Forever Mine

by S. R. Torris

Smashwords Edition

In association with White Wolf Press, LLC

Copyright ©2011 S.R. Torris All Rights Reserved

Print ISBN 978-1-257-75743-5

Acknowledgments

First book, first publishing and I must say it would have never been done without the support of the following people…

To Naya'Hri Zaire who said I should do it in the first place;

To Nneka, Noel, and Ramiah for your perspicacity and invaluable feedback;

To My Cousin, Hank, LaTonia, Quiona, Real, and Samuel for the "Cheering Section" -- and I ain't talking about bleach!

And to Brian Rathbone, the man who gave me a chance.

Thank you all.

Andiamo!

Dedication

To November, Spider Juice, and Me.

It's about time!

Introduction…

She was the love of my life and I never knew her real name. All of the time, the lust, the love that passed between us - I never thought to ask until she was dying.

"So," I said to her, tears streaming down my face, "what do you call yourself?"

She looked at me and smiled. She looked so young, even younger when she smiled. Her hair was turning grey but she was still beautiful to me and I didn't want her to leave. It wasn't fair for her to leave me now. We'd survived, no, we lived in this crazy lawless world; she saved my life, she saved the lives of my family and all I could do was hold her hand and cry at her side. And watch her die…

"Yours," she said in barely a whisper. "Forever."

I stayed with her until she passed.

Chapter 1

My brother was 12 and being taught to do many things in the wilderness we roamed. This was the state of the world we now lived in. I was 9 and wondered why could I never participate in anything like fishing or hunting? The excuse: RAHOWA. It was the mythical racial holy war my Uncle Jeff constantly went on about. He'd say things weren't how they used to be, ominously with dramatic pauses where needed, and a "pure" little girl like me could have terrible things done to her if she went off on her own without a man to help her. A man. Like my 12-year-old brother? Whatever.

There was indeed a war, The End War, which changed our lives -- our entire planet. When it happened it wasn't racial and it was most definitely NOT holy. But there was enough propaganda that at war's official end, in 2020 A.D., there were very few people who had racially mixed communes. Many were wandering nomads that traded fairly with each other, while others fought with and stole from each other.

Thanks to the EMPs, biological weapons, and disease, we didn't have to worry about nuclear fallout or radiation. We did have to worry about each other, which I learned, was much worse.

My father is the head of our clan. My mother, Uncle Jeff and his concubine, Sara, Sara's sister Jenny, my brother Chet, and I round out our little tribe. We're all part of the new nomadic people The End War produced. We tried to keep a steady camp up North deep in the woods but we'd get wind of Raiders and be on our way before they could get hold of our supplies, our weapons -- our women. My Uncle Jeff, the Griot (he got used to the title which he despised at first) would tell tall tales of bands of raging "Darkies", black as night, who would eat the beating heart out of our chest. Of course, these tales would always be spun when I didn't pack up fast enough to haul out of the site we were on. My father would usually give me a hearty smack on the bottom to speed up the process and issue a proper slap on the back of my Uncle Jeff's head for filling my head with scary stories.

"You cut that shit out, dammit! Marva wouldn't want her hearing that garbage." Then he would look me right in my eyes and say, "There are plenty of white men out there that would hurt my little girl and I'm not gonna stop to chat about it if one of 'em comes. Any man is a DEAD man."

Marva, my mother, died a couple of months after I was born. My father tells me how much I look just like her; I think it's the reason I can't go anywhere without some kind of supervision. Whatever playtime I got my father was not that far behind me, scanning for Raiders, possible rabid animals and other dangers out in the wilderness. I know he didn't want to lose his "little Marva"...

My mother was a frail woman, from what I've been told. She was very strong at heart though. The year I was born was a year that the Raiders were ravaging the countryside with reckless abandon. Any peaceful camps were looted, women and children kidnapped -- we'd spent a month running for our very survival. I was fresh out of the womb and already fighting for my life. We had a group but not large enough to hold off violent Raiders who surely had us outnumbered. My mother never regained her strength and the running from day to day was too much for her. She died in a cave they'd found safe enough to hide in.

Later that evening, he'd had his revenge. It didn't quell his despair but it left us with fewer Raiders to worry about.

Chapter 2

We were supposed to leave camp at lunchtime.

It was going to be a different day for me, I'd planned it all out the night before. I would get up earlier than everyone else, make sure I was bundled because the weather was getting colder and I could sense with my 9-year-old brain, that snow would be coming soon. I was going to Dad's fishing hole were I was determined that I'd be the one to bring in the catch. Dad had done this many times with Chet and regardless of the test it would be on my patience, I would sit quietly to catch enough fish for everyone. Once he saw what I'd done Dad would have to let me do the things Chet got to do.

The snow was beautiful. Thank God the war didn't destroy any of this, I thought to myself. I looked as it settled on the trees and was excited that there would be more as we moved on to another, safer place. I loved walking in the snow, listening to Uncle Jeff tell his less hostile, more comical stories on the way to a new location. I especially loved the Trade Post where we could get warnings of Raiders in the area, and my favorite, get to see other people. As much as Uncle Jeff went on about RAHOWA and its racial politics, it always seemed to me that people at the Trade Post were happy to see other people -- just so long as they weren't Raiders.

I listened for the sounds of the woods but there was only peaceful quiet. Why would Raiders come here and mess all of this up with their noise and scary faces? My daydreaming about Raiders brought me out of my bliss in time to realize I'd wandered off in what had to be the wrong direction. It felt like I was walking for days and it never took this long for me to find the pond that Dad and Chet fished out of.

I started to panic until I saw a clearing and a large lake ahead. It looked so much bigger than when I'd come here before. Maybe it was because I was on my own about to do a very big thing. A very big girl thing and Dad wouldn't have a choice but to treat me like a big girl. Of course, I'd still play with the doll he carved for me but I also wanted a slingshot. I would shoot bunnies just like Chet and Uncle Jeff -- no, I wouldn't use my slingshot to kill a poor defenseless bunny, I'd use it to help fight. That was if I ever saw a Raider up close and in person.

Too much daydreaming and not enough paying attention. I hadn't realized that I'd walked pretty far out onto the ice. In fact, I hadn't realized that this lake was a lot larger than the one we get our lovely little fish from.

Then, I fell in.

The water felt like I was being hit with a blast of fire even though it was freezing cold. It was at this moment that I silently thanked Uncle Jeff and his love of telling tales. I began to remember the one he told me about a man who told him that he was stuck in a freezing lake for almost 24hours until his dog came and pulled him out. None of us believed him, or his imaginary man for that matter, we just loved the way Uncle Jeff could tell a story; sinking into that ice cold water made me remember every detail hoping it would give me just a bit more time, enough for my father to notice my absence and come save me.

I kept what I could of my body above the water. I wiggled my toes a little bit and as much as I wanted to I didn't cry for help. Part of the reason was I needed to conserve my energy and panicking would surely kill me. More of the reason was I didn't want my cries to signal the wrong people who would also, most surely kill me, or worse. I couldn't say how long I'd been in that ice-cold water before I found myself stuck to the ice. This meant I no longer had to struggle to keep most of my body above the surface. However, I couldn't feel my toes which made me remember something else Uncle Jeff said the mystery man told him, he had to get three toes removed when he finally did get to some human beings that could help him. I started to cry and immediately became exhausted with each heave of sorrow. What a way to go. Chet would talk to my frozen toeless corpse about how I should never have done this because I am not a boy. Uncle Jeff, for all his bluster and bravado would break down like a little baby. I'm as much his daughter as I am my father's. And my poor heartbroken father, to lose another woman that he loves so dearly, what would it do to him? I cried even harder.

Through blurry, tear filled eyes I saw someone coming toward me. Alone, a sled was pulled with tree bough on the back. Much to my horror the lone figure was winding back toward the woods, away from me. I wasn't going to die out here in silence when someone who could save me was yards away. I didn't care if it was a Raider or not, I didn't want to freeze to death alone stuck on the ice of the lake.

"HELP ME! PLEASE DON'T GO!"

I felt so weak I was sure that the person didn't hear me. But the figure did hear me because it stopped and turned around looking right in my direction.

It was dressed head to toe in a white outfit I hadn't seen before, even at the Trade Post, and it looked very warm, impervious to any element. There were goggles that covered eyes and large mittens -- I was looking at large winter robot and it was coming to rescue me. I'm in love, with a winter robot! I passed out. I was awakened by the commanding voice of what I guessed to be a teenaged boy. The voice had authority but it wasn't hard and startling like my father's or Uncle Jeff's. It was swimming in and out of my head as I started to pass out again.

"Hey! HEY! Spell your name!"

Play a game? Why on earth would I want to play a game right now when I am dying? My knight in a shining white suit! My savior, the very first crush I'll ever have and he's an idiot!

He was also closer to me than I thought. I could see my reflection in his goggles and he wasn't standing over me. He was on his belly peeling my frozen coat off the ice, dragging us both back to solid land slowly and carefully. I'd have a story to tell Uncle Jeff that I could show proof it happened; my snow robot would confirm everything. He would be better than any fish I would've taken back to the site.

He picked me up when we got to land and rearranged the animal skins on his sled. He gently laid me down on the skins and began to quickly take off my clothes. That part of the story would have to go untold so I wouldn't endanger the boy who came to my rescue. Dad and Uncle Jeff wouldn't be so kind, even though my winter robot was wrestling me from the icy grip of death.

"Damn, little girl, you picked a fine time to take a cold bath."

He took off his big warm coat and a heavy top shirt, revealing his beautiful brown lightly muscled arms.

I'm going to die, just like Uncle Jeff said! I should have stayed in camp and let Chet get the catch with Dad. I began to wonder if he was going to cut my heart out and eat it by the lake or if he would chop me up in pieces and save some of me for breakfast? He tied me up in his warm clothes, placing his mittens on my feet; he piled some more animal skins on top of me. They looked very light but under the weight of several skins I felt like I was being crushed. When he finally took off his hat and scarf to wrap my head, I could see he had very soft features, almost like a girl. He was young, as I'd guessed by his voice, younger than my father but older than Chet. That would have been comforting if not for the jagged scar that ran from just above his eyebrow down his cheek, to his chin. The depth of the scar ran through his right eye because it was a milky white color while his other eye was the same beautiful brown as his skin. He put on his goggles and off we went.

It began to snow. I started to cry again.

"You look like a nice one, please don't eat me," I said as he pulled me along in his sled, quickly trying to get out of the snow. It was cold.

"Save your strength little girl. We'll be safe soon."

I don't know where we were but it was shelter, indoor shelter with a fireplace! We were in a house! I'd never lived in a house all on my own with my family but we did get a chance to sleep in a few houses from time to time. Was this his house? Is this where he took all his "food"? I was in a bed with all kinds of animal skins piled on top of me and I had no clothes on at all. He was in the far corner of the house, if you could call it a "far" corner removing all the rest of his clothes and drying off from the snow. He wasn't a "he" after all! Her body was well toned but it was a girl's body, nonetheless. My very first and last crush was to be on a Black cannibal snow robot. I wished my father would find me in the nick of time.

She, in all her naked glory, came to the bed where I lay and got underneath all the crushing animal skins. She pulled me closer to her and began rubbing my somewhat numb legs. It felt comforting and I was beginning to get some sensation back in them. I could already feel my toes and was pretty sure that, unlike Uncle Jeff's friend, I'd be keeping them all. Confident and very comfortable I tried one last desperate and very innocent plea.

"Please don't eat me!"

"What?! Little girl -- "

"My Uncle Jeff says that 'Darkies' are cannibals who cut your heart out of your chest."

"Dark-?" she abruptly stopped rubbing my cold legs. "How about I put you back in your wet clothes, take you to your favorite bathing spot and throw you in there for your 'Uncle Jeff' to find your ass frozen solid?"

"Is it true, though? Are 'Darkies' cannibals? You don't seem like a cannibal."

"Look, I got your fuckin' 'Darkie', OK? There are no such things as 'Darkies', little girl. You don't get out this forest too much, do ya? You haven't seen many Folk? Your Uncle Jeff is an asshole but he's right, there are cannibals. We feed on the tongues of little girls who talk too much. Cut it right out your mouth with a wooden stick!"

I was paralyzed with fear. I wanted to run away but I'd gotten so warm and toasty that the weight of the animal skins didn't seem so heavy anymore. I was also very curious about my rescuer.

"You're not really a cannibal are you?

"Shut the fuck up little girl."

"How did you get your scar?"

"Mmmmmm, I feel a little hungry!"

"You're being mean," I said to her, mad that she wouldn't answer my questions. "I'm sorry I called you a 'Dark-', well you know, that word."

She squeezed me closer to her and resumed rubbing my legs as I drifted off to sleep.

I hope Dad isn't too worried.

Chapter 3

"What do you call yourself?"

I woke up to a warm fire crackling in the fireplace and my rescuer handing me a cup of very delicious soup with meat in it. When we didn't have to move so quickly, Dad would hunt the growing number of wildlife and we'd eat venison for days, I never got tired of it.

Dad!

"My Dad's gonna be looking for me. He's gonna be so worried -- and mad."

"It's dark, little girl, we ain't going nowhere right now. When the day breaks, we'll roll out. I'll take you back to your people, don't worry about that."

"K-H-Y-R-A. That's my name. See?" I reached for my necklace that my mother carved from an old tree branch before I was born.

"Khyra, huh?" She pronounced it with the "long y" and it sounded magical. I also noticed, sitting up in the comfortable bed, sipping my soup by the fire that she didn't look half as scary as I first thought she was. Her scar was softer on her face by the glow of the blazing fire and her milky white eye looked much more mysterious than evil. I imagined her to be like an old shaman, only younger than most that I've seen at the Trade Post.

"I'm 9. Do you know how many years you are?"

She came toward me and bent down, reaching under the bed for something.

"Aight, get out of my bed," she commanded. "You heal pretty fast and I eat at the table so you eat at the table. You looked warmed up enough."

I was very comfortable, like I hadn't even fallen in an icy lake earlier; it was as if I'd decided to pay an old friend a visit while sharing stories over warm soup. I crawled out of the bed and sat in a sturdy wooden chair at an equally sturdy table that was smooth with wear. In fact, I was able to look at the interior with a lot clearer eyes and it was very nice -- "homey". Right across the burning fireplace, with enough space so embers would burn her in her sleep was a very comfortable bed. It wasn't high off the ground but it wasn't so low that the bugs would get you. I was just happy not to have to sleep on the ground. The bed had a firm and inviting mattress that I will always believe for the rest of my life, had the magical powers to send the most worried almost hypothermic (which I was) people to the mystic land of Sleepville. A few feet away from the foot of her bed was the "dining room". It was where the table and four chairs were. A couple of metal cups were on the table along with what appeared to be silverware for eating (I was using a small wooden spoon for my meal) dinner or whatever else she wanted. Against the back wall there were shelves with a few metal plates, pans, and bowls. I couldn't believe my eyes - oranges in a jar! Where did she get this stuff? I'd only seen oranges twice at the Trade Post; they were pathetic with the peels still on them. Uncle Jeff bought one for me to share with Chet. When he finished peeling the thing, there was barely enough of it to fit in his hand. It was the sweetest treat we'd had and I thought it to be the best we would ever see until I saw the jar of magnificent, already peeled oranges. Those oranges just had to be sweeter.

"Stop eyeballing my shit before I gouge your little blues out your head and put them in the jar," she said having found what she was searching for underneath the bed.

"No you won't," I smiled at her victoriously, "you're not a cannibal."

"Oh, you so sure of that now? You wasn't saying that a minute ago."

"I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

She just looked at me. There was no malice, only frustration. She unsheathed a very large knife and waved it in my face with a sneer. It wasn't a frightful sneer but I frowned nonetheless. She was being mean again. She put the knife -- "machete" she called it, back into the sheath and showed the wooden handle. It had grooves and light markings under each groove.

"This rolls with me where ever I go. His name is Kunte Kente. My Pops gave this to me, you understand?" I nodded my head. "Good. So, each time the season turns I put a little tick on the handle. How many ticks you see here?"

My eyes lit up with excitement! A chance to count! The only chance I get to is when I'm counting something for my Dad at the Trade Post. Sara used to do the math and reading for us all until she saw I took a liking to it. From then on it was my job to read and add as best I could, much to the entertainment of those who were in earshot of my father conducting his business. I wondered if she read too?

After counting the "ticks" I was astonished that she was only 19!

"You're just a teenager! Where is your clan? Where is your Mommy and Daddy?"

"I'm grown enough, little girl. Besides, my sister is dead. Parents, dead."

I didn't expect her to say that. "You're by yourself?"

"Just me. No attachments. It works."

"You can be part of our clan. You could show Chet that girls do things too, he won't boss you around."

"Naaaah, baby. That ain't happening."

I was crestfallen. Didn't she like being my friend? We could go fishing some mornings then Dad could see that girls can help. I can help.

I missed my father…

She went in a corner and opened a chest I didn't even notice was there. This place must be lonely but she didn't look lonely, just sad.

"My Mommy is dead too."

There was empathy in her eyes that showed such warmth I wanted to hug her. Then she threw a bunch of clothes at me. There was a thick wool hat and what appeared to be a long john shirt. There were also some very thick socks that would probably reach my thighs if I tried them on. It was then I noticed some of my own clothes on the back of two chairs, drying by the fire.

"You're gonna need this stuff just in case some of your things don't dry by morning. And put the socks on because you have to sleep in those. Your feet will be freezing when you wake up."

"Do you read?"

"Yeah. It might surprise you, little girl, I even write a little too."

I was ecstatic again. "What do you read?"

She pointed to the bed, "Hop in there and cease the questions."

I obeyed, pulling on the thigh-high socks; I nestled in the spot I'd slept in earlier this morning. She busied herself with stones she took out of the hearth and positioned them around the bed. That's the magic trick to having a warm night's sleep. She crawled in beside me.

"I read whatever stories I can," she said. "Lately, I've mostly been reading maps."

"You don't have to join our clan if you don't want to."

Silence.

"But, we're friends. Could you at least come visit me to tell me what a 'map' is? And could you show me how to read one?"

More silence.

"You should join our clan."

She sighed. "First we gotta FIND your clan."

I turned toward her; she was lying on her back. The fire was very low and I could hear by her steady breaths that she was drifting off to sleep. I grabbed her arm and snuggled closer. Pretty soon I was in dreamland too, counting all the maps we were going to read together.

It was time for me to wake up. I was persuaded by a few hearty shakes and the smell of oranges.

"C'mon little girl. Get up and eat before I change my mind. The sooner I get you to your peoples, the sooner I can do me."

The oranges were as sweet as I imagined. She'd smothered them over a large piece of fresh hard bread. I'd made up my mind that when we found my family I was going to beg her to stay with us. Or at least we could trade with her if we passed by her area. Maybe we could stay with her so we wouldn't have to move around so much, which could be so wonderful.

"What Trade Post do you get your supplies?" I asked between delicious bites of breakfast.

"I stay away from the Trade Post as much as can. Too many people like to watch your movements."

"How do you know?" I asked, concerned.

"Finish up. We have some tracking to do."

Tracking we did. We went back to the area I'd come from just 24hours earlier; I'd walked a long way from "home". She looked at the site and saw things in the snow that, strain as might, were completely invisible to me. She explained that the snowfall wasn't too heavy through the night so we could still get a clear idea of when they left and what direction they were headed.

Why did I have to be so stupid yesterday? I should have just let Chet and Dad do the fishing like they usually did. She took me to the pond that I was supposed to fish from, I'd made a right instead of a left, which led me to my "cold bath". At the edge of the pond she broke the bad news to me.

"Raiders."

I was horrified.

"Your peoples came looking for you here," she pointed to the pond. She continued, "Your dad is the tracker, I guess? Whoever it is, they followed your tracks to the lake you fell in, probably saw that you got out judging by mess we left there, then lost the trail."

"Well how did they lose the trail?" I asked beginning to cry.

"I don't leave breadcrumbs, little girl. Anyway, they kept on looking but Raiders sidetracked them so they got the hell outta here. Looks like they came back to search for a little while over there." She pointed in a completely different direction. We'd never thought about going "over there", I think Uncle Jesse called that direction "west"; we were going to head further down into the valley.

We walked toward the valley hoping she would pick up their trail. She guessed they could be a little more than 12hours ahead of us. We came up to a trench near a rock and set up camp. It was a sad sight to see compared to the warm and cozy comfort of her shelter. She got a small fire going and I tried my best not to cry again. The more I thought of Raiders grabbing my family because they were looking for me, the harder it was for me to contain my tears.

"Hey," she said interrupting my thoughts, "do you guys stay around here when it snows harder than this?"

"N-n-no," I replied through silent sobs.

"Little girl you gotta suck it up! Nobody was hurt or killed other wise you would've seen their blood in the snow, OK? Now a lot of people can't handle it up here when the cold season comes so they go down to the valley like your peoples did, stay near a Trade Post so they have provisions. That sound about right?"

Gloom and death fell back off the horizon. My head began to clear and what she said made sense. "Yes," I replied sniffling.

"I stay up here during the cold season because I'm prepared for it. I gotta get some extra things since it looks like I'ma have company. Just in case your peoples found some kind of shelter around here, we can look for them every morning during the cold season and I promise that after it passes, we'll go down to the valley and search for them there, aight?"

"I miss my Dad," I said and began to cry all over again.

"Yeah? Well I miss my Dad too. Now you got to get it together girl or you won't survive long enough to see your Dad again. It's dangerous out here and more so during this season." Then she looked at me and asked, "How tall is your father?"

"He's a giant! He's way taller than you," I said proudly.

"Great," she said rolling her eyes, "that helps. I need your necklace, Khyra."

"Why?"

"Because your giant father and asshole uncle won't stop looking for you. They need to know they're not searching in vain." I handed her my only physical connection I had of my mother. She took it with respect and headed out of the trench we were camped in. I saw her walk several feet before stopping in front of a rather large tree. She scraped some of the bark off the tree and began carving something in it I couldn't see from where I was squatting. She scaled the trunk of the tree but not too high and jumped back down onto the snowy ground. It was actually starting to snow again as she walked back toward me.

"What did you do?"

"Your mother will let your dad know you're OK."

I was relieved and for some odd reason, I knew exactly what she meant.

"We got to head back. And you're going to pull your weight. No freeloaders in my place."

I was happy to hear her say that. I was finally going to be able to help, I was just sad it was under these circumstances.

"Does that mean reading maps?"

"Yeah. That means reading maps."

Chapter 4

She kept her promise.

Every morning of every year, for seven years, we got up and went out to look for my family. We went down to the Trade Post in neighboring valleys asking and observing, trading and bartering, leaving messages with people we trusted hoping that my father would come through one day and know I was alive and in good hands -- hoping he'd be waiting for me. We knew he was alive, we assumed. One day, a month after we began our pilgrimage, we went to the tree and my necklace was gone. We followed a trail that eventually led us to a roving party of Raiders. She thought they'd taken it but I felt in my heart, I just knew, that my father had. The hope sustained me everyday I woke up in the morning -- Dad was looking for me.

The day was for searching and the afternoon was for training. She made me do exercises whether it snowed or not. She'd trip me, throw me, and flip me over her shoulder, all for the sake of "toughening" me up. When the season was nice and the land was green, the training was worse. At first, I was exhausted (and bruised) after our exercise sessions. Then one day I kicked her a lot quicker than either of us expected. A straight shot right in the ribs that, judging by the grimace one her face, hurt like all kinds of hell. We exercised but I was without a sparring partner from then on.

I also learned about her best hunting and fishing spots, how to cut meat -- after several vomiting incidents on my part, how to smoke meat, and my favorite, how to preserve. I read and counted to my heart's content. I collected all kinds of maps, books or whatever had words on it. I made calendars so I would remember my age. I even drew maps of areas I'd never been with my Dad so when I did find my family I could show them and teach them about these places.

She was a wealth of information. She taught me how to shoot with a bow and arrow for hunting: "Catch him in the jugular if you can. You don't want to use a gun cause you're wasting bullets and the meat will be tough. That's why people like the meat the Natives bring and me. It's not all buckshot and rough." She made us say a prayer to the "Ancestors" for providing the food and thanking the beast we killed so we could live. Most of the time the prayer quelled my crying but I never shot or ate bunnies. She taught me how to use that bow and arrow to defend myself: "If you have to use a gun use it for close combat. I'd prefer a knife or Kunte myself. But if you use your bow, catch that bastard right in the throat. He can't warn nobody but the devil." She told me so many wonderful and useful things.

She also told me about the bad, the evil that people do to each other. I understood why she was her very own one-woman clan; she was free that way. Everything in the world wasn't like it used to be, people trying to live with each other and be friendly. She told me her grandparents spoke of a time when we all tried as human beings. We still do but there are more that try harder to survive. There is a constant vibe of paranoia and suspicion that has clans joining other clans but not much mixing or sharing culture very often. When the Mega-Flu wiped out more than half of the planet's total population, many withdrew and decided the survival of their race would depend on merging with others of their "own kind". Instead of letting each group live in peace, propaganda was spread by unknown militant groups about dangerous Black Raiders and thieves, causing an already lawless land to kill innocent Black families, traders, and people who were lost and confused after the war. In turn, Blacks created clans that fought back and attacked anyone who wasn't Black or those who sympathized with an agenda that wasn't theirs.

She told me that even after the war there was much more killing by Earth's citizens, of each other. Eventually people realized that Raiders came in all shapes and sizes but it was too late, the damage on all sides was done.

The World Army still exists to "police" what it can. Major highways, certain urban areas, borders; many people will tell you that they are worse than the Raiders in most cases. Rape is still used as a weapon, the World Army Police might help you if they can but a there are a few times when they will turn a blind eye to get a piece of the action.

"America ain't the country it was when my parents were alive, little girl," she would warn, "your blonde hair and pretty blue eyes will not help you at all in a situation like that. When you see an opening with a dude, what do you do?"

"Kick him in the nuts!"

"Then what?"

"Be the ghost."

She told me horror stories. I don't think they were meant to traumatize me (although she did scare the crap out of me) but to get me to understand the gravity of the world I live in. We had fun on our mountain oasis but there was danger that lurked in the shadows. I couldn't take that for granted.

I was to receive a test a week after my 11th Birthday.

"I'm going away -- it's going to be for a while."

"You're not taking me with you."

"You know how to do things around here. You know how to track, look for your family in the morning… If you find them just put a plate on the table so I know nothing happened to you."

"Where are you going?"

"Try not to make too many fires during the day, there's enough smoked meat so you don't have to go the smokehouse. Put the traps down at night and you know how to arrange them when you leave the house, aight?"

"Why can't I go too?"

"It's very dangerous, Khyra, and you're too little." She grabbed my arms and looked me straight in my eyes. "If everything works out when I go again you can go with me. If it doesn't work out…"

"You can't just leave me alone! You have to come back! Or DON'T GO!"

"Stop acting up, little girl. Check it out, you have your calendars, mark off 30 days. I will be back by the end of those days. If I don't see you then that means you found your Daddy. Don't forget to put the plate in the middle of the table so I know nothing happened to you."

"What about if something happens to you?"

"Then your family got some place to stay."

"I don't want you to go."

"Khyra, I need you to be strong, OK? How am I supposed to trust you to keep my house straight if you're acting like this? I wanna know my house won't be burnt down when I come back. Man up, aight?"

"I'm not a man," I told her. I was almost inconsolable. A calm took over my young body that made me determined to not let her down. I "manned up" and assured her that I would hold down the fort until she returned.

The layout of her small compound was quite remarkable and effective. There weren't many sieges because of the system she created. Metal traps placed in varying positions kept unwanted company away from our front door. In the past, she informed me, she would come out to find the stump of a Raider who decided an ill advised sneak attack or on occasion the entire person would be attached. Most of the time, the person would be so grateful to be set free she'd never see them again. Unfortunately, there were those who wanted vengeance for their damages and, well, she made sure she'd never see them again.

There was a very important well that her clan built a shelter around making it look like an ordinary outhouse. She said that they'd consulted with an Apache dowser to dig the well right where it's located now. It was her mother's idea to build the shelter around it and until this day, it's fooled many a person. There's not much call for manners in terms of bathroom etiquette in the world I live in so those who actually made it to the cabin walk right by the most valuable thing there, a clean water source. The real outhouse (the shelter the sled rests against so I can tell the difference) is further away, not on the same "line" as the well. Closer to the cabin but elevated out of the reach of bears is the meat house. Anything we smoke or cure in someway goes up there -- we get to it by a ladder her father made. Underneath that is a trap door that goes down to a refrigerated pantry, a ladder is needed for that too. Nature cools the preserved fruits and remedies underground. So far we've had no bears discover that treasure either.

I didn't look for my clan while she was away. I couldn't. I was just too scared and the truth was, I didn't want to look without her. It was during this time that she'd tell me what she remembered about the time before me, about her family and she'd listen to me go on and on about mine. Even the stories Uncle Jeff told me, she'd listen intently. God help her if she asked me a question, that was at least two more stories added to the already long story I was telling. There was the occasional, "Quiet." I'd pipe down so quickly it was as if I sucked the words right out of the air. We'd stand there frozen in place listening for friend or foe. When it was determined safe to move I picked up right where I left off. I missed that very much while she was gone…

I'd developed a new routine so I didn't go crazy waiting for her. I laid the traps, stalked game -- beetles actually, practiced covering my trail, read my books, and studied my maps all within a 60-foot radius of the cabin. That was just the first two days. When I developed the courage to do more, maintaining the 60-foot parameter, time flew by before I knew it.

The 30-day mark came and went and she wasn't back. After day 32 I, in all my 11 year-old wisdom, decided that I would look for her. I looked over my maps and had no idea where to start but I knew I had to find her. Who was going to help me find my Dad? What if I was out looking and found my Dad in the process? My mind was abuzz with confusion but set on going out in the great unknown to find my only friend in the world.

Day 33, bags packed and ready to go, she walks in the door as if she never walked out of it. I was so relieved I thought I would faint.

"You moving or something?"

I ran to her and squeezed as tight as I could.

"C'mon, little girl, you're gonna break my ribs," she said as she mussed my hair.

I punched her in the stomach.

"OW! What the-?"

"You said 30 days! I counted!"

"Did I? I didn't say give or take some time?" she smiled. She was making fun of me and I didn't care, it was so good to have her back.

"I got you something too." She went through her pack and pulled out a machete. The handle was a beautiful dark wood; there were 11 "ticks" carved in it.

"Keep the proper count now. When your 12th comes along you carve that in yourself, aight? You can help me with the big game, cutting it up and everything. Then when we trade it you can get some profit and get yourself those little treats you like."

"And sweet oils?"

"What's the rule on that?"

"Only in the house."

"You got it then. Sweet oils. I'll even show you how to make some. But on your 12th. And we'll go into the city too."

The city! It was a big deal going into the city, a very dangerous very big deal.

Up here in the mountains and even down in the valleys we had our problems but we also had the land. The thing about Raiders, or anyone else for that matter, is they liked to stay in what they claimed as their territory. They would attack camps but if the clan got a head start on them, there was only going to be so far they would pursue. This is the reason why Raiders kidnapped, it added to the size of the Raider clan and it persuaded other clan members not to run for fear they would never see their loved ones again. Most of the time they wound up joining the Raiders. Another thing about being up here is the frequency with which one can acquire ammunition. If you're not in the Army Police you're not going to have the access that they do. People have guns but knives and clubs are the weapons of choice. Bullets are very expensive so people tend to use them towards taking down big game. Only when there is an emergency, like defending your family against invaders, or if you are the one invading will you hear gunshots. Except if you're in the city.

Ammunition is expensive in the city too but from the stories my Uncle Jeff told, and from what I could glean from her, people have the resources to afford it. If not, they make their own. It's a self-contained, self-sustaining place. The Army Police barely passes through the city, unless it's for recreation or when there are rumors of a coup. My Dad NEVER took us to the city and always warned about ever going there. Even Uncle Jeff, with all his bluster, looked quite weak and scared when he spoke about the city.

It was my 12th Birthday and we were heading straight for the place. She wasn't afraid, my scar faced super heroine -- not of the city anyway. Her concern was more on the route she chose to take. She began to have second thoughts about taking me but I reminded her that she promised and I was much better, after 3 years, with my self-defense skills. Besides, I had Marva. On my 12th as I carved my notch in the handle of my machete, I decided to name mine just as she named hers. I'd take it everywhere, this way my mother would always be with me, protecting me.

The road was always dangerous when you had goods you were going to trade and she had the goods. If you came across some corrupt Army Police they might take everything or Raiders who set up camps along the road would. There was always the possibility of running into Nationalists, be they Black or white or even Native tribes. She never seemed to have problems with the Native tribes and when we'd visit different Trade Post areas, the Black Nationalists left us alone. Of course she told them that I am Black -- a mulatto she called me… There was always one older Black woman who would look at me and shake her head in disapproval.

"I know that is a Pure D. White girl you got there," the old woman would whisper to her each time we came to trade.

"Why you always have to pick at me when we come in here?"

"Babygirl, I'm just saying to ya. She's young now but you can't bring her 'round here when she gets older. Besides which, you better watch your back cause she's going to stab you in it the minute she gets the chance. They're all the same young or old."

Since I'd been with her, I'd never seen The Aryans but she knew of them and treaded ground carefully when it came to them.

"You'd be alright," she told me once, "they'd kill me and raise you as one of their own." I thought when she told me, they'd have to kill me as well because I'd never go with them.

We had two sleds full of meat, preserves, skins and stuff in boxes she wouldn't tell me anything about. I had to drag meats et al, she dragged the boxes. I didn't know how we were to make it to the city with two sleds piled high with stuff but she assured me we would.

As day turned to night and we were still walking and pulling our sleds she stopped abruptly.

"Stay right here and don't move," she commanded. She disappeared behind a large rock and went down into a clearing surrounded by trees. I could also see that she was walking quite deliberately. She was walking around bear traps! She cleared away traps and the boughs, twigs, and debris mound. What appeared before my eyes left me in astonished wonder. It was dark, indeed, but I saw a truck!

As she hurried back up to where I stood guard she grabbed the sled and told me to follow her.

"We gotta do this quickly, Khyra. Load it up and roll it out."

My senses were on overload, I was excited beyond all measure. It was a secret mission and I was a part of it, an important part. I gained the strength of 10 men as I helped load the Suburban truck full of our goods. So this is how she was able to bring back so much stuff in such a short period of the time from the city? Now we'd be able to bring back twice as much because she had me to help her with the sleds.

She sat me in the back seat and told me to lie down. Only then did I realize the necklace she wore was the key to start the vehicle.

"Stay down, little girl. You can move a bit if you like but when you feel the truck slow down, you stay down and you freeze, aight? Do not move, do not peek, do not nothing, ya dig me?"

"Yes." I kept telling myself, I was on a secret mission and I was an important part of that mission. I was not going to blow it.

She went around the side of the truck for a few minutes. When she returned to the inside I smelled a hint of gasoline. Who was this wonderful hero? My best friend who had trucks and gasoline? Who was this wonderful person who takes me on a special mission to the city? She started the engine and we were on our way. I clutched Marva tight.

It was hard to tell how long she'd been driving; it had to be a while because she asked me to tell her one of Uncle Jeff's stories. I could tell over the years that she wasn't very fond of Uncle Jeff so I refrained from sharing his more "colorful" anecdotes. It was during a tall tale about bears that she stopped me.

"Freeze. Don't move, Khyra."

"Yes," I whispered.

I heard commanding voices, male voices. It was the Army Police.

"It's rather late. You traveling all alone on the road, uh, Miss?"

"Seeing how it's gonna be morning soon, some people would say I'm early," she replied.

"A fuckin' smartass? O'Riley, I think we need to check this vehicle -- thoroughly."

"Bobby, chiiiillll," the first voice said. "This the chick I was telling you about. Yo, Baby, what you got?"

"Sheeit, I shouldn't have shit cause your friend is disrespectful."

"Girl, calm it down. They just been stationed here, not as much action as they used to, ya dig? But I know you gots some treats that we CAN dig, right?"

"You know it, Bruh."

She got out of the truck and opened the back of the truck. I could hear boxes being opened.

"Holy -- is that mountain grown? My god, we can make a fucking bundle! Damn, I thought only the Indians got this shit. Bobby you've got to come see this!"

"Yo, Bob, man, stop sniffing around the truck and come check this out."

O'Riley and the "First Voice" were negotiating for some of the meat too. By negotiating, I mean they were telling her how much they would take. She'd planned for this theft and packed the "pretty good" cuts in hiding places. She said that they would expect us to hide the best cuts of meat, the best preserves, all the best in the nooks and crannies. But everything that is really the best you place in plain sight. No one will touch it.

Suddenly the tarps that kept me hidden were pulled off of me.

"What the fuck do we have here?" Bobby, a sweaty, shifty-eyed man with greasy black hair and hints of a moustache, was leering at me as if he found the grandest prize.

"Slim your friend is some kind of pervert or something?"

"What the-?" Slim (the "First Voice") looked surprised to see me, as did O'Riley.

"Why she's just a little girl," O'Riley said and began to turn very red. He continued, "I don't care how fucking good this weed is, and no offense Slim, but I'm not letting some Black pervert just…"

"No offense? So if she was a 'white' pervert we get our shit and let her roll?"

She became very angry, "If one of you limp dick muhfuckas call me a pervert one more time! Matter-of-fact, put my shit back in my truck cause I'm leaving!"

"Chill, chiiiillllll," Slim said returning order to the situation. "I know you cool so that's the end of this stupid shit NOW!"

