Published By

Ria Goff

Worcester, MA

Copyright © 2007 Ria Goff

ISBN 1440416141

All contents here in are property of Ria Goff with the

exception of the song lyrics, written and performed by the

band Default. All rights reserved and thank you to the band for not suing me!

Copyright July 1st 2008, all rights reserved.

Thank you to those who loved and supported me through

this process. Creation is both exciting and painful. Thank

you for sharing in my journey, Ria Goff.

Glass shattered across the street in the faded yellow house and the shouting continued. She adjusted her self on the

folding lawn chair and looked over at the woman beside

her.

“How many times now you reckon she's caught him

cheating on her now?”

The other woman rolled her shoulders in a lazy shrug and

raised her beer can slowly.

“I'd of left his ass by now” she spat the words as if they had a horrible flavor to them.

“Why you think she stays?” Again she watched her

companion roll her lazy shrug and shook her head.

“If Rick ever pulled this shit on me I'd hit his ass with my cast iron skillet.”

“Terrible use for such a nice skillet if ya ask me.” she

paused licking her lips.

“But seems the son of a bitch would deserve it. Should no

better than to stick his pecker anywhere other than the hole it's married to.”

The screen door swung open and Trent ate up the lawn with

his angry walk. He wore blue jeans that were ripped at the

knee's, scarred black combat boots, a ripped and faded

flannal shirt that seemed to have lost it sleeves. His hair was a long, middle of his head, screaming purple Mohawk.

In his left ear he wore a skull earing and in his right he

wore a plain old regular silver hoop he'd had forever. Over his torn shirt he pulled on an ancient leather jacket. He

looked mean as he glared back across the lawn at Shannon

as she came flying out the door holding her own skillet

loosely by the handle.

“I wasn't done talking to you.” She waved the pan around.

“I'm not talking to you while you're threatening me” He

smooshed his hair with his helmet and pulled the

motorcycle key from his pocket.

“I'm threatening you?!” she exclaimed in mock

exasperation. She tapped her lower lip with her pointer

finger for a moment and thought about his accusation.

“Well.” she said slowly, trying to sound calm.

“Maybe if you'd quit sticking your dick in everything that

moves I wouldn't have to go through this every couple of

months.”

She watched as Trent took a deep breath, then reached into

his shirt pocket for a cigarette. He pursed his lips and drew deeply on it, seemingly pondering what to say next.

“Maybe” he said dangerously low. “If you weren't such a

lousy lay I wouldn't have to go get my dick wet elsewhere.”

With that he turned the key on his bike and looked pretty

happy about getting the last word. He looked over his

shoulder and lifted the kickstand on his bike.

“Here it comes!” Jane said to the woman sitting next to her in the equally ugly and ancient lawn chair. That's when they both watched in awe as Shannon swung her skillet.

“Think he's dead?” Ester looked excitedly at Jane.

“Couldn't be so lucky, besides, cheater had a helmet”

Ester shook her head and smiled.

“I didn't think she'd do it.” She looked on proudly across

the street where Shannon was violating Trent's bike as he

laid unconscious on the cold black top next to it. Shannon

lifted the frying pan high above her head and brought it

down hard against the front headlight of the bike. She

laughed with satisfaction when it broke off and rolled

across the drive way. Then without another look at the bike she turned, waved at Jane and Ester and disappeared back

inside the house.

“Looks like the shows over.” Jane lit a filterless cigarette and sighed loudly.

“Looks like” Ester agreed and sipped her beer.

Across the street Trent groaned and got slowly back to his

feet. He saw his bike and made a choking sound before

moving slowly towards the house.

“Looks like Mr. Dick is having some trouble finding his

feet” Ester cackled.

“Has no trouble finding his dick in all the wrong places

though.” Jane puffed, wheezed and then puffed again.

“Those things will kill ya.” Ester looked over

disapprovingly at her friends cigarette.

“So won't lecturing me about it” Jane raised an eyebrow

and nodded towards her beer can.

“Little early for a drink ain't it Es?” she looked at her watch and smiled teasingly.

“It's happy hour somewhere.” Ester laughed and lifted her

can again.

Across the street the shouting began again. Followed by

several moments of silence. Raising an eyebrow Ester

looked from the front door to Jane.

“Whatcha think their doing now?” she lifted a new can

from the cooler.

“Damn her, she can never say no to him.” Jane sighed and

snuffed out her cigarette.

They both watched stunned as Shannon came walking out

of the house carrying a duffel bag and wearing an angry

expression.

“Where you think she's off to?” Jane frowned and watched

her walk down the street. Trent came out the front door and watched her walk for a long moment. He then turned,

walked inside and closed the door behind him. After he

flipped off the two old hecklers watching him across the

street.

She had never been so angry. Those two old crones had sat

across the street deriving satisfaction from their fight. She hated that house, those women, this whole stinking town.

She had been here too long, it had grown too old and it was time she move on. She turned onto the main street and

flagged down a taxi. She didn't need Trent. She had talent, contacts and places to go. The world was her oyster and she was going to start taking advantage of it. She gave the

driver the name of the airport and leaned back against the

seat with her eyes closed. She didn't open then again until a half an hour later when the cab came to a stop at the front door of the airport. She paid the driver hastily and went

inside. There she stood looking at a huge board of flights

that had arrived recently and others that were about to

depart. Closing her eyes she pointed at the board with her

finger and opened her eyes. She frowned at the destination

but decided to honor her mental commitment of 'I will go

where my finger lands'. She scooped her bag up from the

floor and made her way to the ticket counter.

“One ticket to Logan, please.”

The attendant typed feverishly and shook her head.

“That flight is full” she smiled apologetically and offered to help her go anywhere else.

“What flights do you have openings on?” Shannon bit her

lip and waited. The attendant rattled off a list of locations, none that really appealed to her.

“If you had talent a credit card and the desire to get the hell out of Hurley to find yourself, where would you go?” She

watched the attendant think it over.

“Before you tell me, take that location and turn it into a

ticket for me.” Shannon nodded to reassure her. The

attendant looked unsure as she typed and frowned at her.

“My dream destination and yours may be different.” she

warned her as she printed the ticket.

“Maybe my dream destinations have all worked out

wrong.” Shannon said under her breath. She took the ticket, handed over her credit card and frowned.

“Really, this is where you would go?” she raised an

eyebrow at the attendant.

“No other place like it.” The attendant smiled.

“Well then, I guess I'm saying good bye to the east coast.”

With that she picked up her bag and fastened the tag on it

the attendant handed her.

“Thanks” she smiled over her shoulder and left to check her bag. She boarded the plane less than 15 minutes later. Her

life had changed so drastically that morning. She was no

longer Shannon of Crimson Bitch the band she had fronted

for 2 years with Trent on the lead guitar beside her. She was Shannon, the-fuck-up-who-could-never-catch-a-break,

again. She twisted her necklace and hated her father for

slipping into her head just now. He had said she would

never be anything. Maybe he was right. She shook off the

uneasiness of being her fathers one great failure. She had

never been smart enough, strong enough, girly enough for

him. He had never been a man for her. He had never picked

her up when she had fallen, he had never held her after a

nightmare and he certainly never held his head up proudly

and proclaimed, that is my daughter!. So what? She asked

herself. Wasn't it his loss or something like that? The flight attendant stepped into the middle of the aisle and began

explaining to them all what should happen in case of

emergency. Uneasily she closed her eyes as the plane began

to taxi down the run way and dreaded the flight ahead of

her. She hated flying. She let out a deep breath and thought for a long hard moment. This could be good for her right?

She had 15 ½ hours to think about it. The plane lifted itself from the runway and she looked at the window for the last

time at New York. She hoped coming down in Clare

County, Ireland would take her breath away half as much as

leaving the only city she had ever known, was.

She landed at the Shannon airport at 4:30am local time and

she was exhausted. Her flight had been long but luckily she had fought so hard with Trent that she had slept 13 hours of the trip. They had landed barely an hour later, ahead of

schedule. Her knee's were weak and her stomach pitched

slightly as she stepped off the plane. What in the hell had she been thinking taking off to Ireland and leaving her life behind? She blew out a breath and tried to steady herself.

“You are looking a bit lost.” His hair was as thick as his

accent and she was taken aback a moment before she

smiled and nodded.

“I had no idea I was coming here till about 16 hours ago.”

she laughed. He smiled in return and smoothed the baseball

cap he had in his hands.

“Why the sudden trip then?” she stared at him for a long

moment before shaking her head and lowering her eyes.

“Well that's fine then. You will tell me when you are good

and ready. When I am behind the bar in my pub people tell

me things. Maybe you will come by, have a pint...talk

some.” he smiled widely at her, then looked past her and

smiled.

“Here she comes now.” Pride flowed in his voice like warm

honey. She watched him curiously for several long

moments. She turned and watched as a younger woman

came off her plane and ran to him excitedly. She studied the way the older mans eyes danced while he stood embracing

his daughter and something inside her chest ached.

“Do you know where you are going then lass?” he asked

her softly as he stood patting his daughters shoulder

affectionately. She shook her head and tried to smile

bravely.

“Well then. Let's get your bag. Our family owns an Inn here in county Clare.” The young woman smiled at her before

gently taking her hand and leading her to the baggage

claim.

“I don't want to impose.” She began.

“Tis not imposing when you have an invitation.” her eyes

danced at her. Shannon smiled slowly.

“Besides, we also own a pub, there is plenty of work to be had by those we are wanting it.” Her mischievous eyes

continued there dance.

“You don't even know me.” She was breathless from

everything that had happened.

“In county Clare there is no need for formalities. When you come into our country we will take care of you.” she smiled at her warmly. Shaking her head, Shannon shrugged and

gave in, where else would she go? Already she felt like she was at home.

Walking up in another country was almost completely too

much for her. Shannon rolled over, opened her eyes to the

scene outside her window and felt the urge to cry pressing

in behind her eyes. She needed a lawyer, a job...a clue as to what had caused her to run so far away from home. She

squeezed her eyes closed for a long time, refusing to think, refusing to feel. She had just forced herself to sit on the side of the bed when someone knocked on her door. The

door opened slowly and Ceara O'Neill's hair was as red as

fire against her lightly brushed freckled skin. Her skin itself was paler than Shannon was used to. Where she should

have looked shabby, she shined here in her room in the

morning light. Her smile was wide, bright and real. After

living in New York for so many years she considered

herself a pro at spotting false smiles. She blushed slightly but her smile survived the scrutiny somehow.

“Do you stare at everyone in such a way?” she walked

around the room gently touching things.

“No.” Shannon cleared her throat and looked out the

window again out over the hills.

“Long way from home. You must be missing your family

by now.” Ceara looked over at her sympathetically.

“No, not really.” Shannon shook her head but didn't offer

anymore. For a few minutes Ceara didn't say much, she just

sort of flitted about the room straightening up some as she went.

“I came to tell you it was time for breakfast. My sister's

Dealla and Nessa have been making a royal mess

downstairs in the kitchen.” she smiled warmly at the

memory.

“You are the first New Yorker to ever stay in our Inn and

they are dreaming up a million things to ask you.” She

smiled apologetically at her and stopped the flitting very

suddenly.

“No formal dress, just whatever you would wear at home

for the day.” she smiled warmly again and took her

whirlwind of energy back downstairs as quickly as it had

come upon her. Several long moments had passed and

Shannon was still sitting on the side of the bed wondering

what she should do. When through the air vent in her room

wafted the scent of something heavenly. Without another

thought she was dressed and down the stairs. She walked

slowly into the kitchen and felt the heart warm in her chest immediately. The old kitchen table could seat 12 easily. It was long, scarred and full of people. The two girls she

assumed were Dealla and Nessa where in their early teen

years. They argued amiably over the puppy who lay with

his head resting on his paws under the table. Three young

men sat on the opposite side of the table, eating from

brimming plates and not wasting time on conversation as

they female counterparts were. They were in varying stages

of youth, the oldest male, Deven she was told, was 19 and

looked nothing like a 19 year old New Yorker. He wore no

Mohawk, he had no piercings and his clothes looked

freshly washed. All of which were clear signs she was no

where near home. The next older male was 17 and had fire

engine red hair like almost every other person in the room.

His name was Bram and though he resembled his siblings,

his features were fuller, his nose slightly wider and his

hands could have easily palmed a basketball. His older

brother had him in age but Bram had both his brothers in

size, standing a full foot and a half over them, even seated.

The last male was roughly 14 years of age, she heard one of his sisters squeal the name Keelan and assumed this was

him. His hair stood in bright red spikes, though it did not seem intentional, more than likely he had not brushed his

short hair after his shower. She walked further into the

room and did not sit at the table right away. She was met by 7 pairs of sea green eyes and felt slightly self conscious till every single face smiled back at her. The O'Neill's were

noisy, were messy, were disorganized and were one

hundred percent open to having her sitting at their foreign breakfast table eating muffins and some of the best eggs

she had ever had. Then the bacon, sausage, toast and orange juice they piled onto her. Nessa and Dealla assaulted her

with questions about New York, what was popular there?

What music did she listen to there? They were both

thoroughly impressed, as young girls should be by there

guests. The boys however ate in quiet concentration,

absorbing every word that was spoken and packing it away

for later. The last pair of sea green eyes were those of the older man from the airport. She learned quickly that their

father was a quiet man and his children respected him.

Quite a feat these days she thought to herself. He was older, broader and quieter than his brood. He had a long scar that ran the length of his left cheek of his face. It made him

seem tougher, but the toughness melted under the light that shone from his eyes. He had the same screaming red hair as

his children. His however was toned down some by age. He

smiled while she struggled to eat some of everything on her plate.

“They didn't feed this lass back in the states” he laughed

and watched her skin flush red. She smiled and lowered her

eyes. There was a series of loud barking outside and then

all four men stood up and walked to the back door. They

each pulled on heavy boots, lined rain coats and hats. They each smiled and said bye with a hearty wave before

disappearing outside through the back door. Shannon

watched them walk across one of the fields that seemed to

stretch on forever here.

“Is it always this loud here in the morning?” she smiled

shyly and slid into a chair at the table.

“Not just the morning.” the one they had called Nessa

laughed and sipped her tea. With a nod Shannon accepted a

plate heaped with food from Dealla and picked up her fork.

“Never realized a 15 hour flight could make you so

hungry.” she dug in with a happy sigh.

“Tis the Irish air, it brings on hunger like nothing else.”

Ceara smiled at her as she walked towards the table holding a steaming coffee pot.

“What caused ya to leave the states?” Nessa tipped her

head to the side in curiosity and expertly missed her sisters dirty looks. Shannon didn't look up right away, instead she continued to eat for a moment longer, pondering her

answer.

“Leave her be.” Ceara clucked her tongue at her sister.

“We've guests out front.” Dealla peaked through the

swinging door to the front of the house.

“I'll see to them” Nessa put her stone ware mug stone with

a hearty thump and disappeared through the door a moment

later. Dealla excused herself to see to some laundry, leaving the kitchen silent at last as Shannon pretended to continue eating.

“Never mind those two. Nothing but gossips.” Ceara began

to clear the table, scrapping plates and stacking expertly as she went.

“Do you need help?” Shannon offered and was surprised to

be looked at so amused.

“You help? Now there is a first.” Ceara smiled and shook

her head.

“Never would I let a guest help me, this is my home and the life I have chosen.” she moved to the sink and set the

dishes to soak in sudsy steaming water.

“I am not a guest. I don't pay. You don't even know me.”

she countered and stood to clean her own plate off in the

trash can.

“Other can” Ceara corrected.

“The one of the right is for the farm animals, the one on the left is for pick up.” Shannon nodded and dumped her plate

in the right one before Ceara took it from her hands and

dumped it in the sink with the others.

“Well if I can't help what am I supposed to do?” she leaned against the counter and stared off out the window.

“Explore Ireland. Go see the Cliffs of Moher or O'Briens

tower or perhaps you could visit Crauggaunowen. You

came here, you had a desire to see this place, so go see it.”

Picking up a sponge she began to scrub one of the plates

that had been soaking.

“The Craug-a-what?” Shannon looked confused and stared

at her as if she had three heads.

“The Crauggaunowen is a museum. Do you like

museums?” She continued to scrub as she studied Shannon

for a long moment.

“I love them.” She answered.

“Them?” Ceara shook her head to clear away the cobwebs.

“Museums. Back in New York I spent as much time as I

could going to as many as I could. I could never get

enough.” for a moment the sadness had left her eyes and

she looked happy.

“What do you do in your New York?” wiping her hands on

her apron she moved over to the table and poured to fresh

cups of coffee. The pans needed to soak and she liked to sit in between the pots and dishes.

“Well, I did sing in a band for the last few years but that's over now. I'm not quite sure what I'll do when I go back, if I go back.” she took the chair opposite of Ceara and smiled in thanks for the coffee.

“If you go back? If you don't go back, where will you go?”

she raised an eyebrow and watched her companions mood

shift in her eyes.

“I am not sure. There are so many places I want to see.

Now that I don't have to worry about Trent...” she stopped, stared down at her finger for a long moment, twisting the

wedding band. She wore no diamond, odd Ceara thought to

herself. She didn't poke or prod over who Trent was, she let it slide by and sipped her coffee quietly.

“What was the name of your band?” she asked after several

long moments of what seemed like sad silence on

Shannon's part. Shannon, who had been mid sip of coffee,

laughed with a gurgling sound and looked at Ceara with

dancing eyes.

“It's stupid.” she said softly and smiled.

“Did you come up with it?” when she shook her head no

Ceara smiled and gently patted her hand.

“Well then, you have no reason to feel foolish.”

Shannon sat on the other side of the scared kitchen table,

dizzy from the mileage between her and her home and for

the first time in days let out the first real bellow of laughter as she told Ceara the name of the band. Ceara clucked her

tongue and smiled widely.

“Well that does seem like a silly name.” she told her and

sipped her last sip of coffee before eying her pots.

“Whys that?” Shannon asked over her shoulder as she set

her mug down on the counter top.

“Because you seem so nice, not really like a bitch at all.”

Ceara smiled and walked back to the sink. For a moment

Shannon felt the heat of her closeness, then the door

opened and Nessa called out a breakfast order for Ceara to

fill and the moment was gone. Color flushed her cheeks as

she wondered if she had imagined it or not. Excusing

herself she went back to her room and tried to figure out

what the hell she was doing with her life.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*

A hot shower made her feel more human than she had in

days. She wished for a camera as she walked out the front

door of the O'Neills inn and took in the flowers that ran

along the edge of an old wooden fence that marked the land

on the front of their lot. On the other sides of the house she had noticed old hand built walls of stone and rock that

marked the edges of their land there as well. It seemed

these lines ran down the sides and along the front but out

back she hadn't seen any marker of the land ending. She

assumed it went back a few acres and that is where the men

had disappeared to earlier that day. They asked her no

questions and she was trying to return that favor. It had

been a week since she had landed here and she had walked

the village every day trying to learn about everything

around her. The day before she had met a sheep herder

named Osef who had been blocking the road with his heard

on her morning walk. He had bowed low to her and smiled

widely exposing twin dimples and fiery, dancing eyes. She

had been amused by him for a good portion of the

afternoon. She thought back now with a smile as she

looked down the vacant road and remembered him and his

enchanting stories of Ireland's history. She had shared his lunch with him on the grass of a deep green field and

watched the sheep frolic and play. She had never realized

how much sheep poop, she laughed at her exclamation of

exactly that the day before and the way Osef had had to

hold his sides when they began to ache from laughing at

her. He had assured her that they were actually being quite considerate because she was there and told her a tall tale

about a field covered in the stuff. It had been her turn to hold her aching sides as she pictured 20 frolicking, pooping sheep all wearing sailors hats and dancing an Irish jig. Osef had been kind enough to offer to show her around some of

the country side. She had smiled and accepted his offer

with joyous enthusiasm. He reminded her so much of her

little brother, Dole, that it made her ache. The heart sick herder would have hated to hear that. She walked down the

hill to the village and wondered where Osef was off to. He

didn't appear to be near McKinnons as he said he would be.

As she looked at the front door of the pub she wondered

why he was late. She thought about Ceara and wondered if

she had noticed her avoiding her. She felt guilty but she

wasn't ready to talk about Trent yet and she knew if she

spent another quiet morning with her sipping coffee that

she would break open and tell her everything. She sat down

on a bench outside the pub and daydreamed. She often

wondered what her life would have been like if Trent had

been an adult instead of a horny prick. She had wanted such big things for them. To get out of the band, have a family

and maybe a real home. She had always wanted a real

home. She hugged herself as her mind wandered and shook

off the sadness that always seemed to cloud her when she

thought of home. When he stepped up in front of her and

blocked the sun she was startled for a moment. Then she

smiled up at him and he took off his page boy cap and

bowed to her low at the waist again and made her laugh. He

wore an old brown and yellow puffy vest over a white wool

sweater, faded corduroys and a smile that said good

morning.

“Do you need me to say top of the morning again?” he

offered with a kind smile. She shook her head no and

smiled widely. When he had said it the day before it had

been so unexpected she had almost fallen over laughing so

hard. She had exclaimed, Oh my god people do talk like

that! And he had laughed with her. He reached out for her

hand now and led her to his truck. It was an old ford work

truck, complete with wooden rails along the back and a dog

in the bed. It was rusty red and ready to go, she climbed

into the passenger side and settled back against the seat. He turned the key and had some wonderfully low and beautiful

Irish music flowing from the speakers. They pulled away

from the town and the country side quickly slipped in to

distract her. He didn't bother her when she chose not to

speak and she didn't question when he stopped to drop off

the dog at another large farm before continuing on. “You

are awfully quiet today lass, anything you need to talk

about?” Osef glanced at her for a moment before turning

his eyes back to the road.

“I'm not even supposed to be here.” it came out with a rush of air.

“How's that now?” he turned the music down a little more

and gave her his attention.

“A week ago I left home in a fit, boarded a plane and

landed here. No plan to come here, I wanted to go to

Boston but the flight was sold out.” she blew out a shaky

breath.

“Do you want to start from the beginning?” Osef pulled off

the side of the road and waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts.

“I stayed up all night after our last show at the Halifax and he didn't come home.”

“He?”

“Trent. See, he had been out all night cheating on me,

again.” She blew out another long breath.

“Again? He cheated on you a lot?” Osef looked at her and

wondered quietly why she would put up with it.

“Yes. It seemed like he cheated on me whenever he could,

like I meant nothing at all.” she wiped away a tear and

stared out the window.

“Then this Trent is a fool.” Osef handed her his

handkerchief and smiled sadly for her.

“I'm a fool” she sniffled. “I put up with it for years. Too many” she said sadly and blew her nose loudly.

“The heart often makes us a fool.” Osef patted her hand

gently.

“That doesn't make you a fool Shannon, that makes you

human.” he looked out his own window and hid his own

scars.

“I thought he loved me, that he'd give me a home and

children. He wanted someone to pay half the rent.” she

sniffled again.

“A man who is dishonest to a woman who loves him so is

not deserving of her love.” He nodded his head as he spoke.

Outside the small truck the wind picked up and the sky

opened up, dumping rain on them as they sat there staring

out the windows.

“Maybe I am not deserving of the things I dream of.” she

said sadly around a sob.

“Now don't be saying that. One bad relationship isn't

necessarily a death sentence.”

“5” she hiccuped.

“5?” he looked at her curiously.

“5 bad relationships in a row.” she sighed now, blowing her nose again.

“Well, perhaps you are cursed.” he smiled and she laughed

softly.

“Perhaps.” She reached out her hand to return the sodden

handkerchief and he shook his head and smiled.

“That is yours now.” he opened his door and stepped

outside into the rain and ran around the truck. Pulling open her door into the wind and rain.

“Tis better to see the cliffs this way anyway.” he closed her door behind her. She wasn't like most girls, she didn't

shriek or whine about getting wet. She walked silently

beside him for 10 minutes as they wound their ways down

to the Cliffs of Moher. She stopped and caught her breath a she stood looking out over the Atlantic ocean. Osef stood

back and let her look her fill before he stepped up beside

her and started to point out the faint outlines of what lay around them.

“These cliffs are over 200 meters high and sheer at that.

Out there” He pointed ahead of him “You can see the Aran

islands.” He turned slightly “And over there is Galway

bay.” He smiled and turned slightly again.

“If it wasn't foggy you could see Twelve pins and the

Maum Turk Mountains.” He started to turn around again

and began to walk, she fell into step immediately beside

him.

“Up here is O'Briens tower.” He walked over the land as if

it belonged to him and she supposed it did in a way.

“What do you know about the tower?” she asked intrigued

as they came to a top outside of it. It looked like an old

tower that knights may have stood on top of to keep watch

over the land and assure all was well.

“Old O'Brien built it in 1835 for the tourists that came here.

He built it here on the headlands as a place for all our

visitors to stand and look out over one of our greatest

features.” he took his hand off and tried to ring some of the rain from it before placing it back on his head.

“You know a lot about Ireland.” she smiled at him.

“I should.” He laughed in answer. “It's been my home for

27 years.”

“I can't imagine living in one place for such a long time.”

She sighed and stood beside the tower looking out over the

ocean and watching the water collide with the cliffs.

“This place is amazing. Can we go down to the shore?” she

looked so wistful he wished they could.

“Not from here.” He shook his head and sighed soul deep

when the rain picked up and came down in heavier sheets.

“We should head back.” he yelled over the whistling wind

and took her hand, like children they dashed back to his

truck. Out of breath they ran and laughed all the way back.

Winded, she leaned again the side of the truck and tried to catch her breath.

“Don't you mind the rain?” he sounded breathless and was

soaked through and through as was she.

“I love the rain. In New York when it stormed I would run

outside and stand in it. I love when it storms the most

though, all the heat, all that noise.” she was so caught up in talking she didn't see the look pass through his eyes.

“Off we go then.” he smiled and opened her door for her.

The ride back was just as quiet as the ride out had been.

Both were lost in their own thoughts. They had only

traveled three miles from Doolin and she would be back at

the O'Neills farm any minute. She was beginning to know

the curves in the road here like she did those of New York.

As they came to a stop outside the house she smiled

warmly at him and thanked him for the tour and lesson

about the cliffs. He smiled warmly and waved at Bram as

he stepped out the front door.

“Bram takes up with my sister Aggie.” he told her.

“Takes up?” she smiled at the term.

“He thinks no one sees the way they watch each other but

even a dead blind man could see how crazy they are about

each other.” he smiled and his eyes danced at the thought.

“That will be a fine wedding.” he told her proudly and

rolled down his window to speak to Bram. She listened to

the men chat for a few idle moments about farm work and

the weather, then she thanked Osef again and slid out of the truck so Bram could slide in. With a wave they were gone

and she was alone in the rain. Instead of going inside she

turned toward the field and walked aimlessly through the

rain. She wished for a moment that she painted as she took

in the rain soaked landscape around her. Even soaked it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She walked

down the long flagstone wall that ran down the right side of the property till she found a spot and sat down on the wall.

She had to decide what to do about Trent, New York, her

life. Such heavy thinking always made her uneasy. Her

whole life was in there. Yet she felt she had nothing to go back for. She blew out a sad breath and looked back

towards the house. She saw Ceara come out and walk

towards her, though she didn't seem to see her, yet. She

looked away from her and tried to clear her head. She knew

she wanted to divorce him, she knew that before she had

put the final item in the single bag she had carried away

from their shared house. She no longer thought of it as a

home.

“You're absolutely drenched.” Ceara came to a stop in front of her. Shannon thanked the rain for hiding her tears.

“Did you have a good time with Osef?” she asked when she

didn't answer. Shannon nodded in answer but didn't answer

her.

“He is such a nice man, Bram is quite taken by his sister

but I'm sure Osef told you. I saw them leave together just

now.” she sat beside her on the wall.

“I know you probably want to be alone but I have to tell

you Shannon, I have never seen anyone so heartsick and

doing so poorly to hide it.” she smiled at her kindly.

“Tell me, don't tell me. Just know I will listen.” She stood to go back inside, her short red hair plastered to her hair by the rain. Shannon said her name quietly and spilled the

whole sorted story right there in the rain.

“Oh you poor thing.” Ceara put an arm around her and

sighed.

“Sometimes I wonder why women bother with men at all.

They are all bastards.” Ceara squeezed her tight and turned her face up to the rain.

“Though I can't imagine just buying a ticket to anywhere a

ticket agent decides and hopping on a plane. First, I can't imagine spending that kind of money, blindly.” she was

baffled by Shannon's laughter.

“It was his money.” she snorted as she laughed. “I have his visa” she continued to giggle.

“Well that's just wrong! Deserved though, so I approve!”

Ceara laughed with her now, happier still that Shannon's

tears seemed to have stopped.

“We are both going to catch our death.” she said at last and pulled Shannon to her feet. Arm and arm they made their

way across the super soaked grass and through the back

door. They were greeted by a fire in the kitchen hearth, hot coffee and cinnamon buns the angel named Nessa had just

pulled from the oven. Shannon went to her room were

Dealla had just come from, she had drawn her a hot bath

and built a fire in the fireplace in her room. Shannon

thanked her and made her way to the bathroom. She peeled

off her clothes and lowered herself into the steamy water.

She was learning to love this place and all the people in it.

She soaked away the chill of the cold morning, climbing

from the tub finally only after her skin had pruned. She

pulled on the pale blue sweat suit that Dealla had laid out for her and stuffed her feet into the slippers that had

appeared on the bedroom floor. She called out a sleepy

come in, as she laid back on the bed watching the fire and

dozing slightly. Nessa carried in her lunch tray and set it on the small window adjacent table. Shannon thanked her and

smiled again as the young woman left. She ate her lunch in

blissful silence while watching the rain out the window and listening to the crackling of the fire. She was so content as she finished her coffee and bun that she decided to take a

nap. It did not take her long to fall asleep and when Ceara came in for the tray she paused for a long moment and

watched her sleep. Then as quietly as she had come, she

was gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*

~*

The following day was a blissfully sunny affair and

Shannon had no intention of missing out on any of it. She

asked for directions to the art store in town but was told

there wasn't one. Ceara offered to drive her over to the next town later that day for anything she may need. Whistling to herself she decided to hike out over the fields behind the

house, curiosity had finally gotten the best of her. She took off by foot and walked out the way she had seen the male

O'Neills go every morning after breakfast. The sun was

warm on her face and the fields were quiet, the birds sang

as they flew over head from tree to tree and she hummed to

herself as she walked. Finally after about a mile or so, she walked out into a clearing, sprouting from the grounds were little tree's for as far as she could see. She walked amongst the tree's for a while but saw none of the O'Neill men.

Finally, about to give up she turned around and saw Bram

walking towards her.

“They are the Sitka Spruce” he told her as he pulled off his gloves and wiped his hands on his grimy pant legs.

“We used to farm edibles, fruits, grains, vegetables but the soil is a cruel mistress and her teet just didn't hold their life.” he turned around and looked out over the field behind her.

“Over there about another stones throw are cows. We spend

most every day milking them and luckily those teets are

kind.” he smiled and pulled his gloves back on.

“My Dad, Deven and Keelan are over there now getting

ready to milk the ladies. Though they won't get much done

with that puppy hovering about.” he looked past her again

and smiled. Shannon turned and saw instantly why he

would smile so widely. A woman with dark brown hair

walked towards them carrying a blanket and a basket.

“Tis my lunch break.” He explained as she drew closer and

color crept up his cheeks. Shannon didn't have to ask who

she was. Aggie, as they called her, could not be mistaken

with the way Bram was fussing about as she approached.

She smiled at the dark eyed woman and waved over her

shoulder.

“Have a good lunch.” she said and caught the color that

took to the woman's face as well. Then she knew that she

and Bram were more than taken to one another. With a

happy spring in her step she continued in the direction of

the cows and wondered if she would ever be 'taken' again.

He was a mountain of a man and he stooped down to clean

the utters of a cow and smiled at her calf as it stood pressed against her side. Bram Senior chucked the calf under the

chin and smiled at her mother. “She'll be a fine lass, won't she now?” he stood and pulled his stool under him and sat

down slowly. He seemed far too large for such a tiny stool

and he should have looked silly but he didn't.

