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What Reviewers Say About Radcly ffe’s Books

A Matter of Trust is a “. ..sexy, powerful love story fi lled with angst,

discovery and passion that captures the uncertainty of fi rst love and its

discovery.” – Just About Write

Shield of Justice is a “…well-plotted…lovely romance…I couldn’t turn

the pages fast enough!” – Ann Bannon, author of The Beebo Brinker

Chronicles

“The author’s brisk mix of political intrigue, fast-paced action, and

frequent interludes of lesbian sex and love…in Honor Reclaimed…sure

does make for great escapist reading.” – Q Syndicate

Change of Pace is “. ..contemporary, yet timeless, not only about sex,

but also about love, longing, lust, surprises, chance meetings, planned

meetings, fulfi lling wild fantasies, and trust.” – Midwest Book Review

“Radcly f fe has once again pulled together all the ingredients of a

genuine page-turner, this time adding some new spices into the mix.

shadowland is sure to please—in part because Radcly f fe never loses

sight of the fact that she is telling a love story, and a compelling one at

that.” – Cameron Abbott, author of To The Edge and An Inexpressible

State of Grace

Lammy winner “. .. Stolen Moments is a collection of steamy stories

about women who just couldn’t wait. It’s sex when desire overrides

reason, and it’s incredibly hot!” – On Our Backs

“With ample angst, realistic and exciting medical emergencies, winsome

secondary characters, and a sprinkling of humor, Fated Love turns out

to be a terrifi c romance. It’s one of the best I have read in the last three

years.” – Midwest Book Review

“Innocent Hearts…illustrates that our struggles for acceptance of

women loving women is as old as time—only the setting changes.

The romance is sweet, sensual, and touching.” – Just About Write

Lammy winner “. .. Distant Shores, Silent Thunder weaves an intricate

tapestry about passion and commitment between lovers. The story

explores the fragile nature of trust and the sanctuary provided by

loving relationships.” – Sapphic Reader

In When Dreams Tremble the “…focus on character development is

meticulous and comprehensive, fi lled with angst, regret, and longing,

building to the ultimate climax.” – Just About Write

Visit us at www.boldstrokesbooks.com

THE

Lonely

HEARTS CLUB

by

RADCLY f FE

2008

The LoneLy hearTs CLub

© 2008 by radCLyffe. aLL righTs reserved.

isbn 10: 1-60282-005-8e

isbn 13: 978-1-60282-005-0e

This ElEcTronic Book is PuBlishEd By

Bold sTrokEs Books, inc.,

P.o. Box 249

VallEy Falls, ny 12185

Bold sTrokEs Books ElEcTronic EdiTion: FEBruary 2008

This is a Work oF FicTion. naMEs, characTErs, PlacEs, and

incidEnTs arE ThE ProducT oF ThE auThor’s iMaGinaTion or

arE usEd FicTiTiously. any rEsEMBlancE To acTual PErsons,

liVinG or dEad, BusinEss EsTaBlishMEnTs, EVEnTs, or localEs

is EnTirEly coincidEnTal.

This Book, or ParTs ThErEoF, May noT BE rEProducEd in any

ForM WiThouT PErMission.

CrediTs

EdiTors: ruTh sTErnGlanTz and J.B. GrEysTonE

ProducTion dEsiGn: J.B. GrEysTonE

coVEr GraPhic: shEri (GraPhicarTisT2020@hoTMail.coM)

By the Author

Romances

Innocent Hearts

shadowland

Love’s Melody Lost

Fated Love

Love’s Tender Warriors

Turn Back Time

Tomorrow’s Promise

Promising Hearts

Passion’s Bright Fury

When Dreams Tremble

Love’s Masquerade

The Provincetown Tales

Safe Harbor

Beyond the Breakwater

Distant Shores, Silent Thunder

Storms of Change

Winds of Fortune

Honor Series

Justice Series

Above All, Honor

A Matter of Trust (prequel)

Honor Bound

Shield of Justice

Love & Honor

In Pursuit of Justice

Honor Guards

Justice in the Shadows

Honor Reclaimed

Justice Served

Honor Under Siege

Erotic Interludes: Change Of Pace

(A Short Story Collection)

Erotic Interludes 2: Stolen Moments

Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe, eds.

Erotic Interludes 3: Lessons in Love

Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe, eds.

Erotic Interludes 4: Extreme Passions

Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe, eds.

Erotic Interludes 5: Road Games

Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe, eds.

Acknowledgments

I’ve walked these halls, driven these streets, and even

played softball on these fi elds. It was a joy for me to revisit

these places in the company of old and new characters. As

always, it is my hope that you enjoy the journey, too.

My thanks go to my fi rst readers Diane, Eva, Jane,

Paula, and RB, as well as to my editors, Ruth Sternglantz and

J.B. Greystone, and the generous proofreaders at Bold Strokes

Books for making this a better book. All the credit goes to

these dedicated individuals and the responsibility for any

shortcomings to me.

Sheri was the soul of patience working on this cover,

especially when I kept saying “could you just…” and the

result, as always, far exceeds my limited vision.

To Lee, for her never-ending belief in me. Amo te.

DEDICATION

For Lee

Heart’s Desire

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER ONE

Congratulations, Liz, you’re pregnant.”

Liz Ramsey clutched the edge of the examination table,

causing the ridiculous paper gown to pull open. Exposed, she felt

vulnerable and somehow a little bit out of control. She was never out of

control, not in the courtroom or the bedroom or anywhere else. Except,

of course, right at that moment she felt as if she might cry or laugh

hysterically, and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. So

much for her iron-clad control.

“Liz?” Dr. Marta Thompson asked, a frown replacing her pleased

grin. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Liz said quickly, fashioning a smile that from years of

practice she knew would appear genuine. When you spend your days in

front of a jury needing to convey emotions you sometimes do not feel,

you become adept at adjusting your facial expressions to almost any

circumstance. And right now, she was in one of those free fall situations

where the only thing she could do was put on a show of confi dence and

hope it was believable. “Of course. I’m…just surprised.”

“It’s not unusual for it to happen this way,” Marta said reassuringly.

“I know we tell everyone that it may take two or three tries, but a goodly

proportion of our mothers get pregnant right away.” Her smile returned

and she clasped Liz’s arm. “You just got lucky, honey.”

“Lucky,” Liz echoed, her own smile still fi rmly in place. “Yes, I

really did, didn’t I?”

O

Fifteen minutes later, armored in her power suit and heels, and

once more in charge of her life, Liz barreled down the stairwell in the

Silverstein Pavilion, too keyed up to wait for an elevator. What she

needed was to fi nd her anger. Anger was a very fulfi lling emotion, and

• 11 •

RADCLY fFE

she had relied on it frequently in the last two months to shut out her hurt

and confusion. She hit the door on the fi rst fl oor stairwell at a dead run,

executed a sharp right turn as soon as she stepped into the lobby, and

smacked into a brick wall. At least, for the fi rst few seconds it felt like

a brick wall—until she heard a muffl ed oath, and the impediment to her

forward motion gave way. Stumbling, Liz skidded to a halt and stared,

stupidly, she feared, at the woman lying on the fl oor in front of her.

“Oh hell, I’m sorry,” Liz exclaimed, kneeling beside the prone

fi gure. A glimpse of institutional green beneath the unbuttoned white

lab coat spelled hospital employee. A quick glance to the left breast

pocket revealed a plastic name tag. Reilly Danvers, MD. A fast survey

of the face registered a shock of unruly dark hair tumbling over slightly

unfocused gray eyes, and a wide, generous mouth open in stunned

surprise. Liz held out her hand. “Dr. Danvers, please forgive me. Are

you hurt?”

“Do I know you?” Reilly muttered, unable to decide whether to

be pissed or to laugh. She hadn’t been dumped on her ass by a woman,

or anyone else for that matter, since she’d stopped competitive sparring

three years earlier. After her eyeballs stopped ricocheting around

in their sockets and she was able to focus on the fi gure leaning over

her, she decided that being pissed might not be the smart road to take.

The woman who had knocked her fl at was beautiful. Wavy, shoulderlength coppery-brown hair. The milky complexion of a classic redhead

accompanied by deep green eyes. At the moment, those eyes were so

sharply focused on Reilly’s face, so penetrating, that for an instant she

thought the woman was reading her mind. Considering that her thoughts

were about to veer in directions they hadn’t taken in a very very long

time, that might be a bad idea. Realizing she was staring at a perfect

stranger while sprawled on the fl oor, Reilly took the outstretched hand

and pulled herself to a sitting position. Tentatively, she touched the

back of her head and smothered a wince when her fi ngertips landed on

a lump the size of a walnut.

“You’re hurt, aren’t you?”

“No,” Reilly said quickly, automatically. “I’m okay. Just surprised.”

“That seems to be the order of the day,” Liz muttered. “Listen,

we’re creating a hazard in the middle of the hall. Let me help you up.”

Before she could protest, Reilly felt long, cool fi ngers thread

through hers, and she followed the gentle tug until she was standing

• 12 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

upright. Hands still linked, they both shifted toward the wall, out of the

steady stream of hospital personnel and visitors crowding toward the

elevators.

“Let me see your head,” Liz said, dropping Reilly’s hand, but not

before registering the natural, almost familiar way Reilly’s fi ngers had

closed around hers.

“I’m fi ne,” Reilly protested. “Believe me, I’m a doctor.”

“And of course, that means you’re never wrong,” Liz commented

dryly.

“Not a fan, huh?”

“I’m a lawyer.”

“Ouch.”

Liz shook her head. “Sorry. I am a fan, actually. Well, at least most

of the time. Turn around.”

Deciding that acquiescing was easier than arguing, Reilly pivoted.

“How did you know my name?”

“Name tag. Stand still.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Reilly muttered.

“Try Liz. Liz Ramsey.” Liz gently parted Reilly’s short, thick hair.

“Well, I don’t see any blood.”

“Told you.”

“But,” Liz went on as if Reilly hadn’t spoken, “you’re getting an

impressive hematoma.”

“You sound like a doctor, not an attorney,” Reilly said over her

shoulder.

“Malpractice attorney.”

“Double ouch.”

“For the defense, so I expect you’re safe. The hospital retains my

fi rm, in fact.”

Reilly angled around until they were facing one another again.

“Glad to hear it, and I hope I never need your services.”

“Me, too. How much does that hurt? Honestly.”

“Nothing a few aspirin won’t cure.”

Liz rummaged through her Hermes shoulder bag. “Damn, I usually

have some.”

“No matter. I’ll get some at the gift shop.”

“You’re kidding. Can’t you just ask someone in the pharmacy?

Or a nurse?”

• 13 •

RADCLY fFE

Reilly started to shake her head, then abruptly stopped when

the throbbing escalated. “Not anymore. Everything is unit dose and

accounted for.”

“Then at least let me buy them for you. The gift shop’s on this

fl oor, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but—”

Liz sighed. “Do we really have to debate this? It’s an aspirin, not

a date.”

The instant the words left her mouth, Liz regretted them. She was

practically fl irting with a woman she didn’t even know. Not only did

she never fl irt, the furthest thing from her mind and the last thing she

needed in her life was a new woman.

Reilly grinned. “At least let me buy you a cup of coffee.”

Liz made a show of checking her watch, mentally backpedaling.

“I’ve got another appointment—”

“And I need to be in the OR in forty minutes. We’ll make it a

quick coffee. What do you say?”

Thinking ahead to her bi-weekly lunch date with her two best

friends, Liz knew exactly what their fi rst question was going to be,

and suddenly, she didn’t want to answer it. That told her just how

badly she’d been thrown by the news herself. Avoidance wasn’t

her style. No matter what the disappointment, no matter how much

something hurt, no matter how hard the situation appeared to be,

she threw herself at it, into it, until she beat back the pain and won,

somehow. Except lately that strategy hadn’t been working so well. She

checked Reilly Danvers’s calm gray eyes, felt her quiet assessment,

and wondered if her own bewilderment and uncertainty showed in

her face. She doubted it.

“Twenty minutes. I could use a cup of…” You’re pregnant. “Tea.”

Liz suppressed a groan. “Decaffeinated tea.”

“Somehow,” Reilly said, cupping Liz’s elbow for a second to direct

her toward an adjoining hallway, “I didn’t fi gure you for the tea type.”

“Yes, well, looks can be deceiving.”

O

“Do you think we should call her?” Candace Lory asked the petite

brunette seated across from her at the corner booth at Smokey Joe’s,

• 14 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

a restaurant bar on the fringes of the Penn campus that had been their

hangout since their student days. She sipped her martini, appreciating

one of the many perks of working for herself. She didn’t have to worry

about having a drink at lunchtime, or taking an extra long midday break

if after the business was done she wanted to review the “details” with a

client who happened to catch her eye. Thank God, commodities trading

wasn’t like so many professions. She could sleep with a client now and

then without destroying her reputation, if she was careful. A little risky,

maybe, but if there was no risk, where was the fun? For some reason,

sex made her think of Liz, and she asked again, “Bren, should we call

her?”

“She’ll be here,” Brenda Beal said. “She’s never missed a lunch

date with us in—how many years has it been now? Seven—almost

eight years?” She groaned. “God, I feel old.”

“Thirty isn’t old.”

“Say that in three years when you get there,” Bren complained

good-naturedly, although she doubted Candace would ever fret about

her age. Candace was one of those women who looked as good in jeans

with no make-up as she did in haute couture. Even when Candace had

arrived on campus that fi rst day as a freshman, she’d stood out from

the others in the dorm where Bren was the RA. She might have been

fresh off a farm in Lancaster County, but she hadn’t looked like the

stereotypical farmer’s daughter. Blond and blue-eyed, true, but there

the resemblance ended. At fi ve-ten, she was willowy and model-pretty,

with an air of subtle sensuality even at eighteen that had heads turning.

Candace’s wide-eyed innocence had disappeared in the last nine years,

somewhere between girlfriends number two and twenty. Now she looked

the part of her high-powered, fast-paced job—a job that suited perfectly

her wild, risk-loving nature. Her raw silk blouse was cut low enough

to entice while still remaining within the bounds of professional good

taste. When she was working, Bren noticed, Candace wore her long

ash-blond hair pulled back and clipped at the nape of her neck, giving

her an almost austere appearance. She probably thought that made her

clients more comfortable handing over big bucks to her, as she bought

and sold and rode the margins. She was probably right.

“Liz is only fi ve minutes late,” Bren pointed out reasonably, falling

into her role as the voice of calm just as she had back when Candace

was still a student and bemoaning the latest crisis in her life.

• 15 •

RADCLY fFE

“She’s always on time,” Candace fretted. “One of us should have

gone with her.”

“She didn’t want us to. You know how private she is.”

“I ought to,” Candace replied, her smooth features tightening. “I

went out with her for almost a year and didn’t have a clue why she

wanted me, and then…didn’t.”

Since Bren was far from an expert on relationships, never having

had one, she refrained from suggesting that the reason Liz broke up

with Candace might have been because Liz had found her making out

with a soccer player at a party one night. Since Bren tried not to take

sides where her friends were concerned, and since Liz and Candace had

weathered that particular storm years ago, she just repeated, “Let’s give

her a few more minutes. Then if she doesn’t show, we’ll go fi nd her and

drag her butt over here.”

Candace smiled wanly. “Okay. I’m just…you know, worried.”

“I know,” Bren said softly. “Me too.”

O

“Why orthopedic surgery?” Liz munched a stale peanut butter

cookie and washed it down with a revolting sip of tepid fl oral-fl avored

tea. God, was this what she had to look forward to for the next seven

months? She pushed the thought away and concentrated on the woman

sitting across from her. Dr. Reilly Danvers was what Candace so

frequently referred to as melt-in-your-mouth-hot. With her nice tight

body, slightly husky voice, and kiss-till-you-drop mouth, the surgeon

was an attractive package. Six years ago, Liz thought, she might have

been tempted, even though Reilly was very different than the usual

urbane objects of her desire. She had a casual, almost unconcerned

air—as if she never worried about others’ opinions of her—and Liz

found the attitude refreshing. And at one point in time, she would have

found Reilly Danvers downright sexy. But now, she was just grateful

for the company and, she admitted, the diversion.

“I picked ortho because I was a jock.” Reilly swallowed two

aspirins with a sip of coffee. “And I wanted to work with other jocks, at

least that’s what I thought when I started my training. I ended up doing

ortho trauma, instead.”

• 16 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“So what seduced you away from sports medicine?”

“I like never knowing what’s coming through the door next,”

Reilly replied, chipping the edge off her Styrofoam cup as she thought

about the question. There were other reasons, ones she didn’t want to

talk about. Emergency surgeries kept her busy, kept her mind occupied

and her body tired. When she fell into bed after hours of relentless

tension, she closed her eyes and rarely dreamed. When she got up the

next morning or rolled out in the middle of the night to handle some

crisis, she had no time to refl ect on the empty space beside her and her

emptier life.

“Ah,” Liz said teasingly. “An adrenaline junkie?”

Reilly nodded, not offended. That was the simple answer, and

partially true. “Maybe. I get a charge out of being in the hot seat, I

guess. Thinking on my feet, knowing that there’s no time to do anything

except follow your instincts.”

“You enjoy the challenge.”

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Reilly said. “Don’t you, doing what you do?

Duking it out in court?”

“I like pitting my mind against my opponent, outmaneuvering

them mentally,” Liz replied contemplatively. “I like fi nding the weak

point in the argument and turning it into a weapon.”

Reilly chuckled. “You sound like you enjoy winning.”

“I suppose I do.” Liz wondered at the personal turn in the

conversation. She had lunch with her colleagues at the fi rm several

times a week, and she didn’t think in almost eight years she’d ever

had more than half a dozen personal conversations. And here she was,

having one with a stranger. Maybe that explained her willingness to

talk about herself—after today she’d never see Reilly Danvers again,

so she didn’t have anything to fear.

“What did I say?” Reilly asked, pushing her cup and the pile of

white Styrofoam chips aside.

“What do you mean?”

“You look upset. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No. Sorry. Just a lot on my mind.” Liz schooled her expression to

relax. “You asked about my work. In many ways, it’s like an elaborate

game of chess. The aspect I enjoy most is uncovering the subtle facts in

a case that will make the difference in the verdict.”

• 17 •

RADCLY fFE

“And the truth?” Reilly asked quietly. “Is that part of it, too?”

Liz searched Reilly’s eyes, looking for reproach, but found none.

“I like to think so.”

O

Candace half-stood as Liz slid in opposite her in the booth, next to

Bren. “We were about to send out a search party!”

“I’m only fi fteen minutes late,” Liz said with a wry smile.

Candace was always volatile, but she didn’t usually hover. For the

last two months, though, she’d been hovering quite a lot. Most of the

time, Liz didn’t mind, but today her nerves were raw. “I had a bit of

an accident—well, not really an accident,” she hastened to add when

alarm fl ashed across Candace’s face, “more like an encounter.” She

laughed. “I collided with a surgeon and knocked her fl at. I only thought

it was right to buy her a couple of aspirins by way of an apology.”

“You left us sitting here worrying while you bought some

surgeon…” Candace narrowed her eyes. “Was she cute?”

Brenda groaned softly.

“Yes,” Liz said indulgently, recognizing the Candace she knew

and loved coming to the surface, “she’s very cute.”

“Still, even if she was hot…was she hot?”

“Yes,” Liz replied, thinking that Reilly Danvers was defi nitely

hot, if you went for the intense, darkly attractive types. Which she

didn’t. She had always been drawn to the brightly burning extroverts

like Candace and Julia. At the thought of Julia, her heart ached. Even

as she struggled to push the sorrow aside, she wondered as she had so

frequently over the last eight weeks, if the pain was from missing Julia

or just from knowing she had lived six years of a lie.

Brenda, with her usual quiet sensitivity, touched Liz’s arm. “You

okay?”

Liz clasped her friend’s hand. “Yes, I’m fi ne. Thanks.”

Candace, seemingly having forgotten her interest in Reilly

Danvers and whether she was a potential bedmate, reached across the

table and took Liz’s other hand, joining the three of them in the old

familiar circle. “So, honey, what did the doctor say?”

Liz looked from one expectant face to the other. Brenda, who spent

her days directing the rare books department in the Temple University

• 18 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

library and her nights in some sort of scholarly pursuit that Liz had

yet to completely understand. At fi ve-foot-four, raven-haired, doe-eyed

Brenda had women following her at any kind of gathering, but she

rarely dated. And Candace. Candace, who had stolen Liz’s heart when

Liz should have been old enough to know better, and who had casually,

innocently broken it on her way to the next effortless conquest. Her

two best friends. One ex-lover. So different, and yet together, forming

a whole.

For nine years they’d shared secrets, heartbreaks, the joy of new

beginnings and the pain of breaking up. The three had forged something

that went beyond friendship and created a family in a far more intimate

way than anything Liz shared with most of her blood relatives. Her

friends looked at her now, with worry and expectation.

A few minutes earlier, as she had crossed the campus from the

University Hospital to the bar where they had hung out in their carefree

student days, she had considered what she would say when they asked

the inevitable question. What would she tell them, when she herself

wasn’t certain how she felt about the news? She wanted to give herself

time, time to examine a future that was so very different than what

she had anticipated just three months before. But now, sitting with her

friends, the family she had made, she knew that time would not change

her answer.

With a tremulous smile that for once she could not control, Liz

said, “You’re both going to be aunts.”

• 19 •

• 20 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWO

What are you going to tell Julia?” Brenda asked softly.

“Not a damn thing,” Liz said sharply. Brenda’s gentle

smile never wavered, but Liz made her living, and quite a successful

one, reading the subtle expressions and body language that most people

missed. Her tone had stung, and her misery wasn’t Bren’s fault.

“I’m sorry, Bren.” Liz squeezed Bren’s hand and then let go of

both Bren’s and Candace’s. She settled back in the booth with a sigh.

“I’m jumpy today. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. You’re allowed,” Brenda said.

“I’ll tell you what you should say to that miserable two-timing

bitch,” Candace seethed. “You should tell her to take the next train back

to Hoboken, or wherever the hell she came from, and to take her little

graduate student girlfriend with her.”

“It’s Hackensack,” Liz clarifi ed, “and since Julia just got tenure

last fall, I don’t think she’s planning on moving anytime soon.”

“Maybe we can get her fi red,” Candace said, leaning forward with

a feral glint in her sky blue eyes. “Don’t they have some rules against

fucking your graduate students?”

“Uh, Candace,” Bren interjected, “maybe we should just celebrate

Liz’s news right now and plan our smear campaign later.”

Liz ordered a Sprite from the waitress who stopped beside the

table, and felt some of the bleak pall that had surrounded her lift a little

on the wave of her friends’ unstaunchable support. “Julia isn’t involved

with one of her graduate students, at least not that she mentioned. And

even if she was, that’s not our problem.”

Candace snorted and took a healthy gulp of her martini. “I hate

that bitch.”

“Thank you,” Liz said.

• 21 •

RADCLY fFE

“So,” Bren said into the sudden silence. “What do we do now?”

We. Liz liked the way that sounded. She could count on these two.

When she was lonely or scared, they would be there, and that was a big

reason why single motherhood didn’t loom quite so dauntingly. Her

friends would help her, even though they couldn’t heal the betrayal of

discovering that her lover of almost six years hadn’t been in love with

her for a long time. Julia had informed her of that at the same time

as she had announced that she was currently involved in a passionate

affair with a woman more than a decade younger than either of them.

Almost worse than Julia’s infi delity was Liz’s loss of faith in her own

judgment, because she hadn’t suspected Julia was on the verge of

leaving. Oh, on some level, subconsciously, she had sensed something

was wrong. They didn’t make love as much as they used to, especially

not in the last year. Julia seemed to have more committee meetings and

evening academic obligations than ever before, so they saw less and

less of one another. In retrospect, it hadn’t been the best time to start a

family, but at thirty-fi ve, Liz was running out of time. They’d always

planned on having children, and in the midst of actually preparing for

the reality of it, she hadn’t noticed that Julia wasn’t really involved.

Obviously, she hadn’t noticed a lot of things.

“Stupid,” Liz muttered.

“No you’re not,” Bren said, as if she’d read Liz’s mind. “Trusting.

Not stupid.”

Liz fi xed Bren with a stare. “Actually, I think they’re one and the

same.”

O

Reilly’s head snapped back and she bit down hard on the rubber

mouth guard clamped between her teeth. She kept her gloved hands

raised in front of her chest and tucked her elbows tight to her sides,

dropping back with one leg in anticipation of the roundhouse kick she

knew was coming. Blocking the kick with one arm, she snapped a back

fi st and caught nothing but air.

“Halt,” Master Drew Clark called, and Reilly immediately shifted

into her ready stance, fi sts extended in front of her, legs spread shoulder

width apart.

• 22 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Come with me,” her tall, blond instructor ordered.

Reilly followed her friend and teacher to the far corner of the

room, away from the other students. “Sorry.”

“For what?” Drew asked, indicating Reilly’s gloves with a tilt of

her head. “You can take those off. You’re done for tonight.”

“Yes ma’am.” Reilly jerked loose the Velcro on the wrist of her

right glove with her teeth, clamped the glove under her left arm, and

pulled her hand free. Then she rapidly removed her left glove and

placed them both on the bench against the wall.

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t train if you’d worked all

night,” Drew said.

“Yes ma’am, we did,” Reilly said, confused. As usual, she could

read nothing in Drew’s face beyond the usual intense focus she displayed

in the dojang. A few inches taller, Drew was a good twenty pounds

lighter but all muscle, and the fi ercest fi ghting machine Reilly had ever

seen. If she didn’t know the ex-Marine sergeant outside the confi nes of

this twenty-by-forty-foot room where Drew taught women to defend

themselves and to trust in themselves, Reilly might have thought Drew

had no more feelings than a machine. But Reilly knew otherwise. “I

didn’t work last night. Well, I did, but it was quiet and I slept fi ve hours.

That’s plenty for me.”

“Then what happened today?”

“Nothing.”

Drew didn’t object, but Reilly felt her probing gaze. Nothing had

happened—if she didn’t count being taken out by a femme in heels,

which surely didn’t warrant mentioning at the moment. The rest of

the day had been typical—an MVA with two patients requiring urgent

fracture reduction in the OR, a delayed bone graft on another, and a few

washouts on patients waiting for fl ap closure. It was true, she’d thought

about Liz Ramsey every now and then, in between cases—waiting for

the patient to come up in the elevator from the surgical ICU, waiting

for a room to be cleaned, waiting for anesthesia to put her next patient

under. Hurry up and wait was the order of the day in the OR. She’d

had fl eeting glimpses of Liz’s all too infrequent smiles, her melodic

but oddly weary voice, and the brief glimmers of her sharp wit and

bright mind. It had been a long time since a woman had occupied her

thoughts, even for a few seconds. A long time since Annie.

• 23 •

RADCLY fFE

Involuntarily, Reilly shuddered. She knew Drew would see it and

hurried on. “Nothing happened. But maybe I am tired. I missed that

block, didn’t I?”

“The one where I could have taken your head off?” Drew asked

levelly. “Yes, you missed it completely. That’s a dangerous lapse,

Master Danvers.”

“Yes ma’am, I know.”

Drew’s eyes fl ickered to the rest of the room, then she rested a

hand on Reilly’s shoulder. She wouldn’t have done it if any of the

students could have seen the personal gesture. She never even touched

her own lover intimately within the walls of the dojang. “Are you okay,

Reilly?”

“I am, thanks. I had an interesting accident earlier. Nothing

serious.” Reilly grinned. “I’ll tell you about it later, over a beer. Are we

going out?”

“I think Sean plans to. Why don’t you take the under-belts through

their forms for the rest of the class.”

Reilly snapped her arms to her sides and bowed. “Yes ma’am.”

O

“Let me get this straight,” Sean Gray said, leaning close to Reilly

so that the students at the adjoining table wouldn’t overhear. Her deep

hazel eyes sparkled with amusement. “You got taken off guard and

dumped on your ass?”

Reilly knew she would take some ribbing if she told her story,

especially from her friend and friendly rival Sean, Drew Clark’s lover.

When Reilly had started training at the dojang four years earlier, Sean

had just earned her second degree black belt, putting Sean two levels

below Reilly’s fourth dan. And even though Reilly’s rank automatically

placed her in a senior position to Sean, that had not prevented them from

becoming friends. She was especially grateful that both Sean and Drew

never pushed her for personal details that she didn’t want to reveal.

The dojang had become her refuge, and in those early, diffi cult years,

she’d spent more time there than anywhere else except the hospital.

“She came out of the stairwell like a torpedo,” Reilly said in her

own defense. “It wasn’t just a question of being unprepared, she was

right on top of me before I could blink. Splat.”

• 24 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Splat,” Drew mused. “I can see how that offensive tactic would

work.”

“The splat attack,” Sean laughed while shifting her chair closer

to Drew and curling one hand around the inside of her leg, just above

her knee.

Reilly noticed the familiar gesture and felt a pang of longing.

Sean didn’t look anything like Annie—Annie had been small and

blond, whereas Sean was dark-haired and solidly muscled from years

of training, but Sean had the same ready smile, and she touched Drew

with the same easy familiarity that Annie had used to touch her. She

missed that connection, despite everything else. She wondered why she

was thinking about Annie more today than she had in months. To her

surprise, Reilly realized that she didn’t think about her every waking

moment the way she had the fi rst couple of years. A little disturbed, she

wondered when that had changed.

“Maybe you need some more time sparring,” Drew said

seriously.

Sean looked as if she was about to disagree, then quickly fell

silent. Reilly was always impressed with the way Sean balanced her

personal relationship with Drew and her role as Drew’s student. Not an

easy line to walk.

“I don’t mind more workouts if you think I need them,” Reilly

said. “It’s just the competition I need to avoid. I can’t afford another

broken fi nger, especially not now that I have a staff position.”

Drew nodded, covering Sean’s hand where it rested on her thigh.

“Of course, you’re probably not going to be attacked by attorneys in

full battle mode too frequently.”

Laughing, Reilly caught the glint of amusement in Drew’s eyes.

As serious as she knew Drew to be about the importance of training and

self-defense, she had grown to appreciate Drew’s subtle humor. “I don’t

know, maybe I’ll get lucky again.”

“Oh ho,” Sean said softly. “So it wasn’t an altogether unpleasant

experience.”

“Unpleasant?” Reilly thought back to the twenty minutes she had

spent in the cafeteria over coffee and conversation with Liz Ramsey. Liz

was a stranger, but she had felt comfortable with her, even relaxed. She

had been curious about her, too—wondering what caused the sadness

that hovered just below the surface of her appraising green eyes. She

• 25 •

RADCLY fFE

hadn’t been curious about a woman, about anyone, in a long time. “No.

If you don’t count the bump on my head and the blow to my pride, it

was—sort of nice.”

Sean gave Reilly a long look, then just nodded. Reilly was grateful

that she didn’t have to elaborate, because she didn’t have an explanation

for why she had thought more about Liz Ramsey in one day than she

had about anyone else in years.

O

When her cell phone rang at a little after eleven p.m., Liz checked

the readout before answering. She didn’t do the kind of legal work

where emergencies arose in the middle of the night, and if it was some

eager or anxious young associate, then they could email her and she’d

check it in the morning. When she saw the number, she answered. “Hi,

Candace.”

“Were you sleeping?”

“No,” Liz said, laying the paperback romance novel aside. “I was

reading.”

“Something serious or something trashy?”

Liz laughed. “Something hot. Melanie Richards’ latest.”

“Fallen Angels?”

“You read it already?”

“I’ve worked my way through the good parts,” Candace said. “A

couple of times each. God, that woman delivers more orgasms per page

than any writer I know. I can hardly make it through a chapter without

stopping to—”

“I get it,” Liz interrupted, not wanting any further incentive to

recall exactly what Candace liked to do while reading something

hot. Not while she was lying alone feeling completely unaroused and

unarousable. Nothing like getting dumped and feeling faintly nauseous

a good part of the day to kill one’s libido. “Something wrong?”

“No. Just restless. Wanted to hear a friendly voice. You know.”

“Uh-huh. No one to keep you company tonight?”

Candace laughed, a satisfi ed purr. “You know I never let them stay

all night. Besides, she had an early meeting in the morning, so I had an

excuse to send her home after round three.”

• 26 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“So why are you really calling instead of basking in the afterglow?”

Liz felt Candace’s hesitation. “Confess.”

“I was thinking maybe you’d like me to go with you on your next

visit. To the doctor’s.”

Liz closed her eyes. She should simply say yes. It would be good

to have company, and Candace and Bren were going to badger her until

she let one or both of them come with her. But right now, she just

couldn’t make the leap from what she had expected this experience to

be like to the new reality of her life. She needed a little more time to

create a revised picture of her life as a single, working mother. And she

would, soon. Just, not tonight.

“I’ll let you know when I need you, okay?”

“I could kill her for doing this to you,” Candace growled.

“It’s done,” Liz said, suddenly tired. “Julia’s gone, and it’s time

to move on.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I’ll have to be. I don’t have any other choice.”

“What about our lunch dates?” Candace asked. “You’ll still make

them, won’t you?”

“I wouldn’t miss them. I’ll talk to you soon,” Liz said, forcing

lightness into her tone. When Candace disconnected, Liz reached for

her book. Maybe she could read herself to sleep.

After a few pages, when she realized she was picturing the series’

main character Jae Blackman—an enigmatic, devil-may-care gambler

turned undercover agent—with Reilly Danvers’ piercing gray eyes and

tight, fl uid body, she was taken aback by the twinge of excitement low

in her belly. Recognizing it, she tossed the book aside and snapped off

her bedside light. Reading obviously wasn’t going to put her to sleep,

and the last thing she needed was a dose of mindless lust. Resolutely,

she closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep.

O

“You’re very good, but I know you’re cheating,” a low sultry voice

murmured in Jae’s ear.

Jae pushed her chips across the table to the dealer. “Cash me

out.”

• 27 •

RADCLY fFE

Taking her time, Jae folded the hundred dollar bills and slid them

into the front pocket of her silk tuxedo pants. The stranger was standing

close behind her, close enough that Jae felt the press of the fi rm breasts

against her back. Not exactly an invitation, more of a challenge.

And the hard, heavy heat in her pelvis made her think a challenge

was just exactly what she needed.

Bren rubbed her eyes and leaned back in her desk chair, rereading

the last few paragraphs. Jae was headed for a fall, but then, it was time.

She’d been skating the edge of her need throughout three books, and

Bren knew it was time to push her to face what she really wanted.

“I hope my editor thinks so,” Bren muttered, envisioning the rest

of the scene. Jae on her knees, a pale slender hand gripping her hair—

The phone rang, shattering the image.

“Hell.” Bren checked caller ID, then grabbed the phone. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Candace said. “What are you doing?”

“Getting ready for bed. It’s midnight.” Bren hadn’t told Candace or

Liz or anyone when she’d gotten her fi rst book accepted for publication.

Back then, she told herself she was keeping it a secret because it was

probably just a fl uke. Maybe no one would buy her book or like her

book and she’d never write another one. Now, fi ve years later, she was

one of the most popular erotic romance novelists working, and she

couldn’t use that excuse any longer. She hadn’t told her best friends

because her writing, the characters she created, were just so private,

so personal, she didn’t know how to share them. How could she ever

explain to them that the fi ctional world she fashioned sometimes felt

much more satisfying than the one she lived in every day. It would

only hurt them, and she cared about them too much to do that. “What’s

going on?”

“I just talked to Liz. She doesn’t want me to go with her to the

doctor’s.”

“How did she sound?”

“About how you’d expect when your cheating lowlife girlfriend

walks out on you.”

“Candace,” Bren said gently, “I know you love her…” still in

love with her, Cand? “…and you’re worried, but Liz is going to be

okay. What she needs is for us to help make the next seven months the

wonderful, happy time it should be. She’ll get over Julia.”

• 28 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“You’re right,” Candace sighed. “I never thought Julia was right

for her.”

“Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe this will turn out to be the best thing

that could happen to Liz.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Bren laughed. “Aren’t I always?”

“Yes, damn it. Usually. All right, go to bed so you won’t fall asleep

in the stacks tomorrow.”

“Night.”

Bren hung up and saved the fi le she was working on. Sex was out

of the question now—if she started, she wouldn’t be able to stop until

she was fi nished, and she’d be too keyed up or too aroused to sleep, and

she had an early morning meeting. She clicked over to her email to take

one last check before she went to bed. Smiling, she opened one of the

recent messages.

Dear Melanie – When is Jae going to fall in love?

When indeed, Bren thought, and decided to leave the answer to

another day.

• 29 •

• 30 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER THREE

If Liz heard the phrase “fecal contamination” one more time,

she was going to vomit. In fact, she was going to vomit no

matter what the next words uttered by the VP of Risk Management.

“Excuse me,” Liz blurted as she shoved back her chair. Registering

the expressions of surprise on the men and women gathered around the

conference table, she jumped up and bolted from the room. Praying she

would make it, she fl ed down the hall toward the restroom.

Mercifully, both stalls were empty and she swerved into the nearest

one just in time. Hot and dizzy, she dropped to her knees and braced her

forearms on the cool white porcelain. Eyes closed, she surrendered to a

second wave of the all too familiar nausea and vomited.

At fi rst, she thought she imagined a hand gently drawing her hair

away from her face. But the wonderfully cold paper towel against the

back of her neck was real enough. So was the quiet voice.

“Take a breath, nice and slow.”

Liz sensed someone kneel beside her and felt an arm curve around

her shoulders. Helpless to do otherwise, she leaned into the embrace.

“God, this is embarrassing,” Liz whispered, eyes still closed as

she took one breath after another until she started to feel a little better.

“Oh I don’t know, I can think of a lot worse things.”

Liz wanted to laugh, but the effort was still too much. “Thank you

for…oh,” she said when she focused on the face so close to her own.

The eyes she remembered as the color of winter sky were darker now,

nearly black with…worry? “Reilly. God. Thanks.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fi ne,” Liz said as briskly as she could manage, realizing

she was still on her knees in a toilet stall being held by a near

stranger. Could she possibly be any more humiliated? She braced a

hand against the gunmetal gray divider separating the two stalls and

pushed herself up.

• 31 •

RADCLY fFE

“Take it easy,” Reilly said immediately, sliding her arm from Liz’s

shoulder down to her waist.

Liz was acutely aware of Reilly’s body pressed against hers in

the cramped space. They were almost the same height, a little above

average, and she had always considered herself to be in good shape—at

least as good as twice weekly workouts in the gym and the occasional

early morning run could keep her when so much of her time was spent

behind a desk. But it didn’t take more than fl eeting contact for her to

recognize that Reilly’s body was hard, hard in the way only serious

athletes were ever conditioned.

“Still a jock, huh,” Liz murmured.

“Comes with the territory.” Laughing, but her face still creased

with concern, Reilly stepped back while keeping both hands lightly on

Liz’s hips. “Steady?”

Liz straightened her shoulders. “Yes. I’m all right. I just need to—”

she gestured toward the sinks.

“Sure.” Reilly released Liz almost reluctantly and moved aside to

allow her to reach the sinks. Folding her arms, she studied Liz as she

leaned over the sink and ran cold water to freshen up. Her naturally pale

skin was ashen. Sweat beaded on her forehead and soaked the hair at

her temples, making the deep red-brown appear nearly black. “When

you’re ready, we’ll get you something to drink.”

Liz waved a hand in her direction. “You must be busy. You don’t

need to babysit me now.” Blotting her face with a paper towel, Liz

smiled a “I have everything under control” smile. “Thank you for

coming to my rescue.”

“Hardly.” Reilly shrugged, watching Liz’s eyes, which she had

learned during their brief conversation the week before were the true

barometer of how she was feeling. Right now, their lustrous green was

cloudy. “How long have you been feeling ill?”

“I…” Liz fumbled for the words. She hadn’t told anyone other

than Candace and Bren yet. Over the last week, she’d started planning

for the changes in her life that were right around the corner. She’d have

to arrange for maternity leave, fi nd a nanny, and then negotiate with her

law partners how best to adjust her work schedule when she returned—

not to even mention doctor’s visits, baby clothes, nursery furniture. If

she let herself think about it, she’d panic over how much there was to

do. But structuring the future assuaged her anxiety and helped restore

• 32 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

her confi dence in herself. Still, she wasn’t ready to face the explanation

and the inevitable questions that would follow. Not now, not to Reilly.

Not when she already must appear so pathetically weak. “I’m not sick,

in fact, I’m already feeling much better. Maybe it’s something I ate or a

twentyfour-hour bug. Really, Reilly. Go back to work.”

“I worked last night so I’m off today. The only reason I’m still

here at eight-thirty in the morning is that there was a staff meeting.”

Reilly pushed away from the wall and took a step closer. “You’re white

as a sheet, Liz. And you’re shaking. Do you have a car here?”

“No, I usually take a cab. Saves the time of parking.”

“Then let me drive you home.”

“I’m not going home,” Liz said incredulously. Spying her purse

on the fl oor, she busied herself retrieving it. She didn’t even remember

grabbing it on her fl ight from the conference room, but she was glad

she had. Avoiding Reilly’s slightly unnerving scrutiny, she searched her

purse for the mints she always carried and slipped one into her mouth.

“I’m in the middle of a meeting with the hospital administrators, and I

have a dep to prepare for this afternoon.”

“You need something to drink and a little bit of food in your

stomach. And you need to change your clothes.”

“What?” Liz glanced down at her navy slacks. Both knees were

marked by perfect damp, chalky ovals.

“I think that’s cleanser,” Reilly observed. “And I think emergency

dry-cleaning is required.”

“God damn it,” Liz muttered. “I do need to go home.” She eyed

Reilly. “But I’m just a ten minute cab ride away. I really don’t need you

to go out of your way.”

“Liz, stop being so stubborn.”

“I’m not being stu—” Liz caught the fl icker of amusement on

Reilly’s face and grinned despite her acute embarrassment. She hated

that Reilly had witnessed her debacle. She also hated to admit that the

subtle sickness still churned in her stomach. “All right, maybe I am a

little…resistant. I’d love a ride, thank you. Let me get my briefcase and

make up some excuse.”

“Why don’t you just tell them you’re not feeling well?” Reilly

asked as she followed Liz out into the hall.

Liz shot her a look. “What is it you surgeons say? To ask for

help—”

• 33 •

RADCLY fFE

“Is a sign of weakness,” Reilly fi nished. “I doubt anyone would

ever consider you weak. And being under the weather is hardly a sign

of weakness.”

“Just give me a minute,” Liz said, heading down the hall.

Despite what Reilly had said, she doubted that if Reilly were ill, she’d

ever admit to her fellow surgeons that she couldn’t do her job. No

matter how natural that circumstance might be, women in positions

like theirs still didn’t admit to their predominantly male colleagues

that there was anything, short of death, that could interfere with their

work. And then they’d better be the ones dead. She took a deep breath,

settled her expression into one of calm control, and stepped into the

conference room.

“I’m so sorry,” Liz said. “The offi ce just paged and I’m afraid I

have to go. I’ll check in with you later, Tom, in case there’s anything

we need to go over.”

Then, before anyone could respond, she gathered her briefcase

and walked out. It was always much better to leave with the last word.

“Ready?” Reilly asked.

“Yes,” Liz replied, although she wondered what she was doing

letting a woman she barely knew take her home. Reilly’s quiet insistence

was very persuasive, but she certainly didn’t need anyone taking care

of her. Hormones. That’s all it was.

O

Five minutes into the ten minute ride from West Philadelphia to

Rittenhouse Square, Liz realized she was experiencing another of those

unnerving transitions that were becoming all too frequent. She wasn’t

nauseous any longer. She was starving. Starving as in if she didn’t eat

something in the next few minutes, she was likely to attack innocent

bystanders on the street.

“Are you tired?” Liz asked. “You said you worked all night.”

Reilly glanced over as she maneuvered her red Chevy Camaro

through the relatively sparse midmorning traffi c. “Not really. I’m

usually keyed up after being on call and I don’t like to sleep during the

day. Why?”

“I’m hungry. There’s a great bagel shop a few blocks from my

building. If you don’t mind taking a detour, we can grab some. That is,

• 34 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

if you haven’t had breakfast or—”

“Sounds great. Brenner’s?”

“That’s the place. I guess everyone knows it.”

“Probably. At least everyone in the neighborhood.” Reilly turned

down Twenty-fi rst Street. “We’re practically neighbors.”

“Really? Where do you live?”

“I’ve got an apartment on Pine. One of the old brownstones near

Twenty-second.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah,” Reilly said fl atly. She pulled over to the curb, switched off

the engine, and turned toward Liz. “You want me to go in?”

“Obviously, my appetite is back and I’m feeling fi ne.” Liz glanced

down at her stained slacks. “But I look a little worse for the wear.”

“Just give me your order. I’ll take care of it.”

Liz hesitated, then bowing to common sense, acquiesced. After

giving Reilly her order, she watched out the window as Reilly sprinted

around the front of the car and loped toward the bagel shop. Like most

surgeons Liz knew, Reilly didn’t walk when she could run. On the other

hand, the sensitive way Reilly had comforted her that morning wasn’t

something Liz was used to when dealing with surgeons, who frequently

seemed if not self-centered, at least fi ercely focused to the exclusion

of almost everything else. Remembering the way Reilly had held her

in her arms when she’d been too sick to stand up, Liz felt a rush of

gratitude—and a fl ush of pleasure at the memory of Reilly’s hard body.

That was a reaction she didn’t care to examine too carefully, especially

not when her emotional state resembled a rollercoaster off its tracks.

Catching a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye,

she studied Reilly returning. Even though she wasn’t Liz’s type, Liz

had to admit that in her low-slung, boot-cut jeans, sneakers, and scrub

shirt, with the hot summer breeze ruffl ing her hair, Reilly looked

plenty sexy.

“God,” Liz muttered, “no one mentioned this was going to turn me

into someone completely unrecognizable.”

“Talking to yourself?” Reilly asked as she slid into the front seat

and handed Liz a bag. “Hot out of the oven.”

“Delirious from hunger. Hurry.” Liz clutched the warm bag. If

she had been taken over by aliens, there was nothing she could do

about it now.

• 35 •

RADCLY fFE

Laughing, Reilly gunned the big engine and followed

instructions.

O

“There’s soda and juice in the refrigerator, if you want something

to drink,” Liz said as she held open the door to her ninth-fl oor condo.

“As soon as I change, I can make coffee, if you’d rather.”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” Reilly said.

Liz indicated the living room on the right. “I’ll be back in just a

minute.”

“Take your time.”

When Liz disappeared in the opposite direction down a hallway

that ran through the rest of the apartment, Reilly slid her hands into

her jeans pockets and strolled around the large room that took up the

entire width of that end of the condo. Tall windows faced out toward

Rittenhouse Square, the small Center City park that was a focal point for

tourists and residents alike. Two sofas sat at right angles to one another

on an oriental carpet, a gleaming dark wood coffee table between them.

Neat and orderly and barely lived-in. She gravitated toward the far wall

where built-in bookcases held an assortment of books, photographs,

and an occasional vase.

These weren’t the legal tomes that Reilly imagined Liz kept in her

offi ce, but an eclectic array of literature—popular fi ction, biographies,

nonfi ction. She noticed a photograph of Liz with a man who looked

about Liz’s age. They were both dressed in white shorts and polos with

a logo Reilly couldn’t read over the left breast, and carrying tennis

rackets. The dark-haired man, well built and what most people would

consider handsome, had his arm around Liz’s waist, and Reilly felt a

pang of disappointment which she quickly pushed aside. Looking for

other photographs, she was surprised that there were no others in the

room. In fact, the entire room looked slightly barren, as if something or

some things were missing.

Reilly returned to the photograph. She guessed that Liz was a

decade younger in it, and although she was smiling, her expression was

shuttered. Whatever she was feeling, she wasn’t going to reveal it for

posterity.

• 36 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Do you play?” Liz asked from somewhere behind Reilly.

“Not tennis,” Reilly said, turning. Liz had changed into sage

slacks with an off white shell, beneath which the barest hint of her lace

bra showed. Reilly quickly averted her gaze. “I was more of a sandlot

baseball kind of kid.”

Liz smiled. “Hence your interest in sports medicine.”

“When I fi gured out I wasn’t going to be an Olympic caliber

softball player, I had to do something.” Reilly indicated the photograph.

“Do you still play?”

“No,” Liz said abruptly. “I’ve graduated to squash. Do you? Still

play ball?”

“Yep. In the city league in Fairmont Park,” Reilly said. “The

hospital has a team. Well, several actually, but I play on the all women’s

team. I never liked mixed teams.”

Liz eyed the photograph. “I know what you mean.”

“Is he your, ah…husband?”

“Stepbrother.”

Relieved, Reilly almost grinned before reminding herself that

could mean anything. Liz might still have a husband, an ex-husband, a

boyfriend—or several. Liz stood only a few feet away, but suddenly the

distance between them felt heavy with unspoken questions.

“I’m gay,” Reilly said.

“So am I.”

“I could use one of those bagels.”

“Come on out to the kitchen. I’ll fi x you one.”

• 37 •

• 38 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER FOUR

The kitchen was bright and sleek and spotless, like the rest of the

condo. A round wooden table big enough for two sat in front

of a window that also overlooked the park. A stack of newspapers—all

from that morning, Reilly was willing to bet—was piled neatly on the

wide window ledge. A coffee pot and a single mug sat upside down in

the dish drainer next to an otherwise empty sink. Reilly took that to

mean Liz lived alone. Of course, it could simply be that her girlfriend,

or partner, was traveling or had worked all night and wasn’t home yet.

And why she was even speculating, Reilly grumbled mentally, she

didn’t know.

“Do you want your bagel toasted?” Liz asked, her back to Reilly

as she took plates down from the cupboard.

“However you’re making yours is fi ne,” Reilly replied. “Can I do

anything? I’m pretty handy with a knife.”

Liz looked over her shoulder and smiled. “Sit. You must be

tired.”

Reilly pulled out a chair at the small table, although she wasn’t

tired. Usually when she came off an overnight shift she was too keyed

up to sleep, even though mentally and physically she was often drained.

This morning she wasn’t worn-out at all, and she couldn’t credit that

to an easy night. She’d operated until almost fi ve a.m. on a young

man who had tangled with a jet ski and lost. No, being with Liz made

the difference. Reilly hadn’t spent time alone with a woman in years,

and she’d forgotten the simple pleasure of watching a woman move

comfortably around her own kitchen, and the way a quick smile could

feel like a gift.

Liz worked quickly and effi ciently, aware but not minding that

Reilly was watching her. That surprised her, because ordinarily intense

scrutiny made her wary. Usually, close observation in the courtroom

meant her opponent was looking for a weak point in her argument or

• 39 •

RADCLY fFE

some telltale sign in her expression that she was not as certain as she

wanted to appear. It was nice not to be on guard, although she couldn’t

quite decide why she felt relaxed with Reilly. She didn’t know her very

well, but then maybe it was because Reilly had already seen her at her

absolute worst. On her knees, helplessly vomiting.

“God,” Liz muttered in disgust.

“What?”

“Oh,” Liz said quickly, wondering when she had started talking

out loud to herself. “Nothing.” When Reilly raised a quizzical eyebrow,

she added, “I was merely bemoaning the fact that you saw me in a less

than shining moment this morning.”

“It was just a human moment. It happens to all of us.”

“Yes, well, there are some things some of us would like to pretend

we aren’t susceptible to.”

“Like getting sick once in awhile?”

“You know what I mean,” Liz said, carrying the food to the table.

She passed one plate to Reilly.

“I know you don’t like it when you’re not in charge, and you

probably prefer to do everything for yourself,” Reilly said.

“Don’t you?” Liz countered, deciding not to question how Reilly

had come to that conclusion about her. It might be accurate, but

defl ecting the conversation was better than going down a road that

might result in personal disclosure.

“Like to be in charge? Pretty much. I think it’s an occupational

thing.”

“Maybe. But I think we choose our occupations because they suit

our personalities, and not the other way around.”

“That’s what the psychologists tell us.” Reilly munched the

bagel. “These are the best in town. Can I get some of that soda you

mentioned?”

“Oh, sorry,” Liz said, rising quickly. “My entertaining skills are a

little rusty.”

“Can’t be any worse than mine.”

When Liz opened another cabinet to retrieve glasses, Reilly

noticed empty shelves. The same had been true for the cabinet with the

dishes. It looked like someone had recently moved out. Liz turned and

must have seen the question in her expression, because she answered

before Reilly could comment.

• 40 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I live here alone, but until a few months ago, I didn’t.”

Reilly took the drink Liz held out to her. “Thanks.”

Liz nodded and sat down.

“I never know what to say to something like that,” Reilly said.

“Sorry seems natural, but maybe you threw her out. Or she could have

been just a roommate, in which case I’d be presumptuous.”

“Neither is the case,” Liz said without infl ection. “She was my

partner, and she left me.”

“Then I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. I’m not sure if I am or not,” Liz mused.

“That’s good.”

“Maybe.” Liz shrugged. “I am pissed that she left me for a younger

woman, though.”

“Younger? Like what—twelve years old?”

“Smooth. Very smooth.”

“Not usually,” Reilly said, “but thanks. And I wasn’t kidding.

What are you, twenty-eight? Thirty?”

“I’m thirty-fi ve. Julia took up with a twenty-three-year-old.”