"I'm sayin', Slim, this is like my daughter. We had been looking for her father. You wouldn't have happen to see any people like her coming through these parts?"

"She an Aryan?"

"No! I'm mulatto."

"Girl, you the lightest mu-"

"I'm mulatto," I said carefully watching Bobby who hadn't gone to the back of the truck when Slim told him to.

"OK, you a mulatto. I can dig it. Well just for the sake of answering a question, only, uh, mulatto folks I seen around here has been Raiders. The Aryans thought they'd try and test us -- they FAILED!" Slim laughed gales of loud barking laughter. He continued, "Yo it was funny though. Thought they caught the kid slippin'. And then there's these mulattos," he pointed to O'Riley and Bobby then laughed some more, "Right here. Those the only people. You should check some Raider camps, you never know. They are getting bigger these days. How old are you, mulatto girl?"

"I'm on my 12th," I answered not taking my eyes off Bobby who hadn't taken his eyes off me.

"Come help me with the stuff, Khyra." I could hear in her voice that she was watching Bobby too.

"I'd check the Raider camps," O'Riley said. He seemed to be satisfied that I wasn't being taken advantage of and happily loaded the contraband in the Police Jeep. His red hair and freckles danced as he looked at the bricks of weed.

"Mountain grown; and actual fresh meat. No more of that spoiled ground stuff. At least temporarily, huh Bobby?"

I started out of the truck on the side closest to Slim -- away from Bobby's leering gaze. Suddenly there was a hand on my head, pulling my hair and me in the opposite direction.

"The girl stays with us."

"The hell she does."

"Man," Slim said brushing Bobby off, "stop fucking around and get this shit in the Jeep."

"The girl is staying with us," Bobby said pulling me closer.

"Soldier, I told you she ain't no child molester! Now you turn over her daughter and load this fucking Jeep up and I MIGHT forget the fact that you being real insubordinate right now."

"Nah, Slim," she said as she pulled out a sawed-off shotgun, "this muhfucka is the pervert. Let her go." There was a look in her eyes -- I knew at that moment that she killed someone before. She would kill again.

"Holy shit!" O'Riley had his rifle trained on her. "LOWER YOUR WEAPON, MA'AM!"

"Red, stand down!"

"But, Sir, she-"

"I said stand down. Bobby, let that little girl go and I ain't gonna tell you that shit again!"

"Fuck it, we can smoke this bitch, take everything in the truck and keep the girl. She's probably going to the city to sell her anyway. She's a virgin! We can keep her for ourselves."

Before anyone could answer, I swung around out of Bobby's grasp. I remembered what she'd taught me, swung my leg with a full force round house kick to the nuts. As Bobby fell like a ton of bricks, I ran around the truck toward her.

Red thought Bobby had been shot, and to my horror, he'd drawn on her, ready to fire.

"NO!" I threw Marva as hard as I could at Red. She made a boomerang arc and connected with Red's bicep. He dropped the gun and hit the ground, writhing in pain.

BANG! Slim shot him dead. We both looked at Slim, shocked by what happened.

"I don't need no weaklings on my team. 'Sides, I ain't like that Black pervert shit."

"YOU BITCH! YOU-" Bobby was pissed. He jumped her so quickly Slim, couldn't get a clear shot.

They struggled on the ground, him on top pummeling her in the face, she blocking his attempts. The shotgun was out of her reach so I ran for it, planning to toss it to her once there was an opening. I saw him make a motion behind his back and realized he'd pulled out a very large shiny Bowie knife. He reached his hand in the air like he was grabbing for special power to fill this menacing blade before he plunged the blade deep and beyond her chest. I pulled the trigger before he got the chance.

I woke up with Slim standing over me so I pointed the shotgun at him and clutched tighter.

"Hey, hey now, Li'l Mamma, it's your buddy, Slim. Just chiiilllllll."

I began shaking uncontrollably but continued to clutch the shotgun firmly.

"OK, OK," he said calmly, "just get yourself situated. You blew that muthafucka's wig back! And that's good. They was suckas anyway I don't need no suckas, OK?"

"Is he dead?"

"That's right and your girl is fine because of you. Now look, you hand your buddy Slim that rod."

I clutched it tighter and sat up. I never took my eyes off of Slim.

"OK, 'Shottie'. You keep that then. But you better bulk up a little more if you plan on handling that as your weapon. You was pretty good with that machete."

"Khyra!"

"She just had a little blowback lettin' off but she's nice, Baby."

She took the shotgun away from me and hugged me very tightly.

"You OK, Khyra?"

"No." I squeezed her back. I didn't want to kill that disgusting man but I didn't want him to kill her either.

"Look, here, Shottie," Slim was apologizing, "I'm sorry you had to witness such a tasteless display of manhood. All guys ain't like what you saw but you got to remember that some guys are. And we got each other's back right? Right?"

The shakes were beginning to subside. Slim went to his Jeep and came back with a leather holster.

"Now you got to grow into this, it's a cannon. This .45 is gonna make sure that you have your girl's back and my back too. Plus ammo for this is not that difficult to get. Cause I hope to see y'all again -- this trip has been very generous, huh? Sheeeit more for me!

"Hey don't you bitches think you just gonna leave me with these bodies and all this stuff to pack up by myself either."

She carried me to the car and sat me in the front seat so she could help Slim clean up the mess we all made. I shook my head thinking, why can't people just leave others alone? Why can't they be like Slim?

After she helped fill his Jeep with the extra goods and product, Slim, called for back up.

"Ladies, it was grand. You better skedaddle cause I got some boys coming and they ain't the pussies laying in the road over there."

"Thanks, Slim. I'll see ya again."

"That's alright, Baby. What about you, Shottie?"

"You're nice. We'll see you again."

"Well alright. Hey, Baby, I gotta tell it's not good news up there. The road is out and the only way to get back on the main highway is to cut through Aryan country. I'd escort you but these guys coming are buy-the-book muthafuckas."

"We'll be alright, Brotha. Thanks for everything."

"Thank you for real. And you take care Shottie. Remember, you ain't do nothin' wrong that won't make you strong."

We rode up the dark path for a while in silence. She didn't know what to say to me and I had no idea what to say either. How do you reconcile a 12 year-old kid killing a man?

Clearly it had been as if she were reading my thoughts because she finally broke the silence by saying, "It was self-defense. It's not your fault it's mine. I should've never brought you out here. Next time you stay or I let you stay at a Trade Post or something. You shouldn't have to go through this."

"I'm a big girl now and I'm not going to stay with strangers. You promised to take me and you exercise with me everyday so I can be safe. You're stuck with me until we find my Daddy. Besides, you promised not to leave me alone again."

"OK." I could see moisture in her eyes. She was scared for me. If only she knew how terrified I was of losing her. Bobby was a creep I didn't want to shoot but if I had to do it all over again, I would have shot him in the nuts instead of in the chest. Either way, I would have shot him.

We were both too young to have to go through this.

"You like Slim?"

"He's cool."

"Yeah. So when we're on the road or when we're out in the city, I'll call you 'Shottie' too. That aight with you?"

"Fine."

"You know, just so people aren't too familiar and try to start pin-pointing stuff."

"How did you get your scar?"

She looked at me, sighed, then cast her eyes back on the road ahead of us.

"It's a story."

"We have time."

We got off the road we were on, turned left on to a more gravel filled street and headed straight into Aryan territory. Surprisingly enough, there were no problems passing through. In fact, we were the only ones on the road so she told me her story.

"I kissed a girl…"

Chapter 5

It's funny how particular settings trigger certain thoughts and imaginings.

At 16 years of age I was a veteran, traveling out of our mountain abode down to the chaos of the city. I'd seen more of Slim who proved to be wonderful, if not a bit of a shady character. He'd even given us his famous World Army Police escort when traveling through Aryan country was becoming a dangerous risk. I hadn't killed anyone since Bobby but Marva and I did a lot of liberating stupid people from their extremities. I was also living up to the moniker Slim bestowed on me that night.

My body was changing. I was no longer the gangly "little girl" (although that didn't stop her from calling me a little girl from time to time) she found freezing in a lake that fateful day. I'd developed breasts and hips, which Slim had no trouble commenting on. Everyone else seemed to notice except her.

We still slept in the same bed together -- she slept, I tried to. Every night I'd squeeze her arm as I snuggled in beside her. The arm that was my surrogate teddy bear became the arm I longed to hold me. And if she did turn in the night and her arm fell over me, my body would betray my inner desire and I'd start to shiver. Or my nipples would get hard. She mistook these as signs of me being cold, ask me if I was, and squeeze me tighter worsening the problem.

I wracked my brain trying to figure out why she didn't notice me as others did and came to the conclusion that it was because I wasn't old enough. I'd decided that on my 18th I would kiss her -- I would make love to her. I wasn't going to have another restless night on that bed alone.

It was a plan that would never be. And as I sat in the driver's seat with her (I drive now too) waiting for "the signal" so we could pull in the garage and unload the goods, I thought back to her story.

She kissed a girl…

"I'm a Black Nationalist. Well, I was -- my parents were. Back when some things were fucked up instead of everything. Like this weed we have in the back of the truck, did you know it was illegal to transport or trade this at one time? It's true.

"My folks and some friends of theirs watched the climate of the country. They saw that people were going to start being really mean to each other and they were looking for scapegoats. They tried it with the Muslims but, at the time, the power the Muslims had was gasoline. Back-in-the-day people didn't walk as much as we do now. They used trucks, cars, and jeeps for going just about everywhere. Once in a while, when you look up in the sky and hear a loud noise what do you see? A big Army Police plane, right? Well private companies used to own hundreds of them, planes, and they used to fly all the time. What did they use to for fuel? Gasoline.

"My parents and their friends were having dinner our house once and they broke it down. Who has the least to offer in technology, science, mathematics or education period? Folk. Who has the worst in health and diseases? Folk. Who has the greatest proportion of people in jail, particularly for homicide? Folk. They realized early that the root causes for all the racism, disparities in the educational system, sounded like a Liberal handbook to those who were angry and wanted immediate actions to be taken.

"So my parents and their friends pooled money together and bought some land in the South, which was called Mexico at the time, and they got some land up in the mountains -- North.

"They embarrassed me, you know. Not all the time. I loved them very much. It was all the war talk and fear and, 'get prepared!' that bothered me. It was the making me talk to other kids my age about this that bothered me. I was only five at the time; did you know that? My whole making normal friends was, pretty much, kicked out the window. The weirdoes seemed to love me because they had no friends in the first place.

"Just before my summer break from school some social workers visited the house and threatened take us away from our parents. One of the children in my class was terrified by some of the things I was reciting he practically ran home to tell his mother. So the angry mother came to our house ready to curse out my folks until she saw my father. My mother hadn't gotten home yet and I sat and watched her pathetic attempts at flirting with my Dad who was having no parts of it. When my Moms came back home the woman was more brazen with her shit -- my Moms just laughed. If only she would've cursed the lady out, but she couldn't she just laughed at her. The lady called the social workers, the social workers threatened to take us away, and at the beginning of autumn we headed up North. Like the ghost…

"It was brewing the whole summer. Typical. Some rich white kid wanted to 'ghetto safari' and hung with a bunch of tough gang cats that were all Folk. Anyway, the conflict came when there was a raid on the Folk's turf. White boy was there, with a gun in his possession. He shot at the cop, who was Folk, and the cop shot him. Dead. Now, here's where it gets tricky. His unarmed groupie/super-fan surrendered with his hands up. A white cop, who rightfully had his homeboy cop's back, shot the groupie. Dead. Both these kids had credentials, affluence and snotty parents -- all that. Guess which cop got the jail time, kicked off the Force, and lost his pension? You got it, the cop who was Folk. It sent the message that no matter where you are or how much dough you have, Folk, Black folks, niggers, what ever you want to call it, ain't shit. A white cop shoots an unarmed rich Black kid and the cop is justified in killing him. An armed white kid shoots at a cop, who's basically a nigger with a badge, and it's off to jail the nigger cop goes. It was fucked up.

"Needless to say a lot of the same people who labeled my parents and their friends 'nut jobs', came knocking the doors down to get in on this community thing. By that time they were too late. We'd already disappeared and fortified in the woods.

"I had to tell you that because the place where we are now is not the original spot we were at. The place we are now was like a little family getaway that became a home. Where we were originally was a compound that my parents and four other families founded. They bought the land and some livestock and planted gardens. As a little kid it seemed spacious and it was. See, this was like a beacon for a limited few who needed to be with like-minded people. The families were very discriminating. They were also very well informed of what was happening in the outside world.

"Rumors of war seemed more palatable with each day -- anarchy was coming. We knew that first hand because several white militias attacked our little oasis. Man, my Dad, sheeit! My Moms was worse! They was trying to hurt her babies and she wasn't having it. They came with guns and we returned in force. Those white boys were absolutely shocked! They would've come back with more guns but the armies of the world (and some slimy politicians) decided a world war was a lot better enterprise. Funny thing about it though is that things were worse when The End War was over.

"The Word Army Police hadn't been formed and we were fighting for four years after The End War. We also had a lot of Folk that found our compound and they were ready to work. More importantly, they were ready to fight. Unfortunately, the founding families became less discretionary.

"My family knew I liked girls, they called it 'lesbian'. I called it, 'I like girls.' No one had problem with it because, honestly, there was far more important shit to worry about. We had operatives trying to get in and sabotage the place, we had people trying to steal our food and supplies and we had very angry whites that didn't think we should have land or guns or the peace we were trying to create without them.

"So when I started spending more time hanging around Lana like a little puppy dog, their main concern was that my chores were done and my eyes stayed open. I fulfilled my responsibilities and my nose was more open than my eyes. I was 13 and Lana was 15 but she liked me. Lana was my first everything: love, crush, kiss… She was beautiful. Her hair was soft thick dreadlocks and her skin was like a caramel color, a rich caramel even in the dead of cold ass winter. She had hazel eyes and full lips -- she had some other full places too. She was a woman to me even if she was on her 15th. Lana told me I was beautiful which made me love her even more. I never thought I was all that hot. Guys in my grade school classes told me about the girls they liked and I was never on any of their lists. I was the 'homie'; I was cool not kissable. But to Lana I was kissable. So when she said it, no one could convince me that it wasn't true. We smiled at each other, she watched me train and we held hands a lot. There was sexual tension but we didn't act on any of it.

"One day, the Devereauxs came to join us.

"We had a couple of gay dudes in the community and one gay couple. In fact, the couple, Imhotep and Shabazz, was our best shooters and strategists. Before The End War they played shooting games for fun. Between my Dad, his best friend Lewis, and Imhotep and Shabazz we damn near crushed half the white militias terrorizing the Indians and other Folk in the mountains. Whatever anyone's personal beliefs, nobody had a bad look or word for the 'homosexuals' in the compound.

"Until we let the Devereauxs in.

"The father was a Pastor, the bitchass son was a homophobe wrestling with his sexuality, and the weak willed mother was a woman compliant with everything her hypocrite husband had to say. The whole family was fucked up and Lana knew it from the moment she saw them let on the property.

"The Pastor started whispering here and there about the moral implications of having 'faggotism' in 'our' community. The nigga hadn't been there for a week and all of a sudden he's talking like he'd been there for years. He used me and Lana to solidify his spew, 'How can we remain strong Folk with the disease of the paleface spreading through our midst?' he would say. 'Look at your babies; the disease is going to get them too. Then who will we have to build the nation if they turn to each other?'

"People didn't really listen to the man. Let me clarify that, the regular people didn't listen but he got to a couple of members on the Executive Council. My parents and their friends set up the EC when they founded the community to keep everyone in check. The two single gay dudes, like everyone else, pulled their weight -- but they were single and easy targets for Devereaux.

"I hated them, especially the creepy son, Davon. He was 18 and kept sniffing after Lana, making my boo very uncomfortable. I wanted to stab that nigga with a tree trunk or something, anything, to keep him away from my girl.

"But then I got some great news from one of the gay dudes, Rodney. He told Lana and me that Davon had secretly propositioned him and that he'd been sucking off Rodney for days. They'd go to a secret spot, our secret spot, and fool around as much as they could. There was the one time we actually saw them, Davon just plowing away in Rodney like he was a Chihuahua humping a Great Dane. We had to quietly slip away so we could go somewhere to laugh hysterically. He was such a loser. A skinny, sick twisted, piece of shit that I no longer had to worry about. Lana and I could be as we were.

"He raped her. He saw us one day engaged in the first kiss I'd ever had (she kissed a boy before) and broke up a wonderful moment. He was furious, screaming at me that I was some kind of demon that would drag her to Hell if I didn't stop hanging around her. She laughed at him and calmly announced she would marry me if I wanted her, once we got old enough. She also told him she would NEVER be with him before placing the nail in the coffin, 'Besides, everybody knows that you're Rodney's boyfriend.' He lunged at her with fire in his eyes, like he was going to kill her. I stopped that with a swift kick in his nads. Soon as he dropped he tried to get back up and my fist connected with his nose. I broke my finger but his nose was broken too.

"Two days later, when she was changing a filter in one of the water storage units, he pinned her in a corner and raped her. She told me and I told my family. I was so hurt for her, I felt helpless… My brother and sister found him and beat that muhfucka within and inch of his life. Of course the Pastor called for an immediate community meeting.

"That slick -- he was so slick. He said the rape of Lana was necessary because Rodney molested his son. His son was only trying to establish his manhood while making a proper undefiled woman out of Lana. Because of him she wouldn't be doomed to be a dyke. He talked about the warnings he made that no one heeded and this is why everything was happening. He gave such a speech, justifying rape of all things, that the EC met that very night. They decided that Rodney had to go immediately. I was outraged and yelled at the adults that we saw Davon having sex with Rodney and it didn't look like he didn't want to. I looked at my parents who were so disappointed that this stranger and his family were allowed to disrupt our way of life. Lana's family, my family, Rodney, Imhotep and Shabazz, and three other families left the community out of protest at the decision. We stayed at Imhotep and Shabazz's mini fortress they left before moving to our community.

"After some time my parents thought we'd worn our welcome (even though Imhotep and Shabazz would have loved for us to stay) so we headed to the humble abode you and I stay in now. Lana and her family stayed behind with them, which meant I got to learn the area by going to visit my love.

"Shabazz asked my parents if I could travel to the city with him, he was going to get munitions and some other things he couldn't get from the Apache. My parents were reluctant but my Dad gave me Kunte Kente to take with me. That and the fact he told my older sister to come. And he insisted that he would personally escort us to the highway. Back then cars were useless because the roads were crowded with them, especially the ones with computers in them. The EMP disabled most cars. The older models, although they worked, couldn't maneuver around the newer ones that were stuck.

"So we walked to the city not knowing we were being followed. We were right outside city limits when some Aryans ambushed us. While we fought for our lives the sneaky muhfucka, Davon, snatched Lana and ran toward the direction of the city. I learned later, that the day we all left the community he did too. He'd been watching us like the snake he was and he went to the Aryans telling them of all the ammo and food we had. He told them where to find us and how to ambush us. And there we were, fighting, determined to take as many of them with us to the grave. I had my sights on the traitor.

"I swung Kunte Kente chopping at anything and anyone who didn't look like Folk. I was hot on Davon's trail, which was getting shorter because of Lana's kicking, scratching, and slapping that bastard. She wasn't a withering flower - she had fight!

"I had a clear shot to throw Kunte right between his shoulder blades when I was tackled. Three Aryans had me pinned and all I could hear was Lana screaming, 'NO! DON'T TOUCH HER! I'LL KILL YOU!'

"You should know that a woman is never too much nigger for some man to force his dick in her. I was on my 14th so age ain't a factor for men either. No matter how much the Aryans talked about Folk being beneath them, we were never so far below that they didn't want to fuck our women any chance they got -- even in the midst of a battle.

"The fat one that had me pinned underneath him was bleeding; Kunte had touched him in a way that he didn't like. 'You want to share? Hah, honey? You're too young to be playing with knives. You need to play with men, honey. You need to share some of that sweet black pussy, that's what you can share,' is what this guy said. Then he said he would take care of me and make sure no one else but him was going to touch me. So he took out a knife, I don't know it came out of nowhere, and cut me in my face. It's the scar you see today.

"Lana screamed so loud I thought somebody cut her too. Through the red haze I saw the fat boy struggling to take off his pants. When he got them down below his thighs his fat purple dick was at attention, ready for me. Before I passed out I heard a clap of thunder and half of the fat boy's face was missing; he dropped to my side and Lana's pretty face was hovering over mine, calling to Shabazz to help her…

"That's it. I loved a woman, some sick bastard saw me loving her and he took her away from me leaving me scarred and alone. Yeah. Because of his treachery Aryans overran my family's home where Imhotep, Lana's people, and my people were slaughtered -- my brother got away. My sister was killed protecting Lana and me but Lana got shot right after she shot the fat boy. I didn't know any of this until I woke up from the stitches. Shabazz took me to a drag queen Madame who had the best hands for surgery in the land. Shabazz told me 'she' was the reason I didn't lose sight in my eye. The scar could have been worse and badly infected but Ms. Chichi Coolidge saved me.

"After the terrible news, I stayed in the city for about 3 years, learning a lot of shit, being bitter and depressed, and looking for Davon. I was going to kill him as sure as I live and breathe today; never did find him.

"Shabazz told me to be very grateful we were lucky to have loved the way we did. He was going East to see that part of the world and invited me to come with him. I wanted to settle my mind and mourn so I headed home.

"Shabazz was right, though. I'm glad I kissed that girl…"

Chapter 6

We had so much bounty, especially the ever popular -- meat! None of the Native tribes had been to the city in months. So Jimmy's Pub, the people we always traded with, was reduced to selling government beef (expensive but poor quality) or meat that Raiders pilfered from others who dwelled in the mountains or the valley regions.

With the escort Slim provided we were able to travel unharmed with a trailer attached to the truck for the order we had to fill.

Nature rebalanced herself despite man's best efforts to wipe everything and everyone off the face of the Earth. We'd seen elk, bison, and wild cows in abundance. We killed what we could cure and transport, working extra days to make sure we had the best skins and leathers. Today was a bonanza. Everyone was very happy, especially with the weed.

Communication was no longer with cellular phones but HAM and CB radios. When Slim got word to Frank, "Jimmy's" brother, that we were coming with a mother load, some of his biggest most ferocious killers were there to meet and greet us while they led cargo to the back alley of the pub.

Frankie couldn't stop beaming; he was going to make a fortune while his competition would be reduced to buying from him to stay afloat for the next two months.

"I LOVE you fuckin' guys! Look at this! Do you know how many of those rich pricks are gonna come downtown? How do you get all this just you two little girls? Huh? Ahh, I don't give a fuck just keep coming to me and I'll take care of you. Anything you want, it's yours."

As his goons unloaded the trailer, Frankie smiled broader, until one of them dropped a jar of cranberry liquor.

"What are you doing? What the FUCK are you doing? Do you want to die? Is that what you're sayin' to me? You want to die?"

Frankie removed his 9mm pistol from a holster that strained to stay around his very rotund figure.

"C'mon, man. Ain't no need for that. We got plenty more in the truck. All this shit is for you. Matter fact, that one is on me, OK? There's plenty, no need to smoke this dude."

"OK, forget it. He's fuckin' lucky I'm such a good guy," he said as clapped his big sausage hand on her shoulder. "I got something for you," he smiled, holstering his gun and grabbing me with his other meaty hand. "I got plenty of bullets for Shottie over here. Why can't you be a good girl and play with dollies, huh?"

"How about you play with yourself, Frank?"

"Only if you join me, Sweetie."

"And how am I supposed to find it, Frank? Hm? There are no telescopes in our truck."

"Crap! Do you see the mouth on teenagers these days?"

She winked at me, "Yeah, Bro, no respect."

"Exactly," he replied. "Go see Ms. Chichi, she's got someone you should meet."

She looked intrigued, "Really?"

"Yep. Says she clean too."

"Aight, when we're finished here, I'll check it out."

"WE'LL check it out."

"Ha ha ha haaaaa. You never know, she might go for that," Frank said.

"You trippin' now Frankie."

"What? I'm just sayin' that Ms. Chichi's friend might like your bodyguard. C'mon, have a sense of humor. Before you go, head to the front of the pub, have a few drinks on me. We'll load the truck. Fresh gas, special toys, and the perfumes you like…"

"Don't forget the spices, Frankie. And make sure you take care of Slim."

"You got it, as much as you want."

When we stepped in the pub it was bustling with excitement. News traveled fast on the streets and people were at Jimmy's to spend their "money". The bartender motioned for us and expressed mock unhappiness when we sat down.

"You bitches are going to make my day a long one, you know?" she said. I knew she'd rather be busy than not. But she was right, the pub was starting to fill up fast and it was going to be a long day.

She leaned over the bar and whispered in the bartender's ear. The bartender, "Teddy", is the lovely Asian woman's name, made a motion like she had a crick in her neck, which signaled "to the left".

"Look, you chill here," she said to me, "Teddy's gonna get you what you want. I'll meet you back here in a few. Relax."

"OK."

"Teddy, take care of her."

"Bitch! You know I will."

I cracked a few jokes with Teddy as she deftly carried on a conversation while she served those clamoring at the bar. Some waved notes, IOUs for payment, while others showed boxes -- the boxes contained some kind of shells in them. Currency, I'd heard, used to be paper but that was absurd and useless now. Survival was the best currency one had to offer so, other than flats, bullets had the highest value. The Natives were allowed to sometimes throw in some high quality arrowheads.

The irony of the current money system wasn't lost on me. She once told me that flats (they used to call them "pennies") were the least valued quantity of money you could have in your pocket. Not today, copper is king now. If you have flats or any type of copper for that matter, you were rich in the city.

I saw Teddy getting busier so I grabbed my drink and headed for a table to unwind. A large freckled house of a woman followed me. Everything was round on her, a big round nose, round lips, and a perfectly round, muddy brown Afro.

I hadn't taken a seat before I heard her say, "Excuse me. Excuse me. You sittin' at my table."

"Sorry, I didn't know." I wanted no trouble with anyone. We'd driven a long way from the mountains. The Aryan route was the quicker way but it was more dangerous to maneuver with a trailer hitched on the back of the truck so we took the scenic route. After sitting so long in the truck I just wanted to kick my feet up and enjoy a good drink.

"Them tables are mines too," she said pointing toward the direction I was going.

"Yeah, I can see why you need so much space."

"What you say to me snowflake bitch?"

It was a direct challenge, which I knew was coming sooner or later. In the city there was no "white" or "darkies", "crackers" or "niggers", "gay" or "straight". There was only "weak" or "strong", "poor" or "rich".

People were mixed at the bar; some were sitting in booths with others. Every once in a while, there were those who came through the city that felt their Nationalist thoughts applied wherever they went. They were always made aware that it wasn't the case here. In the city there was a whole different set of guidelines.

"I said get a blanket, spread it outside, get a tub and pour your shit in there. Once someone hands you a spoon you be set with all the space you need."

There was a collective, "OOOoooo" at the bar. She was embarrassed and charged at me, checking me in the ribs. She was a lot faster than I thought but I was fast too.

I ducked out of the way and hit her in her thighs and knees. She screamed out in pain but would not be stopped. People formed a circle around us and began placing bets. Many bet on the big girl because she was, well, big. Those in the pub who knew me were quite content with placing their money on me -- they were going to make money on the small blonde one.

She slapped me and I slapped her right back. This enraged her and she came at me swinging wildly.

"Duck, Snowflake!"

"OH God she's going to kill her if one of those punches connect!"

"Mo' flats fo' me!"

"Kill her you fat bitch, kill her!"

The crowd was at a fevered pitch. I kept dodging her swings and when there was an opening, I kicked her in the stomach. She fell to the floor like a heap of solid fat.

"Ooooooh," groaned a lot of people in the crowd. They lost money as others cajoled because of their winnings.

"Bigger ain't always better. I told you bet on that little white girl! Hee! Hee!"

I turned around to leave the circle when suddenly a hiss came from behind me.

"Nah! Cheater! You lost!"

The round woman pulled out a stiletto. Everyone was unanimous in their displeasure. A fair fight was a fair fight and no one wanted to see senseless killing. They hissed at her, called her a cheater but most of all they called for her blood.

"Shut the HELL up! C'mon, cracka. Let's see how bad you are now."

I pulled out Marva, to many "oohs" and "ahs", in a fluid arcing motion. Before she knew it Marva was sitting by her neck vibrating with each breath she took. She looked horrified.

Teddy had a double-barrel shotgun pointed at the top of the round girl's head; the barrels buried deep within her round Afro.

"Say the word, Shottie, and this cheater is gone for good."

Her eyes pleaded with me, "round girl" didn't want to die.

"Where is she?"

Teddy knew who I meant and answered, "Second building to your left, fifth floor."

"OK. Give everyone who lost on this bitch a drink. Get her fat ass one too."

I wanted to get away from there and be with her. Some of the losers in the crowd reached out to pat me on the back or shake my hand. They approved of freebies.

"That's how the kids should be now-a-days."

"Thanks a lot, Shottie."

"You lucky she's a good girl," Teddy remarked, "I'd be cleaning your big ass off the floor now, bitch."

I walked out into the heat of the street. People were heading to their respective pubs and whatever vices were happening for the night. The sun always looked so hazy down here and I was ready to go back to the mountains. I wanted the crisp air of the forest. I wanted to lie in our bed near the fire.

Someone lurking in the entrance of Jimmy's interrupted my thoughts.

"That was nice what you did."

"Not really. I didn't want any problems."

"Well maybe I can do something nice for you? Maybe you want to hear a rumor or something?"

I rolled my eyes. In this place there is always a cost for something and I didn't want to be bothered. I started for the building and my solicitor followed.

"Maybe this is a rumor that's just for you."

I sighed. "What's this rumor going to cost me?"

"I hear through the grapevine that some city Raiders decided to take up camp in the hills, not too far up, but up enough."

"Thanks. We'll avoid them on-."

"You don't want to do that."

"Why?"

"See, I have a hobby and-."

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"I have a hobby," he continued, "and if my guys found out they'd laugh me out of a job."

I looked closer into the shadow and saw a familiar face. It was the goon Frank almost killed for dropping a bottle of cranberry liquor.

"I collect things. Sometimes if people owe me flats and they don't have 'em, they'll give me stuff. A buddy of mine happens to be one of the Raiders I told you about. He owes me a lot of flats -- he likes the green. He knows he's into me deep and I have to protect my rep, I have to get something, you know? Either that or I'll have to hurt him bad. He knows this cause he's my buddy. So two days ago he gives me this." He grabbed my hand, opened my fingers, and placed the necklace my mother carved for me before I was born.

"Says he got it from a guy looking for his daughter for the past seven years. My buddy is back in the hills but if you run into him, his name is Garr. Anyway, I notice things and I figure this is a rumor you might like to hear."

I was numb. What just happened?

"How much is this rumor going to cost me?"

"Consider a bottle of cranberry liquor has it paid-in-full."

All this time looking for my father could this Garr person really lead me to him? He was still alive! Was Chet with him? Sara? Uncle Jeff?

I hurried to the building Teddy told me she was in. I wanted us to get on the highway now!

After five flights of stairs I was finally at Ms. Chichi's "humble" abode. She was a very colorful and flamboyant person. Unfortunately some of the actual women around her weren't. She was happy to see me but her best friend, Yolanda, was an entirely different matter. Any other time I would have tested myself in a verbal sparring match with Yolanda but my only thought was leaving the city to find my father.

"Ms. Chichi can you tell her we have to go? It's kind of important."

"Dang! A moment of privacy, please? Nothing's that important. You need to give her some time and space!" Yolanda chimed in.

"Yola, stop. She was not talking to you and you do NOT run things here in MY establishment. Chile, she's in that room there, sleeping. When Nina gets out the shower, she's going back in there anyway. I'll tell her to wake her up, OK?"

It never occurred to me that when we did our runs to the city she would be having sex with anyone. I'm sure on some level I had to know -- as I got older she'd leave me under someone's watchful eye while she disappeared for an hour. Seeing it there, real without doubt, made me angry and embarrassed. I wanted her to be touching me! In the corners of my imagination I thought that others felt there might be something going on between us. But here it was, the full truth exposed -- no one suspected anything like that.

"Wake up who?" Nina asked wrapped in a purple bathrobe. She came closer to where I was sitting and ran her hands through my hair.

"Oooo is this piece of snow for me?" She giggled. I was infuriated and wanted to get the hell out of there. I pulled out my gun and aimed it right at Nina's jaw.

"I have to go," I said through clenched teeth. Nina just giggled again. She put her arm around my waist and pulled me closer to her.

"Mmmm, I like it rough. Don't get me wrong, Sexy Boi back there can do her thang but you just a little spitfire. Girl put your gun down, ain't nothing but lovin' goin' on in here."

"What's she doing?" Ms. Chichi asked from the other side of her room.

"She pulled a gun on Nina!"

"Woo chile, look at you all Xena Warrior Princess! I love you, Shottie, but you put your guns away in my establishment."

I holstered the gun immediately.

"She all mad cause the bug done bit her and she can't get the antidote. It's written ALL OVER your face. And you ain't never gone get it because you don't have the right complexion connection."

"Yola, shut up and leave that chile alone!"

"Yeah," Nina said with her arm still wrapped around me, "before I come over there and shoot you myself."

"Nina, tell that fool her daughter is here," Yolanda said.

She squeezed me tighter and whispered in my ear, "Don't listen to that old bitch. When you're ready come to me, only me, and I'll show you what to do to keep her."

Nina let me go and went to get her. I stood there with the lingering sweet scent of a busty brown woman. I hated Yolanda for exposing me but I hated her more for saying what was a feeling I had brewing in me for some time. It was that moment I knew we would never be together, not because I was too young, but because I wasn't Folk. My heart was breaking in pieces and anger was filling the empty spaces.

Once we were back on the road the truck was filled with my silence. She'd assumed that I was tired so she drove and told me to rest. We'd reached the junction that would ordinarily bring us to a right hand turn but I needed to go left to follow the lead about my father.

"You need to stop."

"What happened? Did you see something?"

"No, I just have to get out."

"Aight."

She pulled over near an area that was lush with tall grass. She assumed that I had to pee so she got out the truck with me to be the look out. Many people get ambushed during bathroom breaks on the road.

I headed to the back of the truck, grabbed my backpack and ammo, and whatever else I could carry.

"They don't respect me, you know."

"Who doesn't respect you? And what the hell are you doing?"

"They just sit around laughing at the little girl!"

"Khyra, what are you talking about?"

I couldn't tell her. I thought she would laugh at me too. Maybe give me some speech about how I was so naïve, how my love for her was trivial because I am just a kid. It only made me angrier and more determined to get away from her. I thought that would be the only way to get the pain to stop.

"I got a solid lead about my Dad. He's still alive."

She smiled. "That's GREAT! Damn, girl, what are we flappin' our jibs for? Let's get on the road and get your Daddy!"

"I'm not your daughter."

"What? Khyra, what's wrong with you, you nervous or something? I get it, after all this time; do you want to do this later?"

"I'm not your daughter and you keep telling everybody that and they don't respect me! And you're not my fucking mother!"

She looked pissed and confused. "What are you saying? You wanna look for your Dad right now or not?"

"I'm going to. But -- but I have to do this by myself."

"Ahhh." I'd hurt her. I could see the pain spread across her face. I also saw defiance -- she wasn't going to shed a tear over me.

"So you have your family back and it's fuck me, huh?"

"That's not it."

"Then what is it, Khyra?"

"We're different and on different paths. My path is going to take me-."

She didn't bother to listen to me finish. I wouldn't have either. I wasn't making any sense. I was hurting and too afraid to say so.

She neatly stacked everything in the truck that belonged to me (along with my share of the profits) on the side of the road. I stood and watched mute, like a child being shown how to write for the first time. She slammed her door shut, revved up the truck and peeled off without a look back. I sat on the side of the road with my bounty hoping someone would ambush and kill me.

Of the neatly packed things she left I took the food, water, and ammo I could carry and left the rest for some lucky bastard to squander. I made a promise to myself right there: I would never abandon another person I loved.

I fastened the silk string I used to mend my necklace around my neck and headed off to find my father. From that point on I became defiant too. I told myself I wouldn't shed a tear for her ever again. As if to seal the deal I spat, rather disgusted, on the dusty side of the road where she left me standing.

I would never get to say I love you.

Chapter 7

He plowed into me, stroke after lustful stroke, grunting and groaning like it was the hardest work he'd done in his life. He whispered some words trying his best to be tender but his urges overcame him.

"Yeah… That's some great cock, huh… You love my cock… Oh god, you're so fucking hot!"

I was tired of this dance so like the times before, I made a couple of squeals of enjoyment and thrust my pelvis at him. He let out growl of ecstasy, convulsed on top of me, and passed out.

I pushed him off, went to the shower room, which was basically a rusty hand pump, to get his stench out of my pores. He'd finally gotten the message not to ask me to cuddle or to kiss me either. He'd been trying to kiss me since my 17th but now at my 19th, he realized the point was moot.

We had rules. He knew my real name and he was never to call me by it. Rule number two, no kissing -- anything! He was lucky he got to touch me at all, no matter how much he professed his love for me.

Garr had known where my father was. In fact, he knew the location of my entire family but he wasn't going to tell me without a price.

I'd been walking aimlessly when she'd driven off. I never even heard the ATVs creeping up behind me. It was Garr and a small crew of Raiders; they'd packed all the stuff I'd left down the road, on their bikes. Each of them had their name painted on the side of their helmet and I could only think to myself, "Such children."