“You milk them right here in the field?” she stopped just

over his shoulder and watched his huge hands work

gracefully.

“Where else?” he asked with the smile rich in his voice.

“In the states everyone does such things in a barn.” she

watched the calf try to suckle form its mother and watched

the man stop to let it.

“Well here in Ireland we prefer to see the land we work on

day in and day out.” he smiled at her warmly. She smiled in return and watched the calf run off now on it's wobbly legs.

“How are you getting about?” he asked and looked into the

bucket with a sigh.

“Just fine. It is so different here.” she stared off after the calf.

“Whatever you left behind at home will still be there until your heart tells you its answer.” he smiled sadly now,

almost as if he understood without asking. She nodded but

didn't answer for some time.

“I've made up my mind.” she nodded bravely when he met

her eyes.

“Has your heart made up its own?” he and scooped up the

stool and bucket and started to walk towards the barn he

chose not to work in.

“My heart made up its mind before I was on the plane

here.” saying it out loud seemed to free her from some of

the weight she felt trapped under.

“A step in the right direction then.” he nodded and began

packing away the mornings tools and tack.

“About the room...” she began and was surprised by how

quickly his expression changed.

“The room is yours for as long as you chose to stay. I want no money and no offer of help. When a woman leaves her

home and flies this far away, then she is flying that far to find herself.” he placed the last wire brush on its peg and walked to the door to close up. She didn't comment on what

he had said, she hadn't needed to. Sometimes looks

conveyed more emotion than words.

“Where to now?” she asked, happy to change the subject.

“McKinnons.” he picked up the bucket of milk and headed

back towards the house.

“Lunch break?” she asked as she fell into step beside him.

She had to walk twice as fast to match his furious face.

“Nay Ma'am” he smiled.

“My family has owned McKinnons for almost 30 years

now. It was a gift from my wifes Dad on our wedding day.

Mr. McKinnon always took care of his own. We'd have

done just fine without it but I don't love my pub any less.”

he didn't seem to be breathing heavy at all, which surprised her because she was finding it hard to breathe and was

sweating profusely. He seemed to notice all of this very

suddenly and slowed his pace down to match her shorter

one.

“Can I ask where your wife is?” she saw him harden

slightly, his eyes grown steely cold for an instant before he cleared his throat and slowed further still.

“About three years ago she started to sleep a lot. She

always felt ill. We thought the inn and the pub were

wearing her thing.” he paused to shake his head.

“She would never make time for the doctor. Finally after

several weeks of this we called in Doc Connor. Twas too

late by then.” they approached the back of the house them

and set the bucket down on the low wall before resting his

large frame upon it.

“We tried everything. Chemo therapy, trial drugs, radiation.

Nothing worked. In the end Rose was bald, bitter and just

as sick as she had been to begin with.” his hand paused as

he reached out for the milk again.

“I'm so sorry.” she said softly and watched the hardness

soften in his eyes.

“Me too. They say when you have lived your life well and

you have given all you can on this plane, you leave for a

higher, more wonderful plane. I believe when I am done

here I will find my Rose there and we will still have our

last dance.” he smiled vibrantly now and turned toward the

house.

“Now you will have to excuse me lass. I am late opening

my pub and the lunch crowd is likely to lynch.” he offered

her a small wave and a smile and disappeared into the

house. She sat on the wall for a long time thinking about all he had said and felt her heartbreak for him and his children.

It must have been so hard for them all to watch their Rose

wilt.

She was sitting on the wall still when Ceara came outside

to find her.

“Are you ready to go then?” she asked and stood patiently

watching her. Shannon nodded and stood to stretch her

legs. Together they walked around the side of the house and climbed into another work truck where Bram Senior smiled

at them.

“So we meet again.” she smiled at his greeting and settled

back against the seat.

“We are going to use Dad's truck after we drop him off at

the pub.” Ceara explained and Shannon nodded.

“Does the whole family work at the pub?” Shannon settled

back against the seat and listened to Ceara and her father go back and forth good naturedly about how he wished his

children would help out at the pub more. Ceara laughed in

response stating that his family had a farm and an inn to run they had no time for a pub as well.

They were greeted outside McKinnons by Osef who had

left his flock with his helper so he could eat lunch in town today. He greeted them all warmly and asked about their

plans. Ceara hung back a moment and watched how Osef

mooned over Shannon, though she didn't seem to notice in

the least. He smiled at her and she stepped into the

conversation at once.

“If we are going to make it to the art store we best be off.”

Ceara waved at Osef and lead Shannon to the truck. He

stood on the sidewalk and waved at them until the truck

went around the bend and they could no longer see him.

“That boy is taken by you.” Ceara said cautiously as she

maneuvered their way down the meandering country roads.

“Who? Osef?” Shannon shook her head and smiled. “He is

just a friend.” she sounded so sure of that that Ceara

worried about the dangers of letting Osef believe he had a

chance with this heartbroken woman who sat beside her.

“Just a bit of friendly advice then.” she paused a moment

“Don't let the boy lead with his heart. He has had enough

heartsickness already to last a life time.” she reached out and patted Shannon's hand on the seat beside her, then

refocused on the road. Shannon watched the countryside as

it slid by, asking questions from time to time about the

places they passed. They got to O'Riellys craft store just

about 1:30pm and Shannon was lost immediately inside its

packed aisles. Ceara stayed at the counter in front to chat with the owners daughter, Brie, Shannon heard in passing.

She wandered down aisle after aisle of paints and brushes,

sandpaper and storage bins. When Ceara came to look for

her at last she was standing in the middle of the aisle with her hands on her hips and her lip caught between her teeth

unable to decide what she wanted to buy.

“Maybe I can help?” She offered and came to stand beside

her. “What exactly is it you do?” she asked Shannon whose

eyes never left the shelf.

“Some of everything. I love to work with painted glasses.

You know leads and stains.” Shannon blew her bangs out of

her eyes with a long sigh. Ceara pondered the kits in front of her for a moment.

“Do you know how to cut glass?” she asked finally.

Shannon thought for a moment and nodded.

“It has been a long time but I could probably remember

how to to it.” nodding she turned away from the display.

“Well if that is the case then, you don't need these kits at all. I'd buy my leads and stains, brushes, what have you and use the glass dealer in Doolin for the rest. This way you

don't have to come back here every time you run out.” She

smiled as she saw Shannon's excitement grow.

“Gives me more creative freedom as well.” with this

thought in mind she turned towards the stain display and

started tossing one of very color into her basket.

“That is a lot of stain.” Ceara laughed.

“Well, I've got a lot of misplaced creativity.” Shannon

smiled at her in return and headed for the register after

picking up two packages of brushes and several tubes of

lead. She didn't balk at the total, though Ceara did as

Shannon smiled and paided the 206.89$ graciously. Arms

loaded down by bags they headed back to the truck and

Ceara eyed her suspiciously.

“You used his Visa again?” she laughed because she didn't

need the answer once she saw the lightening bolts in her

friends eyes.

“Eventually he will turn that off.” Ceara smiled at Shannon who rolled her eyes in answer.

“Till then though it may not be honest, it sure if fun.”

It took a little over 35 minutes to drive back into Doolin, during which they had chatted about this and that. Shannon

hadn't been friends with a girl in a long time and was

enjoying herself immensely. They pulled into the glass

stores parking lot and agreed to have lunch together after

they picked up the glass. A man with dark hair smiled at

them as they came in. Seth McLachlan had gone to school

with Ceara and for a long time had lived on the farm beside theirs. He took down Shannon's glass order and chatted

circles around Ceara, exchanging bits of information about

this or that as they waited for one of the shops workers to get the glass from the storage room. He came in shortly

after and announced he had loaded it onto the bed of the

truck for them. Seth rang them up with a kind smile and

accepted the visa card.

“Can I ask who Trent is Ms.?” He paused for a moment,

then Shannon smiled sweetly and said

“My husband of course” he nodded then and handed her

her receipt. Ceara waved at him and they were gone again.

“Why is your husband not here with you?” Ceara asked her,

testing the waters as they climbed back into the truck.

Shannon waited a long moment before answering.

“We had a bit of a falling out.” she offered in answer and

sat looking out the windshield into nothingness.

“A falling out? Wives don't leave home and fly to another

country over a falling out.” She turned the trucks engine

over and drove back down the main rode to the pub.

“This one does.” Was all Shannon would offer in answer.

Ceara knew she needed more time so she let it go and

parked in front of the pub and smiled at her father through the front window.

“There's my girl!” Bram senior bellowed as they walked in.

He immediately drew two pints for them and placed

coasters on the counter. He took turns building first one

pint, then the other while chatting with the numerous

patrons all around them. Both women pulled off their

jackets and hung them on the back of their chairs. Ceara

sipped from her pint immediately while Shannon studied

the lunch specials.

“Save yourself some time.” An older man to Shannon's left

offered. “Just order the corned beef and cabbage.” he

winked and took his pint across the bar where he joined a

heated conversation.

“Jack's right.” Ceara smiled at him from across the room

and waved.

“Nothing beats that special.” she ordered a plate for herself and smiled when Shannon followed suit.

“Next time we will have to sit in a booth.” Shannon looked

around and felt the pub encompass her. It was very Irish,

warm and homey.

“We will be moving to a booth once our plates are up.”

Ceara explained. “No one eats at the bar.” she smiled as

another group of people came in with loud greetings.

“Lively place.” It was then when Shannon realized just how

far she was from home. As she watched friends embrace

each other hugging and shaking hands. She felt her own

hands shake and wondered for the first time if she had

made the right decision. She felt a little faint and pressed her hand to her stomach.

“You alright there?” Ceara had taken their coats to their

booth and hung them on the wooden pegs on either side of

it. Shannon stood and wavered for a moment, nauseous and

for a moment, confused. Ceara took her elbow and lead her

from the noisy main area down a hallway into the kitchen,

through the kitchen and into a private rest room.

“Sit down.” She ordered her and pushed her gently towards

the toilet. Shannon closed the lid and rested on it. She put her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands while she watched Ceara wet a cloth with cold water and bring it to

her.

“Thank you.” Shannon took it and wiped her face. Ceara

nodded and squatted in front of her.

“What happened?” She was concerned about what she had

seen in her face a few moments before.

“I was overwhelmed I guess.” Shannon paused, pressing

the cool cloth to her forehead.

“I'm so far from home and I have all these decisions I have to make. Some of them are huge and I...” she paused,

cleared her throat.

“I understand.” she patted her hand and took the cloth back to the sink, wetting it with cold water again.

“The whole time I was in New York all I wanted to do was

come home.” Ceara passed her the cloth back.

“In my head I could see the fields and smell the rain. Oh,

how it made me ache.” she shook her head.

“I could hear my Dad and siblings bickering happily and I'd want to cry.” she sighed at the memory and picked a ball of lint of her gray sweater.

“Why were you in New York?” Shannon studied her now,

curious. A tap on the door stopped Ceara from answering

her.

“Lunch is up.” Jollie, the families long time pub cook

called through the door.

“Think you are good to eat now?” When Shannon nodded

in answer Ceara grabbed her hand and lead her from the

bathroom. She stopped on the way to chat with Jollie and

introduce Shannon. Jollie looked her up and down slowly

and smiled at Ceara.

“Take this skinny lass out front and feed her some of my

lunch. She might blow away in a good storm.” she

chuckled and waved them off.

Back in their booth their plates were put in front of them

almost as soon as they sat down. Ceara smiled at her Dad

and offered him to join them. He shook his head and

welcomed the next bunch of new comers, he was clearly in

his element as much here as he had been in his field with

the calf. Shannon dug into her plate surprised by how much

she liked the food. She listened to the towns folk talk and laugh and tease as she sampled turnip and carrots as she

had never had them before. She sighed happily over the

saltiness of the meat and the softness of the potatoes. She even ate all her cabbage. Ceara was happy to see her eat

that way. Her friend had been looking drained and so sad

since she got here it was nice to see the humor of the pub

and the warmth of the food and drink bringing the color

back to her cheeks. They listened as two men played a

traditional Irish jig and watched with joy as three of the

mens wives got up to perform the dance for them. When

the song ended it swelled into something sad and slow and

Shannon listened quietly with tears threatening her eyes.

The song swelled on and on, heartbreaking note into note

telling the tale of a man who loved his lover at sea. The

man who sang the song did so so heartbreakingly you could

almost see his love being swept away right there in the pub.

Their plates were cleared and Ceara figured she had had

enough culture for the day. She waved to her Dad and said

goodbye to most of the pub then made their way out to the

truck. Ceara told her about the work shop in the back of the house. It would have all the tools she would need for her

glass work. The rest of the ride went in silence. Only once they came to a stop in the driveway and Ceara had honked

for Bram to come out and carry Shannon's stuff for her did

they finally speak.

“Do you have the name of a lawyer I could use?” Shannon

asked, her voice wavered a moment but her strength

returned quickly.

“Our family uses Hannon O'Keefe.” Ceara pondered her for

a moment.

“I will put a call in for you myself.” she offered and

climbed from the truck. Shannon nodded and followed her,

thanking Bram as he took both cartons of glass into the

house for her.

“When I am ready to talk to someone Ceara, I will tell you

everything.” her friend nodded and smiled warmly at her.

“Oh, I know.” she answered and smiling over her shoulder

she disappeared inside.

She found the work shop easily enough. It was a huge

space and the whole back wall held metal shelving and

what seemed to be a glass furnace. She noticed

immediately that this room had been added on, most likely

for that furnace. She wondered who used it, if anyone

anymore and settled down to cut her first sheet of glass.

While she thought up a design, Keelan stopped in to grab a

pair of boots that had been on the floor near the door.

“If you break any of that glass toss it in the bin over there.”

he motioned towards a big blue trash can. She nodded at

him and watched him disappear as quickly as he had come

in. She noticed buckets of sand that sat under the furnace

and wondered again who worked here. Pushing the thought

aside she she leaned forward with the glass cutter pinched

in her fingers like a pencil. She placed it on the smoother side of the glass and slowly began to draw out the oval she had decided to start with. The cut looked like a scratch

upon the glass and when she was done, just the slightest

push fried the glass from its hole. She blew out a happy

breath that there were cracks or gaps in the piece she had

just cut. Taking it she walked to one of the metal tables that sat several feet from the furnace and put her glass down. In her head she had worked up a design and now she sat trying

to visualize it before her. With a confident hand she began grozing the glass. Taking from the edges all little extra and unwanted pieces of glass. She thought for a moment about

purchasing a grinder to do this with as she worked the

grozer pliers around the edge of the oval until it was

smooth and safe for handling. She picked up her lead and

decided not to foil the back of this project, leaving it open so in the end it would be a beautiful sun catcher. She began to mix her lead and tin using a 64/37 ratio for this

decorative piece. She hummed to herself quietly and

continued to work on this piece for almost three hours

before she stopped to stretch her legs and neck. The work

room was a tad on the hot side and she left her project on

the table and made her way inside for a can of soda or tea, whatever was wet, cold and accessible. She found the

house empty on the ground level and and helped herself to

a few homemade chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk

instead. She sat at the kitchen table and ate the cookies

while thinking about colors in her head. Her leading was

done and now she would apply the coloring before baking

the entire project in the oven that sat across from the

furnace. She wondered again who used it but dismissed the

thought as she rinsed out her glass, grabbed a can of soda

and headed back to the work room. The room that had been

quiet when she left was now was now a center of noise and

heat. Shannon paused in the door and watched as Ceara

expertly fired up the furnace and tied back her hair,

seemingly in one move. She wore a pair of cut off shorts

and an old blue faded t-shirt that had the words 'just do it'

written across the back with a Nike swoosh beneath the

phrase. She watched as Ceara checked the temperature of

the furnace. She nodded and set about setting up her work

area, she had yet to see Shannon standing there as she sang along to the Cranberries as she adjusted her bench, paddles, jacks, tweezers,blocks, marvers, pontil and shears. She

watched as she picked up her blowpipe and set the tip in the furnace to heat up. She had admired blown glass her entire

life but she had never seen anyone do it in person. She

dipped the blowpipe in a pool of molten glass and gathered

it on the end. She then moved quickly to the marver on her

bench and rolled the glass on the thick piece of steel. She then leaned in and began to blow air down the tube into the glass. She watched as Ceara maneuvered the pipe with

ease, blowing into it and shaping the glass as if she had

done this all her life. Ceara picked up a jack and began to shape the piece of glass as she worked on it vigorously, as if she had twelve hands. Shannon watched in awe as the

piece of glass became a beautiful glass ball. Ceara rolled

the ball through a carefully placed row of cane, picking up several colors of glass and changed the look of the piece

quickly. She watched as Ceara then did something that

astounded her more than the rest, she twisted a second

bubble out of the cane she had just rolled through and

worked the two bubbles together. Each bubble twisted in a

different direction. Then she brought the two bubbles back

into one with air through the tube, combining all the colors in a wonderful kaleidescope effect. She used the the punty

to hold the piece while she worked on shaping the top with

the jack. In mere moments raw glass had been transformed

into what looked like an exsquite glass dish, in rainbow

colors. She knew the furnace was were the molten glass

was heated, the glory hole was used to reheat the piece as a glass worker worked and the Annaaler was where the final

piece would cool slowly without breaks from cooling too

fast. Shannon was astounded when she looked at her watch

that an hour had gone by. She stepped back into the room

now as Ceara placed the glass into the Annaaler to cool and noticed her for the first time. She wiped the sweat the

streaked her face with the sleeve of her shirt and smiled in welcome at Shannon who handed her over the can of soda,

she needed it more than her.

“I saw your piece on the table there.” Ceara gestured

towards it, speaking over the music.

“It is going to be wonderful.” she smiled and took a seat on a stool at the table across from where Shannon was

working. She had to let her arms rest for a moment before

starting again. The heat wore her out more than anything,

the furnace burned at 2000 degrees at all times.

“I had no idea you were a glass blower.” Shannon sat down

on the stool and gestured to the furnace.

“That was incredible.” she smiled shyly.

“Spying on me now are you?” Ceara laughed and pointed

towards the wall behind Shannon.

“That small fridge is full of water and soda, help yourself.”

she noticed Shannon sweating from the intense heat in the

room.

“Thanks” she got up and got herself a bottled water and

sipped greedily.

“How long have you been working glass?” she asked her as

she checked her leading and began arranging her colors

mentally.

“Well, when I was just a wee lass my Mum was always out

here with the furnace. Taught me everything she knew.” she

smiled.

“So as I got bigger, more able to handle the pipe, I was

allowed to experiment more and more. I can't imagine

doing anything else with my life.” she smiled sadly a

moment.

“You miss your Mom?” Shannon asked softly.

“Quite a bit. I guess when I come in here to work I feel her the closest to me. When I was a girl she would stand here

with me for hours, so patiently guiding my small hands,

guiding my lungs.” She shook off the memory and tried to

smile.

“What about you, how long have you worked with glass

Shannon?” Ceara tossed her empty soda can across the

room into a pale and stood to set up her next row of cane

and murrine.

“I went to art school and I majored in glass work. So it

hasn't been that long, maybe 8 years. When I went to

school I thought it was because I wanted to paint but I feel head over heels for glass. Then I stopped doing it for a

while.” she sighed at the thought.

“Why did you stop?” Ceara picked her pipe up and began

the process again.

“Trent.” Shannon bit the word off and began to color her

glass with a steady hand and deadly focus.

“This Trent sounds like he did you no favors.” She rolled

the glass on the marver as she spoke, blowing into the tube as it moved.

“No, he had his good points. Granted not many...but some.”

Shannon paused to watch her work for a moment.

“He saved me from myself at a point where I thought I was

lost.” Shannon blew out a heavy breath and watched as

Ceara expertly rolled the glass through the strips of colors she had set out, form two bubbles then work them into a

flower. She was astounded by the quick movements and

ease she seemed to work with.

“How so?” Ceara asked lowered the flower into the glory

hole for reheating.

“When I met him my parents had just died, I lost my job,

my place to stay...I was having a horrible week.” she

laughed softly.

“Then there he was. His hair was dishelved, his eyes a little devilish and my heart slipped so easily into his hands.” She scowled now.

“That is not a happy face.” Ceara clucked and broke the

flower off carefully onto the pontil.

“I know.” She hesitated. “I just thought I had found the guy that would make everything alright, ya know?”

“No, I don't know.” Ceara paused a moment and blew out a

heaving breath. Her muscles strained as she finished this

delicate flower and set it to rest in the Annaaler beside the other she had finished before it. Shannon studied her for a long time.

“You've never been in love?” she asked her carefully,

watching her face.

“Oh, I've been in love.” Ceara met her eyes now and held

them for a long moment.

“But you said....” she broke off as understanding dawned

on her.

“Does your father know?” she watched as Ceara shook her

head.

“No one does.” she flicked her wrist and opened a bottle of water, then sat back across from Shannon. Shannon stood

and placed her finished project in the oven and closed the

door softly behind her.

“Wow.” was all she said as she came back to the table and

sat down.

“Have you ever...? Been with a woman?” Shannon saw

something flash through her eyes and wished she could bite

her tongue.

“Yes.” Ceara said softly and Shannon wished she hadn't

caused the sadness that moved into her eyes.

“This is what I was doing in New York.” She answered

Shannon's question now from days before.

“This? You were blowing glass in New York?” Shannon

tried to shake some of the cobwebs out of her head. Ceara

laughed.

“No. I was debuting my art for the New York branch of an

Irish museum.” she smiled slowly.

“And? How did it go?” Shannon wiped the sweat from her

forehead. The heat in here was stifling. Ceara stood and

walked to the door, which she swung open and released

some of the heat from the room.

“I sold out. They bought everything.” She smiled brilliantly into Shannon's eyes.

“Wow, that is amazing!” Shannon smiled and clapped her

hands for her excitedly.

“I know! Problem is they placed so many more orders. Not

that anyone asked for anything specific but I have to send

them so many pieces by such a date. I've never worked that

way before.” she glanced at her furnace nervously and blew

out a slow breath.

“This is what you love...it will work out...wait... Irish

museum in New York? Sold out Irish glass worker Ceara

Llieno?!” Shannon's eyes opened wide as bewilderment set

in.

“Tis Ceara O'Neill backwards.” she laughed at Shannon's

expression.

“I can't believe this.” Shannon sputtered, pleasure flooding her features.

“And you” Ceara spoke softly. “I saw you play at the Pixie.

Your voice is like smoke and fire, hot and intense.

Emotional.”

“You saw my band?” Shannon looked shocked.

“I saw your band.” She nodded. Shannon thought for a long

moment.

“I haven't played at the Pixie in months.” she thought for a long moment.

“You did a cover of the Cranberries song, dreams, my

favorite.” she smiled into her eyes.

“I thought for sure when the music started I would be

offended...then your voice...you made me miss home.” she

smiled warmly again at the memory.

“I can' t believe I am sitting in the work room of Ceara.”

Shannon laughed.

“Oh, pfft.” Ceara blew out a long breath. “I am no one but

myself. I make glass...” she smiled confidently for a

moment.

“I make glass wonderful.” her eyes danced.

“You certainly do. Back at my place in New York I had this

bowl you did, it had a cobalt and clear finish but the bottom of it...”

“Had a four leaf clover floating in the middle.” Ceara

finished for her.

“That is one of my favorite pieces, it broke my heart when

they said it had sold. I am glad it was you who got it.” She picked up her pipe now and stepped back to the furnace.

“I am sorry.” she said and dipped the tip again.

“I have one week left and I'm down 28 pieces.” she nodded

towards the two that cooled.

“Do you mind if I watch you for a while.”

“Don't be upset when my mind goes off and I forget I am

not alone.” Shannon smiled at her in response and settled

back to watch. Her own project was to bake for hours over

low heat. The rain poured outside now, soaking the hungry

earth and she had never wanted to be somewhere more. So

she settled back and let the afternoon slide away.

After her day of watching Ceara work she was unsure about

the conclusions she had come to on the other womans

behalf. She had thought she was someone who lived in

rural Ireland who took care of her family and loved doing

it. She had been right but on the same side of the coin there was this complex and talented woman, who for days she

had spoken to without even knowing that she was this

famous glass artist. She found that she felt slightly silly because of this. Which in itself was silly. Ceara was

Ceara...whether she flipped her name and sold out glass

shows or not. Osef had stopped by the evening before to

ask Ceara down the the pub. She had declined gently and

smiled at him. “You are so much like my brother Osef” she

had said just as gently, hoping the meaning would convey

to him without causing him any hurt. He had smiled down

into her eyes and said gently “Someday, Shannon, perhaps

you will see me differently.” As she had stood watching

him leave she had known Ceara was right, Osef was taken

with her and she felt helpless to stop the situation. She had told him her story out of grief and he had listened out of

kindness. Now he felt his heart had somehow begun to

tangle with hers, that just wasn't the case on her end. So

instead she had explained how she wasn't ready for another

man in her life and prayed for now that he could accept

that. She wished however that she had chosen her words

better. Later off he had been gone for a while she realized that later those words could come back to bite her in the

ass. She brushed it aside and went to dinner with the

O'Niells. It had been a loud and noisy affair, as everything seemed to be in their home. The guests from England had

shared their table and everyone had spoken at once,

laughed and ate till they thought they would bust. Shannon

caught Ceara watching her over the table several times

during the meal and chalked it up to their understanding of each other. She excused herself early and made her way to

her room. She had sat in her window seat for hours, reading a book she had borrowed from the families library

downstairs and watching the stars on and off. Just after she turned out her light and changed into one of the few bed

shirts she had packed, she saw Osef pull off the rode and

climb out of his truck. He stood in the moonlight for a few moments just looking up at her window and she knew that

even though he couldn't see her, he knew she was there.

She closed her eyes and prayed his feelings would pass

quickly. She couldn't afford the complication of another

man in her life. Didn't want anyone else in her life. She had spent so long trying to be Trent's wife, that she had

forgotten simply how to be Shannon. She backed away

from the window, climbed into bed and pulled the blankets

up to her chin. The fire burned low as embers in the hearth across the room and the warmth of the brandy she had

sipped moments before spread through out her veins.

Peacefully she drifted down the stairs and out into the night air. Mist danced upon it and the grass already glistened

under feet. She tipped her head and listened intently to the silence, that was something there wasn't quite enough of in the city. She wandered the yard for a several long minutes, just humming to herself and enjoying the quiet. When she

turned the corner of the house she came to a stop. There in the clearing sat the O'Neills, their faces lit by fire light as laughter and music rang out to mix with the misty night air.

She turned to retreat back indoors and leave them to their

family moment. Ceara called out for her to come join them

and all at once she was encompassed by the chaos that was

O'Neill. Bram Sr. strummed an ancient guitar and the sound

rang out as true and wonderful as the day it was built.

“I hear you are a singer lass.” He smiles over at her as color began to creep up her cheeks.

“Aye, she is Da but a shy one at that.” Ceara laughed and

plucked a marshmallow from the end of her stick and

testing its temperature with the tip of her tongue. Shannon took the seat beside Bram Sr. and accepted the guitar easily as he passed it to her. Shannon strummed it testingly,

stroking the strings like long lost lovers. Her eyes drifted shut and the music that flowed through her came out rich

and strong. She sang an old Irish song that her

Grandmother had taught her when she was little. She

remembered it word for word as if it were yesterday. She

closed her eyes and gave into the song and the feel of

making music and her heart, for one brief moment, snapped

open and overflowed. By the last verse of the song the girls had tears in their eyes and the boys were mesmerized by

her. When she finally stopped singing and handed the guitar back to Bram Sr. he had to clear his throat before speaking.

“You do Ireland proud, Lass.” His voice was gruff and he

excused himself and most of the children soon after. Once

everyone was inside and it was just Shannon and Ceara,

Ceara passed her back the guitar and smiled.

“Play something else.”

“Like what?” Shannon smiled and toyed with the strings.

“Play your favorite song, whatever it is.”

Shannon found herself smiling at this very odd request but

she began to strum the strings quietly and once again she

found herself lost in the sound of the guitar and her own

voice. The song was sad and it had a way of twisting itself into your heart, making you listen even when you want to

turn away. She played it with her eyes closed and with such feeling that Ceara wasn't surprised when she felt the tears spill over and run down her cheeks. She was surprised by

the fact that Shannon was crying but didn't seem to notice it at all. She seemed to far away and lost in it that she just sat back and watched her. When the music stopped their hearts

ached in unison but neither spoke of it.

“Why is that your favorite song?” Ceara asked softly.

“My Mum used to sing it to me when I was little. Then it

was just a silly song she sang softly to me while she settled me into bed. It wasn't until I was much older and I heard

the song on the radio that I realized the beauty and the pain behind it.” Shannon handed the guitar back to her and

began to stand up.

“Do you have to go in so soon?”

Shannon smiled, cautiously.

“I don't have to but it is growing late...I should”

“Stay for a but longer.” Ceara pleaded softly. Whatever

feeling had faded earlier wasn't fading now and Shannon

wanted distance a clear head. She hadn't come to Ireland to awaken sleeping feelings, she had come to escape her life.

Without further explanation she shook her head and waved

good night. Ceara had no choice but to watch her retreat.

She had seen the shadows pass within her eyes and she

wondered but that's all she could, wonder. She carefully put out the remains of the fire pit and went inside. She could

have sworn as she passed Shannon's room that she heard

weeping, she paused only briefly and then, knowing she

should mind her own business, she moved on.

*~*~*~*~*

Shannon awoke with a start when she saw white flakes

floating past her window. She had thought it would be too

soon in the month of November for snow to fall. Then she

realized with a start once again that she was not waking up in New York and it did snow other places. She wished she

had been foreseeing enough to have packed warmer clothes

and decided to ask Ceara to take her shopping. Ceara must

have known because over the back of an old wooden chair

hung the wool sweater she had seen her wearing just days

before. With it was warm wool socks and a pair of jeans

that Shannon recognized as her own. The girl thought of

everything. Glancing at the clock mounted above the hearth

she decided to skip breakfast and take a shower right away.

It was almost 9:30am and she had an appointment with

Hannon O'Keefe at 10:45am. When she came back from

showering there was a tray with her breakfast sitting on the small window table, she smiled despite the fact she had

decided to skip breakfast. Checking the time again she saw

that it was 9:58am and she had plenty of time to eat. So she sat down and pulled off the plates cover, sniffing at the

fragrant eggs and fruit that adorned the plate. She sipped

her tea and sighed, Nessa and Dealla sure were good at

breakfast. She ate with an appetite she had thought had

long since died. Finished, she pulled on her coat only to

find it didn't fit on over the sweater. She hung her coat back on the hanger in the closet and decided to borrow one from

someone in the house. Though when she got downstairs

there was no one to be found. Nessa and Dealla would be

changing sheets and cleaning the guest areas. Ceara had

already done the dishes and from the sounds at the back of

the house was already hard at work with her glass. It was

snowing pretty hard so she assumed that the men would be

out securing the cows in the barn and making sure they

were milked and fed. She wished she had time to spend

working on her glass but she didn't just now. She also made a mental note to ask Ceara how to teach her to blow glass

when she wasn't so busy. Maybe she was better off taking a

class. She looked around for a coat and not finding one

paused at a note on the kitchen table addressed to her. It

simply stated that Mr. O'Keefe would be calling on her this AM and she need not travel to his office in this weather.

Relieved, she poured herself another cup of coffee and sat

down at the table. She thought for several long moments

about how hard it must be for Ceara to live in her secret

world. Then she remembered that she had been linked to a

model in New York City when she had been there. She

wondered now if that model was the woman she had been

in love with. She sipped from her mug, startled when Ceara

came into the kitchen dripping sweat and distracted. She

was holding her hand and muttering under her breath.

Shannon got up immediately and took her hand to look at

it.

“What happened?” she asked taking in the burn and

worrying her lip.

“Hand between the punty and the glass. Tis nothing.” Ceara

tried to step around her.

“I can't get to the salve if you won't move.” Ceara swore

lightly as Shannon gently checked her hand.

“Do you need me to call a doctor?” She watched Ceara

grab a tube of ointment from a cabinet shelf and twist the

cap off with her teeth.

“No need. I am used to this Shannon. It's really nothing.”

