I Found My Heart in San Francisco Book Eighteen: Renewal

Susan X Meagher

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

And in this ridiculously short amount of time she was supposed to have become "comfortable" with her new-found wealth.

Ryan knew that Jamie was doing her best to understand how difficult this was for her, but it was beyond her ken. It was like trying to tell an orphan what it was like to have a very large, very loving family: one could easily understand the words, but have little true understanding and no real grasp of how it felt. It wasn't at all the same as really living it and knowing it.

Ryan had told no one, nor had Jamie. Not even Catherine. It wasn't that Ryan was ashamed or embarrassed. She merely wanted to get over the shock, but she was stuck. She guessed part of her problem was not having anyone to discuss it with, at least not anyone who knew what it was like not to have money.

She felt as though she had entered a realm where she didn't speak the language. And sadly, Jamie was equally as clueless when it came to being in Ryan's native realm. There was a massive gulf between the mindsets of people who never had to consider the cost of anything and those who carefully planned and saved for even relatively small purchases.

Ryan was not under the illusion that she had ever been poor. She knew that was yet another realm, a third place where she would be just as confused as she was in her present situation. But she had been happily ensconced in the lower section of the middle class, and being thrust into the lower section of the upper class without her permission was not only causing turmoil, it was actually giving her nightmares.

Not for the first time in her life with Jamie, Ryan was in the awkward position of seeking solace for something she considered upsetting, even tumultuous, which nearly every other person on earth would consider an unadulterated joy.

It wasn't that Ryan wanted sympathy. There was nothing intrinsically bad about having money. When she was young, she and Rory had an on-going fantasy where they dreamt about scraping together a dollar to buy a lottery ticket. They were fairly certain they would win, even though even at such a tender age Ryan already had a decent understanding of the laws of probability. But her childish mind allowed her to ignore the hard reality and dream of the toys she and Rory would buy once they got their hands on the dough.

In the preceding two weeks she had spent a lot of time considering her relationship with money, and she had to admit that she had never in her adult life felt she needed more than she had. Being rich had never been a goal of hers, and she was fairly certain it never would have been. She wasn't completely sure why this was so, but she suspected it had to do with the fact that she didn't like to stick out from her family any more than she already did. Being gifted in math and science had always created a small wedge between her and everyone else on both sides of her family. She loved math like it was an entity she could put her arms around, but no one in her life understood that. Now she was going to have to have yet another thing that would make her stand out from the people she most wanted to fit in with.

Ryan had flirted with the idea of creating a big scam in which she'd get everyone in the family to contribute a few bucks to the lottery. Then she'd devise a fake ticket that would miraculously win. Given the lads' lack of computer savvy and non-inquisitive natures, she was certain she could pull it off without breaking a sweat. But she knew that was taking the easy way out. It wouldn't bother her much to lie to her cousins, but she didn't think she could do it to her father. Besides, he knew her so well he'd likely be able to tell that she was hiding something.

Another idea was to send a check for the whole amount to her aunt Moira and tell her to spend most of it on her grandparents and keep the change. But she knew Moira would have as difficult a time doing that as she would, and it wasn't fair to burden her with that task.

Sister Mary Magdalene would accept every dime Ryan had to help the high school, and she knew Father Pender would not only take it, he wouldn't ask where she'd gotten it. But that also seemed like taking the easy road, something she rarely did.

Besides, even if she got rid of the money that was solely in her name, she still had Jamie's money to contend with, and that was a considerably greater sum. She had been fairly successful in convincing herself that that money was not hers, but she knew the day was coming when she couldn't continue that delusion.

So, this "starter" fortune was probably good for her, as much as she hated to acknowledge that. It was an awful lot of money, but it was nothing compared to the money Jamie would one day have. So instead of foisting it onto a third party, she had decided to learn how to live with it.

That left her trying to find someone she could talk to who would understand why she was feeling so ambivalent. The person most in her position was Jim Evans, but she was fairly certain he would have been happy to have every dollar Catherine had ever earned or inherited. Granted, he hadn't demanded anything from their divorce, but Ryan was fairly sure that was primarily because he had his own money by then.

No, there was only one person she knew who understood her background, her need to fit in with her family, and, even though she wasn't wealthy yet, she could see the Promised Land in the distance. Sarah Andrews was the only person she knew who might have some empathy with her. That was the thing that was so hard to find. She didn't want sympathy; only a fool would think people should feel sorry for her for having too much money. What she wanted was empathy, someone who understood the difficulties that having money could create.

The problem was that she was always hesitant to call Sara. She had it straight in her mind why there was still a charge between them. That part didn't worry her at all. After their disastrous rapprochement the previous fall, Ryan had done a lot of thinking and she was completely confident that things had worked out perfectly. Her infatuation with Sara was something that belonged to her youth. Her love for Jamie was mature, considered, and permanent. She was equally certain that Sara was happy with Ally. But it was impossible to long for someone like she had pined away for Sara and not feel awkward when you were in her presence. There was just too much water under the bridge.

Nonetheless, Ryan had stated on many occasions that she wanted to have an ongoing relationship with both Sara and Ally and she knew that she was the one who had to make the first move with both of them. But how to get time alone to talk on the phone?

They'd been at the O'Flaherty house for ten days now, and it was hard to get any privacy. Both Conor and Kevin had unpredictable schedules, and her father and her aunt showed up every morning to cook breakfast for anyone who wanted it. It also wasn't odd for one of her aunts to drop by for no particular reason. Since no one called before they showed up, and having the door locked was a sign of crass incivility, Ryan felt a bit like she had when she was first coming out. She'd craved some privacy to read a book she'd picked up or carefully scan the local gay and lesbian paper, but someone could walk in at any minute.

She began to understand a little better why Jamie had seemed so reluctant to stay at the O'Flaherty family home once they'd graduated from college. She wouldn't have thought she'd ever see things that way, but she was beginning to.

She knew Jamie wouldn't mind her being gone for a while; in fact, she would probably welcome it. Things had been vaguely tense between them, with Jamie disappointed in Ryan's reaction to her wealth and Ryan disappointed in Jamie's lack of understanding. They'd both been trying, but they weren't clicking.

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Ryan was in her room, playing around on her computer, while Jamie was upstairs reading one of her many new books. It was a typical early June day in San Francisco. Cold and foggy, with just enough of a mist to leave tiny water droplets on your clothing but not penetrate. The sun was probably shining brightly in the South Bay, but they were a long way from the South Bay.

Ryan put on her running shoes and by the time she got to the top of the stairs, Duffy was standing there, waving his tail excitedly. "Yes, you guessed correctly. We're going for a run." She ran her hand through his curly hair while he licked her wrist and forearm as though she were made out of Kibble.

Running the few stairs from the landing into the living room, Ryan stood in front of the chair where Jamie was sitting. "I'm gonna take Duff out for a run. Cool?"

Jamie stretched, yawned noisily, and looked her partner up and down. "I'm gonna turn into stone if I don't get up and move around. Wait for me to put some shoes on?"

Ryan's smile faded and the tiny line between her eyebrows that showed concern or puzzlement formed. "I might make a stop." Popping up onto her toes a couple of times, she added, "I've got some things to work out."

Jamie settled back into her chair and spent another few moments looking carefully at Ryan's face. "That's fine. Are you sure you want to take Duffy? I could take him over to the park if you want to be alone."

Now Ryan's smile was wide and confident. "I'd like to take him. But if you want company…"

"No, I'm good." She put her legs up over the arm of the chair and nestled down into the worn seat. "I don't really care if I turn to stone."

Ryan leaned over and kissed her, feeling Jamie's arms encircle her neck and hold her down for a few seconds. Reading the signal, she said, "We should take a shower together when I get back. Would you like that?"

"Sure would," Jamie purred, showing her most seductive smile. "Hurry back."

With a slight frown, Ryan said, "I can't promise that. I'm going to try to get out of this funk. That might take a while."

Jamie cupped her butt, patting it a couple of time. "Stay out as long as you need. Just come back horny."

Ryan turned, nearly tripping over Duffy who was anxiously waiting right behind her. "Most women wouldn't send their girlfriends off with that instruction."

"Too bad for them. My girlfriend is a woman of supreme integrity."

"And of supreme grouchiness."

"Nah. You've been much, much worse." Jamie blew a kiss, which Ryan acted like she had to jump to field.

"Got it." She kissed her right hand and bowled the kiss back. "Love you."

"Ditto. Take your time, but call if you're not going to be home for dinner."

"Will do." She followed Duffy to the front door, affixed his collar, and they took off, bounding down the narrow stairs that led to the street. Duffy pranced to his right and then his left, looking for an indication from his master. When Ryan took her cell phone out of the pocket of her nylon vest, he sat down, mildly disappointed, watching her every move.

She speed dialed a number, then waited for an answer for few rings.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sara. It's-"

"Siobhán. How are you?"

Ryan both loved and hated that Sara's soprano voice, paired with using her given name, served to give her a powerful sense memory of her mother. It was like a kick in the teeth every time it happened, but she was slightly better prepared this time. She took in a breath and tried to sound casual. "I'm okay."

Concern colored Sara's voice. "Just okay? That's not like you."

"Busted. To be honest, I'm not good. I need to talk to someone, and you're the person I think would best understand what I'm going through. Do you have any free time?"

"I'll always make time for you. When's good?"

"Now." Ryan laughed at herself. "I think I'm supposed to say 'whenever is convenient for you' or something like that, but I've got some stuff I've-"

"Quit wasting time explaining. I'm at the office but I can leave right now and meet you anywhere you want."

"Oh damn. It's Friday, isn't it. I forgot."

"Boy," Sara said, laughing, "you really are taking the summer off."

"I don't want to screw up your day. We can do this later."

"No, it's fine. I've been here since seven, and I'm getting glassy-eyed. Ally's coming to my house at six, so I'm free until then. Where do you want to meet?"

"That's a good question. I have Duffy with me and we both need some exercise."

"Fine. You two go for a run to the Marina. That'll tire you both out. Come to my apartment and I'll have water for you both. You can have yours in a glass."

Ryan's brain was bombarded with images of being with Sara in Berkeley and having a near-fatal lapse in judgment when they kissed. She also recalled promising never to be alone with her again, or something to that effect, but Jamie might have said that wasn't necessary, or something like that.

"Ryan?"

"Oh! Sorry. I was working out logistics."

"Wanna meet somewhere else?"

"I can't think of anywhere…"

"Your house?"

"No. Not good."

"My office?"

"No. I've got Duffy." She thought of the solution, then said, "Your place is fine. Remind me of the address."

"Oh, right. You've never been there. I'm in the only four-story building on the corner of Prado and Scott. Do you know where that is?"

"I know Scott."

"Just head down Scott; you'll cross Prado. I'm just a couple of blocks from the Marina. Are you sure this is cool?"

"Very. I'll be there in…I don't know how long."

"I've run there from my parents' place, so I have a guess. See you soon."

"Right." Disappointing Duffy, Ryan ran back up the stairs.

Jamie looked up from her book. "Forget something?"

"Yeah." Her face was flushed and she knew she had to get out what was on her mind quickly. "I want to talk to Sara, and the only place we can meet is her apartment. Is that okay?"

Jamie got up and stood right in front of her, rubbing Duffy's head with one hand while the other arm went around Ryan. "Of course it's all right. Do what you need to do."

Ryan looked down into eyes so filled with sympathy and trust that she almost choked up. "Thank you." She kissed Jamie gently then started for the door again, thinking that even though her partner was too polite to say it, she bet Jamie now hoped she wasn't too horny when she came home.

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It wasn't that great a distance to the Marina, but it was up and down some thigh-cramping hills, just the kind of workout that helped Ryan center herself. She was much less edgy when she rang the bell and heard Sara's voice call out through the intercom, "Come on up."

Duffy had been lagging for the last quarter mile, but he gamely shot up the stairs, not having any idea where he was headed. Ryan let his leash drop and by the time she got to the apartment, Duffy was licking Sara's face, his big paws resting on her waist.

Sara looked fantastic, so good that Ryan was surprised she'd come from work. Sara had always had great arms, and the sleeveless sweater she wore showed them in all their glory. She looked more like a designer or a fashion magazine editor than a lawyer, and Ryan had to focus to distract herself from staring. She decided to tend to Duffy, whom she'd let misbehave for too long. "You don't have to let him do that, you know. I can control him."

"I like him." She tilted her face and Duffy attacked her ear, making her squeal, "I don't like him that much!"

"Duff! Down!" the dog's four paws hit the ground, but he whimpered at the loss of his best friend in the whole world-whom he'd met two or three times.

Ryan approached the door and hesitated, unsure how to greet Sara. They moved together and exchanged tentative kisses on the cheek, with Ryan breaking the slight tension by saying, "You smell like dog."

Sara gave her a playful push into the apartment. "Come on in and have a drink." Duffydashed into the place, poking his nose into the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen before he dove for the cereal bowl Sara had filled with water and placed on the floor. "Your dog's a lot like you," Sara said, smiling at Ryan. "No nonsense."

"True." Ryan took the glass Sara handed her and gulped down the cool water. She handed it back. "More, please."

"That's the biggest glass I have, but I was certain it wouldn't be big enough."

After two more refills, Ryan put the glass on the counter and said, "Can I have a tour?"

"Sure. It won't take long. This is the kitchen."

"Got it. Nice." they went into the living room. "Nice again. Your good taste is showing. It doesn't look like your mom's house at all." She slapped her hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean that like it sounded."

Sara smiled warmly. "I know how you meant it. My mom's stuck in the Eighties-lots of powder blue and rose. I wanted a more modern look."

"It's really nice."

"It's all from the usual design stores people our age shop at. I don't have the time or the inclination to really do my own decorating; I figure the gay guys at the big chains can do that for me."

"You've always had a good eye for color. If it weren't for you, I never would have figured out what colors look best on me."

Sara sat on a sleek brown leather chair that rocked when she leaned over to set her glass down on a small table. She winked and said, "If not for me, you would've worn sweats and T-shirts every minute you weren't wearing a uniform."

"True. I didn't know girls were supposed to have a style. I didn't know what a style was. My aunts were always trying to get me to wear things they liked, but you were my role model."

"That's a nice thing for you to say. I just spent more time looking at fashion magazines than you did."

Ryan was sitting on the edge of the sofa. "Any amount of time would have been more than I spent."

"You look like you're perching. What's wrong?"

"Can I stretch for a minute? I know they say it's not helpful, but I always feel better if I stretch after a run."

"Sure." She looked more carefully at Ryan's limp shirt. "I'll get you a dry shirt."

"I'm okay…" Ryan called as Sara left the room.

She was back in a moment, holding up a shirt that advertised a bar in North Carolina. "One of Ally's. She only keeps T-shirts and a toothbrush here."

Ryan took the proffered shirt and went into the bathroom. After changing, she did her stretching in the small room, just getting her hamstrings and calves loosened up. "Much better," she said as she went into the kitchen for another refill of water. Duffy was right next to her, and he followed her into the living room, but as soon as Ryan sat down, he went over to Sara and flopped down at her feet.

"Duff isn't in great shape right now," Ryan explained. "He hasn't been running regularly and I think I stressed him too much today. I've got to ease up on him."

"Are you in the city now?"

"We have been." Ryan took a drink. "I'm not sure we'll stay. It's not perfect having Conor and Kevin there. It's more like a fraternity house now that Da's gone and women are allowed to stay over."

"Eww." Sara made a face. "That must be weird."

"It is. I don't know why, but I don't like knowing that Conor's in Da's room knocking boots with some stranger. It's really ridiculous of me, but it makes me grouchy." She shrugged and took another drink. "Of course, I've been so grouchy anyway that it's hard to tell what's due to what."

"So, tell me about this grouchiness. That's not like you."

"If you don't think I get grouchy, your memory is failing." Ryan smiled fondly at her.

"No, no, you do, but not for long. You tend to work things out."

"Right. But I've been having trouble with this one. Ready?"

"Sure. Hit me."

Once again Ryan perched on the edge of the sofa. "When Jamie was taking a business course, she and I had a stock picking game. We played it for fun, but we were both pretty competitive."

"You? No!" Sara feigned shock.

"Yeah. Hard to believe, but Jamie's almost as competitive as I am. Anyway, on the night I graduated she told me that she'd actually bought the stocks I picked. She bought her own portfolio, too, but she bought mine in my name." the look on Ryan's face was one of raw outrage.

"You look like you want to kick something. Why did that make you mad?"

"She didn't have my permission!"

"So? She's got money and she wanted to make the game real. It was probably easier for her to get into it with real money."

"Not for me!" Ryan's eyes were blazing. "I never, ever would have thrown money away like that. It's institutional betting! I'd feel more secure playing poker at a casino."

"Ryan, I'm not sure what's really going on. This doesn't sound like you. You seem really angry at Jamie for doing something pretty benign. She gave you a gift, right? Am I missing something?"

"I'm rich!" Ryan got to her feet, making Duffy jump up and start barking, at what, he did not know. "Shh," she said, patting him gently. "Sorry I woke you up. Good boy. Go lie down. Go on."

He didn't move until she sat down and stayed quiet. He went back to Sara, but he kept giving Ryan the fish eye for another minute before he put his head down and went back to sleep. Ryan purposely spoke in a calm tone. "Between Jamie and my father and my dog, I don't get to have a private thought."

"Okay," Sara said with finality, "how much money are we talking about? Billions?"

Ryan's head shot back a couple of inches. "No!"

"Then millions."

Now she just looked abashed. "No, not millions. Not even a million." She shook her head mournfully. "Listen to me; I even talk like a rich person. As if a few hundred thousand dollars isn't a huge deal."

"You were rich before, weren't you? You and Jamie share money, right?"

"Yeah, in a way. Jamie thinks we share, but I don't. I try to live like I always have."

"How can you do that?"

"It's not easy. I do most of the shopping, and I have to buy those French and Italian cheeses and cold cuts and olives. Nice bottles of wine…" She made a face.

"You don't like that stuff?"

"Sure, it's delicious, but I wouldn't buy it for myself. I wouldn't order carry-out like we do, either. I could live on fifty dollars a week."

Sara nodded, like she was starting to get the picture. "So you've had access to money, but you don't spend it like it's yours."

"Right. It's Jamie's and I spend it on her. I haven't bought a pair of shoes all year, mainly because I don't want to spend her money. I'm itching to get back to work so I can have my own money again."

"But I thought you were taking a year off."

"We are." Ryan hung her head, looking defeated. "I don't want to, but I promised."

"So you've got too much money and too much time off."

Annoyed, Ryan looked up and snapped, "I know I'm an idiot. This isn't the first time in my life that I've complained about something that anyone else would kill for."

Sara got up and moved across the room, accompanied by a dog who looked like he was rolling his eyes in frustration. She sat on the sofa and put her hand on Ryan's shoulder. "I don't think you're an idiot. I know you. I can only guess how much you hate not being able to work."

"I do!" Ryan looked at her, eyes wide. "I know it's nuts, but I want to work!"

"Poor you." Sara patted her shoulder and Ryan fought the urge to seek solace in a hug. "Your father instilled the work ethic into you from the time you could talk. It must drive you mad to rely on Jamie for money."

"I don't rely on Jamie; I just don't buy the things I want. Eventually Jamie will notice that my shoes are falling apart and she'll buy me a hundred pairs." She said this as if she was expecting a beating. Finally she looked into Sara's dark brown eyes and asked, "Do you understand at all?"

"I do," Sara soothed. "I understand. I'd have a very hard time letting Ally support me."

"Even if she was rich?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's more about me than her. I like having my autonomy."

"Exactly!" Ryan showed her first genuine smile of the afternoon. It was small and brief, but it was genuine. "I need to work. I need to earn my keep. And having Jamie hand me a ton of money is like her giving me money for doing nothing. I hate that!"

"Well, it's not for nothing. You picked the stocks. People do earn a living doing that."

"Yeah, I know, but it was supposed to be a game. She tricked me."

"Would you have played if you'd known?"

"Hell, no!"

"I rest my case. She wanted to play and she got more of a charge out of it by playing with real money. She must have seen that you were doing well and she wanted to capture the profit. Rich people get rich by recognizing and taking advantage of opportunity, Ryan. It's in their genes." She grinned playfully.

"Yeah. Her ancestors got rich off immigrants. They were in coal. I wonder how many cases of black lung her money accounts for."

"You're getting a little dark, pal." Sara put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her. "You can't blame her for what her relatives did. Some of my dad's ancestors owned slaves."

"My ancestors were slaves," Ryan said, a sly grin forming. "Well, indentured servants."

Sara sat quietly for a few moments, then she said, "Do you want my opinion?"

"Yeah. That's why I came. Hit me."

"I think you're in danger of making this a wedge issue between you and Jamie. I can't imagine you want that, but listen to yourself."

"What?" Ryan's brow was furrowed and it was clear her hackles were up.

"Siobhán," Sara said, her voice soft and gentle. When Ryan's posture started to relax she continued, "Really listen to yourself. You make it sound like money is dirty, like it's something that'll harm you."

"I think it is," Ryan said, interrupting. "I honestly do."

"Money's not bad. People might use it badly but money is just a thing. In the right hands, it can fix things and make people more secure, more comfortable. Your view is so dark. Why?"

Ryan got up and walked to the window. Duffy lazily looked up, but seeing she was only a few feet away, he put his head back down. The view was limited, mostly the side of another building, but Ryan was able to see a sliver of water in the distance, and she focused on it. "I haven't seen much good come from this kind of money. So many people use it to oppress others. I don't want to be in the group of people who make their problems go away by waving money at them."

"That's ridiculous," Sara said, making Ryan turn and stare at her. "Bad people with money are dangerous. Good people with money can make the world a better place. I know that's something you want to do. Why not use this as another tool?"

"I didn't earn it," Ryan said, her voice almost breaking.

"Yes, you did. You earned it fair and square, doing the same thing that everybody on Wall Street does. Give it up, Ryan. You're being childish about this and you're going to mess things up if you persist in this attitude. Nobody likes to feel that you think you're superior to them. That includes Jamie."

"I don't think I'm superior to Jamie!"

"If I were Jamie, I'd be furious with you. She gave you this fantastic opportunity to have your own money and you act like she gave you a venereal disease."

"She doesn't think that." A look of uncertainty crossed her face. "I don't think she does."

"Here's the truth: with or without money, you're the same person. Not everyone in your family will believe that. Your father will probably have a hard a time with it; some of your cousins will make a big deal about it. So don't tell them. It's no one's business that you have this money. Live like you've always lived, but respect Jamie's lifestyle too."

"I try to," Ryan said quietly. "But it's so, so different from mine."

"It's the same for her. She seems awfully down to earth to me. Has she cut back on her spending to make you happy?"

"Yeah, she has." Ryan's head dropped and she glumly looked at the floor.

"Who has compromised further, her or you?"

"She has." Ryan looked up briefly. "She loves to travel and go out to nice restaurants. I fight to stay home."

"You've got to stop. I know you, and I know your needs are simple, but hers aren't. Be respectful of that. This isn't all about you; it's about the two of you as a couple."

"You're right, you're right, you're right." Ryan slid down the wall, her Lycra leggings letting her glide along the surface until she was crouched down so far her butt was resting on her heels. "I'm such a jackass."

"You don't like change. You never have. I understand this is hard for you, but you've got to think about what's best for Jamie, too. So take the money and do something positive with it. Just stop whining!" She said it with a smile, but Ryan knew she meant every word.

Nodding her head a few times, Ryan tensed her thighs and slowly pushed upward. "Got it." She extended her fist and Sara bumped it with her own.

"Just for the record, it's been an adjustment for me to make the kind of money I'm making."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I make more than my dad does and that's weird."

Ryan started to stretch her arms over her head, limbering up for the run home. "How do you handle it?"

"Since my parents don't know what I make, it's not a very big deal, but if I stay in this job I'll make a whole lot more. I'm sure I'll blow most of it on vacations and massages and expensive wine, like most of the partners, so it'll be obvious over time."

"I'll go halvsies with you on a yacht." the sparkle was back in Ryan's eyes.

"We'll see. Maybe I'll tag along with Jamie on some of that travel she hasn't been getting."

"And I'll stay here with Ally and work out. We could all be happy."

"I want my big girl with me. And I think you'd go nuts without Jamie after two days."

"Probably one," Ryan admitted. "'Tis desperate." She shook her arms out and rocked up onto her toes a few times. "I'd better get going. Jamie will want to know what I want for dinner. She likes to shop right before she cooks."

"Does she cook every night?"

Ryan smiled contentedly. "Yeah. It's great."

"For you," Sara said, giving Ryan a pointed look.

Her smile evaporated. "Right. That's right." Shaking her head again, she said, "Relationships are a full time job."

"So concentrate on your job and do it well. You've got the time and all of the tools. Get busy, O'Flaherty."

Ryan patted her leg and Duffy got up and moved to her. He sat down, waiting for her to put his leash on. "I will." She clipped him in and gave Sara a one-armed hug. It was very brief, the kind of hug she'd give someone she barely knew, but it let her feel in control, something she was determined to do while resuscitating their relationship. "Thanks for your time." She stepped back and added, "I appreciate that you made time to talk to me."

"I always will. I really like that you knew you could call. That's a good sign."

"Really good." Smiling happily, Ryan moved toward the door. As she walked out she said, "We'll be in touch."

Sara lightly placed her hand on Ryan's shoulder. "One more thing."

"Yeah?" they were standing close to each other in the doorway, a little too close for Ryan's comfort. But they'd always kept only a small amount of personal space between them, and to step back would have looked rude.

"You have a tendency," Sara began, "just a small tendency…" she put her thumb and forefinger an inch apart, "to ascribe good motives to the less wealthy and bad motives to the rich. You might want to reconsider that position."

Ryan looked into warm brown eyes, searching them carefully. "Do I really do that?"

"Yeah. You have since you were a kid."

Muttering under her breath, Ryan said, "That's not a good trait, considering the family I'm marrying into."

"No. I'd think not."

"It's tough. I've just had so many nasty interactions with people who think they can buy me or pay off the little people who get in their way."

"I realize that. But think about your da's father. Think about Michael's father. You can be a very bad person and as poor as dirt. Rich people don't have a monopoly on evil. There's plenty to go around."

"Right." Ryan looked at Sara and shrugged. "I've got my work cut out for me."

"Call me anytime you need a reminder."

"Will do."

Sara moved closer and gently kissed Ryan's cheek. The spot grew warm and Ryan could feel a wave of heat rise in her cheeks.

"I'll count on it, Siobhán." Sara pulled away and Ryan grasped Duffy's leash, letting him propel her down the stairs and out of the range of Sara's primal pull on her very being.

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The front door of the O'Flaherty house opened and Duffy burst through, scampering up the stairs and into the living room where he bounced against the chair and began to joyously lick Jamie's face. By the time Ryan got there, Jamie was giggling and pushing the frantic dog away. "Stop him!" she begged.

Ryan could have easily done so. Instead, she got down on her knees and joined the game. Looking puzzled, Duffy cast a glance at her then went back to his task. Ryan was a little gentler and expelled a lot less saliva. Her technique was to burrow her nose into Jamie's armpits, then against her belly, anywhere she could go to make her laugh. Deciding that Jamie had had enough, Ryan sat on her haunches then tapped Duffy on his. She had to poke him a few times, but he finally got the message and sat back, staring at Jamie with his huge dark eyes.

"Only one of you is evil." Jamie scratched under both of their chins, drawing smiles. "You both know better, but you know better than he does." She patted Ryan's head. "Luckily, I love you both." She leaned over and put both arms around Duffy's neck and tossed him back and forth in a raucous hug. He turned, pulling Jamie off the chair then the two of them rolled around on the floor for a moment, with Ryan laughing at their antics.

"I don't want to break up the party, but I'm going to go down and shower." She gave Jamie a lecherous gaze. "I could sure use some help."

Jamie released her hold on Duffy and let Ryan pull her to her feet. "I was hoping you'd come home dirtier than normal."

They all went downstairs together, but only two of them were allowed into the bathroom.Jamie spent a moment peeling Ryan's wet running clothes off of her, then she got into the shower and adjusted the temperature. Ryan joined her, bringing her toothbrush. While Jamie continued to adjust the water, Ryan wet her brush and gave her teeth a thorough cleansing.

"I don't know why brushing my teeth in the shower doesn't appeal to me, but it really doesn't," Jamie commented

"It's much more efficient to do it this way, then you can rinse the foam off."

Ryan stood in front of the water and Jamie watched the bubbly white rivulet roll down her face. "I know you have a point-you always do-but to me, brushing belongs in front of the sink. I don't think I can change. Besides, I brushed mine after lunch."

Ryan leaned down and kissed her, then she pulled away and said, "You still taste fresh."

"You taste fresher." With the water raining down on them and the fresh scent of toothpaste still in the air, Jamie slipped her hands up Ryan's back and pulled her close. She tilted her head and kissed her several times, each time putting a little more energy into it. She finally pulled away, her eyes half closed.

"You look so sexy when you're kissing me," Ryan murmured. "You get a little half smile and you look like you're going to do something that you're really looking forward to."

"Truer words..."

Ryan took the bar of soap and lathered her partner up, with several detours to harden her nipples. Jamie returned the attention, spending a little longer than was absolutely necessary to clean Ryan's most private parts. Ryan would have been very happy to complete their lovemaking right there, but Jamie stopped and began to rinse both of them with the handheld attachment.

"We're stopping?" Ryan asked, sounding just a little pathetic.

"We're just starting, silly. Don't be in such a rush."

Once they were well rinsed, Jamie grabbed a towel and put it around her shoulders then took another and started to dry Ryan off. When they were both reasonably dry, she opened the bathroom door, finding, as expected, Duffy lying right in front of it. "You tired your poor dog out."

"I know I did. We came home pretty slowly. He's really gotten out of shape just going on walks and occasional runs with Conor. I'll have to take it a little easier on him."

Jamie pulled out the hairdryer and started to work a wide comb through Ryan's hair while she blew it dry. This was Ryan's favorite part of the shower. She leaned over and let Jamie comb her hair straight forward, getting the back thoroughly dry. It took quite a few minutes but once she was done, Ryan stood and tossed her hair back and it settled against her shoulders, fluffy and model beautiful. "I love the way you dry my hair. You do a much better job than I do."

"I love to comb you hair. I could be a hair stylist if I could only have you as a client. Now I have to do my mine."

"Want me to do it?"

"No thanks. Mine takes a certain amount of technique now that I'm trying to grow it out. I have to account for a couple of cowlicks that will show up if I don't dry it the right way."

Ryan sat on the edge of the tub and watched Jamie concentrate on getting her hair just right. "It's going to be messed up in about two minutes. A waste of time if you ask me."

"No it's not. If I get it right, I only have to comb it after you've thoroughly messed it up." She turned and gave Ryan a lascivious wink which didn't look very lascivious all. There was something about her wink that made her look about six years old.

When they were both completely clean and dry, they went into the bedroom and got under the sheet. It was still very chilly in the room, but Ryan was fairly certain their body heat would eliminate the need for a quilt.

Ryan's leg automatically slid between Jamie's. Jamie put her hand on the small of Ryan's back and pulled her close. Their heads were on the same pillow, their faces mere inches apart. "Want to tell me about your day?"

"Sure. I'll tell you about it over dinner. But I can say that I made a very good choice in talking to Sara. She was the right person at the right time. And," she said dramatically. "I'm giving myself bonus points for coming back into the house and telling you that's where I was going."

Frowning slightly, Jamie said, "You don't have to get permission from me to see whomever you want."

"This isn't about you; it's about me. Seeing Sara is always charged for me. And when I'm doing something that has an emotional charge, it's best for me to tell you I'm doing it. I don't like to feel like I'm going behind your back."

Jamie disentangled herself and rolled over, lying on her belly. "You can go behind my back now. I need a massage. Sitting in a chair for what…six hours?...wasn't the most intelligent thing I could have done with my day."

Ryan started to work on her partner's stiff muscles. "Did you have a good day?"

"An excellent day. I read a book that really pulled me into it. I felt like I was living in the royal court in St. Petersburg during the time of Nicholas the Great. It was a fantastic day."

Ryan didn't really understand. She'd rarely read anything that had actually made her feel like she was somewhere else. But she believed Jamie and was glad that she had a hobby that was so fulfilling for her. She was thinking about that, and about their differences, when she noticed Jamie scooting up the bed, indicating that Ryan's hand should go a little lower. As her hands started to knead Jamie's shapely ass, Ryan smiled, thinking that the things that brought them together were much more fun than the things that separated them.

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About a half-hour later, Ryan woke at the sensation of Jamie trying to creep out of bed. "Where you going? I'm not done with you."

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jamie turned and raised an eyebrow. "Really? The fact that you were asleep led me to think you were not only done, you'd moved on to another activity."

"Just a catnap. Two or three minutes is all I needed." She held her hands out. "Come back to me."

Jamie leaned back and gently rubbed Ryan's warm belly "It's getting late. I've got to get to the store. How many do you think we'll have for dinner?" As she spoke, they heard the front door open and at least two sets of footsteps climb the stairs as the front door slammed.

Ryan said, "I can't tell who that is." She sat up and listened carefully. It sounded as though the footsteps stayed in the living room then stopped. "That's Kevin and somebody else. If it was Conor, he would've gone into his room."

"Good deducing. I think you're right. I'll go get a head-count."

Ryan dove for her, wrapping both arms around Jamie's waist. "Don't go.'

"I have to. I can't have three or four sets of hungry eyes staring balefully at me right at six o'clock."

"Tonight there will only be one set of eyes staring at you, and they're not going to be full of bale." Ryan looked little uncertain about that last word.

"What do you mean?"

"We, you and I, are going out to dinner."

"We are?" Jamie said excitedly.

She said it was so much enthusiasm that Ryan felt like a tremendous jerk. Jamie truly got a lot of enjoyment out of going out to dinner, and the only reason they didn't go was because Ryan didn't care for it. She realized once again that when they had a difference of opinion, Jamie almost always deferred. That just wasn't right, and Ryan vowed to rededicate herself to changing the dynamic.

"We're not only going out, we're going out to a real restaurant-silverware, cloth napkins, tablecloths." She said this with great élan.

Jamie jumped to her feet "Tablecloths?" She joyously hopped around in a circle.

"And real servers-people who know what's on the menu and how stuff is made."

Putting her hand to her chest, Jamie stumbled around as though she were having a spell. "What's gotten into you?"

"I decided to be thoughtful for a change. We're going to a new place your mom likes. She got us reservations, something I think I would've had a tough time doing."

Jamie knelt on the bed and took Ryan's face into her hands. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. The fact that you not only are willing to go, but that you called my mom to find a good place really means a lot to me."

She leaned all the way over and kissed Ryan several times, her heartfelt enthusiasm making Ryan feel like an even bigger idiot. But she fought through it and reminded herself not to wallow in self rebuke. If she was going to do something nice for Jamie, she had to just do it and get over it.

"We're going at seven. Is that too early?"

"Seven is perfect. How dressed up should I get?"

"It's in SoMa. Your mom said it will be filled with people from the nearby art galleries wearing black. Does that tell you enough?"

"That tells me everything I need to know." Jamie leaned down and gave Ryan one last smooch, then hurriedly put on her discarded clothes and went up to tell whomever was in the living room that they were going to have to fend for themselves.

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At seven-thirty, Jamie looked over her wineglass, smiling at Ryan. "You look lovely," she said for the fourth time.

Ryan smirked. "Then why did every guy and a couple of women turn and watch you walk ahead of me?"

"They were just trying to make sure they had enough room to get behind me to grab you." "Not a chance. They knew who the beauty was, and so do I." "I still say they were all looking at you." "Only to figure out why you were completely dry and my suit was covered with droplets of

rain. I could just see people trying to figure out whether I was walking on a different side of the

street and got caught in a tiny storm."Jamie laughed and squeezed Ryan's hand. "Silly girl. You'd be dry if you'd used an umbrella." Ryan made a sour face. "I hate umbrellas. They're bulky and they drip all over the place. I

always leave the little ones somewhere, and the big ones are a pain.""You could have worn your rain jacket." With an even more sour look, Ryan said, "I can't wear a bright nylon rain jacket over my nice

suit." She ran her hand down a lapel. "That would look way stupid. I should have a real raincoat." Jamie's eyes saucered. "Are you seriously considering buying non-sports related clothing?" Ryan's smile was sickly. "Yes, Jamie, I am. I want to look like an adult, and adults have

raincoats. I can get one on the Internet." "No you can't. Your arms are too long to just order one that will fit."Ryan took a sip of her drink, something from the specialty drink menu that contained

several types of liquor and some cranberry juice. The choice had surprised Jamie, but she liked

that Ryan was trying to find a drink that suited her. "I suppose you have a solution to that?""You know I do, so stop playing cat and mouse and tell me what kind of raincoat you want." Ryan's forehead furrowed for a few minutes, and Jamie could almost see the thoughts

running through her head, with color and style and length all zipping along. "I want one like private detectives wear in old movies." Blinking slowly, Jamie reminded herself that she and Ryan thought about fashion in

different ways. "Okay. What color?" "I don't know. The movies were in black and white." Trying not to laugh, Jamie led her along. "You can have any color you want. Khaki is kinda

standard, but you can have anything from off-white to black."

"Hmm." Ryan took another sip of her drink, clearly thinking. "Let's go black." She put her drink down and quickly added, "But make sure it's got those flaps up here," she patted the spot right above her breast, "and a belt."

"You want a traditional trench coat." "Whatever. Just don't make it too warm. I don't want lining or anything." "Honey," Jamie said, again trying to make sure her voice didn't betray how funny she found

this, "you have to have lining. But I'll make sure it's very lightweight. I know you'll want to wear

it all year.""Yeah, I will. I love my winter coat, but I can only wear it when it's really cold outside." "I understand completely: lightweight, black, and traditional." "Make sure it has stuff like buttons and flaps and a belt," Ryan said, looking very serious.Making sure the smirk she felt didn't show, Jamie nodded solemnly. "So, tell me about your

talk with Sara."

Ryan took another sip, then set the glass down. She leaned back in her chair and adopted the expansive posture she always assumed when she was going to tell a story. Her chest stuck out and her head cocked a little bit to the side. "Like I said earlier, I made the right choice. But if I'd known what Sara was going to say, I never would have gone there." She allowed a sly half smile.

"More," Jamie insisted. "Well, if I had to tell you what she said in just a few words, I'd say she kicked my butt." "Really? Sara?"

"Yeah. Surprised the heck out of me. I went to see her because I wanted to talk to somebody who's known me for a really long time, someone who knows how I am about money. But I also wanted someone who wouldn't think I was crazy for not wanting a big pile of money set in front of me."

"And Sara didn't do that?"

"No, she didn't. She told me that I was mistreating you and that I had to change to be your partner."

"Really?" Jamie's mouth fell open.

"Yup. And hearing that from Sara, the one person I knew would be on my side, really knocked some sense into me." She took another sip of her drink. "I'm just going to have to suffer through being doused in dough. I'm sure all of the orphans living on twenty-five cents a day will feel very sorry for me." Her smirk was back in full force.

"That's not being fair to yourself. I know this is a continual adjustment for you and I know you're doing your best."

"Not really." Ryan's earnest face drew closer to Jamie's. "I haven't done my best. You've been incredibly patient with me, and I haven't made the effort to meet you halfway. I'm going to try harder."

Beaming, Jamie put her hand on Ryan's and squeezed it tightly. "Thank you. We've had a busy, traumatic, tumultuous year, baby, and I think you've done your best-even if you don't. But I would like to feel that I can spend some money and not have to apologize for it."

"Name it. What would you like?"

"Mmm… I'd like to travel a little bit." When she saw Ryan's eyes widen, she added, "Nothing big. I'd like to go to Pebble Beach for a few days. I want to get away so we can have some privacy."

"Living with the boys isn't great for you, is it?" Ryan looked both sad and resigned.

"It's fine! It's nice to be with your brother and your cousins. They bring a lot of life to the house. But I need time alone, too."

"I understand. We'll make plans to go away."

"I was thinking we'd go tomorrow," Jamie said with a touch of hesitation.

"Tomorrow? That's so…soon."

"Yeah, it is, but we don't have any commitments."

Ryan held up a finger. "I have one, a big one. I want to make sure Jennie gets settled in summer school. Can we go after that?"

"When does she start?"

"Monday. Did I tell you I made an appointment to talk to Robin Berkowitz on Monday morning?"

"Nope. Why do you want to talk to your old advisor?"

Ryan's smile was guileless. "I want to start planning for the future. I thought she might have some ideas that can help me focus."

"That's the last thing you need help with."

"I'm just reviewing my options. After I talk to her I'll spend a bit of time with Jen, then we can leave whenever you'd like." She grinned beguilingly.

"That's very flexible of you." Jamie smiled and leaned closer, saying quietly, "I want you to stay flexible so I can tie you into knots when we get to Pebble Beach."

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They had put the car in the restaurant's valet parking, and while they were waiting for it to be delivered, Jamie puzzled over why Ryan was always not just willing, but determined not to park on the street. "Why don't you mind spending money on valet parking? I'm always a little surprised when you don't want to hike a mile or two."

Ryan looked down. "One, when we go out, you always wear nice shoes, shoes that I can't imagine are comfortable to walk in. Two, if we ever had to run, you're a real disadvantage. Sorry, baby, but you just can't keep up with these long legs." She held up her hand and was just about to touch her third finger when Jamie interrupted.

Laughing, she said, "It's just a restaurant reservation. We can be a few minutes late. We don't have to sprint." A pall of sadness that Jamie hadn't seen in quite a while settled onto Ryan's face.

"I don't ever leave my car somewhere if I'm not confident I could run away from trouble." She put her arm around Jamie's shoulders and hugged her tightly. "I love going out with you, but you slow me down." She laughed just enough to make a small reverberation against Jamie's ear.

It still took a second for Jamie to recall the time that Ryan had been gay bashed. She thought to herself how experiences like that changed almost every day of Ryan's life. She realized that she and Ryan didn't look at the world the same way. Even though remarkably bad things had happened to Jamie, they didn't color her world like they did Ryan's. From Jamie's perspective, she'd had more than her share of encounters with criminals and she was now basically home free. Ryan took those same experiences and convinced herself that any of them could happen again at a moment's notice. Given the choice, Jamie was glad for the way she dealt with trauma, but she was grateful that Ryan had the more pragmatic approach. Given her partner's penchant for having trouble find her, it was probably wise.

Their car was delivered and when they pulled away, Ryan took a wrong turn. "You should've turned right, honey," Jamie directed.

"I don't mean to brag, but I think I could draw a map of this neighborhood from memory. I know where I'm going.'

"Where are you going?"

"To Berkeley. I wouldn't mind a little quiet myself." She turned briefly and locked eyes with Jamie's. "It's Saturday night. You know that increases the likelihood that one of our roommates will bring home some lucky girl. And even though I hate to admit that my father was right, I really hate to hear my brother banging the hell out of some woman." She looked like she was about to be sick. "Da said having dates over would lead to trouble, and he was right."

"I've never heard sex going on. Are you being serious?"

"Deadly."

"Where was I?"

"Sound asleep, princess. It happened last Saturday night. Conor got in late, well after we were asleep. You didn't stir, of course, but I got to hear the springs squeaking for a ridiculously long time. I hope the poor woman wanted to go at it as long as they did." She shivered, again, looking vaguely ill.

"I'm really, really glad I missed that."

"I think I'd like it better if Kevin had the room above ours. Conor is one step too close on the relative scale for me to hear him having sex."

Jamie reached out and put a death grip on Ryan's arm. "If you can hear him..."

"Not to worry," Ryan said soothingly. "I don't hear voices; it's just the springs in the bed. That kind of sound travels down."

"Are you sure he can't hear us?"

"Pretty sure." Ryan thought of the extra insulation she had forced Conor to put in around the heating ducts the previous year. "When we get back, I'll go up into his room and listen while you make your typical howls." She giggled, sparing a quick look at Jamie.

"I'll go upstairs. Your voice is deeper than mine and probably travels farther. I swear, if I hear one sound..."

"I'm with you on this one. I hated that Mia always knew when we were having sex."

Jamie let out an embarrassed laugh. "For some reason, that didn't bother me one bit. I actually kinda liked it."

"Really?" Ryan asked, stunned.

"I wouldn't have liked it if she could hear anything specific. She promised she could only hear vague shrieks and laughter. I guess I didn't like her hearing as much as I liked that we could be ourselves, that we didn't try to be quiet. We all trusted each other enough to know that Mia wasn't titillated by it."

Ryan shot her another look. "I wish I felt that way about my brother. He could easily block me out and think about you." For the third time that night, she looked as if she could easily have been sick.

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Jordan had only been home from her European trip for a day, but Mia was ready for her when she arrived. In the few days she'd had alone, she'd packed up most of their stuff; the boxes were sitting in piles in the sparsely furnished living room.

"Are you in a hurry?" Jordan asked, coming in the door with Toni, Jill, Ekaterina, and Makela.

"No," Mia lied, saying hello to the women she was itching to get away from. She accepted a warm hug from Jordan, then they went into their room. "Hell yes, I'm in a hurry," she whispered. "I would have moved stuff myself if I knew anyone who could help. When you get home tomorrow night, we're outta here." She looked as pleased as it was possible for a person to be. "Now let's welcome you home and make love for the last time in this disgusting dump."

"Gosh, you sure do know how to get me in the mood." Jordan wrapped Mia in a tight hug and said, "I'm always in the mood when I'm with you. Let me take a quick shower and we'll have a proper goodbye for our disgusting dump." She was laughing to herself as she went into the hallway to claim the bathroom.

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After Jordan went to practice the next day Mia dialed her parents' home number. "Hi, Mom," she said when her mom picked up.

"What softball game are you at now?" Anna Lisa said, clearly not in the mood to let their last fight die.

"I'm in Colorado Springs." Mia was quite proud of herself for not rising to the bait. She was going to be an adult, even if she was alone in that quest. "Jordan and I are moving into a new apartment and I wanted to give you the address. If you want it."

"Move? Why are you moving? Where'd you get the money?"

"I'll answer the first question. We're moving because it's too hard living with all of these other players. It's hard for Jordy to relax at night, and it's too depressing for me to be in these bare rooms all day. It doesn't seem like home."

"It's not supposed to. It's a temporary place that you might have to leave at any time. Did you have to sign a lease?"

"No. It's a furnished place and we pay month to month." She was tempted to say that Catherine was paying the tab, but knew that would set her mother off.

"I don't see how you can afford that or why you'd want to. I've told you be-"

"Mom," Mia interrupted, "I don't mean to be rude, but I didn't call to ask permission to move. We're moving this afternoon. I just want to give you my new address."

"Do I get your phone number, too, or is that only for your friends?"

Mia could almost see her mother's narrowed eyes and feel their coldness. "We only have cell phones. We didn't want to spend the money to have a land line installed."

"Ooo, so now you're pinching pennies. It's important to have a real phone line. I saw something in the news about cell phones not being able to call your local 911."

"My phone works fine. I'll double check to make sure my service knows I'm in Colorado."

"Fine. Whatever. So you don't even ask about our vacation?"

"Okay. How was your vacation?" Mia was so tempted to add that she really wasn't interested in the vacation she had been prohibited from going on. She was angry with her mother for disinviting her, and even angrier with her brother for taking her spot. But she did not want to have another fight.

"Don't bother asking if that's all the enthusiasm you can muster."

Reaching the end of her rope, Mia said, "What do you want me to say? You're trying to goad me into a fight, and I'm not going to give it to you. I've had enough fighting. I'm tired." And she sounded tired, very tired, almost drained.

There was a long silence, then Anna Lisa burst into tears. She cried so hard it took her a long while to catch her breath enough to speak. While she cried, Mia helplessly said soft words that she knew her mother couldn't even hear. "Don't cry, Mom. Please don't cry."

Finally regaining control, Anna Lisa said, "I don't know who you are anymore. You've changed so much that I don't feel like I know you. I miss the old you. I miss you so much," she said, starting to cry again.

Mia was so upset by this unusual display of emotion that her stomach was tied in knots. She didn't know how to respond, didn't have any idea how she could respond. She was different, that was certain. But she felt she was growing up, which should have made her mother happy. At a total loss for words, she kept repeating, "I'm sorry, Mom. Please don't cry."

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After taking a good long time to collect herself, Mia called Jamie, who, luckily, was available to talk. Mia gave her the whole rundown, then said, "I don't know what to tell her. Isn't she supposed to want me to stand on my own? Isn't that the point of being a parent?"

"Yeah, I suppose that is the point, but I think it's hard for them too."

"My mom has spent the last ten years chewing my ass out because I'm so immature and do such stupid things. All of my choices are bad. But when I do something that any outsider would agree has some thought behind it, she gets even angrier. How do I react to her?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know her well enough to guess what's going on in her head. Would Peter have any ideas?"

"Peter can go fuck himself. If he hadn't taken my ticket, she would've had to deal with me. He screwed me over by taking my spot, and he didn't even have the decency to call me."

"Maybe he didn't know. Maybe your mom told him she had just come up with this idea."

"No such luck. He knew I was going, and he knew I was going to try to get her to delay the vacation. He had a chance at a free trip, and he took it." She let out a soft moan. "I wish I knew how to get back to where my mom and I were just couple of years ago. She gave me a hard time about things, but I never doubted that she loved me. Now it's harder and harder to convince myself that she does."

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Mia knew it was asking a lot, since Jordan was so tired after practice, but she had to get out of the apartment. Jill had a car, and even though she didn't offer to carry any of the boxes, she did offer the use of her vehicle.

Makela and Ekaterina were generous souls, and they helped take the boxes and wedge them into the small auto, managing to get many of them in. Jordan and Mia had to make about ten trips to get everything into the new apartment, but they had an elevator to their third floor place so it wasn't too arduous. Once they'd returned the borrowed car, they collapsed onto their new sofa and put their feet up on the substantial ottoman.

"This place is a little too much like a nice hotel room to seem like home, but it's so many times nicer than where we were that I feel like I'm dreaming," Jordan said, her contented smile making Mia smile in return.

"I'm gonna have you on that counter," Mia said thoughtfully, pointing to the kitchen, "and on this sofa, and the ottoman, and on that chair, and, of course, the floor. Then we'll hit the bathroom and the bedroom."

Jordan turned her head and smiled at Mia. "Most people would start in the bedroom. That's one more thing I like about you: you don't stand on convention."

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Ryan had been trying to talk to her undergraduate advisor, Robin Berkowitz, since the day after graduation. But Robin had the good sense to go on a vacation with her husband, leaving anxious grads like Ryan to hold their questions until her return. Actually, there were very few students just like Ryan. The other students waiting for Robin's return were her grad students and a few worried undergrads who were undecided on their fall schedules. Most graduates who were not going on to grad school left Berkeley on graduation day and only returned for football games, if they stayed in the Bay Area. But as Ryan proved so many times in her life, she wasn't average in many ways.

Robin's secretary scheduled Ryan for the first available slot, which was nine a.m. on the Monday Robin returned from her holiday. The professor was still working on her first cup of coffee when the familiar face appeared, peeking around the doorframe. "I thought I'd gotten rid of you," Robin said, clearly teasing.

Ryan took that as an invitation to enter. She sat down on the chair in front of Robin's desk, smiling. "No such luck. I'm probably the kind of person that most teachers hate."

Laughing, Robin said, "Yeah. We all hate people with a lot of talent who work hard and never waste our time. That's all we talk about when we get together in the lounge."

"I'm not saying I'm difficult, I know I'm not, but I'm the kind who wants to pick your brain long after I should have made up my own mind."

Robin picked up a pencil and held it in both hands. She rolled it against her upper lip while appraising Ryan carefully for a few moments. "Still no idea of what you're gonna do next, huh?"

Sighing, Ryan said, "Oh, I have ideas. Too many ideas. That's the problem-I can't knock anything off the list."

"Give me the list again. I know it's a long one." She grinned unrepentantly.

Ryan held up her hand and ticked off items. "I want to be a firefighter and do swift water rescue, but Jamie's against it."

"Apparently Jamie's even smarter than you are," Robin said drolly.

"No doubt. I love chemistry, but not enough to focus on it."

"Then knock it off the list. Knock off the firefighting, too. You can't do that without your partner's support."

With her shoulders notably slumped, Ryan pulled both fingers back into a fist. She started again, letting her index finger pop up. "Bio. Love it."

"Enough to spend your career doing research and publishing?"

Making a face, Ryan shook her head. "I don't think I could teach. It's appealing, but I don't want to deal with all of the politics."

"Politics are everywhere. You can't escape them."

"True…" Ryan shook her head again. "I couldn't just do bio. I'd miss math too much."

"Then do math."

"Mmm… It's not that simple." She scooted forward in her chair, fixing Robin with an earnest stare. "I don't want to sound like I have a God complex, but I want to do something important with my life."

"Don't we all? Especially when we're twenty-two."

"I'm twenty-five, and no, I don't think we all want to be of service. I want to do something that benefits the greatest number of people possible."

Not trying to hide her smirk, Robin said, "How many people do you think the swift water rescue people plunk out of the water every year?"

Slipping back against the chair, Ryan scrunched up her eyes and rubbed at them with a fist. "If I can't do what I really want, I want to do something that benefits a lot of people."

"Good. At least you're able to be honest. Having the ability to see your foibles will help you make the right decision. What's wrong with math? You know you're damned good."

"Yeah, yeah, I love math and I know I'm gifted. But am I gifted enough to do something huge?"

"Huge as defined by whom? Other mathematicians?"

"No, as defined by…I don't know…history." Her voice had grown more quiet when she said the last word.

Laughing again, Robin said, "Make no small plans, right?"

"Yeah, I'd say that's something I believe in. I want to do something that helps the world."

"Well, that could be math, but you've gotta get very lucky. You've gotta do something practical, like work on a team that discovers a new way to do something big."

"Like what? I've had a hard time figuring out what that would be."

"Well," Robin stared at a point over Ryan's head for a few moments, "they couldn't have split the atom without math. Maybe you could work to discover a way to create non-polluting energy."

"Mmm." Ryan put her chin on her fist. "I'd have to work for the government or a big company and make sure I was on the right team."

"And make sure the other people on the team are as talented as you are. That's a big one. Politics comes into that, too. You know the energy companies don't want cheap power."

"Don't make me nuts. I'm doing that well enough on my own."

"True. But it shouldn't be that hard to find something that would give you a chance to make a difference. There's no guarantee. Actually, the odds are very slim. You know how many people earn a Ph.D. in math every year? How many of them get to do something that changes the world?"

"Two? Three?" Ryan said glumly.

"Maybe a few more, but not many more. It's a big world, Ryan. It's also tough to change."

Looking at her with a remarkably sincere expression, Ryan said, "Am I being really immature? Do I want something it's not possible to have?"

"You're twenty-five. You're supposed to be immature," Robin said, smiling warmly. "And what you want is possible; it's just not probable. It's a shot in the dark."

"Do you think I have the goods to be a great mathematician? I love pure math, and even though there's no practical application for most new proofs, I think I could be pretty happy working on them."

"You're twenty-five, right?" Robin started twisting the pencil again, moving it faster and faster. She set it on her desk and looked directly into Ryan's eyes. "You're a little long in the tooth. If you were obsessed with something, you'd have been working on it already. You also wouldn't be participating in sports." She said this with a mixture of disdain and puzzlement. "You probably wouldn't have a girlfriend, and you wouldn't be a double major. Math would be it for you, and I don't think it's gonna start eating up every moment of your time if it hasn't done that so far."

Ryan nodded. "That's what I think. It's like a security blanket for me, but I have a whole lot of other things that can completely capture my attention."

"Such as?"

"Well, if I wasn't so enmeshed with my family, I think I could be happy being a ski bum or a surfer." She was thoughtful for a moment, her voice getting softer and a satisfied smile covering her face. "Or snorkeling all day. I've never had a better time than when we were in the Bahamas."

"Snap out of it!" Robin teased. "I just got back from Cabo San Lucas and you're making my brain go right back there."

"Oh, shoot! I didn't even ask how your vacation was."

"Don't worry about it. You're not here for me; I'm here for you."

"Not any more," Ryan said glumly. "I've graduated."

"Free counseling for you. You're a special woman and I'd love to help you find a good fit."

"What about being a physician? Jamie thinks I'd be good at it."

"Yeah. I could see that. But not if Jamie's the one who wants it."

Ryan slumped down again. "Yeah, it's mostly her. I think I could get into it, though. I know I'd love the patient interaction."

"But…?"

"I'd rather do research to find a way to cure cancer or something." She gulped. "I can't believe how that sounded! I know I'm not going to be the one person to find a way to cure something that probably has a thousand causes. But I want the chance to do something big, and looking at kids' ear infections would be a nice way to make a living but it wouldn't help me reach my goal."

"Got it." Robin took the pencil and tucked it behind her ear, but she immediately picked up another one and tapped it on the desk. "I've got one word for you: technology."

Eagerly, Ryan nodded. "What about it?"

"I believe you can make a bigger impact in technology than you can in any other field. You still need a heck of a lot of luck, but you have the opportunity to make a bigger difference as an individual than in most other things. People who want to do something big are either going into technology or investment banking, and I don't see money as your big thing."