Until I saw Garr's name and I immediately walked toward him bombarding him with questions about my father. He seemed very surprised by such a bold move on my part but was relieved that I wasn't going to kill him. He was more thrilled by each question I asked him because he knew he had information I needed -- I'd given him the upper hand. He told me to get on his bike and we rode to the Raider base.

Once there, I saw that Garr had influence and was probably the 2nd or 3rd toughest guy in the camp, which surprised me because he looked like a total goofball. What was for sure was that he had the ear of the camp "Leaders".

As he rode into camp looking victorious, with me on the back of his bike, I felt the stares of men and women on me. I'd come to a dangerous place.

He grabbed my hand and walked with me to corrugated steel hut. He sat me on a dirty mattress on the floor as he looked for something to pour a drink into.

"So I might know a thing or two about what you asked. But what are you going to do for me in return?"

"How about I don't kill you when I leave?"

He was not afraid. He knew he had me and I would have to give in sooner or later.

"If you kill me, you won't make it out of here alive. And you won't get the information you're looking for, will ya?"

"That's true. Who says I have to kill you immediately? I can cut you up piece by piece. I'll start with your dick first."

"He sure was right about you, Khyra. You are a handful," he chuckled.

I pulled out my gun and aimed it at his temple.

"Where did you hear that name? Don't you ever use that name again if you want to stay vertical."

"I know where they are, Khyr -- I know where your family is. And whether you like it or not you are mine. Your Dad promised me."

"You're crazy, Garr and you sound ridiculous."

"Yes your father, his name is Jonathan isn't it? He promised me if I was able to find his baby alive, she would be mine."

"No he didn't! And YOU didn't 'find' me."

"Yes he did. You know why? Because he knows I'm not such a bad guy, to be a Raider, I'm one of the better guys you'll find. I'm nice and clean -- look at me, I didn't scratch once. My cock isn't in any old bird we run across in our, ahem, travels. There are no critters crawling down there.

"But he knows, most importantly, that if she was still alive, his precious little girl would come looking for him even to the gates of Hell. Well I got news for you Sweetheart, you're on the outskirts and he doesn't want you to burn. He knows I got juice in this camp and it's what keeps his family from getting taken into the woods somewhere and not coming back out the same. If you don't honor his promise, you'll be on your own and there'll be a war for such a pretty young girl like you. Trust me when I say, the guy or girl who wins, won't be a nice guy." His words scared me.

After his speech he took my necklace to let everyone know that I was his. He walked me toward the back of the camp where my father was finishing something on one of the ATVs, Chet was right there by his side.

Garr squeezed my butt and said, "You got 60 days with them. After that you come to me. Got it?"

My eyes were fixed on my father but I nodded my head. I was Garr's property and there was nothing I could do about it. Even if I could escape from here, I'd kicked myself out of my home -- out of her life.

My father looked wirier than he had when I was a little girl. There was something else too, sadness. His face wasn't same. Chet looked like a boy in a grown man's body. He had freckles on his nose and his hair, cut close to his head, turned more of a sandy blonde color than the golden blonde we'd both started out with.

I stood and watched them fix (or destroy) the ATV not noticing someone was watching me.

"Oh my god. Khyra? Is that really you?"

Sara looked like she'd seen a ghost; in a manner of speaking one could say she had. She hugged me so tightly I thought every bone in my body would break.

She brought me to the area where my father and Chet were busy doing things. Dad saw me and stopped. He held my gaze for a moment that seemed like forever. He wanted to believe his eyes but they'd saw so much disappointment before. When he decided he'd give it one more try he me waved toward him.

"So? How ya been, Muffin?"

"Missing you very much."

He hugged me like he would never let me go again. It was the most wonderful feeling that I temporarily forgot I was betrothed to Garr; I actually didn't care. He wanted to cry, there was water in his eyes but in this compound full of people looking for a weakness he didn't dare. Chet was indifferent and grumbled, "Welcome back," as he cursed a bolt for not turning. Uncle Jeff ran as fast as he could from the back of the area screaming, and he cried without care. He introduced me to his son, Kyrin. He was a wide-eyed beautiful boy of seven.

If Dad's deal with the devil I thought Garr to be kept my sweet little cousin safe, I had no choice but to go along with it.

"I named him after you, Khyra. Or should I call you, 'Shottie'? Yeah, news travels and you're a celebrity," Uncle Jeff whispered. "Nobody knows that it's you 'cept ol' Garr. I'm sorry about what we promised… These people -- some are child molesters and nobody will help… People are afraid of Garr - they won't cross him. Nobody fights against Garr or the top guys. Kyrin is safe because, you know…"

"It's alright, Uncle Jeff."

"Hey we heard you were traveling with a Black girl. She's famous too, Natives call her the Black Ghost. That true you saw the Black Ghost?"

"Stop with the questions, Uncle Jeff, we need to finish this," Chet said before I could answer.

"We'll talk later, Uncle Jeff." I turned to Chet, "Is it OK if I talk to my big brother?"

"It would be if I didn't have to finish this. I don't know how much of the stories are true but my advise is keep your head low and do whatever Garr wants. This place is a go'damn zoo and these people are a bunch of animals. Welcome back, Sis."

Not here. I didn't want to be welcomed here.

I made up my mind I was going to leave this place with my family. I didn't know where we would go but anywhere had to be better than where we were.

That of course, didn't happen until three years later.

I noticed that many things changed about my family. Uncle Jeff's transformation surprised me the most. He continued to be a great storyteller but the color line was gone. I always knew Uncle Jeff wasn't that kind of man because my father isn't that kind of man and they are brothers. Uncle Jeff turned out to be the fun caring man I knew he always was and he was one hell of a father. Just like his brother, my Dad.

What worried me was what I saw growing in Chet. He was very protective of Kyrin, even more protective when Folk would pass by or Natives came to say hello. Uncle Jeff let him play with any children that wanted to play in the compound; he thought it best that he have as much of a childhood as he could in a place like this. When it was Chet's turn to keep an eye on Kyrin, only the white children stuck around. It was as if everyone else knew my brother would have a problem and no one wanted any trouble.

I spoke with my father about it and he told me a little of the journey they had after my disappearance.

They looked that entire day for me and at nightfall they came across three Navajo. They saw the despair in my father's face and accepted him (and everyone else) into their camp. Every morning the Navajo would allow the same three scouts who'd found them to go with my father (Uncle Jeff stayed behind to care for a very pregnant Sara) to continue the search for me.

Just a day before they decided it best for them to move the camp, one of the scouts found my necklace. Dad told me he was overjoyed. Until that time he'd been thinking the worst but for some reason he couldn't explain, he knew I was OK when he saw my necklace. He made the decision not to go with the Navajo so he could continue his search.

During their time with the Navajo, Sara's sister fell in love with a scout called Brave Horse. She had her name changed to Morning Thunder and stayed with Brave Horse and the rest of his clan. A disheartened Sara went with Dad, Chet, and Uncle Jeff.

It was Uncle Jeff's idea to join in with the Aryans. He reasoned there would be more security and they would most certainly take in a pregnant white woman and her family. He also told Dad they would be more than happy to look for a blonde haired, blue eyed lost girl. Reluctantly, my father agreed.

The Aryan dynamic is an interesting one. There are those who feel that people of color, especially Folk, were born to serve; they're nothing but two-legged beasts of burden. Whites could be friends with them but the relationship would be one of a master and his pet. Other Aryans felt there should be no interaction, especially between white women and black men. They felt it was the black animalistic nature to devour the purity of the Aryan and pervert his genetics.

The community they'd become a part of had both groups so they actually saw people of color in segregated sections of the Aryan community.

Chet absorbed a lot of the rhetoric, much to the regret of Uncle Jeff. When he heard Chet tell their stories and spout their ignorance word for word, my Uncle Jeff promised my father he would find a way for them to safely exit their surroundings.

A week after the birth of Kyrin would provide such an opportunity.

Sara became friendly with a midwife my Dad called "Curly". She seemed like a very nice woman and Dad liked her because she lifted Sara's spirits, especially with Sara missing her sister so much. Uncle Jeff, on the other hand, had a strange feeling about the woman and he didn't like the way she spoke with Chet. Curly's stories led Chet to believe that he was some kind of ultra-white super hero. Rumors of the "Black Ghost" traveling with a little Aryan girl made for great propaganda in many of the communities scattered about the land. She told Chet the day would come when he would find me and deliver me back in the arms of my proper family.

I didn't realize how famous (and exaggerated) we were until Dad told me that part of the story.

On the day of Kyrin's birth, Sara was having a tough time of it and Curly, not being that good of a midwife was getting scared. Dad says he couldn't tell me what possessed Uncle Jeff to do this but he ran to the Folk quarters where he found an older man. He begged this man to help so the man came into the tent where Sara was straining to bring my cousin into the world.

The old man washed his hands and told my father, Uncle Jeff, Curly and Sara everything he was going to do. He ordered Curly to boil some needles and see if she could scrounge up some thread because it would be needed. He sent Chet out to get some towels and proceeded to commit the cardinal sin in an Aryan community -- he touched a white woman's private parts.

My father assured me that if the old man hadn't helped, Sara and Kyrin could have died. Curly wrapped him up in the towels the old man made Chet fetch. A black woman came back to the tent because she had thread. The old man instructed her where to sew Sara as he mixed something together to stop the bleeding and was, "Good to fight the infections!"

Just as the girl was finished with Sara an Aryan guard walked in. The old man looked between Sara's legs, looked at the girl who sewed her up and said, "That looks real nice." Uncle Jeff went over to the old man to thank him and before he could, five Aryan men came in the tent and whisked the old man and the girl out of the tent.

My Dad says that the rest is a story Uncle Jeff refuses to tell. All he knows is that a half an hour later Uncle Jeff came back to the tent with Curly, furious.

"Why didn't you say anything?! He wasn't looking at my wife in that way! Why didn't you say a goddamn THING?"

"Two gone and two stay. I say something and it's three gone! It's just a couple Darkies. Your people live. OUR people. Live!"

When my Dad asked Uncle Jeff what was wrong he'd only say they killed them. The only other thing he said that day was, "It was horrible, John. We're leaving at the end of the week."

Chet was heartbroken and didn't want to go but they all left in the middle of the night and got captured by Raiders that morning. They were lucky Garr was the "Leader" they spoke to. Sara was able to keep her baby and none of them went through the "initiation" process. Best of all they didn't have to go on pillaging sprees with the other Raiders. The only reason for such light treatment was Garr didn't want me as badly as he wanted to capture the "Black Ghost" -- I was going to be the bait.

Times changed. The "Black Ghost" is a ghost of the past and I satisfy Garr's quest.

There was a dirty snitch in our midst and his scent was a familiar one.

He was the camp's Reverend and a Grade A hypocrite. He would go away for a week, claiming to minister the Word of God, come back and tell the roving parties what camps and clans were located where. When the Raiders went out (as per his guidance) they would never come back empty handed. In fact, some of the bounty (in the form of teenage boys and girls) would be sent directly to the Pastor for a blessing ceremony.

One of the girls who worked the weapons detail told me that the "blessing" you received was actually servicing the Pastor. If you refused then you were at the mercy of the Leaders. Depending who decided your fate "mercy" is not a word one would use. Some girls, and boys too, took their chances with the Pastor. She didn't. She wouldn't tell me what happened only reiterated how lucky I was to belong to Garr.

But I didn't belong to Garr and I was getting tired of hearing whispers about how lucky I was to know him. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be back in my warm cabin reading the books of yesterday, preparing my maps, making cranberry liquor, smoking meats, snuggling during the snow season, driving to the city in the truck -- I wanted to belong to her.

The Raiders came back from the pillage with two girls that looked like they weren't past their 15th.

"More bait for that piece of garbage, Pastor Devereaux," Chet said.

I knew that name. I hadn't forgotten it since the day she told me.

"What did you say his name is?"

"Davon Devereaux," Chet said with a mocking disgust in his voice. "See, that's the difference in this place. If the Aryans knew that nigger was a pedophile, they would've killed him the minute he crossed the gates."

"Don't talk like that, Chet."

"You're a sympathizer for kid rapists, Baby Sis?"

"No. But don't say those kind of hurtful words, OK? Not around me."

"What's going on? You and Uncle Jeff drinking the same water or something? I'll tell you, Sis, ever since we left the Aryans Uncle Jeff's gotten soft."

"He has a son to look after, Chet. And calling names, where does that get you? We're all trying to survive out here."

"I can protect Kyrin. I will damn sure protect him against that nigger freak! And don't tell me how to talk, Baby Sis, I'll talk how I like. I'd've killed him already but the Raiders protect him because he snitches on camps and clans. He's a fucking sell-out, Sis. He'd sell out his own people and he'd give his own mother to the Raiders. That guy deserves to go'damn die."

"I know he does, Big Brother," I said walking toward the Pastor's shanty, "but don't think your precious Aryans wouldn't use him for their own gain."

As I walked toward the shanty that served as the Pastor's church I could only think of Lana. I wanted to take a look at the man who caused so much pain for her -- I wanted to kill him.

A suspicious looking woman, who dragged a young girl by her hair while cursing her ungratefulness, escorted the first victim out of the "church"; she chose not to accept the "blessing".

I walked in on the Pastor about to bestow his "blessing" on the second girl. She was on her knees facing him and he was standing over her, pants down. He placed his hand on the top of her head guiding her toward his eagerly awaiting dick. I cleared my throat.

He saw me and told the girl to get up and come back in 20 minutes. He didn't bother to pull up his pants; he just stood there smiling like a ridiculous clown, penis at attention. Time had been very kind to him, which infuriated me even further. Why shouldn't he look like 50 years of bad road for his wicked deeds? His teeth were a startling white in contrast to his very brown muscled skin. His goatee was well groomed, probably with the best razors given to him for his treachery. I stood there wondering if this was what his sicko father looked like -- kind and compelling in clean black priest's garb while preying on children.

"Are you here to receive a blessing, my child?"

He had a lot of nerve and I wanted to drop him where he stood. "I- I'm sorry. I think I came to the wrong place."

"Do I know you?"

"No. I'm going to leave now."

"Yes, I do know you," he said, stepping completely out his pants walking toward me. "You're Garr's wife. Yes Lord. Garr got lucky, you were supposed to be for me."

The thought that I would have had to go through his initiation repulsed me and I turned to leave.

He grabbed my arm, holding it tightly, pulling me closer to him.

"You need to be nice to me, Khyra. Yes, I know your name, I know a lot of things around here," he said as he started stroking himself. "Garr is trying to be a lamb in the jungle. He won't survive that; there are rumblings and he will be overthrown. Once I'm in the house with the Leaders, I'll have what I want," he squeezed my arm harder, "ANYTHING I want. I know this dick will be much more filling than what you're dining on now. And you will kiss my holy shaft, my child," he took his hand off of his erect penis and pointed his finger at my lips, "with a mouth like a black girl. You're going to kiss me."

Why didn't I bring my gun with me? I pulled my arm out of his grip. He disgusted me and I couldn't wait to get away from him.

"I'm having a service tomorrow, you should come by. You'll want to be blessed by the Holy Word."

I could hear him laughing when I walked away. We had to escape this place. My head was swimming with thoughts on when and where to go. We'd be nomads again but at least we'd be free to roam without the constant weight of fear. I knew there would be obstacles but nothing as heavy as the hopelessness in this camp. Out in the open we could go where we wanted; we could defend ourselves against people like Davon Devereaux instead of turning a blind eye. I wasn't going to have my 20th in this hellhole. I wanted to be free.

When I returned to our shanty, Garr was waiting with Dad. Damn! It seemed like I couldn't catch a break. He had that look in his eyes and lately he'd been talking about children. When he looked at Kyrin he'd remark how fortunate my Uncle Jeff was to have him and Sara. He couldn't end a conversation without remarking how he would make my father a grandfather soon. He was right when he said he wasn't as bad as the rest but he was still a Raider. He didn't rape anyone but he did steal and he sometimes killed to take what others had. I did want a child, eventually, but not the child of a Raider -- not Garr's child. And I most certainly didn't want to raise a child anywhere near this community.

Garr saw my expression and excused himself so I could talk to my Dad. I knew that I would later have to endure his grunts and him sweating all over me.

"Dad, keep everybody near because we're going to run."

"You have a plan, Muffin?"

"Yeah, to get the hell out of here."

Dad looked worried. "You know Garr is not going to just let you stroll on out of here. None of them will. Your Uncle Jeff and I are good hunters, Chet turned out to be a pretty good mechanic. As much as I try to divert them, they're going to call him to go on raids one day -- you too."

"Me? Why me?"

"You made quite a name for yourself, you and the "Black Ghost". Some of these people in here don't even think there is a black ghost - just you."

"I won't go, Dad. Robbing innocent people who are just trying to survive?! Don't you understand why we have to go? Besides, this is absolutely no place to raise Kyrin."

"OK, OK Muffin. Leave and go where? We can't drag Kyrin all over the place. And don't say it, you and Chet. It's not the same. You all were born in the outdoors, used to the resurgence of nature. Kyrin has been in communities. He doesn't hunt or fish… Where would he go, Muffin?"

My blood was boiling. "Dad just, please, keep everybody near."

I knew he was right but there had to be a better way than this. And soon the Leaders who were practical in their logic would outnumber Garr. The assumption was I was the best fighter, if you chose to believe the rumors that I was the "Shottie" that traveled with the "Black Ghost". Why should their best be kept hidden behind barbed wire fence in a Raider compound when they could unleash her on their enemies and unwitting travelers? The only reason they would accept me staying in the compound was if I were preggo with Garr's child. I'd started secretly taking birth control pills (very expensive pills) the day after Garr took my virginity to make sure that wouldn't happen.

My stash to pay for the pills was running out and so were my ideas.

I stopped by the Pastor's service to witness the hypocrite speak for myself. The irony of his whole spectacle wasn't lost on me. It gave me a real chuckle to see several people of very questionable morality gathered to hear the "holy words" of a known pedophile. What would he preach against rape, theft, murder? Would he speak of obedience to a higher power that wasn't attached to his body? Or would he rattle on and on about sacrifice, while he made none? I wanted no parts of his hypocrisy and went to find my Dad. Pastor Devereaux saw me and smiled broadly.

"And God has sent us His Holy Lamb in the form of his greatest creation, a woman. A woman is the mother of all things, including deception so we must be aware. Awareness we have in the form of man, who Jesus himself was one but of a higher plane in nature. He was a special charge. You need a special charge to watch over and protect the gifts that God has given you. When you leave the Lamb to any shepherd and the Lamb gets lost you have only yourselves to blame! The Lamb needs BLESSING! Even Jesus received a Baptism from John!"

I wasn't a religious scholar or someone who followed the bible for that matter, but Davon Devereaux's twisting and turning of religious words made me very angry.

I walked past my family's shanty straight to Garr's. My stuff was there including Marva and my gun. Garr looked at me with questioning eyes and I gave him nothing. I was going to kill the Pastor and if I had to shoot through Garr to do it, I would.

The determination in my face cause a few people (Garr was already by my side) to walk along with me as I pushed my way through the congregation toward the Pastor on his soapbox. He smiled even broader when he saw me and Garr standing there watching his rant.

"…and if one is not worthy to work with Angels of the Lord then a Messenger will be sent to guide the way! I am that Messenger sent into the literal wilderness-."

I raised my gun and aimed for his head -- a bullet right between the eyes. There was a hush over the congregation. It was so quiet, Garr's voice sound like thunder when he broke the silence.

"Kyhra! What are you doing?"

The Pastor stood over me with a smug look on his face. He had the protection of the Leaders.

"She is disillusioned," he said. "Garr you must leave her with me for spiritual counseling."

"I'm not staying with anyone for spiritual anything, you piece of shit!"

He only smiled more. He was so arrogant! I imagined he had to be as arrogant as his father. But he knew Garr would have to obey otherwise he'd upset the balance that made the community stable. He'd have his way with me and return me back to Garr -- if the other Leaders thought it safe for Garr to be with me. I was going to wipe the smile off of his face if that was the last thing I did.

"I have a message from the Black Ghost," I said as I cocked back the hammer, "Lana says, goodbye." For a split second he was very confused; it was written all over his face as he tried to comprehend what I'd just said to him. Then it registered as the absolute terror crept slowly up his neck into his face.

"I know many things too," I said, smirk on my face.

By this time I'd dropped my aim. I wasn't going to shoot him the head, not the one on his shoulders. He shrieked and tried to dive out of the way but the "Black Ghost", my true love, made me a better shot than the maneuvers of a cowardly pedophile.

I shot him twice, one in the penis and one in the nuts. He lay on the ground screaming in agony, it took at least 5 minutes before he would let anyone touch him.

Garr grabbed me, dragging me to our shanty. I shouted, "Amen everybody!" which got some smiles from quite a few of the Pastor's victims. Garr wasn't smiling.

"What the FUCK were you thinking? I won't be able to do shit for you with the Council! They're going to punish you, y'know? They're gonna fucking beat you or something. Damnit, Khyra!"

"No they won't. He was speaking against you. Now even though you're a minor member, you have their ears. He was planning a conspiracy against you and I stopped it. That's got to count for something?"

"He was a good tracker… You know, they'll probably make your Dad take his place. Or your Uncle. I thank you for what you did but… Let me think, OK? I have to think of a way to present this to the Council."

I left him to his thoughts, not caring at all what the Council would have to say. Chet was right, Devereaux deserved to die but I wasn't going to be the one who killed him. He would forever be powerless and that was good enough for me. I hoped that somewhere Lana could see and it was good enough for her too.

On my way back to my shanty I bumped into a familiar face, the "round girl". I guess I should have known by her confrontational demeanor the last time we met, that she was a Raider. She walked alongside me and threw her arm around my shoulder like we were old friends.

"There's plenty of space away from me or do you want to get a 'haircut' this time?"

"Just walk with me to my place and keep smiling. Don't stop talking either."

I wanted to pull away from her but I didn't feel like she meant me harm. I kept walking.

"Girl, you have a temper on you! Shooting the Pastor like you did, what's wrong witcha?" She then said, in a lower tone through smiling teeth, "You saved me from a 'haircut' that day. I never forget those kinda things so I'ma save you. I heard you talking with your man-."

"He's NOT my man."

"Alright, Shottie, however you call it. That dude ain't going change the mind of the Council because they want him out. They the ones who let Old One Nut rape those boys and girls, not Garr. You and your clan gotta get the hell out of here. The Pastor had juice, you see? He spoke to them and told them that the community was getting weak 'cause ain't nobody scared like they used to be. We like Garr, you see? We respect Garr 'cause he knows all of us ain't animals and he don't want us to be no damn animals. He was going to tell the Council that we can stop the raids, start hunting like your Dad hunts and trade with the city for fresh meats -- make major flats, more than other Raiders around this area. Maybe we charge an unofficial toll for those coming through our territory… I told Garr you know how to make some hellafied liquors and he was going to tell the others that too. Girl, the community would be fed and in flats for a long time. It'd also put Pastor out of a job."

"And young girls."

"Yep no more fresh young bitches or boys' booties because of you. Ha haaa! Good!" She spat in the dirt. "Anyway, I can help you and your people escape. Free of charge since we old buddies and stuff. You have to go, Shottie, 'cause if you stay, they gone kill Garr and you gone be someone else's woman, and the rest of your people will be Raiders."

"What about you?"

"I'm smart, girl. How do you think I know how to escape without getting caught? I left this camp three times. I was gone for a month when I met you. I'm leaving one last time and I ain't coming back. I'ma go get your people. Walk around this bitch, sign fuckin' autographs. Be out in the open -- make them feel secure like they all on your side. When you get the signal you come by my place right here," she pointed to a rundown shanty with a bright yellow bird on painted on the door, "and you get here fast. Don't worry 'bout your people, they'll be here. You just make sure you be here. Soon as you get the signal, you see?"

"Yeah, I see." She disappeared into her dark home.

I didn't love Garr. I knew I never would love Garr but I did like him and I didn't want to see him die. I tried to convince him that he was better than being a common thief terrorizing people into submission but he had a plan and conviction to carry out that plan.

"I should have killed Devereaux and you'd have a better chance at executing your plan, Garr."

"Don't talk like that, Lovely. I thought the 'Black Ghost' frowned on senseless killing."

"That wouldn't have been a senseless killing. Trust me she would have helped," I said as we walked around the compound.

Devereaux victimized a lot of people. As we walked, I with my holster on my hip and Marva sheathed across my shoulder, people came up and rubbed my holster; some made eye contact with me for just a moment, smiled and went their way. Others actually did ask for an autograph, clutching the faint signature of my legendary name, as if I'd issued a promise note for 10lbs of flats.

A boy came up to me, one of Chet's fellow mechanics, and spoke, "I know I shouldn't say this with you here Garr but it was a good thing you did, Shottie, a real good thing. I'd like your autograph too."

He opened a crumpled piece of paper that had a bird drawn on it. It wasn't bright yellow but it was the same bird on the door to the "round girl's" shanty. It was my signal. What was I going to do? I couldn't leave Garr here to die.

"Garr please," I said. I must have sounded worried because he pulled me close to him and squeezed me in his massive arms.

"It's going to be alright, Lovely. I'll talk to the Council and tell them just like you said. That preacher pimp was a lying traitor and they're lucky you didn't kill him. Hell, they're lucky I didn't kill him."

"What if they don't listen? What if he did something to get to them, Garr? You could be in a lot of danger."

"Don't worry, I know these people. I hear what goes on behind my back, Lovely. Some preacher-come-lately doesn't bother me. Besides, I have the people. Robbing and stealing is getting old, we have to become one with others, stop being the outsiders."

I kissed his cheek and hugged him as tightly as I could. My time was getting short and I needed to go.

"Someone asked me to come by and sign some more autographs."

"Great, more chances to meet the people, I'll come with you."

"No no no, it's alright. Garr The Great intimidates some folks. I'll go."

He looked at me, "I love you, Khyra."

"I know." I turned and walked away as casually as I could because I knew he was watching me. I walked by one of the better-made shanties, doubled-back and slipped into the "round girl's" place.

"When I say, 'right away', what part of that don't you get?"

"Get off my back, Garr was with me, OK."

I looked and saw all of my family at a makeshift table playing some card game. Only it was quite obvious they weren't actually playing the card game; they looked nervous and anxious. There were satchels and bags (all lightly packed) piled in a corner, it would be time to leave soon.

Julia, the "round girl's" name, told me that this end of the community made the most noise and that's why she chose the house she did. She was right, the shooting of Devereaux put people in a celebratory mood so the music and sounds were louder than usual. We were nervous about it but Julia was ecstatic.

"OK, we're going to dim the lights a little bit and be on our way."

"I don't know why we're trusting this-."

Julia looked pissed, "Trusting 'this'? Trusting this what, cracka?"

"Chet not now!" Dad hissed.

"Nah, why NOT now? Shottie, I thought your people was cool? I'm about to give up my secrets to a bunch of Aryans? Fuck that. Y'all can get the fuck out my crib!"

"Damnit Chet!" Uncle Jeff piped in. "Julia, honey, please. I don't want my kid to stay here anymore. Please."

Sara also pleaded with Julia, "I have some flats in my bag. I'll give them all to you. Please, for the sake of my son."

"You don't give her shit," Chet was livid now. "How do you know she's not leading us into a trap?"

Julia reached out and slapped Chet. He was stunned then balled up his fist to strike her back when Dad smacked him too. We were all shocked.

"You can make your business when we get out this mess, Son. Right now, you're going to stop being selfish and apologize to Julia so we can my nephew to a better place."

"I don't need his fuckin' apology. It ain't real anyway. I got you, Shottie, but after this we're done."

"After what, JJ?" It was Garr with two other Raiders.

"I knew it," Chet said, "it is a trap! We're not going anywhere."

"So you WERE planning on leaving, Lovely?"

Chet became beet red realizing he blundered, big time. "Garr didn't know…" he said quietly.

"Come with us." I plead to him. "They won't listen to you he's corrupted them, Garr. If you stay here there will a coup or something."

"Are you asking me to come with you as your husband?"

I looked at him and he could see it all over my face; I couldn't lie to him, "No."

"There's someone else, isn't there?"

"Garr, that doesn't matter. You need to get away. Come with us."

"Uncle Garr, won't you come with us?" Kyrin asked. He'd been watching the whole exchange quietly before he decided to speak up.

"Don't you want to stay, Big Guy?" Garr asked mussing Kyrin's hair.

"Not anymore. Everyone is sad and mad all the time."

"Well then that solves it. You go with your Mom and Dad so you won't be sad and mad. I'm going to have to stay here so I can make this place fun again, alright?"

"OK, Uncle Garr."

"And you'll come by and visit when that happens, right?"

"I have to get permission first, Uncle Garr."

Garr hugged Kyrin then turned to Julia. "JJ, you'll have a couple days head start before they notice people missing. Leave the bags - that will buy you some time if people looking see them in the proper places. Take them to the meeting spot and I'll bring the bags and some supplies to get you on your way."

Sara spoke, "Thank you so much. Thank you both."

"Yeah… Um… I'm sorry…" Chet said looking quite shameful.

"Whatever. Fuck you Aryan."

Garr hugged me once more and whispered in my ear, "Just tell me it was nobody here. Was it a Leader?"

"No one in this place. Only you Garr."

"I figured it," he said relieved. "OK people get going, you've stayed too long already."

Julia shooed everyone from the table and the two Raiders that came with Garr moved the table nearer to the door. After rolling up the rug the table was sitting on, Julia opened a door in the floor. A tunnel! She was indeed a smart girl.

Uncle Jeff went in first as we lowered Kyrin in after him. Everyone disappeared in the tunnel. At last it was my turn.

"I would've come with you if you wanted me to, as your husband."

"Thanks for this, Garr."

"I'll see you in a few days."

I dropped down in the darkness -- toward freedom.

Chapter 8

A few days turned into ten. Julia stayed with us while we waited at the meeting place for Garr. Chet assumed the worst, that Garr tricked us into waiting for him so we could starve to death or be ambushed. Uncle Jeff and Dad pulled me aside with Julia to have a conference.

"I don't know about this place, Muffin."

"Yeah," Uncle Jeff whispered, "our water supplies are very low. Sara tried dowsing but every drop she found is brackish."

"That's because of the slides. Every time there's one it dumps more salt and minerals in this water supply. Great for cookin', not so great for drinkin'," Julia added.

"Look, Muffin, we can weather the hunger, we have before but there's only so long we can survive out here without some drinkable water. Plus we don't know how long it will be before some rival group come along and… We need to get moving."

Kyrin crept up while we were in heavy discussion, "Uncle Garr's going to come, Daddy. If nothing's wrong he'll come. I can make it, I'm strong like Khyra."

"I know you are, buddy. Go back with Mom and we'll join you in a second."

"But-."

"Buddy, do what Daddy says, go back with Mom."

As he walked toward Sara Julia said, "Kid's right, though. Garr is a man of his word. Something maybe happened…"

"Which means we can't stay here and die of thirst," Uncle Jeff said.

"I'll slip back into camp, you see? Check around and if I don't get ambushed I'll come back with some supplies. Then I'm going my way and good luck on yours."

"Well what do we do in the meantime? Got any ideas, Muffin?"

"Yes." I looked around the area, at the trees, the hill we were camped under. I could tell there was a slide during the past five years because I hadn't immediately recognized my surroundings. Once I spotted the tree with the face of a long nosed man, I knew we were a day's walk from the cabin -- from her. I would gladly swallow my pride and ask for her help. Would she help me?

In that instant I'd decided to find out.

"Is three days enough time to meet back here, Julia?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right. You on the move?"

"Yes."

"If I'm not back by then assume the worst and get your asses outta here."

"Thank you for everything, Miss Julia," Dad said, "I won't ever forget this."

"Y'all are some of the weirdest Aryans I ever met. Just be back here in three days." She looked at me, "On TIME!"

I went with my Uncle and my Dad back to our small camp and spoke to Kyrin.

"So, buddy, we have to leave here but we'll come right back, OK?"

"Sure."

"But in order to get back here in time to meet your Uncle Garr we have to travel fast. Are you up to it?"

"I can do it if you can do it, Khyra. I'm strong enough, just like you."

He flexed his muscle and I squeezed exaggerating how solid it was. That put a glow on his face; if he felt couldn't do it then, he'd surely be able to do it now. He was a super hero.

"Now, Kyrin, you have to do exactly as I say."

"Yes."

"No arguments at all."

"Yes, I will."

"And if I get lost, I'll need your help."

"Oh YES! I'll listen and pay attention, I promise Khyra."

It was a trick I'd learned from her. When I got older I realized she was never lost any place she went, any time of the day. She watched the light of the sky by day; she read the stars in the sky at night. She would walk around in circles, claiming she was lost, and asked me to set her on the right track. Thinking about it gave me a lump in my throat but there was no time for crying and I wasn't about to break my promise -- no tears for her.

I led the way toward the cabin.

No one knew where we were going. No one asked, except Chet. He felt it a man's responsibility to be out in front to lead the way for his family. I humored him, and myself, as we walked around for a half hour in a bunch of little circles. It lifted everyone's spirits when Kyrin would point out the 2nd time we'd passed a particular tree or he would recognize a downed branch or even point out Chet's shoe print in a soft area he'd stepped in.

It took a while for the rest to see it but we'd finally reached the perimeter of the cabin. Dad spotted the roof and recognized the area.

"You were here?"

"Yes Dad. Right here."

"Our camp wasn't that far away when you disappeared. Wow, so near yet so far away. If only -- we should have waited… We couldn't, Muffin, it was dangerous…"

"Dad, you don't have to explain."

"It's just if we could've waited…"

"Dad, I'm here now. It's alright, I'm here."

I walked to the front with Chet. Looking around I was apprehensive. I couldn't spot the traps and I knew she set them. I scanned the ground again and saw several indicators I hadn't seen before. She put a smile on my face even when she wasn't around. Like the ghost…

There was no smoke coming from the chimney which meant nothing. She'd taught me to do most of the burning at night unless it was very necessary to have a fire during the day, like when we had to make stuff to sell in the city. No fire, no smoke - Raiders or other undesirables wouldn't find you. She wasn't home. I could tell by the pattern in which she laid the traps.

"OK you guys, follow me."

Chet immediately objected. "We can see the house right there, Baby Sis. Follow you. What's that all about?"

Chet's crabby attitude was really getting on my nerves. I wanted to slap him the way Julia did or kick him square in his ass. I looked around and found a hefty tree branch and walked three feet away from where he stood.

"You're not supposed to argue, Chet," Kyrin correctly pointed out.

"We're right near the house, Big Guy. It's not a big deal."

"Yeah but we're supposed to do what Khyra says."

Before Chet could reply, I stood next to him to as close as I could, reached out with the branch in my arm and drove it into the ground.

The trap leapt up from its hiding place grabbing the "leg" sized branch with its sharp rusty teeth, splintering and mangling the branch with a loud CLAP!

They were startled still. No one dared move. I barely heard Uncle Jeff say, "I never even saw that…"

I turned to Chet, my face only inches away from his and said, "Follow. Me."

When we got to the front door of the cabin I knocked, hoping I'd been wrong about the traps and she was there after all. She wasn't.

I walked in, looked around, and beckoned to everyone else.

Memories came flooding back as sweet perfumes filled the room. It was a small cabin but standing there, looking at the corners I read in and the table where we ate together, it seemed as big as the community my family and I fled for our freedom from.

"Kyrin," I said, "take your Mommy around the back. Make sure you stay close to the side of the house. There's a little tiny house that looks like a bathroom but it's not. Show Mommy and she'll get some good water for you, OK?"

"Yes, yes I will."

"I'll go with them," Chet announced.

"OH! C'mon, Chet, I can do it." Kyrin frowned as he grabbed Sara's hand. I made him feel like a big boy, like he could do anything. He needed to feel confidence while we were on the run. He wanted to be a contributor -- just like I did at his age. If Uncle Jesse and Sara would let me, I would teach Kyrin but not about the killing. I'd kept hope in my heart that we could be somewhere he wouldn't have to kill.

"Kyrin, you take Chet with you, show him the ropes. Make sure he listens to you and your Mommy."

Kyrin's excitement was restored and he grabbed Chet's hand leading him and Sara out the front door.

With them gone, I continued my walk down memory lane. I'd spotted on the shelf in the back the black PVC tube with "My Maps" scratched on it. I smiled when I opened it and saw that "my maps" were still there, still intact. There were old maps that we got from the city. They had all the landmarks and areas where bridges used to be. Then there were my handmade maps with the new landmarks and Trade Posts; there were skulls and crossbones where bridges were no longer present; and I'd indicated Raider and Aryan communities with sad faces. I displayed them with pride to Dad and Uncle Jeff.

I wanted to see her.

"Pretty impressive, Muffin. She taught you that too?"

"Sort of, Daddy. She'd buy the maps the city had and show me places. Then I'd draw them. After we meet with Julia, I want to come back here," I placed everything back in the tube and put it back on the shelf, "because I want to show Kyrin. That's only if it's OK by you, Uncle Jeff. I think he'll like them."

Uncle Jeff hadn't heard me, he was still enraptured by the cabin.

"Johnny, how long has it been since we've seen something like this? A home. It even smells like a home. You remember this Johnny?"

"He's right, Muffin. We lived in one spot, with our parents, in a place like this. It had an extra floor on it too, with stairs we could go up into our own separate rooms…"

"How does she keep it so warm in here? There's no fire burning."

