Undeniable

By Robin Alexander

Undeniable

© 2011 by Robin alexandeR

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in printed

or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or

encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s

rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

ISBN 13: 978-1-935216-28-5

First Printing: 2011

This Trade Paperback Is Published By

Intaglio Publications

Walker, LA USA

www.intagliopub.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are

the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any

resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies,

events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

CRedits

exeCUtive editoR: tara Young

CoveR design by: tiger graphics

For the sweetest of Roses.

Acknowledgments

My editor, Tara Young, better known as Terror. She’s quick

to give praise when she thinks I deserve it and equally quick at

slapping me upside the head when I make mistakes. What would

I do without her? I pray I never know.

My love, Becky, who made me rewrite half of this book. I

love her romantic spirit.

And Kate, who listens to me read the stories I write during

our morning coffee chats. She always has a smile on her face that

lets me know she’s…sleeping.

Undeniable

Chapter 1

It was as Tim Kerner wanted—a simple gathering of friends.

No eulogy, no graveside service, but a time for his closest friends

to mingle and whisper their goodbyes over drinks. Samantha

Jackson smiled as she remembered his distaste for ceremony and

tradition. If he was looking down on them, he would be pleased.

She watched with trepidation as each person entered the

dimly lit bar. Her stomach twisted into knots each time someone

opened the door and light briefly filled the room. Samantha knew

she would come. After twenty-some years, she would see Jennifer

Tanner again, and just the thought of it made the bourbon she

sipped sour on her tongue.

“How are you doing?” Samantha felt an arm slip around her

waist as she looked into David’s red-rimmed eyes.

“I’m okay,” she said as she brushed his cheek with her lips.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the airport?”

David shook his head. “No. I don’t know how long I’m going

to be able to stay. I need you to fill in for me. You’ll do that, won’t

you?”

“Of course.” Samantha looked away, unable to watch his

misery. She’d done well to keep her emotions under control;

David was whittling away what little she had left.

David released a long labored sigh and jutted his chin toward

a woman who stood off to herself, discomfort showed plainly on

her face. “Tim wanted to have this memorial here instead of Miami

in hopes that his family might show. Only his little sister Sue had

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the decency.” David shook his head as his eyes welled with tears.

“He wanted me to give you this.” David slipped an envelope into

the pocket of her jacket. “He wanted you and Jennifer to read it

together.”

Samantha took a healthy swallow of her drink as David was

engulfed in the arms of another grieving friend. For a second,

she debated whether or not she could grant that last wish. Seeing

Jennifer was enough, but to read something that was going to be

painfully personal was almost more than she could stand.

A lifetime had passed since Samantha had seen or spoken to

Jennifer, but her first love left an indelible mark that even now she

found hard to ignore. It took Samantha a long time to reconcile

herself with the traumatic demise of their relationship. As an

adult, she felt that she could handle seeing and even having a

polite conversation with her old flame. She wasn’t sure if Jennifer

would be willing to do the same. Rejection, even the slightest

rebuff, might ignite the feeling of loss that she felt so acutely in

her youth.

Samantha turned to the bar and ordered another drink. Out

of the corner of her eye, she saw a shaft of light move across the

room and knew someone was coming in. Without turning, she

knew who it was. She felt the atmosphere change, felt those eyes

upon her back. She wouldn’t turn until forced to do so. Minutes

felt like hours. Samantha’s legs ached from her rigid stance.

Unwilling to move to a barstool, she stood sipping the drink that

did little to still her nerves. A hand came into her peripheral view;

as it motioned for the bartender, Samantha eyes were drawn to

the golden band that glinted in the dim light.

“A whiskey sour please, heavy on the whiskey, light on the

sour.”

Samantha stared hard at the melting cubes of ice in her glass

determined not to let that voice turn loose the memories that she

held in the deepest recesses of her mind.

“He’s really gone, isn’t he?” Jennifer’s voice quavered

slightly.

Samantha turned then and looked at the face she’d purged

from her memory long ago, a face she thought she’d never look

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upon again. Instead of noticing the lines that had formed around

dark eyes, Samantha felt herself drawn to the lips she’d kissed

with more passion than she had ever before or since. As if seeing

a ghost, she took a step back. “Yes, he is.” Samantha inwardly

cursed the ball of emotion that welled in her throat rendering her

nearly speechless.

Jennifer dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and sniffed. “He

didn’t tell me that he was sick until…the end. Why didn’t one of

you let me in on the secret?”

“He didn’t want you to see him that way,” Samantha said. The

words came out in a whisper. “He wanted us both to remember

the boy he was in his youth.”

“But you saw him, didn’t you?” Jennifer’s accusation was

tinged with anger and what Samantha felt was regret.

“Only once, right after he was diagnosed. I went unannounced,

but I think he eventually forgave me.”

Samantha felt a familiar touch on her shoulder gently

massaging away the tension there. She reached up and took

David’s hand. “Jennifer, this is Tim’s partner, David Wales.”

He gave her hand a squeeze before releasing it and kissed

Jennifer’s cheek. “It’s so good to finally meet you. I used to listen

for hours as Tim told me about the time he spent with you two.”

Jennifer was not as adept at keeping her emotion at bay and

sank into his arms. Samantha could hear her soft sobs and words

of condolences mumbled into David’s shoulder. He held her for a

while as they commiserated in sorrow. With his arm around her

shoulders, he turned to Samantha. She knew what he would ask

next as she pulled the envelope from her pocket and handed it to

him. “I don’t think I can…” Her words trailed off as David nodded

in understanding.

“Tim asked that you read this together,” he explained to

Jennifer as he opened the letter.

Samantha laid a hand on his arm, forestalling what she was

sure would devour the last of her resolve. She held up the empty

glass that was quickly refilled. David cleared his throat and began

to read as she drank.

Robin Alexander

To the only women I have ever loved,

I figure that David is reading this now because Sam has

passed it off. I always knew you better than you knew yourself.

Don’t roll your eyes.

What they say is true. Your life passes before your eyes

before you die. Since my demise was slow, I had a lot of time to

reminisce. My sweetest memories aside from my time with David

were of the three of us and all the trouble we got into. Do you

remember Hurricane Creek?

Samantha and Jennifer nodded with sad smiles.

We came out to each other there, and I had never felt freer.

You two shared your first kiss on that sandy beach. I was so

jealous. Not because I’d dated both of you. We all know that was

a cover. But I wanted so badly to have what you had then.

I know years have passed, and just like the waters of that

sandy creek, everything has washed away, so I won’t say any

more on that topic. But I do have a favor to ask of you both. Take

my ashes down there and turn them loose on the water. Let my

soul be as free as I was when I was a boy.

Your loving friend,

Tim

Samantha wondered if she’d heard correctly. As if David

knew her next question, he said, “Tim and I talked about this,

and I agree with his request.” He patted his chest. “I have him in

here. I don’t need an urn of ashes to remind me of him. Will you

do this?”

Samantha glanced over at Jennifer, who appeared to be as

stunned as she was.

“This meant a lot to him or he wouldn’t have asked,” David

said.“We’ll do it,” Jennifer said without looking at Samantha.

“Thank you.” David kissed them both on the cheek. “I have to

go now.” He took a shuddering breath and hugged Samantha tight.

“I had the urn sent to your hotel room,” he whispered in her ear. He

lingered there as he held her tight. Samantha felt him take several

deep breaths before he let her go. He took Jennifer in his arms for a

brief hug and a kiss on her cheek, then turned and walked away.

Undeniable

Samantha walked stiff-legged to a nearby table and sank

into a chair. The request shouldn’t have surprised her; Tim

had mentioned it before, but he left out the part about Jennifer

accompanying her on the task.

“Do you still live here in town?” Jennifer joined her looking

just as bewildered.

“No, I’m about an hour away near Manchac.” Samantha ran

a hand through her hair as she stared down at the table. “How

about you?”

“Clinton, about an hour in the other direction, depending on

traffic.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes before Samantha spoke.

“It’s too late in the day to drive down there now. Do you think

you’ll have time tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Jennifer said. “I can get a room for tonight. Where

are you staying?”

“Here. I have a room upstairs.” Samantha shook the ice in her

glass. “I knew I’d be drinking a lot.”

“I have a couple of calls to make, and I need to see about

a room. I’ll be back in a minute.” Jennifer excused herself and

walked away.

Samantha watched as Jennifer pulled a phone from her purse

and left the bar. She figured that she would be calling the owner of

the matching gold band she wore on her left ring finger. Tim had

prepared her for that. Jennifer’s last name was no longer Tanner.

It was now Crawford. She’d married a year after they’d said their

last bitter goodbye. Samantha closed her eyes and pinched the

bridge of her nose, purging the image from her mind.

As she’d promised David, Samantha stayed behind until the

last of the guests said their goodbyes. Most were mutual friends

of Tim and David’s. They understood David’s need to get back

home to Florida where he would begin the unfathomable task of

packing up his life with Tim. David had bought a condo near

where they’d shared a house together, unable to remain in the

place that held so many memories.

As Samantha double-checked to make sure she’d seen all the

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attendees off, she noticed that Jennifer had not returned. Tired

and emotionally drained, she was not going to wait. She’d leave

a note at the desk for her. She felt numb as she crossed the hotel

lobby. The afternoon sun filtered through the windows, and she

thought it sad. It should be raining on a day such as this. She looked

forward to locking herself away in her room with the curtains

drawn and drowning the memories of this day in a bottle.

“Sam…Samantha?” she heard Jennifer say behind her. She

turned almost aggravated that her retreat was being delayed.

“What time do you want to go tomorrow?”

“Not early, if you don’t mind,” Samantha said wearily.

Jennifer nodded, appearing to understand. “How about

noon?”

“Lovely.” Samantha failed to keep sarcasm from her tone.

Jennifer handed her a slip of paper. “That’s my room number

and my cell. Call me when you’re ready, and I’ll meet you here in

the lobby.”

Samantha felt she should say something nice like it was good

to see her again, but she’d made all the pleasant conversation she

could handle for one day. Instead she nodded. “I’ll call you.”

The first thing Samantha noticed when she walked into her

room was the urn sitting on a table in the corner. She strolled over

to the honor bar and fished out the bourbon. In no mood to bother

with mixing a drink, she opened the lid and drank directly from

the bottle. “To you, Tim,” she said as she tipped it in the direction

of the urn.

She stripped off her clothes, took a shower, and curled up in

bed. She wondered how David was holding up but resisted the

urge to call. He was probably still on the plane and more than

likely needed his time alone with his thoughts as much as she did.

Pulling the covers over her head, she let loose the tears that had

waited to fall.

Undeniable

Chapter 2

Thankful that she’d had the forethought to pack a bag,

Jennifer showered as she waited for room service to deliver the

burger she knew she’d only pick at. The alcohol she’d consumed

was already making her queasy. She knew better than to drink

on an empty stomach, but the minute she walked into the bar and

saw Samantha, she needed something to still her mind as it began

its descent down memory lane.

They were adults now, not two confused teenagers anymore,

but still it was difficult being in Samantha’s presence. Angry

words were spoken the last time they’d seen each other, and

she wasn’t sure that time had erased all the pain. She never

understood why Samantha did the things she did, and after a

while, she pretended it didn’t matter. After seeing Samantha,

though, questions swirled in her mind that she wasn’t sure she

was prepared to have answered.

She knew Avery wouldn’t care if she stayed over in Baton

Rouge, but she’d called anyway. A courtesy she felt she owed

him. She seriously doubted that he would’ve even noticed if she

hadn’t come home anyway. They’d long since moved into separate

rooms, and she often wondered if he was seeing someone else.

For whatever reasons, he did not ask her for a divorce. Neither

had she. The one thing they still mutually loved was the business

they’d built together. The sod farm and nursery had managed to

thrive despite the ailing economy. Builders were still building,

and they were still supplying the landscaping materials to make

the houses they constructed more marketable.

Wrapped in the hotel robe, Jennifer tipped the woman who

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delivered her dinner and sat at her table picking at the fries that

accompanied her burger. She looked out the tenth-story window

as the sun set on Baton Rouge and thought about Tim. They’d

maintained their friendship after she and Samantha parted ways,

but when she married and became consumed in building her

business, Tim slipped away. Now he was gone completely.

She remembered the boy who some thought was her brother.

They shared the same dark-colored hair and eyes. He was tall and

lanky like she was. She and Tim lived in the same neighborhood,

rode the same bus. It was Tim who had befriended Samantha

first. They had several classes together, and one day at lunch,

he introduced Jennifer to Samantha. The three of them had been

inseparable since that day in junior high.

The minute she’d laid eyes on the blond, blue-eyed girl

wearing a Journey concert T-shirt, Jennifer felt a pull. As she

looked back on it now, she supposed that it was Samantha’s wild

side that had first attracted her. She had no fear of anything or

anyone, and fitting in with the “in” crowd was not on her to-

do list. Samantha Jackson did whatever she pleased and couldn’t

care less who thought what about her. She smoked cigarettes in

the girls’ bathroom. She smoked dope behind the bleachers at

football games. And Samantha had been the first one to shed her

clothes and jump into Hurricane Creek naked without a care. If it

was forbidden, Samantha was the first to give it a whirl. If it hadn’t

been for Samantha and Tim, Jennifer would’ve gone on living the

sheltered life as the younger of the two Tanner daughters. And for

Jennifer, that was just too damn boring.

The buzzing of her phone pulled Jennifer from her memories.

“I’m fine,” Jennifer said as she answered.

“Good,” her sister, Jackie, said. “I called the house, and Avery

said you were staying in Baton Rouge for a couple of days.”

“Right. Tim’s last wishes were that Samantha and I spread his

ashes down at the creek.”

“Samantha?” Jackie said with alarm. “You’ve got to be

kidding me. The same girl that took a bat to your car?”

“The same,” Jennifer said, weary with the conversation already.

“That was a long time ago, and we’re all grown up now.”

Undeniable

“Was she at least apologetic?”

“We didn’t talk about the old days, Jac. It was too somber of

an occasion to bring all of that up.”

“Is it just going to be you and her? Want me to come with

you?”

Jennifer smiled at her overprotective big sister. “She didn’t

have a bat with her, and I can handle myself.”

“Just because you’re grown doesn’t make you bulletproof, or

batproof.”

“I’ll be fine,” Jennifer assured her.

“Well, call me after you do this thing for Tim. If you don’t,

I’ll be on my way to Baton Rouge with reinforcements.”

“I will,” Jennifer said with a sigh.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jackie asked again. “I know

you and Tim were very close at one time. I kind of figured you

would’ve married him.”

“I loved him but not the way you would a husband. Speaking

of, how are Rick and the kids?” Jennifer changed the subject. She’d

never told anyone about Tim’s sexuality and certainly not about

her relationship with Sam. They would’ve never understood.

“Rick is off with the guys, the kids are at Mom and Dad’s,

and I’m soaking in the tub. Everyone is fine.”

After her call with Jackie, Jennifer turned her attention to

the darkened sky and the lights of the city. She wondered about

Samantha. Did she ever marry? There was no ring on her finger.

Or…did she move on to other women?

Robin Alexander

Chapter 3

Samantha awoke at ten with a headache. She ordered room

service and managed to choke down a couple of pieces of toast.

She drank tea to settle her stomach before taking a couple of

Tylenol. A shower had helped.

She pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater, wishing she’d

thought to pack a pair of boots. As she remembered, it was a

hike down to the creek. Though it was March, the weather was

still cool, and the day was only going to get in the low fifties,

according to The Weather Channel. She looked out at the overcast

sky and shivered. Summer could not get there fast enough for her.

“Tim, if I get soaked, I’m going to be so pissed at you,” she

said to the urn. She could hear his voice in her mind say, You

could wait until it’s warmer, ya know. That was not an option she

wanted to consider. She couldn’t allow time to drag on knowing

that she had to do this with Jennifer. It gnawed at her insides now.

Just before noon, she called Jennifer and told her she was

headed for the lobby. Jennifer was already downstairs waiting,

apparently as eager as she was to honor Tim’s wishes. She was

probably ready to get back to her life, whatever that was, and put

all of this behind her. Store it away in the mental box that held

their past, one that Samantha doubted she ever opened.

Jennifer was sitting on a sofa staring out the window when

Samantha walked into the lobby. She slowed her step, daring to

study her profile. Deep in thought, Jennifer rested her chin in her

palm with one of her legs tucked under the other. Samantha gazed

at the fine lines around her mouth. She had aged, too, but not

bad, and somewhere beneath the adult exterior, Samantha could

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Undeniable

see the girl who she had at one time loved with all her heart. As

if she sensed someone watching her, Jennifer turned and looked

her way. Samantha felt the muscles in her stomach go rigid. “I’ll

drive if that’s okay with you,” she said with the urn tucked under

her arm.

“Fine by me.” Jennifer stood and fell into step behind

Samantha. “I hope you have a four-wheel drive vehicle because

as I remember it was a rough trail to the creek.”

“I do,” Samantha said over her shoulder as she pressed

the button on her key fob and unlocked the doors to the black

Dodge pickup. She opened the passenger side door for Jennifer

and waited for her to climb in before handing her the urn. “Tim

always did like to ride with you,” she said with a sad smile before

closing the door.

As she walked around to her side, Samantha remembered

Tim and Jennifer wedged together in the front seat of the old van

she used to drive. It only had two captains’ chairs, and Tim was

not content sitting in the back by himself. The thought made her

want to cry.

Jennifer was crying when Samantha climbed into the cab.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have mentioned—”

“It’s okay.” Jennifer wiped at her eyes with the back of her

hand. “You may as well get used to it because I’m going to cry a

lot. I was always the emotional one if you remember.”

Samantha did remember. She was the cause of a lot of those

tears. Bittersweet tears when Jennifer’s family took her away to

her aunt’s house for the summers. And then angry and hurt tears

when Samantha went through her “confused period.” She hadn’t

thought about that in years. She wouldn’t allow it.

“Why do you need a four-wheel-drive vehicle?” Jennifer

asked as Samantha maneuvered the big truck through the parking

lot. “I live in the swamp. I need it to get back and forth when it’s

rainy.”

Jennifer laughed softly. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You

always said you were going to live deep in the woods somewhere,

but why the swamp?”

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Samantha shrugged. “The land was cheap, and it’s close to

work.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a dock man, or dock woman rather, for a chemical plant.

We control the loading of barges and occasionally cargo ships on

the river.”

“Followed in the footsteps of your dad, didn’t you?” Jennifer

said.“Pays the bills. What do you do?”

“I…we own a sod farm and a nursery,” Jennifer said as she

looked out the passenger’s window.

Samantha nodded. The “we” wasn’t something she wanted

to discuss.

“My husband and I run it together. I didn’t think I’d be happy

doing that sort of thing when he suggested it, but I love it. I like

making things grow.”

“Did you know that Tim and David were florists? They owned

a couple of shops together,” Samantha said, effectively ending the

discussion about Jennifer’s life with her husband.

Jennifer looked down at the urn in her lap. “No, I didn’t. Tim

and I lost touch after I got married. So you two maintained a close

relationship?”

“We did, I guess. We’d talk a lot for a while, then we’d drift

apart, especially after he moved. Then one of us would call on a

birthday or holiday, and we’d pick up again.”

Samantha thought back on one of the times they’d drifted

apart. Tim had been the one to tell her that Jennifer had gotten

married. It was then that she asked him not to tell her any more

about Jennifer. She avoided his calls for a while after that,

knowing she would ask questions she didn’t want the answers

to. “I can’t deny that I’m more than a little hurt that neither of

you told me about his illness until it was too late.” Jennifer wiped

at her eyes again.

“I explained that yesterday. He just didn’t want you to see

him like that. The chemo and the cancer messed him up, and

everything happened so fast.”

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Jennifer ran her hands over the urn. “He could’ve called me

before that. You could’ve at least let me know. I would’ve respected

his wishes and not gone to see him, but I could’ve…been there in

some way for him.”

“I thought about it,” Samantha admitted. She had thought

about it many times but talked herself out of it. It was selfish, but

she didn’t want to open that line of communication. Didn’t want

to hear all about Jennifer’s life tucked behind a white picket fence

with a husband and maybe kids.

“Then why didn’t you?”

Samantha shrugged. “I guess I figured that you wouldn’t

want to hear it from me. We didn’t exactly part as friends.”

Jennifer’s tone turned harsh. “Yes, you’re right. As I recall,

the last time we talked, you were smashing the headlights out of

my car. What did I do to you to deserve that?”

And here it was, the moment Samantha had hoped to avoid.

How could she explain what was happening to her then? How

could she justify her behavior? “I’d prefer not to rehash that. Not

now anyway. This is about Tim.”

Jennifer turned in her seat and glared at Samantha. “Has it

occurred to you that Tim asked us to do this together so that we

could rehash it all?”

That had occurred to Samantha, and for a second, she despised

Tim for it. Guilt consumed her for feeling that way. “I was just

really messed up then,” Samantha said with resignation. “I was

pissed at the world, and I…you hurt me.”

“Hurt you?” Jennifer asked. The shock was evident in her

tone. “Hurt you? You dropped me when you dropped out of

school. And then you slept with that prick that was helping you

get your GED. What the fuck, Sam?”

“Could you lower your voice?” Samantha asked. She never

could handle someone screaming at her in a confined space, and

the Dodge as big as it was felt uncomfortably small.

“Pull over and look at me, Samantha. I want to see your eyes

when you explain to me why you did that.”

“Why the hell do you care now?” Samantha felt anger trickle

over her like boiling water. “You’re a married woman. You have

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the perfect traditional life you always wanted. Why do you want

to know anything about me and how I felt?”

“Please, pull over,” Jennifer said calmly.

Samantha reluctantly complied.

“You know, I didn’t want the answers to these questions until

this moment. After you tore my heart out, then got pissed at me

for it, I moved on. But right now, I need to—” Jennifer looked

down at the urn. “I need closure that I didn’t think I needed or

wanted.”

Samantha crossed her arms and stared out the window. Until

that moment, she hadn’t realized that she needed the same thing.

“Do you remember when my mom found out about us?”

“How could I forget?” Jennifer’s voice took on a faraway tone.

“You just disappeared from school one day. We were supposed to

go out that night to the football game. You never called, and when

I called your house, your sister told me you were grounded, and

we couldn’t talk anymore.”

“My parents sent me to counseling. I spent every Friday

afternoon with the preacher of our church who told me that I was

going through a phase because of my parents’ divorce.” Samantha

allowed the fear and confusion she felt back then to wash over her.

“Between his psychobabble and my mother’s constant reminders

that I was going straight to hell for feeling the way I did messed

with my mind. I couldn’t talk to you about it. I wasn’t allowed to

use the phone or leave the house.” Samantha sighed. “At school,

we were always surrounded by other people.”

“I didn’t see you much then, other than school,” Jennifer said.

“But when you came to me with that crazy scheme to run away, I

thought we were gonna be okay.”

Samantha smiled despite herself. “I still remember that night

when we came to get you. I was so afraid you wouldn’t be at

the meeting spot. I kept telling Tim that I wouldn’t go without

you, and he kept telling me that no matter what, he’d make sure

that we’d be together. All sorts of scenarios played through my

head—you changing your mind or you getting caught leaving the

house. I could’ve cried when I saw you peek out from behind that

tree.”

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Jennifer shook her head and looked out the window. “I was

so brokenhearted when Tim called home to let his parents know

we were okay, and they told him that my parents were pressing

charges against him.”

Samantha glanced over at Jennifer. “We should’ve seen

through the ruse, but he was petrified. That was the longest ride

home.”

“I remember you laying down the conditions of our return to

your mother.” Jennifer ran her hands over the urn as she spoke. “I

stood there listening and hoping that she wouldn’t agree to let us

see each other again.” Jennifer glanced up, catching Samantha’s

eye. “I knew you’d stay on the run with me then even if Tim went

back.”

Samantha shook her head. “He wouldn’t have gone. We would

have continued running until they caught up with us.”

Jennifer broke the stare and looked out her window. “How

did you convince your mom not to tell my parents about us?”

“I don’t remember.” It was a lie, but Samantha was not ready

to admit how desperate she was back then.

Jennifer scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. “Why

did things change when we got back?”

Samantha blew out a long breath. “When we got home, I went

back to counseling, part of our agreement. Mom went back to

telling me that I was going straight to hell, and for a teen, that was

scary. I don’t know if you remember, but I was so fucked up, so

angry. That’s part of the reason I got into that fight with my math

teacher. I left school that day and told my mom that I was never

going back. That’s when Donnie came into the picture. He was

my mom’s best friend’s son. She wanted him to tutor me in math

so I could pass the GED, but he spent most of the time pawing at

me.”“Are you about to tell me that the sex wasn’t consensual?”

Jennifer asked with a look of dread.

“I wish I could,” Samantha said sadly. “I did it to see if I

would like it. I knew you suspected something, and when you

confronted me on the phone and when I came clean, my mom

was listening on the line again. I should’ve known something

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was up. She had unplugged all the phones except for the one in

her bedroom, and that day, the one in the kitchen was back. We

nearly came to blows that night.”

Jennifer was silent for a minute. “Is that why you got so mad

at me? Because she found out when I confronted you?”

Samantha shook her head. “No, but at that time, I was trying

to push you away. I felt guilty for what I’d done, and I was trying

to accept that it was a phase, even though I hated having sex with

Donnie. We didn’t talk for a while after that, then you started

dating that guy Dale.” Samantha looked over at Jennifer. “By the

time I reconciled myself with who I was, you had moved on. You

told me as much, Jen. That was the night I lost it and tore up your

car.”Jennifer looked away and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“You could’ve told me what you were going through and why you

did the things you did. It probably would’ve broken my heart just

as much, but I would have at least understood why.”

Samantha nodded and looked out the window, feeling as

empty as she did back then. “It doesn’t matter anymore. That was

a long time ago, and we’ve got our own lives now.”

Jennifer didn’t answer as Samantha started the truck and

pulled back onto the road.

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Chapter 4

Silence prevailed as they drove to Hurricane Creek. Jennifer

needed time to process the raw emotions that their conversation

had laid bare. So much time had passed, but being with Samantha

again made it feel like it was only yesterday. They’d shared so

much at one time, but now, they were strangers who shared a past

that still obviously hurt them both.

The jarring of the truck as Samantha left the highway and

navigated the muddy road that was barely a trail now reminded

Jennifer of what they were there to do. Tim had shared their past

and mourned the loss of their relationship as much as she had. It

was his shoulder she had cried on all those nights when her calls

to Samantha had gone unanswered.

“I think we’re gonna have to walk the rest of the way,”

Samantha said as she killed the engine.

Jennifer clutched the urn tightly to her chest as she climbed

from the truck as though it were Tim himself she was holding

to. Even now, she gathered strength from him. Wordlessly, they

traveled down the narrow path to the water’s edge. Jennifer felt

tears dripping down her face as she resigned herself to the fact

that she was going to have to let Tim go.

Samantha stood on the sandy beach and stared out over the

water. “Do you want me to do it?”

“Yes.” Jennifer’s voice cracked as she held out the urn, then

quickly pulled it back to her chest. “No.”

Samantha turned and looked at her, then all stoicism lost as

tears streamed down her face. She reached out and laid her hand

on Jennifer’s shoulder. The first physical contact they’d had since

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meeting again. The warmth of her touch soothed at first, but as

Samantha pulled her hand away, Jennifer almost reached for it

again before she caught herself. Being at the creek with Samantha

and talking about Tim made her feel as though she were in some

sort of time warp where real life didn’t exist. Her face colored as

she realized how close she came to wrapping her arms around

Samantha, seeking comfort and familiarity in a time she needed

it most. It surprised her when she realized that she had wanted

that for such a long time.

Samantha didn’t seem to notice the effect she had when she

said, “we’ll do it together.” She opened the lid, and as they held

the urn together, it tipped, and the ashes blew out over the water.

“We’ll always love you, Tim,” Samantha said as the current

carried him away.

Jennifer released the urn as Samantha did, and it dropped into

the sand. She moved into Samantha’s arms and held her as tightly

as she could as she released all the emotion she had left. They

stood together for a long time crying into each other’s shoulders,

their promise made complete.

Drained, they sat huddled together on the beach. “This place

looked so much bigger when we were kids,” Jennifer said.

“It was bigger. It’s just overgrown now. It doesn’t look like

anyone ever comes out here anymore.” Samantha sifted sand

between her fingers. “I think we should fill the urn with this. I

think Tim would’ve liked that.”

“No, he wouldn’t.” Jennifer shook her head. “He complained

every time we left here about having sand in the crack of his ass.”

Samantha smiled, her grin just as wicked as Jennifer

remembered it. “Then we should definitely fill it with sand. He’ll

still have something to complain about.”

Jennifer smiled. “He would’ve gotten a kick out of that

reasoning.”

Samantha tossed a stick in the water and watched it float

away. “He told me that he’d lived a full and happy life.”

Jennifer leaned her head on Samantha’s shoulder. “Are you

just saying that to make me feel better?”

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“No, it’s the truth. He said he hated leaving David behind, but

he had a better life than he ever imagined he would.”

Jennifer thought about that. Could she say the same? She

had regrets. She’d let her marriage dissolve into a tenuous

partnership with Avery. If she were to be honest, it was she who

hammered each nail into the coffin of their relationship. It was

she who pulled away. The ugly truth of it was that she was not

happy, had not been for a long time. She did exactly what was

expected of her. She married and settled into a life with a man.

At times, she would think back on her relationship with Sam

and remember how they’d bonded in a way that she’d never been

able to with Avery. But those thoughts were shelved away, and

she went on as she was supposed to, existing but certainly not

living.

How ironic that now at this stage in her life, she was right

back where it all started with Sam at the creek. Maybe Tim knew

exactly what he was doing when he made them promise to spread

his ashes here. Perhaps somehow he knew that she needed this

experience to realize she wasn’t where she belonged.

“We need to get back.” Samantha scooped a handful

of sand into the urn. “Your turn,” she said, gesturing to it.

Jennifer scooped the cold sand into her hand and added her

contribution.

She watched as Samantha replaced the lid. She wasn’t the

teen she remembered. Her features were softer now, no longer

defined by rebellion and anger. Nor was she all skin and bones

like she was back then. She’d gained weight in all the right places

and had a nice figure. The wild unruly mane was now wavy and

rested at her shoulders. Samantha Jackson all grown up looked

better now than she ever had.

Jennifer watched as Samantha stood and offered a hand to

pull her up. She wondered if Sam had taken the time to notice that

she’d grown, too. Did she think she had aged well? Did she still

find her attractive?

“It’s going to be almost dark by the time we get back to the

truck.” Samantha tugged her hand, urging her along. Jennifer

held tightly to it as she remembered Samantha doing the same

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a lifetime ago. The simple gesture then had meant so much, the

connection, the warmth of Samantha’s hand had made her feel

loved then. It still felt the same to her now.

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Chapter 5

Samantha yawned and blinked her eyes rapidly as she stared

at the road. She was exhausted from the few emotional hours that

she’d spent with Jennifer. Now they rode along in contemplative

silence. Her thoughts vacillated between Tim and the conversation

she and Jennifer had earlier, and in some odd way, she felt a peace

she hadn’t known in a long time.

Maybe Tim had, as Jennifer suggested, asked them to fulfill

this last request together, so they could finally lay the hurts of

the past to rest. Say things they couldn’t back then. Samantha felt

unburdened now that she’d revealed the events that shaped her

life long ago. Maybe now that Jennifer had the answers to her

questions, she was feeling the same peace.

Samantha glanced over at Jennifer who still held the urn

in her lap as she stared straight ahead lost deep in thought. She

wondered what was going through her mind but was hesitant to

ask. Samantha still had questions, the main one was how had it

been so easy for Jennifer to slip into a heterosexual relationship

after what they’d shared as teens. She seemed willing to discuss

all the pain. Could she or did she ever think back on the sweeter

times between them with fondness?

The friends she did have were shocked when she told them

that her relationship began with Jennifer at age fourteen. A

relationship that went well beyond kissing and holding hands like

most teens did back then. They were lovers when most of their

friends were only beginning to find sex interesting. Neither of

them had any experience when they first got together, but their

coupling had come easy, second nature. They’d never thought

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to be embarrassed or second guess the things they’d done. It

seemed the most natural thing in the world. At least that was what

Samantha felt, and back then, she was certain that Jennifer felt

the same.

“Are you hungry?” Jennifer asked when the Hilton hotel

came into view.

“Now that you mention it, I’m famished.” Samantha’s

stomach growled. She looked around at the restaurants they

were passing but wasn’t keen on the idea of sitting in a crowded

room.

“I’d really like to shower and order room service. Would you

like to join me?” Jennifer asked as though reading her mind.

“That sounds perfect.” Samantha pulled into the hotel parking

lot. “I could come to your room in about thirty minutes. Will that

give you enough time?”

“Yeah, we’ll order when you get there.” Jennifer held up the

urn. “Do you want to take this to your room?”

“Actually, I was going to suggest that you keep it,” Samantha

said. Jennifer appeared to have some connection with it, and she

felt it only right that she should have it.

“Are you sure?”

Samantha nodded as she unbuckled her seat belt. “I want you

to have it if you want it.”

“Thank you,” Jennifer said as she climbed out.

Samantha was on her way to Jennifer’s room when she

slowed her stride, suddenly feeling awkward about being alone

with her. She wondered if perhaps Jennifer was feeling the same.

They’d made peace, but how did they go on from here? After

dinner, would they part and go back to their own lives, or would

they attempt to maintain a friendship? She knocked softly on the

door with mixed emotions. After all this time, did they even have

anything in common anymore besides Tim?

“Hey, come in,” Jennifer said with a smile as she opened the

door. Her long dark hair was still damp, but as straight as it had

been with an occasional strand of gray. She nervously tucked it

behind her ear as Samantha stepped into the room.

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“I’ve been looking over the menu, and the only thing that

looks appealing is the seafood gumbo,” Jennifer said as she

handed it to Samantha.

“That and a salad will be fine with me.” Samantha pulled a

couple of small bottles from her jacket pocket. “I raided my honor

bar. I didn’t know what you’d want if anything, so I grabbed

vodka and bourbon.”

“The vodka sounds good,” Jennifer said before picking up the

phone and placing the order.

Samantha avoided the bed and took a seat at the table in the

corner of the room. She listened as Jennifer asked for cranberry

juice and UP. She raised a brow at Samantha, who nodded her

agreement.

Jennifer joined her at the table once she ended the call. “We

never drank together,” she said with a smile. “We did smoke a lot

of weed, though.”

“I gave it up after I dropped out of school. How about you?

Growing any special herbs at the nursery?”

Jennifer laughed. “No, I gave it up then, too. Trisha Bayford

convinced me to let it go.”

“The pot queen talked you out of smoking?” Samantha asked

incredulously.

Jennifer shook her head. “She didn’t talk me out of it. I

happened to visit that taco stand we used to frequent after school.

She was working there, and she looked so fried when I placed

my order. I had to repeat it like six times, it was only two tacos

and a Coke. After seeing her all jelly-brained, I swore off dope

for good.”

“I haven’t seen anyone from school aside from Tim since the

day I left, but I’m sure that would’ve made the same impression

on me.”

Jennifer pulled her foot up in the chair and rested her chin on

her knee just as she used to. “Where did you go after we stopped

talking?”

Samantha shrugged. “I got a job in Hammond at a convenience

store, stayed there a year or two until my dad got me on at the

plant. I’ve been there ever since.”

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“I wondered why we never ran into each other.” Jennifer

picked at a piece of lint on her pants leg. “I stayed in Central a

couple of years until I married, then moved up to Clinton.”

“Central was a small suburb,” Samantha said. “I don’t

remember anybody named Avery there. How’d you meet?” She

really didn’t want to know but felt that it was the polite thing to

ask.Jennifer averted her eyes. “My mom worked with his mother

at the bank. She introduced us.”

“Any kids?”

Jennifer shook her head. “No, that just wasn’t in the cards for

me.”Samantha noted the subdued tone in Jennifer’s response and

decided to let the subject drop.

“What about you?” Jennifer met Samantha’s gaze again. “Did

you marry and start a family?”

“No, I never married, but I did date a few women with kids.

It never panned out, though.” Samantha watched Jennifer’s face

closely, trying to gauge her reaction.

“So…it never was really a phase for you, was it?” Jennifer

asked without batting an eye. “That’s what you meant when you

said you ‘reconciled’ yourself earlier today.”

“No, it wasn’t. Not that my mom didn’t try to convince me of

that every chance she got.”

“What’s your relationship with her like now?” Jennifer

resumed picking at her pants.

“Nonexistent. She pretends that I’m straight and just hasn’t

met the right one. She refuses to tell anyone that I’m gay, not even

her new husband.” Samantha stretched her legs out, releasing

some of the tension that coiled inside of her. She loved her mother

but knew that they would never come to terms about who she was.

“Dad is a little better. He’s never given me any flak for bringing

my girlfriends around when I visit.”

Samantha was on her way to working up the courage to ask

Jennifer how she reconciled herself with their past and her present

relationship when they heard a knock on the door. She charged

the meal to her room despite Jennifer’s protests. When they were

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alone again, she lost the nerve to ask Jennifer anything else about

her marriage.

Jennifer stirred the steamy mixture in her bowl as Samantha

picked at her salad. “Tim would’ve been repulsed by our dinner

choice. He hated seafood.”

That brought a smile to Samantha’s face. “He hated anything

that wasn’t meat and potatoes. David used to gripe endlessly

about their limited menu. It was always roast or steak and gravy

at their house.”

“He must’ve really loved Tim.” Jennifer pushed the steaming

bowl away and began on her salad.

“He really did. Tim used to say that he’d finally found a love

like we h—” Samantha stopped when Jennifer met her gaze.

“They were very happy,” she finished awkwardly.

Jennifer set her fork down and opened the bottle of vodka,

pouring all the clear liquid into her juice. Samantha inwardly

cursed the last part that had slipped off her tongue. The tension

that rose between them was palpable.

Jennifer took a sip of her drink and blew out a breath. “There

were times that I felt that you truly loved me. It didn’t seem like

just a teenage thing.”

Samantha looked down at the food she suddenly lost interest

in. “I’m sure what happened made you believe that I didn’t.”

“I told myself that you didn’t, especially after you shoved me

away.” Jennifer took a healthier swallow of her drink.

“Did you…” Samantha struggled with her next question,

unsure if she wanted to hear the answer. “Did you really love

me?”“Did all the dope we smoked skew your memory?” Jennifer

asked, sounding hurt. “I couldn’t go a day without hearing your

voice.” She patted her chest. “I was the one who didn’t want to

come back when we ran away. I wanted to spend the rest of my

life with you even if it meant living in a gutter somewhere.”

Samantha felt her lip tremble and clamped her jaw shut so

tight that the muscles in her face twitched.

“You wrecked me, Sam. I’d never felt pain like that.”

“Why didn’t you come after me?”

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“How could I? You just disappeared and left me with a ton of

unanswered questions. If it hadn’t been for Tim, I would’ve lost

my mind. Even he couldn’t make sense of it.” Jennifer grabbed

her napkin and rubbed it across her eyes with a curse.

“But you married after that. Married a man. Wasn’t it truly a

phase for you?” Samantha asked, her words coming out in a rush.

“I loved—love Avery, but it’s not the same. With him, I know

I wouldn’t feel the agony you put me through. I think maybe I just

loved you too much.” Jennifer looked into her with an intensity

that made Samantha’s heart pound.

Samantha pushed back and tossed her napkin onto the table,

unable to look away. She’d asked the question but wasn’t prepared

for the answer. She was better off believing all those years that

Jennifer didn’t feel the way she did. Jennifer’s admission ripped

away the veil of the lies that she’d told herself, and she was forced

to admit that despite the way they parted Samantha’s heart always

had a tender spot for Jennifer.

She wanted so much to taste those lips again, to see if

Jennifer’s kiss was still as sweet. Samantha forced herself to look

at reality. Her blood ran cold as she dropped her gaze to the plain

gold band on Jennifer’s finger.

“Say something,” Jennifer said softly, almost pleadingly.

Samantha held her hands up and dropped them into her lap.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such a jacked-up mess and couldn’t

handle it all. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I ruined everything.”

She scrubbed at her face, fighting back tears of frustration. “I

know you won’t believe me when I tell you that I regretted what I

did to you for years and how much I missed you. It took me a long

time, Jen, to get over you.”

Samantha managed to get to her feet. “I loved you more than

anyone, and I’ve looked for you in every woman I’ve dated.”