Making a sour face, Ryan shook her head. "Not my thing."

"So," Robin said, nodding in satisfaction, "here's what I think. You can get a job in tech and make a new scanner that detects cancer no one has been able to spot. You can come up with a cheap computer that lets people in very poor places have access to information they would never have otherwise. You can help make water cleaner, power cheaper, cars cleaner, sun less damaging. There are thousands of ways you could make a real difference. And you don't even have to have a Ph.D. It might help you get a good job, but you don't need it."

"Would getting a Ph.D. in math be a big help?"

"Mmm, not necessarily, but it wouldn't hurt. How much comp sci do you have?"

"Not much. Two upper division classes."

"Spend some time nailing CS. Really get into it and see if it sparks something in you. Get a masters or a Ph.D. if you find some research project you fall in love with, then go work for somebody big. Or somebody who's going to be big. But don't spend your life in a university if you don't love teaching and doing research. You'll feel trapped."

"Do you feel trapped?" Ryan asked, her eyes wide with concern.

"Not a bit. I love teaching, and this will still be a great job when we start a family-great benefits, time off, and a flexible schedule. Is that important to you? I don't know how you and Jamie have set things up."

"Having flexibility is important, but it's not critical." She fidgeted a little bit, not willing to tell Robin she'd be able to hire people to do a lot of things for her if she needed to.

"It's critical for me. My husband's a sweetheart, but he's not going to be a stay-at-home dad. I'm gonna have to do the lion's share."

"One more benefit of being a lesbian." Ryan held up two fingers as she grinned mischievously. "Two moms."

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Jamie was sitting outdoors reading the newspaper and didn't hear Ryan when she came home. At around eleven she heard Maria Los' car pull into the drive, so she went into the house to say hello. Hearing clicking noises coming from upstairs, she went to Ryan's room and found her diligently scanning her computer screen. "When did you get home?"

Not tearing her attention away from the screen, Ryan said "Ten, ten-thirty... Not sure."

Jamie grabbed a section of her hair and gave it a sharp tug, then she sat down on the bed and stared at the back of her head. "You don't even tell me when you're home anymore? That's kind of rude."

Ryan didn't turn around. Her fingers danced on the keys as she continued to search for whatever was occupying her mind. "I'm sorry. Robin just told me some things and I started thinking about them, and then I remembered that they might start today so I wanted to see if there was one that I could get into."

Jamie grasped the back of Ryan's desk chair and pulled until her partner could no longer reach the keys. Then she swiveled Ryan around so they were face-to-face. Grasping the arms of the chair with both of her hands, she held tight. "What are you talking about?"

Ryan turned her head, looking longingly at the keyboard, then she faced Jamie again and said, "Robin thinks the best thing for me to do is to go into some form of technology. But to do that, I really need more computer science. Summer school starts today so I thought I'd-"

Jamie clapped her hands over Ryan's mouth, not letting her even speak the last words. "No way," she said decisively. "You are not going to summer school."

"But, Jamie," Ryan said as soon as a hand was removed. Immediately it was clamped down again.

"I understand without you saying another word. Robin gave you an idea about yet another field of study that you can focus your prodigious brain on. But we're not doing that this year. We agreed. And by 'we' I mean you and me. You're not going to back out of this, Ryan. We're taking this year off. During this year you may consider…only consider your future fields of study, but you may not take classes in those fields or any other. Well, I would let you take a class in ceramics or glassblowing or carpentry or something for pure fun, but nothing for career. You're going to spend this year learning how to relax."

She took her hand away and Ryan didn't speak for another moment. She looked as though she wanted to speak, but knew that whatever she would say would not be appreciated. Turning back toward her computer, she systematically closed each of the windows that she had been working in. When she closed the last one, she put her computer to sleep.

Sitting there, facing away from Jamie for a few moments, the silence in the room was heavy. In the background they could hear Maria Los running the vacuum cleaner, but the sound seemed very far away. Finally Ryan turned around. She didn't look happy, but she didn't look as agitated as she had two minutes earlier.

"I understand what we agreed to for this year, I really do, but you have to understand that it's very hard for me to relax if I don't have a goal. I don't know what my next goal is, Jamie."

She got up and walked over to the window and settled herself onto the sill. "I guess you're not like this, but I have to have something I'm working towards. I structure my life around goals -some small, some large-but I always have one. If you won't let me do a little exploration into computer science, I won't know if that's something I should be working towards. That puts me right back to where I've been, which is...aimless."

She looks so distraught that Jamie felt her resolution begin to crumble. "I think I understand that." She turned toward Ryan and drew both of her feet up on the bed, sitting cross-legged. She leaned over a little and rested her elbows on her knees. "I think I understand how you are. But to be honest, I'd like you to try to be a little different. I'd like you to try to truly relax for a change. I know it's something you've never done, but I think it would be good for you. So if you work with me at least through the summer, we can revisit this in the fall. How's that?"

Ryan's lips were set in a thin line. "I suppose I don't have any options. I agreed to take the year off, so I have to."

"I'm asking you for three months. You agreed to a full year, so cut me some slack."

"I'd like to, but I was in a different place mentally when I agreed to take the year off. I don't feel overwhelmed anymore. Now I'm itchy to do something, and I think taking some computer classes would keep me busy and let me see if this is the direction I want to take."

"When you say 'classes', what do you mean?"

"Well, there's three that I think could be helpful."

Jamie's eyebrows popped up. "Three? Did you say three?"

"Yeah," Ryan said, her voice very soft.

"How many days a week do these classes meet?"

Her voice was barely a whisper. "Two are on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and the third is on Tuesday-Thursday."

"So you want to take a class every day of the week, while getting ready for the breast cancer walk, while keeping an eye on Jennie, not to mention tutoring her like you promised. And, of course, keeping me happy. Not necessarily in that order." She finally let a smile show.

"It's only three classes. I used to take five classes and work full time at the gym, and I still had plenty of time for a social life."

"You gave that up. Being in a relationship isn't the same as having a social life. I know it might not make much sense to you, but pleasing one woman is a lot harder than pleasing dozens for an hour at a time." She stretched her legs out, put her feet on the floor, and walked over to Ryan. Insinuating herself into the small space of her lap, she put an arm around her neck and nuzzled her face against Ryan's cheek. "I'm sorry I sounded so parental. If this is something you have to do, I'm certainly not going to stop you. But I would very much prefer that you didn't sign up for anything this summer. That's only three months."

Ryan sighed so heavily, she almost dislodged Jamie from her lap. "All right. I did promise, and I hate to go back on my promises."

Tickling under her chin, Jamie said, "Is there is no part of you that's looking forward to having the summer off?"

Responding immediately, Ryan firmly said, "None."

Jamie got up and fondly ran her hand across Ryan's cheek. "You know I want you to be happy, but I've gotten burned several times letting you do things that I thought were too much for you."

She ticked off the items on her fingers. "Basketball, starting softball while you were still playing basketball, and doing the math competition while you were playing a sport. I gave in every single time. I think it's your turn to give in to me." She bent and kissed Ryan's cheek. "Think about it. If you can't bear to relax, go ahead and do what you want. I'm not trying to guilt trip you, honey. I'm trying to get you to change a big part of your personality. I know I'm asking for a lot, and if you can't do it I'll do my best to understand."

Ryan nodded, watching Jamie leave the room. She wedged her body into the window, getting her feet tucked against the far jamb and drawing in her knees until they almost touched her nose. She looked ridiculous, but she was better able to think when she was in a confined space. The breeze blew across her, bringing in the sweet scents of spring. Closing her eyes, she tried to think of what they could possibly do for three months. She knew Jamie could be happy reading, going on bike rides, and just hanging out. But she knew just as certainly that would drive her stark raving mad.

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Almost an hour later, Jamie peeked her head into Ryan's room, dismayed when she found her wedged into her window. "Ryan," she said, exasperation in her voice, "if it means that much to you, take your computer science courses. I'm not going to force you to have fun."

Ryan looked at her, blinking for a few seconds. "Huh? What did you say?"

Jamie walked over to her and put one hand on her shoulder and the other on her knee. Looking into her eyes, she asked, "Are you sulking, or thinking?"

"I'm thinking," Ryan said, her eyes filled with innocent question. "Why would I be sulking?"

"Never mind." Jamie kissed her on the temple, then walked over to the bed and sat down. "Do you want to talk about what you were thinking about?"

Ryan started to disentangle her long body from the window. Once she had her feet on the ground, she started to stretch, wincing occasionally. "Boy, I got stiff."

Jamie didn't comment, thinking that most people would expect to be stiff after forcing themselves into a space the size of a large suitcase for over an hour.

Ryan got down on the floor and performed a series of stretches that had Jamie spellbound. While leaning over from the waist with her legs stretched out straight in front of her, Ryan waited until her head nearly touched her legs to start to speak. Her projection wasn't crystal clear, but Jamie heard her say, "I'm trying to make myself forget about all the stuff Jennie has gotten away with over the last month or two. I want to pick her up from summer school this afternoon, and I don't want to show how disappointed I still am in her."

Jamie studied the back of Ryan's head, looking at the neat twist she had made with her hair. As she often did, she'd just twisted it around a few times and stuck a pencil through it, and somehow managed to make it look cute. Trying to force her attention back to the subject at hand, Jamie said, "She's pretty perceptive. Why not just tell her the truth and be done with it?"

Ryan sat up and looked at her for a moment. "I don't know if that's a good idea. I don't want to be holding stuff over her head."

"Agreed, but you are, even though you don't want to be. I don't think it's a bad thing for her to understand she has some work to do to regain your trust."

Doing a few more stretches, Ryan was silent. Jamie placidly watched her, knowing she was thinking.

Ryan sat up and nodded. "I think you might be onto something there. I don't want her to feel like she has to beg to get back into my good graces, but it's probably good for her to realize that her actions have repercussions."

She got to her feet and put her arms over her head, looking as though she were trying to touch the ceiling. An inch of her belly was exposed and Jamie considered leaping for it, but she was a little conservative about their rough play ever since she'd broken her elbow. Instead, she crooked her finger at Ryan. When Ryan stood by the bed, Jamie wrapped her arms around her hips and tumbled her down so they were both lying on their sides. "Do you want to stay in San Francisco tonight?"

"No, I don't think so. If we're going to Pebble Beach in the morning, we might as well leave from here. I think I'll ride my motorcycle over and take Jennie to our house. I'll help her get organized and then I'll drive her back to Oakland. That'll give us a little more time together."

"Does she need my help with anything?"

"I'll ask, but I don't think so. I think she looked for the easiest class offered to go along with the math class I insisted she take."

"Well, please tell her I'm always willing to help. You know I'll go with you today if you want me to, right?"

"Of course I do. But you should probably stay here and decide what we should take with us to Pebble Beach. You're a fantastic packer."

"Practice makes perfect. Did you tell Sandy you were going to pick Jennie up?"

"Not yet, but it's on my to-do list. I still feel guilty about not telling her about Jennie hitchhiking and ditching school."

"Yeah, but I understand why you didn't. At this point it would just give her more to worry about."

"That's what I thought, too. Having eight teenage girls under your care is something I wouldn't wish on anyone."

Grinning, Jamie said, "What if we have octuplets?"

Ryan pushed herself up into a sitting position then looked back and gave Jamie a smirk. "We'll pick the cutest one and give the other seven to infertile couples. People will think we're incredibly generous. Ha ha ha!" She laughed loudly, almost sounding evil. "And the best part is, we'd be on TV and in all the magazines. You know how much I miss that." She put her hands around her neck as if she was strangling herself. Stumbling around the room, she then dragged herself through the open doorway, making it look as though someone were pulling her.

"Good luck!" Jamie yelled after her. "Let me know whether you'll be home for dinner."

"I will," Ryan's scratchy, choked off voice replied.

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Before she left, Ryan called Sandy and got her permission to pick Jennie up, then she called the car service that picked Jennie up from school and told them they wouldn't be needed. Strapping the extra helmet on the back of her bike, she took off for San Francisco. The weather was still gloomy and gray, but it hadn't rained and the streets were dry.

Ryan had left in plenty of time, so she drove slowly and concentrated intently on driving defensively. Even though she'd driven at or below the speed limit, she was still a few minutes early. She got off the bike and went over to stand with the assortment of mothers and nannies waiting for their kids.

The girls began to hurry from the building a few seconds after the final bell rang. Most of them looked gleeful to be finished with at least one day of summer school. The procession of girls had slowed to a trickle and Ryan was beginning to worry that Jennie had spent her first day skipping, but the girl finally emerged lethargically, looking down at the ground, totally oblivious to the other kids. Ryan walked up beside her and tapped her on the shoulder. Jennie's head snapped up and it took her a second for her eyes to

connect to her brain. When they did, her face lit up in a bright smile and she threw her arms around Ryan. "Why are you here?"

"I couldn't bear the thought of you having to go to summer school without having a little bit of fun."

"Fun?" Her bright smile grew even brighter. "What are we gonna do?"

"I thought it would be fun to go for a bike ride. There's not much traffic at this time of day; we can just cruise around the city."

"I'm ready!" Jennie started moving, even though she didn't know where to go.

Ryan pointed across the street. "Right over there, sport." Jennie ran across the street without looking to see if cars were coming, which made Ryan's stomach turn. She knew it wouldn't do any good, but she felt obligated to remind her, "You've got to take a peek to see if there's any traffic before you run across the street."

Jennie quickly removed the helmet from the back of the bike and secured it to her head. "Right, right."

Ryan took the girl's books and stowed them so she didn't have to hold them, then she got astride the bike and before she had time to tell Jennie she was ready, the girl was climbing aboard. They were allowed to wear regular clothing to summer school, so Jennie was wearing a pair of old jeans and a T-shirt. Ryan took off her own rain jacket and handed it to her. "You're gonna freeze without a coat."

"Nah, I'm fine."

"Put it on. If I'm cold, I can go by my house and get another one."

Jennie put on the jacket, which could have probably wound around her small body three times. Ryan turned on the engine and they took off, only speaking sporadically.

This was the way Ryan preferred to ride. When she had Jamie as a passenger, she usually got a running commentary on everything that Jamie saw that interested her in any manner. Jennie was often quieter than Jamie, and she tended not to talk until she had thoroughly assessed a given situation. Ryan guessed that Jennie could tell she was still in trouble, and was keeping quiet just to be safe. But even though she was quiet, Ryan could tell her young friend was having a good time. The part of the city they were riding in was so hilly that Ryan had to go up some of the streets at nearly full throttle. The three-and four-story homes that lined the streets provided perfect acoustics for the roar of her Harley, and every time she gunned it, Jennie let out a whoop of pleasure. They drove around for nearly an hour before Ryan headed back to Noe Valley. When they saw a parking spot by the house, she instructed Jen to get off the bike so it would be easier to park. She managed to fit between two cars, then the twosome walked up the stairs to the O'Flaherty house. As expected, the house was silent, Duffy spending his days at Maeve's house when his master wasn't in town.

Ryan nosed around in the kitchen and found some cookies that her aunt had recently delivered, and a fresh quart of milk. She set out the cookies and poured a couple of glasses of milk and she and Jennie sat down at the dining table.

"Let's take a look at your math book and see what fun we're gonna have this summer." Ryan intentionally put on a goofy looking smile. Jennie pulled the book out and handed it to her, sitting quietly, munching on a cookie while Ryan looked through the text. "What did you go over today?"

"This is the same book I used last semester, and it's the same teacher, so we started up where we left off. I think it's Chapter 9." She took the book back and paged through it. "Yeah. Right here. You understand this stuff?"

"Yeah, I understand this. Why don't you tell me what you went over today, but explain it in your own words."

Jennie looked at Ryan as if she was mad. "My own words? I don't have words for this stuff."

Ryan laughed. "Sure you do. You don't have to use math words. Try to explain what the big picture is behind this."

"Big picture?" Jennie asked dully.

"Yup. It might not seem like it, but you can explain this stuff. You just have to step back from it and try to see what they're trying to teach you."

"I have no idea what they're trying to teach me."

Ryan slapped Jennie sharply on the shoulder and said, "You will, buddy. You will."

Ryan pointed at the page that started Jennie's chapter. She rubbed her hands together, looking genuinely excited. "This is when math starts to get interesting, because you can see all the ways that you can use it to do different things. You don't have to just memorize stuff. Take this first section here, where they're talking about imaginary numbers."

"I think all numbers are imaginary."

"In a sense that's very true." Ryan looked happy. "They're all imaginary, in that you can't hold them or touch them. They're only real in your mind."

"Maybe your mind..." Jennie trailed off, looking down.

"Work with me here. Did you understand the concept behind imaginary numbers?"

"No. It's just another thing to memorize. I can memorize stuff if I try."

"Sure, sure you can, but I think it's easier if you understand why an imaginary number, or any other concept, is important. You know-like how you would use it in real life."

"Okay," Jennie said, looking more engaged. "How would you use it in real life?"

"Well, I suppose the most common uses would be in engineering."

Wary, Jennie said, "I don't do any engineering."

"Not now, but you might someday. And you really need to have a good understanding of imaginary numbers if you want to be able to do differential equations. And engineers have to do differential equations all the time. It would be impossible to figure out the rate of growth of a function..." She saw Jennie's eyes glazing over.

"Okay," Ryan said, undeterred. "How about physics? You can't get anywhere in quantum mechanics if you can't state precisely where a particle is. You have to do a probability distribution of where its position in space most likely is, and you can only do that if you can use complex variables."

Jennie put her head down on the table and moaned.

Ryan's sighed. "I think I'm pushing you a little hard. For today, let's memorize this stuff."

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After about an hour, Kevin and Dermot came into the house, dirty from work and hungry as always. Kevin took the entire container of remaining cookies and the two men sat at the table, stuffing their mouths like chipmunks.

"What are you guys doing?" Dermot asked.

"Ryan's helping me with my math homework," Jennie said. "Are you guys good at math?"

"Not as good as Ryan, but I'm pretty good," Kevin said.

"Not me," Dermot added. "I was always better in history and social sciences. Ryan dragged me through high school, even though she's younger than I am." He laughed hard at that, clearly not embarrassed in the least.

They spent the next half hour with Jennie questioning the boys about all sorts of topics, wasting time quite efficiently. Ryan allowed it to go on for a while, but then she said they were going to move downstairs to finish up. With regret, Jennie looked at the boys and followed her friend.

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After they spent a long time working through problems that Ryan made up, Ryan was confident that Jennie was prepared for at least the next couple of days of class. It had been hard keeping the girl's attention, especially after Conor came home. He had the TV on in his room and all three men were in there laughing and cutting up. Jennie tried her best to pay attention, which Ryan appreciated.

"It's hard to concentrate with the boys making a racket, isn't it?"

"Kinda. But it's nicer than at my house. That place is crazy."

"How'd you get your work done during the year?"

"I went to Ms. Smith's most of the time."

Ryan looked at her blankly, with Jennie reminding her, "Jamie's mom changed her name. Remember?'

Ryan slapped herself on the head. "I'm a dope."

"Yeah. Right." Jennie laughed. "It's really quiet over there. I'd go up to the guest room, the one your brother's gonna make into the library."

Ryan nodded, recalling Catherine mentioning that Conor and Kevin were going to start the renovation this week.

"Well, there isn't a TV in there, and no radio either. Marta would come up every once in a while to check on me, but other than that I didn't have anything else to do."

"No other books?"

"Nothin'. It was like a room made to make people do homework. And there wasn't a bed, so I couldn't even take a nap." She looked slightly outraged as she listed the harsh conditions.

"Maybe we should meet over there."

Jennie eyes lit up. "That'd be cool. Your cookies were nice, but Marta'd make me anything I wanted. I usually didn't even eat dinner when I got home. And believe me, her cooking is ten thousand times better than the crud we get at Sandy's."

Stifling a laugh, Ryan asked, "Does Sandy cook?"

"No. Some lady comes in to make dinner. Sandy's only got to watch us."

"Only that," Ryan agreed, thinking that was more than enough. "How are things at the house?"

"Eh. You know. Since Skylar left I haven't had anybody to hang out with. It's boring."

"How's your new roommate?"

Jennie shrugged, not commenting further.

"Trouble?"

"She doesn't speak a lot of English 'cuz she's only been in America for a year. She doesn't like me much."

"Why do you say that?"

"We're really different. She spends half of the day putting on makeup."

Surprised, Ryan said, "Makeup? Really?"

"Yeah. She's got a girlfriend who looks like a guy. She gets up an hour before I do so she can look pretty at school when they see each other."

"Huh. And she's gay?"

Jennie looked at her blankly. "I said 'girlfriend', didn't I?"

Scratching her head, Ryan sheepishly admitted, "I guess you did."

Jennie stared at her, frowning. "My house is for lesbians."

"I'm sorry, buddy. I know everybody in your house is gay. I got confused by the makeup thing. That sounds...different."

Making a face, Jennie said, "She's real different. She's got a radio on all the time. In Spanish. She keeps it low, but that's just another excuse not to talk to me."

"Has she been at the home long?"

"No, not as long as me. She's two years older, and she's just counting the days until she gets out. I feel bad for her, because she wants to quit school and live with her girlfriend, but she's not eighteen yet and the court won't let her."

Dismayed, Ryan couldn't find much to say. She knew it was hard for Jennie at the home in the best of circumstances, but not having a roommate to confide in had to make things more difficult. She was just glad that this girl would probably not be trouble like Jennie's previous roommate.

"Is everything okay between you and Pebbles?" It was hard for Ryan to say the girl's name without laughing, but the way Jennie had felt pressured by Pebbles was not a laughing matter.

Finally smiling, Jennie nodded. "Yeah, it's better. How did you get me moved without getting me beat up?"

"I promised you that I wouldn't tell Sandy any details and I didn't. I just said you and Pebbles were fighting, and I thought it was affecting your schoolwork." She held up her hands. "I didn't rat her out."

"Okay." Jennie nodded. "Well, Sandy got her into some volunteer program and she's usually gone until dinnertime. As long as I stay in the living room until bed, I hardly have to see her."

Ryan put her hand on Jennie's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. It hurt her deeply to have to send the girl back to a place where she always had to be on guard, but she knew that for the time being, it was the best they could hope for.

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When Ryan got home, she spent a long time telling Jamie all about her day.

"So what's the story on this new roommate? She spends all of her time putting on makeup?"

"Yeah. I met her when I dropped Jen off." Ryan pursed her lips, looking thoughtful. "She's from Guatemala and…" Ryan's eyes almost closed. She put her hands in the air and made a vague gesture. "I can't describe her. I'm obviously out of the loop because I've never seen a lesbian who looks like her." She smiled, looking a little abashed. "Not volunteering at the talk line is hurting my knowledge base."

Jamie placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek. "That's just how I want you-waaaaay out of the loop. Want me to go talk to her in Spanish?"

"Talk to her about what? Why she's not friendlier to Jen?" Ryan sat at a dining room chair and rubbed her eyes. "I think we'd better stay out of it unless Jennie wants us to do something. I don't want her to get the reputation of being a snitch or a whiner."

"No, that wouldn't be good." Jamie sat on Ryan's knee, hugging her briefly. "Where does the girl go to school? Is she a good student?"

"She goes to a high school for recent immigrants. I think they spend all day trying to learn English."

"Not anyone that Jen could study with."

"Nope. I feel for the kid. Imagine how you'd feel if you moved to a country where you didn't speak the language and then got placed into a home for lesbian girls and had to share a room with someone two years younger. That's a big gap, even if they both spoke Spanish."

"Let's try hard to stay on top of things. It sounds like Jen needs us more than ever."

"Yeah. I think I'm gonna meet her over at your mom's house, or have her driver bring her over here. It's too noisy at my house."

"Were the boys home?"

"Yeah, and they were watching something on TV and stomping their big boots on the floor. It sounded like someone was herding cattle."

"Mom would love to see us more, so that works for me."

"Me too." She patted Jamie on the butt. "Let's get dinner rocking. I only had three cookies this afternoon."

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On Wednesday morning, Jamie woke to one of her favorite sensations. A chilly, damp breeze was coming in through the open window but she was wrapped in a pair of warm arms and an even warmer body pressed against her from shoulders to ass. She assumed Ryan was awake since it was rare to be held so tightly during the night. Jamie wasn't sure what signals she gave off that showed that she was awake, but Ryan always picked up on them. She felt a few soft kisses start at her hairline and stop at the base of her neck.

"Good morning," Jamie purred. "It's going to take quite some effort for me to stay this happy all day long."

Ryan bent her knees and tucked them behind Jamie's so that they were now touching from shoulders to toes. "Let's stay right here all day, then we don't have to worry. We always have a good day in bed."

"Fantastic idea." Jamie started to peel herself away, smiling at Ryan's grasping hands. "I need a quick bathroom break. Have you already showered?"

"Yep. I also had a fantastic breakfast of stale crackers."

Jamie reached behind her and patted Ryan's belly. "We should have gone to the store before we left. I know that all the good food shops down here close early."

"That's my fault. If I had been ready a lot earlier..."

"We're on vacation, honey. We don't have to be on a strict schedule."

Jamie got up and went into the bathroom and after a minute, Ryan heard the shower go on. She lay there with the covers kicked away to let the cold air chill her. She wasn't sure why, but she got a lot of pleasure out of starting out cold and having Jamie make her warm. She was idly

thinking about what they would do for the next few days when Jamie came out of the bathroom, talking on her cell phone.

"And a pound of sliced turkey, if it's fresh, and some cheddar cheese, and a dozen eggs. No, that should do it. Just let yourself in. Thanks very much." Hanging up, she smiled at Ryan's perplexed expression. "You said you wanted to stay in bed." She jumped onto the bed and pulled the covers over both of them, then rubbed her warm hands all over Ryan's cold body.

"So somebody's gonna come over here while we're in bed?"

"Yeah. You know; we use that service. We did it when we came for our honeymoon."

"I was so stunned by the entire production that I have very few memories of the details of that week." She wrapped Jamie in her arms, making her squeal when Ryan's cold parts met her warm ones. "That's one thing I remember: there was a lot of shrieking going on."

"It'll take them an hour to get here." Jamie's voice was low and soft, and little slower than usual. "Why don't you think of something to while away the time?"

Laughing, Ryan said, "You sound like a vamp from an old movie."

"That reminds me. We probably have fifty old classic movies on DVD. We should watch some of them. That's a nice way to spend a rainy afternoon."

Ryan grabbed her and pushed her onto the bed. With a hand on each of Jamie's shoulders, she loomed over her and tossed her hair so that it framed her face beautifully. "If you'd rather watch a movie than stay in bed, the honeymoon is definitely over."

"What's a movie?"

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Two hours later, Ryan's libido and belly had been fed. One of Jamie's appetites was always more prodigious than Ryan's, but she was pretty sure that her partner fully intended to fulfill any desires she had.

Ryan was lying on her back with her head in Jamie's lap, and Jamie was carefully braiding hanks of Ryan's hair for no particular reason. They'd both been quiet for a while, very content to just be together.

"It's hard for me to believe that we've been together almost a full year," Ryan said. "We are well into the 'and they lived happily ever after' period."

"We are? I thought that started on your wedding day."

"Nope. That starts when you really get together. And we really got together a year ago."

"I suppose I don't mind being in the happily ever after phase. Does that last until the last woman's standing?"

Chuckling softly, Ryan said, "I'm planning on going together. If it looks like I'm failing and you're still doing well, I'm taking you with me anyway."

"That's just how I'd like it." Jamie continued with her project, having constructed at least twenty braids on the left side of Ryan's head. "Good thing we're not leaving the house today. Your hair is gonna look crazy."

Ryan pulled away and rolled onto her belly and braced herself with her forearms so she was facing Jamie. "I forgot what I'd decided."

"What's that?"

"I decided that we should go out for every meal. I know there are a lot of restaurants down here that you like, and I don't want you cooking on your vacation."

Jamie put her hands on Ryan's cheeks and cupped them briefly. "You are such a sweetheart. But I don't cook because it's a chore; I like it."

"I know that. But you also like to go out. We're only going to be here a few days, so I thought it would be a nice treat for you."

"I bought things for dinner tonight, and they'll spoil if we don't eat them."

"We can eat them for lunch." Ryan"s expression was almost plaintive. "Let's go out for dinner."

"Fine," Jamie said, grinning. "But I might have to buy you something to wear. You didn't bring your black suit and it's far too cold for you to wear what I bought you last year."

"No problem. We can go shopping after lunch." Jamie put the back of her hand on Ryan's forehead and Ryan laughed. "No, I don't have a fever." Ryan stuck her tongue out. "I'm being well behaved."

"You certainly are. I know I always say I like bad girls, but maybe I like well behaved girls better."

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After lunch, which Ryan insisted on preparing, they got into Jim's classic Mustang and took it over to Carmel. They parked the car and then walked slowly down the length of the main shopping street. Jamie made note of any place that looked promising and when they reached the end of the street, she said, "I'd like to go into two places. Can you tolerate that?"

"I'd like to go to one-the skate and surf shop right up there." Ryan pointed to the most garish looking store on the entire street. "I'll make you a deal. You go to the two stores you like and buy anything you want; I'll go to the store I want and buy myself a pair of flip-flops that won't look stupid with nice clothes."

Jamie was fairly sure that flip-flops of that caliber had never been invented, but it was a struggle to get Ryan into anything other than running shoes, so a pair of flip-flops was probably an improvement. "You really want me to buy whatever I want? Anything at all?" Her eyes danced with excitement.

Ryan nodded. "Anything at all. Just make sure we can return things that don't fit."

Suspicious, Jamie said, "So if it fits, you'll wear it."

Holding up her hand as though she were taking a vow, Ryan said, "On my honor."

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After their shopping expedition, Jamie and Ryan went home and decided to go for a swim. From the look of joy on Ryan's face, Jamie was sure that Ryan was never happier than when she was swimming in the nude. She was at her most playful, acting just as silly as she did whenever they had Caitlin. This was the part of Ryan that had been an infrequent visitor since Christmas, and Jamie was happy beyond expressing to have her back. They played like a pair of otter pups, chasing each other around the pool, wrestling playfully. Neither one actually swam much, which surprised Jamie. To the best of her knowledge, Ryan hadn't done anything even vaguely aerobic all day, and she couldn't remember the last time a healthy Ryan had skipped a day of exercising. But there was no sign of the ridiculously determined athlete in this smiling, naked woman who looked like she just wanted to have fun.

"Lie on your stomach and put your hands out in front of you," Ryan instructed. "I want to see how aerodynamic I can make you by pushing you around by your feet."

"How will I breathe?"

Ryan huffed out a long breath. "It's silly questions like this that frustrate scientists." Her serious mien disappeared and she jumped out of the pool to go to a teak locker on the deck. As expected, the locker was filled with toys, one of them a child's snorkel. It had probably been around since Jamie's youth, so Ryan jumped in and tested it and found it still acceptably watertight. "Here you go."

Jamie put it in her mouth, stretched her arms out in front of her, and floated on her stomach, waiting for Ryan to take over. For the next half hour, Ryan pushed her around the pool, adjusting the angle of her head, her arms, the tilt of her hands and the way she clasped them together. Finally Ryan stopped and turned Jamie over onto her back, where she floated peacefully.

"I could do a lot better job with fiberglass, but I think I got you at a pretty good angle." She looked very pleased with herself. Pulling her legs up in front of herself, Ryan lazily turned onto her back, holding hands with Jamie. They floated around for quite a while, neither talking. Finally Ryan said loudly, so she could be heard, "This is the life."

It was the most positive thing Ryan had ever said about the Evans' way of life, and Jamie felt strangely optimistic that Ryan might one day get over her enmity towards wealth and leisure.

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They'd been in the water for so long that their fingers were starting to prune. Ryan got out first and pulled a few bath sheets from a tower of them. Looking childishly playful, she went outside. Unable to resist, Jamie jumped out of the pool and followed her.

Ryan put one of the big towels on the lush green grass and she pointed at it. "Why don't you lie down right here and relax in the sun for a few minutes." She put her hands behind her back and gave Jamie a supremely innocent smile.

"There's only one towel down. Where will you be?"

Ryan pointed at the two that were still folded. "It's all taken care of. Just lie down now."

Knowing something fun was in the offing, Jamie lay down and looked up at her partner.

"Hmm, your skin is very fair. I don't want you to get burned." She shook out one of the towels and placed it over Jamie's head, pulling it down to her knees. "That's much better."

"Ryan, there's a towel over my face.'

"Hmm, what to do? I don't want that to annoy you, but I don't want you to get burned. Maybe I can think of some way to distract you."

Jamie could see it coming a mile away, but she would be the last to complain. Ryan positioned herself somewhere below the end of the towel and gently spread Jamie's legs apart. Starting at her knees, Ryan started to kiss the water droplets from her thighs, slowly and deliberately making her way to her goal. Jamie used her hands to tent the towel up so that it wasn't directly on her face. Her skin was fair enough that it would burn in the time she expected this activity to take, so she placidly lay there under the fluffy cotton and let Ryan work her magic.

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On Wednesday, Jennie walked over to Catherine's house as soon as her classes were finished. School was out every day at noon, but she'd told Sandy not to expect her before eight p.m. Staying away from the group home was her intent, and she'd planned carefully.

Going to Catherine's after school was a perfect was to kill at least four hours. If she was lucky, Catherine would invite her for dinner, keeping her out until she absolutely had to get home. If she couldn't stay for dinner, she could wander around Oakland until eight, looking for a friend from her old neighborhood.

No matter when she went home, she was determined never to have to eat with her roommates. That pledge was slightly less firm than the one she'd made to never to be alone in the house with Pebbles, but it was still important. She knew that Ryan wouldn't like her wandering around for a few hours every afternoon, but she had to protect herself. There was only so much even Ryan could do.

There had been no evidence yet that anyone knew that Ryan had gotten involved in getting her a new roommate. Most of the girls in the home were okay, but a couple of them were always looking for trouble. And finding someone in the house who had gone to an outsider for assistance would not be looked upon favorably.

She got to Catherine's at about twelve-thirty. As always, Marta answered the door with a welcoming smile. "Come in, come in. I've been expecting you." She put her arm around the girl and gave her a quick hug. "What would you like for lunch? I can make anything you would like."

Jennie thought for a minute, then said, "Can you make me a hamburger?"

"Of course. I was just going to make lunch for Conor. He's here working on the house, you know. You two can eat together."

"Cool. I'll go up and see what he's doing."

Jennie dropped her book bag by the front door and dashed up the stairs. Conor was alone, doing some demolition of the walls in Catherine's proposed library. He wore a big pair of clear glasses and a pair of earmuffs to protect his hearing from the noise. A big electric saw was buzzing through drywall when Jenny appeared in his peripheral vision.

He turned off his saw and smiled at the girl. "Look what the cat dragged in." His voice was atypically loud, then took off his earmuffs. "I was just going to have lunch. Are you going to join me?"

"Yeah. Marta is making me a hamburger."

"Run down and tell her to make me the same thing. I don't want her to have to go to too much trouble."

Jennie smiled at him. "She likes to go to trouble. She never gets to do any work for Ms. Smith. She's one of those people who likes to be busy. You know."

He nodded. "My father and my aunt are just like that. They're not happy if they're not busy. I've never understood that," he said, chuckling. "Do you want to help me out today? I could always use a demolition assistant."

Her eyes grew wide, "I'd love to."

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh." A guilty look stole over her face. "I'm supposed to be doing my homework. I have to go to summer school."

"I had to go to summer school almost every year. I was always doing something wrong and screwing up. What are you taking?"

"One really horrible math class and one really fun drawing class. It's not too bad. Ryan's trying to help me get organized so I can be better in math."

"I'm pretty good at math. If you need any help, I could take a peek."

Looking charmingly shy, Jennie said, "Okay. If you don't mind."

"I don't mind a bit, kiddo." He put his saw on the floor and unplugged it, then removed his glasses and flicked the dust out of his hair and off his shirt. "Let's go down and eat, then you can do your homework. If you have any free time, you can help me out. I've got to get finished with the demo today because my cousin's coming tomorrow to start rewiring the place."

Jennie gave him the expression she usually used only for Ryan, the one that most people would translate as "gosh, you're cool".

As she usually did, Marta left the room while they were eating, despite their pleading that she stay. Once she'd gone, Jennie said, "If I'm here alone, she'll stay, but if Ms. Smith is here, she won't. It's like she doesn't think it's allowed. I hate that she acts like she's a servant."

"Well, she is." When Jennie looked at him with wide eyes, he explained, "I don't mean anything bad by that. I think that's the way she sees herself fitting into the household. She certainly isn't a member of the family, even though Jamie and Catherine think of her that way. I think it's really tough to live in somebody else's house when you're an employee."

"Do you think she has to work here?" Jennie asked a little plaintively.

Conor was chewing and he waited until he had swallowed to reply. "I'd say this is one of the best jobs for a cook anywhere in the world. She does almost nothing and has a fantastic house to herself almost all of the time. I don't think you have to feel sorry for Marta. But a lot of those kids she looks after down in the South Bay have a tough life. It's no fun to be born into a third world country and that's where most of those people she mentors come from. We've got a lot of problems here, but we don't have anything near the problems they have south of the border."

"Why do you know so much about it? Have you been there?"

Conor smiled and shook his head. "Not really. I've been to Mexico, but only for fun. Most of the guys I work with are from Mexico though, and they all grew up a lot poorer than I can even imagine."

"My new roommate is from Guatemala, but I don't know anything about her."

"Did you just meet?"

"No. She's been at the home for a while but she doesn't speak very much English." She shrugged. "She doesn't like me."

"How do you feel about that place?"

"The group home?"

When Conor nodded, Jennie looked down at her plate and used her fork to play with the coleslaw that Marta had made. Finally she said, "I don't know. It's good in one way. I never get yelled at or hit. But sometimes I'd rather be home. Even when my mom's mean, she's still my mom. You know?"

She looked at him with her big blue eyes and the lost look in them would have brought a tear to most people. Conor pursed his lips and nodded. "I know. I guess it'll never be home for you."

"No, it's not home. They give you meals and there's a TV, but I'm not friends with anybody. Since I came over to San Francisco to go to school, they think I'm an outsider. And I get nicer stuff than most of them because of Ms. Smith, and that pisses some of them off. I'm really surprised I still have my computer and the other stuff Ms. Smith bought me for Christmas. There's a couple of girls who like to take anything that's nice and ruin it, just so you can't have it."

"How do you protect your stuff?"

"I keep it with me all the time. I have a backpack and I keep my computer and drawing stuff in it. I even take it into the shower with me. That's the only room with a lock on the door," she added.

Conor looked like he was angry but he didn't say anything. He just continued to eat his hamburger.

Jennie finally said, "It's not bad. Don't tell Ryan."

"I won't tell her anything." He gave the girl a half smile. "Sometimes you have to be careful with what you tell Ryan. If you tell her something is bothering you, she'll figure out a way to fix it. Even if you don't want her to."

Jennie smiled up at him. "I already figured that out."

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That night, without a raised eyebrow or word of complaint, Ryan put on the dress Jamie had bought her. Normally Jamie wouldn't have been so bold, but Ryan had given her carte blanche, and she was sure Ryan would look fantastic in the dress she'd bought. It was short, so short that almost a foot of Ryan's thighs were displayed. It was also remarkably feminine, made of a delicate, light blue print fabric with a plunging neckline. Jamie was one hundred percent sure that this was something Ryan would never have picked for herself, but it was something that she knew would look wonderful on her. Getting Ryan into dressy clothes was always a fight, so she had decided that she might as well make the fight worth the reward. When she saw Ryan in the dress, she knew she would put up a very good fight to see her in this outfit more often.

"Does this work?" Ryan ran a hand over her breast, showing that she was braless.

"It does for me," Jamie said, trying not to leer. The neckline went to a V in the middle of Ryan's sternum, and any bra she owned would show. "I can offer an easy solution." She went to the dresser and sorted through the top drawers, murmuring a quiet, "Ah-ha!" She walked back over to Ryan, holding a pair of flesh-colored disks. "Nipple covers."

Ryan took the silicone pads in her hand. "Weird." She explored them carefully. "How do they stay on?"

Jamie took one and warmed it between her hands. "Body heat." She slipped the dress from Ryan's shoulder, applied the cover to her nipple and smoothed it down so it adhered. "No adhesive. Cool, huh?"

Ryan tentatively brushed her fingers over her nipple, unable to make it harden and pop the cover off. She smiled at Jamie. "I might wear these every day."

"No way. I love seeing those hard nipples. I just don't want everyone to see them, which they would through this thin fabric."

Once both covers were in place, Ryan did a slow spin, making the fabric flare out around her thighs. Smiling seductively, she asked, "Do I look good?"

This was the attitude that Jamie was unable to resist. It was clear that Ryan knew she was a good-looking woman, but equally clear that her knowledge of this fact was just that-a fact. It had always been clear to Jamie that Ryan wasn't overly invested in her looks, and that made her rare preening all the more adorable.

Jamie put her arms on Ryan's hips and held her at arm's length, devouring her with her eyes. "I've never seem a more beautiful woman," she said, looking perfectly sincere. "If you were a bad tempered jerk I'd still be a very lucky woman." She giggled at the mere thought.

"I'm sure you're wearing some old rag you've had since you were in high school," Ryan said with a straight face. "But you look delicious in it."

Jamie kissed her tenderly, letting her tongue run over the shiny lips to which Ryan had just applied gloss. "Let's go to a drive-through, grab a burger, and get back here."

Ryan held her in her arms and chuckled. "First, we dine."

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Following behind Ryan as they were shown to their seats, Jamie studied her, seeing how she altered her gait to walk in a dress. The change wasn't dramatic, mostly because Ryan had been able to find a pair of black flip-flops that showed just a narrow band of black leather. Since she didn't have to wear heels she was able to walk in her normal fashion, but Jamie noted that her stride was a little shorter and her hips swayed just a little more than usual. For a change, it didn't annoy her when every man in the restaurant discreetly followed Ryan with his eyes. They were only human.

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They'd only been home a short time before Ryan got a devilishly hungry look in her eye and she moved Jamie all around the first floor as she slowly stripped her. The energy that was pouring off her was incandescent and by the time she was fully naked Jamie was ready for anything. Surprisingly, Ryan picked her up and put her on the bar in the den. It seemed like an odd place, but once Jamie's legs were wrapped around Ryan's shoulders they could have been in Buckingham palace and she wouldn't have noticed the Queen having tea…in the nude.

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The next morning was clear and bright and Jamie woke up alone. "Honey?" she called out groggily.

Ryan popped into the room, putting the finishing touches on her ponytail. "Ready for breakfast?"

Jamie sat up and rested her weight on an elbow. "You're bright eyed and bushy tailed."

Turning to twitch her butt, Ryan said, "Let's eat, and then go play golf. It's a great day for it."

"Golf?" Jamie's expression was one of pure joy. "You really want to play golf?"

She asked the question the way a child would ask if they were really going to Disneyland. Smiling broadly, Ryan said, "I already called and got us a tee time. Can you be ready in an hour?"

Jamie leapt out of bed, stopped to give Ryan a quick kiss, then headed for the shower, singing a happy tune.

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They spent the afternoon swimming again, but just like the day before, Ryan didn't do a single lap. She was behaving like a normal person on vacation, stunning Jamie more with every passing hour. When they were done playing in the pool, Ryan brought out a chilled bottle of white wine and a pair of glasses. They sat out in the warm afternoon sun, with Ryan keeping her chair in the full sun while Jamie found shelter in the shade of the building. Ryan had her feet on Jamie's lap, and by the time they were finished with their first glass of wine, she was determinedly trying to flick Jamie's nipple with her big toe. She had a devilishly playful look on her face and when Jamie got up and excused herself to use the restroom, Ryan followed right behind her. Jamie used the bathroom in the pool house with Ryan standing outside, scratching on the door like a dog.

"As soon as you get out here, I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and make you my woman!"

Jamie was laughing out loud, finding the way Ryan made these pronouncements hilarious. It was clear she meant what she said, but the way she said it was so silly, so un-Ryanlike, that it tickled her funny-bone.

Since it was clear that Ryan meant business, Jamie quickly showered off, always trying to give her partner a clean canvas upon which to work. She opened the door and posed in the doorway, trying to look seductive. "Where do you want me?" she asked in her sexiest voice.

Ryan leaned over and grasped her around the thighs, then stood up, letting Jamie dangle down her back. As Ryan headed for the closest bed, she kept turning her head to take big, playful bites out of Jamie's butt. "I'm not sure where I'm going," she said, laughing at herself, "but I sure am in a hurry to get there."

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By six o'clock Jamie was loved out. She lay on the pool-house guest bed with her head hanging off the edge. "We should have eaten before we came to bed. Now I'm starving and I don't want to wait until a decent hour to have dinner. You didn't make reservations anywhere, did you?"

"No, but I have plans."

After a quick trip to a fresh fish store, Ryan drove Jim's GTO to the spot where she and Jamie had performed their unofficial wedding ceremony a year earlier. The evening was perfect. For a change, the wind was blowing from the land toward the sea, making it unseasonably warm and dry. As they looked down at the shore, they saw that everyone within their view had a camera. It was such a good day that even the locals wanted to memorialize it.

Ryan had rechilled their wine, and Jamie poured some for them while Ryan got busy opening the little containers they'd bought. They were each working, not paying much attention to their position; they wound up on their knees, almost facing each other.

Ryan held her glass in one hand and touched Jamie's face gently with the other. "Here's to us," she said, her voice rough with emotion. "Here's to every glorious day we've had together, and the inglorious ones too. I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world."

Jamie clinked her glass against her partner's and each took a sip. "You are my life, Ryan O'Flaherty, and the day I met you put me on a new path that I will forever be grateful for."

"We both did pretty well for ourselves."

Ryan was smiling so sweetly that Jamie had to put her glass down and then take Ryan's and settle it on the ground also. They wrapped each other in tender hugs and started to kiss, completely forgetting how hungry they both were. Soon they were lying on their sides, gently exploring each other's mouths, as though that were the only destination in their universe.

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On the way home, Jamie kept spreading cheese on crackers and popping them into Ryan's obligingly open mouth. "You're going to lose five pounds if I don't start feeding you."

"I haven't missed a meal yet. I'm not convinced I'm gonna miss this one, either," she said, smiling. "It's just a little delayed."

"Do you want to stop somewhere and get something more substantial?"

"No. I've come to like eating fruit and cheese and bread. It's really starting to grow on me. Just don't think we can ever get away with this if any of my brothers or my father are around. No matter how much fruit you have, it's just a snack."

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They had one more day of vacation and Ryan began the day just as she had the previous one. "Golf?" she asked happily as soon as Jamie opened her eyes.

"Are you sure you want to play golf again? We could go to the ocean. You could go surfing."

"Nope." Ryan didn't look even vaguely interested. "Now that your arm is okay, you need to get back into golf shape. And even though I'm never going to be in golf shape, I can certainly improve my game if I put my mind to it."

Batting her eyes, Jamie said, "Are you sure you're not just doing this for me?"

"Nope. It's not as fantastic today as yesterday, but it is still darned nice. I can't think of many things I'd rather do than be outside with you."

Jamie put her feet on the floor and walked over to revel in the warm hug she knew Ryan would have for her. "You are a most excellent girlfriend."

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That evening found them at the most exclusive restaurant within thirty miles. Jamie had to use her father's name to get a table, but it was worth it. Ryan looked magnificent in the very thin, black, V-necked sleeveless sweater Jamie had bought for her along with the slim fitting white slacks. Ryan hadn't even complained when they had to go to a local seamstress to have the slacks altered to fit. Even though it was a rush job, the seamstress had been happy to make the alterations, and even happier with the tip Jamie gave her.

When they were shown to their table Ryan didn't even open her menu. As their server approached, Ryan said to Jamie, "Will you order for me?"

"Sure. But what would you like to drink?"

Placidly, Ryan said, "Whatever you think I should have."

Jamie took her at her word and ordered as she would have before they'd met. She paid no attention to prices, only tried to find what would best pair with the wine she had her eye on, a vineyard she was very fond of. The sommelier came by and agreed that the wine she was interested in would be a great companion to the West Coast oysters but that it might be too acidic for those from Japan. Ryan sat there looking interested, but not offering her opinion.

When Jamie had made her decision, she sat back in her chair and smiled at her partner. "I don't know why, but I really like ordering. I think it's cool that you sat back and let me do it."

"That's what makes a good marriage. You need to do the things that you like to do, and I need to do the same." Ryan leaned over and whispered, "One thing I really like, and I think I'm pretty good at, is getting my tongue right into that little spot..."

The sommelier re-appeared, hovering just out of hearing distance, waiting to pour the wine. Ryan sat up and nodded at him so that he approached. "We'll get back to that point a little later," she said to Jamie with a wink.

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Ryan let Jamie get all the way upstairs, but as soon as she had started to undress, Ryan swooped up behind her and took over. Neither of them had had too much to drink, but the wine had loosened them up. Not that Ryan could get much looser than she had been. She grabbed the blanket from their bed and took it, and a couple of pillows, as she grasped Jamie and headed downstairs. There she opened the door to the patio with the glass panels.

Even though there was a moon, there was very little to see in the darkness of the night. Ryan had taken that into account. She urged Jamie to lie down on the chaise, and then she put the pillows on the ground and knelt on them. As Ryan started to kiss her way to her favorite spot, she said, "Look up at the stars. If you counted every one of them, that would be a fraction of a percent of how much love I have for you."

Letting out a soft sigh, Jamie said, "I don't care if nine tenths of what you say is bull; I love to hear it." She laughed, the sound turning into a giggle when Ryan started lapping her thighs like a playful puppy.

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The next morning Ryan got up early once again and made a hearty breakfast. The plan was to get going early so that Ryan could go by and check on Jennie again. They both ran up and down the stairs at least seven times, trying to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything. Ryan was loading their bags in the car while Jamie did one final search.

In Catherine's office, Jamie found Ryan's omnipresent date book next to the laptop. Ryan had obviously used some of her early morning time to check her mail. Jamie was facing in the same direction as the writing, and she couldn't help but let her eyes focus on the bold handwriting. In one-inch tall letters, Ryan had scrawled across two pages: "Don't be so self-involved."

Jamie wanted to close the book, but her curiosity would not let her. In smaller print but underlined was "Go out for meals." Her heart sank, and then she felt as if she'd been kicked in the gut when she read the next words: "No real exercise!"

She was heartsick. Ryan had been doing only what she thought Jamie would like. She was "behaving", acting like a child before Christmas who wanted to make sure she got a particularly good gift.

The last words, written in red, hurt the most: "Initiate lovemaking." "Initiate" was underlined several times.

Jamie sank down into her mother's desk chair wondering what part of their trip had been genuine. Was it all just something that Ryan had to write down in her calendar? Was none of it what she felt in her heart?

Ryan called from the first floor, "Are you ready?"

Jamie went to the door. "I need a few minutes. Is that okay? You could go check the pool house to make sure we turned everything off."

"Okay."

She heard Ryan walk across the entryway and then saw the light go on on the keypad by the door showing that Ryan had left the building. Jamie went back into the office and sat down, staring at Ryan's reminders. The last one should have been obvious. "Don't complain about money. AT ALL!" Jamie had known something was up with that, but the rest of the items had her flummoxed.

Her thoughts were a mass of confused messages. She knew how much Ryan loved her, that was beyond doubt, but what if the other things were more like obligations? She sat there quietly, thinking back over the past three days.

Ryan was not particularly good at hiding her feelings, and Jamie was certain that she would've noticed if any of part of the past days had been a strain on Ryan. She was certain they'd had fun when they were golfing, and just as certain that Ryan truly enjoyed their meals out. No one could make up the kind of enthusiasm she had exhibited for those expertly prepared meals. And even though she tried to hide it, Jamie could tell that Ryan got a certain amount of pleasure out of strutting around in her new dress, even though it was clear she was most interested in

attracting Jamie. And even if she had to remind herself to initiate lovemaking, there was no pretending in her excitement or her enjoyment. You just couldn't make that stuff up.

Jamie stood up and slapped the book closed, deciding that the spin she put on the situation had a great deal to do with how she felt about it. The fact that Ryan had tried very hard to make this a good vacation for her was a very loving act. And any woman who would complain about generous, loving acts was a fool.

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They got back early enough to go by Catherine's house and check on Jennie and her progress. They were pleased to see that she had kept up with all her schoolwork, and had even managed to do her homework for Monday.

"Tomorrow I'm going to go work with my cousins on that apartment building we bought," Ryan said. "And Jamie's going to go with her mom to go look at some places to have our wedding reception. Do you have any interest in joining one of us?" She waggled her eyebrows up and down a couple of times as though Jennie's answer was pre-ordained, which, in fact, it was.

Jennie gave Jamie a quick look and said, "What you're doin' sounds like a lot of fun, but I'd rather go with Ryan, if that's okay."

Ryan looked shocked. "I was sure you were going to want to go with Catherine and Jamie. I guess I don't know you as well as I think I do."

"Did you really think that?" Jennie asked, looking at Ryan with puzzled confusion.

"Nah. I had a pretty good idea you'd rather hang out with the guys. Can Jamie and I give you a ride home? We're going to go over to Berkeley to check our mail and take care of a few things."

"Sure. Let me call the car guy and tell him he doesn't have to come."

When Jennie had made her arrangements, they all went up and said good-bye to Catherine and Conor, and then left for Oakland, where Jennie's group home was. For a change, Jennie was there in time for dinner, and Sandy was just starting to round up the girls to get ready for the meal. Jennie's new roommate, Sabrina, was sitting on the front porch, looking world-weary and much older than her sixteen years. When Ryan went in to talk to Sandy about having Jen with her for the next day, Jamie stayed outside. In Spanish, she said, "Hi, my name is Jamie. I don't think we've met before."

The girl looked at her, then looked away, saying nothing.

"Jennie is my friend and she tells me she's your new roommate."

Not looking back, Sabrina said, "So?"

"So nothing. I was just trying to be polite."

Frostily, Sabrina said, "Maybe you could butt in again and I could have another person in my room."

"I didn't butt in," Jamie said truthfully. She didn't add that Ryan had. "Do you not want Jennie there?"

"No, I don't want her or anybody else there. My girlfriend is very jealous and she doesn't want me living with anybody else."

Jamie was surprised at that statement, and spent a moment thinking of how to respond. It hadn't dawned on her that it didn't really matter if you were talking about heterosexual or homosexual couples; at this age, they were all trouble. "Were you the only girl who was living by herself?"

Sabrina looked at her and her expression slowly turned into a haughty smile. "After Juana got finished kicking Josie's ass, I was. If she ever sees Jennie around, she'll kick her ass, too. Lucky for her, Jennie doesn't go to our school."

Jamie thought that it was lucky for Jen on many levels that she didn't go to that particular Oakland high school. "If you honestly think Jennie is in trouble, I'll talk to Sandy about seeing if we can move her."

"She's not going to put her back with Pebbles, and she's got the only single now. Nobody else wants to room with Pebbles either. She's very fucked up."

"So Jen either has to stay with you and risk getting beaten up, or stay with Pebbles."

She didn't finish her thought so the girl finished it for her. "And get raped."

She laughed, the sound so bitter and cold that it sent shivers down Jamie's spine.

Jamie felt like beating her head against the porch, but it seemed like that was what the young woman wanted so she tried to act cool. "I guess Jenny had better take her chances with getting her ass kicked. But you should remind your girlfriend that Ryan has been kicking ass for a very long time."

"Juana is in a gang. Does your girlfriend carry a knife?"

The casual yet bitter way she said this made Jamie quake. She had to force her voice to be calm. "She doesn't need to." With that she got up and went into the house, hoping she and Ryan could leave without her grabbing Jennie, throwing her into the car, and never returning.

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Jamie was silent on the way home and when they got back to the house, she and Ryan sat down and had a very long talk about the situation. Their talk didn't lead them to much of a resolution.

It was clear they were not the right people to be Jennie's permanent guardians. Besides the fact that they were too young, the court would never permit it. Giving permanent custody of an almost fifteen year old lesbian to a twenty-two-and twenty-five-year old lesbian couple was not the kind of thing that would escape unnoticed. And every state bureaucracy always had the underlying goal of not doing anything that would look too bad if it came out in the papers.

Jennie's mom had made it clear that she didn't want her daughter back. Jennie's father hadn't said it in so many words, but his actions indicated the same lack of parental desire. Plus, his current wife wanted nothing to do with Jennie, and the feeling seemed mutual. That left very few options, other than constant vigilance, something Jamie hated having to commit to.

Jennie was important to her, and Jamie wanted her to be safe and secure, but it was so difficult to supervise her from afar that Jamie hated being put in the position of having to do just that. Neither she nor Ryan could see another way out. Also hanging over the proceedings was the possibility of Jennie having to leave the group home and go back in the system to be sent to another foster home. It hadn't worked out the previous three times and there was no reason to believe it would work out a fourth time.

Glum, they went into the kitchen and started to prepare dinner, both of them quiet and introspective.

"I've known Jen for less than two years," Jamie said reflectively. "Can you imagine how much more invested you'd be in your own kids? God." She shivered. "The responsibility must be overwhelming."