The warmth reminded me of the cold season and its arrival. It would probably start snowing in the next month; the month after that the snow and the cold would be more frequent.

"Sonofabitch," Dad exclaimed pointing to her crazy contraption, "she's got a damn kerosene heater! Where the hell does she get the fuel?"

My heart swelled with pride. My Dad and Uncle Jeff could finally see that girls did things too -- sometimes way better than boys. I assumed my father had developed respect for me but for him to witness the source of my education gave me a greater feeling of confidence in my conclusion. It thrilled me to no end to hear the admiration in Uncle Jeff's voice when he pointed from one thing to another in the cabin asking me, "She lived here all that time alone?" or "You guys made this stuff yourselves?" Out the corner of my eye I could see Dad with a proud grin on his face when I told about heating the rocks to keep our feet warm at night or the gutting and skinning technique to get the best cuts of meat.

"Gosh, you're like a chip from your Old Man, eh? Johnny, I betcha we could build a place like this couldn't we? Someplace hidden like The Ghost does it, right? It would have to be after the cold-."

Kyrin barged in the door. "Daddy! You have to come QUICK!"

We raced out of the cabin expecting the worst. I'd thought the worst: she came back and saw Chet in the back with Sara and Kyrin. Chet said some very stupid Aryan remark and she was going to kill him or she already had.

It was worse than that.

The root cellar door was thrown open and preserves were strewn about. There was a jar of pickles opened and Chet was munching away. The meat house that was built tall enough to keep away a bear wasn't tall enough to keep out Chet. He'd found the ladder, along with one of the sleds, on the side of the cabin and stacked the fresh smoked meat on it.

"I'm so sorry, Khyra," Sara apologized, "we tried to stop him but it's like he's gone crazy or something."

"This place is fucking gold!" he said between bites of his stolen pickle.

Dad exploded. I'd never seen him so angry. He grabbed Chet by the collar and pummeled him on his neck and shoulders. Chet cried out but Dad kept hitting battering him like a rag doll.

Chet broke away from Dad and suddenly, much to everyone's surprise, unsheathed Kunte Kente.

"Where did you get that?" I asked.

"I've had enough of this shit! Why am I being punished?"

"Put it down, Chet."

"No, I'm keeping it."

"You better let him keep it, Muffin. The minute he lays it down I'm gonna wallop him like he's a complete stranger! You pull a blade out on me? On your FATHER?"

"Chet, she never goes anywhere without it which means she is not far away from here. Put it down so we can get the hell out of here. NOW!" My plans were fading right before my eyes. Because of my idiot of an older brother's disrespectful behavior, I could hardly ask for her to help us.

"Let's talk about this," Chet reasoned, "why should we have to starve? Huh? We've got our canteens filled with water but what if Garr doesn't come? Huh? What if Garr is dead?"

"HE'S NOT DEAD!" Kyrin shouted. He began to cry.

Uncle Jeff looked at Chet with disgust. "You're being a real asshole, Chet. Scaring your cousin like this? Way to go, real asshole work."

Chet sheathed Kunte Kente and walked toward sled he'd loaded.

"I love you guys. You're my family and you'll see I'm right. We shouldn't have to starve, there's so much here. And it's good stuff we haven't eaten in years. We've NEVER had pickles this crunchy! Sara, c'mon, try one."

Sara only looked at Chet with sadness and shame.

"We are NOT RAIDERS!!" Dad said, infuriated by Chet's actions.

"Dad this is crazy! How do we know she didn't steal all of this stuff? Look at that thing," he said pointing at the distillery, "What the FUCK is that? And most of it is made from copper. Do you know how many flats it would take to make that? How many people did your precious 'Black Ghost' kill to get enough to make it? HUH? No snappy comeback? And where did she get so much meat? How do we even know this house is hers?"

"Her parents knew about your Aryan friends from a long time ago, Chet. They built this home for her family and taught her a lot of things just like Dad taught us. They tried their best to stay out of everyone's way and be around their friends but the Aryans you love so much wouldn't let them. That 'thing' is a distiller. All the liquor you're stealing is made with it. I know because she taught me how to use it. The meat, she hunted just like you, Dad and Uncle Jeff used to. I know because she taught me how to do that too. And yes, I know how to smoke the meat -- she taught me that as well. So no, Chet, she didn't steal any of the things YOU are stealing. She worked very hard and what you're stealing are the fruits of HER hard work. But what can I say, Big Brother? It's very Aryan of you." I turned and walked away from Chet.

We needed to leave and construct a different plan -- in case Chet was right and Garr was as good as dead.

Chet showed some shame but not enough to stop loading the sled. When he finished he followed behind us deftly avoiding the traps and, unbeknownst to all of us at the time, leaving a very visible trail.

We all trekked back to the meeting point in silence. Each person was in his or her own thoughts until Chet broke the quiet.

"I don't get it. Every time I say something you always defend her."

"Chet, we went there to ASK for water and maybe, maybe she would help us."

"We don't even know her. How do we know she wasn't the one who kidnapped you in the first place?"

"You know, you're a moron? Absolute Grade-A slow. If you would, for once, think about someone other than Chet!"

"Hellooooo? I do!" he said as he motioned to the sled full of stolen goods.

"The cold season is coming and we wouldn't have had to travel around in it. She would let us stay there until it got warmer. It would've been a tight squeeze but it would have been a warm one."

"Baby Sis, you're not convincing me. We've seen many cold seasons and we've survived them all. Everybody's losing it over some crazy legend! She's a person just like us, you said so yourself! If she can make it so can we. What's so special about some Black dyke?"

It was Sara's turn to scold Chet. "If you're going to keep talking the way you do in front of my son then I don't want to travel with you. We left a place of hate -- twice! If you don't stop this I swear I will go off somewhere, just as long as you're not there."

Uncle Jeff was stunned but his face showed he supported everything Sara said. "What's a dyke?" Kyrin asked.

Chet said nothing for fear we'd all ditch him in the middle of the woods.

Sara tried to explain but was at a loss for words. I walked to Kyrin, held his hand and said, "A dyke is me."

I'd expected surprise when I'd confessed to Kryin, I was startled when I'd said it aloud. They didn't show they were surprised at all -- their faces remained blank the whole time.

My statement seemed to enough to satisfy Kyrin.

He looked at Chet and frowned. "Is Chet a dyke?"

"No, Sweetheart, he most certainly is not."

"Good. Then I want to be a dyke too."

"Sure sure, you all turn against me now but I still love you, everyone," Chet exclaimed with an extra flourish of the dramatic in his voice. "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone."

After setting up camp and eating some of the stolen food, I promptly explained to Kyrin to the best of my ability what a "dyke" actually is. He still thought it was a great idea to be one, as long as we promised to be nice to the youngest of people, especially him. I couldn't help but laugh when he asked if dykes were like lesbians? Talking to him stirred the feelings I'd buried to one day be a mom. But thoughts like that would have to wait; it had been four days with no sign of Julia or Garr.

On the seventh day Dad expressed his concern.

"You're pretty good with the outdoors now, Muffin…"

"I know we have to go. It's going to break poor Kyrin's heart. He still believes Garr's alive."

"And he might well be but he's not here. I don't think she did but Julia could've run off or gotten hurt on the way to or from. The kid'll be sad for a little while but me and Jeff both agree that we have to make our way somewhere safe for the cold season."

"You're right, Dad."

"Another thing, about what you said a couple days back, how do you know that you're, well…? I mean, you were with Garr and I thought-."

"I know, Dad. Are you disappointed?"

"'Sakes no! You came back to me and - how can I be disappointed? I just -- I need to know something. Is it like Chet thinks, did she molest you?"

"WHAT?"

"Did she touch you in any bad way? I want you to tell me-."

"Dad, I'm here with you, without her, because she wouldn't touch me. I don't even think she wants to touch me…"

My Dad hugged me and assured me everything would be all right. He thought that she wouldn't want to talk to me, or touch me, because of the damage Chet had done while we were at the house. We were going to go back, he explained, and apologize for Chet's actions. We were going to work through the cold season to replace everything that was taken, and then some, if we could stay with her until the cold season passed. Surely, he thought, during that time we could be friends again?

I thought to myself, what a wonderful father I have. He was genuine in his wanting the "Black Ghost" and I to be friends again. But I could also tell my father didn't want to move around so much either. He and Uncle Jeff had a different way they walked when we all left the cabin -- they wanted to plant roots. They'd been living the nomadic life far longer than Chet and I had; it was taking its toll on them.

Before I could explain fully the reason Chet's destructive behavior may have sealed our fate with her, we both heard motors.

"GARR!" we heard Kyrin scream. "I TOLD you he would come."

It was Garr with Julia in tow. They were on ATVs, trailers attached, and Garr had a huge smile on his face.

"Sorry it took so long Ladies and Gentlemen. You are all guests of mine and you're coming back with me."

I spoke up, "No we're not Garr. What's going on here?"

He kept on smiling, "Yes you can, Love. I spoke with the Council, like I said I would. We ran that maggot and his band of wacktards right out of our community. And it's safe now. I spoke to them about my plan, they like it. We won't be Raiders anymore. Well, not like the other Raiders, we'll make money and have food and the kids will be safe."

I looked at Julia. She unloaded the trailer hitched to her ATV; there were the bags we'd packed before coming to the meeting place.

Garr rolled his eyes, "Oh boyo! I forgot, 'Mommy' over here brought your stuff anyway. I told her not to but she insisted. Look people, it's safe for you. In fact, we know it's about to get very cold soon, right? So come back with me, stay 'til the season ends and you can leave if you don't want to stay anymore. Eh? We are free to come and go now, see?"

"Not everyone thinks it's a good idea, Garr," Julia said with concern in her voice.

"Pfftt! Forget them, Julia! They don't outnumber the Leaders! This barbaric crap can't continue and we won't last much longer if we keep it up. We have futuristic minds now and we outnumber the creeps."

"Not anymore."

The engines of the ATVs were still running, we never even heard other Raiders sneak up on us.

Boa was the leader of the group. I'd seen him around the compound, always keeping a watchful eye on my breasts, whenever he decided to say hello. He was an Aryan opportunist trying to "expand the nation" any chance he could and he saw his chance now.

"Julia, darling, you're going to have to step away from those white people. Know your place."

"Fuck you, Boa! When the rest of the Council hears about this, you're going to follow that bastard, Devereaux," Garr said, as he got angrier. "Everybody and I mean EVERYBODY come with me so we can sort this. You guys are in such trouble!"

Garr walked toward the ATV. Boa looked at him defiantly and began shouting, "It's YOU and your impotent leaders that have led our souls on a path of unrighteous co-existence. With OUR new rule the Darkies will know their place and NEVER be so audacious as to lay one finger on our children! They will know punishment for their insurrections!"

"From what I remember," Julia added, "the Pastor sent some teenage girls over your way, Boa. Nobody was preaching holiness then."

"You are testing my patience with you, nigger! We'll show you no mercy in the new kingdom."

"Dude, you sound just as bad as that clown, Devereaux."

Hell broke loose. Boa raised his gun and shot Garr, dead. Poor Kyrin saw his hero fall and screamed at the top of his lungs. The sound took the tops off of trees and released my soul. Every one of the Raiders that came with Boa would have to pay.

"You all come with us. We are the new leaders and we will protect you because white should look after one another."

I hadn't even seen Chet pick up the huge rock he'd tossed at Boa. Boa ducked but not before some of the stone caught him in the face leaving a swelling welt and bloody nose. I was reaching for my gun when I got grabbed from behind.

"No you don't, girl, we have a date to finish." It was Devereaux. He was pulling me away from my family who were fighting for their lives. Some of the Raiders had guns but didn't know how to shoot them. Sara had a stick smacking away at arms and legs, Kyrin was throwing any rocks he could pick up, Dad and Uncle Jeff were great when they got going and Chet was a wild man, smashing everything in sight.

A Raider recovered from being thrown by Uncle Jeff. He picked up a gun that someone dropped during the melee and was cut down by Julia's gun. In that instant everyone froze, including Devereaux.

I spun, flipped him over my hip, and proceeded to stomp on what was left of his manhood. He'd have nothing left but pâté when I was finished. I left him squirming on the ground as I ran toward my family, gun drawn.

Garr's body was slumped on the ATV. I felt so sad for him. All he wanted was a peaceful place and a family. I saw Boa running toward an ATV one of his group came in on. I went after him.

"Hey, child fucker!" He turned around and my .45 was the last thing he saw. I went on a spree; any Raider that stood behind Boa when he shot Garr would lie dead next to him. I picked them off, one by one but more kept coming. Some lie still, dying in the chaos while others wanted to be heroes and got up. I kindly obliged their hero status and sent them straight to Hell.

Julia screamed for Kyrin. We looked in the direction she was pointing and saw him in the painful grasp of Davon Devereaux. I was terrified, he had a big gun pointed on the top of Kyrin's head. The look of a madman was on his face as steam blew from his frothing mouth.

"We all are gonna do what I say or this blessed little child's brains will return to the dust from whence it came."

Everyone froze except Boa's unofficial 2nd in command, Snake.

"You WILL NOT harm that child. With my great leader, Boa fallen in battle, I will be in charge and I can assure you there won't be a place you can hide where any decent white person will not find your filthy black ass and cut you down!"

Devereaux cocked the pistol, "You stupid fuckin' cracker. You want to talk so much, steer that vehicle over here. And grab all those bags and put them in that hitch. If you do it right, boy, I may let you enter MY kingdom. You traitorous crackers did me a favor getting rid of the bureaucracy. I'm going back and anyone tries to follow me you'll bury this boy. Whoever wants to come back with me with my blessing and forgiveness tie her up," he said gesturing in my direction, "and bring her with you. The rest of them, you can do what you want to with 'em."

Kyrin looked so calm in Devereaux's grasp. He was looking far into the woods, hopefully finding some peace of mind given the situation I blamed myself for putting him in. I placed my gun on the ground while Snake looked for something to tie me up with. The other Raiders took the weapons away from my family and Julia. Chet was furious and disappointed.

"Some proud white man you're supposed to be! Taking orders from a child molester."

Julia laughed and was slapped by the Raider who took her gun.

"Somebody told you to talk, black bi-?"

THWACK! A long black shaft suddenly appeared sticking out of the neck of the man who slapped Julia. Blood was squirting everywhere.

"WHO DID THAT?" Devereaux yelled.

THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! Three more Raiders gone and no one could see who was killing them. Except Kyrin. His far off look in the woods was actually focused on something, someone -- the "Black Ghost".

"I thought you got all their shit?" Devereaux was frothing. Spit flew everywhere while he barked out orders. When another five more Raiders went down without a clue Snake suggested a hasty retreat.

"It's the fucking Ghost"! Let's get the hell out of here. You do what ever you want with that kid," he said running away from me. I unsheathed Marva and let her fly right between Snake's shoulder blades. He wasn't going anywhere.

"I still got this kid! You stop with your tricks or I'll break his fuckin' NECK!"

THWACK! It was a clear shot right through Devereaux's ears. He looked like he had black pencils sticking out of each ear.

"Run to Mommy, Kyrin! Don't look back!" I said pointing the way to Sara.

Devereaux was confused. He looked like a man trying to comprehend that he'd actually been hit but it wasn't settling for him. I'd already run to pull Marva from Snake's back when Devereaux aimed the gun at Kyrin. I let her fly again severing the hand that held the pistol, from his arm. At the same time three more shafts entered the Pastor's skull. He fell back with such a strange look on his face - like he didn't think he would go this way. But he did. He was dead.

THWACK! Another arrow sailed through the air right into Chet's chest. The force made him fall flat on his back.

"No STOP! He's my brother."

She walked swiftly toward Chet and placed her foot on his stomach causing him to stay down. She drew the sawed off shotgun stuck the double-barrel inches from his face.

"What the FUCK! Hellllllloooo, I'm the victim here! You just rescued my whole GO'DAMN FAMILY! Are you blind or something?"

Sara groaned, "Oh God, Chet." I was never sure if she was sensitive about her eye until Chet said what he did; she loaded the chamber. I groaned too.

"You're not going to shoot him are you?" Kyrin asked. "You're not supposed to because you're a lesbian and lesbians are nice. I should know because my cousin Khyra's a lesbian and she's very nice to me."

She looked at me (through me) then back to Kyrin, "Oh really?"

I could feel the blood rushing through my body from head to toe, taking refuge in my face.

"Yep it's true. Chet's my cousin too but he's not a lesbian or a dyke. He's nice, probably not as nice as you-."

"Not all lesbians are nice, kid. Chill with the chit chat." She pointed to Chet's side. Kunte Kente. I laughed to myself. Chet had it coming to him. The arrow she shot him with could be pulled out with no major damage done. I was positive she only pulled the shotgun to give him a scare - she wasn't going to shoot him. Kyrin reached down by Chet's side and handed her Kunte sheath and all. She withdrew the gun from Chet's face and got off of his stomach.

"Hey, stop her please. STOP HER! That's mine! I found it fair and square."

She busied herself with one of the abandoned ATVs. I walked over to her, nervous, not having the faintest idea of what I should say.

"So… Thank you. For that back there… Saving my family. Kyrin, he's so sweet, he's my cousin, you know?"

She started the engine on the ATV and looked at me.

"Yeah, he mentioned that. Anything else?" she asked.

Yes! I wanted to tell her to take me with her. I wanted to explain to her, like my father told me, how it would be crowded in the cabin but we could stay there just for the cold season. If she would let me explain she could love or love me enough -- the way we were before I went to find them. We could read together and I would make new maps of the places I'd been without her. I'd let her know that I would never travel to those places again without her. I had so much in my heart I wanted to say.

But all I could think of was, "What do we do?"

She replied with a smirk, "Bury your boyfriend, Miss Lesbian." She drove off into the trees. I stood there for what seemed like forever in silence.

"REALLY Chet?" Sara said breaking the quiet. "Bleh bleh bleh, 'I found it fair and square?' Idiot!"

"OK, arrow still inside me. Need some help here," he said propping himself up. "And if I hadn't acquired that knife, the Ghost would have never come to save us so, you're welcome."

"You're right. You left a big enough trail for everyone to see," Julia said pointing to the sled Chet "acquired" as well. To even the unskilled eye one could see the tracks made from pulling the heavy-laden sled.

"Thanks for the adventure people. But it's not safe for me to be traveling with some decent white folks and a cracka-ass cracka. I suggest you all get on the road too. You see, somebody is bound to come looking for the missing."

"Were you talking about me? The cracker part?" Chet asked as Julia finished wrapping his wound with the remains of Raider's shirt. He held on to the arrow as his first war wound trophy. There'd be a million stories about that arrow by the time Chet was finished.

Dad and Uncle Jeff took clothing and other things they could wrap Garr's body in before they put him on the sled and connected the sled to the ATV.

"Muffin, we're going to head back to the cabin. We should make it there by morning with these. I'll speak to her and we can see if we can bury Garr there or someplace nearby. I'll talk to her, it'll be OK, you'll see.

Julia drove on her way and we headed in the opposite direction. Three ATVs headed to swallow all of our pride. Kyrin sat quietly in the hitch while his father made sure to cruise at a careful speed for he and his mother. Chet, in obvious pain, clung to Dad's waist for dear life. He didn't want to fall off. And I led the way with Garr in tow.

As we approached the cabin something was different. It was early enough for her to have the fireplace burning but there was no smoke coming out of the chimney. I stopped the ATV and ran toward the entrance. I noticed the traps were piled on the side of the cabin -- something was wrong.

I burst in the door to a soulless house. The bed was still there but it hadn't been slept in for days. Some of the dishes were left behind but the kerosene heater and the pots and pans for the hearth were not. I looked on the table and saw the PVC tube set in the middle of it. She was gone and she was never coming back here. I wanted to weep, to hell with my promise.

Kyrin came in the door, "See I knew she was nice. She left it for us!"

"I know, honey. Let's go put Uncle Garr to rest."

"OK. She did leave it for us, right Khyra?"

"She sure did."

And I'd lost her. Again…

Chapter 9

Things were changing and people were feeling it all over.

Chet fixed the distiller but for what? We couldn't trade our liquors anymore because the government hadn't sealed it. It was a harsh lesson we learned when we got to the checkpoint before entering the road to the city. Slim was no longer there and his replacements were some "by-the-book-muthafuckas" who also informed us we could no longer transport the mountain weed we grew. They confiscated the weed and broke the liquor bottles right before our eyes. I could see by the look on Chet's face that he wanted to do something but he knew he was no match against the highly trained World Army Police officers so he cursed them under his breath. The only good part about that day was they didn't rob us. The rest of our goods were OK and it was on the road we went.

The city was a lot more congested -- more troublesome elements showed up in numbers every month, according to Teddy. While pouring me a drink of some very potent and horrible tasting stuff, she'd asked me what was happening in the mountains?

"We're getting all your Raiders down here now. It's making us looking bad to the super cops - we can barely sell anything. And they like to fight so we have to close early. If it wasn't like this at the other bars, Frank would be out of business. Only person that's happy is Miss Chichi. Well, not really, the super cops come and take what they want and you know they don't pay.

"Something's going on, Shottie. Frank can see into the future! You better be ready because we won't be here too long. Take what you can then stay in the mountains, girl. Stay!"

I did what Teddy said, for the most part. I took to staying in our cabin. We made the liquor for medicine and Uncle Jeff -- mostly for Uncle Jeff. Kyrin was in his 12th enjoying the landscape and still an innocent boy. My father loved being in one place, he learned the area well, where the hunt was and smoking the kill. He even helped Sara with what he once thought to be women's work, preserving and pickling. He, Kyrin, and Chet became quite the gardeners; growing things during the summer I didn't think would live in this mountain air. They became the talk of the local Trade Post causing the traders a lot of excitement when they showed up.

I wasn't happy. I was bored, I felt lost and I was very horny. More than anything else, I was lonely. I missed her -- I wanted her. I had dreams of her touching me the way Garr did. But she wasn't clumsy and sweaty, she was warm and it made me sigh to think of it. She would kiss me -- I would let her kiss me… I wanted to touch myself, satisfy my urges but the cabin was always filled with someone or all of my family.

Oddly enough, Sara was the one who noticed. She thought I needed a man to replace Garr that I had some kind of fever a man could cure. She spoke of two men who always asked about me when she and Dad would go to the Trade Post.

"Tell them to stop asking," I said to her in a huff.

"They're nice guys, Khyra. One's an Apache who'd be very helpful to your Dad and Jeff. He was the one who warned us about the bears showing up again. And Randall may join the WAP. That's good, right?"

"Yeah, that's cool I guess."

She knew in her heart I was only telling her what she wanted to hear. I was the boss of my body. We were no longer in a place where my body had to save their lives. No one else spoke about what I said to Kyrin in the cabin a couple of years ago. My father was satisfied that I hadn't been molested and that was the consensus for all the men. But Sara wanted me to have her life; to be a wife and a mother that supported a man who took care of her. I think she was more interested in me not being shot or stabbed or gored to death by a raging elk. I was pretty, my hands weren't supposed to be dirty from butchering dear but smelly from pickling for the men all day.

What she didn't realize is that I did do pickling and I hunted and fished and I got to read and daydream and explore. All of this happened when this was OUR cabin. And when I was finished the chores she assigned to me we'd pour some distilled water in the old car battery, hook it up to the radio and listen to some CDs she had from the time before. Or she'd tell me stories of when everyone had energy to listen to their CDs. Some people had boxes like our radio but much smaller and the music was already in it, called MP3 players. We didn't go out looking to be the "Black Ghost" and "Shottie"; we didn't look for trouble or fights at Jimmy's. This was the world that we lived in and we weren't juts going to hide out surviving, we were going to live it. Anyone that wanted to stop us from being us, it was totally his or her own problem. Anyone who wanted to forcibly stop us from being us would wish they'd kept on their way.

I wanted to tell Sara that but I knew it would only hurt her feelings. She just wanted to help because she could see I was in pain.

"It's cool, Sara. Maybe I'll go to the Post and check it out."

She smiled but not because she thought I would, she knew I was humoring her. And then she surprised me by saying, "Kyrin is a good judge of character and she saved his life. She gave up her house, Khyra and only God knows where she's been living these past two years. When you find her could you tell her I'm very grateful for what she did?"

I hugged Sara as I hard as I could. I didn't know what else to say to her except, "Thank you."

I knew then, the moment with Sara, I was going to look for her. The only place I could think to start was the city. I'd been taking trips there, almost every other week since she'd abandoned the cabin, and no one knew a thing. She'd truly lived up to her reputation. There was just one place I'd been avoiding but not anymore. Soon I'd be paying Miss Chichi a visit.

First, I had to tell my father I was leaving him again.

He knew. He wanted me to promise I'd use the truck but I wouldn't; I was going to walk all over until I found her trail. The journey would be slower but I would be a smaller target and I wouldn't have to depend on refueling. I would become the "White Ghost", the "In" to her "Yo". My father wasn't keen on the idea of me walking through the wilderness even with the World Army Police being more present. I wanted his approval, for him not to be worried about me but I could see that was asking for too much. He was my father and he was going to worry about me whether I wanted him to or not.

He did give me his approval.

"Before you came back to us, Muffin," he started, "we did a little wandering of our own." He stood by the door that opened to the well, leaned against the door and continued his story.

"Do you know how I knew you'd come back to us?"

"No, Dad."

"I didn't think you did. When we stayed for a while with the Natives, Jenny wasn't the only one who fell for someone. Yep, it's true, your Old Dad.

"Anyway she was a very wise woman who told me I should never mistrust the voice in my heart even when the voice in my head speaks the loudest. The voice in your heart is the closest to the voice of the Great Spirit. Well, that voice in my heart let me know that I would see you again. And when I saw the message, 'Angels watch your Angel' and the necklace your Mom made you, I knew you were safe. So when she and her clan went their way I knew I couldn't join her, as much as I wanted to, because I had to see my daughter. She understood. Do you understand?"

"Daddy, I love her. I have to find her, if only to tell her that."

"Well then Muffin, we'll be waiting here for ya until you do. Just be careful."

"Thank you Daddy."

"You know you're going to have to slip away one day," he said as he handed me the tube with my maps in it, "so your brother won't go after you. He feels bad about your getting lost. He said he saw you go and thought you'd be right back and he didn't get up to go after you, guess that's why he's been tailing ya ever since. Just let me know, leave me a sign when you go."

Two days later I went out back to get some water from the well and slipped off into the woods on my way. I left the tube with all but one map on the cover of the well so the Great Spirit could assure my Dad I'd see him again. I set out to find my "Angel".

Night had fallen almost into the next day by the time I'd reached "Jimmy's" -- or what used to be "Jimmy's". The sign was there but the element was different when I went in. Aryans. Teddy, her usual spunk and smack talk, was no longer behind the bar. Instead there was a very large overly tattooed guy speaking in a way that I never thought I'd hear someone who looked like him speak.

"See we have to work with the Darkies at least until we cut down on some of these pigs taking over everything. Then once that's that they either work for us or get the hell away from us."

"What if they think about getting a 50/50 cut?" a very skinny tattooed man asked.

"Oh, that shit's not going to happen," and they all broke out in laughter at the bar.

I'd seen things changing around us but being in the wilderness sheltered us from what was truly going on. We'd thought we would safe but the more we tried to be left alone the more the world intruded. Why were Aryans at "Jimmy's" and why were so many in the city? Where did Teddy and Frank go?

I sat at the corner table keeping out of site. I observed people and their movements to piece together as much of this puzzle as I could. My answers took a seat right beside me. Ashley, "Slash" as she liked to be called, wasn't much of an Aryan as much as she was a survivor. She kept her eyes open and her ear to the ground and when the opportunity appeared she profited.

She thought she'd try her luck today, "Hey."

I only looked at her out the corner of my eye. I was paying more attention to the fervor at the bar and how quick I could make a hasty retreat.

"Hey. I think I know you, right?"

"Wrong."

"Huh? Then you're not from around here."

"Actually I am from around here. 'Around here' just changed a lot quicker than I expected it to."

"Yeh?" her eyes lit up and she looked me over again, "You're kinda pretty. We could go somewhere if you want."

"What I want is to find Miss Chichi Coolidge. You know anything about her?"

"Chances are I do. I'm Ashley. My special friends call me Slash." She slid closer to me and whispered in my ear, "You wanna wait a couple of minutes before you come out after me. I'll be waiting in the back alley of this place. You should know where that is, being from town and everything." She ran her hand down my thigh. I counted to myself in order for me not to pull out Marva and chop her hand off.

Once I was in the alley, she grabbed me and fondled my breasts. She rubbed my thighs and back to my breasts as if she had hands everywhere. She was a pretty girl, brunette with freckles, but she wasn't the "tall, dark, and handsome" I was looking for. I quickly removed Marva from her sheath for an introduction.

"Shit! OK, OK! I knew it was you. You're with the 'Black Ghost'. Shottie, right?"

"Right."

"But not anymore," I pressed Marva a little closer to her throat as she continued, "so I thought you were a free agent. That's why I was getting friendly. You can put the knife down, OK? I was just being a little friendly."

"How about you be friendly enough to tell me what I wanted to know in the first place?" I said, not moving Marva one inch.

"All the Folk and Indians and some of the race traitors like Jimmy's brother went to the other side of town when we got here. We wanted to work with them but they're cowards."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because the pigs are going to take over everything. We can't use flats anymore, they've taken them all. They say they need it for 'The Cause'. What cause? They're running us out of the hills just like they're running Folk out of the hills; that's why we are down here. We didn't bother any of them."

"Really?" I said with skepticism in my voice.

"Nothing more than a few bar fights here and there. Then the Ghost stopped coming with the stuff. Then you would come but not that often and all the good shit the pigs would take. Eventually Frank left. We he left, even though Jimmy stayed, all the rest of them followed Frank. Even Miss Chichi. They're all the way across town based out of a junkyard and some buildings over there." She leaned in closer as if to shield anyone from listening, "These guys talk a good game but when it gets dark they go over across town to see those Black girls. Especially that Nina."

"Nina? She's still around?"

"Yeh. Hey, I'll go with. I can show you the way -- I got a bike and we can ride. Huh! The fuckers even measure your fuel. They'll see. They're so pleased with themselves over there but the pigs are gonna crack down on them too. They gonna crack down on everybody."

Slash got us there in no time. When I saw the area, however, I wondered if being there in a hurry was a good thing.

It was dark and everything looked abandoned. A couple of taller buildings flanked the makeshift junkyard, which also looked empty. I put my hand on my .45 just in case my new "friend" had decided to drive me into an ambush. As we got closer I could see shafts of light coming from behind shuttered windows. In fact the closer we came to the junkyard, the more movement and excitement I could hear around me. There were lights on in the buildings that I hadn't noticed before.

When we reached the main building (which was more like a shanty) in the middle of the debris and burnt out automobiles, I felt like I was at home.

"Holy shit, bitch, what took you so long?" Teddy said as she came from behind the bar and gave me a hug.

"I wasn't in a rush to see your ugly face, that's for damn sure," I snapped back grinning the whole time.

Suddenly someone shoved me and Slash drew her stiletto. I guess she wanted to demonstrate why her friends called her such. My .45 was already drawn, so was my reputation.

"You need to get the fuck out the way, that space is mines!"

"No your fat fucking ass needs to watch where it's going," I said as I embraced a much slimmer Julia.

"Damnit, girl, what happened to the rest of you?"

"It's that on the run diet," she laughed. She cocked her head in Slash's direction and the smile left her face.

"Didn't know you were demeaning yourself by traveling with snitching Aryan trash."

"Hey fuck you, OK? I brought her here. She didn't know where this place was."

"No fighting in MY place. Well fuck me in the morning and then just walk away! Shottie?" Frank gave me the biggest bear hug probably breaking some ribs in the process.

"Teddy, get her a drink! Holy dog shit! You see they can't keep ole Frankie down. My brother? I have no fucking brother," Frank said as he spat on the dusty floor, "he stayed across town with the gendarmes and the troublemakers. We came over here and business is great! I can show you a better way to get into town and bring some of those lovely things you used to bring for me in the good old days. How 'bout it?"

Teddy came with the drinks and Julia led me to a makeshift booth.

"We'll talk business later, Frankie," Julia said, "let the girl catch up."

"Fine, fine. You friggin' bunch of chatterboxes. Women! Go ahead and talk."

At first Julia and Slash did the talking, confirming what Slash told me earlier only Julia had more disturbing news.

"I keep my ear to the ground, you see? The way we have this set up here, some big wigs in the big houses that were underground during all the chaos are coming out the woodwork like the roaches they are. I hear they got the nerve to be drafting up rules and regulations -- they trying to get a unified country again. No more clans, no more nationalists and a whole lot of rules. Some of the people are buying it, you see? After 20 sum years they don't want to hunt anymore or look over their shoulder or come into places like this."

"See what I mean, Shottie? That's what I was telling you earlier, we have to unify and fight. No more Aryan and Folk just people who don't want to have to deal with the way it was that made the war happen in the first place," Slash said as she slammed her fist on the table for emphasis.

"Bitch, please! Don't be crazy. These ain't some dumb ass Aryans with pistols and sticks. This is the well trained World Army Police who will run y'all asses over 15 minutes after you called yourself 'fighting'. Now we do have to unify, you see? But as one big clan, like our own city in a place away from here. Because they are starting slow but they are efficient and successful in each instant. But they only got so many people and a whole lot of land to cover. We just got to have a big ole clan and stand our ground on our land if they try and come at us. That's where the problem is, you see? Everybody is just giving up."

I let the two of them debate a while before I asked.

"Julia, have you heard anything about her?"

"Girl," she said with concern on her face as she looked at me, "ain't nobody seen her. I don't even think Frankie has. Hell, I don't even think Miss Chichi has." My mouth was dry and I felt like I was about to faint. Julia quickly spoke again.

"I mean, she's all right. I'm assuming she is because I hear stories at the Trade Posts about how she rescued this one or that one from ambushes. I even heard she cut down a couple of dirty pigs trying to ambush some Aryans, if you can believe that shit. I keep hearing stories but I ain't seen her, you see?"

"Yes," I said disheartened. "Is Nina around?"

"She's still with Miss Chichi. Maybe Nina could tell you something? At one point, and I don't know if it's true or not but, Nina was supposedly with the Ghost. I don't know if it's true, you see? All I know is you can't make a ho a housewife." Slash and Julia laughed but I was sinking inside. Had she really tried to settle down with Nina? Better still, would Nina help me if I asked about her?

"I need to get over there, Julia. Could you point me in the right direction?"

"Hey now, I'm not shit in the road, am I?" Slash was indignant. "I know where Miss Chichi is, I can take you to her. I got you here didn't I?"

With Slash leading the way, we walked out of the bar and promised to see Frank another time. She led us into a building that, from the outside, looked like it was about to fall over and kill everyone in it. Once inside, we could see people placed extra support poles and beams not to mention the walls were a lot sturdier than I'd imagined.

Miss Chichi was very happy to see me in her large new apartment. It smelled overwhelmingly sweet and was very warm. There was plush carpeting on the floor as well as the walls and I wondered to myself how she kept it so clean? The lights were a "moody" glow that bathed everything in soft orange colors. There was nothing "soft" about the tone of Miss Chichi's voice.

"Chiiiiiiiile! I thought you got lost in the wilderness! Where have you been? Lemme look atcha, girl! You a grown woman now."

Yolanda was still by Miss Chichi's side -- still bitter.

"Well look what the cat scratched out her ass. And she brought company."

I ignored Yolanda and introduced Julia and Slash.

"We already know that sneaky one," Yolanda cackled. "And didn't you used to be a fat bitch?"

"Just like you used to get wet you dried up old heffa," Julia said back. I tried my best to stifle a laugh.

"A bitch stop eatin' a couple of sandwiches and now she thinks she's bad?"

"You see? Try to be nice to old folks but it doesn't work, they need to be put out of their misery. Ain't nobody came to see you no way. We came to talk to Miss Chichi - in private."

"Awww, no one came to see me?" Nina said as she came in the door. She was beautiful. She was wearing fatigues that were cinched in the right places and tapered to her legs. She had on black combat boots with gold shoestrings. I'd never seen any of the World Army Police officers look anywhere near as hot as she did. Her shirt was unbuttoned enough for anyone to see her ample cleavage and the pants were painted on her very round bottom.

"Holy shit! You're hotter than they say you are," Slash said as Nina walked toward me and grabbed my arm to follow her.

"If you like that sort of thing," Julia replied frowning.

"I LIKE that sort of thing."

I was taken through a door, which was probably put there by Miss Chichi, into the adjoining apartment as Nina began removing her uniform.

"Are you…? Are you a cop now?"

"Girl, hell no," she said smiling at me. "You need a bath."

She was right. I'd been walking for days, rinsing in ponds here and there but nothing since I'd arrived in the city. I started to undress but not fast enough for Nina, who with very swift hands had my shirts and bra off and almost my pants before I stopped her.

"Relax, Snowflake, it's only a bath."

She led me into a room with candles burning and a tub filled with hot water. There was a sweet smell in this room that I could only assume was coming from the candles.

"You've never seen a tub before, Snowflake?"

"Not like that," I said as I studied the porcelain feet at the bottom of the tub. It was long and deep enough for me to stretch comfortably into. I wondered where she got the water since it wasn't very easy to come by in the city. I didn't question because I wanted to enjoy the heat all over my body. She walked out the room and left me alone.