Ceara squeezed the tube with her good hand.

“Nothing?” Shannon bit her lip. “Your skin is bubbling,

looks like something to me.”

“I'm more pissed over the fact I'm going to miss my

deadline. The crates came today and I only have half of the pieces done. I have several more cooling...but it is not

enough.” She sat down at the table with a roll of gauze and a roll of medical tape. Shannon slid her chair over and

wrapped her hand for her, taping it off at the wrist.

“You are the talented Ceara.” She smiled at her.

“They have to wait for you.”

Ceara blew out a long breath and rested her head against

the back of the chair.

“They have to wait for me.” she repeated and smiled

slowly.

“Thanks for wrapping my hand.” She began to get up to

head back to the room.

“Shannon.” She paused and turned back to her for just a

moment. Shannon looked at her quizzically for a moment.

“Yeah?” she watched Ceara wage a war with herself.

“I was in the middle of a piece...” she paused, looking

uncertain.

“I can't finish it now.” She waved her bandaged hand

around.

“I wouldn't know what to do...” Shannon began to

apologize.

“I can walk you through it. Besides, be honest, you wanted

to learn anyway.” She watched Shannon's guilty smile

spread and waited for her to join her in the hall. For a

moment neither woman moved, they stood close together

and neither spoke. Then the moment was gone. Whatever it

was that was happening between them, Shannon wanted it

to stop. Without a word they went into the work room and

Ceara handed her the jack.

“It's too cool now, you will have to stick it in the glory hole to heat it up again.”

Shannon pondered for a moment.

“Why do you suppose it is called a glory hole?” She asked

as she held it in the furnace like Ceara told her to. Ceara stood behind her, with her good hand steadying Shannon's

own. She had come to Ireland to find things out about

herself but this isn't one of the things she wanted to know.

Ceara's closeness was making it hard for her to think, to

breathe. She wasn't into women so why was she making

small bubbles of hot butterflies swirl uncontrollably in her stomach. She pulled the glass from the hole and rolled it the way Ceara told her to. She rolled over the colored strips of crimson and hunter green that Ceara had broken up and

lined up on the bench to be rolled in before she had burnt

herself. She worked the glass into a larger bubble, Ceara

blew into the pipe and watched the bubble grow as

Shannon rolled it for her.

“Now, slam the pipe against the table like this.” She

demonstrated in the air.

“Won't it break?” Shannon looked skeptical.

“If you do it just like I say, it won't. I promise.” Ceara lined the pontil up for her and watched Shannon debate how to

do it.

“Just like I said.” She showed her the motion again.

Shannon picked the pipe up as she was shown and slammed

it against the table. The glass bubble broke off and landed on the punty with a soft thud. She smiled widely and put

the pipe down on the stand as she had seen Ceara do.

“Now, hurry, grab that jack and start shaping this.” She

stood behind her, breasts to back and showed her how to

work the glass. Shannon found it hard to concentrate with

Ceara's breath blowing across her neck. She swallowed

hard and tried to focus.

“I get it.” She assured her. “You can sit.”

Ceara moved away and took a seat across from her. She

sipped from a bottle of water she had left open on the table.

“You're a natural.” She told Shannon and smiled at her.

Shannon smiled back and looked down at what they had

created together. Then feeling suddenly dizzy and slightly

sick, she ran to the trash bin in the corner and threw up.

Ceara watched her for a long moment and frowned when

the doorbell sounded at the front of the house.

“That would be Mr. O'Keefe.” Ceara walked to her and

paused over her bottle of water.

“You've been doing that a lot lately” she motioned to the

trash can.

“Stress.” Shannon assured her and tried to steady herself.

“Are you alright now?” She shook her head when Shannon

tried to give her back the water.

“You can keep that.” she laughed softly.

“Thanks.” Shannon looked towards the door as Nessa came

in.

“Hannon is here.” she announced and left as quickly as she

had come in. Shannon walked to the door only to pause

when Ceara called her name. She turned to face her.

“If you don't fell better in a few days...promise me you will see the doctor?” Ceara looked so concerned that Shannon

smiled despite herself and nodded.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*

“The business of divorce is ugly.” Hannon O'Keefe was

nothing like the other men Shannon had met during her

time in Ireland. He was just over 5 feet tall and his hair was white under his ancient hat. It looked like a plaid fedora.

He had dancing eyes and a quick smile but his insight into

this ugly matter was also quite pointed.

“I don't care.” Shannon assured him. “I just want out.”

Hannon nodded his head at her and began to ask questions

like

“Is there anything in particular in New York you can't live without?” His pen paused inches from the legal pad he had

pulled from his ancient leather briefcase.

“My cat, Snitches.” she taped her fingers against the top of the desk they sat at.

“Anything else?”

“My guitars.” she sighed. “That's about it. Everything else he can stuff.” She smirked.

“You are not demanding at all.” he patted her hand.

“I'll make some phones calls and get these papers out right away.” he stood up and shuffled the papers.

“Thank you Mr. O'Keefe” he nodded at her with a slight

smile.

“Will you be staying in Ireland for a while then?” she

thought for a moment about his question.

“I am honestly not sure what I'll be doing. Soon I'll be free to just do it.” she smiled and waved at him as he made his

way out the door to his car.

“Everything go alright?” Ceara appeared in the doorway

behind her moments after the gentleman had excused

himself.

“It will be.” she tried to smile but tears were too close.

“I'm allergic to cats.” Ceara said teasingly and smiled at

her.

“You were eavesdropping!” Shannon laughed and wiped at

her eyes.

“It will get easier.” she tugged on her hand.

“Nessa made lunch. You should eat.” Ceara walked with

her down the hall.

“Ceara...” Shannon stopped at the stairs and looked at her

with sad eyes.

“Whatever is happening here... with us. It can't right now.”

now as the tears spilled over she apologized softly and

headed upstairs. Ceara stood for a long moment looking up

the stairs after her. She couldn't control what was between them anymore than Shannon could. For now she sighed and

decided to let it ride.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Osef had called for her several times. She refused every

single one of his calls. She knew he was just concerned

because he and everyone else in Doolin now knew she was

getting a divorce. They also knew that she had fled from

New York to Ireland on a whim to get away from her

husband. The whole town seemed to be speculating over

why she had fled, why she was here. Everywhere she had

gone the last few days she had been met by this speculation and tired of dealing with it, had decided to lock herself

away in her room and just not deal with any body at all.

She was tired, miserable and hating Trent was consuming a

good portion of her day. She suspected that hate wasn't a

healthy emotion but at the moment she did not care. It had

been a week since he would have gotten the papers and she

had heard nothing from Mr. O'Keefe or Trent regarding the

matter. She was happy she hadn't heard from Trent but she

was sure by now she should have heard something from the

lawyer. Nothing. She sat in the window seat, curled up with her forehead against the glass. Outside the wind whipped

the tree's into a frenzy and rain threatened the sky. The

weather suited her mood to the t she thought. She wondered

if she was going to become one of those bitter old ladies

she often saw walking down the packed streets in New

York. Those women who were so abused by life that

nothing or no one could crack their shell or make them

smile. She didn't want that for herself, ever. Whens he had met Trent he had swept in like a whirlwind, sweeping her

heartsick heart off its feet. He had been sweet, attentive and adoring. She had fallen for him almost instantly. Then the

lies began to come. He lied about working, lied about

drinking, lied about money and the worst one, he lied about women. There seemed to be a lot of them. Acid burned in

the back of her throat and she thought about her promise to Ceara. If she didn't feel better by tomorrow, she'd see the doctor. The sky opened up and unleashed its torrent upon

the earth as Shannon drifted off to sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

*

“She hasn't been out of her room in a week.” Dealla argued

with her sister.

“Maybe she needs time.” Nessa countered and tossed the

salad she had just put together.

“The heart is a mysterious thing.” Deven said as he set the table.

“What do you know about it?” Keelan folded napkins into

swans and pretended that he hated doing it.

“I know plenty.” Deven purposely put his sisters salad forks in the wrong spot knowing it would drive Nessa nuts.

“You have to be the only 19 year old virgin I've ever met”

Dealla giggled and flipped the meat in the broiler. The

color immediately climbed up Deven's cheeks as he

scowled at his sister.

“Sometimes it is just as important to a guy that he wait till marriage than it is a girl.” He answered and continued to set the table, now placing glasses behind all the plates.

“Sure, if you're queer.” Keelan laughed.

“What's wrong with being queer?” Nessa asked as she

placed the salad on the table.

“Nothing at all, Nessa.” Ceara answered as she came into

the room. She sometimes wondered how different her life

would be if she was honest with her family. She worried

her father couldn't handle the disappointment so she kept it to herself.

“Still no Shannon?” She looked towards the stairs when she

was told no.

“Can't be healthy sitting up there in that room crying all

day.” Keelan said as he placed the last napkin. Dealla

turned off the flame under the meat and Nessa shook a

bottle of vinegar and oil as her father stepped through the back door, soaked and smiling at his children.

“Do I smell biscuits?” he asked as he kicked off his boots

and hung his rain slicker near the door. He was grateful to his sons as he stepped into the kitchen and felt the warmth of the fire. He had been out all day laying the ground work for his wedding gift to Bram and Aggie. They seemed

young but their love was so strong. He remembered being

17 and in love with his wild Rose.

“Home made biscuits at that.” Keelan smiled.

“I had some extra time today.” Nessa shrugged.

“How is your hand?” He asked Ceara as he sat down at the

head of the table. She flexed it and only grimaced slightly.

“A little crispy still.” her father nodded and looked past her to the doorway were Shannon stood for the first time in a

week.

“Now there's a lass.” Bram senior said under his breath.

Ceara looked towards the door immediately and was

alarmed by the rings around her eyes and the hollowness of

her cheeks.

“Rough week?” Deven asked as he welcomed her to the

table. Steaks were being passed around and potatoes and

biscuits came hot from the oven moments later.

“Very.” She nodded at him and took a seat between Nessa

and Keelan. They ate in silence for several long minutes.

“Dealla, is this a new rub?” her father looked upon her

proudly.

“Yes, Dad.” She smiled, pleased that he had noticed and

seemed to approve.

“What is that secret flavor?” he asked, rolling the meat

across his tongue.

“Fresh rosemary.” Nessa smiled at her sister, happy their

effort had paid off.

“Quite a lucky man I am” his lilt seemed heavier when

soaked in pride. The conversation seemed to envelope the

O'Neills in a way Shannon had never observed first hand

before. One would talk over the other and the other would

answer a question asked fifteen minutes before and

forgotten till that moment. In the chaos of it all, she was content to sit back and watch, listen and absorb the unity

that was this family. She thought back to her own

childhood and wished it had been different. Her Father had

worked two jobs and her mother had stayed at home with

her. Her Mom had doted on her endlessly, always

complimenting her art work, her writing, anything she did

creatively. Shannon had her Mom to thank for her artistic

ego and confidence. Her thoughts swirled away from her,

carrying her far from this table and this family back to her own, so long ago.

Dole was six years younger than her. He had deep

chocolate eyes and deep brown hair that he wore spiked at

all times. Or he had, until he had out grown it in high

school, coming to favor a longer more emo look like all the other kids those days. He wore faded jeans in black, worn

to the point of fraying, combat boots, an old military jacket and a faded and well loved clash t-shirt the last time she

saw him. He had pierced his left eye brow to match his

right, his labret, lip, nose, tongue and ears. His hair on this particular day was swept up into a multi length faux hawk

that was dyed black and bright orange. He had sat in the

studio, leaning over his worn fender, playing a song from

his heart with his eyes closed. His fingers caressed each fret drawing out the notes in a loving manner. He didn't open

his eyes but he knew she was there, he always knew. She

leaned against the door jam, listening intently to the

wonderfully sad sound of the achingly slow riff he played

so easily. He drew out the final notes splintering what was left of her heart before setting the guitar down and opening his eyes.

“Not bad for a kid who couldn't pass music class.” she

smiled and swept into the room to embrace him.

“Music wasn't cool until I found an alternative to main

stream rock and then I was too old to flaunt it.” he hugged her tight and smiled into her hair.

“Old my ass.” she laughed.

“It is looking a bit saggy.” he smiled at the look of horror upon her face.

You should be playing professionally” she paced around

the room now and ran her hand over a dusty piano.

“I should be” he smiled wistfully.

“However, the fates have not been so kind as of late.” He

picked up his cheese cloth and began to wipe his

fingerprints from his guitar. She wandered to the window

and stared out over the city.

“Whats going on?” Dole placed his guitar on it's stand and

walked over to rest his hands on her shoulders. She leaned

back, feeling his chest against her back and his chin on the top of her head. Why couldn't Trent be more like Dole? She

wished she could voice that thought but Dole already hated

Trent so much, she didn't want to make it worse. She

sighed.

“Out with it.” he ordered and turned her around to face

him. He hated the look of disappointment and pain that had

lived in her eyes since she had met and married Trent. He

never understood why she had married him. She wrestled

with herself for a moment then decided, much like a band

aid, it was best to do it quickly and all at once.

“I caught Trent with another woman.” Dole didn't even try

to look surprised. He just frowned and rubbed his hands up

and down her shoulders for a long moment looking

apologetically at her.

“It gets worse.” She felt his fingers stiffen marginally

before he dropped his hands and walked over to the piano

bench and dropped down.

“Something tells me I want to sit down for this. If anything that bastard did is worse than cheating then I guess I may

need to hold onto this bench to keep from choking him.

Shannon refused to meet his eyes , instead she turned back

to the window and regretted what she would have to say

next.

“I didn't just catch him with anyone this time.” she turned back to him, began to pace.

“Oh?” his heart raced in his chest, anger was already

churning in his stomach.

“Dole.” her voice was an apology in itself and he closed his eyes.

“Just say it.” he knew already and would have chose to lose a limb rather than hear her words.

“I caught him with Anna.” she stopped now, watching the

color drain from his cheeks and his eyes go steely and cold.

“My Anna?” he choked on the words and ran his hands

absently through his hair. He prided himself on being this

tough, I can take care of myself guy, he adored his Anna.

They had been together for several years now and Shannon

hated hurting him like this.

“Are you sure?” he watched her closely as she nibbled on

her lower lip and nodded her head in confirmation. When

she stopped pacing and nodded slowly, everything in him

went cold and disconnected.

“I'm so sorry.” she walked towards him, hoping if she held

him tight enough she could take some of his pain. It had

been just as much a shock to her as it was to him now.

Before she reached him however, he stood up from the

bench with such force it tipped over and clattered to the

studio floor. With three long strides he was out the door and already heading down the stairs to the outside of the

building. Shannon stood helplessly, watching out the

window as Dole climbed into his car and took off from the

curb. She held her breath for a long moment, then

shrugged. She had never liked Anna. She did however, love

her brother and wished she hadn't had to hurt him. Hating

Trent more than ever, she walked to the studio windows

and stood looking out over the city well after the sun had

set in the sky for the night.

She found him later at his gym where he lifted weights

angrily and she heard snarls of sad rock pouring out of his headphones. He didn't turn around when she came in,

though he saw her in the floor to ceiling mirrors that stood in front of him. His eyes remained vacant and cold as he

grunted with effort as he lifted the massive weight again

and again. As he dropped the weights back down into there

holders, he pulled the headphones from his ears and let

them rest around his neck. She heard the final notes of

Chevelles suffocating fade into Seethers fine again and

knew he was in the feel sorry for myself stage of his

evening. Most people would have lost themselves in a

bottle or two. Dole worked out till he couldn't see through his own curtain of sweat. They stood staring at each other

for a long moment and Shannon realized two things, her

brothers knuckles were swollen and the heart tattoo on his

right shoulder that had held Anna's name just this afternoon was now a hissing, venom leaking king cobra. Within

Temptations what have you done began to coil from the

head set as Dole once again hefted the weights and began

lifting slowly.

“We have to talk about this” Shannon sat on the weight

bench behind him and crossed her legs. He shook his head

in answer.

“No, we don't.” Dole bit off breathlessly and continued to

lift until his breathing sounded ragged.

“Dole. Please.” Shannon pleaded and saw him falter for a

moment. She realized as his eyes flicked to hers in the

mirror, then away again quickly, that he blamed her for this as well. The pain was of the searing sort that shot from her heart to her eyes and made her gasp out loud. Shannon

stood up and nodded her head in what she hoped he would

see as an admittance of guilt. She got the message loud and clear, if she hadn't brought Trent into his life then Anna

would still be his. She walked to the door and put her hand on the door knob. It swung open and hit her hard in the

shoulder before she could get out of the way. Anna was a

lot of things but when she was angry, she was scariest. She was usually quiet, calm and the best friend a girl could

have.

“You big macho son of a bitch.” she bit off as she streaked towards him.

“Me?” Dole turned around and dropped the weights on the

floor beside him and took two long strides away from her

that Shannon assumed was necessary to keep from killing

her.

“What the hell did I do?” Dole's eyes flared as he began to pace.

“You broke his jaw, you asshole! He has a show in 3 hours

with your sister and he CAN'T play!” she picked up a

plastic water bottle and threw it across the room at Dole,

where it hit him soundly upside the head.

“And I'm supposed to care that the guy you were fucking

behind my back has to eat through a straw for a while?”

Dole watched her crumple onto the bench that Shannon had

abandoned and heard her sniffle.

“You think I cheated on you Dole? Did Shannon tell you

that?” she wiped at the tears on her cheeks angrily. When

all Dole did was stare at her, she shook her head and

sobbed loudly.

“I went to their house looking for Shannon. She wasn't

home and I know, I know, when she came in it looked bad

because Trent was holding me while I cried. I was just so

overwhelmed and he was nice to me.” she broke off as

Dole looked from her, over her shoulder at Shannon who

still stood half hidden behind the door.

“Why would you go to my sisters house crying?” He

stopped pacing and picked up a box of tissues from the

filing cabinet in the corner.

“Well.” Anna began and blew out a heavy breath. “This

isn't exactly how I wanted to do this.” she broke off and

nodded thankfully at him for the tissues as he handed them

over to her.

“Come on Anna, you can tell me anything.” Dole sat beside

her now on the weight bench and pulled her into his lap.

She shoved at him for a moment, then gave in and tucked

her head into his shoulder. Shannon realized the gravity of her mistake at this moment and everything inside her told

her what an ass she was.

“You started to propose to me that night at the restaurant, then you got scared and stopped.” He nodded at her,

remembering and feeling shameful now that he had never

finished what he had started that night.

“I was so relieved because I thought we could hurry up and

get married...” she broke off and blew her nose.

“Why in the hell would you want to hurry Anna? You

always told me what a big wedding you wanted. I'm saving

as fast as I can...” she shook her head at him and sniffled again.

“We...we need to get married sooner than later.” she met his eyes and held for a long moment.

“The night with the wine, the candles...” he broke off and

sighed heavily.

“I'm such a fool.” she nodded at him and smiled.

“So you're?” she nodded before he finished asking.

“Oh Dole. She sobbed again.

“What?” he held her tightly.

“You really thought I could cheat on you?” she wiped at her eyes sadly.

“You've been acting so weird lately.” he shook his head.

“My Anna.” he kissed her.

“You broke Trent's jaw?” Shannon stepped out from behind

the door, holding her shoulder and obviously shaken.

“Oh Shannon.” Anna sighed and blew her nose again.

“Anna....” Shannon felt her stomach turn with regret and

wished she could get away.

“I'm so sorry.” Anna said and blew out a heavy sob, trying

to catch her breath.

“I went to your house looking for you. I had just found out I was pregnant and I was scared. I couldn't find Dole

anywhere. I guess I didn't look all that hard...I wasn't ready to tell him. I was scared...Trent was nice to me. He said you weren't home and I guess that was the last straw. I started to cry and he barely had a chance to hug me before you came

flying through the house and started screamed about how

could we do this to Dole? I would never hurt Dole. I would

never hurt you.” she turned back to him now. He nodded

his head and kissed her cheeks, gently, one at a time.

“Let's go to Vegas tonight.” he said softly and watched her smile spread.

“Really? Is that a king cobra?” she touched the cellophane

gently and met his eyes.

“Oh Dole.” she said again and once again sobbed softly. He

shook his head and wiped his own eyes.

“It's only a temp.” he laughed. Pealed the cellophane down

and rubbed at it with her pointer. When it smudged, she

threw her head back and laughed.

“Anna, I could never be whole without you.” He whispered

into her hair now as he pulled her close to him.

*~*~*~*~*~*

~*

The sound of breaking glass and loud swearing pulled

Shannon back into the here and now. She thought about

Anna and Dole and little baby Brennon and smiled now. So

much had changed. Much more swearing.

“Fuck, fuck. FUCK!” Ceara came tearing down the hall

into the kitchen and started flinging open cabinets.

“What is it?” Shannon moved forward and took her left

hand gently.

“Oh my. You need a doctor.” She held tight and looked

down at the puckered and burned skin. Ceara shook her

head and kept opening cabinets with her other hand.

“No time. I've 28 pieces yet to finish for this shipment.” she blew out a heavy breath and sagged against the counter top

as Shannon gently applied the balm Ceara had finally

pulled from one of the open cabinets.

“It was 27 pieces but I dropped this last one.” she looked

mournfully down the hall where the music still poured from

the open door.

“I need you to turn off my furnace.” Ceara said sadly and

shook her head.

“Can't you just cancel this shipment until you are better?”

When Ceara shook her head Shannon watched her for a

moment.

“Why not?” Ceara sighed and realizing Shannon still had

her hand, took it away and walked to the table where she

dropped into a chair.

“I've already spent the money.” She admitted sheepishly.

“I saw the prices on those pieces! What in the world could

you have spent that much money on!?” Ceara looked

around herself for a long moment and blew out a long

breath.

“This place needed a new roof. I added on the room for the

furnace. It used to be down the path some in an old wooden

shack. I didn't have the room I needed in there.” She shook her head.

“I made a lot of money. I know.” she smiled.

“But I put most of it into a secret gift for my brother and his beloved.” she smiled again now, this time her eyes

twinkled.

“Gift?” Shannon watched Ceara nod her head excitedly.

“I'd love to show it to you.” Ceara smiled and looked out

over the back land of the farm.

“Sure. Right after I take you to the hospital. You could need skin grafting or some other really gross procedure!”

Shannon said when Ceara arched a skeptical brow at her.

“You could lose use of that hand and never work again.”

Shannon smiled in triumph when she saw the sad shock of

the truth sinking into Ceara's head.

“Fine but only cause I have obligations I need to get to.

Now if you don't mind, we need to turn off my furnace.

Shannon followed her all the while smiling. She had

actually won a round versus Ceara and she knew that was

no small feat.

“I should have taken you the first time you burnt yourself.”

Shannon nagged as she cranked off the furnace. Ceara

didn't answer her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

*

They sat shoulder to shoulder in an emergency room for 1

hour 16 minutes and 28 seconds before someone called

Ceara's name. She grabbed Shannon's hand with her good

one and pulled her to her feet beside her. Fear was not

something Shannon expected to see in this woman's eyes.

She expected to see heat, anger, fire...so many hot stormy

emotions that she couldn't even name. Never did she expect

to see fear there in there place. So she nodded her head and fell into step beside her. The walked down a long white

hall, which connected to yet another long white hall and

were told to sit patiently in this small white room and

someone would be right with them.

“I hate hospitals.” Ceara murmured and stared down at the

tip of her glass spotted shoe.

“Me too.” Shannon patted her thigh and blew out a long

sigh.

“Bet you are glad you came to Ireland now, huh?” she

laughed and studied a poster about abstinence with weary

eyes.

“Actually, I am.” Shannon smiled and picked at a pile of

old magazines. Before she settled on one of the dozen 3

year old magazines there was a knock on the door and the

doctor stepped into the room. Shannon watched him

examine Ceara's hand under a strong overhead light.

“How in the world did you go about doing this to

yourself?” he asked and turned her hand again to get a

better look at her palm.

“I want blowing a glass bowl, when I rolled it the damn

thing broke lose on me. That never happens!” she added

when he clucked his tongue at her in answer.

“I knew one day the mighty Ceara would end up here

eventually.” he smiled as she blushed. Shannon laughed at

them both.

“You know who I am then?” she nodded her head and

swore lightly when he began to wash the damaged skin

from her hand.

“All of Clare County knows who you are. I may have to

graft this.”

“See!” Shannon said and smirked at her.

“I don't have time for a graft. I have 28 pieces left to go.”

“Your wounds know no time other than the time they need

to heal” he told her and excused himself for a moment.

“He's flirting with you.” Shannon said as soon as the coast was clear. Ceara barely raised an eyebrow.

“I got that.” she said and looked at her hand more carefully under the light.

“I can't miss this dead line.” her voice wavered slightly.

Shannon pondered her avoidance of the doctors obvious

intentions and focused on the dead line.

“There must be something you can do.” Shannon stood and

paced the small area they were seated in.

“Alright, it is settled then.” The Dr. McDollen announced

as he came back into the room.

“What is?” Ceara and Shannon asked in unison.

“Your room is being prepared now.” He told Ceara happily

and opened the clipboard in his hand.

“My room? Wait, what?” Ceara sputtered.

“You need to have skin from your thigh placed over the

wound on your hand. The damage is great lass and we don't

have a lot of time to work with such an injury. You will

check in, spend the night with us. Tomorrow morning we

will do the simple procedure and save that hand of yours.”

He snapped the clipboard closed and headed back out of the

room.

“I can't believe this.” Ceara dropped her face into her good hand and sighed loudly. Shannon came to sit beside her and

smiled half heartedly.

“I'm sorry Ceara.” she said softly and patted her thigh

lightly. She should have learned by now not to touch her. At all, ever. She felt the spark in her palm and felt like trash.

This couldn't be happening. Dismissing it she shook off the feeling and smiled brightly.

“Tis not your fault.” Ceara told her and shook her head.

“I was careless. I knew better, when the bowl his the punty so early I should have stopped to check my seal. I should

have had my gloves on and I should have never tried to

grab the bowl out of the air. It was just so beautiful. I

couldn't believe that I had created it. Sometimes...that's

how I feel when I see my own work. My god..I did that?”

she paused, licked her lips.

“I understand that feeling. Sometimes I find myself sitting at the piano with my eyes closed, just touching the keys

with my heart, or so it feels. Then all at once it feels like the notes find a way in, they float into my soul just as they had floated out of my heart. Then I am woken from my

trance and I ache.” she met Ceara's eyes and smiled.

“You miss it.”

“Very much.” Shannon nodded slowly.

“Do you think you will go back. To New York I mean, not

to your husband.” Ceara flushed slightly over her bobble.

Shannon shook her head no.

“When I married Trent I was young and naive. I'm not that

girl anymore.” her eyes were sad.

“You wish you were though.” Ceara said softly.

“Sometimes. More than that I wish Trent would have

grown into the man I saw inside the boy.” She shook her

head, shaking off the old wants.

“Tis hard to lose love.” Ceara said as the doctor tapped on the door again. Shannon nodded her head, happy that the

conversation wouldn't be able to go on.

“Your room is ready. Your friend can stay for another hour, no more. Your surgery is very early in the morning and we

need to start the antibiotics at once.” McDonnell walked in front of them as he spoke, leading them down one sterile

hall into another. Finally, after what seemed like a dozen

corridors, they entered and elevator and the doctor pressed the number 3 and stood back. They rode in silence from the

1st to the 3rd floor. He took them past a nurses station, down another plain white hall and finally into room 311. Here he wished Ceara luck and discouraged, said good bye. Ceara

looked around the room slowly and frowned.

“This is not how I had plAnnad on spending my evening.”

she scowled at the johnny pants and shirt they had left for her on the bed.

“You need help changing?” Shannon said, eying the clothes

just as she did. Ceara looked at her hand and frowned

again.

“I guess I do.” though she didn't look pleased at all about needing help.

“Great. I'll get you a nurse.” Shannon turned on her heel

and headed out the door. Ceara shook her head and touched

the top gingerly. When Shannon returned alone moments

later she looked baffled.

“I swear I didn't see a single nurse out there.” she laughed nervously and closed the door at her back.

“I guess I could help you.” Ceara sighed thankfully and

turned her back to her.

“If you wouldn't mind much, I would appreciate a bit of

help.” Shannon stepped up behind Ceara and eased her shirt

up over her shoulders and tossed it on the end of the bed.

The muscles that trembled in her stomach as she did so

were quickly dismissed, until Ceara turned around, topless

and waited for Shannon to help her pull the other top on.

Shannon stood for a long moment, staring, before she

realized she was doing so and that she had caused color to

creep up Ceara's face.

“I'm...” she stammered. Christ what's wrong with me?

Shannon asked herself silently. “I'm sorry” she finished and help up the top for Ceara to stick her arms through.

“What is there to be sorry about?” Ceara asked, her voice

sounding a bit far off to her own ears. Shannon's fingers

faltered on the johnny strings as she tried to tie them.

“Shannon.” Ceara said her name softly as Shannon lowered

her jeans to the floor to help her out of them. Her voice was a bit choked and now it was her stomach that jittered in

response to her careful touch. Shannon looked up from

where she had knelt in front of her and feelings she had

never felt crept along her skin, up her spine. She nearly

knocked over the beside table she stood up so fast.

Shannon's hands trembled as she tightened the hospital

pants around Ceara's hips and she couldn't look her in the

eye.

“Visiting hours must be over.” she prayed they were. Ceara

watched her for a long moment, then nodded slowly.

“We could talk about this.” she offered softly as Shannon

folded the discarded clothes and placed them in the top

drawer of the bed side table. She shook her head and

looked towards the door as if she wanted to bolt through it.

“I don't see what there is to talk about.” she cleared her

throat twice and as she tended to do, began pacing the room in front of the bed. Ceara arched an eyebrow and looked

wistfully at the bed.

“We can talk when you are ready. In the mean time I'm

feeling a bit tired and I'd like to get into bed.” Shannon felt foolish as she stepped forward and pulled down the simple

white blanket and underlying top sheet for her. Once she

had Ceara all tucked in, she took special care to tuck away the feelings that had a tendency to kick up around her.

“You alright?” She asked her quietly and took a seat next to the bed.

“Thought you said visiting hours were over?” Ceara asked

her quizzically and enjoyed the mix of emotions that played so openly over Shannon's features. She wondered if she

knew just how easy she was to read when she wore her

emotions so close to the surface. Ceara closed her eyes for a long moment remembering what it had been like for her

when she had been with men. Before she was honest with

herself, if only she could be honest with everyone. She

wondered if Shannon knew how she looked at her,

wondered what it would mean when she figured out for

herself, what it meant. Shannon seemed to be lost in

thoughts of her own, whatever they were they involved

Ceara's bottom lip and had her blood stirring in reaction, a reaction that was both unwanted and becoming increasingly

hard to bluff her way through. When the nurse stepped in

moments later both women snapped from their trances and

their eyes locked for one long moment. Shannon's heart

pounded in her ears, loudly. Ceara had trouble swallowing

the plain white pill the nurse handed her, the water was as dry as chalk as the smoke curled around her head from the

look Shannon was burning her with.

“Visiting hours are over now.” Came the announcement

over the loud speaker. Standing slowly, Shannon sighed

heavily and walked to wear Ceara laid in the bed. The nurse smiled, told her five more minutes only and left as quietly as she had come in.

“You must be scared.” Shannon said softly. Watching as

Ceara seemed to have trouble staying awake.

“Not really, no. Not until the morning, then I'll be plenty scared.” She smiled weakly and tried to stifle a yawn.

“Must have been a strong sleeping pill.” Shannon tossed a

look towards the door and wondered how she was supposed

to get home. When had she started thinking of the inn as

home? She didn't have time to think about it. Ceara must

have seen the panic in her eyes.

“Ask the nurse to ring my Da, he can tell you have to get

home” her eyes drifted closed as she spoke. Shannon

nodded her head at her but knew it was a lost cause, Ceara

was out for the night.

*~*~*~*~*~*

~*

Finding her way back to the inn wasn't as hard as she had

thought it would be. Maneuvering the small truck on the

wrong side of the road in the dark was a whole other story.