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The next morning Ryan rode her motorcycle over to Jennie's home. She went in and talked to Sandy, making sure she didn't mind having Jen ride on the back of the bike. She knew she should have done that the other day when she picked her up from school, so she was trying to make amends for her oversight. Luckily, Sandy didn't have a problem with it so long as Jennie wore a helmet. Properly protected, they got on the bike and went over to the Mission District, site of the O'Flaherty family project.

Most of the cousins had been working on the house every available weekend since they had bought it, but they were still deep in the demolition phase. They'd gotten a pretty good set of working plans from their architect and they were fairly happy with them, but to turn the little rabbit warrens into apartments that would be desirable enough for yuppies to rent was not a small task. There were boarded up staircases, rickety staircases put in places they didn't belong,

bathrooms shoved into corners that had never been properly plumbed, and such a mess of electrical wiring that all of the boys were surprised the place was still standing.

When they were finished with demolition, they expected to have mostly outside walls and interior floors left standing. They weren't completely sure that the top floor would remain. No one was looking forward to putting in a new floor, but there was so much damage to the current one they might not be able to save it.

Ryan and Jennie got to work removing drywall from a room that had clearly been added sometime in the last thirty years. As per Jamie's instructions, they both wore respirator masks so they wouldn't inhale anything toxic. Ryan showed Jen how to use a screwpull and hammer to pull off the drywall and remove any exposed nails, then they put on their safety glasses and got to work, each paying close attention to her work and not speaking for several hours.

At the end of the day they were both dirty, dusty, filthy messes, and when Jamie and Catherine came to the job-site at about four o'clock, they were both too tired to muster up much enthusiasm for the Smith/Evans women's tale of their difficult day.

"We went to three different places, and none of them was quite right," Jamie said. "We had to eat canapés and try the steak and try the fish and try some of the cake. It was terrible," she said, putting on the drama for Ryan's sake.

"That doesn't sound that hard to me," Jennie said seriously.

Catherine laughed. "I think you two should come over to my house for dinner. Marta can get you all fixed up with anything you'd like, and Jamie and I can sit and watch you, since we're too stuffed to eat another bite." there was a twinkle in her brown eyes and it drew a weary laugh from both Ryan and Jennie.

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Ryan and Jennie were too dirty to go directly to Catherine's, so they stopped at the O'Flaherty house to clean up before dinner. Conor wasn't at home, so Jamie found some of her smallest clothes and set Jennie up to shower in Conor's room. When Jamie went back downstairs, Ryan was dawdling a little and hadn't yet taken off her clothes.

Jamie went up to her and put her hands on Ryan's hips, looking up at her with a devilish smile "If Jennie wasn't here, I'd peel these dirty clothes off you and have my way with you in the shower."

"I'm so glad we don't have kids. Jennie's almost fifteen, and yet you have to watch her as close as you'd watch Caitlin."

She started to slide her arms around Jamie, who danced away saying, "I don't want to have to send my clothes to the dry cleaner. In my fantasy, I take my clothes off first."

"It always surprises me that such a clean woman likes it when I'm filthy."

"I'm sure it's just because you look so butch when you look like a laborer. I find women who work in blue-collar and no-collar jobs much sexier than the ones who look like they never break a sweat."

Ryan turned for the bath, chuckling to herself as she went. "Damned lucky for me."

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Ryan wasn't particularly surprised to see her brother at Catherine's. He was trying to work in the renovations on her library while keeping up with his regular job, and the only way to get this job done was to not work on the apartment building. The rest of the cousins understood, as they all would have done the same thing if a job for a family member had popped up.

But Ryan was a little surprised, and a little annoyed, to find Conor in the kitchen with Marta. Leaning against the counter, he was chatting with her and was in the process of swiping a carrot right before Marta was ready to chop it.

Marta playfully slapped his hand, then turned and said to Ryan, "Your brother is the only person I've ever met who eats more than you do."

Ryan went up to her brother and slugged him on the shoulder, making him a wince and rub the spot.

"What was that for?"

"Marta wanted to do that, but she's too polite." Ryan ducked her head down and kissed Marta on the cheek. "Don't encourage him. Feeding him is like feeding a stray cat-you'll never get rid of him."

Laughing, Marta said, "Oh, I like him. When he and Jennie are here, I actually get to cook."

"Yes, but it's not your job to cook for him." She gave Conor a narrow eyed scowl. "He's supposed to be an adult, and he can fend for himself."

He glanced sideways, seeing that Marta wasn't looking, then he flicked his fingers hard across Ryan's cheek. She flinched and blinked to get the tears out of her eyes. She was about to pop him one when she remembered where she was. She glared at her brother. Conor wore the same happy look he always had when he'd gotten one of his siblings good and knew they couldn't retaliate. She'd seen that superior look thousands of times, but she was fairly sure he'd seen the same look in her eyes on an equal number of occasions. To avoid temptation, she opened the refrigerator and took out a beer. Staying away from Conor, she sat on the other side of the kitchen island and watched Marta work.

"I can't tell what you're making, but it looks good."

"I am making paella. Your brother was nice enough to go to the market and get some sausage."

"It's nice to know he's not totally useless.' Ryan gave Conor a sickeningly sweet smile.

Jamie and Catherine entered the room followed closely by Jennie. Jamie put her arm around Ryan's shoulder. "Drinking again?"

Ryan took a long sip, then handed the bottle to her partner. "Beer is a good analgesic. My shoulders are stiff from working today. The stuff you do in the gym never replicates physical labor."

"You're not too tired to go for a walk, are you?" Jennie asked, looking hopeful. "I've got a lot of catching up to do."

Dully, Ryan looked at her. "Catching up for what?"

"Didn't your aunt tell you? She invited me to do the breast cancer walk with you guys."

Ryan's eyes grew wider and she snuck a quick look at Jamie, who didn't seem to be aware of this development. Ryan took another drink, then sheepishly said, "No, my aunt didn't tell me. I've got some bad news-you've gotta be sixteen to do the walk." At Jennie's crestfallen look, Ryan said, "I'm really sorry, Jen, but you have to have a physical and you have to prove your age."

Disconsolate, Jennie sat on the stool next to Ryan. She let her head fall until it rested atop Ryan's shoulder. "I'm too young for everything."

"Could she volunteer?" Conor asked.

Ryan shot him another scolding look. "No. She's technically old enough, but she has to be with an adult, and we're all doing the walk."

"I'm not," he said. "Hey, Jen, do you want to volunteer with me?"

The girl looked at him as if he'd just tossed her the keys to his truck. "Really? That'd be awesome. We could be there and hang out, and not have to do any training."

Ryan smirked, making eye contact with Catherine. "Two of a kind."

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After dinner, Ryan, Jamie and Conor all went back to the O'Flaherty house. Jamie wore a nice pair of shoes from her outing with her mother, so Ryan dropped her off at the house on her first swing around the block to look for parking. On only her second loop, she found a spot and started to jog home. About a block away from the house, she saw Conor getting out of his truck. Quietly sneaking up behind him, she bent down and gave him a chop across the back of both knees, making him fall against his open door. Her maniacal laugh echoed down the street as she

took off running.

Conor stood up and closed his door. "Truce!" he shouted. "No paybacks."

Ryan slowed down, then turned and tentatively approached him. "When have you ever called for a truce?"

"I'm getting old. Besides, I wanna know why you're pissed off that I was in the kitchen today. I knew I had to ask you when Jamie's not around so you'd tell me the truth."

They started walking to the house and she tried to put her concerns into a cogent statement. "I didn't handle it very politely, but I meant what I said. It's not fair to hang out there and expect Catherine and Marta to feed you."

"What's it to you? Marta's not kidding. She really does love to cook, and she gets bored. I'm hungry after working, so it works out."

"You shouldn't do anything there that you wouldn't do at a relative's house."

"If I was working on Uncle Francis' house and they were getting ready to have dinner, they'd ask me to stay, and I would."

Ryan knew he was telling the truth, but it still bothered her. She wasn't sure what he was up to, but she was fairly certain he was nosing around Catherine, and that was absolutely forbidden as far as she was concerned. She was sure Catherine had too much sense to date Conor, but equally sure Conor lacked enough sense to see himself sitting pretty over in Pacific Heights.

She knew she sounded cranky, but she didn't even try to mask it. "How long are you going to be working on the library? There's an awful lot of carpentry work that needs to be done at the apartment building."

"I know that," he said tiredly, "but I promised Catherine I'd do this long before we bought the building. I can't put her off for as long as it'll take us to fix that place up."

"I'll come by and help you. The sooner you're done, the sooner we can make some progress on the big project."

"Don't bother. I've done the demolition, and Kevin has finished most of the electric." He put his arm around her and gave her a surprisingly loving hug. "If you want to hang out, come help me on that Victorian I told you about. We're gonna start in a week or two."

"Okay. Is it in the city?"

"Yeah. Not far from home. I'm gonna take out a staircase and reuse the wood. I could use someone with a light touch." He stopped suddenly and said, "You don't need to get paid, do you? That might be hard to-"

"This is for family," she interrupted. "We don't get paid." His body language changed. She felt it in the tension of the arm that was still around her shoulders. "Is Catherine paying you?"

"You know how she is. She wouldn't let me do it unless she paid me. She had some other guys come out and give her an estimate, and she insists on paying me that much."

"Okay, fine. I know that she's pretty insistent about things like that. So you can take the money she's paying you and put it into the fund for the apartment."

He jerked to a halt. "What? Are you shitting me? I'm killing myself working two jobs!"

"Doesn't matter. It's not fair for you to spend your spare time working on a side project that you get paid for when the rest of the family is working on the apartment building. It's just not fair."

"You can't make me do that. And if you tell the others, you'll look like a snitch. Everybody hates snitches."

She turned and locked onto his angry glare. "If you don't share, you're a cheat." Patting him sharply on the cheek, she took off for the stairs. "Live with that, bucko."

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The next morning Ryan lingered in the shower, letting the hot water hit the stiff muscles in her shoulders. After she got dressed, she went upstairs to find Jamie starting to make a pot of coffee. Lunging for the can, Ryan grabbed it from her before she could open it.

"What in the hell?"

"We're going out for coffee. If you're not into going, I'll go alone and bring some back for you." She shook the can. "Don't ever use this."

"Ryan, what in the heck is wrong with you?"

Ryan's lips were tightly pursed, and it was clear she was reticent to reveal what was on her mind. She finally said, "I'm not saying who, but one of the boys played a prank the other day, and they used this coffee."

Jamie looked at the can, and said tentatively, "What could you do with a coffee can?"

"Trust me, you do not want to know." Ryan put the can down as though it were a live grenade. "I can't believe those pigs didn't throw it out." She walked into the dining room and picked her wallet out of the bowl. "Do you want to go with me?"

Looking at the can, Jamie said, "I wanna know what they did."

"Trust me, you don't. It will only make you think less of them."

"Come on. It's no fair to keep secrets."

"We live with a couple of them now. The more you know, the more you'll hate it here." She gave her a charming smile. "They're not like humans."

"I was engaged to a man, you know. I know they have their quirks."

"Jack was a Homo Sapien. The boyos…not so much." She started for the door. "I'll bring you a latté. Back in five."

She walked out the front door, counted five, then walked back inside, catching Jamie trying to pry off the lid to the can. She approached her guilty looking lover, took the can, and put it in a garbage bag. "I'm doing this for your own good. One of them opened the can and farted into it. Then he put the lid back on, took it and handed it to another one, saying, "Does this coffee smell funny to you?"

Making a disgusted face, Jamie said, "What happened?"

Chuckling, Ryan said, "I don't know what it is about coffee, but it's one of those things where you stick your nose into it and breathe in deeply. He got a full dose." She was laughing, but she tried to make herself stop when she saw the look on Jamie's face.

"I might vomit."

"That's why I didn't want to tell you. If you'd just walked away from the can, everything would have been fine. You have no one to blame but yourself and your curiosity."

"Which one did it? You've gotta tell me."

"If just one of them was a deviant, I'd tell you. But everyone but Brendan and Rory would do the same thing if he had the chance. Trust no one," she said leaning over and whispering.

"That's just not human," Jamie said, shaking her head as she walked back towards their room.

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Sara Andrews walked into her apartment and dropped her briefcase near the door. She usually changed out of her work clothes immediately, but tonight she sat on the sofa and flipped the switch on her sound system. Ally was going to come over when she was free, but she wasn't due for an hour. The phone rang and she reached over to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sara."

"Siobhán," she said warmly. "How are you?"

"I'm good. I thought I'd call to thank you again for helping me out the other day."

"It was my pleasure. I was sorry you were having trouble, but glad you felt comfortable enough to come here to talk about it."

"Yeah, that's good, right?"

"Very good. So…things are better?"

"Yeah. Much. I haven't thought about the money issue hardly at all, which is progress."

"That sounds good. You'll figure it out as you go along."

"Yeah. Maybe. So, how are you? I don't think I was polite enough to ask when I was over."

Sara laughed. "You're always polite. Th ings are pretty good. We're both committed to becoming closer, and that's the most important thing."

"Oh yeah. You can't get anywhere if you don't have closeness."

"Ally's a great person; I think you know that."

"Sure do."

"But I assume you also know she's got a number of things to work through."

"I do." Ryan could have said much more, but she was uncomfortable doing so on many levels.

"Well, we've got our work cut out for us, but I suppose nothing's easy."

She sounded a little tired, maybe even frustrated. Ryan itched to give her some hope, maybe even tell her about her experiences with Ally, but it just didn't seem right.

"I'd have to say that all of the important things in life take a lot of work. Damn it," Ryan added with a chuckle.

"Damn it, indeed. Thanks for calling, Ryan. Keep in touch."

"I will. Thanks again, and…" She almost asked Sara to give Ally a kiss for her, but that sounded ridiculous. "Take care."

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For a long time, Sara sat there thinking about Ally. Just letting those thoughts enter her head made her stomach tense up, which surprised her. Carefully considering her feelings, she let herself light on the fact that things had been getting better emotionally and worse sexually. She'd been trying to ignore the facts and think about the future, but she was concerned. Very concerned.

Ally had become reluctant to initiate sex, and her libido seemed a shadow of its former self. Sara was more than willing to express her interest, but Ally had become strangely grumpy and was talking about her feelings less as the weeks went on, something that frightened Sara intensely. Keeping secrets was the kiss of death in a new relationship, and she knew Ally was sitting on at least a few.

Looking back at the weeks they'd been having sex, Sara could see the slow diminishing of Ally's pleasure, and her own. The fact that Ally continued to refer to their sexual contact as "play sex" indicated just how meaningless it was to her. They'd been through the facts time and again, but Ally couldn't accept them and that was making Sara crazy. It seemed like they were ideal sex partners, but Ally wouldn't go with her instincts, which she had convinced herself were in some way exploitative of Sara. And nothing Sara could say or do had convinced her that she was wrong.

Sara was startled when the buzzer sounded, amazed that an hour had passed. She buzzed Ally up, smiling when she saw that Ally had brought dinner with her. "This is a great surprise," Sara said to the top of Ally's head over the stairs. "A beautiful woman with carryouts."

Ally got to the landing and placed a quick kiss on Sara's lips. Sara didn't let her get away with being perfunctory. She wrapped her arms around Ally's neck and held her still for a longer, sweeter kiss, pulling away after adding a few light kisses. "Thanks for bringing dinner."

"You're welcome." Ally's accent was stronger than normal, and Sara had learned that often wasn't a good sign.

They went into the kitchen and arranged their food on plates, then went into the living room to eat. The music was still playing, but Ally was so withdrawn and moody that Sara was tempted to turn on the television just to have a human voice fill the room. "Are you feeling okay?" Sara

asked.

Ally's sandy head nodded and she made brief eye contact. "Sure."

Going against her usual instinct, Sara decided to broach the subject. "I know you saw your therapist today. Why don't you tell me about your session?"

Ally blinked at her in surprise. She didn't respond for a few moments, but finally took another bite of her food and said, "More of the same."

"That doesn't give me much."

With a shrug, Ally said, "She doesn't give me much."

Another two or three minutes passed. Sara hoped that Ally would volunteer something, but when she didn't she went back in, even though she was going against her instincts. "Come on. Tell me more. What did you talk about?"

This time Ally didn't look up. She chewed so slowly that Sara wanted to run across the room and pry the food out of her mouth so she didn't have it as an excuse for silence. "We talked about sex, like always."

"Always? Really?"

Another nod. "Since you and I have been together, yeah."

"But not before?"

"Not lately. I mean, not much." Ally moved her shoulders like she was warming up to throw something. "We worked on sexual stuff for years, but it was a little bit on the back burner until I decided I was ready to be in a relationship."

"And that was right when we met?"

"No. A few months before." She made a face at her plate. "I was sure it was gonna be easy after all of the work I'd done, and it started off that way…"

"Then you met me."

Ally finally looked up and faced Sara. She wore the expression that always made Sara's heart melt: a combination of fear and hurt and vulnerability. "Yeah."

"So? What specifically did you talk about? Maybe we can kick it around."

"I'd love to kick it around," Ally grumbled. She took another bite, then pushed her plate away.

She was wearing a pale blue hoodie and jeans along with tan work-boots, and Sara thought she looked adorably butch. Ally slid onto the floor, then brought her long legs up and wrapped her arms around them, facing away from Sara.

"We've been on the same page for weeks. Or maybe months." She sighed heavily, sounding lost. "She's trying to trick me into throwing out my plan and just trying to be who I am."

"Trick you? How does she trick you?"

Her broad shoulders rose and dropped. "When you've been in therapy as long as I have, you recognize their games. She asks questions that force me to give the answers she wants, then she sits there and stares at me." She turned and gave Sara a wide-eyed stare, making her laugh nervously.

"I hope she doesn't actually do that. It's weird."

"No, not like that. But she does try to trick me. You probably do the same thing. Lawyers, I mean. You know the answer you want and you lead your client to say it."

"I'm not advanced enough to trick people yet. Give me time." Sara was smiling when Ally turned and looked at her.

"Well, you'll be good at it."

"Tell me how she leads you." Sara got up and moved to sit on the chair Ally had vacated and started touching her neck and shoulders with her hand. "Just for informational purposes. You never know when I'll have to lead a witness."

Ally laughed just enough to make her body shake a little. "She wants me to admit that I'm trying to change an essential part of myself, so she takes little nips out of me until I get so frustrated that I practically scream that what I'm trying to do is impossible!" As she spoke, her voice got louder and louder. Veins on the side of her neck stood out against her pink skin and her body got noticeably warmer.

Sara kept her hand on her shoulder and pressed gently. "Do you believe that?" she asked softly.

Ally dropped her head. "Yeah," she said in resignation. "Most of the time."

"But it upsets you."

"Hell, yes!" She was at full volume again.

"Then we've got to make a change."

"But what do we do?" Ally asked, thoroughly confused.

Sara sat on her lap and put an arm around her shoulders. She spoke softly, but firmly. "I think we go back to the way you used to make love."

"But it's been months and months since I've done that. I've tried so hard…" She let out a deep sigh of frustration.

"Honey, you've had sex for years. What you did worked, right?" She looked deep into her eyes.

"Yeah. It worked."

"Were you sexually satisfied?"

"Yeah. If I was with someone I knew, I had a great time."

"Great. You know me. We'll bring that old magic back." Ally nodded slowly, adjusting to the idea. Her head snapped up when Sara said, "I think we should start now."

"Now?"

"Right now." She stood up, took Ally by the hand, and led her into the bedroom where she stood motionless, her hands at her sides. "Why don't you undress me now, and talk later."

"Undress you?"

"Uh-huh. All the way to my bare skin. I want to feel my naked body pressing against yours."

"Is there smoke coming out of my ears?" Ally asked dully.

"I've never seen a woman get so excited about business attire," Sara teased, ruffling Ally's soft, fine hair. "See, not all lawyers are boring."

"Damn! I do love to undress a woman, but I think I might make love to you fully clothed."

Sara wrapped her arms around Ally's neck and pulled her close to whisper into her ear, "Why don't you come down to my office some day and do just that. I'd love to sit on the edge of my desk and have you in my chair with your head buried between my thighs."

Without warning, Ally started to quickly strip off every stitch of Sara's clothing; startling her. Then Ally's started to fly off, clothes landing all about the room as they were haphazardly discarded. Before Sara could blink, Ally's strong arms were lifting her, then placing her onto the bed where she proceeded to climb on top of her and kiss her with a ravenous hunger.

"Whoa! What happened to foreplay?" Sara gasped, trying to slow down just a fraction.

"We had it. It was audio/visual, but it still counts."

"You're so damned cute," Sara murmured, trailing her hands across Ally's back.

"Not half as cute as you are. Now give me those beautiful hands and behave yourself. Remember to act like you're submissive." Ally took Sara's hands and placed them behind her head, making her elbows jut out at forty-five degree angles. "Will you be a good girl and leave them there?"

"Promise."

Sara blew her a sexy kiss, her pouty lips making Ally's knees weak.

Straddling Sara's hips, Ally looked down and let herself take in the delights on display to her. The angle of her arms showcased Sara's breasts in a beautiful manner, and Ally couldn't help but admire them at length, using her hands and her mouth. "I love how you look in a bra, but I love these more," she murmured, her mouth nearly full to bursting with the tender flesh that she was worshiping.

As Ally delved into the wetness, she firmly grasped Sara's hips, preventing her from moving them an inch. The powerful force being applied to her body, and the momentary loss of control, sent Sara's arousal into a tailspin, and she called out loudly, her body climaxing with great, shuddering spasms that shook the entire bed.

With the tiny bit of strength she had left, Sara pulled her hands from behind her head and extended them to her lover, purring with pleasure when Ally climbed up her body and allowed Sara to wrap her in a warm embrace. "I've never … ever … felt anything that powerful," she panted, her mouth incredibly dry. "You were touching my body, but I felt it in my heart." She placed tiny, soft kisses all over Ally's face, murmuring, "It feels so wonderful to be touched by someone you love so much. And right now I want the opportunity to make love to you."

"Uhm…okay."

Ally gave her a tight smile and Sara kissed her gently. "Don't worry. We'll take this slow and easy." Running a hand down Ally's back, which was suddenly coated with a sheen of perspiration, Sara asked, "How many women that you've loved have made love to you?"

"Uhm…really loved? Like, we both declared that we loved each other and were involved in a monogamous relationship?"

"Yeah. That's the general idea," Sara said, smiling at her.

"I guess none." Ally wrinkled up her nose and made a face. "Thank God I don't sound like a slut, huh?"

"That doesn't make you a slut. I wouldn't even go out on a date with the women that I had sex with. What does that make me?"

"Uhm…a closeted slut?" Ally teased, getting a pinch on the waist for her efforts.

"I was asking," Sara said, clearing her throat dramatically, "because I think you're going to find that things will be different for you. We're partners, not just lovers, and we trust each other enough to work through problems. This will work out; I'm absolutely certain of it. Now, let me ask you a really personal question."

"Okay."

"Are there any positions or ways of being touched that remind you too much of…your trauma?"

Ally nodded quickly. "I can't stand to have anyone lie on top of me. Feeling like I'm pinned down makes me crazy."

"Okay. That's not a problem," Sara soothed, stroking Ally's face gently. "I won't ever do that." She gripped the chilled hand and asked, "Anything else?"

"I can't…I can't have your fingers inside of me," she said, her eyes closing against the embarrassment.

Sara fought back the wave of anger she felt welling up inside of her at the beast that had robbed this beautiful woman of her innocence. Impulsively, she wrapped her arms tightly around Ally's waist and soothed, "Don't worry. We can work around that. No big deal."

She sighed, feeling that she herself had been violated by Ally's brother. This stranger had precluded their sharing something that gave her great pleasure, and she realized that in her fantasies she had always dreamed of touching Ally deep inside, imagining her to be soft and smooth and incredibly sweet.

Tearing her from her reverie, Ally gave her a shy, sad smile and said, "It's just human flesh I have a problem with. Inanimate objects are definitely welcome."

"Well, well, well," Sara said, beaming. "I think I've got just the thing for you. How do you feel about dolphins?"

Ally returned her smile. "One of my first toys was a dolphin. Is yours lavender by any chance?"

"I do believe it is. Maybe it's fate," she said softly. "Two women, inexplicably drawn together by their love of a latex lavender marine mammal."

"I love how you can still make me laugh, even though I'm shaking so hard I'd keep coffee awake."

"You're starting to trust me, that's all." Kissing her again, Sara asked, "This might be hard for you to talk about, but where were you when your brother hurt you? Was it in your room?"

Her head nodded. "In my bed." She sniffed away a few tears and added, "I slept on the floor until I left home. I would never get into that bed again unless I was forced to."

In a seeming non sequitur, Sara asked, "Are you warm enough?"

"Yeah." Ally looked at her blankly. "Why?"

"Let's get out of bed. I wanna try something."

Ally didn't comment, but she followed along. Sara led her to a brown leather chair with wide oak arms. She placed a towel on it so the leather wasn't too cold, then urged Ally to sit down. "Mind if I sit on your lap?"

"No, that's good," she mumbled almost robotically. "I like that."

Sara dangled her long legs over one of the arms of the chair. "I've fantasized about sitting on your lap when we're both naked. It's very, very nice."

"It is, isn't it." Slowly, Ally started to look more like herself. She shifted her weight and moved Sara enough to be able to reach her lips. Gentle kisses followed and she slowly stoked the flame of her desire again.

After kissing for a long while, Sara slid off her lap and dropped to the floor, getting on her knees to nestle between Ally's long legs, then started to gently kiss and lick the tantalizing flesh of her breasts.

Ally leaned back and tried to control her breathing, the sensations nearly overwhelming her. Sara was clearly the aggressor, was taking the lead in every way, but having her on her knees in such a submissive posture comforted her in a way that words could not. As the delightful sensations continued to radiate from her breasts, Ally let herself go and allowed her body to soak up the feelings hungrily.

Before long, she had her arms wrapped around Sara and was pulling her in hard, urging her on as the gentle touch got rougher and more frantic. Ally finally pushed Sara away, leaning her head back against the chair as she tried to catch her breath.

"Are you all right?" Sara asked, looking at her with concern.

"Just unbelievably aroused," she drawled. "No cause for alarm."

"Good. 'Cause I've just barely started." Sara dove back in, lavishing her attentions on Ally's breasts, which were obviously very, very sensitive.

"Damn, you're good at that," Ally murmured through a moan.

"Mmm-hmm." Sara's mouth was full, so she just nodded, a grin managing to appear at the edges of her lips. She nearly drove Ally mad with her determined devouring of her tender flesh, and after a very long while she started to work her way down Ally's body, finally kissing her way to the apex of her legs. "We're gonna have to work on the geometry here."

"Let's go to bed," Ally said decisively. "I think I'll be okay."

Hand in hand they went into the bedroom, where Sara put a few pillows on the floor and urged Ally to lie at the edge of the bed. She reached into her bedside drawer, pulled out her dolphin, and winked at her partner. Kneeling again, she placed Ally's long legs over her shoulders and leaned into her. "I've been dying to taste you," she murmured before she pressed her lips against her.

The waves of sensation that enveloped Ally nearly took her breath away. She ran her hands through Sara's chestnut hair, then threaded them through the dark locks, gently guiding Sara's caresses.

She liked a gentler touch than Sara would have guessed, and after a few moments Sara began to understand what Ally needed, and concentrated on giving it to her. She loved her gently, and slowly, letting the sensations build and build.

When she felt Ally's breathing grow ragged, she slid the dolphin into her, pumping it just a few times before Ally cried out lustily, then gently but firmly closed her legs to any further stimulation.

"Can't take any more …" she panted.

Climbing up onto the bed, Sara cuddled up next to her partner. Ally lay on her back, her long legs drawn up at the knee. A light film of perspiration covered her body, and her breathing was ragged and heavy.

"My God," Ally sighed. "You've done this before, haven't you?"

"A time or two." Sara ran her hand up and down the damp skin. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah … yeah … very much. I uhm … think I'm gonna like being topped. It's a whole new perspective."

Kissing along her strong jaw, Sara murmured, "I wasn't topping you, I was loving you."

Smiling broadly, Ally tugged her into place and hugged her so fiercely that Sara wound up sprawled across her body. Sara tried to roll off, remembering the warning to not climb on top, but Ally held her still.

Ally's breathing grew erratic and her heart was beating wildly in her chest, but still she held on-obviously trying to ride out her fears. Finally, she spoke. "You won't hurt me, will you?"

Her voice was so soft and fragile that Sara felt her heart ache, but she controlled herself, allowing her admiration for Ally's bravery to overtake her sympathy for her. She lifted her head and gazed right into the wary gray eyes. "I will not!" she whispered hotly, enunciating her words clearly. "I will never intentionally hurt you. Never."

"I believe you," Ally murmured through her tears. "I trust you, and I swear that nothing has ever felt better in my life."

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They lay together for a very long time, both women lost in their private reflections of what had transpired between them. Ally broke the silence when she quietly asked, "Why do I trust you so much? I'm having a hard time figuring out how you got past my barriers."

Sara rolled over to cuddle up next to her, placing her leg across both of Ally's and tucking a hand around her waist. "Does it matter?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know how electricity works, but I fully expect it to be there when I turn on the light switch. Not knowing how it works doesn't make me worry that it might disappear. I think you should think of me as your electricity. You might not know why it's always there for you, but it is, and it will be there whenever you need it."

She kissed Ally gently, then sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled on it for a moment. "I don't know why I'm attracted to you, but I am-enormously so. I don't know why having you control me turns me on so much, but I'm still throbbing for you. You're not sure why you've made the leap to trust me, but you have. That's all that matters, Ally. You trust me, and I trust you, and we love each other. That's the only thing we have to understand. We're in love." She pulled the larger woman to her and started to kiss her in earnest, and soon Ally's hand slid down and cupped her sex.

"Still throbbing, huh?" her smooth, sexy voice asked.

"Uh-huh." Sara's head dropped back as her eyes closed. Her hips started to move, letting Ally feel her pent-up desire. "My whole body's throbbing … for you."

Ally climbed on top of her, then wrapped her in a very snug embrace, pinning her arms to her sides. Sara felt like she was in a full body straightjacket and the sensation send her arousal skyrocketing. "The tighter you hold me, the more I love it," she moaned, struggling weakly to free herself. "I lie here and dream of throwing you onto your back and having you," she sighed, "and the fact that I can't do that makes me even hotter."

She smiled up at Ally, who was looking at her with lust-filled wonder. "I'm sure there are deep, psychological reasons that I love feeling your power, just like there are reasons you love to exert it, but I don't give a damn what they are. All I know is that I feel more desired and more desirable when I'm in your arms than I've ever felt in my life. That's all of the information I need. You set me on fire, and that makes me very, very happy. You make me very happy, and I'm madly in love with you."

Her expression gentled into a very warm smile and Ally said, "I love you, too. I'm gonna do my best to just love you and stop worrying about why I love you."

With her voice dropping to its sexiest register, Sara batted her eyes and asked, "Why don't you start worrying about how you're gonna love me and get on with it. I'm about to go up in flames here."

"Oh, I know exactly how I'm gonna love you. I'm gonna start out slow … hmm," she said, interrupting herself. "I don't think I want to give my plans away. The element of surprise is always nice, right?"

"Yes," Sara said breathlessly. "Surprise me. I'm sure I'll love anything that your fertile mind can come up with."

Ally tucked her arms tighter around her lover and gave her a hearty squeeze. "Thank you for helping me start to feel like myself again. I'm getting my confidence back."

"Lucky, lucky me," Sara sighed, ready for whatever Ally's confident self was about to give her.

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After an early dinner on Monday night, Jamie went downstairs and found Ryan mumbling to herself as she stood in front of her open closet.

"You don't have to get dressed up. I bet most of the guys will wear jeans."

"The women won't," Ryan said, sounding grumpy. "We're the only gay people; I don't want to look like the stereotypical butch."

Jamie stood behind her and tucked her arms around Ryan's waist. "What's the matter? When Poppa suggested taking this marriage preparation class, you seemed like you were in favor of it."

"It wasn't really a suggestion." Ryan turned around and put her hand on Jamie's cheek, giving it a soft pat. "Your grandfather made it pretty clear to me that he wouldn't marry us if we didn't participate."

Jamie shrugged, looking completely unconcerned. "I think it's a chance for us to get to know each other better. I've been looking forward to it."

"That makes one of us."

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Parking was always difficult around the church, so they decided to take the bus. Actually, they had to take several buses, and even though they had left in plenty of time, they got there at eight o'clock on the button. To Ryan, that meant they were late, even though they were precisely on time. As soon as they saw Jamie's grandfather, Ryan started apologizing, but Reverend Evans waved her off and gave each of them a welcoming hug and kiss.

"We have a bigger group than I expected," Charlie said. "Five couples. I think that will make for some interesting discussions." He led them to a nicely appointed sitting room next to his office. "I think we're all here," he said, and eight pairs of eyes landed on Jamie and Ryan. "This is my granddaughter, Jamie Evans, and her fiancé, Ryan O'Flaherty."

Both of them nodded to the group and Charlie quickly introduced everyone else. When they were all seated, he started the meeting with a prayer, then he asked each couple to talk about how they met and how long they had been together. It was a good icebreaker, and by the time they were done, all of the couples looked like they felt comfortable with one another.

Charlie got up and handed a packet of papers to each of the participants. "If you have friends who have taken this course, I'm sure you've heard about the survey."

The quiet laughs and nodding heads showed that everyone but Jamie and Ryan knew what he was talking about.

"When we first started using this questionnaire, I was very doubtful about its effectiveness, but I've become a believer." He glanced at Jamie and Ryan. "Many people describe this as a compatibility survey, but I think that's inaccurate. I think it's better viewed as a discussion enhancer."

Ryan raised an eyebrow while quickly scanning the first page of the survey. "Or an argument enhancer," she said, looking skeptical.

"It can be that," Charlie admitted. "But the survey covers a lot of things that young couples might not experience in the early years of their relationship. And if one of you feels strongly that earning money is the most important thing, while the other feels that money is the root of all evil, now's a good time to work through that."

All of the participants were paging through the survey and Charlie said, "Spend some time filling this out. When you're finished, I'll have someone go over them and score them. Truthfully, I've never found the score to be predictive of your compatibility as a couple. As a matter of fact, I would ignore the score completely. What matters is that you take the survey home and then spend some time on the items where your views differ significantly. Remember, the survey is only intended as a way to bring up difficult topics that you might not otherwise discuss."

He left them to work on the survey, and when he came back half an hour later, everyone but Ryan was finished. Nine people stood by a small table snacking on cookies and drinking coffee, while one was still deep in concentration, her dark hair shielding her face from view as she leaned over, her face just a few inches from the paper.

Charlie went up behind her and touched her gently on the back, making her flinch noticeably. "I'm sorry, Ryan, I didn't mean to startle you."

She looked around, seeing that everyone else was finished. "I'm almost done. Can I have another minute or two?"

"Sure. Take your time." He walked over to the table and chatted with the other participants. Several minutes passed without her finishing, and he finally went back to Ryan and said, "There's no right answer. I'm sure you've done most of it."

He reached down and started to take the paper, but he had to tug it away from her firm grasp. "It's okay," he said soothingly.

He took hers and all of the other surveys and left the room for a minute. When he came back, they all took their seats again and began to talk about their plans for raising their children in the Church. Just before ten, a woman knocked and came into the room, handing Charlie the surveys. He didn't take the time to look at them, just quickly handed them back to their authors. "Take my advice and look these over carefully. Again, the score isn't important. What's most important is discovering the areas where you have disagreements and then figuring out ways to reach an accord."

Everybody got up and spent a few minutes saying goodbye to one another. After bidding Charlie goodbye, Ryan led the way to the corner then surprisingly turned away from the bus route and headed for the nearest bar. "Where are you going?" Jamie asked.

"I can't wait an hour to see how we did." Jamie gave her a look that clearly questioned her sanity. Ryan opened the door to a fairly dim bar and they found a table for two in an even darker corner. "What'll you have?" Ryan asked.

"This doesn't look like the kind of place that has a good wine selection, so I'll have an Amaretto sour."

Ryan blinked a couple of times, looking like she was going to say something, then went to the bar and ordered Jamie's drink, and an Irish whiskey and water for herself. When she got back to the table, she set down the drinks and went and collected every unused candle that she could find. Taking her seat, Ryan said to Jamie, "I can't believe you didn't even look at those yet. Have you no curiosity?"

Jamie gave her a catlike grin while she took a sip of her drink. "I listened to my grandfather. These are supposed to be discussion aids."

"Ha! This is a test. Let's see how we did." She held the papers up to the dim light then smiled broadly and slapped them against the table. "We did great! We're very compatible. That's the top category." She put the papers down on the table and took a celebratory drink.

Jamie picked up Ryan's test and started to look through it. "I can't imagine what took you so long; the questions weren't difficult."

"Well, first I answered them without thinking much, then I went through and tried to think like you think. I had to change a bunch of stuff."

Jamie looked at her, marveling at the satisfied smile on her lovely face. "Are you insane?"

"What? What?"

"It's not a test." She rolled up the papers and smacked Ryan on the head with them a couple of times.

"It's always a test. They lie to you and say it's not, but it is. Everybody knows it actually is."

"Ryan, we should use this to discuss things we disagree on. The point is not to get a higher score. Nobody's judging us." She sighed heavily and rested her head on the table for a second. "Everything isn't a competition."

Ryan reached across the table and tugged on a lock of Jamie's hair. "We got a really good score, so now we can talk about it."

Jamie looked at her for a few seconds. "I can't tell whether you're being serious or not. Do you really not know it's counterproductive to cheat on a self-assessment?"

Ryan grinned, looking like she'd just heard a hilarious joke. "You can't cheat on a self-assessment. It's not possible." When Jamie's eyes narrowed, Ryan's smile dimmed. "I didn't play around just to get a good score, though that was a tiny bit of it." Again her grin didn't spur Jamie to smile back. "Look," she said, her frustration showing, "this kind of thing isn't for me. I'm never going to be completely candid in front of strangers. Our relationship is none of their business."

Jamie sat back and stared at Ryan, flabbergasted. "You're kidding."

"Not a bit. I love your grandfather, but he doesn't need to know our issues either. No one does."

Slapping the survey papers on the table, Jamie said, "Are you serious about this whole thing?"

"Thing?"

"Getting married. I'm getting a lot of vibes from you that tell me you're not really into it."

"Of course I am. You know how much I want to be married to you! I just don't want to spill my guts in public."

"Fine," Jamie said tiredly. She started to carefully read Ryan's answers. After just a moment, she looked up at her skeptically. "You're familiar with the Anglican church's doctrines of faith?"

"No, but you are. And I know you believe in them." She smiled. "That's cool with me."

"Sweetheart, that's not the point." She said each word slowly, carefully. "The purpose of this exercise is for us to discuss our faith. We're asking my grandfather to marry us in a religious ceremony. He's not acting as a Justice of the Peace."

Now scowling, Ryan said, "I thought we wanted him to marry us because he's your grandfather. That's kinda how I've been proceeding." She worked her teeth over her lower lip for a few seconds. "I feel a lot more comfortable not having God and the Church involved in this. He has civil powers too, right?"

"If you're asking whether he has the ability to marry us under the laws of the state of California, then yes. But that's not what I want. Anybody can do that. You can send away for a certificate and get a license to marry people. I want to be married in the Church, and I want to swear to God that I take you as my spouse." She looked so earnest and sincere that few people would have refused her request.

Ryan was one of those few. "I'm drifting farther and farther away from believing in God-at all. I wish that wasn't true, but it is."

Jamie stared at her, open-mouthed. The seconds ticked away, with her finally saying, "I knew you had doubts…"

"They've grown bigger." She took a drink and set the glass down carefully. Knitting her hands together, she looked at Jamie expectantly.

"Any follow up on that?"

"Sure. If you're interested."

Jamie leaned forward until they were nose to nose. "We're talking about our marriage. Nothing is more important to me."

"Okay, okay." Ryan leaned back, just to have some room to think. "After the carjacking I spent a lot of time thinking about God. I'm not sure when it hit me, but we were down in Pebble Beach at the time." She looked thoughtful, introspective. "It just got clear in my head. A loving God wouldn't put us through what we go through as humans, and I can't even begin to consider a hateful God." She shuddered, and reached for her drink, taking a healthy gulp.

Jamie reached across the table and took Ryan's hand. She put both of hers around it, cradling it for a moment. Not looking up, she said, "I thought you'd taken Theology classes."

"I took two at USF. Why?"

"Mmm, I don't want this to sound harsh, but the way you put it makes it sound like you're looking for a God who's sitting up in heaven and looking down at us, laughing when we fall."

Frowning, Ryan said, "I don't think my views are that simplistic."

"I'm not putting you down; I'd just think that someone like you would have a sophisticated view of creation, something more liberal, in a sense."

"You think that my view of creation is simplistic; what have you got? You've told me you believe in God and that Jesus was his son. That's pretty old school."

"Not really. I don't mean 'son' like Brendan is to your father. And I don't mean 'God' as a being. I fully admit it is too big for me to explain what God might be, much less what He is."

"But you believe in him." Ryan's skepticism was apparent on her face.

"I believe in a creative something that's beyond words. It was before anything else existed. It is beyond my understanding in every way," she took Ryan's hand and lightly tapped it on the table, her eyes fierce with certainty, "but I believe."

"I don't." Ryan looked sad, almost tearful. "I wish I did. I was happier when I was a kid and I believed in everything they taught me at school."

"You grew up. Your views have to grow up too."

"That's twice you've basically said I'm immature in this area. I'm not crazy about that."

Jamie looked down and shook her head. "I'm not explaining myself well. How about this? How can you prove that your thoughts exist?"

"Can't."

"Right. How can you prove you exist?"

"Can't."

"I agree. We think we exist, but it's not so easy to prove. God's like that for me. I believe in a creator as much as I believe in the creation. They're entwined for me, even though I can't prove either one."

"That can't be enough to consider yourself a Christian."

Laughing, Jamie said, "It's plenty. I believe that Jesus was special in some very important way. I believe in his teachings. I'd like to follow his example."

"But you don't have any doctrine in there." Ryan was becoming more playful. She pulled on Jamie's ear and tried to look inside it.

"Coleridge said something like 'Christianity is a life, not a doctrine.' That's how I feel. I'm trying to follow Jesus' precepts. I think that's plenty of bona fides to call myself a Christian."

"That's enough for your grandfather? Does he know you're not into the whole 'God up in heaven' part?"

"Yes, honey. He knows. We've talked about this since I was a little girl. He gave me most of the books that have helped me form my beliefs."

"Huh." Ryan took her last sip of her drink. "Maybe I should read some of those books."

"They're all in Berkeley. I can tell you which ones have most influenced me."

"I'm sure I'm not going to change my mind by August. What does that mean for our plans?"

Looking completely befuddled, Jamie quietly said, "I wish I knew."

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The next morning, even though she was feeling a little sluggish, Ryan laced up her running shoes and started off for a jog. Jamie was still dead to the world, but Duffy was ready and eager to accompany his master. Ryan had kept to her pledge of staying a little closer to home on her runs and keeping her pace moderate, and the dog seemed well able to keep up with her now. They stayed pretty close to home, zigging and zagging along and across familiar streets. It wasn't intentional, but Ryan found herself cruising in front of her father's fire station. To her great surprise, he was sitting in front of the firehouse drinking a cup of tea. The second the dog saw him, Duffy took off in Martin's direction with Ryan gamely following along.

As the dog jumped onto Martin's lap and covered his face with licks, Martin was barely able to say, "You'd better learn to get a handle on this pooch. He is remarkably ill mannered." It was clear he was teasing, since he was roughly running his hands through Duffy's coat.

"He's not so bad. He just loves his grandfather."

"I would love to be hung with that moniker, but I'd prefer that it be for a human. I figure that you and Jamie should have that well in hand with a year or two at the most."

Ryan sat down on the tiny swath of grass that ran along the side of the driveway. She unlaced a shoe and tried to get her sock to lie properly. "We went to our first marriage preparation class last night, and, I haven't checked yet this morning, but I'm not sure Jamie still wants to marry me."

Smiling fondly at her, Martin said, "What terrible thing did you do this time?"

"For a change, I didn't do anything stupid. I thought we did really well because they rated us as very compatible. But there are two areas that we didn't score well in and Jamie seems to think they're critical."

"Do you care to discuss them, or is this just between the two of you?"

"The two of us, Charlie, and four couples we've never met before last night. Apparently in the next class we're going to discuss our surveys and talk about how we plan on working through any problems we have."

She made a face, one that Martin had seen many, many times. "It won't do to already have your dander up about this. If Jamie thinks there are issues, you'd do well to pay attention to her."

"I know we have some things to work on-I assume every couple does-I'm just not crazy about working on them in a group of strangers. I also don't think you have to have everything settled before you get married. Who'd ever get married if you had to have every potential problem worked out first?"

Martin laughed, nodding his head sagely. "Truer words were never spoken. But Charlie seems like a very thoughtful man, and if he didn't think there was any benefit to this class, he wouldn't have urged you do it. So, what are the big issues that Jamie wants to work on?"

Looking a little concerned, Ryan said, "I guess they are pretty big issues. One is religion and the other is money."

"From what I've heard, those are the two biggest issues for most people, especially if they're marrying outside of their own faith."

Ryan chuckled at that, thinking that the differences between the Anglican Communion and the Catholic Church were relatively minor. Still, her father had a point. "Jamie's been an Episcopalian since the day she was born. She'd really like her grandfather to marry us as an Episcopalian priest. She'd really like it if I believed the same thing she did, but I can't say that I do. I'm willing to overlook this difference, but it really troubles her."

"Well, it would be the same thing in the Catholic Church. You can marry a non-Catholic now, but you have to pledge to raise your children as Catholics."

"They don't want me to sign anything, but Jamie feels that way. She'd like our kids to be Episcopalians, and she'd like me to be one also." She pulled her knees up and rested her chin there, looking forlorn.

"I've been worried about this," Martin said. "I know you have your issues with the Church, but leaving it completely is a very big decision."

Ryan merely nodded, having decided long ago that she didn't want to share her ebbing faith with anyone in her family. This was one area where she thought keeping her own counsel was the only way to go. "So, the religion issue isn't a small one, but the money issue is much bigger."

"We've talked about this many times, darlin'. It's none of your business how Jamie spends her money."

"This is about more than that, Da. We kind of had it out last night after we got home. Both of us put our cards on the table and said what we really wanted. It turns out that Jamie wants to live like she's always lived-have a very nice house, travel, go out for expensive meals, have someone clean our house and wash our cars. The whole enchilada."

"I assume that's an expression. I can't figure what an enchilada has to do with anything."

Laughing softly, Ryan said, "Yes, that's just an expression. It means she wants everything."

"And what do you want, my shy and retiring girl?"

Ryan looked vaguely uncomfortable when she said, "I don't want anything to change. I'm ridiculously happy. We're spending most of our time in the city and I can walk to see anybody in the family, including Catherine. Everything is just like it used to be, with the exception of your being gone, which does put a major crimp in my happiness."

"Do you think I wanted to leave my home? Your aunt has a lovely place, but it's not mine. I don't like having Conor in my bedroom, and I don't like having to come down the street just to have breakfast with my family. But this is what Maeve wanted, and it's more important to me to have her happy than to have my silly little needs be primary."

He got up from his chair and put his teacup on the pavement. Approaching his daughter, he held out a hand and helped her to her feet. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he stood still and looked into her blue eyes for almost a minute. "Are you sure you're ready to consider Jamie's needs as important as your own?"

"Yes! I'd do anything for her, Da."

"You've proven you'd risk life and limb for the girl, but that need doesn't arise very often. What happens every day are the small compromises. Those are what matter in a marriage."

"You don't ask many questions that you don't already have an answer to. Do you think I'm ready for marriage?"

"No, I don't," he said frankly. "You will be in the not-too-distant future, but if I was in charge, I would suggest that you don't get married this summer. You haven't been in enough relationships to know what it takes to make one successful."

Ryan pulled away from his loose embrace and moved back a foot or two. "I think I've sewed enough wild oats. I know Jamie is the woman for me."

"I have no doubt about that. That's not my point. Just knowing who you want to be with isn't everything. How you'll be with that person is what makes a marriage. The fact that you have so little experience in this area troubles me. It doesn't trouble me enough to think that you won't be successful, but, if I were setting the date, I'd push this one out."

"It's nice of you to finally tell me," Ryan said, looking and sounding annoyed with him.

"You never asked me, darlin'. As I said, if I were confident you were doomed to failure, I would have spoken up. I know you'll have a successful marriage; I just think that you could use a little more seasoning. And even though I wasn't wild about the idea of your not working or going to school this year, it does seems like a lovely time to focus on learning how to be in an intimate relationship with another person."

"So you and Mama had this all worked out before you got married?" There was an edge to Ryan's voice that she didn't usually reveal.

"No, we didn't. We had no experience in being in a relationship, and we didn't have much experience in being intimate, either. That first year or two felt like we were always tiptoeing around, waiting to step onto a land mine. You can do it that way if you wish; I'm justrecommending a less tumultuous journey."

Having let herself really listen to her father's advice, Ryan nodded slowly. "I think I understand what you're saying. And I think it would be easier if we had some of these things worked out. But we're going to be together while we work them out, so I don't really see the difference. Things were different for you and Mama. You didn't live together before you were married."

He laughed soundlessly. "That's the honest truth. We barely held hands. I know it's different for you, Siobhán, but in some ways it's not different at all. I'm just trying to help you make your life a little easier in the long run, but I'll understand completely if you ignore my advice."

Martin reached out and pulled her into a hug. "I promise that I'll never say I told you so if you do have troubles." Releasing her, he smiled and said, "And you will have your troubles, everyone does, but I know you'll get through them. And even if you get married before you resolve any of your concerns, I know they won't be fatal. So set things up however you want. I'm on your side."

"That means the world to me, Da." She leaned into him and took another hug. "I must admit, I was amazed to see you sitting out in front of the firehouse."

"The whole crew left at four. No word on when they'll be coming back, so I don't have a soul to cook for."

"I could use a good breakfast," she said waggling her eyebrows.

Recognizing that she was teasing, Martin slapped her on the rump. "The day I use city resources to feed my own family is the day I should be fired."

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On Wednesday, Ryan swung by Catherine's house, keeping her promise to stay on top of Jennie's school work. It was still early and Conor hadn't arrived, so they were able to do their work in peace. The only interruption was Marta coming into the dining room to lure them from their focus with cookies.

Jamie and Catherine had been out visiting caterers, and they returned to Catherine's house just as Ryan and Jennie were finishing up. "It was another tough day," Jamie said, dropping heavily into Ryan's lap. "How much cured salmon and fennel can one woman be expected to eat?"

"What's cured salmon and fennel?" Jennie asked.

Catherine replied, "It's an hors d'oeuvres that every caterer in town seems to have on their menu this year. It astounds me how similar all of the offerings are."

Jamie kissed Ryan on the cheek and said, "How long have you two been at it?"

"Not too long. About two hours, I guess."

Jamie made eye contact with Jennie and said, "Two hours for a summer school class? Do you really have that much homework?"

Ryan discreetly pinched her and said chidingly, "We're trying to get a system down."

"I'm an idiot," Jennie said. "Ryan acts like this is the easiest stuff in the world, but it's not for me. I don't think I'm ever going to understand what she's even talking about when she says we can have a system."

Patiently, Ryan said, "This is all building blocks. It's like building a house. You make sure you have a good foundation and then each incremental part is just a slight stretch."

"I wasn't very good in math either, Jen. Just memorize what you have to memorize and don't take any more courses than you have to." Jamie giggled when Ryan pinched her waist. "I'm being serious," she said to her partner. "Not everybody can be good at every class. Jennie's more like me; but she's a lot more talented than I ever was in art."

Jennie beamed at her. Catherine walked over and sat down next to the girl, moving the textbook so that she could look at it. "I'm glad Ryan's here for you, dear. I can read the English words that surround the equations, but after that I'm lost."

"You could all do this if you just took it easy and made sure you understood each step," Ryan said."This is just algebra II. These are the bare basics."

"Not for us," Jamie teased. "I haven't given a second thought to algebra one or two since the day I finished those classes. Don't worry about it, Jen."

Looking a little ill, Jennie said, "Ryan's making me take another math class in the second summer session. It's gonna be harder than this one."

Sounding like a nursery school teacher, Ryan said, "It's not harder, it's more fun!"

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They were all in the kitchen chatting with Marta, who had convinced everyone to stay for dinner. Catherine's phone rang, and she went into the other room to take the call. She came back in after a few minutes and said, "Your Aunt Maeve is on the phone, Ryan. She thinks tomorrow morning would be an ideal time to go for a ten mile walk. Are you two free?"

"Yeah, I don't think we have anything planned. It's supposed to be a nice day. Are you up for it, Jamie?"

"Sure. As long as we can stop for coffee after a mile or two." She was smiling at her mother, but when she turned her gaze back toward Ryan, she noticed Jennie sitting there, looking sad.

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After dinner, they went into the living room. Catherine turned on the stereo, choosing a bright, calming CD of Vivaldi pieces. "I'm very happy with the job Conor and Kevin are doing," Catherine said, as she settled next to Jennie on the sofa. "It's been wonderful to have handy

people in the family."

"They're glad to help," Ryan said.

"Are you in a big hurry?" Jennie asked, looking at Catherine.

"No, why do you ask?"

"'Cause Conor's working so late at night. Marta said the neighbors came over yesterday to complain when he was hammering."

Catherine's brows shot skyward. "They did?"

Ryan gave the girl a pointed look, but Jennie was oblivious. "Yeah. So I wondered why he had to work so late."

"He doesn't have to," Catherine explained. "But he said he wanted to get it done as quickly as possible." She looked at Ryan. "Is he working too hard?"

"Nah," she said, blithely. "He's young."

Catherine persisted. "When does he go to work in the morning?"

Ryan didn't answer for a moment, hoping she wouldn't have to tell the truth.

"What do you mean in the morning?" Jennie asked. "He does something before he comes here?"

"He has a regular job," Jamie explained when she saw that Ryan wasn't going to step in. "He's doing this in his free time."

Jennie looked unconvinced. "Why doesn't he do this on the weekends? He looks tired."

"You know, he does," Catherine agreed. "Maybe I should talk to him about slowing down and doing this just on the weekends."

Ryan shook her head. "That won't work. It'd take him months, and he can't let the cousins wait that long. They need him to do some things on the apartment building."

Sternly, Catherine said, "We're going to have to make some adjustments. I'm not sure what to do, but I won't have him working too hard. He needs his rest." She looked at her watch, then added, "And so do you, Jennie. Perhaps you should call for your ride home."

The girl looked around the room, clearly hoping that someone had a better idea, but she got up and went to the phone, asking the service to send someone.

Catherine turned to Jamie. "Why don't you and Ryan stay over here tonight? I brought some of your clothes from Hillsboro, and Ryan's dressed appropriately for a walk. You've

"I' never stayed over, and you might be able to help get me up as early as Maeve likes to go."

Ryan shrugged, so Jamie said, "That would be great. Do you have a guest room set up?"

"Two," Jennie said, looking like a sad look puppy.

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They all stood at the front door watching a dejected teenager carrying her oversized book bag to the curb. "I'll see you tomorrow," Catherine called.

Jennie turned and gave her an earnest but lusterless smile. "Okay. Goodnight, Ms Smith. Goodnight, Jamie. Goodnight, Ryan."

When the car had departed, Catherine looked at her guests and said, "Who feels like an ogre?"

Both Jamie and Ryan held up a hand. They walked back into the living room and Ryan said, "Sometimes she breaks my heart. I wish we could have her stay here or at our house more often, but Sandy doesn't think it's a good idea. And as my father has reminded me, we have to trust Sandy's judgment. She's the one who has experience dealing with kids like Jen."

"That doesn't make it any easier to see that pathetic little face, and not give in," Catherine said. "She gives me a look sometimes that makes me feel like I'm having all the fun and she's being forced into some sort of gulag."

"She kind of is," Ryan said, looking troubled.

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A few days later, Jamie was standing on the tee of the eleventh hole at the Olympic Club when her phone rang. She made a sheepish face and ran over to her bag to extract her cell. "I should know to turn this off before I play golf," she said to Ryan. "The guys on the next hole just shot me a look like I unleashed a sack full of groundhogs onto the course." She answered on the fifth ring. "Hi, Mom. What's up?"

"Hello, dear. I was wondering if you and Ryan would like my tickets to the Symphony tonight."

"Maybe. Why can't you use them?"

"Conor and I are going over some sketches he's made. I'm not sure how long this will take, but I don't want to have to rush. Plus, I don't have anyone to go with and I just don't like to go alone." She laughed softly. "Sometimes I wish my seats were up in the second balcony so I wouldn't know so many people who'd all whisper about me if I were alone."

"If you really want to go, I'm sure Ryan wouldn't mind if I went with you."

"That's very sweet of you, but I really think Conor and I might need a long time to cement these plans.They're playing Mahler's Fifth, and I know you're a fan."

"I'm a huge fan," Jamie said excitedly. "Hold on a sec." She put the phone on mute and said to Ryan, "You've made me happy by playing golf today, wanna keep it going by making me happy and taking me to the Symphony tonight?"