I woke up 15 minutes later with a glistening Nina hovering above me. There must have been a bathroom somewhere else in the apartment. She'd brought fresh towels for me as I continued to wonder where she and Miss Chichi got all their wonderful luxuries. Soap, hot water, towels, this side of town looked horrible but it must have paid very well.

She knelt down near the tub and slowly put her hand in the water.

"You look so tense," she said as she rubbed belly button.

"I…" her fingers found their mark. She knew how to use them and I didn't stop her.

"You want me to go get your gun, Snowflake?" she whispered.

"No…" I heard her chuckle as she moved her magical fingers deeper inside me. I needed this; it'd felt like forever since a woman touched me. Even then, I'd only slept beside The Ghost, the most she ever did was hold me close to her when we were asleep. I didn't care it was enough for me back then. We were together in our own world against the Raiders, the Aryans, the Black Nationalists, the World Army Police, the cold -- each night we went to sleep no one could disturb us. As absolutely beautiful as Nina was and as wonderful as she felt, I wanted the cabin in the mountains. I wanted her.

"Stop." I got out of the tub and reached for a towel. I wanted to dry off, get back in my clothes and ask Miss Chichi if she'd heard anything so I could leave as quickly as possible.

"You are always rushing off, Snowflake," Nina said as she helped me dry myself.

"I was on my way somewhere."

"Oh? Where to, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm looking for a friend."

"Of course you are. Your friend is very special, I see. This is the second time you turned me down for your friend."

"Have you seen her?" I asked but regretted as soon as I did. I didn't want to seem too eager and I was sure she wouldn't help me because she knew she had leverage.

"Nope. Hardly anybody has. But I know someone who could help you."

"Really?"

"Yes. You know it's going to cost you."

Of course it was going to cost me. Nobody does anything in this world for free and the costs are always higher than what it's worth. So many of us received shoddy goods or services but it "cost" us to get it. Why should this time be any different?

But it was. She reached for a heavy, long robe and handed it to me to put on.

"Go out that door and make a quick right. There's a door there, it's open, and you can go on in. When you get what you need then you come back in here and lie with me tonight."

I stared at her. She was a beautiful woman and if she wanted to have sex with me then I would. I could do worse. She saw the thoughts cross my face and interrupted.

"Don't worry, Snowflake, I'm not going to touch you anymore. I don't want to sleep alone tonight and I don't feel like sleeping with a trick or my man. So you go get your info and don't forget to come on back in here and sleep next to a grown woman tonight. OK?"

"I will." I went to her bedroom and looked at my clothes neatly stacked in a chair. My holster was there and I took my .45 with me and headed for the door.

"You don't need that," she called after me.

Now it was my turn to smile at her. "Says you."

"Well look at you all grown up with your bad ass. Go on with yourself and don't forget to come back here."

I cocked my gun before I slowly opened the door. The door flew open and I dropped to the floor tumbling into the room aiming my pistol at SLIM?!

"Chhiiiiillllll."

I put the gun on safety, placed it on the nearest table and ran into Slim, almost knocking him over.

"I can't believe it's YOU! It's been so long! Where have you been? What are you doing here?"

"C'mon, Shottie, girl! How many questions you gone ask a Brotha in one second?"

"I'm sorry. It's good to see you. I thought you got… With the Aryans and all the fighting and stuff…"

"Young girl, don't you know it's gonna take a lot more than a few racist crackers to take me out? Nah, Shottie, things is gettin' tight around here and I mean tight. The government has us active. We been scoopin' up land and shipping people into concentration camps, I call it. They call it settlements. Like, the places look like cities, like mini cities, and they're clean. The cities like this one, long as the people obey the law they got the water turned on, heat and shit, protection - but there's laws. Government laws of course, not like before when the people made laws. The reason why they rounding up Folk and Aryans and Raiders and shit is because they got guns and are fighting back; they don't want no government rules. They trying, hell they doing it out east and the people are just walking right into it. People in this area got a little more time, maybe a couple of years cause they can't round up everybody the way the want. Everybody is too spread out and they don't know they there til they run into 'em, ya dig?"

"So all the water and stuff that's here is coming from the government?"

"Nah! Let's call it a little business venture me and some buddies put together. We know about some gas lines, a few electric lines and Frankie and Miss Chichi hook us up. Even them damn Aryans and some of those stupid ass Raiders who come down here act right. They know if they don't they could get a cap in their ass with no questions asked."

I was so excited to see Slim I almost forgot that I came to ask him the one question I didn't yet.

"Slim, have you heard anything about her? Nobody knows where she is?"

"That's because she don't want nobody to know where she is, ya dig?" he said, his face becoming very serious. "She's the 'Black Ghost', remember?"

"Yes." This was the end of my rope, she didn't want to be found. It was obvious Slim knew something so I resigned myself to finding out if she was alive and well. I would return to the cabin satisfied with that.

"Have you heard whether or not she's alright?"

"I heard that some Raiders and an Aryan ransacked her spot. I heard that she had to up and move out of there real quick. I heard she's chillin' like the Ghost chills and that there is always more than one way to skin a cat."

Damnit Chet. I should never have brought them there. It was my fault her home was destroyed. It was our sanctuary and I let my brother come in and violate it. I knew she couldn't have been that far away if she left Kunte Kente in the house. I felt dejected knowing that she heard the ugly things that my very own brother said about her. Even if I could find her, she probably wouldn't let me utter one sentence to her because of what he'd done -- what I'd done.

"Slim, if you happen to hear anything more or if she comes out of, wherever, could you tell her I'm sorry?"

"I move around a lot myself, Shottie. Besides, if you got an apology to give and you really mean it, that's something, you gotta do in person. Yourself."

"You're right. Thanks, Slim," and picked up my .45 from the table and hugged him goodbye.

"Look, girl, you gettin' pretty fast but never too fast for ole Slim, ya dig?

"Mm hm, I almost put a hole in you, Old Man."

"That's cause I let you think that. You still gots to get up early for me, Shottie."

I went back to the room where a very naked Nina was waiting. I expected the finer points of our deal would be for me to be naked too. I didn't care anymore. I crawled into her bed, put my gun under the pillow and curled into a ball and cried. I tried to control the sobs but the tears were flowing like the dam was broken.

Nina wrapped her arms around me and pulled me toward her naked breasts. I could feel the pulse of her nipples in my back.

"Let it go, Snowflake. This bed has seen many tears and it's never judged once. Neither have I."

I cried myself to sleep in Nina's arms.

Chapter 10

"I've died and gone to Heaven!" was the sound that I was suddenly awakened to. There was a World Army cop in Nina's room, at the foot of her bed, leering at the both of us. I slid my hand under the pillow with the slightest movement I could make and pulled my gun on him before he knew what happened. Nina was already upright in her bed, shaking her head at the cop.

"I'm not working, pig, you need to go."

He took a step toward the bed as if he was going to get in anyway so I cocked my .45 to make sure he got the message. He did, froze in his tracks.

"You see this patch?" he asked pointing to his arm, "Means I'm a Officer of the Government -- not a Civie. You don't want to fuck with me, Lady."

"Pig. Civilian. Everyone bleeds the same when I shoot them."

"OK, OK. I get it. You don't like guys. Don't blame ya, neither do I. You do what the sexy hell you two do and I'll watch. I'll pay, you two sexy bitches are worth each flat."

"CHICHI!" Nina yelled.

"What's the problem? I said I would pay. You gals don't have to watch me, I won't even touch you," he said licking his lips.

Yolanda walked in the room first followed by Miss Chichi and Slash. I figured Julia went on her way having seen me safe at Miss Chichi's.

Miss Chichi was very annoyed with the cop, "I said THREE doors over. Y'all police is getting more stupid by the minute. She ain't working!"

"Don't look that way to me," Yolanda said with a displeased look on her face. "I thought some folks was coming in here to get some information. Guess I guessed wrong."

Nina gave a sharp look to Yolanda, "Don't go spreading shit you don't know, Yola. Sometimes what you see ain't what you see."

The cop spoke up. "Miss Chichi, she doesn't to have the gun on me. I told 'em, I'll still pay. They are fucking sexy. I won't even touch 'em, I promise. The Blonde one, she could just put her face in the Black one's titties… Damn, you girls are hot," he said as his hand hovered toward the growing bulge in his pants.

Yolanda was still upset about Nina and I being in the same bed, naked.

"I see two nekkit bitches in a bed. You telling me that ain't what I see?"

"You know what the fuck I'm talking about," Nina said becoming more annoyed.

"Some people just gotta have every damn thing. Ain't enough to take over a nigga's shit, practically gave it to you. Now a bitch want to track a nigga down to try and take her soul but also have some good pussy for the road. Talk about having your cake and eating it too? Guess that's all you could expect from crackers these days, huh?"

"Look take your old crabby, eavesdropping, nosey ass on out of here so we can straighten this shit out," Nina said.

"Yola, girl," Miss Chichi added, "you ain't right on that one. I can't have you spreading lies in my establishment. Go on and we'll talk later."

Yolanda was indignant. "I'm the only one who can see now? Alright I'll go but y'all gon-."

"Damnit already, you old bat! Could you fucking GO! Your ugly ass is making my dick soft!"

Before any of us knew what was going to happen, Yolanda hauled off and knocked the cop out. I was surprised that she moved so fast, Nina gasped, as her eyes got wider while she watched the cop hit the floor. To all of us it looked like he was falling in slow motion and Miss Chichi was not happy about what Yolanda did.

"BITCH! He was a paying customer and he wasn't gone hurt these girls! Shit, even if he was, Shottie could've taken care of it. What did you hit the man for?"

"Y'all heard him insult me!"

Nina rolled her eyes, "Yola he called you old."

"That's RIGHT! You heard it."

I spoke up, "You ARE old. I'm surprised your hands didn't turn into dust when you hit the guy."

Yolanda lunged toward me and I had my pistol cocked and ready. Miss Chichi intervened by picking her up with one hand and carrying her out of the room. She looked at Slash, suppressing her laughter to show solidarity for her friend, and told her to clean up the "mess" that was the unconscious cop.

Nina hugged my naked body against hers then kicked me out of her bed.

"If you ain't going to be doing anything in here while you're awake then you need to put your feet on the carpet."

I was glad to do so as I went for my pile of clothes.

"Mmmm," she said, "you make me so wet when pull that gun out, Snowflake. You sure you don't want a sample for the road, like Yola suggested?"

"I'm sure. But thanks for everything, Nina." I only wanted to get back to the cabin, see my father, play with Kyrin and try as hard as I could to forget my heartache.

"If you don't find what you're looking for, Snowflake, if you change you mind, look me up."

There was a soft knock at the door and Slash reentered the room. I was fully dressed and ready to go. Nina instructed that I go with Slash so that she could get me on the right road out of town.

"I didn't know how important you were," Slash said excitedly, "but I think you are the best! Guess who I've got a date with, just to make sure I get you out of here safely?"

Nina. "You got me on that one, Slash, haven't got a clue."

"Nina!! Did you see how hot she is? Of course you did, you fucking lucky whore, you. Tell me, huh, does she like anything special?"

Nina was definitely an amazing woman. Only yesterday, Slash was trying to fuck me in an alley and now she was personally escorting me to my safe transport out of town. What a power, indeed.

"Ask her to give you a bath. I'm sure it will be enjoyable for you both."

Slash nearly squeaked with excitement.

We were finally behind a military truck and she instructed me to get in. Something didn't feel right and Slash could sense my hesitation.

"Oh no no no! Hell no you don't. You have to get in this truck. It's gonna be kind of bumpy but you wait for the third long stop this truck makes and then you sneak out. It's a little more government patrolled so that's why you have to be smuggled out. Don't make a fuss."

"Why can't I just go back the way I went came in here?"

"Are you fucking shitting me?" She looked hurt and bewildered. "You're going to ruin my date with Nina. This is the truck she said for you to get on and it's the safest way to get the hell out of town. Maybe it's too crazy to go out of town the other way, I don't know! Are you trying to kill me or what?"

Slash looked absolutely desperate. She was practically begging me to get in the back of the truck for it held a magical promise that very few who don't have the flats have had the pleasure of participating in. Against my better judgment, I climbed in the back of the World Army Police truck.

"Don't forget," she whispered one last instruction, "there will be a bunch of stops but count the long stops. On the third long stop it'll be safe to get out."

There were muffled voices then someone came around to the back of the truck. A person climbed in the back where I was and walked the length of it, checking whatever cargo they would be transporting. The person was on the way out of the truck when a boot bumped into my back. I held my breath, frozen as a solid block of ice, not moving one muscle in my body. The last thing I needed was to be found by a cop, especially when I was hitching an unofficial ride in one of their vehicles. The person climbed out of the truck and went around to the front cabin. I didn't exhale until I heard the doors close.

The ride was as bumpy as Slash promised but I fell asleep for what I thought to be an hour into the trip. I woke up just in time to feel the 1st long pause. I could hear other voices besides the ones I heard before we left the city. We were stopped at some kind of government gas pump and the voices were chatting quite vigorously as they told a bunch of jokes before the truck was moving again.

We were going into the mountains because I could feel the incline and the driver kept shifting the truck a little more than he or she was before. We'd been moving along for probably another half hour before the truck stopped. I couldn't hear much traffic or sounds of other people, so when I heard the doors to the truck open I immediately knew something was very wrong. I heard someone get out and walk around to the back of the truck. The person jumped in the back where I was and walked the length of the truck again. On the way back out a boot did not kick me and I thought I was safe. I wasn't.

Slim removed the tarp that had me hidden for almost two hours, pulled me up by the front of my jacket and threw me out of the truck into a ditch by the side of the road. It knocked the wind out of me but nothing was broken. My bath was wasted because some grimy muck cushioned my fall.

"You got some Dumbo ears on you, Boss," the Chinese cop said as he kept his gun trained on me. "I didn't hear her jump in the back there. She coulda got us busted at our checkpoint. It's a good thing you heard!"

More than likely he was told, I thought to myself. By a dirty rat snitch called Slash.

Never go against your instincts the Ghost once told me. I thought that something wasn't quite right but Slash looked so sincere. I couldn't feel any lower and I knew there'd be no Black Ghost coming from the trees on the side of the road this time. I was on my own.

"Hell! Do you know who this is, Chief?" the short stocky woman asked Slim. "Lorenzo, you keep your gun square on her. That's Shottie and she can kill a man with a Colt .45 Revolver, like back in the ancient days!" The Chinese guy gripped his gun tighter.

"Calm down," Slim finally spoke. He took his hand from behind his back with a big shit-eating grin on his face. He had my .45. He emptied the shells one-by-one onto the ground and kicking them in the muck I had now stood up in.

"What did I tell you, Little Girl? You have to get up very early to get one over on ole Slim."

"Maybe I should've shot your ass like you were stranger?"

"Oo, now, that hurt my heart, Shottie," he said still grinning like the cat that ate the bird. I could see no sense of sorrow or regret in his eyes for his ultimate betrayal.

"Funny I thought you had to have a heart to hurt? It's all about business with you. What happened to us having each other's back?"

"C'mon you know wussup with that. But right now we got to make sure our lucrative ventures aren't in any danger, ya dig?"

"Fuck you, Slim."

"Yeah, Little Girl, you don't mean that."

"Yes I do."

"Well you won't once you see it my way. Ramirez, keep the gun on her. Don't take your eyes off her, Lo, she's a slick one."

Slim climbed in the back of the truck as I watched helplessly. I didn't want to hurt the others -- only him. I was headed back to the cabin, to my family, and now here he had me in the middle of nowhere because it interfered with his business. If only I could get a moment I would kick him as hard as I could in the nuts.

He jumped out of the truck with my packed bag. He walked past me for about 40 feet and threw my bag in the side-of-the-road muck. He went back to the truck again, this time taking out Marva and threw sheath and all right next to my bag.

"Lo," he said, "what's the city looking like?"

"Well, it's probably going to get dark in, like, another hour or so but you got about five hours that way," he said pointing behind me, "to make it back to the city."

Ramirez started to giggle and Slim walked past me again, this time with my .45, and tossed it into the woods behind the muck stream.

I was so angry that I didn't let him pass me on the way back to the truck. I hopped on his back thinking it would be a great idea. His goons wouldn't shoot me while I was on him trying to choke out his very life's breath. I never got the correct grip and he swung me forward over his shoulder, broke my hold, had me by the front of my jacket again and tossed me in the muck with my bag. He stood over me shaking his head.

"Remember, I told you. There's always more than one way to skin a cat. Have a safe trip." He threw a small pouch at me and ran to the truck. The people he had with him were very well trained -- they had the truck moving back up the road before I could get up or even think about running after him.

I opened the Velcro pouch and inside was a set of keys and a compass. I immediately looked behind me and realized the bag he threw in the muck wasn't mine. I opened it and saw a fresh pair of sox and underwear packed on top of snacks and other supplies. When I grabbed Marva I noticed a piece of paper folded in the sheath only the paper wasn't just a piece of paper. It was the one map I took with me when I left the cabin. I unfolded it and saw markings and squiggles that I know didn't make. It was Slim, he did have my back. The map showed me how to get to her -- he and Nina were helping me and I loved them both for it.

I could hear the truck shifting up the road and I ran as fast as I could to see it almost vanishing around a bend.

"SLIM! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" I yelled again seeing him getting smaller in the back of the truck as it climbed the hill. I stood there and started to run again when he flipped me the bird and smiled. The truck disappeared around the bend. I stood in the middle of an empty road, tears flowing down my cheeks with the biggest smile on my face. He was right and I loved him for it.

"I have to get up real early for you, Old Man. I can dig it."

As it turned out, he threw my gun exactly where the path started for me. I grabbed the keys, compass and took a quick look at the map. I was exactly where I was supposed to be according to the marks on it. Julia had been busy too. As I went farther into the woods I saw the ATV she'd ridden when we escaped from the Raiders. There was a hitch attached with two cans of fuel in it. There were also the makings of a small tent inside.

It was growing darker so I decided to set up camp and get some much needed rest for the trip ahead. I lay in the tent gazing over the map and noticed question marks further ahead in the direction I was going. On the other side of what looked like a stream or river, there were cat faces drawn. Was it dangerous? Did it mean there was good hunting in the area? I folded the map and went to sleep. I would have to tackle the problem in the morning.

As it turned out the problem almost tackled me. After several hours of starting and stopping, snack breaks and relieving myself, pushing the ATV out of a muddy spot and reattaching the hitch, I was on my last can of fuel with the gas gauge reading "E".

I'd finally approached a clearer road that would take me closer to the "g" marked on the map. It was smooth driving so I decided to go a little faster until I couldn't any longer. I'd abandon the ATV and walk the rest of the way up the road.

The ATV finally sputtered and stopped for good, it was going no further without gas. It stopped just in time or I would have plummeted to certain injury had I continued. Before me was a bridge. I was supposed to get off the ATV, walk across the bridge and continue on up the road to where "g" marked the spot. That was my plan. However, someone, probably her, had a very different idea for anyone who came in this direction -- no bridge, no crossing.

The bridge wasn't that high off the ground but you wouldn't want to be in a truck or an ATV falling 50 feet down into old rusty cars and other sharp nasty things I couldn't figure out. She made sure it was going to be difficult for anyone to track her. Blow up the bridge so no one could cross it.

But I kept hearing Slim's voice telling me there is more than one way to skin a cat so I headed off in the direction of the map that had the cat faces drawn on it. It was going to be a long walk -- and a climb.

The direction I went continued to elevate; the area was a combination of trees, rocks, and moss or whatever the soft stuff was my boots kept sinking into. I tried to avoid twisting my ankle by taking careful steps. Instead, I slipped on a soft patch and bruised my thigh. I was becoming frustrated with the way I headed when, finally, I reached a clear patch. It was obvious I was high up in the hills and at the end of the road again. This time there was no bridge before me, only valley and some lovely treetops.

Where was I?

The answer rested below me. I looked down and saw what appeared to be a large corrugated metal box. It was the kind the Raiders used to build their shanties with. This one was a lot longer than what I'd seen at the camp. I knelt down and near the edge I could see a rope ladder. I tested its strength for my peace of mind. I didn't know what I was doing or if the ladder was safe, who knew if she rigged it to break once someone started to climb down. I got down the ladder with no problem at all and saw my surroundings. This was definitely her new home. I was on the roof of one of the large boxes and climbed down to another shorter box. Everything was metal and very sturdy.

When I finally climbed down to ground level I could see some traps carefully laid to look like no one was here. It looked so surreal I began to wonder if she really was here or if she'd seen the place and moved on. There was no indication of a pond or river like near the cabin and only then did it occur to me that there were no dear, or any kind of hunting that I could see, on my way here.

I went around the side of the box and saw a door. When I put my hand on the handle, I took a deep breath I was no nervous. I opened the door slightly and it was pitch black inside. I let the door stay open just a crack while I reached into the bag Slim (or Nina) packed for me. In it was a flashlight that you had to wind to work. Few could afford the scarce commodity that was batteries so you rarely found anyone with a "torch". I was lucky to have the wind up light proving that Slim (or Nina) did think of everything.

The room was empty. It looked like it was deserted for months. The place was very roomy on the inside and smelled like smoke. There were sandbags stacked three feet high all along the corrugated walls. There was a small table against the wall with a lamp on it. A few feet from the table was a pallet that looked like it was slept in a long time ago. She was here for certain but she'd disappeared again.

I aimed the light at the far end of the wall away from the table and pallet and saw a large metal wheel. I went over to the wheel and sat down beneath it, my back resting against the wide ridges and troughs.

"Where do I go now, my love?" I closed my eyes and pictured her face. I could smell the sweet scents from our cabin mixed with smoke in this metal box.

"You are a tough one to fi-." Something looked out of place on the ceiling that made me wonder what was up there to cast such a strange kind of shadow? I closed it and wound the light up to shine brighter. There was a door in the ceiling! Next to the door was what looked like a ladder and a bunch of pulleys and rods that led right to the wheel I was sitting underneath.

I stood up and turned the wheel. The ladder wound from the ceiling to the floor, until it stopped and locked into two grooves in the floor I hadn't noticed. Someone definitely came here to maintain the pulley system. The wheel didn't squeak once and it was very easy to turn. The ladder didn't buckle or creak and supported each step as I made my way up to the door. The door had a wheel on it, much like the one that let the ladder down from its hiding place. I opened the door and the familiar sweet smells of the cabin greeted me.

I climbed up into a small waiting area. I knew I must be in the other corrugated steel box I'd climbed on before I came in from the bottom; this was her second floor!

I turned off the flashlight because there was a lamp on a wire above me casting a soft yellow glow. I could see hooks for coats and her coat was there! My heart beat faster as I reached out and touched her coat. I grabbed it, buried my face in it and inhaled. She was here. I would leave if she wanted me to but I was going to say what I'd come to say and see her face just one more time. I'd found her!

I saw her boots on a mat so I took off my own boots and placed it on the mat beside them. I also took off my coat and hung it on one of the spare hooks. There were long black plastic flaps that separated the holding area from the main room. I walked through the flaps and was mesmerized.

Lamps bathed the room in a warm glowing light. Somehow the corrugated steal box was also built into the side of the hill. Part of the wall was metal and part was rock. There was a lot of room to walk, unlike the coziness of the cabin. There was a table with books stacked on it, shelves with very familiar jars and eating utensils, another table with a car battery powering the radio that played a woman singing about feeling natural… Off in a far corner on the rock side of the room, there was another short box with the largest showerhead I'd ever seen in my life. I opened it and looked in. It was a working shower with a red ("hot") and blue ("cold") wheel for whatever kind of shower you wanted to take. On the side of the box was a metal slab that had soaps, shampoos, and a basket with maxi-pads. Pads? Where on Earth did she find these luxuries? It had been ages since I washed my hair with her homemade shampoo. Not far from the slab was another box with some clean folded towels on top of it. I was a mess! The least I could do is look presentable so I stripped off all my clothes and took a hot shower.

Feeling refreshed and still quite nervous, I explored further her new surroundings. She'd made it very cozy even though there was so much space. I noticed the bed was bigger too. It had posts and it wasn't low to the floor. After borrowing a T-Shirt from the box that the towels were resting on I climbed in the bed to see how it felt. It was a far cry from the small bed with the animal skins piled high. This bed felt like a big comfortable pillow I'd slept on once at a Trade Post. I couldn't tell what the mattress was but I certainly didn't care. Instead of an animal skin cover I rolled around in whatever fur it was she used to keep her warm. Lying on the bed I looked up and saw something hanging from one of the bedposts. It was my necklace! I never even noticed when we'd buried Garr he didn't have it. She must have picked it up during the melee -- she kept it this whole time. I was staring at my necklace when I heard a swooshing sound from beyond the foot of the bed. I looked up and it was her.

She was humming a tune looking at a bottle of wine that I'd never seen before. I was taken by surprise at how beautiful she still was to me. She wasn't gangly anymore she had strong arms, her shoulders looked stronger. I knew the scar was there but it'd gotten softer with age. She still looked as young as she did when she rescued me by the lake but her eyes seemed much older, wiser. Her hair was longer, in a wild curly Afro that drove me crazy. She wore a tank top, which accented her breasts and showed a little belly button while her sweatpants remained baggy, only hinting at the curves of her hips. I stood frozen holding my necklace.

She looked up from reading the bottle and stopped her song. She placed the bottle on the table behind her and smirked at me.

"So, you came to tear some more shit up?"

I felt self-conscious I was sitting on her bed, again invading her space. I jumped off the bed and started to speak.

"I…" I could barely say a thing. Why was I so nervous around her when I never was before? I looked in her eyes for help -- there was none. She crossed her arms and waited for me to spit it all out, keeping her distance.

"I'm sorry about the cabin and the distiller. Chet is stupid, very VERY stupid. But he means well and he's a good big brother -- I wanted to be just like him once. It's not an excuse, I shouldn't have taken them to our -- your home…"

She only stood, staring at me in silence. I felt my tough resolve melting away. I wasn't going to be able to keep the promise I made to myself. If she didn't say something, anything soon I would start crying.

"I'm sorry about saying you're not my mother. I know you raised me when I wasn't with my family… I… I never wanted you to be my mother, OK?"

She walked toward me as I started to shake. The tears were already running down my face.

"I didn't want you to be my mother because I love you. I wanted you to love me back but not like a mom… I love you." I was a complete wreck, shaking and tears flowing. I was angry with myself for breaking down this way. The angrier I got for not keeping my cool, the more I cried. My plan was to be hard as nails, apologize, then turn around and leave. The plan evaporated the moment I saw her.

She grabbed a towel, pulled me close to her and held my face in her hand. She wiped my face with the towel and looked at me, shaking her head.

"Khyra, you always were a crying chick," she said as she softly wiped away my tears.

"I love you."

"And you couldn't tell me without breaking all the shit in our house?" she asked as she looked in my eyes and smiled.

I fell in her arms and held her close to me. I inhaled, taking in the perfume of her scents mixed with the outdoors and colognes she wore. She held me back and I never wanted to let go of her. I could already feel my entire body blushing as she squeezed me closer and I let her hands travel down my back.

"Baby, I love you too," my knees buckled when she whispered in my ear, "and I want my shirt back."

Our clothes were thrown in a small pile on the floor next to the bed. I don't remember who took what off of whom because we stripped so fast.

"Let me." I said to her and she obliged.

Finally, I was able to exorcise the Ghost. She was here with me, in my hands, my face buried in her while she moaned in ecstasy. Her hips moved in a rhythm that I always knew they would. I dreamt about the moment I would see her so vulnerable, without the protection of having to defend me from everything and everyone. I wanted to do this for her, to her, and feel her surrender to my love. The more she moaned the harder my nipples were -- the wetter I got until she came, leaving me feeling just as spent as she was.

"Damn, girl, I didn't know you could do that."

"I didn't know I could either. I wanted to."

She held me close to her as she rubbed my stomach; every circle she made I felt my body getting warmer.

"You were in a little hurry, though. You going somewhere?"

I was worried, "You didn't like it?"

"Nah, Baby, I loved it. But next time we gone slow it down and cover some spots you missed, aight? I mean, unless you have some place pressing you have to be?"

"I'm right where I want to be."

She kissed me - slowly. I could feel the kiss in my toes. She traced her tongue from my neck to my nipples, which no longer listened to any of the signals my brain was sending them. My body belonged to her now. What ever she touched ached to be touched again.

She stopped, looked at me and chuckled.

"Yo, I remember when a little girl called me a cannibal. You remember that?"

"Sure, make fun of a scared little girl."

"It's true, ain't it though? I remember she was shaking and crying and begged me not to eat her."

I gently traced my finger down the length of her scar and looked her in her eyes.

"Baby," I softly replied, "we're going to have a problem if you don't."

"Well we don't want no problems now, do we?"

She took command of my body. I was on fire in places I never knew could feel that type of pleasure. Nina had magical fingers but hers were heavenly. Each stroke she took made me wrap tighter around her two fingers, which she later called "Sorcery" and "Magic". When she tasted me it was as if she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I ran my fingers through her soft hair while she devoured me, taking me to heights far beyond the tallest trees in the forest. I pulled her hair and she continued to send me on a natural high.

Back arched, no one to stop us, I lost all my inhibitions. If people had a hard time finding this place in the past, my screams of pure pleasure would certainly give up our location.

"OH GOD! I'm coming, Baby… I'm… GOD!"

If time would stand still I could stay here and never be unhappy. I cuddled close to her, wanting to be a part of her, so happy to finally be in her world and she in mine.

"You were making some grown ass woman sounds, Khyra."

"I told you I'm not a little girl anymore."

"No, you are not," she said and kissed me.

We heard the door on the bottom level close. Someone found us and I'd left her door open and the ladder down for them to come right up.

She'd already leapt out of bed, grabbed the sawed off shotgun and I slipped over to my pile of clothes and removed my .45 from its holster. We hopped back in the bed and covered ourselves. We would ambush them before they knew what to do.

Much to my surprise, and complete disbelief, Chet walked through the plastic flaps with Kyrin.

"Khyra, you are OK!" Kyrin said smiling, "we heard screams and came up here to help."

"Chet are you fucking kidding me?? And you brought, Kyrin with you?" I stayed in the bed under the fur cover for I was stark naked when they walked in. She hadn't come out to show herself either. Chet was going to be real sorry because, this time, I was going to kill him myself!

"Nooo. I didn't BRING Kyrin. He followed me."

"And you followed me!"

"Hey, someone had to have your back. And besides it's a good thing the kid came because we lost you a couple of times but he found your trail. He's really good, you don't leave much of a trail."

"Chet I'm fine. God, Kyrin, your Mom's probably freaking out!"

"I left a note."

I sighed, "You left a no- you guys… What the hell, Chet?"

"I wasn't going to let you go'damn roam the world and get hurt somewhere, Baby Sis!"

Kyrin, who'd been watching me in the bed, realized that I wasn't alone.

"Uh, Chet, I think she's OK. Maybe we should leave."

"No way, Buddy, not until we make sure everything is cool around here. This place is awesome! What IS this place? How come you didn't-?"

She slid down the foot of the bed, grabbed her sweats and top, and went to the table.

Kyrin's face lit up. He'd been hoping, one day, he'd see the Black Ghost again.

"We didn't leave a trail this time. Promise." he said to her.

"Whoa! This is YOUR place?" Chet asked. "How come you get all the cool places?"

She took the books and wine off the table. She ducked behind the table and came out with a large contraption in her other hand.

"Do you know how to read?" she asked as she approached Kyrin.

"Yes."

"Good," she said and handed Kyrin the stack of books she'd just taken from the table. "I still like these kinds of books and I'm bigger than you; you should like them too."

"You got Dr. Seuss? Sweet! We're gonna like those, Buddy."

She turned to Chet who was still excited about the Dr. Seuss books and showed him the contraption. "You wind it up really good and you should have bright light for three, four hours. After that, light the lamp. Here, have something to drink too."

"Thanks. Hey, I'd just like to say I'm -- I'm sorry about the cabin incident, you know. I wanted to protect my family because they would have starved… Uh, I said a few things… I didn't mean th-."

She disappeared through the flaps at the far end of the room. When she returned she had a couple of large jars in her hands. She gave them to Chet.

"You know what pickles are, right? I think you like those, don't you? And this is pineapple. Take this to the lower level and send the kid back up to get the rest."

"How did you guys get here?" I had to know if I'd left that much of a messy trail.

"We followed you to the bridge. We didn't even know you were here until we heard…" Kyrin blushed. "We thought you fell in the pit."

"How did you get across the bridge?" she asked.

Chet spun around to reveal a large, heavy looking crossbow strapped to his back.

"Zipline!" he said pleased with himself, "My idea."

"And you left a way across the bridge for others now, did ya?"

"Noooo," Chet responded with melodramatic indignity, "we cut the line -- from OUR side and no one is the wiser. There's a special way we did it too so nobody can see where the line was anchored."

"MY idea," Kyrin said.

"Aight, Little Man. You know the cabin you came from, right? Do you listen to the big funny looking radio?"

"Yes! My Daddy won't let me touch it though. And we only listen to it at night when they talk about the Posts and the city. Sometimes they would talk about you but not so much anymore."

"Good," she said. "Now it's time for you and your big bad cousin to get the hell outta here. Come back up to get some food -- I'll leave it for you on the table. Keep your eyes on the table, get the food then back out the door, aight? And CLOSE the door. Eyes ahead on the table. You look at the bed, you peek once, and I'ma cut them out with a fork. Got it?"

"Yes. Let's go Chet."

After she went to the back, placed a pot and some eating wares for Kyrin, she took off her clothes in one fluid motion and climbed back in bed with me. It felt good having her with me again. I wrapped my legs around her waist and moved my hips a little. She moved until she was on top of me peppering my face with kisses.

Chet turned around, balancing everything in his arms, "Uh, just to be clear we're all OK, correct?"

"Chet, let's go," Kyrin said impatiently, "no peeking."

"I'm not, Buddy, I just want to make sure we're all on the same page."

She kissed my neck then whispered in my ear, "Please tell your brother to go or I'm going to shoot him - with a bullet this time."

I squeezed my legs tighter around her.

"No you won't," I started to giggle.

"I will," she said laughing with me.

"Ladies, a little confirmation would be nice."

I looked near the door where he stood, "I'm fine, Big Bro. You should go before you drop something." I looked in her eyes and repeated, "I'm fine."

"When did those two get together anyway?"

"We can talk about it later, Chet," was the last thing I heard Kyrin say. I wasn't even sure if he came back and got the food she left for them.

We'd drifted away to our own world, population: just us two.

Chapter 11

Unless you were part of the World Army Police and had medical expertise at your beck and call, a few retired nurses and the occasional doctor at certain Trade Posts provided your medical needs. There were more people during the time after The End War, who went to see fake mystics and sages or swore by those with ineffective home remedies. Some, who still believed in RAHOWA, the ones who could have been saved by an experienced Native medicine person or a some nurse who happened to be Folk, died because they wouldn't be touched by a "subservient". Ignorance killed a lot of people. Ignorance got a lot of people sick.

Ignorance tested our love -- my ignorance.

Of course, that's what those who tell the story will say.

But I won't use my ignorance as an excuse. I knew what I wanted and was aware of only one way to get it; I took nothing else into account. For that, no claims of me not knowing can erase the pages of history, no matter how beautiful the result.

Our new home was the mini-fortress she told me about that belonged to the late Imhotep and Shabazz. She kept it just the way they did in honor of the great men they were. It was clean, very strategically placed and stock full of supplies. No wonder very few people saw her, she only surfaced for the bare necessities of feminine hygiene and, for some strange reason, Imhotep and Shabazz even accounted for those.

She spoke into the CB radio on the special frequency the two of us used to listen to while we lived at the cabin and assured Sara and a hysterical Uncle Jeff that Kyrin was OK. After that day, we didn't see my brother or my cousin for a month. It was a very blissful month.

Every chance we could, we made love. There were still chores to be done, patrols around the perimeter to make, traps to set, and a little fishing and hunting to do but once that was finished it was off to bed -- or off to the storage trailer or a couple of times in the woods or as a treat to ourselves, because water was a luxury, in the shower.

We started traveling back to the city and traded a lot of weed and the seemingly endless supply of wines Imhotep and Shabazz had in the storage trailer. It was far more than we could ever drink (or that she could pour on my body and lick off which became my favorite way to have wine) and Frank always charged his customers more for it. He was very happy to see us return to the stomping grounds. He'd never admit it but we knew he was happy to see us -- together.

Miss Chichi (and Yolanda), Nina, and Slash saw us more frequently too. Miss Chichi and Nina always had advice or a fun new gadget for us to try when we were tucked away in what Yolanda called, with her usual bitter tone, our "Secret Love Lair". I assumed she was angry because the only person who knew how to find us, besides Kyrin and Chet, was Slim and he never let on to anyone that he knew where we were.

We were happy -- I was ecstatic. The feeling was much more than when we were together in the beginning, just two kids surviving in a humble cabin -- I finally felt as if peace was ours to have.

We'd returned from the city on the ATV after making several circles and losing Slash for the fourth time that month. I'd gotten the head's up from Teddy that Slash had a running bet with Nina and Slim that she would find out where we lived. She'd always end up near a World Army Police checkpoint that Slim was running or somewhere in the safer parts of the woods. We'd never laughed as hard as we did than when we would turn to a secure frequency on the radio and talk about how many more flats Slash lost or how many favors she owed Nina.

After we camouflaged the ATV and took a less treacherous route than the one I originally took get to her, we headed for the lair.

Once inside the lower level I had a feeling that something was different.

She could see it all over my face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Something feels funny, Baby."