“Please don’t walk out of this room,” Jennifer pleaded as she

rose to her feet.

Samantha backed toward the door. “This is just too much for

me right now. Tim’s dead, and we’re rehashing old times. I feel

like that seventeen-year-old kid. I was confused and pissed off. I

feel the same way now.”

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“You’re not the same person anymore,” Jennifer argued.

“You know who you, are there are no struggles now. Why are you

angry?” Jennifer reached for Samantha, who took a staggering

step backward.

“What about you?” Samantha pointed to the ring on Jennifer’s

left hand. “You’re married, you got your life all in order. You’re

normal.”

“Please don’t throw that back in my face. Saying that to you

was one of my greatest regrets.”

Samantha felt the cool metal of the door handle against her

palm. “I’ve spent years telling myself that you never truly had

feelings for me. And now…” Samantha’s gaze once again fell

upon the gold ring on Jennifer’s finger as she tucked a strand of

hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes. “And now, everything

I’ve clung to is gone.” She opened her eyes again, and her gaze

zeroed in on the ring—a tiny reminder that the conversation had

gone as far as it could go. “I’m sorry, I have to go. Forgive me,

please.”

Samantha shoved all her things into her suitcase and was

checked out of the hotel before she could stop herself. She merged

onto the interstate, choking back the sobs she’d held in until she

was alone. The truck lurched as she shifted gears, pushing each

to its limit, putting as much space between her and Jennifer as

she could.

She should’ve never agreed to dinner. She should’ve put an

end to the conversation before it started, then said her goodbyes

without ever opening that can of worms.

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Chapter 6

Jennifer drove in a daze. Sleep evaded her, leaving her to lie

awake to go back over every word, to retrace every moment of

the relationship that haunted her. She was on her way home, back

to the life she now led just as confused and hurt as the day she

agreed to marry Avery. He’d been an escape and the answer to

her parents’ prayers. And for a while, a distraction, but that had

not lasted long.

Since learning of Tim’s death, a small voice had been steadily

speaking in the back of her mind. If she were to be truly honest,

it’d been speaking for years now, but she had been too afraid to

listen. She knew seeing Samantha again would be the catalyst,

an in-the-flesh reminder that she had been living a lie for too

long. She finally agreed with the voice. It was time for change,

for honesty.

Jackie was waiting on her front porch when Jennifer pulled

into the driveway. “You didn’t call,” she said as she walked over

to the car. “Be glad that Tucker had a ballgame or I would’ve been

at that hotel.”

“You know I would’ve called you if anything was wrong.”

Jennifer tugged her bag and the urn from the backseat. She

avoided Jackie’s questioning look and walked toward the house.

Jackie fell in step beside her. “You look bad. I guess Tim’s

passing really took a toll on you.”

“More than I can talk about right now.” Jennifer pushed open

the door. She tossed her bag onto the sofa and put the urn on the

mantel. “I’m not up to telling you all about it right now.”

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Jackie stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans

and watched Jennifer’s every move. “That’s okay. I understand. I

made a big pot of stew and put some in your fridge. Want me to

warm it for you?”

Jennifer shook her head and sank down into her favorite chair.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry. Where’s Avery?”

“He’s out at the pond fishing with Dad.” Jackie took a seat

opposite her sister and clasped her hands together between her

knees. “You’re kind of scaring me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen

you look this way.”

Jennifer forced a smile onto her face and looked at her sister.

“I’m fine, really. It was just an emotional trip, and I haven’t quite

recovered. After a night’s sleep in my own bed, I’ll be back to

normal.” Jennifer yawned for emphasis. “I may just sprawl out on

the couch and take a nap.”

“Good idea,” Jackie said as she stood. “I’m gonna get out of

your hair. Tucker needs a new pair of shin guards.”

Jennifer smiled at the mention of her nephew. “I missed him

and Kelsey. I’ll come by tomorrow and visit.”

“Do that and I’ll make lunch.” Jackie leaned down and kissed

Jennifer’s forehead and grabbed a handful of candy from the dish

by the door as she walked out. “I’ll give one to the kids, the rest

are for me,” she called out after the screen door slammed behind

her. Jennifer remained still until she heard the crunch of gravel

beneath Jackie’s tires as she drove away. She got up and tossed

her bag into her room, made herself a cup of coffee, and slipped

out into the backyard. The porch swing creaked slightly as she sat

and looked out over the yard. The garden needed to be tended,

a few trees needed pruning, and unlike all the years past, she

would not be the one to take care of them now. She’d finally made

a decision.

Her gaze moved over the five-acre neatly mowed expanse at

her parents’ house. Jennifer felt her stomach tighten at the thought

of telling them the conclusions she’d come to. That made her much

more nervous than telling Avery. She knew it wouldn’t come as a

surprise, but it was still going to hurt her to put it out there. She

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closed her eyes and pushed away those thoughts. Dwelling on

them would only make it harder.

She thought of Samantha then and envied her for living her

own life. Jennifer was certain that it hadn’t been easy, especially

after she learned that Samantha had been somewhat alienated

from her family. She felt cowardly for not having the fortitude to

do the same, but the prospect of breaking everyone else’s heart for

her own happiness had always held her in place. She wondered if

her desire to be free had anything to do with her fortieth birthday

looming on the horizon. In a way, she felt that she’d lived half of

her life for everyone else, the other half should be hers.

Samantha’s face as she fled the hotel room was etched on

her brain. She never expected the conversation to take the route

it did. Looking back on it, she might not’ve been so honest if

she’d known what Samantha’s reaction was going to be. They’d

gone from being estranged to companionable to estranged again.

Would Samantha even be willing to speak to her again?

The sound of gravel crunching beneath Avery’s tires pulled

her from her thoughts. She heard him kill the engine. The sound

of the screen door slamming told her that he was inside. She didn’t

look up; instead she stared out at the yard knowing that Avery

was looking out at her through the kitchen window. It was no

surprise that he didn’t join her. He never did. He’d take a shower

and they’d meet as they passed through the kitchen or in the hall

as they went into their own bedrooms.

Jennifer tossed the last of her coffee that had grown cold

into the yard and walked inside. She dipped some of Jackie’s

stew into a bowl, warmed it in the microwave, and set it on the

table for Avery. He met her in the hallway as he came out of the

bathroom.

“I warmed some stew for you, it’s on the table,” Jennifer said

as she moved passed him.

Avery stood shirtless, wearing only a pair of sweatpants.

“How was your trip?” he asked in a way that said he really didn’t

expect details.

“It wasn’t really a trip,” Jennifer said a little curtly. “It was a

memorial service for a close friend.”

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Avery ran a hand through his thinning blond hair. “I have to

go in early tomorrow. We have a load of topsoil being delivered

first thing in the morning.”

Jennifer nodded as she opened the door to her room. “I’ll be

in at ten.” She stepped into her room and closed the door.

“Sorry about your friend,” she heard Avery say before quietly

before making his way to the kitchen.

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Chapter 7

Samantha returned to work but spent her time off alone. In

no mood to face another human being, she holed herself up at

her house, spending most of her time on the porch staring at the

surrounding marsh. She watched the cranes move around in the

tall grass hunting for dinner and listened to the sounds of other

birds and insects. Normally, it was soothing, but now, only noise

interrupting her racing thoughts.

Though Tim was not an everyday part of her life, she missed

him. He was no longer a phone call away. The memorial service

had taken a lot out of her. Spreading his ashes had made his death

more real than when she got the call from David.

And then there was Jennifer. On one hand, she felt a peace

about purging her soul. On the other, she felt traumatized by the

encounter. They’d ripped the lid off of feelings that had been

contained for so long. A part of her wished that she could take it

all back, that they never talked at all.

She thought back to the autumn night when they stopped

talking altogether. She’d been playing softball and Jennifer was

there, as well, watching a friend play on another field. Samantha

had let two balls slip by her, resulting in her team’s loss as she

watched Jennifer and Dale watch the other game from the hood

of Jennifer’s car.

She waited for Dale to wander off before approaching

Jennifer. It had been a while since they’d seen each other, and

when she walked up, she thought she noticed a familiar look of

warmth in Jennifer’s eyes.

“Hey, how are you?” Samantha tried to appear nonchalant.

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“What are you doing here?” Jennifer looked at the bat and

glove tucked under Samantha’s arm.

“Sandy talked me into playing. Who are you here to see?”

Samantha leaned a hip against Jennifer’s Camaro.

Jennifer looked at Samantha as if it were none of her business.

“A friend.”

“I haven’t seen you in a while. I thought I should at least

come and say hi.”

“We’ll you’ve done it,” Jennifer said, looking away.

“I don’t want to fight, Jen. I just wanted to talk to you.”

Jennifer didn’t look her way again. “And now you’ve done it,

so feel free to walk away.”

“You hate me, don’t you?” Samantha said.

“I don’t feel anything for you, Sam. Can’t even care enough

to hate you.”

“I know I screwed up. But is there any chance…”

Jennifer whirled around and looked at her then. “Any chance

of what? Me getting back with you? Go fuck yourself.”

“That’d be a hell of a lot better than fucking Dale, but you’d

know better.”

“Go away, Sam. I have someone better to spend my time

with.”

“You love him more than you did me?”

Jennifer blinked for a second, unable to answer the question.

For a fleeting moment, Samantha caught a glimpse of something

in Jennifer’s eyes that belied what she said next. “I’m normal

now. I’ve got a boyfriend, and I know what I’ve been missing You

were just something to do.”

Before Samantha knew what she was doing, she’d smashed

both headlights with the bat and caved in the grill. Jennifer’s

words had enraged her and broke her heart in two. She vaguely

remembered Jennifer screaming at her as she stormed off. Even

in her rage, Samantha couldn’t believe what she’d done, but she

knew that the damage was irrevocable. She would never see

Jennifer again.

For reasons unknown, the Tanners did not have her arrested,

but Samantha did pay handsomely for the damages. She didn’t

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deliver the check in person, Tim did that for her. She remembered

him coming by the house a week later.

“Sam, what happened?” he asked without condemnation.

Samantha shrugged. “I just lost it.”

“Was it because of Dale? Because he’s just—”

“I know what he is, she told me.” Samantha ducked her

head, hiding her quivering lip. “She said he’s what she’s been

missing.”

Tim ran his hands through his hair. “You’re both killing me.

You’re screwing Donnie and she’s—”

“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it, Tim. I can’t stand to hear

it.” Samantha put her hands to her ears. “I know what I did was

wrong, and she has every right to do whoever she wants, but I

can’t stand to think about it. And for the record, I was only with

Donnie once.”

Tim tugged at Samantha’s arm. “You need to talk to her.

Work this out.”

Samantha thrust the check into his hands. “We did talk, and

that’s why I’m giving you my savings. She’s moved on, she said

that.” Tears streamed down Samantha’s cheeks.

“No.” Tim shook his head.

“Don’t tell me any more,” Samantha said with a gasp. “Please

go.” Tears rained down Samantha’s face as she remembered the

way Tim looked when she closed the door in his face. She regretted

many things, but that memory was one of the most hurtful. They

didn’t speak for a long time after that day, though Tim had tried.

Samantha didn’t take his calls.

She never told him about the job she got at the convenience

store. She worked every hour the store had to offer until she could

afford to share an apartment with a co-worker. Nearly a year had

passed before she worked up the nerve to track him down. By then,

his parents had booted him out, unwilling to accept that their only

son was gay. Sue, his youngest sister, gave her his number after

Samantha had shown up on the doorstep of his parents’ house.

She drove to the first pay phone she could find and called him.

Undeniable

“Sam? Where have you been?” Tim asked excitedly. “Your

mom told me she didn’t know where you were.”

“I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry I haven’t cal ed sooner. Are

you doing okay?”

“I guess you heard that I got kicked out of the house,” Tim

said somberly.

“Do you need a place to stay?” Samantha asked. “My

roommate works nights. I doubt she would mind if you stayed

with me.”

“No, I’m okay. I’m staying with this guy I’ve kind of been

seeing. When can I see you?”

“Where’s the place you’re staying?” Samantha plugged more

change into the pay phone.

“I’m near LSU.”

Samantha stretched out as far as she could and grabbed a

pen from the door pocket of her van. “Give me the address. I can

pick you up now if you have the time. We’ll go get a burger or

something.”

Samantha couldn’t hide her shock when Tim came bounding

down the stairs of the apartment. “Don’t you eat?” she asked

when she hugged his wire-thin body tightly.

Tim looked embarrassed. “Randy’s parents pay the rent

while he’s in school, but we have to take care of everything else.

Money gets a little tight sometimes.”

“Where’s a good place to eat?” Samantha patted Tim’s

sunken stomach. “I’m feeding your scrawny ass.”

Tim walked her over to a hole in the wall just outside of the

campus where the burgers and beer were cheap. They settled into

a booth and Tim looked over Samantha. “You’re one to talk about

me being skinny. When you turn sideways, you disappear.”

“I’ve always been skinny,” she said with a faint smile. “Is

money the only reason you’re so thin?”

Tim tilted his head as his smile slipped from his face. “It’s

been hard, you know? Dad gave me fifty bucks when they kicked

me to the curb. They won’t talk to me at al .”

“That’s shitty.” Samantha found it hard to disguise her

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disgust. “My mom doesn’t talk to me much, but at least she let

me stay at home long enough until I could afford to live on my

own.”

“If you don’t mind, I don’t wanna talk about it,” Tim said as

his voice grew raspy. He jumped up when their number was cal ed

and retrieved the food. “Man, it’s so good to see you again,” Tim

said when he returned to the table. “Where the hell have you

been?”

“Hammond.” Samantha stuffed a fry into her mouth. “Got a

job at a store, been working my ass off to pay the rent. Finally got

my GED.” She watched as Tim gobbled his burger. “I’m really

sorry about not getting in touch sooner.”

“I was pissed for a while,” Tim said around a mouthful. “But

I never could stay mad at you. I knew you’d find me one day.

Hammond, shit, no wonder I couldn’t find you.”

Samantha moved her half-eaten burger toward Tim. “I just

couldn’t hang around. I didn’t want to run into…anybody.”

Tim looked at Samantha’s food questioningly with his hand

poised over her plate.

“Go ahead, I’m not that hungry,” she said with a shrug.

“I’ve hardly seen Jennifer at all since we graduated.” He

ate the remainder of Samantha’s burger in two large bites. “The

last time we talked, she said her parents were up her ass about

col ege or to—” Tim shook his head. “She doesn’t know what she

wants to do.”

“Is she still with Dale?”

“I dunno.” Tim poured a huge glob of ketchup on his plate

and started in on the fries. “The few times we talked, she sounded

funny, like someone was there listening to us. I tried to call her

a few times a month ago, and her mother answered every time.

I kinda felt like she was lying when she said Jennifer wasn’t

home.”

“She probably was,” Samantha said with a frown. “She never

liked us much.”

“You miss her?”

Samantha looked down at the ice melting in her soda. “Not

real y.”

Undeniable

“I do,” Tim said curtly. “And you’re full of shit.”

Samantha grinned back at him. “Still waiting for the hair to

grow in on your chin?”

“Up yours,” Tim shot back. “You seeing anybody?” He

rubbed at his chin self-consciously.

Samantha shook her head. “No…it’s kind of hard for me to

meet people.”

“You work at a store. You see people every day.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if any of the girls that come in there

are like me.”

Tim raised his brow. “You still like girls? I kinda thought you

were dating guys now.”

Samantha looked around, hoping no one could hear what

they were saying. “I tried, but I just can’t make myself like them.

I feel like…like I’m the only one. Everybody else is straight but

me.”Tim leaned in closer. “I’m like you, except I like guys.”

“How’d you meet Randy?”

Tim grinned. “There’s a bar not far from here, and they don’t

card. You need to come with me. There’s lots of girls there, and

everybody is just like us.”

Samantha felt a thrill pass through her. “Are you serious?”

“Oh, yeah,” Tim said with a grin. “Lots of girls and lots of

hot guys.”

“Are you in love with Randy?”

Tim leaned back and wiped his ketchup-stained fingers on

his napkin. “Nah, we do it a lot, but it’s not like we’re really a

couple. I like him, but it’s not that serious.”

“I meant it when I said you could stay with me. We’ve slept in

the same bed before, it’s not like—”

Tim held up his hand. “I like it here, but if my luck runs out,

I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, tell me more about this bar,” Samantha said with a

smile.

Samantha swatted at a mosquito that found its way into her

screened-in porch. Lost deep in her memories, she didn’t notice

the sun had already set. A lump formed in her throat as she

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remembered the way Tim looked at her when she pressed sixty

dollars into his hand that day when she dropped him off at his

apartment. She’d missed a few meals as a result, but Tim needed

it more. He never failed to remind her of that act of kindness as

the years passed.

Undeniable

Chapter 8

“Plant these in a sunny area this fall, and don’t forget to water

them when it gets hot next spring.” Jennifer lifted the last of five

plum trees into the back of Mrs. Carpenter’s truck.

The elderly woman regarded her with a knowing smile.

“These aren’t the first fruit trees I’ve planted, hon. I know what

I’m doing.”

“I’m sure you do.” Jennifer wiped her hands on her jeans. She

hated waiting on the know-it-all, but everyone seemed to vanish

when she came into the nursery on a regular basis. Jennifer had

spent an hour with her after they’d closed as Mrs. Carpenter

picked out her plum trees complaining the whole time that they

were cheaper in Baton Rouge. Jennifer was tempted a few times

to ask why she didn’t bother going there in the first place, but

Mrs. Carpenter was a paying customer, and that kept her silent.

Jennifer stretched her sore back before locking the main gate.

She wasn’t looking forward to having dinner with her folks, but it

beat having to go home and cook. She’d stay long enough to help

clean up, then she’d spend the rest of the evening soaking in her

tub with a book.

When she pulled up in front of the house, her father was on

the front porch with Avery and Rick. They were all smiles as they

sat enjoying a few beers. After the day she’d had, she wanted to

sit in one of the rocking chairs and knock back a few, too, but she

knew that she was expected to help in the kitchen.

“Got Mrs. Carpenter taken care of?” Avery stood and kissed

her on the cheek. He never did that at home, not that she wanted

him to, but she resented the show put on for her parents.

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“Yeah, I took care of her grumpy butt.” Jennifer leaned down

and kissed her father on the cheek. “Mom and Jackie inside?”

“Yep, we’re just waiting on you,” Hugh, her father, said.

Jennifer took off her boots before walking into the house in

her socked feet. Kelsey turned from the TV and squealed when

she noticed her. Kelsey jumped onto the couch, using it as a

springboard to launch herself into her aunt’s arms.

“If your granny catches you doing that, she’s gonna tear us

both up,” Jennifer whispered as she kissed Kelsey on the cheek.

“And you’re killing my back, you overgrown rabbit.”

Kelsey giggled as she rode on Jennifer’s hip to the kitchen.

Her mother and sister stood looking out the window over the

kitchen sink in matching poses with their hands on their hips.

“Jen, come look at this.” Jackie pointed at the window. “That’s

your nephew.”

Without looking, she knew that Tucker was doing something

they didn’t approve of when Jackie referred to him as her nephew.

Jennifer peered out the window and chuckled, causing her sister’s

and mother’s scowls to deepen. Tucker had tied a rather large

bone to a string, then to a stick. He held it out like a fishing pole

while sitting astride the Tanners’ bullmastiff. Intent on the bone,

the dog apparently didn’t notice that he was being ridden like a

horse.

“He’s going to break that poor dog’s back,” Janet

complained.

“Be glad that Tucker took after Rick, he’s kind of small for

his age. Besides, Jack is a year and a half, he’s strong, and when

he gets tired of Tucker, he’ll lay down,” Jennifer said with a smile.

As if the notion occurred to the dog at that moment, he rolled,

dumping Tucker on the ground. In a flash, he jumped up, snagged

the bone, and ran with the stick trailing behind.

“We’re having shepherd’s pie.” Jackie peeked into the oven.

“It’s almost ready.”

Kelsey cupped her hand to Jennifer’s ear. “Tucker says it’s

made out of dogs.”

Jennifer was going to say that it was made out of cows but

remembered the fiasco it caused when she explained where

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Undeniable

hamburgers came from. She poked Kelsey in the belly, and

whispered, “It’s made out of cheese and potatoes, no dogs

allowed.”

Kelsey’s eyes grew wide and she gasped. “Tucker said a lie.”

“He’s just playing with you,” Jennifer said as she kissed her

cheek and set her down.

“Kelsey, go set the table.” Jackie handed her a handful of

napkins. She turned and raised the window. “Tucker, go tell

everyone to come in and wash their hands. Supper is coming

out.”“Jen, wash your hands, hon,” Janet said as she looked her

over. “Go into my bathroom and wash your face, too.”

Jennifer turned and made her way down the hall to her

parents’ bathroom. Her mother was really saying, “Make yourself

presentable.” She fully expected her to apply a little face powder

and put on some lipstick. She resented that the men of the family

could belly up to the table wearing dirty ball caps and grease-

covered clothes, and she was expected to spruce herself up for

their approval. Jennifer washed her face but disregarded the

makeup.

When she returned to the kitchen, everyone was seated. A

spot between Avery and Tucker had been reserved for her. She

took a seat and bumped Tucker with her elbow. “I see you’ve

finally figured out the trick to riding Jack,” she whispered.

He smiled back up at her. “Yes, ma’am.” His face showed

pure pride.

Jennifer listened to the conversation around the table as she

ate. Hugh, Rick, and Avery were planning a fishing trip for the

weekend. Jackie and their mother were embroiled in the latest

gossip going around Clinton. Neither of the topics interested her.

She hoped that they’d all talk less and eat faster so she could clean

up and go home.

Samantha crossed her mind as she zoned out, and the talk

around her faded into the background. In the years they were

together, she’d only seen Samantha “dressed up” twice. And then

she looked uncomfortable in the dresses and shoes her mother

had forced her to wear, but she no longer looked awkward in a

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pair of high heels. At the memorial, she was stunning in the black

pantsuit that clung snugly to her figure. The grown-up Samantha

now moved with a dignified grace that she lacked in her youth.

Even in her faded jeans and black sweater that she’d worn on

their trip to the creek, Samantha had a refinement about her that

Jennifer found new and alluring.

“Jen?”

Jennifer jerked when she realized that her father was speaking

to her. “Yes?”

“Feelin’ all right?” he asked as his brow furrowed. “You’re

not eating.”

Even Avery feigned concern as everyone looked her way. “I

think I strained my back a bit today,” Jennifer said. “I’m just a

little stiff.”

“Want one of my muscle relaxers?” Jackie asked.

Jennifer shook her head. “No, it’s nothing a hot bath won’t

fix.”“Well, hon, go on back and climb into my tub and turn on the

jets.” Janet looked at Avery. “That always loosens me up. Y’all

can stay here in the spare room.”

“I’d really like to sleep in my own bed tonight, Mom.” Jennifer

folded her napkin and set it on the table.

“You have clothes here, Jen. That mattress in the spare room

is good and firm. You’ll feel—”

“Janet,” Hugh interrupted softly. “She’s a grown woman and

would probably feel better in her own place.”

“I would,” Jennifer agreed. “But I appreciate the kind offer.”

She smiled at her mother, who looked a bit miffed.

“Well then.” Janet toyed with the napkin in her lap. “Don’t

hang around for the cleanup. After Avery finishes dinner, you can

go on home and relax.”

“I have my car.” Jennifer looked at Avery, who was halfway

finished with his meal. “Stay as long as you want, I’ll be fine.”

Without waiting for any more argument, Jennifer said good night

and excused herself from the table.

She didn’t bother putting on her boots when she walked out

onto the porch. She tucked them under her arm and walked as

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Undeniable

briskly as she could to her car. As it was, she’d have to go up the

long driveway to the road, then go back down her own drive. A

quick trip across the yard would save her a precious few minutes

and piss everyone off if she left tracks. Jennifer smiled as a

thought occurred to her. Samantha would do it. She grinned as

she veered off the driveway.

For the next hour, she soaked in her tub holding a book that

she was not reading. The same stirring of anxiety filled the pit

of her stomach as it did before she ran away from home. She was

about to do it again, and this time, Samantha and Tim were not

going with her.

Robin Alexander

Chapter 9

“Why are you dragging all of this old stuff out now?” Jackie

watched Jennifer sort through piles of old clothes and shoes that

were going to Goodwill. “You’ve been cleaning like a crazy

woman. The trash can outside is running over.”

Jennifer shrugged. “It needs to be done.”

“What’s going on with you, Jen? You haven’t been the same

lately. At least not since Tim’s service.”

Jennifer stopped what she was doing and moved to the couch

next to Jackie. “I’m going to ask Avery for a divorce.”

Jackie looked taken aback. She sat in stunned silence for a

moment as the words settled in. “What?”

“We sleep in separate bedrooms. We have for years now. This

shouldn’t really come as a surprise to anyone.”

“But why now? What the hell happened in Baton Rouge?”

Jackie moved from her seat and knelt in front of Jennifer.

Jennifer nibbled at the cuticle of her index finger, a habit she’d

long given up. “I’ve had some time to think, and this has been a

long time coming, you know that.”

Jackie tentatively put a hand to Jennifer’s knee. “This is going

to kill Mom.”

“I can’t keep living the life she picked out for me.” Jennifer

threw her head back onto the headrest in frustration and stared at

the ceiling. “I’m almost forty, for Pete’s sake.”

“I assume you’ve considered this, but what are you going

to do? Your whole life has been spent working at this business.

Where are you going to live, and how do you propose to support

yourself?”

Undeniable

“We have separate checking accounts. I have some money

saved up. It’ll last me until I find something.” Jennifer felt

somewhat relieved that she had gotten it out there, at least to

Jackie.

Jackie gave Jennifer’s knee a squeeze. “You can stay with us

until you and Avery sort this out. Rick won’t mind.”

Jennifer looked over at Jackie and rested her hand atop hers.

“Thank you, really, but I need to do this on my own. This is not a

temporary thing, there’s nothing to sort.”

Jackie looked at her with the same dismissive expression their

mother often used. “When are you going to tell Avery?”

Jennifer’s stomach lurched at the thought. “As soon as he gets

home. I can’t stew on this much longer. It’s making me a wreck.”

Jackie glanced down at her watch and stood. “He’s going to

be here any minute. I don’t want to be here when he does. I might

burst out crying when he walks through the door.” She paced

nervously. “I wish you would’ve told me sooner. We could’ve

talked this out.”

“You mean, you wish you had time to talk me out of it,”

Jennifer said with a weary smile. “I’ve made up my mind, and

don’t tell Mom and Dad. I’ll talk to them after I talk to Avery.”

Jackie rubbed her forehead. “Oh, my God, the house. We all

live on the same property. You can’t just boot Avery out of here.

He’s part of the family.”

“He can keep it.” Jennifer sat up straight and looked around.

“I need a change.” Jennifer watched as Jackie’s face turned red

when shock finally gave way to anger.

“Jennifer, think about what you’re doing!”

“I have been thinking. I didn’t just pull this out of my ass.”

Jennifer took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

Jackie held her hands up. “Look, put this off another day.

We’ll get together tomorrow morning and discuss what this is

really going to mean for you.”

“No.”

“I’m going to tell Mom and Dad right now,” Jackie said with

her hands on her hips.

Jennifer jumped to her feet. “We’re not six years old, Jac. Run

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over there and tell on me if it makes you feel better, but it’s not

going to stop me.”

Jackie finally looked at her with resignation. “Do what you

have to, but this is a mistake.”

“That’s your opinion,” Jennifer said curtly and walked into the

kitchen. She heard the front door slam and gravel being thrown as

Jackie pulled down the driveway. Her hands shook as she pulled a

bottle of water from the fridge. The first hurdle had been crossed,

and the next would be equally as nerve wracking.

Jennifer had been at the kitchen table for an hour when

she heard Avery pull up. Listened as he beat his boots on the

porch steps as he’d done since the day they moved into the three-

bedroom ranch-style house. She felt nauseated as she listened to

him walk through the door.

He appeared in the doorway of the kitchen moments later,

his face covered with stubble and his worn jeans tinged brown

from the dirt he’d worked in. “What’s for dinner?” He went to the

fridge and pulled out a beer. He held it up, silently asking if she

wanted one.

Jennifer shook her head. She wanted to say she was serving

up a hot plate of divorce but bit her tongue. “I haven’t made

anything. I need to talk to you.”

“Can it wait until I have a shower?” he asked as he popped

the top on his beer.

“No, Avery. Please sit down for a minute. I don’t think this

will take long.”

He pulled out a chair and sat, looking at her expectantly.

Jennifer watched her fingers bounce on the tabletop. “I think

you know what I’m about to say. I think we’ve both considered

it for a while, but for whatever reasons, neither of us has brought

it up.”

Avery nodded and toyed with the label on his bottle.

“It’s time we give up this charade and go our separate ways.”

Jennifer was surprised at herself for laying it out as she did.

Avery didn’t look into her eyes but nodded. “We split the

business in half, and I buy you out, right?”

Undeniable

Jennifer swallowed. “I think that’s fair.”

“What about the house?”

“You keep it.” Jennifer thought that was fair. It sat on the

same property as the nursery, and she would no longer be a part

of that.

Avery cleared his throat. “I can buy out your half of the

nursery right now, but I can’t afford to do it and the house at the

same time. Give me some time to build the funds up and I’ll give

you your share when I can.”

“I’m sorry this didn’t work out, Avery,” Jennifer said

sincerely.

“Me too.” Avery stood. “You’re right. We both knew this was

coming.”

Jennifer watched as he walked from the room. Judging from

the conversation, he’d been preparing for the inevitable. It went as

she figured it would. They rarely ever fought, they’d just drifted

apart. Mostly, she’d drifted and he’d let her.

As she rubbed the tension from her neck, Jennifer prepared

herself for the last and probably most difficult hurdle. Maybe in

the time it took her to walk to her parents’ house, she’d be able

to brace herself for the conversation. Then again, maybe Jackie

had made good on her threat and the bomb had already been

dropped.

Robin Alexander

Chapter 10

A month into her self-imposed exile, Samantha’s phone rang,

David’s number on her ID. She’d answered his e-mails and deftly

avoided his questions about Jennifer. She knew that he’d ask about

her again when he had her on the phone, and there would be no

disguising the hurt that still resided near the surface.

“Hey, David, how are you?” Samantha said as cheerfully as

she could.

“I’m doing okay. Got my new place all set up, and now all I

need to make it perfect is a visit from you.”

Samantha considered that for a moment. She could take off

after her next shift and spend a few days with him. But that would

remind her of Tim, then the memories of Jennifer would be even

more vivid.

She could hear David exhale slowly. “Sam, we’ve never

bullshitted each other. You haven’t had much to say when I asked

about Jennifer in my e-mails. What’s going on?”

Samantha bit her lip and looked out at the marsh lit by the

fading afternoon sun. “We should be talking about how you’re

doing.”

“We can. I just spent more than I should’ve on an oil painting

of the Pontchartrain. Makes me think of Tim and of course you.

I found a gray hair on my chest yesterday, hurt like hell when I

pulled it out. So I take it things aren’t going well with you and

Jennifer?”

Samantha laughed for the first time in weeks. “You’re like a

bloodhound on a trail.”

“Tell me.”

Undeniable

Samantha relayed everything that happened up until the

time she fled from the hotel. David listened quietly, occasionally

saying “hmm” as she spoke. “So you haven’t spoken to her at all

since then?”

“I see no reason to,” Samantha said. “I’m putting this

experience behind me, and I’m going on with my life.”

David exhaled again, and Samantha prepared herself for

whatever he was going to say next. “Can you imagine what it’s

been like living with someone for years and still having feelings

for someone else?”

“Yeah, I can do more than imagine it. I’ve lived the same

way,” Samantha shot back, regretting instantly the harshness of

her tone.

“You said she had a lot of questions, and to me, it sounds like

she might be at a crossroads. She might need a shoulder to lean

on.”“It can’t be mine, David. She’s got to make whatever decisions

she has to make on her own. I can’t influence her either way.

Crossroads or not, she has twenty-something years invested in

her marriage, and I won’t intervene.”

“She probably doesn’t have any gay friends she can talk to.”

“Why are you pushing this?”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be pushy. I’m just trying to see her

side of it. I only saw her for the first time at the gathering for Tim,

but I’ve heard about her for so long that I feel like I know her.”

David paused for a minute. Samantha could hear ice clinking and

heard him swallow. “It was the way you two looked at each other

that got me. Both of you trying to look aloof, but I watched y’all

from across the room, and both of you had unguarded moments

when the other wasn’t looking. There’s still something between

you.”“I love her. I always have,” Samantha admitted. “And that’s

why I can’t be there for her now. I can’t trust myself to be unbiased.

I think that proves that I truly want what’s best for her.”

“Only time will tell then,” David said with a resigned sigh.

“But I think you’ll hear from her again.”

“Then I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

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They talked for a while longer about work and David’s new

place, but Samantha felt that underneath it all David was far

from through with her. He’d let the subject of Jennifer drop, but

Samantha knew that she’d get a call again soon, and he’d have

new arguments for Jennifer’s case.

The sun had set when the call ended. Samantha sat on her

porch and listened to crickets and frogs welcome in the night.

She wondered if Jennifer still enjoyed it like she did. On the

nights that they’d sneaked out, that song had always played in the

background. They’d walk hand in hand around the park a couple

of blocks from Samantha’s childhood home. Every so often,

Jennifer would stop and pull Samantha into her arms and kiss her

with a passion that would make her heart pound.

They made love on the park benches hidden in the shadows of

old oaks, unable to wait to sneak back into Samantha’s bedroom

window. Jennifer’s body responded wholly to every kiss and

touch. Her hands and mouth ignited a fire in Samantha that had

never been quenched since. Samantha never understood how

Jennifer could feel that same passion with a man. She never

could. That Jennifer had lived all these years with a man after

loving her so thoroughly was a mystery. From their conversation,

Samantha gathered that maybe Jennifer was still yearning for

what Samantha had never been able to find.

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Chapter 11

With a groan, Jennifer heaved the last box marked “kitchen”

onto the counter. Her back ached from a night on the couch. The

first thing she did that morning was dig in every box until she

found her tools, then put her bed frame together. Regardless of

bodily aches, her heart soared after spending the first night in her

new apartment.

“You never had an orgasm the whole time?” Jackie asked

incredulously as she stopped unpacking a box of dishes. “No

wonder you’re so moody.”

“I had them,” Jennifer confessed as her face flushed. “Just

not with Avery.”

“You have to train men to give you what you want. They don’t

all know about the special buttons that have to be pushed. Was he

really that inexperienced?” Jackie deserted her chore and gave

Jennifer her full attention.

Jennifer regretted that she’d answered Jackie’s questions

about her sex life. “He wasn’t inexperienced…I just couldn’t let

go, I guess.”

“Well, maybe you’d still be married and sharing a bed if you

learned to ‘let go.’ Have you considered that?”

“Orgasms are not the reason that Avery and I are not together.

We grew apart.”

Jackie’s voice droned in the background as Jennifer put up her

silverware. Not even the most passionate memories of Samantha

could get her to that point. In the end, it wasn’t the smell of her

skin or the sound of her sighs she was experiencing. Guilt would

consume her as she lay with Avery and dreamed of someone else.

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Jennifer looked down at the small hand tugging on her pants

leg and smiled. “What do you have there, Kelsey?”

“I found a kitty.” Kelsey held it up with a triumphant smile.

“Her name is Petunia.”

Jennifer looked at the ragged stuffed cat. Samantha had won it

for her one year at the state fair. Aside from her memories, that was

the only thing she had to remind of her sweetest time of her life.

“Which one do you want?” Samantha asked with a wide grin.

She’d thrown the dullest of darts so hard that she’d burst every

balloon she aimed at.

Jennifer looked at all the prizes until her gaze settled on a

small black cat with a white face. It reminded her of Samantha’s

cat Underfoot. “I want that one.” Jennifer pointed.

She had sprayed it with the musk cologne that Samantha always

wore and held it each night when she couldn’t hold Samantha. And

when Samantha left her, she dried her tears on it.

“Can I keep it?” Kelsey asked, her big brown eyes staring up

at her beseechingly.

“Kelsey, no. That’s Aunt Jen’s,” Jackie said.

Jennifer ignored her sister as she knelt in front of Kelsey.

“This cat is very special. Will you take good care of it?”

Kelsey nodded enthusiastically as she cradled the cat in her

arms.

“Will you let me play with it when I come to visit?” Jennifer

asked with a smile.

“Yes, ma’am, and I’ll give it a bath, too.”

“Okay, no bath.” Jennifer toyed with one of Kelsey’s dark

springy curls. “Cats don’t like water at all, and this one is very

old. She’ll fall apart if you put her in water.” Jennifer held the cat

up to her nose and inhaled. All traces of Samantha were gone.

“Promise no bath?”

“Promise,” Kelsey said with a nod.

“Then she’s yours.” Jennifer watched Kelsey and her keepsake

go back into the den where she could hear the theme song to Back

at the Barnyard begin to play.

“I can’t believe you gave her that,” Jackie said. “You’ve had

that cat for years. Where did it come from?”

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Undeniable

Jennifer stood and resumed unpacking. “Sam won it at the

state fair.” She was glad that her back was turned—the mention

of Samantha’s name caused tears to well in her eyes.

“How does she look now that she’s grown up?” Jackie asked

idly as she stuffed dishes into the cabinet.

“Pretty much the same,” Jennifer said lightly. “Actually, she

looks really good. She’s grown up well.”

“Is she still as skinny as a garden rake?”

Jennifer laughed and discreetly wiped her eyes. “No.”

“Remember when I went to my twentieth high school

reunion?” Jackie waited for Jennifer to look at her. They broke out

into a fit of laughter. “I was so in love with Mark Coletti, though

he didn’t know I existed. He sure wasn’t the boy I remembered,

looking like he was nine months pregnant and bald as a grapefruit.

Thank God we don’t lose our hair.”

“You’d be butt ugly as a bald woman.” Jennifer ducked a ball

of newspaper.

“You wouldn’t look any better,” Jackie shot back. “So is

Samantha married with kids now?”

Jennifer turned her back to Jackie and toyed with the cutlery.

She had hoped that Jackie would let the subject of Samantha lie.

“I didn’t ask.”

“She was your best friend, granted y’all had a huge falling

out.” Jennifer saw out of the corner of her eye Jackie stop and look

at her. “Weren’t you curious?”

“I was, but with everything going on, we didn’t get to talk

much about ourselves.”

“Did you notice if she was wearing a ring?” Jackie pressed to

Jennifer’s chagrin.

“No, I didn’t notice one. My mind was on Tim, really.”

“Was he married? He always looked gay to me.”

“He was gay,” Jennifer said, glancing at Jackie.

“What a waste. He was so damn cute.”

Jennifer sighed as Tucker bounded into the kitchen. “Aunt

Jennifer, I like your new place. Does it have food in it?”

“Not yet, but I’ll order pizza.” She laughed when she heard

Kelsey’s cheer from the living room.

Robin Alexander

Chapter 12

Samantha stood on the catwalk suspended between the two

dock houses watching the muddy water of the Mississippi River

swirl beneath the moonlight. She loved the night shift. There

were no suits or inspectors crawling the dock or peering over her

shoulder. Just her and Alan waiting on the next barge tow to come

in. Even though she enjoyed being alone, she wished a tow would

arrive and keep her mind busy on something besides thoughts of

Jennifer.

She looked at the diagram on her clipboard of the dock and

made notations on her safety checklist, something she was required

to do at the beginning of each shift. She looked at the H-shaped

dock that jutted out into the water. A catwalk connected the two

ends, each with a tiny dock shack that afforded them shelter from

the rain or sun during day shift. When the huge hydraulic arms

were down and a barge was being loaded or unloaded, they were

required to be there through the transfer. Otherwise, she did what

she was doing now—filled out paperwork and waited on the next

tow.“Jackson! The Mrs. Ivy called in, and they’re gonna be

delayed another two hours,” Alan shouted from the doorway of

his dock shack. She listened to his boots clink across the catwalk

suspended several stories above the river that swirled beneath

them.

Samantha groaned and looked at her watch. Two hours

almost always translated into six or more, and she’d be home

asleep before the boat would arrive with the tow. “Just lovely,”

she yelled back.

Undeniable

Alan held up two bags that Samantha knew were loaded with

plastic containers of Alan’s wife’s culinary delights. She always

packed extra for Samantha. Fortunately for Samantha’s waistline,

Alan ate most of her portion while she picked through the salads

that Alan was supposed to eat.