“Julia has judgment problems.”

“That’s kinder than what I’ve called it.”

Reilly grinned. “Well, I don’t know her. If I did, I might not be so

nice.”

Liz laughed. “My best friends are outraged for me, and I love

them for it. But neither one of them has made me laugh about it yet. I

appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” Reilly added seriously, “And I really am sorry.

I know it’s tough.”

“Yes…well.” Liz stood with the pretense of taking her plate to

the sink when she felt the sting of tears threatening. What was wrong

with her? Confi ding in someone she’d just met and now on the verge of

crying in front of her?

Hoping to redirect the conversation, Liz rinsed her dish, and when

she had herself under control again, turned back to the table. “How

about you? Got a girlfriend, or are you the swinging surgeon type?”

“Neither one.”

Liz had asked the question casually, but she caught a fl ash of

pain course through Reilly’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get

personal.”

• 41 •

RADCLY fFE

“That’s okay.” Reilly took a breath and seemed to visibly force

the tension from her shoulders. “We seem to get personal when we talk.

It’s strange.”

Liz nodded, but said nothing, having learned that there was much

to be heard in silence.

Reilly met Liz’s gaze. “She died.”

“Oh Reilly,” Liz murmured. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was quite a while ago.” Reilly stood, having come to a place

she couldn’t revisit or explain. “I should let you get back to your day.

Thanks for breakfast.”

“You’re welcome.” Liz didn’t know what to say, an occurrence

so rare she was momentarily stunned. Reilly hurt, she knew that, and

she wanted to…what? Comfort her? Make the sadness in her eyes

disappear? Touch her? With a start, she realized they were standing a

few feet apart, staring at one another. “Are you all right?”

“Yes.” Reilly smiled a slightly crooked smile that made her look

at once wistful and sexy. “You need a ride to work?”

Liz glanced at the clock. “I’m not going right back to the offi ce.

I have a standing lunch date with friends on Mondays and Thursdays.”

“Nice,” Reilly said, looking relieved at the change of subject.

“The best friends who are outraged for you?”

“They’re the ones,” Liz said as she led Reilly through the condo.

“We’ve known each other since school and dubbed ourselves The

Lonely Hearts Club. We used to sit around commiserating about our

dateless status or our most recent breakup.” She stopped abruptly.

“God, I can’t seem to get off this subject.”

“Understandable.”

“Well obviously, I need a diversion. I’m beginning to bore

myself.”

Reilly laughed. “Come to the softball games if you need a change

of pace. Friday, Sunday, and Wednesday nights.”

“When’s your next game?” Liz asked impulsively.

“Tomorrow night. Six o’clock. The fi eld at the top of the plateau,”

Reilly replied slowly.

Liz realized she hadn’t even thought about work or Julia or

the uncertain future for the last hour. Even at her most relaxed with

Candace and Bren, she was always aware of time passing and of all the

• 42 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

things she still had to do. When she was with Reilly, though, she lost

track of everything else. “Who knows. Maybe I’ll take you up on your

prescription, Dr. Danvers.”

“If you do, be sure to say hello.”

“I will,” Liz said lightly, while silently asking herself what she

was doing.

When Liz said goodbye to Reilly on the sidewalk in front of her

building, she watched Reilly walk away and decided there was nothing

wrong with allowing herself a pleasant uncomplicated diversion.

O

“Oh my God,” Candace announced dramatically as she dropped

into the booth across from Bren and Liz. “I’ve been running around like

a madwoman all morning. Can you believe it? I overslept and almost

missed the opening of the market.”

Bren laughed. “Let me guess. Wednesday night. Probably wasn’t

bingo. Not bowling. Ballroom dancing?”

Liz tried unsuccessfully not to snort.

Candace looked aggrieved. “I’ll have you know, I worked late at

the offi ce updating portfolios. And then…” She paused for effect and

waited until she was certain that she had Liz and Bren’s total attention.

“I went home, had a leisurely bubble bath, and…read a book.”

“Let me guess,” Liz said. “Melanie Richards.”

“I hate that woman,” Candace said vehemently. “First I stayed up

half the night fi nishing her damn book, and then I…well…you know, I

was wide awake and horny.”

“I thought we promised we wouldn’t discuss work at these lunches,”

Bren said. “And books qualify as work where I’m concerned.”

“I don’t think Melanie Richards’ books quite fall into the category

of your typical rare book,” Liz pointed out.

“That’s an understatement,” Candace agreed, waving to the

waitress. “Bloody Mary…a double.” Turning her attention back to her

companions, she added, “Her books are everywhere you look, now.

You should try them, Bren.”

“Still, books are books and I see enough of them all day,” Bren

insisted, feeling uncomfortable as she always did when someone

• 43 •

RADCLY fFE

mentioned Melanie’s books. She usually didn’t feel guilty about keeping

her secret, except when she had to employ subterfuge with her friends.

Then it felt like her privacy came at a price she didn’t want to pay.

“I’d give anything to have one night with Jae Blackman,” Candace

went on, oblivious to Bren’s discomfort. “God she’s sexy. I know

there’s something about her that Melanie isn’t telling us, some deep

dark secret. And I know it has to do with sex.”

Silently Bren agreed. Jae was more than sexy. She was everything

Bren found attractive in a woman—and it wasn’t just that she was

darkly handsome and knew her way around a woman’s body. She was

also secretly wounded and uncommonly sensitive, and she wasn’t

afraid to acknowledge her raw physical needs. As Bren explored Jae’s

complex character more deeply with each successive book, she became

even more enthralled.

“Candace, honey,” Bren said lightly, “almost everything has to do

with sex for you.”

Candace fi xed her with a stony glare. “And your point would

be?”

“Okay, okay,” Liz said. “We’ve had this conversation before.

Cand and I will discuss what we’d like to do with Jae Blackman some

other time.”

“God, you’re no fun,” Candace said, pretending to pout. Then she

reached across the table and tapped Liz’s hand, an almost-caress. “So.

How are you feeling?”

Liz grimaced. “Most days like I woke up in someone else’s

body.”

“Morning sickness?” Bren asked.

“It’s a little more like morning, noon, and night sickness.” Liz

toyed with the straw in her glass of lemonade and tried to look more

upbeat than she felt. “But the good news is, I only have a couple more

weeks of it, at least according to everything I’ve read.”

“What did the doctor say?” Bren countered.

“What could she say? It’s normal.”

Candace and Bren sighed simultaneously.

“You didn’t call her, did you?” Candace said.

“I have another appointment next week. And besides, I know what

she’s going to say. Avoid spicy foods. Eat crackers before a meal. Drink

lemonade—it helps settle your stomach.”

• 44 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Baby,” Candace said, using an endearment Liz hadn’t heard her

use in years, “this is one thing you can’t be in charge of. You’ve never

been pregnant before and, well, you’re…older.”

“Thank you, Candace, for reminding me of that,” Liz said dryly. “I

think Julia made that very point very nicely already.”

Bren interjected, “Candace cares about you, Liz. So do I. You

have to promise you won’t take chances.”

“I won’t. I promise not to worry you.”

“Liz,” Bren said cautiously after a quick glance at Candace, “do

you want this baby? Because we all know it’s not happening the way

you planned.”

Liz looked from Candace to Bren. “Oh hell. I really have worried

you two, haven’t I.” She leaned forward intently, making eye contact

with each of them in turn. “I absolutely want this child. I wanted it before

Julia walked out, and I want it now. It’s just that the circumstances have

kind of temporarily overshadowed the ‘Oh, hallelujah, I’m having a

baby’ part.”

“Good.” Bren bounced a little in her seat. “Because we already

have all kinds of fun things planned, like baby showers and fi xing up

the nursery and a naming party and…things.”

“Thank you,” Liz said, brushing her fi ngertips over her cheeks to

wipe away the quick fl ood of tears. “God, this is the second time today.

This is ridiculous.”

“What?” Candace demanded.

“I’m all over the place emotionally. And you know it’s not like me

at all to get weepy.”

“What else happened today?”

“Oh, nothing. I was just telling Reilly about Julia and I got…never

mind.” Liz recognized the hawk-like glare in Candace’s eyes. Part was

likely Candace’s natural curiosity, but the other looked a little bit like

jealousy, and Liz wasn’t in the mood to defl ect Candace’s questions.

“Reilly. Reilly.” Candace played with the name as if it were some

exotic fl avor, then lasered in on Liz. “Would that be the surgeon from

last week?”

“Yes,” Liz confessed.

“You didn’t tell us you were seeing her.”

“I’m not seeing her.”

“But you saw her. Today.”

• 45 •

RADCLY fFE

Bren murmured, “Candace. Your claws are showing.”

“Oh, bullshit,” Candace snapped. “Nothing exciting is happening

in our lives, Bren. We might as well get off on Liz’s.”

All three laughed and the tension dissipated.

“So tell,” Candace demanded.

“It’s hardly sexy. Unfortunately, Reilly witnessed my early

morning bout with morning sickness and was nice enough to drive me

home afterwards. We got to talking. That’s all.”

“I don’t remember,” Candace said conversationally. “Did you say

she was hot?”

“Yes,” Liz said, grinning at the memory of Reilly’s tight body in

jeans and a scrub shirt. “She’s hot.”

“So when are you seeing her again?”

“Oh my God, Candace. I’m pregnant, in case you’ve forgotten.

The last thing I want is a date.” Despite her protests, Liz thought about

Reilly’s casual suggestion that she drop by the ball fi elds. Casual. She

could do casual.

“What?” Candace pounced.

“Nothing. Nothing.” Liz picked up her lemonade and drained the

glass. “So how would you two like to go to a softball game tomorrow

night?”

• 46 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER FIVE

Oh my God, oh my God,” Candace moaned breathlessly. “Why

am I just fi nding out about this place now?”

Laughing, Liz watched Candace’s head swivel rapidly and fi nally

slapped her playfully on the arm. “Stop that, you’re going to hurt

yourself.”

“I don’t care. Look at the women. I feel like I’ve died and gone to

heaven. Do you think they need more players?”

“When’s the last time you did anything more athletic than hefting

your briefcase?” Bren teased. She closed the top on her black Mazda

RX 7 convertible, her one indulgence. Liz and Candace, who had

driven to the softball fi elds in Liz’s Audi, waited by her door. When

Bren climbed out and surveyed Belmont Plateau, she fi nally got the full

effect of seven softball fi elds fi lled with women. “Oh. Oh my God.”

“That’s what I said,” Candace replied archly. She threaded her arm

through Bren’s and added conspiratorially, “Besides, doesn’t fucking

Angela Howard blind last night count as exercise?”

“It certainly does in my book,” someone replied in a low, husky

voice.

Liz jumped at the familiar sound and spun around. There couldn’t

be two women in the world with that voice, and one glance confi rmed

her assessment. Parker Jones, an associate in her law fi rm, stood behind

them, a saucy grin on her face and a predatory glint in her eye. If possible,

Parker looked even better in athletic shorts and a tight tank top than she

did in her always elegantly tailored business suits. With her windblown

chestnut hair, blue eyes, and summer tan, she was model-gorgeous. Liz

knew Parker was a lesbian and had always thought her attractive, but

their only interaction had been strictly professional. Parker worked in

the real estate and property group, so their paths didn’t cross very often,

and during business hours, the only thing Liz generally thought of was

• 47 •

RADCLY fFE

business. And of course, she had been married. And unlike Julia, she

didn’t break her vows.

“Hi Liz,” Parker said, her attention riveted to Candace. “I was just

on my way over to the fi eld and I saw you drive in.” She held out her

hand to Candace. “I’m Parker.”

Candace did a slow survey before raising slightly hooded eyes to

Parker’s. “I’m Candace. I gather you play ball.”

“I’ll play any game you’re interested in,” Parker replied. “I already

like the sound of your exercise program.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” Candace said throatily. “If I’m

looking for a workout partner.”

Liz glanced at Bren, who rolled her eyes.

Parker switched her attention to Bren, who still looked amused,

and launched another mega-watt smile. “I didn’t get your name—an

unconscionable oversight.”

“Hi,” Bren said, extending her hand. “I’m Brenda.”

“Good to meet you,” Parker replied, holding Brenda’s hand for an

extra second. “So, what brings you all out here?”

“A friend is playing,” Liz said, suddenly feeling protective of her

relationship with Reilly and not knowing why. Maybe it was because

she suddenly realized every unattached woman on the wide expanse of

playing fi elds, and some of the not-so-unattached ones, was probably

looking for a summer fl ing. And she didn’t want to be relegated to that

category. “I didn’t know you played on a softball team, Parker.”

“It’s a secret vice.” Parker fell into step as they climbed the slope

to the fi elds. “Actually, about half my team is lawyers.” She laughed.

“It’s amazing we get anything decided, what with all the debate that

usually goes on.”

“And what position do you play,” Candace asked, edging closer to

Parker as they walked.

“I pitch. Fastball.”

“I just bet that you do,” Candace murmured.

“Who are you playing tonight?” Liz asked as she realized they

were all headed up the grassy expanse toward the diamond at the very

top of the rise. Other playing fi elds were scattered over the lower part

of the plateau.

“A team from University Hospital—Angels of Mercy.”

“You’re kidding,” Liz said. “That’s really their name?”

• 48 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Smiling, Parker nodded. “Ironic, too, because they’re just about

the most competitive team in the league. Except, of course, for the Just

Hammers.” Her grin widened and she glanced at Candace. “That would

be my team.”

“Is that the team Reilly plays on?” Bren asked Liz. “Angels of

Mercy?”

“I’m not sure. I didn’t ask her.”

“Reilly Danvers?” Parker asked.

Surprised, Liz said, “Yes. She’s my…our…she invited us.”

“Then you came on the right night. Reilly’s the star hitter for

the Angels, and our teams are tied for fi rst place.” She leaned closer

to Candace, her voice dropping bedroom low. “And tonight I’m

pitching.”

“Well, I just won’t know who to cheer for, then will I?” Candace

said sweetly. She turned to Liz. “After all, we are here for Reilly, aren’t

we?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Liz said lightly. Candace had been probing her

for more information about Reilly, and so far she had refused to take

the bait. Thinking about introducing Candace to Reilly, she wondered if

Candace was Reilly’s type. Almost every woman she’d ever known had

been dazzled by Candace’s natural beauty and her playful, seductive

manner. Suddenly, Liz was glad they’d run into Parker. At least for

a night, Candace might have someone to focus on besides Reilly.

Although, of course, if Reilly was interested, there was absolutely no

reason why she shouldn’t date Candace. No reason at all.

O

Reilly swung through the pitch, feeling loose and comfortable

with her swing, and easily knocked her last warm-up pitch into far left

fi eld. As she shouldered her bat, she idly checked out the opponent’s

bench. When she saw Liz standing with Parker Jones on the Hammers’

sideline, she stopped so abruptly she blocked the path of the next batter

coming around the backstop toward home plate.

“Hey, Reilly,” Sean protested, “out of the road.”

“Oh, sorry.” Reilly side-stepped but kept her eyes on Liz.

“You okay? We need you on your game tonight.”

“I’m fi ne. I just…never mind.” She had wondered all day if Liz

• 49 •

RADCLY fFE

would come tonight, and had been looking for her since she’d arrived

at the ball fi eld forty-fi ve minutes ago. But they hadn’t exactly agreed

to meet, and she should have fi gured Liz would be there with another

woman. But, Jesus, Parker Jones? Not only was Parker the best pitcher

in the league, she had a different woman on her arm every week.

“You sure?” Sean asked.

“Sure I’m sure.” Reilly frowned at her own brief lapse in

concentration. Liz was single. It made sense she’d be dating someone.

“Don’t worry.”

“Okay.” Sean didn’t sound convinced and her expression changed

to concern. “We all want to win, you know, but it’s just a game. If

you’re tired—”

“I’m great. And I know it’s just a game.” Reilly grinned. “Just a

game where we’re going to kick their asses.”

Sean grinned back. “Damn right.”

Reilly hustled back to the Angels’ sideline and knelt by the players’

bench to make sure all her gear was still together. The Angels were in

the fi eld fi rst, and she didn’t want to have to search for her glove when

the game started. Pulling off her batting glove, she stuffed it into the

back pocket of her shorts. When she stood, Liz was beside her.

“Hi, Liz!”

“Hi yourself. You didn’t tell me you were an ace hitter,” Liz

teased.

“I’ve had a few lucky games,” Reilly said, trying not to stare.

Liz’s hair looked lighter in the sunlight, almost as if strands of gold

had been spun through the dark auburn. Her green eyes were warm and

unabashedly welcoming. In navy shorts and a white ribbed tank top,

she looked younger and softer than she had in her business clothes. For

just a second, Reilly remained silent, merely enjoying the sight of her.

Then Liz tilted her head very slightly, as if in question, and Reilly said

the fi rst thing that came into her mind. “I was hoping you’d make it.”

“Oh, well I…” Liz glanced over the fi eld and down the slope to the

other six fi elds, caught off-guard by the pleasure of Reilly’s pleasure.

“This is amazing. It beats the hell out of corporate dinners.”

“I know what you mean.” Reilly looked toward the Hammers’

bench. “So I saw you consorting with the enemy.”

“The enemy?” Liz frowned, then followed Reilly’s gaze. “Oh.

You mean Parker. I didn’t even know she played until ten minutes ago.

• 50 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

But I understand her team has been giving you a beating.”

“A beating? They’re tied with us for fi rst place,” Reilly exploded.

“Hell, they wouldn’t even be there if we hadn’t had to take a loss one

night when we couldn’t fi eld the team. Three of us ended up getting

called in for a multi-vehicle pile-up—” She narrowed her eyes as Liz

burst into laughter. “Not funny. That was really not funny.”

“I can see you take your softball seriously.”

“What’s the point of playing if you don’t want to win?” Reilly liked

the way Liz laughed. It was the fi rst time she’d seen her so unguarded,

and it wasn’t until that moment that she realized Liz’s features had been

shadowed by sadness or worry or both until now. Like this, with the

sunlight slanting across her face and her eyes suffused with pleasure,

she was beautiful. Just plain beautiful.

“I’m torn as to who to support,” Liz confi ded. “My associate over

there, along with a bunch of other attorneys I know—or, you, over here.

Maybe I just shouldn’t pick sides.”

“Whatever Parker’s offering, I’ll double it,” Reilly teased. “Beer,

pizza—you’ve got it.”

“She hasn’t actually gotten to the bribing stage yet. Besides, I

imagine you’ve got lots of fans cheering you on.”

For just a second, Reilly’s smile faltered and then she caught her

breath and forced the past back where it belonged. “I could always use

someone in my corner.”

Liz’s eyes grew serious. “I know what you mean. So. Where

should I stand?”

Reilly grasped Liz’s hand and tugged her toward an open spot on

the Angels’ bench. “You should be able to see from here well enough.

Be warned, if you get up someone’s likely to steal your spot.”

“I’m an attorney, Reilly. No one moves in on me.” She caught

herself, then shook her head ruefully. “Well, at least not until

recently.”

“Forget about that for tonight.” Reilly realized she was still

holding Liz’s hand, but since Liz wasn’t pulling it away, Reilly swept

her thumb slowly back and forth over the smooth skin. “It’s Friday

night and we’re about to kick some lawyer ass.”

“There’s something slightly perverse in me cheering about that,”

Liz said, “but I think that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“Good decision, counselor,” Reilly said, feeling unaccountably

• 51 •

RADCLY fFE

lighthearted. “I have to warm up.” Reluctantly, she released Liz’s

hand. Her palm felt warm from the heat of Liz’s touch and she closed

her fi ngers to hold it in. “If you’re still here after the game, I’ll buy you

that beer.”

“We’ll see,” Liz said. “But thanks.”

Reilly backed away. “You’re welcome.”

Liz watched Reilly run onto the fi eld, noting that her initial

assessment of Reilly’s body had been wrong. As in understatement.

Reilly was more than tight and well conditioned. Her shoulders were

broad and strong, her ass fi rm and just round enough to hold onto. Her

thighs were more muscular then Liz had gleaned, even considering the

way her jeans had stretched over them. Reilly was the epitome of hot,

in the way of some women who were just a little rough around the

edges.

“Walking on the wild side, baby?” Candace murmured from so

close by Liz jumped.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Just long enough to see her practically eye-fucking you.”

Liz caught her breath, surprised at the undercurrent of animosity

in Candace’s voice. She’d always sensed lingering attraction from

Candace, but Candace had never made a move while Liz had been with

Julia. And she’d never been so overtly jealous before. “Jesus, Cand.

What’s the matter with you? We were only talking.”

“You’ve been out of circulation a long time,” Candace said fl atly,

her eyes tracking Reilly as she fi elded the ball at shortstop and sidearmed it hard and fast to fi rst base. “You’re not used to picking up on

the signals. And she was sending them loud and clear. As in she wants

to get into your pants.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Liz said, watching Reilly now, too.

“We’ve had a few pleasant conversations. She’s refreshingly direct.

And honest.”

Candace cut her a look. “What does that have to do with her

wanting a piece of your ass?”

“Okay.” Liz blew out a breath, frustrated by Candace’s obstinacy.

“What is it that’s really bugging you? Because I can’t believe it’s the

fact that someone might possibly fi nd me attractive, which I’m not

saying I believe is true.”

• 52 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Julia used you, and you didn’t even

know what was happening,” Candace said emphatically. “Now you’re

going to have a baby and the last thing you need is someone who’s

going to play with your affections.”

Liz laughed, then held up her hand when she saw Candace’s

eyes spark with anger. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, really. I know you’re just

worried about me. I know you care about me. But Candace, come on!

I’m thirty-fi ve years old and hardly a blushing virgin.”

“Who’s a virgin?” Bren asked as she joined them.

“Actually, sweetie,” Candace said, “I always thought you were.”

Bren gave her a long contemplative look. “Not everyone announces

their every orgasm.”

“I certainly hope not.” Candace smiled slyly. “I’d never have time

to buy and sell. And don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to change the

subject.”

“And don’t think I don’t know you’ve been trying to get me to tell

you the details of my sex life since the day you moved into the dorm,”

Bren said. “Keeping you guessing is the way I keep you interested.”

Candace settled both arms around Bren’s shoulders and leaned in

close, front to front. Her few inches of extra height brought her breasts

perilously close to Bren’s face, and her tight stretch top made it clear

she wasn’t wearing a bra. “You don’t have to tease me to keep me

interested.”

“You know,” Bren said, tilting her chin up so she wouldn’t have

to stare at Candace’s nipples, “you might fool most people, but I know

you’re a lot more than a pretty face and a gorgeous body.”

“Don’t tell.” Candace brushed a kiss over Bren’s cheek. “And

since I can’t get anywhere with you, I’m going to fi nd some pom-poms

and wave them at Parker.”

Bren shook her head fondly as Candace slipped away, then glanced

at Liz. “So? That’s her at shortstop, huh? Reilly?”

“Yes.”

“She’s good-looking. Different than I expected.”

“How so?” Liz suppressed an urge to wave when she caught Reilly

glancing her way, before staring intently back at the batter.

“I guess I expect you to be more interested in women like Julia or

Candace or…who was the one after Candace? Susan?”

• 53 •

RADCLY fFE

“Suzanne McKenzie,” Liz replied, feeling as if she were looking

back into a different lifetime. “My fi rst and last love affair with a

straight girl. God, she kept me on the line for a long time.”

“Well, she was pretty. And she had great breasts.”

Liz chuckled ruefully. “She did.”

“Reilly looks a little more…complicated than the others.”

“You mean because she’s more butch?”

“No. Well, she is, but that’s not exactly what I mean. There’s

something about her,” Bren mused, “that makes me think there’s a lot

going on under the surface. Not like Parker, for instance.”

“Oh, don’t sell Parker short. Maybe she just acts like she’s only

interested in sex.”

“Maybe. But I bet it’s Reilly who has the secrets.”

“Don’t we all?” Liz asked.

“Yes. But some secrets have the power to hurt.”

“What’s hurting you, sweetie?” Liz slipped her arm around Bren’s

shoulders.

“Nothing that a night out with you and Candace won’t cure.”

“Did anyone ever tell you,” Liz said, “that you’ve got a way with

words?”

Relaxing into Liz’s embrace, Bren replied, “A time or two.”

Liz jumped at the sharp crack of a bat and watched a ball rocket

across the infi eld. Reilly was nothing but a blur as she dove headlong

toward the ground, both arms outstretched. Everyone nearby gave a

collective gasp as Reilly rolled several times and came to a stop on her

back, then lay motionless. Heart pounding, Liz took one step forward,

then halted abruptly as Reilly’s arm rose straight up into the air to

display the ball captured in the web of her mitt.

The umpire called the third out, and Reilly’s bench broke into loud

cheers as Reilly jumped up.

“Hot dog,” someone muttered, and Liz noticed Parker beside

her, frowning toward the fi eld. Candace stood with her, her fi ngertips

grazing Parker’s arm.

“Pretty spectacular catch,” Liz countered.

“Yeah yeah,” Parker grumbled good-naturedly. “Let’s see how

she’ll do against my fastball.”

Candace put her mouth close to Parker’s ear and murmured loud

enough for Liz to hear, “I can’t believe anybody can beat you when

• 54 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

you’re on your game. And I bet you’ll be on your game tonight.”

Parker gave Candace a long look. “Why don’t you stick around

after and fi nd out.”

“Why don’t you show me what you’ve got,” Candace suggested,

“and I’ll let you know.”

“Watch me,” Parker growled, then broke away and ran out onto

the fi eld.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hiding that at your offi ce,”

Candace chided Liz. “I would’ve come to more of your offi ce parties.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Liz muttered, remembering Candace

disappearing for an hour with one of the bartenders at the Christmas

party. “You ogle Parker. I’ll be right back.”

Liz skirted around the equipment bags and knelt down behind

the bench where Reilly was seated with some of her teammates. “Nice

play.”

Reilly swiveled around until she faced Liz. When she spread her

legs to lean forward, her bare knees were almost touching the outside of

Liz’s arms. “Lucky catch, but don’t say I told you that.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Liz said.

“Thanks,” Reilly said solemnly.

“You’re welcome,” Liz replied, certain they weren’t talking about

softball any longer.

• 55 •

• 56 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER SIX

I’ll be back in a few minutes. Bathroom,” Bren said, although

she doubted Liz would actually miss her. Liz’s attention was

totally focused on Reilly. Thinking back, she couldn’t remember Liz

ever having been so into Julia, not even during those fi rst few weeks

of romantic psychosis. Liz had been crazy about Candace at the

beginning—so crazy that she’d denied the insanity of getting involved

with an inexperienced but sexually avaricious 18-year-old—and that

had predictably ended in disaster. Not that Brenda thought Liz was

contemplating a relationship with Reilly, at least not consciously, but

Liz defi nitely seemed to be intrigued.

“And maybe that’s just what she needs,” Bren murmured as she

threaded her way through the crowd and climbed the slope to the park

building in search of restrooms. Liz hadn’t seemed happy in a long

time, and now that her life was in such turmoil, maybe a crush would

take her mind off Julia and help ease her through the transition.

“It’s not like she’s going to get involved or anything.”

Confi dent that Liz wouldn’t be that crazy, Bren concentrated

on following the narrow, overgrown path around the perimeter of the

sprawling, cement block structure for some sign of the restroom. The

side of the building facing the ball fi elds had once been a concession

stand, but that was now boarded over and clearly no longer in use.

Continuing through the ankle high, scraggly grass, she turned a corner

and discovered an open archway with faded green letters above that

read Women. She was happy she hadn’t waited until after dark, because

even in the waning daylight the area looked deserted and mildly

foreboding. She felt even less comfortable when she stepped through

the archway into a large, dimly lit room with concrete walls and fl oors.

The only light came through two narrow rectangular windows high up

on the far wall. Four doorless stalls lined one wall, and two cracked,

• 57 •

RADCLY fFE

dirty porcelain sinks occupied the near corner. “Rustic” was a kind

descriptor.

Taking a tentative step deeper inside, Bren drew up short at the

sound of a soft moan. Her fi rst inclination was to fl ee, but another

part of her was curious. Cautiously she crept forward and peered

into the recesses of the fi rst stall. A blond woman, a little older than

Brenda, leaned with her shoulders against the cinderblock partition that

separated the space from the next stall. When she turned her head and

smiled faintly at Brenda, her eyes appeared slightly dazed. Bren could

tell her breasts were larger than average and her legs long and shapely

since her blouse was unbuttoned low enough to expose her hard nipples

and her skirt was hiked up to her hips. A short-haired brunette in grubby

blue jeans, biker boots, and a sleeveless black T-shirt knelt between her

legs, licking her.

Bren caught a glimpse of a moist pink tongue disappearing into the

apex of the creamy thighs and heard soft sucking followed by another

throaty moan. Instinctively, she took a step back.

“Don’t go,” the blonde whispered and even though her words

were faint, they held a hint of command.

Captivated by the tone and the scene, Bren stared as the blonde

drove her fi ngers through the kneeling woman’s short, slick black hair

and directed her mouth where she wanted her.

“Lick me there. That’s right,” the blonde murmured.

Bren could just make out the line of the bottom’s jaw as she

intensifi ed her efforts, alternately sucking and tonguing the blonde. Jae,

oh God, it’s Jae, which she couldn’t be, of course, because Jae wasn’t

real. At least not to anyone except Brenda. Except—except this woman

kneeling on the fi lthy fl oor with her hands clasped between her tight

denim-sheathed thighs, pleasuring a woman whom Bren was sure was

a stranger to her, was exactly as Bren had seen her countless times in

her mind’s eye.

“Ahhh,” the blonde sighed, her eyes on Bren, her thighs trembling.

“She has a talented tongue. She’s going to make me come.”

“I know,” Brenda whispered, her gaze alternating between the

blonde’s face and Jae’s mouth devouring her.

The blonde’s breasts lifted and fell with each panting breath, and

her hips writhed restlessly. She stared down at the woman between her

legs, and Bren knew she was on the verge of coming.

• 58 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“You can masturbate, if you must,” the blonde gasped, and Bren

wasn’t certain to whom she was speaking—her or Jae. Keeping her

hands by her sides, she watched Jae fumble with her jeans. When Jae

shoved a hand into her gaping fl y and groaned, Bren turned away. She

wouldn’t watch Jae come while making love to another woman. Not

unless she dictated it.

Stumbling outside, Bren blinked at the sudden assault of lingering

daylight and struggled for breath. A thin wail followed her and she halfran down the slope, chased by the ghosts of her own making.

O

“How’s it going?” Bren asked when she rejoined Liz, who hadn’t

moved since Bren last saw her.

“They’re tied with two innings to go.” Liz glanced at Bren, then

frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course.”

“You sure? You look…upset.”

“No. I’m not. I…” Bren shrugged. “I walked in on two women

having a moment in the restroom.”

“You’re kidding.” Liz laughed. “Although I’m not sure why I’m

surprised. You can practically see the pheromones in the air around

here. God, I haven’t walked in on a hot make out session since we lived

in the dorms. I feel old.”

“They weren’t making out.” Bren saw Jae on her knees, heard the

scene play out, knew just the way Jae’s face would look as she brought

herself to orgasm seconds after making the blond stranger come. She

ached to write it, capturing the instant when the pleasure made her

blind.

“Bren?”

“Hmm?” Bren asked, feigning interest in the game being played in

front of her rather than in her mind.

“What were they doing?”

“Oh. Uh, one of them was going down on the other one.”

“Well,” Liz said almost reverently. “I’m sorry I missed that. Did

you know them? Oh God, it wasn’t Candace was it?”

Bren laughed. “No, it wasn’t Candace. If it had been, I’d probably

still be watching.”

• 59 •

RADCLY fFE

“Watching what?” Candace said, bumping her hip against Bren’s

as she joined them.

“Bren walked in on a bit of oral sex in the bathroom,” Liz confi ded.

“Really?” Candace said with interest. She pivoted, surveying the

fi eld. “Where is it?”

“Never mind,” Bren said, slipping her arm through Candace’s.

“I’m sure they’re done by now, and besides, it’s not your kind of place.

I think there was mold growing in the cracks on the fl oor.”

“Okay, that’s yech. But was it hot?”

“Yes,” Bren said quietly, remembering Jae’s tight, slender body

and the way her mouth moved with such certainty over the blonde’s

pumping sex. “She was very hot.”

“I don’t suppose you got her name?”

Bren smiled. “No. I didn’t need it.”

O

“I never realized I’d fi nd dirty, sweating women such a turn on,”

Candace announced as she stood between Liz and Bren on the Angels’

sideline. “I bet Parker plays just as hard in the bedroom as she does out

there, too.”

“Why do I think you’re going to fi nd out?” Liz teased. She barely

heard Candace’s laughing reply as Reilly strode up to bat. “Quiet now.

The Angels are down a run and this is Reilly’s last at-bat. She’s only

managed to get a single off Parker all night.”

“You talk like a veteran already,” Bren said.

“Just listening to everyone else,” Liz replied nonchalantly.

“Uh-huh. And of course, Reilly’s been giving you an instant replay

every time she’s come off the fi eld.”

Liz didn’t answer as Reilly straddled the plate, looking relaxed

even though the muscles in her forearms stood out in stark relief as

she gripped her bat and angled it over her right shoulder. Her face was

a study in concentration as she regarded Parker on the mound going

through her elaborate pitching routine—rolling her shoulders, checking

the runner at fi rst base with a quick feint throw, squinting at Reilly as if

she were an insignifi cant speck on the horizon.

“They’re really cute, aren’t they,” Candace murmured. “All bristly

and competitive.”

• 60 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Reilly said she played in college, but I think it was a little more

than recreational.”

“Parker told me she had a sports scholarship, too.” Candace

chuckled. “While we were partying and picking up girls, they were

probably studying their playbooks.”

“You were picking up girls,” Liz reminded her. “I was doing my

fair amount of studying.”

Parker fi red a pitch. Reilly swung and missed.

“Oh, Parker smoked her,” Candace crowed.

“Lucky,” Liz muttered.

“Oh sure. She’s been lucky all night, which is why Reilly’s team

only has two runs.”

“Parker’s team hasn’t done much better.”

Bren interjected, “You two sound like sports wives. Cut it out, it’s

scary.”

Parker rifl ed another fastball. Reilly swung and missed.

“Damn,” Liz exclaimed.

“I wonder if winning makes Parker horny,” Candace mused.

“Whenever I close a big deal, the fi rst thing I want to do is have sex.”

“She hasn’t won yet,” Liz reminded her.

“You always want to have sex,” Bren noted.

“Of course,” Candace went on, “I have to fi gure out how to get her

away from her teammates after the game.”

“There’s always the bathroom,” Bren said helpfully.

“Thank you so much,” Candace said. “I had something a little

more elegant in mi—”

Parker’s arm blurred. Reilly swung, her bat slicing the air as her

body uncoiled like a snapped spring. A sharp crack split the air, and the

ball streaked into deep left fi eld.

“Yes!” Liz cried. “Go, Reilly!”

Reilly raced around fi rst and rounded on second base. The runner

ahead of her scored. The game was tied. Reilly headed for third. The

left fi elder caught the ball on the bounce and fi red it to third. Reilly slid

under the tag. Safe at third.

“Oh yes,” Liz said. “Reilly is the winning run. All we need is

a hit.”

“I wonder how Parker feels about sex if she loses,” Candace

grumbled.

• 61 •

RADCLY fFE

“Maybe you’ll fi nd out,” Liz replied. “If I don’t strangle you

fi rst.”

Candace laughed. “I never knew you were so competitive.”

Liz caught herself before she could say there were a lot of things

about her that Candace didn’t seem to know. Their ill-fated love affair

was a thing of the past, and it surprised her to realize she still harbored

some resentment. Maybe it was the recent pain of Julia leaving her,

and the realization that once again she had counted on someone to be

there for her, and she’d been wrong. Maybe it was her damn hormones.

She was edgy and moody and, although she wouldn’t admit it with

Candace around, horny. When she didn’t wake up nauseous, she woke

up horny. And the smoldering arousal didn’t appear to be limited just

to the morning, either. The last week or so she’d found herself thinking

about sex in the middle of the day. Another change she defi nitely didn’t

welcome. And watching Reilly all night didn’t help. She had to agree

with Candace—dusty, sweaty, adrenaline-charged jocks were defi nitely

hot.

“Mindless lust,” she muttered. “Like I really need that now.”

“Anytime is a good time for that,” Bren whispered.

Liz colored. “Just tell me no one else heard that.”

“I think you’re safe. There’s too much screaming going on.”

“Thankfully.” Liz gripped Bren’s arm as the next batter settled in

at the plate. “Two outs. Reilly on third. Pray for a hit.”

Beside her, Candace screamed, “Strike her out, Parker! Come on,

baby. Blow one by her.”

“Candace, honey,” Liz warned. “You might not want to yell that

on this side of the fi eld.”

“You’ll protect me.”

Liz might want to strangle her, but Candace was right. She loved

her. They were friends.

“All the same,” Liz said, sliding her free arm around Candace’s

waist. “Let’s not tempt fate.”

Parker stared down the batter while Reilly crouched at third, ready

to spring as soon as the ball was struck. Liz focused on Reilly, fascinated

by her intensity. It was just a game, but Reilly threw herself into it

as if it were the most important thing in her life. Liz imagined Reilly

was that way about everything, and for just an instant, she allowed

herself to envision what it would be like to be the focus of that kind of

• 62 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

attention. A restless stirring inside immediately warned her away from

such dangerous thoughts.

The ball rocketed from Parker’s hand. The bat fl ashed golden in

the slanting rays of the evening sun. The batter connected, the ball shot

towards second, and Reilly surged toward home plate. Parker dove and

intercepted the ball in the infi eld, then rolled to her knees and fi red it

toward home.

“Slide, Reilly, slide,” a dozen voices screamed.

Reilly hit the dirt just as the catcher snagged the ball and swept her

glove across the plate.

Silence fell over the fi eld, then the umpire waved her arms and

shouted, “Safe!”

Cheers erupted. The Angels had won.

Liz clapped, caught up in the jubilation as Reilly was swamped

by her teammates. Then, Reilly broke free and ran toward her, a huge

grin on her face.

“I think you brought me luck,” Reilly panted.

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Liz replied. “You were great.”

“Thanks.”

Liz glanced down, then exclaimed, “Reilly, your leg is bleeding.”

“Huh? Oh—that’s just a little turf burn from sliding. No big

deal.”

“Is that just you being tough, or is it really okay?”

Reilly smiled. “It’ll be fi ne when it’s cleaned up.”

Bren appeared next to Liz. “Great job, Reilly. I thought for sure

you’d get tagged at the plate. Nice slide.”

Liz raised her eyebrows. “Are you a closet softball player,

Bren?”

“I played in high school,” Bren admitted.

“You think you know your friends…” Liz teased.

“Well, how much do we ever really know anyone?” Bren smiled

at Reilly. “Anyhow, great game.”

Parker jogged up and clapped Reilly on the shoulder. “Nice

running, Danvers.”

“Nice pitching. Good game. Especially considering the score.”

“Well, we’ll get a rematch in the playoffs.”

“Looking forward to it,” Reilly said.

“Me too,” Parker said before looking to Liz and the others. “So—

• 63 •

RADCLY fFE

are you all up for beer and a burger? A bunch of us are heading over to

the Elm Street Pub.”

Liz hesitated. Reilly was probably going to the pub, and she

wasn’t certain that spending more time with her was wise. Even though

Reilly hadn’t intimated she was interested in her in any way, really, Liz

didn’t want to give her the wrong idea. On the other hand, the prospect

of spending the rest of the evening at home in her half-empty condo,

surrounded by reminders of her most recent failure, was depressing.

She turned to Bren and Candace. “What do you say?”

“I’ve got some work I’ve been putting off,” Bren said. “I think I’ll

head home. You can give Candace a ride, right Liz?”

“I’ll take care of Candace,” Parker said quickly.

Candace gave Parker a slow once over. “I guess I’m going to the

pub, then.” She grasped Liz’s hand. “Come with. It’ll be fun.”

Liz glanced at Reilly.

“Come on,” Reilly said with a smile, although her eyes were

unexpectedly serious. “You have to help us celebrate whipping the

Hammers.”

“Hey!” Parker protested.

“Okay,” Liz agreed, deciding there was no harm in a friendly gettogether. And after all, there was safety in numbers, and Candace would

be there.

After Liz and Candace hugged Bren goodbye, Candace sidled

over to Liz while Reilly and Parker gathered their gear. “Does Reilly

know about the baby?”

“No. Why should she?”

“If you’re thinking of dating—”

“I’m not.”

“Okay. But maybe you should let her know that.”

“Don’t worry. I will, if I need to,” Liz said irritably. “Sometimes,

two lesbians can just be friends, you know.”

“Uh-huh.” Candace linked her arm through Liz’s. “Then I guess

we should go join our friends.”

“You know, sometimes you’re a real pain in the ass.”

Candace laughed. “I know, but you still love me.”

Liz watched Reilly shoulder her equipment bag and tried not to

think about friends and lovers and the shifting boundaries that divided

them.

• 64 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER SEVEN

Reilly leaned back in her chair across the rickety scarred

wood tabletop from Liz and watched her laugh at something

Candace was telling her. Parker had squeezed onto the bench seat next

to Candace and Liz, and all the adjoining tables were fi lled with players,

from their teams and others. The baseline noise level in the crowded,

dimly lit sports bar was so loud that ordinary conversation was a

challenge, and Reilly couldn’t hear the joke. She didn’t mind, though,

because being on the edge of the action gave her the opportunity to

observe Liz without being obvious about it.

Ordinarily, she didn’t stay for more than one beer—just long

enough to keep Sean and her other teammates from bugging her about

never going out. Work and softball and her nights at the dojang were

plenty to fi ll up her time. She didn’t go to parties. Being single was

pretty much like having a blinking sign on her back saying “hit on

me,” and she got tired of saying no. She got tired of asking herself

why she was still saying no, too. Tonight was unusual. Getting a win

off the Hammers was always a high, but that wasn’t the only reason

she was feeling so good. Liz tilted her head back and laughed again,

emphasizing the long, smooth column of her neck, and Reilly was

reminded of how deceptively fragile a woman’s body could appear.

She imagined if she skimmed her fi ngertips along the angle of Liz’s jaw

and over her throat she’d discover the steely strength of tight muscles

beneath satin skin. Her gaze drifted lower to the swell of Liz’s breasts

and her hands trembled. Quickly, she lifted her gaze and found Liz

staring at her with a half-smile.

Nonplussed, Reilly drained her beer and only then remembered

she had come right from the hospital after spending the entire afternoon

reconstructing an open shoulder from a gunshot wound. She hadn’t had

time for dinner, and now she had a bit of a buzz on. That probably

explained why she felt fl ushed and just a little bit shaky. Her pulse was

• 65 •

RADCLY fFE

racing, too. She looked at the empty bottle clenched in her fi st. It was

only her second, at least, that’s what she thought. Or had Parker bought

another round for the table a while ago? Jesus, it wasn’t like her not to

pay attention to what was going on around her.

“You okay?” Liz asked, leaning across the table. “You looked like

you were a million miles away.”

“Just winding down,” Reilly said as she edged forward to close the

distance between them. At least Liz hadn’t said she’d looked like she

was undressing Liz in her mind, which she hadn’t been. Not exactly.

Although she could still almost feel the hot pebbling of hard nipples

against her palms. “Did you enjoy the game?”

“It was great.” Liz chuckled. “Just what I need, a little more

competition during my off hours because I don’t get enough during the

day.”

“Didn’t you say you play squash? Now that’s a tough game.”

“Oh sure. And from the looks of the scrapes on your leg and the gash

on Parker’s elbow, you play softball just for the social interaction.”

Reilly grinned, and although her head might be a little fuzzy, she

noticed that Liz had very neatly diverted the subject away from herself.

“Playing it safe never gets you anywhere. Nothing to lose, nothing to

win.”

For a second, Liz’s smile faltered and Reilly wondered what it

was she had said. She replayed the conversation in her mind, and other

than realizing that she very rarely had any kind of conversation with a

woman, she couldn’t put her fi nger on anything amiss. Nevertheless,

Liz seemed upset. Reilly slid her hand across the table and rested

her fi ngers on Liz’s. “Are you okay? You’re not still feeling sick, are

you?”

“No,” Liz said quickly. “I feel great. It’s just been a long week. I

think I’ll call it a night.”

Ignoring the surge of disappointment that came out of nowhere,

Reilly said, “I’ll walk out with you.”

“Just give me a minute to make sure Candace has a way home.”

Reilly signaled good night to Sean, who sat at a nearby table

with Drew, and stood as Liz half-crawled over Candace and Parker to

squeeze out between their table and the one next to it.

“All set?” Liz asked.

“Yes. Candace taken care of?”

• 66 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Parker is giving her a ride.”

Reilly didn’t comment as she wended her way single-fi le behind

Liz through the boisterous crowd. Once outside, she breathed deeply

and tried to decide if her head was clear enough to drive. At just after

nine p.m., the sky was dark but the air still warm. A night breeze carried

the lingering scent of cut grass and hot earth. The smell of summer

always made her think of being a kid, and how damned easy it had

all seemed then. Endless summer—if she’d only known it would end

someday. But then, life was like that—you couldn’t go back when you

were fi nally smart enough to appreciate what you had.

“Where did you park?” Reilly asked, pushing aside the familiar

melancholy.

“Around the corner on Lincoln Drive.”

“I’ll walk you.”

“You don’t have to,” Liz said. “Isn’t that your car across the

street?”

“Yes, but I’m going to take the train. One beer too many.”

Liz shook her head. “You most certainly are not. I’ll take you

wherever you want to go. Will your car be all right here tonight?”

“It should be. This is a residential area. But you don’t need to—”

“And who was it who gave me a ride home not so long ago when

I was a little off my game?” Liz grabbed Reilly’s hand. “Don’t argue.

We’re practically neighbors, so you know it’s not out of my way.”

Reilly tensed as Liz’s fi ngers curled around hers. It was a friendly

gesture, nothing more. She tried to remember the last time anyone had

touched her and couldn’t.

Liz looked down at their joined hands and let go. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m just jumpy.”

“Come on, my car’s over here,” Liz replied, looking as if she

didn’t believe Reilly’s explanation.

Reilly couldn’t think of a reason to refuse, and she didn’t really

want to. She’d enjoyed Liz’s attention while she was playing earlier.

Every time she’d looked across the fi eld, their eyes had met. The

connection was probably only in her mind, but it felt good in a way

she’d forgotten. Her enjoyment in fi elding a ball or getting a hit had

been heightened because Liz was watching. Foolish, maybe, but

pleasurable, just the same.

“I appreciate it, thanks.”

• 67 •

RADCLY fFE

“You’re welcome.” Liz walked around the driver’s side of her car

and regarded Reilly with a smile. “Besides, I owe you for introducing

me to the guilty pleasure of softball voyeurism.”

“Hell, if you think tonight was good, you’ll have to come to the

Tournament Ball at the end of the season.”

Liz quirked an eyebrow. “You mean ball as in dance?”

Reilly nodded.

“You’re not kidding?”

Reilly shook her head.

“Candace is not going to believe this.”

O

“I guess this isn’t your usual Friday night fare,” Parker said,

sliding back into the booth next to Candace and placing a martini in

front of her.

“Thanks,” Candace said, taking a sip. She’d been pleasantly

surprised to fi nd that the bartender did a nice job with the mixed drinks,

even though almost everyone was drinking beer. “What do you think

I’m usually doing on Friday night?”

“Dinner, the theater, drinks after at the Chelsea Lounge.”

Candace smiled at the reference to the city’s newest watering hole,

where the in-crowd went to see and be seen. And Parker was right, it

was one of her favorite places to end the evening if she hadn’t already

found a companion for the night. The mix was refreshingly metro, and

she never had any diffi culty fi nding a female partner. She didn’t worry

about marital status or even primary sexual identity, because she wasn’t

in the market for a relationship. She was pleased that Parker seemed to

be on the same wavelength. “Correct on all counts.”

“So I should consider myself lucky you ended up here,” Parker

replied.

“Are you feeling lucky?” Candace teased.

“I usually am.”

Parker pulled on her beer bottle and stretched one toned and slightly

dust-smudged arm out along the back of the bench behind Candace’s

shoulder, looking nothing like the high powered attorney Candace

surmised her to be. What she did look like was a very confi dent and

sexy woman. About Candace’s height, putting her several inches above

• 68 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

average, Parker had a rangy build with long lean legs, small breasts, and

nicely developed shoulders and arms. Her medium length chestnut hair

was in disarray but managed to look stylishly attractive nevertheless.

Expensive haircuts would do that for you.

“I’m surprised you didn’t have a cheering squad tonight,” Candace

probed. Interest had been signaled, now it was time to set down the

ground rules.

“I don’t tend to cultivate the kind of relationships that generate

fans.”

“How about a wife who prefers staying home with a good

book?”

“Nope.”

“No steady girlfriends?”

“Not a one.”

Candace laughed. “But a few not so steady ones?”

Parker grinned. “It’s been my experience that repeat performances

usually carry strings, and I’m more of a woodwind type myself.”

“As in you blow hard and fast and then you’re gone?”

“Something like that,” Parker acknowledged. “How about

yourself?”

Candace reached under the table and smoothed her palm up and

down the inside of Parker’s bare thigh. She let her fi ngertips stop just

beneath the edge of her shorts. “What would you say?”

“Snare drum,” Parker said immediately, covering Candace’s hand

and easing it a little higher until Candace felt the heat pouring from her

skin. “A blast beat that takes your breath away.”

“I’d say we’re well-attuned.” Candace considered sliding her

fi ngers just an inch or so higher and investigating how much hotter, and

wetter, Parker was. She hadn’t made a woman come in a public place

in a long time.

“I have very good control,” Parker said, as if reading Candace’s

mind. Her voice had dropped what seemed like an octave at the same

time as her hand had drifted from the back of the bench to Candace’s

shoulder. She stroked Candace’s arm and brushed her lips over the rim

of Candace’s ear. “In case you were thinking of taking advantage of

me.”

Candace turned her head just enough to whisper against Parker’s

mouth, “I intend to take everything you have to offer.”

• 69 •

RADCLY fFE

Parker’s thigh twitched beneath Candace’s fi ngers. “Are you ready

to leave?”

“I’ve been ready since the minute I saw you tonight.”

O

“Lick me there. That’s right,” the blonde murmured.

Jae caught the distended clit between her lips and swept her

tongue back and forth against the sensitive spot underneath, the spot

that made the standing woman bite back a whimper every time she

touched it. She thought she heard the staccato click of heels against the

marble fl oor of the casino lounge, but didn’t slow her pace, sensing the

orgasm gathering in the hot pulsing fl esh against her mouth. The tile

was cool beneath her knees and her tuxedo pants were a vise against

her throbbing crotch.

“Ahhh,” the blonde sighed, her thighs trembling. “She has a

talented tongue. She’s going to make me come.”

“I know,” Jae heard someone whisper. Not alone then. Eyes

closed, she sucked and teased until the fi ngers gripping her hair shook

violently. Above her, the blonde panted for breath while her hips writhed

restlessly. Yes, she would come soon. Very soon.

“You can masturbate, if you must,” the blonde gasped, and

Jae wasn’t certain to whom she was speaking—her or the unknown

observer—but she didn’t care. Permission had been given, and she

needed it. Needed it so much. She fumbled with her trousers and

fi nally got the button open. Jae shoved a hand into her gaping fl y and

gripped her clit, hard and slippery and aching. Groaning, she vibrated it

between her fi ngers and sucked harder. She would come, had to come,

because her fl esh was burning, bursting, but it wasn’t coming she cared

about. She felt her mistress harden even more, fi lling her mouth, and

she devoted herself to only one thing, delivering the pleasure she had

been entrusted to give.

“Oh yes,” the blonde keened, her voice a thin high wail. “Yes. I’m

coming.”

With the cry of pleasure enveloping her, Jae squeezed and twisted

until her swollen fl esh released her. Drained, she sagged forward, her

cheek against the smooth thigh. Warm fi ngertips briefl y caressed her

• 70 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

face. Then the blonde shifted and Jae was alone on her knees in the

empty stall.

Bren leaned back from the keyboard, sipped her wine, and slowly

reread the passage. The entire time she’d been writing, she’d held the

image of the dark-haired woman from the bathroom in her mind. At

some point, the Jae she knew almost as well as she knew herself and the

fl esh and blood rendition she’d seen earlier became one, and the scene

unfolded with perfect clarity. The mistress was blond, large breasted

and luscious, commanding and so sensuous. Everything Bren was not.

But the blonde’s orgasm, her sweet surrender to Jae’s talented mouth,

had been Bren’s.

“Jae,” she whispered. “What are you doing?”

O

“Are you working this weekend?” Liz asked as she took the exit

from the Vine Street overpass onto Twenty-third Street. As she headed

south of Market into a more residential section of Center City, the traffi c

eased and she glanced at Reilly in the passenger seat. Reilly sprawled,

legs apart, head back, forearms resting in the bend of her thighs. She

gave the appearance of being utterly relaxed, but Liz felt a thrum of

barely suppressed tension vibrate in the air between them.

“No,” Reilly replied. “I’m back-up call on Sunday, and it’s

probably fi fty-fi fty that I’ll get called in, but I’m not on fi rst call again

until Monday. There are fi ve of us, so it works out to about once every

four days, considering vacations and things like that.”