She had found her way back in just after 10pm and found

that either Nessa or Deanna had laid a fire for her in her

room and left a plate of cookies to snack on. She was so

thankful for the cookies she thought she could kiss those

girls! They always seemed to know exactly what it was she

would need. She rolled the tension from her shoulders and

decided to get ready for bed. She slid out of her clothes,

into the waiting flannel night gown and laid down on the

bed. She had the lights off, the fire burning and the blankets wrapped around her. She watched the rain slant angrily

against the window and slid silently off to sleep.

There was candle light and music. The glow of the soft

light illuminated her eyes as Shannon looked at her and smiled. Was that Mozart in the background? Something

bouncy and classical, it made her spirits soar. She felt hot, her skin tingled and then she felt the fingers glide lightly up her thigh, causing her breath to catch, her lungs to burn.

Her stomach felt like it was full of jelly, it trembled and tingled with every touch. Her lips parted, achingly, waiting to be touched. She felt wet, excited and needy. Who was this dream lover?

She sat up with a startled gasp in the dark and looked at the now dimly lit fireplace. She searched her mind for the

edges of the dream. Who was the mystery person? Was it

Osef? It didn't seem likely, he reminded her so much of

Dole that it would be weird if it was. Shrugged it off, she let the merciful waves of sleep carry her back under.

*~*~*~*~*

She slept on and off through the night. Dreams of

passionate lovers came in heavy, heady streams that caused

her to wake in a sweaty state more than once in the night.

Finally just before dawn she threw back the covers and

climbed out of the bed. Barefoot in her night gown she

walked to the fireplace and tossed a new log in and

watched it catch from the glowing embers. Climbing into

the window seat, she pulled her knee's to her chest and

hugged them as she gazed out over the darkened hills. She

knew just mere hours from now that the sun would climb

lazily over the rolling green hills to the east washing the land with its light. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

She would have given anything to stay in this moment

forever. She couldn't remember the last time she had woken

peacefully. She watched the sky began its wash of color

and realized she had sat staring out over those hills a lot longer than she had meant to. It was so easy to let herself drift here, far from worry and regret. She felt guilty for not feeling guilty about Trent. She sighed again, accepting

finally that they had never meant to be. They had clicked

musically but emotionally he had always left her high and

dry. She could never lay in his arms and cry. She could

never have fallen into his eyes. Weren't those the things

love counted on? There were so many things she could see

now that she had missed in the past. She had kept herself so busy pretending not to see the flaws between them that

after a while she actually stopped seeing them. Maybe she

had been too critical. Maybe if she had just let him be him, they would have been happier. This is where she stopped

her chain of thought. This wasn't her fault, she had given

him the best of her heart and he had cheated on her

countless times. Not countless, she told herself. 8 times.

The bastard had cheated 8 times and she had forgiven,

looked past it and he had promised every time that it was

the last time. Always the last time. There was a ring of truth to that now though, she smiled sadly to herself, it finally was the last time. She watched the colors grow and slide

through the sky, mingling with the blue that began to

stretch as far as the eye could see. Maybe one day she

would find a way to settle down here in Ireland. She had

never enjoyed a sunset so much or found a house that felt

so close to being her home. That pinched some. She had

dreamed of having a home when her and Dole had been

kids. Their house had been sterile. Lacking in affection and warmth. The only love in that house had been between her

and Dole. He had nurtured her loving spirit ever since that had brought here home from the hospital. She missed him

so much. Glancing at her watch she smiled to herself. It

would be after 11am in New york. She got up and grabbed

her cell phone, then wandered back to the window. She

punched in his number and leaned back against the window

frame. He sounded annoyed when he answered and she

knew immediately that she had caught him in his studio.

“Hey there” she said and smiled, the annoyance in his voice turned to pleasure when he answered her.

“Ah, there you are.” he said as if she was a set of lost keys.

“Where are you?” he asked trying not to sound like an over

protective brother and failed.

“In a very small town in Ireland.”

“Why in the hell are you in Ireland?” For once Dole didn't

sound angry but truly exasperated.

“I needed to get away.”

“A trip to the shore would have been getting away Shan,

you jumped a plan and flew, god what? 4000 miles away?

That seems a bit much to me.”

“I needed this.” her heart trembled, she just wanted him to understand. He sighed loudly and she could almost see him

sitting back down on his piano bench.

“I hope you are smart enough to rid your life of him this

time.”

She didn't have to ask who he meant.

“I filed for divorce.”

“Good. Finally” she could feel his smile spreading, she

could almost see it.

“What did he do that finally hung him?”

“Same old trick, different day.” She said sadly.

“Well, he is a dog. It will work out.” He reassured her.

“Dole?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever been attracted to someone....... different?”

“Different how? Like a clown?”

“No, not like a clown.”

“I don't like their make up.”

She chuckled at him.

“I said not a clown.”

“Their noses always creeped me out.”

“Dole?”

“Yeah?”

“Never mind. Damn it, now I see Anna in my head in

clown make up.”

“Is she hot?”

“Ew! Dole!” She threw her head back and laughed.

“I bet Anna would be a hot clown.”

Shannon barked with laugher, happy she had called him.

“How's Brennon?” she asked, wishing she could see him.

“He's great. He doesn't like clowns either though.”

“Oh my God, Dole!”

“What?”

“Enough with the clowns! That isn't even what I meant.”

“Then why did you bring them up?”

“I didn't, you did.”

“Nope Shan, I'm pretty sure you said that Anna would be a

pretty hot clown and I said that Brennon wouldn't like that.

That's what started all this.”

She shook her head and laughed.

“You'll never change.”

“Some things do change.” he said softly, his voice teasing.

“Oh, like what?”

“Like someone older brother finally writing a song that

people want to hear.”

“Oh yeah, what kind of people?”

“The record producer kind.” he smiled into the phone.

“You got a deal?!” she stood up now and paced the room

excitedly.

“A killer one at that.” In New York he paced to the window

and looked out over the city. 4000 miles away in Ireland,

she stood facing out a window, standing exactly the same

way he did, staring out over the hills. His eyes caressed the buildings around him as hers skimmed over trees and an

ocean of green grass as far as the eye could see.

“I'm so proud of you.” she said softly, smiled.

“It was a long time coming.”

“You deserve it.” she said affectionately and made him

smile.

“I'm glad you called Shannon.”

“Me too.”

“I have to get back to work. Brennon is teething and Anna

is pregnant again so things here are crazy. Plus I'm

recording a real cd now now.”

“Wow, another baby?”

“Yeah. What can I say? She can't keep her hands off me.”

Shannon laughed in answer.

“I miss you Dole.”

“Cause I'm awesome. Come home soon Shan”

“I'll try. This place is so wonderful.”

“Too bad. New York is suffering without you.”

“I love you.”

“You too Brat. Stay safe.”

With that she closed her phone and sat back down. For

several long moments her heart ached in her chest. She

missed Dole and Anna so much. She checked the time and

went to shower. She had to get the hospital before much

longer.

Armed with a map and a list, fresh from the shower and

ready to go Shannon walked outside and started up the

truck. She wished for a long moment that she hadn't given

up smoking and checked her mirrors. She needed some art

supplies and checked her list twice to make sure everything was on it. Checking the time again, she noted that Ceara

would still be in surgery. So she drove the truck into town and picked up the items she needed before heading off to

release her and bring her home. She was certain the girl

behind the counter had been flirting with her and had

actually caressed her hand as she took her money. She

laughed softly to herself and shook her head. She had never been hit on so broadly by a woman before. Dismissing the

thought she climbed back in the truck and pondered the

map for a long moment. It was time to spring Ceara from

her prison.

*~*~*~*~*

Ceara's hand was hugely bandaged and the anesthesia had

left her less than pleasant and groggy. She had refused to

take her sleeping pill, refused to eat her lunch or to do

anything to cooperate with the nurses for the last three

days. All she talked about was going home and getting back

to work, which would be impossible since she wasn't

allowed to use her hand for another three weeks. Anger was

a color Ceara wore often and well and one, Shannon was

sure, had helped her when she was playing artist diva in

New York. It wasn't working so well for her here in Clare

County, Ireland however.

“I can drive damn it” she told Shannon and tried to take the keys from her. She seemed unusually agitated and Shannon

wondered what she had done to irritate her.

“The doctor said you were still medicated and that you

should still take it easy for several days.” Shannon

reminded her, wondering just how long she could hang on

to her temper.

“I need to work.” Ceara said mournfully and giving in to

being the passenger, let Shannon help her into the truck.

“You know you can't.” Shannon reminded her and climbed

into the drivers side.

“Maybe I can...” Ceara gave her a side long glance and the

first real try of a smile in days.

“How?” Shannon turned over the engine and backed out of

the parking spot. Catching the look on Ceara's face she

shook her head quickly.

“Oh no. Not doing it.” Shannon told her quickly and pulled

out onto the road.

“Why not? Can you give me one good reason?” Ceara

challenged.

“Sure. How about I don't know how? Or I'm not Ceara? Or

how about I don't want to.”

“You said yourself you've always wanted to learn how to

blow glass. I've already told you the basics and you've seen me go through the steps many times.” Ceara's eyes pleaded

with her. Shannon shook her head and tried to concentrate

on the road.

“Oh come on Shannon. Don't be such a bloody difficult

yank. Help me out.” Anger flashed in Ceara's eyes, hot and

fast. Shannon thought quietly of a dozen more reasons why

she shouldn't do it.

“What if they find out you didn't do them?” She glanced

sideways at her for a moment, pondered.

“Who is going to tell them? Besides I will be right there

telling you everything I want you to do. So in spirit, it is my work.” She smiled smugly.

“What if I am horrible at it?” Shannon turned off the main

road onto one of the many country roads they would use to

guide them the rest of the way home. She swore as the gray

sky slid further into darkness and the first fat rain drop

splashed against the wind shield.

“I've seen your glass work Shannon.” Ceara smiled for real

now. “You're a natural.”

“You really think so?” she asked cautiously.

“Yes. That one leaden glass with the Celtic tree of life is breath taking. I bet you could have your own show.”

“Still they are two completely different mediums.”

Shannon wondered out loud.

“How do you even know I would be good at it? My own

show...really?” She shot Ceara an unsure glance and pulled

off the side of the road when the rain got to much to see

through. They sat in silence for a moment, each pondering

there own thoughts.

“Both are glass. You understand how color works. The only

real difference is understanding the movements of the pipe

and that is easy enough to walk you through. I know in my

stomach, right down here in the pit, that you will be good at this. I don't doubt for a minute you could have your own

show.” Ceara smiled, glanced out the window over the

green of the farms around them. As far as the eyes could

see was fields of green dotted by cows,horses and a sheep

here and there.

“I'll think about it.” Shannon said as Ceara began to smile.

“None of that, I didn't say yes.”

“Look.” Ceara pointed out over the field.

“A rainbow.” she giggled like a young girl.

“I wish I was on your meds.” Shannon laughed and pulled

back out onto the road.

“You should.” Ceara smiled.

“There nice.”

Shannon remained lost in thought for most of the ride

home. Ceara napped silently, her head pressed up against

the window and a thin stream of drool trickled over her

chin. Shannon shook her head as she pulled into the

driveway and cut the engine. Bram Senior stepped from the

front of the house and immediately went to the passengers

side of the truck.

“Always did sleep like a baby on long trips.” he smiled as

he scooped her up.

“Big, drugged baby.” Shannon laughed and went ahead of

him to open the door.

“Help me take her stuff off, will ya lass?” Her father asked her as softly as his big voice could go. He carried her easily up the stairs and down the hall to her room. Together they

removed her hat and jacket, then each worked on taking

one of her shoes off. Once she was tucked in and they

walked back out into the hall Bram stopped and thanked

her.

“Not everyone comes to Ireland and plays nurse maid while

vacationing.” he smiled warmly at her as they started down

the hall.

“I don't know if it is much of a vacation anymore.”

Shannon spoke her thoughts out loud for the first time.

“I am thinking of relocating here permanently.” she told

him, shocked by the revelation herself. He nodded his head, understanding how the hills drug people into them and

never let them out again.

“You may want to discuss that with the young man waiting

for you in the drawing room.” He pointed down the hall.

“Young man?” She wondered if Osef was waiting for her,

searched her mind for any reason why he would. Bram

Senior shook his head and looked a bit weary. He knew

some of the reasons why the girl had come here and wasn't

entirely sure he felt right about her guest.

“He says he is your husband.” he looked apologetically

down at her as her complexion went slightly gray. She

looked down the hall past Bram and wondered why he

would come here. She swallowed hard and tried to figure

out what to do. Shaking her head finally she gave in to the inevitable and made her way down the hall to the front

room.

He stood with his back to her, his normal leather jacket had been replaced by a corduroy blazer. His hair, the hair that had stood in a Mohawk since the day she had met him, was

cut in a short, flattering style that suited his face. She saw at once, that besides his hair and clothes being different, he didn't have a single piercing when he turned around. Every

single one of his tattoo's was covered. Every single thing

she had known to be true about him, was in this instant,

changed. His pants had careful pleats, his shoes were

shined, though it was raining outside. His shirt was that of a business man, not a punk rocker from the dirtiest part of New York. His nails were clean and his mouth was smiling,

though his eyes were not.

“Why Ireland?” he asked, doing his best to sound friendly

and loving.

“Why not?” she threw back and headed for the liquor

cabinet against the far wall next to the blazing fire place.

She poured herself three generous fingers of whiskey into a tumbler and raised the glass to her lips. It burned all the way down but did nothing to silence the storm inside her.

She turned on him with veiled eyes, refusing to show him

anything she felt.

“Why my Visa card?” he tried a different tact and sat down

on the sofa, crossing his legs. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. This wasn't the Trent she had left. This was the Trent she would have never paid any mind to to begin with!

“Why my brothers fiance?” she watched his eyes flicker

and licked his lips.

“I've talked to Dole and I know you know that isn't true.”

he stood now, walking to her and taking her glass from her

hand, he sipped and tried to hand it back to her.

“Keep it.” She snarled and went to help herself to another.

“Why are you here?” He demanded quietly.

“Why are you?” she spun on him.

“You didn't give a damn about me when you had me. I

wasted all this time on you, thinking maybe, just maybe I

would finally have a chance at being worth a damn to you.

But that wasn't true. Not with Mindy, Cindy and every

other whore you could find. Why Trent, why are you here?”

she spat at him and took a seat on the far side of the room.

“My wife is here.” she scoffed at him.

“Try again.” she smirked.

“I'm not signing those papers Shannon.” he said quietly and sat down across from her, lifted his glass to his lips,

swallowed.

“I don't love you anymore Trent.” the words held a quiet

truth he could not deny.

“I'm still not signing them.” his reasons were purely selfish and he knew it.

“Why?” she shook her head, saddened by the fact that she

knew before he answered.

“Because I own you and I always will. You were nothing

when I found you, I made you something. You will not

walk away from me, you will not walk away from our life.”

his eyes flashed, though he kept his voice even and his eyes on hers.

“I don't want what you've 'made' me.” she set her glass

down on the coffee table and stood up, pacing to the

fireplace and back.

“So the clothes, the new look...all part of your plan to

convince everyone that I am a selfish, horrible bitch that

you got saddled with.” when he didn't answer, she nodded

her head slowly and put her hands on her hips.

“I'm not married to you anymore, not in my heart.” she

tapped her chest and watched his eyes grow cold and steely.

He was on his feet and across the room in seconds. He had

her wrists in his hands and he squeezed them so hard she

yelped as she dropped to her knees.

“You will learn to love me then.” he said quietly. “If I have to beat it into you.” as he finished the last of his words, Shannon yelped again at the sound of shattering glass. As

Trent toppled over, face down in the rug Ceara wavered

slightly and looked like she was going to fall. Shannon was on her feet, gathering her close and helping her to the

couch.

“Call the police.” Ceara said softly and looked at Shannon's wrists, they were already starting to bruise. Shannon

nodded her head and went to the phone. She dialed the

emergency number and reported what had happened. She

hung up and went back in the living room to find Bram

senior sitting beside his daughter with a shot gun in his lap.

When Trent began to stir, Bram raised the gun and stuck it

against the back of his head.

“See here.” he said gently.

“You ever lay a hand on another of my girls and they will

find bits and pieces of you scattered through out my land.”

he cocked the gun loudly and thunked Trent in the back of

the head with it again. It was only moments later when the

police came in and cuffed Trent, pulling him to his feet and exposing a wet spot from where he had apparently peed

himself in fear.

“This isn't over” he told Shannon. She leaned in real close and whispered

“Oh but you see, it is. If you come near me again I'll kill you.” as the officers led him from the room he sputtered

and shouted about her threat. The officer that accidentally whacked his head while putting him in the car, shook his

head and frowned.

“I heard no threat at all sir.” he assured him and closed the door on his ignorant rant.

“We will inform the lawyer of these happenings.” the

younger officer of the two assured her.

“On the grounds of his threats and of course, his violating your privacy by flying thousands of miles to make them,

the judge will be certain to grant you your divorce.” Officer Riley smiled at her and climbed into the front of the small squad car.

“What will happen now?” She asked officer Mick as he

told her he wanted to be called.

“He will be put in a drunk tank, sobered up and sent back to the bowels of hell. Or New York. Which ever has the first

available flight.” he smiled and nodded at Bram.

“Will I see you at poker tomorrow night?” Bram asked

warmly.

“Aye and you better bring bigger pockets this time. Last

time you could barely fit all your winnings in them!” he

called as he started the car. With a wave they were gone

and Shannon was left alone with Bram senior.

“I am so sorry” she began but he waved her off.

“What I'd like to know lass, is how a wonderful girl like

you ends up with a wee pecker head like that?” he asked

and put and arm around her, leading her back inside. She

shook her head in answer.

“I thought I was a stray dog and he was willing to care for me.” was all she had to offer.

“You are far finer than any stray.” he smiled at her and bid her good night. She turned back into the drawing room, as

they called it and found Ceara still sitting on the couch,

struggling to stay awake.

“You alright?” she asked, her voice rough with the edges of sleep.

“I will be.” she nodded.

“Perhaps I should try to find some place else to stay.” her stomach clenched with the thought of leaving but she

couldn't have her problems land on their door step again.

“None of that now. Just because that lad has a bug up his

ass about losing a great woman like you, doesn't mean you

need to pack up and move on.” Ceara slid lower into the

couch, resting her head against the back cushion. Shannon

paced to the fire place, turning around she came to a stop

when she realized whatever she had been about to say

would have to wait. She walked to the couch and picked up

the old wool throw blanket that hung over the back and

gently tucked her in with it. Walking back to the fire place she bent and pulled the screen open carefully putting in

another log and closed the screen once again. She stood up, stretching her back and watched Ceara sleep for a long

moment. On a sigh she decided she needed some air.

Once outside the night air greeted her harshly. She had

thought she knew what cold was back in New York. Now

she wondered how all these wonderful people kept from

freezing to death. She shivered and pulled her coat tighter around her. For the first time in her life she figured out that it really could be too cold to snow. She tucked the flashlight she had grabbed into her pocket and headed off back over

the field. She walked slowly along the old slate wall that

marked the property. She wondered who had laid the first

stone, marking out this property with pride as he moved.

She could very easily see Bram senior and his boys

working side by side in the hot summer sun. Had Bram's

Rose stood by and watched them? Had she been thick with

her next child? She had never believed in Prince Charming,

true romance, the loss of ones heart and senses. She had

loved Trent...at one time. It had faded and she had

questioned her heart and mind until she realized that it had been his own doing. He had caused her to withdraw by

treating her so unkindly. His lying, cheating, drinking,

gambling...and so many other flaws had become too much

and she had wanted to flee. Yet she couldn't. Pride had kept her in place for so much longer, so much more misery. She

questioned her own values now. After the scene he had

caused tonight she was unsure what she had ever seen in

him. Maybe she, for one brief and awesomely flawed

moment, had believed in Prince Charming. He had

reminded her constantly what he had saved her from. He

had been her savior in his own words and she had begun to

resent it. Her parents had been strong in their values,

stronger in their belief of right and wrong. They had

instilled in her so many important things and a few not so

good things. When she had first moved to New York she

would flinch every time a black or hispanic person walked

past her. Afraid they would rob her, slice her throat...kill her for looking at them. That was due to her parents. She had

purposely made new friends, all of which were multi

cultural and she had learned to love every single one of

them. She dispelled her parents insecurities one at a time

until she was free of their constraints. Her first true friend in the city had been Ebony Young. Ebony had been black as

night and as beautiful as midnight. She had also been the

strongest woman Shannon had ever had the pleasure of

knowing. She looked around herself now at the moonlight

soaked fields and wondered how in the hell she had gotten

from the cold streets of New York to the greenest fields she had ever seen. Ireland...she had never wondered, never

wanted to travel here. Yet standing here now in this field

she saw that she should have wondered, should have

wanted. What was it she wanted? She was free of Trent,

that was certain after tonights events. She knew she still

had to deal with Osef and his affections but that wasn't who are what she wanted either. She stopped walking and sat

down on top of the old wall she had been following and

stared up into the moon for a long moment.

“Where the hell is my life going now?” she said out loud to herself.

“And what the hell is wrong with me?” she shook her head

and sat staring out over the fields for a long time. Her ass was frozen, she couldn't feel her toes but she was so lost in thought she wasn't aware she was uncomfortable. She said

good bye to her old life and slowly twisted off her wedding band and engagement ring. She shoved them into her front

pants pocket and started back towards the house. She

paused when she looked over her shoulder and moon light

struck glass in a clearing just off the side of the field.

Curiosity made her wonder but the day had been long, the

night longer and she just wanted to find her bed and the

sweet bliss of sleep. She walked back slowly, taking in

every detail of the fields at night. Wondering about the

family that worked these fields. She knew now that it was

cold they did most of their work in the barns and only ran

the animals outside for a short time before putting them

back into the heated barn. What did they spent the rest of

the day doing? She often saw Bram junior slip off with

Aggie in the late early morning. The memory of how they

looked at each other made her smile. She had never

experienced love like theirs and was so happy for them.

They were very lucky. She turned the final corner back to

the house and found Nessa sitting on the old porch swing

rocking quietly in the dark.

“Little late for a walk.” She said softly and smiled.

“I know but I couldn't sleep.” Shannon walked up the porch

steps slowly and dropped down onto the swing next to her.

“Ceara woke up in a little bit of pain. I tended her hand and helped her back to bed. She asked about you.” Nessa held

the shawl she wore tightly around her shoulders. Shannon

smiled.

“She says you are going to help her with pieces, I wish you luck.” Nessa smiled and stood up, heading back inside.

“Luck?” Shannon stood and followed her.

“Aye, my sister is a tough one to work with. I tried to learn the art of glass blowing once. I am sure she scarred me for life.” Nessa laughed while she closed and locked the door.

“That bad?” Shannon asked and was granted the gift of

Nessa's laughter. She didn't answer, simply said good night and disappeared back to her own room. Shannon hung up

her coat and kicked off her boots before wearily climbing

the stairs. She smiled to herself when she opened her

bedroom door and found the fire blazing once again, more

cookies and another flannel night gown. This place was

everything her soul had ever needed to heal. Without

another thought she snacked on a cookie, pulled on the

night gown and fell blissfully into bed. Happy beyond

words this day was over.

She slept through breakfast and doubted the O'Neills had

missed her. She opened her eyes slowly and glanced at the

clock with a sigh. She really had to get a job if she was

going to stay here. She had a couple thousand she had

managed to save up but beyond that she was broke. She

owned nothing, needed everything and had no idea where

she was going anymore. Was she going to settle here?

Travel more? How? You have no money she told herself

silently and laid very still, suddenly not wanting to ever get out of bed. She half wanted to swear and hide her head

under the blankets when the knock sounded on the door.

She wanted to chant go away and never face another person

but the knocking grew more persistent and she gave up

finally on a long sigh. The door opened slowly before she

had a chance to answer and Ceara come in quietly, closing

it behind her.

“You always sneak into your guests rooms?” Shannon

asked with her head still hidden under the blanket.

“Only those who have to help me make 28 pieces of art.”

she opened Shannon's closet and looked through her

clothing.

“None of this will work.” she said and spun back to

Shannon with a quizzical look on her face.

“You flew to Ireland with three pairs of pants and four

shirts?” Shannon rolled her eyes and stretched.

“Four pairs of pants, five shirts and enough underwear for a small army.” she tried to smile.

“Look I wasn't planning on moving to a new country. I

thought I was leaving for a few days to cool off. Then I got here and realized I never wanted to go back. How do

people leave here?” she demanded and tossed back the

blankets.

“I've no idea.” Ceara answered and sighed. “Guess you can

use my work clothes since I will just be watching.” her eyes told Shannon exactly what she thought of that idea.

“How have you no idea, you went to New York.” Shannon

countered and opened the closet herself to study her

clothing.

“I've always come back. When I am there I dream of being

here walking through the fields or having a pint in the pub.”

Ceara averted her eyes as Shannon pulled the nightgown

over her head and tossed it on the bed. She wore nothing

beneath it.

“Have you never seen breasts before?” Shannon laughed

and pulled a bra from the dresser.

“Oh I've seen breasts.” Ceara brought her eyes back to

Shannon's. Something about the way she said it made

Shannon swallow. Ceara watched her pick out her

underwear and wished she had kept her eyes on the

window. She knew for certain she must be sweating visibly.

“You alright?” Shannon stood there, underwear in hand, bra

not yet closed and Ceara felt the air drain from her lungs.

She nodded her head but was unconvincing. Shannon

followed her gaze blushed slightly.

“I saw the magazines Ceara.” she told her softly, drawing

her eyes back to her face.

“Magazines?” Ceara cleared her throat and tried to keep her eyes on Shannon's face.

“Oh Yes” Shannon laughed. “You and that model in New

York were quiet friendly. Ceara's eyes clouded.

“We weren't friendly. We were...hot.” Ceara smiled slyly.

“She was the only one who knew my secret, that is until

that magazine caught us together.” she sighed, staring hard out the window.

“My Da saw that magazine and he was very unhappy about

it. Not that there is no one else like me here. There are

plenty. In America they are everywhere.” she stopped, her

eyes never leaving her fields.

“Who is everywhere?” Shannon was confused, she pulled

her jeans on now and zipped them much to Ceara's relief.

She swallowed hard and avoided Ceara's eyes. She was on

the brink of admitting something she had never told anyone

and she couldn't seem to form the words.

“Ceara?” Shannon said softly and pulled on a lead pocked

shirt she had been using to stain her glass in. Ceara's eyes came up slowly, she swallowed hard again.

“Lesbians, they were everywhere.” Her voice was rough,

scared by the fear she felt. Shannon sank down on the edge

of the bed and looked deeply into her eyes.

“Are you?” she said softly, everything inside her going still.

Ceara didn't meet her eyes. Instead she stood and walked

back towards the door.

“We should get to work.” she didn't turn around, couldn't

face her.

“I won't judge you, I would never.” Shannon stood and

walked towards her. Ceara turned now, facing her with

troubled eyes and an unsteady stomach. She didn't say

anything, just stood watching her.

“You won't?” she asked softly, wishing there was a greater

distance between them and suddenly feeling like three

thousand miles wouldn't be enough room for her to find her

breath.

“No, never” Shannon smiled at her, took her hand and lead

her back to the chair.

“You can talk to me.” she assured her and smiled again.

She knew she could trust her, wanted to but everything

inside her fought the need to shed her greatest secret.

“In a few minutes I will be working with glass as hot as

molten lava. I've seen what it can do to the skin.” Shannon laughed and eyed her bandaged hand.

“You can trust me” she said again. Ceara let out a staggered breath and closed her eyes for a long moment.

“Since I was a girl” She began

“I have felt very different. I never liked boys, ever. I'd see little Jack Fitzsimon looking at Janey Paul and I'd be so

jealous but it was alright for him to look at her. Janey

would always notice Jack but never did she notice me.”

Ceara blew out a heavy breath, bringing her eyes to

Shannon's now, holding her gaze as she began again.

“I wanted Janey most of my young life. When I found

womanhood I found questions. My Mum, she would

listen.” she smiled sadly.

“She understood me. She loved me. My Da saw the

pictures of that model, Janey Paul” she smiled widely now.

“and he hit the ceiling.” her eyes went cold, sad.

“You and Janey?” Shannon smiled.

“Good for you!”

“Bad for me.” Ceara said so sadly it made Shannon's own

heart ache.

“As I was just a stop on her path through life. She didn't

want me, she didn't love me.” she looked back out the

window.

“I loved her my whole life and she couldn't even love me

for five minutes. I had never felt such a fool.” She ached just remembering it.

“Is that why you are shipping the pieces to the museum?

Are you avoiding going back?” Shannon felt her pain,

understood it and hated it for her. When Ceara refused to

meet her eyes her heart broke for her a little more.

“Ceara, avoiding New York and all the Janey's of the world

won't save you. Eventually you will fall in love again, life is like that.” she took her hand and smiled at her, squeezing gently as she stood.

“My Da made me promise I would never again bring such

shame upon our family.” she shook her head, avoiding her

gaze again.

“It is not a shame to be who you are Ceara. Speak the

words for me” she squeezed the hand that she still held,

gently again.

“Oh, well I've never said...” Ceara broke off, finally

meeting Shannon's eyes as the idea sprouted wings inside

her chest.

“Shannon.” She whispered, holding tightly to her hand as if it were a life line. Shannon nodded and squeezed back as if to say come now, you can do it.

“I'm thinking I'm a lesbian.” Ceara blew out a long breath, one she hadn't realized she had been holding her whole life.

Shannon clapped her hands and smiled.

“I'm so proud of you.” she announced and pulled her to her

feet.

“How did you know?” Ceara asked her again, forgetting

what she had told her.

“Mostly the magazine cover with you kissing Janey but

other than that you had a doctor flirting with you at the

hospital and you paid him no mind. Plus you stared at my

bush for like...well...a long time” she laughed. Ceara

blushed and shook her head.

“I'm sorry Shannon. It's just that I never saw another

woman's before. Not outside a computer or dirty

magazine.” Shannon looked at her shocked.

“You have got to be kidding me!” she exclaimed and saw

the horror in Ceara's eyes.

“Oh.” was all she said when she realized she was serious.

“Never?”

“No, never.” Ceara shook her head.

“Then how do you know?” Shannon sat down on the edge

of the bed again.

“I just know.”

“But how?” Shannon asked, waiting her intently.

“Seeing a woman naked...does things to me.” she said

sheepishly.

“And a guys body doesn't do the same for you?” she

wondered what that would be like.

“Not at all. Quite the opposite actually. I can handle nipples on a woman but on a man they freak me out.” Shannon

laughed at her, stopping when she realized she was serious.

“Really? Nipples?” she shook her head, trying to stall the

laughter in her throat.

“Have you ever seen a man's?” Shannon gestured at her

pubic area. Ceara sighed heavily and nodded.

“Unfortunately when I was still denying myself who I was,

I made that mistake. It was a disaster.” she shook off the

memory like a bad dream.

“I'm so sorry.” Shannon said and smiled at her.

“But I really am proud of you.” she got up and walked to

her, pulling her to her feet.

“Thank you.” Ceara said softly and meant it. She never

knew how much she needed to hear that.

“We should work...” she said and walked to the door,

looking at Shannon over her shoulder.

“I'll meet you in the work room.” She said and let herself

out of the room. Shannon sat down on the edge of the bed

for a long moment and stared at the closed door. She

couldn't imagine living in the dark.

When she got down to the furnace room Ceara already had

the furnace lit, though how she did it with one hand in a

bandage she was unsure. The music was on, but lower than

usual and Ceara was no where to be seen. Shannon walked

to the back door and looked out over the field, wondering

where she made off to. Then she spotted her coming around

the side of the house wearing a heavy jacket and talking to herself. When she held up a second jacket and motioned to

her, she opened the door and stepped outside.

“The furnace has been off over night, it will take some time to heat up.” she tossed Shannon the second jacket and

waited for her to pull it on.

“Feel like walking?” she asked her at last and waited till

she finished zipping the coat.

“Sure, where to?” Ceara looked around to make sure no

one was around and checked the time on her watch.

