WHEN DREAMS

TREMBLE

What Reviewers Say About Radcly ffe’S Books

“…well-plotted…lovely romance…I couldn’t turn the pages fast

enough!” —Ann Bannon , author of The Beebo Brinker Chronicles

“The author’s brisk mix of political intrigue, fast-paced action,

and frequent interludes of lesbian sex and love…in Honor Reclaimed…

sure does make for great escapist reading.”—Richard Labonte,

Q Syndicate

“If you’re looking for a well-written police procedural make

sure you get a copy of Shield of Justice. Most assuredly worth

it.”—Lynne Jamneck, author of Down the Rabbit Hole and

reviewer for The L Life

“Radclyffe has once again pulled together all the ingredients of

a genuine page-turner, this time adding some new spices into the

mix. Whatever one’s personal take on the subject matter, shadowland

is sure to please—in part because Radclyffe never loses sight of

the fact that she is telling a love story, and a compelling one at

that.”—Cameron Abbott, author of To The Edge and An Inexpressible

State of Grace

“Stolen Moments…edited by Radclyffe & Stacia Seaman…is a

collection of steamy stories about women who just couldn’t wait. It’s

sex when desire overrides reason, and it’s incredibly hot!”—Suzanne

Corson, On Our Backs

“With ample angst, realistic and exciting medical emergencies,

winsome secondary characters, and a sprinkling of humor, Fated Love

turns out to be a terriÞ c romance. It’s one of the best I have read in the

last three years. Run—do not walk—right out and get this one. You’ll

be hooked by yet another of Radclyffe’s wonderful stories. Highly

recommended.”—Author Lori L. Lake, Midwest Book Review

“Radclyffe, through her moving text…in Innocent Hearts…illustrates

that our struggles for acceptance of women loving women is as old as

time—only the setting changes. The romance is sweet, sensual, and

touching.”—Kathi Isserman, reviewer for Just About Write

Visit us at www.boldstrokesbooks.com

WHEN DREAMS

TREMBLE

by

RADCLY f FE

2007

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

© 2007 BY RADCLYFFE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

ISBN 1-933110-64-3

THIS TRADE PAPERBACK ORIGINAL IS PUBLISHED BY

BOLD STROKES BOOKS, INC.,

NEW YORK, USA

FIRST EDITION: JANUARY 2007

THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. NAMES, CHARACTERS, PLACES, AND

INCIDENTS ARE THE PRODUCT OF THE AUTHOR’S IMAGINATION

OR ARE USED FICTITIOUSLY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL

PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, BUSINESS ESTABLISHMENTS, EVENTS,

OR LOCALES IS ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL.

THIS BOOK, OR PARTS THEREOF, MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED IN

ANY FORM WITHOUT PERMISSION.

CREDITS

EDITORS: RUTH STERNGLANTZ AND STACIA SEAMAN

PRODUCTION DESIGN: STACIA SEAMAN

COVER PHOTOS: LEE LIGON

COVER DESIGN BY SHERI (GRAPHICARTIST2020@HOTMAIL.COM)

By the Author

Romances

Safe Harbor

shadowland

Beyond the Breakwater

Fated Love

Innocent Hearts

Distant Shores, Silent Thunder

Love’s Melody Lost

Turn Back Time

Love’s Tender Warriors

Promising Hearts

Tomorrow’s Promise

Storms of Change

Passion’s Bright Fury

When Dreams Tremble

Love’s Masquerade

Honor Series

Justice Series

Above All, Honor

A Matter of Trust (prequel)

Honor Bound

Shield of Justice

Love & Honor

In Pursuit of Justice

Honor Guards

Justice in the Shadows

Honor Reclaimed

Justice Served

Change Of Pace: Erotic Interludes

(A Short Story Collection)

Stolen Moments: Erotic Interludes 2

Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe, eds.

Lessons in Love: Erotic Interludes 3

Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe, eds.

Extreme Passions: Erotic Interludes 4

Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe, eds.

Author’s Note

Wolfe is quoted as saying, “You can’t go home again.” I don’t

disagree with that fundamental truth, because “home” is more than a

place or even the people. It is a particular series of moments, deÞ ned

by the unique interactions of individuals at a particular point in their

lives. Life is ever changing and we can’t go back, because the very act

of living, day to day, changes us. I am not who I was at eighteen when

I left.

But having recently moved “home,” or within miles of where I

grew up, I can say that the sense of recognition, and dare I say,

belonging, is more than fond recollection made rosy with the passage

of time. I know these roads—I learned to drive on them. I know the

mountains and the lakes—I camped there with my parents. I took my

partner to the very same roadside hot dog stand I frequented forty

years ago with my best friends in high school. But despite the familiarity,

the best part of being here now is that I am Þ nally who I am in the

place I had to leave to Þ nd myself. I am a lesbian, and I have the life I

always dreamed of.

This story is set “just up the road” from the place I spent my last

summer before leaving home for college. I did not know then exactly

why I didn’t Þ t, or what it was I sought. Fortunately, I discovered the

answers not long after with a girl as innocent as I. We didn’t know the

words, but we recognized love.

My thanks go to my Þ rst readers, Connie, Diane, Eva, Jane, Paula,

and RB, as well as my editors, Ruth Sternglantz and Stacia Seaman,

and the generous proofreaders at Bold Strokes Books for making this

a better book.

Lee and I spent a weekend at “the Lake” taking photos for the

cover. Thanks to Sheri for capturing so eloquently the beauty I tried so

inadequately to describe.

To Lee, who has never questioned the dream— Amo te.

Radclyffe 2007

Dedication

For Lee

And Dreams That Come True

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER ONE

All set to add another notch to your belt, LJ?”

Leslie Harris glanced up from the deposition transcript,

hiding her annoyance at the interruption and the uninvited familiarity.

She’d made the mistake of leaving her ofÞ ce door partly open when

she’d arrived at 4:30 a.m., and now she discovered with a quick glance

at her Piaget it was close to seven, and the troops were arriving. It

wasn’t like her to lose track of the time.

Absently tucking a strand of her shoulder-length, ash blond hair

behind her ear, she smiled automatically at the junior associate who

leaned into her ofÞ ce. Mentally, she ran his stats. Tom Smith. Eager,

just like every other ambitious young attorney, and smart enough to

recognize the important players in the Þ rm. Points for that. Just the

slightest bit obvious with his ß irtatious attention. Minor demerit. She

crossed her silk-stocking-clad legs beneath the skirt of her customtailored Armani suit and shrugged. “Just another day at the ofÞ ce,

Tom.”

“Oh yeah. Like it’s every day we take on the Feds with a couple

of million at stake.”

“Uh-huh.” Actually, for her it was a near-daily occurrence,

because defending corporations in big-ticket, high-proÞ le lawsuits was

her specialty. And she liked to win. Every time. Her ferocious drive

had shaped her career from the start, as had her unfailing ability to read

a jury and emphasize just the right aspects of the case to garner their

sympathy. She’d fast-tracked to partner seven years out of law school,

and her pace, if anything, had picked up in the last year since she’d

moved into a corner ofÞ ce.

• 13 •

RADCLY fFE

But she had neither the time nor the inclination to point all this out

to Tom. She’d barely squeezed in her daily workout at the gym before

coming to the ofÞ ce to prepare for a big morning in court. She was also

juggling six other cases that were every bit as important as the one she

was due to defend in two hours before the United States District Court

for the Eastern District of New York. She reached for her fourth cup of

coffee of the morning and went back to reading.

“Get you something from the coffee shop, LJ? Bagel?”

“What?” Leslie glanced up again, surprised to see Tom still

standing there. Didn’t he have any work to do? “No. Thanks. I’m

Þ ne.”

Breakfast wasn’t on her schedule. She’d be lucky if she remembered

to grab a yogurt at lunch, because the midday recess was a critical time

to recap the case with her client and revamp strategy. Working lunch was

just a euphemism for more work, and rarely included food. Fortunately,

as far as tough battles went, today’s case was middle-of-the-road.

United States v. Harlan Vehicles, LLC, et al. She knew the facts

verbatim of course, but her defense wouldn’t center on the facts. It

was true that her client, Harlan Vehicles, had imported 11,000 pieces of

gasoline-and diesel-powered equipment over the past nine months that

didn’t meet the federal Clean Air Act emission requirements. Arguing

that point would be folly, because the measured levels of smog-forming

volatile organic compounds and nitrous oxides in the exhaust was

irrefutable. She never based a case on discrediting the science, because

Americans were programmed to believe facts and Þ gures. No, her

ammunition had to be more personal, something that Joe Juror could

relate to. And when the federal government assessed the company

millions of dollars in penalties and Þ nes after the special agents from

the Justice Department and U.S. Customs seized the equipment, she

had just the weapon she needed.

She couldn’t make the charges go away, but she didn’t need to.

After all, what average citizen couldn’t be made to appreciate that

levying crippling costs on Harlan meant a higher price tag for them the

next time they went to buy a snowmobile for their kids for Christmas?

In this kind of case, reducing the monetary damages to tens of thousands

rather than millions of dollars—what amounted to a slap on the wrist

for a corporation the size of Harlan—was a major win.

Still mentally reviewing the order of her witness list, Leslie

drained her coffee cup and rose to get a reÞ ll. As a sudden wave of

• 14 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

dizziness rolled through her, she dropped her coffee cup onto the thick

Persian rug. Reß exively, she braced both arms on the desk, lowered her

head, and took several long, slow breaths. It was frighteningly difÞ cult

to catch her breath, and her heart felt as if it might dance its way up

her throat and right out of her body. She blinked and forced herself to

focus on the pens and papers covering her desk until the room stopped

spinning and the black curtain obscuring her vision lifted. Then, when

she was sure she wasn’t going to faint, she carefully lowered herself

into her chair. Worried that someone might have witnessed her spell or

whatever the hell it was, she checked the door to be sure no one was

nearby.

Thankfully, the hall was empty. The last thing she needed was

for her colleagues to get the impression that she wasn’t up to form.

Her adversaries in the courtroom weren’t the only ones who killed the

weak. She got along well with her partners, but she wouldn’t exactly

call them her friends. Nevertheless, the thin veneer covering aggressive

competitiveness didn’t bother her. This was the battleÞ eld she had

chosen, or perhaps the one that had chosen her, and she intended to

triumph.

“Ready to head over, LJ?” Stephanie Ackerman called from the

doorway.

Leslie’s paralegal, a voluptuous redhead four inches shorter than

Leslie’s Þ ve foot six, pulled a rolling cart with two enormous briefcases

strapped to it. In the other hand, she carried a venti cappuccino.

“Just about.” Leslie smiled brightly and hoped she didn’t look as

pale as she felt. Even though her breathing was more comfortable, she

still felt an odd ß uttering sensation in her chest. Maybe no breakfast

after three hours’ sleep wasn’t such a good idea after all. “Do me a

favor and grab a Danish along with another coffee for me, will you?”

“Sure. I’ll meet you by the elevators.”

Leslie waited until Stephanie disappeared to Þ ll her own briefcase

with the notes and Þ les she’d need. By the time she joined Stephanie,

she felt Þ ne. While the elevator descended, she nibbled on the Danish

and scanned the messages on her BlackBerry. When the doors slid open,

she dropped the remaining half of the pastry into a nearby wastebasket.

She didn’t need food; the upcoming mental combat was all the fuel she

needed to energize her.

v

• 15 •

RADCLY fFE

By three in the afternoon the next day, Leslie knew she’d have

another win in her column. The trial was still a long way from over,

but she’d sensed the subtle change of mood in the members of the

jury, from wary and perplexed—as they’d listened to the assistant U.S.

attorney recite dry statistics and a litany of rules and regulations—to

sympathetic, when she’d pointed out the massive expense and time

required for her client to comply with those same rules and regulations.

Her subtle point, time and time again, had been that Harlan Vehicles

wished to be in compliance with the law despite the heavy Þ nancial

burden placed upon them by government regulation, and that levying

huge penalties would only make it more difÞ cult for them. Oh yes, any

taxpayer would understand that.

As she listened to the testimony of another of the government’s

scientiÞ c experts, she ran numbers in her head, calculating how

much she might be able to rein in the penalties. A very great deal, she

wagered.

“Your witness, Counselor,” the judge said.

“Thank you, Your Honor.” Leslie rose quickly and strode briskly

from behind the defense table. She had only a second to register the

violent racing of her heart before she fainted.

LJ!

My God, Leslie! Someone get some water!

“I’m Þ ne. Fine,” Leslie said weakly. Vaguely aware of the fact

that she was lying on the ß oor in the middle of the courtroom, she

struggled to sit up. Someone held her down with the slightest touch

to her shoulder, and she didn’t have the strength to protest. Her vision

wavered and she felt as if she were trying to breathe underwater. “No,

please. Really. I…just need…a little air.”

She heard the judge hastily adjourning for the day and ß ushed

with embarrassment. She was used to being the center of attention, but

not like this. Stephanie’s face swam into view, and Leslie Þ xed on the

bright blue eyes a shade lighter than her own. When her head cleared

enough that she thought she could stand without falling, she said, “Help

me up, Steph. I’m okay.”

Stephanie and Bill Mallory, Leslie’s second chair, guided her to

her feet. Stephanie kept her arm around Leslie’s waist. “You’re white

as a sheet, LJ.”

“I feel like…” Leslie couldn’t get enough air to Þ nish the sentence

and the room went dim. “I think I need…hospital.”

• 16 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

v

Almost 275 miles due north of the courthouse, Dr. Devon Weber

waded into Lake George up to her waist. Her waterproof boots and

waders kept her dry, but not warm, and the familiar ache in her right hip

appeared before she’d gone ten feet. It might be almost mid-June, but

the lake was still frigid, its temperature lagging far behind that of the

air, which was only in the high sixties despite the bright sunshine. Still,

she was used to being wet and cold and sore; it came with the job.

“Can’t you do that from the boat?” Park Ranger Sergeant Natalie

Evans called from shore.

“I can feel the bottom better when I walk on it!” Dev yelled

back, thinking a little enviously that the petite brunette shufß ing her

boots on the packed brown earth at the water’s edge looked warm and

comfortable in her khaki uniform and spring-weight ß ak jacket.

“Mud’s mud,” Natalie said.

Dev smiled to herself. She was used to people Þ nding her work

and her interests strange, even professionals like Natalie who had a

better understanding than most of what she was doing. Dev kept going

until the water was an inch below the top of her waders and she felt the

accumulation of soil, plant detritus, and decomposing organic matter

change consistency beneath her feet.

“I can bring the launch out and at least hand you sample bottles,”

Natalie offered.

“Thanks, but you’ll rile the waters with the boat. I’ll just be a

minute.” Dev opened her canvas shoulder bag and slid out a plastic

collection bottle the size of a maraschino cherry jar. With her other

hand, she slowly inserted a long metal rod with a suction chamber on

the far end straight down through the water and several inches into the

lake bottom next to her foot. By depressing a button with her thumb,

she was able to extract a small sample. She secured the specimen in the

collection jar and dropped it into her bag. “That’s number one.”

On the shore, Natalie noted the date, time, ambient temperature,

water temperature, and exact location on a lined sheet of paper afÞ xed

to a clipboard.

“I appreciate you playing secretary,” Dev said as she waded

back to shore. “I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than follow me

around.”

• 17 •

RADCLY fFE

“Not a problem.” Actually, Natalie did have other things to do, but

none that she would have found quite as pleasant. She was a park ranger

stationed on the western shore of Lake George in Bolton Landing,

New York. She patrolled a portion of the three hundred square miles

of parkland that surrounded the lake, which was thirty-two miles long

and three miles wide at some points. Despite the fact that the enormous

body of water, nestled in the heart of the Adirondack Mountains, was

one of the most popular tourist attractions on the East Coast, much of

the surrounding mountains was still as wild and untamed as it had been

for centuries. It was her job to keep both nature and those who came to

enjoy it safe.

“I’m supposed to have a summer intern starting next week.” Dev’s

leg had progressed from sore to stiff, and she climbed awkwardly up

the slippery slope in her heavy gear. When Natalie extended a hand to

steady her, she grabbed it. Natalie’s Þ ngers closed on hers, warm and

strong. “Thanks.”

“Hey, it’s kind of interesting.” Natalie tried to keep her expression

from revealing the precise nature of her interest as she observed the

woman who had arrived the previous afternoon at the regional park

headquarters. Everything about Devon Weber—from her collar-length,

almost-but-not-quite-messy light chestnut hair to her tight athletic

build and the casual self-conÞ dence in her hazel eyes—said she was

a lesbian, but Natalie never relied on impressions to make that call.

Since they were going to be working together in close proximity for the

next few months, she didn’t want to create any kind of awkwardness

between them. She was interested, but she could be patient. “Besides,

I’ve got the radio, and if something comes up, I’ll just leave you to fend

for yourself.”

“That’s nice of you.” Dev grinned. “I think.”

Natalie smiled back. “Just how many samples do you plan on

taking?”

“Well,” Dev said, ß icking the hair back off her forehead as they

headed up the narrow path that had been cut through the thick pines on

either side by animals making their way to the water, “between soil,

water, vegetation, and Þ sh specimens? Couple thousand.”

“You’re kidding.”

When Natalie stopped abruptly, Dev bumped into her and Natalie’s

shoulder brushed across Dev’s breasts. Natalie’s long, dark hair was

caught back with a soft tie at the base of her neck and the wind blew

• 18 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

a silky strand smelling of mountain laurel into Dev’s face. Dev’s lips

tingled and she stepped back.

“Nope. I’m serious. It’s been eight months since the last multitiered

biologic survey was done on the lake. With the increase in commercial

and recreational boat trafÞ c and the prevalence of industry in the

adjoining areas, we need to revamp all our statistics.”

“I always thought people at your level just sat in the lab while

grunts slogged around out here collecting samples,” Natalie teased as

they reached the green and white truck with the emblem of the New

York State Department of Environmental Conservation on the side.

“I’m old-fashioned, I guess,” Dev said as she stripped off her

outer gear and stowed it in the back of Natalie’s SUV. Beneath it she

wore jeans, a short-sleeved denim shirt, and a light zip-up navy vest.

She climbed into the truck and shifted to Þ nd a good position for her

sore hip as Natalie slid behind the wheel. “Sometimes the only way to

know there’s a problem is to see for yourself. If I just send out someone

who isn’t an expert on the water life to randomly collect specimens, we

could miss the early signs of pollutant effects on the Þ sh population.”

“That’s your thing, right? You’re a Þ sh guy?” Natalie backed out

of the parking lot and headed north on Route 9, which wended its way

along the shore and through the small villages that dotted the lakeside.

“Yeah, close enough.” Dev unfolded her regional survey map

to check the next sample site. “I’m a freshwater biologist. I started

out studying Þ sh populations and got interested in the effects of

environmental alterations on breeding and population dynamics.”

“So that’s how you ended up with the DEC.”

“Technically, I’m an independent consultant, but I’m heading up

a joint survey this summer with the Derrin Freshwater Institute and the

state.”

“Fish, huh?” Natalie shook her head and laughed. “If you don’t

mind my asking, how the hell did you ever get interested in Þ sh?”

Dev wondered if it would make any sense if she told her the truth.

If she explained that she’d grown up a stone’s throw from where they

had collected the Þ rst sample. That the lake had been her Þ rst and, in

the end, her best friend. That for as long as she could remember, she’d

never Þ t in anywhere. Not at home, not at school. She’d spent hours on

the water, in the water, from the time she’d been old enough to walk.

She’d found peace in those quiet alone times as she’d lain on the dock

in the hot summer sun watching the small schools of Þ sh circle in the

• 19 •

RADCLY fFE

shallows. She had wondered then what it would be like to be part of

a group like that, moving so easily together, effortlessly attuned. To

be accepted, to belong. She didn’t know then. She still didn’t, but she

didn’t wonder any longer.

She didn’t know Natalie well enough to share those secrets, and

even if she had, she wouldn’t have answered any differently. Those

times were long past. “I spent so much time in the water when I was a

kid, I guess I thought I was part Þ sh.”

“Well,” Natalie said, deciding to Þ re the Þ rst shot as she gave

Devon a slow, appreciative once-over, “you look to be all woman

now.”

Dev took a quick read and added up the Þ ndings. The answer was

pretty clear. Natalie was very attractive, she wasn’t wearing a wedding

ring, and it was forecast to be a long, hot summer. Dev leaned back with

a smile. “Nice to know you noticed.”

• 20 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWO

By the time the EMTs arrived, Leslie felt almost normal again.

Certainly no worse than she had on quite a few occasions in

recent weeks. She’d been working hard and sleeping even less than

usual. It was nothing more than that.

“Look, really,” she protested as a husky young blond with shaggy

hair and a deep tan, who might have been called a surfer dude in

another time and place, lifted her into a wheelchair with the help of his

intensely serious female partner, “I feel perfectly Þ ne now. Obviously I

had a little dizzy spell, which has passed. Please let me up.”

“Just try to relax, ma’am,” the brunette said mechanically as she

slipped a sticky EKG pad inside Leslie’s blouse and afÞ xed it gently to

her upper breast.

Ma’am, Leslie thought with irrational temper. She has her hand

inside my blouse and she’s calling me ma’am. There was something

terribly wrong with this picture. This was not her. In a move that startled

even herself, she slapped the EMT’s hand away. With the practiced

voice that was calculated to make jurors sit up straight in their seats,

she snapped, “I’m not going to the hospital.”

The one who’d ma’am’d her leaned down with a hand wrapped

around either arm of the wheelchair. She spoke quietly so no one else

could hear. “It sucks to have everyone all over you like this, I know. But

your blood pressure’s still a little bit low and your heart rate’s a tiny bit

elevated. If you try to walk out of here, I think you’re going to go down

again. That will buy you a trip to the ICU. Just let us take you to the

emergency room where you can be checked out.”

Leslie studied the dark, deep eyes inches from her own. She

• 21 •

RADCLY fFE

hadn’t seen anyone look at her like that, with such compassion and

understanding, for…so long, she couldn’t remember. How was it that a

stranger could touch her so deeply and those who supposedly knew her

intimately never touched her at all? Truth be told, she did feel terrible.

“Just get me out of here quickly, please,” she whispered.

“You got it. I’m Amy, by the way.”

“You have beautiful eyes, Amy,” Leslie murmured as she suddenly

drifted away.

v

The next time Leslie opened her eyes she was propped up into

a semisitting position on a narrow bed with a thin, hard mattress and

covered by a stiff white sheet that smelled of strong detergent. A sicklygreen curtain, a shade darker than the equally nauseating tiles on the

walls, covered the doorway. The overhead light was so bright she

was forced to squint. She was ß eetingly very happy she didn’t have

a migraine. What she did have was a plethora of intravenous lines

and leads and other things she didn’t recognize connecting her to an

assortment of monitoring devices that ringed the bed. Surely whatever

was wrong with her didn’t warrant this much attention. She felt a frisson

of anxiety that she quickly squelched and fumbled around on the bed for

a call button. Annoyed when she found none, she considered shouting,

but decided that would only win her even more unwanted interest.

In search of the handle to lower the bed rail, she slid her hand

along the outside of the stretcher. She’d just located it when the curtain

was twitched aside and a smiling man in a white lab coat entered. The

words Emergency Physician were embroidered in red, slanting letters

over his left breast pocket. Beneath that was his name. Peter Erhart,

M.D.

“I’m Dr. Erhart.” He stated the obvious and pressed Leslie’s hand

by way of greeting. “How are you feeling?”

“Other than a little tired, Þ ne. I hope you’re here to discharge

me.”

The doctor pulled a stainless steel stool to the side of the stretcher

and sat down. When he crossed his arms on the top of the bed rail, he

and Leslie were nearly eye to eye. “We’d like to keep you overnight for

observation.”

• 22 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie’s stomach tightened, but she knew from experience that

nothing would show on her face. Calmly, she asked, “Why is that?”

“Your EKG shows frequent runs of supraventricular tachycardia

and occasional short bursts of atrial ß utter accompanied by a precipitous

drop in your blood pressure.”

“Which is why I fainted.”

Dr. Erhart looked surprised. “I understand you’re an attorney. Do

you handle medical cases?”

“No, but my…an associate does. I understand what you’re saying.”

She’d discussed enough malpractice cases with Rachel to understand

the terminology. She wondered idly if anyone had called Rachel, and

then realized no one would have had any reason to. A few people in the

ofÞ ce, including Stephanie, were probably aware of her relationship

with Rachel Hawthorne, but it wasn’t as if they presented themselves

as a couple. Which they weren’t. Not technically. She realized her mind

was wandering, something else that never happened to her, and she

forced herself to focus. “What’s causing it and what needs to be done

about it?”

Dr. Erhart smiled. “I wish I could answer both questions right

now, but I can’t. Any number of things could be causing the accelerated

heart rate, including ß uctuations in hormone levels, medications,

drugs.”

When he let the last word linger in the air, Leslie narrowed her

eyes. “I’m not on any medication and I don’t take drugs of any kind. I

don’t smoke and I drink in moderation.”

“Your baseline blood pressure is also off the charts for someone

your age. So it might be something as simple as stress…perhaps

something at work? Or at home?”

“No. Neither.” Leslie made an impatient gesture, which was cut

short by the taut intravenous line tethering her to a nearby pole. “Look.

I understand the need to be thorough and—”

The ß uttering in her chest started at the same time as the monitor

next to the bed began to screech. She struggled to catch her breath

and found she couldn’t. She was aware of Dr. Erhart speaking into the

intercom next to the door, and after what seemed like an eternity, a

woman in scrubs appeared and injected something into Leslie’s IV line.

A minute later the monitor fell silent, and the wild churning in her chest

subsided.

• 23 •

RADCLY fFE

“Jesus,” Leslie whispered, still short of breath. “What was that?”

“That was another run of very rapid tachycardia,” Dr. Erhart said

solemnly. He turned to the nurse. “Call admissions and tell them we’ll

need a telemetry bed for Ms. Harris.”

This time, Leslie didn’t argue. “I need to make some calls. Could

someone see if Stephanie Ackerman is here?”

As Leslie suspected, Stephanie had come to the hospital directly

from the courthouse. When she appeared, Leslie felt ridiculously

comforted. “Thanks for sticking around, Steph.”

“Hey,” Stephanie said softly. “Of course I would.” She glanced at

the monitors on either side of the bed and then back at Leslie. “What’s

going on?”

“Oh, they’re just being careful. CYA.” Leslie trusted Stephanie,

but she had no intention of sharing the details. After all, it was all going

to be straightened out in a matter of a few hours. “By the time they

Þ nish with all their tests, I’m probably not going to get out of here until

the morning. I’ll need you to check with Bill and Þ nd out how the judge

is going to rule on continuing the trial.”

Stephanie made notes on the rest of Leslie’s requests and promised

to call her that evening with any follow-up.

“I think that does it.” Leslie leaned back and closed her eyes, more

tired than she’d realized. “Thanks. I’ll call you when I get home in the

morning.”

“Sure.” Stephanie hesitated. “Uh…anyone else you’d like me to

call?”

Frowning, Leslie opened her eyes. “Did I forget something?”

“I meant personally.”

Leslie blushed. “Oh. I don’t know that that’s necessary. But

thanks.”

“Sure.”

Feeling as if she should explain, Leslie added, “I’ll take care of

those calls when I get upstairs.”

“I understand. If you need anything, you know my number.”

“’Preciate it.” Leslie smiled goodbye, glad for the quiet and the

chance to close her eyes again.

When a cheerful middle-aged Asian man arrived to transport her

to her room, Leslie was surprised to discover that she’d slept for almost

two hours. When she was Þ nally settled and alone after repeating her

medical history yet again to the nurses and resident staff, she used the

• 24 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

bedside phone and asked the operator for an outside line. She wasn’t

surprised when the number she called rang to voicemail. “Rach, it’s me.

I know this is ridiculous, but I’m actually in…oh, I don’t know why I’m

even bothering you with this.” She contemplated hanging up and then

Þ nished in a rush. “I’m in the hospital. It’s nothing serious. Some little

glitch in my hormones or something. I’ll be released in the morning.

I know you’re wrapping up that big trial, so I’ll call you when I get

home. Don’t worry.”

As the sounds outside her room gradually quieted, Leslie lay awake

staring at the ceiling while reviewing her upcoming cases, prioritizing

her work, and rehearsing how she would explain away this event to

her partners. Several times she was aware of the ß uttering in her chest,

which she now recognized as the irregular heartbeat. She determined

to ignore it, until just after midnight when the frantic racing started and

wouldn’t stop.

v

“My God, Leslie,” Rachel Hawthorne said, looking more

aggravated than concerned when she strode into Leslie’s room just after

noon the next day. “Why did you wait so damn long to tell me there was

a problem with your going home?”

“You didn’t need to rush over here,” Leslie said. “I just wanted

you to know that I hadn’t been released yet.”

Rachel had obviously come directly from court. Her immaculately

cut slate gray jacket and skirt hinted at her statuesque Þ gure without

being suggestive. Her lustrous copper hair ß amed around her shoulders,

and her green eyes that could look so warm and seductive during sex

snapped with impatience now. Despite Rachel’s annoyance, Leslie was

glad to see her. Something as normal as Rachel’s quicksilver temper

made the situation feel normal, and the fear that had been niggling at

her all morning dissipated.

“Why are you still here?” Rachel glanced at her watch and leaned

down to kiss Leslie all in the same motion. “I’ve got twenty minutes,

and then I need to be back in court.”

“I seem to have this sensitive heart rate all of a sudden,” Leslie

said lightly. “And apparently my blood pressure problem is a little out

of order.”

“Let’s cut to the chase, darling,” Rachel said, folding her arms and

• 25 •

RADCLY fFE

canting one hip in a strikingly feminine yet unmistakably aggressive

pose. “Details.”

Leslie sighed. “I had an episode of atrial ß utter in the middle of

the night that they weren’t able to control with medication. Finally at

seven a.m. they cardioverted me.”

For the Þ rst time, Rachel looked worried. “God. Why the hell

didn’t you call me?”

“Because I knew that you were in court this morning, and there

was nothing you could have done here. They sedated me, and it was

over in a second. I didn’t feel anything at all.” She smiled. “And I feel

much better now. I’m just waiting for another cardiogram to conÞ rm

that the rhythm has been corrected, and then I’m getting out of here.”

“I’m not going to be able to wait.” Rachel closed her eyes and

rubbed the bridge of her nose, sorting through alternatives. “Is it safe

for you to take a cab?”

“I’ll call a limo service.” Leslie took a deep breath. “That’s not

what I needed to talk to you about, Rach. I know this is a bad time, but

there just didn’t seem to be a good time.”

“What?” Rachel said sharply. “What else?”

“I’m going to take a few weeks off.” Leslie looked away, then into

Rachel’s eyes. “The doctors pretty much told me I have to. This stupid

rhythm problem can be controlled by medication, but I don’t seem to be

one of the ones where it’s easy. The episodes might recur for a while.

It’s sort of unpredictable.”

“So it could happen again,” Rachel said with understanding.

Leslie winced. “Yes.”

“Christ, Leslie. What a mess.”

“Believe me, I know.”

“Well, at least you’ve got plenty of vacation time stored up. I can’t

remember the last time either of us went anywhere.”

Neither could Leslie. In the nearly two years they’d been dating,

or whatever it was they’d been doing, they’d never gone anywhere

together for more than a long weekend. Even then, they both brought

work and frequently spent hours in phone consultation.

“What are you going to do?” Rachel asked curiously. The concept

of days with nothing to do was not only foreign to her, it was vaguely

discomforting.

“It’s not exactly going to be a vacation. I talked to Rex Myers this

morning,” Leslie said, referring to the managing partner at the Þ rm.

• 26 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

At Rachel’s look of astonishment, Leslie held up a hand. “I had to tell

him something. I explained that I needed to cut back on my hours for a

short time because I just started a new medication that wasn’t agreeing

with me. Which is deÞ nitely true.” Leslie laughed shakily. “We’ve got

a regional ofÞ ce in Albany, which isn’t that far from my parents’ house

in Bolton Landing. I’m going to stay at the lake while this gets sorted

out and work out of that ofÞ ce as much as I can.”

“You’re going home home?” Rachel shook her head. “I thought

you didn’t get along with your parents. You haven’t been up there for

one holiday since I’ve known you.”

“It’s not that we don’t get along. We just don’t…always see eye

to eye on things.”

“I don’t get it. Why don’t you just stay here and work part time out

of the main ofÞ ce?”

It made sense. It made perfect sense. Leslie didn’t have words to

explain how frightened she’d been in the middle of the night when she

couldn’t breathe, when she’d felt as if her heart would pound its way out

of her chest or simply stop beating altogether. She wasn’t superstitious.

She didn’t believe in omens. But that morning, as they’d been injecting

the drug into her arm to put her to sleep while they administered an

electric current strong enough to completely inactivate her heart, her

last thought had been that she wanted to go home. She just wanted a

few days to breathe free again. She looked at Rachel and knew there

was no way her totally focused, driven lover would ever understand

that. Rachel lived to work. So did Leslie. It was the strongest bond they

shared.

She couldn’t very well explain to Rachel what she didn’t

understand herself.

“I don’t want to go into the ofÞ ce every day and have people look

at me as if there’s something wrong with me,” Leslie said, which was

partially true. So many half-truths. “I’ll get this straightened out while

I’m up there and be done with it.”

“I don’t know that I can get away, darling. You know what my

calendar—”

“I don’t expect you to.” Leslie reached through the aluminum bars

of the railing for Rachel’s hand. Her skin was smooth and soft. “I’ll

miss you if you can’t Þ nd a way to come up, but I’ll understand.”

Rachel leaned over the railing and kissed Leslie quickly. “Good.

Call me when you get settled up there. I’ll see what I can do.”

• 27 •

RADCLY fFE

“Okay. You should go before you’re late.” Leslie watched Rachel

walk out the door, wondering when she would see her again. Rachel

likely wouldn’t even miss her, not when she was this tied up in a big

case. With an increasing surge of melancholy, Leslie admitted that she

didn’t really mind.

• 28 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER THREE

Shortly after 6 a.m., Dev opened her eyes to sunshine and the

unmistakable sounds of morning in the mountains. Birdsong.

Wind rustling in the trees. A far-distant hum of an outboard motor. Her

rented cabin was the last in a row of ten similar rustic log cabins that

were situated at Þ fty-yard intervals within small clearings in the woods.

A meandering dirt path connected them to one another and to the main

lodge at Lakeview Cottages. Similar wooded trails led from each small

front porch down to the water and a sliver of sandy beach. She couldn’t

see the other cabins, most of which were still empty so early in the

season, or the lodge where the owners also lived, nearly a quarter of

a mile away. The solitude was welcome, and although meals were

included in her weekly rent, she had yet to avail herself of that amenity

in the three days she’d been at Lakeview. She hadn’t quite gotten over

her uneasiness at Þ nding herself at the Harrises’.

When she’d called the park ranger headquarters a month before to

explain who she was and the work she’d be doing in the lake area that

summer, Natalie had extended the professional courtesy of arranging

local accommodations for her. Dev had been happy to have one

fewer thing to do, her only stipulation being that she wanted a private

cabin that was as far from the popular tourist haunts as possible. She

hadn’t even considered that Natalie might reserve a place for her at

the Harrises’ secluded resort just north of Bolton Landing, and when

she’d found out, there hadn’t really been a good reason to refuse it. It

was close to the Institute’s labs, and she doubted that anyone would

recognize her. No one had.

• 29 •

RADCLY fFE

Even so, when she’d arrived to check in, she couldn’t shake the

disorienting effect that seeing the place again produced. She hadn’t

expected to be bothered—it had all been over so long ago. Dead and

buried and gone.

At the moment, though, lying naked beneath a soft ß oral print

sheet that smelled of wind and water, she was very glad to be there.

Turning on her side, she just enjoyed the beauty outside her windows.

She also reß ected on the question of why she was enjoying it alone.

When Natalie had casually asked her to dinner at the end of the workday

the night before, it had seemed natural to say yes. They’d worked well

together all day, collecting samples, planning when and where to take

others, and conversation had come easily.

Dinner hadn’t had the feel of a date, not quite. It had the feel of

two women who liked one another at Þ rst meeting, getting to know

each other better. And when they’d returned to the park ofÞ ce so that

Dev could pick up her truck for the drive back to her summer quarters

and Natalie had casually kissed her good night as they’d stood in the

dark parking lot, that had felt natural too.

Recalling the kiss, Dev knew if she’d done any more than return

it lightly and then step away, they might be waking up together right

now. She suspected that would have been pleasant. It had been a long

time since she’d met someone like Natalie, someone who might offer

uncomplicated but satisfying intimacy. It was an unusual combination,

and hard to Þ nd. Which was probably why she hadn’t had sex in over

a year. But there was no rush, and she might be wrong. Not worth the

risk.

Still, thinking about it would give her something to enjoy in the

shower. Smiling, she stood and stretched and headed to the small, neat

bathroom to start her day.

v

At 1:00 that afternoon, Dev pulled her black Chevy Colorado into

the parking lot at Lakeview, planning on a Þ fteen-minute stop to change

clothes before driving to a meeting in Troy. As she climbed down from

the cab, she nodded to Eileen Harris, who looked over from where she

was leaning beneath the hood of her dusty green Jeep Cherokee. Dev

recognized it and Þ gured it had to be twenty years old.

“Hey,” Dev said. “Problem?”

• 30 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Eileen Harris, in her early Þ fties and still looking youthfully blond

and Þ t in her baggy jeans and well-worn blue cable-knit sweater, gave

an exasperated sigh. “The damn thing won’t start. Again.” She wiped

sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand and left a streak of

grease behind. She looked even younger then. “Paul has been promising

to look at it, but you know how that goes. He’s ferrying a group of

campers out to the islands right now.”

Lake George Islands campsites, accessible only by boat, offered

some of the best recreational Þ shing, hiking, bird watching, sailing, and

camping in upstate New York. Not for the fainthearted, however, since

everything had to be packed in by water, and private arrangements

needed to be made for trips back to the mainland. If her husband had

gone out with a group, he might not be back for a while.

“I’d lend a hand,” Dev said, “but I don’t know as I’d be much

help. Can I offer you a lift somewhere instead?”

“Ordinarily it wouldn’t be such a problem,” Eileen said. “But I

have to be at the train station in Rensselaer this afternoon, and even if

I reach Paul and get him back here, and he can Þ x it, I don’t think I’ll

make it in time.”

“I’m about to drive down to Troy for a short meeting. If you’ve

got guests coming in by train, I can pick them up and bring them back.”

The Rensselaer train station stop on the Amtrak line that ran from New

York City to Montréal was ten minutes from where she was going to

be.

“I hate to ask you to do that. I imagine you must be busy.”

Dev sensed her hesitation and was embarrassed that Eileen

Harris felt uncomfortable accepting a simple favor from her. Eileen’s

reserve was probably due to the fact that Dev had avoided Eileen and

her husband since her arrival. Dev hoped she could make up for the

rudeness now. “It’s right on my way. Really.”

“Well,” Eileen said, clearly still torn. She glanced once at the truck,

then smiled gratefully at Dev. “That would be great. My daughter’s

coming in from New York City, and I hate for her to wait there or Þ nd

some other way up.”

“Your daughter.” Dev heard her voice and it sounded normal, but

she felt like she was hearing it underwater.

“Yes. Leslie. She’s an attorney in Manhattan, and she called

unexpectedly. Just this morning. It’s been a while since she’s been here,

and I…”

• 31 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev was trying to follow the slightly disjointed conversation but

she didn’t seem to be catching all the words. Leslie. Coming here.

She looked past Eileen down the grassy slope to the lake and the

boathouse. It looked exactly the same as it had Þ fteen years before. She

could actually hear the music.

The party at the Harrises’ boathouse was in full swing when Dev

arrived close to midnight. The parking lot was jammed with dusty

pickup trucks, old sedans, and even a few shiny new graduation cars

here and there. She rode her motorcycle onto the grass under some trees

and sauntered down the slope toward the music and the swell of voices.

Every teenager in the area would be there, including those who were

only living at the lake for the summer while they worked at the area

restaurants and resorts. It was the last big bash of the summer before

half of the kids there left for college.

Dev wouldn’t be leaving just yet. She’d missed the age cutoff for

starting kindergarten with most of the kids close to her age by a month, so

she still had a year before she graduated. She looked eighteen, although

she had six months to go, but she never got carded when she bought

beer or tried to get into the Painted Pony, a local drinking hangout.

The fake ID she’d gotten mail order from a place in New York City

didn’t hurt, either. Fortunately, there were so many kids in Lake George

during the summer, it was all the cops could do to keep the really young

ones under control. She never got stopped on her motorcycle, and no

one bothered about what went on at private parties.

Dev strode through the crowd that had spilled out onto the grass

in front of the boathouse, looking straight ahead and ignoring the few

people who stared in her direction. She knew she looked nothing like

the pretty girls in their shorts and pastel blouses or even the boys who

stood with their arms around those same girls, nuzzling their necks

and casually brushing their Þ ngers under the curve of their breasts,

arrogant with their male privilege. Knowing she didn’t Þ t and knowing

why, Dev wore her tight jeans smeared with engine grease, her heavy

motorcycle boots, and her frayed white T-shirt with angry pride. Her

hair was shaggy and dark with sweat. She ignored even the few who

greeted her; she had only one thing on her mind.

The boathouse, extending out over the water on three sides, was

as big as a basketball court and sweltering, the air thick with sweat and

smoke and the sexual energy of a hundred teenagers in the last throes

• 32 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

of innocence. Huge speakers in the back corners blasted Aerosmith,

and writhing bodies Þ lled every inch of the room. Most of the lights

were off and the cavernous space was so dim she could barely make

out anyone’s features until she was almost in their face, but she knew

she’d Þ nd her. She always did. It was like they were connected. Except

only she felt it.

She grabbed a beer from a row of coolers below one of the open

windows, popped the top, and guzzled half of it. It was her fourth in

two hours, but she didn’t feel it. The adrenaline rush of riding her bike

at high speeds along the curving roads bordering the lake had burned

off a lot of the alcohol. She loved the way the wind felt blasting against

her face at sixty miles an hour, like another body molded to hers. The

rush of speed and the engine throbbing and the pulse pulse pulse of the

pressure against her body was enough to make her come sometimes.

The pleasure was enough to make her forget for a little while that she

was alone.

She drank the beer and tossed the can into the corner. Leslie was

perched in one of the open windows, her face turned toward the water,

her hair blowing ever so lightly in the breeze. Moonlight highlighted

her slim form, the curve of her breasts and the arch of her bent legs so

beautiful it was like a pain in Dev’s heart. On the far side of the room,

Leslie’s boyfriend Mike was standing with a group of boys shooting

pool, his legs spread wide, posturing with the cue stick angled against

his crotch like a phallic extension.

Dev snagged two more beers and eased her way along the wall in

the near dark until she was next to Leslie at the window. She placed a

cold, sweating beer can against the outside of Leslie’s thigh and laughed

softly when Leslie jumped with a small sound of surprise.

“Want another beer?”

“Dev!” Leslie smiled and took the beer. “I thought you said you

weren’t coming.”

Dev shrugged and leaned her shoulder against the window frame.

The big rectangular window swung out on hinges and canted over the

water, the glass reß ecting the shine of moonlight on the black surface

of the lake. “Changed my mind.”

“Yeah?” Leslie sipped the Budweiser, trying not to grimace. It

was the guys’ favorite, so that was what they had at the parties. “How

come?”

“Just thought I’d hang out here for a while.”

• 33 •

RADCLY fFE

“I’m glad you came by.”

“You leaving this weekend?” Dev knew she was, but somehow

she kept hoping to hear Leslie say, No, Dev. I changed my mind. I don’t

really want to go three hundred miles away from home. From you.

But she wouldn’t, because that was just Dev’s dream. Not

Leslie’s.

“Uh-huh. Sunday. My folks are driving me down.”

Dev thought she sounded just a little bit wistful, and that made the

ache in her belly worse somehow. She dared to touch Leslie’s bare knee

ever so lightly. Leslie’s skin, damp from the mist off the water, was cool

against Dev’s hot Þ ngertips. “You’ll be okay.”

“Oh, I know.” Leslie smiled brightly. “It’ll be great. I can’t wait.”

“So you’re still gonna be a landscape architect, huh?”

“Someday. You know, after college and everything.”

Dev nodded, although she really didn’t know much about how

college worked. She wasn’t really too interested, since she Þ gured she’d

end up working in her parents’ convenience store after high school.

They expected her to help out, save them the cost of hiring someone.

Her older brother had left home as soon as he could, refusing to be tied

to the drudgery that seemed to be their parents’ lives. So Dev worked,

in his place, after school and on weekends.

She didn’t care. She didn’t think about it much. When she looked

into the future, she could never see anything except more of the same.

Her. Alone.

“So when will you be back? You know, vacation or whatever,”

Dev asked.

Even in the moonlight, Leslie’s face was shadowed. “Thanksgiving,

I guess. Not that long.”

“No, I guess n—”

“Hey, Leslie!” One of Leslie’s girlfriends shouted above the din.

“Come on, come outside. We’re gonna smoke a joint.”

Dev knew the invitation didn’t include her. Her friendship with

Leslie was something that Leslie’s crowd just ignored, clearly unable

to understand why Leslie would give Dev the time of day. After all,

Dev was a year behind them, and if that weren’t enough to make

her company less than desirable, she was strange. Different. But for

some reason, Leslie and she were always able to talk. It had started by

accident the year before when they’d shared a table during study hall.

Leslie was having trouble with a math problem, and since it was the

• 34 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

one subject that Dev could pick up just by sitting in class without doing

any work at all, she’d shown Leslie how to set up the solution. The next

day she helped her again, and somehow they’d started talking about

other things. Everything, really.

Dev had never met anyone she could talk to so easily. Leslie always

listened. Always made her feel like what she had to say was important

and interesting. They never met outside of school, never visited each

other’s homes. Never did anything social together except sit for an hour

every few days on the lawn outside school or walk down to the lake,

and talk. Except once. Just once, Leslie had ridden on the back of Dev’s

motorcycle, laughing and pressed up against her with her arms around

Dev’s waist. Dev had been nearly light-headed from the sensation of

Leslie’s breasts against her back. She cherished the memory, revisiting

it nearly nightly before she went to sleep, coming sometimes while

imagining Leslie’s arms around her.

“Go. That’s cool,” Dev said, sensing Leslie’s friend waiting

impatiently. “I just wanted to…” See you again. Tell you how hard it’s

going to be when you leave. How much I’m going to miss you. How

empty I feel inside.

Maybe something showed in her face, because Leslie said, “You

go ahead, Sue. I’ll catch you in a little while.”

When Sue made an exasperated sound and melted into the crowd,

Leslie took Dev’s hand and jumped down from the windowsill. “Come

on. Let’s go for a walk.”

Leslie only touched her Þ ngers for a second, but Dev’s legs felt

shaky. Mutely, she followed, tied to Leslie by that invisible string she

could always feel, tugging her back to her even when she knew she

should stay away.

“God, I feel so much better out here,” Leslie said as they walked

along the water’s edge, leaving the boathouse and the noise and the

smoke behind. She sat down on one of the park benches her parents

had placed around the lake for the guests and tilted her head back. “I

wonder if the stars will look like this in the city.”

Dev didn’t know. She’d never been to a big city. Her parents

never took a vacation, they never left the store in anyone else’s hands.

“Probably. I think they’re everywhere.”

Leslie turned her head on the bench and smiled at Dev. “Yeah,

probably.”

Dev didn’t mean to kiss her. She didn’t even know she’d moved

• 35 •

RADCLY fFE

until her lips touched Leslie’s. She’d never imagined Leslie’s lips would

be so warm and soft. Dev slid trembling Þ ngers over Leslie’s throat,

felt Leslie’s heart racing just beneath her skin. Then Dev was suddenly

aware of Leslie’s hand stroking the back of her neck, of Leslie kissing

her back, pushing against her so that their breasts touched through the

whisper-thin layers of their cotton Tshirts. Leslie moaned softly and

the dam inside Dev’s heart broke and everything she’d been holding

back forever spilled out.

“Oh, Les,” Dev whispered. She framed Leslie’s face with her

hands, kissed her again, angling her body onto Leslie so that their legs

entwined. Leslie grasped her waist, holding her close. Dev groaned.

“Les, I lo—”

“Jesus! Fuck!”

Someone grabbed Dev’s shoulder from behind and yanked her off

Leslie, throwing her to the ground hard enough to knock the wind from

her. Stunned, Dev gasped and fought to catch her breath. A foot drove

into her side, and she groaned and curled into a ball.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Leslie’s boyfriend

Mike shouted.

Distantly, Dev heard Leslie screaming for Mike to stop. She didn’t

care about the pain in her side or the next blow that landed on her hip,

or the next. Or the next. Nothing that ever happened to her again could

hurt as much as what she heard Leslie shout.

Mike, it was just a joke! I was just fooling with her. She doesn’t

mean anything to me. She’s nobody!

Dev blinked in the bright sunlight and stared at Leslie’s mother.

“…can’t thank you enough,” Eileen said. “As long as you’re sure

it’s no trouble.”

“No,” Dev said, forcing a smile though her face felt numb. “No

trouble at all.”

• 36 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER FOUR

Ten minutes before the Amtrak Adirondack was expected to

arrive in Rensselaer, Dev pulled into a parking slot opposite

the metal stairs leading down from the train tracks. She sat watching

the platform, Þ ngers curled around the steering wheel as if to ground

herself Þ rmly in the present, wondering if she would recognize the girl

who had Þ lled her heart and dreams for so long, grown into a woman

now. Had she known it was Leslie arriving in need of a ride when she’d

talked with Eileen Harris, she wouldn’t have volunteered to pick her up.

She doubted it would be a comfortable ride back for either of them.

Even though her Þ rst thought had been of Leslie when she’d

received the memo outlining the details and location of her new

assignment, she hadn’t seriously expected to run into her over the

summer. The last time she’d been in the area—on a onenight stopover

six years before to wish her parents well in their move to a retirement

community in Florida—she’d made careful inquiries about Leslie

Harris with some of the locals. The story had always been the same.

Leslie was one of the young, ambitious up-and-comers who had left the

provincial village never to return, and no one could recall seeing her in

years. Like Dev, she had moved on.

Leslie’s mother had said she was an attorney in Manhattan.

Dev remembered all the hours Leslie had spent explaining to her

about landscape architecture and how she wanted to create outdoor

environments where people could live in harmony with nature. She

was going to come back to the lake area and open a practice. Maybe

work with the park services. It sounded inspiring and meaningful, and

Dev had fallen a little bit more in love with her every time they talked

• 37 •

RADCLY fFE

about it. She had had no such grand designs for her own life, but Leslie

hadn’t seemed to think less of her for it. When Dev had mumbled that

she didn’t have any plans, Leslie had just smiled and said there was

plenty of time to decide.

Leslie had apparently made different choices after she’d left Bolton

Landing for Yale. Dev doubted she would recognize the idealistic young

girl now. At any rate, she would soon know, because a series of whistle

blows alerted Dev to the train arriving. A sudden case of nerves set her

stomach jittering as she watched the passengers exit the station.

She’d been wrong about not recognizing her. Leslie had changed,

just as Dev had, but Dev knew her the instant she started down the

stairs, an expensive-looking leather briefcase swinging from a strap

over one shoulder and a suitcase in the other hand. She was far thinner

than Dev ever remembered her being, her face and body sculpted by

maturity. An atmosphere of tension surrounded her. Even at a distance

her body seemed tightly coiled, wary and alert—predatory. Up close,

her blue eyes were cool and appraising. She was beautiful in a way she

hadn’t been as a teenager, the innocence having given way to razorsharp elegance. But for just a second Dev saw the air shimmering

around her and imagined she felt the tug of the invisible string that had

once connected them.

As Dev stepped from the truck, she reminded herself that that tie

had only been in her mind and that it had been irrevocably severed long

ago.

v

Leslie stopped at the curb and scanned the parking lot for her

mother’s ancient Jeep. Rensselaer was not a busy stop on the train

route, and there were only a handful of cars waiting. Her mother’s

wasn’t among them.

“Damn,” she muttered, sliding her hand into her briefcase and

unerringly closing her Þ ngers around her BlackBerry. She’d just pulled

up the lodge number, since her mother didn’t have a cell phone, when

someone spoke her name.

Startled, Leslie looked up into hazel eyes that she knew better than

her own and tumbled back in time Þ fteen years.

• 38 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie wasn’t all that surprised that the party was turning into a

drag. Mike was drinking too much as usual and generally being an

asshole. Fortunately, he was off playing pool and at least leaving her

alone for the time being. She hated it when he put on a big show of

making out with her in public. As if she was going to let him feel her up

in front of all his buddies. Yeah right.

Restless, not knowing why, she left him to his game and drifted

away from the crowd. It was so hot and stuffy in the room and the

beer was already too warm and she knew she should be having a good

time, but she wasn’t. She was sad. She shouldn’t be sad, and that just

made it worse. She’d just graduated from high school at the top of her

class and she was going to a great college. Everything was turning out

just the way she’d hoped. Well, Mike wasn’t going to the same school.

His grades weren’t good enough. But he wouldn’t be that far away

and she didn’t really mind if she didn’t see him all that often anyhow.

Sometimes, she was glad that she’d be with new people who didn’t

know her. It felt almost as if she’d be starting her life all over again, and

that part was exciting.

So why was she so sad?

She unlatched the huge wooden-paned window, swung it out over

the water, and climbed up onto the broad sill. She leaned her head back

as the breeze washed over her and watched the moon ß it in and out

between the clouds. It was amazing how bright the night sky could be.

It wasn’t really black at all, more like a dark, dark blue. It was beautiful.

She’d miss the lake and the woods and the way the air smelled like it had

never been breathed before. And there was something more important

that she would miss. Something she knew she should understand,

but she couldn’t Þ nd the words. Every time she tried, all she felt was

frustration and, oddly, fear. That was just crazy and, besides, she could

always come back, so there was no reason to feel sad about anything.

Leslie jumped at the sudden cold on her leg and heard the voice

she been waiting for all night but hadn’t expected to hear.

“Dev! I thought you said you weren’t coming.”

Even in the moonlight, the smile in Dev’s eyes was clear. As Leslie

reached for the beer, her Þ ngers glanced over Dev’s, and although she

gave it no more than an instant’s thought, she felt her sadness wash

away.