“How about I pick you up in the morning and take you back to

your car?”

Reilly rolled her head to the side and regarded Liz for so long

Liz thought she was going to refuse. Then she said, “Only if I buy you

breakfast.”

“The Downtown Diner?” Liz asked.

“Is there any other place?”

“Not that I can think of.” Liz hoped her stomach would be settled

enough to do the place justice.

“So we have a deal?” Reilly asked.

• 71 •

RADCLY fFE

“Deal,” Liz repeated. Not a date, she immediately added silently

as Candace’s warning that she should tell Reilly about the baby echoed

in her mind. She would tell her, if the right moment came along, but

the topic wasn’t something that just popped up in casual conversation.

And that’s all that was really happening between them—a few casual

meetings. They were neighbors, but she needed to know someone a lot

better than that before she confessed her secrets. “Is eight o’clock too

early?”

“I’m a surgeon, remember? That’s lunch.”

Liz laughed as she turned onto Pine and double-parked in front

of the address Reilly gave her. “I keep early hours, too, but Saturday is

Saturday. You’re allowed to sleep in.”

Even with Reilly’s face partially in shadow, Liz could see her

expression change. For a brief instant, sadness washed across her

features, blunting the sharp clear planes of her face and leaving a

shimmering after-image of loss. Liz leaned closer and touched Reilly’s

hand. “I wish…”

Liz hesitated, surprised both by her actions and her uncertain

sentiment. What was she doing? Reilly grew very still, her hand slowly

closing into a fi st beneath Liz’s fi ngers. Liz fought the urge to wrap

both her hands around Reilly’s, as if she could take away the hurt with

something as simple as a touch. Foolish, because she should know

better than anyone that wasn’t possible.

“You took such good care of me the other day,” Liz said. “I wish I

could somehow return the favor.”

“Well,” Reilly said, her voice husky, “you did cheer for me tonight,

and I’m pretty sure I got that last hit because you were louder than

anyone out there.”

Liz recognized the evasion, but respected Reilly’s right to her

privacy. God knew, she protected her own. “Then I’ll have to do it

more often.”

“That should work.” Reilly turned her hand over and squeezed

Liz’s fi ngers, a fl eeting connection that nevertheless felt to Liz like a

caress. “See you in the morning.”

“Good night,” Liz said. She waited in the car and watched as

Reilly climbed the stairs to her building, keyed the lock, and fi nally

disappeared inside. Only then did she recognize the odd feeling in the

• 72 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

pit of her stomach as disappointment. She had hoped Reilly would ask

her in.

“Crazy, that’s what that kind of thinking is,” Liz muttered as

she drove away. “You have got more than enough to handle without

complicating it with someone, even a very nice someone like Reilly

Danvers.”

Reilly Danvers. Liz liked the sound of her name. She liked the

way she traveled around the bases, sleek and sure. She liked the way

she occupied space, as if she owned it. She especially liked the way

Reilly had gently held her hair back and wiped her face when she’d

been sick. She liked a lot about Reilly Danvers. Enough that it was time

to be extra careful.

• 73 •

• 74 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER EIGHT

Reilly stared at the ceiling, watching dawn chase the night

shadows away. Even as the room lightened, unease lay

heavily in her chest.

Saturday is Saturday.

Liz had made the observation lightly, as if everyone would

understand the meaning. Weekends were mini-holidays, after all, two

days in which to do something special. Two days to relax and enjoy

life. Except that wasn’t true for her. Weekends were no different than

any other days of the week. Saturday wasn’t a day to sleep late, make

leisurely love, and drink coffee in bed with the newspapers scattered

across the covers. Sunday wasn’t a day to take an early morning run, go

back to bed after a quick shower, and awaken a woman with soft kisses

and murmured promises. Those intimate moments were no longer part

of her life.

She had accepted the emptiness in her life, even welcomed

it, because even though she missed Annie, she also took comfort in

knowing she could not repeat her past mistakes if she remained alone.

She would always miss Annie’s smile, her laughter, and even the anger

that so often ended in kisses. But just the same, her thoughts of Annie

had faded these past few years—until meeting Liz. Odd, that Liz made

her think of Annie. They were nothing alike. If anything, Annie had

been more like Liz’s friend Candace. Annie had charged through life,

a little wild, a little reckless, wanting to experience everything on

the edge. Life with Annie had been a crazy ride fi lled with delirious

pleasures and unexpected pain and hidden secrets. Secrets, Reilly had

learned, that could kill.

Reilly threw aside the sheet and sat up on the side of the bed,

hating that the memories had come back to haunt her now, when she

had fi nally succeeded in burying them. She couldn’t change the past,

couldn’t undo the mistakes she had made, and she still had nowhere

• 75 •

RADCLY fFE

to go with her fury. Annie was not here to answer the question that

haunted her. Why? Why hadn’t Annie trusted her?

Annie wasn’t here to answer, but one thing Reilly knew with

certainty—she had failed the woman she loved, and she never wanted

to be in a position where it could happen again. If that meant being

alone forever she didn’t care. Loneliness was a small price to pay for

her sins.

Reilly glanced at her bedside clock, wondering what the hell she

was doing. She was supposed to see Liz in just a few hours. Liz was

somehow responsible for the past plaguing her so ferociously these last

few weeks, and that alone should have been reason enough to avoid her.

But it wasn’t. Liz was warm and open and refreshingly direct—exactly

the opposite of Annie, and the kind of company Reilly hadn’t realized

she craved.

She grabbed a T-shirt and shorts from a pile on a nearby chair,

pulled on socks and her running shoes, and lifted her house key from a

hook by the door. A run would clear her head. Having breakfast with a

woman she liked wasn’t a crime, not when she knew what she needed

to guard against.

O

“Sun’s coming up,” Parker murmured, cradling Candace in her

arms as she slowly stroked inside her. “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

“Oh God,” Candace moaned. “If you stop, I’ll kill you.”

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

Candace wrapped both arms around Parker’s neck and pressed her

face against her throat. Her hips undulated with the building pressure.

“Just shut up and make me come.”

Parker laughed. “Aren’t you doing that right now?”

“Uh-huh.” Candace bit down on the thick muscle at the base of

Parker’s neck as she closed around Parker’s fi ngers and her orgasm

spilled out.

“Beautiful,” Parker whispered, her clit jumping as Candace

shuddered. “You make me so hot.”

“Keep going,” Candace gasped weakly, caressing Parker’s face,

then her breasts. Parker groaned and Candace slipped her hand lower,

• 76 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

drawing teasing circles on Parker’s stomach. “I want to come again.

Want to come with me?”

“Oh yeah, please.”

“What…what do you want?”

Parker lifted her hips. “Just stroke me.”

Candace pushed herself up and straddled Parker’s stomach with

Parker’s hand still inside her. She reached back, gripped Parker’s wet

center, and squeezed. On the verge of climaxing herself, she laughed

wildly as Parker stiffened and her eyes rolled back.

“Yes, oh baby yes.” Parker arched her back, her free hand grasping

air.

“Parker,” Candace snapped. “Don’t you dare come yet.”

“Jesus,” Parker gasped, her face a mask of pained pleasure. “What

do you want from me?”

“Fuck me,” Candace growled, rolling her palm over Parker’s clit.

Parker thrust into her, hard, and again, harder, and Candace started to

come. Above the raging scream of her own orgasm, she heard Parker

cry out. Then there was nothing except mind-melting pleasure.

Moments later, Candace fell over onto her back and sighed. “That

was excellent.”

“Yes,” Parker said, her voice a husky whisper. “It certainly was.”

Lazily, Candace turned her head on the pillow and regarded Parker.

Her hair was damp, her neck and chest still fl ushed with satisfaction.

The muscles in her neck that had been so tight as she orgasmed just

seconds before now fl uttered delicately beneath her sweat-slick skin.

Candace always took pleasure in pleasing a lover, but seeing Parker so

completely unguarded struck her as indescribably beautiful. Candace’s

chest constricted with unfamiliar emotion, and she immediately had the

urge to fl ee.

“Feel free to use the shower,” Candace said.

“You’re right, I need one.” Parker rolled over, kissed her until

Candace was on the verge of asking her to stay, then pulled away. “Go

back to sleep. It’s still early.”

“Thanks.” Candace smiled and caressed Parker’s cheek. “See you

around.”

Parker’s eyes were dark, unreadable. “See you.”

O

• 77 •

RADCLY fFE

Liz munched on soda crackers as she gathered her purse and keys.

Happily, her stomach was cooperating for a change, and she thought

she might actually be able to eat breakfast. Out of habit, she slowed

in front of the mirror in the vestibule. During the week on her way to

work, she checked her makeup, but today she checked her fi gure. Her

jeans had seemed the tiniest bit tight when she tucked in her pale green

scoop tee. She was just a little past ten weeks, and she didn’t think she

should be showing yet. Even naked she hadn’t been able to discern any

difference in her body. Still, she felt a little self-conscious, although she

didn’t know why she should. Whether or not Reilly Danvers found her

attractive was not high on her “important things I need in life” list.

Resolutely, she reached for the door only to stop almost immediately

as her cell vibrated on her hip.

“Liz Ramsey,” she said, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

It was too early on a Saturday for Candace, and Bren rarely called, not

being a phone person. So it was likely the offi ce.

“Did I wake you?” a soft, sultry voice inquired.

Liz’s stomach plummeted and she braced one arm against the door

as her legs threatened to go wobbly. She took in a slow breath to make

sure her voice didn’t quaver. “No. I was just on my way out.”

“You’re not working so early on a Saturday, are you?”

“Julia, you never cared when I worked before. Why are you

calling?” Liz was pleased to hear that her voice held an edge. She

hated that a simple phone call from Julia could unsettle her. But then,

everything unsettled her these days. The other night she’d cried over a

car commercial.

“I was hoping I could come by this morning.”

“Why?”

“We have some paperwork to sort out—insurance policies, that

sort of thing. And we should talk about the buyout on the condo.”

“Today’s not a good day,” Liz said abruptly. “In fact, just about

any day is a bad day. Have your attorney call my attorney. I really don’t

want to see you.”

“Liz, honey—”

“Don’t. Don’t pretend there’s anything between us. You made it

very clear there wasn’t.”

“I know the timing was terrible—”

• 78 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“You’re right, it was,” Liz said. “It was about six years too late.

And I’m about to be late for breakfast. Goodbye.”

Liz disconnected the call and closed her eyes. She was shaking.

Damn Julia, or maybe, damn her for being so blind for so long. How

had she not seen that they had become nothing more than shadows in

one another’s lives? How had she ever imagined that they could raise a

child together? She touched her abdomen. This child would change her

life in ways she couldn’t begin to imagine. For the fi rst time, she was

thankful that Julia was gone. Her child would never have to bear the

burden of holding together a relationship that wasn’t meant to be.

With another deep breath, she left the apartment and took the

elevator down to the parking garage. Even though Reilly was only a

few blocks away, Liz was ten minutes late arriving. Reilly was waiting

outside, leaning against a lamppost on the corner half a block down

from her house. In her tight blue jeans and faded red cotton shirt, she

was easy to pick out among the surprisingly large number of people

already out and about. Liz drew alongside her and powered down the

passenger side window.

“I’m sorry I’m late. Do I still get breakfast?”

Reilly grinned and climbed into Liz’s Audi. “I’ll put it on account.

I have a feeling I’ll be late a lot more than you.”

Liz pulled away, knowing she was blushing at the inference that

they would be seeing one another again. Seeing one another often

enough to be late on a regular basis. Now that Reilly was closer, she

noticed the shadows beneath her eyes, but didn’t know how to politely

inquire about them. She didn’t really know very much about her at all.

No facts, that is, beyond her occupation.

Although she did know she was competitive, and, thinking

about the awful episode of morning sickness, kind and caring as well.

Remembering Reilly’s response to her confession about her breakup

with Julia, she could add intuitive to the list. And she knew she had lost

someone she loved. Come to think of it, she knew a lot about Reilly

Danvers, and she liked it all. And that was without factoring in smart,

funny and stop-your-heart gorgeous.

“Where are you from?” Liz asked abruptly, wanting to get her

mind off that track immediately.

“A little town in upstate New York.”

• 79 •

RADCLY fFE

Reilly mentioned a town Liz had never heard of.

“Brothers? Sisters?”

“One brother. He still lives there. You—besides your stepbrother?”

“A sister. She’s an Army major. She’s fl ying helicopters in Iraq

right now.”

“Jesus,” Reilly said. “That’s scary.”

“It’s terrifying.” Liz gripped the steering wheel harder. “It took me

a long time to get serious about my career. I couldn’t wait to go off to

college and have a good time. Andi’s a year younger and all she could

talk about from the time she was twelve was West Point. This is her

second tour.”

“I understand those Army pilots are really good.”

Reilly touched Liz’s leg softly for a second. The brief contact was

innocent and yet so comforting, Liz’s throat tightened.

“Yeah. I know. She’s the best.”

“You’re pretty close, huh?”

Liz nodded. They emailed almost every day, if Andi wasn’t on

a mission. Andi had been quick to tell her she’d never thought Julia

deserved her and that Liz was better off without her. In the next breath,

she’d made Liz promise to send ultrasound images so she could have

a picture of her niece or nephew to put by her bunk. Liz blinked away

tears. Oh God, she couldn’t lose it now. Not while she was driving. Not

in front of Reilly.

“Do you want me to drive?” Reilly asked softly.

“You know,” Liz said, pulling over to the curb, “I just need a

second. It’s been kind of a lousy morning.” She skimmed both hands

over her cheeks, happy that she hadn’t actually shed any tears. She

laughed shakily. “I swear to you, I’m not usually like this.”

“You don’t have to explain,” Reilly said.

“Julia, my ex, called as I was walking out the door. I was already

angry at her, and then thinking about Andi over there…emotional

overload.” Liz blew out a breath and shifted sideways in the seat to

face Reilly. “I know you don’t know me at all, but there’s a really good

reason—”

“Liz,” Reilly interrupted, her expression unexpectedly tender.

“There’s nothing strange about being upset that your sister is in the

middle of a goddamn war. Or that your goddamn ex called fi rst thing

• 80 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Saturday morning and pissed you off. Sounds like a really good reason

to cry…or swear.”

Liz grinned and the moment to get into heavier topics passed. She

really didn’t want to talk about Julia, and talking about being pregnant

meant talking about the whole sorry mess. For just a little while, she

wanted to be free. Free of Julia. Free of her mistakes. Free of her

heartache. And Reilly was so damn good at making her feel good. Was

it so wrong to want to feel that way for a few hours? “You’re right. Are

you hungry?”

“Starved. I ran a few miles this morning, and all I had was half a

stale Power Bar when I got back.”

“Couldn’t sleep?” Liz pulled back into traffi c.

“Restless night,” Reilly said offhandedly.

“I know it wasn’t the beer, you only had two or three.”

“Two more than I should have, considering I didn’t have dinner.”

“No wonder you’re starving.” Liz turned into the parking lot

in front of the diner. The shiny aluminum-sided structure resembled

the wingless fuselage of an airplane, right down to the rows of oval

windows. “Are you one of those workaholic types who forgets to take

care of herself?”

Reilly grinned as she got out of the car and walked with Liz to the

revolving front doors. “Not really. But I won’t complain about some

TLC, if you’re offering.”

Liz let the comment pass because she wasn’t sure if it was meant to

be as fl irtatious as it sounded. Inside, the diner was crowded and noisy,

but they managed to snag one of the last window booths. Unfortunately,

the air conditioning was far from effi cient and the heat, combined with

the smell of last night’s fried food layered on top of breakfast, made Liz

queasy. Nevertheless, she was determined not to give in.

“Coffee and the breakfast special,” Reilly said to the waitress who

appeared immediately by their side.

“Ice water, please, and scrambled eggs and toast,” Liz added. She

leaned back in the booth and thought of a dozen casual, meaningless

things to say. But nothing about being with Reilly ever seemed to be

casual. “So why aren’t you sleeping?”

Reilly stared at her, obviously considering whether to answer or

not.

• 81 •

RADCLY fFE

“You can tell me it’s none of my business,” Liz said quietly.

“Because it isn’t.”

“Ghosts.”

Liz searched Reilly’s eyes, trying to fi nd a clue as to what her next

question should be. She read people for a living. She was good at it.

But this time, it was so much more important not to make the wrong

decision.

“What was her name?”

“Annie.”

“Irish?”

Reilly nodded. “Not a redhead like you, though. Her hair was

lighter and her eyes were darker.”

“You said it was quite awhile ago.” Liz noted the quick comparison.

Had Reilly been thinking about Liz and comparing her to Annie? The

thought made her wonder what the result had been.

“Almost fi ve years.”

Liz listened to the timbre of her voice, judging her pain. She heard

sorrow, but not raw grief. She also didn’t hear a warning to back off,

but she didn’t want to open old wounds. “Was it an accident of some

kind?”

Reilly waited while the waitress set down their drinks, and then

clasped her coffee cup in both hands. “No. She had a stroke. An

aneurysm.”

“God, that’s awful.”

“Yes.” Reilly shuddered, as if shaking off a memory, then smiled

wryly. “I’m sorry. Lousy breakfast topic. Thanks for asking.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Not bleeding anymore, Liz thought, but not

completely healed either.

“Annie was about your age when she died. She was nine years

older than me.”

“Which makes you…” Liz calculated. “Thirty-one now.”

“Right.”

“That’s almost the same difference as between Candace and me.”

“You two were lovers?” Reilly asked between bites of her

breakfast. “Or…are you still?”

“God no,” Liz said quickly. “I mean, we were, but we’re not

anymore.”

• 82 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I wondered. She seems very…protective.”

“Candace and Brenda and I have been best friends for years.

They’re as close to me as my sister. Maybe closer, because I adore

Andi, but I don’t understand her.”

“Is your sister a lesbian?”

“She is. Single, always has been, pretty much.”

“Occupational, probably.”

“That’s partly it.” Liz nibbled on her toast and pushed her halfeaten eggs aside. Her stomach had settled but her appetite had fl ed.

“My parents split when we were fourteen, and we did the half a year

back and forth thing until we fi nished high school. I think it turned her

off to relationships.”

“But not you,” Reilly stated, leaning back from her empty plate.

“I keep trying.” Liz laughed ruefully. “Haven’t done very well so

far.”

“Like I said before,” Reilly murmured, “Julia’s an idiot.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Liz smiled. “You’re very good for my ego.”

“Well, you’re good for my game. Only seems fair.”

“When’s the next one?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

The air was suddenly fi lled with questions, and Liz wished

desperately for the answers. Had she heard an invitation? Had Reilly

really been fl irting with her or was the sadness that surfaced when she

grew quiet a sign that her heart still belonged elsewhere? Even more

importantly, am I only pretending my interest in Reilly is casual? Am I

lying to myself the way I lied about what was happening with Julia all

these months?

“Want a cheering squad?” Liz asked before the voices in her head

could dissuade her.

“Yes,” Reilly said immediately.

“Good.” Liz welcomed the swell of anticipation, something she

hadn’t realized she’d been missing for far too long, not caring that all

the questions still remained.

• 83 •

• 84 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER NINE

Bren settled in front of her computer with a cup of coffee and a

raspberry cheese Danish and logged onto Melanie Richards’

author blog for her Saturday morning chat. She sipped and nibbled and

scanned the questions from her readers. Smiling, she answered a few

of the easy ones.

What do you wear while you’re writing?

It depends on what I’m writing. If I’m outlining or editing, I

usually choose something old and comfortable, because that’s tough

work! But if Jae is going out and there’s the possibility she’ll have an

exciting encounter, I might dress up in something slinky.

Why can’t you write faster?

Then I wouldn’t have time to talk to you, and I’d miss all this

fun!

Bren enjoyed chatting with her readers online. While the

interactions struck her as personal, sometimes almost intimate, she was

comfortably shielded by the anonymity not only of her pseudonym, but

by the boundaries of virtual reality. When she was writing, when she

was chatting with readers about her characters or plots or future plans,

she was completely Melanie Richards. She loved being able to release

that other part of herself—the bold, daring, sexually adventurous part.

As she read the next question, Bren slowly set down her coffee cup.

Everything on the screen except that single question faded.

When is Jae going to admit that she’s waiting for a mistress to

show her what she really needs?

What astounded Bren about the question was that she’d barely

known herself what was happening with Jae until the last few months.

• 85 •

RADCLY fFE

But someone had understood, someone had read between the lines. Bren

wondered what she had revealed in the snippets of story she’d recently

posted as teasers. What had this reader sensed about her character that

she had only just realized? Had she unwittingly exposed part of herself

without realizing it, too? She typed, then deleted, then typed a vague

response. She read it, knew it was a cop-out, and deleted it. The blinking

cursor mocked her. Her own inner voice taunted her. Are you ready to

commit? Are you ready to admit where Jae is going, where you want to

take her? Where you want to be?

Someone had guessed her secret, and her discomfort was matched

only by her excitement. Before she could think about it too much, she

typed.

Jae is waiting for the only woman she can trust enough to tell her

secrets to. Maybe she’ll fi nd her on the very next page.

O

Reilly relaxed as Liz took her Audi through the tight, twisting

turns of Lincoln Drive. She often worked weekends because work was

a welcome respite from too many hours with nothing to do but think.

This weekend, though, she was glad she was free.

She enjoyed the sensation of someone else being in control for

a while. In the operating room, even in the dojang, she was always in

charge. Responsible for others. It was nice not to have to do anything for

a few minutes, and although they didn’t talk as Liz focused on the road,

the silence was comfortable. The narrow road hugged Wissahickon

Creek as it meandered northwest from Center City, and the air grew

noticeably cooler and clearer as they traveled deeper into the huge

stretch of parkland. At the speed Liz was going, they’d reach Reilly’s car

in another few minutes. Reilly didn’t really want to get there. Thinking

about the long day stretching before her, and the even longer night, and

then almost another whole day before the late afternoon game Sunday,

she felt a pang of loneliness. “What are you doing the rest of the day?”

Reilly asked.

“I don’t know,” Liz replied, keeping her eyes on the road. “I can

tell you what I’m not doing. I’m not going to the offi ce. I might not

even check my messages.”

• 86 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Reilly laughed. “Sounds pretty rebellious.”

Liz fl icked her left turn signal and veered onto the street where

Reilly had left her car. “Actually, I expect Julia will have left messages

or paperwork for me, or else had her attorney do it, considering she

didn’t get any satisfaction from me this morning. When she wants

something done, she’s relentless.”

“It has to be diffi cult. I’m sorry.”

“That’s nice of you to say.” Liz braked to the curb opposite the

neighborhood bar and restaurant where the teams had gathered the

night before. She cut the ignition and turned in her seat. “Considering

I’m as much to blame as she is.”

“Were you having an affair too?” Reilly asked.

“Only with my caseload,” Liz said dryly, “but apparently some

people consider work a form of infi delity.”

“I know these situations are always more complicated than they

look,” Reilly said, “but I don’t see how you can blame yourself.”

“It’s probably not a bad thing,” Liz said, trying to make light of it.

“A little self-refl ection is good for the soul.”

Liz’s smile didn’t hide her sadness, and Reilly had an overwhelming

urge to fi nd the insane woman who had hurt her and shake her. On the

other hand, she had absolutely no desire for Julia to reappear, which left

her feeling very confused. Liz’s face was pale, her eyes softly wounded,

and Reilly acted without thinking, spurred on by Liz’s sadness and her

own familiar loneliness. She leaned across the narrow space between

their seats and slid her arm around Liz’s shoulder. Liz’s lips parted in

surprise, her searching eyes fi lled with questions.

“Like I said,” Reilly murmured, watching Liz’s irises deepen from

pale green to forest darkness as she slowly lowered her mouth toward

Liz’s.

Liz had never been so aware of being about to be kissed in her

life. Her lips actually tingled. Reilly’s arm behind her back was tight as

a steel band, and Reilly’s fi ngers, where they circled Liz’s upper arm,

were hot. Reilly’s mouth would be hot, too, she was certain of it. Her

dark eyes were molten, so intense that Liz shivered.

Reilly brushed her mouth over Liz’s, lightly but not at all

tentatively. “Your ex was crazy to let you go.”

Liz skimmed her fi ngers along Reilly’s arm and over her shoulder

to the back of her neck. She twisted a thick strand of dark hair between

• 87 •

RADCLY fFE

her fi ngers, resisting the desire to grasp a handful and drag Reilly’s

body closer.

When Reilly groaned quietly, Liz parted her lips, allowing her

entrance a tiny fraction. She was right, Reilly’s mouth was hot, her

tongue softly insistent as it slicked over the surface of her lips. Liz

tasted her and was suddenly hungry. So hungry. Hungry to be touched,

to be wanted.

Liz sucked Reilly’s tongue deeper, cradling Reilly’s jaw in the

palm of her hand. Reilly tugged her closer, and somewhere in the lustfogged recesses of her brain, Liz was aware of the gear shift digging into

her ribs and Reilly’s other arm circling her waist. Her breasts swelled

and heat kindled in the pit of her stomach. She felt wanton, wanting, in

a way that was far more primal and urgent than she’d ever experienced

before. She wanted to climb onto Reilly’s lap so that every part of her

body could make contact. Her skin burned. She ached inside. In another

few seconds, she would be beyond caring where she was or that she

was about to make love to a woman who was supposed to be a casual

acquaintance.

“God, you can kiss,” Liz groaned, pulling back and bracing both

hands against Reilly’s shoulders.

“So can you,” Reilly panted. Her hand shook as she threaded her

fi ngers through Liz’s hair. It felt so good to touch her. Liz was so alive,

so real. “Maybe we can go somewhere a little more private.”

“I need to put the brakes on here, Reilly,” Liz said, regretting the

words as soon as she saw Reilly’s expression shutter closed. “God, I’m

doing this all wrong. I’m sorry. Things are pretty crazy for me right

now and—”

“Look,” Reilly said in an even, almost toneless voice. “I was

out of line. I should be the one apologizing. With what you’re going

through, the last thing you need is someone jumping you.” She reached

behind her and found the door handle, pushed it open, and slid out. “I’m

sorry.”

Liz leaned across the passenger seat. “I don’t think you understand.

I don’t think I do, completely, but I didn’t expect that kiss and I’m not

making myself very clear.”

Reilly grinned ruefully. “Believe it or not, I didn’t expect it either.

Thanks for the ride, Liz.”

Reilly closed the car door and even though Liz wanted to call her

• 88 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

back, she didn’t. Not only hadn’t she anticipated the kiss, she most

defi nitely hadn’t expected the way she had responded. She’d been

ready, more than ready, to make love. And although she didn’t have

anything against two adults enjoying each other physically if they got

the urge, she liked Reilly. Maybe if she hadn’t known her at all, maybe

if they’d just bumped into one another at a party, she could have had

sex with her and walked away satisfi ed. Candace did it all the time, and

it seemed to work just fi ne for her. But she wasn’t certain that she’d

want to walk away from Reilly, and what else could she do, considering

that she was in no position to offer anything else?

Reilly’s car sped by and swerved around the corner. Liz waited

until the roar of the engine faded away, then started her car and carefully

followed. Her head and her body still seemed to be reeling and her

hands were shaking. Opening her cell phone, she pushed a number on

her speed dial and held her breath.

“Hi, Lizzie,” Bren said when she answered. “What are you

doing?”

“Making an even bigger mess out of my life, if that’s possible.”

“Uh-oh. Do we need an emergency meeting of the LHC?”

Liz smiled, grateful for the thousandth time for her friends. “I

think maybe we do.”

“Should I call and see if Candace is fi nished with Parker?”

“What makes you think she’s with Parker?”

Bren laughed. “Tell me you didn’t know they’d end up together

about ten seconds after Candace laid eyes on her.”

“Five seconds.”

“You’re right, I stand corrected. Where are you?”

“About six minutes from your house.”

“I’ll see you in six minutes then.”

“Thanks, Bren. You’re the best.”

“Nah, just your best friend.”

O

Reilly didn’t look in her rearview mirror. She didn’t want to know

if Liz was behind her. She drove blindly for a few blocks, not really

thinking about where she was going. She was still thinking about the

kiss. She was still shocked by it. Shocked that she’d kissed Liz without

• 89 •

RADCLY fFE

giving a thought to what might happen. She’d kissed her because she

couldn’t think of another way, a better way, to tell her how much she

didn’t want her to be upset. How much she wanted to see her smile.

How much she wanted to erase every hurt she’d ever suffered.

She’d kissed her because she hadn’t had the words, and she needed

so much for her to know.

She couldn’t ever remember doing anything like that in her life.

She’d been so much younger in both years and experience the fi rst time

she’d kissed Annie, or rather, when Annie had kissed her. When Annie

had informed her that it was time to leave the party where they’d met.

When Annie had led her home and up to her bedroom and taught Reilly

how to please her. She’d followed Annie’s lead because Annie burned

so brightly that everything else paled in comparison, even her own

needs.

A few minutes ago she’d kissed Liz because she’d needed to. She

hadn’t considered that Liz might not want to be kissed, probably didn’t.

Hell, Liz was clearly still struggling with her breakup and had admitted

she’d been thrown by a call from her ex that morning. Obviously there

was unfi nished business there. And Liz hadn’t given any indication

that she wanted anything more than friendship when they’d gotten

together.

Reilly pulled over in front of a square, two-story, stucco building

and fi nally took stock of her surroundings. She wasn’t all that surprised

to fi nd she had driven to the dojang without even thinking about it.

Maybe a workout was just what she needed to get her head straightened

out. She never did anything without thinking it through fi rst. At least,

not since she’d let Annie carry her away on the tide of Annie’s passions

and obsessions.

After locking the car, Reilly hurried up the four wide stone steps

to the double front doors and was surprised to fi nd them unlocked. Only

the senior instructors had the key and no classes were scheduled at this

time on Saturday morning. She climbed the wooden staircase to the

second fl oor, her footsteps echoing in the silent building, and slowed

as she approached the door to the dojang, which stood ajar. When she

pushed it open a few inches more and peered inside, she saw Sean in

the middle of executing a black belt form, and stood quietly until she

was fi nished.

• 90 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“You’re here late,” Reilly said, waiting for Sean to bow before

entering.

“Hey,” Sean said. “I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow at

the game.”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“That’s okay. I stayed after class to practice a little for my test. I’m

about done.”

“That’s coming up in a few weeks, isn’t it?”

“I hope so. Master Cho hasn’t set the date yet.”

Reilly shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, uncertain

whether to stay or go. She wondered where Liz was, what she was

thinking. She rubbed the back of her neck where Liz had rested her

hand, still aware of the pressure of Liz’s fi ngers drawing her closer.

Liz might not have expected the kiss, might not even have wanted it,

but she had kissed her back. Reilly replayed the way Liz’s lips had

parted, the way her tongue had felt, welcoming her and teasing her just

a little. The kiss had been good—it had been great, and her stomach still

churned with the desire for more.

“What’s up, Reilly?” Sean asked, studying her with a worried

look.

“I…” Reilly rarely thought about the fact that Sean was a clinical

psychologist. They only saw each other at the dojang or on the softball

fi eld. And those times when they had a few drinks together at the bar,

they’d never had a truly personal conversation, because Reilly just

didn’t. Her conversations with colleagues were limited to discussions

of surgery, sports, and on rare occasion—usually late at night over the

third or fourth trauma case in a row—sex. Their sex lives, not hers.

Intimate disclosures were not her style, although she’d been having

revealing personal discussions with Liz since the very beginning. She

sighed. Liz. Everything was different with Liz. “Believe it or not, I’m a

little turned around about a woman.”

Sean grinned. “Really. Is that good or bad?”

“I don’t have any idea.”

“Well that sounds normal.”

Reilly laughed and almost immediately felt better. “Does it?”

“If she doesn’t turn you upside down and inside out and pretty

much fog your windshield, what’s the point?”

• 91 •

RADCLY fFE

Despite her joking remark, Sean’s eyes were warm and

sympathetic.

“Want to talk about it?” Sean added.

“I don’t think so.”

“Want to work out? I’ve got an extra uniform with me.”

“Feel like sparring?” Reilly asked.

“Do I have to promise not to hurt you?”

Reilly grimaced, still thinking about letting her hormones call

the shots a few minutes earlier. “Don’t worry, my head’s too hard to

damage.”

“Maybe.” Sean handed Reilly a gi. “But where women are

concerned, we almost never think with our heads. And sometimes, our

hearts can be pretty smart, too.”

“Thanks.” Reilly took the uniform and headed toward the changing

room. She’d followed her heart once before, and all she’d gotten was

heartbreak. She wasn’t going there again.

• 92 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TEN

Sean bowed, then stepped back and pressed her gloved hands

to both thighs as she bent over, panting. Sweat ran in rivulets

down her neck, and the white T-shirt she wore beneath her gi jacket

clung wetly to her chest. A purplish bruise blossomed on the left side of

her jaw. “Had enough?”

“Maybe,” Reilly gasped, sinking down on the narrow bench that

ran along one side of the practice area. She pulled at the Velcro on her

gloves with her teeth, and fi nally got her hands free. After wiping wet

strands of hair off her face, she rested her head against the wall and

stared at the ceiling. Her left hip ached from the fall she’d taken on the

unpadded fl oor. “Nice leg sweep.”

“Thanks. Pretty slick back fi st from you, too.” Sean sagged onto

the bench beside Reilly. “I don’t know how I’m going to spar four or

fi ve black belts, all of you outranking me, when I test for third dan.”

“You’ll be fi ne. You’ll be so pumped, you won’t even know you’re

tired.”

“Easy for you to say.”

Reilly swiveled her head and grinned at Sean. “Yeah. True. Drew

will probably wipe the fl oor with you.”

Sean smiled. “Not if I can help it.”

“She’s about the best I’ve ever seen.”

“I know,” Sean said with evident pride. Briefl y, her face clouded.

“She taught hand-to-hand combat in the marines. She hasn’t been out

that long.”

Reilly considered Drew’s probable age. Still young enough to be

recalled. Reilly respected Drew’s position as their senior instructor, as

well as Sean’s lover, and didn’t want to tread into private areas. “I guess

she hasn’t heard anything?”

“Not offi cially, but she’s been in touch with people she knows

who are still in. If things go on much longer, recalls are likely.”

• 93 •

RADCLY fFE

“Let’s hope it ends soon,” Reilly said, thinking of Liz’s sister and

all the other countless troops in the war zone.

“Yeah, let’s hope.” Sean shifted sideways on the bench and rested

her chin on her knee. “How’s your head?”

“You dumped me on my ass, which hurts. My head is fi ne. How’s

your jaw?”

“Stings.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, you did me a favor. I’ll be looking for that counter in

the future.”

“In that case, you’re welcome,” Reilly said.

“I don’t remember ever seeing you with a date,” Sean said after a

minute of silence.

“You haven’t.”

“I just always fi gured you were a lesbian because you’re too good

looking not to be.”

Reilly laughed and Sean joined her. “Thanks.”

Sean continued to regard her thoughtfully and Reilly knew she

was waiting for her. She appreciated that Sean wasn’t pushing. “I’m

not much into dating.”

“Confi rmed bachelor?”

“No, just a wary one.”

“I was married once, to a guy,” Sean said.

“Really. I never would’ve thought that.”

“Neither would I, looking back from where I am now.”

“You and Drew just seem like you’ve always been together.”

Sean’s expression softened. “When I got divorced, I really wasn’t

looking for anything, or anyone. I certainly wasn’t looking for a woman,

even though my twin sister’s gay.”

“That might have been a clue,” Reilly said dryly.

“You think so?” Sean chuckled. “Well, then I met Drew. Actually,

I saw Drew, and that was about it for me.”

“So you think this love at fi rst sight thing can happen?” Reilly

considered her fi rst night with Annie. It hadn’t been love, it had been

lust. No, more than lust…a compulsion, a need so fi erce she hadn’t

been able to do anything but follow. Moth to a fl ame.

“Instant attraction? Sure. Love? I don’t know, I think so

sometimes—the beginnings of it anyway,” Sean mused. “It wasn’t just

• 94 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

that I thought she was gorgeous, which I do, but the fi rst time I saw her

was here. I watched her training for two hours, and by the time the night

was over I was hooked.”

“If you watch Drew train you can tell a lot about her,” Reilly

said.

“Yes. And everything else I imagined about her was true.”

“You’re lucky.”

“I am.”

Reilly looked at the ceiling. “I was with a woman for three years

and most of the things I thought I knew about her turned out not to be

true.”

“She lied to you?”

“No, not really. She just didn’t tell me things.” Reilly gazed back

at Sean. “And I didn’t pick it up, or maybe I didn’t want to. Either way,

I was partly responsible.”

“For what?” Sean asked gently.

Her death, Reilly thought. “It not working out.”

“Feeling gun-shy?”

Reilly grimaced. “I wouldn’t have said so a few weeks ago. I was

pretty content with the way my life was going. I wasn’t looking for

anything.”

“And then something shook it up.”

“Someone.” Reilly sighed. “I’m not sure what I’m doing, and the

timing sucks.”

Sean laughed. “Like I said, that sounds about right. The redhead I

saw you with after the game?”

“Yes. Liz.”

“She’s nice looking.”

“She’s gorgeous.”

Sean laughed again. “True, but I was trying not to sound shallow.

So are you dating?”

“No. I’m not sure I’m going to be seeing her again at all.” Reilly

stood up and stowed the sparring gear in the cabinet. “Thanks for the

workout. And for…listening.”

“Any time. And thanks for punching me in the face.”

“Any time.”

Reilly changed back into her street clothes, said goodbye to Sean,

and headed down to her car. The workout had been rough, mentally and

• 95 •

RADCLY fFE

physically. She was tired and sore. But not tired enough or sore enough

to have calmed the unrest stirred by Liz’s kiss.

O

Candace, wearing a tight pink T-shirt, baggy jeans, and strapsandals, fl opped onto the nearly threadbare sofa in front of the open

windows in Bren’s West Philadelphia Victorian and propped her feet

up on the steamer trunk that stood in for a coffee table. She’d arrived

with her blond curls still damp from the shower half an hour after Bren

had called.

“God,” Candace sighed, balancing a glass of wine on her stomach.

“Sometimes I wish I still lived here. I think I might have had some of

the best sex of my life on this sofa.”

“Thank you for that image,” Bren said, curling up with a cup of

coffee in an equally worn armchair across from the sofa. It wasn’t yet

noon and a bit early for her and wine. She had changed out of her holey

sweats into a decent pair before Liz had arrived, but hadn’t bothered

with shoes.

“Well it’s no secret,” Candace scoffed. “You walked in on me in

the throes enough times.”

“I kept my eyes closed.” Bren grinned mischievously. “Most of

the time.”

Sometimes, Bren agreed with Candace about turning back the

clock. The three of them had rented the house for four years until Liz

and Candace could afford to move into their own places. Bren had

purchased the house then and renovated it to suit her needs. She’d kept

some of their old furniture for her offi ce, a tall-ceilinged room with

walnut fl oors and deep bay windows, a fi replace on one wall, and a

view of the brick-walled rear garden. She made enough money from

her book royalties that she could have re-furnished the entire house, but

she didn’t want to. The offi ce, where she slipped into another world to

write and dream, was her sanctuary and her favorite room in the whole

house. Sometimes she’d look up from her computer, expecting to see

Candace wrapped up in her latest fl ame on the sofa and Liz bent over

a lawbook, a glass of red wine in one hand. Seeing the empty room

always hurt a little until she remembered they would always be there.

“Some memories never go away,” Bren teased.

• 96 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Carrying a glass of iced tea, Liz sat down next to Candace and

nudged her with her knee. “And you still hog the couch. Move over.”

Candace shifted an inch and patted Liz’s thigh. “So let’s hear it. I

can’t imagine how you managed to get yourself into trouble since we

just saw you…” She glanced at her Piaget. “Thirteen hours ago.”

“I won’t ask what you’ve been doing for the last thirteen hours,”

Liz grumbled.

“I’ll be happy to tell you. In detail. But you fi rst.”

“You don’t have to tell us,” Bren cut in. “You’ve got a love bite

on your neck.”

“I don’t. God damn it. Where? I told her not to…” Candace broke

off, her eyes narrowing as she lasered in on Bren. “That is not funny,

Brenda Louise.”

“Sorry.” Bren glanced apologetically at Liz. “So what

happened?”

Candace had made Liz promise on the phone not to say anything

until she arrived, and the wait hadn’t helped Liz clear up her confusion.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Okay,” Candace said brightly. “Let’s start with rough and rowdy

Reilly. Would that be a good guess?”

“She isn’t.” Liz thought of how Reilly always seemed to know

exactly what she needed without her even asking. Without her even

knowing, sometimes. “She’s tender and thoughtful.” At Candace’s

raised eyebrows, Liz said, “I mean it. She’s a lot more gentle than she

looks.”

When Candace feigned a yawn, Bren kicked the bottom of her

foot. “Cut it out.”

“Okay, sorry. Sorry,” Candace said, looking not the least bit

chagrined. “But really—with the way she came on last night? All

sweaty and aggressive and competitive?”

“She is,” Liz said, “but that’s not all she is.” She sipped her tea and

added quietly, “This morning she kissed me.”

“Wow,” Bren said, genuinely surprised.

“Really,” Candace said coolly. “And just how did that come

about.”

“Cand,” Bren said with a bit of heat in her voice, “do you think

you can be quiet long enough for Liz to tell us?”

Candace shot her a look, but obediently pressed her lips together.

• 97 •

RADCLY fFE

“After breakfast I—”

“You spent the night with her?” Candace shot upright.

“No,” Liz said patiently. “I drove her home last night because she

had too much to drink. When I offered to bring her back to her car this

morning, she wanted to take me out to breakfast. Are you with me so

far?”

Candace made a hurry up motion with her hand.

“Well, that’s it really. I drove her to her car and she kissed me.”

Liz shrugged. “I guess it really isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Except for the fact that you hardly know her,” Bren pointed out

reasonably.

“And she’s not your type,” Candace added quickly.

“And you just broke up with Julia—the bitch,” Bren chimed in.

“And you’re pregnant,” Candace said darkly.

Liz sighed. “Okay. Reasonable points.”

She pulled her legs up onto the old, nappy sofa and curled her arms

around them. Resting her cheek against her knees, she wished she were

back in law school, still living here, when everything had seemed so

critical but in retrospect had been far simpler than she’d ever realized.

Candace had been fresh-faced and so fi lled with life and spirit that even

when she was breaking hearts, including her own, Liz couldn’t help but

love her. Bren had always been there, sturdy and solid and strong. She

was the rock, despite being the smallest of all of them in size. And Liz

had known just what she wanted in life. A career, a partner, a family. It

had never occurred to her that the things she wanted would be at odds.

“Was it a good kiss?” Candace asked grudgingly.

“Terrifi c,” Liz muttered.

“Do you like her?” Bren asked

“Yes.” That was one thing Liz was certain of. She knew there were

things about Reilly she didn’t know, almost certainly important things.

Things about Annie, for sure. Whenever Reilly spoke of her something

dark, something more than the pain of loss, surfaced in her eyes. But

even though Liz knew there were secrets, she trusted her.

“Let’s look at this logically,” Bren suggested.

“Have you ever considered that kind of approach might be the

reason you never accept a date?” Candace said. “There’s nothing logical

about lust. You see, you want, ergo, you screw.”

Liz laughed wryly and Bren smiled.

• 98 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“That’s your formula,” Bren replied. “Some of us actually think

about things like who and why and what happens the next day.”

Candace tilted her head contemplatively. “That sounds a lot like

pouring cold water on fl ames to control a fi re. If you’re not careful, all

you end up with is ashes.”

“Maybe.” Bren couldn’t disagree too strongly, because she had

a feeling under the right circumstances she just might take Candace’s

route. If she’d had the opportunity to take the blonde’s place in the

bathroom a few nights before, if she could have been the nameless

woman dictating her needs, controlling the events, she would have

done it.

“You know,” Liz said wearily, “I wish I could be more like you,

Cand. I actually even thought about you this morning, when I was

kissing Reilly and what I really wanted to do was tear her clothes off—

or have her tear off mine. I knew you would do it, and love it, and I

wished I could too.”

“You wanted to tear her clothes off?” Candace sounded stunned.

Liz nodded. “For a few seconds, yeah. I did. God, she’s got a

beautiful mouth.”

“Uh-oh,” Bren murmured.

“What?” Liz said, turning to Bren.

“I never heard you say anything like that about Julia.”

“Sure I did. When we fi rst met. I said she was hot and sexy and—”

“No you didn’t,” Bren and Candace said simultaneously.

“Well, I’m sure I meant to.”

Candace ran the tip of her open-toed sandal up and down Liz’s

calf. “You did used to say that I had a great tongue.”

Liz almost said that every woman in Philadelphia could probably

testify to Candace’s skills, but held back because she knew what very

few others ever realized. Underneath Candace’s seductive bravado,

some part of that insecure farm girl still remained, and Liz would never

hurt her.

“In the positive column,” Bren interjected, “what do we have

besides the fact that she’s…ah…got a beautiful mouth.” Silently, she

contemplated the phrase and found it perfect. She couldn’t wait to fi nd

a place for it in her next chapter.

“She looks really good when she sweats,” Candace supplied

helpfully.

• 99 •

RADCLY fFE

“She’s smart and listens and…” Liz laughed. “She turns me on.”

“Debit column?”

Liz sighed. “I just came out of a long, complicated, unsatisfying

relationship with Julia, and that’s not even really over. And of course,”

she placed her hand on her abdomen and smiled crookedly, “there’s the

little matter of Junior or Junior-ess.”

“So what do we have,” Bren said thoughtfully. “You’re attracted to

her but there are complications.” She glanced at Liz’s hand where it still

lay on Liz’s belly. “That pretty much changes everything, doesn’t it?”

“It certainly does,” Liz admitted.

“What are you going to do?” Bren asked.

“The only thing I know for sure is that I’m going to apologize

and explain to her why I cut and ran in the middle of a kiss I let go too

far.”

“You don’t have to see her again, you know,” Candace said.

“Yes I do. She kissed me fi rst, but I kissed her back. That’s reason

enough to explain.” Liz felt better for having made the decision. “There’s

a game tomorrow. I’ll talk to her afterwards. Parker is probably playing,

Candace.”

“Probably,” Candace said casually, “but I don’t plan on seeing

her again. We had our night of ecstasy. I’ll go to keep you company,

though.”

“Me too,” Bren said, wondering if Jae, as she now routinely

thought of the dark-haired stranger, would be there.

Liz took Candace’s hand and stretched the other out to Bren, who

took it.

“Thanks. I think I’m going to need you two tomorrow.”

• 100 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Liz tucked the Audi into a narrow spot between a Hummer and

a Harley hog. “Gotta love lesbians,” she murmured.

“I’m doing my part,” Candace said from the passenger seat.

Bren leaned forward between the bucket seats. “Everybody’s on

the fi eld. Did we miss the start?”

“It’s warm-ups, I think,” Liz replied, cutting the engine and

checking her watch. She’d wanted to arrive early enough to talk to Reilly.

She hadn’t been able to think of anything else for the last twentyfour

hours, and she’d slept poorly. Unfortunately, traffi c had been backed up

along the River Drive because of an early evening concert at the open

air theatre in the park, and it had taken longer than anticipated to reach

Belmont Plateau. Now, cranky and anxious to fi nd Reilly, she exited the

car and shaded her eyes as she scanned the playing fi elds.

“Can you see where the Angels are playing?”

“There’s a team with black jerseys right over there,” Candace

pointed to her left.

“I don’t see…no, that’s not them. The Angels’ shirts have white

lettering.”

“Parker’s team is straight across from us,” Bren noted.

Candace looked disinterested. “There’s Reilly’s team—on the far

side, just down the hill from the building.”

“Right next to the fi eld where Parker’s playing,” Bren added,

searching the fi gures stretched out on the slope behind the playing

fi elds and seated in groups under the scattered trees, hoping to see a

familiar stranger.

“I’m going to see if I can catch Reilly before the game,” Liz said,

starting onto the grassy expanse that stretched for a quarter of a mile in

all directions.

• 101 •

RADCLY fFE

Bren grabbed her arm. “You can’t cut across the fi elds, not while

they’re warming up. You could get hit with a ball or run into by a fi elder

who isn’t looking where—”

“I can see,” Liz said irritably. “And the last time I checked, my

legs were working. I can get out of the way.”

“Bren’s right,” Candace put in. “You need to walk around the

outside of the fi elds.”

“It’ll take an extra ten minutes,” Liz griped.

Bren patted her arm soothingly. “Reilly is going to be here all

night.”

“All right,” Liz acquiesced. “Fine. But can we get go—”

“Isn’t that Parker?” Bren asked, indicating two people coming

toward them with a large cooler swinging between them.

“Go ahead you two,” Candace said. “I’ll catch up in a minute.”

“Sure?” Liz asked.

Candace shrugged nonchalantly. “Go.”

Liz and Bren waved to Parker, then hurried off.

“Hey,” Parker said, slowing as she drew alongside Candace.

“We’ve got cold beer here thanks to Mandy, if you’re ready for one.”

Candace glanced at the young blonde wearing skimpy shorts and

a bikini top that barely covered her nipples, who she assumed was

Mandy. “Looks like you’ve got a little bit more than beer.”

“Yeah well, maybe.” Grinning, Parker shrugged, but her eyes

searched Candace’s intently.

“I’ll pass,” Candace said. It was always important to establish the

rules, and the rule had always been one night, and one night only. Oh,

she’d broken her own rule a few times and gotten away with it, but it

was never smart. She had learned very quickly not to trust a woman

who said she didn’t want anything other than a good time, because too

often, the next morning she wanted more. Liz had been the only woman

with whom she’d been tempted to change the game, but she hadn’t been

able to. She’d fucked it up and almost lost one of the most important

people in her life. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

“You sure?” Parker asked. “I can save you one. Come collect it

later.”

“No,” Candace said, careful to keep her voice light and her smile

friendly. “Something tells me you’ll have plenty of takers. Have a good

game, Parker.”

• 102 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Thanks, I will.” Parker turned her grin on Mandy. “Ready to haul

this across the fi eld, baby?”

“Anything ya want, ya got it.”

Candace watched them go, Mandy’s tight little ass swaying with

every step. “Anything ya want.” I’ll just bet. God, Parker, have all your

brains dropped into your crotch? Jesus.

Annoyed as much with herself as with Parker’s undiscriminating

tastes, Candace headed off in the direction Liz and Bren had disappeared.

A hundred women waited on the other side of the fi eld, and one of them

would be perfect to take her mind off Parker.

O

Reilly fi elded a ground ball and underhanded it to second for the

fi rst out in a double play just as she saw Liz settle onto a wooden bench

on the sidelines. Fortunately, it was only warm up and not the fi rst

inning, because her concentration immediately went all to hell. She

hadn’t thought she would ever see Liz again. She’d been watching the

parking lot and the adjoining fi elds for the last hour, and had eventually

decided that Liz wasn’t coming. Why should she? Liz had made it

pretty clear that Reilly had gone somewhere Liz didn’t want to go with

that kiss.

There wasn’t any reason for Liz to come back to the fi eld. Except

she had. Reilly squinted, trying to make out if Liz was watching her.

“Reilly, heads up!”

A ball whizzed past her ear.

“Reilly, get your head in the game,” Sean yelled from center fi eld.

“You almost got it taken off.”

“Gonna get a drink,” Reilly yelled to no one in particular and

hustled off the fi eld. She sprinted down the outside of the third-base

line, behind the backstop, and toward Liz.

Liz watched her coming, hoping she’d see a smile or some other

sign of welcome. What she saw instead was worry and uncertainty. She

hated knowing she put that look there. She’d had plenty of practice

in court ordering her thoughts and speaking under pressure, swaying

others to her opinion, but as she stood to meet Reilly, everything she

planned to say went right out of her head.

“Hi Liz,” Reilly said.

• 103 •

RADCLY fFE

“I was hoping I’d get here sooner.” Liz noticed several women

watching them, and stepped a few feet further away from the bench.

Reilly followed. “I need to talk to you. I want to explain about

yesterday.”

“Liz,” Reilly sighed. “You don’t need—”

“Yes I do. It’s important to me. Please.”

“Hey,” Reilly murmured, reaching out as if to touch Liz’s arm,

then drawing back. “Okay. Sure. That’s fi ne. We can talk.”

Liz wished Reilly would touch her. She didn’t usually crave

physical connection, which is probably why she hadn’t noticed that

she and Julia hadn’t shared much for months. But the memory of the

barely restrained tension in Reilly’s body as she’d held her yesterday,

the tight hard feel of Reilly’s arms around her, kept intruding on her

thoughts. For all her gentleness, Reilly was physically commanding,

and Liz liked it.

“Can I take you out for a drink after the game?” Liz asked, even

though that hadn’t been her plan. Now that they were face to face and

the game was about to start, Liz wanted, no needed, more than just a

few minutes. She wanted to be alone with her.

Reilly rocked back on her heels, her arms folded across her chest.

For a second, she gazed past Liz with a distant expression, and Liz was

afraid she was going to say no. Liz held her breath.

“How about pizza at my place?” Reilly asked.

Liz felt her smile stretch across her face. “Yes. Yes, that would be

perfect.”

