleep and cuddle up even tighter. The architect let her hand drift down and stroke Abby’s back, soothing her in her sleep. As she caressed her, Abby’s breathing deepened, and she sank into near unconsciousness. God, she’s a beautiful woman, Clancy reflected. And can she ever make love! Her eyes rolled in her head as she recalled a few images of their passion-filled coupling. She’d held a sneaking suspicion that Abby would be very free and loving in bed, but the reality had exceeded her expectations — by a mile.

She heard a soft whimper and then another, and she quickly realized that it wasn’t Abby making the sounds but the dogs. She gently moved Abby’s head from her own chest and placed it on a pillow. “Sleep tight,” she whispered, then padded across the room to find her discarded shorts and T-shirt. Putting the wrinkled clothing on, she silently opened the door and shushed the dogs, then sank to a crouch and allowed them to give her a very warm greeting. “The whole family has talented tongues,” she commented to the pups as she led them downstairs.

Taking a peek into the laundry room, she pulled her shorts, panties and shirt from the dryer. Abby had obviously done her share of laundry, since Clancy’s dirty red socks still sat on the floor, along with her sports bra. “Somebody’s learned her lesson about red wool socks,” she commented to the dogs. “And she knew that I don’t like my bras put in the washer. We’ve already proven we’re compatible.”

After giving the dogs breakfast, Clancy figured out how to use the coffee maker and went outside to wait for the coffee to brew. She curled up on one of the loungers and fell asleep immediately when both dogs climbed onto the surface with her, their warm, soft bodies lulling her into a deep sleep.

***

Abby woke slowly, her body a little stiff and a little sore from the thorough loving she had received. Even though it was a completely new sensation, she felt remarkably comfortable, to her surprise, with the realization that she and Clancy had thoroughly breached the friend barrier. The scent of the young woman lingered, and she smiled, a little amazed and more than a little pleased with herself. I don’t know if I surprised Clancy, she mused, but I shocked the hell out of myself. She and Will had enjoyed a very fulfilling sex life, and he had always complimented her on her willingness to experiment and express herself. But she was surprised that she had done so with a new partner — and a woman, no less. Maybe I’m not getting older, she thought with a smirk, maybe I’m getting better.

She assumed that Clancy was in the bath, but when she didn’t hear a sound for a few moments, her heart started to beat rapidly. “Clancy?” she called. When she got no answer, she got up and peered out the window, but the yellow truck wasn't in its usual spot. Going to the door of the guestroom, she opened it and called out again. “Clancy?” The only response was two eager dogs, running up the stairs quickly, licking her bare body enthusiastically. Her heart sank, and she began to feel a little sick to her stomach. She left me? We made love all night long, and she got up and left? She called out again, knowing that she was wasting her time. If Clancy were anywhere in the house, the dogs would be with her. She must have left. Maybe her closing the door is what woke me.

She fell onto the bed and lay completely still for a few minutes, her heart thudding in her chest. Did this mean nothing to her? Jesus, she said she was falling in love with me! The minutes ticked by, and the dogs climbed onto the bed with her, Athena laying her head on Abby’s belly.

What could have made her leave? This doesn't make sense – unless she didn't have as wonderful a time as I did. She felt sick to her stomach again, thinking of the intimacies she had shared with Clancy, and of how willingly she had offered herself to the young woman. She got up slowly, feeling more like an eighty-year-old than herself. Maybe she's not the type to stay over after she has sex. She went to the stairway and leaned on the railing, thinking of how wonderful it had felt to walk up the stairs the night before – filled with anticipation. Well, I'm not the type of woman who wants a drive-by sexual encounter. I guess I didn't know her as well as I thought I did. That’s one mistake I won’t make again. I swear I’ll never sleep with another person unless we know each other very well and have definitely fallen in love. She shook her head as she padded into the bathroom to wash the scent of their lovemaking from her body. Things I wish I’d decided yesterday.

When Abby got into the shower, the dogs ran back downstairs to see Clancy. They were pretty sure they weren’t due for a bath, but a dog could never tell, so it was safer to be on a different floor when the shower started. They leapt onto the chaise, waking the architect from a sound sleep. “Hey, give a woman a little peace, huh?” she growled at them. Even though they’d woken her before she was ready, she couldn’t stay mad at them. She was nearly giddy with happiness — her dreams of being with Abby not only coming true, but coming true in such a spectacular way.

She stretched, went into the kitchen, and heard the shower running. “Hey, she’s up,” she commented to the dogs, then wondered why she always conversed with them, since they were never able to keep up their side of the discussion. “How should I play this, guys? Does she like to have breakfast in bed?” she asked, only to get the silent treatment again. She decided to let Abby dictate the tone for their interactions. Just in case — I won’t put my real clothes back on. She might be taking a shower so she’s nice and fresh for another roll in the hay.

A silly grin settled onto her face, and she started to whistle. She took out a tray and poured a cup of coffee, adding a little half-and-half just the way Abby liked it. Then she added a glass of juice and a bowl of granola, slicing a banana on the granola to make sure Abby got her vitamins. While she was preparing breakfast the phone rang, and she heard a woman leave a message on the answering machine confirming plans to play tennis at ten o’clock. Damn! It’s already 9:30. She sulked mildly and groused, I guess we won’t be going back to bed. She heard Abby walking around upstairs, and she grabbed a vase and filled it with water, then took some shears and went outside to cut some flowers to add to the tray.

Abby came downstairs a moment later and stopped in surprise when she saw the neatly prepared breakfast. “Clancy?” she tried one more time. The coffee was hot, so she knew the young woman was close by, and her heart started to beat faster. She poked her head out the door and found the landscaper walking across the patio in her bare feet, last night’s boxers and T-shirt covering her body. They made eye contact, and before Abby knew what was happening, she had burst into tears, crying helplessly as Clancy ran the rest of the way. She nearly dropped the vase in her eagerness to set it down. Then she threw her arms around Abby.

 “What’s wrong?” she soothed. “Tell me.”

“I … I … I thought you’d left,” she gasped out. “I thought you slept with me and then walked out.”

“Abby,” she murmured, “I’ve never done that in my life.” She held her at arm’s length and gazed at her seriously. “You wouldn’t be the woman I’d start that with.”

Resting her head on Clancy’s shoulder, Abby cried piteously, letting out all of the hurt and abandonment she’d felt when she’d woken up alone. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled several minutes later. “This is so new for me — I don’t really know how to behave.”

“Hey, all you have to do is be yourself,” Clancy assured her. “You can never go wrong expressing how you feel.”

“I feel better now that I know you’re here,” she sniffed.

“I feel better now that you’re up,” Clancy said. She held the vase up in front of Abby and said, “I brought you flowers. Well, technically, I brought your flowers to you.”

“Thank you,” Abby whispered. “They’re beautiful.”

Clancy led her to the breakfast bar and urged her to sit. “You’ve got a tennis date in a few minutes. You’d better eat quickly.”

Abby moaned and sat down to gulp down the food Clancy had provided for her. “I like bananas on my cereal,” she said with a wan smile.

“I do, too,” Clancy said, ruffling her hair gently. “Oh, thanks for not putting my socks in the washer. I forgot to tell you that they still bleed.”

“No problem,” Abby said, finding herself looking up shyly to meet Clancy’s eyes.

Clancy went into the bathroom by the laundry to get dressed, and she came out a few minutes later, a little wrinkled but mostly clean. Abby was finishing her meal, and Clancy came up behind her and wrapped her in a hug. Abby grasped the arms that encircled her and gave them a squeeze. “I had one of the most remarkable nights of my life last night,” the younger woman whispered, tickling her ear. “It meant a lot to me, Abby, and I hope it meant something to you, too. I … I don’t want to press you about the future, but I wanted you to know that.” She leaned around just enough to reach Abby's lips and give them a lingering kiss. “Have a nice day playing tennis with your friends," she added as she straightened.

Abby nodded and watched the young woman walk towards the front door. Abruptly, Clancy turned and scampered back into the laundry room. She picked up her unwashed bra, sheepishly tucked it into one of the pockets of her cargo shorts, and blew Abby a kiss.

Shaking her head at her lover’s antics, Abby watched her leave, feeling her heart sink when Clancy closed the door. How can I miss her already?

CHAPTER TWELVE

Abby called Clancy when she got home from her tennis match. The architect answered on the fourth ring, sounding a little slow. "H'llo?"

"Ohh … did I wake you?"

"Little," Clancy admitted. "I started working on some plans, then woke up to find my head on my desk. I took that as a clue that I might need a nap."

Laughing softly, Abby said, "I could use a nap, too. I'm not used to staying up so late."

"Wanna nap together?"

Clancy sounded adorably hopeful, but Abby wasn't as enthusiastic. "I'd love to, but I have a dinner to go to tonight. If I had you in my bed, I wouldn't feel like napping." Her voice was soft and sexy, and Clancy's teeth hurt just to hear it. "Do you mind?"

"Hell, yeah, I mind," Clancy said, chuckling. "I wanna be on you like aphids on roses."

"Aww … a flower simile. I want that, too, but I have to be alert tonight. I'm on the committee that puts this dinner together, and I'm going to have to run around like mad." She thought for a second, then asked, "How about coming over to meet me when I get home?"

"Sure," Clancy said. "What time?"

"Come whenever you want," Abby said. "The dogs would love to have some company. You could use the Jacuzzi, take a swim."

"I'll be there before you leave if you don't stop tempting me," Clancy said. "Hey, would it be okay if I brought Michael over?"

"Of course! There's only one rule. No glass in the pool or Jacuzzi. You know where the towels are, right?"

"We can bring our own towels, Abby. We don't have to act like we're going to a spa."

"Don't bother. Really. We have plenty, and I wash a load of towels nearly every day. It's no trouble."

"We'll see," Clancy said, making Abby laugh at her attempt at sounding like a parent. "I'll see you when you get home."

"I can't think of a better thing to make me wrap up my business as soon as possible. See you then."

***

After hanging up, Abby stood up and stared at the phone for a moment. She put her hand on it and removed it three times before she shivered slightly and walked away, hugging herself. She found herself wandering aimlessly around the house, looking for something to occupy her mind. She felt restless and twitchy, unable to fix on anything for long. But her body was fatigued … as tired as she'd felt in ages. She and Clancy had only slept for an hour or two, and three sets of tennis with her friends had served to deplete the small amount of energy she had. But her mind wasn't listening to her body.

The dogs were as restless as she, always tracking her mood. She looked at two pairs of brown eyes and said, "I'm going to go lie down, girls. Wanna join me?"

They wagged their tails excitedly, though they had no idea of where they were going. Together, they went upstairs, and the dogs ran into the master bedroom when Abby opened the door. She smiled at them, always comforted by their happy faces.

Kicking off her shoes, Abby walked slowly around the room, looking at it with new eyes. Oh, baby, I know you wouldn't like this, but I've turned our room into a museum! She touched the bronzed baby shoes, Will's first pair, then picked up the photo of him being held by his parents at his baptism. She stroked the silver frame gently, put it down, then surveyed the rest of the room. It had taken her two years, but she'd managed to give nearly all of Will's clothing to a homeless shelter. She'd taken the boxes of mementos they'd saved after his parents' death, though, and put the majority of them on display in their room.

A ragged teddy bear, a particularly adorable picture of Will on a merry-go-round, his grade school graduation picture, and a few other keepsakes from his youth dotted her dresser and the bookcases. These had joined the family pictures already adorning the walls when Will died — pictures from the time they started to date up to a few months before his death — chronicling their two decades together.

I can't leave it this way, honey. I can't. She sank to the bed, reaching out blindly to stroke the dogs, her constant allies in her fight against depression. I know you'd want me to go on, and I can't go on when I'm surrounded by all of these things … She gestured helplessly, looking at the items that cluttered her furniture. I've got to put some of these things away.

She got up and took the old, threadbare stuffed animal and dropped back onto the bed. For a long time she cried … helplessly …just as she'd cried for the first months after Will had died. It felt like another piece of him was dying now, and she was sick with grief. The dogs licked her face and her head, trying to calm her down. But they weren't able to help her today. She was losing another small piece of Will, and this time, she was doing it by her own hand.

***

Clancy and Michael played in the pool like a couple of kids. Clancy'd brought out all of the pool toys: the volleyball, the squirt guns, the Frisbees, and a big ball filled with some kind of material that made it sink like a stone. She'd caught Michael unawares when she tossed that one at him, and the weighted ball hit him smack in the chest. But for payback, he’d made her dive to the bottom to retrieve it.

Clancy was very glad that Abby didn't mind Michael's knowing about their relationship, and she’d kept him up-to-date on everything that happened. He was supportive, as always, but she could tell that he was worried things wouldn't work out for her.

"So tell me again where this daughter is?" he asked, while they were throwing the weighted ball at each other.

"She's in Maine, visiting Abby's parents. She'll be back in two weeks."

"And then what? Is Abby gonna tell her about you?"

"Ahh … I don't know," Clancy admitted. "We haven't talked a lot about the future, Michael. This whole thing is hard for her, and she gets a little freaked out when she thinks about everything that could happen."

He cradled the ball under his arm for a moment, giving the dogs — who had been chasing each throw — a rest. They swam to the steps and put their front paws on the top step, each panting while turning her head to keep an eye on the ball. "Just because she doesn't think about things doesn't stop them from happening," Michael said. "What if her daughter demands that she stop seeing you. Would she?"

Clancy had been patting the water with the flat of her hands, making tiny ripples. She didn't look up to answer the question. "I don't know. I honestly have no idea."

In a voice filled with kindness, Michael said, "Don't you think you'd better find out before you get in too deep? I can tell how crazy you are about this woman, Clance. I'd hate to see you get your heart broken."

"I … I don't think she'd do that to me," Clancy said. "I mean … I know she wouldn't do it unless she absolutely had no other choice."

He nodded, looking like he was going to say something else, but instead he looked at the dogs and said, "Break's over, girls. Time to get back to work." As soon as he launched the ball at Clancy, the dogs dove back in, swimming from one person to the other, always just a second too late.

***

Abby arrived home at around midnight, finding Michael and Clancy sitting on the love seat on the patio, each of them covered by a breathing black and white lap blanket. Michael was dressed, but Clancy was still in her suit. "This looks like a very happy group," Abby said, smiling at the foursome. The dogs sat up when they heard her voice, and both tails began to wag, but neither left her perch. "Is that the best you two can do? No kiss?"

Clancy patted Athena on the butt, and the dog reluctantly jumped to the ground. The architect walked over to Abby and gave her a quick kiss, smiling at her when she pulled away. "I have more than a kiss for you," she said. "Given how you look …" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, making Abby giggle like a schoolgirl. "You look fantastic," she said, her expression serious. "I've never seen you in a dress before; I didn't know what I'd been missing."

Abby wanted to fold herself into Clancy's arms and have the blonde lavish her with compliments, but she minded her manners and greeted her guest. She extended her hand, and she and Michael shook. "It's good to see you again," Abby said. "Did you find everything you needed?"

"Yeah, we had a great time," Michael said, his white teeth contrasting with his dark coloring. "I haven't played in a pool in a long time."

"I love to see people enjoy the pool. You're welcome any time, Michael," Abby said.

"You might regret that invitation," he said, giving her his most charming smile.

Abby spent a moment looking at the younger man, struck by how very attractive he was. His hair was thick and black and perfectly cut, and his dark eyes were kind and playful. He had a boyish look about him, and yet he looked very mature. It was a nice disparity and added to his style. It puzzled Abby that she hadn't previously noticed how attractive he was, but then it dawned on her that she'd only had eyes for Clancy — even at the beginning. She realized it was her turn to talk, and said, "I doubt that. I love to have people over." She put her arm around Clancy and gave her a gentle hug. "One person in particular."

Clancy beamed at her, very happy that Abby was showing affection for her in front of Michael. She'd been afraid that the older woman would be uncomfortable around her friends, and was nearly giddy to see that wasn't the case.

Michael started to get up, trying to dislodge a very reluctant Aphrodite. "Don't leave yet," Abby said. "Stay and have another drink."

"Thanks, but I should get going," he said. "I worked a full day today, and it's catching up with me. I only stayed this late to keep Clance company."

"And I appreciate it," she said, putting her arms around him for a rough hug. She kissed his cheek, and he rubbed the top of her head, their affection for each other very much like that of siblings. "I'll be home some time tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure. Call if you're gonna stay over again. You know I'm in charge of you when your dad's not around."

Clancy laughed, knowing that Michael was only partially kidding. Her father had often told Michael that he was expected to keep an eye on Clancy, something he would have done anyway. "I'll call. I always do," she said.

Another hug for his roommate and a half-handshake/half-hug for Abby, and he left, both dogs whining a little at his loss.

Abby started to turn and happily discovered a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. She faced Clancy and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Miss me?"

"Like air," the younger woman said. "Now, let me get a good look at this dress 'cause I want you to wear it at least once a week." She stepped back and did a slow circle around her partner, nodding her approval as her eyes narrowed in thought. "That's one damn fine dress."

"I'm glad you like it," Abby said, smiling brightly. "It's really quite simple."

"Yeah," Clancy agreed. "It is. But that's what makes it so sexy." She ran her hand down her partner's side, rubbing her fingers together to feel the fabric. "Silk?"

"Yes," Abby said. "And a little something else to give it body. Probably Rayon."

Clancy circled behind her and nibbled on her neck, fully exposed by the scoop neckline. "That's what I like about it. The body." She placed her hands low on Abby's hips, running them languidly across the expanse of black fabric clinging to her shapely ass. "The body's very, very nice." She moved to the side and started to kiss a path from the strap down the bare arm and all the way to Abby's wrist, pushing aside a pair of gold bracelets with her tongue. "Have I mentioned that I like the body?" she asked, playfully looking up into Abby's eyes.

"Come up here and kiss me," the brunette demanded, pulling Clancy by the straps of her swimsuit. "You can only tease a woman so long."

"What's your limit?" the younger woman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll push me past it," Abby predicted, wrapping her arms around Clancy for a hug and a long, lush kiss.

***

By the time they'd made sure the dogs had gone to the bathroom, turned off all the lights, set the alarm, and gotten ready for bed themselves, nearly half an hour had passed. Clancy walked out of the bath to find Abby half-asleep, her body clad in only a T-shirt, lying across the bed.

"Come on, baby," she cooed. "Time to get under the covers."

Abby protested weakly. "No … no … time to make love."

"We can make love tomorrow," Clancy said. "You're too tired to enjoy it tonight. Come on." She was pulling the covers down as she spoke, and Abby found herself effortlessly rolled over, then put back onto the cool sheet.

"I can wake up," she said, her eyes closed.

"I know you can, but you don't need to. We can lie in bed and play with each other all day. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Uhm … nice," Abby agreed. She nestled her body against Clancy's, sighed heavily, and was asleep before her partner could say a word.

"G'night," Clancy murmured to the sleeping woman. "I love you."

***

Clancy woke with a start, her hand reflexively grasping her breast. Her eyes flew open, her head jerked up, and she gasped — her fight or flight response kicking in immediately. But her body relaxed a moment later, and a giddy laugh bubbled up from her chest.

One impish blue eye had rotated in her direction, a half-smile exposing even, white teeth that tugged at the steel ring hidden beneath Clancy’s tank top. “You know,” the blonde muttered sleepily, her hand dropping to lace through Abby’s hair, “an impartial observer might say that it wouldn’t be pleasurable to be awakened by someone tugging on her nipple.” Her lips split into a grin as she decided, “They’d be wrong.”

Abby’s head lifted and she asked, “Is this … okay?”

“Yeah. It’s very okay.” Clancy pressed lightly on the back of her head, and Abby nipped at the ring again. Petting her gently, Clancy said, “You seem fond of it.”

“Umm-hmm,” Abby growled. “I’m very fond of it. It’s … hot.”

“It makes me hot to hear you say that,” Clancy murmured. “Wanna nibble on the real thing?”

“Yeah.” Abby grasped the hem of the shirt and tugged it off when Clancy raised her arms. Her mouth dropped to the shiny, heavy ring, and she poked the tip of her tongue through it.

Clancy growled, the sound rumbling through her chest. Her hips shifted as her legs spread and she wrapped them around Abby’s waist. She let out a satisfied sigh and rocked her hips a few times, her eyes tightly closed. “Nice. So nice.”

Abby sat up and pulled her T-shirt off, then placed her forearms on either side of Clancy’s head and started to rub her breasts lightly over her partner’s, catching her turgid nipple on the ring, time and again. The most adorable sounds were coming from Abby’s open lips — tiny grunts, soft sighs, and sexy growls as she worked over her.

Clancy’s legs dropped to the bed, then her hands drifted down to cup Abby's ass. Her hands moved all over the smoothly muscled surface, making Abby purr with pleasure. She could feel her partner’s thighs compressing rhythmically, seeking satisfaction, so she guided her to straddle her leg to provide a little relief.

Abby’s head tilted up, and the surprised look on her face quickly turned to one of intense satisfaction as she felt the strong thigh pressed firmly against her. Without thought, she began to pump her hips, her eyes closing tightly as she did. Clancy’s hands went to Abby’s breasts and began to squeeze and compress the flesh, keeping time with her rough movements.

Testing, seeking ways to increase the sensation, Abby placed her hands on Clancy’s shoulders and locked her arms, gliding back and forth on the younger woman’s slippery leg as her mouth dropped open, grunting out her pleasure.

Clancy strained to nip at the tempting breasts that bounced just above her face, but Abby’s iron grip didn’t allow for any upward movement. That didn’t stop her hands from grasping them, though, and she pinched and tugged on Abby’s nipples, taking the older woman just to the edge of pain.

Abby was close, her eyes glazing over as she felt the sensation building deep in her belly. The feeling was so intense that it felt like a strong cramp that began to radiate out from her abdomen, eventually growing to a warm, satisfying pulsing that eased the cramp and suffused her entire body with wave after wave of pleasure.

She wasn’t aware of making a sound, but as the muscles in her arms started to shake and finally give way, she tried to speak but realized that her throat was slightly raw. “Was I shouting?” she asked dully, her mouth pressed against the pillow.

“Oh, yeah,” Clancy growled, the sounds having sent her arousal spiraling out of control. “If we had close neighbors, they’d be banging on the walls.” She murmured into the soft hair that tickled her chin, “It was incredibly sexy.”

Abby rolled off Clancy’s wet body and draped an arm over her eyes. “That was a completely unique experience.”

Clancy rolled over and braced her head on her hand, intensely interested in Abby’s impressions of their lovemaking. “What was?”

“I’ve never … done anything like that,” she said.

“S’nice, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It felt instinctive,” she mused. “I wonder why I never had that instinct when I was … well, before.”

Clancy tugged Abby’s arm away from her face and stroked her cheek gently. “It’s okay to talk about Will … to talk about your life … your experiences. It’s part of you that I want to get to know.”

“I don’t want to … I don’t know … upset you, Clancy.”

“Learning about you can only help us to grow closer,” she said softly. “I wanna be closer — much closer.”

Abby nodded and took a quick breath, forcing herself to tell the story without losing her nerve. “I was just thinking about what it would have been like to try that with Will. His legs were so hairy, I would have had friction burns. I was thinking that I was glad the desire didn’t strike me until I was astride a nice, smooth thigh.”

“Really, really personal question?” Clancy asked tentatively.

“Sure. We’ve been pretty personal recently. A question shouldn’t throw me over the edge.”

“I, uhm … assume I’m the first person you’ve been with … since Will?”

Abby nodded. “You are.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I thought this would be harder for you,” she said, searching Abby’s eyes.

Blinking in surprise, Abby asked, “How much harder could this be? I don’t know if I’m coming or going! We’ve been walking a tightrope for weeks!”

Clancy nodded energetically, her hands gesturing. “No, no, I’m talking about sex. If I found myself in bed with a man I'd be stunned, then I'd try to figure out what the hell was going on! But you don't seem like you're doing that, Abby. You're acting like you've been doing this all your life, and it stuns me!"

Abby propped herself up just enough to place a warm kiss on Clancy’s lips. “I haven’t done that today,” she said, a girlish grin lifting a corner of her mouth. Clancy returned the favor, pressing her lips gently upon Abby’s. When she pulled back, Abby gathered her thoughts and said, “I’m not explaining myself well. I’m not upset about having sex; I’m not upset about having sex with a woman. I’m only upset because it’s hard for me to be sexual again – with anyone. It’s been five years, Clancy, and Will was the only person I’d ever been this intimate with.”

“I assume this is hard for you, babe, but you don't show it.”

“I do,” the older woman murmured, "but I don't talk about it much. That's not how I am, Clancy. I work things out on my own most of the time. I sit down and write during the day. I cry a lot," she said. "But I cry when I'm alone. That's how I am." She reached out and ran her thumb along Clancy’s bottom lip, moaning softly when the landscaper pulled it into her mouth and sucked gently. “I can’t stop touching you.” She lay atop Clancy and began to kiss her, probing her warm mouth with her tongue. “This feels so right.”

Clancy blew out a breath, her need for the older woman growing stronger with each kiss. “It does feel right. We can make it work, Abby. We’ll take it slow so you can get comfortable with the idea of being intimate again. We’ll do this right so that you feel nice and safe.”

“We're doing fine," Abby said. "We don't need to change a thing. I just need time to think … and feel."

"Take as much time as you need," Clancy said. "I won't rush you. When you're ready, we'll take the next step."

"I want this to work,” Abby said. “You have no idea how much.”

They lay together for a long while, touching each other gently, soothingly. Clancy’s thrumming body calmed down after a bit, and she was very pleased when Abby started to talk.

“Can I tell you a few things?"

"Sure. Anything."

"I told you I worked with a grief counselor." Clancy nodded. "Well, I had a lot of things to get through before I could start dating. It was hard to imagine that I'd ever want to be sexual with another man. I felt so horribly guilty – even though I knew I shouldn't.” She gave Clancy a thin smile and said, “One thing helped a lot.”

“What’s that?” Clancy was paying rapt attention, but her eyes were fixed on the goose-bumps that her light touch was creating on Abby’s skin.

“Will and I had a little joke that we’d been making since we were newlyweds,” she said softly, her eyes fixed on a point near Clancy’s collarbone. “Every time the topic came up, he'd make me promise that I’d start dating soon after he died.”

Clancy’s hand stilled, and she looked at her questioningly. “Really? Why …?”

“Will was ten years older than I was,” Abby said. Clancy blinked at this information, and her lover gave her a knowing smile. "I was just like you. Always attracted to older men."

"Technically, that's not just like me," Clancy playfully reminded her.

“Right. Pronouns are important." The brunette kissed her partner and continued, "Will didn’t come from a very long-lived family. I think I told you that both of his parents died before our kids had time to get to know them well. He was certain he’d die before me, and he gave me a consistent message during our entire marriage. He used to say that nothing would make him happier than to look down from heaven and see that I was taking a date to his funeral.”

“Macabre, but sweet,” Clancy said.

“It was a little macabre, but it was important to him,” Abby stressed. “He used to tell me that I was so full of love that he couldn’t bear the thought of my pining away for him. He wanted me to share my love again.”

Clancy cleared her throat and looked at Abby tentatively. “How do you think he would have felt about your being with a woman?”

Abby laughed gently and said, “He would have been tremendously upset — that he wasn’t able to join in. It was one of his little fantasies.”

“You didn’t ever …?”

“Lord, no! We had a very fulfilling, very traditional sex life. Our love for each other was plenty to keep the excitement going.”

“I like traditional sex, too,” Clancy grinned. Just talking about sex was making her throb, and she took Abby’s hand and placed it on her breast. “As a matter of fact, I’d love some right now.”

“Well, lesbian sex is a little untraditional for me, but I’ve always been a good student.” Abby leaned over and kissed Clancy hungrily, revealing the depths of her desire. “And I think you’re going to be my favorite teacher.”

***

After a long, lazy day of lying in the pool, napping, kissing and kissing some more, Clancy looked at her watch and let out a regret-filled sigh. "I've gotta get to sleep. I'm gonna need all my wits tomorrow when my dad and his crew show up."

"Are you going home?" Abby asked, looking puzzled.

"I don't want to, but I can't leave my truck out front."

"No, you can't do that." Abby put her hand on Clancy's arm and stroked it gently. "I don't want you to go, but … I am worried about having someone see you. I'm sure my neighbors are already wondering why my landscape architect is here on Sunday night."

Clancy had hoped Abby would beg her to stay, but she understood her worry. Still, she was a little hurt. "We'll figure this out someday … right?"

"Oh! Of course we will! It's going to take a little time, but if I handle this right, everything will work out. Don't worry about it. Really." She lovingly stroked Clancy's cheek, gazing deeply into her eyes. "It'll work out."

"Okay," the architect said. She put on a smile and kissed Abby tenderly, turning up the heat just enough to let the older woman know what she was missing. "See you tomorrow."

Abby held onto her as long as she could, finally relinquishing the last bit of Clancy's shirttail.

***

Clancy slept surprisingly well, having been reassured by Abby’s confident declaration that they would eventually work things out. But Abby put off going to bed as long as she could. She was so tired that she eventually gave in – but the bed seemed so brutally large and empty that she couldn't even close her eyes. She lay there thinking of how wonderful it had felt to sleep in Clancy's arms – how she hadn't slept that well since the day Will had died – how merely getting horizontal with the younger woman had made her feel both incredibly relaxed and stimulated at the same time.

She rolled over onto the other side of the bed and tried to find a hint of Clancy's scent on the pillow or the sheets, but nothing remained. Knowing she would never be able to relax, she went downstairs and lay on the sofa, eventually having to turn the television on to have enough background noise to ultimately drift off.

***

When Abby woke, the dogs were sitting on the floor, staring at her with what looked like outraged expressions. "What?" she mumbled, brushing the hair from her eyes. "What's wrong?" She looked at her watch, and saw that it was already 7:00. "Oh, shit! The crew's gonna be here, and I haven't let you two out yet!"

They stared at her, tails wagging, clearly saying, "That's what we just told you."

She was still wearing her sleepwear and knew she couldn't appear in the backyard like that. So she opened up the front door, letting the dogs have a little treat. The front yard was planted with so many delicate flowers that she usually didn't let the dogs use it for their bathroom, but she didn't have many options.

While the pair galloped around the large space, Abby went into the kitchen and turned on her coffee maker. She was out of sorts and headachy, partially from lack of sleep and partially from the poor quality of sleep she'd gotten on the sofa.

She heard some loud noises coming from the back yard, so she pulled up the curtain over the kitchen window and watched a different group of men scaling her hill. John O'Connor was standing on the lawn, chatting with Clancy, and just seeing the architect made Abby's spirits improve.

By the time her coffee was ready, the dogs had finished their jaunt and were ready for breakfast. They'd tracked their muddy paws through the entryway, but she knew that was entirely her fault, so she didn't complain to the culprits.

After all three had breakfast, Abby cleaned the entryway floor and went upstairs to take a shower. The dogs were puzzled once again, not having gotten their morning exercise. But their ability to complain was fairly limited, so they went back into the den and climbed onto the sofa to sleep.

By the time the brunette came back downstairs, she was feeling a little more like herself, but she was still unsettled. Spending two nights with Clancy, and then having her gone, was more than a little disturbing, and Abby was determined to figure a way out of their dilemma.

At 8:00 she went outside to see how things were going. The crew was poised to start digging the course for the waterfall, and Clancy was standing on the top of the hill, bending over to peer into what looked like a surveyor’s scope. "Good morning, John," Abby said.

"Hi, there," he replied, giving her a big grin. "My girl's doing the picky work right now."

"What is she doing?"

"Oh, she's using a laser level to check elevations. She wants to make sure the water flows down the hill properly. You know – so it follows the curve of the hill and doesn't spill out."

"She looks like she knows what she's doing," Abby said. Clancy was signaling one of the men to move a little to his right and hammer in a stake with a bit of red plastic tied to the top.

"Oh, she knows what she's doing," John agreed, looking proud of his daughter. "She's a wiz at the math involved." He laughed softly. "Never was my strong point."

"How about a cup of coffee?" Abby asked.

"Thanks. That'd be great," he said. He let out a shrill whistle, and Clancy looked up. She waved at Abby, then gave her father her attention. "Going inside for a cup of coffee. Don't screw up!"

"Thanks," she said, giving him a wry grin. "Always appreciate a vote of confidence."

The dogs were happy to see John, giving him the joyous welcome they reserved for people they'd met at least once. He laughed at their antics, saying, "We never let Clancy have a dog, but a pair like this wouldn't have been so bad."

"Oh, I love them," she agreed. "They've been lifesavers for me the past few years. It's nice to have a pair of puppies who are always home when you need them, who never ask for much, and are always overjoyed when they see you."

"You sure don't get that from humans," he agreed, laughing at his own joke.

He stood at the window above the sink, watching his daughter work. "She's done a good job so far, Abby, and I'm not just saying that 'cause she's my kid. She's the best I've worked with, and I've worked with some jackasses who charge three times what she does."

"I've been very impressed," Abby said, "and I'm not just saying that because she's my —" She stopped abruptly, not knowing what term to use, and not wanting to be too graphic.

He looked her right in the eye. "What is she to you?" he asked, obviously comfortable with the direct approach.

"What is she, or what would I like her to be?" she replied, surprising herself with the question.

"Either," he said. "Well, both, but you can start with either one."

She smiled at him and said, "Right now we're … dating, I guess. We have a lot of things to work out – mostly my things. But I'd give anything to have her for my spouse."

She’d said the last words so wistfully that he felt bad for her. It was clear that Abby wasn't sure what she'd be capable of, but it was just as clear that she wasn't toying with Clancy's heart. "Sorry I asked," he said. "I can be pretty snoopy. But I hope you two can work things out. You're exactly the kind of woman she's always wanted, Abby. Exactly."

Abby beamed at him and put her hand on his arm. "I had no idea that I wanted a woman like Clancy," she admitted, "but I want her more than I can express."

John looked at the woman for a moment, seeing every quality that had attracted his daughter – Abby's obvious beauty, her gentle nature, quick mind, the way she immediately put a person at ease, and her sweet sincerity. "You two'll be fine," he said reassuringly. "I'd bet on it."

***

After he'd made sure the job was well in hand, John left for a few hours to bid on another job. Today's project was sheer manual labor, and he'd given much of that up years before. Even though her crew had moved on to another job while the plumbing was being installed, Clancy still needed to be on site, since the digging was all according to her specifications. Though she needed to be around, she wasn't terribly busy, and after a while, she started thinking about picking up a shovel and lending a hand. But she knew that wouldn’t be right, so she walked around the yard, taking a good long look at the trees.

Abby must have sensed her edginess, because she walked into the yard a few moments later. "Clancy," she called, "can I see you?"

The blonde walked over to her and smiled. "Anytime," she drawled.

"I didn't really want anything, but I saw you looking at the trees. Is anything wrong with them?"

"No. They look fine. But I think you should thin out that California sycamore before the rains come. You don't want the crown to bear too much weight when it's on an incline like this. She's a beauty, and the last thing you want is to lose her."

"I've never heard anyone refer to trees in the feminine gender," Abby said. "It's cute."

Clancy swept her hat off with one hand and scratched her head with the other. "I didn't realize I did that, but they do seem feminine to me. I'm not sure why."

Abby looked at the tree in question and nodded her head. "I suppose you're right about her. I usually call Arbor Culture."

Making a face, Clancy said, "The San Gabriel Valley chainsaw killers!"

"They're bad?"

"Well, they're not the worst, but I've seen some of their crews go in and do nothing but top a tree. I'd like to personally wring the necks of everyone who's ever done that."

"But they say that they prune selectively," Abby insisted.

"That's what they say, and if you watch them, and insist that an arborist be here, they'll probably do that. But if they can get away with it, they go up top and give 'em a crew cut. It's disgusting," she said, making such a face that Abby had to laugh.

"Well, I don't want to disgust you," she said.

"Don't worry about it," Clancy said. "I'll take care of it for you."

Abby wanted to dip her head and kiss the younger woman, but she knew she couldn't. Instead she said, "You know you can come in if you want to."

"No, I'd better not. I'll let you know when I need you."

"Okay," the older woman said and went inside to catch up on some e-mail. She was working at her laptop, which she had set up on the kitchen table, when she heard a faint click. The dogs jumped up and ran to the sliding glass door, ears and tails up. Abby glanced outside, but didn't see anything, so she went back to work. After a minute, she heard another click, this one a little louder. As soon as she got up, the dogs started to bark, sure the house was under attack. She opened the door and heard, “Hey, give me a hand here, will ya?”

Abby stepped out onto the patio and saw that a massive number of small branches lay on the ground around the sycamore she and Clancy had just discussed, and as her eyes scanned up the tree, they landed on one familiar looking tree surgeon — perched upon a sturdy branch that loomed a good twenty feet above the ground.

Before she could censor herself, she shouted, “Clancy! Get down from there this instant!” Without waiting for a reply, she took off, running across the lawn to stare up at her lover.

As Abby stood next to the tree, peering up into the sun, a calm voice said, “I know you didn't mean to use that tone of voice with me.”

The brunette had been too horror-struck to even think of moving, but Clancy’s words allowed her to come to her senses. She looked up at the landscaper, panicked at her distance. “Clancy, you could kill yourself up there. Please, get down!”

“Abby,” she said, her voice still calm and unemotional, “this is what I do for a living. I’ve trimmed hundreds of trees, and I know what I’m doing. Besides, I wouldn’t kill myself if I fell. A broken leg or two at worst.”

“That’s not making me feel better,” she said, her voice still shaky.

“I’m almost done. Don’t make me climb down — I’ll just have to climb right back up. I need you to help me. Will you?”

“All right,” she said, trying to tamp down her fear. “What do you need?”

“I want you to walk around the yard and tell me if there are any branches that look out of place. You know, if something is sticking out at a funny angle or something. This tree should be open and structural looking, not too perfect and not too round. Take a good look and shout it out if you see something.”

Abby looked up at her and made eye contact. “Do you promise me that you know what you’re doing?”

“Yes, I do. Now scoot.”

Following instructions, Abby went to a number of spots on the lawn, even climbing the hill in a couple of places to get the best view. “There’s a spot to your … left,” she called out. “It’s sticking up higher than the neighboring branches.”

“Hold on,” Clancy yelled back. She moved a few feet to her left with Abby’s stomach doing flips with every step. Grabbing a branch, Clancy pulled hard a few times, making it sway dramatically. “This one?”

“No. A little more to your left.” Clancy finally found the correct branch and took her saw from the hook on her belt. Lopping the branch off, she asked again, “Any others?”

“No,” Abby called. “It looks good — very good.”

“Great. Now, come back here.”

Still terrified, Abby dashed back across the yard. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Clancy said. “Nothing at all. I want to give you a demonstration.”

“Of what?” Abby asked, her heart racing.

“I want to show you that I can protect myself. I’m strong and agile, and I have very good balance. And on top of that — I don’t think I’m invincible, so I’m very careful. Now watch.” She grabbed onto a heavy branch just above her head and pulled herself up — doing a few chin-ups to show her partner that she had the strength to break a fall if need be.

“Oh, my God! Clancy, please, please, come down!”

Shaking her head, Clancy started to descend, her sure-footed movements nearly causing Abby’s heart to stop. In moments, she was on the wide, bottom branch, and she took off her saw and tossed it quite a distance from the tree. Then she jumped, bending her knees to absorb the impact as she landed.

Abby grabbed her and held onto her with a rabid ferocity. “You scared me half to death,” she whispered.

“Hey, hey,” Clancy soothed as she felt Abby’s body shake, then shot a glance at her father's crew, knowing they'd all been staring. “What’s up with this? You know I do this kind of thing.”

“No, I didn’t,” she insisted, her eyes wide. “I had no idea you climbed trees.”

“Well, I do. It’s one of my favorite parts of my job as a matter of fact. I love trees, and I love being able to take proper care of them. I got certified as an arborist last year.”

“But it’s so dangerous!”

“It has the potential to be dangerous,” Clancy said, “but it’s like anything else. If you’re careful and prudent and take precautions, you should be fine.”

“Going up in my tree without me out here watching you wasn’t prudent,” Abby insisted. “That was foolish.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Clancy said. “That sycamore isn't very big, and I wasn’t using a chain saw. Climbing a little tree like that to take a few cuts is nothing, Abby. Really.”

“You use a chain saw?”

“Not very often,” Clancy assured her. “I don’t often do tree removal ‘cause my time is worth too much for that. I usually just make a few critical cuts to keep a well-cared for tree in good shape. Just like yours.”

“I don’t know how I’ll stop worrying about you,” Abby said, a painfully vulnerable look on her face.

“Hey … I never go up without someone close by. The guys on my dad's crew were right here if I needed 'em. I’ve been climbing trees since I was three, Abby, and over the years, I’ve learned how to fall. I promise you that I take all of the proper safety precautions.” She put her hand on Abby's back and guided her into the house. Once they were away from the others, Clancy wrapped her arms around her lover and held her for a long time. Abby could smell the strong scent of freshly sawn wood on her body, but it only reminded her of how frightened she'd been. Clancy continued, “I’ve got a lot to live for, and I’m not about to have my life cut short just to trim someone’s tree. Please, try not to worry.”

Now that she was holding Clancy, Abby’s heart started to slow its wild beat. “You always have your phone, don’t you?”

“Uh-huh. Always.”

“Will you promise that you’ll call me before you climb any big trees, and then call me when you’re finished?”

She made a face, looking dismayed. “Oh, Abby, is that really necessary? It'll just worry you.”

“Please, Clancy? Just until I get used to this.” She hugged her even tighter and said, “I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

“Okay. I’ll let you know whenever I’m going to climb. I don’t want you to worry about this though, okay? I promise I won’t climb without telling you — but you have to promise not to worry.”

“I’ll do my best,” Abby vowed, doubting her ability to comply completely, but willing to try.

***

When the crew was done for the day, Clancy and John went into the house and gave Abby an update. Then John looked at his daughter and said, "I'm going home, champ. How about you?"

"I think I'll hang around," she said, walking over to Abby and sliding an arm around her waist. "I think the homeowner needs a little more of my time."

John smiled at the pair and walked out, mumbling, "Twenty-five years in the business, and I'm still waiting for a kiss."

"He's so cute," Abby said, laughing. "Just like you."

"He wishes," Clancy said. "So … what does my homeowner want? Separate bedrooms again?"

"No!" Abby looked shocked at the suggestion. "I hardly slept at all!" Waiting a beat, she asked, "Did you sleep well?"

Clancy, thinking quickly, answered, "Not as well as I do when I'm with you."

"Then we're gonna have to take a few risks. Do you mind parking your truck a couple of blocks away?"

"No, I don't. I'll move it around so no one sees me more than once."

Abby sighed heavily. "I hate to make this seem so cloak and dagger, but I can't think of a better idea. Can you?"

"It's no big deal," Clancy said. "All that matters is that we're together."

***

Late that night, Clancy was snoozing lightly, her head pillowed on Abby’s thigh. A long-fingered hand was sliding through her hair, relaxing her so thoroughly that she wasn’t sure if she was awake or asleep. Abby’s free thigh was raised, and a biography of John Adams rested on it, the book pressing against her stomach so she could read one-handed. The pages turning quietly every few minutes, her calming massage never varying. One of the dogs hopped onto the bed, rousing Clancy, and she lifted her head to stare into sad-looking blue eyes gazing at her wistfully. Voice thick with sleep, Clancy rolled onto her back asking, “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” Abby said. She trailed her fingers through the soft blonde hair and said, “I wish I had a way to keep you, and every other person I love, safe from harm.”

“Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?” Clancy asked.

“It does. I can usually relax and enjoy it — but then something happens to remind me of how fleeting it all is, and how easily it can disappear.” She kissed her fingers and pressed them to Clancy’s full lips. “I’ll be fine. I just need to remind myself that you know what you’re doing, and that there are millions of ways for you to get hurt. Focusing on one of them isn’t productive.”

“Abby,” she soothed. “I can’t promise that I’ll live to be a hundred, but I’m sure gonna try. I know how hard Will’s death was for you, and I promise that I’ll never knowingly put myself at risk. I promise you that,” she repeated. She sat up and leaned over to turn off the bedside lamp. Lying on her back she patted her thighs, urging Abby to rest her head on them. “Come on. Time for a nice head rub.” Abby scooted down on the bed and rested on Clancy, purring with delight when the strong, sure fingers began to slip through her hair. “We’re both whole and healthy and perfectly safe,” she whispered. “We can’t know what tomorrow will bring. All we can do is live every moment of today. We have today, and that's all we need.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

They were able to pull off the hidden truck trick for two days, but on Wednesday, Abby held Clancy prisoner in bed. The architect certainly didn't fight too hard to get free, but their playing made her late, and she consequently ran the risk of having someone in the neighborhood see her hiking down the street. She finally extricated herself and ran for the shower, Abby scampering in right behind her.

By the time Clancy saw her truck in the distance, it was almost eight o'clock. She heard a car behind her slow, then a voice called out, "Car trouble, jefa?"

Mentally slapping her forehead, Clancy turned to see Ramon's smirking visage. "No, I'm fine, Ramon. You'd better get going. Mrs. Markowitz doesn't like it when we're late."

"Just checking," he said. "This is a very dangerous neighborhood."

Clancy gave him a semi-perturbed look, waiting for him to get to the punch line. "I heard there's a woman who's been sneaking into homes and kissing young girls," he said, laughing at his joke.

"I'm not a young …" she started to say, then realized he thought she was dating Hayley. Stunned, she merely stood there, looking bewildered.

"No, you're not so young," he said, laughing. "You're old enough to go to jail!"

"You truly don't know what you're talking about, Ramon. But I can tell you that I have no interest in younger women. I'm here on business."

"Oh, sí," he said. "Funny business."

When she arrived back at Abby's, she went in to tell her that Ramon was wise to them — with a twist. For some reason, this bothered Abby even more. "I don't want your men to think you'd date a young girl — especially since you'd probably be doing it behind my back! I hate that!"

"It's okay. I don't care what the guys think."

"Yes, I do," she said, sulking. She sat down at the kitchen table and cradled her head in her hands. "I'm sorry I was so childish this morning. You would never have run into him if I hadn't been acting like a fool."

Clancy crouched down in front of her and gazed into her eyes. "Don't ever apologize for that. Having fun and being playful is part of what I love about being with you. I don't ever want you to change."

Abby let out a breath. "I hate to say it, but we're gonna have to sleep apart. This is making me too nervous. If Ramon saw you, I'm sure some of my neighbors have, too."

Clancy's shoulders slumped. "Could we squeeze both cars into the garage?"

"No, the house was built long before people had two cars. I suppose you could use the garage, but you couldn't take your truck out during the day …"

"No, that won't work. I have to be able to go check on my crew. We're taking down a big tree just a few blocks from here. I have to go over and see how it's going during my lunch break."

"You could use my car," Abby said.

Clancy made a face. "I don't think you'd want me to load all of my tools into your tiny trunk. Plus, my crew would wonder when I’d won the lottery."

Abby sighed in resignation. "I guess it won't work."

"No, I don't think so," Clancy said. "But we can still spend our evenings together, can't we?"

Abby smiled at her, delighted by the hopeful tone in Clancy's voice. "Of course we can."

***

The day was a particularly long one. The work went smoothly, and Clancy didn't have to involve herself much at all. But standing around watching her father's crew solder copper pipe together wasn't very stimulating. Her dad was at another site, so she needed to be present to answer questions or deal with problems. She could have gone into the house, but she knew that wasn't a great idea. The guys on the crew tended to take things into their own hands if someone in authority wasn't there, and she didn't want anything – even the smallest problem – to come up on this job. The only stimulating part of her day was the mad dash she made to the Markowitz house to check on the tree removal.

By four o'clock, she was nearly mad with longing to see Abby, but her lover wasn't home. Clancy wasn't sure where she'd gone, but she'd seen her leave right before their lunch break – making the afternoon drag even more.

She knew she should get into her truck and go home, but she didn't want to leave without having dinner together, or at least kissing Abby goodbye. So she dawdled while her father's crew packed up, then went back in through the gate the second they left. Knowing that the dogs were missing their yard, she put them on their leashes and let them drag her up the hill to see what was happening to their playground. The girls spent a long time sniffing around, getting their noses unbelievably muddy. When they came back down, the pups wanted to go for a swim, and Clancy dutifully rinsed them off first, leaving a glop of mud on the lawn. When she unhooked their leashes, they both dove into the pool, looking like a couple of especially furry members of the swim team.

All three of them heard Abby drive up. The dogs stopped their play and treaded water for a second, then put their ears back and scampered out of the pool, heading for the side gate just to make sure. They were sitting by the back door, dripping wet, when Abby entered the kitchen. "I have on nice slacks, girls. Let me put on my suit before I come outside." She waited a beat, then asked, "Does anyone else out there want a suit?"

"Sure," Clancy said. "I'm always up for a swim."

Abby emerged a few minutes later, surprisingly successful in her attempts to get the dogs to stay on the ground. "Paws," she said sternly. They whined a little, and wagged their tails in frustration, but they managed to keep all four on the floor. To reward them, Abby threw one of their floating toys, and they both flew for it, creating a great splash when they did. "How about you?" Abby asked her lover. She stood close to Clancy and kissed her delicately. "How can I make you jump for joy?"

Clancy moved a little closer, then kissed Abby's neck, staying in the neighborhood while she slowly slid one of the straps of her suit down. She moved to the other side of her neck, kissing it lightly, lowering that strap, too. She started to kiss a line from Abby's throat down between her breasts, pulling the suit down inch by inch, revealing more skin.

By this time, Abby's fingers were working at the buttons on Clancy's shirt. Their lips met while they undressed each other, Clancy waiting a few beats for Abby to catch up. Once they were both naked, the blonde took Abby's hand and pulled her along while she ran for the deep end. They both jumped into the pool, making huge splashes and compelling the dogs to race to them to make sure they were safe.

Each dog swam from Abby to Clancy and back again, forming a tiny circle of lifeguards. "Why do they do that?" Clancy laughed when Athena put her muzzle right next to her mouth.

"I'm not certain," Abby said. "But someone who knows Newfoundlands  told me  that water dogs can smell certain chemicals on your breath that indicate if you're exhausted or afraid. So don't look too tired 'cause I'm not sure what they'd do next!"

"Yeah, without a swimsuit, I don't think I'd want them to drag me to safety," Clancy said. "They might grab this handy ring." She put a finger through her nipple ring and made a face.

"That's mine," Abby said. She swam over to her and dunked her head under the water to playfully latch onto the ring, making Clancy giggle.

Clancy put her arms and legs around her lover, then rested her head against her neck. "I like it here," she said, smiling when she saw how furiously Abby had to tread water to keep them both afloat. "Let's stay in the pool all night long."

***

They stayed in until they were both wrinkled, but hunger finally compelled them to emerge from their aquatic playground. They had a simple dinner of French bread, some aged and fresh cheeses that Abby had picked up at the market, a bunch of sweet grapes and a little galia melon – so sweet it was intoxicating. They each had a glass of wine, and when they'd finished, their hunger for food was sated, but they were both craving another form of satisfaction.

Abby was sitting on Clancy's lap, sweet suckling sounds coming from their passion-filled kisses. It was getting dark, and Clancy knew she had to leave then – or not at all. She put her hand on the back of Abby's head and patted it gently, making the brunette lift it and gaze at her with smoky eyes. "Make love to me," Abby said, her voice thick and slow. "Right here. Right now."

"Oooh, baby, I want to, but we decided I should go home. Your neighbors …" she trailed off helplessly.

"I don't care," Abby said. She grabbed the blonde and held her so tight it hurt. "I can't let you go. I can't."

"I … I feel like I have to say no," Clancy said. "I'm worried you'll be upset tomorrow morning when my truck's here."

Abby closed her eyes and let her head drop to Clancy's shoulder. She didn't say anything for a minute, and Clancy was worried that she was angry. But she eventually asked, "Where are your keys?"

"In my shorts. Why?"

"Don't move," she ordered. "I'll be back in a few minutes." She got up and grabbed Clancy's shorts, rooted through the pockets and found the keys, dangling them for a moment to show she'd retrieved them. Clancy saw her go into the house, but couldn't tell what else was happening.

Abby grabbed a pair of shorts and a shirt, buttoning it while the garage door lifted. She pushed the button located just inside the garage and started to walk towards the opening gate. She was almost at the truck when her neighbor called out, "Hey, Abby!"

"Shit!" she muttered. "Hi, Steve." She kept walking, crossing to stand on the edge of his driveway. "How are things?"

"Good. Nothing to complain of. The bigger question is, how are things with you? We're all waiting to get back there and see what's going on in your yard."

Oh, wouldn't that be fun! "I'll invite the whole block over when we're finished."

He gave her a puzzled look and asked, "Have your plans changed? I see your architect over there all of the time."

Before Abby could reply, they both spotted a figure laboring up the road. "Oh, boy," Steve said, "here comes Marjorie. Can you fake a sudden illness?"

"I'm gonna turn tail and run," Abby said, but she hadn't gotten two steps away when the shrill tone of her downhill neighbor called out, "Oh, Abby! You're just the woman I've been looking for."

Making a face that only Steve could see, she said, "Hi, Marjorie. What's up?"

"What's up with you?" she asked. "We're all dying to know what's going on over there." She looked longingly at the open garage door. "Why don't you give us a peek?"

"No, no, now isn't a good time," Abby said, wracking her brain to think of a reason why it wasn't. "I just came out to get something for my architect. She's on the clock you know. I'm always looking to save a few dollars."

Still looking at the door, Marjorie said, "Oh, you couldn't care too much about cost. Your architect's truck is in front of your house every day. We used an architect to put up our gazebo, and I don't think we saw him twice! Are you changing your plans every other day?"

"No, not really. She's just very hands-on," Abby said, glad for the darkness so her neighbors couldn't see her blush.

"You must be spending a fortune!" Marjorie said. She lowered her voice a little and said, "If you don't mind my asking … how much is this all costing you?"

Mentally hitting Marjorie on the head with a shovel, Abby gave her a tight smile and said, "I don't have the final figure yet, but I'm sure we'll come in within budget."

"I still think you made a mistake to hire that woman," Marjorie said. "She doesn't look old enough to be out of college, much less have any experience. She's probably using your project as on-the-job-training."

"No, she's not," Abby said, her tone growing chilly. "I'm very happy with her. And she's not always working when she's here. She's a lot of fun to be around. We've become friends."

"Oh, Abby, this is the first thing you've done on your own. Don't mix business with pleasure. It's just not smart to fraternize with contractors."

Abby put her hand on the older woman's arm and fixed her with an insincere smile. "I'm pretty good at picking my friends, Marjorie. Don't spend another minute worrying about me." She turned and started to walk back to her own home, adding a wave delivered over her shoulder. "Night, all."

As soon as she crossed the threshold, she closed the gate and lowered the door, mumbling to herself as she took her clothes off and tossed them onto the laundry room floor.

Clancy had been waiting anxiously and was surprised to see Abby return, completely naked. She looked massively disappointed, and Clancy asked, "What's going on?"

"You're going home," she said, flopping down onto a chair. "My neighbors ganged up on me. I was gonna move your truck, but I couldn't! Steve from across the street called me over and asked what was going on that my landscaper was at my house so late."

Clancy put her hand over her eyes. "What did you say?"

"What could I say? He must think we're recreating the Los Angeles aqueduct system back here!"

"Ooh, that sounds uncomfortable."

"It got worse. The neighborhood gossip saw us talking and made a beeline for us. She tried to weasel her way into the garage to take a peek."

"Shit! She would have gotten an eyeful!"

"Yeah, she sure would have. And the entire neighborhood would know about us by tomorrow afternoon."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Positive. She started a Neighborhood Watch Program just so she could have an excuse to know everyone's business. She broke up a functioning marriage when she told a man down the street that the electrician came by his house every Friday morning."

"God damn! That's hard to believe!"

"Honey, she's the reason I'm so paranoid! She's probably talked to Hayley's friend’s mother once or twice already."

Clancy's eyes closed, and she sat down heavily. "Damn!" She put her head in her hands for a moment, then looked up at Abby. "But I'm kinda glad to know you had a good reason for being so paranoid."

Abby sat on her lap and touched her chin, moving her head so their eyes met. "I told you why I was being so careful. I distinctly recall telling you that one of Hayley's best friends lives just up the street."

Clancy nodded. "Yeah, I know, but I didn't think a kid would pay much attention one way or the other. I just thought that …" She trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"You thought what, honey? Tell me."

"I thought you were embarrassed," Clancy admitted. "Embarrassed to have people know we were friends."

Abby wrapped her arms around her lover and kissed her on the head. "You know a lot about me, but there are some things you're just not getting." Clancy looked up and felt herself being pulled into Abby's eyes, dark and serious in the dim light. "I will never … ever … be embarrassed of you. I only care about Hayley or Trevor finding out before I can tell them. That's my only concern." She held Clancy's chin again and repeated, "My only concern."

Clancy put her head on Abby's shoulder, able to feel her pulse beating in her throat. "I feel stupid."

"You have no reason to feel stupid. We're just getting to know each other. I'm sure there are thousands of things I don't know about you."

Gazing at her, Clancy asked, "You know how much I want to be with you, don't you?"

Abby smiled at her. "I do. And I haven't lost my need for you. Can we go to your house?"

Brightening, Clancy said, "Sure! But it's really hot, and it's supposed to stay hot all night. I don't have air conditioning."

Abby gave her a surprised look. "You don't?"

"Huh-uh. I've got a little fan, but that's it."

Making a face, the older woman said, "I can live with the heat. But I don't like to leave the dogs here alone. They get anxious when no one's home all night."

Laughing, Clancy said, "I don't think I wanna know how you found that out."

"Let me just say that I used to have a pair of leather moccasins that I loved."

"Okay," Clancy said, addressing the girls. "We're going to rough it, puppies. I'll show you how doggies in the working-class neighborhoods live."

***

Michael wasn't home, so all four of them went into Clancy's room as soon as they got to the apartment. Clancy brought a bowl of water with her and closed the door. The dogs looked confused, but they jumped up on the couch when Clancy sat down. "Do you have a bed?" Abby asked, looking around discreetly.

"Yeah. This is a futon," Clancy said. "It's not as nice as your bed, but I'm used to it." The room was hot – very hot – and she got up and turned on the pint-sized fan, then opened the window to let in some hot, dry air. "I'll open the bed, so we can take off our clothes and hope to cool down." She shooed the dogs, then lowered the back of the couch, making a simple adjustment to turn it into a full-sized bed.

"This is nice," Abby said, looking around the room. "It looks like you." There were a couple of framed pictures of flowers on the walls, both by Robert Maplethorpe, one of Abby's favorite photographers. "I love your pictures," she said. "He was so gifted."

Clancy smiled. "He knew a sexy calla lily when he saw one." She grasped Abby's hand and pulled her close. "Wanna undress each other again?"

"Yes, but let's do it quicker this time. Now it's a life-saving measure."

"Maybe we'll feel better if we act like we're in my luxurious sauna," Clancy suggested.

"Oh, a little heat shouldn't stop us," the older woman said. "We make a lot of our own."

"That's what I'm worried about." Clancy quickly helped her lover out of her clothes, noticing that Abby's chest was flushed pink. "We'll feel better when we lie down and have the fan directly on us."

Abby lay down and blew out a breath. The air that moved up and down her body was almost worse than no air at all. It was as dry as dust and smelled of pollution.

"Bad day for a Santa Ana, huh?" Clancy asked rhetorically.

"Yep. I’ve gotten so used to the wind blowing from the sea to the mountains that it takes me by surprise when it turns around and blows from the desert to the sea. And I'd like to complain to whomever's in charge," she said. "Santa Anas aren't supposed to happen in the summer."

"I'm with you," Clancy said. "It was a tough day today. I got a nose bleed from the air being so dry."

Abby put her hand on Clancy's belly, feeling the heat that rose from her. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, sure. My sinuses don't like dry air. I should probably live in Florida."

Abby's eyes opened wide. "Don't you dare think about moving!"

Clancy laughed. "I live exactly where I want to. Florida would be my … mmm … forty-eighth choice if I had to pick a state."

"What are forty-nine and fifty?" Abby asked.

"Arizona and Alaska," Clancy said. "Arizona's dryer than California, and the growing season's too short in Alaska."

"Florida has a long growing season," Abby reminded her.

"Yeah, it does, but I hate humidity worse than dry weather. I'd just be a little wet spot on the ground if I worked in Florida."

"I feel like that might happen tonight," Abby said. The dogs were lying on their sides, both of them on the wooden floor. They were panting heavily, but Abby knew they'd be fine. She wasn't so sure about her own body, however. "I guess I'm more used to air conditioning than I thought," she admitted.

Clancy leaned up on one elbow and gazed at her thoughtfully. "I can't give you air conditioning, but I have a temporary solution. Wait right here," she said. She was gone for no more than a minute, and when she returned, she carried a large bowl filled with ice cubes. "When I'm really hot, I cool my neck and wrists down. It helps."

Abby sat up and held her arms out. "I'll take anything you've got," she said, smiling gamely.

Clancy turned off the light, then knelt behind her partner. "The first one's gonna feel pretty cold," she warned.

Abby flinched when the cube touched her neck, but it felt absolutely marvelous. "Ohh, baby," she purred, "keep 'em coming." Clancy took the cube and ran it across her shoulders, then down her spine, watching it slip into the space between each vertebra. Abby murmured encouragement, moving her body an inch or two to get the ice in the right spot.

Something about the way she was twitching on the bed started to heat Clancy up in a particular location, and she began to get a little more creative. She popped a cube in her mouth and started to place cold, wet kisses across Abby's shoulders. Those were met with a sexy moan, as Abby pressed back against her. Soon, each hand held a piece of ice, and both were making abstract patterns on Abby's chest.

Before Clancy could blink, she was lying on her back with Abby rubbing a cube across her nipple ring, then down her belly. She let out a startled mew when Abby fiendishly slipped the ice between her legs, letting it melt as it slowly slid lower and lower.

Soon they were rolling around on the futon like a pair of kids, ice everywhere. They were both laughing so helplessly that the dogs pried themselves from the floor to take a look. But when they saw there was nothing for them to eat, and no one looked like she needed help, they flopped back down.

Abby tried to wrestle Clancy onto her back again, and she was doing well, until the architect decided she wanted to be on top. Effortlessly, she flipped the taller woman over, then pounced on top of her, purring with satisfaction when Abby wrapped her legs around her waist. With her face a mere inch from Abby's, Clancy put another ice cube in her mouth and started to kiss her. They passed the melting cube back and forth for a long while with Abby gently pressing her hips against Clancy's body while she gazed into her eyes.

It didn't take long for Clancy to yearn to move down, and she did with one of the last cubes in her mouth, an impish expression on her face. Abby mewed when Clancy's cold lips touched her, then whimpered when the ice hit her clit. She twitched and tried to shift her hips, but Clancy held her tight, forcing her to stay right where she was. In a few seconds, she didn't want to get away, and Clancy felt a pair of hands clasp the back of her head – preventing her from pulling away. But the blonde had no intention of leaving her little nest, and they spent a good, long time learning how to cool off and heat up simultaneously.

***

Abby woke up a few minutes before the dawn broke. She spent a moment trying to orient herself, knowing that Clancy's head was on her chest and a muscular thigh was holding her in place. But she couldn't figure out why she was so unbearably hot, or why the bed felt so clammy. She opened her eyes and saw that they were in Clancy's room, and the evening came back to her. Oh, you're a little devil, Ms. O'Connor, she thought, recalling the way they'd played with each other deep into the night. I had a ball, but now that the ice has melted, I'm miserable!

She gently tickled Clancy's knee, and the landscaper mumbled something and rolled over, freeing Abby. She placed a foot on the floor and started to get up – only to fall right back down – her back screaming for mercy. She pulled her knees to her chest, and the spasm started to pass. Slowly, carefully, she rolled into an upright position, then scooted over so her feet could touch the floor. It took her another three or four minutes, but she finally stood up – or as far up as she could get. Please don't wake up before I'm able to stand! she pled silently. Your gramma probably doesn't have this much trouble getting out of bed!

Bent over, and stiffer than she'd been after running the L.A. Marathon, Abby put on Clancy's T-shirt and went to the bathroom. When she returned, Clancy's eyes were just opening. "Hi," she said. "Sleep well?"

Abby smiled back. "Like a dream," she said, lying through her teeth.

***

They were in a hurry to get showered, take the dogs out and get back to Abby's before the crew got there, so they bathed together. As with most of their dual endeavors, this one involved a lot of giggling, pinching, playful slapping and kissing. Abby ran back to the bedroom clad only in a towel with Clancy chasing her. They managed to get dressed without too many more interruptions, and when they went into the kitchen, Michael was making a pot of coffee. An attractive brunette was sitting at the kitchen table, obviously wearing one of Michael's shirts. "Hi," Clancy said, stopping so abruptly that Abby nearly ran into her. "I didn't know you were home."

"We got home late," he said. "Kelly, this is my roommate, Clancy, and her friend, Abby. Abby, Clancy – Kelly."

Kelly looked very tired and underdressed, and she didn't get up. "Hi," she said, giving the other women a slightly puzzled look. The dogs ran from Michael to her, sniffing rudely. "Were you all in there together?"

"Yeah," Clancy said without elaboration. "Gotta go. See you later."

"Bye," Michael said, and Kelly waved lazily.

When they hit the walk, Clancy looked at her partner. "Sorry about that," she said, making a face.

"I think we'd better think of another way," Abby said. "It's been a long time since I had to meet strangers before breakfast, and I rather like it that way."

Clancy nodded, happy that Abby didn't seem upset. "We'll figure it out."

***

When they reached the house, Abby used her opener and opened not only the gate, but the garage. "Wait right here," she said, hopping out. She got into her car and backed it out, moving it to the small, paved pad next to the house. She motioned for Clancy to put her truck in the garage, so the landscaper did. Abby closed the garage door and walked up next to the driver’s window. "You're not leaving until Hayley comes home," she said, smiling. "You can put your tools on the passenger seat and tell your crew whatever you want. They'll find out soon enough anyway."

"But I don't have any clothes!"

"You don't need any," Abby said, then turned and walked into the house.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Abby relented and let Clancy go home for clothes after work, but she made her take the Lexus. "I don't want to have my neighbors see your truck going in and out of my garage," she explained. "They won't even register that I'm not driving the Lexus."

"Okay, if you're sure," Clancy said.

"I am. Now hurry back here so we can have dinner and go to sleep in air-conditioned comfort."

Later that night, Clancy stayed outside and supervised the dogs as they made their final visit of the evening to the doggie bathroom. When they’d finished, the trio went upstairs, and Clancy spotted Abby emerging from the room at the end of the hall, carrying her toothbrush. She looked sheepish, and her eyes dropped a little, landing somewhere around Clancy’s stomach. “I, uhm … I thought we’d be more comfortable in the guest room,” she finally muttered, brushing past Clancy on her way to the room.

Following her into the room they'd slept in every time they'd been together, Clancy approached her from behind and settled her arms around her waist. “It’s fine, Abby. I don’t think I’d be too crazy about sleeping in the room you and Will shared, either.”

Turning in her loose embrace, Abby searched Clancy’s gray eyes and asked, “Are you sure you don’t mind? I wouldn’t hurt your feelings for the world, Clancy, but I’m afraid that I couldn’t relax …”

“Come on.” Clancy grasped her hand and led her back down the hallway. When they reached the door, she said, “Show me your room.”

Abby nodded and opened the door, smiling when the dogs raced past her and leapt onto the bed, waiting for her to join them. “They think it’s their room.”

Clancy looked around the large, warm, inviting space and smiled at Abby. “Now this looks like you.” She noticed the plethora of framed photos, mementos of trips, and a number of dog toys lying on the floor next to a very large, seemingly brand new, dog bed. “It’s nice in here.” She gazed at the pictures of Abby and Will, an abbreviated chronicle of their entire married life. One picture in particular caught her eye. A significantly darker-haired Abby had her hands laced behind Will’s neck, and his hands were on her waist. They were kissing, and both were smiling widely while their lips touched. Abby was elegantly dressed in a sexy, black, sequined dress, and Will looked dashing in a well-tailored tuxedo. They looked very happy to be in each other’s arms, and very comfortable with each other physically.

“That was our tenth anniversary,” Abby said. “My parents threw a lovely party for us. Our twentieth would’ve been the next big one, but we weren't going to make a big deal out of it. We thought we'd have a real blow-out for our twenty-fifth.” She let out a wistful sigh that said more than any further comment could have.

Clancy ran her finger around the edge of the frame, contemplating the picture for a few moments. “I'm so glad that you had this. It makes me feel warm all over to know that you were so in love for such a long time.”

“I was,” she said, her voice very soft. She stared, unblinking, at the picture that Clancy held in her hands. Clancy stood very still, watching the emotions flicker across her lover's face. Finally, Abby's eyes closed and she said, “I still am in love with him. His death didn't change my feelings. Our relationship will always be the same. And he’ll always be exactly as he was the day he died.” She gazed at Clancy with watery eyes and said, “I’ll catch him and pass him — he’ll always be forty-nine — still grousing about the big fiftieth birthday party I was planning for him.” She wrapped her arms around Clancy and cried softly, her body shuddering as the smaller woman held her tightly. “I miss him so much,” she murmured. “But it helps … it really helps more than you'll ever know that you let me talk about him and how I feel about him.” She drew back and wiped her eyes and said, “People get tired of hearing you talk about your dead husband. If you don’t suck it up and act like nothing happened, they stop inviting you places. A lot of people avoid me to this day. Seeing me reminds them of Will, and they don't want to think about the fact that he's gone.”

“You don’t ever have to censor yourself around me,” Clancy promised. “I’m very, very interested in how you feel — how you’ve dealt with this — how you’ve managed to go on.” She held her lover at arm’s length and looked deeply into her eyes. “I mean that.”

“Thanks.” Abby shook her head and brushed her hair from her eyes. “I’ve been thinking about him so much these days. I’m sure that’s partly because of … us,” she added softly. “I’m sure it'll pass soon.”

“I know it’s hard for you, but don’t feel like you have to bottle things up on my account. It’s hard for me to see you in pain, but it’s the only way to get it out.”

“I know. Lord, I know. My grief counselor told me that so many times that I have it imprinted on my brain. I guess I thought that over time I’d get the feelings out, and they wouldn’t jump up and bite me at the most inopportune moments.”

“Give it time. This'll settle down.” She looked at Abby contemplatively for a moment and said, “Why don’t I keep my things in the guest room and use that bathroom? You keep your toothbrush here. That way we can both have a little space. I don't want you to change your routine.”

“Okay,” Abby said, sharing a wan smile with the younger woman. “That would be really nice.”

 Clancy tucked an arm around Abby’s trim waist and said, “Let’s go to bed.” As they left the room, the dogs blew past them, and Clancy closed the door firmly, hoping to leave the memories behind them — for at least one night.

***

Abby sat on the bed smiling as she watched Clancy put her clothes into the empty dresser. “Do you get a discount when you buy six pairs of the same shorts?”

“These,” Clancy said, shaking a pair at her, “are the world’s most perfect shorts. Six pockets, wide belt loops, rubber buttons on the fly, quick drying nylon/cotton blend, roomy in the crotch. And they come in five colors.”

“Clancy, those are five very slight variations on the same color,” Abby said.

“No way. These are radically different colors. I’ve got brown, tan, green, beige and chalk.”

Abby shook her head and walked over to the dresser. “You’ve got khaki times five. Luckily, they look adorable on you.”

“I make up for my monochromatic wardrobe by having very, very colorful socks and underwear,” Clancy maintained. “Wanna see?”

Abby peeked into the drawer where Clancy had neatly laid out her things. “Well, that is certainly a riot of color,” she said. Clancy, indeed, had some of the most colorful panties that Abby had ever seen. No two pair were alike, and each one was louder than the next. Stripes, polka dots, plaids, zigzag, tie-dyed and animal prints vied for supremacy in the drawer. Abby’s eyes moved from the panties to the wild socks, and she commented, “I’m going to have to put on my sunglasses to do your laundry.”

Clancy looked up at her and gave her a gentle hug. “You don’t have to do my laundry. I’m very self-sufficient.”

“I want to,” Abby insisted. “You work hard all day. When you’re finished, I don’t want you to have to worry about anything. Let me take care of you for a little while. Please?”

Clancy looked at her and said, “I would've thought you had someone doing that kind of thing for you. Why don’t you have any help?”

“We never have.” Abby lay down, letting out a tired sigh when her body relaxed against the mattress. “When we were newlyweds, we discussed how we wanted to spend our money. We’d already decided that I probably wouldn’t work after I graduated — since we wanted to have children right away. Will sat down with his little spreadsheet and showed me how much it would cost to have someone clean the house every week. Then he projected that out over one year, two years, and so on. We decided that we’d rather save that money and use it for our vacation fund — so that both of us could enjoy it. That money took us to Europe three times,” she said, smiling warmly. “Even later, when we could easily afford it, it seemed like a waste of money. It took me a while to learn how to cook and clean, but now I think of my household tasks as my job — and I like my job.”

“Abby, if you want to add my grimy clothes to your job description, I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“I do,” she said. “I want to spoil you a little while you’re here.”

When Clancy had finished unpacking, she walked over to the closed door. “Do you normally let the dogs sleep with you?”

“Yes, but it won’t kill them to sleep in the hall for a while.”

“Can we let them back in?” Clancy asked. “I hate to throw them out of their home.”

“If that would make you happy, feel free.” Clancy opened the door, and the elated pair flew into the room, sliding across the bed to bang into Abby. “Come here, you,” the laughing woman called, crooking a finger at Clancy.

Impetuously, Clancy ran across the room and jumped onto the bed, sliding just as the dogs had. When she banged into Abby, the older woman wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her tight. “You are the sweetest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure to know.”

“Doggies need love, too,” Clancy reminded her.

“Yes, they do. It’ll be interesting to see how they react to our being … intimate.”

“Well, maybe a little time in the hall won’t kill ‘em,” Clancy said, chuckling softly. “Although tonight, I’d love to wrap my arms around you and go to sleep.”

“So soon?” Abby asked. “You already want to sleep instead of make love? Which one of us is fifteen years older?”

“I've been telling you that you have more energy than I do. I wasn't kidding! But cuddling can be nice too, can't it?" Clancy lay down and opened her arms. Abby gladly snuggled into her warm embrace, laying her head upon her chest.

“This is very, very nice,” Abby murmured.

“It is,” Clancy said. The dogs dug and pulled at the covers for a moment, then they both settled down, Athena against Clancy’s thighs, Artemis snuggled tightly against Abby’s shins. “Blissful,” the blonde purred as sleep captured her.

***

The soft trill of an alarm woke Abby at 6:00, and she opened her eyes just enough to try to find its source. Her eyes finally landed on the dresser, where Clancy’s watch lay next to her wallet. It didn’t seem like the device was going to stop on its own, so she lifted Clancy’s sleep-heavy arm and leg from her body and slipped out of bed as stealthily as possible. Turning off the insistent little alarm, she turned to go back to bed for a few minutes, but when her eyes landed on Clancy’s sleeping form, she stopped abruptly and gazed at her for a few long minutes.

The blonde was wearing just a goldenrod-yellow tank top, and the bright color complimented her golden skin perfectly. Her hair was attractively mussed with several of the longer strands covering her eyes. Pink lips were slightly open, revealing just the edges of her white, even teeth. Both dogs were curled up against her back, their limbs so entwined that only their coat textures differentiated them. The trio looked so sweet and peaceful in their little nest, and Abby thought rather gratefully how seamlessly Clancy was able to fit into her life. The pups are always friendly, she thought, but they only show this kind of trust and affection with really good people. There wouldn’t be a problem in the world if it were just me and the dogs — but it’s not. We have to make sure the kids can accept this. Shaking her head to dispel the intrusive thoughts, Abby let Clancy’s peaceful countenance soothe her for a minute, letting her eyes linger on her lovely face.