“My shack smells like man funk. Rodney must’ve skipped

his shower this morning, so let’s eat in yours.” Alan brushed past

Samantha, expecting her to follow.

“What’s on the menu for tonight?” She shielded her eyes from

the harsh fluorescent light of the tiny room.

“Hell if I know.” Alan started popping the top on each

container. “I slept till the minute I had to leave. Aleta had

everything packed up and ready to go.”

Samantha squeezed past Alan and took a seat. “Looks like

stuffed bell peppers.”

Alan pushed two containers in front of Samantha, one with

salad and the other with the bell pepper. “That’s gotta be yours.

Look how neatly it’s packed. Mine looks like she dropped it and

kicked it a few times.”

“Piss her off again?” Samantha fished a couple of sodas from

her cooler.

“I was supposed to help her in the garden today. She wanted

me to run the tiller. It’s too big for her, but I was just too damn

tired.”

“I’ll help you on our days off.” Samantha looked at the pile of

mush in Alan’s dish.

“Told her that,” Alan said with a grin. “I volunteered you

before you had a chance to offer.”

“Alan, I need some advice…about women,” Samantha said,

concentrating on her salad.

“Well, here it is,” Alan said without missing a beat. “Don’t

piss them off, which is impossible since you never really know

what sets them off in the first place.” He laughed at his own joke.

“You’ve had more women than I have and you are one. What can

I possibly tell you?”

“Remember when I told you about seeing an old flame at

Tim’s memorial?”

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Alan nodded with a smile. “Your first love,” he said, batting

his green eyes. “I do declare. How could I ever forget?”

“Can you be serious for five minutes?” Samantha asked,

knowing that was impossible. “If you were in my shoes, would you

try to be friends with her? I mean, could you settle for friendship

if you had a history like we did?”

Alan leaned back and belched loudly, something that

Samantha had painfully gotten used to since she was one of only

two women who worked on the docks.

“Men and women can’t just be friends, especially when one

of them is married. It’s assumed that you’re doing the nasty. But

if she was single and I was single then…I don’t know. Pardon me

for being a dick, but all roads lead back to the sack, and that’s

where we’d probably end up.”

“One thing’s for sure, you are a dick. Forget I brought it up.”

Samantha pushed her container with the bell pepper his way and

took his salad.

“Okay, look at it this way. You said she’s married, so you

pretty much know you can’t do her. What you’re wondering is if

you can be her friend and not want her.”

“There’s a lot of the conversation we had that I didn’t tell

you,” Samantha said before popping a tomato into her mouth.

“Okay, then you’re the dick because I grilled your ass and

you told me you saw her, she was still hot, and you just chatted,

that was it.”

Samantha waved her fork at Alan. “You asked me if I fucked

her. That’s all you were interested in.”

Alan sat back in his chair and rested his hands on the gut that

was steadily growing and waited. She glanced at him and noticed

that his green eyes were twinkling. He expected something

more—something juicy that he would no doubt run back and tell

his wife.

Samantha pushed her salad away and took a sip of her drink.

“She had a lot of questions about our breakup. There was a lot she

didn’t understand. But the night we had dinner in her room, she

seemed like she wasn’t entirely happy with where she’s at.”

“Hmm, that’s a dangerous spot for you to be in. She might be

Undeniable

wanting to test the waters to see if she still enjoys women. That

could lead to a broken heart for you if she decides that’s not what

she wants. And then there’s the marriage. You don’t want to be

the reason she gets a divorce.”

“That’s it.” Samantha pointed at Alan. “In a nutshell.”

“So leave it alone, dumbass.”

Samantha nodded and looked away. “That’s what I know I

should do.” Samantha smiled ruefully. “I can’t quit thinking about

her, though. She’s still so much the same and so different. She’s

prettier than I remembered. She’s still got a way of looking at me

that makes me feel lost.”

“I can sit here and tell you not to pursue this,” Alan said

seriously for once. “But I think your mind is already made up.

You’re in a very dangerous spot, Sam. You can go into this

pretending that you’re just gonna be a friend. You’ve already

admitted that you can’t quit thinking about her, so be honest with

yourself.” Alan finished off his soda and gestured for another.

When Samantha handed it to him, he grabbed her wrist. “As a

married man, if she were my wife, I’d have a big problem with

you. I don’t want to ever get a call saying that you’ve gotten your

head blown off.”

“You’d shoot someone messing around with your wife?”

Samantha asked half jokingly when he released her.

“No, because I’ve got kids to consider, and I’m pretty level-

headed, but you never really know what a person will do when

they lose someone they love. Pick up any paper and you can find

an article where someone lost it over a broken heart.”

“I don’t even know the guy, but I couldn’t do that to him. I

couldn’t do that to myself, be someone’s ugly secret.”

“You still have a thing for the girl you remember from the

past, but memories are a funny thing. When my first wife left me,

all I could remember were the good times. And then she came

back, and I tried to forgive. But you know what I realized?”

Samantha shrugged.

“I’d forgotten about all the irritating shit that Angie used to

do, and I realized after she ran off with that three-legger that he

did me a favor. Now I have Aleta, and I couldn’t ask for a better

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wife. We’re not perfect, but I’ve never known happiness like I

do now.” Alan tilted his head. “Why are you grinning at me like

that?”

“Because that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“Aleta snores like a man,” he said with a laugh.

“You really are a dick. Whatever happened to Angie?”

“I heard she’s on marriage number five. This woman may still

be hot on the outside, but don’t get lost in that. She’s not the same

person she was, and neither are you. You’re pretty responsible,

got your head on straight. You don’t know if she’s the same. She

could be a self-centered manipulating slob looking for her next

meal ticket.”

Samantha opened her mouth to object, but Alan shook his

head. “You can’t defend her because you don’t know her. I’m

telling you that sometimes it’s just best to remember people the

way they were. The truth can be ugly.”

Undeniable

Chapter 13

Sam awoke to go to the bathroom around noon. After

climbing back into bed, she lay there thinking about Jennifer.

She’d listened to Alan’s advice and replayed all the arguments

that she gave David, but still she couldn’t convince herself to just

let things lie. She picked up her cell phone and typed a message

that she halfheartedly wished would go unanswered. Just wanted

to know how you were doing.

“Okay, I did it.” She rolled over and burrowed deeper into her

covers. Maybe now she could sleep. The phone rang just as she

felt herself relaxing.

“Hi,” Jennifer said when Samantha answered. “I hate texting.”

“I just wanted to see how you were holding up,” Samantha

said as she sat up against the headboard.

“I’m doing okay, and you?”

Samantha hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say. “I

feel bad for running out on you like I did.” She heard Jennifer

exhale.

“I guess I understand. Emotions were running high. We were

coping with a lot.”

The conversation lulled, and it became apparent that neither

knew what to say.

“I talked to David. He seems to be doing okay. He moved in

to his new place. I know he hated to put their house up for sale,

but he needed a fresh start.”

“I imagine that I’d feel the same way,” Jennifer said. “I’m

sure their home held a lot of memories. I think making a fresh

start is the first step in healing.”

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“He’s a really sweet guy. I wish you could’ve met him under

different circumstances.” Samantha listened as Jennifer exhaled

again.

“I would’ve liked to have met him when he was with Tim,

and despite what I said at the memorial, I really can’t blame either

of you for that. I could’ve looked him up. I guess I just got caught

up in my own life.”

Samantha’s mouth felt suddenly dry as she licked her lips.

“Are you happy, Jen?”

“I am now, yes. I’ve had a lot of time lately to do some soul-

searching. I’m getting my act together, so to speak.”

Samantha waited to see if Jennifer would elaborate. Seconds

ticked by while neither said anything. Samantha changed the

subject. “So what do you do with yourself now? I know you own

a nursery, but what else?”

“I like to read.” Jennifer laughed. “I know you probably find

that funny since you did nearly all my book reports when we were

in school. I have a niece and nephew I love to spoil. Tucker is the

oldest, he’s nine, and he’s just beginning to play baseball, which

is really cute. Kelsey is four, and she talks like an adult, often

better than Tucker.”

“Wow, Jackie got started on the family kind of late, didn’t

she?”“She and Rick planned it that way. They traveled and partied

for a while, and once they got that out of their system, they had

Tucker. Kelsey was a complete surprise. Do you have nieces and

nephews you dote over?”

“I have two nieces, but Rene moved to New Jersey when her

husband had to transfer for work. Bailey and Morgan are in high

school now. It seems like they grew up overnight,” Samantha said

wistfully. “I have to dote from a distance now.”

“What about you and Rene? Are you close?”

“We were never close like you and Jackie. She’s four years

younger, and we never had a whole lot in common.”

Jennifer chuckled. “Sometimes that can be a good thing. As

much as I love Jac, she’s still in big sister mode and always butting

into my business. A blessing and a curse, I suppose.”

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Undeniable

“Do you ever go back to Central and check out our old

haunts?”

“I think about it sometimes, but it’s so cut off from everything.

I really have no reason to go there. Our trip to Hurricane Creek

was the first time I’d ridden through in years. I did go there one

time and just drove around about five years after we moved to

Clinton. I thought of you when I passed the high school and the

fight you had with Mrs. Waller the day you dropped out.”

“That was the meanest old woman,” Samantha said. “I still

remember the first day I sat in her class when she made her

famous speech. ‘Whether you pass or fail, the check still comes

in the mail.’ She didn’t take kindly when I threw that back in her

face after she bitched at me for not doing my homework.”

Jennifer laughed heartily. “You were a legend after that. No

one had ever gotten into her face like you did.”

“I never did like a bully,” Samantha said with a smile.

“I remember. You stood up for me when ‘Punchy Paige’ told

everyone she was going to beat me up after school.”

“I went windmill on her ass,” Samantha said, remembering

her stark terror. “I was so afraid that if I let up, she’d kill me. I was

still swinging when they pulled me off of her.”

“Hmm, yeah, that was a lonely three days while you were

on suspension. Tim and I didn’t know what to do with ourselves

while you weren’t there, but Punchy never bothered me again.”

“Where else did you go when you visited Central? Was the

taco stand still there?”

“No, I heard it closed a couple of years after I graduated.”

Jennifer paused for a moment, and Samantha was about to ask her

something else when she said, “I did go to the park, the one we

used to go to late at night.”

Samantha felt her heart rate speed up when she thought back

on the things they did there. “Did it look the same?” she asked

lamely.

“It did. Brought back a lot of memories.”

Samantha slid back down into her bed unsure of where the

conversation was going next. “I’ve never gone back there. I just

couldn’t.”

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Robin Alexander

“Why?”

“Because of what you just said. That place holds a lot of

memories.”

“So what do you do? Just pretend we never existed?” Jennifer

sounded genuinely curious.

Samantha pulled her blanket up to her chin as though it would

shield her from the sharp-edged question. “I think I covered

that when we talked at the hotel. I’ve never forgotten what we

shared.”

Jennifer’s voice was filled with resignation when she spoke.

“What we had then was special, at least it was for me. I’ll

always cherish those memories, but now, I’m going to live in the

present.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“It means—” Jennifer paused for a moment, and Samantha

heard knocking in the background. “I’m sorry, Jackie’s here. Come

in,” Jennifer called out, then her demeanor abruptly changed. “I’ll

call you again soon. Take care, bye.”

Samantha lay in her bed bewildered and pissed off that the

conversation was interrupted. She had no idea what Jennifer was

about to say, but it sounded a lot like a brush-off was soon to

follow.

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Undeniable

Chapter 14

“Who was that?” Jackie asked casually as she walked in.

Jennifer snapped her phone closed and bit her lip. “It wasn’t

Avery if that’s what you were thinking.”

Jackie held up her hands. “Just curious.”

“I’m sorry to sound so bitchy, but I’m just tired of being

asked about him.” Jennifer stood and walked into the kitchen

with Jackie following. “Mom calls twice a day wanting to know

if we’ve talked. Nothing against him, but I’m tired of hearing his

name.”

“I won’t bring him up again unless you do,” Jackie said as she

poured herself a cup of coffee. “I’ll even say something to Mom

and Dad if you want me to.”

“Tell them I’m gonna go lesbian if they ask me about him one

more time,” Jennifer said testily.

“Over my dead body.” Jackie took a seat opposite Jennifer.

“Rick’s got a few single friends I can fix you up with.”

Jennifer laid her head on her folded arms in defeat. She’d

hoped to confide in Jackie and tell her how she really felt, but

after the response to her quip, she knew that wasn’t an option.

“I’m not interested in dating, but thank you.”

“Doesn’t have to be a dating thing, honey. You haven’t been

in the arms of a man in a while. It might do you some good.”

Jennifer couldn’t raise her head to look at Jackie. There was

no way to hide the look of revulsion.

Jackie gave her arm a poke. “Find a job yet?”

“No.”

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“Is that why you’re so grumpy? I can loan you some money

if you need it.”

Jennifer sat up straight and shook her head. “Thank you, I’m

doing this on my own, and you know what? I’m enjoying my

independence.”

“You sure as hell look like it,” Jackie said, raising a brow.

“You’re still in your pajamas and it’s after noon. What do you do

here all day?”

That was a good question, Jennifer thought to herself. Her

only outings were to the grocery store, and though she loved her

apartment, the walls were beginning to close in. But she wasn’t

going to share that with Jackie. “When is Tucker’s next game? I’d

like to see him play.”

“You’re gonna brave coming up to Clinton?” Jackie asked

with mock surprise.

“I miss the kids.” Jennifer ran her fingers through her hair. “I

haven’t seen them much with them being in school.”

“They miss you, too. Tucker will be thrilled that you’re

coming to his game. I won’t tell him, let it be a surprise. It’ll be

good for you to see Mom and Dad, too. They miss you.”

Jennifer’s face tensed. “I miss them, too, but I’m so tired of

the pleas to go to marriage counseling. I do care for Avery, but I’m

not in love with him. I never truly was. I married him because I

was too young and afraid to stand my ground against Mom. Now

that I’m older, I think she pushed so hard for me to marry him

because she thought I needed to settle down. Don’t you remember

how she harped on me about spending time with my wild friends?

She’s always blamed them for me running away from home, but

that was a choice I made.”

“Why did you do it?” Jackie asked.

Jennifer averted her gaze as she decided how to answer a

question that had many answers. “Teenage rebellion. Mom was

so controlling, and I wanted to do my own thing. To be honest, I

would’ve never come back if it hadn’t been for Samantha and Tim.

Mom and Dad threatened to have him arrested, and he folded like

a lawn chair.”

“As I recall,” Jackie began, “you didn’t have a whole lot of

Undeniable

money between the three of you. You might’ve ended up begging

on a street corner or worse.”

Jennifer nodded. “We were just kids with big dreams. We

thought we’d find jobs and live together forever.”

“Okay, level with me.” Jackie gave Jennifer a nudge. “What

happened with Samantha? Why did she beat the shit out of your

car? That never made sense to me.”

Jennifer felt her heart begin to pound. Despite what Jackie

said earlier, she wanted to believe she could confide in her sister.

It would be such a relief to finally tell the truth and give release

to the mountain of pressure that had been building since she

announced her separation. “It was Dale. We fought about Dale.”

“Samantha wanted Dale?” Jackie asked wide-eyed.

Jennifer shook her head, unable to speak.

“Was she jealous of your relationship?”

Jennifer cleared her throat. “There was no relationship, really.

She didn’t know that, though.”

Jackie sank back in her chair. “My best friend Carol always

got out of sorts when I spent most of my time with a boy. It took

time away from us, and we didn’t do as much together, but she

never went crazy like Samantha did. She had a screw loose,

maybe a few.”

Jennifer was disappointed that Jackie missed what she was

trying to say but more disappointed in herself for letting the

subject drop.

Robin Alexander

Chapter 15

Samantha awoke at ten when her alarm went off. She rubbed

her eyes and wondered what she needed to get up for. If she went

back to sleep, she wouldn’t sleep that night, then she’d have a hard

time adjusting to going back on day shift. “Shit,” she said as she

sat up. Aside from that, there were a dozen things she needed to

do like grocery shopping. Her pantry was empty, and the fridge

was equally bare. “Maybe tomorrow,” she said as she stood and

stretched.

She pulled on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. She still had

coffee. As she measured the scoops, she looked out her window.

Spring was making its presence known. It seemed like overnight

that the trees had put out their new leaves that glowed almost

neon green in the sunlight.

As she waited for the coffee to brew, she opened the windows,

allowing the gentle breeze to clear the stuffiness of the house. She

sighed, longing for a project to get into, something to keep her

mind occupied. After she filled her cup, she wandered the house

until she came to her office/storeroom. Her desk sat in front of

the window barricaded by boxes that she had never bothered to

unpack. Whatever they contained was not a necessity, but they

crowded the room nonetheless, had for a few years.

“Today’s project is to unpack and get rid of this shit.” Samantha

set her cup down and opened the first box, which contained mostly

books. She made quick work of it and lined her bookshelves. On

the bottom, she found her old yearbook. She stared for a long

time at the maroon cover as she ran her hands over the wildcat,

the school mascot. As she opened it, she noticed all the signatures

Undeniable

and notes, some a paragraph or two long by people she couldn’t

remember. Knowing she shouldn’t, she flipped to the back cover

reserved for her closest friends. Jennifer’s handwriting jumped

off the page. She’d kept the message platonic in case the book fell

into the wrong hands.

Hey you,

I have no idea what to write. You are my very best friend.

Sometimes I think I can read your mind, and I think you can read

mine. We don’t even have to speak out loud, and we know what

we’re thinking. I’ve never known anyone like you. I hope you

know that no one can ever take your place.

Love you,

Jen

Samantha sighed as she looked at the opposing page. Tim’s

scrawl was huge.

Sam,

I love you, now give me back my T-shirt.

Judas Priest rocks!

Tim

Somewhere in that pile of boxes was Tim’s T-shirt, and

wrapped up in it were all the letters and keepsakes that she’d held

on to from Jennifer. That was the real reason she hadn’t bothered

to unpack. Opening that particular box would be opening up the

past, but then again, Samantha surmised the past was already

open and driving her insane.

She ripped open the next box and rifled through old sweaters

circa the nineteen eighties. Retro might’ve been in, but there was

no way she’d be seen in public wearing any of them. With a grunt,

she shoved that box into the hall. After tearing through a few

more, she took a break and sipped her coffee, sort of happy that

she had not come upon the box she was looking for. Without a

doubt, she’d spend most of her day lost in memory, and the project

would be left undone.

The house was silent except for the sound of the wind moving

through the blinds. It made her feel lonely. Samantha frowned

as she looked down at her cup. That was a feeling she hadn’t

experienced in a long time. She blamed Jennifer for it. Ever since

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she saw her again, there was a void she couldn’t fill with work

and friends. From the day they reconnected, Jennifer had a hold

on her, and after twenty years, she still felt helpless in the grip.

The next box took her farther down memory lane, though

there was no trace of Jennifer. Packet upon packet was filled

with pictures of past relationships. Linda on one of their many

camping trips, Cheryl at Christmas, Lyn on a bike trip. She looked

at her own face in a few, noticing how she had aged in each one.

Her smile was the same—fake, not quite reaching her eyes. She

wondered if any of them had ever noticed.

“How did I ever collect so much shit?” Samantha opened

another box. “And why did I hang on to it all?” A box of shoes

joined the sweaters in the hall, along with Mardi Gras beads and

cups. Her gaze settled on a box worn with age. She crawled over

a few to get to it. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, she opened it,

knowing she’d found what she was looking for when she felt the

cloth of Tim’s shirt.

“Ew, Timmy, you stink,” Samantha said as she pulled the

maroon shirt over her head.

“Just be glad it’s dry.” He added a handful of leaves to the

flickering pile of wood.

Samantha looked down at the Wildcat on her chest. “Why’d

you buy it? You’re not into school spirit or sports.”

“Because Hudson Pruitt was working the sales table that

day.”“He’s a jock and an asshole.” Samantha knelt and blew on

the fire, fanning the flame that had begun to rise.

“I like the athletic type, all the muscles, the way they smell

when they’re all sweaty after ball practice.”

Samantha made a face. “Ew.”

Tim moved closer to the fire. “We shouldn’t have gone

swimming without a change of clothes. I’ve got a sandbar in my

ass crack.”

“I thought you kind of liked that feeling,” Samantha said with

a laugh as she dodged a stick that Tim threw at her.

“When’s Jen getting home?”

The smile faded from Samantha’s face. “Not for another

Undeniable

week. I don’t know why they make her go. She hates going to her

aunt’s house.”

“Probably to keep us apart in the summer. They can’t work

and keep tabs on her, so they ship her to the aunt.” Tim shook his

head. “My parents are strict, but hers are just crazy, man. If she

didn’t have Jackie, she wouldn’t go anywhere. They think she’s

with her most of the time. They’d shit if they knew that Jackie

dropped her off at your house.”

“They’d shit if they knew the things that Jackie did. Jen says

she’s drunk half the time.” Samantha grinned as she looked at

the fire. “One night, she showed up at my house, and her hair

was full of grass. She looked like she’d been rol ing in it. Jen said

she’d been fucking Andy Barber.”

“Gross,” Tim said. “Now that’s an asshole. She must’ve been

desperate.”

Samantha dug in the sand for a moment. “Do you think…I

mean, what if Jen meets someone at her aunt’s…do you think she

would…?”

Tim looked back at her like she was crazy. “If she hung out

with anyone while she was there, which I doubt because she said

her aunt’s place was in bumfuck Egypt, it would only be to make

her parents believe she likes boys. She’s in love with you, man.”

“I’m glad they think you’re her boyfriend.”

“I don’t.” Tim shot her a look. “Every time they see me, they

give me a lecture about respecting their daughter, even though

we’re going out with Jackie. I wish they would let you pick her up,

so I wouldn’t have to listen to all of it.”

“They’re never going to let me pick her up. Mrs. Tanner says

I’m too wild and…white trash.”

Tim looked up from the fire wide-eyed. “Jen told you that?”

Samantha shook her head. “Jackie told someone and it got

back to me.”

“Bitch.” Tim angrily threw another piece of wood on the

fire. White trash. The words angered and embarrassed her even

now, because frankly, back then she was. The divorce of her

parents had been bitter. There was little money. Her wardrobe

Robin Alexander

consisted mainly of clothes picked up at garage sales. And she was

wild and angry and pushed every limit set. If she had a daughter,

she would not let her hang out with the Samantha Jackson she

was then.

Samantha held the shirt to her nose and breathed in deeply.

It smelled of old photos, maybe a little mildew, but not of Tim.

She laid it across her lap and dug into the box, surprised to see

dozens of pictures of her old van dented and covered in oxidized

blue paint. It was hideous, but to her, it was priceless. It meant

freedom…as long as she could afford the gas.

Something pricked her finger as she sifted through the photos.

She gripped it and pulled it free. The shark tooth.

“That is so cool,” Jennifer said, her eyes wide as she watched

the necklace dangling from Samantha’s hand.

“Will you wear it if I buy you one?”

“Yeah, and I’ll buy you one so we can match.” Jennifer picked

one up off the rack and grinned.

“Hey, Tim, you want one, too?” Jennifer held it up.

“What is that?” he asked.

“A shark tooth necklace.”

“I’m not wearing anything’s tooth, ew.” He picked up a strand

of white coral. “This is cooler.” He looked at Jen. “Your mom is

gonna know you went to the beach instead of that stupid retreat

Jackie went to if you wear that home.”

“You can tell her that Tim went to the beach and brought

it back for you.” Samantha headed toward the register. “That’s

only half a lie since he did go to the beach.”

“I’m never taking it off.” Jennifer walked close at her side.

“Don’t take yours off, either.”

Samantha did, though, right after Tim brought her the one

Jennifer had returned. She wasn’t really sure why she kept it, such

a tiny reminder that the relationship was really over. She let it

fall back into the box. What was she doing? The present was no

different than the past. She still couldn’t have Jennifer.

Samantha closed the box and shoved it under her desk. No

sense in torturing herself with the contents now.

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Chapter 16

“I think my teeth are still chattering.” Samantha sat next to

Alan on his porch looking out over the rows that they’d tilled. “No

wonder Aleta didn’t want to wrestle with that tiller. I feel like my

entire body is still vibrating.”

“It’s a beast,” Alan said with a nod. “My dad gave it to me,

and it still runs well, so there’s no reason to get rid of it. Thanks

for doing the last two rows, though. My shoulders felt like they

were being pulled out of the sockets.”

Samantha counted twelve rows, relieved that she’d only had

to handle two. “I talked to Jennifer.”

Alan shifted in his chair and looked at her. “In person or on

the phone?”

“The phone, and I think I misunderstood her intentions. She

said she was happy now and something about starting to live in

the present.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Alan wiped the sweat from

his brow.

Samantha shrugged. “I asked the same thing, but her sister

arrived before she could answer. I think maybe she was about to

tell me that she was happy being married. At least that’s what I

read into it.”

“Good, so now you know. I wouldn’t call her again if I were

you.”“I’m not going to,” Samantha said resolutely. She felt she was

better off not knowing what Jennifer had to say next. To theorize

was one thing, but to have it confirmed was another. She didn’t

want to be made to feel like she did when they talked about Dale,

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though this time, she would’ve handled it with dignity and wished

Jennifer well.

Alan and Samantha turned as Aleta stepped out onto the

porch with a tray. “How do you like your steak, Samantha?” she

asked with a smile.

“Medium.” Samantha stood. “I’ll grill them if you want.”

“No, no,” Aleta said. “I’ll do this. You’ve done the hard stuff,

so take a break.”

“Stop flirting with my wife and sit down,” Alan teased. “She’s

got a thing for women with dark hair and eyes, Leets.”

Samantha shot him the finger behind her back.

“Got a new gal in your life?” Aleta asked as she lit the grill.

“Nope, past gal, new problems.” Samantha took the tray that

Aleta was balancing on her hip.

Aleta raised a brow at Samantha. “Jennifer, your high school

sweetheart?”

Samantha spun and looked at Alan, who grinned. “Alan, you

di—”“Ah, ah,” Aleta said. “No dock talk at the house. You should

know by now that Alan can’t keep a secret from me. Have you

talked to her?”

“I was just telling Alan that we spoke on the phone, and

I think she was trying to tell me that’s she’s happy with her

husband.”

Aleta took the tray from Samantha and laid it on a table next

to the grill. “What did she say initially that made you believe she

was unhappy?”

Samantha thought back over the conversation they’d had in

Baton Rouge. “She never did come out and say it, I suppose. I

guess it was the way she made me feel.”

Aleta closed the lid on the grill to let it heat. “What did she

say exactly?”

“She asked a lot of questions about the breakup, and she

told me how much it hurt her.” Samantha was beginning to feel

foolish. “She never did come right out and say she was unhappy,

although she slipped one time and said she loved her husband, but

it seemed to be in the past tense.”

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Alan stood and gestured for Aleta to take his seat. “I’ll cook,

you two do the girl-talk thing.”

Aleta gave him a squeeze and took the offered spot. She stared

at Samantha until she returned to her chair. It tickled Samantha

that a waif or a woman barely five feet tall could command her

and Alan with just a look. She understood then why the kids never

talked back.

“So after your conversation with her recently, are you

content?” Aleta asked pointedly.

Samantha grinned despite herself. “No.”

“Dumbass,” Alan said quietly from his place at the grill.

“We’re girl-talking, shut up,” Aleta said, and Alan pretended

not to notice. “I think you’re reading a lot into what Jennifer has

to say. Don’t you think you would be happier if you just laid out

your cards and listened to her response?”

“Nope.” Samantha listened to the creak of the rocking chair

while she rocked back and forth.

“Sam, put on your big-girl panties and listen to me. Whatever

her answer may be, you’ll finally know the truth. If she doesn’t

still have feelings for you, you can put a lid on this.”

“I’m wearing my big-girl panties today. Anyone want to see?”

Alan asked with a hand on his hip.

Samantha laughed, thankful for the interruption.

“I was standing in the doorway when you said you weren’t

going to talk to her again,” Aleta admitted. “And though Alan’s

advice is sage, I think you’re not going to be happy until Jennifer

tells you how she feels. I know I wouldn’t if I were in your

place.”

“You’re right,” Samantha said with a sigh. “I keep telling

myself I’m better off not knowing, but you’re right.”

Aleta reached over and clasped Samantha’s hand. “She’s very

special to you. I remember thinking a long time ago when you

first told us your history that this girl still had a hold on you. It’s

scary, I know.”

Samantha rested her head on the chair and gave Aleta a

sideways glance. “It’s really kind of silly for me to be hung up

like this after all this time.”

Robin Alexander

“Not really.” Aleta shook her head. “We always carry a soft

spot for our first love.”

“Sometimes, I don’t know if it’s that or if I’m just curious

about who she is now.”

“I find myself wondering about the first boy I loved

sometimes,” Aleta said with a wistful smile.

“That’s it. Steaks are done, time to eat,” Alan cut her off. He

waved a pair of tongs at Aleta. “We’ll talk about that later.”

Undeniable

Chapter 17

Jennifer stuffed some cash into the pocket of her shorts,

grabbed her sunglasses, and walked out into a breezy spring day.

She’d spent the last few days mulling over the last conversation

she’d had with Samantha. Her head ached over what she should’ve

said and wondering about what Samantha’s reaction would’ve

been.

As she leisurely strolled down the sidewalk to the bookstore

she’d planned to visit, she tried to put it out of her mind, but

thoughts of Samantha still invaded. When she received Samantha’s

text, she took a minute to debate whether she should come right

out and tell her that she’d filed for divorce. Instead, she decided

to wait and test the waters. Maybe Samantha would give her some

sort of indication that she might be open to getting to know her

again.

The comment about the park had thrown her. Samantha had

said she hadn’t forgotten what they’d shared, but Jennifer had

come away thinking that Samantha had no desire to dwell on it.

That was one thing in common that she assumed they still shared.

Both had the ability to can unresolved feelings and store them

away. At this stage in life, Jennifer thought that maybe she’d lost

that ability because the past and present Samantha were all she

could think about.

A bell rang when Jennifer crossed the threshold of the new

and used bookstore. Within minutes, she had the latest Patricia

Cornwell tucked under her arm and was back on the sidewalk.

Desperate for a break from her thoughts, she took a seat at the

only shaded bistro table in front of the store and began to read.

Robin Alexander

“I think this might be yours,” a woman said a while later

as she waved a receipt. “I saw it blow off the table as I walked

up.”Jennifer gazed up at a brunette clad in a pair of running shorts

and a sweat-soaked tank top. One of the ear buds from her iPod

dangled loosely. Jennifer noticed the rainbow-colored friendship

bracelet as the woman pulled the other ear bud from her ear.

“A Cornwell fan, too, I see,” the stranger said as she readjusted

her ponytail. “I just finished that one, and now I’m waiting none

too patiently on the next.”

“You’re not going to blurt out the ending, are you?” Jennifer

asked with a smile as she took the offered receipt. “And thanks.”

She tucked it into her book.

The woman laughed. “I could do a run by and just yell it

out as I passed, but don’t worry, I promise I won’t. My name is

Michelle, and you are?”

“Jennifer, and it’s nice to meet you.”

“I’ve been waiting for this place to open.” Michelle looked

through the windows at the displays. “I run by nearly every day,

but I’m usually too sweaty to go in. That’s why I’m standing

downwind of you now.”

“That’s very thoughtful,” Jennifer said with a teasing smile.

“I can go in and get whatever you want unless you just wanted to

browse.”

“I’d like to browse. Do you mind if I took a seat here to cool

off for a few minutes?”

Jennifer pushed out a chair with her foot. “Not at all.”

“Thanks.” Michelle took the offered seat. “I moved to the

area six months ago. I’m still getting used to the seasons here,

cool one day and hot the next.”

“I was going to ask where you were from,” Jennifer said. “I’m

picking up on an accent.”

“Seattle. I haven’t mastered the Southern drawl yet.”

“Hmm, that’s going to take more than six months. Don’t try

too hard, and you’ll bastardize the language like us in no time.”

“I’ve been trying not to say ‘you guys.’ I take a lot of ribbing

for that at work,” Michelle said.

Undeniable

“What kind of work do you do?”

“I’m an exotic dancer,” Michelle said without a hint of a

smile.

“Seriously?”

“Dead serious. Why would I be out here in the middle of the

day?”

Jennifer bit her lip to keep from laughing while she waited for

Michelle to give up the joke.

“We’re not union, so I can’t show you a card or anything,”

Michelle said with a grin. “So what do you do?”

“I used to own a nursery and landscaping business with my

husband, but we’re going through a divorce. Right now, I’m trying

to decide what I want to do,” Jennifer said, feeling she could be

just as candid.

“Oh, my heart goes out to you then,” Michelle said

sympathetically. “I went through that a few years ago, wasn’t

pleasant.”

“Divorce never really is, I guess.” Jennifer didn’t know what

else to say.

“I’m not a stripper,” Michelle said with a laugh. “But I do

work for the coroner’s office, and some people think that’s worse.”

She wiggled her fingers. “I touch dead people.”

“Hence the love of Patricia Cornwell’s writing, I presume,”

Jennifer said.

“Uh-huh, I used to read Dean Koontz and Stephen King, but

they made me afraid to go to work. I kept expecting one of the

corpses to move. Creeped me out.”

Jennifer laughed then, and it felt good. It was a delight to talk

to someone who had a sense of humor for a change.

“So have you gotten back into dating yet?” Michelle asked. It

was a casual question, but the way Michelle looked at her made

Jennifer a bit nervous.

“No, I’m not hunting for a new husband.”

“Ever?” Michelle asked with a slight smile. “Or just for

now.”Jennifer swallowed. “Ever.”

“Switching teams, might I ask?”

Robin Alexander

Jennifer leaned back in her chair and laughed nervously.

“You’re very direct. I wish I could be that way.”

“My parents are that way.” Michelle raised her hands and

shrugged. “It rubbed off.” Michelle quieted, apparently waiting

for her question to be answered.

“I find women very attractive.” Jennifer halted and thought

about Samantha. “But there’s only one woman who I’ve ever

really wanted to be intimate with.”

Michelle stomped her foot. “Damn.”

Jennifer found herself laughing again.

“So if I asked you out, you’d say…?”

“No, I’m sorry, but that you wanted to really does a lot for my

self-esteem.”

“I can be really cute when the light hits me right.” Michelle

turned and faced the sun breaking through the trees. “See?”

“You’re a lot more than just cute, Michelle. If my situation

were different, I’d be jumping at the chance to go out with you.”

“I jog through here every day,” she said as she stood. “If

things don’t work for you, come back here and I’ll ask again.”

“It was truly a pleasure. I’ll definitely remember you.”

“You too,” Michelle said with a genuine smile. “I’m going to

go in and see if there’s anything I haven’t read.”

Jennifer watched as Michelle stepped inside the door, then

picked up her book with a smile. It elated her that someone so

good-looking found her attractive. As she walked back toward

her apartment, she thought about her admission, and it was true.

Samantha was the only woman she wanted to give herself to.

Undeniable

Chapter 18

“Dock arm in working order.” Samantha checked off her

inspection list.

“You call her yet?” Alan tapped his pen against his

clipboard.

“Ladder number four needs to be replaced.”

“They’re not gonna fix it, still waiting on the barge towing

company to pay up.” Alan spit over the railing and grinned when

Samantha made a face. “Call her yet?”

“Secondary catwalk between shack one and two buckled,”

Samantha went on.

“Big pile of chicken shit on primary catwalk,” Alan said.

“Needs to be cleaned.”

“Weren’t you the one that told me to let it go?”

“We both know you’re not. You’re gonna call her, you just

haven’t had the balls to do it yet.”

Samantha turned and walked away.

“Big pile of chicken shit in dock shack one. Poses a health

hazard,” Alan called after her.

Samantha flipped him off before stepping inside, determined

to keep her focus on the job. It grated her nerves that he was right.

The higher-ups weren’t going to fix anything she notated. It was

a waste of time, but the safety inspection had to be completed

anyway. He was also right about Jennifer. She was too chicken to

make another call.

The thing that disturbed her the most was that she’d opened

communication between them, and Jennifer had not called her.

Maybe that was a message in itself. Samantha had spent her last

Robin Alexander

two days off with her cell phone close by just in case Jennifer

called. She didn’t.

“I’m bored,” Alan said when he poked his head into her shack.

“Motor vessel Sunrise is not due for another three hours.”

“Then that gives you plenty of time to copy my notes. We

both know you’re not gonna do your own inspection.” She shoved

her clipboard across the table and Alan took a seat. She watched

as he glanced at her board and made notes of his own.

“Rhonda said to tell you hello,” Alan said without looking up.

“Saw her before the shift when I dropped Jerry’s boots off. She’s

a cutie, and I think she likes you.” He did look up then, gauging

her reaction.

“She’s the flirty type, she likes everyone.” Samantha pulled

off her hard hat and smoothed back her hair.

“Not everyone, just the ladies.” Alan wiggled his eyebrows.

“So did you call your old flame yet?”

Samantha shook her head. “Don’t bring her up. I can’t focus

on anything when she’s on my mind, and we have old moorings

to cut away from the dock.”

Alan groaned. “We should make the tankermen do that shit.

It’s their fault for not paying attention when they load.”

Samantha rolled her eyes as Alan put voice to the age-old

complaint.

“When the barge gets heavier and sinks deeper into the

water, you adjust your ropes, even the newbies know that. Last

week, one dumbass nearly pulled a post off the dock. I wish the

rope would’ve snapped and knocked his ass out flat. We can’t be

expected to do our jobs and theirs, too.”

“That is our job.” Samantha pulled on her gloves. “We make

sure they’re doing what’s supposed to be done. If you’d been

watching that dumbass last week, then—”

“Shut up.” Alan held a hand up. “It’s my dock, I know I have

to be the one to shimmy.”

Samantha laughed. “I love to watch your chunky ass shimmy

up those poles. I wish they’d let us film these escapades. Aleta

would love it!”

Alan grunted as he signed his name to his inspection report

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Undeniable

and shoved it across the table. “Let me get my rope cutter. Meet

you at the ladder.”

“Don’t forget your gloves,” Samantha called after him. He

responded with a one-finger salute.

“We should do this on day shift.” Samantha adjusted the

spotlight.

“I’m not doing this shit with a safety inspector up my ass.”

Alan clipped on the safety harness and gave it a tug. “You know

how hard it is to maneuver with a hard hat on.”

“And you know how many safety rules we’re breaking by

doing this. If you cause us to lose the safety bonus—”

“Shut your yap, Sam. I got this.”

Alan held a bare hand up in front of her face. She shook her

head at yet another infraction—he wasn’t wearing gloves.

“Can’t you go down a different ladder? We’ve already notated

this one as needing repair. It’s shaped like an ‘S’ for fuck’s sake.”

“You whine just like Aleta, except she never says ‘fuck.’”

Alan took two steps down and grinned back up at her. “Unless of

course we’re fucking, then she uses it liberally.”

Samantha made a face. “That’s just…ew.” She rubbed her

eyes. “I’m getting a mental picture. Ew! Damn!”

“Shut up,” she heard Alan say as he climbed farther down the

ladder. “I know you think this hot body is only for show, but I’m

a—”Samantha’s eyes grew wide as she watched the safety line go

rigid. Somewhere below the dock that was several stories high,

she heard a splash. “Alan!”

“I’m fine…damn it! My cutter went into the water.”

“Are you on the ladder?” Samantha yelled as she scrambled

down the dock to the next one. She hooked in to the safety harness

and moved as quickly as she dared. About ten feet down from his

starting point, Alan hung upside down in his safety harness. “You

shit!” she said as she stepped out onto a brace and moved slowly

toward him. “I told you not to use that ladder.”

“I told you not to use that ladder,” Alan repeated in a sarcastic

tone.

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Robin Alexander

“I should leave your ass hanging here until the day shift

comes on.”

“You could, but then they’d see this.” Alan held up his right

hand, revealing a gash about three inches long.

“There goes the safety bonus.” Samantha moved closer.

“Not if anyone doesn’t see it. Now swing my ass back and

forth until I can catch a beam. Don’t try to grab me or we’ll both

be hanging here.”

Alan was just out of Samantha’s reach, and there wasn’t

anything handy to reach him with.

“Hold on to the beam and give me a kick. Be gentle, Sam.”