• 39 •

RADCLY fFE

Leslie Harris saw no sign of a smile in those eyes now, not that

she would have expected one. Annoyed at the uncharacteristic slip in

her concentration and where her thoughts had taken her, she kept her

expression neutral as she rapidly regrouped. The fragments of a past

that felt as if it belonged to someone else melted away like frost on a

windowpane, leaving nothing behind but an unnoticed trail of tears.

Then she was herself again, calculating and in control. “Hello, Dev.”

“Hi, Les,” Dev said.

“My guess is this isn’t a coincidence.” Leslie suspected

her displeasure showed in her voice, because Dev shrugged

apologetically.

“Your mother’s Jeep is on the fritz, and since I’m staying at the

lodge, I offered to pick you up. Sorry.”

“No, I appreciate it. Thanks.” Unconsciously, Leslie studied her

the way she would a prospective witness, searching for the whole truth,

the real story. It disturbed her when she couldn’t read anything in Dev’s

face. “I hope you didn’t go out of your way.”

“No. I was in the area.” Dev lifted Leslie’s suitcase. “My truck’s

over here.”

“Would you mind waiting just a minute while I get a cup of coffee

in the station? Whatever they were trying to pass off as coffee on the

train was undrinkable.”

“Sure. That black Chevy is mine.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“A Coke would be great. Thanks.”

God, this is going to be an interminable ride home, Leslie thought

as she stood in line at the coffee bar. Maybe I should rethink my plans

for this visit if we might run into each other again.

“Large black coffee and a Coke, please,” Leslie said automatically

while checking her BlackBerry for messages. She didn’t give a

second thought to the fact that she was supposed to limit her coffee

consumption. Upon her release from the hospital the previous afternoon,

part of the discharge instructions had been no caffeine—along with an

admonition to avoid chocolate, get plenty of rest, reduce her stress level,

and schedule the follow-up tests as soon as possible. She’d also been

given a prescription for a blood pressure med and verapamil, which

was supposed to keep her heart rate from rising too rapidly. Thus far,

her only form of compliance had been to limit her morning coffee to

three cups instead of Þ ve.

• 40 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

The fact was, she felt perfectly Þ ne.

By the time she’d gotten home the night before, she’d decided that

the severity of the entire episode had been vastly exaggerated. Whatever

had happened could easily be chalked up to a few days of excessive

stress and poor eating habits. Since she’d already cleared her calendar,

and she’d still be able to work while upstate, she decided to go through

with her plans to spend a week or two with her parents. Other than that,

as far as she was concerned it was back to business as usual.

As she carried the drinks to the truck, she observed Dev through

the window. If they had passed in the parking lot, Leslie wasn’t sure she

would have recognized her, although she certainly would have given

her an appreciative glance. Her hair was still on the shaggy side, but

Dev had Þ lled out and grown another inch or two, and she’d been taller

than Leslie even in high school. Back then Dev had been wiry and wild,

and now she was broad shouldered and muscular looking in her white

button-down-collar shirt and black jeans. It wasn’t just Dev’s body that

had changed. They had once shared effortless communication, but now

all she felt was a distant reserve. That was good, because the last thing

she wanted was a trip down memory lane.

“Here you go.” Leslie passed the Coke across the passenger

compartment before grasping the handle above the door and climbing

into the truck. Her skirt rode up to mid-thigh before she had a chance

to pull it down, but she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Dev

stared straight ahead out the windshield. Leslie was slightly and quite

irrationally annoyed at being pointedly ignored, not that she wanted

Dev to pay that kind of attention to her.

“Thanks.” Dev slotted the Coke into the cup holder on the dash and

started the truck. She pulled out of the parking lot, rapidly maneuvered

the bypasses around Albany and Troy, and headed north on Interstate

87.

Fifteen minutes passed in silence before Dev said, “Your mother

tells me you’re a lawyer.”

“Yes. I’m a partner in a law Þ rm in Manhattan.”

“Partner already. You must’ve worked your ass off,” Dev said,

duly impressed.

“Not really,” Leslie said, unbuttoning her blazer as the cab warmed

up in the late afternoon sun. She wore an off-white silk shell beneath

it, conscious of the fact that a hint of her lace bra showed through

when her blazer was open. Whereas Dev felt like a stranger— was a

• 41 •

RADCLY fFE

stranger—Leslie was acutely conscious of her presence. Even if she

had known nothing about her, Leslie would have assumed she was a

lesbian. Dev was undeniably attractive in a rough, earthy kind of way.

But the last thing in the world she wanted was for Dev Weber to have

the slightest indication that she found her attractive.

Dev looked in Leslie’s direction for the Þ rst time, her expression

one of mild disbelief at Leslie’s easy dismissal of her accomplishments.

Dev’s glance drifted down, taking in Leslie’s long legs, sleek beneath

her sheer silk stockings, and the swell of her breasts beneath silk

and lace. Leslie had turned into the beautiful woman that the lovely

teenager had foreshadowed. Maybe it was the unexpected juxtaposition

of the woman upon her memory of the girl, because Dev ventured into

territory she had never meant to revisit. “What happened to landscape

architecture?”

Taken by surprise at the question very few people in her life knew

her well enough to ask, Leslie laughed harshly. “I haven’t thought of

that in ages. It was just one of those things that kids think they want

before they know anything about life. Once I got to college, everything

changed.”

No, Dev wanted to say, it changed long before that. But then she

realized that was just her truth, not Leslie’s.

“So you like what you’re doing?” Dev asked, hoping to Þ ll the time

with safe conversation until they reached the lake and could politely

go their separate ways once more.

“I don’t know that I’d say I like it,” Leslie said, “but it’s satisfying.”

She grinned. “I like winning cases. So what about you? Are you running

the store for your parents now?”

“No, they Þ nally sold the place and moved to Florida about six

years ago.” Leslie’s question brought home to Dev how little they

knew of one another now. There might have been a time when they’d

understood each other without words, but now there was nothing

between them. “I’m working up at the lake this summer, though. I’m a

biologist.”

“You’re kidding,” Leslie said before she could catch herself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry. That was rude.”

Not insulted, Dev laughed as she exited onto Route 9 North,

the twisting two-lane lake road that she once could have driven from

memory. “No. I don’t blame you. I’m sure it’s nothing anyone who

knew me in high school would’ve guessed I’d be doing.”

• 42 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I just never remember you being interested in that kind of

thing.”

“I wasn’t.”

“So what caused the big switch?”

Dev swung into the driveway to Lakeview and parked in the lot

beside Eileen Harris’s Jeep. She shifted on the seat and met Leslie’s

curious gaze. “After the accident I couldn’t do much more than read,

and studying kept my mind occupied.”

Leslie paled at the unexpected reference to a time she assiduously

avoided thinking about. Ambushed by guilt and regret, she felt a sudden

need for air. She yanked the door handle up and stepped out in front of

her childhood home. The rambling, three-story white clapboard house

with its wraparound porches and gabled upper windows looked just the

same as it always had. Her mother, also seemingly unchanged in jeans

and a sweater Leslie thought might once have been hers, waved from

the front porch. On the far side of the parking lot the grassy slope led

down to the boathouse. The boathouse. There were some things she

couldn’t forget, no matter how much she wanted to.

Leslie looked back into the truck. “I’m sorry. So sorry. I’d undo it

all if I could.”

As Dev watched Leslie walk quickly away from her and the

painful past that had suddenly resurfaced, she heard the words she’d

never be able to forget. She’s nothing to me. She’s nobody.

And still, even knowing she’d been wrong about everything, she’d

never wanted to change any of it. Dev climbed from the truck, pulled

Leslie’s luggage from behind the seat, and started toward the lodge.

Leslie’s parting words, in the past and the present, reminded her more

powerfully than any blow that she and Leslie had never shared the same

dream. It had all been in her mind. A Þ ction created from her own need

and foolish hopes.

Thankfully, those longago dreams had been put to rest, but she

was still going to need to Þ nd another place to stay. She had never

expected that seeing Leslie again would hurt quite so much.

• 43 •

• 44 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER FIVE

Leslie stopped a step below her mother and tried to decipher the

expression in her mother’s eyes. Despite the fact that it was

only a three-hour trip, Leslie hadn’t been home in over three years, and

the last visit had been only for a few hours one Christmas. She’d never

had to lie about the reason for her absence. She always had work to do,

even if that was only a convenient excuse. There was warmth in her

mother’s eyes, but wariness too. After Leslie left for college they’d lost

the easy companionability they’d had when Leslie was a teenager.

No, Leslie reminded herself, after you decided to go to law

school.

“Hi, Mom,” Leslie said.

Eileen wrapped her arms around Leslie’s shoulders and hugged

her. “Hi, honey. I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up.”

Leslie felt the stiffness in her mother’s embrace and imagined that

her own body felt much the same. “That’s okay. I didn’t give you any

notice, after all.”

“Well,” Eileen said, looking past Leslie down the gravel walk,

“I’m glad Dr. Weber was able to give you a ride.”

Leslie turned just as Dev reached her, Leslie’s briefcase under her

arm and the suitcase in her hand. “Dr. Weber?”

Dev shrugged, coloring faintly. “Not the regular kind.”

“You didn’t need to bring my luggage up,” Leslie said, reaching

for the suitcase.

“No problem,” Dev replied, climbing the stairs. “Where do you

want them?”

“Your old room’s available,” Leslie’s mother said, “if you want it.

• 45 •

RADCLY fFE

I don’t rent that one out unless I really need to, and the lodge isn’t full

now. You’d have plenty of privacy.”

Not if Rachel manages to come up, Leslie thought. There was

no way she was going to subject Rachel to her mother’s scrutiny or

have sex in her childhood bedroom. That wasn’t exactly the way she

wanted to introduce her mother to the idea that she had a girlfriend.

Plus, even if Rachel didn’t visit, she didn’t want to spend two weeks

in the constant company of her parents and be faced with the subtle

disappointment in their eyes. “I’d rather have one of the cabins. They’re

not all full, are they?”

“Not yet, but we’ve got reservations—”

“Actually,” Dev said, wondering if the other two women had

forgotten her presence, “she can have mine. I…uh…should probably

get a place closer to the lab.”

Eileen look startled, and Leslie scrutinized Dev intently before

saying, “Mom, let’s settle the room situation later.”

“Of course. Let me double-check the registrations, and we can

decide after dinner. I’m sure I can work something out.” Eileen looked

at Dev. “I hope you’ll be able to join us tonight.”

“Thank you, but—” Dev said, scrambling for a polite way to

decline when the phone rang inside and Eileen turned away.

“Wonderful.” Eileen hurried inside, leaving Dev to stare after

her.

Leslie lifted the suitcase Dev had deposited on the porch. “I’ll

make your excuses, if you want to pass on dinner.”

“I’m that easy to read, huh?”

“You might take a little bit of coaching before I’d put you on the

witness stand.” Leslie smiled softly. “Besides, your eyes always did

give you away.”

“No, they didn’t,” Dev said quietly. “You were just always able to

tell what I was thinking. No one else could.”

When Leslie’s face lost all expression and she hastily glanced

away, Dev knew she had no good reason to put off sitting down to

dinner with the Harrises. Until now she’d avoided them because she

didn’t want the subject of Leslie and their shared past to come up. She

hadn’t wanted to be reminded, and she hadn’t wanted to talk about it.

But the past was standing right in front of her, and she couldn’t have

stopped thinking about Leslie now if she got into her truck and drove

a thousand miles away. What she needed was to understand that this

• 46 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

woman was not the girl she remembered, and whatever friendship

they’d shared had ended the night when everything in her life had

changed. Maybe a casual dinner where it would be apparent they had

nothing in common any longer would do the trick.

“Sorry,” Dev said.

“For what?” Leslie said, shifting her eyes away from the boathouse

and back to Dev.

“For bringing up old history. I’m just surprised to see you.”

“I won’t be staying long,” Leslie said abruptly, feeling inexplicably

claustrophobic. She was standing outside in the June afternoon sun,

looking out over a vista of forest and clear blue water that was still

unspoiled by the trappings of modern life. She couldn’t imagine a place

where she might feel more free, but instead she found herself trapped in

memories she had no desire to relive. “There’s no need for you to move

out of your cabin. We’re not likely to see each other. I’ll be working

most of the time, and I imagine you’ll be off doing whatever you do.”

Dr. Weber, her mother had said. Leslie could barely believe that

this woman was the angry, often sullen, teenager she remembered. Dev

had never studied in school, and her grades had shown it. Even though

Dev had almost failed her junior year, Leslie always knew she was

smart. She could tell from the things they talked about. Dev seemed to

know something about almost everything, but she never cared about

doing well in school or whether other people approved of her. That was

one of the things Leslie always loved…

“I’ll stay in the lodge,” Leslie said.

“You ought to be able to stay wherever you want while you’re

here,” Dev pointed out reasonably. “It’s your home, after all.”

“No it isn’t.” Leslie shouldered her briefcase and started to add

that she didn’t care where she slept when she felt the ß uttering sensation

well up in her chest. The surge of panic that followed only made her

heart pound faster. With a gasp, she dropped her luggage and sat down

quickly in the nearest porch chair.

“Les, are you okay?” Dev took the Þ nal two stairs to the porch in

one long stride. Leslie was very pale, but even more disconcerting, she

looked frightened. Dev knelt by her side. “Les?”

“Fine,” Leslie said with a wave of her hand. She felt just a

little bit breathless, but the ß uttering sensation was already starting

to subside. “Hot. I should have had something to drink on the train

besides coffee.”

• 47 •

RADCLY fFE

“I’ll get you something to drink from inside.” Dev started to rise

when Leslie caught her arm.

“No, don’t. My mother…”

“I won’t tell her.” Dev, stiff with shock, stared at Leslie’s Þ ngers

wrapped around her wrist. It was odd, they were exactly as she

remembered them, incredibly soft and strong at the same time. Satin

over steel. Her body remembered every place that Leslie had ever

touched, even casually, and she shuddered at the explosion of sensation.

Gently, she drew her arm away. “I’ll tell your mother it’s for me. Pepsi,

not Coke, right?”

Leslie bit the inside of her lip. Two years together, and Rachel

could never remember that, but somehow, Dev had, even after all

this time. She felt dangerously close to tears, and barely recognized

herself. Of course, she’d hardly slept in two nights and what little rest

she’d managed had been uneasy. Part of her kept expecting to wake up

breathless with that terrible pressure in her chest. She nodded, because

she needed a minute to settle herself and she didn’t want to have Dev

see her so shaken. Dev always could see too much. “Thanks. Yes, Pepsi

would be great.”

“No problem.” Dev put her hands in her pockets because she had

the overwhelming desire to touch Leslie on her shoulder, or her hair.

Somewhere, just to reassure her, or maybe herself, that everything was

all right. For a second, she’d thought that Leslie was going to faint, and

she still didn’t look quite right. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

Relieved to be alone, Leslie rested her head against the back of

the white wicker rocker and closed her eyes. She pressed her index

Þ nger over the pulse in her wrist. It seemed fast, but steady. She could

breathe again. It was hot for June. And, she had to admit, seeing Dev had

thrown her. She’d known that coming home was going to be difÞ cult to

begin with, and now she couldn’t remember why she’d ever thought it

was a good idea at all.

Since she’d changed her mind about doing something

environmentally related as a career and gone into law instead, her

relationship with her parents, especially her mother, had been awkward.

Her parents were one step up from hippies—well, old hippies now—but

she could remember riding on her father’s shoulders during equal rights

marches and carrying signs at supermarkets to protest the treatment of

migrant farm workers. As a child she used to play on the rug in front

• 48 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

of the huge stone Þ replace, listening to her parents and their friends

debate everything from abortion rights to global warming. Her parents

still grew their own organic vegetables, and the only boats that put out

from the boathouse at Lakeview other than the outboard her father used

to ferry campers to the islands were sailboats or other non-motorized

craft.

She was a disappointment to them, and she knew it.

“Here you go,” Dev said, squatting down again beside Leslie and

handing her a sweating glass of soda. “No ice and a straw.”

Dev didn’t say just the way you like it, but Leslie heard the words

all the same. She took the glass and managed to smile, although she

wasn’t certain she could take any more kindness. “Thanks.”

“How are you feeling?”

Leslie sipped the Pepsi, giving herself a few extra seconds to

chase away the disturbing disorientation that came over her every time

she looked at Dev. Forty-eight hours ago she had been immersed in

another world, a world she had chosen and in which she knew exactly

who she was. She’d been in charge, in control, sure of herself. She’d

been…satisÞ ed. She’d also been certain that was as close to happy as

she could be.

“Les?” Dev stared at Leslie’s left hand, then gently cradled it in her

palm. There was no engagement ring, no wedding band, but that wasn’t

what held her attention now. She looked from the bruise surrounding

the healing puncture site to Leslie’s face. “What’s wrong, Les?”

“Nothing.” Leslie drew her hand back, closing her Þ ngers into a

Þ st and turning her hand away so that the IV site was no longer visible.

She’d forgotten that was there. There was another one on her right

forearm, but her jacket covered it.

Dev didn’t repeat the question, but Leslie could see it still swirling

in her eyes. When she’d Þ rst seen Dev at the train station, she hadn’t

thought she would recognize her if they’d passed on the street, but she

realized now that she’d been wrong. It was true that Dev had grown

into a woman even more attractive than she’d been as a teenager, but if

Leslie had ever seen her eyes, she would have known her anywhere.

Her eyes were the same, and Leslie hadn’t exaggerated when

she’d said they always gave Dev away. When she was angry those tiny

gold ß ecks that Leslie had always coveted disappeared and her irises

darkened from hazel to gray. When she was happy, they sparkled with

• 49 •

RADCLY fFE

a hint of green as pure as new spring grass. When she was worried, like

now, the colors swirled like shadowy eddies in the lake during a hard

rain.

“Really. I’m just getting over a bug of some kind.” Without

thinking, Leslie rested a hand on Dev’s shoulder, surprised at the hard

muscles beneath the cotton shirt. They felt so different from Rachel’s

Þ rmness or her own gym-toned body. She considered herself strong,

but what she sensed in Dev’s body was power.

“There’s probably time for a nap before dinner,” Dev said, not

completely sure she believed Leslie’s story. But she had no right to

question her either. She eased back on her heels and breathed a little

easier when Leslie removed her hand. The physical contact made her

uncomfortable. “Your mother said to tell you she freed up cabin nine

indeÞ nitely. I’ll take your luggage down.”

Leslie set her glass aside and stood. “I’ll get it. You’ve done

enough this afternoon. You don’t have to play bellboy as well.”

Dev grinned. “I did that for a while in college. It paid pretty

well.”

“Where did you go?”

“Syracuse.”

Leslie smiled wanly. She had always planned to go to the College

of Forestry at Syracuse. She and Dev often talked about it when they

sat together by the lake after school. But when she’d been accepted

at Yale, where she’d only applied because her guidance counselors

had insisted, she hadn’t been able to resist the lure of attending an Ivy

League school. And she admitted now, she’d been eager to experience

something bigger than her small-town life. There’d been fewer than

a hundred seniors in her graduating high school class. She’d known

them all since kindergarten. Everyone she knew in school looked the

same, thought the same, shared the same plans for the future. Except

for Dev. Dev was the only one who was exciting and different, and their

friendship…well, that was something that had always seemed apart

from the rest of her life.

“Well, I’m sure you’ve got better things to do now than carry

luggage.”

Dev shrugged and picked up the suitcase. There was no way she

was going to let Leslie carry it a quarter of a mile to the cabin. “You’re

wearing heels, Les.”

• 50 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie made a face. “I’m used to dressing this way, Dev, and if I

can handle a sprint through JFK airport with a loaded briefcase and two

suitcases, I can handle a stroll through the woods.”

“Fine.” Dev handed her the briefcase but kept the suitcase herself.

“Here you go.”

“I don’t remember you being this stubborn,” Leslie complained,

half annoyed and half amused.

“I guess I’ve changed,” Dev said quietly.

Leslie sighed and slung the briefcase over her shoulder. “We both

have.”

Dev smiled softly. “Come on. I’ll walk you home.”

• 51 •

• 52 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER SIX

Come on, let me walk you home. Standing outside the high

school on a late spring evening, Leslie regarded the ß at tire

on her mountain bike with disgust. She looked over her shoulder at Dev,

who slouched against the base of a tall maple with both their backpacks

looped over one arm. She wore ripped jeans, her motorcycle boots, of

course, and the barest hint of a smile.

“You’d just better not laugh.” Leslie almost pouted but caught

herself. Dev would laugh then. “I can’t believe I don’t have a patch

kit.”

“You don’t have a pump, either,” Dev pointed out. “So it wouldn’t

do any good to Þ x the leak.” She raised her eyebrows as she scanned

Leslie’s pale green slacks and low-heeled shoes. “And you’re not

exactly dressed for doing bicycle repairs.”

“Ha ha.” Leslie tugged on the sleeve of Dev’s faded blue T-shirt.

“You are. Don’t you have something in your motorcycle bag you can

Þ x this with?”

Dev laughed. “They’re not exactly the same kind of tires, Les.”

“I know that, Devon, ” Leslie said with a huff, but she was smiling.

She knew Dev would change the tire for her if she had the equipment,

and Leslie would probably let her, even though she could do it perfectly

well herself. Dev liked doing things for her. Carrying her backpack and

schoolbooks when they walked down to the lake. Fixing the lock on her

locker when it kept jamming and the maintenance man kept forgetting

to replace it. Dev had even shoveled the snow away from around the

Jeep in the school parking lot one day last winter when Leslie had

driven her parents’ car to school and got snowed under. Leslie could’ve

• 53 •

RADCLY fFE

done all those things, but she could tell that Dev wanted to do it. And

she liked seeing how happy it made Dev. It was weird, but it was nice

too.

“So you know I don’t have anything that will work on a bicycle

tire,” Dev said. “We should get going. It’s going to get dark pretty

soon.”

“You don’t have to come with me. You’ll just have to walk all the

way back for your motorcycle if you do.”

“I don’t mind.” Dev glanced across the deserted school parking

lot. “It’s over a mile to your house, Les. I’m not letting you push your

bike all the way there in the dark. Besides, you can’t carry your books

and—”

“I know! Give me a ride home on your motorcycle.” Leslie grabbed

Dev’s hand. “We’ll leave the bike chained up here and tomorrow I’ll

bring a patch kit and a pump and you can Þ x it.”

For a minute, Leslie thought Dev was going to refuse. She had

an odd look on her face, almost as if she was afraid of something, and

her hand shook. Dev never let anything bother her. Leslie quirked her

head. “Dev?”

“Sure. That’ll work. Come on.”

Leslie relocked her bike and followed Dev to her motorcycle.

After Dev secured their books in her saddlebags, Dev climbed on and

held out her hand to Leslie.

“Climb up behind me. Have you ever been on the back of a

motorcycle before?”

“No.”

“Just hold on to me and lean when I lean. Just stay tight to me,

okay?”

“Okay. But let’s go for a ride around the lake before you take me

home. Do you have time?”

Dev hesitated again, then nodded. “Sure.”

Leslie straddled the motorcycle behind Dev. It was wider than

she’d realized and she had to lean forward against Dev’s back to keep

her balance. When the big engine roared to life, she wrapped both arms

around Dev’s waist. Dev jerked as if Leslie had surprised her.

“Is this right?” Leslie asked, her mouth close to Dev’s ear.

“Yeah. It’s great.” Dev glanced over her shoulder at Leslie, and

her eyes seemed impossibly dark. “You ready?”

• 54 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie nodded, feeling a tingling in her stomach as she leaned

against Dev. Nerves, she guessed. When Dev pulled out of the parking

lot and onto the road, the wind rushed around her so hard that she felt

exposed to the world in an exciting and unexpectedly scary way. She

pressed even closer to Dev, amazed at how strong Dev felt. Her waist

was narrow and Þ rm, her back broader than Leslie had expected and

hard with muscle. Leslie rested her cheek between Dev’s shoulder

blades, letting their bodies move together, and felt completely safe.

“Do you want me to take this suitcase inside?” Dev asked, stopping

at the end of the path to Leslie’s cabin.

“No, I can get it. Thanks.” Leslie took the luggage. “Do you know

if there’s Internet access in the cabins?”

Dev laughed. “Uh, Les? There isn’t even a phone.”

“Great,” Leslie sighed. “I thought by now they’d have done that,

at least. I guess I should be glad there’s electricity and ß ush toilets.”

“You’ve been living in the city too long. You’re getting soft.”

Leslie regarded Dev with indignation. “You obviously don’t know

anything about Manhattan.”

Dev grinned. “True.”

“Where are you living?”

“I’ve got a place up near the Finger Lakes. But I move around a lot

for the job, so half the year I’m practically itinerant.”

Leslie was curious about just what had Þ nally captured Dev’s

interest, but it was almost 6 p.m. and unless things had changed

drastically, her mother would have dinner ready for the family at seven

thirty, right after she set out the buffet for the guests. If she was going

to shower and catch a few minutes’ sleep, she needed to go inside. Plus,

being around Dev seemed to bring up things she hadn’t thought of in

years. On top of her fatigue, the memories were starting to make her

feel as if she’d tripped into an alternate reality. What she needed was

to check her e-mail and call the ofÞ ce. Then she’d start feeling more

like herself.

“Well,” Leslie said. “Thanks again.”

“No problem.”

In a few seconds, Dev disappeared into the trees and Leslie was

alone. She carried her bags into the small, plain pine cabin and looked

around. It was just as she remembered from her days of cleaning

• 55 •

RADCLY fFE

the units on weekends and during summers. One big room with a

kitchenette against the rear wall and a bedroom partitioned off to one

side. The tiny bathroom adjoined the bedroom, also in the rear. There

was a Þ replace on the left wall as she entered and a sofa ß anked by

chunky end tables facing it. Two large front windows overlooked the

porch and the clearing and the path that led down to the lake.

Leslie put her briefcase on the coffee table in front of the sofa

and dragged her luggage into the bedroom. The bed was somewhere

between a single and a double in size, neatly made up with a chenille

bedspread, the likes of which she hadn’t seen since she’d been a teenager.

She kicked off her shoes, draped her blazer over the back of a chair, and

slid off her silk shell. The skirt went next and then her stockings. She

stretched out on the bed in her bra and panties and closed her eyes. As

she drifted off, she was distantly aware of a tingling in her stomach and

the sensation of her breasts pressed against a Þ rm body, the muscles

rippling against her nipples.

v

Dev settled into a wooden deck chair on the front porch of her

cabin with her laptop, intending to enter data while she still had some

daylight left. She and Natalie had collected a fair number of samples

the previous day and that morning. She worked a few minutes, then

glanced to her left, squinting to see through the trees to the neighboring

cabin. It was still impossible to believe that Leslie was over there right

now.

Dev hoped she was taking a nap. Up close, she’d realized that

Leslie was unhealthily thin, with tension etched into the tight lines

around her eyes and mouth, and an aura of fragility surrounded her

that seemed totally foreign. Leslie had always been feminine, that

was true. Dev laughed. She actually used to think of her as girlie, in a

really nice kind of way, but she’d also been athletic and Þ t. Leslie was a

terriÞ c swimmer, far more ß uid in the water than Dev, who tended to

power through rather than work with the waves. When they’d run into

each other at the public beach, Leslie would almost always beat her

when they’d race for the dock that ß oated a hundred yards offshore.

Leslie would pull herself up onto the wooden platform, laughing as

she looked down at Dev, the sun and water gleaming on her smooth,

tanned ß esh.

• 56 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Jesus, let it go,” Dev muttered when she felt the old familiar ache

of longing. “You were kids.”

“They say it’s dangerous to live alone in the woods,” Natalie said,

standing at the end of the path to Dev’s cabin with her hands on her hips

and a big grin. “I guess they’re right, because you’ve only been here a

couple of days and already you’re talking to yourself.”

“Hey,” Dev said, quickly closing her spreadsheet and powering

down the computer. When she glanced at her watch she realized she’d

been daydreaming for the better part of an hour. It was already after

seven. Natalie wore low-cut jeans, a short-sleeved red blouse with

several buttons open at the top, and sandals. Her dark hair, which she

kept tied up when in uniform, was loose and longer than Dev had

thought. She looked…pretty. Very pretty. “I hope you keep that a secret.

I swear I’m harmless.”

“I’m not sure I believe that,” Natalie said with a ß irtatious smile.

“But I promise not to tell anyone about your private vices.”

Dev grinned and gave a little bow. “Thank you.”

“Look, I hope you don’t mind, I stopped by to see if you wanted to

get something to eat, and Mrs. Harris told me which cabin was yours.

Am I interrupting your work?”

“No, I was just inputting some data. Hold on a minute.” She

stepped back inside and put her computer on the end table. When she

returned to the porch, Natalie was waiting for her, her back against

one of the posts, the soft evening sunlight slanting across her face. At

this distance, Dev saw that she’d applied a light touch of makeup. And

she smelled wonderful. “I appreciate the dinner invite, but I told Mrs.

Harris I’d have dinner at the lodge tonight. I’ve been here almost a

week and I haven’t yet, so I hate to back out. I’m really sorry.”

Natalie shook her head. “That’s okay. I just took a chance that you

might be free. Some other night?”

“Absolutely. Come on, I’ll walk you back to the lodge.” As they

strolled down the path, Dev said, “I want to spend a few days out on

the islands collecting samples at eight-hour intervals. Do you have

camping gear I can borrow?”

“Sure. I’ll take care of getting the permits.”

“Can you try to keep a few campsites right next to me empty?”

Natalie nodded. “It’s still early in the season, so that won’t be a

problem. In fact, depending on where you go, you may be the only one

on the island.”

• 57 •

RADCLY fFE

“That’s great.”

“When are you going?”

“Actually, I’d like to go next week to collect the Þ rst set of samples

and then again at least once later in the summer.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“Great, I’ll give you a list—” Dev broke off as Leslie came

down the path from her cabin. She saw Leslie’s eyes go from her to

Natalie and register surprise before Leslie’s expression quickly became

unreadable. “Hi, Les.”

“Hello.”

Natalie smiled and gave a half wave. “Evening.”

“Leslie, this is Natalie Evans. She’s a park ranger. Natalie, Leslie

Harris.”

Natalie extended her hand. “I’d guess you’re Eileen’s daughter.

You look like her.”

“So I’ve been told. Nice to meet you.”

The three continued toward the lodge in silence, Leslie quickening

her pace so that by the time they neared the lodge, she was well ahead,

leaving Natalie and Dev alone.

“Was it something I said?” Natalie asked.

Dev stared after Leslie, trying to decipher her attitude. She

seemed angry, but Dev had no idea why. “I don’t think so. At any rate,

I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Well, I don’t want to keep you from dinner, Dev,” Natalie said

when they stopped at the foot of the walkway to the house. “How about

I swing by and pick you up in the morning. Say seven o’clock?”

“That sounds Þ ne. Sorry about dinner.”

Natalie rested her hand on Dev’s shoulder and stood on tiptoe to

kiss her cheek. Her voice was low, throaty, when she said, “I’ll take a

rain check.”

“Deal.”

Dev waved goodbye as Natalie crossed the parking lot and

climbed into her SUV, then turned toward the house. She was surprised

to see Leslie standing on the porch. She hadn’t noticed her before and

wondered if she’d been there the entire time.

“Your friend was welcome to stay,” Leslie said. More than just

friend, it looks like.

Dev joined Leslie. “Thanks, that’s nice of you. Maybe some other

time, then.”

• 58 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“My parents are big fans of all the park employees.” Leslie turned

abruptly and walked into the house, her words trailing behind her. “I’m

sure they’d love her.”

Leslie crossed through the entryway that opened into an L-shaped

room with the great room off to the right and the dining room ahead. A

buffet was set out on several tables along the far wall. She nodded to

the guests sitting at the small square tables scattered through the room

before pushing through the swinging doors at the rear into the kitchen.

Beyond the cooking and prep area, an archway led to a combination

sitting/dining room on the adjacent screened-in back porch. That was

where she’d always taken her meals with her family. Her mother was at

the stove now, stirring something that smelled wonderful.

“Hi, sweetie,” Eileen said, glancing over her shoulder.

“Is Daddy home?” Leslie asked.

“Down at the boat dock. He’ll be up in a few minutes.”

“Is there any wine?”

“I just opened some. White okay?”

“Yes, thanks.”

Eileen smiled as Dev entered the kitchen. “Hi. Just make yourself

comfortable out on the porch. Something to drink?”

“Whatever everyone else is having. Can I do anything?”

“Yes,” Eileen said as she handed Dev and Leslie each a glass of

wine. “Keep Leslie company while I Þ nish in here.”

Leslie and Dev sat in two wicker porch chairs with ß oral print

cushions and watched the sun go down over the lake. Dev brushed her

hand over the fabric, thinking how some things never changed. Her

parents had had the same chairs on their small back porch behind the

store. They’d had a small bit of land running down to the lake too, and

that was where she’d spent most of her time, reading or daydreaming

on the rickety, narrow dock.

“What is it exactly that you do, Dev,” Leslie asked, breaking the

silence.

“My original focus was population dynamics among freshwater

Þ sh.” She grinned when Leslie’s eyebrows rose. “I know. Sounds sort

of bizarre, doesn’t it?”

“Just a little.” Leslie laughed. “I take it that led to other things.”

“Believe it or not, it has some practical application. I study the

effects of environmental pollutants on freshwater marine life. Mostly

the Þ sh, but also the other water life as well.”

• 59 •

RADCLY fFE

Leslie felt herself slide into that place of perfect emotional control

where nothing showed on the outside. She couldn’t remember when

she’d learned to do that, but it was one of the big reasons she’d advanced

so quickly in the law. No matter what she was feeling, no matter how

unexpected the turn of events, nothing in her expression or her tone of

voice or her body posture ever gave her away. “So you work for the

state? Is that how you know the park ranger?”

“No, I’m a private consultant.” Dev stretched, enjoying the wine

and the warmth and Leslie’s company. “Right now, I’m at the Derrin

Freshwater Institute in Bolton in a short-term research position. But I

do a lot of work with the Department of Environmental Conservation

when there are concerns about industrial contamination. That sort of

thing.”

“I see.”

Dev heard the chill in Leslie’s voice. “What?” Half joking, she

said, “Are you opposed to protecting the environment?”

“No,” Leslie said carefully, “I’m primarily opposed to the

government forcing unnecessary regulations with unproven results on

private industry.”

“The government forcing…” Dev set her glass aside and regarded

Leslie intently. “What kind of law do you practice, Les?”

“I defend corporate clients, mostly.”

Dev was aware that Eileen had joined them, standing quietly off to

one side of the room. The tension had ratcheted up until it was visible

in the air. “Like the kind that violate EPA regulations.”

“Yes,” Leslie said, standing, “on occasion.” She smiled thinly at

her mother. “I’m going to walk down to the lake and tell Dad it’s time

for dinner.”

Dev rose as well, watching Leslie go, her wine forgotten. She was

trying to come to terms with the fact that the young woman she had

loved had turned out to be someone she didn’t know at all.

“Have you and Leslie met before?” Eileen asked. “Before today,

I mean.”

“No,” Dev said, then caught herself. This woman was a stranger to

her, despite their past. “We knew each other in high school. But things

were different then.”

So very very different.

• 60 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER SEVEN

Naked on top of the sheets, Dev turned onto her back and stared

at the ceiling. Though the windows were open, there was very

little breeze and the room was warm. She couldn’t sleep, but it wasn’t

because of the heat. She kept replaying the events of the day. She’d

picked up Leslie at the train station less than ten hours ago, and now

she couldn’t stop thinking about things she had assiduously avoided

recalling for Þ fteen years. Memories were deceptive, she knew that.

The sun always shone brighter, the water was always bluer, the pleasure

always so much more poignant when viewed from afar. But even the

ache of betrayal and abandonment had not tarnished the simple truth of

what she’d felt, and what she’d tried so hard to forget.

The room was suddenly too small to contain the images that

assaulted her. Leslie sitting on the bank of the lake beneath fresh spring

pines, her cheek resting on the top of her bent knees, her face soft as

she conÞ ded her dreams. Leslie curled up beside her on a bench in

the park, listening intently as Dev told her about a book she’d read or

how she planned to dress out her motorcycle as soon as she had the

money. Leslie laughing and nudging her shoulder, trying to get Dev

to crack a smile when she was pretending to be cool. Leslie that last

night, reaching for her, moaning into her mouth, burning her alive with

kisses.

“Christ,” Dev muttered, jumping from bed. She couldn’t believe

that a kiss she’d shared with a teenager could arouse her now, but it did.

She was wet and throbbing and seconds away from reaching down for

relief. Somehow, the idea of climaxing to the image of a woman, no, a

girl, who no longer existed seemed wrong.

• 61 •

RADCLY fFE

She fumbled in the dark for jeans and a T-shirt and pulled them on

without bothering to Þ nd underwear. She stepped into the boots she’d

left by the door and started down the path to the lake with the moonlight

as her guide. The water was black as it always was at night, an onyx

surface that glistened beneath a sky gleaming with stars. The water

lapped gently inches from her feet, a soothing sound like the murmur

of lovers in the dark. Dev took a deep breath and smelled pine sap and

rich earth.

The tension in her chest and groin began to ease. She remembered

who she was, where she was, and she remembered, too, how that longago kiss had ended. The phantom passion, like the taunting memory

of a lost limb, might refuse to die, but she did not need to breathe life

into it.

She took another deep breath and turned to go back to the cabin.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a ß icker of light from a hundred

feet away. The lake curved inward to form a tiny bay just below the

lodge, and the boathouse, almost as large as the lodge itself, extended

out into the water. Dev stared, wondering if the light she’d seen had

just been moonlight glinting off the water, but then she saw it again,

shining for an instant through one of the windows in the center of the

building.

It was probably one of the guests, suffering from insomnia like

herself, or a pair of lovers looking for a private place to share their

passion. But as she watched the light glimmer in one window and then

the next, she started walking toward it.

The air was still and quiet, unlike the last time she’d approached

the boathouse, and when she stepped inside, the music played only in

her memory. Still, the shadows undulated as if those longago dancers

had left their energy and their desires behind. As on that last night, she

had only one destination. When she reached the far end of the room,

she wasn’t surprised to see Leslie perched on the windowsill, her head

tilted back and her eyes closed. The wash of moonlight erased the years

from her face, and Dev gasped as the old familiar connection punched

through her.

Leslie turned her head and regarded the dim Þ gure standing by her

side. “Hello, Dev.”

“Hi, Les,” Dev said, her throat raspy. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“No. You?”

• 62 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Dev shook her head.

“I’m sorry about dinner,” Leslie said.

“What do you mean?” Dev leaned her shoulder against the window

frame opposite Leslie. A few inches of hot summer air and a heart full

of broken dreams separated them.

“It couldn’t have been pleasant for you trying to eat with all that

tension in the room.” Leslie shrugged. “I’d forgotten why I don’t visit

very often. My parents don’t approve of me.”

“I got the impression they didn’t approve of your job,” Dev said,

recalling just how carefully Leslie and her parents had tiptoed around

anything that broached upon Leslie’s life in Manhattan or her career.

Instead, Eileen and Paul Harris, a tall, thin quiet man, had questioned

Dev with enthusiasm about the Institute and her work for the Department

of Environmental Conservation.

“Is there a difference?” Leslie couldn’t quite keep the bitterness

from her voice. “After all, we are what we do.”

“Why do you do it?” Dev asked mildly.

“Because I’m good at it.”

Dev laughed. “I bet. But, I mean…what made you decide to do it?

What made you change your plans?”

Leslie hesitated, sorting through any number of answers that

would sufÞ ce while revealing nothing personal. Personal revelation was

not something she did lightly. If she was honest, it wasn’t something

she did at all. And she was very good at deß ecting conversations that

verged too close to the intimate. “You Þ rst.”

“Me? All right.” Dev paused, giving the issue serious thought.

“I’ve always liked Þ sh.”

“That’s not an answer,” Leslie said, but she couldn’t help

smiling.

“Actually, it’s the truth. When I Þ nally started studying, I realized

how much there was to learn about the things I saw every day. The lake

is part of me, I guess.” Dev sighed. “And the Þ sh, well, besides creating

interesting social orders, they’re beautiful.”

“You make it sound romantic,” Leslie said seriously.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Dev said, thinking that romance was

something she’d changed her mind about since last they’d met. “Your

turn.”

“Remember how I used to hate math?”

• 63 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev nearly gasped at the unexpected twist of pain. She wondered

how Leslie imagined she could forget anything that had happened

between them. “Yeah. I remember.”

“I thought it was because I didn’t have a logical mind. You know,

back then I wanted to work outside, tend the land, that kind of thing.

That was probably me channeling my parents’ dreams.” Leslie swiveled

on the wide window ledge and swung her legs outside the building to

dangle in the moonlight. “Once I got away, got exposed to other things,

I discovered that I was actually very good at dissecting complex issues.

I also have a knack for Þ nding ß aws in arguments.”

“So you got interested in the law.” Dev spoke carefully, recalling

how defensive Leslie had seemed earlier when the subject of her work

had come up. “So what about the rest of it? Why the kind of law that

you practice?”

“I like competition.” Leslie glanced at Dev. “It’s just a big chess

game.”

“You were always good at that, but…defending big businesses

that operate with no concern for what they might be doing to anyone

else? Jesus, Les.”

“The simple answer is that everyone is entitled to the best defense

possible, including corporations.” Leslie slid off the windowsill. “But

it’s not that simple, Dev. Sure, some of the regulations are reasonable,

even if they are almost prohibitively costly to implement. But even

my parents, if they just thought about it, would admit that government

intrusion in the private sector isn’t always the answer. In fact, sometimes

it just creates more problems.”

Dev caught Leslie’s arm as she turned her back to walk away.

“Look, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Leslie snapped. “Clearly, you and my parents are on

the side of the angels. And I’ve sided with the devil.”

“It’s not my place to judge you. Or theirs either.”

“Well, thank you very much for that.”

Dev couldn’t see Leslie’s face in the shadows, but she could feel

her shaking. Underneath the anger was pain, and Dev felt it as if it were

her own. She slid her hand along Leslie’s forearm until she reached her

hand and squeezed Leslie’s Þ ngers before letting go. “I didn’t mean to

bring up a sensitive subject.”

“Forget it.” Leslie stepped close to the window again and curled

• 64 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

her Þ ngers around the sill. She leaned out and let the breeze cool the

heat of anger from her face. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

“I saw the light. What are you doing down here?”

“Trying to Þ gure out why the hell I came home.”

A hint of Leslie’s perfume drifted to Dev. She had no idea what it

was, but it smelled like Leslie. Sharp and hot, with a hint of sadness just

beneath the surface. “Your mother said your visit was sudden. Does it

have something to do with that intravenous line and the ß u?”

Leslie’s head whipped around as she stared at Dev. “You haven’t

changed. You always did see everything.”

“I’ve changed, Les. But it didn’t take any great deductive skill

to Þ gure out something’s wrong. You almost fainted on the porch this

afternoon.” Dev lifted Leslie’s hand and unerringly brushed her thumb

over the exact spot where the intravenous line had been. “You got this

in a hospital.”

Leslie was stunned by how much Dev had noticed. She was even

more shocked to Þ nd herself telling Dev the whole story. “So,” she said

when she’d Þ nished, “I didn’t really think things through very well. I

knew if I stayed in the city I’d end up going into the ofÞ ce, and then I’d

have to make excuses about cutting back for a while. I suppose I just

wanted to preserve my privacy.”

“Thanks for telling me,” Dev said.

“You could always get me to tell you everything.”

“No, not everything.” Dev realized she was still holding Leslie’s

hand and that she had the unbearable desire to brush her lips over the

bruise. She wanted to make that visible sign of Leslie’s frailty disappear.

She wanted to erase the tension in Leslie’s face, wipe out the strain in

her voice. And because she wanted to touch her so badly, she gently

released her hand. “Did you tell your parents?”

“No. They’d only worry. Besides, it’s not a big deal.”

“When are you going to get the tests?”

“I don’t know, Dev,” Leslie said impatiently. “I have to call and

schedule them.” The whole thing was becoming more absurd by the

moment. Running home, as if there were something here she needed.

Telling Dev, a stranger, the details of this ridiculous illness, when she

hadn’t even explained it all to her lover. Rachel. God, she hadn’t even

thought to call her and tell her she’d arrived. Her whole life was badly

out of focus. “I need some air. I’m going for a walk.”

• 65 •

RADCLY fFE

“Les, it’s one o’clock in the morning.”

“We’re out in the middle of nowhere, Devon. It’s perfectly safe.”

“You don’t know that.” Dev followed Leslie outside. “You have a

ß ashlight, don’t you? That’s what I saw blinking through the window.

You’ll need it in the woods.”

“Yes, but I don’t want every moth and mosquito in Þ ve miles to

hone in on me. I can see well enough to walk back to the cabin along

the lake. That’s the way I came.”

Unasked, Dev fell into step beside her as Leslie started along the

shore path. After a moment, she said, “Promise you’ll call about the

tests tomorrow.”

“I’m going into our Albany ofÞ ce tomorrow. Once I work out my

schedule, I’ll call about the damn tests.”

“I thought you were supposed to be taking it easy. Isn’t that why

you’re here?”

Leslie laughed shortly. “Believe me, anything I might be doing up

here will be a vacation.”

“Why don’t you come out with me instead,” Dev said on impulse.

“I can guarantee it will be relaxing.”

“You want me to help you collect Þ sh?” Leslie stopped dead and

ß icked her ß ashlight into Dev’s face. At Dev’s protest, she switched it

off. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t look as completely crazy as

you sound.”

“Why not? You’re supposed to cut down on stress, right? So come

out on the lake and get some sun. That’ll probably be just what you

need to kick this thing.”

Leslie had to agree that made some sense. And oddly enough, she

didn’t really want to go into the ofÞ ce the next day. Being home, seeing

Dev again, had brought back vivid images of all the things she’d loved

about the lake in the summer. The lush, wild beauty of the mountains

and the clear, brisk promise of the lake under the summer sun had

always called to her.

“Besides,” Dev went on, “I’m not collecting Þ sh. I’m collecting

water, soil, and organic samples. Natalie’s been helping with the records

when she can get free, but she’s got her own work to do. You can keep

notes.”

“Now I know you’re nuts. My secretarial skills are somewhat

lacking,” Leslie said dryly.

• 66 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“That’s okay,” Dev said, feeling unaccountably lighthearted as

they jested like old times. “I’ll help you get the hang of it.”

“Oh, thanks.” Leslie was tempted. One day off wouldn’t seriously

cut into her productivity. Natalie’s been helping out…

“All right. Tomorrow?”

“I don’t suppose early hours bother you, do they?”

Leslie snorted.

“How about seven, then? I’ll call Natalie in the morning and tell

her she’s got a reprieve.”

“Come to breakfast at six thirty,” Leslie said, wondering if Natalie

would consider not spending the day with Dev any kind of bonus.

“Okay.”

They’d reached the juncture of the shore path and the wooded

trail that led up to the cabins. Leslie switched on her ß ashlight, but the

batteries she’d found in the kitchen drawer must have been old, because

the cone of light was very faint. She reached out in the darkness and

found Dev’s hand. With their shoulders and arms lightly touching, they

climbed up through the woods.

“Should I walk you down? It’s pretty dark,” Leslie said at the

turnoff to her cabin.

“I’m okay. There’s plenty of moon.”

Leslie hesitated, reluctant to say good night. Dev’s hand was warm

in hers and the sound of her voice in the dark was like a soft caress.

She tightened inside and heat ß ared for an instant before she ruthlessly

forced it down. God, what was she thinking? But that was just it, she

wasn’t thinking at all, and her body was clearly in some kind of crazy

rebellion. She spoke carefully, wanting to be certain that her voice was

steady.

“I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

“Good night, Les.” Dev released Leslie’s hand and made herself

step away. She didn’t want to move. The palm of her hand where Leslie

had just touched her felt naked, exposed, as if the skin were missing.

She took another step and then another and when she reached the trees

that separated the clearings around their cabins, she waited until she

heard Leslie’s footsteps on the porch and the sound of the door opening

and closing quietly.

“Sweet dreams,” she whispered into the night.

Then she slowly made her way back to her cabin, stripped off her

• 67 •

RADCLY fFE

clothes, and lay down on the bed. The room had cooled, but her body

was too warm even for the light cotton sheet. She closed her eyes and

prayed she wouldn’t dream.

Fifty yards away, Leslie sat on the side of her bed, still fully

dressed, and pressed Rachel’s number on the speed dial. She wasn’t

surprised when her call was directed to voicemail. She closed her eyes

and tried to conjure Rachel’s face. It was difÞ cult.

“Rach, hi, it’s me. I’m here.” She hesitated, trying to remember

Rachel’s schedule. Was it really just a day since they’d talked?

“I’m sure you nailed the closing. Have a drink for me to

celebrate.”

She paused again, aware of the silence stretching between them,

far deeper than just the seconds ticking away. She took a breath. “I miss

you.”

She wanted that to be true and hoped that the reason it felt like a

lie was just because she was so damn tired. Without even bothering to

undress, she kicked off her shoes and curled up on the bed. When she

closed her eyes, she heard the echo of longago laughter on the wind.

• 68 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER EIGHT

You’re up early,” Eileen Harris said when Leslie poked her

head into the kitchen a little after six the next morning.

“Not really,” Leslie said. “I’m usually in the ofÞ ce by now. Do I

smell coffee?”

Eileen pulled a tray of scones from the oven and inclined her head

toward an insulated carafe on a nearby counter. “If you wouldn’t mind,

carry that out into the dining room for the guests. I’ll put on another

pot for us.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

When Leslie returned, her mother slid a plate with a steaming

scone onto the scarred wooden kitchen table and handed her a mug of

coffee. “Still like blueberry?”

“Yes,” Leslie said, settling at the table with her coffee. She broke

open the pastry and reached for the butter. “But they never taste the

same from the bakery.”

Eileen smiled. “I thought you might sleep in, seeing how you’re

on vacation. Going Þ shing? Your dad’s down at the dock.”

“I am, but not that kind. I’m going out with Dev while she collects

some samples.”

“Really,” Eileen said carefully. “You two seem to have hit it off. I

didn’t realize you knew each other.”

“She was a year behind me in school. Her parents ran the

convenience store in Diamond Point.”

“Weber’s. Of course, I remember them, but for some reason, I

don’t remember her. I thought I knew all your friends.”

“She wasn’t part of that crowd,” Leslie said.

• 69 •

RADCLY fFE

“We’re just going to hang out down at the boathouse,” Leslie said,

watching Dev stow her gear in her motorcycle bag. The sounds of car

engines revving and friends shouting to one another surrounded them.

“Just come for a while. It’s just girls.”

Dev shook her head. “I don’t think so, Les. I should get home. My

parents will probably need me in the store.”

“It’s still early. Just for an hour,” Leslie wheedled. For some

reason, she really wanted Dev to come to her house after school. It

was hard to duck her other friends all the time, and sometimes days

would go by before she could see Dev alone for a walk or for a few

private minutes just to talk. In a couple of weeks, she’d be graduating

and summer would start. Dev would be working in the store more and

she’d be helping her parents at the lodge. It might be even harder to see

her then. If Dev would only socialize with the rest of Leslie’s friends,

Leslie could see her more. She missed her when she didn’t see her.

“Please, Dev.”

“Come on, Les. You’ll probably all be sitting around talking about

makeup or guys.”

“I promise I won’t mention Mike once within your hearing.” When

Dev’s expression tightened and she looked away, Leslie felt a surge of

alarm. Dev was so sensitive, and it was so hard to tell sometimes what

she’d said wrong. She hurried on, wanting to make Dev smile again. “I

promise. We’ll play some pool or something.”

Dev shot her a look. “Since when?”

“Hey!” Leslie grinned and slapped Dev’s arm. “I can play. I’m

damn good at it.”

Laughing, Dev caught Leslie’s wrist, and when Leslie took another

playful swing at her with her free hand, she caught that one too. “And

what will we do after I beat you in ten minutes?”

“Oh, you think?” Leslie gave Dev a teasing shove, and when

Dev stumbled back in surprise, still holding Leslie’s wrists, Leslie

lost her balance too and fell into her. They ended up in a tangle, half

sprawled over the wide tank of Dev’s motorcycle, Dev on the bottom

with Leslie’s stomach and thighs pressed against her, Leslie’s hands on

Dev’s shoulders. Their faces were inches apart. Leslie could feel Dev

breathing hard under her, as if she’d been running for a long time. Dev

was only an inch or so shorter than Mike, and her body felt nearly as

• 70 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

hard, except where her small breasts just grazed Leslie’s. Leslie felt the

tingling again, like she had the week before when she’d ridden on the

back of Dev’s motorcycle, their bodies pressed close together. Except

she wasn’t nervous this time. This was Dev, and she had nothing to fear.

So close like this, she could see that Dev’s eyes were more green today,

probably because the sunlight slanted into them, making them glow.

Leslie watched, fascinated, as Dev’s pupils widened and her lips parted

soundlessly. She felt hands skim her waist.

“You ought to get up, Les,” Dev said unsteadily, “before we tip

the bike over.”

Leslie didn’t want to move. Her breathing had speeded up, and

her heart seemed to race at the same pace as the pulse that hammered

along Dev’s tanned neck. The May sunshine warmed the backs of her

bare legs, but she was warmer still inside. Lazy and liquid and warm,

like sugar bubbling on the stove. Beneath her, Dev shivered. “Dev.

What—?”

Her voice came out thick and she wondered if she’d be able to

stand up. Her legs felt so heavy. She began to tremble.

Sounding almost panicked, Dev said more sharply, “Leslie. Get

off.” She grasped Leslie’s hips and pushed her away as she levered

herself into a standing position. “I gotta go.”

Leslie stared in an unfamiliar daze as Dev straddled her bike,

kicked the engine over, and roared away, leaving Leslie lonely in a way

she’d never experienced.

“Leslie,” Eileen Harris said, giving Leslie a concerned look. “Are

you feeling all right?”

“What?” Leslie said, looking around the kitchen as if she’d

never seen it before. She blinked and the past receded. “Sure. Just

daydreaming.”

Eileen rinsed her hands in the sink and dried them on a dish towel.

“I guess Devon wasn’t exactly the kind of girl who would have Þ t in

very well back then.”

Leslie’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean by that?”