"Yeah, we got company," she said as she pointed to the lamp near the pallet, it was lit. I got myself ready, gun in hand.

She rolled her eyes. "That won't be necessary, Boo, it's your brother - I know it."

"How can you be sure?" I whispered. She went to the far wall to let down the ladder, "Because he must've sensed I want some lovin', blocker that he is and," she pointed to his boots by the table near the lamp, "he left a trail."

"But the ladder…"

"Little Man, Baby," she said and she kissed me, "he's got to be here with him. He probably saw the wheel upstairs that lifts the ladder from up there and they up there right now, chillin'."

They were.

Kyrin was in the shower because they jumped in some kind of mucky bog to avoid being seen, Chet had already taken his. He ran to me and gave me a big perfumed smelling hug. Her knife was already out so Chet, wisely, shook her hand.

"You guys miss us?" Chet asked beaming.

"No."

"Sure," I said, "We did, Big Bro."

"We still brew and we have some new flavors that you won't believe. We even make tonics, ask Kyrin."

Kyrin rushed out of the shower trying to hide his nakedness. She threw him a towel.

"It's made out of that weed you guys take to the city, it's very good for stomach aches," he said as he dried himself off.

"We think you and Mary Grumplekins over there can help us enjoy a lucrative venture and get some of this go'damn cool crap like you have. What do you say, Baby Sis?"

"You sound like Slim is what I say."

"No."

"Baby," I turned to her, "don't say no before you even see what they have."

"Fine. But since Little Man is coming to the city with us, he rolls with me. You can stay with Trail Master. And you all have to do what I say or I shoot you, diggit?"

She came closer and whispered to me, "You know this is pretty much the end of us getting sex on the regular, right?"

I looked at her doubtful of what she said -- surely she had to be exaggerating.

"No, that's not -- nooo…"

But she was right.

At first they came by once a month. Then I showed Kyrin the map I had and an alternate safer route to take, and they came once a week with a list of things the rest of the family wanted.

Kyrin enjoyed going to the city when Sara would allow us to take him. He was a sponge, absorbing everything. When he began talking about wanting to own a machete, he sealed his fate and was left at the cabin when we made our runs. Secretly, Uncle Jeff thought it would be great if Kyrin had the skills Chet and I had when we were his age, especially the fighting part. Sara would have none of it. She didn't want her son to be a killer; she wanted him to be a peaceful man who would be a future leader of peace in our world. She was having no more "ghosts" or "shooters" or more senselessly violent people as part of her family, Chet explained the first time he came to us without Kyrin.

We made a compromise (without Sara's knowledge) and she taught Kyrin how to fight with sticks. She made his weapons out of a smoothed tree branch she cut in half. She got a bunch of large ball bearings to place on the ends of the branches and secured them with duct tape. He kept his weapons with us and made sure he practiced each time he was allowed to come with Chet. Just for us to make our conscience feel better we made him promise never to use his weapons on anyone unless he was defending himself or the family. I made him read as she let me do so long ago, maps, books and he loved numbers as much as I did at his age. Our love for Kyrin grew as if he were our own.

Our lust for each other was also growing.

There was a perimeter check that we allowed Chet to do with us. Slim was on one of his visits so we were able to use his walkie-talkies while he stayed at "home base". The rest of us circled around the woods, making sure the traps were set and the place looked as dangerous and foreboding as possible.

I came upon a shelter that looked freshly made. There was a fire going but I couldn't see anyone. Ordinarily I would pass the shelter by but it was in our "red zone". The people who built that shelter could stumble along to our home and then we'd have a world of complicated decisions to make.

I radioed to Slim, "I think we may have a problem. I see some squatters. Any suggestions?"

"Chhhiiiillll. Chet come back to base and I'll use my badge to tell 'em to scoot. Gimme your position, Shottie."

I'd just finished the last sentence when I was grabbed from behind and a large knife was pressed against my throat.

"You're coming with me, Little Girl. If you make any attempt to scream I-."

I elbowed her in the ribs and tossed her over my hip on to her back.

"Took you long enough," I said as I passionately kissed her.

She broke free, "Let's go in there."

"Oh my -- you made that shelter?"

"Yeah. No twigs sticking me in the back like the last time."

"We have to hurry, I thought there were squatters. I called it in to Slim."

"Shit! Aight, c'mon, Baby. I haven't touched you all week. Some is better than none."

It was hot and carnal, she touched me I touched her. Clothes were torn, hair was pulled, and I saw a bunch of very beautiful stars when we came. I would bet that she saw them too.

By the time Slim arrived we were out of breath and dismantling the shelter. He looked at us suspiciously.

"So, squatters, huh?"

"Yep," she answered.

"We took care of it," I added.

"Y'all look kinda tired, how many was here?"

"Couple," I answered.

"Yeah a couple. There was -- we had to fight off… Um… They was tryin' to get us."

"How many?"

"Five."

"Four."

"Four for her," I said avoiding Slim's eyes, "and five I scared away."

"Nine cats? In that little bitty shelter for two?"

"Yeah," she said looking at me, "they were small. Short people so they could -- they were little…"

"Uh hunh. Yo Shottie," he said as we headed back to base, "don't forget to take the little people they drawers." He handed me my panties and winked. I blushed.

When we returned we saw Chet standing outside with Kyrin. I was immediately angry.

"Kyrin, what did we say? I don't care how well you know the lay of the land, you do NOT come here alone!"

"What the hell happened to you guys out there?" Chet commented on our torn clothes.

"Squatters." Slim chuckled.

"You should have let me come kick some butt too!" Chet replied disappointed.

Kyrin looked upset that I was angry with him.

"Khyra, I didn't come by myself."

"Well you couldn't have come with Chet because he's been here with us."

"Baby," she motioned for me to come inside, "he didn't come alone."

My father, Uncle Jeff, Sara, five Apache, and Slash were standing in the dimly lit space that was downstairs.

My father went toward her and hugged her with all of his might. When he pulled away I saw he was misty, trying his best to hold back the tears.

"I've waited a long time to do that. I thank you for helping my family, especially my daughter. Her mother would be very proud to welcome…"

"Hell, you're part of our clan for godsakes." She looked at Uncle Jeff as if he were a crazy man. "Or we're part of yours, which ever suits you. I mean, you're family is what I mean."

"And as part of the family, I'm going to need to trouble you once more, I'm afraid," my Dad said with a concerned look on his face.

"This won't count, yeh, Slim?" Slash said. She didn't feel she'd earned the right to claim any bet money owed under such serious circumstances. Somehow my family had managed to persuade Slash to get in touch with me. How they knew her I didn't know but Slash knew the way to get to me was through Slim.

"They came to me and they're in a jam. Let's say we wipe the bet?"

"I dig it. What's going on then?" he asked.

The cabin was gone. Burned to the ground by World Army Police officers. The well water was seized and there's probably a brand new official WAP checkpoint there because of the clean water source.

"I'm sorry, Sister," one Apache knelt and said to her. "This is my fault. I brought this to your door."

"Somebody get to the point. What the fuck is going on?"

"Please, can we not have so much foul language? Can we make that a change in this new environment?" Sara asked. "I'll tell you what happened."

My father found the wise woman who advised him about me. She was a very lovely woman named Helena who looked much younger than her age. I could see why my father was in love with her. The Apache who apologized is her son, Steven. They ran a shop at the Trade Post where Dad would give them some supplies to trade (the reason for the lengthy lists Chet had when he came to visit) as well as get a chance to see Helena.

The day Helena was at the cabin, Steven was at the shop with his Grandparents (the two older Apache) when some cops came in to "inspect" the goods. It's important that one knows an official inspection would have you get a yellow sticker on your shop if there are any violations, which you'd be responsible for correcting. In an "unofficial" inspection your shop is ransacked, the prohibited goods are taken, probably for personal consumption, AND a yellow sticker is issued.

Steven was fed up and fought back. He called the cops pigs and spat at one of them. He was slapped to the ground for his behavior so Grandma, Grandpa, and their regular customer (Jake, the fifth Apache) pulled out rifles on the cops. The two officers left vowing to return with reinforcements. Steven, in his haste ran with Jake to the cabin, leading the cops right there. Neither one of them had a clue.

Everyone left the cabin to go back to the Trade Post and make peace with the offended officers. While they were at the Post, the World Army Police was burning and confiscating.

When they returned and found the burnt shell of the cabin it was decided, much to Sara's objections, to go to the city and wait for us to come down. They figured they would come back with us -- until they met Slash. She told Frank who they were and he helped get them a vehicle that Slash drove the first half of their trip then Kyrin led them the rest of the way.

"My boy is good as you know," Uncle Jeff said interrupting Sara's story, "he did not lead anybody here, Khyra."

"Chet told us that you have a nice upstairs, Muffin. We'll stay out of your hair. This place is big enough right here for all of us. We can make it manage."

There was a long silence. I watched her face as she thought it over and she wasn't happy. The more people there were, the more egos got involved -- the more room for error.

"We run the show here," I finally said. "Right, Baby?"

She still looked deep in thought.

"You'll have to help with patrols and you can't just run all over the place. No one knows this place exists. No Raiders, cops, no one."

"Yeah!" Chet piped in. "Me and the Big Guy did a pretty damn good job of keeping people away from here so we don't need you guys tracking up the place."

She still didn't look pleased.

"And no one, absolutely NO one comes upstairs without being invited. Baby, what do you say?"

She looked at me with the warm expression on her face that always made me melt before she said, "I'm yours."

I looked at her and said it loud for all of my family to hear, "And I'm yours. Daddy, are we clear?"

My father looked at me with pride in his eyes, "It's your show, Muffin."

"Aight, Apache Brotha," she turned to Steven, "You are gonna help me and the Trail Master run a line down here for y'all to have some hot water for the shower cause you ain't using ours after tonight. Slim, you think you could get me some shi- stuff for us to make them a shower?"

"You know how to make a shower? Who ARE you?" Chet asked amazed.

"Don't worry, Trail Master," she said, "you'll know how to make one too."

"Sweet."

For a while, things were very sweet.

She and Chet became closer, although you couldn't tell by the way she spoke to him. Sara gave up trying to protect Kyrin from violence because Steve showed him how to hunt. Uncle Jeff was a much better fisherman than hunter and Sara like to eat meat. She reasoned that if we ever got split up again, at least she'd have someone who could get her meat.

I wanted a baby.

We'd discussed my having a child and she thought it was a great idea so one day we made a list of candidates. That had been some time ago -- then my family showed up. The urge had gone away for a bit but my interaction with Kyrin, and his affection for us, made the feelings come flooding back. I wanted to bring the subject to her again but something always came up or got in the way. We barely had time for each other with all the changes that we were experiencing by having a new clan.

Honestly, I didn't bring it up again because I didn't want to hear her say, "no". Sure, it was "yes" when it was just the two of us in a place no one knew existed but so much had changed since our last discussion.

I could have easily brought up the matter while we prepared for bed, after her shower, my shower, after our secret "meetings"; I didn't want her to tell me all the logical reasons why we shouldn't at this time. My mother had me in far worse conditions. My family was always on the move, we on the other hand, were settled even if it was a little bit crowded. But the stress and roaming took its toll on my mother -- I didn't want her to use the death of my mother against me…

We'd made our candidates list but there was only one man, who wasn't on the list, I wanted to be the father of my child -- Slim.

I'd boldly approached him and he ran from the idea. He wanted no parts of it. I was surprised by his reaction after all the flirtations that went back and forth between us. I didn't want Slim as a husband or a lover but I was quite sure he wanted to have sex with me. It took me by surprise when he flatly refused even when I tried to make advances.

"Yo, what your girl gotta say about this?"

I wanted to lie but I couldn't.

"We've talked about having a baby; I know she wants a child but she doesn't know that I've made up my mind to try."

"Sheeit, girl, you tryin' to get a Brotha killed?"

"Slim, I don't want anybody else to be the father. Please could you help me?"

"Look, Shottie, this is a big thing. You know, being a daddy and shit. And me being on patrol with the cops… I would want to at least see my kid sometime, ya dig?"

"Slim…" I didn't know what else to say.

"I'll have to get back to you on that one, Shottie."

When he left I thought that would be the last I'd hear from him and I'd have to put the question of having a child on the shelf.

Until one day, out of the blue, Slim found me while it was my turn to do the perimeter sweep. He led me to the blown out bridge. I was worried, thinking he'd heard some important news from the World Army Police I followed him with my heart in my throat. His face was set and he told me with his most serious voice that he would meet me by the bridge for as long as took for me to get pregnant.

I was completely taken off guard but it was some of the happiest news I'd heard in a while. I told him that there had to be a time frame for me to get pregnant; I didn't in any way want this to be a free sex session that we would keep having if nothing happened. I let him know in no uncertain terms my love was for her and this was only business.

"I can diggit but I'ma need you to do something for me."

"I'm not sucking anything, Slim. And you're not putting your dick anywhere else in my body."

"Nah, Shottie, it's not that. If it's a boy I want you to name him after me. My first name is Leslie, OK? I want you to give him that name. Y'all decide if you gone use my family name or your family name but the boy's name is going to be Leslie like his Daddy, ya dig?"

"I can diggit, Slim."

It only took two visits to the bridge for me to get pregnant just before my 23rd rolled around.

Unfortunately, it took one visit for me to see the most painful thing I'd ever witness, the hurt look on my love's face when she caught us.

I was doing the perimeter again and I'd finished. In my haste to see Slim so he could get back on duty before the Police saw him missing, I forgot to check in. He was just finishing when she had the draw on us both. Her face was devastated when she realized what was going on.

"Shit! Babe, it's not what it looks like." Slim began to explain, "People say that shit all the time, I know, but it really isn't."

"You didn't call in," she said, "so I came… I thought this dude was…" she couldn't finish, dropped her shotgun and walked away.

Each step she took broke my heart. She looked so small and defeated, I wanted to hold her and explain everything -- try and make her understand. I wanted to take away the horrible pain I saw across her face, pain that I put there. Why didn't I tell her what I was doing in the first place? I would have to live with that look for the rest of my life.

I ran after her.

"Baby, please," I grabbed her arm. She quickly pulled away from me. She was crying -- I died inside.

" 'Baby'? The fuck outta here! Don't touch me, Khyra. Do not EVER touch me again. And don't call me that, either." I watched her walk away, wondering if she was going to leave for good.

Slim walked up beside me and handed me her shotgun.

"Look, get yourself back to the crib. She's gonna be mad because she don't know what she just saw here. I'll explain it to her and you'll be alright, ya dig?"

"Not this time, Slim. I crossed a line this time, I should have explained… I don't know…"

She did stay but only in body. There was interaction with my family but she wasn't there for me. After a month everyone started to notice the distance between us.

Helena told my father I was pregnant, she said my face was different. She had a knack for these things and my father questioned me about it.

"Is that the reason you two aren't talking?" he asked.

"Yes, Daddy, it is."

"I don't understand you kids; I thought you loved her, Muffin? You looked like you loved her."

"I did it because I do love her, Daddy. I just -- I should've spoken to her about it instead of taking matters into my own hands."

"Well, for what it's worth, she's hurting because she still loves you. She wouldn't be if she didn't care. And I know this might not sound right but I'm excited to have a Grandbaby on the way."

"Thanks, Daddy."

We spoke a little more and Helena joined us. She advised me that I should go to see Miss Chichi in my third month so she could find someone to examine me, make sure the baby was OK.

I couldn't wait for the time to pass to go to the city. She would go on perimeter watch, or wherever, when it was bedtime and when I was awake she would sleep but not anywhere we could find her.

I grew jealous as she and Chet became closer. He was always telling something or about some adventure that they went on. He couldn't contain himself when he learned a new skill. If they took Kyrin, it was worse. Her concern, her laughter, her smile, her words -- it was all forbidden to me, but for Kyrin or Chet…

Miss Chichi was a welcome sight to see, full of laughter and immediate "motherly" concern. Yolanda was the same old Yolanda. Word had gotten back about how I became with child but Miss Chichi assured me they were the only two who knew. I was happy about that because I was also there to ask Nina to be a godmother.

"You got some kind of nerve coming around here," Yolanda said.

Slash walked in very worried when she saw me.

"You have to get the hell out of here right now," she said looking over her shoulder.

"What's going on?" I asked Slash.

"I don't know what the hell you did but-."

Nina stepped into the open door. She looked as gorgeous as she always did but there was something different. She had on sweats. I'd never seen her in sweats and her face was serious.

Slash noticed her face too, "Oh shit."

I greeted her and asked her if we could talk. I'd decided that it would be best to get it out of the way and ask her.

"Sure," she said but she forced a smile.

"Is everything, OK?" I asked.

"Sure. Let's go to my room and talk."

"Nina!" Miss Chichi shouted after us, "don't violate my establishment. You better listen to that girl first!"

We got in Nina's room and she slammed the door behind us.

"You are one ballsy bitch!"

"Nina what the hell is wrong with you?"

She moved quicker than I anticipated. She grabbed me by the throat and threw me on her bed. She was a lot stronger than I'd ever given her credit for. She pulled out her stiletto knife and held it to my face.

"You supposed to like girls and shit. You so supposed to be all in love. You don't want to fuck me but you fuck my MAN?"

Her man?! Slim?

"I didn't know, Nina."

"Yeah right, all you bitches say the same thing! So before I stick you bitch, tell me, he fatten your ass up so he could hit it again? You know he likes a bitch thick. Well he can hit that shit again I don't care. He's going to be hittin' with a bag over your face because I'm going to cut your shit up!"

"Nina, please! I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant. If you're going to cut me then cut me. Believe me, I didn't know you two were together. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have cared. I just wanted to have a baby, Nina. I'm asking you not to kill me because I want to see my baby."

She looked sad and told me to leave.

"I know this may not be the best of timing but I didn't just come down here to see Miss Chichi. I want you to be a godmother to my child."

There was a look of shock that crossed her face.

"You want me…?"

"Yes. We both care about you, Nina. This baby will have aunts, uncles, cousins, mommies, a daddy, grandparents… It should have a godmommy too."

"I can't have children."

"Huh?"

"That's probably why he did it. Slim, I'm talking about. I never told him that I couldn't have babies. My stuff is all messed up. He wanted me to stop hoin' and for us to have a family. He'd always talk about it and I wanted to do it but… Slim thought I wanted to stay in this life and I've never told him I couldn't have his babies," she turned and looked me in the face, "She's hurting right now, Snowflake, she looks so bad. You have to talk to her. You need to tell her everything."

"It's too late for that now, Nina."

"Really? Does this mean you can be my girl now?"

"I guess it does."

Nina let out a laugh.

"If I believed that I'd be all over your pregnant ass. You know damn well you won't let anybody else touch you. Y'all two are forever, just give her some time. Now as your new child's godmamma, I'm saying that you go out there and see Yola so you can see what's up with your stuff. I will cut you deep if you hurt my godbaby."

"Oh, Helena told me Miss Chichi has someone to look me over first."

"Yeah and Miss Chichi is going to tell you to go with Yola down the block."

"Oh God. Seriously?"

"Yep. Fair punishment, wouldn't you say?"

I hugged Nina before I headed out the door to my "punishment".

"Just give her some time," she said as she squeezed me back.

As I exited Nina's room, Slash gave a huge sigh of relief. Nina hadn't killed me.

Walking with Yolanda to the next building, I wished she had.

"You have got to be the stupidest white bitch I have ever met in my life. And as you said before, I'm old, so that's a lotta life. You are one dumb white bitch."

We entered a building that Slash told me used to be a clinic. Slim and his entrepreneur cop buddies keep the place extremely clean; this was another source of money. Girls who got into "trouble" came to see Miss Chichi and Yolanda to "fix" the problem. Those who didn't want the problem fixed would see Yolanda in the big room I was in and she'd tell them what they needed for their baby.

She smeared some kind of jelly on my belly and had Slash wind up the generator to work a large crazy looking machine.

"Yolanda what are you doing? Are you going to hurt my baby?"

"See?" she said to Slash, "Dumb as a brick."

"This brick will kill you where you stand if you hurt my child," I said growing tired of her insults. She placed a strange looking thing on my belly with the goo and moved it around.

"Do you even know where babies come from?"

"Yes, I know where babies come from. And I know that you can take pills that are very expensive if you don't want them to come or, if you can find any, you can use condoms!"

"Well looka here, Ashley," she called Slash by her real name, "we got a doctor on our hands. OK, Doctor, why did you fuck her brother when you coulda came here and we coulda fixed you up?"

I looked totally perplexed.

"Look at that, Ashley, the dumb white bitch look. See it? That's what y'all look like when you a dumb white bitch."

"I KNEW Slim was her brother. It's the reason why I had sex with him."

"OH look, Dr. Dumb White Bitch is getting indignant and shit. You could have come here and we coulda took the jiz right out of Slim and put that shit into you. Did you know that Dr. Dumb White Bitch? Well your man, Slim knows that. But it's like I say, a Blackman can't resist some white pussy. Girl if you attacked Chichi, I bet she'd fuck you too and she ain't fucked a woman since she was a little boy!"

I was stunned.

"Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"You gone be walking around here on some 'Uncle/Daddy' shit, huh? Well not anymore, I guess. She left you this house too? No, she couldn't have done that since your folks went and got her other house burnt to the ground and her property confiscated by the police. Where she gone go? Maybe she can come back to the city with us. Hell, what does she get from you? Her brother's babies. Why in the world would you sleep with her brother? That's just selfish."

"I wanted a part of her. He was the closest thing I could get to her without her impregnating me herself. So unless you have a machine that could fill me up with her and I'd be pregnant, lay off me Yolanda."

"What's your Aryan brother's name?"

"You seem to know so much, you tell me. And he's not an Aryan anymore -- he never was."

"Uh-huh. Chad is it? Whatever it is, how would you feel if just out of the blue you walked into the woods or you came here to see Nina, and you walk in a seeing ole Chad just humping away on her? Huh? And she wasn't fighting him off he was just grinding away-."

"That's enough, Yolanda!" Slash said, "It not like that. Part of this is Slim's fault, he knows about the tricks, he's on the World Police squad! Why don't you yell at him like you're doing, Shottie?"

Slash turned to me, "He was mad at Nina. That's why he did this. I know it's not an excuse. He wanted me to help get you some fake papers so he could sneak you into one of their hospitals for the procedure. Then he said forget it so I thought he was going to use the old turkey baste trick. It works, made plenty of babies for girls who wanted the baby but not the guy. Plus it's less of a risk getting caught with fake papers. But then he started going on and on about Nina not wanting his family and he knew someone who did. He got so jealous the Black Ghost was gonna have a kid before he would and how much you loved her. He was yelling at Nina that you wanted the Ghost's kid so bad you were even willing to settle down. Yeh, he was the one who told her about you and he said some awful things to Nina. Jeez, Shottie, when I saw you go into Miss Chichi's and Nina come in after you, I thought sure she was going to kill you.

"You know, Nina didn't believe a word Slim said until she showed up. She looked real bad too," Slash said.

"Did she sleep with Nina?'

"No she didn't sleep with Nina. She ain't a disloyal bitch like you."

"Hey, back OFF Yolanda!"

"Slash, it's OK." Yolanda was right I was selfish. I wanted a child, I didn't even think about her feelings. What if I did see her with Chet and I wasn't told what was happening? I'd be just as devastated as she was.

"I should have said something and I wouldn't be in this mess. Now my child will never get to know what a wonderful mother it has. She's going to eventually leave me, I'm sure."

"Well they got a Daddy and Slim got what he wanted too. And clean the wax out your ears. You have CHILDREN."

"Twins?" I said feeling overjoyed.

Yolanda pointed to the machine where I could see some foggy images on a screen. She moved the funny contraption around on my belly until I saw the outline of my babies, my beautiful little girls. Words couldn't describe the emotions I'd felt in that moment.

"You got calendars, I hear. Come back in three months and then you gonna stay here for a little while. You better make this right too. Them babies deserve their Uncle/Daddy and their mothers too. However, you freaks arrange it. You can't go around fucking up happy homes -- even when it's your own."

Chapter 12

I made the official announcement to my family after the examination Yolanda gave me. She wasn't there.

Chet surprised everyone by crying.

"I'm going to be an Uncle," he said with his usual dramatic flair.

"Me too," Steve said, "and I would be honored."

"I guess that would make me a Gran'?" Helena asked.

"Sure, Helena. We welcome you and yours to the clan. Right Aunt Sara?" I said.

Sara was happy to hear me say that. I'd assumed she felt comfortable amongst all of us but I began to notice that she seemed more and more like a distant outsider. She was Kyrin's mother or Uncle Jeff's girlfriend; there was special thread to weave her own identity into the fabric of our clan. Her place was set -- she could truly feel as if she was one of us and I could see that in her expression.

It was no longer a secret amongst my ever-growing family what I'd done to become pregnant. I had their support and they chose to leave the healing between she and I. Slim would come by every once-in-a-while to check on me and bring me vitamins he said I should be taking. I'd forgiven him because he lost so much, Nina and his sister, just to attend to my need for a child. We both walked around with smiles on our faces but the emptiness we felt inside could not be satisfied with light everyday chatter.

By my fifth month of pregnancy I'd been used to sleeping alone. In fact, I preferred it. Sara was wonderful helping me when I was in the home. When she rubbed my belly I let her but I secretly wanted her to stop. It only reminded me that the one I wanted to touch me had become the "Ghost" again. It was the same thing with Nina when I'd be smuggled into the city for a check-up by Yolanda. She'd rub my belly too or kiss it while she spoke to the girls. She'd let them know their godmother was waiting for them -- couldn't wait to see them. Only I wished it were her. I wanted her to talk to our girls while she rubbed my belly. I wanted her to tell them their Mommy couldn't wait to see them… The more I tossed and turned at night without her the angrier I got because she wasn't here.

By the eighth month of my pregnancy (and the third month of being at Miss Chichi's) I was ready for the babies to come out.

Miss Chichi and Nina were wonderful to me, even Yolanda seemed less bitter than usual. They rearranged their "establishment" so customers had no access the area they had me staying in. Nina stopped "working" altogether -- she was seeing Slash fulltime. Chet had someone special that he thought no one knew about. He did a good job at hiding her because our best infiltrator, Kyrin, couldn't get the information on who it was. We saw Julia a lot more often and she gave us the information on what was going on by the other side of town.

"We pretty safe over there so far," she said. "They ran the Aryans out and I think they set up some kind of big fortress further up in the mountains. The Folk that was left either scattered with the Aryans up into the woods or they just settled down and are living by the cops' rules. But 'Jimmy's' is done. It's a WAP spot now, nothing goes in there. Ask Slim when you see him."

Miss Chichi said, "We ain't seen that much of Slim. He's in and out these days."

"They got the cops on the move," Julia said, "Government's putting their plans into motion about getting everyone under one rule. Slim been bobbin' and weavin', you see? I gotta tell you, I'm surprised you been here as long as you have, girl. Y'all better make plans on heading for the hills or staying under that one rule."

"Long as there's dicks swinging," Yolanda added, "there's gone be a demand for pussy so they can fuck them rules."

"I don't know, Yola, maybe we need to listen to JJ on this one," Miss Chichi replied with concern. "Maybe it's time to set up shop in a better place. Or just retire from business all the same."

"You have a little bit of time to think, Miss Chichi. I keep my ear to the ground and Slim gets all the updates in real time. You seriously think about it but not for too long."

My time ran out. The girls were sick of being cooped up inside of me and two weeks after my eighth month, they wanted out.

Everyone was there, everyone except her. Slim was able to stay across town under the guise that he was helping to make sure the new "Jimmy's" didn't have any Aryan retribution coming to it. His superiors bought the story since he knew the area and when he got someone to cover his shift, he came to the clinic they had me holed up in.

Helena, Sara, and Nina stayed with me entire time. Yolanda was the midwife, a duty she relished heartily. Every scream I uttered she laughed, every break I took she threw a hail of curses at me. I'd never been called a "white bitch" so many times in my life.

Before the contractions really got going my family, mostly the guys, stood around smiling as if they'd done something great. The pain was excruciating and I wanted to kill every single last one of them.

After 36 hours of screaming, laughing and cursing our beautiful daughters came into the world.

Slim and Chet entered the room I was recovering in and my girls were in separate bassinettes right next to me.

"Wow. Look at what we did, huh? Those are some pretty babies. Remember that, girl, Slim don't make no ugly babies," he said tears flowing down his face.

Chet was crying too, "Hey, this one looks just like the Ghost. Oh my God, this one looks like Mom. You did good, Baby Sis."

"Sheesh, I thought there were only two little girls in this room with me," I said through my exhaustion.

"Chiillllll, Shottie. What did you name 'em?"

"Well, she is Marva Leslie," I said pointing a very tired finger at the one who resembled our mother, "and she is Bunny Rose."

"Where'd you get a name like 'Leslie'?" Chet asked.

"I made a promise that I decided to keep either way," I said looking at Slim.

"I'll be back later, I have some stuff to do across town," Slim said leaving. He was probably going to find someplace private to have his moment.

The rest of the clan came in when Slim left. Then Slash, Julia and Miss Chichi. There were smiles, tears, and Uncle Jeff brought some while he made a lengthy speech. He was well into it when Yolanda walked in and threw everyone out of the room -- I was never so glad to see her bitter old face.

"OK, OK that's enough gum flappin'. Y'all get out of here for you make these babies sick with your germs and breathing all over the place. Don't make me cut everyone of y'all and I'ma start with you old Injuns first. Let's get to scootin'."

"I brought my crossbow, Baby Sis. I'm gonna be right outside this room guarding my nieces," he looked at Yolanda, "and nobody's gonna go'damm stop me."

"You can stand outside and dance your ass off if you want to, boy, but you ain't gone be in HERE 'round these babies tonight breathin' your germy air all on 'em. Now stop eyeballin' me and scoot!"

"You're a mean old lady. No bedside manner at all," and Chet left the room.

Julia and Kyrin decided they would stay outside on guard duty with Chet while I tried to get some sleep.

I was dozing into dreamland when she came in with Chet. I actually thought I was dreaming but Chet had his crossbow with him and led her to the bassinettes. I closed my eyes, pretending I was sleep while they had whispered conversation.

"See, she looks just like you. Well, except that she doesn't have that wicked cool scar and she's much lighter and her hair is kinda brown and her eyes are grey, isn't one of your eye- never mind. But she does look just like you, though. I told you."

"You sure did, Trail Master. Maaan, my daughters, they're tiny - they're so beautiful."

I heard her sniffle then she asked, "What are their names?"

"OK the one that looks the like our mother is Marva Leslie and the one that looks like you is Bunny Rose. I don't know where she got 'Bunny Rose' from, probably because she always loved rabbits or something-."

"My mother's name was Bunny Rose. I told her that once."

"Wow, that's cool of her, huh? I got some Baby Sis."

"Yes you do. Open that window Trail Master."

I peeked at what she and Chet were doing and almost screamed out until I heard her say, "Behold, Bunny Rose, the only thing on Earth that's greater than you." She leaned out of the window and held our daughter high above her head into the night sky. She gently placed her back in the bassinette and did the same thing with Marva Leslie.

"That was pretty intense. Is that like some kind of Apache ritual you learned?"

"Nah, Chet, my Mamma told me about it, something she saw my Daddy do with me and my brother and sister."

Yolanda came in the room and ordered them out.

"You got a crossbow. You supposed to be outside guarding so guard. And what is this window doing open? You want these girls to freeze to death? I don't care if you are her Mamma or Daddy or however you freaks arrange it, you got to go."

"Do you see what I mean about her? Mean and rude."

"Yeah, Trail Master. And how you bringing children into the world cussin' over 'em like you do, Yola?"

She had been there after all and I never saw her.

"Same way you hide in the shadows while they being born, hmph! Look Chad, I said get out-."

"Actually it's 'Chet'."

" 'Chad', 'Chet', 'checkers' I don't give a damn, take your ass on out of here and guard. And you get your mysterious ass out of here too."

They all left and my room was silent except for the breathing of our daughters.

I would be at peace with what we'd become. The most important thing was that our children would have both of their mothers. They'd also have a very wonderful Uncle/Daddy, as Yolanda put it, in Slim.

Our daughters were royalty in our clan. Everyone pitched in to help with diaper changes, baths, and holding them. I was convinced they would feed them too (even the guys) if they had the breast milk to do it. If I wanted Sara to hold them while I went outside to get something from storage or the garden, when I came back they were gone, being doted on by someone in our clan. My Dad was the worst, teaching everyone how to hold them properly or spontaneously breaking into "when Khyra and Chet were babies" stories… Helena's parents were a close second to Dad, sharing baby stories about Helena and the past or stories about Steve. My daughters had an abundance of love, especially from Nina, Slash and Slim.

And her…

I rearranged my schedule so I would be out beating my body back into fighting shape or getting reacquainted with the area while she was with our daughters. I thought I was fine with the set-up until Chet spoke to me.

"I know my Baby Sis and you aren't happy. Both of you are a couple of stubborn boneheads and you should work this out. I'm going to help."

"Chet you-."

"No no no no no no, don't try and change my mind, I'm going to do this for you. It's not a problem, you know. Yep, me and the Ghost have gotten real tight, if you haven't noticed. I'll talk to her for you, OK?"

"Chet, you're the best Big Bro," I said and I kissed his cheek. He was so kind hearted but his talk wouldn't do any good. I wasn't sorry for what I'd done and I'm sure she wanted me to be. I did regret not including her, not telling anyone and going in alone. I saw all the love and support I had and realized I should have never excluded them. But I wasn't sorry I chose Slim. Every night I looked at the face of our daughters I saw us. It was as if she impregnated me herself and it was a wonderful blend of she and I. Slim helped me do that. I knew she'd probably never touch me again but I had a piece of her, however indirect that piece was.

It was almost a year since she'd been in the same room or said two words to me. I was surprised when she came to the upper level where I was finishing Marva's feeding. Marva was finally falling asleep when she entered the room slow and tired looking. She scanned the room, saw the empty crib and was immediately alert.

"She's over here with me," I said. She came to the bed and held Marva for a little, kissed her forehead and gently placed her in the crib beside her already sleeping sister.

She turned back toward me and flopped down on the bed while pulling off her clothes. She made no move to grab a sleeping bag, which led me to believe she planned sleeping up here -- with me.

"So what brings you to these parts?" I asked.

"Look, Khyra, I'm exhausted. It's drafty and cold in the storage shed and it's too dangerous to be camping at night these days. Downstairs is for your family. Besides why should I have an uncomfortable sleep, when I have a warm place and a comfy bed right here?"

"What if I don't want you to sleep with me?"

"You got problems? Get one of the sleeping bags and cop a squat in storage or take your ass outside. I'm sure you can find some Jeep that's warm and safe."

I was hurt by what she said but her words angered me more.

"And you have no problem walking around here saying that those girls are your daughters. You're such a fucking hypocrite."

"I'm a hypocrite?" she turned to face me, "You REALLY want to do this now, Khyra? Aight, let's do this now. I almost -- I thought you were getting raped and I almost shot-."

"Your brother? Don't look so surprised. You think I couldn't tell the same eyes you have, the same look? The way he's extra protective of you? I'm not a fool."

"Hold up, you KNEW he's my brother and you still fucked him anyway?"

"I went to him for that reason, because it would be like having a part of you. All these men who practically throw their cock in my face and I choose Slim. Why? He was the closest thing I could get to you. Oh and thanks for the introduction, by the way. I'm going on runs to the city with a man who is your blood relative and you claim you love me, but not enough to tell me he's your brother."

"Yo, don't try to flip this shit on me, aight? You the one who went flying solo with my brother."

"Who you've forgiven, am I right? He knew I could get pregnant without having to sleep with him, Yolanda told me. Slash told me there are tricks like you can use a turkey! I didn't know any of that stuff but Slim gets a pass. I see the gleam in his eye. He's happy about the girls but he's happier his sister isn't mad at him anymore. What about me? I'm just the dumb white bitch like Yolanda says, I guess."

She got up off the bed and started to walk away.

"Great, you're leaving now? The Ghost is going to disappear again. Typical."

"That's right, I'm going to disappear into a nice hot shower and then I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted. If you want to continue arguing, you'll be fussing with my eyelids. If you don't want to sleep with me there's a pallet in the storage bin. I'm done."

After her shower she climbed in bed with her back toward my back. The silence was deafening.

"Are you leaving?" I asked.

Silence.

"Don't leave…"

"I'm not going to leave our children, Khyra."

"Just me."

She sighed and turned toward my back. I could feel her breath on my neck and as much as I my mind didn't want it, my body wanted her. I turned to face her.

She reached out brushed the hair out of my face, "I'm not leaving you either, Khyra. And it's not a turkey."

"What?"

"You can't get pregnant with a turkey, Khyra," she said smiling at me.

I missed her smile, her touch…

"I miss you." I touched her face happy that she didn't pull away.

"I miss you too," and she took my hand and kissed my palm. I felt the electricity shoot up my arm.

"You may never forgive me but I want you to know I never stopped loving you and I only slept with him twice. He never kissed me, I wouldn't let him -- it was only to make a baby. It's you. It's always been you."

"I know."

"I'm yours."

"You're Slim's."

I looked away for a moment, and then I looked in her eyes again. She was smiling.

"You're being mean."

She took my hand, kissed it again and said, "I am."

"I'll never do anything like that again. I promise, I'll discuss everything with you. I'll…"

"You're damn right you won't. I'll put a bullet in you myself."

"Fair enough."

"Your brother says we better get it together because children can feel when people are faking it and we're faking it. The girls need both their mothers to be in harmony."