"I was so hoping you'd ask," Ryan said with a wry grin.

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That afternoon, when Conor knocked on Catherine's door, she answered quickly, her smile betraying her impish mood. "I have a surprise for you," she said.

Quizzically, Conor entered to find two strapping young men sitting uncomfortably on Catherine's sofa. He walked into the room to hear Catherine say, "Miguel and Fernando just completed a program in basic carpentry. They're going to be your assistants."

He looked from Catherine to the two men several times. "Assistants?"

"We'll do everything you don't want to do," Miguel spoke up. Miss Smith wants us to give you more time to do the hard stuff."

Once more Conor gazed at Catherine, unable to keep the smile from his face. "You sure are full of surprises. I never know what you're going to come up with next."

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An hour before the symphony was set to begin, Ryan finished dressing. She was just using a lint brush to clean off her black suit when Jamie emerged wearing a lovely dark green satin cocktail dress with a heavy cream-colored silk wrap around her shoulders. "You look fantastic," Ryan said, drawing out the word. "Really, really great."

"Thanks. You do too, sweetie."

Saluting, Ryan said, "I'm reporting for duty."

"It's not a uniform." Jamie kissed her cheek, then rubbed the spot with her thumb to remove the faint lipstick mark.

"I wear it every time we go out, so that's what it feels like."

"Not every time. Just in the city. When we're someplace warm you have three complete ensembles."

"I'm all set for when we move to Eleuthera."

Jamie just smiled at her. She knew Ryan would move to Eleuthera shortly after she stopped loving math.

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As Catherine had intimated, the dress code at the Symphony varied wildly. Many people in the upper levels dressed the same as they would to attend a Giants game, but people in Catherine's section would not have been out of place at a state dinner at the White House.

To Ryan's surprise, they weren't anywhere near the orchestra. In fact, they weren't on the main floor. Their section was surprisingly small, only six rows, but they were right in the center of the auditorium. "Why aren't we down there?" Ryan asked quietly after they were shown to their seats.

"That's the orchestra," Jamie whispered back. "Mom doesn't like sitting down there; she likes to be up in the first tier. I agree with her. The music travels really nicely here. Sometimes it can sound a little muddy in the orchestra."

Ryan leaned back in her seat and raised an eyebrow. "You sound like you know a lot about this."

With a haughty smile, Jamie said, "I know plenty. I've been coming to the Symphony since I was…oh, four years old."

"This is my first."

Jamie tried to keep her mouth from hanging open. "You've never been to Davies Hall?"

"Or any other symphony place."

Amazed at this revelation, Jamie said, "I thought you went to the symphony last year with Tracy."

Nope. We went to the opera. I sure hope this is better." She gave Jamie a sly smile.

"I'll tell you what. If you don't like this...no, if you don't love this, I'll go to any event you choose for paybacks. Any kind of goofy sports thing or science thing-you name it."

"There aren't a lot of science events so you're getting off easy, but I'll take the bet. What do I get if you're right?"

Looking smugly self-assured, Jamie said, "Music is its own reward."

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The guest conductor that night was Finnish, and he led a pared down orchestra in three short, very modern pieces. They weren't really to Jamie's taste, but they were interesting and very different. Some of the instruments seem to have been created just for that piece, with some of them looking more like contraptions than serious instruments. Nonetheless, the audience was used to more modern music and their generous applause showed their approval.

As soon as the last notes were played, Jamie nudged Ryan and they got up and exited their section. "Follow me," Jamie said. She took off, scampering up a wide staircase until they got to the top level. She pulled a card out of her purse and led Ryan into a small, beautifully decorated room. Flashing her card at the beefy man who stood at the door, she led Ryan to an empty bar and ordered a glass of champagne for herself. "For you?" she asked Ryan.

"I'll have the same."

Jamie pulled out cash and paid for their wine, leaving a generous tip, then she hustled Ryan right back out of the room. They passed a bar in the main gathering area that already had thirty people waiting in line. They breezed past them and went out onto a balcony, where Ryan stared open mouthed at the beautiful view of City Hall.

"I had no idea…"

Jamie clinked their glasses together and they each sipped their champagne.

"Not bad," Ryan said.

"I'm surprised you got champagne. I know wine isn't your favorite drink."

"It's fine."

"Why didn't you order what you really wanted? They have a full bar."

Scowling slightly, Ryan said, "I saw all of that champagne sitting out and I figured that's all they had."

"No, dear.You can have anything you like. They could make a Mai-tai if you wanted."

Ryan tilted her head back and said, "Where's that warm air coming from? I know it's not natural."

Laughing, Jamie said, "I can't ever remember having a warm night in San Francisco in June. I'm sure it has happened, but not to me." She pointed up at the vents behind them. "No one would ever use these balconies if they didn't have those blowers."

Thoughtful for a moment, Ryan said, "We should get one of those for the house."

The balcony was soon filled with their fellow concertgoers and they watched people come and go. "A lot of gay guys here," Ryan said. "Don't see many lesbians, though. Oh, there's a pair."

"A lot of gay men love the Symphony. Duh," Jamie teased, laughing. "You're the mistress of the obvious."

Ryan bent her head and kissed Jamie on the cheek. When Jamie tilted her face upward, Ryan delivered another kiss to her lips. "If there aren't many of us, we have to make a bigger statement."

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They had to hurry to get back to their seats, and the concertmaster was just tuning the orchestra when they sat down. "I'm having a nice time, but so far, no love," Ryan whispered.

Jamie gave her a friendly pat, still looking very confident. The conductor took the podium and a solo trumpet let out a long, almost plaintive note. Jamie shifted her gaze to see her partner looking alert, her eyes scanning the entire orchestra, anticipating what would come next. By the time the full orchestra entered into the piece Ryan was leaning forward, her elbows on her knees, chin in hand, eyes fixed on the orchestra.

The symphony was one of Jamie's favorites, by one of her favorite composers, and she was sure she had played a CD of the work at home several times. But she knew there was nothing quite like being at a live performance, and she was confident that Ryan would feel the same way.

One of the things Jamie most liked about Mahler was how he had one foot in the classical period and the other taking tentative steps into the modern. Another favorite characteristic was the way he used percussion in innovative ways. She laughed softly when Ryan jumped as the percussionist snapped a whip, making a sound that she was sure Ryan hadn't expected.

The piece was long, lasting just over an hour, but at the last measure, Ryan jumped to her feet and applauded lustily. She turned to Jamie, looking slightly stunned as she said, "Don't you ever get tired of being right?"

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Ryan talked like a magpie on the way home. Jamie was fairly sure they were the only people to leave prime seats in Symphony Hall and head for MUNI, but she knew how much Ryan hated taking cabs. So they stood on the platform, with Ryan peppering her with questions.

"It reminded me of physics. I can't even say why, but there was something about it that was so…" her eyes were focused on something in the distance, and she eventually just shook her head. "I can't describe it, but I have the same feeling when I'm really getting into a problem in physics and I'm trying to keep track of where everything is and how it could possibly be moving, and what other possibilities there are." She let out a breath. "Some of it sounded familiar, but not much of it. It was a totally unique experience, and I can't wait to come back."

"I know I've played that CD. I'm sure you've heard it."

Ryan shrugged. "Every time I hear that you have something classical on, I kind of ignore it. I've gotta stop that."

"I love listening to my CDs, but they don't hold a candle to a live performance, especially by a big symphony like this."

"They almost ran out of room! I think they had every kind of instrument I've ever heard of. And there were a couple I've never seen before."

"Maybe the English horn? Or maybe the bass clarinet?"

"Maybe. What was that really big thing? The lady who played the bassoon played it."

"Oh, that was the contrabassoon. They play that fairly frequently in symphonies, but you don't see it anyplace else."

"It was ultra cool. Do you think I could take lessons on that?"

Jamie just smiled at her. When Ryan went from liking something to believing she could do it, it was a sure sign of love.

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Ryan was still prattling away when they walked into the O'Flaherty house at eleven o'clock. They made eye contact when they crossed the threshold and heard cheering coming from Conor's bedroom. Duffy ran down to meet them, gave them a look that said "come on!" then ran back upstairs. Doing the dog's bidding, they went upstairs and found Conor, Kevin, Tommy, and Declan watching the Giants game. Tommy was still in his firefighter's uniform, obviously just having gotten off work.

"Great game, guys," Conor said. "Grab a beer and join us."

Ryan shot a brief look at her elegantly dressed lover, then said, "We've gotta go get changed. Maybe we'll come back up." She moved into the room enough to see that the game was in the top half of the ninth inning.

She and Jamie headed downstairs, and when they got there, Jamie said, "You can watch the game if you want to."

Scoffing, Ryan said, "I have no intention of going back upstairs. But if I gave them any indication that I wanted to be alone with you, then I'd have to put up with the teasing." She put the back of Jamie's hand to her lips and made exaggerated kissing noises.

Laughing, Jamie said, "That's about how it goes here at Alpha Alpha O'Flaherty."

"Do you hate it?" Ryan asked, uncertainty coloring her voice.

"Not a bit. I think I'm adjusting very well." She moved next to Ryan and put her hands around her waist.

"You're adjusting to my life so much better than I'm adjusting to yours. My father and Sara both pointed that out to me very sharply."

"Don't worry about what other people tell you," Jamie said, looking up into Ryan's eyes with undisguised love. "I'm the only one you need to listen to, and I'm very happy."

Smiling at her, Ryan removed the wrap that covered Jamie's bare shoulders. She slipped out of her own jacket and put both garments on the bed, then she took Jamie's hand and led her over to the loveseat, where they both sat down.

"What did you call that part in the symphony that was so soft and beautiful?"

"That style of movement is usually an adagio, but I think Mahler calls it something different. I can look in the program."

"No need. I just want to make sure you knew what I was referring to."

"I do. It's the part that almost brings tears to your eyes, right?"

Smiling widely, Ryan said, "Exactly!" She took Jamie's hands and held them loosely while she gazed at them. "When that started to play, I felt like I was hearing the feelings that I have for you set to music."

She tilted her chin down a little bit, embarrassed that she was tearing up. "It's hard for me to describe, but that music was love. It brought up every tender feeling I have for you, and they are legion." She lifted her head and locked her eyes with Jamie's which were filled with mutual love. "I don't tell you enough how utterly and helplessly I am in love with you. It's so much more than attraction or desire, even though I've got plenty of both. My love for you is a part of me now, as much as my love for my family. I know I have a long way to go before I'm the partner you deserve, but I'll never stop trying to be better."

Green eyes glistening with tears, Jamie slipped her hand along the back of Ryan's scalp and pulled her close. When their lips were almost touching, she said, "I love you with all my heart."

They kissed, their lips barely touching, the softness of the skin sending chills up their spines. Jamie emitted a sensual purr and Ryan shifted to pull her in tighter. Jamie's hands went to Ryan's head and her fingers slid through the cascade of ebony hair, making Ryan shiver at the delicious sensation. Ryan mirrored the gesture, gently scraping her fingers all along Jamie's scalp.

Leaning away, Jamie whispered, "That feels so sexy."

"I"m just getting started," Ryan said, the cocky, self-assured grin on her face that always shot Jamie's desire into the stratosphere.

"If symphonic music makes you feel like this, we're getting a subscription."

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As was becoming the new habit, Catherine appeared at the O'Flaherty house late on Sunday afternoon. She brought several bottles of wine and a tray of delectable looking antipasto. Ryan greeted her at the door, relieving her of her burdens.

"If I'd known you'd class up our Sunday dinners so much, I would have invited you the day we met," Ryan said, bending over awkwardly to kiss Catherine's cheek.

"I doubt I would have accepted back then. To be honest, you frightened me a little." She laughed, partly at the statement and partly at the stunned look on Ryan's face. "It wasn't you," Catherine assured her as they went upstairs. "I'd built things up in my mind to the point that I had decided you had some Svengalian hold over my little girl."

Walking into the room in time to catch the end of her mother's comment, Jamie said, "She did. She does." Moving up alongside Catherine, she kissed her cheek. "I'm glad you could come, Mom. Ryan and I have decided that you're now on the 'call if you're not coming' list. We'll expect you every Sunday. Just let us know if you're not coming."

"Yeah," Ryan called out from the kitchen. "We cook so much extra for you!"

"I'm going to match your appetite one of these days," Catherine called back, rather than walking into the kitchen, something she was slowly adjusting to. "Walking all over this city has given me an appetite I've never had in my life."

"I'm making iced tea with a little lemonade," Ryan said. "Want one?"

"I'd love one." Catherine looked at Jamie and said, "My mother would turn over in her grave if she heard me speaking to someone in another room."

Smiling, Jamie said quietly "I know. But you'd look stupid being the only one getting up and going from room to room to have a conversation."

"It is a lot easier." Catherine laughed devilishly. "Mother will have to deal with it." She squeezed Jamie's knee. "And you, my dear, have to deal with sending out announcements. You're getting married in seven weeks!"

Grimacing, Jamie said, "That's gonna be tough."

Catherine cocked her head, looking at her daughter for a few moments. "But you have to. It's rude to ask people at the last minute. I haven't talked to your father about this, but I'm sure he'll have a long list of people to invite. You can't ask members of Congress to keep their schedules clear for the entire month, honey."

"I know, I know." Jamie stood up and started for the kitchen, then turned back and just stood there, looking unsure of herself.

"What up?" Ryan said, appearing with three glasses of tea-monade, as she called it.

"Invitations," Jamie said, wrinkling up her nose.

Ryan sat down and took a drink. "Well, don't you normally tell people where to come?" She looked over the edge of her glass, a faux innocent gaze directed at Jamie.

"Yes, wise guy, you do." She sat down and let her head drop, her longish hair almost touching her knees. "I know I've screwed this up, but I haven't found any place that's right."

"To be fair," Catherine said, "all of the best places are gone. But we've seen a couple of halls that would have been all right."

"I don't want 'all right'," Jamie pouted. "I know what I want, and I haven't seen it. I haven't seen anything close."

"We'd better send out 'save the date' cards at the very least," Catherine said. "You're going to invite your cousins, aren't you? They'll need to make travel arrangements."

Dryly, Jamie said, "They aren't the type to book early to save money."

"Your cousins on your father's side are."

"Eww. I forgot about them."

Ryan sat there watching, wondering how anyone could forget her only first cousins.

Slapping her hands on her thighs, Jamie declared, "We'll just have to scale it down. Maybe we'll just have family. We could tell everyone on Friday and have it on Saturday, right here in the yard."

Both Catherine and Ryan stared at her. "But that's not what you want," Catherine said.

"No, but it might have to do. I don't want to send out invitations if I don't know where we're going to be, so we'll just wing it."

Catherine met Ryan's eyes. "Is that all right with you?"

"Well." She cleared her throat and took a quick look at Jamie. "I'd really like a big party. I want to invite all of my old buddies. But if we wind up winging it, I guess that's okay."

Catherine looked at both young women; both appeared disappointed. There was clearly more going on than Jamie's inability to find a venue; but she had no idea what the problem might be.

* * *

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The next evening Jamie and Ryan sat quietly at their marriage preparation class. The goal for the evening was to have each couple talk about one of the areas where the survey showed disagreement. Neither woman had brought up the class or their differences since their blowout of the week before. It seemed as though each of them was waiting for the other to broach the subject. Th ey'd maintained their usual interactions in all other areas, which was also odd. Typically, when something was bothering one of them, it spilled over into every area. But this was different, for reasons neither could guess.

It was late when it came to their turn, and Jamie surprised Ryan by bringing up their disagreement about religion, something she thought they'd dealt with.

"I'm worried that we're going to have a tough time reaching an agreement about our religious life," Jamie said quietly.

"Do you want to give us some background?" Charlie asked. He made eye contact with Ryan, who took the cue.

"My family has been Catholic ever since Saint Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland," she said with a faint smile. "But I've found my faith in God lessening a little more every year. Jamie," she said, reaching out and grasping her partner's hand, "has a strong faith, and I think she worries about having kids and giving them inconsistent messages."

"Is that true?" Charlie asked, looking at his granddaughter.

"Of course that's part of it. But we won't have kids until we have that worked out." She cast her glance around the room, but it was clear she was actually addressing Ryan. "I'm more concerned about the present."

"You are?" Ryan interrupted. "What about the present?"

Jamie still didn't look Ryan directly in the eye. She focused on the bookshelf behind and to the left of Ryan's chair. "We're getting married in seven weeks, and I plan on swearing to the God I believe in that I'll be your partner until death parts us. It seems as if that's something you can't do."

Without waiting for Charlie to give her the green light, Ryan said, "I guess you're right. But that doesn't mean my word isn't good."

Jamie finally made eye contact. "I know your word is good. That's not what I'm worried about."

"What are you worried about?'

As though there were no one else in the room, Jamie faced the topic head on. "I'm worried that you don't support my faith."

Ryan's eyes flew open wide. "What?"

"Every time we go to church, we automatically go to St. Phil's. I don't mind going there, but I'm not Catholic. I feel much more comfortable in the Episcopal Church. And since you don't seem to believe in any of the tenets of the Catholic Church, it puzzles me that we still go there."

Ryan looked so stunned that Charlie stepped in before she had a chance to respond. "Have the two of you had a chance to discuss this?"

"No," Jamie said. "Not this particular thing." She looked down at the ground, seemingly a little embarrassed. "We should have talked about this before tonight."

Ryan no longer looked stunned; she looked angry. "We sure should have!"

"The purpose of the survey was to show you whether there are any issues that you might not have gotten around to considering yet. I think it's done that for everyone," Charlie said. "Next week we're going to discuss raising children in the faith. It sounds like Jamie and Ryan have gotten a head-start on the rest of us, but we'll catch up." He smiled at the group and stood up, with everyone following suit.

Ryan got up quickly and grabbed their jackets. She was waiting impatiently by the front door when Jamie finally joined her.

"Wanna go back to that bar again?" Ryan said.

"No thanks. Let's walk home."

Without even saying a formal goodbye to Charlie or the other participants, they walked outside into the clear, dark night. It was a nice evening, but because of the brisk wind, they both needed their jackets. They headed towards Noe Valley, Ryan looking aggravated as she strode along with her hands shoved into her pockets.

Jamie struggled to keep up with her partner's long stride, finally grasping her sleeve and pulling her to a stop. "I'd like to walk home with you, not a quarter-mile behind you."

Ryan took a long breath, then said, "Why did you spring that on me in front of all of those people?"

"Those people? Those people are the ones we chose to have these discussions with. I didn't make an announcement at the Giants game."

Ryan looked like she was about to say something sharp, but she hesitated for a moment and then started to walk more slowly in the direction of home. "You know how I feel about telling things to strangers. We'll never see those people again."

"Maybe that's part of the problem. I'd like to get to know some of them. Have you noticed that they all know each other?"

"Why is that?" Ryan looked a little puzzled. "Do all Episcopalians know each other?"

It was a small attempt at humor, but it was better than nothing. "They know each other because they're all members of the church. When my grandfather said that he thought it was important for us to be members for two years before we were married, he was referring to things like that."

"Yeah, that's nice. But I don't need any more friends. I can't keep up with the ones I have."

"I need more friends," Jamie said quietly. "I like talking to people about faith and about hope and about how to live morally in this crazy world. I want to start going to my grandfather's church, and I want to go to some of the classes they offer. I want to be involved, just like your

family is involved at St. Phil's."

"My family doesn't do that kind of thing. It's more social for us."

Quietly, Jamie said, "I know. That's a nice aspect of having a faith community, but it's not what I'm after. I want to talk about the difficult issues and have people with more experience give me advice."

"Why didn't you ever say this before?" Ryan's tone was still sharp, and it was clear her feelings were hurt. "You make it sound like I drag you over to St. Phil's."

"That's not how I feel. When we first got together, I had the distinct impression that you got a lot out of attending services. I went along with you because you felt so comfortable there. But I'm not comfortable. I honestly think your pastor would rather we didn't attend, and that's a major turnoff."

Ryan waved her hand in the air. "Don't listen to him. He just wants things to be easy. It's easier for him if nobody complains about a couple of lesbians showing up. He thinks it's his church, but it isn't."

"It is his church. He has the authority to decide who can take communion."

For the next few moments, the only sound was their heels hitting the sidewalk. It felt like the silence before a storm-the storm brewing inside Ryan. When she spoke again, her voice was low and full, and she was spitting her words out. "What did he say to you?"

Jamie had hoped to avoid this discussion, but it was unfair to Ryan to keep to herself. Trying to sound as though it weren't a big deal, she said, "Someone must have mentioned the him that I wasn't Catholic."

Sharply, Ryan barked, "So what?"

"I've been going to communion. You told me it was fine." Jamie could feel the anger and heat coming off Ryan, and she put her hand on Ryan's arm to try to soothe her. "It's okay. I know you think it's fine, but he doesn't. He said it's the same as if I were a Republican and tried to vote in the Democratic primary."

"What the fuck?"

"It wasn't a great analogy, but I understood his point. Taking communion implies that I agree with the doctrines of your faith, and I clearly don't."

"It's almost the same. So you don't think the Pope is the boss. No big deal."

Stopping in her tracks, Jamie said, "It is a big deal. I think it's wrong to prohibit women priests; I think it's wrong to exclude gay people from important roles; and I don't believe it's really the body and blood of Jesus Christ. I think it's a metaphor."

"Of course it's a metaphor!"

"Then you might want to join me in the Episcopal Church." Jamie smiled, but her smile wasn't returned. She put her arm around Ryan's waist, but it was clear Ryan was in no mood to be placated.

"I'm gonna have to go over there tomorrow and a rattle his windows one more time. He can't get away with treating you like that."

"Yes, he can. I also don't see why you want to get into a fight over this. You're clearly culturally Catholic, but that's about it."

"That's all anybody is! Nobody who thinks about it for long believes all that crap."

"I know you're wrong about that, but it's almost beside the point. If you care, why don't you join a group of people who want to change the Church? Put your anger to some good use."

Ryan waved the idea away dismissively. "I don't want to waste my time doing that. That's like an ant trying to move a boulder. The Church is getting more and more conservative, and it's gonna take a long time for that trend to change."

"Then let it go. I've been trying to get something out of St. Phil's that I don't think is there. I don't mind going with you when you want to go, but it's not giving me what I need."

"Fine." Ryan sighed heavily. "I really would like to get my father and go over there and give old Aloysius Pender a good tongue lashing. But I won't do it if you don't want me to."

"You can do what you want. I'm not going to attempt to go to communion again. I don't think he can prohibit me from entering the building, so I'm good." She laughed again, and this time she got a mild smile from Ryan in return. "I think you might be on thin ice, though. Even though you're Catholic, he can decide that you aren't eligible for communion. A lot of bishops around the country are prohibiting Catholic lawmakers who support abortion rights from receiving it."

"Don't remind me."

Ryan shoved her hands deeper into her pockets and mumbled something to herself. Jamie didn't ask her to repeat it, knowing that her mumbled comments were kept quiet for a reason.

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It was still fairly early, but Ryan was lying on the bed, hands laced behind her head, eyes unfocused. Jamie had put on a sweatshirt and flannel pajama bottoms, and she and Duffylounged on the loveseat. She patted his soft, curly coat, running a hand down his back while he leaned against her, always wanting more. "Are you angry with me?" she asked after a long silence.

Ryan raised her head and looked at her for a moment, then said, "What?"

"I asked if you are angry with me."

"About what?" Ryan's head fell back down to the pillow.

"About anything. What's on your mind?"

Ryan raised her knees and crossed one ankle over her other leg. She started doing some stretching exercises that Jamie realized were calculated to relax her mind as much as her legs.

"I'm not angry. Definitely not angry."

Waiting a beat but not getting any additional information, Jamie said, "What's going through your mind? I know something is."

With a grunt of exertion, Ryan pushed on her knee, stretching her hip out. "I'm wondering how many other things bother you that you keep secret." She lay back for a moment and added, "And I wonder what message I'm sending you that you feel like you have to keep things to yourself."

"I like the way you phrased that. Having that attitude shows why we're ready to get married."

"Huh?" Ryan's dark head shot up again and she stared at Jamie quizzically. "We've just spent two hours telling a bunch of strangers we're not ready."

Waving her off, Jamie said, "Don't be silly. We did no such thing. We have things to work out, but every couple has them. We've only been together a year, you know. We've barely started to get to know each other."

Head still elevated, Ryan said, "Really?"

"Yes. Definitely." Jamie waved at her again, and Ryan put her head down. "You know, your never having been in a long-term relationship has given you a…warped view of how things are." The head popped up again. "I didn't mean that as a put down; it's just an observation." Ryan nodded, but she looked a little suspicious when she dropped her head again. "You haven't had to work out small things with another person. If something wasn't right, you just moved on to greener pastures."

"You always say that doesn't bother you."

"It doesn't. But there's another small matter that I'd like to talk about, and I know this is something you've never had to deal with."

"I can't wait," Ryan said with a load of false enthusiasm.

Jamie leaned over and stage-whispered into Duffy's ear, "Go bite her if she keeps being sarcastic."

"My boy would never bite me." Ryan slapped the bed hard. "Come here, boy!" With just a brief pause to debate, Duffy leapt from the loveseat and jumped onto the bed, licking Ryan's face as though it were covered in ice cream, one of his favorite, but prohibited, treats. Ryan finally pulled back far enough to be able to give Jamie a superior smile. "See?"

Jamie followed the dog and sat on the bed next to Ryan. "We need to talk about this here or in front of strangers."

"Hmm…what's the subject?"

"Sex."

"Here," Ryan said, sounding dejected. "What am I doing wrong?" She waited a beat, then said, "That you'd talk about in front of people."

"I had no intention of talking about this with anyone but you, but if you won't talk, I'm telling my grandfather." She stuck her tongue out and Ryan almost caught it.

"This close," she said, indicating a hair's breadth.

Jamie put her hands on Ryan's chest and leaned into her. "You're stalling, but I'm moving forward." She took in a breath and said, "I'm concerned that you don't seem to want to initiate sex very often."

"I initiate," Ryan said defensively. "I do it at least fifty percent of the time."

Jamie leaned closer and gazed into Ryan's eyes. "You used to do it almost one hundred percent of the time. If I looked at you cross-eyed, you'd be on me. I really liked it that way," she concluded softly. "That's what turns me on, to have your limitless sex drive purring in the background all of the time."

Putting her hands behind her head again, Ryan gazed at the ceiling for a few minutes. Jamie waited patiently, knowing it took her partner a while to process her thoughts.

"We've talked about this before. I thought it was okay now."

Jamie bent and kissed her gently. "I love our sex life. I'm more concerned about why your drive seems to have diminished. That's what's really worrying me. You don't have that…" she punched her open hand with a fist, making a loud smack, "drive any more. You're more like me."

"Oh God, not that!"

"Don't tease," Jamie said, her face just above Ryan's. "I want to know what's going on."

Ryan thought for another minute or two. "I think I told you before that I don't have that urgency anymore. I'm not on the prowl all of the time, so I'm not as obsessed with sex as I was." She ran her hand down Jamie's back and smiled sexily. "I've got a gorgeous woman right here. I don't have to find a woman, talk myself into her apartment, then into her pants…" She made a circular movement with her finger. "Et cetera. I can listen to my body and only make an overture when I'm really feeling it." She put her arm around Jamie's back and hugged her. "I'm feeling better than I ever have about sex. But it sounds like what's working for me isn't what's best for you."

Jamie shifted onto the bed and rested her head on Ryan's shoulder. "What do we do?" There was a tinge of sadness in her voice.

"I'll try to be more aggressive." Ryan used her most determined tone. "I was in a habit before, and I can get back into it."

Jamie gently patted her belly. "No, that's not the answer. If you're feeling good about sex, I want you to keep that feeling. I want each of us to be our best selves."

"But I want you to be perfectly happy." Ryan kissed the top of Jamie's head. "Perfectly."

"We'll figure it out. It'll take a little time, but we can do it if we talk about it."

"I promise to talk about it. I won't be such a baby." She put her hand on Jamie's ass and gave it a squeeze. "Why am I lying on this bed, fully clothed, when I have a beautiful woman lying here just waiting for me to make a move?"

Jamie sat up and gazed into Ryan's beautiful blue eyes for a moment, then she kissed her longingly. "I love you. And I love you all the more when you listen to me and try to fix things I bring up. That's huge."

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On a lovely Friday night in late June, Conor stretched and took a look at his watch. To his surprise it was after eleven p.m. He'd come over to Catherine's after work, arriving at four. Then he'd chatted with Marta and graciously allowed her to make him a couple of quesadillas for a snack before he got down to work.

Catherine had come home at five, and had rushed around getting ready for some sort of gathering. He barely registered her leaving, since he was intently measuring a wall with many blips and dips from moldings and windows. He'd measured the entire place several times, but Catherine had made a few substantive changes, making him recalculate this entire wall for a different purpose.

After he was finished, he allowed Marta to make him dinner. When it was just the two of them, she would sit down at the table and eat with him, and they both enjoyed the evening.

He could have gone home, but something about the wall was bothering him. When Marta came into the proposed library to see whether he needed anything before she retired for the evening, Conor was sitting on the floor, a sturdy clipboard on his lap and a mechanical pencil in his hand. He was roughly erasing something and started when she entered. "Hey. What's going on?" he asked.

"I'm going to bed now, and I wanted to make sure you didn't need anything. You have a key to lock the door, correct?"

"Sure do. I'm good, Marta. Thanks a lot for making such a nice dinner for me. I haven't had a better dinner or a better dining companion in a long, long time."

"You're a sweet talker, Conor. How you've escaped marriage this long is a mystery."

He chuckled. "I'm too young to think about marriage. I'm not even thirty."

"Your sister is younger and she will be married in a short while. I think you could manage it."

"Maybe," he allowed, grinning rakishly, "but I'm not as easily managed as my sister."

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Catherine walked past the library on her way to her bedroom, managing to muffle a scream when she reached inside the room to turn off the lights and heard Conor's deep voice from behind the door.

"I can't work in the dark."

"Conor! You scared me half to death. What are you doing here this time of night?"

"Honestly? I didn't have any plans for the evening so Marta and I had dinner together. After dinner I kept thinking about what you wanted to do around this window, and something just wasn't sitting right. I came back up and sat here for a while, trying to figure out what was wrong." He walked over to the wall. Extending his index finger, he pointed alongside the window. "I think wooden shutters would look good in here, but we won't have enough clearance to have them open. I think you might need to go with shades. Maybe a Roman shade? We could put up a nice box valance to hide them."

Catherine put her hand around Conor's arm and gave it a squeeze. "You're the best carpenter I've ever worked with. You're just as serious and thorough as your sister is, and that's saying a lot."

"I taught her everything she knows," he said, grinning. "So, what do you think about the shades?"

"I need to sleep on it. I had my heart set on wooden shutters. Why won't they fit?"

"They'll fit. You just won't be able to open them fully to clean the windows. There won't be enough clearance here," he indicated with his hand where the problem was, "for them to fold back."

Pointing at the same area, she said, "What if they were mounted from the center and folded from outside in?"

"That would look strange if you ever wanted them open for anything other than a quick cleaning, but it would technically work. I don't know of any place that makes them that way, so that's another hurdle."

She looked completely unconcerned. "I'm sure there's a custom cabinet maker in the city that could do it if we choose to go that way. But I'll see if I can conjure up the image of Roman shades. That would obviously be easier."

"It would. But after working with you for a short while, I've come to realize you're not very attracted to the easy way."

Laughing, she said, "Don't tell anyone my secret. Would you like to sit on the balcony for a while and have a nightcap?"

"If you'll join me."

"I will. I was going to change clothes first, but I suppose I don't need to."

"Not on my account," Conor said, furtively assessing the dark violet, form fitting dress she was wearing.

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Catherine went downstairs to get their drinks and when she returned Conor had fired up the propane heat lamps. It was almost seventy degrees and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but he knew that Catherine got chilled at any temperature under eighty. She handed him his drink and sat down in the chair perpendicular to his.

"To good carpenters," she toasted, clinking glasses together.

He took a drink, then asked, "Did you have a nice night?"

"Nice enough. I went to a small fundraiser for the opera. I was a little worried about spending most of my time here in the city, but I've saved many hours in not having to drive down to the South Bay after events like this."

"Where was this one?"

"Not far from here-just on the other side of Pacific Heights."

"Do you mind going to things like that…alone?"

"Well, I think I'd always prefer to have an escort so long as he or she wanted to be there. In most couples, it seems as if only one person loves the opera. The other one usually has the look of a hostage." She chuckled lightly.

"Did Jim enjoy opera?"

She sat quietly for a few moments, looking like she was considering the question thoroughly. "He certainly never complained. He'd never been before we met, but he was interested enough to ask a lot of questions and read a number of books to give him some background. Still, I rather doubt he goes now."

Conor took another sip of his drink. His eyes were dark and his voice was a little lower when he asked, "How about Giacomo?"

With a warm smile, Catherine said, "It's in his blood. Actually, he loves it and knows more about it than I do. If you give him the opportunity, he'll launch into his Pavarotti imitation with absolutely no trepidation."

"But he's not here." Coldly, he added, "And he never will be."

He didn't say another word, but Catherine didn't comment for a long time. When she finally broke the silence she said, "It's a silly saying, but you can't always get what you want."

As though he'd been waiting for her to say exactly that, he launched into what seemed like a prepared statement. "There's no reason in the world that you can't get what you want. What's on your list of requirements?"

She sat quietly for a few minutes, just the sound of the propane heaters providing ambient noise. "Mine are probably the same as those of most women. I want someone who's interested in me, attentive, loving, someone with a good sense of humor, and someone I would miss when I was apart from him."

"That's not a very difficult list. There's probably 30,000 guys in the city alone who would love to have a chance."

Catherine laughed, letting her head fall back as the light from inside made the diamond necklace she wore spark like fire. "I think you overstate, but even so, I have to be attracted to the person. And I believe that I've gotten harder to please."

"Maybe that's part of the problem," he said earnestly. He leaned forward in his chair and rested his forearms on his knees. "I think you have an image of the type of guy you think you belong with."

"Everyone does."

"Everyone probably does," Conor agreed, "but I think we'd all be better off if we expanded our view. If you're only looking for guys who are in your tax bracket, that's gonna take that 30,000 number and knock it down by ninety percent."

Smiling at that, Catherine said, "I'd be perfectly comfortable dating someone who didn't have a lot of money. But it's difficult to find someone who doesn't have money who's comfortable being around it. It's particularly difficult for a man of my age."

"Why limit yourself to men your age? You're only forty. You could easily go out with a guy who was around thirty. Younger guys wouldn't be as intimidated by your money."

Still smiling, Catherine said, "I must admit I had a wonderful time going to that benefit on your arm. Half of the women there wanted to trade places with me; the other half also wanted to, but were just afraid to admit it."

Looking even more determined, Conor leaned forward and said, "Then why not give something like that another chance? I hate to see you spending so much time alone when I know there's someone right here who would love to be with you."

Catherine leaned back in her chair and let her eyes drift up to the sky. A few stars were visible and she thought about the constellations, trying to remember which ones were in the sky in the early summer. Letting her mind wander, she considered what Conor had said: a younger man, one without much money, right here in the city…and then it hit her. It hit her right in the solar plexus, as though someone had physically knocked the wind out of her. Conor was talking about himself.

She was afraid to raise her head and meet his eyes, afraid to speak and have her voice betray her. She forced herself to maintain a lighthearted tone when she said, "What constellation is that one right overhead?"

He leaned back and looked up, then shook his head. "I have no idea. I'm not much for the stars."

Desperately trying to think of a way to tell Conor the truth without hurting him, Catherine's brain went into overdrive. She was almost at a loss when she thought of something that had happened just a short time ago. Opening herself up, she told him what was in her heart. "I hope you know how much I appreciate your concern for me-I know it's deeply felt-but I have what I want. I just don't have enough of it."

"Isn't that the same as not having it?"

"No, I don't think it is. There are many things that I hold more dear because of their rarity. Giacomo is like that for me. The last time we were together, we were sitting outdoors late in the evening. He had rented a lovely house for us on an island, and when we looked up at the sky, the stars were so profuse that they took my breath away. Giacomo was holding my hand and he started telling me about some of the constellations, all about the Roman gods and the way in which some of the constellations had been created. Then he told me how he would rearrange the stars for me."

At Conor's muffled snort, Catherine smiled. "I know it sounds silly, but that's the kind of man I'm attracted to. Jim was a practical fellow who did his best, but he never reached my soul. Giacomo has the soul of an artist, and he touches that same part of my soul. I always had to wait for Jim to catch up, but I have to try and catch up with Giacomo. That's an irresistible turn-on for me," she sighed, intentionally showing Conor the sensual longing she felt for her lover. "I'd rather have a few days with Giacomo than to have any other man for a year."

"Come on," Conor said, sounding dubious. "Any other man?"

"Yes. I've met hundreds of men in my life, maybe thousands, and I've never met anyone who has it all like Giacomo does. Yes, I wish we could be together more, but with him, I'll take what I can get."

After a long silence Conor put his glass up to his lips and drained his drink in a few gulps. "He's a lucky guy. I hope he knows that."

"Oh, he does. I think he realizes how rare it is to find someone who understands you at the level we communicate on. Once you have that, Conor, it's unfair to yourself to settle for less."

"Yeah, I can see that."

The dejection was clear in his voice, but Catherine was confident that Conor would get over his feeling for her…whatever they were…quickly. And she was equally certain that his ideal mate was waiting for him somewhere, somewhere other than her balcony.

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Less than a half hour had passed. Just long enough for Conor to drive like hell and park his truck illegally, but close to the house. Work-boots thumping on the floor, he went to his closet and took out his tuxedo, and his navy blue blazer. Turning, he threw them into a heap, the blazer missing the bed and falling to the floor. Next were two suits, but this time he carried them closer before throwing them atop the tux. Then he walked to the other side of the room and went through his chest of drawers, pulling out a couple of sweaters and at least six ties. Back to the closet, he started going through his shirts, boxed from the laundry. The cardboard tore like tissue paper in his strong hands, and he kicked the box high into the air after he'd freed a pair of shirts.

"What in the fuck?" Ryan said, standing in his doorway, sleepy-eyed and disheveled.

"Go back to bed."

His gruff tone almost made her comply. Almost. She walked into the room and started picking up his things, acting as if he hadn't said a word. "You're making too much noise for me to sleep." She bent to pick up the blazer, laying it neatly on the bed. Not facing him, she said, "Wanna talk?"

"No. I'll be quiet. Go back to bed."

She turned and looked at him, seeing his eyes bright with what she guessed was rage. But rage at his clothes? She looked at what lay on the bed-everything new, everything expensive. This had to be his bounty from Catherine. "What happened?" She made a space for herself and sat on the bed. "Come on."

"I'm rearranging my closet," he snapped. "I said I'd be quiet."

Making her voice as gentle and understanding as she could, Ryan looked him in the eye. "Tell me. What happened between you and Catherine?"

"What do you think happened?" he sneered. "Everybody was right. Happy?"

Getting up and approaching him, she put a hand on his cheek, still looking directly at him. "I'm never happy when you're in pain."

He pushed her hand away, then thumped noisily to the overstuffed chair in the corner. By the time he sat down, there were tears in his eyes. "God damn it!" he groaned. "She'd rather be alone fifty weeks of the year than give me a chance."

"Oh, Conor." She sighed, hating that she'd been right about his intentions. Walking over to the edge of the bed, she sat down. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"Why?" His eyes showed his anger and his embarrassment. "You told me to stay away. Da told me to stay away. You both love to be right. Celebrate!"

She reached forward and patted his leg. "Never at your expense."

Her gentleness and patience finally wore him down. He leaned forward and dropped his head into his hands. The light shone on his black hair, now long enough to show some of its natural wave. She stood and put her hand on his head, stroking it tenderly. "Tell me what happened."

A rough sigh emerged. "Catherine would be happy with me," he said firmly. "We have such a good time when we go out. She loosens up and acts like she's having the time of her life." Pain-filled blue eyes looked up at his sister. "Why's she shutting the door on me?"

Ryan was pretty sure she knew. Even if Catherine were wild for Conor, she wouldn't let him know. There was no way she'd work so hard to have a good relationship with Jamie and risk it by dating a member of the family. But more than that, Conor just wasn't sophisticated enough for Catherine. He was a great guy, but he was a guy. Catherine was a very sophisticated woman and she needed a man of the world. And given what Ryan had learned about Giacomo, she already had one. Conor didn't need to have that rubbed in.

She sat down and said, "Look, if things were different, Catherine would probably love to go out with you. I think you read her signals right."

He looked at her sharply. "What do you mean?"

"There's no way she can be with you, Con. My being with Jamie has screwed that up for you." She put her hand on his knee. "I'm sorry."

"You really think that?"

Nodding slowly, she said, "She's probably afraid, too. She's not much of a risk taker. Being with you would be pretty out there for her. I just don't think she'd be that wild."

Showing just a touch of vulnerability, he asked, "You don't think that guy's better for her than me, do you?"

"Nah." She leaned over and kissed his head. "You'd be great for her. But she's a little old for you. I know you want to have kids, and she's over that."

"People her age are having kids all the time. They need a little help sometimes, but she's got the money to have the best doctors in the world."

"Yeah, but she doesn't want a baby. And you're way too young to give up the idea of having your own." Slapping his back, she added, "I think things were off just enough to make her not willing to take a chance. And that sucks for you."

"Yeah. It really does."

He dropped his head again and she placed another kiss on it. "I won't tell Jamie about this. Promise."

He nodded, and when she got to the door, he quietly said, "Thanks."

* * *

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The next day was Saturday, and Ryan and Jamie spent the day walking along 24th Street, the main shopping venue for the Noe Valley. They were having the annual Fourth of July party on Monday, and they had lots of shopping to do. They went into the grocery store, the bakery, the small farmer's market, and any other store where Jamie saw something cute. Ryan had to admit that it took a lot longer to run errands when she was with Jamie, but she was more than willing to trade efficiency for Jamie's company.

When they got home, Ryan was going to grab Duffy and take him for a long walk while Jamie started dinner for whomever was home, but Ryan's phone rang and she looked at the display. "Huh," she said and sat down on a chair in the living room. "Hey, Chloe. What's up?"

Jamie spent a moment trying to place the name, then realized Chloe was the math major who Ryan had spoken to a couple of times. She was also the woman Jamie was unreasonably jealous of.

Ryan put a leg over the arm of the chair and wedged her phone into the crook of her neck, clearly settling in for a chat. "No, I'm not busy. I can talk."

Jamie's eyes met Duffy's, who was dividing his attention between his mistresses, trying to see if one of them was going to engage him somehow. "You were supposed to get a walk," she said to the pooch. "Maybe after dinner." As if he could understand her, he followed her into the kitchen, abandoning Ryan to her conversation.

Jamie was making a spring vegetable risotto, one of Ryan's favorites. She knew the men of the house wouldn't find it filling enough, but she went up to Kevin's room to see if he was interested. As always, he was sprawled out across his bed, sound asleep. On the way back to the kitchen, she stopped by Conor's room and put her ear to the door. Quiet snores were all she heard. Assuming they'd want to eat even if the entree was just an appetizer for them, she went back into the kitchen, waving back at Ryan who wiggled a couple of fingers at her.

Since she was using five different vegetables, it took a while to peel, chop, dice, and slice. And the risotto had to be stirred almost the entire cooking time. So an hour passed with her working intently, singing to herself and occasionally tossing Duffy a carrot, his favorite vegetable.

When the rice was ready she went into the living room and heard Ryan say, "Does your mom like it there?"

"Dinner's ready," Jamie announced, making Ryan jump in surprise.

She turned and held up a finger, asking for another minute. Jamie went to rouse Kevin and Conor, and by the time she got back, Ryan was saying, "No, not a problem. Give me a call whenever something comes up. I'm glad to help."

Ryan went into the kitchen and washed her hands, saying, "That was that girl I met who Robin's advising."

Jamie was transferring the risotto to a serving dish. "Yeah, I figured. I heard you say her name."

"She's trying to figure out whether to apply to work with Dr. Chen in the fall. Thought I might know something about him."

As Jamie brushed by Ryan, she said, "Are you going to take Duffy out later?"

"Sure." Ryan followed behind and put her hand on Jamie's waist, leaning over to give her a kiss. "Thanks for making dinner. It looks great."

When Jamie didn't acknowledge the compliment Ryan moved so she could see her face. "Something wrong?"

"I thought you were going to take the dog out. I can't cook and walk him at the same time."

Kevin and Conor approaching from different directions, both veered off and headed for the kitchen when they heard the tone of Jamie's voice.

"Who wants something to drink?" Conor asked, even though there were water glasses set out already.

"Anybody want a…beer?" Kevin called out.

"No thanks," Ryan said. She narrowed her eyes briefly at Jamie, then sat down. For the rest of the dinner hour she spoke to Kevin and Conor only, never even glancing over in Jamie's direction. As soon as she finished her last bite she jumped up and started cleaning the kitchen.

Kevin started to get up to help, but Ryan said, "I'm good. I know you guys are probably still hungry. You can take off if you like."

Conor still had some rice on his plate but when Kevin headed for freedom, he dropped his fork and joined him. "See you guys later," he called, all but running for the door.

Ryan worked quickly, her job made easier by Jamie's habit of cleaning up after herself as she cooked. When she was finished, Jamie was still sitting at the table, idly picking at the remains of her dinner. Duffy had been next to Ryan, always hoping something would fall from a plate, but now he ran to Jamie's side, nuzzling against her leg. She reached down and petted him, speaking softly and sweetly. Ryan walked past them, heading for the front door. Duffy's head jerked up when he heard his leash jangle. He bolted for the door, and just before she left, Ryan called out, "We'll be back later."

Jamie sat there for a moment in silence, then broke down in tears, resting her head on her forearms as she cried for a long time.

* * *

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After a good long walk, Ryan sat on the chaise on the deck, watching the few stars and waiting. She wasn't sure what she was waiting for, but she wasn't up to going inside yet. Duffywas anxious, jumping up every time someone drove down the street below. He hated having his people be apart, and he always knew when there was even an undercurrent of tension between them. Ryan soothed him, feeling a little better by sending some love his way. When she heard Conor and Kevin coming up the street, she and Duffy dashed inside and went downstairs. They found Jamie sitting on the love seat, one of her journals in her lap.

Ryan took a look, trying to discern whether it was safe to talk, but Jamie beat her to it.

"I've been going over my journals that cover all of last year up to now."

Tentatively perching on the arm of the love seat, Ryan said, "Yeah?"

"Guess how many times we've had fights because of my jealousy."

Ryan wasn't sure whether it was a rhetorical question, but she took a guess anyway. "About ten?"

"Nope. Twelve. One for every month."

It was tough to read Jamie's mood, so Ryan didn't try. She just said, "It seems more like two or three in a hunk, then a month or two off." She looked down and saw several journals under Jamie's leg. "How many have we had because of my jealousy?"

"Just one that I could find. You were pretty grouchy about Chip on our honeymoon."

Smacking her fist into a hand, Ryan glowered playfully. "I shoulda clocked him."

"He really was looking to go out with me, while I get mad at you for nothing at all."

"Kinda true." Sensing it was safe, Ryan slid from the arm onto the seat, trapping Jamie's foot for a moment. "It's getting old."

A few tears leaked out. "It is for me, too. I just don't know how to stop."

Patting her leg, Ryan sighed. "I don't have any ideas."

They sat there in silence, with Jamie crying softly. After a while, Ryan said, "I'm not going to cheat on you. That's all there is to it. If you don't believe me…we really should consider couples therapy or something, because I don't want to get married with this hanging over my head."

Her tears fell harder and Jamie threw her arms around Ryan, hugging her fiercely. "I hate myself for being jealous. I truly hate myself."

Ryan stroked her side soothingly, kissing the top of Jamie's head. "That's not going to help, baby. I don't know what is, but getting angry with yourself isn't the answer."

"I heard you on the phone and I wanted to rip it out of your hand. I despise that girl, for no reason other than she's cute and has great hair. Why am I like that?" she asked miserably.

"I don't know. But I can't change my personality to avoid making you mad." Her voice took on added certainty. "I won't." She continued to pat and stroke Jamie, after a few minutes adding, "I did that for a while, and it didn't work."

"When…what did you do?" Jamie looked up at Ryan, eyes red-rimmed and swollen.

"If you're going to be monogamous, you have to avoid temptation. My father told me that, and he's right. I knew I had to do that, but I started getting carried away."

"How? I didn't notice anything."

"It was mostly with Mia," Ryan said, shaking her head. "I know that she's really into Jordan, and I know she's a very good friend to both of us, but I found myself avoiding being alone with her."

Turning in her seat, Jamie stared, slack-jawed. "That's what she meant!"

"What?"

"Mia told me you were acting weird around her."

"It wasn't weird," Ryan said defensively. "Well, maybe it was a little weird. But sometimes she looks at me like I'm…on display." She looked adorably embarrassed and Jamie hugged her tightly. "Well, I was trying to be really safe, so I'd practically run away when she'd do that."

Finally laughing, Jamie said, "You don't have to worry about Mia. She does that to everyone."

"Not to you."

Thoughtfully, Jamie nodded. "She thinks of me like a sister. But she thinks you're sizzling hot, 'cause you are."

"It was making me uncomfortable because I didn't want you to think I was encouraging it, so I tried to avoid it completely. Which was impossible!" she said, exasperated. "One night I was doing pushups and she was lurking around, watching me. That's not right."

"That's just Mia. Don't let it bother you."

"It wouldn't if I knew it wouldn't bother you. I've had aggressive girls check me out before. I can handle Mia."

Jamie stroked her partner's cheek lovingly. "I promise I'll never be jealous of Mia. She's really harmless. She just thinks about things and doesn't have the filter that most of us have. She's like a little kid who asks pregnant women why they're fat."

"Did she have parents?" Ryan asked, a half smile showing.

"Yeah. You've met them. They didn't do a good job of teaching her self control in many areas. But I love her, and I know you do too."

"I do. But I love you more, and I want to get to the bottom of this. It can't keep coming up like this. It's too destructive."

"I know," Jamie moaned. "What can we do?"

"Let's go to church tomorrow," Ryan said, seemingly from out in left field. "Maybe we can get a free counseling session out of your grandfather."

"It's a deal. Now can we put this aside for the night?"

Ryan picked up an imaginary object and turned to put it on the floor next to the love seat. "Done."

* * *

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After the service on Sunday, they didn't have to work hard to convince Charlie to join them for lunch. As always, Jamie let him pick the restaurant, and he chose one of his old favorites not too far from Nob Hill. Charlie tended to like the kind of fare that Martin and his brothers liked -simply prepared protein with potatoes and possibly a green vegetable. That wasn't Jamie's idea of good eating, but her grandfather didn't eat out for many meals and she wanted him to have what he liked.

After they had all ordered, Charlie smiled and turned his attention from Ryan to Jamie. "I'm always a little worried when people in the marriage preparation class want to meet with me for a talk."

"You have good instincts," Ryan said with a half smile.

"It's nothing bad, Poppa." Jamie snuck a quick look at Ryan then added, "Maybe it's a little bad."

"Tell me what's going on. I know you were both taken aback by the results of your surveys."

"We were, but the problem isn't that we have disagreements, it's that we don't know how to solve them," Jamie said.

Grinning, Charlie said, "That is the hard part. During our class, you talked about your differing levels of religious faith. Has something else come up?"

"Yes," Jamie said. "A couple of things." She looked at Ryan. "Do you mind?"

"No. I'll talk." Ryan scooted to the edge of her seat and looked at Charlie. "We've got three big issues: fidelity, money, and religious faith. I think we understand each other's position, but that isn't helping us to make any progress."

"I'm surprised to hear that fidelity is an issue," Charlie said, frowning. "But that is true for the majority of couples, so don't feel that you're alone."

"No, no," Ryan said hurriedly. "It's not an issue in actuality. The problem, in my view, is that Jamie can't trust me one hundred percent, and I'm not willing to live with less than that."

"Is that how you see things?" he asked Jamie.

"That's definitely part of it. But it's not so much that I don't trust Ryan and more that my jealousy gets in the way, even though it's usually unfounded."

"It's always unfounded," Ryan said, looking hurt.

Jamie's mouth contracted into a small pout. It was an expression Ryan had seen many, many times, and it was usually a harbinger of an unpleasant conversation.

"Not always," Jamie insisted.

Ryan's eyes stared fiercely at Jamie. "How so?"

Sighing, Jamie said, "This is another conversation we've had many times, and we've never come to a real peace over it." She sat there for a moment with both Ryan and Charlie's full attention. "We don't agree on the strict definition of fidelity." Her eyes shifted nervously in Ryan's direction. "When I bring this up, it sounds like I'm on my moral high horse, but I don't feel that way. Do you understand, honey?"

Ryan nodded, looking weary. She turned to Charlie and said, "When I was single I had some very brief relationships with women who were committed to somebody else. When Jamie and I were first together, I told her that I thought what I'd done was wrong and I deeply regretted it." She shrugged, looking embarrassed. "I really believed that at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I had to acknowledge that my original feelings really hadn't changed. I didn't think it was wrong when I did it, and I still don't." She paused, looking embarrassed. "That worries Jamie, and I can see why."

Jamie reached out and grasped her hand. "You can?" she said, looking relieved. "That's the first time you've ever said that."

Ryan gave her a hesitant smile. "I'm evolving."

Charlie reached out and put a hand on each woman's arm. "I'm entirely confident that you two will have a long, happy marriage, but I think we all made a mistake in trying to have the ceremony this August. There's a reason we want people to be together for two years, and it's a good one."

"But you agreed that we'd been through so much this year that our time together has been the equivalent of a much longer relationship," Jamie said.

"I'm evolving too." He smiled warmly. "If you two are determined to have your ceremony in August, I won't fight you. But it's not what I recommend. I've performed the marriage ceremony for an awful lot of people, and the happiest relationships are the ones where people have been working on their issues for quite a while. There are just no shortcuts to finding resolutions."

"Do we have more issues than most people?" Ryan asked, looking atypically vulnerable.

Charlie laughed. "Not by a long shot. Two or three big issues is the minimum I've seen. You are lucky that you like each other's families and you don't have children from previous relationships. Those two can be fatal."

"I like some members of Jamie's family better than others," Ryan said, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"That's perfectly fine. And perfectly understandable. Do you need time to talk about this alone?"

Jamie looked at her partner and almost simultaneously they shook their heads. "I think we should wait," Ryan said.

"I do too. We didn't even talk about her money issue, Poppa, and it's not insignificant."

"Knowing Ryan a little bit, I think I can guess what your money issue is. Everyone believes that you can't have too much money, but coming into a lot of money is difficult to adjust to."

"It sure is for me," Ryan said. "And that drives Jamie nuts."

"Not nuts," Jamie demurred, "but it gets a little old. Kind of like my jealousy."

Looking at Charlie again, Ryan said, "I think we've both known that we're rushing things. We still don't have a place for the wedding and we haven't sent out invitations. I think we might have been subconsciously sabotaging our plans."

"Mom and I have looked at a dozen places and none of them seem right," Jamie said. "It feels like there are too many decisions to make in too short a time. I've been putting off decisions that I would usually make pretty quickly, so I guess you're right. As always," Jamie said, smiling at her partner.

The server approached with a large tray and started placing dishes in front of each of them.

"So, we'll just leave the date open?" Ryan said.

"How about same time next year?" Jamie asked. "We'll have been together two years, and if we're not ready by then-"

"That works for me," Ryan said, cutting her off before Jamie had to say the unthinkable. "And I'd like to be more involved in the planning. It's not fair to ask you to make all the decisions."

"After lunch we'll go back to my house and I'll check the schedule," Charlie said. "At this point it should be pretty open."

"And if we still don't think we're ready to get married, we'll just have a big party on that day," Ryan said, smiling devilishly. "I'm sure it'll be at a gorgeous place, and all of our friends will be there, so we should be good to go. Par-tay!"

* * *

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They ate their lunch, chatting about the busy wedding schedule Charlie had for the entire summer. They were waiting for dessert when Jamie looked at Ryan and said, "Does it really make sense to get married?"

Rolling her eyes, Ryan said, "That's a crazy question. We just have a few-"

"No, no, I'm not asking that right. What I mean is, why have a ceremony? What will it give us that we don't have?"

Ryan took a quick look at Charlie. "Uhm...it'll be a church wedding. That's what you want."

"Yeah..." She also sought Charlie's gaze. "But something about it seems off."

He reached across the table and put his hand over hers. "Tell me what you mean."

"Well, if Ryan and I had the same beliefs, it would be something we were both doing. But if I'm the only one making a vow to God..."

Ryan looked more than a little aggrieved. "I can't lie, Jamers."

Jamie reached out and grabbed her hand, shaking it quickly. "I don't want you to. That's my point. Getting married isn't legal, and if we're not doing for religions reasons it's just a big party."

Making a face, Ryan said, "That's how I've been thinking about it. I already promised you that I'd be your spouse. That's all the counts for me."

Charlie said, "Would you feel different if the state recognized your marriage?"