Her affectionate feelings were mingled with a sexually charged magnetic pull that demanded she stop watching her lover sleep and join her. As she slid into bed, Clancy automatically molded her body to hers, drawing her leg up to drape over Abby’s hip. The older woman’s hand wandered down the muscular back, tracing some of the more defined muscles through the cotton, then lingering upon the bare, smooth globes of her ass. Somebody needs to wake up, she thought decisively, feeling an unmistakable throb between her legs. Her fingers tickled between Clancy’s soft cheeks, and she felt her start to move against her. Slipping forward a few inches, she flicked her fingers back and forth, drawing a gentle purr from Clancy’s waking body. Suddenly, a warm, wet mouth was attached to her neck, and the purr grew louder. Oh, it’s gonna be a good day, Abby thought as a tingle of sensation skittered down her spine.

***

After her very pleasant wake-up call, Clancy haphazardly maneuvered Abby into the shower, banging into walls and doors as they kissed hungrily. She spent as much time washing all of Abby’s nooks and crannies as she did performing her own ablutions, but she wasn’t complaining in the least. She had her pressed up against the tile, Abby’s cheek resting on the warm surface while Clancy rubbed up against her slick back. “I think someone is definitely a morning person,” Clancy purred into her ear.

“Mmm-hmm,” Abby moaned sensually. “It’s my favorite time.” She turned and draped her arms around Clancy’s neck and said, “We got into the habit when the kids were little. We were always too tired at the end of the day to even think about being sexual — but if we got up early enough, the kids never disturbed us. Believe me, that’s a requirement for good sex. Nothing ruins a mood faster than hearing, ‘Mommy! Mommy!’ when your partner is sucking on your nipples. Do you like mornings, too?” She dipped her head and offered Clancy a slow, probing kiss.

“Uhm … what was the question?” the younger woman asked, a confused look on her face.

“Never mind,” Abby grinned, bending to suck a rigid nipple into her mouth. “You’ve already answered my question once, and you’re about to answer it again.”

***

Clancy poked her head into the house in the late afternoon to ask Abby to come out and see what they’d accomplished. "The guys are just packing up for the week. Let’s go sit outside so I can impress you with all of the details of our accomplishments.”

She pointed at the refrigerator, and Abby took her cue and pulled out a beer for the landscaper, smiling at Clancy's nod. After a few minutes of the detailed description of nearly every shovel of earth that had been turned, they sat down on the teak settee and enjoyed the late afternoon breeze. "So, Dad's crew is finished for the time being. My guys will come back on Monday – or as soon as the boulders are delivered. We'll get them in and fill all the soil back into the trenches. Then we can test the system. We're really moving now."

Clancy put her arm along the settee’s back, and Abby wrinkled her nose and sniffed a few times. “I like the way you smell when you’ve been working all day.”

Clancy sniffed herself ostentatiously and looked at Abby skeptically. “You’re joking, right?”

“No. Not at all. I’m used to how men smell when they sweat, and I’ve got to tell you — you are a very welcome change. You have a definite scent, but it’s earthy and musky — not unpleasant in the least.”

“Well, thanks,” Clancy said. “I’m very attracted to the way you smell, too. Maybe that’s part of the chemistry, huh?”

“Perhaps,” Abby agreed. “Did you have a good day? I mean, I’m impressed with what you’ve accomplished of course, but did you enjoy yourself?”

“I did. Things went well all around today.” Reaching for Abby’s hand, she ran her thumb all around the soft skin of her palm. “Are things settling down a little for you now? You seem pretty happy.” She was looking at her tentatively, and Abby squeezed her hand and nodded.

“I’m feeling great. Really content.”

“Uhm … I know you’re not crazy about talking about things until they’ve jelled in your mind, but I keep thinking that the other shoe is about to drop, and it’s scaring me.”

“Other shoe?” Abby stared at her blankly. “Clancy, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

Clancy shook her head in frustration, knowing that she wasn’t expressing herself very well. “Okay. Here’s the deal. When we’re together — like now — things seem totally natural between us … like we’ve known each other for years.”

Abby nodded, encouraging her to continue.

“But sometimes, I’m out here working, and I get struck by a real sense of panic.” She gazed at Abby thoughtfully and said, “I’m afraid that it’s going to hit you, and you’re going to freak — ya know?”

“Freak?”

“Yes. Freak.” Clancy was further frustrated, and her furrowed brow showed it. “About having lesbian sex ... Damn, Abby, I don’t see how you can just start having lesbian sex and not have it affect you at all!”

“Well, how should I react?” she asked. “I’ve never been in this position before.”

“That’s my point! I’ve never slept with a straight woman, and all I’ve heard are horror stories. I’m really worried that you’re going to have second thoughts.”

“Oh. Ohh! You think that I’ll wake up from my sensual haze and decide that this is wrong, wrong, wrong!”

“Well, yeah,” Clancy said, her eyes searching Abby’s face. “I really don’t want that to happen, and if we can avoid it by talking about this —”

“Oh, Clancy,” she murmured, taking the smaller woman in her arms. “Don’t spend your time worrying about things like that.” Pulling away, she placed soft kisses all over Clancy’s face, grimacing when she pulled away. “Dirt,” she said, wiping at her tongue.

“Always a hazard with me.”

Abby ruffled her hair a little and said, “Small price to pay.” She gave Clancy a smile that she hoped would be reassuring and said, “Let me tell you a few things — about me and about my circumstances.” She took in a breath and began. “I only have so much energy. About half of my energy is dealing with my guilt.”

Clancy nodded and patted her gently. “I assumed you’d have feelings like that, even though you haven’t talked about them much.”

“Yeah. Just because I don’t talk about my feelings a lot doesn’t mean I don’t have ‘em.” She leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Clancy’s cheek. “I don’t feel guilty about having sex or being sexual with a woman. My guilt is focused on the fact that I’m going on — I’m being loved and touched again — and Will’s still dead. He’ll never get to experience pleasure like we’ve been enjoying, Clancy. That makes me so sad.” She wiped at the tears that seemed to always lurk just underneath the surface and smiled sadly. “I wish he were here, Clancy, but then I wouldn’t have this with you.” She leaned forward and kissed her tenderly. “I’m so enjoying sharing this with you.”

“I am, too,” Clancy murmured, adding a few kisses of her own.

“We’re agreed then,” Abby smiled. “Now, like I said, half of my energy is going towards dealing with those feelings. The other half is focused on worrying about how my kids will handle this — especially Hayley. They’re both open-minded, but having a friend who’s gay is one thing …”

Clancy saw the teasing sparkle in her eyes and tenderly kissed the soft lids. “That’s probably a pretty unique circumstance,” she agreed.

“So — half of my mind is on Will, and the other half is on my kids. What I’ve decided to do is let myself have this time — without letting either of those worries ruin this for us.” She scooted around a little so she was facing Clancy. “I haven’t had a hell of a lot of fun in the last few years. I deserve this — and I’m going to take it. When Hayley comes home, we’re going to have our plates full trying to decide what to do about this — but until then, I want to enjoy you in every way.”

“I can do that,” Clancy promised. She tried to swallow her worry, but it was still evident in the lines on her face.

“I don’t mean that in a selfish way,” Abby insisted. “But I guess it is selfish. I want to put those worries away, and I can do that. But if you can’t … I want you to tell me.”

“I … I think I can.”

“You don’t look very certain,” Abby said, trying to ease the lines that had formed between her lover’s brows.

“I’m not,” the younger woman admitted. “I’m worried about what’s gonna happen. What’ll happen if Hayley totally freaks about this?”

Abby closed her eyes and sat quietly for a few moments. “I don’t know how we’ll deal with that. I truly don’t know.” Bringing Clancy’s hand to her lips, she said, “But we will deal with it. Somehow.” She touched Clancy’s cheek so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “Does that reassure you?”

“A little. But I’m still worried that you’re gonna regret this – even if your kids don’t give you a hard time. It just seems like such a leap!”

“The lesbian thing?”

“Yes!” Clancy said, frustration showing again.

“Maybe you don’t know me well enough,” Abby said. “Let me tell you a few things. I don’t want to sound like I’m boasting, but I’m a very, very open-minded person. I don’t think of people by category. I really try not to lump people together based on some characteristic, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. That’s one of the things I admire about you.”

“Thanks. I guess what I’m trying to say is that how people categorize their sexuality doesn’t affect how I feel about them — so it doesn’t affect how I feel about myself very much, either. I was completely satisfied with my sexual orientation for my whole life, Clancy — I never longed for a woman’s touch. But now that I’ve had it — I see how different it is, and how it reaches a different part of me. It’s very rewarding — and very pleasing, and I’m very glad that we’re sharing this.”

“So, you’re saying that you really don’t think you’ll freak?”

“No, I don’t,” Abby said firmly. “For one thing, I’m not that kind of person. I know what tragedy is. I know what it’s like to have my whole world turned upside down. I lived through that — and I still wake up most mornings happy to be alive. Worrying about the sex of the person I’m being intimate with is such a minor issue in the scheme of things. It’s really too inconsequential to bother with.” She gave Clancy another lingering kiss and said, “I’m really open-minded about sex. Will and I weren’t bored in the least, and that was after twenty years of monogamy. I like to experiment, and try new things. My habit was never to say no unless I’d tried it. This is another new experience — a very, very pleasurable experience, I might add.”

“I like the way you think,” Clancy said, wrapping her arms tightly around Abby’s body. “One more good reason to have an experienced, mature lover.”

“Hey, we’ve got to have some benefits,” she said.

“You have more benefits than I can count.”

“Speaking of counting,” Abby said, “I can almost count your ribs. You go shower while I make dinner, then we can talk some more if you want to.”

Clancy stood and stretched her body out. “Nope. I’m finished. You’ve allayed all of my fears — for a while at least. We’ll chill until Hayley comes home.”

“It’s a deal,” Abby said, drawing the younger woman to her and pulling her shirt from her pants. Several warm, lingering kisses along Clancy’s abdomen made both of them forget their agenda; they stumbled into the living room and spent the next hour showering each other with affection.

***

Sated and happy, Abby slipped her clothes back on and sat down in the den. Dialing her parents, she waited for a moment, pleased when her daughter answered. “Hi, baby. How’s everything going?”

“Hi, Mom,” Hayley said brightly. “Everything’s great. The weather’s really warm and sunny, and I spent most of the day going on a long bike ride. Gramps has a really cool recumbent bike, and I rode the wheels off it.”

“I don’t even know what that is, but if your grandfather bought it, I’m sure it’s very high-tech,” Abby said, laughing.

"Yeah. Sometimes I forget how cool Gram and Gramps are, but then I hear people at school talking about how their moms and dads don't know how to use computers! Isn't that weird?"

"A little," Abby said, "but some people don't like change. Luckily, your grandparents aren't like that. They're never afraid to try new things."

"Yeah. Gramps has the whole house wired for Wi-Fi. I can surf from anyplace!"

"Are you having fun, honey?" Abby asked. "Keeping busy?"

"Yeah. I'm doing good. They're both working on things, so they give me some space. I've been going to the beach every day … you know … hanging out."

"Have you met anyone to hang out with?"

"Yeah. I met a guy from California who's visiting his family this week. He works for an energy-alternatives foundation in San Francisco."

"Oh. How old is this guy?"

"I think he's about twenty-five or twenty-six. He's the oldest of four, and his youngest brother is a freshman at UC San Diego. He's pretty cool, Mom. We've been hanging out with his brothers at the beach. They're a lot of fun."

"What's his name?"

"Alexander," she said, pronouncing each syllable distinctly. "Isn't that a great name? He calls himself Alex, but I think Alexander sounds cooler."

"That's a very great name," Abby said, smiling to herself. "Have you seen each other in the evening?"

"Yeah. We went out clubbing last night. His family's been coming here for years, and he knows a lot of people. It was great."

"I'm glad you're having fun, honey. Alexander sounds like a nice guy."

"Oh, he is. Really smart, funny, and sweet. And he has the most wonderful face. Strong, but sometimes he looks almost pretty." She sounded like she was talking about a Greek god, and Abby had a feeling that her little girl was smitten once again.

"Are you going to be ready to come home? I'd hate to have you miss out on the fun. I'll change your ticket for you if you want to stay longer." Abby was shocked at the words that were coming from her mouth. She realized she was trying to talk Hayley into staying away – just so she and Clancy could have more time together. She felt like hitting herself on the head with the phone, but Hayley reassured her.

"No, I'm ready. Alexander leaves on Sunday, so I'm ready to leave, too. I might stop and see him before I go back to Santa Cruz, though. If that's okay."

"We can probably work something out since we have some time to change your reservations," Abby said. "How do you feel about coming home?"

"Good. Why?"

"Why? You were more than a little upset when you left here, Hayley."

"Oh. Right. I was kind of a bitch, wasn't I?"

"I wouldn't use that word, but you weren't showing your best side."

"I'll apologize to Clancy … and mean it this time," she said. "I treated her like shit, Mom. And she didn't deserve it."

"Not many people deserve that, honey. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"Maybe I'll work with her again. I could use some extra money."

"Mmm … I don't think that'll work out. They've mostly finished the water feature, and I think things are pretty technical right now."

"Oh! They've done that already?"

"Uh-huh. You'll be amazed at how much is finished." She waited a beat, then asked, "If you'd like a job, I could ask around."

"I would," she said. "I know I'll only be home for a few more weeks, but I don't want to lie around and do nothing. Alexander was telling me that he doesn't have enough hours in the day to do all the things he has to do. I'm not living up to my potential, Mom."

Abby smirked to herself, wondering how long it would be before Hayley was urging her to trade in her Lexus for an electric car.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

On Saturday morning, Abby extricated herself from Clancy’s embrace and headed for her bathroom. She was scheduled to meet Ellen, Pam and Maria for a nine o’clock tennis match, and she knew she’d play poorly if she didn’t have a decent breakfast.

After her shower, she tiptoed past the guestroom, hoping to allow Clancy to sleep as long as possible. Seconds later, she was met in the kitchen by a rumpled but smiling young woman who was in the middle of toasting a bagel. “What’ll it be? I could make you an omelet, or eggs any style, cereal …”

“Aren’t you just the sweetest thing,” Abby said, giving her cook a warm kiss. “I thought you were still asleep.”

“Nah. The girls and I want to see you off. We can go back to bed if the mood strikes us.”

“You need to get your sleep when you work as hard as you do, Clancy. You really should catch a few more hours when I leave.”

“I might. When will you be home?”

“Mmm … depends. We usually have lunch after we play, but I don’t think I want to be gone that long.”

“Go ahead. Really,” Clancy urged. “I know you enjoy seeing your friends. Don’t rush home on my account. Actually, I could spend the morning visiting a client or two. Saturdays are the best times to catch most people at home.”

“All right,” Abby agreed. She draped her arms around Clancy’s neck and said, “I’d like a bagel with a little peanut butter and some granola. I need some protein before I play.”

“Coming right up. I’ll watch you eat, then take a little nap and get some work done.”

Abby watched her prepare the simple meal, sipping a cup of coffee as the younger woman moved around the kitchen. “I really appreciate that you don’t begrudge me my time with my friends. They mean a lot to me.”

“I’m not that kind of person,” Clancy said. “I need time for myself, too, so I really do understand the pull.”

“We’re a pretty compatible pair, Ms. O’Connor,” Abby said, her lips quirking into a grin.

“Couldn’t agree more,” Clancy said, delivering breakfast and a sweet kiss.

***

Ellen Chenoweth wiped her face repeatedly, finally bending over the sink to splash cold water on herself. “Whose bright idea was it to switch partners?” she grumbled. “I swear you ran my legs off, Abby. Never again, sweetie! I’m on your side of the net, or I’m going home!”

“Now you see what we have to put up with,” Pam said. “It’s nice to get a breather.”

Maria gave her lover a lethal stare, and Pam tried to extricate herself from the hole she had dug. “I didn’t mean that you’re an inferior player, honey; I just meant that … uhm … Abby’s a little taller, and her serve comes in at a funny angle … and …”

“That’s okay, Pamela,” she said archly. “I know exactly what you meant — but since it’s the truth, I can’t really complain. Abby could kick our respective asses in singles. Hell, she could probably beat any two of us as a single!”

“Enough!” Abby didn’t generally mind being complimented, and she was a far superior player, but she hated to have it brought up too frequently. “I play more than you guys do, and I’ve played longer than any of you — it stands to reason that I’d be sharper.”

“Honey,” Ellen drawled, “I could pitch a tent on that court and play every moment that I wasn’t sleeping, and I still couldn’t beat you. Face facts, Abby, you rock!”

“Somebody’s kids are home from school,” Abby teased. “You only use colloquialisms when you hear them from the boys.”

“Yes, I revert to their ages when they’re home,” Ellen agreed. “And of course, they both need a car today, so I can’t stay for lunch.”

“That’s okay. We’ll catch you next week,” Abby said.

“Oh! I almost forgot! I have a new man for you, Abby,” Ellen said, bursting with enthusiasm. “He’s a lawyer with the Federal Exchange Commission, and Neal says that he’s a real find. He’s just getting back on his feet after a nasty divorce, but luckily his ex-wife is a surgeon, so she didn’t suck him dry.” Smiling brightly, Ellen added, “No kids, either.” Dropping her voice, Ellen said, “I think he has a low sperm count.”

Be still my heart, Abby thought to herself. She shook her head briefly and said, “Keep him on hold, Ellen. I’ve, uhm … met someone … and I want to see where it goes before I accept any more blind dates.”

“Tell me all about him,” Ellen demanded, Maria and Pam looking on interestedly.

“Mmm … I don’t want to jinx it,” Abby said. “Give me a few weeks, and if we’re still together, I’ll tell all.”

Ellen gave her a long, appraising look. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but you’ve got a spring in your step that I haven’t seen in years. This guy must be good for you.”

“We’ll see,” Abby said, trying not to lie too much.

“One way or the other, we’ll get you fixed up, Abby,” Ellen said. “I won’t stop until you’re married again. You’re too fabulous a woman to be alone when you don’t want to be.”

After a round of goodbyes, the remaining threesome left the locker room for the outdoor restaurant. They were seated under a large umbrella, idly observing a good singles match when Maria said, “Ellen’s right, you know, Abby. You have a spark in you that’s been absent for far too long. I know you don’t want to talk about this guy, but I want you to know that we both hope this works out.”

Abby gave her friends a shy smile and lowered her eyes to pick at her Cobb salad for a moment. “I uhm … would like to talk about it a little. It’s kinda complicated, so I didn’t want to get into it in the locker room, but if you’re interested …”

“Yes, we are!” Pam said, her eyes flickering between her partner and Abby.

“Okay,” Abby said slowly, trying to figure out where to start. “Uhm … like I said … it’s complicated …”

“He’s not married, is he?” Maria blurted out, drawing a scolding look from Pam.

“Do you do that at work, honey?” Pam asked dryly. “I can’t imagine that’s good for business.”

“I’m perfectly well-behaved when I’m with a patient,” she sniffed. “But I’m not with a patient now, so I can be as abrupt as I want, right, Abby?”

“Right, Maria. I don’t mind your direct style one bit — as a friend, that is. If my psychiatrist did that, I’d fire her!”

“You neither have, nor need, a psychiatrist,” Maria scoffed. “You just need to get laid with some regularity by a man who can appreciate a wonderful woman.”

Abby flushed deeply and cleared her throat. “Well, that’s where you’re off, Doc. I’ve been being laid quite spectacularly — but it wasn’t by a man.”

Only the plop of the ball hitting the court could be heard for several moments as the women tried to get their minds around Abby’s announcement. “You’re sleeping with a … with a woman?” Pam asked, her voice an octave higher than normal.

“I am,” Abby said soberly. “I don’t know quite what I was thinking of the first time, but since then it’s … she’s … become quite addictive.”

“What does Hayley think about this?” Maria gasped.

“Oh, I must not have mentioned that Hayley is up in Maine for her annual visit. She’s going to be gone for another week. She doesn’t know — and I’m not sure how, or when, to tell her.”

“Well, I have an opinion,” Maria said. She looked at Abby for a moment and said, “I wouldn’t tell her unless you’re serious about this woman. I think it’s bad for Hayley to learn too much about your sex life — unless it’s going to impact her in the long term. Now, if you’re serious about this, and you want to have a relationship with her — then by all means you should tell Hayley and Trevor. But not until then.”

Abby nodded agreeably. “That’s what I thought.”

“I told you that you didn’t need a psychiatrist,” Maria said.

“I’m gonna need one if I don’t get some details!” Pam burst out. “Who is she, how did you meet her, have I ever dated her …”

Abby smiled at the teasing and told the tale. “She’s the landscape architect who’s been working on my house. Little did I know that you could obtain a perfectly delightful lesbian lover by home delivery,” she said. “Now, I can’t guarantee it, but I doubt that you’ve dated her, Pam. She’s only been out for twelve years, and you’ve been with Maria for twenty. So, if you have dated her, neither Maria nor I want to know about it.”

“What’s her name?” Maria asked. “We must know her if she’s a professional in the San Gabriel Valley.”

“Clancy O’Connor,” Abby said, smiling when two blank expressions greeted the name. “I’ve gotten the impression she doesn’t do a lot of work in the lesbian community. But I’d really like her to get some contacts. She’s very talented.”

“Sounds like she’s talented in many areas,” Pam said, grinning lasciviously.

Maria slapped at her and warned, “Get your mind out of the gutter, honey. Abby doesn’t want to talk about the gory details … do you, Abby?” she asked hopefully.

“Not many of them,” Abby said. “But I will say that she’s a wonderful person, and she's been very patient and gentle with me. She doesn’t pressure me, and she’s even allowed me to clam up like I normally do.”

“She sounds like a prize,” Maria said. “I’m really surprised we don’t know her, though. I thought we knew everyone.”

“Apparently not,” Abby said. “One lesbian slipped under the radar.”

“How are you handling the … uhm … lesbian thing,” Pam asked. “This is a pretty big change for you.”

“I don’t know,” Abby sighed. “I’m trying just to live for the day and worry about it tomorrow.”

“I think that’s a song,” Maria said thoughtfully.

“I’m not above borrowing my life-changing decisions from songs,” Abby said. “I’m just having a marvelous time. I feel loved and cared for and desired and lusted after for the first time in five years, and I’m going to do my best to make this work. I deserve love, damn it!”

“Hear, hear,” Pam said, patting Abby on the hand. “You do deserve it, Abby, and as long as you’re happy, we’re happy for you.”

They finished their meals with more questions about Clancy and the job she was doing for Abby, and eventually Abby stretched and said, “I’ve got to get home to Clancy.”

“She’s at your house?” Maria asked, eyes widening.

“Yes,” Abby said, somewhat defensively. “I trust her, Maria. I’m quite sure she’s not stealing the good silver.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean that! I’m just wondering why she’s staying with you — I mean — it’s so soon …”

“Aren’t you the people who always ask, ‘What does a lesbian do on a second date?’ … ‘Rent a U-haul,’ I believe is the correct answer.”

“Yes, but …”

“But nothing, Maria. Hayley is only going to be gone for two weeks. I decided that I wanted to keep Clancy as my love slave for the entire time Hayley was gone. She’s not homeless — she’s not a drug addict — she’s not trying to take advantage of me, so why shouldn’t I have her at my house?”

“Uhm … I can’t think of a reason in the world,” the psychiatrist said, smiling.

***

Abby looked antsy to leave, so they urged her to go and stayed behind to sign the check. “So, what’s your diagnosis?” Pam asked.

“Hard to say,” she said. “This is very impulsive behavior for Abby — but that’s the only thing that worries me. It honestly doesn’t surprise me that much that she’d be drawn to a woman — she’s certainly not very hung up sexually. I’m just worried about the suddenness of the whole thing. That’s not like her.”

“No, it isn’t, but she sure seemed happy. She reminded me of how she was when we first met her.”

“You know, she did,” Maria mused. “I wonder who this mystery woman is? Maybe she’s like Abby — coming off of a long marriage or something. That would explain why she’s only been out for twelve years.”

“Maybe she’s not very out … you know, kinda semi-closeted?”

“Yeah. That’s the only reasonable explanation. If she was very out we’d know her. We need to meet this woman. Maybe we know her but don't know her name.”

“Hmm … but what if she's not out? That worries me a little,” Maria said. “A woman in her late forties who’s still in the closet might have some issues about being a lesbian. That might be hard for Abby to deal with – you know how open she is about things.”

“Well, there’s one way to find out what the story is,” Pam said. “Ask them over for dinner!”

***

When Abby returned to the house, she was a little surprised to see Clancy’s truck in the garage, and she had to smirk at herself when her heart picked up a beat. If I start doodling COC loves ATG, I’m going to voluntarily commit myself!

The dogs didn’t run out to greet her, which was also a little odd, but the whereabouts of the threesome was resolved when Abby walked into the kitchen and looked out the window. Clancy was lying on one of the pool floats, clad in just a long-sleeved T-shirt. Her arms were stretched out to the sides, each hand holding onto another float, each float occupied by a very content-looking dog. Abby started to laugh so hard that her sides ached. She slid the door open, still laughing. Three sets of eyes blinked at her, but only the gray eyes showed much enthusiasm for her arrival. “Don’t just stand there, grab a float and get in here. My arms are tired!”

“How on earth did you get those beasts up on those floats? I know it wasn’t easy!”

“That’s an understatement,” Clancy said, chuckling. “But they kept swimming out and trying to get on with me — and I didn’t want those sharp claws on my bare legs. Since I got them settled, they’ve been blissfully happy.”

Abby started to strip out of her clothing, and she surprised Clancy by diving in completely naked and swimming up to her, a beaming grin covering her face. “I wanna get on your float, too.” She looked as happy as Clancy had ever seen her, and Clancy immediately tried to satisfy her request. She had to let go of the dogs, but they were so relaxed that they didn’t seem to mind. Clancy tugged on her partner, and their joint efforts soon resulted in Abby lying prone atop her, the float riding very, very low in the water, but still holding them up. “Just before you came home, I was wondering if it was possible to feel any better,” Clancy murmured. “There was only one thing missing before — but everything’s perfect now.”

“I’m happy, too,” Abby said. “I came out to Pam and Maria this morning.” She lifted her head and looked into Clancy’s eyes. “It went very, very well.”

Clancy’s mouth was gaping open at a comical width. “Did you plan on that?”

“No. But Ellen said she had yet another date planned for me, and I told her that I was seeing someone. I’m not sure why, but I didn’t want to tell her about us; when she left I told Maria and Pam.”

“And they took it well?”

“Of course.” She lifted her head again and asked, “Why wouldn’t they?”

“Well, geez, Abby, I don’t know. This is a very big change for you!”

“They’re my friends, Clancy. I’ve known them for over fifteen years, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from them. Don’t forget that they’re lesbians, and on top of that, Maria is a psychiatrist, for goodness’ sake. She’s required to be supportive!”

“You’re okay with this?” Clancy asked warily.

“Very. It feels good to tell someone. I don’t have a bit of shame over being with you, Clancy, and it feels good to show that I’m proud of what we have.”

Clancy gave her a warm, wet, chlorine-infused kiss, lingering for quite a few blissful moments. “I’m proud of you,” she whispered.

“I was afraid you were going to be gone when I got home,” Abby murmured. “I’m really glad you weren’t. I need this.”

“I need this, too,” Clancy said, burrowing her head into Abby’s neck. "I'm glad I was a lazy bum this morning. The bad news is that I made an appointment for later."

"Ooo …" Abby looked up and gave her lover a pout. "Do you have to?"

"Yeah. Gotta pay the bills."

"Can I pay you to stay home?" Abby asked, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Nope. I'm a self-made thousand-aire. But you can let me know how much you missed me when I get home."

"Consider it done," Abby said. "I'll think of something creative."

***

Abby had obviously been thinking of ways to show Clancy that she was missed while she had been gone because she backed the architect up against the counter as soon as she entered the kitchen. The dogs were scampering through the room, barking and wagging their tails, but Clancy couldn’t get away to even give them a quick pet. Busy, determined fingers worked at the buttons of her shirt, and when Abby had it undone she pushed it from Clancy’s shoulders and tightened her hold on it—trapping her arms. “I’ve got ya now,” she growled, kissing Clancy everywhere her moist lips could reach. She was pressing against the muscular young woman tightly, grinding her hips against her while she kissed her senseless.

“I’ve never felt more welcome,” the shorter woman panted.

“You’re nowhere near as welcome as you’re gonna get,” Abby promised, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

“I hope that was a dare,” Clancy gasped. “I can never turn down a dare.”

Abby twitched her shoulders, brushing her breasts against Clancy’s. She stopped abruptly and cocked her head. “Did you take your ring out?”

“Mmm.” Clancy thought for a moment, then nodded. “You usually can’t see it under my clothes, but I switch it out when I go to see clients. Just to be safe.”

“Switch it out?” Abby’s fingers slid up to encircle the nipple, and her smile grew wider. “What’s this?” The rigid point was nearly bursting from a tiny little ring that surrounded it. She reached behind Clancy and unhooked her bra, then let her fingers explore thoroughly. Clancy didn’t say a word, she just relaxed against the counter and let Abby’s searching fingers excite her all the more. Suddenly, her shirt was tossed to the floor, then her bra fell atop the shirt, and Abby’s tongue was tracing the small, gold circle before Clancy could blink.

Abby’s mouth went from one breast to the other, and after a moment, Clancy realized that her goal was to try to make one nipple as firm as the other. “You’ll never get there, but it’s okay with me if you keep trying all night,” Clancy finally murmured, clutching Abby’s head and drawing it closer.

Abby’s eyes shifted, meeting Clancy’s, and she swirled her tongue around the taut nipple a few more times, not willing to give up her goal. “Why won’t it work?” she mumbled, her mouth full of the swollen flesh.

“The collar is pretty snug, and it really pumps the nipple up.” Clancy’s hand was in her partner’s hair, urging her on, and with each particularly firm suck, she let out a little gasp, making her words hard to follow.

The dogs had been very patient with them so far, but they’d finally reached their limit. Athena marched over to the door and let out an outraged bark, glaring at both of the groping women. “Somebody’s been ignored too long,” Clancy decided, patting Abby’s head. “Come on, let’s take care of them and then go upstairs. Alone,” she said, eyes twinkling.

***

Abby joined her partner in bed and cuddled up close. As usual, her hand immediately went to the jeweled nipple. “You really do like this, don’t you?” Clancy asked, smiling at her.

“Yeah. I’m not even sure why. Maybe because it’s so different.” She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Who knows? Maybe I have a latent nipple fetish that I never knew about.” She leaned over and licked both breasts like they were pink ice cream cones. “Will didn’t like to have his nipples played with.” She stilled abruptly and looked up at Clancy with chagrin. “I’m sorry for saying that. I’m sure you don’t want to hear things like that.”

Clancy grasped her chin and tilted it up. “Of course I do. I’m interested in everything about you, Abby. You know that by now, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do, but …”

“But nothing. If some little thought or reflection occurs to you, and you want to share it — I want to hear it. I really love the fact that you and Will had a good sex life, and I want to know anything that you particularly liked — so I can do it, too — or didn’t like — so I can avoid it.”

“You really don’t mind?” she asked again. “It felt a little like I was comparing you to him, and I don’t want you to think that.”

Clancy smiled. “I don’t mind being compared — as long as I don’t suffer in the comparison.”

“You don’t,” Abby murmured. “You can hold your own against any opponent.” She traced the ring with the tip of her finger and asked, “Tell me about this.”

“This particular piece of jewelry? Or the piercing?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Clancy said. “I take it you wanna know why I had it done — things like that?”

“Yeah. Did you just do it because everyone else was doing it?”

“Mmm … no. That’s kinda why I got the tattoo, but not the piercing. Well, that’s not entirely true, since the tattoo means a lot to me — but I wouldn’t have gotten it if it hadn’t become popular. I mean, if the only people with tattoos were old guys who’d been in the Navy, I’m sure I wouldn’t have done it.”

Abby laughed at her explanation, her curious finger still circling the tiny gold ring.

“I have, as you might have noticed, very sensitive nipples,” Clancy purred sexily. “I was dating Julie at the time, and she had both of hers done. It turned me on so much to see the look on her face when I played with her jewelry — that I decided to have my own done.”

“Didn’t it hurt horribly?” Abby’s face twitched into a sympathetic grimace.

“No. I told Hayley it did, though,” she said. “But that was just to put her off.”

“Hayley? Why were you discussing this with Hayley?”

Clancy patted her softly, saying, “I didn’t bring it up, honey. I had the heavy ring in when we went swimming. She said she was thinking of having something pierced, and she asked how much it hurt.”

“Oh, God,” Abby sighed. “I’ve got to cut her allowance.” She started to chuckle, shaking her head. “Lord knows what she’ll look like by the time she’s through her rebellious phase.”

“Hey, I wasn’t in a rebellious phase,” Clancy said. “Well, maybe just a tiny bit.”

“Tell me about having it done,” Abby said. “I can’t believe it didn’t hurt.”

“Mmm … actually, it felt like it does when someone bites you just a little too hard. It only lasted for a second or two — not bad at all. It throbbed a bit for a day or so, and it was tender for a while — just like any healing wound. The worst part was that after about a week, I wanted to play with it, because I was really aware of it — but it wasn’t healed yet. Kinda drove me nuts. It was like having an itch you couldn’t scratch.”

“But now you’re really happy with it?”

“Very. I’m planning on having the other one done, too, but I should have had it done earlier in the year.”

“Why didn’t you have them both done at once?” Abby asked.

“You can’t play roughly with them until they’re fully healed,” Clancy informed her. “That took a few months for me.” She grinned at Abby for a minute, but Abby didn’t understand her point. “I didn’t want to have both of them out of commission,” she explained. “I honestly don’t know if I would enjoy sex as much if my partner couldn’t play with my nipples. It was hard ignoring my little pal for all of those months.” She patted her nipple fondly, cracking Abby up.

“What does it feel like now?” Abby asked, her curiosity unabated.

“Generally, I don’t notice it. I mean, if I concentrate, I can feel the weight difference when I have the heavy ring in, but it’s mostly not noticeable. It’s during sex that I love it,” she purred. “I like to have my nipples tugged on really hard, and having the heavy ring in provides an excellent handle.”

“I know,” Abby said. “I love your little handle. I guess I assumed it was permanent, though. I had no idea you could change it out.”

“Oh, yeah. I have a lot of jewelry. Actually, nipple jewelry was the only gift that Julie ever gave me. I have quite a collection.”

“I wanna see it all,” Abby growled, giving the adorned bud a rough suck.

“Oh, you will. You’ll see it and nibble on it all.” She reached down and pressed against one side of the ring that encircled her nipple. A catch gave way, and she could lift the ring off. “This one is cool. It’s really invisible — except for the fact that it makes my nipple as hard as a rock.”

“I thought it was just your flesh that kept it in place,” Abby said. “I didn’t realize there was a little bar that went through your piercing.”

“Yeah. Cool, huh?”

“Can you leave it out for tonight?” Abby asked, tweaking the ripe-looking berry with the tip of her finger. “I want you all natural.”

“Anything for you.”

“You like them treated roughly, huh?” the older woman asked with a gleam in her eyes.

“Very,” Clancy breathed. “I like my nipples to get a real workout, but I need tender, loving care down below.”

With a rakish grin, Abby bent to her task, giving Clancy a confident look just before her lips latched on. “I can do that. With pleasure.”

***

They lay in a tangled mess of sheets, their moist skin forcing them to nearly have to peel apart when one of them moved. “You certainly do know how to follow instructions,” Clancy said. “My nipples are throbbing!”

Abby was up on one arm immediately, searching Clancy’s face. “I hurt you?”

“Good hurt,” Clancy soothed, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “Very good hurt.” Abby lay back down and snuggled close. “You seemed to enjoy torturing me a little, babe.”

“Mmm … I did. Maybe I’ve been hiding a sadistic streak, too. God knows what else I’ll find out about myself.”

“You okay with this?” Clancy asked softly while she ran a hand along Abby’s spine.

“Yeah … yeah … It’s just funny learning how to love a woman. Like I’ve said before, the sensations are really different — and the feelings I get are really different. Both experiences are great — they’re just very, very different. It’s like going out for some great sushi one night and then having some fantastic Italian dish the next. I love ’em both — but they’re hardly in the same category.”

“Which am I?” Clancy chuckled. “Sushi or Italian?”

Abby smiled and said, “Not to revert to a stereotype, but you’re definitely the sushi. A little exotic, but clean and fresh-tasting with a delightful aftertaste.” She licked her lips and let her mouth twitch into an even wider smile. “A very delightful aftertaste.”

“I’ve never been with a man,” Clancy said. She nuzzled her head between Abby’s breasts and licked at the soft skin. “How’s it different?”

“Well, this is a limited sample you understand. Will was my only real partner.”

Clancy sat up and looked at her in surprise. “You were a virgin when you married?”

“God, no!” Abby laughed. “We had sex before we married, and I played around a lot in high school and college. I didn’t have intercourse before Will — but that’s the only thing I didn’t do.”

“Why not? Guilt? Worried about pregnancy?”

 Abby shook her head. “No. Neither, actually. It was a purely selfish decision.”

At Clancy’s puzzled look, she explained, “As I’ve mentioned, I have a very cool mother. She started talking to me about sex — in great detail — when I was around eleven or twelve.”

Chuckling softly, Clancy said, “I’m still waiting for that talk with my mom. Maybe she’ll do it on my thirtieth birthday.”

“Oh, give her a break,” Abby said. “It’s a hard thing to do, and many moms opt out of it.”

Clancy nodded agreeably. “In her defense, I think she was waiting until I expressed an interest in boys. I think she was afraid of talking to me before I was ready.”

“Well, my mom was very proactive. We talked about it really casually — just a little bit at a time, and she did it very conversationally — usually using herself as an example.”

“Like how?” Clancy asked.

“Oh, she’d tell me about a boyfriend she’d had when she was young and talk about how he always pressured her to go farther than she really wanted to. Over time I got the correct impression that a lot of boys would want to have sex with me and that sex wouldn’t necessarily mean the same to them as it did to me. She told me that you had to train a boy to please you — and that it took a long time. Her main point was that I shouldn’t let a boy touch me just because he wanted to. She’s a firm believer in women claiming their own sexual pleasure — and she believes that the only way to do that is to force men to meet your needs.”

“And that made you decide to wait?”

“No,” Abby smiled. “I didn’t decide to wait. I’d let anyone who I was interested in touch me, but I wouldn’t let him go any further if he didn’t show a definite interest in pleasing me. It amazed me how many guys would stick their hands into my pants for two seconds, and then try to shove my head into their laps. No way!” She shared a laugh with Clancy and added, “Over time I saw that my mom was totally right. Most of the guys weren’t interested in making love, they were interested in getting off. And there was no way I was going to merely be a semen receptacle. Not me!”

“Were these guys insane? All they had to do was spend a little time making sure you got off, and they couldn’t do it?”

Abby chuckled softly. “I didn’t tell them the entrance requirement, Clancy. I waited to see if they were naturally interested. I assume that older guys would have been more sensitive — but eighteen-year-old guys are totally focused on their penises — at least in my experience.”

“But Will was different,” Clancy guessed.

“Oh, yes. We slept together on our second date,” Abby said, chuckling softly. “He was twenty-eight years old and had a lot of experience. He had me so hot on our first date that I would have done it right then, but I didn’t want him to think I was too loose.”

“And you liked it right from the start?”

“I did. I was a little nervous, but he was so patient and gentle with me — I told him that I’d never had intercourse, and he spent an incredibly long time making sure I was ready. I was so glad that I’d waited for a good lover,” she sighed. “He was funny about sex. Well, he was just plain funny,” she amended. “But he honestly thought that one of his jobs was to make me love sex as much as he did. He was a very practical guy, and he reasoned that if I liked sex, I’d want to have it often. And if we had it often, it wouldn’t be hard to stay monogamous.” She grinned at Clancy and said, “I think he was a little afraid that it would be hard to be with just one woman for the rest of his life.” Her smile grew wider and turned a little wistful when she added, “It wasn’t. I’m absolutely certain that he was always faithful to me.” She laughed softly and said, “I made sure he got what he needed, so he’d never have the temptation to cheat on me.”

“So … how is it different?” Clancy asked, her curiosity still piqued.

Abby thought for a minute and said, “Well, most of it is the same, really. He played with my entire body — just like you do. His whiskers irritated my skin sometimes, but generally the foreplay was the same. The main difference is intercourse. I loved to be filled up by his body — it’s hard to describe, but it’s such a feeling of connectedness, Clancy. You can feel a man throbbing inside of you when he comes — I really loved it.”

“Is it very different from the feeling you get when my fingers are inside of you?”

“Yes, it is different. Not better or worse — just different. As I say, I loved feeling Will inside of me, but I love the way you touch me, too. Your fingers are more flexible than his penis was, and they can touch different parts of me. God, Clancy, when you put your finger just inside and rub my G-spot, I nearly see stars!”

Clancy gave her a kiss and added a tickle between her legs. “You look like you’re seeing stars,” she murmured. “It nearly makes me come to see the look on your face.”

“That’s part of the difference!” Abby said, Clancy’s comments bringing another detail to mind. “Seeing the look on your lover’s face when he comes while he’s inside of you is part of the difference between making love to a man versus a woman. It’s very bonding, very intimate. There’s a built in tension there, too — you never know when the man’s going to come, and sometimes you’re racing the clock, trying to get there first,” she said. “So it’s great to feel him inside of you — great to know he’s feeling such pleasure, too — but not so great when he comes a minute or two before you do — and you just lose it. That’s one of the benefits of being with you — I know you’re concentrating on me and that you’re not going to get distracted by your own needs.”

 “It won’t be exactly the same, but we can recreate some of those feelings of being filled up,” Clancy said softly, her voice burring into Abby’s ear.

Abby slid her hand between Clancy’s thighs and whispered, “So, it’s true what they say about lesbians? Do you have a nice big dildo just waiting for me?”

“I’ve got more than one,” Clancy said, winking rakishly. “And I think you’d enjoy the experience.”

“You know my motto,” Abby reminded her. “Don’t say no until you’ve at least tried it.”

Clancy grinned toothily. “That’s the best motto I think I’ve ever heard.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Abby’s alarm went off at 8:00, and she lay in bed for a few minutes, stroking Clancy’s back. She knew her lover was partially awake, but she’d learned that Clancy liked to wake up slowly, and she’d discovered that a soft, light touch helped her greet the day gently.

Leaning over to place a kiss on her shoulder, Abby slipped out of bed, earning twin grumpy looks from the pups. “You can stay right there,” she told them, and as if they understood her words, they laid their heads back down and watched her leave the room. She was blow-drying her hair when Clancy came in with a cup of coffee for her. “How did I ever get by without you here?” Abby asked, cocking her head slightly.

“Search me.” Clancy shrugged and sat on the edge of the tub. “We’ve got to use this whirlpool some time. It looks like fun.”

“It’s a deal. I use it in the winter, but it never occurs to me to use it when it’s warm out.” She looked over at Clancy and changed the subject. “Do you want to go with me?”

“Uhm … where are you going?”

“Didn’t I mention last night that I go to church on Sunday?”

“Noooo … you were begging some higher power for mercy at several points, but I don’t recall any discussion of church.”

“Funny,” Abby said, reaching around to pinch her in a sensitive spot. “Well, I do go, and I’d love to have you go with me.”

“Mmm … what kinda church do you go to?”

“Episcopal. What about you? I assume you’re Catholic?”

“Ohh … going for the stereotype, huh? All Irish people are Catholic, blah, blah, blah.”

“Oh, Lord, did I just say that? My apologies, Clancy. I’ll rephrase. Do you have a faith?”

“Uh-huh. Catholic,” she teased, sticking her tongue out. Abby tried to grab it, but Clancy evaded her grasping fingers. “Actually,” she said, “I haven’t been to church, except for funerals, since I was in grade school. I think my parents had me baptized just in case.”

“In case?”

“In case all the stuff they learned in school was true,” Clancy said. “They didn’t want my little soul burning in hell because they couldn’t take the time to drag me over to church and have the priest pour water over my head.”

“Well, that was quite thoughtful of them,” Abby said. She went into her closet and emerged with a muted, summery, plaid sundress. Clancy buttoned the dozens of small, covered buttons and smoothed it out.

“Mmm … you look nice. I love the way you look in dresses.”

“Thanks,” Abby said, kissing her nose. “I like to wear dresses. Always have." She ran her hand down Clancy's bare body. "Sure you don’t want to come? I don't have to leave for about ten minutes.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. I don’t have anything nice to wear, and you’d look all out of place with my grubby little self next to you.”

Abby placed her hands atop Clancy’s shoulders. “You know me well in many ways, but there are some parts of me that you don’t understand at all.” Clancy gave her a puzzled glance, and Abby continued, “I’m not the kind of person who pays much attention to what others think about me or my choice of friends. Secondly, I wouldn’t attend a church that wasn’t filled with open-minded people. Lastly, I happen to think you look adorable in your normal attire, and I wouldn’t dream of asking you to change one thing about it.”

Clancy’s cheeks flushed slightly, and she said, “I get a little insecure sometimes. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Abby said. “Just trust me. I know what’s best for me, and I don’t need for you to spend a moment trying to second guess me.”

Clancy wrapped her arms around her partner. “This is why I always wanted an older lover,” she sighed. “Self-assured women are such a turn on.”

***

Clancy was in her room, rooting through a velvet bag where she kept her jewelry when Michael strolled in. He gave her a start, and she jumped noticeably when he said, “Looking for something for a special occasion?”

“Very funny.” She had placed each of her nipple rings and shields in a line on her dresser, and she shrugged her shoulders and dumped everything else out of the bag. Slipping the rings back in, she sniffed and said, “Abby wants to see my collection.”

“Ohh … I thought that you missed me so much, you just had to come see me. Little did I know you just missed your nipple rings.”

“I miss you loads,” Clancy said. “As a matter of fact, Abby and I would love to have you come over. How about today? We could have brunch when she gets back from church.”

“A church-goer who doesn’t like to talk about her feelings? I still don't see what you two have in common!”

“There's more to life than talkin', Mikey. Lots more!"

***

Michael let himself be persuaded, and when Abby got home, he was frolicking in the pool with the dogs. Clancy had issued the challenge, and he was failing miserably in his quest to get each of them onto her own pool float, while Clancy stood in the kitchen, laughing her ass off as she cleaned some strawberries.

“This is a happy little domestic scene,” Abby said when she came up behind Clancy and wrapped her in her arms. “To the casual observer, this is the handsome young professional and his beautiful, sexy, young wife, relaxing around the pool on a sunny summer day.”

Clancy turned in her embrace and said, “The more interesting story is that the young wife is carrying on a steamy, torrid romance with the gorgeous, slightly older woman who just snuck in the back door. The hard part is going to be how the young wife manages to get her sexy mistress naked so she can have her way with her before the husband knows anything is up.” She bent and dipped her hand under the hem of Abby’s dress, letting it slide up the cool expanse of bare thigh. When her fingers grazed the silky panties, Abby purred softly and let her thighs drift apart. “Ooh … maybe she doesn’t have to get her naked. The mistress can stand at the sink, acting like she’s cleaning strawberries, while the wife sinks to her knees and pleasures her until her legs give out.” Clancy started to drop to her knees, but Abby grabbed her by the shoulders and tugged her back to her feet. “Don’t even think about it, you little devil. I’m not going to have my first extended encounter with your best friend include a viewing of my private parts.”

“He wouldn’t mind — guaranteed,” Clancy said. “I think that’s half of the reason he wanted to live with me. He thought he’d get a few peeks of girl on girl action.”

“He hasn't, has he?” Abby asked, suddenly feeling a little jealous to think of Clancy with another woman.

“We've been over this, sweetheart. He's never seen me kiss another woman. I'm not that kinda girl.”

Abby held her index finger and thumb an inch apart. "Tiny little bit of insecurity snuck out. I'll behave." She gave Clancy a long, lingering kiss. “That's for going to the store. I appreciate it.”

“I’ll go every hour on the hour for a kiss like that,” the younger woman breathed huskily.

***

After giving Michael a few tips that didn’t help him in the least, Abby left him to his dog-wrangling and went to change into a swimsuit. She came back in casual shorts and a roomy tank top and started to help Clancy.

“No, no,” she said. “I’m going to make brunch. I want you to go play with Michael and the dogs. I want you to get to know each other a little without my hovering over you.”

Abby smiled and nodded, and just before she got to the door, she came back and put her hand on Clancy’s cheek. “How should we act around him? Is it okay if we’re just natural?”

“Within the limits of decency, yes,” Clancy said. “He’s family, Abby. I have almost no secrets from Michael.”

“Okay. I’ve got my marching orders.” Another sweet kiss and she was off, leaving Clancy to gaze lovingly at her departing form.

***

Late that night, while they lay in bed with a soft breeze floating into the room, Clancy reflected on their day. “I could spend every Sunday just like that.”

“It was nice, wasn’t it? I really like Michael. It’s nice to see that you have someone you’re that close to.”

“We were both only children, and for some reason, we just adopted each other as family. I know we’ll be friends for the rest of our lives.”

“Oh, when you were outside, Maria called and asked if we’d like to go to her house for dinner on Wednesday. Any interest?”

“Our friends are coming out of the woodwork, aren’t they? I assume Maria and Pam want to see if I pass inspection?”

“Maybe,” Abby said. “Or they might just want to get a look at the kind of woman I’m attracted to. I’m sure they find this all quite puzzling.”

“Sure. I’m happy to go if you want to.”

“That wasn’t a very enthusiastic response,” Abby said. “Wanna skip it?”

“No. Not at all. They’re your friends, Abby, and I want to meet them. I just have a feeling I’ll be under a microscope, and that makes me a little uncomfortable. I mean, will I have anything in common with them?”

“One thing,” she said, grinning. “They like chicks.”

“That should carry us through five minutes of conversation. So, you two eat pussy, huh? It’s great, isn’t it?”

“Clancy! I’m certain that neither Pam nor Maria refers to it as eating pussy!” she said with a visible grimace.

“See? We don’t even have vulgarity in common.”

“Oh, you’ll like them just fine. They’re actually two of my most interesting friends.”

“What do they do?”

“Maria’s a psychiatrist. She works in the chemical dependency unit at Huntington Memorial. Pam's a techie. She works in the IT department at the Jet Propulsion Lab.”

"Wow," Clancy said, her voice flat. “Do they have a garden? Houseplants?”

Abby took her question at face value, finally saying, “No. Neither is very domestic. They have a daughter, Alyssa, and they spend all of their spare time with her. They’re really busy women, not much time for hobbies.” Furrowing her brow, she said, “Oh, they do really like the theater, and they go to the opera as often as they can.”

“Opera, huh?” Clancy asked. “The only opera I’ve ever seen was when Bugs Bunny and Sylvester did The Barber of Seville. And I’ve never been to a play in my life.”

“Oh, Clancy, that doesn’t matter. They want to get to know you, not judge you.”

“I know, I know,” the landscaper said. “Uhm … how old is their daughter?”

“She just turned seven,” Abby said. “She’s a great kid. Extremely gifted though. They have their hands full trying to keep her stimulated in school. She goes to a school for gifted children, and she’s already reading at the fifth grade level.”

Oh, boy! Clancy groused to herself. Maybe they’ll have a mentally challenged dog I can bond with.

***

Clancy poked her head into the house on Wednesday afternoon and called out, “Abby?”

“I’m in the den.”

She brushed off her shoes and entered the kitchen, pausing to pet the dogs for a moment. “Hi,” she said when she spotted Abby dusting the room. “I’m gonna be gone for a while. If anything comes up, just page me, okay?”

“Okay,” Abby said. “Gimme a kiss goodbye.”

As Clancy walked to her truck, she mused, It’s great that she doesn’t keep a tight watch on me. She knows I’m a professional, and she lets me go about my business without trying to get involved. Damn, I’d still be with Julie if she could have just given me a little space. She hopped into the truck and thought, I’m damned glad Julie wasn’t able to be what I wanted, ‘cause Abby’s the real deal.

***

At 6:30 Abby went downstairs to find Clancy touching up a pair of black crepe slacks with a cool iron. “Nice,” she said, fingering the fabric. “I knew you had a few pieces of dress-up clothes hidden in your closet.”

No, I don’t, Clancy thought, but the department store did. I just hope I got all the tags off.

“Would you like to walk?” Abby asked. “It’s barely a mile away.”

“Sure. I’d really like to. When do we have to be there?”

“Seven o’clock. We can make it easily if you’re ready soon.”

“I’m almost done,” Clancy said, grabbing her slacks and heading upstairs.

Mere moments later, she was back, looking very dapper in a pale green print silk blouse, her tailored slacks, and a pair of very shiny black loafers. “You look luscious,” Abby said, taking her in her arms. “I don’t see it often, but that shade makes your eyes look green.”

“They were green when I was younger,” Clancy said. “They’ve slowly turned gray, but certain colors do bring a little color back to ‘em.”

“Such nice, shiny shoes,” Abby continued. “You keep them well-polished.”

“Oh. They’re pretty new,” she said. Three hours is pretty new, isn’t it?

“Well, you look lovely,” Abby said once again. “Shall we?”

“Let’s do it.”

They walked down the tree-lined, residential streets of Pasadena, a nice, cool breeze blowing their hair around. “This is such a wonderful neighborhood,” Clancy said. “The houses are fantastic, and the lots are all so big. That makes such a difference.”

“It is nice,” Abby agreed. “It’s a fairly friendly place, too. You get to recognize people when you walk dogs, you know.”

“I’d guess that’s so. Maybe we should take the girls out for walks in the evening. I know they’re unhappy being cooped up in the house all day.”

Abby impulsively leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I admire a lot of things about you, Clancy, but one of the sweetest things about you is your thoughtfulness. You work hard all day, but you’re still willing to walk with the dogs because you think they might need it.”

“Nobody likes to have her routine upset, Abby. Doggies have a schedule they try to keep, too.”

Looking at the sweet, playful look on her face, Abby couldn’t help but reach over and grasp Clancy’s arm, placing both hands around her bicep and holding it close to her body. Clancy was pleased that Abby didn’t have a problem with being affectionate in public, but a few minutes later, her whole body stiffened when an older couple, walking a dog, approached. She tried to mentally telegraph Abby to let go because she didn’t want her lover to experience the shock of getting a dirty look for their public display of affection. Much to her surprise, not only did they not get a dirty look — the couple practically beamed at them. Damn, Abby lives in a very liberal neighborhood, she thought. Then reality hit her. They thought she was my mother! That’s the only reason for them to give us that encouraging look! They thought it was sweet that I was helping dear old mom down the street! She cast a quick glance at Abby, who chatted away, oblivious to the thoughts running through Clancy’s mind. This is going to take some getting used to — but if it gets us a free pass for PDAs, I’m pumped!

***

They walked down Orange Grove Avenue with Clancy waxing rhapsodic over the stately mansions and elegant apartment buildings. Abby took in the pleasant sound of Clancy’s enthusiastic voice, not saying much herself — merely reveling in the state of deep satisfaction she felt from having someone she cared for holding her hand as they walked down the street. Pam and Maria lived in one of a series of town homes, tucked away down a long, mostly hidden drive. After they were buzzed in, Clancy noted with some displeasure that there was no chance for a garden, since all of the town homes were connected — with no outdoor space for grass or flowers. Alyssa came to the door and threw her arms around Abby, hugging her soundly before she stepped back to greet Clancy. “Alyssa, this is my friend, Clancy O’Connor. Clancy, this little beauty is Alyssa.”

“Good to meet you, Alyssa,” Clancy said.

The young girl looked at her critically for a minute and furrowed her brow, her quick mind processing all of the information that her dark eyes took in. “Are you Abby’s friend or Hayley’s friend?”

Mentally rolling her eyes, Clancy smiled stiffly and said, “Abby’s. Definitely Abby’s. I don’t know Hayley well at all.”

The girl made a face and scrunched her eyes up, obviously not buying it. “You look like Hayley’s friend, ‘cause you look like a kid.”

To Clancy’s surprise, Abby seemed to find this funny, and she graciously agreed with the child. “She does look like someone Hayley would pal around with, doesn’t she, Alyssa? But she’s all mine. Hayley has to get her own friends.”

More truth there than I’m comfortable admitting, Clancy decided.

Just then one of the adults came out of the kitchen, and she stopped so abruptly upon seeing Clancy that when the other woman came out behind her, she plowed right into her. “This is Abby’s friend,” Alyssa announced. “She looks like Hayley’s friend, but she’s not.”

Pam slapped her forehead, wishing once again that their child would keep her many opinions to herself, then walked into the room and gave both women a seriously sheepish look. “I’m so sorry for the always pithy commentary that our beloved Alyssa provides. I’m Pam Swenson,” she said, extending her hand, “and this is my partner, Maria Messina.”

“Clancy O’Connor,” the younger woman replied, shaking each hand while feeling more like a fish out of water than she could ever remember.

Abby hugged each woman and waved off Alyssa’s comments good-naturedly. “Alyssa’s good at keeping us all honest. I think it’s refreshing.” She turned to the child and said, “Clancy's younger than I am, but I really like her. We’ve been going out with each other, and I hope that you like her, too, because I want to keep her around for a while.”

Dark eyes grew even darker, and her mouth curled into a pout. “You don’t go out with girls. You like boys.”

“Alyssa!” Maria whispered harshly. “Knock it off!”

“What?” she asked, perplexed. “Abby was married to Will! She likes boys!”

Abby crouched down so she was on the same plane as the child. “I do like boys, Alyssa, but I’m finding out that I like girls, too. I like Clancy a lot, and I think you will, too, when you get to know her.” The child looked doubtful, but she smiled when Abby tickled under her chin. “Now, show me this big science project you’re working on,” she said, and the little girl took her hand, tugging her towards her room.

Clancy was rocking back and forth on her heels, wishing that her new pants had pockets so she’d have something to do with her hands.

Maria reached out, clasped her shoulder and said, “I'm so sorry about that! She says whatever comes to mind.”

“We’re gonna get that a lot,” Clancy said. “We may as well get used to it.”

“Come on in and let me get you a drink,” Pam offered. “Wine okay?”

I’d rather have a beer, Clancy thought, but decided to try to go with the flow. “Sure. Wine is fine.”

They led her into the living room and the three of them sat down and tried to make conversation. Clancy looked around, finding it hard to make and keep eye contact. The room was beautifully decorated. So beautifully laid out that Clancy was certain the women had hired someone to do it for them. It wasn’t very kid-friendly, and she decided that Alyssa must not be allowed to use the place without supervision. “Abby tells us that you’re working on that big project at her house,” Pam began. “We haven’t been over since you started. How’s it coming?”

“Good,” Clancy said. “It’s a big job, but it’s on track.”

“It sounds really interesting,” Maria said. “Abby is so complimentary about your skills … uhm … your talent. Have you always liked working with your hands?” She heard the words leave her mouth and cringed noticeably. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her partner briefly cover her face with her hand.

Alyssa and Abby came back, saving Maria from further embarrassment, and she got up to get Abby a glass of wine. “You’re a landscape architect, right?” Pam asked.

“Yeah, I am. I have my own business. I’m just starting out — but I love it.”

“Will was a lawyer,” Alyssa said, narrowing her eyes at Clancy yet again. “Isn’t that better than being a land … whatever?”

“Alyssa!” This time it was Pam who tried to keep the child in line. “Honey, you don’t even remember Will. You were just two when he died. Now, come on, you’re making Clancy uncomfortable.”

“That’s okay,” Clancy said, smiling at the mortified woman. She looked at the little girl and said, “You have to go to school longer to be a lawyer, and most people would say being a lawyer is better. But I like what I do, Alyssa. And I think that's important, too.”

“My moms like what they do. Mom's a doctor,” she said, raising a challenging eyebrow, "and Mama's a …" She looked at Pam, her face scrunched up in confusion. "Mama does computer something. It's hard," she added emphatically.

“I had a heck of a time getting through college,” Clancy said. “I could never do well enough in school to be a doctor or a computer something.” She looked at the child for a moment and said, “Some people do really well in school, and others don’t. What’s important is finding what you like and having the guts to stick with it — even if it’s not what other people think is cool.”

The child appeared to consider this for a minute, then looked at Clancy speculatively. “What’s it called again? Land what?”

“Landscape architecture,” she said. “I deal with everything outside of a house … like trees and plants and walls and putting in sprinkler systems.”

Alyssa nodded quickly, urging Clancy to finish her description, then asked, “Did you say plants?”

“Yeah. I know a lot about plants. Do you like plants?”

“No,” she said immediately, making a face. “But I have a science project where I have to germinate seeds. Wanna see?”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Clancy said.

Alyssa walked over to Clancy and took her hand. “Let’s go,” she said, sounding like the conductor on a train. Clancy met Abby’s encouraging look with an agreeable shrug of her shoulders, then she let the child drag her through the house.

“This is my room,” she announced, walking over to a neatly laid out worktable. “This is the project.” Clancy observed the well-marked terra cotta pots, showing every part of the life cycle of grass seed. “This is pretty cool, Alyssa,” she said. The little girl was now sitting on her bed, staring at Clancy with those dark, penetrating eyes. “Abby likes boys. You're not a boy. Why is she going out with you?”

“Uhm … maybe you’d better ask her that,” Clancy said, sitting down on the pint-sized desk chair. “Does it bother you that she’s dating me?”

“No,” she said flatly, refusing to meet Clancy’s eyes.

“Okay.” She fidgeted for a moment, feeling the dark, beady eyes still glaring at her. Deciding not to let a seven-year-old get the better of her, Clancy said, “Hey, let’s play a game where we pretend things, okay?”

“Okay,” the child said warily.

“Let’s pretend that it bothers you that Abby’s dating me. If you had to make up a reason for why it upset you, what would that reason be?”

The little mouth scrunched up in a pout for just a minute before she said, “She likes boys.”

“Uh-huh,” Clancy said patiently. “She still likes boys. She just likes me, too.”

“I like boys,” she said quietly, and Clancy nodded in empathy.

“Do you think that means that you might like girls someday?”

“I don’t,” she said defiantly, her voice rising. “I like boys.”

“That's cool,” Clancy said. “I only like girls.”

“Only girls?” The dark eyes narrowed.

“Yep. I only like girls. Ever since I was your age.”

“My moms both liked boys when they were little,” she said thoughtfully. “But they only like girls now.”

“Everybody’s different, Alyssa,” Clancy said. “You can like whoever you like."

"Whomever," the child interrupted.

Clancy blinked, then blew out a breath. Thank God this isn't Abby's kid. I don't think I could take it. "Okay. You can like whomever you like. It doesn’t matter what Abby does, or what your moms did when they were little. It only matters that you do what you like.”

“Kinda like you and land stuff, huh?”

“Yep. Kinda like me and land stuff.”

Nodding, Alyssa got up and went to the door. “We’re done.” She turned and waited patiently for Clancy to join her, then tucked her small hand into Clancy’s and led her back to the party.

***

On the way home that night, Abby wrapped an arm around Clancy and said, “Alyssa’s a little pistol, isn’t she?”

Clancy chuckled evilly. “Little does she know that the trenches I’ve dug in your yard are exactly the right size for her. Her mothers would probably thank me if she mysteriously disappeared.”

With an outraged squawk, Abby slapped at her sharply. “Don’t even joke about that!”

Clancy grabbed her hands and playfully nuzzled into her neck. “You know I’m kidding,” she said. “We got a few things ironed out when we were in her room.”

“Such as?”

“It seems she was worried about your starting to like girls,” Clancy said. “You were the only person who was just like she was — and then you had to go screw it up.”

Abby stopped dead in her tracks. “What?”

Clancy smiled and patted her affectionately. “No big deal. It sounds like she related to you because you liked boys — consistently. She says that her moms used to like boys, but they switched … and now you’re switching …” Clancy said, twirling her finger to indicate a pattern.

“Oh, my God! She’s worried that she might be gay, too!”

“Apparently,” Clancy agreed. “She seemed to like me better when I convinced her that I’ve always been oriented in the same way.”

“Oh, I have to call Maria and tell her this,” Abby sighed. “Alyssa’s been having a hard time lately. It’s really hitting her that she’s different — because she has two moms. She’s treated well at school and all, but it seems like she’s struggling to work this all out in her head. She’s also upset that she doesn’t have a dad,” Abby said. “They chose to have her via an anonymous donor, and that’s a hard concept for a seven-year-old to grasp. I know they’ll help her get comfortable with that over time, but she’s having a tough time now.” She grasped Clancy’s arm tighter and said, “Thanks for helping with her. None of us got that out of her — but you did.”

“I like kids,” Clancy said agreeably. “Even when they don’t like me.”

“Oh, she liked you just fine. She didn’t ask me to her room to listen to her new CD.”

“Yeah. Lucky me,” Clancy said. “I’m not even sure who the group was, but it’s not on my list of ‘must haves.'"

Abby released her arm and clasped her hand. “Thanks for putting up with so much tonight. I owe you.”

“Nah. You suffered through my family’s grilling. Let’s call it even.”

“It’s a deal,” Abby said, leaning over to place a soft kiss on Clancy’s cheek. “I’m glad that I like girls,” she whispered. “And I’m particularly glad that you’re the girl I like.”

***

Once Alyssa was in bed, Pam and Maria could talk without fear of being overheard. Maria had organized and purchased dinner, so Pam was in charge of cleaning up. Maria jumped up to sit on the counter, swinging her legs. "The only landscape architecture degree program around here is at Cal Poly. I looked it up when I put Alyssa to bed. Now, Clancy said she's only had her license for two years –"

Pam raised an eyebrow. "When did you question her, detective?"

Maria stuck her tongue out. "I snuck a question or two in every time I caught her attention. Abby hasn't told us shit! If she's not talking, I've got to figure things out for myself!"

"Well, we didn't ask her any direct questions, Maria. It's not like she pled the fifth."

"You know Abby plays her cards close to the vest. She wouldn't like for us to ask questions. I don't have any choice!"

Pam smiled at her partner. "Okay. What did you deduce?"

"That kid can't be more than twenty-four! Trevor's gonna be twenty-four this year! What in the hell is Abby thinking?"

Pam's eyes had grown wide. "Are you sure she's that young? Jesus!"

"She looks younger than that! I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt!"

"Good lord." Pam walked over to her lover and put her hands on her knees. "She must be … I don't have any idea what she must be doing! Women don't do this!"

"I know! Women don't get trophy wives! Especially when they have to switch sexual orientation to get one!"

"I'm completely dumbstruck," Pam said. "I would never have believed Abby would do something like this. She's the most reasonable, logical, steady, predictable person I've ever known."

Maria nodded her agreement. "But she does seem happy. Happier than she's been since Will died."

Pam laughed heartily. "I'd be happy if I had a twenty-four-year-old …" She stopped herself short, trying desperately to think of an acceptable ending for her sentence.

Maria reached around and slapped her on the butt. "I'm in a good mood. I'll let that one pass."

Dropping her head onto her lover's shoulder, Pam said, "I'd be happy if we had a twenty-four-year old daughter. That would mean we'd been together all of our adult lives. Wouldn't that be wonderful?"

Maria wrapped her in a hug. "Given what you had to work with, that was excellent. Truly excellent!"

***

On Saturday morning, Abby got out of bed reluctantly, gazing down at Clancy with palpable longing. Why didn’t I cancel the match for today? Hayley’s coming home tomorrow, and this is our last morning to be able to lie in bed and play. She sighed heavily and went into her room to get ready. Like clockwork, Clancy appeared moments after Abby emerged from the shower, coffee in hand. “Hi,” she yawned sleepily.

“Hi, yourself.” Abby pressed her damp body against Clancy and held her tight. She felt the emotion start to fill her chest and gave her a rough squeeze. “Don’t want to get you all wet.”

“I don’t mind a bit,” Clancy said. She sat down on the edge of the tub. “Wish you could stay home this morning.”

“I was just kicking myself for not canceling,” she said. “I let the week get away from me.”

“It’s okay. We’ll … have more time together … when Hayley goes back to school if nothing else.”

Trying to stop her stomach from doing flips at the thought of not being together for over a month, Abby patted her gently and said, “Sure we will. Now, I want you to go back to bed. You worked like a dog this week, and the weekend is the only time you have to recover.”

“I did work hard. It really saps my strength when I have to help as much as I did.” She grinned up at Abby and said, “I desperately want this client to be satisfied. She’s really special.”

“So are you.” Abby kissed her lightly and ordered, “Back to bed. And don’t get up until you’re well rested, okay?”

“No argument,” Clancy said, shuffling back in the direction of the guest room.

“Clancy?” Abby said softly.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll miss you.” Clancy had a feeling she didn’t just mean over the next few hours. She gave her a warm smile, her sadness bleeding through it, and went back to bed.

***

When Abby came home, Clancy was still dead to the world. The dogs barely looked up when she walked past, so Abby went into her room to drop off her things and change. When she was done, she stood in the doorway of the guestroom, her heart feeling like it would explode from the feelings she was struggling with.

Clancy was lying on her back, one leg drawn up. Athena was lying between her legs, her dark head on Clancy’s raised thigh. Artemis was plastered along Clancy’s body, her head on a muscular shoulder, Clancy’s hand resting on the dog’s chest. They looked so content and peaceful that Abby was loath to join them and break the mood. But their time together was short, and she couldn’t resist the pull of the always-welcoming body. As she drew closer, Athena opened one dark chocolate eye and gave her the doggie version of a scowl. God, she loves Clancy. I don’t know how it happened so quickly, but she’s bonded with her totally. She felt tears start to roll down her cheeks, and with a blinding flash of realization, she thought, I love her, too. I don’t know why it happened. I’m not sure how it happened. I don’t know when it happened, but I love her with all my heart.

With an unhappy grunt, Athena pulled away when Abby got into bed, and as soon as the dog hit the ground, Artemis was with her. They bracketed the bed, and settled down for another nap — hoping for one that the humans didn’t ruin.

Instinctively, Clancy wrapped her half-sleeping body around Abby, and the older woman was struck by how much the sensation reminded her of cuddling Hayley when she was a young child. Clancy was very slow to wake, and her heavy limbs draped across Abby’s body while she crawled towards sentience. The blonde head rested on her chest, and Abby gently stroked her, urging her back to sleep. She had learned exactly how much sensation woke her and how much calmed her, and she decided that she wanted to hold her in her sleep for a while. After a few minutes, Clancy’s breathing evened out, and her body grew even heavier. That was exactly the sensation that Abby sought — she wanted the full, heavy weight of Clancy’s body atop hers. She desperately wanted to experience the very physicality of her — to feel her bones and muscles and flesh compressing her own. She had the irrational thought that as long as they stayed just like this, Clancy would never have to leave — that they could be together without interference from anyone on earth. But even as she had the thought, she knew it was folly. Hayley would be home the next day, and Clancy would go back to her apartment — for how long, neither knew.

“I love you,” Abby whispered, her eyes closing to hold back the tears. “I love you,” she whispered again, this time a little louder as she kissed the blonde head. “I love you.” Louder still, lips pressing against warm skin. “Clancy, I love you.” Tears were rolling down her face unabated as the words poured from her mouth. “I love you … I love you … I love you.”

Suddenly, warm, moist lips were covering hers, and her tears were being kissed away when she heard the words she’d been hoping, but afraid, to hear. “I love you, Abby. I love you, too.”

In moments they were moving against each other, skin sliding against skin, aided by the wet, warm kisses that rained down from one woman to the other. “I don’t want you to leave,” Abby sobbed, her tears coming in waves.

“I don’t want to leave,” Clancy whispered fiercely. “But we’ll work it out. We’ll be together soon. As long as we love each other, we can get past anything or anyone in our way. I promise you.”

“I can’t lose you, Clancy. I can’t!”

“Shh … shh …” Clancy soothed, kissing her face to whisk away the tears. “You won’t lose me. I’m yours … forever … Abby. I’m yours forever.”

***

It was after 6:00 when Clancy made her way down the stairs on rubbery legs, her body enervated by long hours of nearly ravenous lovemaking. She had never experienced anything that came close to the wild frenzy of sensation they had shared — the passionate joining of two women finally able to declare their love for each other. But her body voiced its demands, and she decided that she needed a form of nourishment more substantial than kisses. She grabbed the box of granola, a bowl, a spoon and a quart of milk and climbed the stairs once again.

Abby was right where she had left her — nearly comatose and spread widthwise across the bed. “Come on, baby,” Clancy urged, nudging her with her hip. “Move up so I can get in.”

With a tortured groan, Abby moved, slowly drawing her body towards the head of the bed.

Clancy poured the cereal, doused it with milk, and alternated bites with Abby, seeing some signs of life come back into her lover when she got a few calories into her.

“Good,” Abby said after they had cleaned the bowl twice.

“More?”

“No. That’s enough for now.” Abby was fully awake, and she leaned against Clancy. “We should do something with the puppies. They’ve been so patient today.”

“It’s nice to know they don’t try to interrupt when we make love,” Clancy mused. “Do you think they know that’s why we close them out sometimes? I can just hear their little doggie conversation. ‘We’d better keep our paws to ourselves when the humans start with all of that mouthing and licking. I don’t know what they’re doing, but I think it’s keeping us on the other side of this door!’”

Abby laughed gently and agreed. “They’re a pretty bright pair. I saw Athena’s head come up to the edge of the bed once when you were howling so pitifully that I’m sure she thought you were breathing your last.”

“I thought I was too, Athena,” Clancy said to the dog. “Your mommy nearly killed me!”

“Let’s take them out before they kill us both,” Abby decided. “We can only push them so far before they turn on us.”

***

They walked up the arroyo, looking across the deep crevasse that cut along the edge of Pasadena. Neither spoke more than was necessary, concentrating on the dogs, trying to keep the leashes from tangling.

They’d gone about a mile when Clancy said, “I think we need to talk about what happened today.”

Sparing a wry glance, the older woman said, “I feel like I’ve said everything I have to say. I love you, I need you, I don’t want you to leave, I don’t know how I could go on if we weren’t able to be together. What else can I add?”

“Come here.” Clancy opened her arms, and Abby gladly fell into her embrace. “It’s okay,” she soothed, feeling like she was on the verge of tears again. “Everything that you said is a given. How do we do it?”

“I don’t have a clue,” Abby said, sighing.

“Sure you do,” Clancy insisted. “I’m sure you’re going over scenarios in your mind.”

“Yeah. And most of them involve Hayley storming out and vowing never to speak to me again.”

“Look. That might happen,” Clancy said, making Abby’s eyes go wide. “But anything like that is temporary. She’s seventeen, Abby, and you admit she’s a drama queen. Her first reaction won't be her final reaction. You’ve got to trust that the love you’ve nurtured for all of these years will pull you through this.”

“I’ll try to remember that.” She gave Clancy’s hand a squeeze and said, “Maria said I should hide this from Hayley and Trevor until I was sure how I felt. But she also said that I should tell them once I’d made up my mind that this was right for me. I think she worries that they’ll feel betrayed if the relationship goes on too long without their knowledge.”

“That makes sense,” Clancy said.

“I’m sure of how I feel. I love you, and I’m willing to risk a great deal to have you in my life. It won’t be easy, but I’m going to tell Hayley as soon as possible. Clancy O’Connor is here to stay.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Clancy packed her clothes up and put them in the truck just after dawn on Monday. Then she took the vehicle out of the garage and parked it on the street. She sat in the truck, drinking a cup of coffee while she waited for her crew to arrive. Even though she was ten feet from Abby's gate, she felt disconnected and alone. She'd felt the same way when she'd woken, and Abby had seemed distant also. She knew they were both trying to handle Hayley's return in their own ways, but she was troubled that they'd both been unable to talk about it.