"MY brother said that?"

"YOUR brother said that. He also said he was going to kick my ass if his sister wasn't smiling the way she used to. So you better start smiling because I don't want Chet to 'kick my ass' anytime soon," she said sarcastically.

"Wow. Go Chet."

"I love you, Khyra."

"I'm yours, forever. You believe that, don't you?"

"Yes, I believe you. I'm going to sleep, Khyra."

"I'm going to kiss you first."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Well then, go for it."

I did.

When I came down the ladder the next morning, clothed in her T-Shirt, looking for the babies' stuff that had been hijacked by my family, Chet walked up beside me filled with victory.

"Huh? Huuuuuuh? Did I take care of it or what? I talked to her," he said beaming, "and everything is great. Riiiight?"

"You're the best, Big Bro."

"You better believe I am," and he kissed me on the cheek.

Soon everyone was up beginning the routine of feeding our clan and abducting our children from my hands. Chet was still prancing around, full of himself over the great deed he had done; everyone else humored him while they smiled with satisfaction at our reconciliation. It was worse when she came down.

"What's everybody smiling for?" she whispered to me, "they all look crazy. It's scaring me."

"Chet told them what a great counselor he is."

"What? He's talking about us?"

"He's talking about us. Don't spoil it for him, Baby. He really wanted to help."

"He can help. Let him change the girls next time, that'll help a lot."

Chet walked up to us with Kyrin and Steven, "Ladies, we will handle the duties of checking the perimeters this morning. If you need some 'lady time' feel free to use it as we will also be going fishing. For fish." With that, Chet, Kyrin, and Steven walked off into the day.

Sara tapped me on the shoulder and extended her arms.

"Chet's right, you know. We'll take care of the girls. I'm assuming they've had their morning feed?"

"Yeah but…"

Helena and Sara swooped in and whisked them away leaving she and I standing by the ladder.

"This is really weird, Khyra. I'm going back up."

"I'm right behind you."

Chapter 13

It continued to be like that for the next couple of months. Everyone walked around with broad smiles and when they felt we were spending too much time with our daughters (or maybe it was an excuse to be near them) they'd whisk them away so we could have "alone" time.

At first, we would talk about how weird they were for about an hour or make fun of all of them. Or we'd complain (never to anyone's face) about how they commandeered our children and what nerve they all had.

"Just wait," I said with not all that much enthusiasm behind the words, "I'm going to grab the girls and we can get the hell out of here."

"That's right. Put down some fake trails because Kyrin's a little smarty and be ghost!"

"They'll never find us then," I would finish and we both laughed.

It was uncomfortable for us to do anything knowing that's what they wanted us to do. They would say things like we needed to "communicate" more with each other so we wouldn't be so "tense". Or they would notice how much more "light" we were now that we "spoke" to one another. If there was any indication of being abrupt with anyone in the clan they automatically advised "conversation" time.

So that's exactly what we did -- at first.

We were on one of our regular rants about the family. I made my usual remarks about how I'd ditch them in a second and she laughed, a lot harder than usual. It was infectious and I began laughing uncontrollably. When we finally stopped and looked in each other's eyes we could no longer fight it. We'd have long passionate sessions with crashing climaxes where we would lay in a tangled mess for hours afterwards without saying a word to each other. On some occasions she'd trace the outlines of my lips while I gently kissed her fingertips or I'd rub every inch of her body as she melted in my hands. Those were the months when the words, "I love you" sounded like a song each time she told me.

During that time, when our clan took away our daughters and told us we looked "tense", we'd put on the best show of objection we could and ran upstairs. We sometimes didn't make it to the bed. We reaffirmed our love with each glance and silent moment between us; we were in Heaven. Then Kyrin told us something we never thought we'd hear and it was back to business as usual.

We'd all been very curious about Chet's secret rendezvous. It was a topic of conversation amongst the older adults but with us, we were happy to have Chet anywhere that didn't have him interrupting our time together. My brother's timing was impeccable and never in a good way when it came to she and I.

One day, while she and I (and Steve under protest) was taking inventory before we decided whether we'd let Frank benefit from the surplus of Merlot no one was drinking, Kyrin answered the question on everyone's mind.

"JULIA?"

"Yes, I saw him kiss her. Not like you guys but more like Mommy and Daddy."

"But… Julia?" she asked still stunned.

"I thought he didn't like Folk?" Steve said, "Plus he has that Nazi tattoo…"

"He used to have it." Kyrin informed us, "He got rid of that ages ago. Miss Chichi found a cop to do it. Cost him a lot of flats too and I think Auntie Julia helped him get the flats be-."

" 'Auntie Julia'?" I said.

"Yeah. Chet said it's OK to call her that. She was helping him on one of the patrols and I saw them and Chet said that Auntie Julia helps to make sure we're safe like everybody else. He said she would be part of our clan someday too."

"WHAT? So he's SERIOUS?" I asked, now as flabbergasted as she was.

"Does he know she's Folk?" Steve added.

"I didn't even think he could handle that much woman," she added. "Now don't look at me crazy. Julia is cool as the breeze and she lost a lot of el bees but that is still a bit too much woman for your brother."

"Well if he's happy I think he can handle himself just fine," I said defending Chet. Even though I did agree with her, I had to side with my brother's honor. It was short lived.

Once he let everyone know, they didn't have to hide around anymore. Once they didn't have to hide around anymore Chet was back with his impeccable timing. It didn't matter how often Uncle Jeff or my Dad or Helena or even Nina would take the girls for us to have our alone time, Chet would find a way to come around at just the wrong moment. There were times when we thought he was doing it on purpose until we went to a secret place we'd prepared for us and saw he and Julia found it first. We discovered two very important things that day, we'd never go to that place again and Chet was VERY serious about Julia. Eventually she became another body at what Steve jokingly called "The Love Fort".

The Love Fort was an appropriate name in my mind. My Dad had love, so did my Uncle Jeff and now my brother. Our wonderful children were overflowing with love and they had plenty of family they received it from. I wondered if that was enough for her because at times she seemed so restless. For so long she was by herself, able to roam and haunt freely and suddenly, not by her choice, she was pinned down with a clan to care for.

"A family," she said breaking me out of my daze.

"What?"

"A family. When you get that look on your face and start staring but not really staring in my direction," she said, "you ask me if I'm happy. Then you ask about all these people in here. You want to know about the clan we have now and how I feel. Does that some it all up?"

"Smart ass. You know me too well."

"And you know me. So you should know that this is my family, even if you do get on my nerves and even if it does keep growing by the second," she smiled.

"Well, don't tell me you haven't been on edge a bit lately."

"Yeah," she said gravely, "we gotta get out of here, Khyra."

"You mean you. You can tell me, I know you're used to coming and going as you please so just-."

"Baby," she interrupted, "stop with that talk. I just told you, y'all get on my nerves sometimes but I'm not going nowhere. Not without you, OK? Not without the rest of the family. Relax."

I was reassured by her words but I could still see there was worry in her eyes.

"So why the change of location?"

"Look, maybe we got another couple years but even Miss Chichi sees it. Sheeit, Frank's been seriously talking about it too. There's going to be another showdown, probably those crazy ass Aryans and the cops. They getting the order back to the land, Baby, a lot faster than anyone really expected. I want our daughters to be away from the hypocrisy the 'law' is going to bring. I'm not going to some I can't kiss my Boo way of living. I can't hold my daughters because MY balls weren't the balls that made them."

"You have balls?" I said trying to make a joke. She chuckled and continued.

"Yeah, big brass ones."

"Well what makes you think it's going to be bad? Maybe order is what we all need in this chaos. No more Raiders, no having to fight for your life all the time. Babe, we could finally rest."

"Look at the corruption that's going on now? They gotta get that out. And you know it's going to be bad before it gets good. Baby, you might be right but I don't want to take that chance. I don't want to wait around to be that scapegoat. I'd rather err on the side of caution, can ya diggit?"

"Where do you want us to go?"

She looked at me shook her head, "If I said under a fat witch's hairy titty you'd probably say, 'Let me pack a bag', wouldn't you?"

"Probably. That and, 'Let me get the girls'."

"To the edge of the world, my ride-or-die chick! Just keep it in the back of your mind, OK? Don't say too much to the rest of them, I don't want everybody panicking. We got some time. Besides, the girls need to get a little older. Then when I say it's time we're riding out of here together, Baby."

"I'll be with you."

I was relieved when she said we had time. We all savored every moment of our time even as our world was swiftly changing around us.

We had to double our patrols on the perimeter because more people started coming a little too close for comfort, fleeing the police and their many new laws and rules. There were more frequent trips to the city so Nina could see the girls but we also went to trade with Frank. Slash informed us that a bunch of the Trade Posts had become property of the government and they were afraid the cops would start coming more frequently to their part of town.

"The Apache say that the cops are arresting people who hunt in 'Government Sanctioned Areas' and it's forcing people to go to the Trade Post. But what do you know and surprise?! Guess who owns the major Trade Posts? It's a racket! They're trying to turn it back into the days of old. There's going to be one big boss for all of the people to follow that boss's rules."

"What are we supposed to do?" I asked Slash out of frustration.

"Tell you the truth," she replied, "a bunch of folks are going east. Not to where the big cities are but East into the mountains and the flat lands. I here there's plenty of hunting AND the cops aren't as organized as they are here and in the cities."

"What about you, Slash?" she asked.

"I don't know," she looked down like she had something on her mind, "I kinda thought you guys had a plan, yeh? I was hoping to kinda hitch my wagon to yours."

"We've got a big wagon that keeps getting bigger by the moment," I said.

"Now look who's worrying," she said, appearing from nowhere.

"Slash, just keep your ear to the ground and if you hear that bullet coming and warn us in time, then we gotta put you on right?" she reasoned. Her word was enough to lessen Slash's anxiety.

Our little girls were enough for Nina; ironically it was as she said, I'd become the one who was the most anxious.

I was worried about the changes that were to come to us all. The thought of going back to a time that I had no idea about nor could I imagine frightened me. What if our family was torn apart by government rules?

She saw the nervous energy change me and would take me to the storage area where she would let me spill out all my worries for long periods at a time. She would listen too -- every word she took in so she could reassure me that no one was going to break up our clan. Then she would express how bad she felt for putting the ideas in my head in the first place. At that point it was my turn to assure her -- these fears were mine and mine alone. We reasoned that it must be our parental instincts kicking in because of how we suddenly started worrying about any and everything.

Our talks were wonderful times for me, when we would enjoy each other's company. They were also the only time it seemed that we could make love and not be interrupted by anyone.

By the time we both became relaxed again, the first "bullet" was fired. Frank vanished without a trace. Teddy stuck around to tell Slash the news and to tell Miss Chichi that she was now a proud bar owner; the day after that Teddy vanished too.

"They are better than you about not leaving a trail," Slash said shaking her head as she chewed on some jerky. She, Slash, Chet, Julia and I decided to conference in our new special place, the storage shed, as we mulled over the new development.

"I'm not surprised, though." Julia said. "He's been talking about getting outta that place for a long while. He wasn't the same after he got forced out of his old spot and his brother…"

"So what do we do now?" asked Chet. "Is it still safe for me and m'Baby?" he asked squeezing Julia's butt.

"OK, first off, yeh, that's just nasty," Slash said.

"Oh fuck you. I bet you wouldn't say nothing if them two lovie-dovies was squishing and squeezing all over the damn place," Julia said pointing between she and myself.

"Nothing!" Chet chimed in.

"Look, save this arguing shit for later," she interrupted, "we have some serious business. Aight, I'm going to holla at Slim, see what the atmosphere is looking like, OK? Meantime we do what we been doing, just like Frank did it. So when it's time for us to leave we can vanish nice, neat and clean. We'll be all right. They haven't taken over that side of town yet and I haven't heard too much from Slim. When I talk to him I'll send the word out and we can meet again to make plans. Relax, OK? We got time."

I could see everyone relaxing as she spoke. Even I was nodding reassurance to the gathering. But none of us planned for the second "bullet" to fire so soon.

Our time had run out.

It was the night perimeter sweep. She and Chet were out with Steven scanning the place. I was with the girls, actually Helena and Sara were cooing with the girls while Uncle Jeff and Dad stood over each woman's shoulder cooing along with them. Kyrin and I made funny faces at them as they laughed with innocent bliss. I was thought to myself, to be that age when everything is funny and beautiful and wonderous… Kyrin was happy when Bunny Rose appeared to be waving at him.

"See, Cousin? She knows me. Marva knows me. She waves anytime she sees me."

"Oh really?" I said teasing him, "Maybe it's because you're with her Mama and she's waving at me but you THINK it's you."

"No way, Khyra! She knows me. I'm sure-."

Chet and Steve came crashing in before Kyrin could finish his thought. They were holding her up and they all looked like they'd been running for miles.

"I don't care if he IS your brother, g'damnit! If he shows his face here I'll gun him down myself!" Chet screamed. Tears were running down his face as he tried to support her.

"It was clean, Chet," Steve said, "and you already shot that guy."

"What the hell is happening?" Dad asked. "Chet what's going on and who did you shoot?"

Before he could answer, Slim walked in the door looking haggard, like he'd also run for many miles. Chet lunged for him.

"You bastard! Shot your own sister! That's my niece's MOM! I'll kill you with my own hands."

"Maaaaan, you better back up off me!" Slim said, as he swung for Chet.

Steve jumped between them to keep them apart and a scuffle ensued. They all were on the ground cursing. Kyrin jumped in to help and Sara began screaming at Kyrin to get out of the scuffle and for Uncle Jeff to get Kyrin. The babies began to cry.

"EVERYBODY CHILL OUT!" she yelled. "What the fuck is wrong with y'all?"

"He shot you, the dirty bum!" Chet said from underneath the guys piled on him.

"Yeah, I know, Trail Master because I'm BLEEDING!

"Aight conference NOW! We have issues and everyone needs to hear it. So get up and shut the hell up and if anybody talks again and my babies cry, I won't be the only one shot!"

Everyone was silent. Slim walked over to her and looked at the wound.

"Clean through. I still got it," he said grinning.

"Yeah, muh'fucka I hope you brought some shit with you to clean it," she said with a weary smile.

I spoke up. "Can someone tell me what's going on please? Slim, why did you shoot my woman?"

They looked at each other very worried.

"I want to know," Chet said still breathing hard with fury, "why you're all chums with Mr. Shoots-His-Sister over there. He's a dirty cop is what I say."

She looked at me, "Baby, we've got trouble coming."

"You're g'damn right we've got troub-."

"Chet, shut it! Slim HAD to shoot me to make it look good, aight? He's with the WAPs, man! How we supposed to get the heads up if we don't know what going on, huh?"

"That doesn't explain why Chet shot someone." Dad said calmly.

"Trail Master, here, saved my life tonight."

"See," Chet exclaimed with jubilance, "SAVED LIFE. Me, I did."

"Aight, man, relax. Look, I don't know if y'all know but lately, there's been a bit of a bounty on me."

"Yeah, the WAPs put it there so people would think it was Raiders. But it's them. They want the Raiders and anybody else who thinks they got the balls to fucks with my sister, oh and you too Shottie -- they got hella flats for you, to smoke you out. We got a lot of sloppy amateurs out here. The WAPs are good and they want my sister and if they can get Shottie… Let me just say they want the both of you real bad."

"Why us?" I asked.

"They figure do a bit of recruiting, have good resources on their side. You both are legendary and this new government wants the best. If not, they eliminate any opposition.

"Now there are some 'unorthodox' operations that you may know a little too much about because of my business ventures. Well, this new government is cracking down on those operations to cut them out of the new order of things. They don't want to be held hostage by criminals, corruption, and competition, ya dig? We met one of the more boldly corrupt officers today. It was a dude taking payoffs to look the other way when Raiders do their thang. He recognized the Black Ghost and was itching to do some shooting instead of recruiting. Chet got the drop on the dude, took him out."

"See, I helped." Chet was considerably calmer as he pointed to himself.

"Sure did, Trail Master. But you shot a cop," she said.

"He was dirty," Steven said as Helena nodded in agreement.

"He was a cop," I said realizing how grave the situation was.

"Exactly. Slim shot me to make it look good. He had to chase after us so we could buy some time."

"Buy some time for what?" asked Kyrin.

"We got to bounce, Lil Man. Y'all gotta get your stuff together. We wait for Slim's signal then we bounce."

"Here," Slim handed me a kit to fix the wound, "get your woman stitched up and I'll come back when I can to see wussup -- make sure it's all clear. You got some supplies in here, right? Lay low and listen to your radio. There's a scanner on it tuned to the WAP frequency. If you got to make a move before I get back, do it. Ya dig?"

"I can diggit it, Slim."

"Hey about that dirty stuff I said before…" Chet said to Slim.

"Chiiiiilllll, man. I'ma just punch you in the face when I see you next time," Slim replied with a smirk.

"I'd like to see you try," Chet said smiling himself.

I took her to our upstairs lair to tend to her wound. She was behaving a lot more dramatically as if she was as helpless as our daughters, enjoying the attention I was giving her.

"Give me a break, you big baby. You've been hurt worse than this and had to fix it by yourself."

"Well I didn't have such pretty hands helping me at the time. OW! That hurts!"

"There's a word, 'irony'. You know it?"

"Yeah, I do."

"You're going to have a scar the same exact place Chet has his -- when YOU shot him."

"Well fancy that shit."

I leaned over and kissed her.

"Baby, I am scared," I said.

"Well let me let you in on a secret then. Slim has some boys that are gonna go AWOL with him when the Government institutes something called 'Red Plan Delta'. Don't ask me what the hell that means, I'm not a politician. What I do know is that when that Executive Order comes down, Slim's boys will get us to a port where they have 'acquired' a couple of subs. We're going to swim on over to an island where we won't be bothered by anyone."

"What?" I was astonished. "How do you know we -- how? How do you know all this?"

"I been going back and forth to that island for years. Where do you think I get the sweet fruits that don't grow in this cold weather? Slim says that the Government is trying to unify the mainland. It's gonna take years for them to do that. They won't be looking for anybody on any islands for a long time, if at all. So see, no need to fear. We're going to watch our babies become beautiful women, Kyrin become the good man we both know he is and if Chet doesn't make me drown him in the ocean, we'll probably see him have a billion little cock blocking kids of his own."

"This is wonderful."

"Yeah. But you can't tell anybody. We're just gonna pack them all up in the truck and head out. We take NO chances, got it?"

"Yes. I'm yours."

"So you say."

"So you know."

"Yeah, for how long?"

"Forever."

She looked into my eyes and I knew she was forever mine. A smile crept across her face as she pointed to her ribs.

"Ow. Ouchie… I think there might have been some collateral damage. Could you kiss it and make it feel better?"

"Sure, any other places you might be feeling aches I may need to examine?"

The look in her eyes told me all I needed to know. I checked that our door was locked and began to play doctor to her medical needs.

We stayed low key as Slim said to do. No Trade Post visits, no hunting, and the one thing, which hurt me the most, no visits to Nina or Miss Chichi. We knew that Slim told them about us being fugitives but I felt terrible that Nina couldn't see the girls. She was so good with them -- she'd formed a special bond.

We'd packed our things and were ready to go when the signal was given. We laughed about how many of us packed so light. We were so used to being nomadic that we could pick up when ever we needed to. But my heart was filled with joy at the fact that we were actually going to be somewhere we didn't have to roam again. A place we could build a home as we had with the cabin. No fortress and no looking over our shoulder because the Government wasn't looking in the direction of her special island -- OUR special island.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of light footsteps climbing up the ladder. It was Kyrin.

"I think we may have trouble."

She looked up from her book she was reading at the table.

"I'm sorry," Kyrin said, his head down, "I heard some of what you told Cousin Khyra last week."

She looked angry.

"Did you say something?" she asked walking toward Kyrin.

"No. No. I promise, not a word." Kyrin began to whisper, "I know Uncle Slim is going to use subs, and I promise I have no idea what subs are, to take us away from here. Like our clan is going with him, right?"

"Yes," I answered relieved. He was only a little worried, I thought. "Don't worry, Kyrin our clan is going."

"I know but… I know Uncle Slim wouldn't be mean to the others would he?"

"What others?" she asked.

"Nina and Miss Chichi…"

"Lil Man, don't worry. We'll have that covered, aight. Just -- you can't mention anything to anyone. It's got to be a surprise, understand?"

Kyrin got closer to us.

"That's just it, they're all downstairs."

"WHAT?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Nina, Miss Chichi, Yolanda, Julia and Slash. They're all downstairs. And they have stuff with them."

"Shit."

"What kind of stuff?" I asked. I don't know why I asked that question because I knew the answer before he ever gave it.

"Like the kind of stuff we've got packed in the corner downstairs."

We told Kyrin to go back down to the lower level while we got ready to receive them.

"This is going to mess up everything."

"How, Baby? This way Slim knows where everybody is and we can all go to the port together, right?" She didn't answer she just stood shaking her head from side to side.

"Why the fuck did they come here?"

I began to worry. She looked confused and unsure, I'd never seen this from her and it made me more anxious. Then a horrifying thought crossed my mind.

"You were going to leave them? You and Slim had safe passage to a wonderful new place out of the grip of all this and you were going to leave behind our friends?"

"Keep your voice down!" she said, "I'm thinking."

"No you STOP thinking and tell me the woman I love was not going to abandon her friends that have held her down for-."

"Ssh! Stop being so dramatic, Baby." She sat me down at the table and explained, "Listen. Me and Slim was getting real tired of the running around and all that. Being a Dad, it's doing something to him. So he got some of his most trustworthy dudes and I told them about this island I found. Well these cats fixed it up real nice with a lot of state of the art things to keep WAP boats and unwanted customers far away from us. On the other side of the island there's more vegetation and it's nice like for a bunch of cabins and families to chill in -- or maybe some ex-bar owners and their cute bartenders or perhaps some call girls or some tranny madams that are tired of the game, you diggit?"

"Yes, I diggit. So far."

"Aight then. Now if you don't want to leave a trail that you've had unauthorized use of a government boat or a government submarine, you shuttle your cargo out a piece at a time. Or maybe you shuttle a few pieces here and a few pieces there.

"They are supposed to be in the city getting ferried out of here with one sub. Then, at a later time, we get on the other sub. No suspicion and everybody's cool. We rip out the tracking devices so the WAP can't get a location and voila we have two government grade mini-submarines."

I understood clearly what she was talking about. My heart sunk into my feet but I still asked her the question hoping beyond hope she wouldn't answer the way I thought she would. But she did.

"Khyra," she responded plainly, "when Slim's boys go to pick them up and they aren't there because they're here, that sub is going to the island and it ain't coming back, Baby. We are going to have ONE sub available to us. It only holds 20 seats. Slim, the crew and their people take eight of those seats. We can get away with the girls being one seat. You like math, how many seats we got left?"

"Eleven." I think I said. I could feel my mouth moving but I was in just as much of a daze as she was when she began explaining how dire our situation was.

Frank and Teddy disappeared and she and Slim knew all about it. They were like the ghost and we were supposed to be just like them. People would know we existed but eventually there would be stories of how we vanished into thin air. No one would know we were on a magical island with Frank and Teddy and ex-World Army Police and the Black Ghost herself. They would be searching for the rest of their lives for a bounty they could never collect because they wouldn't be able to find us. They wouldn't be able to find the infamous Shottie who could mow a man down with a revolver before they even drew their automatic weapon. This was how it was supposed to be! They weren't supposed to be sitting downstairs destroying our future happiness with their presence -- with their numbers!!

It sounded like she was far away when I heard her ask, "And how many do we have downstairs now?"

"Fourteen, not counting us."

"Fourteen. How much does that add up to?"

"Not enough seats, Baby."

"Not enough seats…" She got up from the table looking as defeated as I felt.

"Look, we might as well greet our guests and we can think of something, I guess. You know, when Slim comes through tomorrow."

"I wanted to see your island."

"I did too, Baby."

When we made it downstairs Slim was also there -- livid.

"My boys went looking for y'all! Only reason I came here is cause I figured we could leave earlier cause y'all dipped on your own!"

"So you see we didn't. What are you getting all crazy for?" Nina responded.

Slim walked over to me shaking his head in fury.

"What the FUCK are they doing here, Shottie?! I told y'all to chill for a reason."

"Yo, Brotha, watch your tone with my Lady," she said.

"We are fucked up now, Sis. You can't even imagine how."

"I am to blame," said Helena, "I told Nina to come, on the radio. I thought it right that she see Marva and Bunny once more before we head off to who knows where."

"The girls…" Slim said. There was a long silence. He broke it.

"I'm going to take them with me," he said.

Uncle Jeff objected, "You'll do no such thing! Those girls are part of my family, Slim, and you're not moving them anywhere."

Slim implored me, "I know that y'all two are their mothers. I diggit, I agreed to that. But like it or not, I'm their father. I don't want our babies in a damn Government school. That's what they're doing now," he said as he turned to Uncle Jeff, "taking the kids so they can raise them with what they want them to know, diggit?"

Sara spoke this time.

"Then take Kyrin too. If we're going to be separated then at least I'll know he's safe."

"No," Kyrin said, "I'm not going!"

"Kyrin, your mother is right. It's going to get very tough around here for us and-."

"NO! I want to stay here and fight!"

"Slim why are you acting like this anyway? Scarin' folks. We have enough room for everybody. Frank told us you did before you all smuggled him on out of here!" Miss Chichi said, becoming very annoyed.

"Not anymore," Julia answered. "You were supposed to leave from the city, THEN there would be plenty of room because you'd already be transported."

"Jason was on a time schedule so he wouldn't get caught. If I didn't radio him or signal him he goes on and he stays put." Slim explained, "Jay ain't coming back and there's too many of you to transport now. Time is going to be against us soon. Let me do this, Shottie, let me take the girls out of here, please?"

"Wait a minute, now," Chet said, "we can go too. We can send the elderly and th kids with Slim and we can go on the boat."

"The what? What are you talking about, Son?" Dad asked.

Chet looked at the Ghost who looked as if she'd just seen a ghost.

"Sorry, Ghost, but I have to tell this now."

"Nah, nah. He's right but we gotta leave very soon!"

"Chiiiilll. I forgot about that too it's been so long! Is it still in the grotto?"

"Brotha I hope so."

The three of them began moving the stuff we packed closer to the door.

"Am I the only one that needs an explanation on this miracle boat we suddenly have?" Slash asked.

Chet answered.

"Me and the Ghost would go hunting and then every once in a while we'd go down a rocky path and up beautiful beach to a cave. In this cave there's a lot of seaweed, which by the way, is quite tasty with fish, and it hides a big boat. We'd sail out to a very nice island and get lots of fruits you don't see here and bring them back. That's why we would have such long journeys sometimes. And I kept it all a secret from you."

She winked at me. "It's true, every word of it. Chet's the man, Baby."

"It would seem so." I said smiling at her.

"I didn't know Aryan morons could keep secrets," Julia said as she planted a big juicy kiss on Chet's lips.

"Well this moron didn't tell a soul," he said returning the kiss.

"Yeh, may I remind you, I STILL find that disgusting." Slash said.

I noticed that Slim was still in thought and wasn't walking with the pep that we all had from hearing the news of the boat. He signaled me with his eyes and she saw. We all made a b-line for the ladder. This was going to be a serious conference.

"We got to split it up," Slim started.

"Why?" she asked, "You know the boat, Brotha, it was yours once. It can fit everybody in here."

"Yeah but you got to get to it first. Me and my boys been doing this for a while, Sis. The easy road you and the Hero down there take, it's done. There's so many cops on that road you might as well put on a uniform. And they got the WAP target on your brother, Shottie. Y'all may get picked up and recruited but they are going to execute him."

I pulled out one of my maps.

"Show me on here where the boat is."

Slim pointed out where the grotto was located and several WAP checkpoints.

"That only leaves here which is some rough territory to be dragging Helena's parents through," I said.

"Not to mention, that is a very heavy Aryan stronghold. We're going to have to walk right through that," she said.

"How many seats on that sub, Slim?" I asked.

"Twelve. We got a compartment we can put the girls in so it's a smooth ride for them."

"Aight. So we send Miss Chichi, Nina, Yolanda, Helena and her parents with you," she said.

"Also my Dad," I began, "and Uncle Jeff, Sara, and Kyrin. And let the lovebirds go with you too, Chet and Julia. The rest of us can slip through Aryan country and meet you guys when we get on that boat."

"That's if the boat is even there. You know there's been WAP activity around that area. It's been so long we both nearly forgot that we had the boat option…"

"It'll be there, Brotha. We have a bigger problem though."

"What is it?" I asked her.

"Getting the people downstairs to go for the plan. You know Chet ain't going nowhere and Kyrin is going to have a fit. If he don't go then we got your Aunt and Uncle staying too. And so on."

"Well they have to go for it, ya dig. We ain't got the time for this and EVERYbody will get fucked if they don't chill."

We went downstairs to deliver the news and as she (and I have to admit it, I did too) knew there was immediate protest.

Chet, of course was first, "There's no way I'm leaving you Sis. The path is easy, we can all go as a family."

This offended Nina, "So we ain't family now? We just get shipped off like we can't hang?"

"I want to go with my cousins," Kyrin said, "if Steve gets to go I go too."

Everyone started arguing over the others about who should go with Slim and who should travel with us. My Dad finally spoke over everyone.

"We can NOT be a clan divided!" he said with tremendous authority. "If this is what they think is best to get us safely out of here then we do EXACTLY what they say or we perish!"

Everyone looked at him ashamed that they were arguing.

"Now, Muffin, you lay out the plan so we all understand it and we'll do what you say." All eyes were focused on me.

"Chet, if you want to come with us, you give up your seat to Steve," I started.

"No he won't," Steve replied, "I will go with you."

"OK then that's settled. Kyrin, I know you want to come with us so bad but you have to go with your Mom and Dad and I need to make sure I have a strong man to watch after the girls. Could you please make sure they stay safe?"

"Yes." Kyrin said with his head down very disappointed.

"You promise, Lil Man," she added, "because we can assign someone else to the job who will take it seriously. This ain't a joke."

He perked up and looked very serious. "Yes. I'm going to watch them. Don't worry about a thing."

I nodded and smiled at Kyrin. He was like me with his determination and I knew that, even with him only being a teenager, he was going to defend our daughters with his very last breath if he had to. Sara looked at her so relieved. She knew for sure she wouldn't have to worry about Kyrin following us at the risk of his own life.

"I want to share everything with you all," I continued, "no secrets. We could all just march to the beach as one big happy family but Slim says the roads are packed with WAPs. You guys know, we're fugitives and soon so will Slim and all of the AWOL WAPs that are helping us. YOU are going to be people expected to turn over fugitives or face the consequences. It's hot and we have to move in unison and very fast. Also," I said as I looked at Chet, Steve and Slash, "we have no choice -- we're going to be traveling right into Aryan country. Right now would be a good time to take Chet's seat on the sub, we won't blame you if you do."

"You can take my seat too. I ain't going nowhere without my Boo," Julia said as she stepped forward.

"Aight, Steve, Slash, you both got passage on the sub."

"No, I'm still with you, Sister," Steve said looking at her.

"Yeh? Me miss this fat bitch," Slash said pointing to Julia, "actually moving and in unison? I'm going with you guys."

"Fuck you greasy heffa!"

At that moment one of Slim's drivers came in and broke up the meeting.

"Boss man, there's some serious -- whoa! We're taking all these people? It's going to be a real tight squeeze. You know Ray is going to have an animal!"

"You got news, soldier?" Slim said.

"Yes Sir! There's some chatter over the voicebox, we need to do this thing now if we're doing it. And, Sir, they're tightening the perimeter in this area. I'd say in the next 48, they'll find this place."

"The bridge?"

"Almost done."

Slim turned to us and for the first time in my memory, he looked like an official World Army Police Officer.

"Alright people, listen up! You're all MY prisoners that I'm taking for interrogation about the fugitives, 'The Black Ghost' and 'The White Ghost' aka 'Shottie', they travel together. You'll speak ONLY to me and my staff. If we get stopped along the way by other officers, you know NOTHING, diggit! It's very important that you remember you know nothing. You were picked up at Trade Post 21 and as far as you know you're going to be returned there after routine questioning. Nina, the babies are your babies if any one other than MY people asks, diggit?"

Nina nodded she understood. We hugged our clan, our family, as they wished us luck and tried their best not to shed tears. I kissed our daughters through glassy tear filled eyes as I whispered the promise to see them again soon. She kissed them too and she reluctantly passed them to Nina and Miss Chichi -- we tried our best to be strong as we saw our daughters taken away.

"I'm going to have some of those pineapples you like so much waiting for you, Muffin," my Dad said as he hugged me tightly, "and you know Kyrin likes 'em. So you better get to island quick because I can't promise I can hold him off."

I hugged him even tighter as he was the last one to get in the back of the waiting truck. Slim came back to our "empty" downstairs area and looked around.

"Sis, you got 48 before they're surrounding this place. They're almost done with the bridge… Shottie, we got each others back, right?"

"Right. See you on the island."

"Yeah, Brotha, just have my rum and my room waiting."

Slim hugged us, jumped in the truck and he was gone.

Chapter 14

It was still, empty, and quiet. Chet, Julia, Steve, Slash, she and I stood there marveling at the pure silence that surrounded us. After what seemed like forever of us just standing in the middle of an empty box she broke the silence.

"You heard Slim, we got 48 so we leave in 12. We need to be at that cove by the nighttime. We'll sail at night so nobody sees the boat and gets tempted to follow us."

"How will we know were to go?" Steve asked.

"C'mon man," she smiled and nodded her head in my direction, "my Baby is the Map Queen. Rivers, roads… Stars!"

Steve looked at me and was pleased. "We have a wise woman in our midst."

"Two," I said.

"Trail Master, bring your chick, we have to booby trap this place up. We need to slow the cops down. Steve, you go with Shottie and Slash, check our ammo inventory. I have the feeling we're going to need every bit we can carry."

"Actually, I have to go back to the city. But I'll get back in time for departure, yeh?" Slash announced.

"Back to the city?! HEFFA!" Julia looked as perplexed as we were.

"Yo, Slash, this shit ain't a joke! We running for our freedom and our lives here!"

"We gotta kill her," Chet chimed in.

"What the fu- Trail Master! Man, shut the hell up!"

"Hear me out, Ghost. What is she going to the city for? Huh? To snitch that we're going to the island! And whether they're building government on the mainland or not, they certainly have the resources to come to OUR island and pick up a butt load of fugitives! Shoot her."

"Shut up, Chet!" I said. "Slash, this is very dangerous and you won't be back in 12 hours. Under ordinary circumstances I'd say go for it but the cops are everywhere."

"Shoot. Her."

"We're NOT going to shoot anyone but you can't go back to the city, it's too risky," I said becoming annoyed by Chet.

"I HAVE to go back. OK, yeh, cat-out-the-bag, I knew about the island plan. Matter of fact, there are a bunch of islands. A buddy of mine put me in charge of creating frequencies and codes so these islands can talk to each other without interference from the Government, WAPs, anyone. I can keep secrets too, you know -- in secret books, in secret places-."

"Ah shit, tell me you're not going to say what I think you're going to say," she said as she put her face in her hands.

"What? What's she going to say?" Chet asked sarcastically, " 'shoot me'?"

"This heffa done fucked us all!" Julia said as she started to shake.

"We HAVE to go back," Steve said, "our family, everyone else, they'll be sitting ducks."

"Not if you let me get on the road now and I'll fly like the wind. I'll be back before you have time to miss me."

She spoke now, "Is there ammo, weapons or anything like that you left behind?"

"Yeh. There's plenty of stuff people abandoned. Even a few WAP vehicles too. Look, I didn't do this on purpose, guys. I thought we were coming for a visit and then we'd head on back. That was the ORIGINAL plan," Slash reminded her.

"And seeing Miss Chichi and them with bags packed didn't give you a clue that they might have changed the plans? And how much drugs have you done that you couldn't memorize the damn codes?" Julia asked.

"HEY! What's done is done. We have to get those codes, like, they should have been here already. Let's get this place looking pretty, pack what you can carry and the rest we'll leave as Christmas presents, ya dig? Make sure all of you have EVERYTHING that you don't want getting blown up!"

"Wait! I still don't get why we are going to the city? That's going to put us at least five hours back," Chet said.

"You have got to be that dumbest smart person I know, Trail Master! Haven't you been listening? Get that crossbow ready, man, because we're going high octane as soon as we leave this place."

"Chet, she left behind some information that could endanger all of us if the cops discover it; all of our families. We need to get it," Steve said patiently.

We packed extra light and efficient, hoping we would recover some of the ammo we left behind when we got to the city. I didn't realize how angry I was about leaving until she told me I couldn't bring a bowl we shared when we would have big chunky stews.

"Why don't we just stay and fight!" I yelled. Everyone looked at me surprised.

"Weellll, we can fight off a bunch of unskilled Raiders and we'll even get a few dumb Aryans. But I doubt we'll hold off the entire World Army Police force but that's just me, Sis. Anyone else want to get in on this?"

I ignored Chet and turned to her, "How could you be so cold? This was our home now we're running again! Aren't you tired of being the Ghost? Help me stay and fight them, not blow up our home! Let's go get those codes and come back and protect what's ours!"

She looked at me. I thought for just one moment she was going to stop setting up the booby traps and prepare for battle. But she only said something that broke me out of my hysteria and made me realize she was indeed tired of being the Ghost; I knew we needed to get to that island so she and I would never have to be "ghosts" again.