“I didn’t mean anything negative by it,” Eileen said, clearly

surprised by the heat in Leslie’s voice. “She’s obviously intelligent and

very nice. She just seems…well, I can’t picture her as a girl interested

in the things you and your friends—”

• 71 •

RADCLY fFE

“Thanks, Mom,” Leslie said, rising quickly. She stalked to the sink

and ß ung the dregs of her coffee into it before banging the cup down on

the counter. “You make the rest of us sound like we were airheads who

spent all our time Þ xing our hair and gossiping.”

Eileen’s eyebrows rose. “I wasn’t judging you or your friends, I

just meant that she seems different.”

“Different?” Leslie folded her arms over her chest. “Different

from who? Who you think we were or who we really were? Did you

even have any idea who I was?”

“I thought so,” Eileen said quietly. “At least as much as you let

me know.”

“Me?” Leslie wanted to pace. More than that, she wanted to

scream. That was the moment she realized she was losing control, and

she very deliberately shut the door on her anger and her hurt. It was as if

a cold wind blew through her, obliterating the emotions that threatened

to cloud her judgment and disturb the balance she prided herself on

having. “This is a ridiculous conversation. Those things are long past,

and whatever either of us did or didn’t do doesn’t matter anymore.”

Eileen poured herself a cup of coffee. Quietly, she said, “Do you

really believe that?”

“Believe what?” Leslie said, comfortable now that reason ruled.

She and her mother had this kind of conversation every time they were

in the same room together for more than an hour. Since the day she’d

left for college, something critical in their relationship had changed.

They couldn’t agree on anything anymore.

“That things left undone, unresolved, don’t haunt us. That we

can just walk away from the past as if it never happened?” Eileen’s

voice was pensive, tinged with sadness. But there was no challenge, no

accusation.

“I know that people change, everything changes. We are who we

are now.” What she didn’t add was strangers.

“Well, it might be nice to get acquainted again.”

Part of Leslie wanted to believe that, and part of her wondered

how to begin. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to try. “You should

Þ nish making breakfast. All the guests will be clamoring at the door in

a minute. Why don’t I help.”

“You can get the eggs out of the refrigerator,” Eileen said, turning

• 72 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

back to the stove and sliding a large skillet over the gas burners. “Ever

hear from Mike?”

Leslie froze with the door to the refrigerator half open. “No.

Why?”

“He lives in the area and we see him from time to time. He always

asks about you.”

“I don’t think we’d have anything in common any longer.”

Eileen slit the plastic on a pound of bacon and lay strips in a castiron pan. “Are you seeing anyone special?”

There it was, the opening that Leslie needed to tell her mother

just how little she actually knew of her. She realized that her mother

was just making casual conversation, and not probing for private

information. The decision was hers—reveal herself, or preserve the

comfortable distance she had created between herself and her family,

and by extension, all that had existed up until the day she’d left for

college.

“I’m seeing someone,” Leslie said, wondering how to characterize

her relationship with Rachel. Not exactly serious? That wasn’t quite

true. It was exclusive and reasonably long term, so didn’t that make it

serious? On the surface it seemed that way, but that wasn’t how it felt.

In fact, the only word that came to mind was casual. Well, it wasn’t

necessary to examine all the details, when only one was truly relevant.

“A woman.”

The fork in her mother’s hand stilled above the pan of sizzling

bacon for just a second, then she resumed turning the meat. “Is that

something recent?” She looked at Leslie over her shoulder. “I never

realized you were interested in women that way.”

You never told me. The accusation hung in the air and Leslie

carefully edged around it. Trying to explain why she’d never mentioned

it meant revisiting events and feelings that had no place in her life

now. She slid the cardboard carton of eggs onto the counter next to her

mother. “I’ve known for a few years. Since college.”

“That’s quite a long time now,” Eileen said, the hurt evident in

her tone.

“I guess it is.” Leslie sighed, knowing she’d added another

disappointment. “It just never seemed to come up.”

“But this is what you want? You’re happy?”

• 73 •

RADCLY fFE

Happy. Why was that the word that everyone used to deÞ ne what

mattered? As if that were all that anyone should strive for, some ß eeting,

irrational, and often false emotion. “It’s who I am.” She reÞ lled her

coffee cup and started toward the door. “I’m going to skip breakfast. I’ll

see you later.” She didn’t wait for her mother’s reply.

v

Dev carried a plate laden with scones, scrambled eggs, and bacon

in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Watching the path from the

cabins for Leslie, she settled into a wicker chair on the front porch and

balanced the plate on her knee.

She jumped when a voice behind her said, “You eat like a

lumberjack.”

“It’s the air. Whenever I’m in the mountains, my appetite triples.”

Dev grinned up at Leslie, who was backlit in the morning sunlight. All

she could see was her silhouette and the halo of gold around her face.

She was angled so that the dark, smooth curve of her breast arced above

the plane of her body, reminding Dev of the mountains rising above

the lake. She swallowed, her hunger suddenly shifting to something far

more primal than breakfast. “You eat already?”

Leslie settled onto the substantial porch railing and wrapped one

arm around the smooth column that rose to the roof. She sipped her

second cup of coffee. “Yes.”

Somehow, Dev had a suspicion that coffee was Leslie’s main

breakfast staple. She wore jeans, a short-sleeved boat-neck T-shirt, and

sneakers. Although her dress was more relaxed than the day before,

nothing else about her was. Her body still looked like an overly tight

spring. Dev could nearly hear the tension humming in the air around

her.

“Have you been waiting long?” Dev asked, since she’d arrived

precisely at 6:30 a.m. She hadn’t seen Leslie inside.

“I got here a half an hour ago or so. Then I went for a walk down

to the lake.”

Dev tried a scone, which was delicious, and sipped her coffee.

“I’ll be Þ nished in a few minutes and we can get going.”

“There’s no hurry. We’re on your schedule today.”

• 74 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“No schedule. What we don’t get done today, we’ll do tomorrow.

Or the next day.”

Leslie shook her head. “Interesting approach.”

Dev grinned. “Probably not what you’re used to.”

“No.” Leslie scanned the house, then followed a couple as they

came out the front door and disappeared down the path with their arms

around one another. She blocked out the image. “Not exactly.”

“Something happen this morning?” Dev asked quietly.

“No. Why?”

“I just wondered if you were always this uptight, or if something

special caused it.”

“I’m not uptight.” Leslie frowned, thinking of all the work she

had left unÞ nished and the fact that she was essentially blowing it off to

follow Dev around. “I’m just not used to inactivity.”

“I don’t suppose you have one of those do-it-yourself bloodpressure kits, do you?”

“What?” Leslie stared. “What are you talking about?”

Dev slid her plate onto the table next to her chair and stood. “I

think you should get one. I bet your blood pressure is through the roof

right now.”

“I bet it will be if you keep being so irritating,” Leslie snapped,

sliding off the railing. “I didn’t tell you about my little problem so you

could badger me.”

“I’m sorry.” Dev resisted the urge to catch Leslie’s wrist as she

stalked to the steps. “It’s not my business.”

Leslie turned at the foot of the stairs and looked back up, shading

her eyes in the glare. “You’re right. It isn’t. Are you ready to go?”

“Let me take my dishes inside and I will be.”

When Dev rejoined Leslie a minute later, she said, “Your mother

asked if we wanted lunch packed, but I told her we’d probably be back

by then. She said to tell you to have a good time.”

Leslie sighed as they started toward the parking lot. “I told her I

was going out with you this morning. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Why would I?” Dev unlocked the passenger door to her truck

for Leslie.

“Some people value their privacy. Besides, you didn’t used to be

this social.”

• 75 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev walked to the driver’s side and got in as Leslie climbed in next

to her. She slid the key into the ignition but didn’t start it. Instead, she

turned in the seat to face Leslie, who regarded her with faint suspicion.

“That was a long time ago, Les. And I didn’t have a lot in common with

most of my peers.”

“Makeup and boys,” Leslie murmured.

“What?”

Leslie shook her head. “Never mind.”

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” Dev said quietly. “I thought

spending a few hours out on the lake might be fun for you, but I just

seem to be adding to your aggravation. I don’t want to spoil your

vacation.”

“It isn’t you.”

“I’m the only one here.”

“I had one of those mother-daughter moments this morning,”

Leslie said, the words pushing out as if they’d been under pressure to

escape. “A few moments, actually. I told my mother I was a lesbian.”

Dev stiffened and for an instant, she felt dizzy. She gripped the

steering wheel and waited for the world to stop spinning. It was the

last thing she’d expected to hear. It hurt her head, broke her heart all

over again, just to hear the words. Leslie had turned from her, rejected

her, wiped out everything they’d ever shared, because Leslie hadn’t

wanted her. Because Leslie hadn’t felt what she felt. Because Dev had

been wrong, different, queer. She’d lived with that eating away inside

her until she’d buried it, all of it. And now the past rose up to mock her

hard-won victory. How could it be that Leslie was a lesbian?

Dev reached down and turned the ignition, but her legs shook so

badly she couldn’t step on the gas. The engine idled.

The silence in the cab was stiß ing. Leslie saw the blood drain from

Dev’s face, and she wondered if Dev felt as her mother did, that the past

was a ghost that haunted the present until the injustices were atoned

for. Some of their ghosts, Dev’s and hers—perhaps all of them—were

shared, and she had no idea how to exorcise them. When Dev Þ nally

turned to stare at her, her eyes held more sorrow than Leslie could bear.

Knowing she was the cause, she had to look away. “I didn’t know,

Dev.”

“It’s not your fault,” Dev whispered.

• 76 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie shook her head and forced herself to face Dev. “It was. You

know it was.”

“Les—”

“You almost died, Dev. Because of me.”

• 77 •

• 78 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER NINE

The fog had rolled in off the water, as it often did in the

mountains, and the combination of the haze and the pain and

the beer made it so hard to focus on the narrow sliver of blacktop that

ß ickered in and out of Dev’s sight. Her side ached like a bad cramp

from running too hard and too far, the beer rolled around in her stomach

in search of a way out, and she hurt. God, how she hurt. The echo of

Leslie’s words shredded her heart. She’s nothing to me. She’s nobody.

Dev blinked back tears, but her vision was no clearer. She burned

with hot shame and guilt for what she’d done. She hadn’t meant to. She

hadn’t meant to kiss her. Not even to touch her. No. Not true. She could

admit it now, couldn’t she? After what she’d done. She’d wanted to

touch her. For so long. She hadn’t thought of anything else for months

except seeing Leslie, being close to her, stealing accidental touches.

She thought of nothing but her smile. Not true. Stop lying. She thought

about her eyes, how soft they got when Leslie was telling her some

special secret. She thought about the curve of her lips, the way they

parted in surprise and grew moist when she laughed. She thought about

her breasts, the way they rose beneath her T-shirt and swayed just a

little in her bathing suit.

Dev choked back a groan and revved the engine harder. She knew

the road by heart, she didn’t need to see it. She leaned into the turns,

so low her knee nearly dragged over the road surface. Admit it. Tell the

truth. She’d thought about Leslie’s breasts, and her hips, and what lay

between her thighs. She’d thought about touching her there while she’d

touched herself. At Þ rst she hadn’t understood, had pretended not to

recognize what she felt. But after a while, she couldn’t pretend that the

• 79 •

RADCLY fFE

ache in the pit of her stomach and the hot hard longing between her legs

wasn’t because of Leslie.

Tears streamed from her eyes. She’s nothing to me. Distantly, she

heard the sound of an engine roaring. Bright lights slashed into the fog,

blinding her. She torpedoed into the Þ rst curve of an S-turn hard and

fast, Þ ghting to keep the big machine upright. She hurt. She felt sick.

The roaring sound was inside her.

Metal screamed over the pavement, showers of sparks ß ared like

Þ reworks on the Fourth of July, and she was burning. Burning with

shame. Burning with pain. Burning with the unspeakable agony of

loss.

Dev bolted from the truck and made it as far as the trees at the edge

of the parking lot before she vomited. Shivering, she leaned with one

arm against the rough bark and fought down the next swell of nausea.

“Oh my God, Dev!” Leslie skidded to a stop a few feet away,

afraid to touch her. “Dev, what—”

Not turning around, Dev waved her off. “Go away. I’m okay.” She

didn’t feel okay. She felt like her legs might give out. She hadn’t felt

anything like this since she’d come to in the hospital three days after

the accident. Even then, her body had been so wracked with pain, she

hadn’t felt the excruciating wrench of betrayal until weeks later. Then

it had seemed unending.

“I’m sorry,” Leslie said miserably. “God, I didn’t mean— If I’d

known, I wouldn’t have told you.”

“It’s not because of what you said.” Dev wiped her mouth on the

back of her arm and slumped onto the grass a few feet away. She leaned

against another tree and closed her eyes. “Bad memories. It’s been a

long, long time since it’s been this bad.”

Leslie caught her bottom lip between her teeth. She wanted to cry.

Nothing, nothing ever made her want to cry. Not for years and years.

Not like this, not from some place deep inside her where it felt as if

wounds never healed and wrongs were never righted. She hurried down

to the truck and pawed through the cooler Dev must have placed in the

back earlier. She pulled out a soda, popped the top on her way back to

Dev, and knelt down close to her. “Here. Coke.”

“Thanks.” Dev opened her eyes, took the soda, and drank half of

it down. She caught a glimpse of Leslie’s eyes, huge and Þ lled with

sorrow. Leslie was pale, and Dev wanted to stroke her cheek, wanted it

• 80 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

as much as she had Þ fteen years before, and just as then, she knew she

couldn’t. “Don’t go back there, Leslie. Don’t hurt for the past.”

“I let you ride off on that motorcycle,” Leslie whispered. “I knew

you shouldn’t drive. I knew it was wrong. I let you go.”

“I climbed onto that bike, Les.” Dev Þ nished her soda and crushed

the empty can in her Þ st, resting it on top of her knee. “There’s nobody

responsible for that except me.”

“I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

Dev shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize for not feeling

the way I felt. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Dev took a deep breath

and hoisted herself up. “If you don’t mind, I’m going back to the cabin

and get cleaned up. Why don’t we postpone our trip to the lake.”

“Of course.” Leslie stood, reminding herself they were adults now

and what had been between them had ended on a dark night during the

last moments of their innocence. “Are you all right? I can walk you

back.”

“No.” Dev shook her head with a small smile. “I’m okay. I

apologize for the little scene. That’s not normal for me.”

Leslie laughed humorlessly. “I don’t quite know what’s happening,

but I haven’t felt like myself since the moment I arrived.”

“Well, don’t let me add to your troubles. I never blamed you then.

I certainly don’t now.”

Leslie watched her walk away, wondering if Dev realized that

before she’d jumped from the truck she’d been crying. Tears that fell in

silence, bridging the years as if they’d never passed. Leslie had wanted

to brush them from her cheeks, but she’d been afraid to touch her,

knowing instinctively that Dev was somewhere far away. Somewhere

that Leslie could not join her, because she’d forfeited that right when

she’d closed her eyes, closed her heart, and let Dev walk away alone,

carrying the pain for both of them.

Dev was gone now, and Leslie was left wishing what she’d wished

so many times since she’d Þ nally admitted who she was. She wished

she could take back the lies.

Her BlackBerry vibrated on her hip and she automatically scanned

the readout. Rachel.

“Hi,” Leslie said.

“I got your message. It’s hell down here. The Dow Corning case

Þ nally got on the docket and I’m scrambling to get experts lined up. Of

course, summer’s coming and everyone is suddenly unavailable.”

• 81 •

RADCLY fFE

“Some people have a life,” Leslie murmured as she walked down

the long slope toward the water, scanning the shore for Dev’s Þ gure.

“What? Missed that. I’m in the parking garage.”

“Nothing.”

“You must be bored out of your mind by now.”

Leslie laughed. “It’s different.”

“When are you coming home?”

Home. Leslie considered the word. She and Rachel didn’t live

together. They didn’t share a home. Her condo, where she slept and ate

and worked, felt like an extension of her ofÞ ce. If she had a home, it

was her ofÞ ce. That’s where she really lived. That’s where she was the

person she had become. She should leave. She should go back to being

herself.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Well, keep me informed. Listen, darling, I have to run. Call me.

Oh, how are you feeling?”

“I’m Þ ne.” Leslie wondered why lies so patently transparent were

actually believed.

“Wonderful. Bye, darling.”

“Yes. All right. Bye.”

Leslie walked out onto the dock and sat on the edge in the sun.

The water that lapped two feet beneath her was so clear she could see

the sandy bottom. Schools of minnows darted just under the surface.

She heard Dev’s voice. I’ve always liked Þ sh.

“Oh, Dev. Why didn’t I know?”

v

Dev looked up from where she knelt on the bank at the sound of

footsteps behind her. She waved, feeling a bit of her melancholy lift

when Natalie sauntered down the trail. She was in uniform, her cuffs

buttoned neatly at the wrists, her name tag above her left breast pocket,

various patches denoting department and rank sewn onto her sleeves.

Her dark hair was twisted into a loose bun at the back of her neck and

held with a plain gold clip. Her smile was radiant.

“Hey,” Natalie said. “I thought that was your truck up there in the

turnoff. Weren’t you going out on the lake today?”

“Change in plans. I’m doing a little close-in work instead.”

• 82 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Uh-huh.” Natalie squatted down beside her. “You could’ve called

me.”

“Something tells me you have better things to do than babysit me.

But thanks.”

“Other things.” Natalie skimmed her Þ ngertips along Dev’s jaw.

“DeÞ nitely not better. How about I collect on that rain check tonight.

Dinner?”

Dev hesitated. Natalie’s message was clear. And honest. She owed

her the same. “I think I’d be lousy company.”

“You’d be surprised what a decent dinner and a good wine can do

for your mood.” Natalie stood, reaching for Dev’s sample case as Dev

collected the rest of her gear. “There’s a nice little restaurant on the lake

about ten miles north of here. Tables outside on a patio. Great view of

the sunset.”

Dev was tempted. She didn’t look forward to an evening alone in

her cabin with her thoughts because she couldn’t be certain she could

keep her mind off Leslie Þ fty yards away. She deÞ nitely did not want to

have dinner at the lodge. “Dinner sounds good. There’s one thing you

need to know, though.”

“Oh?”

“Besides the fact that I like you, it hasn’t escaped my notice that

you’re very attractive.”

“Good. I’m glad you noticed.” Natalie smiled, and after a quick

look over her shoulder, kissed Dev softly. “As I’ve mentioned, more

or less, I happen to think you’re very attractive too. As in keeping-meawake-at-night attractive.”

“I’m not sure going there’s a good idea,” Dev said.

“Dinner Þ rst,” Natalie said easily. “After that we’ll see.”

“That okay with you?”

“Yes.” Natalie nodded and ran her Þ ngers up and down Dev’s arm

before stepping away. “It really is. I’ll pick you up in an hour and a

half.”

“Okay,” Dev said, taking her at her word. She waved goodbye as

Natalie drove off, then loaded her gear and headed back to Lakeview.

She circled around on the lake path so she could get to her cabin without

passing in front of Leslie’s. She didn’t want to see her again for a while.

Until she had time to get everything back where it belonged, safely

locked away behind the walls she’d constructed.

• 83 •

RADCLY fFE

v

Six hours later, when she and Natalie walked hand in hand down

the main path toward her cabin, Dev was pretty sure she’d succeeded in

Þ nding her balance again. The restaurant had been everything Natalie

had promised. The food was excellent, the view breathtaking, and the

weather had cooperated, remaining warm until well after sundown so

that they were able to linger over dinner under the stars. The evening

was still comfortable although cooling, and the moon nearly full, so she

didn’t need the ß ashlight she’d picked up from her truck when she and

Natalie had returned.

As with every other time they’d spent together, it had been easy.

Natalie was easy to talk to. Easy to laugh with. Very easy to look at.

Very easy to kiss, Dev thought as Natalie stopped her with a tug

on her hand, then leaned into her and slid both arms around her neck.

Natalie’s mouth was soft and warm, her tongue a delicate tease along

the edge of Dev’s lips. Her breath was sweet, her body Þ rm in the

way of a well-toned athlete, yielding in the way of a woman. Natalie

hummed an appreciative sound in the back of her throat and tightened

her Þ ngers in Dev’s hair. The kiss ratcheted up a notch and Dev felt a

trickle of warning. She eased her head back.

“We’ll attract bears if we keep this up out here. Come up to the

cabin and let me give you that nightcap I promised.”

Natalie laughed. “We’ll attract something, I suppose. Yes, let’s get

more comfortable.”

Once inside, Dev went to the tiny kitchen and reached into the

cabinet over the sink for the brandy she’d stored there. Natalie’s arms

came around her from behind and she felt the Þ rm press of Natalie’s

breasts against her back. For just a second, she was back on the

motorcycle with Leslie behind her. The memories were coming so hard

and so fast in the last few days; she couldn’t seem to stop them from

streaming through her mind. Things she hadn’t thought of in years felt

as if they’d happened yesterday. She shivered.

“Dev?” Natalie stepped back and waited for Dev to turn. She

regarded Dev quizzically. “You just went somewhere, didn’t you?”

“How did you know?”

“I felt it.”

“Sorry.”

• 84 •

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“Like I said. Dinner. And after that we’ll see.” Natalie held out her

hand for the brandy. “Let’s go outside and toast the moon.”

“Yeah,” Dev said. “Let’s do that.”

“I probably should’ve asked this before now,” Natalie said as they

sat side by side on the top step of Dev’s porch, “but are you involved

with someone?”

“No.”

“On the serious rebound?”

Dev laughed. “Not that either. I don’t get…seriously involved.”

Natalie shifted sideways to look at Dev’s face. “Never?”

“Nope. Just not my thing, I guess. I probably should’ve told you

that before now.”

“I don’t see why,” Natalie said, laughing. “We just had dinner.

That’s not exactly grounds for posting the banns.”

“Still, you should know.”

“What I know,” Natalie said, setting her glass aside, “is that I like

you and I like kissing you. That’s quite a lot for a week.”

“I suppose it is,” Dev murmured as Natalie moved closer. Part

of Dev’s mind yielded to the pull of the moon, and the warm fragrant

breeze, and Natalie’s sweet, hot kisses. But deep inside, she remained

remote and untouched. And it was that part of her that Þ nally pulled

away. “You’re hard to resist.”

“Do you want to?” Natalie’s voice was breathy and low.

“Yeah. I think I better.”

“I can think of a million arguments against that,” Natalie said,

caressing the back of Dev’s neck. “Some of them, you might even

buy. But”—she kissed Dev’s cheek—“it’s a long summer. Wanna walk

me back to my car, or should I have another brandy and sleep on the

couch?”

“Is that a trick question?”

Natalie laughed.

v

Leslie knew she should go inside. It was chilling fast, and even

the blanket she’d pulled around herself when she curled up in the porch

chair wasn’t keeping her warm. After parting with Dev in the parking

lot that morning, she’d used the wireless connection at the lodge to

download work from the ofÞ ce, and she’d kept busy for the rest of

• 85 •

RADCLY fFE

the day and evening. She’d worked straight through dinner and Þ nally

relaxed with a bottle of wine out on her porch. Dev’s cabin had been

dark until after eleven, when the lights came on. A few minutes later

she caught the murmur of conversation, although she couldn’t hear

any words. However, she could make out the unmistakable sound of

feminine laughter.

She told herself that she was glad Dev had company and that

she was feeling better. She meant it, too, at least part of it. When she

heard the quiet thump of a door closing and the voices disappeared, she

Þ nally dragged herself inside in search of sleep. Lying alone in the dark,

images that she’d thought long ago expunged returned to haunt her.

Half dragging Mike back to the boathouse while he raged and accused

and she denied and pleaded. The ß eeting glimpse of Dev staggering to

her bike and careening from the parking lot. The look of broken despair

on Dev’s face.

Leslie closed her eyes tightly as the frantic ß uttering in her chest

stole what remained of her breath. Grief and guilt felt so much the

same, she could no longer tell them apart.

• 86 •

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CHAPTER TEN

Natalie was a light sleeper and the quiet movements across the

room woke her. She turned on her side beneath the cotton

blanket and watched Dev making coffee. She could have told her she

was awake, but she was enjoying the opportunity to observe her. Dev

wore a T-shirt that had seen better days—hell, better years—and a pair

of faded plaid boxers. She was barefoot, and muscles rippled in her

arms and thighs as she stretched and reached into cabinets. Her hair was

wet from the shower and a shade darker than usual, slicked back behind

her ears and curling in small tendrils over the back of her neck. Those

delicate strands gave Dev an unexpectedly vulnerable look, and Natalie

felt a dangerous stirring in her heart. The stirring in her loins that the

sight of Dev always elicited didn’t bother her. Lust was a familiar and

not unwelcome sensation. It assured her that her heart was beating and

that all systems were functioning. If she’d looked at Devon Weber and

felt nothing, she’d have been worried.

However, what she did not want was to look at Dev and feel that

little twisty sensation in the pit of her stomach and the tightening in the

center of her chest that spoke not of lust, but longing. Especially not

with the signals that Dev had been sending, which were not so much

mixed as cloudy. Natalie sensed Dev’s attraction and her desire, but

something held her back. Something that she was willing to bet Dev

wanted very much but couldn’t, or wouldn’t, admit.

I don’t get seriously involved, Dev had said.

Maybe not now, but once she had. Natalie was certain of that.

Somewhere, sometime, there had been a woman who had mattered.

And whoever she had been, she’d left indelible marks.

• 87 •

RADCLY fFE

There were other marks too. Ones she hadn’t expected. A series

of scars crisscrossed Dev’s right thigh below her boxers, twisting as

far down as her knee. The pale white rivulets were faded reminders

of some distant injury, and Natalie ached to think of what might have

caused them. She caught back a murmur of sympathy.

Dev turned and smiled. “Hey. Good morning. Sorry, I didn’t mean

to wake you.”

Smiling back, Natalie consigned whatever history lay beneath

those scars to the past. Dev was here now and looking very sexy.

Natalie extended her arms over her head, arched her back, and stretched

beneath the blanket with a contented purr. She was naked, and she

could tell from the ß icker of Dev’s eyes down the length of her body

and quickly back up to her face that the thin covering didn’t do a whole

lot to camouß age her shape. “No problem. You’re a nice sight to wake

up to.”

“Can I tempt you with coffee?”

“You can tempt me with just about anything.”

Dev laughed. “I trust the couch and the brandy left no ill

effects?”

“Not a one.” Natalie swiveled around to sit up, holding one corner

of the blanket between her breasts. “I feel great.”

Dev thought she looked great too. Her eyes and mouth were soft in

the early morning light, her dark hair framing her face like an invitation.

She was beautiful and warm and Dev wondered why she didn’t cross

the room to her and lift the blanket away and accept what Natalie was

offering. Tenderness and shared pleasure. Natalie had asked for no

promises, made no demands.

Maybe it was because Dev liked her, really liked her in a way that

she rarely experienced because she seldom made close friends, that she

didn’t. Shouldn’t she have something to offer too? Shouldn’t there be

something more than desire?

As if reading her mind, Natalie said quietly, “Sometimes things

are enough just as they are, Dev.”

Dev poured coffee into two white ceramic mugs with I ♥ Lake

George on the side. “Black, right?”

Natalie nodded.

“Just in case you thought otherwise,” Dev said, setting Natalie’s

coffee on the maple Americana end table beside the couch, “it’s not

• 88 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

about you.” She leaned down and softly kissed Natalie. “I’m a little

turned around these days. Sorry.”

“Thanks for the coffee.” Natalie didn’t reach for her because she

had a feeling if she pushed just a little harder than she had been, Dev

would relent. And it wasn’t about having her. Not entirely. She wanted

her, but not like that. Not when she knew something inside Dev would

end up hurting more. “I understand, by the way. If you want a sounding

board sometime, anytime, I’m available.”

“Thanks, but it’s something that talking won’t change. Just some

old stuff that needs to stay in the past, where it belongs.” She retrieved

her own coffee and sipped. “I know the minute you drive away, I’ll feel

like an idiot.”

“Good. You should.” Natalie wrapped the blanket around herself

and stood. “I’m going to take a shower. Do you have time to wait?”

“Sure. They make a good breakfast at the lodge. How about it?”

“I’ll be ready in Þ ve.”

v

Leslie awakened just before six, relieved to see the morning. The

night had been Þ lled with fragmented dreams and disturbingly erotic

half-formed images of making love with Rachel who became Dev

who became Mike who became Leslie herself in an endless loop of

increasingly frantic and unrequited desire. More distressing still, her

body thrummed heavily with lingering arousal. Surprised, she traced

her Þ ngers between her legs and discovered that she was wet. The ER

doctor had clearly been right when he’d said hormones might be at the

root of her heart and blood pressure problems, because something was

deÞ nitely amiss with her body.

While she enjoyed sex, it wasn’t something she ordinarily paid

much attention to. Certainly thoughts of making love never occupied

her conscious mind or disturbed her concentration. She couldn’t ever

remember feeling as if she needed sex. When it occurred, it was a

pleasurable interlude. Even on the infrequent occasions when she

and Rachel spent the entire night together, she couldn’t recall waking

aroused, not even with Rachel’s body against hers. Rachel particularly

enjoyed sex in the morning, so they made love then, but Rachel always

initiated it. Leslie apparently was a good partner, as Rachel always

• 89 •

RADCLY fFE

seemed satisÞ ed. As for herself, Leslie found being intimate with Rachel

pleasant, and she almost always achieved orgasm. And then it was over

and she was free to focus on the things that did occupy her mind.

She never woke up with the urge to be touched. Not like she had

right now.

“What I have,” Leslie muttered as she abolished the remaining

pieces of the dream and headed for the shower, “is way too much time

on my hands.”

No wonder she never took vacations. She was mentally and

physically completely out of sync. As she twisted on the shower knobs,

she spoke aloud as if that would ensure results. “All that’s about to

change. What I need is a trip to the ofÞ ce.”

By 6:30 a.m., she was dressed in casual business attire—slacks

and blouse and low heels. Briefcase in hand, she started along the path

to the lodge, intent on regaining control of her life. When she ran into

Dev and her overnight guest, she realized that her plan might turn out

to be a bit more challenging than she anticipated. Dev’s companion

had her arm loosely around Dev’s waist, and she looked relaxed and

comfortable. ConÞ dent.

Leslie greeted them both politely, surprised when Dev blushed.

Natalie reintroduced herself, although Leslie remembered her name

quite well.

“Going to work?” Dev asked.

“Yes,” Leslie said as they moved on as a group. She could have

walked ahead, but why give the impression that anything about the

situation bothered her? Dev had every right to entertain women in her

cabin. Why should she care who Devon Weber slept with?

“A working vacation?” Natalie asked pleasantly.

“More like a working visit.” Hoping to divert attention from

herself, Leslie asked, “How is the season going for you?”

“It’s gotten off to a better start than most,” Natalie said, shooting

a quick smile in Dev’s direction. “With the economy the way it’s been

recently, we expect more people to opt for less expensive vacations. It’s

getting busy and should stay that way all summer.”

“Do you have time to join us for breakfast, Les?” Dev asked,

slowing as they climbed the steps to the lodge.

Leslie opened the door and held it while Natalie stepped inside.

She glanced up at Dev, who hesitated in the doorway by her side. “No,

• 90 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

thanks. I’m just going to grab some coffee and see if I can borrow my

mother’s car. Hopefully, my father’s revived it.”

“If not, you can take my truck.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it, but I can always rent a car.”

“The offer’s open anytime.” Dev glanced after Natalie, who had

settled at a table on the far side of the room. “What about the other?”

“The other?” Leslie frowned, then realized Dev was asking about

her health and the yet-to-be-scheduled tests. “Oh. That. Just as soon as

I check in with the ofÞ ce up here. I’m not really sure how long I’ll be

staying, so if I don’t see you again, have a good summer.”

“I got the impression you were going to be here a few weeks.”

“The peace and quiet are starting to get to me.”

“Leslie, if it’s me—”

“It’s not you, Dev,” Leslie said sharply. How many more times

could she let Dev accept the responsibility for the pain they couldn’t

seem to stop causing one another? “Really. I need to get on the road

before trafÞ c gets heavy.” She gestured toward Natalie with a slight tip

of her chin. “Your friend is waiting.”

Dev grabbed Leslie’s hand before she could move away. “Your

mother has my cell phone number. Call me if you need my truck. Or

anything.”

Leslie closed her eyes and sighed. “Dev. You always were way

too nice.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve grown out of that.”

“I don’t think so.” Gently, Leslie drew her hand away. “Take care,

Dev.”

Dev followed Leslie with her eyes as Leslie disappeared into

the kitchen. After pouring a cup of coffee from the large urn on the

sideboard, she joined Natalie. “Ready to hit the buffet?”

“DeÞ nitely.” As they waited for the few people ahead of them to

Þ ll their plates, Natalie said, “Looks like you and Leslie have history.”

“We went to high school together. How did you know?”

“You can always tell. The way you look at each other, the shorthand

sentences. You know the sort of thing.”

Actually, Dev didn’t. She hadn’t had any friends other than Leslie

in high school, and since then, the people whose acquaintances she’d

made were just that. Acquaintances. But she didn’t comment. She was

thinking that Leslie looked even more run down and pale than she had

• 91 •

RADCLY fFE

when she’d Þ rst arrived. And she was willing to bet money that Leslie

wouldn’t schedule the tests that she was supposed to get.

Just then, Leslie came out of the kitchen, travel mug in hand, and

strode briskly through the dining room and out the front door. Dev

wanted to go after her. Leslie had said she might be leaving soon. That

thought left Dev feeling hollow, until she reminded herself she was

being ridiculous. In fact, Leslie leaving was the best thing that could

possibly happen. Then they could both get on with their lives without

constantly reminding one another of something that had happened long

ago, but that still apparently had the power to hurt them both. Leslie

was doing the right thing. Making the correct choice. Dev took a deep

breath, absorbing that simple realization and enjoying the peace that

went with it.

“Do you happen to have my permits for camping on the island?”

Dev asked.

Natalie looked startled at the abrupt change in subject, but nodded.

“That and the gear you’ll need to stay for four or Þ ve days. Everything

should be set for you by tomorrow.”

“Good. Then I’ll head out the day after tomorrow.” Getting away

from Lakeview and the memories that had sprung to life around her

was just what she needed, especially if Leslie was leaving. With any

luck, she could get back to work without constantly seeing Leslie’s face

in her mind or hearing her voice or just…remembering.

“Thursday. Hell,” Natalie said. “I have to be in meetings almost

all day. But I can get someone else to run you out—”

“No problem. I’m pretty sure Paul Harris will be able to do it.”

Dev touched Natalie’s shoulder. “Believe me, you’ve been a huge help

already.”

“It’s no hardship.” Natalie reached under the table and brushed her

Þ ngers along Dev’s thigh. “I told you that the Þ rst day. Remember?”

“I do seem to recall something like that.”

Natalie stopped her teasing caress just short of Dev’s crotch. She

wasn’t usually so blatant in her seduction tactics, but Dev got to her in

ways that other women didn’t. As much as Dev held back physically,

she didn’t hide what she was feeling. Or maybe she couldn’t. Natalie

had seen the way Dev looked at Leslie Harris, and watching Dev’s

face when Leslie had disappeared out the front door, she’d Þ nally

understood the phrase wearing your heart on your sleeve. Dev probably

• 92 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

didn’t realize it, but when she looked at Leslie, her eyes were Þ lled with

helpless longing.

“Were you out in high school?” Natalie asked, suddenly getting

the picture. But Dev couldn’t possibly be carrying a torch all these

years, could she?

“No,” Dev said, her voice hoarse. “I didn’t know anyone who was

gay. I didn’t really understand myself, what I was feeling, not for sure

until…” The night I kissed her.

The pain in Dev’s face was so naked, Natalie ached. Obviously

she’d been wrong about the importance of whatever Dev had felt

back then. Impulsively, she covered Dev’s hand where it rested on the

tablecloth. “Never mind. Water under the bridge, right?”

“Absolutely,” Dev said, thinking that until a few days before, she’d

believed that. She drained her coffee and pushed her uneaten plate of

food away. “Thanks for last night. It was just what I needed.”

Natalie held Dev’s eyes and let Dev see what was in hers. Her

interest. Her desire. Last night had been great. What she might as well

admit was that she wanted more than kisses. She wanted more than a

night or two of pleasure with Dev’s great body. She wanted to be the

one to erase the hurt in her eyes. And that was dangerous thinking. But

then, anything worth having was worth the risk of a few bumps and

bruises. “So let’s do it again soon and see what else you might need.

Tonight? Tomorrow?”

Shaking her head, Dev pushed her chair back, her legs stretched

out in front of her. “I’ve got a couple of solid days’ work at the lab

before I head out to the islands. How about another rain check?”

Natalie let her eyes wander up and down Dev’s body, taking her

time and not bothering to hide exactly what she was thinking. “I’ll pray

for storms.”

Laughing, Dev rose. “Don’t let the tourists hear you say that.”

On the way out, Dev waved to Eileen Harris, who stood in the

doorway between the kitchen and the dining room, watching them with

a pensive expression.

• 93 •

• 94 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER ELEVEN

At just after 6 p.m., Dev turned down the driveway to Lakeview.

She’d had a good day at the lab. Arno Rodriguez, her summer

intern from Oswego State College, had shown up and proved to be

eager, if more likely to be of use analyzing data than collecting it.

Arno’s practical expertise left a bit to be desired, but his computer skills

were excellent. Truthfully, she didn’t mind. She had always preferred to

be out in the Þ eld, but in the last few years more and more of her time

had been consumed by preparing reports for one government agency or

another and presenting recommendations at state and federal budgetary

meetings. And lately, she’d had another, even less pleasant job added

to her résumé—testifying for the state as an expert witness at trials

involving EPA violations.

So this summer was almost like a sabbatical for her, and she

welcomed the opportunity to do the Þ eldwork. She’d been so absorbed

all day she hadn’t thought of anything personal until she’d reached

the Lakeshore Road. Then she couldn’t help but think of Leslie and

wonder if she had left to return to New York City. She told herself

that was for the best, but it didn’t feel that way in the pit of her stomach.

The heavy throbbing there felt almost as bad as losing her the Þ rst

time.

When she rounded a curve in the narrow road that wound through

the trees and saw emergency vehicles with lights ß ashing parked

haphazardly just below the lodge, her heart lurched. Leslie! She

stomped down on the gas and rocketed into the parking lot, Þ shtailed to

a stop, and jumped from the cab of the truck. As she ran toward a small

• 95 •

RADCLY fFE

crowd at the verge of the long slope leading down to the boathouse, she

scanned the back porch where half a dozen guests were gathered. There

was no one there she recognized. Everyone appeared to be staring in the

direction of the lake and the docks below. She started down, and that

was when she saw EMTs guiding a stretcher up the grassy incline. She

recognized Eileen Harris hurrying along beside the clump of medical

personnel, and her stomach tightened into a cold knot.

It had been so obvious that Leslie was ill. Why hadn’t anyone

said anything—why hadn’t she? Because it wasn’t her place. Because

Leslie’s prickly temper and aloof manner kept everyone at arm’s

length. Because she didn’t want to risk Leslie shutting her out. When

had she resorted to cowardice, or was that just the way she’d always

been around Leslie?

Racing downhill, half skidding on the damp grass, she called to

Leslie’s mother. “What happened? Is it Leslie? Is she hurt?”

“What?” Eileen, who looked confused and distracted, nevertheless

seemed relieved when she recognized Dev. “Oh. No, no. It’s Paul.”

Breathless, she grasped Dev’s arm and pulled her along. “One of the

winches pulled loose and the boat slipped…and, oh God—”

Devon grasped her hand. “Take your time. It’s okay. What did the

EMTs say?”

“It looks like his leg is broken. They’re not sure what else,” Eileen

said in a calmer voice. “I can’t reach Leslie. I’ve called her, but I can’t

reach her.”

“Cell reception is spotty up here,” Dev said. “Where are they

taking him?”

“Glens Falls.”

They’d reached the ambulance, and Eileen bent down to murmur

something to her husband, whose face was covered with an oxygen

mask. Dev couldn’t tell if he answered or not. As the EMTs loaded

him into the van, Eileen wrapped her arms around her waist and

shuddered.

“I need to go to the hospital, but the guests…” Eileen murmured.

“I should stay until Leslie—”

“No, you go. I’ll keep an eye on things,” Dev said, extracting a

card from her wallet. “Here’s my cell number. As soon as you’re settled,

call me and tell me where you are. I’ll give the message to Leslie so

• 96 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

she can meet you there. You can Þ ll me in on what to do here when you

call.”

Eileen shook her head. “You’re a guest. You shouldn’t be doing

this.”

“Hey, I used to be a neighbor. I’m not really a guest.”

“You’re very kind,” Eileen said with a faint smile. She squeezed

Dev’s arm. “Thank you. I have to go. I’ll call you. Leslie’s number—”

“I’ve got it. Remember, you gave it to me the day I picked her up

at the train station.”

Dev watched as Eileen climbed into the back of the ambulance,

immeasurably relieved that it wasn’t Leslie strapped to the gurney as

the doors closed with a resounding thud. When the emergency vehicles

disappeared from sight, she hurried off toward her cabin. She needed to

shower, change, and get back to the lodge. She needed to reach Leslie.

Twenty minutes later, after being routed directly to voicemail at

least a dozen times, she reached her.

“Les? It’s Dev.”

“Dev? Hi, what’s going on?”

“Where are you?”

“About Þ fteen minutes away on the Northway. Why?”

“Can you pull over for a minute so I don’t lose you?”

“Hold on…okay, go ahead.”

Leslie sounded composed, unrattled.

“Your dad’s had an accident—it looks like a broken leg, at least.

Your mother’s with him, and they’re on their way to Glens Falls

Hospital right now.”

“All right.” Leslie took a deep breath. “Is he in any danger?”

“I don’t know, Les. I don’t think so, but I got here just as the EMTs

were transporting him.”

“I’m headed there now, then. Thanks, Dev.”

“Call me if you need anything.” Dev heard the crackle of static.

“Les? Les?”

She disconnected, feeling impotent. Even though she knew Leslie

didn’t need her, she wished she could join her. She shook her head,

wondering at the strength of the ties that she’d once thought were

irrevocably broken.

v

• 97 •

RADCLY fFE

Most of the lights were out in the lodge when Leslie pulled

into the parking lot shortly after 11 p.m. She was so tired she felt numb.

She contemplated going directly to her cabin, but she needed to make

sure everything was all right with the guests. Thankfully, it wasn’t

yet the height of the season and they weren’t full. She tossed her

briefcase in the backseat of the Jeep, locked the door, and made her

way inside.

A single lamp burned on the walnut sideboard just inside the

wide double doors. The great room and the dining room beyond were

empty. Light shone beneath the swinging door from the kitchen and

she headed that way. She stumbled to a stop as she shouldered the door

open and stepped into the next room. Dev, in a navy T-shirt and blue

jeans, stood at the long kitchen counter with a white butcher’s apron

tied around her waist, covering platters of food with plastic wrap.

“Dev?” Leslie said in surprise.

Dev set aside the carving knife that she’d been using to slice ham.

“Hi. How’s your dad?”

“He’s sedated, but stable. What are you doing?”

“Cleaning up after dinner.” Dev walked to the refrigerator and

pulled out a bottle of Heineken. She held it up in Leslie’s direction.

“Want one?”

“God, yes.” Leslie slumped onto a stool at the central island.

“They’re going to operate on him early tomorrow morning. My mother

wanted to be close tonight and got a room at a motel across the street

from the hospital.”

Dev opened two bottles, handed one to Leslie, and pulled a

chair around the table so she could sit facing her. “What did they say,

exactly?”

Leslie shrugged. “What do they ever say? His leg is shattered

and there’s a hairline fracture of his pelvis. There might be some nerve

damage.” Leslie’s voice cracked and she covered her eyes. Her Þ ngers

trembled.

“Hey,” Dev said gently, resting her hand on Leslie’s knee. “You

look beat. Why don’t I walk you down to your cabin so you can turn

in.”

“No. I need to get some things together for my mother. I promised

her I’d bring them Þ rst thing tomorrow.” She scanned the kitchen.

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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Besides, you need some help in here. God. You shouldn’t even be

doing this.”

“Why not?” Dev said, feigning affront. She pointed to a row

of typed pages afÞ xed to the refrigerator with multicolored magnets

shaped like Þ sh. “Your mother has the menu laid out for every meal,

every day of the week, and she cooks ahead. It was easy enough to

Þ nd everything and put it together.” She grinned. “At least, no one

complained. Yet.”

“There’s only, what, eight guests? In another week, there’ll be

thirty. Are you planning to give up your day job?” Hearing the sharp

edge to her voice, Leslie covered Dev’s hand and squeezed. “But

thanks. If you hadn’t been here, my mother would have had to stay, and

she’d be out of her mind with worry.”

“It was no problem,” Dev said. “And I’m not volunteering for

permanent KP. I’m only good until we run out of the semi-prepared

stuff. But your mother’s not going to be able to manage by herself.”

“I know. I’m going to have to get some temporary help in here

for her right away.” Leslie set her beer aside and started to pace. “A

cook, for sure. And someone to run the boats and look after maintenance,

because my father’s not going to be able to do much for the rest of the

season. And that damn truck has to go. I had to stop twice to let the

engine cool off.”

Dev sipped her beer and watched Leslie slide effortlessly from

exhaustion and distress into sharply focused control. It was impressive.

It was probably costly too, she imagined, physically and emotionally.

She wasn’t surprised that Leslie had a blood pressure problem.

“All that’s going to take more than a few days,” Dev pointed out.

“I can stay another week or two,” Leslie said, her expression distant

as she calculated what needed to be done and how she would manage

that and the work she wanted to do. “I was planning on being up here

a few weeks anyhow. If I need a little longer, I can keep working out of

the local ofÞ ce while I get things squared away here.”

“Uh,” Dev said carefully, “I sort of got the impression you were

supposed to be taking it easy while you were here. Not taking on

another job.”

Leslie waved a hand impatiently. “I’m Þ ne. I haven’t had any

problems since I’ve been here.”

• 99 •

RADCLY fFE

“You did the day you arrived.”

“I’d just gotten out of the hospital and hadn’t had any sleep at

all.” Leslie Þ xed Dev with a pointed stare. “Not that it’s any of your

business, Devon, but I arranged for the damn tests they wanted me to

have.”

Dev grinned. “Good.”

“Of course,” Leslie said, searching through the utility drawer for

paper and a pen, “I’ll have to reschedule those now.”

“Why?”

Leslie started making a list. “Because I’m supposed to get most

of them tomorrow afternoon, and that’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“You know, I don’t remember you being such a pain in the ass,”

Leslie muttered.

“Neither were you.”

Leslie gave her a sidelong glare, but she smiled. “My father’s

going to be operated on tomorrow and I’ll need to stay with my mother

in the morning. Then I have to deal with this place.”

“My schedule’s ß exible. I can keep an eye on things here.”

“You must have your own work to do.”

“I was going out to the islands the day after tomorrow, but I can

postpone that a few days. I’ve got plenty of work to do around here.”

Dev got up to Þ nish slicing the leftover ham. “At least until things are

more settled with your dad. I don’t mind, really.”

Leslie sighed. “It would help a lot.”

“One stipulation.”

“I don’t usually make deals.” Leslie folded her arms and regarded

Dev appraisingly. “But I suppose you can try.”

Dev leaned against the counter and met Leslie’s gaze steadily.

Seeing the calculation and unmistakable power in Leslie’s eyes,

Dev appreciated for the Þ rst time that this was not the woman of her

memories. Like Dev, Leslie had changed. Every now and then Dev

caught a glimpse of the girl she had known, when a little bit of humor

broke through her steely control or when compassion softened her

unyielding reserve. When they’d been young, Dev had been attracted to

Leslie’s softness and her gentle innocence. Now she found her strength

every bit as appealing, if quite a bit more irritating.

“You get the tests tomorrow,” Dev said.

• 100 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Dev—” Leslie started to protest, exasperated, then considered

how much help Dev had been. And how much her concern touched her.

“Okay, look. If I can, I will.”

“Good enough.” Dev opened the refrigerator and slid the tray of

sliced meat onto the bottom shelf. “I was thinking of scrambled eggs

and the rest of this ham for breakfast. What do you think?”

Leslie laughed. “I think you’re crazy.”

Dev grinned. “See? Some things don’t change.”

v

As Leslie undressed for bed, too tired even to shower, she

remembered the conversation in the kitchen.

Some things don’t change.

She marveled at just how much everything had changed. How

much Dev, especially, had changed. Dev was so much less angry now,

and sure of herself in ways she’d never been as a teenager. Physically,

she moved with conÞ dence, and she clearly owned her sexuality. It

didn’t take seeing her with Natalie to know that. The image of Dev

standing in the kitchen just hours ago with that foolish apron slung

around her muscular hips or sprawled in a chair on the porch with a

cup of coffee in her hand gave Leslie a hungry feeling in the pit of her

stomach. Dev was sexy without even trying.

But then, she’d always been sexy, although Leslie hadn’t

consciously acknowledged that. Looking back, she appreciated how

intriguing Dev had been as a teenager, with her dark moods and

rebellious dress and refusal to conform. She realized just how attracted

she’d been to Dev and what she’d done when awareness had crashed

in upon her in one hot, wild instant. She ß ushed with embarrassment.

Dev was far more forgiving of her actions back then than she

was. There were times like tonight when the burden of guilt felt as if it

might crush her. As she lay down, exhausted but too keyed up to close

her eyes, she wondered who Dev saw when she looked at her.

• 101 •

• 102 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWELVE

At Þ ve thirty the next morning, Leslie made her way up the

path to the lodge just as the sun broke over the horizon.

She stopped before climbing the steps and turned to watch the morning

dance across the glassy surface of the lake. Orange and magenta streaked

the sky and reß ected off the blue water so brightly she shielded her eyes

with one hand. She’d seen it thousands of times growing up and hadn’t

thought of the silent beauty for years, but it hadn’t lost its power to

enchant her.

“It never gets old, does it?” Dev said quietly from the shadows of

the porch. She walked forward to lean against the railing.

“I’m not sure why not,” Leslie said almost to herself. “Maybe

because I’ve never seen a painting or a photograph as beautiful.”

“No, it’s not something we can capture or re-create. I guess that

makes it special.” Dev watched as the emerging sun highlighted the

angles and planes of Leslie’s face that had not been there in the softness

of youth. Her hair glinted with gold; her eyes mirrored the crystal

blue waters. She was beautiful now, as she had been then, unique and

familiar as the dawn.

Leslie hesitated on the top step, struck by the pensive note in

Dev’s voice. The expression on her face was hard to decipher. She

looked a little sad, but her eyes were warm as they caressed—that was

how it felt, caressed—her. Leslie shivered, unable to look away and

not wanting Dev to, either. She hadn’t expected to see Dev so early

and wondered if Dev had gone back to her cabin at all the night before.

Then she noticed that Dev had changed from her jeans and T-shirt into

khaki pants, a dark shirt, and work boots. She looked solid and steady

and Leslie felt oddly comforted.

• 103 •

RADCLY fFE

“You always did make me feel safe.”

When Dev jerked, Leslie realized she’d spoken aloud.

“Did I?” Dev asked quietly. “I always had the impression that

everyone thought I was kind of scary. Or maybe just a little crazy.”

“I never did. You know that.” Leslie wanted to tell her how she

always felt braver when she was with Dev. As if Dev’s differentness

allowed Leslie to be just a little bit different too. To be someone other

than the girl all her friends and even her parents expected her to be.

But she didn’t say anything, because she couldn’t go back there now. It

made her sad. It made her wish for things she couldn’t have and didn’t

have time for. And there were things she had to do. “I forgot some of

the things I need to bring to my mother. I wasn’t at my sharpest last

night.”

“There’s coffee,” Dev said, walking inside with Leslie. “That

might help.”

“Did you get any sleep at all?”

“Some. Enough. You?” The lights had been out in Leslie’s cabin

when Dev had passed it on the way to her own the night before. For

one crazy instant she’d considered walking up the path and tapping on

Leslie’s door. What she would have said if Leslie had answered, she

wasn’t sure. Now, in the light of day, she was glad she hadn’t. The pull

of the past was powerful, but it was obvious that Leslie had no desire to

revisit it. And neither should she.

“I slept on and off,” Leslie said. She looked around the dining

room and saw that Dev had already set out plates and utensils and that

the big coffee urn was full. She grasped Dev’s arm. “This is terriÞ c. I

can’t thank you enough. I should’ve thought to come up and do this

myself…”

She wasn’t thinking clearly at all and wondered why not. It was

true that her unexpected illness and this impromptu visit had totally

disrupted her normal routine—she hadn’t been to the gym, hadn’t had

a decent meal, hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in days, no, a week now.

Still, when she’d been involved in a particularly difÞ cult trial there had

been long stretches when she hadn’t slept or eaten or exercised, and

she’d never lost her focus. Never forgot things. Never found her mind

wandering into the past or musing about things she couldn’t change or

control.

• 104 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I just got here, Les. Besides, you need to get to the hospital.

We’ve already discussed this, remember?”

“Why are you doing this, Dev?”

The question surprised Dev. Leslie so rarely revealed the slightest

bit of vulnerability. Her armor was very effectively established by

her elegantly understated blouse and slacks, her designer shoes, her

expensive haircut and her subtle but perfect makeup. But Dev wasn’t

looking at any of those things. She was looking at the shadows beneath

Leslie’s blue eyes and remembering the way her hands had trembled

the night before.

“The easy answer would be because I used to be in love with

you.”

Leslie’s laughter was part shock and part embarrassed pleasure.

“I’m afraid to hear the hard answer, then.”

Dev shrugged and slid her hands into her back pockets,

unconsciously canting her hips forward the way she used to when she

was feeling insecure and wanted to act tough. “I know all that’s in the

past, but I can’t help feeling that we’re still friends. And that’s what

friends do, isn’t it.”

Leslie rested her palm against Dev’s chest and leaned close to kiss

her on the cheek. “I guess it is. Thank you.”

Dev stood completely still as Leslie turned and disappeared up

the wide curving staircase to the second ß oor, where her parents had

their bedroom. If everything between them was in the past, why did

being near Leslie still make her feel better and worse than anything

she’d ever experienced, all at the same time?

Since she didn’t know the answer, and doubted she ever would,

she settled for doing something that did make sense. She went to the

kitchen to make breakfast for ten.

v

“You don’t have to stay here all morning,” Eileen said to Leslie

when Leslie returned to the surgical waiting area for the fourth time

after stepping outside to make a phone call.