Abby left the house at 10:00, and Clancy spent a few minutes resting against the handle of her shovel. She was lost in her thoughts and didn't hear Armando ask her about the placement of one of the boulders. He finally touched her shoulder, making her jump. She forced herself to concentrate, and finally managed to block the distractions from her mind.

The crew was sitting on the hill, eating lunch, when the back door opened and Hayley came out with both dogs on leashes, to let them have a bathroom break.

Clancy caught her eye. “Have a good trip?”

“Yeah.  Thanks.  I did,” the younger woman said.  “You’ve done a lot up there.”

“Yep.  We’ve had a good two weeks.  The majority of the plumbing work is done.”

“Well, it doesn't look very good, but I'm sure it will soon," she said, showing a smile that looked strained.

Clancy didn't reply, but she returned the smile. Hayley went back in, and Clancy spent the rest of the afternoon trying to calm her roiling stomach.

Abby didn't come out when the crew finished for the day. Clancy stalled and poked around for five minutes after the others left, then she got in her truck and went home.

She made dinner, then sat on the couch with the television on. She had no idea what program was playing, but the background noise was soothing. At 7:00 the phone rang, and she leapt for it. "Hello?"

"I miss you, and I love you, and I want you sitting right here in the kitchen."

"Sounds so good," Clancy said, hearing the longing in her own voice.

"We'll get there," Abby said, her tone confident enough to make Clancy perk up a little.

"So what's going on over there?"

"We've spent the day talking," Abby said. "Hayley's very upbeat, and that awful mood she was in when she left seems to be over. She seems much more like my baby again."

"That must be a relief," Clancy said. "She seemed normal when she walked the dogs today."

"Yes, she acted like Hayley today."

"So … can we see each other this week?"

"I'll try to figure out a way. I really will. I've been thinking about how to approach this, Clancy, and today I decided I should call my parents. They're both level-headed and my mom is very good at helping me come up with long-term plans." She laughed. "At least she was the last time I asked."

"How long ago was that?"

"Mmm … I think the last time was when I asked for her advice about whether I should get my masters degree right after I graduated from UCLA, or wait for a few years."

"Great," Clancy said, laughing. "Maybe she's been honing her skills since then."

"Well, no matter what, I'm not going to let much time pass. I need to tell the kids so we have time to work through things before Hayley leaves for school."

"That's the best news I've heard all day," Clancy said. "The sooner we start, the sooner we'll be finished."

***

On Tuesday, Clancy spent much of the afternoon bidding on a job in Monrovia. She arrived at Abby's just before the end of the workday, and walked to the back door to see her lover. She paused at the door, smiling to herself when she looked inside. Abby was sitting at the built-in desk that was part of the kitchen counter. She'd rolled her chair back and was resting her head on her crossed arms, looking like a very bored child who couldn't go out and play until her homework was finished. Both dogs lay at her feet, obviously so used to Clancy that they didn't call out the alarm when she approached. The landscaper knocked softly and the dogs merely lifted their heads while their tails thumped furiously. Abby swiveled around and the smile that came to her lips made Clancy parrot one of equal warmth.

Walking into the house, Clancy asked, "What are you working on? You don't look like you're having fun."

"I'm a big chicken," Abby said, sticking her lip out in an adorable pout. "I don't have the guts to call my parents and tell them about us."

"Oh, you poor baby." Clancy started to hug her, then asked, "Are we alone?"

"Nobody here but us chickens," Abby said, giving her a wry smile.

They hugged, with Clancy holding on until Abby released her. "So … you're what … writing to them?"

"Trying to. Not having much luck.”

"Want me to help?"

Abby pushed the computer towards her lover. "Do it. Don't even show it to me. Say whatever you want."

Laughing, Clancy stood behind her and massaged her neck. "You can do this. Just tell the truth. Tell them everything that happened. How we met … how we grew to be friends … how we grew more and more attracted to each other until we … well, don't tell 'em that part. They'll be able to figure that out for themselves."

Abby nodded, then rested her cheek on Clancy's hand. "If you stand behind me and rub my neck and shoulders I bet I could have this finished in ten minutes. You calm me down so well."

"Happy to." Clancy started to slide a kitchen chair over, but Abby stopped her.

"No, baby, I won't have you catering to my needs while I do this. Besides, Hayley's supposed to be home for dinner. Just give me a kiss that'll last me all night and leave me to my misery."

Clancy pulled the chair around and straddled Abby's lap. She didn't let much of her weight settle, but she wrapped her arms around her tightly. "I never want you to be miserable. But I'll do my best to give you a long-lasting kiss." She leaned into her and felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up when their lips met. In a moment, they were kissing deeply, nipping on each other's lips, tongues sliding against one another. Thankfully, the dogs jumped to their feet and scampered for the door a second before Hayley burst in. Clancy managed to be on her feet, and the girl didn't seem to notice a thing. "Hi, Mom. Clancy." She dropped her bag and petted each dog. "The beach was awesome today. I'm gonna shower down here so I don't track sand upstairs. Back in a few."

Abby smiled and made a gesture that looked a little like a wave. Hayley went into the bathroom and closed the door. As soon as Abby heard the door click she looked like she'd had her bones removed. Starting to slide down the seat of the chair, Clancy grabbed her under the arms and held her up. "It's okay, babe. She didn't notice a thing."

"I'm too old for this," Abby moaned. "I could have a stroke!"

"You'll be fine," Clancy soothed. "Now get to work and write your letter. I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed Abby on the top of the head, lingering a few moments to smell her hair. "I love you." She kissed her once more, on the cheek, then squeezed her shoulder and left for the day.

***

The next day, Abby appeared the minute the crew started to pack up for the day. When Clancy finished chatting with Ramon, she walked over and joined her under the pergola.  “Hi,” Clancy said, feeling a little uncomfortable.

“Hi.  All finished?”

“Yeah.”

“Everyone gone?”

“I think so.”

“Wanna neck?”  Abby’s eyes were giving off an impish twinkle, and Clancy felt her unease vanish into thin air.

Letting out a relieved laugh, Clancy reached down and grasped her hand.  “Is that a good idea?”

“No, of course not.  But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to.”  Leaning over just a few inches, Abby pressed her body against Clancy’s shoulder and captured her earlobe in her teeth.  “You have the cutest ears I think I’ve ever seen.”

Clancy stiffened slightly and pulled away.  “Abby, I don’t want to chance having Hayley come home and catching us.  Last night was bad enough.”

Resting her head on her shoulder, Abby sighed and said, “I know.  But the dogs proved how adept they are at being early warning devices.”

“Still …” Clancy murmured.

“No, you’re right.  Stranger things have happened.  I’ll do my best to behave until it’s all out in the open.”

Clancy asked the question that had been nagging at her all day. “Got any idea when that might happen?”

Abby let out a wry laugh and said, “It almost happened last night.  We sat up and talked for hours, and when we went upstairs the dogs ran for the guest room and curled up at the end of the bed, thumping their tails ferociously.”

“Oh-oh.”

“Yeah.  Hayley noticed, of course, since they’ve never done that before, but I tried to slough it off as odd canine behavior.”  She laughed. “Luckily, they act odd enough on a consistent basis to make that excuse quite believable.”

“So, was that the end of it?”

“No.  I went to my room, but they didn’t follow.  After a while, I came out and they were still on the guest bed, looking quite depressed.  They missed you,” she said, a sad smile settling on her face.  “I did too.”

“I missed you, Abby,” Clancy sighed.  “I woke up twenty times during the night, trying to find you.”

“None of us slept well, either,” Abby said. “Artemis went in with Hayley, but Athena wouldn’t give up the watch.  Every time I woke, her head was up.  It looked like she was unable to relax until you came to bed.”

“So what do you think?  Do you want to wait for a while to let Hayley settle in?  Or is it best to just tell her and let her have some time to deal with it?”

"I don't want to do it today," Abby said. "I wrote my letter yesterday and mailed it this morning. Now I want to talk to a couple of my good friends to get some opinions. Ellen has known Hayley since she was born, and she's my closest friend. So … I have to come out to Ellen."

"The look on your face says that you're not happy about that."

Abby made a dismissive gesture. "No, that's not what the look says." She moved around a little, trying to face Clancy more directly. "I think better when I can look into your eyes," she said.

Clancy dipped her head and kissed her, the kiss short but heartfelt. "The little things you say make me fall more in love with you every day. God, I hope this feeling never stops, 'cause I'm addicted to it."

Abby ran her finger over her lover's lips, loving their form and they way they felt under her fingertip. "Things will calm down," she said. "But even though it won't feel as exciting, the feelings get so much deeper and stronger. It's a damn good trade-off for the unbridled joy of falling in love."

Nuzzling at her partner's neck, Clancy said, "Let's have both. Joy and depth."

"It's a deal," Abby said.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, then Abby reached over and held her lover's hand. Neither woman spoke, and the minutes ticked by until it was fully dark. The phone rang and Abby jumped noticeably, their reverie shattered. The dogs started to bark, sensing they should be on guard since their master had been startled. Shushing them, she went into the house and answered, her voice just soft enough for Clancy not to be able to hear. After a few minutes, Abby returned. She sat down with less grace than she usually exhibited and said, "I'm meeting Ellen for breakfast." She didn't say another word, and Clancy sensed that her partner didn't want to talk. So they held hands again and leaned gently against each other until Clancy had to leave. Kissing Abby tenderly, she said, "You'll do fine tomorrow. It went great with Pam and Maria, didn't it?"

Abby nodded, looking young and frightened.

"I know it's hard. I really do, babe, but you'll get through it. Ellen's a good friend, right?"

"Yeah. Very good."

"Good friends support you. That's what makes them friends. Try not to worry, okay?"

Abby nuzzled her face into her lover's neck, desperately seeking comfort. "I'm just not used to this kinda thing. I've never had to reveal anything like this. It scares me to death."

"I know, I know," Clancy soothed. She held Abby tightly, trying to transfuse some of her confidence into her partner. "Just get it over with, babe. It'll get easier with each person."

Abby picked up her head, looking into Clancy's soft gray eyes. "Are you sure?"

"It was for me," Clancy said. "Much easier."

They held each other for a few more minutes, then Clancy kissed Abby one more time, patted the dogs on the head, and left her partner to dwell in her own troubled thoughts.

***

The old friends met at one of their favorite haunts on Greene Street. It was early, so parking wasn't a problem, and they saw each other heading to the restaurant from opposite ends of the block. Abby's palms were damp and the butterflies were dive-bombing her stomach walls, but she tried to compose her expression into a semblance of normalcy. "Hi!" Ellen called when they were still twenty feet apart. "It seems like it's been months since we've been alone together. Where has the summer gone?"

They hugged each other, and the familiar exchange helped calm Abby down a tiny bit. "This summer has gone by faster than any I can recall," Abby said. "It seems like Hayley got home yesterday."

"I know things have been crazy for you with all of the work at your house," Ellen said. "But we both have to make time for each other. That's the only way to stay close."

Abby winced when she heard those words. She felt guilty enough about keeping her friend entirely in the dark about her new relationship, but having Ellen remind her that they were drifting apart really struck home. "I'm at fault," she admitted. "My friends are more important than my house. I'm going to concentrate on being more connected."

Ellen looked at her for a moment, obviously puzzled. "I'm not angry, Abby. Don't take me too seriously."

Abby slipped her arm under her friend's and led her into the restaurant. "I know you're not angry. I'm just reminding myself of what's important.

***

A few minutes later they were sipping cups of coffee while they waited for their order.  Ellen put her forearms on the table, her usual posture when she wanted to dish. “So, what’s going on? Tell me everything.”

Abby laughed, but to her own ears it sounded like she'd been pinched. "Actually, a lot has been going on. A whole lot." She slipped her hand through her hair, needlessly straightening it. Then she had to fix her watch so it sat precisely in the middle of her wrist. Those essentials taken care of, she had nothing to do but look at her friend.

Ellen inclined her head, silently encouraging her to continue.

“Remember I mentioned a few weeks ago that I had been seeing someone?”

“Sure, I remember.  Are you ready to unveil this mystery man? It's not one of the gubernatorial candidates, is it?"

With another yelp-like laugh Abby shook her head. "No. No. No politicians.”  She nodded to the server when he placed their meals in front of them, then decided she had to have a bite of her omelet before she spoke again.  After chewing the small bite over fifty times she peeked up to see Ellen giving her a very concerned look. "I'm worried about your reaction to the person I'm dating," she said, drawing a little closer to the point.

“My reaction?" Ellen put her fork down and reached across the table to touch Abby's hand. "Is he married?"

"Oh! God, no!" Now her laugh was genuine. "It's nothing like that. I'd never go out with a married man. That would go against every principle I have."

"Then what …?"

“I'm making myself crazy with this cat and mouse game," Abby said. She took in a deep breath and spit it out. "Here's the truth. I’m seeing a woman.”

“You’re seeing a woman … what do you mean?”

Abby blinked at her, not expecting that particular response.  “I’m dating a woman.  Rather than a man … I’m dating a woman.”

Her friend’s fork dropped from her nerveless hand and clattered noisily against her plate.  “I … I … Abby … how …” she gasped.

“It caught me by surprise, too.  Actually, no one can be as surprised as I was … it just happened.”

“Did Maria and Pam … set you up?” she asked, her eyes still wide and nearly unfocused.

“No, no, not at all,” Abby said, swiftly shaking her head.  “I think they’re still a little bit in shock as well.”

“Then how … where do you go to meet a lesbian, Abby?  Is it someone from church?”

“No.  That’s another slightly funny angle,” she said.  “She’s the landscape architect that I hired to work on my yard.”

“But … that can't … I distinctly remember your telling me about her.  You described her as a girl … surely you …” Ellen looked like she was about to faint, but Abby knew she didn't have any power to make this easier.

“She’s not a girl, Ellen, she’s lucky to look very young for her age.  Once I got to know her, I saw how mature and generous and kind she was and I just … I fell in love with her.”

“You’re in love with her?”  Her voice was really too loud for the setting, but Abby didn’t ask her to keep it down.

“Yes,” she said firmly, her eyes locked with Ellen’s.  “I’m in love with her.”

“Jesus, Abby!  I can’t believe that Maria hasn’t sat you down and given you a good talking to!  Can’t you see what’s happening here?”

“Uhm … I think I know what’s happening –” she began, but her friend cut her off.

“You don’t know what’s happening if you think you’re in love!  For God’s sake!  There is a man out there for you!  Just because you haven’t met him yet is no reason to go off the deep end!”

“Ellen,” she said, her voice calm and soft, “this has nothing to do with my ability to attract men.  I’ll admit that I was demoralized about the whole dating thing — but Clancy would have appealed to me if my phone were ringing off the hook.  We just clicked.”

“Clancy?  How old is this woman? That sounds like a kid's name.”

Abby was beginning to take umbrage to the tone that Ellen was using, but she decided to keep calm and reply to her question.  “She’s twenty-nine,” she said, staring her right in the eye.

“Twenty-nine!  Twenty-nine!  Trevor’s almost twenty-nine!  Have you completely lost your mind?  You’re dating the gardener, for God’s sake, and she’s young enough to be your child … your daughter, no less!  Abby, I love you enough to tell you this to your face — you need help!”

"Help?"

"Yes! You need professional help! I know how much you've grieved for Will, but that doesn't give you the right to do something so against your nature!"

"This isn't against my nature," she said, no longer feeling nervous. "It feels entirely natural, Ellen. Completely and totally natural."

"There's nothing natural about seeking out a girl your son's age to have sex with! Nothing!"

"What are you upset about?" Abby asked. "Are you upset that I'm dating a woman or that she's younger than I am, or that she's not a professional? Because none of those are very good reasons to be angry with me."

"Abby, what would you do if I left my husband to run off and join the circus?"

Making a face, Abby said, "That's hardly analogous."

"Yes it is! You've never been a lesbian before, you've never been interested in younger men, and you've always been a member of the decidedly upper class! I've never seen you searching for hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurants in Hollywood, or selling your old clothes at the flea market at the Rose Bowl. You're a wealthy woman, and you like being a wealthy woman! I guarantee you that you wouldn't date one of the boys from the supermarket! Why is it all right just because she's a woman?"

Her head was beginning to throb, and she found that she could hardly keep track of the conversation. All she wanted to do was go home and have Clancy hold her. "Why is what right? What rule am I breaking?"

Ellen pursed her lips. Her forehead was wrinkled in a deep frown and her cheeks were drawn tightly against her teeth. "You're a forty-five year old widow. You have grown children. You have a name in this community. You don't ignore your husband's memory and your children's feelings and the respect of your peers to do what feels right at any given moment! Hell, I want to have the pool boy come in and show me what it's like to make love to a twenty-year-old, but I don't do it! It would hurt too many people! I care more about other people than I do myself!"

Abby spent a moment composing herself. Her face was flushed with anger, and she knew she was on the verge of unloading on Ellen. But she also knew that she could easily destroy their friendship with a few harsh words, and she was determined not to. "I can only assume that you think you're telling me all of this for my own good. But I know what's right for me, Ellen. Loving Clancy is what's right, and the fact that some people won't be happy about it can't stop me. Love is too precious to throw away."

"Are two of those people Trevor and Hayley? How do they feel about Clancy?"

"I haven't told them yet," she said. "I thought it would be easier to talk to my friends first." With hurt coloring her voice, she added, "I thought my friends would be supportive."

"You thought wrong," Ellen said flatly. "If you don't care about your kids' feelings, then I'm doubly sure that you're doing this out of some temporary bout of insanity."

Abby was unable to hold it in for another moment. Her anger began to spill out of her like a pot boiling over. "I don't care about my children? How can you have the nerve … the gall … to say that to me! I've given up more than you know to be there for my kids … every time they need me. And that won't change because of Clancy. She knows the kids have to come first … but not because they don't approve of this. They're adults now, and they can make their own decisions – and so can I!"

"So if Trevor or Hayley decide they can't tolerate this you'll let them walk away from you? Is that what you're saying?" Ellen's face was nearly purple with anger, and she was clutching her fork like a weapon.

"That won't happen," Abby said. "My children will never abandon me. Never!"

"What … if … they … do?" Ellen asked, spitting each word out.

"Then … I'll wait for them to come around." The words were out before Abby had a moment to consider them. But once she said them she knew they were the absolute truth. No one … not her kids … not her friends … not her parents could persuade her to give Clancy up. She was desperately in love with her, and the rest of the world was going to have to learn to adapt.

***

Clancy pulled into her parking spot, only to see Abby's car taking Michael's place. She ran up the path, finding her lover sitting on her steps, looking disconsolate.  “Why didn’t I go to work with you?”

“What happened?”

Abby didn't reply. She just got up and waited for Clancy to open the door. As soon as they entered, Abby closed her eyes and asked, “How about a hug?”

“Always.”  Clancy wrapped her strong, tanned arms tightly around Abby’s body and she swore that she could feel her lover’s pulse slow noticeably.

Placing a kiss on Clancy’s neck, Abby sat down on the sofa.  "I told her.”  She made a face as she said, “She wasn’t supportive.”

“Oh, damn … I’m sorry.  I know she’s a good friend — that must have hurt.”

“Yes, it did,” she said.  “But it made me angry, too.  I’m really disappointed in her.  She said some things that make me wonder about her.”

Clancy nodded and said, “Give her a little leeway.  This had to be a massive shock to her.”

“I know that,” she said quietly, “but that’s no reason to treat me like I’m out of my mind.  She demanded … demanded … that I seek psychiatric help!”

“Ouch!”  Clancy made a face and said, “Give her some time.  She might come around.”

With a heavy sigh Abby said, “I hope so.  “We’ve been friends since before Will and I were married.  Her husband Neil was one of Will’s best friends.  They were both so supportive after Will died … I can't stand the thought of losing them as friends.”

“Give her time, and try again when she has time to cool off.  If she’s who you think she is, she’ll be able to accept us.”

“I hope so,” Abby said.  “I really hope so.”

***

Michael wasn't due home until 8:00 p.m., so they went into Clancy's room and held each other for hours. As usual, Abby didn't talk much, sticking to her habit of processing her feelings before she could talk about them. At around 7:00 she asked if she could use the phone.

"Of course you can." Clancy handed the receiver to her and then wrapped her body around Abby's naked form.

Smiling, the older woman called Maria and found that Ellen had already called to tell her about Abby's revelation.

“Am I that wrong about her?” Abby asked.  “I always thought she was so open-minded.”

“I think she is,” Maria ventured.

“How can you say that?” Abby asked.  “This is nothing but anti-lesbian working-class prejudice!”

Maria chuckled softly and said, “Abby, I doubt that she’d call me to complain about your being a lesbian if her rationale was homophobic.  Yes, she’s upset that you’re in a lesbian relationship — but not because of the lesbian angle per se.”

“Then what is it?” Abby demanded irritably.

“I think that she’s upset because of the sea-change this is for you.  I honestly don’t think her reaction would be a bit different if Clancy were a thirty-year-old man.  I think it’s the age and the socioeconomic issues that have her most upset.”

“Oh, so she’s not homophobic,” Abby scoffed.  “She’s just ageist and classist.”

“Okay, I’ll grant that her position doesn’t put her in the best light,” Maria said, “but this is a big change for you.  She’s afraid that you’re drawn to Clancy because other things haven’t worked out well for you.  I also think she’s a little afraid that Clancy is taking advantage of you.”

“Of course!” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  “Working class people are always trying to pull one over on us!”

“I know this upsets you, and I understand why, but you go back a long way with Ellen.  Don’t take all of her words so seriously.  She’s concerned about you, and she’s shooting her mouth off a little — but I’m certain that she means well.”

Abby sighed and made a face.  “You know I’ll be more civil when this settles a bit.  I’m just hurt.  I expected more from one of my closest friends.”

"I understand. I really do. If she was spouting off at you like she did at me, I'd be upset, too. But when someone gets this angry over something that really doesn't concern her … I always try to look behind the behavior and figure out why she reacted so strongly."

"Any ideas, Doc?"

"Yeah, a few, but I won't push them at you just yet. You and Ellen have known each other longer and better than I've known her. You'll figure out what's going on over time. I'm sure of it."

"You're an optimist," Abby said. "I don't know how you are given what you see at work, but you are."

"You are too," Maria reminded her. "Only an optimist would do some of the things you've done this summer."

"An optimist, or an idiot?" Abby asked, sensing that Maria wasn't saying everything that was on her mind.

"You're one of the brightest people I know," Maria said. "You've never done anything idiotic since I've known you … and I've been on the lookout."

Her cavalier reply reassured Abby, and she said, "I was really shaken today, Maria. It made me consider how much my friends mean to me. I'm more grateful than you'll ever know that you and Pam have been so understanding."

"We love you, Abby. We always will. Now go have Clancy wrap you up in her arms and give you some comfort. That always helps."

"That's one bit of advice I'll act on immediately," Abby said. "Give my love to Pam and Alyssa."

"I will. Call me if you need to talk anymore. I'm always available to you, sweetie."

"The same goes for me," Abby said. "Bye." As soon as she hung up, she tucked her head into Clancy's shoulder and let out a sigh. "Hayley should be home soon. I'd better go. But I need some hugs first."

"That's what I do best," Clancy said as she proceeded to hug her partner with all of her might.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Clancy knocked at the back door on Thursday evening, making a silly face that had Abby laughing. "Bring that cute mug in here and let me kiss it," she said.

Clancy opened the door and looked around stealthily. "Are we alone?"

"Yeah. Hayley went to Santa Barbara to surf. She won't be home until late."

"How late?" Clancy asked, her hungry look giving Abby a good idea of the reason for her interest in Hayley's schedule.

The brunette walked over to Clancy and slipped her arms around her. "They usually go out for dinner at a taco place they love. She probably won't be home until 11:00 or midnight. Why? Got something on your mind?" She nuzzled at Clancy's neck, then nipped her sensitive earlobe.

"Uh-huh. Your body." Strong arms enveloped Abby, squeezing her hard enough to force the air from her lungs. "I've been thinking about you all day. The way you feel in my arms, the way you always smell like flowers and fresh air." Her hands slipped down and cupped Abby's cheeks. "But most of all, I've been thinking about your ass. You have the most delightful ass I've ever laid eyes or hands on, and there's nothing I'd like more than to study it up close for a couple of hours."

"Clancy!" Abby blushed, enormously pleased with her lover's interest. "You sure do know how to turn a girl's head!"

"Your head is wonderful, but I'd really like to see your ass," the architect said, massaging the cheeks with fierce intensity. "See it … touch it … bite it … kiss it …"

"Whew!" Abby pulled back a little, fanning herself. "I've gotta call Maria and tell her I'm canceling!" She headed for the phone, but Clancy pulled her back.

"What are you canceling?"

The older woman draped her arms around her lover's neck. "I think Maria's holding something back, and I arranged to go over and talk to her tonight. I thought you might want to go with me."

"We can go —"

Abby kissed Clancy's lips, stopping them as they were about to form another word. "Now that you've got me thinking about asses, I don't want to go out. I wanna stay in. Inside you," she added, looking a little embarrassed at using this sort of playful banter.

Clancy ran her hand through her partner's hair, looking into her eyes. "Have you been worrying about Maria?"

Abby nodded. "Yeah. Something doesn't seem right. It makes me wonder if she's holding out on me to avoid hurting my feelings, or if I'm just projecting."

"This sounds important," Clancy said. "I think we should go. I'll still feel like having sex later."

"That goes without saying," Abby said, kissing Clancy until the blonde's knees began to shake. "I'm absolutely insatiable for you. Nothing makes me happier than touching you."

Clancy slipped her hand into Abby's shorts, then gently tickled between her legs. "Nothing?"

With a soft growl, Abby pushed her pelvis forward, pressing her mound into Clancy's hand. "Okay," she purred. "Nothing makes me happier than touching and being touched."

"That's more like it." Clancy pinched her lover's lips together, then gave them a tug, grinning when Abby's eyes closed and her nostrils flared. "You're so easy."

"Only for you, baby." They kissed for a few minutes, neither wanting to leave the house. Finally, Abby pulled away. "Stay or go?"

Lazily, Clancy replied. "Go. Damn it. Go."

“I was going to walk. Want to walk with me?”

“Uhm … sure. But I have to shower and change first. I can’t go like this.”

Abby smiled at her dirt-streaked face, sweat-stained, rumpled shirt and mud-caked knees. “I think you look adorable. You remind me of Trevor when he was about four.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Clancy decided. “But I really do have to go shower.”

“You could shower here …” Abby began, but Clancy was shaking her head before the older woman could finish the sentence.

“That’s asking for trouble,” she said. “I know Hayley won't come home this early, but it's not worth the risk. I’ll go home and then come pick you up.”

“No, I’m ready to get going now. I’ll walk, and you can go home and take your time. Actually, would you stop at the store and pick up something from the deli for all of us? Pam and Maria despise cooking, and they jump at the chance to avoid it.”

“Sure. Any preferences?”

“For the adults, anything that strikes your fancy. But make sure you get some of their macaroni and cheese for Alyssa. She’s addicted to the stuff.”

“Will do. See you in a bit.” She leaned in for a quick kiss and a squeeze of Abby's butt. “I couldn’t resist,” she said, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

***

After leaving a note for Hayley, Abby started off on her walk, reaching her friends’ home a short while later. She made idle conversation with the whole family for a bit, dropping in the news that Clancy would be joining them. Eventually, she turned to Maria and said, "Could we go to your office for a few minutes? I have some things to talk to you about."

Maria looked a little surprised, but she got up and said, "Why don't you see if your mom can help you with your math homework, Alyssa? Then you'll be finished by the time we're ready for dinner."

The child gave her mother a fairly unhappy look, but she got up and took Pam's hand, compliantly heading for her bedroom.

Abby watched the pair leave, saying, "I miss the days when I could tell Hayley what to do. It feels like she's in charge of the house now."

Maria put her arm around her friend's shoulders while they walked down the hall. "It's always hard when a kid's on the verge of adulthood. And Hayley was never a pushover, Abby. Let's be honest."

Abby laughed, nodding in agreement. "You're right. She's always had a lot of spirit."

They entered the office, and they both sat on the modern, leather sofa. "What's up?" Maria asked.

Abby was suddenly shy, and spent a moment playing with the seam on the back of the sofa. "I … uhm … I've been getting some vibes …"

After waiting for her friend to speak again, Maria said, "Come on, Abby, this is me. What's bothering you?"

Their eyes met, and Abby forced herself to spit it out. "You and Pam both say you're supportive of me, but I've had a funny feeling that you don't think this is a great idea."

"What isn’t … you and Clancy?"

"Yeah. And it seems odd to me that you and Pam would be uncomfortable with my being in a lesbian relationship."

Maria reached out and put her hand on her friend's knee. "Oh, Abby, that's not it," she said, her expression filled with empathy.

"Then what is it?" Abby asked, looking young and vulnerable.

Maria stood and walked to the window, looking out at the traffic gliding down the wide expanse of Orange Grove Boulevard. She knew Abby was staring at her, but she needed to compose her thoughts before she revealed them. "I haven't been entirely honest with you," Maria admitted.

Hurt, Abby blinked her eyes, trying not to cry. "Why? Don't you trust me?"

Maria went back to the sofa and sat next to her friend. She draped an arm around her back and was surprised to have Abby snuggle up next to her and rest her head on her shoulder. "Of course I trust you. I just didn't want to offer an opinion that you hadn't asked for."

"But I asked for your opinion," Abby said.

"No, you didn't, honey. You asked when I thought you should tell Trevor and Hayley. You didn't ask if I thought you should tell them."

Astounded, Abby sat up and stared at her friend. "You don't think I should tell my kids the truth about my life? I'm not ashamed of this, Maria. I have nothing to hide!"

"I know that," the doctor said, closing her eyes to avoid seeing the pain in Abby's expression. "And it's not that I think you should keep things from your kids. It's just … it's just that I think you should wait and see where this winds up," she said.

"Where what winds up?"

"Where you and Clancy wind up. What if this doesn't work out, Abby? Is it worth it to go through the whole thing if you decide you're not comfortable in this relationship?"

Abby stood up and walked around the room slowly, trying to expend some energy. Finally, she stopped and perched on the edge of Maria's desk. "Say what you're thinking, Maria. Just say it."

The doctor let out a sigh, regretting that she'd opened her mouth in the first place. "I'm afraid that you and Clancy aren't going to last. And I’d hate to see you upset Trevor and Hayley for nothing."

Abby's eyebrows arched up, and she stared at her friend before she could speak. "Well, I asked for it, so I can't fault you for being blunt."

"Oh, Abby, I would never have said anything. It's not my business! But I care about you and the kids so much that I'm willing to risk hurting you now to help you avoid more hurt later."

Walking back to the sofa, Abby sat down and patted her friend on the leg. "I know you love me and the kids. That's without question." She sat there quietly for a few moments, then asked, "Why do you think we won't make it?"

"I … I'm sorry to say I feel a little like Ellen does," Maria admitted. "This is such a radical move for you … it just doesn't seem like something you'd do! You're the most stable, rational, conservative person I know, and I mean that in the best possible way. You're not someone to make a huge change that will affect every part of your life! I worry that you either haven't thought it through, or you're not letting the repercussions sink in. Either way, I'm very worried for you, Abby. I love you, and I want you to be happy, but I'm afraid this isn't what will make you happy."

Once more Abby got up. She wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against the window, looking out, but not seeing. "I haven't been this happy since before Will died," she said softly. "Do I have to put other people first all of the time? Haven't I done enough of that?" She turned to Maria, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I was the perfect daughter, then the perfect girlfriend, then the perfect wife, and the perfect mother. I haven't done anything for myself – only myself – since I was a teenager! When will I get my turn?"

Maria got up and went to her, holding Abby in her arms while the taller woman cried. "Oh, Abby, I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry."

"I've sacrificed willingly," Abby sniffed. "I went to college even though I wanted to travel for a year first. I got married long before I had planned, but it made sense, and it was what Will wanted. I had Trevor when I was barely twenty years old! I didn't get my Ph.D. because it would have been too hard to juggle my work with the kids. I didn't teach because I wanted to be home for them. I didn't work because I wanted to be able to go on trips with Will or attend conferences with him." She let out a big breath, looking tired and defeated. "I did everything because it made sense. It's what worked out. It made the people I loved happy. But I'm forty-five years old, and I want to live a little! I want to be carefree for the first time in my adult life. I want to swim naked in my pool and make love on the patio. I want to spend the whole day in bed with Clancy, eating pizza out of the box and drinking warm beer because we're too exhausted to go downstairs. I want all of that, and I can have it. I can have what I want. Finally, I can have it and think only of myself. Me! Just me!"

"Oh, Abby, you deserve that," Maria whispered. "You deserve it."

"Do I?" she asked tiredly. "Do I? What if you're right? What if it doesn't work out? What if my kids can't accept it?" She put her head down and cried again, her sobs breaking Maria's heart. Maria heard her friend’s fragile voice ask, "Will I ever come first?"

***

Clancy arrived while Abby was in Maria's office, and her arms were laden with cartons filled with delicious-smelling items. She was a little uncomfortable to be alone with Pam and Alyssa, so she volunteered to arrange the food. "Okay," Pam agreed. "I don't imagine they'll be long. I'll just finish up with Alyssa —"

The phone rang, and Pam smiled and threw up her hands when she heard rapid and determined little footsteps heading for the phone in the hallway. After a few moments, Pam gave Clancy a smirk and said, “No one calls us any more. Since Alyssa declared herself our receptionist, people don't call because she bends their ear for an hour. It works great on sales calls, though." Raising her voice, she called, “Honey, who is it?”

“Hayley,” came the reply, and both Clancy and Pam froze in place for just a moment before they both ran to the child to stare at her in horror as they heard her say, “Clancy just got here. She brought me macaroni.” Her face scrunched up, and she nodded her head. “Sure I know her. She’s your mom’s girlfriend.” She looked into Clancy’s terror-struck face and asked, “Don't you know your mom likes girls now?”

Clancy leapt for the receiver, ripping it from Alyssa’s hands. She fell to her knees and tucked an arm around the startled child to reassure her, while she said, “Hayley!”

A small, thin voice gasped out, “Is that true?”

“Hayley, it’s … it’s … uhm … your mom and I …”

“It’s true!” she cried. “It’s true!”

“Hayley, come on, calm down. Let us come home, and we’ll all talk it out.”

“Fuck you! Go fuck yourself, Clancy!” She slammed the phone down violently, and before the sound had finished reverberating in her ears,  Clancy was running for the door.

“I’ll be back. Tell Abby to wait for me.” She wasn’t even sure why she was certain that time was absolutely critical, but Clancy knew that she couldn’t wait to explain to Abby what had happened. She had to stop Hayley before the girl could leave the house, and every second was precious.

Her truck was right outside, and she peeled out while still struggling with her seat belt. She raced down the streets of the quiet neighborhood, her heart thudding loudly in her chest. The only thought that kept going through her mind was that she had to stop Hayley from driving off when she was irrational. They could work through any problem with enough time and effort, but if Hayley drove off and hurt herself, Clancy was sure that that was one thing Abby could never get over.

As soon as the girl had slammed the phone down, she ran upstairs to rip off her sandy swimsuit and throw on a clean pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Luckily, that slight delay slowed her down enough for Clancy to reach the house just as Hayley was pulling out in the Lexus.

The yellow truck pulled into the drive, blocking the exit as Hayley cleared the garage. “Get the fuck out of my way!” she screamed, appearing hysterical.

Leaving the engine running, Clancy got out and approached the convertible. “Hayley, please get out and hear what I have to say.”

“Are you fucking my mother?” she screamed, tears running down her face.

Clancy took a breath and said, "We're in love with each other," her eyes never leaving Hayley’s.

The dark head bowed, and Hayley started slamming her head against the steering wheel, sobbing pitifully.

Going around to the side of the car, Clancy got in. Noticing that Hayley’s foot was pressing the brake down, she slid the car into park and leaned over to kill the engine, tucking the keys into her shirt pocket.

“Why you?” the younger woman gasped out. “Of all people — why you?”

“I don’t know,” Clancy said quietly. “It just happened. All I know is that I love her. And she loves me.”

“She does not!” A tear-streaked, outraged face glared at Clancy. “She does not love you!” Hayley fumbled with and finally yanked the door handle; the door opened and she started running for the street. Clancy paused a moment, then took off after her, gaining on her easily since Hayley was barefoot.

“Hayley, wait!” She grabbed her by the arm of her T-shirt, and the younger woman wrenched away from her so violently that the sleeve ripped half off.

She turned and swung hard, her fist catching Clancy right on the bone under her eye. Gasping in pain, the blonde doubled over, only to have Hayley kick her hard on the shoulder, knocking her onto her seat.

Stunned, Clancy watched as Hayley ran for the truck. The older woman got to her feet and ran as fast as she could, grabbing the passenger door handle and pulling it open just as Hayley threw it into gear. Holding onto the handle over the seat and the rail of the bed, Clancy powered herself into the seat, settled her weight and jammed her foot onto the brake, banging her head into the windshield hard enough to see stars. She wrestled with Hayley for a second, but her superior strength and bulk allowed her to overpower the girl and get the truck into park. Jerking the key from the ignition, she glared at the girl and said, “This isn’t the fucking end of the world! Now stop being such a big goddamned baby and calm fucking down!”

Hayley reared back to slap her again, but Clancy reached out and roughly grabbed her hands. She shook her hard, giving her a lethal glare and saying, “I told you to calm down! I meant it!”

The younger woman slumped against the door, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Clancy’s cell phone chirped, and she got out of the truck to answer, casting a worried glance at Hayley while she punched the answer button. “Hi,” she said quietly.

“Where are you?”

It sounded like Abby had been crying, and Clancy turned her back to the truck and said, “I’m at your house. Hayley’s really upset, but I don’t think you should come back quite yet. Give me a few more minutes with her, okay?”

“But —!”

“Abby, she’s really angry. Let her vent some of her anger before you try to talk to her.”

“But she’s venting at you —”

“I can handle it. She’s not my child. Trust me on this … please?”

“Do you have the number here?” Abby asked after a moment.

“No. Page me and leave the number. I’ll call you soon.”

Walking back to the driver’s door, Clancy knocked lightly, then swung the heavy door open. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

Wordlessly, the young woman got out and stood by the truck while Clancy parked it. Once in the kitchen, they spent a few minutes calming the dogs down, both animals agitated from hearing raised voices.

Hayley went to the freezer and took out a few ice cubes, then wrapped them in a kitchen towel and handed it to Clancy. “Put that on your eye,” she said, going to sit on one of the kitchen stools.

Puzzled, Clancy touched her eye, noticing for the first time that it was swollen and painful to the touch. She placed the cloth to it, flinching a bit when the cold hit her skin. “Can I have another one for my head? I banged it pretty hard.”

Getting up to fetch another, Hayley brought it over, then gently ran her fingers through Clancy’s hair, wincing when she felt the knot that was already forming. Pressing the cloth against the spot, she said, “I’m sorry I hit you. I've … never hit anyone in my whole life."

“It’s okay,” Clancy said. “I’ve had worse.”

“Bar fight?” Hayley asked, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

“Tree limb.” Clancy returned her smile and asked, “What’s going on? I thought this would bother you, but you act like this is the worst thing in the world. Where does that come from?”

"How would you like it if your father died and your mom fell in love with a chick?"

Clancy made a face, annoyed that she had such a visceral reaction to the mere thought. “Okay. It would be weird,” Clancy admitted. “I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes. Neither does your mom. But she loves you very much, and she doesn’t want to hurt you. Neither do I.”

Tears started to roll down the young woman’s cheeks, and she muttered, “I don’t want you to be with her.”

“I can see that. But I am. It’s what we both want.”

“So I don't even get a vote?"

"I can't speak for your mom. You'll have to ask her that. But even if you get a vote, it's still two to one."

"She’d choose you over me,” Hayley sobbed, dropping the cloth and distancing herself from Clancy. She walked to the other end of the kitchen, clutching her belly with her arms.

“That’s not true. Your relationship with your mom is precious! There’s no outsider who can ever mess with that. And as much as I love your mother, I’m an outsider. I’ll always be an outsider. You’re her flesh and her blood; you’re her child. No matter how old you get, no matter how many fights you have — she’s your mom.”

The younger woman dropped her head, then wiped her eyes with the hem of her T-shirt. “I hate this,” she whispered.

“I know.” Clancy walked over and stood next to her. “I know how upset you are, but I also know that your mom is worried sick. I want to go pick her up now. Will you at least try to be civil to her?”

“Yes.”

Clancy had both sets of keys, but just to be sure, she decided to take Abby’s car. There could be another set of keys that she didn’t know about. When she reached the door, Hayley’s soft voice floated over to her.     “You’re not going to come back with her, are you?”

“No. This is between the two of you. I’m going home.”

“Good.”

***

Abby was understandably beside herself with worry, and nothing Clancy could say helped in the least. “Why didn’t you take me with you?” the older woman asked, her voice shaking.

“I don’t know why I knew it was so important,” Clancy said, “but I knew she was going to get in that car and take off. I couldn’t risk her doing that and hurting herself.”

Abby nodded, then patted Clancy absently and said, “Thank you. I never would have forgiven myself if she’d gotten hurt.”

As soon as they pulled into the garage, Abby jumped out, but Clancy stopped her. “Abby, uhm … Hayley told me some things, but I think it’s best if you hear them from her. I’m gonna leave now.”

“Oh. Right. Uhm …” she looked towards the door, and Clancy waved her off.

“Go ahead. Just close the door after me, okay?”

Abby looked at the lost, lonely expression on her lover’s face and ran around the car to hug her fiercely. “We’ll get through this.” A kiss on the temple and she was gone, leaving Clancy alone in the dark garage, the quiet whir of a fan in the car the only sound.

***

Abby walked into the house tentatively, expecting the worst, but Hayley didn’t answer when she called. The dogs were missing, too, but the open back door led her to the pool, where the lithe young woman was churning out laps. Abby watched her for a moment, then went back into the house and put on her own suit. A few minutes later, she joined her in the pool, quietly watching her work out her frustrations. A very long time passed, and Hayley finally drew to a stop, her muscles too fatigued to manage another stroke.

The young woman looked up at her mother and asked, “Are you mad at me?”

“Mad at you? Why on earth would I be mad at you?”

“‘Cause I hit Clancy,” she said quietly.

“You hit …?”

She nodded. “Didn’t you see her eye? It was all swollen. And she hit her head on the windshield. Uhm … you’d better make sure she’s okay.”

"Shit!" Abby jumped out of the pool and raced for the kitchen, her hands shaking while she dialed Clancy's cell. The architect answered on the second ring. "Are you all right? Hayley told me she hit you and that you hit your head on the windshield!"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Clancy said. "Just a headache. Don't worry about me."

"I am worried about you," Abby said, her voice shaking. "You might have a concussion."

"I don't think so," the younger woman said.

"Clancy, go to the emergency room right now, or I'll come over there and take you."

Sighing, the landscaper said, "I don't want to spend the whole night in the E.R. I have to work in the morning."

"Then go back to Maria's," Abby said. "She'll know if you're hurt badly enough to need a CAT scan."

"Abby —"

"Clancy, I'm just about to rip my hair out. I can't take much more stress today. Now, please, if you love me, go see Maria!" Clancy had never heard her lover sound so thoroughly agitated. Just to calm her down, she agreed. "Fine. Give me her number so I can tell her I'm coming."

"I'll call her for you. And her number's on your pager, too. Now call me as soon as she looks at you, okay?"

"I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too. I swear I do."

Clancy closed her cell phone, a little puzzled by the emphatic way that Abby had professed her love. There was something about her tone that sounded desperate, and a gnawing worry worked at her stomach all the way to Pam and Maria's home.

***

After calling Maria, Abby walked back to the pool and slipped in, wishing she could submerge herself for a few hours until things had calmed down.

Hayley was squatting in the corner of the pool, crying. “I’ve never hit anybody in my life,” she said. “I was just so mad …”

“I’m sure Clancy will be fine,” Abby soothed. “She’ll forgive you.”

Hayley looked at her mother for a moment and asked, “Are you in love with her?”

Without hesitation, Abby nodded her head. “Yes, I am.”

The narrow shoulders slumped, and Hayley turned away from the level gaze that her mother fixed her with. “I guess I’ll go back up to Santa Cruz. I have some friends who rented an apartment. I can crash with them.”

“Hayley, there’s no reason for you to leave! How can we work this out if you’re gone?”

“I can’t stay,” she said quietly. “I just can’t.”

“But why?”

"You made your decision. Clancy's the one who matters."

"Hayley! Of course Clancy matters to me, but you're my child! You're not in competition!"

"Yes, we are. You let me tell you about my crush on her … let me look like a fool … and never said a word. That's when you chose her." She walked over to the edge of the pool and pushed herself up, getting to her feet. "Don't start acting like you care now." Shaking her head to get the hair from her eyes, she wrapped a towel around herself and went inside. Abby knew she should go after her, but she didn't have the strength. She went over to the hot tub and turned on the jets, trying to feel centered before she had to face her daughter once again.

***

Steeling her nerves, Clancy rang the doorbell, wondering how the night had gone so wrong so quickly. Maria answered, looking as uncomfortable as Clancy felt. "I hear you accept house calls," the landscaper said.

Maria put her hand on her shoulder and urged her into the house. "After the night you've had, waiting in the emergency room would be cruel and unusual punishment. Come into the kitchen where the light is good."

Walking down the hallway, Clancy asked, "Is Alyssa okay? I've been worried about her."

Maria took a quick look at the young woman, surprised and pleased that Clancy would think of the girl during the turbulent night. "Yeah, she'll be fine. But she's pretty upset. She thinks she caused trouble for Abby … which she did," she added in a whisper.

"Would you like me to talk to her?" Clancy offered. "I think I freaked her out by yanking the phone out of her hand and then running out of the house. She might feel better if she saw me acting normally."

Maria pursed her lips, then shook her head. "You haven't looked at yourself in a mirror, have you?"

Her hand flew to her cheek. "That bad?"

"Yeah. I don't think Alyssa would feel better to know that Hayley belted you."

Making a sheepish gesture, Clancy said, "I don't have much experience with kids, but that probably wouldn't be the best idea."

Maria pointed at a chair, and Clancy sat down. The doctor took a penlight from one of the kitchen drawers and turned it on. She touched Clancy's chin and said, "Look straight ahead." She spent a few moments looking at each eye, watching it dilate. "Your eyes look fine," she said. "The pupils are the same size, and they dilate at the same rate." She sat down next to Clancy and touched the bruise under her eye. Clancy winced, but didn't move, allowing Maria to feel the bone around her eye. "Okay. Now let me ask you a few questions."

"Questions?" Clancy asked weakly. "Don't make 'em too hard. I'm wiped."

Maria smiled at her. "Simple ones. Don't worry." She felt the knot that had formed right at Clancy's hairline. "Do you remember coming over with dinner?"

"Sure. I went home, showered, and went to the store. Then I drove over here."

"What were you doing when you hit your head?"

"Wrestling with Hayley and hitting the brakes too hard. I learned that seat belts are a good idea when you're fighting to take control of a truck."

Patting her on the shoulder, Maria said, "Does anything seem fuzzy or unclear?"

"Yeah, but not because of being hit in the head." Clancy smiled at her,  and the doctor found herself returning the charming grin. "I'm not used to a lot of dyke drama."

Maria got up and went to the freezer, pulling out a pair of cold packs. She handed one to Clancy for her eye and held the other to the landscaper's forehead. "Since both of your bumps are on the same side of your head, you need a little help."

"You've helped a lot," Clancy said. "I really appreciate your taking a look at me. I don't want to cause Abby any more worry." She thought for a moment, then asked, "How did she seem when you talked to her?"

"Not great," Maria admitted. "She was very worried about you."

"Oh, this is nothing," Clancy said, waving her free hand dismissively. "She's the one with problems. I just hope Hayley isn't as irrational with her as she was with me." She took in a deep breath and looked at Maria, her gray eyes filled with concern. "I hate for her to go through this alone, but I know it'd be worse if I were there."

Maria smiled at her, saying, "You really care about her, don't you?"

"God, yes!" Clancy said. "I'd do anything to help her!"

"I hope it all works out for you," Maria said, hoping fervently that it would.

***

Abby knocked on Hayley's door, but the young woman didn't ask her to enter. "I don't want to talk now, Mom," she said.

"Come on, honey; don't shut me out."

"I'm sorry. But I want to be alone. I don't feel like talking tonight. Just let me calm down."

"All right," Abby said, feeling her eyes fill with tears. Lonely and depressed, she walked down the hall to the guest room, grateful when the dogs jumped onto the bed, waiting for her. She cuddled them for a few minutes, relishing the simple, unquestioning devotion they held for her. “You don’t even get mad at me when I take you to the groomer,” she sighed into Athena’s curly coat.

She lay down and dialed Clancy, not surprised in the least when the younger woman answered on the first ring. “Hi.”

“Are you all right?” Clancy asked quickly.

“Yes. I’m so sorry that Hayley hit you. Are you all right?"

“I’m fine. Maria checked me out. But I’m worried sick about you, Abby.”

“Well, it sounds like it went better for me than it did with you. She didn’t try to hit me.”

“She was angry,” Clancy reminded her. “It was no big deal.”

“Yes, it is. It's a very big deal, and I’m sorry you had to suffer because of Hayley's temper.”

“Forget about it,” Clancy said firmly. “Now, how are you?”

Abby sighed heavily and said, “Well, other than her telling me that she thinks I've chosen you over her, she didn’t talk much. She’s more guarded with her feelings than I am — if you can believe it.”

“Ouch! No wonder you don’t have many fights.”

“Yeah, that’s part of it. She’s angry and hurt, but I’m sure she’ll get over it. I just … I think that we should back off a little — just until she’s more comfortable with this.”

“Back off?”

Abby cleared her throat, trying to keep her gathering emotions at bay. “Clancy, I love you. That’s not going to change. But I need to spend some time with Hayley. I have to give her some space so that she feels like she can express herself. Is that okay?”

“Sure. You do what you think is best.” She paused a second and asked, “Can you come to my house?”

“Let’s see how it goes. I want to make sure we handle this properly so that we can move forward.”

Clancy did her best to still the doubts and the worries threatening to overwhelm her. She forced herself to take a deep breath and take a leap of faith. “Okay. I’ll let you decide how to handle this. I trust you.”

She could almost see the smile on her lover's face. “I love you, Clancy. And I'm so happy to know that you trust my judgment. I’m sorry for how badly this all went, but we can get through it. We will get through it.”

“I know we will. I love you with all my heart. G'night.”

"Try to sleep, honey. You have a big day tomorrow."

"I will. You, too."

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Clancy got to work early and pulled up in front of Abby's house before her crew arrived. Her cell phone rang before she could turn the truck off, and she raised the device to her ear to hear Abby say, "Meet me out back. I have to see you."

After jumping out of the truck, the blonde headed for the yard. Abby grasped her when she reached the corner of the house and wrapped her in a nearly desperate hug. "How are you?" she whispered, pulling away to gently run her fingers over Clancy's bruised face.

"I'm fine, really," she said, flinching a bit when Abby's cool fingers touched the bump on her head.

"I'm so, so sorry," Abby said, pulling her into another hug and squeezing her hard. "I can't believe how badly everything turned out."

Clancy drew back and looked into Abby's eyes. "Nothing has turned out yet, babe. We had a bad night. That's all. Things will get better as long as we're patient."

Both heads turned at the sound of a heavy truck pulling up in front of the house. "Oh, damn," Abby sighed.

Clancy patted her and gave her a hearty hug. "Don't worry so much. We'll be fine … eventually."

Abby kissed her tenderly, barely brushing lips. "I won't be able to come out today, honey. I don't want to make things worse."

"That's fine," Clancy said, trying to convey her confidence. "Call me tonight. Just try to get through the day and realize that things might be bad now, but that they'll get better."

"Promise?" Abby asked, searching Clancy's gray eyes for the slightest sign of doubt.

Clancy put her hands on her shoulders and held her at arm's length. "I promise." Abby gave her another quick kiss and dashed away, just before Ramon and the rest of the crew entered the yard.

***

After an exhausting day of helping the crew with the planting design, Clancy was almost relieved to be able to leave at the end of the day. Abby stuck her head out a few times, but they didn’t converse at any length, and Clancy left with a vague feeling of uneasiness, despite her assurances to Abby. Hayley pulled into the driveway just as she was leaving, and Clancy turned her head and drove off, her heart thudding heavily in her chest.

***

When Pam got home from work, Maria was in the kitchen making sandwiches for dinner. "Oh, you're cooking!" she said, a pleased smile on her face.

"We're in trouble when this constitutes cooking," Maria said. She wiped her hands on a towel and gave her lover a kiss. "Good day?"

"Yeah. Fine. How about you?"

"Not bad. I was distracted all day, though. I couldn't stop thinking about Abby."

Pam snatched a piece of turkey and stuffed it into her mouth before Maria could stop her. "Good," she said, smiling impishly. "I spent a lot of time thinking about her, too. And about Hayley. Did you hear from her?"

"Huh-uh. I'm afraid to call."

Pam kicked off her shoes and hoisted herself up onto the counter. "I'm feeling a little chicken myself. Maybe we should have Alyssa call."

Maria laughed wryly. "I think we should revisit having Alyssa answer the phone. If she even wants to after last night."

"She'll be fine. She seemed all right before she went to bed." She leaned over and grabbed a few carrot wedges and started to munch on them. "We didn't get to talk much last night since you collapsed as soon as you came to bed. How was Clancy?"

Maria took a carrot from her lover and took a bite. She looked pensive for a moment then said, "Nothing serious. I'm sure she has a headache today, and she probably has a pretty good shiner, but she'll be fine. You know," she said, taking another bite, "she's a lot more mature than I thought. She doesn't seem as young as she did when we met her."

"It's only been a week, honey. I don't think you can mature much in seven days."

"You're too funny," Maria said, her expression completely deadpan. "I know, but I don't think she was comfortable with us the night we met her. I'm not sure we saw the real Clancy. Last night she seemed … I don't know. She seemed like a woman who knew what she wanted and would do what it took to get it. I … I'm feeling better about the whole thing."

"Really? She seemed like a kid to me last night. She acted really uncomfortable being alone with me and Alyssa."

"Well, she is from a different generation … and she's a gardener … and she doesn't act like she comes from one of the old Pasadena families. Maybe she feels intimidated by us."

"Hey!" Pam started to gesture with her hands, a chronic habit when she had information to relate. "I was talking with someone at work who's having her landscape redone. She said she couldn't afford a landscape architect. Said most of 'em don't do residential work. She was really surprised when I told her that we had a friend whose architect was at her house all the time."

Maria gave her partner a concerned look. "Really? Fuck! Maybe she's not really an architect. Or maybe she's not a very good one. I don't know anything about the field. Maybe we should do some research."

Pam laughed. "Why, so we can tell Abby we checked her lover out and she's a fraud? Don't you think we did enough damage to her family yesterday?"

"We wouldn't have to tell her."

"Yeah." Pam leaned back on her hands and smirked at her lover. "You're the type to learn something bad and keep it to yourself. I think we'd better stay out of it."

Letting out a breath that made her lips flap, Maria agreed. "Okay. I won't play private detective. But if she fleeces Abby for all she's worth, you're responsible!"

"Maybe Clancy's intimidated by Abby, too. Abby's at least as imposing as we are."

Maria tapped her lover's head. "I think the intimidation factor goes down when you're physically attracted to each other. When you're in love, nothing matters."

"Huh. I've never been in love with a younger woman."

"You'd better not start!" Maria said, giving her lover a hearty, possessive squeeze.

***

At eleven o'clock, the phone rang, and Clancy reached across her futon to pick up. "Hi," she said.

"Do you miss me as much as I miss you?"

"Probably," Clancy said, feeling better just to hear Abby's voice. "I'm pretty competitive."

"Are you all right? I know this isn't what you hoped for when you fantasized about being with an older woman."

Clancy laughed. "No, I'd have to admit I never got off on thinking about jealous daughters. Luckily, you're worth it."

She said this with a great deal of confidence, and Abby started to feel some of her anxiety fade. "I think she's a little jealous," she agreed. "But she seems to feel betrayed. At least that's what I'm guessing."

"She didn't say?"

"No. I chased her around the house all day long, but all she did was lie on various pieces of furniture, listening to her iPod. She didn't say two words all day."

That would have worked for about five minutes at my house, Clancy thought, but she knew that Abby and Hayley had a different relationship than she had with her parents, and she tried not to judge Abby's style. "So, what do we do? Wait until she's ready to talk?"

"I … I guess so," Abby said, sounding very unsure of herself. "I haven't thought that far ahead. I have plans to have lunch with my friend Spencer tomorrow —"

"No tennis?"

"No. Ellen and Neil are out of town. Or at least that's what she told Maria. Other than seeing Spencer, I was just gonna hang around the house and hope my mere presence annoys Hayley enough to get her to talk."

"Can't make her, huh?" Clancy asked, grimacing when she heard the question come out of her mouth.

"Make her? How can you make someone talk about her feelings?"

Abby sounded truly puzzled, and Clancy knew it was pointless to go down this path. "You're right. You can't do that. Just wishful thinking."

"I hate to be apart, but I think I need to stay home until Hayley opens up. You do understand, don't you?"

"Yeah. Sure I do. You have to do what you think is right. And no matter what, she's gotta go back to school soon."

"Not for a month," Abby said. "Damn, now I'm upset that she's gonna be home for another month. I never thought I'd feel that way! I couldn't wait for her to come home."

"This is temporary, Abby. You're going through a rough patch. Don't stress about it too much."

"I don't know if that's possible," the older woman said. "Stress is one of the cornerstones of motherhood."

***

The next morning, Abby was lying in bed, unable to sleep and unwilling to get up. She'd gotten so delightfully used to having Clancy in bed with her that she now had a hard time falling asleep, and she woke before dawn, feeling cranky and depressed. The phone rang, and she reached out to grab it, wondering who had the nerve to call at 6:00 a.m. "Hello?"

"I know it's too early to call, but I figured you're not sleeping well anyway."

"Damn, you know me too well," Abby said, turning onto her back and lying down with a smile on her face. "You aren't calling to disown me, are you?"

"No, falling in love isn't going to do it. You're going to have to try harder if you want to be disowned."

"I knew you'd understand, Mom," Abby said, feeling her mother's love and warmth even at three thousand miles.

The older woman laughed. "I didn't say that, honey. I know it's not physically possible, but it felt like my jaw hit the floor when I read your letter. Aren't you supposed to figure out if you like men or women when you're a heck of a lot younger?"

"That's what they say," Abby said. "I guess I'm a late bloomer." She waited for a second, then asked, "Is Dad as nonchalant about this as you are?"

"You have met your father, haven't you?" Elizabeth Tudor asked. "He's never been nonchalant in his life."

"You know what I mean," Abby said. "How's he taking it?"

"Well … he loves you, honey, and he wants you to be happy. But he's not sure this is the right choice for you. It'll take him a while."

"Is he angry, upset? What's going on, Mom?"

"No, he's not angry, but he is upset. I didn't tell him I was calling you because I didn't want him to get on the phone and start lecturing you. I know you hate that."

"Hate's not a strong enough word," Abby said. "And I wouldn't take a lecture very well right now."

"That's what I figured. We'll just let him stew about this for a while, and you can talk to him when he's ready to listen. I told him to write to you, and I think he's going to. But don't read the letter if you don't want to have him tell you all the reasons you shouldn't do this."

"We've got a deal," Abby said. "He'd kill both of us if he knew you warned me when to throw his letters away."

"Oh, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body," Elizabeth said. "He just forgets that he can't talk to everyone like one of his students. He was a professor for far too long."

"But you're okay with this, Mom? Really okay with it?"

"Well … if I had my choice, I suppose I'd rather you found another man. I think that would be easier for you and for the kids. But I can't make your decisions, honey. And I know you wouldn't fall for someone who wasn't absolutely wonderful. So I'm confident this will all work out."

"Have I told you what a wonderful mother you are?" Abby asked, her voice breaking a little.

"Yes, honey, you have. But it's easy to be your mother. You've always been a great kid." Elizabeth cleared her throat dramatically. "Speaking of kids … how are you going to tell yours?"

With a sound between a gurgle and a groan, Abby said, "Hayley knows. Alyssa told her."

"Alyssa?"

"Yeah. Hard to believe that such a little girl could stir up such a mess. The poor thing was entirely innocent of course, but having Hayley find out that way has made this hellish."

"Oh, Abby, how horrible for you!"

"It's been bad," she admitted. "I wanted to have this all planned out, with all sorts of contingencies factored in. You know how I am, Mom."

"I do," Elizabeth said. "Maybe it wasn't wise for math and engineering nerds to have a child. You never stood a chance of being madcap."

"Well, the lesbian love at forty-five is pretty madcap," Abby reminded her. "But Hayley's very, very hurt, or angry, or confused or disappointed."

"Up to her old tricks, eh?"

"Yeah. She won't say a word. She just walks around the house and sighs dramatically every once in a while. I don't mean to make light of her feelings, but she's playing this like Camille."

"She has a flair for the dramatic," Elizabeth agreed, "but she's the quietest diva in the world."

Abby laughed. "That sums her up. So I don't know what to do but wait her out." She took in a heavy breath and asked, "How did I get old enough to have problems like this?"

"Don't ask me, honey. I refuse to believe I'm seventy-years-old. It's just not possible!" She laughed at her own incredulity and said, "I suppose we have to face reality, but I'm happier being in denial."

"I wish I could be in denial about this, but I have to tell Trevor now. I'm hoping he'll be more understanding than Hayley, but you never know."

"Oh, I'm sure Trevor will be all right. He'll be surprised, but he's always been a level-headed boy. He's so much like you, it isn't funny."

"That's true, Mom, but I don't know how I would have liked it if Dad had died when I was young and you showed up with a woman on your arm."

"A young woman," Elizabeth said, "only five years older than Trevor."

"Don't remind me," Abby moaned. "It's not gonna be fun." She thought for a second then said, "I'm surprised you haven't had more questions about this relationship. Are you really as matter-of-fact as you seem?"

"No, of course not," Elizabeth said, "but I'm not going to grill you over the phone. I want to talk about this in person. I can't get a good read on you unless I can see your eyes."

"When are you coming home, Mom? I'd love to get some advice on all of this, and it is hard when we can't see each other."

"Advice? My little girl wants advice?" Elizabeth laughed. "When was the last time you asked for that?"

"Honestly? I think it was when I asked you whether you thought I should go for my Ph.D. or settle for a masters."

"Hmm … that has been a while," Elizabeth agreed. "What did you think of my advice?"

"It was great. It helped me make up my mind."

"Wanna know a secret?"

"Sure."

"I thought you should have gone for your Ph.D."

"Mom! You told me to stop at a masters!"

"I know I did, honey. That's what you wanted me to say. I supported you."

"Sheesh! You think your mom will tell the truth!" Abby was laughing, and Elizabeth joined her.

"The truth isn't always the best thing. You had a baby, and you wanted to have another one or two. Going for a doctorate would have been stressful for all of you. I could tell you wanted support for your decision, so that's what I did."

"Thanks, Mom. That's a good reminder. You've got to know your audience."

"True. And you know yours. So get it over with and tell Trevor. By the time he gets home, Hayley should be speaking again, and you can get things settled before she goes back to school."

"Good idea. I'll write to him today."

"Don't they have telephones in Italy?"

"No, I don't think so," Abby said. "That's my story, and I'm sticking with it!"

***

Abby got up and didn't even bother to take a shower. Five minutes later, she was sitting in the kitchen, starting to compose her letter. She wasn't sure what to say, but she knew that the only way to reach Trevor was to tell him the complete, unvarnished truth. Surprisingly, as soon as she began, the words flowed from her in a stream.

Dear Trevor,

I have some good, but possibly upsetting news to share with you. Much to my surprise, I've fallen in love. I'm sure that you will have mixed feelings about my entering into a relationship with anyone, but this person might be harder than most to accept. I've fallen in love with Clancy …

***

Abby waved to her friend, Spencer, and he crossed the dining room to greet her. "I don't know what you've been doing, but keep doing it!" he said enthusiastically. "You look marvelous!"

"Oh, Spencer, you're always full of compliments."

He kissed her and sat down, looking at her critically while he placed his napkin on his lap. His dark blue suit was impeccably tailored and fit his gym-hardened body like a glove, and the competing stripes of his shirt and tie made him look both fashionable and handsome in an Ivy League sort of way. He swept his dark hair from his forehead in a habitual gesture and said, "I'll admit that I throw compliments around rather generously, but I'm being entirely sincere. You look better than you have in years." He lowered his voice and asked, "Did you have work done? I promise I won't tell a soul!"

Abby was caught flat-footed by his question. She laughed hard, making several other patrons turn to look at her. "Oh, God," she said, clutching her stomach. "That's priceless!"

"Anti-depressants?" he asked, unwilling to give up.

She reached out and took his hand. "Not technically, but I am feeling wonderful. I suppose that I'm as anti-depressed as I've been since Will died."

"Tell!"

"I will, honey, that's why I called you to have lunch. I have a big, big announcement."

"You're getting re-married!" He was bouncing around in his seat like a child, and Abby couldn't stop smiling at him.

"No … not yet, but I've met someone that I hope to spend the rest of my life with."

"That's fabulous!" He rose in his seat and kissed her again, then gave her a hug, dipping the end of his tie in his water glass because of the awkwardness of their positions. "Oh, God," he said, grabbing the wet fabric. "Hiroshi gave me this last week … from his trip to London. He'll kill me if I ruin it!" He blotted the water with his napkin and mumbled, "I'm going to take it to the dry cleaner the minute I leave here. Thank God I keep a few spares at my office." Abby just watched him, well used to her friend's flair for the dramatic. He fixed the damage as best he could then looked up at her. "Oh, my lord! You just told me fantastic news, and all I can do is worry about my tie! Tell me everything. And I do mean everything! I wanna know age, weight, height, length … and no cheating! I know how you women are!"

Abby started to laugh again, always amused by Spencer's ribald sense of humor. Playing along, she said, "Okay. Thirty years old. About five foot seven. Maybe a hundred and twenty or twenty-five pounds. And I'm not sure what length you want. Fingers?" She folded her hands under her chin and fixed him with a look of pure innocence.

He pushed her shoulder hard enough to make her chair rock. "Either you're going out with a tiny little man or you've become a daughter of Sappho!" He was squealing with delight. "I can't decide which one I'd like better! Seeing you with a thirty-year-old jockey or having you muff-dive!"

"I don't like horses, Spencer," she said with a wry smile. "I do, however, seem to like the ladies. Or, to be precise, lady. I'm not sure I'm ready to wave the lavender flag."

"I'm so excited, I could pee my pants!" He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his cell phone. "I have to call Hiroshi!"

Abby grabbed his arm. "I'd rather you didn't announce it to the whole restaurant. I can just imagine you. 'Can you hear me now? How about now? Abby's a dyke! Yes, a big old dyke!'"

"I'm the soul of discretion!" he said, feigning indignation. Nonetheless, he put his phone back into his pocket. "Okay, on the way to the cleaners, I'll call Hiroshi. He will die, Abby. He will absolutely die!"

"God, Spencer, I thought you'd be supportive, but I didn't think I'd make your day!"

"My week … at least!" he insisted. "Now you really have to tell me everything. I wanna know where you met her, what she does, what she looks like, how she is in bed … everything!"

Abby smiled at him rather enigmatically. "Do you honestly think I'd talk about having sex with the woman I love?"

"Why not?" he asked cheerily. "I've told you about Hiroshi."

"Yes, love, you have, and the images are still burned into my brain. But my entire personality hasn't changed because of this. My sexual orientation just veered off its usual course by a few degrees. I'm still a proper Pasadena matron."

"Oh, please," he laughed. "Proper Pasadena matrons have never been to a leather bar. Stephen told me you used to go to beer busts at the Eagle with him!"

"I was in college! That was almost thirty years ago. I've grown up. And just for the record, Stephen was a big tattletale!"

Spencer reached over and took Abby's hand, then surprised her by bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "Stephen would have been happy for you," he said softly. "How about Will? Would he have been bothered by your being with a woman?"

Abby smiled at him and tried not to cry. "No. Will wanted me to fall in love again. He would have been mad at me for waiting so long, to be honest. And I'm sure he wouldn't have cared whom I fell for – as long as I was happy."

"Are you?" he asked, gazing deeply into her eyes.

"Yes. I'm very, very happy, and if we can work some things out … she's the one, Spence. She's the one."

***

At around 6:00, Abby answered the phone, pleased to hear Pam's voice. "Hi. Can I drop by on my way home from work?"

"Work on Saturday?"

"Yeah. We're putting in a new system. I had to check some things out."

"Of course you can come by. Am I making you dinner?"

Laughing, Pam said, "I wish you were. But I have to get home. I'll only impose on you for a few minutes."

"You can stay all night if you want to."

"I'll be there in about … oh … four minutes," she said, hanging up with a laugh.

Abby walked outside and let the dogs accompany her for a change. Pam parked on the street and entered the pedestrian gate when Abby managed to get the dogs out of the way to open it. "Athena, Artemis. Paws!" The dogs looked at her as though she were the most heartless creature on earth. But they did as they were told and let Pam enter unmolested.

She squatted down and let them lick her face with Abby giving the threesome a resigned smirk. "You don't have to let them do that, you know."

Pam looked up at her while successfully avoiding having Athena stick her tongue in her mouth. "I know, but they act so disappointed when I don't let them kiss me."

"You've made your choice," Abby said. She hugged her friend when she stood, but refused to kiss her. "I won't kiss dog lips."

"I know, I know. But I can talk to you, and they only seem to understand physical affection."

Abby gave her a sad smile and put her arm around her waist. "I could use some physical affection, too. It's been a tough week."

Pam squeezed her waist, surprised, as always, at how small Abby felt when she hugged her. She was a tall, fit, broad-shouldered woman, but she felt very lanky and slight when Pam put her arms around her. "I came by to apologize for the other night. We all feel so bad about what happened."

"Pam, you know I don't blame Alyssa. She didn't know she wasn't supposed to say anything. A little girl doesn't understand the meaning of the word discretion."

"No, but her mothers should. We shouldn't have let her start answering the phone. I'm sure no one but Alyssa enjoys it, and it was stupid of us to let her do it just so we didn't have to listen to sales calls and charity pitches."

"You're being silly," Abby said. "If I could train the dogs to answer the phone, I'd do it in a minute. Now come sit on the porch with me. Maybe you have the secret to solving my problems."

They walked up to the porch and sat down, both of them gazing at the lawn and flowers for a few minutes. "Wanna tell me what's been going on? Last I knew, Clancy and Hayley had a fight."

Abby nodded. "That's about the last thing that happened. Since then, no real change."

"Uhm … it’s been two days. Something has to have happened since them."

"No, not really," Abby said. "Hayley's ignoring me, but torturing me by staying home almost every minute."

"What have you done to make her talk?"

"Make her?" Abby asked, looking a little blank. "Clancy asked the same thing, but I don't know –"

"Yes, make her! You can't walk around on pins and needles waiting for her to bring it up!"

"But that's not … I don't usually …"

Pam put her hand on her friend's arm. "Abby, I know you like to let the kids think things through in their own way, but this is different! She's holding you hostage!"

Abby sat for a minute, seeing the situation through Pam's eyes. "I guess you're right. She's holding both Clancy and me hostage. We're not seeing each other while Hayley's upset, and I know it's driving Clancy crazy."

"It'd drive me crazy," Pam said. "To be honest, I wouldn't let you get away with it. Clancy must be a lot more patient than I am."

Abby looked at her, considering her comment. "I don't … I don't think she is very patient, to tell the truth." She put her head into her hands. "Damn, I'm so afraid I'm gonna screw this up!"

"There's no reason to screw it up," Pam insisted. "You can either break it off with Clancy, and chalk it up to a bout of temporary insanity, or tell Hayley that she needs to learn how to deal with it. There really isn't a middle ground."

Not saying a word for over a minute, Abby finally said, "You're right. There is no middle ground." With a little of the normal spark in her eyes, Abby looked at Pam and said, "I’m gonna go into that house and break the ice. Hayley's not going to make me feel like a prisoner in my own home!"

***

Abby went inside and found her daughter lying on the sofa in the den, watching some pseudo-reality show on MTV. When she walked by the set, she turned off the TV and sat down, forcing Hayley to pull her feet up to avoid having them sat on. "We have to talk about what happened. You haven't said ten words to me since you found out about Clancy and me."

The girl looked at her for a long time, her clear blue eyes assessing Abby in a way that made her feel like she was under a microscope. "I don't have anything to say."

Abby let out a sigh and just managed to keep her eyes from rolling. "Yes, you do. You're obviously angry or upset or revolted or something!"

"That doesn't mean I have anything to say. I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?" Abby's voice grew a little louder, and she leaned closer to her child.

"Because we had an agreement," Hayley said, leaving her mother to grind her teeth in frustration.

"What agreement?"

"A couple of years ago, we had a big fight, and I said something that made you mad. You made me promise never to talk to you that way again. So … since I can't guarantee I'll be nice, I'm not gonna talk about it until I'm calm."

She looked a little too pleased with herself, which irritated Abby no end. "Fine. Since you won't talk, I'm going to live my life." She stood up and said, "I'm going to ask Clancy to come over for dinner."

Before she took a step, Hayley called out, "Mom! Please don't!"

Abby turned and saw not the smug young woman who was driving her mad but a frightened girl on the verge of panic. She sank back down onto the couch and opened her arms. Hayley scrambled into her embrace and cried, sounding like her heart had been broken. "Please don't, don't make me, please momma," she mumbled, crying hard.

Stroking her hair and rubbing her back, Abby tried to get the child to open up a little. "Don't what, honey? Tell me what's upsetting you."

"Don't have Clancy come over. Please, please don't. I can't stand to see you two together."

Abby lifted Hayley's chin, gazing into her red-rimmed eyes. "Tell me why," she said softly. "Tell me how you feel."

"I can't," she gasped, struggling for air. "I can't."

"Yes, you can, honey. You can tell me anything."

Hayley wriggled out of her mother's embrace. "I'm too mad!" she said, angry tears continuing to fall. "I'm furious with you and with her!"

"Tell me," Abby said, her own voice starting to rise.

"No!" She scrambled to her feet and stood there, her balance a little off because of the emotions running through her body. "I'm so mad I wanna hit you! I wanna grab you and shake you until you stop being so fucking stupid!" She spit the last words out, yelling so loudly that the dogs ran into the room and each crawled under a table, seeking safety.

"Tell me how I'm being stupid!" Abby demanded, leaping to her feet. "Say anything you want! Call me names! Just talk!"

Hayley's body swayed a bit, her cheeks blazing red. "I could call you names for a week, and you'd still be stupid! You don't love her! She doesn't love you! You're breaking up our family for her, and you don't even care! Is sex the only thing you care about?"

Abby was stunned. She blinked her eyes, absolutely nonplussed by Hayley's question. "Sex? You think this is about sex?"

"What else could it be? The men you should be with obviously can't do it like a thirty-year-old can. You'd rather get your brains fucked out than keep our family together." She took a step, her face just a few inches from her mother's. "You lied to me! You promised you'd keep us together no matter what! Daddy would hate you!" And with that, she ran from the room, crying so hard that she stumbled on the steps and wound up crawling up the last few to get to her room and slam the door.

Abby flopped back onto the sofa, ridiculously happy when Artemis and Athena carefully stuck their heads out of their hiding places and, bodies low, stealthily climbed onto the sofa with her, licking the tears that continued to flow down her cheeks.