Samantha wrapped an arm around one of the creosote-

covered beams and lifted her leg. “Another pair of coveralls ruined

because of you. I’ve got creosote all over me.” She delivered a

kick to his hip.

“Ow, bitch,” Alan said as he began to swing. She gave him

another. “Not so hard, fucker.” That earned him another for good

measure. “Son of a bitch,” he said between gritted teeth. With his

good hand, he grabbed a beam and Samantha steadied him as he

righted himself. “I hate you,” he said with a laugh.

“Hate you more.” Samantha looked around. “How the hell are

we going to get back up?”

“You’re gonna go back the way you came. Set the crank on

the safety line that we never use, but you grease anyway.”

“Ha! I told you this might happen one day. Now aren’t you

glad that at least one of us follows procedure?”

“Throw that in my face one more time, and I’ll slap you right

off of here. We’ll both be swinging when day shift comes.”

Samantha threaded her way back to the ladder she had used

to go down and climbed back up. She moved quickly to the crank

and hit the button. The motor sounded taxed as it pulled Alan’s

weight. He appeared a few minutes later cradling his injured

hand.

“Well, hello, Samantha,” he said with a grin. “I was just

hanging out and thought I’d see what you were up to.”

Samantha grabbed him and pulled him over the railing.

Blood dripped from his hand and down the front of his coveralls.

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Undeniable

“You’re bleeding pretty bad. I think we need to call this in.”

“I’ve been hurt much worse. This is nothing we can’t take

care of. Run out to my truck and get my spare coveralls and my

first-aid kit. I’m gonna go clean this up.”

Later as they sat in Samantha’s dock shack, she wrapped

Alan’s hand in gauze. “It was good for it to bleed like that. It

washed out a lot of the crap that was on the ladder. Whatever was

left, I got with the peroxide. You’re gonna need a tetanus shot.”

Alan shook his head. “I’m up to date. I’ll go see my doc

tomorrow and tell him I did this at the house.”

Samantha knew better than to argue. One mishap reported

and the safety bonus was lost not just for them, but for everyone

on the dock for that quarter.

“Stop looking that way. I know you want to follow the rules

and report this, but no one does. Think how pissed Butch Clark

would be. He broke an arm last quarter and hid it, too.”

“If the tow comes in before the end of our shift, I’ll help you

on your end.”

Alan smiled. “Thanks. Now did you ever call that girl?”

Robin Alexander

Chapter 19

Jennifer grunted as she pulled the last of the white azaleas

into a tidy square. She’d arranged them all by color as they were

unloaded from the delivery truck.

“Fine job. My regular staff doesn’t take that much time to

make this place look decent. Wish I could afford to bring you on

full time.”

“Thank you, Mr. Bridges.” Jennifer wiped her hands on her

jeans. “I’m just happy for the work.”

“It’s Scott, the rest can call me Mr. Bridges,” her new boss

said with a smile. “A woman with your experience would be better

suited in the business office, but my wife holds that position, and I

can’t put her out here with the stock if I expect to live in peace.”

“I love the grunt work.” Jennifer plucked a few dead leaves

off a hawthorn. “It’s a pleasant change.”

“I’ll work you as much as I can, but business has been really

slow.”

“I understand and I appreciate it.”

Scott nodded and smiled before he walked away, leaving her to

her work. Jennifer sighed as she watched him go. She understood

all too well what he was up against. Most of the employees were

his own children and some of their friends willing to work for a

few extra dollars. No one with bills to pay could afford to work

for what he was able to pay, but it did make her feel useful and

slowed the draining of her savings.

Her mother had wanted her to go to nursing school before she

got married, but that was not something Jennifer felt she wanted

to do. She regretted that she hadn’t agreed to it. So much of her

Undeniable

life would’ve been different. She wouldn’t have gotten married,

and she’d at least have a degree that would’ve afforded her more in

life. But once she refused, Janet Tanner was picking out another

plan for her, one that included a husband to take care of her.

She should’ve put her foot down then, too, but didn’t. She

thought by marrying Avery, she would be out from under her

mother’s thumb. She never dreamed that Avery would crawl

beneath it with her.

She was living now, though, doing it all on her own. For the

first time in her life, she felt free. The only thing missing was a

love life, and that made her think of Samantha. She had picked up

her phone a dozen or so times to call her but changed her mind

just before hitting the send button. She wanted to tell her that

she was available just in case Samantha was interested, but that

wasn’t really true.

After her initial talk with Avery, everything seemed to be

going fine, then one day, he stopped returning her calls. He began

dragging his feet on the divorce. It wasn’t like him to do something

out of spite, and she had originally felt he was ready to get on with

his own life. She frowned as she thought about it. Had her mother

gotten a hold of him? Was that the reason for his silence?

Her parents weren’t happy about the divorce, though her father

didn’t comment on it much. Her mother, however, was very vocal.

They argued every time they spoke, so much so that Jennifer had

begun letting her calls go to voice mail. Jackie was then mobilized

and showed up on her doorstep every chance she got. More subtle

than their mother, she tried to ease into a conversation about it,

but Jennifer shot her down.

She looked down at the hawthorns in front of her. She would

shape a few of the plants on the front without cutting away the

flowers that had begun to bud. Something to take her mind off

the fear that swirled in her stomach. It was time to tell them all

the truth. Actually, it was overdue. She looked around, making

sure no one was close before tasting the word on her tongue.

“Lesbian,” she said softly. “I’m a lesbian.”

Just saying those words would start a new round of arguments.

Already weary of having to explain herself, she knew when she

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made that admission, it would be like throwing a Molotov cocktail

on an already raging fire. As if on cue, her cell phone vibrated

in her pocket, indicating a new message. She was surprised to

see Michelle’s name on the ID. Available for dinner if you want

company.

Jennifer’s shoulders sagged in relief. That was one person

she didn’t mind hearing from. They’d run into each other at

the bookstore again. After the second rebuff, Michelle offered

friendship, and they’d gone out a few times. It felt good to have

someone to talk to, someone who understood what she was going

through and was willing to listen. Jennifer wiped her hands on

her jeans. The Chimes at six?

Perfect, see you then.

Jennifer had ordered an appetizer and a drink before Michelle

arrived. “Guess who has a date this weekend,” Michelle said as

she sat.

“With the girl from the health club?” Jennifer asked

excitedly.

Michelle grinned and nodded. “And she asked me.”

“Thank God for that,” Jennifer said with a laugh. “I thought I

was gonna have to ask her for you myself.”

“And I thought I was gonna have to let you.” Michelle

motioned for the waiter and ordered a glass of wine. She waited

until he walked away to ask, “Have you talked to Sam?”

“No,” Jennifer said before taking a sip of her drink.

“I know you want to wait until you get things back on track

with Avery, but what if she meets someone else in the interim?”

Jennifer had thought of that. It made her sick. “I feel like I’m

fighting on several different fronts right now. I’ve got Mom and

Jackie in my face constantly, then there’s Avery, although I still

haven’t heard from him. For my own sanity, I need to get this

behind me.”

“It makes sense, it really does,” Michelle said with a shrug.

“You want everything in order so you can feel free to pursue

Samantha, but you might have to accept that day may never come.

Even after the ink is dry on the divorce papers, your mother is still

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going to want to fight. She may eventually accept the divorce, but

the reasons why…” Michelle let the last of her statement hang in

the air as the waiter served her wine and the appetizer. After they’d

ordered dinner, she looked back at Jennifer with compassion. “I

don’t envy the position you’re in. From what you’ve said, it’s going

to be hell on earth when you tell them you’re gay.”

Jennifer nodded as she nibbled on a shrimp. “I couldn’t even

enjoy Tucker’s game last weekend. She rambled the whole time

about how I had messed up everything. Her old-fashioned way

of thinking drives me insane. You must have a man in your life

to validate you as a woman, otherwise people think something is

wrong with you.”

“Something is wrong, you’re gay.” Michelle grinned. “There’s

nothing wrong with that, but in her eyes, it will be huge. Is your

dad saying anything at all yet?”

“He can’t get a word in edgewise, never could. My mom is

the mouthpiece. I haven’t known what he thought about anything

since I was a kid, and we used to go fishing.” Jennifer smiled. “We

could talk then, but since I went through puberty, we just drifted

apart. I think it’s hard for him to see me as anything but his little

girl. To be honest, I think he refuses to form an opinion.”

“Better to let your mom handle everything, so he doesn’t have

to fight.” Michelle’s brow rose. “Sounds like the little Tanner

apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”

“You’re right,” Jennifer said with a wave of her hand. “I wish

I was like Jackie. She and Mom bicker constantly, it’s their normal

way of being. I can’t stand the endless upheaval. Maybe that’s my

mother’s way of showing affection, but damn it, how about a hug

instead once in a while?” Jennifer leaned up on the table. “There’s

never going to be peace where Samantha is concerned. Get them

in a room together and boom. Sam is not the type to hold her

tongue for very long. She’ll tell my mom where to get off.”

“What’s she like, this woman who has such a hold on you?”

Michelle asked.

“I don’t know the woman she is now. I remember the girl

she was then, though.” Jennifer smiled wistfully. “I felt like she

could read my mind. When we were around people, we could

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communicate with only a glance.” Jennifer felt chills race down

her spine. “Oh, what she could do to me with a look. I failed a few

tests because I couldn’t concentrate after she would ‘accidentally’

brush up against me in the hallway between classes.”

“What was she like when you saw her again?” Michelle asked

after the waiter put their food on the table.

“Aloof at first.” Jennifer looked down at her plate as she

thought back to that day. Samantha’s gaze had roamed her face,

her expression indecipherable at first, then she saw it for only

a split second—the love and longing that she thought she alone

still felt. “I caught glimpses of the old Samantha, but when she

saw my wedding ring, she closed off. I guess that’s why it’s so

important for me to be free when I go to her.”

Michelle nodded as she stuffed a forkful of seafood pasta into

her mouth. After she swallowed, she looked at Jennifer. “Still find

her attractive obviously.”

Jennifer couldn’t hide the flush that she felt moving up her

neck. “More so now, I think. She always had an air of something

about her, cockiness, maybe. She was a fighter when she had to

be, but now it’s a quiet confidence that…it’s hot.”

Michelle put her napkin over her face as she laughed. “I gotta

meet this woman.”

“One day, hopefully you will.”

Undeniable

Chapter 20

Samantha pressed the cold bottle of beer against her temple

as she listened to the phone ring. She jerked when Jennifer’s voice

mail answered. “Um, hey, it’s Sam. I wanted to ask you something.

Give me a call when you have time to chat.” She ended the call

and took a long pull from her beer.

It had been nearly a month since Aleta gave her a pep talk; it

took her that long to work up the courage to call Jennifer. Though

she rehearsed what she’d planned to say, her mind went blank the

minute she pressed the send button. She was somewhat relieved

that Jennifer hadn’t answered.

Jennifer still hadn’t called her, either, and that lent credence

to her assumption that Jennifer was content with her life.

Nevertheless, Aleta was right. She needed to hear Jennifer say it

before she could let her go. “I can’t stand feeling this way,” she

said aloud, then nearly fell off the couch when her phone rang.

Jennifer’s number was on the ID.

“Hey, sorry I missed you. I was just getting out of the shower

and couldn’t get to the phone fast enough,” Jennifer said. “What

did you want to ask? Sam, are you there?” Jennifer asked when

Samantha didn’t readily respond.

Samantha ran a hand through her hair, picked up her bottle,

and pressed the cool glass against her cheek. “I…uh, I need to

know something, and I’m not really sure how to ask it.”

“Okay,” Jennifer said and waited.

“Did I read you wrong or…are you not happy being married?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Could you not answer with a question?”

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“I think I need to know why you’re asking before I can

answer,” Jennifer said. Samantha could hear the tension in her

voice.

Samantha took another drink of her beer, feeling suddenly

foolish and vulnerable. “I don’t know. You sounded like you

might’ve…I felt like I was getting mixed signals.”

Jennifer was quiet. “Samantha, do you still have feelings for

me?”

The question sounded almost accusing to Samantha. She

pictured Jennifer rolling her eyes, and her nerve was gone. “Of

course I care about you. I thought you might need a friend. I

mean, I can at least offer that…friendship.”

“A friend?”

“Yeah, someone to talk to about things.”

“I don’t think we can be friends. There’s just too much of a

past between us.”

Samantha felt her face grow hot and her eyes burn. “Then I

wish the best for you and your husband.”

“Sam, wait. If I told you that I had filed for divorce and moved

out of my house, what would you say?”

The signals were conflicting. Jennifer sounded angry, like

she was baiting her to admit that she still carried a torch for her.

And though she heard Aleta’s voice in her mind telling her to

lay it out straight, she couldn’t. After twenty-some years, she

couldn’t bear to hear Jennifer blow her off like she did when she

dated Dale. She felt like the pathetic teenager she was then. “This

was a bad idea.”

“Why?”

“You’re right. We can’t be friends.”

“Wait a minute. Do you still have feelings for me? I need to

know.”

“No.” Samantha closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “I was

just offering to listen if you needed me to.”

The phone went silent, and Samantha thought Jennifer had

hung up until she said, “Well, thanks, but I’m fine.”

“Okay, take care then.” Samantha tossed the phone onto the

couch, feeling like a coward for lying.

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“Jackson, wait up!” Alan yelled as he ran down the dock

behind her. She picked up the pace, hoping to make it to her truck

before he caught her, but even with his sizable gut, he managed to

grab her hand before she could get the key into the lock. “What

the hell is wrong with you?” Alan asked breathlessly. “You had

that boy in tears. We’ve all been late a time or two, including

you.”Samantha jerked her arm away and wiped her eyes on her

sleeve. She knew the one thing you didn’t do as a woman was cry

on the job. The guys could get away with it, but for her, it was

unacceptable. She was expected to be tough, or she would lose

their respect.

“You’ve been a bitch for two months now,” Alan continued as

he grabbed her keys from her hand. “What’s up your ass?”

“Let me go.” Samantha spun to face him. She saw Alan’s eyes

widen when he looked into her teary eyes. “I just need to go home

and cool down.”

Alan looked around to see if anyone noticed them and softened

his tone. “Not like this. Let me drive you, we’ll talk. I’ll pick you

up for work in the morning, leave your truck here.”

Samantha could hear the voices of others who had gotten off

shift approaching the parking lot. “All right, let’s go.” She sank

down in the seat as they drove past the guard shack. Alan waited

to talk to her until they were on the road.

“Talk to me, Sam.” He reached over and rubbed her

shoulder.

“I got the answer to my questions, and I don’t feel any fucking

better.”

“You laid it all out, and she wasn’t interested,” Alan said.

“Yep.”

“That’s why you turned us down the last two times me and

Leets asked you to go skiing. You’ve been holed up in your house

in mourning.”

Samantha wiped her face with both hands. “Yep.”

“That’s got to stop,” Alan said gently. “Your heart’s broken

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all over again, but this time, you really didn’t have anything

invested. It’s the rejection.”

Samantha felt her eyes well up again. “I know it’s stupid, but

it feels like she rejected everything. Like none of it ever mattered,

and I feel like a dumbass for holding her in my heart all this

time.”

“Get pissed, get laid, and get over it,” Alan said succinctly.

“I know we have to dress alike for work, but in case you

haven’t noticed, I don’t have that appendage that you men tend

to think with. Waving that magic wand is not going to work for

me.”“Then quit hiding and come out with me and Aleta. We’ll fish

and water-ski and do whatever you need to take your mind off of

her. And then you can go get laid.”

Samantha laughed through her tears. “You’re still a dick, but

I love ya.”

Alan cuffed her on the arm. “That makes me feel special. I’m

the only dick you’re gonna ever love.”

Alan and Aleta made it their mission to keep Samantha busy.

If she didn’t answer their calls, they were on her doorstep within

the hour. Samantha spent more time in their boat in those three

months than she did in the last five years that she worked with

Alan.

She stopped avoiding David’s calls, as well, and told him

everything that happened. Though he seemed heartbroken that

things didn’t work out between her and Jennifer, he was happy

to hear that Samantha had begun dating a co-worker. He eagerly

listened as Samantha told him about Rhonda Theriot. She

and Rhonda had worked together for a few years in separate

departments. They’d flirted on occasion, but Samantha was

pleasantly surprised that Rhonda had accepted her invitation to

dinner. They’d gone on a handful of dates, and Samantha had

enjoyed the company. Rhonda’s carefree and noncommittal

attitude was exactly what she needed to get back into living, and

David agreed.

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Chapter 21

Samantha felt her pulse quicken as she stood on the doorstep

with a bottle of wine tucked under her arm. The look in Rhonda’s

green eyes as she opened the door stirred something in her that

had lain dormant. Rhonda smiled as she tugged her free hand,

leading her inside. “You pick the movie, and I’ll serve dinner.”

Rhonda motioned toward a pile of DVDs on the coffee table.

Samantha was pleased with the selection. She chose the

latest horror flick over two romantic comedies. Rhonda returned

shortly after with two plates that she set on the coffee table as she

opened the wine.

“I see you’ve opted for the scary stuff,” Rhonda said with a

grin as she tucked a long blond strand behind her ear. “You better

sit close.”

Samantha returned the grin. “I was hoping that would be the

case.”

Rhonda poured the wine and took a seat on the sofa next to

Samantha. “I have to warn you about my spaghetti—it’s addictive.

At least that’s what I’ve been told.”

“So if I show up on your doorstep begging for it, you won’t

turn me away?”

Rhonda gave Samantha a look that made her knees weak.

“You won’t have to beg.”

Samantha cleared her throat and took a sip of her wine. She

was fairly certain at that point that she would not be leaving until

daylight.

Rhonda carefully rolled the pasta onto her fork and offered

it to Samantha. “You like?” she asked with a pleased smile when

Samantha groaned.

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“Very much, if that wasn’t obvious.” Samantha wiped her

mouth on her napkin.

“I heard you were very busy last night,” Rhonda said as she

sipped her wine. “Both docks loaded something like four barges

apiece.”

“Yeah, there was no time for coffee in the dock shed. I slept

like a dog today.”

Rhonda smiled. “Good, then I won’t have to worry about you

falling asleep on me.”

Samantha felt her face color. “I’m never going to live that

down, am I?”

“You know I’m teasing you. If I had just come off of a string

of six day shifts, I would’ve fallen asleep during that movie, too.”

Rhonda pulled her long legs up onto the sofa and sat Indian style

with her plate balanced on her legs. “Why do you work so much

overtime?”

Samantha chewed a bite and swallowed. It’d been a while

since she’d enjoyed a home-cooked meal. Because she didn’t have

a life other than Alan and Aleta, but she wasn’t going to admit

that. “Because it’s available, and with my next paycheck, I’ll pay

my truck off.”

“Got your shit together, that’s good. Maybe your ways will

rub off on me,” Rhonda said with a smile. She twirled another

strand of pasta onto her fork and slid it into Samantha’s mouth.

“Are you going to feed me all your food and expect me to eat

all of mine?” Samantha asked after she swallowed.

“You’re too thin,” Rhonda said with a wink. “Alan told me

that you eat nothing but fruit and potato chips when you’re on

shift. And since you’re always at work, I figure you don’t eat

much at all.”

“Alan lies. His wife cooks for both of us, so I eat well. Thanks

for wanting to take care of me, though.”

“All my pleasure.” Rhonda picked up the remote and started

the movie that played while they finished dinner.

That was another thing that Samantha found appealing about

Rhonda. They talked about work and gossiped about people they

worked with, but Rhonda didn’t pry into her life much. Nor did

Undeniable

Samantha ask much about Rhonda’s past or what she expected of

her. They took things day by day.

Rhonda curled up next to Samantha after she put the dishes

away and grazed her fingertips across the back of her neck,

causing goose bumps to rise on her skin. “Sensitive there, are

you?” she asked when Samantha softly groaned.

Every part of Samantha’s body was sensitive to her touch.

It’d been a year since she’d slept with anyone, and the smallest

provocation caused a reaction. Rhonda leaned over and kissed the

back of Samantha’s neck.

“You know what you’re doing to me, right?” Samantha asked

as her eyelids fluttered. “If you want to see the end of this movie,

you’ll have to move to the other end of the couch.”

Rhonda picked up the remote and turned the movie off.

“What movie?”

Samantha smiled as she met Rhonda’s lips with her own. The

kiss was intended to be gentle, but the heat that ignited between

them made it anything but.

“Come with me.” Rhonda pulled away breathless.

Samantha took her hand and followed her to the bedroom.

Clothing was torn away in their haste to get to each other. Samantha

heard her keys fall to the floor, and her cell phone followed with

a thump. Rhonda’s hands and mouth were roaming the upper part

of Samantha’s body before they ever made it to the bed.

A struggle for dominance ensued until Samantha was able

to push Rhonda’s arms above her head. “Stay still, and I promise

you’ll enjoy it,” Samantha whispered against Rhonda’s hot skin.

“I doubt that I’ll be able to keep still.” Rhonda wove her

hands into Samantha’s hair and pushed her lower. “And I know

I’m going to enjoy it.”

Samantha teased relentlessly until Rhonda was panting. She

squirmed and writhed beneath the string of kisses and nibbles

that Samantha trailed down her body. Her breath came out in a

huff when Samantha dipped her tongue between her legs.

“I’ll go insane if you tease me any longer.”

“Insane” was exactly what Samantha would’ve used to

describe Rhonda’s reaction when her tongue grazed the most

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sensitive part of Rhonda’s body, and it thrilled her in way that

she’d forgotten. She’d brought Rhonda to orgasm twice before she

was pushed away.

Samantha grinned as she kissed her way back up to Rhonda’s

mouth. From the way Rhonda responded to her touch, she knew

that she’d have a lot more to give, and they’d only just begun.

Rhonda grabbed the hair at the base of Samantha’s neck and

pulled her roughly into a kiss as her fingertips trailed down

Samantha’s stomach.

Samantha heard the chirp that her cell phone made when

she received a text message. “Your phone just made a noise. Do

you need to get it?” Rhonda asked but made no move to release

her. “What phone?” Samantha asked as Rhonda’s fingers slid

between her legs.

Rhonda lay sleeping when Samantha got up and went into the

bathroom. She grabbed her phone on the way. She rarely got text

messages, especially at that time of night. She idly wondered if

someone from work needed her to cover a shift. With Rhonda’s

scent covering her skin, Samantha was ready to turn down

whatever overtime was being offered.

I want to talk to you.

Samantha blinked at the screen and read it again. Until that

moment, she was looking forward to crawling back into bed with

Rhonda. She leaned her head against the cool porcelain of the

sink. Why now? she wondered. She knew she wouldn’t sleep. She

also knew that she couldn’t get back into Rhonda’s bed while her

mind was on Jennifer.

Samantha cursed under her breath as she went to find her

clothes. “I have to go,” she whispered as she sat on the bed and

stroked the blond locks from Rhonda’s face.

“Is something wrong?” Rhonda asked sleepily as she sat up.

“No, I enjoyed tonight,” Samantha assured her. “I have to

take care of something, unfortunately.”

“I suppose it can’t wait?” Rhonda asked, sounding

disappointed.

Undeniable

“No, but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

Rhonda nodded, seemingly resigned. “I’ll walk you out.”

Samantha gently pushed her down onto the bed with a kiss.

“Don’t get up, I’ll find my way.” She pulled the blankets back

over Rhonda and kissed her once more before leaving.

The cool September morning woke Samantha fully as she

climbed into her truck. Aggravation washed over her as she pulled

onto the road. She’d finally met someone she thought she might

consider more than a fling, and Jennifer had resurfaced.

“Shit, shit shit.” Samantha pounded the steering wheel. She

hated that a one-line message could stop her in her tracks.

Samantha tossed her phone onto the kitchen table as she

rummaged around in the refrigerator for a bottle of water. She

took a long swig before she sat and looked at the phone again.

It was one in the morning. She wondered if Jennifer was asleep

now. “Fuck it,” she said as she punched in her response.

Talk about what?

She laid the phone down and took another drink. Jennifer’s

reply was immediate.

Can we meet? I’d rather do this in person.

“Do what?” Samantha said as she reread the message. She

typed the same response.

Talk.

Jennifer wasn’t going to make this easy.

I don’t know about this. Samantha typed. I’m not sure I’m

comfortable with rehashing everything again.

This time, Jennifer’s response didn’t come as quickly, and

Samantha wondered if the conversation was over. She waited a

while longer and was about to go out onto the porch where she

could think.

You can bring a bat popped up on her screen.

Samantha sighed, exasperated.

Where and when?

Jennifer’s response was immediate. Tomorrow at noon,

Tickfaw State Park.

All right, see you then. Samantha got up and put her phone on

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charge, then plopped down on her porch swing. Rhonda’s scent

was still on her skin, and she was meeting Jennifer in less than

twelve hours.

Undeniable

Chapter 22

Jennifer left her apartment a lot earlier than she needed to.

The summer had been hell. What she thought was going to be

an amicable split had turned out to be a long and drawn-out

process. She had finally gotten Jackie to admit that their mother

had been talking to Avery. Incensed, she had gone to the house

and confronted him.

“You have me in a rough spot,” he complained. “Your mom is

over here daily wanting to know if I’ve talked you into marriage

counseling. I’ve been riding it out in hopes that she will just give

up.” He looked at her, frustration showing clearly on his face. “I

live next door. There’s not much I can do to escape her.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll go and talk to her.”

Avery dropped on the couch and propped his socked feet on

the coffee table. “You’ll be wasting your breath. I’m thinking

about selling the house. Actually, I’ve already called a real estate

agent.”

Jennifer looked around the place that she’d spent most of her

adult life. It hurt to think of someone else living there, but she

no longer had ties to it and couldn’t expect Avery to remain if he

didn’t feel comfortable. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“It only appraised just shy of two hundred thousand. The

market really sucks. Can you wait until it sells for me to give you

your share? If not, I can give you fifty thousand, maybe a little

less.”“I can wait.” Jennifer took a seat in the old recliner. “I’m

sorry, Avery.”

He waved her off. “Don’t be. We knew this was coming. I just

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knew that it was going to be like this, and I didn’t want to have

to rock the boat. I’ll talk to my lawyer. We can probably have the

divorce finalized in two weeks.”

It was Michelle who finally convinced Jennifer to contact

Samantha since the divorce was imminent, though she had not

crossed the final hurdle and told her parents that she was gay.

“Let the divorce be finalized, then drop that bomb,” Michelle had

said. “If they know beforehand, they’ll fight even harder to stop

it.” Michelle was right.

Jennifer drove straight to the park and got out of her car. She

took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of pine. It reminded her of

the times that she and Samantha would sneak off to the creek to

be alone. They’d never made love at the creek; instead they would

sit for hours on the sandy bank planning their life together. A

wonderful dream they had once shared. She hoped that maybe

there might still be some life in that dream.

She had no idea what she was going to say to Samantha. The

message she’d sent had been on impulse after a night of margaritas

with Michelle before she lost her nerve. With the sun on her face,

she dared to wonder what it would feel like to be in Samantha’s

arms again. What it would be like to taste her skin, her lips. But

when she heard a car door slam and saw Samantha standing with

her hands in her pockets and the perturbed look on her face, she

wondered if that would even be a possibility.

“You’re early,” Jennifer said as she timidly approached.

Samantha shrugged. “I came out to walk around, clear my

head. Apparently, you had the same idea.”

Jennifer smiled. It was funny in an odd sort of way that they

still did a lot of the same things. “Thank you for coming,” she

said awkwardly.

“What’s on your mind, Jen?”

Jennifer scuffed at the ground with her shoe and shrugged. “I

dunno really.” She looked at the way Samantha stood stock-still,

her expression blank, and felt even more nervous. “I’ve just been

thinking about a lot of things since we last talked.”

“What kinds of things?”

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“I think…I want to get to know you again,” Jennifer said,

knowing that Samantha picked up on her nervousness.

Samantha shook her head and looked away. “That’s probably

not a good idea for me.” She scrubbed at her face. “We both agreed

we can’t be friends.”

“I’m not asking you to marry me, Sam, I—”

“You can’t,” Samantha shot back. “You’re already married.”

“I’ve filed for divorce.” Jennifer watched as all expression

dropped from Samantha’s face. “It’s been a bit stony, but it’ll be

final soon.”

“I’m sorry.” Samantha looked down at the ground.

“Are you? Or is that something you feel like you’re supposed

to say?”

Samantha looked around, avoiding her gaze. “I’m sure it

hasn’t been easy for you. I guess that’s what I mean.”

An awkward silence passed between them. “It’s a nice day,”

Jennifer spoke up. “Take a walk with me?”

Samantha nodded and moved in step beside her. “What are

you doing now? I mean, didn’t you own a business together?”

“He’s buying me out. We’re splitting everything down the

middle. But what you’re really asking is if I still live at home with

him.”Samantha shook her head with a rueful smile. “You still read

me pretty well.”

“I rented an apartment in Baton Rouge not long after Tim’s

memorial.”

Samantha’s step faltered. Something between anger and

confusion showed as she glanced at Jennifer. “What about work?”

she asked as she kicked at a pinecone.

“I’m living off my savings, supplementing with a part-time

job.” Jennifer kicked at the same pinecone as it rolled in front of

her. “How’s David? Have you talked to him?”

“A couple of times. He seems to be doing okay.”

“I suppose he’s not dating yet?” Jennifer asked.

Samantha shook her head. “No. Tim was his life. It’ll be a

long time before he’s ready to let someone back in.”

“I imagine Tim’s tiny shoes would be hard to fill.”

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Samantha laughed. “He did have the smallest, most dainty feet

for a man. Remember how we used to tease him about that?”

“That and his inability to grow a beard.”

“Oh, that was a bone of contention,” Samantha said with a

smile. “If he was getting the best of me, I’d bring it up, and he’d

get so pissed.”

Jennifer felt some of the tension between them melt away.

“How did he and David meet?”

“By accident. Tim rear-ended him one night when leaving

a bar. No pun intended. They exchanged information for the

insurance claim, and David called him the next day. They were

always together after that.”

“Men move rather quickly, don’t they?” Jennifer said.

“Women too. You’ve heard the U-Haul joke, I’m sure.”

Jennifer shook her head. “No, I haven’t.”

“Two women go out on their first date, and the next day, one

of them is packing up a van and moving in.”

Jennifer poked Samantha in the ribs. “So what you’re telling

me is that you’ve had the U-Haul experience?”

“No,” Samantha said seriously. “I’ve stayed at someone’s

house, but I never gave up my own place. A couple of women

have stayed with me, too, but it was always understood that we

weren’t officially living together.”

“How many women…have you…?”

Samantha stopped and looked at Jennifer. “Do you really

want the answer to that question?”

“I asked.”

Samantha resumed their walk. “Including you, fifteen.”

It was Jennifer’s turn to halt. “Fifteen?” she repeated. “You’ve

slept with fifteen women?”

Samantha stopped a few steps ahead of Jennifer but didn’t

turn to face her. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer

to.” Jennifer knew it shouldn’t have bothered her, but it did. She

was a fool to think that Samantha had spent all the years alone.

“How many have you slept with?” Samantha asked as she

turned to face her.

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“You were the only one,” Jennifer said.

“And how many men?”

“One.”

“Are you telling me that you never slept with Dale Sanders?”

“No, I didn’t,” Jennifer said with her hands on her hips.

“You lied to me.” Samantha moved close enough to invade

Jennifer’s space. “What was all that ‘I’m normal now, I know

what I’ve been missing’ talk?”

Jennifer jutted her chin out defiantly, refusing to show

intimidation in the face of Samantha’s anger. “Yes, I lied. I was

pissed at you and hurt. I wanted to hurt you, too. That’s how

teenagers behave when they’re crushed.”

Samantha stared at her incredulously. “Well, you damn well

did.”“You were pretty nasty then yourself. I saw you on the

ball field. Every time Dale looked your way, you shot him the

finger.”

“What did you see in that little prick anyway?” Samantha

asked as she took a step back.

“Nothing.” Jennifer folded her arms across her chest. “I was

too caught up in missing you.”

“Then why did you act the way you did that night?” Samantha

threw her hands up in frustration. “I was trying—”

“I was just as stupid as you were then.”

Samantha exhaled loudly and turned. She moved toward a

bench and sat down.

“We were kids.” Jennifer took a seat beside her. “We played

kid games. I would’ve never done that if I had any idea what the

end result would be.”

“I deserved it after what I did,” Samantha said, staring off

into the woods.

“I don’t think I would have ever let you go,” Jennifer said

quietly. “I haven’t let you go, really. I just refused to accept it until

I saw you again.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me that the last time we talked?”

“Because I was scared, and you wouldn’t tell me how you

felt.” Jennifer looked over at Samantha. “You said you didn’t have

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feelings for me anymore. I was scared to death to ask you to meet

me today.”

Samantha met her gaze. “We really haven’t grown up in some

ways. I thought you were waiting for me to admit that I still cared,

so you could…”

“So I could treat you like I did that time with Dale.” Jennifer

shook her head. “I wouldn’t have done that even if I didn’t have

feelings for you. And you’re right, in some ways, we’re still so

juvenile. But I still have feelings for you.”

“You can’t say that and mean it. A lifetime has passed between

us. We’re not the same people anymore.” Samantha looked away.

“Yes, I can,” Jennifer said resolutely. “I’ve only ever been truly

in love once, and it wasn’t with Avery. Look at me, Samantha.”

Samantha sat up straight and stared out into the woods for a

moment before she slowly met Jennifer’s gaze. Her gray-blue eyes

were wide, reflecting fear, vulnerability.

“I stayed in that marriage because I’d lost you. It was safe,

and I could hide my heart away. I’ve tried to put you out of my

mind for over twenty years now. You may think that’s silly, but

my heart only ever belonged to you.”

Samantha swallowed hard and looked away. “I used to dream

of hearing you say that, but now that it’s real, I can’t make myself

believe it.”

Jennifer leaned back on the table, feeling defeated. “Well, it’s

out there now, and I can’t and won’t take it back. I don’t really

know what I’m asking of you, but the ball is in your court now.”

“What does that mean? You don’t know what you’re asking

of me?”

Jennifer wasn’t sure what this meeting would lead to, but she

had not intended to lay her feelings bare. She felt foolish for being

so honest so soon. “I have no idea,” she said as she dropped her

hands into her lap.

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Chapter 23

Samantha’s head swam as she sat on the bench staring off

into the woods. Jennifer sat quietly beside her kicking at the dirt.

This was insane. “Insane.” That reminded her of Rhonda. How

would she explain this to her? She’d finally met someone she had

some interest in and what now? Throw it all away on a chance

that she and Jennifer might be able to begin again? Yes. “David

has asked me to come for a visit. I think he wants some company.

Come with me.”

Jennifer looked as stunned as Samantha felt for blurting out

the invitation.

“When?”

Samantha rubbed at the tension in the back of her neck. “I

have to work my next two day shifts starting tomorrow. Then I’ll

be off for a few days. I can ask for a couple of vacation days after

that.”Jennifer crossed her arms as she thought.

Samantha regretted her impulsivity, thinking she should’ve

asked her to dinner instead.

Jennifer nodded. “Okay.”

Surprised by the response, Samantha said, “Don’t agree to

it because you feel like you have to. I know I’ve put you on the

spot.”

“I think it’s a great idea…if you really want me to go,” Jennifer

said. “It’ll give us a chance to know each other again.”

They parted awkwardly, neither knowing what else to say.

Samantha took down Jennifer’s address, and they agreed that she

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would pick Jennifer up on Saturday morning at eight. Samantha

felt like she was in a daze as she stood there watching Jennifer

get into her car.

“If you change your mind about this, call me,” Samantha

said.“If you promise that you’ll do the same.” That was the last

thing Jennifer said before she drove away.

Samantha drove toward home at a snail’s pace. She wasn’t

sure what troubled her more—the impending talk she would have

with Rhonda or her knee-jerk invitation for Jennifer to join her on

the trip. She had planned on going to see David, but not this soon

and certainly not with Jennifer.

On one hand, she was looking forward to the time she and

Jennifer would have together. On the other, she was mystified by

Jennifer’s behavior. In six months’ time, she had gone from being

married to…what? Did she consider herself gay? Or was she going

through some sort of midlife crisis and wanted Samantha to join

her for the ride? And what the hell was she doing? She’d spent the

summer trying to forget Jennifer and now she was throwing the

door wide open.

Samantha picked up her phone and dialed Rhonda’s number.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Rhonda said when she answered

on the second ring.

“Yeah, can I come by?” Samantha asked as she accelerated.

“Sure,” Rhonda said, but there was something in her voice that

made Samantha suspect that Rhonda knew what was coming.

“Hi,” Rhonda said when she opened the door, and Samantha

stepped inside. “I’ve got a pot of coffee on. Join me?” She turned

and walked into the kitchen with Samantha trailing behind.

Samantha took a seat at the table and fidgeted with her phone

while Rhonda filled two cups. “Do you remember a while back

when I had to take some time off work because a friend of mine

passed away?”

“Uh-huh.” Rhonda joined her and slid a cup in Samantha’s

direction.

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“His partner has invited me to visit him in Florida. He needs

some company.”

“I imagine he does. You mentioned once that they were

together a long time.” Rhonda spooned sugar into her coffee.

Samantha stared down at her cup. “I’m gonna go after my

shift this week, and…my ex is going with me.”

“I see,” Rhonda said with a nod. She took a sip and to

Samantha’s surprise smiled. “I’m not upset with you if that’s what

you’re worried about.”

“After last night…” Samantha began.

Rhonda reached over and put a hand on Samantha’s arm.

“I enjoyed last night, I really did. But I’ve been with enough

women to spot someone—forgive me, I can tell when someone

is…damaged. Well, struggling with a lot is probably a better

description.”

Samantha smiled and met her eyes for a second. “I thought I

was through with all my struggles. I guess I was wrong.”

Rhonda gave Samantha’s arm a squeeze, then released her.

“I knew what we had was going to be temporary. Although, I did

think we’d have a bit more time than we did. We were helping

each other through a rough spot, but that’s all it was going to

amount to.”

“I guess I didn’t realize that you were dealing with your own

issues, too,” Samantha admitted with a degree of guilt. “I must’ve

been too self-absorbed to notice.”

“Do you know Mandy who works in the dry cargo

department?”

“I’ve seen her around, but we’ve never talked.”

“We were together for three years. We broke up a couple

of months ago.” Rhonda added another spoon of sugar to her

coffee.

“I had no idea.”

“No one did,” Rhonda said with a shake of her head. “Half

of her family works at the plant, and she’s not out. I got tired of

having to keep everything hidden.” Rhonda sighed. “I think, well

I hope, we’ll get back together, but she’s going to have to make

some decisions first.”

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“I’m relieved and a little sad.” Samantha ran her fingers

through her hair and took a sip of coffee. “I really like you. I

guess the timing is just bad for both of us.”

“Tell me about this ex of yours. Do you think reconciliation

is in your future?”

Samantha felt a rueful smile tug at her lips. “I have no idea.

There was a time I would’ve been thrilled to have her back in my

life, but now…I just don’t know.”

“As lame and cliché as it sounds, only time will tell. I say take

the opportunity and see where it leads because frankly, that’s the

only way any of us knows for sure.”

Samantha stood and rinsed her cup in the sink. “Thank you

for the coffee and thank you for being a friend.”

“You didn’t drink much,” Rhonda said as she looked over her

shoulder. “Was it too strong?”

Samantha leaned down and kissed Rhonda’s brow. “I have a

row of hair growing up my spine thanks to your brew.”

Jennifer never did call and say that she’d changed her mind

about going on the trip. They’d not spoken at all since the day in

the park. Samantha didn’t know what to make of that. Then again,

she could’ve picked up the phone, too, but there was a small part

of her that was afraid that Jennifer would use that opportunity to

back out.

As she loaded her things into the truck, she thought back

on the phone call she had with David when she told him of her

plans and that Jennifer would be coming along. He didn’t seemed

surprised, more like amused. “I knew it,” he said with a laugh.

“The pull between you is undeniable.”

As she drove, Samantha marveled at the penchant Tim had for

being able to recall all the innocuous details of their adventures.

“Don’t you remember that Fourth of July when we went to see

the fireworks on the river? You wore flip-flops and cut your foot

on a bottle. Me and Jennifer nearly had to carry you back to the

car. Jennifer wore those cut-off jean shorts that you couldn’t keep

your eyes off of.”