O

Candace jostled the strangers who crowded around her in front of

the Angels’ bench, trying to see over their heads to the next fi eld where

Parker’s team played. Now and then she caught glimpses of Parker on

the mound, stretching her long body, rolling her shoulders, strutting.

She smiled to herself, recalling the pleasure of that body moving

sensuously over hers and just exactly what those long sensitive fi ngers

could do to her hot and ready fl esh. When she caught herself in the

midst of an erotic daydream starring herself and Parker, she resolutely

looked away.

• 104 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

She had plenty to occupy her right here in front of her. The

woman crouched at third base for Reilly’s team looked yummy. Short

and compact and a little scruffy, she was exactly Parker’s simmering,

sophisticated opposite. An ice cold beer to Parker’s aged, single malt

Scotch. Yes indeed, what she needed was a little changeup to shift her

fantasies onto the next encounter. Cocking her hip, she smiled at the

cutie, who grinned back and gave her a leering once over. Candace

made a bet with herself that they wouldn’t make it out of the parking

lot. Ms. Tough Guy would probably come while she was fucking

Candace—the butch ones like her often lost it too soon. Parker hadn’t

though, she’d held back her own pleasure until Candace was ready.

There hadn’t been anything particularly submissive about Parker, but

she had been content to let Candace lead. Except…except when she

had been teasing her, holding her and making her beg to come. There

weren’t many women who could make her beg.

Candace shook herself when she realized she was back in bed

with Parker again. Damn it, what was it about that woman? All right,

she was good-looking. She was great in bed. She wasn’t afraid to look

Candace in the eye, to search for more than Candace was content to let

people see. But really, was that all that special? Candace shied away

from that line of contemplation and searched for her girl du jour on the

fi eld.

The game came to an abrupt halt when a woman ran onto the fi eld

shouting for Reilly. Like everyone else, Candace crowded up to the

sideline to see what was going on.

“Reilly,” Candace heard the woman wheeze between pants, “sorry.

Sorry. We need you…on fi eld fi ve. Parker got hit with a…line drive.

Can you come?”

“Sure.” Reilly tossed her glove in the general direction of the

Angels’ bench and dashed off with the still-gasping woman.

Candace didn’t give it a thought. She raced after them. By the

time she reached the next fi eld, a small crowd had gathered around the

pitcher’s mound and she couldn’t see anything.

“Excuse me. Excuse me,” she said sharply, shouldering her way

closer. “I need to get through. Could you move please.”

Maybe it was her tone of voice, or possibly her sharp elbows,

but no one challenged her. After a minute of not-so-subtle shoving,

• 105 •

RADCLY fFE

she reached the center of the throng. Reilly knelt by Parker’s shoulder,

murmuring something Candace couldn’t hear. Parker lay on her back,

her arms and legs frighteningly still. Candace stepped over Parker’s

inert form and knelt opposite Reilly, who gently probed Parker’s face.

“What happened?” Candace whispered.

Reilly didn’t look up. “She caught a line drive in the cheek.”

Parker’s right eye was completely swollen shut and already turning

purple. A thin trickle of blood ran down from the corner, and a host of

butterfl ies took fl ight in Candace’s stomach. She wasn’t ordinarily the

queasy type, but seeing Parker hurt threw her more than she expected.

Candace tenderly touched the top of Parker’s head and discovered her

hair was wet. She gasped, thinking it was blood. When she realized it

was sweat, the relief made her shaky.

“Is she unconscious?”

“No,” Parker muttered. “It just hurts like hell to move.” Her left

eye fl ickered open. “Candace?”

“Hi.”

Parker grinned weakly. “Some stunt, huh?”

“Impressive. Be quiet now.” Candace stroked her forehead and

glanced at Reilly. “Should I call an ambulance?”

“Someone already did.”

“Don’t need one,” Parker said, closing her eye again.

“Your cheekbone feels okay,” Reilly said, “but you ought to be

x-rayed. You could have an orbital fracture and I’d never be able to

tell.”

“Can it wait until tomorrow?”

“Probably,” Reilly said, “but you should do it tonight.”

“Don’t be an ass, Parker,” Candace said sharply. “Go to the ER

like Reilly says.”

“What happened to you being all comforting and nice?” Parker

asked.

Candace snorted. “That was before I knew you were faking most

of it.”

Eye still closed, Parker grinned. “Damn.”

“Someone should go with you,” Candace said. “Which one of

these little groupies did you settle on?”

“The blonde.”

“Got a thing for blondes,” Candace muttered, searching the crowd.

• 106 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Mandy and at least six other blondes stood around, all of them looking

like they’d love to be in Candace’s position. That was enough to make

her say, “Never mind, I’ll go with you.”

Sounding oddly serious, Parker said, “You don’t need to. I’ll be

fi ne.”

“Probably. But I’ve had enough softball for tonight.”

In the distance, sirens sounded and rapidly became louder.

Candace reached down and squeezed Parker’s hand, surprised

when Parker gripped it and didn’t let go. “Our ride’s here.”

“Good. I’m not…feeling so great.”

“Uh-oh,” Reilly said, instantly sliding a hand behind Parker’s

neck. “Candace, hold her head steady, would you?”

Without a word, Candace shifted around and gently put both hands

on either side of Parker’s head. Reilly rolled Parker slightly to her side

just as she vomited.

“Oh, poor baby,” Candace murmured, glancing anxiously at

Reilly. “Is she all right?”

“Yeah,” Reilly said, taking a bandanna someone held down to her

and wiping Parker’s face with one hand while continuing to support her

neck with the other. “Let’s roll her back. Slowly. Good. It’s probably

just a refl ex from the bang to her head. But she defi nitely needs a CAT

scan now.”

“Will you come with us?” Candace asked, suddenly frightened.

She knew what emergency rooms could be like for someone who didn’t

have an edge in the system. And more than that, Reilly made her feel

safe. “I know you don’t…”

Reilly met Candace’s eyes, and then beyond her, saw Liz and Bren

among the onlookers. Liz watched Candace with a worried expression.

Reilly liked Parker, and she heard Candace’s concern, and she knew

Liz would be upset for her friend. The decision wasn’t even a decision.

“Sure.”

“Medics. Coming through,” a man shouted, and the crowd parted.

A burly guy in his early twenties with a military haircut and a sunburn

knelt down. “What do we have here?”

“I’m Dr. Danvers, ortho,” Reilly said. “She’s a twenty-something

female with blunt trauma to the right orbit from a line drive. No

documented loss of consciousness and she’s been alert and oriented since

I got here about three minutes after impact. Right pupil is impossible

• 107 •

RADCLY fFE

to examine due to swelling, but the left is round and reactive. She just

vomited. Her airway is fi ne.”

As Reilly talked, the medic wrapped a blood pressure cuff around

Parker’s left upper arm. A second EMT, who had arrived pushing a

portable stretcher, inserted an intravenous line into Parker’s right hand.

Candace stayed where she was, stroking Parker’s forehead.

From just behind her, Liz said, “How is she?”

“Reilly says she’s okay, but she needs to go to the hospital. I want

to go too.”

“I’ll drive you,” Liz said instantly.

“What’s your catchment area?” Reilly asked the medic.

“West Philly.”

“Can you take her to University Hospital?”

“Sure can.”

“Okay, thanks,” Reilly said as the two men log rolled Parker onto

the backboard. “I’ll drive over there. Would you tell them in admitting

I’m on my way. It’s Danvers.”

“You got it.” The big guy scanned the fi elds and the clusters of

women. “Who’s winning?”

“We were,” Parker muttered.

The EMT laughed. “There’s always next week.”

Reilly turned to Candace. “I can call you later, if you want. There’s

no reason for you to hang around the ER for hours.”

“That’s okay,” Candace said. “I just need to tell your third baseman

to hold a certain thought until the next game.”

“Sure thing,” Reilly said. “Although stay clear of the catcher.

That’s her girlfriend.”

Candace raised an eyebrow.

Bren took Candace’s arm. “Let’s go before you start a riot.”

Liz turned to Reilly as Bren led Candace away. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Reilly said. “I’m going to grab my gear.

Maybe you can collect Parker’s. Someone will know what’s hers. Then

I’ll see you at the hospital.”

“Okay.”

Reilly hesitated a second, then ran off. Liz went in search of Parker’s

gear, feeling as if fate kept dealing her the Joker and laughing.

• 108 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWELVE

Reilly pulled back the curtain on the exam cubicle and nodded

to the heavy-set redhead who leaned over Parker, carefully

palpating her face. Parker reclined on the partially elevated stretcher,

the right side of her face even more swollen than it had been an hour

before. However, her left eye was open, and she seemed alert and fairly

comfortable.

“Hi, Parker,” Reilly said. “Doing okay?”

“Not bad.”

“Tom,” Reilly said to the plastic and reconstructive surgeon, “what

are you doing here on a Sunday night?”

“I happened to be in the OR for an emergency trach when the

consult came in.” He shone a penlight into Parker’s left eye, then

carefully pried open her right eyelid and examined her right eye. “You

got a case?”

“No. Parker’s a friend of mine. I was there right after she got hit,”

Reilly informed him. “She wasn’t as badly swollen then, and I didn’t

feel anything suspicious. Of course, I’m used to dealing with bigger

bones.”

Tom straightened and addressed Parker. “Everything feels good,

but we’ll need a CT scan to look at the fl oor of the orbit. Sometimes

when the eye socket sustains blunt trauma, the increased pressure

fractures the small bones underneath the eye.”

“And then what happens?” Parker said.

“It depends on how badly they’re displaced, if at all. Most of the

time, we don’t need to do anything.”

“And if they are displaced?”

“Then we’ll need to operate.” He tapped her arm. “Let’s wait and

see what the fi lms show fi rst. There’s no point talking about what we

might need to do until we have some more facts. I’ll check back with

you after I review them.”

• 109 •

RADCLY fFE

“Okay.” Parker shifted her gaze to Reilly as the surgeon left. “Did,

uh, the others come over?”

“Candace, Liz, Bren, and a couple of your teammates are in the

waiting room.”

“You should tell them I’m okay and to take off.”

“I’ll give them the message,” Reilly said, “but I don’t think any of

them are going anywhere. It might be a little while before you go down

for the scan. I’ll see if I can hurry that up.”

“Thanks. Thanks for everything.”

“I ought to be able to bring someone back here to keep you

company while you wait, too. Any requests?”

Parker’s grin was obvious, even though only the left side of her

mouth lifted. “Only one?”

“The ER people like to keep the noise level down.”

“Candace.”

“Good choice,” Reilly replied dryly.

“Crazy, probably.”

Reilly clasped her forearm briefl y. “I’ll get her.”

O

“You know you don’t have to stay,” Parker murmured.

“You look like hell,” Candace said, leaning over the side rail and

squeezing Parker’s hand. “Does it hurt much?”

“I’ve got a mother of a headache.”

“How’s your stomach?”

“Starving.”

“Back to normal then.” Candace patted Parker’s midsection

casually, and when the muscles beneath the thin cotton hospital gown

tensed beneath her fi ngers, she pulled her hand back sharply. That brief

touch telegraphed an image of the way Parker’s stomach went rigid just

before she orgasmed, and the memory brought a wave of heat surging

through her. Even Liz, who had been Candace’s fi rst, hadn’t aroused

her so thoroughly so quickly. Danger signals fl ared so brightly that she

wanted to walk—no, she wanted to run—from the room.

“What’s the matter?” Parker asked.

“Nothing,” Candace said brightly.

“You just got really pale.” Parker reached through the stainless

• 110 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

steel bars and caught Candace’s hand. “Are you feeling okay?”

“You’re the one who looks like a train wreck.”

“Did you have dinner?”

“What I need is one of those beers,” Candace said. Actually, she

needed more than that. What she needed was a couple of martinis and

another woman to take the edge off the intensity of her memories.

Another body to replace the feel of Parker’s hands, Parker’s mouth,

Parker’s soft moans.

“Want Mandy’s number?” Parker teased. “She’s got the cooler.”

“Pleeease.” Candace rolled her eyes. “Blond airheads are not my

type, even if she does have a great ass.”

“I didn’t notice that.”

“Uh-huh. I’ll just bet.”

“No, seriously,” Parker said with a hint of her devil-may-care

spirit surfacing, “I’m just partial to blondes.”

Candace leaned closer again. “I may be blond, but that’s the only

similarity.”

“No question. Your ass is much better than Mandy’s.”

Candace threaded her fi ngers through Parker’s, not even realizing

she’d done it until the heat of Parker’s palm seared her skin. The feel

of Parker’s fi ngers slipping between hers made her tremble inside in

a way that was more than lust. The excitement was exhilarating, and

terrifying.

“Well at least we know you don’t have a concussion,” Candace

said, “since your brain is still functioning.”

“Everything else is functioning too,” Parker whispered.

Candace saw no point in pretending she didn’t hear the invitation.

Parker was too sharp for that, and despite her free and easy lifestyle,

Candace didn’t play games.

“I don’t do repeats.”

“Neither do I,” Parker said.

“Good. Then we understand each other.”

“Perfectly.”

For just a second, Candace felt disappointed. Then, with the next

breath, relief took its place and she smiled, happy to be on comfortable

ground again.

“Friends then,” Candace said lightly. “Nice and simple.”

“Absolutely.” Carefully, Parker released her hold on Candace’s

• 111 •

RADCLY fFE

hand and drew hers back through the bars, letting it fall onto the bed.

“Nice and simple.”

O

“Want something from the vending room?” Bren asked Liz. “It’s

after nine. You should eat something.”

“I’m not really hungry,” Liz said. The waiting room had emptied

out over the last hour, and only one old man half-asleep in the corner and

two teenaged girls, drinking soda and laughing along with a sitcom on

the overhead television, remained. The stark white walls, eye-watering

fl uorescent lighting, and dingy gray tile-fl oor gave the place a bleak

institutional feel, and Liz couldn’t help comparing it to the carpeted

fl oors, fabric chairs and soothing color schemes of the OB offi ces in

the private clinic area of the hospital. That train of thought reminded

her that if she didn’t eat, she’d wake up in the middle of the night with

heartburn. Another new development. “I guess I should have something.

I just can’t face the thought of microwaved machine food.”

“You don’t have to risk that,” Reilly said, walking up to them. “I

offered pizza, remember?”

“How is she,” Liz said, standing. Bren and Parker’s teammates

joined them.

“The CT scan looks good. The surgeon’s with her now. He saw

some swelling behind the globe—the eyeball—and he might want her

to stay overnight for observation.”

“But no surgery?” Bren asked.

“Not likely. Not unless some problem develops with the pressure

in her eye.”

“That’s great,” Liz said.

“Excellent,” one of Parker’s teammates said. “We’re going to

make some calls and let everyone know she’s okay. Thanks!”

“No problem,” Reilly called as the women hurried off. Then,

taking in both Bren and Liz, she asked, “So, how about it? Pizza?”

Bren hesitated, clearly waiting for Liz to make the decision.

“Yes,” Liz replied. They all needed to eat, and after the hours of

waiting and worrying, she had a feeling none of them really wanted

to be alone. She knew she didn’t. She wanted to be with her friends.

And…she wanted to be with Reilly.

• 112 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Reilly grinned. “Okay, why don’t we—”

“Oh good, you’re still here,” Candace said, rushing in from the

corridor. “The surgeon said Parker can go home if someone stays with

her tonight. I volunteered us.”

“Us?” Liz and Bren said simultaneously.

Reilly raised an eyebrow.

“Well,” Candace said, cocking a hip and shrugging, “I don’t know

anything about edema and increased intra-ocular pressure and all those

other things on the list.”

“And we do?” Liz and Bren exclaimed.

“One of us does,” Candace remarked, sliding a look in Reilly’s

direction.

“Oh, that’s not fair,” Liz said. “It’s one thing to volunteer us, but

Reilly’s been here all night, and—”

“I don’t mind,” Reilly said. “We’ll order some pizzas and I’ll keep

an eye on Parker for an hour or two.”

Liz turned her back on her friends and lowered her voice. “Reilly,

are you sure? Don’t you have to work in the morning?”

“I have offi ce hours all day tomorrow. No surgery. Besides, I’m

used to getting by on just a few hours’ sleep.”

“You’ve already done more than your share.”

“I like Parker.” Reilly smiled. “And remember, I promised you

pizza.”

Liz hesitated, but it was hard to look into Reilly’s eyes and argue.

It was also hard to deny that she didn’t want to say good night to her.

She turned to Candace.

“Where are we taking her? Her place or yours?”

Candace smiled sweetly. “Well, Parker lives on the Main Line and

we really don’t want to spend all that time in the car. My place isn’t all

that big, but the sofa in Bren’s offi ce is so comfy…”

“My place,” Bren said, shaking her head in fond exasperation.

“Sure. Let’s get her out of here. Then let’s have a party.”

O

“Martini for me,” Candace said, setting a drink on a metal tray

decorated with hand-painted birds. “Thank God at last. Wine for you,

Bren.” She passed Bren a glass. “Ginger ale for Parker.” She poured

• 113 •

RADCLY fFE

soda into a glass, placed it next to her Martini, and frowned at Bren.

“Who in the world has ginger ale in their cupboard?”

“I do,” Bren said, perched on a stool in front of the cook island in

her large country-style kitchen. She had opened the rear sliding glass

doors, and a sultry summer’s night breeze wafted through the room.

“And lucky for you, too.”

“That’s me, the lucky type.” Candace lifted the tray and said to

Reilly, “Beer in the fridge if you’re drinking, or there’s soda or…” she

glanced at Liz, “whatever.”

“I’ll get it,” Liz said, opening the refrigerator and fi nding another

ginger ale for herself. She looked over her shoulder. “Beer, Reilly?”

“That’s fi ne. Anything is good.”

Bren followed behind Candace, wine glass in hand. “I’ll make

sure Parker has everything she needs up there. Do you two want to wait

down here for the pizza?”

Liz wondered how it was that Bren always read the situation right.

She always knew which one of them needed to be alone, or alone with

someone else, and she always knew which one needed to talk, or be

held, or just have someone to cry with. She wished she had been able

to give Bren half the support that Bren had given her over the years. On

impulse, she stopped her and pulled her into a hug. “Thanks.”

“Don’t worry,” Brenda whispered, giving Liz’s cheek a quick

peck. “I’ll think of some way for you to pay me back.”

“Any time. Say the word.” Liz opened her soda and gestured to the

small deck that adjoined Bren’s fenced fl agstone patio. “Why don’t we

wait outside. We’ll hear the doorbell when the pizza guy gets here.”

“Sure.”

Outside, the sky was unusually black and littered with stars, the

moon a perfect white disc shadowed with secrets. The rear of Bren’s

house and all the others on her block faced the backs of the buildings on

the next block over. Most of the windows in the paired Victorians were

open, and from a few the sounds of muted voices, occasional laughter,

and fragments of music fl oated down to them. For an instant, Liz had

the disorienting sensation that she was twenty-six again, and she and

Bren and Candace were having a party, and before the night was out,

she’d end up making love with a beautiful girl who would make all her

dreams come true. She sighed and sipped her soda.

• 114 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“You sound sad,” Reilly commented. She rested her beer can on

the top rail and turned sideways to face Liz.

“Sad? No, nostalgic.” Liz laughed shortly, casting Reilly a

sideways glance. “The three of us lived here what feels like a million

years ago. Actually, I moved out fi ve years ago. God, there are nights

when I feel old.”

“You’re not,” Reilly said. “You left to move in with Julia?”

“Yes.” Liz turned and rested her hips against the railing, glancing

up at the second fl oor window where she knew Parker was stretched

out on the sofa. She could almost see Candace curled up beside her in

the big chair and Bren on the other side of the room, probably behind

the big heavy oak library table that she used as a desk. There had been

many a night when she’d wished she could be back in that room with

decisions yet to be made. Decisions that she would make differently

this time.

“Do you miss her?”

“What?” A second or two passed while Liz deciphered the question.

“Oh. Julia. No. God, that sounds hard, doesn’t it.”

“Not really. I can tell it still hurts.”

Liz sighed. “I’ll tell you what hurts. What hurts is not knowing

exactly when things started to go bad. Not knowing why, or why I

didn’t see something sooner. Do something earlier.”

“Probably because you kept hoping things would work out.”

“Probably, and that sounds pathetic.”

Reilly sipped her beer. “Are you always so hard on yourself?”

“Are you always so kind?”

“No. Not at all.” Reilly looked at the buildings behind them, but

her expression said she was seeing something else. “Most of the time

I’m so wrapped up in what I’m doing, work mostly, that I’m oblivious

to what’s happening with other people.”

“I’ve never noticed that.”

“Things are different with you,” Reilly said cautiously.

“Sometimes, when I know you’re sad, I just want to reach out and take

the unhappiness away.”

“Reilly,” Liz murmured.

“I know. I know it’s—it’s crazy. We just met a few weeks ago.”

Reilly took a step closer, her hand coming to rest on Liz’s hip. She hadn’t

• 115 •

RADCLY fFE

meant to touch her. She never touched women, not even casually. When

she was around Liz, she couldn’t seem to stop touching her. Words

never seemed to be enough. She was never certain if she was making

herself clear. “I know I jumped the gun yesterday. I just…when you

talk about Julia I can see you hurting and I…I want to…I don’t know.

I…”

“Wait,” Liz said, pressing her fi ngers to Reilly’s mouth. “Wait.”

Reilly closed her eyes, afraid she’d gone too far, too fast again.

Liz’s skin was so soft against her mouth. It was so easy to imagine

those soft fi ngers slipping through her hair and brushing over her body.

She shuddered and slid her other hand around Liz’s waist. She hadn’t

known she’d wanted this, needed this. She leaned closer and her thighs

touched Liz’s. Liz’s swift gasp was like gas to a fl ame, and Reilly

ignited. She tossed her head and pushed Liz’s hand away, then kissed

her. This kiss wasn’t tentative like the fi rst uncertain taste had been the

day before. This time she claimed Liz’s mouth without apology, her

tongue playing insistently over Liz’s lips. She nibbled on Liz’s lower lip

until Liz whimpered, and then she soothed it with gentle licks. Holding

Liz more fi rmly, she kissed along the edge of her jaw and down her

throat. Liz’s hands roamed her back, digging into her muscles, calling

her blood to rise.

“I’ve wanted to do this since yesterday,” Reilly groaned, skimming

her hands up Liz’s sides, then back down over her hips. Liz’s thighs

parted and Reilly insinuated her pelvis between them. “You feel so

good. God, Liz, you feel so good.”

Lightheaded, her vision hazy, Liz cradled Reilly’s head in her

hands, forcing her to meet her eyes. “Listen to me.” Her breath was

coming so quickly it was hard to form words. While Reilly’s mouth

had been on hers, while Reilly’s body had been tight to hers, turning

her liquid inside, the world had disappeared. No past, no future. Only

the moment, and the moment had been Reilly and what Reilly made

her feel. She wanted her. She wanted that moment of absolute perfect

freedom to stretch backward through time and undo the hurts and the

mistakes she’d made. She wanted the moment to continue, endlessly,

dissolving all fear and uncertainty. That moment of connection, that

moment when she felt herself not alone, but sharing breath and body

and secret hopes, was worth almost any price. Almost.

“I need you to know something,” Liz murmured.

• 116 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Julia,” Reilly gasped.

“No. Yes, but not what you’re thinking.”

Reilly grew very still. “What then?”

Liz had thought of nothing except how to say this, how to explain,

but the kisses rattled her. “I’m pregnant.”

Reilly jerked her head free of Liz’s hands and looked down, as if

she were actually going to see something. “How…how far along?”

Even in the moonlight, Liz could see Reilly’s face drained of color.

“Almost eleven weeks.”

“Eleven weeks.” Reilly’s voice sounded hollow. She shook her

head as if someone had struck her, then she dropped her hands and

stepped back. “How could Julia leave you?”

It was the last thing Liz expected her to say. And there was such

sadness in her voice that Liz found tears fi lling her eyes, but she didn’t

know for whom she was crying. Herself or Reilly or someone else.

“She doesn’t know.”

Reilly laughed, a hollow, tortured sound. “I didn’t know Annie

was pregnant either. Not until after she died.”

“Oh God,” Liz whispered. “Reilly.”

“You should tell her, Liz. Give her a chance.”

“It wouldn’t make any difference.”

“You don’t know that.” Reilly took another step away, the shadows

slowly swallowing her. “I need to check Parker.”

The doorbell rang in the distance.

“The pizza. I’ll get it,” Liz said dully, but Reilly had already

disappeared into the house.

Liz made way her through the empty, silent rooms to the front door,

tipped the delivery boy, and carried the pizza boxes upstairs. Reilly

knelt by Parker’s side, talking to her quietly. When she straightened

and turned towards Liz, her face was blank. When she smiled, Liz saw

no warmth in her eyes. The absence of welcome was a new pain to add

to the others.

“Parker is doing fi ne,” Reilly said to all of them, her gaze

fl ickering over Liz. “I’ll come by to check her again in a few hours.

In the meantime, I’ll leave my beeper number with you. If there’s

any problem, anything you’re not certain of, just call me and I’ll be

right over.”

“Aren’t you staying for pizza?” Bren asked.

• 117 •

RADCLY fFE

Reilly indicated her softball shirt and shorts. “I’m going to head

home and get cleaned up.”

“Thanks for looking after her,” Candace said, sitting on the fl oor by

Parker with her back to the sofa. Parker’s eyes were closed but her left

hand lay on Candace’s shoulder, a lock of hair caught in her fi ngers.

“You’re welcome.”

As her footsteps disappeared down the hall, Candace regarded Liz

contemplatively.

“Something you want to share?”

For the fi rst time in a long time, Liz shook her head no.

• 118 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Reilly sat in her car in the dark just down the street from

Bren’s, her hands clamped around the steering wheel so hard

her fi ngers were numb. She should go home. She should go home and

forget about Liz. Parker was fi ne. Candace and Liz and Bren were

intelligent enough to take Parker back to the hospital if a problem

developed. She didn’t need to be making house calls. She didn’t need

to see Liz again. She didn’t need to have some distorted version of her

past revisit her, mocking her for her mistakes and offering her a chance

to repeat them.

Reilly jumped at the sound of tapping on the passenger side

window. When she leaned over and peered out, Liz stared in at her.

“Open the door,” Liz called.

“It’s unlocked.”

After a second’s hesitation, Liz opened the door and slid into the

front seat. “What are you doing out here?”

“Thinking. What are you doing?”

“Walking.”

“You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

Liz shook her head. “All of a sudden everyone treats me like I’m

infi rm.”

“There’s no point taking chances, even if it is a pretty safe

neighborhood.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh.” Reilly clenched her jaw. “That’s another reason to be

careful.”

“Let’s go for a ride.”

Reilly stared. Liz buckled her seatbelt and relaxed in the passenger

seat, her hands resting loosely in her lap. Her voice, though, had been

tight with tension.

• 119 •

RADCLY fFE

“Where?” Reilly asked.

“Anywhere.”

“All right.” Reilly started the engine and put the top down. “I’ve

got a sweatshirt in the trunk if you need it.”

“I’m not cold,” Liz said.

They didn’t speak again as Reilly drove through the nearly empty

streets of West Philadelphia, past the darkened zoo, past the turn-off to

Belmont Plateau and the ball fi elds, and west along the River Drive.

Reilly pulled into an empty parking lot facing the river that cut through

the city, and switched off the engine. The cooling motor ticked loudly

in the hot, still night air. The river wound through the trees like a black

velvet ribbon, the surface shimmering in the moonlight while fi refl ies

danced along the shore.

“I didn’t handle that very well,” Liz said at last. “I’m sorry I didn’t

say something sooner.”

“I think you tried a couple of times, but I obviously wasn’t

listening,” Reilly said bitterly. Had Annie tried to tell her, too? Jesus,

what was wrong with her?

“I was going to tell you yesterday, and then…that kiss. The last

thing I expected was to have the slightest interest in kissing anyone,”

Liz confessed. “And then when I did, my common sense went right out

the window.”

Reilly shook her head. “I’m a doctor and I bought it when you told

me you had the fl u. Christ, I never learn.”

“I just found out a few weeks ago—the day we met, in fact—and

with Julia leaving, I haven’t exactly been making announcements to

the world.”

“And you don’t know me at all. There’s no reason you should

have told me.”

“There’s a very good reason,” Liz said heatedly.

“What’s that?”

“You kissed me and I didn’t say no.”

“Well, you’ve told me now.”

Sadly, Liz accepted there would be no more kisses. With all that

was going on in her life, she knew it was for the best. Reilly wasn’t the

kind of woman to have a casual fl ing, and as much as she might wish

otherwise, neither was she. Especially not now, with a baby coming.

• 120 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

But she couldn’t leave things with so much pain between them. “You

said Annie died of a stroke.”

Reilly stared straight ahead as her stomach churned and the old,

deep pain surfaced. “Yes, she did.”

“And she was pregnant?”

“Yes.”

Liz wanted to know more, but could hear how it was tearing Reilly

up to talk about it. For a long minute she considered allowing the past

to remain buried, but somehow, she didn’t believe it was. She sensed

the specter of Annie’s death walked through Reilly’s life every day and

night. “But you didn’t know.”

“No.” Reilly shuddered and watched the moonlight slice over

the water. She had never talked about Annie with anyone. “Annie was

diagnosed as a teenager with severe diabetes. Like a lot of kids faced

with a potentially lethal disease, she refused to face how serious it was.

From the things she told me, she almost died a couple of times from

diabetic coma because she didn’t take her meds. She was a little better

about that when she got older, but she was still wild. She refused to let

anything get in the way of what she wanted.”

“Her illness must have been hard for you—for both of you.”

“Annie played hard. She lived every minute hard, and you either

went along with her for the ride or she left you behind.” Reilly sighed.

“That wild streak also made her very attractive. I didn’t do a whole lot

to rein her in.”

Liz wanted so badly to reach across the distance between them

and take Reilly’s hand. Reilly’s voice vibrated with so much loss and

self-recrimination, and beneath all that, with such bewilderment, that

Liz ached. But she’d already crossed boundaries she shouldn’t have,

especially not with someone like Reilly, who’d already been so hurt.

“You were very young.”

“Old enough. I was twenty-three when we met.” Reilly leaned her

head back. The black sky, pinpointed with stars, stretched endlessly

to some time and place she could barely imagine. Beneath it, she felt

small and alone and just a little lost. “I didn’t see the signs. I didn’t see

that she was in trouble. I didn’t take care of her.” She turned on the seat

and stared at Liz. “I didn’t take care of her, and she died.”

“She didn’t tell you, Reilly.”

• 121 •

RADCLY fFE

“She didn’t trust me, because she knew I didn’t want her to get

pregnant.”

Liz closed her eyes, Reilly’s words cutting through her now as

cleanly and brutally as Julia’s had that morning Julia had called from

California to tell Liz to cancel the appointment with her OB. I don’t

want a baby, Liz. I don’t want you to get pregnant.

The message had stunned her. Hearing it repeated now only drove

home how right she had been to stop the kiss, no matter how much her

body had wanted more. Now, she had to think, plan, make decisions for

two—herself and the child she had decided to bring into the world. She

was alone, and yet she wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Liz murmured, and she was. For Annie, for Reilly,

and for herself, knowing she would never have a chance to fi nd out

what might have been between her and Reilly.

“Ready to go back?” Reilly asked, as if reading Liz’s mind.

“Yes, I am.”

O

Bren turned on her desk lamp and angled it so that the cone of light

fell only on her computer screen. She’d already turned off the room

lights when she’d realized Parker and Candace were asleep. Candace,

curled up on the end of the sofa with Parker’s feet in her lap, had one

hand resting on the inside of Parker’s knee. They looked connected

even as they slept, and young enough to be teenagers. Parker shifted

and moaned quietly, and Candace immediately opened her eyes.

“You okay, baby?” she whispered.

Parker mumbled something unintelligible and then her breathing

returned to the even cadence of slumber. Candace closed her eyes.

Bren smiled to herself, imagining that Candace would be

embarrassed if she knew how tender she appeared in her unguarded

moments. Candace had always cultivated that tough girl façade, but it

wasn’t hard to see beneath it if you took the time to look. Almost no

one ever did, or ever wanted to. Parker didn’t seem to be bothered by

Candace’s bravado, or she wasn’t buying it. Bren wondered how long

it would be before Candace realized Parker was different, and that she

was different with her.

Once Bren was certain they had both drifted off again, she

• 122 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

opened her Melanie Richards email account to check the afternoon and

evening’s messages. She answered a couple of technical questions from

her editor, transferred deadline dates to her calendar, and then scanned

the message headers from senders she didn’t recognize. Halfway down

the screen, one header caught her eye.

Re: Jae’s mistress

Bren didn’t recognize the email address. DarkRider@freemail.

com. The message was short.

What is Jae afraid of?

Bren swept the cursor to delete, then hesitated, staring at the

question. It isn’t Jae who’s afraid. But she couldn’t reveal herself that

way—not about something she had never even told her friends. Why

then, did it seem that this stranger already knew? Her fi nger trembled

on the mouse, knowing she should ignore the message and move on,

safe in her anonymity. Instead she answered, pushing against the walls

of her own making.

Jae isn’t afraid. She’s waiting for the mistress brave enough to

free her.

She pushed send, then closed her eyes and fervently wished for

the message to dissolve in midair before it ever reached its target. What

was she doing?

Her email alert beeped and Bren jumped, her heart racing. She was

almost afraid to read the message. She opened her eyes and laughed at

her own foolishness. A CNN news bulletin. Just to prove to herself she

was being silly, she pushed send/receive again, knowing there would be

nothing there. She was wrong.

I’m not afraid. Are you?

A minute passed. Two. Four. Bren didn’t move, her fi ngers

completely motionless on the keyboard.

Afraid of what? she typed.

Her email program was set to download mail every fi ve minutes.

She could trigger it herself, but she didn’t. She had fi ve minutes to

get up and walk away from the computer. She could turn it off, and

by morning, she’d be herself again. Not Melanie Richards caught in

a shadow world populated with faceless women who knelt before her,

waiting on her pleasure. Waiting for her pleasure. She didn’t move. The

only sounds in the room were the quiet sighs of two women sleeping.

Her mail downloaded.

• 123 •

RADCLY fFE

To free me. I’m waiting.

As each minute ticked away and Bren resisted the invitation,

she breathed easier. She enjoyed games, even solitary ones, and she

recognized this one. She wasn’t about to be seduced into revealing

anything about herself, but she admired the attempt. Her mail

automatically downloaded again.

The Blue Diamond Lounge. Any night after 10.

Bren gasped and quickly closed her email program, then pushed

her chair back from the desk as if she could somehow escape the words

on her screen. The Blue Diamond Lounge was on Delaware Avenue, a

twenty-minute ride from her house.

O

Liz tiptoed into Bren’s offi ce, Reilly close behind her. The ride

back had been as silent as the trip to the river. Despite the distance

between them, she’d been acutely aware of Reilly less than two feet

away, rigidly staring straight ahead. The tight line of her jaw and the

rigid set of her shoulders suggested anger, too, but Liz couldn’t fathom

its source. The sadness and regret and even remorse she understood.

There was more going on than she knew, but there were only so many

wounds either of them could stand to open in one night, so she had kept

silent.

“Hi,” Liz whispered to Bren, who sat behind her desk with an

oddly blank expression. She might almost be sleeping with her eyes

open. “Bren?”

Bren swiveled toward them in her chair and blinked, as if coming

back to herself. She smiled. “Did you come to wake the sleeping

beauties?”

“Beauty isn’t sleeping,” Candace murmured. “Only the beast is.”

Parker grunted and made a feeble attempt to dig her toes into

Candace’s midsection. “The beast is awake and ornery.”

“You’re not allowed to be horny in your condition,” Candace

warned.

Parker laughed, and then immediately moaned. “Jesus, don’t make

me laugh. Ow. Damn.”

Reilly skirted around Liz to Parker’s side. She knelt by the sofa

and rested her hand on the top of Parker’s head. “Breathe through your

• 124 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

mouth and try not to laugh again. It increases the pressure in your

head.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” Candace said quickly. “Is she all

right?”

“Can someone turn the lights up?” Reilly asked. “Parker, close

your eyes.”

Liz reached behind her and raised the dimmer switch, slowly

increasing the illumination from the brass chandelier in the center of

the high ceiling. “Enough?”

“It’s good, thanks.” Reilly spent a few minutes examining Parker’s

face. “Does your eye hurt? Not your eyelids or your cheekbone, but the

eyeball itself?”

Parker hesitated and Candace leaned forward, her expression

anxious.

“No,” Parker fi nally said. “Everything around it hurts, but my eye

feels normal.”

“Is it moving beneath your eyelids? I don’t want to try to open

your lids because at this point it’s only going to put more pressure on

your eyeball.”

Again, Parker hesitated, and Candace slid her hand underneath the

leg of Parker’s sweatpants and rubbed her calf. Bren had offered her

the navy sweats to replace her softball shorts upon their arrival, and the

pants were tight and too short for her.

“If you’re not sure, Parker,” Candace said, “we can go back to the

emergency room.”

“No, no. I can tell. I’m okay.” Parker started to sit up and Reilly

gently restrained her.

“Stay down,” Reilly instructed. “Changing position like that can

also increase the pressure. If you want to sit up, roll on your side and

ease up slowly with someone helping you.”

“How long is this going to go on,” Parker grumped. “I have to go

to work in the morning.”

Liz laughed. “Parker, honey, you’re not going to work this week.

You’ll scare the clients away.”

“Well, I at least have to work from home. I’ve got a dozen open

fi les on my desk right now.”

“The swelling will increase for forty-eight hours, and then start to

subside,” Reilly said. “We’ll get some more ice on it tonight, and the

• 125 •

RADCLY fFE

longer you ice it, the faster it will resolve. You might be presentable

with sunglasses by the end of the week.”

“Better.” Parker closed her eyes, obviously exhausted.

Reilly stood. “I think everyone can relax. She looks fi ne. If

anything changes, call me.”

Candace extricated herself from the tangle of Parker’s legs and

stood. “Thanks.”

“Hey, I’m just glad she won’t be pitching this weekend. We ought

to be a couple games ahead of them by the time she gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” Parker muttered darkly.

“Well,” Reilly said, suddenly uneasy. “I better go.” She glanced at

Liz. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Liz said, although she was quite sure they were

saying goodbye. She watched her go, then slumped into the big

overstuffed armchair. “What a night.”

“So where did you go?” Bren asked.

Candace looked from Bren to Liz. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Liz said. “I went for a walk and ran into Reilly. We

took a ride for a few minutes, that’s all.” She shot Bren an apologetic

look. “I’m sorry. Were you worried?”

Bren blushed. “I should have been, but I got caught up doing

something and didn’t realize until I heard you come back how long

you’d been gone. You do keep your cell phone with you all the time,

right?”

Liz rolled her eyes. “Yes, I have it. I promise I will never be out

of contact.”

“So,” Candace said slowly, “I sensed a little…tension between

you and Reilly.”

Liz studied Parker, wondering if she was listening.

“She’s out of it,” Candace said. “I can tell from the way she’s

breathing.”

Bren smiled.

“We fi nally had our talk,” Liz said bleakly. “Let’s say there’s

nothing like a good dose of reality to put the brakes on one’s libido.”

Candace shook her head. “Darling, haven’t you learned by now

that you should never subject your libido to too much thought or

introspection?”

• 126 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“What did Reilly say?” Bren interjected.

“It’s complicated,” Liz said.

“Now there’s a news fl ash,” Candace muttered.

“Candace,” Bren said, her tone softly warning.

Candace held up her hands. “Okay. Okay. I’ll be quiet. It’s painful,

but I’ll manage.”

Liz couldn’t help but laugh, which felt strange when so much of

her resonated with sadness. “Long story short—she’s still got some

unresolved issues with a former lover who died suddenly.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Bren said.

“Defi nitely trouble there,” Candace said.

“How long ago?” Bren asked.

“Quite some time. A few years.”

Bren nodded thoughtfully. “Well, sometimes we’re more ready

than we realize to move on, and it takes meeting someone to recognize

that.”

Liz studied her, wondering who besides Reilly she was referring

to. “And then there’s the little matter of her not wanting children.”

“Deal breaker there,” Candace said nonchalantly.

“Yes,” Liz agreed.

Bren said nothing.

“So,” Candace said, obviously ready to change the subject. “What

are we going to do to celebrate your birthday, Bren? You haven’t told

us where you want to go yet.”

Bren smiled slowly. “Anywhere I want, right?”

“Sky’s the limit.”

“Okay then. The Blue Diamond.”

Candace gaped, for once without a comeback.

“Bren, sweetie,” Liz said carefully. “The Blue Diamond is a strip

club.”

“I know.”

• 127 •

• 128 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Comfortable?” Dr. Marta Thompson asked.

“Oh, absolutely.” Liz tried not to grit her teeth. “Of course,

I’m about to wet my pants. If I were wearing any.”

“She’s grumpy this morning,” Candace said, perched on a stool

by Liz’s side.

“I’m not grumpy,” Liz grumped.

Marta laughed. “You’re allowed. This won’t take very long, and

then you’ll be able to get rid of all that water in your bladder.”

“How about all the water in my feet,” Liz complained.

“How much swelling are we talking about?” Marta walked to the

end of the examination table and pushed back the sheets. She pressed

her thumb into Liz’s ankle. “I don’t see much right now.”

“Usually by the end of the day my shoes feel tight.”

“But not in the morning?”

“No.”

“It’s normal to have a little swelling in your legs after you’ve been

active all day, particularly with the kind of heat we’ve been having. Try

to prop them up whenever you can.”

“Oh, that’ll be easy,” Liz muttered, “when I’m in court all day or

meeting with doctors and hospital administrators.”

“Liz, honey,” Candace murmured, leaning close to Liz’s ear,

“you’re going from grumpy to bitchy.”

Liz glowered. “Just wait until you’re in this situation someday and

see how much sympathy you get from me.”

Candace laughed, looking horrifi ed. “Oh no. Never.”

The doctor smiled and exposed Liz’s abdomen, neatly folding the

sheet across her pelvis. “Are you two ready to get a look at the baby?”

Liz nodded, suddenly anxious, and reached for Candace’s hand.

“Don’t worry,” Candace whispered. “This is going to be

wonderful.”

• 129 •

RADCLY fFE

The doctor adjusted the fetal monitor so Liz and Candace could

hear the heartbeat as she moved the ultrasound probe over Liz’s

uterus.

“It’s beating so fast,” Liz murmured.

“Fast is good,” Marta assured her. “Right now it’s around 150 beats

a minute. Ah, here we are.” She pointed to the screen, her fi ngertips

circling over an amorphous white blob about two inches long. “That’s

the fetus.”

Liz stared, her chest tightening. It was so small, this foreign thing

growing inside her. It didn’t look like anything. It could almost be a

trick of the imagination. But seeing it, knowing it was there—a part of

her, made her feel protective. “Can you tell anything about it?”

What she wanted to ask was Can you tell if there’s anything wrong

with it?

“Can you tell if we’re having a girl or a boy?” Candace asked.

Liz smiled, despite the fl ash of sadness that this was not happening

the way she had imagined.

“It’s a bit early to determine sex,” the doctor said, “although

with this equipment we often get good enough resolution to do it. I’m

actually looking at something called fetal nuchal translucency, which is

a developmental sign that things are going along okay so far.”

“And?” Liz asked.

“Everything I’ve seen looks great. I don’t see a penis, but that

doesn’t mean there isn’t one. And twelve weeks is just a little bit too

soon to base sex on the three line sign.”

“Three lines?” Candace asked.

Marta put the probe away and covered Liz’s abdomen. “The labia

will show up as three parallel lines. By sixteen to twenty weeks, I’ll feel

very comfortable calling the sex if I see that or the penis.”

“But everything is all right so far?” Liz repeated.

“Everything is fi ne. Do you want a picture?”

“Two,” Liz said, her voice catching. “I want to send one to Andi—

my sister.”

“You got it. After you get dressed, stop by my offi ce and we’ll talk

about what you can expect between now and the next visit.”

“Thanks.” Liz took the Polaroid prints and sat up on the side of

the table. She studied them as Marta left the offi ce. “Andi is going to

love this.”

• 130 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Candace leaned against Liz’s side, one arm around her waist.

“That is so cool. I can’t believe your stomach is still so fl at with all this

going on inside it.”

Liz snorted. “Believe me, it doesn’t feel fl at. I’m not even halfway

there and I already feel like a water balloon.”

“Well, you don’t look it. You look great.” Candace kissed her

cheek. “In fact, you look sexy as all hell.”

Suddenly, Liz was acutely aware of Candace’s breast against her

arm, of the softness of her lips, of the subtle exotic scent of her perfume.

Candace’s breath was warm against the side of her neck, and the heat

streaked down and settled into the pit of her stomach.

“Liz. God, Liz.” Candace’s mouth skimmed the edge of Liz’s ear.

“I miss you so much sometimes.”

Body memories surfaced—Candace holding her close in the

middle of the night, teasing her awake with her knowing mouth and

her clever hands, arching above her with a wild cry of exultation. Liz

couldn’t help but respond in the arms of a woman who knew her, a

woman who loved her. She’d been inside this woman, and Candace

had been inside her—deeper than fl esh, but it was her fl esh every bit as

much as her battered heart that cried out for more. Her nipples tightened

and a ripple of excitement pulsed through her sex. She moaned softly.

“Oh yes,” Candace murmured, gripping Liz’s shoulders as her

mouth brushed Liz’s.

Liz’s eyes fl ickered closed as want coiled in her depths, but the

image she saw behind her trembling lids was not Candace’s face. She

dragged herself free of the hot, lush sea of sensation and tried to focus.

Candace’s eyes were a hazy blue, half lost to desire already. Liz eased

away, stroking Candace’s cheek.

“Sweetie. No.”

“Why not,” Candace rasped. “You know I love you.”

“I know, but we can’t go back.”

Candace rested her forehead against Liz’s. “God, why not?”

“I don’t know.” Liz laughed shakily. “I can’t be called upon to

think deep thoughts right now. I have to pee.”

“Well God.” Candace stepped back, breathing unevenly. “We can’t

let a little seduction get in the way of your bathroom break.”

“Are you okay?” Liz averted her eyes from the hard knots of

Candace’s nipples tenting her sheer silk blouse. Liz still throbbed in

• 131 •

RADCLY fFE

places that she didn’t want to be throbbing, and the thin hospital gown

wasn’t much of a barrier. She hadn’t had sex in months, and her body

ached more than she could ever remember not just for touch, but for

release.

“I can live with being turned on until I can fi nd a fi x.” Candace

smiled uncertainly. “Are you mad?”

“No,” Liz said instantly. She climbed down from the table and

started to dress. “I’m fl attered.”

“I’d prefer you were dying to go to bed with me.”

Liz kept her face turned away because she didn’t want Candace to

know just how aroused she really was. “Why ruin a beautiful friendship

with something as tawdry as sex.”

Candace laughed. “Tawdry. True. But it feels so good when you’re

doing it, and we were good. Remember?”

“Nope,” Liz said lightly, buttoning her blouse. “I can’t remember

a thing about it.” She turned just as Candace put her hands on her hips

with an indignant expression. “But I know I can’t imagine my life

without you in it.”

“Oh, I hate it when you do that,” Candace pouted.

“What?”

“Remind me about all the important things in life just when I’m

trying to have a little fun.”

Laughing, Liz grabbed Candace’s hand. “Come on, walk me to

the bathroom.”

“I guess there’s no chance of making out in the stalls like we used

to do in the dorm, huh?”

“Candace.”

“Okay. Okay. I’m zipping.”

O

After Liz fi nished with the doctor, she and Candace met Bren for

their Thursday afternoon lunch.

“I ordered drinks for us when you called,” Bren said as Liz and

Candace settled across from her. “So tell me everything.”

“Look at this,” Liz said, passing the Polaroid across the table.

“Oh, will you look at that.” Delighted, Bren beamed at Liz. “It’s

wonderful!”

• 132 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“It’s pretty amazing,” Liz agreed.

“And everything is okay? Right on schedule?”

“Perfect.” Liz was aware of Candace silently downing her martini

beside her, but didn’t know how to ease her obvious discomfort. She

was still a little shocked at her own response to the unexpected kiss. That

seemed to be happening a lot lately, too. First Reilly, now Candace. But

even though she’d responded to Candace’s kiss, it seemed now more

like just another memory from their past. She didn’t feel the urgent

need to repeat it that she’d felt with Reilly, but maybe that was just

because kissing Reilly was a new experience. Even as she thought it,

she knew she was deluding herself. She’d felt a connection, an intimacy,

with Reilly that she hadn’t felt with Julia in years. But it didn’t matter,

because she wasn’t going to be kissing Reilly or Candace again.

“Liz?” Bren asked, looking puzzled.

“Hmm? Sorry.”

“I was asking about the birthing classes? When do we start?”

“Not until the last trimester. We’ve got a ways to go yet.”

Abruptly, Candace fi nished her drink and slid from the booth. “I’m

sorry, I’ve got to run.” She leaned over and pecked Bren on the cheek.

“We’ll pick you up at nine tomorrow night, okay?”

Surprised, Bren nodded. “Okay. Sure. Did you forget about a hot

date or something?”

Candace didn’t look in Liz’s direction. “Just something I need to

take care of. See you both tomorrow. Then we’ll party!”

Bren stared after her, then looked questioningly to Liz. “Is she

okay?”

“She’ll be fi ne,” Liz said, hoping it was true.

O

Candace made it to the Main Line in twenty minutes. She pulled

into the circular drive in front of the elegant brick colonial and jumped

from the car. Moving quickly so she wouldn’t have to think about

exactly what she was doing, she hurried up the fl agstone walk and

rapped the brass knocker on the Wedgwood blue door. A minute later,

Parker answered.

“Hello,” Parker said leaning against the door and grinning. “Just

happen to be in the neighborhood?”

• 133 •

RADCLY fFE

“This is a sympathy call.” Candace took in Parker’s bare feet,

blue jeans, and faded blue oxford shirt. She looked good even though

her face was badly discolored. Her right eye was open now and she

regarded Candace quizzically. “How are you doing?”

Parker held the door open wide. “A lot better right now. Come

on in.”

Candace took in the tasteful antique furnishings in the foyer and

what she could see of the library and formal sitting room as she followed

Parker down the wide hall. Parker turned into a study in the rear and

said over her shoulder, “Can I get you something to drink?”

“No, thanks.” Candace paused in the doorway. She hadn’t come to

socialize, but she wasn’t selfi sh enough to risk interfering with Parker’s

recovery. “Your face looks better.”

“It is.” Parker turned to study Candace, who looked wired, as

if she were high. Parker knew that wasn’t it. She stepped closer and

deliberately surveyed the length of Candace’s body. “Something else I

can do for you?”

“Maybe there’s something we can do for each other.”

“I’m not at my kissing best.” Parker stepped behind Candace and

pulled her against her. She cupped Candace’s breasts and whispered in

her ear, “But everything else is working just fi ne.”

Candace leaned her head back against Parker’s shoulder, swaying

as Parker massaged her breasts. “I want you to make me come.”

Parker laughed, wondering who had gotten her so worked up and

why they hadn’t taken care of her. Foolish of them. For a second, she

resented whoever it was, but then, Candace was here now. She had

come to her, and at the moment, that was enough. “I think I can take

care of that for you.”

“You better,” Candace panted, covering Parker’s hands and

squeezing Parker’s fi ngers around her breasts even harder. “I feel like

I’m going to explode if I don’t come soon.”

“Let’s go,” Parker said sharply, grabbing Candace’s hand and

spinning her around. She practically dragged her down the hall and up

the stairs to her bedroom. Whoever had started this, she was going to

fi nish it. And when she did, Candace wouldn’t be thinking of anyone

except her.

“Are you sure it’s all right?” Candace asked again.

“Shut up.” Parker halted by the side of the bed and kissed Candace

• 134 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

hard. “I’ll tell you if there’s something I can’t handle.”

“All right,” Candace said with a predatory gleam in her eye.

She put her fi ngertips in the center of Parker’s chest and pushed her

backward toward the bed. “Lie down.”

Wordlessly, Parker complied.

“You’re not supposed to do anything strenuous.” Candace climbed

onto the bed and straddled Parker’s thighs. She unbuttoned her blouse

and dropped it by the side of the bed, then reached behind her and

unclasped her bra. She let it fall from her arms and cupped her breasts.

“So you can just watch.”

“Not on your life,” Parker muttered.

“All right then,” Candace whispered. “You can direct.”

“Anything I want?”

Candace smiled, trailing her fi ngers over her breasts. “Name it.”

“Get naked.” Parker’s gaze locked on Candace’s face as she

unbuttoned her own jeans. “And take my pants off, too.”

Candace unzipped her slacks, then shifted from side to side

to remove them and her panties. When she was nude, she grasped

the waistband of Parker’s jeans and pulled them down her thighs,

murmuring appreciatively when she saw that Parker wore nothing

underneath. While Candace got Parker’s jeans off, Parker unbuttoned

her shirt and yanked it off, then lay down with her back propped against

several pillows.

“Anything else I can do for you?” Candace asked, her breasts

fl ushed and her pink nipples hard as marbles.

“Sit in my lap, facing me.”