***

Hayley didn't come down for dinner, and after a tearful, late-night conversation with Clancy, Abby tried to sleep. She tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, waking fully when she heard a noise at her door. She flipped on the light and saw a piece of paper lying on the floor. Getting up, she picked it up and read.

Dear Mom,

I'm very sorry for the way I yelled at you today. I don't ever want to talk to you that way again, and I really wish you would have let me keep my feelings to myself.

If you want me to leave, I will. I can stay with Gretchen if you want me out of your hair. But if I stay till school starts, I have to work things out for myself. I can't talk about this until I'm ready. Like I said, I'll leave if that drives you nuts, but I won't get into another fight about this. It hurts me too much, and I'm sure it hurts you, too.

I love you even when I'm mad at you, and I hope you still love me.

Hayley

Oh, Hayley, I love you more than you'll ever know. I'm frustrated with you, but I'll never, ever stop loving you.

***

Abby slipped a card under Hayley's door the next morning, professing her love for her and agreeing to let the girl work things out on her own timetable. Abby was glad for the blow-up even though it had been painful. At least she knew that Hayley was angry, and that she wasn't just trying to punish Abby for being with Clancy.

Strangely, Hayley's venting made her a little more communicative, and to Abby's great delight, she left the house for several hours in the afternoon, making the house seem less like a silent prison.

***

Though Abby felt a little better, the situation with Clancy wasn't improving. Abby still refused to go out, and she didn't feel comfortable having Clancy over. The next few days went by like weeks, and by Wednesday, Clancy was feeling anxious and irritable. On a whim, she called her parents, and they insisted she come up for dinner. Without even bothering to go home and change, she headed up to Sierra Madre, hoping that an evening with her family might brighten her mood.

She’d previously apprised her parents of the recent developments, but this was the first time they’d seen her, and they were all dismayed at how down she was as  well as by the black and blue smudge under her eye.

Her father took his usual turn at the grill, cooking some salmon steaks. Clancy sat in a chair and watched him work, allowing the familiar sights and sounds to soothe her. “Does this kid usually run the house?” John asked in his usual, direct style.

Clancy sipped at her beer and shook her head. “I don’t think so, Dad, but I’ve gotta admit, I’ve only seen the whole group together a few times. I’ve gotten the impression that Abby and Hayley have always gotten along really well — Abby assures me that Hayley isn’t a spoiled brat – even though she sure seems like one to me. I don't know either of them well enough to know if Abby doesn't know the kid's spoiled or if Hayley's really acting out of character.”

“How old’s the kid?”

“She’s gonna be eighteen this weekend.”

“Mmm … tough age. Still a kid, but feels like an adult.”

“Yeah.” Clancy picked at some dried bits of mortar that still clung to her shins. “I guess I’ve got to just keep my mouth shut and hope that Abby can work this out.”

“Have you seen her at all?”

She shook her head. “Just when she brings water out. I talk to her on the phone every night, though. That helps a little.”

“Darned little,” he grumbled.

She got up and gave him a hug, surprising him a little with her enthusiasm. “You know, I came up here because I thought you could cheer me up. But seeing that you’re pissed off, too, actually helps even more. Thanks for understanding, Dad.”

“Any time, baby. I’m good at pissed.”

***

After dinner, Clancy went into her grandmother’s room to play a little gin rummy. The older woman always beat her granddaughter like a drum, but the game allowed them to have a little diversion while they talked, so the normally competitive Clancy didn’t mind that she would, inevitably, lose.

“So, Bitsy,” Eileen said, “do ya feel as bad as ya look?”

The younger woman nodded, concentrating on her cards for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I do. Being in love can be hard, Gramma.”

Eileen chuckled softly and said, “Hell, yeah, it can be hard. That’s why God invented sex! If it wasn’t for that, nobody would fall in love.”

“I never looked at it that way,” Clancy said, smirking at her grandmother’s unique perspective.

“You do have sex with the woman, don’t ya, peanut?”

“Gramma!”

“All I’m saying is that if you’re not seeing her much, ya better be makin’ use of the time ya do have. Makin’ her want ya bad ain’t a bad strategy.”

Thoroughly embarrassed, the young woman said, “I think she misses me plenty, Gramma. We get along very well.”

“I still can’t figure out what the hell two girls can do in bed, but as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”

Patting her hand, Clancy said, “I’ll give you a book if you really want to know — but what Abby and I do in bed is one thing you and I are never going to discuss.”

“Be that way,” Eileen said, wrinkling up her nose. "Keep an old woman in the dark." A tiny smile crept onto her face as she slapped her cards down and cried, “Gin!”

“I can’t catch a break,” Clancy grumbled, dropping her cards onto the pile and starting to deal again.

“So, if you don’t want to talk about sex, there’s just one piece of advice I can give ya, Bitsy.”

“What’s that, Gramma?”

“You’re gonna have to be more patient with this woman than you’ve ever been before. Don’t push her, baby, or she’ll be gone faster than you can blink.”

“I have been patient, Gramma. I’ve been very patient. I haven’t even complained that we only see each other for five minutes a day — though I’m in her back yard.”

“I mean more than that, honey. I’m talking about the long haul. You don’t know what it’s like to be a mother, Clancy, and no matter how much you try to understand — you’ll never know if you don’t have kids of your own.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you’d better never … ever … try to get between a mother bear and her cubs.”

“I have no intention of —”

“Now, don’t get your dander up. I’m just trying to give you a little piece of advice; you can ignore me if you want to. I just don’t want you to have this get ruined because you didn’t know any better.”

“Are you saying that I have to just sit back and keep my mouth shut?” Clancy asked. “What if this goes on until Hayley goes back to school?”

“Look, honey, the only point I’m trying to make is that you have to let Abby make the choices here. If she and her girl have a serious falling out, you don’t want it to be because of your buttin' in. She’ll blame you for that, no matter how much she loves you.”

“I guess you’re right,” Clancy said, looking more depressed by the minute.

“Now, I’m not saying that you have to keep your mouth shut; I know you can’t do that,” Eileen said fondly. “Just try to give her as much time as you can to make her own decisions. She’s riskin' a hell of a lot more here than you are. Don’t make her regret it.”

The young woman nodded, her attention only peripherally on her cards. “I … I haven’t spent much time thinking of what Abby’s risking here,” she said. “When I look at it, though, it’s pretty scary.”

“Sure is,” Eileen said. “She’s got kids and parents and friends and relatives who are all used to her being a certain way. That’s a lot of people to disappoint, Bitsy. Have a little sympathy for her.”

“I do, Gramma,” Clancy said. “And no matter how frustrated I get, I’ll do my best to give her time. She’s worth all of the time in the world.”

“You really love her, don’t ya, honey?”

Clancy nodded. “I do. She means the world to me, Gramma. I’ll sacrifice whatever I have to in order to make her happy.”

“That’s my girl,” Eileen said, smiling at her granddaughter. “Gin!” she added, laughing heartily.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Abby answered the phone on Thursday morning and was surprised to hear Margaret O’Connor’s voice.

“Well, hello, Margaret.  I’m pleased to hear from you.”

“Did Clancy tell you she had dinner with us last night?”

“She did.  She said she felt much better after seeing you all, as a matter of fact.

“Oh, that’s good to know.  It’s obvious she’s having a tough time with this, but I started thinking this morning, and I realized that this has to be even harder for you.  Do you have people to talk to about this, Abby?”

Abby felt a few tears sting her eyes and she took in a deep breath.  “I think I see where Clancy gets her good-heartedness from. Yes, I told my parents, and I have friends who know the whole story.  They’re good listeners, too.”

“Why don’t you and I meet for lunch today?” Margaret offered.  “I’m worried about you.”

“All right.  Hayley’s taking my car this afternoon, but I’m free until about one or so.  Let me come up there — I know you can’t get away for long.”

“Great.  Come to my shop, and we’ll walk down the street to grab a bite.”

***

Abby parked her car right in front of O’Connor’s Floral Creations and smiled when she saw Margaret behind the counter.  “Oh, good, you’re here,” she said when Abby poked her head in.  She turned and called to the back, “Angela, I’m leaving now.  Be back in an hour,” then grabbed her bag and stepped around the counter to join Abby.

“So, this is where young Clancy spent her Saturdays,” Abby said, a fond smile on her face.

“This is it.  She was either here or putting in a pool someplace.”  She shook her head and said, “Most kids would call the authorities to complain about the child labor laws, but she liked to be with us.”

“I know.  She speaks fondly of those times.”  They left the shop and walked down the street, stopping at a small, authentic-looking 50s diner.

“Is this okay?” Margaret asked.  “It’s not fancy, but the chocolate malts are lethally good.”

“Looks great.”

“Does Clancy know you’re here?” Margaret asked when they stepped inside the cool, cozy space.

“No.  I, uhm … didn’t have time to tell her.”

“Well, she’ll be jealous.  She loves the malts here more than … more than trees, and that’s saying something!”

Abby smiled and pulled her cell phone from her purse, quickly dialing a number.  “Don’t eat lunch,” she said, smiling at Margaret.  “I’m bringing you a surprise.  Bye now.”  She clicked off and said, “Thanks.  I’ve been neglecting her horribly.  Maybe this will let her know I’m thinking of her.”

“She knows you love her, Abby,” Margaret said.  “I was pleased that you’ve told each other that, by the way.  It was pretty obvious when you were at our house.”

“I’m always the last to know,” Abby said.  “Sometimes my own feelings are very well-hidden from me.”

Their server came, and after ordering, Margaret leaned back in the booth and asked, “Are you making any progress with your daughter?”

“Not much,” Abby said, shaking her head.  “She’s worse than I am when it comes to talking about personal things.  We had one big blow-up, but that's about it. She's not rude, and she talks about things in general – but she won't talk about this until she feels ready.”

“Mmm … well, she’ll broach the subject at some point, won’t she?”

Abby played with the salt and pepper shakers, shifting them back and forth across the Formica nervously.  “I suppose so. But we might not resolve anything before she goes back to school.”

Margaret looked at her for a moment, seeing the lines of worry etched into her forehead.  “Abby, what do you see happening here?”

“What do you mean?”

“What’s your wish for how this will play out?  What would you like to have happen?”

“Oh.”  She looked up at her and cocked her head in thought.  “I’m hoping that Hayley comes to accept Clancy, and that we can get on with our lives.”

“What about your son?”

“Oh.  Well, Trevor is in Europe for the rest of the summer. I wrote to him, but I haven't heard back." She sucked at her cheek, and Margaret could see her working the skin between her teeth. "I hope he takes it better than Hayley did.”

Margaret shot her a worried glance and followed up.  “What if he doesn't?  Your friends and neighbors will all learn about this, too, Abby, and the rest of your family.  Haven’t you given any thought to how you'll handle all of that?”

“No,” she mumbled.  “This is all so new to me, Margaret.  Clancy and I just said we loved each other the day before Hayley came back.  I’m … I’m doing the best I can.”

Margaret reached across the table and grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze.  “I’m not criticizing you, Abby.  I just don’t want my little girl to get hurt if you decide you can’t be with her — for whatever reason.  It worries me that you haven’t given much thought to the long term.”

“I guess we haven’t,” she said quietly.  “I suppose I thought things would just work out as we encountered problems.”

“I hope you know that I’m on your side.  I want this to work out — because it’s what Clancy wants.  But there are things you two have to agree upon if you’re going to be successful.”

“Like what?” Abby asked, looking up at her through a lock of hair that had fallen in her face.  She looked like a teenager who was being scolded for not having her homework done, and Margaret suddenly felt thirty years older than her companion.

“Do you want to live together?  Are you ready to welcome Clancy into your social circle?  Do you feel comfortable with her friends?  And what about children?  Clancy loves kids.  Are you ready to start over and have another baby in the house?”

The questions were making Abby’s head hurt, and she cursed at herself for having agreed to this lunch at all.  “We haven’t discussed any of that.  I just know that I love her, and I’ll do anything to make her happy.”

“No, you won’t.”  Margaret leveled her gaze and said, “You’re a mother.  I can see how much you love your children.  If the decision comes down to Clancy or your kids, I think we both know that Clancy’s going to lose.”

“It won’t come to that,” Abby said firmly.  “My kids love me, and once they see that this makes me happy, they won’t stand in the way.”

“I hope your kids are extraordinary,” she said softly, “because most kids think of themselves first — and their parents last.”

***

Abby walked into the house at one o’clock, and Hayley jumped to her feet.  “Where’ve you been?  I’m gonna be late!”

Feeling perturbed at the young woman, Abby just placed her keys on the counter and said, “Then get going.”  She walked out to the patio and called, “Clancy!  I brought you lunch!”

When she turned back around, Hayley was looking at her, a contrite smile on her face.  “Sorry, Mom.  I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“That’s all right.  My nerves are a little on edge, too. Will I see you later?”

“Mmm … not sure.  Do you need a definite answer?”

“No.  I can make something simple for dinner.  I’ll see you when I see you.”

Clancy came stomping across the patio just then, trying to knock some mud from her boots.  She looked up and nodded to Hayley, who nodded back, then gave her mother a quick kiss and took off.  “Well, that was progress,” Clancy said.  “She didn’t belt me.”

Abby smiled, but otherwise ignored the comment.  “I brought you a little treat,” she said, extending the malt and a white bag.

Ripping off her gloves, the younger woman took a long sip, rolling her eyes in pleasure.  “Where did you get this?”

“Sierra Madre. Your mother invited me to lunch.”

“This'd better be a double cheeseburger,” she said, eyes sparkling as she hefted the bag.

“It is.  Want me to put the fries in the broiler to crisp them up?”

“No, thanks.  My stomach’s not at all picky.”  She started to wolf down the meal, eating faster than Abby had ever seen her.

“Were you really starving?” she asked.

“Hell, yes!  I normally eat at 11:00 or 11:30, but we were trying to use up this batch of mortar before lunch.  Then you called, so I’m two hours overdue!”  Swallowing a bit of the thick malt, she asked, “So what’s up with you and my mom?  Are you conspiring against me?”

“Hardly.  She’s just concerned for us and for me.  She’s a very caring woman.”

“She is,” Clancy agreed.  “I see that much more now that I’m out of the house.  It’s hard to view your mom objectively when you live together.” Clancy put her head down and paired bites of her burger with sips of her malt, finishing both before Abby could believe her eyes. She stood and stretched, then burped noisily.  “Good meal,” she said, patting her stomach.  “Thanks for taking care of the laborer. I’ve got to get back to work — the guys took their lunch at the normal time, and I’m in charge of setting the stones.”

“Hey, Clancy?” Abby asked quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Do you have any plans for the weekend?  I, uhm … I’d really like to see you.”

Looking at her curiously, Clancy said, “You can see me any time you want.  Don’t you know that?”

“I suppose I do,” she said tentatively.  “It’s … you haven’t … well, you haven’t brought it up …”

Clancy stepped closer and said, “Look, Abby.  I’m not the kind of woman who’s gonna beg you to spend time with me.  You’re the one with the issue here.  I’d be with you every moment if you wanted me to be.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, biting her lower lip to keep her emotions in check.  “I just miss you.”

Running her callused hand along Abby’s arm, Clancy met her eyes and said softly, “I miss you, too.  When do you want to get together?”

“Uhm … if her schedule holds, Hayley’s going to invite some of her high school friends over for a barbeque on Saturday night.  Are you free in the afternoon?”

“No, but I can get free.”

“What did you have planned?” Abby asked.

“Oh, it’s a friend’s birthday party.  A bunch of people I know are having a big bash for her.  It won’t kill me to miss it.”

“No, you should go.  You’ve already accepted the invitation, right?”

“Yeah.”  She looked down at her boots and said, “You could go with me.”

Abby smiled and nodded.  “It’s a date.”

***

That night, Clancy headed out to bowl in her league. She'd already told the whole team about Abby, and they were all interested in the latest developments. The five-some gathered around her, heads together, while Clancy told all.

She felt better for having a group of friends she could talk to, and all of them were sympathetic to her plight. With various expressions of "good luck," the claque spread out and began to lace up their shoes.

They were about half-way through the first game when Clancy's friend Janet sat down next to her and handed her a beer. "Thanks," Clancy said, taking a drink. "I'm glad I was able to come tonight. I feel a lot better."

"I'm glad," Janet said, clinking the neck of her bottle against her friend's. She gave Clancy a tentative smile, looking like she wanted to speak but unable to start.

"Spill it," Clancy said, giving her a wry smile. "I know you wanna give me some advice."

Eyes wide, Janet said, "No, no, not advice … exactly. I'm just … I'm worried about you, Clance. You've never had a lover like this, and I …"

"Go on," Clancy said, nudging her friend with her shoulder. "I don't mind."

Janet, looking much more relaxed, scooted around so she faced Clancy. This gave them a little bit of privacy on the long, L-shaped bench. "Donna took me to hell and back for six years, and I don't want something like that to happen to you."

Clancy gave her friend a wry laugh. "I don't wanna go to hell, but if I do, I'd sure like to come back."

Giving her a playful slap, Janet said, "I'm being serious. I don't want you to get fucked over."

Standing, Clancy said, "I’m up. Be right back." She bowled the frame, then returned, sliding onto the molded plastic seat. "Go."

"Okay. Here's the deal. Donna loved me; I know she did. But she could never get off the fence. She couldn't ignore the religious crap she'd been fed, she couldn't ever get up the nerve to tell her family, she couldn't tell the people she worked with. It was always something … and it always sucked!"

"But you stayed with her for six years," Clancy said. "It couldn't have always sucked."

"No, of course it didn't. But I was stupid. I kept trying to get her to give me something she couldn't give."

Clancy put her arm around her friend's shoulders and pulled her close. "I seem to remember that you had to practically hold a gun to her head to get her to have sex."

"Yeah," Janet admitted. "She could only really let go if she got carried away for some reason, or when she was drunk."

Giving her a half-smile, Clancy said, "Well, being drunk always helps." Janet's eyes widened, and Clancy said, "I'm kidding. I prefer to have sex when I'm sober." She waited a beat and added, "So does Abby."

"But she's weird about it, right?" Janet asked.

"No, she isn't," Clancy said. "Not at all. She actually made the first move the first time we made love. And even though we have some tense moments, they're just moments. She loves to have sex with me, Janet. A lot," she added for emphasis.

"But it's only been a few weeks," Janet warned.

"True. But if she stops wanting to kiss me and touch me, we're gonna get to the bottom of it. I'm not going to stay with her if she doesn't feel good about having sex. Period."

Clancy's gray eyes were cool and determined, and Janet nodded. "Okay, bud. I don't wanna tell you what to do … really. I just want you to be on your toes."

"I am," Clancy said. "I love Abby more than I've ever loved another woman, but I'm not gonna give up sex to keep her. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us. If she's not cool with lesbian sex, she should find another man and I should find another woman."

Janet slapped her hard on the leg. "That's good to hear." She got up to take her turn and planted a kiss on Clancy's head. "I hope you can stick to your guns. I couldn't."

***

On the drive home, Clancy keep mulling over Janet's comments. I think I've got this all figured out, but if Abby starts having second thoughts, I'm really not sure I’d have the guts to leave her. How do you leave someone you love so much?

***

Abby stuck her head out the back door just as the crew was finishing up on Friday. "Clancy? Got a minute?"

The landscaper nodded and waved goodbye to her men, then walked over to the house. She kicked off the dirt caked onto her boots, then removed them before she went inside. As always, she was greeted by a pair of joyous pups, and she looked up from their adulation to ask, "Hayley gone?"

"Yeah. She went to Old Pasadena for dinner and a movie. Are you busy tonight?"

"No," Clancy said, feeling a little resentful that Abby would only see her if Hayley was out of the house.

"I'm going over to Pam and Maria's, and I thought you might like to go with me."

Raising an eyebrow, Clancy asked, "Can I get the first lick in?"

"Lick?"

"We're going over to beat the snot out of Alyssa, right?" She broke into laughter as soon as she said it, making Abby laugh as well.

"No, apparently she's feeling bad enough without being beaten. She thinks she's made Hayley hate me. Maria says she asks about me every day, and she prays for Hayley and me at night."

"Not me, huh?"

Abby helplessly shrugged her shoulders. "You know how kids are. She relates to the mother/child thing."

"Are you sure you want me to go?"

Looking at her for a moment, Abby said, "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't." She reached out and touched Clancy's shoulder. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah." The architect squatted down to play with the dogs again. "I'll go home and shower, then swing by to get you."

"I could walk …"

"No way. That's what you did last time; I don't wanna jinx this visit."

***

Clancy returned about an hour later, and Abby still felt that her partner was acting a little strange. But Clancy wasn't very chatty, and Abby didn't think it wise to press the issue. She knew that Clancy was pretty direct and assumed the younger woman would talk about what was bothering her eventually – if anything was. The short drive to her friends’ home passed in awkward silence.

The adults were all a little uncomfortable with each other, given the way their last gathering had ended, but Alyssa acted both sad and withdrawn for a good, long time. Abby tried to draw her out, to no end, but Clancy eventually convinced her to show her some of her toys. They were gone for a while, and Abby and Pam eventually went down the hall to peek in. Clancy was sitting on the floor, and Alyssa was taking her temperature while listening to her heartbeat with a real stethoscope.

"I hope Maria never brings home scalpels," Pam whispered, making Abby suppress a giggle. They tiptoed away, speaking in their normal voices when they got to the living room.  “Clancy’s really good with her,” Pam said.

“Well, she’s the closest in age,” Abby said, smirking.  “No, that wasn’t a jibe,” she insisted when Maria gave her a look.  “I mean that in the best way.  There’s a lot of kid left in Clancy, and I hope it stays there for a very long time.”

“She’s helping to bring out the kid in you again, Abby,” Pam said.  “It’s been gone for quite a while.”

“Since Will died,” she said quietly.  “It’s funny,” she said after a moment of reflection, “I knew that I wasn’t enjoying life like I used to, but things just didn’t seem fun to me anymore.  I couldn’t understand how the world kept turning and how people continued to go on with their lives like nothing had happened.  I couldn’t see what was so damned entertaining.”  She gazed towards Alyssa's room, a gentle smile blooming on her mouth. “When I’m with her, I see the humor in things again.  Everything is brighter and more colorful when we’re together.”  She looked thoughtful as she added, “I never thought I’d say this, but she’s worth every bit of the trouble I'm having with Hayley.  I feel centered, and desired, and vibrant again.  Getting that is worth risking everything.”

“You deserve that, Abby,” Pam agreed. "Everyone does."

***

Clancy and Alyssa finally returned, and Abby noticed that Clancy now sported plastic bandages on both of her hands. "We missed you two," she said. She gestured to Alyssa, and with a bit of hesitation, the girl walked over to her and allowed Abby to pull her onto her lap. “Your moms bought all of the things we need to make steak enchiladas," she said, "but they don't know how to make them. Wanna help me?"

"What do I have to do?" the girl asked. "I don't know much."

"I need someone to make the tortillas. You know – Hayley's job."

The little girl gave her a puzzled look, then shot a quick glance to her moms, and when they each gave her an encouraging nod, she got up and took Abby’s hand. “Will you show me how?”

“Of course I will,” Abby assured her, draping an arm across her narrow shoulders.  They went into the kitchen, leaving Clancy to wish she could tag along. When they got there, Abby commented, “You know, I think Hayley was about your age when she started being a big help in the kitchen.  Making tortillas was one of her first accomplishments.”

“Do you really think I can?” Allysa asked, eyes wide.

“Yep.  I know you love ‘em, so why not learn how to make ‘em?”

The delight in the little girl’s eyes was almost too much for Abby to witness, recalling how proud Hayley was of herself the first time she perfected the technique.  Will had made such a fuss over the child — promising to substitute tortillas for bread from that moment on — that Hayley willingly helped in the kitchen at every occasion.

Abby explained and demonstrated the technique to Alyssa, smiling when the child studied her with her usual laser-like focus, then tried her hand.  The small hands kneaded the dough into suppleness, then formed irregular, rough rounds.  She watched, fascinated, while Abby put them in a tortilla press and cooked them briefly on a hot, dry griddle, then swooned when Abby spooned a dollop of guacamole onto a still-warm tortilla and fed her a bite.  “That’s the best thing I ever ate!” she cried excitedly.  “Can I give some to my moms?”

“Sure, honey.  I’ll cook the rest while you’re gone.”

“No!  Don’t do another one until I get back!” she ordered, scampering to the living room to deliver her creation.  She was back in a flash, beaming proudly.  “They loved ‘em!”

“Of course they did,” Abby said, giving her a warm hug.  “The next time I want tortillas, I’m calling you!”

The glee vanished immediately from Alyssa’s features.  “Won’t Hayley ever do it again?”

Abby sat on a step-stool to equalize their heights, then placed her hands on Alyssa’s shoulders.  “Of course she will, honey.  She’s just unhappy right now.”

“ ‘Cause of Clancy,” she said quietly.  “And ‘cause I told her you like girls.”

“Hey, sweetie,” Abby said, lifting her chin to force eye contact.  “I don’t know where you got that idea, but it’s not true.  Hayley and I are just having a fight.  This is about us — Hayley and me. It has nothing to do with you, baby I promise you.”

“But I told … she wouldn’t know …”

“Also not true.  I was going to tell her that night or the next night, Alyssa.  She would have been mad whether I told her, or you did.  I mean that.”

“Why is she mad?” Alyssa asked, staring at Abby guilelessly.  “Is it because you like girls now?  My moms like girls … does she still like them?”

Abby wrapped her in a hug, closing her eyes tightly to avoid crying.  She rocked her gently, cooing into her ear, “Of course she likes your moms, honey.  She’s … she’s just having a hard time.”

Reflecting her current fascination with fathers and her lack of one, she said quietly, “Maybe she misses her daddy.”

Patting her gently, Abby nodded.  “I’m sure she does, honey.  I miss him, too.”

“But you have Clancy now, huh?”

“I do,” Abby said.  “Clancy makes me happy, very happy.”

“Maybe Hayley needs a Clancy, too,” the little girl said thoughtfully.

That’s part of the problem!

***

After exhausting their knowledge of current events and the never-changing weather, Maria tried to keep the conversation flowing in the living room. She tossed off what sounded like a casual comment, when it was, in fact, anything but casual. Nonetheless, she thought she could pull it off, given the dearth of topics to broach. "Clancy, I feel totally ignorant about your profession. We'd love to know more about what you do."

"Sure," the young woman said, still sitting on the chair like her underwear was too tight. "What do you want to know?"

"Well … do you have a post-graduate degree of some sort?"

"No. I went to Cal-Poly Pomona. It's a four-year degree program. You can get a master's degree, but I don't have one."

"Do you have a license?" Maria asked.

"Yeah," Clancy said, looking wary. "Why?"

"Oh! Well, I was talking to someone, and she … well … uhm … she said that most landscape architects don't …" She trailed off, feeling Clancy's gray eyes boring into her.

"Why don't you ask me what you really wanna know?" she asked, suddenly looking completely comfortable. She leaned forward and put her forearms on her knees. "Come on, ask."

Maria felt like she was being interrogated for a murder she didn't commit. A quick glance at Pam didn't help, since her partner was investigating the stucco ceiling with great interest. "I, uhm … looked on the Internet … just because I wanted to know more about what you do –"

"Don't bullshit me, Maria," Clancy said flatly. "I hate bullshit."

The doctor knew she was caught, so she gathered her courage and told the truth. "Fine. We don't know anything about you, and we asked around a little bit. I talked to a guy who's a pretty well-known landscape architect, and he said he'd never heard of you. He also said you sounded more like a garden designer than an architect. I thought … well, I thought you might have been lying to Abby. I wanted to check to make sure you are who you said you were."

The blonde leaned back in her chair. "Thanks for being honest." She crossed an ankle over her knee and stared at Maria again. "I am a landscape architect, but I'm not a typical one."

"What … what does that mean?"

"That means," Clancy said, "that I wanted to be trained and qualified to do the kinds of projects that interest me. My dad's company does water features, and I like to do them, too. But I didn't want some asshole with manicured fingernails and an L.L. Bean briefcase to tell me how he wanted me to do it. I wanted to be able to do the design and make sure the drainage was correct and make sure the soil was stable. That's what an architect does."

"But … Abby says you're out in her yard digging and working harder than your staff …"

Clancy sat up a little taller and said, "That's because I like to do that kind of work. I like to get my hands dirty. I like to plant, not just tell someone else what to plant. I like to sweat and have big muscles and callused hands. I don't have to … I want to. I could work for a well-known firm and just sit in front of a computer all day doing the designing," she made a face, showing her distaste for such a job, "but I'd rather work on a chain-gang. I like being outside every single day. I like being my own boss. I like lying under a shade tree with my crew while we each lunch. That's who I am."

"I wasn't implying—"

"Yes, you were," Clancy said, interrupting her. "You don't want Abby to be with some grimy kid who plays in the dirt. You don't mind if she eats pussy, you just want her to eat the proper pussy." She stood up, looking much taller than her height. "Well, I might not be from an old Pasadena family, but Abby loves me. And if you want her to be happy, you'll get over yourselves and try to get to know me – 'cause I'm not going anywhere!" With that, she went into the bathroom, leaving Pam and Maria to stare at each other.

"I told you not to meddle," Pam said slowly.

"Fuck!" Maria slapped herself in the head. "Abby's gonna kill me!"

Pam walked over and put her arm around her lover. "No, she won't. I don't think Clancy'll tell her."

"What?"

"You heard me. I think she’ll keep this among us. There's something about that kid that makes me think she won't want Abby to know about this."

“Why?” Maria asked, looking at Pam like she was delusional. “You saw how mad she was!”

“Yeah, she’s mad all right, but telling Abby would only make Abby mad, too. I don’t think Clancy would do that.” She extended a hand and helped Maria to her feet. “You were right about Clancy. She’s a lot more mature than she looks.” She kissed her lover on the cheek. “You should have remembered that before you tried to trap her. Now go catch her and apologize when she comes out of the bathroom. I’ll go into the kitchen and make sure no one interrupts.”

“I screwed up, didn’t I?” Maria asked.

“Yeah, you did, but I think we learned a lot about Clancy tonight. Not the way I would have liked to learn that she can take care of herself, but …”

"I just hope to God that she doesn’t tell Abby," Maria said. "'Cause she'd kick my ass if she found out!"

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Abby picked up the phone on Saturday morning, catching it quickly so the ringing wouldn’t wake Hayley. "Hello?"

"Hi. Pam here. I uhm … was just calling to make sure you wanted to play today."

Waiting a beat, considering whether she was missing something, Abby asked, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Uhm … I didn't know if you wanted to see Ellen. I know you're …"

"Pam, if I were going to cancel, I would have called. And, for the record, I'm not going to stop doing something I enjoy just because I'm upset with Ellen. If she wants to quit that's her choice, but we've all been playing for ten years, and I'm not going to stop until my knees give out."

Laughing, Pam said, "I don't know why I bothered to call. If I had thought about it for two minutes, I would have known that you wouldn't quit over this."

"Tell Maria she owes you one for making you call," Abby said, laughing evilly.

***

Ellen flinched noticeably when Abby came up behind her in the locker room and said, "Ready to go?"

The older woman turned and tried to keep the surprise from showing. "Yeah," she said, sounding excessively enthusiastic. "The usual, or should we flip a coin for teams?"

"Let's flip," Abby said, hoping she'd be paired with either Pam or Maria.

***

She got her wish and was paired with Maria. Among the four of them, Abby was at the top of the depth chart, with Ellen and Pam a step below her. But Maria was a little heavy, a little slow, and had neither finesse nor strength. She played mostly to get some form of regular exercise and to take off the weight she had gained with Alyssa – a goal she predicted would take her until Alyssa was in college.

But Abby didn't mind being paired with Maria. It allowed her to really let loose and show her stuff – something she didn't do very often. She covered the court like a blanket, sliding over into Maria's territory time and again to whip the ball back over the net with her slicing backhand. She called out "mine" so many times, that Maria started to get out of the way whenever she would have had to run to hit a return shot.

By the end of the match, Abby and Maria had trounced their opponents, and Maria had barely broken a sweat. Walking off the court, Maria put her hand on Abby's sweaty shoulder and said, "Can I be your partner forever? I think that was the most fun I've ever had on a tennis court."

"I was a little afraid I was insulting you, but when you started to call ‘yours’ I figured you didn't mind."

"Mind? Are you kidding? I would've been happy to hand you my racket so you could have covered the whole court!"

***

The foursome almost always ate lunch at the club, but Abby approached Ellen on the way to the clubhouse and said, "Would you be willing to have lunch with me – alone?"

Ellen looked at her watch, and Abby could tell that she was trying to quickly fabricate an excuse to decline.

Staring at her, her blue eyes intent, Abby said, "We've been friends for twenty-six years, Ellen. That's gotta be worth something."

Ellen let out a breath, then nodded. "You're right. Do you wanna eat here or go somewhere else?"

"I'd just as soon stay. Is that all right?"

"Sure. Let's tell the girls."

***

They were more than a little awkward with each other, trying to smile and banter a little about the match. But they both knew there was only one topic on the table, and Abby finally broached it. "We need to talk about our future – as friends."

"I know. I haven't wanted to, but you're right. We need to." She folded her hands on the table and waited for Abby to begin.

Their server walked by and indicated he’d be with them in a moment. Ellen spoke to him, then put her napkin on her lap. Abby watched her, noticing that her friend needed to have her hair touched up. Direct sunlight is no friend to dark hair dye, she thought, struck with the fleeting desire to tell her friend that her hair looked awful, just to hurt her. But she shook off the urge, knowing that was not only beneath her, it was also counterproductive. She focused her thoughts and said, "I've thought a lot about our argument, and I still can't understand why you were so angry with me. Then I thought that I might just have caught you off-guard. So … I wanted to see where things stand now."

Ellen looked down, then leaned back when their server arrived with water and menus. She gave him a quick glance and said, "I'd like a cobb salad and an iced tea. Abby?"

"That's fine," she said.

He nodded and jotted down their order, then walked away, leaving Ellen without any more excuses to delay. She looked at Abby, but her gaze didn't bear its usual openness. "I'm not angry anymore." Her fingers moved nervously on the tablecloth, brushing off specks of dust. "I can't say why I was angry in the first place, to be honest. I suppose I was so shocked that I let my mouth get away from me."

Abby smiled at her, unsuccessfully trying to hold her gaze. "You've had a little while to digest the news. What do you think now?"

"I … I have to say that I hoped you'd have come to your senses by now," Ellen said, her posture starting to indicate a combative attitude. "Have you told the kids?"

Abby nodded, choosing to ignore the initial insult. "Hayley knows, and I wrote to Trevor. I haven't heard back from him."

With a smile that looked far too much like a gloat, Ellen asked, "How did Hayley take it?"

"Not very well," Abby said, deciding to be honest. "She's not ready to talk about it much, but it's still very early. I'm confident we'll work things out."

"What if you don't?" Ellen asked, her face obscured by the waiter's white shirt as he placed their drinks on the table.

Abby picked up her tea and took a sip, looking over the rim of the glass. "We have to. We're family."

Frustrated, Ellen leaned back in her chair, blowing out a deep breath. "Why do this?" she asked, looking tired and every day of her fifty-three years. "Why put your kids through any more than they've already been through?"

With a smile that bridged curiosity and annoyance, Abby asked, "Why is my love life dependent on the approval of my kids?"

"Because this isn't a normal way to express your love," Ellen said, clearly exasperated.

Abby sat back in her chair, looking at her friend for nearly a minute before she managed to speak. "How dare you! How can you say you're Pam and Maria's friend?"

"This isn't because of the gay thing," the older woman hissed, whispering "gay". "There's nothing wrong with being gay – if you're gay! But you're not!"

"Do you hear yourself?" Abby asked. "You are sitting here telling me what my sexual orientation is. Where do you get off?"

"Look!" Ellen said, leaning across the table so she could talk quietly. "I've known you for twenty-six years! I knew you before you were married to Will! If you were faking it, you were the best damned actress of the eighties and the nineties!"

"Faking what? Faking my love?"

"Yes!"

"Jesus Christ, Ellen! Don't you know anything about sexuality?"

"Of course I do," she replied, clearly angry. "And you're heterosexual!"

"You know me well," Abby said, "but you don't know my sexual self. I had a real sex life before I met Will, and I've had a fantasy life before, during, and after my marriage."

"What are you saying?" Ellen asked, her mouth dropping open.

"I'm saying that Clancy isn't the first woman I've kissed."

"So you kissed a girl! Big deal!"

"I did more than kiss her," Abby said, eyes blazing. "We kissed – passionately, not for a lark. I touched her breasts, and she touched mine. I was in the middle of unzipping her pants when my roommate walked in."

Ellen stared at her, looking suspicious. "So, why didn't you do it the next time you and this other woman saw each other?"

"Because I met Will shortly after that happened." Her expression gentled, and her gaze shifted to look at the beauty of the San Gabriel Mountains in the distance. "I fell in love with him, and once I did … I didn't want anyone else – man or woman."

"So you could have been a lesbian … if your roommate hadn't walked in." Ellen was clearly not buying it, her skepticism serving to annoy Abby more by the minute.

"I guess I could have been. If I'd been sleeping with the girl I'm talking about, I suppose I wouldn't have accepted a date from Will."

"Your whole sexual identity is based on a cosmic accident? There's no way for me to understand that," Ellen said.

"You have heard of bisexuality, haven't you?" Abby asked unkindly.

"Yes, Abby, I've heard of it." The server arrived with their salads, deposited them, and departed, but neither woman took a bite.

"I didn't have the need or the opportunity to explore it, but falling in love with Clancy has let me see that I'm bisexual. It's not that big a deal."

"It is to Hayley," she snapped.

"Why don't you let me worry about my kids, and you can worry about yours. Okay?"

Ellen took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself. "Look, I knew Will before he met you. I was at the hospital when both of your kids were born. I've been at every birthday party, every graduation, every significant event in your family's life. Don't expect me to just fall in line when I know you're doing something that will forever damage your family! I love you too much to let this pass!"

"What am I supposed to do, have the kids screen my dates? What if they like someone at first, but get angry with him or her a year later? Do I have to break up with the person?" She paused, and cocked her head. "Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds?"

"Hayley's a good kid, and she loves you to death. She's also very comfortable around gay people. If she thought Clancy was a decent person, she wouldn't have a problem with this!"

"You don't know what you're talking about," Abby said. "And I'm not going to betray Hayley's confidences by telling you what she's upset about. Suffice it to say that it's not because of Clancy's character."

"Speaking of character, what do you even know about this woman?"

"I know her very, very well," Abby said. "Better than I knew Will when I slept with him the first time."

"And you love her," Ellen said pugnaciously.

"I do."

"Tell me why?" Ellen asked. "Tell me why you love her."

Abby blew out a breath, and reminded herself that she and Ellen really did have a long friendship, and that her friend had been unflagging in her support after Will's death. "Okay," she said, "I will." She took another sip of her tea, thinking about her feelings for Clancy. "Here goes. I love her because she's kind and generous and funny and smart. Not in a bookish way, but she knows about life and she knows people. She's very intuitive about people. And I love the way she gets pleasure from simple things. She's a lot like me in that way. She's happy to sit outside and enjoy nature." She looked up at the clear, dry, blue sky, thinking. "I love her because she's honest, about her feelings and about her work. She works hard – harder than she has to – but she enjoys it. She likes to earn her living, not just wait for the day to be over. I also love the fact that she's a loving daughter and granddaughter. She's proud of her family, and that's a very endearing trait." Abby looked right into her friend's eyes and added, "And I think she's just about the prettiest woman I've ever seen. When I look at her, sometimes she takes my breath away." Her cheeks flushed when she admitted to this, but she wanted Ellen to know – to really know – how she felt.

Her friend looked at her for a moment, and Abby was completely unable to read her expression. With her voice calm and interested, she asked, "How does she make you feel?"

"Feel?"

"Yeah. How do you feel when you're together?"

"Oh. Well … I …" Abby laughed and shook her head a little bit. "I've never thought about it like that." She grew pensive, then said, "She makes me feel lovable again. I was so down," she said, her face filled with pain from merely recalling that time. "I thought I'd never feel loved again, but in a very short time I started looking forward to seeing her. Then I started to miss her when I didn't see her. Then … then she became all I thought about." She smiled, looking young and vibrant. "That's where I still am," she admitted.

"But how do you feel?" Ellen persisted.

"I … I feel wonderful," Abby said. "Like I'm starting my life over again, in a way. But in another way, I feel like we've been together forever. We fit so well." Looking at Ellen, she realized she wasn't answering the question. "I … guess I don't know how to explain how it feels to be in love again. All I know is that she smiles when she sees me, and it makes my heart race. When we're out together, she'll barely touch me and I feel tingly all over." She shrugged, looking helpless. "I don't know what else to say, Ellen. She makes me feel loved and cared for and pretty and sexy and desirable. Just like every woman should feel when she falls in love."

Ellen had been watching Abby carefully while she spoke, and her expression hadn't changed much from the beginning of the explanation to the end of it. It was still hard for Abby to tell what she was thinking, but she soon found out.

"What's in this for her?"

"For her?" Abby looked at her companion like she was speaking another language.

"Yes. For her. How would you feel if Trevor started dating a forty-year-old woman? Wouldn't you wonder why?"

Nonplussed, Abby sat quietly for a few moments. "I suppose I would." She looked at her friend. "But I trust my son. I trust his judgment. If he were to fall in love with an older woman, I'd assume he was getting what he needed from her. What else can you do?"

"Well, you don't treat your kids like I treat mine," Ellen said. "I'd make sure he knew what he was losing by being with someone so much older. We're not talking a few years here, Abby; we're talking a generation!"

"I know I'm just a few years younger than Clancy's mother," Abby admitted, "but I can't let that bother me. I have to let my heart tell me what's right for me."

"And Clancy?"

"Her heart has to guide her. And I believe that she knows the downside of being with me."

Ellen leaned forward, looking empathetic. "Are you sure she's not using you? I mean … please, please don't take this the wrong way, but why would she want someone your age if she could have a young woman? I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror, but I don't recognize myself anymore!"

Abby looked at her friend, wondering where to start. She was insulted for herself and also on Clancy’s behalf, but it was clear that Ellen's concern was genuine. "I don't know why she wants me, Ellen. I don't have the body I had when I was her age, but she's very attracted to me. I know that she's sincere."

"I know you believe that, Abby. I can see that," Ellen said. She reached across the table and took her friend's hand. "But she can't be sincere. She can't have thought this through. She just can't." She sat up and said, "Or she wants your money or your prestige or to be invited into your social circle. There's just no other explanation."

Abby glared at her, wounded to the core. "Have you always known what's in everyone's heart? You know about my sexuality … about Clancy's motives … about Hayley's feelings! How dare you question Clancy's honesty and sincerity!"

"Abby! Women our age don't attract young people! They're either looking for a mother substitute or a meal ticket!"

"Clancy has a lovely mother of her own, and she makes a good living. All she wants from me is my love!"

"How do I reach you?" Ellen asked, frustrated and angry.

"You don't," Abby said. "Just like I haven’t reached you. You haven't really heard me, and I think your arguments are ridiculous. I suppose we just have to go on as best we can and simply avoid the topic until it becomes clear that our love will last."

Ellen gazed at her old friend, pursing her lips, looking like she was about to cry. "I can't do that. I can't be your friend if you insist on continuing with this."

"What?"

"You heard me," Ellen said, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You're doing something that I think is harmful for you and the kids … as well as Clancy. I can't condone it, and I can't keep my mouth shut and let you do it."

Abby's hand went to her head, rubbing the spot over her eye that was throbbing in pain. "You won't be my friend because you don’t approve of my lover?"

"No, that's not it. I can't be your friend when you're acting so selfishly. The Abby I love wouldn't do something that would upset her kids and her friends. That Abby cared more about the people around her than you do."

Abby stood up, pulled a twenty from her shorts and tossed it onto the table. "You're right. I'm never going to be that woman again. I've changed, and I'm putting myself first." She leaned over and stared at Ellen, her eyes flickering with passion. "I deserve it!"

***

Clancy arrived just after 2:00, and Abby buzzed her in.  An earlier phone call let her know that Hayley was gone, so she availed herself of the opportunity to play with the dogs without worry.

Looking up at Abby as she entered, Clancy whistled and her eyes widened.  “Damn, you look good.”  Giving her a brief kiss, she said, “But I’ve gotta be honest, you’re way too dressed up for this crowd.”

“You said casual.” Abby blinked.  “Isn’t this casual?”

Clancy eyed the linen camp shirt that made Abby’s eyes look like the bluest sky she'd ever seen, and the pure white, slim-fitting, cotton slacks.  “In your circle, yes, that would be casual.  In my circle, you look like you’re dressed to meet the queen.”  She pointed to her own snug, cropped, red tank top, oversized red and white print shirt, and navy blue board shorts and asked, “Can you get closer to this?”

“Uhm … yeah, if I wear the clothes I normally put over my swimsuit.”

“Perfect,” Clancy said.  “Either that or those adorable boxers you had on the first night we made love.”

“Clancy!  I’m not going to a party in my underwear!”

“You wouldn’t be the first,” Clancy insisted.

***

The party was being held at a house in Altadena, and when they were two blocks away Clancy predicted, “This is gonna be a big one.  There’s already no place to park.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t have brought gifts?  Or a least a bottle of wine?”

“No.  We don’t do gifts.  We just have a contest for who brings the dirtiest card.”

“This should prove enlightening,” Abby said, smiling nervously.

They had to go almost three blocks to find a spot for the car, and as they drew closer to the party, the music got louder and louder.  By the time they reached the small frame house, they had to raise their voices just to hear each other speak.

Abby’s eyes grew wide as they walked around the side of the house and took in the mass of bodies jammed into the small yard.  “I have a lot of friends,” Clancy commented. She scanned the crowd and found the birthday girl, tugging Abby with her to make the introductions.  “Hey, Sabrina!” she shouted.  “Happy birthday!”

“Clancy!  Where’ve you been, babe?  I haven’t seen you all summer.”

“I’ve been keeping busy.”  She slung her arm around Abby and pulled her close.  “This is Abby,” she said, smiling widely.  “We’ve been keeping busy together.”

“Hey, good to meet you, Abby.  Uhm … the keg’s over there,” she said, pointing to a knot of people, “and we’re gonna start cooking soon.  Oh, Sheila’s new baby is here.  You gotta check him out!”

When they broke through the throng, it became clear why everyone was clustered together.  A pool took up four-fifths of the yard, forcing the guests to surround it on every side.  A dozen women and a man were playing in the cool water, and Clancy inclined her head towards an attractive young woman who appeared to have been thrown in, fully clothed.  “That’s my ex – Julie,” she said.

Abby took a good look at the young woman, her eyes widening when she saw two substantial rings outlined by her snug tank top.  “She’s very nice looking,” Abby said.  The woman looked to be about Clancy’s age, and her spiky black hair stuck up all over her head.  The effect was achieved through ample use of some hair care product, because she dunked her head and her short black locks immediately conformed to her skull.  She had dark, expressive eyes, and skin turned a warm, dark gold by the sun.  Julie gave off an energetic, bubbly vibe, and when she made eye contact with Clancy, she immediately swam over to the edge of the pool.

“Hey, you,” she said, batting her eyes in a way that made Abby’s hackles rise.

“Hi, Julie,” Clancy said.  Julie stuck her hand out, and when Clancy grasped it, Julie gave it a yank and pulled her into the pool headfirst.  Luckily, the depth was sufficient to avoid killing or maiming her, but Clancy wasn’t especially grateful for the dunking.  “God damn it!” she sputtered when her head broke through the water. “Will I never learn?”  She fumbled in her pants and dug her wallet out, then kicked off her sandals and handed them to Abby.  “She’s done that to me at least five times!” Clancy said, shooting her ex a wry grin.

Abby was standing there holding the dripping nylon wallet with two fingers, and Clancy said, “Julie, this is Abby.  Abby, Julie.”

“Good to meet you,” Abby said, then pulled her hand back when the younger woman started to reach for it.  “I’d rather not go swimming,” she said.

“Two minutes and she’s learned a lesson I haven’t figured out in five years,” Clancy grumbled.

“You always were a little slow,” Julie said.  She tried to dunk Clancy again and somehow wound up hanging off her back.  Clancy tried to pull away, but Julie hung on tight.  “Gimme a ride,” she demanded, her throaty voice purring right into Clancy’s ear.

Shrugging out of her hold, Clancy gave her a pointed look and said, “No thanks.  Abby rides me these days.”  Pressing her hands on the deck, she hoisted herself up and over the edge of the pool.  “Have fun,” she said, adding a small smile. Grasping Abby’s hand, Clancy asked, “Care for a beer?”

“Uhm … love one,” she said, giving the very perturbed-looking Julie a furtive glance.  When they were out of earshot Abby asked, “What was that all about? She acted like she wanted to scent-mark you!”

“That’s her usual style.  She didn’t like the fact that I brought a date, and she had to throw herself all over me to let you know she and I used to be an item. She makes it a point to let everyone know she was there first.”  She gave Abby a wry look and said, “She’s never been able to let go.”

“I don’t blame her a bit,” Abby sighed, wrapping her hands around Clancy’s dripping wet arm.  “I know that I couldn’t let go, either.”

“You don’t have to let go,” Clancy promised, turning her gaze to meet Abby’s.  A wicked smile crept onto her face and she said, “I have a very strong desire to make you wet.”

“Pardon?” Abby blinked.

Clancy laughed evilly and grasped her lover’s hips, moving her backwards until she had her pressed up against the house.  “I want to get you wet,” she repeated, “the hard way.”  She wrapped her arms around Abby and kissed her thoroughly, grinding her pelvis roughly against her.

“My God, Clancy,” she gasped when she could come up for air.  “There are people everywhere.”

“Nothing they haven’t seen before,” she murmured.  “I can’t kiss you at your house, and you won’t come to my house.  There’s gotta be some place that I can kiss you or I'm gonna explode!”

She could feel the moisture seeping through her clothing and Abby decided to release her inhibitions – for the afternoon, at least.  “You are making me wet,” she purred sexily.

Clancy’s hand snuck between their bodies and she nodded.  “Yep.  You’re drenched.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Abby growled, latching on to the tip of Clancy’s ear.  “Your kisses make me wet … and hot … and I’d like nothing more than to make love to you all night long.”

Clancy locked eyes with her, her entire body shivering with arousal.  “Can you come to my house?”

Eyes filled with regret, Abby said, “No, it’s Hayley’s party, remember?”

Clancy nodded, then grabbed her and thrust her hips a few times while she straddled a thigh.  “My brain knows you have your reasons, but my body’s starting to get pissed at me.  She just wants to hump you.”

“You’re becoming more like the dogs every day.”  Abby said, smiling fondly at her partner and giving her a few light kisses, trying to ease the sexual tension.

“I’ve been compared to worse,” Clancy admitted, giving Abby a firm swat on the butt.

***

Clancy had been to the house many times, and she knew her way around it quite well.  “Come with me,” she urged after they had secured plastic cups of beer.  She led Abby to the far side of the house, where a quiet little alcove yielded two slightly bedraggled, but usable, lawn chairs.  They sat down at the edge of the crowd, and after just a moment Abby couldn’t suppress her curiosity any longer.  “So, tell me about Julie.”

“Sure,” Clancy smiled, having had a feeling that question was in the offing.  “What do you want to know?”

“Well, I can certainly see why you’d be physically attracted to her, but what was the real attraction?”

“Mmm … I think, at that point in my life, I just wanted someone who really wanted me,” Clancy said thoughtfully.  “You know how it is when you’re young and inexperienced.  You meet someone you’re attracted to –  you hit if off –  and before you know it, you’re exclusive with each other.  I didn’t realize that I needed to have a list of requirements that any lover had to meet before I should spend my time with any one person.”

“Makes sense,” Abby nodded.  She took a sip of her beer and grinned at her partner.  “I haven’t had beer from a keg since I was in college.  It’s really tasty, isn’t it?”

“Yep.  Don’t know why, but it tastes fresher this way.”

“Why didn’t you two make it?” Abby asked.  “I know you fought a lot; was that the problem?”

“No.”  Clancy shook her head briskly.  “We didn’t fight about day-to-day things.  We only fought about her possessiveness.”  She smiled and said, “The thing I was attracted to is the thing that drove me crazy in the end.”

“You couldn’t work through it?”

“No.  We tried to, but I don’t think you can change your personality just to please a lover.  She was needy, and jealous of everything that took me away from her – including my family.  Like, she didn’t understand that I wanted to spend my Sunday’s with them.  She thought that since I lived with them, I didn’t need to see them on the weekends.”

“Did you ever try living together?”

“Not really.  I slept at her apartment two or three nights a week, but we were never stable enough for me to want to make that commitment.  I liked Julie, Abby, but I didn’t love her.  If I'd loved her, I’m sure I would have tried a lot harder to make it work.”

“I’m sure you would have.” Abby smiled.  “You’re quite determined when something is important to you.”

“You’re important to me,” Clancy whispered, leaning over to kiss a moist path along Abby’s jaw.  “Very important.”

***

After they had finished their beers, they mingled for a while, moving through the crowd to greet one person after another.  Abby was amazed to find that Clancy actually knew the vast majority of people at the party, and her head was buzzing with names that she knew she’d never be able to recall. She was also surprised to see a number of men and women who looked at least as old as she was, and she commented on that to Clancy, "I thought I'd be the oldest one here. I was afraid people would think I was your aunt or some other relative you had to entertain."

Laughing, Clancy said, "I love my family, but I've never backed any of them up against a house to grind against. I think my friends know me well enough to know I'm not into that."

"You know what I mean," Abby said, squeezing Clancy's hand. "I'm really surprised to see middle-aged women."

"Huh. That's not odd with my friends."

"It is among mine," Abby said.

"Your group of friends is all around the same age?"

"Well … yes, within five years or so. When a couple divorces and the man marries a much younger woman, people stop inviting them to things."

Clancy gave her a crooked grin. "Open minded group."

Abby looked at her for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I … I thought they were." She looked away, obviously thinking something over as they continued to wind their way through the crowd.

After they’d made the rounds, they finally encountered the new baby that Sabrina had mentioned.  “Sheila!” Clancy cried. “Congratulations on the new member of the family.”  She pulled Abby close and said, “This is Abby.  Abby this is Sheila and her new son.  Jacob, isn’t it?” she asked.

“It is,” the new mom smiled.  “He’s just been fed, so he’s ready for a nice, long nap.”

“Mind if we rock him to sleep?” Clancy asked.

“Be my guest.”  Sheila handed him off, giving him a kiss on the forehead.  “I’ll go check on my wife.”

“We’ll take him over to the side of the house.” Clancy indicated with a head nod.  “It’s quieter over there.”

They went back to their little alcove, and Clancy sat down, then placed the baby on her thighs.  “Isn’t he a doll?” she asked, playing with his perfect little feet.

“Mmm-hmm,” Abby purred, stroking the baby's delightfully soft skin.  “My friends have been out of the baby business for years now.  I haven’t been around one this tiny since Alyssa.”

“I’m wild for babies,” Clancy sighed.  “I should have been a pediatric nurse, just so I could get my fill.”

“You’d have been good at it,” Abby decided, “but I think you’d have a very hard time with the fact that many of them would be desperately ill.”

“Yeah.  I think I do better with plants.  As it is, I can have my day ruined by a transplanted tree that doesn’t take.”

Abby was trailing her fingers down the dozing baby’s dark shock of hair.  “You’d be a good mom,” she said softly.

“I like to think I would be.  I had some pretty good role models.”  She gazed at the baby for a few minutes and said, “Isn’t it amazing to think that there’s a whole adult human in this little body – just waiting to grow up.  Everything he needs is right in this easy-to-carry package.”

“Yes, as long as he gets some good parenting, he’s good to go.”

“Oh, he’ll get that,” Clancy said decisively.  “He has two very good moms.”  Two little eyelids popped open and Jacob looked around, trying to figure out where he was and who was holding him.  “What a beautiful boy you are,” Clancy cooed, petting him softly.

Abby watched her interact with the tiny child, and Margaret’s words kept coming back to her.  I don’t know if I can give you this, sweetheart.  God, I hope we know what we’re doing.  I don’t want you to miss out on the things that I’ve already experienced, but I don’t think I have the strength to start all over again. Thinking of having to deal with Hayley’s drama when I’m sixty-five makes me sick to my stomach!

***

Just before they reached Abby's street, Clancy turned onto a quiet block and turned off the engine. Shifting around, she gazed at her lover and asked, "Now what?"

Abby snuck a look at her watch. "I have to get home. Hayley's friends are gonna come over at around 7:00, and I have to get dinner ready."

"I know," Clancy said. She stared out of the window, her gaze just over Abby's left shoulder. "Did you have a good time? You seemed … distracted or something."

Abby spent a moment debating whether or not she wanted to talk about what was bothering her. Deciding she had to, she said, "I had a tough morning. Ellen and I had another … discussion … for want of a better word, and it didn't go well."

Clancy's head snapped towards her partner. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

A little taken aback, Abby said, "Well … it wasn't that big a deal. I don't tell you about every discussion I have with my friends."

Narrowing her eyes, Clancy said, "An argument with Ellen is a big deal. I'd like it if you kept me up to date, okay?"

She said it with a tone so sharp it made the older woman flinch. Wary, she nodded. "Of course. I'll try to remember to tell you things like this."

Still miffed, Clancy said, "What was the argument about?"

Abby made a face. "It was about the same as last time, but she had the nerve to tell me I couldn't possibly be a lesbian."

Clancy managed a wry, short laugh. "Well, you're not. You have a long, happy marriage to show you're bisexual."

"You know what I mean," Abby said. "She doesn't think I'm attracted to women."

Finally smiling, Clancy said, "Interesting. She should see you in action."

Abby laughed. "That's what I said! I told her about making out with Katie in college just to let her know this wasn't a recent urge."

"Huh. Did that help?"

"Not as much as it should have!" Abby laughed harder. "I had to add the fact that it wasn't just a few friendly kisses. I think she started to understand when I told her about feeling Katie up and starting to take her pants off before we were interrupted."

Clancy's smile vanished. "Whadda ya mean, feeling her up? You didn't tell me that!"

Surprised by her partner's reaction, Abby tried to backpedal a little. "It wasn't a big deal. I didn't think it was worth mentioning."

"Worth mentioning!" Her cheeks were flushed pink and her gray eyes were wide. "I had to pull every bit of that story out of you! You knew I wanted to know everything that happened!"

Abby touched her partner's arm, wounded when Clancy pulled it back and glared at her. "I'm … I'm sorry," she said. "I knew you were interested, but I didn't want to tell you everything."

"Why?" the blonde asked. "You hide things from me that you're willing to tell Ellen? Jesus Christ, Abby, what the fuck is going on?"

Clearly confused and agitated, Abby fidgeted in her seat. "I … I don't know," she said. "I told you everything I wanted to tell right then. I … can't explain why."

"You can't, or you won't?" Clancy was staring hard, her own eyes as dark as anthracite.

"I can't," Abby said, on the verge of tears. "I've told you a dozen times that I don't think quickly when things are emotional."

Clancy's head dropped back against the window. "Fine. Think about it and tell me – 'cause that's fucked up."

Abby tried to reach out and touch her lover, but she was afraid. "I'll try to figure it out," she said. "I swear I didn't mean to hurt you."

Waving her hand, Clancy nodded. "I know." She let out a weary sigh. "So … that's it? Nothing tomorrow?"

"Well … I don't know what Hayley's planned. If she's gonna be gone, we could get together." She wrapped her arms around her own waist and hugged herself, her voice thin and shaking. "I don't like this either. It's not nearly enough for me."

"Yeah. I know," Clancy said, still not making eye contact.

"I love you," Abby said softly. "I love you and I miss you and I can't wait until we're able to be together all of the time."

"When will that be?" Clancy asked, her head snapping to face her lover and search her blue eyes.

Abby’s uncertainly showed in her expression. "I don't know, sweetheart. I honestly don't know."

"I guess Hayley will tell us when we can get on with our lives, huh?"

The tone in her voice was so distant, so icy, that Abby couldn't form a reply. She sat quietly, knowing that Clancy would reach out to her as soon as she'd had a moment to replay her words. But the younger woman didn't move. Once again she stared out her window, her jaw working soundlessly, a wall of frustration and anger keeping Abby from even thinking about touching her. The seconds ticked away, with Abby's own swallowing sounding like a rifle shot in the otherwise silent car. Finally, she cleared her throat and said, "I've got to get home."

Clancy didn't say a word. She was so obviously angry that Abby could feel the heat radiating from her. But the blonde didn't move, didn't turn the key, didn't respond in any way. With shaking hands, Abby opened the door and started to get out. After she did, she leaned in, her hands on the doorframe. "Don't give up on me," she said, unable to stop the tears. "Please don't give up."

Once again Clancy didn't look at her. Her voice was low and hard, and her features were stony. "I won't. I just need … I just need to know that I matter, too."

"You do, sweetheart. You matter more than I can say!"

"Time will tell," Clancy said flatly.

Abby stared at her for another few moments, then sighed heavily and closed the door. She started to walk, sneaking a look back at the truck just before she turned the corner for her own street. Her lover was just where she'd left her, not having moved an inch.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Abby walked into the kitchen the next morning and gave her daughter a bright smile, trying to hide her dark mood. She hated that she was so staged around the girl, but she didn’t feel safe around her anymore. “Want to go to church with me?”

Hayley looked up from her cereal and said, “Wish I could, but Lori invited me to go to Magic Mountain.  She’s gonna come pick me up.”

“Oh … well, maybe next week. Everyone has been asking about you.”

“I don’t feel very religious, Mom, but I’ll try to go with you before I leave.”

“Only if you want to,” Abby said. “Your spiritual life is your own. I was just making an offer.”

Hayley looked at her for a second, her expressive eyes showing some wariness.  As she often did when she felt her mother pull away, she tried to move closer. “I should be home by late afternoon.  Wanna hang out in the pool and barbeque or something?”

“Okay. That would be fun. We only have a couple more weekends before you have to go back to school.”

The girl looked at her again and gave her such a warm, loving smile that Abby felt her own lips parrot the expression. She bent and kissed her cheek, then headed for the car, happy that her daughter had rebuffed her offer. She slid into her car and turned the engine over. The little red convertible didn’t want to go to church, and it knew that Abby didn't either. With hardly any help, it drove straight to Clancy’s.

Michael answered the door, giving Abby a warm, albeit curious smile.  “Is Clancy expecting you?  ‘Cause she’s still zonked.”

“No, she’s not expecting me,” Abby said.  “I thought she might like to go to church with me … or spend the morning together.”

“My guess is that she’d rather spend the morning with you than with Jesus,” he said.  “Want me to call her?”

“Mmm, no thanks. I know how she likes to be woken.”

“I bet she likes your way better than mine,” he mused.  “I tend to stand at her door and holler at her.”

“Feel free to keep doing it the way you’ve always done,” Abby said, her hand on the door handle.  She gave Michael an impish smile and added, “I’d prefer to be the only one who wakes her my way.”

Soundlessly entering the room, Abby closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, taking in the sleeping form of her lover.  She wasn’t sure exactly what the pull was, but she found that she was inexorably drawn to her when the blonde was unaware she was being watched.  There was a childlike innocence about Clancy that made Abby’s heart ache, but the round, womanly curves made other, more southerly parts ache as well, and it was those parts that urged her to strip off her clothes and join her lover in bed.

Even though they’d parted on bad terms, Abby trusted her partner enough to know that she wouldn’t be turned away. She expected they’d have a serious discussion, or even an argument, but she felt they were on surprisingly solid ground, given the lack of support they’d gotten so far. She wasn’t sure why she was so confident, other than for the fact that Clancy was so mature – so stable.

Abby stepped out of her skirt, then pulled off her shell, leaving a silk camisole and matching bikinis. After a moment’s thought, she decided to leave the garments on to give Clancy a nice, smooth surface to nestle against.  Silently, stealthily, she slipped under the comforter. With a tiny, muted whimper, Clancy’s body curled against hers, her breathing evening out immediately.  I was more anxious than tired two minutes ago, but now I feel safe and sleepy.  Rather than fight the urge, she allowed herself to drift into a contented doze, savoring the wish that someday they’d sleep in each other’s arms every night. When she woke a short while later, Abby started to nuzzle the back of Clancy’s neck, while her hand made gentle, soothing circles on her bare body.

“Damn, how baked was I last night?” the fuzzy voice mumbled.  “I wake up with a gorgeous woman wrapped around me, and I have no recollection whatsoever of how she got here.”

Abby's hand stopped stroking and she tried to keep the surprise and jealousy from her voice. “Did you get high after you came home last night? You were perfectly sober when you dropped me off.”

“I went back to the party,” Clancy mumbled.  “Stayed ‘til the cops showed up after the neighbors complained. Then we went to an all-night diner until I was sober enough to drive home.”

“We?” Abby reminded herself to work on delivering lines like this with no affect.

“Yeah. Some of my friends. Jacey drove my truck, then she went home with her girlfriend when I convinced ‘em I was sober.”

Trying to keep her tone light and cheerful, Abby said, “My, what a wild life you lead.  Am I going to have to try to keep pace with you?”

“It won’t be hard.  That’s the first time I’ve been out past twelve all year.”  She rolled over and wrapped her arms around Abby, smiling up at her.  “I was so pissed off at you last night that I couldn't stand the thought of going home alone.  Being around my friends and smoking a little dope cheered me up.”

"I'm so sorry I made you angry," Abby whispered. "I've really screwed things up."

Clancy put a hand on the back of her head and pulled her close. A long, loving hug made both of them feel better immediately. "It's not a big deal. I'm just easy to annoy lately. Sorry I was so … whatever I was."

"No, it is a big deal. I spent most of the night thinking about it, and I think I know why I didn't tell you everything about my college experimentation."

Clancy lay on her back, looking at her partner with a calm, interested expression. "Tell me if you want, but you don’t have to. I know you don’t like to spill your guts. I’ll just have to get used to it."

"No, no,” Abby said. “I shouldn’t be so bottled up." She kissed her gently and said, "I think it's because I'm not used to sharing feelings. I have to practice."

Nodding her understanding, Clancy said, "I guess you haven’t had much practice since Will’s been gone."

"No, this isn’t new. I’ve always been like this."

Rising up onto an elbow, Clancy gazed at her quizzically. "What do you mean? I thought you and Will were really close."

"We were," Abby said. "We were very close. But it's … different with a woman. Damn, Clancy, I don't think there were five times in over twenty years that Will asked me about my feelings. We just … didn't do that."

Only a few seconds passed before Clancy said, "Huh? How could you not do that?"

Abby laughed. "He was a man. I'm sure some men like to talk about feelings, but I never went out with one. Will used to say that men thought the four scariest words were ‘We have to talk.'"

Clancy looked at her suspiciously. "Are you serious? I mean, I hear jokes about that all of the time, but I thought it was pretty exaggerated."

"Not in my experience," Abby said. "My inner life was fully my own. Will didn't want to know what I was thinking, or feeling. It's not that he didn't care about me – he did. But he assumed I'd tell him if something interested or bothered me. If I didn't bring something up, we didn't discuss it."

"Even if you acted like you were angry or upset?"

"Especially then!" Abby laughed, thinking back to the ways she'd tried to get her husband’s attention. "If he could ignore it, he did! Actually, if I acted like I was upset, he was always extra nice – joking and trying to make me laugh. He'd do anything to try to divert me." She was smiling, thinking of the way they'd interacted.

"Didn't that drive you nuts?"

"No. Not at all. That's just how things were between us. I … honestly liked the way he and I interacted. It makes me uncomfortable when you try to make me tell you what's going on in my head. It … doesn't come easily for me."

Clancy scratched her head, looking completely flummoxed. "I've never known a woman who didn't like to talk about her feelings."

"You do now," Abby said. "I'm not nuts about it."

Collapsing to the mattress, Clancy said, “I thought you’d talk more when you trusted me more. I’m … I’m not sure how things will work if that’s not true."

With her eyes searching Clancy’s calm face for clues, Abby tried to figure out whether or not her lover was upset. “Are you angry?” she asked, feeling very much out of her depth.

The younger woman sat up, then wrapped her arms around her knees. “No, I’m not angry.” Her face bore an expression that Abby had never seen on her before, and she had a very hard time deciphering it. “I’m worried.”

Abby reached out to touch Clancy’s face, but the blonde moved back just enough to elude the attempt. “I don’t feel like touching right now,” she said. “I thought we’d just had a misunderstanding. But I’m starting to feel like we might never be as close as I want to be.” She leveled her gaze and stared at Abby for a moment. “As close as I need to be.”

The older woman’s heart started to beat so quickly that she felt the pounding in her chest. “What are you saying?” she asked, her voice higher and thinner than normal. “Are you giving up?”

She reached out one more time, but Clancy rolled away and stood. She pulled on her shorts and tank top from the night before and sat back down on the edge of the futon, looking serious and thoughtful. “I don’t want to give up,” she said softly. “But I’d rather break up now than a year from now.” She looked at Abby again and said, “I need a partner who shares things with me. Not little, ordinary things. I don’t want to know everything that’s on your mind. But I have to know how you’re feeling about things. I have to. I can’t compromise on this.”

Abby scooted across the bed, her knees almost, but not quite, touching her partner’s thigh. “I don’t want you to compromise,” she said. She was so frightened, that her voice was shaking noticeably and she had to keep blinking hard to hold back the tears. “I want to change. I swear I do!”

Giving her a sad, resigned look, Clancy said, “How do you do that? How do you change your personality to please me?”

“I work at it,” the brunette said. “I make myself go out of my comfort zone.” She thought she saw Clancy’s posture soften a little, so she put a hand on her shoulder. Exerting a little pressure, she pushed until Clancy was facing her. Their eyes met, and the younger woman could see that her lover was near panic. “I can’t lose you, Clancy. I’ll do whatever I have to do to change. I … swear … it.”

Their gaze stayed locked, and Clancy started to feel a knot in her throat forming at the frightened, yet determined look on her lover’s face. “I don’t wanna give up,” she said, surprised when tears started to trickle down her cheeks. “I love you so much.”

Before she finished the sentence, Abby was in her arms, both of them crying so hard their bodies shook. “Please don’t leave me,” Abby begged, her voice hoarse and ragged. “Please, please, please!”

“I love you,” Clancy said again. “But I can’t be with you for the rest of my life if I’m gonna have to drag everything out of you. You’re gonna have to learn how to share you feelings with me,” she said. “You have to tell me when you’re upset or anxious or worried. That’s the whole point of being lovers.”

“I swear I’ll try harder,” Abby said. “I’ll practice … every day!”

Looking at the earnest expression on Abby’s face made her heart break, and Clancy tightened her hold. “I just want you to try,” she said. “I need for you to make an effort and acknowledge that you understand why I want to know what’s on your mind.”

“I think I do,” Abby said. “I think you want to know because my mood affects us. Sometimes you might be able to help me through something, rather than my struggling alone.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Clancy said. “That’s it exactly. If we’re gonna be lovers there’s an us. It’s not just you and me. You have to take care of yourself, but you have to take care of us, too.”

“I think I understand,” Abby said. “But can you be patient with me while I try to change? I know I’ll mess things up sometimes.”

Clancy pulled away and looked deep into her eyes. “Of course I can be patient. I just haven’t felt that you’ve been trying at all. And I can’t live with a woman who tries to keep her life separate from mine. I just can’t do it.”

“I understand.” She let out a big breath and sat up straight. “I feel very confused and conflicted. I’m going through so much with Hayley that it’s about to drive me mad. Sometimes I don’t even want her in my house, and that’s never happened before. I wish I knew how to fix everything, but I don’t,” she said, tears starting to fall again.

Clancy put her arms around her and urged her stiff body to relax. “It’s okay,” she said quietly into Abby’s ear. “You don’t have to have all of the answers today. Just tell me what goes through your mind. What worries you. Those kinds of things.”

Looking at Clancy through her tears, she said, “What worries me is losing you. I never thought things were that bad. I … I … I was sure you’d welcome me into your bed this morning. I’ve been so confident about us.”

“Shhh,” Clancy said, feeling like a brute for hurting her lover so badly. “I’m confident, too. I am, baby. It just threw me for a loop when you said you and Will didn’t share feelings and you liked it that way. That had never occurred to me.”

“If something’s bothering you, you have to tell me before you get to the point where you’re ready to break up with me,” Abby said, her voice still shaking. “It’s cruel to spring something like that on me.”

“I’m sorry,” Clancy said. “I’m really sorry. I never should have said that.”

“Promise you won’t do it again,” Abby said. “Please promise me.”

Clancy nodded emphatically. “I do. I promise I won’t ever threaten to give up on us unless we both agree that we can’t get past something. If I ever say it again, it won’t be a surprise.”

“I promise, too,” Abby said. “I want you beside me for the rest of my life. We can work through anything, baby. Anything.”

Clancy put her arms around Abby’s neck, letting her hands dangle down her back. “Let’s lie down and start this day over again.”

Letting herself be moved, they lay together on the futon, Abby’s head resting just above Clancy’s heart. “This is my favorite place in the world,” the brunette said. “I don’t know how I’d go on without you.”

Clancy kissed the top of her head, staying right where she was so that she could breathe in her scent and feel the softness of her hair. “I must have still be stoned, because I’d rather cut off an arm than lose you. You mean everything to me, sweetheart. You’re my heart.”

They lay quietly for a while, both of them lost in their thoughts. Even though they were physically close, there was a distance that didn’t close until Clancy turned on her side and started to kiss her partner. Long, soft, slow, gentle kisses that helped tumble the walls each had put up during the fight. Slowly, Clancy began to turn up the heat, smiling to herself when Abby started to move under her. “How long can you stay?” she asked.

“All afternoon.  I told Hayley that we could have dinner together tonight, but I'm free until then.”

Clancy pushed up onto an arm, staying so close that her breath warmed Abby’s lips. “I want to make love. Lots of love. But first I have to get up and take a shower and brush my teeth. Any chance of your making me a little breakfast?  Just toast and juice, or something simple.”

“Sure.  Can I put on some of your shorts and a shirt?  I don’t want to have to get dressed again.”

“Michael would love to see you in that camisole,” Clancy assured her.

“Maybe so, but it’s not his day I’m trying to perk up.”

***

Abby curled up between Clancy’s legs and rested her head on a muscled thigh while she ate her breakfast.  “I can see why Athena likes it here,” she murmured.  “I feel snug as a bug in a rug.”

“I miss the girls,” Clancy said, sounding a little wistful.  “We couldn’t have a dog when I was growing up since no one was home much of the time, and I’ve never been in a position to have one.”

“They miss you, too,” Abby said.  “Athena lies by the back door and moans when she sees you out on the hill.”

After taking a noisy bite of her toast, Clancy said, “That's one worry you won't have for long. We're putting in the sod tomorrow. I'll put a plastic fence around the lawn to keep the pups off, but they can have the rest of the yard back tomorrow."

"Mmm … I'm so excited I could burst," Abby said, her eyes animated.

"We tested everything on Friday while you were playing golf. Everything works perfectly."

"I'm not surprised," Abby said. "Although I can't believe you haven't let me see the waterfall running. You're very secretive, Ms. O'Connor."

"No, I'm not really, I just want you to get the full impact. It loses its spark when you see it before it's complete."

"We've got to think of a way to celebrate," Abby said. She tickled under Clancy's chin, but the landscaper didn't giggle as she usually did.

"Don’t you mean schedule a time to celebrate?” Clancy look perturbed and her voice was nearly a growl. “This isn't working. At all. We’ve got to come up with a plan so we can have more time together – not to celebrate, to live.”

Abby's heart started to beat a little faster at Clancy's no-nonsense tone.  “I know how hard this is for you,” she said.

“It’s screwing with my mood and my concentration. I’m not used to things throwing me off my stride like this. I’m patient, but it’s a lot easier to be patient when you know what you’re working for.”