Ryan shrugged."I guess." Then she nodded more firmly."Yeah, I would."

"That's always an option," Charlie said. "It won't be long."

Jamie looked unconvinced, but she said, "I'm not ready to get on the schedule for next year. Let's see what happens."

"Is that okay with you?" Charlie asked Ryan.

"I guess." Ryan peered at Jamie carefully. "Yeah. I guess it is."

* * *

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The day was fine and the breeze off the Bay was calming, a perfect day for a walk from Nob Hill to the Noe Valley. Jamie and Ryan left the restaurant holding hands, but that was their only form of communication for much of the walk. They were only about ten blocks from home when Jamie said, "How are you feeling about all of this?"

"Not great. I think it was the right decision, but I'm a little off." She gave Jamie a sad smile. "Do you know what I mean?"

"I think so. I feel like we failed, at least a little bit, and that's depressing."

"Yeah. That feels right." Ryan's shoulders rose and dropped, then she tossed her hair over her shoulder and got a partial look at the Bay. She turned fully, then stopped. "I'd feel a heck of a lot worse if it wasn't such a beautiful day." She took in a big breath of the clean, dry air. "I always think it's going to smell like salt, but it never does up here. I wonder why that is."

Jamie took her hand again and the two of them stood on the sidewalk, their weight back on their heels to balance the steep incline of the hill. There wasn't another person around, a very common phenomena on the far side of Nob Hill.

Conversationally, Ryan said, "I can't imagine living anywhere else. When I look at that bright blue Bay and feel the wind whipping my hair around, I feel like I'm just where the universe wants me to be." She turned her head and smiled when Jamie's eyes met hers. "I love all the foggy days because it makes the beautiful ones so much more special."

She put her arm around Jamie's shoulders and hugged her close. "That's how I feel about the women I was with before you. I was vaguely unsatisfied with every woman I ever spent a significant amount of time with-until you."

Jamie turned so she could get both of her arms around Ryan's waist. They stood just like that, holding each other tenderly for a long time. They were both gazing at the Bay, watching sailboats tip and bounce and glide along, great white sails snapping.

"You know what I'm thinking?"

"Yep," Jamie said confidently. "We should ask your brothers if they want to join us."

Ryan flinched. "I was thinking we should make love."

"Yikes! I saw all of those beautiful sailboats and thought that we should grab a bunch of people and go sailing." She gave Ryan a squeeze. "You must have thought my response was mad."

"That would've made it one hell of a day. We decide to put off our marriage, then you want to drag a couple of my brothers into the bedroom with us." She shivered, clearly unable to get the image out of her head. "Then I'd have to tell those strangers in our marriage prep class about it. Hey," she said smiling brightly, "can we drop out?"

"No," Jamie said, playfully biting the end of Ryan's nose. "We cannot drop. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna make you go take it every six months for punishment."

Knowing she was teasing, Ryan stuck her tongue out. "Well, since we're not gonna have sex with my brothers, maybe we should go sailing alone and make love out on the Bay."

"We could. I just thought you'd like to be around your family today."

"How many people can that boat hold?"

"A lot."

They started to walk again, with Ryan saying, "That just reinforces how ready we are to be married. You know me better than I know myself. I'm a little upset, and being with my family doing something fun is the best thing in the world to cure that."

Jamie gave her another fond squeeze. "Lovemaking tends to have a good effect on your mood too."

"How true that is. But we can easily do both, we just have to do them in order."

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They ended up sailing with Brendan, Maggie, Conor, Kevin, Frank, Donal, Tommy, and Caitlin. It was the first time aboard a sailboat for everyone except Brendan, Maggie, and Conor, and only Caitlin was completely without fear. Even though Ryan had only been sailing a few times, she took it upon herself to encourage the others as well as give them a very stern safety talk.

Conor butted in to say, "The first time she went sailing, this big thing hit her," he slapped his hand against the boom, "and knocked her right into the water."

Ryan not so gently patted his cheek while the others laughed. "Should I tell everyone who was driving the boat?"

"They're not interested in that part. But I bet every one of them is thinking about what you would look like being tossed around like a doll."

"It wasn't funny, Conor," Jamie called out from behind the wheel.

"It wasn't then; it is now." He looked at Ryan and shrugged and she reciprocated with the exact same gesture. "She still doesn't get us," he said.

"She's trying," Ryan said. "You've gotta give her credit for that."

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Maggie had been sailing many times on Lake Michigan, so after ascertaining that she really did know what she was doing, Jamie turned over the wheel. The landlubbers were doing well, sitting around the cockpit getting ready to make fun of Brendan whom Maggie was going to teach how to steer. Jamie could have stayed with them but she was drawn towards the bow of the boat where Ryan sat. Caitlin stood between her legs holding on to the lifelines, the lowest of which was just about eye level for her.

The water was choppy, as always, and Jamie had to hold on to various stays, sheets, and pieces of hardware to get to the bow of the forty-five foot yacht. Just as she started to sit down, they hit a trench and the boat came up to meet her butt. "Yow!"

Ryan turned. "Are you okay back there?"

Jamie scooted up behind her partner, wrapping her legs around her from behind. "Yeah. I just sat down a little faster than I expected to. Do you think Annie would approve of Caitlin being up here?"

Ryan smiled devilishly, the sun glinting off her teeth. "Doesn't know. Won't hurt her."

"You do have a good grasp on her, don't you?"

Ryan turned around even further and frowned. "I'm kind of fond of the kid." She leaned to the side, letting Jamie see that she was holding on to the loop at the top of Caitlin's life jacket with one hand, while the other encased a chubby thigh.

"I couldn't see from here." Jamie rested her chin on Ryan's shoulder until another sharp dip made her teeth clatter. "Damn! I'm taking a beating today."

"Dan! Dan! Dan!" Caitlin shouted over the waves, bending at her thighs with each repetition.

Ryan gave Jamie a superior look. "Bang!" she said loudly the next time the boat slapped against the sea.

"Ban! Ban! Ban!" Caitlin shouted, joyous at the thrill.

Salt spray hit them all in the face and Caitlin sputtered for a few moments, but she didn't let it ruin the moment. Every time Ryan or Jamie made a noise or cried out, she mimicked them, turning around occasionally to make sure they were having fun too.

"That is the most reckless kid I've ever been around," Jamie said. "What will she be like when she learns how to ride a bike?"

Somberly Ryan shouted over the baby's screams, "If she's anything like me, they should never teach her to ride."

* * *

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Having a group of family members all in one place, Ryan broke the news of their deferred marriage. "None of you have to put on a suit in August. We've decided we're not ready to get married."

"I can give you some tips for the honeymoon, if that's what you're worried about," Frank said, smirking.

"I think I've got that covered." Ryan gave him a sickly smile. "We've got to send invitations out this week, and we still haven't found a good place to have the ceremony. We've just run out of time."

"When will you have it?" Maggie asked.

"We don't have a firm date," Jamie said. "But we'll give everyone plenty of notice."

"I've been amazed you've been planning on having it this year," Maggie said. "Having a wedding it a full time job."

"We bit off more than we could chew," Ryan said, putting her arm around Jamie, looking very relaxed as they sat next to each other in the cockpit.

"Speaking of chewing, when do we eat?" Conor asked. "Let's get shakin'."

Jamie was back at the helm, and Ryan got up. "I'll start bringing the food up." She slipped past her cousins to go to the galley. Conor was sitting the closest and he got up and followed her.

"What gives?" he asked immediately.

"'Bout what?" She started rooting through the bags they'd brought from the deli.

"You know what." He was unloading as fast as she was. "What's with the wedding? I don't buy the excuse that you're too busy."

Leaning back and looking at him with a smirk, she said, "You don't buy it, huh?"

"Nope. Something's wrong or you wouldn't put it off. I know you."

"I'm sure you do." She smiled again, knowing that it looked forced. "But we waited too long to get started."

"If you really wanted to get married now, you'd do it at Catherine's and just call people to invite them. Marta could provide a wedding reception with ten hours notice."

Ryan started to argue, then decided that it didn't make any sense to lie to Conor. If he didn't believe her, he'd make up his own reasons. "Okay." She put her hands on the counter and took in a breath. "We've got a couple of big issues that we haven't worked out yet. We could get married now, but Charlie thinks we should wait."

"How long?"

"Don't know. We might wait until it's legal."

"That'll be years!"

"Yeah, it could be." Ryan shrugged.

"What are your issues? They must be bad."

"No, they're not too bad. Probably the same ones everyone has."

"Past girlfriends?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, not technically, but Jamie'd like it if I had been with as many women as she has." She chortled softly as she tried to hold onto the counter while putting the antipasto on a tray.

"Elvis has left that building."

"Yeah, I know. And that's not really the issue. It's much more complex than that." She faced him and looked into his eyes. "We're fine, Con. We're over the moon about each other and that's not going to change." She squeezed his shoulder. "We're just trying to be mature about this and take our time."

"Are you sure?" His blue eyes, so like her own, stared, unblinking.

"Positive. I'm disappointed, but I think it's best."

He went back to work, neatly arranging sandwiches on a rectangular tray. "So…is it the number of girls…?"

"No, it's not like that. She's just…" She took in a breath. "To be honest, she's got some doubts about whether I can be faithful."

He stopped abruptly and stared at her. "Are you shitting me?" he asked loudly.

"Shh! Keep it down." Ryan looked up to see if any of the others heard him. "Why are you so shocked?"

"If you promised her you were going to hop on one foot for a year, she could bet the fuckin' farm on it. When you make a promise, it's done." He clapped his hands together. "I'd be worried about her if I was you. She's the one who comes from bad stock." His cheeks were flushed and he looked like he was about to spit.

Ryan put her hand on his shoulder again and spent a moment feeling the indignation that radiated from him. Unable to stop herself, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. He put his hand on her back then slid both arms around her.

"I can't stand to have anyone cut you down. You don't deserve that. Ever," he said hotly.

Pulling away, Ryan smiled at him, fighting the tears that threatened to come. "Mam would love that you always look out for me. She'd rest easy."

He misted up as well, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I promised her that I'd always look out for you, and my word is as good as yours."

"I know that." She leaned forward and kissed his bristly cheek. "Jamie's not cutting me down, far from it. She knows she doesn't have anything to worry about. But finding out about her dad's past has been hard for her. It's made her suspicious of promises."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But Jim's a class-A dick. That didn't just start in the past year. Jamie wasn't able to see what was right in front of her eyes." He went back to work once again, adding, "You might want to think about that while you're thinking."

Ryan busied her hands, but her head lingered on Conor's comment. She didn't want to admit it, but he had a point. One that she'd considered many times. If Jamie had been so sure her father was a great guy, how could Ryan be sure Jamie's opinion of her was based on reality?

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They were one of the last boats back for the night. It wasn't fully dark, but it was close when they finished putting on the boom cover and battening the hatches. Luckily, Caitlin was asleep, so worn out that she didn't notice being handed off from Ryan to Tommy on the dock. They'd come in three cars, and Jamie and Ryan were alone in Jamie's car on the way home.

"How are you feeling now?" Jamie asked, seeing her partner's serene face.

"Great. Really great. We've gotta go sailing more often. It's crazy having this boat just sit there!"

"You're right. We've got the time, let's get over here every week."

"I'm down with that."

"Hey, just because we're not getting married now doesn't mean we should skip the honeymoon."

"We had that," Ryan said, smiling at her. "Pebble Beach, just a couple of weeks ago. Did you forget already?"

"You know I didn't." Jamie reached over and pinched Ryan's thigh. "But that wasn't a honeymoon. That's our making love anniversary. I want to take you to Ireland."

"Yeah." Ryan sighed. "I need to go. My grandparents are having their sixtieth anniversary in a couple of weeks. If we'd gone for our honeymoon, we would have been able to have a delayed celebration with them."

"So? What do you say?"

Ryan sat up straighter. "About what?"

Jamie took a quick look at her. "About going to Ireland."

"I agree. We need to go."

"When?"

"You want me to decide that now, just in the blink of an eye?" She sounded nearly outraged.

Laughing, Jamie said, "It's not that big a deal; it's just a trip. I could be ready to go tomorrow."

"Tomorrow! I'm stressing out about Sydney, and that's not for weeks!"

"We should go before Sydney," Jamie said seriously. "We're not back from there until October."

"Oh, no," Ryan said, her voice high and wobbly. "I couldn't possibly do that. We'll have to go after Sydney."

"When?" Jamie asked again.

"Soon. Don't worry about it; we'll go soon."

Jamie cast a quick glance at her, seeing Ryan start to chew on her lip, a sure sign of anxiety. "You don't have to decide today, honey, but we do need to go. I want to go."

"Yeah, yeah, me too."

Jamie was fairly sure that falser words were never spoken.

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They were getting ready for bed, and even though she knew this wasn't the ideal time, Jamie brought up what she knew would be a sore subject. "It seems like you're not ready to make plans to travel."

"I will." Ryan's voice had just enough of an edge in it to show she was going to delay as long as possible.

Jamie pulled her into a hug and made loud kissing noises against her neck. "I'm not harping. Really." She released her, smiling when Ryan kissed her back in a gentler fashion. "But…I'm gonna use this opportunity to go visit my dad."

Hesitantly, Ryan said, "Okay. When?"

"Mmm, I could go tomorrow, but I think I'll wait until Wednesday."

"This week?" It was as though Jamie had said she was going to Venus on a craft she'd just whipped up.

"Yes, honey, this week. Wanna go with me?"

"This week?" Ryan pointed to the bed, as if the week was beneath them.

"Yes. This very week. Three days from now."

Her dark head was shaking quickly. "No, no, no, I couldn't go that soon."

"Why?" Jamie knew she was taunting Ryan, but it was kind of fun.

"Uhm, it's too soon. We've got the barbecue tomorrow..."

"Want me to wait? I'll put it off a week or even two, but that's my limit."

Shaking her head again, Ryan said, "You'd better just go. I can't decide right now. I haven't had enough time to think about it."

"Sure?" Jamie got up and went to the computer. "I'm gonna send my dad a note and then make reservations."

Ryan sat up, her expression comically astounded. "Just like that."

"Yep. Just like that."

She extended her hand with a small flourish. "Be my guest."

"Thanks. I will." Jamie started to write the note, feeling Ryan's eyes on her, but not acknowledging their amazement.

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The Breast Cancer Walk foursome had gotten into a very good habit of going for a walk a couple of times a week, often on the mornings that Jamie and Ryan were in San Francisco. Maeve and Catherine went without them if they weren't there, but when the four of them went together they went further at a faster pace, which was just what they needed to do to be ready.

One morning, after they'd walked Maeve back to her house, Catherine proposed that they all keep going and walk to her home in Pacific Heights.

"I think I need some extra work. Since I haven't been playing tennis frequently, I've really let things slip. I feel like I'm the one slowing Maeve down."

"My aunt has been a walker for years," Ryan said, "and she pushes Caitlin around the hills of Noe Valley almost as easily as I do. But I think you're doing fine, Catherine. I don't think you're going to have difficulty with this walk at all."

"I think I need some more work on the hills, so I'm going to start walking over to pick Maeve up instead of driving over."

"And it's good for the environment, too," Ryan said. They kept walking, approaching a fairly steep hill. They were all quiet as they climbed it, and it took Catherine a minute to catch her breath after they had crested it.

"Well, I made it. But I think there are two more between here and my house."

"At least two," Jamie said. "When I first started coming over here to see Ryan, only her irresistible charm kept me coming back. These hills almost set me right back home."

"We can take the bus home," Ryan said, smiling sweetly.

"You just say that because there isn't a direct bus, and you know I won't want to change three times to get home."

"That might have played a part in my decision-making process before making the offer." She put her arm around Jamie's shoulders and gave her a squeeze

"I know what would make the time fly by," Catherine said. "Ryan and I can have an argument."

Ryan stared at her, clearly puzzled. "Do we have many arguments?"

"No, but I don't often try to give you money."

"Money? Why would you want to give me money?"

"Because of the enormous sums you saved me by urging me to get out of the tech stocks in which I was overly invested."

Ryan waved her hand. "Oh, that was just dumb luck. The person who convinced me was my father, so you can give him a bonus."

"That's not true," Catherine said. "Your thesis, or your project-whatever you call it-told you very clearly that the market was too high and it was time to sell. Don't act like that didn't happen," Catherine said, waving her finger near Ryan's face.

"No, it happened. But I kept thinking that I was wrong. It was just a projection, and those are wrong so often, it's not funny. It was really my father who made me step back and look at things in a way that an outsider would. I think that's probably part of the problem with professional investing: you get so caught up in it that it's hard to step back and say 'this is ridiculous'.''

"Well, I know I'll never get your father to take any money; I thought I might have better luck with you."

"Tell your mother how that recently went for you," Ryan said, winking at Jamie.

"Do you really want me to tell her?" Ryan nodded, and Jamie turned and saw Catherine's expectant smile. "When Ryan and I were playing the stock market game, I was convinced that we both knew what we were doing. Since I had some extra money, I invested it, but I opened two accounts-one in my name and one in Ryan's. I did well, but Ryan did even better. She's more of a gambler than I am."

Ryan interrupted. "Only if I think it's a game. I'm not very darned reckless when it comes to real money."

"How much do you make? Or is that an incredibly rude question?" Catherine asked

"Too much," Ryan said. "So much that I was insufferable for a couple of weeks. Jamie was about to put me in a steamer trunk and send me packing."

Jamie took her hand and linked their fingers together. She looked up at Ryan with undisguised affection. "You weren't that bad. You felt as if I had tricked you, and, in a sense, I had."

Laughing, Ryan said, ""t wasn't just 'in a sense'. You did trick me. But I can understand why you did it and your motives were good. So eventually I decided to stop being an ass, even though I'm still having a tough time getting acclimated to having a bank account balance with all of those zeros in it."

"I suppose that means you won't take my money?" Catherine asked, her eyes twinkling just as Jamie's often did when she was teasing.

"No, I don't think so. But feel free to take whatever you would like to share with me and give it to the AIDS Ride. Jamie already made a generous contribution, but I still feel bad that I'm not going to ride this year."

"That's a good idea," Catherine said. "I'll make a donation in your name."

Ryan started to nod, then she said, "Would you make it in my cousin Michael's name? Using his name helps keep him alive a little bit for me." She was smiling, but as always when she spoke of Michael, her smile was diluted with sadness. "Michael Brendan Driscoll. Twenty-eight short years on this beautiful planet."

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A few days later, Catherine and Maeve were walking through Golden Gate Park when Maeve asked, "Have you spoken to Giacomo lately? You haven't mentioned him much."

"I haven't?" Catherine looked briefly puzzled. "I suppose I don't talk about him as often as I think about him." She laughed. "No one would be able to stand it."

"Do you speak to him often?"

"Fairly often. Probably two or three times a week. I haven't told him this, but I'm considering selling my apartment in Milan."

"Really? Why would you do that? Isn't it difficult enough to see him?"

"Yes, it is. But I don't like seeing him there. I love Italy, and part of the reason I bought the apartment was to be closer to the art scene. And of course I love going to the opera in Milan. I've also been known to go to a runway show or two. But since I've taken up with Giacomo, I'm not as comfortable there. It feels like I'm on his turf, and I think I'd be happier seeing him someplace more neutral."

"I assume you have someplace in mind?"

"I do. I think I'm going to buy a place in New York. I've always wanted to spend more time there, and it appeals to me more than any place in Europe right now."

"But how will that help-"

"Giacomo frequently has to go to New York. It's about a six or seven hour trip for him and roughly the same for me. I think it would be good for us to have a place that could be ours, together."

"It sounds like you given a lot of thought to this."

"I've given it some thought. Things just seem to happen where Giacomo's concerned, and I want to take more control. Meeting in a neutral place feels like it will be more of a vacation for both of us."

"How do you think he'll feel about this?"

"My guess is that he won't like it. Actually, I'm fairly sure he won't. He would really like me to visit him every month, but I'm not going to do that. Even though he and his wife now have what I suppose one would call an open marriage, having me in town that frequently could be destabilizing. And even though I've done number of things that I know are wrong, I will not be a party to helping their marriage dissolve."

"How would this be different?" Maeve looked interested, but also confused. "You'd still be seeing him…he'd still be married."

"All true. But I think it would be better if I let him make his trips to New York for business and then I could go and visit him. I think he'd be less tempted to be away from home as frequently as he would if I were to visit Milan as much as he wants me to." She had a wry smile on her face and she added, "Having an affair isn't as easy as it looks on television."

"Are you really having an affair? It hardly seems like it, given that his wife not only knows about your relationship but approves of it."

Catherine still wore a faint smile, but it was tinged with sadness. "I can call it anything I want, but I'm in love with a married man. I think that's the textbook definition of an affair."

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They continued their walk but Catherine was uncharacteristically silent for a long time. Tentatively, Maeve said, "I didn't upset you by asking about Giacomo, did I?"

"Of course not! I'm happy to talk about any part of my life with you. I hope you feel the same."

"I do. I think it's rather odd, but I find myself telling you things I wouldn't tell some of my oldest friends."

"I feel the same way. Every once in a while you find a friend that you know you can trust, someone who understands you. And when you find someone like that, my advice is to hold on tightly."

"I agree. I'm very glad Jamie brought you into our lives."

"I am too. You have no idea how glad I am."

Catherine threaded her arm around Maeve's and they walked for a long time, arms linked but words very rare. They'd gone over a quarter mile when Catherine sighed and said, "There are so many times that I wish things had worked out between Jim and me. I know Jamie was happier when we were a family."

Eyes wide, Maeve said, "I wouldn't have guessed you'd say that. Ever."

"Just a thought I have sometimes. I suppose my feelings center mostly around Jamie. I know how hard this has been for her."

"That's probably true, but it's not fair of children to ask that their parents' feelings never change. I know what it's like to be in a loveless marriage, and I wouldn't wish it on the devil himself."

"I wouldn't say that Jim and I had a loveless marriage. As a matter of fact, I frequently find myself missing him."

Maeve stopped in her tracks and stared at Catherine. "You've shocked me twice today. Are you serious? After how you talk about Giacomo, I assumed Jim never crossed your mind."

"No, he crosses my mind all the time. In an ideal world I would have an amalgam of the two of them."

Smiling suspiciously, Maeve said, "Now, how would that work?"

Catherine smiled in a devilish way. Her eyes danced with interest as she made up her imaginary man. "I'd have Giacomo for the romance. Being with him is almost like being in an opera. He professes his love for me with all the passion of the love-struck tenor."

"Oh, my," Maeve said, giggling. "I can't imagine what that would be like."

"It's divine," Catherine said, almost swooning. "And he can be so poetic. He doesn't have many practical bones in his body, whereas Jim, well, you know Jim." She laughed. "He's the antithesis of Giacomo. He's practical and prudent, and he knows exactly what his next step is going to be."

"That's how he seems. I don't know him well, at all, but he seems very practical."

"Completely. Sometimes it's for good and sometimes it's for evil, but he's planning the next step while taking the first. And even though he wasn't an art lover, he was a very good companion at the hundreds of benefits and openings and exhibits that I took him to over the years."

"That's hard to get a man to do. Did he complain?"

"No. Never. And he didn't act like he was just doing it to make business contacts or to get his face in the paper, although I'm sure that was part of it. He's a curious person by nature, and he wanted to know more about art and music and other cultural things he had never been exposed to."

"He sounds like a good partner," Maeve said thoughtfully.

"In many ways, he was. If I had been enough for him, he would have easily been enough for me."

"It's a pitiful shame, that's what it is. I can't imagine not finding you attractive enough or interesting enough to hold his attention."

"Thank you for the generous compliment, but I'm not sure, in retrospect, that I was lacking. I think many powerful men are powerful because they have so much desire, whether that's desire for power or fame or notoriety. Sexual desire just seems like it's part and parcel. I think that for Jim it was more of a game than anything else. It's a way for a man to feel that he's still on top."

"I'll never understand it myself. I suppose it's just not something within my experience." Maeve laughed, her laugh so happy that it made passersby smile at her in return. "All I know is that my second marriage so far surpasses my first that it's hard to believe it's the same institution. I hope you can find what I have with the delightful, charming, albeit not very powerful Martin O'Flaherty."

"If he had a single twin, I'd throw myself at him," Catherine said, giggling.

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At six a.m. on Wednesday morning, Jamie wasn't as tired as she'd expected to be. She'd been able to sleep fairly soundly on the flight to Washington. Being alone on the red-eye allowed her to travel business class, with her seat reclined almost fully. The stewardess had supplied her with two pillows, as well as a blanket, and Jamie was able to curl up into a very comfortable sleeping position. In many ways it would have been much nicer to have Ryan with her, but if Ryan were with her, they would have travelled in economy.

Jim had promised he would have someone pick her up, and despite her protests, he had insisted. Jamie hadn't checked any bags, so she went right through to the Arrivals section of her terminal where a well dressed young man held a sign with her last name on it. She walked directly over to him and said, "Hi, I'm Jamie Evans."

He stashed his sign under an arm and extended his hand to shake. "I'm Ken Randolph, one of Senator Evans' aides. It's very nice to meet you, Ms. Evans."

He was probably younger than she was, and clearly more earnest, but Jamie waved off the formality. "If there isn't some rule against it, please call me Jamie." She smiled as brightly and warmly as she could at that hour of the morning, then wondered what time Ken had woken up to get to the airport.

Without another word, Ken led her to the car idling at the curb right in front of the terminal. It was a limousine, and Jamie thanked the heavens Ryan hadn't come, because she would have thrown a fit. Ken opened the door for her, then followed her inside. She blinked, wondering how he was going to drive, but he leaned through the open window and spoke to a man who wore an old fashioned limo drivers cap before they sped away.

Jamie settled into the seat and thought to herself, My tax dollars at work.

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It was a little after seven when they reached the hotel. Ken whisked Jamie past the reservations counter, saying, "I took care of that for you." He reached into his pocket and handed her a key card.

Unable to keep her thoughts to herself, Jamie said, "I can see where being a senator has its perks."

Looking very serious, Ken said, "It's a very difficult job, Ms. Evans...Jamie, I mean. I know it looks-like a lot of this is unnecessary, but the senators work twelve to sixteen hours most days. If these little details weren't taken care of for them, they wouldn't have time to do the job they're elected to do. They're working for all of us."

It was all Jamie could do not to giggle. She knew that members of Congress had jobs that were as difficult as most jobs at that level. She also knew that the perks were things that every powerful person demanded, not needed. A single mother with three children needed somebody to take care of a lot of details in her life, but she was out of luck.

Ken showed her to her room, which he pointed out was on the same floor as her father's apartment. He slid a duplicate key into her door and held it open for her. After he briefly explained all the features of the room, just as a hotel employee would have, he said, "Your father left for the office at seven. He assumed you'd want to sleep for a while. Whenever you're ready, I'll take you over to the Capitol.'

Jamie paused just long enough to try to figure out where Ken would be waiting while she slept and why he was obviously going to have a key to her room.

He was a very intuitive young man, since he said, "I'll be downstairs in the lobby. You take as long as you need."

"I'm actually feeling good. I think I'll take a shower and change clothes, and then have something to eat."

"In that case, I can take you over to the Capitol. Your father is attending a breakfast and he said he'd love to have you join him, if you felt up to it."

Jamie looked at her watch. "What time does it start?"

"Ten. Shall I have a car waiting?"

"Sure. It's probably not allowed, but a cab would be fine."

Ken gazed at her for a second, then shook his head. "The car is better."

"Okay." Jamie realized she could spend her time arguing about perks, or just give in and follow along. "When should I be ready? I assume it will take some time to get through Security."

He smiled quickly. "They know you're coming. If we leave by nine, we'll have ample time."

As Ken left to cool his heels in the lobby, Jamie wondered who "they" were, and whether they also had a key to her room.

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Jamie was ready by nine and they were at the side door of the capitol by 9:15. She stood next to the limo for a moment and gazed up at the magnificent building, stark white against the bright blue June sky. Despite the clear sky, it was humid and close, weather with which she had almost no experience. "I think it's going to be hot today."

Ken tore his attention away from his PDA and looked up at the sky. "It's June," he said, as if that explained it all.

They entered the stately entrance and Ken guided her to a line marked "Members". The other line was long and moving slowly, but she sailed right through, with Ken going ahead and smoothing the way. She was given a badge that said "Senate Guest" with her name imprinted on it, obviously thanks again to Ken's diligence.

They walked quickly through the halls, passing beautiful portraits, statuary, and people rushing in all directions. Ken escorted her to a luxurious meeting room next to the Senate dining room, which he had discreetly pointed out. Jamie stood near the door and scanned the room, feeling a burst of excitement when she saw her father talking animatedly with two other men. He looked great-younger than he had when he'd left for Washington-vaguely tan and impeccably dressed.

Most of the men wore dark suits, white shirts, and plain rep ties. They certainly looked like they cared about their appearance, but they were strikingly similar. Jim's gray pinstripe suit not only fit him beautifully, its cut was European and slim-fitting, unlike his peers whose suits were boxy and barely touched their bodies. Besides the suit, Jim's pink-white-and blue-striped shirt and gray tie made him stand out like a poppy in a field of dry grass. He looked to the door and spied her, immediately breaking off the conversation he was in and walking briskly to greet her.

"It's so good to see you, Cupcake." He hugged her tightly, clearly not standing on protocol.

Ignoring Ken, who was annoyingly close to her elbow, Jamie said, "Is it really okay that I'm here? This looks pretty serious." There were at least fifty people in the room, and every one of them looked like they were there for business.

"Oh sure. You know I'm on the energy committee? This is a working breakfast we have every week. It might be kind of boring, but we often have lobbyists and other interested parties sit in."

Jamie noted that people were taking their seats. "If you're sure…"

"Absolutely. Ken," he said, "sit over there next to Jason Farlington. I asked him to save you a spot." They walked over to the table, and Jason, having met her earlier in the year, nodded at Jamie. He was furiously texting, so that was the extent of their exchange. As Jim predicted, it was pretty boring meeting, but Jamie enjoyed seeing so many faces familiar from her years of watching CNN.

She leaned over to Ken and said, "Famous people always look less impressive when you see them in person. I wonder why that is."

He took a quick look around the room, as if looking at the senators from her perspective. "Well, a lot of them are pretty old. This is a good committee to be on, and there are a lot of powerful people on it. In Washington, especially in the Senate, longevity has its perks." He smiled, almost looking his age. "Looking good isn't one of them."

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After the meeting, half a dozen people jockeyed to get Jim's attention. Jason and a couple of acolytes jumped up and left as soon as was polite. Ken looked at the crowd around Jim and said, "You might want to have another cup of coffee. It might be a while before your father is free."

Jamie definitely had time for another cup of coffee, but she didn't ask for one. It wasn't that the food or the coffee was bad, it just wasn't good enough to put up with shaking hands from too drinking much of it.

"I can entertain myself," she said, hinting almost impolitely. "I'm sure you have better things to do than sit here."

He looked mildly offended. "No. Escorting you is the only thing on my call sheet, but if you'd rather I left…"

Wincing internally, she put her hand on his arm. "No, not at all. I just assumed you had a million things to do."

"Not yet. I've only been here two weeks."

He continued to look at her, but he had nothing else to say. She considered asking him a raft of questions but he didn't seem like the chatty sort, so she let her attention wander around the room, watching the very experienced crew disassemble the meeting room.

Finally Jim was free and, trailed by three assistants, he walked over to Jamie's table. "I'm sorry that took so long, honey." He quickly introduced her to his staff members and together they set off for his office. Striding through the halls of the Capitol behind her very important father, Jamie got a semblance of how it must feel to be one of those important people. On their way to the subway that ran the breadth of the Capitol complex, they passed groups of people on tours, all of whom craned their necks, trying to figure out who Jim was. Occasionally she would hear someone in a passing group say "California" or "Evans". She had to admit it gave her a little thrill at first, but that faded when a younger woman ran after her to take her picture. Being reminded of her infamy that resulted from their carjacking was always uncomfortable, and Jamie recalled what was like to be tabloid fodder for a few long weeks. The memory was unpleasant, and she assumed it always would be.

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Their entourage finally arrived at Jim's magnificent office. A bit awestruck, Jamie said, "I thought your office at the law firm was one of the nicest I've ever seen, but that one couldn't be the reception area for this one."

Smiling slyly, Jim said, "You'll notice you don't see a lot of pictures of senators in their offices. We like to be photographed at picnics and in front of factories. Th is kind of luxury isn't something to advertise to the voters."

His assistants all went to their desks in the large space, and Jim and Jamie were left alone in his office for a few moments. Jamie wandered around looking at all of his memorabilia, noting that almost everything personal was of her or from her. She was just about to comment on a photograph of the two of them together when his secretary buzzed.

He pressed the speakerphone button and said, "Yes?"

"Senator, I wouldn't bother you, but the Vice President is on the phone."

He met Jamie's eye and gave her a smile that could have come from a man forty years younger. "Put him through."

To Jamie's shock, he left the phone on speaker. "Mr. Vice President," he said confidently.

"How are you, Jim?"

"Today I'm great," he said, beaming at Jamie. "My daughter's here visiting me. She just graduated from Berkeley so she's finally got a little free time to come see the old man."

"Oh, I know all about how busy kids are. If you've got the time, bring her over. I'd love to meet your daughter."

Jamie's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. When Jim saw her expression he said, "We'll do that. I'll talk to your secretary and see when you have a minute."

"I always have a minute for you, Jim. I just wanted to check in and make sure you were going to be in attendance for the vote this afternoon. I know we can count on you."

Jim rolled his eyes. "As always, Mr. Vice President."

"That's what I like to hear. This is gonna be a close one, so we need every vote."

"I'll definitely be there, sir."

"Bring your daughter down to my Senate office after the vote. I'll wait there for you."

"That's a great idea. I'll see you this afternoon."

Jim clicked off and leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head, looking every bit the patrician senator. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Very, very cool. I have to call Ryan. She loves that he's one of the few people in government who will talk about the climate."

Sarcastically, Jim said, "Yeah, he cares a lot about the environment when he's not running for president. You'll notice you haven't heard one word about it in his stump speech."

"I have to admit I'm still on a media diet. I read The Times every morning, but I skip most of the national political stuff. It's too depressing."

"It's going to be a lot more depressing if the Republicans win. But the way the Democrats are running this campaign, one might think there was a conspiracy to elect the other side." His frown gave way to a half-grin. "But I've got faith in the country. We've had eight years of economic growth, inflation's low, we're at peace, and the stock market is through the roof. Only an idiot would vote for that privileged, pampered, fake cowboy." He shook his head. "Can you believe the nerve of a guy whose grandfather was a senator, his father the president, who went to both Yale and Harvard, and who's running as an outsider? It boggles the mind."

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From the time Jamie arrived until 11 o'clock that night, they were busy going from one spot to another. And she was only able to go home then by being completely unable to control her yawning at a reception held at the French Consulate.

She desperately wanted to fall into bed, but she hadn't been able to speak to Ryan for longer than three or four minutes. She called her cell and Ryan answered on the first ring, sounding slightly anxious.

"I've only got a minute," Ryan said. "I'm out with your mom."

"Taking over already, huh?"

"You know what an opportunist I am. I figure I'll be sole beneficiary by the end of the night."

"Yeah, that's you. So, did you miss me?"

Ryan chuckled softly. "So much so that your mom felt sorry for me. Hey, I've really gotta go. I assume you won't be up when I get home?"

"No chance. But I'm sleeping in tomorrow, so call me when you get up. I won't leave until I hear from you."

"I love you, Jamers."

"I love you, and my mom. Tell her so, okay?" She made several loud kissing noises, smiling when Ryan's laugh was the last sound she heard.

Jamie hung up, thinking that she had no idea where they were or why Ryan was in a hurry. She figured she'd find out the next day.

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Just after nine a.m., Jamie's cell phone rang and she rolled over and reached for it blindly. "Is this my wake-up call?" she asked, her voice rough with sleep.

"You're just waking up?"

"Yes, and even though you're three hours behind me, I assume you've already chopped wood and churned some butter."

"Nope. As a matter of fact, I'm still in bed."

"You?" Jamie laughed. "My mom must have kept you out pretty late."

"No, she didn't. But I'm in this really nice bed, and the sunlight is coming in and making me feel all lazy. The sheets are so soft it's like nestling into a hug."

"Where are you?" Jamie checked herself, thinking that she shouldn't state the obvious-that the bed and the sheets, as well as the pillows, at the O'Flaherty house were a far cry from Ryan's description.

"I'm in a big bed in a beautiful single family home in Pacific Heights. Boy, I never thought I'd say that."

"We could always buy our house there, you know."

"No, no, no," Ryan said reflectively. "Too far from home. But your mom invited me to stay last night, and I obviously have to have an Evans woman in the house to be able to sleep well."

"She's a Smith now. Don't forget that. I'm the one who's enveloped in the Evans aura."

With much more excitement, Ryan said, "That's so cool that you got to meet the vice president."

"He was really quite nice, much warmer than he seems on TV."

"That's not a very high bar to clear," Ryan said, chuckling. "So what else did you do yesterday?"

"Oh, all kinds of stuff. I got to be in the gallery when the Senate voted on an important spending bill; I got to meet about a hundred important people; we had lunch in the Senate dining room; and last night Daddy took me to a reception at the French Embassy." She laughed a little. "I think he wanted to show me off, as well as have me interpret for him."

"Gee, I should have been there. I could have asked them where the library was, or told them I wanted to go to the dance with Francois."

"That's about how much French my father knows, but it was kinda fun. He's really in a rarified atmosphere, and I think he's starting to like it."

"I've started seeing signs around town for his replacement, at least I hope he's the replacement. I don't know if I could stand to have a Republican senator."

"Daddy says the guy who's running for the seat is a lock. But he's not as confident about the presidency."

Almost testily, Ryan said, "We agreed not to talk about politics, and I think it's important to stick to that agreement."

"I'm sorry," Jamie said. "I know how invested you get."

"It just pisses me off so badly," Ryan said, her voice low and angry, "that it's perfectly acceptable for people to gather around and proclaim Christian virtues of vicious discrimination. It irritates the hell out of me that those intolerant jerks co-opted the term Christian Right. They are neither," she said, her words clipped.

"You don't have to convince me. I should be more angry than you are; I'm really a Christian." She paused for a second, hoping Ryan didn't take that the wrong way.

With a soft laugh, Ryan said, "I guess you're the Christian Left."

"There shouldn't be a direction attached to Christianity. One is a religion and the other is politics. It infuriates me that they ever got mixed up." Jamie took in a big breath. "You shouldn't get me so riled up when I actually have the opportunity to kick some of these old geezers in the shins."

"It certainly wasn't the main reason, but one of my many reasons for not wanting to come with you was that I'm so down on the whole political system. You know how I feel about the president, but even so, to impeach him for something so unrelated to his job just disgusts me. I don't think I could look at anybody who voted to impeach him and have even a hint of respect for them. I need a good long break from politics. I just want eight more quiet years of Democratic pragmatism. It's not great, but it's better than the alternative."

"I'm with you. But it's pretty cool to be here and be reminded of the founding of the country and the ideals that it was built on. It seems that the system is a long way from that idealism now, but I'm still enjoying myself."

"How does your dad seem? Is he happy?"

"He has shown himself to be quite adaptable to any level of luxury," Jamie said, laughing. "He's surrounded by people all day. They handle his schedule; they tell him who he's talking to next; they remind him of everyone's names; they bring him his favorite snacks in the afternoon; they schedule time for him to go to the gym and play basketball with the other senators. It's like the Bohemian Club, but with a lot more money."

"I can see him liking that. He's gonna have a rough reentry when he comes back home."

"I think that's true, especially if he's not named managing partner again. He told me today there's no guarantee that he'll get his old job back."

"But wouldn't his having been a senator be a good thing?"

"Oh sure, but they might prefer he spend his time finding new clients rather than managing the firm. I guess we'll just have to wait and see in January."

"I hope he enjoys his final months."

"Oh, he will. I'm confident in his abilities to grab every perk he can get his hands on."

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Jamie had convinced her father that she was able to handle her own transportation to the Capitol, so Ken was back doing whatever job he did when he wasn't playing tour guide. She arrived at her father's office well before eleven. The office was more casual and seemed more lively than it had been the day before. There was a hum of excitement that was impossible to miss. She spent a few moments talking to her father's secretary, who clued her in. "We're having our goodbye party for all of the interns. This is their last day."

"Interns? I didn't know that my father had interns."

"Oh, yes. We have twenty-two this term."

"Twenty-two!" Jamie almost shouted.

Her father's office door opened and four of his aides brushed past her. One of them was Kayla, who, even though she was engaged in a heated conversation, turned and met Jamie's eyes, giving her a discreet wave. Jim came out and put his arm around Jamie, urging her into his office.

"I'm glad you got here in time for the party."

"What do you do with twenty-two interns?" She was trying to process such a large number.

"Oh, a number of things. I let them figure out whether the''re interested in the drafting of legislation or the political side. Then I let them work with an aide to learn how whatever they're interested in gets done. Because of the upcoming election, a lot of them worked with my polling team."

"You're not running for office, Dad. Why would you have a polling team?"

"Someone's gonna be in this office in January, and if he's a Democrat, he's going to want to know how people in California feel about all of the issues that he's going to face the minute he takes his oath of office. If he's a Republican," he picked up a sheaf of papers and acted like he was ripping them into pieces, "he's on his own."

"How do you keep all of your interns busy? You run around like you're on fire."

"I don't do it. I have people to manage every part of this operation. Many of them have been attached to this office for twenty-five years. Senators may come and go, but a good staff member can hang around for decades." He checked his watch. "We've got about twenty minutes. Is there anything you want to do?"

Jamie sat down on one of his comfortable lounge chairs. "No, not really."

"Great. We'll just talk. How are you and Ryan spending all of your free time?"

She smiled. "It's easier for me than it is for her, but she's keeping busy. Did I tell you that we all went together to buy a good-sized apartment building in the city?"

"Who is 'we all'?"

"All of Ryan's cousins and her brothers and me."

He raised an eyebrow. "I think I can guess what your role is."

Slightly stung, but not surprised by his guess, she said, "Most of the money came from Ryan's cousin Niall, but I did make them a loan. We're all working to fix it up, then we're going to rent out the apartments. We think it's a good way to generate a little income."

He shrugged. "Real estate was never my thing. Th at's more your mother's bailiwick. Historically I've done pretty well with the stock market." He closed his eyes and rubbed his hand

over them for a minute. "Of course, I was bludgeoned by the tech stock collapse over the last couple of months. How Ryan guessed that is still one of the great mysteries of life."

Bristling, Jamie said, "Ryan spent a tremendous amount of time and energy coming up with that theory. I don't understand hardly any part of it, but it's more and more common for stock pickers to use mathematical models to predict trends."

"There are a lot of people with a lot more education and a lot more experience than Ryan O'Flaherty, and they all assured me that we were nowhere near the peak."

Grinning unrepentantly, Jamie said, "I guess they were wrong."

"I assume you acted on Ryan's recommendations."

"I did, and so did Mom. She actually tried to share some of her gains, but Ryan wouldn't hear of it."

He made a face, then said, "Well, you can't argue with the results. Maybe she is a mathematical genius."

"Well," Jamie said, drawing out the word. "If you want the real truth, she was confident at first, but she started to lose confidence when the market was still high past the date she thought it would fall. Her father is the one who convinced her to follow her assessment."

"A fireman is now your stock picker?"

"No, he's not interested in the stock market," Jamie said, knowing that would get under her father's skin. "He's just a sensible guy. He reminded Ryan that the tech stocks were all based on nothing but ideas, and that eventually other investors would realize that."

"The whole stock market is based on ideas!"

"Maybe, but once in a while people wake up and realize that and it scares them."

Jim started mumbling to himself, making Jamie shamelessly pleased.

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Jamie stayed up late that night to be awake enough to talk to Ryan. "Guess how many interns my father has?" Jamie asked.

"Uh-oh. Are we going to have another impeachment trial?"

"Ooo, that didn't occur to me. Well, the answer is that he has twenty-two. And it turns out that these aren't hard-working young government students. These are kids of donors and bigwigs in California Democratic circles. They come to Washington for a semester and the senator gets to be a hero. I saw two or three people who weren't white and wealthy. I assume those are the ones who will be on any publicity about the program."

"It sounds like somebody poked her head in the room and watched how they make the sausage."

Jamie chuckled. "I like that expression. It's kind of true, too. I think I like our government a lot more when I know less about it."

"I'm sure that's true for every government. Government and religion and the family are all wonderful concepts, but when you get down below the façade they're all made up of human beings. And human beings come in many variations of quality."

"I suppose that's true. I remember looking at some of the contemporary political commentary about George Washington. You would have thought he was Satan's brother."

"What's that they say? It's a horrible system, but the best one we've come up with."

"Well, I'm glad to see my father, and I'm glad that he's fitting in so well here, but I'm ready to come home tomorrow night."

"I'm ready to have you come home tonight. In the next ten minutes would be really nice."

"Where are you? Still at my mother's?"

Ryan chuckled and Jamie could hear a little embarrassment in her laugh. "I decided to mix it up. I'm at my Aunt Maeve's tonight."

"I'll be home tomorrow night, and we'll be together in our snug little bed."

"That sounds better than you can imagine."

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The next morning Jamie showed up at her father's office not long after eight. When his secretary showed her in, Jim was already busy, talking on the phone and taking copious notes. Jamie picked up the briefing book he'd showed her the day before and started to peruse it. This was a new one, of course, since it was updated every morning. She was only on the tenth page when he hung up the phone.

Hefting the book in her hand, she said, "Do you read this whole thing every day?"

"I try to. I don't always get to everything, but I make sure to read anything that could affect California."

"And you say this job is easier than running the law firm?" Her eyes with wide with amazement.

He grinned. "You didn't realize how hard running that law firm was." He got up and stretched. "This work is more important, of course." He went over and sat by her. "Like this." He thumbed forward a few pages. "We get constant updates about what's going on in the Congo. What we're supposed to do about it is anyone's guess. But having this information at least lets us know how ridiculously complicated the whole situation is."

"Well, you clearly can't have another genocide," Jamie said, her voice rising. "They think close to a million people were killed in Rwanda just a couple of years ago."

"I know. And we should have stepped in. I think most people agree with that now. But we're talking about a centuries old struggle between tribes that switch alliances at a moment's notice. I don't know anything about Tutsi and Hutu factions, but we're supposed to make decisions about humanitarian aid and perhaps even sending troops. People in the DRC aren't sure what kind of help they want-if any." He shook his head gravely. "It's enough to make you lose sleep at night."

"Do you?" she asked gently.

Shyly, he nodded. "Yes, sometimes I do. I think being in the House would be easier. They only have to contend with America. But we have to be internationalists. It's such a complex world, and no matter how big we are, we're just one country."

"It didn't dawn on me how much you had to know about the world."

"And not just to keep the peace. In a couple of weeks I'm going to the Netherlands to investigate the advances they've made in wind power."

"Ooo, Ryan will be jealous. She's a big advocate of wind power. She wants turbines up on Twin Peaks."

Jim smiled. "Everyone in the city wants clean energy, but I can guarantee you that no one wants their view ruined. Luckily, I'm just doing some fact finding, not trying to convince my constituents to lose their postcard-pretty view."

"How does that work? Fact finding, I mean."

He got up and went to the credenza behind his desk, picking up a notebook and bringing it to Jamie. "Here's our itinerary." She started to page through it, amazed at how many places her father was going.

"How long will you be gone?"

"Ten days."

"There must be fifty stops in here. How will you do it?"

He chuckled. "I'm not going alone. I'll have twelve aides and assistants, and congressmen from Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico. There are about fifty of us going."

"Fifty? That's a huge group."

"It's big, but we'll spread out."

"You'll take up a whole plane." She thought for a few seconds. "Who handles your travel?"

"For something like this we use a plane provided by the Air Force. There's a travel office, of course, and they handle most things. My staff arranges for anything I want to see. It takes a lot of prep, that's for sure."

"That's pretty cool." Jamie handed the binder back. "Expensive, but cool. I hope you learn something that helps us out."

"I was down in Texas a couple of weeks ago seeing a wind farm down there." He grinned boyishly. "That was a nice trip. They sent a private jet for me and I stayed at a ranch that must have been as big as Rhode Island."

"Who owned that?"

"One of the principals in the wind farm. It's a big company, a division of Metrocorp."

"And they had you down there just for fun?" Jamie's suspicions were aroused.

"No, of course not. They're lobbying us for a piece of the energy bill. They wanted to show me what they'd do with the money they'll receive if the bill passes."

"And that's legal?"

He looked completely confused. "What?"

"To accept a private jet and a stay at a great place before you vote on whether they get money?"

Blinking a couple of times, he said, "I'm not influenced by things like that. I'm just doing my job."

"What about little companies that want money? What if they can't hire lobbyists?"

"Well, they'd better join a trade association or something to represent them. They'll get lost if they don't."

Testily, Jamie said, "I thought their congressmen were supposed to represent them."

"Uh-huh." He patted her shoulder like he did when she was a child. "There are hundreds of millions of small businesses. Should we go door to door to meet all of them?"

"But you can't be impartial if the rich companies are loading you up with perks."

He waved a hand dismissively. "With the kind of pampered life I led with your mother, I could have had ten times what these Texans showed me. They might be able to buy some votes, but not mine."

Jim's phone rang and he jumped up to answer it. Jamie sat there for a long time, thinking of how she might stop the obvious opportunities for corruption. She had a hard time thinking of a solution.

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When his phone call was over, Jim stood and said, "I've got to go talk to Jason. Be right back. Then we're going to have a treat." He smiled, his eyes lighting up, and she felt a spark of excitement. He didn't herald any old thing, so it had to be good.

He was gone for a few minutes when Kayla strode it, stopping abruptly when she saw Jamie. "Oh, I…sorry. I thought the senator was…I guess he is gone," she finished, blushing.

"Come on in if you have a minute."

Kayla approached tentatively. She leaned on the arm of the sofa and said, "How are you enjoying your trip?"

"I'm having a good time. I wish Ryan had been able to come, but despite missing her, it's been good."

"I hear you're getting married. Congratulations."

Clearing her throat, Jamie said, "We weren't able to pull it all together for August, so we're going to have it next August."

"Oh." Kayla looked surprised. "I didn't know."

"Yeah, it's not what we want, but we want to have a nice party and that takes longer to plan than we thought."

"So I've heard. Some of the weddings my friends have had seemed like coronations for minor potentates." She laughed wryly.

"We're not going crazy like that. We're just having a tough time finding a venue."

"If your father was going to be in office, you could have it here. I wonder if your father has done enough favors for the VP to get you onto the White House lawn." Now her laugh was happier, and she looked more like her own age.

"No thanks. It's hard enough to get Ryan into a restaurant."

Her features softening, Kayla said, "It must be nice to know she loves you for the right reasons."

Knowing just what she meant, Jamie nodded. "I'm a very lucky woman. I never have to question her motives."

"Then you definitely don't want to come to Washington." Once again, a coldness edged her voice.

"How are you liking it here? It's awfully different from home, isn't it?"

Kayla kicked off a shoe and rubbed her instep across her shin. "Yeah. But I've got the bug. I'm going to stay if I can."

"Which bug?" She smiled, finally facing Jamie who saw her vivid green eyes and warm grin. Jamie was struck for a moment by her loveliness.

"I love helping to craft policy. I think that's the only way to make a difference in the world."

"Goodbye to the law firm?"

"God, I hope so," she said, letting out a dramatic breath. "I've burned my bridges…" She trailed off, sneaking a quick look at Jamie before she started again. "Corporate law isn't very rewarding. I want to do something with my life. I'm not sure what cause I'll take up, but I'm going to find one and become an expert it in."

"What are the contenders?"

"Oh, there are quite a few. I want to pick something that I think I can push." She made eye contact again. "Let's say I choose family planning. This isn't the environment for that. I could be spinning my wheels for years. I want something that isn't dead on arrival."

"Very pragmatic."

"You have to be. That much I've learned." She reached down to put her shoe back on, wincing when she did.

"How do you wear those heels all day?"

"You have to." She stood and squared her shoulders. "To succeed in politics you have to look good, but not too good. It's fine if a man thinks you look sexy, but if his wife does, you're toast."

Jamie made a face. "That's probably true everywhere."

"Worse here. The wives are always around. If you're too plain you'll be stuck in a back office, but if you're too sexy, you're fired." She shrugged and then dropped her shoulders. "I can't tell you how many women that's happened to here."

"Maybe that should be your project," Jamie said, smirking.

"I think I'll do something safe like try to rid the world of land-mines or try to get girls educated. Those would be easy compared to battling sexism."

"What's this about sexism?" Jim asked, barreling into the room.

"I was just talking to Jamie about some of the programs I'm interested in working on," Kayla said, heading for the door.

"That would be a good one," Jim said. He stood at his desk, paging through a pile of notes.

Kayla caught Jamie's eye and waved goodbye, stealing out before Jim noticed she was gone.

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Late that night, Jamie lay in Ryan's arms, regaling her with details of the rest of her day. "And then we went to the White House," she said, the excitement still evident in her voice.

"Did you see the president?"

"No. I don't know if he was even in town. It's not like at Windsor Castle where they fly the flag if the Queen's there."

"Did you take a tour or something?"

"Much better than that. The head usher took us on a private tour. The regular tours were done for the day and we got to go to all sorts of places. Not the family quarters, but just about everywhere else. It was so cool!"

"Damn, I should have gone," Ryan said, pouting.

"I know you should have. You would have loved it."

"Yeah, I would have. But I should have gone mostly to make myself do something I'm not comfortable doing. I need the training."

"Next time, baby."

Sighing, Ryan said, "There won't be a next time to see your dad strutting around Washington."

"No, but he'll be strutting around here soon enough. You can catch him then."

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It was a warm, bright summer day in San Francisco, the kind of day that most tourists expect to find on their visit to the city. Sadly, the reality rarely met the expectation. But when the day was in fact summery, it was the natives who basked in the sun. People left work early, took long lunch hours, called in sick, and did whatever they could to enjoy each drop of sunshine.

After spending an hour tutoring Jennie at Catherine's house, they stepped outside and both breathed in the clean, clear air. Jamie said, "Let's walk over to the Marina and hang out for a while. It's too nice a day to be inside."

"I was itching to be outside the whole time Jen and I were going over her algebra," Ryan said. "Don't think I didn't know you were upstairs on that fantastic balcony."

Jamie grinned unrepentantly. "I've got nothing to add to the math discussion, and she doesn't need help with her art class." She patted the small canvas shoulder bag she carried. "I've got a good book with me, so you can plunk me down anywhere and I'm happy."

"You know," Ryan said, "I've gotta admit I'm a little surprised by how much you read. You're really a bookworm."

"Yeah, I am, but it goes in spurts. I didn't get to read much this past year so I'm making up for lost time." She took Ryan's hand and did a stutter step to synch their strides. "I'm surprised by how little you read, but I'm taking my acceptance of that as proof of how much I love you. I could never have imagined partnering with someone who doesn't read for fun, but it's working out pretty darned well."

Ryan turned and grinned at her. "No complaints here."

They walked on, cresting a good-sized hill before the Bay opened up in front of them, making both of them sigh with pleasure. "Could this be any prettier?" Jamie asked rhetorically.

"Why would anyone choose to live anywhere else? When we traveled for Cal, I'd be on the bus looking around and thinking 'How can people live here? No hills, no water, cold weather.' Why bother?"

Jamie smiled at her, thinking that Ryan's list of comparison cities was woefully small, but she decided not to comment on that. "It's crowded enough. If every summer day was like this, we'd have a million more people trying to cram in."

"Too true."

As they went down the hill towards the Marina, Jamie said, "How's the enforced relaxation going? You haven't been complaining."

"How long has it been? A month?"

"Next week will be seven weeks."

"No!"

"Yep."

"Hmm." Ryan's gaze settled on the Bay, its calm blue serenity letting her mind wander to consider the past few weeks. "I'm surprised by how fast it's gone. I thought I'd be hellishly bored."

"How could you be bored? You're up running every morning with Duffy. You swing by and see Caitlin almost every day. Then you drag me over to the apartment building to do something simple that the boys graciously left for me." She squeezed Ryan's hand and chuckled when Ryan tried to look like she didn't know what Jamie was talking about. "Then it's off to my mom's to work with Jennie for an hour or two."

"You forgot our long walks. We've put a lot of miles under our belts."

"I haven't forgotten." She laughed. "Well, I've forgotten all of the early morning walks. You know I don't function until eight a.m."

"You like the evening walks better, don't you."

"Yep. Much, much better. I like to walk in the dark with just you." She leaned heavily against Ryan's side, making her tilt to the left.

"I like that too, but my aunt's in bed by the time you really like to go out."

"True. But I'm in bed when she really wants to go. Why does she win so often?"

It was obvious she was teasing, but Ryan commented anyway. "You know you can sleep in and have me go with you at night."

"I know, but I like to hang out with the group. And I know it's better for me to get up early and get going."

"We like having you."

"Does your aunt know you go running most mornings before we walk?"

"Not sure. I'm not gonna make a point of telling her." She tapped Jamie's head. "Don't go volunteering the info."

"Not a word. I know that's your time to think."