She wished she had Tim’s ability now. As Alan had said,

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memories were never truly accurate. For a time, all she could

remember were the sweetest moments that she’d shared with

Jennifer. But after seeing her again, most were of the painful time

surrounding their breakup. She’d clung to that pain like a life raft,

and now she wasn’t sure she could let go of it.

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Chapter 24

Jennifer shoved a stack of magazines into her kitchen cabinet

after running out of places to hide the junk that she’d left strewn

about. She no longer had to cook or clean for anyone but herself

and took full advantage. She remembered how Samantha always

kept her bedroom tidy without being hounded by her mother like

she had and moved faster to clean up her place. A knock on her

front door said it was too late.

Jennifer glanced nervously at herself in the mirror before she

opened the door. “Still very punctual, I see.”

“You’re dressed.” Samantha smiled as she stepped inside. “I

half expected to find you still in your robe.”

Jennifer wrinkled her nose. “And you’re still a smart-ass.

Some things never change.”

“It’s a gift.” Samantha looked around the small living room.

“Are you ready to load up?”

“Yes. I just have to get my bags from the bedroom.”

“Need help?” Samantha asked as Jennifer rounded the

corner.

“Nope, I’ll be back in a second.” Jennifer rifled through her

closet. If Samantha noticed that they were wearing nearly the

same thing, she didn’t let on. She pulled the hunter green henley

over her head and tossed it on the floor, deciding on a white long-

sleeved T-shirt instead.

When Jennifer walked back into the living room, she found

Samantha staring at a photo she’d planned to frame. “Your

parents, they’ve grown up.”

“You mean grown old,” Jennifer corrected as she came to

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stand beside Samantha. “I took that last year on Mom’s seventy-

fifth birthday.”

Samantha gazed at the picture for a moment longer. “I guess

that I forgot they were a good bit older than my folks.” Samantha

picked up another picture and glanced at Jennifer. “Who is this?”

“That would be Avery.” Jennifer looked at the image staring

back at them from the bank of the river he was fishing. His

untrimmed blond hair poked out beneath the ratty ball cap that he

was always fond of wearing.

“Oh.” Samantha laid it back on the bookshelf. “Always did

have a thing for blonds, didn’t you?” she said with a smile.

“Never really thought about it.” Jennifer hoisted a bag over

her shoulder. That wasn’t exactly the truth. The one thing that

attracted her to Avery was that he favored the country singer

Alan Jackson. Aside from the fact that he and Samantha shared

the same last name, they sort of favored, too.

“I’ll take that,” Samantha said as she took the larger of the

two bags from Jennifer’s hand. “I hope you packed a swimsuit.

Miami is still warm this time of year.”

Jennifer followed behind Samantha, pausing to lock her door.

“I did not. If I get wet, it won’t be in a swimsuit.” Jennifer’s face

colored when Samantha turned to look at her.

“You didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” she said with a

grin.Jennifer covered her mouth and shook her head.

“I can share some of the driving if you want me to,” Jennifer

said as they merged onto the interstate.

“I’ll take you up on that. If we don’t stop for the night, I’ll

need a break.”

Jennifer reached over and picked up Samantha’s iPod off the

console. “Nine Inch Nails, Josh Groban. Wow, what an eclectic

mix. Cher?” she said with a grin.

“I like her,” Samantha said with an embarrassed smile.

Jennifer tabbed through the song list. “Ah, the old classics,

Journey, Boston, and wow, Judas Priest. Haven’t heard them in a

long time.”

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“We saw them in concert twice. Remember?”

“Yep.” Jennifer nodded. “You bought me a T-shirt at both

shows. My wardrobe consisted mostly of them.” Jennifer laughed

as she replaced the iPod. “Do you remember what happened to

your T-shirt after we saw Foghat?”

“I caught it on fire.”

“You had a whole pack of bottle rockets in your back pocket.

I saw you ignite them when you reached back to throw one, but

I couldn’t get to you fast enough,” Jennifer said between fits of

laughter.

“It was tiny-footed Tim to the rescue.” Samantha rolled her

eyes. “I dropped to the ground, trying to roll, but the rockets kept

exploding against my back. I ended up on my stomach with Tim

stomping the shit out of me and the bottle rockets.”

Jennifer nodded. “Torched that shirt.”

“That was high fashion in those days, along with those

moccasin boots you used to wear.”

Jennifer shot her a wistful smile. “They disappeared after

vacation one summer. Mom claimed that I forgot them, but I

think she tossed them in the trash. I was pissed.”

“Our mothers hated the way we dressed. Actually, my mom

probably still despises my wardrobe.” Samantha patted her jeans-

clad leg. “Nowadays, it’s either jeans or shorts or Nomex when

I’m at work.”

“Do you still own a dress?”

“No.”

“And now you live in a swamp like Shrek,” Jennifer said.

“Yes, but I don’t look or smell like an ogre.”

Jennifer shrugged. “If you say so.”

Samantha shot her a glance. “Okay, you can be Donkey.”

Jennifer threw back her head and laughed. “If this is any

indication of how this trip is going to be, we’re gonna have a good

time.”

“I think David will enjoy the banter,” Samantha said seriously.

“He’s starved for company.”

“Is he okay with me coming along?”

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“Yes, very much so. He’s looking forward to spending time

with you. He said that.”

“I want to get to know the man Tim shared his life with.”

Jennifer looked out her window. “Hear about who Tim was as

an adult.” Jennifer glanced over and met Samantha’s eyes for a

moment. “I regret so much that we lost touch.”

“I miss him, too,” Samantha said with a hitch in her voice. “We

didn’t see each other often, but I always knew he was there.”

They grew quiet for a while, both lost in their thoughts of Tim.

Jennifer watched the terrain fly by out her window. It seemed

surreal that she was riding with Samantha on the same route that

they’d taken when they ran away from home. The three of them

huddled together in the front of that old van quietly came to terms

with what they’d done.

Tim chattered nervously as he looked at the map. He’d wanted

to go to South Carolina. Samantha wanted to go all the way up the

eastern seaboard. Jennifer didn’t care where they went as long as

she was with them. She loved her family, hated that her departure

in the early hours of the morning would devastate them, but she

was with the two people who mattered most.

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Chapter 25

“Need a bathroom break?” Samantha asked when they

crossed the state line into Mississippi.

“I’m good for now,” Jennifer said around a yawn. She looked

at the Mississippi welcome center through the trees and smiled. “I

guess we should’ve stopped there, for old times’ sake at least.”

“That’s true, we did stop there the night we ran away. Feels

kind of weird.”

“Yeah, it brings back a lot of memories.” Jennifer thought

back to that night.

Tim took the wheel after they’d stopped, and she and

Samantha crawled into the back of the van to sleep but didn’t.

They’d only seen each other at school, and an occasional brush

in the hallway was the only physical contact they’d had in a while

after Samantha’s mother had discovered their relationship and

banned them from seeing each other.

They lay together on the carpeted floor, a blanket their

only privacy. Tim must’ve suspected that something was going

on and turned up the radio. Making love was the furthest thing

from Jennifer’s mind. Since leaving home through her bedroom

window, her stomach had been in knots, but one tender kiss

stirred her desire.

She knew Samantha’s nerves were as frazzled as hers.

Samantha had kissed her, then pul ed Jennifer to lay with her

head on her shoulder. Samantha’s fingertips grazed her back in

a comforting way, but Jennifer’s hands had other intentions. She

slid one underneath Samantha’s shirt and ran her fingers over

her stomach. She felt Samantha come alive beneath her touch.

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“Tim will hear us,” Samantha whispered.

“Not over Led Zeppelin,” Jennifer said before covering

Samantha’s mouth with her own. She loved that Samantha had

no restraint when it came to her. Samantha was a slave to her will

as she moved her hand under the waistband of her gym shorts.

“Are you hungry?” Samantha asked, tearing Jennifer from

her thoughts. God help her, yes, she was starving for the intimacy

she’d known long ago. She’d spent twenty years with an all-

consuming desire that could not be quenched.

“No,” Jennifer said, surprised at the raspiness of her voice. “I

had breakfast.”

“I know a great place to stop for lunch in Pensacola,” Samantha

said. “Think your breakfast will hold until then?”

“Yep, I’ll be fine.”

“If you want anything to drink, just let me know and I’ll

stop.” Samantha looked over and smiled. “We’re not really in any

hurry, so if you need a bathroom break, speak up.”

“Do you think we’ll be driving straight through?” Jennifer

knew it was kind of selfish to feel the way she did. David was

expecting them, but she wanted as much alone time as she could

get with Samantha.

“I’ve been thinking about that, too. If you have no objections,

I think we might stop for the night. If we drive straight through,

we’ll get there in the morning, then we’ll just end up going to

bed. Maybe it’ll be better if we rest and go the rest of the way

tomorrow.”

“That plan suits me just fine,” Jennifer said, looking out her

window with a pleased smile.

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Chapter 26

Samantha exited the interstate not long after crossing the

Florida state line. The last time she’d made this trip, a severe

thunderstorm had forced her to take a break. She’d taken refuge

in a small family-owned diner and hoped it was still there. “Are

you hungry yet because I’m headed to a place that has some great

country cooking unless you’d prefer fast food instead.”

Jennifer stretched in her seat. “I’m all for stopping. My ass

is numb.”

As they walked in, they were quickly ushered to a booth.

The waitress was poised to take their drink orders before they

sat down. She looked at Jennifer first. “What can I get you,

hon?”

“Do you have sweet tea?” Jennifer asked.

“Sure do.” The waitress then turned her attention to Samantha.

“What can I get you, baby?”

Samantha smiled back up at her. “I’ll have the same.”

“I think she was flirting with you,” Jennifer said with a

teasing grin after the waitress walked away.

Samantha glanced up from her menu and watched as the

waitress stopped at another table. “She’s treating those guys over

there the same way, and she’s not pinging my gaydar. You know

what that is, right?” she said in the same teasing tone.

Jennifer made a face. “I haven’t been living under a rock.”

“I’m…glad you agreed to come along,” Samantha said from

behind her menu.

“I am, too. I haven’t been out of Louisiana in a long time.”

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The waitress came back with their drinks and took their

orders. Samantha found herself curious. “Did you and Avery

travel much?”

Jennifer rubbed the back of her neck. “He liked to race bikes

when we were first married. We traveled to a lot of motorcycle

tracks, mostly in Texas, where he competed. Then when we

started the business, we didn’t have a lot of free time.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

Jennifer shrugged. “At first, it was kind of exciting. The thrill

of the race and all, but it got monotonous.”

“Did you do things that you liked to do, too? And what exactly

are those things aside from what you’ve already told me?”

“I like to fish, and I enjoy live music, dancing, that sort of

thing. We did both for a while, but…” Jennifer was silent for a

moment or two. “We just stopped. What are your hobbies?”

“Dad got me into woodworking,” Samantha said. “We built

all the cabinets and bookcases for my house.” She leaned back

when the waitress returned with their food and continued when

the waitress left the table. “I like to go out dancing every now and

then, too.”

Jennifer paused just before plunging a forkful of mashed

potatoes into her mouth. “You dance?”

“I do, and I’m pretty good at it,” Samantha said with a cocky

smile.

Jennifer took another bite and swallowed. “Maybe David can

take us out to a club. I’d like to see your skills.”

The muscles in Samantha’s stomach spasmed as she envisioned

being on the dance floor with Jennifer. She cleared her throat.

“David would probably enjoy a night out on the town.”

“We’ve never danced together,” Jennifer said as if reading

her mind.

“Oh, we danced, it was just horizontally.” The words were

out of Samantha’s mouth before she could stop them. She glanced

nervously at Jennifer, who stared at her as a blush crept up her

neck.“Sorry.” Samantha wiped her mouth on her napkin and looked

away. “Me and the guys at work take turns shocking one another.

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Sometimes, I forget to censor myself when I’m not around them,”

Samantha said apologetically.

“It’s true, though, isn’t it? We went at each other every chance

we got.” Jennifer met her gaze.

Samantha felt a flash of arousal when she saw the look in

Jennifer’s eyes. It was a feeling she could not afford to dwell on. It

was difficult enough just being near Jennifer. “To teenage libido.”

She lifted her glass and took a sip. Jennifer looked away then.

After they’d eaten, Jennifer excused herself and went into the

bathroom. Though Samantha knew she shouldn’t, she watched

her go. So did a few of the men. Jennifer had always attracted

attention without even trying. As a teen, she never seemed to go

through an awkward stage. She’d always been beautiful and still

was.Samantha leaned back in the booth and exhaled, thinking

back on the time at the creek when Tim encouraged Jennifer to

share a secret that she’d only until then shared with him. Samantha

remembered the jealousy it sparked that they knew something

she didn’t. She was on her way to being downright angry when

Jennifer told Tim that he could tell her.

“Jennifer has a huge crush on someone,” he said with a grin.

“She’s too chicken shit to say it.”

Samantha tried to pretend that she didn’t care. She shrugged

and tossed a rock into the water, dreading to hear what would

come next.

“Don’t you wanna know?” Tim asked with a wide smile.

“Who is it? Mr. Burgan?” Samantha knew that Jennifer

despised the gym teacher who ran them endlessly around the

track during P.E., while he flirted with Miss Cress, the other gym

teacher.

“Ick, no,” Jennifer said, cuffing her on the arm. “It’s…”

“Say it, say it,” Tim goaded her on.

Jennifer timidly met her gaze. “It’s you,” she said as her face

colored.

Samantha sat in stunned silence as she stared at Jennifer,

who surprisingly didn’t look away.

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Tim stood and brushed sand from his cutoffs. “I’m going

back to get my bike. Sam has a crush on you, too, Jen,” he said as

he sprinted away laughing.

Samantha jumped to her feet and threw a stick at him as he

ran up the trail. She walked to the water’s edge and waded in ankle

deep. It was true. She’d developed a crush on Jennifer almost as

soon as they had met, and she had sworn Tim to secrecy. She

never once dreamed that Jennifer would share the same feelings,

though she’d hoped. Jennifer had a flock of boys who competed

for her attention. Samantha knew it was only a matter of time

before she’d decide on one of them and break her hopeful heart.

“Is that true, what Tim said?” Jennifer asked, coming to

stand beside her.

Samantha couldn’t face her. “Is it true what he said about

you, or was he just screwing with me?”

“I asked you first.” Jennifer moved in Samantha’s line of

vision.

Samantha nodded and looked down, afraid that it had all

been a mean joke.

“I think it’s more than a crush.” Jennifer took Samantha’s

hands and planted them on her waist. “I think I…I think I love

you.”Samantha couldn’t stop the goofy grin that spread across her

face. Her heart pounded in her chest as Jennifer took her hands

and put them on her shoulders. They stood awkwardly like two

kids at a dance daring to be close, but at the same time keeping

a respectable distance.

“I think you should kiss me,” Jennifer said nervously.

Samantha knew that Jennifer had kissed Billy Simon under

the bleachers at a football game before she and Jennifer had

gotten to know each other. The whole school talked about it. But

she’d never kissed anyone and was too ashamed to admit it. She

closed the gap between them, afraid to look Jennifer in the face,

and planted a kiss on her cheek.

“On the mouth,” Jennifer whispered. “Like this.”

Samantha was stunned when Jennifer pulled back and kissed

her. She unconsciously licked her lips as Jennifer stared at her

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for a second, then tilted her head and leaned in again. This time

when their lips met, Samantha felt Jennifer’s tongue against her

lip. The feel of it when it touched hers made Samantha’s toes dig

farther into the sand. She was hardly aware that she’d grabbed

handfuls of Jennifer’s shirt in her fists. When they pul ed apart,

Samantha inhaled deeply. Jennifer wrapped her arms around her

neck and held her close while whispering in her ear, “Did you

like it?”

Samantha nodded dumbly, unable to speak.

“Then let’s do it again.”

Samantha found herself staring up at the grown-up version of

Jennifer, who had returned from the bathroom. Her gaze drifted

from inquisitive brown eyes to the lips she remembered fondly,

and she swallowed hard. Jennifer stared back at her wordlessly

for a moment until Samantha gathered her wits.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Samantha handed her keys to

Jennifer. “Start the truck.”

Samantha nearly tripped over her own feet as she hurried into

the bathroom and looked at her flushed reflection in the mirror.

Her face was so red, she looked sunburned as she splashed cold

water on it, trying to rid herself of stirring memories. Jennifer

had looked at her just then as though she knew exactly what she’d

been thinking. “Shit.”

“You okay?” Jennifer asked as she climbed into the truck.

“Yeah, a case of heartburn,” Samantha said. She thought that

was an apt description for the way she felt.

Jennifer rifled through her purse. “I think I may have some

Tums in here somewhere.”

Samantha accepted two tablets and chewed them.

“Want me to drive for a while?”

Samantha shook her head. “No, I’m fine.” She needed the

distraction. If she would’ve turned over the wheel, she knew

where her mind would take her.

“How about some music?” Samantha switched on the radio.

“Find us something.”

Jennifer looked at her oddly for a second, then turned her

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attention to the stereo. Samantha exhaled and leaned back into

her seat. They’d been on the road for three hours and already

she’d begun to lose control.

“Can I ask you something?” Jennifer said after she’d found a

radio station.

Samantha felt herself tense. She knew when Jennifer asked

if she could ask a question, it was usually a humdinger. “Sure.”

Samantha did her best to sound casual.

“Of the fifteen women you were with, how many did you

love?”

Shit, Samantha thought. “Umm,” she began. “Three.”

Jennifer reached over and turned the volume on the radio

down. “You’ve slept with fifteen people and only loved three of

them?”

Samantha fought the urge to fidget. She glanced over at

Jennifer, who studied her intently. “I cared…for all of them, but I

can only honestly say I loved three.”

“Is it safe to say one of those was me?” Jennifer asked without

looking away.

“I already told you that,” Samantha said with a quick glance

in her direction.

“So…what was it like to be in love with them?”

Samantha rolled her eyes. She felt like her emotional history

was being dissected bit by bit. “At the time, I thought I was in

love, maybe I was a little. I’ve heard that after your first true

love, the others…don’t quite compare.” She watched as a smile

flickered across Jennifer’s face.

“What did you love about the other two?”

Samantha had to force herself to loosen her grip on the

steering wheel. “I loved Cheryl for the way she made me laugh

and Lynmarie for the way—why do you want to know?”

“Just curious,” Jennifer said with a shrug. “What made you

love me?”

It was Samantha’s turn to shrug. “You were my best friend,

and I thought you were…gorgeous.”

Jennifer turned in her seat and leaned her head against the

headrest. “You know what captivated me about you?”

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Samantha shook her head but kept her eyes on the road.

“You were wild. You didn’t give a shit about anything, but

you did care about me. I knew that before you told me so.”

Samantha smiled. “I was wild as a March hare. That was the

young me, though. I’m more reserved nowadays.”

“So I’ve noticed. You seem almost timid around me.”

“You scare me.” Samantha looked over at Jennifer and noted

the surprised, almost pained expression on her face and felt bad

for being so blatantly honest. “I’m sorry, but you do.”

“Why?”

“Because when we met at Tim’s gathering, you were a married

women of twenty years. Six months later, you’re getting a divorce

and you seem very interested in picking things up again.”

“We shared something special at one time, and I’ve never

been able to forget it, and you haven’t, either. You did admit to

that. What’s wrong with getting to know each other again, seeing

where it leads?”

Samantha chewed on that for a moment. “You were my first

love, and our breakup was very painful.” Samantha held up a

hand. “And before you say it, yes, it was my fault.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Jennifer shot back. “It was my

fault, too. I could’ve done things differently.”

“Are you even gay? Have you thought about that? We were

adolescents then. It’s not uncommon for young girls to have

crushes on their best friends going through puberty.”

Jennifer groaned. Samantha had a sudden recollection of that

preceding Jennifer’s temper. “I’ve spent years pondering that. I

may have been a baby, but I loved you then and…” Jennifer turned

and faced forward. “I guess you’re right to be afraid because I’m

not. One of us has to be level-headed.”

“I’ve lived all my adult life as a lesbian. I know what it’s like

to be scorned. To know that my own mother is too ashamed of me

to have anything to do with me. I’m not trying to minimize what

you feel, but let’s just be frank about this. What if we do start

dating, will you tell your family? Will you be able to cope with it

if they turn their backs on you?”

Samantha hated to be so ruthlessly honest. “I guess it’s

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chicken shit of me, maybe I’m just insecure, but I wonder how

you’d feel about me if you have to suffer that.”

“I’ve considered all those things this past six months while

living alone. I’ve had nothing to do but wonder. As I’ve said, I just

want to get to know you again. I’m not looking for a quick fuck if

that’s what you’re thinking.”

A quick fuck would’ve been something Samantha could’ve

handled—maybe. But she knew that wasn’t what Jennifer had

in mind. The getting to know each other again was the troubling

part.

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Chapter 27

Jennifer hated the unsettling silence that prevailed between

them. Samantha had hit upon issues that she didn’t want to have

to think about on this trip. But she was right to wonder about it all.

She wanted to say yes, she was gay, but she knew that Samantha

wouldn’t have accepted that easily.

What Jennifer regretted was that she had on several

occasions thought to come clean with her family and tell them

about her history with Samantha. She could’ve told them when

she announced her plans to go to Florida. Instead, she said she

was going as moral support for Samantha as she collected a few

of Tim’s things. Had she been honest then, maybe she could’ve

relieved some of Samantha’s reservations.

“I don’t like this tension between us.” Samantha reached over

and touched Jennifer’s arm. “I needed to be honest, but I hate that

I upset you.”

Jennifer took Samantha’s hand and entwined her fingers with

hers. “I understand how you must feel, and I apologize for putting

you in that position.” She gave Samantha’s hand a squeeze and

released her. It was a truce, an uneasy one, but a truce just the

same.

Jennifer felt herself growing sleepy. She’d not been able to

rest the night before. She was nervous and excited about the trip,

and now her eyelids were growing heavy.

“Recline the seat and take a nap,” Samantha said as she looked

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over at her. “I want to get at least within six hours of Miami, and

I may need you to drive until we stop.”

Jennifer did as Samantha suggested. Samantha tugged a

blanket and a small travel pillow from the backseat and handed

it to her. “Turn the radio up a little. It helps me sleep.” Jennifer

positioned the pillow and tugged the blanket beneath her chin.

She heard Samantha chuckle, then say, “yes ma’am.”

Jennifer studied Samantha’s profile as she drove and listened

to her hum along with the radio. One hand rested on the wheel,

the other on the console between them. Jennifer had always loved

Samantha’s hands, especially when they were touching her. She

remembered the feel of Samantha’s hand when she’d taken it into

her own. Like it had years ago, it still warmed her to the core.

Samantha glanced over often as Jennifer slept just as she’d

done on their escape long ago. Unlike Jennifer, she couldn’t sleep

then and had crawled to the front of the van to check on Tim.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Tim asked as she knelt between

the seats.

“I’m too tired to sleep.” Samantha looked back at Jennifer,

who lay in a tight ball beneath the blanket they’d shared.

“You are so in love that it’s sickening sometimes,” Tim said

with a grin. “I thought you were going to have a heart attack

tonight when we were going to get her.”

“I thought I was, too. I was afraid that she’d change her

mind.”

“I knew she’d be there,” Tim said with a nod. “Anywhere you

go, she’ll be right there with you. You’re all she talks about.”

Samantha glanced down at Jennifer as she slept. She wanted

to believe that Jennifer could feel that way about her again. It

surprised her how much she wanted to pull over and curl up next

to Jennifer, to feel her body mold with hers, and just for a moment

hold her in her arms. If she did that, could she let her go again?

That thought alone made her turn and look back at the road.

Samantha thought back on the time that her parents had

checked her out of school. When the announcement came over

the speaker in her sixth-period class that she had a dentist

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appointment, she was stunned. She’d been to the dentist the day

before, and there was no mention of another appointment then.

From her locker, she could see down the main hall. Both of

her parents stood waiting. Samantha felt bile rise in her throat.

They barely even spoke to each other after the divorce, and for

both of them to be together was strange.

“What’s going on?” Samantha asked when they noticed her

walking up.

“We’ll talk about it when we get home,” Jean said

brusquely.

Samantha knew she was in trouble big-time then.

They sat around the kitchen table, Samantha at the far end

and her parents on the other side. “Last night when Jennifer

called you, I listened on the other line,” Jean began. “I heard the

disgusting things you talked about.”

Samantha thought back on the conversation and paled. What

she and Jennifer talked about steamed up the phone line. Jennifer

had gone into great detail about how much she enjoyed the last

time they’d slept together.

“I am not going to sit by and let you grow up to be some flaming

homosexual,” Jean said angrily. “What were you thinking?”

Samantha felt her face grow hot. She let her tears fal , hoping

that would have some effect. It didn’t.

“How do you know how to do the things you talked about?”

Jean’s voice rose with each word. “How can you even face her

after doing the things you’ve done?”

“I love her,” Samantha said honestly.

“No! No, you don’t,” Jean demanded.

Samantha wiped angrily at her eyes. “Yes, I do, and you can’t

make me stop.”

“Let’s calm down,” Lester spoke up for the first time. He

looked at Samantha pointedly. “Is Jennifer the only person you’ve

had…relations with?”

“Yes,” Samantha said.

“I doubt that’s true.” Jean looked between Samantha and

Lester. “Homosexuals get tired of regular sex, and that’s why

they pursue each other.”

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Samantha wasn’t particularly fond of being called a

homosexual, at least not the way her mother said it—like she was

some depraved animal.

“Jean,” Lester said in a warning tone. “This is not the way

to go about this.”

“You’re not to see Jennifer anymore. When I tell her mother

about this, I imagine she’ll be grounded as long as you’re going

to be.” Jean pinched the bridge of her nose. “Dear God, I don’t

know how I’m going to put into words what you two have done.”

Samantha’s heart seized in her chest. Jennifer’s parents had

been talking about enrol ing her in private school. Samantha

knew it was because they were so close and knew they considered

her a bad influence.

“You can’t tell her parents.”

“You don’t have a say-so,” Jean said. “We cannot have you

two—”

“I can’t live without her. My life will be over.”

Maybe it was something in her tone, or maybe it was what

she said that caused Lester’s eyes to widen. He sat up straighter

in the chair and put a hand on Jean arm. “Jean, we talked about

this with the psychiatrist.” He looked at Samantha again with a

disarming smile. “Honey, go pack a bag. I’m going to take you up

to my place in Mississippi for the weekend and give you and your

mom a chance to cool down.”

“But I was supposed to go to the game with Jennifer and Tim

tonight. At least let me call them and tell them I can’t go.”

“Absolutely not,” Jean cut in. “I told you that you’re not

speaking to her anymore.” Jean got up and moved toward the

phone.

“Jean.” Samantha had rarely ever heard her father use that

tone. “I will make that call if it needs to be made.”

She turned and looked at him. “What do you mean if ?”

“Get your things, honey, and let me and your mom talk for a

minute,” her dad said in a tone that brooked no argument.

Samantha went to her room sobbing as she packed a few of

her things into a bag. She didn’t have to wonder what they were

talking about; she could clearly hear them yelling. Lester had

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firmly put his foot down and told Jean that she was not to call

Jennifer’s parents. Samantha’s chest heaved with relief.

She rejoined them in the kitchen when things quieted. Jean

stood at the kitchen sink with her back turned to them. Samantha

didn’t speak a word of goodbye as she fol owed her dad out the

door.Samantha cried pitifully for the first hour of the drive. Her

father reached over and rubbed her back as she wept. When she

finally quieted, he tried to talk to her in comforting tones. At

first, he explained some of the trouble he and her Uncle Jerry

had gotten into when they decided that they wanted to become

sexually active. Samantha would look back on it and laugh later

on, but at the time, all she could do was listen.

“And so me and Jerry pooled our money and propositioned

the cleaning woman that helped your grandma around the house

while she was working. She was so upset that she stormed out of

the house and called your grandma later and resigned. Your tiny

grandmother beat both of our asses with a shoe.”

Samantha mustered a weak smile and looked out the

window.

“Honey, what you feel for Jennifer is only puppy love. It’s not

real, but it sure feels real to the puppy.”

Samantha didn’t reply as she continued to watch the landscape

fly by. How could he know how she felt? The puppy love speech

was bul shit.

“No one, and I mean no one, is worth taking your life over,”

he said quietly. “Is that what you meant earlier when you said

you couldn’t live without her?

Samantha didn’t reply. She didn’t need to. He’d gotten the

message loud and clear.

Samantha cringed as she thought about that conversation.

At that moment in her young life, she was dead serious. She’d

thought about it a lot that weekend she spent with her dad. A life

without Jennifer wasn’t worth living then. It sent chills down her

spine now to know how seriously she considered suicide.

She looked over at Jennifer, who slept soundly, and wondered

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if what they were doing would be the death of her. Killing herself

was not an option, but a part of her would surely die if she let her

guard down and had her heart broken again.

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Chapter 28

Samantha had been behind the wheel for almost ten hours

before she finally turned it over. Jennifer watched her as she

turned back and forth in the seat before she finally sat up. “Let’s

stop for the night. I can’t take being in this truck anymore.”

Samantha tossed the pillow and blanket into the backseat.

They found a hotel in Gainesville. Jennifer had to be firm

despite Samantha’s protests she was paying for the room. “Would

you be more comfortable if I got separate rooms?” Jennifer asked

as they pulled beneath the archway of a hotel.

“I have no problem sharing a room with you,” Samantha said.

Jennifer figured that Samantha said that to keep her from having

to shell out more money.

Bedraggled, they entered a room with two queen-sized beds.

“Pick your rack.” Jennifer waited for Samantha to decide, which

didn’t take long. Samantha tossed her bag on the one closest to the

door and fell across it facedown.

Jennifer tossed her bags onto the other bed and turned to

Samantha. “You did most of the driving, so why don’t you use

the bathroom to get ready for bed first, especially since you laid

down on that nasty bedspread? Don’t you watch TV, those things

are full of—”

“Stop, you’re gonna give me nightmares.” Samantha groaned

and grabbed her bag. “Be out in a few.”

Jennifer pulled out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, got out her

toothbrush, and sat in a chair. She knew if she lay down, she

would not get back up.

Samantha emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later

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wearing a tank top and a pair of gym shorts. Jennifer knew

she shouldn’t have watched, but she couldn’t help but stare at

Samantha’s hardened nipples beneath the thin material as she

brushed her teeth. She forced herself to look away as Samantha

began washing her face and slipped past her into the bathroom.

She had intended to forgo a shower and bathe in the morning,

but the reaction she had watching Samantha just then made her

want to take a shower. A very cool shower. She stood clutching her

clothes, thinking about what it would feel like to have Samantha’s

breasts pressed against hers, and the decision was made. She

pulled the curtain back and turned on the cold water.

Samantha was in her bed lying on her side facing her when

Jennifer came out of the bathroom. Her eyes were barely open,

but Jennifer knew she was being watched as she brushed her

teeth, then turned off the light. “Good night,” she whispered as

she crawled into bed.

“Night,” she heard Samantha mumble.

The next morning, Jennifer awoke around seven. Having had

a nap the day before, she was a bit more rested than Samantha,

who lay on her back with an arm thrown over her eyes. Samantha

had kicked off her covers, and it was easy to see the steady rise

and fall of her chest.

As Jennifer recalled, Samantha was a deep sleeper and

probably would have only stirred if a bomb blew off the door to

their room. She crawled from bed and quietly slipped into the

bathroom. When she returned, Samantha was still in the same

position. She climbed back into bed with a smile on her face.

When they’d run away from home, Tim had borrowed two

hundred dollars from his parents’ emergency jar kept in the

pantry. Jennifer and Samantha added the money they’d managed

to scrape up. It didn’t amount to much, but it did afford them a

hotel room on the way back home.

Tim had taken one of the beds, and Jennifer and Samantha

had curled together in theirs. In the middle of the night, Jennifer

had awoken to find Samantha sleeping as she did now.

Jennifer took the arm draped over Samantha’s face and put

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it around her shoulder as she snuggled into Samantha’s warm

body.

“You okay?” Samantha asked sleepily.

“I’m scared,” Jennifer said. She didn’t know what to expect

when they returned home and wasn’t looking forward to the

next day. “This is the last night we’ll be able to sleep together,”

Jennifer whispered against Samantha’s shoulder. “At least until

we’re eighteen.”

“That’s not even a year away. I can’t stand having to wait

that long.”

“We can still spend time together at the creek,” Jennifer said

hopefully.

But they never did go back to the creek. Samantha dropped

out of school not long after they returned home, and the rest was

a painful history.

“You snore now. You know that?” Samantha said with her

arm still slung over her face.

“Yeah, well, you talk in your sleep.”

“I do not.” Samantha sat straight up.

“You cussed someone named Alan half the night.” Samantha

tossed a pillow that hit her squarely in the face. “I was nice last

night since you were so tired, but this morning, we’ll have to flip

a coin to see who showers first.” Jennifer tossed the pillow back.

Samantha climbed from her bed and stretched. “Flip for it,

huh? We’ll, I’m fresh out of coins, so we’ll have to improvise.”

She grabbed Jennifer by the feet and began to tickle. “If you wet

your pants, I get to shower first.”

Jennifer screamed into her pillow and kicked helplessly at

Samantha’s iron grip.

“You lose anyway,” Samantha said with a laugh as she ran

into the bathroom.

Jennifer listened to the water begin to run in the shower as

she looked at the vacant bed next to hers. “This is real,” she said

softly. She had fantasized about being with Samantha again since

she saw her at the memorial. In her dreams, Samantha was as

eager to explore new possibilities as she was. She imagined that

they would be unable to keep their hands off each other, like

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when they were teens. Clinging to each other as if nothing else

existed.

Samantha had been brutally honest about her reservations,

and Jennifer would’ve been greatly disheartened if she had not

seen the expression on Samantha’s face when she came out of the

bathroom at the diner. For a moment, she caught a glimpse of the

look that used to turn her insides to jelly. A look that made it clear

that Samantha was as hungry as she was.

“It’s all yours,” Samantha said as she came out of the bathroom

fully dressed. “I left you enough hot water for a thirty-second

shower.”

“How kind of you.” Jennifer climbed out of bed and gathered

her things. She caught Samantha’s gaze in the reflection of the

mirror as it moved up her legs. Had she been bolder, she would’ve

seized upon that moment and filled her fingers with Samantha’s

hair and kissed her until they were both breathless. Instead, she

averted her gaze and slipped into the bathroom.

Samantha sat on her bed with the TV remote in hand when

Jennifer came out of the bathroom. She was grinning ear to ear;

her damp hair had begun to curl. With her snug-fitting T-shirt and

faded jeans, she looked sexy as hell. “What’re you smiling at?”

Jennifer toweled some of the moisture from her hair.

Samantha tossed the remote onto the bed. “I was thinking

about the time we went to the zoo.”

Jennifer turned with a hand on her hip. “It wasn’t funny then

and it’s not funny now.” She draped the towel back over her head

to hide her smile.

“You should’ve seen your face when that monkey came out

of the bushes and grabbed your camera strap.” Samantha howled

with laughter.

Jennifer threw the towel at Samantha as she began to crack

up. “I should’ve known when I didn’t see a monkey in the cage

something was wrong, but I never expected him to be right there

in the bushes.” She pointed at Samantha. “That was your camera

by the way. You got tired of carrying it.”

Samantha was on her side, clutching her stomach as she

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laughed. “That poor monkey looked like a Muppet. Little arms

and legs flailing about as you danced in a circle and tried to throw

him off.”

“You were no help at all. You laughed then just like you are

now. He could’ve bitten me.”

“No, no, he couldn’t. He had whiplash so bad, it looked like

his head was on backward when the guy put him back in the

cage.” Samantha dried her eyes. “We got free ice cream, though,

thanks for sharing.”

Jennifer turned back to the mirror and began combing

through her hair.

“That was the same day we…lost control in the back of the

van.”Jennifer glanced at Samantha and saw the faraway look in

her eyes.

“You were so…” Samantha looked away without continuing.

“I was so what?” Jennifer felt her stomach muscles quiver

as she thought back on the day that had been one of the most

passionate.

Samantha looked up as a flush covered her neck. “Incredible.”

She averted her gaze. “I…I’ve never forgotten.”

“Me either.” Jennifer watched as Samantha stood and began

to gather her things. She wondered if Samantha felt like she did—

nervous and wondering where to step next. “I like how you’re

wearing your hair now.” She clamped her eyes shut, feeling like

an idiot.

“It’s easy to deal with like this.” Samantha tousled it, making

it look fuller. “I add a little mousse and mess it up, and that’s all I

have to do.” She stuffed her things into her bag and paced around

the room before sitting back on the bed.

Jennifer watched her in the mirror as she spread moisturizer

on her face. A vision of Samantha sweaty from lovemaking swept

through her mind, her hair wet and wild clinging to her face.

Jennifer blew out a breath and tried to focus on getting ready.

Samantha jumped up again. “I’m gonna go gas up the truck

while you finish getting ready.” She was out the door before

Jennifer could respond.

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“I don’t know about you, but the continental breakfast they’re

serving in the lobby doesn’t sound appealing.” Samantha tossed

their bags into the backseat of the truck. “I’m thinking about

Cracker Barrel.”

Jennifer’s stomach growled as she thought about country ham

and eggs. A hot pot of coffee didn’t sound bad, either. “Let’s go.”

They rode a couple of blocks to the restaurant, and Samantha

held the door open for Jennifer, whose perfume filled her senses

as she passed. Samantha closed her eyes for a second as she

recalled that Jennifer had always smelled…delicious. Coupled

with the earlier conversation, she felt like someone had cranked

her internal thermostat.

Samantha felt unsettled as she took a seat across from Jennifer.

She studied the menu intently but couldn’t make herself focus. It

was only day two of them being together, and she couldn’t look at

Jennifer for wanting her.

She’d awoken during the night and watched Jennifer as she

slept. Though she couldn’t make out details, she could still see

Jennifer lying sprawled, legs and arms spread out, completely

vulnerable. Samantha rolled over and stared at the wall, trying to

go back to sleep, but found herself rolling again to watch Jennifer.

At one time, that body belonged to her, and she had full access

to kiss and lick and touch as she pleased. It was torture to be

so close. She’d finally flopped over on her back and threw an

arm over her eyes, willing herself to think about anything but the

woman sleeping in the next bed.

“What are you having?” Jennifer asked.

Samantha didn’t look up from the menu. It hid the flush that

covered her neck, a sign of arousal that she knew Jennifer would

recognize. “I can’t decide.” When they placed their order, she’d

asked for juice, coffee, and fruit. The waitress held out her hand

for the menu. Samantha hated to hand it over.

“I can’t believe that’s all you’re eating,” Jennifer said. “I

thought you weren’t interested in a continental breakfast.”

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Samantha forced herself to look up and smiled. “I was hungry

when we came in here, but I just couldn’t make up my mind.”

Jennifer’s eyes narrowed for a second as she regarded

Samantha. She licked her lips before saying, “You’re gonna be

jealous of my breakfast, and I am not sharing.”

“Do you cook?” Samantha asked as she averted her gaze.

She heard Jennifer huff. “I’ve had twenty years experience.

I’m a damn good cook. I’ve kind of missed doing it lately since

it’s just me. Do you think David would like it if I cooked one night

while we were there?”

“As long as it’s not meat and potatoes, he’ll love it.”

“Good, I’ll make my shrimp pasta. That’s the best of my

dishes.” Jennifer was quiet for a moment, then asked, “Something

on your mind, Sam? You seem a bit distracted.”

Samantha forced another smile on her face and met Jennifer’s

gaze. “No, I’m just not completely awake yet.”

Jennifer nodded as she put her napkin across her lap. “I

should’ve known. You never were a morning person. You made

me work hard to wake you when I used to stay over.”

Samantha felt her cheeks grow hot as she tried to maintain

her gaze. Jennifer had been very adept at waking her, especially

when she slipped beneath the blankets and kissed the inside of her

thighs. Jennifer smiled and winked.

“How about if I start out driving?” Jennifer asked as they

walked back to the truck. “I’ve got a good caffeine buzz, and I’m

gonna go stir crazy riding side saddle.”

Samantha handed over the keys.

When Jennifer had merged onto the interstate and set the

cruise control, she looked over at Samantha. “What are your top

three favorite movies?”

Samantha didn’t have to think long. “Fried Green Tomatoes,

The Color Purple, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.”

Jennifer made a face. “Forgetting Sarah Marshall doesn’t

seem to fit with the other two.”

“That movie with its sick humor cracks me up. It’s awful, I

love it.”