“Sorry,” Leslie muttered as she sat down beside her mother in

the surprisingly comfortable chair. The waiting room was carpeted, with

• 105 •

RADCLY fFE

small seating areas arranged so that families could have some privacy.

She and her mother sat alone in the far corner next to several windows

that looked out over a small landscaped seating area with trees and

stone benches. The smokers congregated there. “Just a couple of things

I need to take care of at the ofÞ ce.”

“I guess you can never really go on vacation.”

“If I didn’t take care of things,” Leslie said, crossing her legs and

resting her head against the back of the chair, “they’d just be there

waiting for me. The problems don’t go away just because I’m not

there.”

“No.” Eileen sighed. “The ostrich approach is tempting, but I’ve

never known it to work.”

Leslie laughed. “True on both counts.”

“I mean it, though. I can call you when the doctors come out. It’s

likely to be at least another hour.”

“I’d rather stay.” Leslie looked at her watch. Her tests were

scheduled for three that afternoon, across the street at the outpatient

medical building. Unfortunately, she would probably be able to get

there in plenty of time. She felt ridiculous wasting several hours when

she felt perfectly healthy. Other than the embarrassing episode she’d

had in front of Dev the day she’d arrived, she’d only had one other

very brief period of the irregular ß uttering sensation in her chest—just

after she got out of bed that morning. It couldn’t have lasted more than

twenty seconds. In fact, it was over so quickly she wasn’t certain it’d

been anything at all. “Are you planning to stay here tonight too?”

“It depends on how your father’s doing. I thought I might,

especially with the truck acting up.”

“That problem is going to be solved very quickly. If I have time

this afternoon I’m going to put it out of its misery. Do you think Daddy

wants another Jeep?”

“I think we should probably wait to ask him. I’m not certain we’ve

budgeted for a new truck this year.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Leslie said.

“Leslie,” Eileen said, “it’s a generous offer. I appreciate it. I really

do, and so will your father. But it’s not your responsibility.”

Responsibility. Was that what it was called when you did something

for someone you loved? What was it called when you didn’t? Leslie

knew the answer. It was called cowardice.

• 106 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

The sun coming through her bedroom window was so bright, it

hurt Leslie’s eyes. It hurt her head. It made her queasy. She rolled onto

her side and closed her eyes tightly, wishing the morning away. Maybe

she could go back to sleep and the next time she woke up, it would be

Sunday and she would be ready to leave for college. She could leave

and pretend that last night had never happened. She wanted to cry, but

her eyes were swollen and her throat raw from too many tears already.

Tears and, she remembered now, being so sick somewhere around two

in the morning that she’d wanted to die.

Sometime after Dev had left the party, she’d had too much to

drink. Way too much. The beer and wine—she remembered sharing

a bottle or maybe two with Shelley—had made her sick, but it hadn’t

made her forget the sound of Mike’s foot thudding into Dev’s body, or

Dev’s soft moans, or her own screams. Shelley kept asking her what

was wrong, and Leslie hadn’t been able to answer.

What could she say? Mike hurt Dev and it’s all my fault? Dev

kissed me and I let her. I didn’t mean to let her. I didn’t mean to kiss her

back. It was a mistake. Wasn’t it?

Leslie tried to go back to sleep but she could hear the guests

getting up and the sounds of activity outside her open window. The

boathouse was probably a mess, and she really ought to clean up down

there before her parents saw it. Groaning, she dragged herself from

bed and wobbled on shaky legs into her bathroom. She was afraid she

might vomit again, but she was sure there was nothing left to throw up.

She was never going to drink that much again. She was never going to

let anything like last night happen again. She was never going to let

anyone kiss her like that again.

She’d never let anyone close enough to get hurt by her mistakes.

She kept the shower on cold and stood shivering with her arms

wrapped around herself, hoping to drive out the sickness and the feel

of Dev’s body and the heat of her mouth and the terrible sound of

someone’s heart breaking. When she Þ nally felt like she could face her

parents without them being suspicious of the way she looked, she dried

her hair and dressed and went downstairs.

“Hi, honey,” Eileen Harris said. “I’ve still got plenty of breakfast

left. There’s OJ in the refrigerator. You want pancakes?”

Wanting to clamp her hand over her mouth at the sudden surge of

nausea, Leslie turned quickly away and pretended to be looking out the

• 107 •

RADCLY fFE

window. “No thanks, not yet. I think I’ll just have a Pepsi and go down

to the boathouse. I want to make sure all the trash got bagged.”

“Pepsi in the morning? You should eat something.”

“I will. Later.” Leslie started toward the back door, wanting to get

away before her mother looked at her more closely.

“I’m so glad you had the party here,” Eileen said, carrying a stack

of dishes to the counter. She opened the dishwasher and began loading

it. “And I’m glad that your friends are all responsible. Thank God

they’re all too sensible to ride motorcycles.”

“What?” Leslie said, only half listening.

“Some local teenager had a terrible accident on a motorcycle last

night.”

Leslie stopped, her hand on the doorknob. Her heart pounded

furiously and the queasy feeling in her stomach coalesced into a hard

knot of dread. “Accident?”

“Mmm. Someone crashed their motorcycle on Lakeshore Road

last night. Up north from here a bit.” Eileen lifted two castiron skillets

from the stove and propped them up in the sink. “Your father heard

something about it on the news.”

Leslie managed to walk out the door and across the porch before

she vomited over the railing into the bushes. When she was done, she

collapsed into one of the chairs. She knew it was Dev. She just knew it.

Dev had been drinking, but not a lot. Dev was a good rider, but she was

hurt. And she must’ve been angry too. Angry with her, and with Mike.

Mike. Mike had left right after Dev. He’d been gone almost an

hour. He wasn’t angry when he came back. He would hardly talk to her,

not that she wanted to talk to him. And he was drinking a lot, even more

than usual, off in a corner with some of his friends.

She knew it last night, and she knew it now. Something bad had

happened. She should say something. She should tell her mother. She

should tell someone that it was all her fault.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been home for a while,” Leslie said.

After a moment’s silence, Eileen said, “I wish things were different

now. What with your father—”

“No, it’s okay. I’m glad I’m here.” Leslie took her mother’s hand.

“Now, about that truck.”

• 108 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Eileen laughed weakly. “Your father will always be a Jeep man. If

it’s anything other than black or green, he won’t drive it.”

Leslie smiled. “God forbid we get him a yellow Hummer.”

“If you do end up getting one, we’ll pay you back. I’m just not

sure when.”

“Mom, come on. I can afford it. It’s not a big deal.”

“All right,” Eileen said carefully. “Then if I can’t get you to agree

to take money, why don’t you tell me why you’re really here?”

“That’s blackmail.”

“Not when it’s your mother doing it.”

Leslie wanted to pace. She wanted to abort the conversation. She

didn’t have an answer, not one she was ready to share, especially not

when her mother already had her father to worry about. Not one she

could even verbalize completely to herself. She forced herself to sit

still.

“I haven’t taken any real time off in years, and I was due for a

vacation. When I thought about getting away, the only place I thought

about going was here.” Leslie knew it was true. Maybe not all of the

truth, but some of it. She met her mother’s eyes, surprised by the

uncritical welcome in them.

“It’s funny,” Eileen said quietly. “I had the feeling when you left

for college that you couldn’t wait to get away, and I’ve never understood

why.”

“I guess it must have seemed that way. I’m sorry.”

That was as much of an answer as Leslie could give, because

anything else would demand far too much confession. She couldn’t

explain about Dev and Mike. She couldn’t say she’d needed to be

somewhere else, be someone else. That she’d needed to leave behind

the person she couldn’t look at in the mirror, to reinvent herself.

She’d done a good job of it. She was successful. She was respected

by her colleagues. She had a lover who was beautiful and smart. And

yet here she was. Leslie wondered why.

What came to mind was the way the lake gleamed in the dawn

light, and the crisp pine-scented air that blew through the windows of

her cabin at night, and the way Dev had gazed at her that morning—

as if she’d really seen her. She remembered asking Dev why she was

being so kind.

• 109 •

RADCLY fFE

Because I used to be in love with you.

Leslie shook her head. Past tense. Past dreams. Past mistakes. All

behind her now. And that was where she was determined it all would

stay.

“I’m going down the street to the Starbucks for coffee. Want

one?”

“Tea, I think. Thanks.”

“Be right back.” As soon as Leslie exited the hospital, she

pressed Rachel’s cell number on the speed dial. To her surprise, Rachel

answered. “Hi, Rach, it’s me.”

“Hello, darling. I’ve just got a minute, but I saw it was you and

I was going to call you anyhow. Can you get down to the city this

weekend? There’s a fundraiser Saturday night we should go to.”

“I can’t. My father’s had an accident—a broken leg. He’s in

surgery right now.”

“Damn. I really need to put in an appearance at this thing.” There

was silence for a few seconds. “Maybe I can come up for a few hours

on Sunday.”

“Thanks, but you don’t need to. I just can’t get away right now.”

“I’m so sorry, darling. Are you sure?”

“Yes. Really. There’s nothing to be done, but I can’t leave my

mother with everything at the lodge right now.”

Rachel’s tone was cautious. “I suppose that means you’ll be

staying a bit longer?”

“At least another week or so.” Leslie hesitated. “Maybe you can

come up over the Fourth of July recess.”

“I suppose that’s a possibility. Look, we’ll talk more later.”

“All right. Call me.”

“I will. Love you, darling. Bye.”

“Goodbye,” Leslie said, and slipped her BlackBerry into her

purse. As she stepped into line at the coffee counter, she tried to bring

Rachel’s face into focus. When she couldn’t, she told herself that was

completely normal and meant nothing. Then, for just a second, she had

a crystal-clear image of Dev, and the intensity in Dev’s eyes was so

sharp she gasped.

“Help you, ma’am?”

Leslie jerked and stared at the young man behind the counter,

thankful for the diversion. “Yes. Large coffee. And a tea.”

• 110 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Sure. Anything else?”

A little dose of reality would be good, Leslie thought. She smiled

faintly. “No. Thanks. I’m Þ ne.”

She seemed to be saying that a lot lately, but she was starting to

wonder. She glanced at her watch. Unfortunately, she’d still have time

for the tests she’d scheduled. At least if she had them, she’d be one step

closer to getting back to Manhattan and getting her life back. That was

reason enough to keep the appointment.

• 111 •

• 112 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Dr. Weber?”

Dev glanced up from the microscope toward the young

redhead who stood in the doorway of her lab. “Hi, Susan. What’s up?”

“There’s a visitor downstairs for you. A Ms. Evans. Do you want

me to bring her up?”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll go down. Thanks.”

Dev stored the specimens she’d been examining in the refrigerator,

tossed her lab coat over a swivel chair behind her desk, and walked

down the wide, brightly lit hallway to the stairwell. Her summer ofÞ ce

at the Marine Life Institute was on the fourth ß oor, and it only took her

a moment to reach the atrium lobby. Floor-to-ceiling windows offered

a picturesque view of the lake. Natalie, looking fresh and relaxed in

civilian clothes, stood gazing out. Her pale yellow blouse and coffeecolored shorts complemented her subtle tan. She turned and smiled at

Dev’s approach.

“Am I interrupting?” Natalie asked.

“Nothing that won’t keep. Day off?”

Natalie nodded. “With the Fourth coming up in a little over a

week, the holiday visitors will arrive in force starting tomorrow. I can’t

count on time off again for a while. Besides, I wanted to see you before

you head out to the islands.”

“I have to postpone that for a couple of days,” Dev said. “How

about we grab lunch and I’ll explain.”

“How about we pick up sandwiches and take my boat out for a

few hours. I keep it moored at the station. One of the perks of the

job.”

Dev checked her watch. “I have to be back in by six.”

• 113 •

RADCLY fFE

Natalie threaded her arm through Dev’s. “Don’t worry. I’ll get you

home by curfew.”

Laughing, Dev let Natalie lead her from the building into the

bright sunshine. On the way to the ranger station, she explained about

Paul Harris.

“So you’re Þ lling in at the lodge?” Natalie asked, eyeing Dev

curiously. She pulled into the station lot and parked close to the boat

docks.

“A bit.”

“Nice of you.” Natalie climbed out and pointed to a cooler on the

backseat of her car. “Can you grab that?”

“Sure.”

Dev wondered at Natalie’s sudden silence while they checked

gear and cast off, but once they were underway, Natalie seemed herself

again—chatting casually about events at the station and pointing out

her favorite spots on the lake. Twenty minutes later, they dropped anchor

in a small cove on the far side of a smaller island in the Glen Island

Group. Other than boats passing by within sight—but not shouting

distance—they were alone.

“This is some boat,” Dev said. Natalie’s twenty-three-foot

Þ berglass SeaCraft had a cuddy cabin, an enclosed area in the front of

the boat with sleeping and lavatory facilities, and a spacious rear deck

for Þ shing or recreational activities. “Do you sleep out on her much?”

“Now and then.” Natalie grinned. “It comes in handy for

impromptu getaways.”

“I’ll bet.” Dev spread her arms out along the back of the built-in

bench and tilted her face up to the sky. She couldn’t remember the last

time she’d actually relaxed.

“You’re going to roast in jeans and a T-shirt out here. I can

probably Þ nd a suit for you in the locker,” Natalie said as she pulled

two St. Pauli Girls from the cooler. “Beer?”

Dev turned her head and smiled lazily. “Sure. Do you have any

objection to underwear?”

Natalie froze with her arm extended, the beer in her hand. “I guess

it depends. Are we talking on or off? And just what kind of

underwear?”

“The utilitarian kind, I’m afraid.” Dev stood, unzipped her jeans,

and pushed them down. She wore navy stretch boxers underneath that

• 114 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

reached to mid-thigh. She unlaced her boots, shucked her pants, and

stripped off her T-shirt to reveal a black sports bra.

“I guess you meant on,” Natalie said, swallowing hard. Dev’s body

looked exactly as she’d anticipated from the glimpse she’d had in Dev’s

cabin a few days before. Her shoulders and chest were nicely muscled,

her breasts neither small nor large, her abdomen smooth and strong

looking. The scars on her leg were more prominent in the sunlight. She

handed Dev her beer and sat down next to her, their thighs separated

by a few inches of air that seemed to undulate with heat. “Good thing

you’re keeping your assets covered.”

Dev raised a brow.

“Too much water trafÞ c to risk going au naturel.”

“It’s great out here,” Dev said as she took the beer. “Thanks.”

“Believe me, it’s my pleasure.”

Dev grinned. When she noticed Natalie glance at her leg for the

second time, she said, “Motorcycle accident. Youthful misadventure.”

Natalie regarded her seriously. “It must have been a hell of an

accident. I’m sorry if it’s a sensitive topic.”

“That’s okay.” Dev rested the beer bottle on her hip and regarded

the scars pensively. Sunlight Þ ltered through the green glass and

created slashes of color across her thigh. Until the last week, she’d

rarely thought about those times. Now she seemed to be practically

immersed in the memories. “I learned several very important lessons

and fortunately lived to appreciate them.”

“How old were you?”

“Seventeen.”

Natalie caught her breath. “God, that’s tough when you’re that

age.”

“I was lucky. I shattered my femur and had a pretty serious

concussion, but I didn’t break my neck or my back. I didn’t lose my

leg.” Dev shrugged and pulled on her beer. “Christ, it could’ve been a

mess. I got off easy.”

Somehow, Natalie didn’t think so, but she wasn’t sure how

deeply to probe. She stroked Dev’s forearm, feeling as if her comfort

was woefully inadequate. “You make it sound like you were being

punished.”

“Do I? I guess so. I guess I was—being punished in a way. I was

drinking.”

• 115 •

RADCLY fFE

“Ah, God. That’s hard.”

“I was a hothead and a bit of a fuck-off,” Dev said, smiling ruefully.

“Fortunately, I wasn’t so thickheaded not to appreciate the fact that I

didn’t wake up in a wheelchair. Or worse.”

“Sometimes I wonder how any of us survived adolescence.”

“You too?” Dev asked.

Natalie shrugged. “I went through a period where I tried really

hard to Þ t in, even though I knew I didn’t. I slept my way through my

senior year in high school and part of my Þ rst year in college with any

guy that came along. Then I got pregnant. And I had an abortion. Then

I decided it was time to stop lying to myself about how I felt about

girls.”

“Did that solve your problems?”

“Most of them.” Natalie laughed. “Of course, then I had to deal

with getting my heart broken by the Þ rst few girls I fell for.”

Dev turned her palm up and Natalie slipped hers into it. “I wonder

if it would have been any easier if someone had told us it was okay to

be gay? It’s always hard to be different.”

“Well,” Natalie said, sliding closer to Dev until she was nestled

against her side, “I think if you’d been around in high school I might

have risked it.”

“Don’t be so sure. I was so far outside the popular circle, just

being seen with me invited talk.”

Natalie rested her cheek against Dev’s arm and drew her legs up

onto the seat. “No friends?”

“Just Leslie,” Dev said quietly, wondering now what it had cost

Leslie to befriend her.

“Leslie Harris?” Natalie said, stiffening slightly.

Dev looked down into Natalie’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Were you an item?”

“Christ, no,” Dev said, laughing with a tinge of bitterness. “Leslie

was so different than me. Probably a lot like you—pretty, popular, the

girl every other girl wanted to be best friends with, and the one every

boy wanted to date.”

“But not you.” Natalie spoke gently, understanding.

“Not me what?”

“You didn’t want to be best friends with her.”

“No,” Dev said roughly. “That’s not what I wanted.”

• 116 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Is it hard, seeing her now?”

“Not really.” Dev sighed. “Not when I remind myself that we’re

adults now. Different people.”

“I wonder how much any of us really changes,” Natalie mused.

“I’m not the crazy, mixed-up kid I was ten years ago, but I don’t know

how different I really am either.”

“If you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would’ve said I’d changed

a lot.” Dev drained her beer. “Now, I’m not so sure.”

Natalie shifted until she straddled Dev’s lap, her hands on Dev’s

shoulders and their foreheads nearly touching. “Oh yeah? You don’t

look like such a bad girl now,” she whispered. “But I bet you could be,

under the right circumstances. Wanna Þ nd out?”

Dev rested her hands lightly on Natalie’s waist. Natalie looked

good. She smelled good. She felt even better. Dev’s body tightened and

throbbed. Her breathing ratcheted up. “If we’d just met, I’d be all over

you right now.”

Natalie’s eyes widened. “I wouldn’t stop you. I’m not stopping

you. God, Dev, I’m so crazy hot for you.”

“Ditto,” Dev gasped, willing her hips to stay nailed to the seat.

What she wanted to do was pull Natalie down and grind against her.

She wanted to press her face between Natalie’s breasts and lick the

sweat from every inch of her skin. She wanted to fuck her. And that

was the problem. Gently, she guided Natalie off her lap and back to the

bench. “Somehow things sort of slipped past the point where I can have

a casual fuck with you, Nat. I’m sorry.”

“You bastard,” Natalie said, half angry, half laughing. “How am I

supposed to complain when you say something like that?” She groaned

and ran her hands through her hair. “What if I told you I just wanted a

nice friendly affair?”

“I’d say I had to think about it.” Dev got up and pulled two more

beers from the cooler. She popped the caps and handed one to Natalie.

“When you weren’t sitting in my lap and I wasn’t turned on so bad I

couldn’t put two sentences together.”

“You really are a pain in the ass, Dev,” Natalie chided, sipping

her beer.

“So I’ve been told.”

Natalie patted the bench. “Sit down. I’m not mad, just horny.”

“Sorry.” Dev sat.

• 117 •

RADCLY fFE

With a sigh, Natalie turned on the seat so her back was against

Dev’s shoulder and her legs stretched out in front of her. “Do me a

favor, okay?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m a big girl, and I know what I’m doing. So just think about

it.”

“Okay,” Dev said softly. “I can do that.”

v

Dev pulled into the Lakeview parking lot right behind a big, shiny

black Jeep Cherokee. When she saw Leslie get out, she walked over to

her.

“Nice ride.”

Leslie grinned. “Wait’ll my father sees it.”

“How is he?”

“So far, things look really promising. They Þ nished just after

eleven this morning and the orthopedic surgeon thought the nerves

were just traumatized—not permanently damaged.”

“That’s terriÞ c.”

“Yes. We’ll know more in a few days.” Leslie locked the truck

and started toward the lodge with Dev. “I called you once he was in

recovery, but I got voicemail. Did you get the message?”

“Sorry, I was out on the lake when you called and didn’t get in

until just a few minutes ago.”

Leslie cocked her head. “You look like you got some sun.

Working?”

Dev shook her head. “No. Natalie came by the lab and we took her

boat out for a couple of hours.”

“Oh,” Leslie said. “That’s nice.” She stopped on the porch. “I can

handle things here tonight, Dev. You’ve done enough already. Thank

you.” She turned her back and opened the door.

Dev caught the edge of the door with her hand and followed her

inside. “I checked in four more guests this morning before I went to the

lab. There’s a pretty full house tonight.”

“My mother has always been able to handle it. I should be able to.”

Leslie pushed through the swinging door into the kitchen and turned,

exasperated, when Dev followed. “Let me see if I can be clearer. Go

away.”

• 118 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I won’t help. I’ll just watch.” Dev folded her arms and leaned

against the wall.

Leslie stared at her, resisting the urge to grind her teeth. Then she

stalked to the refrigerator and pulled down the menu marked for that

day. She groaned. She hated making salad. “Fine.” She wrenched open

the refrigerator door and reached inside. “Here.”

Dev caught the Þ rst head of lettuce effortlessly. The second was

a bit more of a challenge with one hand already full. The third and

fourth left bits of green hanging from the collar of her shirt as she

scooped them against her chest. “No,” she shouted as Leslie drew back

to pitch the Þ fth.

Laughing, Leslie stopped in mid-throw. “Oh my God. I can’t

believe I’m throwing lettuce in my mother’s kitchen like I’m Þ fteen.

What is it about this place?”

“Something in the air,” Dev said, understanding perfectly.

“It must be.” Leslie set the lettuce gently on the table, then went to

Dev to relieve her of the others. “I’m sorry. Let me take those.”

“I’ve got them. You go ahead and deal with the rest of dinner. I’ll

take care of these.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” As Dev checked the cabinets for a colander, she said, “So

tell me about the truck. When the hell did you have time to do that?”

“It’s amazing how quickly things go when you walk onto the lot

knowing what you want. Once you eliminate the barter, the process

is surprisingly simple.” Leslie shrugged. “When you don’t entertain

alternatives, it’s easy to close a deal.”

Dev recognized the tone of someone who was used to going up

against opponents quite a bit more daunting than car salesmen and

winning. “I think I feel sorry for them.”

“Who?”

“The attorneys who square off against you.”

Leslie laughed. “Most of the time they grossly overestimate the

strength of their cases because they fall for their own rhetoric and

believe their own frequently ß awed statistics. It’s not that difÞ cult to

challenge the majority of the regulations once you move beyond the

emotion to facts.”

“Doesn’t it bother you that we’re destroying the planet?”

Leslie slid the Þ rst of three tins of lasagna into the oven. “I think

you just made my point.”

• 119 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev twisted a head of lettuce so hard it shredded in half in her

hands. “I’m not being emotional. I’m a scientist. I can cite the facts.

Better yet, I can take you down to the lake and show you the effects of

thermal alteration and industrial contamination on the Þ sh and ß oral

growth.”

“I’m sure you’re an excellent scientist, Dev,” Leslie said

calmly. “But there’s a big leap between documenting changes in Þ sh

populations and imposing sweeping governmental restrictions on the

corporate sector. Businesses are run by people, you know. People who

suffer because of these regulations.”

A muscle in Dev’s jaw twitched. She knew it wasn’t the time or

place for this kind of argument. Beyond that, she knew it wouldn’t do

any good. She doubted that Leslie would be doing any job she didn’t

believe in, as hard as it was to fathom that she’d chosen this side of

the environmental debate. She tossed the lettuce into the strainer and

reached for another head. “Fish are people too.”

“Now there’s an argument that just might win in court,” Leslie

said softly.

When Dev shot her a glance, Leslie smiled and some of the tension

drained from the room. “Let’s try for an easier subject,” Dev said. “Did

you get your tests today?”

Leslie shook her head. “I can see that you’re every bit as

hardheaded as you used to be.”

“You’re stalling.”

“Yes, most of them. The big ones.” Leslie turned her back and

pulled two long loaves of Italian bread from a basket next to the stove.

“Which ones?”

“An echocardiogram and a stress test.”

Dev felt a tightness in her chest just thinking that Leslie needed

to have these kinds of examinations. As casually as she could, she said,

“And?”

“There’s nothing structurally wrong with my heart.”

Dev slammed the lettuce down on the table, crossed to Leslie, and

grabbed her by the shoulders. She pulled her around until they were

facing one another. “Was that supposed to satisfy me?”

“I don’t have to satisfy you. There’s no reason I need to be telling

you any of this,” Leslie snapped, her eyes ß ashing. “And you can take

your hands off me now.”

• 120 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“You’re right.” Dev lifted her hands and stepped back a pace.

“Sorry.”

“Dev—”

But Dev didn’t hear the rest of Leslie’s sentence. She was already

out the back door and halfway down the steps. She hadn’t meant to

touch her. Not then. Not now. Leslie did things to her. Stirred places

inside of her that she didn’t even know were there until they bubbled

up and exploded out of her. God, she’d thought that part of her, that

crazy well of temper and helpless wanting, was gone. Wiped out on

the highway with her blood, lost during the many months of pain while

she’d struggled to Þ nd her way back to some kind of life.

It hurt to know she’d been lying to herself all this time.

• 121 •

• 122 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Sitting on one of the stone benches along the shore, Dev watched

the sunset, trying to decide which was more beautiful, the

beginning of the day or the ending. Sunrise always seemed to bring the

promise of possibility, and with it, an undercurrent of joy. Nevertheless,

she found this time of day to be her favorite, even though it always

made her a little bit sad for something she couldn’t name. Tonight, mist

rose from the lake, and as the sun dropped behind the mountains, its

last blue and purple rays were strewn across the water like angels cast

out of heaven.

“It’s almost too beautiful to look at, isn’t it?” Leslie said quietly.

Dev continued to stare at the lake. She hadn’t heard Leslie

approach. “Sometimes I wonder why I live anywhere else. I think your

parents might have the most beautiful spot on earth right here.”

“Do you mind if I sit down?”

“No, go ahead.”

After a few moments passed in silence and the colors leached from

the sky, leaving behind a pewter gray that would soon become black,

Dev glanced at Leslie. She’d changed into a V-neck sweater and jeans.

Her hair was loose, and in the hazy light, she could have passed for

twenty. Dev was stunned at an unexpected twist of longing and desire.

“I’m sorry about what happened in the kitchen. I—”

“No,” Leslie said quickly. “I’m sorry. That’s what I came to tell

you.”

“How did you know where I was?”

“I didn’t. But your cabin was dark and your truck is still in the lot.”

After the guests were taken care of, she’d gone looking for Dev. At Þ rst

• 123 •

RADCLY fFE

when she’d seen that Dev wasn’t in her cabin, she’d thought Dev had

probably gone somewhere with Natalie. It was pretty clear they were

dating, and why that should bother her, she didn’t know. But it seemed

to put her in a foul mood. All the way home from the hospital, she’d

been looking forward to seeing Dev and then when Dev had mentioned

taking the afternoon off to spend with Natalie out on the lake, she’d

felt foolish. The conversation about work and Dev’s obvious disdain

had frayed the last bit of her nerves, and she’d lost her temper. She

never lost her temper. She never behaved like this at all. Constantly

examining her every feeling. She didn’t ruminate, she acted.

“You’ve been a great help in the last few days,” Leslie said,

determined to get back on sane footing. “And I want you to know I

appreciate it.”

“I didn’t mean to get so personal tonight,” Dev replied. “I shouldn’t

have badgered you about the tests.”

“It’s okay. It was…nice of you…to be concerned.” Leslie meant

it, and couldn’t help but wonder why Rachel hadn’t asked. To be fair,

though, she had downplayed the entire thing with everyone.

Dev couldn’t help herself. “Did everything else turn out okay?

Besides the echocardiogram?”

Leslie sighed. “Not exactly. At the very end of the stress test I had

a little bit of that irregular heartbeat thing happen. Nothing terrible,

and I didn’t really have any symptoms. I was a little short of breath, but

I was running uphill at Þ ve miles an hour.”

“So what did they say?”

“Oh, the usual. I should follow up with my physician. I should

take my medication. I should avoid stimulants and stress—” Leslie

snorted. “That should be simple enough.”

“So you’re going to do all that, right?”

It was almost dark, but Leslie could see Dev’s eyes shining in the

moonlight. Intense and penetrating. She’d know her eyes anywhere.

She’d know her voice anywhere too. Husky and low.

“I suppose,” Leslie said. She’d already decided to take the

prescription medication she’d been provided, at least on a trial basis.

Hopefully that would balance the coffee, because she had no intention

of giving that up . As to the stress, she couldn’t very well change her

life.

“That’s good.” Dev’s hand was only an inch away from Leslie’s

leg, but she resisted the urge to touch her. “Any news on your dad?”

• 124 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I talked to my mother right before I came down here. He’s hungry

and wants to come home.” Leslie laughed. “Very positive signs.”

“Great news.”

“Yes. I’m sure he’ll be a lot happier recuperating here than in the

hospital.”

“I can guarantee that.”

Leslie caught her breath. Would they ever be able to talk without

the past between them? Compelled by emotions that had lain buried

since that night, she spoke almost without volition. “I’m sorry I didn’t

come to see you in the hospital.”

“I wouldn’t have known,” Dev said quietly.

“That doesn’t matter. I should have come.” Leslie drew her legs

up onto the bench and wrapped her arms around them. She rested her

cheek on her knee, watching Dev’s face, which was clearer now that the

moon had risen. “I don’t have any excuses, Dev.”

Dev traced her Þ ngertips lightly over the back of Leslie’s hand,

then pulled back. “You don’t need any. You were young. We both were.

It was all pretty confusing.”

“You were my friend and I let Mike hurt you.” Leslie ruthlessly

quelled the tears that threatened to Þ ll her eyes. “I hurt you. I don’t

expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know I regret it—have

regretted it ever since that night.”

“Leslie,” Dev said softly. “You couldn’t have stopped Mike. And

I…I shouldn’t have kissed you. It just happened.”

“I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t have any idea…I swear.” Leslie

gripped Dev’s arm. “I didn’t know what I was feeling back then. I

didn’t know what was happening between us.”

Dev couldn’t bear to hear the anguish in Leslie’s voice. She

cupped Leslie’s cheek and traced her thumb along the edge of her jaw.

“I know. It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

“No! It wasn’t your fault. There was no fault.” Leslie caught Dev’s

hand, pressed her lips to Dev’s palm. “How could there be, when we

loved each other?”

Leslie’s touch, Leslie’s words—the nearness of her. It was more

than Dev could take. She pushed her hand into Leslie’s hair and kissed

her. It was so like that Þ rst kiss, and so much more. She hadn’t known

then what lay beyond the soft warmth of Leslie’s mouth, just as she

hadn’t fully recognized what her own body craved. She knew now with

aching clarity. When Leslie’s lips parted to allow her entrance, Dev

• 125 •

RADCLY fFE

kissed her more deeply. She wrapped an arm around Leslie’s waist and

pulled her tightly to her. Leslie’s tongue met hers, not hesitantly, but

every bit as questing. Every bit as demanding.

Leslie Þ sted Dev’s shirt in both hands, pulling Dev closer still.

Dev reeled under an onslaught of sensation. Leslie’s mouth was so

hot, her body so Þ rm and pliant as it cleaved to every curve of her own.

When Leslie drew one thigh high over Dev’s so their legs entwined,

Dev groaned as heat rushed through her. She broke the kiss and crushed

her mouth to Leslie’s throat.

“God, Les,” Dev moaned.

Leslie arched her neck and clasped the back of Dev’s head,

pressing her ß esh against Dev’s teeth, wanting to be devoured. She

snaked her hand beneath Dev’s waistband and yanked her shirt free,

wild for the feel of Dev’s skin. When Dev’s hand skimmed beneath her

sweater and closed over her breast, she cried out and raked her nails up

Dev’s abdomen.

Dev levered herself over Leslie’s body and braced her hands on the

back of the stone bench on either side of Leslie’s shoulders. While her

mouth roamed ravenously over Leslie’s throat and jaw and mouth, she

ground her hips between Leslie’s legs. When she felt Leslie’s Þ ngers

dig into her ass and Leslie’s hips surge to meet her, the roaring in her

head drowned out all thought. She was back in that other night, helpless

with longing, drowning in emotions she couldn’t even name. Leslie

was her answer. Leslie was everything.

“Leslie,” Dev groaned, dropping to her knees on the pine-needlecovered ground. She pushed up Leslie’s sweater and kissed her stomach

while she fumbled at the button on Leslie’s jeans. She needed her. More

than breath. More than the beat of her own heart. She needed her.

Dazed, Leslie thrust the Þ ngers of both hands into Dev’s hair,

her back bowed off the bench, her head thrown back, her eyes nearly

sightless as the inky sky and silver moon raced overhead. Leslie

clutched Dev, afraid she might disintegrate and ß y into pieces like so

many bits of stardust.

Dev groaned. “Les, I love—”

Mike’s voice roared out of the darkness. Jesus, what the fuck—

“Oh my God,” Leslie gasped. “No!”

Dev jerked as if she’d been shot. She raised her head, her vision

as wavy as if she’d been clubbed. It took her a second to realize where

• 126 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

she was, what she was doing. Leslie’s clothes were askew, her jeans

unzipped, and she had her hand inside them. The expression on Leslie’s

face was something very close to fear.

“Oh, Jesus,” Dev whispered.

Leslie shuddered, tears streaking her cheeks, staring at the shadows

wavering around them, half expecting Mike to drag Dev away from her

again. Then the dream trembled and broke and she knew where she

was. What she’d done. “Dev,” she murmured. “I can’t.”

“No, I know.” Breathless, Dev forced herself upright. Her stomach

was a hard ball of arousal, her legs shaking as if she’d run a marathon.

She curled her hands into Þ sts at her sides. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know

what happened.” She took a step back, then another, then the darkness

closed around her.

“Dev,” Leslie called, but there was only the night.

v

Dev drove along Lakeshore Road for miles. This time, she was

sober and careful, but her mind and body still echoed with memories

of Leslie. Like the Þ rst time, but inÞ nitely more intense. She smelled

her, tasted her on her lips, felt her body along every inch of skin. Her

stomach cramped with wanting. Her hands trembled on the wheel.

“Oh Christ,” she groaned aloud. “Why can’t I get free of her?”

She didn’t expect an answer, because she knew there wasn’t one.

Because it wasn’t Leslie, not the woman she’d practically accosted an

hour ago, who haunted her. It was the girl she’d lost and never gotten

over missing. It was the dreams that had died and that she couldn’t let

go of. It was something inside of her that kept the memories alive, even

though she’d thought she’d put them to rest. She drove until fatigue

replaced desire, at least for the moment.

By the time she pulled into the parking lot at Lakeview it was the

middle of the night. The lodge was dark. She took a small ß ashlight

from her glove box and used it to light her way through the woods to

her cabin. She did not look toward Leslie’s as she passed, although it

took effort not to. When she turned onto the path to her own place, she

felt a change in the air. She slowed.

“Les?”

“Can we talk?” Leslie said from the darkness.

• 127 •

RADCLY fFE

She sounded as weary as Dev felt.

“Okay,” Dev said as she climbed the steps to the porch. She sat

next to her and switched off her light. “Have you been here the whole

time?”

“Yes.”

“You must be cold. I’ll get you a jacket.”

Leslie caught Dev’s arm to stop her, then quickly let go. “No.

That’s okay, I have one. What about you?”

“I’ll get one if I need it.” Her voice was raspy, as if she hadn’t used

it in a long time. She dangled her arms over her knees, careful not to

touch Leslie. She drew a breath to speak, but Leslie did Þ rst.

“There are some things I need to tell you,” Leslie said.

“No, you don’t. What happened—”

“Just wait. Just this once, don’t be so sure you know what I’m

going to say.”

Dev stiffened, but nodded. “Okay.”

“What happened by the lake that night was…innocent. You kissed

me and I kissed you.” She laughed ß atly, thinking she’d heard that line

somewhere before, but it meant so much more now. “That happens

millions of times between teenagers everywhere, except it wasn’t

supposed to happen between us because we were both girls. Jesus.”

“It wasn’t all that innocent,” Dev said quietly. “I knew—in my

heart, I knew what I felt. What it meant.”

“It was still innocent,” Leslie said sharply. “How could it have

been otherwise? We were in love.”

The words tore through Dev’s heart and she gripped her knees

harder.

“What Mike did was horrible.” Leslie paused, her breath

shuddering from her. “And what I did was worse. What I said—” She

turned, trying to read Dev’s face in the shadows. “I don’t know why

I said what I said. It wasn’t true. I was scared, I guess. Whatever, it

doesn’t matter now. I just want you to know it wasn’t true.”

“Thank you,” Dev whispered.

“There’s something else you need to know,” Leslie said, Þ nding

the present truths even more difÞ cult than the past.

Dev shook her head. “It’s time to let all that go, Les. For both of

us.”

“I know. But it’s not about then. It’s about now.”

• 128 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

The hollow note in Leslie’s voice struck a deeper sense of dread

in Dev’s heart than Leslie’s shocked cry earlier. Suddenly, she felt cold.

She waited.

“I’m not sure exactly what happened down by the lake tonight,”

Leslie said hesitantly. “I think part of me was back there, the night we

kissed and then Mike…hurt you. I remember how good you felt to me

that night. How right.” Her voice dropped to a hush. “How much I

wanted you to touch me.”

Dev’s nails dug into her palms, and she bit her lip so hard holding

back a groan that she drew blood.

“When you kissed me tonight, it was like before. All the old

feelings came back and it was like I knew you. I wanted you.”

“Except it wasn’t really us anymore.” Dev’s chest ached with the

sadness that welled within her.

“No.” Leslie started to reach out, but thought better of it. Nothing

she could do would change the truth. “Devon, you’re seeing Natalie

and I’m involved with someone too. We’re neither of us free.”

Free. The word mocked Dev, because she wondered if she would

ever be free, or if she would merely move on while leaving parts of

herself behind. Trying to explain that Natalie was a friend seemed

pointless, because Leslie was with someone else.

“I might not know you now,” Dev said, rising, “but you strike me

as a one-woman woman.”

“Well, one at a time anyways,” Leslie said, trying to lighten the

moment. She stood, noticing for the Þ rst time that Dev was shivering.

“You should go inside. I just want you to know that it wasn’t anything

you did that upset me. Ever.”

Dev put her hands in her pockets, because she knew Leslie was

about to walk away. And God help her, she didn’t want her to go. Even

though every word Leslie spoke hurt her in a way she hadn’t thought

possible, she didn’t want her to go. And that was exactly why one of

them had to. And soon.

“Thanks, Leslie,” Dev said quietly.

“For what?”

“For being the one to say no.”

Leslie trembled as a ß ood of longing washed through her. Strangers

or not, what she’d felt earlier in Dev’s arms had made her feel alive in

every cell. She was afraid to even think what that might mean.

• 129 •

RADCLY fFE

“I’m glad you understand,” was all Leslie could think to say.

“Good night.”

“Good night,” Dev whispered. She waited until she heard the soft

slide of Leslie’s cabin door opening and the quiet snick of it closing.

Then she sat back down on the steps and rested her face in her hands

and wept for the love they’d once shared.

• 130 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Leslie got up early the next morning after another night Þ lled

with fractured dreams and an impending sense of danger,

although when she opened her eyes, the elusive feelings ß ed like bits

of sand in the wind. She showered quickly, threw on jeans and a white

boat-neck tee, and hurried to the lodge. Even though she knew it was

foolish, she was inordinately relieved to see Dev’s truck in the lot next

to her parents’ new Jeep. She had half expected Dev to be gone. The

thought of Dev just disappearing left her feeling frighteningly hollow.

She pushed the disquieting sensation aside, reminded herself that

the truck was still there and so was Dev, and went inside to take care

of the work that needed to be done. She was in the midst of removing a

second tray of biscuits from the oven when a sound behind her startled

her into nearly dropping the entire thing.

“Ahh!” Leslie yelped. She managed to get the tray onto the

counter before spinning around to discover Dev in the doorway. “Can

you please stop sneaking up on me like that?”

“Sorry,” Dev said without the slightest hint of contrition. Leslie

looked great, and even in casual clothes, she deÞ nitely did not look like

a woman who should be slaving in the kitchen at six in the morning.

“Need some help?”

“Of course I need help.” Leslie waved an arm at the general chaos

of the kitchen, where baking pans, mixing bowls, and the ingredients

for breakfast lay scattered over the counters. “I need a chef and a busboy

and a gardener and a mechanic and someone to tell me how in God’s

name my parents run this place by themselves.”

• 131 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev frowned. “Are things really getting away from you?”

Leslie blew a loose strand of hair away from the corner of her

mouth. “Not really. I can probably manage another day, and my

mother’s coming home later this afternoon. But even then, she’s going

to need help down at the dock and taking care of all the other things my

father does.”

“What about Þ nding new hires?”

“I’ve got several people coming by this evening for interviews.

At this point, anyone who hasn’t just escaped from Sing Sing will be

perfect.”

Dev opened the refrigerator and started passing cardboard cartons

of eggs to Leslie. “Scrambled are easiest.” She checked the menu on

the door. “Sausage. Piece of cake.” She rummaged in the refrigerator’s

meat drawer and found the jumbo package of links, which she carried

to the grill in the center of a cook island.

“What are you doing?” Leslie asked.

“Making my part of breakfast.” Dev pointed a fork in the direction

of the eggs. “You should start too, or else we won’t be done at the same

time.”

Leslie opened a container of eggs, then closed it and carefully set

it down on the counter. She watched the light blue denim shirt tighten

across Dev’s shoulders as Dev worked. Her hair curled over the collar,

thick chestnut strands that were wavier than Leslie remembered. Dev

wore her shirt tucked into an almost-tight pair of black jeans. It was an

outÞ t Leslie had seen Dev wear many times when they were younger,

but Dev no longer looked like the rangy teenager she had been. She

looked like the strong, capable woman she was. They’d once been so

close. They could be friends now, couldn’t they?

After backing away from Dev last night and throwing up even

more boundaries between them, Leslie knew that she would need to be

the one to reach across the chasm. And since she’d been the one to walk

away all those years before, that seemed more than fair.

“I thought you might have left,” Leslie said softly.

Dev kept her back to Leslie and methodically arranged the

sausages in two precisely even, side-by-side rows on the grill. She’d

come close to piling her gear into the truck and driving away an hour

earlier because she didn’t think she could face Leslie and pretend she

didn’t feel anything. Not when she could still taste her. She might still

• 132 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

have to go, but she wasn’t ready yet. Leaving would be so Þ nal. “I

thought about it.”

“I’m glad you stayed,” Leslie said, reaching for the eggs.

“Why?” Dev said quietly, her back still turned. She wasn’t playing

games. She really didn’t understand what difference it would make to

Leslie.

“You’re handy in the kitchen.” Leslie held her breath, and as the

silence lengthened, she started to feel queasy.

Dev turned, a small smile curling the corners of her mouth. “You

should see what I can do with a set of tools.”

Leslie tried not to laugh, but the relief was so great she couldn’t

help herself. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought that Dev

was ß irting. As it was, just this little bit of foolish conversation made

her feel better than she had in days. “Well, you might be good with a

wrench, but your sausage is burning.”

“Shit!” Dev spun back to the grill and frantically began turning

the small links.

Leslie took another second to enjoy watching Dev move, graceful

even as she struggled to keep errant links from sliding off the grill onto

the counter and ß oor, and then started cracking eggs into a bowl.

Dev dumped the sausages that were done onto a platter. When

she’d Þ nally gone to bed the night before, not expecting to sleep, she’d

been ambushed by emotional and physical exhaustion. She’d fallen

into a heavy dreamless sleep from which she’d awakened feeling

fuzzyheaded and clumsy. When she thought about what had happened

with Leslie by the lake, she’d been nearly as stunned as she had the

Þ rst time they’d kissed. Except that back then, she’d known for a long

time—although she hadn’t been willing to admit it—that she’d wanted

to kiss Leslie. Last night came out of nowhere.

“I appreciate you putting the brakes on last night,” Dev said

without turning around.

“Do you?” Leslie asked quietly. Although she was actually happy

that Dev wasn’t angry about her abrupt retreat, she wasn’t entirely

certain she was pleased that Dev didn’t mind just a little.

“Seeing you has brought up a lot of old stuff for me,” Dev said.

“I’ve been a little off my game the last week or so.”

“I’m sorry.”

Dev shook her head and turned to meet Leslie’s gaze. “It’s okay.

• 133 •

RADCLY fFE

It’s probably all been a good thing.” She grinned a little grimly. “I’m

sure I’ll think that, when I look back on it ten or twenty years from

now.”

Leslie smiled wryly.

“If I’d been thinking clearly, Les,” Dev said, “I wouldn’t have put

you in a position of needing to say no.”

“Oh, Dev.” Leslie closed her eyes and shook her head. Then she

opened them up on a long sigh. “At least at this point in our lives, let’s

agree that no more apologies are needed between us.”

“Okay,” Dev said softly. “Your eggs are done.”

v

Natalie followed the scent of breakfast through the dining room,

where one early riser sat sipping coffee and reading the newspaper.

She stopped just inside the kitchen door to take in the sight of Dev

and Leslie Þ lling stainless steel warming pans with mountains of

eggs, sausage, and biscuits. Both women looked pale and tired, but

also oddly at ease as they moved around one another with ladles and

skillets. Natalie couldn’t put her Þ nger on exactly what it was, but Dev

and Leslie seemed in sync—connected. Now that was a thought she

didn’t want to dwell on.

“Boy, is my timing perfect,” Natalie said, shrugging off the

discomforting sensation.

Dev greeted her with a smile. “Hey! I thought you were tied up

today.”

“Good morning,” Leslie said evenly.

“Hi, Leslie.” Natalie turned to Dev. “I am. Meetings all damn day.

I’ll be brain dead by two. But I brought your gear and the permits over

in case you decided to go out to the islands today on schedule.”

“Thanks. I…” Dev glanced at Leslie, who seemed to be busy

sliding the trays onto a cart. As much as she wanted to be available

to help Leslie and her mother, she needed some distance from Leslie.

She still felt shaky from the night before, and Leslie didn’t look like

she’d had a very good night either. Even thought they’d made a peace

of sorts, Leslie had enough to deal with without the constant stress of

having Dev around.

“I probably will head over if you can Þ nd someone to ferry me.”

• 134 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I think Jimmy can do it. I’ll call him,” Natalie said, referring to

one of the park rangers. “I know he’s out on patrol and then he has to

check on the campers who came in overnight, but—”

“I can take you over, Dev,” Leslie said. “As long as you can wait

until ten. I told my mother I’d pick her up around nine.”

“You don’t need to do that, Les,” Dev said.

“No, really,” Natalie interjected. “I’m sure I can—”

“You’re a guest here, Dev,” Leslie said, ignoring Natalie as she

bumped the swinging door open with the front end of the cart. “Part of

our service is taking campers to the islands. I’ll call you as soon as I’m

back from the hospital.”

The door closed behind her with a resounding thump.

“Well,” Natalie said, grinning at Dev. “I guess that’s settled,

then.”

Dev frowned at the door, then muttered, “She’s got enough to do

without playing ferry master.”

“How’s her dad?” Natalie inquired. Leslie wasn’t her type—a

bit too polished and a bit too lethally beautiful, but she admired her

spine. Under slightly different circumstances she could see them being

friends.

“He’s apparently doing really well. He might be home in a few

days.”

“That’s great.” Natalie liked both Eileen and Paul Harris, and

she was pleased by the news. She was also happy because a quicker

recovery for Leslie’s father would mean Leslie’s visit might be shorter.

Natalie was sure there was more to the history between Leslie and Dev

than Dev had told her, because Dev always looked a little unhappy

when she was around Leslie. A little unhappy and a little hurt, both of

which bothered Natalie a great deal. “Make sure you take one of the

two-ways so you can contact the Harrises if you need to. They can get a

message to me if there’s anything you need or if there’s a problem.”

“It’s pretty civilized out there,” Dev said with a smile. “I don’t

expect I’ll need to send an SOS.”

“Maybe so,” Natalie said seriously, “but you’ll be a mile out in the

middle of a whole hell of a lot of water on a little bitty piece of land. If

there’s trouble, you can’t swim back and there’s no phone.”

Dev nodded. “I know. I’ll make sure I’ve got everything.” She

tilted her head and grinned at Natalie. “SatisÞ ed?”

• 135 •

RADCLY fFE

Natalie slid a step closer and stroked Dev’s upper arm. “Not yet.

But I’m ever hopeful.”

The door swung inward, and Leslie hurried through. She glanced

at Dev and Natalie, honed in on the position of Natalie’s hand and the

way Natalie leaned into Dev, and quickly looked away. “I need more

plates.”

Natalie didn’t move or take her gaze off Dev’s face, but Dev eased

back and lifted a stack of dishes.

“Got them right here.”

Leslie turned on her heel and marched out. Dev followed in her

wake as Natalie laughed softly.

v

Dev drove to the lab and made sure Arno had plenty of work

to keep him busy for the next week. Then she took care of some

correspondence, backed up her laptop to an external server, and Þ nally

loaded two plastic waterproof crates with the equipment she’d need for

her work on the island. After carrying everything down to her truck, she

made a stop for supplies, then drove back to the lodge. She pulled in

just behind Leslie and her mother.

“Good morning,” Dev said to Eileen as she climbed out of the

truck. “Here, let me take your suitcase.”

Eileen smiled, her face drawn and tired. “With pleasure. Thank

you.”

“How’s your husband?”

“Doing very well.” Eileen grasped Dev’s arm. “Leslie tells me

you’ve been helping out around here every day. I can’t thank you

enough.”

Uncomfortable, Dev glanced at Leslie but got only a small shrug

and a smile, as if to say, “Sorry, you’re on your own.”

“I really didn’t do that much, Mrs. Harris.”

“Well, you’re not going to be paying any rent on that cabin this

summer,” Eileen said Þ rmly.

Dev stopped abruptly. “Mrs. Harris, the Institute pays for my

lodging, and I most certainly want you to charge. What I did, I did

because… ” Because Leslie has always been more than just a friend.

Dev sensed Leslie watching her intently. “Because you and Leslie

needed some help, and it was no imposition at all. Please.”

• 136 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I’m not going to make you feel uncomfortable about it.” Eileen

squeezed Dev’s arm and started across the lot toward the lodge. “Now,

Leslie tells me you’re going out to the islands today.”

“Yes.”

“We usually make just the two runs, delivery and pickup, but I’m

sure we can arrange more frequent—”

“No,” Dev said quickly, “that’s Þ ne. I won’t need anything

special.”

They climbed onto the porch and Leslie reached for the suitcase

Dev had carried. She said, “I’ll be running the skiff for at least the next

week or so. I don’t have a problem swinging by your site to check on

things.”

Dev shook her head. “It’s a good hour just to get out there, Les,

and I know how much you have to do too.”

Leslie answered lightly, “Multitasking is nothing new. Let me Þ ll

my mother in on what’s going on here, and I’ll meet you at the boat

in a few minutes. Do you need help transferring your gear from the

truck?”

“No, I’ve got it.”

Thirty minutes later, Leslie piloted the twenty-foot Chris-Craft

cruiser north toward the Glen Island chain. She handled the boat with

conÞ dent efÞ ciency. Despite the air temperature being in the mid-70s,

the combination of wind and spray was cold. Dev’s shirt was plastered

to her chest, as was Leslie’s, by the time they slowed on their approach

to one of the undeveloped islands.

“Which side?” Leslie called, looking over her shoulder to where

Dev sat. She stared for a second longer than was necessary, registering

the unmistakable outline of Dev’s breasts and remembering just how

they had felt against hers the night before. Firm and tight-nippled and

wonderful. She looked away.

“Northeast tip,” Dev replied. As Leslie drew closer to shore,

Dev pointed to a small sandy crescent rimming the thick woods at the

water’s edge. “What do you think about over there?”

“I think you’re going to get the hell scratched out of you breaking

trail through that underbrush.”

Dev grinned. “I think you’re right.”

“I also think that’s the only place to put up.” Leslie looked back at

Dev again. “This terrain is pretty rugged. Can’t you do this work from

a campsite on one of the other islands?”

• 137 •

RADCLY fFE

“Too much water trafÞ c.” The engine noise had quieted enough

for Dev to be heard without shouting. “Even with only a couple of boats

coming in with campers every day, the turbulence from the prop wash

stirs up the bottom. Can you drift in from here?”

Leslie cut the engine ten feet from shore. “I’m going to get out

and pull her in.”

“Forget it. You’ll get soaked.” Dev clambered up on the bow and

before Leslie could protest, jumped into the knee-deep water to grab

the towline. In a minute, she’d waded to shore and secured the boat

with a line around a nearby tree.

“Does the wake really make that much difference to what you’re

studying?” Leslie asked, intrigued. She’d grown up on the lake, but

she’d never really thought about it in such microcosmic terms.

“Yes. Here, start passing me the gear,” Dev said. As Leslie

handed down crates and Dev’s tent, sleeping bag, and other supplies,

Dev explained. “We’ve looked at water velocity at lake bottoms with

Dopplers and measured the water turbidity with optical backscatter

sensors—even motorboats running as slow as six miles an hour stir up

the sediment and change the water clarity and nutrient composition.”

“And?”

“Aquatic plant growth is altered, which affects the Þ sh feeding

patterns.” Dev glanced out at the lake, then back at Leslie. “And the

backwash makes it easier for contaminants in the water to be transported

to other regions of the lake.”

Leslie climbed down from the boat and hefted Dev’s duffel. “What

are you doing for food?”

“K rations. Dehydrated meals. I’ve got water-purifying tablets so

I can use boiled lake water. I’ve done this before, Les. I’ll be Þ ne.” Dev

took the duffel from her. “There’s no point you getting torn up too. I’ve

got long sleeves. I’ll be Þ ne from here.”