"Khyra, times got real tough fighting Aryans and everybody else and my Mother would always tell my sister, me and Slim, 'home is where your heart is'. My heart is right here," and she placed the palm of her hand on my chest. "So all this shit could burn to the ground as long as you're with me, I'm home. If that's cold then I'm the coldest you'll meet. We'll go get the codes, if you want me to come back here and fight the cops that's what I'll do. But we have to move fast, Khyra. Wussup?"

I grabbed some wire and connected more pipe bombs while everyone continued on with the tasks they had at hand. I looked at her with tears in my eyes.

"You owe me a bowl," I said.

"I know."

When we were finished none of us were happy. It wasn't the memories we'd made in that place were going to ruin; it wasn't that the place looked like a spider's web of wires for bombs and explosives; it wasn't even the fact that so much food and ammunition were going to be destroyed, we were going back into the city and we were going back blind.

All of our contact people were either complying with the government or they saw this coming like Slim did and deserted a long time ago. We only had Slash leading us to a place we hoped the police hadn't taken over yet. If they had, we were praying for the miracle that they hadn't started their sweep and search operations yet. We were also not very happy with the fact that we'd have a straight shot through Aryan country from the city but it was still five hours out of our way. We needed to reach the cove at night, under cover of complete darkness; this trip was not accounted for in our time schedule.

"This will make a big enough explosion, aight. There's going to be damage but we need to listen for the sound more than anything else."

"And the smoke," Chet added.

"You got it, Trail Master. This way we can tell how far back the cops are, ya dig?"

"I don't wanna be no party pooper but we set up traps and decoy traps all over the place. How the hell we getting out of here if we trapped ourselves in?"

She looked at me and winked. "Did we?"

"Follow me everybody," I said and we all went up the ladder to what was our love nest. I led them to the far side of the space where the second set of plastic flaps covered what most thought was a storage area. It was a cave. She'd stored the munitions and dry stuff in the cave but there was also a long tunnel that led to an escape hatch, which would put us miles away from "Love Fort" and not that far from the main road.

As she made sure the ladder was secure on the downstairs area ceiling I handed torches to everyone for the long walk through the now very dark tunnel. We left no room for fatal mistakes and she cut the power source that worked the lights on either side of the tunnel. We made our way in darkness -- except for the brilliant light from our torches as I kept on forward.

No one could possibly hear us where we were but we all made a mental agreement to move quickly and silently. We could hear Julia breathing harder than the rest of us but she made no complaints and she kept up with the pace.

It seemed as if we were in the tunnel forever until my torch cast a strange shadow, but not so strange that I hadn't seen it before -- it was a ladder. We came out in a well covered area on the other side of the bridge. Slim was right, repairs on the bridge were going very fast.

"Crap," Slash whispered. "If those guys weren't a bunch of lazy farts that bridge would already be done. There's not going to be a thing to come back to. That bridge leads you right to the place."

"We better keep moving then," Steve said, "Unless you need to rest or something." He sheepishly looked in Julia's direction. She was still breathing hard but she wasn't sweating and she wasn't going to be blamed for slowing down our escape.

"What the fuck you looking at ME for?" she hissed at Steve.

"I just thought that-."

"A bitch is outta breath and outta shape? Rest if you want to rest, kid, but when I need rest I'll take it."

"Don't get so testy, Sweetheart. Maybe none of us will have to do much walking. Look."

Chet pointed to a group of cops surrounding one officer who looked like he was lower in rank than the others. He was twirling the keys to a WAP truck that was facing the opposite direction of the "Love Fort". When we strained to listen to the conversation we could hear that he was a rookie cop and therefore a gopher. He was taking orders for the rest of his seniors -- he was going to fill those orders in the city! We just had to hitch a ride on that truck.

She and I were already two steps ahead. I nudged Chet as I carefully unloaded my pack and handed him an explosive arrowhead while she unfolded her bow. Chet screwed the arrowhead on the shaft and passed it down the line to Julia who passed it Steve as he carefully handed it to her. Julia made a sign to her eyes then pointed out a small Jeep at the far side of the bridge and away from the big truck all the cops were now around, shouting their orders at the rookie. She nodded at Julia, arched back, pulled the bow and hit the target.

The Jeep exploded, quite loudly, as all the hungry ordering officers stopped their shouting and raced over to the Jeep. Only the rookie and one other officer stayed by the truck but the explosion mesmerized them -- their backs were turned to us. None of the officers ever knew they had stowaways. When the rookie got in the truck with his partner, even though we couldn't see one another in the darkness under the tarp where we hid, we knew that we all had smiles on our faces.

It was smooth sailing into the city and it happened that the rookie was going to the side of town we needed to be. When the truck finally stopped and we were sure they'd gone on to the business they needed to do, we were disheartened by what we saw slipping out of the truck.

The World Army Police were everywhere. Trucks and Jeeps were parked at Frank's abandoned bar in the junkyard; they turned it into a central precinct for the area. Some of the buildings were being sourced with electricity and we saw gas and water trucks parked in the area too. I'd become so used to coming here and now I wanted nothing more than to get those codes and get the hell out.

"Psst, this way," Slash said, already making her way toward the building Miss Chichi used to maintain her "establishment" in. I absorbed everything remembering how beautiful it all was in the past. Now, my eyes only saw authority and efficiency with absolutely no room for expression. Conform and live as one or be punished -- not death. Death in the new world I was witnessing before my eyes would be wonderful compared to what was here. You'd be punished here, I thought. The object is to have slaves to rule over so you couldn't die, you'd have to be broken.

"Let's make this real quick," I said to Slash as we dipped around the corner of the building.

"We gone catch us a ride outta here too," Julia said as she nodded at a nearby Jeep. "Y'all go get the codes and we'll have the car running when you get back."

"And how far will we get with all these WAPs around?" she asked. "Check it, you and your man get the Jeep, aight? Roll it around to that alley over there. We get some rest in one of the rooms and then we dip out of here at night while they're drinking and jerking off," she explained.

"That sounds cool, Sister. You guys go up, I'm going to make sure we have some fuel for the ride," Steven volunteered.

"If you see some shells laying around, you might want to grab those too." I said and winked at Steve.

"Suuuure," he replied winking back, "I bet I can find some just laying around."

We made it to Miss Chichi's abandoned place of business. The furniture was there but the ambiance, the thing that made it Miss Chichi's, was gone. The warm glow of color that used to fill the place when we'd visit was grey. In fact, the apartment looked like a dingy old room in a dilapidated building. She sure did have the proper "establishment" and she certainly kept it that way.

We were lucky; the WAPs hadn't started their Search and Sweep or finding of things that would get us in a world of trouble. It was actually Slash who took a very clean, even though it was quite dull, apartment and turned into a messy apartment.

"Yo, I thought you said you knew where the codes were?" she said becoming frustrated with Slash's tearing up the place.

"Yeh, I do," Slash replied, "I just have to remember WHERE in here that I-."

A look of sudden clarity came over Slash's face.

"Nina's room."

She headed straight for the doors Miss Chichi had cut into the main wall and flung them open. She disappeared for a while and all we could hear were the sounds of sheets being torn off the bed and other things being thrown around.

"Gotcha!" Slash said victoriously.

She came out of the room triumphant with two small books raised over her head.

"See, told you. Piece of cake."

She went to Slash and took the books from her and handed them to me.

"Shottie's gonna hold onto those and you're going to nap here since you ran through like a tornado. We're going down the hall to where Yolanda stayed. When everybody else comes through, they stay here with you, ya dig?"

"Yeh, yeh. No problems."

"Baby, I thought I may have heard a little objection in her voice," I said as I looked at Slash with the most disgusted look.

I was upset that we were in the city. We should have been on the road instead of surrounded by cops, waiting it out like we were about to be sentenced to death. I wanted to pick on Slash as much as I could for her carelessness; it eased my anxious thoughts.

"Really? You have some objections?" she asked Slash.

"No!" Slash replied shaking her head wildly.

"Because," and she unsheathed Kunte, "we could go downstairs and discuss any objections you might have. You know, some real customer service type shit."

I stifled a giggle and unsheathed Marva to accent the point she made.

"Nope. Everything is OK by me."

We walked through Nina's room (a total mess) and out her side door down the hall to a modest, smaller and duller, version of Miss Chichi's place. She broke into laughter.

"You are an evil woman, Khyra. You almost made your girl pee her pants!"

"What? Baby! Whaaaat, she DID sound like she was objecting to-." I couldn't finish before I started laughing as hard as she was.

By the time everyone came back from their respective missions, she and I were laying in bed, sleeping with one eye open, Marva and Kunte lying across our chest -- just in case.

I don't know which one of us fell asleep first but we both woke up at the same time when we heard the shouting coming from down the hall. We carefully slipped on our boots and had our machetes at the ready. I'd even managed to quietly slip on the holster with my revolver in it.

We crept toward Nina's room where the arguing was coming from. When I slowly opened the door, I could see Steve carefully getting out of Nina's large bed while Chet and Julia eased out of the bed without making a sound. The three of them must have decided to sleep in one location. The screaming was coming from beyond the double doors of Nina's room -- from Miss Chichi's apartment, where Slash opted to sleep solo on the plush couch that was left behind.

Steve cracked the door and we heard much clearer the argument going on. The argument wasn't as much of a problem as who Slash was having the argument with -- two horny WAPs.

"You're in a brothel, honey, we're not idiots AND we're not paying!" said Cop 1.

"Do you know who we are? How we're capable of making your life very miserable. We can put you out of business," Cop 2 said.

"That's fine," said Slash, "I'm not IN business. I keep telling you guys, I came here to sleep. It is purely coincidental that you guys came here have a ménage and I'm around. Look at this place, there's just me here! That should tell you something."

Steve opened the door a little too wide and it squeaked. The WAPs spun in our direction with guns drawn instructing us inside the maid room.

"Well now," said Cop 2, "you said you were the only one here! This is going to be great!"

"A fucking ORGY!" Cop 1 squealed with delight.

"Sorry fellas but you'll have to wait until we're done with the ladies then you can join us. You," Cop 2 said pointing at Julia, "I like a Black chick with a fat ass. Do you have a thong or something you can put on? Now!"

"FUCK YOU!" Chet exploded in anger.

"Fuck me? How about I pull out my cock and fuck you? And what are a bunch of people who don't want to put out doing in a brothel? That's what I want to know. Better still, I don't want to know. I came here to get laid and either that happens or we start checking some ID papers. And if you don't have ID papers you're going to be in a world of trouble 'Mr. Fuck You'!"

While Cop 2 was lecturing Chet, I noticed that Cop 1 was silently and very intensely watching me; as he examined her a little more intensely I could see the terror slowly spread across his face.

"Oh shit! Oh shit! EVERYBODY DROP YOUR WEAPONS!"

We dropped our machetes and I dropped my revolver on the floor. Her machete fell but on the instep of her foot. The scared officer said nothing about us kicking our weapons toward him. Big mistake.

"C-C-Carl, the other Black one, with the scar -- it's the Ghost!"

Cop 2,"Carl", looked at her and also had a scared look on his face that suddenly gave way to laughter.

"No way," he snickered, "we've got almost every WAP officer looking for that fugitive and half of the guys who want a piece of her are right here," he began. "Do you realize how incredibly stupid she'd have to be coming here, in a whorehouse of all places?"

"Look at the gun the blonde's got. A revolver! The 'Black Ghost' travels with 'Shottie, the White Ghost'. Both of them are right there! I'm telling you!"

Carl looked closer at the two of us. He looked even closer at me and licked his lips.

"We've got two fugitives wanted alive for processing, huh? Tell you what, take the rest of them in the back room and I'm going to process the 'White Ghost' here before they lock such a beautiful thing away from the world," Carl said.

"There's a reward if she's alive and not damaged. I recognized her -- I recognized them both so don't mess her up bad. When you do the report, Carl, make sure you put I saw them both," said Cop 1.

"Yeah, yeah," Carl said, eyes firmly fixed on me.

She calmly spoke, "Carl, there is no way I'm going in a different room and hang my head while I sit back and let you rape my woman. Not while I have breath in my body will that ever happen."

Carl turned very pale and reached for his gun.

"Well maybe you won't have breath then," he said fumbling to get his weapon out the holster.

She kicked up her foot where she'd dropped Kunte Kente and before anyone could see she had it in her hand. She ran straight at Carl as he finally was able to take out his gun. She dipped to the left, narrowly avoiding his gunshot and off went his arm at the elbow, gun still in severed limb. He was in shock but he never got the opportunity to scream because she chopped him in his neck near his throat, crushing his voicebox.

Cop 1 dropped his gun as he got on his knees begging for forgiveness and his life.

"I think he should croak like his friend there," Slash said and spat on him. " 'I saw them first, I recognized them'," she mocked.

She ran at Cop 1 stopping inches away from his neck with her blade.

"What did you see?"

"Nothing! I didn't see anything!!" Cop 1 cried trembling.

"You recognize any faces in the crowd?" she asked.

"I don't see ANYBODY! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I swear, please , I won't say a thing."

"Sister," Steve said, "that shot is going to attract some attention."

"Got it. Trail Master, get this dude."

Chet walked over to the dead WAP officer and took his cuffs and cuffed the feet of Cop 1. He used Cop 1 cuffs to secure his hands and we left him crying in a pool of his own urine while his buddy's blood started to congeal.

Miss Chichi installed a back entrance that allowed married men to escape unnoticed by their inquisitive wives -- we bolted down those steps for our lives into the alley where the Jeep was, untouched.

"Big Bro, come with me and bring your crossbow. Julia, the rest of you guys need to meet us where Yolanda's old clinic used to be," I said. The WAPs were closing in and it was only a matter of time before they surrounded our position. I took out my revolver.

"Sister, what are you going to do?" Steve asked looking very worried.

"We need some time. Make sure you have that Jeep running when we get back."

"I'll come too."

"No," she said to Steve, "they gotta do this and WE have to be ready, let's go!"

Chet and I ran around the front of the building where Miss Chichi's was located. The WAPs were pouring in from everywhere. I saw a large truck with more WAPs spilling out of it, on the far side of the block, closer to where the junkyard was. Chet read my mind.

"I can make it, Lil Sis. Just hand me one of those kaboomie things and watch."

Chet arched his back a little, took aim and fired right into the running engine of the truck. He did do it, the explosion was loud and shrapnel was everywhere. When we felt it safe to peek out our heads we saw the cops running back toward the truck. Just to keep them occupied I let Chet have a go at the bar that was once Frank's. He sent two arrows sailing into the junkyard with equally loud explosions and greater damage than the truck. After his second arrow went sailing we ran as fast as we could to the Jeep.

Everyone, except Julia who was in the driver's seat, was outside waving us on. They'd parked near a building that was closer than Yolanda's old clinic.

"There are cops in the clinic, we saw them go in," said Slash, "we're going to push beyond the building and then get the hell out of here. Be ready to jump in."

Chet put his crossbow in the Jeep along with my bag of explosive arrowheads. We pushed carefully and quietly past the clinic. Just as I noticed Steve wasn't with us he came from an alley on the side of the clinic waving frantically.

"Start the car! Start it!"

We pushed harder and the Jeep started as Julia put it in gear. We all jumped in as Julia put her foot on the gas. Slash passed me my revolver just as we saw WAPs spilling out of the clinic, taking aim. Some of them ran to their vehicles parked outside the clinic.

"Hey you cow," Slash screamed at Julia, "you might want to do some REAL driving instead of this girlie shit you're doing now! I expect we'll have company in a minute."

Julia threw the Jeep in gear and went even faster. I wondered where she learned to drive the way she did, as she zig-zagged out of the range of fire we were receiving.

"Maybe you should jump out here, greasy bitch. All that grease in your hair and them critters you got packed in there like some kind of redneck roach motel, is weighing us down!" Julia laughed as she got back at Slash. Slash laughed too while the WAPs became smaller and smaller in the distance.

"You said we needed fuel and ammo," Steve began, "but we also needed time," he said and he showed me a large serrated knife with chunks of rubber in between the teeth. He was grinning like a satisfied cat. The cops were going to have a heck of a time trying to follow us with flat tires.

We were on the road for a while, anticipating our journey into Aryan territory. It was a trip none of us wanted to make but our ultimate happiness depended on it. We debated if we should go in by foot using stealth or if we should just barrel through using the Jeep.

"If we use the kaboomies," Chet reasoned, "we could do some real damage and get out of there at the same time. Hell, the way my lady is driving, they'd never catch us guys."

"Trail Master makes sense," she said to me. She still looked worried, as if she knew something that Chet hadn't taken into consideration.

We bounced around in the Jeep and I looked at her.

"Talk to me," I said.

She leaned in smiling so the others would think we were sharing a special moment.

"We got to be ready, guns blazing. If I know those Aryans like I know them, they've been listening to the WAP frequencies just like we used to. The minute the cops catch up to us they'll be chattering all over the place and the Aryans will be waiting."

I had an idea.

"Julia, is there a radio up there?"

"Hell yes!" she shouted back.

I looked back to her and asked, "What are Slim's secure code frequencies? Surely they aren't going to broadcast over regular frequencies because they know we have a government vehicle -- we'd hear everything."

"Baby you are a genius."

Julia turned on the radio and Chet tuned into a secure frequency using Slim's code. The news wasn't good. The cops we'd left in the city were a half hour behind us and they reported we were armed and dangerous. There was also a team who was 10 minutes ahead of us that was told to help sandwich us in. It was clear they no longer wanted to recruit either "Ghost", we were to be brought in; if we resisted we would be executed on the spot right along with our accomplices.

"Wow, we're celebrities too," Slash said.

"Dead ones," Julia replied, "they don't want no followers so we're definitely going to be used as examples."

Just as Julia finished speaking we heard a loud bang! I had my gun ready as Julia tried to regain control of the Jeep. A tire had blown and we slowed to a stop in the middle of the road. Sitting ducks.

"Everybody out! We have the equipment, we have to change this shit NOW and FAST! Khyra, you and Steve cover us. We got the cops coming in fast, let's move it Trail Master."

Steve went to the back and took out two semi-automatic machine guns and stood ready as I made sure the ammo for my revolver was right within my reach. Marva was on my back ready to fly if we needed her. I looked down and saw that someone placed some large road spikes out -- it was very lucky for us (or a testament to Julia's driving skill) only one tire was blown. We had been driving so fast we hadn't realized we reached the beginning of Aryan territory. I grabbed the spikes and told Steve to cover me. I went further up the road in the direction the other group of WAPs was supposed to be coming from and set them down so they would have as much of a surprise as we did. There I saw more spikes scattered on the road without any direction or effectiveness; the Aryans who set this trap were very lax in their duty. I placed them in such a way that they would be seen only when it was too late.

I ran as fast as I could back to where the Jeep was as they were finishing up the tire. We heard a couple of trucks, more Jeeps, barreling down the road, then BOOM!

In an instant we heard a crash and saw up ahead that one Jeep spun out on the side of the road but not before the other one slammed into it causing it to also spin out.

The cops that weren't hurt as badly crawled out of the vehicles and began firing. Steve opened up on them with the machine gun sending them scrambling for cover behind their damaged vehicles. I hit two cops that were going to get a much larger gun that was thrown from the first vehicle. They went down inches away from the gun.

She and Chet set up a claw looking thing on the shaft he was going to fire from his crossbow. They were trying to grab the big gun or at least get it out of the range of the cops so they couldn't get it without the risk of being shot. He landed right on the mark.

There was panic in their eyes as the cops realized what was being attempted and a couple of them ran toward the big gun, in hopes of recovering it, before it was out of their reach. Steve sprayed over and around them as they returned fire watching their deadliest weapon inch closer and closer to us.

At last, someone tried to be a hero and aimed straight for her and Chet with a machine gun. He didn't see me. I shot both of his knees out and when he continued using his elbows to crawl and aimed at them once more, I shot holes in his hands.

We finally had the gun on our side and put it in the Jeep. Everyone piled in as quickly as possible with Steve covering us all.

"C'mon Steve!" she called.

"Sister, you made my family safe. You gave us all home, please tell them I love them and make sure the girls remember their Uncle Steve."

"No man! Get in -- we can get out of here together! All of us!"

Steve looked down the road at the WAPs regrouping and looked at the Jeep.

"Leave me some grenades. Don't forget, make sure they know about their Uncle Steve."

"You know it, Brother. Julia, when we pass them we got to make a break for the woods. Can you handle that?"
Julia pulled off the road and into the woods and drove as fast as she could maneuver, swaying and turning, avoiding all things that could tip over the vehicle and everyone in it.

"Stop!" she said and Julia slammed the brakes to a sudden stop.

We listened in silence and heard shooting. Suddenly, there were two large explosions and no more shooting; there was only the hum of the Jeep's motor and the quiet sounds of the woods.

"What is it?" Slash asked.

She looked at me then she looked at everyone else.

"Give me 20 minutes," she said.

"No no no no no, I don't like how this is going to sound," Slash replied.

"Give me 20 minutes," she repeated, "if I'm not back by then look in my pack that tells you exactly how to get to the main road. After that Trail Master can show you the way."

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"You can't come, Khyra, so don't even think about it. If I don't get back they need somebody who can follow the stars."

"But you WILL get back," I said staring her in her eyes. I saw no fear in them, only concern for Steve.

"He'd come back for us, Baby. I have to see if… I have to see."

"But you will come back."

"I'll be back, Julia. Have that car ready."

But she wasn't back in 20 minutes and Julia, very reluctantly, started the vehicle.

"What do you want us to do, Snowflake?"

A lump formed in my throat and I could barely speak. "We…"

Chet finished my sentence, "We have to go. If she's not back it's because she couldn't get back. She wouldn't want us to sit here get caught."

"Let's give her five more minutes," Slash said.

"Slash-," Chet said.

"FIVE more FUCKING minutes! We're going to leave either way, let's give her a chance. What do you say, Shottie?"

They all looked at me, I nodded my head and silently prayed she'd be running up the hill with World Army Police officers hot on her trail.

Five minutes, the longest five minutes of my life, came and went with no sign of her. Julia started the Jeep and this time, drove on.

We drove in silence, tearing up the dirt path getting deeper and deeper into Aryan territory. Julia stopped suddenly at an overturned WAP ATV. Aryans must have ambushed the cops here and taken them away. There was no sign of anyone around.

We turned around when we heard the thud on the roof of the Jeep. I had my pistol drawn and Chet was ready with his crossbow.

"I said 20 minutes," she said smiling, "y'all shoulda been up here already!"

Slash looked at her in complete disbelief.

"They should call you 'Cat' instead of Ghost because I'll be damned if you don't have nine lives!"

She turned the ATV upright and told us to get back in the vehicle as I walked toward her.

"Baby, Steve is safe," she said shaking her head, "or something. He took the grenades and blew them cops straight to hell. I looked for some remains of him or a blood path or something… He's the ghost for real. Dude vanished. I was looking for a trail or something when the other cops came up -- stole this ATV, they was piiissssed! And look, they ain't that far behind us so get back in and follow me."

Julia handled the Jeep like she was on an ATV, dodging trees and putting the pedal on the floor. We estimated that the police were probably 15 minutes behind us if that much and we'd, so far, managed to stay off the Aryan radar.

We'd taken a wide turn and gone down a path was less rocky the further along we traveled and that's where we saw them, waiting for us.

There were at least 20 Aryans, all on ATVs, all with jackets that had big black swastikas on them. The "leader" stopped us and made a hand gesture to follow him. Their shotguns aimed at our Jeep and the ATV she was riding compelled us to listen.

We continued to drive down the winding and dusty path until we reached their compound. It was large and intimidating with razor sharp barbed wire at the gate. I thought to myself that this could possibly be the end of the road for us. This place was larger and much more organized than the Raider camp I was in with Garr. The other, more disturbing thing I noticed, there was no Folk. There weren't any Apache -- no people of color. Period. I knew we could fight our way out of this place but could we fend off this many white people who'd be bent on our destruction?

The leader raised his hand once we were in the gates and we stopped. He grabbed her, threw her off the ATV, and had one of his sidekicks take it away. It was their ATV now. He walked over to the Jeep and ordered us out.

We were lined in a row then the leader began to speak.

"You are trespassing on the sovereign land of the Aryan Nation. White people, you will be led to a spot away from this land unless you choose to stay here and fight arm-in-arm with your white brothers and sisters at war against the charlatan government and the hoard of mud people who would defile our sanctity and purity. Your vehicles are payment for your crime; we will take them with no objection."

He looked at her with intense hatred in his eyes while spitting at Julia's feet in disgust.

"Our great and mighty leader shall sentence the niggers you are traveling with to death. You'll either be shot or hung by the neck, for trespassing on sacred ground is punishable by death," he said with a scowl on his face.

"Listen-."

"Julia, don't." I said as she stood forward in line to speak to the man who just delivered our sentences. People in the compound started to crowd around us.

"We're just like you, man. We're against the law -- the government. We're trying to get out of here with no problems."

His face became red with anger as he shouted at Julia.

"You are NOTHING! You NEVER compare yourself to me you mud duck!"

I could see Chet getting angry too. I was standing near him, grabbed his hand and squeezed it. We had to use our brains to get out of this situation or none of us would make it out alive.

Someone stepped forward from the crowd and pointed to Slash.

"Arthur, that's her! They brought her right to us, the traitor!"

The man who I thought was the leader of this group, Arthur, looked away from Julia and concentrated on Slash.

Suddenly a flash of something remembered spread across his face.

"Well isn't this a wonderful surprise. Boy the King is going to be happy to see your treacherous face again. Why this is a great day to celebrate!" he said to the crowd that now encircled us.

"Y'all ain't going to be celebrating shit," she said. Arthur turned his attention toward her. He was stopped in his tracks when he looked in her eyes; there would be no speeches given to her and I could see he dared not call her a "mud duck".

"It's like the lady said to you before, ARTHUR, we just want to pass on through. If you weren't such a rude ass cracker, you could've let her finish telling you. We're on the run. We came in here hot and heavy before you stopped us and I'd say that we got a lot of WAPs, heavily armed WAPs, 20 minutes behind us -- if that much."

Her words got his attention and that of the crowd. There were gasps and groans and people speaking of getting ready for the final showdown.

Arthur laughed, "We're heavily armed too, if you hadn't noticed. And we're prepared to get it on with the WAPs -- World Army Puppets! This is part of the prophecy of RAHOWA; it will fulfill itself and lead us to a purified Holy Land. You, part of the hoard brought this to our door, praise Jesus, and we shall beat them back like we have in the past!"

She broke free of the line and walked to where they'd parked our Jeep.

"Man, we don't got time for this shit," she said.

"STOP! You stop or I will shoot you down for your insubordination!"

She continued to walk to the Jeep and pulled out the huge gun she and Chet got from the cops during the firefight in the road. She fired two loud shots in the air that had everyone on the ground except we who stood in the line of judgment.

"You got guns like this in your arsenal? Huh, Arthur? WAPs got guns like this and they are coming here because you wouldn't let us pass and you guys left a big fat trail to your doorstep. We didn't bring this to you; we were staying as far away from you as possible. So if you got guns like this then you're all good but if you don't, y'all are gonna be a bunch of dead ass crackers for real!"

"You're not going anywhere, ya here me? Not anywhere! Riders, go tie her up until the King comes. You're not passing a thing, nigger!"

"That decision still rests with me, Arthur."

The crowd parted itself and giant monster of a man walked to where we stood in line. An equally tall and lean woman followed him. He had a swastika tattooed smack in the middle of his forehead and a giant eagle tattooed over his broad exposed chest. I could see the woman had "white power" tattooed down the length of her tremendous arm.

"They pass and you give them what they need," she said in such a calm and soft voice I thought someone behind her was speaking.

"Pardon me, your Majesty, they broke our laws. They're trespassing on our land."

"My Queen wants this and she will have it," the giant said.

"But your Majesty…"

"Arthur would you have them think we're barbarians? Have you taken too many knocks to the head? Don't you remember her?" she said as she pointed past me in her direction.

The Queen turned to the crowd and spoke.

"Arthur and his men were escorting me to visit some of our brothers and sisters in our struggle; to warn YOU who enjoy sanctuary with us," she said as she waved her hand toward a section of the crowd, "to come here, your home. The War was coming. You all remember that don't you? We were ambushed by the WAPs, sold out for 30 pieces of silver," she said and she turned and looked at Slash. Slash looked away.

"You all know what happened. Five of those nice officers grabbed me and were going to take me while I had my son in my belly. A few brave men died trying to save me, Arthur was hurt and the others were cowards only saving themselves. One of them started and The Black Ghost," she pointed to her again for emphasis, "sent him to hell where he belonged. The other four joined him shortly after. Our Prince lives today because of her. Which of you, my brothers and sisters would shame us by saying they can't pass?"

No one spoke, not even Arthur.

"She bandaged your head and picked glass out of your wound, Arthur. She saw our markings of our white pride and saved us anyway. She drove us to this very compound and my son was born two days later, healthy. You didn't die of infection, your wounds healed nicely. If they need an escort, you get some of your men and lead the way -- they WILL pass through here, Arthur, safely."

A sheepish looking Arthur said, "Yes, your Majesty. But the traitor, she has to stay."

The King came forward and placed his giant hand on her shoulder. He smiled a genuine smile at her.

"You have children?" he asked her.

"Yeah, little girls."

"Good, good. Kids, they do something to you. I'd show you my son but you have to get the hell out of here and we have to prepare for battle. My Queen couldn't stop talking about you and I would look like a piece of shit to my kid and my people if we killed you just because you're a ni- trespasser. Sorry, old habits. If you need food or water…"

"Nah, we're good. Matter of fact, tell your boy Arthur no need for an escort, he can unload the Jeep and we'll be on our way. You can have all the ammo and that big gun is yours. We got a bunch of grenades; you might actually have a shot against them, we just want to haul ass out of here."

"Thank you. And that's not a problem but let us at least give you some canteens," he motioned to Arthur and they ran to the pump to fill up canteens with water while others unloaded the Jeep of its munitions. Chet and Julia were there to supervise so no one would mistake our weapons personal weapons as gifts.

"And now for the bad news," the King said, "the traitor can't go with you."

We all looked at Slash.

"No way," Julia said, "What happened to that Brotherly Love you was laying on us a minute ago?"

Arthur handed Julia a canteen and snickered, "I told you. Traitors don't pass."

She and I walked over to Slash and asked, "What did you do? Can we smooth this over?"

"Another person in another life. I'm going to stay, guys." Slash stepped closer to me and said, "The secret is safe with me, OK? I won't betray you. Besides, when the cops come in here, I'm going to slip out while no one's looking. Don't worry, I'll be there and save me some of pineapple, yeh?"

She looked at a stunned Chet and Julia.

"I'm going to go ahead on and stay. Besides with your pussy driving and the weight of your fat ass, you'll have to turn back to help us fight anyway or the cops will catch you."

Julia flipped Slash the bird but it didn't have the same zest it usually did when they went on their verbal battles. We said our goodbyes and good lucks as Arthur pointed us toward the back door direction out of the compound. I looked back and waved as I saw Aryans scrambling to get ready for the showdown with the police. Slash waved back. It was the last time we ever saw her.

Julia kept up her relentless driving, going on pure adrenaline and the directions being screamed at her.

We finally stopped a few miles ahead of the left fork we took that Chet insisted was the wrong direction.

"If we are still being followed we want the trail to end right here, Chet," she said. "Get all your stuff and cut the tires on the Jeep. We walk from here. Fast!"

At first we ran around in circles to cover up the actual direction we began to travel in. It was dark, no torches allowed. We ran and blended into the woods like phantoms. Only the woods were less and less woods and more open air and space. The night looked wonderful and I took it all in as I ran, my lungs feeling like they were about to burst.

She stopped running. We looked around and we were the only souls in sight. She and Chet turned and carefully slid down the side of the road as Julia and I followed.

It turned out we were standing on the top of the cave that we hoped the boat was still in. She explained to us that we would have to swim to the cove and enter the cave that way.

"Let's strip to our undies, pack up all our stuff and do this, aight?"

"We can't leave a thing here on this beach," Chet continued.

After we packed everything we all took the risk. We waded out into the water in the dark and held onto each other like a chain as we swam to the cove, hoping to God we didn't drown in the dark before we could get to a boat we weren't all that sure was still there.

Once we got to the entrance of cave Chet disconnected himself from the chain and dove under. Julia almost screamed but she clamped her hand over Julia's mouth before a peep could let out.

She whispered as soft as she could, "I need you to be strong JJ. You can't be making noise like that in here, sound is amplified and if anyone is out there, we're done. Chet's a big boy and he's been here a bunch of times. Hang onto my arm it's going to be pitch black in here."

She was right, I couldn't see if Julia agreed not to panic or if she was panic stricken into silence. I had to stifle the urge to call out to Chet when I heard him whisper to us.

"Bring them around the back, the ladder's down."

She swam, with us in tow, toward what I thought was the opposite direction. Sound is reflected strangely in that little cave because she took us right where I thought Chet was not. She placed Julia's hand on the ladder (I only know because she said, "put your hand right here.") and gave her a shove toward a waiting Chet. She grabbed me and placed my hand on a rung and also shoved me up toward my brother. When she came on board we crossed our fingers one last time, that no one was around to hear the noise from the engine (and there was enough fuel to get the boat going) as we started on our way out.

We made it! We sailed in the dark for about 10 miles before she allowed us to turn on the lights below deck. We sat there looking at each other in disbelief, thinking that any moment a Word Army Police ship would overtake us and tell us to turn back around. It never happened. I went back above deck with her looked in the sky and told Chet which direction we were going.

I stayed with her above deck gazing at the night sky imagining how many more wonderful nights I would gaze at the stars with her. I kissed her and decided that I had plenty of time to imagine, I would look in the sky now and enjoy this night.

Both of us -- free of the ghost.

Chapter 14

They call it the "Brown Widow". I laughed when Frank told me. The Brown Widow made me a widow and I thought that highly unfair.

The bullets we dodged, the escapes, the near misses, practically left her unscathed. But one day she is out playing with our daughters a spider bites her. Mother Nature saw fit to let one of her little critters take the love from my body.

After we cremated her and spread her ashes under her favorite palm tree, I'd declared my life to be over too.

That year I silently lost my mind, venturing into the very jungle she'd been running around with our children, Marva and Bunny, and I proceeded to kill every creepy crawly creature I saw in my path. Whether the spiders or insects were poisonous or not, I destroyed spider webs and killed their makers, hoping one would sting me so I could be with my love. I crushed defenseless beetles and went smashing away at ants and anthills.

Nobody bothered me much during that time. I put on a brave face for our 5 year old daughters and early every morning at sun up I'd venture off into the vegetation, club in hand.

One month, before our daughters' sixth birthday, Nina stopped me from doing my usual routine -- venturing into the jungle on my insect-murdering spree. Nina handed me the bowl she promised me before we shed free our shackles of the Ghost and I remembered how we enjoyed many stews together -- as free people in love.

"I don't know what you do in the jungle, I don't care to know, but take this with you. And maybe, one day, you should take the girls with you too."

"Nina…"

"You're not the only one who misses her. If you keep them away from the jungle, when she never did, first they're going to be afraid to go in there. Then, they're going to start to believe that their Mommy is dead because of them. Because they wanted to play in the jungle with her and now she's not here. Is that how you feel about your girls, Khyra?"

"I'll bring them with me tomorrow. Thanks, Nina."

"Say 'hi' for me when you go."

I traveled through the foliage ignoring all manner of insect holding my bowl close to my chest. I followed the path until I stood before her favorite palm tree.

I inhaled a big breath of the sea air and remembered running my fingers through her soft graying hair. I remembered how I would call her old lady and she'd say, "Whatever, you love it!" and I did. I remembered how light we both felt and how Kunte Kente and Marva were only used for chopping foliage and cutting coconuts off trees. I remembered her face when Bunny called her "Mumma" for the first time and Marva begged her to read "soories". I squeezed the bowl tighter when I remembered her giving it to me just as she promised; I remembered the beautiful lovemaking on the beach under the stars.

In the distance, over the quiet whisper of the ocean, I could hear her say, "Home is where the heart is and my heart is right here." I felt her hand over my chest and I closed my eyes as tears ran down my cheeks. When I opened them I knew I would be OK. Our hearts were one and I could never be homeless.

I looked at the coconut tree and smiled.

"Nina says, hello, Baby. I'm going to spend more playtime with the girls so expect to see us down here more often than I've been. Chet and Julia are good but Chet misses you more than he'll ever admit -- so does Kyrin. He's a great man just like you said he would be. Oh you won't believe this! We found Steve! I don't know how he made it but he chooses to stay on the mainland. He's screening people and helping Chet and Slim get them here to our island. We have a couple of new families here but they know not to come to our private place. No one's heard any news on Slash but we keep asking…"

There were rustling leaves behind me and Slim appeared on the beach with a bottle of orange preserves.

"My bad, Khyra. I didn't know you were here. You need some space?"

"No, please, stay a while."

"You talking to her?"

"Yeah. I'm going to miss her for a long time, Slim."

"I can diggit," he cleared his throat. "I miss her too, Khyra."

"You want to know something, Slim?"

"What's that?"

"All those years together, I never knew her real name."

"Sheeeit! You gotta be kidding."

"It's the honest truth, Slim."

"Chiiillllll. Well what did you call her?"

I closed my eyes and saw her face so clearly. It was the face I saw when I was nine and she saved me from freezing to death in the lake. I opened them again and knew that she was with me even when I missed her the most. My family was going to be all right -- I was going to be all right. I turned to Slim and smiled.

"Mine."