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Jennifer propped her elbow on the windowsill and curled her

fingers beneath her chin. “Idgie Threadgoode reminded me so

much of you the first time I watched Fried Green Tomatoes. Full

of piss and vinegar and totally irreverent.”

Samantha smiled at the comparison. “I looked exactly like

the little girl that portrayed Idgie as a child, skinned knees, nappy

hair and all. Whenever I watch that movie, I cut it off after Idgie

is acquitted of murder. The movie should’ve ended there. I can’t

stand to see Ruth die.”

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Jennifer said. “You’ve gotten soft over the

years.”

“Bite me. Since we’re playing question and answers, why

don’t you have children?” Samantha winced, regretting the

question. “I’m sorry, that’s a really personal one. You don’t have

to answer if you don’t want to.”

“It’s okay.” Jennifer shook her head slightly. “I just never

could get pregnant. It didn’t bother me that much, but Avery really

wanted kids. All in all, I think it was for the best.”

“Why? Again, don’t answer if you don’t want to.”

“I’ll answer anything you want to ask. But remember what

you told me in the park that day—‘don’t ask questions you don’t

want the answer to.’” Jennifer glanced over at Samantha, then

looked back at the road. “In my heart, I knew that Avery and I

wouldn’t last. I remember how bad the divorce of your parents

affected you, and I didn’t want to inflict that on my children.”

Samantha shook her head. “It wasn’t the divorce that affected

me. Mom and Dad fought anytime they were together. It was a

relief when they called it quits. What got to me was their attitude

afterward. It was like ‘hey, we’re dealing with our own shit, so

fend for yourselves.’

“I remember finding a pack of cigarettes at a construction site,

so I brought them home and laid them on my dresser. Mom never

noticed. At least if she did, she never mentioned it. Looking back

on it now, half of the crap I pulled was just to see if she cared. Dad

was completely out of the loop and was busy with his new wife and

her kids. Rene and I were left to find our own way.”

“I used to envy you sometimes. You never brought home

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your report card, and no one cared. As long as you were home by

curfew, it didn’t seem to matter after that. My parents had their

hands in everything I did. Had to know where I was going and

who I was with even with Jackie as my chaperone. They would’ve

died had they known about us sneaking out of your house when

I stayed over. Well, they would’ve died to know I was actually

staying with you.”

Samantha thought back to them sneaking out of her bedroom

window and pushing her van down the street before cranking

it up and taking off. They didn’t return home until just before

sunrise. “I never got to see you graduate high school. I was gone

by then,” Samantha said. “I think I would’ve liked to see you in

your cap and gown.”

“I wish you would’ve been there then,” Jennifer said wistfully.

“It was just me and Tim.”

“And Dale Sanders,” Samantha said bitterly.

“Please, I told you I didn’t care for him. I never let him get

past first base.” Jennifer made a disgusted face. “I would’ve never

gone out with him if you would’ve—”

“Would you have married Avery if I were still in the picture?”

“Well, obviously not,” Jennifer said without hesitation. “I feel

bad for admitting that because he was a sweet guy and still is.

But I can say without a doubt that the minute I turned eighteen, I

would’ve followed you anywhere.”

“How can you know that?” Samantha asked. “Your folks

despised me, and they would have never let you go.”

“You know what?” Jennifer looked hard at Samantha. “I’ve

forgiven you for what you did with Donnie. How about cutting

me some slack, too?”

Samantha sank back in her seat and scrubbed at her face.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Why do you keep holding on to your anger at me after all

these years?” Jennifer asked without looking from the road.

“Old habits, I guess,” Samantha lied. She wasn’t ready to

admit that it was the only thing that kept her from falling under

Jennifer’s spell. “I won’t bring it up again.”

“I was wrong for not telling you the truth about Dale.” Jennifer

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wheeled into a rest stop and shifted the truck into neutral. “Do

you forgive me, Sam?” She unlatched her seat belt and turned to

look at her.

Samantha nodded and looked out her window.

Jennifer softened her tone. “I need to hear you say it, and I

need you to look at me when you do.”

“I forgive you,” she said with a quick glance in Jennifer’s

direction. Jennifer didn’t say anything, nor did she put the truck

into gear. Samantha could feel her eyes on her. “Quit making this

so hard.”

“It’s only hard because you won’t let it go.” Jennifer reached

over and put her hand on Samantha’s shoulder. “Turn around and

look at me.”

Samantha took a deep breath and did as Jennifer asked.

Jennifer’s dark eyes narrowed as she studied her face. “We might

not have been around each other for a long time, but I know what

you’re doing. You’re keeping the past between us because you’re

afraid.”

Samantha clamped her eyes shut and leaned back against the

seat. “Sometimes, I really hate it when you get in my brain.”

“Hug me, Sam.” Jennifer tugged at her arm.

Samantha opened her eyes and stared out the windshield.

“You’re fucking pushy.”

Jennifer laughed. “Hug me, and say you forgive me. I won’t

drive until you do.”

Samantha blew out in exasperation and reached over to hug

Jennifer with the intention of making it brief. Jennifer clutched

her tight and refused to allow her to pull away. “Right now, we’re

friends, and all the hurt from the past stays there,” she whispered

against Samantha’s ear.

Samantha felt herself let go and relax into the embrace. Al her

defenses came tumbling down, and she inwardly cursed the tears that

fil ed her eyes. How ironic it was that after al the time had passed

between them, Jennifer stil knew what she’d been thinking. Samantha

knew then that this trip would not pass without them ending up in each

other’s arms, and it wouldn’t be just to hug or console. Her feelings for

Jennifer had been and always would be undeniable.

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Chapter 29

Jennifer released Samantha reluctantly. She’d give Sam the

time she needed to try to hide the feelings that showed so clearly

on her face. The connection that had been between them was still

very alive and strong. She’d felt it the minute Samantha looked at

her that night in the bar. Samantha’s ambivalence had caused her

doubt, but now as she looked into Samantha’s eyes as she turned

her loose, she had hope.

She knew Samantha well enough to let it ride. They didn’t

talk about anything serious after that. Instead they talked about

Tim and David. And when they weren’t talking, Jennifer knew

that Samantha was wondering where this trip would truly lead,

as did she.

Just before dinner, they arrived at David’s new condominium.

The high-rise stood tall, facing out over the waters of the Atlantic.

Jennifer wanted to take Samantha’s hand as they rode up to the

sixteenth floor. She needed something to ground her and calm the

anxiety of facing David.

When he’d smiled at her the first time they met, she felt

as though he could see right through her. Like he knew at that

moment everything she was feeling, just like Tim always had.

Tim had the uncanny knack of knowing what was happening

inside her mind before she’d put the pieces together. He’d been

the one to confront her about her feelings for Samantha.

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Tim asked, keeping his

voice low so the other kids on the bus wouldn’t hear.

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“Who?” Jennifer asked, knowing exactly who Tim was

referring to.

Tim bumped her with his shoulder. “You get a funny look

on your face whenever you look at Sam. You don’t look at me or

anyone else that way.” He laughed. “Everyone knows that Andy

Kelleher has the hots for you, and they think you like him, too, but

you don’t look at him the way you look at Sam. You’ve got it bad,

and it shows.”

Jennifer followed Samantha down the hall and waited at

her side as she knocked. David threw open the door and pulled

Samantha into his arms, squeezing her tight enough to make

her drop the bags she was holding. He pulled back and cupped

her cheek lovingly. “It’s about time. You had me waiting. Now

move.” He pulled her through the door and turned his attention

to Jennifer.

He held her at arm’s length, his light blue eyes gazing into

hers. “Hey, sweetie, I’m so glad you came,” he said before pulling

Jennifer in for a hug. “I know Samantha is glad you’re here, too,”

he whispered before letting her go and taking her hand.

Samantha was standing at the sliding glass doors looking out

at the water as they walked into the spacious living room. “This

view is spectacular,” she said with a grin over her shoulder. “Can

I sleep on the balcony?”

“You’re taking the guest room.” David said. “Jennifer can

have my room, and I’ll take the sofa sleeper out here.”

“I can’t do that, David,” Jennifer said. “There’s no way that

I’m running you out of your own room. I can bunk with Samantha,

or I can sleep on the couch.”

David pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “God,

spare me from strong-willed women.”

Samantha laughed and shook her head. “Oh, David, you have

no idea what you’re up against with her.”

“Will you take my room then?” he asked Samantha.

“Nope, I’ll camp out on the couch.”

David hoisted Samantha’s bag over his shoulder and relieved

Jennifer of hers. “Okay, girls, I’ll make it easy on you both.” He

opened the guest room and tossed their bags on the floor. “You

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sleep together because we all know that’s where you two will end

up.”Jennifer felt her face grow hot, while Samantha stood slack-

jawed.

“Don’t even look at me like that,” David said as he waved his

arms. “I wasn’t born yesterday. Now where am I taking you two

to dinner?”

Samantha had to clear her throat twice before she could

respond. “Surprise us.”

“I love Cuban food!” David said as they sat around a table in

a tiny restaurant. Samantha’s mouth watered at the smells wafting

from the kitchen. “I’ve wanted to stop in here every time I walked

past it.” David’s smile faltered. “I’m just not comfortable eating

alone yet.”

Samantha reached over and squeezed his hand.

“Don’t,” David said with a weak smile. “Don’t feel sorry for

me. I’ve had about as much of that as I can stand. I have friends

here, but they all try to baby me. I need you to just be the bitch I

know and love.”

Samantha raised a brow and grinned. “Then lose the Hawaiian

shirt. It makes you look like a tourist. And for Pete’s sake, do not

wear that pink tank top you’re so fond of. It makes me wanna

puke.”

“I’ve missed you so.” David pinched Samantha’s cheek. “Got

something for you two.” He reached under the table and produced

a shoebox that he’d tucked under his arm as they left the condo.

“Some of these are a riot.”

Jennifer noticed when she removed the lid that the box was

stuffed full of pictures. She reached in and pulled out a stack as

Samantha did the same. “Oh, I remember this.” Jennifer held up a

picture of Tim and Samantha standing on the bow of a boat. “We

went to Ship Island in Mississippi one summer.”

“Yes,” Samantha said as she looked over. “You got seasick on

the shuttle and tossed it on my foot once we made it to the beach.”

Jennifer rolled her eyes and looked at David. “We had the

time of our lives on that trip, and that’s what she remembers.”

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“Look at this one.” Samantha handed a picture to Jennifer.

“Aw.” Jennifer tried to keep her eyes from tearing. She and

Samantha were standing on either side of Tim, and both were

kissing him on the cheek. His smile was radiant.

“Look at all the beautiful hair he had,” David said as he

looked at the picture.

“On his head,” Samantha and Jennifer said in unison.

David threw back his head and laughed. “He never could

grow a proper beard, but when it started coming in on his back

and disappearing on his head, he got so pissed.”

Jennifer picked up another picture and smiled. She and

Samantha were sitting at a picnic table piled high with boiled

crawfish and shrimp. They were smiling as they fed each other.

“Margaritas all around,” David said when the waitress

appeared to take their drink order.

“David, can we make copies of some of these?” Samantha

asked.

“Of course, we’ll go to Walgreens or CVS and make as many

as you want. I have a scanner, but everything comes out grainy.”

Jennifer thumbed through pile after pile of pictures as they

drank. Her box of photos had mysteriously vanished. She’d hid

them away under her bed. They were too painful to look at, and

one day when she felt nostalgic, she’d searched for the box that

had disappeared. She’d never confronted her mother, but she

knew that she’d tossed them into the trash.

“Ladies, can I order for you?” David asked as they seemed to

be lost in memory.

“I’m okay if Jen is,” Samantha said, sounding distracted.

Jennifer looked over at the picture that Samantha was staring

at. They were sitting together in front of a campfire they’d made

on the beach at the creek. Jennifer sat between Samantha’s legs

with her back against Samantha, who rested her chin on Jennifer’s

shoulder. The firelight reflected in their eyes, and Jennifer noticed

the utter look of contentment on Samantha’s face.

Thoroughly stuffed and somewhat drunk after two strong

margaritas, they walked the few blocks back to the condo.

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Flanking David on either side, Jennifer and Samantha walked

holding his hands just like they’d done with Tim a lifetime ago.

Once back at David’s place, Jennifer left them to talk while she

showered. Samantha was sitting on the edge of the bed tugging

her shoes off when Jennifer came out of the bathroom. “David

said to tell you good night.” Samantha stood and began gathering

her night clothes.

“I left you some hot water.” Jennifer watched her move into

the bathroom. She looked at the cuticle on her index finger with

the urge to nibble as her hand shook slightly. “I can’t believe

I’m so nervous,” she whispered. She knew the walls that had

been between them had broken down. At dinner, Samantha had

occasionally laid her hand on her arm, and that was before the

margaritas started flowing. Before then, she had noticed that

Samantha had kept her distance.

Jennifer turned the covers back on the full-sized bed. Unless

they both slept on the edges, they would undoubtedly come in

contact, a thought that thrilled and unnerved her at the same time.

She crawled in wondering if she could still please Samantha,

who’d had fourteen other lovers. Though they’d explored

each other thoroughly long ago, they were just inexperienced

teenagers. Their couplings had been exciting and felt like heaven,

but orgasms rarely happened. Jennifer exhaled loudly as she

remembered her first.

“I wish we had more room,” Samantha whispered against

her ear.

They’d waited all day to be alone, but Rene, for some reason,

would not let them be. Samantha as usual was stuck babysitting,

and the only place they could steal away and hide behind a locked

door was the garden shed behind the house.

Samantha sneaked a blanket into the cramped metal building,

and they were huddled together on it shivering from the cold

February night. “Pull your pants down,” Samantha said softly.

Jennifer eagerly complied. She’d been craving this moment

all day. Her knee banged into a shovel, causing it to fall against

the metal wall with a clank. “Shit,” Jennifer said with a laugh

before Samantha cupped a hand over her mouth.

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“Shhh, Rene is out there,” Samantha whispered with a giggle

before removing her hand.

Jennifer struggled to get her pants down to her ankles.

“There’s no room to move.”

Samantha shifted into a sitting position and pul ed Jennifer

up to sit between her legs. Jennifer craned her neck back and

stifled a moan when Samantha’s tongue fil ed her mouth and her

hand slipped between her legs. She slipped two fingers inside

as far as she could push, the palm of her hand pressed against

something that took Jennifer’s breath away.

As Samantha increased the pressure and speed of her thrusts,

Jennifer struggled to breathe. She pulled away from Samantha’s

kisses, feeling a sensation she’d never experienced before. She

gasped and dug her fingers into Samantha’s thigh’s as waves

of pure pleasure washed over the bottom half of her body. Both

hands clasped Samantha’s when she couldn’t take it any longer,

and a quiet sob slipped from her throat.

“Did I hurt you?” Samantha asked, forgetting to whisper.

Jennifer felt a tear slip from her eye and felt Samantha’s body

tense against hers.

“Jen?” Samantha struggled to turn her.

“I’m okay,” Jennifer managed to say around the lump in her

throat. “I don’t know what you just did to me, but it was the most

amazing thing I’ve ever felt. Switch places with me because I’m

gonna try to do it to you.”

Jennifer jumped when Samantha walked into the room. She

had forgotten what intense arousal felt like and pulled the covers

up to her chin to hide the flush she knew was covering her neck.

Lying next to Samantha was going to be torture.

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Chapter 30

The look in Jennifer’s eyes when Samantha walked into the

room turned her insides to jelly. She recognized it for what it was

and turned away. She’d taken an extra long cool shower in hopes

that Jennifer would be asleep when she came to bed. The effects of

the alcohol had faded, and all her inhibitions and sound reasoning

were back in place. They’d been in each other’s company for a

little under two days. They’d worked out their differences, but it

was too soon to mess things up with sex because after that she

knew she wouldn’t be able to think clearly. Her talks with Alan

banged around in her head. What if what he said was true? What

if Jennifer just wanted to see if she still liked it with a woman?

She wasn’t going to be anyone’s guinea pig.

“Wanna watch TV?” Samantha asked lamely. Jennifer shook

her head. She took her time arranging her things, needing a

moment to compose herself, then shut out the light. Careful not

to touch Jennifer, Samantha slipped beneath the covers and faked

a yawn.

Jennifer blew out a long breath. “I’m not sleepy.”

“Yes, you are,” Samantha said quickly.

“No, I’m not, and neither are you.”

“You want to talk—”

“Kiss me, Sam, please.”

Samantha groaned as all her sound reasoning blew out the

window. “I can’t. You know we won’t stop if I do.”

Jennifer rolled over. Her legs brushed against Samantha’s,

and the contact made her skin burn. “Just once, I want to know

what it feels like again.”

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Samantha could feel Jennifer’s breath on her cheek. She bit

her lip, trying to stave off the desire that welled up inside of her.

“Jen, I can’t—” Her words were smothered beneath Jennifer’s lips.

Samantha groaned inadvertently when she felt Jennifer’s tongue

slide into her mouth. Jennifer kissed her hard at first, but when

she felt Samantha reciprocate, she relaxed, and the kiss turned

gentle and passionate all at once. The taste and feel of Jennifer’s

mouth was so familiar, and in some strange way, new.

Jennifer pulled away, breathing heavily, and turned her back

to Samantha. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”

Samantha touched her tingling lips with her fingertips. How

many women had she kissed in hopes she would feel the fire that

burned hot beneath her skin? She’d always reasoned that none

could burn like a first kiss, that Jennifer Tanner alone could not

have that power—but she did. Samantha rolled on her side and

spooned behind Jennifer. Jennifer took her hand and clutched

it tightly to her chest. Samantha could feel her heart pounding

equally as hard as hers.

“What were you thinking about when I walked into the

room?” Samantha asked when her heart rate began to slow.

Jennifer hesitated before answering. “About the time in the

tool shed.”

“God help me,” Samantha said miserably. “You’re killing

me.”“Well, obviously, I’m not doing so well myself.”

“Do you want me to go sleep on the couch?” Samantha asked,

though she didn’t mean it.

“No…damn it.”

Samantha clamped her jaw tight in an attempt to keep in what

she said next. “Let go of my hand, Jen.” She felt Jennifer’s body

slump as she released her hand, then tense as it moved against her

ribcage. “Are you going to tell me to stop?” Samantha found the

hem of Jennifer’s shirt and slipped beneath it.

“You know I can’t,” Jennifer said as her breath hitched. She

reached behind her head and wove her fingers into Samantha’s

hair.Samantha buried her face in Jennifer’s shoulder as her hand

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found her breast. She squeezed the nipple hard between her

fingers and listened to Jennifer’s gasp. “We’re gonna have to be

quiet just like we did in the tool shed,” Samantha whispered.

Jennifer groaned and turned her face into the pillow.

Samantha knew this wasn’t going to be a slow, drawn-out

thing. She would’ve loved to have had the time to taste every inch

of Jennifer’s body. This had been a long time coming. Her hand

moved down Jennifer’s quivering stomach and over Jennifer’s hip.

She pulled Jennifer’s leg over her own. Jennifer was completely at

her mercy as her hand slipped beneath the waistband of her shorts.

Samantha’s moan drowned out Jennifer’s as her fingers slipped

into the warm wetness between Jennifer’s thighs. Jennifer pulled

her hair painfully tight as Samantha slipped deep inside of her.

Samantha stifled another moan as she encircled Jennifer’s clit and

her body convulsed against her. “Is this what you remember about

that day in the tool shed?” Samantha whispered against her ear.

Jennifer’s response was unintelligible as she pushed her face

deeper into the pillow. Samantha dipped inside of her again and

ran her fingers up and around Jennifer’s clit. She repeated the

action until she heard Jennifer take a deep shuddering breath and

hold it. Her body went rigid.

Samantha had never come without being directly touched,

but as she thrust against Jennifer, her own body shook as wave

after wave washed over her. They lay together breathing heavily

until Samantha felt Jennifer begin to relax. She tried to turn in

her arms, but Samantha held her firmly in place. “You can’t

touch me, Jen. I’ll scream so loud that I’ll wake everybody in this

building.”

Jennifer awoke the next morning in the same position with

Samantha curled up snug against her. Samantha’s hand rested

across her stomach still underneath her shirt. She felt Samantha

move and roll onto her back. Jennifer was afraid to face her. “Are

you mad at me?” she whispered.

Samantha’s hand came to rest on her hip. “Of course not.”

Jennifer didn’t turn. “I didn’t give you much choice last

night.”

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She heard Samantha laugh softly. “No, you didn’t, but I’m not

complaining.”

“I’d kiss you now, but I have morning breath.”

“I’d love to kiss you morning breath and all, but I can’t handle

the contact.” Samantha pushed gently on Jennifer’s hip as she tried

to roll over. “David’s in the kitchen. I can hear him rummaging

around. I won’t be able to control myself if you get any closer, and

he’ll hear everything.”

David had already found a place in Jennifer’s heart, but at that

moment, she wished they were alone. She knew that if she rolled

over, nothing would stop her from reaching for Samantha. “I’m

gonna get up and take a shower,” she said as she slipped from the

bed. She left the room without looking back. She understood all

too well about not being in control.

Samantha lay in bed waiting for Jennifer to finish her shower,

then she’d take one of her own. She thought it best that they greet

David together after the brief conversation they’d had the night

before while Jennifer was getting ready for bed. David cut through

every blockade she had like a hot knife through butter.

“Sleep out on the balcony, my ass.” David leaned back and

draped an arm on the sofa. “You both are literally vibrating with

sexual tension. It’s so thick between you two, I can almost see

steam.” His expression turned serious. “You’re going to sleep

together, Sam, that’s a fact, and you know it. Are you ready to

handle the emotion that’s going to trigger?”

Samantha didn’t have an answer. Instead, she blew him off

with a laugh.

What she and Jennifer had done the previous evening was only

the tip of the iceberg. There would be no stopping the meltdown

now. She had no control over what was going to happen, and she

knew it. She only hoped that her heart would be able to take it if

things didn’t turn out well in the end.

“Are you decent?” she heard David call out on the other side

of the door.

“If I said no, would it matter?” Samantha yelled back.

David walked in with a cup of coffee in one hand and the

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other shielding his eyes. “Please don’t be naked,” he said as he

held out the cup to Samantha.

“I’m not, you butthole,” Samantha said with a laugh.

David removed his hand and smiled down at her. “Let’s go

down to the beach and get our tans on.”

Samantha took a sip of her coffee and sighed. “Jen didn’t pack

a swimsuit.”

“Yes!” David pumped his fist. “Shopping trip.”

“For what?” Jennifer asked as she walked into the room.

“David wants to go to the beach, and I told him that you didn’t

pack a suit. Now he wants to go shopping.”

David made swirls in the carpet with his big toe and batted

his eyes. “I’ve waited for y’all to get here, so we could play on the

beach together.”

“Manipulative, isn’t he?” Jennifer took a seat at the foot of

the bed.

“He’s a master. I should’ve warned you.”

“I wanna bungee jump, too,” David said, looking between the

two of them.

Samantha felt her anxiety rise when she saw the sparkle in

Jennifer’s eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to do that. Let’s go shopping,” Jennifer

said, fully on board.

David high-fived Jennifer. “They have tandem jumps, we can

go together.”

Samantha groaned. “Oh, joy, we can all plummet to our

deaths together after spending half the day rummaging through

racks of clothes.”

“That’s not a bikini,” David said as Jennifer held up two

swimsuits for their approval.

“You’re so observant,” Jennifer said with a wink. “Navy blue

or this…funky-looking green?”

Samantha looked at the one-piece Speedos and nodded toward

the green one. “That’s bright, but I think it’ll look good against

your skin tone and hair color.”

Jennifer nodded. “Okay, navy it is then.”

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David turned and grinned at Samantha. “Cocky. She’s so

perfect for you.”

Samantha watched as Jennifer made another pass through

the rack of swimwear with the green suit tucked under her arm.

The hours would tick by at a painfully slow rate until they’d be

alone again. She sighed, thinking it was going to kill her to watch

Jennifer parading around on the beach wearing nothing more

than a slip of Lycra that would no doubt show off every alluring

curve.

“David? Your swimsuit isn’t one of those tiny banana

hammocks, is it?” Samantha asked.

“You wish, baby. Actually, it’s a pair of red board shorts

that has a white stripe across the ass.” David winked. “I think it

enhances the booty.”

When they returned to David’s condo, he put Jennifer’s new

swimsuit into the wash while Jennifer whipped up a salad for

lunch. Samantha sat at the bar and watched while Jennifer sliced

vegetables. It was the first time they’d been alone since that

morning. “Are we okay?” Samantha asked.

Jennifer’s hand faltered. “No, I’m having a lot of problems

being close to you.”

Samantha felt a smile creep across her face. “We’re both

suffering then.” She watched as Jennifer’s lips twitched and

turned up in a grin.

They ate lunch on the balcony, and Samantha felt like she was

living on a slice of pure heaven as her gaze went back and forth

between the water and Jennifer. She’d always loved the ocean, but

it paled in comparison. The only thing missing in this paradise

was Tim. She knew that David was missing him then, too. His

pale eyes had lost some of their shine as they stared off into the

distance. She felt it wrong to feel as good as she did with David

suffering silently beside her.

“Where are you from originally?” Jennifer asked David.

“Sacramento, but my family switched coasts when I was a

boy.”“They live close by then?” Jennifer asked.

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“My folks live about an hour north of here, and my younger

brother lives farther down near the Keys. Much to the consternation

of my father, he’s gay, too.”

“Wow, both of you,” Jennifer said, glancing up. “That must’ve

come as a surprise to your parents.”

“For me, yes.” David chuckled. “Nathan was totally out the

box. He started wearing my mom’s shoes as soon as he could

walk. He was a flaming queen by the time he was six. They

weren’t surprised when he came out. I, on the other hand, was the

starting pitcher for my team in college. Complete jock. So when

my dad walked in on me and the pool boy, he nearly died.”

Samantha laughed. “Talk about being caught in the act.”

“Oh, we were. After that, Dad always went off to play golf

when he knew Jeff was coming to clean the pool. He still loves

me and Nathan, though. Dad’s not totally comfortable with our

sexuality, but he never fails to hug our necks when he sees us.

And, God, he loved Tim.”

“I meant to ask why they didn’t come to the gathering for

Tim,” Samantha said.

“Dad fell and broke his ankle. He had such a hard time getting

around on the crutches, but he was there with me on Tim’s last

day.”Out of the corner of her eye, Samantha saw Jennifer set her

fork down and wipe her eyes with her napkin.

“Nathan stayed behind and helped Mom take care of Dad,

or he would’ve been there, black dress and all.” David grinned

though his eyes had moistened. “It’s really funny. Nathan is built

like a linebacker, but he can sashay with pizzazz.”

“Any chance we’ll see him this trip?” Samantha asked.

David shook his head. “No, he and his new love are in Brazil,

and Mom and Dad are in Tennessee visiting my aunt. That means,”

David began as he pushed his plate away, “that you two will have

to come back soon, so we can all get together.”

“I look forward to meeting them.” Jennifer reached over and

squeezed David’s hand.

Samantha felt a warmth flow through her when she heard

Jennifer speak as if they had a future.

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Chapter 31

The beach was crowded with people enjoying the warmth

of the sun. The stretch that David had led them to was mostly

filled with same-sex couples who seemed totally at ease being

in public and holding hands or rubbing suntan oil on each other.

This was new to Jennifer, who had never been around that many

gays and lesbians at one time. On impulse, she reached over and

took Samantha’s hand as they searched for a spot to lay out their

towels.

Samantha seemed surprised at the gesture but wove her

fingers between hers with a smile. Jennifer had never felt so free.

Up until that moment, she had not realized how truly special it

was to be able to hold hands with another woman and not be the

center of unwanted attention.

David dropped the cooler into the sand and looked back over

his shoulder. “I think this is the spot, ladies. Who wants a drink?”

“I’ll take water,” Samantha said as she laid out their towels.

“I’m afraid of that concoction you mixed in that jug before we left

the house.”

David popped the top on the aforementioned container and

filled a glass that he handed to Jennifer. “A little sangria never

hurt anyone. It’s chock full of your daily supply of fruit.”

Jennifer looked at Samantha nervously before she took a sip

and smiled. “That’s delicious.”

“And that,” Samantha pointed to her cup, “will knock you on

your ass before you know it.”

“Don’t listen to her.” David tossed Samantha a bottle of water.

“She never could hold her liquor.”

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Samantha shot him the finger as she took a healthy swallow

from the bottle and spit out a mouthful. “What the hell is this?”

she asked as she wiped her mouth.

“Oops, that’s the vodka.” David shrugged as he pulled another

bottle from the cooler. “That goes with the cranberry juice.”

Samantha sniffed at the new bottle after she opened it and

took a wary sip. “Don’t turn us into a couple of lushes while we’re

out here.”

David chuckled as he stretched his long lithe form out on his

towel. “Lushy lesbians, what fun.”

Samantha turned to Jennifer. “I’m gonna take a swim and

cool off. Wanna join me?”

“In a minute. You go ahead.” She watched as Samantha

walked off into the water and dipped beneath a wave.

“She’s stunning, isn’t she?” David smiled up at her.

Jennifer took a seat next to him and sipped at her drink,

mentally agreeing. “Thank you for having us. This has been a

really great time so far.”

“You come see me anytime, darling, I’ll show you two a good

time. And we both know you’ll be back again together.”

“We do?” Jennifer watched Samantha bob on the surface of

the water.

“Tim sure did. He told me that one day you two would find

each other again, although he did help that along with his request.

Timmy said a love like yours would not be denied, no matter how

much time passed between you.”

“Sounds like something in a storybook,” Jennifer said

wistfully.

“You’re still very much in love, that’s blatantly obvious.

Samantha’s eye is on every move you make, and it’s not just lust.

You see it, too.”

Jennifer plucked a piece of orange from her drink and nibbled

on it. “It’s kind of scary to want something that much, but I do.”

“Sam’s been through a lot. It’s hardened her in a lot of ways.

If you’re patient, though, she’ll let you back in completely.”

Jennifer glanced over at David. “I won’t hurt her again.”

David looked deep into her eyes as his smile disappeared.

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“Yes, you will. When you leave here and go back to reality,

there will be times that you’ll break her heart, and she’ll break

yours. But hold on and be patient like I said, and she’ll always be

yours.”

“What do you mean?” Jennifer asked as her hand shook. She

put her cup down in the sand and turned, giving David her full

attention.

“Anyone around you two is going to be able to pick up on the

bond. You’re not going to be able to hide behind friendship for

very long.” David reached over and took Jennifer’s hand. “You’re

gonna have to make some tough moves, and one of them is to

tell your family how you feel. Am I right in my assumption you

haven’t told them yet?”

Jennifer nodded. “I take it you know my history and about

my pending divorce.”

David nodded. “I think it’s harder to come out when we’re

older. If you do it when you’re young, everyone eventually adapts.

But in your case, you’ve been married for a long time, and what

you have to say is going to come as a shock. I imagine your family

is going to blame it on a midlife crisis, but they’re really going to

pin it on Samantha. She’s not naïve, she knows what’s coming,

and that’s what scares her the most.”

“Right, she’s afraid that I won’t choose her,” Jennifer said

with resignation.

“Jen, honey. You’re more than likely going to be forced to

choose. I think you know that for sure.” David rubbed his thumb

over the back of Jennifer’s hand in soothing circles just as Tim

had. “Your family may one day come around, but you have to be

prepared if they don’t. It’s not fair, but that’s our lot in life.”

Jennifer smiled through the tears that welled in her eyes.

“You’re so much like Tim. I’m so glad I’m getting to know you.”

“If I live to be a hundred, I’ll never be half the man he was.”

David looked around. “I’m surrounded by hot man flesh, and

nothing appeals to me. Sometimes I think it never will again.”

“Oh, David,” Jennifer said as tears spilled from her eyes.

David gave the back of her hand a kiss, then picked up her drink

and pressed it into her hand. “What was Tim like as an adult?”

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He smiled as he looked out over the water. “I imagine he was

much like he was as a kid. Timmy loved baseball, collected all the

cards. He had a good mind for business, too. He was the one that

got our shops off the ground.” David took a sip of his drink and

coughed. “His sangria was much better than this.”

“He was such a romantic when I knew him,” Jennifer said

with a smile, “always talking about love.”

“That didn’t change.” David shook his head. “He firmly

believed that there is only one true love for each of us. Some are

lucky enough to find it, some search for their other half and never

find it.” David sighed. “And some settle because they think it

doesn’t exist, but in their hearts, they’re always searching for that

missing piece that makes them whole.” David looked at her. “He

believed that you and Sam were two halves of a whole. I think

that’s why he made that request about the ashes.”

Jennifer watched her other half bobbing on the surface of the

water and agreed with Tim because at that moment she felt whole.

“What about you?”

“He was right. He was and always will be my other half.”

Jennifer couldn’t stop the tears that fell from her eyes. Now

more than ever, she understood that the emptiness she had been

feeling for so long was a part of her soul searching for what she

once had. She reached over and took David’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”

His eyes watered as he regarded her. “Don’t be. I had a

wonderful life with him. Dry your eyes. Samantha is on her

way back. I don’t want her fussing at me for making you cry.

Then again, don’t. It’ll be easier for me to guilt her into bungee

jumping.”

“I cannot believe you two talked me into this,” Samantha said

as the three of them were hoisted up. “I fucking hate this.”

“I think I can see my place. Is that my balcony?” David

teased.

Between fits of laughter, Jennifer said, “I see Cuba.”

“Why do we have to lay on our stomachs in this thing?”

Samantha asked. “Why couldn’t we go feet first so I wouldn’t

have to see myself racing toward the ground?”

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“That’s the thrill of the bungee,” David yelled out.

Samantha watched with dread as the people below became

smaller as they rose higher. “If I wet myself. I’ll never forgive

either of youuuu.”

Samantha felt her stomach rise into her throat as they

plummeted toward the ground. She found air in her lungs to

scream when they lurched back up. As scary as it was, it was

exhilarating. Jennifer and David were screaming and laughing

on either side of her. It was the summation of everything she

was going through. She was taking a plunge, and though it was

delightful, it was scary as hell.

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Chapter 32

The nightclub was packed. Multicolored strobe lights

flickered over the bodies that crowded the dance floor. Jennifer

felt the bass of the music pounding through the soles of her feet.

Samantha looked at ease as she perused the club. She didn’t seem

to share the same thrill that Jennifer felt being in her first gay

bar. All around her, people moved with the music. Jennifer felt the

energy and the lust that seemed to permeate the air around them.

She watched as a guy approached David, then they stepped onto

the floor and began moving together with the music.

“Wanna dance?” Samantha yelled over the music.

“I want to watch you dance,” Jennifer said, looking into her

eyes.“By myself?”

Jennifer shook her head. “I want to see you dance with

someone else first. I want to observe these moves you’ve bragged

about.”

Samantha seemed perplexed by the request.

Jennifer leaned in close. “Make no mistake, Samantha, you’re

going home with me, but I think it’d be kind of hot to see you

dance with another woman.”

Samantha grinned back at her. “You are completely

twisted.”

Jennifer molded her body against Samantha’s and slipped her

thigh between her legs. She fisted her hand in Samantha’s hair

and kissed her hard. “You’ll find out later exactly how ‘twisted’

I am.” She gave a very flushed Samantha a gentle shove and

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looked around for the woman she wanted to see Samantha dance

with.“The tall masculine woman standing at the bar. Go ask her.”

Jennifer jutted her chin in the direction of a butch idly sipping a

beer.“I can’t go ask her. What if she thinks I want her?”

“Right,” Jennifer said with a nod. “Better let me do it.”

Jennifer strolled over to the woman, who smiled at her. “Would

you mind dancing with my girlfriend? I wanna sit this one out.”

The dark-haired woman looked over Jennifer’s shoulder and

grinned.

“Just a dance, okay?” Jennifer said, calling her attention

back.

“What’s your name?” the woman asked as her gaze came

back to rest on Jennifer.

“I’m Jen and that’s Sam,” Jennifer said. “And you are?”

“Tammy.” She reached out and shook Jennifer’s hand. “You

want me to be nasty?” she asked with a grin.

Jennifer threw back her head and laughed. “Oh, yes.”

Jennifer noted the shocked expression on Samantha’s face

when she returned with Tammy in tow. “Sam, this is Tammy,

your dance partner.”

“Hi, Tammy,” Samantha yelled over the music.

Tammy took her hand and led Samantha onto the floor as

Jennifer watched after them. Samantha had not lied when she said

she could move. She swiveled her hips in time with the music

while Tammy danced behind her. Jennifer laughed aloud when

Tammy wrapped an arm around Samantha’s waist and began

grinding against Samantha’s backside. The surprised expression

that Samantha wore was priceless.

Samantha caught her eye then, and Jennifer gave her a thumbs-

up. The shocked expression turned into a grin, and Samantha

got into the groove. She leaned back against Tammy’s body

and wrapped an arm around her neck as they moved sensuously

together. Jennifer felt her mouth go dry.

Tammy spun Samantha around to face her and pressed their

bodies tightly together. Jennifer felt her pulse begin to pound

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seeing Samantha so submissive in another woman’s arms. Jennifer

wanted her then more than she ever had. She wanted to be the one

to dominate Samantha. The urge surprised and aroused her.

David and his dance partner moved past Samantha and

Tammy, and she saw the astonishment that registered on his face.

He looked in Jennifer’s direction and rolled his eyes with a laugh.

Jennifer moved onto the dance floor and tapped Tammy on the

shoulder. “My turn now,” she yelled over the music.

Tammy smiled, seemingly pleased that she’d accomplished

what was asked of her, and moved away.

“Satisfied?” Samantha asked when Jennifer moved into her

arms.

Jennifer reached around Samantha and gripped her backside,

pulling Samantha into her. “Painfully aroused but not satisfied

yet.” Jennifer felt the heat between them rise several notches. The

look of wanton desire in Samantha’s eyes thrilled her.

“I want you right now,” Samantha said against her ear before

nibbling on it.

Jennifer grinded harder against Samantha and shook her

head. “You had me last night. Tonight you’re mine.” She smiled

pleased when she felt the groan she’d caused.

They danced for what seemed like an eternity as the fire

stoked higher between them. David came up behind them and

stuffed his keys into Jennifer’s back pocket. “Go home, and leave

the door unlocked. I’ll get a cab when I’m ready to go,” he yelled,

looking at them with a knowing smile.

Jennifer thought it cute that Samantha looked embarrassed as

she led them off the dance floor and into the parking lot. Jennifer

was already breathing heavy as she handed the keys to Samantha.

“You drive, and don’t go slow.”

They were back at the condo within minutes of leaving the

bar. Samantha leaned against the wall of the elevator as they

ascended. Jennifer kept her distance, as well. The looks that

passed between them conveyed more than any spoken word

could. They walked straight into the condo without stopping on

their way to the bedroom. Jennifer closed the door and leaned

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against it, watching as Samantha sat on the bed and tugged her

boots off. “Don’t take anything else off, let me do it,” Jennifer

said as she crossed the room.

Samantha fell back onto the bed as Jennifer climbed astride

her legs and kissed her with a passion they were yet to experience.

Jennifer pulled back, and their lips parted with a smack. As she

unbuttoned Samantha’s shirt, Samantha reached for her. “No.”

Jennifer shook her head. “Don’t touch me. I want you as submissive

as you were on the dance floor with Tammy tonight.”

A burst of arousal shot through Jennifer as Samantha’s eyes

widened and she bit her lip.

“I don’t know if I can keep that promise,” Samantha said

shakily.

Jennifer opened Samantha’s shirt wide and unfastened her

belt. “You will because you won’t be able to move when I’m

finished with you.” She grabbed Samantha by the lapel of her

shirt and pulled her into a sitting position. Samantha let her rip

the shirt free of her body, then her bra. Jennifer shoved her back

down onto the bed as her gaze roamed Samantha’s naked chest.

She heard herself growl and Samantha whimper as she descended

on her and took a nipple into her mouth while pinching the other

between her fingers.

“Fuck,” Samantha said as she arched her back.

The taste of Samantha’s skin and the feel of her body thrusting

against her brought back a volley of memories. Jennifer’s eyes

opened wide unseeing as images of their lovemaking flashed

through her mind. But this time was different. They were no

longer a couple of teens fumbling their way to a hopeful climax.

This time, they knew exactly what they were doing, and the result

was already beginning to overwhelm Jennifer.

She roughly thrust her hand between Samantha’s legs and

stroked her through her jeans, her eyes rolling into her head as she

felt the heat there. Samantha was calling out her name pleadingly

as she gripped at the blanket beneath them.