“Butterfl y. Nice,” Candace purred, settling into the cradle of

Parker’s pelvis and wrapping her legs behind Parker’s hips. She tilted

forward and rubbed herself over Parker’s stomach. “I’m wet.”

“Tease your nipples,” Parker said, sweeping her thumb back and

forth over Candace’s lower belly.

Candace caught her lower lip between her teeth as she pulled

both nipples between her thumbs and forefi ngers. She glanced down,

watching Parker’s thumb move closer and closer to the base of her

clitoris. Her hips undulated in a slow circle against Parker’s hard

stomach.

“Pinch them.” Parker dipped her thumb lower for a second, then

skipped away.

• 135 •

RADCLY fFE

“Oh God.” Candace squeezed her breasts and pinched her nipples

with her nails. “I want you to play with my clit.”

“Who’s in charge here?” Parker grunted. Watching Candace

become more and more excited, feeling the hot slick of her arousal

paint her stomach, was making her crazy. It took all her willpower not

to thrust her fi ngers deep inside Candace and make her come, right

now, but she sensed Candace wanted to be controlled for just a little

longer. She moved her hand away from Candace’s center. “You play

with it.”

“I’ll come.”

“No you won’t. You’re not going to come until I make you, and if

you do, it’s the last time I ever will.”

“Oh come on, baby,” Candace whined, pressing two fi ngers to the

base of her clit. “I need to come.”

“Too bad.” Parker watched fi rst Candace’s face, then her fi ngers

circling between her legs, her own clitoris so hard it hurt. “Use two

hands.”

Candace’s eyes slammed shut as she tilted her pelvis and slid two

fi ngers deep inside herself. Her fi ngers jerked over her clitoris, faster

and faster.

“I’m going to come,” Candace blurted.

Parker grabbed her wrists and pulled them away. “Slide up here.”

“Be careful of your face,” Candace gasped. “Oh God I’m so

close.”

“Play with your breasts again.” Parker cupped Candace’s ass and

eased her higher up on the bed. “And watch.”

Candace stared down, her body bowed, as she rubbed and tweaked

her nipples. Parker gently kissed her clitoris and she started to come.

She held herself perfectly still as Parker kissed her again, her orgasm

unfurling like a fl ower beneath the sun, reaching, stretching, bursting

with heat and life deep inside her.

“Kiss me again,” Candace whispered.

Parker did.

Candace’s breath shuddered from her. “Again.”

Parker tenderly circled her lips around Candace’s clitoris and

sucked slowly until she had her all the way inside her mouth. Then she

fl icked her tongue back and forth.

• 136 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Candace threw her head back, pulsing against Parker’s mouth,

exploding beyond pleasure, coming again and again. She fell forward,

barely able to catch herself on her trembling arms. “Oh God. God. God,

I needed that.”

“No kidding.” Grinning, Parker stretched her arm out as Candace

collapsed next to her and cradled her against her side. “Catch your

breath. Then I want to come in your mouth.”

Immediately, Candace propped herself up on an elbow, sweeping

her hair back from her face with her other hand. “Fast or slow?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Parker said. “I’m only going to last about two

seconds.”

Candace worked her way down the bed and settled between

Parker’s thighs. “You’re wrong about that. I can make it last as long

as I want.”

What seemed to Parker like hours later, after she’d almost come a

half dozen times but somehow Candace had stopped her orgasm before

it could crest, she fi nally gave in and begged. “I can’t take it anymore.

Please let me come.”

“Soon, baby.” Candace eased her fi ngers inside her and teased the

circle of muscle below with her thumb.

Parker groaned and raised her hips, inviting Candace deeper. “I’m

going to come. Oh yeah, fuck me. Fu…”

Candace pressed deeper with both hands as Parker climaxed in

her mouth. Candace didn’t think of Liz. She didn’t think of anyone or

anything except how open and trusting and exquisitely beautiful Parker

was in that moment. When Parker fi nally went slack with a long sigh,

Candace nuzzled her face against Parker’s stomach.

“So, did you get what you came for?” Parker teased, stroking her

hair.

“Oh yeah,” Candace whispered. What she didn’t say, what she

didn’t even want to think about, was that she’d found more than she’d

ever expected.

• 137 •

• 138 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Reilly’s beeper went off just as she slammed her locker, fi nally

ready to leave for the night. Grimacing, she checked the

readout. She’d been on call the night before and should have gone

home fi rst thing in the morning. Instead she’d ended up working an

extra ten hours because the ortho trauma service had a dozen cases

scheduled for the day, and she knew if she didn’t stay and do some of

them, the patients were likely to get bumped until the next day or even

Sunday. And besides that, she hadn’t had any good reason to go home,

other than to sleep, and she’d been too restless all week to do much of

that. Every time she lay down and the quiet closed in around her, she

thought of Liz. Funny, once Annie had occupied her thoughts in those

moments between waking and slumber, but now it was Liz, and that

was as disturbing as it was different. No, it was much better to work and

keep all those confusing ruminations at bay.

She frowned at the four digit number. It was the phone at the

security station in the lobby. A visitor? Her heart rate soared. Liz. She

grabbed the wall phone and punched in the extension.

“Danvers,” Reilly said immediately, before the caller had even

fi nished saying hello.

“Reilly? It’s Parker.”

Reilly swallowed her disappointment. “Hey. How’re you doing?”

“I just had my follow-up appointment. All systems go.”

“That’s great.”

“Listen, how about I buy you dinner? I owe you a lot more than

that, but hey—it’s a start.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Reilly said. “I appreciate the offer,

but…”

“You got a game tonight?”

“No, Sunday.”

• 139 •

RADCLY fFE

“So then, how about dinner,” Parker insisted.

Reilly couldn’t think of a reason to refuse, and maybe an hour

or so of socializing and a drink or two would help her relax enough to

sleep.

“Okay,” Reilly said. “I’m in scrubs, though. I need to go home and

shower and change. Why don’t I give you my address and you can meet

me there. Have a drink while you wait.”

“Great. We’ll make a night of it. Grab dinner, go to a club, maybe

run into some interesting ladies.”

“Sure. Why not. I’ll be right down.” Reilly hung up the phone.

Maybe that was exactly what she needed, a little dose of Parker’s

prescription for a good time.

O

“I can’t believe I don’t have anything to wear,” Liz complained,

whipping the clothes back and forth along the rack in her bedroom

closet in frustration.

“We’re going to a strip club,” Candace pointed out as she lounged

on the bed in tight, white hip-huggers and a navy halter top. “Jeans and

some slinky little top will work just fi ne.”

“My jeans are too tight and my breasts are too big.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t have at least one pair of jeans tucked

away somewhere that will fi t,” Candace said.

“Maybe.”

“And your breasts are fi ne.” Candace wiggled her eyebrows. “In

fact, I like the busty look on you.”

Liz glowered. “C-cups are hardly what I’d call busty.”

“Is this just normal pregnancy grumps or is something else going

on?” Candace asked.

Liz sat next to Candace, holding a red silk blouse in her hands. “I

miss Reilly.”

“I guess you haven’t heard from her.”

“Not since she left Bren’s last weekend.”

“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”

“Why don’t you like her?”

“It’s not that. Hey, I’m all for having a little fun. But from

everything you said, Reilly seems way too complicated, you know?”

• 140 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I know. I know.” Liz sighed and went back to the closet to

search through a stack of clothes on the top shelf. She probably did

have something that would fi t. Without turning around, she said

conversationally, “So, where did you run off to yesterday in the middle

of lunch?”

“Parker’s,” Candace replied.

“How is she?”

“In prime form.”

Liz turned around with a pair of blue jeans that she had put away

after losing ten pounds her fi rst year in practice. They would have been

loose on her three months before, but now they would probably fi t just

right. “Prime form as in she’s recovering or…?”

“As in she’s much better, and she can make me come so hard I feel

like I’m seeing God.”

“Ah,” Liz said, for some reason both embarrassed and a little turned

on. She almost envied Candace having someone to go to, someone she

desired and trusted to take care of her physical needs, whereas she had

been restless and semi-aroused all week with no options except of her

own making. Not that she minded that, but it just wasn’t taking the

edge off.

“Ah, what?” Candace said, suddenly cranky herself. It wasn’t like

her afternoon with Parker was anything other than convenient.

“Nothing, I just think it’s…I don’t know, nice.”

“Nice?” Candace laughed. “Okay, it was nice.”

“Are you seeing her again?”

“No,” Candace said rapidly. “Not as in seeing seeing. I did mention

we were going to the Blue Diamond tonight.” Candace looked away. “I

didn’t invite her or anything. I think it just slipped out when I was still

a little mellow.”

“Don’t you mean dazed and disoriented from your out-of-thisworld orgasm?” Laughing, Liz tucked in her blouse and breathed a sigh

of relief when she could button her jeans. Her waistline had expanded

at least an inch, except now that she actually studied it, she had a little

bit more of a tummy rather than a bigger waistline. “I think it’s fi ne if

she joins us. I like her, and so does Bren. And God, it’s a strip club. It’s

not like we’re going to be having any deep personal conversations.”

“Well, if she does show up, it’s not like we’re going to be together

or anything.”

• 141 •

RADCLY fFE

“Of course not.” Liz gave Candace a quick hug. “Stop being so

afraid of having a relationship. They’re not life-threatening.”

“How do you know? They could be lethal for some of us.”

Liz paused by her bedroom door and regarded Candace seriously.

“Do you actually believe that?”

“They just don’t work for me. I proved that with you, didn’t I?”

“I think the only thing you proved with me was that you were

young and you weren’t ready to settle down. It doesn’t mean you’re not

relationship material.”

Candace studied her hands, unusually subdued. “I was in love

with you. If I could fuck that up, I could fuck anything up.”

“Maybe we moved too fast,” Liz said, leaning against the

doorjamb with her hands behind her back. “Maybe we weren’t right

for each other.”

“We were great together.”

“We had great sex. And we cared about each other.” Liz didn’t

know herself why that wasn’t enough. Shouldn’t it be? Maybe they

should try again. She wasn’t even certain why she’d said no to Candace’s

kiss the day before. They loved each other. Candace was gorgeous and

sexy and just about irresistible. Suddenly, Liz thought of Reilly and

how when Reilly touched her, she felt Reilly in a place so deep, so

fundamentally her that the connection made her ache. No one had ever

made her feel quite like that, not Candace whom she had adored, or

Julia whom she had wanted so desperately to love. She sighed. “And I

love you to pieces, but maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Candace raised her head and met Liz’s eyes across the room. “Do

you believe that? Some things are meant to be?”

“Maybe. Sometimes I think so.” Liz smiled ruefully and shrugged.

“Although right now, I’m batting zero.”

“No you’re not.” Candace bounced up off the bed and slunk across

the room, her eyes glittering. She kissed Liz soundly on the mouth, then

wrapped her arm around her waist. “You’ve got Bren. And you’ve got

me. And if you need to get laid, you’ve got my number.”

Laughing, Liz threw her arm around Candace’s shoulder. “Good

to know, since you’re on speed dial.”

O

• 142 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Bren checked the time. 8:59 p.m. Candace and Liz would be

downstairs to pick her up any second. She should check her make-up

one last time and go downstairs to wait for them, but instead, she sat

staring at her email. At exactly nine p.m. she pushed send/receive and

watched her mail download. A message appeared—the same message

that had appeared every night at nine p.m. for the last four nights.

I’ll be there tonight. Will you?

This time, instead of deleting the message as she had every other

night, Bren immediately typed What makes you think I know where it

is?

You write the city like you know it.

Bren smiled. Nothing caught a writer’s attention faster than

someone who paid attention to their work. The doorbell rang, but Bren

ignored it. She should go. This was a game that was becoming too real.

Instead of signing off, she asked,

How will I know you?

Ask the bartender. He’ll have a note for you from Jae.

“Bren?” Candace shouted from downstairs. “Hey? You ready?”

“Just a minute,” Bren called back as she typed. Jae isn’t real.

Are you sure?

Bren closed the email program and stood up. Enough. The game

was over. All she had to do was ignore the whole thing. It was probably

just a prank anyhow. She could be getting an email from someone in

Iowa who’d Googled the names of bars in Philadelphia. There was no

reason to think that this person would actually be there tonight, and

even if she was, there was no reason to meet her.

“Bren?” Candace asked again.

“On my way.”

Bren hurried downstairs. Nothing would happen that she didn’t

want to happen, because she was in control. She slowed, considering

that. Jae—no, the stranger—understood her need to be in control. Even

though it seemed like the stranger had been making all the overtures,

she’d set everything up so that ultimately, Bren would make the

critical moves. Bren would be in charge, just the way Bren wanted it.

Interesting.

“Happy birthday!” Candace pulled Bren into her arms and kissed

her exuberantly. “You ready for some adventure, baby?”

• 143 •

RADCLY fFE

Bren tightened her arms around Candace’s neck and kissed her

back. “Could be.”

“Oh my God,” Candace said, stepping back and eyeing Bren

incredulously. “Where did you get leather pants?”

“The usual place. A clothing store.” Bren smiled, enjoying

Candace’s astonishment. Her lightweight dark brown leather pants were

cut low, and she’d chosen a sleeveless black shirt that dove between

her breasts and rode high enough to expose a few inches of her belly.

She had a lot of skin showing—well, for her anyhow—but it was her

birthday. A girl was entitled to be daring on her birthday.

“You look so hot.”

“Well don’t say it like it’s such a shock,” Bren chided.

“No. I don’t mean that. I mean you look…different. Good.

Great.”

“Come on before you say anything else and really get in trouble,”

Bren said, laughing. “Let’s not keep Liz waiting.”

“Where have you been hiding this side of yourself,” Candace

complained as Bren closed the door behind them and they started down

the steps to the sidewalk.

“I guess you could say between the covers.”

“You’ve got some explaining to do,” Candace grumbled.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Bren teased. But maybe it was time.

O

“Want another beer?” Parker asked, pushing her chair back from

the table.

Reilly reached out to steady the empties on the sticky, crowded

surface of the small round table. After she’d showered and changed

into jeans and a T-shirt, she and Parker had opted for dinner at a

neighborhood bar where they could watch a baseball game on the big

screen TV. Over the course of a couple of hours, they ate chicken wings

and spicy curly fries and drank beer out of the bottle. Parker had drunk

most of the beer.

“Are you driving somewhere later on?” Reilly asked.

Parker squinted at the round clock behind the bar. The letters

spelling out Schlitz on the dingy face were faded from decades of

smoke, even though no one was smoking inside now.

• 144 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I’ve got a little time,” Parker said. “I’m crashing a birthday

party.”

“Now that sounds like a hot time.”

“It is when it’s Candace and her friends.”

Reilly sucked in a breath. “Oh. Well, if you’re driving, you’d

better go easy on the brew.”

“Don’t worry, I’m spacing ’em out.”

While Parker went to get refi lls, Reilly watched the game. Or tried

to. She wondered where the party was. She wondered if Liz would be

there. If Candace was going to be there, Bren and Liz probably would

be too. She told herself it wasn’t a good idea to think about Liz, but

she’d been telling herself that all week and it hadn’t really worked.

She tried logic again. Liz had told her to stop, because she didn’t

want to be involved. That made sense. There was no law against

pregnant women dating, except they weren’t talking about dating. If

Liz hadn’t stopped her, Reilly had a feeling that kiss would have turned

into a lot more very quickly. And that spelled complications, for both

of them. No, they both made the right decision. Bad timing. Bad idea.

Use your head, Reilly. Let it go.

“Whatever you’re thinking, it looks pretty heavy.” Parker dropped

into the chair opposite Reilly and passed a mug of sweating draft beer

across to her.

“Nah,” Reilly said. “I was just zoning.”

“Huh.”

“So. A birthday party.”

“Yeah. Bren’s.” Parker sipped her beer. “At the Blue Diamond.

Ever been?”

Reilly shook her head. “After hours place?”

“Strip club.”

“Girls? Stripping, I mean?”

“Yep. And lots of girls in the audience, too.”

Reilly laughed. “And this is where Bren’s going for her

birthday?”

“Yeah, kind of sounds like Candace’s idea, doesn’t it? But it

wasn’t.” Parker shook her head. “Candace says it was Bren’s.”

“So, um, I guess they’re all going?”

“You mean all of them including Liz?”

Reilly looked away.

• 145 •

RADCLY fFE

“You know,” Parker said, rubbing her face gingerly. “Even with

the shades, the lights hurt my eyes. I’m not so sure I can drive in the

dark. I didn’t think about that when I came in this afternoon.”

“You can stay at my place tonight if you need to,” Reilly said.

Parker said, “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“And,” Reilly added slowly, “if you need a ride down to the Blue

Diamond, I’ll take you.”

Parker grinned. “That would be great.”

• 146 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The minute Bren walked through the door of the Blue Diamond,

she felt as if she had stepped into a scene from a William

Gibson post-apocalyptic cyber-fantasy. The walls and ceiling were

painted black, and blue bulbs in recessed fi xtures drenched the room in

a murky haze, obscuring everything except the raised platform which

took up the length of one entire side of the room. Featureless, nearly

formless fi gures of indeterminate sex occupied most of the tables.

Three upright silver poles gleamed beneath tightly focused spotlights

on the stage. At the moment, it was empty, but a pounding bass beat

reverberated through the fl oor and shimmered in the air.

“I think the act is about to start. Let’s grab a table,” Bren urged.

“I can’t see a thing,” Liz muttered, stumbling into a chair.

“You’re not supposed to,” Candace replied, grabbing her arm.

“That way you can get a hand job under the table without anyone

noticing.”

Bren snorted, moving a little faster as her eyes adjusted. She

wasn’t sure why, but she didn’t want to miss any of the acts.

“I’m not sitting on these chairs then,” Liz announced.

Laughing, Candace tugged Liz’s hand. “Come on, I’ll take care of

you. I’ll fi nd you a nice safe seat.”

“There’s a table open right at center stage,” Bren said. It was

almost as if it was waiting for them, because as near as she could make

out in the gloom, the other tables with good views of the stage were

occupied. “I’ll grab it.”

Before they’d reached the square wood pedestal table, the room

grew even darker and the music ratcheted up a notch. Almost by feel,

Bren found an empty chair and slid into it, and Liz took the seat next

to her.

“I want a drink,” Candace shouted above the blaring music. “I’m

not sure there’s table service.”

• 147 •

RADCLY fFE

Bren thought about the note that might or might not be waiting for

her, and quickly focused on the stage. If there was a note at the bar, it

would be there later. If there wasn’t, she didn’t want to know right now.

She liked the anticipation, the excitement, of thinking that Jae was here

somewhere, possibly watching her. Of course, Jae wouldn’t know what

she looked like, because there were no pictures of her as her author

persona. But still, she had a feeling that Jae would know her, and that

she would know Jae.

“I’ll have a screwdriver,” Bren said.

“Be right back.” Candace disappeared into the gloom.

“Okay, confess,” Liz said into Bren’s ear.

Bren started in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Why did you pick this place?”

“Oh.” Bren considered any number of plausible replies, but it was

something about the tone of Liz’s voice that caused her to say the one

thing she never expected to say. “I might be meeting someone here.”

“Really,” Liz said with interest. “Who?”

“I don’t know.”

Liz shifted her chair closer. “Like a blind date?”

“Something like that.”

“You let Candace set you up on a blind date after swearing you

wouldn’t do it ever again?”

“Oh no.” Bren laughed. “Candace’s blind dates were always

disasters. We’re not interested in the same kind of women.”

“So who set it up?”

“She did. The woman I’m meeting. Maybe.”

“So…you know her.”

“No. We’ve never met,” Bren said.

“You know this is very confusing, right?”

“I know.”

“I’ve thought for a long time there was something you weren’t

telling us.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Liz patted Bren’s thigh. “Don’t apologize. It’s your birthday. Have

a good time and explain it all to us later.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you, you know,” Bren said.

• 148 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“That’s a ditto.”

“Here we go,” Bren said, as a statuesque blonde sauntered onto

the stage in six inch heels, a black satin G-string, and a black leather

jacket that stopped just above the perfect round globes of her full, tight

ass. She strutted to one of the poles as the rhythm picked up, grabbed

it with both hands, and pressed her crotch against it. Then she did a

perfect split as she swung slowly around in a circle, the steel shaft

jutting upward between her widely spread thighs.

Candace slid in beside them and passed glasses around the table.

“How does she do that?”

“Flexibility,” Bren murmured, studying the woman as her generous

breasts threatened to spill out of the partially unzipped jacket. The

blonde was attractive, and she had a great body, but Bren felt nothing

other than a vague curiosity.

After a few more impressively acrobatic and undeniably sensuous

moves that looked as if she was masturbating on the pole, the blonde

slinked to the near edge of the stage and went down on her knees with

her thighs splayed. She stretched her torso back and let the jacket fall

from her arms, leaving her breasts exposed and jutting upward into the

harsh lights. Her skin shimmered with sweat and the narrow G-string

did little to obscure her glistening sex.

Candace gave a low murmur of approval and Liz bumped her

shoulder.

“You are such a pervert.”

“I am not,” Candace whispered. “I just have a healthy sense of

appreciation for the female form.”

“Uh-huh.”

Shadowy fi gures from the audience approached the stage, tucking

folded bills under the dancer’s G-string or dropping them onto her tight

stomach as she undulated to the pounding beat, her pelvis thrusting

with the unmistakable rhythm of sex. As the tempo pulsed faster and

the air grew heavy with heat and collective arousal, the blonde fondled

her breasts and stroked her fi ngers between her thighs until, real or

imagined, she and the music climaxed together. Then the room went

dark and silence fell like a thunderclap.

“Well,” Candace said a little breathlessly. “That was nice.”

Liz wrapped her arm around Bren’s shoulders and playfully

nuzzled her ear. “Enjoying your birthday so far?”

• 149 •

RADCLY fFE

Bren laughed. “Who wouldn’t?”

“You’ve got a point.”

Bren scanned the room as the lights came up high enough to

prevent patrons who were making a mad dash to the bar between acts

from stumbling. A few disappeared down a hallway she hadn’t been

able to see earlier. The bartender, a bald African-American man the size

of a Volkswagen moved with the grace of a running back in his tight

runway, mixing drinks and passing bottles of beer at lightning speed.

When the blonde who had just performed emerged from the hallway in

a miniscule bikini and walked to the end of the bar, he handed her what

looked like a glass of champagne and nodded toward a lone man seated

at a nearby table. The blonde took the drink and joined the customer.

Bren watched for a second as the blonde straddled the man’s lap,

then looked away as the blonde began a slow grind. A petite brunette

and a painfully thin blonde with enormously enhanced breasts, both

in various stages of nudity, appeared from somewhere backstage and

worked their way between the tables. When the brunette slithered onto

the lap of an attractive woman with shoulder length brown hair and

rubbed her breasts across the woman’s face, Bren decided she’d had

enough of the fl oor show. Turning in the opposite direction, she stared,

not certain at fi rst she wasn’t imagining the two women wending their

way between the tables toward them. Then she heard Liz’s swift intake

of breath beside her, and she knew she was right.

“Hey! Parker! Reilly, over here,” Bren called.

O

Liz hadn’t seen Reilly in fi ve days, and she couldn’t take her eyes

off her. Her tight white T-shirt stretched over her strong shoulders and

arms and clung to the swell of her breasts. Her jeans were just tight

enough to show off her athletic legs. Her hair was shaggy around the

edges. She looked a little disheveled, a little unpolished, and a lot sexy.

Liz liked the look. What she didn’t like was the fact that Reilly had her

arm looped around Parker’s waist. Parker leaned against her as they

walked, and they looked good together. Liz hadn’t noticed before just

how fl uidly attractive Parker was. Next to Candace’s cover girl beauty,

Parker seemed androgynously handsome, but when snuggled against

Reilly, she projected a softer sensuality. It would have been exciting to

• 150 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

think about that sexual fl exibility if she hadn’t been with Reilly at the

moment.

“Well that didn’t take her long,” Candace muttered.

“Who?” Liz replied.

“Both of them,” Candace snapped.

Liz didn’t answer because Parker and Reilly grabbed chairs from

a nearby table and dragged them over.

“Mind if we crash the party?” Parker said with a big grin.

“Looks like you already did,” Candace grumbled.

“Great! Drinks everyone?” Parker asked, apparently oblivious to

Candace’s snarl.

“None for me,” Reilly said, watching Liz.

“I’m good,” Liz replied.

Candace and Bren gave Parker their orders and she sauntered off.

After a second, Bren jumped up. “I’ll give her a hand.”

“I’m going to the restroom,” Candace said to no one in particular

as she bolted after them.

Reilly indicated the empty chair next to Liz. “Okay if I sit

down?”

“Of course.”

“I hope it’s okay we showed up. Parker said—”

“It’s fi ne.”

“So. How are you?”

“Good,” Liz replied, thinking fat and terminally horny and really

glad to see you and wishing I wasn’t.

“That’s good.” Reilly rubbed her hands on her thighs and looked

around the room. “Is it just me, or is this place particularly sleazy?”

Liz laughed and felt herself relax a little. “Extraordinarily

sleazy.”

“Bren having fun?”

“We all are.”

Candace dropped into the chair on the opposite side of Liz and

casually draped her arm around Liz’s shoulders. “So where did you fi nd

Parker, Reilly?”

“We met at the hospital and had dinner,” Reilly replied, her gaze

fl ickering to Candace’s hand cupping Liz’s upper arm.

Candace smiled frostily. “That’s nice.”

Liz shifted just enough to cause Candace to move her arm to the

• 151 •

RADCLY fFE

back of the chair, but then her thigh snugged up against Reilly’s. Reilly

didn’t move away, and neither did she.

O

“So Bren,” Parker said expansively, “this is some place you picked

for a party, honey.”

“Isn’t it?” Bren softly touched Parker’s cheek on the uninjured

side. “How are you feeling? You look like you might’ve started the

party a little bit early.”

“Feeling great. I only had a few beers.” Parker frowned. “Except

I did have that pain pill right before dinner.”

“You be careful with the drinks from now on, okay?”

“Yes ma’am. Anything you say, ma’am.”

“And Reilly’s driving, right?”

“Yeah that Reilly, she’s terrifi c.”

Bren nodded. “Can you make it back to the table with the

drinks?”

“Oh yeah, sure sure. I’m fi ne. Feeling great. Hey, where did

Candace go?”

“I think she’s back at the table now.”

At least Bren hoped so. She hadn’t missed the fact that Candace

wasn’t too pleased to see Parker show up with Reilly, and Candace had

gotten quite a few looks as she’d sashayed to the bathroom. At least two

men and one woman had said something to make her laugh in passing.

Candace on the prowl was always unpredictable.

“She’s really gorgeous, isn’t she?” Parker said.

“Yes, she is.”

Parker leaned over and kissed Bren gently. “But ya know, so are

you.”

Laughing, Bren pressed her palms to Parker’s chest and held her

at arm’s length. “And you, my friend, are a sweet talker. Go sit down

now.”

“Oh, right. Right. That’s where I’m going.”

“I’ll be right there.”

The lights suddenly dimmed again, and for a few seconds, Bren

couldn’t see anything. Then the music started and the spotlights lit

up center stage. This time, the dancer was a tall, curvaceous redhead

• 152 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

wearing white cowboy boots with tassels, a brown suede vest, a twogun and holster set, and a white thong so narrow that from where Bren

was standing it looked as if her sex was bare. She twirled her guns and

bent over with her very shapely ass to the crowd. Then she dropped her

head low enough to smile between her spread legs at the anonymous

faces. Her red hair streaked down toward the fl oor like fl ames. Licking

her lips, she dragged one of the gun barrels up her thigh and rubbed

it back and forth over her labia. The light glinted off the barrel as if it

were wet.

For just an instant as the woman smiled up at her, Bren had an

image of sliding that gleaming rod ever so slowly inside the redhead.

The sudden tingling between her legs was both exciting and disturbing.

She turned her back on the dancer and found the bartender a few feet

away, regarding her contemplatively. She glanced the length of the bar

and realized she was the only one not watching the show.

“Get you something?” he said in a deep rumble.

“I was wondering if you might have a message for me.”

He regarded her impassively.

“A note…” Bren almost didn’t fi nish the sentence, because the

absurdity of the whole situation was almost more than she could

discount. But he seemed to be waiting, so she went on, “for Melanie.”

“Would you be Melanie?”

Bren didn’t even hesitate, because it felt completely natural to say,

“Yes. I am.”

Wordlessly, he turned his back and walked away.

The disappointment was greater than she had anticipated.

Rationally, of course, she knew any other outcome was impossible. For

a stranger to recognize just from reading her books the needs she had

successfully hidden from everyone, even herself, was highly unlikely.

And for someone to actually fi nd her and lead her here? Impossible. She

peered into the dark recesses of the room, hoping to discover someone

watching her, waiting for her. But no one was. She was alone with her

fantasies just as she always was.

Shaking off the familiar melancholy, she started back to her seat.

“Don’t forget this,” the bartender said.

Slowly, she turned around. He held out a small envelope, the kind

usually attached to fl oral deliveries. Bren tried to see something in his

face, but it was smooth as stone and just as unreadable. She took the

• 153 •

RADCLY fFE

envelope and sat down on the bar stool, swiveling so her back was to

the bar and the bartender.

On the stage, the redhead had taken off her vest and was snapping

the hammers of her revolvers on her nipples. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Bren examined the sealed envelope. There was nothing written

on it. Sliding a fi ngernail underneath the fl ap, she carefully opened it,

trying hard not to tear the fl ap or the paper. The small card held a single

embossed black rose in one corner and words written in bold, black

script. She couldn’t tell in the murky light, but it looked as if it had been

written with a real pen. A fountain pen.

I want to dance for you. Jae.

Bren felt her sex pulse like a fi st clenching, then springing open,

and just as quickly, she was wet and fully aroused. She slipped the

card back into the envelope and surveyed the room again. No one was

paying any attention to her.

Who had written the note? Was it the redhead up on stage now?

The blonde who’d masturbated on the pole? Or perhaps the brunette

who had teased the female customer with her breasts. Bren tried to

imagine one of them as her secret stranger, and she couldn’t. But then,

she’d never seen a woman who came close to fulfi lling her fantasy,

which is why she’d started writing to begin with. She had acquired not

only success, she’d found the satisfaction she couldn’t fi nd anywhere

else.

Why risk a perfect dream with imperfect reality?

“Is there any message?” the bartender asked from behind her.

Bren realized the music was climbing to a crescendo and the act

would be over soon. Then the lights would come up and she would

need to rejoin her friends. The friends she loved, and who loved her.

Safety. Anonymity.

She spun around on the stool. “Tell her yes.”

• 154 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

There’s Bren,” Liz said to Candace as the lights came up,

pointing across the room.

“Well, at least one of us looks like she’s having a good time,”

Candace muttered.

Liz, sandwiched between Candace on one side and Reilly on the

other, watched Candace drum her fi ngers on the one small patch of

table that wasn’t covered with glasses and beer bottles. Candace had

been agitated ever since Parker sat down next to Reilly, on the end of

the semicircle of chairs farthest from Candace. Liz hadn’t had much

time to decipher Candace’s reaction because during the entire previous

act, all she’d been able to think about was Reilly’s thigh pressed along

the length of hers. She didn’t fi nd the stripper onstage attractive, but she

had to admit that sitting in the dark watching a woman fondle herself was

unexpectedly exciting. It was far more distracting, however, to know

that Reilly was watching the same thing. Liz couldn’t help but wonder

if the striptease excited Reilly. Then, as soon as she thought it, she tried

to discount the possibility. As ridiculous as it was, she didn’t want to

think about Reilly being aroused by anyone. Though she supposed she

should be more concerned about Parker, who had her head on Reilly’s

shoulder at the moment, than about an anonymous stripper.

“Where did you disappear to?” Candace snapped, interrupting

Liz’s internal debate, when Bren dropped into the remaining empty

chair.

“I got caught at the bar when the lights went down. Some act,”

Bren said.

“She had some nice moves.”

“I guess you told Parker we’d be here, huh?” Bren said.

“I might have mentioned it. I didn’t invite her.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. I really like her.”

“She’s a sweetheart,” Candace muttered.

• 155 •

RADCLY fFE

Before Bren had a chance to reply, Parker leaned across Reilly’s

lap and said loudly, “Hey Liz, can we switch seats? I’ve been talking to

Reilly all night. I want to talk to Candace.”

“Sure,” Liz said, standing. As she squeezed between the table and

Reilly, Reilly put both hands on Liz’s hips to guide her. Her touch was

gentle, and Liz found the simple contact both reassuring and exciting.

Reilly had a way of noticing her—where she was, what she was doing,

what she needed—that made her feel cared for, and special.

Parker jumped up unsteadily and tried to pass Liz before Liz had

cleared the table.

“Wait a minute,” Liz protested, laughing, “there’s not room enough

for both of us in this space.”

“Oops, sorry.” Parker’s shoulder struck Liz’s chest, throwing Liz

off-balance.

“Oh,” Liz exclaimed as she felt herself falling.

Reilly caught Liz around the waist and pulled her down into her

lap, holding her fi rmly against her chest. “Okay?”

Automatically, Liz wrapped her arms around Reilly’s neck. With

her mouth against Reilly’s cheek, she murmured, “Fine.”

Reilly tilted her head back, squinting in the dim light to study

Liz’s face. “You sure?”

Their mouths were an inch apart and Liz wanted to kiss her.

Instead, she danced her fi ngers through the shaggy hair at the back of

Reilly’s neck. “You need a haircut.”

“Do I?” Reilly’s voice was husky as she ran her hands up and

down Liz’s back, her fi ngers tracing the muscles on either side of her

spine.

“Where’d my seat go?” Parker said, searching behind her with

one hand.

“Hold on,” Reilly whispered to Liz.

“What?” Liz asked.

Reilly slipped one arm under Liz’s hips, tightened her hold around

her middle, and shifted to the far outside seat. Settling Liz securely

back down in her lap, she said, “Go ahead, Parker. The coast is clear.”

Parker sat heavily, taking up most of the two seats Reilly and Liz

had just vacated. Liz had nowhere to go, and she really didn’t want

to move, not when sitting crosswise in Reilly’s lap with Reilly’s arms

around her waist felt so damn good. Nothing about Reilly’s embrace

• 156 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

suggested anything other than a friendly closeness, but her body was

hard and hot, except where the soft swell of her breasts fi t against

Liz’s. She felt so good, so right, Liz had to struggle not to burrow her

hips tighter into Reilly’s lap and bury her face in the inviting curve

of Reilly’s neck. Her physical response to Reilly always took her by

surprise, because she wasn’t used to being so easily aroused. Maybe her

susceptibility was partly hormones, but she didn’t care. She liked the

feeling, and as long as she remembered nothing was going to come of

it, she might as well enjoy the guilty pleasure.

“I guess I’m here for a while,” Liz said.

“That’s okay.”

“Am I blocking your view?” Liz asked.

Reilly laughed. “No, but even if you were, it wouldn’t matter. I’ll

take you in my lap over one of them any day.”

A rush of heat made every inch of Liz’s skin tingle. “I wasn’t

planning to lap dance.”

“Too bad. I bet you’d be good at it.”

“Maybe one of these days I’ll give it a try,” Liz said, enjoying the

little fl irtation.

“Just say the word.”

The lights dimmed, and Liz relaxed in Reilly’s arms, anticipating

the next act. It was nice not to think about anything for a few minutes,

but just to enjoy what was happening. Being around Reilly always

made her feel lighthearted. She recognized the feeling as happiness,

and recognized, too, how unusual it was.

O

Parker swayed toward Candace and muttered, “Miss me?”

“Not in the least.” Candace got up and pushed past Bren. “Excuse

me.”

“Where’s she going?” Parker asked.

Bren reached across the empty chair and patted Parker’s thigh.

“Probably to the bathroom.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll wait.”

Bren half smiled, wishing she could orchestrate her friends’ lives

as easily as she did the characters in her books. But she should probably

start with her own life fi rst, and so far, she hadn’t done so well with that.

• 157 •

RADCLY fFE

She slipped her hand into the front pocket of her leather pants and felt

the small stiff card. I want to dance for you.

As the room dropped into darkness, Bren wondered if the message

was metaphorical or real, or if there was any difference at all.

Settling back, she watched the now familiar sharp cone of light

focus on the far right-hand corner of the stage. Jae might not even be

here. Just because the note was here and the email message had said she

would be here, didn’t mean it was true. In fact, Bren was more than half

certain the entire thing was an elaborate hoax. A woman strode into the

light and Bren sat up straight. She’d been wrong again. Jae was here.

“Looks like she wandered into the wrong joint,” Parker said in

what Bren supposed was intended to be a whisper. She couldn’t answer

because she was trying to take in every single detail, and she didn’t

know where to look fi rst.

Her gaze danced from the thick mane of black hair to the deep set

dark eyes to the square jaw softened by a wide sensuous mouth. Bren

registered beauty, pride, sensuousness in the instant before she became

captivated by the sight of bare breasts crisscrossed with leather straps.

The inch-wide leather bands met in the center of a long fl at abdomen

where they attached to a wide silver ring. A matching pair of straps shot

out from the lower portion of the ring and disappeared into skintight

leather pants. Another band circled her waist. Her small, high breasts

were distinctly different than the augmented ones of most of the other

dancers, round and fi rm with small dark nipples. An elaborate tribal

tattoo scrolled from her muscular right deltoid down her upper arm,

wrapped around her biceps, and ended on the inside of her forearm just

above her wrist. The leather pants covered the tops of black boots.

She was the woman in Bren’s books. She was the woman from

the softball fi eld. She was the woman in Bren’s every fantasy. She was

Jae.

Jae looked out over the audience, her expression almost arrogant,

before her gaze settled on Bren and she lowered her thick-lashed lids

once in slow acknowledgment. Then she turned and strode to the center

pole, the light following her. When she reached it, she faced the audience,

stretched her arms above her head and grasped the pole behind her,

thrusting her pelvis toward the onlookers. The music pounded steadily,

echoing the roar of Bren’s heart thudding inside her head.

From out of the inky darkness behind Jae, a woman’s arms encircled

• 158 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Jae’s torso and long fi ngered hands with blood red nails resembling

talons cupped her breasts. A fi gure pressed against Jae from behind, the

pole between them, the light from the spot angled sharply so that all

Bren could see were glimpses of pale naked limbs. Bren watched Jae’s

face as the disembodied hands twisted her nipples and tormented her

breasts before slithering lower over her chest and abdomen, stroking,

clawing, threatening to slash her skin open with their razor-sharp tips.

Pleasure and pain fused into need as Jae’s skin broke out into a shining

sweat and her hips writhed.

“Jesus,” Parker muttered from beside her. “That is so fucking

hot.”

The words fl oated past Bren as if uttered in another dimension.

Nothing penetrated her awareness except Jae. The woman behind Jae

gripped the waistband of Jae’s pants in both hands and wrenched the

leather sharply back and forth. The tearing sound ripped through Bren

and made her jerk in her seat. The leather came away in the invisible

woman’s hands, and she threw it aside. The black leather straps stretched

down from the silver ring in the center of Jae’s abdomen to circle the

insides of her thighs. Her shaved sex was framed by the leather, and

nothing else.

Naked except for the leather straps slashing across her body, Jae

kept a grip on the pole above her head. Her thighs trembled as one

blood-tipped fi nger circled in the top of the cleft between her legs. Her

back arched, her hips thrust, and she swallowed convulsively. Bren

wondered at the control it took for her to keep her hands on the pole, to

hold herself up, to offer her body to be used.

“I think she’s gonna come right there,” Parker exclaimed, sliding

closer to Bren.

“No she’s not,” Bren said, watching Jae’s lids fl icker and her lips

part on a moan that was lost in the pounding beat. The arousal was real,

she could see it in the way Jae’s body jerked as the hand stroked harder

and faster between her legs. “She’ll save her pleasure for someone who

deserves it.”

The music climbed wildly, Jae’s pelvis thrust under the invading

hand, and when the crescendo peaked, she fi nally released her grip

on the pole and collapsed to her knees, her chest heaving. The room

plunged into darkness and utter silence fell. In the blackness, Bren

heard Jae sob for breath, and then there was nothing.

• 159 •

RADCLY fFE

“I’m gonna go fi nd Candace,” Parker announced, pushing herself

unsteadily to her feet.

“She’ll be back in a minute when the lights come up,” Bren said,

reaching for Parker’s arm. Her mind was still fi lled with images of

Jae, but she had enough awareness not to let Parker wander around by

herself. Plus, she had a feeling that Candace had gone off alone for a

reason. When Candace was upset, her remedy was always the same.

Find a woman to take her mind off her troubles.

The lights came up and Parker blinked, searching the room

uncertainly. Then her expression darkened and Bren followed her gaze.

Candace was at the bar in a clinch with a woman who had one hand

on Candace’s breast and the other on her ass. Apparently they were too

far into their deep-throat kiss to notice that the act was over and they

were visible to whoever cared to look. Or, typically for Candace, she

just didn’t care.

“Son of a bitch,” Parker growled.

She tried to climb over Bren and almost fell. Bren jumped up

and grabbed her. Parker was taller and heavier than Bren, and rapidly

becoming dead weight.

“Reilly,” Bren called. “Can you give me a hand here?”

“Go ahead,” Liz said, sliding off Reilly’s lap. “Why don’t you

walk her around a little bit. Maybe get her some air.”

“I better. Sorry,” Reilly said as she rose.

“No, that’s okay. She needs you right now.”

Liz moved across the empty seats and joined Bren as Reilly put

her arm around Parker and led her away. “What happened?”

Bren pointed to Candace.

“Oh, what is she doing,” Liz exclaimed.

“She’s upset.”

“Good, now so am I,” Liz said angrily. “When is she going to

grow up?”

“Well, not toni—” Bren stared at the woman coming toward her.

Jae now wore a black leather vest, low cut black leather briefs, and

calf-high black boots.

“Oh my,” Liz said. “Isn’t that—”

“Yes,” Bren said quietly, shifting on her chair until her legs

stretched into the narrow aisle between their table and the next.

• 160 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Jae stopped next to Bren, leaned down, and whispered, “You

wanted a dance.”

“No,” Bren corrected, “you wanted to dance for me.”

“May I?”

“Yes.”

Jae nodded toward the bar, and the lights went down and the music

came up. Then she straddled Bren’s lap, fl exing her thighs and holding

herself just a little bit above Bren so that her ass barely brushed Bren’s

legs. “You’re not supposed to touch me, but you can.”

“I’m not going to touch you,” Bren said, aware that Liz had

shifted away, leaving them alone. The room was dim enough to give

them privacy but not so dark that she couldn’t see Jae’s face, and her

body. “Not tonight, and not here.”

“When?”

Bren wondered how long Jae could support herself without

touching Bren for balance. With the same iron control Jae had shown

on stage, she slowly circled her hips over Bren’s lap.

“Open your vest,” Bren ordered.

Without a second’s hesitation, Jae fl icked open the single button

and the leather parted, revealing her breasts just inches from Bren’s

face. Her nipples were hard. Jae rolled her hips, her crotch a whisper

away from Bren’s stomach.

“Show me how you like your nipples touched,” Bren said. Her

own nipples tightened as she watched Jae grasp her nipples, stretch

them out, and twist rapidly.

Jae grunted softly and her thigh muscles quivered. She murmured,

“I want to rub myself against you. I need to feel you.”

“Yes.”

Immediately, Jae leaned forward, gripping Bren’s shoulder with

one hand. Her breasts brushed Bren’s face, and the leather between

her legs, supple and soft from the heat beneath, caressed Bren’s bare

stomach.

“Did you come when you went backstage?” Bren breathed the

words against Jae’s throat as Jae undulated against her body.

“No,” Jae gasped.

“I’m not here to fi nish what someone else started.” Bren wanted

to draw Jae’s nipple into her mouth and torture it with her teeth until

• 161 •

RADCLY fFE

Jae cried out. She ached to press her fi ngers into the vee between Jae’s

thighs and work the smooth leather over her hard clit.

“I won’t come without your permission,” Jae groaned.

“You are not to come now.”

“God, I ne—”

“When you go home tonight,” Bren instructed, her lips caressing

the hollow at the base of Jae’s throat, “I want you to make yourself

come. I want you to imagine you’re licking me while you do.”

Jae shuddered. “I’m close now.”

“I don’t care.” Bren struggled not to grab Jae’s hips and thrust

into her, knowing if she did they would both probably come. And this

wasn’t the time or the place or the way she wanted it to happen. “How

did you fi nd me?”

“I didn’t.” Jae’s voice was steel wire stretched to the breaking

point. “You found me.”

Bren couldn’t help herself. She bit the thick muscle at the base of

Jae’s neck, once, sharply. “Behave.”

“Oh God,” Jae arched her back, pushing herself into Bren’s body.

“Please.”

“Answer the question,” Bren murmured, licking the spot she’d

just bitten.

“I didn’t…know if you would…come.”

Sweat dripped from Jae’s thighs and slicked the surface of Bren’s

leather pants.

“But I waited…every night.”

The music was coming to an end, and Bren knew their time was

almost up. She fi nally did what she’d been aching to do for so long

she couldn’t remember the fi rst time she’d imagined holding her in her

arms. She skimmed both hands up Jae’s back, savoring her hot skin,

and pulled her close. Jae dropped her head onto Bren’s shoulder.

“Tell me your name,” Bren whispered against Jae’s ear.

“When I dance,” the woman gasped, “I’m Jae.”

Bren kissed the soft skin just below her earlobe. “The next time

we meet, I’ll tell you mine.”

When the lights came up, Jae slipped away.

O

• 162 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Who was that?” Liz asked. “I was trying not to be a voyeur, but

it was kind of hard not to watch.”

“One of the dancers.”

“I got that part. But how did you end up with the lap dance?”

“She offered, I said yes.”

Liz laughed. “You don’t think you can get away with that, do you?”

“Not for a second.” Bren looked around. “Candace is missing.”

“Reilly and Parker didn’t come back, either.” Liz tried to keep her

disappointment from showing. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes. What do you think we should do about Candace?”

Liz sighed. “I guess we should stay and wait for her.”

“Here comes Reilly,” Bren said.

Liz turned quickly. “Hi. I thought you’d gone.”

“Parker’s asleep in my car. I think I should take her home.” Reilly

regarded Liz intently. “I just wanted to say good night.”

“Good night,” Liz said softly.

“Hey,” Bren said, jumping up. “Reilly, maybe you could give Liz

a ride home. I’ll stay here and wait for Candace.” She checked with Liz.

“If you don’t mind me driving your car.”

“No way am I leaving you here alone,” Liz said.

“I’ll be fi ne.”

“No,” Reilly and Liz said simultaneously.

“Here she comes now,” Reilly said. She hesitated, then said to Liz,

“Looks like everyone is accounted for.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll see you then. Take care.”

“Thanks,” Liz said. “I will. You too.”

“Right,” Reilly said, backing up a step. “Good night.”

“’Night.” Liz frowned as Candace sauntered over to them. “Are

you okay?”

“Fine. I ran into an old friend. We’re going out for breakfast.”

“It’s two in the morning,” Liz pointed out.

“So we’ll have breakfast…later,” Candace said smugly.

“Fine.” Liz grabbed Bren’s hand. “Come on, birthday girl. Let’s

go.”

“Oh, hey, Bren,” Candace said. “Did you have an okay time?”

Bren smiled. “It was just exactly what I wanted.”

• 163 •

• 164 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Reilly woke up a little after seven and went for a run, leaving

Parker still asleep on the couch. She doubted Parker would

wake up for another couple of hours, but she left a note with Parker’s

clothes telling her there was a pot of fresh coffee in the kitchen just

in case. On her return circuit, she stopped for bagels and immediately

thought of the morning she and Liz had shared an impromptu

breakfast. That was the day she had come upon Liz in the hospital

ladies’ room being violently ill. From the fl u, she recalled wryly. She

couldn’t remember if Annie had ever had morning sickness, but she

probably wouldn’t have recognized it in her either. Annie was so

frequently ill with her diabetes, she probably would have blamed any

sickness on that.

Liz looked good last night. They hadn’t been able to talk much,

what with everyone around and the noise level pretty much making

conversation impossible, but she imagined Liz was almost over the

worst of her morning sickness. She must be twelve or thirteen weeks

now, even though she still didn’t look very pregnant. She didn’t feel

very pregnant either. Liz’s waistline had been soft and supple when

Reilly had held her on her lap. Liz’s whole body had felt soft and warm

and tempting.

Reilly couldn’t remember Liz ever being more relaxed, and she’d

fi t just about perfectly on Reilly’s lap. In fact, holding Liz had felt more

natural than anything she had done in years, except operate, and that

was so much a part of her she never even thought about it. Maybe

that’s the way it was supposed to be with a woman too, something that

came so naturally, that felt so much a part of you, it was almost like

breathing.

Eight o’clock. Still pretty early. Liz did say she got up early,

though, and her condo was only a few short blocks away. On impulse,

Reilly bought an extra half dozen bagels.

• 165 •

RADCLY fFE

Ten minutes later, she walked into the foyer of Liz’s apartment

building, telling herself that if Liz didn’t answer after one short ring,

she’d give it up. She hit Liz’s buzzer for a few seconds, expecting no

answer. When the speaker crackled to life, she jumped.

“Yes?”

“It’s Reilly. I’ve got bagels, but if you’re—”

The speaker went dead, the door lock clicked open, and Reilly

pushed through. The elevator was empty and within a minute she was

standing in front of Liz’s door. She pressed the bell, her pulse hammering

expectantly. She had to restrain herself from grinning too foolishly, but

when the door swung open, her smile faded.

“Hi,” a statuesque brunette said, her brows lifted in question.

“I didn’t order any bagels, but I’ll be happy to take them off your

hands.”

Reilly surveyed the stranger, assuming from the wet hair and the

short, black silk robe, underneath which she was obviously naked, that

she’d just gotten out of the shower. Reilly pointedly did not linger on

the full breasts and hint of cleavage exposed where the robe parted in

the center of her chest. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“I’m Julia,” the woman said. She folded her arms beneath her

breasts and cocked one hip. “I guess you’re not the delivery boy.”

“Not exactly.” Reilly held out one of the bags of bagels. “These

are for Liz, but you’re welcome to share.”

Julia smiled slowly and took the offered bag. “I’m not really big

on sharing.”

“No, I wouldn’t be either. Tell Liz I said hi.”

“Oh, I will.”

Reilly pivoted and headed back to the elevator. She didn’t hear the

door close right away and sensed Julia watching her. Julia. Reilly might

have guessed she was Liz’s lover even without hearing her name. Like

Candace, Julia was voluptuous and seductive. Reilly glanced down at

her T-shirt, cut off sweatpants, and running shoes. Defi nitely not in the

same category as the woman who had just answered Liz’s door. Liz’s

ex-lover. Or maybe Liz’s lover still.

O

“Bren,” Liz called from Bren’s kitchen. “Someone’s at the door.”

• 166 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

When Bren didn’t answer, Liz put the coffee pot aside and headed

for the living room. She could hear the shower running in Bren’s

second-fl oor bathroom, so she answered the door herself.

“Hi,” Candace said, breezing in with her arms fi lled with packages.

“I fi gured you’d be here. I brought breakfast. I hope you two didn’t eat

yet.”

“We’re just getting going,” Liz said, taking a bag from Candace

and heading back to the kitchen. She’d spent the night at Bren’s since it

was so late when she dropped her off, and because she didn’t feel like

going home to a cold and silent condo. Bren had provided her with a

T-shirt and a pair of blue cotton checked boxers to sleep in, which she

was still wearing. She’d spent the night on a futon in the room that had

once been her old bedroom, and the familiarity had been comforting.

She’d been tired, but keyed up, too. The arousal laden atmosphere

of the club had stirred her up, and sitting on Reilly’s lap for half an

hour had pretty much stoked her libido to the boiling point. Funny, she

hadn’t the slightest inclination to take the edge off her desire herself.

Consequently, she’d awakened in a black mood that the heavy thudding

sensation in the pit of her stomach did nothing to alleviate.

“Coffee should be done,” Liz said, knowing she sounded churlish

and not caring. She doubted that Candace had awakened feeling

undesirable and unsatisfi ed.

“Good. I could use some.” Candace perched on one of the tall

stools at the cook island opposite where Liz was setting out cups. “Do

you believe that place last night? God, it was a turn on.”

“The women weren’t exactly my style.”

“Not even the last one?”

Liz would have said no the day before, not ever having considered

the leather scene or power play her kind of thing. However, watching a

strong, powerful woman literally brought to her knees with desire had

been arousing. “That was sexy.”

“Yeah. I’ll say.” Candace rummaged around in one of the bags and

pulled out a raspberry croissant. “Bren had fun, don’t you think? Did

she say she had fun?”

“I think she did,” Liz said, plunging the French press coffee

maker. If Bren wanted Candace to know about the lap dance, she’d

tell her. Obviously, Candace had been too wrapped up in her evening’s

conquest to observe Bren’s decidedly unusual behavior.

• 167 •

RADCLY fFE

Candace broke off a piece of the croissant and nibbled it. “You and

Reilly got pretty cozy.”

Liz fl ushed. “I think we might be able to be friends. I’m glad about

that.”

“Looked like a little more than friendship to me,” Candace

commented, reaching for an empty coffee cup from the stand on the

end of the counter. She held it out to Liz. “The way you were cuddled

up in her lap.”