Leslie scanned the island. It was isolated from the others, densely

forested and rocky, and not designated for normal camping. Dev would

be here alone. The thought made her uneasy. “Do you have extra

batteries for the two-way?”

“In my dry pack.”

“I’ll wear the radio. If you don’t check in with me twice a day, I’ll

be out.”

Dev frowned. “Besides the fact you’ll contaminate my test waters,

there’s nothing for you to worry—”

• 138 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I’m really not interested in negotiating this, Devon. Either check

in, or I’ll be out here stirring up your sediment.” Leslie gestured toward

the woods. “Your other option is that I stay.”

“To protect me?” Dev couldn’t help herself. She grinned.

“You think I couldn’t?”

Dev knew Leslie was capable of doing any number of things to

her, and protection wasn’t at the top of the list. Still, Leslie’s concern

made her feel good. Too good.

“I’ll call in. Thanks.”

Dev stared at Leslie across the pile of gear, aware of the sudden

awkwardness. Leslie, in an uncharacteristic show of uncertainty,

shufß ed one foot in the sand as she scanned the woods behind Dev.

“You sure about this?” Leslie asked softly.

No. I’m not sure about anything where you’re concerned. Dev

nodded, grateful for the barrier between them. Sunlight slanted across

Leslie’s face, and she was so beautiful. Because looking at her was

sweetly painful, Dev knew it was time for them to part.

“Yeah. I’ll be Þ ne. You should take off.”

Reluctantly, Leslie climbed back into the boat. Dev waded into the

water and pushed her out from shore, then returned to the tiny beach.

“I’ll pick you up in Þ ve days, right?” Leslie called.

“Right.”

“Be careful.”

Dev waved and Leslie started the motor, carefully backing away

from the shallows before revving up the power. Dev followed the boat

until it was just a tiny speck in the distance. She hoped that when Leslie

returned, the ache of longing she felt every time she looked at her would

Þ nally be gone.

• 139 •

• 140 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

How are things going?” Leslie asked, four days after she’d

dropped Dev off on the island. She leaned against the porch

railing and breathed deeply of the cool morning air, picturing Dev in

the woods in her jeans, boots, and T-shirt. The radio transmission was

remarkably good, and it sounded as if Dev were right next to her. She

looked forward to their twice-a-day communications, not only because

she worried with Dev working alone, but also because she enjoyed their

brief shared updates.

“On schedule. I’m working my way around the southern tip of the

island today, and should Þ nish up tomorrow. How about you?”

“My father’s coming home today. We have a new cook. Life is

good.” Leslie heard Dev laugh and realized life was good. Once her

mother had returned, the two of them had been able to handle things at

the lodge with enough time left over for Leslie to look over the cases

from the local ofÞ ce. She worked, she walked on the beach, and she’d

started to sleep more than three hours a night.

“Sounds good,” Dev said. “So I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Will do. Take care.”

“Always.”

Leslie clicked off the radio, smiling as she envisioned Dev at work

on the island. She never would have predicted Dev as a scientist, and

a Þ sh expert at that, but now it seemed so natural. So Dev, really. Dev

had always been an observer, apart from things, so very private. It had

always been special when Dev had shared her thoughts and feelings,

because Leslie knew it was rare for her. Being Dev’s friend had made

her feel special.

• 141 •

RADCLY fFE

“Was that Dev?” Eileen asked.

Leslie jumped. She hadn’t heard her mother come out onto the

porch.

“Yes,” Leslie replied, aware that her mother was studying her

intently. “She’s Þ ne.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re checking in with her,” Eileen said casually.

She crossed the porch, carrying a cup of coffee. “How come I never met

her when the two of you were teenagers? You’re obviously very good

friends.”

Leslie contemplated some neutral explanation and then thought

perhaps it was time to bridge another rift in her life. “We weren’t

friends like I was friends with the other girls. We didn’t do social things

together. We just…talked.”

“But you were close, weren’t you? I can tell from the way you talk

to her. And the way she looks at you.”

“What do you mean—the way she looks at me?” Despite herself,

Leslie felt herself blushing.

Eileen sipped her coffee and smiled softly. “I think even if you

hadn’t told me you were a lesbian, I would have noticed that she follows

you with her eyes the way I’m used to seeing men watch women.”

Leslie snorted, thinking of Mike and the few men after him she’d

dated. “I doubt it. Dev is nothing like a man.”

“There are some men who truly do appreciate women,” Eileen

said gently. “Your father is one.”

“I know,” Leslie admitted. “You’re right. Still, Daddy is special.”

She braced her hands on the railing and leaned out, letting the sunlight

strike her face, enjoying the warmth and the smell of summer. “Dev

always treated me as if I were precious,” she said softly, almost to

herself, because it was the Þ rst time she’d ever given a name to what

Dev had made her feel. She looked at her mother. “I guess I wanted to

keep that all to myself. Maybe that’s why I never brought her home.”

“Maybe it was because you didn’t think I’d understand,” Eileen

said sadly. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

Leslie shook her head. “No. It wasn’t about you. I didn’t understand

myself what I felt.”

“And you didn’t…understand…until you were in college?”

“Not exactly,” Leslie said with a sigh. She curled an arm around

the porch post and sat on top of the railing, her legs dangling free.

She leaned her head against the column and thought about how long

• 142 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

she’d denied her feelings. “I never considered that what was happening

between Dev and me was anything except a wonderful friendship. I

was clueless.” She shook her head. “God. Worse than clueless. And

then one night she kissed me…no, we kissed…and I didn’t handle it

very well.”

Eileen said nothing, but she brieß y stroked Leslie’s arm.

“Some bad things happened. Dev had an accident.” Leslie closed

her eyes. “Part of that was my fault.” When her mother murmured with

concern, Leslie waved her away. “It’s a long story, and Dev and I have

already talked it out. But it took me years to admit that what she and I

had was what I really wanted.”

“And you have someone now?”

Leslie hesitated. “Yes.”

“Did you Þ nd it again?” Eileen asked softly. “What you had with

Dev?”

“No.” Leslie met her mother’s eyes, her expression ß at.

“Perhaps you will yet.”

“There’s no going back. Besides, everyone knows that Þ rst love is

too sweet to ever last.”

“Not everyone agrees,” her mother pointed out gently.

Leslie shrugged. She wasn’t in the mood to argue, not when they’d

had their Þ rst real conversation in over a decade. “I can drive you to the

hospital to pick up Daddy, if you want.” She scanned the sky, where a

few ß uffy clouds ß oated by. Far to the north a darker cloud bank was

just visible beyond the mountains. “We might get some of that rain

after all.”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to spend some time at your ofÞ ce

today?”

“Dev left me her keys so I could use her truck. I can go in this

afternoon.”

“Go ahead. I can handle things at the hospital.”

“It will be good to have him home.” Leslie slid off the banister

and walked with her mother toward the front door.

“It certainly will.”

“Are we still going to have the Fourth of July party Saturday

night?”

“Of course. The guests always enjoy it, and so do the locals. I am

going to have some of the food catered this year, though, so all we have

to do is make sure the boathouse is in good shape.”

• 143 •

RADCLY fFE

“I’ll take care of overseeing that.”

Eileen squeezed Leslie’s hand. “I’m glad you came home. I’m sorry

there’s been so much for you to do here, but it still feels wonderful.”

“Every now and then, I actually forget I have another life.” Leslie

laughed. “A completely different life.”

“You seem very much yourself to me,” Eileen remarked, opening

the door.

I never thought I’d say this, but I feel like myself here. Leslie

looked over her shoulder down the grassy slope to the boathouse and

the lake beyond. A few boats were out on the lake already. A few of

the guests were walking along the shore, some holding hands. The sun

was impossibly bright, the sky incredibly blue, the silvery surface of

the lake hopelessly beautiful. In the back of her mind, she heard Dev’s

laughter. “Well, it is home, after all.”

v

Leslie sipped her coffee and opened another Þ le. It was amazing

how quickly she’d slipped into work mode as soon as she’d reached

the ofÞ ce. This was comfortable too—reviewing, analyzing, teasing

out the critical facts from a miasma of information. She felt as if she

were hunting, pitting her skills against a wily prey. To the strongest, or

perhaps the smartest, went the victory, and she liked being the victor.

She made some notes, scratched a memo to have her paralegal check

several rulings, and rose to get another cup of coffee.

“Excuse me, Ms. Harris,” the ofÞ ce receptionist said, “but Mr.

Carpenter said we’re going to close early today because of the storm.

He wants to go secure his boat.” The pretty blonde laughed. “He’s

totally weird about that new boat.” Then as if just realizing that Leslie,

although a visiting attorney, was technically her boss, she blushed. “I

mean, he’s—”

Leslie frowned. “Storm? What are you talking about?”

The blonde pointed to the window behind Leslie. “There’s

some kind of freak storm blowing in from the north. Like a summer

Alberta Clipper, without the snow. They’re predicting really high winds

and—”

“Since when?” Leslie snapped, quickly pushing the Þ les she’d

been working on into her briefcase.

“Oh, you know these weathermen. In the winter, they forecast

• 144 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

snow for a week and then we don’t get anything. Then, when something

important happens, like this, it’s a big surprise. Anyhow, it’s supposed

to be a big one and—”

Leslie didn’t hear the rest as she hurried from the room. She

glanced at her watch on her way out of the building. It was almost four

in the afternoon. Her mother and father would be home by now. She

hoped. Outside, she faltered, staring at the sky with a rising sense of

dread. Overhead, the crystal blue of the morning had given way to an

ominous purple, and to the north, the sky was nearly black with roiling

storm clouds. It felt as if the temperature had dropped twenty degrees

since earlier in the day, and the air was oppressively heavy. Her skin

clammy, Leslie shivered and sprinted toward Dev’s truck. Flinging her

briefcase into the backseat, she slid behind the wheel and speed-dialed

the lodge at the same time. She was forty minutes from home if she

pushed all the way.

“Mom? What’s it like up there?”

“The wind is up and the lake looks nasty. It’s going to be a good

blow. Where are you?”

“On my way home.”

“They’re talking about trees down and power out. We aren’t

expected to get hit for another couple of hours yet, so you should be

Þ ne. Drive carefully.”

“What about Dev? Have you talked to her?” Leslie asked urgently.

Because she was out of radio range at the ofÞ ce, she’d left the two-way

in the lodge for her mother to monitor.

“I was just about to call her.”

“Tell her I’ll be out to get her as soon as I get home.”

“Leslie, you can’t go out on the lake. The waves are two feet high

already and there’s a small craft warning.”

“She can’t stay out there in this!”

“I’ll call the forest rangers, then. You’re not going after her.”

“Fine. Call Natalie Evans in the Bolton Landing ofÞ ce. Tell her

she needs to go get Devon. Call her right now.”

Leslie switched on the windshield wipers, although the rain, which

had just started, was still light. “Mom?”

“You just worry about driving. I’ll take care of things here.”

“Call me back as soon as you know what’s happening.” Leslie

tossed the BlackBerry onto the seat beside her. Thankfully, the Northway

was relatively clear of trafÞ c as everyone was trying to reach shelter,

• 145 •

RADCLY fFE

and she pushed Dev’s truck to eighty. Then she switched on the radio,

watching the road as she punched buttons in search of a local station.

Finally, she found the all-news station.

“…winds to Þ fty miles an hour, small craft warnings on all regional

waterways, and heavy ß ooding expected on many of the secondary

roadways. The governor has declared—”

Leslie tuned out the rest of the weather report. Summer storms

often brought high winds and torrential rain, but they usually weren’t

sustained for more than an hour or two. But an off-season variant of a

clipper could last twenty-four hours or more and might dump a foot of

rain. She thought about Dev in a tent on an island that was likely to be

buffeted by gale-force winds and ß ooded by high waves. She stared at

the phone, and as if she had willed it, it vibrated. She snatched it up.

“Hello?”

“Dev says she’s Þ ne. Not to worry.”

“Bullshit. Of course she isn’t Þ ne!” Leslie ß icked on the turn

signal so vehemently the lever nearly snapped off. “I’m exiting now

and I’ll be home in twenty minutes. What did Natalie say?”

“I could only reach the ofÞ cer on the desk. They’re all out

evacuating campers from the islands.”

“Tell him you want to speak to Natalie Evans. Tell him it’s an

emergency. Tell him if you don’t speak to her, I’m going to have

someone’s ass.” Leslie gunned the truck onto Route 9 and fought with

the wheel as it skidded on the wet pavement. “Son of a bitch.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just call them back.” Leslie clutched the phone and

switched the wipers to high as rain battered the windshield. Her chest

tightened and out of the blue, the ß uttering started. She blinked as a

wave of dizziness swept through her and she shook her head angrily to

dispel it. “I don’t have time for this.”

To her relief, the brief episode passed and her vision cleared. She

concentrated on what needed to be done. If her mother didn’t reach

Natalie, her choices were few. In fact, there was only one choice.

The parking lot was empty, as were the grounds, as Leslie roared

into the lot. She jumped out and sprinted through the steady rain to the

lodge. The wind had picked up, and she noticed that most of the leaves

had turned over, their bottoms to the sky. It was a sure sign that the

barometric pressure was falling and a big storm was on its way. Eileen

met her at the door.

• 146 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Did you reach Natalie?” Leslie gasped.

Eileen shook her head. “The ranger in the ofÞ ce promised to get a

message to her. She knows Dev is out there, Leslie. She’ll get her.”

“Natalie’s going to be lucky to get all the campers out of the

campsites. And she has to do that Þ rst. She has to. Besides, she knows

that Dev is better equipped than anyone else to ride out the storm, so

she’ll leave her till last.” Leslie hurried to the small ofÞ ce beyond the

dining room and snatched up the two-way. “Dev? Dev, do you read

me?”

“Leslie…hear you.”

Even through the static, the sound of Dev’s voice instantly quieted

her racing heart. “Hey you. I’ll be there in an hour. Everything okay?”

“Don’t …co…ere. D…you read…on’t… Les…”

“An hour, Devon. See you then.” Leslie switched off and turned

to Þ nd her father watching from his wheelchair in the doorway. Hastily,

she bent down and kissed his cheek. “Hi, Daddy. Welcome home. I’m

sorry, I have to go right back out.”

“Your mother told me about your friend.” Paul Harris backed his

wheelchair up to allow Leslie room to pass. “It’ll be rough out there on

the water, sweetheart.”

“Good thing you taught me how to handle the boat, then,” Leslie

called on the run.

“Check your gear before you head out,” he shouted after her.

“I will. Don’t worry.” Leslie pulled her mother’s rain slicker off

a coat tree just inside the back door and slammed out. Pulling it on,

she hurried down to the docks. There wasn’t much of a margin before

the storm really broke, but she calculated there would be just enough

time to get there and back. She jumped into the boat and did a quick

check in the storage lockers for the critical items—battery-powered

searchlights, the GPS transmitter, an inß atable life raft, and PFDs. She

shrugged into a life vest and zipped it up, then released the tie lines

and pushed the boat away from the dock. As she turned the key in the

ignition and revved the motor, she thought grimly of backwash and the

effect of the propellers on the sediment in the shallows. Right now, that

seemed far less important than reaching Devon. In fact, she couldn’t

think of a single thing that felt more critical.

She hunched her shoulders against the driving wind, narrowed her

eyes in the pelting rain, and thrust the throttle to the max. The boat

leapt forward, the big motor whining as the bow crashed heavily in the

• 147 •

RADCLY fFE

troughs between the waves. Her teeth knocked together painfully, and

she clenched her jaws and spread her legs to steady herself, keeping a

death grip on the wheel. She didn’t think about the impending storm or

the rising chop. She thought about Dev. This time, she had no intention

of leaving Dev to face danger alone.

• 148 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Leslie! Leslie, do you read?” Dev held the two-way close to her

ear with one hand and dragged her tarp over the equipment

cases she had piled in a rocky cul-de-sac near her campsite with the

other. She waited a full minute for a response, then jammed the radio

into the front pocket of her anorak. “God damn it.”

Rain drummed steadily against the leaves overhead, but the

canopy was not yet saturated and only a slow drizzle was getting

through to her. The wind had picked up, though, and it wouldn’t be

long before the rain penetrated the last remaining barrier between her

and the angry sky. She piled rocks around the edges of the tarp and

hastily trenched it as well as she could with the small folding shovel

she’d packed with her camping gear. Then she trenched her tent and

pounded extra stakes with additional guidelines into the Þ rmest ground

she could Þ nd. Thunder rolled and a sheet of rain sliced through the

trees, hitting her in the back of the neck, immediately soaking her shirt.

She couldn’t even be bothered to swear, but just pulled her hood over

her head.

After checking one more time to see that everything was as secure

as she could make it, she skidded down the narrow path to the shore,

following the trail through the trees she’d created by her daily trek to

the lake. By the time Dev reached the shore, the wind buffeted her body

and she needed to lean forward to maintain her balance. The thin rim of

sandy beach was gone, washed away by the pounding waves. Clinging

to the slippery bank with an arm around a tree, she pulled out the radio.

“Leslie? Leslie, this is Dev. Where the hell are you?”

She hoped someone had had the good sense to keep Leslie off

• 149 •

RADCLY fFE

the lake. The surface of the water was so churned up it looked like the

ocean rather than an inland lake. The sky had darkened to the point

where she needed to use her ß ashlight to check her watch. It’d been

a little over an hour since her last communication with Leslie. Dev

squinted into the rain and scanned the lake, but the visibility was less

than Þ fty yards. She jammed her hands into her pockets, hunched her

shoulders against the wind, and ignored the cold as icy rain soaked

through her jeans below her anorak.

Five minutes later, she heard it—the sound of an engine laboring

somewhere in the inky mist. She switched on her ß ashlight and waved

it in a wide, slow arc above her head, squinting so hard into the rain

that her eyes ached. The air howled like a creature in pain, and for

a moment, Dev thought she’d imagined the sound of a motor. Then

a ß icker of light caught her eye, went out, and ß ickered on again. A

rhythmic on and off that she recognized as a bow light, cresting and

disappearing into the troughs between the waves as a boat fought its

way to shore. She couldn’t make out the Þ gure in the boat as the craft

wallowed, spun sideways, and threatened to go over. Miraculously,

the pilot maneuvered the bow around until it pointed toward shore

again, but the water was so rough the boat couldn’t land. Holding the

ß ashlight above her head with one hand, Dev waded into the water up

to her thighs and stretched out an arm.

“Throw the line!” she shouted against the wind, knowing it was

hopeless. She could feel the words being forced down her throat before

they’d even cleared her lips. Nevertheless, a line snaked through the air

and whipped across her chest. Reß exively, she caught it and wrapped it

around her forearm. Fortunately, her jacket protected her arm, because

the rope immediately tightened like a noose. She could feel it biting

into her skin even with the protection of the nylon. Gritting her teeth

against the pain, she leaned backward toward shore, using her body as

an anchor to keep the front of the boat directed toward land. Each time

the rope loosened she stepped backward, keeping the guideline tight.

She could see Leslie’s face now, screaming something to her.

One step. Two. Three. Dev stumbled, fell backward into the

lake, and lost her ß ashlight. The rope around her arm loosened as she

swallowed water and ß ailed in the shallows just offshore. Coughing and

sputtering, struggling in her boots and wet jeans, she tried unsuccessfully

to regain her feet. Then an arm circled around her waist and steadied

her. She broke the surface spewing water and gasping for air.

• 150 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Are you crazy?” Leslie shouted. “You could’ve gone under the

boat and gotten tangled up in the propeller. I could have killed you!”

“Look who’s talking,” Dev shouted back. “What the hell are you

doing out here? You’re lucky you didn’t capsize in the middle of the

lake and drown.”

“The storm’s coming in faster than they predicted,” Leslie said,

ignoring Dev’s chastisement. “The lake’s too rough to make the return

trip now.”

“Let’s secure the boat and get to high ground!”

Even as they shouted, Dev and Leslie both grabbed the towrope

and dragged the boat as far up onto what remained of the shoreline

as they could. Then Leslie staggered up the muddy bank and began

wrapping the line around a rocky outcropping. Dev joined her, and

between them, they secured the boat as well as they could.

“We’ll be lucky if it doesn’t wash away,” Dev said, her mouth

close to Leslie’s ear.

“We’ll be lucky if we don’t wash away!”

“Come on,” Dev said, taking Leslie’s hand. “Follow me.”

Just as they cleared the underbrush and reached the relative

sanctuary of the forest, a tremendous crash sounded overhead and a

giant pine toppled and fell almost directly on top of them. Dev yanked

Leslie with her as she dove off the trail and against the base of another

evergreen. The trunk of the falling pine ended up canted against the tree

that protected them, about four feet above their heads.

“Are you okay?” Dev yelled.

“Scratched up a bit, but in one piece,” Leslie called back.

“We need to crawl out from under here and head uphill. I’ll go

Þ rst. Hold on to my jeans so you can follow me.”

“Be careful.”

Dev pushed at the branches with one arm and forced a tunnel

through them with her head and shoulders. Now and then she registered

discomfort, but her whole body felt bruised and battered and a little

more pain barely mattered. Once she cleared the maze of branches, she

turned on her back and reached down for Leslie’s arms to pull her free

of the debris. Leslie crawled out and collapsed on top of Dev. The rain

was so heavy it felt as if they were at the bottom of a waterfall and, once

again, Dev was breathing water. She coughed.

Leslie sheltered Dev’s upturned face with her body. “You’re

bleeding!”

• 151 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev pressed her cheek to Leslie’s chest and managed to draw air

into her lungs instead of rain. “I’m okay. The…campsite’s…a hundred

yards from here. Let’s…go.”

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

“I’m good.”

Reluctantly, Leslie slid to the side so Dev could get to her knees.

Then Leslie wrapped her arm around Dev’s waist and helped her up.

When Dev tried to pull away, she tightened her grip. “Don’t be stubborn.

Just get us there.”

Traversing the slope was like walking through a sluice jammed

with logs. The rain was a solid wall of water, and branches skimmed by

out of nowhere, bouncing off their bodies and scraping their faces and

hands. After what felt like an interminable struggle, Dev stumbled to a

halt next to a nylon tent. With hands numb from cold and swollen from

batting away projectiles, she fumbled with the zipper and Þ nally got it

open. Together, she and Leslie pushed through the ß ap, Dev zippered it

behind them, and they both collapsed onto Dev’s sleeping bag.

For Þ ve minutes the only sound in the small tent was the rasp of

their arduous breathing. Then Dev sat up, fumbled in the dark, and

Þ nally turned on a battery-powered lantern. The tent roof and sides

billowed in and out as if it were a living, breathing organism.

“Some storm,” Dev muttered, setting the light on the metal lid of

a cooking pot in one corner of the tent.

“Uh-huh,” Leslie said.

Dev pulled off her anorak and spread it out in one corner. “You

shouldn’t have come.”

With a grunt of effort, Leslie rolled onto her side to face Dev.

Although generously called a four-person tent, the tent was designed for

two people to sleep with just enough space on either side for a little bit

of gear. Dev had obviously brought all of her critical equipment inside,

because there was barely room for the two of them on the sleeping bag.

And that was taking into account the fact that the steel toe of one of

Dev’s spare boots was pressed into Leslie’s backside.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, all hell is breaking loose out there,”

Leslie said.

Dev glared. “My point precisely. That was a crazy stunt. Here, let

me have your jacket.”

Leslie handed Dev her wet rain gear. “If the weathermen had been

• 152 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

even close to accurate, we should’ve had enough time to get back to

the mainland.”

“And when have you ever known that to happen?” Dev leaned

down on one elbow, the length of her body stretched out beside Leslie.

Leslie hesitated. “Point taken.” When Dev smiled, she said more

softly, “I really thought we had another hour or two.”

“I should say thanks for coming,” Dev said quietly, “but I’m still

too terriÞ ed to be gracious.”

“TerriÞ ed?” Leslie arched a brow.

“I was worried about you.” Dev touched a bruise on Leslie’s

forehead. “Looks like you got clobbered with something.”

“A branch, I think.” Leslie traced a Þ ngertip over Dev’s cheek.

“You’re bleeding.”

Dev snorted and rubbed the blood away on her sleeve. “We’re a

mess.” She shivered violently. “And it’s getting cold. We need to get

out of these clothes.”

“I don’t have spares.”

“You can wear some of mine.”

Leslie sat up and wrapped her arms around her torso. “Do you

have a Þ rst aid kit? We ought to clean that scrape on your face.”

“The scratch won’t kill me. Let’s get dry Þ rst.”

“Good idea.” Leslie glanced around the interior of the tent while

Dev pulled a duffel into her lap and unzipped it. There was absolutely

no possibility of privacy. Well, that shouldn’t matter. They were both

adults and this was an emergency. Still, Leslie’s throat was irrationally

dry. She’d never seen Dev naked. They hadn’t been in the same phys.

ed. class in high school, and Dev hadn’t played any organized sports.

There’d never been any reason to undress in the locker room in front

of one another.

“Here’s a sweatshirt and jeans. They’ll Þ t you.” Dev handed

over the clothes, piled similar items at her feet for herself, and began

unlacing her boots. Without looking at Leslie, she continued, “I’ve got

socks for you but no dry boots.”

“Thanks.” Leslie decided that speed was the best option and

hurriedly pulled her top and bra off together in one quick motion. She

was soaked to the skin. “God, this is miserable.”

“Here’s a towel for your hair. It’s the only one, so we’ll have to

sha—” The words died in Dev’s throat as she half turned to hand Leslie

• 153 •

RADCLY fFE

the towel. Leslie’s arms were extended over her head with the dry

sweatshirt partway down. Her breasts were full and pale, her nipples

puckered from the cold. Even in the lamplight, Dev could see the bluish

tint to her skin. “Jesus, Les. You’re freezing.”

“I’m just—” Leslie went still, staring at Dev between the triangle

of her raised arms as Dev leaned toward her.

Rising to her knees, Dev rapidly wrapped the towel she still held

in her hands around Leslie’s chest and began to rub her vigorously.

“Christ, you’re shaking.”

It wasn’t from the cold. Even through the towel, Leslie could

feel Dev’s hands on her. Her brain told her that Dev was just drying

her off, but her body translated the movements into something quite

different. She felt Dev’s palms cup her breasts and Dev’s thumbs ß ick

her nipples. Against her will she arched her back, lifting her breasts

and hips, seeking more contact. Her thighs and pelvis nestled into Dev.

Leslie caught back a gasp. “You’re wet too. You need to get out of that

shirt and your jeans.”

“In a minute,” Dev muttered, leaning closer to reach Leslie’s back.

“Almost done.”

Leslie couldn’t tolerate the contact any longer. She either needed

more, much more, or she needed to get away from the heat of Dev’s

body and the Þ re that ignited everywhere that Dev touched her. She

yanked the sweatshirt down over her head, and once her hands were

free, pushed the towel and Dev away. “Get dry, Dev.”

Startled by the irritation in Leslie’s voice, Dev stared at the towel

in her hands, then into Leslie’s eyes. Leslie’s pupils were wide and

dark, as if she were very angry or very aroused. Dev wondered what

secrets her own eyes revealed, because while she’d been preoccupied

taking care of Leslie, she hadn’t allowed herself to consider what she’d

been touching. But now, even when there was no contact at all between

them, she could feel the weight of Leslie’s breasts in her hands. She

wanted to touch them again. “Take off your pants and get into the

sleeping bag.”

Leslie waited until Dev had turned her back to remove her shirt

before unzipping her own jeans, struggling out of them and her panties,

and climbing into the sleeping bag. Much as she had when Dev had

cooked in the kitchen the previous week, Leslie watched the muscles

in Dev’s back ß ex and ripple as she dried her hair and chest. But in

• 154 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

the kitchen, Dev had worn a shirt. Now the smooth expanse of

muscle and skin shimmered and called to her. Leslie closed her eyes and

didn’t open them again until she felt Dev shift around on the sleeping

bag.

“I can’t get my pants on in here unless you get off the bag and give

me a little room,” Leslie said, feeling ridiculously like a mummy.

Dev, in a dry shirt and jeans, grinned. “I can’t go very far, but I’ll

try.” She got to her knees and straddled the sleeping bag. “That’s about

it.”

“Great,” Leslie muttered, twisting around in the bag, rocking

against the inside of Dev’s thighs before Þ nally managing to knee her

soundly in the crotch.

“Omph,” Dev grunted. “Glad you don’t have much range of

motion in there. Could be dangerous out here.”

Leslie couldn’t help it, she laughed. “Shut up, Devon, and get in

here.”

Dev stared. “What?”

“What was your plan?” Leslie inquired evenly. “That I should

sleep in the sleeping bag, all nice and cozy, while you lie on the outside

and freeze?”

“Well, I hadn’t exactly intended the freezing part.”

“Just get in here.” Leslie pulled back the ß ap and turned on her

side to give Dev as much room as possible. “Do you think the roof will

hold up in this rain?”

The torrent outside continued and gave no indication of letting

up.

“It’s good gear. We ought to stay dry.” Dev turned out the lantern

and then inched her way down into the sleeping bag, trying not to slide

her body along Leslie’s. When she was all the way in, they faced one

another awkwardly with nowhere to comfortably place their knees and

elbows. Dev blew out a breath. “The only way this is going to work is

if one of us lies on her back and the other sleeps half on top. So, top or

bottom?”

Leslie couldn’t see Dev’s face in the dark, but she thought she

heard amusement in her tone. Tightly, she said, “Top.”

“Works for me.” Dev curved one arm behind Leslie’s neck and

shoulders, settled onto her back, and pulled Leslie down into the curve

of her body. Leslie’s head nestled on her shoulder, with Leslie’s torso

• 155 •

RADCLY fFE

and one leg partially on top of her body. Dev took a minute to adjust

to the unfamiliar and yet completely natural feel of Leslie lying in her

arms. Then she whispered, “Okay?”

“Perfect,” Leslie said sarcastically. She was fairly certain that Dev

didn’t realize just how much she meant exactly what she said.

• 156 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Are you sleeping?” Leslie whispered.

“No.” Dev shifted carefully and resettled Leslie’s head

against her shoulder. She didn’t feel tired, and even if she were, she

doubted she would sleep. Being cocooned with Leslie had ramped her

every sense to high alert. The smell of Leslie’s hair, the tickle of Leslie’s

breath against her neck, the soft weight of Leslie’s breasts molded to

her side—Dev felt as if she were underwater again, only this time she

was immersed in Leslie, and drowning was a welcome pleasure. Her

body was vibrating, and she wondered why Leslie couldn’t feel it.

“Cold?” Leslie unconsciously pressed closer, wrapping an arm

around Dev’s middle.

“No. You?”

“Uh-uh. Toasty.” Leslie lay angled onto Dev’s left side, her cheek

against Dev’s chest, above her heart. Dev’s heartbeat, slow and steady,

was a soothing counterpoint to the ß urry of rain on the tent. Leslie had

never been this intimate with a friend, and rarely with a lover. She and

Rachel barely had time to have sex. They weren’t into lounging in bed.

Dev’s body was solid, heavier than Rachel’s; her hand where it rested

lightly on Leslie’s back was larger, her legs thicker with muscle. Leslie

ß ushed with a body memory of Dev kissing her on the bench by the

lake, the weight of her pinning her down, Dev’s mouth on her bare

stomach, moving lower. Oh, God, don’t go there. Not with her so close.

Leslie focused on something safer—the storm. “It’s still coming down

out there.”

“We’re probably in for another twelve hou—”

• 157 •

RADCLY fFE

Somewhere close, very close, a crack like a riß e shot was followed

by a thud that shook the ground beneath them. Leslie ß inched and,

unconsciously trying to shield Dev, ß ung her arm over Dev’s face at the

same time as Dev pulled Leslie’s head into the protective curve of her

neck. After long tense seconds, Leslie started to breathe again.

“I guess if you hear it, it didn’t fall on you,” Leslie murmured.

Her heart was pounding, but she sensed none of the rapid irregularity

that usually preceded one of her light-headed episodes. She was just

plain damn scared. “I should’ve gotten to you sooner. We’re like sitting

ducks out here.”

Dev laughed. “The ducks are doing a lot better than we are right

now. Besides, when we talked this morning everything was calm and

clear.” She rested her cheek against the top of Leslie’s head. “You came

as soon as you could, and you shouldn’t have come at all.”

Leslie poked Dev in the stomach. “Don’t start that again. I didn’t

do anything you wouldn’t have done.”

“Actually, you did,” Dev said. “I couldn’t have gotten that boat

this far. I’m not that good.”

Pleased, Leslie traced her Þ ngertips along the open collar of Dev’s

shirt, just skimming the warm skin beneath. “I practically grew up

around boats. I’ve been piloting one since I was tall enough to see over

the steering wheel. When I was younger, I loved the speed.”

“Yeah, I seem to recall that while you were tearing up the water,

I was tearing up the road on my bike.”

Leslie heard a wistful note in her voice. “Do you ride anymore?”

“No, the road shock really plays hell with my hip.”

“I didn’t realize it was a problem now,” Leslie said quietly. She

knew Dev had been badly injured, but she didn’t know the precise

extent. How could she? She’d never tried to Þ nd out back then, and

hadn’t asked recently. Still blocking it out, still running. God, what a

coward. “You don’t limp. I never realized it still bothered you.”

“It doesn’t, most of the time. Sometimes when I’m cold or stiff,

my leg aches but—”

“God, this must be killing you! Lying on the ground with me on

top of you?” Immediately guilty, angry with herself for not thinking of

Dev—again—Leslie tried to lift herself off Dev. “Why didn’t you say

something? Damn it, Dev—”

Dev tightened her grip on Leslie’s shoulder, and since there was

very little room to maneuver in the bag, it wasn’t difÞ cult to keep Leslie

• 158 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

in place. “It’s plenty warm in here and my leg feels Þ ne. Stop fussing

before one of us gets an elbow in the eye.”

Still grumbling, Leslie settled back down, but their positions had

altered just enough that her leg came to rest between Dev’s. She heard

Dev gasp and knew that her own breath had caught audibly.

“Sorry,” Leslie said, trying unsuccessfully to disentangle her leg.

She needed to get away from Dev, immediately. The place where her

thigh rested high up between Dev’s legs was hot, and she imagined the

warmth of Dev’s sex cupped in her palm. The ridge of Dev’s hipbone

snugged into her mons, and she barely resisted the urge to rub against

her. She was full and throbbing and Dev’s Þ rm body felt so good. So

terribly good. When she clenched inside, instantly wet, she pushed at

Dev’s chest. “I need to get out. Can you reach the zipper?”

“What’s wrong? Where are you going?” Dev asked thickly.

Somehow her hands had ended up nestled in the curve of Leslie’s lower

back. Another inch and Leslie would be completely on top of her, and

Dev would be lost. Most of her wanted to be lost, because somehow she

knew it would feel like being found. But the little part of her that was

still able to stand apart and look down at them in the sleeping bag, with

the world a screaming, swirling chaos outside, told her it was not the

time. She groaned softly. “When will it ever be the time?”

“What?” Leslie whispered when Dev murmured something into

her hair that she couldn’t make out. When Dev merely shook her head,

Leslie stroked her cheek. Dev’s cheek was damp, and she was shaking.

Leslie wasn’t sure why, but Dev was hurting, and knowing that was

breaking her heart. Could the truth be so terrible? “I want to make love

with you.”

“I want to too,” Dev said, lying absolutely still, her hands barely

making contact. She was afraid of losing it again, like she had the Þ rst

time and then again last week. But the wanting was a huge void begging

to be Þ lled, a pain more profound than any broken bone or mangled

muscle had ever been. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

The tent Þ lled with silence louder than the storm.

Truth, Leslie thought. The one thing she still owed Dev, what she

would always owe her, was truth. The words tore at Leslie’s throat. “I

want you so much, but I’m afraid it’s a mistake.”

“I know it is.” Dev ran her Þ ngers through Leslie’s hair, then

cupped the back of her neck. Leslie’s breasts were cleaved to hers,

their stomachs moving together as they breathed, their intertwined

• 159 •

RADCLY fFE

legs trembling. Leslie lifted her head as if to speak and Dev kissed

her tenderly, just the barest touch of lips. An ache of wonder Þ lled her

chest and her words came out on a sob. “I know it’s a mistake, Les, but

I don’t feel it. When I touch you, when I’m anywhere near you, places

open up inside of me that are Þ lled with sunlight. Places that have been

dark for so long.”

“Oh God, Dev,” Leslie whispered, wanting to kiss her so badly.

She hungered for Dev’s passion to ß ood over her the way it had every

time they’d kissed, and the force of her wanting terriÞ ed her. “I can’t

tell anymore what’s real and what isn’t. Up until a few weeks ago I

knew exactly who I was, what I was doing, where I was going. Now

I…I hardly recognize myself.”

“Do you love her?”

The question pierced Leslie’s heart, because she had never asked

it herself. Of herself. Even though she couldn’t see Dev clearly in the

pitch-black tent, Leslie closed her eyes. She didn’t need to see Dev’s

face to hear the pain, and knew what the asking had cost her. She kept

her eyes closed while she searched for an answer, because she couldn’t

bear to see ever again what her words did to Dev. Truth. God, what was

truth? Were there gradations of truth? Was something true only if she

didn’t know any other way to be, any other way to feel? When had truth

become relative for her? When had love?

Did she love Rachel? Two years. She’d been a willing partner

in making the relationship whatever it was or wasn’t. Rachel was not

at fault for never giving Leslie what she hadn’t demanded, and Leslie

would not negate her as she had once negated Dev. She took a deep

breath and refused to qualify or excuse—as much as her heart screamed

out for her to. “Yes.”

With trembling Þ ngers, Dev traced Leslie’s face in the dark—her

forehead, her cheeks, her mouth. Then she unzipped the bag. “I’m going

to get out. Keep the bag closed so you don’t lose all the heat.”

“What are you going to do?” Leslie forced herself to release her

hold on Dev and rolled over onto her side as the bag opened and Dev

extricated herself.

Dev sat up and rummaged for the lantern and turned it on, then

checked her watch. “It’s midnight. If the rain doesn’t let up enough for

us to chance taking the boat out on the lake in the morning, we’ll have

to try starting a Þ re to dry out some of our gear. The tent’s holding, but

the ß oor’s damp.”

• 160 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie caught Dev’s arm. “What are you going to do for the rest

of the night, Dev?”

“I’m going to hunt out whatever dryish wood I can and get it under

a tarp.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” Leslie threw back the top of the

sleeping bag, sat up next to Dev, and clamped a hand on her arm.

“Besides the rain, it’s not safe out there. In case you’ve forgotten, trees

are falling like matchsticks. If one comes down on you, I’d never Þ nd

you.”

“Les, I’ll be okay.”

“No.”

Dev looked away. On Leslie, anger looked a lot like arousal. And

Dev was still very close to boiling, and the pressure of Leslie’s Þ ngers

digging into her arm was as potent as a caress. If they struggled in

the small space, she’d lose the last frayed rein on the desire that was

choking her. She’d be all over Leslie, and there were only so many

times she could stop. “Okay. We should both try to get some sleep,

then. I’ll put on some extra clothes and sleep on top of the bag. I’ll be

okay.”

“That’s absolutely ridiculous,” Leslie barked. “We ought to

be capable of sleeping next to one another fully clothed. We’re not

teenagers, for God’s sake.”

Dev laughed harshly. “No, we’re not. That part, I do understand.”

“Then get back into the sleeping bag.” Leslie Þ sted the front of

Dev’s shirt and pulled her down. Her expression softened as she barely

resisted caressing Dev’s stony face. “Get in, zip it back up, and turn on

your side with your back to me.”

Since it made as much sense as both of them sitting up for the rest

of the night, freezing, Dev complied. It took some doing, but Þ nally

she lay with Leslie curved along her back and Leslie’s hand resting on

her shoulder. As much as she knew it was crazy, she was grateful for

whatever bit of contact she could have with Leslie for however short

a time. She was too tired and wound too tight to think much beyond

that.

Leslie rested her cheek lightly against Dev’s back and closed her

eyes. Truth.

Do you love her?

Yes, but never the way I loved you.

• 161 •

RADCLY fFE

v

Leslie awoke in hazy gray light, damp and stiff and aroused. She

was in the same position she had been in the night before when she’d

fallen asleep, her belly and breasts snugged against Dev’s butt and

back. Her borrowed jeans were a size too big for her, but she still felt

an uncomfortable tightness in her groin, a deep throbbing pressure that

had her longing for release. She’d never been so aware of her body, or

another woman’s, or of the relentless urgency to be touched. She inched

away and felt Dev stir immediately. Dev must have been lying awake.

“What time is it?” Leslie whispered.

“About six.”

“I don’t know what I want Þ rst. We skipped dinner and I’m hungry.

I want to brush my teeth. And I have to pee.”

Dev laughed, found the zipper, and opened the bag. She crawled

out, gritting her teeth as pain lanced down her leg, and slowly worked

her way into a sitting position. Her right hip was on Þ re. “The Þ rst two

I can help you with. You’re on your own with the last one.” She leaned

over and pulled a dry bag from a pile. “How about a protein bar to stave

off starvation?”

“Let me take a quick run outside and I’ll take you up on it.” Leslie

lifted one of her ruined shoes and grimaced. “They’re a wreck. Would

you mind if I wore your boots?”

“Go ahead.”

After Leslie left the tent, Dev tried her two-way radio. The batteries

were still good, but she couldn’t raise anyone back at Lakeview. From

the sounds of the storm, the wind was still high. She dug out the rubber

boots she wore for shallow water work and followed Leslie out to take

care of her own call of nature. When she was done, she inspected the

trench around the tent. Even though nearly obliterated by the driving

downpour, it had nevertheless protected them from a great deal of

runoff. With a sigh, she turned to get the shovel from the tent to re-dig

it.

“Your leg’s bothering you, isn’t it?” Leslie said, stepping from the

woods into the small clearing around the tent. “You’re limping pretty

badly this morning.”

“Too much time in one position.” As sore, tired, and emotionally

• 162 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

exhausted as she was, Dev couldn’t help but smile. Leslie had rolled

up the sleeves and cuffs of Dev’s sweatshirt and jeans, both of which

were a size too big for her, and she looked as young and fresh as she

had when they were kids.

“What?” Leslie asked grumpily.

“Nothing.”

Leslie cocked her head and squinted appraisingly at Dev,

impatiently brushing rain from her eyes with one hand. The torrent had

subsided to a heavy, steady deluge. “What do we need to do?”

“For now, just freshen up these trenches to keep the ß oor as dry

as we can. If we have to sleep another night out here, I don’t want the

sleeping bag getting wet.”

“I’m not sleeping out here another night.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be okay. Once we have a Þ re going, we can

get things reasonably dry.”

“Where’s the shovel?” Leslie walked to the tent and yanked down

the zipper on the ß ap. It wasn’t about sleeping wet. She didn’t care if she

had to sleep under the trees in a monsoon. She couldn’t spend another

night next to Dev, not without imploding or attacking her. She couldn’t

even look at her without starting to ache. Dev had circles under her

eyes, her wet hair clung in disheveled strands to her neck, and her work

shirt and jeans were mud streaked. And she was absolutely gorgeous.

“I’ll take care of it,” Dev said.

Leslie turned abruptly and found Dev inches from her. She balled

her Þ sts so she wouldn’t slide her hands into Dev’s hair. “You won’t.

You’ll get in that tent and lie down. You can hardly walk.”

Dev’s jaw tightened. Even in the rain and shadowy light, Leslie’s

eyes blazed. Dev wanted to kiss her. She wanted more than that. She

wanted Leslie under her, naked and open and wet.

“Get in the tent, Dev,” Leslie said, watching the hunger rise in

Dev’s face. No one had ever looked at her like that before, and she

craved it now like nothing she had ever known. Her voice dropped to a

whisper. “Please.”

“Leslie—”

“Glad to see you two are still in one piece!” Natalie called as she

materialized out of the woods.

Dev jerked and stepped back a pace. Leslie took a long breath

and settled herself before turning to face the ranger. Natalie stood with

• 163 •

RADCLY fFE

her hands on her hips observing them with a curious expression on her

face. She looked tired but disgustingly dry in a rain poncho, nylon rain

pants, and boots. Leslie tried not to snarl.

“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” Natalie said. “How about I give

you two a ride back to land?”

“I’ll take my own boat back,” Leslie said.

“I’m staying here with my equipment,” Dev said.

Slowly shaking her head, Natalie slid her hands through the slits

in the poncho and into her pants pockets. “Sorry, no to both of those

ideas. We’re evacuating all the campsites, so you need to pack up

whatever critical items you have, Dev.” She regarded Leslie pointedly.

“You were lucky to make it here at all, Ms. Harris. The lake is still far

too rough for your craft. You’ll be riding with me.”

Leslie didn’t like being given an ultimatum, but she needed to get

back to the mainland. She needed enough space from Dev to be able to

draw a breath that wasn’t Þ lled with need. “I want to be sure my boat

is secure.”

“I’ll help you with that while Dev gets her stuff together.”

Natalie turned and walked back into the woods, leaving Leslie no

choice but to follow. When Natalie stopped on the lake bank, Leslie

came up beside her and studied her boat rocking hard in the churning

water. Natalie’s larger, heavier departmental craft was anchored nearby.

One of them would have to climb down the bank into the water to get

more lines on her boat or it was going to break free. “We’re going to

get wet doing this.”

“I’ll get extra lines from my boat.”

“I couldn’t get much wetter,” Leslie said when Natalie returned

with the ropes. “I’ll go. You stay up here to secure them.”

When Leslie started down the steep, muddy bank, Natalie wrapped

an arm around a tree that canted out over the water, leaned out as far as

she could, and held out her hand.

“Here, grab on so you don’t fall.”

“Thanks.” When Leslie took Natalie’s hand their eyes met.

Natalie’s were dark and considering.

“That was pretty risky, coming out here yesterday,” Natalie said

conversationally.

“She was out here alone,” Leslie said. “You would have done the

same.”

• 164 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I wanted to.”

“I can imagine.”

Natalie smiled faintly. “Can you?”

“Yes,” Leslie said softly, “I can.”

• 165 •

• 166 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER NINETEEN

While Natalie stood at the wheel in the cockpit, her legs braced

wide apart for balance in the buffeting wind and rain, Leslie

huddled on the bench across from Dev. The sky was a muddy brown,

the water an angry gray, and both suited her mood. She hated being

rescued, even though she knew it was the wisest course. The swells

were higher than she’d ever seen them on the lake, and even in the

larger, heavier park service craft, the ride was harrowing. In her boat

it would have been impossible. Conversation was impossible, too, but

even if she’d wanted to talk to Dev, Dev clearly didn’t want to talk to

her. Dev sat with her body angled forward toward Natalie, her face

impassive.

Leslie wondered what she was thinking. They hadn’t had any

time to talk since Natalie showed up at the campsite, but then Leslie

wasn’t sure what she would say to her. What could she say? I’m sorry?

That hardly seemed to cover how many wrong turns she’d taken with

Dev, starting when they’d been seventeen. Last night, though, might

just have been her crowning moment. They weren’t impulsive kids

anymore, but she hadn’t been able to keep her hands to herself or her

mouth shut. She’d been in the midst of seducing Dev—Leslie cringed

inwardly but there was no other word for it—she’d told Dev she wanted

to make love, for God’s sake. And then in the next breath she’d said no.

What had she been thinking? Nothing, obviously.

When she looked back on her relationship with Dev, it was littered

with regret. The only good thing to come of the entire visit had been

that she and Dev had Þ nally talked about what had happened between

them the night of the accident. Of course, that conversation had nearly

• 167 •

RADCLY fFE

ended with them mindlessly screwing on the shore. Maybe it was better

if they didn’t talk. Leslie stared at Dev and her heart raced. No, it was

better if they weren’t anywhere near one another.

With a sigh, Leslie closed her eyes. Her father was home from the

hospital and headed toward recovery, her mother had hired a temporary

cook and part-time handyman, and she had even gotten the medical

tests she was supposed to have. God knew, she’d certainly had enough

rest and relaxation. Any more, and she would lose her mind. She’d stay

to help her mother with the July Fourth bash, and then she was going

back to Manhattan. Back to the orderly, satisfying life she had chosen,

the one that suited her.

“You okay?” Dev shouted over the wind.

Leslie opened her eyes, her pulse racing when her eyes met Dev’s.

“Yes! You?”

Dev grinned ruefully and shrugged.

Even though relieved at the imminent prospect of heading back

toward sanity, Leslie couldn’t ignore the pang at knowing she wouldn’t

see Dev again. And with the heat of Dev’s body still alive in her mind,

Leslie feared it would take more than distance to extinguish the memory.

When the sound of the motor revving down caught Leslie’s attention,

she looked away from Dev with both sorrow and relief.

Natalie was guiding the boat up to the wide, rain-slicked dock

alongside Lakeview’s boathouse. It was deserted, as were the grounds.

Many of the cars that had been in the parking lot were gone, and Leslie

expected that a fair number of people had cut short their vacations when

the weather turned bad. In a way, that wasn’t such a bad thing, because

it would give her mother a break before the inß ux of new guests for the

long weekend.

Natalie throttled down, eased the boat against the side of the dock,

and called over her shoulder, “Someone want to climb out and grab the

lines?”

Leslie was closer to the dock side and hurriedly clambered

out, dragging the stern line with her. She pulled the craft against the

cushioned bumpers attached to the side of the dock and wrapped a line

around a cleat while Natalie jumped from the bow and did the same.

“Thanks,” Natalie called, hunching her shoulders in the wind.

“No problem.” Out of the corner of her eye, Leslie saw Dev

stumble as she climbed from the boat onto the dock, a grimace of pain

on her face. “Dev!”

• 168 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie lunged for her, but Natalie was closer.

“Hey there,” Natalie cried, grasping Dev around the waist and

steadying her so she didn’t fall. Her face concerned, she smoothed her

free hand over Dev’s chest. “Your leg’s taking a pretty good hit in this

weather, isn’t it?”

“Some,” Dev said tightly, wrapping her arm around Natalie’s

shoulders for balance.

Leslie pulled up short, recognizing that her help wasn’t needed

and also aware that although smaller, Natalie was holding Dev up. It

was also obvious that Natalie knew about the old injury to Dev’s leg.

Clearly, Dev had told her about the accident, and Leslie wondered how

much else Natalie knew about that night. Not that it mattered.

“Come on, let’s get the both of you up to the lodge and dried out.”

Natalie kept her arm around Dev as the three of them negotiated the

wet slope up to the lodge. Once on the porch, Natalie said, “I’ll let you

know when you can go back out to the island for your gear, Dev. I don’t

imagine you’ll be taking any more samples for a while.”

“Not until the effects of the storm settle down. Probably a week or

so.” Dev eased out of Natalie’s grasp and carefully put weight on her

leg. “Thanks.”

“My pleasure.” Natalie smiled softly at Dev. “I may be busy all

day, but I’ll talk to you later.” She turned to Leslie. “I’ll give you a ride

out to your boat tomorrow if the weather breaks.”

“I appreciate it,” Leslie said, trying to inject some warmth into

her voice.

“Okay then. Take care. Get dry,” Natalie said.

When Natalie turned to go back down the stairs to the path, Leslie

stopped her with a hand on her arm. The woman had just motored over

two hours in ugly weather to bring them home. “Come inside for coffee.

I imagine you’re going to have a long day.”

Natalie’s eyes ß ickered with surprise, then she nodded. “Thanks.

Maybe your mother made some of those biscuits again.”

Leslie smiled, Þ nding it hard not to like her. And after all, there was

no reason not to. So Natalie was involved with Dev and didn’t bother

to hide it. Why should she? Dev was…well, Dev was Dev, and what

woman wouldn’t be attracted to her? Leslie clenched her jaws, angry

at herself for even thinking about whatever was going on between Dev

and Natalie. She turned and walked resolutely inside.

They took their rain gear off and hung it on hooks by the door.

• 169 •

RADCLY fFE

A few guests clustered around the Þ replace in the great room, reading

newspapers or books, or watching the Weather Channel on TV. Leslie

led Natalie and Dev back toward the kitchen.

“Mom? Dad?” she called as she pushed through the swinging

doors.

“Leslie?” her mother answered eagerly, appearing in the doorway

of the adjoining family room. Beyond her, Leslie’s father was stretched

out on the couch with a newspaper on his lap, his casted leg propped on

pillows. “Thank God you’re back.”

Leslie gave her mother a quick hug, then leaned down to kiss her

father. “Hi, Daddy. How are you feeling?”

“A damn sight better now that you’re home. Rough trip?”

“Sort of. The boat’s okay, but we left it at the island. Sorry.”

He shook his head. “Better that than you trying to get back in this

stuff.”

Eileen smiled at Natalie and Dev. “The three of you look like you

could use hot showers, dry clothes, and something to eat.”

“I need to get back out there, so I’ll have to pass on the Þ rst two,”

Natalie said, “but I’ll take you up on the food.”

Eileen hooked her arm through Natalie’s. “Come on in the kitchen.

And thank you for bringing my daughter home.”

“Don’t mention it,” Natalie said, disappearing through the doorway

with Eileen.

“You doing okay?” Leslie said quietly as she and Dev followed

at a slower pace. Dev’s face was white and her eyes smudged with

fatigue.

“Yeah. Just beat.” Dev made a conscious effort not to limp, but

with each passing hour her lower back and hip had gotten tighter to the

point that every step sent a jolt of Þ re down her leg. The last time it had

been this bad, she’d been sampling intestinal parasites from Þ sh in the

Finger Lakes in November. There’d been an early snow, and it had been

twenty degrees on the dock where she’d knelt for three hours gutting

the Þ sh and opening their GI tracts. She’d managed to Þ nish collecting

the specimens, but she’d paid for it with two days in bed.

“You look like you can barely move.” Dev’s hurting was so

apparent that Leslie ached just watching her walk. Knowing she was

helpless to ease Dev’s pain was so frustrating that she almost felt

physically ill herself.

• 170 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I’ll be okay once I get warmed up and take a couple ibuprofen,”

Dev said, trying to sound upbeat.

Leslie doubted that a few hundred milligrams of Motrin was going

to touch Dev’s pain, but she said nothing. She pulled a tall stool from

against the wall toward the center island so Dev could sit on it. Her

mother and Natalie were discussing the storm while her mother poured

coffee into big white ceramic mugs. “Get some weight off your leg

at least.” She grabbed two mugs and carried them back to the island.

“Here.”

“Thanks. What about you,” Dev asked quietly, sipping the hot

coffee gratefully. “You’ve barely slept in two days. Are you feeling

okay?”