Abby blinked. “We’re working to make sure my kids get comfortable with this. You know that!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she said. She put her plate on the bedside table, then lay down.

“I’ll make love to you all afternoon long,” Abby murmured, drawing patterns on the whisper-soft skin of the thigh beneath her head.  “That should help take the edge off, shouldn’t it?”

Clancy’s body stiffened.  “Is that what you think this is?  You think I’m just horny?  I can have an orgasm any time I need one,” she snapped.

Sitting up quickly, Abby faced her and searched her eyes, unsure of where the anger was stemming from.  “I didn’t … that’s not what …”

Taking a deep breath, then patting her lover absently, Clancy shook her head and said, “Aw, fuck, I’m sorry.  I’m trying, but my temper gets the best of me when I’m under stress.”  She locked eyes with Abby and said, “That’s the problem: it’s the stress.  I don’t know when, or where, or how we’ll be together again, and that’s screwing me up.  It’s the uncertainly!”  She scratched her head, raking her nails through her hair so roughly that Abby could hear them. “Yes, of course I miss making love with you.  But what I miss more is being able to talk to you when I want to, to sit under the pergola and watch the sun set after I’m finished working, to hold you when we sleep, to have you over on my side of the bed when I come back from the bathroom in the middle of the night.  That’s what I miss!”

“I know.  I know.”  Abby climbed up to lie next to her. Grasping her tightly, she cooed softly into her ear.  “We’ll figure this out.  I promise we will.”  Pulling back, she took a quick breath and said, “Let’s make some plans. As soon as Hayley goes back to school, I want you to move in.”

The blonde pulled away and stared at her. “What? Where did that come from?”

“Well, once she's gone, we don't have anything keeping us from being together. I don't care if the neighbors know, or my friends …”

Clancy nodded. "We'll see how it goes. I don't wanna get my hopes up."

"I want your hopes to be up, permanently."

"Get me another glass of juice and you've made some progress," Clancy said, smiling as she watched Abby slip back into her clothes from the night before. She looked silly in Clancy’s clothes, but the fact that she didn’t mind looking silly even in front of Michael gave Clancy more hope about their future than words alone could do.

***

“What took you so long?” Clancy asked in her sexiest voice.  She was lying on her side, head braced on her hand when Abby returned with the juice.

“I was only gone a minute.”

“I got excited while you were gone,” she said seductively.  Rolling onto her back, the sheet tented up over her pelvis and her hand slid under the crisp blue cotton and started to stroke up and down, her bicep twitching with each motion.  Her eyes were locked on Abby’s, and the taller woman gulped in surprise.

“What have you got under there? You don’t have a pet snake, do you?”

“Come over here and see for yourself,” Clancy drawled.  “You’re gonna be intimately familiar with it in a few minutes.”

Eyes wide, Abby asked, “I am?”

“Uh-huh.  Very intimate.  Very familiar.”

Abby placed the juice on the bedside table, then tossed off the clothes and slipped under the sheet, cuddling up against Clancy’s chest.  “Wanna introduce me to your friend?”

Clancy grabbed her in a tight hug. “I wanna blow some steam off. Sometimes I feel like making soft, sweet love, but today I wanna rock.” She pulled back enough to look into Abby’s eyes. “Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah,” she said, her voice sexy and low. “There’s nothing better than make-up sex. Really helps clean out the emotional leftovers.”

Clancy lay down and put both hands behind her head. Twitching her hips, she asked, “Sure you don’t mind getting a little wild?”

“Mind? You don’t know me very well.” Abby leaned in and kissed her soundly, running her cool hand down her lover’s belly, pausing to tickle the defined abs that always caught her attention.  Her hand paused when she reached the top of Clancy’s pelvis and she encountered supple, smooth leather.  As her tongue entered Clancy’s warm mouth, her fingers dipped lower and encountered a cool, pliable phallus of some girth.  With a final heated kiss, she pulled the sheet back and slid down, her hot breath against Clancy’s stomach as she said, “My, my, my, what a well-endowed woman you are.”  She grasped the tip and brought it to her mouth, giving it a kiss.  “Flexible, too.” With a thoroughly fascinated look on her face, Abby twisted the toy into a few extreme positions. “Looks like one of my lovemaking skills is gonna be wasted here. If this doesn’t hurt, you won’t be able to appreciate my genius.”

“Well, I’ll admit that I can’t feel the same things that a guy can, but I get quite a buzz when it presses against me in just the right spot.”

Eyes glimmering with excitement, Abby said, “I wanna give you a buzz. Show me how.”

“I thought this was one of your lovemaking skills,” Clancy said, giving her partner a mock scowl. “Now you want instruction?”

“I have plenty of experience,” Abby said, smiling seductively as she moved her hand gently up and down the shaft. “But with a man, the sensation is in the penis. I don’t think that’s what'll work for you, big girl.”

Clancy gave her an inquisitive look, a little surprised by Abby’s interest. “You sure you wanna do this?”

“Yeah, I really am.” She scooted down and kissed all across Clancy’s belly, finally peering up at her with half-hooded eyes. “It turns me on to think about grinding this against you.” She started to dip her head, but stopped herself abruptly. "Uhm … is this too … heterosexual for you? I don't want to talk you into …"

Clancy put her hand on the side of Abby's face, urging her to meet her eyes. "If you're involved … it's sexy. Period."

A shy but pleased smile lit Abby's face. "Really?"

“Really. Let’s rock.” Clancy hopped out of bed before Abby could blink, put one foot on the low futon and grinned wickedly at her partner. “Work your magic.”

“I’m been in this position before,” Abby said, chuckling mildly as she dropped to her knees. Giving Clancy a stupendously sexy look, Abby opened her mouth and began to delicately lick the silicone, keeping her eyes locked on her lover as she moved from base to tip. Pulling back, she held the toy in her hand and licked her lips, gazing at the object with a salacious smile. Shifting her eyes back to her partner, Abby sucked her in and started to slide up and down the length, a tiny grin pulling at the corners of her mouth. She had obviously done this many times, and it was clear that she was enjoying herself as much as her partner. The dildo wasn’t even pressing against Clancy yet, but the landscaper began to grow tremendously aroused, just from the look on her lover’s face. Clancy let her mind drift to thoughts of Abby performing this act on a man, a fantasy she'd used many times. She was particular about it, preferring to think of Abby in college, blowing one of the UCLA boys who couldn’t break a pencil in half – but it always worked, and she began to moan softly. Swiveling her hips in a slow circle, she started to play with her nipples, grinding her teeth at the pulsing she felt in her groin.

When Abby heard the first signs of her partner’s arousal, she pulled all the way back and flicked the tip of the toy with her tongue, then delivered several wet, noisy kisses. With a sexy pout, she placed her elegant fingers along the shaft and swallowed Clancy in one stroke, pressing her lips against the base to push it firmly against the groaning woman. Staying right where she was, Abby nuzzled her entire face into Clancy while she grabbed her ass – hard, making the blonde shiver all over. “My God,” Clancy moaned, running her hand through Abby’s hair. “If this thing had sensation, I’d be done!”

Abby started to move her head, sliding up and down on the dildo, grinding it into the blonde on each downward stroke. Grasping Clancy’s ass, Abby pressed hard against her partner, making the blonde gasp. Looking up, the older woman caught sight of Clancy: eyes closed tightly, tugging and pinching her nipples, her chest heaving. Seeing the familiar signs of her impending climax, Abby pushed her partner onto the futon and shoved the dildo aside, going down on her in a frenzy. Clancy’s feet immediately settled onto Abby’s shoulders, and her agile body began to twist and jerk in response to the stimulation. “Gentle, gentle, baby,” the blonde begged, writhing and shaking. “Kiss me. Just kiss me.”

Reining in the passion that was on the verge of exploding, Abby forced herself to follow instructions, barely letting her tongue and lips caress the soft skin. As soon as she lightened up to a whisper-soft touch, Clancy cried out and climaxed noisily, her body shaking so hard that the futon rocked.

The younger woman groaned throatily, pulling Abby to her chest. “Jesus!” she cried, panting raggedly for several moments. “I have never, ever, been blown like that!”

“That’s what you get for never giving a straight girl a chance,” Abby murmured, cradling Clancy in her arms. “You have to learn to exploit our talents.”

Her voice a burr, Clancy said, “If every straight woman gave head like that, there’d be no such thing as divorce.”

Abby looked at the totally sated look on her partner’s face, Clancy’s small smile almost narcotized. Pleased by the sincere compliment, Abby leaned over and kissed her soundly, chuckling. “I told you that I wanted to make sure Will never had the energy to even think about straying. If a man knows he’ll always have his needs met, he can’t wait to come home at night.”

Clancy cuddled her lover tight and said, “God knows I can’t wait to get home to be with you. I can only imagine how he felt.” She kissed Abby’s head and asked, “Did you really like giving head? I’ve never talked to a woman who does.”

“Really?” Abby sat up a little and gazed at Clancy with a puzzled look. “How large is your sample size?”

“Well, not very big, and every one of them was a lesbian at the time we talked about it. Maybe that’s part of the reason.”

“Mmm … might be. I really enjoyed it once I got used to it. When I saw how much Will enjoyed it, I decided to learn how to do it as well as possible.” She laughed softly and recalled, “Stephen lent me some gay videos so I could learn a few tricks. They were really helpful, to tell you the truth. Shocked the hell out of Will the first time I stopped him from coming by pressing hard against the base of his …”

Suddenly, Clancy’s hand was covering her mouth. The blonde kissed her partner’s forehead, chuckling. “I have a feeling you were just about to jump into TMI.” At Abby’s questioning look, she explained, “Too much information. I like to fantasize about you with a man, but I never, ever think about you with Will. You’re always with a skinny college boy in my fantasies, and I’d like to keep it there.”

Her brow furrowed, Abby said, “But I thought that you liked –”

“I do, baby,” Clancy said. “I love hearing about how you felt about Will, and how much you loved each other. I love to hear about the things you did together, and all of the important events of your lives. But a little sexual detail goes a long, long way.”

Abby nodded and said, “That makes sense. If I thought about you with Julie, It’d ruin the mood.”

“You never think about me with another woman?” Clancy asked.

“No. I don’t like to think of that – at all. I like to believe that you’re mine alone.”

“I am,” Clancy said, giving her partner a warm, wet kiss.

“But it doesn’t bother you to think about me with men in general?”

“Huh-uh. I think it’s hot. Guys are almost always pretty sexual, and I like to think of you giving as much as you got.”

Abby smiled at her, then gave her a sexy kiss. “I love to hear about your fantasies. But what d’ya say we take our minds off our pasts and get busy with the present? I’ve got a clit that just won’t quit!” She tugged on the dildo, eyes bright with desire. “What do you say we take this thing for a spin?”

Without a verbal response, the younger woman pounced on Abby and tossed her onto her back.  Abby’s legs opened immediately and Clancy’s toy slipped between them, making her purr.  Reaching down, Abby tried to manipulate the toy into herself, but Clancy shook her head and kissed her gently. “Not so fast, speedy. Let’s take our time. I want you nice and wet.”

Her voice heavy with desire, Abby said, “I’m as wet as I’ve ever been in my life.” She took her lover’s hand and slid it down her body, pressing callused fingers between her legs. “Yeah,” she purred. “Come on in, baby. I’m ready for you.”

“Almost ready,” Clancy murmured. “But I think I can make you even hotter.” They started to kiss and caress each other, their exploration building to a fever pitch in a matter of minutes.  It wasn’t the dildo that made Abby’s pulse quicken, it was that Clancy was wearing it – trying to entice and excite her – the pure sexiness of the act – and it was working perfectly.

“Come on – come inside me,” Abby growled after a particularly fierce bite on the neck.

Clancy shifted her hips and wound up on her back once again.  Looking up at Abby with a wicked gleam in her eye, she said, “I think you’re ready now, hot stuff.” Cocking her head, her eyes slightly narrowed, the blonde said, “You look like the kinda woman who likes to be on top.  Come on,” she taunted, wrapping her hand around the base of the dildo, and wiggling it provocatively, “I want to watch you ride me.”

A jolt of white-hot desire hit Abby right between the legs at the incendiary words.  She covered Clancy’s mouth and kissed her voraciously, biting and sucking at her lips and tongue while she pinned her to the mattress by the shoulders.  “Oh, I’m gonna ride you like you’ve never been ridden.”

Getting to her knees astride Clancy’s hips, Abby grasped the phallus and worked the tip of it against herself for a few moments.  Clancy’s heart almost stopped at the wantonly sexy look on her lover’s face, as Abby’s eyelids grew heavy and finally closed.  Her hips were shifting slowly back and forth, forcing her wetness against the slick knob.  She reached out and grabbed Clancy’s shoulder hard with one hand, while the other forced just the tip of the phallus between her lips.  “Ooo,” she gasped, shivering roughly when the firm object began to enter her.  “Damn!  You’re a big girl!”

“Too big? I can go down a step.”

“No, no,” Abby said, her eyes squeezed shut. “I want you to stretch me wide open, baby.”

“Mmm, that’s what I want, too,” Clancy purred. She placed two fingers astride Abby’s opening, a shiver chasing down her spine when she felt the flesh stretched tight. “Come on, you can do it. Take it slow … that’s it … take your time … ease it in, baby. Don’t force it.”

Abby let out a deep breath, her eyes still shuttered tightly, fingers clenched around Clancy’s muscular shoulder.  Her flesh pulsed lightly against the silicone, and she felt her muscles slowly begin to stretch and loosen to allow her to accommodate the intrusion.  Clancy’s fingers continued to gently rub the distended tissues, simultaneously coating the phallus with the juices that flowed abundantly from her partner.  A deep, throaty moan slipped from Abby’s lips as she eased more and more of the hefty toy into herself.  Her body was stiff – not a muscle moving except for her thighs, which slowly lowered her until the last inch disappeared.  Her eyes opened, then immediately rolled back in her head and she lowered herself onto Clancy’s chest, murmuring, “I did the hard work.  Now let’s see if you know how to use it.”

“Oh, baby, I know how to use it,” Clancy purred.  “You just lie back and enjoy the ride.” Using her powerful thighs and torso, Clancy rolled over, taking Abby with her. The blonde hovered over her lover for a moment, and said, “Talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me how it feels.”

“I’m not sure I can speak,” Abby said, letting out a gentle laugh. “But, I’ll try.”

With a wicked grin, Clancy started to move, pressing into Abby with short, quick thrusts. When she was sure the dildo was well coated, she slowed down, compressing the base against her lover’s vulva on every deliberate stroke. As soon as Abby started to pant, Clancy slowed down until she was barely moving; then spent a long, leisurely time kissing her partner with all of the love she felt in her heart. “How ya doin’, baby?” Clancy asked, lifting her head a few inches.

“Mmm … I’m in heaven.”

“Hitting all of your favorite spots?” Clancy asked, nuzzling against Abby’s neck.

“Well, not all of ‘em, but the ones you’re getting to are very, very happy. No complaints, love.”

“Hang in there, babe, I’ll get to every spot – guaranteed.”

Giving her partner a puzzled look, Abby began to ask, “How …?”

“Trust me, lover. I know what I’m doing.” With that, Clancy began to move her, turning Abby onto her side, the dildo still wedged deep inside of her. Pushing Abby’s leg up to her chest, the smaller woman instructed, “Grab your knee and get ready. I’m gonna rock you.” This angle let Clancy push hard, and in moments Abby was grunting with each thrust, unable to form words.

Slowing her pace, Clancy wiped the sweat from her eyes and slipped out of her partner, kissing Abby’s cheek when she let out a small whimper. “I’ll be right back,” Clancy purred, pushing Abby onto her belly.

The taller woman stretched out, her muscles slightly fatigued from exertion. “I need a little rest,” she sighed. “Lie on me, Clance. Let me feel your body.” Clancy immediately fulfilled her request, letting the dildo slide between Abby’s cheeks. “Uh-unh … not there,” she said, chuckling. “That monster’s way too big.”

“I've got one no bigger than my finger,” Clancy murmured. "I think you might like it."

The brunette snuck a glance over her shoulder, a wicked smile on her face.

With a quick bite to her partner’s neck, Clancy said, “I love a woman who’s willing to try everything.” She rubbed her body against Abby, purring contentedly as their moist skin created just the right amount of friction. Sliding down just a bit, Clancy started to suck and bite her way down Abby’s body, making her partner squirm under her assault. By the time she reached her smooth cheeks, Abby was growling – her low, sexy voice making Clancy’s clit throb.

“Fill me up again,” the taller woman begged. “I need you inside me.”

Pushing one of Abby’s legs up, Clancy entered her again, and began to thrust – first deeply, then shallowly, never staying with any one movement for too long – always keeping Abby slightly off balance.  Clancy was clearly running the show, and Abby surrendered to her completely – knowing that the more experienced woman would take her just where she needed to go.

Clancy began to thrust harder and faster, the soft silicone rubbing against her own vulva. Spreading her hands across Abby’s ass, she lifted up just enough to be able to pump into her with all of her might, getting such a perfect rhythm going that before she knew it, she was crying out in a loud voice – her own climax catching her completely off guard. “Oh, my God,” she moaned, having collapsed heavily against her partner. “God damn that felt good!”

“Ooo, I was close,” Abby groaned, her fists pounding against the mattress. “So close.”

“Oh, damn, baby, I’m sorry. I got carried away.”

“No, no,” Abby soothed. “I’m not ready to come – but I almost couldn’t stop myself. Take a minute and rest, sweetheart, and let me get my bearings.” She reached behind herself and patted Clancy’s wet ass. “You’re working so hard – you deserve a nice rest.”

Clancy obviously had more stamina than Abby would have guessed, because without even knowing how she got there, Abby found herself stretched out on her belly on the edge of the futon, her feet barely touching the floor. “And you need a nice, big orgasm,” Clancy growled, nipping at the soft skin on Abby’s back. Clancy stood and pressed into her until Abby saw stars, then the landscaper pulled back until she was barely inside. Adjusting her angle, she gently pumped her hips back and forth – only just managing to stay inside. With a deep groan, Abby started to pant, then let out some of the most tortured sounds that Clancy had ever heard. Abby’s clit had been pulsing painfully for untold minutes, but she didn’t want this delicious ride to come to an end. “Give me a minute,” she panted, holding onto Clancy’s hip. “I’m close, but it feels sooooo good. I don’t want it to stop – ever.”

“I’ve got all day,” Clancy soothed, lovingly brushing the damp strands of hair from Abby’s face. She withdrew once again and helped her partner lie down on her back, then climbed on top of her again. She dipped her head, kissing Abby slowly, letting her tongue explore the heated depths of her mouth. “I’m not too heavy for you, am I?”

Abby wrapped her arms around her lover, holding on so tightly that she nearly bruised her. “No, no, I want you as close as you can get. I love to feel you pressing me into the mattress just as hard as you can.”

Clancy moved her hips just a few inches, gently sliding the dildo along Abby’s swollen outer lips, making the older woman grunt. “Ready for a little more?”

“Mmm … give me another minute,” Abby murmured. “I’m still throbbing hard.”

Trying to wedge her hand between their merged bodies, Clancy got an impish look on her face and asked, “Can I feel?”

“Huh-uh,” Abby said, shaking her head while she chuckled weakly. “One touch and I’m gone.”

“You’re in charge. You decide when you want to come.”

“Oh, Clancy,” Abby sighed. “This feels so fantastic. To have you lying on top of me, working so hard to bring me pleasure. I love being able to kiss you and look into your eyes while you're inside me.”

“I love being with you like this,” Clancy said, dipping her head to kiss Abby thoroughly. “I feel so close to you. I can feel your heart beating against my chest.”

Abby held her tightly, then began to return her kisses, the caress growing in intensity until she was holding Clancy’s head with both hands and hungrily consuming her. Abby’s legs suddenly wrapped around Clancy’s hips, and she pulled away just enough to murmur, “A little more, baby.”

“You want it – I’ve got it,” the blonde growled as she glided into her, Abby’s slickness easing the way. The younger woman pushed up onto her hands and thrust firmly, making Abby moan throatily.

“Deeper,” Abby panted, hitting the mattress with the flat of her hands. “I need you deep inside.”

Immediately fulfilling her partner’s need, Clancy pried Abby’s legs from their crushing hold and maneuvered one of them onto her shoulder. Pushing deep inside, she felt Abby’s hands move to her arms, gripping them with a power that surprised her. The growl that sprang from Abby’s throat was deeply thrilling for Clancy, and she tried to make her partner do it again. She slung Abby’s other leg up and held on to her thighs, lifting her hips off the bed. Bracing herself firmly, she thrust hard, and deep, watching Abby’s eyes and mouth open wide – unable to emit a single sound.

Clancy gave her everything she had, the sweat dripping down her chin to land on Abby’s chest. The blonde worked over her, her buttocks clenching with each powerful thrust. After just a few moments, Abby’s expression grew pained, and Clancy could see that she was struggling.

Dipping her head until they were face to face, Clancy rasped, “You know you wanna come. Don’t fight it.  Come on, baby, come for me.”  That simple command released Abby, and as soon as the base of the toy brushed against her clit she came explosively, grabbing everything her hands came in contact with – Clancy’s hair, her skin, her sturdy biceps, the sweat-soaked sheet – her body jerking and spasming ceaselessly.  The blonde slowed to a snail’s pace, rocking gently while Abby’s flesh pulsed and twitched.

Suddenly, Abby was kissing her – kissing every part of her lover that her lips could reach.  Lavishing kisses in her hair, on her damp face, all over her neck and shoulders.  Wrapping her arms around Clancy, she grasped her in a bone-bruising embrace that seemed to grow tighter as the moments ticked by.

Slowly, Abby became aware of her surroundings again and loosened her fervid hold.  “Jesus, you do know how to use that thing,” she moaned.  “But my legs were so fatigued that I had a hard time letting go enough to come.”

“Mmm … simple solution,” Clancy said, grinning wickedly. “Ankle restraints. I’ll slap a pair on your ankles and tie them together. Then you can let your legs dangle around my shoulders without holding them up on your own.”

“Damn, you do know what you’re doing,” Abby teased. Reaching down, she started to slide the phallus from herself, but stopped abruptly. “Too soon,” she murmured, patting Clancy’s back. “Can you hold still for a minute, honey? I’m locked around this thing like a vise. Men get a little smaller when they’re finished, but I don’t think this thing has that ability.”

“No rush, take all the time you need.” Clancy was hovering over her, and she gently kissed her a few times. Slowly, Abby began to relax and get into the kisses, and after a few minutes, the dildo popped out all on its own, making Abby shiver roughly.  “You must never, ever let men know how effective those are,” she murmured.  “They’ll be outlawed before you can blink.”

“It’ll be our little secret,” Clancy said, kissing a path down her throat and nipping at her still-thrumming pulse.  She cuddled up against Abby and they kissed gently, just exploring each other for long minutes, letting their kisses calm Abby’s racing heart while they simultaneously managed to quicken Clancy’s.

Slowly but surely, the passion started to grow, with Clancy eventually lying on her back, panting softly as Abby kissed her hungrily.  The blonde was still wearing the dildo, and Abby stroked it with her fist, her hand sliding up and down the slick surface easily.  “So, do you … uhm … can I …?”

“You want me to flip for you?” Clancy asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Uhm … is that what it’s called?” Abby asked tentatively.

“Yeah.  That’s what they call it.  Some women won’t flip for anyone.”  Clancy kissed her again and said, “I’m particular, but I’ll gladly flip for you. I’ll flip for any woman who can give me a good workout.”

Eyes wide, Abby said, “Maybe we’d better wait until I have some more instruction. I’m sure I can’t use it like you can.”

“You can if you practice,” Clancy said.  “And there’s no time like the present.”

“Tell ya what,” Abby said, “This time, why don’t you use it on yourself while I do my favorite thing? I want to watch how you move it in yourself.”

“Gladly,” Clancy said, giving her lover a gentle smile. “We’ll work up to the big show.”

“How about we choose a day where I have some control of my muscles,” Abby suggested, laughing weakly. “You wore me out.”

“That’s my goal,” Clancy said, beaming a grin at her. “I want you to be too tired to even think about ever leaving my bed.”

“Mission accomplished,” Abby assured her, sliding down Clancy’s body to get to the business at hand.

***

A half hour later, Abby was jumping around the room, the silicone bouncing up to slap against her stomach. “Having one of these is fun!” she giggled, wiggling the well-used device at Clancy.  “No wonder men are so fond of them.”

“I think they’re even more fun when you add a few million nerve cells and a nice blood supply.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course that’s true,” Abby said, her voice bright and animated.  “But that’s not what I mean.  I’m talking about the way it makes you feel to have one of these big things hanging between your legs.”

Clancy reached over and wrapped her hand around the base of the toy.  “There’d be fewer wars if everyone had one this big,” she said.  “What a wonderful world it would be if every one was exactly the same size.  The ‘mine’s bigger than yours’ fights would be a thing of the past.”

“Oh, if it wasn’t that, it would be the size of their hands or their feet,” Abby said.  “Guys would be stuffing newspaper into their shoes to be able to wear a bigger size.”  Abby lifted her arms over her head and wiggled her hips to make the hefty appendage dance.  “It just makes you feel powerful – like you rule the world!”

Clancy sat halfway up, an amused smile on her face.  “You’re really getting off on this, aren’t you? I can’t wait to see how you feel when you actually use it!”

“Yeah, I am.”  Abby grinned shyly and said, “I feel differently about myself when I’m wearing this.  I might wear it all the time!”

“People do,” Clancy drawled, giggling at Abby’s expression.

“You’re kidding. Women do?”

“Yep.  They call it ‘packing’.  They sell these cool little flesh colored penises that I’m told feel like the real thing.”

“To the wearer?” Abby asked, confusedly.

“Ahh … no,” Clancy said, chuckling.  “That would be a brisk seller, though, wouldn’t it?  No,” she said still laughing. “They say it really feels like flesh – but there’s no sensation, of course.  Some women like to wear jockey shorts and put one of these little gizmos in the pouch.  It’s more of a mental thing than a physical thing, I’d think.”

“I can see that,” Abby said, unconsciously dropping her hand to stroke her faux phallus.  “It really does give you a feeling of power – albeit temporarily.  I mean, our culture is all about the power of sex … and this monster is the poster child for sex, isn’t it?”

“Sure, I guess,” Clancy said.  Rolling onto her stomach, she crossed her legs at the ankle and lazily flexed her knees.  “I’ve never seen anyone try on a simple sex toy and launch into a political analysis.”  Grinning wickedly, she asked, “Is this what those long nights in the dorm at UCLA were like?”

Abby climbed onto the futon and grabbed Clancy in a rough embrace.  They wrestled playfully, with Clancy pinning her easily.  Panting from exertion, the larger, but weaker, woman said, “When I was at UCLA, I opted out of the dildo demonstration, but the political elements were always present.”

“Do you regret it?” Clancy asked, leaning over her from her victorious position.

“Not a bit,” she said.  “I’m sure I wouldn’t have enjoyed it nearly as much as I did today.  I enjoy sex much more now than I did then.”

“I’ll say it once again,” Clancy said.  “I’m a lucky, lucky woman.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Clancy was just getting out of the shower on Monday morning when her cell phone rang. Dashing for her room, still dripping, she picked up the little device, pleased and a little concerned to see Abby's name in the caller identification window. "Hi," she said, slightly out of breath.

"Do you have plans for breakfast?"

"Uhm … no. Why?"

"I'd like to make you a nice meal and have a little time with you. Whadda say?"

"You're on," Clancy said, her smile blooming. "Be there in twenty."

***

Having breakfast together cheered Clancy up dramatically. For the first time since she had been working on the landscape, she wished the day would go slower because it was the last one at the Graham house. At three o'clock, she was rolling the new sod, taking her time to make sure it was done perfectly – as well as to waste enough time for Abby to get home from her afternoon meeting.

Her heart started to beat a little faster when she heard a quick horn honk and looked up to see Abby pulling into the driveway. She made it to the yard in record time, her ebullient smile warming Clancy's heart. "Today's the day!" she said, waving to all of the workmen.

"Sure is," Clancy said. "I was afraid we'd be gone by the time you got home, and we only like to do that when things don't work well." Abby walked over to her and put an arm around her, giving her a squeeze that looked far too friendly to be coming from a client.

The dogs had heard their owner drive up, and they began to bark their heads off once they saw her in the yard with Clancy. “Can I bring my entourage?” she asked.

"Yeah, but let us get rid of the last of our equipment first. I don't wanna risk having the gate left open."

"You're always so thoughtful," Abby said, making Clancy blush when every one of her men heard the compliment.

Ramon, always gallant, gave Abby one of his brilliant smiles. "Let me take the roller out, and you can show Mrs. Graham some of the details."

"I'll help you," Clancy said. She looked at Abby and held up a finger. "One minute." She pushed the roller, while Ramon and the other men scrambled around making sure they'd taken everything to the truck. Two of the men pushed the roller up the ramp and into the truck as Ramon walked over to Clancy. He leaned over and kissed her on the head, a rare but not unknown gesture. "I'm very happy for you, jefa," he said. "Mrs. Graham is a lovely woman, and it's easy to see how happy you make her."

Clancy flushed pink in a matter of seconds. "Thanks," she said. "I'm sorry I didn't come right out and tell you, but we're trying to take things slow."

"The daughter is a problem, no?"

"Yep. The daughter is a problem, but things will calm down … I hope."

"Things will be fine," Ramon said. "You are both very strong women. I have confidence in you."

Clancy gave him a hug, feeling a little awkward when she did. They had always been friendly and had often had barbeques together. She'd gone to watch soccer with the crew several times, and they'd all been to her parents’ house for parties. But there had always been a bit of a barrier. She wasn't sure if it was cultural or because she was a woman or because she was the boss, but she knew it was something. Nonetheless, she knew Ramon cared for her, and she felt the same about him. "Thanks," she said again, unable to think of anything more demonstrative. "Thanks a lot."

He pulled away and started to walk to the truck. "Enjoy the presentation," he said. "We'll leave you alone."

"You guys did most of the work," she complained. "Come take some of the praise!"

"No, no," he said. "This is for you alone. See you tomorrow." He ducked into the truck, turned on his banda music and took off, leaving Clancy standing on the street, smiling at him.

When Clancy opened the gate, the dogs ran for her. After kissing her repeatedly, they ran around like they’d been captives for months – which in a way, they had. Having the work crew in the yard all summer had really interfered with their usual routine of sunning themselves, frequent dips in the pool, and barking at the UPS truck, but the end was finally at hand.

Abby walked over to the gate and took Clancy’s hand as she surveyed the entire picture. The finished product was more than she’d hoped for, with the wall and waterfall giving the impression they’d been in place for years. The flow of the water had real force, which was exactly what Abby wanted to drown out the noise of the neighbors. “We can adjust the water pressure if you want,” Clancy said. “This is pretty loud, but it’s a nice, calming noise, versus the shrieks of those kids.”

“No,” Abby said, shaking her head. “This is just what I wanted. Oh, the plants look wonderful, Clancy. You put in some very nice specimens. They really look healthy.”

Clancy decided not to mention that her nurseryman was barely speaking to her after she’d made him re-order the plants three times when they didn’t meet her exacting standards. It was vital to her that every element of the job was perfect for Abby, and she was going to do whatever she had to do to make sure that happened. “I left a little space on both sides of the stream for you to add things that strike your fancy,” Clancy said. “Once you get used to it, I assume you’ll want to tweak the design a bit. I know how you gardeners are.”

“It’s perfect,” Abby said. “I couldn’t be happier … with it or with you.” She kissed her gently, running her hands up and down Clancy’s shoulders and back.

"Isn't Hayley –?"

"Yes, she's home, but she can't see us here. Besides, I don't care who sees us. I have to kiss you to thank you for this fantastic yard. I've never been happier." They stood there for a few minutes, while Abby's sharp eyes took in every detail. "I just wish we could christen it," she said, her voice falling in disappointment.

“Christen it?"

"Yeah. I wanna hop in the pool and sample the waterfall for a bit, then spread out a few cushions on the patio and see how much noise the water cancels out.”

“Huh? What noise?”

“The moans and groans and whimpers that will come out of your mouth when I make love to you. That's what I've been dreaming of ever since I started to fall in love with you."

Clancy hugged her, holding on for a long time. "We'll do that as soon as Hayley leaves for school. We just have to wait."

"I hate to wait," Abby said, leaning her head against her lover’s.

***

The couple didn't see each other for the rest of the week. Clancy was roaming all over the San Gabriel Valley, and it was inconvenient for her to stop by Abby's at 6:00 a.m. just so they could have breakfast together. Abby still didn't feel comfortable going out at night if Hayley was going to be home, and the girl seemed to like nothing better than having a friend over for dinner – trapping her mother.

Hayley decided to have a big pool party on Sunday, and she and Abby were busy all weekend with preparations for the event. Clancy decided it was self-defeating to sit around and do nothing just because Abby wasn’t available, so she invited Michael up to her parents’ house for a barbeque of their own on Saturday.

Sunday morning was a reprise of the previous weekend – with Abby sneaking over to Clancy’s for a sensual, rather than spiritual communion. Clancy opened the door with a wide, sexy grin on her face. "I normally don't open the door to people trying to spread the good word, but you're too pretty to turn away. Come on in and tell me all about Jesus." She reached out and snuck her finger into the waistband of Abby's melon-colored linen skirt and gave it a tug. When Abby was standing on the threshold, Clancy let her hands wander over and under the wide straps of the square-cut, white linen, sleeveless top. "Very pretty," she said. "It's a shame it has to come off." Before Abby could reply, the top was lying on the small, wooden table by the door, and Clancy's mouth was nuzzling her breast through her camisole.

Strong hands went to Clancy's head and pulled her close, pressing her hard against the breast. "We've gotta work fast," the brunette got out, her words half-moaned. "I can only stay an hour."

Clancy's mouth stopped sucking, and her grip eased, then released. She stood and looked at Abby with annoyance. "What?"

Immediately trying to placate her, Abby said, "Only two more weeks. Then Hayley's back at school."

Turning, the blonde walked into the kitchen and picked up her coffee cup. She hoisted herself onto the counter and assessed Abby with cool eyes. "Then Trevor gets home, and for all we know, he'll throw a bigger fit than Hayley has." Her mouth was working, and she looked like she wanted to say something more, but she put the big cup to her lips and sipped slowly, trying to control her temper.

Abby went to her and stood between her legs, gently stroking the skin that peeked out from her boxer shorts. "I know this is hard, honey, but we have so little time together …" She waited for an answer, and when she didn't receive one, she went on. "Let's not fight. We're wasting the only hour we've had alone this week."

"You wanted to make love?" Clancy asked, her tone even and calm.

With a nervous laugh, Abby nodded. "Yes, of course. I feel so close to you when we do." She trailed her fingers down Clancy's bare chest, feeling the soft skin where it covered bone, then muscle, then pliable flesh. Her hand covered the decorated breast, and she squeezed it, then leaned in to kiss her partner.

Clancy kissed her but didn't try to escalate matters. She looked at Abby again and asked, "It doesn't bother you to fly over here, throw your clothes off, have sex, get dressed and run home – all in an hour?"

"I'd rather we had all day. Hell, I'd rather we had all of our lives! But we don't right now. So, I think about it like I did when I was in high school and my boyfriend and I would park in front of my parents’ house." She laughed now, her lips parting as she recalled those days. "On the drive home, I'd think about what we'd do, and as soon as we parked, we'd be in this mad rush to touch each other. I knew we'd have a half-hour or so before my father turned the light on and off a couple of times, signaling me to come inside." She smiled at Clancy and said, "It wasn't what I wanted, but it was very exciting. Sometimes quick sex is a real turn-on."

Clancy put her cup on the counter and squirmed away from Abby. She slid from her perch and walked away, depositing herself on the sofa. "I like quick sex, too. But I like it because we're so hot for each other we can't wait, not because you lie to your child about going to church and show up unannounced."

Stung, Abby stayed right where she was. "I … I asked Hayley to go with me. I wasn't sure if she would or not until I was ready to leave the house."

Looking at the clock on her VCR, Clancy said, "It's 11:45. Is this the first service they have?"

"No," Abby said, confused. "But I always go to the 11:15 service. I always have."

"But you could go earlier?"

"Yes. There's a nine o'clock mass."

"So you could have left before Hayley got up … like at 7:00, and have been gone for hours without her even noticing, right?"

Her voice had taken on a razor-sharp edge, and Abby knew she'd made a very serious error in judgment. She walked over to the sofa and sat down next to her partner. "Yes, I could have." She let out a heavy breath. "I don't know why I didn't."

Clancy pulled her legs up, planting both feet on the edge of the sofa. Her arms rested on her knees, hands dangling. "Maybe it's more exciting for you to make this like a game. Maybe the whole thing seems like a game."

Abby's voice grew sharp. "Don't put thoughts in my head, Clancy. It might seem like I'm okay with how things are, but that's only because I'm trying my best to be upbeat. I hate this as much as you do."

Still not looking at her lover, Clancy said, "You don't know how much I hate this, so don't assume you know how I feel. You don't."

Angry and hurt, Abby got up and walked to the door. She slipped her top back on and said, "Call me when you feel like having a conversation. I don't have the strength to deal with both you and Hayley pouting." She waited a moment, hoping Clancy would ask her to stay, but the blonde head remained unmoved, staring at the blank television.

***

Clancy knew she should call and apologize, but she felt like sulking. Having little else to keep herself occupied, she went up to Sierra Madre, surprising her mother when she walked into the house in the late afternoon, sipping one of her favorite malts.

“Well, Clancy O’Connor, I think I’ve seen more of you in the last twenty-four hours than I have in the last three months!”

“Complaining?”

“Never!” Margaret kissed her and said, “You just missed your grandmother. Daddy just dropped her off at the church to play bingo.”

Clancy found it funny that her grandmother had given up the religion long before, but was completely unable to forsake her addiction to bingo – exclusively of the Catholic variety. “I’m gonna hang for a while, if that’s okay. Want me to go to the store and buy something for dinner?”

“Are you quite all right?” Margaret asked, making a show of feeling her daughter’s forehead.

“I owe you a few thousand meals, Mom. I’d be happy to pop for one.”

Looking at her quizzically, Margaret said, “I'm serious. Is everything all right, honey?”

“No.” She gave her mother a smile and said, “I’ve been thinking about how hard it is to be a parent. Watching Abby go through all of this crap with Hayley has given me a new perspective on how kids suck the life right out of you.”

Margaret wrapped her daughter in a warm hug and said, “It was never hard being your mom.” After placing a kiss on both cheeks, she released her child and said, “I really don’t envy Abby, though. This has got to be hard on the whole family.”

“Yeah, I'm sure it won't be a day at the beach with Trevor, either. Even though Abby thinks he'll be fine with it." Clancy had finished her malt, and she walked into the kitchen to throw the container away. She poked her head into the refrigerator and saw that the cupboard was pretty bare. “Let me go to the store and buy a nice roast. We can cook it outside on the rotisserie. You know how Dad loves that.”

Margaret gave her daughter a kiss and patted her on the butt. “That would be lovely, honey. Buy whatever looks good.”

***

When Clancy returned, her father was already getting the rotisserie ready. “There’s my best girl,” he beamed when she went out back to say hello.

“Hi, Pop.” She gave him a kiss and sat down to watch him putter with his toys.

Looking at her speculatively, he asked, “Fight?"

"Yeah."

"Talk about it?"

"Nah."

She watched him work and nodded when he offered a beer. He returned a few minutes later with the roast on the spit and two beers held by their necks in one large hand. She took hers and sipped on it, not saying another word. John hummed a little while he worked, then sat down and watched the roast begin to spin. They watched the meat as though it were a fascinating television show, neither speaking until it had begun to brown. "I'm so sick of Hayley that I'm thinking of going on vacation until she leaves for school."

"In August?" John’s incredulity could be heard loud and clear. "You can't pick up and leave during your busiest season!"

"It's my business," she grumbled, knowing she was acting childish.

"True. It's yours for as long as you don't piss off your clients or your crew." He took the bottle cap he'd removed earlier and flipped it at her, catching her on the shoulder. "What's really goin' on? The kid's gotta be leaving soon."

"Two weeks," Clancy said.

"Since when can't you wait two weeks for somethin' you really want? Jesus, you waited two years to go to college so you could go where you really wanted!"

"It's not the time," she said, feeling tired and cranky. "It's … it's that Hayley always comes first."

"You knew that going in," John said. "Little late to have circumstances change."

"I know that," she said, her voice testy and sharp. "I don't want circumstances to change. I just want Abby to spend a little time thinking of ways to see me more. We didn't have any time together this week, and it makes me nuts!"

"What does she say when you tell her that?"

Clancy leaned back in her chair and let her head loll back. "I just told her today. That's what we fought about."

"What did she say?" he asked again.

She gave him a vague shrug. "She didn't say much. She was mad at me for being mad at her."

John got up and put a thermometer in the roast, nodding to himself when it registered just where he expected it to be. "So, you told her you want her to keep you in the game, right?"

"Right."

"But this is the first time you've told her that, right?"

She shrugged again. "Not really. She knows I’m not happy with the way things are.”

He put his hands on his hips, adopting the same stance he did when he chewed out one of his employees. “Have you specifically told her what you need her to do to make you happy?”

“No,” she said, her voice barely audible.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" he asked, making her head snap up. "You don't take off from your job in August, and you don't get pissed because somebody isn't doing something if you didn't ask her to do it. Grow up!"

"I'm plenty grown up," she snapped.

"The hell you are! You knew this was gonna be hard, but you didn't want to quit. You've been stewing about this for a while, but you haven't told her how to fix it. That's not fair to her, and that's not mature! Now straighten out and fly right or cut her loose. The last thing she needs is another kid!"

Clancy pressed her lips together, knowing she was on the verge of saying something very rude. Her father went into the house to get another beer, and she tried to calm her racing mind to let his words sink in. He was gone much longer than he needed to be, and when he came back, she took the offered beer and said, "Abby said the same thing to me today."

"What?"

"She said she didn't have the strength to have both Hayley and me acting like children."

"She's right," he said.

"I get it, Dad. I get it. You've made your point. I'll call her tonight and apologize."

"'Bout time," he mumbled, laughing softly to himself.

"Do you ever get tired of being right?"

"Not really. Comes naturally."

"Too bad I didn't get your hilarious sense of humor," she said, obviously teasing.

"I always thought so." He fussed with his roast for a moment and said, "To tell you the truth, I'm surprised it took you this long to snap. Not like you to be this patient with a woman.”

She grinned wryly at him. “I’ve never been in love with one before, Dad. The rules change.”

“They do indeed,” he nodded, chuckling softly. “So, is this kid always gonna be a problem?”

“Looks like it," she said. “But it’s something I’m going to have to learn to deal with. I'd rather she was childless, but she’s not. You’ve gotta take people like you find ‘em.”

“Too damned bad, ain’t it?”

“Sure as hell is,” she agreed, taking a long pull on her beer.

***

Because of Hayley’s party, a short phone conversation was all that Abby could manage, but she was very relieved to have Clancy call to apologize. She did the same, and they hung up, agreeing to try to find some time to see each other even though it was difficult.

***

The next afternoon, Clancy was idling on the Pasadena freeway when she answered her cell phone.

"Where are you, honey?"

“Heading home. I'm almost at Fair Oaks.”

"Did you have a good day?"

"Not bad. I spent too long at a client's house in Beverlywood, and now I'm stuck in traffic. I'm trying to get home to take a quick nap before dance class.”

Abby pouted. “I wanna go.”

“Michael’s always happy to bow out. You know I’d rather take you.”

With a tone filled with yearning, Abby said, “Hayley's gonna be home for dinner. I should stay.”

“Whatever,” the blonde said. “I’ll think of you when I’m leading Michael around the dance floor.”

“You lead?’

“Yep. I told you before,” Clancy said, her wicked grin managing to make it through the phone line. “I always lead.”

Abby hung up, standing in place with her hand still on the phone, thinking of how wonderful it felt to have Clancy guide her around the dance floor. Hayley walked into the room and said, "That won't make it ring."

Shaking her head, Abby pulled her hand away and walked into the den, irritated by Hayley's mere presence.

***

On Tuesday morning, Hayley was up earlier than usual. She walked downstairs, wearing a mysterious smile. "Hey," she said when she spotted her mother. "Can I borrow the car this morning?"

"Sure. Going somewhere special?"

"Uh-huh."

Her smile grew, and she turned to go back upstairs, with Abby following her with her eyes. I think I could pin her. If I got her out the front door and called the locksmith …

***

Around noon, the dogs started to bark, and a moment later Abby heard the garage door open. A loud clatter from the laundry room made her get up to see what was going on. She pushed open the door at the same time Trevor was pulling it from his side. Caught off-balance, she fell into his arms, feeling his sturdy body hold her effortlessly. "You must've missed me," he said, laughing.

She had to scramble to get her feet set in the small space, since both dogs were jumping, barking, and doing their patented flips of joy at seeing Trevor. "God, yes!" she cried. She wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a long, strong hug. "I missed you like crazy!"

"I missed you, too, Mom," he said softly. "Very much."

"Nice surprise, huh?" Hayley asked, giggling.

"The nicest," Abby agreed.

She backed up, giving the kids room to walk into the kitchen. She watched as Trevor hefted his bags into the room, marveling at how much his body looked like his father's. She gazed at him with a wistful smile, making him reach out and tweak her nose. "Don't tell me: I look older and better than when I left."

She hugged him again, letting her hand fall to give him a swat on the seat. "I know I'm predictable, but you should be used to that by now."

"You're not so predictable," Hayley said, her words teasing but her tone serious.

"Depends on the day," Abby said, refusing to let her daughter bait her into talking about Clancy at that moment. "Are you hungry, honey?" she asked her son.

"A little. I had lunch and dinner on the plane, but it wasn't very good."

"Oh, right, your body thinks it's 9:00 p.m., doesn't it?"

"Yeah. Maybe I'll just have some caffeine. I wanna stay up so I can go to bed around 10:00. I wanna get back on California time as soon as I can."

He walked over to the refrigerator and took out a can of Coke. While he poured it into a glass, Abby asked, "Did you leave early, honey, or did the program end sooner than it was supposed to?"

Trevor tilted his head back and nearly drained his glass. "A little of both," he said. "We were finished, but the other people in the program were dragging their feet in writing out the final report. They were working a couple of hours a day and hanging out until three or four a.m. I got sick of it and wanted to come home – so I left."

Abby stood next to him and put her hand on his waist. "Really?"

He avoided her eyes while filling his glass. "Yeah. I want to find a job, not sit around getting drunk in Venice. I mean, it was fun, but we'd been partying for over two weeks." He looked down and smiled at his mother. "Maybe I was just pissed that I hadn't hooked up with anyone."

"No one?" she asked, grinning at him.

"Nope. There were ten girls in the program, and the only decent ones were engaged. I didn't have a date the whole time I was gone."

"You should have been here," Hayley said. "Love was in the air." She was sitting on one of the tall chairs by Abby's counter-height desk. Her mother had grown tired of her lobbing innuendo-filled bombs into the conversation.

Staring at Hayley, Abby said, "I'm sure Trevor and I will discuss Clancy, but we'll do it alone."

The girl gulped noticeably, not used to having her mother be obviously upset with her. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'll go swim for a while so you can talk."

"You don't need to leave, Hayley. You just need to stop being passive-aggressive."

Hayley nodded. "I think I'm better at leaving." With that, she went into the downstairs bathroom to put on her swimsuit.

As soon as she left, Trevor looked at his mother. "Has she been like this all summer?"

"Uh-huh. I almost put her in a FedEx box and sent her to you."

Trevor touched his mother's shoulder. "You should have, Mom. I'm serious. You shouldn't have to put up with her when she's being a jerk."

Abby laughed softly. "I think she acts like a jerk because I allow her to." She took her son's hand and led him into the living room so Hayley wouldn't hear them. They sat down on the sofa, just close enough to be able to touch once in a while. "I always encouraged you to say what was on your mind, Trevor, and you never abused that privilege. But Hayley's a very different kid. I think I should have set firmer limits with her. I thought the same techniques I used with you would work with her, but they haven't."

"She's not a bad kid, Mom. Believe me, I'd rather be with Hayley than most of the girls on my project. At least she's not obsessed with how she looks and whether someone else is getting attention."

"Really a bad bunch, huh?"

"Yeah," he said, his forehead wrinkled in thought. "The guys were good, but the girls really sucked. They were always pouting about something."

"Hayley's been doing her share of pouting," Abby said, smiling.

"Yeah, but at least she's not usually like that. She … she's having a real hard time with this, Mom."

She put her hand on his knee, giving it a squeeze. "I know, honey." She took a deep breath. "How much do you know?"

"I know just about everything," he said. "I know what happened, and I know how it happened, and I know how Hayley feels about it." He shrugged. "It's more than a little weird, but I'm not mad at you or anything."

She gazed at him for a moment, feeling so much better to have him home again. "How do you feel, sweetheart?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "I guess it depends on the day. I want you to be happy, Mom, so that's what I focus on. If you're happy with Clancy … I want you to go for it."

"I think I already have," Abby said, her smile wry. "I've told your grandparents, Ellen, Pam, Maria, Spencer … I'm sure it won't be long before Marjorie is marching up and down the hill telling all of the neighbors."

He laughed at that, imagining the older, rotund woman hefting herself up the steep hill to spread her juicy news. "How did everyone take it?"

"Ellen has been the worst," Abby said. "Well, your grandfather isn't very happy about it, but at least he hasn't insulted my intelligence."

Trevor's mouth dropped open. "Ellen did that?"

"Yep." Abby let her head drop back and felt the cushion press against the spot where she was getting a headache. "She told me she couldn't be friends with me anymore."

"No!" The look on his face showed that he assumed she was kidding, but her expression showed she was deadly serious. "But why …?"

"She thinks I'm being selfish," Abby said. "She thinks I'm putting my needs before yours and Hayley's."

His eyes narrowed and he tilted his head. "We're adults now; you don't have to treat us like little kids anymore. It's not like being with a woman is such a big deal." He shoved some of his thick, dark hair from his eyes. "I mean, yeah, it's weird, and it's gonna take some getting used to, but it's not like you're going out with somebody who's mean or evil or something. Clancy's just a chick … right?"

"Pretty much," Abby agreed. "A young chick, but a chick."

"Yeah. That part's a little weird, too," he admitted. "I never thought my stepfather would be a girl just about my age, but … I guess you didn't either, right?"

His gaze had sharpened, and Abby had a feeling he wasn't asking his question. "What's on your mind, Trev? Come on, tell me."

He sat quietly for a moment, then asked, "You haven't been … uhm … wanting to be with women … before, right?"

She took a moment to consider his words. "Do you mean while your father was alive?"

"Yeah." He put his head down, unable to look at her.

She put her hand on his cheek, urging him to meet her eyes. "Honey, I loved your dad more than you'll ever know. He was my first love, and I wouldn't have traded him for all of the women in the world. I never, ever wished that I'd picked another man or a woman. He was the one. He'll always be the one."

She was crying now, and Trevor scooted over to hold her. "But you love Clancy, right?" he asked.

"Yes, of course I do. But it's not the same. It's hard to explain, but there's something unique about your first love. When you marry and have children together, there's … I don't even know how to put it into words. But it's different. Your father was the love of my life. That will never change, no matter how much I love Clancy. She'll be my partner, but with your dad … we were a family. Having you and Hayley made us into a unit. I know it'll never be like that with Clancy. And so does she," she added. "She wants to fit in, but she can't act like she's related to you and Hayley. She'll be your mother's partner."

"But … you'll want her to be at all of our family events, right?"

"Of course!"

"I'd like to have some kinda relationship with her," he said, looking a little confused. "But I don't know —"

"Honey. Just let things happen. If you like her, something will develop. If you don't like her … well … I guess you'll just have to have a few drinks to get through holiday dinners." She leaned over and tickled him on the ribs, making him giggle like a child.

"Stop!" he begged, squirming. "Please!"

"I'll be good," she promised, holding her hands up.

"Not fair," he insisted. "You know all of my weak spots."

She put her arm around him and hugged him tight. "I do. But you know most of mine, too. The blessing and the curse of family."

***

Trevor went upstairs to unpack, but after just a few moments he came racing down the stairs. “Mom! Why didn’t you tell me you were done?”

“What?” she asked, meeting him at the stairs.

“The yard!” He trotted for the back door, both dogs following him. Abby was delighted by his glee, and she fell in line. They went outdoors and Trevor stood with his hands on his hips, shaking his head in amazement. “I never would have believed this was our yard,” he said. “This isn’t just an improvement – it’s a complete transformation.” He turned and smiled at his mother. “Clancy’s got a load of talent, Mom.”

His smile was contagious, and she matched it immediately. “She is, Trev. Thanks for saying so.”

“I’ve got to get into my suit and let that waterfall hit me,” he said, grinning like a child. “Wanna join me?”

“Not right now, but I will soon.”

He ran into the house, taking the stairs two at a time. “Hurry up, Mom. That pool looks too good!”

As soon as Trevor went outside, Abby reached Clancy on her cell phone. "Guess who's home," she said.

"Hmm … I'm gonna say Trevor, since he's the only one who's been gone. Isn't he home early?"

"Yeah. I think he's worried about his mom."

"Not angry with her?"

"Doesn't seem to be," Abby said. "We had a very nice chat, baby. And he positively loved the back yard. He wants to get to know you better, too. He seemed very accepting."

"Whew! Thank God someone's acting like he's supposed to."

"You can say that again! My boy came through for me!"

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

For a couple of days, Trevor did nothing but sleep and eat, but by Friday he was up in his room, making calls and trying to set up interviews. Abby was proud of how businesslike he was being about finding a job, even as she was disappointed with Hayley's lack of initiative. Her musings about finding a job when she returned from Maine had disappeared, and she seemed content to lie in the pool, listen to her music, and read popular novels.

On Friday afternoon, after having played golf with the women's league at her club, Abby returned to the house. Hayley was sitting on the desk chair in the kitchen, talking on the phone, but when Abby entered, she turned toward the wall and spoke more quietly. Trying to be respectful of the girl's privacy, Abby put a few things into the freezer, then went into the den, staying until she heard Hayley hang up.

The younger woman walked into the den and dropped inelegantly into a chair, her ability to look almost boneless always amazing her mother. "Gramp's not very happy with you," she said with a careless air.

The short hairs on the back of Abby's neck rose. "What?"

"I was talking to Grampa. He thinks you're being selfish."

Abby got up and walked over to her daughter. The look she gave her made the girl sit up straight. "Listen. I'm sick and tired of your acting like a child! You're eighteen years old, and that’s long past old enough to be respectful. No matter whom I'm involved with, I'm still your mother, and I'd advise you to remember that." She started to walk out of the room, but she was so angry she turned and added, "You're old enough to decide where to live, Hayley. If you feel closer to your grandparents, you might want to stay there when you're home from school."

The girl's mouth dropped as quickly as the tears started to flow. She got to her feet and ran by her mother, sobbing as she dashed to her room.

Abby stood right where she was, finally looking Heavenward. I'm so damned glad I didn't let you talk me into having another child, Will. God knows what the third one would have been like!

***

Abby spent an hour trying to control her emotions, knowing she couldn't get away with yelling at her father – even though she was forty-five years old. When she felt calm enough to be rational, she called, partially relieved when her mother answered. "Where's you husband?" Abby said, laughing a little at her own tone.

"Oh, lord, what did he do now?"

"He told Hayley I was being selfish! He's conspiring with my child!"

"Oh, crap!"

Profanity was very rare for Elizabeth, and even this mild curse made Abby laugh. "Can you rein him in, Mom? I don't wanna block his calls, but I will."

"I'll talk to him, honey. And I think we'd better come home. I think we all need to sit down and talk about this."

"Tell me when you're coming, and I'll be there to pick you up," Abby promised.

"I'll talk to your father and see what we can agree on. You know he hates to come back while his dahlias are in bloom."

Abby waited a second, trying to stop herself from telling her mother just where she thought her father could stick his dahlias.

"I know you're upset, Abby. We'll be home as soon as we can."

"Thanks, Mom. I could really use some support right now."

***

Abby called Clancy not long after the landscaper had returned home for the day. "Would you like to help me stay out of prison?"

"Ahh … yeah," the younger woman said.

"I'm gonna kill my youngest if I have to see her again today. Can you help me out?"

"Sure," Clancy said, laughing. "I'll shower and change, and then come get you."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Does it matter?"

Abby laughed, too. "Nope. I'll be waiting."

***

After listening to Abby rant about Hayley’s behavior all the way to Sierra Madre, Clancy turned briefly and said, “I know you're upset, babe, but I can’t tell you what to do. I’m too involved, and I don’t think I can be objective.”

“I don’t normally seek advice about how to raise my kids,” Abby insisted, “but I’m about ready to have someone step in and take over for me.  I’m honestly at a loss.”

“If you want someone to tell you what to do, Eileen Donovan is your woman,” Clancy said.  “Whether you want her to or not, she’ll tell you what you should do in any given situation.  One really good thing about her, though – she doesn’t mind if you ignore her advice, she just wants to offer it.”

“I’m at her mercy,” Abby moaned, resting her head back against the seat to try and stem the headache that was pounding behind her eyes.

They weren’t at the house for more than two minutes when Eileen looked Abby up and down and said, “That kid still giving you trouble?”

“She sure is,” Abby said, nodding.  “Worse now than ever.”

Immediately, the other three members of the family disappeared – everyone recognizing when Eileen was about to deliver a lecture. “Tell me what’s going on,” she said, leaning back in her chair and gazing thoughtfully at Abby.

“Well, she’s unhappy about Clancy and my being together. My father's not happy about it, either. She talked to him on the phone today, and he told her I was being selfish. It's not just that she told me that, but she acted so superior! I honestly wanted to slap her!"

"Did ya?"

"No, of course not! I've never hit the kids."

"Mmm … too late to start now, I guess," Eileen mused thoughtfully. “That how she normally is?”

“No, not really, Eileen. She's a lot like me in some ways. It's hard for her to talk about her feelings, but she's usually respectful. Or at least she was before this started."

“What have you and Bitsy been doing to spend time together? Do you go to her place?”

Abby looked a little ashamed of herself when she said, “We haven’t been seeing each other much.  Clancy and I have had a couple of fights about it. I think she’s running out of patience.”

“She’s never been very patient with girls. She knows what she wants, and she wants it right then.”

“I know, but I just don’t know what to do about my daughter. I’m … struggling,” she said.

“So instead of having a plan and sticking with it, you’ve given the kid what she wants – exactly what she wants,” Eileen emphasized.

“I … I guess that’s right,” Abby agreed.  “I thought that was the best way to handle it.”

“Has it helped?”  Eileen persisted. “At all?”

“Uhm … no,” Abby was forced to admit.

“Look,” Eileen said, grasping Abby’s hand and holding it firmly.  “The kid’s manipulating the shit out of you.  She’s acting like a three-year-old, and you’re letting her!  Why should she change if she’s getting what she wants?”

“What does she want?” Abby asked blankly.

“She doesn’t want you and Clancy to be together!” Eileen cried.  “Hell, you’re the one who told me that in the first place!”

The expression on her face made Abby burst into laughter.  “I hardly know my own name at this point.”

“Look, Abby, I can tell that you love my little pip, but she’s not the kind of kid who’ll put up with your kid running her life.  Matter of fact – I’m surprised she’s hung in there for this long.  She’s a very independent little cuss, and letting someone else tell her what to do drives her stark raving mad!  I hate to see you blow this with her because I can see how much you care for her.”

“But what should I do, Eileen?” she begged, panic starting to set in.

“Haven’t you been listening?” the older woman asked, cocking her head.  “I’ll tell you again: stop letting your girl run roughshod over you.  You’re the adult – remind her of that.  It’s your house – remind her of that, too.  Don’t let a three-year-old who’s pitchin’ a bitch run the damned house.  It’s not good for her and it’s not good for you.”

“I’m normally a much better mom, Eileen, I swear it,” Abby said earnestly.  “I’m just having a hell of a time with this one.  I can usually figure out how to help her choose the adult path – just not this time.”

“When’s the last time you were the issue?” Eileen asked.  “It’s easier when it’s about curfews and boyfriends and jobs.  This one hits too close to home.”

Abby sat back in her chair and let out a relieved sigh.  “I can’t thank you enough, Eileen.  I’m seeing this clearly for the first time.  You’re a lifesaver.”

“Hope it helps,” the older woman said.  “I wouldn’t have an eighteen-year-old in my house again for all the tea in China!”

***

When Abby got home, there was a message from Maria on her machine. "Hi. Ellen called to say she won't be playing tennis with us anymore. I'm sorry, hon, but I couldn't talk any sense into her. Do you still wanna go tomorrow and look for a single?"

Abby leaned against the counter, trying to will herself not to cry. Hayley walked into the room and said, "Since you're not gonna play tennis tomorrow, can I have the car? I wanna go to Santa Barbara with Gretchen."

There was nothing snotty or rude about the question, but the fact that Hayley didn't show the slightest bit of sympathy for Abby having lost her best friend struck her the wrong way. "No, you can't," she said. "Gretchen has a car. She can drive." She brushed past her daughter without even bothering to say goodnight.

***

Hayley didn't go to Santa Barbara on Saturday, but she did spend much of the day with Gretchen. She got home at around four p.m., finding the garage empty. "Where's Trevor?" she asked her mother.

"He and Sam took the car to go down to San Diego. They're staying overnight."

"Oh." She opened the refrigerator and took out a diet soda, nodding to herself. "That's why I couldn't have the car."

Abby looked at her. "No, it's not. I didn't want you to have it because I was angry with you. I'm angry with you a lot these days," she said, her voice growing softer.

Tears were in Hayley's eyes before Abby could blink. "You've never gotten mad at me before this all started," she said. "Why are you being so mean?"

Abby walked over and put her arms around her. "I'm not trying to be mean, Hayley. But you've been rude and spiteful. You've gone behind my back to talk about me with your grandfather, and you haven't even tried to have any empathy for me. I don't expect this to be easy for you, but I do expect you to talk to me about it like an adult."

"I'm not an adult," the girl said, her tears making her hard to hear.

"Yes, you are," Abby said. "I know you don't always feel like one, but you are, honey. You're going to be a sophomore in college this year. You're old enough to vote, to get married, join the Army – all sorts of things."

"But I don't feel like an adult," she said, nuzzling her face into her mother's shoulder. "I feel like a kid."

"I know it's hard," Abby said. "But you've got to try harder to be mature about this. I can't have this much tension in the house; it's not good for any of us."

"What do you want me to do?" Hayley asked, pulling away and wiping her eyes.

"I've given you a few weeks, honey, and you won't even have a civil discussion with me about Clancy. I can't wait any longer. I'm going to have her come here for dinner, and I'm going to sleep at her house sometimes. I need to see her."

Eyes wide and cheeks hot with anger, Hayley started to say, "You need to fu –" She caught herself and her jaw snapped shut. She stalked out of the room, went into the den and put on her iPod headphones. A moment later, she was lying on the couch, her eyes closed as her music played.

***

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Clancy asked when Abby let her in that evening.

"No. But your grandmother is right. I've given her enough time; now I have to live my life."

"Okay." Clancy stood in the entryway, looking around discreetly.

"She's in her room. Go on into the kitchen and grab a drink. I'll tell her we're having dinner soon." Abby walked upstairs and knocked on Hayley's door, opening it even though she hadn't been invited in. "Clancy's here. We're going to have dinner in about fifteen minutes."

Hayley was sitting in front of her computer, IMing with someone. "Not hungry," she said.

"Suit yourself," Abby said, pursing her lips as she shut the door.

***

After dinner, Abby walked over to her partner and sat on her lap. Leaning close, she whispered. “I wanna make love. How about you?”

Laughing, Clancy nodded. “Yeah, I could get interested. Are we trying to force Hayley’s hand?”

Abby kissed her lover on the nose. “I’m tempted, but I think we should go to your house.”

Clancy’s eyes lit up. “Really? You’ll stay over?”

“Of course I will. I’ve told her that I’ve got to live my life, and that doesn’t include any more drive-by sex.”

Leaning her head back, Clancy blew a big air-kiss into the sky. “I’m a happy, happy girl!”

***

The next morning, Abby woke and gingerly tried to get out of bed. She was expecting the worst, but got up without much difficulty. On the way to the bathroom she thought, Either my back has acclimated or I love sleeping with Clancy so much that I don’t feel any pain. Oh, well, either way I’m thankful.

Getting back onto the futon, Abby lay there quietly for a while, then decided that Clancy looked so delicious that she had to cuddle her. Within moments, she was sound asleep, the feel of her lover’s body acting as a powerful sleep-aid.

They spent the rest of the morning making love and napping. Abby hated to leave, but she was determined to make some headway with Hayley. When she returned home in the early afternoon, she went out onto the patio and saw Hayley floating in the pool.  Kicking off her shoes, she padded over and sat on the deck, dangling her feet into the cool, clear water.  “Feels good,” she said.

That casual comment signaled no hard feelings from the night before, and Hayley sheepishly paddled over to her.  “Sorry about last night, Mom.  I just … I just can't stand to see her,” she grumbled.  “I feel like I have PMS all the damned time. I wish I could be more polite.”

“This is a tough time for you, honey.  I understand … really I do.”

“Thanks,” the girl said quietly.

Taking a breath, Abby said, “But even though I have empathy for you, Clancy and I are going to see more of each other. I've tried to give you time to get used to this, but it's hurting our relationship to see so little of Clancy.”

The young woman gave her a look that was filled with sadness.  She slid from the float and swam for the steps, then stood on the pool deck and said, “I think I need to leave.”

"Oh, honey, I wish you'd stay and try to work through your feelings."

"I can't, Mom. I just can't." She wrapped a towel around herself and started for the house, her slumped shoulders showing her defeat.

***

Hayley got on the Internet and found that she could get a fare to San Francisco for the same price as her ticket to San Jose had cost. She sent an e-mail to Alexander, and went next door to Trevor's room, finding him lying on his bed talking on the phone in his "adult" voice. He motioned for her to sit, so she plunked down onto his desk chair and spun around lazily while she waited.

When he hung up, he asked, "What's up?"

"Who were you talking to?" she asked. "You sounded so serious."

"Oh. I called one of my professors to ask if he had any leads on a job. He didn't," he said, getting up and stretching. "I think I might have to go back to being a lifeguard at the country club." He put his hands on his hips, trying to look impressive. "No running, kids! I have a master's degree, and I’m not afraid to use it!"

"Do your friends have jobs yet?"

He sat on the edge of his low dresser. "Some do … some don't. Seems like there are more jobs available on the east coast. But I don't think I wanna leave California."

"Not even to get away from Mom and Clancy?" She said the name like she was on the verge of vomiting, and Trevor reached over and flicked her skull with his finger.

"Knock it off, will ya? Why does it matter who she's with? It's not like they're making out in the kitchen."

"That'll be next," Hayley said. "She was here for dinner last night, and Mom said that she's gonna eat here all the time."

Trevor sighed, then got up and flopped back onto his bed, making the box springs cry in protest. "So, what are we supposed to do? I want Mom to be happy. I think this is weird, too, but … it's her life. We can't tell her what to do. Hell, we don't want her telling us what to do. It's the same thing, Hales."

"Sucks," she said, pouting.

"Yeah, well, a lot of life does. It sucked to lose Dad. I'm sure as hell not gonna lose Mom. If she wants to date an ax murderer, I'll just do my best not to piss him … or her … off."

"I can't stand to see them together. I'm gonna go to San Francisco until school starts … I think."

"San Francisco?" He sat up and looked at his sister carefully. "You gonna stay with that guy?"

"Yeah," she said, swiveling in the chair. "I think."

"How old is he?"

"About your age. You'd like him. He's kinda like you."

Trevor scowled. "I don't trust an older guy who wants to date someone your age."

"What?" Hayley was clearly outraged.

"You heard me," he said. "A guy my age shouldn't be interested in a girl who's only eighteen. I'd never go out with someone who wasn't at least out of college. If you'd stayed with your class, you'd just be graduating from high school. There should be a big maturity gap."

"I'm mature," she insisted.

He smiled at his little sister. "You're pretty typical for an eighteen-year-old. But you change a lot in college. Things are different when you're working for a living."

"Like you know! You don't have a job!"

"I had a job this summer," he said, "and I interned every summer. It's different."

"Fine," she sniffed. "Maybe Alexander thinks I'm mature, even though you don't."

"Maybe," he said dubiously. "But I know one thing he's gonna expect if you stay with him. Are you ready for that?"

She laughed, seeing that Trevor was embarrassed. "Are you really asking me if I'm gonna have sex with him?"

"No. I'm telling you that he's gonna expect to have sex with you. If you don't wanna, you'd better not stay with him. There's a word for girls who lead a guy on."

She got up and started to walk out of the room, then turned. "It's two words," she said, sticking her tongue out at him. "Hyphenated."

***

Alexander did want Hayley to stay with him, and he offered to pick her up at the airport. All she had to do was convince her mother to pay for the ticket. She went downstairs and found her mother sitting under the pergola, reading a book. Hayley sat down on a chair and put her feet up on the seat of her mother's chair. "Whatcha reading?"

Abby held the large book up. "Robert Caro's biography of LBJ."

"Is it good?" the girl asked, clearly just trying to make conversation.

"Mmm … good isn't the right word. But it's very informative. I'm learning a lot about how Johnson's beliefs and policies helped create some of the social programs that people really thought would change America for the better."

"Did they?" Hayley asked.

"Well … no, for the most part, they didn't. The Voting Rights Act of 1964 had a decent impact, but I wouldn't say that most of the programs had the intended effect."

"Huh. That must be a bummer. He's not still alive, is he?"

"Gosh, no! He's been dead for a long time."

Hayley nodded. "You don't hear much about Johnson."

"You do if you're interested in American government," Abby said. "He was a very, very powerful president."

Looking puzzled, Hayley said, "I took American government this year. My professor just talked about what an asshole he was because of the Vietnam War."

Abby smiled at her. "You can't take everything your professors say at face value, honey. Teachers always have a point of view that isn't unbiased. If you care about a topic, you'd better do your own research."

"So … Johnson wasn't an asshole?"

"I didn't say that," Abby said, smiling. "When I was your age, I certainly thought he was. But he was in a difficult situation. Many people believed that losing Vietnam would spread Communism."

"But it didn't, did it?"

"No, it didn't."

"Why?" Hayley asked, looking truly interested.

"I think the best antidote for Communism is a free, functioning, capitalist state. Communism looks great on paper, but it hasn’t worked. Once people in the Communist states began to understand how little they had compared to people in the capitalist countries … there was no way the governments could hold. Satellite TV did more to destroy Communism than war ever did."

"That's kinda cool," Hayley said. "And you lived through all of that, huh?"

"Yep. I saw it all. I was passionately opposed to the war, but I think that people who supported it had the best interests of the country at heart, too, even though I didn’t think so at the time."

"I guess that's true," Hayley said. She put her feet on her mother's knees and rubbed them up and down. "It's cool that you know stuff. Most of my friends' moms are dolts."

"I don't know if that's true," Abby laughed. "But I appreciate the compliment."

"You think I'll like Clancy someday?" the girl asked, looking innocent and hopeful.

"I sure hope so. I'd like that more than you can imagine."

"Well, it's gonna take a while," Hayley said. "I really don't like her now, and I don't like you for being with her. So I'm gonna go visit Alexander for a week. I can take a nine o'clock flight tonight. Is that okay?"

"A week, huh?" Abby's mind was racing with the implications of what such a visit meant. "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Yes, Mother," Hayley said impatiently. "Trevor already asked me that."

"Can you change your ticket?"

"Not without a penalty, but since it's the same price as the ticket for San Jose, I thought you might pay for me to go to San Francisco now and let me use ticket I already have to come home for Thanksgiving. It wouldn't cost you any more," she said quickly.

"That's fine," Abby said, making a dismissive gesture with her hand. "I'm really not cheap, honey. I just want you to make plans and stick with them."

"Okay. I understand."

Abby leaned forward and grasped both of Hayley's ankles, holding them tightly to get her attention. "I worry about you. Are you sure you're ready to spend a whole week with Alexander?"

"Yeah, I am," Hayley said, blushing.

"How will you protect yourself if you have sex with him?"

"If?" Hayley asked, laughing. "Trevor says I'm gonna have to do it just to get a ride from the airport."

A laugh burst from Abby. "Did he really say that?"

"No, but he said Alexander wouldn't want me to stay with him if I don't sleep with him."

"That's probably true," Abby said.

"I know what guys want, Mom. I'm not nine!"

"So … what will you use for birth control?"

Hayley pulled her feet away, stood up and unbuttoned her shorts, pulling them and her underwear down a few inches in the back. "I'm on the birth control patch," she said, showing it to her mother. "I went to student health before I left in May." She pulled her pants back up and sat down.

"Safer sex?" Abby asked.

"Yes," Hayley said dramatically. "I'll make him wear five or six condoms."

Abby leaned over and put her hands on Hayley's knees. "I don't want to lecture you, but I want you to make sure you don't get into a situation you're not ready for. You know that having sex is more of an emotional act than a physical one."

"I know that, Mom. Well, I think I do. And if I don't wanna do it, I won't. I don't care what I'm supposed to do."

"Fine," Abby said. "And you'd better have been kidding about extra condoms. You know that using another condom increases the risk of breakage."

Hayley's head dropped back and she stuck out her tongue, acting like she'd been strangled. "You've been talking to me about safe sex since I was born!"

"Safer sex," Abby corrected. "The only safe sex is masturbation."

Hayley put her hands over her ears. "Enough! I know what to do, and I know what not to do!"

"I wouldn't torture you if I didn't love you," Abby said.

Hayley gave her a begrudging smile. "Can't you love me just a little less?"

Looking at her with complete seriousness, Abby said, "No, I can't. I love you with all of my heart, and I always will."

***

After an early dinner, Trevor and Hayley left for the airport. Abby called Clancy, and when the younger woman answered she said, “Want to spend the evening with the world’s worst mother?”

“I think she’s in prison for killing her kids,” Clancy said.  “Got anything more interesting in mind?”

“Yeah,” Abby said quietly.  “I’m really down, and I’d love to curl up in your arms and have you tell me that everything will be all right.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen,” Clancy replied, hanging up without waiting for a response.

True to her word, the yellow truck beeped once exactly fifteen minutes later.  Abby stood on the porch and watched her drive in, immeasurably soothed by her mere presence.  No sooner was Clancy out of her car than Abby was leaning heavily against her, murmuring, “I know I did the right thing, but my heart’s about to break.”

“It’ll be all right,” Clancy whispered into her ear.  “Let’s go sit down and you can tell me all about it.”

They did, sitting on the porch, Abby nestled against Clancy’s side.

Abby told her tale, and Clancy said, “I’m sorry that’s how it turned out. I kept hoping she’d rally and try to work this out.”

“I did too,” Abby said softly.  “That’s what I’m most upset about, to be honest.  I’m very disappointed in her.  She’s … she’s not the girl I thought she was.”  She looked up at her partner and said, “I’ve tried my damnedest to make sure she didn’t turn out like so many girls of our social class do – those self-absorbed little monsters who don’t care about anything but how they look and what they can buy.”

“She’s not like that,” Clancy soothed.  “Really, Abby, she’s not.  When we were working together, she was very down-to-earth.  I’m around a lot of those kids, and I didn’t get those rich-bitch vibes from her at all.”

“I hope that’s true,” Abby sighed. She cocked her head and asked, "What do you think of her?"

"Ahh … I'd rather not say. I don't know her well enough to have a valid opinion."

"Come on," Abby said. "Don't be a chicken."