"Yep. Time to clean out the pipes. So, are you happy with your time off?"

"I'm happier than I've ever been in my life," Jamie said, smiling so contentedly that Ryan almost choked up just looking at her. "Lots of time with you, time with my mom, not running from one house to the other, no practices, matches, games, studying. It's sweet!" she exclaimed at high volume.

"Nothing you need to tweak?"

"Not really. Eventually I'd like to make some friends over here, but that's about it."

"Friends?" Ryan asked as though Jamie had said "toasters". "Why do you want friends?"

They were near the wide swath of Marina green and Jamie led the way, stepping around or over dozens of sunbathers-parents with their kids and other assorted humans. She found a decent sized space and plopped down on the ground. When Ryan joined her she said, "You've got more friends than anyone I've ever known. We rarely go out that you don't run into someone who acts like you're their best friend!"

"Yeah. I know a lot of people."

"But you never see them," Jamie said pointedly. "You never call anyone, you never invite anyone over. What's up with that?"

Ryan lay back on the short grass, shifting around until she got comfortable. "Hmm. Why don't I call anyone?"

Her feet were on the ground and she crossed an ankle over a knee then put her hands behind her head. Jamie could see her eyes follow one of the more colorful kites that was skittering across the sky.

"I'm not sure why I don't. I guess I've never had the kind of free time to want to commit to doing something at a certain time." She turned her head and made eye contact. "Know what I mean?"

Jamie lay down perpendicular to Ryan and rested her head on her partner's hip. "I guess I do. You didn't have a minute to yourself last year."

Ryan shifted her hip, making Jamie's head bounce. "I was busier before I met you. I was working twenty hours a week when I was playing a sport at USF."

"Well, you have some free time now. Do you want to reconnect with some of your friends?"

"Mmm." Ryan was speaking slowly, and Jamie could tell this topic wasn't really reaching her. "Maybe."

"Just maybe?"

Threading her fingers through Jamie's hair, Ryan started to give her a light head rub. "I'm not sure my old friends are the right people to hang with."

"Because?"

"Oh, you know…they're kinda…mmm…"

"People to sleep with?" Jamie teased.

"Ha. Funny. No, not really. But they're all pretty specific. I have AIDS Ride friends, I have workout friends, I have friends from USF, obviously I have people I used to sleep with. They're all…you know…specific."

"So you never had any couple friends?"

"Not many. I mean, I do, but no one I've ever done anything with other than the thing I knew them from."

Jamie sat up. "Are you speaking English?"

"Yeah." Ryan smiled at her. "I knew couples from the AIDS Ride, but I never had dinner with them or anything. And I trained some couples, but I didn't hang out with them."

Lying down again, Jamie said, "Then I guess we'll have to make some new ones."

"Do we hafta?"

Sitting up again, Jamie looked at her partner carefully. "Why don't you want to?"

"We've got the lads and your mom. Isn't that enough? Any night you want to go out, someone'll go."

Jamie let the thought of having dinner at a nice restaurant with five or six cousins roll through her head. She couldn't get the image to focus properly, probably because none of the boyos liked anything more formal than tacos. And taking her mother to a lesbian club was just as jarring. "Wouldn't you like to go dancing sometime?"

"Dancing?" Ryan was quiet for a minute. "I was just thinking about dancing with you at the bar in Berkeley. I've had serious foreplay that wasn't that hot." She chuckled, making her belly move up and down. "I'm in. Any time."

"I'd like to go with other people. That's a lot more fun, isn't it?"

Ryan resumed her lazy head rub. "I guess. But I'm really content to just be with you. Dancing, moving against you, feeling how warm your body gets, how you smell." She let out a sigh. "I don't need another soul."

"You're very sweet, but I'd like to hang out with people we're not related to once in a while. Any objections?"

"No. Whatever you want, babe, I'm up for it."

"Hey, how about Sara and Ally?"

It took even longer for Ryan to reply this time, and her response was less than enthusiastic. "Sure. Whatever. Just tell me where to be and I'll be there."

"I'm happy to try to make some friends at church. You're the one who says she wants Sara and Ally in her life."

"I know." Ryan's shoulders rose and fell. "I do."

"You could show a little more enthusiasm, honey."

She smiled wanly. "I'd rather see Sara and Ally than any of the people from our marriage class." Her lip twitched, nearly curling with distain. "They're not my type."

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Jamie decided it was too nice an evening to go home and cook so they walked over to the Greens Restaurant, a landmark vegetarian restaurant in Fort Mason. Ryan had never been there and she didn't want to be indoors, so Jamie went in and got carry-outs. They sat on a nearby bench to watch the water while they ate.

Ryan poked around in the big bag, looking suspicious. "I can't tell what anything is. What should I eat first?"

"Whatever you want. It's all locally grown vegetables. Good for you."

Taking out the cartons, Ryan opened each and set it between them. "Just vegetables, huh?"

Smiling at her reticence, Jamie said, "Yep. I'll go get more if you're still hungry."

"No, this should be enough," Ryan said as she looked carefully at the four and a half pounds of local bounty. "We can get ice cream on the way home."

Jamie smirked at the serious look on Ryan's face, then started to eat a tart beet salad. "Mmm, yummy. Try this." She loaded the fork and held it in front of Ryan's mouth.

"Good." She chewed thoughtfully. "Really good. Goat cheese?"

"Yeah. Goat cheese, orange segments, onion, chives. Tasty."

Ryan took a bite of a crisp pizza with tomatoes and roasted potatoes, nodding her head as her eyes closed. "Terrific. You have superb ideas."

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The next afternoon, while Ryan and Jennie were belaboring a math problem, Jamie and her mother were sitting on the balcony. They were both wrapped in blankets and the heat lamps were blazing. "Nice day," Jamie said, trying to stop her teeth from chattering. "I think I prefer yesterday."

"Wait until October. We'll have many days like that."

"True. Sometimes I miss the South Bay. How about you?"

"Not too often. After three or four days of fog, I sometimes go down to Hillsborough just to warm up, but I like the city much more than I expected to."

"I'm glad you're here. And I'm especially glad that we're able to see each other so often."

"How was your visit with your father? You didn't have much to say when you got home."

"It was good. I wish Ryan had gone with me, but I can't let her stop me."

"Does she try?"

"No, not really. But I can't give in to those big blue eyes that stare at me while she pouts."

"What's the issue? Does she want you to stay home?"

"Yeah, that's about it. For some reason, she hates to travel for fun, but she didn't ever complain about taking a bus across Oregon to play softball. She's an eternal conundrum."

"Does she actually refuse to go? That doesn't sound like her."

"No, she's not the type to refuse. She puts me off. She said she'd go later in the year, after she has time to plan."

"Plan?" Catherine blinked. "Plan what?"

"Nothing!" Jamie's frustration showed clearly. "She doesn't want to go and she thinks I'll give up asking if she delays long enough. So I'm going to make my plans and let her decide whether or not to come. By the way, if you go to Rhode Island in August, I'll go with you. Ryan won't like it, but I can't be a homebody like she is."

Looking slightly worried, Catherine said, "I can't see you staying in one place for long, but I also can't see Ryan traveling as often as you'd like."

"She doesn't need to go as often as I'd like. I've been nowhere…absolutely nowhere since we've been together. Going on two or three trips a year isn't asking for too much in my opinion. I'll give up the ten trips that I'd like to take. She only has to go on two or three she doesn't want to make. That's fair," she said with certainty. "We've both got to give."

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Early the next morning, Ryan slipped out of bed and went into the bath, spending a few quick minutes washing her face and putting her hair into a braid. She quietly found some roomy jeans, then added a snug tank top, a t-shirt and a flannel shirt. She was sitting on her loveseat, lacing up her work boots, when she noticed Jamie get up and shuffle into the bath. The door closed quietly, making Ryan smile at her partner's unchanging need for privacy.

A minute later the toilet flushed and the door opened again. "Morning," Jamie said, her bare feet scarcely leaving the floor, her eyes open only a slit as she approached Ryan and plopped onto her lap.

Ryan wrapped her arms around her lover and cuddled her tightly, wedging her face into the space between Jamie's torso and her legs. "I love you," she said, her voice muffled by Jamie's body.

"Are you excited about helping Conor out today?"

"Yeah. I haven't done it in over two years, and he said he could really use some help with demolition today. I like lending him a hand when I have the time."

"You don't mind if I don't help, do you? I feel a little guilty, doing nothing while you work."

"No, of course not. It's gonna be messy and dirty, and really hard work. Feel free to come bring me lunch if you're out and about, but don't make a special trip."

"Every time I see you, it's special." Jamie kissed her cheek and squirmed out of her hold, heading back to bed. Ryan patted her butt as she departed, and Jamie shook it playfully.

"See you later, sweet cheeks."

A quick wave was the best Jamie could manage, and by the time Ryan reached the landing, she could hear Jamie's breathing signal that sleep was far from elusive this morning.

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Conor was working on a rundown Victorian that was being renovated in the Castro, just a few blocks from the O'Flaherty home. A gay couple had bought the building, and had decided to convert it back into a single-family home from its current incarnation as a three-flat apartment building. One of the new owners was an architect, and he had planned some very ambitious projects for the renovation. Conor had been talking about building often, making Ryan more interested than usual in helping out.

Conor was already gone by the time Ryan got upstairs, but he had left a note asking her to stop and buy breakfast. She rolled her eyes, knowing the lowest ranking person always got to do the scut work. She paged him and he called back almost immediately.

"What's the order?" she asked over the sounds of hammering.

"Hold on." He held the phone to his chest and asked his crew for their orders, coming back on to say, "How much money do you have on you?"

"I can get as much as I need; there's an ATM on every corner. Hit me."

"Okay, we want six breakfast burritos, three orders of menudo, two orders of huevos rancheros, two chicken tortas, and as many horchatas as you can carry."

"How many guys do you have there today, twenty?"

"Guys? What guys?" he teased.

"I'll be there in about a half hour. Do you need anything else?"

"Nope. Just you," he said brightly. "And the food, of course."

She decided to go to the Mission District to El Farrolito, one of her favorite spots. Assuming that the other carpenters and laborers ate as much as Conor, she did a little math and guessed that there were five or six guys on the site. She figured the menudo would not be a complete entrée, so that left ten main dishes. Doing workman's math, she assumed each man would want two entrees, meaning there were 5 guys. She ordered seven Horchatas, just in case, and a few minutes later she started carting the stuff out to the BMW in the boxes the restaurant provided.

When she pulled up in front of the house, she heard a call go out all over the building. Within seconds every sound stopped as the workers started coming out to help her carry the food.

Conor came out rubbing his hands with a big smile on his face. "Nothing I like better than a breakfast burrito," he said with delight. "I was running late today and I didn't get much to eat, so you're a lifesaver. What did this all cost you?"

She fished in her jeans for the receipt. "$78.50. Not my treat."

"I'll collect for you. I'll hit everybody for $15 and that will almost pay for yours."

"Thanks, bro," she said, glad that he was one person in her life that she didn't have to do math for. "What's up for today?" She took a big bite of her egg and chorizo burrito.

"Big stuff," he said around a mouthful of his own breakfast. "We're ripping out two staircases and starting to frame in the new staircase that will replace them."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Do you feel destructive or creative?"

"I guess I feel like destroying today."

"Did you bring your safety glasses?"

"Yep. And I brought earplugs and my work gloves. I'm all set."

"Okay. Carlos is in charge of taking the back staircase apart. I'll ask him to get you started when you've finished eating."

"Cool. So tell me about this house. It looks like crap," she joked.

"Yeah, it is crap. But it'll be fantastic when we're done. The guys are cool. A couple of gay guys. One of them's an architect and he's remarkably easy to work with."

"Architects aren't usually your best friends."

"Right-o. But when the architect is his own general contractor and actually has to pay the bills, that seems to make them more realistic."

He hitched one dark eyebrow up and down, making Ryan smile. "What's the other guy do?"

"Designer. One of those guys the old ladies in town take to social events."

Tactfully, she didn't mention that was the role he had been filling for Catherine recently.

"I'd damned glad these guys aren't a pain in the butt. It's bad enough working two jobs. It'd kill me if I was working for jerks."

She slapped her hand onto his thigh, always a little amazed at how muscular his leg was. "I can help you out any time you need it. I've got more free time now than I've had since I was out of diapers."

He looked thoughtful, then said, "It's probably best to have you helping at the apartment building. The OFC is suffering."

"OFC?"

"Frank's creation. O'Flaherty Cousins. I like it."

She nodded. "Me too. I guess the Driscoll brothers and Jamie lose out to the masses."

* * *

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She spent the next three hours ripping treads and headers and stringers apart with a claw hammer and a cat's paw. As Conor had mentioned when he proposed the task, he was going to reuse as much of the wood as he could, meaning she had to be careful to preserve the materials while destroying the integrity of the construction. The work was very dirty since the staircase had to be at least seventy years old, and she felt as though seventy years of dirt was stuck to her sweaty body by the time Conor came to get her for lunch. "Roach coach is here. Are you hungry?" he joked, knowing that she was always as hungry as he was.

"I would eat anything that would stop moving long enough, but I think Jamie's gonna come by and bring me something. I sure hope she hurries. I've never been so hungry."

She went back to work, unable to stand to watch the others eat when she was so famished. She checked her watch again and again, angry with herself for not telling her partner that work crews always liked to eat early.

Right at noon Jamie approached the house, and tried to decide if the outside stairs were safe to climb. They were wooden and had lost most of their paint years before. Avoiding the trash that had accumulated during the day, she stepped inside and walked around until she found her lover, or at least a reasonable facsimile. This model came in a tan color that really didn't suit her, and Jamie hoped that the poor woman could get a ride home in Conor's truck. Love had its limits.

To Ryan's glee, Jamie had made a trip to Hot 'n Hunky Hamburgers, and had procured a double chili cheeseburger, chili fries, and a chocolate malt.

"Wash you hands and we can go outside and eat."

"No water," Ryan said, shaking her head. "Portapotties are outside, but the sinks in them haven't been filled recently."

Jamie stood and stared, her face an attractive combination of flustered and perturbed. When Ryan saw that expression she usually stood back and let Jamie work some magic, but today she was too hungry to relinquish control of the situation. "I've got an idea," she said, leading the way outdoors.

Conor and another man approached a few minutes later, both laughing at the sight of the neat, clean blonde woman dangling chili-coated French fries into her grimy partner's mouth.

"Hey, guys," Conor said, "This is Andrew Harris, one of the owners of the house. Andrew, I'd like you to meet my sister, Ryan and her partner, Jamie Evans. Ryan's helping us out today, and, as you can see-Jamie's helping Ryan."

Ryan brushed the dirt off her hand as best she could before she extended it. "Glad to meet you, Andrew. Conor's been raving about the place so much I wanted to see it for myself."

"I haven't seen much," Jamie said, "but I'd love a quick tour if you two have the time."

"I'm glad you could both come," he said with a friendly smile. "I'd love to take you on a tour. Any chance to show off my baby. Are you interested in Victorians?"

"Yes, I always have been," Ryan said. "And since Conor's been working on them, my interest has grown. It's always been my dream to get a place in Noe Valley and renovate it."

"That's a tough dream to realize now," Andrew said, referring to the skyrocketing housing market.

"Not for them," Conor advised. "Jamie's loaded."

Ryan punched him in the arm as she smiled over at Andrew. "He's so discreet."

"For over a year, Rick and I looked at every property in the city. I'm not sure why, but recently there have been a lot more units coming on the market. I'd suggest that you start looking soon if you want to have a place to live within two years. If you want to renovate, it'll take at least a year to get it where you want it, and it might take a year to find what you want."

"I suppose that's true," Jamie mused. "Maybe we should get started. Did you work with someone that you would recommend?"

"Yeah. Our real estate agent was a dream to work with. I've got his card in my portfolio. Let me get it for you."

While they waited, Conor shot his sister a glance and said, "I didn't know you were interested in renovating."

She nodded. "We've been talking about it more and more lately. I mean, we've always known that we wanted to come back to Noe after we graduated, and since we both love old homes, it just seems like it would be a cool thing to do."

"I'd love to have you guys over here. Maybe we could find you a big old Victorian. This one will have over 3000 square feet when we're done. That's just big enough for you two and a few rug rats."

"Seems awfully big," Ryan said, looking up at the three story structure.

Conor and Jamie's eyes met and they shared a smile behind Ryan's oblivious back.

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"Hey, Pig Pen," Conor teased three hours later as he tried to see his sister's eyes.

Ryan had tied a bandana around her nose and mouth to block the waves of dust rolling into her face, and her safety glasses were dusty and foggy with condensation from her efforts. "Yes?" she answered pleasantly.

"I just got a page from home. I assume it's Jamie."

"Thanks." She found her supervisor for the day. "I'll be back in a few, Carlos," she called out as she jogged from the building. She stood outside of Conor's truck for a moment, peeling off her flannel shirt and using it to beat the dust from her jeans as best she could. Removing her baseball cap, she bent from the waist and ruffled her fingers through her hair to remove as much foreign matter as possible. Then she took off her glasses, earplugs, and bandana, hopped in and dialed as she rolled down the windows to let in the cool afternoon breeze.

"Hi, I just wanted to see if you need an afternoon snack."

"Aww, you're the best, Jamers. I'd take you up on it, but we're about a half hour from finished."

"So soon?"

"You've obviously never taken a staircase down. I feel like it's Friday."

"Poor thing. I'll walk down there and we can go home in the BMW." there was a pause before she said, "I'll bring a sheet to cover the seat."

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"So what did you think?" Jamie asked as she got her partner arranged on the sheet. "Do you want to forget about grad school and work construction?"

"To tell you the truth, I really could do this full time," Ryan said reflectively. "It's kind of like a sport. You're all on the same team, you've got a common goal, and it's easy to define your progress. I like it a lot."

"Well, I don't know anyone who would look better in a flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off so I could see those biceps, and faded jeans with those big steel-toed boots. And you know my motto, 'As long as I like the outfit, you can do it'."

Ryan laughed at her requirements. "I think I'll stick with the academic track. Even though construction is fun, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I'm gonna go home and soak in the tub until I prune."

"Maybe your spouse could be persuaded to give you a nice massage."

"Mmm…it feels good just to think about it," she sighed, sinking into the leather surface while she dreamt of Jamie's soft hands roaming over her body.

"Don't forget, we agreed to go out to dinner with my mom tonight," Jamie reminded her.

Ryan groaned pathetically. "You might have to cut my meat, but I'll go."

Jamie thought her grumbled comment was "The things we do for love" but she thought it wise not to press Ryan at that moment.

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They met Catherine at a place on Market, not too far from each of their homes. Ryan was fixated on using as little non-renewable energy as possible these days, so she convinced Jamie to

walk. It was about a mile away, not far at all when one wore the proper shoes. As they walked, Jamie grumbled about just that.

"I don't know why someone can't design a shoe that's attractive and comfortable." She stuck her foot out in front of herself and looked at it critically. "I hate these shoes. They only look good with slacks, and I prefer to wear a dress when I go to a nice restaurant. Slacks are just too casual." Looking at Ryan's black slacks, Jamie made a face. "Except on you, of course."

"Right," Ryan said, smirking. "Well, I think you look nice, but I guess I'd agree that you look better in a dress."

"You can do more with a dress. Shoes, jewelry, purses, scarves-lots of ways to change the look."

Ryan squeezed her hand, smiling warmly. "I never thought I'd partner with such a girly-girl, but I like it."

"Might as well, you're stuck with me." Jamie waved her engagement ring under Ryan's nose, smiling when Ryan acted like the stones had temporarily blinded her.

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Jamie regaled her mother with a fanciful tale of Ryan's disheveled state at lunch. "No, really, Mom," she said, putting her hand over Ryan's mouth. "She wanted to eat a chili burger with hands so filthy that her fingerprints were obscured."

Ryan pulled her hand away. "I had on gloves for the first hour or two, but they were too unwieldy. I should have had deerskin or something more flexible."

"Do you enjoy that kind of work?" Catherine asked.

"I do. I talked to Conor a little today and he agreed that I could be partially happy doing renovation work."

"Partially?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah." Ryan ducked her head, looking embarrassed. "I've never found anything that I think could satisfy me full time. I have a short attention span."

Jamie put her arm around her and squeezed gently. "She's too modest to say her brain's too big to light on one thing. She needs something to engage all of the parts of her personality, and she's having a heck of a time finding that elusive career path."

"You'll get there," Catherine said, patting her hand. "I know you won't give up until you find something or several somethings that fulfill you."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"You'll get there," Jamie echoed, "But we can put your idle hands to good use. We've been talking about it and I think we're finally able to start seriously looking for our own house. What do you think, Mom? Do you want to help us look?"

"Absolutely. I'm in a house hunting mood right now, as a matter of fact."

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "You just bought your house. Are you looking for another?"

"Not here," Catherine said, her smile dimming as she shot a quick look in Jamie's direction. "I might look in New York."

"New York?" Jamie asked, brow furrowed.

"Yes. I think I'll sell my Milan apartment and find one in New York. I've seen all that Milan has to offer."

"What about…" Jamie trailed off, knowing she didn't have to mention Giacomo's name.

"New York is roughly equidistant between San Francisco and Milan. I'd like to spend more time in the galleries there, and Giacomo would be a fabulous tour guide. He travels there four or five times a year for business, and I think it would work out better for me than going to Milan."

"Interesting," Jamie said, sipping from her water glass, thoughts of her own house hunting forgotten..

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The next day Ryan rapped on the door of Catherine's house and tried the knob. It was open, and she stepped inside, calling out, "Anybody home?"

"I'm here," Jennie replied from the dining room.

Ryan sauntered in, stopping in her tracks when Jen looked up at her. "What happened to you?"

Jennie's lower lip was red and swelled out half an inch. "Nothin' much." She held up a test, showing that she'd received a B+. "Good news!" she said, her smile making her mouth look worse.

"Yeah, that's really good news." Ryan walked up behind her and took the test in her hand, reading over Jen's answers. She put it down and squatted until their heads were on the same level. "What happened to your mouth?"

"Nothin'. You know how it is. You're just messing around and you catch an elbow or something. I bet you've gotten hit in the mouth a bunch of times."

Carefully, Ryan tugged on the edge of Jennie's lip, pulling it down. "Did it bleed a lot?"

Eyes wide, Jennie nodded. "A ton. Sandy put some ice in a washcloth and held it on there for a long time. It finally stopped bleeding, so we didn't have to go to the ER."

"So you were home when you were messing around?"

"Uhm…yeah. I was home."

"In the house?"

"No. Outside." She scuffed her chair back and got up. "I'm gonna get some more milk. You want some?"

"Sure."

Ryan sat down in the chair next to Jennie's and waited patiently. The girl returned in a couple of minutes and said, "I have no idea what happened in class today." She pointed at the title to a new chapter in her math book. "Can you explain this stuff in English?"

Ryan spent a moment looking at the chapter, then said casually, "Sure. What happened with your lip?"

"I told you," Jennie said dramatically. "It's nothing."

"I believe you. I just want to know what happened." She bumped her shoulder against Jennie. "I'm really nosy."

"You are," Jennie agreed, reluctantly smiling. "Fine." She took a breath. "I was outside just listening to my music when this other girl tried to take my player. She just wanted to look at it I guess, but I didn't want her to. I grabbed it back and we started to wrestle for it. My mouth must have hit her shoulder or something. It like gushed blood, and got all over her. Ha-ha," she added, with no sympathy.

"Huh. Who was the girl? Anybody I know?"

Jennie looked down, and clearly made an effort to sound casual. "Yeah. That Pebbles idiot. She's such a jerk."

"Mmm." Ryan touched her lip again, flipping it against her teeth. "Hit her shoulder, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Look me in the eye," Ryan said.

Jennie slowly complied. She gazed into Ryan's eyes for a few moments, and it was clear it made her uncomfortable.

"Tell me again how it happened."

Jennie gave her a murderous look and slumped down into her chair. "I was outside, sitting on the porch." What Jennie referred to as a porch was really just a poured concrete slab with one step down to the scraggly back yard.

"Yeah."

"That asshole came up from behind. I didn't hear her 'cause I had earphones on."

"Got it."

"She flopped down behind me, put her big, stupid head on my shoulder, and grabbed my boobs."

"Oh shit," Ryan muttered.

"I shot my elbow into her gut and she punched me in the mouth. I did bleed all over her," she added proudly.

Ryan put an arm around Jennie's narrow shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. Jennie soaked up the affection, but she seemed remarkably composed.

"I'm really sorry, Jen. I wish…I wish you didn't have to put up with this kind of stuff."

"S'okay." She sat up and started thumbing through her book. Her voice was resigned when she said, "I'm used to it."

"Why make up a lie about it?"

"'Cause she's on thin ice. If Sandy reported that she grabbed me, they'd send her to the Youth Authority."

"Maybe that's where she belongs."

Jennie met Ryan's eyes and stared at her hotly. "Nobody belongs there. It's like a pound where you put dogs before you kill them."

That brought Ryan up short. She dropped her head into her hands and tried to think of something, anything to make Jennie feel safe. But she didn't have a thing to offer. Finally she said, "Do you want me to get involved?"

"No. I really don't. You can't fix this." She pushed her book at Ryan. "Just tell me what this stuff says, okay?"

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Jennie's driver arrived at five to pick her up. Catherine had been out, and she drove down the street just as Ryan was starting to walk home. "Hi there," Catherine said. "Want a ride?"

Ryan approached the car and leaned into the open window. "Think Marta would like to cook for us tonight?"

Looking surprised, Catherine said, "She'd love to. Just you and me, or Jamie, too?"

Making a face, Ryan said, "It's hard to get rid of her. She'll probably find me. We may as well go pick her up."

"Get in, you tease."

Ryan opened the door and hopped in. "Did you have a nice day?" Catherine was dressed very casually: pale blue cotton slacks, and a white shirt, with a blue and white striped sweater draped over her shoulders.

"Very nice. I went down to Hillsborough to work on my garden."

Her clothes were pristine, not a hair out of place, and her manicure was flawless. Ryan didn't ask what kind of gardening left one looking so good, mainly because she was fairly certain Catherine always looked wonderful. "Did you get a lot done?"

"I'd say so. My dahlias are about spent, so I had some fall bulbs planted in their place. Then I had a few rose buses transplanted. I have to watch one section of the garden carefully or the roses can get mildewed."

"Ah, so your gardener was there today?"

Catherine paused a second, then said, "He's there every day, dear. Monday through Friday, that is. He has his own home." She laughed a little at that.

"I guess you can keep a guy busy."

"My parents had two full-time gardeners. The had a little less land than I have, but a much bigger garden. My father had a greenhouse just for his orchids."

She sighed heavily, and Ryan could almost see her reminiscing about her family home. "It's too bad Jamie doesn't remember your dad much."

"And my mother not at all." She pulled up in front of the O'Flaherty house. "Should I park?"

"No. Jamie's always ready to go." She winked at Catherine. "Just like her mom."

As predicted, Jamie walked down the stairs with Ryan just a few minutes later. She scooted into the back seat of the coupe, kissing Catherine on the cheek as she did. "Ryan thinks this counts as taking me out to dinner, and I think you should dissuade her of that notion."

"Ryan," Catherine said in a stern voice, "take you poor fiancée out once in a while."

"That's exactly how often I take her out," Ryan said, grinning unrepentantly. "And since we're not getting married for at least a year, I can treat her badly for tell or eleven months and still pull it off."

"Incorrigible," Catherine teased.

"Jamie claims to like my incorrigi…" she trailed off. "Is there a word for that?"

"Do you mean a noun form?" Jamie asked.

Ryan waved a hand. "Never mind. If you two want to go out, I'm game."

Catherine said, "I couldn't go out looking like this!"

Ryan looked down at her own jeans and golf shirt, then took a quick glance into the back seat, noting Jamie's pressed chinos, green print blouse, and braided leather belt which perfectly matched brown tassel loafers. "My bad," she said. "I've got a reputation in this town and I can't be seen out with you two looking like yesterday's rubbish."

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They went in and all gathered in the kitchen around Marta, who was very pleased to have a couple of hearty eaters present. They went through her provisions and settled on the menu, then they went up to the balcony to have a drink. Catherine convinced Ryan to try a Campari and soda, and after a couple of tiny sips she looked up and smiled. "It's odd, but good. Bitter and refreshing."

"Precisely. I love it as an aperitif."

Ryan raised the tall glass. "Whatever," she agreed, taking another sip.

"You're in a playful mood," Jamie said.

"I know. I shouldn't be, but I kind of am."

"Why shouldn't you be, dear?" Catherine asked.

"It's Jen." Ryan took another sip and spent a moment thinking of how to explain what had happened. "She and her nemesis got into a scrap."

Catherine gasped, putting her hand over her mouth.

"I wish that's all it was. Pebbles grabbed Jennie's breasts and so Jen hit her. Pebbles hit her in the mouth, giving her a fat lip."

"I won't stand for her being there another minute!" Catherine said, getting up from her chair.

Ryan tugged on her pants leg. "What are you going to do with her?"

"I'll figure that out after I get her away from that girl!"

"It's not that easy, Mom," Jamie said, looking a little ill. "We can't just take her away; she's a ward of the state."

Catherine sank into her chair. Clearly upset, she looked from Jamie to Ryan. "We've got to do something. We've got to!"

"It's complicated by the fact that Jen didn't tell Sandy what really happened. She said they just had a fight. So Sandy's got both of them grounded for two weeks. Jen can't stay out past six."

"Why would she lie like that?" Jamie asked.

"Because Jennie's a nice person. Pebbles will get sent back to Youth Authority if she's acting out sexually with the other girls. They have a zero tolerance policy for that."

"She should have thought of that before she touched Jennie."

"I agree," Ryan said, "but I'm not sure Pebbles is all there, if you know what I mean. At best, she seems slow. She's one of those kids who don't know how to interact with other people. She has no friends, and her mother doesn't want her back. She'll be very lucky to graduate from high

school, if you ask me."

"Still…" Catherine said. "That's no excuse."

"No, but I hate to be the one to send her back to be warehoused. The last time I talked to Sandy about Jen not liking Pebbles, Sandy said Pebbles was one of the saddest cases she's worked with. Sandy had the impression Pebble's mother used her gayness as an excuse to get rid of her. She doesn't even call her."

"But is it safe to have her around other girls if she can't control herself? Maybe she needs more supervision."

Ryan shrugged, looking helpless. "How do you know? The Youth Authority has a bunch of girls who they can't place. Pebbles seems fairly harmless."

Catherine's eyebrows shot up.

"She doesn't threaten Jen with a weapon," Ryan said, "and she only hit her when provoked. There are girls at Youth Authority who'd set you on fire for looking at them the wrong way."

Her whole body shivered as Catherine took a deep breath. "I feel sorry for Pebbles, I feel sorry for all of the children in that system, but Jennie's not ruined-yet! We can't let her get so traumatized that we lose her."

"I know, I know." Ryan sat back and took another drink. "I agree we have to do something. I wonder if Sandy would allow us to pay for Pebbles to see a good psychiatrist."

"I'm happy to do that," Catherine said. "I'll pay to send her anyplace that can help her." She leaned forward again. "But I won't have her frightening or hurting Jennie. We can't save everyone, but we have a chance with Jennie and I won't stand by and see that chance slip away."

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After dinner, Ryan and Jamie decided to walk home, even though Catherine tried to talk them into accepting a ride. They were barely out the front door when Ryan said, "I've never seen your mom so determined. I'm proud of her."

"Yeah." Jamie smiled up at her partner. "I am too. Now we just have to decide what we can do."

"I'll see how I can finesse Sandy. I guess I'll tell her that I'm worried about Jennie fighting and ask if there's a way to make sure that she and Pebbles are separated all of the time."

"That's a sucky solution."

"I know, but it's all I've got for the moment." they walked the rest of the way in silence, each thinking of ideas only to quickly shoot them down.

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The next day, Sandy was welcoming a new girl to the group home and she told Ryan that she could not make time to speak to her before five o'clock. It took a good amount of negotiation, but Jamie was finally able to talk her mother out of accompanying them. She had to resort to trickery, convincing Catherine that it was best for her to be home when Jennie came by after summer school. They decided the best idea was for Catherine to wait until Jennie was finished with her homework and then drive her back to Oakland. That way, Catherine could call Jamie to make sure she and Ryan were no longer at the group home; they all agreed it would be best if Jennie didn't know about the impending visit before it happened. Jennie worried about the repercussions of Ryan inserting herself into the situation, but this time it was a must.

Since they had the larger part of their day free, Jamie and Ryan decided to go over to Berkeley and go sailing. The day wasn't as beautiful as either of them would have liked, but it was still brisk and breezy, a perfect day for Jamie to impart some of her sailing knowledge to her partner. Ryan was, as expected, a good student, very eager to learn the arcane, fanciful names for everything connected to the pastime. They were out for a solid five hours, and as they left the Marina, Ryan said, "Why does sailing make me so tired?"

"I'm not sure, but it makes me tired too. But all we've got time to do is run by the house and check our mail, then go over to Oakland."

They were met at the Berkeley house by their entire staff. Ramundo and Esteban, the gardeners, were working diligently, with Maria Los and Zaragoza, the car washer, helping out. It was actually quite comical, watching four people working on a lawn the size of a postage stamp, but Ryan didn't see the humor in it. Once they were inside the house, she said, "We're paying that woman to come here three times a week and dust." She bent down and ran her hand along the wooden floor. Looking at it carefully, Ryan said, "There's not a speck of dirt. I think she washes the floors three times a week. She's gonna wash the varnish off! And the windows are so clean, I'm surprised we don't have birds flying into them."

"I'd be happy to have her come to San Francisco. Kevin's and Conor's rooms could really use a good cleaning and I'm not going to do it," Jamie said. "She'' probably get lost, but over time she'd figure out how to get there. She's quite resourceful."

"Nah. I don't think they'd like it, and I don't really like Maria Los in the house when I'm home. It reminds me of how lazy I am." She gave Jamie an unenthusiastic smile. "It just seems silly to have her wasting her time."

"Okay." Jamie sat on the edge of the big table by the front stairs. "Suggest an alternative."

"There's the obvious one."

"Nope. I'm not going to fire her. It's not her fault we're staying in San Francisco more than here."

"How about just laying her off? We can bring her back if we come back here full time."

Jamie looked at Ryan curiously. "What does she do for money when she's laid off? For someone who's always had to work, you sure don't have much empathy for a woman who has to support herself in a new country."

Clearly affronted, Ryan sputtered, "I have plenty of empathy. Nobody ever gave me a cushy job so I could go to school. She could get another job cleaning for somebody else. That's what I do if I were her."

"Well, you're not her, and I'm not going to break my promise to her. She wants to work, Ryan, why else would she be outside on her hands and knees deadheading the flowers? She could easily sit on her butt inside. We would never have known the difference."

Looking chagrined, Ryan said, "I'm never going to like having someone clean my house. It makes me feel like I'm using her."

"She's using us to get money to eat and have a place to live. Think of it like that." She leaned forward and grasped Ryan by the waist, pulling her close. "I know this isn't your thing, but I'm going to keep them all busy-one way or another."

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When they got to the group home, it was clear Sandy had had a trying day. She didn't look the least bit happy to see them. Sighing, Sandy said, "Let's go out in the backyard to talk."

They went out the back door and crossed the pathetic yard to sit on a poorly maintained picnic table under an orange tree badly in need of pruning and watering. In her usual no-nonsense way, Sandy slapped her hands on the table top and said, "What do you need?"

Ryan jumped right in. "I'm worried about the fight that Pebbles and Jennie had. It doesn't seem like it was very serious, but Jennie's got a real temper and I hate to see her get in more serious trouble because of it."

"They're both grounded for two weeks, Ryan. I'm not gonna change that."

"I don't want you to; that's not why we came. I want to know if you can think of anything that would make sure they keep their distance."

"Look," she said, tiredly, "Jennie is the one with the temper. Pebbles is just… She comes on too strong and kids hate that. You can tell from a mile away that she's desperate to be their friend. Once someone gives off that vibe, the only people who want to be close to them are the

ones who want to exploit them."

"Yeah," Ryan said, nodding. "I'm sure that's true."

"I know Jennie dislikes Pebbles, but I think you could help her out by making her see that Pebbles just needs some understanding." She put her fists to her eyes and rubbed them. "It pisses me off that every one of these kids has been where Pebbles is right now, and still none of them will give her a break."

Ryan made eye contact with Jamie then turned back to Sandy. "What's Pebbles home situation?"

"The father is in and out. There are half siblings from each parent in the house. The mom has an on and off drug problem. Two of the younger kids are already in the system. Pretty common story."

"And nobody from her family visits her or talks to her?"

"Her grandmother on her father's side acts like she cares a little bit. She's from somewhere else…New Guinea?" She puzzled over whether that was the right place. "Samoa?"

"Does the grandmother speak English?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah. I got the feeling she might take Pebbles if she had any money. She seemed worried about her, and she was affectionate-something I don't see a lot of."

"Does she live around here?"

"Yeah. I don't remember exactly where, but she came to visit once and Pebbles said it took her most of the day on the bus to get here." Sandy laughed wryly. "Given how screwed up the bus system is, she might be as close as San Leandro."

They sat in silence for a couple of moments, then Jamie said, "Do the girls clean the house?"

"Yeah.Why?" there was an edge to Sandy's voice.

"The young woman who cleans our house has some free time. If you need help, I could pay to have her do some of the things you don't have time for."

"No thanks. I think the house is plenty clean enough. Besides, the girls need to do jobs to give them some responsibility." She looked around at the desolate landscape. "Have you got a gardener?"

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They went back in through the house and Jamie got to meet Pebbles, who was sitting in the living room watching TV. She was a very big girl: tall, stocky, and overweight. She was probably mixed race, but it wasn't obvious what the mix was. Her hair was kinky, and just long enough to not be able to style it. She had the kind of vacant expression that led others to believe there was not a lot going on inside her head.

When they got outside, Jamie said, "Well, I've got another job for the gardeners, but nothing for Maria Los. Maybe I'll just have her tag along with them."

"Yeah," Ryan said, giving her a smirk. "I've been worried sick about those gardeners."

"We can't save the world, honey. All we can do is take a little bite whenever we can."

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They decided to go back to Berkeley and leave Jamie's car there so Zaragoza had something to do. They were sitting around waiting for Catherine when Ryan said, "What's the name of the church on the next corner?"

"I think it's the First Presbyterian. Why?"

"I'm gonna call over there and ask them if they have cars that need washing or houses that need cleaning. If Maria Los wanted to be a gardener, she probably would have been one by now."

Jamie smiled as her partner went upstairs to make the call. She knew Ryan would be thinking about how to utilize all of their resources to their maximum, and she was pleased that she could count on her to take care of them.

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Catherine arrived by 6:30 and she was noticeably distressed. "That poor little girl," she said, dropping inelegantly into a chair. "Her lip was swollen and she just didn't act like herself. We had a long talk on the way over here and even though she denied it, I got the impression that she's afraid of Pebbles."

Ryan was leaning up against the table in the hallway, her arms crossed over her chest. "I think Jennie can take care of herself in most situations, but I know she's worried. I think she's afraid that Pebbles will do something again and she'll go nuclear on her and wind up in jail."

"What are we going to do?" Catherine asked.

"We got a shred of good news," Jamie said. "Sandy says that Pebbles has a grandmother who lives somewhere in the area. Maybe we could find some way to have her get custody. Pebbles is almost sixteen. If we could support her until she's out of high school, we could get her out of the group home and keep her out of the Youth Authority."

"She and her grandmother can move into my house in Hillsborough," Catherine said decisively. "I'd gladly send her to Jamie's prep school."

Jamie spent a millisecond trying to see Pebbles fitting into the elite prep school, where Jamie herself had been far from the wealthiest student. "I think Pebbles would be better off staying in Oakland. She apparently doesn't have any friends, but she could probably use some stability."

"I'm going to try to get hold of her grandmother and see if we can work something out," Ryan said. To Jamie, she said, "Would you ask your therapist if there's anything that can be done for a kid who's socially maladjusted? Pebbles needs someone who cares about her, someone who can give her some clues about how to behave. I'd do it, but-"

"No way," Jamie said, her tone leaving no question about her seriousness. "You've got all you can handle."

Smiling, Ryan said, "That was going to be the end of my sentence. Thanks for saving me the breath."

"You have to admit you have a bad track record," Catherine teased.

Ryan nodded, a half grin on her face. "I have so much free time this summer, I feel like I could take on ten or fifteen new projects. But if I go to graduate school next year, I'll be swamped again. And I'm pretty confident that helping poor Pebbles would be a full-time job." She shook her head. "The first thing I'd do is ask her if she wanted to change her name. When you look like her, and your name is Pebbles, you're begging for trouble."

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The next afternoon, Ryan and Jamie went over to Catherine's to talk to Jennie. When the pair walked in the front door and said hello, Jennie looked at them suspiciously and a little nervously. "Why are both of you guys here? Is this about something Sandy told you yesterday?"

Jamie walked over to her and rubbed her hand across Jamie's pale hair. "It's nice to see you, too."

"You know what I mean."

"Well, we did want to talk to you about something. Is my mom home?"

Now looking terrified, Jennie said, "You need your mom, too? What did I do?"

Ryan put a hand on her shoulder and rocked her back and forth in her seat a little bit. "Nothing. That we know of." She leaned over and kissed Jamie's head. "We just want to talk about your living situation."

Jennie sank down into her chair. "It sucks."

"We know that part. We wanted to talk about some specifics."

Catherine walked into the room and greeted her guests. Ryan said, "I was just telling Jennie that we want to talk about the group home."

Catherine sat down right next to the girl and Jamie and Ryan moved to the other side of the table and took their chairs. Ryan began.

"I want to make sure that you know how seriously we all take what happened between you and Pebbles. There's no excuse for her touching you that way, and we're working together to make sure it doesn't happen again."

Jennie said grumpily, "She'll just do something else. She doesn't know what she's doing half the time anyway."

Something about the way she said that made Catherine say, "Does she do drugs?"

"Nah. She's just a gluffer."

"Gluffer?" all three of them asked, almost in unison.

"She huffs," Jennie said. She mimed holding a bag and putting it over her nose and mouth and inhaling deeply. "Head cleaner."

"Does Sandy know about this?"

Two confused sets of eyes looked at Ryan. "What are you two talking about?" Catherine asked.

"Apparently Pebbles abuses inhalants."

"Not just apparently; I've seen her do it. Dozens of times. She's high most of the time." She cocked her head, looking at Ryan curiously. "You couldn't tell?"

Looking slightly embarrassed, Ryan said, "I thought she was just slow."

Jennie laughed, but Catherine and Jamie were still watching the exchange in confusion.

"Inhalants?" Catherine asked.

Jamie said, "Like sniffing glue?"

"Yeah," Jennie said. "But you can't buy glue anymore. She likes Whip-Its, but she doesn't have the money for that, and they won't let her into the grocery stores around us because they caught her stealing stuff too many times. Most of the time she has to use gasoline."

"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Catherine said, "and I'm not even sure what we're talking about."

"What's a Whip-It?" Jamie asked.

Showing far too much knowledge about the topic, Jennie said, "You take an aerosol can, like one with whipped cream, and you tilt it and breathe the nos in."

Astounded, Catherine said, "What is that and does it do to you?"

Jennie shrugged, but it was clear to everyone that she knew, probably from first-hand experience.

Ryan said, "It's nitrous oxide, laughing gas. It gives you a pretty short high. It makes you euphoric for a few seconds, then you're groggy for a little longer."

Jamie almost volunteered that she was familiar with nitrous oxide from Mia's adventures, but she caught herself before revealing that information to Jennie.

"But gasoline doesn't do that," Catherine said, scowling.

Again Jennie shrugged and Ryan got up to go over to her side of the table. She crouched down so they were nose to nose. "If you've been sniffing gasoline…"

Jennie held both hands up. "I swear I never have. I swear it, Ryan."

"That can kill you, Jen. Easily. I'm being one hundred percent honest with you. Nos is bad, but gasoline is deadly."

"It smells bad, too. Pebbles used to make me throw clean clothes to her outside the window so Sandy wouldn't smell her." She made a face. "Half the time she throws up after she does it. She's really disgusting. I think Sandy likes her just because she washes her own clothes. She doesn't know Pebbles does it so she doesn't stink up the house and get caught."

Ryan stood and started to pace back and forth across the dining room. "Why didn't you ever tell us this?"

"I'm not gonna rat her out. You don't do that to people."

"What's your new roommate doing, lighting herself on fire? Sword swallowing? Whatever it is, I'm sure we won't find out until she kills herself or you." Ryan was highly agitated; her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were like lasers as they scanned around the room.

"She doesn't do anything bad." Jennie swallowed. "Nothing that can hurt me at least."

"Oh fuck." All of the fire went out of Ryan and she grabbed a chair and slumped into it. "This can't go on."

"I'm doing the best I can," Jennie said, her eyes filling with tears. "I'd get my ass kicked bad if I told what they were all doing."

Catherine leaned over and wrapped Jennie into her arms. She shot a disapproving glance at Ryan as she murmured soothing words to Jen. "It's going to be fine, dear. We'll help you get through this."

Ryan got up and stood behind the pair, putting her hand on Jennie's head. "I'm sorry, buddy. I just get so worried about you." She ruffled her hair. "You know how much I care about you, don't you?"

"Yeah," Jennie said, the word muffled by Catherine's embrace. The girl stayed just where she was, looking like a wilted flower that slowly gained strength after a good rain. Finally she sat up and rubbed her eyes. "I'm trying to be good, but it's hard."

"You're doing your best," Ryan agreed. She went back to sit by Jamie.

"What can we do?" Catherine asked Jennie. "How can we help you?"

"Can you get rid of Pebbles? She's the worst one in the bunch, but Sandy's always on her side."

"I think Sandy feels bad for her. It doesn't sound like Pebbles has any friends."

Jennie scowled. "She's a huge asshat who takes your stuff and eats your food and grabs you if she thinks she can get away with it. And she can! She'll take the food right off my plate the second nobody's watching her."

"We'll figure something out, Jen," Jamie said. "I know you don't want to tell on your friends, but if anyone is doing anything dangerous…"

"Just Pebbles," she insisted. "She's gonna burn the house down. It's not good to have kerosene in the house, especially since Pebbles smokes when Sandy's not around."

"Okay!" Ryan said brightly, standing up and clapping her hands together. "Who feels better?"

Looking at her through hooded eyes, Jennie said, "You said to tell you."

"I'm glad you did. It just makes me want to put each of you on your own separate island." She walked over and chucked Jennie gently on the arm.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm trying to make contact with Pebble's grandmother. I haven't had much luck, and Sandy says she can't give me her number."

"I'll get the number for you," Jennie volunteered. "I know where Pebbleskeeps her important stuff. She's got numbers and addresses in a notebook."

Ryan shrugged. "Go for it. Just don't set anything on fire while you're looking."

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They had a snack together in the kitchen, with Jamie, Ryan and Catherine having some guacamole and chips while Jennie had 2 tacos and a quesadilla. "Pebbles can't get my food here," she said, happily munching away.

"We'll try to make sure that doesn't happen at the house, either," Catherine said.

"It's not too bad most of the time," Jennie volunteered. "Two of the girls aren't bad at all. I wouldn't want to be friends with them or anything, but they're not horrible."

"A glowing endorsement," Ryan said, wryly. "How are your school buddies?"

"They're good. I talk to 'em, but I haven't really seen 'em. I'd never have them over to my house, and I don't want them to know I have some guy pick me up in a black car, so I can't go to their houses."

"Have they asked you, dear?" Catherine asked.

"Sure. But I just don't think I can swing it."

"When you're not grounded, you can have them come over here. Marta and I would love to entertain your friends."

Jennie smiled for a moment, then her face collapsed into another frown. "How could I explain who you were?"

"Hmm, you could say I was your-"

"Tell the truth," Ryan said, "Catherine's your friend. She lives close to school, so you come over here to avoid the bad traffic going back to Oakland. It's lots easier if you keep things as honest as you can."

Jennie smiled the way she often did when she thought Ryan was being naïve. "Yeah, that works great."

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The next afternoon Ryan had the phone number for Pebbles' grandmother. She sat at her desk in her bedroom and carefully dialed the number. "Mrs. Muliutufaga?" she asked, grimacing at the way she had probably mangled the name. It was only after she had ascertained that this was in fact Pebbles' grandmother that she realized she had no easy way to explain who she was or why she was calling.

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Jamie went downstairs and saw that Ryan was still on the phone. When she saw her partner nodding and talking with her hands, she knew things weren't going well. Ryan only used her hands to talk when her words weren't getting the job done.

"I understand that, ma'am. I'm sure you have had a lot of people make promises to you, but if you'll let me come and visit you…" She turned around in her swivel chair and made a face. "No, ma'am. No, I don't, ma'am. Okay. You do that, I'll call you back." She hung up and said, "I'll save you the dissertation and just say that she's going to call Sandy to see if I'm as crazy as I sound."

Jamie came over and sat on her lap. "What's going to happen when Sandy tells her you're crazier than you sound?"

Ryan dropped her head against Jamie's shoulder. "Everybody loves a comic," she mumbled.

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After dinner that night Jamie and Ryan decided to go on their never-ending quest for great ice cream. They wanted to go by Catherine's house at some point, but neither of them knew of any good ice cream places in Pacific Heights, so they decided they'd keep walking until they found one. Given how determined Ryan got when she was really fixated on something, Jamie decided they'd better stop by her mother's first, just in case they had to leave the county for acceptable ice cream.

It was around eight p.m. when they got close to the house and saw Conor tossing his heavy tool belt into the passenger seat of his truck.

"What did you talk Marta into making you for dinner?" Ryan asked, coming up behind him and slapping him on the back.

He turned around, looking tired and not particularly happy. "Nothing. I've got too much to do to spend my time eating. I'm gonna go get something now."

"We have lots of leftovers," Jamie said. "Go on home and you can watch the Giants on TV."

He smiled gratefully. "Best offer I've had all day." He walked around to the driver's side and gave them a halfhearted wave before getting in the idling truck and taking off.

"I wonder why Marta didn't try to get him to eat dinner," Jamie said.

"No idea."

They went into the house and Marta directed them to the upstairs balcony. It was a lovely, remarkably warm night, but Catherine still had her heat lamps on. After saying hello, they all sat down.

"Well, I had to use every bit of my Irish gift for gab, but it looks like I've talked Pebbles' grandmother into taking her to Samoa for a visit."

Catherine cocked her head, looking puzzled. "That's nice, dear, but how does that help?"

"I'm just trying to get us a little breathing room. The grandmother doesn't work, so she's got the time to go for a nice long trip. She's living with one of her sons and his family, and it sounds like she hates it."

"Is that why she hasn't tried to keep Pebbles with her?"

Frowning, Ryan said, "I got that impression. She doesn't speak great English, so we were both guessing at what the other had to say."

Jamie piped up, "If Pebbles is out of the picture for a while, we don't have to worry about her causing any more trouble while we figure out what we can do for the long term."

"I've been thinking about this a lot," Catherine said. She shifted forward to sit on the edge of her chair. "I think the only solution is for me to petition the court to get custody of Jennie."

Ryan and Jamie exchanged startled looks. "Would you really do that?" Jamie asked. "That would fix everything."

Looking pleased, Catherine said, "It's not how I envisioned my life at this point, but I love that child and I can't stand to see her mistreated."

Jamie was almost giggling with excitement but when she turned and saw the look on Ryan's face, her smile died. "What's wrong?"

"I think it would be very difficult to get custody, and it would take a long time."

"Don't you think it's a good idea?" Jamie persisted.

Showing just a nanosecond of annoyance, Ryan said, "Of course I do. I think it would be an awful lot of work, but it would be great for Jen. I'm just worried that by the time we get it all settled, Jennie will be out of school."

"Oh, Ryan, don'' be such a pessimist. We have a United States senator at our disposal. That's another good reason to get moving on this. We've only got a couple of months until Jim's back home."

Ryan stood up. "We're going in search of fantastic ice cream. Want to go with us?"

"No, but thank you. I'm going to sit here and make plans. Now I'm almost sorry that I'm turning the best bedroom into my library. That would have been a fantastic place for Jennie." She inclined her head toward the living space. "Is Conor still here?"

"No, he was leaving just as we came in," Jamie said. "I was surprised Marta didn't feed him."

"Mmm. I'm sure she tried."

It looked to Ryan as though Catherine knew exactly why Conor wasn't staying for dinner. She felt a quick, short burst of anger, then immediately reminded herself that this was one area where she couldn't favor Conor. Catherine had done the right thing in rebuffing him, but it was hard to ignore years of conditioning to always be on her brothers' side.

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Once they were outside, Jamie opened her mouth to speak but Ryan forestalled her. "I think it's fabulously generous of your mother to want to help Jennie, but I don't think she's taken into account how difficult it would be."

Clearly annoyed, Jamie said, "Did I really turn out that bad?"

"That's hardly what I'm saying. You weren't dropped onto your parents' doorstep when you were fifteen years old. There are many sides to our little friend, and Jennie consistently shows her most angelic one to your mom. I'm not saying she's not a great kid, because you know I think she is, but you also know she does exactly what she wants, and your mom would have to be on her toes every minute. I think that would be a huge adjustment for her."

"Mom is not stupid; she saw what happened when Jennie wanted to go to your softball game. She'll figure out a way to make it work. And she's got Marta to help her."

"I know Marta was a ton of help when you were a little girl, but we should probably ask her if she's willing to do it again. That was twenty years ago."

"If my mom didn't have a clue, it would still be better for Jennie to live somewhere where she was wanted. If nothing else, my mom could afford to send her to the best shrinks in town if she screws her up any worse."

Ryan didn't answer. She just put her arm around Jamie's shoulder as they continued in their search for the perfect ice cream.

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The next morning, Catherine and Maeve were out for an early morning walk, bundled up against the chilly temperatures and the damp July fog. They were in Golden Gate Park and the morning air was redolent of Redwood bark and the humus that had just been spread around the beds of the rose garden.

"You'll never guess what I'm considering doing," Catherine said.

"Then I won't try. Just tell me."

"I'm thinking of asking the court for permission to get custody of Jennie."

Maeve stopped dead in her tracks. "Custody? Full-time custody?"

"Yes. Things aren't going well for her, and I'm concerned for her safety."

They started walking again, but much more slowly this time. "Is she in danger?"

"In many ways, yes. There are only eight girls in her group home, but it's impossible for one person to keep track of that many girls."

"One person?"

"There are more than that, but one woman is in charge. Someone comes in to cook and there are different women who come in overnight, but Sandy has the authority, and she's the one the girls go to for permission and guidance. I think she does a very good job, but it's just not enough. It's nothing like a home."

"I can imagine that's true, but what has brought you to this decision?"

"Jennie's been having trouble with one of the other girls. As you can imagine, they're a pretty troubled bunch. It's nothing horrible; it's just stressful for her and it makes her feel unsafe. She's such a sweet child that it tears at my heart to see her so troubled."

They were walking arm in arm and Maeve gently squeezed Catherine's. "You're a good soul. Jennie's lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have her. She's given me a new perspective, really letting me see how lucky I am. I don't think it will be easy, in any sense, but Jim has been quite enthusiastic and he's promised to call in any favors he can to help me if I need it."

Maeve looked more than a little puzzled. "He thinks that you getting legal custody of Jennie is a good idea?"

"Yes. I spoke to him before I left the house. I was surprised, to be honest, but he's very much in favor of it."

"Isn't that interesting," Maeve said thoughtfully. "Interesting indeed."

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Jamie woke on Saturday morning to find Ryan's side of the bed cool. "Honey?" she mumbled groggily.

"Right here," Ryan said. She got up from her desk chair and went to sit on the edge of the bed. Several soft kisses on Jamie's bare neck and back had both of them purring with pleasure.

"Get back in bed," Jamie demanded.

"Can't. We're taking Cait to the park. Did you forget?"

"This early?"

"It's eight o'clock. That's not early."

Opening one eye to see if Ryan was teasing, Jamie realized she was perfectly serious. "Is she at home?"

"No. Da and my aunt have her. Tommy's working at OFC today and Annie's on the seven

a.m. shift at the hospital." Ryan tickled Jamie's side. "I told Da we'd be by early to mind the baby. They want to be off to get the messages," she said in an Irish accent that sounded very much like Martin's.

"The messages." Jamie giggled. "After all these years, they still don't say 'errands'."

"Would you start saying 'messages' if you moved to Ireland?"

"Point taken. Why don't you go get Caitlin? I'll lie here and think about getting up."

Ryan placed a few wet kisses across her forehead and cheeks. "You're a lazy girl, but I love you. We'll bring you breakfast, even though you've done nothing to deserve it." Ryan gave her a last kiss and almost bounded up the stairs, leaving Jamie to wonder for a few moments about her prodigious energy before she contentedly fell back to sleep.

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When Ryan hurried up the stairs to her aunt's house, Caitlin was at the storm door, slapping it with her hands, calling out her version of Jamie's name, "May-me! May-me!"