Leslie’s Þ rst reaction was to protest that she was Þ ne, but she

stopped herself from making the stock reply. Dev had asked, and she

deserved an answer. “I feel like crap, but mostly because I’m wet and

cold and hungry.” She grinned weakly and decided she should leave

out the part about being indescribably horny, which was even more

distressing than all the other things put together. It was bad enough

she’d woken up aroused. Even the biting wind and drenching rain and

Natalie’s possessive attitude toward Dev hadn’t been able to put a

damper on it. And every time she looked at Dev, she remembered how

good it had been with Dev’s body against hers all night. She tried not to

look at Dev’s mouth because whenever she did, the ß uttering sensation

inside started up, and it had nothing to do with her heart problems.

“Things have been pretty stressful.” Dev watched Leslie’s eyes

darken from blue to indigo. She was beautiful, even sleepless and

bedraggled.

“Stressful. Jesus, what an understatement.” Leslie wanted to laugh,

but she didn’t want to draw attention to them. She knew they only had

a few more minutes of privacy. “I had one tiny episode yesterday, but it

was so short it doesn’t even count.” She glanced at her mother to make

sure she wasn’t listening. “The doctors who did the tests said that the

medication should be enough. I intend to take it, because I don’t have

time for any more of this nonsense.”

“Good.” Dev squeezed Leslie’s hand, and gently released it.

“Aren’t you supposed to quit coffee too?”

Leslie’s face went cold. “Don’t push it, Devon.”

Dev laughed quietly, and Leslie Þ nally smiled.

• 171 •

RADCLY fFE

“Is this storm going to ruin the work you were doing on the

island?” Leslie asked, because she wanted to change the subject and

also because she cared. She knew how important Dev’s work was to

her.

“I got just about everything I need.”

“I’m glad.”

“Here you go,” Eileen said, setting a plate of buttermilk biscuits

in the center of the island.

Natalie grabbed one and leaned against the counter next to Dev.

“How are you doing?”

“Better,” Dev said.

“You three help yourselves to anything else you need,” Eileen

said. “I’m going to check on Paul and make sure the guests are taken

care of.” She rested her hand on Leslie’s shoulder. “I almost forgot.

Your friend Rachel from New York called here when she didn’t get an

answer on your cell.”

Leslie grew still. Dev stiffened beside her, and Natalie’s face took

on an interested expression. “Okay. Thanks.”

“She sounded worried when I told her about the storm, so you

should probably call her pretty soon.”

“I will, Mom,” Leslie said tightly.

“Do you need her number? She left her cell and her—”

“I have them.”

Eileen hesitated, then dropped her hand from Leslie’s shoulder.

“Natalie, you be careful out there today.”

“I will. Thanks.” Natalie waited until Eileen left the room, then

asked nonchalantly, “Girlfriend?”

Leslie gave Natalie a long, appraising look. The question could be

passed off as casual conversation, but she knew it wasn’t. “Something

like that.” She rose, walked to the sink, and poured the last of her coffee

down the drain. Then she looked at Dev. “Are you going to be okay

getting down to your cabin?”

“I’ll walk her down,” Natalie said, “when she’s done with her

coffee.”

“Fine. Thanks for the ride home,” Leslie said tersely. She left

them there, grabbed her rain jacket, and strode out into the downpour,

oblivious to the discomfort as she stalked through the woods. Four

more days and this entire surreal interlude would all be behind her.

• 172 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

When she reached her cabin she headed directly to her bathroom,

pulling off her rain jacket and dropping it over the back of a wooden

chair as she went. She closed the door, turned on the hot water in the

shower, and began to remove her clothes. Dev’s clothes, she thought

as she bent to unlace Dev’s boots. Dev’s shirt, Dev’s pants, Dev’s

hands—her kisses, her mouth, God, oh God, her mouth. How good

Dev’s mouth had felt skimming down her stomach. Closing her eyes,

Leslie leaned back against the counter, slipping her hand inside Dev’s

jeans. Her skin was cold, but she was hot between her legs. And wet.

And oh so hard and aching. With a soft moan she stroked the ache, but

it only grew more Þ erce. She pressed harder, willing the wanting away,

and groaned at the pleasure. Her legs shook and she gripped the counter

with her free arm, her hand circling faster beneath the soaked denim.

Oh God, it felt so good and she wanted it to stop. She didn’t want this,

this terrible longing.

“Oh please,” she gasped, her head falling back, orgasm shimmering

through her. She couldn’t want this. She couldn’t. Her will snapped as

her climax surged and she cried out softly, bending nearly double with

the pleasure. “Yes. Oh yes.”

When the wracking tremors subsided enough for her to straighten,

Leslie turned unsteadily and braced her arms on the counter, panting.

While the last tendrils of orgasm washed through her, she stared at her

reß ection in the mirror, shocked by the sated expression in her bruised

eyes and ß ushed face. Oh God, who are you?

v

After her shower, Leslie fell naked into bed and slept for nine hours.

When she woke a little before seven in the evening, she felt hollowed

out, far emptier than mere hunger could account for. She ignored the

feeling as she reached for her phone and pressed the familiar number

on speed dial without even looking.

“This is Rachel Hawthorne. I’m not available right now, so please

leave—”

Leslie cut the connection and stared at the ceiling. She wondered

how Dev was doing, if her leg was better, if she was going to be able

to make it up to the lodge for dinner. Maybe she should go up, Þ x her a

plate, and take it down to her cabin.

• 173 •

RADCLY fFE

“What am I doing?” Leslie muttered, throwing back the sheets in

disgust. She ran her hands through her hair. “Losing my mind. That’s

what I’m doing.”

The phone vibrated and she snatched it up. “Hello?”

“Hello, darling. I’m in the car.”

Leslie felt a quick rush of relief. This was normal. With Rachel,

she knew exactly who she was. “Hi. I heard you called. Sorry I missed

you. How are you?”

“Fine. Busy. Your mother said there was a storm.”

Leslie laughed. “You could say that.”

“Listen, darling, I’m on my way to a client dinner, but I’ve got

good news.”

“So do I. I’ll be ho—”

“I freed up my schedule and I’m ß ying up for the Fourth. I’m

afraid overnight is all I can manage.”

Leslie’s stomach clenched. “That’s not necessary, Rach, really. I

know how busy you are, and I’ll—”

“Nonsense, darling. We’ll have plenty of time to get reacquainted.”

She laughed throatily. “I’m pulling into the parking garage, so I’m

going to sign off. I’ll see you, darling.”

“Rachel, wait! Rach?” Leslie was left staring at the silent phone in

her hand, wondering why she didn’t want Rachel there. Maybe it was

just that this wasn’t part of their life, and she had no way to explain to

Rachel who she had been all those years ago. Or, she feared, it might

be because she wasn’t the woman Rachel was expecting to Þ nd when

she arrived.

• 174 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY

Leslie contemplated her choices in footwear as she pulled on

jeans, a warm navy crew-neck sweater, and the thickest socks

she’d packed. But all she had in the way of shoes were sneakers or dress

shoes. Neither would hold up on the muddy path to the lodge. With

a sigh, she pulled on Dev’s boots. She could borrow a pair from her

mother and return these to Dev later. She hoped that Dev had another

pair of boots at her cabin and wouldn’t need these tonight.

Flashlight in hand and a bundle of clothes under her other arm,

Leslie set out toward the lodge. The rain had tapered off to a heavy

downfall. Annoying, but not threatening. Nevertheless, Leslie felt as if

she’d been slogging through water for days. Lights shone in one or two

of the cabins she passed, but the cloud cover was too dense to allow

any moonlight to Þ lter through the trees. When a beam of light ß ashed

from out of the woods and into Leslie’s face, it was as bright as a car

headlight, stinging her eyes.

Startled and annoyed, she complained, “Hey!”

“Oh, sorry,” a woman called, and the light immediately cut down

to the ground.

Leslie blinked away the water in her irritated eyes and cautiously

approached. Then her uncertainty was replaced by something altogether

different, a sinking sensation she didn’t want to analyze. She raised her

own ß ashlight until the edge of the beam illuminated Natalie’s face.

“Hi.”

“Nice night,” Natalie said lightly.

“Isn’t it.” Leslie took in Natalie’s backpack and the plastic bag of

what looked like groceries under her arm. She was clearly on her way

• 175 •

RADCLY fFE

to Dev’s, probably bringing her dinner. Like Leslie had wanted to do.

Like she had no right to do. And a backpack—overnight clothes? Her

mood darkened. She sidestepped to make room for Natalie on the path.

“Be careful. The trail’s a mess.”

“You too. By the way, I moored the department boat down at your

dock. I can take you out to yours in the morning, if that works for

you.”

Leslie’s jaw tightened. Natalie was staying the night. “That would

be Þ ne. Thank you.”

“Right after breakfast?”

“Perfect,” Leslie said ß atly. “Good night.”

“Night,” Natalie called.

Leslie stood in the drizzle, watching Natalie disappear into the

dark. To bring Dev supper. To keep her company on a cold, rainy night.

To take care of her pain. Leslie suddenly had an image of Natalie curled

into the bend of Dev’s body, the way she had been the night before,

and the ache was so huge it hurt to draw breath. She turned away and

walked on in the rain, wishing she had never come home. Wishing she

had never seen Dev again. Wishing she didn’t want her and wondering

when it would stop.

She trudged up to the lodge, grateful for a diversion, anything to

keep her mind occupied until she could get back to Manhattan. A few

people lingered in the great room, but the large dining room adjoining

it was dark. Subdued light streaked beneath the kitchen door and Leslie

made her way toward it. Her mother sat at the central counter on the

same stool that Dev had occupied earlier, working a crossword puzzle.

“Hi, honey,” Eileen said, swinging around as if to stand.

Leslie held up a hand. “Don’t get up.” She craned her neck toward

the family room. “Is Daddy here?”

“No. He didn’t sleep well last night and he went to bed early.” She

pointed to the bundle under Leslie’s arm. “What have you got there?”

“Laundry. Do you mind if I do some?”

“Of course not. You haven’t had dinner, have you?”

“No. I just woke up a little while ago.”

Eileen rose. “I’ll put the laundry in while you Þ x yourself

something to eat.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know I don’t. Give me the laundry.”

• 176 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie wasn’t really hungry, but she knew she should eat something.

Maybe then the gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach would go away.

Leslie sighed. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Are these yours?” Eileen called from the small laundry room

next to the kitchen.

“No,” Leslie said as she opened the refrigerator and pulled out a

pizza box and a bottle of Beck’s. She peeked under the lid and saw with

satisfaction that there were two slices remaining. “They’re Dev’s. Mine

will have to go to the dry cleaners, and even then, I’m not sure they’re

salvageable.”

“Put that in the microwave,” Eileen said automatically as she

rejoined Leslie and sat down at the counter again.

“It’s Þ ne.” Leslie leaned an elbow on the counter, poured a glass

of beer, and munched on the cold pizza.

Eileen shook her head, smiling faintly. “How’s Dev doing? She

looked pretty worn out this morning.”

Leslie stiffened and took another swallow of beer. “I don’t know.

I haven’t talked to her since we came back.”

“I’ll call her cell and see if she wants me to Þ x something. Maybe

you can take it down to her.”

“No,” Leslie said abruptly. When her mother started in surprise,

Leslie lowered her voice. “I’m sure she would have called if she needed

anything. I saw Natalie on the way down toward her cabin. She looked

like she had food with her.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

Peachy. Leslie pushed the last half-eaten slice away and drained

her glass. Then she went to the refrigerator and got another beer.

“Did you call your friend?” Eileen asked, absently Þ lling in a

word in the crossword puzzle.

“Yes.” Leslie paused a beat. “She’s coming up for the Fourth.

She’ll be staying overnight.”

Eileen looked up. “We don’t have any vacancies, but we can bring

a day bed down to your cabin.”

Leslie blushed, thinking of the not-quite-double bed in the small

bedroom. “We won’t need one.”

“Oh,” Eileen said with studied casualness. She crossed to the

counter and poured coffee, then returned. “Rachel. That’s her name,

isn’t it?”

• 177 •

RADCLY fFE

“Yes, Rachel Hawthorne.”

“And she’s your….I’m sorry. Is girlfriend correct?”

“We’re involved,” Leslie said. “She’s an attorney.”

“At your Þ rm?”

Leslie appreciated her mother’s effort, but she didn’t want to talk

about Rachel or their life. Still, she answered impassively, “No. Another

Þ rm. She does malpractice litigation.”

“I’m sure it’s not easy going up against the medical establishment.”

“Most of Rachel’s work is defending hospitals and pharmaceutical

companies.” Seeing her mother’s ß eeting expression of displeasure,

quickly hidden, Leslie said bitterly, “I guess neither one of us is on the

side of the angels.”

Eileen sighed. “I know some of the things I said when you decided

to practice corporate law made it sound as if I don’t approve of what

you do—”

“Isn’t that the truth?” Leslie snapped, her nerves uncharacteristically

raw. God, why did they have to get into this again tonight, when

everything else in her life was so out of control?

“I suppose I’d be happier if you were working for the ACLU or

something—”

Leslie snorted and Eileen laughed quietly. “All right, never mind

that. I think it’s probably better that someone like you is doing what

you do, rather than someone with no social conscience at all. And I’ve

always trusted your judgment.”

“My judgment is the last thing you should trust.” Leslie was too

tired and too heartsick to regret what she said, although she knew she

would later.

Startled, Eileen leaned forward on the counter and gently touched

Leslie’s hand. “Why do you say that? What’s wrong?”

Leslie shook her head and rubbed her hand over her forehead,

closing her eyes against the headache that had sprung up out of nowhere.

“Nothing. It’s not important.”

“Of course it’s important. I’ve had a long time to think about

what happened between us, Leslie,” Eileen said intently. “Something

happened when you went away to college. You shut down. Or shut me

out. And I let you.”

“Mom,” Leslie said, “it’s not—”

“Is it Dev?”

• 178 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Shocked, Leslie could only stare. Finally she found her voice.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because if I didn’t know about Rachel, I’d think you and Dev

were lovers.”

Leslie’s jaw dropped. “Why?”

Eileen laughed and lifted her hands as if it were obvious. “Because

of the way you are together.”

“We aren’t any way at all together,” Leslie said vehemently. “Of

course we’re not lovers! I haven’t even seen Devon since two days

before I left for college.”

Eileen’s eyes narrowed. “Why not? Why did you lose touch?”

“Because!” Leslie spun away and closed her eyes, appalled to feel

tears slip from between her lashes. Her legs shook, and she reached

blindly for a nearby stool. She slumped onto it and took several long

deep breaths, centering herself, reclaiming her control. Then she

brushed quickly at her face and turned back to face her mother. She

spoke with no emotion, reciting facts. “I knew Dev in high school. I

was a year ahead of her, and I went away to school and that was the last

time I saw her.”

“I knew that part, Leslie. What I don’t know is the part you still

don’t want to tell me.”

Leslie tugged at her lower lip with her teeth, biting down until the

pain helped her focus. She could hold back her tears, but she couldn’t

hold back the truth anymore. “Mike found us kissing and he beat her

up. He hurt her, and I let him.”

“Oh my God. Leslie.”

Leslie put her face in her hands and bowed her head. “I let him.

God. I let him.” She raised her head, her eyes Þ lled with misery. “Then

Dev had the accident on her bike and I went off to college and pretended

it never happened.”

“I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry you had to go through all that by

yourself.” Eileen rose and gave Leslie a quick hug. Then she rested her

cheek against Leslie’s hair, keeping her arm very lightly on Leslie’s

shoulders. “I’d like to murder Mike. I’m so sorry you and Dev were

hurt.”

“Dev was hurt. I just ran.”

Eileen kissed the top of her head, then asked gently, “So you two

were girlfriends, back then?”

• 179 •

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“No,” Leslie said with a sigh. “Well, we were but we didn’t realize

what was happening between us until that night. And then I kind of

freaked out, and it took me years to Þ gure it all out.”

Eileen tilted Leslie’s chin up and studied her face. “What about

now that you and Dev are friends again?”

“I’m with Rachel. We’ve been seeing each other almost two

years.”

“Do you two live together in Manhattan?” Eileen settled back on

her stool.

“No.” Leslie shook her head, relieved not to be talking about Dev

or the past anymore. “We both have our own condos. Our schedules are

so crazy, we don’t see each other that much anyhow, so there’s really no

point in living together.”

“Well, making a life together isn’t always about how much time

you spend in the same place.”

“We’re not that kind of couple.” Leslie frowned, realizing how

that sounded, even though it was true. “We both have our own lives,

Mom. We respect each other’s work. We enjoy each other. Things are

Þ ne just the way they are.”

“I see,” Eileen said gently. “Well, it will be nice to meet her.”

“Thanks,” Leslie said, aware just how inadequate her summary

of her relationship with Rachel must have sounded. But she’d been

truthful. What does that say about my life?

v

“Soup’s on!” Natalie called.

Tucking a faded blue-checked ß annel shirt into her oldest pair of

jeans, Dev made her way slowly out of the bedroom to Þ nd Natalie,

barefoot in a white silk T-shirt and black slacks, spooning tomato soup

into bowls. A Þ re crackled in the Þ replace and a tray of cheese and

French bread sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa. A bottle of

white wine completed the picture.

“That looks great, thanks,” Dev said, an uneasy feeling in the pit

of her stomach. She hadn’t been able to make it any farther than the

sofa when she got home that morning, and she’d still been asleep when

Natalie arrived, announcing her intentions to make dinner. Dev hadn’t

wanted company, but Natalie had come out in the pouring rain so she’d

smiled and let her in. Now, showered and Þ nally warm, she took in the

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room and realized that Natalie might be interested in more than dinner.

Natalie’s silk T was just sheer enough to reveal a hint of dusky nipples

on her decidedly braless breasts. She wore her dark hair down, and Dev

caught the hint of an earthy perfume. Natalie looked and smelled like

walking sex.

“How’s your leg?” Natalie carried the bowls to the coffee table,

set one down in front of Dev, and curled up next to her with the other

bowl balanced in her lap.

“Not bad,” Dev said, sipping the soup. “This was nice of you.”

“You looked like hell this morning. If I hadn’t had to get the rest

of our marooned campers off the islands, I wouldn’t have left you here

alone today.”

“I would have been pretty lousy company. I crashed the minute I

walked in and didn’t move until you knocked on the front door.”

Natalie shrugged, smiling softly. “I can think of worse things to do

than watching you sleep.”

Carefully, Dev set her bowl down. She liked Natalie a lot. Natalie

was not only smart and capable, she was sexy as all get out. A month

ago, Dev had seriously considered a night with her, maybe even a

pleasant summer interlude. Now all she could think about was Leslie.

All she’d been able to think about since the moment she’d seen her at

the train station had been Leslie. She could still smell her hair, still feel

her body stretched along hers, still feel her everywhere. She hurt so

much inside she wanted to fall on her knees and beg for everything to

be different. Christ, what a fool.

“Why does it bother you that I want to go to bed with you?”

Natalie asked, putting her own bowl aside.

“That’s direct.” Dev grinned shakily. “I like that about you.”

Natalie stretched one leg out and curled her toes into Dev’s right

calf. Then she slowly ran her foot up and down Dev’s jean-clad leg.

“I’ve wanted to get you into bed since the Þ rst time I saw you standing

in the lake with water up to your waist. And unless I’m way off base, no

one else is warming your bed.”

Hitching her leg partway onto the couch, Dev turned sideways so

she could meet Natalie’s gaze. She caught her breath when Natalie slid

her foot along the top of her thigh and between her legs. When Natalie’s

heel nudged the seam in her jeans, Dev stiffened.

“Tell me that doesn’t feel good.” Natalie’s voice was throaty and

low, her eyes soft and sultry.

• 181 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev wrapped her Þ ngers around Natalie’s ankle and moved her

foot away an inch. She was tired and weary at heart, but her body still

screamed for release after the hours of arousal the night before, and

Natalie was very good at seduction. “I’m not dead, Natalie. You’re a

beautiful woman and you’re making me more than a little bit crazy.”

Natalie drew her leg away, slid closer on the couch, and put her

hand where her foot had been—high on the inside of Dev’s thigh. She

squeezed the tight muscle, released, then squeezed again. Dev gasped.

“Let me make you feel good. I know what you need. Let me slide my

Þ ngers—”

“Natalie,” Dev said, her voice rough, her stomach tight. “It

wouldn’t be right.”

“Dev, for God’s sake, I can tell you want me. What is it you think

I want that you’re so worried about?” Natalie moved her hand from

Dev’s thigh to her cheek, stroking her face. “All I want is to share what

we both want to share. I’m not asking for anything else.”

“I know, I believe you.” Dev leaned her head back and stared at

the ceiling, her breath coming in painful spurts. It had taken so long

to feel anything for any other woman, and she didn’t often give in to

physical attraction. Too many times she’d been left feeling empty. She

turned her head and met Natalie’s troubled, questioning gaze. “I can’t

make love to you because I…I…”

“Because you’re in love with Leslie Harris.”

Dev closed her eyes as the pain washed through her. Natalie

leaned forward and gently kissed her on the mouth. Natalie’s lips were

soft, moist, warm. Her full, Þ rm breasts pressed against Dev’s arm.

She smelled like rain, she smelled like life. And Dev hurt so much. She

wanted to keep her eyes closed and let Leslie open her shirt, unbutton

her jeans, and stroke her sorrows into pleasure. She wanted Leslie to…

Leslie. She wanted Leslie. She opened her eyes. “Yes. Because I love

Leslie.”

“She’s not here, Dev,” Natalie said, her gentleness softening the

sting in her words. “I don’t know why she isn’t, but the reasons don’t

really matter. What matters is that you’re here alone, hurting, and I

want to be with you. We’ll both feel better, I promise.”

“I can’t,” Dev groaned. “I can’t make love with you if I’m thinking

about her. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Natalie leaned back, her Þ ngers slowly stroking Dev’s arm. “Don’t

worry. You won’t be thinking about her when you’re with me.” She

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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

smiled, a slow, lazy, conÞ dent smile. “I know it, and one of these days,

you’re going to know it too.” She leaned close again and nipped at

Dev’s chin, then kissed the spot she’d bitten. “And when you do, Dev,

I’ll be waiting. And I promise you a night you’ll never forget.”

Dev laughed, but her eyes were serious. “It doesn’t bother you?

Knowing the way I feel about Les?”

“Of course it bothers me,” Natalie said, her eyes blazing. “It

bothers me a hell of a lot that you’re so torn up. And it bothers me that I

want you to distraction and can’t have you. Yet.” She blew out a breath.

“But I can be patient. And I’ve got you for the whole summer.”

• 183 •

• 184 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

When Leslie walked into the lodge the next morning, Dev and

Natalie were having breakfast in the dining room. Natalie

wore her park uniform, and Leslie wondered if she had brought it with

her the night before or had gone home sometime in the evening. The

rain had Þ nally stopped just before dawn, but it wouldn’t have been

an enjoyable walk back to the parking lot last night. Natalie probably

stayed with Dev. In the tiny cabin. With only one bed. Leslie gritted her

teeth, shook her head no when Dev gestured to the empty chair at their

table, and pushed through into the kitchen.

The cook they’d hired was cleaning up after breakfast, and Leslie

could hear her mother and father talking out on the screened-in porch.

She poured a cup of coffee and joined them.

“Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy. How are you feeling?”

“Like a turtle ß ipped over on its back in the middle of the

Northway,” her father grumped. His crutches were propped against the

chair, where he sat with his casted leg supported on an embroidered

footstool that looked barely capable of supporting the weight. “I can’t

get down to the dock on these crutches, especially not after all this

rain.”

“Is there anything you need me to do?” Leslie asked, leaning her

hip against the end of the couch and sipping her coffee. “I’m going to

bring the boat in this morning.”

“That should be Þ ne,” her father said. “We’ll make arrangements

for someone to take guests out and back the rest of the summer.” He

glanced at Eileen, then at Leslie. “The doctors said eight weeks in this

damn cast.”

• 185 •

RADCLY fFE

“Eight weeks, minimum,” her mother interjected. “You can’t rush

these things, Paul.”

“I was wondering, Les,” he said hesitantly, “if you might be able

to come up Labor Day weekend and give your mother a hand closing

up.”

“I can handle it, Paul,” Eileen said, a hint of reproach in her voice.

“Leslie’s busy enough with her own work. I don’t want her to think

she’s going to need to work here every time she comes home.”

When Leslie thought of how much went into the end of the season

closing, her Þ rst reaction was to beg off, pleading too full a schedule.

The cabins and all the rooms would need to be inventoried and items

marked for replacement or repair, the boathouse would have to be

winterized, and the boat and equipment overhauled in preparation for

dry-docking, just for starters. Supervising the process, let alone doing

it, was an enormous load. Still, it was going to be a rough summer for

her mother, and no matter how much extra help she hired, there were

some things that couldn’t be left to employees. She really should come

home to help. And Dev had said she’d be here all summer. That fact

made the decision easy.

“I’ll come. It’s no problem.” Leslie knew it was crazy to come

back while Dev was here, especially since she’d already decided to

leave right after the Fourth of July celebration just so she wouldn’t

have to see Dev anymore. But she couldn’t help herself. Whenever

she thought of going back to Manhattan, back to her life, she felt both

relief and sorrow. She was comfortable—more than comfortable, she

was satisÞ ed with the life she’d made for herself. It would be good

to immerse herself in work again. Not to be constantly assaulted by

conß icting desires. Not to be faced with the guilt of wanting Dev so

desperately. But when she imagined actually leaving, of never seeing

Dev again, she wanted to cry. By Labor Day, she’d have control of her

life again. She’d be able to see Dev and put their relationship—their

friendship—into perspective. Yes, it would be much better that way.

“It’ll be fun.”

Eileen laughed. “Then you don’t remember what it’s like very

well.”

“It’s funny, being home makes some things feel like yesterday.”

Leslie smiled and shook her head. “I’d better go see if Ranger Natalie

is ready to ferry me out to the island.”

“See you later, honey,” her father said.

• 186 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I’m going to go into the ofÞ ce later this morning, Mom. I probably

won’t be home for dinner.” In fact, Leslie thought, she intended to spend

as little time as possible around the lodge until she was ready to leave.

The less she saw of Dev the better.

v

“You really ought to try the pizza at Iannucci’s,” Natalie said,

pushing her breakfast plate aside. “The crust is amazing. I’ll pick one

up for you tonight.”

“I’m probably going to be at the lab pretty late,” Dev said.

“So I’ll bring it by.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I want to.” Natalie’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly and Dev

followed her gaze. Leslie, carrying an armload of laundry, was on her

way over to their table.

“Thanks for the loan of the clothes, Dev,” Leslie said, depositing

the washed and folded sweatshirt and jeans on the empty chair next to

Dev.

“You’re welcome.” Dev watched Leslie study Natalie with an

inscrutable expression, and wondered if Leslie suspected that Natalie

had spent the night. She felt foolish for wanting Leslie to know that

Natalie had slept on the couch again. What could it possibly matter?

“Ready to hit the water?” Natalie said, smiling at Leslie.

“Sure. Can’t wait.”

Natalie laughed and rose. She brushed a hand over Dev’s shoulders.

“I’ll be by with that pizza delivery.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Dev said. She picked up her briefcase and

clean clothes. “I’m heading into the lab now.”

Once outside, Dev took the turn to the parking lot while Leslie

and Natalie continued on down to the dock. Dev waited a minute before

getting into the truck, watching the two women cast off. Natalie, dark

and petite, Leslie lithe and blond. Both bright, both accomplished, both

beautiful. She enjoyed Natalie’s conÞ dence, her laugh, her sudden

ß ashes of authority. But looking at Natalie didn’t make her burn the

way seeing Leslie did. Leslie’s smile had lit the path through some of

her darkest nights, and she’d lain down to sleep countless times with

the sound of Leslie’s laughter ringing in her heart. Now she had the

memory of Leslie in her arms, and for a while at least, whether she

• 187 •

RADCLY fFE

wanted it or not, there wasn’t room for anyone else. Maybe when Leslie

was gone, and the dreams Þ nally died, there would be.

When Leslie turned in Dev’s direction, one hand shading her eyes

in the hazy glare of a Þ tful dawn, Dev gave a start. Although Leslie

was too far away for their eyes to meet, Dev felt the tug of connection

nevertheless. When the boat pulled away from the dock with Natalie at

the wheel, Leslie settled onto one of the benches. She wrapped her arm

around a cleat and faced forward, hair blowing in the wind. Even as the

sound of the engine died and the boat disappeared like a candle winking

out, Dev could still feel Leslie’s presence.

Someday soon that link would be gone, and she wondered if she

would rejoice or bleed.

v

Three days later Dev stood in almost exactly the same spot,

watching Leslie’s mother climb the hill from the boathouse toward her.

It was Saturday afternoon on the Fourth of July and the weather had not

disappointed. It was hot, and it was going to be hotter by nightfall in

the boathouse. She could see from where she stood that all the windows

had been opened. The large wooden frames swung out over the water

on either side of the green rectangular building like rows of dominoes.

The huge double doors that opened onto a concrete ramp leading

from the water had been rolled back, probably in the hope of creating

some cross-ventilation. Eileen was waving to her, so Dev, carrying her

briefcase, walked to meet her at the top of the path.

“Hello, stranger,” Eileen said, brushing a damp tendril of hair from

her cheek. “I haven’t seen you since the morning after the storm.”

“I had a lot of catching up to do at the lab,” Dev said, which

was true. It was also a convenient way to avoid running into Leslie.

She’d been leaving for the lab before six in the morning and returning

well after ten every night. On her way, she grabbed coffee and a bagel

at the roadside mini-mart that had once been her parents’ store, and

ordered take-out delivered to the lab for dinner. Natalie had shown up

as promised with pizza one night, but she’d been busy too, with the

holiday weekend looming, and Dev hadn’t seen her since. All in all,

Dev had managed to be at Lakeview only long enough to sleep. And for

at least half of every day she managed not to think about Leslie.

“Leslie’s been saying the same thing about work.” Eileen fell into

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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

step with Dev up the gravel path toward the lodge. “She’s been at her

ofÞ ce every day from sunup until I don’t know when. I’ve missed you

two at mealtime.”

“Sorry,” Dev said.

“No need to apologize. I understand you’ve both got a lot to do.”

Eileen halted where the path branched off to the cabins. “I hope you’re

coming down to the party tonight. All of the guests will be there and

quite a few of the locals too.”

“Well, uh…” Dev gazed off over the trees toward the lake. She

hadn’t intended to come. “I might drop by for a few minutes. I’m not

much of a party person.”

Eileen laughed. “Well, I hope you do. Are you still planning on

staying with us through Labor Day?”

“Yes,” Dev said, frowning. “Is that a problem?”

“Oh no, not at all.” Eileen smiled. “I’ll see you tonight, Dev.”

Dev waved goodbye and continued on toward her cabin.

Somehow, she wasn’t even surprised when she saw Leslie coming

toward her. It didn’t seem to be possible to avoid her, even when she

tried. Not when they were anywhere near each other. In a ß ash, she took

in Leslie’s tailored tan slacks, her pale silk blouse, the sandals with just

a bit of a heel. Her blond waves fell just to her collarbones, where gold

glinted at her throat. Even from thirty feet away, Dev could tell she had

dressed for someone special, and the realization struck her like a Þ st.

“Hello, Les,” Dev said as they both slowed to face one another.

“Devon,” Leslie said quietly. She had known today would be

difÞ cult; in fact, the next twenty-four hours were likely to be the

hardest of any she’d experienced in years. Rachel was coming, and she

wasn’t certain she was prepared to see her. Dev was still here, and that

would make it all the more difÞ cult. But she’d had plenty of practice

in difÞ cult situations, where the slightest misstep or wrong word could

be disastrous. So she’d showered and dressed and prepared herself as

she always did before any kind of confrontation. Her shields were up,

her emotions tucked away. When she’d left her cabin, she’d known

she was ready. And still, the sight of Dev coming toward her in jeans

and a blue button-down-collar cotton shirt had set her heart racing. She

knew the rush of pleasure at seeing Dev didn’t show, and she was glad.

“Recovered from the storm?”

“Oh. Sure. I…” Dev ran a hand through her hair and gave a rueful

smile. “I never was good at small talk.”

• 189 •

RADCLY fFE

Leslie smiled softly. “I know.”

“How much longer will you be here?” Dev heard herself asking

and knew it was dumb. As if any answer wouldn’t hurt.

“I’m probably leaving tomorrow afternoon.”

Dev couldn’t hide her surprise. “So soon?”

“It’s been almost three weeks, Dev.”

“It doesn’t seem that long.” Dev moved closer to Leslie as a young

man and woman, chatting animatedly, hurried along the path past them

in the direction of the cabins. “But then again, sometimes a day here

seems like forever.”

Leslie took in the woods, the glint of blue water through the trees,

the warmth of sunshine on her skin. “It hasn’t changed at all, has it?”

“Not much. Being here with you this summer reminds me of what

it was like when we were kids, and the future was so far away,” Dev

said, her words echoing with melancholy.

Leslie searched Dev’s soulful hazel eyes, recognizing the

loneliness Dev had never quite been able to hide, even behind her tough

façade. They had always seen one another’s truths. When they were

together, the pieces of herself she revealed to no one else slid silently,

seamlessly, into place. Even now, she felt it. But the feeling wouldn’t

last, how could it? The past was a place that existed only in wistful

memories, softly colored by regrets and abandoned dreams. “But it

really was another lifetime.”

“I know,” Dev said hoarsely. It was hard not to accept that, when

the present was about to come crashing in. “Is Rachel coming today?”

Leslie was barely able to hide her surprise. “Yes.” She glanced at

her watch. “Her plane arrives around six.”

“My truck’s clean, if you need it.”

“She’s renting a car. Thanks.”

“You never said what she did.”

“She’s an attorney.”

Dev smiled. “I guess you have a lot in common. That’s nice.”

Leslie did not want to talk about Rachel with Dev. It was too much

like all the times that she had avoided talking to her about Mike. Her

relationship with Dev had always been private, intimate, something

that was just theirs. Looking back, she saw that they had never let the

outside world touch it. They had kept it safe. Right up until the end.

Leslie rested her Þ ngers lightly on Dev’s arm. “You were so special to

me, Dev.”

• 190 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Dev kissed Leslie softly on the cheek. “Thank you, Leslie.” She

stepped back and Leslie’s hand fell away. Dev’s eyes grew darker. “If I

don’t see you, have a safe trip back.”

“Enjoy the rest of the summer. I hope the work goes well.”

“Thanks. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Devon.” Leslie waited a second until Dev turned away,

and then she resumed walking toward the lodge to wait for Rachel.

Maybe she’d been wrong about the next twenty-four hours. Maybe

the worst was already over. Leslie took a shuddering breath, unable to

imagine anything worse than the pain of that goodbye.

• 191 •

• 192 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Leslie selected a bottle of red wine from her parents’ small but

well-stocked cellar, found two glasses and a corkscrew, and

carried everything out to the porch. She opened the bottle, poured a

glass, and sipped it as she watched the afternoon slide toward twilight.

Guests came and went, laughing together, strolling hand in hand,

sharing the special freedom of vacation in the beautiful setting. She

tried to imagine herself and Rachel spending a week in a place like

this. She had difÞ culty creating the picture, and when her thoughts

inadvertently strayed to all the hours she and Dev had spent sitting

quietly talking by the lakeshore, she pulled herself back to the present.

She reÞ lled her glass and reviewed the details of the cases she’d been

working on all week.

Just before eight, a gray Lincoln Town Car pulled into the lot. A

second later, Rachel stepped out. Leslie hadn’t seen her in three weeks,

and her Þ rst glimpse stirred a slight shock of surprise at how striking

she was. Rachel was Leslie’s height but subtly fuller in the breasts and

hips, and altogether arresting in tailored black slacks, low heels, and

an open-collared, man-tailored white silk shirt. Many an adversary had

been lulled into complacency by Rachel’s ripe sensuality, but Leslie

knew that those sensuous features masked a decisive, lethally predatory

mind.

Leslie looked away to pour wine into the second glass and give

herself a few seconds to settle her nerves. She looked up at the sound

of footsteps on the stairs.

“Hello, darling,” Rachel murmured, leaning down to kiss Leslie,

her mouth lingering for a few seconds before she moved away. With a

• 193 •

RADCLY fFE

sigh, she settled into the chair on the opposite side of the small table

that held the wine. “I certainly hope that glass is for me. I can use it.”

“How was the trip?” Leslie said, automatically handing the glass

to Rachel. They hadn’t touched in three weeks and hadn’t made love

for several before that, and the kiss had felt strangely foreign. Uneasily,

Leslie chalked it up to their long separation.

“Oh, the ß ight was all right,” Rachel said. “But I barely made it

to the airport on time, waiting for a courier to deliver Þ les to the ofÞ ce

for the deps next week.” She grimaced. “Sometimes I think the world

is Þ lled with incompetents. No, actually I know it is.”

“You really didn’t have to come all the way up here, Rach. I’ve

booked a ß ight back tomorrow afternoon.”

Rachel sipped her wine, her expression contained. “I’m on a nine

o’clock ß ight to Detroit tomorrow. I’ll be gone most of the week.”

“Oh,” Leslie said, oddly relieved. “Still, squeezing this stop in

wasn’t necessary.”

“Well, I think it was.” Rachel’s voice was throaty as her eyes

dropped to Leslie’s mouth, then back to her eyes. “It’s been a hellacious

month. I’ve been putting in eighty-hour weeks, dealing with idiots for

the most part, and I’ve got a bit of a mineÞ eld ahead of me. Getting

the asses of these CEOs at Pharmcore out of the Þ re is going to take a

bit of work.” She traced a Þ nger along the edge of Leslie’s jaw. “I’ve

missed you.”

Leslie forced a smile. She’d missed Rachel too. She’d missed

discussing their respective cases, devising strategy, celebrating

victories. She’d missed Rachel’s acerbic humor and her ceaseless

energy. They understood one another’s need to win, and she missed

not needing to defend herself. What she hadn’t missed, as she read

the unmistakable message in Rachel’s eyes, were their intense, often

frantic sexual encounters. Rachel had always needed sex more than

she did. It was Rachel’s outlet, the way she vented her frustration and

settled her nerves. Leslie could always tell when Rachel was facing a

difÞ cult trial because Rachel wanted to see her more frequently. Then

when they were together, Rachel was physically more demanding,

more aggressive. Leslie never minded, because she often forgot about

her own physical wants and having Rachel satisfy them, even when she

hadn’t realized she needed relief, was welcome.

“I’m sorry my visit turned out to be longer than I expected,” Leslie

said, growing more uncomfortable with her thoughts every second.

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“It doesn’t matter,” Rachel said. “I probably wouldn’t have been

able to see you anyhow.” She emptied her wineglass and set it aside,

then leaned forward, her face shadowed as night closed in around them.

“I’ve been thinking of all the things I want to do with you for the last

two hours. Let’s go somewhere so I can show you.”

Leslie’s stomach dropped, and she felt an altogether unfamiliar

sense of panic. She wasn’t ready. She hadn’t made the transition from

who she’d been the last three weeks back into the woman she was with

Rachel. She didn’t know Rachel. No, that was wrong. Rachel hadn’t

changed. Nothing had changed. She just needed a little more time for

them to fall back into the old rhythm, then it would all make sense

again. Her head pounded, and she had a ß eeting thought that she was

glad she had started the medication, because her heart was racing out

of control. “Rachel, I’m sorry. I promised my mother I’d help her make

sure everything was set down at the boathouse. The party is going to

start in half an hour. I can’t disappear.”

Rachel gave a faint murmur of protest, but her voice was teasing.

“You know when we haven’t seen each other for this long, it never

takes me half an hour.”

Leslie ß ushed, not from arousal, but because of its absence.

Something was wrong. Very wrong. She hadn’t wanted to run away

this badly since the night she’d realized that it wasn’t Mike she wanted

to make love to, but Dev. But she wasn’t seventeen anymore, and she

couldn’t just run away from her life. She tried for a playful tone. “Can

you stand waiting a few more hours?”

“I might be able to,” Rachel said slowly, casting one quick look

around as she moved. She leaned down over Leslie, bracing an arm on

either side of her, Þ ngers curled around the arms of the wicker chair.

Her voice was barely a whisper. “But I can’t promise I won’t have to

drag you off into some dark corner. I am terribly, terribly ready for

you.”

The heat of Rachel’s body was like a furnace raging between

them, and just as Leslie felt the Þ rst brush of Rachel’s lips, the porch

light came on and Rachel hurriedly straightened. Leslie rose quickly

at the sound of a door opening and footsteps on the porch. When she

turned, her mother stopped abruptly a few feet away, her expression

uncertain.

“Mom,” Leslie said in a rush. “This is Rachel. Rachel, my

mother.”

• 195 •

RADCLY fFE

Eileen smiled and held out her hand. “I’m Eileen. It’s nice to meet

you.”

“So nice to meet you too. Thank you for allowing me to barge in

this way,” Rachel said graciously. “It’s very beautiful here.”

“We think so too.” Eileen turned to Leslie. “Honey, you don’t

need to he—”

“No, that’s Þ ne,” Leslie said hastily. “Really. I’ll just show Rachel

the cabin so she can change, and I’ll be right down to give you a hand.”

Leslie squeezed Rachel’s hand. “Okay?”

Rachel nodded. “Of course. I just need to get my overnight bag

from the car.”

“You’ve been traveling all day. Stay here,” Leslie said. “Let me

have your keys, and I’ll get it.”

“Thank you, darling.” Rachel handed her the keys. “I packed

light—I might not have anything quite right for tonight.”

Leslie laughed. “You’re not required to wear jeans and hiking

boots, I promise.”

“I’m ever so relieved.” Rachel smiled at Eileen, who appeared to

be watching the exchange with interest. “I’d be happy to do whatever I

can to help with the preparations too.”

“Absolutely not,” Eileen said with an emphatic shake of her head.

“You’re a guest. In fact, why don’t you come inside and I’ll introduce

you to Leslie’s father while I get a ß ashlight. Then I’ll walk you two

down to the cabin with the luggage.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Leslie said. “Rachel, I’ll be right back.”

Leslie hurried down the stairs, embarrassed to feel relieved that

she and Rachel would not be alone for a few more hours. Surely by the

end of the evening, by the time they were ready for bed, this disquieting

sense of disorientation would be gone. Because if it wasn’t, they were

going to need to talk, and she wasn’t even sure what she would say.

v

Dev sat on the front steps of her cabin listening to music and the

sound of laughter ß owing through the trees while she Þ nished her second

beer. It was eleven and she had put off going down to the boathouse for

as long as she could. She’d told Eileen she would put in an appearance,

but that wasn’t the real reason she stood up and started walking, making

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her way down the wooded path by memory and moonlight. Leslie

would be there, and she wanted to see her.

Knowing it was a fool’s errand that would only end in pain, she

asked herself for the tenth time why she didn’t just call Natalie and

spend the night with a woman who wanted her. The excuses she’d

used to keep Natalie at arm’s length were wearing thin, even to her

own ears. Refusing to explore a relationship with Natalie wasn’t about

being fair or unfair to Natalie. Natalie hadn’t asked for anything more

than friendship and shared pleasure. No, refusing to become involved

was about what it had always been about. It was about wanting the

one woman she just couldn’t have. Because Leslie was always with

someone else.

Dev jammed her hands in the pockets of her jeans, resisting the

path she had followed once to her own destruction. For the Þ rst time,

she felt anger rather than resignation ß are hot inside her.

She stopped on the ridge just above the boathouse, seeing it just as

she had seen it Þ fteen years before—light spilling out the door, people

crowded around the entrance, music ß oating from the open windows.

People drank, ß irted, loved, and she stood on the outside watching. She

might have come full circle, but she had arrived back at the beginning

not as a confused seventeen-year-old willing to give her heart away for

a smile, but as a woman who wanted more. Leslie was with someone

else, and all Dev needed to be free was to break the chain that held

her to the past. There was one certain way to do that. She shouldered

through the crowd into the boathouse in search of Leslie.

It only took her a minute to Þ nd her. Despite the dim light and

the masses of people, Dev’s gaze was drawn to her as if a beam of

light, invisible to everyone else, emanated from Leslie’s heart straight

into her own. Rather than approach her, Dev moved deeper into the

shadows along the wall where she could watch her without being seen.

A woman partially illuminated in moonlight stood beside Leslie, an

arm curved loosely around Leslie’s waist. There was no doubt about

their relationship. The woman held Leslie with an easy familiarity and

subtle possessiveness.

Dev blinked as sweat ran into her eyes, but she couldn’t look

away. She’d never seen Leslie with a woman. She’d seen her with

Mike, hundreds of times. At football games, at dances, on the beach.

Mike had touched Leslie as if she were his too, but Dev had never

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RADCLY fFE

believed it. Leslie had always held herself apart, always saved what

was so essentially Leslie for the moments when she and Dev were alone

together. Tonight was different. Tonight, a woman stood by Leslie’s

side and the truth was apparent. Leslie was with who she should be

with, and Dev was not the one she had chosen. As Dev watched, the

copper-haired woman inclined her head and kissed Leslie. The tie that

had bound Dev to Leslie all her life snapped with the fragile grace of

a simple kiss.

As if Leslie felt it too, she pulled her head away and half turned in

Dev’s direction. Dev knew Leslie couldn’t see her across the crowded

ß oor, in near darkness, but for just an instant, she felt their eyes meet.

She whispered, Goodbye, Leslie, and this time, she meant it.

Dev strode from the boathouse, veering off at the end of the

concrete ramp toward the shore. A faint breeze came off the lake and

she tilted her head up to cool the sweat on her face.

“Dev!”

Dev looked over her shoulder and saw Leslie hurrying along the

sand toward her.

“Go back inside, Les,” Dev said, walking away.

“I can’t.”

Leslie’s voice was barely a whisper carried on the wind, but the

pain was so clear that Dev felt it in her heart. She stopped to face her.

“You don’t belong out here with me, Les.”

Leslie’s anguished face was so vulnerable in the moonlight that

Dev ached to hold her, but her anger was greater than her grief. Leslie

stepped close to Dev and touched her Þ ngertips ever so gently to Dev’s

cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see that.”

“Why not?” Dev caught Leslie’s hand and jerked it away, more

roughly than she intended. “She’s your lover. Go back inside.”

“I know things have been crazy this summer, but—”

“This summer?” Dev laughed harshly. “No, what’s been crazy is

everything up until this summer.”

“I don’t…I don’t understand.” Leslie didn’t understand anything.

She didn’t understand why, when she’d looked up to see Dev watching

Rachel kiss her, everything inside of her had grown cold. Why the

entire room had disappeared until all she could see was Dev’s face and

the pain in her eyes. Why she’d made a feeble excuse about needing

to check on her father and had run out into the night after Dev. But she

couldn’t just let her walk away. Could she?

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“I’ve been in love with you all my life,” Dev said, “and it wasn’t

until this summer that I realized I was just holding on to a dream that

had died a long time ago.” Dev shook with bitterness and anger. “You

walked away, Leslie. You made a life, disappeared from mine, and I

still couldn’t let you go. Now that’s crazy.”

“Dev,” Leslie said desperately. “It’s not that I didn’t care.”

“I loved you,” Dev said, her voice breaking. “Oh, God, I loved you

with my whole soul.” She turned her face away, refusing to let Leslie

see the tears that streaked her cheeks, but her body trembled as the next

words tore their way out from deep inside her. “And you left me.”

“Oh my God,” Leslie whispered, crying herself. “You don’t know

how it killed me to lose you.”

Dev’s head snapped around, her body rigid. “No. I don’t know.

Because you were gone.” Her hands tightened into Þ sts at her side.

“And you’re still gone. Go back to your lover.”

“But I love y—”

“No! Don’t say that. Don’t!” Dev gripped Leslie’s shoulders and

shook her hard enough to make her gasp. “I’m done dreaming.”

Leslie cried out and Dev realized her Þ ngers had to be bruising

Leslie’s shoulders. She pulled her hands away as if they burned and

stumbled back a step. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m all right.”

Dev shook her head. “I’m sorry for all of it.” Then she escaped

into the dark, leaving the dream to fade away on the hot summer air.

Leslie called her name, but Dev didn’t stop. Running, her legs

cramping and her breath little more than a sob by the time she reached

her cabin, she still took the stairs two at a time. Inside, she quickly

scooped up her keys. Then she was racing down the path to the parking

lot. She wasn’t spending the night in the cabin with Leslie and her lover

next door. She didn’t trust herself to see them together again. Right now

she was numb, but she didn’t know how long it would last. And her

anger was even more frightening than the pain.

• 199 •

• 200 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

As Leslie threaded her way through the waning crowd toward

Rachel, she gave silent thanks for the dim lighting. She didn’t

want Rachel to know she’d been crying. How would she ever be able to

explain what had just happened? She never talked about her past with

Rachel. Rachel didn’t know anything about Dev, or Mike, or what had

happened. Rachel would think she’d had some kind of a breakdown if

she told her she was crying over a teenage love affair that she hadn’t

even realized was happening at the time. Except her tears had been

for more than the loss of that innocent love. She was losing Dev, and

she couldn’t think about that right now. Not with Rachel here, and her

shoulders still burning where Dev had gripped her. She needed some

space from both of them, to think her way through what had happened.

Once she was home, back on familiar ground, she’d make sense of it

all.

Taking a deep breath, Leslie edged up to Rachel. “I’m back. Did

I miss anything?”

“Nothing that looked quite as entertaining as what I have planned

for you,” Rachel murmured, kissing Leslie lightly below the ear. “Have

we made enough of an appearance that we can sneak out?”

“I’m sorry, you must be tired,” Leslie said. “Of course, let’s go.”

“Thank you, darling.”

Once outside, Leslie took Rachel’s hand to lead her along the path.

Rachel stopped her in a moonless spot and nuzzled her neck.

“Did I mention I’ve been desperate for you for days?”

“Do you know that bears can smell pheromones?” Leslie asked

lightly, edging away.

• 201 •

RADCLY fFE

Rachel laughed. “Then get me home, darling, or we’ll be in real

danger.”

Leslie had left the porch light on in her cabin, and she had no

difÞ culty leading them to it. She searched the trees around Dev’s cabin

for any sign of her, but there was only darkness and an eerie sense of

emptiness. Leslie couldn’t help but remember the last time Dev had left

a party at the boathouse hurt and angry. That night she’d nearly died.

But Dev was an adult now, and sober, and Leslie wanted desperately

to believe that she hadn’t hurt Dev that badly again. Leslie forced her

attention back to Rachel as they climbed the stairs to the cabin.

“I can certainly see how staying here for any length of time would

be relaxing,” Rachel said wryly as she walked in.

“What do you mean?”

“It barely feels as if we’re in the twenty-Þ rst century. I half expect

to Þ nd you handing me a candle and directing me to the outhouse.”

Leslie laughed and turned on a table lamp. “Voilà. All the modern

conveniences.”

Rachel turned in a small circle, eyebrows raised as she surveyed

the living room. “Internet? Cable?”

“Ah, no cable. Wireless if the wind blows in the right direction.”

“Well,” Rachel’s voice dropped as she took Leslie’s hand and

pulled her into her arms, “we’ll have to Þ nd something else to occupy

our time.”

Rachel moved so quickly, Leslie had no time to anticipate the kiss.

They’d made love countless times and the pressure of Rachel’s mouth,

the possessive sweep of her hands down Leslie’s back to cup her hips,

the demanding thrust of her tongue were all so familiar. Rachel was a

skillful lover, and Leslie’s body responded automatically, accustomed

to the knowing touch. When her mind caught up to her body, she tensed,

feeling unexpectedly uneasy.

“Wait a minute, Rach,” Leslie said, pulling back from the embrace.

“I don’t want to get carried away out here. Let’s go in the bedroom.”

“Why,” Rachel murmured, nipping her way down Leslie’s neck

to the base of her throat. She insinuated one hand between them and

skimmed her Þ ngertips over Leslie’s breast. “There’s no one to see.”

Leslie gasped involuntarily as her nipple tightened instantly.

“Mmm, I love exciting you.” Rachel ß icked open the top button of

Leslie’s blouse and slid her hand beneath it, her Þ ngertips gliding under

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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

the edge of Leslie’s satin bra. “You have wonderful breasts, darling. So

responsive.”

Rachel tugged Leslie’s nipple as she massaged her breast in Þ rm,

sensuous circles.

“Oh God,” Leslie whispered, closing her eyes as tendrils of pleasure

snaked downward, burying themselves deep inside. Somewhere in

her rapidly blurring consciousness, she was aware that something felt

wrong, but the sensations racing through her body screamed otherwise.

Trembling, the intoxicating burn very close to claiming her, she steadied

herself with a hand against Rachel’s shoulder and pushed her gently

away. “Please, Rach. Not out here.”

Rachel’s green eyes were hazy, her breath coming in short, quick

pants. Grasping Leslie’s hand, Rachel pulled her toward the bedroom.

“Then hurry, darling. I’m ready to explode.”

Aroused, confused, Leslie couldn’t make sense of her jumbled

emotions. This was Rachel, her lover, and they weren’t doing anything

they hadn’t done dozens of times before. The strangeness, the frightening

disconnection, was just because they’d been apart. She undressed

methodically. Rachel threw off her clothes and then impatiently pushed

aside the last of Leslie’s. When Rachel pulled her down on the bed and

immediately rolled on top of her, moaning Leslie’s name and frantically

grinding against her thigh, Leslie blocked the unsettling thoughts.

Whatever was happening, whatever was wrong, was none of Rachel’s

doing. And Rachel needed her right now.

Leslie cupped the back of Rachel’s neck in her palm, holding

Rachel’s head to her breasts, and arched to meet her thrusts. Rachel

would come quickly this way, and then they could sleep, and tomorrow

it would all make sense.

Rachel shuddered and cried out. After a few minutes, her breathing

steadied and she slid off Leslie’s body, laughing softly. “Sorry, darling.

I’ve been wound up for days and I just couldn’t last.”

“I know, it’s okay,” Leslie said quietly, pulling the sheet over them.

“You need to get some sleep. You’ve got that early ß ight tomorrow.”

“You didn’t come yet,” Rachel whispered, caressing Leslie’s

stomach.