"I don't wanna insult her," Clancy said. "Especially since you say she hasn't acted like herself all summer."

"Okay. How was she just this summer? Give me an opinion of her based on your very limited experience."

Clancy rolled her eyes, knowing she wasn't going to get out of this one. "She doesn't act like a rich brat," she said again. "She acts like an average brat."

Abby nodded, not looking surprised by Clancy's opinion. “I swear she’s changed so much since she went to school.”

“I think that’s true of most kids,” Clancy assured her.  “Give her a little time – I’m sure she’ll snap out of it.”

Shifting around to slip her legs under herself, Abby settled back against Clancy and said, “I just can’t relax, thinking about her wandering around San Francisco with some man I've never met."

"What's the problem?" Clancy asked. "Are you worried about her having sex?"

"No, not really," Abby said. "I trust her to be careful. I mean … I don't think she's mature enough to be in a lasting relationship, but who is at first?"

Clancy gave her partner a light kiss on the cheek. "Good point. It's hard to know what you need from a relationship until you've been in a few sucky ones."

"Yeah. I know she's in for a lot of ups and downs before she'll settle down. I don't take most of that too seriously. What's really bothering me is the way that things are changing between us."

"Changing … how?"

"Our whole dynamic is getting out of whack. Even though she still acts like a kid most of the time, I felt a shift this afternoon. She's made it clear that she doesn't approve of something I'm doing – and that's never happened before. I felt our roles switch a little, and I hated it!"

"Ooh … that makes sense. That would be weird."

"Yeah, it was weird. I liked it better when she was the kid and I was the mom, and I could tell her what to do. I'm not sure I like her being an adult."

"Hard to stop her, though, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Abby laughed and snuggled up against Clancy's sturdy body. "It's funny," she said. "I like Trevor being an adult, but I don't feel like that with Hayley."

"Things will shift and shift again," Clancy said. "She still needs a lot of mothering."

"Oh, I know she does. I just worry that she won't let me give it to her." She made an unhappy little grunt and put her head on Clancy's shoulder, sitting quietly as they watched dusk settle onto the yard, the sound of the waterfall tranquilizing both of them.

***

When it was dark, they went into the house, then decided to swim for a while. Trevor had said he'd be going to visit one of his friends on the west side after he took Hayley to the airport, so Abby wanted to make good use of their alone time.

They swam and played with the dogs for a long time, tossing the girls' favorite toy back and forth to wear them out. When the dogs were sufficiently winded, Clancy held onto the toy and swam over to her lover. She grasped her foot and kicked, dragging Abby with her while she moved towards the waterfall. “Where are we going?” Abby asked, trying to keep her head above water.

As soon as they were under the strong stream, Clancy pulled Abby into her arms. The sound of the water was so loud that it was hard to hear, but Abby stared at her lover, watching her lips. Clancy said, “I imagine we’re on our own little island. Just us and this fantastic cool stream pouring over our heads. We’re safe here, baby. No one can ham us.”

“I always feel safe in your arms,” Abby said, watching Clancy’s smile bloom.

"Wanna sleep with me tonight?" the blonde asked.

"I wanna sleep with you every night," Abby said. She held on tight and started to kick, moving them away from the powerful water. "But I want to be here when Trevor gets home. I think he's a little upset about Hayley's leaving, too."

"Uhm … I guess I can't stay here, huh?"

"I don't think so," Abby said. "Not until I talk to Trev about it. I wouldn't like it if he started bringing a woman home without having asked if I minded."

Clancy let go, then spent a minute floating on her back. "Okay. Give me a few dozen kisses and I'll be on my way."

Abby looked at the dogs and said, "Tell us if Trevor comes home, okay, girls? I'm gonna kiss Clancy until we're both deaf and blind."

***

They were walking to the door when the phone rang and Abby dashed inside to answer. To give her partner some privacy, Clancy stayed outside and threw a ball for the dogs.  Neither dog was particularly obsessed with fetch, on dry land, but they were competent at the game and willingly participated, since it seemed important to Clancy.

Abby appearing a few minutes later, wearing a big smile. “Hayley made it to Alexander's apartment, and she wanted me to know that he put her suitcase in the bedroom and told her he'd sleep on the sofa." She sat back down and let her head drop against the back of the chair.  “I feel so much better.”

“Because she might not have sex?"

"No, that's her business. I'm just glad she called. She wanted me to know she was all right and was taking care of herself."

"I’m glad she called, too,” Clancy said.  “That was pretty thoughtful of her – given that she’s angry.”

“Yes, it was,” Abby said quietly.  Glancing up at Clancy, she said, “That’s why it’s hard to stay mad at the little scamp!  She’s not consistently obnoxious!”

“I wouldn’t go wishing for that,” the younger woman said.  “She might go for that one just to spite you.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Abby was pleased to have Trevor come bounding down the stairs early the next morning, quietly singing a tune to himself. "Hi, Mom," he said, giving her a kiss. "Can I make you breakfast?"

Abby put her arms around him and hugged him close, the calming familiarity of his being home making her giddy with pleasure. "Let me cook for you. I've already eaten."

"You can if you want," he said, pulling away, "but I'm able to take care of myself."

"That's clear, Trev, but I like to pamper you a little bit. I don't get to do it very often. How about some pancakes?"

His smile grew wider. "I haven't had pancakes in months! Let's do it!" He leaned against the counter, clad in a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt.

She patted him on the side, amazed, as always, that the little boy she could effortlessly pick up was now be so strong and solid. "Some young woman is going to be very, very lucky when she meets you."

He smiled his indulgent smile, the one he always gave his mother when she complimented him. "I'm still waiting," he said.

Abby started to mix the batter for the pancakes, thinking to herself that one of Trevor's most charming qualities was that he'd never seemed to realize what a great catch he was. When he asked a girl out, he always acted like he was genuinely surprised that she would accept, even though Abby couldn't think of a girl who had ever turned him down.

He was a handsome young man and exuded a gentleness and sweetness that were obvious in even a casual interaction. He was very mature for his age and always had been. He'd really come through for Abby and Hayley after his father died, shouldering many responsibilities that most men his age would have run from. Abby often thought of how calm and businesslike he'd been when he went with her to make arrangements for his father's funeral. She couldn't have gotten through the day without him, and she knew from that day forward that her son had become a man.

Busying herself with mixing the proper proportions, she asked, "So … how are you feeling now that you've been home for a few days?"

"I feel fine," he said. "I'm a little worried about finding a job, but I know I just have to keep working at it."

Smiling to herself, she clarified, "I meant about me … and Clancy."

"Oh!" He didn't respond for a few moments, and she was afraid to look at him, finding this level of intimate talk very discomfiting. "I guess I feel fine about it." He cleared his throat and she could hear him shifting his weight. "I meant what I said, Mom. I want you to be happy. If Clancy's the person who makes you happy, that's all that matters."

Abby gathered the courage to face him, relieved to see his neutral smile. "But you have to have some feelings of your own, honey. This can't be what you expected to find when you left for Europe."

He put his arms around her and squeezed her tightly. His voice trembled when he said, "I expected to find you sitting on the porch, that sad look in your eyes that I'd do anything to help take away. I'm so happy that look isn't there any more. I swear that's all that I want, Mom; I just want you to want to live again."

She held onto him while she cried, her tears sliding down her cheeks. "I love you, Trevor," she whispered. "Your father would be so proud of you."

"And he'd be happy for you," he said firmly. "You know he would have been."

She nodded, pulling away to wipe her face. "I know, honey. That's never been an issue."

"But Hayley is," he said. "I wish we could have had more time together before she left. I really think I could have helped bring her around."

"It's hard," Abby said, trying to keep some of her sadness from showing. "I expected her to have a tough time, but this …" She reached over to take a tissue from a box and wiped her eyes. "I just hope she snaps out of it. It's breaking my heart to see her struggle like this."

He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "That's just like you."

"What?"

"To be worried about how this is for her. If I were you, I'd be so pissed off, I wouldn't be able to see straight."

She smiled and gave him a tiny shake of her head. "I'm not angry," she said. "I know she's not a bad kid, and she wouldn't behave like she has if this weren't really driving her crazy." She stirred the batter, adding, "Of course, I wish she were more connected to her feelings. This would be a hell of a lot easier."

"You're gonna have to do most of the work there, Mom. She's hopeless."

"Oh, she's not so bad." Abby poured some of the batter onto a hot pan, listening to it sizzle for a moment. "How about you?" she asked. "Are you willing to share some of your feelings?"

He looked confused. "I already did."

"Not the big picture," she said. "I want to know how you feel about something specific."

"Sure. What is it?"

Without turning to look at him, she asked, "How would you feel if Clancy stayed overnight once in a while?" She snuck a look at him, catching him frantically trying to compose his expression.

"Uhm … whatever, Mom. That's … fine."

He was trying so hard to look indifferent that she would have laughed if the topic weren’t so serious. She didn't say anything for a moment, taking the time to flip his first pancake. When she was sure the temperature was right, she turned around and cupped her chin in one hand, studying him carefully. "You're a bad, bad liar, Trev. I don't think anyone would be ambivalent about that question. You should have at least acted like you'd thought about it before you tried to sell that one."

He put his hands in his pockets, pushing them out when he locked his elbows. "Aw, Mom, don't give me a hard time. I really want you to be happy. Can't we leave it at that?"

"No, baby, we can't." She slipped his pancake onto a plate and handed it to him. "Go sit down, and I'll bring you some syrup." He did as she asked and was studiously applying some butter when she sat down next to him. "We have to be honest — completely honest. That's the only way this will work."

"I am being honest," he said. "I honestly want you to do what makes you happy."

"I won't be happy if I think you're uncomfortable. Now tell me the truth. Is it a little soon for Clancy to be staying over?"

He ate a bite, smiling at her with approval. "Maybe a little," he said. "I'd like to spend more time with her, you know? Get to know her a little before she … moves in or whatever."

"Clancy and I need to spend time together, but we don't need to live together right now. I was just trying to get a feeling for how comfortable you are with the whole thing."

He took another bite, taking his time chewing while he thought about his answer. "I think I'm doing pretty well. I have to be around you two for a while to get used to this, but I don't lie awake at night worrying about it." He smiled, and his soft laugh made his mother smile in anticipation. "Good thing I'm used to you and Dad chasing each other around the house. At least I'm okay with your being affectionate."

She smiled fondly at her son. "We were affectionate."

He looked down at his empty plate, trying not to laugh. "You were more than that, Mom. You guys woke me up more times than I could count."

"We did not!" she shrieked, crimson with embarrassment.

"You did, too," he said, laughing at her discomfort. "Since you’d told me about making babies, I kept wondering why I didn't have more brothers and sisters; you didn't tell me about birth control."

"Did Hayley hear us, too?" she asked, looking ill.

"Not until she was older," he said. "When she was eleven or twelve I caught her and Gretchen lurking outside your room one Sunday morning. They ran like rats when they saw me, giggling their asses off.”

Abby’s head dropped to the table. “Dear God,” she moaned. “We always tried to be quiet.”

He stared at her, eyebrows raised. “If you were trying to be quiet, you totally sucked!”

***

A couple of nights later, Clancy had the evening free, so Abby invited her over for dinner. Not seeing her lover every day was making the older woman mad for her, and she showed the blonde just how much she'd missed her by voraciously devouring her lips. Clancy was pressed up against the counter, her feet spread shoulder-width apart. Abby stood between her legs, kissing her ceaselessly. Her head was tilted, her tongue probing delicately along Clancy's palate, making the younger woman giggle. Clancy's hands were low on Abby's back, lightly squeezing her firm ass.

The soft click of nails on the tile floor didn't register with either woman, but the mumbled, "Oh, shit," did. They broke apart, Abby's hand covering her mouth as she gasped, seeing Trevor standing in the doorway, both dogs sitting in front of him. The young man looked like he wished the floor would open up and swallow him, but the dogs seemed very happy to have a new playmate.

"Trevor, I'm sorry –" Abby started to say, but she stopped herself when she saw Clancy staring at her. Her gaze shifting between her lover and her son, she shut her mouth, waiting for someone else to speak.

Trying to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, Trevor walked into the kitchen and extended his hand. Clancy shook it, glad that the young man was doing his best to shrug off the embarrassing moment. "Hi," he said. "Haven't seen you since I got back."

"Good to see you, too, Trevor," she said. She decided to state the obvious, saying, "I'm sorry we were … you know. Kind of embarrassing …"

"No big deal," he said, smiling at his ashen mother. "Really. Don't worry about it. Hell, Mom's caught me doing worse."

"I have?" Abby asked weakly.

"Well, maybe not," he admitted. "But some of my girlfriends' mothers have."

"I'm sorry," Abby said again. She looked at Clancy quickly. "I know that we're not doing anything wrong, but it feels very odd to have you see us."

"I'm sorry, Mom," the young man said. "I'll try not to sneak up on you."

"Don't be silly, honey. This is your home, too. You shouldn't have to worry about wandering into the kitchen and finding us …"

He gave them both a stiff smile. "I just wanted a Coke," he admitted. He walked over to the refrigerator and took out a soda, holding it up as evidence. Then he gave them a short wave and left the room, going back upstairs.

Abby blew out a breath that lasted as long as it took the young man to climb the stairs. "My whole life passed before my eyes," she moaned.

"He seemed fine," Clancy said. "It's over. We'll just make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Ever?" Abby asked, eyes wide. “We’ll never be able to kiss when the kids are around?”

"Well … no," Clancy admitted. "But it won't be a big deal after a while. He'll get used to our being together."

Abby leaned on her partner heavily, not saying a word.

***

Clancy was in the middle of dicing some red pepper when Abby went over and sat down next to her.  “Are we doing the right thing?” she asked, pain and confusion filling her eyes.

“Pardon me?” Clancy blinked.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Have we thought this through well enough?” Abby asked.  “There are so many repercussions to our being together, and sometimes I feel like we’re just stumbling blithely along … without any concern for the consequences.”

Clancy placed her hands on Abby’s shoulders, but the older woman shook her head and stood – trying to distance herself from the embrace.  With a flash of hurt crossing her features, Clancy said, “I know you’re upset about Trevor, but it's not a big deal.”

“It’s not just him,” she said.  Her arms were folded tightly across her stomach, and she looked like she was on the verge of panic.  “There are so many things!  We haven’t even discussed where we think we’re going.  Is this permanent?  Do you want us to live together?”  Her eyes were wide as she said, “And I haven't even been able to work myself up to addressing the biggest issue!"

"What's that?" Clancy was so stunned by her lover's mood swing that she wasn't able to move a muscle.

"I know you want to have children," Abby said, her whole body shaking. "And I love you enough to do anything for you, but I don’t think I can go through that again!”

Clancy climbed off her stool and approached her lover gingerly.  “Where did this come from? Why are you so upset?"  Reaching out with one hand, she placed it gently upon Abby’s cheek, slightly heartened when she didn’t flinch from the touch.  “I want this to be permanent … I want to live with you … not now, but soon. As soon as Trevor's comfortable with it.”  Stroking across trembling lips with her thumb, Clancy soothed, “Don’t you want this to be permanent?  Don’t you love me enough to work things through?”

“That’s the problem,” Abby said, her voice choked with emotion.  “I love you enough to let you go if I’m going to hold you back.”  She fell into Clancy’s arms and let herself cry for a few minutes, while the blonde tried to comfort her.  “You’re so much younger, you have your whole life ahead of you.  You could find someone your own age who'd be able to raise a family with you …”

Clancy grasped her by the shoulders and held her at arm’s length.  “What’s with this having babies stuff? When have I ever said I wanted to have a baby?”

“At the party …” she sobbed.  “And your mom —”

“Oh, please!”  Pulling her close, Clancy gave her a hearty squeeze and said, “I can see that I’m gonna have to debrief you when you spend time with my mom.”

“You don’t …?”

“No, I don’t,” Clancy said firmly.  “I love babies, and I love to be around babies.  But I pretty much decided a few years ago that I didn’t want to have a child.  I don’t want to give up what I’d have to give up to have one.  My mom, however, desperately wants grandchildren – and she thinks that she can coerce me – or my lover – into giving her one.”

“But you seemed so happy when you were holding little Jacob …”

“I was,” she agreed.  “I truly love babies.”  She looked at Abby and asked, “Know what else I love?”

Abby’s head shook, and she looked at Clancy curiously.

“Those cute little chimpanzees they have at the zoo.  I've often spent the better part of an afternoon there – just looking at those little guys.”  She soothed the lines on Abby’s forehead and added, “If they were giving them out on the street corner I wouldn’t take one – but I love them.  I feel the same about babies.  I love them – I love to be around them – and at the end of the day, I want to go home without one.”  She placed a warm kiss on Abby’s lips.  “At the end of the day, I want to go home with you – just you.”

"But —"

"But nothing," Clancy said, sounding confident and sure of herself. "Every couple has problems. Every couple has to make adjustments. We'll have to do that, too. But we can do it if we love each other enough."

"I do love you," Abby said. "I do! But you're so young …"

"So what? Why does it matter?"

"Our families … our friends … our interests …"

"Abby, we've been together for a while now, and I haven't seen our interests clash. And our families will be fine. What are you talking about?"

"You don't even know about LBJ!" Abby said, sounding a little frantic.

"Who's LBJ?" the younger woman asked in confusion.

"See?"

"No, I don't see," Clancy said. "You're nearly hysterical, baby. Now calm down and let's talk about this rationally."

"I don't know if I can," Abby said, still shaking.

Trevor came back down the stairs, his feet hitting the treads so loudly, he sounded as if he were trying to break them. When he got to the kitchen he took one look at his mother and averted his eyes, quickly saying, "I'm gonna hang out at Sam's, okay?"

"No dinner?" Abby asked, trying to calm herself.

He still didn't look up. "We thought we'd go to In 'n’ Out," he said. "I haven't been since Easter."

"All right," Abby said, trying her best to sound like herself. "Have fun."

"Bye, Trevor," Clancy said.

"See ya," he said, exiting the room as quickly as he could.

As soon as he’d left, Abby leaned against her partner and started to cry, letting Clancy's comforting embrace keep her grounded.

***

They had dinner, neither speaking much while they ate. “Wanna watch TV?” Abby asked after they'd loaded the dishwasher.

“If you do."

"What do you like to watch?"

"Mmm … nothing in particular. If I want to veg, I watch HGTV. I like to see home remodeling."

"Nothing you watch regularly?"

"Huh-uh. You?"

“No,” Abby said.  “I just thought that you might. I mean, the kids have a dozen shows they watch.”

"I'm not a kid," Clancy said, smiling.

"No, but … there are so many things I don't know about you. I mean, how can we be as intimate as we are and not even know if we like the same TV shows."

"Yeah," Clancy said, trying to sound upbeat. "That alone should doom us."

Giving her a pleading look, Abby said, "Don't tease. This worries me."

"Why?" Clancy asked. "We're getting to know each other. That’s good,” she insisted. "That'll keep us busy when we're not fucking each other stupid.”  She gave Abby an adorably goofy grin, and the older woman was unable to stop herself from laughing at her.

“I’ve learned that I love you,” Abby said, tugging her into a hug.

“I love you, too.” They kissed a few times, but Clancy could tell that Abby wasn't fully relaxed. "Wanna talk some more?"

Abby looked sad and exhausted. She leaned against her partner and said, "Sometimes this seems so hard."

"It is hard," Clancy said. "But what do you do that's really worthwhile that isn't hard?" Abby nodded slowly, but she didn't look convinced. Clancy propped her partner up and slid to the floor. She knelt between Abby's legs, looking into her eyes. "Look, baby, we don't have a lot of choices at this point. We either break up or work through things. There is no middle ground."

The dull blue eyes brightened in fear. "I don't want to break up! I couldn't bear to lose you!"

"Then quit whining," Clancy said. Abby's eyes opened wider at the admonition. "That's right – you're whining. It's not productive. Hell, it's not attractive, either," she said, laughing. "I'm sorry, honey, but whining wasn't allowed at my house. I don't have a lot of tolerance for it."

"I hate it, too," Abby admitted sheepishly. "It drives me crazy when Hayley does it."

"Then stop," Clancy said clearly. She grasped Abby by the shoulders, and shook her gently. "Make a commitment to me and stick with it. No matter what happens, no matter who gives us a hard time – don't second guess us. Don't ever do it again!"

Abby took a few deep breaths; she concentrated on Clancy’s hands, finally calming down to the extent that she felt as though they were an extension of her own body. “I won't," she said, her voice strong and calm. "I won't."

***

Trevor had to go to San Francisco on Friday to interview for a job, and he decided to go over to Santa Cruz to see Hayley for the weekend. Since he wouldn't be at the house, Clancy reverted to her favorite Saturday pastime of floating in the pool. While she was snoozing, Abby got out of the pool and called her mother to make arrangements to pick her parents up from the airport the next day.

When she went back outside, Clancy woke from her light slumber.  “Where ya been?”

“Talking to my mom.”

“Cool.” The blonde closed her eyes again, settling her weight on the float.

“Wanna know what we were talking about?”

“Only if you wanna tell me,” Clancy said, looking very nonchalant.  “I don’t wanna butt in.”

“You know what?” Abby asked, smiling warmly.

Always enjoying the playfulness and evident thought that Abby’s expression conveyed, Clancy paddled over and gazed up at her.  “What?”

“I really admire you.”

“You do?” Clancy grinned, looking very pleased by the compliment.  “What brought that on?”

“I was thinking about the fight we had when you were angry that I didn’t tell you everything about my college flirtations.”

“Not one of my finer moments,” Clancy said. “That shouldn’t make you admire me.”

“But it does. You want to know what’s going on in my head, but you’ve tried so hard to give me space. Like today,” she said. “Most people would be on pins and needles about my family and their opinions, but I can tell you’re really not worried about what I was talking to my mom about.”

“I’m not. It’s your family and your relationship – you’ll handle it.  If something upsets you, or if you have strong feelings about it, I know you’ll try to talk to me about it. You promised, so I know you will. Other than that, I should just keep my nose out of it. I learned my lesson with the college thing. I can only be concerned with the things that happen between us. The rest of your life is your business.”

“That’s another thing I like,” Abby said.  “You’re darned confident, Clancy O’Connor.  You’re not always worried that this isn’t going to work out.  Actually,” she amended, “you’re cocky.”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” she asked, flashing a convincingly cocky smile.  “If I keep you happy and satisfied, you won’t have any reason to leave.  And if you do … you’re obviously not a very bright woman. If that’s true, why would I want you?”

“I just love self-confidence,” Abby said.  “It’s so sexy.”

“Gotta be honest,” Clancy said. “I’ve had some very shaky days.  In the beginning, I was sure you were gonna freak and not be able to hang in there.”  Abby nodded, having been worried about the same thing.  “But once we got past the first couple of weeks, and you started telling people – I figured you probably wouldn’t get cold feet.”  She grasped Abby’s legs, which were dangling in the water, and kissed both of her knees.  “That doesn’t mean that I’ve been happy with the pace you’ve set, but I didn’t think you’d break up with me. Once I was confident of that, I knew the only thing that would hold on to you, or make you leave, was me.  And I’m very confident of me.”

“You have every reason to be,” Abby agreed, gazing at her lover with a look filled with admiration.

Clancy tugged at Abby’s legs until they were wrapped around her waist, then kicked away from the side, nearly submerging herself. She had to work hard to stay above water, but her strong legs kept them afloat. “I’m having such a nice day,” she said.

“Me, too,” Abby said. “The only think I’d add is a little loving. Up for it?” she asked, taking a nibble of Clancy’s wet earlobe.

“Always,” the blonde said, grinning sexily. “But only if we go to my house. I don’t think I could relax here.”

Abby started to protest that Trevor wouldn’t return unexpectedly, but she knew that worrying about the smallest thing could ruin the mood. “Okay. Let’s have dinner here, then go to your house for dessert.”

“My favorite treat,” Clancy said. “And it’s never too filling.”

Abby leaned back, floating while still encircling Clancy’s waist. “Would you like to come out as a couple? In public, I mean.”

“Uhm … sure, I guess.  I mean, I’m out to everyone in the world, so it’s not an issue for me. I’m a little surprised you’re ready to do that, though.”

“Why?” Abby started to slap at the water with her open hands. “Everyone I care about knows. Whether or not they’re happy about it, they know.”

“Good point,” Clancy said. She removed Abby’s legs from her waist, then moved around to tuck her hands under her lover’s arms. “So tell me about our coming out. Is it some kinda party?”

“Yeah, it is.” She settled against Clancy’s body, letting the shorter woman carry her around the pool. “I love this,” Abby said.

“What?”

“Playing like this. I never played in the pool before I met you.”

“Really?” Clancy leaned forward so she could see Abby’s eyes. “Why not?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess Will and I tended to act like adults.” She laughed a little, then kissed Clancy on the neck and throat. “It’s different when you have kids. You tend to forget your childlike traits. You’re helping me re-discover them.”

“Probably helps that Trevor and Hayley aren’t sitting here watching us, too,” Clancy said.

“That always helps me feel more uninhibited,” Abby agreed.

Clancy twirled in a circle, while Abby leaned back and dropped the top of her head into the water, liking the sensation of the aquatic scalp massage.

“Are you gonna tell me about this party?” Clancy asked when Abby sat up and rested in her arms again.

“Oh! You make me forget my own name when you play with me like this.” She recalled where she’d left off and said, “Do you know about my involvement with the local battered women’s shelter?”

“No, you’ve never told me about that. How’d you get involved?”

“Through my church. We’re active in a lot of outreach programs, and that one appealed to me.”

“I could get into helping a group like that,” Clancy said. “My dad’s brother and his wife are batterers, and it’s really messed their kids up.”

Abby gave her a puzzled look. “They batter their children?”

“No, no, not that I know of. They knock the stuffing out of each other.”

Abby couldn’t stop her eyes from widening, Clancy catching her look when she strained to see her face. “They fight each other?”

“Yeah. My aunt Peggy has a killer right hook. She’s broken my uncle’s jaw and fractured his eye socket. But he’s sent her to the hospital a time or two, also.”

“Wow,” Abby said, not knowing how to respond.

With a charming grin, Clancy said, “People in your family don’t beat each other up, do they?”

“Well,” Abby said, trying to be diplomatic, “I don’t have a very big family.”

Clancy half-closed her eyes and nodded. “So, tell me about this event.”

“Okay. They have a big dinner dance, a fundraiser really, in late September.  I’d like to take you, if you’re willing to get dressed up.”

“How dressed?” she asked suspiciously.

“It runs the gamut.  Some of the older women will wear evening gowns, some of the men wear tuxedos … but there will be a smattering of men in sport coats and khakis.”

“I could handle the sport coat,” Clancy said, chuckling.  She kissed the top of her partner’s head. “I’d love to be your date – if you’re ready to make a statement.  We’ll have to go shopping, but I’ll make the supreme sacrifice for you and enter a store that doesn’t sell fertilizer.”

“Excellent! I know I’ll be scared, but I’m ready.” She smiled broadly and said, “When I’m with you … and my parents … I can face anything.”

Clancy dropped her, laughing when Abby sputtered as her head broke the plane of the water. “Your parents?” the blonde demanded. “When did this come up?”

“That’s one of the things I was talking to my mom about,” Abby said. “That, and the fact that they’re coming home tomorrow.”

Clancy stood next to her and grabbed her around the waist, tossing her around like a doll. “I changed my mind! I wanna know every word of every conversation you have!”

Abby grabbed her and held her close. “It’ll be okay, honey. You’ll like my parents. I thought you could go with me when I pick them up.”

Clancy looked a little wide-eyed and said, “I don’t even know what they do, or did, for a living.  I don’t know shit! I’m gonna look like a fool!”

“No, you won’t,” Abby said, reaching out to pat her. “I’ll give you a little background.”

"More than a little," Clancy said. “Give me a lot.”

Abby nodded and said, “Well, my father is an electrical engineer.  He was a professor at Cal Tech when I was a child, but he and another friend started a business in … oh … 1962 or ’63.  They started out making specialized tubes for computers – back when a computer could fill a garage. They changed their product line little by little, finally coming up with a design to let computers share certain functions by moving information between multiple computers.  In essence, they designed the precursor to the router,” she said with a small smile.

“I don’t know a lot about computers, but I know that’s a big deal,” Clancy said.  “Does he still have the company?”

“No.  They sold out about 1980.  Luckily, he struck a wonderful deal with a much larger company that not only paid him quite a bit of money – he also got a small royalty for every router the company sold for a number of years.  That was right before the big technology boom, and he did … quite well,” Abby said, again giving Clancy an enigmatic smile.

“They’re loaded, right?” Clancy asked, a similar smile on her face.

“Oh, yeah,” Abby smiled.  “Very much so.”

“And you’re their only heir … so that makes you …”

“Bad assumption,” Abby said.  “They believe that inherited wealth is a very bad thing.  All of their estate will go to their favorite charities.”

“Are you serious?” Clancy gasped.  “They’re not leaving their money to their only child?”

“Nope, and I agree with them completely. They’re very generous with me, but their money isn’t mine.  I didn’t earn it, they did.”

“Isn’t that weird?” Clancy asked, unable to get her mind around this one.

“No, not at all.  I do just fine.  Will left me well-fixed, and I still receive his share of the profits from his law partnership. I have plenty of money to maintain my lifestyle without ever having to work.  That’s all that I need.”

“Wow,” Clancy said.  “That’s gonna take me a while to get used to.”  She thought about all of the information for a bit, then asked, “Are we talking a whole lot of money?”

Abby nodded. “A whole lot. Go to Paris for lunch kinda money.”

“Wow,” Clancy repeated. “I’ve never known anyone that rich.”

“You still don’t,” Abby teased. “You won’t meet my parents until tomorrow.”

“I’m being serious,” Clancy said, seeing the teasing smile on her partner’s face. “Hasn’t it ever bothered you that you won’t get their money?” She paused for a second, then added, “You don’t have that kinda money, do you?”

“No, no, not at all. I have to spend almost all of my income, but I only touch my principle for things like home improvement. Like to have the landscaping done. I had to dip into my stash for that.”

“But you have a pretty big stash, right?”

“Mmm … it’s big for a woman who’s never worked, but I’m not in the position to donate a building to UCLA or anything like that.” She cocked her head and asked, “Why? You’ve never been interested in my money before.”

Clancy laughed. “I never knew how rich you were! I mean, how rich your parents are. What do the kids think? Are they pissed they’re not gonna hit the Mother Lode?”

“They might be, but they’d better get used to it. I’m leaving my money to you.”

“To me?” Clancy almost dropped Abby, struggling to get her feet under her again. Abby disentangled her legs and floated a short distance away. “Are you crazy?”

“No,” the older woman calmly said, now floating on her back. “Will and I always told them they weren’t getting money from us. They might think I’ve changed my mind, but I’ll tell them I haven’t.”

“Oh, great, another reason to hate me!”

Clancy looked terribly aggrieved, and Abby stood and tried to soothe her. “I won’t tell them I’m leaving it to you right away.” She put her arms around Clancy and kissed her. “But if it comes up, I’m going to tell them that nothing has changed. They’re on their own.”

“It’s trippy,” Clancy said. “I really can’t figure this out.”

“Why? Your parents didn’t even pay for your college tuition.”

“No, but they felt like shit about it. They really wanted to pay for me.”

“Ahh … maybe that’s the difference. Well, I’ve paid for their tuition, their room and board, and given them a generous allowance. I’ve told them I’ll support them as long as they’re in school. That includes post-graduate work. But once they’re finished with school, they have to work. I might give them money to make a down-payment on a house, but only if they’ve shown that they’re mature enough to handle the mortgage.”

“Damn, you’re tough! I thought you’d be very …” She trailed off, not wanting to say what was really on her mind.

“Very what?” Abby asked.

“Uhm … different.”

Seeing the evasive look on her face, Abby pinched the blonde on the butt, laughing when Clancy squealed. “You thought I’d give them everything I had, even if I had to move into a transient hotel, didn’t you?”

“Well, maybe not that bad,” Clancy said. “But I did think you’d baby them.”

Abby kissed her again and said, “I baby them emotionally, but I’m trying to stop that.”

“Is that how your parents were?”

“Not really,” Abby admitted. “My parents are great, but they … they treated me like an adult from the time I was in high school. Luckily for them, I usually much acted like one.”

“Did your mom work with your dad?”

“No.  She was a student of his at Cal Tech, and she went on to get her Ph.D. in computer science.  She’s been a professor at Cal Tech since I was about three.  She should retire, but she loves it too much to even think of it.”

“A student of your father’s, huh?” Clancy asked.  “Does that mean there’s an …”

“Age difference?” Abby asked.  “Yes, indeed.  Ten years.”

“Phew,” Clancy said, wiping her brow.  “That’s one thing they won’t be able to complain about.  You’re with a poor, relatively uneducated, blue-collar woman, but they can’t bitch about the age difference!”

"You're not uneducated," Abby said, then stopped to listen to herself. "That's not what I meant!"

"I know what you meant," Clancy said. "And I'm only relatively uneducated. You've got a master’s and your mother has a Ph.D."

Abby wrinkled her nose. "My dad does, too."

"Fuck me," Clancy said, laughing good-naturedly. “Why couldn’t you just be rich? Rich and smart is overkill!” She lay on her back and kicked her way around a big circle. “I’m gonna have to practice being self-confident tonight ‘cause I’m gonna need all of my goods tomorrow.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

“You know, you didn’t really have to wear long pants,” Abby said, sparing a smile at Clancy on the way to the airport the next day.

“You’ve got on a dress, and I’m supposed to go in shorts?” Clancy asked.  “Are you mad?”

“You’re nervous, aren’t you?” Abby asked sympathetically.  “And come to think of it, where did you get those pants?  Did you buy new clothes?”

“Yes,” she said, grimacing.  “I didn’t want to wear those nice crepe ones I bought, and the only other long pants I have are jeans.  I thought I could always use a nice pair of navy blue poplin.”

Giving her another look, Abby asked, “That’s a new blouse, too, isn’t it?”

“Yes.  I’m trying to at least look my age,” she said.  “Am I close?”

“You look wonderful.  Really.  My parents aren’t into that dress-to-impress thing, anyway.”

“You’re wearing a dress,” Clancy pointed out.

“Oh.  Right.”  She grinned widely.  “But it’s a sundress.  Practically a swimsuit cover-up.”

“Uh-huh.  I’d like to see the fool who wears a pink linen dress over a wet swimsuit.”  She took Abby’s hand and gave it a kiss.  “You look luscious, by the way.  Very East Coast preppy.  I like that about you.”

“Well, Mom’s a Mainer through and through.  I guess I adopted the preppy look from her.”

“I love the way you dress. Reminds me of the Kennedys, but sexy.”

“Jackie or Rose?” Abby asked, winking at her.

“Who’s Rose?” Clancy asked, looking blank for a moment before she chuckled evilly. “Gotcha!”

***

They waited at the baggage carousels for what seemed to Clancy like an eternity, but was probably less than twenty minutes.  She paced like a caged beast, with Abby watching her, a wry half-smile on her face.

“It'll be fine,” she said for the fourth time.

“Easy for you to say – they have to like you!”

“Where’s the confident Clancy O’Connor I find so sexy?”

“How can you talk about sex when your parents are going to be here at any minute?” Clancy whispered loudly.

“You’re going to be pleasantly surprised,” she said.  “If they hated the ground you walked on, you’d never know.  Trust me on this – if nothing else, they’re amazingly polite.”

“Well, that’s something,” Clancy allowed, making Abby smile at her grumpiness.

The plane was announced, and when the luggage started to careen down the chute Clancy grabbed Abby and pressed a kiss to her mouth.  “Just in case they ground you and won’t let you go out with me again,” she said dramatically.

Abby grasped her hand and tugged her over to the escalator that would admit the debarking passengers.  She laced their fingers together and held on tight, despite Clancy’s attempts to pull away.  “Unh-uh,” she insisted, putting the linked hands to her lips and gently kissing Clancy’s hand.  “You’re mine.  I’m not letting you get away.”

Clancy rolled her eyes, but let herself be kept, finding herself reassured by the grasp of Abby’s cool, dry hand.

Abby’s eyes lit up with delight as a handsome, older couple appeared at the top of the escalator.  “Mom, Dad!” she called out to catch their attention.  Wide smiles graced both faces, and Clancy felt some of her unease dissipate when she saw nothing but warm affection from the pair.  They approached, and each gave Abby a robust hug, allowing Clancy to spend a moment assessing them.  Abby’s mom was actually a little taller than her daughter, and very impressive looking.  She had very broad shoulders and a substantial chest, which narrowed to slim hips and remarkably long legs.  Her hair was snow white, and her blue eyes were nearly identical to Abby’s.  Her jaw was even stronger, and her eyes were set deeper, giving her a very intent, focused look.  There was no mistaking that this woman was Abby’s mother, but there was also something very dissimilar about them.

Taking a long look at Abby’s father, however, snapped the puzzle pieces into place.  He was at least five inches shorter than his wife, and what little hair he had was cropped so short it looked like silver peach fuzz.  His eyes were also blue, but didn’t have the vivid sparkle of his child’s.  The real similarity between him and his offspring was in their body styles.  Abby looked like a slightly taller, distaff version of her father: with defined, but not overly broad shoulders; a long, lean frame; and serviceable, but not bulky musculature.  He looked like an athlete, a swimmer perhaps – like his daughter.  Their skin tones were similar, too – with the man’s skin bearing an even tan that made him appear healthy and vibrant.

“Mom, Dad,” Abby said, “this is Clancy O’Connor … my …” She paused and gave Clancy an adorably puzzled look.  “Girlfriend?” she finished tentatively.

“Not bad,” Clancy said, returning the smile.

She extended her hand, and the older woman said, “Elizabeth Tudor.  And this is my husband, Philip.”

“It’s good to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Tudor,” Clancy began, but Elizabeth waved off her attempt at formality.

“Elizabeth and Philip, please, Clancy.”

“Will do,” she said.  “How was your flight?”

“The same as all of them,” Elizabeth said.  “Flying is the only time in my life that I hope to be bored.”

“I’m glad you were bored,” Abby said, giving her mother a warm hug.  “I really missed you both this summer.”

“You couldn’t have been too lonely,” Elizabeth said.  “This is the only summer you haven’t come to visit.”

“Oh, I missed you,” Abby insisted. “I just wanted you to come home sooner.”

“Well, we’re here now.  You’ll have to come for twice as long next summer.  Have you ever been to Maine, Clancy?” Elizabeth asked.

“No, I never have.  I’ve always wanted to go, though.”

“We’re there from April to October. You and Abby are welcome at any time.”

This is not going half bad, Clancy reassured herself as she smiled at the older woman.  Not bad at all.

***

When they neared the car, Philip gave Abby a look and asked, “When did you get this, honey?”

“About an hour ago,” she said, popping the locks on the Mercedes SUV.  “It’s Maria’s.  I got a new car, but it only seats two comfortably.”  At her father’s raised eyebrow, she said, “Midlife crisis, Dad.  A hot car and a younger woman.”

“I haven’t seen the car,” he said, “but you did pretty well in the younger woman department.”

Clancy blushed under the weight of his teasing, making her all the more adorable.

“The car’s not half as cute,” Abby assured him, making even the tips of Clancy’s ears color.

***

When they arrived at their home, the Tudors let out twin sighs of relief.  “I miss Pasadena when we’re in Maine, and I miss Maine when we’re in Pasadena,” Elizabeth said.  “My two favorite places on earth.”  A smiling, rotund, black woman opened the front door, and both members of the older couple greeted her warmly.  “Frances!  Now I know I’m home!” Elizabeth cried as she wrapped her arms around the woman.

“As usual, Frances,” Abby said dryly, “your greeting was more enthusiastic than mine.”

“I cook better than you do,” the woman said, giving Abby a hug.

“Clancy,” Abby said, “this is Frances Adams, the only woman who can get away with slapping my butt.”

Clancy knew that wasn’t true, but she decided this wasn’t the time to argue.  “Hi,” she said, extending her hand.  “I’m Clancy O’Connor.”

“Welcome,” Frances said, giving her a friendly smile.  She chuckled and said, “Listen to me!  I sound like I live here!”

Deciding to inquire about the living arrangements at a later time, Clancy just returned her smile and walked into the entryway.

The house was a very large, Spanish-influenced, two-story stucco home – probably built in the 1920’s, by Clancy’s estimate.  This section of Pasadena, close to the Cal Tech campus, was developed at around that time – when Pasadena was becoming the address for wealthy businessmen and attorneys who traveled into Los Angeles every day.

“Your home is fantastic,” Clancy said, looking around at the large, airy, well-laid-out rooms.  “Have you lived here long?”

“Not in the scheme of things,” Philip said.  “But probably a long time in your view.  We moved here in 1978.”

“Yeah, just when they got rid of me,” Abby said.  “They waited until I was engaged to get the cool house.”

“Abby grew up in a perfectly decent house within walking distance of her school,” Elizabeth informed Clancy.  “Don’t fall for that ‘poor me’ routine.”

“That’s true,” Abby said, “but this place is a lot nicer than our old house.”

“We had substantially more money when we bought this,” Elizabeth said.  “Those two things go hand in hand.  Besides, you moved into a house that most people only dream about when you should have still been in college. Most girls aren’t given a house like that, are they Clancy?”

“I’m almost thirty and living in a small apartment in South Pas,” she admitted.  “My only real furniture is a futon.  So, no, I’d say Abby’s experience isn’t common.”

“A futon?” Philip asked, cocking his head.

“Yes,” Clancy said.  “It’s the world’s most uncomfortable couch.  Its best feature is that it folds out into the world’s most uncomfortable bed.  It gives you two pieces of furniture in one – but you don’t want to use either one of ‘em.”

“It’s not that bad,” Abby said. "I was only in traction for a few days after I slept on it for the first time." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow in her daughter’s direction and the younger woman said, “Hey, I’m forty-five.  My futon days are over.”

“Your futon days never started,” Clancy reminded her.

Impulsively, Elizabeth put her arm around Clancy’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze.  “I like you,” she said, smiling warmly.  “You don’t let my girl get away with too much.”

“She doesn’t let me get away with anything,” Abby corrected.  “And that’s just how I like it.”

***

It turned out that Abby had inherited her rabid interest in gardening from her father, and after they all sat in the bright living room and enjoyed a glass of iced tea, he took Clancy on a tour.

The Tudor women remained in the light, airy living room, chatting about nothing in particular for a few minutes. After a while, Elizabeth looked at her daughter and said, “Are you sure she's telling the truth about her age? She looks like she's still in school!"

"Well, I haven't checked her license, but I think she's telling the truth," Abby said. "But she does look young, doesn't she?"

"Yes! She's going to love that in a few years, but she probably isn't very fond of it right now."

“Yeah, I think she'd like to look a little older than thirty. I think people think she's my daughter."

"You can't care what people think, honey. You have to live your life and do what you know is right." She cocked her head. "Is she right for you?"

"Yes," Abby said emphatically. "She's perfect for me. She's very child-like and playful, but in some ways she's more mature than I am. She hasn’t had the pampered life I’ve had, Mom. She's had to work for everything she has, and that's made her strong and confident."

"She seems confident," Elizabeth agreed. "And she looks at you like she wants to put you in her pocket and carry you around."

Abby smiled. "She's protective of me, but she doesn't smother me. She really understands how to treat me. And I'm so crazy about her …" She shook her head. "It's actually embarrassing."

“I haven’t seen that sparkle in your eyes in five years now.  If that young woman is the one who put it back, I say good for you both.”

Abby was sitting across the room, but she got up and joined her mother on the sofa.  Grasping her hand, she stroked the soft, wrinkled skin and said, “She makes me incredibly happy, Mom.  I thought … well, I thought that part of my life was over.  I thought I’d have to live without what Will and I had.  It’s such a wonderful gift to feel that spark … that fire again.”

Elizabeth wrapped Abby in her arms and whispered, “I’m happy for you, sweetheart.  The last five years have been the hardest ones of my life.”  She pulled away and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.  “It’s horrible to see your child in so much pain, to see the joy you used to have for life just fade from your eyes.”  She shook her head roughly and said, “It’s been horrid.”  Brushing the hair from Abby’s forehead she cocked her head and asked, “Has it been hard for you to … open yourself up again?  I know how much you loved Will, sweetie.  Have you been able to love Clancy that way?”

Struggling with her own tears, Abby nodded.  “I have.”  With a tender, half-smile on her face, she said, “I don’t know what it is about her, but we’ve been very open with each other from the start.  It’s so different,” she mused.  “In a way, maybe that’s why it’s easier.  It’s nothing like it was with Will – this is a totally new experience.”

“And you enjoy … what you do together?” Elizabeth asked, with only a tiny bit of hesitation in her voice.

“Yes,” Abby said immediately.  “Very much so.  It’s hard to describe, Mom. In a way, it’s like it was with Will.  I mean, I feel desired and loved and wanted with Clancy, and that’s how I felt with Will.  But the way we reach those feelings is totally different.  I must be bisexual, because there’s a whole new side of me that Clancy reaches.  The part of me that Will touched is still his, and I really like the fact that it always will be.  What I have with Clancy is hers alone.  I didn’t know I had this side to myself, and even if I had, I wouldn’t have wanted to explore it while Will was alive.  But I’m glad that I’m exploring it now.  And I’m very glad that Clancy’s the one who’s showing me how to express it.  I love her, Mom, and I’m going to do my best to be with her the rest of my life.”

“I hope that’s true,” Elizabeth sighed.  “I hope you have a long, loving life together.”  She pulled away and placed gentle kisses upon each of her child’s eyelids.  “Forgive me for wishing this, but if this relationship is the right one for you, I hope that you die before she does.  I never, ever want you to have to go through the pain of that loss again.”  She held her daughter tight and soon both were crying softly, sharing once again the heartache that was still so raw, even after five long years.

They snuggled together for a few minutes, a rare but comforting occurrence. “How has my favorite grandson taken the news?” Elizabeth asked.

Abby blew out a breath. “He came through for me,” she said. “Just like I’d hoped he would.”

Elizabeth cocked her head. “Are you sure he isn’t hiding his real feelings?”

Abby took the question at face value, knowing her mother didn’t have a hidden agenda. “No, I can’t be sure. You know how Trevor is,” she admitted. “But he told me it was too soon to have Clancy move in or stay overnight, so I think I’m getting the truth out of him.”

Elizabeth’s eyes grew wide. “That must have been an interesting conversation.”

Abby laughed. “I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations lately, and I think I’d rather have boring ones!”

***

Clancy was quickly at ease with Philip, and she was soon in her element, exclaiming over the seldom-seen plants with which he had dotted his yard.  It became clear that Abby mirrored his style, with Clancy noting the judicious use of showy plants – shades of green and height variations being his main goal.  She always felt that eye-popping plants should be highlighted, and she expressed her complete approval of Philip’s choice of locations for some of the brightest ones.

“It’s always amazed me how few people make use of our remarkable growing season and climate,” he said thoughtfully.  “Up in Maine people slave over their land – working up until the snow is too high to wade through – just to have a show for four months or so.”

“Are you from Maine, too?”

“Oh, no!  I’m a third generation Californian,” he said proudly.  “My grandfather moved here from Chicago, not long after they started settling the place.  My grandmother suffered from asthma, and back then everyone believed that the dry air would cure most anything.”  He smiled at Clancy and said, “This is one of the worst places in the country now for people with respiratory problems.  Too much of a good thing, I guess.”  They walked along, Clancy making note of each item of interest.  “What about you?  Are you a local girl?”

“Pretty much,” she said.  “I grew up in Sierra Madre.  My parents still live there.  On my mom’s side, her father came through California when he was in the war, and he vowed he’d move here.  Went back to Michigan, married my grandmother, and took off.  They settled in Sierra Madre, and he got a job at the quarry in Irwindale.  Hard work,” she said, shaking her head.  “A few years ago he died of a chronic respiratory disease.  White lung,” she added.  “Too much dust.”

“What about your father’s people?” Philip asked, finding himself thoroughly charmed by the thoughtful young woman.

“The O’Connor’s have been in California for years and years.  My grandfather moved down from San Francisco, also not long after the war.  He was a police officer in the LAPD, but was shot and sustained a permanent injury and had to retire.  He and my grandmother moved up to Cucamonga, and he got a job as a security guard.  They both died when I was small; I didn’t know either of them well.”

Philip looked at her sympathetically.  “Was your grandfather shot in the line of duty?”

Her gray eyes danced merrily and she lowered her voice, leaning in close.  “This is a family secret, but I’ll let you in on it.  He and his partner were in a bar after work, and I’m guessing they were pretty well crocked.  They got into a fight, which I’m told wasn’t a rare occurrence,” she said, “and his partner took out a stashed weapon and threatened my grandfather with it.  They wound up out in the alley, and they wrestled, and somehow the gun went off and got my poor grampa right in the knee.”

“Oh, my!” Philip gasped.

“Yeah,” Clancy agreed shaking her head.  “It was a pisser.  But he wasn’t the kind of guy to rat out a fellow cop, even though the other guy did shoot him.  They made up some story about catching someone who was trying to break into the bar.  It worked out all right,” she shrugged.  “My grampa got a small disability check from the department, and that plus his security guard job paid him about the same. And my gramma liked it better because he didn’t have to risk his life on a daily basis.”

“Or work with a partner,” Philip said, grinning.

“Or work with a partner,” Clancy agreed, gracing him with one of her best smiles.

***

After the tour, they switched off – with Elizabeth offering a flimsy excuse about giving Clancy a tour of the house.  Both younger women knew it was so Philip could have some time alone with his daughter, but they played along without complaint.

Father and daughter sat out in the shady side yard, Abby enviously eyeing the small stand of lilacs nearby.  “I just can’t get lilacs to grow on my side of town. Your little microclimate is much more hospitable.”

“One good reason to come visit,” he said.  Cocking his head, his smile growing wider, Philip said, “You know, Abby, if I were thirty years younger, that Clancy would be just my type.”

She grinned at him and said, “You’d need to lose thirty years and some important equipment, Dad.  She’s not as open minded as I am about going from one side to the other.”

He patted her gently and chuckled, saying, “I think I’ll stick with your mother, then.”

“I’m glad you like her, Dad,” she said, giving him a quick hug.  “I knew you would.”

“I do like her, and I hope you know that I don’t have negative feelings about the gay lifestyle.”  He looked at her closely and said, “Having Stephen and Pam and Maria in our lives has really forced me to lose the silly little prejudices I had before I knew any gay people.”

She looked at him, a frown settling on her forehead.  “Where are you going with this, Dad?  I sense a ‘but’ coming on.”

“There is one,” he said, dropping his head a little.  “I just want you to know that I’m not saying this because of Clancy, nor because she’s a woman.  And of course, I can hardly make a comment about the age difference.”

“Uh-huh,” she said. “Get on with it, Dad. You’re not good at beating around the bush.”

“I don’t think you and Clancy should be together,” he said.  “Your mother and I don’t agree about this, but I feel strongly about it.”

“I heard that from Hayley," she said, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Right." He got up and shoved his hands into his pockets, standing up a little straighter. "That was a mistake," he admitted. "She was talking about how much she hated the arrangement and I found myself agreeing with her. But I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

"That's all right, Dad. I assume you didn't do it to undermine me. But it's been hard enough without her thinking she's got you on her side."

"She does," he said, holding up his hands to stop his daughter’s from commenting further. "I agree with her completely."

"But why?"

"The kids have been through enough," he said. "Losing their father at such a young age was enough trauma! You're making a huge mistake by doing something like this."

"Like what?" she asked, getting more frustrated by the moment.

"Like getting into a relationship with a woman! Not to mention how young she is! This is too far outside of the norm."

"But you're not antagonistic to gay people," she said flatly. "Just Clancy."

"Honey," he said, "you're not gay. Why would you choose to live this way when you can be happy with a man? It’d be so much easier for the kids."

"It would be easier for the kids if Will were still here," Abby said. "Nothing but losing me will ever be as traumatic for them."

"I know that, Abby, but you have to think about them first. You have to put your own needs aside and focus on them."

She stood abruptly and glared at him.  “You’re telling me this?  After twenty-five years, you think you have to tell me that I have to make sacrifices for them?  What do you think I’ve been doing all this time?  Indulging myself?”

He looked up at her, his face pained.  “Abby, please sit down.  We can’t discuss this if you’re angry.”

“Damned right I’m angry!”  She stayed on her feet, unable to make herself let go of her indignation.  “I’ve got an eighteen-year-old kid making demands on me, and now my eighty-year-old father is siding with her!  Hell, yes, I’m angry!”

“I’m not siding with her,” he said defensively.

“Of course you are!  You’re telling me to break up with Clancy, aren’t you?”

He sighed and got to his feet.  Placing his hands on her shoulders he gripped them lightly and said, “I don’t want to side with her.  I’m on both of your sides.  I just … I just don’t want to see this blow up in your face.  She’s your child, Abby, and losing the close relationship you have with her would be tantamount to losing Will again!  I don’t want to see you risk that.”

She nodded, her anger dying down to a point where she was able to listen to him more attentively.  “I don’t want to risk that either, Dad, but letting her tell me how to live my life isn’t the way to be close with her.  I’m willing … hell, I’m eager to work to get past this, but she adamantly refuses.  I can’t give up something that’s so important to me, just because my kid is throwing a tantrum!”

“She is still a kid, Abby.  I saw that so clearly when she was with us this summer.  She looks like an adult, but there’s still a young, struggling girl behind that façade.”

“I know that, Dad, I really do.”  She let him wrap her in a hug, resting her head on his shoulder for comfort.  “I love my children more than my own life, but I can’t indulge her.  She’s welcome to express how she feels at any time, and I’ll do my best to make this easier on her, but I’m not going to give Clancy up.  Hayley’s gone now; I’m sure she’ll never live in my house again.  I’m trying to let her live her life, and she’s got to learn to do the same for me.”

He pulled away and looked at her for a few moments. “I don’t know why you’re being so adamant about this, but it’s not like you. I think you’re letting your desire for Clancy get in the way of thinking straight.”

Abby’s chin jutted out and she narrowed her eyes. “This is like me, Dad. This is the part of me I’ve submerged for the last twenty-five years. Yes, I’m still a mom, but I don’t have to give up the things that matter to me to keep my kids happy. They’re adults now, and they have to learn to deal with disappointments and disagreements. Giving in now would just show Hayley that if she throws a big enough fit, she can get what she wants. I’m too good a mother to do that to her.”

“I disagree, honey, but I can see that you’re not going to listen to me. I just hope this doesn’t blow up in your face. Or Hayley’s.”

***

True to Abby’s prediction, Clancy had no idea that Philip was against their pairing, and when Abby revealed the content of their conversation on the drive home, Clancy was floored.  “But he seemed so welcoming and friendly.  Like he really liked me!”

“He does,” Abby said.  “He said if he were thirty years younger, he’d make a play for you himself.”

Clancy gaped at that, the thought confusing her all the more.  “Then why …?”

“He’s worried about my relationship with Hayley.  He seems to think that she’s still an impressionable kid, and that I have to give in to her demands just to make her happy.”  She shook her head and said, “I hate it when he gets involved in emotional issues.  His engineering mind just wants to eliminate the static – fix the bug – whatever he needs to do to make things run smoothly again.”

“So it’s really not me?” she asked, her normal confidence entirely absent.

“No, of course not.  He liked you a lot.  And my mother is wild about you.  She said she hopes we’re together until death parts us.”

“That follows along with my thinking,” Clancy said softly, placing her hand on Abby’s thigh.  “I’m planning on celebrating at least a golden anniversary with you.”

“That’s a little optimistic,” Abby said, smiling sadly.

“No, it’s not,” Clancy insisted.  “I’ll protect you and watch over you all the days of your long, long, life, Abby.  I promise that.”

“I promise the same,” Abby sighed, lifting Clancy’s hand to kiss the smooth skin.  “I look forward to having you right by my side, well into my dotage.”

“I’ll dote on you into your dotage,” Clancy added, giving Abby a smile that conveyed every bit of her love.

***

Part Twenty-seven

After church on Sunday, Abby drove by to pick Clancy up for their planned shopping excursion. The gala wasn’t for two more weeks, but Clancy wanted to buy something before she changed her mind about going. She was wearing cut off jeans and a bright turquoise Hawaiian shirt, while Abby remained in her outfit from church — a simple, unstructured yellow dress and a straw hat with a pair of sunflowers tucked into the hatband.  They looked more like mother and daughter than lovers, but Clancy didn’t mind giving people the wrong idea in this instance.  She needed all the help she could get when it came to picking out eveningwear, and she wanted a compliant, friendly salesclerk.

They decided on the group of department stores and medium sized boutiques on Lake Street, and since Clancy had been shopping twice in the previous two months she was starting to feel like an old hand.

Starting at the larger stores, they spent no more than five minutes in each, with Abby giving their collections a quick look before leading Clancy out once again.  “What are you looking for that no one has?” Clancy asked as she tried to catch up to the longer stride of her partner.

“Those were too old for me,” Abby scoffed.  “You need something that makes you look like an elegant you, not like someone else.”

“Well, I guess I’m not gonna argue with that,” Clancy agreed.  “But maybe elegant and me just don’t go together.”

“Nonsense. You’re elegant enough for any two women.  We just have to find a clothing line that reflects that.”

Their next stop was a smaller store, with a very helpful salesperson who seemed to understand the look they were going for.  She actually produced a dress that would have looked fabulous on Clancy, but it would have revealed all of her back and most of her shoulders, and Abby discreetly reminded her of her multi-color tan.  “This could work,” she whispered, “but we’d have to put some self-tanning lotion on all of your pale spots.”

“No, thanks,” Clancy decided.  “We’d never get it all to match, and I don’t want to look like I just hopped off my tractor.”

Thanking the woman for her time, they stopped at the next store, a medium-sized boutique for young professionals.  There was a small section of dressier attire, and in moments they found the perfect outfit: a long silk jacket with a Mandarin collar, and matching slacks that fit like a glove, showing off Clancy’s well-proportioned legs to perfection.  The background color of the silk was nearly an exact match with Clancy’s natural hair color, and there was a faint pattern to the fabric that only revealed itself under direct light.  It was a complex, mature look, and Abby was effusive in her compliments.  “It looks absolutely perfect on you,” she gushed.  “You look exactly your age, and very sophisticated.  I’m going to drive you up to your parents’ house before we go to the dinner.  Your mom has got to see this!”

“This is one time that I regret you’re a mom,” Clancy grumbled.  “Why do all moms like to see people in dress-up clothes?”

“It’s part of the genetic code,” Abby decided.  “You can’t fight it.”

Clancy glanced at the tag on the sleeve and made a face.  “Well, this will set me back half a week’s pay, but I think it’s worth it.”

Abby looked like she was hesitant to speak, but did so anyway.  “I uhm … was going to offer to pay for your clothes.  You’re only going to this because of me.  I hate to see you spend your hard-earned money on something you’ll only wear once.”

“Then I guess you’ll just have to ask me out again,” she said, patting Abby’s cheek.  She slipped out of the slacks, and handed them to her partner to hold while she unbuttoned the jacket.

“I mean it,” Abby said again.  “I’d like to pay for this.”

Clancy looked at her for a moment, then tried to explain herself.  “I started to get paid to work in the flower shop when I was about twelve.  I did the same work that an extra employee would have done, so my mom paid me the same wage.  From that time on, I’ve paid for my own clothes, entertainment and incidentals.  I stopped feeling like a kid because I was responsible for myself.  If I let you buy me clothes it’ll make me feel like a kid again, and I don’t want that with you — ever.  I don’t notice our age difference very often, but if you start paying for things like this I’m afraid I’m gonna feel it.  Let’s not risk that, okay?”

Abby looked at her for a long time, seeing the determined glint in the cool gray eyes.  “You know what I love about you?” she finally asked, draping her arms around Clancy’s neck.

“What?”

“I love that you know when to say no.  You know yourself well enough to set limits about things and stick to them.”

Clancy nodded and said, “I do know myself well.  And if there’s any chance of causing friction later on, I always choose not to take the risk.  Our relationship is worth more than any minor thing we might fight over.”

“No fighting,” Abby sighed.  “Just loving.”  She kissed her gently, sliding her hands inside the open jacket to tickle bare skin.  “Only one thing I hate about going to church,” she murmured.  “No time for love in the morning.”

Clancy grasped Abby’s wrist and took a look at her watch.  “It’s not morning, but there’s plenty of time for love.  I don’t have to be at work for eighteen hours.”  She was dropping soft, wet kisses all over Abby’s face while she spoke, and the larger woman gave in willingly, surrendering to Clancy’s desires and her proposal.

“Throw some money at someone near a cash register and take me home!”

***

They were both hot and ready for love by the time they burst through the front door of the apartment, giggling while they tried to undress each other. Their lips were merged while Abby’s fingers worked at the button on Clancy’s pants, then lowered the zipper. She pushed the pants down, then slipped her hand into the bright pink bikinis, palming Clancy’s ass. Once she had her hands on her skin, Clancy was hers for the taking. A sturdy thigh wrapped around Abby’s legs, and the smaller woman ground her mound into her partner, all the while hungrily consuming her lips.

Abby had nearly lost all sense of decorum, but she retained enough to know they had to get into the bedroom. She had no idea what Michael’s schedule was, but she knew she was not going to be the first woman he ever saw Clancy making love to.

Slowly, trying to remain entwined, she maneuvered Clancy out of her pants, across the living room, and into the bedroom. She wrapped her arms around the landscaper and spun, landing flat on her back with Clancy sprawled atop her. Now they both let go, kissing, sucking, biting each other in a frenzy, their lovemaking taking on an urgency and a forcefulness it had never had before.

Hands were everywhere at once, and pieces of clothing occasionally flew from the pile. Groans, moans, and the soft, wet slurp of rough kisses were the only sounds. Finally naked, they clung to one another and began to wrestle, each one trying to be on top. Clancy had never seen Abby behave with such abandon, and she absolutely loved it. The older woman growled when she had her partner on her back, then scooted up so her knees were on Clancy’s shoulders, pinning her.

The blonde panted, trying to catch her breath, then stopped to survey the image that presented itself. Abby was wet with sweat, her chest heaving, eyes bright as she looked down at her lover. Clancy lowered her gaze and laughed, low and sexy. “Why in the hell am I fighting? I’ve never seen a better view.” She narrowed her gaze and licked her lips. “Come here, baby, just a little closer. I’m gonna kiss you like you’ve never been kissed. Come on,” she soothed. “Let me get my tongue on you.”

Abby shook her head, then put her hands on Clancy’s shoulders and scooted back. Lying down, nose to nose, she said, “I won. So I get to do what I want.”

Clancy smiled at her, then stuck her arms out, giving up without a fight. “Go, baby. Have at it.”

The brunette got a devilish look in her eye and clambered off the futon. She spied two small tables flanking the bed, and went to the one on the left. Giving her lover a wink, she said, “You don’t mind if I snoop, do you?”

Clancy made a sweeping gesture with her hand. “Be my guest.”

The first table yielded only a large supply of colored pencils, markers and plastic templates. “You want to draw?” Clancy asked, rolling onto her tummy to watch.

“Keep your shirt on,” Abby said, walking around the futon to check the other table. “Aha! Here’s the stash!” She knelt down and started to root through the contents, with Clancy giggling in the background.

“Sure I can’t help you find something in particular?”

“Nope. I know what I want, and I’m sure you have it.” She snuck a suspicious look back at Clancy. “Are you sure you’ve only had five lovers? There are enough things in here to supply an apartment building.”

“Gotta be prepared. Never know when you’re gonna meet a woman with special needs.”

Abby stood up, her treasures hidden behind her back. “Close your eyes,” she said. “I don’t want to embarrass myself if I fumble around here.”

Clancy put a hand over her eyes, but she was obviously peeking through her fingers.

“Come on,” Abby pleaded. “Give me a minute to get prepared.”

“Okay, okay,” the blonde said. “I just like messing with you.”

Abby didn’t say a word, but Clancy could hear a wide variety of noises coming from her side of the room, including a muttered curse word or two. But in a few minutes she could feel Abby’s weight on the bed, and knew the fun would soon begin. To her surprise, the first thing she experienced was a piece of cloth being placed over her eyes. “A blindfold? I had a blindfold in there?”

“Sure did,” Abby said. “Do you mind wearing it?”

“No, I don’t think you’ll rob me when I’m not looking.”

She’d barely uttered the last word when Abby started to kiss her again, starting out slow and tender and soft. These were the kisses that Clancy liked the best – the ones that promised a day full of pleasure. There was an unmistakable message to Abby’s kisses when she planned on making love, and Clancy had never misread her lover’s intent. As soon as she felt Abby’s lips touch hers she let out a long sigh and tried to open herself fully to the experience.

Abby sensed her receptivity and explored her body for a long time, lingering for a while at a few favorite spots, but making sure that every part was lavished with affection. Time and again she returned to Clancy’s mouth, probing and teasing with her tongue until the blonde was humming with arousal.

The blindfold made the experience so much more intense for Clancy that she wondered why she hadn’t pulled it out earlier. But then she remembered that she’d used it just once, with Julie, and she hadn’t enjoyed it much at all. But she trusted Abby so completely that she was able to lie still and let the sensations wash over her like a gentle wave. Each kiss carried just a hint of surprise, heightening the pleasure and making Clancy feel like she had to savor each – since she didn’t know if there would be another.

Abby worked her lover’s body like a pro, caressing each delicate part with the skill and sureness of a master. After what seemed like hours, Abby rolled her partner onto her belly, finally urging her onto her hands and knees. Clancy’s ass was twitching with anticipation, making Abby’s mouth start to water. The younger woman didn’t have a shred of modesty when it came to expressing her sexuality, and Abby loved to watch her body demand what it needed. And there wasn’t a doubt that Clancy needed her lover to enter her. She arched her back and spread her legs, presenting such a delightfully beautiful pose that Abby had to pause for a moment in sheer admiration. She ran her hand across Clancy’s flank, murmuring, “You’re such a beautiful woman. It makes me feel so special to have you be so open with me.”

“That’s because I love you,” Clancy said. “Only you.”

Clancy felt her partner shift, then sensed her warm breath on the back of her thigh. Then, just when she was ready to squirm out of her skin, she felt it – the first brush of sensation against her smaller opening. Her back arched even higher, and her legs spread impossibly wide as she pushed herself towards the touch. But Abby wouldn’t give in to her desires immediately. She teased her lover for a long time, until she was moaning in frustration. “Please,” she begged. “Please.”

Abby stroked her back, her mouth watering as she gazed at her Clancy’s muscular ass. “Open up for me,” she said, quietly but firmly.

“Unghhh!” Clancy reached behind herself, letting her head drop to the mattress. She grasped her cheeks and opened herself as wide as she could, emitting a contented purr when Abby began to tease her ass with the dildo. “Oh, yeah, I need it,” she growled. “Put it in, baby. Put it in me.”

Hands shaking, Abby bent over a little to make sure her aim was true. She held the petite silicone piece in her hand and slipped it into her partner, delightedly watching as goosebumps broke out all across Clancy’s back.

“Yes!” she said, “that feels so damned good!” Abby delicately maneuvered the toy, slowly probing her lover with the well-lubricated object. Clancy had stopped speaking, her body coiled with tension. They settled into a slow, steady rhythm, with Clancy backing into Abby’s hand, the wide base of the dildo tight against her cheeks on every stroke.

Eventually, Abby slowed down even further, and Clancy felt her move. Now Abby was pressing something against her cunt, and the blonde hoped she was finally going to get some relief. Arching her back again, she bore down, opening herself to what she hoped was something – anything to fill her up.

Abby didn’t disappoint. She pressed a new, bigger toy firmly against Clancy, then moved closer and wrapped her arm around her lover’s waist. Without a word, she probed at her opening, then slipped in all at once, stretching Clancy wide open with a smooth, steady pressure. “Oh, Jesus!” the blonde cried, grabbing handfuls of sheet to anchor herself.

Abby rested inside of her, not moving for a good, long time, letting Clancy’s body get used to the twin invasions. Finally, Abby grasped her partner’s hips and started to move, going so slowly that it seemed like forever for her to nearly slip out.

Just as Clancy thought she’d lose her, Abby started to slide back in, going just as slowly and carefully as before. It was maddening, truly maddening, but Clancy had never felt so aroused in her life. Having Abby stretch her so fully and deny her the fucking she desperately craved was about to make her scream.

Clancy bore down again, trying to force her partner to move faster, harder, but all she managed was to make the smaller dildo almost pop out. Abby seemed to anticipate her action, and on the next maddeningly slow stroke, both dildos entered Clancy with the same, steady, unrelenting pressure. “God damn it, Abby, fuck me!”

“I am fucking you,” she murmured, grasping Clancy tight around the waist and burying her teeth into her shoulder. “I’m fucking you slowly.” She moved her hand along Clancy’s thigh, then slid down between her legs. “And you’re loving it,” she growled. “You’ve never been wetter.”

Clancy couldn’t argue, mainly because she wasn’t able to speak. She desperately wanted Abby to get wild, to start really grinding, but the fact that she refused made her crazy with desire. She didn’t … couldn’t just lose herself to the sensation of being pumped hard. Abby’s deliberate style made her feel her flesh stretch bit by bit, feeling every inch of the dildos as they moved inside her. Her hunger grew with every stroke … needing Abby to plunge into her deeper, faster, harder. But her lover seemed to become even more purposeful, driving her mad. Clancy shoved her hips hard, groaning in frustration, but Abby never gave in. The blonde was covered in sweat, her skin glowing pink. The moment Abby saw that Clancy’s frustration was beginning to equal her arousal she leaned over her, feeling the heat. “When you’re ready, I want you to touch yourself and come for me.”

As the words left her mouth, Clancy’s hand flew between her legs, while Abby reached under her and pinched her nipples hard enough to make her groan. The nimble fingers gently massaged her clit for mere seconds before she came hard and loud, backing into Abby hard enough to stun the brunette. Spent, Clancy’s knees gave out and she fell to the bed, both dildos expelled at the same moment. “Oh … my … God,” the blonde mumbled. “What in the hell did you do to me?”

Abby crawled up next to her and helped her onto her side, then cradled her in her arms until both of their heart rates slowed down. Clancy finally removed the blindfold and blinked a few times, the light in the room hurting her eyes at first. Giving Abby a doubtful look, she asked, “Where did you learn to fuck like that?”

The brunette laughed. “I’ve been fucked a few times, remember? I just did what I like, and I hoped you’d like it, too.”

Clancy sat up, resting her weight on her arm. “That’s how you like it?”

“One of the ways,” Abby said. “I like it a lot of ways, depending on the day.”

“But I … I was really aggressive with you. Did you like that?”

“Honey, they heard me coming in the San Fernando Valley.” She stroked Clancy’s concerned face. “Of course I liked it.”

“But you prefer it slow?”

Abby made a face. “I wouldn’t put it that way. Sometimes I really like to go at it. But no matter how turned on I am at first, doing it slow and steady always makes me come. Always,” she said.

Clancy lay back down, looking unhappy. “I always do it kinda the same way,” she said. “It didn’t occur to me that you wouldn’t like it the same way Jul—“ She stopped, mid-word. “Sorry, I know you don’t like to think about me with her.”

Abby ran her fingers through her wet hair, catching beads of perspiration with her thumb. “It’s okay. Did you use toys a lot with Julie?”

Clancy nodded. “Yeah. Pretty much exclusively.”

“Well, honey, if you’re used to one person, it makes sense that you’d develop a certain way of doing something. That’s perfectly understandable.”

The blonde’s chuckle grew into a full-throated laugh. “Second time you’ve ever seen a dildo, and you teach me something new.”

Abby leaned over her and kissed her soundly. “Who said it’s the second time?” she asked. “I was straight, not unimaginative!”

***

Trevor and Hayley sat at a noisy breakfast place near the university on Sunday morning, both a little tired and slow from Saturday night. “It was kinda funny going to a bar with you,” the young man said. “First time we’ve done that.”

Hayley smiled at him. “Like we could have gotten away with it at home. You know Mom volunteers at the airport, sniffing for drugs.”

Trevor laughed at his sister’s penchant for exaggeration. “She’s not that bad.”

“Yes she is!” the girl insisted. “I couldn’t eat rum flavored candy when I was in high school.”

“You did whatever you wanted when you stayed overnight at Gretchen’s,” Trevor reminded her.

“That’s my point! I had to leave my own house to have a drink!”

Trevor laughed again, finding his sister’s histrionics amusing. “We both knew the rules. Mom told us both that she had a zero-tolerance policy, and she meant it.”

“Yeah,” she said, a pout on her pretty face. “We had to get the one mother in Pasadena who cared about us.”

“I’m sure all of your friends felt sorry for you,” Trevor said, trying to sound serious.

“Oh, yeah. That’s why someone invited me for a sleep-over every weekend. They knew I was in lock-down at home.”

Trevor took a sip of his coffee, trying to hide the smirk that covered his face.

“You seemed to be having a good time last night,” Hayley said. “Who was the blonde?”

“What blonde?” Trevor asked, completely innocent.

“The girl you were in the corner playing tongue-hockey with.”

He paused and looked like he was thinking about her question. “Oh,” he said, nodding. “That was Amber.”

“I’ve never seen you making-out with a girl,” she said. “My roommate thinks you’re gay,” she added.

Trevor laughed. “Gay, huh? What makes Ariel think I’m gay?”

“Well, you never bring girls home, and you’ve never been in a serious relationship. She thinks you’re too close to Mom, too.”

Trevor’s brow knit and he nodded. “Yeah, that sounds pretty gay.” He took another sip of his coffee, not responding further.

She looked at him cautiously, thinking her comment would draw a vigorous denial. “Doesn’t it bother you that she thinks that?”

He laughed softly. “Why would it?”

“Most guys don’t like being called gay,” Hayley said.

“Hmm … I guess I’m not like most guys.”

“Trevor!” Hayley was clearly exasperated. “What’s going on with you? After Ariel said that I started to wonder, too. All of my friends wanted to go out with you, but you were never, ever interested. Don’t you have a sex drive?”

He’d just taken another drink and he almost spit it at her. After swallowing, he smiled and said, “You don’t have any limits, do you?”

“Limits?” she asked. “What do you mean?”

“Things that you keep to yourself. You know … a private life.”

“I have a private life,” she said defensively.

“You do not,” he insisted. “You tell everybody everything that you do. I don’t.”

“What is there to tell?” she asked. “All you do is study.”

“Not true,” he said. “But I only talk about the things that I want people to know about.”

“So you do have a sex life?” she asked bluntly.

“Yes, Hayley, I have a sex life,” he said, again only barely answering her question.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” she asked, seeing that he would answer a direct question.

“Sure.”

“Who was the last one and how long did you go out with her?”

“I went out with a woman named Giselle for about … uhm … a year and a half. We broke up just before we graduated in June.”

“You’re shitting me!” Hayley’s mouth had dropped open in shock.

“Why would I do that?”

“Why would you go out with someone for that long and not tell us?”

“Mostly because I didn’t want to.”

“Why? Was something wrong with her?”

He laughed. “No, she was great. But if you and Mom knew I’d been with someone for that long you’d both start thinking that we were gonna get married. I’d have to bring her home and have everyone inspect her. I didn’t want to,” he said. His expression was calm but determined, the one he always bore when a topic wasn’t up for discussion.

“That’s fucked-up, Trev. I bet she didn’t like that you didn’t tell your family about her.”

“She didn’t know,” he said, still sounding casual. “I’m not stupid, ya know. I just came up with excuses why I couldn’t arrange for her to come to California. I went to her parent’s house in New Hampshire all the time.”

“You are a weird guy,” Hayley said, giving him a curious look. “I swear you were pretty normal until you went to college. What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” he said, still unruffled. “I just decided that I needed to keep my personal life personal.”