“Come.” was all she said and with her long legs, she easily stepped over the low slate wall that Shannon had walked

along the night before. Shannon stepped over it behind her

and hurried to catch up to her as she took long strides

across the field. When they reached the trees Ceara looked

over her shoulder to be sure no one saw them go in and

took Shannon's hand. They began to walk faster, all the

while Ceara held onto her until they came to a clearing with the foundation of a house in it. She nodded her head and

smiled with pride.

“Is this yours?” Shannon asked and walked around the

good sized foundation slowly.

“No” Ceara laughed and tried to catch her breath.

“Tis my gift to Bram junior and Ms. Aggie.” she laughed

excitedly.

“This is one hell of a gift.” Shannon studied the layout for a moment.

“How big will this house be?” she tried to calculate it in her head but Ceara was faster.

“Two stories, up and down, plus the basement if he wants

it...” she paused. “2300 hundred square feet I think my Da

said it would be. Him and my other two brothers have done

this all themselves with the help of some of the neighbors.”

She nodded her head excitedly as Shannon watched her for

a long moment.

“Wish you were my sister.” She said at last and stared back at the foundation. She could almost see the house spring

forth from the ground and take its rightful place on the

foundation.

“When will you give it to him?” she asked finally and

walked back to stand beside her.

“Well, it is getting cold out now.” Ceara thought a long

moment.

“They are to be married in the summer. I would like to have it done and ready by then. Da and Keelan have promised

me it will be so. Deven on the other hand is going back to

the university soon. That will slow it down some. Da built

our house mostly alone though, some help from the

neighbors but most of it he did alone.” Ceara's eyes danced with excitement.

“Wow. I think he will love it. They will” Shannon smiled at her and cocked her head to the side.

“You hear someone?” Ceara nodded and looked back over

her shoulder. Bram Senior, Keelan and Deven stepped out

of the woods behind them and smiled.

“You scared us.” Keelan laughed and started to pull on his

tool belt.

“I could say the same for you.” Ceara nodded and smiled,

all of them eyed Shannon. Bram nodded at her and tied on

his own tool belt.

“Starting the first wall today.” he told them and smiled

widely.

“This is quite the gift my girl is giving.” he nodded to

Ceara and hung his jacket on a low branch, taking the time

to roll up his shirt sleeves.

“Little Bram has been stressing about where they would

live after the wedding. He has taken on evening hours at the local grocery in hopes of saving enough money to be able

to afford their life together.”Ceara explained. Shannon

nodded her head understanding now why the younger

Bram was never around.

“They are a little young to marry, aren't they?” Shannon

asked and had all 4 pairs of eyes brought to her face at

once.

“Some would think. Maybe for a yank but here in

Ireland...things are a little different. Aggie promised herself to Bram when they were in diapers still.” his father smiled at the memory. He looked over all their heads then and

smiled.

“Right on time this mick always is.” he watched as the

truck made its way up the narrow make shift road they had

cleared next to the house. From the back of the truck six

other men waved at them, two more road in the front.

“They have the wood.” he told Ceara and smiled. “Exactly

the kind you wanted. It cost more.” he told her and she

nodded her head. “but it will be worth it, the frame will stay straighter, is better suited for our seasons.” he smiled down at his daughter and hugged her close. Ceara turned back to

Shannon.

“We had best get back before we get talked into helping.”

Shannon nodded and tossed a wave over her shoulder as

noise erupted in the clearing as all the men greeted each

other and began unloading the truck. Shannon paused as

Osef waved at her and with his hat in his hands, made his

way over to her.

“Osef.” She smiled warmly at him. He flushed slightly,

something she didn't notice but Ceara did.

“Good day to you Shannon.” He dipped his head and

smiled. He cleared his throat and looked past her at Ceara

who he smiled at and then looked back at Shannon.

“I was wondering.” he began and Shannon's heart sank. “If

you would like to get a pint with me in town tonight.

Nothing formal” he assured her and smiled so brightly she

had to swallow twice to find her voice.

“I, um. Sure.” she said helplessly looking back at Ceara

who shrugged at her. She stood helplessly as he smiled at

her and could have kissed Bram senior for calling him

away.

“Sounds like a hot date.” Ceara laughed and hooked her

arm through Shannon's. Shannon blew out a long breath

and shook her head.

“You could have saved me there.” She squinted at Ceara

playfully.

“I could have but Osef is a nice boy and you should get out more.” Ceara clucked at her as they continued across the

field.

“I don't need to be dating now. I have a lot of stuff I'm

dealing with.” Shannon frowned as they came to a stop

outside Ceara's work room.

“Are any of those things alcoholics anonymous?”

“What?!” Shannon demanded and shook her head. “Of

course not!” she sputtered.

“Then it will not kill you to get a pint with the lad.” she pulled the door open and stepped inside. While she checked

the temperatures Shannon hung up her jacket and eyed the

setup nervously.

“What if I screw up?” she worried her bottom lip and

watched Ceara raise an eyebrow in her direction.

“There is no messing up in art. Things you didn't plan on

happening usually make things better. Like accidental

surprises.”

“Sounds like pregnancy and not everyone is happy to

discover that.”

Ceara laughed at her comment and handed her her pipe.

“You make a child sound like a tumor”

“Sometimes they are.” Shannon lifted the pipe as Ceara

instructed and dipped it in the molten glass. Ceara shook

her head at her last comment.

“Children are gifts that everyone should experience at least one time. Roll it” she moved around her giving her room to

maneuver. Shannon blew into the pipe, rolling it as Ceara

barked out instructions. For thirty four minutes the

conversation halted and they worked with intense

concentration.

“Hit it.” Ceara ordered “Now, break it off.” Shannon

smacked the glass with the punty and watched it fall off

onto the bench. Ceara handed her a large tweezer like tool

and instructed her to pull at the glass before it cooled,

shaping it into what it was meant to become she had said to her. Shannon did as she was instructed and quickly fell into an easy pace beside her. She picked the piece up and

shoved it into the glory hole to reheat it. Pulling it back out she continued to shape the piece quickly as Ceara watched

in awe. The girl had some natural talent, no one was going

to know she hadn't done this order with her own two hands.

She blew out a heavy sigh as Shannon shoved the 1st of the

28 pieces into the Annaaler to cool. Shannon rolled her

shoulders and pulled off her over shirt. She stood in a tank top much like the one Ceara had worked in and understood

finally why she normally wore shorts as well. Ceara pulled

two bottles of water out of the small refrigerator and

handed one to her.

“You did very well” she told her and sat down on the stool

across the work table from her.

“You sound surprised.” Shannon lifted and eye brow and

sipped the water thankfully.

“Not everyone has natural talent.” Ceara shrugged and

watched Shannon roll the pipe between her hands.

Watching her, she understood the need that would be raging

inside her chest. That need to create and create well. She

had burned with it for months until her mother had finally

let her have free reign over her own works. She had opened

her wings and soared with each piece she had created. That

was so long ago now and still the feeling remained the

same with each piece and the hunger never really subsided.

Shannon rolled her neck and hefted the pipe. Ceara smiled

now and let her test herself as she silently watched her dip the pipe, then she began to work it alone. Ceara spoke not a word as she rolled the glass, blew into the pipe and worked it into something so truly beautiful it left her speechless.

Then she went back, re dipping the same glass back into the molten glass and forming a second layer over it. She

worked it quickly, her skin dripping with sweat as she

twisted the two pieces around each other, then worked them

into one. It was as if she had taken on Ceara's own spirit, then she wondered if it was possible for this woman to

chAnnal her mother. She smiled at the thought. She missed

her Mum quite a bit still and rubbed her hand absently

under her heart as she watched Shannon warm both pieces

again, then worked them, pulling them in opposite

directions yet it made them fit together so much better. She saw in the glass the image Shannon was going for and at

last when she banged the pipe against the table and it broke away Ceara saw her own passion come through. Shannon

stood looking down at her first piece and her eyes grew as

big as plates.

“That is amazing.” Ceara said softly, watching Shannon's

face as she studied the twisted glass in awe. Shannon

smiled slowly and brought her eyes to Ceara's.

“I went into a daze...forgot you were here.” She absently

reached up and stroked her hair.

“It does that to ya.” Ceara nodded and smiled.

“How are you feeling?” She watched as she gently picked

up the piece and put it into the Annaaler to cool next to the first one. Shannon shook her head and walked back to the

pipe but Ceara stood up and took it from her gently.

“You can't do more than two today.” she saw the annoyance

creep into her eyes and was happy for it.

“Why not?” Shannon asked, refusing to pout but wanting

to.

“You are not used to this work. Your shoulders are going to hurt terrible if you do anymore.” Ceara rested the pipe

against the wall and fired down the furnace.

“I was having a good time.” Shannon whined slightly and

Ceara smiled, she wanted her hungry for it. That was the

only way they were going to make it through the next 26

pieces together. Shannon walked over and hugged her.

Taken off guard Ceara stood for a moment, not hugging her

back but trying to figure out what to do. Shannon let her go abruptly and walked out of the room whistling happily.

Ceara stood watching her go and wondering how the hell

she was going to avoid that happening again.

She dressed though she didn't want to go and she frowned

at herself in the mirror. If she was going to spend anymore time in Ireland she was going to have to go shopping. She

held her earrings up to her ears and sighed. She really didn't want to hurt Osef, he was a very sweet boy. She chose the

simpler of the two pairs and fastened them in her ears while glancing at the clock. She didn't want to date, wasn't going to. She was going to have to tell him she didn't want this

and put a stop to it at once before he got hurt. She

smoothed her hair with her hands and glanced at the clock

again when the doorbell rang downstairs. Moments later

she heard Nessa running up the stairs and heard the tap on

the door.

“Osef is here.” She said through the closed door and ran

back downstairs. Shannon smiled nervously at herself in

the mirror. She had never broken anyones heart before. She

made her way downstairs and smiled warmly at Osef as he

stood clutching tiny little yellow flowers in his giant hands.

It should have looked silly but it didn't. Big Bram sat in the corner of the room near the fireplace reading the nightly

news and sipping from a cup of warm brandy. He smiled at

her as she came into the room and she smiled back whole

heartedly. Most of the family was in the room. Keelan and

Dealla played chess in front of the fire, each concentrating on the board so intently Shannon was surprised she couldn't hear their thoughts. Nessa snuggled into a blanket reading a book and Deven sat the writing desk in the corner

assembling what looked like some type of plane. Bram

junior was at work at the grocery and Ceara was...where is

Ceara? She wondered. Osef held his hat in both his hands,

he had pulled it off the moment she had accepted the

flowers from her. He smiled brightly and her stomach

dropped painfully, this was going to be harder than she

thought. Shannon cleared her throat and allowed him to

help her into her jacket. She had to get this over with.

Together they waved at the family and made their way

outside. From the upstairs window Ceara watched as he

helped her into the truck, smiled sadly at the happy way he ran around the outside of it before climbing it beside her.

She wondered if she would ever again feel the excitement

of love. She shook off the feeling, sipping on her own

warm brandy. She was a fool she told herself and turned

back towards her fire. She had gone and developed feelings

for a woman she could never have, could one be more

foolish than this? She sat down, alone in the dark with a

plan of drinking herself to sleep.

The pub was packed, it seemed the whole of the town was

there. She smiled at the woman she knew worked for Bram

sometimes at night. He had worked all day on the house in

the woods and had given in to a night off. Her name was

Sally and she served up an excellent pint Osef assured her.

The first thing Shannon noticed when she sat down with

Osef was that his eyes tended to wander to Sally and rest

there for a moment or two whenever he thought no one was

watching. She wondered just how long he had felt that way

towards her and sighed a sigh of relief. Maybe this wasn't

going to be so bad after all. Sally brought them two pints as someone launched the crowd into a fast stepping song.

Shannon watched as men and women a like rose and joined

into the dance. The pub may have been smaller than most

of the bars in New York but it certainly had a lot more

character. When Osef reached out and touched her hand she

knew she had to talk to him.

“Osef.” she said so sadly he moved his hand away afraid he

had offended her some how.

“Shannon?” he watched her intently for a moment before

smiling at her and sipping his pint.

“I'm getting divorced.” she started slowly he nodded his

head and smiled again.

“I know lass, you told me all that on the way back from the cliffs...remember?” his eyes were gentle when they met

hers and she felt the clinch in her stomach. He thought he

loved her but he didn't even know her. Something inside

her wept for him.

“Osef you are a very sweet man.” she began again and saw

the smile die on his lips. His eyes went very slowly sad and the hand that had been gently caressing hers, stopped. He

nodded his head slowly and she wanted to lie down beneath

he feet of the dancers and be stomped to death, she felt

horrible.

“But you don't want me. Do you now?” he said it softly,

patted her hand gently and looked away.

“I'm so sorry.” She said sadly and he knew she meant it but he hurt.

“The bitch of it is Shannon that I am always the guy

women want to want but never the guy they do.” he stood,

pulling his jacket back on and looked down at her sadly.

“Osef...” she said after him but he didn't look back, just

walked away with his broken heart in his eyes. She sat in

the booth and finished her pint, then drank his as well. Her head was swimming slightly but she ordered another and

decided she'd rather be drunk than depressed. She had lost

count of her pints when she looked up and found Ceara

standing over her.

“I see you are having some sort of lone party.” she said and slid into the booth across from her.

“Is better this way.” Shannon slurred slightly and raised her hand for another drink.

“Aggie called me. Said Osef left you here, wouldn't talk

about what happened.” she paused. “What happened?”

Ceara asked gently, raising an eye brow at Sally when set

the pint in front of Shannon.

“One more for me please Sally and perhaps some black

coffee for my friend here.” Sally nodded and walked away.

Ceara watched Shannon gulp down first few sips before her

eyes came back to her own.

“The bitch of it is Ceara.” she said in the same sad tone

Osef had used. “Is Osef is the type of man women always

want to want but never the on they do.” Shannon sipped

more of her drink greedily and wished she didn't feel so

horrible for hurting him. She wondered silently how many

pints she would have to drink to erase the pain she had seen in his face. Ceara nodded slowly, thanking Sally, she sipped her own pint and nudged the coffee towards Shannon.

“Osef had a long time girlfriend.” Ceara began. “He loved

that girl more than life.” She nodded and sipped, letting the story form in her mind.

“He asked her to marry him and all was going so well. Osef

is a sheep herder and a great one at that but he can't

compete with fancy things or fancy people. Not that he

would ever want to. When this man Jonathan Keiths came

into town to paint he asked Osef's girlfriend to pose for

him.” she slid a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and lit one, letting the smoke curl around her head before

continuing.

“She'd go over there every day posing for this man from

France who had money, power, fame and fortune at his

disposal. Osef never tried to stop her, he knew how much

art meant to her as she was a painter herself. The things she created were enchanting to him. He never thought she

would leave him.” She sipped again, puffing on her

cigarette and wished again she could give the damn things

up. She only smoked when she drank but even that was too

much.

“One day goes to pick her up, knocks on her front door and

her Da answers, tells him she isn't there so he leaves and

goes to the guys studio. The door isn't locked and he walks in, finds her riding him on the floor of the studio, real porno like.” she crushed out the cigarette and held her hand up for another pint.

“He is crushed and never says a word, just backs up quietly and leaves. Late she comes to him, tells him she is in love with this guy. Osef nods, accepts it and watches her walk

away. No one had ever seen him so broken. He hasn't even

looked at another girl since then...so you can understand

why he is taking this kind of hard.” Shannon nodded at

Ceara and took her cigarettes, drawing one from the pack

she lighted it and inhaled deeply. Blowing out smoke

slowly she brought her eyes back to Ceara's.

“Well I feel even shittier now.” she said softly and closed her eyes for a moment. She opened them quickly when the

pub spun around on her and she almost lost her dinner.

“You shouldn't. Osef is in control of his own heart. Point is maybe he has bad taste.” Ceara handed Sally some bills and

pushed the coffee closer still towards Shannon. She took

the hint and lifted the black liquid to her lips, sipping

slowly.

“You saying he shouldn't want me?” Shannon met her eyes,

her stomach churning.

“Maybe I'm saying he should chose more wisely.”

Shannon's eyes darkened at her angrily.

“Maybe I'm worthy of his affection just unwanting of it.”

“Shannon. I never said you were a poor choice. All I meant

was you are badly bruised, you have no idea what you want

now and you should really take some time to figure you

out. Trent wasn't good to you, he should have been but

maybe he wasn't man enough.” She shook her head, stood

up.

“I'll take you home.” she reached out to Shannon and

helped her to her feet. She was quiet all the way to the

small car she had driven down to the pub in and let Ceara

help her into the car.

“I don't think anyone is man enough.” Shannon finally said

as they pulled away from the pub. She stared hard out the

window, lost in her own thoughts.

“All my life I've been waiting for that one person to come

along who would make it impossible to breathe because I

loved them so much, I've yet to find it.” Tears danced

dangerously close to spilling over in her eyes and she hated herself for being so weak.

“Maybe it isn't a man you need.” Ceara said softly,

watching for a reaction as she drove them slowly through

the hills. Shannon shook her head.

“No it is definitely a man I want.”

“A woman could be just as good for you.” Maybe she

shouldn't have had that second pint, her head felt slightly fuzzy and she knew she would regret her words.

“You actually think you could be man enough?” Shannon's

words rang out like a challenge. Ceara didn't answer her,

just kept her eyes glued to the road and drove towards

home in silence. She shouldn't have said any of what she

had said and her head was beginning to ache. Shannon laid

back against the seat with her eyes closed and Ceara wished for a long moment that she had had the courage to answer

her last question. Since she didn't, she focused on getting them home and did so not a moment too soon. As soon as

the car came to a halt in the driveway Shannon was out of it and at the wall, hurling her dinner and everything she had

drank into the grass beside it. All the lights in the house were off and Ceara knew it would be hard to get her inside

in this condition as drunk as she was. Shaking her head and fighting off the cold she decided it was best they walk for a while.

“Want to walk?” she asked Shannon who looked slightly

green around the edges still.

“Fresh air sounds like a good idea.”

So they walked, in silence for a while. As they neared the

house in the woods Ceara smiled.

“They got the walls up today, not all of them but a good

part of the skeleton.” She was so excited she could barely

hide it. Shannon blew out a long sigh as if traveling back

hundreds of miles to were they stood.

“I'm not like you.” she said at last, causing Ceara to stop talking and stare at her in confusion.

“How so?” she asked, waited.

“I don' t want a woman, don't want you.” she stated and

stared past her into the woods.

“I never said you had to want me Shannon.” Ceara said

slowly, as if weighing each word carefully. Shannon shook

her head at her.

“No you never said...but I see the way you watch me and I

feel the way your eyes slide over my body.” she paused

turning her back to her.

“I could never be like you.” Ceara noted she couldn't throw stones while looking her in the eyes and shook her head.

“Everyone is different. You don't have to be a lesbian to

want a woman, you don't have to be like me. You just have

to want, feel...” Ceara shook her head, swallowing hard.

Shannon swung back towards her, weaving unevenly as the

ground spun beneath her.

“I feel like I have made a huge mistake.” she said softly. “I should have never come to Ireland and stayed at your inn.”

Ceara frowned, injured by her words.

“It's not an inn Shannon, we accepted you into our home.

You were alone and had no place to go, it was easier to get you to stay if you thought it was.” Ceara said softly and

walked over to take her arm as she swayed with the night

breeze. Shannon sighed heavily, guilt was eating holes

through her drunkenness and she just wanted to sleep now.

Ceara took her arm and lead her slowly towards home.

Shannon wouldn't remember this conversation in the

morning and she wished she could be so lucky.

It took three attempts and two of her brothers to get

Shannon up the stairs. She was green from the drink and

drunk she was. Ceara thanked them for helping her get her

to her room. She handed her a nightgown and sent her to

the bathroom to change. She lighted the fire in her hearth

while Shannon was in the bathroom all the while trying to

fight off the things she had said to her. She hadn't just

injured Osef's heart tonight. Rejecting the thought she

struck the match and set the fire to blaze. Shannon wasn't

coming out of the bathroom. She walked to the door and

knocked softly.

“Shannon?” when there was no answer she nudged the door

open and found her lying on the bathroom floor, fully

dressed and sound asleep with the nightgown as a pillow.

“None of that now.” Ceara ordered and began flicking cold

water from the faucet gently in her face. Shannon stirred

slowly and tried to focus her eyes. Ceara pulled her to her feet and picked up the night gown. She pulled off

Shannon's jacket and helped her take off her shoes.

Shannon grabbed the shirt on her back to steady herself and scratched her ever so slightly with her nails. It sent dual chills of wanting and shame down Ceara's spine. This one

was not for her, she told herself and helped her off with her shirt.

“Do you like my breasts?” Shannon slurred, trying to stand

up straight and finding it hard when the room kept swaying.

Ceara undid her bra from behind and slipped the nightgown

over her head as the bra hit the floor. She was not

answering anymore of these questions.

“Let's get you to bed then.” she said and tried to unbutton Shannon's pants. Shannon reached down to help and as

their hands touched, their eyes met and electricity passed

through Ceara's stomach with a jolt. Shannon held her gaze, stilling her fingers with her own and whispered

“I know you want me.” when she said nothing in return,

Shannon reached out and lifted her chin with her own hand.

“I know you do. I see it in your eyes, can smell it on you.”

her voice was husky and Ceara knew she had to get away

before anything happened that she would regret.

“I have these dreams.” Shannon went on.

“You do such amazing things to me in them.” her eyes

burned against Ceara's own and she wished the air in the

room wasn't so thick, her lungs ached.

“You're all set for bed then.” she said softly and turned to leave. Shannon followed her into the bedroom.

“Would you stay if I were sober?” she asked of her back.

Ceara paused with her hand on the door knob and shook

her head without looking back.

“If you were sober, would you want me to stay?” she

stepped out into the hall and left Shannon to ponder that

question on her own. Her heart beat sounded in her ears and she needed desperately to get away. Instead of fleeing, she walked to her own room and concealed herself inside. She

slept fitfully through out the night, cursing the woman who was plaguing her dreams.

The next morning rolled in and the scenery outside her

bedroom was no less foggy than the contents of her head.

She could only recall bits and pieces of talking with Ceara but what she could recall was bad enough. She groaned as

she forced her eyes closed. It wasn't good enough she had

hurt Osef so badly but now Ceara had been injured as well.

She thought back over her relationship with Trent. In the

beginning she had been so happy but she had always

worried something was missed. She had loved him whole

heartedly but the gap never seemed to go away. She had

thought for a while if they had a child then maybe that gap would close. She knew now that that wouldn't have

changed anything. Her mind kept coming back to sex. Was

sex with Trent great? No. Never. Startled, she thought back for a moment over her few and carefully chosen lovers. She

sat up on a loud groan and hissed out a breath. She could

not recall a single time when one of her lovers had set off all her bells and whistles. Shaken, she swung her legs out, letting her feet touch the floor and wondered who had been

in and set her fire. On a plate near the fire laid two aspirin and a bottle of water. She shook her head carefully, afraid that her brain would slide out and sighed. Ceara continued

to take care of her even after the horrible things she had

said to her. Her mind clicked back to Osef and her stomach

churned miserably. Why must things like this always

happen? She shuffled to the table and greatfully swallowed

the aspirin. Out the window she saw Osef's truck pull up,

watched him step out and wave at Bram junior. When he

got back into the truck and drove away with out so much as

a glance towards her windows she felt the full extent of his pain. Turning from the window she came to a stop as her

door was gently knocked on, then pushed open before she

could answer. Ceara stood with her hand on the knob, stuck

in one place when her eyes met Shannon's. She carried her

clothing from the night before, it was neatly pressed and

folded as she often found it miraculously back in her closet.

“So...this is your home. Not an inn?” Shannon asked softly, afraid to scare her away.

“You are correct.” she didn't turn around, just continued to hang Shannon's possessions.

“Why was I invited here?” with her back to Ceara she

stared out the window, hearing her sharp sigh she shook her head.

“You looked lost.”

“Lost enough to lie to?” Shannon countered, turning to face her now as Ceara turned with fire in her eyes.

“You flew into a foreign country alone and had no place to

go. It was only natural I offer you a room.” Ceara's eyes

continued to burn but she wasn't giving into it.

“Thank you.” she said it so softly that the fire went out and the other woman's eyes settled on her own for a long

moment.

“You are welcome, Shannon.” she turned to leave, pausing

with her hand on the doorknob.

“You can stay for as long as you like.” she stepped back

into the hallway and closed the door behind her with a soft click. Shannon's head ached but not nearly as much as her

heart. Her thoughts spun out of control until finally, unable to deal with it anymore she climbed back into bed and

pulled the covers over her head.

When she finally resurfaced her headache was gone but her

disposition was still that of wanting a good hard fight. She dressed and made her way downstairs. She heard music and

followed it to Ceara's work room. She was shocked to see

her panting and trying to work a piece with one arm while

spinning the pole with her foot. She swore sharply when

the piece broke off and crashed to the floor.

“You could have woken me.” she walked over to the work

bench and tried to pick up the pole.

“You had a bad night. Best to sleep it off.” she kept her foot firmly on top of the pole.

“I can do it myself.” she told Shannon as her eyes came to a rest on the broken piece on the floor.

“Seems you've tried that already today.” Shannon said

softly. The fire sprung back into Ceara's eyes. She had tried to hard to be kind to this woman. Yet she continued to

thrive on being under her skin and in her veins. Ceara

turned her back to her and her need to taste, to touch, to

take. She had to get away.

“Why don't you just rest today.” she suggested and watched

as Shannon's own eyes began to blaze.

“Why don't you stop being so proud.” she snapped “and

just let me help you.”

“I don't need your help.”

“No, Ceara never needs anyone.”

“I though that was your song and dance” Ceara spun

around on her, trembling with anger.

“What is your deal?” Shannon countered, the edges of her

vision going red as reason began to slip away from her.

“My deal?” Ceara repeated and shook her head. With both

hands gingerly on her hips she began to pace.

“I take you into my home. I try to be your friend, help you.

You yell at me, make me feel horrible for the thoughts I

can't help and tell me you are nothing like me! And you

want to know what my deal is?” Ceara walked towards her,

her speed and movement something like a recently released

cheetah. In one swift movement she had Shannon backed

up against the table with her hands positioned on either side of her so she couldn't escape.

“Your thoughts?” Shannon huffed out a breath.

“Your feelings?” she tried to push her away, stunned by the womans easy stance and solid muscle. She couldn't move

her. Ceara shook her head and started to let her go, backing away. Unsure of what she had been trying to prove, she felt defeated.

“See, there it is.” Shannon raised her chin in challenge.

“You act as though you are going to do something, then

you throw in the towel and step back.” she shook her head

at her. Ceara didn't bother to trap her this time. No, instead she took one slow step forward, lifted Shannon's chin with

thumb and gazed into her eyes. In a movement so slow, so

easy she pulled Shannon to her and lowered her mouth to

hers. The kiss shouldn't have been earth shaking, it was so soft, a mere whisper of how a man would have kissed her

but it shook her to the roots of her hair. Shannon trembled as gently Ceara lead her deeper, sliding her tongue into her mouth and slowly exploring this new sensation as their

tongues slid together, clashed, slid apart. Shannon made no move to get away. It was Ceara who stopped the kiss,

stepped back and without a word walked from the room.

When Shannon brought her eyes up she saw the grief

stricken eyes of Osef who had apparently showed up just in

time for the final act. He turned and walked away, hat

clenched in his hands. Shannon swore under her breath and

started to follow him. Rain was coming down in sheets

outside, she ran through the house to get a coat. She'd cut him off at the front door. It took only moments but as she

came out the front door of the house he was already taking

off down the street. Defeated, she decided to take a walk in the rain, alone.

The grass was soaked under her feet and her mind was a

mess. Kissing Ceara had been the single greatest moment

of her adult life. It had felt so right that she couldn't

understand why she had just stood there and walked away.

She walked until she was soaked through and through,

surprised at long last when she stopped walking by the fact that she had walked to the house in the woods. It had a roof and a door now, she made her way up the front steps of the

wide porch to have a closer look. She stopped when she

heard the sobbing, turning quickly she began to flee back

down the steps. Pausing, she stepped quietly to the window.

Her heart stopped dead in her chest. Ceara sat on the floor inside, her back against the wall, her head in her hands and she was crying. The knife in Shannon's heart turned one

full turn and caused her turn away. She should give her her space, she should let things go. She turned to the door and stepped inside.

“No.” Ceara said shaking her head.

“Go.” She ordered.

Shannon turned to obey but stopped before she ever made it

back to the door.

“Ceara.” she said softly, stepping slowly towards her. Ceara shook her head and wiped at her swollen eyes.

“I want to be alone.” she said on a broken sob and wished

Shannon would just go.

“You kissed me.”

“You kissed me back. Damn it.” Ceara pushed her self up

off the floor, heading towards the door.

“Is this how we are going to deal with it? By running away

from each other?”

“What is it you want from me Shannon? You want me to be

your one female conquest so you can say you've been there

and done that. Then you can move on with your life?”

“What would you even ask that?” Shannon threw back at

her.

“I have never used anyone in my life as a conquest. Ever.”

she said softly, looking her in the eyes. Ceara shook her

head.

“Do us both a favor, pretend that kiss never happened.”

“Fine, it never happened.” Shannon lowered her eyes and

stared at the floor.

“Only, I'm glad it did.” she said it so softly at first she wasn't even sure she had said the words. Ceara looked her

in the eyes and shook her head.

“It's not going to happen again.” with that she stepped out the door once again and left Shannon staring after her.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Osef lived further up in the rolling hills that Shannon would have liked to remember. Each step she took in the blistering cold rain made her wish she wasn't so stubborn and she had

just gone back to Ceara's and gotten over all this. But she had hurt Osef and she was sorry, so she would go to him

and tell him so. The wind blew off the rolling green hills

and she shivered. The coat she wore wasn't water proof and

was so wet she was surprised it hadn't dragged her to the

ground, yet. When his house finally came into view she

picked up her pace and thought about what she would say

to him. She wouldn't have much time to think as she came

around the corner a huge wolfhound pup came running up

to her. He happily hopped up and put his dirty paws all over her while yipping happily. She saw the door beyond them

swing open and watched Osef come to a stop while staring

at her. He whistled for the pup who immediately turned and

ran to him gallantly. She noticed the pup didn't even try to put his muddy paws on him. Osef's eyes were as hard as

stone when they met hers.

“You've come along way in the rain.” he looked at the sky

beyond her but not at her. She nodded her head and half

expected him to step back into his house and close the door in her face. Instead he lowered his voice as he brought his eyes to hers, holding her gaze.

“You told me you needed time.”

“I do need time.” she shivered, he ignored it.

“Time for Ceara?” the snap came back into his eyes now,

hard and mean.

“That wasn't planned Osef and it won't be happening

again.” he watched as her eyes went sad with the statement, his anger began to subside as he realized how miserable she was.

“She has a way about her.” he offered, stepping back and

allowing Shannon to step inside his home.

“I pictured you here.” he said it softly, blushing. Shaking his head he turned to put the kettle on and disappeared from the room. She heard draws open and closed before he

stepped back out and handed her a neat pile.

“Bathroom is the second door down the hall, just strip off

your wet stuff and put these on.” he motioned towards the

over sized sweat suit she held in her hands. “Hang your

towel on the rack when you are done please.” while she

nodded and went to find the bathroom, he pulled mugs

from one cupboard and tea from another. He smiled when

he heard her swear smartly from down the hall. The

bathroom was tiny, more of a water closet really with a

toilet and a sink. He knew how hard it must be for her to

change in there and thought for a moment that he should

have told her of the bigger one upstairs. She finally

returned as the kettle whistled. He poured their water while instructing her to hang her clothing near the fire. Carrying two mugs he made his way to the sofa in front of the

fireplace and sat down.

“Tell me everything.” he ordered and walked back to the

table to bring over a plate of cookies Aggie had baked that morning. Shannon sighed heavily and sat down, pulling her

feet up under herself, she sipped the tea gratefully and

wondered where to begin.

“Ceara kissed me.”

“I saw. From where I stood it seemed you were kissing her

back.” Osef sipped from his own cup. Shannon set hers

down and wished she could pace.