Leslie caught her hand. She was aroused. She could feel the

wetness on her thighs and the tightness in the pit of her stomach. But

she didn’t want to come. Instead, she had the terrible feeling she was

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RADCLY fFE

going to cry. She pulled Rachel’s arm around her and turned on her side

into the curve of Rachel’s body. “I don’t need to. I’m still not feeling all

that great. Just hold me now.”

“You sure?” Rachel asked drowsily, stroking Leslie’s hair. “In the

morning, then.”

“Just go to sleep, Rachel.” Leslie closed her eyes, but she lay

awake long after Rachel’s breathing had dropped into the slow rhythm

of exhausted sleep. Rachel wasn’t the stranger in her bed.

She was.

v

Leslie braced her arm along the roof of the sedan and leaned down

to the open window. “Be careful driving. You’ve got plenty of time.”

“Sorry to leave so early,” Rachel said, propping the travel cup

Þ lled with coffee that Eileen had just given her into the space in the

console. “I just want to check my e-mail and take care of a few things

at that Internet place in the airport before my ß ight.”

“Good luck in Detroit. They won’t know what hit them.”

Rachel grinned, looking relaxed and conÞ dent, and Leslie knew

it was only partly Rachel’s exhilaration about the upcoming legal

challenge. Rachel had awakened Leslie at Þ rst light, caressing her

into awareness and fondling her to a shattering orgasm just as Leslie

had come fully awake. While Leslie was still reeling with aftershocks,

Rachel had urgently guided Leslie’s Þ ngers into her, coming hard before

rising hurriedly to shower. Rachel made love like she did everything

else, expertly and efÞ ciently.

“It will be quick, but not necessarily painless.” Rachel’s eyes

gleamed as she checked her watch. “I’ve got to run, but this little side

trip was just what I needed. You were wonderful.” She started the car

and Leslie stepped back. “I’ll call you later this week and let you know

my schedule. Bye, darling.”

“Goodbye,” Leslie said softly.

Rachel wheeled rapidly out of the parking lot, and Leslie slowly

climbed the path back to the lodge. Through the screen door, she heard

her mother setting out the buffet in the dining room, but she didn’t go

inside. Eileen had offered her breakfast earlier when she and Rachel

had stopped by the kitchen for coffee, but she wasn’t hungry then. She

still wasn’t. Instead, she sat down in the same wicker chair where she’d

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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

waited for Rachel the evening before. It didn’t seem possible that it

had only been twelve hours ago. Her mind was on overload trying to

process everything that had happened.

It didn’t seem possible that it had taken her all this time to

discover that sex and work were the only two things that connected her

to Rachel. She searched her memory for the last time she and Rachel

had talked about anything that wasn’t a legal case, or an evening they’d

spent together that had been more than a few hours of intense sex and

exhausted sleep. She couldn’t come up with one.

“I noticed you like quite a bit of cream in your coffee,” Eileen

said, sliding a mug onto the table next to Leslie before sitting down in

the other chair. “Hope I got that right.”

“Thanks.” Leslie smiled wanly. “I’ve been trying to cut down on

my caffeine. I’ll probably get clogged arteries instead.”

“Rachel’s gone?”

Leslie nodded, her throat tight.

“I didn’t see Dev last night at the party.”

“She didn’t stay long,” Leslie said softly.

“I’m sure there’s a better way to go about this, but I don’t know

what it is.” Eileen sighed. “You look terribly unhappy. What’s wrong?”

Leslie drew one leg up onto the chair and bent forward to rest her

chin on her knee. The sun had crested the trees and bathed the porch in

warm morning sunlight. “I think I’ve really screwed up my relationship

with Rachel.”

There was a beat of silence, then Eileen said, “How so?”

Leslie shook her head. She wasn’t about to say that she’d had sex

with Rachel when a big part of her hadn’t really wanted to and that

when she’d opened her eyes that morning in the middle of a screaming

orgasm, she’d wanted it to be Dev who was making her come. “Never

mind. God, I can’t talk about it with you.”

“Something you think a mother couldn’t possibly understand?”

“Something like that.”

“Maybe you should talk to Dev about it.”

“Why?” Leslie said sharply.

Eileen rose and stroked Leslie’s hair. “Because now I’ve seen you

with both of them, and I haven’t changed my mind about which one

you’re in love with.”

Leslie said nothing, but she feared her mother was right.

• 205 •

RADCLY fFE

v

Dev turned into the parking lot and saw Leslie piling luggage into

the Jeep. The sight made her feel as if she’d swallowed a ball of lead.

Twenty minutes ago she’d had such an intense sense of foreboding

surge up out of nowhere that she’d dropped everything at the lab and

rushed back to the lodge. The entire trip back she’d been sick thinking

that Leslie had already left. Now she wasn’t sure it was such a good

idea she’d come back.

Nevertheless, she climbed out of the truck and crossed the

steaming blacktop to Leslie’s side. Leslie looked fresh in an outÞ t similar

to the one she’d worn the night before. Dev Þ gured she must look like

shit because she’d slept in her clothes. “When are you leaving?”

Leslie regarded her steadily, absurdly happy to see her, even if

she had no idea what she was going to do about anything. “In about an

hour.”

“Can you take a walk with me?”

“All right.”

Silently, Dev led the way down a narrow, pine-needle-strewn

footpath that led to the lake on the opposite side of the lodge from the

cabins. No one ever came down there. On the shore, she stopped at the

foot of a huge outcropping of rocks as big as Volkswagens. She held out

her hand. “The footing’s going to be tricky in what you’ve got on.”

Wordlessly, Leslie took Dev’s hand and carefully climbed to

the top. The rocks were pitted from years of weather and strewn with

patches of moss. She’d sunbathed on these rocks when she’d been a

child. She sat down next to Dev and watched a sailboat glide by on the

lake.

After a moment, Dev shifted to look into Leslie’s face. “I’m sorry

about last night, Les.”

“I was afraid it would be just like the last time,” Leslie said,

feeling so weary. So very nearly empty. “You were so angry. I was

afraid you’d go off half-crazy and get careless and hurt yourself.”

“I did.” One corner of Dev’s mouth lifted in a tired grin. “I slept

on a couch that had the consistency of a slab of granite.”

Leslie laughed softly. “You look terrible.”

“I feel terrible.” Dev lifted a hand to stroke Leslie’s cheek, then

stopped a breath away. “I…Jesus. I’m so sorry I lost my temper. Did I

hurt you?”

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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“No.” There were Þ ngerprint bruises on the crest of both of

Leslie’s shoulders. She’d seen them in the mirror when she’d showered

that morning. It was funny. Rachel never noticed.

“I don’t want you to leave thinking I blame you for anything,”

Dev said, taking Leslie’s hand before she realized she’d even done it.

“What happened when we were kids—that’s long over. Seeing you

again just brought up a lot of old stuff. It kind of put me into a spin.”

“I know what you mean.”

“I need to tell you something.” Dev had woken up feeling numb,

but she was pretty sure that as soon as it hit her that Leslie was really

gone, a lot of places inside were going to hurt for a long time. But

she’d promised herself she wasn’t going to talk about that now. She’d

burned up the road to get back to the lodge because she didn’t want to

let anger and pain be their last memory. This time when they parted,

she wanted the love and friendship that they’d shared to be what they

remembered.

“Yesterday you said…” Dev’s throat constricted unexpectedly

and she looked quickly away, blinking rapidly. After a second, when

she was certain she could hold it together, she met Leslie’s gaze again.

“You said I was special to you—back then.”

“You were the bravest, the strongest, the most wonderful person

in my life.” Leslie’s hands shook as she enfolded Dev’s in both of hers.

Raising Dev’s Þ ngers to her lips, she kissed them.

“Les,” Dev murmured, rubbing her thumb gently below Leslie’s

eyes as tears fell like raindrops. “Don’t do that. It’s okay now.”

Shaking her head, Leslie took a shuddering breath. “No one has

ever known me the way you did.”

“Loving you is the best thing I ever did. Being special to you is

what made me strong.” Dev got to her knees and cradled Leslie’s face

gently between her hands. She leaned down and kissed her softly, a

gentle lingering kiss that spoke of all the things she’d feared to say

when she’d been young, and had never wanted to say to anyone else. “I

love you, and I’ll never be sorry for that.”

Leslie wrapped her arms around Dev’s shoulders, one hand

stroking her hair, the other her back. She knew this woman, this body,

this heart in a place deep inside that no one else had ever touched.

“I love you too,” Leslie whispered, brushing her mouth over Dev’s

neck to seal the taste of her in her heart.

Dev slid down off the rock and held out her arms. Leslie grasped

• 207 •

RADCLY fFE

her hands and climbed down beside her, then linked Þ ngers as they

stood together by the lake that had been the backdrop to all their

precious moments.

After a minute, Dev said, “Whenever I see the lake at dawn, or

walk in the woods in the moonlight, or wake up in the morning to

birdsong, I’m going to think about you.” She stroked Leslie’s cheek,

then kissed her one last time. “Look me up if you ever get tired of

Manhattan.”

“I will,” Leslie whispered, backing away until their hands no

longer touched. She left Dev standing by the lake and went back to her

life.

• 208 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Leslie’s BlackBerry vibrated just as she stepped off the elevator

into the parking garage. She was tempted to ignore it because

it was almost 8 p.m. and Rachel was due at her apartment in thirty

minutes. She’d just left the ofÞ ce, and if it was anything important,

whoever it was could e-mail her. Still, maybe it was Rachel calling

to cancel. She pulled the BlackBerry from her briefcase and her heart

gave a sudden lurch when she saw the number for the lodge on the

readout. Maybe it was Dev.

“Hello?”

“Hi, honey,” Eileen said. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just leaving the ofÞ ce,” Leslie said, feeling foolish and

disappointed in equal measure. Why would Dev call her? They’d said

everything there was to say when they’d said goodbye.

“Still working late, I see.”

“This is pretty much the norm. Is everything okay?”

“Oh…yes. I hadn’t heard from you, and I just…I should let you go

if you’re on your way home.”

“No. It’s Þ ne. I meant to call, but it’s just been crazy since I got

back.” Leslie unlocked her car, tossed her briefcase onto the passenger

seat, and put the key in the ignition. It had taken her the better part of

a week to catch up and another to get ahead of the game. If she was

going to take time off at the end of the summer to go home again, she

had to plan for it now. Besides, two weeks of nonstop work had helped

take her mind off everything that happened at the lake, at least for a few

hours at a time. As soon as she was alone and not working, though, she

• 209 •

RADCLY fFE

thought about Dev. Sadness washed through her and she focused on the

call. “How’s Daddy?”

“Grumpy.”

Leslie laughed. “Can’t you Þ nd something for him to do? He must

be driving you nuts.”

“He is, but he’s Þ nally able to get down to the boathouse, and that

helps.” There was a beat of silence, then Eileen said casually, “How’s

Rachel?”

“Fine, I think.” Leslie started the car and switched to the handsfree mic. “She got back in town last week but we’ve both been too busy

to get together. In fact, she should be on her way over to my place right

now.”

“Well then, I deÞ nitely don’t want to keep you.”

Leslie felt a quick clench of anxiety and just as quickly forced it

away. Maybe she should talk it over with her mother. No, she’d thought

things through, and she was sure. It wouldn’t be easy, but she’d done

harder things in her life. At least, she wanted to tell herself she had.

“How’s Dev?” Leslie asked, slowing so she could run her ID card

through the box at the security gate.

“I haven’t seen her very much since you left. Every now and

then I’ll catch her at breakfast or dinner. She looks tired. I guess she’s

working hard too.”

Leslie considered how she would phrase the next question. “How

is the tourist business? Has Natalie said anything about the campsites

being full?”

“I haven’t had much chance to talk to her, either. I’ve seen her

once or twice with Dev.”

“At the lodge?” Leslie probed. For dinner? For breakfast?

“Mmm. Are you driving right now?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then I’m going to go. You need to pay attention to what you’re

doing, Leslie.”

Leslie smiled. “I know, Mom. I’m trying.”

“All right, then. Call sometime. I miss you.”

“Me too,” Leslie said softly.

v

• 210 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Let me see if I understand this correctly,” Rachel said, appraising

Leslie steadily over the top of her wineglass. Sitting forward on Leslie’s

sofa, she took another sip of her Pinot Noir, then cradled the crystal

goblet between her long, elegant Þ ngers. “You’re telling me you want

to change the terms of our relationship, but you’re not involved with

anyone else?”

“That’s right,” Leslie said quietly.

Rachel tapped a Þ nger on her glass. “You’re not sleeping with

anyone else, but you want to stop sleeping with me.”

“Yes.”

“Forgive me if I’m being dense,” Rachel said, “because I was

under the impression that we got along very well, in and out of the

bedroom. But most deÞ nitely in the bedroom.”

“We do.” Leslie knew this was going to be difÞ cult to explain.

Not because she expected Rachel to lose her temper or create a scene,

but because Leslie had never indicated that she wanted her relationship

with Rachel to be more than what it was. And she hadn’t, not until she’d

felt what love was like. “I love thrashing out legal issues with you, and

I enjoy being with you.” She rubbed her forehead. “God, Rach, I’m

really trying to avoid clichés here, but this isn’t about anything you’ve

done. It really is about me.”

Rachel smiled wryly. “The next thing I know, you’re going to tell

me you want to be friends.”

“I do want that. If we can.” Leslie met Rachel’s eyes and saw

the confusion in them. This wasn’t right. Rachel deserved more. She

deserved the truth. “I’m not seeing anyone else. But there is someone

else I…I’m in love with.”

“A woman, I hope.”

“God, yes,” Leslie said, laughing brieß y.

“You’re in love with another woman, but you’re not sleeping

with her.”

“I’m not doing anything with her. I told you, we don’t have a

relationship.”

Rachel shook her head. “I’m not tracking here, darling. You’re

going to have to spell it out.”

“When I was up at the lake, I rekindled a…a relationship with a

woman I knew years ago. I was in love with her in high school, and I

• 211 •

RADCLY fFE

guess I’ve been a little bit in love with her all my life. Now I know it,

and it doesn’t feel right being with you.”

“Does she know how you feel about her?” Rachel leaned back and

crossed her legs, her charcoal pinstripe silk skirt sliding to mid-thigh.

She stretched one arm out along the back of the sofa, her suit jacket

falling open and her blouse tightening across her breasts.

It was a seductive pose, and Leslie knew Rachel knew it. She

looked away. “Yes and no. About before, yes. About now, not

exactly.”

“So you’re doing the honorable thing before you and she—”

“No,” Leslie said quickly. “I don’t…we don’t have any plans for

anything.”

“You’re going to stop seeing me because of a high school crush?”

Rachel’s tone was more incredulous than angry. “And you’re not even

pursuing her?”

“I’m pretty turned around right now, Rach. I just don’t feel like I

can be with anyone.”

“Maybe you need to take some more time off. I’ve never seen you

like this.”

“You mean emotionally all over the place?” Leslie knew she

always appeared to be in control because she always kept her emotions

so tightly under wraps. But now she couldn’t. She couldn’t push the

memory of Dev away, or what she felt for her, or what she didn’t feel

for Rachel. She couldn’t go back to being completely focused on work

and contenting herself with a casual sexual relationship. Part of her

mind was always thinking about Dev. About where she was. What she

was doing. If she was with Natalie. If she was happy. If she missed

Leslie as much as Leslie missed her.

“A few weeks off won’t change anything,” Leslie said gently.

“And it doesn’t feel fair to keep seeing you when I feel this way.”

“You can’t be happy about this.”

Leslie closed her eyes for an instant, then smiled weakly. “I’m not,

but it’s what I have to do.”

“We have an excellent physical relationship, and we enjoy each

other’s company. You’re not seeing anyone else, and neither am I.”

Rising, Rachel set her glass down and glided over to Leslie. She cupped

her jaw and raised her head. “Why give this up?”

Leslie felt the familiar pull of Rachel’s mouth moving over hers,

• 212 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

those long Þ ngers caressing her neck, a warm hand cupping her breast.

Her nipple hardened in Rachel’s palm and she heard Rachel’s murmur

of approval. Carefully, she eased back, breaking the kiss and the

caress.

“My heart’s not in it, Rachel. And I need it to be. I’m sorry.”

Rachel straightened. “I’m not going to wait.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Leslie stood. “I wouldn’t ask you to.”

“But,” Rachel said, running her Þ ngertip along Leslie’s jaw, “I

think it might take me quite some time to Þ nd anyone I enjoy as much

as you, especially in the bedroom. So call me, if you decide you miss

it.”

“You can call me too,” Leslie said softly, knowing Rachel

wouldn’t. Rachel didn’t have friends, she didn’t have time. She had

colleagues to challenge her mind and a lover to satisfy her body. Leslie

doubted Rachel would go long without Þ nding someone else. She

burned too fast and too brightly not to have her needs met. “I’m sorry.

I hate hurting you.”

“I know, darling.” Rachel’s eyes were cool, her expression remote.

“I’ll miss you, but I won’t suffer. If I were the kind of person who did,

you probably wouldn’t be leaving.”

Leslie said nothing. If she’d thought Rachel would be devastated,

she still would have found a way to say goodbye. She wasn’t doing

either of them any favors pretending that what they had was enough for

her. And no matter what they shared, it wouldn’t be enough to keep her

from wanting Dev.

“Take care, Rachel,” Leslie said, walking with her to the door.

Rachel collected her briefcase and keys. “I’ve never known you

to be a coward, Leslie. If you love the woman, for God’s sake, do

something about it.”

“Thank you, Counselor,” Leslie said, smiling ß eetingly. “I’ll take

that under serious advisement.”

“You should, because I’m never wrong. Goodbye, darling.”

When the door closed behind Rachel, Leslie returned to the living

room and picked up her wine. She sipped slowly, completely alone. It

felt both liberating and terrifying.

v

• 213 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev slowed the park service truck at the mouth of a vacant

campsite while Natalie jumped off the running board, trotted down the

dirt path to the clearing, and checked that the Þ re was out in the Þ re pit.

She jogged back, hooked her arm inside the open window, and steadied

herself against the outside of the door. She grinned in at Dev.

“Only Þ ve more to go.”

“You didn’t tell me I was going to have to work for my dinner.”

“I did say you could stay back at the ofÞ ce and wait for me.”

“This saves time,” Dev said, turning onto the last loop of road that

snaked through the campsite. “Plus, if I waited there, I’d have to listen

to Jimmy complain about the heat.”

“Or the bugs.”

“Or the tourists.”

“Or—” Natalie laughed and hopped down as Dev slowed again.

When she climbed back aboard and they moved on, she peered through

the window again. “Hear anything from Leslie?”

Dev stared straight ahead. “No.”

“You haven’t called her?”

“No.”

“Going to?”

Dev shook her head.

“Should I ask why not?”

“Among other things, she’s got a girlfriend.”

“Ah.”

“This is your stop,” Dev said, braking.

Natalie checked the last few sites on foot while Dev followed

along the narrow dirt road. When she returned to the truck, she settled

into the passenger seat and slipped her hand onto Dev’s thigh. “I’m

sorry.”

Dev glanced at her. “About what?”

“For bringing it up. I waited two weeks. I thought that was a

decent interval.”

“It’s okay.” Dev pulled into the parking lot behind the ranger’s

ofÞ ce. Two weeks. It felt like two minutes. She could still feel the

warmth of Leslie’s hand in hers. She could still hear her voice, smell

the subtle scent of her perfume. Leslie was everywhere around her, but

never anywhere as much as in her thoughts. There was no time frame

for missing Leslie. No beginning, and no end. It was simply part of her

life and had been for as long as she could remember.

• 214 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Hey. Don’t go drifting off, Dev. There’s nothing back there but

pain.”

“I know,” Dev said. “I’m okay.”

“Not quite, but you will be.”

“Your friendship means a lot to me. Thanks.”

“Don’t even go there,” Natalie said. “We are friends. And that

means you don’t have to thank me.”

Dev grinned and backed into a parking space. “Yeah yeah.”

“And I’m still going to make a move on you.” Natalie leaned

across the gearshift and gently bit Dev’s earlobe. “But I’m going to

give you a little more time to get prepared. A day. Maybe two.”

Dev laughed. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Natalie patted Dev’s thigh. “Anytime.”

“I’m not in any shape to get involved, Nat,” Dev said quietly as

they locked up the park service vehicle.

“Can’t shake her?”

Dev shook her head. Leslie was always in her thoughts, in her

dreams. Leslie was in her blood.

“I could help.” Natalie grasped Dev’s hand as they walked toward

her SUV.

“You do help.”

Natalie laughed. “I meant in a bit more active way.”

Dev laughed too. “I know.”

“So when I make a serious offer,” Natalie said, pausing before

unlocking her vehicle, “you can tell me if it’s what you want or not.”

“Nat,” Dev said gently. “I don’t want to mislead you. I don’t

think—”

“Ah ah—you have to wait until I make my move to turn me

down.”

Lifting her hands in defeat, Dev nodded. “Okay. And just so you

won’t think I’m running scared, I’ll tell you right now I’m going to be

out of town for a couple of days at the end of the month.”

“Oh yeah? What’s up?” Natalie unlocked the doors and they slid

in.

“I’ve been scheduled on and off for the last four months to testify

in a case involving industrial contamination of a river upstate, and they

keep rescheduling. I just heard it’s Þ nally going to go.”

“So you’re heading upstate?”

“No,” Dev said quietly. “Actually, the trial is in New York City.”

• 215 •

RADCLY fFE

“Oh.” Natalie glanced at Dev as she pulled out onto the highway.

“And?”

Dev shook her head. “And nothing.”

“Okay,” Natalie said, reaching for Dev’s hand. She squeezed it

brieß y, then let go. “My timetable still looks good, then.”

Dev smiled, but she feared that time alone would not be enough

for her to forget Leslie.

• 216 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I’ll be out the rest of the afternoon, Steph,” Leslie said to her

paralegal. “I’ll check messages later and get back to you on

anything urgent.”

“Finally taking a few hours off? You’ve been back a month and

I think you’ve been in here every day.” Stephanie Þ xed her with a

reproachful frown and lowered her voice. “Weren’t you supposed to be

trying something new? Like taking it easy now and then?”

Leslie leaned both hands on Stephanie’s desk and whispered back,

“I have been taking it easy. I’m out by eight every night.”

Stephanie shook her head. “That’s not exactly cutting back.”

“I feel Þ ne. I’ll be in court.”

“Wait!” Stephanie quickly scanned her calendar. “I don’t have you

down for anything. Did I forget something?”

“No.” Leslie shouldered her briefcase and started toward the door.

“I want to check out the competition.”

“What—”

Without looking back, Leslie waved a hand goodbye and

disappeared down the hall. Forty minutes later she slipped quietly

into the back row in a courtroom at the federal courthouse. She took

a seat behind a fairly large gentleman and made notes on another case

while listening to testimony with half an ear, absently noting that the

state’s attorney was knowledgeable and his questions sharp. She’d

been up against him once, and that had not gone so well for him. She

smiled at the memory. The young attorney representing the corporation

accused of venting waste runoff into an unsecured drainage system and

contaminating a nearby river also seemed on top of his game.

• 217 •

RADCLY fFE

Twenty minutes after Leslie arrived, the door opened again and

Dev walked in. Leslie shifted a little so that Dev would not see her

as she strode down the center aisle. She didn’t want to disturb Dev’s

concentration. Her own was shot to hell the second she saw Dev, so

she quietly slid her notes into her briefcase and settled back to watch.

Dev sat two rows behind the plaintiff’s table, and Leslie had a good

view of her in proÞ le. Dev had dressed for court in a dark suit and pale

shirt. Her chestnut hair had been trimmed to just above her collar, and

it curled very subtly at the ends. She had that tanned, healthy gleam

that women who worked outdoors often had, but beneath it, she seemed

tired. And a little thinner. She was so damn beautiful, and Leslie drew a

long slow breath to calm the butterß ies in her stomach.

When the state’s attorney called Dev to testify, Leslie positioned

herself so that the gentleman in front of her shielded her enough that

Dev was not likely to see her. Witnesses were usually instructed to look

only at the jury or the questioning attorney during testimony. They

rarely scanned the audience. Leslie could hear Dev, and she did not

need to see her to know exactly how she looked as she answered. Hazel

eyes intent, her handsome face honest and passionate.

The state’s attorney had indeed gotten smarter with his questioning,

but Dev was an ideal expert witness and made the attorney look better

than he actually was. Dev reduced difÞ cult science to understandable

concepts and made human arguments that were guaranteed to sway

the jury. Her personality alone was a signiÞ cant added beneÞ t to her

value as an expert defending the river and its inhabitants. Knowing

Dev, Leslie knew that none of her answers were calculated, but what

she truly believed.

When the corporation’s defense attorney began his crossexamination with a belligerent tone, Leslie shook her head, feeling sorry

for him. She edged over slightly so she could see Dev’s face as Dev

countered every vehement challenge in a calm, reasoned fashion. Then,

after a particularly sarcastically phrased question from the attorney,

something in Dev’s face changed. Her eyes glinted, and the bold planes

of her face grew stronger. Leslie held her breath.

Dev leaned forward and regarded the attorney as if he had just

made the most ridiculous statement she’d ever heard. Then she inclined

her body toward the jury and moved the microphone a half inch closer

to her face, even though her voice carried well without it. The jury

• 218 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

clearly hung on her every word at this point, waiting for whatever

critical statement she was about to make.

“What you have to understand,” Dev said, her eyes seeming to

meet those of every juror, “is that Þ sh are people too.”

Leslie bit her lip to stiß e her exclamation, grateful that she wasn’t

the one going up against Dev. It was apparent that every single member

of the jury believed every word Dev said. The corporation might as

well have been dumping nuclear waste into their backyards, because

that was how they now thought of those contaminated waters. Dev had

made it personal for them with the elegant strength of her conviction.

Leslie hated when the opposing team used her own strategy against her,

and she’d never seen it done better. The questioning attorney appeared

to share her assessment and hastily concluded his crossexamination.

When Dev Þ nished her testimony and stepped down from the

witness box, she hesitated for a second, her head tilted as if she were

listening to someone speaking, although the room was quiet. Then she

resumed walking, her gaze lasering to Leslie.

Leslie nodded hello, waiting anxiously for a response. Then

Dev smiled, the same smile of welcome she had greeted Leslie with

a thousand times before. It had always made Leslie feel beautiful and

special, and it still did.

v

Dev checked her watch and tried not to Þ dget. It had already been

late in the afternoon when she’d Þ nished testifying, so she knew court

would adjourn at any minute. She wanted to verify that she wouldn’t be

recalled to testify, and then she wanted to Þ nd Leslie. The Þ rst glimpse

of her after a month of thinking about her had nearly stopped Dev in her

tracks. At Þ rst she’d thought it was some kind of hallucination brought

about by the fact that she’d done nothing on the three-hour train ride

but replay every conversation with Leslie she’d ever had. Fortunately,

she knew the details of the case thoroughly and hadn’t needed to review

them, because the closer she came to New York City, the more her

concentration had waned. Just knowing she was going to be in the same

city as Leslie made her blood hum. She knew it was crazy, but she

couldn’t stop it.

Then to actually see her, sitting in the courtroom so calm and

• 219 •

RADCLY fFE

composed with her perfectly styled hair and subtle makeup and

fashionable suit, had pretty much thrown her off the tracks. She had to

talk to her. Just talk to her. Friends could do that, right? That was normal.

But the churning in her stomach that felt like hunger but wasn’t—that

wasn’t normal. The way her skin tingled, shimmering like the air just

before a huge bolt of lightning dispelled the pent-up electricity in the

midst of a storm—that wasn’t normal.

Dev studied her hands, clasped loosely in her lap. They were

trembling.

None of this was normal. She was deluding herself, again. But it

didn’t matter, she still had to see her. Just—see her.

“Great job,” the state’s attorney murmured, jolting Dev back to the

present. She looked around and saw that the jury box was empty and

the crowd in the courtroom dispersing. Turning rapidly she searched

the room behind her, but the aisle was already Þ lled with people Þ ling

out. She couldn’t see Leslie.

“Will you need me again?” Dev asked briskly.

“Shouldn’t. If you can hang around until noon tomorrow, I’ll call

you to let you know for sure. I assume you’ll be staying in the city?”

“Yes. I’m at the Hilton at Fifty-fourth and Sixth.”

“What do you say we have some dinner. I think we can safely

celebrate. You really nail—”

“Ah, thanks, no,” Dev said, sidestepping into the central aisle. “I

appreciate it, but I’ve got another appointment. Call me and let me

know about tomorrow.”

“All right. Thanks again!”

The aisle was clearer now, and Dev pushed hurriedly through the

double doors into the hallway beyond. It was empty, and the pain of

disappointment was so sharp she gasped. Dazed, uncertain now that she

had even seen her, Dev mechanically pushed the down button on the

elevator, stepped in, and rode to the lobby.

She was halfway to the front doors when she heard her name.

“Dev?”

Spinning around, Dev saw her standing off to the side beneath a

marble archway. She stared for a heartbeat and then another, and when

Leslie didn’t disappear, she cautiously approached her.

“Les?”

“Hi,” Leslie said, smiling almost shyly.

• 220 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“What are you doing here?”

“My mother told me you were coming down to testify, so I

thought I’d do a little reconnaissance and see what kind of ammunition

the other side was using.” Leslie brushed her hair away from her face,

a nervous gesture that was totally unlike her. She’d never actually been

alone with Dev when she’d been aware of what was between them. Not

when there hadn’t been insurmountable barriers keeping them apart.

She hadn’t been this keyed up around anyone ever, not Mike on their

Þ rst date or Rachel the Þ rst time they’d made love. The only person

who had ever made her feel anything like this buzzing excitement had

been Dev, years ago, and she’d failed to recognize what it meant then.

But she knew now. “You know, Þ eld research.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Dev couldn’t hide her foolish grin. She felt just about

as dizzy as she used to when she was sixteen and she’d leave school

later than everyone else because she’d had detention for showing up

late or smart-mouthing a teacher and Leslie would be waiting for her.

All her anger and resentment would fade at the Þ rst sight of Leslie’s

smile. Dev leaned her shoulder against the marble pillar, a wisp of the

cocky teenager she’d been in her stance. “So, Counselor. What do you

think?”

Leslie edged closer, as if she were drawn by a magnet and helpless

to resist the pull. She did just barely manage to resist slipping her hand

beneath the edge of Dev’s jacket and touching her. But her Þ ngers

quivered with the need for contact. Her voice came out breathy, but she

couldn’t control that either. “I thought you were fabulous. If I ever see

your name on an expert list, I’m recommending we settle.”

Dev laughed, knowing Leslie was playing with her. It felt so good.

So good to tease with her again. She used to think it was the lake that

created the magic around them, that made the rest of the world fade

away so there was only the two of them. Maybe she’d been wrong,

because they couldn’t be farther from the lake than they were right now

and she felt it still. The magic. Watching the happiness light Leslie’s

eyes, she felt the dream tremble and surge back to life.

“Let me take you to dinner,” Leslie said quickly. “You’re not

going right back, are you?”

If she had intended to go home, Dev would have changed her

plans immediately. She shook her head. “I’m here until tomorrow.”

“Where are you staying?”

• 221 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev told her, lifting her overnighter. “I should probably go check

in now.” She didn’t move, loath to let Leslie out of her sight. “I could

meet you somewhere?”

“Why don’t I go with you?” Leslie said, having difÞ culty thinking

clearly when every nerve in her body was jangling. Since her mother

had told her a week before about Dev’s upcoming trial and she’d tracked

down the details, she’d anticipated seeing Dev. As the day had drawn

closer, her anxiety—part excitement, part uncertainty—had climbed

exponentially to the point where she could barely sleep. Now Dev was

here, and she wasn’t wasting a minute of their time together. “We can

walk to dinner somewhere from your hotel.”

“Sure. That sounds great.” Dev thought anything sounded great

as long as she could spend the evening with Leslie. Like an addict who

knew she would wake up bathed in the clammy sweat of remorse and

regret in the morning but who nevertheless downed the next drink or

shot the next line or laid down the next bet, Dev reached for Leslie’s

hand. She didn’t care how much it hurt tomorrow. Tonight the wounds

that never completely healed would fade for a few merciful hours.

“Let’s go.”

Still holding Dev’s hand, Leslie hailed a cab and they climbed

into the backseat. Their thighs brushed as the cabbie swerved through

rush-hour trafÞ c with the reckless abandon of a man with a death wish.

At one point the cab jerked so violently that Leslie was thrown into

Dev, and Dev automatically curved her arm around Leslie’s shoulders.

Leslie wrapped her arm around Dev’s waist to steady herself. When the

cab resumed a somewhat smoother course, Leslie didn’t move away.

Dev stared straight ahead through the windshield, but she wasn’t

watching the trafÞ c or the street signs. She wasn’t aware of anything

except Leslie leaning against her and the pressure of Leslie’s arm

wrapped around her middle. Her heart was pounding, or maybe that

was Leslie’s. Blood thundered through her chest, heat kindled in the

depths of her abdomen, and she shivered as waves of arousal rolled

through her. She stroked Leslie’s arm and her Þ ngertips burned.

“I can’t do this, Les,” Dev whispered, realizing that unlike the

addict, she had no tolerance for her addiction. The pleasure would

destroy her long before morning. “I thought I could. But I can’t.”

“Do what?” Leslie murmured, following the pulse rippling along

Dev’s neck through heavy lids. Her body felt tight, like ripe fruit ready

to burst in the sun.

• 222 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I can’t be this close to you.” Dev shuddered as Leslie smoothed

her palm in a gentle circle over the center of her stomach.

“You’re shaking.” Leslie drew away, searching Dev’s face

anxiously, her heart clenching at the agony in Dev’s dark eyes. “Oh,

God, Dev, what’s wrong?”

“I thought I could be friends. Spend time with you, like friends.”

Dev’s voice cracked, and she swallowed hard. “I can’t. Not now.” She

edged away on the seat but it wasn’t far enough. Two hundred miles

hadn’t been far enough to stop wanting her. Two thousand wouldn’t be.

“I’ll need to pass on dinner.”

“Hilton,” the cabbie grunted as he rocketed the cab into the

turnaround and slammed to a halt.

Leslie ignored him, her eyes on Dev. “I’m coming up with you.

We’ll just talk. Please, Dev.”

Leslie was hurting, Dev could hear it. And she thought if she had

to watch the cab drive away with Leslie inside, she’d end up howling

like an animal with its leg caught in a trap. She couldn’t let her go and

she couldn’t be near her without dying by inches. But given the choice

between two miseries, she’d choose the one thing she’d always craved.

Leslie.

Wordlessly, Dev nodded and got out of the cab. While Leslie

paid the cabdriver, Dev walked around and opened Leslie’s door, then

extended her hand. Leslie’s Þ ngers closed around hers, and the charge

of ß esh on ß esh almost rocked her back on her heels.

How could she say no? She could more easily stop her own heart

from beating.

• 223 •

• 224 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Dev glanced over her shoulder impatiently while the hotel

receptionist ran her credit card and programmed her room

key. Leslie was still there, waiting in the lounge area adjacent to the

front desk. Leslie seemed perfectly composed, sitting with her shapely

legs crossed, one arm resting along the curved edge of the upholstered

armchair, upper body angled so that she faced in Dev’s direction. Dev

was anything but composed. She needed something to settle her down—

a cigarette, a drink, something—but she didn’t smoke and rarely drank

more than a glass or two of wine and the something that she needed was

Leslie. God, she needed her.

“Here you are,” the receptionist said with a smile. “Enjoy your

stay, Dr. Weber.”

“Thanks,” Dev said, waving off the bellman as she stuffed the

paperwork into her jacket pocket. With the plastic key card in one hand

and her overnighter in the other, she strode over to Leslie. “All set. I can

take my things upstairs and be down in Þ ve minutes if you want to wait

here. We can go out to dinner right away, if you’re hungry.”

Leslie stood, shaking her head. She slid the key card from Dev’s

hand and slipped her palm into its place. “Let’s go upstairs.”

“Okay.”

It was a mistake, Dev knew it. But she couldn’t imagine sitting

across from Leslie in a restaurant, pretending she was hungry or trying

to make casual conversation. At least in her hotel room she would be

spared the social charade. They rode upstairs to the tenth ß oor in silence,

their shoulders touching as they made room for other guests. Leslie

kept her hand in Dev’s the entire ride, their Þ ngers loosely entwined.

• 225 •

RADCLY fFE

Dev found the room, set her luggage down, and held out her hand

for the key card Leslie still carried. “Okay?”

“Yes. Very,” Leslie murmured, thinking that if Dev didn’t open the

door and get them inside soon, she wouldn’t be responsible for what

happened out in the hall. Dev looked so worried, so unsure, and Leslie

hated to see her that way. It was her fault, she knew it. Dev had always

been there for her, always clear about what she felt, always waiting for

Leslie to understand. And now Dev didn’t trust her.

Leslie was struck with a sudden stab of fear that maybe Dev had

Þ nally stopped waiting and moved on. Maybe her reluctance in the cab

hadn’t been because she didn’t trust Leslie’s feelings, but because she

was no longer available. Leslie panicked, unable to imagine what she

would do if she lost Dev now. “Hurry, Dev.”

Surprised by the urgency in Leslie’s voice, Dev sliced the card

through the lock slot, cranked the handle, and shoved the door open

with her shoulder. She kicked her overnighter into the room while

holding the door for Leslie to enter. She ß ipped the wall switch just

inside the door, lighting a small bedside lamp that suffused the room

with muted light. The heavy ß oral drapes on the window were closed.

Besides the king-size bed and entertainment console opposite it, there

was a small sitting area with a sofa, coffee table, and desk.

Dev took it all in at a glance as the door swung closed behind her,

leaving her to face Leslie, who waited a few feet away. Leslie took one

step toward her, the expression on her face one that Dev had never seen

before. Her lips, shining and moist with pale gloss, were slightly parted

and curved tenderly at each corner. Her blue eyes, shimmering like lake

water in the sunlight, were Þ xed intently on Dev’s. A rush of heat swept

through Dev so quickly she caught her breath and backed up a step,

as if she could escape. Her back hit the door and she lifted her hands,

palms up, helplessly.

“Don’t, Les.”

“Why not?” Leslie murmured, running a Þ ngertip along the edge

of Dev’s jacket.

“I can’t take it,” Dev whispered. “I miss you so much, and I want

you so badly.”

Leslie slipped both hands beneath Dev’s jacket and traced the

ridges of Dev’s collarbones, leaning her lower body lightly into Dev.

Dev’s body was rigid, but still Leslie sensed the barely restrained

• 226 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

hunger, and she wanted it. God, how she wanted Dev to still want her in

the delirious, boundless way she had before. She wanted it like nothing

else in her life. “I miss you too. Terribly. Kiss me, Dev. Please.”

“You’ll break me,” Dev warned hoarsely. “If I kiss you, I won’t

stop. Not this time. I can’t.”

“I don’t want you to stop.” Leslie caressed one hand up the side

of Dev’s neck and behind her head, curling her Þ ngers into Dev’s hair.

She pulled slowly, easing Dev’s head back as she pressed her lips to

Dev’s throat. “I don’t want you to stop until you’re inside of me where

you belong.”

Dev made a sound that was part groan, part sob, her hands ß at

against the door, Þ ngers ß exed against the metal. If she let go, if she

touched her, she was afraid of what she might do. She wanted her,

had wanted her since she was old enough to recognize her desire for a

woman. And all the years of denial had honed her craving until it ran

dangerously close to the wild part of her that functioned from primal

memory, when mating dictated survival, not pleasure. She wanted Leslie

beyond civilized reason, because without her, some essential part of her

would die. She understood then why the great beasts tore and slashed

their mates in the frenzy of joining. The same need scorched through

her with unrelenting ß ame and fury. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

Laughing, eyes bright with exultation, Leslie pressed hard against

her. Her full breasts tensed with arousal. Her hips rolled in a slow

rhythm of invitation. She tightened her Þ ngers in Dev’s hair and slid

her other hand around to Dev’s back. She set her nails into ß esh through

the thin fabric of Dev’s shirt, claiming her. “You won’t. You can’t. I

love you. I want you to take what’s yours.”

Leslie punctuated each word with her teeth on Dev’s neck, leaving

marks, not caring. She hadn’t known. All these years she hadn’t known

what passion was, what desire was, what belonging meant. She was

liquid with desire, her need simmering like lava buried for millennia

and Þ nally streaking a path to freedom. “I need you so much, Dev,

please, please. God, come to bed with me.”

Dev couldn’t breathe. Leslie was all over her, stroking her,

exciting her, reaching inside and throwing open the bars on the passion

she’d kept caged all her life. She hurt. Her body quivered. A terrible

pressure Þ lled her chest and belly, threatening to explode. “Rachel…

what about—”

• 227 •

RADCLY fFE

“Gone.” Leslie wrapped both arms tightly around Dev, her hands

raking Dev’s back. “I left her. I had to.” She tilted her head back, face

suffused with need, eyes pleading. “I want you. Help me, Dev. Touch

me.”

Dev drew a breath, and another, each sweeter than the last. The

painful pressure eased, replaced by pleasure. The beast was free, still

Þ erce, but no longer hunted. No longer haunted. For the Þ rst time, she

welcomed her passion.

“I love you,” Dev whispered, cradling Leslie’s face as gently as if

she were holding a newborn bird. She brushed her mouth over Leslie’s,

soft as a feather. “I’ve always loved you.”

Eyes closed, Leslie offered her throat. “Forgive me.”

Dev kissed her throat, the hollow at the base of her neck, the V

bared by the open collar of her blouse. “There’s no need. Not now.

Not then.” She opened Leslie’s blouse, one button at a time, her hands

shaking. Carefully, she teased the bottom from beneath the waistband

of Leslie’s skirt until Leslie’s abdomen was bare and the satin cups of

her bra exposed. Dev splayed her hands over Leslie’s breasts and Leslie

sagged against her.

“I’ve dreamed of this,” Dev murmured, teasing Leslie’s nipples

into erection. “I’m going to touch you everywhere.”

“I’ve never been this excited,” Leslie warned her breathlessly. “I

feel like I’ll come right away.”

“It’s okay if you have to. The Þ rst time.” Dev skimmed her tongue

over the surface of Leslie’s lower lip, then sucked gently. “I’m going to

make love to you all night.”

“I need you to.”

Dev kissed her again, tugging her nipples as she danced her tongue

over the warm inner recesses of her mouth. Leslie’s breasts seemed

to swell and Þ ll her hands, stretching the sheer fabric tightly over her

tense nipples.

“Ready for bed?” Dev whispered, her mouth against Leslie’s

ear. Dev’s thighs and abdomen ached from holding back, from going

slow. The sounds Leslie made, the way she shivered as Dev plucked

on her nipples, the insistent rocking of her hips against Dev’s crotch

were making Dev crazy. She wasn’t sure she could hold out until Leslie

touched her.

• 228 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie moaned and pressed her forehead to Dev’s shoulder. “Yes.

Please, now.”

Hands linked, mouths searching for quick kisses, they stumbled

to the foot of the bed. Arms entwined, they freed buttons and lowered

zippers and shed shoes and clothes until they were nearly nude.

“Let me,” Dev said as Leslie reached to unhook her own bra.

Leslie let her hands fall to her sides, clad only in her bra and pale

silk bikinis. Her stomach was ß uttering with arousal, her breasts almost

painfully engorged. Her breath had ß ed at the Þ rst brush of Dev’s hands

on her skin, and she’d never recaptured it. “Oh, yes.”

Dev, naked except for her briefs, slid her Þ ngertips beneath the

thin straps of Leslie’s bra and eased them down over her shoulders. She

dipped her head and kissed Leslie’s breasts, Þ rst one, then the other,

moving down the smooth curves as she lowered the bra, millimeter by

millimeter, until Leslie’s nipples were exposed. Rapidly opening the

clasp, Dev freed Leslie’s breasts completely and sucked a nipple into

her mouth. Leslie cried out, her knees buckling.

“I’m so excited, Dev,” Leslie moaned, clutching Dev’s shoulders.

“I feel like I might come.”

“Let it happen,” Dev whispered around the hard nub, refusing

to release her. She pressed one hand ß at against Leslie’s stomach,

sweeping her Þ ngers in a slow steady arc, tightening inside as Leslie’s

hips thrust in the air. Keeping one arm Þ rmly around Leslie’s waist, she

pushed lower, dipping her Þ ngers beneath the edge of Leslie’s panties,

sucking harder. First one nipple, then the other.

Gasping, Leslie covered Dev’s hand as it circled beneath the damp

silk. “Oh, don’t touch my clit. You’ll make me come.”

“I want to,” Dev growled, her mind a red haze. Leslie was hers

now. Maybe just for these few moments, but she was Þ nally hers. “I

want you to come. I want to hear you come.”

“I will, I promise.” Leslie didn’t recognize her own voice. Her

body was spinning out of control. It was wonderful. It was terrifying.

“I’ll come for you. I will. But I need to see your face, Dev. I need to see

you when I come. Please.”

Dev heard what sounded like fear and Þ nally raised her head.

Leslie’s eyes were nearly closed, her lips trembling. Her face and neck

were ß ushed, her breasts heaving. She was seconds from coming. The

• 229 •

RADCLY fFE

heat from Leslie’s center beckoned and Dev ached to drive into her,

drive her over. Take her hard and deep. She wouldn’t hurt her, she

knew she wouldn’t. She would be inside her at last and Leslie would be

coming for her. For her.

“Let’s lie down,” Dev said hoarsely, easing her Þ ngers from beneath

Leslie’s panties. She guided Leslie to the side of the bed and yanked

down the covers with one hand. She kicked out of her underwear as

Leslie stretched out. Carefully, she slid Leslie’s bikinis down her legs

and settled beside her, one thigh over Leslie’s. The touch of Leslie’s hot

skin against her tense clitoris made her want to come. She fought not to

Þ nish herself off against Leslie’s leg, even though it would only have

taken a second. Instead, she held very still until she mentally pushed

back her body’s demand to climax. Leslie’s eyes were hazy, her legs

twitching on the crisp white sheets, her hands restless and urgent on

Dev’s back. She whimpered, words beyond her.

“Take my hand, baby,” Dev urged.

Leslie gripped Dev’s wrist.

“Take me inside, Les,” Dev pleaded. “Take me inside and come

for me.”

Barely breathing, eyes Þ xed on Leslie’s, Dev kissed her. Dev

moaned as Leslie guided her Þ ngers between her legs. Leslie was wet,

warm, open. At the Þ rst light touch of Dev’s Þ ngertips to the hard

prominence of Leslie’s clitoris, Leslie’s head snapped back and she

cried out.

Dev gritted her teeth at the surge of pressure in her groin. She

wouldn’t come, not yet. “More. Please, Les. Take me deeper.”

“Oh, I am going to come,” Leslie keened, thrusting onto Dev’s

Þ ngers.

“Baby, you feel so good,” Dev said.

Leslie caught her lower lip between her teeth, her eyes wide, the

blue eclipsed by black as her pupils expanded wildly. She pushed Dev’s

hand lower, squeezing Dev’s wrist hard enough to leave the crescent

indentations of her nails in Dev’s skin. Her back arched as Dev entered

her completely. The sweet pleasure of Dev’s palm caressing her, of her

Þ ngers stretching and Þ lling her, was too much.

“I’m coming,” Leslie groaned.

Dev held her breath, watching Leslie’s face, feeling her spasm

deep inside, listening to her cries of pleasure. She wanted to laugh. She

• 230 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

wanted to cry. She wanted to shout with wonder. Leslie clung to her,

sobbing quietly, and Dev buried her face in the curve of Leslie’s neck.

“I love you,” Dev whispered. “Oh God, Leslie, I love you.”

Weakly, struggling to catch her breath, Leslie stroked Dev’s back.

Seconds passed, and Leslie slowly realized that Dev was shaking, her

hips jerking against Leslie’s thigh.

“Dev. Let me help you,” Leslie murmured, sliding her hand

between her thigh and Dev’s body to cup Dev’s swollen sex. She hissed

in a breath when her Þ ngers were instantly soaked. “Oh God, you’re

beautiful. Tell me what you need.”

“Squeeze my clit,” Dev gasped. “I need to come so bad.”

Leslie stroked her Þ rmly, squeezing and releasing, feeling her

grow impossibly hard. “Is it good, love? Is it what you need?”

“Oh yeah,” Dev sobbed, “oh yeah, God yeah, you’re making me

come.”

Dev jerked in Leslie’s arms and her Þ ngers, still deep inside Leslie,

thrust and ß exed. Leslie cried out in surprise as another orgasm crashed

through her, but she stayed with Dev, stroking her through her orgasm

until she lay limp and panting in Leslie’s arms.

“Can you come again?” Leslie whispered, smoothing the damp

hair from Dev’s forehead. She kissed her, pleased by the hazy bliss in

Dev’s eyes.

“Uh, maybe. In a year or two.” Dev sighed. “Jesus, that was

intense.”

“Yeah?” Leslie smiled broadly. She had put that sated look in

Dev’s eyes, that lazy slur in her voice. She had done it, and she wanted

to do it again. Now. Immediately. “That was just the warm-up, you

know.”

Dev quirked a brow. “You want more?”

“Oh yes,” Leslie said, realizing just how much she wanted. “I

want much, much more.”

“I love you,” Dev said quietly.

“I know.” Leslie stroked her cheek. “I’m so sorry it took me so

long, Dev.”

“It’s okay,” Dev murmured, but she wasn’t so sure. In the morning,

they’d both return to their lives, and she wondered how she’d survive

being without Leslie after this.

“You look sad.” Leslie frowned with concern. “Dev?”

• 231 •

RADCLY fFE

“No.” Dev forced a grin. “Just gathering my strength.”

With a laugh, Leslie pulled Dev on top of her and wrapped her

legs around the backs of Dev’s thighs. “You’re plenty strong enough for

what I have in mind. Now, shut up and kiss me.”

Dev surrendered willingly to the siren call of Leslie’s desire. The

morning was at least a lifetime away.

• 232 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

When Leslie awoke, lying on her side with her breasts and

abdomen pressed against Dev’s back, the black plastic

bedside clock read 3:20 a.m. in big white numerals. She wasn’t entirely

certain, but she thought she’d been asleep for at least a few hours. The

last thing she could recall was coming endlessly in Dev’s mouth. At

the memory, she felt a trickle of arousal tease down her thighs. She

couldn’t believe she was still excited after coming…three times? Four?

She couldn’t remember. Each pinnacle of pleasure seemed to blend

into the next, one sweeping crest of ever-mounting beauty and wonder

after another. Smiling softly to herself, she kissed the curve of Dev’s

shoulder blade.

“Hey,” Leslie whispered into Dev’s ear as she slid her hand to the

front of Dev’s body and caressed her breasts. “You promised to make

love to me all night long.”

“Mmm?” Dev twitched and sighed, her nipples tightening beneath

Leslie’s insistent caresses.

“You,” Leslie said, holding back a laugh. “Promised.” She guided

Dev onto her back and straddled her hips. “To make love to me.” She

swept her palms over Dev’s breasts and down her abdomen, pressing

her thumbs into Þ rm muscle as she moved lower. “All. Night. Long.”

Leslie slipped her hand between Dev’s thighs and squeezed

gently.

Dev’s eyes popped open as her hips jerked. She groaned, her gaze

moving from Leslie’s nude body draped over her to the hand between

her legs. “Jesus.”

“Tired?” Leslie asked, her tone honey smooth.

• 233 •

RADCLY fFE

“No,” Dev said, reaching for Leslie’s breasts.

Leslie caught Dev’s wrists, one in each hand, and let her weight

fall forward to pin Dev’s arms to the bed. Her breasts brushed Dev’s

face before she arched her back just enough to keep her erect nipples a

breath away from Dev’s mouth. “Uh uh uh. No you don’t.”

“Come on, Les,” Dev rasped, struggling to lift her shoulders from

the bed. “Let me suck them.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Leslie said lightly, even though her

stomach quivered at the hungry look on Dev’s face. It was raw,

unvarnished lust, but she knew in her heart it was for her. Her. Not

anyone, not any body. It was her, her body, her touch, that Dev craved,

and she thrilled to the power. “You had your way all evening, and

then”—she leaned down and kissed Dev until they were both panting—

“you dropped the ball.”

Dev made a sound halfway between a groan and a growl. “I was

just letting you catch your breath.”

Leslie’s eyebrows rose. “Really.” She inched her hips higher until

her center rested on Dev’s stomach. She rotated slowly, rubbing over

Dev’s skin until the friction and heat made her clitoris pound painfully.

She rose and glanced down at the wet sheen on Dev’s taut stomach.

“Does that feel like I needed to rest?”

“No,” Dev gasped, her face contorted with thwarted pleasure. “I

was wrong. Jesus, let me touch you. I know you need me to.”

“Oh, you think?” Leslie struggled not to let her arousal show.

Seeing Dev’s desire for her was enough to make her wet, and the heat

pouring from Dev’s body as she writhed between Leslie’s thighs kept

her so hard she feared she’d climax from an accidental brush of her

clitoris over Dev’s skin. Her thighs trembled from keeping herself

poised just above Dev’s body. “It looks to me like you’re the one who

needs to come. Do you?”

“Yes. No. Later.” Dev tried to twist her arms from Leslie’s grip,

but besides the fact that Leslie’s full weight held her down, her allconsuming arousal made her weak. Her arms and legs shook and the

muscles in her stomach quivered. “Please.”

Leslie dipped her head and swept her tongue over Dev’s nipples.

Ignoring her own screaming arousal, she rubbed her sex up and down

the apex of Dev’s thighs. Dev was wet. So wet. “Please what?”

• 234 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Oh, Jesus,” Dev whimpered.

“Please what?” Leslie closed her teeth on Dev’s nipple, biting

down until Dev arched her back and cried out. “Hmm? What?”

Dev thrashed her head, Þ ghting for breath. “I don’t know. I don’t

know. God. I need you.”

I need you. Dev’s plea, so unguarded, so vulnerable, pierced

Leslie’s heart, and the heady sensation of control, of absolute power,

was instantly replaced by aching tenderness. She kissed Dev’s nipple,

then her mouth. “Shh, love, I’m here.”

Leslie released Dev’s wrists and rapidly pushed herself down the

bed until she lay between Dev’s thighs. She spread her Þ ngers over the

soft, smooth skin, her breath catching as her Þ ngertips glided through

the hot, slick patina of Dev’s desire. “Oh, you’re so wet.”

“For you,” Dev gasped.