Sensing something about his demeanor, she asked, “Because of Daddy?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess. It was really hard coming home and seeing how bad off you and Mom were. I would have stayed at school year-round, but I knew I couldn’t do that.”

“I bet it was,” she said quietly, not making eye contact. We were both a mess for a long time.” She looked up at him. “But why did that make you start being secretive?”

“I wasn’t secretive,” he said. “I just didn’t want Mom to worry about me. She had enough on her mind. So I told her the minimum. After a while I realized I liked not having her ask questions. So she only knows about girls from Pasadena, and I was never serious about any of them.”

“I can’t imagine being like that,” she said.

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, laughing. “I was surprised Alexander wasn’t down here this weekend. I thought I’d have to watch you two going at it every two minutes.”

“He’s been down every other weekend,” she said. “I wanted to have some time alone with you.”

“I’m glad,” Trevor said. “I didn’t really want to spend the weekend with the two of you.” He sat back in his chair. “How’s it going with him, anyway?”

“Good,” she said. “Really good. But I don’t want to tell you everything. I know you hate to hear about personal lives.” She added a smarmy smile, making him chuckle.

“I don’t mind hearing about other people’s lives. I just don’t wanna talk about mine. Besides, one day I’ll get married and have kids and my secret life will be in the past. I’m enjoying it while I can.”

“Well, things are great with Alexander. But you’ll see for yourself. I’m gonna bring him home for Thanksgiving.”

“See?” he smiled. “That’s what happens when you have a public life. You’ve gotta bring the guy home for inspection.”

“I don’t mind,” she said. “Besides, I wanna show him off.”

His smile faded, and he said, “Mom’s gonna show Clancy off in a couple of weeks.”

“Huh?”

“She’s taking her to a formal dinner dance.” His expression was mostly neutral, but Hayley could see an unreadable emotion hidden behind his blue eyes.

Hayley made every other diner stare at them when she shouted, “A formal dance!”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “They were gonna go shopping this weekend. Clancy doesn’t have any nice clothes”

Hayley’s head dropped to the table and she moaned, “She’s lost her fucking mind.”

Trevor patted her on the shoulder, partly to comfort her and partly to stop her from making a scene. “Come on, get up.”

She lifted her head, looking disgusted. “How can you stand to be around them? They’re like seventh-graders, making sure everybody knows that they’re in loooove.”

“It’s not like that, Hayley. They really are in love. They’re just living their lives”

She looked at him like he was mad. “So you’re honestly gonna say that it doesn’t bother you.”

He sat quietly for a moment before saying, “Of course it bothers me. I saw that picture of Mom and Dad at that big anniversary party that Gran and Gramps threw for them.” He paused and took in a breath, a fond smile on his face. “They always seemed happier when they were dressed up for a big party. Mom loved to get dressed up and Dad loved looking at her.” He looked at his sister and said, “He was so damned crazy about her.”

A few tears shone in Hayley’s bright eyes, and her voice was hoarse with emotion. “How can you watch them? How can you be there?”

“I’m not around them very much,” he said. “I think about Dad all of the time and how different it was when he was alive.” He looked out of the window of the restaurant, obviously thinking about something. “I know she loves Clancy, but it’s different.” He shook his head, looking like he was trying to dislodge a troubling thought. “Maybe it’s because it’s new. Maybe it’s because they’re both women. But it’s so different.”

“And you don’t say anything to her?” Hayley asked, clearly frustrated. “She’d tone it down if you told her to. She listens to you.”

“Why would I do that?” he asked. “There’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing, Hayley. Just because it makes us uncomfortable doesn’t make it wrong. Mom stays out of my personal life, and I’m gonna stay out of hers.”

“I couldn’t live with them,” she said, a disdainful look on her face. “Not for all the money in the world.”

His gaze landed on her and held. He didn’t speak until she was becoming uncomfortable with his appraisal. “Maybe we don’t feel the same about family.”

“What? Our family?”

“Yeah, of course. Our family is one of the most important things in my life. I know how lucky we are to have such a great mom and grandparents. We’re not children anymore, Hayley. We can’t just expect to be on the receiving end all of the time. We’ve had a sweet life so far with Mom and Dad supporting us in everything we’ve ever wanted to do. Well … it’s time for a little payback. Mom needs our support, and I’m gonna give it to her. If it kills me,” he said, his eyes flinty with determination.

***

The following Friday night, Abby took Clancy out for a lovely dinner at one of Pasadena’s finer restaurants. They went back to Clancy’s apartment, and within minutes the older woman had begun seducing her partner. Clancy’s blouse was partially unbuttoned, and Abby’s hands were teasing the sensitive skin on the small of her back.

Clancy draped her arms around her partner’s neck, closing her eyes as she kissed her, savoring the softness of her lips.

“Know what I wanna do?” Abby asked, her voice filled with innuendo.

“No, but I wanna do it, too,” Clancy said, her breath catching as her zipper was lowered and Abby’s inquisitive fingers slipped inside.

“Done,” Abby said, capturing Clancy’s pink earlobe between her teeth for a nibble. “You’re gonna love it.”

***

The next morning, Abby hopped out of bed and put on some of Clancy’s clothes before heading for the shower. She was back in the room, rubbing her hair with a towel, when Clancy’s eyes first opened. The blonde stretched, smiling up at her lover. “Come back here and do me like you did me last night.” She threw off the sheet and spread her arms and legs. “I’m all yours.”

Abby sat on the edge of the futon and ran her hand across Clancy’s belly. “Very tempting, but we’ll be late.”

“Late for what?”

“We’re gonna play tennis with Pam and Maria this morning, remember?”

Clancy sat up quickly. “What? I don’t play tennis!”

“But you told me last night that you’d love to play,” the brunette said, grinning at her partner.

Clancy looked confused. “I said that? Me?”

“Yeah. I asked if you knew what I wanted to do, and you said you wanted to do it, too. You didn’t ask what it was.” She leaned over and kissed Clancy, her shower-fresh scent making the smaller woman smile.

“You tricked me,” Clancy said. “You intentionally tricked me, and now you’re just as happy as can be, aren’t ya? You’re actually proud of yourself!”

Giggling, Abby nodded. “I am, to tell you the truth. And if you hurry up and get ready, I’ll bring you right back here and do you better than I did you last night.”

Clancy was standing on the floor before Abby had managed to finish her sentence. “Give me five,” she said, scampering off to the bathroom.

***

“I swear it was Pam’s idea,” Abby said a few minutes later while they drove to the club.  “I told her that you didn’t play, but she claims that she’d rather play with a rank beginner than with anyone else at the club. And I’d much rather be with you than with anyone else in the world, so it seemed like a great idea to me.”

Clancy gave her a puzzled look, then recognition slowly dawned.  “She wants me to play because I’ll suck … right?”

“No, no, really,” Abby said.  “She’s a pretty good player, but Maria’s … well, Maria plays because it’s an excuse to force herself to get some regular exercise.  She’s been playing for a few years now, but to be honest, she hasn’t improved at all.  It’ll be like two beginners and two intermediate players.  It should really work out.”  She put her hand on Clancy’s thigh and said, “Besides, I think they both want to get to know you better.  This could be fun.”

“Or embarrassing,” Clancy grumbled.

***

Clancy hadn’t played tennis since she was forced to endure a semester’s worth of group lessons in high school phys ed.  She was obviously strong, and well-muscled, but she’d never been much for sports or organized exercise, and had never been in a gym in her life.  Still, she was in good shape from her job, and she did run a few miles in the morning if she hadn’t done anything too physical for several days – giving her sufficient cardiovascular fitness to be able to stay on the court for an hour.

What she had in spades, though, was determination, and Abby couldn’t help but smile at the younger woman’s furrowed brow as she tried to remind her body how to execute the required moves.

To Abby’s surprise, Clancy had an absolutely lethal backhand – mainly lethal to the poor soul who got stung by it.  Her strokes were wildly unpredictable, but each had enough mustard on it to raise a welt if her opponent got in the way.

They made it through two sets, both won by Abby and Clancy, and decided to have lunch together – winner buying, as usual.  “Well, that was the most unusual set of tennis I’ve ever participated in,” Abby said.

“We would have won that second set if Maria hadn’t kept ducking,” Pam insisted.  “You can use your racquet to return the ball you know, honey.”

“No way,” Maria declared, her eyes wide.  “I could lose an eye!”

“I’ve gotta say,” Pam said, laughing, “you two will be unbeatable if Clancy can harness that power.”

Abby reached over and playfully felt her lover’s upper arm.  “She is a powerful little thing, isn’t she?”

“Little?” Maria gaped, eyeing the younger woman who bettered her by at least four inches and thirty pounds.

“Only Abby calls me little,” Clancy said, giving her partner a warm grin.  “Of course, that only refers to my height.  She wasn’t calling me little the other night when we were leg wrestling.”

“Leg wrestling, eh?” Maria asked, seeing the blush that crawled up Abby’s cheeks.  “Isn’t it amazing the creative ways you can manage to touch each other when you’re first together?”

They chatted companionably, then tried to decide if they would continue the tennis experiment.  “It’s up to you, Clancy,” Pam said.  “Ellen’s definitely out, so we’ve got to find a fourth. I’d rather play with you, but we don’t wanna push you.”

“Sure, I’ll give it a go.  It’ll be a nice way to spend a little time with my girl.”  She gave Abby a toothy grin, making her partner laugh at her antics.

“You know,” Abby said, “you can only be my guest twice in a month.  If you enjoy this, I’ll have to add you as my spouse.”

“Your spouse?” Clancy asked, her eyes widening.

“Yep.  My spouse,” Abby said, nodding.

“Can I come to watch the membership director try not to act shocked?” Maria asked.

“How do we ahh … prove that we’re spouses?” Clancy asked.

“When we did it we had to show that we lived together, and that we shared financial resources,” Pam said.

“Well … we don’t do that,” Clancy said.  “At least not yet.”

“But we might … if I’m lucky, right?” Abby asked, her eyes dancing merrily.

“Yes,” Clancy allowed.  “If you’re very, very lucky I might let you move in with me.  You can call dibs on which side of the futon you want.”

“I’d be the happiest woman in town,” Abby sighed, giving Clancy a look that didn’t contain a shred of insincerity.

***

Clancy got up to use the restroom, surprised to find Maria following her into the building. Maria touched her shoulder and pointed to a quiet spot near one of the event rooms. “Can we talk for a minute? I was going to follow you into the bathroom, but you never know who’s gonna be in there.”

“Uhm … sure.” Clancy leaned against the wall and cocked her head. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to apologize again for being so suspicious of you at first.”

“At first?” Clancy asked. “Does that mean you’re not suspicious any more?”

“Not at all,” Maria said, her sincerity obvious. “I can see how much you two love each other. And if you wanted her money … well … you could have had it by now. She’d obviously give you everything she had if you asked for it.”

Clancy’s cheeks colored, realizing how true Maria’s observation was. “I like that she has money,” Clancy said. “I love her big house and that great yard and her pool. And her car is sizzling hot. But I’d feel just the same about her if she were unemployed and living with her parents.”

“I can see that,” Maria said. “It’s obvious this isn’t one-sided.”

“Thanks,” Clancy said. “I appreciate that.”

Maria’s head tilted, and she asked, “You never told her about my suspicions, did you?”

“No, of course not. You pissed me off, but telling her would have hurt her.” Her gaze grew sharp, her gray eyes looking fierce. “I never want to hurt her if I can possibly avoid it.”

“Thanks,” Maria said. “It would have hurt her, and she’d been hurt enough by Ellen’s stupidity. It would have been hard for her to know I was just as stupid.”

Clancy’s clapped her on the shoulder. “You were looking out for her. That’s not the worst thing you could have done.”

“But she doesn’t need me to do that,” Maria said. “She’s smarter than I am, and more intuitive about people.”

“I know that,” Clancy said, her eyes twinkling. “But you weren’t trying to be a jerk. That was just the result.”

Maria bumped her with her shoulder. “I like you,” she said, smiling. “You’re gonna make Abby very happy.”

“Just like she does for me,” Clancy said, with a grin wide enough to light up the San Gabriel Valley. “And speaking of happy, you two should come by the house on your way home. Abby’s disappointed that you haven’t been by to see the yard yet.”

Maria made a face. “We’ve wanted to, really, but we haven’t had the whole day to spend over there.”

Clancy cocked her head. “Then just stop by.”

“You’ve never had a child,” Maria said. “Alisa was crazy about the pool before. Now that there’s a waterfall … we’ll have to stay until the moon rises.”

“Come this afternoon,” Clancy said. “Come by close to dinner and that’ll make the day shorter.”

“You’ll feed us?” Maria asked, smiling so that her teeth showed.

“Yes, we’ll feed you,” Clancy said, laughing. She clapped the woman on the back and said, “I think I’ve figured out your hot button already.”

***

The charity dinner was scheduled for Friday night, and Clancy knocked off early to make sure she had time for a nap.  Carrying her own eveningwear in a garment bag, Abby arrived at the apartment an hour before they had to leave, mostly to ensure her reluctant partner didn’t try to escape. After Michael let her in she stood in the doorway to Clancy’s room and gazed at her lover, wishing fervently that they had an hour to play as Clancy’s bare body started to work its magic on her libido.  Instead, she gently woke her by rubbing her back, letting just the tips of her fingers play over the soft skin.

When she was coherent, Clancy mumbled, “Have I ever told you that was how my gramma woke me when I was little?”

Abby lay down and cuddled her close.  “No, you haven’t, but I assumed someone touched you that way when you were a child.  The first morning I did that, you acted like you were in heaven.”

“I didn’t remember that sensation until you did it the first time,” Clancy said.  “Maybe it’s a mom thing.”

“It doesn’t bother you when I do things that remind you of your mom or your grandmother, does it?” Abby asked.

“No, not at all.  You’re all moms, and you just can’t help being mom-like sometimes.  It only bothers me when I feel like you’re trying to be my mom.  That’s a no-no.”

“Got it,” Abby said.  “Now get your sweet little non-daughterly ass into the bathroom so we’re on time.”

***

Clancy was dressed, observing herself in the full-length mirror while Abby was still in her slip.  “You look wonderful,” Abby purred, slipping her arms around her partner.

Barely acknowledging the compliment, Clancy continued to poke at her hair.  “Would you like it better all one color?”

“Huh?  What brought that on?”

“It doesn’t look very sophisticated,” Clancy mused, getting to the heart of the matter.  “I think it makes me look even younger.”

Abby gazed at her thoughtfully, and then nodded her head.  “It probably does,” she agreed.  “But why does that matter?”

“I don’t know,” Clancy said, looking a trifle adolescent.  “I guess I just want to look my age.”

“You mean you want to look closer to my age,” Abby correctly guessed.

Looking up at her with a question in her eyes, Clancy asked, “Is that such a bad thing?”

“No, not at all.  But my hair shouldn’t be this gray at forty-five.  If you’re going to get rid of your blonde to look older, I should get rid of my gray to look younger.”

“But I like your gray,” Clancy protested.

Kissing her on the crown of the head, Abby reminded her, “And I like your blonde.  Why don’t we please ourselves and each other, huh?  If other people don’t like it, they can lump it.”

“What does that expression even mean?” Clancy asked, grinning up at her partner.

“No idea.  I just know that I love the way you look — it’s the look I was first attracted to — and I don’t want you to change it unless and until you don’t like it any longer.  Yours is the only opinion that matters.”

***

After an appropriate interlude to admire Abby’s sexy black dress, which included an extended session of laying on of hands, they drove up to Sierra Madre to allow for a viewing.  Margaret was beside herself, gushing over Clancy like she was wearing a wedding gown.  “Abby, I don’t know how you did it!” she cried.  “She hasn’t been this dressed up since her Confirmation into the church in seventh grade.”

“Coincidentally, that’s when I started buying my own clothes,” Clancy said.  “I decided I’d never be seen in a dress again, and I’ve stuck to my resolve.”

“Well, you both look wonderful,” Eileen said.  “John, go get the camera.”

He willingly did so, and after every permutation of mother/daughter, grandmother/daughter/daughter, et cetera, they were finally released.  “I didn’t ever go to a school dance,” Clancy said.  “Is that what it’s like when your date shows up?”

“Pretty much,” Abby said.  “Darn!  I should have bought you a corsage.”

“I plant flowers,” Clancy declared.  “I don’t wear ‘em.”

***

Since the event was for one of the main charity outreaches for her church, Abby knew many of the people in attendance.  Her parents were there, as were Maria and Pam, and several other sets of friends.  As expected, Ellen and her husband Neil were there as well, but it soon became clear that neither of them was going to come by to say hello.  They hadn’t been there long when Abby leaned over to Clancy and said, “I’m not going to act like I don’t recognize two of my oldest friends.  I’ll introduce you later — if they’re civil.”  She got up and smoothed out her dress, held her head high, and strode over to the Chenoweths’ table.

She knew every one of the eight people sitting around the table, and gave each of them a friendly greeting.  After a perfunctory hello, Ellen turned her attention back to the conversation she had been having with the woman to her right, leaving Abby to stand awkwardly behind her.  Looking directly at Neil, Abby said, “I was going to bring Clancy over to meet you, but that doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

“I think you’re right,” Neil said, looking very uncomfortable.  “I’m uhm … sorry, Abby, but I don’t think that would be wise.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” she said quietly, then turned on her heel and returned to her table.

Everyone at her own table had been stealthily watching, but no one said anything when she returned.  Clancy just gripped her hand under the table and gave it a squeeze.

Deciding not to let the slight ruin the evening, Abby stood and tugged Clancy up with her.  “It’s time to come out to a few people,” she said.  “Wanna mingle?”

“Love to,” Clancy said, beaming up at her.

***

“How many people have you two already told?” Abby asked Maria and Pam when they caught up to them near the dance floor.

“Told?  You think we told?” Pam blinked ingenuously.  “We’re the souls of discretion!”

“I introduced Clancy as my partner to two dozen people, and we barely got a raised eyebrow,” Abby said. “I know you two are behind that.”

“Well,” Maria said, “we wanted this to be as smooth as possible for you two.  So we might have hinted at it at the last gay and lesbian outreach advisory board meeting.”

“Just a hint though,” Pam said, nodding solemnly.

“News about sex travels fast, even at church,” Abby said.  “My mother said that three people called her this week to get her to deny the vicious rumor.  We’re semi-celebrities, Clancy. Do you mind?”

“Not a bit.  Maybe I’ll get some business out of it,” she said.  “Landscaping isn’t that exciting, but if people think I throw in a few orientation-turning lesbian sex acts, my phone might start ringing off the hook.”

“You’d better not answer those calls,” Abby said, brow furrowing.

“I have a very select list of clients,” she said.  “It’s limited to you.”  Standing on her tiptoes to equalize for Abby’s heels, Clancy placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

They were interrupted by someone standing right behind Abby, clearing his throat dramatically.  She turned and smiled at an elegantly attired man and allowed him to kiss her cheek.  “Hello, Allan.”

“And just what have you been up to, as if I didn’t know?” he asked, eyeing Clancy showily.

With a small smile, Abby nodded, “Yes, the rumors are true.  Allan Simpkins, this is my partner, Clancy O’Connor.”

“Partner, huh?” he asked, nodding his approval.  “You girls work fast, don’t you?”

“No reason not to when you find the right one,” Abby said, giving Clancy a wider smile.

“Well, everyone else was shocked I tell you, just shocked,” he said dramatically.  “But I didn’t blink an eye.  I always, and I do mean always, knew.”  He looked thoroughly pleased with himself, but Clancy saw a look in her lover’s eyes that she knew meant trouble.

“What do you mean by that?” Abby asked sharply.  Pam and Maria unconsciously backed up, their eyes going round, but Clancy leaned in closer and put her hand on Abby’s back, which was tight with tension.

“I only meant that I knew you had some secret yearnings,” he whispered loudly, for effect.  “It’s okay, Abby, the cat’s out of the bag now.”

She advanced on him, the toes of her shoes touching his.  “Listen, Allan,” she enunciated sharply, “I loved Will completely — totally — and fully.  I never had another thought for another man, or another woman.  I deeply resent your implication, and I demand an apology!”

“I only meant …” he said, backing up.

“I know what you meant,” she rasped.  “I was completely faithful to my husband until the day he died.  Now I’m in love with Clancy, and I’ll be the same with her!  Two discrete events — neither of which has a God damned thing to do with the other!”

“I didn’t mean to imply anything different,” he said, now backing away even quicker.  “I wish you all the best.”  With that, he turned and practically ran back to his table, leaving three sets of wide eyes to stare at Abby.

“Pompous prick,” she muttered.

Maria saw the stunned look on Clancy’s face, and explained, “He’s a big trouble maker at church.  One of those guys who’s always trying to create controversy where none exists.  He’s had that coming for years,” she added, giving Abby an admiring look.

“Maybe coming tonight wasn’t such a good idea,” Abby sighed.  “I feel like I’ve been beaten with clubs.”

Clancy grasped her hand and said, “Let’s go outside for a bit.  A little fresh air will make you feel better.”

Abby nodded and let herself be led outdoors.  The night was chilly, but the brisk temperature was just the thing to cool down her heated temper.  “Why is it such a big deal to have labels for people,” she muttered.

“It’s only important to some,” Clancy said.  “The people who matter don’t see you as a thing or a stereotype, they see the real you.  The you that I see.”

“I suppose,” Abby sighed, leaning against Clancy’s body.  “It’s just tiring.”

“It is. Let’s just lie low a little bit and enjoy being with your parents, and Pam and Maria, and the other people who know how to behave.”

Clancy started to walk back in, but Abby held her back.  Searching her eyes she asked, “You understand, don’t you?  I didn’t want to be with women when I was with Will, and I don’t want to be with anyone else now that I’m with you.”

Brushing her mouth with a light kiss, Clancy said.  “I do.”  She placed her hands on her lover’s hips and pulled her close.  “You’re one of those rare people who falls in love with the soul, rather than the body.”

“I love your soul, Clancy O’Connor,” she sighed, then bent to kiss her, lingering until the air began to chill. She ran her hands up and down her partner, feeling the soft flesh and firm muscles. “But I love your body, too. It’s the nicest fringe benefit a woman could ever have.”

***

At one point in the evening, Clancy found herself alone at the table with Philip.  He got up and moved to be able to sit next to her, and said, “I assume that Abby told you I have reservations about your relationship.”

“She did,” Clancy said, “but I understood your reasons.”

“I hope you understand my reservations have nothing to do with you,” he said, his gaze fixed on her.

She reached out and patted his hand, giving him a warm smile.  “I can tell you like me, Philip.  You don’t look like the kind of guy who would be able to put on a front like that.”

“No, no. I’m polite, but I don’t go out of my way to make conversation with people I don’t like.”

“I know you’re worried about Hayley,” Clancy said.  “I just hope you know that Abby’s devoted to those kids.  She’d never do anything that she thought would permanently harm their relationship.”  She looked at him for a moment and said, “I honestly think she’s doing what’s best for Hayley by going through with this.  She wants to show her that they can work things out by discussing them, but not by making demands.  I’m not a mom, Philip, but I am a child.  If I’d thought I could have made my parents do things my way by pouting, God only knows how I would have turned out.”

“I suppose we’ll just have to see what happens,” he said quietly.  “I just wish I knew why Hayley was so antagonistic to the relationship.”

Clancy wasn’t about to tell him that one element was Hayley’s crush on her, so she mentioned one of her other guesses.  “I think she’s having a hard time seeing Abby be with me because I’m a woman,” Clancy said.  “I know she’s comfortable around gay people, but being comfortable with having your mom be in a gay relationship has to be a shock for a kid.  It’s probably also hard since I’m closer to her age than I am to Abby’s.”

“That makes sense,” he said thoughtfully.  “I just don’t want to see any of you get hurt here, Clancy.  Those women are my life.”

“I know just what you mean, Philip,” she said. “I feel the same way about Abby, and Abby won’t be happy if Hayley doesn’t eventually get comfortable with us. Besides wanting Abby to be happy, it’s in my best interests to win Hayley over.”

He gave her a look, lingering on her eyes. “You’re very honest, aren’t you? Most people wouldn’t admit to having their own agenda.”

She gave him a half-smile and said, “It’s easier in the long run to be honest. I’m a very practical person.”

“So am I,” he said. “The problem is that Hayley isn’t. She’s still a flighty young woman.”

“Yeah, she is,” Clancy said. “But Abby thinks it’s time for Hayley to learn how to be less self-centered. She’s gotta learn sometime, Philip. Now’s as good a time as any.”

***

Part Twenty-eight

For the next two weeks, Clancy went to the Graham house for dinner almost every night, but Trevor was rarely present. He always had an excuse, one just good enough to pass, but Abby knew he was avoiding them. She wasn’t sure if she should confront him, reasoning that Trevor would bring it up when he was ready to talk. Even though Abby’s style wouldn’t have worked for Clancy, the blonde was happy that Abby didn’t let Trevor’s disappearing act change her behavior. Almost every night they played with the dogs or took a long walk until it was nearly bedtime, then they both got into their cars and drove to Clancy’s. Sleeping together every night made both of them content enough to give Trevor some time, but Abby finally decided that she had to broach the topic, even if her son wasn’t ready.

On Clancy’s bowling night, she invited him out to dinner, the invitation obviously taking him by surprise. But he put on a nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt and escorted her to one of the family’s favorite restaurants. After they’d ordered their food, Trevor gave his mother a curious look and asked, “So, how are things going? Are you and Clancy doing okay?”  He shook his head a little and said, “That’s hard to say — you know?”

Abby reached across the table and covered his large hand with her own. “No, I don’t really know. I’ve never been in your position, Trevor, so I only know what you tell me.” She paused until he met her eyes. “Which hasn’t been much.”

He looked down, studiously avoiding her gaze. “It feels … I don’t know, kinda weird being at home. It feels better to go hang out with my old friends.”

“I’m sure it is, honey, but you’re not getting to know Clancy by doing that.”

“I know,” he said. His thick, dark hair had fallen forward, making him look like a contrite little boy. “I’m doing my best, Mom, but I know I’m not making much progress.”

When he looked up, she gazed into his eyes. “Do you think you’ll ever get comfortable with Clancy sharing our home?”

“Ever?” he asked, shifting nervously in his chair. “Ever’s a long time.”

“I know it is,” she said. “And I think you’ve answered my question.” He looked at her, his expression so earnest that she felt sorry for him. “I know you’re trying, honey, but I don’t think this is gonna work out.”

“No, no, it will!” His voice rose and his cheeks were immediately flushed. “Don’t give up, Mom, please!”

Startled, Abby stared at him. “Give up what?”

“Clancy!” He looked like he was on the verge of panic, and Abby was so surprised by his assumption that she was rendered speechless.

“It’s been horrible to see what these last few years have done to you,” he said, the words gushing out in a stream.  “Even though you’ve always tried to put on a good front, I missed your sense of humor and your goofiness.  It’s so nice to see that come back, and I think Clancy is behind that. You can’t give up on her just because of Hayley and me.”

His sincerity and concern broke her heart, and she reached across the table again to grasp his hand. She gazed at him for a moment, her heart filled with love. “I’ll never give her up. Never.”

He cocked his head in confusion, waiting for her to continue.

“You’re right. After your father died, I tried so hard to make it seem like I was okay, but I wasn’t.  Most days, it was hard for me to get up. If it hadn’t been for you and Hayley …” She trailed off, leaving her thought unexpressed. She gave him a smile and said, “But now I feel vibrant and enthusiastic.  Clancy taught me how to laugh again, how to look forward to waking up in the morning.” She squeezed his hand hard, her words filled with passion. “She’s given my life back to me, and I’ll never, ever let her go.”

“Then what …?”

She took a breath and gave him a somewhat nervous-looking smile. “Our living arrangement has to change.”

He blinked, then his eyes grew wide. Abby saw how surprised he was and for just a moment she wavered. But then she steeled her nerves and spit it out. “I want you to be happy. God knows how much that means to me. But I don’t think that’s gonna happen with all of us living together. And I need to live with Clancy. I’m sorry, Trevor, but I need her.”

His eyes closed, and he leaned his head back. “Thank God,” he breathed.

“Thank God?”

Looking at her, he finally smiled, and she could see his whole body relax. “I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of a way to tell you I wanted to move out, but I didn’t want you to think I was being a jerk. But you’re right. It’s just not gonna work out, Mom. It’d be the same if you wanted to have a man move in. I just have a hard time thinking about your being … you know … with anybody but Dad. Hell,” he added, “I didn’t really like to think about that, either, but at least I was used to him.”

She threw her head back and laughed, and he joined her, mother and son laughing so hard that the diners at the surrounding tables shot glances at them. She covered her mouth with her napkin, trying to control herself. Finally, she wiped her eyes with the cloth and asked, “Now what do we do? How do we get from here to there? I know you don’t have much money.”

“Or a job,” he said. “Although I’ve got a good lead. South Pas is supposed to get the money to hire an additional planner, and they want someone young … and cheap,” he added, smiling. “I’m both!”

“I’ve always thought you were cheap,” Abby said, smiling at him. “When is this supposed to happen?”

“They’re on a calendar year-end, so they won’t have the budget until January. But they’re supposed to start interviewing in November.”

“That’s soon,” she said, giving him an encouraging smile.

“Yeah, but I’ve already decided that I’ve been sitting around too long. I’m gonna start doing something. Make coffee, be a waiter, something! It’s driving me nuts to just send out resumes and wait for the mail to come.”

“You could always work with Clancy,” Abby said, partially kidding.

His face lit up. “Really? Do you think she needs anyone? I’d love to work outside while I wait for my dream job.”

“Ask her, honey. If she needs help, I’m sure she’d love to have you. She knows what a hard worker you are.”

“That’s one place I know I’d get a good recommendation,” he agreed, smiling brightly.

“The best,” she agreed. “I sing your praises to everyone who’ll listen.”

He smiled at her and said, “I don’t doubt that a bit.” Taking her hand, he said, “Don’t worry. We’ll get through this.  If we could get through losing Dad, this’ll be a snap.”

***

Clancy slept alone after bowling, and was surprised to find Michael up and already working when she was ready to leave for work. “Well, if it isn’t the bird man of South Pasadena,” she said when she entered the kitchen. He had newspapers spread over the kitchen table and a hand-made birdhouse resting atop them.

“Hey, blondie!” He grinned back at her.  “Alone today?”

“Yeah. I went bowling last night, and it didn’t make sense for Abby to come over for just a few hours. Besides, she took her son out to dinner last night, and she wanted to stay home in case they got caught up in a discussion.”

He raised an eyebrow. “How’s that going? Is he any better than the daughter?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said.  “He’s a very nice kid.”

“How old is this kid?” he asked, cocking his head.

“Uhm … twenty-five.”

“Wow, he is a kid.”

He was trying to look like he was being serious, and just to drive him crazy, she acted like she believed him. She took the paintbrush from his hand and spent a moment applying some hot pink paint to the shutters on the birdhouse.  “This one’s nice,” she said.  “You guys selling many of them?”

“As many as my dad can make,” he said.  “We want to have at least two dozen of them for the craft fair in Arcadia in two weeks.  You and Abby should come.”

“We will,” she said.  “Actually, I bet she’d love one of these for the yard.  She loves to sit out in the back and listen to the birds in the morning.”

“You two seem awfully happy, Clance.  Is the reality as true as the image?”

“Sure is,” she said.  “I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy, Michael.  She’s the woman for me.  No doubt.”

“She must feel the same way,” he said.  “She looks at you like she thinks you walk on water.”

“The feeling’s mutual.”

He gave her a long look and said, “You even look better, ya know?  Heck, your clothes look better.”  He squinted in her direction and asked, “Creases?”

“Uhm … she does my laundry so I don’t have to go to the laundromat. And she … irons my clothes.”

He leaned back on the stool he was sitting on and shook his head.  “She irons your clothes.  You found a gorgeous, older, wealthy woman with the most beautiful house I’ve ever seen, and she not only loves you — she irons your clothes.”

Shrugging her shoulders once again she said, “She wants me to look nice.”

He gave her a sober look and said, “If she’s ironing your little dyke shorts, it must be true love.  Are you ready to make this permanent?”

“Of course I am, and so is Abby, but we’re kinda stuck until the kids are cool with it.”

He scowled, then leaned forward to work on some of the intricate detail. “What if they never are?”

“Beats the hell out of me,” Clancy said. “But they’d better come around because I’m not letting her go. Ever.” She kissed him on the head, grabbed her keys, and headed out to work.

***

Clancy had a very busy day, and didn’t have a moment to talk to Abby. On her drive back from Cucamonga she made up for her oversight. “Hi, I know it’s late, but I was swamped today. Want to go ahead and have dinner without me?”

“No, of course not! Come over right now, honey. We can eat as soon as you get here.”

“Sure? I’m dirty.”

“That’s one of the reasons I love you,” Abby said, smiling to herself when she hung up.

***

Clancy was surprised to find Trevor sitting in the kitchen, smiling at her when she walked into the room. “Hi,” she said.

He stood up and shook her hand. “Hi. Can I get you a beer?”

“Sure,” she said, puzzled, but pleased to have him playing host.

He took two beers out and opened them both. “Glass?”

“Don’t bother.” She took the beer and sat down at the kitchen table, noting that Abby had disappeared.

Trevor sat opposite her and gave her a nervous smile. They sat there for a few moments, both uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke. “I, uhm … wanted to apologize for sneaking off nearly every time you’ve come over for dinner.”

“That’s all right,” Clancy said. She took a drink and put her bottle down, the sound a little loud in the silent kitchen. “I know you’ve got your own life.”

He made a face and took a drink. “It hasn’t been that so much. It’s been hard for me to be around you two.”

She looked at him, a little taken aback by his candor.

“I’m gonna move out as soon as I get enough money saved up.”

Her eyes shot open. ‘Trevor! This is your home! I don’t wanna feel like I’m pushing you out!”

‘No, no, really,” he said. “I don’t feel that way. I need to have my own place. I mean, I don’t wanna see mom with a girl and I’m sure she feels the same about me.” He laughed softly. “No guy wants to bring a girl home and have to introduce her to his mother in the morning.”

Clancy laughed at his words and his expression. “Good point. I never thought of it from your point of view.”

“It’s time for me to get a job and an apartment. And it’s time for you two to start your lives together. We’ll all be happier.”

She gave him a bright smile and clapped him on the shoulder. “You know, you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Now I know why your mom’s so proud of you.”

He looked embarrassed and completely ignored her compliment. The door opened and the dogs ran for Clancy. Abby came in, beaming at both of them, and Trevor snuck a look in her direction. “Clancy and I have a lot in common, Mom. We both love the same woman.”

Clancy laughed. “That’s true. Sounds a little strange, but it’s true.”

“I think we’re officially a non-traditional family,” he said. “Strange is normal for us.” Abby walked over to him and he got to his feet and hugged her, neither of them speaking. The connection between mother and son was so vibrant that Clancy could nearly feel it. Trevor sat back down, Abby standing behind him, her hand on his shoulder. Clancy gazed at them for a moment, thinking that things would be just perfect if Abby and Will had wanted to just have one child.

***

They’d nearly finished dinner when Trevor cleared his throat and said, “I’m not having much luck finding a job, Clancy. Could you use another hard-working guy?”

Clancy’s eyes grew wide and darted between mother and son. “You’re willing to do manual labor?”

“Sure! I’d love to work outside for a while. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting in classrooms. It’d be great to work with my hands before I have to spend the rest of my working life sitting in an office.”

She leaned back in her chair, looking at him thoughtfully. “I don’t have anything right now,” she said. “But I’ll see what I can dig up. How do you feel about heights?”

“Uhm … fine. Why?’

“I decorated a few houses for Christmas last year. I was thinking about doing a lot more this year. It’s fairly easy work, and it helps fill out my schedule.”

“Trevor’s put up our lights for the last ten years,” Abby said, smiling at her son. “He’s a pro.”

“Like I said, I’ll check a few things out and get back to you,” Clancy said. “I’m sure we can find something to keep you busy.”

“That’s what I need,” he said. “I’m so sick of sitting around, I’m about to go nuts!”

“My kinda guy,” Clancy said, giving him a winning grin.

***

Later that night, lying next to each other on Clancy’s futon, the blonde said, “Trevor really surprised me when he asked for work. Was that his idea?”

“Well, I mentioned it, but he was very enthusiastic. He’s always loved to work outside. He cut the grass from the time he was twelve until he went to college. He did a darned good job, too.”

“And you’re cool with that?”

“Sure,” Abby said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Spending a zillion dollars on his education …”

“That doesn’t matter,” Abby said. “All that matters is that he does something that he likes. I want him to do well at whatever it is he chooses. That’s always been my fondest wish. But I don’t have a doubt that my boy will be the best worker you’ve ever had. He’s got a work ethic a mile wide.”

Clancy thought for a moment, letting the words sink in. “Are you sure he and Hayley are related?”

“Funny,” Abby said, pinching her partner. “One day my girl’s gonna grow up, and you’re gonna be amazed at what a good kid she is.”

“I can’t wait,” Clancy said with utter sincerity.

***

The next day, Clancy had only been gone about an hour when she called Abby from her cell phone.  “Hi.  Against my better judgment, I’m keeping a promise to call you.”

“What? I don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” Abby said.

“I’m gonna trim a pretty big tree, and I’m following through like I said I would.”

Abby gulped, her stomach doing a flip while she tried to get some moisture back into her mouth.  “How big?” she finally got out.

Clancy paused, then quietly said, “It’s really big, Abby.  I’m not worried in the least, and I’m going to wear a safety belt, but it’s big.”

“Big like my live oak?” the brunette asked, hoping against hope that Clancy was overstating the size.

“Uhm … no, it’s twice that height. It’s a really big, really old eucalyptus.”

Trying to slow the rapid beating of her heart, Abby asked, “It’s not a widow-maker, is it?”

“Well, I don’t like to use that term, but it is a globulus.”

“What are you going to do to it?” Abby asked, her voice shaking with fear.  “Do you have to go all the way up?”

“Well, yeah,” Clancy said, puzzled by her partner’s demeanor.  “People don’t really want you to just trim the bottom.”

“Can you wait until I get there?”

“What?”

“I want to be there,” Abby said. “Please don’t climb it alone.”

“Honey, I’m not alone. My crew’s with me.”

“Why can’t someone else do it?” the brunette asked.

“Because I’m better trained,” Clancy said. “This tree isn’t called a widow-maker because it’s big. It kills people because the branches get too heavy and break off during a good storm. I’ve been trimming this guy for three years now, and it’s in great shape. But the homeowner is waiting for me, and I’ve got to get to work. I can’t wait for you, Abby, and given how you sound, it’s not a good idea for you to watch me climb.”

“I’m so worried about you, I’m sick to my stomach,” Abby whispered. “Please don’t do this.”

“Baby, this is my job,” Clancy soothed. “I don’t know why you’re so upset, but I have to do my job.”

“Call me the second you get down,” Abby begged. “The very second.”

“I promise. You can trust me.”

“Okay.”  She swallowed and said, “I love you, Clancy.  More than you’ll ever know.”

“Honey, calm down and try to think about the facts. This is just another job for me. Don’t make it sound like I’m jumping off a cliff.  I’m careful, not just to make you feel better, but for myself. I like to climb, but I really hate to fall.  The ground is remarkably hard.”

“Please don’t tease,” Abby whispered.  “There’s nothing funny about this for me.”

Grimacing, Clancy said, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m not making light of this. I was just trying to … Oh, I don’t know what I was trying to do,but it obviously didn’t work.”

“Go to work,” Abby said. “Let’s get it over with.”

“Okay. I’ll be careful.”

“Call me,” Abby said softly, then went outside to work in the yard, just to take her mind off her anxiety.

Working in the garden didn’t help a bit. She did some heavy lifting, trying to stress her body to divert some of her emotional turmoil. Using all of her control, she stopped herself from calling Clancy, knowing that she wasn’t in a position to answer her phone – if she even had it on her. A half hour, then an hour passed, each minute ticking by at an evolutionary pace.  At an hour and twenty minutes, she was preparing herself for the worst, knowing that the next call would be from the hospital.  Her mind raced, obsessing about the call when she realized that Clancy probably didn’t have her listed as a contact person on her health insurance.  She was sitting by the phone in the kitchen, both dogs at her feet, knowing their owner was upset when the phone finally rang over an hour and a half after they’d last spoken.  “Hello?” she said, her whole body trembling.

“Hi,” Clancy said, slightly out-of-breath.  “Sorry that took so long, but it was a monster.”  She paused, waited another beat then said, “Abby?”

“This isn’t working,” she said, her emotions spurting out of her.  “I have to go.”  She blindly jammed the phone onto the cradle and went up to her room, falling face first onto the bed.  She cried until she had no more tears to shed, her body limp, her mind exhausted.

As soon as Clancy was finished with supervising the crew in removing and chipping up the detritus from the big tree, she shook hands with the hyper-vigilant homeowner and got into her truck. She dialed Abby immediately, and her lover picked it up only to say, “We can’t talk about this on the phone.  I’m having an emotional meltdown.”

“I’ll come home,” Clancy said firmly.  “Be there as soon as I can.”

“No!”  The sound of her own voice surprised her, but Abby insisted, “No, I don’t want you to have to come home from work to take care of me. I know I’m being ridiculous. Don’t give into my lunacy.”

“Abby,” she said softly, “I’d do anything to help you feel better.  If I can help in any way, I’d really like to come over.”

“No,” she said.  “That’ll make me feel worse.  I don’t want to be a burden.  I’ll get over this.”

The younger woman sighed heavily, then said, “I love you.  You know that, right?”

“I do,” Abby murmured.  “See you tonight.”  After she hung up, she stayed in bed, the dogs beside her, while she tried to collect her thoughts sufficiently to explain herself to her partner.

***

Clancy was sitting in her truck when Abby pulled into the driveway. She got out and walked through the open gate, going into the garage to meet Abby. “Where’ve you been?” the younger woman asked.  “I’ve been worried about you. You didn’t answer your cell.”

“Oh, shit! I left it in the house when I was working in the yard. I obviously didn’t put it into my purse when I went to my mom’s.”

“Did you just go to hang out?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I need my mom to kiss it and make it all better.”

“Oh, Abby,” Clancy murmured, taking her in her arms.  “I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time with this.”

“I am having a tough time today,” she said.  She walked into the house and Clancy followed, both women being greeted by their canine companions. Abby went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine.  “Join me?”

“No, thanks,” Clancy said.  She sat down at the table and waited for Abby sit.  “Trevor around?”

“No. He’s with Sam. They went down to Baja to surf. He won’t be home until late tomorrow night.”

“I’ve got an idea,” Clancy said.  “Why don’t we see if we both fit in that nice spa tub you’ve got in your bathroom?”

“Really? I’d like that. It might help me relax a little.”

“It’s a deal. I’ll call for some Chinese food.  We can see if we can feed each other with chopsticks in the tub.”

“Sounds great,” Abby said.  She enveloped Clancy in a warm hug, and held on for a long time.  “I’ll go fill the tub.”

***

They were settled in the generously sized tub, with Clancy carefully feeding Abby pieces of spicy, garlicky shrimp.  “That’s truly delicious,” Abby said, leaning forward to kiss her partner and suck some of the sauce from the corner of her mouth.  “So are you.”

They’d had about all they could manage, so Clancy got up and placed the tray on the vanity, then settled back into the warm water.  Abby turned on the jets, and she snuggled up between Clancy’s spread legs and let the powerful pulse of the water soothe her.  “I have to share something with you,” she said.

Clancy felt her lover’s body grow tense. “What is it, baby?”

“I haven’t told you about the day Will died.”

Her statement was so unexpected that Clancy almost asked her what she was talking about, but she moved her head just enough to see the soulless expression on her lover’s face and she realized this was vitally important to her.  She didn’t say a word — she just began to run her fingertips down Abby’s arms in the most calming fashion she could manage.

“He’d been out of town for over a week,” Abby said, her tone relatively unanimated.  “He’d been in Australia on business, and he’d had very little sleep.  His body clock was all messed up, and even though we’d been in bed together all night, I don’t think he slept a wink.  He was really agitated — way too much coffee on the plane, I think, and when I woke up he was ready to burn off some energy.”  She sighed heavily, and just a hint of emotion started to return to her voice.  “We made love for a very long time.  We were more rambunctious than we’d been in a while — we’d missed each other — and, like I said, he was very keyed up.  When we finally collapsed, I felt like I’d run the marathon, but he was hopping out of bed, ready to go.”

Clancy leaned forward and kissed her neck, then tucked an arm under her breasts to hold her tightly, knowing what was to come.

“He wanted to go running, and even though I always went with him, I couldn’t even think of it.”  She laughed softly and said, “He was pretty proud of himself when he left. He loved to drain every ounce of energy out of me.”  She took in another deep breath and let it out slowly.  “I got up and showered, then made breakfast for us.  He had a set route, and it always took him forty-five minutes,” she said.  “You could set your watch by him.  When he wasn’t home after an hour I started to worry, and after an hour and fifteen minutes I knew something was wrong.  I got in the car and started for the Rose Bowl, and about halfway there, I saw an ambulance pulled over to the curb.  They were putting a body on a gurney and I knew — somehow I knew — that it was Will.  I flew out of the car, and just as I got there, I saw that they’d pulled the sheet up over his face.”  She turned and curled into a fetal position, unable to speak, crying piteously while Clancy rocked her in her arms, her own tears falling onto the salt and pepper hair.

Abby finally collected herself enough to speak again, murmuring, “Today I felt like you might need me — like I could save you — if only I were with you.”

“Oh, Abby,” Clancy sobbed.  “You poor, poor baby.”  She held her tenderly, caressing her with the gentlest touch.  “Do you think that you could have saved him if you’d been with him?”

“I don’t know,” she said.  “I truly don’t know if I could have. One of the doctors said that CPR might have kept him alive, another said even the machine that shocks the heart into rhythm wouldn’t have helped.  All I know is that I wasn’t there … and I should have been.  At least I could have held him in my arms when he died.”

“I understand,” Clancy whispered.  “I really understand.”

Abby turned to make eye contact and said, “Do you understand why I was so frantic today?  It felt like the whole nightmare was going to happen again.”

“I do,” she said.  “I can see what happened.”  She wrapped Abby into an even tighter hug and quietly said, “That’s why I’m not going to call you again when I climb.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Clancy said.  “This is a set-up.  Doing it this way will make you crazy.  I can’t do that to you.”  She kissed her head and said, “I don’t climb that often, and I’ll ask Ramon to do more when he can, but I will occasionally have to trim a tree.  I promise to be as careful as humanly possible; I’ll wear a safety belt even for small trees; but I won’t help you drive yourself nuts over it.”

“That’s what my mom said to do,” Abby said quietly.  “She says that what I don’t know won’t hurt me.”

“Your mom is right.  I plan on being by your side for at least fifty years, remember?  There’s no way I’m going to miss out on that party!”

Abby nodded slowly, then turned and gave Clancy a small kiss.  “I remember.  I’m holding you to that promise, you know.”

“The same goes for me,” Clancy said, placing a tender kiss on her lips and tucking her back into her arms.  “Just for the record, it’s getting too late in the year to trim most trees.  So put it out of your mind until spring, okay?”

“Okay,” Abby sighed.  “Thanks, Clancy.  For everything — but mostly for understanding.”

***

After their bath, they went into the guest bedroom and settled down between the cool, soft sheets. Clancy put her arm out, and Abby nestled up next to her, resting her head on her shoulder. “You’ve been quiet since I talked about Will. Everything okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Clancy said. “Just thinking.”

Abby tilted her head so she could see her face. “Thinking about what?”

“About you and Will. Your marriage.”

“What?” Abby sat up, leaning on her elbow, looking puzzled. “What about my marriage?”

Clancy shrugged, obviously not in a hurry to talk. Abby lay back down, knowing how she hated to be pressed and thinking that Clancy might feel the same. She put her hand on her lover’s belly and let it rest there.

It took a long time, the minutes passing in silence, but Clancy finally started to open up. “Sometimes it’s hard to be second.”

“Second? Second … how?”

Turning onto her side, dislodging Abby, Clancy looked at her for a moment. “Being your second love.”

Abby didn’t say a word, knowing that Clancy wasn’t finished. She just looked into her eyes, trying to make her partner feel safe enough to share her thoughts.

“I’m so glad you loved Will,” the younger woman said. “I hope you believe that.”

“I do,” Abby whispered.

“But sometimes it’s hard to be second when the first was so awesome. I mean,” she sat up and hugged her knees. “I don’t really feel like I’m competing with Will, but sometimes it feels like there’s a … I don’t know … like a standard we have to meet. You know … like I’m being judged.”

“Judged by … whom?” Abby asked after Clancy grew silent again.

The blonde turned and looked at her. “By you. By Trevor and Hayley. By your parents. By your friends. By everyone who knew you as a couple.” Her whole body shook and she lay back down, looking tired.

Abby leaned over her, her face filled with concern. “Honey, I had no idea you felt like that.”

“I don’t,” Clancy said. “I mean, I don’t all of the time. Just when you talk about him and I can see how deeply you loved him. How perfect you were for each other.”

Abby touched her cheek, moving her head a little so they were gazing into each other’s eyes. “Is that what you think?”

“What?”

“That we were perfect for each other. That we had some sort of perfect relationship.”

Clancy blinked slowly, then nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

Abby dropped to the bed, her body making a loud thunk. “Oh, Clancy, I’m so sorry I’ve given you that impression. It’s just not true, honey. Not true at all.”

“What?” Now Clancy leaned over her lover, entirely puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that we were just a couple like any couple. We had as many problems as anyone else. Hell, there were times I wished I’d never met him!”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Of course I am.” Abby pulled her down for a long kiss. “I’m sure there will be times I wish I’d never met you.” She was smiling, but Clancy was at a complete loss.

“How can you say that?”

“I can say that because I’ve been deeply in love,” Abby said. “The song is right, baby, it’s a thin line between love and hate. There were plenty of times I wanted to hit him with a baseball bat and get as far away from him as possible!”

“But you’ve never … ever said anything like that,” Clancy insisted.

Abby didn’t say anything for a while, giving the issue the thought it deserved. Finally, she turned her head and gazed at her partner. “You don’t think about the bad times when your lover dies. If he was a good man, and you had a good relationship, you just think about the good parts. You don’t really do it on purpose. It just happens.”

Clancy lay down, her heart racing. “You don’t … you really don’t compare us?”

“You and Will?” Abby laughed, “God, no! I told you before, you’re not comparable. Being with him and being with you are two completely different experiences. I was looking for different things when I met him. I’m not sure I’d choose him if I met him today.”

Dumbfounded, Clancy gasped, “How can you say that?”

“I don’t wanna go into everything that happened between us,” Abby said. “It’s too private. But he was a very good man for me when I was nineteen. He was a very good husband and a very good father. But if I had to start all over at forty-five, I don’t think I would have picked someone like him.”

Clancy sat up again and looked Abby right in the eye. “You’ve gotta give me something. I don’t wanna pry, but you’ve gotta tell me at least one thing that would turn you off.”

Abby reached up and brushed the hair from Clancy’s forehead. She looked so intent, so determined that she knew she had to answer her. She took in a breath and chose the first thing that came to mind. “He had always been the boss,” she said. “That was fine. I wanted someone to be in charge when I was a kid. But after being alone for five years, I’d grown used to making my own decisions. I couldn’t have picked someone who had to be the boss. And Will had to be the boss. I got to vote, but his vote counted more than mine did.”

“Didn’t that bother you when he was alive?” Clancy asked, unable to see Abby buckling under for anyone.

“Not a lot,” she said airily. “No one gets everything she wants in a lover. I bet there were thirty things Will would have changed about me if he could have. We just made the best of each other’s faults and limitations. That’s what you do.”

“Do I have faults and limitations?” the younger woman asked, her sincerity making Abby hide a laugh.

“Yes, honey, you do.”

“You don’t have any,” Clancy said. “I swear!”

Abby wrapped her arms around her and pulled her down. She kissed her soundly, then nibbled on her lips as she pulled away. “I guarantee that you won’t say that if I ask you in a year. It takes a while to become a realist when you fall in love for the first time.”

Clancy kissed her back, pressing her body into her partner’s. “If we’re together for a thousand years, I won’t want to change one thing about you,” she said with utter sincerity.

“I love you,” Abby said, smiling at her lover’s earnest face. “Every delusional part of you.”

***

On the first of October, Clancy called the Graham household, pleased to have Trevor answer. “Hi,” she said. “It’s Clancy. I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“For me?” Trevor asked, confused.

“Not really. Bad news about another guy, and good news for you.”

“Hmm,” he mused, laughing softly. “I guess I should be generous and ask about the bad news.”

“Just like your mom,” Clancy said. “A good-hearted soul.”

“But not as patient,” he warned.

“Gotcha. The bad news is that one of my dad’s guys got his arm caught in the rigging when they were dropping a fiberglass pool into place. Broke it in two places.”

“Ow! Is he gonna be all right?”

“Yeah. But he had to have surgery. He’s gonna be out at least three months.”

“I’m getting the impression that I’m gonna be installing pools for a while,” Trevor said. “Does it matter that I don’t know a darned thing about it?”

“Nope. To be honest, what my dad needs is a guy with a strong body and the ability to follow orders.”

“I’m his man!” Trevor said, obviously delighted. “When do I start?”

“How about seven a.m.?”

“Great! I’m really excited, Clancy. And I can’t thank you enough for thinking of me. Where do I go?”

“They’re working in Altadena. Just south of the golf course. The house is on the corner of New York Avenue and Sierra Bonita.”

There was a slight pause, then Trevor said, “Got it. Give me your dad’s number so I can call and see if I should bring any tools or gear.”

“It’s 818-555-1908. His name’s John, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I’m good with names,” Trevor said. “Your mom is Margaret, and your grandmother is Eileen.”

“What’s our dog’s name?” she asked, laughing.

“Uhm … I don’t think you have a dog.”

“You are good,” she said.

“Thanks again, Clancy. And I’m gonna take you out to dinner as a finder’s fee.”

“It’s a deal. Hey, don’t you wanna know how much you’ll be making?”

He laughed. “More than I’m making sitting on my ass.”

“No, really, don’t you want to know?”

“Huh-unh. I wanna be surprised when I get my first paycheck. Kinda like Christmas.”

 She laughed, charmed by how like his mother Trevor was. “Okay. Well, I hope you have a merry Christmas, and I’ll be waiting for that dinner.”

“Depending on how much I make, it’ll be somewhere between the Ritz and In ‘n Out,” he joked.

“I’ve never been to the Ritz, but I love a good double-double,” she said. “So I’ll be happy wherever we go.”

“Thanks again, Clancy. It’s nice to have someone in the family who can get me a job where I can breathe fresh air.”

“And plaster dust,” she added.

He laughed, a little nervous about what he was getting into. “And plaster dust.”

***

Clancy called Abby the next afternoon. “Hi, I’m finished for the day. Do you need me to pick anything up on my way over?”

“Yeah. How about my son?”

“Your son, huh? You didn’t give the poor kid your car?”

“I played golf this morning, so I dropped him off. He looked so cute, Clancy, like a kid on his first day of school. I made lunch for him, and I nearly cried when he walked away from the car, his little lunchbox in his hand.”

“He didn’t have Harry Potter on his lunchbox, did he? ‘Cause the other guys might have beaten him with it.”

“No,” Abby said, laughing. “It was a nice, plain, maroon, nylon insulated thing.”

“I hope you made him a big lunch. I know he worked hard today. It was the first day on this job, and that’s always a lot of manual labor.”

“I made him three sandwiches and put in a couple of energy bars. That should hold him.”

“No candy?”

“No, but I can stop at the store and get some. I didn’t have time to prepare.”

“I’ll run by and get him. Need anything else?”

“No. I would go, but I’m making his favorite dish for dinner, and I can’t leave in the middle of it.”

“Okay. We’ll be home soon.”

“Give your dad a kiss for me,” Abby said.

“He can kiss my mom,” Clancy said, laughing.

***

Trevor was such a dirty mess that he didn’t even attempt to go into the house. He went into the back yard and stripped down to his boxer shorts and T-shirt, then ran into the house, heading straight for the shower.

“My God, what happened to my baby?” Abby cried.

“He spent the whole day loading and dumping wheelbarrows full of dirt,” Clancy said. “Or I guess I should say mud, since we’ve had so much rain lately. He’s gonna be sore tomorrow.”

“Oh, poor thing. He should sit in the spa for a while.”

“You read my mind,” Trevor said, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek. He had his swim trunks on and a towel over his shoulder. “I’m gonna soak until dinner.” He opened the refrigerator and took out a beer. “Want one, Clancy?”

“Sure.” She took the beer and clinked the neck of her bottle against Trevor’s. “Blue-collar champagne.”

He took a swig and let his head drop back. “Champagne never tasted this good.”

“Did you have a good day, honey?” Abby asked.

“Yeah. It felt great to accomplish something. And when I get in, I’ll tell you about the job. It’s gonna be fantastic!” With a wide, satisfied smile he went outside, both dogs dutifully following him.

Abby shrugged her shoulders. “Well, it’s not urban planning, but he seems happy.”

“Yard planning, urban planning — same difference,” Clancy said, sneaking a kiss.

***

Over dinner, Abby said, “Your birthday’s in just a couple of weeks, Clancy. Are you ready to start planning the party to end all parties?”

The blonde smiled at her. “You remembered.”

“Sure I remembered. It’s one of the first personal things you ever told me. Shouldn’t we start making up the guest list?”

Giving her a pleased smile, she asked, “Do you really wanna help?”

“Of course! I thought we’d have it here, since I have more room.”

Another happy, yet bemused smile settled on the landscaper’s face. “Are you serious?”

Abby reached over and took her hand. “Of course I’m serious. How often does my partner turn thirty? We’re gonna blow out all the stops!”

“Cool,” Clancy said, looking like a kid who’d been given an unexpected present. “How many people should we invite?”

“As many as you want. They just have to fit in the house or the yard.”

Clancy’s eyes lit up. “Cool … really cool.”

***

Much to Abby’s surprise, Clancy wanted to invite Hayley. She didn’t send invitations to her friends, preferring to invite everyone she ran into, but she bought some invitations for “the adults,” as she called them. So, Abby’s parents, Pam and Maria and Hayley all received proper invitations. A few days after they went out, Hayley called home, sounding chipper and unguarded. “Hi, Mom,” she said. “I’m calling to respond to the birthday party invite.”

“Are you coming?” Abby asked, caught off-guard.

“Yeah. I thought this would be a good time to bring Alexander down to meet everyone.”

“Well, this must be pretty serious if he’s ready to meet the family.”

Hayley’s voice grew thoughtful. “It is, Mom, and to be honest, it’s Alexander who really wants to come. He thinks it’s cool that you’re in love with a woman.”

“Cool, huh?” Abby asked, laughing softly.

“Yeah, he’s very evolved,” Hayley said dryly. “Typical Bay Area liberal.”

Abby laughed harder, thinking that her daughter, despite all of her liberal tendencies, might actually be a closet conservative. “We’d love to meet him, honey. Would you like me to arrange your flight?”

“No, we’re going to drive. Alexander wants to visit his brother while we’re there, so we’ll need a car.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. But I’m happy to pay for you both to come.”

“No, we’re fine, Mom. Uhm … but we need to talk about where we’ll stay.”

“Do you want to stay here?”

“Yeah.” The girl didn’t add another word, and Abby knew she was going to have to pull information out of her. But instead of doing that, she took Hayley at her word.

“Fine. Then we’ll expect you.”

“Uhm … I want to,” she said, “but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I assume Clancy’s there a lot.”

“Uh-huh,” Abby said, adding nothing more.

“We’re gonna stay at a hotel.”

“Really? Why not with Gramma and Gramps?”

“I don’t feel right staying there if we’re … you know … sharing a room. I don’t think Gramps would like it.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Abby agreed. “He still thinks of you as a girl, you know. He’s having a hard time recognizing that you’re a woman now.”

“How about you, Mom? How do you feel about my being a woman?”

Abby thought about it for a moment, then told her daughter the full truth. “There’s a part of me that would like to keep you my baby forever. To always be the mom and always know what’s best for you. But another part of me likes that you’re on your own and that I can put my needs first sometimes. I feel like I’m starting over again with Clancy, and that feels great.”

Hayley was quiet for a moment, then asked in a strangely flat tone. “I guess you’ll have kids together, huh?”

“Kids? No, honey, I’m not interested in having more kids, and Clancy claims she doesn’t want to give birth. We’re gonna wait to be grandparents. But don’t rush; we can wait.”

“You can wait for Trevor,” Hayley said, not a trace of humor in her voice. “I don’t want kids.”

“Really? You always talked about having a whole house full.”

“People change, Mom. As you get older, you realize that some things aren’t what you thought they’d be like. I don’t think I’d like being a mother.”

Knowing that Hayley would likely change her mind about the issue another dozen times, Abby wisely didn’t challenge her. “You’ll do what works for you, honey. As you said, people change over time. But with or without children, you can have a very rewarding life if you do something you love.”

“I hope I find something,” the girl said, sounding wistful and a little depressed.

“You will. Just listen to your heart. It always tells the truth.”

***

Later that day, Abby called her mother. “Hi. Guess who’s coming home for Clancy’s birthday?”

“Really? That’s quite a conciliatory move for our girl. She must be feeling better.”

“She didn’t sound much better. She’s seeing that young man she met in Maine, and he thinks it’s cool that I’m in a lesbian relationship. Hayley’s coming because he wants to.”

“Well, that should prove interesting. Are they staying with you?”

“No. That was her other news. They’re staying in a hotel. I thought you might want to prepare Dad so he doesn’t faint when he finds out.”

“Ooo … he’s not gonna like that,” Elizabeth said. “It was hard enough for him when you got serious about Will. I still think he believes you were a virgin on your wedding day.”

“Who says I wasn’t?” Abby asked, giggling.

“I have eyes, honey. You two couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Besides, Will was too practical a man to marry a woman he wasn’t sure he’d get along with sexually.”

“You make a good point,” Abby said. “We lucked out in that area. It was like we were made for each other.”

“I just hope Hayley’s as lucky as you were,” Elizabeth said. “She’s having such a tough time that I’d hate to see her have her heart broken.”

“I’d hate for that to happen, too, Mom, but the odds are good that she will. Very few people luck out on their first time in a serious relationship.”

“When your father finds out Hayley and Alexander are sleeping together, he might well put an end to the whole affair. I’d better make sure he doesn’t buy a weapon.”

“He’s gotta let go, Mom. I know it’s hard, but it’s the only way she’ll learn to make good decisions.”

“I did my job,” Elizabeth said. “Getting him to keep his mouth shut when you were with Will was hard enough. You’re gonna have to control him around Hayley.”

“Thanks a load, Mom,” Abby said, a soft laugh escaping.

“You’re welcome, dear. Now tell me how I can help with the party.”

***

The day before the party, the guest list had grown to just over a hundred, but Abby didn’t mind a bit.  She would have gladly hosted a party for all of Pasadena if it made Clancy happy, and it certainly did seem that her partner was enjoying the entire experience.

Clancy had a light day — just a client meeting in Monrovia and a trip to Pasadena city hall to check on a building permit she was waiting on.  She got to Abby’s home a little after 1:00, hoping to grab some lunch and then help with final preparations for the party. She was puzzled to see a truck in front of the garage labeled “Parsagian and Sons, Fine Carpets and Rugs.”

The garage door opened, and Abby started to walk two men to the truck, stopping to give Clancy a faux scowl.  “I don’t remember giving you permission to come over this early, sweetheart,” she said.

The men both gave Clancy a look, then shot another one at Abby, trying to figure out why the young woman would need permission to enter the house.  They looked at each other and rolled their eyes, having seen stranger things in the houses they visited.  “Thanks so much for your help,” Abby said, smiling at them.  “I’m very happy with it.”

“Any time,” the driver said, pulling away.

Clancy tucked an arm around Abby’s waist and said, “So, now I need permission to come home?  What happened to the woman who used to count the hours until I was back in her arms again?”

“She’s right here,” Abby said.  “I just have some things I’m working on that are … private.”

“Private, huh?” Clancy asked, as two black and white fireballs launched themselves at her.  Athena jumped so high that she landed in Clancy’s arms — and at fifty pounds it was all the muscular landscaper could do to keep her feet.  “Good Lord!”

“They missed you,” Abby said.  “You don’t normally come over this early, and they’re quite excited about it.”

“I should say so!”

When they entered the kitchen, Abby said, “Now you’ve got to make a decision.  Your present is ready, but your birthday isn’t until tomorrow. Do you want it now, or should I make you wait?”

Clancy fought her way past the giddy dogs and wrapped Abby in a tight hug, pressing her back against the counter.  “Oh, you’re not that cruel,” she said.  “Only an evil woman would tease me that way.”

Smiling seductively, Abby purred, “Maybe you could make it worth my while …”

“How would I do that?” Clancy asked, kissing along Abby’s jaw.

“Well, there’s a part of your present that could … potentially … involve lying next to each other. And … clothing would be optional.”

“Optional? No such thing. If you don’t have to have clothes on, I want you naked.”

“Hmm … good answer. I guess that would be some compensation for letting you peek a day early.”  She took Clancy’s hand and said, “But you’d better not disappoint me.”

Impulsively, Clancy wrapped a strong arm around Abby’s waist and dipped her, leaning over her to kiss her enthusiastically.  “Have I ever?”

“Never,” Abby sighed.  “And I doubt that you ever will.”

“Then we’re in agreement.” Grinning rakishly, she settled Abby on her feet and asked, “I don’t have any idea of what this present it, but I’m ready for it. Shall we?”

Abby grabbed a cloth napkin from the counter and twirled it until it was narrow and long. She placed it over Clancy’s eyes, and the blonde started to purr. “The last time I had on one of these, I had a very, very nice morning. Let’s rock.”

“This isn’t necessarily the same thing,” Abby said. “But it could be.”

“I’m stumped,” Clancy said.

“Then let’s get going.” She stood in front of her partner with her back to her and put Clancy’s hands on her waist. “Follow me, but be careful not to trip.”

“Trip. Where are we going that I’d trip?” the landscaper asked. They walked through the kitchen, then started to climb the stairs. “Smells like paint,” Clancy said.

“Yeah. There’s paint involved.” Finally, they reached Abby’s bedroom, their furry escorts well-behaved, seeming to know that Clancy couldn’t avoid tripping over them. Abby removed the blindfold and said, “Surprise!”

Clancy blinked her eyes to find an enormous red ribbon that Abby had wrapped around the door, a big bow right in the center.  “It’s a … room!”

“Ready?” Abby asked, her excitement at the level of a four-year-old on Christmas morning.

“I’m always ready,” Clancy reminded her playfully.  Abby flung the door open and Clancy took one step inside before she was struck mute.  Her eyes were remarkably wide as they slowly shifted across the space, and she finally regained her ability to speak.  “Holy crap!”

“Do you like it?”  Abby was practically jumping up and down, but Clancy could only nod vacantly, still too stunned to speak in complete sentences.

“How … where … is … Jesus,” she muttered, still staring open-mouthed.  “What is it?”

“It’s our new guest room and office!”

Clancy turned and stared at her, her mouth open wide enough to indicate a serious sinus problem. “Our?” she managed to get out.

The brunette grabbed her hand and jumped up and down a few times. “Yes! Ours! This is our guest room and our office!”

Clancy was so overwhelmed by the implications of that sentence that her practical mind took over. “There’s no bed.  Won’t people mind sleeping on a drafting table?”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” she scoffed.  “Don’t worry, it’s a guest room.  But before we get to that, I have to know what you think about the feel of the room. Will you be able to work here?”

“I think this is the most beautiful space I’ve ever been in,” she said with utter sincerity. “But I don’t know why it’s mine … or ours … or whatever.”

Abby took her hands and pressed them against her heart. “For your birthday, I wanted to give you an office where you could have lots of space and storage for all of your things. I’ve seen how you’ve got your drawing supplies all over your apartment, and you don’t have any place to leave your work undisturbed. So … here it is!” They both looked into the room, Clancy still not able to get her bearings. “But that means you have to move in with me. Are you ready?”

“Hell, yes, I’m ready. But Trevor isn’t.”

“Now that he has a job, he is. He’s ready to move out as soon as you move in.”

“You’re shitting me,” Clancy said, stunned.

“Nope. I’m totally serious. “Actually half of your things are already here. Michael gave me the key to your apartment, and I had a moving company box up all of your drawing and drafting supplies this morning. Believe me, getting all of your stuff out of there and in here was no mean feat!”

“You did this all for me?” Clancy asked, amazed and dumbfounded.

“I’d do this for you twice a day if it would make you happy,” Abby said. “Trevor’s saved enough to move out, but he won’t have a car. So I’m going to buy him a car or a small truck as a graduation present. He’s set.” She put her arms around Clancy and held her close. “And so are we.”

Holding on for a long while, Clancy started to let everything sink in. “I can’t believe this,” she murmured, her warm breath caressing Abby’s neck. “I can’t believe how much work you went to for me.”

“For us,” Abby said.

“You did this for me,” Clancy insisted. “You could have done this years ago if you wanted an upstairs office. But you did this for me – so I’d feel like this was my home, too. You knew I’d never feel right sleeping in your old room.” Tears formed in her eyes, and she rubbed her face against Abby’s shoulder, a little embarrassed to show her how touched she was. “No one has ever loved me like this. And I don’t mean the amount of money you spent – even though it had to have been a shitload!”

“Charming expression,” Abby said, pinching her on the waist. “I don’t know how you made it to thirty without dozens of women falling for you, but I’m glad I’m the first to ever make you feel really loved.”

Clancy looked into her eyes, showing how deeply touched she was. She looked so vulnerable that Abby started to kiss and touch her gently, trying to make her feel safe again. “Now look around and check the place out,” she said once she could tell her lover had her equilibrium back. Clancy walked over to the wall and touched the gorgeous wall covering, looking at Abby in amazement.  “This feels like dried grass.”

“It’s grass cloth,” she said.  “I wanted it to remind you of your job.”  The grass cloth was the color of spring shoots on a ficus, and it had a sheen that made it appear to be raw silk rather than the harsh feeling material that it really was.  It covered every unbroken wall surface, and Clancy noted that one formerly unbroken wall now contained two sets of painted drawers, spaced about six feet apart.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“Those are chests for the guests,” Abby explained.  She touched two panels that had been completely hidden by the expertly applied grass cloth, and two wide doors swung open.  Smiling at her partner, Abby grasped a handle and pulled down a beautiful, new, queen-sized bed.  On either side of the bed were hanging rods for clothes as well as the painted drawers that flanked the bed.

“Amazing,” Clancy murmured.  The wall-to-wall carpet had been taken out and replaced by a wide-planked maple floor, and in the middle of the room lay a dark, leaf-green carpet.  The border of the piece was, to Clancy’s amazement, a stunningly accurate representation of her ivy tattoo, the intricate pattern curling all around the border.  “Where did you ever find a carpet like this?”

“I had it made,” Abby said.  “It’s really quite simple now that carpets like this are made with computers.”  She grasped Clancy’s arm and pushed her sleeve up a little.  “Not bad, if I do say so myself.”

“Abby, I’m absolutely stunned,” the younger woman murmured.  “I’m truly speechless!”

“Do you like this space for your drawing table?”  The table was resting on far edge of the carpet, allowing Clancy’s tall chair to roll on the smooth, wooden floor.  It faced the center of the room with the big window behind it, securing plenty of natural light for the architect.  Under the window, Abby had installed a wide window seat, flanked by deep bookshelves, one side filled with all of Clancy’s books and magazines. “Michael helped by telling me what was important and what was just clutter,” she revealed when Clancy gave her another stunned look.  The other side was filled with Abby’s books, photos and family keepsakes, much as the room had been decorated when it was a bedroom.

Opposite Clancy’s desk was a small writing table that now was the home of Abby’s laptop, along with a comfortable, upholstered desk chair.  “I love being officemates,” Clancy said, looking up into Abby’s eyes.

“I’m very quiet, and I don’t chew gum or make any rude noises,” Abby promised.

“I’m just not sure how much work we’ll get done with that cushy looking bed right there,” Clancy said.

“Oh, the novelty will wear off … in ten years or so.”

There were a number of beautifully framed botanical prints located at intervals throughout the room, and Clancy spent a moment reflecting on each one.  “Damn, Abby, I’m just amazed at how much thought you put into this room.  This is a plant lover’s dream room.”

“It does have a very tranquil feeling, doesn’t it?” she asked.  “But since I love plants, too, it was certainly no sacrifice on my part.  This is the office I’ve always wanted.  Now it’s someplace for us to enjoy together.”

“I like the sound of that,” Clancy said.  “Everything is better when we do it together.”  She was tugging on Abby’s hand, a sexy grin on her face, drawing her inexorably closer to the new bed.  “There are a lot of things we do really, really well together,” she purred, her voice filled with promise.

Abby placed a hand on her cheek and whispered, “Don’t worry your pretty little head about that.  We’ll make that bed rock — as soon as you see the rest of your new room.”

“There’s more?” she asked blankly, her insistent libido hampering her ability to focus.

“Of course there’s more,” Abby said.  “Do you see any place for your supplies?”

“Uhm … no, but I’m sure as hell not gonna complain.  I’ll keep everything in shoe boxes and stack ‘em under my table.”

“All of them are in the closet,” Abby said.  “And you’re gonna be very impressed with the storage solutions Michael helped me think up.”

Abby was tugging her by the hand, but the landscaper didn’t move. “When do we have to pick Trevor up?”

Puzzled, Abby said, “Not until 5:00 at the earliest.” She looked towards the closet. “Don’t you wanna see the rest?”

“We don’t have time,” the blonde said. “We’re gonna have to rush as it is.” Clancy grinned when Abby looked at her watch, seeing that it was barely 1:45.

Trailing her finger down the placket of Clancy’s shirt, Abby gave her a sexy smile and asked, “Do you have … plans?”

“Sure do,” Clancy said. “We’re gonna christen that new bed.”

Abby draped her arms around her lover’s neck and leaned back, smiling at her. “Oh, are we?”

“Sure are.” Without warning, Clancy swept her up in her arms, walking towards the new bed, Abby giggling as they went. She gently deposited her partner, then started to remove her clothes, her fingers nearly a blur as she worked at the buttons on her shirt.

“Slow down, sweetheart. We’re not in a rush.” Abby reached up and grasped Clancy’s hands, stilling them.

“Maybe you’re not,” Clancy said, “but I’ve just discovered that huge presents make me hot.”

Abby wrapped her arms around Clancy’s waist, hugging her tight. “You’re so damned adorable.”

“And you’re so damned dressed.” Clancy wriggled out of the hug and started on Abby’s clothing, her brows knit together in concentration.

Stroking her tanned arm, Abby asked, “Are you really in a huge hurry?”

Clancy nodded, then slipped Abby’s shirt over her head. “I think I would have come over early even if I was busy. I’ve been thinking about you all day, and I’m ready to rock.”

Her pupils were dilated, and Abby could see them get a little bigger when Clancy slipped her callused hands around and unhooked Abby’s bra, cupping her breasts in her hands. “Mmm … just what I need,” she said.

“Honey, slow down, let me undress you.” Clancy looked down and saw that her shirt was half-unbuttoned, partially tucked into her pants, and that she was still wearing her boots.

She made a silly face and said, “I’m out of my mind. Just the thought of making love to you makes me crazy.”

“Stand still, sweetheart,” Abby said. She methodically undressed the younger woman, then stood up and took the rest of her own clothes off. Clancy was already lying on the new bed, looking like she’d been waiting for hours.

Abby settled in next to her, sliding across the crisp new sheets. “Now give me a nice, slow, sexy kiss,” she said, pulling Clancy close.