Ryan opened the door and caught Caitlin in her arms. "Why is she your favorite? Hmm?" She kissed the baby until she squealed with delight, then they went into the kitchen where it seemed her father and aunt spent the majority of their time. Indeed, they were at the small table by the window, still sipping tea and reading the paper.

"Where's your best half?" Martin asked.

"Does anyone notice I'm here?" Ryan teased. She bent to kiss her father, then her aunt. "Caitlin only notices Jamie's absence too." She sat down, with Cait on her lap. "What's on your agenda for the day?"

"The usual," Maeve said. "It's just nice to have Marty home on a Saturday. We thought we'd go to Ferry Street for the market."

"Oh, cool. Get us some stone fruit if they have any, will you?"

"Of course. Anything else?"

"No. I just like to have fruit around for snacks. Jamie's in charge of everything else and I never know what she's gonna cook."

"Kevin says he's been exposed to a whole array of dishes he's never had before," Maeve said.

"Kevin isn't very experimental on his own," Ryan said, smiling. "But he eats whatever's put in front of him."

Laughing, Maeve agreed. "My boys have always been good eaters."

Caitlin started to struggle, wanting to get moving, and Ryan started to get up to leave. But Martin put a hand on her leg. "Let the baby go for a moment. We wanted to talk to you and now seems like a good time."

Ryan's immediate reaction was, as always, fearful. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. For the love of Mike. Nothing. We want to talk about Jennie."

Ryan made a face, then put the baby on the floor. Caitlin got under the table and started

untying shoelaces. Ryan took a look under the tablecloth, watching her singing a song to herself as she studied Martin's and Ryan's respective laces. "Odd kid," she teased. "Well," Martin began, "your aunt and I have discussed this at great length. I believe we're agreed that Catherine would be taking on too big a job to get custody of the girl." Ryan tilted her head back. "Thank God. I've been thinking I was the only one who felt that way."

"You know how much we both love Catherine," Maeve said, "but Jennie's not an easy child. If she were, she wouldn't be in the position she's in now."

"Agreed," Ryan said. "Catherine hasn't been there when she runs away or gets caught smoking grass. She also hasn't had to chase her through Oakland in the middle of the night when she's on the corner with a bunch of drug addicts and prostitutes." She shivered at the memory.

"So what's to be done? She's can't stay where she is," Martin said firmly. "She's not safe in that place."

"She might be," Ryan said. "The girl who's causing the trouble, we're close to getting her out of town for a few weeks. With luck she'll like Samoa and will want to live there. Her grandmother's taking her on the trip, and she desperately wants to move back there herself."

"But who will take this girl's place?" Maeve asked. "You don't wind up in a group home because you're well behaved."

Ryan shrugged. "It happens. Not often, but some of the girls are just throw-aways because they're gay."

"Ahh, but who can go through that and be well behaved?" Martin asked. "It's hard enough to be a teenager these days. Having your parents throw you out of the house has to send a child half off her rocker."

"True. But what do we do? You've clearly pointed out that Jamie and I aren't equipped to handle her."

"No, but we are," Martin said, the gravity of his tone reflecting the seriousness of the issue.

"You?" Ryan looked from her aunt to her father. "You'd do that?"

"I think we have to," Maeve said. "Neither of us planned on having a teenager appear, but we can't let the girl be lost."

Ryan nodded, then looked down at Caitlin playing with shoes. "You've got very kind grandparents, kiddo." She smiled at her aunt. "But you've got your hands full. Caitlin's going to be more work for you now that she can get into everything."

"True. But Jennie could help out with her."

Scratching her head, Ryan said, "I'm not sure about that. For short periods of time, maybe, but Jennie has got a lot to learn about taking care of herself before I'd trust her with the baby."

"Jennie's a lovely child," Martin said. "She just needs some consistency."

"I agree. But giving it to her will take an awful lot of work. Are you sure you want to spend a good part of your lives doing that?"

Martin sighed. "No, it's not what we want. But someone has to do it, and we're the most able."

Ryan reached down and snatched Caitlin from under the table, hoisting her into the air. The baby stuck her arms and legs out, begging to have Ryan make her into an airplane. Ryan stood and swooped her around the room, making jet sounds. When her arms were tired, she tucked Caitlin under her arm and started for the door. "Let's keep kicking the idea around. Maybe we should have a family meeting."

"All right," Maeve said. "Let's have a little party at the house." Ryan kissed each of them goodbye, then headed for home, already planning the confab.

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The party was planned for the following Friday evening, the first night everyone involved was available. Mid-week, Ryan got the news that Pebbles and her grandmother would be flying to Pago Pago on the weekend and would be gone until school began.

"Woo-hoo!" she shouted when Sandy called with the update. She ran through the house to find Jamie. "Good news! Pebbles is out of the equation until school starts. We've got a little breathing room."

"Thank God," Jamie sighed. "I hope it's a tropical paradise and Pebbles loves it so much she insists on staying."

"Me too, but more for her sake than Jen's. Being with her grandmother might straighten her out a little bit."

"Couldn't hurt," Jamie said. "I hope."

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In Colorado Springs, Mia was happily ensconced in their new apartment, playing homemaker while Jordan was chasing her dream. When Jordan came home on a Monday night in July, Mia knew something was wrong as soon as Jordan stepped in the door.

"What happened?" Mia asked as soon as she saw Jordy's face.

Jordan dropped her bag and walked into the kitchen where Mia was preparing an early dinner. She sat down on a stool and let her hands dangle between her legs. Taking a breath, she said, "The coaches made a cut this morning. We were all on the court together on Saturday, but there was one less outside hitter this morning."

"Which one?'

"Ekaterina."

"Ekaterina! What happened? It's July the…" she looked at the calendar on the wall, "twentythird. The next cut was supposed to be August first."

"It was supposed to be. I guess they figured we weren't tense enough, so they added in another level of anxiety." She dropped her head to her arms, resting on the counter before her. "If I wasn't so worried about being caught, I'd try to get some Valium or something. I'm so nervous, my stomach's upset most of the time."

Mia put down her knife and went to stand behind Jordan. Offering the only support she knew how to give, she wrapped Jordan in a tight hug and held on for a long time.

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The next day, afternoon practice was about to start when Toni came up beside Jordan. "One less person to worry about, huh?"

"Uhm, I guess so. But I didn't think she was the weakest of the six of us."

Toni slapped Jordan hard on the butt. "No, she wasn't." Grinning devilishly, she went to take her position, leaving Jordan feeling like vomiting from anxiety.

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As soon as practice was over, Jordan jogged over to Toni to catch her before she had a chance to leave. "What did you mean when you said-"

"Shh,"Toni interrupted."It's not safe to talk here. Come over to the apartment."

Jordan glanced at the clock on the wall. "Mia's usually making dinner by now. I don't want to keep her waiting."

"No big deal."

Toni started to walk away but Jordan dashed to catch her. "Can I call you?"

"Not tonight. I'm gonna take a nap and then go out. Maybe we could get together tomorrow."

Jordan knew she wouldn't be able to get a moment's rest until she knew what Toni knew. "Can I come over now?"

Smiling seductively, Toni said, "Sure. You can give me a ride. We'll beat the other girls home and we can talk in private."

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Jordan shivered when she entered their old apartment. There was something so transient about it that she wondered how she'd been able to stay there for as long as she had. They went directly into Toni's room and she closed the door.

"I'll turn on some music so the other girls don't know you're here."

"Why do we have to be so secretive?"

"Because you're competing against them." Toni gave her a look that indicated her surprise at Jordan's naiveté. "To have winners, you have to have losers."

"Yeah, I know, but I feel like I'm in this together with all of the other outside hitters. I liked Ekaterina. God," she let out a breath. "She came here to college and got citizenship just so she could make the team. She had so much invested…"

Toni tapped Jordan's forehead. "Wrong, wrong, wrong."

She started to take off her warm-up suit, acting as though she were alone. That wasn't unusual behavior for her, but it still discomfited Jordan. Th e room was so small there was nowhere to hide, and she felt stupid facing the wall, so she sat on the bed and averted her eyes.

"The only thing you have in common with the other two rookies," Toni continued, "is that you all should want the other two to go home. Their loss is your gain." She picked up a bottle of lotion and started rubbing it into her arms. "Taking so many showers a day is killing my skin."

"After lunch you said that Ekaterina wasn't the least talented outside hitter. What did you mean by that?"

"Just what I said. She's better than Makela, and pretty comparable to you. So you can thank me for helping to get rid of her." Toni sat down on the opposite side of the bed and continued to massage lotion into her muscular arms.

"What you mean by that?" Jordan was so shocked by her statement that her naturally high voice went up even higher, making her sound shrill.

"I talked to the coach."

"About what?"

Toni turned and looked at her. "I know you're not stupid, but you're sure acting it. I did a little politicking for you. I figured if we got rid of Ekaterina sooner rather than later, Makela can go next. That will let him make an easier cut at outside hitter and he can make the tough decision about which libero to keep."

"And you think he listened to you?" Jordan shook her head. "I didn't mean that like it sounded. I'm just surprised he'd take advice from a player."

"Well, not from just any player. He listens to a couple of us. We go way back, you know. He trusts my judgment; he knows that I understand what it takes to have a team rather than a bunch of good players." She turned around again, facing away from Jordan. Bending her arm behind herself she held out the lotion. "Will you put some of this on my back?"

Mechanically, Jordan did as she was asked, the ramifications of Toni's information flying around in her head. She hardly noticed when Toni pulled away and got under the sheet.

"Why don't you join me?" she asked, breaking Jordan from her reverie.

"Do what?"

Holding the sheet up in invitation, as well as displaying her very attractive naked body, Toni said, "You don't want the other girls to see you leave. You already told Mia you were gonna be late, so slide on in and grab a...nap."

The words were relatively harmless, really quite benign, but the way Toni stressed the last word and held Jordan's gaze made her immediately jump to her feet. "I've got to go," she said, totally flustered.

Patiently, Toni said, "I told you you shouldn't let the other girls see you here. They'll know we've been talking, and I don't want them to know I have coach's ear."

"They won't know that. Why can't we just be talking?"

Sighing, Toni said, "Nobody just talks at this point in training camp. It's like a reality show, Jordan. You have to be plotting how to get the other people off the island."

"That's not what I'm good at. I need to focus on playing as well as I can."

"That's a given. Everybody has to do that, even me, and I'm a lock. But you have to do more. You have to make your alliances." She held the sheet even further away from herself. "Come on and have a quick nap. No one needs to know. It'll do you good."

Jordan could feel her body breaking out in a sweat. She had no idea whether Toni was telling the truth. Maybe she really did have their coach's ear; it didn't matter. She had to get out of this room, and she had to go now. She did have the presence of mind to decide to look clueless rather than sick to her stomach at the thought of having sex with Toni.

"I really wish I could, because I'm really tired. I told Mia I'd just be a few minutes, and I don't want her to call and…wake us up." Jordan hurried towards the door, turning the knob and sliding out before Toni could protest.

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Jordan sat in Mia's car, right outside their new apartment talking to Ryan on the phone. She had gone over the entire incident three times but she still needed reassurance. "Are you sure she was hitting on me?"

"Pinning you to the bed and ripping your clothes off would have been the next step," Ryan said. "That's inexcusable. I think you've gotta go to the coach and report her."

"For what? She's not on the coaching staff. There's no rule that says you can't try to get your teammates to have sex with you. Besides, they'd believe her over me if she's as close to the coach as she says she is."

"She's an asshole, and she'll probably do it to somebody else if you don't stop her."

"Don't put that kind of pressure on me right now," Jordan said, her voice shaking. "I've got fifteen years of work riding on this. She hasn't shown any interest in any of the other girls. I don't want to be cold, but everybody else is gonna have to look out for herself."

"Don't worry about it. That was just my gut response. You need to take care of yourself right now, and you need to keep Mia away from Toni, 'cause she'll kill her, and I'm not kidding."

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Jordan knew that she was completely inept at hiding her feelings. She only hoped that she could make Mia think she was upset about what she had learned from Toni, rather than what Toni had offered. Her first mistake was going into the apartment with a fake cheerful smile.

"Honey, I'm home."

Mia walked into the living room and cocked her head. She made a vague gesture with both hands. Coming up to stand right in front of Jordan, she said, "Something's not right. That smile doesn't match the rest of the package." She took a moment to give Jordan a sincere welcome- home kiss, then she backed away again, her intent brown eyes roaming over Jordan's face and body. "I can't tell if you're nervous or excited or frightened." She ran her hand across Jordan's cheek. "But whatever it is, you're about to explode."

"Dammit! Ryan might have good advice, but it never works."

Mia took Jordan by the hand and led her over to the sofa. When she was standing right in front of the cushion, Mia gave her a push and Jordan flopped down. Straddling her lap, Mia rested all of her weight on Jordan's thighs. "You're bigger than I am, and you're stronger, but I don't think you can get up from this position unless I let you. And I'm not letting you get up until you tell me the truth. You're trying to hide something from me, and you're horrible at it."

Jordan looked up into Mia's eyes and knew she had to just get it over with. "It turns out that Toni talked to the coach and convinced him to get rid of Ekaterina to make the competition easier for me."

Mia raised one eyebrow dramatically. "She's no humanitarian."

"She's not." Jordan looked down, staring at the stripes on Mia's shirt.

Chucking a finger under Jordan's chin, Mia tilted her head up. "Tell me what happened."

Sighing in defeat, Jordan said, "She just told me that's what she did, and she told me that I needed to make alliances. She said it wasn't enough to play well."

"At what point did she proposition you?"

She said it so calmly that Jordan thought they all might escape without bloodshed. "After she told me that. She said we should take a nap together."

Looking puzzled, and still calm, Mia said, "A nap? She wanted to take a nap?"

"Yeah." It took Jordan a few seconds to get the rest of it out. "She was naked and lying in bed, and she said nobody had to know. She said it would be good for me." She gulped. "Ryan says that was a threat."

Her eyebrows twitched together just once, then Mia got up and went into the kitchen. When she emerged she was holding her car keys, striding for the door. Jordan jumped up and blocked the door, fighting to keep her balance when Mia tried to push her out of the way.

"Stand aside," she said, still as calm as before.

"No!" Jordan put her hands alongside Mia's face and forced her to look at her. "You can't go over there."

"Watch me."

Mia hit Jordan with her hip, almost knocking her over. As Jordan struggled to stay upright, she wrapped her arms around Mia and wrestled her to the sofa. But Mia wasn't going down without a fight and she tried to slither away, bringing them both to the ground.

"You'll get me thrown off the team," Jordan pleaded. "Please don't kill her."

"I'm not gonna kill her," Mia scoffed. "Killing's too easy. I'm gonna make her wish I'd killed her." She kicked her legs, trying to free herself, but only managed to have Jordan roll on top of her.

"Please torture her after I make the team or get cut. I'll help you torture her then. Really." Her face was red and veins throbbed on the sides of her face, but her expression was utterly sincere and Mia slowly released her hold.

"I have to do something," Mia growled, now sitting up. "I've got to get rid of some of this energy or I can't be responsible for my actions."

"We could go for a run. Or you could wear my Supergirl outfit and rock the house."

Jordan wore a playful grin, but Mia didn't return it. She got to her feet and headed for the bedroom. "We'd better go for a run first. If I put on your Supergirl outfit right now, you might never walk again."

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Ryan had been over at the OFC all day, helping to pull down a staircase now that she had demolition experience. Jamie had been willing to go, but Ryan tactfully suggested there were better ways for her to spend the day. When she returned home, Ryan was covered with dust and grit; the only thing clean about her was her white socks, which had been covered by her work boots.

Jamie pointed at the bathroom. "Get in there immediately." She jumped up and went with Ryan. "Actually, get in the tub. This grit is so fine, it'll be easier to wash it down the drain than vacuum it up."

"Aren't you glad I didn't make you come with me?"

"Kind of." Jamie started to peel Ryan's clothes off of her, one layer at a time. "Who was there?"

"Sean and Seamus. Brian stopped by and stood around talking until Sean told him to get lost."

"I'd say Brian is your least favorite cousin."

Eyes wide, Ryan said, "Why would you say that? I don't have a least favorite. They're all fine."

Jamie reminded herself that it didn't matter how much a part of the family she was, she would never be allowed to criticize any of them or imply that some were higher on the food chain than others.

"My mistake. I've been on the phone with Mia. Big news."

"Jordan called me yesterday and told me about the cut."

Jamie pinched her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. Jordan didn't tell me to."

Rolling her eyes, Jamie pulled the shower curtain closed and sat down on the toilet while Ryan started the water. "Well, Mia is in quite a state. You know that woman that Jordan used to live with? Toni?"

"Yeah."

"She apparently made a major play for Jordan and Mia is ready to kill her. She and Jordan were actually rolling around on the floor yesterday. Mia wanted to go do God-knows-what, but Jordan stopped her."

"I didn't see Mia's picture in the news today so I guess she didn't go through with it."

Jamie pulled the curtain aside, in order to see Ryan's face. "You don't sound surprised by any of this."

Ryan caught her look and mustered a reasonably innocent smile. "I'm surprised by everything."

"Well, be surprised by this. I'm gonna go see Mia tomorrow. Are you going with me?"

"Tomorrow! You can't go tomorrow."

"Sure I can. There are plenty of seats available.We leave here at ten and we're there by noon."

Ryan rinsed off the rest of the soap and turned off the water. "You act like it's no more complicated than going to the grocery store."

Grinning, Jamie said, "I think it's a little less complicated than going through the produce aisle at the Berkeley Bowl."

"It's not funny. I can't just pick up at the drop of a hat and go."

"Yes you can. You choose not to, but you can."

"I thought it would be cool to go on August fifteenth. That's when they announce the final team. If Jordan makes it, we'd be there to celebrate. If she doesn't, we're there to bring her home."

"I think that's a fantastic idea. We can go again then."

"Aw, Jamie."

Jamie wrapped her arms around Ryan's damp body. "I know I'm mean to you, but I appreciate you putting up with me."

"I really don't want to go."

"I didn't expect you to. I was just asking to be polite. So can you take me to the airport in the morning?"

Slightly dumbfounded, Ryan said, "You're really going to go without me?"

"I'm going to go, honey. I'd like to go with you, but I'm going with or without you."

"Fine. I'll go. It's gonna screw up the week, though. We're supposed to have our meeting about Jennie on Friday."

"We can reschedule it."

Ryan took her towel and ran it briskly around her head. She went out into the main room, mumbling, "Not everybody's schedule is as flexible as yours."

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When they were actually on the plane the next day, Ryan's mood was much improved. Jamie had come to the conclusion that making the decision about traveling was much harder for Ryan than actually traveling. As a courtesy, Jamie had booked them economy class seats. It wasn't her preferred means of travel, but if Ryan was going to be flexible enough to go, Jamie thought she had to be flexible enough to go economy.

It was a relatively small plane, two seats on each side of the aisle. They'd been in the air long enough to have soft drinks and some strange snack mix delivered. Jamie said, "Remember the other week when we talked about you and Mia?"

Ryan eyed Jamie's unopened snack mix, then grinned when Jamie automatically handed it to her. "We talk about Mia all the time."

"No, when we talked about how you were bothered by her sometimes."

"Yeah, I remember."

"I just want to make sure you know that I would never be jealous about you and Mia teasing each other or anything. I hope you can really be yourself with her."

"I can be. I'm not sure what was going on with me, but whatever it was, I'm over it."

Jamie leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Good. They're both really tense, and I hope having us around for a few days might take Jordan's mind off her worries. And when Jordan isn't as worried, Mia is a lot happier."

"As it should be."

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They'd had only one relatively minor argument over their travel plans. Jamie had decided that it was too inconvenient to have Mia have drive all the way to Denver to pick them up at the airport, so she hadn't told Mia they were coming. Ryan found the whole thing crazy, arguing that people loved to go to the airport to pick up their loved ones. But Jamie knew Mia well enough to know that Mia would like nothing more than to have her friends turn up on her doorstep. Surprisingly, Ryan didn't complain about the expense, partly because Jamie had arranged for the cheapest possible transportation to Colorado Springs. They took an airport shuttle that dropped them off at the Colorado Springs Airport, then caught a cab to Jordan and Mia's apartment.

It was almost four o'clock, and from their frequent phone contact, Jamie knew that was just about when Jordan got home. Jamie was paying the driver while Ryan went up to the entryway to search for their friends' names on a board. She was turning around to see if Jamie was on her way when Jordan appeared from around the corner.

"Boomer!"

Ryan heard her nickname, then nearly fell to the ground when Jordan literally threw herself at her. Jordan landed mostly on Ryan's back, her arms wrapped around her shoulders. When Jamie turned to see what the yelling was Jordan's feet were kicking out behind herself and she was giggling.

"You're killing me," Ryan complained.

Jordan dropped to the ground then gave Ryan a hug from behind, burying her face between her shoulders. "You guys rock," she murmured.

By the time Jamie reached the pair, Jordan had released her hold on Ryan. Then she gave Jamie a remarkably un-Jordanlike welcome. She hugged her so tightly, Jamie's feet came off the ground, then she put her down and kissed her so many times that Jamie lost track. "I'm so glad to see you. You couldn't have come at a better time."

Jamie looked over at a grinning Ryan and stuck her tongue out at her, then mouthed, "Told you so."

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The neighbors didn't call the police, but Ryan would not have blamed them if they had. When Mia saw them come in, she grabbed Jamie and they jumped up and down, shrieking for what seemed like a very long time. Ryan guessed there were words among the gibberish that was coming out of them, but she understood none of them.

When Mia was finally exhausted she stumbled over to Ryan and said, "Kiss me."

Ryan did, showing her the same level of affection she did for all of her close friends. She then wrapped Mia in her arms and hugged her tightly.

Laughing, Mia pulled away. "Jamie and Jordan are right here. Keep it on the down low."

"It's not easy," Ryan said. "But I'll try to behave."

Mia grabbed Jamie by the hand and pulled her into the living room, where they both sank down into the spacious L-shaped seating area. "Can you believe how nice this place is?" Mia asked. "You've gotta take a bunch of pictures and show your mom."

Ryan and Jordan strolled over to the seating area and sat down more purposefully. "I can't believe you didn't tell us you were coming," Jordan said. "But it's really cool that you surprised us."

"I think it's really cool I didn't have to go to the airport and get you," Mia said, smiling sweetly at Ryan.

"Obviously, Jamie made our arrangements," Ryan said. "If I had made them, we wouldn't be here for twenty-one days, since that's when the best fares are, and you would most definitely have had to come to Denver to pick us up."

"Why didn't you fly into Colorado Springs?" Jordan asked.

"We would have, but the flight I wanted was booked. I would've had to get up at dawn to make the one that was still available."

Ryan stared at her, open mouthed. "You told me there were no flights."

Smiling demurely, Jamie said, "There were no flights that I was going to be on, and I didn't think you would want to go separately."

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Mia and Jamie went into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. Jordan leaned back with her arms stretched across the sofa. "Pretty nice, huh, Boom? Our women are cooking and we get to put our feet up."

"I'm really quite able to cook, but Jamie prefers to do it all. Now that we're spending so much time together, I think it's a way for her to have her own space."

"I think Mia does it to save money. She doesn't have any love for cooking."

"Maybe she does it because it would be hard to get the kind of food you need at a restaurant."

"No, not really. There is a large percentage of the population here that treats meals like science experiments. But it's really expensive to go to good natural foods restaurants."

"Good food is expensive. That's why fast food is cheap," Ryan said. "So, talk to me about this latest cut."

"It was fucked up." She shook her head. "We're at sixteen players now. We're going down to fourteen by next week if they stick to the schedule." She put her hands around her throat and acted like she was choking herself.

"I can't see how keeping you guys under the gun so much of the time is supposed to help your play. When's your final cut?"

"In three weeks. August fifteenth. We're gonna be somewhere in Asia when we have to get down to the final twelve. I guess they'll take the last two girls they cut and stick them on a plane for home."

Ryan waited a beat to see if she was kidding, but the look on Jordan's face showed she was deadly serious. "Where are you going to be?"

With a half smile, Jordan said, "I hope I'm gonna be somewhere in Asia. We start in Macau. If I make the next cut, I'll be on a plane for there in about ten days from now."

"And you're gone for how long?"

"Almost four weeks. The tournament's in Macau, thailand, Taiwan, Malaysia, and China. The finals are in the Philippines. Gruesome schedule," she added unnecessarily.

"Damn. Now I'm glad Jamie talked me into coming. I was planning on coming to celebrate with you when you made the final cut."

Smirking at her, Jordan said, "Or put me in a straight jacket and take me home."

Ryan shook her head. "No way. You've made it this far, you're not going to be stopped now."

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As soon as Mia and Jamie got into the kitchen Jamie whispered, "Where's the rest of Jordan?"

Mia draped herself dramatically across the counter. "I'm gonna be so glad when this is over. All of her beautiful curves…gone! I didn't know you could take a body that fantastic and turn it into something so hard. You can't tell when she has her clothes on, but you can see her veins. When we're having sex, I see all those veins and tendons bulging and it freaks me out."

"She really does look different. She's still gorgeous, of course…"

"Yeah, of course. She can't help being gorgeous, but I'm getting ready for old age. When we have sex, I close my eyes and think about how she used to look." She laughed impishly, but it was clear she was partially serious.

"Is it really that different?"

"You know I'm like a dude. I'm all about the visuals. I love her as much as ever, but I don't get hot when I see her naked anymore. She has to make a move or we have to kiss. Before, I could just see her and have to have her. That's over. And I hope to God it's temporary."

"Take it from me, her curves can come back. Ryan's have come and gone twice, and they're just as good as they ever were."

Mia sighed. "When Ryan hugged me, I wanted to keep hanging on. She feels so springy. I miss flesh."

"Yeah, she's back to perfect. I'm still trying to lose three pounds, but all the walking we've been doing should take care of that eventually."

"You look hot and you know it." Mia put her arms around Jamie and hugged her tightly. "You're the best friend I've ever had, and I hope you know it. Having you come here now is absolutely fantastic."

"There's no place I'd rather be."

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By the time they all sat down to dinner, it was as though they had just picked up their usual evening meal from Berkeley and plopped it down in Colorado Springs. Everything was exactly the same: Mia teased everyone; Jordan placidly watched; Jamie tried to be the voice of reason; and Ryan was usually the butt of most jokes. The menu was a little less festive than what they were used to, but that was because of Jordan's training restrictions.

Ryan said, "Since we're not rushing to get married, we've decided to put our energies into finding a house."

"Awesome." Jordan nodded her approval. "I wish I could help you. There's almost nothing I like better than looking at houses."

"Are you looking for a house?" Mia asked, holding her arms far apart. "Or a house?" She moved her hands together until the distance between them was the size of a shoebox.

"Somewhere in the middle," Jamie said.

Ryan piped up, "I think we're gonna go pretty big. We'll probably sell the house in Berkeley. You guys don't mind living in the city, do you?"

"We get to come?" Mia asked brightly.

"Of course." Ryan leaned back and smiled, likely thinking about having her little family together once more. She didn't see the look she was getting from her partner, but luckily no one else did either.

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Jordan and Mia offered their bedroom, but their guests would not hear of it. "We don't have to get up at the crack of dawn," Jamie said. She elbowed Ryan. "Well, I don't."

"I wanna go hang out," Ryan said. "Jordan's pretty sure she can get me in by telling her coach that I'm considering trying out for the team."

"Then maybe Mia and I should sleep in the bedroom, and you and Jordan can sleep out here so you don't bother us when you get up."

"That's fine," Jordan said, her amenable personality always ready to please.

Mia grabbed the sleeve of her T-shirt and started tugging her towards the bedroom. "She's teasing, baby. Pay no attention to the mean lady."

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When they were ensconced on the sofa bed, Jamie rolled onto her side and propped her head up with her hand. "Can I ask a favor?"

"Sure. Anything."

"Would you check with me before you invite anyone else to live with us permanently?" Jamie batted her eyes and smiled.

"Uhm...sure. Am I in trouble?"

"Of course not. I just think we should make decisions like that in tandem."

Looking a little puzzled, Ryan said, "Don't you want them to live with us?"

"Depending on the kind of house we get, that could work out. But getting a place that could accommodate two master suites is going to make house hunting a lot tougher."

"We don't need master suites. As long as we have two bedrooms and two baths, we'd be good to go."

Ryan looked at Jamie with such a good hearted smile that she was incapable of disappointing her. "You're right. It won't be that hard to find a place. But I still want you to tell me if you invite anybody else."

Ryan kissed her on the forehead. "You've got a deal."

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Before the crack of dawn, Jordan came out and very quietly woke Ryan. "Still wanna go with me?"

By way of answer, Ryan slipped off the edge of the sofa bed and started gathering the clothes that she had laid out the night before.

"You're awfully easy to wake up," Jordan whispered.

"My father's a firefighter. It's in the genes."

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As Jordan predicted, it was quite easy to get an all-access visitor pass for Ryan. Passes of that sort were really quite difficult to obtain, but one of the assistant coaches had seen Ryan play in high school and he still remembered her, and the head coach had seen her at Cal and was a fan.

For most of the day, Ryan sat in the stands and watched intently. The team did a variety of drills, all of which were more difficult than any Ryan had ever been subjected to. It seemed to her that the coach's goal was to work the team to failure, and he did a good job. No matter how good a job a player was doing on the drill, she stayed out there until she wasn't able to successfully complete it. Ryan hadn't had much experience with coaches who used that technique. It wasn't the type of thing you could get away with using with younger women, and even many college players would have just given up. But these women wanted to be on this team so badly, that Ryan understood his thinking. She didn't agree with it, but she understood it. He was clearly trying to make them use all of their reserves in order to enhance their skills. She thought that might work in some instances, but not in this short a timeframe. It was the kind of thing a coach could do with a stable roster and a couple of years-not, in her opinion, a changing roster and a few weeks time.

After the drills in the morning, Jordan was scheduled to work out with free weights until lunch. Ryan was able to join her, and the strength coach worked them out together. By the time they were finished, Ryan was toast.

"I couldn't do this," she said, dragging her way behind Jordan in the lunch line at the cafeteria.

"It didn't start out this intense," Jordan said, smirking. "There wouldn't be anybody left."

"If I worked out that hard on a regular basis, I'd look like a guy. Jamie would hate it."

"Mia doesn't like it either. Either that or the honeymoon's over, but she's just not on me like she used to be. I miss it," Jordan said longingly.

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"No." Jordan grabbed two bananas from a basket. "We're still having sex a lot, she just doesn't tackle me when I'm walking through a room."

"Huh. That's what Jamie says about me. Maybe I'd better talk to Mia and see what's going on with us."

"No. I don't want her to know that I talked to you about this. She might get embarrassed."

"Yeah," Ryan said with a smirk, "Mia gets embarrassed awfully easily."

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Minutes after Ryan and Jordan left for the training session, Mia joined Jamie on the sofa bed. She scooted around, trying to get comfortable. "This ain't great." Jamie stuck her arm out and Mia curled up alongside her, resting her head on Jamie's shoulder. "Much better. Much much better."

Jamie ran her fingers through Mia's curls. "Your hair has gotten so long. It looks great."

Mia purred like a kitten. "Jordy loves it so I guess I'll keep growing it out. How about you? Going to let yours go?"

"I suppose so. Ryan wants to see it long. I'm at a critical juncture. Another inch and it's gonna look messy."

"You'll have to suck it up and get through it. But your hair's super great when it's long. I couldn't believe it when you cut it. You were the only girl with good hair who had it short when we were first at Cal."

Jamie chuckled softly. "And I'm sure you checked every girl out."

"Hey. New school. Gotta check out the talent."

"How about Colorado Springs? Are the girls pretty here?"

"Haven't noticed," Mia said through a yawn. "When you've got the best looking girl in the world, it's a waste of time."

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Jamie and Mia were awake by eight, but neither had the motivation or the desire to get out of bed. "So," Jamie said. "What are you going to do to this Toni person?"

Mia lay on her back, legs crossed at the knee, hands behind her head. She had a contented, dreamy look in her eyes. "Oh, I have so many ideas. And some of them are epic, truly epic, James. But I can't do any of them until after the Olympics. If I maim and mutilate her now, it could hurt Jordy's chances, and I'd never risk that." She laughed evilly. "If I'd gotten out of the house the other day, I can't say what I would have done, so I guess I might be willing to hurt Jordy."

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It was a gorgeous summer day, with sparkling clear skies of a blue hue almost indescribably pretty. They didn't have a car, but they had the day to themselves, and Jamie's bank account to support any endeavor. "Let's do something you never get to do," Jamie suggested.

Dryly, Mia said, "I lie by the pool and listen to music, I make dinner every evening, I watch Jordy act like she's not falling asleep the minute dinner's over, and most nights I get lucky. Everything that's not on that list is something I never get to do."

Concerned, Jamie asked, "Is any part of this good for you?"

A surprisingly sincere smile illuminated Mia's face. "Every part. This is where Jordan needs to be, and I need to be with her."

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Jamie called her mother, and after just a few minutes conversation, she had an agenda. "Mom says the Broadmoor has a really good spa. Have you been there?"

Mia looked at her for a few long seconds. "What part of 'I don't go anywhere' don't you get?"

"I thought maybe you went for drives when Jordan wasn't working. She does get a day off, doesn't she?"

"Usually. But I just drag her down to the pool so she gets a little color in her cheeks. If we were still living in that other dump, she'd look like she has some terminal illness." She put both hands on Jamie's shoulders and shook her gently. "Your mother saved my life. She really saved my life. I was going mad over there."

"Let's hop in a cab and go have a decadent breakfast, then hit that spa."

"If I had any pride, I'd try to convince you to just hang out here until the girls get home. Luckily, I don't have even an ounce of it." She threw both arms around Jamie and hugged her. "I swear I would love you just as much if you were broke, but I really love your money."

Giggling, Jamie said, "Don't tell Ryan, but that makes two of us. Being rich rocks."

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They had a breakfast that contained more sugar and fat than Jordan had eaten in months. And since Mia usually ate what Jordan did, it was a shock to her system. "I don't know what's got my head buzzing more, the Mimosa or the French toast. Whichever it is, I want more."

Jamie was carefully reviewing the list of services the spa offered. "Here'' what I want: a hot stone massage, a swim in the lap pool, then lunch, then this cool shower with eighteen heads, then a pedicure and a facial." She handed the card to Mia. "Pick your poison."

Without glancing at the card, Mia said, "You're the expert. I defer to your superior experience."

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Jamie and Mia had both had their massages and were lying face down on comfortable chaise lounges by the indoor lap pool. It was too nice a day to be indoors, but Jamie didn't want to have to slather herself with sunblock, so they were the only people by the pool.

"This is so cool," Mia said. "It's like having our own private pool." She laughed for a second. "What am I talking about? This isn't nearly as nice as your pool in Pebble Beach."

"True. But I don't compare things like that. That's one of the many things I'm learning from Ryan."

"Besides cunnilingus?" Mia teased.

"Yep, although that's the best thing I've learned. I try really hard to enjoy what I'm doing no matter where I am. I've got so much that I realize I can't try to replicate it all. Whenever I leave home, I'm probably not going to be as comfortable."

"I agree that Ryan has been the best thing that's ever happened to you. If I were you and I had to choose between being dirt poor and having her, or rich and having just about anyone else, I'd take her."

Jamie laughed. "Anybody else in the world? I'll have to think about that."

"Ryan's perfect for you. You couldn't do any better."

"That's all true, but she's been a little shaky in the perfection department." Jamie turned over so she was lying on her side. "Her sex drive has diminished to a human level, and I'm not loving it."

Mia mirrored her posture and they looked at each other with concern. "Damn, I hope Jordan doesn't feel that way about me."

"Double damn! Ryan better not be slacking off because she's not as attracted to me as she used to be!" She reached down and pinched the fat that no one else would have noticed. "Maybe I only turn her on when I'm in perfect shape. Breaking my elbow really screwed me up."

"You're on drugs. You look fantastic. Tell me how she's slacking off and I'll give you a diagnosis."

"Well," Jamie said thoughtfully, "she swears she's not slacking off, and it is a pretty subtle difference, but she's not as ravenous as she used to be. She's ready to go if I make any overtures at all, but she used to be like a pot on a simmer."

Mia nodded. "That does sound like me. But you look as good if not better than you did six months ago, so it's clearly not that. What does she say when you ask her?" She giggled. "And don't say you haven't asked her. You two can't let anything fester."

Looking wounded, Jamie said, "Of course I asked her. She said she's never been in a relationship where she could relax and be herself."

"And being herself means being less…ravenous?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"I hate to say it, James, but there's a chance she's being honest. The girl was like a wild mustang before she met you. Don't you think you change once somebody gets a saddle and bridle on you?"

"But I don't want her to change." Jamie tried not to pout.

"I'm not sure your vote counts. She might just be trying to adjust to life in the stable."

"It wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't want her to always make the first move. But that's what really turns me on."

"I'm not like that, but I could see how that would be hard to finesse." She was quiet for a few seconds. "How to get her to always make the first move, while secretly directing her to do your bidding…" Mia tapped her chin with her finger a few times. "That's a tough one, one that women have been wrestling with since Adam didn't realize Eve had a kinky side that only the damn snake knew about."

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When Jordan and Ryan got home, their girlfriends were waiting for them-relaxed, rejuvenated, and smelling sweet. After they were properly greeted, Mia said, "We're going out to dinner girls. You have half an hour to get ready."

Jordan looked at Ryan and said, "I get to shower first." She dashed for the bathroom, chuckling to herself.

Mia shook her head. "You'd think you'd be quicker at that, having grown up with three brothers."

Ryan sat down next to Jamie, looking a little abashed. "I've always been slow."

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A long search on the Internet led them to try a thai place that had gotten very good reviews. After ordering, Mia said, "This was a really good idea. There were twenty things Jordy could have had. We're going to have to go out more often." She made a face. "If I could get a job, we could go out all the time."

"By the time you get through the application process, you'll be gone," Ryan said. "I think you'll have to put your job-hunting on hold until after the Olympics."

Mia rolled her eyes. "I never thought I'd be complaining about not working, but it's really boring."

Jamie reached over and tried to put her hand over Mia's mouth. "Don't tell Ryan that. She hasn't figured that out yet."

"I'm not getting paid," Ryan admitted, "but I've done more than my share of work on the apartment building."

Jamie smiled sweetly. "She's doing my share, too. I'm only trained to set tile, and we're a long, long way away from that."

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The U.S. team was playing the German national team the next evening, and the coach had allowed them the rare indulgence of not having to show up until an hour and a half before the game. After dinner found them back at the apartment, with Jordan lying down on the sofa, her head in Mia's lap. She was trying to stay awake, but it was clearly difficult for her.

"If you two could see how hard Jordan works," Ryan said, "you'd be amazed. It doesn't make sense that their coaches are trying to kill them less than two months before the Olympics, but that's the only thing I can figure."

"Makes us stronger," Jordan mumbled.

Mia put a hand on the side of her lover's face and patted her gently. "You're strong enough." Jordan gave her a half smile and was asleep in moments. Mia continued to stroke her, keeping her hand moving as she talked. "Did you notice that my Jordy is the only one who is all skin and muscle?"

"Yeah, I did. That girl from Stanford looks just the same as she did in college. Sweet," she said grinning. "Jordan says the nutritionist worked with each of them to figure out what type of body they had and how to maximize its potential."

"And they decided they needed a stick figure?" Mia retorted crossly.

"No. Jordan's not very muscular. They wanted her to be as light as she could be so she can jump higher. I know she's not enjoying it, but her vertical leap is much better than it was at Cal. >From what I saw, she's the best jumper on the team."

"I hope it pays off for her, because my girl has really suffered." She stroked Jordan's side possessively.

"It hardly seems fair. Jordan is pale and skinny and you look absolutely fantastic." Ryan looked Mia up and down, leering, and Mia tossed her hair, letting her curls bounce. Smiling slyly, Ryan said, "Beautiful hair, nice tan, perfect weight. You oughta stop time, 'cause you can't get any better lookin'."

Mia slapped at her, leaving a hand print on her leg. "It's about time you noticed," she huffed.

Ryan leaned over and put her chin on Mia's shoulder, in much the way Duffy did when he wanted someone's sandwich. "Who wouldn't notice you?"

"Jamie, your girlfriend is hitting on me." Mia giggled as she pushed Ryan's face away.

"I don't mind. It's all in the family. If we all live together, I figure we'll get around to swapping one of these days."

Ryan sat up and straightened her hair. "Yeah, that sounds like us. Anything goes."

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They went to bed at nine, ridiculously early from Jamie's perspective, but Mia and Jordan had been getting up at five for months, and staying up until nine was actually a little late for them.

Ryan was already in bed when Jamie came out of the bathroom. She went to her bag and found the pajamas she'd brought. Ryan watched her put on the pale green camisole-style top and satiny boy-cut panties. "You brought that to wear around other people?"

Jamie turned and gave Ryan a perfectly innocent look. "I knew what the setup was. I just wanted to have something on in case Jordan had to come running through here at some point. Mia has seen me in far less," she said, chuckling.

"Still," Ryan looked her up and down, "that's more like lingerie."

"Huh." Jamie looked down at herself and noticed her hard nipples poking against the filmy fabric. "I guess it is." She walked over to the sofa bed and bent down to give Ryan a quick kiss. "I'm gonna stay up and read a while."

Ryan patted the bed. "There's a lamp right there. You can lie next to me."

"The chair's more comfortable. I'll come to bed pretty soon."

Jamie crossed the room and sat sideways on the chair, draping her legs over one arm.

The room was completely quiet for a few minutes until Ryan's fully awake voice said, "Do you have to kick your legs like that?"

"You can hear that?"

"No. I can see it."

Smiling, Jamie said, "I have a solution. Close your eyes."

"No, I can't afford to."

"Want to clue me in on what you have going on? Do you have to be somewhere in the next few minutes?"

Grinning at Jamie, Ryan said, "I'm really beat. If I close my eyes, I'll fall asleep."

"Isn't that the general idea?"

"Not when you're lolling around in that outfit." She smacked her lips. "I've gotta have me some of that."

Jamie innocently pointed at herself. "Of this?"

"Yep. You look good enough to eat."

Wrinkling up her nose, Jamie said, "Kinda crass, but I'll take it as a compliment."

"You definitely should. Everything I said about Mia goes double for you."

"I appreciate that, baby, but I don't think I'm comfortable having sex out here in the open."

"They've got a door." Ryan sat up and pointed, as though Jamie couldn't see it for herself.

"I know, but the bathroom's out here. I don't want to be in the middle of having fun and have one of them come out to use it."

Scowling, Ryan lay down. "Next time, will you wear something that covers you up a little more? That's just brutal."

"Yes, dear," Jamie said, grinning happily. "I'll try to look worse in the future."

"That's all I ask. Just a little humanitarian aid."

Ryan closed her eyes and Jamie sat in the chair, gazing at her for a few minutes. Maybe Ryan was more like Mia than Jamie had guessed. If she needed sexy lingerie to keep her on a low boil Jamie was definitely up to the challenge. No one loved wearing nice lingerie more than she did, and if Ryan got hot looking at it everyone would be happy.

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The four friends spent the next day lying around a nice outdoor pool, chatting and playing in the water. Jordan was either eating or sleeping much of the day, and by the time she was ready to go to practice, she looked more like herself. Her color was better, she looked well rested, and she had a little fire in her eyes. Mia drove her over to the gym since the rest of them had another hour to kill before they had to leave. As soon as the door closed Ryan was right next to Jamie, saying, "She's gonna be gone for half an hour. Wanna do it?"

Jamie looked up at her, blinking. "Did I miss something?"

"Yeah. You missed having a really good time with me last night."

Putting her hand on Ryan's belly, Jamie said, "Ahh, that's right. And you want to make up for that missed opportunity by jumping on me without any warning?"

"You've been warned." Ryan leaned over and put her hands on both arms of the chair Jamie was sitting on. "Come on," she purred. "I can make it worth your while."

Jamie stroked her face gently. "I'm sure you can, but I don't know if I can get going that quickly."

"Sure you can." Ryan leaned over and tried to place a kiss on Jamie's mouth, but the mouth moved just enough to have the kiss land on a cheek.

"Don't be disappointed, but I'm not in the mood for fast and furious tonight. You should have told me earlier so I could have been fantasizing about you."

Ryan stood up, looking a little surprised. "Are you really saying no?"

"I'm not saying no, I'm saying not this minute."

"That's the same as no."

"Uhm…then guess I'm saying no."

Ryan dropped down into a squat. "You never say no," she whined.

Jamie touched her tenderly, stroking her cheeks and sweeping her hair off her shoulders. "I don't want to say no, but this isn't an ideal situation. I can't relax knowing that Mia could come back and catch us."

"She's caught us before," Ryan said, a hopeful note in her voice.

"I know. And neither of us liked it."

"We could go into the bathroom and lock the door."

"Honey," Jamie soothed, "it sounds like you really need a release. Why don't you go into Mia's room and have yourself, as you say it. I'll tell her you're taking a quick nap."

Shaking her head, Ryan stood up. "I don't want quick release; I want you."

"Technically you want me and a quick release."

"Yeah, I suppose that's true. But we're gonna be here for two more days. Are you really saying I've gotta wait that long?"

"We both do." Jamie got up from her chair and put her arms around Ryan, then she tilted her head and kissed Ryan tenderly. "We can let our desire build up and really rock the house when we get home."

"We'd better go to Pebble Beach." Ryan put her arms around Jamie and kissed her like she was leaving for a year. When she pulled away, they were both flushed and slightly out of breath. "The neighbors are much farther away there."

Jamie watched as her partner went into the kitchen. Maybe a combination of sexy underwear and occasional denial was the key. She was more than willing to try whatever it took to get this eager, hungry Ryan back on a regular basis.

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They went over to the gym a little early to show Jamie the facilities. She was suitably impressed, and they poked around the campus, with Jamie commenting, "It's like a nice university where everyone is an athlete."

"Yeah," Mia agreed. "I would have gone to class a lot more if the people in my classes had looked like this."

Jamie tugged on a lock of Mia's hair. "I thought you didn't look anymore."

"I'm talking about the past. If people had looked like this before I met Jordy, I'd have taken extra classes. Now? I don't notice a thing."

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They sat in the stands at the crowded gym, Mia and Jamie prattling away while Ryan watched every point like she might be called on to save it.

"Hey, I forgot to tell you who wants Jordan to pose for them," Mia said during the first game, which the USA was winning handily.

"Who?"

Mia's eyebrows waggled up and down. "Playboy."

"What?"

Jamie's voice was so loud, it pulled Ryan from her trance. "What?"

"They asked Jordan to pose for Playboy," Jamie said.

Ryan frowned briefly. "Naked?"

"Yeah," Mia agreed, "but they wouldn't show her va-jay-jay."

"Nice." Ryan went back to watching the game, flinching when any U.S. player missed a return.

"Are you cool with that?" Jamie asked.

"Sure. Why not?"

"Mmm, I don't think I'd like Ryan to do it. That's a little too objectifying for me. I'm the only one who gets to objectify her like that," she said, smiling.

"Aw, it doesn't bother me. I'm not sure she's gonna do it, though. She's sick of modeling."

"Then why do it?"

"They won't say this publicly, but the federation wants her to do it. Any publicity for volleyball is good."

"Still…" Jamie trailed off. "She wants to be an architect, not a volleyball player. Doing something like that could hurt her in the future."

"Or get her an interview anywhere there are guys," Mia said, smirking.

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In bed that night, Jamie played with Ryan's hair while they talked quietly. "I don't think Jordan should do Playboy," Ryan said. "That's how people would refer to her for the rest of her life."

"You have a point. Mia says it'll get her an interview anywhere, and she's probably right, but at what cost?"

"Who else is doing it?"

"A woman who does the high jump, a pole vaulter, a swimmer, and somebody else. No one I've ever heard of."

Ryan shook her head, pulling a large hank of hair from Jamie's grasp. "I wouldn't do it. I hope Jordy asks me my opinion."

"You won't say anything if she doesn't?"

"Nope. It's only my business if she asks me."

"Hmm. I was just thinking and I think I'd like a photo shoot of you. Would you pose for me?"

"For you? Of course. I wouldn't want to do it for another photographer, though. I don't think I could relax."

"Cool. Let's see about renting equipment again and doing it."

"Will you pose for me?"

"Uhm…sure. I'd feel weird, but you could calm me down."

"You know…" Ryan flipped onto her side and slid up to lie next to Jamie. She got very close and whispered into her ear, "It would be pretty cool to have everybody see how smokin' hot you are and know I'm the only one who gets to touch you."

Jamie turned and saw the sparkle in Ryan's eyes. "That's all true. Only you will ever touch me that way." She kissed Ryan briefly. "But not tonight."

* * *

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The next evening the foursome began their goodbyes long before the taxi was scheduled to pick them up. As they often did, Mia and Jamie drifted in one direction, Jordan and Ryan in another.

"You looked great last night," Ryan said, repeating her congratulations on the win. "Just keep doing what you're doing."

Looking a little embarrassed, Jordan nodded. "I know I'm playing well. If the only thing they go on is who's peaking-I'm in."

Ryan clapped her on the back. "Good for you. You're sharper than the veterans. That should count."

"I don't think it will. I'm afraid I'm gonna be the last cut. I think he'll keep three vets and the Wonderkid from Stanford."

"You can't know what he's thinking, but it's possible he'll go with experience. And you've got more experience than the kid from Stanford."

"Yeah, but she's got all the press. That matters too. It's not just about the sport."

"It never is," Ryan agreed glumly.

* * *

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On the flight home, Jamie rested her head against Ryan's shoulder and tried to sleep. She was almost out when she remembered something. "Oh, I forgot to tell you: I wrote Mia a check to pay for her to go to that tournament in Asia."

Ryan jumped so abruptly that Jamie's head bounced and hit fairly hard when it landed back on Ryan's shoulder. "Sorry!" Ryan whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"I told Jordan I'd pay to send Mia. That's the first time I've ever offered to pay for something that huge and now I don't have to." She looked painfully disappointed.

Rubbing the sore spot on her head, Jamie said, "You pay Jordan; I'll tell Mia to use the check to go out to dinner and do something fun before they leave. I want her to have some good memories of this year."

"Okay. But it's not the same." She still looked put out.

"We're gonna be home tonight," Jamie reminded her. "Guess what we get to do."

Ryan's smile was full and bright. "Right, right. I'm gonna start fantasizing right now to save time. I can't wait."

Jamie held Ryan's hand and put her head back down. Everything was right in her world.

* * *

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They gotten home from Colorado around midnight, and the next morning the phone rang at eight, with Martin telling them to get going on making potato salad. The whole extended clan was gathering in Golden Gate Park for Ryan's Aunt Deirdre's fiftieth birthday party, and Martin couldn't stop his micromanaging, even though they'd shown their competence in making potato salad for a crowd.

When Ryan hung up, she seemed a little grouchy. "My father says the potatoes won't boil themselves."

"There's no rush," Jamie said. She curled around Ryan's body and closed her eyes.

"He's upstairs."

"Oh fuck. We've gotta change that lock."

* * *

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Hours later, Jamie was helping Francis tend one of four barbecues, while Catherine and Maeve instructed Jennie in the art of laying out a buffet for nearly a hundred guests. Ryan stood on the edge of the softball field, talking on her cell phone, while her brothers and cousins yelled at her to hang up and get behind the plate. "I'm coming," she growled, hanging up. She glared at Brendan, who was standing at the plate waiting to bat. "I was on the phone for two friggin' minutes."

Brendan didn't respond, he just made eye contact with Maggie, who was next up. She shrugged her shoulders, indicating her puzzlement about Ryan's obviously bad mood.

Ryan called out to Declan, who was pitching, "Let's go! Everybody was in such a damned hurry when I was on the phone. Look alive!"

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When the game was over, Ryan walked over to Jamie, who was lying on a blanket reading a book. Caitlin was lying right next to her, curled up and sound asleep. With a gentle smile, Ryan folded her legs under herself and sat down gracefully.

"I can't resist a couple of pretty girls." Her smile was brief and she said, "Why didn't you tell me you saw Ally the other day?"

Jamie blinked, then nodded. "I forgot."

Ryan didn't say a word. She just continued to stare.

"I was walking down Market and she was on her way to the gym. We crossed paths." After a silent beat, Jamie added, "What's got you in such a mood?"

"I'd like to know when you've extended invitations to people. I hate being caught out of the loop."

"Loop? There's a loop?" Jamie was clearly not aware of what she'd done to annoy Ryan.

"Yeah. There's a loop. You want to hang out with other people and you're obviously fixated on seeing Ally and Sara." Her eyes were like blue steel and her strained tone indicated that she was only keeping her voice quiet because of the baby.

Jamie sat up and stared right back at her. "You're angry about something, but it isn't anything I did. Why don't you do a little self-examination and come find me when you're in a better mood. I'm not going to let you ruin this party for me." With that, she stood up and strode away, leaving Ryan to watch the soundly sleeping baby.

* * *

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She wanted to run after Jamie, but that would have required asking someone else to keep an eye on Caitlin. That would have been easy to do, but she didn't want to explain herself to anyone, so she lay down on her side and watched the child as she slept. There was something so peaceful and restful about watching Caitlin's chest rise and fall that Ryan eventually put her arm around the infant and allowed her own eyes to close. For a long time she let her mind wander in that tranquil space between wakefulness and sleep, trying to get a read on her mood and her temper. A half hour later, when Caitlin began to stir, she picked her up and cuddled her, letting her wake slowly, as she preferred. Finally the girl opened her eyes wide and said, "May-me?"

"Jamie's around here someplace, punkin. Let's go find her, okay?"

* * *

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Their group was so large that it was spread out far beyond the space they'd been allocated. Ryan went to the four corners of the clique, asking if anyone had seen Jamie. Some of her Aunt Deirdre's people confirmed the last sighting, and said she had passed by quite a while earlier, heading for Lloyd Lake.

"She was trying to find a place to finish her book," Deirdre's brother said. "She's a pretty studious girl, isn't she?"

"Yeah, that's her," Ryan said, smiling. She put Caitlin on her shoulders and took off, telling the child, "She's also studiously avoiding me. I've been a bad girl, Cait. Can you say 'bad girl'?"

Caitlin slapped at Ryan's head, calling out, "Bad!" as they cantered down the path. The lake was only a quarter mile away, just far enough for Ryan to get winded by the addition of Caitlin's weight. She slowed down and scanned the small lake carefully, finally seeing her partner sitting on the stairs of a facsimile of a Greek facade. It was an odd piece of architecture, just plopped down by the pond, but the structure provided a bit of shade and Jamie had positioned herself to use the shade to shield her book. As she approached, Ryan called out, "Are you speaking to us?"

Jamie looked up and smiled broadly at Caitlin. "I'm always happy to see my favorite woman." She held her hands out and Caitlin started to squeal and fight to get down. Ryan put her on the ground and she ran in her halting way and tumbled into Jamie's arms as if she hadn't seen her in months. Jamie swept her up and put her in her lap, kissing her golden hair and pink cheeks.

"Are you my favorite woman?" she cooed. "Or is that big baby behind you my favorite?" She finally looked at Ryan. "Are you still being a baby, or have you come to your senses?"

"Senses." Ryan sat down and put her elbows on her knees, then dropped her head into her hands. "I'm sorry."

Jamie reached out and scratched her back. "S'okay. What's got you cranky?"

"Ally called while we were playing softball. She wants to know if we want to go out to a club tonight? You wanna?"

"Of course not."

Ryan turned quickly. "Why not? It was your idea."

"No, it wasn't. Ally asked if we'd like to do something. I said I'd love to. But not if you're gonna throw a fit at the mere idea." She braced her head on her hand. "You know, you don't always have to do what other people want you to do. It's okay to be selfish sometimes, especially about something that really bothers you."

"It shouldn't bother me," she grumbled.

"Don't be silly. You had very close, but very different relationships with these women, and if being around them upsets you, you should cut bait. You don't even have to explain. Just say 'no' a few times and they'll stop asking."

Ryan sighed and let her head drop. "I want to have a relationship with both of them…" She trailed off weakly.

"Does it bother you to see them together?"

Broad shoulders moved up and down. "I dunno."

"What about seeing them singly? You seemed to like being able to go talk to Sara a few

weeks ago." "I did. Ryan let out another dramatic sigh, one so filled with feeling that Jamie hid her smile behind Caitlin's head so Ryan wouldn't see her. "I think we should go out together. I'll see how much it bothers me-then I'll have a better

idea about whether to see them again or not."

"Okay," Jamie said, a concerned expression on her face. "What are we going to do?"

"Ally wants to go out to a club. I'll try to make sure it's some place where we can talk."

Caitlin had reached the end of her bonding period and climbed out of Jamie's embrace, heading right for the water. Ryan jumped to her feet and ran after her, catching her just before she walked right in.

"I'm having the children," Jamie called. "That baby only shares twenty-five percent of your genes and even that's too many!"

* * *

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Conor was still car-sitting for Jim's Range Rover, and without too much trouble, Ryan convinced him to give them a ride to SOMA. He and Kieran decided that the car could be instrumental in helping them to procure dates at one of the clubs. After reminding Conor that he promised to come get them if they needed a ride, they said their goodbyes.