“I'd never done that before. I didn't mean to hurt you Osef.”

she reached out and patted his hand softly. “It happens that I am that kind of guy” he smiled sadly. “no one ever wants

to hurt me, it just happens.” he shrugged and picked up a

cookie.

“I have no idea what is going on. I'm getting divorced, so

far from home. I miss Dole.” she said sadly and felt the

fresh wave of tears taking their place behind her eyes.

“Dole?” Osef sipped his tea patiently, then set the mug

down content to drum his fingers against the side of the

cup. The pup came into the room and settled himself in

front of the fire, Shannon watched him for a moment before

answering.

“My brother. He lives in New York with his wife and my

niece.” she sighed, sniffling in defense. Osef nodded his

head, waited.

“Shannon.” he began, not sure what to say. “Ceara wouldn't

kiss just anyone. You must be special to her.” he watched

her intently for a moment.

“I'm not gay.” Shannon said at long last.

“I...don't know what I am, anymore.” she blew out a breath

then decided to tell him everything. He listened patiently

about her dreams and about the thoughts Ceara made her

have.

“Don't you think you owe it to yourself and her, to find out what it may be between you?” any pain he may have felt

before seemed to be dispelled by the fact that Shannon was

as torn up about all this as he was. She gently touched his hand.

“I wish things were different Osef.” she sighed.

“Me too.” he smiled slowly. When his phone began to ring

he picked it up and the smile died on his lips. He told the caller that he 'hadn't seen Shannon all day' and hung up,

frowning. He hated to lie.

“You could have told her I was here.” she cocked her head

at his smile.

“Let her sweat it out.” he stretched out his legs and reached for the remote control. “Let me show you real television.”

he laughed and flicked the set on.

*~*~*~*~*~

*

It was after midnight, where the hell is she? Ceara paced.

She had called Osef three times but she had never shown

up there. It was her own damn fault she reminded herself

once again. She should have never let her wants and needs

get in the way. She had twenty six pieces left to go and she was not going to screw things up. She shouldn't have kissed her. She knew this but more than that, she shouldn't have

allowed the feelings that were crushing her from within her own heart. “Stupid thing” she muttered at the thought and

continued to pace. She had no idea were Shannon had gone

off to. Worse yet, she had no idea when or if she would

come back. She paused at the window when headlights

slashed through the night sky and penetrated her window.

Her heart raced as she prayed it was her being dropped off

by someone, who though? She didn't know anyone other

than Osef and he hadn't seen her. Turning from the window

she once again began to pace. At one sixteen am she gave

up and went into the living room. Turning on the television she settled back against the old sofa and tried to relax.

“Have you ever seen this movie?” Osef passed her the

popcorn and shook his head.

“No, have you?” he stood to add another log to the fire.

“Once or twice.” she crunched as she spoke. Osef had

convinced her to spend the night. He even offered to sleep

on the couch but she wouldn't allow him to do that. It was

his home, she was going to sleep on the couch herself.

“Should I call her?” she asked sadly, trying to focus on the screen.

“Do you want to call her?” He asked and reached around

her for a handful of popcorn. She shook her head slowly in

response and pointed at the screen.

“Here!” she smiled widely.

“Don't miss this part or you will be lost later!” he settled back and focused on the screen.

The television set flickered in the dark. Ceara sat, alone, in that dark watching a horrible American movie and wishing

for two things. First, that sleep would take her away and

erase this whole miserable day or two, Shannon would

come back and everything could go back to normal. She

dozed off on the couch. At least sleep was kind.

Shannon woke up to the sound of loud knocking on Osef's

door and listened as he answered it. She sat up when she

heard Ceara's angry voice.

“That's her jacket Osef, I know she's here.”

“She is here but she doesn't want to see you” his voice was apologetic and Shannon closed her eyes happy he had taken

care of it.

“You lied to me.” she heard the hurt in Ceara's voice now

and regretted it. They should have at least told her Shannon was safe. When Osef didn't answer right away, Shannon

was confused. Then she heard the door close and their

voices muffled outside. She strained to hear what they were saying but couldn't make it out through the wall.

“For the love of Christ Ceara what were you thinking?”

“I wasn't” she ran her hands through her hair angrily.

“That much is at least right.” he stood staring at her.

“So now what?” he watched her as she paced.

“Now what, what?” she stopped and stared at him. His eyes

went cold and she shook her head.

“I didn't take her from you Osef.” she said softly, stepping towards him. He shook his head in answer and looked past

her into his hills.

“No, you didn't. Somethings just feel awfully close to

home.” he shrugged and kicked at the dirt with the tip of

his boot.

“It is not a simple thing.” Ceara met his eyes, looked away again.

“What isn't?” confused, he shook his head.

“This thing between she and I. It is not simple, I wish it

was.” she admitted on a heavy sigh.

“It must be a very simple thing.” he looked back towards

the house.

“She didn't bring you up at all last night.” seeing the pain in Ceara's eyes he wished he could take the words, the

dishonesty of them back.

“Tell her if she wants her things sent anywhere, to let me

know.” she turned on her heel and climbed back into her

ancient truck. He stood staring at the road long after she

was gone. Hands in his pockets he swore to himself and

wished he hadn't said what he did. He hurt one of his oldest friends and it was all because someone else had hurt him.

Looking back over his shoulder at the door he decided the

best plan of action was no action at all. Instead of facing old ghosts, old hurts, he chose to walk over his own hills, he sought the silence only they could provide.

Shannon watched him walk off up and over a hill before he

disappeared from sight. She poured herself a cup of coffee

and perched on a stool in the quiet kitchen. Even the dog

had abandoned his place near the fireplace. She had seen

Ceara's ancient truck drive off and everything inside her

had churned. She wanted to go after her, demand answers

and at the same time she wanted to run from her afraid of

those same answers. Things had been so simple once. The

thought brought a sad smile to her lips. Those times were

gone. She ached for the noise and distraction of New York

and felt very overcome suddenly by home sickness. She

walked back to the fire place which continued to burn

brightly. It filled the room was the amazing smell of wood

smoke and winter. She sat down in the center of the rug,

crossing her legs Indian style and closed her eyes. In her

head she held a picture of her brother. She then, mentally, brought that picture to life. Where would Dole be? At his

studio. She could see him there so easily. Anna and

Brennon would be nearby. They were never far from him,

she knew. She saw his fingers moving over the fret board

and smiled inwardly at him. Then her thoughts took careful

flight in another direction. She could see her, muscles

straining, the bandages that were supposed to be on her

hand, discarded in a heap. Her shirt would be soaked, her

hair soaked and plastered to her head. Her eyes would be

focused on what her hands were creating. The radio would

be playing one of the few American rock stations she got

on her satellite radio and she would be reveling in the acid tones of it. Shannon could smell her, the pungent scent of

sweat and the soap she would have used in the shower. She

always smells like a summer field of wild flowers and rain.

She could see the quiet determination in her eyes and

smiled to herself. Frowning, she opened her eyes and

decided to let things lay where they had fallen for the

moment. By her count they had 24 pieces left to go. She

had made a promise she reminded herself and began to pull

her shoes back on. Osef came through the back door, his

eyes were distant and his features strained. For a moment

he looked past her, through her. His unseeing eyes not

taking in anything as he pulled off his jacket and hung it

near the door absently. Then he turned to her, focusing and smile slowly.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked, his expression from mere

moments before, cast aside. She watched him for a long

moment. Crossed her arms, uncrossed them and frowned.

“Are you ok?” she pulled herself up onto the stool at the

counter and squinted at him, studying him for a long

moment.

“I am fine, I am sure of it.” he assured her.

“I slept fine thanks. I don't know how I ever slept without a fireplace before.”

“No fireplaces in New York?” he poured himself a cup of

coffee and refreshed hers.

“No fireplaces where I lived in New York, anyway.” She

smiled in thanks and sipped from her cup thoughtfully.

“You built this house for her didn't you?” she watched the

shadows of the day play across his features. Watched as his temperament changed rapidly, then he reigned it in and

smiled bitterly. He looked around for a moment and sighed.

“I did, yes. After...everything I just couldn't sell it. I've a mind to rip out most of it and start over though.” his eyes smiled excitedly now.

“How would you change it?” Shannon listened, excited by

his sudden energy.

“Well, first I'd have my way with this kitchen. I wanted it to be homey. Maybe one large room with a breakfast bar.”

Shannon eyed the counter she sat at and looked behind her.

She was already seeing what he described to her.

“Osef...” she smiled at him

“I'm sitting at a breakfast bar in the living room. This is one huge room and it is very homey.”

His eyes danced at her.

“I know. I changed it myself just this past summer.” he

laughed and sipped from his cup.

“She came for you this morning” his tone was apologetic

and he saw her eyes fall instantly.

“Shannon..”

She shook her head at him and looked past him out the

window.

“I can't just run away from her.” she spoke softly, sadly.

“You didn't run away from him either. He drove you away.”

he saw the pain play in her features. Watched her internal

fight.

“Was it very hard to be with him?” Osef lowered himself

onto a stool across from her, crossed his ankles and

watched her.

“No, not always. In the beginning Trent was so good to me.

Then...he wasn't. He cheated, lied and brought woman to

our home when I wasn't there. I couldn't trust him

anymore...” her eyes took on a degree of sadness while she

spoke. He saw it, recognized it and wished her past it.

“And Ceara?” he asked softly.

He watched her chest rise and fall in a long drawn out sigh.

“She is like no one else.” she said softly, smiled. He

wondered in that moment if she knew how close she was to

falling for her...if she already had.

“No, there isn't.” he agreed.

“I was raised in a house were my father drank beer from a

can, cheap beer. He watched sports on tv in stained wife

beaters and smoked horrible cigars. People who were

different than us were wrong. Feminine men were fairies,

fags and fruit. I hated the way he spoke of people. Lesbians were dyke's, carpet munchers, not worthy. I hated it and

after a while I hated him.” she wished for a cigarette,

cleared her throat.

“I grew up with boyfriends because that was expected of

me. I denied myself any thoughts of what it would be like

to touch my lips to another girls because it was wrong of

me to think that way. I wanted so badly to be normal just

like everyone else. Now I find I can't catch my breath when she is near me and I can't breathe when she isn't. I think of nothing and no one else and yet I still can't say the words that I seem to need to say to free myself of all of this

confusion.” She met his eyes now, unsure of what she

would find there. Osef smiled at her warmly, reaching out

he patted her arm with his hand and sighed.

“All the good ones are dead, taken or gay.” he laughed

softly. Her face closed up instantly, her eyes left his.

“Oh come now.” he said softly. “Maybe you are not ready

to say the words lass but you know in your heart that you

are falling for a woman. That my dear, makes you at least a little bit gay in anyones book.” Osef laughed softly and

reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pack of

battered cigarettes. Looking at her sheepishly he smiled and pulled one from the pack.

“I keep trying to give these things up but I find they come me done.”

“Odd.” Shannon smiled. “I was just thinking about how

much I'd like one of those.”

“Help yourself.” He stared off out the window as smoke

curled around his head.

“If I could rewrite history. Oh, what I wouldn't give.” he

said softly, smiled sadly.

“Sometimes I just wonder how or why I haven't gotten

away from here.” he shook his head, drug deeply on the

cigarette and stared out at his hills.

“I could sell this place easily.” he said looking around

himself with pride.

“Maybe find my way to America, have a new life.” his

voice was so wistful she smiled at him.

“Why don't you?” she sipped her coffee. Taking a deep

drag of her cigarette wondered just how much she was

damaging her lungs and remembered why she had quit to

begin with.

“Why indeed.” he looked past her at a spot behind her on

the wall.

“I'm not quite sure.” he answered finally. “Tis not like I

plAnnad to herd sheep forever.” he admitted, his eyes

beginning to dance with the prospect of a new adventure.

“In New York women totally dig your type of accent.” she

smiled at him as he flushed, laughing softly at her.

“I will keep that in mind. Though I think I'd probably head for the other coast. Seems I'm tired of the rain and snow.”

he watched her for a long moment, pondering.

“Do you ever think about going back?”

“Of course I do.”

“Will you?” he watched her, her hand shook. Her mind was

clearly confused.

“I...” she frowned. “I haven't even thought about going

back since...”

And he knew what it was she was going to say. He decided

he'd have to wait till she was ready to say it, all of it.

“Ireland is beautiful. It has so much to offer the heart with its romantic sweeping of the hills. The roaring surf up at the tower. The tales of heartbreaking love and loss they sing

about in the pub. Ireland is beautiful when you are in love.

Otherwise...” he raised his eyes to hers. “It is one hell of a cold and lonely place.” with that he decided once and for

all, he was going to start that new adventure. The sooner

the better.

“You're going to go, aren't you?” she asked him, pushing

herself up from the stool. He nodded his head and smiled at her excitedly.

“Might even put this place up for sale today.”

She could have sworn if she hadn't been there, he'd have

danced a jig.

*~*~*~*~*

Osef dropped her off after lunch. He had been so excited he had talked a blue streak all the way back to the O'Neills.

She had heard most of it but her heart and mind had

seemingly deserted her. She wondered if she was right. If

Ceara would be doing exactly what she wasn't supposed to

be doing. When she stepped through the door into the front

of the house she was greeted by silence. Discouraged, she

headed upstairs to her room. She stepped in and gasped.

“So you were there.” she said softly. She sat in the window seat with her ankles crossed and anger written across her

features.

“You knew I was.” Shannon countered and headed to the

closet for a change of clothes. She pulled the door open,

began going through her small selection of outfits, annoyed that she hadn't brought more. Never pack angry she told

herself now with a sigh.

“Did you sleep with him?” the question itself was delivered evenly, calmly. Her hand faltered on the sweatshirt she had been about to pick up. She didn't turn around. Instead she

squeezed her eyes shut to hold in the pain. She couldn't go through this again.

“I've decided to go home” she said softly in answer, feeling the knife twist in her gut leaving her breathless. Ceara

spoke not another word. She simply stood, walking to the

door with wounded eyes.

“You spend a lot of time running away.” She said softly and stepped out, pulling the door closed behind her.

Shannon closed the closet softly, laid herself down on the

bed and began to sob. Ceara came back up the stairs,

angering deserting her for fear. She raised her hand to

knock and heard a sob from the other side of the door. She

dropped her hand to her side, dropped her head and went to

her work room. She felt like an animal, maybe she had had

no right to accuse of her of any wrong doing and maybe she

had no right to feel what she did for her but she did. Damn it. Damn her. Why did she have to wander off that plane

and into her life? How could she get her to stay?? She sat

down on her work stool and stared hard out the back

windows over their land. She never wanted to force her to

leave, she only wanted to...only wanted to what? Possess

her? Own her? Make her beg? All of those things and more

and she hated it. Shannon was a lost little straight girl and she was stalking her like a dog in heat and it was not sitting well at all with herself. She had to do something to break

the cycle, anything. Maybe going to the pub would help,

maybe distance would do the trick.

*~*~*~*~*

If she had slapped her it couldn't have hurt worse. For the next two days she cried and slept. Finally when her tears

ran out, she walked. Over the fields, into the woods, down

by the river. Torn, she wanted so badly to run to her.

Wanted even worse, to pack up and leave. Maybe she was

right. Maybe she spent far too much time running away.

She came to a stop at the top of a field. She had known

Osef would be here, wondered how many more times he

could be found lounging up against a tree, surrounded by

sheep. He waved at her, smiled. She turned away. She was

in no mood for happy smiles and pleasant conversation.

She turned and began to walk again, confused Osef

dropped his hand and frowned. Wondering what stupid

thing Ceara had done now, he turned back to his last day of sheep and smiled to himself. It had been 3 days and he

already had an offer on his house.

She crossed back down through the woods, slowly circling

over near little Bram's future house. She paused as she

came around the corner and found she wasn't alone.

She stood beside her father, together they looked at the

blueprints and talked avidly about what was left to be done.

She turned quietly and headed back into the tree's but Bram Sr. saw her and called out her name. She turned slowly,

watching Ceara freeze as she did. Bram Sr. waved her over,

Shannon wished for the strength to run and never stop.

Instead she put one foot in front of the other until she was before him.

“What do you think?” He motioned towards the house. She

turned around and studied it, unable to believe the outside was done so quickly.

“It's amazing.” she said honestly and smiled. Ceara

continued to study the blueprints, she had a tool belt slung low around her waist and her hands were uncovered. She

wanted so desperately to take those hands and examine

them, she resisted the urge. Barely.

“The inside is coming along now too.” he told her,

motioning for her to follow him inside. She followed

obediently, could feel her eyes boring through the back of

her coat. He walked her around the inside, pointing out

details here and there. Shannon listened happily, glad to be out of Ceara's view.

“Your son is going to love it here.” she smiled up at him.

He nodded his head and smiled in return.

“I hope so lass!” he boomed and turned to answer a

question. When she stepped into the room her heart sped

up, stopped, then damn near flew out of her chest. She

knew she was there before she turned around to look. Once

she did, their eyes locked and she couldn't look away. Her

eyes seemed to scream don't run from me. Shannon turned

away at once, made her excuses and started to walk back to

the house.

She was about half way back when she stopped walking

and turned around.

“How long are you going to follow me?”

“How long are you going to walk without talking to me?”

She countered. Shannon shook her head, exasperated.

“I've made my flight arrangements.” She didn't meet her

eyes.

“Have you now?” she took three steps closer, closing the

distance by half.

“I have.” Shannon cleared her throat, shuffled her feet.

“When do you leave then?” Ceara asked, trying to call her

bluff.

“Next Tuesday.” Shannon raised her chin in challenge.

“What airline?”

Stumped, she didn't answer for a whole minute.

“Ok, so maybe I didn't do it yet. But I'm going to.”

“Why?” She took another step closer.

“Is wanting me so bad?”

“Stop it.” Shannon took a step back.

“No. You made me a promise.” Ceara reminded her, took

another step closer.

“Promises are broken all the time. Things change.”

“Things do change.” She came another step closer, standing

barely a foot away now.

“What is it you want from me?” She regretted the question

before it finished leaving her mouth. Ceara closed the gap, crushed her to her chest.

“You know exactly what I want. All you have to do is tell

me to stop.” She crushed her mouth to hers. This time the

kiss wasn't gentle and this time Shannon didn't fight it.

Instead, she pulled her closer, deepened the kiss until her soul shook. As they pulled apart slowly Shannon's mind

clouded, she tried to stop the fog but it was too late.

“All you have to do is speak the words.” Ceara said barely

louder than a whisper. She didn't have to ask what words,

she knew. She shook her head Ceara took a step back,

stepped past her and continued on her way home. Shannon

stood as it began to snow and watched her walk away.

When she was sure she was out of ear shot she whispered

the words Ceara so desperately wanted to hear.

“I want you.”to her surprise the words were a lot easier to say than the knowledge was to handle.

*~*~*~*~*

She avoided her the best she could but she had made a

promise and it was time to meet that promise head on. She

took three deep breathes and headed down to her work

room. She heard the music before she got to the door.

Today it wasn't the light sounds of The Cranberries or

anything remotely soft. Today the music was rough, edgy

and it matched the look in Ceara's eyes when they met her

own.

“You're still here?” the question had some bite.

“I made a promise.”

“Promises change.” She locked her eyes on Shannon's for a

long moment.

“Sometimes they do and sometimes you just gotta suck it

up and keep with it. It's only 24 more pieces, right?”

“21.” Ceara pointed towards the Annaaler.

“I did a few myself.” she walked across the room, nodded

towards a crate.

“I had Keelan help me put a few of the finished pieces in

here. You want to see them?”

Shannon walked over to pull the lid off the crate and caught her breath.

“My god.” she said softly.

“You do good work.” Ceara smiled, Shannon laughed.

“I have a very good teacher.”

“It's not all I could teach you.”

Shannon took a step back.

“I meant.” Ceara began slowly.

“I could teach you other methods with the glass. I like

where your mind is though.”

She watched the light play in and out of Shannon's eyes.

Wondered what she might have said...

“Do you think people will believe you did these?” The

wonder was written all over her face as she studied what

they had created.

“They are really very good Shannon. I talked to my agent

and she seems to think I have a good show forming...” She

broke off, looked away.

“What?” Shannon asked, wondering what she wasn't

saying.

“She wants me to call it 'In her hands.” she shook her head.

“Ok? So what's the problem?”

“Then people will know I didn't do them myself. I hate that idea.”

“There could be no show at all.”

Ceara ignored what she said and moved on.

“She wants me to do this in a way that shows I worked with

you, I was there instructing you every step of the way. So

they see you creating my vision with your hands.”

“That's brilliant!” Shannon smiled at her brightly. Her smile faded slowly when her eyes came back to her own.

“You kissed me back.” she said it softly, her eyes confused by all she was feeling.

“I know.” she blew out a long breath, walked over to the

window and looked outside.

“You have a way of pulling at me. You're hot, you're cold.”

“I know.” Shannon said softly, rubbing her hands up and

down her arms.

“I can't read you.” she said softly, coming slowly towards

her.

“Read me? I can't even figure out myself, how can you?”

“Tell me you don't want me Shannon. Tell me and this all

ends right here and now.” Ceara stood, trembling on the

inside and praying she couldn't see it.

Shannon shook her head slowly.

“I can't say that. I can't say I want you yet either.” she

wanted to tell her everything she had told Osef. Instead, she stepped to her and pulled her gently towards her. She

brushed her lips gently over her own and sighed.

“Let's get through the last 21 pieces. Then we can figure

this all out.” Shannon offered. Ceara shook her head

slowly.

“See. I thought I could wait 28 pieces to take you to bed.

Now it seems I've barely made it 7 and I ache for you.”

Shannon closed her eyes for a long moment.

“Why me?” she asked softly.

Ceara looked at her for a long moment.

“Because you scare me.” She said honestly, Shannon

looked at her surprised, silent.

“I scare you?” she asked finally.

“Oh god yes.” Ceara laughed softly.

“Why?”

“You make me want. You make me ache. I don't know what

else to say.”

“So you just want to sleep with me?” Shannon's heart

shook, waited.

Ceara met her eyes, unsure of how well Shannon could see

through her.

“No.” she said softly, locking eyes with her again.

“I don't just want to sleep with you.” what Shannon saw

there now, scared her. She took a deep breath, swallowing

hard.

“My father was a bigot.” she said softly as Ceara came

slowly towards her.

“Is he here now?” she looked around. Shannon shook her

head.

“He's dead.”

“Then he isn't a bigot anymore and you don't have to worry

about him, now do you?”

Shannon shook her head slowly.

“Come upstairs with me Shannon. Let me show you what it

can be like.” Ceara held out her hand to her.

“What if I want to stop?” her voice was barely a croak.

“The minute you say stop, I promise, I will.”

Shannon put her hand in her own and nodded.

“Ok.”

“Ok? I didn't ask you if you wanted a cookie.” she laughed.

“I'm asking you to come to bed with me.” Ceara said

firmly, pulling her to a stop and looking her in the eyes,

waiting. Shannon nodded her head.

“I know.”

“And you still want to come upstairs with me?”

“Please.” Shannon whispered, Ceara barely heard her.

Nodding her head she took her hand and led her upstairs,

praying she could be patient and gentle. They walked

upstairs in silence and paused at Ceara's bedroom door.

“Are you sure?” she asked raking Shannon's body with her

eyes. Shannon nodded, swallowing hard and held her

breath as the door in front of them opened slowly.

The room was a lot like the one she herself stayed in but it felt different. In place of the light and airy curtains Ceara had chosen darker ones. Most likely to block out the light

when the artists hunger caused her to work late into the

night. Instead of the light colored flower comforter on

Shannon's bed, Ceara had a dark blue silk one that looked

like the midnight sky, only softer. There were so many

contrasts between the two rooms that Shannon found

herself distracted, looking around while Ceara laid a fire

and lit candles. Shannon came to a stop near the bedside

table and picked up a handsomely framed picture of an

older woman.

“You have her eyes.” she said softly as she felt Ceara step up behind her.

“My Da says I am a lot like her.” She smiled, pulled

Shannon against her so her back met her chest.

“Did she always smile like that?”

“Ah, my Ma had a hell of a temper. She could crack a whip

when she needed too.” she thought for a moment.

“She always smiled though. Always had a warm hug for us

growing up. It crushed me to lose her. I hate the look it put into my Da's eyes.” She took the picture gently from

Shannon and turned it away from the bed.

“Why do you turn her away from us like that?” Shannon

watched her thoughtfully.

“Shannon, if you had a penis instead of breasts I'd still turn her away. Tis not proper for my Mum to see the things I

intend to do to you.”

Ceara raised Shannon's chin gently with her finger and

traced Shannon's throat. Shannon swallowed hard, locking

eyes with her.

“Tell me you want me” she circled her slowly, like a shark.

Shannon's stomach trembled at the demand.

“Since the moment your eyes met mine on the plane.”

Ceara faltered, pausing momentarily.

“Say the words Shannon. I won't touch you unless you say

them.”

“I want you.” she said it softly, looking her directly in the eye. Ceara nodded slowly drawing Shannon to her chest.

She tips her head, slowly, deliberately drugging her with

the drawn out kiss. Exploring her mouth as it fit was the

only part of her she wanted to touch, taste.

“Lay down on the bed.” she says softly. Shannon kicks off

her shoes and does as she is told, laying down with her eyes full of nerves.

“Calm down love.” Ceara whispers with a smile.

“I ain't gonna eat ya. Yet.” she laughs openly now at the

look on Shannon's face.

“No one's ever...” Shannon begins softly.

“Ever what?” Ceara watches her intently, lays down beside

her. Ceara begins to stroke Shannon's stomach, slowly,

gently.

“Ever done that to me.” Shannon blushes, looks away.

“No one's ever gone down on you? Ever?” Mortified, Ceara

clucks her tongue. Shaking her head she smiles wickedly.

“I can fix that for you love.” Ceara murmurs, bringing her

lips down softly on Shannon's.

“You're trembling.” she says softly, reaches out to touch her cheek.

“It's my first time.” Shannon meets her eyes. She nods and

looks Shannon deep in the eyes.

“I'll be gentle then.”

“No. I want you to treat me like you would any other

lover.”

“But you are not any other lover Shannon. You are a very

special woman who has never had the pleasure of being

loved properly.”

On a sigh, Shannon settles back into the pillows to allow

Ceara to begin their journey. Slowly, she draws out the kiss, tongue gently meeting tongue. Building a fire takes steps

she told herself quietly. She would try to go slower,

wanting to savor every moment she slowly deepens the kiss

until she's drowning in it. Shannon's trembling and quiet

sighs were making it impossible to focus. She couldn't

believe this woman was here with her. She lifted her head,

watched Shannon's eyes flutter open and felt something

gentle and warm become unhinged inside her.

“What's wrong?” her voice was hoarse, her skin flushed.

“You're so innocent. I guess I'm just scared to hurt you.”

“Ceara, I need you.” she whispered softly.

“Shannon...you've never been with a woman. How do you

even know you want me?”

Shannon reached out slowly, bringing Ceara's hand to her

waist line.

“Touch me” she said softly.

“You will see I know what and who I want.”

Ceara closed her eyes, swallowed hard and gently slid her

hand down the front of her pants. Her breath catches hot in her lungs as she finds Shannon hot, wet and wanting.

Pulling her hand slowly back from her she sighs deeply.

“Please.” Shannon whispers, pulling her closer. Fighting

the urge to sink into her, Ceara levers herself over her

“Spread your legs.” she whispers hoarsely and settles in

between her thighs. Shannon moans softly as her weight

pins her down. The kiss is frantic now, no gentleness, no

ease. Tongue meets tongue in a battle. Hands grope, hips

grind. Ceara gasps as Shannon boldly finds her nipple and

strokes it to life.

“I want you naked.” she eases off of her, helps her with her shirt. Shannon tugs at her bra, watching Ceara as she

removes her own shirt and bra, tossing them aside. Naked

from the waist up, Ceara studies her openly. Her heart

hammers hard in her chest as she takes her time.

“Pants too.” she stands up, facing Shannon and undoes her

top button of her jeans. She lowers the zipper slowly as

Shannon's eyes follow her hand. Ceara pauses, slips her

hand into the waist band of her own underwear and slowly

strokes herself. Shannon's eyes grow wide, she watches her

hand, licks her lips.

“Shannon.” Ceara groans, stroking herself painfully slow.

“Please take of your pants. You need to do this for me.”

Ceara pulls her hand out of her pants, pulls down her pants and underwear and steps out of them. Shannon draws in a

deep breath and Ceara smiles down at her.

“What?”

“You really do take command of every situation, don't

you?” Shannon smiles playfully as Ceara takes her knee's

in both her hands and separates them slowly.

“Would you rather be in control?” she asks her, lowering

herself on top of her slowly till her mouth was only a breath away and their stomachs were touching.

“No.” Shannon shook her head, watching Ceara's lips.

“You seem to be doing just fine.”

Ceara pushed her hips down into her, smiled as Shannon

moaned.

“I've wanted to do this to you for so long.”

“Tell me” Shannon whispered as Ceara littered her throat

and face with slow kisses.

“The way you walk. The way you sit. The way you stare

out the window's over the fields.” Ceara growled low and

sexy, captured her lip between her teeth and tugged gently.

“You like the way I sit?” Shannon laughed, lost herself in

her kiss for a moment.

“Mhm” Ceara's tongue tangled with Shannon's while her

hands trailed up her sides. Ceara found the sensitive part of her throat and feasted upon it as Shannon's pulse began to

hammer out of control.

“How much longer?” Shannon murmured against her

mouth.

“How much longer?” Ceara asked, confused.

“How much longer are you going to make me wait?”

Shannon raised her hips, begging Ceara with her body to

take her. Ceara laughed huskily.

“In a wee bit of a rush my love.” she met her eyes, held her stare for a full moment.

“You never told me how you want me.” she said softly.

“How many ways could there possibly be?” Shannon

laughed, Ceara leaned in and whispered in her ear,

Shannon's eyes grew wide as she gasped.

“Women can do that? All of that?”

Ceara laughed in response, nodded.

“You really have no idea do ya?” Ceara watched her face

for a long moment, frowned.

“I don't care how you make love to me Ceara, just make me

yours.”

“You don't need me to do that to make you mine Shannon.”

She said softly.

“But I want you to. Please. How many times do I have to

ask?”

Ceara smiled in response, slipping her fingers between

Shannon's thighs and drawing in a deep breath.

“You are so wet.” she said softly, kissing her deeply as she slid inside her for the first time. Everything inside her tried to hold on to the slippery grip she had on her control but it was slipping steadily. Shannon gasped and arched as she

slipped in and Ceara caught her breath. Slow, she told

herself, slow. Ceara pushed into her slowly, pulling back

out just as achingly slow.

“Has anyone ever eaten you properly?” she asked,

breathless. Shannon shook her head, met her eyes. Ceara

slid her body down over hers and spread her legs. There

was no gentleness now, all need. Her tongue found

Shannon easily enough, she gasped and bucked against her

mouth. Ceara settled in to take her time, Shannon's fingers twisted in her hair. Ceara licked her so painfully slow,

taking her time to suckle her, to slide in and out before

starting it all again. Shannon moaned enjoying the ride. She began to tense and Ceara slowed her mouth.

“That was so mean” Shannon moaned. Ceara laughed,

dallying some more.

“Please, Ceara.” Shannon whispered, dragging her nails up

her back as she begged.

Ceara took her gently into her mouth, suckling as she slid

inside her. Moving faster now but still slow enough to draw it out. Releasing her from her mouth she dragged her

tongue over her, suckled, released. Shannon's fingers

tangled in her hair, pulling hard as she came. She closed

hard around Ceara's finger, keeping her locked inside her as she shook, tears running down her cheeks as she laughed

and cried at the same time. Ceara climbed up beside her,

holding her gently as Shannon settled into her.

“You alright?” she asked softly, gently wiping the tears

from her cheeks. Shannon nodded, sighed contently.

Shannon nodded, kissing her gently.

“No ones ever made me...” She broke off feeling foolish

and looked away.

“Made you what?” Ceara studied her quietly.

“I've never cum like that.”