Jennifer sat up and unzipped Samantha’s pants as she looked

down on Samantha’s chest that heaved with every labored breath.

Her nipples were dark red from Jennifer’s handling.

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“Take your clothes off, Jen,” Samantha managed to say

between ragged breaths. “Let me at least feel your skin against

mine if I can’t touch you.”

Jennifer stood and pulled her shirt over her head. Her bra

landed somewhere on the floor. Samantha’s gaze roved over her

as she pulled off the rest of her clothes. Jennifer couldn’t help but

smile at the stark desire she saw reflected in Samantha’s eyes.

Samantha slid up the bed and kicked the covers away with her

feet as Jennifer crawled back onto the bed and relieved her of her

pants.

Samantha’s groan was loud and long when Jennifer lay fully

on top of her and plunged her tongue into Samantha’s mouth. She

gripped handfuls of sheet and thrust her body against Jennifer’s as

she ground into her. Samantha spread her legs wide and wrapped

them around Jennifer’s waist, pulling her hard against her. “Fuck

me, please,” Samantha said against Jennifer’s mouth.

Heady with the power she held over Samantha, Jennifer kissed

and bit into Samantha’s neck, gasping as Samantha wrapped her

legs tighter around her, forcing an unbearably hot contact between

them. She grabbed Samantha’s arms roughly, knowing that she

would leave bruises as she pushed her way down Samantha’s

writhing body.

“Spread your legs wide, Samantha,” Jennifer said between

gritted teeth. Samantha immediately complied as Jennifer

descended on her, burying her face between her legs. Samantha

released a strangled cry as her hips bucked, trying to force Jennifer

to move her tongue where she wanted it most. Jennifer opened

her mouth wide and slipped her tongue as deep into Samantha

as she could. The taste was exquisite and familiar. Jennifer had

to stop herself from grinding into the bed. Her own climax was

imminent, and she didn’t want to be distracted as she feasted on

Samantha.

Jennifer pushed two fingers easily into Samantha, then added

a third on her next thrust. “Yes!” Samantha cried out. She could

tell that Samantha was teetering on the verge as she ran her tongue

over her clit. Samantha took one labored breath and held it as her

body arched off the bed. Jennifer watched wide-eyed as all the

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muscles of Samantha’s stomach tensed and bunched. She could

feel her tighten around her fingers as her insides began to spasm,

and the taste of her changed.

Samantha fell back onto the bed, gasping as Jennifer moved

between her legs and ground herself hard against her wet heat.

Suspended above Samantha on shaking arms, Jennifer thrust

against Samantha and watched as her unfocused eyes closed. She

watched in awe as Samantha’s brow furrowed, and she gritted her

teeth. Jennifer felt Samantha’s legs stiffen again as she dug her

nails into Jennifer’s backside. The exquisite pain started the volley

of spasms deep within. Her own cries drowned out Samantha’s as

she came hard enough to make her eyes water.

They lay for a long time in an exhausted heap until their

breathing slowly returned to normal. Jennifer propped herself

on one arm and kissed Samantha gently. When she pulled away,

Samantha asked, “Can I touch you now?”

Jennifer smiled as she grazed her fingertips over Samantha’s

fluttering stomach and slipped them between her legs. “I’m not

finished yet,” she said to Samantha’s moan.

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Chapter 33

Samantha didn’t budge as morning light filtering through the

blinds fell across her closed eyes. The slightest movement would

cause Jennifer to stir, and Samantha wanted to lay ensconced in

her arms a bit longer while she thought about the night before. She

replayed every spine-tingling moment beginning with Jennifer’s

surprising request at the bar.

As kids, their time had been spent in the mall, the van, her

bedroom, and at the sandy creek they claimed as their own. Now

as adults, their playground was unlimited. Jennifer seemed more

than eager to experience this whole new world. Samantha only

hoped that she would be able to keep up. She thought she knew

the meaning of the word insatiable, but now she wasn’t so sure.

“You’re awake,” Jennifer said close to her ear.

“How did you know?”

“Because you’re smiling.”

Samantha stretched and groaned. “Could you carry me to the

bathroom? I don’t think I can walk.”

David was sitting on the balcony, a cup of coffee in hand,

when Samantha and Jennifer came out together. They had agreed

that if they lay in bed any longer, there would be a repeat of the

previous night, and they knew that David would hear it all.

“I think our activities will have to be indoors today.” He

pointed at the storm clouds moving in from the east.

“I think that may be a good thing,” Jennifer said as she took

a seat. “I’m exhausted.”

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David grinned at them both. “I’ll bet you are.”

Samantha gave David a nudge as she sat beside him. “And

you’re not? I heard you come in, the clock said three.”

“I danced my ass off, and I got a pocket full of phone

numbers.”

“Yeah?” Samantha returned his grin. “Gonna call any of

them?”

“No,” David said nonchalantly. “But it was kind of nice to see

that I still turn a few heads.”

“You turned more than a few,” Jennifer said. “I saw a lot of

guys checking you out.”

“Really?” David said. “I hope they’ll still be looking if I ever

decide to get back out there.”

“Of course, you realize that if and when you decide to start

seeing someone again, Jennifer and I will have to meet him and

see if we approve.”

Jennifer nodded in agreement. “We’ll need a full credit

history and medical records.” She cocked an eyebrow. “We can

draw our own blood sample if he’s not willing to comply.”

Samantha popped her fist into her hand. “You’d better explain

what’s expected before you bring him around.”

David laughed. “I said ‘if’ I decided to date again. Notate that

in your charts.”

Jennifer said in a softer tone, “Samantha and I look forward

to meeting the lucky man that catches your eye.”

“So how long are you two going to try to keep the topic on

my love life, so I won’t ask about yours?” David looked at them

with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Because last night, you girls

were on fire. Is my guest room still intact? Is the ceiling fan on

the floor?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll pay for the damages,” Jennifer assured

him with the same look he was giving them.

“So are we going to make copies of those pictures today?”

Samantha asked, changing the subject. She felt her face color

when David and Jennifer looked her way and laughed.

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“This is the first shop that Tim and I opened,” David said

as he led them into his store beaming with pride. The smell of

eucalyptus was strong as they followed him down the aisle. “We

sell gift cards, arrangements, and the kitschy stuff that everyone

else does, but as you can see, we cater to the rainbow coalition.”

Jennifer wandered over to a rack of cards and looked back at

Sam with a quizzical expression as she pointed to a card with a

black and white photo of two men locked in a passionate embrace.

Jennifer spun the rack until she found similar cards with women

portrayed in equally scorching poses.

“Are you going to join us for the rest of the tour?” Samantha

said as she bumped Jennifer with her shoulder.

Jennifer didn’t look away from the cards as she replied. “You

go on ahead. I’ll join y’all in a minute.”

Samantha laughed as she walked away and heard Jennifer

blurt out, “Damn, how did she get her leg up that high?”

She joined David at the counter, greeted Ellis, the store

manager, then followed David into the office. Tim’s desk looked

untouched. A pack of gum sat next to the computer keyboard, and

his collection of baseball memorabilia lay scattered about.

“I can’t do anything with it,” David said, following Samantha’s

gaze. “It makes me feel like he’s still here. Ellis keeps it dusted

like he always has and never asks me why I don’t box it all up.”

Samantha felt emotion welling up inside of her as she looked

at Tim’s things and understood why David had left it all be.

“You can sit there if you want. I do it sometimes,” David said

quietly.

Samantha took a seat in the well-worn office chair, picked up

Tim’s favorite cap, and gave it a sniff. She closed her eyes and let

the scent that still lingered fill her senses.

“The Marlins aren’t doing half bad.. I’ve got season tickets,”

Tim said with a grin. “But don’t tell David. It’s a surprise.”

She’d driven to Miami when Tim told her about the diagnosis,

even though he’d asked her not to come. She remembered the way

his eyes lit up when she walked into the shop, then the way he’d

tried to frown.

“You don’t listen very wel , do you?” he asked, refusing to

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step around the counter and give her the hug she so desperately

wanted.

“You wouldn’t have listened to me, either,” Samantha said.

Tim nodded toward the office and Samantha fol owed him.

“Have you told your folks yet?” Samantha asked as she closed

the door behind them.

Tim slowly lowered himself into his chair and pulled the

Marlins hat onto his head. “No, they haven’t spoken to me since

they kicked me out. I doubt they’d care to know.”

“I can move down here.”

“David and his family are doting on me enough. I can’t

handle having another soul feeling sorry for me.”

“I won’t dote, I’ll just be here,” Samantha said.

“You’re always here.” Tim pointed to this chest and smiled.

Samantha opened her eyes when she heard movement.

Jennifer stood in the door looking at her. She watched as Jennifer’s

gaze moved beyond her and widened as she noticed Tim’s things.

Jennifer walked over to the desk and picked up a framed photo of

the three of them.

“He kept a copy of that same picture by our bed,” David said

as he came to stand next to Jennifer. “He said it was the last one

you all took together.”

Jennifer handed the picture to Samantha. She couldn’t

remember who snapped the shot of the three of them leaning

against Samantha’s van. Tim’s smile was huge as he stood between

her and Jennifer with his arms wrapped around their waists.

Samantha sniffed back her tears as she stood and turned to

replace the picture on the desk. “No,” David said as he held her

arm. “You keep it. Put it on the bedside table that you two will

eventually share.”

Samantha felt Jennifer sag against her. She took her in one

arm and David in the other as they all stood together shedding

tears that each one of them had tried to hold back.

“Okay now,” Ellis said. “Everyone smile.”

David stood with his arms wrapped around Jennifer’s and

Samantha’s waists, mimicking the pose in the picture they’d taken

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with Tim, and Ellis squeezed the shutter. They’d chosen a spot in

front of the store, and for just a moment, the sun had come out to

provide its light.

“Tim would be so pleased,” David said when Ellis had

finished. “I’ll e-mail y’all a copy as soon as I download the stuff

on this camera.”

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Chapter 34

Samantha watched as David faded from sight in her rearview

when they left the next morning. They’d spent the previous evening

looking at pictures and video of him and Tim together. They’d

laughed and cried until they could no longer hold their eyes open.

She felt genuinely pleased that morning when David hugged them

both and thanked them for the best few days he’d had since Tim’s

passing, but it broke her heart to leave him again.

While they were alone for a few minutes when Jennifer

showered, she’d confessed to him that she felt guilty for having

such a great time with Jennifer when she was supposed to be

there for him.

“Oh, please, don’t feel like that.” David reached over and

hugged Samantha. “Seeing you two together looking so happy

was one of the things I enjoyed the most.”

“I wish we could stay and hide out here,” Samantha said when

he released her. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when we

get back home.”

David nodded. “Call me any time you need to talk. You know

I’ll drop what I’m doing.”

Samantha looked away. “She’s got a lot of stuff to deal

with.”

“Yes, she does. Show her how much you care and stick by

her, Sam.”

Samantha looked over at Jennifer, who seemed lost in thought.

She wanted to ask if she would come home with her. Move in

with her, but Samantha knew that it was too soon. “You okay?”

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she asked instead. Jennifer nodded wordlessly as she stared out

her window with a tissue clutched tightly in her fist. Samantha

wondered if her tears were only for David.

“Do you want to drive straight through, or will we get a hotel

again?” Samantha asked, feeling unnerved.

Jennifer turned and looked at her. “No, I want to stop. It

doesn’t matter to me if it takes a week to get back home.”

Samantha felt herself relax a bit as Jennifer reached over

and entwined their fingers. “Do you want to talk to me about

anything?”

Jennifer shook her head. “There’s gonna be a lot to discuss

when we get home, but I’d rather wait until we get there.”

Samantha felt the tension that had begun to ebb creep back up

her shoulders and into her neck. “Should I be worried?”

“Not unless you don’t want to see me anymore.” Jennifer

looked as tense as Samantha felt. “Because I’m going to put up

one hell of a fight.”

Samantha blew out a relieved breath and smiled. “Thank

you.”

This time when they arrived at the hotel, there was no

discussion of separate rooms. Samantha requested a king-sized

bed and idly thought about replacing the double in her room at

home. They ordered pizza and relaxed together like they had all

the time in the world.

Samantha had been the one to suggest that they stop after

being on the road for six hours. She didn’t want to wait until

they were exhausted before curling up next to each other in bed.

Jennifer lay with her head on Samantha’s shoulder, her hand

caressing Samantha’s stomach through the fabric of her shirt.

“Jen,” Samantha said, suddenly causing Jennifer to rise up

and look at her. Samantha put her finger beneath her chin and

pulled Jennifer to meet her lips. The kiss smooth as silk ignited a

fire deep within Samantha. Jennifer melted into her as she pulled

her close, weaving her hands into Jennifer’s thick hair. Samantha

broke the kiss and looked into Jennifer’s eyes. “I can’t imagine a

time that I won’t want you like this.”

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“I’ve always wanted you, Sam,” Jennifer said before nibbling

Samantha’s bottom lip.

Samantha rolled Jennifer over and pulled off her own clothes

before undressing Jennifer. She looked over Jennifer’s body

before lying on top of her. “You’ve grown up so beautifully.”

Before Jennifer could reply, she covered her mouth with her own

and dipped her tongue deep inside.

Samantha had intended to take her time and love the body

that she’d only touched in her dreams for what felt like a lifetime.

But her desire to taste Jennifer overtook her, and she couldn’t kiss

and lick her way down fast enough. When she felt Jennifer drape

a leg over her shoulder, Samantha moaned at the delight that

met her tongue. Jennifer hips moved insistently as she gripped

Samantha’s hair with one hand and pushed at the headboard with

the other.

Samantha had no restraint with her. She couldn’t tease or

delay. Her tongue moved against Jennifer’s clit much faster than

she wanted to go. But then again, maybe she’d have the benefit of

this luxury for years to come.

Jennifer cried out Samantha’s name as her body went rigid.

Her nails grazed Samantha’s scalp, and she gripped her hair and

held for a moment. For Samantha, it ended too soon. She rose up

on her knees and knelt between Jennifer’s legs, gently pushing

away the arms that reached for her.

“I’m not finished yet,” Samantha said with a smile as she

quoted Jennifer the last time they’d made love. Jennifer held her

gaze as she slipped two fingers deep inside her. “You’re so wet

and open to me right now.” Samantha looked down and watched

her fingers move slowly in and out of Jennifer.

Jennifer’s hips met her rhythm as she pushed deep inside of

her. “I want to feel you while you’re touching me,” Jennifer said

between heavy breaths.

“You will.” Samantha couldn’t tear her gaze away from what

her hands were doing. She felt the muscles in her stomach quiver

as she added another finger. Jennifer’s body accepted her easily

with each thrust, and Samantha tested her boundaries by adding

another finger.

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Jennifer gasped and moaned as Samantha filled her. She

grabbed at Samantha’s free hand that rested on her thigh and held

it tight.

“How much more of me can you take?” Samantha asked

breathlessly.

“All that you have to give” came Jennifer’s quick reply.

Samantha looked up at her then. With her head tilted back,

Jennifer’s eyes were clamped shut. “Look at me, Jen.” Jennifer’s

lips parted as her eyes opened slightly. “It’s gonna hurt, but not in a

bad way,” Samantha said after she took a deep shuddering breath.

“Hurt me then, Samantha.”

The way Jennifer said her name caused Samantha to groan.

She was torn with wanting to watch Jennifer’s face and her hand

as she slowly pushed all the way into Jennifer. Jennifer’s eyes

opened wide as she gasped. Samantha knew she wasn’t seeing her

then. She was lost in a place where pleasure and pain coalesced.

Samantha moved down onto her stomach as she gently

pumped her hand. She watched first as Jennifer gripped handfuls

of sheet in both hands until her knuckles turned white. With the

first flick of her tongue, she felt Jennifer’s muscles quiver.

“Please stop, Sam, it’s too intense,” Jennifer cried out.

Samantha kissed the inside of Jennifer’s thighs until she felt

her relax, then let her tongue graze Jennifer’s clit again. She very

nearly came listening to the sounds that Jennifer made as she

sucked it. Samantha watched as the muscles in Jennifer’s stomach

tensed beneath her skin, felt her become tight around her hand as

she pumped it, and slid the flat of her tongue over Jennifer. She

closed her eyes when she felt Jennifer’s legs shake and finally go

limp.“Water,” Jennifer said when Samantha slipped her hand from

her. Samantha grinned as she stood on shaky legs and went into

the bathroom to fill a cup. The insides of her thighs were slick as

she returned to the bed. She’d never been so aroused in her life,

not even when Jennifer had ravaged her the night before last.

Jennifer drank the water greedily and sank back down onto

the bed, dropping the empty cup beside her. “That was new,” she

said with a weak smile.

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Samantha smiled down at her and stroked a strand of wet hair

from Jennifer’s face. “I’m afraid you’re gonna be a little sore on

the ride home tomorrow.”

“You will be, too.” Jennifer tugged her hand until Samantha

lay partially on top of her.

Jennifer awoke before the sunrise the next morning, feeling

every muscle in her body come alive with pain. She’d forgotten

how exhausting sex with a woman could be. When she had gotten

her strength back the night before, she’d pushed Samantha down

onto the bed and worked her until neither of them could move.

She smiled as she recalled the tender moments when they’d

caressed and kissed, but that didn’t last long. Both had years of

passion pent up inside, and it all came to the surface whenever

they touched. She figured it would be years before they would

finally calm down enough to gently make love. But she wasn’t in

any hurry.

Samantha lay sprawled across her with her head resting on her

stomach. Jennifer wanted to wake her then and tell her what she’d

been tempted to say the night before. She felt it would diminish

the moment to blurt out that she loved her in the middle of what

she had to admit was fucking. She still cared deeply for Samantha

and felt her feelings growing stronger with each moment. She

knew that simply saying it would not have the impact she wanted

it to on Samantha. She’d have to show it, and that meant telling

her family about the true love in her life. And if they wouldn’t

accept it, it meant walking away.

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Chapter 35

Jennifer wondered what life would bring as they made their

way to Louisiana. What did Samantha expect at this point?

She wondered what she wanted from Samantha. She’d been so

focused on getting Samantha into bed and rekindling old feelings

that she hadn’t thought about what it would be like when they

returned home. She hadn’t wanted to. The last few days had been

like a dream, and she had been content to live in that altered

reality. What was the next step? Would they date? The idea wasn’t

appealing. She wanted to make a life with Samantha.

“What happens when we get home?” Samantha asked

suddenly.

“I don’t think I want to date you.” Samantha looked at her,

and Jennifer grabbed the door handle when the truck drifted right

onto the shoulder. “What I mean to say is, I don’t think I’m going

to be satisfied with the whole dating ritual. I think we’re past that

point, don’t you?”

Samantha seemed to relax. “I would love nothing more than

to have you come home with me. I’d be fine if you wanted to pack

up your entire apartment and move in, but I’ve been reminding

myself that you’ve just gotten out on your own and you might

need time to sort through things for yourself.”

“What you’re saying is that you’re not going to push me. You’ll

let me come on my own terms,” Jennifer said with a smile.

“You’ve been ramrodded all your life. I don’t want to be

guilty of that despite what I feel.” Samantha glanced at Jennifer

for a second. “I’m telling you I want you, and anytime you’re

ready, my door is open. There is something to consider, though.

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You’re not divorced yet, and living with me may cause you some

unwanted problems.”

The last part of what Samantha had to say was like a wet

blanket that smothered the joy out of the conversation. She

was still tethered to Avery and her family. The weight of it felt

insurmountable. If he kept his promise, she would be signing

divorce papers the following week, then it would be time to tell

everyone the truth.

Jennifer was delighted when Samantha agreed to stay with

her at her place when they got back into town. They’d come in,

tossed their things onto the living room floor, and collapsed in

her bed. They slept hard until almost noon the next day. Jennifer

made a quick call to her sister and told her that she’d made it home

safe and sound, then crawled back into bed with Samantha. They

didn’t get up again until almost three, spending their time in each

other’s arms.

“Oh, you nasty little pig woman,” Samantha teased when she

found the stack of magazines that Jennifer had shoved into the

pantry the day they left.

“I’m not always a pig,” Jennifer called from her spot on the

couch. “I can be trained to be tidy if properly motivated.”

Samantha returned to sit beside her with a bag of chips in her

hand. “I need salt. I think you’ve dehydrated—”

They looked at each other in horror when a knock sounded

at the door.

“I hope that’s your landlord coming to collect the rent that

you forgot to pay,” Samantha said as she ran a hand through her

disheveled hair.

Jennifer shook her head as they heard the knock again. She

jumped up and peered through the peep hole. “Oh, God, it’s Mom

and Dad.”

Samantha sat in a chair opposite from where Jennifer’s parents

sat. There had been no time to change out of the shorts and T-shirt

she wore. She crossed her arms over her braless chest and tried to

look at ease. Their last memory of her had to have been when she

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took her bat to Jennifer’s car. Samantha fought the urge to wince.

Janet was looking at her with eyes that demanded to know why

she was still in her daughter’s apartment looking like she’d spent

the morning having sex.

Janet averted her gaze when Jennifer handed her a glass of

tea. “We got in late last night, and I didn’t want Samantha getting

back on the road,” Jennifer explained as she sat on the floor. She’d

no doubt noticed the expression her mother wore.

Hugh looked as uncomfortable as Samantha felt. He’d only

given her a cursory glance before staring at the muted television.

“Did you have a good time?” Janet looked over at Jennifer,

her tone biting and clipped.

“It was a nice trip, yes,” Jennifer said, and the room fell

silent.

Samantha saw Jennifer inhale deeply and exhale. Her hands

shook before she tucked them beneath her legs. “I need to explain

something,” she said, taking a quick glance at Samantha.

Samantha felt her heart begin to pound.

“Sam and I weren’t just friends back in school,” Jennifer

began, her voice quavering.

Samantha’s eyes widened as she clenched her fists. Surely,

Jennifer was not going to do this now.

Janet set her glass down onto the coffee table with a loud

clank and clutched her chest. Hugh tore his gaze from the TV.

“Jan?” he asked as though he had not heard what Jennifer said.

“I can’t breathe,” Janet grunted out.

Jennifer was on her feet in an instant as Samantha sat stunned,

watching the scene play out like it was in slow motion.

“Sam.” Jennifer snapped her fingers a couple of times until

Samantha noticed her. “Call 11.”

Samantha walked numbly into the kitchen and grabbed the

phone. It surprised her when she heard the operator ask what the

emergency was. “Um, difficulty breathing, I think.” Samantha

peered into the living room at Jennifer and Hugh as they sat on

either side of Janet.

She stepped into the living room and relayed the questions

the operator was asking. Jennifer and Hugh took turns answering

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until the operator assured Samantha that help was on the way.

Samantha stood off in the corner as the two men and a

woman wearing fire department T-shirts arrived first and gave

Janet oxygen. The redness had begun to disappear from her

cheeks when the paramedics came in shortly after. It seemed only

seconds had passed when they wheeled Janet out on a stretcher

with Hugh following behind.

Jennifer disappeared into her bedroom while Samantha still

stood stunned and wondering if she’d just dreamed it all. “I have

to go with them,” Jennifer said when she came back into the room

in a pair of jeans with a hooded sweatshirt draped over one arm.

“I’m sorry,” Samantha said, not knowing what else to say.

Jennifer gave her a quick kiss on the lips before disappearing

out the door.

When Samantha had gathered her wits, she found herself

standing alone in Jennifer’s apartment. She moved the coffee

table that had been shoved out of the way back into place. She

took Janet’s glass and the bag of chips she’d been eating back into

the kitchen. And before she dressed, she went into the bathroom

and threw up. For a second, she wondered if she would need an

ambulance herself.

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Chapter 36

Jennifer stood at her mother’s bedside in the emergency room

as the doctor explained that Janet had suffered an anxiety attack.

“She’s got a normal sinus rhythm on the heart monitor, which

means her heart is behaving normally, and all her blood work

appears to be fine.” He patted Janet’s hand. “That’s excellent

given your age. What you’ve suffered is an anxiety attack. I’ve

already given you something to help you relax, and you should

sleep very soundly at home tonight.”

He turned his attention to Hugh and gave instructions for a

follow-up visit with their regular physician. “Someone will be in

shortly with the discharge papers,” the doctor said as he shook

Hugh’s hand.

“Well, that’s good news.” Hugh looked at Janet. “We can take

you home.”

He had not spoken directly to Jennifer since they arrived;

she felt her insides twist into knots as he avoided her gaze now.

Jennifer wanted to apologize for upsetting her mother but worried

that if she said anything else, they’d be admitting her.

Janet’s eyelids were heavy as she looked straight ahead as if

she refused to acknowledge Jennifer’s presence. “I’ll call Jackie

and let her know you’re all right,” Jennifer said.

Hugh cleared his throat. “Good idea. Why don’t you do that

now, and I’ll get your mother ready to go.”

Jennifer left a message on Jackie’s voice mail when she

didn’t answer. She waited until a nurse wheeled her mother to

the car and watched as she and her father moved Janet into the

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passenger’s seat. Hugh glanced her way for a second and said,

“We’ll see you later.”

Jennifer returned home to an empty apartment.

I didn’t know if I should hang around. I wasn’t sure if you’d

be back tonight or not. Please let me know how your mother is

doing when you get this note. It doesn’t matter if it’s late. And if

you want me to, I’ll come back over.

I’m so sorry, Jen.

Sam

Jennifer picked up her phone with the intent of calling

Samantha when Jackie’s ID showed up on her screen.

“Why haven’t you called me yet?” Jackie demanded.

“I left you a voice mail that you obviously didn’t listen to. I

just got home. Mom is—”

“I know,” Jackie said. “Dad called. What happened?”

“She had an anxiety attack.”

“I know that,” Jackie said irritably. “What caused it?”

Jennifer leaned against the kitchen counter and closed her

eyes. She wasn’t up to this, not now. “I don’t know.”

“Bullshit. I asked Dad the same thing, and he told me to ask

you.”Jennifer heard her nephew’s voice in the background. “What

is Tucker doing up so late?”

“We just got home from a camping trip. He’s getting ready

for bed.”

“This isn’t something we can discuss in front of him,” Jennifer

said. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“No, I’m going to put him to bed and you’re going to tell me

what upset Mom.”

“Jackie, look,” Jennifer said, raising her voice. “I’m exhausted,

and I need some sleep. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

“Call me first thing in the morning,” Jackie said angrily and

disconnected.

Jennifer took a deep breath and called Samantha. “Don’t

take this the wrong way,” Jennifer said when Samantha answered

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on the first ring. “I’m glad you weren’t here when I got home. I

wouldn’t have been good company, and I’m just so tired.”

“I still feel like an ass. I didn’t know what to do. I thought that

maybe they might come back to your place instead of making the

trip back up to Clinton if it wasn’t serious. I didn’t know if it was

a good idea for me to be there if they came back.”

Jennifer smiled. “You made the right decision, so you can

stop kicking yourself. I’m going to ride up there tomorrow. I

think I need to get it all out on the table before they start filling in

blanks for themselves.”

“I’ll go with you if you want me to,” Samantha offered.

Jennifer considered that for a second. She would be

outnumbered, and it would be nice to have someone on her side.

He parents, though, would dismiss the validity of what she had to

say if Samantha were present. “I better face them alone this time.

They’ll want their privacy and I’ll respect that, but in the future,

I will take you up on the offer.”

“Future, I like the sound of that,” Samantha said, and Jennifer

could tell she was smiling.

“I’ll call you when I get back.” Jennifer paused for a second.

She wanted to tell Samantha how she truly felt and hopefully hear

Samantha say it back. “I…can’t wait to see you again.”

“Jen…this past week.” She heard Samantha swallow. “Thank

you for coming with me. I can’t put into words how much it has

meant, but—”

“I’m not entirely sure what you were about to say, but it’s

not over, Sam. I intend to stretch this week out for the rest of our

lives.”

“When will I see you again?”

“Tomorrow evening after I get back from Clinton. I’ll come

to you. Text me your address.”

“I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night then. It’s been

a long time since I’ve said that and truly meant it.”

“See you then, Sam,” Jennifer said as she ended the call.

Jennifer held her phone to her forehead. Things were not

going as she planned. She cursed her impulsivity, but with the

way her mother was scrutinizing Sam, who looked every bit like

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she’d been having sex all afternoon, the time seemed right. She

wished that she would’ve had the opportunity to lay it all out then

because now they would have time to stew. She’d be walking into

the lion’s den the next day.

Samantha sank back onto her couch. She ached from head

to toe from the drive and from the workout that she’d gotten that

day. Her body demanded sleep, but her mind wouldn’t allow it.

It was obvious from the cool greeting that she’d gotten from the

Tanners that all had not been forgotten. Add to that Jennifer’s

partial admission, and she knew that they would hate her even

more so now.

She and her own mother had never been really close even

before she’d found out about her relationship with Jennifer. After

that, the abyss between them continued to get deeper and wider.

But even after all these years with all the anger and bitterness

between them, a part of her wished that she could have some

semblance of a relationship with her mother.

Jennifer had always been close to her family, even with her

mother’s imposing ways. She knew in her heart that there would

be no compromise, certainly not at first, if ever. She wondered

and hoped that what had been rekindled between them would be

enough to make Jennifer come back, but she hated that she would

be forced to choose. Guilt consumed her as she stared at the

ceiling. As much as she loved Jen, she didn’t feel worthy of such

a sacrifice. What made her feel worse was that she was sending

her off to fight her family without hearing how much she still

loved her.

Three words sat perched on the edge of her tongue, but she

couldn’t make herself say it. She wanted to be looking in Jennifer’s

eyes when she told her that she still held her heart completely. She

hoped that she would still have that chance.

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Chapter 37

“I understand why you’re not bringing Samantha with you,”

Michelle said, “but I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this alone.

You could turn around and pick me up. I could wait in the car and

just be there to support you when…”

“When they toss me out on my ass?”

“From what you’ve just told me, you don’t expect this to go

well, do you?”

“Judging by my mom’s tone when I called to say I was coming

up, no, I don’t expect it to go well at all, but if I show up with an

ally, that’s just going to add fuel to the fire. They’ll want to pin

blame on anyone they can rather than accept the truth.”

“I still can’t believe you blurted it out like that to your

parents.”

“I could see it on my mom’s face—she knew. Samantha’s

hair was all over the place, her lips were bruised, and I’m sure

I looked the same. We looked like two people who had spent

the day making love. I felt like I’d been put on the spot, that an

explanation was expected.”

“A word of advice,” Michelle said with a laugh. “Never commit

a crime because you’ll confess the minute you’re questioned. I

guess you and Samantha had a good trip then.”

“Wonderful, life-changing,” Jennifer said with a smile.

“Hang on to that great feeling today because you’re going to

need it.”

“I know.”

“Call me later even if it’s after I go to work. I want to know

you’re okay.”

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“I’ll do it.”

Jennifer ended the call and thought of every argument her

mother might present. She composed a rebuttal to each one. Her

father would sit quietly as he always did, letting her mom do the

speaking for both, but Jackie would not. She hadn’t called her that

morning, neither did Jackie call her. That meant she already knew

what had transpired. Jackie would’ve called, but that she didn’t

meant that she was on their mother’s side, and Jennifer would be

alone with no ally.

She had spoken with her attorney that morning, and Avery

had come through for her. On Wednesday, they would meet and

sign the papers. The final step would be done, and she would be

truly free.

As she walked into the house, there were no warm welcomes

or hugs. Her father and mother and Jackie sat on the couch looking

like a firing squad, leaving her, the target, to sit in a chair across

from them. She crossed her legs and forced herself to look into

her mother’s eyes. “Well, I guess it’s obvious that you’ve been

expecting me,” she said with a half smile.

“What is going on with you, Jennifer?” Janet asked. Not Jen,

not hon. She was surprised that her mother had not whipped out

her middle name like she did when she was a child and in trouble.

She’d realized that it had been a mistake to pull Samantha into

the equation the previous night. This was and wasn’t about her.

Bottom line, she was a lesbian, and that’s what they needed to

know first.

“The reason I asked Avery for a divorce was that I’m not in

love with him, I never was,” Jennifer began calmly. “I do care for

him very much, but I’ve reached a stage in my life that it’s not

enough.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve come to accept something

about myself, and I’m ready to admit it now. I’m—”

“Going through a midlife crisis,” Janet said.

Jennifer would’ve laughed had she not been so pissed off for

being interrupted. David had been right on the money.

“All women go through it, but you’re dealing with it especially

because you have no children.” Janet held up her hands as though

it were all that simple. “I don’t think any of us has not woken up

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one day and wondered what we were doing with our lives and if

this was all there is.”

Jennifer shook her head. “That’s not it.”

“Yes, it is,” Janet shot back. “With some counseling and

communication with your husband, this can be worked out, and

you’ll see that you can be happy again.”

Jennifer smiled ruefully. “You’re not interested in hearing

anything I have to say. I think you’d be perfectly content with me

just nodding and walking out.”

“You’re the type of women that needs someone to direct her

path, Jennifer.”

That was the first shot fired from the squad, and it hit

Jennifer squarely in the head. Her fingers twitched with anger

that spilled out of her, but still, she bit back her retort. Her gaze

fell upon her father, who sat mute. “I’ll have to concede on that

point. I have sat back quietly and let you call the shots because

honestly, I was too afraid to admit who I truly was.” Janet started

anxiously rambling about marriage and its virtues, but Jennifer

went on. “I’m a lesbian, always have been, and I’ve been living a

lie because I was a coward.”

The room fell silent.

Janet huffed. “You’re confused, suffering a crisis, but

certainly not that.”

“What works for Samantha isn’t going to work for you,”

Jackie said, speaking up for the first time.

Janet jumped on her statement. “She took advantage of you

as a child. That’s what you were trying to admit last night. She’s

a—”“We were both children.” Jennifer sat up straight. “And here’s

the truth. I kissed her first, and I—”

“No.” Janet shook her head vehemently. “No. She was a bad

seed. Her mother let her do as she pleased, did nothing to rein her

in. She was probably molested by one of her mother’s boyfriends,

and that’s why she put her hands on you.”

Jennifer’s jaw sagged as Janet continued.

“I feel sorry for her, I do, but she’s got some problems. You

are not like that.”

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“Samantha was never molested,” Jennifer said resolutely. “As

long as I knew her, Samantha’s mother never brought men to the

house.”

“How would you know that? I never let you go to that

house.”

“I was there all the time. Jackie dropped me off whenever she

went out.” Janet turned and looked at Jackie, whose face colored.

It was a cheap shot, Jennifer knew that, but it was time to be

honest about everything. “I was the aggressor back then and now,

too. I didn’t touch her out of some random curiosity. I loved her,

and I still do.”

“Well, I guess you can add adulterer to your list of sins,”

Janet said hotly.

“I was never unfaithful to Avery, maybe in my heart because

it belonged to someone else, but I never strayed outside of my

marriage. Look,” Jennifer held her hands up, “Samantha is not

the cause of this. I’m an adult, and I’ve come to some conclusions

about my life. I understand if you’re shocked and don’t want to

accept it, but that doesn’t change anything. I’m a lesbian, and I

want a life with Samantha.”

“I can’t expose my kids to that,” Jackie said. “I won’t. They’re

too young to understand why their Uncle Avery has been replaced

by some woman. You need to stay away from them.”

That shot hit Jennifer squarely in the chest. She felt her lungs

deflate as if she had been hit with an actual bullet. “You would

take your kids from me?” Jennifer said barely above a whisper.

“You’ve made your decisions without thinking of anyone but

yourself. You haven’t given one moment’s thought about how this

will affect them.”

Jennifer clamped her eyes shut against the tears that welled

up in her eyes. “It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Jackie said. “You can get your head on

straight, or that’s how it going to have to be.”

“What an incredibly shitty thing to say,” Jennifer said as she

stood. “You’d use your children as a bartering tool?”

Jackie looked at her haughtily. “Like I said, it’s your choice.”

“Well, fuck you.” Jennifer moved to the front door.

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“Wait just a minute,” Hugh called out, but Jennifer did not

wait. She would not listen to any more. The line had been drawn.

She sobbed as she slammed the door behind her. The symbolism

was too much to bear.

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Chapter 38

By late afternoon Samantha was worried that she had not

heard from Jennifer. She left several messages that had not been

returned. She had moved onto her front porch listening intently

for the crunch of gravel that would indicate someone on the

driveway. The sounds of birds and squirrels and the rustling of

the marsh grasses filled her ears. Jennifer wasn’t coming.

She was still sitting there well after dark when her cell phone

chimed. She swallowed hard before reading the message, Today

didn’t go well. I need some time alone to think. Jennifer would

have done better by her if she hadn’t sent the message at all.

Samantha sighed as she typed back, I understand, but I’m

here if you want to talk, and if you change your mind about being

alone, I’ll come.

There was no reply.

“You look like shit,” Alan said when he met Samantha in the

parking lot the next morning. “Must’ve been some wild trip.”

Samantha didn’t want to explain what had happened, so she

smiled and faked it as best she could. “It was. I’m exhausted.”

Alan’s brow furrowed as he scanned her face, then it relaxed.

“I’d like to hear all about it, but we have a lot of work to do. The

Savannah is in, and she’s carrying six barges. We’re gonna be

asses and elbows all day.”

Samantha knew she’d been let off the hook as she walked

alongside Alan as they approached the dock. “They fixed the

ladder and catwalk while you were gone. You missed the safety

meeting with the higher-ups, too. We all got really cool jackets as

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gifts, yours is at my house. You’ll see the safety bonus on your

next pay stub. No one dicked that up this quarter.”

“Sweet.” Samantha tried to sound enthusiastic. “I’m gonna get

that new motor for my boat. What’re you gonna do with yours?”

“Last one was mine, this one’s Aleta’s. She’ll probably sock

it all away for Christmas, though she’s been wanting a new

sewing machine. I’ll grab a few extra OT shifts and get it for her

anyway.”

As they walked onto the dock, she saw the Savannah

anchored nearby. Barges were in every berth. Two were riding

high in the water. Their offloads would be done soon, but she still

had a day’s worth of work ahead of her. The dock man she was

relieving signed off on the paperwork with a yawn and left with

a sleepy “good luck.” Samantha walked the catwalk making sure

all the moorings were adjusted properly. She waved at Alan on

the other end as they watched the two tankermen hovering over

their pumps so they wouldn’t lose prime. If either lost suction

on the last of the product, calls would have to be made and suits

would join them on the dock. She crossed her fingers, hoping that

wouldn’t happen.

After a few hours of restless sleep, she’d checked her

phone—no new messages. She’d slept in the T-shirt that Jennifer

had loaned her when she stayed at the apartment. She was still

wearing it under her coveralls to assure herself that the last week

had not all been a dream. She wondered as she scuffed her boot

on the catwalk if that shirt was all she would have to hang on to.

Alan’s favorite saying was “like a monkey with a handful of

razor blades.” That best described what loving Jennifer felt like.

A wild animal out of control slicing away at all her defenses, and

she was incapable of stopping it. And the really sad part was she

didn’t want to.

Jennifer stood under the hot spray of water, letting it wash

away the tears that came the minute she opened her eyes that

morning. When she finally fell asleep, she was disturbed by the

dreams that played in her mind. She was standing on the beach

alone, and a huge wave was headed toward her. She couldn’t run.

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Instead, she watched as it grew higher and higher while it sped

toward her. She had awoken with a jerk before the wave overtook

her. When she fell back to sleep, it was her and Samantha at a hotel

she didn’t recognize. They were running hand and hand down

the halls as a wave followed behind them. Jennifer looked back

over her shoulder. She could see furniture and people churning

in the water as it gained on them. Samantha pulled her into a

doorway and held her tight as the wall of water surged past, not

even wetting their shoes.

The water from her shower began to grow cold. Jennifer

shut it off, shivering as she opened the curtain and reached for

her towel. She could hear her phone chime indicating that she

probably had another scathing text message from Jackie. After

reading the first that said she had wrecked their family, Jennifer

began deleting them without reading. Samantha’s message had

been the one that broke her heart. I’m still here.

She couldn’t reply.

As she tugged on her robe, she went into the kitchen and started

a pot of coffee. The one person who could give her comfort was

the one she didn’t want to talk to. How could she make Samantha

understand how she was feeling without making her feel guilty?

She was too busted up inside to talk without buffers. If Samantha

knew how miserable she was, Jennifer knew she would try to

step back, pull away so that she could go back to her family. She

would if the roles were reversed. She felt selfish and manipulative

for not allowing Samantha to make that choice.