“I was sitting on her lap,” Liz said pointedly as she fi lled Candace’s

cup, “because Parker wanted to talk to you. Not that you cared.”

“Parker spent the evening having dinner and drinks with Reilly,”

Candace said lightly. “That makes her Reilly’s date, and in case you

didn’t notice, they looked very happy together when they arrived. I’m

surprised you weren’t more bothered.”

Liz restrained herself from slamming down the coffee pot on

Bren’s new hand-painted tile countertop. “First of all, what Reilly does

is not my business. Secondly, Parker was a little under the weather. And

she spent most of the night trying to get your attention.”

Candace turned sideways on the stool and crossed her legs with a

careless shrug. “I don’t play seconds to anyone.”

“You’re an ass.”

“What?” Candace exclaimed indignantly, spinning back to face Liz.

“Uh-oh,” Bren said as she walked in. “What have I missed so far?”

“Just Candace being a jerk.”

“Just Liz being obnoxious.”

Bren smiled and took the coffee mug Liz held out to her. “Oh,

good. Nothing new. Mmm, are those croissants?”

“Yes. There’s chocolate in there for you.” Candace glared at Liz.

“Do you mind explaining your remark?”

“It’s Saturday morning, isn’t it?” Liz said.

Candace frowned. “Yes.”

“And did you not rush off in the middle of lunch on Thursday—

that would be two days ago Thursday—to have sex with Parker?”

“Yes,” Candace said slowly, tearing off another piece of croissant.

“And your point would be?”

“Why would you think that Friday night when Parker showed

up at the club—the club where you invited her, I might add—that she

didn’t come to see you?”

• 168 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Bren sipped her coffee and savored her chocolate croissant

wordlessly.

“Because,” Candace replied, “Parker and I already discussed the

fact that we weren’t going to see each other again. And,” she went on

before Liz could interrupt, “if you’ll recall, when she arrived, she was

hanging all over Reilly.”

“Parker had a few drinks on top of a pain pill and was looped.” Liz

grabbed the bag of croissants. “Are there any cheese in here?”

“Of course,” Candace said haughtily.

“Besides that,” Liz went on, “Parker is probably a little confused

about your rules, considering you were rolling around with her just the

day before.”

“Parker gets it. And since when are you so concerned about my

dates?”

“Since I happen to like this one, Candace.” Liz set her croissant

down on a paper towel and leaned with her elbows on the counter. “And

I think you do too.”

Candace looked away.

“You look all fresh and relaxed this morning, Cand,” Bren said

into the silence. “How was the rest of your night?”

“Fine,” Candace said.

“Anybody we know?” Bren helped herself to more coffee.

“I don’t think so.”

“Did you get her name?” Liz asked.

“Sophie.” Candace sighed, propped her elbows on the counter,

and rested her chin in her hands. “And I didn’t sleep with her.”

“What? You didn’t leave with her? How did you get home?” Liz

exclaimed, her irritation warring with concern. “We would have waited

for you if you’d said you weren’t going home with her. That was crazy,

Candace.”

“I did go home with her. I just didn’t sleep with her once I got

there.”

Bren gave a murmur of surprise. “Is that a fi rst?”

Candace grinned. “I think so.”

“Why not?” Liz asked.

Candace shrugged. “She’d been drinking.”

“And?” Liz persisted, sensing there was more.

“And I wasn’t really all that horny.”

• 169 •

RADCLY fFE

“And?” Liz and Bren said together.

“And I just didn’t feel like it, okay?”

“Not okay,” Bren said a second before Liz agreed.

Candace slid off the stool and walked across the kitchen to the

open back door. She stood gazing out, the morning sunlight framing her

blond hair like a spun-gold halo. Liz thought her face in profi le looked

as pure and fl awless as a Madonna.

“It all seemed a little pointless,” Candace said quietly. “She might

have been able to make me come. I’m damn certain I could have made

her come.”

Liz smiled but said nothing.

“But when we were all done, the only thing we would have gotten

out of it would have been a few seconds of pleasure. And they’re gone

almost as soon as they happen.”

“Not always,” Liz said quietly.

Candace threw her a crooked smile. “I know.”

“Why was last night different?” Bren asked.

“I don’t know.”

Liz considered pointing out that this change in attitude might have

something to do with Parker, but Candace had probably ventured as

far as she could in that direction for the moment. Candace’s fear of

commitment, of any kind of relationship at all, was too deeply ingrained

to be overcome so simply. Liz opted for a subtler approach, even though

she really wanted to just shake her.

“Are you two up for another afternoon in the sun?” Liz said. “We

can go to the softball game tomorrow.”

“Is Reilly playing?” Candace said.

“I don’t know,” Liz replied, although she couldn’t deny she

secretly hoped so.

“I’m in,” Bren said.

“I suppose,” Candace added.

“And you,” Liz stabbed a fi nger in Bren’s direction, “don’t think

I’ve forgotten about your mystery date.”

“What mystery date?” Candace strode back to the island and

reclaimed her stool. “What mystery date?”

“It wasn’t exactly a date—”

“That’s not what you said last night,” Liz pointed out.

“How come I don’t know about this?” Candace stared from Liz to

• 170 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Bren, her expression vacillating between outrage and hurt. “How come

you two have a secret?”

Liz rolled her eyes.

“We don’t have a secret,” Bren said. “I have a secret. Sort of.”

Now both Liz and Candace regarded her with avid curiosity.

“Just a minute,” Bren said, and quickly left the room.

“What did I miss?” Candace asked immediately.

“Last night while you were…doing whatever you were doing at

the bar—”

“Okay, okay. I got that you didn’t approve of me getting a little

action.”

“If I disapproved of you getting a little action, we would have

stopped speaking years ago.”

“When are you going to forgive me for that?” Candace said

quietly.

Liz stopped short. “I have.”

“Are you sure?”

Liz hesitated. Hadn’t she?

O

“Okay,” Bren said, walking into the room with her hands behind

her back. On the ride home from the Blue Diamond, she had realized

she was going to have to explain more than just a date to her friends.

Even if she never saw Jae again, Liz had seen them together, and she’d

hinted earlier that she suspected Bren was hiding something. Her secret

life hadn’t seemed quite so important before, not when she could keep

her writing tucked away in a separate corner of her world. But last night,

something unexpected had happened. The boundaries had rippled, then

cracked, and one reality had bled into another. She held out a book to

each of them. “Here.”

Both Liz and Candace looked surprised as they took the offering.

“Oh my God,” Candace exclaimed. “It’s the newest Melanie

Richards. It’s not supposed to be out until next month. How did you

get this?”

“Mine’s signed to me,” Liz said as she fl ipped through the pages.

“Mine too!” Candace jumped down from her stool and threw her

arms around Bren. “Thank you. Thank you! Aren’t you supposed to be

• 171 •

RADCLY fFE

the one getting presents on your birthday? Did you go to a signing? Did

you meet her? What was she like? Is she hot?”

“I didn’t go to a signing,” Bren replied, thinking that her publicist

would be delighted if she fi nally decided to come out of the virtual

closet. She pushed that thought away, not quite ready to have her life

that integrated. “These are author’s copies.”

“Author’s copies.” Candace nodded knowingly. “That’s how you

got them early. Did you buy them on her website? I’ve never seen

anything about that on there.”

“Candace,” Liz said quietly, turning the book over and over in

her hands. “Author’s copies are what they give to the author before the

book comes out.”

“Well I know that. I just said—” Candace stopped abruptly and

frowned, her gaze dancing between Liz and Bren. “What are you trying

to say?”

“I’m Melanie Richards,” Bren said.

“No,” Liz and Candace said.

Bren nodded.

“That’s amazing,” Liz said, half laughing.

“I’m going to kill you,” Candace exploded. She dropped her book

on the counter and made a grab for Bren, who jumped backward with

both arms out in front of herself.

“No! No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Bren ran into the living room with

Candace close behind.

“Not half as sorry as you’re going to be when I catch you,”

Candace screamed, chasing Bren around the sofa. Bren jumped onto

the seat and then over the back to escape.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Candace ran around the end of the sofa

and tore after Bren.

“It just happened!” Bren raced into the kitchen and grabbed a

chair, holding it up in front of her. “No tickling.”

“I’m not going to tickle you. I’m going to strangle you,” Candace

growled, shifting from side to side and trying to reach around the

chair.

“Candace,” Liz called, “if you kill her, we won’t know what

happens to Jae.”

“I’ll make her tell me before I kill her,” Candace swore, but she

was starting to laugh.

• 172 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Please, please,” Bren gasped, tiring from evading Candace and

holding up the chair. “It won’t do any good to torture me. I don’t know

what’s going to happen to her!”

Candace stopped dead. “What do you mean you don’t know? Are

you the author or not?”

Bren put the chair down gratefully. “Yes. Yes, but I don’t write

that way. I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen until I write it.”

“Well then what good does it do having a best friend who’s Melanie

Richards?” Candace sagged onto her stool with a pout.

“None,” Bren said quickly. “So it really doesn’t matter that you

didn’t know.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Liz asked. “Didn’t you trust us?”

The room was suddenly completely quiet, and Bren struggled to

fi nd an answer that wouldn’t hurt the two people she loved the most in

the world.

“Even when we were all in school together, you both always

seemed so clear about who you were and what you wanted,” Bren said.

“I was never sure. I’m still not sure.”

Candace snorted. “You think I am?”

“Look at me,” Liz said ruefully.

“Well, I guess it seemed to me that I was the only one who didn’t

understand what I felt. Not until I started writing. By the time I realized

what a big part of my life my writing had become, I was just used to

keeping it a secret.”

“Years! You’ve been writing these books for years and you didn’t

tell us,” Candace screamed.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I love your books,” Liz said, wrapping her arms around Bren.

“And I love you. I’m sorry if I made you feel you couldn’t tell me

something.”

Bren blinked back tears. “No. It wasn’t you.” She looked at

Candace over Liz’s shoulder. “Or you either. It was me. It just took me

a long time to fi gure out that I was more me in my books than anywhere

else.”

“So,” Candace said contemplatively. “Are you telling us that

you’re Jae?”

Bren smiled, feeling the pieces of her world, of herself, slide

effortlessly together. “No, I’m Jae’s Mistress.”

• 173 •

• 174 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Did you fi nd the aspirin?” Reilly asked when she walked into

her apartment and saw Parker slumped in one corner of the

sofa, her face pasty except for the lingering bruises. Parker’s hair was

wet and she was wearing the T-shirt and shorts Reilly had left on the

coffee table for her, so she’d managed to fi nd the shower.

“Yeah, thanks,” Parker said, her voice raspy.

“Want to try something to eat?”

“Cyanide?”

Reilly laughed. “How about a toasted bagel and…I might have

milk.”

Parker groaned. “Coffee. I haven’t drunk milk since I was twelve.”

“I’ll put something together.”

“Need any help?”

“No,” Reilly said as she crossed the small, spartan living room to

her galley kitchen. “I don’t think you’re up for it just yet.”

“Thanks,” Parker called weakly.

The narrow kitchen was a little small for two to work in, and Reilly

didn’t want company at the moment, anyway. She was still trying to sort

out her feelings about running into Julia at Liz’s apartment. Julia seemed

so confi dent and so much at home, and her proprietary air toward Liz

rankled. Not that Reilly had any right to feel that way. And besides,

maybe having Julia there was just what Liz wanted. And needed.

Sighing, she sliced bagels and put them in the toaster oven. Then

she pushed the on button on the coffeemaker and pulled cups out of the

cabinet above the Formica counter.

“Something I did?” Parker said from behind her.

Reilly turned. “Come again?”

“You’re banging the cabinet doors hard enough to shake the

building.”

• 175 •

RADCLY fFE

“Oh.” Reilly ran her hands through her hair and let out a breath.

“Sorry. Probably doesn’t make your head feel too good.”

“Can’t make it any worse.” Parker pulled over a wooden stool

that Reilly kept tucked under the counter and sat down with her back

propped against the wall. “I don’t remember much of the ride home.

And I have no idea how you got me up here.”

Reilly grinned. “You walked.”

“Did I?” Parker looked impressed. “Did I, uh, manage any other

feats of physical prowess?”

“Other than grabbing my ass?”

Parker leaned her head back against the wall and groaned. “I was

afraid of that. Sorry.”

“No problem. I haven’t been groped in quite a while.”

“Please,” Parker pleaded. “Tell me I didn’t act like some frat boy

at a pledge party.”

“You were fi ne.” Taking pity on her, Reilly poured a cup of coffee

and handed it to her. “Here. You want cream?”

“This is good. I’ll apologize now for everything I did. Whatever

it was.”

“Nothing to worry about.” Reilly hoisted herself up on the counter

and sipped her coffee. “When you weren’t complaining about Candace,

you were trying to talk me into bed. But talk was pretty much as far as

it went.”

“Sorry.”

“You mean you were lying when you said you wanted to—”

“No,” Parker moaned, holding up a hand. “Don’t tell me.”

“All right. I’ll just cherish the thought forever.”

Parker laughed and then moaned again. “Oh, that hurts.”

“My fault,” Reilly said. “I should’ve kept an eye on how much

you had to drink.”

“Not your responsibility.”

“Maybe not, but that’s what friends do, right? And besides, I know

you’ve been taking pain pills all week. I’m not surprised the alcohol

packed a double punch.”

“Well, you got me home in one piece. And I appreciate it.”

“No problem.” Reilly jumped down when the timer on the toaster

oven went off and pulled the bagels out. She buttered both and passed

one over to Parker. “I know you don’t want this, but you need it.”

• 176 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Thanks.” Parker traded her coffee cup for the bagel, and Reilly

set the empty cup aside.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Parker said, “So if you

weren’t pissed off at me this morning, what had you so worked up?”

Reilly shook her head. “Just tilting at windmills.”

“Ah. Something to do with a woman.”

“How did you know?”

Parker shrugged, balancing her empty plate on her knee. “Are

there any other kind of windmills that matter?”

Reilly chuckled. “I guess not.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“No. Thanks.” Reilly didn’t want to reveal anything about

Liz’s personal situation, and what could she say? That she liked Liz,

a lot—more than liked her—but they couldn’t have met under more

complicated circumstances, for either of them. That she’d followed her

impulses and dropped in on Liz only to run into her lover. No, there was

nowhere good to take that conversation.

“You know, as nice as your ass might be,” Parker said, “I was kind

of hoping to wake up in Candace’s bed this morning.”

“Something going on there?” Reilly asked, glad for the change in

conversation. Talking with Parker kept her from imagining what Liz

and Julia might be doing.

“Not really,” Parker replied with studied casualness. “We’ve had a

couple of pleasant…encounters. But she’s a free agent.”

“I sort of got the sense that you liked an open fi eld, too.”

“Yeah, well. When you’re working eighty hours a week, it’s tough

to do much more than grab a few hours of fun wherever and whenever

you can get it. It’s simpler not to make too much out of it.”

Reilly nodded. She understood the working part, and how easy it

was to use that as an excuse not to reach out, not to connect to anyone.

She hadn’t meant to connect with Liz. It had happened so effortlessly

she hadn’t even noticed. She wasn’t even sure when it had happened.

She could see herself lying fl at on her back in the hospital lobby with

Liz leaning over her, amusement and concern in her warm green eyes,

and she remembered feeling pulled in and never wanting to leave.

“Did you ever fi nd yourself stopping,” Reilly mused, “in the

middle of a sentence, or maybe in the middle of a kiss, and realizing

that it wasn’t enough. The words, the kiss, whatever it was you were

• 177 •

RADCLY fFE

doing—it wasn’t enough to get you as close as you wanted to get?”

Parker stared at her. “I wish you hadn’t said that.”

“Why?”

“Because I know exactly what you mean, and it scares the hell out

of me.”

“Me too,” Reilly said.

O

“Oh no,” Candace said when Liz came down from the second

fl oor, having changed into the clothes she had worn the night before.

“You’re not going anywhere yet. I want the details about Bren’s mystery

woman.”

“I told you,” Bren said, “I don’t have any details. Nothing

happened.”

“That’s not what Liz said.”

“Me?” Liz exclaimed. “I didn’t say anything.” She shot Bren a sly

look. “Although I did get an eyeful.”

“See!” Candace put her hands on her hips. “There is something I

don’t know.” She pointed her fi nger at Bren. “You. Tell.”

“All right,” Bren said, examining Liz with concern. “Are you

okay? You’re a little pale.”

“I think last night is catching up to me,” Liz said ruefully. “I can’t

party like I used to.”

“Come on,” Candace said, taking Liz’s hand. “Let’s sit outside on

the deck. It’s shady out there. Bren, bring her something to drink.”

“I’m okay,” Liz protested, but she allowed Candace to lead her

outside. She hadn’t slept well the night before, and she did feel more

tired than usual, but she was beginning to accept that she wasn’t going

to feel like herself again for six months. She settled down into the

Adirondack deck chair and put her feet on the small wooden stool that

went with it. Bren handed her a glass of sparkling water. “Thanks.”

Candace perched on a stool next to Liz’s feet and put one hand

casually on Liz’s ankle. Then she fi xed Bren with a stern glare. “Tell.”

Bren leaned against the wood railing and studied her hands, trying

to think of how to explain to her friends what she hadn’t been able to

explain to herself. Sometimes, when she was wordless like this, she

• 178 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

found it hard to believe she was actually a professional writer. She

sighed. “She emailed me about my books.”

“So did thousands of other readers,” Candace pointed out. “I

know. I have your website bookmarked, you sneaky bitch. I read your

blogs. I can’t believe I didn’t know it was you.”

Bren tried not to grin.

“If you laugh, I’m pushing you over that railing,” Candace

threatened.

“Okay. Okay. I won’t laugh,” Bren said, laughing. “And I do get a

lot of email—you’re right.”

“But something about her was different,” Liz suggested.

“Yes. She recognized what I was doing with Jae—the direction I

was taking her character. She knew it almost before I did.”

“I could’ve told you that Jae was looking for a dominant lover,”

Candace said, smiling smugly. “Us take charge girls are kind of

popular.”

Bren regarded Candace with interest. “Is that how you see

yourself? A femme top?”

Candace ran her fi ngers absently up and down Liz’s lower leg, her

expression contemplative. “I never thought about it quite that way, but

I know I like to be in charge in bed—most of the time. So what do you

think? Do I qualify?”

“There aren’t any absolutes, you know,” Bren said. “No clearly

defi nable sexual types. All you have to do is look at a roomful of

lesbians to tell how different we all are. But there are some similarities,

some common desires, that distinguish us as well.”

Liz tilted her head back and watched the deep blue sky, fi lled with

white fl uffy clouds, revolve slowly overhead. The air was hot and still.

They had spent countless lazy afternoons, the three of them, just like

this—sitting around debating sexual politics or philosophy or a hundred

other things. It had never occurred to her that someday they might be

discussing their own lives in the same way. “You always were the deep

thinker.”

Bren chuckled. “God, there’s not much thinking that goes into

what attracts us to someone, and what satisfi es us in bed. Wherever

those urges come from, I think they’re far deeper than anything we can

tease out in a discussion.”

• 179 •

RADCLY fFE

“Let’s get back to the sex,” Candace said. “So Jae wants a woman

to control her. I already told you I knew that.”

“It’s more about how she wants to be controlled,” Bren said. “She

wants to be controlled in every way—physically, emotionally, sexually.

She wants to give up all of her control.”

Candace studied Bren for a long moment. “Is that in the next

book?”

“Yes,” Bren said.

“When?”

“As soon as I get the damn thing written,” Bren exclaimed,

exasperated and amused.

“Candace, honey,” Liz murmured, “you’re doing that avoidance

thing again.”

“What avoidance thing?” Candace asked archly.

“Where you talk about sex when you’re nervous about something

else.”

“I do not,” Candace stated adamantly.

“Yes you do,” Bren and Liz affi rmed.

Candace pursed her lips and fell silent.

“So Jae—what’s her real name, by the way,” Liz asked.

“I don’t know,” Bren replied. “She told me it’s Jae, and that’s how

I’ve been thinking of her.”

“Kinky,” Candace interjected.

Liz swatted Candace on the shoulder. “Shut up. Okay, so Jae

recognized where you’re going with your character and that made her

stand out in your mind. What else?”

Bren averted her gaze and immediately knew they would pick up

that now she was avoiding the answer. Before they could both call her

on it, she sighed and said, “She understood that I wanted to be the one

controlling her. Jae that is.”

“Oooo, Brenda Louise, you are so bad,” Candace sighed.

“And you thought we wouldn’t approve?” Liz asked. “That’s why

you didn’t tell us?”

“No!” Bren shook her head. “No. I didn’t quite get it myself until

I started writing it in my books. And then I realized what I wanted and

well, that’s it, really.”

“And…that’s what she wants to give you?” Liz asked, clearly

thinking out loud.

• 180 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Bren smiled. “Yes, that’s it exactly. That’s what she wants to give

me.”

“What are you going to do?” Liz asked.

“I don’t know,” Bren said, thinking how the true balance of power

was so different than the perception. “Whatever happens will be up to

her.”

O

Liz drove home thinking about Bren’s revelations. On one level

she was surprised, because Bren had always been the one to keep Liz

and Candace grounded, back in their crazy days. No matter what kind

of drama they found themselves in, Bren was always the voice of

reason. It wasn’t that Bren was boring, she was just so safe. She was

the one they counted on when the world shifted beneath their feet. But

on another level, Liz admitted she had always sensed that Bren was far

more complex than the placid surface she allowed the world to see. Liz

wondered how it could be that a stranger had read Bren’s books and

discerned something far more intimate about her than her best friends.

Perhaps it had something to do with artistic revelation and the inability

to hide one’s self in something as intimate as one’s art. She didn’t know.

The law was more often than not a place to hide one’s true feelings,

rather than to expose them.

And yet, she thought of Reilly, and how easy it had been to be open

with her. How she had been able to talk to her from the fi rst moment,

and had never felt the need to hide anything. In many ways, Reilly was

like Bren, providing a solid sense of safety and comfort. Liz shook her

head, because Reilly was not Bren. What she felt for Reilly she’d never

once felt for Bren. Reilly fl at out made her hot.

Liz pulled into the parking garage with a sense of melancholy.

She was happy for Bren and the door that seemed to be opening in her

life, even though she was a little worried that Bren might get hurt. Bren

probably worried about her that way, too. After all, that’s what friends

did. She could be happy for her and at the same time feel a little jealous

that while Bren was on the verge of an exciting new experience, she

was going forward alone during a time that she had thought would be

one of the happiest in her life.

“Oh, stop with the self-pity,” Liz muttered as she got off the

elevator on her fl oor. “After all, it’s not the fi rst time life turned out

• 181 •

RADCLY fFE

differently than you expected.” She placed a hand on her stomach

and looked down, feeling more than seeing the swelling in her lower

abdomen. “You hear that in there? You might not be showing up exactly

the way I planned, but we are going to make the best of it. More than

that, we’re going to have fun. We’re going to have a great life.”

Laughing inwardly and grateful that no one was around to hear

her, Liz fi t her key to the lock. When the door opened before she had

chance to turn the key, she jumped back with a small cry.

“Sorry,” Julia said, leaning her shoulder against the door as she

held it partly open. “I heard you talking and thought we might have

company.”

Shocked, Liz had the disorienting sensation that she had been

thrust back in time. Julia looked like she’d just gotten out of bed, and

in fact, she was still wearing a robe. Liz’s robe, she noticed, that was a

little too small and a little too short for Julia, revealing way too much

of her.

“Julia,” Liz said, trying desperately to gather her wits, “there is

no we.”

“Well, darling,” Julia smiled slowly, “that’s what I’m here to talk

about.”

• 182 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTY

Liz edged past Julia, still trying to adjust to the shock of seeing

her at all, let alone in her apartment. When Julia had fi rst

left, her absence had been a hollow ache that had echoed throughout

the rooms and fi nally settled around Liz’s heart. Now that Julia had

suddenly returned, Liz was bombarded with confl icting emotions. Most

of all, she was angry. Angry that Julia thought she still had the right to

walk through a locked door and back into Liz’s life. Angry at Julia for

all the times they had talked about their future and Julia had never said

that their dreams were not the same. Angry at herself for refusing to

see the truth, even when she had lived with it. She was confused, too,

by the instant pull of recognition, of familiar connection, that she’d

experienced the moment she’d seen Julia’s face. She hadn’t thought she

had any feelings left for her at all.

“What are you doing here?” Liz crossed the room and deposited

her purse and car keys on a side table. She smelled coffee, and the

sense of déjà vu strengthened. How many times had she come home

from the offi ce on Saturday morning, after having gone in before

dawn, to fi nd Julia waiting for her. Julia always slept late on the

weekends and never started grumbling about Liz’s absence until at

least noon. In the beginning of their relationship, Julia had waited in

bed and they would make love until the afternoon turned into evening.

In recent months, even longer than that when Liz thought of it, Julia

more often than not had met her with angry silence or complaints

about her working too much.

“I thought it was time we talked face to face,” Julia replied. “Every

time I phone you, you’re too busy and you never return my calls.”

“Perhaps there’s a message in that.”

“I know you’re angry. You have a right to be.”

Liz spun around. “I’m so glad that you think so.”

• 183 •

RADCLY fFE

Julia smiled patiently. “I didn’t handle things right at all, I know

that. That’s why I’m here.”

“You don’t live here anymore. I didn’t change the locks because

I knew that you had left some things behind, but I assumed you’d call

fi rst before coming over. It never occurred to me that you would just

walk in when I wasn’t here.” Liz gestured to the robe. “And you’ve

certainly made yourself at home. Did you sleep here?”

Julia’s expression darkened. “Didn’t you? ”

“I stayed at Bren’s. Yesterday was her birthday.”

“I’ll send her a card.”

Liz sat down on the sofa and folded her arms across her chest.

“You haven’t explained what you’re doing here.”

“I took the redeye back from a meeting in LA. I thought about you

all the way home, and I wanted to talk to you.”

“That’s what the phone is for.”

“We’ve been over that. Besides, it was on my way, and I know

you’re always up early. When you didn’t answer the buzzer, I assumed

you were at the offi ce and I thought I’d wait.”

“And take a shower and make coffee?”

Julia shrugged. “Why not.”

“I have the papers from your attorney about the condo. I’ll look at

them this week.”

“I didn’t come here to talk about the condo.” Julia settled onto

the sofa next to Liz and rested one hand on Liz’s thigh. “I came to talk

about us.”

“You left, remember? You have a new lover. There’s nothing to

talk about.”

“I don’t think we should be hasty,” Julia said calmly.

Liz laughed, beginning to suspect she’d tumbled into the Twilight

Zone. “Hasty? There wasn’t anything hasty about your six-month

affair. And there wasn’t anything hasty about the last two years of

our relationship, when we’d been sharing the same space and nothing

else.”

“I’ll admit, I made some bad choices and I’m sorry. But we have

a lot of years together, and I don’t think we should just throw those all

away.”

Liz shifted as far away as she could, but Julia leaned closer.

Abruptly, Liz stood to escape Julia’s touch. They did need to talk—there

• 184 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

were things she needed to say. “I’m not blaming you for everything that

happened between us. I didn’t do anything when I realized we were

drifting apart. But we did drift apart, and you found someone else.”

“I had an affair. That’s not the same thing.”

“The distinction escapes me.”

“Look, I’ll stop seeing her.”

“You mean you haven’t yet?” Liz shook her head. “You come

here wanting us to resume our relationship, but you haven’t told your

girlfriend about it?”

Julia was silent.

“I don’t want a relationship with you,” Liz said, recognizing the

truth of her words and feeling the anger melt away. “Whatever we had

between us has been gone for a long time. It’s time for us to move on.

Both of us.”

“Maybe it is too late to go back,” Julia said, rising. She stepped

close to Liz and put her arms around Liz’s neck. “But we can go forward.

I promise, I’ve learned my lesson.”

“I’m pregnant, Julia.”

Julia’s eyes widened and Liz felt her stiffen for just an instant.

Then she relaxed and smiled.

“Why, that’s wonderful darling. And all the more reason why we

should be togeth—”

“No,” Liz said, grasping Julia’s arms and removing them from

around her neck. “It’s the most important reason why we shouldn’t be

together. You didn’t want this baby, and I won’t raise my child with

someone who isn’t going to be there for both of us with her whole

heart.”

“You’d rather be alone?” Julia asked incredulously.

Liz smiled and lightly touched her abdomen. “I’m not alone.”

Julia’s eyes grew stormy. “Now who’s not being truthful. You’ve

found someone else. That certainly didn’t take long.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I haven’t.” Liz shook her

head. “I’d really like it if you’d get dressed and leave now.”

“Fine,” Julia snapped. “Have you told your new girlfriend about

your little bundle of joy?”

“I told you I’m not—”

“Five-eight, short black hair, a nice hard body, and hot eyes?”

Liz caught her breath. “What?”

• 185 •

RADCLY fFE

“She was here. She brought bagels. I rang her up because I was

curious about your early morning visitor.”

“Please go,” Liz said, turning her back and walking into the

kitchen. A bag of bagels from her favorite deli sat on the counter. Reilly.

Oh Reilly.

O

Bren hurried upstairs to her offi ce as soon as Candace left. She

dropped into her desk chair and then halted abruptly with her fi ngers

poised over the keyboard. What if there was no message? What if

last night had been a test and she’d failed? What if Jae had only been

playing an elaborate game and now that they’d met in person, the game

had lost its appeal?

Perhaps it was better to leave fantasies where they belonged, in

the realm of the possible but the unrealized. That way, dreams would

never become disappointments. With a sigh, Bren logged on to her

Melanie Richards website to update her blog. All of the messages were

routine, and she answered some, trying to ignore her disappointment

when she saw nothing that might have been from Jae. Then she checked

her regular email and fi nally opened her Melanie email account. There

were dozens of unread messages, but she saw only one header.

Last night…

Holding her breath, Bren opened the message.

I did what you told me to do. I wanted to come as soon as I got

backstage, but I waited until I was home in bed because you told me

to. You didn’t say I couldn’t, so I came twice, thinking about you in my

mouth.

Bren’s heart nearly pounded out of her chest. Jae hadn’t climaxed

on the stage when the faceless woman had teased her, but Bren knew

what she looked like, what she smelled like, what she sounded like

when she was excited. Bren remembered the barely perceptible brush

of Jae’s hot body against hers, and the way her breath tore in and out of

her chest. Bren trembled as her body quickened, and now she was the

one who wanted to come. Instead, she typed.

If I had wanted you to come more than once, I would have given

you permission.

• 186 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Then she did in the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life. She

turned off her computer, got up, and walked away.

O

Liz walked around Reilly’s block for the fourth time. What if

Reilly wasn’t home? Worse, what if Reilly wasn’t alone? What if she

had read things completely wrong the night before, and Reilly had

been with Parker just as Candace suspected. Or maybe after running

into Julia, Reilly had decided that Parker was a much better choice of

women to date.

“We’re not dating anyway,” Liz muttered.

Still, she couldn’t bear the thought of Reilly thinking that she and

Julia were…anything. She paused at the corner where she had picked

Reilly up the morning they’d had breakfast, and the image of Reilly in

jeans and a T-shirt, looking windblown and sexy, made her stomach

tighten. With a sigh, she started around the block again. The sound of

a car horn brought her up short, and she looked into the street. Reilly

idled in her convertible, the top down and a puzzled expression on her

face.

“Hi,” Liz called, feeling inane and absurdly happy at the same

time.

“You need a ride somewhere?”

Liz shook her head. “No, I’m not going anywhere.”

Reilly grinned. “That sounds serious.”

Laughing, Liz walked over to the passenger side and leaned her

arms on the door. “You’re blocking traffi c.”

“Why don’t I take you on a ride to somewhere, then?”

Reilly’s eyes were steady on Liz’s face, dark and fi lled with

possibilities. Liz didn’t hesitate, but pulled the door open and quickly

slid into the passenger seat. “Yes.”

Reilly didn’t speak again until they were speeding north on

Interstate 95. Liz didn’t mind Reilly’s silence. She could sense her just

a few feet away as clearly as if they were touching. Feeling better than

she had all day, she relaxed with her head back, the warm sun on her

face and a cool breeze streaming through her hair. She had left her

apartment with the single intention of telling Reilly that Julia was not

• 187 •

RADCLY fFE

part of her life any more, but she didn’t want to talk about Julia now.

For just a few moments, all she wanted was to absorb the pleasure of

being with Reilly.

After a few minutes she turned her head and watched Reilly as she

drove, one hand draped over the gear shift, her fi ngers lightly caressing

the round leather knob. Her arms were tanned below the sleeves of her

polo shirt, and her black jeans hugged her long tight thighs. As usual,

she wore running shoes. Liz had never met a woman who looked so

sexy without even trying.

“Parker get home okay?” Liz asked.

“I was just coming back from driving her to the train station when

I saw you,” Reilly said, her eyes on the road. “She had a headache and

needed to take a pain pill, and I didn’t want her behind the wheel.”

“She stayed overnight with you,” Liz said, hoping she sounded

casual.

“Yes. She was in no shape to go anywhere else last night.”

“You’re right. It was good of you to look after her.”

Reilly glanced at her briefl y. “How late did you stay?”

“Not too much longer after you left. Right after Bren got treated

to a lap dance.”

“No kidding. Not by the one with the six-guns, I hope.”

Liz laughed. “No, the last one.”

“The one in leather who was getting…ah…fondled up on stage?”

“That’s the one. I think you were outside with Parker when she did

her encore with Bren.”

“Birthday present?”

“Maybe, but not from Candace and me. I think it was actually a

date—sort of.”

“Damn, I missed a lot. I did see Candace getting it on with someone

at the bar.”

“Yes.”

“Parker’s a little messed up about that,” Reilly said quietly.

“So is Candace.”

“Well then, I guess they’ll work it out one way or the other.”

“I hope so.”

“Are you hungry?” Reilly asked.

Liz realized it was after fi ve and she hadn’t eaten anything since

the croissant at breakfast. After Julia had fi nally left, she had curled up

• 188 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

on the couch, tired from the late night and upset that Reilly might have

gotten the wrong impression about Julia being at her apartment. She’d

fallen into an uneasy sleep plagued by dark dreams and had awakened

unrefreshed and restless. Without any clear plan, she’d showered and

dressed and walked to Reilly’s apartment.

“I missed lunch.”

“That’s not good.”

“My schedule is a bit off today.”

“I know a little restaurant in New Hope. I think you’ll like it.”

Liz turned in the seat and covered Reilly’s hand where it rested on

the gear shift. “Would you mind if I took a rain check on that?”

“No,” Reilly said quickly. “Do you want me to take you home?”

“You know what I’d like? I’d like it if you could fi nd an oldfashioned roadside hotdog stand. I’d really love a chocolate milkshake

and a grilled cheese sandwich.”

“O-kay,” Reilly said, drawing out the word. She turned her hand

and briefl y clasped Liz’s. “One case of indigestion, coming up.”

O

Twenty minutes later, Reilly carried a tray with two milkshakes, a

hamburger, a grilled cheese sandwich, and an order of fries back to the

car, where Liz waited with her head back and her eyes closed. Reilly

hesitated before opening the door, indulging herself in the pleasure of

looking at Liz. The sunlight brought out the slivers of golden fl ame in

her hair, and she seemed so peaceful that Reilly hated to wake her.

“I can smell the food,” Liz said with her eyes still closed. “If you

don’t get in here this second, I can’t vouch for your safety.”

Laughing, Reilly pulled the door open and slid into her seat. She

balanced the tray in her lap and picked up Liz’s chocolate milkshake.

“You sure about this?”

“Give me that,” Liz ordered sternly, spreading open a napkin in

her lap.

Reilly passed it over. “I didn’t ask for pickles. Should I have asked

for pickles?”

“I don’t like pickles. But I want that sandwich.”

“Here you go.” Reilly munched her burger while enjoying Liz’s

small murmurs of contentment. “How’s the morning sickness?”

• 189 •

RADCLY fFE

Liz stiffened slightly. “Fine. No problems.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get personal.”

“Reilly, you held my head while I vomited. We’re way past

worrying about personal, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know, are we?” Reilly put her hamburger aside and passed

Liz the French fries. “Want some?”

“Thanks.” Liz fi nished her grilled cheese and started in on the

fries. “I had an ultrasound this week. I really got it then that this is

happening. Really happening.”

“How so?”

“Well it’s not like it looks like much of anything,” Liz said, “but

I heard its heartbeat. I heard it. It’s growing inside me.” She stared at

Reilly. “I can’t explain exactly how freaky that is. And amazing, too.”

Reilly felt a swift stab of pain. She’d never seen an ultrasound of

Annie’s fetus. She looked at Liz and felt a million things she’d never

felt for Annie. Protective, awestruck, strangely reverent, and constantly

excited.

“I’m sorry. Is this hard for you? Because of Annie?”

Reilly shook her head. “Do you have it with you?”

“What?” Liz asked, confused.

“The ultrasound.”

Liz blushed, then reached on the fl oor where she’d set her purse

and rummaged around in it. “Here.”

Reilly took the 4 x 5 inch Polaroid carefully and slanted it so the

sunlight didn’t glare off the surface. Among the shadows, she picked

out a dark oval surrounding an irregular white crescent. She ran her

fi nger over the tiny shape. “Look at that.”

“I bet you’ve seen a million.”

Liz sounded self-conscious and Reilly, still studying the image,

reached between them and took Liz’s hand. “Not like this.” She looked

up and caught Liz’s eye. “Not this special. Did you send one to your

sister?”

“First thing,” Liz said quietly. “You remembered.”

Reilly studied Liz, wondering why Liz sounded surprised. “I think

about you.”

“I think about you.”

All the time, Reilly thought , I think about you all the time. And

she didn’t know if that was good or bad, but she knew she didn’t want

• 190 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

to stop. She realized she was still holding Liz’s hand, and she didn’t

want to let go. She wondered about Julia, then decided she didn’t care.

Liz was here right now, and she was tired of pretending she didn’t want

her.

“We should get back,” Liz said.

“Okay.” Reilly gathered up the remains of their meal and returned

the tray to the counter. When she got behind the wheel, Liz took her

hand again.

“And I want you to invite me up to your apartment when we get

there.”

Reilly drew Liz’s hand across the space between them and pressed

it to her stomach. Then she started the car and backed out of the gravel

lot, turned onto the one lane macadam road that would take them back

to I-95 and the city, and covered Liz’s hand where it lay against her

middle.

“Okay.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me why?” Liz inquired.

“No,” Reilly said. “It doesn’t matter why. The answer is yes.”

• 191 •

• 192 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Can I get you anything?” Reilly asked as she closed the door

to her apartment behind Liz. Thankfully, she’d picked up

the place before Parker left, and the living room was reasonably neat.

She’d left a stack of medical journals on the coffee table and her gym

bag in front of the closet, but the bookcases were dust free and none of

her laundry was lying around.

“A soda would be great. Sprite?”

Reilly frowned. “Maybe. It might require some serious excavation.”

Liz laughed. “I should have asked what my choices were.”

“Water. Coke, I think. Everything else is alcoholic.”

“Water is fi ne.”

Reilly pointed to the couch. “Have a seat. Let me see what I can

fi nd.”

“I really don’t need anything.”

Reilly hurried into the kitchen and squatted down to sort through

the disorganized array of cans and bottles under the sink. Beer. Beer.

Tuna fi sh. She frowned and put that up on the counter. Beer. Coke. And

there at the back, two lonely cans of Sprite. Feeling as if she’d just

downed a wild boar with a sharp wooden stick, she rose with a cry of

triumph.

“Got it,” she called. “Just needs ice.”

“I don’t mind it warm,” Liz said from right behind her.

Reilly jumped and spun around. Liz stood three feet away in

the doorway, watching her with an indecipherable smile on her face.

“We’re talking August in the city, Liz. The can is hot.”

“You know, you’re very nice.”

“That’s not what most people say,” Reilly said.

“No?” Liz moved closer, stopping a few inches from Reilly, who

had the cabinets at her back. She took the can from Reilly and set it

gently on the counter. “What do they say?”

• 193 •

RADCLY fFE

“My colleagues say I’m competitive.” Reilly caught Liz’s scent.

Hot and sultry like the night breeze blowing in the open window a few

feet away. Liz wore a sleeveless white blouse with the top two buttons

open, baring a tantalizing triangle of lightly tanned skin. Her forest

green cotton shorts came to mid-thigh, and a lot of leg stretched below

them. Reilly itched to run her palms up and down that smooth expanse

of thigh.

Liz rested both hands on Reilly’s shoulders, her thumbs tracing

the ridges of Reilly’s collarbones. “What do your friends say?”

“That I’m competitive,” Reilly said, her gaze fi xed on Liz’s mouth.

Her lips were moist, parted slightly, and swollen, as if they’d already

been kissed. “Liz…”

“Are you thinking about kissing me?”

Reilly looped her arms around Liz’s waist and the space between

them disappeared. “Yes.”

“Good, because I’m thinking about being kissed.”

Lightly, Reilly brushed her lips over Liz’s. Once. Twice. “How’s

that?”

“Just like I said. Very nice.” Liz shifted her hips until one thigh

settled in the vee of Reilly’s crotch. “What do your girl friends say

about you?”

“I’ve forgotten.”

Liz smiled. “Smart, too. Smart and nice.”

“Nice is okay,” Reilly whispered, sliding her hand up Liz’s back

before burying her fi ngers in Liz’s thick, silky hair, “but do you think I

could try for sexy?”

Liz tilted her head back and murmured appreciatively when Reilly

kissed her throat. “You don’t have to try for that.”

“Self-improvement is a good thing to strive for.” Reilly explored

the hollow at the base of Liz’s throat with the tip of her tongue, then

kissed the skin exposed by Liz’s open blouse. When she could kiss no

lower, she turned her head slightly and rubbed her cheek gently over

Liz’s breast.

Liz drew in a sharp breath and her fi ngers tightened on Reilly’s

shoulders. “I’m very sensitive for some reason these days.”

Reilly raised her head and kissed Liz’s mouth, sweeping the tip

of her tongue slowly over the surface of Liz’s lower lip. “You’re very

beautiful.”

• 194 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I can’t imagine why you think that.” Liz drew the thick strands

of dark hair at the base of Reilly’s neck through her fi ngers. “But I’m

glad you do.”

“I could try to tell you,” Reilly murmured, her mouth against the

soft skin below Liz’s ear. “But I’d rather show you.”

“Yes.”

“Ordinarily I don’t kiss women with girlfriends,” Reilly said. “But

I’m still going to kiss you. I’ll worry about the rest later.”

Liz tugged on Reilly’s hair until Reilly leaned back again and

looked at her questioningly. “I was on my way to your house this

afternoon when you drove by.”

Reilly raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you tell me you weren’t going

anywhere?”

Liz smiled. “I wasn’t, until I saw you.”

“Then I’m glad I came by.”

“Me too.” When Reilly dipped her head to kiss her again, Liz

stopped her. “Julia told me you came by the apartment this morning.”

Reilly’s eyes swiftly darkened to almost black. “It was a spur of

the moment thing. I should have called fi rst.”

Liz kissed Reilly, then threaded her arms around Reilly’s waist.

She didn’t want Reilly to pull away. “I’d like very much for you to

come by whenever you get the urge.”

Reilly grew very still and remained silent.

“I’m sorry I missed you,” Liz continued. “I wasn’t there. I spent

the night at Bren’s.”

“Then why did she buzz me up?” Reilly asked, confused.

“She said she was curious. She probably was.” Liz cradled Reilly’s

cheek. “I didn’t know she was coming and she isn’t there anymore. I

told her to go.”

“Is that temporary or still undecided?”

“It’s permanent. Very permanent.”

“Does she know about—”

“Yes.” Liz leaned into Reilly, her breasts swollen, her nipples so

sensitive they ached to be stroked. “I don’t have a girlfriend, and I

really, really need you to kiss me.”

“Am I going to be able to kiss you more than once?”

“As long as you want to,” Liz breathed against Reilly’s mouth.

Reilly kissed her a little deeper this time, teasing her tongue over

• 195 •

RADCLY fFE

Liz’s. When the heat fl ared in her belly and she was in danger of going

too fast, she eased back. “We should get comfortable, because I don’t

want to stop any time soon.”

Liz hesitated for just a few seconds. She had never been one to

fall into bed quickly or easily, and despite the fact that her body was

screaming for more—for everything—there were still so many things

unspoken between them. Still, she craved Reilly’s mouth and ached for

Reilly’s hands on her. “Good idea.”

“Wait right here,” Reilly said, before easing away.

Liz watched, curious, as Reilly fl ung open cabinet doors and fi nally

pulled down an empty green bottle with a fat belly and a long thin neck.

The bottom half was covered with a straw weave. She laughed when

Reilly pulled a stumpy white candle from another drawer and jammed

it into the mouth of the bottle.

“Is that a Chianti bottle?” When Reilly nodded, Liz laughed again.

“I haven’t seen one of those used as a candleholder since college.”

“That’s me,” Reilly said. “I really know how to impress a date.”

“You’re doing fi ne so far.”

Reilly regarded her intently, then held out her hand. “Let’s see if

I can keep it up.”

With her hand in Reilly’s, Liz followed her through the living

room, down a narrow hall with a bathroom off to one side, and into

a bedroom. Like the rest of the apartment, it was sparsely furnished,

neat, and clean. The bed was made and a digital alarm clock sat beside a

haphazard pile of books on the bedside table. More books rested on the

fl oor within easy reach of the bed. An area rug covering the hardwood

fl oor in front of a plain dresser completed the furnishings.

The bed brought Liz up short. She wanted to make love, and she

wished it were that simple. She wasn’t sure it ever had been for her,

but she knew it wasn’t now. Not when she didn’t know if she would

want to walk away in the morning or if Reilly would want her to, or if

she wanted something else. She wasn’t even certain she should want

anything else right now. She had more than enough to deal with.

“Reilly,” Liz said reluctantly.

“Just one minute.”

Reilly tugged Liz further into the room, past the bed, and over

to a wide window. Reilly handed Liz the Chianti bottle and a book of

• 196 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

matches Liz had seen her take out of the drawer along with the candle.

“Here, hold these.”

Curious, Liz took the items as Reilly wrestled with the window.

It obviously hadn’t been opened in a while. When Reilly had it opened

wide, she swung one leg over the window sill and held out her hands

for the candle.

“I thought we could watch the sunset.”

When Reilly pulled her other leg through, Liz bent down and saw

a fi re escape outside the window. Part of her was disappointed that she

wouldn’t be able to stretch out next to Reilly on the bed, because she

wasn’t ready to stop kissing. But she could hardly complain, since she

had been about to put the brakes on just seconds before. She slid her

leg over the sill, dipped her head, and stepped out onto the fi re escape.

Reilly balanced the Chianti bottle on top of an overturned orange plastic

milk crate and put the matches beside it.

“Have a seat,” Reilly said with a sweep of her arm.

Liz regarded the object that took up most of the fi re escape. “That

looks like the back seat of a car.”

“It is. A ’56 Buick, to be exact.” Reilly settled down on one end of

the wide, tan leather seat. “I always wanted to make out in the backseat

of a ’56 Buick.”

Delighted, Liz curled up beside her and when Reilly put her arm

around her shoulders, Liz wrapped hers around Reilly’s middle and

rested her head on Reilly’s shoulder. The fi re escape faced west toward

the river and the huge city park. The sun was just beginning to set. A

faint breeze stirred the sultry night air.

“Comfortable?” Reilly murmured.

“Very.”

Reilly kissed the top of her head and ran her hand up and down

Liz’s bare arm. “Let me know if you get cold.”

“It’s August.” Liz kissed the side of Reilly’s throat.

“I know, but…I don’t want you to get chilled.”

Liz was touched by Reilly’s protectiveness, although she wondered

if part of Reilly’s concern wasn’t coming from some need of Reilly’s

to do for her what Reilly hadn’t been able to do for Annie. The thought

bothered her, even as she told herself it didn’t matter.

“I can think of a few ways to keep warm,” Liz said.

• 197 •

RADCLY fFE

Reilly cradled Liz’s chin and tilted her face up. “Me too.”

The kiss was languorous, a slow exploration of slick surfaces and

hot, smooth muscles. Liz shifted into Reilly’s lap and put her arms

around her neck in the position they’d been in the night before. She had

wanted to kiss Reilly like this then. She kept her eyes open, although

it was diffi cult, and thrilled to see Reilly’s pupils widen and her eyes

grow hazier with each passing minute. Reilly caressed her sides and

her hip and the length of her thigh and before long, Liz was breathing

hard and rotating her hips between Reilly’s spread thighs. She caught

Reilly’s hand and pressed it to her breast.

Reilly groaned and slid her hand inside Liz’s blouse. When she

swept her fi ngertips inside the very top of Liz’s bra, Liz moaned.

Instantly, Reilly stilled.

“Don’t stop,” Liz whispered, sucking lightly on Reilly’s neck.

“You said you wanted to make out.”

“I can’t remember,” Reilly gasped. “Is this fi rst base or second?”

“Oh God, I don’t know.” Liz laughed, so turned on she could

barely stand it and never wanting the feeling to end.

Reilly pushed her hand lower inside Liz’s bra and cupped the

undersurface of her breast. Then she squeezed gently.

Liz writhed in Reilly’s lap, the ache in her breasts spreading lower.

She needed more. She needed Reilly closer, and she kissed her harder,

pulling Reilly’s tongue into her mouth. She sucked on it and Reilly’s

hips jerked under her ass. Reilly’s thumb and forefi nger closed on her

nipple and rolled lightly. Liz whimpered and tugged Reilly’s polo shirt

from her jeans. She worked her hand underneath and found Reilly’s

small, fi rm breasts. When she mimicked Reilly’s motions, Reilly

shuddered.

“Lie down on top of me,” Reilly urged, turning sideways on the

seat with her back propped against the iron railing.

“Unbutton my blouse.” Liz shifted until she had one leg between

Reilly’s. She pressed her center against Reilly’s tight thigh, knowing

she was wet, not caring if she soaked through her shorts. She reached

behind her and released her bra. When Reilly got her last button open,

her breasts spilled out. Immediately, Reilly covered both of them with

her hands. Liz pushed Reilly’s shirt up and feathered her fi ngers over

the tight pink nipples. Reilly arched into her hands.

• 198 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Oh look at you,” Liz whispered. “So beautiful.” She raised her

gaze to Reilly’s face and found Reilly staring at her, her eyes fathomless.

“What?”

“Ground rules.” Reilly hooked her calf behind Liz’s and tightened

her thighs, pressing hard against Liz’s leg. “While I can still think.”

Liz looked down at Reilly’s hands inside her blouse and hers on

Reilly’s breasts. “We might be too late.”

“Almost.”

“Tell me.” Liz looked around at the nearby buildings. The sun had

gone down without her noticing it, and lights had come on in some of the

apartments. They were shrouded in near darkness now. She shrugged

out of her blouse and dropped it along with her bra on the grillwork

landing. Then she stretched out on top of Reilly, curling one arm behind

Reilly’s neck. She caressed Reilly’s breasts. “What rules?”

“No touching below the waist,” Reilly whispered, running both

hands up and down Liz’s back.

“The way I feel,” Liz murmured, nibbling along the edge of

Reilly’s jaw, “that might not matter.”

“You want to stop?”

“Oh no.” Liz kissed her again, slowly and deeply, until Reilly

trembled beneath her. “I want to make out until curfew.”

“Is someone waiting up for you?”

Liz nipped at Reilly’s chin. “Not a soul.”

“Good. I’m not wearing a watch.”

O

Bren checked the time on the wall clock opposite her desk.

Nine p.m. She wondered if Jae was already at the Blue Diamond.

She wondered if she performed every night. She wondered if she had

another job. If she had a lover. If she had many lovers.

She booted up her computer, opened Melanie’s email program,

and scanned the messages.

I’m sorry.

She clicked open the message.

I should have waited to come again, but I couldn’t stop. Will you

forgive me?

• 199 •

RADCLY fFE

Bren scrolled down the list. A few hours later, another message.

I’m sorry. Will you let me apologize in person?

The next read, Please don’t go. Let me show you I’m sorry.

As she read, another message arrived. I can still feel the heat of

your body against the insides of my thighs, on my nipples. When I touch

myself, I feel your breath on my neck. I taste you. I won’t come again

until you tell me to. Please.

Jae’s excitement was palpable. Bren’s body clamored for attention,

and she knew that Jae must need to come just as badly. She thought

about how hard it would be for Jae not to climax on stage tonight, and

the idea of her struggling not to give in made Bren even more excited.

She needed to come right now, but she would deny herself as long as

she denied Jae.

She typed quickly.

Tonight when you’re on stage, I want you to imagine the hands

touching you are mine. I’ll be watching. You do not have permission

to come.

As soon as she pushed send, she reached for her cell phone and

pushed a number on speed dial. When Candace answered, Bren said, “I

didn’t expect you to be home on a Saturday night.”

“Did you call just to make me cranky?” Candace replied.

“No,” Bren laughed. “Is it still my birthday weekend?”

“What do you need? Chocolate cake? A bottle of wine? I’m at

your service.”

“I need a date.”

“Age, physical description, sexual proclivities?”

“I was thinking of you.”

Silence.