“You've never cum at all, have ya now?” Ceara asked

gently.

“Trent tried...he really did. He was my only lover but he

was horrible at it.” she smiled sheepishly.

“Ceara?”

“Yes?”

“Let's play a game ok?”

“What's that?” she studied her, her cheeks all rosy from

being made love to and her hair tangled around her face.

“I'm going to touch you and you have to keep your hands

by your sides.”

Ceara laughed, shaking her head.

“Now that doesn't seem fair.”

“If you touch me, I'll stop.” Shannon smiled teasingly.

“Ok, you're on. I won't touch you.”

Shannon smiled as Ceara conceded. She began to explore

her slowly. It only took a few moments before Ceara caught

her own breath and damned the game. She touched her.

Flipping her over and lowering herself on top of her again.

Her hunger had never been so huge, so insatiable but

Shannon churned things inside her she didn't know where

still alive.

*~*~*~*~*

“We should try to get some work done.” Shannon focused

on her oatmeal to keep herself from blushing.

“I was going to take a walk.” Ceara finished her own

breakfast and stood to put the bowl in the sink.

“You can come with me, if you like.” She offered and

smiled at her over everyones heads. Shannon's cheeks

immediately began to flush. She had spent the night in

Ceara's room. It had been a night of firsts. Her favorite

being that she had made Ceara cum just as hard as she had,

more than once. She had never known love making could

be so much fun, so much laughter and sharing.

“That sounds alright.” Shannon stood slowly, her muscles

were a bit sore. She hoped no one noticed as she left the

room. Ceara followed her to the coat rack where she kissed

her softly, making Shannon look around quickly.

“They could see us.” She whispered. Ceara nodded and

smiled.

“I know.” she pulled on her coat and opened the front door.

Shannon followed her outside and pulled the door closed

behind her.

“You're walking a bit funny.” Ceara teased and laughed

softly.

“No complaints.” Shannon looked over at her and wished

they could go back to bed. Once they were out of sight

from the house, Ceara took her hand in her own and held it.

“Shannon, people may find out about us.” she watched her,

their walking slowed. Shannon blew out a long breath and

nodded.

“I know.” she said softly and stopped walking all together.

She pulled Ceara towards her.

“Kiss me like you did last night.” she dared her softly. It was all the invitation needed. Ceara stepped into the circle of her arms and tipped her head up. Lowering her lips to

hers she deepened the kiss gradually until they were both

lost in it. Tongue tangled with tongue as hearts hammered

within their chests.

“I want you.” Shannon whispered, running her fingers over

the zipper of her pants. She groaned and stepped back

regretfully.

“Let's see the house.” She said softly, stepping into the

woods with Shannon at her side.

“Then I have to finish some pieces.” she said it

apologetically.

They walked silently hand in hand for a while. As they

rounded the bend near the clearing Shannon pulled her to a

stop and backed her against a tree. She pressed her body

into Ceara's and kissed her gently at first. The fire spread through her belly in a way she had never felt before Ceara

and she once again ran her fingers gently over her zipper.

Ceara pushed her gently backwards and held her at arms

length, studying her eyes for a long moment.

“You will be the death of me” she huffed out a breath and

took Shannon's hand in her own. They stepped into the

clearing and took in the finished house.

“My Da says the inside is incredible. Would you like to see it?” Something dangerous danced in her eyes, something

hot danced in her stomach. Shannon nodded her head and

followed her inside. Once the door was closed behind them

they hung their jackets on a beg near the door and kicked

off their shoes.

“No need dirtying up the place.” Ceara had smiled and

stepped into the first room from the foyer.

Together they took in the living room. The entire east wall was a bank of windows that would draw in the sunlight and

spread warmth through out the room. The floor was wide

planked wood boards that looked as wonderful and natural

as the rest of the house. It looked like the tree's had come together and built themselves a place to live.

“This place is incredible” Shannon said as Ceara lead her

into the kitchen. New appliances gleamed, windows shined

from having been scrubbed clean and the same wide

planked floor followed them from room to room.

“I love the floor.” Ceara squatted and ran her hand lovingly over it.

“Little Bram still doesn't know about this place?”

Ceara shook her head in answer and smiled.

“We are going to give it to them on their wedding night.

Some of the guys are still working on small details.” She

looked around wistfully. She paused at the kitchen counter

and ran her hand over it lovingly.

“I picked these out.” she told Shannon and smiled.

“I used to dream my Da would build a place like this for

me.” She shook her head slowly, shaking off the old

familiar ache.

“Why wouldn't he?” Shannon came to a stop beside her,

resting her hand gently over Ceara's. Ceara looked down at

their joined hands and sighed.

“That could have something to do with it.” She sounded so

sad that Shannon ached for her. She turned her around

slowly and backed her up against the counter. Kissing her

gently, trying to ease her ache. This plan backfired however when Ceara took control of the kiss taking it miles deeper

into the fire, singing them both. She turned Shannon around till her own hips knocked against the counter and leaned

into her. Shannon hooked her fingers in her waist band and

pulled her closer as Ceara lifted her onto the counter top

and stepped neatly between her thighs. Shannon let out a

soft moan as Ceara explored her mouth and touched her

breasts through the rough material of her shirt. Shannon

moaned as she began to run kisses up her throat, hips

arching forward, driving Ceara wild.

“If we don't stop.” She panted. “I'm going to take you right here.”

Shannon looked around and smiled teasingly.

“I don't see any reasons why you couldn't take me here.”

she mimicked the way Ceara had just said it, smoky and

desperate. Ceara's touched slowed, her eyes came to

Shannon's face and something inside her trembled. Startled, she stepped back, cleared her throat.

“Someone could come in.” her eyes darted to the windows,

then the door. She was clearly spooked by the idea.

Shannon sighed and climbed down off the counter.

“We have some pieces to work on.” There was several that

still needed to be finished and the pick up date was looming close by.

“It's ok.” Ceara told her hurriedly. “My hands are feeling

much better.”

Understanding flashed in Shannon's mind quickly followed

by hurt. She didn't need her anymore. Nodding, she walked

to the door and started back out through the clearing while Ceara stood helplessly watching her. Mentally, she kicked

herself. Shannon had done nothing to deserve such an

abrupt and cold ending to a very hot moment. A moment

they had both been a part of, she reminded herself. Shannon was out of sight now and Ceara rushed out the door to catch up to her. She ran through the clearing into the woods

searching for her. When she didn't see her, she scratched

her head and turned a full circle. She couldn't have made it past here so fast. She walked quickly back towards the

house, looking for her the whole way.

Damn her. If Ceara didn't need her, didn't want her...it hurt.

One night, had that been enough for her? It hadn't nearly

been enough for Shannon but then, she was used to people

casting her aside. That knife turned in her heart causing her to walk faster and further away from the house. It had been a stroke of luck when Osef had driven down the winding

road and came to her rescue. Osef had eyed her

suspiciously but kept the conversation light and pointless.

“Are you hungry?” he asked as he drove towards town. She

shook her head in answer and continued to stare out the

window.

“Have you ever cast a woman aside Osef?”

He thought for a long moment then shook his head no,

wondering what had happened but he didn't question, just

watched her for a long moment before pulling into his own

drive way. Shannon looked up and understood he was

offering her a place to hide from herself for a while.

“Women cast me aside Shannon, I've never had the

chance.” he offered with a slow, sad smile and watched the

pain in her eyes ebb around her iris and wished it would

recede. He didn't ask but he knew Ceara was behind that

pain and he cursed her silently. Climbing from the truck he walked to his front door and through it open. The dog came

clambering out and Osef smiled widely at it even as it

almost knocked him over. Shannon stood watching them

and ached more. Would she ever have a home? Would

anyone ever be so happy to see her when she opened the

door? Tears threatened and suddenly she wished she was at

home. Not the the house she had been living in the past few months but the one she left behind in New York.

“I think it's time for me to go home.” she said softly and

Osef paused, understanding immediately what she meant.

“Are you sure that is what you want?” He watched her for a

long moment, seeing it all in her eyes before she spoke.

“She's the only person I have ever been so in love with.”

the tears came now, Osef moved and pulled her into his

arms.

“She doesn't want me.” Shannon sobbed against his chest.

Osef shook his head, sure he was mistaken. He knew his

friend was just as in love with Shannon. He also knew what

a risk it was for her because her Da would never

understand. Osef knew that he knew about the model in

New York but he never spoke of it. Unable to defend Ceara

he sighed helplessly.

“What would you like to me do love?” he asked her softly.

“I want to pick up my things. I really think it is time to go home.”

Sadly, he held her at arms length for a moment and wished

he had answers for her. She went inside and used his phone

to book her flight. It wasn't till late that afternoon, she didn't feel that was nearly soon enough. They went back to

Ceara's house where when then entered, they heard her

music from the back room and Shannon knew she would be

finishing the last three pieces. She ran quickly upstairs and packed the few things she had back into her duffel bag and

took one last long sad look around the room. All she had

wanted was to get away from the failed relationship she

was in back home. That is why she had run here. Now she

found herself packing up to run away from the same

situation. Something inside her broke as tears streamed

down her cheeks silently as she made her way back outside.

Some people just weren't good enough for love. Perhaps,

she was one of them.

*~*~*~*~*

She stood looking down at one of the first pieces Shannon

had made and ached. She hadn't seen her since early that

day. As the sun began to set something in her turned cold.

Something wasn't right. She ran upstairs to see if Shannon

had come in while she had been working and found her

room was void of any of her items; her closet was empty.

She dropped down onto the bed and stared at the floor till

long after the sun had set. She knew before anyone told her that Shannon had caught the first flight she could out of her life. Out of her country. And that thing that had turned

coldly inside her broke open and flooded her with so much

feeling she thought she would drown in it. It wasn't cold

anymore, it was overwhelming and it was too late.

*~*~*~*~*

She stared into her cup of black coffee and didn't speak at all, didn't eat a bite during breakfast. Her brother his wife exchanged knowing glances; Anna continued to feed

Brennon as much as she could get into his mouth while his

tiny arms and legs flailed around him. Usually Shannon

would have laughed a blue streak over the babies antics,

today she sat silent and broken.

“You should try to get her to talk.” Anna had whispered to

Dole on her way out of the kitchen to bathe the food

encrusted child. He had nodded and refilled his own mug

before sitting back down across from her. She had shown

up a week before looking wildly heart broken and acting as

if everything was fine. It wasn't that he minded her crashing in their guest room for a while...but that quest room was

about to become a second nursery and well, he hated seeing

her so broken.

“How was Ireland?” he asked quietly and saw the sparks of

pain fragment in her eyes as they slid to his own.

“Ireland is beautiful.” she offered sadly and sipped her now chilled coffee with a grimace.

“Then why the long face?”

She stood up and dumped her coffee down the sink and

started to make a hasty retreat.

“Shan” he called after her.

“You've always been able to talk to me.”

She paused for a moment, turning to face him for one long

moment.

“I'm not ready yet.” she offered in answer and disappeared

for the day.

*~*~*~*~*

“Ceara, the driver is here to pick up the crates.” Bram

Senior stood in the door way and watched his daughter

pretend to be alright for the eighth day in a row. He even

pretended that he didn't know it had to do with Shannon's

sudden departure.

“When will the show be then?” he asked her as she finished

writing up a shipping slip for the outside of the crate.

“My agent will set it up and then fly me to where ever.

Usually a month or so.”

He nodded at her and watched as the pick up team came in

to take away her work. He watched her eyes fall as a song

she usually sang came on the radio. He turned away as her

tears began to fall. He couldn't stand what a broken heart

was doing to his daughter. He pretended to be blind but

even a blind man could see how those two had looked at

each other. When he had come upon them by accident out

at the house the last morning Shannon was here, he had

backed up slowly, making sure they didn't see him. He had

seen the look in his own daughters eyes as she had given

her heart in her kiss to Shannon. He wished her all the

happiness in the world. Then he had turned and walked

away, going to see to his cows before anyone saw him

there.

*~*~*~*~*

In the front seat of Dole's car the song lyrics ripped through her.

I whisper in your ear the words you want to hear. You feel the wind and it reminds you.

It happens every time.

She would not think of her.

You stop and close your eyes. You can't deny what lives inside you. Well I know it's hard to see what is meant to be when yesterday is far behind you.

“Damn it.” she said softly and pressed her head up against

the glass of the window next to her head.

Deep inside your soul knows I'll always there.

Get out, she thought inside her head. Wanted to scream it.

You made me believe the day you surrender to me

The memory will never die

The love you gave me

I'll never throw it away

The memory will never die.

Time heals all wounds doesn't it? Shannon prayed the song

would end. Her heart raced forward, aching in her chest.

The tides take a turn

Another lesson learned

I'm right here but still you wonder

What if she had stayed? Fought for the way she felt for her?

Made her accept that she was in love with her? But how?

She couldn't even make herself tell her how she felt.

Whenever you wake up

Whenever you gave up

All that you had for nothing at all

The bed that you lay in.

Remember you made it

And nobody's there to catch you when you fall.

She picked up the case for the cd Dole had left in when he

ran into the bank and read the song title and artist. Default, the memory will never die.

“Fuck you Default.” she murmured to herself sadly. “The

dream is already dead.”

She didn't meet his eyes when he got back into the car and

he didn't comment when he found his cd snapped in two on

the sidewalk outside his car. He had thought about it once

he was inside and had realized this would probably happen.

He mentally thanked Anna for having him burn his cds in

triplicate. He didn't question her silence and she didn't offer any answers. He knew someone somewhere had broken her

heart. He just wished the pain would fade from her eyes, he hated seeing it there.

*~*~*~*~*

After another month of crashing in their guest room,

Shannon decided it was time to get back out on her own. It

had been 37 days since she had seen Ceara and the pain

was starting to dull. It was still there, it just didn't stab so hard anymore.

She began to look for apartments near Dole's part of the

city. Rents where too high and she was a little to

unemployed to afford them. So she lowered her

expectations and looked else where. She found a charming

little run down hell whole near SoHo that caused her to

cringe as she walked from room to room. She was certain

that tribes of roaches met here to discuss the fate of the

world. She had smiled falsely at the manager and said she

would get back to him. She had ran back to Dole's and

showered for 45 minutes to remove the film she was

certain, was on her skin.

The next apartment promised to be a sunny unit that was

'fully furnished'. Little did she know the 'sun' was from the fluorescent light bulbs in the hallway because there were no windows that looked outside; the windows faced the inner

hallway and without good curtains, everyone could see into

your place. She passed on it quickly and noted that fully

furnished, meant a sagging mattress and nicotine stains on

the wall.

The next apartment was in a questionable area but the rent

was controlled and it's ad, though vague, had sounded

slightly promising. She was happy to find it had stark white walls, no furniture, no roaches and no dirty feeling of scum settling over her skin. The down sides were it was a four

story walk up, this apartment in particular was on the fourth floor, it was in a bad neighborhood and her neighbors and

though her new neighbors looked nice, they were both

fluent in italian and liked to yell it at each other at the top of her lungs. The landlord said they were 'passionate' that's all. Shannon also found out about three weeks after she

moved in that they were just as 'passionate' about making

up. She hadn't spoken to Dole in several days and she was

missing him. Her phone had just been turned on and she

had no one left here to call, other than him. She thought

about calling Osef to see how things were. But the thought

caused her heart to ache and she decided against it

immediately. Instead she turned her attention to her guitar and tried to pick out a new song. Tomorrow she would have

to look for work. The only good news she had gotten since

coming home was that her divorce was final. At least that

was on step in the right direction. She wished she could get out from under the heaviness of her heart. Missing Ceara

was taking up far too much of her time and she wanted to

forget her and move on.

The memory will never die.

“Damn that song!” then to the sound of her neighbors

making up again, she put her guitar away and decided to

spend some time outside on her fire escape. She climbed

out the window and sat down, hugging her knee's to her

chest she stared off over the hills and cried quietly. She

wondered if any place would ever feel as close to home as

her arms had.

*~*~*~*~*

“Ceara” her father spoke to her softly, away from the rest of the family.

“It is your brothers wedding, please try to look happy for

him.”

“Da.” Ceara said softly, trying to hide her pain, trying to pretend she hadn't counted the minutes since Shannon had

gone away.

“I don't have to pretend, I am very happy for Bram.” she

reassured him and turned to walk away. His massive hands

plucked two glasses of champagne off a passing tray and

followed her. When she came to a stop outside the

reception hall, looking off over the mountains that

surrounded it, he saw her pain glimmer. Passing her the

glass, he raised his own.

“Ceara I know.” He said softly. She didn't turn, didn't dare move.

“If you love that girl...” he broke off, watching her

shoulders slump, hearing the sob.

“She left Da. Nothing more needs to be said.” She raised

her glass and chugged, putting it down empty next to her

hand. He frowned, sipped his own. Tossing a look over his

shoulder his smiled as Osef turned Sally around on the

dance floor. Their romance was the talk of the town and

almost as sweet as he remembered his and Rose's being.

“I saw the two of you together in little Bram's cabin.”

When her eyes came too quickly to his face and her skin

flushed, he laughed softly.

“Not to fear my dove, I took off when I saw the way you

looked at her. I wanted to bust in there at first and yell, because I didn't understand.” He said honestly. Meeting her eyes.

“Then what stopped you?” she asked softly, for the first

time in her life not denying it.

“The way you looked at her. I used to look at your Mum

that way.” he smiled at the memory.

“I don't even know where she went.” she sighed

mournfully.

“Have you tried looking yet?”

“Of course. I have my agent trying to track her down. I

found her brother, Dole. I don't dare ask him though.” she

turned and hugged her father tightly.

“Ceara” He said softly into her hair.

“Yes, Da?”

“If you love her, truly love her. Don't let her slip away.”

She stepped back and looked up into his eyes. Nodding, she

smiled for the first time in weeks.

“When do you leave for New York?” He asked her with a

slow smile.

“My show is another two weeks away.” then understanding

she smiled and nodded her head again.

“By the end of the week.”

“Good.” he nodded and lead her back inside to the party.

“Tonight we dance.” he lead her onto the dance floor and

for once Ceara allowed herself to have fun, wishing

Shannon was there to dance with her.

*~*~*~*~*

Her new job, in a word, sucked.

“Welcome to the Sausage barn.” she tried to smile but it

looked false. She lead the two men to their table and

assumed the giggling was because of the name of the place.

There was sawdust and peanut shells on the floor, bad food, bad costumes and horrible service. It was just the type of

place gay men liked to go to say they could get a shirt that read 'I ate at the Sausage farm.' It was supposed to be

innocent but on several occasions Shannon had experienced

people eating sausages that weren't on the menu. For the

life of her she could not figure out why she had not quit yet.

Yet she figured out why every time she balanced her check

book. Her checking account was alarmingly low and her

cupboards were close to bear. She understood suddenly the

old Mother Hubbard nursery rhyme with annoyance. She

sighed as the door opened once again and stood up.

“Welcome to the Sausage...” was all she got out when she

looked up and fumbled.

“Dole.” she shook her head and her skin flushed.

“Shannon...” he took her arm and lead her outside to talk to her privately.

“You're degrading yourself.” he struggled to keep his voice low.

“I need the money.”

“I could have lent you money.” he whispered harshly.

“I don't want your money. I will make my own.”

“Fine.” He bit off and started to walk away.

“At least take that ridiculous sausage off your damn head.”

“I have to wear it for work. Please don't make a scene.”

“You're standing here with a sausage on your head and

you're telling me not to make a scene? Quit this ridiculous job Shan and come back to my place, please.”

Shannon shakes her head slowly.

“I can't do that Dole. You are having another baby and you

don't have the room. It's ok, really.”

Dole stands before her, shaking his head slowly.

“You can do so much better than this.” his expression is

mournful.

“I know but for the moment I just want to be.”

“Why don't you just call her?”

“Call who?” Shannon meets his eyes, holding his gaze.

“It doesn't matter to me who you love Shannon....why are

you doing this to yourself?”

Shannon didn't bother to answer him, instead she turned to

the next couple in line and welcomed them to the sausage

barn. Defeated Dole left but his heart ached for her.

*~*~*~*~*

She hated flying and now as she looked at the window and

saw Ireland fading below her she remembered why again.

Nausea threatened and she squeezed her eyes closed. She

had wondered about Shannon's where abouts constantly

over the last month. She had tried to discount the hurt she felt but no matter how she tried it left a bitter taste in her mouth and her heart feeling soured. She had watched her

little brother get married and wished the pain in her heart would dull. She had watched Osef and Sally as they danced

around the dance floor in each others arms and into one

another's hearts. They were so sweet together, all of them.

“Lucky bastards” she murmured to herself, drawing a

curious look from the man in the seat next to her.

“You say something?” he asked, trying for idle

conversation. She shook her head in answer and refocused

on the clouds outside the window. She couldn't wait to land.

Sleep wasn't forthcoming and drinking wasn't the answer

but she ordered scotch after scotch until her head began to swim. Her nausea grew and grew until finally she passed

out and threw up all over herself and the annoying bastard

beside her. She was so embarrassed that she offered to pay

for his dry cleaning, he refused and stated that he knew

what a broken heart looked like and she decided he could

go fuck himself and got pissed when they refused her

another drink. Finally she passed back out and landed still drunk and angry, miserable and alone. Where the fuck was

Dryfus? She had screamed this in the face of a flight

attendant who had expertly ignored her hate. Dryfus had

finally turned up and whisked her off, what a sight she was.

*~*~*~*~*

The day was gray and for once Shannon agreed with the

weather. She felt just as gray and dismal inside as the down cast sky outside. She looked down at the flier that had been stuck to the Sausage barn's front door. She held her breath for a long moment and tried to steady her pounding heart.

Ceara was coming to New York. Would she go see her? No.

She shook her head at her own thought. That wound was

still too fresh. To fill the hours she wasn't working she

watched a tv with bunny ears that had horrible reception

and three channels. She kept the tv on for the noise as she sat a long table against the one wall of her two rooms. The room was sparsely furnished the table she sat at and the

stool she sat on were her two major pieces of furniture. She had a folding lawn chair she had found outside that

someone had been throwing away and a futon mattress she

got cheap cause there was no frame and she had to use that

on the floor. She didn't mind being poor, it was a feeling

after years of being a musician that she was used to. She

was beyond the crying and tantrums that most starving

artists would pitch. She was comfortable in her limited

surroundings and currently immersed in a glass catcher she

had been working on every spare minute of the last two

weeks. She had hand drawn the original design while

seated at the front podium at work. It had been an unusually slow day and she had drawn to keep herself from being

bored out of her mind. Once the design had been started it

seemed to come to life and as she adjusted her stain color

now, she held her breath and applied another coat slowly. In between glass pieces her eyes would flick to the flier and

hold for a moment. She was trying so hard not to think of

her. In another two weeks she would be here just a mile or

two away. The thought made her ache. She wished that she

had the means to get away for a week or two, maybe then

she could clear her head and find some way to get past her

and all these left over feelings she held for her. She rolled her neck slowly, trying to loosen up the tension in her

muscles from hours of working at this table hunched over.

As she placed the pieces together she worked in complete

concentration, ignoring the Spanish game show on her tv.

She tried to see what it would look like finished and

frowned. Maybe she should go see her. Maybe she should

go away for a few days. She hated feeling torn but right

now she couldn't seem to get past it. Finally she turned off the light and the tv. Day had faded into dusk and dusk into a slippery black starless night. She crawled out on the fire escape and shivered. The temperature had plummeted in the

hours since the sun had set. She stayed where she was until long after the cold had caused her arms to go numb. She

prayed if she stayed out here long enough it would numb

her heart as well. She snickered at the thought and shook

her head. Wishing she had some place to go, she finally

stood up and forced herself back inside. Pulling on ancient nylon jobbing pants and a hooded sweat shirt she shoved

her feet into her running shoes and picked up her keys.

Maybe a walk would clear her mind before bed. Ass he ran

down the stairs and out onto the street she was met by the

first falling snowflakes of the season. Her heart plummeted in her chest as she thought, painfully, of the last time she had seen the snow fall. In her mind, as she stood frozen on a New York street, she was transported so very far away.

She could see her eyes, there exact size, shape and color

and her breath caught in her chest. Her lips formed next,

looming in the air before her face, smiling at her, then

growing cold with anger. The last thing she saw before they disappeared was the way those lips curved when they

turned up playfully in desire. She wanted her, she missed

her, she needed her, she hated her. It was this endless cycle of emotion that she had begun to hate. Miss, long, love,

hate, miss, long, burn, loath. When would it end? She didn't hate her. No matter how many times she told herself she

did, she didn't. She wanted to run towards her, to find her and hold her but she couldn't. It had been Ceara who turned her away, Ceara who didn't want her. She would not make a

fool of herself again over someone not wanting her, no

matter how much it hurt. She shook her snow covered head

and turned on her heel, slamming the door behind her she

ran back up the stairs into her apartment and left the lights off. She kicked off her shoes in the dark, tossed her wet

sweatshirt on the top of the stool and flung herself down on the futon. She lay in the dark for hours, hungry for the love of a woman she never wanted to want to begin with.

*~*~*~*~*

She slept for part of the flight and was happy when she

woke up just as they touched down. The guy beside her had

horrible breath and had been drinking free alcoholic

beverages the entire flight. Before she had passed out he

had been telling her his life story. She realized now that

falling asleep had probably saved her life. Had she had to

listen to another word she probably would have opened the

door of the plane and let herself be sucked out. She laughed lightly at the thought and stood up. Her sense of humor was unusually morbid lately and it was starting to worry her.

Things had been great she thought, going so well. She had

never lost herself in someone the way she had with...damn

it. She wasn't going to think about her. Then why the hell

am I in New York? She asked herself as she waited for her

bag to come out into the claim area. How hard would it be

to find her? Would she even agree to see her? Had she seen

the fliers she knew her agent was having plastered all over the city? It had been ingenious to name the show Nonnah's

Hands. She hoped Shannon would see the significance in

naming it that, if in fact she saw it at all. Now that she was back in New York she would have to be fitted for

fashionably correct clothing and switch back into the

sophisticated sexier version of herself. She felt so different when she was Ceara Llieno, like she was special. Again she

wondered if she should share the profits of this show with

Shannon. She had done just as many pieces as Ceara had

herself. She picked up her bag and moved out of the claim

area. Her room was booked, her car would be waiting and

she felt completely empty. She wished she had known it

was only going to take 28 pieces of art to change her life.

Somewhere in those 28 pieces she had fallen in love and

lost part of herself. Now if only she could find Shannon to get those pieces back. If only she could find Shannon...she thought again, her heart aching. Her cell phone rang as she handed her bag off to her driver. Pausing with her hand on

the door she checked the incoming phone number and then

answered it with a smile.

Dryfus Coop had been her manager for the last five years.

He had sold her very first piece of art and he swore he'd be there to sell her last one as well. He was a tall fellow at six feet even. He had a swimmers build with wide, powerful

shoulders and an angular face that was anything but

ordinary. He often joked that he could have been a model

but he'd chosen to make her dreams come true instead. She

was glad he had. Now as she climbed into the back seat of

the car and listened to him croon to her in his native tongue of dirty French, as he called it, she smiled in spite of

herself. She leaned back into the seat, crossed her legs and laughed a full, rich smile. After 4 minutes he had talked

into an interview with the New Yorker, dinner tonight and

brunch the next day with some people he'd like her to meet.

She wasn't supposed to be here for another two weeks she

reminded him.

“You came early.” He reminded her. “Laissez-nous partie”

he said and she had laughed and shook her head to herself.

He was right, maybe, just maybe she needed to have some

fun. The car moved slowly through the evening traffic and

she hung up the phone and settled back into the seat. Her

back ached and her mind was confused by the time change.

She wanted to go home and put her life back in the order it belonged in. The car struggled to find a way across town

and once it found her hotel she climbed from the back and

stretched. The driver took her back to the desk and checked her in while she went to the bar to find Dryfus. He smiled

at her when she came in and stood up. He held his arms out

to her and held her close when she came to a stop in front

of him. Kissing both cheeks loudly he laughed and

motioned for her to sit down. She was happy suddenly that

she had agreed to have dinner with him. He motioned for

another drink, then held up his fingers for two when she

stole what was left of his.

“You always drink such girly drinks” she teased and

replaced his empty glass on its coaster.

“Darling, one of us has to be girlie.” he smiled in answer

and thanked the waitress. Ceara smiled and picked up the

menu.

“No no.” Dryfus shook his head.

“We are not eating here.”

Confused she studied him for a long moment.

“Why not?”

“Sven found the most ridiculous place. Obscure...but more

than that.” He laughed.

“Is the ridiculous way they make their crew members

dress.”

She put the menu down and nodded.

“Ok” she said.

“I haven't eaten in hours though. Can we go?”

*~*~*~*~*

Doug Parker was a slacker and a dick. He was also

Shannon's boss at the Sausage barn. Whenever Doug's

'friend' Cliff didn't want to work, was too drunk to work or decided to give Cliff head in his office, Cliff didn't have to work. But Shannon did. She had been at home working

peacefully on her project when the phone had rang. She had

considered letting it go but the rent was coming due and

she was still 58$ short. This shift would help her get the

rest of the money in tips, she hoped. She changed into her

work clothes and tucked the ugly sausage hat into her bag.

She had applied a few other places and put out word she

was looking for a new band. That part of it shouldn't be so hard, she had had a fairly decent following, locally, before she had disappeared. Dole had left her four messages today, she hadn't returned his calls either. She just didn't want to talk to him or anyone for that matter right now. She still felt stupid over his having seen her in her ridiculous work hat.

She could have taken his money but with his wife and child

depending on him, it just didn't feel right.

She hadn't gotten too far in her walk earlier in the day.

There had been a fight between a local drug dealer and a

junky that had ended when the junky had stabbed the dealer

with a dirty needle. The dealer had freaked out and beaten

the crap out of the junky, resulting in a lot of police traffic on the block. Such things made Shannon nervous, since she

did not like violence and she had quickly returned home.

Now she made her way outside and up the block. She lived

three blocks away from work and walked it quickly now.

She punched in and pulled her hat on then stopped to talk to the cook. Three girls had called out of work with the flu

and now it seemed that Cliff wanted to work tonight.

Annoyed, she decided to let Cliff keep the podium with out

arguing with him, she'd make more as a waitress for the

evening anyway. She filled her water pitcher with ice and

water from the dispenser in the back. Chatting idly with

one of the other waitresses as they filled their apron pockets with straws, pens, pencils and order forms. Shannon

slipped two boxes of crayons into her own apron and

picked up her water pitcher. She sometimes liked to give

the children of their patrons something to do while they

waited to eat. She had gotten in trouble once last week

when one child had used his crayons to color on the wall

instead of on his lunch mat. It had taken her an hour after they had closed but she had stayed and spent the time it

took to scrub that wall clean all the while happy that the

child had been entertained at least. She smiled at tonights cook, Sven a short man who spoke broken English and

made a mean sausage. He nodded in answer and turned

back to his grill without a word. She made her way out of

the kitchen and began filling water glasses on the table that had just been seated. She smiled at the couples twins and

handed them each a box of her precious crayons and made

them both promise solemnly that they would only color on

the mat's. She took their order, smiling brightly and writing clearly. She hated when people got her order wrong and

went the extra mile to make sure that wouldn't happen at

any of her tables. She had three other tables to check on

and left the first table to watch their children color while Sven worked on their order. The next table held three gay

men, two of which where more interested in each other

than their menu's and one who looked desperately bored

and terribly out of place. Shannon felt vaguely sorry for

him as she took their orders and listened to the two with

bedroom eyes making sexual comments about their

sausages. Their friend seemed to squirm in answer. The

next table held an older woman and her hard of hearing

husband to which she repeated everything in triplicate.

Each time she told him something, she told him louder until everyone in the restaurant heard her but him. In answer he

would tap his hearing hard with the tip of his elderly finger and complain about his batteries. It took a while but

Shannon got their order and reassured the woman that she

didn't mind the 11 and a half extra minutes they made her

stand there, she hadn't been counting at all. She deposited both orders at the same time and stopped to refill her water pitcher once again in the kitchen on her way to the last

table. There in the far back corner sat a man and a woman.