The architect tried her best, but the kiss was hungry, filled with need and a little rough. Abby felt like she was about to be eaten alive, and she tried to squirm away, only to have Clancy grasp both of her breasts and hang on tight.

Surprised, Abby broke the kiss. “Baby, I’ve been working on the room all day. I need a little romance. You’ve gotta give me a chance to catch up.”

Clancy fell back onto the bed. “Shit! I’m sorry,” she said. “I was fantasizing about you the whole way home, and I’m about to burst.” She shook her head roughly. “I’ll try to calm down and take it easy.”

“No, no, I think we can work this out. Hmm … what can we do to satisfy you?”  Tapping her lip with a finger, she mulled over the question for a moment, then her eyes lit up as she said, “I know.”  She snuggled closer and whispered into Clancy’s ear, “Since you can’t wait another second — why don’t you start, and I’ll watch? Then I can jump in when I’m ready.”

Gray eyes shifted to meet Abby’s, seeing the playful grin and interested expression.  “Would you like that?” she drawled sexily.

Abby’s head nodded slowly, her grin growing brighter.  “You’ve never shown me how you touch yourself.  I want to know.”  Her smile faltered just a bit as she added, “That won’t bother you, will it?”

“Heck, no,” Clancy said, laughing.  “One condition.  I’ll show you how I do it, but you have to come inside when I need it.  You get to all sorts of interesting spots that I can’t seem to reach.”

“You’re on,” Abby said, her eyes filled with interest.

Clancy tossed a few pillows against the headboard and scooted up against them.  Clearing her throat, she extended her hands and showily stretched her fingers, like a pianist warming up.  “Okay,” she began, “I’m gonna act like I’m starting from ground zero, even though I am most definitely not. But I want you to have the full experience of how I sweep myself off my feet.”

Laughing at her display, Abby rolled onto her stomach, resting her chin on her braced hands.  “This is fun.”

“I should hope so,” Clancy said.  “Sex has to be fun — even when you’re just entertaining yourself.”  She stretched one more time, fluffed her pillows until they were just so, then settled down and took a few deep breaths to center herself.  “I have to get into the right mood. Touching myself mood is different than being touched mood.”  She closed her eyes and let herself relax for a moment, trying to forget that Abby was watching her.  Quickly realizing that wasn’t going to work, Clancy decided to involve her partner by providing commentary.

Her eyes locked on Abby as she started to run her hands up and down her body, letting them lightly tickle across the expanse of pink and tanned flesh.  “I usually touch myself all over,” she said.  “Just to sensitize my skin.”

Even though the demonstration had only been going on for a few minutes, Abby could already feel the pulsing begin between her legs.  She shifted slightly, trying to put a little pressure on her vulva, finally settling on just pressing her thighs together firmly.

Clancy didn’t touch herself perfunctorily.  Her hands continued to roam for many minutes, loving herself thoroughly, her eyes half-closed in pleasure.  Abby’s eyes were locked on her darting hands, watching the muscles and tendons flex under her tanned skin.  “I always play with my breasts,” she said, laughing softly.  “No surprise there, huh?”  Her agile fingers found her nipples, tweaking the firm points playfully, then she slipped her index finger into the ring and gave it a few strong tugs, growling when the pleasure-filled pain hit her.  Then her hands cupped each breast in a surprisingly tender embrace, hefting them in her hands for a moment before she began to palpate the flesh.  A low purr slid from her lips, and Abby’s toes curled at the sound, the pounding between her legs growing stronger with each breath.

With one hand insistently tugging at her nipple, the other slid down her belly, her smile growing sexier with each inch of her journey.  Her fingers lightly brushed against her curls, her hips swaying in tandem with her hand.  Suddenly, her fingers stilled, and she removed her hand from her breast and flung her arm up.  Panting lightly, forearm draped languidly over her head, she gazed at Abby with a smolderingly hot look and whispered, “It makes me so hot to touch myself with you watching.  I can feel how much you want to touch me, and knowing that you’re struggling against the urge just makes it hotter.”

Abby didn’t — couldn’t — say a word.  She wanted to touch her partner so badly that she could taste it — could taste her — but she controlled herself, partly because it turned Clancy on to watch her resist.  The thrumming between her legs had grown to a pounding need, and all she could do to satisfy it was rub her thighs together.

Seeing her partner struggle was driving Clancy’s arousal, and she mercilessly tried to drive Abby to distraction.  She lifted one leg, her heady scent wafting up to make Abby’s mouth water.  Lightly, she began running just the tips of her fingers along the back of her thigh, occasionally tickling just the edge of her dewy curls.  “This is my favorite time,” she murmured throatily.  “Just before I slip my fingers into my wetness.”  Licking her lips, she once again met Abby’s gaze and said, “I know it’s gonna be great.  It’s gonna feel so damned hot … but I wait as long as I can stand it — just to make it last.”  Locking eyes, she pressed her fingers hard against the outside of her lips, starting at the crease of her thigh and working inward.  “I’ve got to have some pressure against my clit, but I don’t want to actually touch it yet.  This helps take the edge off,” she rasped, her voice sexy and raw.

Abby had no idea where her lover got the discipline to torture herself in this way — but she knew that she didn’t have the same ability.  Unable to hold off for another second, her hand slipped between her own legs, and she gasped as her fingers first touched the swollen folds.  “Oh, yes,” she hissed.

Clancy blinked at her, surprised that Abby succumbed so easily, but more than willing to help her get where she needed to go.  Since her teasing had gotten Abby this far, she decided to push her a little more.  “Watch,” she demanded, allowing her questing fingers to find their mark, growling softly as they nearly slipped from her abundant wetness.  Abby groaned deeply as she watched Clancy’s fingers gather and spread her moisture all around the bright pink flesh, her own hand frantically working at her thrumming need.

Taking her fingers from herself with a regret-filled sigh, Clancy rolled onto her side and slid the slickly-coated digits right into Abby, going in deep and stretching her to her capacity.  Abby’s free arm wrapped around Clancy’s shoulders and pulled her in tight, their lips meeting in a searing kiss, while she moaned insensibly.  As soon as Clancy’s fingers began to twitch inside of her, a powerful climax washed over her, her inner walls clamping down so hard on Clancy’s fingers that she nearly cried out in pain.  But soon the flesh began to pulse, and the contractions lessened with each beat until Clancy’s fingers were gently expelled.

She gathered Abby into her arms and teased, “For a church-going woman, you sure do give into temptation easily.”

“Easily!”  Abby’s voice was weak, but even in her debilitated state she could summon up some amount of outrage.  “You were torturing me!”

“That was the point,” Clancy said, chuckling softly.  “Where’s the fun in it if I don’t torture you?”

She held Abby in her arms, rocking her gently until she was mostly recovered.  With some difficulty, the still-shaking woman sat up, then pressed Clancy onto her back and hovered over her.  “It’s your turn to torture yourself, now.  Ready?”

“I think it’s a safe bet that I’m ready,” Clancy said.  “I was ready an hour ago.”

“Come on,” Abby said, “we’ve got a deal here.”

Never one to go back on her word, Clancy leaned back against her pillows and slipped her fingers between her lips.  “Ooo … I didn’t know it was possible to be this wet.”

Unable to keep her hands to herself, Abby slipped a finger into her, just barely entering the incredibly slick orifice. “Remarkable,” she breathed.  “Simply remarkable.”

“Uhm-hmm,” Clancy agreed, her fingers starting to pick up the pace.  Sliding down for a better view, Abby rested her head on a muscular thigh and settled down to see the show.  In minutes, she was throbbing again, but this time she was able to resist her growing need — content to watch Clancy give herself pleasure.

The blonde was clearly enjoying herself, letting her pace pick up until her breathing grew erratic — then backing off until she was barely brushing the edge of her brown curls.  She indulged herself lavishly, letting her body work itself up to a fever pitch — only to soothe it gently again and again. As Clancy once again started to climb the slope, she grasped Abby’s hand and guided her fingers inside, purring sexily when they hit their mark.  “That’s it,” she panted, her legs spreading even wider.  “Nice and steady, baby.  Just … like … that,” she moaned roughly, her fingers a blur as she felt the first signs of her building climax.  She consciously lightened her touch, barely brushing the flats of her fingers over her tender flesh, the motion looking like someone stroking a skittish cat’s back. Her teeth latched onto Abby’s shoulder, somehow managing not to break the skin as the contractions raced through her body, finally rendering her completely spent and gasping for air.  Suddenly, Abby’s warm, wet mouth was everywhere, kissing her insistently, finally landing on her mouth as their breathing rapidly fell into synch.  Clancy slid her hands across Abby’s cheeks, cradling her head in her hands.  Lifting her head just enough to be able to look into her eyes, she continued to kiss her lightly, covering her entire face with the gentle touches.  Smiling up at her, Clancy murmured, “I have to be honest.  It’s not that good when I’m alone.”

Abby kissed the curled up edges of her mouth and chuckled, “You’d be the last person in the world who needed a girlfriend if it were.”  She continued to drop soft kisses all across Clancy’s face and neck, completely unable to stop touching and tasting her.

Clancy purred softly from the sensation of the warm, wet lips that moved across her body.  She rolled over slowly, giving Abby new territory to claim, feeling like she was riding on a sensual cloud.  “You’re gonna have to stop that in the next month or two,” she murmured.

“Mmm-mmm.”  Abby’s head shook slowly, her soft hair brushing against Clancy’s tender skin.  “Tastes too good.”

Clancy rolled over, letting Abby reach the sensitive skin around her waist.  “It feels so good to be loved by you,” she sighed.  “I’m thoroughly addicted.”

“No desire to kick the habit?” Abby asked softly, her lips still skimming across Clancy’s sated body.

“None whatsoever.”  Clancy shifted under her and wrapped her arms around her waist, tugging Abby fully atop her body.  “You’re a very healthy addiction.” She paused for a minute, then smiled brightly. “Not just healthy. Life giving.”

***

At 4:30 they walked down the hall, showered and dressed once again. When they reached the guest room, Clancy poked her head inside, seeing the furniture that had formally been in the master bedroom.  “Go on in,” Abby said. “This is our new room.” Clancy took her hand, looking around. All of Abby’s things were in the closet, and she pointed out a dresser that was tucked away in a corner.  “I thought we could put your shorts, socks and underwear in there. I’ve ordered an armoire that’ll look great with the rest of the furniture,” Abby added.  “That’ll be for your hanging clothes.”

“Are you really okay with this?” Clancy asked.  “Is it gonna be hard to sleep in your old bed?”

Abby smiled at her concern and said, “I had them switch out the mattresses.  This is the one we’ve been sleeping on.”  She pasted on a wan smile and admitted, “That would have been too much.”

Clancy walked around the room and noted that Abby had not brought in any of the pictures of Will and the family. “Why’d you put all of the photos away?”

“Will’s never far from my thoughts,” Abby said softly.  “I just don’t want to be making love with you with pictures of my husband and kids in view.  I know it’s a little odd, but it feels like they’re watching us,” she said, her cheeks coloring.

Clancy hugged her tenderly, stroking her back in sympathy.  “I understand that.  I guess I just want there to be a place where you keep family memories.”

“There are plenty of them in the office, and I put some of them in the kids’ rooms.  I’m not going to hide them away, Clancy.  Don’t worry about that.”

“Okay,” she murmured.  “I just want to make sure you know that it won’t bother me to have them up.  I like seeing pictures of your family.  It reminds me of what a loving, devoted partner you are.”

“I’m devoted to you now,” Abby said.  “Eternally.”

***

Part Twenty-nine

On Saturday morning, everyone was busy with preparation for the party. The doorbell rang, and Abby went to answer it, stunned to see Hayley standing there with a tall, handsome young man.

“Hi!” the girl said, perky and smiling. “I thought I should ring the bell since I brought a guest.”

Abby hugged her, giving her a good squeeze. “You don’t ever have to ring the bell, honey. This is your home.”

When Hayley pulled away, she put her arm around the young man’s waist. “Alexander Brighton, this is my mom, Abby.”

“Very pleased to meet you, Alexander. Hayley’s spoken so glowingly about you.”

He gave her a boyish grin and extended his hand. “I’m very glad to meet you, Mrs. Graham. I feel a little stunned at seeing a future version of Hayley, but at least I know I have something to look forward to.”

Abby patted his shoulder and urged them inside. “Did Hayley say that you were a politician, Alexander? ‘Cause you’re a pretty glib fellow.”

“Not really,” he said. “I’ve been practicing. It’s important to me to make a good first impression.”

He looked utterly sincere, and she gave him a wide smile. “You already have. Just be yourself, and please call me Abby.”

“I’ll try, Abby,” he said, looking slightly more comfortable.

She led them into the kitchen, where Hayley spotted Trevor working outside. “Come meet my brother,” she said, dragging Alexander behind her.

Abby let them go alone, glad that she’d made that choice when the dogs nearly knocked Hayley to the ground. Clancy walked into the kitchen from the garage, asking, “What’s going on? I heard some …” She looked outside and said, “Ahh, the prodigal daughter returns. Should I go say hello or wait a bit?”

“Actually, I was just going to ask you to go to the liquor store. The kegs are ready and the store doesn’t deliver, so you’ll need the truck. Do you need Trevor to go with you?”

“Nah. It doesn’t come naturally, but I can look helpless when I have to. I’ll let the guys at the store load it all up.”

“I think I’ll ask Alexander to help Trevor. That’ll give me a little time alone with Hayley. I’d like to make sure she’s gonna do her best to be on her good behavior this weekend.”

“No argument,” Clancy said. “I’ll be back in a while.”

“Not before you kiss me goodbye,” Abby said. She wrapped her arms around her partner and gave her a tender, lingering kiss.

Clancy stayed pressed against her, uttering a soft growl. “You always give me something to think about while I’m gone. Too bad we won’t have time today.”

“The birthday girl always gets her wish,” Abby said. “It might be late, but you won’t go to bed without as much love as you can handle.”

“Like I said, you always give me something to think about.” Clancy kissed her one more time, then took off on her errand.

Abby went to the door and called out, “Hayley, would you come in and help me for a while?”

The young woman jogged over to her mother. “Sure. What do you need?”

“We’re gonna be swamped all day, and I thought we could spend a little while talking while I iced Clancy’s cake. If he doesn’t mind, Alexander can help Trevor get the outdoor tables set up.”

“Oh, he doesn’t mind. We came early so we could help.” She turned around. “Alexander, will you help Trevor? I wanna spend a little time with my mom.”

“Sure. No problem,” he said, waving.

Hayley went inside and sat down on a stool. “So … what do you think?”

Abby looked outside, spending a moment looking at Hayley’s boyfriend. “Well, he’s certainly good-looking enough,” she said, laughing. “And you look good together, like you’re comfortable with each other.”

“We are,” Hayley said. “He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, too. He’s really close to his family, and he cares a lot about other people.” She looked at her mother and said, “Kinda like you.”

“What a lovely compliment,” Abby said. “I haven’t had time to form a valid opinion about Alexander, but I trust you to pick someone good. I know you wouldn’t waste your time with a jerk.”

“Thanks,” the girl said, smiling. “Oh!” She jumped off her chair. “I told Alex that I’d show him one of our family albums.” She was racing up the stairs before Abby could say a word to stop her. “Are they still in your bedroom?”

Abby heard the footsteps stop abruptly, then felt her heart start to race.  Feeling sick to her stomach, she ran right up after her daughter, finding the girl standing in the doorway of the new office, a look of shocked outrage contorting her features.  “Why don’t you just fucking move!” she shouted when her mother approached.  “You can get rid of everything that reminds you of him!”  She pushed past Abby and ran to her room, slamming the door so hard that the whole house seemed to vibrate.

Abby went after her, breathing out a silent prayer of thanks that the doors needed a key to lock them — and that the keys had been missing for years.  A frighteningly loud crash rang out from Hayley’s room, then another, and Abby burst through the door to find Hayley huddled on the floor in the corner, two family pictures smashed against the opposite wall.

Ignoring the lethal look the young woman gave her, Abby sank to the floor next to her and wrapped her in her arms, holding on tight even when Hayley slapped at her ineffectually.

“Let me go!” she yelled, her hysterical tears almost obscuring her words.  “Let me go!”

Abby would not, tightening her grip when Hayley tried to squirm away.  “I will not let you go,” she vowed.  “You’re my precious girl, and I’m not going to let you go until we have this out.”

“I’m not precious,” she sobbed.  “Clancy is!  She’s the only thing that’s precious to you anymore!”

“That’s not true. Clancy’s my partner, but she’s an adult and can take care of herself.  You’re still my girl.  You’ll always be my girl — always!”

“There is no always!” Hayley cried.  “You said you’d always love Daddy and you don’t!  You’ve thrown him away, just like you’re throwing me away!”

“Hayley!  I am not throwing your daddy away!  I love him as much today as I did when he was alive.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him – or cry for him.”  She hooked her gold necklace with a finger and tugged it from her sweater.  “I wear his wedding ring just so I have a little piece of him with me.  He’s a part of me, baby, and no matter how much I love Clancy, he always will be.”

“You don’t wear yours,” she said, looking at Abby’s bare ring finger.

“I tucked my ring into his hand on the day we buried him,” she said quietly.  “I needed him to have it with him forever — just like I’ll always have his.  Didn’t you know that?”

“No,” she sobbed.  “You didn’t tell me that.”

“I was in such a state of shock, I don’t know how I got through those first weeks, but I thought I’d told you that.”

Hayley looked at her for a moment, then her expression hardened. “I’m surprised Clancy lets you wear his ring. She looks like the type who’d wanna protect her territory.”

“That’s a ridiculous thing to say,” Abby said. “You don’t know her well at all.”

“I can still have an opinion,” she grumbled.

“Of course you can,” Abby said. “I’m just telling you you’re wrong. Clancy doesn’t tell me what to do. That’s not the kind of woman she is. We have an equal partnership.”

The girl was quiet for a while, but Abby could feel the tension running through her body. “Daddy was always in charge,” she finally said. “I knew he could handle anything. I was never afraid of anything when he was home.”

“I wasn’t either,” Abby said, choking up while she thought of how secure and safe the world had seemed while Will was alive.

The young woman looked at her mother for just a moment before the floodgates opened once again.  “I want him back!” she cried piteously.  “I want my daddy back!” She was crying so hard that Abby was sure she was going to be sick, but she kept her arms tight around her shaking body, providing as much comfort as she could. “I want him back, too,” Abby whispered.  “I’d give anything to have him back.”

“That’s not true!” the young woman cried.  “You can go be a lesbian now that he’s gone.  You probably would have left him — left us — for Clancy or some other woman!”

Abby gripped her shoulders and held her tight, keeping her face just inches from her own.  “That’s not true,” she said evenly.  “I would never — ever — have left your father.  I loved him with all of my heart. We were very happily married.  I would never have known about my ability to love a woman, and that would have been just fine with me.  I love Clancy, baby, but I wish to God I had never had the opportunity to fall in love with her.  I wish your daddy were downstairs right now, waiting for us to make the icing so he could keep sticking his finger in the bowl to test it.”

The younger woman’s crying slowed noticeably, and she opened her eyes wide and looked at her mother.  “How can you still love him and love her too?”

“It’s easy,” Abby said, a ghost of a smile on her lips.  “It’s just as easy as it was for your daddy and me to welcome Trevor and you into our family.  I didn’t love your dad any less when we had Trev, and I didn’t love Trevor any less when we had you.  I love you and Trevor equally.  There’s plenty of room in my heart for both of you, and for Daddy and for Clancy.”

Her tears ebbing, Hayley’s sad, resigned voice said, “It will never be the same.  It will never be just us again.”

Abby pressed her tightly against her chest and nodded her head.  “You’re right. It’ll never be the same.  Families change and ours is changing now, just like it’ll change when you and Trevor find someone you love and when you have children.”

“I’m not going to have children,” she said once again.

“That doesn’t matter,” Abby said. “You’ll still find someone to love … maybe Alexander.”

Immediately becoming guarded and defensive, Hayley snapped, “I don’t love him!”

Surprised by the strength of her denial, Abby said, “You don’t have to love him, honey. I just assumed that you were … close.”

“We are,” she said. “We’re just as close as I want to be.”

There was something about the way she said that that made Abby suspicious. “What do you mean by that? Is there something about Alexander that bothers you?”

“Yes!” Hayley said, speaking before she could censor herself. “He always wants more! He wants to spend more time together, see me more often, have more sex than I want to. He’s been driving me crazy!”

Puzzled, Abby asked, “Then why are you still seeing him?”

Hayley dropped her head back, letting it bang against the wall. “Because I like him so much,” she moaned. “He’s exactly the kind of guy I’ve always wanted to meet.”

“Hold on,” Abby said, stretching her legs out to get comfortable. “You’re not making sense. He drives you crazy, but he’s just what you think you want?”

She ran her hands through her hair in an exasperated gesture. “Yes! We’re close,” she said. “We’re plenty close. Why can’t he be happy with that?”

“Honey, if he’s pushing you to do things you’re not ready for –“

“Not like that,” Hayley said dismissively. She sighed heavily. “He says he loves me, and he wants to make love. Not just have sex.”

Abby was stumped, and her expression reflected her puzzlement.

“He wants to have intercourse,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I don’t see why it isn’t enough just to get off, but he wants more.”

“Oh! I thought … I assumed …”

“Yeah, that’s what everyone assumes,” Hayley said. “But I don’t want to be that close.”

“Why?” Abby asked. “Why don’t you want to be more intimate with him?”

“Because I’ll fall in love with him!” she spat out, “And I don’t want to!”

“Hayley, you’re not making sense. What’s so bad about falling in love?”

“You can’t understand,” the girl said. “You’re the type who can get over someone. I can’t! It’s been over five years since Daddy died, and I miss him as much today as I did when I lost him! If I lose Alexander …” She started to cry, curling up in a ball just like she did when she was small. “Shit, who am I kidding? I am in love with him! I just knew this was gonna happen!”

“Hayley, falling in love isn’t something to worry about or fear! I promise you that! Yes, it’s a little frightening at first, but there aren’t many things on this earth that can match the feeling of being in love. Don’t try to close yourself off to it!”

“That’s easy for you to say,” she said. “You got over Daddy.”

“You know,” Abby said, calmly and evenly. “I’m sick of hearing you tell me what I feel. No one knows what’s in another person’s heart. Just because I’ve fallen in love again doesn’t mean that I didn’t love your father. He was my husband, and he was a terrific one. But I’ve let myself love again, just like he wanted me to.”

“I’m sorry,” Hayley said. “I know you hate it when I try to read your mind.”

“That’s all right. I know you’re frustrated, but I think part of what’s driving you crazy is that you seem to be confused about the different types of love there are. Your dad was the only father you’ll ever have. No matter what happens to you in life, you’ve lost the man who raised you, and you can’t replace him. The love you have for your parents is primal, baby. We were the people who gave you life, who protected you when you couldn’t protect yourself. The bond you have with us is unbreakable.”

“It feels broken,” Hayley said, crying softly. “I feel so lost without him.”

Feeling a deep wave of sympathy for her, Abby said, “I don’t think I can ever really understand what it’s like for you. I’m more than thirty years older than you were when you lost your dad, and I still have mine. It’s not fair that you lost him when you were so young. But you did, and trying to keep Alexander at a distance isn’t gonna bring your father back. Yes, losing someone you love is devastating, but you can go on. You have gone on. And if you’re in love with Alexander, you’ve got to let yourself enjoy it - celebrate it! It’s a gift that can’t be replaced, baby, and you can’t afford to shrug it off.”

Hayley looked up at her mother, her expression so childlike that Abby wanted to take her in her arms and hold her. She didn’t resist the impulse. Tucking her arms around her, she smiled when Hayley cuddled up even closer. The girl’s breath was warm on Abby’s neck, and she asked, “Do you really think it’s different?”

“What, honey?”

“How I feel about losing Daddy and how you feel?”

“Of course it is. I was a young woman when I met your father. I changed and grew with him, but he wasn’t the guiding force in my life; my parents were. Your father was a man I chose to love. But you carry half of his genes, Hayley. You have his ears and his hands and his laugh and his bad sense of direction and knobby knees.”

The girl laughed, and gave her mother a scowl. “I do not have knobby knees!”

“They’re adorable knees,” Abby said, “but they’re knobby!”

Hayley nuzzled her head against her mother’s neck. “I love you, Mom. I’m sorry I’m so impossible sometimes.”

Abby ran her hand through her daughter’s long, black hair. “You know that bond you have with your parents? Well, I have an amazingly strong bond with you. No matter how much you frustrate me at times, I love you with all my heart, and I wouldn’t trade you for any other daughter in the world.”

“I have a tough time believing that,” Hayley said. “I’m sure you wish Trevor had been twins.”

“Not true,” Abby insisted. “But you won’t believe me until you have children of your own. If you do, that is.”

“One step at a time, okay, Mom? I’ll never have the opportunity to have kids if I don’t ever have intercourse.”

“Good point,” Abby said. “I guess you were listening to our talks about sex.”

“It’s not funny,” Hayley said. “Do you think I should have sex with Alex?”

Abby held out a hand. “I will never, ever tell you whether or not to have sex with anyone, Hayley. You’re an adult, and you have to make those decisions for yourself. I will tell you one thing, though. If you have to ask someone else … that’s not a good sign.”

“I don’t have to ask anyone else when we’re together,” she said. “I want to be with him, and I want to love him. But I’m so afraid, Mom. I wanna know that it’s gonna work out before I fall in love with him.”

“God, wouldn’t that be nice,” Abby said wistfully. “But you have to risk to love, baby. It’s the only way.”

“Why does this have to be so hard?” Hayley asked. She leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder and sighed heavily.

“You’re making it harder than it has to be. You have to open yourself up and let your heart tell you what’s right.”

Hayley thought for a moment, then looked at her mother. “Is that what you did with Clancy?”

“Yes!” Abby said, laughing. “Do you think I would have fallen in love with her if I’d let my brain tell me what to do? Loving a younger woman wasn’t on my to-do list, honey. Clancy captured my heart, and I’m damned glad she did.”

“Are you really happy, Mom?”

“Yes. I am. I’m very, very happy. The only thing that would make me happier is if you could grow to accept Clancy into our family.”

“I don’t want another mother.” She made a face and added, “Especially one I wanted to sleep with.”

Abby chuckled softly and said, “Then you’re in luck, because Clancy doesn’t want to have a child.  Especially an eighteen-year-old. And she really does prefer older women.”  She kissed her daughter on the top of her head. “She’d like to be your friend.  That’s all.  She doesn’t ever want to interfere with our relationship.”

Hayley nodded and nuzzled her head against her mother’s body, letting her embrace soothe her.  “I’ll try harder,” she promised. “And, Mom? I’m really sorry I broke our pictures.”

“That’s all right.  We’ll just reframe them.  Don’t worry about it.”

“Let me clean up the mess,” Hayley said, struggling to get up.  “Then we can get started. What kind of cake did you make?”

“White cake. And she likes white icing, too.”

“Just like Daddy,” Hayley said, misting up again. She got to her feet and offered a hand to her mother. They went out into the hall and Hayley asked, “Is your furniture in the guest room now?”

“Yes. I wanted a new room to start my new relationship.”

The young woman nodded briefly, then wet her lips and said, “I wish it were the same.  But I guess what I really wish is that Daddy were still with us.  I know that’s impossible, so it makes sense that you want to change the room, Mom.  It’s just a little hard for me to see it.  I just … I just think of being little and going into your room on Sunday mornings to get in bed with you.  All four of us would snuggle together.  I felt so safe and happy then.”  A few hot tears escaped, and she wiped at them roughly. “Do you and Clancy sleep on the bed now?”

“No, we don’t. We never have. That’s where you and Trevor were both conceived. I couldn’t … I couldn’t share it with anyone else.” She ran her fingers through her daughter’s dark hair, then bent to kiss her forehead. “I had the mattresses sealed in plastic and put in the garage. I doubt that I’ll ever use them again — but I couldn’t bear to give them away.”

They held each other tightly, both crying for a few minutes.

“I hardly ever cry at school,” Hayley muttered.  “I just feel so emotional when I’m home.”

“I understand,” Abby said, hugging her close.  “I feel more emotional when you’re home, too.  It’s so close,” she whispered, “so close to how it used to be.”

Hayley nodded, her dark hair rubbing against Abby’s sweater.  “It doesn’t feel close for me anymore.  Having Clancy around changes everything.”

“I understand that, honey,” Abby sighed.  “I really do.”

The young woman looked up at her mother with watery blue eyes and asked, “It doesn’t make you mad when I say things like that, does it?”

Abby’s head shook decisively.  “Not at all.  I want you to tell me how you feel.  It’s the only way we’ll get through this.”

“Okay,” she murmured.  “I promise I’ll try.”  She kissed her mother on the cheek and said, “I love you, Mom.  I want you to be happy — so I promise I’ll try.”

“Thank you, Hayley,” Abby whispered, squeezing her tight.  “That’s all I ask.”

***

Hayley was inside, cleaning up the shards of glass from the picture frames when Abby went outside to see Clancy chatting with Alexander. The young man was listening to the landscaper talk about the yard and the changes they’d made. “Hi,” Abby said, putting her hand on Clancy’s back. “How’s everything going?”

“Great,” Alexander said. “We got the tables set up, and Trevor just left to pick up the gas-powered heat lamps. I think we might need them tonight. It feels like it’s getting a little colder.”

“I wanted to thank you for convincing Hayley to come home this weekend, Alexander. I have a feeling you pushed her a bit.”

He smiled. “Just a little.” He paused for a moment, then said, “I don’t understand her sometimes, but I guess that’s normal in the beginning of a relationship. I just think she needs to be close to her family – especially when things are changing. She needs a lot of support right now, and the best place to get it is here.”

“I can see why she likes you,” Abby said. “You seem to know her pretty well.”

“Not nearly as well as I’d like,” he said, flashing a smile that was both playful and sincere.

***

Clancy, Trevor and Alexander had the kegs set up and had filled and tested the space heaters by four o’clock. It was getting a little chilly, but was still warm enough to be outside. Clancy went in to get a sweatshirt, stopping to place a kiss on Abby’s neck. “Ooh! Cold lips! Has the temperature dropped that much?”

“No, it’s not too bad. I was sitting with the kids, and the wind has picked up a little.”

“You and the kids, huh?” Abby asked. “What are you young folks doing?”

“Just talking. Alexander and Trevor have a lot in common. It’s fun listening to them talk about their plans for saving the world.” She popped a cherry tomato into her mouth and twitched her head at the platters of vegetables Abby was preparing. “Can I help?”

“No, I’d rather you spent some time with the kids. How’s Hayley?”

“Fine,” Clancy said. “She’s not talking much, but I think that’s because Alex and Trevor are going on about some of the projects they’ve worked on. Why?”

“Oh, we had a long talk and I thought she might still be upset.”

“No, she’s just quiet.” Clancy reached around her lover and took a few carrot sticks. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Mmm … maybe later. I’m not sure we got anywhere, but she was a little more open than usual.” She smiled at Clancy and shrugged her shoulders. “You can never tell with Hayley, though. Her emotions are like the tides. You need a chart to figure her out.”

“Well, I’ll try not to incite her. I really want to have a nice, calm party.”

“So do I, sweetheart. I wanna be the only person who gets under your skin tonight.”

***

At seven o’clock, the caterers were busily grilling chicken on the barbeque, the bartender was organizing his supplies, and Clancy was admiring her new clothes, another birthday gift from her partner.  “I absolutely love this sweater,” she said, looking at herself in their bedroom mirror.

“It loves you, too,” Abby chuckled, very pleased with how the cashmere V-necked sweater caressed Clancy’s womanly curves.  “Are you sure you don’t want to wear the turtleneck, too?”

“No way,” Clancy said.  “I get too hot to wear two sweaters.  I’ll wear that when we’re gonna be spending a lot of time outside, but not tonight.”  She brushed a fleck of lint off her new pleated khakis and said, “If I didn’t like these new pants so much, I’d wear the sweater with my shorts.  That’s my ideal winter outfit, you know.”

“I don’t doubt that a bit, you hot-blooded little thing.”  Abby kissed her gently and said, “It’s perfectly all right with me if you wear shorts.  You’re the birthday girl, and you get your way all day long.”

“I haven’t had my way with you yet,” she said, turning a wicked smile Abby’s way.

“Plenty of time.” Abby kissed her gently and said, “Promise.”

The doorbell rang and Clancy’s face lit up.  “Somebody’s here!”  Giggling like a child, she ran for the door, trotting down the stairs with Abby running right behind her, feeling as vigorous as she had when she was Clancy’s age.

***

Abby was amazed at the collection of friends that Clancy had amassed over the years —  a few from high school, many from college, still more from her years in the lesbian social scene in the San Gabriel Valley.  She had also invited at least a dozen people whom she worked with professionally, as well as her usual crew and their families.  It was a very eclectic crowd, but Abby was reveling in the energy that pulsed through the house.

From Abby’s side of the ledger, Pam, Maria, Alyssa and Abby’s parents were the only representatives, but she didn’t mind that she knew so few of the people filling her house.  These were Clancy’s friends, and she was bound and determined to get to know each and every one of them — either this night or in the future.

Luckily, the night was warm enough to allow a large number of guests to remain outside.  Clancy was a very capable hostess, meandering through the house and patio frequently to make sure they all were enjoying themselves.  On one trip across the patio, Julie, her ex, caught her eye, and Clancy approached her, a friendly smile on her face.  Abby was surprised that Clancy had wanted to invite her, but, as Clancy explained, she didn’t want to shun her — and since all of their other mutual friends were invited, it just seemed small-minded not to.

“Hi,” Clancy said.  “Having fun?”

“Yeah, I am.” She looked around at the beautiful home and said, “This is unbelievable, Clancy.  You’ve really got it goin’ on.”

“I’m happy, but it’s not because of what Abby has.”  She looked directly into Julie’s eyes and said, “It’s because of what we mean to each other.”

“Did I ever mean a lot to you?” Julie asked, her voice catching a little.

“Of course you did,” Clancy said.  “I enjoyed most of our time together, Julie.  But we never clicked like Abby and I do.”

“I clicked with you,” Julie corrected, tears forming in the corners of her dark eyes.

Clancy just nodded, thinking that was probably true.  “It has to go both ways,” she said quietly.  “It’s been over three years, Julie.  It’s time for you to let go of the fantasy and move on.”

“We’ll never get another chance, will we?” she asked, her lower lip quivering.

“No, we won’t,” Clancy said firmly.  “Abby and I are together permanently.  No doubt about it.”

“Doesn’t it bother you at all that she’s …” Julie hesitated, trying not to offend Clancy.

“Nothing about Abby bothers me,” Clancy said, saving Julie from having to finish her thought.  “Nothing,” she said again, gray eyes flashing.

“Hey, don’t get pissed,” Julie said. “You get mad so easily.”

“Only when someone really pisses me off,” Clancy said. “And the easiest way to do that is to criticize Abby.”

“I wasn’t criticizing,” Julie insisted. “I just wanted to know what it’s like to be with a … widow. I mean, it’s weird enough to turn a woman into a dyke, but to turn a widow … I don’t know …”

Clancy glared at her ex. “I didn’t turn Abby into anything. She is who she is. And I love her just like she is.”

“But don’t you worry about her going back to men? I mean, she was straight for what … forty or fifty years?”

Ignoring the implied question, Clancy answered the direct one. “You either trust someone or you don’t. Her history is only important because it shows me that she’s honest and faithful. If this doesn’t work out, it’s gonna be because of us … not her history.”

“I could never trust a straight woman,” Julie said, making a face.

“Then don’t sleep with one,” Clancy said curtly.

Julie blinked at her, seeing that she’d only managed to make Clancy angry. “I … I get the picture. I won’t call you anymore.” Giving her a wistful and slightly tentative look, Julie said, “It really feels like goodbye this time.”

“It is,” Clancy said. She realized how cold that sounded and tried to back off. “I’m happy with Abby, and we’re gonna be together for a long, long time.”

Julie looked at her, her longing for the blonde never having waned. “Will you … will you kiss me goodbye?”

“No. I, uhm … don’t feel comfortable doing that. You might not believe me, Julie, but I honestly did care for you. It’s just been over for a long while for me. I hope you find someone who cares for you like Abby and I care for each other. I truly do.”

Looking through the open French doors, Clancy scanned the crowd, her eyes landing on Abby no matter how many people surrounded her.  “I think she’s the most wonderful woman on earth.”  She caught Abby’s eye and inclined her head, and Abby excused herself from the conversation she was having.  Just watching her walk across the room made Clancy’s eyes light up, and when she reached her, Abby gave her a questioning smile.

“Did you want something?”

“Uh-huh.”  Clancy turned her head to find that Julie was no longer beside her.  “I needed you beside me.”

“My favorite place,” Abby said, putting her arm around Clancy’s shoulders.

“One more thing. I want to take you out to a nice, quiet corner and kiss you senseless.”

Abby laughed and said, “Well, we should stay inside and be good hostesses, but you know I can’t refuse a birthday wish.”  Taking Clancy by the hand, she led her across the yard to stand behind the mammoth live oak.  “Having a nice party?” she asked once her arms were wrapped around her lover.

“The nicest ever,” Clancy sighed.  “Of course, it would have been nice to split a cupcake, too. All that matters is that we’re together.”

“I’m having a marvelous time,” Abby said.  “I really do like your friends.”

“They’re a good group. I think they’re all a little stunned by your house, but they’ll get over it eventually.”  From their position they could see the dozen or so guests standing and sitting close to the space heaters.

“Our house,” Abby said. “And we should get back in. But first I want those kisses you promised. I need my fix!”

***

Abby spent a long time tucked in a quiet corner of the living room, speaking with John, Margaret and Eileen.  Clancy had been looking for her, and when she spied her, she went over and perched on the arm of Abby’s chair, draping an arm around her shoulders.  “Nice party, huh?” she asked, wrinkling her nose at her parents.

“A far sight better than your usual birthday party,” John joked.  “I never thought I’d see the day when my little girl graduated from her keg of beer and bowl of potato chips days.”

“I turned thirty,” she reminded him.  “That’s the dividing line between keggers and serious parties.”

Eileen patted Abby’s leg and said, “This here’s the dividing line, and you know it, Bitsy.  Abby’s gonna make an adult out of you yet.  She’s even got you in long pants!”

Clancy nodded and started to agree, but Abby interrupted to say, “I think the key for us is to meet in the middle.  I could use a little loosening up, and Clancy could use a little … just a little, mind you … formalizing.”

“Isn’t she sweet?” Clancy sighed, giving Abby her best lovesick look.

“You both are,” Eileen said, patting them both.  “You’re damned lucky to have found one another.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Clancy said, clinking her beer bottle against Abby’s wine glass.

***

The patio eventually became the dance floor, and when one of Clancy’s favorite songs came on, she signaled to Abby, who joined her at the door.  “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” she said quietly, “but I’d really love to dance with you.  Do you think that would be okay?”

Through prior agreement, they had decided to try to keep their physical affection to a minimum when the kids were around, but Abby quickly reassured her partner.  “Of course,” she said.  “I just wanted both of us to be conscious of how intimately we touched each other.  We have a tendency to forget we’re around company.  Dancing is perfectly acceptable.”  She leaned over and whispered into Clancy’s ear, “Just try to keep your hands around my waist.  They tend to stray a little low.”

“Don’t blame me,” Clancy said.  “You’re the one with the perfect ass.  I truly can’t help myself.”

“I’ll remind you if you get too frisky,” Abby said, taking Clancy’s hand to lead her outdoors.

The dance floor was crowded, and Clancy noticed that Alexander and Hayley were sitting outside.  She felt a little uncomfortable dancing in front of the girl, but she reasoned that a slow exposure to their physical affection was probably the right way to go.  Reminding herself to keep her hands around Abby’s waist, she wrapped her in her arms and held her close, their bodies gently swaying to the music.  “Now my birthday is complete,” Clancy sighed heavily, her warm breath sending a shiver up Abby’s spine when it tickled against her neck.

“Oh, no, it’s not,” Abby said.  “We have plenty of games to play once we get rid of all of these people.”

“Ooh, like pin the tail on the donkey?” Clancy asked, grinning up at her lover impishly.

“Something like that,” Abby said.  “It does involve blindfolds and groping in the dark and …”

“Shh!” Clancy whispered.  “Hayley might hear you!”

“That’s a laugh,” Abby said.  “She’s giving Alexander the same kind of look I give you.  She wouldn’t notice if we were groping each other right now.”

Pressing Abby closer, she whispered, “It turns me on so much to dance with you.  It feels like we’re making love standing up.”

“That can be fun,” Abby said, chuckling softly.  “Tiring, but fun.”

“I’ll put that on my to-do list,” Clancy said, then reminded herself that she was trying to keep it clean.  “Just holding you makes me think sexy thoughts.  How do you do it?”

“Magic,” Abby whispered, placing a delicate kiss on her ear.

“Mmm … we’ve got to get rid of these people.  Can you set off the smoke alarms or something?”

“It’s your birthday,” Abby said.  “Say the word and I’ll send ‘em packing.”

Clancy didn’t doubt her one bit, but she decided that they should stay on the polite path.  “I can hold out.  They’ll leave soon enough.”

“I don’t know about that,” Abby said, “but I agree that they’ll leave eventually.  Maybe we should close the bar.”

“You are getting to know my friends,” Clancy said, laughing heartily.  “You’ve discovered the key to their collective happiness — an open bar.”

***

An hour later, Clancy wandered through the still-filled house, looking for her partner. Figuring she must be upstairs showing off the new office, she went outside, taking a break from the noise and heat. She’d been outdoors for just a few minutes when Hayley joined her, sitting in a chair facing Clancy’s.  “Did Mom tell you about our talk?”

“Yeah, she told me that you’d talked, and that you’d promised to try harder to accept us as a couple.”

The girl looked suspicious. “She didn’t tell you about my meltdown?”

Surprised, Clancy blinked, then a scowl settled on her face. “No, why? You didn’t hurt her, did you?”

“No! I just … I just assumed she told you everything,” Hayley said.

“No, she doesn’t. She keeps your confidences. The only time she tells me private things is when she needs advice. Other than that, it’s none of my business.”

“Oh. Well, I didn’t know how you two handled things,” she said.

Clancy looked at her for a moment, making the younger woman squirm a little under her stare. “You don’t know anything about us. But that was your choice. We could have all worked through our issues this summer, but you weren’t in the mood.”

“I know, I know,” she said, seemingly contrite. “I … I want to apologize for being an asshole to you.  I know it’s inexcusable, but I really am sorry.”

“I don’t know you, Hayley. Having you angry with me hasn’t bothered me much at all. It’s your mother you’ve hurt.”

The girl nodded. “I think I see that now. I … I can’t really explain why this has been so hard for me, but I really am gonna try to be better.”

“I hope so, for your mom’s sake.” Clancy wrapped her hands around her knee and rocked in her chair. “You know, I’ve never lost anyone as important as your father was to you.  I can’t imagine how it must have turned your world upside down – especially since you were so young. Your mom realizes that, too, and that’s part of the reason she’s been so patient with you.” She smiled, an evil twinkle in her eyes. “I would have sent you packing after about a week, but your mom is a lot more patient and forgiving than I am.”

“I know she is,” Hayley said quietly. “Talking to my friends at school makes me see how good a mom she really is.”

“She’s better than you’ve deserved to be honest.” Clancy leaned forward and gazed directly into Hayley’s eyes. “I know how much you miss your dad. Try to remember that your mom won’t be here forever, either. You should thank God for every day you have with her.”

“I’m gonna try,” she insisted. “I know I’ve acted like a big baby, and I really am sorry.”

“It’s forgotten,” Clancy said.  “Now you and I have to work on figuring out how to be friends.”

The younger woman sat perfectly still for a moment. “I don’t think we should aim that high.”

Clancy gave her a bored look. “Fine. I’ve got plenty of friends.”

“Hey, don’t be an asshole. I obviously wanted to be your friend last summer, but you wouldn’t even go out for a burger with me.”

Rolling her eyes, Clancy said, “You didn’t wanna be friends. You wanted to fuck me.”

Outraged, the girl spat, “You are so fucking full of yourself!”

“No, I’m not,” Clancy said. “I just have a good bullshit detector. You wanted to see if you liked doing girls, and you didn’t want to do it up at Santa Cruz, even though you can’t spit without hitting a dyke at UCSC.”

“So what? I never met anyone I liked.”

“You never met anyone who you thought you could have sex with and then walk away from if you didn’t like it. I was safe and very, very far away.”

“And having sex just for sex is what … evil?”

“No,” Clancy said. “If that’s what you like, go for it. But I don’t do that. Sex means something to me.”

“You’re so fucking superior, aren’t you? You do everything right!”

“No, I don’t,” Clancy said patiently. “I’m just more mature than you are. One day, you’re gonna look back on this year and wish you could erase it from your memory. I hope,” she added.

“I was just honest,” Hayley said. “There’s nothing wrong with being honest.”

“That’s crap,” Clancy said. “Pure crap. You acted like a brat, and you haven’t changed one bit as near as I can see.”

“Fine. Then why do you want to be friends?” Hayley’s face was red, and she looked like she wanted to scream.

“As long as you like honesty, I’ll be completely honest with you. I don’t wanna be your friend. I don’t like people who act like you do. I’m only nice to you because your mother loves you. If it were up to me … I’d change the locks.”

Hayley stared at her, her eyes remarkably wide. “Does my mom know how much you hate me?”

“You’re exaggerating,” Clancy said. “I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you. And no, I’ve never told your mother that I don’t like you. I was willing to keep an open mind, but you’re doing your best to convince me to close it.”

“You are such an asshole!” Hayley said this louder than she should have, and several of Clancy’s friends heard and tried to unobtrusively shuffle closer to hear what was going on.

Giving her an evil smile, Clancy leaned closer and said, “An asshole you wanted to fuck.”

Hayley bit her bottom lip and brought her hand back. Clancy grabbed it and squeezed. Her eyes hardened, and her voice was low and filled with warning. “You got one free whack. You won’t get another one.”

The girl jerked her hand away and ran off in tears. Clancy let out a breath and sat still for a minute. Then she closed her eyes and let her head drop back, but not before she held up her middle finger to her obtrusive friends.

***

Abby went outdoors to cool down after being in the overly warm living room, and that’s where her father found her.  “You know,” he said thoughtfully, “I was thinking about putting in a nice, big koi pond in the back yard.  Do you think that’s something Clancy could do?”

“Absolutely,” Abby nodded.  “She uses her father for the plumbing work, but she could design it and get it installed.”  She looked at him, a smile lighting up her face.  “She does nice work, doesn’t she?”

“She does,” he said.  “I was afraid this was going to look a little like a theme park — you know, where the boulders look fake and out of scale.  But I’m very impressed with this.  It looks amazingly natural.”

“She’s a pro, Dad.  She really knows her stuff.”

“That’s always been my motto,” he said.  “Find an expert, and let her do her job without interference.”

“You didn’t follow your motto when you tried to tell me how to deal with Hayley.”

She could see him bristle, but he didn’t say anything for a few moments. “I’m a parent, too, Abby, and I think I did a good job of raising you.”

“I do, too, Dad,” she agreed. “But don’t you think we’d both be better off if we stuck with our fields of expertise? You’re an expert on raising me, but Hayley’s my responsibility.”

“I just want her to be happy,” he said. “She’s lost so much.”

“I know that,” Abby said. “So have I.”

He looked at her, studying her features. “You’re not the woman you were when Will was alive,” he said, the realization just dawning on him. “You’ve changed.”

“Yeah, I have,” she said. “I had to, Dad. I had to get stronger and learn how to make my own decisions to deal with my life. I didn’t have anyone to rely on to help me.”

He nodded. “We tried to help, honey, but there was only so much we could do.”

“I know that,” she said. “You helped me a lot. But you wanted to step in and take Will’s place every once in a while, and that’s not what I needed.”

He was obviously hurt. She could see that in his clear, blue eyes. “I did my best,” he said, his tone curt.

She sighed, feeling like this could last all night. “Dad, I’m not complaining. I’m trying to explain myself. I had to change after Will died, and I’m not ever going to be the way I was before. You’ve got to let go … just like I’ve got to let go of Hayley a little bit.”

He frowned. “She’s far too young to be on her own.”

“Fine,” she said, conceding the point for the moment. “I’m not.”

He stretched, then rubbed his nose, both nervous habits. Then he turned towards her. “Point taken.”

“Dad, I don’t want you to stop caring. I just want you to stop trying to tell me what to do. I know you do it because you love me, but I’d really like it if you could find another way to show your love.”

He let out a short laugh and smiled. “Like?”

“Honoring my wishes. Letting me deal with Hayley.”

“I’ll try,” he said, obviously uncomfortable. “We’d better go in,” he said.  “Looks like Clancy’s mom and grandmother have washed the glasses, so it’s safe to go into the kitchen.”

She chuckled softly, knowing they hadn’t settled anything, but feeling like they’d made a little progress.  “So, did I get my hatred of doing dishes from you?”

“You don’t see your mother in there either, do you, honey?” he asked, slipping his arm around her shoulders to lead her back inside.

***

When Clancy went back into the house, she couldn’t find her partner. She went upstairs on the off chance she was up there but found only Trevor, packing a duffle bag. “Hi,” she said, standing in his doorway.

He smiled brightly. ‘Hi! I was just gonna come downstairs to look for you.”

“Beat you to it,” she said. “What’s up?”

“I have a present for you.” He reached into his pocket, took out a small box and handed it to her. “It’s kind of a trade, but I think you’ll like it.”

She gave him a puzzled look, then opened the box, taking out a nice, silver keychain, engraved with her initials. “This is very nice, Trevor. But why are there keys on it?”

“Oh.” He stood next to her. “This one is for the gate, and this one is for all of the entry doors.” He held his hand out. “Now give me yours.”

“What?”

“We’re trading,” he said. “I’m taking your apartment, and you’re moving in here.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she cried, then slapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry about that.”

“I’m twenty-five, Clancy. I’ve heard the word before.” He poked her shoulder with his own. “You don’t have to treat me like my mom does. I think we’ll get along better if we act like peers.”

“We are,” she said, slipping her arm around him. “And we’re gonna be friends, too.”

“I think we already are,” he said, smiling. “You got me a great job and a great apartment. And as soon as I get my next paycheck, I’ll give you back your security deposit.”

“Does Michael know about this?” she asked, laughing. “Or did you and your mom just dream this all up?”

“No, he knows,” he said. “He said he was lonely without you, and once he learned that I can cook, he was really excited.”

“He would be,” she said, laughing. “Make a deal with him that he gives you free haircuts if you cook.”

“Good idea,” he said. “Any other tips?”

“You’re welcome to my furniture if you want it. If not, just call a charity and have them pick it up.”

“I like sleeping on a futon,” he said. “I had one in my apartment, and I really got used to it.”

“Your mom isn’t a fan, but she’s a good sport about it.”

“She’s always a good sport,” Trevor said. “She’s always been the kind of mom who’ll try anything, ya know? Roller coasters, water slides … if we wanted to do it, she’d do it with us.”

“You’re a lucky guy, Trevor. And the best thing is that you know it.”

“I do,” he said. He looked around and said, “I guess I’m set.” He hoisted his duffle bag and put a hand on her back, guiding her from the room. “Enjoy your new home, Clancy. I know you’ll love living here.”

She stopped and gave him another hug, feeling like she might cry. “This is still your home, Trevor. I want you over here as often as you want. And both you and Michael had better start coming over on weekends to hang out, especially when we can use the pool again.”

“We will,” he said, giving her a squeeze. “It’ll be nice to float in one after installing them all week.”

“Oh, you’ll be working in an office by then.”

“Hey, you never know. I like my job – a lot. I might stick with it.”

“As long as your mother doesn’t blame me, go for it!” she said, laughing as they walked back downstairs together. “Now I have to go find Michael and knock him silly for keeping me in the dark about all of this!”

***

Trevor spotted Michael by the keg, and he walked over to him. “Hi. Did Clancy find you?”

“Yeah,” the older man said, laughing. “She thunked me on the head for not telling her about your moving in.”

Trevor poured a beer for himself and took a few sips. He and Michael stood together for a little while, watching the party. “Clancy’s gonna be good for my mom, isn’t she?” Trevor asked, catching Michael by surprise.

“Yeah, yeah, she is,” Michael said. “I mean, I don’t know your mom well, but Clancy’s the best. Really, Trevor. She’s the best.”

“I just wanna make sure she’s not gonna get tired of her and dump her,” he said. “I know my mom’s really hooked.”

“She’s not like that,” Michael said. “If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s how serious Clance is about love. She loves your mom, Trevor. She really loves her.”

“She seems like she does,” Trevor agreed. “But I … I worry about the whole thing.”

“Well, it’s gotta be weird for you,” Michael said. “I couldn’t handle it if my mom fell in love with a woman.”

Trevor shrugged his shoulders. “You might feel different if your mom had been depressed for five years. Seeing her happy again is worth a lot to me. A whole lot.”

Michael clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re a good guy. I think we’re gonna get along great.”

Trevor smiled at him. “I know we will. And I’m really ready to be able to start dating again. Having my own place is gonna be sweet.”

“Let me know if you need anything, or if I can help you move some stuff over.”

“I’m fine,” Trevor said. “I have to buy a futon, but other than that I don’t have much to do.”

Michael gave him a quizzical look. “Is Clance taking hers?”

“No,” Trevor said. “But if you think I’m gonna sleep on a bed where Clancy and my mom …” he trailed off, shaking his head quickly while making a face, “you’re nuts!

Part Thirty

After turning off the lights downstairs, Abby slipped into the bedroom and walked into the bath, smiling at Clancy when their eyes met in the mirror.  Clancy finished brushing her teeth and stretched her body a little.  Unable to resist the play of muscles that danced across the younger woman’s back, Abby gave her a gentle scratch, then Clancy turned to pull her into a tight hug.  “I had the nicest birthday in the history of birthdays,” she murmured.

“It’s not over,” Abby said.  She leaned back in the hug, letting Clancy support her weight. They swayed together for a moment, smiling at each other. “Birthdays last until you go to sleep — and I have big plans for you.”

“Plans?  You have plans … for me?”  Clancy batted her eyes ingenuously, and Abby leaned forward and nibbled on her ear.

“Big plans.  Any complaints?”

“Not a one.”  Clancy walked over to the stereo and put in a rather vigorous orchestral CD. She took Abby’s hand and started to tug her towards the bed.  “Mmm,” she sighed when she slid between in.  “Fresh sheets.  Yet another present.”

“You deserve to have everything be perfect on your birthday,” Abby insisted.  “I’m gonna do my best to make sure that holds true for the rest of the night.”

“Oh, it will. It’s always perfect when we’re together.”

Abby smiled at her and ran her fingers through her hair, pushing the strands from her forehead.  “I love you, Clancy,” she whispered, hovering above the pink lips for a moment.

Clancy felt her heart rate start to pick up as she looked up into the depths of Abby’s vivid blue eyes.  She could feel the emotion surging between them, and her lips hungered for contact.  “Kiss me,” she whispered, unable to wait another second.

With her smile growing, Abby responded, pressing her lips gently to Clancy’s.  They kissed tenderly, unhurriedly, letting their bodies find a comfortable pace, and allowing the pressure to build slowly.  “Mmm,” Clancy sighed, “I think I could live on your kisses.”

Abby lifted her head and smiled at her lover.  “You are honestly the most talented kisser I’ve ever met.  You know just how to turn me on — like you’re slowly cranking up the heat under a simmering kettle.  You could teach a master class.”

“Uhn-uh,” Clancy demurred gracefully.  “You’re the only one who inspires me.”

 “We make a good pair,” Abby said, planting row after row of kisses along Clancy’s brow and across her jaw line.  She propped herself up on an elbow and regarded her lover for a moment, a contemplative look on her face.  “You make me feel confident of myself.  I feel safe to ask for what I need and what I want.  I’m never embarrassed with you.  That’s been a real gift.”

“I feel the same about you,” Clancy said.  “I have since the first night.”  She shook her head and let the intensity of her smile build.  “I’ve never felt that with anyone else.  There was always some awkwardness involved.  But not with you.  I felt understood from the start.”

Abby started to kiss a path down her body, stopping whenever a particular spot caught her attention.  “You’re understood … you’re desired … you’re loved,” she murmured against her damp skin.  “You’re very, very loved.”

Clancy arched her back, letting out a pleasured gasp when Abby’s hungry mouth suckled against her breast.  “Oh, yeah, that’s it,” she urged, gently holding the back of Abby’s head.  “Come on, just a little harder.”  Her legs shot straight out in reaction when Abby gladly complied.  “Oh, so good,” she purred, increasing the pressure against Abby’s head.  “You’re making me throb, baby.”

Sliding down the bed, Abby urged Clancy’s legs apart and nuzzled her cheek against her.  “I can feel you,” she whispered.  “I can feel your pulse beating.”

Shifting her hips while guiding Abby’s head, Clancy tried to obtain the relief she desperately needed.  “Come on,” she gently cajoled.  “Just turn your head and let me feel that sweet tongue.”

The soft cheek moved lightly against her, causing Clancy to pump her hips in frustration.  “It’s your birthday,” Abby murmured, shifting up to her elbow.  “We can’t let you finish so quickly.”

“We can’t?” Clancy asked weakly.  “Are you sure?”

With a warm smile, Abby nodded her head.  “I’m positive.  You need a nice, long, slow simmer on your birthday.  Don’t you want that?”  She gazed up at Clancy, and the blonde realized just how powerless she was against this lovely woman.

“I want whatever you want,” Clancy sighed, then flopped down against the mattress.  “It may kill me, but I want it.”

“No, it won’t kill you.  You’ll love it.”

“God knows I’m not complaining,” Clancy murmured.  “It’s just that your touch is so overwhelming.  I lose all control.”

Crawling back up to lie next to Clancy, Abby put on a contemplative look and asked, “How can we slow you down?”

“I’ve got an idea,” Clancy said. “I can tell you about the fight I had with Hayley.”

Abby slapped herself on the forehead. “Are you serious? She promised she’d try harder!”

“We had a very nice two minute conversation,” Clancy said. “But we were together for ten.”

Looking tired, Abby asked, “What happened?”

“Uhm … I don’t really wanna tell you,” Clancy said. “I think this should be between Hayley and me. I just told you about it to keep you in the loop.”

“So I’m in the loop, but I don’t know anything? That’s not much of a loop.”

She looked decidedly unhappy, but Clancy knew she couldn’t make things much better. “I know that. But we have to work out our own relationship. It can’t go through you, and it can’t be because she’s trying to please you. I think it’s gonna take a while, too. I was pretty rude to her.”

Hurt, Abby cocked her head, looking at her lover. “Why?”

“Because she was being a big baby. I just don’t have any patience for that. I’m tired of coddling her, Abby. I have to be genuine with her.”

“And being rude is genuine?”

Confidently, Clancy nodded. “Sometimes it is. Hayley was asking for it. And I have to show her that she can’t get away with that with me.”

Abby let out a breath. “Well, I’ve cooled off. Sex is the last thing on my mind.”

They lay together, not touching, each woman deep in thought. After a long time, Clancy asked, “Are you mad at me?”

“No,” Abby said. She reached over and took her partner’s hand. “But I don’t like it when you and Hayley fight. I wish you could be more adult and cut her a little slack.”

Clancy sat up like a fish being reeled in. “A little? Jesus Christ! I’ve cut her so much slack she could wrap the rope around this house! And I am acting like an adult. An adult who’s sick of babying another adult. Remember when you called that prick out at the dance? Were you being childish?”

“That was completely differ –“ Abby began but stopped before she finished. “We’re not talking about some jerk who I’ve disliked for years. We’re talking about my daughter. My eighteen-year-old daughter. Someone I have to have in my life.” She looked so sad that Clancy’s heart clutched in sympathy. She tried to touch her partner, but Abby deftly moved just enough to show she wasn’t in the mood.

Clancy collected her thoughts, trying to think of a way to explain herself. “I know how much Hayley means to you.”

“No you don’t,” Abby said tiredly. “You can’t really know what this bond is like if you haven’t been a mother.”

“Great,” the blonde said. “So I can never have an opinion about your kids because I don’t have kids of my own? Is that really how you want things to be?”

Abby shook her head and stroked Clancy rather absently. “No, that’s not what I want. I just … I just feel like you must not understand how much Hayley means to me. If you did you’d try harder to be patient with her.”

“Uhm … there’s another possibility,” Clancy said. “Try this one out. I know how much Hayley means to you, but I don’t handle things like you do.”

Abby thought about that for a moment, then reluctantly nodded. “I guess that’s possible.”

“Hayley will never be my child, and I’ll never treat her like you will. But we’re gonna have to be around each other and we can’t just act polite to each other for your sake. We need to clear the air.”

“Any you have to do that by being rude?” Abby’s eyebrow was arched in her most disapproving mom look.

“No, I don’t,” Clancy said, her patience wearing thin. “I don’t intend to be rude. I swear I don’t. But she acts like such a baby when we’re alone, and I’m not going to let her bully me. That’ll never work.”

“She seems like a frightened little girl when I talk to her,” Abby said. “Can’t you have some sympathy for her?”

“She acts like a kid who needs a good spanking when I talk to her. Is that the kind of behavior you’d have sympathy for? Is that how you want her to behave?”

Abby rolled over, facing away from her lover. She didn’t say a word, and Clancy didn’t try to draw her out. Instead she lay back down, hoping that Abby wouldn’t sulk for long. Finally, the brunette spoke. “I hate it when you’re right.”

Clancy clambered over her, wrinkling her nose playfully. “I’m not like you are, babe. You have to let me be myself.”

Abby grabbed her nose. “I want you to be like me. Then you’d be perfect.” She rolled back onto her back and pulled Clancy close. “Kiss me you rude, child-hater.”

Clancy did as she was told, kissing her partner until things started to heat up between them again. “Mad at me?”

“No. I’m a little upset, but I think it’s more about the situation than you.”

“Good.” Clancy playfully touched Abby’s lips with her finger. Tracing their outline and pulling the bottom one down, only to let it flap back into place. Feeling frisky once again, she asked, “Aren’t you glad I don’t wanna have kids? We’d do nothing but fight.”

“Thank God,” Abby said, smiling. “The last thing I want around here is more kids. Besides, they’d get in the way of my making love to you whenever … wherever … I want.”

“How about now?” Clancy asked. “I am still the birthday girl.”

“Great idea.” She rolled Clancy onto her back and kissed her, breathing in her scent, feeling the softness of her lips. She was lost in the kisses, not another sensation penetrating her sensual fog. They moved slowly against each other, lips together until Abby looked into the moss green eyes and said, “I love you so much.” Her warm breath tickled Clancy’s sensitized lips.  “I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

“Are you proposing?” Clancy smiled up at her with such a warm, love-filled smile that Abby found herself nodding her assent.

“I am.”  She kissed her again, somehow managing to fill the lingering kiss with even more emotion.  “I want to see your sweet face every morning for all of the days of my life.”

“I want that too,” Clancy whispered, surprised when a tear slipped past her temple.

Abby lifted her body up a little so that she could gaze into Clancy’s eyes.  “When I married Will I knew that I loved him and that I wanted to build a life with him — but I didn’t really know what it meant to give myself to another person.”  She reached up and unclasped her gold chain, letting the chain and Will’s ring pool in her hand. She stared at the gold for a moment, and then placed them on her bedside table.

Clancy was completely shocked. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t wear it any more,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “I realized something when I was talking to Hayley yesterday. I can’t be married to two people. Will’s gone, and I have to concentrate on making a life with you.”

“But … but …”

“No buts. I’ll always love him.” She took in a deep breath and said, “I don’t know if I’ve ever said this to you, but there’s a big part of me that wishes he were lying beside me right now.” She was afraid to look, but she made herself meet Clancy’s eyes. The gray depths were untroubled, surprising Abby. “Are you … okay with that?”

“Yeah, I am,” the younger woman said softly. “I love you so much that I’d glad give you up to bring him back. I’d do anything to take away the pain you all have gone through.”

Abby kissed her, gently brushing lips again and again. “You’re the most generous person I’ve ever known.”

Clancy laughed a little. “It’s easy to be generous with wishes that can’t come true.” She hugged Abby tightly. “But I’m serious. You’d be crazy to be glad he died. I understand completely.”

Abby smiled at her, then touched her face, letting her fingers brush across the symmetrical features. “I’m not glad he died, but I’m so happy to have found you.” She nodded towards the ring. “Will is a wonderful part of my past.” She kissed Clancy soundly. “You’re my future.”

“Are you positive?” Clancy asked. “It doesn’t bother me to have you wear it.”

“I’m positive,” Abby said. “It would bother me. This is something that I need to do. I want to marry you. I want to merge our lives — in every way.  I want to take our differences and let them come together to create a new, even stronger, whole.”

“Like a grafted tree,” Clancy said, her eyes taking on a sparkle that always seemed to radiate from her when she spoke of her abiding passion.

Abby nodded tentatively, not really sure where Clancy was going with this, but anxious to hear her thoughts. “One of the first times I came over to have lunch I was listening to you talk and I started to think of you as a tree.”

“As a tree,” Abby parroted, not understanding the analogy.

“Yeah,” the architect said. “I do that a lot. I think of what a certain person would look like as a tree.”

“Like …”

“Oh, like I think of my Gramma as a Dutch Elm. Sturdy, stately, old and tough. A little thing like Dutch Elm disease wouldn’t dare try to infect her.”

Abby laughed, thinking of the flinty older woman covered with green leaves. “Okay. Tell me about my tree.”

“Well,” Clancy said thoughtfully. “You were talking about Will and how hard it was to have to raise the kids all alone. There was such a … almost tangible sadness about you that I started thinking of how that would look on a tree.”

“Mmm … you’ve lost me.”

Surprisingly, Clancy got out of bed, and went to her briefcase, pulling out a sketchpad an a few pencils.  Coming back to bed, she propped herself up with a few pillows and then placed the pad on her thighs and began to draw. “I started thinking of how your family depended on you, and on how great your loss was. I thought of this cool citrus tree I saw once. I’ve gotta draw it to show you.”

Abby lay on her side, her head propped up on her hand and observed her, delighting in watching the intent look in Clancy’s gray eyes.  Just the tip of her tongue poked out occasionally, and Abby had to force herself not to scoot up the bed and kiss it.

Slowly, the drawing took shape, turning into a beautifully rendered recreation of a robust orange tree.  “This is how I think of you,” Clancy explained, shading in the trunk of the mature tree.  “You’re the sturdy, hearty host — the rootstock.”  She pointed to a gnarled, healed-over wound about halfway up the large trunk.  “This represents Will,” she said softly.  “He was a nice, sweet tangerine that was grafted to you when you were just a sapling, and together you grew to make a beautiful, healthy tree.”  She pointed to two sturdy, but young, branches near the wound.  “This particular rootstock naturally hybridized, and created a new variety of citrus.  That’s Trevor and Hayley,” she indicated.  “A little bit of orange and a little bit of tangerine.  Let’s call them orangerines,” she decided.  “Both of them are healthy young stock that are almost ready to start bearing fruit on their own.”

She cast a quick glance at Abby, and bent to brush her tears from her cheeks.  With a warm kiss she sat up again and pointed at the wound.  “When this branch died the whole tree was in shock and it could have died. But it didn’t. It took years for the wound to heal, but it kept on going.  Bending for another kiss she whispered, “The host had to keep going, and she did, Abby.  She kept going to insure the survival of the whole system.”  Clancy tapped her pencil on the bark of the trunk.  “She’s a survivor.”  She met Abby’s eyes again and said, “The wound is still visible — and it always will be.  But the trunk is ready to grow again.  She’s ready to take on another challenge.”

Pointing out a large, weight-bearing branch near the healed wound she said, “This scaffold is going to have to go.”  She looked at Abby and said, “That branch is filled with years of sorrow and pain and longing.  All of the things that you have to let go of to be able to love again.  We’re gonna have to cut it away to let the scion — that’s me,” she added, “have a good growing medium.”  She took an eraser and removed the weighty, gnarled branch, exposing a clean, pale surface.  “Now we put a notch in the tree, here.”  She did so, using her eraser and her pencil.  “Then we put another one in the scion, and match up their cadmium layers, so the scion can receive nourishment.”

Quickly, but surely, she sketched a branch that was perfectly attached to the tree; smaller and shorter than the two offshoots she had earlier pointed out.  “This is me,” she said.  “I think I’ll be a kumquat. Now, this is a risky thing … this branch is a little big to be a scion, and it has some special needs and requirements.”  She grinned at Abby and said, “But this big, healthy rootstock can handle them.”

“Are you sure?” Abby asked, looking up at her with hope-filled eyes.

“Positive,” the architect said. “But there will be problems.”  She tapped each of the smaller branches and said, “These two are going to have a period of shock.  They’re going to get a little less nurturing from the trunk since the trunk has to parse out her nutrients to make sure this big graft takes.  One of the branches in particular is gonna take a very long while to adjust. But the cool thing,” she said, her eyes dancing, “the really cool thing, is that once the graft takes the whole system will be stronger.  The stress and the increased demands make the trunk stronger, they make the roots stronger, they increase the available nutrients to all of the branches — not just the new graft.”  She was bubbling with excitement as she continued to sketch in dozens of perfectly-drawn leaves.  “Some day — and it’ll take years — this tree will be a magnificent specimen.  With oranges and orangerines, and kumquats just dripping from its branches.” She leaned in and kissed Abby gently, whispering, “We’ll load our families and our friends down with all of this sweet, delicious fruit.”

Abby took the sketchbook from her hands and placed a gentle kiss on the drawing.  “I’m gonna frame this and put this on my dresser so I can see it every morning.” She wrapped Clancy in her arms and kissed her tenderly, letting her lips convey what her heart was too overwhelmed to express.  “I’ll do my very best to make this graft take.”

“All that matters is that you’re right where you belong — right next to me.”

“I’ll do my best, Clancy.” She kissed her lover gently, running her fingers through her hair. “You made me jump the gun on asking you to marry me, you know. I was going to do that on Christmas.”

Clancy blinked at her, a curious grin turning up the corners of her mouth. “Were you really? You want to have a ceremony and everything?”

“Of course I do!” Abby pulled back, her disappointment obvious. “Don’t you?”

“Well, sure. I think that would be fantastic. I just didn’t think you’d want to do something so public. I mean, I’m sure it would be hard for the kids …”

“Clancy,” the older woman murmured, “I know it’ll be difficult for them, but that’s no reason not to do it. I know you don’t have much of a relationship with organized religion — but I do. I want to give my kids the clear message that when you really love someone, you should be sure enough about him or her to commit yourself to that person — and ask for God’s blessing. I don’t just want to live with you — I want to show everyone how much you mean to me — how committed I am to you.”

“I will,” Clancy whispered. “I’ll marry you, Abby. In front of God and our families and our friends. I will.”

Abby kissed her fiercely, then, surprisingly, started to get out of bed, with Clancy still seeking her lips. “Be right back,” Abby said, putting on her robe and leaving the room.

She was only gone for a few minutes, and when she returned she was holding something behind her back. Clancy gave her a very curious look, her eyes wide with anticipation. “Whatcha got there, good lookin?”

“Your Christmas present. Well … one of them. But I think this is the right time to give it to you.”

“Cool! Christmas and birthday rolled into one.”

“Mmm … more like birthday and engagement rolled into one,” Abby said, giving her partner a very satisfied-looking smile.

“Gimme!”

“So anxious,” Abby said, grinning at her exuberant lover. She sat cross-legged on the bed, facing Clancy.

Abby brought her hand around to rest in her lap, and Clancy saw the navy blue jewelry box resting there. The landscaper briefly allowed herself to worry, Oh, God, please don’t look disappointed. She doesn’t know that it’s dangerous to wear a ring when you’re working. You can just put it on a necklace like she did. Smile and make it look sincere!

“This is a little … okay, very … untraditional, but so are we,” Abby said, smiling warmly. “I really hope you like it, Clance, but if you don’t, I hope you feel comfortable telling me so. I want this to be right.”

Okay, okay, you can be honest. Tell her that you can’t wear it during the day, but that you’ll put it on as soon as you put the tools away. She’ll be fine with that. Now reassured, Clancy held her hand out and allowed Abby to place the box there. “I love it,” she said, smiling sweetly.

“You haven’t opened it,” Abby helpfully pointed out.

“I don’t have to open it to love it. The fact that you bought it for me is all that matters.”

“C’mere you romantic little devil.” Abby rose to her knees and spent several moments kissing her partner. “Now, open it, for goodness sake, or it will be your Christmas present.”

Grinning, Clancy lifted the lid and stared at the gift for a moment, trying to comprehend exactly what it was. Inside the satin-lined box lay two fairly substantial gold hoops — with a brilliant diamond floating at the base of each — seemingly immune from the laws of gravity.

“Do you like it?” Abby asked excitedly.

“Of course I do,” Clancy said, a little furrow between her brows. “But … I’m not sure I understand …”

“It’s a nipple ring,” Abby said, giggling.

“Uhm … Abby … it’s two nipple rings. That’s a pretty expensive spare.”

“Well,” Abby said, “you told me that you wanted to have your other nipple pierced …”

“Oh! I get it! I can have a matching pair. Wow, Abby, these are phenomenal. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

“Wrong again,” Abby said, shaking her head. “You’re a little slow tonight. Must be old age.” She took the box from her partner and pressed her fingernail into a tiny catch at the top of one of the rings, then pulled the ring apart, the gold swinging away from the diamond. Holding it in her hand, she said, “It’s your engagement ring. I talked to your parents, and your dad told me that you never wear a regular ring because of your job.”

“Oh, Abby! That was so thoughtful of you!” She blinked, and said, “but why two of them?”

“One for you, and one for me,” the older woman said, grinning slyly.

“You’re gonna get your nipple pierced?”

“Yep. It’s traditional to wear your engagement ring on your left hand, so I thought we could both have our left nipples pierced. There’s something so appealing about marking my body to show my love for you — and having you be the only one to see it.”

“Oh, Abby,” the blonde said, throwing her arms around her partner. “You know me so well. This is exactly what I would have chosen — if I’d had the creativity to think of it.”

“Well, you didn’t know that I’ve been thinking about having my nipple pierced, so you were at a disadvantage. I see your face when I pull on your ring, and I need to experience it for myself.”

After giving Abby a slow, probing kiss, the architect said, “You’ve made so many changes this year, Abby; falling in love … with a woman. Having trouble with Hayley, losing a close friend. Are you sure you want to make another change — especially one so permanent?”

“I’m absolutely sure,” the older woman said. “Our relationship is permanent, Clancy, and I want a permanent sign on my body that signifies our bond.” Stroking Clancy’s face with her fingers, Abby said, “I told your family that one of our strengths is our willingness to extend ourselves — to try to see the world through each other’s eyes. Piercing my nipple is my way of being more like you.”

Clancy grinned at her and said, “And wearing a big diamond is my way of being more like you. Classy, elegant, and incredibly resilient.”

Abby kissed her again and again, murmuring as she pressed her lips against her lover’s neck, “A diamond isn’t just resilient, Clance, it’s impervious from harm — just like our love.”

“Just like our love,” Clancy sighed. “Always changing, always growing, always sustaining us through our long, long life together.”

Giving her lover a wistful smile that spoke volumes, Abby said, “We can’t guarantee how long we’ll have, sweetheart. All we can do is try to treat every day like it’s precious.”

“Every day with you is precious,” Clancy said. “And I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how precious you are to me.”

“What a wonderful goal,” Abby sighed.

“Mmm … not a goal,” Clancy murmured, “that’s a promise. A promise that I’m gonna have an absolutely fantastic time keeping.” Giving Abby her cockiest grin, the younger woman added, “And so are you.”

THE END