Even though their anniversary had passed, Jamie reminded her partner that they'd not gone dancing since they'd become lovers. "You took me to bars when I couldn't have you," she teased. "That was so backwards! You'd get me all hot and bothered and then just take me home."

"Well, tonight I still get to take you home," Ryan smiled, "but I get to stay with you. Much better arrangement all around."

"My first time at a gay club, I'm excited."

"This place isn't exclusively gay. It's actually a funny mix, but I thought it would be a place where we could talk and dance and even sing."

"Sing? It's a karaoke place?"

"No, not that kind of singing. I'm telling you, it's an odd mix."

As soon as they went inside, Jamie thought that Ryan had chosen the wrong kind of place. They were in the middle of a fairly typical bar, with lots of good-looking, young gay men. The music was loud, and the place was dark, not the kind of environment for conversation. But Ryan placed a hand on her back and urged her to continue walking, guiding her into a much roomier, brighter, quieter area in the back of the building. There were a number of tables and sofas scattered around, and Ryan immediately spotted Ally and Sara seated on a sofa in the rear corner of the room. They walked over and greeted their friends, kissing each before they sat down on the sofa that Ally had pulled over and placed at a right angle to the one on which she and Sara lounged.

"I'll go get drinks for us," Ryan said, not even waiting for Jamie to respond. As she backed away, she said, "Refills?" to Ally and Sara. Ally held up her glass of what looked like sparkling water and lime, and Sara shook her head.

Still searching for a drink she could sip that wouldn't have quite the kick of Irish whiskey, she decided on Cosmopolitans. "Well, aren't you an adult tonight?" Jamie teased as Ryan handed her the drink.

"Just fits with the atmosphere," Ryan said, and moments later her comment became more understandable. A man in a tuxedo took a seat at the piano and began to play, running through a variety of show tunes until someone called out a favorite. He launched into "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No" to the delight of the audience, many of whom knew the words and sang along.

"Jesus, this is a gay man's version of heaven!" Jamie laughed. "Good looking guys, strong drinks, and show tunes!"

They spent a long while just observing the crowd and occasionally singing along. The music made the women lean close to each other to converse. Jamie was trying to say something to Ally, and she finally had to go sit on the arm of her sofa to be heard.

Sara took the opportunity to do the same to Ryan's. "So, how are you holding up? You're both looking well. Are you making progress with the money issue?"

"Kinda." Ryan shrugged. "It's gonna take a while to get used to each other's habits. This relationship thing isn't as easy as it looks."

"True enough."

Ryan looked up at her. "You've got a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile. What's going on with you?"

It was dark, but not dark enough to hide the blush that crept up Sara's cheeks. "Nothing. We're just getting along really well. You've got six months on us; we still think this is all fun and games."

"Ahh."

Ryan's stomach did a flip, but she forced herself to acknowledge the feelings behind the discomfort. Two women she was interested in, probably loved, had rejected her, and she was never going to like it. But Jamie was the right woman for her and letting old jealous feelings creep up on her was just childish.

"We're still having a lot of fun," Ryan said with a smile, "so don't be scared off."

Sara moved to sit next to Ryan. "Did I ever tell you that Jack Townsend is in my department?"

Ryan leaned back, the familiar name adding to her unease. "How is old Jack?"

"Ooo." Sara chuckled. "Jealous?"

Smiling slightly, Ryan shook her head. "Not much. I didn't meet him under the best of circumstances."

Tentatively, Sara said, "Were you and Jamie…while they were still together?"

"No!" Ryan said, loud enough for both Ally and Jamie to look in her direction. She shrugged her shoulders. "No," she said, this time much more quietly. "But Jamie was trying to figure herself out, and I think he thought I was pushing her in my direction." She pushed her hair back over her shoulder, an old habit that she used to give herself a second to think. "I would have thought the same thing if I was in his position, so I should cut him a break."

"He's a nice guy. I think you'd like him."

"He might be nice, but he must also be as dense as a rock to let Jamie get away." She shook her head quickly. "But maybe he couldn't stop her from leaving."

"Hard to say," Sara said thoughtfully. "You've got to be strong to go against the grain. Jamie must have really loved you to break off an engagement to a guy like Jack." She gave Ryan a sad smile and held her gaze for just a moment. Just then Ally reached over and grasped her hand, and Ryan spent just a second trying to suppress the tendril of jealousy that she felt when she saw it.

"You look like you need another sparkling water," Sara said as she eyed Ally's empty glass. "Be right back."

Jamie got up when Sara did. "I need to visit the rest room. Be back in a few."

Jamie took off, and, as was her habit, Ryan watched to make sure she made it to her destination. Sara was dawdling, trying to find some bills in her small purse. When she left the table, two pairs of eyes followed her, both taking in her camel-colored angora turtleneck and brown, cream, and wine-colored paisley-patterned slacks. Ally stopped surveying before Ryan did and when the blue eyes turned back to meet Ally's gaze, Ryan realized what she had been doing.

"Is this gonna work?" Ally asked softly, putting an arm around Ryan and hugging her.

Ryan sighed heavily. "I think it can." She looked at Ally helplessly. "I'd watch you walk away too. I was very, very attracted to both of you, and it's gonna take a while to remind my body that we don't go there anymore."

"I understand that, and it doesn't bother me, but is it worth it?"

"I meant it a few months ago when I told you that I love you both. I think I'm just a little jealous…of both of you." She frowned. "I'm jealous of you for having her and I'm jealous of her for having you. It's fucked up!"

Ryan looked adorably confused and slightly embarrassed. Ally gazed at her friend for a few moments, then stood and extended her hand. "Dance with me," she said quietly.

Surprised by the invitation, Ryan nonetheless got up and took Ally's hand. When they reached the dance floor, Ally slipped an arm around her in a very familiar fashion. They had danced together on many occasions, although all of them had been at Ally's apartment. The touch was so evocative of their many couplings that Ryan started to get lost in the memories. She had to consciously remind herself that they were not now, nor would they ever again, be lovers. She forcefully distanced herself from the sensuality of the experience and just enjoyed the easy familiarity they had with each other, feeling her mood lighten as she did so.

The next song began, the beat lively and quick. "Not for me," Ally said decisively, leading Ryan back to the back room. "If I can't touch a woman, I don't see the sense in dancing." She gave Ryan her most wolfish smile, which always made Ryan giggle.

Ryan caught Jamie's gaze and twitched her head, indicating the small dance floor by the piano. Jamie immediately got up to join her.

The pianist was playing a medley of love songs, and Jamie melted into her partner's strong, sure embrace. "God, you dance well," she murmured, feeling Ryan lead her body effortlessly around the space.

"Lots of practice in Ireland," Ryan said with a chuckle. "Granny had us dancing when we were just tykes. Aisling and I were always in demand at the church socials."

"I think that's so cute," Jamie said, snuggling closer. "How're you doing? Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty relaxed. It didn't even bother me much to dance with Ally."

"Did you two go dancing often?"

"Mmm…yeah, we danced together a lot," Ryan said, leaving it at that.

"Who led?" the teasing voice asked.

"Ha ha." Ryan clutched Jamie tighter, spun her around forcefully and dipped her, lowering her so far that Jamie's head went past horizontal. Ryan pulled her back into her arms and whispered hotly into her ear, "My days of being a frail little bottom are over. It's all top, all the time."

Jamie laughed, but didn't respond, letting Ryan have whatever illusions she cared to keep.

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Sara had danced with both Ally and Jamie, and she finally got around to taking a turn with Ryan. As they moved together, she tilted her lips so they were close to Ryan's ear. "I'm in love."

Ryan didn't answer immediately. She let her body move to the slow beat of the music, Sara moving with her, following her lead seamlessly. "I had a feeling." Ryan moved back a few inches and flashed a smile.

"Are you cool with that?"

"Want the truth?"

Sara stiffened noticeably. "Yes, I do."

"I really try to be mature, Sara. I try to make the adult choices and decisions, because I know they're the right way for me to live. But every once in a while, I want to be like a threeyear-old and get what I want. I feel a little like that about you and Ally."

"Explain how you mean that. I don't think I get it."

"It's like when I used to visit Aisling. She and I were together constantly during the summer, and we had a marvelous time together. But when I'd come home, she'd write to me about what she was doing, and I'd always get jealous. I wasn't there…I couldn't play with her…but it still bothered me that someone else was filling my role. I was the one who should be playing with Aisling-no one else!"

"And I'm Aisling?"

"You both are. I want both of you to stay single so I never have to confront my feelings of jealousy." She drew Sara closer, placing her hand low on her back to pull her in. Inclining her head towards her friend's she said softly, "It's immature and selfish, and it's not how I want to feel, but at the moment I want each of you all to myself, even though I'm completely satisfied with and permanently committed to Jamie."

Sara sighed and wrapped her arm tighter around Ryan's torso. "I understand the feeling," she admitted. "It's still hard for me to see you with Jamie, even though I know we can't be together."

Ryan leaned back in Sara's embrace. "It's going to be hard to get through this transition, but I want you in my life and I want you to be happy. That's what matters."

"Thanks," Sara said softly, nestling her head against Ryan's neck. "I appreciate that you're honest with me."

"It's the only way we'll get through this. It's not going to be easy, but I think it's worth the discomfort to have you as my friend."

"Being your friend is worth everything I have," Sara said, hugging Ryan tenderly as the song finished.

* * *

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Ryan took a turn standing in line for drinks, and she had just carefully balanced the four bottles of water when the bartender delivered another Cosmopolitan. "Compliments of the lady at the end of the bar," he said.

Scanning the crowd, Ryan spotted a woman she had gone out with a few times while she was attending USF. Name…name…name…she thought as she tilted her head and smiled. She held up a finger to indicate she'd be over to chat and turned to deliver the water, when it was taken from her by her partner.

"Don't you have to go thank someone for the drink?" Jamie asked, her voice betraying no emotion at all.

Ryan grimaced slightly. "I can't remember her name. It was a nice name, very attractive and a little unusual…" She shook her head. "It's just not coming to me."

"Want me to handle it for you?" Jamie cocked her head in question. "I'll tell her that you're not allowed to come out and play any longer."

"Thanks," Ryan grinned. "I appreciate the offer, but I think I'll handle it myself." She started to walk away, but turned and grasped her partner's shoulder. "Is it okay if I talk to her myself? I mean, if you want to go with me…"

Jamie touched the tip of her nose. "Of course it's okay. I don't really get much pleasure out of seeing you with women you used to date, but go be polite."

Ryan blinked at her and said, "We're with the two women who meant the most to me. Doesn't that bother you?"

Smiling again, Jamie said, "No, not really. It's the ones whose names you don't recall that bother me." She shrugged. "Just one of my quirks."

Giving her a sad smile, Ryan nodded. "I'll just be a few." She walked down the bar, holding the drink in her hand. As she approached, the name came to her and she said, "Hi, Darian. It's been a long time. Thanks for the drink."

"I'd ask how you've been, but I think I know. Jamie's much prettier in person than that picture the TV news kept running of her after your…event."

"That was her high school graduation picture. Some jerk from her high school obviously sold their yearbook to some media outlet."

Darian placed a warm hand on Ryan's arm. Her lips curled into a gentle smile, and Ryan remembered their time together as being particularly enjoyable.

"How are you, really? I've thought about you a lot since Christmas but I didn't want to call." She made a vague gesture with her hand. "I wasn't sure you'd even remember me."

"Of course I do," Ryan lied. "I'm doing well. I don't think I could have gotten through it all without Jamie. It took me a while to figure it out, but having a partner makes life so much better."

"Partner, like life partner?" Darian gaped. "Really? I mean, I knew you two were together…"

"Yep." Ryan lifted her drink and took a sip, the soft lights of the bar catching fire in her ring and nearly blinding Darian.

"Wow," she said as she grasped Ryan's hand and took a long look at her ring. "Is this from her?"

"Yes. We're engaged," she said with an attractive blush stealing up her cheeks.

"I didn't think you were the type," Darian said, shaking her head in surprise. "I guess I should have hung in a little longer, huh?"

A wide smile settled onto Ryan's face as she recalled that she hadn't stopped seeing Darian, Darian had stopped seeing her, deciding that she wanted a relationship rather than casual sex.

"You never know," Ryan agreed. "I didn't think I was the type to get serious, but Jamie's convinced me otherwise. How are things going for you? Did you graduate?"

"Yeah. I just got accepted to the MBA program at USF. Got a few more years of school ahead of me. How about you?"

"We're both going to take the year off." Ryan smiled warmly, feeling a strange glow of satisfaction when she stated this fact. "I wanted to keep going, but Jamie convinced me that we've had too much stress this year. After we're a little more centered, we'll make some decisions about the future."

"I always thought you'd wind up being a doctor," Darian mused. With a playful grin, she added, "You'd be the world's best gynecologist."

Ryan chuckled. "You never know, but that's not how I'm leaning. Actually, I shouldn't say that. All of my options are still open at this point." She smiled wryly and added, "Except for the fire department's swift-water rescue squad. After jumping into the Bay, I've decided that isn't for me."

"I remember you talking about how much you wanted to be a firefighter," Darian said fondly.

"Yeah. But we've decided that I probably wouldn't live to get my pension. Being in love changes how you feel about things like that. Now I don't need to seek thrills all of the time."

"For someone that's not looking for thrills, you're doing pretty well at finding them."

"This is true." Ryan smiled. "Thanks again for the drink, Darian. It's good to see you, and feel free to call if I'm ever in the papers again." She looked up and folded her hands towards the heavens. "Please God, no."

Darian laughed. "You'd better get back before your girlfriend comes looking for you."

"Oh, she knows where I am. She sees all."

"Does it bother you to have someone supervising you? You were practically phobic about your independence.

"She doesn't supervise me," Ryan said, beaming a grin. "She just loves me."

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"Cute woman," Jamie said when her partner sat down next to her.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed. "Very cute. Nice, too. Smart, fun to be around, good sense of humor. Kinda wry."

"Why'd you stop seeing her?"

"Didn't. She stopped seeing me."

Jamie laughed. "That's a switch!"

"I've told you many times that I got shot down every once in a while. Darian was more mature than I was. I think she thought I was a little juvenile in my habits."

Jamie's eyebrows popped up and down as she decided, "I think you're pretty darned mature now. What happened?"

"You happened," Ryan said, her eyes losing their playful look and becoming focused and intent. "You helped me see that just being sexual with people was immature. Now that I have real intimacy with you, all of those other hookups seem so superficial. They were a waste of my time, for the most part."

"Don't think of it like that. Those experiences were part of your growing up. They served their purpose." A seductive fire started to burn in the clear blue eyes, and in seconds Jamie felt herself being drawn in.

"You're my only purpose now," Ryan said as she leaned in for a kiss.

Jamie expected a quick brush of lips, but she got much more. She could feel the power and passion start to build just under the surface of Ryan's placid demeanor, and felt her body quickly respond. Before she knew it, her arms were locked around Ryan's neck and her lips had parted, welcoming Ryan's warm tongue into her mouth.

When they finally parted, Jamie stared right at Ryan's luscious lips, unable to tear her focus from them. "This wasn't a good idea," she managed to get out. "We haven't had a chance to burn off anything that built up in Colorado."

"You were the one who fell asleep on me."

"You were the one who took a shower. I couldn't make myself stay awake that long, and I really, really tried." Jamie delivered one quick kiss. "I was ready this morning, but someone's father was not to be denied."

She put her arms around Ryan's neck, still looking at the beautiful lips, watching how lovely they looked when they moved. She couldn't resist; she had to kiss Ryan again. Their lips merged and soon Jamie was being held tightly as Ryan sucked and nibbled on her sensitive mouth.

After a while, Ryan pulled back took a deep breath, her face just an inch from Jamie's. Her blue eyes were unfocused but they burned with desire, causing a tightening in Jamie's gut.

Ryan's voice was husky and low when she said, "I'm about one kiss away from throwing you down on this couch and having you."

Jamie smirked inwardly, watching Ryan walk right into her trap. Saying no just a couple of times had sparked Ryan's libido, and no one was happier to see it than Jamie. She kissed her again and found herself once more pulled into Ryan's magnetic aura. They kissed as though they'd been apart for a year and were only able to see each other for a few minutes before being separated again.

They finally pulled apart slowly, with Ryan leaning in for one last quick kiss. She was almost panting when she said, "We need to leave now."

Ryan's breath was hot and moist as it caressed Jamie's cheek, and she impulsively pulled Ryan in for another long, torrid kiss. When she released her, Ryan's eyes were even more unfocused, her mouth slightly open.

"Leave," Ryan said again, insistently, her eyes not straying from Jamie's mouth.

"We can't leave while Sara and Ally are dancing in the other room. Much as I don't want to be, we have to be polite."

"Then you'd better dance with me. God knows what I'll do to you on this couch if you kiss me again."

The pianist in their section was playing yet another romantic ballad. Jamie decided that rubbing up against Ryan's sexy body wasn't a good idea right then, so she led her to the bar area, where the beat was fast and furious.

Ryan was apparently trying to save a few minutes later in the evening, since she chose to begin their foreplay on the dance floor. The music pounded away in a quick, pulsating rhythm, but Ryan chose to dance in half time, swaying her sexy hips as she stared at her partner with unconcealed lust. She reached out and Jamie slid into her embrace. They held each other by the hips, feeling each gentle, rolling movement of the other's body.

As the song continued, they drew closer and closer together until Jamie could feel Ryan's thigh press insistently between her legs. With wide eyes she pushed Ryan away, shaking her head fiercely.

Understanding that Jamie's actions were a sign of embarrassment, not rejection, Ryan smiled and gently turned her lover around, pressing up against her back instead.

Ryan's long left arm tucked around Jamie's waist, pulling her tight against her body as she let the music take them away. The weight of Ryan's breasts pushed against Jamie's back and her hips ground into Jamie's ass, quickly escalating Jamie's arousal higher than it had been all night. Without conscious thought, Jamie's hands slid behind her partner and grasped her firm cheeks, pulling her in tight.

A strangled moan issued from Ryan's throat as she felt her partner clutch at her, and she dropped her head and bit down gently on the smooth column of pale skin that glistened with the evidence of their exertion.

"Whoa!" Shaking her head roughly, Jamie grasped her partner's hands and pulled them from her waist. Turning in her embrace she gasped, "We're practically humping each other! We've got to go home."

"That's what I've been saying for half an hour. They're gonna turn the fire hose on us in a second."

Thankfully, when they returned to the back room after hurriedly straightening their clothes, Sara and Ally were back in their seats. They said their goodbyes quickly, Ryan's full attention focused only on her partner.

As arranged, the BMW pulled up in front of the club fifteen minutes after Ryan placed the call to Conor. As she opened the rear door, Ryan was puzzled to find Kieran driving.

"Conor was circling for a kill," he informed his cousin. "After I drop you guys off, I'll swing by to see if he was successful."

"Did you guys have fun?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, I guess. The clubs down here are kinda weird- too loud to talk, too crowded to dance. I prefer the neighborhood joints myself. Conor seems to like them though."

"Conor's taste are very eclectic," Ryan decided, thinking that her brother liked any place that was filled with women susceptible to his charms.

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No one was home, including Duffy, who must have been overnighting at Maeve's, so Ryan was able to chase Jamie down the stairs, loudly calling out, "You're mine, Jamie Evans! All mine!"

As soon as she reached their room, Jamie leapt onto the bed and welcomed her partner to climb on top of her, saying, "You don't see me complaining, do you?"

"Not yet," Ryan agreed, "but the night is young."

Her eyes were glittering in the warm lamplight, and Jamie pulled her close to kiss her.Surprisingly, Ryan resisted, keeping her lips just out of reach of her lover's seeking mouth. Frustrated by the game, Jamie grasped Ryan's neck and tried to pull her down, but the powerful muscles in the large body tensed and held, giving Jamie no satisfaction.

"I told you earlier that I was a big, powerful top," Ryan purred. "What makes you think that's changed in the last hour?"

Jamie blinked up at her, a jolt of arousal hitting her hard.

"Sometimes I have this…drive," Ryan said softly, her eyes reflecting the gentleness of her voice. "A need to…express myself physically. I feel like that tonight. My whole body is thrumming with pent-up energy." She ran her hands over her partner's face, smoothing the fine blonde hair off her forehead. Placing gentle kisses all over Jamie's face, Ryan said, "Let me lead you."

Jamie nodded slowly, consenting to be taken wherever Ryan needed to go. The thought flashed through her mind that this was the Ryan that most of her previous lovers had known-decisive, determined, strong, and powerful. Completely in charge. But whatever face it wore, she could see the love and tenderness that bubbled up from her lover, and her body relaxed completely.

Ryan rolled off and got to her feet, then tugged Jamie up into a standing position. Sitting back on the edge of the bed, Ryan began to slowly undress her partner, pausing to run her large, warm hands over the skin that was unhurriedly revealed. "Mmm…nice," she growled, unable to contain the deep satisfaction she felt at touching Jamie's body so intimately.

Jamie was shivering, but Ryan knew it wasn't from the cold, as the room was quite warm. She knew that Jamie was just a little embarrassed to be exposed so slowly and determinedly. Ryan's eyes darkened with desire as her gaze lingered on the graceful, elegant curves that were revealed to her; and Jamie, watching, shivered again, blushing appealingly as she did so.

"Touch yourself for me," Ryan said softly, her eyes never leaving Jamie's. "Run your hands all over your body. Show me how it feels to feel your own fingers touching your skin. Come on," she said, her voice powerful and low. "Show me."

Swallowing against her discomfort, Jamie closed her eyes and obeyed Ryan's directions. Standing naked in front of her, she placed her shaking hands on her stomach and began to move them in opposite directions. One hand traveled up her abdomen, pausing to trace her well-defined muscles, while the other slid over her hip and skimmed up and down her thigh. Her skin felt silky smooth, except for the goosebumps that followed the trail of her fingertips, popping up as soon as her hand passed.

Jamie's eyes were closed, and though Ryan said not a word, her breathing was audible and slowly growing more rapid. When Jamie heard a swallow, she began to lose her nervousness and get into the game. Even though she was following Ryan's instructions, the power had shifted decisively; she realized that, for the moment, she was in charge.

Fingers skittering up her body, Jamie cupped and squeezed her breasts firmly, her low moan echoed with a matching one from her partner. Bringing her index finger to her lips, she licked the digit seductively, then circled the moist tip around each of her stiffening nipples, concurrently sending her hips into a slow grind.

Suddenly, her world was spinning, and she was thrown onto the bed, Ryan's ravenously hungry body plastered against her. Ryan was everywhere-kissing, touching, squeezing, and suckling on her tender flesh, her voracious mouth feeling like it was in three places at once.

Jamie grasped her partner's ass with both of her hands and pulled her in tightly against her need, shoving her hips roughly against Ryan's jean-clad thigh with a moan.

Ryan let her thrust for a few moments, nearly getting carried away herself. Pulling back from the edge, she showed an impressive display of determination as she wrenched her body from Jamie's grasp and knelt astride her spread thighs, using her powerful legs to gently, but firmly draw them together. She grasped her partner's wrists and pressed them together, pinning them above and to the left of Jamie's head. Eyes wild with desire, Ryan leaned over until they were nose-to-nose and growled, "You're mine!"

The blonde head nodded slowly, dutifully impressed with the speed and power that Ryan had summoned to cause her to submit. Even though she felt totally under Ryan's control, she felt not a flicker of fear. She had tried to push her partner, purposely trying to wrest control from her, and Ryan was only reminding her that they had a deal, and she was sticking to it.

Once Ryan was sure of Jamie's compliance, she got up and stripped quickly, leaving her clothing in a rumpled heap at the end of the bed. Staring at Jamie for just a second, she went to her closet and extracted the gym bag that housed her assortment of sex toys. Putting the bag on the edge of the bed, Ryan climbed on top of her lover again, her moist warmth leaving a trail across Jamie's belly as she slid across. Leaning over until she hovered just above Jamie's face, Ryan said hotly, "I'm going to love you…a lot."

Wide green eyes watched her carefully as Jamie nodded acceptance. Satisfied with the compliance, Ryan rolled off and started to love her again, pinning her hands with one powerful hand, just to make sure there was no further insurrection. When Ryan's wanderings required both of her hands she tucked Jamie's hands under her butt, effectively letting her own body weight hold them in place.

It didn't take long to ratchet Jamie's desire even higher, and soon Jamie was squirming continuously, fighting the overwhelming need to grasp Ryan's dark head and put it right where she needed it. Just when the need was beyond her ability to resist, Ryan kissed down her belly and began to lap at her throbbing, pulsing flesh. Jamie screamed out in pleasure, the extraordinary discipline it took to keep her hands pinned actually adding to her gratification.

Jamie felt the warm glow start at her toes and crawl up her body. Her entire being was suffused with the beginning thrums of satisfaction, but just as she was about to cry out, Ryan lifted her head and pushed down on Jamie's hips, forcing her hands to remain pinned.

"No!" Jamie cried in frustration as she tried to slither out of the hold, needing release immediately and not above providing it for herself.

The powerful body leaned over her, the determination not wavering a thread. "You're mine," Ryan reminded fiercely.

Taking a few deep, cleansing breaths, Jamie finally nodded, feeling some of the pounding energy drain away as she did so.

Now Ryan flipped Jamie onto her stomach, placing her hands under her thighs to secure them. This position elevated Jamie's ass just a couple of inches, but Ryan was delighted with the new angle. Grinning to herself in satisfaction, Ryan started at the back of her neck, supporting most of her own weight on her elbows and knees, kissing and nibbling on the smooth skin until Jamie's body began to move again. Dropping down to lie on top of Jamie, Ryan began to move with her, their sweat-slick flesh gliding smoothly against each other.

Feeling the pressure building in her own abdomen, Ryan grasped her partner by the hips and pulled her into herself, grinding her pelvis against Jamie's ass as she pumped against her. "Jesus, you feel so good!" she moaned as the sensations continued to build.

Feeling as if she was about to combust, Ryan released her grasp and rolled off again, lying on her back for a moment while she caught her breath. Jamie's desire-filled eyes gazed at her in a silent plea, her lips slightly open, inviting her lover's touch. Ryan fulfilled her request, snuggling close to kiss her tenderly, letting the passion build again until they were hungrily sucking each other's tongues. The dark head pulled away just as Jamie tried to extract her hand from beneath her thigh. Ryan didn't comment verbally, but her sly smile and slowly shaking head let Jamie know that the game continued and that her request had been denied.

Straddling her again, Ryan took up right where she had left off, slowly working her way down her partner's back. She spent a long time kissing and licking the tiny indentations just above the swell of Jamie's cheeks, being particularly fond of the little dimples that were normally hidden from view. Moving down slowly, she started to trace the signs of a tan that had begun in Colorado. She was both fascinated and fixated by the warm golden highlights that covered her partner's cheeks after wearing her revealing suit at the pool, and she reminded herself that travel had its rewards.

Ryan's heart started to beat faster as she fed more insistently, licking and sucking with abandon as she felt Jamie respond to her, matching her frenzy as she pushed against her.

"Please….please let me have just a little satisfaction," Jamie begged, her hips thrusting roughly.

"Soon," Ryan murmured, the word vibrating against the flushed flesh. Her teeth raked across the skin, leaving faint marks that disappeared instantly as the blood returned to the sensitized flesh. Jamie's hands were no longer pinned by her thighs; they were grasping handfuls of sheet to control herself as best she could. Her ass twitched and pushed against Ryan's hungry mouth as Ryan sucked loudly and grasped bucking hips to pull her close.

Dipping her head a bit, Ryan fixed her attention on the ultra-tender skin right at the base of the buttocks, one of Jamie's most ticklish spots. Today she was sensitized beyond ticklish. She moaned and growled as Ryan sucked and bit at the skin, her tongue sliding over the flesh again and again.

Wanting to, needing to go further, Ryan controlled herself, knowing that her partner would not be amenable to deeper exploration. Struggling for control, Ryan flopped onto her back and tried to rein in her impulses.

Jamie forced her eyes open to see the vaguely unfocused blue eyes gazing in her general direction. From the set of Ryan's body and the longing in her eyes, Jamie sensed that Ryan wanted more. Struggling with her conscience for just a moment, she knew that she wasn't willing to fulfill her partner's desire. She was uncomfortable having that part of her body explored, feeling that she needed some small zone of privacy-even from Ryan.

Jamie reached out and tenderly touched Ryan's cheek, the pink flesh warm to her touch. Ryan grasped her hand and kissed the palm, placing soft, moist kisses all over it. "I'm yours," Jamie said softly, sharing an emotion-filled smile with her lover.

"Forever," Ryan vowed as she began to kiss her again. Their tongues twined and touched gently, sliding into each other's mouths repeatedly. Jamie was still on her stomach and Ryan straddled her again, running her hands over the smooth back to calm her racing heart.

Jamie felt her partner's weight shift and heard some small noises, but she was almost oblivious by this point, nearly past the point of desire. Her body had been frustrated so many times that it had given up hope of satisfaction, seemingly content to allow Ryan to play it like a stringed instrument.

Ryan grasped Jamie by the hips and lifted her to her knees, gently pushing on her shoulders until she dropped down onto her elbows. Once again Ryan shifted down and started to kiss and nip at Jamie's cheeks, trying to bring her own arousal to yet another peak. It wasn't long before Ryan was moaning softly as she nuzzled against the firm softness, eventually pulling away with a loud smack.

Ryan's body draped over Jamie's back, holding onto her hips firmly as she ground against her again. Jamie felt something cool and smooth bump against her and she froze for just a second, unsure of what Ryan was planning.

Sensing Jamie's trepidation, Ryan ran her hands down the moist back, soothing her as she whispered, "I'm gonna come inside; just relax and let me in."

Ryan moved against her and Jamie felt a slick firmness at her entrance. She gasped when she felt the dildo poised to enter, but she took in a deep breath and tried to relax her muscles.

Her voice was thick, words almost slurred when Ryan murmured, "That's it, you're doing great. Open up for me. Just relax and open up."

As the smooth, firm cylinder slipped inside, Jamie grunted softly, reassured by the slow stroking of Ryan's hand rubbing her gently from her shoulder to her waist.

Ryan didn't move once she was inside, and after a few seconds, Jamie had stretched enough to comfortably accommodate what was inside her. The low moan that slipped from her lips this time was a sign of her pleasure, and Ryan took her cue, starting to move inside of Jamie, slowly drawing in and out, pulling out just a little and then slowly slipping back in to get her used to the sensation.

"Good. Feels good," Jamie murmured, her voice muffled by the mattress. Her right hand reached back and grasped Ryan's hip, pulling her in a little harder.

Responding to the overt signal, Ryan thrust deeper and more rhythmically, moving her hips in a smooth circle. Jamie's eyes rolled back in her head as the delightful intruder touched every sensitive spot deep inside her body. She had no idea how Ryan knew where every spot was, but Ryan clearly had an intimate knowledge of every nerve, and knew just how long, how hard, and how often to stimulate each one of them.

Jamie was riding along on a cloud of sensation, barely aware of her body or her position.Her whole world had narrowed down to a few sensitive inches of flesh, every nerve in her body feeling like it was centered between her legs.

She scarcely heard Ryan's breathing pick up again, was not aware of her own matching Ryan's rhythm. She did, however, feel the golden glow that started in her extremities and traveled slowly but relentlessly through her body, finally centering and growing as it settled deep within her. The pulsing began to thrum and beat inside of her body, quickly becoming so insistent that it overtook all of her senses simultaneously, blurring her vision and filling her ears with a strange white noise. Jamie wasn't sure how long the sensation filled her, but she slowly became aware of her entire body again, and realized that Ryan was collapsed partially on top of her, with something still wedged deep inside.

With a puzzled frown, Jamie realized that both of her hands were between her legs and she twitched a little to extract them. She was unsuccessful, due to Ryan's weight pressing down on her.

Ryan noticed her movement and slowly withdrew, slipping out of her so effortlessly that Jamie barely felt the loss. Ryan pulled her sweat-drenched body from Jamie's, tumbling heavily onto her back as she dropped the toy onto the floor.

Jamie did her best to roll over too, almost needing to ask for assistance, so weak was her body. She looked at her slick fingers in puzzlement, finally asking, "Did you give me permission to touch myself?"

"I'd like to see the person who could have stopped you." Ryan chuckled, the sound low and raspy. Turning her head, she made eye contact with her partner. "Have fun?"

Rolling her eyes dramatically, Jamie giggled softly. "You are the mistress of understatement." She patted Ryan's belly. "How about you? Did you…?"

"Have you gone deaf?" Ryan laughed languidly. "Thank God Conor's not home. He'd surely break the door down to stop whoever was strangling me."

"Really?" Jamie asked, her nose wrinkling up in amusement. "I didn't hear a thing. I think I really was deaf there for a minute."

"That's possible, you know. It's happened to me a time or two."

"So, since I was unaware of anything but my own pleasure, would you say that you enjoyed that anywhere near as much as I did?"

"I'd say so. I was in another world there at the end. I thought it was entirely possible that the top of my head would blow off."

"Still there," Jamie informed her, tapping her skull lightly. She struggled to sit up and tried to see the floor. "What in the heck was that?"

"Did you ever hear the expression 'two heads are better than one'?" Her laugh echoed through the room, and Jamie let the warm sound wash over her, feeling perfectly and fully loved.

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After Jamie had thoroughly exhausted Ryan's spirit of generosity, as well as her tongue, she lay flat on the bed, totally naked, not even a sheet covering her. "If there were more women like you in the world, we'd cut our heating expenses by millions of barrels of oil. I know it's chilly tonight, but my temperature is so high I feel like the sheets might ignite."

Ryan chuckled at the joke, resting a hand on Jamie's belly for a few seconds then picking it up and shaking it, as though it had been burned. "I guess a dozen orgasms crank up your furnace." She rolled over on her stomach and placed her chin in her hands, then smiled peacefully at Jamie. "Happy?"

"Blissfully," she said dramatically. "That's the second time we've used that diabolical toy of yours. Is it a favorite?"

"Not really. But it does the trick when I'm too turned on to give you my full attention."

Jamie curled her index finger, beckoning Ryan to lie by her. When Ryan scooted up to share the same pillow, Jamie put an arm around her and cuddled her close for a moment. "I like using it," she whispered into her ear. "You get all dominant when you use it. You really put me in another gear when you do that."

Ryan pulled back a few inches and wiggled her eyebrows. "Nice to know." She let her head flop back down as she lazily ran her fingers across Jamie's body. "How's it different from having sex with a man?"

"Sex in general?"

"No. Sex with a toy. Is it like having intercourse?"

Laughing softly, Jamie said, "I sometimes forget I have knowledge you'll never acquire."

"Never want to acquire it; just want to hear your perspective."

Patting Ryan, Jamie said, "I figured that." She took a breath, then let out a long hiss. "It's hard to describe, but it's very different."

"I'd think it would be similar, since using a toy like that is the only time I'm as focused on my own body as I am on yours. Usually I think I have a real advantage over a guy, since I'm all about you."

Laughing again, Jamie said, "You always have an advantage. You're ridiculously talented in the sack, sweetie. I'll admit my history is limited, but it's night and day."

"But different," Ryan said, raising her head to rest on her hand. "Tell me about the difference."

"Well, to be honest, I wasn't crazy about missionary position intercourse." She snuck a quick look at Ryan. "Do you really want details?"

"Yeah. I'm interested. I think of this as data acquisition, not something prurient."

"Interesting. We're different that way. I'd never want to know what you did with someone if you'd only had one lover. Much too personal."

"Doesn't bother me. Jack's out of my life." Ryan jerked her arm up and stuck her thumb over her shoulder. "Now he's data."

"Okay. I guess I didn't care for it because I felt trapped."

"Trapped? That isn't what I expected."

"Yeah. That's the best word." Jamie looked thoughtful, as though she were trying hard to recall her feelings and the sensations. "Jack weighed seventy-five pounds more than me, and he was a lot stronger. When he was on top of me, a lot of his weight would be on me." She made a vague gesture across her pelvis. "He used to put his hands on my shoulders and…" she trailed off and shivered. "I didn't like it much at all. When he really got going, I couldn't have gotten him off of me."

"He was actually on top of you?"

Jamie looked at her as if she was slow. "Yeah," she said, laughing a little. "Haven't you ever seen porn?"

"Just gay and lesbian stuff. I mean, I've seen pictures, but I guess I figured that would be uncomfortable for most women. Most of the pictures I've seen, the people have been doing it doggy-style."

"Being on my back was uncomfortable for me, but not because it was painful or anything; I just didn't like the sensation. When he was almost ready to come, he'd drop his head right next to mine and really pound away. His beard would be rough against my cheek and neck, and his body hair would feel like wire on my belly." She made a face of pure distaste. "I always thought of dogs doing it. It seemed so…I don't know, gross, I guess."

Ryan made a face too. "It sounds it!"

"I think I'm in the minority on that. Ask Mia about having sex with a guy, you'll get a whole different perspective."

Ryan lay back down and stared up at the ceiling. "How does it feel when I'm pounding away?"

"You don't do that. Even when you're moving fast, you're being very considerate of me. You always come at me at an angle, a little bit on your side so I don't have your whole body on me. Not that I'd mind if you did. I like feeling trapped by you." She reached over and grabbed a bit of skin, tickling Ryan's waist.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's sexy."

"You're really gay," Ryan said, laughing. "Way, way gay."

"Ya think?" Jamie slapped at her thigh, making a loud noise.

"Did you ever like intercourse?"

"Yeah, a couple of times I enjoyed it. But only when I was on top."

"God, I'd hang myself if you told someone you'd only liked sex with me a couple of times."

"You'd know," Jamie said dryly. "If you had any doubts about my enjoyment, you'd ask, and keep after me until you were sure I was telling the truth. You're quite relentless."

"Sometimes I have to pry things out of you. You can be a tough nut to crack."

"A girl likes to have some secrets," Jamie tossed off blithely. One she was planning on keeping was her attempt to keep Ryan just a little hungry. Jamie was sure she'd be the most satisfied woman on earth if Ryan would occasionally pounce on her exactly like she had tonight.

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Even though the family spent all of Saturday together, they decided to have the Jennie confab on Sunday. Since it was a lovely summer Sunday, Martin suggested that they barbecue. Jamie found that somewhat humorous, since that's what they did for nearly every group meal. She and Ryan had been to her grandfather's church that morning, and were in the process of walking home. As they almost always did, they were holding hands as they walked.

"You don't think anyone will mind that I invited Poppa, do you?"

"No, I don't think so. I'm sure he'' been involved in a lot more of these kinds of discussions then we have. Of anyone, only your mom might mind."

Jamie looked at her quizzically. "My mom? Why would she mind?"

"I'm not sure she will. But she seems really determined to get custody of Jen, and there's a part of me that thinks your grandfather will not think that's a good idea."

An annoyed frown settled onto Jamie's face. "You've got to give her a break. She's changed a lot since I was a kid."

Ryan held her hands up in surrender. "You're pretty touchy about this, but you don't need to be. I'm crazy about your mom, and if she wants to spend the next few years focused on Jennie, I'm all in favor of it."

"There's something you're not saying." Jamie still looked annoyed, but now "suspicious" was added to her expression.

"I'm saying everything that I'm thinking. If your mom wants to do take custody of Jennie, I know she'd be great at it. But she's talking about buying an apartment in New York to have fairly frequent contact with Giacomo."

"Your father was gone for forty-eight to seventy-two hours straight, every week, and you turned out just fine. I know you think I was raised by the help, but mother was only gone for a few weeks every year."

Ryan tucked her arm around Jamie's waist and pulled her close. "You are never going to get me to say that your mom did a bad job of raising you. I don't think that, so I won't say it. All I've said is that raising Jennie would be very different from raising you."

"I know she's up to it."

Ryan pulled out her most confident smile. "I do too."

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At four o'clock that afternoon, Charlie Evans, Martin, Maeve, Catherine, Jamie, and Ryan were all in the backyard of the O'Flaherty house. Martin had decided to have a traditional summer menu, going with Italian sausage, bratwurst, and hamburgers. Jamie wasn't sure why she and Ryan had been designated as the official potato salad makers, but they were once again assigned that task. Maeve had made a green salad and Catherine had brought beer and wine, so the meal was all set. Just to be an individual, Jamie made a lemon meringue pie, which stopped Martin in his tracks when he saw it.

"You know how to bake?"

Laughing, Jamie nodded. "I've been baking pies since I was five."

In a very serious tone, Martin said to his wife, "Not many people can bake a good pie. It's both an art and a science, and I must say I've never been good at it."

"Nor have I, Marty." Maeve put her hands on Jamie's shoulders and pulled her close to kiss her cheek. "I hope you know that from now on, you'll never escape making two or three of these. My husband loves pie almost as much as he loves his children."

"That's an exaggeration by a half," Martin said, looking at the pie as though he was barely restraining himself from digging in right then.

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Jamie and Ryan had set up the ragtag collection of outdoor furniture into some semblance of order, and the family was all seated around the table asking Jamie and Ryan questions about the trip to Colorado.. When they were finished with the main course, Maeve volunteered to go inside and serve dessert.

Jamie leaned over and said to Ryan, "Why did you keep staring at my mother?"

"I've never seen her eat so much," Ryan said, giggling. "Who knew that her secret craving was for a bratwurst?"

Jamie joined in the laughter. "It's probably the first time she's ever eaten one. I think walking as much as she has been has given her a normal appetite."

"Maybe that's it, but if she breaks open a beer and starts chugging it, I'll know I'm in an alternate universe."

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After Martin had praised Jamie's baking skills until she was blushing, they finally got down to the business concerning Jennie. Ryan started the discussion.

"Just so we're all on the same page, I'll give a summary. Jennie's parents are both alive, and either could have custody of her. Her father has remarried, and his new wife and Jennie don't get along at all. Her mother has basically washed her hands of her. That means she's either going to have to remain in the group home, or go back into the foster care system. She's been there three times, and has run away three times. I'm sure she'd do it again if it came to that."

Catherine caught Ryan's attention and said, "The group home she lives in is as good as it can be, but she's not flourishing there. She doesn't have a close friend, and one of the girls has caused her a lot of trouble. Ryan and Jamie think they've solved that issue, but one never knows when a new girl will come in and upset the whole house. I have the time, the money, and the desire to petition the court for custody." She looked around at the group, pausing to make brief eye contact with each of them. "This is something I really want to do."

Charlie took advantage of the quiet to say, "How does Jennie feel? Has anyone talked to her about leaving the group home?"

"No," Ryan said. "We didn't want to get her hopes up. But I guarantee she would jump at the chance to get out of the foster care system."

"No question," Jamie added. "I think Ryan knows her well enough, and knows kids that age well enough, to be a good guardian. But, selfishly, I'm not ready to take on that kind of responsibility."

Ryan put an arm around her partner. "I'm not mature enough."

Martin patted the table with both hands. "I think we can all agree on that." He smiled warmly at his daughter, showing he was partially teasing. "Maeve and I know that Catherine is a wonderful mother, Jennie would be lucky to have her, but I'm worried that the girl would be too much for you." He looked directly at Catherine, continuing despite the fact that he'd obviously hurt her feelings. "I know she's a good child at heart, but she's also headstrong and she has a tendency to be deceitful."

"She's had to be," Catherine said. "The poor girl has been on her own for years. I want to give her the chance to reclaim the last bits of her childhood."

"I think that's what we all want," Martin said. "And of all of us, I think Maeve and I would be able to give her the blend of discipline and consistency that she needs." He fixed on Catherine

again. "I don't doubt your parenting skills, but I'm worried that you won't be able to be as firm with her as she needs."

Doggedly sticking up for her position, Catherine said, "I don't think she needs much discipline at all. I think she needs love and understanding. I know both you and Maeve are wonderful parents, but Jennie doesn't know you well. For her, you taking her would almost be like another foster home."

"I don't think that's true, Catherine," Ryan said. "She's gotten to know Aunt Maeve this summer, and she's been around Da at least a half dozen times."

"From talking to Jennie, I've come to think that she's had more than enough discipline in her life," Catherine said. "What she hasn't had is connection. She and I have very good connection. She tells me things that I'm sure she doesn't feel comfortable talking about with anyone else. I know I wasn't a very good mother when Jamie was growing up…"

Tears sprang to Catherine's eyes and she used her napkin to blot at them angrily. In a shaky voice, she said, "I promised myself I wasn't going to cry."

Jamie jumped up and went over to stand next to her mother. Catherine lay her head against Jamie's hip and accepted a gentle hug. "I want another chance." Crying in earnest, she stood up and went into the house with Jamie.

Everyone was silent for a few moments. Martin said quietly, "I had no idea it meant that much to her."

"It means a lot to Jamie, too," Ryan said. "I haven't been able to figure out why, but I think I'm getting the idea."

Quietly, Charlie said, "Let's be frank. Martin and Maeve have the experience and the living situation that's probably most likely to give the girl a stable home. But Catherine has something that I think the rest of us are lacking-desire." He looked Martin in the eye. "You're a good man, and it's very generous of you to offer to take Jennie in. But I think it's clear you're doing it because it's the right thing to do-not because you want to have a difficult teenager in your house."

Smiling, Martin admitted, "It's not how I pictured my retirement."

Maeve added, "I'm very fond of Jennie, but she and Catherine do have a real bond."

"Hillary Clinton says it takes a village to raise a child," Ryan said. "Why can't we raise her as a family? Catherine can try to get custody, and when she travels, Jennie could stay with Da and Aunt Maeve. Jamie and I could be backups."

"That could work," Charlie said. "I think Catherine has a good point. If Jennie had one person who paid very close attention to her, she wouldn't have as many opportunities to get into trouble."

"I have my doubts there," Ryan said. "She's almost fearless, and she doesn't seem to learn from bad experiences. I think she needs a pretty firm hand."

Seeing Catherine and Jamie coming down the stairs to the yard, Martin caught Catherine's eye and said, "We're agreed. You'll petition the court for custody, and the four of us will be there whenever you need us."

As the tears flowed again, Charlie got up and wrapped Catherine in a hug. "The five of us will be there whenever you need us."

* * *

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The next morning Jamie woke to the sounds of someone mowing in the backyard. She blew air out between her lips, making a noise.

"Has our gardener woken you?"

Jamie turned to see Ryan sitting up in bed, reading something. Fluffing the hair from her eyes, Jamie grumbled, "I didn't know we had a gardener in the city."

"Obviously my father wasn't happy with the way the grass looked when he arrived for breakfast." Ryan looked up at the wide window above their heads. "Good thing we have curtains. It wouldn't do to have my father see all of your gorgeous flesh." She dove for Jamie's side, playfully nipping at her sensitive skin.

"Stop it!" Jamie tried to cover up, but it was no use. Ryan was relentless, teasing and tickling until she begged for mercy. "Ryan rules!" Jamie finally screamed.

Immediately, Ryan stopped. She placed a dozen soft, gentle kisses on the same parts she'd just terrorized. "Better?" she asked, still far down on the bed. The morning light made her eyes sparkle, rendering them an almost ethereal blue.

"Come up here and kiss me like you love me." Ryan flipped around, sending her legs into the air as she made a u-turn. "Someone's in a good mood today."

She kissed Jamie tenderly, letting her decide when to break the kiss.

"I'd proposition you, but I can't consider making love with your father right outside."

"He used to be right upstairs every day." Ryan pointed directly above their bed. "Didn't stop you then."

"This is different. I'm not sure why, but it's different." She reached out and smoothed Ryan's mussed hair. "Why are you so chipper?"

Ryan scooted up so she was able to use the wall for a backrest. Lifting her knees, she rested her hands on them and acted as if she was going to make an important announcement. "I've finally, after many weeks of agonizing over it, decided what to do with my largesse."

"Nice word," Jamie said, grinning at her.

"I got it from you. In many ways." Ryan stuck her tongue out and easily pulled it back before Jamie could grab it.

Jamie put a hand atop Ryan's and looked into her eyes. "Have you still been obsessing about this?"

Nodding forcefully, Ryan said, "It's been on a slow burn-more like a simmer, actually- always bubbling in the background."

"Aw, honey, I never would have done this if I'd known it would make you crazy."

"It's all right, Jamers." Ryan extended an arm and Jamie cuddled up against her. "I have to get comfortable with money one way or the other. You just pushed me a little."

"So, what's the big plan? Go to the sporting goods store and buy 'em out?"

Looking thoughtful, Ryan said, "Great! Now I've got to start over." She grinned like a chimp, showing all of her teeth. "No, I'm going to be a little more prudent. First, I'm going to start sending my Aunt Moira money every month."

"Good idea. We should have been doing that all year."

"I know. She's not as proud as most of the rest of the Ryans; I think she'll take it. I want her to cover my grandparents' expenses as well as give them a few luxuries."

"But how will she get them to take the money?"

"Not sure," Ryan admitted. "I've considered phony lottery tickets, anonymous checks, a government payout to World War II veterans… It's all up here," she said, tapping her temple. "Whatever it takes to drag them out of poverty."

Jamie leaned over and kissed her cheek. "That's an excellent plan. You'll feel much better if they're more comfortable."

"Right. Then I'm going to pay for Aisling's school expenses."

"Oh, right. Sure. That's a very good idea too."

"And I'll pay for the rest of my cousins too. I think they'll all go to university, so that's a long term plan."

"You don't have that much money, babe. That could be eighty or ninety thousand each."

"No tuition in Ireland, just expenses."

"Got it."

"I considered giving Tommy and Annie money for a down-payment on a house, but with prices like they are, they'd be saddled with a huge mortgage." She shook her head. "That just doesn't make sense. I think they'll be happy living in the OFC apartment. It's gonna be plenty big and they'll be able to live rent free in exchange for managing it."

"I thought it was a good plan when we came up with it. I still do. It doesn't make sense to have the kind of debt they'd have if they bought a house now."

"Right." Ryan slapped her hands together. "I have to leave the house to implement the rest of my plan. Wanna go?"

"Sure." Jamie slipped out of bed, turning repeatedly on the way to the bathroom to make sure Martin couldn't see inside.

* * *

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Before they took off on Ryan's mission, they went to their favorite coffee shop for breakfast. After a couple of espressos and a pair of muffins, they went back to the house and got on Ryan's bike. It was a beautiful day, with a brisk wind blowing all of the fog away and the sky a beautiful clear blue.

"I love riding behind you on your bike," Jamie said when Ryan brought it to life.

"Warm enough?"

"Yeah. With you in front, my light jacket's plenty." She ran her hands down Ryan's shoulders and arms, covered only by a snug white T-shirt. "You're gonna freeze."

"I like a cool wind when I'm riding. Makes me feel alive."

Ryan carefully maneuvered through the streets, heading all the way across town. Jamie didn't say a word, mostly because Ryan couldn't hear her with the din of noisy streets, but also because she liked to guess where they were going. When Ryan started to cross the Bay Bridge, Jamie would have ventured that they were heading to the Berkeley house, but Ryan didn't take their usual Berkeley exit. Instead, they wound up in a different part of Berkeley, one they rarely frequented. After threading their way through the always heavy traffic, Ryan pulled up in front of the bank where they'd first opened their joint account.

"Ahh," Jamie said, as she took off her helmet and shook her hair free. "Memories."

Ryan smiled. "Yeah. I'll always remember the day you forced me to have a checking account."

Jamie slapped her on the butt. "A twenty-five-year old woman who kept her money in her shoe."

"Not in my shoe," Ryan protested. "In my savings account. I wanted my ridiculously low interest rate."

Inside, Ryan spotted the man who'd waited on them the previous year. He was alone at his desk and she sauntered right up to him, looking at his name plate. "Hi, Mr. Merriman," she said, extending her hand.

He looked up at her and then at Jamie, and they could both see the recognition dawn.

"Hello!" He jumped to his feet and enthusiastically shook each of their hands. "How can I help you today?"

"I don't think we need help," Ryan said. "I'm going to make a deposit and…" She pursed her lips. "Actually, you can help me. I want an account in my name. I don't want to write checks, but I'd like an ATM card."

"Certainly. Why don't you both sit down and I'll get right on that."

He started keying things into the computer and Ryan could see his eyes searching wildly. Finally he found their names. She figured he'd remembered Jamie's and then found hers linked to it. "Ms O'Flaherty, I can open a savings account that has an ATM card for withdrawals. You can make four withdrawals a month without any fee."

"Fee?" she said, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes, that's the terms of this account."

"I don't want to pay a fee to have access to my own money." She didn't add anything, just looked at him with a clear expression of unhappiness.

He started making keystrokes. "I'll flag the account. If you make more withdrawals than the terms allow, I'll override the fee."

Ryan showed a big smile. "Excellent." She took out the checks Jamie had given her for her brokerage account. "I want to close this brokerage account and deposit most of it in our joint account." She handed him a check that made him sit up straighter. "Then I want…six thousand dollars in my personal account. The one without fees," she emphasized.

"No problem." He took the check and went to a teller window, instructing the young man as to how to divide the funds.

"Six thousand dollars? What's the deal with six thousand dollars?"

Ryan smiled, looking very relaxed and confident. "That's what I want for personal expenses."

"For the month?"

Eyes wide, Ryan almost choked. "For the year!"

Now Jamie was stunned. "You plan on living on six thousand dollars for a year?"

"Yeah. This will give me the illusion that I have to budget and plan my personal spending."

"What personal spending? I don't think you've spent a hundred dollars on yourself all year."

"Exactly!" Ryan grinned. "This will be mine, and I might buy myself a few things. I've been wanting new running shoes but I hate to spend our money, and I hate to ask you if you think it's a good idea…" She made a circle with her finger. "Crazy thoughts spinning around in my head."

"If you think having your own little pile of money will help you buy what you need-go for it."

"I think it will. I hope it will."

Mr. Merriman returned, statements in hand. "Here are your receipts. Now I'll need to see some identification and have you sign a few papers."

Ryan filled out the rest of the paperwork while Jamie refused all offers of CDs, Money-Market accounts, home improvement loans, and all of the rest of the services he touted. When they were finished, the walked out into the bright sunshine and Ryan said, "How about lunch?"

"Uh, sure. It's a little early, but I can manage."

"Hop on."

They went through Berkeley, then hopped on a road that took them into the Oakland hills. As they climbed, Jamie thought about the first time Ryan had been in her car. They'd come to this exact spot, and for reasons she didn't realize then, she'd never wanted the day to end. She'd never been with anyone who'd held her interest so completely, and she was thrilled to acknowledge that hadn't changed a bit.

They reached the top of a hill and Ryan pulled over and turned off the bike. It was such a clear day that they could see for miles and they silently looked out at the Bay and the city in the distance. Jamie put her head against Ryan's back and they sat just like that for another few minutes. Then they started off again, heading back down to Oakland. When they were still quite a few blocks away from their destination, Jamie knew where they were going. She was smiling happily when Ryan pulled into a legalish spot and turned off the bike.

"Our first meal together," Jamie said, squeezing Ryan's waist.

"Yep. I love this place, but we haven't been here since. I remember how amazed you were at how much I ate."

"I remember being fascinated by every single thing about you." Jamie hugged her again, almost too tightly.

Ryan slid off the bike, then helped Jamie off.they stood in front of the deli for just a moment, then Ryan said, "Two things are different. One-I'm buying." Jamie grinned at her with unconcealed affection. "Two-when we're done eating, we're going to Berkeley to check our mail.

Then I'm going to take you upstairs and do what I wanted to do the very first time I saw you."

Jamie gazed up into her eyes and blinked innocently. "Work on a paper together?"

Ryan's grin was feral. She looked like she could easily dip her head and take a bite out of Jamie's exposed neck. "That paper was the furthest thing from my mind." She moved a little closer, letting Jamie feel the heat that radiated from her body. "I wanted to seduce you."

Something about the way she said it made Jamie squirm. She wanted to skip lunch and get right to the seduction.

But Ryan was clearly having fun playing the game. She bent over until her lips were right next to Jamie's ear. "I wanted to get you alone and take off every bit of your clothing. I think you had on a…blue sweater and jeans. Your breasts looked awesome in that sweater, by the way. It was just snug enough to show them off. I had this vivid image of how rockin' your body was, and I'm glad to say I was totally right." She stood up, grinning when she saw that Jamie's pupils were dilated.

"Isn't it a little early for lunch?" Jamie's voice was slow and sweet and sexy. "We could eat later. Much later."

"Nah, we're not in a rush. It's July, and we're on vacation. The sun's out, the sky's clear, and we have nothing but time."

Jamie couldn't help herself. Even though they were on a busy street in front of a busy deli at high noon, she had to lace her hands behind Ryan's neck. She leaned back, taking in her lovely partner. She had nothing to add, completely content to just gaze at her.

"We'll eat, then spend the rest of the afternoon in bed." Ryan looked up at the sky and took in a deep breath. "We'll open the window and have a nice breeze blowing over us. It'll be fantastic."

"Being with you is fantastic. Sometimes I wish I'd known who I was and what I wanted that first day we'd met so we could have gotten to the good parts faster."

Ryan shrugged. "You weren't ready. I probably wasn't either." She bent and kissed Jamie, making her touch soft and sweet and tender. "Now we are."

Jamie's smile was so bright it was almost blinding. "We sure are. Together we're ready for anything."