Distracted, Shannon walked up and filled their water

glasses, then putting the pitcher down she pulled the small pad from the front pocket of her apron. She stood poised to take their order and watched as one of the children at the

first table got dangerously close to spilling his chocolate milk on the floor. She excused herself for a moment and

rushed over to move the child's cup. His mother thanked

her and the other boy asked for a new mat to color on, since his other once was already all filled up. Before she could

answer, Sven signaled order up and she smiled brightly.

“You're dinner is ready” she announced and went to get it.

After she made sure they were set she went back to her last table and smiled warmly at the gentleman sitting there. He

told her that his dinner date was in the rest room so he

would have to wait on his order. She smiled politely and

went to deliver table two and three's dinner. Ten minutes

later she returned to find the gentleman still alone and

frowning.

“I don't know what's taking her so long” he apologized.

Shannon smiled and told him to take his time. She dealt

with two more tables of people before returning to that last table again to find it empty. Shrugging, she finished out the rest of the night and made twice what she needed in tips.

What would she do with the extra 60$? Buy art supplies,

she knew it.

They closed up promptly at 10pm and the last three

workers had to clean up shop. Sven handled his kitchen and

that was the way he liked it. Shannon and a new waitress

she didn't know yet cleaned up the dining area and

restocked the silverware and glasses for the morning crew.

Shannon double checked the condiments and paused for a

moment, feeling eerily like she was being watched. She

shook it off and finished adding ketchup to a pump tank.

She bid good night to her coworkers and stepped outside

into the cold wind and rain that was plaguing New York

tonight. She wished for a moment she had remembered her

umbrella but quickly dismissed the thought as the cab she

tried to hail splashed her with dirty icy water as it sped by.

She hated walking through her neighborhood at night and

hesitated a moment while trying to decide what to do. After a long moment in the freezing rain she decided just to walk home. It was raining after all and most of the thugs should be at home out of the rain or so she told herself. She turned and faced down the road towards her house, the rain soaked

her hair and ran down her face as it fell over her. Turning back towards the doors of the Sausage barn, her heart

dropped when she saw the lights inside were already off

and everyone was gone. Her stomach pitched in warning,

telling her just to find a phone nearby and call for a taxi but her need to get home now, out of the cold rain, prevailed.

She turned away from the doors of the restaurant and

started to walk towards home. The first block went by

without anyone else passing her on the street, as she had

presumed the rain was keeping everyone inside. It wasn't

till she turned onto the next block, the one between work

and home, that she wished she had called that cab after all.

Three men stood in a door way smoking marijuana

cigarettes and eying her steadily as she came closer. She

crossed the street to put distance between them and sent the group into fits of laughter.

“What's the matter sweetheart, never seen a real man

before?” one of them called after her. She hunched her

shoulders and pressed on, wanting nothing more than to get

home to put on dry clothes.

The men across the street continued with their comments

and cat calls until she reached the corner at the other end of the street. She turned the corner to her house and picked up her pace, almost home. She sighed happily as she came to a

stop in front of the heavy metal security door that marked

her entrance. She paused and slid her key into the slot and smiled happily to herself as she began to shove the door

open.

“Give me your purse.”

She hadn't heard the man come up behind her and had

known better than to go against the feeling in the put of her stomach. Turning slowly, she held on to the strap of her bag tightly and tried to smile at the man dressed in black who

held a knife at her throat. Swallowing hard, she struggled to find her voice.

“I need some of the cash for rent” she fought to keep her

voice steady.

“You think I give a fuck what you need?” The man stepped

forward and the foul smell of his breath stung her eyes, her stomach rolled.

“No. I don't think you care what I need at all. You

obviously need this money just as badly as I do.” she

paused, looking up and down the street for help. Seeing no

one, she licked the rain from her lips nervously and drew in a slow breath. He stepped closer, pressing the tip of the

knife into her neck. It was then that she noticed his hand

was unsteady. He was just as scared as her.

“Why do you need the money?” her eyes darted up and

down the street again. Surely if they were here much

longer, someone would help her. She watched the fire

dance in his eyes as anger heated the

strength behind the blade pushing into her skin. He seemed

to ponder her question for a moment. His own eyes darted

up and down the street now, nervously.

“Look.” he said, his voice lower.

“I just need it.”

“Tell me why.” she demanded, refusing to give in without a

fight.

“Diapers.” The word was a growl, anger and what looked

like failure, stained his skin.

“You have a baby.” Shannon smiled now, the pressure on

the knife eased slightly.

“A little boy.” Pride, clear and strong came through now.

“I can buy you a bag of diapers.” Shannon spoke softly,

kindly. The knife lowered an inch, then two.

“You'd do that for me?”

“Why not?”

“I tried to rob you.” The knife fell away completely now.

He stepped back, sadness moved into his eyes.

“A mistake, I am sure.” Shannon began to walk with him to

the end of the block where a small family run drug store

stayed open twenty four hours.

“How old is your baby?” she watched his shoulders relax

now, the knife slid into his pocket, out of view and his face beamed with pride as he smiled.

“6 days.” he paused at the door of the pharmacy.

“You gonna call the cops?” fear danced across his features

before he hid it away behind his eyes.

“No.” Shannon said softly and pulled open the door. Side

by side they walked in and down the diaper aisle.

“I appreciate this.” he said as she picked up the bag of

newborn diapers and handed them to him.

“In the future, I recommend asking instead of armed

robbery.” she smiled and stepped to the register.

“This is New York.” he said softly, looking away to make

sure no one was looking at them.

“And?”

“And you don't belong here.” he accepted the bag she

handed him.

“You are correct, Sir.” she stepped back out into the night beside him. He walked her back to the door where they had

met.

“Thanks for not robbing me.” She pushed the door open

and stepped inside, holding the door open for a moment.

“Thanks for the diapers.”

With a nod he walked off into the night without looking

back. Shannon shuttered and pushed the door closed in

front of her. That could have gone so different she told

herself and tried to shake it off as she made her way

upstairs. She closed her own door behind her and started

pulling off her wet clothes as soon as it clicked shut. The hit the button on the answering machine on her way past it

and froze when she heard her voice.

“Shannon...” she paused.

“Shannon it's Ceara. I know you know I am coming to New

York because I spoke with Dole. I hope you don't mind.

Shannon....” The machine beeped and cut her off.

“Shannon.” her voice came again.

“There are so many things I need to say to you. Please

Shannon...if you want to hear them...please ring me back

at” The machine cut her off again. Shannon deleted the rest of the messages without listening to them and climbed into

bed half naked with wet hair and pulled the blankets up to

her chin. In her ears and dreams Ceara's voice echoed long

into the night.

*~*~*~*~*

“No, I want that piece of there under that chandelier. No, no the red one goes over there next to the yellow one.” Ceara

directed the placement of her pieces and would have much

rather done it herself. She was a star now, Dryfus kept

telling her this but it didn't matter to her. Art mattered and right now they were placing her art wrong.

“Dryfus, for the love of Pete let me alone so I can set up

my show.” she barked at him and turned to watch the

placement of her favorite piece done by Shannon.

“That one is not for sale.” She decided suddenly and

watched Dryfus's smooth but fake smile slide into place.

“You can't do that.” He laughed falsely and tried to smooth her feathers.

“I can and I will.” She directed the man holding the piece

to have it repacked for shipment.

“The agreement was 28 pieces.” he reminded her in no

uncertain terms.

“You will have to do with 27.” Ceara smiled brilliantly and directed the placement of another piece.

“Why, what could possibly be so important about that one

piece.” Dryfus asked in his condescending way that she

hated. She decided to ignore him and stepped past him

again.

“I want that orange one with the red and yellow, going for

fire here people.” Ceara turned on her heel with that and

walked out of the showroom leaving Dryfus and the others

to stare at her back as she went. Once she was away from

them she stood in the window, pressing her forehead

against the glass.

It could have all been so simple, reach out to her, draw her near. She pushed her away. Why? She had asked herself

this question more times than she cared to recount. She had messed up and it was costing her everything. Shannon had

been lost, so far from home, so needy in her own way. She

had never asked her for anything, never hinted at needing

more, wanting more. Yet she had fallen for her anyway,

how could she blame Shannon for that? Wasn't it her own

hearts doing? She brushed away tears anxiously and

checked her watch. She had to walk, had to get out of here.

Outside the wind swirled and the rain fell but she didn't

care. She flung upon the outside door and flipped up the

color of her shirt, she had forgotten her coat in Dryfus's car and if she asked for it now he would throw a fit. She folded her arms over her chest against the cold and walked into the wind until she was numb. She had to find a way to fix all of this. All of it. There had to be a way. She turned down

another street walking blindly and not watching where she

was going. Dole pulled her car over and called to her but

she didn't hear him until he chased after her. The look in

her eyes was broken and somewhat wild, concerned, he

talked her into going for coffee with him. She didn't

remember the ride or even talking to him. She just sat,

dazed and falling to pieces across the table from him. He

sipped his coffee and watched her intently.

“How long have you been in love with her?”

She looked up and met his eyes, then looked away.

“I could tell you the exact moment that I realized I loved

her but it would make no difference. She will have none of

me.”

Dole ran his finger around the rim of his cup and thought

for a moment.

“When I met my Anna she was this quiet librarian type that

had never had a serious boyfriend. She was sexy, don't get

me wrong, but she was shy. We dated for well over two

months before she would even invite me into her place for

coffee and then...we actually drank coffee. She was so

serious.” He smiled at the memory.

“Then one day she came around my studio and I was inside

with one of my band mates at the time, who happened to be

female” He paused, cleared his throat.

“Her name was Nikita and she was a bad, bad girl.” He

smiled again at the memory, this time with humor dancing

in his eyes.

“It turns out that Anna thought Nikita was sitting a little close to to me at the piano and holy shit did she turn into a wild animal. I thought for certain she was going to tear

Nikita limb from limb. She probably would have if the

other girl hadn't ran like a scared little bunny.”

“The point of this story?” Ceara cut him off, impatiently.

“No real point, just a fun story.” He laughed at her scowl.

“Come on” he reached out and patted the back of her hand.

“I must have distracted you a little bit”

She shrugged.

“So” He smiled.

“How long have you been in love with my sister?”

This time she had to laugh, he was persistent.

“Since the moment I realized she was the other half of

everything I had been missing.”

“It's like finding the air after drowning your whole life, isn't it?” He smiled at her. She nodded her head and sipped her

coffee slowly, thinking.

“How do I fix this?”

“Same way everyone does.” He smiled at her.

“How's that?”

“You beg.” He laughed.

“I've tried that. She won't pay me any mind.”

“Then don't give her a choice.” He paused

“Is my sister a lesbian?”

“That is something you would have to ask her on your

own.”

“Did you sleep with her?” Now color crept up Ceara's

cheeks and he smiled, slamming his hand loudly on the

table.

“I knew it!” he exclaimed and laughed again.

“When she was a kid I would tease her...she never really

had much use for us men. Now I see why.”

Ceara frowned at him.

“I never said she was a lesbian.”

“She's in love with a woman.” He pointed out triumphantly.

She shrugged in answer.

“That doesn't mean a thing.”

“You're wrong.” He told her smugly and smiled..

“Love means everything.”

With that he flipped open his wallet and began showing her

pictures of his family.

“Where can I find her when she's moping.” Ceara asked at

long last.

“Slim sound.”

“What is that?”

“Where my studio is, she often sits behind my piano and

plays the most hauntingly beautiful things I've ever heard.”

“How do I get there?” She asked, desperate.

“I'll show you.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Are you sure you didn't see who left this?” Shannon

questioned a third neighbor and pointed at the box on her

landing.

“Nope. Wasn't here.” They had all said.

It held no label, no markings and had to have been hand

delivered. Shannon sighed and swore under her breath.

What had Dole done now she wondered and opened her

door while pushing the box inside with her knee's and shins as she went. She tossed her keys on her table and grabbed a box cutter from her art desk. She tossed her jacket over the back of her most recent purchase, a futon with a frame.

Concentrating on opening the box now, she crouched down

and ran the blade under the flap to loosen the tape. She put the cutter down on the floor beside her and opened the

flaps. Her heart stopped. Her eyes swam and her hands

stopped.

Not only was Ceara in New York but she knew where she

was.

Her heart hammered hard against her ribs. She ached to see

her, to touch her. But if Ceara couldn't love her then she

didn't want to see her. She didn't want to want her. Anger

came in place of tears now. She shoved herself away from

the box and closed the flaps back up. She pushed away

from it and paced her living room angrily.

“Who the hell is she to come here?” she asked herself out

loud.

“Who the hell is she to call my home?” she said out loud

again. No answer came. That was the problem, she had no

answers.

When the phone rang, she glared at it and decided not to

answer it. When the ringing didn't stop, she walked over

hastily and in her huff picked it up and turned it on then off quickly.

“Fuck um” she said loudly and grabbed her coat.

“Fuck um all.”

She stormed out of her apartment and hailed a cab on the

street. There was one place she wanted to go and one place

only that would make her feel better. She gave the driver

the address of slim sound and sat back and closed her eyes.

Why wouldn't she just leave her alone? Was her rejection

not good enough? When the cab stopped she paid the man

hurriedly and used her key card to get into the building. She double checked the sign in sheet and saw that Dole had left over an hour ago, that meant time alone. She sighed and

climbed into the elevator. Once the doors slid open to the

studio she started to feel herself settling down. She walked to the piano and traced its glossy finish with the tip of her finger before settling down on the bench. She flexed her

fingers and stroked the keys lightly at first, building into something wonderful. She closed her eyes and played and

played, tears streamed down over her cheeks when the

music turned sad, echoing how she felt inside. When the

elevator doors slid open Ceara and Dole stood watching her

for several long moments. Then Ceara reached out and

pressed the door close button and they began to descend

back to the ground floor.

“Why are you leaving?” He called after her as she tore out

of the elevator and back out onto the street, she didn't stop, she didn't answer and he had no choice but to let her go. He answered his cell phone on the second ring and frowned as

he looked up towards the studio windows.

“Sure honey.” He said into the phone

“I can get it on my way home” And as he hung up he had

no choice but to let Ceara and Shannon find their own way.

*~*~*~*~*

“What do you mean you can't find her?” Dryfus spoke

harshly into his phone as his assistant did his best to

comfort him over having lost Ceara in the crowds on New

York City.

“FIND HER!” he yelled into his phone and slammed it

shut. Artists, they were temperamental he knew but Ceara

was acting completely irrational. She had stood in the

center of the museum the night before, knee deep in the

fountain and completely dazed. When asked why, she said

she was trying to recapture a rain storm. Who did that? He

rolled the tension in his shoulders and drew a slim cigarette from his pocket. He hadn't gotten to the top of the heap by losing his cool. He lighted his cigarette and drug on it

deeply, exhaling with a sound of pure enjoyment he turned

to face the view from his $45,000 a month loft. He took in

the twinkle of the city lights and smiled when the door

behind him opened and his love stepped in. The artists all

thought he was a lover of men. When his wife stepped into

the room he drew in his breath harshly and smiled.

“There is my love.” She smiled and came across the room

into his arms. He smiled into her hair and held her tight.

“What is the problem you are having?” she asked him, her

French accent so thick that most didn't understand her.

“My artist has disappeared.” he rubbed the tension spot in

between his eyes with the pad of his thumb.

“No ideas?” she poured him two fingers of the brandy he

loved and came across the room with the tumbler.

“I have lot's of ideas.” He took the glass from her and drank deeply.

“Well?”

“Well?” he answered, confused.

“Where is the artist then?” she watched him thoughtfully.

He smiled at her, knowing instantly where Ceara would be.

“Hey Ty.” he said into his phone as his assistant picked up.

“I know where she is.” he pressed a kiss to his wifes

forehead and stood looking out of the twinkling lights of

New York.

“Find out where this Shannon lives. I bet you if you find

her, then we will find her. Her last name?” He thought for a long moment, then snapping his fingers he remembered.

“Connolly.” he snapped his phone shut with a strut and

smiled at his wife.

“How did you figure it out?” she asked and wove herself

around him.

“I remembered something she said to me once when I first

found you my love.”

“What was that?” She purred.

“Always follow your heart.”

*~*~*~*~*

Ceara waited until the lights snapped on in her apartment.

She waited till dusk rolled in, then the dark. She waited for her heart to steady, her hands to stop sweating, her stomach to settle. She waited. When the song came on the radio of

her rental car her heart skipped a beat

I whisper in your ear the words you want to hear. You feel the wind and it reminds you.

It happens every time.

She had heard this song before, the day Shannon had left

her.

You stop and close your eyes. You can't deny what lives inside you. Well I know it's hard to see what is meant to be when yesterday is far behind you.

“Damn it.” she said softly and pressed her head up against

the glass of the window next to her head.

Deep inside your soul knows I'll always there.

Get out, she thought inside her head. Wanted to scream it.

Yet she sat and watched the windows of her apartment like

a love sick stalker.

You made me believe the day you surrender to me

The memory will never die

The love you gave me

I'll never throw it away

The memory will never die.

Time heals all wounds doesn't it? Her heart ached, this was one wound she didn't want to heal.

The tides take a turn

Another lesson learned

I'm right here but still you wonder

What if Shannon had stayed? Fought for the way she felt

for her? Made her accept that she was in love with her? But how? She couldn't even make herself tell her how she felt.

That was it wasn't it? She had yet to admit to herself that she needed her. That she did in fact and was in love with

her.

Whenever you wake up

Whenever you gave up

All that you had for nothing at all

The bed that you lay in.

Remember you made it

And nobody's there to catch you when you fall.

How could she have been so blind? How could she not

have known? The wind blew hard as she pushed open the

door of the car and stepped out into the rain that seemed to be plaguing New York this week. She walked across the

street and looked up at her windows. Just in time to see the lights turn off. She was too late, it would have to wait.

“To hell with that.” she said out loud.

“Shannon” she yelled up at her windows, no answer came.

“Shannon, please” she desperately wanted her to come to

the window, come outside, tell her to shut up, throw a

television out the window at her, yell at her to go to hell, anything.

Her windows stayed dark.

“Shannon” she yelled again.

“The love you gave me”

“Hey lady shut up.” someone yelled.

“I'll never throw it away.”

“Come on, go away already. She don't wantcha” someone

else yelled.

Giving into her failure Ceara walked back to her car and

climbed inside. Turned the key and drove away and as she

turned the corner. Shannon stepped out from behind the

curtain in her bedroom window, from where she had

watched and listened to Ceara and whispered.

“The memory will never die.”

*~*~*~*~*

She sat at the podium of the Sausage barn and looked at her life. Reflecting like this couldn't be good for her self esteem she told herself and blew out a slow, sad breath. She sat

people as they came in but her laugher was absent. She

knew it was just hours until Ceara's show and she knew she

wasn't going to go. She had promised herself that she

would move, forget and learn to live without her.

It wasn't as easy as she had told herself it would be. It

wasn't easy at all. Ceara had left her three more messages

on her machine during the night. She had laid awake

listening to her voice echoing through the empty apartment

and it echoed in her empty heart.

How she ached.

She would not give in. She would not. When she raised her

eyes to meet those of the man who had disappeared while

placing his order days before, she stood and walked him to

his booth without speaking. He took her arm and pulled her

down onto the seat across from him.

“Shannon” he spoke softly and watched her raise an

eyebrow at him in response.

“How do you know my name?”

“How could I not?” he shook his head.

“You think I come here cause I want a crappy sausage and

poor service?” he looked down over his impeccable Armani

outfit and cocked his head at her.

“So tell me what it will take to get you to talk to her.”

Shannon stood at once.

“So that is what this is about. She sent you?”

“You love her, no?” his eyes cut right through her and she

collapsed back down onto the seat across from him.

“Yes I love her. Who are you?”

“Dryfus. I manage Ceara.”

Understanding she nodded her head.

“She told me about you.”

“Yeah?” he smiled pleased with himself.

“She said you were a snide and condescending ass who

only works for top dollar and she could probably do better.”

The smile dried up immediately.

“Well.” He considered a moment.

“She is probably right.” he shrugged.

“Why are you here Dryfus?”

“She is miserable.”

The words from a song yelled in the night echoed in her

ears.

“And? Why should I care?” She watched as people stood 4

deep at the podium and the manager gave her a dirty look

as he rushed towards her.

“Because you love her.”

Doug came to a stop in front of her.

“What do you think you are doing?” his tone was terse and

his eyes angry.

“She is having a conversation, step away.” Dryfus said in a soft, warning tone. Doug barely spared him a dirty look.

“Get off your ass and seat those patrons.” he growled at

her.

“I'm sorry. I must have miss spoke.” Dryfus stood up,

tapping Doug's shoulder.

“She was quitting.” Dryfus told him as he turned towards

him.

“She was what?”

“Quitting.” Dryfus said again and reached for her hand.

“I can't quit.” she said under her breath.

“You can.” Dryfus reassured her.

“How?” she asked as he nodded at her, reassuringly.

She took his hand and let him lead her outside.

“I assure you you will be a very rich woman after tonights

show.” Dryfus walked around his car and climbed inside.

“A very rich girl?” she shook her head.

“What does Ceara's show have to do with me?” Dryfus

reached into the car and handed her a flier for Nonnah's

hands. Shannon gasped and sat down obediently as he

steered her into the car.

“She wants to take care of you.” He pulled away from the

curb.

“I don't need her...” he cut her off before she finished the sentence.

“You can tell yourself that. But how well are you sleeping?

How well are your clothes fitting since you left her? Can

you eat?”

When she didn't answer, he shook his head and brought the

car to a stop at a red light.

“Shannon you love her. She is lost without you. Whatever

happened, can't you fix it?”

She thought for a long moment, shrugged.

“I don't know. She rejected me.”

Dryfus shook his head.

“Don't you know she would reject oxygen if she could? She

is a proud one. She has a way about her, doesn't she?

Pride...pride...” he said again, shaking his head.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To show you what love can make.”

She didn't say anything else, just sat back and watched the city fly by.

When they got to the museum he led her inside. Ty assured

him that Ceara was no where to be seen and Dryfus lead

her down the hall to the show room.

It took her breath away. She watched the lights sparkle over glass, sending colors into celebratory explosions of light.

Her heart ached as she walked silently from piece to piece.

How could she have know that it would only take 28 pieces

to change her life forever? Sometime during her

exploration Dryfus has slipped out and left her alone. She

stood in awe reading the stories Ceara had written for each piece. How they had created it together. Where the

inspiration had come from, how well they worked together.

For the first time since all this had happened, the doors on her heart flew open and emotions swamped her.

Threatening her. She stood on the verge of losing it all.

Letting her walk away, letting herself lay victim to the loss of true love. At her own hands, which made it so much

worse. She wasn't sure when the tears had begun to fall or

how long Ceara had stood there, frozen in place, watching

her. Shannon turned, heart frozen in place as she came face to face with her. She made no attempt to run this time.

“You.” Ceara said softly, stepping towards her slowly.

Shannon didn't speak, just stood, unmoving.

“You are the song that I can't find on the radio. I know all the words and I want to sing along but no matter how hard I search the stations I can't find your song.” Ceara's eyes

threatened tears. She refused them. Shook her head and

took another step forward.

“You were my hands when my own were unable to create

for me. Look at what we created Shannon, look. How could

we create anything so beautiful and not have something

beautiful inside us for each other?”

Tears fell one by one from Shannon's eyes. Echoed by

those that fell from Ceara's.

“Do you need the words? Is that it?” She stepped forward

again until she could reach out and touch her, she didn't.

“Shannon Connolly, I love you.” Ceara whispered the

words, watched as the tears slid down Shannon's face.

Shannon stepped forward into the circle of her arms,

burying her face in her shoulder she sobbed openly now but

she didn't answer her. Ceara held her tightly for a long

minute. Shannon stepped back from her then and walked

silently from the room. Dryfus watched her go and stood

silently, head hung low. Maybe it was too late for them

after all. His heart ached for Ceara. Instead of doting on her like he wanted to so desperately he walked to her and held

his cell phone to his ear as if he had no time or concern for her.

“Two hours, Babe” he told her shortly and walked away.

Right there in the middle of her show room she sat down on

the floor and sobbed like a child.

She ran, she didn't know for how long or why, she just ran.

She loved her. She fucking loved her and here she was

running from her. She had a habit of doing so. What was

she so afraid of? Leaving New York? Hell no. Since she

had come back here she had wanted nothing more than to

get the hell out and go back to Ireland. Ireland. Ceara. She was her everything and she knew it. So why run? She

stopped and stared out over the Hudson. How in the hell

had she gotten here? She turned around, hands on hips and

stared back the way she had come. She must ran for miles.

Confused, she let herself drop down on the curb to consider her options. He stepped from the car, impeccably dressed

and as neat as Dryfus himself. He walked towards her

slowly, cautiously.

“Does he pay you to do all his bidding?” she recognized

him from before her melt down.

“Most of it, yes.” he smiled in answer and crouched before

her.

“I have orders to take you anywhere you want to go. Buy a

dress, do your hair. Whatever it takes to have you ready for the show.” he told her, his eyes danced kindly.

“I can't go back there now.” she shook her head, looked

away.

“You can.” he offered her a hand, kindly.

“I don't have time.” she shook her head again.

“You do.” He assured her and walked her to the car.

“Why are you doing this for me.” she asked softly as she

held her door open for her.

“Because we all love her. She has searched for so long but

never has she been happy. Not like she is when she talks

about you.” he closed the door behind her and ran around

the car.

“I love her.” she said softly, he nodded his head and

motioned to the driver.

“I know you do. I love your hair.” he tilted his head this

way and that, studying her. He held up a finger as his phone rang.

“Oh my god Phillipe, I found her.” He told someone on the

phone. Apparently this Phillipe was going to save her head.

Whatever that meant.

“In 5.” he said and snapped his phone shut.

“In 5 what?” she asked, confused.

“That is how long it will take us to get you there.” he sunk back into the seat and congratulated himself, another great save.

*~*~*~*~*

“Doors open in 15” someone yelled. Ceara wished she was

anywhere else but here.

Shows usually meant nerves, jitters and of course, payday.

She wanted none of what she was feeling instead.

Heartbroken, miserable, lost, empty.

The list went on and on. Now she had to play nice with the

press and all the people what wanted to ask her hundreds

of questions when all she wanted was to sink into oblivion

and be lost.

She reorganized several of her pieces. Adjusted note cards.

Fidgeted with her suit jacket. Tugged at her hair and still had another 13 minutes to kill.

“Oh Shannon.” She murmured to herself and squeezed her

eyes shut for a long moment. She would not lose it again. If the woman didn't want her, then she would learn to get over it and move on. She checked her watch again. 8 minutes.

The doors swung open and her Da stepped through them.

Her heart flew to her throat as tears rushed to her eyes.

“Da!” she flew across the room into his arms where he held

her tightly.

“I missed the last one.” he offered gruffly, hugged her tight another moment.

“I'm so glad you came.”

“4 minutes.” someone yelled.

“Should we let the press in?”

“No.” Dryfus swept into the room.

“Make them beg.” he added and smiled at Bram.

“I see you made it.” he shook his hand warmly.

“I appreciate it.” Bram nodded his head and held Ceara

against his side.

“You sent for my father?” she asked, never having known

Dryfus for doing anything unselfish.

“It is a night of gifts.” he assured her and checked his own watch. She nodded her head as two waiters armed with

trays filled with flutes of champagne took their places.

Nerves washed over her as the lights snapped on over her

art and her father caught his breath.

“If only your Mum was hear to see this.” he smiled, watery.

“She would be so proud.” he held her close, looking deeply

into her eyes.

“I am so proud of you, my baby.” he held her hand proudly

as the doors were opened to the public. Buyers and press

spilled in. Her father blended into the crowd to listen

quietly while they raved about his little girl. He watched

her answer questions, easily, for over an hour. He smiled

proudly while she explained who Nonnah was. And he

knew the moment she stepped into the building. He

watched Ceara speak as Ceara. He listened to the lilt in her voice as she fielded question after question with the

patience of a goddess. He saw when her eyes found her in

the crowd and watched as the light of love bloomed into

them. He watched her recover from her falter and finish the conversation at hand. Then he watched her with pride as

she took six long strides across the show room and drew

Shannon into her arms. Flash bulbs popped around them,

countless pictures were taken as Ceara's mouth found hers

and clung.

“You may regret this.” Shannon hissed in answer, happy

feelings of contentment and wanting to protect the woman

she loved tangled in her stomach.

“Never.” Ceara reassured her. She took Shannon's hand and

held it into the air.

“Ladies and Gentlemen.” she said over the noise of the

crowd.

“I give you Nonnah's Hands.” she smiled vibrantly as the

pressed came forward in a rush to question her.

Epilogue

Ceara laid in bed holding her sides as she laughed.

“The Sausage Barn, really?” she ached from loving her all

night. Shannon lay naked, tangled with her. Their limbs as

entwined as their hearts. Shannon laughed in answer,

pressing kisses to the bare skin that was Ceara's.

“I feel so sad for you right now.” her eyes teared from

laughing. Shannon rolled slightly and bit her belly,

spreading heat through out both their belly's. Outside the

moon was high in the sky and everything was quiet.

“I missed you.” Ceara whispered.

“So you've told me.” Shannon smiled in answer.

“I missed you too.”

“Shannon.”

“Ceara?”

“Don't ever leave me again.”

“I won't.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good. Now that that is settled. Where do you want to get

married?”

“Well...I have always been partial to the O'briens tower.

Wait, what?” Shannon sat up, stared at her.

“Are you proposing to me?”

“I am, yes.” Ceara rolled off the bed and knelt down on one knee, taking her hand. She smiled and closed her eyes for

one long moment.

“Shannon Connolly, will you be doing me the pleasure of

being my bride?”

Shannon cocked her head for a second, eyes dancing

mischievously.

“How badly do you want me to say yes?” She smiled.

“Darling.” Ceara eyed her wickedly. “Say yes.”

“Or?”

Ceara lowered her head, tracing her belly with the tip of her tongue.

“Or I'll make you unable to think until you say yes.”

“Well it sounds to me like I should say no then.”

She laughed, breathless as Ceara found her swollen and

wanting. She gasped as her tongue came dangerously close

to where she wanted it.

“And if I say yes?” she asked, breathless.

“Immeasurable pleasure right now.”

Shannon laughed.

“Ceara?”

“Yes love?”

“I love you.”

“And I you my love. Well?”

Shannon laughed till she was breathless again. She brought

her eyes to hers and held.

“Yes.”

Content, Ceara pushed her back against The pillows and

traced her swollenness with the tip of her tongue.

Shannon's legs fell open and welcomed her. It was

wonderful to find herself here again. Once the passion was

banked for another rest Shannon laid her head against

Ceara's chest and sighed. The quiet of the still Ireland air contented her.

“Do you miss New York?”

Shannon shook her head.

“I'm just happy to be home.” Shannon sighed, looking

around their bedroom. Who would have thought they

would buy a house in the Irish country side not even a year after they met?

Who would have known this wonderful creature lying

beside her was her fate the day they stepped off that plane together.

“Ceara?” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“You made me believe the day you surrender to me

The memory will never die

The love you gave me

I'll never throw it away” she sang to her softly.

“The memory will never die” Ceara whispered in response.

Ceara smiled

“Shannon my love” She murmured.

“Mm?” Shannon answered, half asleep.

“We need a happier song.” She laughed lightly.

“That we do.” Shannon pondered for a long moment.

“When is Aggie due again?”

Ceara beamed with pride as she thought about her brother

and his bride already producing another O'Neill heir.

“Sometime mid august, why?”

“We should definitely get married before she has the baby

then.”

Ceara thought about this for a long moment.

“I have another show in September.” she reminded her.

“And I am going to want a honey moon.” Shannon smiled

sweetly.

“And where would you like to go then?” Ceara arched an

eyebrow at her and studied her face for a long moment.

“Anywhere you are.” Shannon whispered and Ceara smiled

and pulled her close.

“Your wish is my command.” Ceara whispered and kissed

her softly.

“Anything you want.” Ceara smiled

“Anything you need.” Shannon smiled in return.

“Always.” They whispered together and sealed their

promise with a kiss.