Michelle had disagreed with keeping Samantha at arm’s

length when Jennifer called to let her know she was okay. “She

needs to be with you as much as you need her right now.” Jennifer

knew she was right, but the wounded part of her wanted to recoil

and hide until she got her bearings.

When the coffee was done, Jennifer studied the piece of paper

sitting on her kitchen table. David had slipped it into her purse

as they were leaving. Just in case you need me. His cell phone

number was scrawled beneath it. Jennifer dialed the number.

Tears began anew when she heard his voice.

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“Well, I need you,” she said with a sniff.

“Thought you might. Let me go into my office so I can give

you my undivided attention.”

She heard David moving around and the squeak of a door. “I

know you’re at work, so if you have to go, please don’t hesitate

to say so.”

“I’m here as long as you need me, so start talking, sweetie.”

Jennifer drummed her fingers on the table to keep from

gnawing on her cuticle as she relayed what had happened from

the moment her parents arrived at the apartment.

“So she pulled the midlife crisis out of her hat.”

Jennifer smiled wearily. “She did, and I almost laughed.”

“I never went through this, Jen, you know my story. I can

kind of relate because of what happened to Tim. Poor baby, every

few years, he’d call in hopes that they could at least have some

sort of relationship, but they wouldn’t have anything to do with

him. Your family may come around, but if they don’t, maybe you

should adopt Tim’s attitude.”

“What was that? Piss up a rope, fuck off, and…” Jennifer

couldn’t bring herself to say the last part— die.

“He forgave them, even though they never knew it. He didn’t

understand how they could cut their flesh and blood out of their

lives, but he woke up every day and said aloud that they were

forgiven. He went to his grave with peace in his heart.”

Jennifer gulped back a lump of emotion. “I don’t think I have

the strength to do that right now.”

“I’m sure you don’t, but one day you will.”

“I don’t know what to do with Samantha right now. I know

she wants to talk, but I’m such a mess. I can’t be strong for myself

and her, too.”

“You don’t have to, honey. You haven’t had the benefit of a

relationship where you can count on the other person to be strong

when you’re weak. Explain to her how you feel and that you don’t

want her to pull away while you go through this. I promise as long

as she knows that, she’ll be there.”

Jennifer smiled through her tears. “You know her pretty well,

too, don’t you?”

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“I think anyone who truly loves you in her position would

feel terribly guilty. As long as you reaffirm to her that you need

her, Samantha will stick by your side. You know this about her,

too.”“I’ve been too focused on my misery to consider that.”

“Give her a chance, Jen, and be strong for her when she needs

you.”“I feel like I’m talking to Tim himself,” Jennifer said with a

sniff. “He could always help me see things through.”

David laughed softly. “I’m truly complimented. Now go call

Samantha, then after you two work it all out, call me back.”

“I will.”

“Love you, Jen.”

She closed her eyes at the comforting sentiment. “I love you,

too.”

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Chapter 39

Samantha’s heart skipped a beat when she read Jennifer’s text

message. Call me when you can.

She had spent her day wondering what would come next.

Would Jennifer decide it was too much and brush her off? She’d

prepared herself for that. This time, she wouldn’t go so easily. She

wouldn’t force herself into Jennifer’s life, but she was determined

to let her know that she would always wait. And she would. Having

a taste of what life could be like with Jennifer had convinced her

that life with anyone else would be a waste. She’d wait until she

took her last breath if she had to. Her hand shook slightly as she

pushed the send button.

“Hey, I’m sorry about the text last night,” Jennifer said when

she answered.

Samantha grinned and shifted gears as she pulled onto the

highway leading from the plant. “I understand that you needed

time to cope.”

“I did, I was a mess…I still am.”

Samantha’s heart broke when she heard Jennifer’s voice

quaver. “Feel like telling me what happened?”

“Not yet. I just really needed to hear your voice.”

“You can hear it in person if you want. I can bypass my house

and come to you.”

Jennifer was silent for a moment. “You have to work tomorrow

and so do I. You’re off for the next two days after that, right?”

“I am.” Samantha tried not to sound disappointed.

“I can come by after you get off tomorrow, and if you want,

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I could spend the next couple of days with you.” She sniffed.

“I’d really like to be in your arms without having to worry about

getting up early the next day.”

“And what you’re really saying is that you need one more

night to yourself,” Samantha said with a smile.

Jennifer laughed. “That too. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it is. I’ll make dinner and spoil you rotten,” Samantha

said with a laugh. “Just come to me.” Jennifer’s sigh melted her

heart.

“I will.”

They said their goodbyes, and Samantha’s heart soared. The

next night, she would tell Jennifer exactly how she felt, and with

any luck, she would stay a lot longer than two days.

Jennifer worked much later than she intended to. The meeting

with Avery had cut into her day, even though it had been quick

and cordial. She spent the rest of her time with her attorney filling

out the paperwork that would begin the process of getting her last

name back.

She looked at her watch as she raced inside her apartment. It

was already after five, and Samantha would be off at six. She had

intended to be well on her way and maybe even meet Samantha

as she came home. All she had to do was shower and grab her bag

and the directions she had printed out to get to Samantha’s. She

was unbuttoning her shirt when she heard the door open behind

her. “You forgot to lock it,” Jackie said as she stepped in.

She wore no makeup, and her eyes were dark beneath. Her

normally coiffed hair was pulled back in a haphazard ponytail.

“Why are you here, Jac?”

“You won’t answer my calls or my texts.”

Jennifer buttoned her shirt back up. “Would you have

answered those? They were pretty hateful.”

“Probably not.” Jackie took a seat on the sofa and looked at

her. Jennifer pulled out her cell. “Wait a sec.” She sent a quick

message to Samantha and sat down.

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“Was that her?” Jackie pointed to the phone. “Samantha?”

“I’m going to meet her, so I told her I’d be late.”

Jackie made a face and looked away. “I don’t understand you

at all.”

“I know.” Jennifer looked down at the dirt stains on her pants

legs. “One time when I was taking you and her to the mall, I looked

into the backseat and you were holding hands. I thought it was a

kid thing. Lots of girls were affectionate with each other back

then. Carol and I used to walk arm in arm, but we weren’t…” She

looked at Jennifer. “How do you know that this isn’t some sort

of…kid thing?”

“Because I’m almost forty, and I still want to hold her hand.

She’s the one, Jac. I know you don’t get that. You could at least

try.”“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you’re the one who is

not getting it? You’re giving up your whole life for her. What has

she got to lose? For all you know, she could just be fucking with

you until the next woman comes along.”

Jennifer pinched the bridge of her nose. “You don’t know her

like I do. You and Mom and Dad never even tried. You took one

look at her and decided she was trash.”

“First impressions are always the most lasting.”

Jennifer tried to keep her cool. She wanted to work things

out with Jackie in hopes that she would be able to see Tucker

and Kelsey again. “If you were in love with Rick, but that was

wrong in everyone else’s eyes and you married Carol because it

was what you were supposed to do—”

“Oh, stop,” Jackie said. “That’s just stupid. You’re not going to

make me see this any other way than what it is, sick and depraved.

This is exactly why I will not allow you in my kids’ lives.”

“I am not sick or depraved, you self-righteous ass! When you

stepped out on Rick with that guy you met in a chat room, what

was that? Don’t sit here and tell me that you were thinking of your

kids then. I never told a soul. I kept your dirty secret because I

knew it would hurt everyone.”

“You should’ve kept yours,” Jackie retorted with a finger in

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Jennifer’s face. “You should’ve kept this shit to yourself until you

had your fill.”

“Get out!” Jennifer yelled as she stood. “I can’t take this

anymore. If you’re gonna cut me out of your life, then do it. Don’t

call me anymore, and don’t come by here again.”

Jackie rose slowly to her feet. She angrily wiped at the tears

that brimmed in her eyes and walked out.

Jennifer didn’t bother to shower. She grabbed her bag and the

map and was out the door when she was sure Jackie was gone. She

slid the key into the ignition and turned it—nothing. “Motherfucker.”

Jennifer laid her head against the wheel and cried.

Jennifer was quiet. Samantha glanced over at her every so

often as she drove toward her house. Jennifer’s car was history,

but she couldn’t bring herself to tell her that, especially after the

fight she’d had with Jackie. She looked too beaten down and tired,

and one more bit of bad news would no doubt send her to tears

again.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not at the moment, but I will be after a shower.” She looked

down at her jeans and frowned. “I’m sorry I’m so filthy.”

“I’m glad you called and agreed to come home with me. I’ll

take you filthy, clean, smelling like monkeys, it doesn’t matter.”

Jennifer smiled at that but didn’t look her way.

“When we get home, you can shower and I’ll start dinner.”

“Sam,” Jennifer said softly. “I don’t blame you for any of

this…stuff going on with my family.”

“I couldn’t blame you if you did. If you let me, I’ll spend a

lifetime trying to make up for the misery you’re feeling now.”

Jennifer put her hand atop Samantha’s. “There’s nothing to

make up for.”

Jennifer looked around and smiled when she walked through

the front door. “I understand what you meant by utilitarian. Your

place is beautiful, though.”

“You’ll see more of it after your shower.” Samantha took her

hand and guided her down the hall to her bedroom.

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“I smell that bad?”

Samantha laughed. “No, I want you to be able to relax.”

She set Jennifer’s bag in the bathroom and pulled a towel and

washcloth from the cabinet. “Make yourself at home,” she said

with a quick kiss and closed the door.

She stepped into the hallway and leaned heavily against

the wall. “Dear God, I hope I’m worth the agony she’s been

through.”

“You are,” Jennifer said from behind her.

Samantha spun, startled. “Did you need something?”

“I was going to tell you that I like my steak…Sam, you are

worth it. Please don’t doubt that.”

Samantha reached for Jennifer, who stepped back. “I’ll get

you dirty.”

“I don’t care.” Samantha pulled her into her arms. “I’m so in

love with you. I always have been.” She felt Jennifer relax into

the embrace.

“I love you, too.”

Samantha pulled back and stroked Jennifer’s hair away from

her face. “I know you do. I feel it just like I did when we were

young.”

Jennifer leaned in and kissed Samantha before saying, “More

so now. Can we…delay the steaks for a little while longer?”

Samantha’s brow rose. “Still not hungry?”

“I am,” she said with a smile, “but right now, I need a shower

and I think you do, too.”

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Chapter 40

Samantha was so tired she could barely make it up the

driveway. She’d been on her feet all night while the boats and

barges kept coming. She smiled wearily when she saw the lights

on in the house. For years, she had come home to nothing and no

one. Inside, Jennifer was waiting for her. She could smell bacon

frying as she climbed from the truck. She had never been so doted

on in her life.

As she walked into the den, she noticed how much it had

changed over the past few months. There were plants in front of

the windows—many, many plants. Pictures of her and Jennifer

and David and Tim on the mantel, artwork on the walls. Jennifer’s

school books on the floor in front of the couch indicated how

she’d spent the evening.

“Good morning, love,” Jennifer said as she walked into the

room and wrapped her arms around her neck. “I missed you.”

Jennifer’s lips were sweet, tasted of orange juice as she kissed

her. “I missed you, too.” She sighed happily as Jennifer led her

to the table and pulled out a chair in front of a hot plate of food.

“You spoil me.”

Jennifer took the seat opposite her. “You spoil me, too.”

“Do you have class today?” Samantha asked before gulping

down half of her juice.

“Nope, not today.”

“Good.” Samantha yawned.

“You’re exhausted. I can see it on your face.” Jennifer refilled

Samantha’s juice glass.

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“I am, but I want you to wake me up at ten anyway. We have

things to do.”

Jennifer shook her head. “We don’t have anything to do,

nothing important anyway. You’ll sleep tonight even if you sleep

late today,” Jennifer said with a wink. “I’ll wear you down.”

“Got my quarterly bonus, and I want to go shopping.”

“You want to shop?” Jennifer’s brows rose. “I’ve never heard

you say that before. Tell me what has you wanting to go to the

store.”

“I don’t wanna go to the store,” Samantha said before taking

a bite of her eggs. She looked at Jennifer when she fell silent.

“What?”

“What do you mean, what? You’ve got my curiosity

piqued.”

Samantha grinned. “Well, you’re gonna have to stay piqued

until I wake up today ’cause I’m not telling.”

“That’s cold, Sam.”

Samantha giggled. “I know.”

Jennifer frowned when they pulled into the Dodge dealership.

“Car parts? We’re shopping for car parts? No wonder you didn’t

tell me.”

“Won’t take long, I promise.” Samantha climbed out of the

truck.

“You said that at the boat store, and we stayed there all day.

How about I wait in the truck? That way, I know you won’t camp

out in there.”

“No, I need your help. Now get out.”

Samantha grinned behind Jennifer’s back as she jumped from

the truck. “You like my truck, don’t you?”

Jennifer grinned back at her. “Yeah, it makes me feel all butch

when I drive it.”

“Wouldn’t you love it more if it were red like that one over

there?” Samantha pointed to a fire engine red truck on the lot.

“Are you considering trading yours in?” Jennifer glanced at

the truck Samantha indicated. “Yours barely has fifty thousand

miles.”

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“No, Jen.”

Jennifer turned and looked at her for a moment. Samantha

watched with a satisfied grin as Jennifer connected the dots. “Oh,

no.”“Yes.” Samantha nodded.

“Get back in the truck. You’re insane.”

Samantha blocked Jennifer as she tried to open her door.

“Think,” she said as she held up a finger. “We need two vehicles.

My truck is paid off, and with the safety bonuses I’ve been saving

up, the down payment is going to be huge, the note will be tiny.”

“That’s your money, Sam. With school expenses, I can’t

afford a note.”

“So when you graduate and become the nurse you said you

never wanted to be, you’re not going to help support me through

retirement?”

Jennifer looked indignant. “Of course I will.”

“You know, Jen…” Samantha pulled her close. “It’s time you

stop looking at what’s in my bank account as my money.” She

looked around to make sure no one was watching as she kissed the

back of Jennifer’s hand. “In my opinion, that’s not how marriage

is supposed to be.”

Jennifer looked at her for a second. “Are you proposing to me

in a parking lot?”

“Yes, and that red truck over there is your engagement ring.”

Samantha looked her in the eye. “This isn’t really the way I wanted

to propose to you, and that truck isn’t really the ring I picked out

for you, but I am serious. I love you, Jen. Please say yes.”

Jennifer sighed and smiled. “I am married to you, Sam, and

if you want to have a ceremony to seal it, then yes, I will marry

you officially.”

Samantha grinned and kissed her without worrying about

who might be looking. She took Jennifer by the hand and led her

toward the truck. “It’s got the sport package, but if you don’t want

to have to shift, we can order the same truck with an automatic

transmission.”

“You little shit, you’ve already been looking at it, haven’t

you?”

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Samantha grinned as she opened the door. “Test drove it last

night before my shift. She’s fast.”

Jennifer climbed into the driver’s seat and looked back

at Samantha. “It’s loaded. I’ve never had a brand new vehicle

before.”

Samantha leaned in close as she watched a salesman moving

toward them. “You will today.”

“That truck is fine,” Jennifer said as she lay on a blanket in

front of the fire wearing nothing but a grin.

“Not half as fine as you are,” Samantha said as she watched

the firelight flicker over Jennifer’s body. “Thank you for agreeing

to take it.”

Jennifer kissed each one of Samantha’s fingers. “Thank you

for buying it for me.”

“We bought it.” Samantha pulled a box from beneath the

blanket. “I bought this.” She opened the box and pulled the ring

out. As she slipped it onto Jennifer’s finger, she asked, “Will you

marry me, Jen?”

Jennifer sat up and looked at the diamond sparkling on her

finger. She pulled Samantha to her and kissed her softly. “My

answer has always been yes.”

Samantha gently pushed her back down on the blanket and

moved over her, kissing each happy tear away. “Everything I have

is yours, and I promise that I will make you happy.”

Samantha heard the response as she kissed Jennifer’s neck.

“You already do.”

She kissed and nibbled her way to Jennifer’s chest and felt her

wind her fingers in her hair. “Does this mean the boat is mine,

too?” Jennifer whispered as she laughed.

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Chapter 41

Samantha had always preferred night shift, but now with

Jennifer in her life, she hated it. Late at night as she stood looking

out over the water, it no longer calmed and soothed her. Jennifer

was at home—their home—asleep in the bed that Samantha

wished she were sharing. As she moved up the driveway, she

smiled at the light coming from the windows. Her whole life was

there waiting for her.

“Good morning.” Jennifer greeted her with a kiss. “Your

breakfast is on the table. Come, sit down.”

Samantha smiled as Jennifer turned toward the table and

extended her hand behind her. She took it and allowed herself

to be led as she had done every morning and evening when she

returned from work. As she sat, she gazed at Jennifer’s face—

something wasn’t right. “What’s up, sweetie?” she asked before

taking a sip of juice.

Jennifer met her gaze as a hint of a smile flickered across her

face. “I wonder if I read you as well as you do me.” Her expression

grew serious as she looked out the kitchen window. “Dad called,

he wants to come for a visit. Are you okay with that?”

“This is your home. You don’t have to ask my permis—”

Samantha paused as a thought struck her. “I can go to Alan’s if

you’d rather be alone.”

Jennifer looked at her then. “No, of course not. I need you to

be here.”

“Is he coming alone?” Samantha tucked a strand of Jennifer’s

hair behind her ear.

“I don’t know, he just said he wanted to talk to me.” Jennifer

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picked up a piece of bacon and looked at it before nibbling. “I

told him that I’d see if you had any plans, then I’d call him this

morning. We didn’t talk about anything else.” Jennifer’s eyes

teared. “He told me he loved me before we hung up.”

Samantha felt her eyes well, too. “I know you needed to hear

that. When does he want to come by?”

“Today.” Jennifer started to fidget. “This afternoon.”

“Call him and tell him he can come by anytime.” Samantha

stroked Jennifer’s cheek. “I’ll be right here with you.”

Normally after coming off night shift, Samantha slept for

a few hours, but she was finding that difficult for two reasons.

Jennifer was too nervous to nap with her, and she was too nervous

about what the afternoon might hold. “If you do anything to dash

her hopes, old man, I’ll…” Samantha let her words trail off in the

darkness as she crawled out of bed, wondering what she really

would do.

As she showered, she thought back over the time she and

Jennifer had lived together. For her, Christmas had been utter

bliss. On the first of December, they began exchanging gifts nearly

every day, and on Christmas Eve, she’d given Jennifer a bracelet

to match the engagement ring. In Jennifer’s most unguarded of

moments, Samantha could see the look of loss on her face, and

it broke her heart because that was one gift she was unable to

give. There were still two unopened presents sitting next to the

hearth for Tucker and Kelsey. Samantha wondered if they’d sit

there until next Christmas, as well.

Jennifer stood in front of the window overlooking the

driveway with her phone clutched in her hand. Samantha tried

to appear calm, so that her anxiety wouldn’t add to Jennifer’s. “I

wonder if he’s bothered to learn to use the GPS we gave him for

his birthday.”

“He’ll call if he gets lost,” Samantha said from her perch on

the couch. The TV was on, but she was watching Jennifer, who

was watching her phone.

“Sam,” Jennifer said without turning, “no matter how heated

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it might get, let me handle it. He needs to know that I’m the one

making my own decisions. I don’t want them to blame you.”

“I’ll respect your wishes,” Samantha said, wondering if she

could truly mean it.

Jennifer straightened as she looked out the window. “He’s

here.”

Samantha joined her and watched as the pickup came to a

halt. Hugh climbed out and opened the back door to the extended

cab. A small figure emerged. Jennifer gasped as she ran to the

door. Samantha followed her out and watched as Jennifer raced

down the stairs and fell to her knees. Tucker ran into her arms

followed by Kelsey.

Samantha swallowed hard against the lump in her throat as

she descended the stairs slowly, listening to the two children who

competed for Jennifer’s attention. Hugh stood leaning against the

front fender of his truck watching, as well. A slight smile creased

his worn face. Jennifer stood and moved into his arms. He held

her tight as she thanked and kissed him.

“Is this Aunt Jen’s new house?”

Samantha looked down into a pair of brown eyes that looked

a lot like Jen’s. Brown curls framed the small face sporting a

Kool-Aid mustache.

“It is,” Samantha said as she knelt. “Do you like it?”

“Mm-hmm, who are you?”

Samantha smiled and held out her hand. “I’m Samantha, but

you can call me Sam.” She watched as the small stained hand

clasped hers.

“You can call me Kelsey, and that’s Tucker,” she said with a

slight lisp. Kelsey leaned in and whispered loudly, “He’s shy.”

“Hi, Tucker,” Samantha said with a slight wave. “Nice to

meet you.”

Tucker looked at her from beneath a red baseball cap. He’d

been watching Jennifer and Hugh with an odd expression. He

glanced over at Samantha with a lopsided grin before stuffing his

hands in his pockets and looking back at them.

“Why’s Aunt Jen crying?” Kelsey asked as she followed

Tucker’s gaze.

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Robin Alexander

“She’s very happy to see y’all,” Samantha said.

“Hey, see all of us.” Kelsey ran over and tugged on Jennifer’s

pants leg.

Jennifer pulled away from her father and wiped her eyes

before picking Kelsey up. “Dad, you remember Samantha,”

Jennifer said, looking in her direction.

Samantha stood, walked over to them, and extended her hand.

“It’s good to see you, Mr. Tanner.” He shook it with a surprising

firmness, like a father would a boy who’d come to take his

daughter out on her first date. A show of strength and warning.

“Good to see you, too, Samantha,” he said with a slight

smile.

“Aunt Jen, can we go see the water?” Kelsey pointed toward

the pier.

“Sure we can.” Jennifer reached her hand out to Tucker. He

grinned up at her as he took it.

Samantha and Hugh casually strolled behind them. “You

have a nice place here,” Hugh said as he looked around. “You’ve

done well for yourself.”

“Thank you,” Samantha said politely.

Hugh slowed his step, allowing some distance between them

and Jennifer. “Do you have any kids?”

Samantha swallowed and tried to appear nonchalant. “No,

sir.” She stared straight ahead, watching Jennifer and the children

as they walked out onto the pier and took a seat on the bench.

“There’s no love like it. The first time they put that little tiny

thing in your arms, you’re filled with wonder. If I’d had twenty of

them, I doubt I would’ve been any less awed.” Hugh stuffed his

hands into his pockets. “You have so many hopes, expectations,

but what you want most is for them to be happy.”

Samantha nodded mutely, unsure of where Hugh was headed

or how she should respond. She looked out at Jennifer, hoping

that the conversation wouldn’t lead to something that she would

have to defend against. She stopped walking when she realized

that Hugh had stopped. He was looking at her, studying, his face

solemn.

“She hasn’t been happy for a very long time.” He nodded

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Undeniable

toward Jennifer. “I never knew how to ask her why. Once she

became a teen, talking got harder. It’s not easy watching your baby

girl become a woman.” Hugh’s dark eyes settled on Jennifer, and

he shifted from foot to foot. “I don’t understand what’s going on

between the two of you.” His lips moved without saying anything

as he watched his child and grandchildren. “Can you…take care

of my baby girl? I can help if you need it.”

Samantha bit her lip to keep it from trembling. The imposing

figure she remembered from her childhood now looked vulnerable

and scared. “I appreciate the offer, but we have all we need. I have

a good job that pays me well, and there’s nothing I won’t give her

whether she asks for it or not.”

Hugh scuffed at the ground with the well-worn toe of his

boot. “She’s never stood up for herself like this before. I figure

you must be pretty damn special by the way she dug her heels

in.” He shook his head. “She turned out to be as stubborn as her

mother.”

Samantha wanted to add to that statement but left it alone.

“What kind of work is it you do?” he asked as he slowly began

making his way to the pier.

Jennifer kept a close eye on the pair as they stopped. She took

in the stiffness in Samantha’s shoulders and her father’s shuffling

feet. They weren’t talking about the weather, but as they walked

slowly toward her, she saw them both smile when they looked at

her. “Why don’t you come home anymore?” Tucker asked as he

looked up at her.

Jennifer chewed on that for a second, unsure of where to step.

“Well,” Jennifer said and exhaled. She waited for a distraction

that she hoped Kelsey would supply, but she was looking at her

as intently as Tucker, waiting. “It was time for me to grow up and

move out on my own.”

“You are a growed-up,” Kelsey said matter-of-factly. “Is it

because you and Uncle Avery got a di…a diwarse?”

Jennifer smiled and squeezed the bundle on her lap. “That’s

part of it.”

20

Robin Alexander

“Granny’s mad at you.” Tucker didn’t meet her eye when she

looked at him. “I heard her talking to Paw Paw. She’s mean.”

“She’s not mean.” Jennifer draped her arm over Tucker’s

shoulder. “Her feelings are hurt. Sometimes we say mean things

when we’re angry. She doesn’t mean it.”

“She didn’t want Paw Paw to bring us to see you.” Tucker

lowered his voice and said, ‘Well, Janet, you don’t have a say-so.’”

He grinned at Jennifer. “That’s just how he said it.”

Jennifer laughed at Tucker’s imitation. “Well, I’m so glad he

did, and I hope he brings you to see me all the time because I’ve

missed you two so much.”

Tucker laughed along for a minute until he looked at Samantha.

“Granny doesn’t like your friend, either.”

Jennifer wondered how much of the conversations Tucker

had been privy to. He was a lot smarter than Jackie had given

him credit for. Tucker was always listening, she knew that by

conversations they’d had in the past. She wondered how much he

knew now and what conclusions he’d drawn.

“Kelsey, go tell Paw Paw and Samantha that we’re thirsty.”

Without question, Kelsey jumped from her lap and intercepted

the two headed their way. Hugh gave her a glance before turning

toward the house.

Jennifer turned on the bench and pulled her knee up under

her chin. “How much do you know, kid?” She cuffed Tucker

playfully on the arm.

Tucker looked up at her and smiled. It’d been a while since

they’d had one of their private conversations. Whatever they’d

discussed in the past stayed between them, and he knew it.

Jennifer watched as the wheels turned in his mind. She knew

he trusted her, and she also knew he was gauging his response

carefully. Either he didn’t really understand what he’d heard, or

he was trying to think of a way to protect her feelings.

“Remember when I got into the fight with Chase Bledsoe?”

“Oh, yeah, I remember. You were grounded for a week.” She

tugged on the brim of his cap, hoping to get a smile, but his young

face was serious.

“He called me a queer. I didn’t know what that was until my

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Undeniable

friend Blane told me.” His gaze was unwavering as he regarded

Jennifer. “Are you a queer, Aunt Jen?”

Jennifer gritted her teeth at the word used to describe her by

her own family. “What did Blane tell you queer meant?”

“Boys who like boys and girls who like girls” He looked away

then.“Why did it make you so mad to be called that?”

“Because I don’t like boys that way, and everyone laughed

at me.”

“Like how?” Jennifer pressed.

“I don’t want a boyfriend,” Tucker said angrily.

“And if Blane, your best friend, told you he did, how would

that make you feel? Would you stop being his friend because he’s

different?”

“I don’t know.”

It was an honest answer, Jennifer thought. “If I told you I was

queer, would you feel differently about me?”

Tucker looked at her dead on. “Ms. Samantha is your

girlfriend, isn’t she?”

“Yes,” Jennifer said with a nod. “She loves me very much and

I love her. Does that upset you?”

“No,” Tucker said easily. “Why is Granny so mad about

it?” “I think it embarrasses her. I’m not like the others, like her

and your mom. I like girls. I guess she thinks it’s her fault. She

wants me to stay married to Uncle Avery.”

“Is he mad?”

“No, sweetie, he’s not mad. He understands, and we’re still

friends, and he’ll always be your uncle.”

Tucker smiled and sidled up closer to Jennifer. “I’m not mad,

either.”

Jennifer pulled him into her arms and hugged him tight. “I

love you, little man. I always will, and when you get to know

Samantha, she’ll love you, too.” She pulled his cap off and kissed

the top of his head. “This talk is between us. Don’t share it with

your sister. She’s too young to understand.”

“Does Ms. Samantha have a boat?”

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Robin Alexander

“Oh, yes, she does, honey, and when it gets warm, we’ll take

you out in it with Paw Paw.”

“I like orange juice,” Kelsey said after taking a big swallow.

Her aunt and brother forgotten, she sat at the kitchen table and

enjoyed her second glass. Hugh stood at the window watching

Jennifer and Tucker on the dock. He looked back at Samantha

with a questioning glance.

“They’ll be in shortly. It’s too cold to stay out there long.”

Samantha handed him a cup of coffee.

“They’ve always been close, those two,” he said as he took a

seat next to Kelsey.

“We’re close, too,” Kelsey chimed in.

“Yes, you too,” Hugh said in a tone that Samantha had never

heard him use, not even with Jennifer when she was a kid. Pleased

with the answer, Kelsey returned to her juice.

From where Samantha stood, she could see Jennifer and

Tucker making their way toward the house. “I hope you’ll stay for

dinner. We have hamburgers and dogs for the grill.”

“Hot dogs,” Kelsey said excitedly. “I love hot dogs.”

“Is there any food you don’t love?” Samantha asked with a

grin.“Veggables, I hate them.” She punched her grandfather on

the arm. “Paw Paw hates ’em, too.” He looked up at Samantha

guiltily.

“I think hamburgers and hot dogs sound great,” Hugh said.

“I’m about tired of eating leftover tuna casserole.” He tapped the

surface of the table with his finger. “This handmade?”

“Yes, sir, my dad and I made it.”

“Mighty fine craftsmanship.” He gave it a shake. “Good and

sturdy.”

“Thank you, Mr. Tanner.” Samantha fought the blush she felt

rising up her neck. She and Jennifer knew that for a fact.

“You can call me Hugh, no need to be so formal. I appreciate

the show of respect, though.”

Samantha knew that the conversation that they’d had about

Jennifer, brief as it was, was finished. She doubted they would

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Undeniable

ever speak that way again. He’d found the answers he was looking

for in her and seemed to be more at ease. She and Janet Tanner

would probably never be this relaxed around each other even if

they talked for twenty years, and that she didn’t mind.

“Whew, it’s cold out near the water,” Jennifer said as she

and Tucker walked in. Their faces were red and chapped by the

wind. Jennifer’s eyes, however, were bright and clear. Samantha

couldn’t help but smile seeing her that way.

“We have company for dinner,” Samantha said as they walked

into the kitchen.

“Excellent.” Jennifer wore a beaming smile as she looked at

Hugh. “Tonight you can take a break from the low-salt, low-fat

diet Mom keeps you on. We won’t tell on him, right?” she asked,

looking at the kids.

“We’re having hot dogs and hamburgers,” Kelsey exclaimed.

“Can I fix you something to drink, Tucker?” Samantha asked

as she opened the fridge.

Tucker looked at the cup sitting in front of his grandfather,

then back at Samantha. “May I have a cup of coffee?”

Samantha’s hand froze as she reached for the juice. Jennifer

chuckled and looked at Hugh.

“Well, if we’re breaking all the rules tonight, he may as well,”

Hugh said.

“I’ll fix it.” Jennifer walked over to the pot and poured half a

cup, the remainder was filled with sugar and milk. “Tucker’s been

drinking coffee with me since he was a little guy,” Jennifer said.

“Of course, his mother doesn’t know that.”

Tucker took a seat next to Hugh and looked up with a satisfied

grin when Jennifer set the cup on the table in front of him.

“Dad, we have fresh deer jerky, would you like some?”

Jennifer asked.

“You kill deers, Ms. Samantha?” Kelsey asked as a frown

formed around her tiny mouth.

“Oh, no, the deer make it and give it to us,” Samantha said.

“That’s why we call it deer jerky.”

Tucker giggled and looked away when Kelsey looked crossly

at him.

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Robin Alexander

“I don’t hunt, sweetie. I couldn’t shoot anything if I tried.”

She pulled the packet out of the fridge and handed it to Jennifer.

“Her friend at work gave this to us.” Jennifer pushed the bag

to her father.

“I wanna try one,” Kelsey said, looking up at her. Hugh handed

her a piece, and everyone watched as Kelsey gnawed on it.

“Mmm, I think I could kill a deer for this.” Kelsey grinned

up at Samantha, and she knew that nothing would slip past these

two children.

Samantha stepped outside to warm the grill. Through the

window, she could see Jennifer sitting at the table with her father.

The sight warmed her heart. Like Jennifer, she was expecting

another round in the battle and was delighted that at least Hugh

was willing to connect.

There had been a couple of tense moments like when they

showed him the rest of the house. It was obvious they shared a

bedroom, and Hugh looked a bit uncomfortable. He showed the

same discomfort when he’d noticed the ring on Jennifer’s finger,

but the flash of tension evaporated as soon as the initial shock

faded from his face. This was foreign to him, but to his credit, he

was making an effort.

She pulled off the grill cover and pressed the igniter. As the

flame lit the grill, she realized she wasn’t alone. “Hey, Tucker, I

didn’t see you come out.”

He stood with his hand tucked in the pockets of his jeans,

much like his grandfather. His dark eyes moved over her face with

intense scrutiny. It stunned Samantha how much he reminded her

of Jennifer, though they didn’t favor as much as she and Kelsey.

“Aunt Jen says you have a boat.”

“I do, wanna see it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a nod. He followed Samantha

down the back steps of the deck. “Is it just for fishing, like my

dad’s?”

“No, it’s a ski boat, but I fish off of it, too.” Samantha opened

the door to the garage that took up half of the area beneath the

house.

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Undeniable

Tucker walked past her as she held the door open and circled

the boat, looking a lot like Jennifer did when she first saw it. “Is

it fast?”

“Very.” Samantha leaned against it. Something in the way

Tucker kept an eye on her told her this wasn’t just about the boat.

“You want to climb up and sit in the driver’s seat?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said as he climbed up on the fender of the

trailer and hopped in. Instead of moving to the seat, he crossed

over to her side and sat on the edge. They were eye level, and he

was still scrutinizing her face. “I know how to drive a boat. My

dad taught me.”

“Cool, then you can drive this one when the weather warms.”

Samantha watched as a small smile spread across his face, then

vanished. “Did your dad teach you how?”

“No, my friend Alan did. He taught me how to drive his boat

before I got mine.”

“Will you let Aunt Jen drive your boat?”

“Of course, she can do whatever she wants to,” Samantha

said with a smile.

“Do you really love Aunt Jen?”

Samantha blinked rapidly at the question. “How old are you,

Tucker?”

“Nine,” he said. “She says you do.”

Samantha swallowed, knowing she was treading into

dangerous territory. How much should she admit? What had

Jennifer already told him? The conversation with Hugh had been

nerve wracking, but this…this was ten times as stressful. “I do,

very much,” she said, meeting his gaze.

Jennifer’s eyes looked back at her now, gauging the merit of

her response. The little fart, he could read her as easily as his

aunt. She watched as a lopsided grin transformed his face. “Me

too.”Samantha held out her fist, and he bumped it with his own.

“I have burgers and dogs to put on the grill. You mind helping

me?”“Sure,” Tucker said as he stood.

Samantha wasn’t sure if she was supposed to help him down

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Robin Alexander

from the boat. Their eyes met, and she stepped back, understanding

the silent communication. Tucker jumped down on his own with a

grin and followed her out to the deck.

“You’ve been showing off your boat, haven’t you?” Jennifer

set the platter down beside the grill.

“Yes, and Tucker tells me that he knows how to drive, so the

next time we take it out, we’ll have to have him along.” Samantha

started laying the patties on the grill. “He says not to let you drive

because you run into stuff.”

Tucker laughed. “I didn’t say that, Aunt Jen.”

“Trust me,” Jennifer said. “I know when she’s full of bull.

Tuck, would you do me a favor and get a clean pan from the

kitchen? They’re in the slender cabinet next to the oven.”

“Sure,” Tucker said as he moved to the door. “She’s sending

me away, Ms. Sam. That means you’re in trouble.”

Samantha laughed as he grinned back at her before closing

the door. “You could’ve warned me that talking to him is like

talking to an adult.” Samantha looked at Jennifer wide-eyed.

The smile slipped from Jennifer’s face. “He knows everything.

He’s been listening to my mother and probably his, too. What did

you talk about down there?”

“He asked me if I loved you.”

Jennifer didn’t look surprised. “And you told him the truth?”

Samantha nodded.

“Good, he’ll keep it in between us like he always has.”

After dinner, Tucker and Kelsey opened their Christmas

gifts. A shrill scream pierced Samantha’s ears when Kelsey

unwrapped the stuffed cat, complete with kittens in every color.

She launched herself into Jennifer’s arms and showered her with

kisses of thanks. The books, all of which were stories about cats,

lay scattered across the floor. Samantha decided then that the next

pick for the house would be a pet—a cat, maybe two.

Tucker grinned as he opened his present and held up a pair of

motocross boots. “Those are to go with the dirt bike that I know

Santa gave you,” Jennifer said with a smile.

He hugged Jennifer’s neck and thanked her, then to Samantha’s

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Undeniable

surprise, he hugged her, as well. “Thank you, Ms. Sam,” he said

with a shy smile.

Samantha looked at Jennifer, whose eyes were brimming with

tears. The simple gesture conveyed one simple truth—Tucker had

accepted them as a couple.

Later that night as they lay in bed, Jennifer was quiet as she

had been all night. “You okay?” Samantha stroked her back.

“Dad stood up to Mom and brought the kids here. I’m so

proud of him.” Jennifer burrowed in closer. “Tonight when he

hugged me, he told me that Jackie gave him permission to bring

the kids. That’s a start, isn’t it?”

Samantha smiled and kissed the top of her head. “It is, love.”

Jennifer squeezed her tight. “I have it all.”

“Yes, you do,” Samantha agreed.

Samantha stared at the ceiling fan moving lazily above them.

David would be arriving the next day. She couldn’t wait to tell

him that they indeed had it all.

21

About the Author

Robin Alexander is the author of the Goldie Award-winning

Gloria’s Secret and six other novels for Intaglio Publications—

Gloria’s Inn, Gift of Time, Murky Waters, The Taking of Eden,

Love’s Someday, and Pitifully Ugly. Her short story “Crossing the

Line” can be found in the anthology Romance for Life.

Robin spends her days working with the staff of Intaglio and

her nights with her own writings. She still manages to find time

to spend with her partner, Becky, and their three dogs and three

cats. You can reach her at robinalex@yahoo.com. You can also

visit her Web site at www.robinalexanderbooks.com.

You may also enjoy. .

Pitifully Ugly

by Robin Alexander

ISBN: -1-21-21-

Hot, sweet, sexy and funny.

Shannon Brycen believes she is the epitome of pitifully ugly.

Kalen, Shannon’s overly social sister, is determined to play

match-maker and find a special someone for her sister.

After a disastrous date with one of Kalen’s recent selections,

Shannon decides to take her love life back into her own hands by

joining the local lesbian cyber match-maker.

Mid thirties, still single, house broken but rabid. If you’re

looking for something different then I’m your girl. Write me if

you dare. .P.U.

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to build her profile after

consuming half a bottle of her favorite wine. .or to use a picture

of herself at the age of six - after she had cut her own hair-as her

online profile photograph.

Hiding behind the online persona of Pitifully Ugly, Shannon

finds the courage to meet new women and face the disaster called

dating. As her charming personality surfaces, Shannon’s search

for the perfect match may be closer than she realizes.

Love’s Someday

by Robin Alexander

ISBN: 978-1-935216-08-7

Ashleigh Prather committed the sin of omission when she

failed to reveal secrets of her past to her lover of five years. Her

relationship becomes the casualty when the past and present

collide. Erica Barrett’s world is turned upside down when she

is forced to watch Ashleigh confront old demons and become

someone she doesn’t recognize.

Is love worth fighting for when you realize that you never

truly knew the person you’ve shared five years of your life with?

A Devil In Disguise

by Robin Alexander

ISBN: 978-1-935216-26-1

Release Date May 2011

After suffering a life-changing accident, Natalie Simmons

is ready to begin living again. Two distinctly different women

enter her life, and she finds herself drawn to both. A choice has to

be made. Will she pick the right one or unknowingly choose the

devil in disguise?

Published by

Intaglio Publications

Walker, La.

You can purchase other Intaglio

Publications books online at

www.bellabooks.com or at

your local bookstore.

Intaglio Ebooks are available on our Web

Site

Visit us on the web and read excerpts from

upcoming novels

www.intagliopub.com

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41