“I don’t want you to sleep with me, Candace,” Bren said, “just

keep me company.”

“Damn. And now I’m horny.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Where are we going?”

“The Blue Diamond.”

“That works for me. Maybe tonight I’ll fi nd someone I feel like

fucking when I get her home.”

• 200 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I’ll call Liz,” Bren said.

“Okay. What time do you want me to pick you up?”

“Uh—twenty minutes?”

“That gives me fi ve minutes to dress, darling.”

“Skip underwear.”

“I always do.”

• 201 •

• 202 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

So,” Candace said as she pulled into the parking lot at the Blue

Diamond, “what prompted this spur of the moment visit?”

“I want to see Jae again,” Bren answered.

Candace turned off the ignition and regarded Bren intently. The

club, looking more like a chop shop than a nightclub, crouched on a

narrow strip of land between the I-95 bypass and the Delaware River,

surrounded by convenience stores and empty factory buildings with

boarded up windows. The lot was nearly fi lled with an odd assortment

of vehicles—dusty pickup trucks with oversized wheels, shiny highend luxury sedans, and a stretch Humvee limo. In the hazy yellow

glow from the security lights hanging from the corners of the building,

Candace’s face looked eerily unfamiliar.

“What?” Bren asked, her voice echoing hollowly inside the car.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“What am I doing?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, this is not a club where nice girls go

to fi nd dates.”

“I already have a date.”

“You don’t know her,” Candace pointed out.

Bren smiled, surprised at Candace’s concern. “You don’t know a

lot of the women you bring home.”

“That’s true, but I have a lot more experience at it than you do.”

“I’m not as naïve as you think.”

“I’m beginning to get that you’re a lot more of a lot of things than

I thought.”

“Thank you.”

“I can still worry.”

“I’m not going home with her,” Bren said. “I came to see how well

she follows instructions.”

• 203 •

RADCLY fFE

“She knows you’re coming?”

“No, and I don’t want her to see us.”

“Okay,” Candace said slowly. “I think I might like this game.”

Bren leaned over and kissed Candace’s cheek. “I bet you would.”

“Is it too late for you to play it with me?”

Laughing, Bren pushed her door open. “Way too late.”

“Damn. And now I’m really horny.”

O

Liz sighed and burrowed into the curve of Reilly’s neck. Reilly

stroked her hair and adjusted the blouse she had draped over Liz’s bare

back to keep her warm.

“Mmm,” Liz murmured. “You smell good.”

“Thank you.” Smiling, Reilly kissed Liz’s temple.

Liz responded by snugging her leg more fi rmly into Reilly’s

crotch. Reilly’s breath caught at the unexpected pressure. Her body had

never cooled below simmer, and it wouldn’t take much to bring her

back up to a boil.

“What?” Liz asked drowsily.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

Liz raised her head and looked around. It was completely dark

except for the candle that fl ickered and fl ared a few feet away “We’re

still in the backseat of the car.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

“Uh-huh.”

Liz replayed the last few things she remembered, and sat up

abruptly. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I did that. I am so sorry.”

Reilly shifted her legs, one of which was completely numb from

the weight of Liz lying on her for the last hour. She didn’t care. Even

if gangrene had set in and her leg had dropped off, she wouldn’t have

given up a second of holding Liz in her arms. She’d had sex a few times

in the last several years, usually with women she knew from work

who’d asked her out, and she had fi nally given in after running out of

polite ways to say no. Sometimes she was lonely, and she surrendered

to the need to hear someone, even a stranger, cry out in pleasure. But

she rarely felt less lonely after a night of false intimacy. In fact, she had

• 204 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

rarely felt lonelier than when waking up with a woman she didn’t really

know in her arms.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” Reilly said, taking

Liz’s hand. “I’ve had a great night.”

Liz clasped Reilly’s hand in both of hers. With her head down,

her hair covered most of her face and Reilly couldn’t make out her

expression. “I wasn’t talking about just falling asleep.”

“I know what you’re talking about. You’re amazing.”

“I’ve never done that before,” Liz said in a low voice. “I didn’t

even know I could.”

“Your body is changing.” Reilly held up Liz’s blouse, which had

slid off when Liz bolted up. “You should put this on. The temperature’s

fi nally dropped a little bit. Should I get you a sweatshirt?”

“Did you know?” Liz took the blouse but didn’t put it on. “That I…”

“That you came while we were kissing?”

Liz nodded mutely.

“Yes.” Reilly leaned over and kissed her softly. “I don’t think I’ve

ever experienced anything sexier in my life.”

Liz pressed her forehead to Reilly’s shoulder. “God, I’m

embarrassed.”

“Please don’t be. You were so beautiful.”

“I couldn’t help it—the way you kiss me. The way you touch my

breasts.” Liz traced Reilly’s mouth with her thumb. “I felt you inside

me. Everywhere.”

Reilly shuddered. She wanted Liz again. She wanted to hear her

soft, broken cries of pleasure and feel her tremble. She wanted the

exquisite pleasure of Liz’s fi ngers digging into her shoulders as she

arched into her. She wanted that, all of that, and so very much more.

Swiftly, she pulled away and kneeled on the iron fi re escape in front

of Liz. She wrapped her arms around Liz’s waist and rested her cheek

against Liz’s stomach just above the top of her shorts. “While you were

sleeping, I put my hand right here. I imagined I could feel a heartbeat

beneath my fi ngers. Any day now, you’ll feel movement.”

Liz stroked Reilly’s hair. “You’re the fi rst one to touch me there.”

Reilly closed her eyes and pressed her face harder to Liz’s warm

fl esh. She and Annie had never made love while Annie was pregnant.

She knew that, because they hadn’t made love for almost four months

before Annie died. They had been fi ghting almost constantly, and she

• 205 •

RADCLY fFE

thought then it was because the demands of her residency left her absent,

physically and emotionally, too much of the time. Now she wondered if

it hadn’t been because of the secret Annie was keeping. She wondered

if she would have known, if she would have noticed any difference in

Annie’s body. She wondered now if she had really known Annie very

well at all.

“I feel honored,” Reilly said.

Liz laughed and caressed Reilly’s cheek. “Believe me, there may

be something miraculous going on inside me, but I am just an ordinary

woman.”

“You’re shivering.” Reilly stood and took Liz’s hand. “Come

inside.”

Reilly climbed over the window sill and waited to help Liz. Then

she pulled a T-shirt from her dresser drawer and held it out. “Here—this

will be a little warmer than that blouse.”

While Liz shrugged into the T-shirt and dropped her blouse on the

dresser, Reilly walked to the bed, turned on the small reading lamp on

the bedside table, and stretched out on top of the covers. When she held

out her hand, Liz gripped it and lay down facing her.

“Warm enough?” Reilly asked.

“Perfect.”

Reilly put her arm around Liz’s waist and pulled her closer until

their bodies just touched. “You’re not ordinary. You’re brave and strong,

and so sexy I’m just about crazy from wanting you all the time.”

“And I left you high and dry out there, didn’t I,” Liz said. “I still

can’t believe I did that.”

“I told you, you’re amazing. The way I felt when I realized what

was happening—believe me, that was better than an orgasm.”

Liz laughed. “Oh, you really are in a bad way.”

“Maybe. But I’m not complaining.”

Liz skimmed her hand under the back of Reilly’s polo shirt,

pressed against her, and kissed her. “I wanted to go to bed with you

when we came up here tonight. All the way to bed—no clothes, no

barriers, no doubts.”

“But?”

“This is new territory for me.” Liz took Reilly’s hand and pressed

it low on her belly. “This is new.” She carried Reilly’s hand to her

breast and held it over her heart. “What’s going on in here is new too. I

• 206 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

don’t know when Julia started to move out of my life, out of my heart. I

didn’t notice the emptiness until it was so huge nothing we could have

done would have changed things.”

“Not even the baby?”

“Especially not the baby.”

Reilly frowned. “What did she say when you told her?”

“She said it was wonderful.”

“She’s right. How could she not think—”

“Reilly, Julia didn’t know I was pregnant because she called me

from California the day I was scheduled to be inseminated and told me

she didn’t want to have a baby.”

“She was in California? Wasn’t she going with you?”

“We’d been talking about the insemination for a few months, and

we had fi nally decided to go ahead. Or at least, I had decided, and Julia

had gone along with it. Everything was scheduled and then Julia had a

meeting come up that she couldn’t get out of.” Liz shook her head. “We

both decided that if the timing was right while she was away, I would

do it alone. After all, it wasn’t the mechanics that mattered, at least

that’s what we said.”

Reilly grit her teeth to keep from commenting. She had no right

to criticize Julia. Her lover hadn’t been able to count on her, either, or

at least that’s what Annie must have believed. “Then she changed her

mind, but you went ahead?”

“No,” Liz said quietly. “She called from California that morning

to tell me not to keep the appointment. She left a message on my cell.

Maybe she thought I was in a meeting or something, but my appointment

had been moved up from the afternoon to the fi rst thing in the morning.

By the time I got the message, it was already done.”

“Jesus,” Reilly muttered. She couldn’t even imagine how Liz

must have felt when she got the message from Julia telling her not to go

ahead. “I’m sorry. You must have been shocked.”

“I didn’t know what to think. I was numb. I guess I didn’t quite

believe that she actually meant it until she got home and I confronted

her. That’s when she told me about her girlfriend.”

“She doesn’t deserve you,” Reilly snarled.

Liz pushed Reilly over onto her back and climbed on top of her.

She propped herself on her elbows and smiled down at Reilly. “You are

very good for my ego.”

• 207 •

RADCLY fFE

Reilly tangled her hands in Liz’s hair and kissed her throat. “She’s

an idiot.”

Liz grasped Reilly’s wrists and pinned her arms to the bed. Then

she leaned down and nibbled on Reilly’s neck. “I need to go home

before we start in again. Because the next time I come, we’re not going

to have any clothes on and you’re going to be inside me for real.”

Reilly didn’t struggle to break free of Liz’s grip, even though what

she wanted was to roll Liz under her and lose herself in her. Instead,

she turned her head and kissed Liz on the mouth, sliding her tongue

inside when Liz didn’t pull away. They kissed until they were both

breathless.

“Okay, that’s it,” Liz gasped. “Curfew time.”

“I’ll walk you home.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m leaving?”

“No. Whatever you want. Whatever you need. It’s all right.”

“What if I don’t know?” Liz asked.

“Then we’ll wait until you do.”

Liz sat up, straddling Reilly’s hips. “What do you want?”

“I want what you make me feel.”

“What is that?”

“Alive.”

O

“God, she’s hot,” Candace moaned as Jae stalked onto the stage.

This time she wore a black leather vest and chaps with a band of black

satin between her legs that barely covered her clitoris.

“Isn’t she,” Bren said, sliding in behind Candace’s stool at the far

end of the bar so she could watch the stage over Candace’s shoulder.

The room was so dark, she doubted Jae could see her, but she wanted

the privacy to watch Jae without Candace watching her.

Much like the night before, Jae posed and strutted, her attitude

arrogant, her expression remote. When she strode to the very edge of

the platform, unbuttoned her vest, and shrugged it from her muscular

shoulders in one motion, Bren barely managed not to groan out loud.

When she thrust her hips forward, daring those at the nearest tables to

reach for her sex, Bren felt a wave of heat surge through her that settled

between her thighs and left her wet.

• 208 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I would love to go down on that,” Candace muttered.

“Forget it. Tonight, she’s mine.”

Candace swiveled on her barstool. “You really are Melanie

Richards, aren’t you?”

“I really am.”

Bren kept her eyes on the stage, her pulse racing as Jae gave one

last insolent pelvic thrust inches from the groping hands, then pivoted

and sauntered to the spotlit silver pole. The room went completely black

except for that bright cone of light. Jae reached above her head and

fi sted one hand above the other, the pole a gleaming phallus protruding

from her clenched fi ngers. She tilted her head back, and through halfclosed eyes stared directly at Bren.

“She knows you’re here,” Candace whispered.

“She can’t.”

“She does.”

Again, the blood-tipped fi ngers reached from out of the blackness

and roamed Jae’s body. Tonight, her skin glistened with sweat within

seconds and the muscles in her stomach rippled convulsively. Her

breasts fl ushed and her nipples tightened.

“Ooo, look at her. Whoever’s playing with her is doing a number

on her tonight. I bet you she comes.”

“She won’t,” Bren said.

Jae’s tormentor slid two fi ngers into the cleft between Jae’s thighs,

and when she slowly drew them out, they glistened wetly. The muscles

in Jae’s jaws bunched as she clenched her teeth, and her thighs trembled.

Bren could almost feel the harsh, hot breath of Jae’s arousal on her neck

and sensed her body careening to the edge. Watching her, she saw the

instant she began the inevitable climb to orgasm. Jae writhed, her back

a taut bow, struggling to contain the uncontainable. She was beautiful

in her utter need. The room was so quiet, Jae’s agonized groan carried

through the stillness like a desperate plea. Her suffering was palpable

and Bren took pity on her.

“You may come,” Bren whispered.

“No,” Jae cried. She pushed the hands from her body and collapsed

to her knees. She fell forward, head bowed, barely catching herself on

outstretched arms. “No!”

The crowd gasped as one and the spotlight blinked out, leaving

them all teetering on the razor’s edge of desire.

• 209 •

RADCLY fFE

“I have got to get laid tonight,” Candace moaned.

Bren bit back the wild urge to laugh in triumph, certain that part

of Jae’s out-of-control arousal had been because Jae knew she was

watching. Watching, and forbidding her the pleasure she craved. The

lights came up just enough for customers to move around the murky

room. The stage was empty.

Bren signaled the bartender, and surprisingly, he came over

immediately.

“Get you something?”

“I want a dance.”

“Fifty bucks. Grab an empty table if you can get one.”

“No. A private dance.”

“Way to go, Bren,” Candace murmured.

The bartender regarded Bren calculatingly. “Who?”

“You know who. She left me a message last night.”

He nodded, bent over, and pulled something from under the bar.

He handed her a key. “Fourth room on the right.”

“How much?”

He shook his head. “It’s paid for.”

“Thank you.”

He shrugged and left to attend the swarm of men and a few women

who clamored for drinks.

“Can I watch?” Candace asked.

“Not this time,” Bren said.

Candace gripped her hand. “Are you saying I might be able to,

sometime?”

“I don’t know. It might be more fun to make her watch us.”

Candace’s mouth dropped open.

Laughing, Bren put two fi ngers beneath Candace’s chin and gently

closed her mouth. “You are so much fun to play with.”

“You have no idea.”

“Will you be okay if I leave you out here alone?” Bren asked.

“Will you be okay in there alone?”

“Absolutely.” Bren jiggled the key. “After all, I’m just going to

watch.”

• 210 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Liz and Reilly held hands as they walked from Reilly’s apartment

on Twenty-second and Pine to Liz’s condo a few blocks away.

Although after eleven, couples strolled toward Rittenhouse Square and

soft jazz drifted out the open doors of a wine bar as they passed. If

Liz let her mind drift, she could pretend she was on a date. She could

imagine being free to go wherever her feelings took her, to embrace

the joy and excitement of a new relationship. The euphoria lasted for

a few seconds, and then she remembered that she was far from free.

She had a commitment to something far more important than chasing

a dream that might never be. In a little more than six months she’d be

so busy juggling her work and the new baby, she wouldn’t have time

to think about her own needs, let alone those of another person and a

new relationship.

“What are you thinking about?” Reilly asked.

“Oh, nothing. Why? Was I muttering to myself? I have a tendency

to think out loud.”

“No mumbling, but you just sighed as if something made you

unhappy.”

Liz couldn’t believe Reilly was that sensitive to her mood. No

one else, except possibly Candace or Bren, had ever been able to see

beneath the surface of calm control she had perfected. She released

Reilly’s hand and slipped her arm round Reilly’s waist. Reilly put her

arm around Liz’s shoulders.

“I’m not unhappy,” Liz said. “I had a most amazing night. When

I’m with you, I tend to forget about everything that’s bothering me.”

“Is that bad?”

“No. It’s great.”

“Good.” Reilly kissed her temple. “I don’t remember the last time

I felt happy. I do, tonight.”

• 211 •

RADCLY fFE

“And that’s enough?”

“Why not?”

Liz pondered the question. Was it all right to be happy, if being

happy meant someone else might pay the price, even if they wanted to?

Was that fair? And just how high a price was unacceptable?

“What if tomorrow you’re unhappy because of tonight?” Liz

asked.

“Are you going to come to the game tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll be happy.”

Liz grabbed the waistband of Reilly’s jeans and dragged her into

the shadows cast by an awning in front of a grocery store that was

closed and gated for the night. Reilly let herself be pulled along, and

Liz backed her up against the wall. Then Liz leaned into her and kissed

her, seriously and thoroughly. She played with Reilly’s tongue and

sucked on her lower lip, taunting her with little nips before plunging

into her mouth again. Reilly gripped Liz’s ass and maneuvered Liz’s

thigh between her legs. Liz had started out wanting to taste her, but now

she wanted to devour her. She pushed her hand between their bodies

and squeezed Reilly’s crotch.

Reilly’s head banged back against the building, and she gripped

Liz’s wrist. “Don’t go there. I already can’t think.”

“Sorry,” Liz gasped, reluctantly moving her hand to the outside

of Reilly’s hip. She rested her forehead on Reilly’s shoulder. “I’m not

usually like this.”

“Like what?” Reilly’s chest rose and fell erratically.

“Like I can’t get enough. Like I want to climb inside your skin.

Like I’ve been cold forever and you’re the only promise of heat in the

universe.” Liz raised her head. “I sound crazy, don’t I? This can’t be

just me being pregnant, can it?”

“I hope that’s not it, because I’m feeling a lot the same myself.”

Reilly rubbed her hands up and down Liz’s back, then cupped her

ass again, keeping their bodies fused. “And I’m pretty sure I’m not

pregnant.”

Liz laughed. “Oh, thank God.”

“This morning when I saw Julia in your apartment—”

“God, I’m so sorry about that.”

“No, it’s okay. I understand.”

• 212 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I just didn’t want you to think—I hated that you might think I’d

been with her.”

Reilly kissed Liz, then held her a little more tightly. “I did think

that, when it looked like she’d been there all night. Part of me thought

that was a good thing. I can’t imagine anyone letting you go, and I

know you must have loved her.”

Liz murmured in protest, but she didn’t say anything, letting Reilly

talk.

“The other part of me didn’t want her to have a claim on you.

Didn’t want anyone to. I was having a pretty good running battle with

myself all morning, arguing both sides of things.”

Liz laughed a little shakily, and Reilly grinned.

“Yeah,” Reilly went on, “I was pretty much losing all the way

around. Anyhow, by the time I saw you on the street outside my

apartment this afternoon, I was just so damn glad to see you I didn’t care

about Julia. Those few hours with you in the car this afternoon were the

happiest I’ve spent in years. And tonight was beyond amazing.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life,” Liz said. “And I

don’t want you to get hurt.”

“When I thought you might be getting back with Julia, I was still

ready to take a chance. Stop trying to scare me away now.”

Liz wrapped her arms around Reilly’s neck and kissed her. “Maybe

I’m the one that’s scared.”

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t, a little bit.” Reilly stroked Liz’s

cheek. “But you don’t need to be afraid of me.”

“I know.” Liz eased away and gripped Reilly’s hand. Part of her

wanted to say more—part of her wanted to make promises and dream

dreams. But she held back, because she cared about Reilly. More than

cared. “You’ve got a game tomorrow, and I can’t take many more of

these late nights. Walk me to the door?”

“You bet.”

Liz kissed Reilly good night in front of her apartment building.

“See you tomorrow.”

Reilly backed up slowly until Liz had punched in the security code

and opened the door. Then she called, “Sleep well.”

Liz waved, watching until Reilly had rounded the corner and

disappeared. She wasn’t afraid of Reilly, but she was terrifi ed of what

she was beginning to feel for her.

• 213 •

RADCLY fFE

O

The room was larger than Bren expected, perhaps ten feet square,

and lit by red bulbs in four recessed lights, one in each corner. A

narrow leather and chrome chair, sans arms, occupied the center of the

room, facing the door. A bed, not much wider than a cot, was pushed

up against the rear wall and covered with a surprisingly crisp-looking

sheet. Otherwise, the space was empty. A small security camera hung

down from the ceiling, angled in such a way as to provide a view

of the entire room. Music, something with a fast pounding rhythm,

reverberated from speakers set into the side walls. Bren ignored the

bed and sat down in the chair, crossing her legs. Tonight, she’d worn

a short leather skirt, black silk blouse, heels, and nothing else. She felt

decidedly decadent, and she liked it.

The door opened and Jae walked in, still wearing her stage outfi t

of black leather vest and chaps, although the vest was unbuttoned and

barely covered her breasts. Her arms and stomach were tightly muscled,

and she looked altogether sexy and more than a little dangerous.

“What do you do in these rooms for women?” Bren asked as Jae

stood silently waiting.

“I dance.”

“And the bed?”

Jae kept her eyes on Bren’s face. “I only dance.”

“What if they want you to make them come?”

“Do you?”

Bren shook her head. “I’m asking the questions.”

“Sorry.”

“You said that earlier. Several times.”

“I know. You make me forget myself.”

“That’s not good,” Bren said. “Should I come back another time

when you’ll be able to pay better attention?”

“No. Please. I…if they want to come, I can make it happen when

I dance.”

“Do you touch them?” Bren pictured Jae teasing some faceless

woman the way Jae had teased her the night before, and she felt herself

grow rigid and wet.

“If they…” Jae’s voice broke and she seemed to struggle for breath.

Her hands opened and closed at her sides. “If they want me to.”

• 214 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“And then do they let you come?” Bren asked sharply, resenting

the strangers who took their pleasure in Jae’s body.

“Usually they don’t care.” Jae’s voice was strained. “And I don’t

usually want to.”

“But you want to tonight, don’t you?”

“Yes. Yes.”

“Take off your vest and cover that camera.”

Immediately, Jae pulled off her vest and draped it over the lens.

“Will anyone investigate?”

“No.”

“Good.” Bren uncrossed her legs, raised her hips, and slid her skirt

up until the hem just covered her crotch. “Then I’d like my dance.”

Jae turned and rapidly pushed buttons on a small panel beside the

door, and the music became slow and sensuous, with a heavy, rolling

bass beat. Then she strode to Bren and straddled the chair.

Bren leaned back and gripped Jae’s hips. “And tonight, I want you

all the way in my lap.”

Immediately, Jae lowered herself onto Bren, the bare skin on the

insides of her legs sliding along Bren’s naked thighs. Jae braced her

hands on Bren’s shoulders, undulating to the music, her breasts almost

brushing Bren’s face. Bren skimmed her hands over the leather chaps

and cupped Jae’s bare ass, massaging the taut muscles as they fl exed

and strained.

“You didn’t come on stage tonight, did you?”

“No,” Jae replied, her voice husky.

“But you wanted to, didn’t you?”

“No.”

“No?” Bren squeezed Jae’s ass and pulled her against her crotch.

Her leather skirt rode higher, exposing her center to the heat that

radiated from between Jae’s legs.

“No,” Jae said, her hips pumping harder. “You said I couldn’t.”

Bren smiled thinly. Her clit ached, and Jae’s breasts were so close.

Jae’s nipples were small hard stones in the center of smooth fl awless

fl esh, and Bren wanted them in her mouth. “Play with your nipples.”

Jae fondled her breasts and fi ngered her nipples, rolling and

tugging, her chest heaving as she writhed faster. Bren watched her face

contort with pleasure, and the pressure built between her legs.

“She made you wet.”

• 215 •

RADCLY fFE

“No,” Jae groaned, her body curling forward as her stomach

muscles clenched. “I imagined it was you. You touching me.”

Bren couldn’t help herself, she pumped upward, thrusting her

swollen clit against Jae’s wet sex. She needed to come so badly she was

going to lose control of the scene soon. “Stroke yourself.”

Jae pushed her hand between their bodies, cupping herself. Her

knuckles pressed into Bren’s clit.

“Remember,” Bren groaned, “your orgasm belongs to me.”

“Yes, Mistress,” Jae whispered, her hand circling between her

thighs, her forehead nearly touching Bren’s shoulder. She clutched

Bren’s arm, shuddering. “Oh.”

“No.” Bren had only intended to watch while Jae masturbated, but

she was so beautiful. She had to taste her. She sucked Jae’s nipple into

her mouth and pulled on it with her teeth.

Jae’s back bowed, and she ground her crotch against her own

hand. “Please may I come.”

Bren was close to exploding against the back of Jae’s fi ngers. She

had to let her come or she would. She took both Jae’s breasts in her

hands and squeezed. “What did you say?”

“Please, Mistress,” Jae moaned, “please…oh I’m going to…oh

please.”

“Yes,” Bren urged, raking her teeth along the side of Jae’s neck.

“Yes, come now.”

“Oh God,” Jae groaned, trembling as her breath shattered from her.

Bren held her tightly, her own need for release eclipsed by the

beauty of Jae’s pleasure. She stroked Jae’s sweat-soaked hair and

caressed her back, cradling her until the last tremors of her orgasm

rippled through her.

“Let me make you come,” Jae whispered, starting to pull away.

“Stay still,” Bren said, continuing to caress her. “What is your

name?”

“Jae.”

Bren tilted her head up. Jae’s eyes were cloudy, her mouth soft

with satisfaction. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Very sure.”

“Call me Brenda.”

“Brenda.” Jae skimmed her mouth over Bren’s ear. “Don’t you

want to come?”

• 216 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“I will. Later.” Bren tightened her fi ngers in Jae’s hair and pulled

her head back. She kissed her, slowly, savoring the smoothness and

heat of her mouth.

“Let me do it now,” Jae pleaded. “I want you so much.”

“Your clit’s still hard, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“You need to come again,” Bren stated.

“Yes.” Jae rolled her hips in Bren’s lap, bringing Bren to the edge

again.

“You’d love to suck me, wouldn’t you? And all the while you

licked me and teased me until I couldn’t hold back anymore and I came

in your mouth, you’d be making yourself come, too.”

“Please,” Jae groaned.

“You need to go now.” Bren gripped Jae’s ass and slowly licked

her way up Jae’s throat. She skimmed her teeth along the edge of her

jaw and kissed her one last time. “Good night, Jae.”

Jae caressed Bren’s cheek. “Will I see you again?”

“I don’t know.” Bren caught Jae’s wrist and held her arm still as

she kissed her palm, then bit the fl eshy muscle at the base of her thumb.

Jae sucked in her breath and moaned quietly. “Sometimes when a scene

is perfect, you can never write it the same way again.”

“May I ask you to do something?”

Surprised, Bren nodded.

“When you come, will you think of me?”

“I always do,” Bren whispered.

O

“Well?” Candace asked eagerly as soon as Bren rejoined her at the

bar. “What happened?”

“She danced.”

“And?”

“And it was even better than I thought it would be.”

“Did you…I mean did she…” Candace raised her hands helplessly.

“God, I can’t believe I’m asking you this. Did the dance have a satisfying

ending?”

Bren gave her an enigmatic smile. She couldn’t possibly explain,

because to say yes would make it sound so simple, when it had not

• 217 •

RADCLY fFE

been simple at all. What had mattered to her had not been the orgasms,

as wonderful as they were. Orgasms were not all that hard to achieve,

with a little negotiation. What was far more diffi cult to fi nd was a

woman who understood what it took to unlock her secrets and free her

passion.

“So far I’ve gotten everything I wanted for my birthday.” She took

Candace’s hand. “Ready to go home?”

“I’m ready to get laid and I still don’t have a date.”

“Nobody here strikes your fancy?”

“You do.”

The dead serious tone in Candace’s voice made Bren regard her

intently. “When you were with Liz, I was so jealous.”

“You wanted Liz, too, huh?”

“No, Cand. I wanted you.”

“Oh. Shit.” Candace sighed and looked around the room. There

were more than a few intriguing women, and a couple had been eyeing

her all night. Any other time she would have had no problem playing

with one. Or two. But she just didn’t have the desire for a mindless

fuck. “How many chances have I blown in my life, I wonder?”

“Maybe you haven’t blown anything,” Bren said gently. “Maybe

your chance hasn’t come yet.”

“Well, how the hell am I supposed to tell when it does?”

Bren thought about Jae. “She’ll be the one who makes you realize

no one else will do.”

“Oh fuck,” Candace whispered “I am so screwed.”

• 218 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTYFOUR

Liz stopped halfway up the slope to the ball fi eld and turned

when she heard someone calling her name. Smiling, she

waved to Bren. “Hey! I wasn’t sure you were coming. I called, but I

didn’t get an answer.”

“I was working,” Bren said, pulling even with Liz. She had been

writing since almost fi ve a.m. when she had awakened from a sound

sleep with an overwhelming need to write the next chapter in her almost

fi nished manuscript. She had been stuck for a few days, uncertain

of her direction. But now she realized exactly what her character

needed, and what she had been avoiding. Jae, her female James Bond

undercover agent, sex-stud extraordinaire character, couldn’t afford to

trust anyone. And because she couldn’t trust, she couldn’t give herself

to anyone. That was the true challenge that faced her character, and

Bren hadn’t been willing to take her where she needed to go because…

well, because every character was a little bit of the author. Sometimes,

more than just a little bit, and she hadn’t been ready to take that step,

in her work or her life.

Jae, her Jae, had seen both the character and the author for who

they were. Last night, she’d shown Bren what trust really meant in

the most basic, fundamental of ways. She has exposed herself—her

needs, her desires, her dreams. By doing so, Jae had opened the door to

possibility for Bren, in her body, in her work, in her life.

“Sorry,” Bren went on. “I took the phone off the hook. I do that

sometimes when the words are really fl owing.”

“You were writing?” Liz asked, still getting used to the idea that

her friend, the woman she had believed she knew so well, was also a

stranger. A stranger for whom she had an affection, perhaps even an

attraction, simply by virtue of having read what she had written. It was

confusing trying to reconcile her feelings for the real woman with the

image of her she had built in her mind.

• 219 •

RADCLY fFE

“Yes. I had a mini-breakthrough this morning.” As they started

walking back up the hill, Bren added, “I called you last night, too.

Candace and I decided to go out, but I couldn’t reach you. Early

night?”

Liz knew she was blushing. “No. I spent the evening with

Reilly.”

“Oh. How did that go?”

“It was really nice.”

“Liz! Bren! Wait up,” Candace called from across the fi eld.

“I guess I better hold the rest of the story until she gets here,” Liz

said.

Bren laughed. “You should if you want to survive the rest of the

afternoon. You know how she is about secrets.”

“What secrets?” Candace asked as she drew alongside them. “Now

what happened that I don’t know about?”

“Liz was just telling me that she spent the night with Reilly.”

Candace’s face went through a rapid-fi re sequence of expressions,

starting with surprise and ending with something between shock and

outrage. “You slept with her?”

“Don’t shout, Candace,” Liz murmured as several people nearby

turned in their direction with inquisitive looks. They were close enough

to the Angels’ sidelines now that she didn’t want Reilly’s teammates to

overhear their conversation. “I didn’t sleep with her. We just spent the

evening…talking.”

Bren smothered a smile.

“Talking. I don’t believe you,” Candace said, planting both hands

on her hips. “You know why? Because you have that ‘I’m a satisfi ed

woman’ look in your eyes. Just like Bren. Just like everyone, except

me.”

Liz raised an eyebrow at Bren. “Something you’d like to tell me,

Brenda?”

“You fi rst.”

“We talked and we made out a little bit. That’s all.”

Candace snorted. “Making out is something teenagers do. What

really happened?”

“We necked in the back seat of a car for three hours.” Laughing

at her friends’ expressions of disbelief, Liz explained about the fi re

escape.

• 220 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“You know,” Bren said, “that is really sexy.”

“It was,” Liz agreed.

“She didn’t try to get you into bed?” Candace asked skeptically.

Liz glanced over to the infi eld where Reilly and her teammates

were already warming up. Just at that moment, Reilly scanned the

sidelines, waving when she saw Liz. Liz smiled and waved back. If you

come to the game tomorrow, I’ll be happy. When Reilly had said that

the night before, Liz had been too busy worrying that she wasn’t at a

place in her life where she could offer Reilly anything beyond the here

and now to think about her own feelings. Now, seeing Reilly’s smile,

she was aware of being happy too. Watching Reilly dive for a ball and

come up to her knees with it in her glove, fl ushed and triumphant, made

Liz happy. The memory of the way Reilly had touched her, with such

gentle certainty, stirred her, and she wanted nothing more than to be

back on that fi re escape in Reilly’s arms.

“Liz?”

Liz jumped. “I’m sorry? What?”

“You spent hours kissing and she didn’t try to get you into bed?”

“No. I wanted her to, but she said no.”

Candace appeared at a loss for words. Bren regarded her

curiously.

“Why?”

“Why did I want her to, or why did she say no?”

Bren shot Reilly an appraising look. “I get the part where you’d

want to go to bed with her. She’s really really sexy.”

“Agreed,” Liz said, unable to hide her contented smile.

“So why do you think she said no?”

“Maybe because Liz is pregnant, and Reilly has better sense than

to take advantage of her screwed up hormones,” Candace muttered.

“You’ve never objected to me having sex before,” Liz pointed out,

regarding Candace sharply.

“You weren’t pregnant then. Things are different now. Besides,

you were never one to sleep around.”

“If I slept with Reilly,” Liz said gently, “it wouldn’t be sleeping

around. She’s special, and I care about her.”

Candace searched Liz’s face and nodded slowly. “Okay. You

really like her.”

“Yes.”

• 221 •

RADCLY fFE

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Liz smiled. “I know. But we all have to respect each other’s

choices, right?”

When Candace rolled her eyes, Bren poked her in the side and

said, “We’re not who we were when we met, and we aren’t likely to

stay the same forever. But we’ll always be friends, right?”

“Right,” Candace and Liz said immediately.

“So I vote that we trust each other to make the right choices, and

if we screw up, we don’t say I told you so.”

“Agreed,” Liz said.

“Deal,” Candace added. Then she looked at Liz. “So? Why didn’t

Saint Reilly want to go to bed with you?”

“Because she knew I wasn’t ready.”

Candace frowned. “But you said you wanted to.”

Liz wrapped her arm around Candace’s waist. “Wanting something

doesn’t mean it’s the right time to do it.”

“I’ve always fi gured if I did what I wanted, when I wanted to, at

least I wouldn’t have any regrets about what I’d missed.”

“That works for some people.”

Candace watched Parker settle onto the bench on the opposite side

of the fi eld. A busty blonde in a sports bra and short shorts plastered

herself to Parker’s back and began to massage Parker’s shoulders. “It

hasn’t been working for me lately.”

Liz followed her gaze. “Why her, do you think?”

“Why her what?”

“Why can’t you forget her?”

“Because, God damn it,” Candace said in a low, tortured voice, “I

can still hear her saying my name when she comes.”

“That sounds serious.”

“You have no idea.”

O

Reilly ran up to Liz at the sidelines just before the fi rst inning was

about to begin. She had to stop herself from catching Liz in her arms

and kissing her hello. Instead, she made do with grasping her hand.

“Hi. I’m glad you could make it.”

“I said I would, didn’t I.”

• 222 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

Reilly grinned. “You did. Sleep okay?”

Liz glanced around. Bren leaned against the corner of the

backstop, a distant expression on her face as she scanned the groups of

women gathered about or passing by on their way to the other fi elds.

Candace slouched on the Angels’ bench, her hands braced on either

side of her body, her legs slightly parted. In her halter top and skintight

shorts, blond hair tangled around her shoulders, and her body an open

invitation, she looked like a young Marilyn Monroe—ripe and luscious

and ready. Satisfi ed that no one could overhear, Liz said, “I had a little

trouble getting to sleep.”

“Oh?”

“I kept thinking about kissing you.”

“Oh.”

“How did you sleep?” Liz asked after a moment of silence.

Reilly glanced away.

“What?” Liz asked, suddenly anxious that Reilly regretted what

had happened between them. She should have expected that Reilly

would begin to analyze the situation and realize that a woman with a

baby on the way was more than she wanted to take on, even casually.

And she must be thinking about Annie. She’d said she hadn’t wanted

a baby with Annie, and she’d loved Annie. “Last night doesn’t have to

mean anything, Reilly. You’re not obligated to me in any way. You—”

“Liz,” Reilly said quietly. “Last night meant something to me. It

meant a lot.”

Liz stared. “It would probably be better if I didn’t try to read your

mind, wouldn’t it?”

Reilly smiled. “My mind’s not very complicated.”

Liz touched her face. “That is so not true.”

“I couldn’t sleep because I missed holding you,” Reilly said. “I

haven’t wanted to hold a woman all night long for years.”

“You say the most beautiful things.”

“I—”

“Hey, Reilly,” Sean called. “Are you planning to play ball

sometime tonight?”

Reilly glanced over her shoulder. Her team was at bat and she

needed to get her head in the game. She shrugged apologetically. “I

need to go.”

“I know. Big game, right?”

• 223 •

RADCLY fFE

Reilly grinned. “If we beat Parker’s team tonight, they’re out of

the playoffs.”

“Oh, this is serious then.” Liz looked over Reilly’s shoulder and

frowned. Candace had disappeared. When she checked for Parker, she

was gone too.

Reilly released Liz’s hand. “Will you stay? Meet me later?”

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving,” Liz answered. “And yes, I want to

see you later.”

“There was another reason I couldn’t sleep last night,” Reilly said

as she backed away.

“What?” Liz said, following her to the bench.

Reilly grabbed her bat. Then she kissed Liz quickly. “I wanted you

so much I couldn’t settle down enough to sleep.”

Before Liz could catch her breath to reply, Reilly ran to join her

team. Suddenly weak-kneed, she sank down onto the bench. A minute

later, Bren sat beside her.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Fine.”

“It’s really hot. Do you need something to drink?”

Liz rested her hand on Bren’s thigh. “I’m really fi ne. To tell you

the truth, Reilly takes my breath away.”

Bren smiled. “That’s wonderful news. I like the way she looks at

you.”

“How do you mean?”

“Like you’re precious.”

Liz bit her lip, mortifi ed to feel tears welling in her eyes. “You

can’t imagine how tender she is.”

“Good. You deserve it.”

“How about you? Are you all right?”

Bren frowned. “Of course. Why?”

“You never fi nished saying what you did last night.”

“We went back to the Blue Diamond.”

“And?”

“I had sex with Jae.”

“Well. That’s news.” Liz leaned closer. “At the bar?”

Bren nodded. “Lap dance.”

“Oh my God. Bren. You amaze me.”

“What surprised me,” Bren said, “is that it felt completely right.”

• 224 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“And is that it? One time and it’s over, or will you see her

again?”

“I don’t know. I’m used to compartmentalizing my life. I’m not

sure that I want to change that.”

Liz gave that some thought. “How is it for you to be sharing all

these things with Candace and me that you’ve kept secret for so long?

Is it okay?”

“I realized that part of the reason I kept things a secret from you

is because I was keeping things from myself, too. I told myself that I

didn’t tell you about my writing because it was a special secret, like a

private place I kept my dreams and…fantasies. My secret garden.”

“I understand that.”

“But that wasn’t the real reason,” Bren confessed. “I didn’t tell

you because there were parts of my life I wasn’t ready to examine. I

kept them separate and only let them come out in my writing. Melanie

Richards wrote those books and she had those feelings, not me. I felt

safer when Melanie and everything Melanie wanted only existed in one

corner of my world.”

“But now, Melanie has come out?”

Bren laughed. “Exploded out, is more like it. I still don’t quite

understand everything that’s happening, but I feel excited about my life

for the fi rst time in a long time.”

Liz took Bren’s hand. “It seems all three of us are headed for

adventure.”

O

“You’re not playing tonight are you?” Candace asked, intercepting

Parker as she sauntered back to the bench from the adjoining fi eld.

“I’m going to pitch the second half, or sooner if Reilly’s team gets

lucky and scores off Jill.”

Candace checked the fi eld and saw the Daisy Mae character who’d

been hanging all over Parker head to the pitcher’s mound. “You can’t

be serious. She plays softball?”

“She’s a barracuda on the mound.” Parker laughed. “And

elsewhere.”

Automatically checking Parker’s neck, Candace was relieved to

see no telltale signs of a passionate night. “Your eye is still so swollen

• 225 •

RADCLY fFE

you can barely keep it open. If you can’t see out there, you can’t protect

yourself.”

“Worried about me?” Parker asked.

“I don’t want to spend another Sunday night in the emergency

room.”

Parker frowned. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t expect you to.”

When Parker started to turn away, Candace gripped her arm.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Parker bent her head close to Candace’s, kissing close. “Are you

saying you care about me?”

Candace panicked. Part of the reason she didn’t do relationships

was for exactly this reason. It got complicated. Women wanted to make

more out of sex than it was. Why couldn’t two people just have a nice,

simple, physical relationship that was exciting and satisfying? Why

couldn’t that be enough? Why did it have to be about feelings. She

backed up a step.

“Don’t get carried away,” Candace said. “If you get hit in the

face again, you’ll be worthless in bed, and I wouldn’t mind a repeat. It

worked out the last time.”

Parker’s eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened. “So what, I’m just

a good fuck?”

“Oh no,” Candace said, dropping her eyes down Parker’s body

and back up to her face in a slow, appreciative appraisal. “You’re a

great fuck.”

Parker kissed her lightly on the mouth. “So’s Jill, and a couple

dozen other girls hanging around here. Take your pick.”

“What? You’re suddenly going to play hard to get?” Candace was

angry, and she had no idea why.

“Nope. The only game I’m playing from now on is softball.” She

kissed Candace again, slowly this time, and ran her fi ngers through

Candace’s hair. Then she brushed her mouth over Candace’s ear. “Next

time, ask me out on a date.”

Candace watched her walk away and wanted to call after her that

that would be the day when she chased after a woman. But she didn’t,

because she wasn’t so sure that was true any longer.

• 226 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTYFIVE

Strike three!” the ump shouted, and Reilly’s team swarmed the

pitcher’s mound. Liz lost sight of Reilly in the melee and just

clapped along with everyone else. She wasn’t happy to see Parker’s

team lose, but she was delighted that Reilly’s won.

“Are you going to wait around for the victorious hordes to get

done celebrating?” Candace asked, scanning the fi eld. She couldn’t see

Parker, and she suspected that Bimbo Barbie or one of the other blondes

had already dragged her off somewhere.

“I told Reilly I’d wait for her,” Liz said.

“Like a date?”

“Well, more or less, yes.” Liz smiled shyly. “I wouldn’t mind

spending some time alone with her.”

“Understatement,” Bren muttered.

“What about you?” Candace inquired of Bren. “Got plans?”

“Not really. I have early meetings at the library tomorrow, and I

have some writing to fi nish tonight.”

Candace gave her the eye. “All these years I thought you were

home reading, and you were really home writing.”

“I’ve really been home doing both.”

“I guess you’re not going to let me read it before it’s done, huh?”

Candace asked hopefully.

“I’m going to post an excerpt on the website this week.” Bren

paused, and Candace leaned forward expectantly. “I’ll email it to you

the day before so you can have a sneak preview.”

“I think I’m over being mad at you now,” Candace said.

“Melanie. ”

“Good.” Bren collected her empty soda can and waved goodbye to

Liz and Candace. “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch?”

“I’ll be there,” Liz said.

• 227 •

RADCLY fFE

“Hurry up and fi nish the book,” Candace called.

“Where’s Parker?” Liz asked, searching the fi eld. Reilly was

slapping Sean on the back just as a gorgeous androgynous blonde

joined them and put her arm around Sean.

“Probably deep-throating the pitcher in a car somewhere.”

“Who? Oh…the blonde with the, uh, breasts who pitched the fi rst

half of the game?”

“That’s the one.” Candace frowned. “Parker seems to have a never

ending supply of them.”

“You sound jealous.” Liz gave Candace a quick hug. “And believe

me, you have nothing to worry about. Parker’s just playing with

them.”

“That’s all she’s been doing with me, too.”

“I don’t think so. When she showed up at the Blue Diamond the

other night, the only thing she wanted was to be with you. Of course she

was a little too incapacitated to make that clear.”

“She seems to have gotten over that.”

“Candace, sweetie, you went home with someone else that night,

remember?”

Candace sighed and looked away. “All right, not one of my better

decisions.”

“Why don’t you just tell Parker that you’re interested in her?”

“I did.”

“Let me guess,” Liz said. “I bet you told her you wanted to go to

bed with her, didn’t you?”

“Well, yes. What’s your point?”

Liz shook her head. “You know what the point is. When it really

matters, it’s about more than sex.”

“Excuse me, but weren’t you the one who was just talking about

wanting to get it on with Reilly last night?”

“Damn right. And I still do.” Liz checked on Reilly’s progress.

The two teams had lined up and were passing side by side, shaking

hands and congratulating each other. Reilly was fl ushed and exuberant.

Happiness looked good on her. “But I want a lot of other things too. I

want to know what makes her smile, and what she dreams about, and

what she likes to do on rainy afternoons. For starters.”

Candace regarded her without expression. “You’re falling for

her.”

• 228 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Maybe. Yes.”

“You know I love you, right?”

“I know.”

“Do you think it’s smart,” Candace said, “considering

everything?”

“I don’t know. I’m not certain that thinking about it is going to

give me any answers. When I’m with her, things seem clearer.”

Candace took a deep breath and tipped her chin toward the players.

“Then you should go get her.”

“Thanks. I think I will.” Liz squeezed Candace’s hand. “Are you

going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fi ne. I’ve got a desk full of work at home. The only thing I

like as much as women is money. I think I’ll go make some.”

Liz knew that wasn’t true, but she respected Candace’s defenses.

She had plenty of her own. She kissed her cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

“Have fun. I mean that.”

“Hey,” Liz said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I’ll be fi ne. All I need is a woman to take my mind off my

troubles. I’d look for one tonight, but I think I’m going to swear off

softball players for the rest of the summer.” Candace smiled wryly.

“Night, darlin.’”

“Night.” Liz watched Candace stride down the slope, lithe and

graceful and effortlessly seductive. She might wish she’d sworn off

softball players, but Liz doubted it was true.

O

Reilly extricated herself from the throng and worked her way

through the enthusiastic crowd to the sidelines were Liz waited. When

she wiped her face on her sleeve, she left behind a streak of sweat and

dust.

“Congratulations!” Liz called, hurrying toward her.

Reilly held out both hands to stop her. “I’d give you a hug, but I’m

fi lthy. It was that slide into home that did it.”

Liz frowned and touched Reilly’s jaw with one fi nger. “You’ve

got a scrape here too. That needs to be cleaned up.”

“If you can wait to eat,” Reilly said, “I’ll go home and shower and

then maybe we can have dinner?”

• 229 •

RADCLY fFE

“Why don’t you come over to my place? We’ll get your face taken

care of, and then you can jump in the shower while I cook us something

for dinner.”

“I don’t think you should cook,” Reilly said fi rmly. “It’s Sunday

night and you’ve had two late nights in a row. You should relax.”

“All right,” Liz said softly, surprised all over again by Reilly’s

care. She’d gotten used to a solitary existence, even when she and Julia

had still been a couple. Their schedules were so different they rarely ate

together, went to bed together, or got up at the same time. “Then come

to my apartment now. I’ll order Thai delivery from the car. By the time

you’re done with a shower, dinner will be ready.”

Reilly grinned. “You’ve got a deal. I’ll follow you.”

Twenty minutes later, Liz waited in the lobby while Reilly parked.

Then she buzzed her in and they rode the elevator up to her condo.

“Hopefully you won’t have any unexpected visitors,” Reilly

commented as Liz slid her key into the lock.

“She’s not going to be here,” Liz said.

“Even if she is,” Reilly said, “I’m not leaving.”

“Good, because I don’t want you to.” Liz held the door for Reilly,

then gestured for her to follow. “The guest bathroom is down here. I’ll

leave a T-shirt and sweatpants in the adjoining bedroom. When you’re

ready, call me and I’ll put some antiseptic on those cuts.”

“Thanks,” Reilly said.

Liz hesitated when they reach the bathroom. They hadn’t touched

since they’d left the softball fi eld, and she very much wanted to touch

her. Remembering the way she’d felt last night, and how diffi cult it

had been to stop touching her, she resisted. Awkwardly, she backed

away. “Well, the food should be here any second. Call me. When you’re

done.”

“Okay.”

As soon as Reilly shut the door, Liz had the overwhelming urge to

join her in the shower. To keep her mind off how good Reilly looked in

gym shorts and a tight T-shirt, and how much better she’d look without

them, she hurried into the living room to clear the coffee table and wait

for the food delivery.

She didn’t have long to wait. When one of the regular delivery

guys buzzed the apartment, she told him to come up and met him at

the door.

• 230 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Thanks, Kenny,” she said, handing him two twenties. “Keep the

change.”

Juggling the bags, she pushed the door closed with her foot and

turned toward the kitchen. When she saw Reilly standing at the end of

the hall in nothing but a bath towel, she almost dropped the food.

“There weren’t any clothes in the bedroom,” Reilly said

apologetically.

Reilly’s hair was damp, and the towel didn’t cover much of her.

While her arms and legs were muscular, her upper chest appeared

surprisingly pale and soft. The slight swell of breasts beneath the towel

started an ache in the pit of Liz’s stomach. Liz’s throat was dry and she

had to swallow several times before she could speak. “I forgot to put

them out.”

“Here,” Reilly said, closing the distance between them. “Let me

take those bags.”

Liz backed up until her back hit the door. “I’ve got them.”

Reilly stopped, frowning. “What’s the matter?”

“You. You’re the matter.”

“What have I done?” Reilly asked, panic streaking across her

features.

“Either you really don’t know how sexy you are, or you’re a

terrible tease.”

“Oh.” Reilly looked down. The towel gaped at the bottom,

revealing a lot of thigh and almost quite a bit more. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Liz murmured. “I’m enjoying the view.”

“Uh, clothes?”

“Let me put the food in the kitchen, and I’ll meet you in the guest

room.”

Reilly nodded and disappeared down the hall. Liz took a shaky

breath and carried the food into the kitchen. After collecting a T-shirt

and sweatpants from her bedroom, she continued to the guest room.

“Here you go.” Liz stepped into the room and held out the

clothes.

Reilly stood by the side of the bed, still wearing the towel. She

extended one arm. “Thanks.”

“I’m going to put these down on the fl oor and leave now.” Liz set

the bundle down.

“What’s wrong?”

• 231 •

RADCLY fFE

“Nothing,” Liz said quickly. “But if I come within two feet of you,

I’m going to forget every single reason I have for not going to bed with

you.” She laughed unsteadily. “God, you’re so gorgeous.”

Reilly grinned. “Could you remind me again what the reasons

are?”

“My life isn’t exactly my own these days, Reilly,” Liz said gently.

“I wish I could be like Candace, and enjoy a woman for a few hours or

a few days, and know that we both would come away satisfi ed.”

“Is that what you want? Easy sex, no strings attached?”

Liz knew she should say yes. There was nothing wrong with it. It

was the smartest course of action right now. And why not have pleasant,

wild, wonderful sex with someone she enjoyed, rather than a stranger.

She wanted Reilly. She knew Reilly wanted her. She could see it in her

eyes. She felt it in the way Reilly had kissed her the night before. Why

did it have to be anything more than that?

“Yes.”

Reilly skirted around the clothes on the fl oor and stopped in front

of Liz. She loosened the towel and let it fall. Liz backed up and her back

hit a door yet again. She glanced down between them, then quickly

averted her gaze. Reilly’s naked body was sculpted and fi rm. Strong

and quintessentially female.

“Easy sex, no strings. That’s a place to start.” Reilly braced her

arms on the door on either side of Liz’s shoulders and slowly leaned

against her. She kissed Liz’s throat, then her mouth.

Reilly’s skin was cool and damp against Liz’s bare thighs. Her

mouth was soft, her tongue warm and silky. Liz ran her hands over

Reilly’s back, feeling the muscles ripple beneath her fi ngertips.

Breathless, Liz murmured in surprise when Reilly dropped to her knees.

Startled to realize her legs were shaking, Liz steadied herself with a

hand on Reilly’s shoulder and watched Reilly tug her blouse from her

shorts. She was no stranger to sex, even though it had been awhile, but

everything she felt, everything Reilly did, seemed new.

“Oh,” Liz breathed when Reilly kissed her stomach. She could

see now the swelling below her navel that had never been there before.

Reilly framed the area with her hands and kissed her above the spot

where the fetus grew. The caress was reverent and tender. Liz sensed

her clitoris lengthen and throb, and she moaned quietly.

• 232 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Are you all right?” Reilly glanced up as she eased Liz’s shorts

and panties down.

“Yes, but my legs are a little untrustworthy.”

“I’ve got you.” Reilly smiled. “Lift your foot. Now the other.”

Liz complied and Reilly guided her free of her clothing.

And just like that, she was half nude. Liz thought fl eetingly that

she should probably be embarrassed, but she wasn’t. The way Reilly

looked at her, the way she touched her, made her feel so wanted. More

than that, it made her feel beautiful and desirable and right now, she

wanted to give Reilly anything she needed.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Reilly whispered.