“Yes,” Leslie breathed, skimming her lips through the fragrant

perfume. “Mine.” She rested her cheek between Dev’s legs, feeling

Dev’s excitement beat against her face. She turned her head a fraction

and kissed the pulse that throbbed in the center of Dev’s sex.

“So good.” Dev threaded her Þ ngers into Leslie’s hair. “That feels

so good. Suck me?”

Gently, Leslie pulled her between her lips, feeling her own body

grow tighter and tighter as Dev neared orgasm.

“Les,” Dev whispered shakily, “be inside me when I come.”

Leslie groaned, so aroused she feared she would ß y off in a

thousand directions before bringing Dev all the pleasure Dev had given

her. Leslie eased into her and felt the quick tightening of muscles as

Dev moaned.

“Okay, love?” Leslie murmured, her throat thick with tears. She’d

never wanted to give so much yet felt so inadequate at the same time.

“Oh yes.” Dev’s Þ ngers spasmed as she tried to stroke Leslie’s

face. Her voice thin with strain, she whispered, “I’m going to come if

you don’t…stop.”

“Too late,” Leslie laughed, taking Dev deep inside her mouth. At

the same time she Þ lled her and took her over, only stopping when Dev

Þ nally jerked away.

“Baby,” Dev groaned, “baby, you gotta stop. I surrender.”

Leslie leaned on an elbow and pushed her hair back from her

• 235 •

RADCLY fFE

face with her other hand. She grinned with satisfaction, watching Dev

Þ ght for breath. Dev was covered in sweat, her body gleaming in the

lamplight.

“You’re so beautiful, Dev.” Leslie stared at the scar that ran from

Dev’s hipbone down the outside of her thigh. She kissed the damaged

skin. “I love you.”

“Come up here.” Dev struggled to sit up, extending one hand. “Let

me hold you.”

“Lie down. You’re supposed to be basking.”

“I’ll bask when I can hold you.”

Leslie settled against Dev’s side, her head on Dev’s shoulder.

Languidly, she stroked Dev’s chest and abdomen. “You make me feel

sexy.”

Dev laughed incredulously. “I make you feel sexy? After that little

display? I didn’t do anything except let you have your way with me.”

“Mmm, that’s what I mean.” Leslie tilted her head and kissed

Dev’s neck. “I feel a hundred feet tall when I make you come.”

“I know,” Dev said, kissing Leslie’s forehead. “It’s the same for

me when I touch you.”

“It’s addicting.” Leslie propped her head in her hand, idly teasing

Dev’s nipple with a Þ ngertip. “I want you again.”

Dev hissed in her breath. “I might not survive the night.”

“You better.”

“Oh yeah?” Dev tapped Leslie’s chin. “Are you a morning girl?”

Leslie grew still, thinking that she really had no idea. She’d never

been this way with anyone. She’d never wanted so intensely, never

hungered with an ache that felt as if it would never be Þ lled. She’d

never wanted to possess anyone this way. “I think with you I’m a 24-7

kind of girl. Is that going to be a problem?”

“Not in this lifetime.”

Dev rolled onto her side until she faced Leslie. She kissed her,

and what she’d meant to be a kiss of reassurance rapidly turned into

one of desire. She kept kissing her as she slipped her Þ ngers between

Leslie’s legs, knowing she hadn’t come. Knowing she must still need

to. When Leslie moaned, Dev guided her onto her back, stroking inside

her mouth with the same sure, steady rhythm as between her legs.

Leslie whimpered, her tongue probing, her Þ ngers digging into Dev’s

shoulders.

• 236 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Feeling Leslie tense, her pelvis thrusting against Dev’s hand, Dev

slid inside her. She stayed motionless, buried deep within, letting Leslie

set the pace. As Leslie came, she jerked her head away, Þ nally breaking

the kiss and releasing a long, thin cry of pleasure.

“Oh God,” Leslie Þ nally gasped. “That’s it. You’re cut off until I

have food.” She nuzzled Dev’s neck drowsily. “We didn’t have dinner,

remember?”

“So you’re going to stand me up for food?” Dev grinned, kissed

Leslie lightly on the tip of the nose, and jumped from bed.

“Where are you going?” Leslie sat up, pulling the sheets up to her

waist. “Dev?”

Dev rummaged in the desk and returned with a leather folder in

her hand. She pulled the phone closer to the bed as she climbed back in

next to Leslie. “Room service.”

“Sweetheart, it’s four thirty in the morning.”

“So?” Dev found the menu and ß ipped to the all-night section.

“We’re in New York City. The kitchens never close.” She studied the

page as Leslie curled up in her lap. “How about burgers and champagne?

Will that do?”

“Dev,” Leslie said quietly.

“Hmm?” Dev curled one arm around Leslie’s shoulders and

propped the menu on her raised knee. “And maybe some chocolate

cake.”

“Do you think it’s possible for us never to leave this room?”

Dev laughed. “I can probably stay another night. I’ll call in the

morning about…” She trailed off and closed the menu. Her face lost all

expression. “When do you have to leave?”

“I’ve got appointments scheduled midmorning,” Leslie said. Her

heart beat wildly, not from passion, but from fear. It had only been a

few hours, a few hours of unexpected and indescribable happiness, and

now she felt it slipping away. “I’m going to have to go in sometime

today. Tomorrow. God, whenever it is. I’ll call Þ rst thing and try to

rearrange some of my meetings.”

“Leslie,” Dev said with a sigh. “You shouldn’t do that.”

Dev leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. The heavy

drapes were still closed, the bedside lamp turned down low. It was almost

dawn, but it felt as if they were cocooned in a time capsule, and if they

just stayed there, kept the door closed and the rest of the world outside,

• 237 •

RADCLY fFE

they could keep this precious connection safe. She knew it wasn’t true.

As much as her heart wanted to believe, she knew they couldn’t hide

from who they were or how vastly different their lives were. “We’ve

got a few more hours. Let’s just make the most of them.”

Leslie sat up and swiveled on the bed until she faced Dev. “And

that’s it? You go back to Lake George and we write this off as a onenighter that’s just Þ fteen years overdue?”

“Hey,” Dev said gently, cupping Leslie’s cheek. “You know that’s

not what this is.”

“No, Dev, I don’t.” Leslie shook her head. “I don’t know what

this is. I didn’t expect to be here tonight. All I know is I had to see you

because I couldn’t stop thinking about you for the last four weeks.”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I was seventeen years

old, Les.”

Leslie ß inched, but she kept her voice steady. “All right. I deserved

that.”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Dev pushed a hand through her hair.

“Jesus, this isn’t coming out right.” She took Leslie’s hand and rubbed

her cheek against the back of Leslie’s Þ ngers. “I haven’t wanted to

care about anyone since the night I drove away from your house on my

bike. I’ve been empty inside all this time. Except for how much I hurt

missing you.”

“Oh, God, Dev.”

“It’s okay.” Dev grinned crookedly. “Well, after tonight, it’s a hell

of a lot better than it ever was. I’ve never felt anything like tonight.

When we were kids and I was kissing you and Mike found us, I felt

like I did tonight. Like you were all I needed to be whole. You were

everything I needed, and then I lost you.”

Tears streaked down Leslie’s cheeks and Dev brushed them gently

away.

“When we made love tonight,” Dev said, her throat so tight she

could hardly get the words out, “I felt that way again. You Þ ll me up,

you heal everything that ever hurt.” Dev bowed her head over Leslie’s

hand, closing her eyes. “Tonight was worth any amount of pain, but

I can’t keep living day after day wanting you.” She raised her eyes,

unable to hide the agony of loss she knew was coming. “I’ll never

regret tonight, but I have to accept it was just one perfect night that

ends in the morning, or I’m not going to make it. I can’t keep living

while I’m dying for you.”

• 238 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie’s hands were shaking as she caressed her Þ ngers through

Dev’s hair, then cradled her face. She leaned close and kissed her. “For

a long time, I tried to pretend that you and I were just really, really good

friends. The best of friends.” She laughed, the sound ending in a sob.

“And oh God, we were, weren’t we? Friends and so much more. I was

so crazy in love with you back then.”

“Yeah.” Dev caressed Leslie’s arm. “Yeah, me too.”

“And after that horrible night with Mike, I couldn’t face my own

cowardice and I tried to hide it all away by pretending I didn’t feel

what I felt for you. And when I Þ nally did admit I was a lesbian, I still

wouldn’t let anyone be important to me. Not the way you were.”

“Rachel?”

Leslie shook her head. “I cared about her. But I didn’t need her

and I didn’t want her to need me. There were a few others, always the

same. I kept everyone a safe distance away.”

“When I saw you at the train station, it was like those Þ fteen years

didn’t exist,” Dev said. “When I kiss you, when we make love, I can

almost believe it, almost. But I know it’s not true. You have your life.

We both do. Different lives.”

“I just found you,” Leslie whispered. “I’m not going to lose you

again. I love you.”

Dev swallowed hard, trying to hold everything inside, but she just

couldn’t. Her body, her soul, her heart were too open after hours of

loving Leslie. She’d let her inside the places no one had ever touched

before, and now she was defenseless. She pulled Leslie close and buried

her face against Leslie’s neck, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Fuck, I’m so scared.”

“It’s okay,” Leslie soothed, stroking Dev’s head. “It’s okay, love.

I promise.” She wasn’t sure how she would make it all right, but she

knew she had to. “Will you just do one thing for me?”

Sitting up, Dev took a shuddering breath and rubbed her forearm

across her face. “Anything.”

“Let tonight be beautiful, because it is.” She kissed Dev tenderly.

“We both know what we had. Let’s see what we can have. Don’t give

up, Dev. Please.”

Dev closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Leslie’s. “Will

you call me?”

“Of course.” Leslie knew then that Dev didn’t trust her not

to disappear. And why should she? She’d done it before. More than

• 239 •

RADCLY fFE

once. “I’m coming back up to the lake in a month. If I can get back

sooner—”

“No, a month is good.” Dev raised her head, a smile ß ickering

valiantly. “I probably need a little time to get my heart rate back to

normal. And tell me you’re not busy here.”

Leslie sighed. “I’m swamped. But I can handle it—”

“Oh, yeah. You can handle it. That’s why you collapsed—what—

six weeks ago, from stress and overwork?”

“I’m Þ ne now,” Leslie said Þ rmly. “I am. Really. I’m taking the

goddamn pills.”

“No symptoms at all?”

“Dev, love, if I was going to have an episode, I would’ve had it

sometime tonight.” Leslie kissed Dev swiftly. “My heart’s had quite a

workout.”

Dev couldn’t hide a pleased grin. “All the same, you just got back.

I’ll see you in a few weeks and…we’ll see.”

“You’ll be there when I come up, right?”

Dev nodded.

“Promise?”

Dev held Leslie tightly and tried not to think it might be one of the

last times. “I promise.”

• 240 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Mom?” Leslie called as she walked into the dining room at

Lakeview and dropped her suitcase on the ß oor. “Anybody

here?”

“Leslie?” Eileen called from the top of the second-ß oor staircase.

Leslie stopped and craned her neck, smiling when she saw her

mother. “Hi.”

“You’re early,” Eileen said, her pleasure obvious as she descended

to the ground ß oor. “I didn’t expect you until tomorrow.”

“I got things wrapped up early this week and decided to come up

today.” She tried to sound casual and not like she couldn’t wait one

more day to see Dev, which was the real reason she’d left Manhattan

at noon on Thursday instead of waiting until Friday as planned. She

and Dev had talked on the phone a few times in the last month, but

their schedules rarely meshed and the conversations always seemed

rushed and superÞ cial. At least, she hoped it was because they hadn’t

had much time to connect. Dev had sounded distant, and there had been

no mention of the night they’d spent together. Or whether there would

be any more.

“Well, I hope you intend to actually rest this weekend. I’m not

going to let you work the whole time.”

“I’m still going to help close up. But,” Leslie hastened to add

when she saw her mother frown, “I promise to relax too.”

After giving Leslie a hug, Eileen pointed to Leslie’s luggage. “Do

you want a room upstairs since you’re only going to be here a few

days?”

• 241 •

RADCLY fFE

“Uh,” Leslie said, feeling her face color, “I’d rather have the same

cabin I had last time, if it’s available.”

“It’s quiet this weekend—all the kids have gone back to school—

so it’s empty.”

“Great.”

“Hungry?”

Leslie laughed. “As a matter of fact, I’m starved. Let me get

settled and I’ll come back and get a sandwich or something. Where’s

Daddy?” She scanned the great room where a few guests were seated,

but didn’t see him.

“He’s down at the dock with Dev.”

“With Dev?” Leslie’s breath caught in her throat and she knew

her mother noticed. “I mean, I thought at this time of day, she’d be at

the lab.”

“Does she know you’re coming?”

Leslie shook her head. “Not today.”

“She happened to be around when they were pulling one of the

boats out, and she and your father got talking about something to do

with Þ shing.” Eileen smiled. “Apparently Dev doesn’t Þ sh, but she

appreciates that the Þ shermen know more about Þ nding Þ sh in the lake

than anyone else. I think your father’s been regaling her with stories for

the last hour.”

As her mother talked, Leslie drifted toward the front windows. She

pushed the lace curtain aside and scanned the dock below the house.

Her father sat in a deck chair in front of the boathouse talking to Dev,

who leaned with a shoulder against the dark green clapboards, her legs

casually crossed at the ankles and her hands in her pockets. She wore

jeans and a red ß annel shirt and even from this distance, she looked so

sexy Leslie ached to get her hands on her.

“How’s Natalie?” Leslie asked.

Eileen joined her at the window and answered as if the question

hadn’t come out of nowhere. “Well, she always seems to be in great

spirits. It’s been busy this summer, so I take it between supervising the

campgrounds and keeping an eye on shenanigans out on the lake, she’s

been pretty busy.”

“So I guess you don’t see her too much.”

“Sweetie,” Eileen said gently, “why don’t you just ask Dev if she’s

seeing Natalie?”

• 242 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie hesitated. “Because I’m afraid of what she might say.”

“Would it be prying if I asked you about Rachel?”

“No,” Leslie said softly, still watching Dev. “We’re not seeing

each other any longer. I broke it off right after the Fourth of July.”

“Are you okay?”

“I think so. We ran into each other at a fundraiser a week ago and

spoke for a few minutes. She seemed…like Rachel.” The conversation

had been what she would have expected—brief, pleasant, totally without

intimacy. Rachel had been there with a date, although it probably

wasn’t obvious to most attendees that the leggy brunette who watched

Rachel’s every move was more than an acquaintance. But Leslie knew

the signs. It hadn’t bothered her, and she hadn’t expected it to. “I know

Natalie has a thing for Dev.”

“Mmm, maybe.” Eileen patted Leslie’s shoulder. “What matters,

though, is who Dev has a thing for.”

Leslie sighed. “I wish it were that simple.”

“Why isn’t it? You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

“Like crazy.”

“And if she feels the same way?”

“We’re completely incompatible,” Leslie said. “Our jobs,

our lifestyles, where we live. And Dev isn’t interested in a casual

relationship.”

“Are you?”

Leslie leaned her head against the window frame, thinking that

she’d only ever had casual relationships, no matter how long-term or

monogamous. They had been convenient, simple, and satisfying in a

limited way. She’d spent one night with Dev, whom she’d known far

better as a teenager than as an adult, and realized immediately that that

one night was more meaningful than all the other nights she’d spent

with other women. “I think she’s it for me.”

“Then you’d best get around to telling her that. She’s been jumpy

and distracted all summer, and I’m willing to bet it’s because of you.”

Eileen slipped her arm around Leslie’s shoulders and gave her a quick

hug. “Don’t wonder how she feels, sweetie. Just ask her.”

Leslie smiled. “Yes, Mom.”

v

• 243 •

RADCLY fFE

“If you want to Þ nd the big bass, you’ve got to go twenty miles

farther north than ten years ago,” Paul Harris complained. “And even

then, you won’t see the really big ones anymore.”

Dev nodded, her eyes on the woman making her way down the

grassy slope toward them. The late-afternoon sun had taken on the

amber hue of approaching autumn, and Leslie, with her softly layered

blond hair, pale silk blouse, and navy slacks, looked radiant.

Following Dev’s gaze, Paul twisted in his chair, then grinned.

“Hey, look who’s here.”

Leslie smiled as she leaned down to kiss him. “Hi, Daddy. How’s

your leg?”

“One more week,” he said, thumping his walking cast. “Pretty

good timing, huh? Just missed closing up.”

“Very smart of you.” Leslie squeezed her father’s shoulder but her

attention was on Dev. “Hi.”

Dev pushed away from the wall, her heart thundering so loudly she

felt as if she were in an echo chamber. “Hi. I thought tomorrow—”

“I know. I couldn’t…I got a break.”

“That’s good.” Dev knew she was barely making any sense, but

she hadn’t expected to see Leslie for another twenty-four hours. She

wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready for the body blow that just being near

Leslie always produced. She felt shaky, a little light-headed, and hot.

Her skin was hot. She was hot inside. She was burning, and Leslie was

the cool, cool water she needed to soothe her, inside and out.

“Mom said you were talking about Þ sh.”

“Yes.”

“How’s the work going?”

“Pretty much done.”

Paul looked from one to the other, his expression curious. He

maneuvered himself out of his chair and into the nearby motorized cart

Leslie had insisted on getting for him earlier in the summer. “I’m going

to head on up to the house. See you for supper, Les?”

“Uh-huh. Probably.”

“Well,” he said, turning the key in the ignition. “I’ll see you

sometime this weekend, honey.”

For a few minutes, the motor drowned out the possibility of

conversation, and as the roar died off in the distance, Dev crossed the

dock to Leslie’s side.

“How have you been?”

• 244 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Fine, I’m Þ ne. You?”

“Good.” Dev grinned. “You look great.”

“Thank you,” Leslie said softly. “I’ve been watching you from the

house for about half an hour.”

“Yeah?” Dev leaned toward Leslie, her gaze skimming down her

body.

“I want to tear your clothes off.”

“Same here.”

“Should we talk Þ rst?”

Dev watched Leslie’s nipples tighten beneath the sheer blouse.

“No. Not until I’ve heard you come at least once.”

Leslie’s lips parted in surprised pleasure. “You like that, do

you?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve been putting myself to sleep for a month

remembering how you sound when you come in my arms.”

“Oh, that’s not fair.”

“I don’t last very long, thinking about it,” Dev murmured, watching

Leslie’s lids grow heavy.

“I’m not sure I can make it to the cabin.”

“Boathouse?”

Leslie took Dev’s hand and tugged her inside. The air was hazy

with heat and dust and thick with the scent of old wood and water. She

leaned against the wall in a dimly lit corner and dragged Dev against

her, her hands sliding down to grip Dev’s ass. “Do you have any idea

what you just did to me?”

“I want to make you so hot you’ll come if I just breathe on you.”

“Keep it up and it won’t take that much.” Leslie straddled Dev’s

lean thigh. “I’m so wet already.”

Dev tangled her Þ ngers in Leslie’s hair and kissed her roughly.

Every day for the last month, she’d told herself that Leslie would be

here, and while her mind had believed it, her heart had never been

quite sure. Now that Leslie was this close, all she wanted was to feel

that she was real. She sucked on the tip of Leslie’s tongue and fondled

her breasts, her hips pinning Leslie to the wall. Finally she pulled her

mouth away. “I’m not going to fuck you out here. But God, I want to.”

Leslie dug her Þ ngers into Dev’s tight butt. “You’ll make me come

just doing this.”

“Les,” Dev gasped, kissing her neck hungrily, unable to stop as

Leslie rode her thigh harder. “Someone might walk in.”

• 245 •

RADCLY fFE

“No. There’s no one…” Leslie turned her head and plunged her

tongue into Dev’s mouth.

Groaning, Dev pinched Leslie’s nipple, twisting in time to her

pumping hips.

“I’m going to come,” Leslie moaned, her head falling back against

the wall. “Oh Dev, God, I’m really coming.”

Dev felt Leslie’s knees buckle and grabbed her around the waist,

holding her up as she trembled, her face buried against Dev’s shoulder

to stiß e her cries. As Leslie’s orgasm trailed off, Dev cradled Leslie,

stroking her hair and her back.

“Okay, baby? You okay?”

“I’m totally humiliated.” Leslie laughed softly. “Talk about no

control.”

“You’re so sexy I thought my heart would stop.” Dev nuzzled

Leslie’s neck. “You’re beautiful when you’re like that. When you want

me.”

“Oh, Dev.” Leslie lifted her head and kissed Dev softly. “I want

you so much I can’t stand it.” She caressed Dev’s face. “And not just

like this, either.”

“We better try to get to the cabin.”

“Are you in a bad way?” Leslie asked teasingly, recognizing the

low, husky note in Dev’s voice.

“I’m afraid something is about to explode.”

“You got to hear me come.” Leslie nipped at Dev’s chin. “Let me

watch you.”

Dev sucked in a breath. “Here?”

Leslie stroked Dev’s breasts, then reached down and popped the

button on her ß y. “Yes. It makes me crazy thinking about you making

yourself come.”

“You’ve got me so hot, it’s going to take about two seconds,” Dev

whispered, bracing her arm against the wall next to Leslie’s shoulder.

She slid her hand into her jeans and groaned. “Touch me too. Just touch

me somewhere.”

“Whatever you need,” Leslie murmured, caressing Dev’s stomach

and thighs as Dev tensed, her arm vibrating between her legs. “Feel

good?”

“Uh-huh,” Dev managed between gritted teeth. The muscles in

her neck stood out and her thighs quivered as Þ re leapt in her belly.

“Oh, Jesus, I’m close.”

• 246 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

Leslie cupped the outside of Dev’s crotch, spreading her Þ ngers

over Dev’s where they circled beneath the denim. “Mmm, I can feel

you getting ready to go. You’re almost there, aren’t you?”

“Close,” Dev muttered, “soon, ah almost, Les.”

“Need help, love?” Leslie crooned, licking Dev’s neck.

“Push down on my Þ ngers.” Dev groaned as Leslie pressed

rhythmically. “Harder, baby. Harder…har…oh, oh yeah.”

Dev sagged against Leslie as her orgasm hit, and Leslie kissed her,

swallowing her cries of release.

“Beautiful,” Leslie sighed, cradling Dev’s face against her

shoulder, caressing her sweat-streaked cheek. “Thank you.”

“Same here,” Dev muttered, struggling to get her legs under her

again. She braced her arms against the wall once more and pushed

upright. Grinning, she kissed Leslie. “I think we’ve established we

missed each other.”

“It would seem that way.” Leslie had never felt anything quite so

perfect in her life, and she wasn’t ready to examine what that meant.

“And since I don’t want to be tempted again until we’re really alone…”

She zipped Dev’s ß y and buttoned her jeans. “There. Can you walk?”

“Just about.”

Leslie wrapped her arm around Dev’s waist. “Let’s go to your

cabin.”

“No fooling around on the way.” Dev circled Leslie’s shoulders

with one arm, holding her close. “I have a short recovery phase, and I’ll

be ready again soon.”

“I remember.” Leslie rubbed her cheek against Dev’s shoulder. “I

have a few favorite memories for use at bedtime too.”

Dev groaned. “See, you’re starting already.”

“Then we’d better hurry.”

When they reached the cabin, Dev went to the refrigerator and

extracted two India Pale Ales. She opened both and passed one bottle to

Leslie, who leaned against the counter nearby. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” Leslie sipped the beer. “Can I ask you something

personal?”

The corner of Dev’s mouth rose. “I think we’ve reached that

point.”

Unexpectedly uncertain, Leslie studied her beer bottle. “Are you

seeing anyone else?”

Immediately, Dev put her bottle on the counter and cupped

• 247 •

RADCLY fFE

Leslie’s chin. She lifted her face and looked directly into her eyes. “No.

I haven’t been with anyone except you for over a year.” She waited,

studying Leslie’s face. “Natalie and I are friends.”

“I had to ask,” Leslie said quietly. “Because if I think about you

with anyone else it makes me…pretty much insane.”

“I like that.” Dev kissed Leslie softly. “I like that a lot.”

“And I…”

Dev stopped her with another kiss, then eased away and retrieved

her beer. Still watching Leslie, she sipped. “When I was younger, I

tortured myself thinking about you with Mike. Last month, when

I thought about you with Rachel, it hurt so much I couldn’t even let

myself get that far. I guess that’s some kind of progress.”

“There’s no one, Dev. No one I want to touch me except you.”

“I love you, you know,” Dev said softly.

“I love you too. Madly. Do you have any idea what we’re going

to do?”

“No,” Dev replied, her expression suddenly unsure.

“Tell you what,” Leslie said, grasping Dev’s hand. “Let’s have

dinner with my parents, because they’ll want to see me and we’ll need

to eat if we’re going to do what I plan on doing for the rest of the

night.”

Dev grinned.

“And tomorrow, we’ll talk.”

“That means no touching, then.”

Leslie sighed. “I hope it doesn’t rain, because the only way I can

promise that is if we’re sitting outside in full view of my mother and

everyone else in the lodge.” And considering that just seeing Dev was

enough to make her mind melt, she wasn’t even sure an audience would

be enough deterrent.

• 248 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Do you think my mother will notice if I only show up for

meals?” Leslie laced her Þ ngers through Dev’s as they walked

through the woods toward the lodge for breakfast. “Considering that we

disappeared right after dinner last night?”

Dev tugged her to a stop at the edge of the clearing. “If we walk in

together again, and you still have that look on your face, your mother is

going to know what we’ve been doing all night.”

“What look?”

“That ‘I’ve just been fu—’”

“I do not have that look,” Leslie feigned indignation.

Dev dragged her off the trail and pinned her against a tree with the

weight of her body, her forearms on either side of Leslie’s shoulders.

“You do. Your eyes are soft and dreamy,” she kissed Leslie’s eyelids,

“and your lips are a little bit bruised,” she skimmed her tongue over

Leslie’s lower lip, “and it takes you a lonnng time to make sentences.”

She cupped Leslie’s breast and kissed her more seriously. “And you

keep sending me signals that keep me hard all the time.”

“Maybe I want you hard and hungry all the time,” Leslie murmured.

She returned the kiss vigorously, then abruptly pushed Dev away and

snuck out from underneath her arm. She was breathing hard and she

was wet again, and she was almost afraid to let Dev know how much

she wanted her every single second. “But I happen to be hungry for

pancakes.”

“Then try to behave while we’re in there,” Dev threatened, seizing

Leslie’s hand once more. “Because you’re driving me crazy.”

“Oh good.”

• 249 •

RADCLY fFE

“Have a heart. I don’t want your mother to see me whimpering

and drooling.”

“Why not? She knows we’ve got something going on.”

“She does?” Dev asked in surprise.

“Well, she knows I’ve got the major hots for you.”

“How?”

“Because I told her.”

Dev stopped again. “You did? When?”

Leslie dipped her head, suddenly shy. “More or less all summer. I

think she knew before I did how serious it was.”

“Serious, huh?” Dev circled Leslie’s waist and pulled her close.

She brushed her cheek against Leslie’s, then murmured in her ear,

“How serious?”

“Very.” Leslie wrapped her arms around Dev’s shoulders and

leaned her head on Dev’s shoulder as she watched the mist rise off the

lake and burn away in the early morning sunshine. “We’re never going

to make it to the lodge if you keep grabbing me.”

“Can’t help myself.” Dev stroked Leslie’s hair. “I’ve got a lot of

time to make up for.”

“Could take a while.”

“I know.”

“I’m hungry.”

Dev laughed. “I love you.”

“I love you. Give me a cup of coffee and something to eat and I’ll

show you just how much.”

“Last night you promised to help your father down at the

boathouse this morning.”

Leslie frowned. “I did? That must have been when I was fantasizing

about silk scarves and tying you—”

“Oh yeah. Sounds good.” Dev kissed her quickly. “But we don’t

have to do it all today. We’ve got time.”

“Do we?” Leslie asked softly.

“Remember our deal,” Dev said softly. “Food Þ rst, then go help

your father. We’ll talk this afternoon before we go back to the cabin.”

Leslie nodded seriously, wishing they could pretend just a little

while longer that this magic time would never end. “All right.”

“It will be okay, Les,” Dev said, but her eyes were troubled.

“I know,” Leslie said, wanting fervently to believe.

• 250 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

v

Dev leaned back on her elbows on the grassy slope, enjoying the

sunshine, the breeze off the lake, and the view. The best part of the

view was Leslie, cleaning and stowing gear under her father’s direction

down on the dock. She’d dressed for dirty work in cut-off blue jeans,

a faded T-shirt, and old sneakers. Dev hadn’t seen her look so casual,

or so relaxed, since their last summer in high school. Leslie was all

woman now, but her light laughter ß oating up the hill reminded Dev of

when they were kids and the summer seemed endless. For the Þ rst time,

the memories didn’t hurt.

As Leslie walked up the hill, she studied Dev with a quizzical

expression. “What are you thinking of?”

“You.”

To her surprise, Leslie felt herself blushing. They’d spent nearly

every minute since she’d arrived making love, and there hadn’t been a

place on her body Dev hadn’t touched. But the tender way she spoke

as she gazed at her—as if Leslie were the most beautiful woman in

the world—struck a chord far deeper than even the intense physical

passion they had shared. Leslie dropped down next to Dev and kissed

her on the cheek. “What about me?”

“I was just thinking that being with you now has given me back

some of the most important moments of my life.” Dev covered Leslie’s

hand with hers. “I feel like I’ve spent my whole life loving you.” She

met Leslie’s gaze. “And it’s all good, now.”

Leslie’s lips parted as her eyes quickly misted over. “Oh, Dev. I

don’t think I can stand not to be with you.”

With a sigh, Dev sat up and folded her arms on her bent knees.

“I’ve been offered a research position at the Freshwater Institute.”

“In Bolton?” Leslie said, picturing the lab only twenty minutes

away from her parents’ house. Three hours from Manhattan.

“Yes.”

“Is that what you want, though?” Leslie asked, Þ nding it hard to

believe that Dev would be happy working inside in a lab all the time.

“I wouldn’t take it unless they let me make my own schedule,

including time away for Þ eldwork.” Dev met Leslie’s gaze. “I’d be a

lot closer to you, then, most of the time.”

“But is it what you want?”

• 251 •

RADCLY fFE

“What I want, Leslie, is you.”

“What about…what I do?” Leslie asked softly. “You must hate

it.”

Dev shrugged, smiling slightly. “I’ve spent enough time as an

expert witness to know that the environmental protection laws aren’t

perfect. On some level, I understand what bothers you about them. And

why you defend people accused of breaking them.” She gazed out at

the lake, thinking about the schools of Þ sh that had been driven out by

pollution and misuse of the waterways. “But they’re the best we have,

so I have to work with them. I have to do what I can while there’s still

time.”

“And you don’t think that would eventually come between—”

“Greetings!” Natalie called, striding across the lawn toward them.

She was in uniform, and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and

tucked beneath a green cap with the forest service emblem on the

front. “Hi, Leslie. Dev said you were coming up, but I thought it was

tonight.”

“I came up a day early, as it happens.”

Natalie’s eyes ß ickered to Dev, and Leslie saw her expression

change to one of speculation. “Really. So how are you doing?”

“Fine. Great, actually,” Leslie said, leaning back slightly to look

up as Natalie stopped beside her. “How about you?”

Natalie squatted down with a shake of her head. “Ask me at

the end of this crazy weekend. It’s the last big rush until leaf season.

Everybody’s trying to catch the last little bit of summer.”

“I feel the same way, even if the lake is already too cold to swim.”

Leslie realized she wasn’t jealous, even though Natalie had probably

expected to Þ nd Dev alone. Dev was by her side, had awakened in

her bed, had called her name in the night. “I hope things stay quiet for

you.”

“They might,” Natalie said with a sigh, her eyes narrowing as she

stared down to the water. “If people would stop doing idiotic things

like that.”

Leslie followed her gaze. A tour boat, one of the broad, ß atbottomed sightseeing craft Þ lled with rows of deck chairs for people to

sit in while the boat made a slow circuit along the shoreline, lumbered

into view. It was packed with people, standing and sitting. More people

than Leslie could ever remember seeing in one of those boats.

• 252 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“I can’t imagine that’s very much fun,” Leslie said, “being

crammed together like sard—oh my God!”

“Jesus Christ!” Dev shouted, jumping up.

The boat tilted to one side and, in a fraction of a second, capsized.

Leslie, Dev, and Natalie raced toward the water as the panicked shouts

of the people who had been thrown into the lake seventy feet from

shore Þ lled the air.

“We need rescue boats in Bolton Landing by the Lakeview,”

Natalie shouted into her radio. “And paramedics. We’ve got people in

the water. At least two dozen.”

While Natalie was organizing the rescue, Leslie and Dev kicked

off their shoes and dove into the lake. Some people were already

straggling to shore but others were clearly in trouble, ß ailing in the

water and screaming. Leslie, her strokes hard and clean, swam past the

people who were close enough to make it to safety on their own. She

saw at least three people go under and not come up again. Dev was

close by, slightly behind her. Dev had never been as fast as Leslie in

the water.

Leslie reached the Þ rst ß oundering victim in less than a minute.

“Stop struggling and let me help you,” she shouted, treading water a

few feet away to avoid being struck by the man’s windmilling arms.

“I can’t swim,” he cried hoarsely, his eyes wild with panic. “My

wife. My wife. I can’t Þ nd my wife.”

“I’ll tow you to shore,” Leslie called, cautiously approaching.

“Let me grab your shirt. Don’t hit me.”

Her words seemed to penetrate his panic, because he relaxed

enough for her to get her arm over his shoulder from behind and under

his armpit. “Just relax and kick your feet. I’ll do the rest of the work.”

“My wife,” he gasped. “Please Þ nd my wife.”

When Leslie got him close enough to shore that he could stand

on the bottom, she let him go. Natalie and her mother and some of

the guests were helping people from the water. Leslie didn’t stop, but

turned and immediately swam back to the overturned boat. The whitepainted bottom glinted unnaturally in the sunlight. She dove, powering

down until she could peer around the side into what had been the open

passenger compartment. She’d hoped that air, and possibly survivors,

had been trapped beneath. There was nothing under the boat but a body

ß oating lazily to and fro. Swallowing back her horriÞ ed gasp, she kicked

• 253 •

RADCLY fFE

away and pumped toward the surface, gulping air when she broke free.

Then she grabbed the closest victim and started back toward shore.

“The boat’s here,” Natalie shouted, in water up to her waist, as

Leslie wearily guided an elderly woman into Natalie’s outstretched

arms.

“How many…how many more can you see,” Leslie gasped, her

arms and legs leaden. She’d lost track of the passage of time or how

many trips she’d made back out to the slowly sinking boat.

“Six or seven,” Natalie said. “You’re too tired, Leslie. Stay

ashore.”

But Leslie could still hear screaming. Ignoring Natalie, she turned

and plunged back into the water. She thought she saw Dev dragging an

unconscious man toward shore, but she wasn’t sure. On her next trip

back, she collapsed to her knees in the shallow water, struggling for

breath.

“Leslie,” her mother said urgently, “don’t go back out. You’re

ready to collapse.”

“Where’s…Dev,” Leslie rasped. “Is she…in?”

Eileen glanced anxiously around. The grass abutting the shoreline

was covered with victims, some unconscious, others moaning or crying.

The wail of sirens added to the chaos as paramedics raced down from

the parking lot. “I don’t see her. She must be here somewhere.”

A surge of adrenaline spurred Leslie upright, and, heart pounding,

she scanned the shore. Natalie was directing the paramedics toward the

most seriously injured. A few guests from the lodge were handing out

blankets, and her father was transporting the less injured up the hill in

his cart. But she didn’t see Dev. She spun toward the lake. Twenty yards

offshore she saw Dev laboring slowly with another struggling victim in

tow. As she watched, the woman ß ailed wildly and both she and Dev

went under the surface. Leslie dove back into the icy water.

Leslie pulled underwater, stroke after stroke. She was faster

underwater, and she didn’t need to see. She knew these waters, this

shoreline, this lake like she knew her own reß ection in the mirror. She

knew exactly where Dev was. Lungs screaming, she stayed under until

she reached Dev’s location. When she burst through the surface, she

circled frantically. “Dev! Dev!”

The rescue boat was only yards away and Leslie thought she

recognized the woman they pulled aboard. The one Dev had been

towing. Dev wasn’t there. Dev wasn’t anywhere. No. No no no. She

• 254 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

circled one more time, and suddenly Dev surfaced just beyond arm’s

reach. Her face was contorted with pain and even as Leslie’s heart

thrilled with elation, Dev slid beneath the water and did not come up.

JackkniÞ ng, Leslie plunged headÞ rst and reached her within seconds.

She grabbed Dev’s hand and dragged her up into the air.

Dev coughed and gagged as Leslie grabbed her shirt.

“You’re okay, sweetheart. You’re okay. I’ve got you,” Leslie

gasped.

“That…woman…lost her,” Dev wheezed. “Need to…look.”

“She’s okay. She’s in the boat. Can you swim? Dev! Can you

swim?”

Dev shook her head. “Cramp in my…hip. Can’t…”

“You hold on to me.” Leslie gripped Dev’s shirt so hard her

Þ ngers went numb. “You hear me? You hold on to me, and I’ll get you

to shore.”

Dev didn’t answer, but she did her best to help Leslie as Leslie

swam them both toward safety. Natalie waded out into chest-high water

to meet them and grabbed Dev around the waist.

“I’ve got her,” Natalie said.

Leslie kept swimming, her hold on Dev never loosening. She

didn’t feel the cold or the pain in her arms and legs or the burning in her

lungs. All she knew was that she would not lose Dev. Not ever again.

“Leslie,” Natalie shouted. “Let go. I’ve got her.”

Eileen joined Natalie and wrapped her arm around Leslie. “It’s all

right, sweetie. It’s all right. Let Natalie help you. Let go now.”

Natalie and Eileen dragged Dev and Leslie onto the bank.

Slumping down, shivering violently, Leslie pulled Dev into her lap.

She pressed Dev’s face to her breasts and wrapped her as tightly as she

could in her arms. Dev’s lips were blue, her face terrifyingly white.

“Dev, love, are you all right?” Leslie cried. She brushed Dev’s

hair from her face, stroked her cheek, kissed her forehead. “Dev?”

“I’m okay,” Dev gasped. “Les, I’m okay.”

Natalie draped a rescue blanket around Leslie’s shoulders and

another over Dev.

“It’ll be a while before we can get her to an ambulance,” Natalie

said. “They’re overloaded and transporting victims as fast as they

can.”

“Don’t need an ambulance,” Dev said, her teeth chattering. “Just

need to get warm.”

• 255 •

RADCLY fFE

“Go help the others, Natalie,” Leslie said, rubbing Dev’s back and

arms. “I’ll take care of her.”

Natalie smiled and brieß y touched Leslie’s cheek. “I know you

will. I’ll be back. You stay warm too.”

Leslie closed her eyes and cradled Dev, absolutely certain that

there was nothing else in the world she wanted except Dev. She closed

her eyes, Þ ghting to stay awake. The sound of an engine approaching

Þ nally roused her. Her father guided his motorized cart up next to

them.

“Can you get her up in here, honey? I’ll take you both up to the

lodge.”

Dev opened her eyes and met Leslie’s. “I can make it if you give

me a hand.”

“You bet,” Leslie said, kissing Dev softly on the mouth.

“Anytime.”

• 256 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

CHAPTER THIRTY

As soon as her father dropped Leslie and Dev off in front of

the lodge and hurried back down the hill to help transport

other injured, Leslie took Dev upstairs, raided her parents’ closet for

dry clothes, and led her into one of the empty guestrooms.

“Let me help you get your clothes off,” Leslie said, tugging Dev’s

shirt from her jeans.

“I got it,” Dev rasped. “You get undressed too. You’re shaking.”

“At least I’m not blue,” Leslie snapped, still remembering the

terror of watching Dev slide beneath the surface of the lake. “Oh, God,

I’m sorry.” She brushed a trembling hand over her face. “I was just so

scared.” She pulled Dev, wet clothes and all, into her arms and hugged

her close. “I was afraid I was going to lose you. I couldn’t bear it, Dev.

I just couldn’t.”

“It’s okay.” Dev wrapped her arms around Leslie’s waist and

rocked her. “We’re both okay.”

Still shaky, but immeasurably comforted by Dev’s rapidly returning

strength, Leslie leaned behind her to turn on the shower, keeping one

hand on Dev’s shoulder. “Let’s get warm, and then I’ll Þ nd something

for us to wear.”

Wordlessly, Dev stripped off the rest of her clothes and stumbled

into the steaming water, leaving the door ajar for Leslie to follow. For

long moments she leaned against the wall, not speaking, eyes closed,

her hand linked with Leslie’s. As the heat penetrated her body, her mind

cleared. With clarity came disbelief. The events at the lake seemed

like a surreal dream, a nightmare that had slid into her consciousness,

leaving indelible images of horror behind.

• 257 •

RADCLY fFE

“I still can’t believe it,” Leslie whispered, seeming to read Dev’s

mind.

“Neither can I.” Dev ß ung her hair back out of her face and met

Leslie’s eyes. “You’re amazing. I can’t even guess how many people

you just saved.”

Tears brimmed in Leslie’s eyes. “No more than you.”

Dev shook her head. “I never could swim like you. I think you

made two trips to my one. Jesus, Les. Are you okay?”

“I have no idea.” Leslie’s smile was brittle. “All I know is that

you’re here and that’s all that matters.”

“I love you,” Dev said, gently drawing Leslie back into her arms.

She rested her cheek against Leslie’s hair. “And it feels so good.”

“Better than anything in the world.” Leslie kissed the base of

Dev’s throat, then her mouth.

A few minutes later, dressed in borrowed pants and sweatshirts,

barefoot except for thick socks, Dev and Leslie went back downstairs.

Leslie carried another sweatshirt under one arm.

“The sun is going down,” Dev observed as she walked to the

front window. “It’s going to get cold pretty fast. Looks like they’ve got

almost everyone into the ambulances now.”

“Can you start a Þ re in the great room?” Leslie asked Dev. “I’m

going to take this down to Natalie and see if I can get my mother and

father to come inside. They’ve got to be freezing.”

“Tell Natalie she needs to take a break. Get her to come inside and

get warm too.”

“I will,” Leslie said, tugging on her mother’s rubber mud boots.

“I’ll be right back.”

By the time Leslie returned with Natalie, her parents, and a deputy

sheriff, Dev had a roaring blaze going, the heat and ß ames chasing

away the ghosts in her mind as well as the chill from her bones. While

Natalie, Eileen, and Paul went to change into dry clothing, the sheriff—

a short-haired blonde with the body of a rugby player who introduced

herself as Jules Kipling—asked Leslie and Dev for their account of

events. They were just starting the interview when Natalie, wearing

khaki pants that were six inches too long and a faded blue cable-knit

sweater, joined them.

“I’m Sergeant Natalie Evans, Park Service,” Natalie said to the

sheriff.

• 258 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Sergeant.” The sheriff nodded a greeting as Natalie sat down on

the couch next to Dev. “I suspect when things are all sorted out this will

fall under Park jurisdiction because it happened on the lake. Just the

same, I think we better consider it a joint investigation for now.”

“Fine,” Natalie said, studying the blonde. “I didn’t get your

name.”

“It’s Kipling.” The sheriff smiled as her eyes held Natalie’s just a

beat longer than absolutely necessary. “But you can call me Kip.”

Natalie ß ashed a weary grin. “Thanks. So shall we nail down the

facts before we’re too tired to remember the details?”

Jules Kipling took careful notes, as did Natalie, who wrote on a

borrowed tablet of paper that Leslie provided her from Eileen Harris’s

ofÞ ce. All three witnesses’ accounts were substantially similar. Forty

minutes later everyone agreed that further statements could be taken

the next day.

“How many didn’t survive?” Leslie asked quietly. When Dev

reached for her hand, she cradled it between hers, happy to feel the

warmth in her Þ ngers.

“Just one, thanks to all of you,” Jules said, “and the medics think

that might have been a heart attack.”

Eileen brought a second carafe of coffee into the living room

and set it down on the low table in front of the sofa and chairs where

everyone sat. “I should have food ready in just a few minutes.” She

glanced from Natalie to Jules. “You’re both welcome to stay. Something

warm would be good for you right about now.”

Natalie stood. “I appreciate it, but I need to get back to the ofÞ ce

and follow up with the paramedics and the hospital. Try to get the

identiÞ cation started and…notiÞ cation of families.”

“Mind if I tag along?” Jules Kipling said. “If I give you a hand it

will save us from duplicating efforts.”

“No, that would be great.” Natalie turned to Eileen. “Thanks for

the clothes. I’ll get them back as soon as I can.”

“There’s no rush. And don’t be a stranger here just because the

summer’s over.”

Natalie smiled. “Thanks. I’ll remember.”

As Natalie and Jules left, Leslie curled up next to Dev on the large

sofa, pulling a nearby throw over their legs, even though the room was

warm. “I’m still so cold. How are you?”

• 259 •

RADCLY fFE

“Beat,” Dev admitted. “What I really want is to get in bed and just

hold you.”

“Are you hungry?”

Dev shook her head. “We can come back later. Right now, I just

need you.”

Leslie pushed the blanket aside and stood, extending her hand to

Dev. “Then that’s what you shall have.”

v

“Did I fall asleep in the middle of a sentence?” Dev asked when she

awoke in Leslie’s arms a few hours later. The bedroom in her cabin was

aglow with orange shadows cast from the Þ re burning in the Þ replace

in the living room. She remembered reaching the cabin, Leslie starting

a Þ re, the two of them crawling into bed after removing their borrowed

clothes. She remembered Leslie holding her as if she were a precious

treasure about to disappear and stroking Leslie’s cheek in reassurance,

telling her that nothing would come between them again. Or maybe she

just thought she’d said that as she’d fallen into exhausted sleep.

“No, you Þ nished the sentence,” Leslie said, softly caressing

Dev’s shoulder. “You mumbled you loved me.”

Dev smiled. “That would be the truth.” She propped herself up

until she could see Leslie’s face. “And in case I didn’t mention it,

that would also be my long-term plan. I’m going to take the job at the

Freshwater Institute.”

“I’ve been thinking about things too,” Leslie said. After Dev had

dropped off, as tired as she was, Leslie hadn’t been able to sleep. Maybe

that was because she hadn’t actually wanted to do anything except hold

Dev. To be certain Dev was safe, and hers. “I want to be with you.

Really with you. I could relocate to the ofÞ ce in Albany or just Þ nd

another job up here.”

“I kind of got the feeling that you’re a high-power type of

attorney,” Dev said, her brows drawing together as she studied Leslie

intently. “The big-city kind of attorney. Seems like things would be a

little too tame for you up here.”

Leslie laughed softly. “Well, there are people who refer to where

I am now as a jungle, but—”

“I don’t think you should do it.”

• 260 •

WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

“Dev,” Leslie said, sitting up, “I love you, and I want us to be

together. That matters more to me than where I work or what I do.”

“And that’s all I need to know.” Dev took Leslie’s hand in both of

hers, running her thumbs over Leslie’s Þ ngers slowly as she spoke. “I

don’t want you to change your life because you love me.”

“You’re willing to,” Leslie pointed out.

“I’m just changing my base of operations—I’m still doing the

same work.”

“You’re splitting hairs.”

Smiling, Dev shook her head. “No, I’m not. I probably won’t be

spending quite as much time in the Þ eld, but I’ll still be away a fair

amount. When I’m not, I’ll be closer to you.”

“We’ve already missed so much. I don’t want to lose any more

time with you.”

“I’ll buy a house here on the lake. You can come up when you’re

free, or I’ll go down to Manhattan.” Dev stroked Leslie’s cheek as she

frowned. “Lots of couples have jobs that require them to live separately

part of the time. We’ll manage.”

“Say that’s so. What about what I do, not where I do it?” Leslie

leaned close and kissed the corner of Dev’s mouth. “How are you going

to feel about consorting with the enemy?”

“I’ve decided that you’re a necessary evil. Figuratively speaking,

of course.”

Leslie straightened. “I beg your pardon?”

“Big corporations and even the government hire computer

crackers to test their security systems, to look for ß aws so they can

build a tighter and more fail-safe system.”

“And this relates to me how?”

“Well, you’re like a cracker trying to break the system. If the laws

are ß awed or aren’t properly designed to do what we need them to do,

you’re going to win cases. And that just tells us which laws to make

better.”

“There is a twisted sort of logic to that argument,” Leslie said,

struggling to hide a smile. “I think I ought to be insulted on some level,

but I’m not sure I want to point out your errors in thinking.” She kissed

Dev again. “Not if you can live with things the way they are.”

“What I can’t live with,” Dev said, framing Leslie’s face, “is being

without you. I’ve tried that for half my life. I don’t want to anymore.”

• 261 •

RADCLY fFE

“It’s a plan, for now. But,” Leslie murmured, nuzzling Dev’s neck

as she caressed her, “if I can’t stand being away from you so much, I

reserve the right to change my mind.”

Dev pulled Leslie down and slid on top of her. “I forgot to mention

a few contingencies.”

“What?” Leslie asked, distracted by the sudden pressure of Dev’s

leg between her thighs.

“You work more reasonable hours and take better care of

yourself.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Leslie arched her back and settled more Þ rmly into

Dev’s crotch, smiling when Dev gasped.

“I’m serious,” Dev muttered, skimming her mouth up the column

of Leslie’s neck.

“That’s good, because I am too.” Leslie buried her Þ ngers in Dev’s

hair, her body coming alive beneath Dev’s in the way only Dev could

excite her. “You’re all the reason I need.”

“I’ve dreamed of being with you all my life.” Dev kissed her

softly. “Now I want the real thing.”

“Are you into long engagements?” Leslie whispered against Dev’s

ear.

“Isn’t Þ fteen years long enough?”

Leslie laughed. “More than enough.”

“Good thing.”

And then she kissed her.

• 262 •

About the Author

Radclyffe is a retired surgeon and full-time author-publisher with

over twenty-Þ ve lesbian novels and anthologies in print, including

the 2005 Lambda Literary Award winners Erotic Interludes 2: Stolen

Moments edited with Stacia Seaman and Distant Shores, Silent Thunder,

a romance. She has selections in multiple anthologies including Call

of the Dark, The Perfect Valentine, Wild Nights, Best Lesbian Erotica

2006, After Midnight, Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and

Exhibitionists, First-Timers, Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About

Lingerie and Underwear, and Naughty Spanking Stories 2. She is the

recipient of the 2003 and 2004 Alice B. Readers’ award for her body

of work and is also the president of Bold Strokes Books, a lesbian

publishing company featuring lesbian-themed general and genre

Þ ction.

Her forthcoming works include Erotic Interludes 5: Road Games

edited with Stacia Seaman (May 2007), Honor Under Siege (June

2007), and In Deep Waters: Volume 1, an erotica collection written with

Karin Kallmaker (2007).

Look for information about these works at www.boldstrokesbooks.

com.

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learned to spot trouble coming, and that is exactly what she sees in her

new recruit, Katryn Nagata. The Celaeno series. (1-933110-28-7)

Justice Served by Radclyffe. Lieutenant Rebecca Frye and her

lover, Dr. Catherine Rawlings, embark on a deadly game of hideand-seek with an underworld kingpin who trafÞ cs in human souls.

(1-933110-15-5)

Distant Shores, Silent Thunder by Radclyffe. Dr. Tory King—along

with the women who love her—is forced to examine the boundaries of

love, friendship, and the ties that transcend time. (1-933110-08-2)

Hunter’s Pursuit by Kim Baldwin. A raging blizzard, a mountain

hideaway, and a killer-for-hire set a scene for disaster—or desire—when

Katarzyna Demetrious rescues a beautiful stranger. (1-933110-09-0)

The Walls of Westernfort by Jane Fletcher. All Temple Guard

Natasha Ionadis wants is to serve the Goddess—until she falls in love

with one of the rebels she is sworn to destroy. The Celaeno series.

(1-933110-24-4)

Change Of Pace: Erotic Interludes by Radclyffe. Twenty-Þ ve hotwired encounters guaranteed to spark more than just your imagination.

Erotica as you’ve always dreamed of it. (1-933110-07-4)

Honor Guards by Radclyffe. In a wild ßight for their lives, the

president’s daughter and those who are sworn to protect her wage a

desperate struggle for survival. (1-933110-01-5)

Fated Love by Radclyffe. Amidst the chaos and drama of a busy

emergency room, two women must contend not only with the

fragile nature of life, but also with the irresistible forces of fate.

(1-933110-05-8)

Justice in the Shadows by Radclyffe. In a shadow world of secrets

and lies, Detective Sergeant Rebecca Frye and her lover, Dr. Catherine

Rawlings, join forces in the elusive search for justice.

(1-933110-03-1)

shadowland by Radclyffe. In a world on the far edge of desire, two

women are drawn together by power, passion, and dark pleasures. An

erotic romance. (1-933110-11-2)

Love’s Masquerade by Radclyffe. Plunged into the indistinguishable

realms of Þction, fantasy, and hidden desires, Auden Frost is forced to

question all she believes about the nature of love. (1-933110-14-7)

Love & Honor by Radclyffe. The president’s daughter and her lover are

faced with difÞ cult choices as they battle a tangled web of Washington

intrigue for…love and honor. (1-933110-10-4)

Beyond the Breakwater by Radclyffe. One Provincetown summer,

three women learn the true meaning of love, friendship, and family.

(1-933110-06-6)

Tomorrow’s Promise by Radclyffe. One timeless summer, two very

different women discover the power of passion to heal and the promise

of hope that only love can bestow. (1-933110-12-0)

Love’s Tender Warriors by Radclyffe. Two women who have accepted

loneliness as a way of life learn that love is worth Þ ghting for and a

battle they cannot afford to lose. (1-933110-02-3)

Love’s Melody Lost by Radclyffe. A secretive artist with a haunted past

and a young woman escaping a life that has proved to be a lie Þnd their

destinies entwined. (1-933110-00-7)

Safe Harbor by Radclyffe. A mysterious newcomer, a reclusive doctor,

and a troubled gay teenager learn about love, friendship, and trust during

one tumultuous summer in Provincetown. (1-933110-13-9)

Above All, Honor by Radclyffe. Secret Service Agent Cameron Roberts

Þ ghts her desire for the one woman she can’t have—Blair Powell, the

daughter of the president of the United States. (1-933110-04-X)

Table of Contents

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

CHAPTER THIRTY