“Oh, no. No, no.” Liz drew strands of Reilly’s hair through her

fi ngers and closed her eyes slowly as Reilly’s warm breath surrounded

her. The fi rst glancing caress of Reilly’s tongue sent a shiver through

her. The glide of Reilly’s lips, gentle and hot, made the muscles on the

insides of her thighs quiver and jump. When Reilly sucked, she felt the

storm rise within, a gathering force too strong and swift to be denied for

very long. “Reilly, stop. Stop please.”

Immediately, Reilly rose and pulled Liz close. “What is it? Does

something hurt?”

Liz clung to her, struggling for words. “I’m going to come. Any

second, and I want you to be holding me when I do.”

“Let’s lie down,” Reilly said, her arm around Liz’s waist. She

guided her to the bed and unbuttoned her blouse. She removed it, and

Liz’s bra, and stretched out on the bed, bringing Liz with her. Then, as

they faced each other, their bodies touching, she eased her arm behind

Liz’s shoulders and held her. Then, she reached down to slip her fi ngers

between Liz’s thighs.

“Oh,” Liz gasped, arching into Reilly’s embrace. “That’s…

you’re…wonderful.”

Reilly dipped her head, catching a blood-fl ushed nipple in her

mouth. She sucked rhythmically, in time with her long, fi rm strokes

over Liz’s heated fl esh. When Liz cried out, her body trembling, Reilly

held her breath to absorb every note of pleasure, to memorize every

tremor of release. Her own body felt wound so tight she feared she

might shatter.

Liz covered Reilly’s hand, stilling her motion but keeping Reilly’s

• 233 •

RADCLY fFE

fi ngers pressed tightly to her slowly pulsing fl esh. She felt so vulnerable,

so open and unprotected, that she needed Reilly’s touch to ensure that

she wasn’t adrift, alone and unanchored in some endless star-fi lled sky.

“Don’t go,” Liz whispered.

“No,” Reilly answered, kissing her forehead, and her mouth. “I

won’t.” Reilly fumbled beside them, found the edge of the comforter,

and pulled it over them. “Are you all right?”

Liz burrowed her face in the curve of Reilly’s neck. “I’m not sure.

I’ve never had an orgasm like that.”

Reilly held her more tightly. She had been so afraid of hurting her,

and she had tried to be gentle. She was sick with worry that she’d done

something wrong. “Are you having cramps? Pain of any kind?”

“What?” Fuzzy-headed, Liz pulled away and searched Reilly’s

face, instantly seeing the anxiety in her eyes. “Oh no. Baby, no.” She

kissed Reilly, hard and deep, sliding one thigh between Reilly’s legs.

Reilly let herself be pushed onto her back and Liz rolled on top of her.

Liz framed Reilly’s face and ran her thumbs over Reilly’s cheekbones,

smoothing away the frown lines. “I feel incredible. Amazing. I feel like

I came with my soul, not just my body.”

“Are you sure?”

“God yes. I’m fi ne. Fabulous.” Liz slid off to one side and propped

her chin in her hand. Lazily, she trailed her fi ngers over Reilly’s

stomach, smiling with satisfaction at Reilly’s sharp intake of breath

and the tightening of her abdominal muscles. “I haven’t had a lot of

orgasms lately, but I remember exactly how they feel.” She leaned over

and kissed Reilly, inching her fi ngers lower, stopping just at the top of

the delta between her thighs. “And this one was like nothing I’ve ever

felt before.”

“Maybe,” Reilly said, her voice husky, “it’s different because…

you’re pregnant.”

“Maybe. And maybe not.” Liz delicately licked Reilly’s nipple and

laughed as Reilly’s body quivered like a bowstring. “You like that?”

“Yes.”

“What else do you like?”

“I like it when you’re on top of me.”

“Mmm,” Liz murmured. “I like that too.” She circled her fi ngertips

against the base of Reilly’s clitoris. Reilly moaned. “You like this

too?”

• 234 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Very much.”

Liz nestled into the curve of Reilly’s body and settled her cheek

against Reilly’s chest. “I want to listen to your heartbeat while you

come.”

Reilly caressed Liz’s back. “You can have anything you want.”

Somewhere deep in her consciousness, Liz knew this was true.

Reilly would give her whatever she asked for, and take as little or as

much as she offered. Reilly had given her the one thing she’d never

had with Julia—complete and utter honesty. Liz didn’t know if that

frightened her or exhilarated her. But right at this moment, the only

thing she wanted was to give Reilly the pleasure that Reilly had given

her. She wanted to be as close to Reilly as she could be, with no doubts

or fears or uncertain tomorrows between them. She wanted this perfect

moment, and she believed that she deserved it. That Reilly deserved

it. The morning would be time enough for questions and reason and

rationalization. Right now, the truth existed for her only in the pure,

unselfi sh beat of Reilly’s heart.

“I want to give you what you gave me,” Liz whispered, slipping

inside her. “Let me please you.”

Eyes closed, Reilly stroked Liz’s hair and opened herself to Liz’s

passion. And when she could hold no more, she spilled over, crying out

Liz’s name.

• 235 •

• 236 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Liz opened her eyes in the dark quiet bedroom and tried to

identify the sound that had awakened her. Reilly spooned

behind her, her arm around Liz’s waist. Liz covered Reilly’s hand where

it rested against her lower abdomen, liking the possessive way Reilly

held her. Then she stiffened as she heard a strange tapping again, as if

someone were trying to get in the window. However, considering her

apartment was quite a few stories above street level, the only possible

visitor would be Spiderman.

“What’s wrong? Reilly mumbled, kissing the back of Liz’s

shoulder.

“There’s something…thumping.”

“Beeper.” With a sigh, Reilly rolled away and stumbled from the

bed toward the bathroom. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Liz said, sitting up. “God, it’s three thirty in the

morning. Who would call now?”

“I’m backup.” Reilly located her beeper on the shelf above the sink

and checked the readout, although she didn’t have to. There would be

only one place trying to reach her at this hour. “Can I use your phone?

I left my cell in my glove compartment.”

“Of course.” Liz snapped on the bedside lamp and blinked against

the glare. Then she stared. Reilly was naked. And gorgeous. Liz’s body

went to full alert.

Reilly sat down next to her and punched in numbers. A moment

later, she said, “This is Dr. Danvers. The trauma unit is looking for

me.”

Liz stroked Reilly’s back and listened to the one-sided conversation

while Reilly asked terse questions. She still couldn’t quite believe that

she had woken up in Reilly’s arms. Or that she’d fallen asleep holding

her. When she realized Reilly was about to leave, she wanted to wrap

her arms around her and keep her there forever. She feared the morning.

• 237 •

RADCLY fFE

She feared the rational light of day. She feared that Reilly would be

sorry. She wondered why she wasn’t, and worried if she should be.

Reilly hung up the phone, lifted the sheets, and slid underneath.

She pulled Liz into her arms and kissed her. “When I was a brand

new resident, the fi rst night my chief resident left me alone on call he

said two things to me. The fi rst was, ‘Call me if you need anything.’

The second was the mantra, ‘Remember, to call for help is a sign of

weakness.’”

“Did you ever call for help?” Liz brushed the hair back from

Reilly’s forehead and fi t her leg between Reilly’s. Reilly’s hips lifted as

if to welcome her, and her pulse soared.

“Damn right I did. Pride has no place when lives are at stake.”

Reilly kissed Liz again. “Or love.”

Liz caught her breath. Her skin was on fi re and her body was

melting. “Do you have to go?”

“One of my partners just informed me that patients are stacking up

like cordwood. They just opened a second OR room for me.”

“Are you all right? Tired?”

Reilly grinned. “I feel great.” She nuzzled Liz’s neck. “If I didn’t

have two open tibias and a shattered shoulder to deal with, I’d show

you just how not tired I am.” She groaned softly. “God, you feel so

good.”

“What I said earlier,” Liz said, “about casual and no strings?”

Reilly grew still. “Yes?”

“I said what I thought I should be feeling. It wasn’t really what I

wanted to say.”

“What did you want to say?”

“I wanted to tell you that I’ve never felt so safe with anyone before.

I’ve never felt as wanted. I’ve never been this excited by anyone’s

touch.”

“From the day we met,” Reilly said, “I haven’t been able to think

of anything except you.”

“I think I might already be past casual, and I’m a little afraid of

what that means.”

Reilly caressed Liz’s cheek. “What are you afraid of?”

Liz marveled at how easy Reilly made it for her to voice her

uncertainties. She trusted Reilly not only to listen, but to tell her the

truth. Even if the truth would shatter the dreams she was just daring to

• 238 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

imagine. “I’m afraid you’ll change your mind about seeing me—that

maybe you won’t want me when I’m a lot more pregnant than I am

now.”

“Why do you think that?” Reilly asked gently.

“You said you didn’t want children with Annie, and you were in a

relationship…in love with her. We’re nowhere near that stage and—”

“Liz,” Reilly whispered, “you’re not Annie.”

“We need to talk about her,” Liz said.

“I know. I—” Reilly cursed under her breath when her beeper

went off again.

“It’s okay. Answer it.”

“That’s the OR telling me they’re bringing the patient up. I’ll call

them from the car. I have to go. I’m sorry.”

“No. Go. We’ll talk later.”

Reilly jumped from bed and pulled on the sweatpants and T-shirt

Liz had offered her earlier. “I’ve got a full load in the OR tomorrow,

and tomorrow night is Sean’s black belt test. I’ll be going right to the

dojang from the hospital. Then Tuesday night I’m on fi rst call.” She ran

her hand through her hair in frustration. “I’ll call you the minute I have

a chance. We’ll talk. I promise.”

“I understand. I’m swamped at work too.” Liz got out of bed and

found her blouse in the jumble of clothes on the fl oor. Trying to sound

casual, she said, “Don’t worry if you can’t call. How about Friday

night? Maybe dinner?”

“That sounds great, but Friday’s a long ways away.” Reilly strode

to Liz and pushed both hands into Liz’s hair, cradling her head as she

kissed her. “Too long.”

Liz smoothed her hands over Reilly’s shoulders, wanting to pull

her back to the bed. “I don’t mind if you drop by for a quickie before

then.”

Reilly grinned. “So it’s all about the sex, huh?”

“Absolutely. Is there anything else?”

“Oh yeah,” Reilly whispered, holding Liz tightly. “A whole lot

more.”

“Then I’ll see you Friday.” Liz kissed the tip of Reilly’s chin.

“Besides, a little anticipation is a good thing.”

O

• 239 •

RADCLY fFE

By Thursday, Liz knew she was in trouble. Her concentration was

terrible. Every fi fteen or twenty minutes while pretending to work at

her desk, she glanced at the clock, wondering what Reilly was doing.

If the phone rang, she lunged for it only to be disappointed when it

was her secretary reminding her of a meeting that she had invariably

forgotten about. The two times Reilly managed to call her, their brief

conversations had left her both exhilarated and frustrated. She felt

slightly crazed. The sound of Reilly’s voice over the phone aroused

her. She kept remembering how unbelievably good Reilly’s mouth felt

on her.

“That’s it,” Liz muttered, tossing aside the case fi le she had been

reviewing. She still had an hour before lunch with Candace and Bren,

but she had to get up and walk around. If she stayed at her desk thinking

about making love with Reilly, she’d be too physically uncomfortable

to get any more work done anyhow. A walk from her offi ce on Market

Street across campus to the tavern would do her good.

Forty minutes later she was hungry and ready to see her friends.

She still longed for a glimpse of Reilly, though, and fi nally admitted

that even one more day was just too damn far away. She called Reilly’s

cell and went to voice mail.

“I know you’re probably in the OR all day, but please come by the

apartment tonight if you can. I miss you.”

Just as she crossed the street to the restaurant, her cell rang and

she snatched it off her belt, hoping Reilly had gotten her message.

“Hello?”

“Good,” Julia said, “I fi nally caught you between court and

meetings. Let’s have lunch.”

Liz stopped on the sidewalk and closed her eyes. Taking a deep

breath, she said in what she hoped was a reasonable voice, “I’m sorry.

That’s not possible.”

“I can pick you up in half an hour. I’ve got reservations at

Nightingale’s. They’re holding a private table for us so we can talk.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about. You should have received

the signed documents on the condo and—”

“I moved out of her apartment Saturday afternoon. I’ve been

staying in a hotel.”

Liz felt nothing at the announcement. “I don’t see—”

“I want to move home. I know you’re angry—”

• 240 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“You’re not moving home. It’s not our home anymore.” Liz sighed

and started walking again. “And I’m not angry. I’m sad. I’m sad and

I’m tired and I don’t have anything else to say.”

“I do. I have things to say. I want to apologize, and I want you to

listen to reason. You’ve always been reasonable.”

“I’m sorry, Julia,” Liz said, as she slowed outside the tavern.

Candace smiled and waved to her through the window. Bren, who sat

across from her in her usual place, mouthed hello. The familiarity of the

moment warmed her. “I’ve already got lunch plans. Goodbye.”

Liz closed her cell phone, pushed through the doors, and made her

way to the booth. “God, it’s good to see you two.”

“It’s only been three days,” Candace pointed out. “Missed you, too.”

“It feels like three years,” Liz said.

“Trouble?” Bren asked. “You looked upset on the phone.”

“That was Julia.” Liz nodded to the waitress and gave her her

order without looking at the menu.

“What did super bitch want?” Candace snarled.

“To move home. Can you believe that?” Liz noticed that Candace

wore jeans and a T-shirt, and not her usual power suit. She was also

drinking what looked like iced tea. Liz wondered if she was mellowing

or just not awake yet.

“Actually,” Bren said, “I can believe it. I’m surprised it took her

this long.”

“To do what?” Candace asked.

“Come to her senses.” Bren took a bite of her turkey club. “I would

have given her new romance about six weeks to fi zzle.”

“I think for the fi rst six months it was too hot for that,” Liz said,

noting with satisfaction that it didn’t bother her any longer to think of

Julia and some young college kid rolling around in a dorm room or

hotel or wherever they had been trysting. Wherever and whatever, she

just didn’t care. “At any rate, I told her no.”

“Well,” Candace huffed, “I should think so.”

“Does this have anything to do with Reilly?” Bren asked.

Liz thought about it. “Yes and no. If I hadn’t met Reilly, I still

wouldn’t want Julia to come back. It’s wrong for me, it’s wrong for the

baby—hell, it’s even wrong for Julia.”

“Julia is an ungrateful bitch who never deserved you,” Candace

stated.

• 241 •

RADCLY fFE

Liz reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Thank

you.”

“So what about Reilly?” Candace said, examining Liz intently.

“Reilly is still something of a question mark,” Liz said slowly.

“We haven’t talked about some really important things.” She patted her

stomach. “Like this, for example.”

“But,” Bren said, “you have been doing a little more than talking,

haven’t you?”

Liz felt her face fl ush. “Does it show?”

Bren laughed. “It’s been showing even before you did anything

about it.”

“You slept with her,” Candace said, making it a statement and not

a question.

“I did.” Liz grinned. “I most defi nitely did.”

Candace drained her iced tea and carefully set the empty glass

down. “Well, good for you.”

“Ditto,” Bren added.

“Thank you,” Liz said, looking from one to the other. “You’re not

going to lecture me?”

Candace rolled her eyes. “Like it would make a difference.”

“It might.” Liz twirled the straw in her drink.

“No, it wouldn’t,” Candace and Bren said together.

“No, it wouldn’t,” Liz agreed.

“Well,” Candace said. “Tell us. She has got to be at least as good

as she looks.”

“I…” A montage of images raced through Liz’s mind. Kisses,

touches, whispered murmurs of pleasure. Reilly’s hands, her mouth,

her body moving against Liz’s. Waking to the heat of Reilly’s skin, to

the softness of Reilly’s breasts against her back, to the gentle sigh of her

breath. “She’s beautiful.”

Candace, her blue eyes wide and dark, stared at Liz. “I’ve never

seen you look like this before.”

“Like what?”

“Like you were in love.”

“Oh, no, that’s not it,” Liz said hastily. Love was such a big word,

such a life-changing emotion. She wasn’t sure she could handle that

and all that was in store for her with the baby, too. And what about

Reilly? Was she really looking for a relationship that came with so many

• 242 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

strings attached? Needing some distance from the swirl of confl icting

feelings that just thinking about Reilly stirred, she grinned at Candace.

“Besides, I was pretty gone over you.”

“Uh-huh. True. But we were young and in lust and what did we

know?”

“We knew plenty.” Liz looked from Candace to Bren. “We knew,

all of us, what we had with each other.”

“Stop,” Bren said, “I’m not even pregnant and I want to cry.”

“Yeah, seriously,” Candace said gruffl y. “Just be careful with your

heart, okay?

“I’ll try.” Liz turned to Bren. “So what about you? What’s

happening with your sexy mystery lover?”

“Nothing,” Bren said, which was true, although not the entire

story. Jae had emailed her the night before. I imagine lying on a bed,

my hands and legs bound. You’re kneeling above my mouth, and I make

you come.

“Are you done with her then?” Candace asked curiously.

“I haven’t decided. I only know I’m not done thinking about

her.”

Candace sighed. “I don’t know how I ever missed how sexy you

are.”

Bren blushed. “I think you’re talking about Melanie.”

“Her too.”

Candace bumped Bren’s knee with hers. Liz watched the exchange

with interest, wondering what she’d missed in the last few weeks.

“I think you should save your energy for Parker,” Bren said,

wanting to divert Candace’s attention from her. Candace was the kind

of woman whose fi rst response was visceral, her affections so easily

translated into attraction. It was one of the things Bren loved about her,

but she knew it would take a player of equal stature to handle Candace,

and she wasn’t that woman. Her games were of a different nature.

“Parker. Parker is off the table.” Candace briefl y informed them

of her last conversation with Parker. “So, Parker has suddenly decided

she doesn’t want to play.”

Bren shook her head. “You read those signals wrong. She just

wants to play another game.”

“I don’t play unless I make the rules.”

“Uh-huh,” Bren said disbelievingly. “So you’ll just quit?”

• 243 •

RADCLY fFE

“Parker’s call, not mine,” Candace said fl atly.

“I’d say she tossed out a pitch and is waiting for you to hit it

back,” Liz said.

“Spare me the baseball analogy,” Candace groaned.

Laughing, Liz looked at her watch. “I’ve got to get back. Are we

getting together this weekend? Maybe dinner?”

“Absolutely,” Bren said.

“Sure,” Candace said absently, as if her mind were elsewhere.

Liz paid for the three of them and they walked out together.

“Where are you parked,” Liz asked her friends.

“I took the subway,” Candace said.

“I’m in a lot across from the hospital,” Bren replied as they reached

the corner.

“Good,” Liz said, glancing up at the light. It was green and she

started to cross. “We can walk that way together then.”

“So,” Candace said, “is Parker in the offi ce to—”

“Liz!” Julia called sharply, appearing out of nowhere. She grabbed

Liz’s arm and tugged her to a stop in the middle of the street.

“Julia!” Liz exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, if you won’t agree to meet me, I’ll just have to track you

dow—”

At the screech of tires, Liz shot a startled glance at the light just

as it changed from green to yellow. A red pickup truck careened around

the corner into the intersection, trying to outrun the red light. Julia,

whose back was to the oncoming vehicle, said something Liz couldn’t

hear.

“Look out,” Liz shouted. She grabbed Julia’s arm and yanked

her around, pushing her toward the opposite curb and safety all in one

motion. As she did, something struck her hip and she catapulted into

Julia. She and Julia landed in a heap on the ground.

Amidst the screams, Liz tried to make sense of what had just

happened. The sky overhead was brilliantly blue, and fl uffy white clouds

moved lazily across her view. Then the idyllic scene disappeared, and

Julia’s face came into focus.

“Oh my God, are you all right?” Julia looked panicked.

Liz found that odd. Julia never lost her composure, even in the

midst of an argument. Next to her, Candace and Bren’s faces appeared,

• 244 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

both looking terrifi ed. A bearded man, his eyes wild, grabbed her

hand.

“Lady! Jesus, lady. Jesus. I’m sorry. Are you hurt?”

“I’m fi ne,” Liz said, pushing herself up. Her arms were shaky but

she felt all right. A little numb, maybe. “Really. I think I just tripped.”

“Are you sure?” Bren asked anxiously. “Just sit for a minute. You

landed awfully hard.”

Liz saw Bren glance at Candace, and their obvious fear spurred her

into motion. Gripping Bren’s shoulder, she pushed to her feet. “Really,

I’m absolutely fi ne.”

The wave of dizziness came so quickly she didn’t even have time

to be frightened. As she felt herself falling, she clutched Bren’s arm.

“Call Reilly,” she whispered.

• 245 •

• 246 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Nice case, Reilly,” Clint Marcum, one of Reilly’s associates,

said as they headed down the hall toward the main OR desk.

“Thanks.” Reilly pulled off her sweat soaked OR cap and tossed

it along with her mask into a trashcan. “Maybe we’ll stay caught up for

a few hours.”

“Yeah right.”

“Hey, you never know. We could get lu—”

“Dr. Danvers,” the young clerk who handled the phones in the

offi ce called. “I was just going to phone down to your room when I

saw you were fi nishing up. The operator took a message. She said it

was urgent.”

“Aren’t they all,” Reilly muttered. She’d been in the OR since

seven that morning with a 16-year-old who had been med-evaced in

after he had fl ipped his all-terrain vehicle and crushed his pelvis. Once

they’d fi nally gotten the hemorrhage stopped, she’d had to stabilize the

major undamaged bone fragments with pins and screws and then apply

an external fi xater. He’d be in bed for the foreseeable future, but he’d

likely walk again. She was hot, tired, and hungry. Nevertheless, she

held out her hand for the pink message slip. All it said was Call Bren.

Urgent. And a number.

“I’ve got to get this, Clint,” Reilly said as she grabbed the wall

phone, her stomach knotting. There was only one emergency she could

think of, and she couldn’t let her imagination go there. Nothing had

happened to Liz. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if anything had.

“Sure,” Clint said, giving her a curious look. “Catch you later.”

Reilly waved absently as she waited for the operator, gripping

the receiver so tightly her hand ached. “Hi, it’s Dr. Danvers. I need

an outside number right away.” She read the phone number off the

message, feeling sick and unable to keep her mind from bombarding

• 247 •

RADCLY fFE

her with images she couldn’t avoid seeing. Annie, so pale and still. Liz,

warm and vibrant and so wonderfully passionate. The phone rang once,

twice, three times, four—just as she expected voicemail to kick in, a

breathless voice answered.

“Hello?”

“Bren, it’s Reilly. What’s wrong?” Reilly braced her arm against

the wall and shut her eyes. Please don’t tell me she’s hurt. Please don’t

say—

“Oh, Reilly, sorry. I had to run outside to answer my cell phone.

God, I’m glad I didn’t lose you. We’re down in the ER with Liz.”

A sheet of ice slid through Reilly’s gut. “What happened?”

“We’re not sure. She either fainted or fell or maybe got hit by a

car. We—”

“I’m on my way.”

Reilly slammed the receiver back onto the phone, punched the

automatic door opener controlling the double doors leading into the

OR from the hallway, and raced through them before they were barely

open wide enough to accommodate her body. She didn’t even look

in the direction of the elevators, but shoved through the fi re door and

took the stairs from the third fl oor down to ground level two at a time.

It was a trip she had taken many times, but never fi lled with fear so

suffocating she couldn’t draw a full breath. She dodged stretchers,

shouldered around groups of nurses, med students, and visitors and

cut across the paths of technicians pushing equipment as she sprinted

down the corridor to the emergency room. The ER waiting room was

on the opposite side of the hallway from the main receiving area, but

she didn’t glance in that direction. Bren and Candace were most likely

in there, and assuredly frantic, but she needed to see Liz. She had to get

to Liz. She made a sharp left into the controlled chaos of the ER and

raced up to the counter where a clerk sat surrounded by stacks of charts

and paperwork.

“Liz Ramsey,” Reilly said breathlessly, scanning the whiteboard

behind the clerk where patients’ names and status were written. She

didn’t see Liz’s name, but she might have just arrived. “Where is

she?”

The harried looking middle-aged woman in a fl owered smock

frowned. “I don’t think we’ve got anybody waiting for ortho, Doc. But

• 248 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

if you want to look at a few with colds or bellyaches, we’ve got plenty

of—”

“She’d be an MVA or maybe an OB emergency—she’s pregnant.”

Reilly barely resisted grabbing a pile of charts and rifl ing through

them.

“Oh, that must be the one we just called Dr. Thompson about.

Let me see.” The woman sorted through a stack of intake forms with

maddening slowness. “I think she’s in cubicle eight—no, nine.”

“Thanks,” Reilly called, already in motion. She slowed when

she approached the curtain, not wanting to startle Liz or interrupt an

examination. Still, her heart was pounding so hard her chest hurt and

her hand shook when she pulled back the curtain.

Liz wore a white hospital gown covered with faded blue stars and

lay on a stretcher with an IV running into her left hand. She turned her

head as Reilly stepped into the small cubicle.

“Hey,” Liz said wanly, and held out her hand. “Did I drag you

away from something important?”

“Not a thing.” Reilly’s pulse settled a little when she saw Liz

awake and seemingly stable. While scanning the monitors next to the

bed, she took Liz’s outstretched hand. Then she reached under the edge

of the stretcher, released the side rail, and leaned down. She kissed Liz

lightly. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fi ne. I think everyone’s fussing over nothing.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m pretty certain I just fainted.” Liz rubbed her cheek against

the back of Reilly’s hand. “I got scared for a second, and I wanted you.

I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“No. You did the right thing. This is exactly where I want to be.”

Reilly swallowed, refusing to think about how quickly her whole life

had imploded when Annie had collapsed and died within moments.

“Are you having any bleeding?”

Liz gripped Reilly’s hand tighter. “Not that I can tell. They called

Marta…Marta Thompson, my obstetrician.”

“Good.” As she spoke, Reilly double-checked the readouts. Liz’s

blood pressure and heart rate were normal. Some of the tension in her

chest eased.

“God, Reilly, I fell. What if—”

• 249 •

RADCLY fFE

“Hey, it’s okay,” Reilly soothed, feeling more in control with each

passing second. She wasn’t going to let anything happen to Liz. “Let’s

just wait and see what Dr. Thompson says.”

“Someone mention my name?” Marta Thompson pulled the

curtain aside, pushed in a portable ultrasound machine, and slowed

only long enough to yank the curtain closed again. “Fill me in, sweetie.

Your chart said something about you getting hit by a car?”

“If I did, it was just a bump.” Liz quickly related the incident. “I

think in all the excitement I just got a little dizzy.”

As Reilly listened, the muscles in her jaw tightened until her head

throbbed. Liz could so easily have been killed. She swallowed down

the urge to curse.

“I’m not hurt,” Liz repeated, giving Reilly’s hand a shake.

“Really.”

Reilly forced a smile.

“Well,” Marta said, “let’s just be sure everything’s okay.” She

studied Liz and Reilly’s joined hands, and then met Reilly’s eyes. “Are

you staying?”

“Yes,” Reilly said instantly. Then she glanced at Liz. “Okay?”

“Of course,” Liz said softly. “Thank you.”

Reilly stroked Liz’s hair and drew her hand to her lips. She kissed

the back of Liz’s fi ngers. “Nothing could get me out of this room right

now.”

The obstetrician pulled down the sheet and lifted Liz’s hospital

gown, exposing Liz’s abdomen. She placed the lubricated ultrasound

probe below Liz’s navel and turned on the machine. “Then let’s have

a look.”

Against the whoosh of the probe gliding over skin, the rhythm of

a rapid heartbeat sounded steadily. Reilly listened intently, mentally

counting and trying to remember what she’d learned in medical school

about normal rate for a fetus at this stage. She squinted at the monitor,

trying to decipher the black and gray shapes amidst the background

of snow. Then, as if a camera lens were twisted into sharp focus, the

gently curved shape of the fetus jumped out in sharp contrast to the

shadowy echoes around it.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Reilly whispered, “will you look at that.”

Liz glanced from the monitor to Reilly’s face, struck by the note

of wonder in Reilly’s voice. Reilly’s mouth was curved in a faint smile

• 250 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

and her eyes were soft. Liz had seen that tender look before, when

Reilly touched her as they made love. She recognized it now as the

reason she’d fallen in love with her. I love you, she thought, and knew

it to be true.

Reilly glanced down at her as if she had spoken the words aloud.

“You’re both so beautiful.”

“Well,” Marta Thompson said, “everything seems fi ne. The

placenta looks nice and healthy and well attached. The fetus is growing

normally.” She turned off the machine and set the ultrasound probe

aside. “Just to be on the safe side, I want you to rest for the next twentyfour hours. That means on your back with your feet up. Don’t go to

work tomorrow.”

Liz relaxed, the rush of relief so profound she felt lightheaded—in

a good way. “Fine. I won’t take any chances.”

Marta glanced from Liz to Reilly. “Do you have someone you can

stay with tonight?”

Reilly grimaced. “I’m on call again, but I might be able to switch

with someone.”

“No, don’t do that,” Liz said. “I’ll stay with Bren.” She looked at

Marta. “A friend.”

“Good. If you have any cramping or bleeding, even streaking, I

want to know about it,” the obstetrician warned.

“I understand.”

“All right then. As long as there are no problems, I’ll see you for

your next scheduled appointment.” Marta pushed the equipment cart

out into the hall and left them alone.

Reilly cupped Liz’s face and kissed her. “Great news.”

Suddenly feeling shy, Liz tried for a casual tone. “Well, I guess I

can go home then, right?”

“Let me check with the nurses and make sure there aren’t any

tests pending. I’ll fi nd Bren, too.” Reilly kept a grip on Liz’s hand. She

didn’t want to leave her. She didn’t want to entrust her care to anyone

else. The thought of not being around if something happened to Liz

made her feel sick. “It might take me a little while to fi nd someone to

cover for me tonight, but I’ll see you later at Bren’s.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I do.”

“I know how busy you are,” Liz said, but she secretly wanted

• 251 •

RADCLY fFE

Reilly to come. She needed her, and as scary as that idea was, it felt

good too.

“I want to be with you.” Reilly caressed Liz’s cheek. “I need to

be. Is that all right?”

“Oh, it’s so much more than all right.”

“If you need anything at all,” Reilly found the call button and

pressed it into Liz’s palm, “ring for one of the nurses.”

“You heard Marta, I’m fi ne. Stop worrying.”

Reilly smiled a little unsteadily. “Sure. No problem.”

“Reilly,” Liz said carefully. “I have a favor to ask.”

“Anything.”

“They brought Julia in, too. I heard someone say she might have a

broken ankle. Could you check on her? Her last name is Myers.”

Reilly’s eyes narrowed. “What I had in mind was something closer

to strangling her.”

“I know it probably sounds crazy to you, but I don’t want her to be

alone if she’s hurt. She didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“I’ll check on her. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you.”

It took all Reilly’s willpower to leave Liz. Even though in her

rational mind she knew Liz was all right, the fear of losing her was not

that easy to banish.

“Okay. I won’t be long.” Reilly backed away. “You’re all right?”

Liz smiled. “I’m wonderful. Go.”

Reilly stepped out from behind the curtain and motioned to one

of the nurses who stood nearby. “This patient’s ready to be discharged.

Can you check if there’s anything pending for her?”

“Sure. It’ll take me a couple minutes.”

“That’s fi ne. Someone else came in with her. A possible extremity

injury. Julia Myers.”

“Twelve, I think. They just fi nished her x-rays.”

“Thanks.” Reilly strode down the hall to the wall-mounted light

boxes and checked the x-rays hanging there. She found Julia’s and

scanned fi rst the distal tibia and fi bula, then the ankle bones. Other than

a great deal of soft tissue swelling, she didn’t see any fractures.

“I didn’t fi nd anything,” John Burke, one of the ER attendings,

said as he stopped next to Reilly.

“No, I don’t either.”

• 252 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Ace wrap and elevation for a few days?”

“Sounds good to me. I’m just going to say hello—unoffi cially.”

“Sure,” Burke said, heading in the opposite direction. “We’ll take

care of the paperwork in a few minutes.”

Reilly walked to the next cubicle and stopped at the edge of the

closed curtain. “Ms. Myers, I’m Dr. Danvers. Do you mind if I come

in?”

“Not if you’re here to tell me I can go home.”

Reilly recognized the throaty voice and recalled their brief

meeting at Liz’s apartment. She also remembered that Julia had been

happy to let her think that she and Liz had been together that morning.

She slipped through the opening in the curtain and stopped at the end

of Julia’s stretcher. “We met last Saturday.”

Julia eyed her appraisingly. “I remember. What a coincidence.”

“Not really. Liz asked me to check on you. The emergency room

doctor will be back in a minute to talk to you, but it doesn’t look like

your ankle is fractured.”

“How’s Liz?”

“She’s fi ne.” Reilly held Julia’s gaze. “So is the baby.”

“That’s good then.”

“Yes, that’s very good.”

“What kind of doctor are you?” Julia asked

“I’m an orthopedic surgeon.”

“Liz didn’t break something, did she?”

“No. I’m here because Liz asked me to come down.”

“That’s interesting. She told me she wasn’t involved with you,”

Julia said coolly.

Reilly smiled. “Well, I suppose that might have depended

upon when you talked. And what kind of involvement you were

discussing.”

“She led me to believe you weren’t intimate.”

“I’m in love with her.” When Julia merely stared, obviously caught

off guard, Reilly went on, “If you have unfi nished business with Liz,

that’s between the two of you. But don’t put your hands on her again.”

“I didn’t know Liz went for the bad girl type,” Julia scoffed.

“There’s a lot about Liz you don’t know. Don’t walk on that ankle

for a few days.”

Then Reilly turned and walked out.

• 253 •

• 254 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Will you two stop fussing,” Liz complained after Bren asked

her for the third time if she needed anything. Opposite Bren

at her desk, Candace occupied the overstuffed chair next to the sofa

pretending to read, but Liz could tell that she was staring at her more

than her book. The windows were open, and the night was still and hot,

even at a little after seven. In another hour it would be dark. Reilly had

called an hour earlier and said she had just fi nished a case and would

be over soon. Every minute of waiting seemed endless. Liz turned on

her side on the old familiar sofa and curled one arm under the pillow,

gazing at her two friends. “I’m perfectly all right, except I’m bored.”

“You’re supposed to lie on your back,” Bren said. “That’s what

Reilly told us.”

Liz sighed deeply. “My obstetrician said bedrest. I don’t think she

meant on my back literally, but just that I couldn’t run around right

away.”

Bren didn’t look convinced, and rather than argue, Liz dutifully

shifted onto her back. “Better?”

“Yes. You still look a little pale.”

“I’m tired. That’s all,” Liz assured them.

“I’m going to hunt that bitch down and tear her head off,” Candace

said calmly.

“I’m coming with you,” Bren said.

Liz shook her head. “I love that you two are ready to do damage

for me, but it’s not necessary. Julia is history.”

Candace snorted. “Not if she’s still walking around.”

“I don’t know,” Bren said, “she didn’t look to me like she was

ready to quit this afternoon.”

“I saw her for a few seconds before I left the hospital,” Liz said. “I

told her I didn’t want to hear from her again. She actually agreed that it

was better we didn’t see one another for a while.”

• 255 •

RADCLY fFE

“She probably knows if we see her anywhere near you, she’s dead

meat,” Candace grumbled.

Liz laughed. “Probably. Julia’s no fool.”

“You’re wrong about that,” Bren said seriously. “She let you go.”

The doorbell sounded downstairs and Candace dropped her book

and jumped up. “I’ll get it. I think it’s time for a glass of wine. Bren,

you want one?”

“I’ll come with you,” Bren said. “How about we order pizza? Liz?”

“Sounds good,” Liz said, more to alleviate her friends’ worry than

because she was hungry.

Alone, she closed her eyes, as mentally weary as she was physically

tired. She still found it diffi cult to accept how little she had understood

Julia, despite their years together. And she wondered how she could

have ever thought what they had together was enough to build a life on,

let alone start a family together. Absently, she rubbed her abdomen. The

uncertainty she usually felt when contemplating the future was gone. In

its place, she felt a surge of happiness.

When Liz sensed someone else in the room, she opened her eyes.

Reilly stood in the doorway, watching her. She must have come right

from the hospital, because she wore jeans, a scrub shirt, and her running

shoes.

“Hi,” Liz said.

“Hi. I thought you were asleep.”

“No, not asleep, just thinking.”

Reilly crossed to her and squatted down beside the couch. She

stroked Liz’s hair. “What were you thinking?”

“That having a baby is sort of fun.”

Reilly smiled. “Glad to hear it.”

“Me too.” Liz leaned forward and kissed Reilly softly. “And I was

wondering how I could have mistaken what I had with Julia for being

in love.”

“Maybe,” Reilly said, her voice husky, “being in love, all the way

in love, is one of those things you don’t recognize until you feel it.”

“I recognize it now,” Liz said. “Every time I look at you.”

“Me, too.” Reilly cupped Liz’s cheek and kissed her, a slow, deep,

possessive kiss. “I’m crazy in love with you.”

“Lie down with me.” Liz shifted away from the edge of the couch

and patted the empty spot beside her.

• 256 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“Are you sure? I don’t want to crowd you.”

“I’ll lie on top of you.”

“Uh…”

Liz grinned. “You can be good, can’t you?”

“It might be a hardship.” Reilly kicked off her running shoes and

started to ease down onto the couch.

“Jeans too. It’s hot and it will get hotter with us so close

together.”

“You know, I go commando in the OR. Most of us do.”

“Forget it then. You can’t be naked with Candace in the house,”

Liz said immediately.

Reilly laughed and popped the button on her jeans.

“Baby, I’m serious,” Liz warned, her gaze riveted to Reilly’s

hands. “God I love your body.”

“No touching,” Reilly said as she pushed her jeans down.

Underneath, she wore navy blue boxers.

“Oh good,” Liz sighed. “A safety net.”

Reilly stretched out on her back, and Liz curled up half on top of

her, her head on Reilly’s shoulder. Reilly ran her hand up and down

Liz’s arm. “Comfortable?”

“More than comfortable. Happy.” Liz kissed Reilly’s throat and

slipped her hand under Reilly’s scrub shirt to caress her stomach. “I’m

crazy in love with you, too, you know.”

“I can’t tell you how good it feels when you say that.” Reilly

kissed the top of Liz’s head. “Annie and I were together three years,

but I wasn’t her only lover. I didn’t know that at fi rst, because she didn’t

think it should make any difference to me. When I did fi gure it out, she

said she loved me, but she didn’t believe in being exclusive.”

“If you’re asking if it would make a difference to me, it would.

Both ways.” Liz smoothed her hand higher in slow circles over Reilly’s

chest. “I can’t imagine wanting anyone else to make love to me except

you. And the thought of someone touching you—God, that hurts.”

“I don’t want anyone except you,” Reilly whispered. She covered

Liz’s hand and squeezed gently. “Stop before you get me really turned

on.”

“I’m sorry. I just love to touch you.”

“I love you. I hope you never stop wanting me, because I’ll never

stop wanting you.”

• 257 •

RADCLY fFE

“What about the baby?” Liz asked quietly. Despite that the moment

was wonderful—more special, more exciting than anything she had

ever dreamed—this was a dream that came with strings. And as much

as she wanted Reilly, she had to know if a real future was possible.

“I want you, and the baby.” Reilly stroked Liz’s belly. “I want to

be part of this with you. I want to love you and this child.”

“But you said—”

“Annie always did what she wanted, no matter who it hurt.

Including herself. Usually herself.” Reilly tilted Liz’s face up. “Annie

said she wanted to get pregnant because she was getting older and

running out of time. I’ve always suspected that having a child was part

of her dream of having a normal life.”

“And you didn’t want her to.”

“I didn’t agree, for a lot of reasons. Her health, mostly. Pregnancy

would have put a tremendous strain on her. Especially if she wasn’t

careful.” Reilly shook her head. “Annie was careless with herself—she

took chances with people, and with other things.”

“It must have been so hard for you. And for her.”

“Harder for her,” Reilly murmured. “I don’t know if she was trying

to get pregnant or if she just did by accident. I suspected she slept with

men sometimes, but I couldn’t call her on it. I guess since she knew I

didn’t want her to be pregnant, she didn’t tell me.”

“That’s not your fault.”

Reilly closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against Liz’s hair. “I

shouldn’t have judged her. If she had trusted me, if she had told me, I

might have paid more attention to what was happening with her. I know

I would have. Then I might ha—”

“I doubt you would have anticipated she’d have a stroke, Reilly.

And even if you had, she might not have listened to reason.”

“I loved her,” Reilly said, “but I didn’t love her the way she needed

to be loved.”

Liz pushed herself up so she could look down into Reilly’s face.

“You love me the way I need to be loved. I want to be able to give the

same thing to you.”

“You do.” Reilly skimmed her fi ngers along Liz’s jaw. “You make

me happy. You make me excited about the future. I want to be there for

you and the baby. I want to be the one with you in the delivery room

when the baby is born.”

• 258 •

The Lonely Hearts Club

“When I let myself dream,” Liz whispered, “I see us. You and me.

The baby. A family.”

“So do I, and it’s exactly what I want.”

Liz buried her face in Reilly’s shoulder, unable to stop the tears.

“Are those happy tears?” Reilly whispered, her throat tight, her

cheeks wet.

“Oh, more than happy,” Liz answered. “Much, much more than

happy.”

O

“Do you think we should wake them to eat?” Candace whispered,

standing in the doorway with Bren. At close to nine, the room was dark

except for the pale glow from the desk lamp. Liz slept with her head on

Reilly’s chest, her hand still nestled under Reilly’s shirt. Reilly held Liz

protectively in the circle of one arm.

“They both look exhausted, not to mention adorable,” Bren said.

“Reilly is so hot,” Candace whispered.

Grinning, Reilly turned her head and opened her eyes. “Thanks.”

“Stop cruising my lover,” Liz muttered. “I’m pregnant and can’t

be blamed for my actions.”

“I meant ‘must be hot,’ you know. Like warm.”

“Uh-huh,” Liz said.

Candace laughed. “You two hungry?”

Liz burrowed closer to Reilly. “Later.”

Reilly kissed Liz’s temple and closed her eyes again.

Candace turned and followed Bren downstairs. In the kitchen she

settled on the stool at the breakfast counter and picked up a slice of

pizza. “So, what are you going to do the rest of the night?”

Bren smiled. “I’m going to email a certain someone about a

fantasy we have in common. How about you?”

“I’m going to call a certain woman and ask her out on a date.”

Candace glanced toward the stairs, and thought of Liz and Reilly asleep

in the surety of one another’s embrace. “Do you think this is the end of

the Lonely Hearts Club?”

“Oh, no. The LHC has always been about our friendship.” Bren

wrapped an arm around Candace’s waist. “And love will only make us

stronger.”

k

• 259 •

About the Author

Radcly ffe is a retired surgeon and full time award-winning authorpublisher with over twenty-fi ve lesbian novels and anthologies in

print, including the Lambda Literary winners Erotic Interludes 2:

Stolen Moments ed. with Stacia Seaman and Distant Shores, Silent

Thunder. She has selections in multiple anthologies including

Wild Nights, Fantasy, Best Lesbian Erotica 2006, 2007, and 2008,

After Midnight, Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and

Exhibitionists, First-Timers, Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About

Lingerie and Underwear, A is for Amour, and H is for Hardcore. She

is the recipient of the 2003 and 2004 Alice B. Readers’ award for her

body of work and is also the president of Bold Strokes Books, one of

the world’s largest independent LGBT publishing companies.

Her forthcoming works include In Deep Waters: 2 written with Karin

Kallmaker (May 2008), Word of Honor (June 2008), and Night Call

(October 2008).

Books Available From Bold Strokes Books

Deeper by Ronica Black. Former homicide detective Erin McKenzie

and her fi ancée Elizabeth Adams couldn’t be any happier—until the not

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The Lonely Hearts Club by Radclyffe. Take three friends, add two

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Venus Besieged by Andrews & Austin. Teague Richfi eld heads for

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The Crown of Valencia by Catherine Friend. Ex-lovers can really

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Mine by Georgia Beers. What happens when you’ve already given

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Winds of Fortune by Radclyffe. Provincetown local Deo Camara

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Focus of Desire by Kim Baldwin. Isabel Sterling is surprised when

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Blind Leap by Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall. A Golden Gate

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Wall of Silence, 2nd ed. by Gabrielle Goldsby. Life takes a dangerous

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Mistress of the Runes by Andrews & Austin. Passion ignites between

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Red Light by JD Glass. Tori forges her path as an EMT in the New

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Honor Under Siege by Radclyffe. Secret Service agent Cameron

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Sequestered Hearts by Erin Dutton. A popular artist suddenly goes

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Storms of Change by Radclyffe. In the continuing saga of the

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Unexpected Ties by Gina L. Dartt. With death before dessert, Kate

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Sleep of Reason by Rose Beecham. While Detective Jude Devine

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Passion’s Bright Fury by Radclyffe. Passion strikes without warning

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Broken Wings by L-J Baker. When Rye Woods meets beautiful dryad

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Combust the Sun by Andrews & Austin. A Richfi eld and Rivers

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Tristaine Rises by Cate Culpepper. Brenna, Jesstin, and the

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Too Close to Touch by Georgia Beers. Kylie O’Brien believes in true

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100th Generation by Justine Saracen. Ancient curses, modern-day

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the adventure of her life. (1-933110-48-1)

Battle for Tristaine by Cate Culpepper. While Brenna struggles to fi nd

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the Tristaine series. (1-933110-49-X)

The Traitor and the Chalice by Jane Fletcher. Tevi and Jemeryl risk

all in the race to uncover a traitor. The Lyremouth Chronicles Book Two.

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Promising Hearts by Radclyffe. Dr. Vance Phelps arrives in New

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Carly’s Sound by Ali Vali. Poppy Valente and Julia Johnson form

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Unexpected Sparks by Gina L. Dartt. Kate Shannon’s attraction to

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Whitewater Rendezvous by Kim Baldwin. Two women on a wilderness

kayak adventure discover that true love may be nothing at all like they

imagined. (1-933110-38-4)

Erotic Interludes 3: Lessons in Love ed. by Radclyffe and Stacia

Seaman. Sign on for a class in love…the best lesbian erotica writers

take us to “school.” (1-9331100-39-2)

Punk Like Me by JD Glass. Twenty-one-year-old Nina has a way with

the girls, and she doesn’t always play by the rules. (1-933110-40-6)

Coffee Sonata by Gun Brooke. Four women whose lives unexpectedly

intersect in a small town by the sea share one thing in common—they

all have secrets. (1-933110-41-4)

The Clinic: Tristaine Book One by Cate Culpepper. Brenna, a prison

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from ancient Amazons. (1-933110-42-2)

Forever Found by JLee Meyer. Can time, tragedy, and shattered trust

destroy a love that seemed destined? Chance reunites childhood friends

separated by tragedy. (1-933110-37-6)

Sword of the Guardian by Merry Shannon. Princess Shasta’s bold

new bodyguard has a secret that could change both of their lives: He is

actually a she. (1-933110-36-8)

Wild Abandon by Ronica Black. Dr. Chandler Brogan and Offi cer

Sarah Monroe are drawn together by their common obsessions—sex,

speed, and danger. (1-933110-35-X)

Turn Back Time by Radclyffe. Pearce Rifkin and Wynter Thompson

have nothing in common but a shared passion for surgery—and

unexpected attraction. (1-933110-34-1)

Chance by Grace Lennox. A sexy, funny, touching story of two women

who, in fi nding themselves, also fi nd one another. (1-933110-31-7)

The Exile and the Sorcerer by Jane Fletcher. First in the Lyremouth

Chronicles. Tevi and a shy young sorcerer face monsters, magic, and

the challenge of loving. (1-933110-32-5)

A Matter of Trust by Radclyffe. When what should be just business

turns into much more, two women struggle to trust the unexpected.

(1-933110-33-3)

Sweet Creek by Lee Lynch. A celebration of the enduring nature of love,

friendship, and community in the heart-warming lesbian community of

Waterfall Falls. (1-933110-29-5)

The Devil Inside by Ali Vali. The head of a New Orleans crime

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(1-933110-30-9)

Grave Silence by Rose Beecham. Detective Jude Devine’s investigation

of ritual murders is complicated by her torrid affair with pathologist

Dr. Mercy Westmoreland. (1-933110-25-2)

Honor Reclaimed by Radclyffe. Secret Service Agent Cameron

Roberts and Blair Powell close ranks to fi nd the would-be assassins

who nearly claimed Blair’s life. (1-933110-18-X)

Honor Bound by Radclyffe. Secret Service Agent Cameron Roberts

and Blair Powell face political intrigue, a clandestine threat to Blair’s

safety, and the seemingly irreconcilable differences that force them

ever farther apart. (1-933110-20-1)

Innocent Hearts by Radclyffe. In a wild and unforgiving land,

two women learn about love, passion, and the wonders of the heart.

(1-933110-21-X)

The Temple at Landfall by Jane Fletcher. An imprinter, one of

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the faith—until a Ranger frees her by claiming her heart. The Celaeno

series. (1-933110-27-9)

Protector of the Realm, Supreme Constellations Book One by Gun

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romance. (1-933110-26-0)

Force of Nature by Kim Baldwin. From tornados to forest fi res, the

forces of nature conspire to bring Gable McCoy and Erin Richards

close to danger, and closer to each other. (1-933110-23-6)

In Too Deep by Ronica Black. Undercover homicide cop Erin

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love and danger hot on her heels. (1-933110-17-1)

Stolen Moments: Erotic Interludes 2 by Stacia Seaman and Radclyffe,

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almost too hot to handle. (1-933110-16-3)

Course of Action by Gun Brooke. Actress Carolyn Black desperately

wants the starring role in an upcoming fi lm produced by Annelie

Peterson. Just how far will she go for the dream part of a lifetime?

(1-933110-22-8)

Rangers at Roadsend by Jane Fletcher. Sergeant Chip Coppelli has

learned to spot trouble coming, and that is exactly what she sees in her

new recruit, Katryn Nagata. The Celaeno series. (1-933110-28-7)

Justice Served by Radclyffe. Lieutenant Rebecca Frye and her

lover, Dr. Catherine Rawlings, embark on a deadly game of hideand-seek with an underworld kingpin who traffi cs in human souls.

(1-933110-15-5)

Distant Shores, Silent Thunder by Radclyffe. Dr. Tory King—along

with the women who love her—is forced to examine the boundaries of

love, friendship, and the ties that transcend time. (1-933110-08-2)

Hunter’s Pursuit by Kim Baldwin. A raging blizzard, a mountain

hideaway, and a killer-for-hire set a scene for disaster—or desire—when

Katarzyna Demetrious rescues a beautiful stranger. (1-933110-09-0)

The Walls of Westernfort by Jane Fletcher. All Temple Guard

Natasha Ionadis wants is to serve the Goddess—until she falls in love

with one of the rebels she is sworn to destroy. The Celaeno series.

(1-933110-24-4)

Change Of Pace: Erotic Interludes by Radclyffe. Twenty-fi ve hotwired encounters guaranteed to spark more than just your imagination.

Erotica as you’ve always dreamed of it. (1-933110-07-4)

Honor Guards by Radclyffe. In a wild flight for their lives, the

president’s daughter and those who are sworn to protect her wage a

desperate struggle for survival. (1-933110-01-5)

Fated Love by Radclyffe. Amidst the chaos and drama of a busy

emergency room, two women must contend not only with the

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(1-933110-05-8)

Justice in the Shadows by Radclyffe. In a shadow world of secrets

and lies, Detective Sergeant Rebecca Frye and her lover, Dr.

Catherine Rawlings, join forces in the elusive search for justice.

(1-933110-03-1)

shadowland by Radclyffe. In a world on the far edge of desire, two

women are drawn together by power, passion, and dark pleasures. An

erotic romance. (1-933110-11-2)

Love’s Masquerade by Radclyffe. Plunged into the indistinguishable

realms of fiction, fantasy, and hidden desires, Auden Frost is forced to

question all she believes about the nature of love. (1-933110-14-7)

Love & Honor by Radclyffe. The president’s daughter and her lover are

faced with diffi cult choices as they battle a tangled web of Washington

intrigue for…love and honor. (1-933110-10-4)

Beyond the Breakwater by Radclyffe. One Provincetown summer,

three women learn the true meaning of love, friendship, and family.

(1-933110-06-6)

Tomorrow’s Promise by Radclyffe. One timeless summer, two very

different women discover the power of passion to heal and the promise

of hope that only love can bestow. (1-933110-12-0)

Love’s Tender Warriors by Radclyffe. Two women who have accepted

loneliness as a way of life learn that love is worth fi ghting for and a

battle they cannot afford to lose. (1-933110-02-3)

Love’s Melody Lost by Radclyffe. A secretive artist with a haunted

past and a young woman escaping a life that has proved to be a lie find

their destinies entwined. (1-933110-00-7)

Safe Harbor by Radclyffe. A mysterious newcomer, a reclusive doctor,

and a troubled gay teenager learn about love, friendship, and trust during

one tumultuous summer in Provincetown. (1-933110-13-9)

Above All, Honor by Radclyffe. Secret Service Agent Cameron Roberts

fi ghts her desire for the one woman she can’t have—Blair Powell, the

daughter of the president of the United States. (1-933110-04-X)

Table of Contents

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

CHAPTER TWENTYFOUR

CHAPTER TWENTYFIVE

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT