Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story

Copyright © 2008 by Barbara L. Clanton

Acknowledgments

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

About the Author

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Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story

by

Barbara L. Clanton

Copyright © 2008 by Barbara L. Clanton

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Parts of this work are fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, or events is entirely coincidental.

ISBN 978-1-935053-96-5 (eBook)

eBook Conversion September 2011

Cover design by Donna Pawlowski

Published by:

Regal Crest Enterprises, LLC

4700 Hwy 365, Suite A, PMB 210

Port Arthur, Texas 7764

Find us on the World Wide Web at http://www.regalcrest.biz

Published in the United States of America

Acknowledgments

Thanks to everyone at Regal Crest for making this a reality for me. I especially want to thank Cathy LeNoir for taking a risk with a newbie and to my editor Mary Phillips for helping me with my learning curve. Sincere thanks go out to everyone who read and commented on various drafts of Marlee, in particular Andi Marquette, my very first Beta reader who I now call friend. Thanks also go out to my other early draft readers Kim Dahl, Beth Robinson, Carmen Roldan, Melissa McCurley, Shirl Wright, Deidra Mitchell, and the Cathys who offered wonderful advice and encouragement. Thanks to my parents, Paul and JoAnne Clanton, my brothers, Paul and John and their respective families for their encouragement. Thanks to my “in-laws,” Mamie and Joe Weathers, who have also been great cheerleaders. Grandma, thanks for your companionship in upstate New York where this book was largely written. And thanks, finally, to my rock, Jackie Weathers, who has been the one great love of my life.

Dedication

For my grandmother, Barbara M. Thompson who helped provide a solid foundation for this questioning kid turned grownup. Thanks, Grandma.

Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story

by

Barbara L. Clanton

Chapter One

Soft as Rain

MARLEE MCALLISTER SHOUTED over the wind. “Hey, Jeri, c’mon. Put the top up, I’m freezing!” She put a hand on her head to keep her short blond hair from whipping into her eyes.

Marlee’s best friend, Jeri D’Amico, made no move to adjust the Mustang convertible’s top. “Hey, don’t avoid my question.” When Marlee didn’t respond, Jeri said, “Oh, you're such a baby. There’s a blanket in the back.” Jeri reached into the backseat causing the car to swerve on the dark country road.

Marlee grabbed for the panic handle on the door, but came up empty. “God, Jeri. Let’s get there in one piece, okay?” Marlee received a playful punch on her arm in response. “Watch it,” Marlee rubbed her bicep. “I gotta pitch on Tuesday. Don’t hurt the merchandise.”

“Oh, give me a break. That’s not even your pitching arm, Miss Pitcher of the Year wanna-be. But, girl, how are you gonna be the First Team All-County pitcher when you’re up against the reigning All-County pitcher,” Jeri switched to an announcer’s voice, “Christy, Christy, Christy...Loveland, Loveland, Loveland of the East Valley Panthers, Panthers, Panthers...”

“Oh, shut up.” Marlee knew that even though the topic had changed, Jeri wouldn’t drop the original question for long. “What’s so special about Christy, anyway?” Marlee looked over at her friend. “What do the Panthers have that we don’t have?”

Jeri snickered, “Besides Loveland? Who knows? All I know is that the Clarksonville Cougars, all two of us, are going to make a grand entrance tonight. So that’s why we have to arrive with the top down and act like we’re all that.” Jeri pursed her lips and bobbed her head from side to side. She slicked back her curly dark hair.

“Both hands on the wheel,” Marlee admonished as another car whizzed past them on the dark and nearly deserted road.

“And speaking of all that,” Jeri added, “let’s get back to that question you’re avoiding. So, have you and that cute boyfriend of yours, uh, you know...done it?”

Marlee and her seventeen-year-old boyfriend, Bobby Sullivan, were both juniors in high school and everybody said they made the perfect couple. His strawberry blond hair complemented Marlee’s own lighter blond. Marlee’s mother called her hair the color of corn silk, but Marlee wasn’t sure she liked being compared to corn. She did agree with most people’s assessment of Bobby. He was good-looking. His stocky 5’ 10” build complemented Marlee’s lanky 5’ 6” frame. She’d met him three months earlier at a New Year’s Eve party and it had been instant like. Marlee liked the fact that Bobby played football, but she would have liked it better if he played baseball instead. And she would have liked it even better if they went to the same high school. Bobby went to nearby Southfork High School and he made the drive from Southfork to Clarksonville three or four times a week to see her. She liked that about him. Marlee’s mother liked him, too. “A very conscientious young man,” Marlee’s mother had called him.

Before Marlee could come up with some sort of answer to Jeri’s nosy question, Jeri added, “Dave pressured me after two weeks.”

“And...did you?”

“After two weeks? You gotta be kidding.”

“After how long?”

”Okay, now you’re twisting this so it’s about me.” Jeri poked her friend. “I believe we were talking about you.”

Marlee remained silent.

Jeri seemed to take the hint and asked, “Has Bobby seen my new car yet? He’s not gonna be the only one with a muscle car anymore. Mustangs are so much cooler than Camaros.” She flicked her wrist dismissively.

“No, I don’t think he’s—” Marlee flailed for the handle again as Jeri less than expertly maneuvered the car through a series of curves on the country road.

“You see how my car handles the curves?”

“Oh, my God, Jeri. Can you chill out?” Marlee reached for the fallen blanket. “At least slow down on the curves.”

Jeri slowed down but moped. “Fine. Fine. This from someone who doesn’t even have a driver’s license. And you could try to be a little impressed, ya know.”

“I am impressed. My best friend has a Mustang convertible. How cool is that? But who gets a graduation present in April anyway?” Marlee tugged on the sleeve of Jeri’s Clarksonville letterman jacket. “Tell your dad to buy me a Mustang next year when I graduate.”

“Oh, that’ll be the day.” Jeri took the thirty-mile-per-hour curve at forty-five. “But let’s get back to Bobby. So, has he?”

Marlee winced before she realized that Jeri was teasing.

“Has he seen my car?”

“Man, you have a one track mind. And, no, he hasn’t seen your car. You just got it yesterday. Besides, I’m not seeing Bobby until tomorrow night.”

“Ohhh,” Jeri sing-songed knowingly, “and what are you two going to do all alone on a Saturday night, hmm?”

Marlee didn’t think she wanted to talk about something so personal, even with her best friend. Before Marlee could come up with a decent retort, Jeri said, “And how’d he ever let you come to a softball game on a sacred Friday night?”

“Well, first of all, he doesn’t own me.” Marlee glared at her friend. She dismissed the look of disbelief she thought she saw in her friend’s dark eyes. “I just told him it was ‘Girls’ Night Out’.”

“And he bought it?”

“Bought what? I told him I’d see him on Saturday ‘cause you and I needed to hang.”

Blinding light pierced the darkness. Obviously startled, Jeri jerked the steering wheel and two of the tires lurched onto the shoulder. A car, high beams on full blast, had appeared out of nowhere. Jeri eased the two tires back onto the road and slowed down to the actual speed limit. She continued as if nothing abnormal had just happened. “Well, it’s not like Bobby to let you go off on your own.”

Jeri’s voice had taken on a serious tone and Marlee couldn’t tell whether the sudden appearance of the car or their discussion about Bobby caused it. Jeri shrugged. “I just mean that you two are never apart on the weekends. Never.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I need some breathing room.”

Jeri looked at her friend with raised eyebrows.

Marlee continued, “Remember how we’d all go bowling or to the movies? Me and Bobby with you and Dave? I mean, we don’t do that anymore.”

Jeri shot her a hurtful look.

“No. I know you guys broke up and all, but what I mean is that Bobby and I don’t do stuff with anybody else anymore. All he wants to do is go to Lake Birch. And park. And...” Marlee hesitated but decided to finally answer her friend’s question. “Okay. We haven’t yet, but he wants to. The thing is I don’t know if I want to.”

“Oh,” Jeri said. “So you haven’t?”

“No!” Marlee snapped.

“Okay, okay. I’m just asking.” Jeri threw her hands back defensively.

“I know,” Marlee snarled. “You’ve been asking me all night.”

“Sorry, you’re my best friend. I’m supposed to know these things. I didn’t mean to get in your business.”

“That’s okay.” Marlee tried to lighten the mood. “We’re cool. And look, you’re leaving for college next year and I’m gonna be a senior all by myself so I’d rather be hangin’ with my best friend tonight and going to see some softball.” She pulled the blanket up around her neck and stuck out her lower lip.

“Oh, now who’s making a scary face? But, c’mon, I’m just going to Clarkson County CC and I’ll still be living at home and working at the restaurant.”

Marlee shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Community college isn’t really like you’re going away. But still.” She hugged the blanket tighter.

The two friends grew quiet as they reached the section of County Road 62, affectionately known as the “Oak Tunnel” by the locals. Overhanging branches from the thick oak forest met over the two-lane road creating an oddly square shaped tunnel that blocked out the sky. Marlee’s father had told her that the Boy Scouts squared up the trees every spring, but Marlee wasn’t ever sure if she should believe him. When she turned twelve years old, about a year after his death, she finally realized he had been kidding her the whole time and that passing trucks did the trimming when they ripped off low-hanging branches.

She smiled fondly at the memory, but snapped back to the present when she saw the turnoff sign for Sandstoner Fields. “Ahh, home of the mighty Panthers softball team.”

Jeri pulled into the parking lot. “Enemy territory. You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Jeri pulled her brand new Mustang into a parking spot near the backstop. Marlee clutched the much-needed blanket as she stepped out of the sports car. In the North Country of upstate New York, so close to the Canadian border, April meant spring, but did not necessarily mean warm since April often brought snow. Snow that could even cancel softball games.

“Jeri, are you sure you want to park here?” Marlee gestured toward the playing field. “What if a foul ball hits your windshield?”

“She’s right, Jeri.” Both girls jumped at the voice from behind the Mustang. “You should probably park on the other side of the lot.” Their softball coach, Dottie Spears, walked up to them. “So, are my girls here to scout the Panthers?”

Coach Spears wasn’t intimidating physically with her petite build and short graying hair, but Marlee knew she could be a force to be reckoned with.

“Yeah, Coach,” Jeri said. “We’re scouting East Valley and Christy Loveland. We’re gonna find out their secrets so we can annihilate ’em on Tuesday.”

Coach Spears laughed. “Good thinking. I guess that’s why we’re here, too.” The “we” referred to their coach and the dark haired woman who stood by her side. The woman looked vaguely familiar to Marlee, but she couldn’t put her finger on who she was.

Marlee said, “And we’re not sitting on the home team side. We’re sitting on the visitors’ side.” She gestured toward the bleachers on the third base line. “No way I want anybody thinking we’re rooting for the Panthers.”

Coach Spears laughed again and grabbed the jacket sleeve of the woman with her. “I’m pretty sure everyone will know who you’re rooting against in two minutes.” The two older women turned to walk toward the first base side of the field. “But we’ll sit on the home team side just so we won’t cramp your style, okay?” Their Coach winked back at them.

Marlee and Jeri laughed. “Okay, Coach,” Marlee called after her, “but don’t go rooting for the Panthers. We’d have to question your loyalties.”

“Enjoy the game.” Coach Spears waved without looking.

“Bye, girls,” the dark haired woman called back.

“Marlee, I’m gonna move the car over there.” Jeri pointed to a remote area of the parking lot.

“Okay, I’ll see you in the bleachers.”

SOFTBALL IN THE New York State North Country comes at a time of the earth’s renewal, when brown turns to green, when creatures, human and non, emerge from hibernation. That would also prove true for Marlee. She certainly felt happiest when spring rolled around because spring meant softball. Blanket in hand, she made her way to the top of the sizeable bleachers. She spread the blanket on the cold metal and waited for Jeri.

Marlee inhaled the familiar smell of damp clay from the freshly watered infield. For Marlee, that smell was a sure sign of spring. She surveyed the Panthers’ softball facility and sighed with envy. The East Valley Panthers were a well funded team, unlike her own Clarksonville Cougar team that made do on next to nothing. The Panther infield was immaculately groomed, the outfield grass looked like a golf course, and the powerful stadium lights turned darkness into day. Each Panther dugout had its own water fountain, batting helmet cabinet, and bat rack. The fenced-in dugouts protected the players from foul balls and thrown bats. The Clarksonville field, on the other hand, had two weather-beaten benches, one for each team. Okay, there was a backstop, but the Clarksonville school district couldn’t seem to afford much more than that.

Just behind the left field fence, Christy Loveland warmed up in the makeshift bullpen. Maybe it should be called a cow pen instead. And Christy would be the cow. She giggled and couldn’t wait to tell Jeri that one. Christy was built like a cow, too. She was stocky with no neck to speak of, like a football player. But she could also throw like a rocket launcher. And as much as Marlee wanted to find a weakness in Christy’s pitching, she never could. In fact, it looked as if Christy’s pitches were popping already, even though this was the Panthers’ season opener. And our opener is Tuesday against this stupid team. How are we ever gonna beat them? Marlee sighed again as she simultaneously watched Christy warm up and Jeri bound up the bleachers. Jeri lit a cigarette.

“Jeri, what are you doing?” Marlee panicked. “Coach is right over there.” She pointed furiously toward the home bleachers.

“Girl, I forgot. What a drag.” She giggled. “Drag, get it?” She crushed her cigarette out on the metal bleachers. “This sucks. I didn’t even get a good drag on it.” Jeri laughed again causing several people to turn their direction. Jeri jammed the cigarette pack into her jacket pocket and nodded toward their

coach. “Who’s that woman she’s with? She looks familiar.”

Marlee shrugged. “Yeah, she does.”

“Maybe they’re sisters, ya think?” Jeri tugged on Marlee’s jacket sleeve to indicate the women’s matching blue windbreakers.

Marlee agreed they could be sisters. After all, they kind of looked similar. Both had short hair like Marlee’s, although their coach’s hair was gray. And yes, Marlee observed, they wore matching windbreakers. An odd feeling crept into her stomach and she wasn’t sure why.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Jeri punched Marlee in the arm. “I know who she is. Pick me. Pick me.” Jeri, of course, didn’t wait to be picked. “She’s that umpire from last year’s Mohawk game. Right?”

Marlee looked again and remembered, “Oh, yeah. You're right. She's the one that called you out at home. We lost that game.”

“And I was safe.” Jeri jabbed at the air with her finger.

“I know. Remember how Coach had a fit? She yelled for three straight minutes. And I can’t believe she knows her. Oh, my God.”

“Think we should ask her about it at practice on Monday?”

Marlee didn’t think that was a good idea and said so, but she wasn’t sure why it was a bad idea. Before she had a chance to think about it, their attention was blessedly diverted to the softball field. They watched senior Christy Loveland stroll to home plate to meet with the umpires in the captains’ circle before the game. Christy looked intimidating compared to the smaller-framed captains from the visiting team.

Jeri pointed to the captains’ circle. “Hey, that’s gonna be you and me this year. That’s so cool that Coach picked you for captain, too. You, a lowly junior. I guess she thinks you’re, like, a leader or something.” Jeri gave Marlee a friendly push with her shoulder.

“Whatever.” Marlee gave her friend a conspiratorial shoulder nudge in return. “I guess we have something in common with Christy. Well, that and the fact that she strikes us out all the time.”

“Swing and a miss,” Jeri giggled in her bad announcer’s voice.

The same group of people turned to look at them again, curious about their laughter. The public address announcer’s voice echoed through the night air. The East Valley Panther team funneled out of their dugout onto the field. Marlee watched Christy command attention as she strode to the pitcher’s circle. She looked confident and strong. The red and black Panther uniforms made the entire Panther team look ominous. Marlee’s team colors were royal blue and white. Nothing ominous there. The royal blue brought out the color in Marlee’s eyes, her mother had told her more than once. Lord knows that would intimidate the Panthers on Tuesday.

The other Panther players raced to their positions as if competing to see who could get there first. One of the Panther players, the left fielder, ran past them. Marlee followed the girl with her eyes, mesmerized by the way her athletic body moved. When the girl reached left field, she flung her glove to the ground and pulled off her black and red softball hat. A stream of long auburn hair flowed free. Marlee inhaled sharply. The girl’s hair was the kind you see in those shampoo commercials where the woman flips her soft-as-rain hair around her head. The girl in left field gathered her own soft-as-rain hair with both hands and flipped it into a ponytail. She whisked the ponytail under her hat, and it looked as if she had short hair. She then pushed an obviously escaped shock of hair out of her eyes with what looked liked a practiced hand.

Marlee’s gaze wandered over the rest of the athlete. The girl’s red and black Panther jersey was tight across her ample chest. Marlee could also make out the muscles underneath the girl’s snug black and red three-quarter pants. Marlee imagined the girl in shorts. And her hands. Her hands looked so strong. She felt her face flush and realized she’d been holding her breath. She forced herself to exhale as a sudden warmth overtook her in the cold bleachers. The left fielder’s fist pounded in her glove as Marlee’s heart pounded in her chest.

“Marlee.” Jeri waved a hand in her best friend’s face. “Where are you, girl? I asked you a question.”

More heat rose to Marlee’s cheeks and neck. Jeri had caught her staring at somebody and that somebody was a girl. She ran a nervous hand through her short hair and hoped Jeri would think the cold night air caused the crimson in her cheeks.

“What?” she choked.

“Oh forget it.” Jeri waved her off with a flip of her hand. “I answered my own question. They’re playing Southfork.”

Marlee took a deep breath in an attempt to regain her composure, but under cover she replayed the most amazing thing she had ever seen in her entire life. She felt her cheeks flush as a large part of her struggled to understand what was so intriguing about the East Valley left fielder with the soft-as-rain hair. In spite of that struggle, Marlee smiled when she realized she would be able to watch this girl for another two hours.

Chapter Two

Cougars vs. Panthers

EVEN THOUGH TUESDAY had seemed an eternity away to Marlee, the day of the Cougar-Panther game finally arrived. She shifted in her classroom seat, right in front of Jeri. She just couldn’t get comfortable in the hard plastic chair. And Mrs. Stratton, her third period calculus teacher, droned on and on about infinite series or something. Marlee didn’t have time for calculus. She had to think about that afternoon’s game against the East Valley Panthers. That was much more important than infinite series any day.

Marlee pictured herself pitching against the Panthers that afternoon. Carefree puffy clouds would float overhead in the brilliant blue sky. There would be no threat of rain, and definitely no hint of snow. The temperature would be just right for pitching. Her drop balls would drop perfectly. Her rise balls would rise expertly, not how they usually did, over her catcher Lisa Brown’s head. That sort of thing was not going to happen today. In fact, Marlee mused, Lisa would be so impressed with Marlee’s pitching that she’d even let Marlee throw whatever pitches she wanted whenever she wanted. Wouldn’t that be something? Batter after Panther batter would come up to the plate and she would strike them all out, most of them on only three pitches, including the left fielder, #7 Susie Torres.

Marlee wasn’t sure what to do about her sudden fascination with the East Valley left fielder. A large part of her denied any attraction, but a small part of her allowed the possibility. She let that small part wonder why she hadn’t noticed her before Friday night. She must have pitched against Susie at some point during the last season, but she couldn’t come up with an answer.

On Friday night, Marlee discovered that Susie could hit with power. But she was not going to allow Susie or anyone else on the East Valley Panther team to get any hits because she planned to strike out every Panther batter on her way to a no-hit perfect game. And her teammates would hang strikeout K’s on the outfield snow fence where a certain left fielder would be reminded who had struck out those Panther batters all day long.

Marlee jumped when she felt a sharp jab in her back.

“Marlee,” Jeri whispered frantically.

Marlee turned fully around in her seat to face Jeri and hissed, “What?”

“Mrs. Stratton asked you a question.” She pointed toward the front of the room.

The twenty-five other students in the class broke into laughter as Marlee did the slow turn of shame to face their math teacher. Mrs. Stratton, both hands on her hips, peered at Marlee over her glasses. Marlee managed a sheepish grin and mouthed the word, “sorry.” The class tittered again.

“Ms. McAllister,” Mrs. Stratton began, “now that we have your attention.” She paused when several students in the class snickered. “Would you kindly give us an example of an infinite series that converges?”

“Ummm...” Marlee fumbled. She took a deep breath and pretended to look at her notes. Her “notes” turned out to be a softball field. “Well, I, uh...can I get back to you on that?”

“Ahh,” her teacher said knowingly. The smallest of smiles gleamed in her eyes as she said, “I thought as much.” She walked back to the front board, white board marker brandished like a sword. “Game time isn’t for,” she pointed to the classroom clock with the marker, “another five hours or so, right?” Marlee nodded. “Try to stay focused until then. Okay?” Marlee nodded vigorously.

The class sighed in collective relief as their comrade escaped the wrath of Stratton. Marlee felt her cheeks get hot. She nodded her head slowly and turned to a fresh page in her notebook. She knew she had gotten lucky that time. Mrs. Stratton wasn’t always so kind.

“Okay,” Mrs. Stratton continued, “who can tell me the answer?”

When the bell rang to signal the end of the class, Marlee packed up her books and Jeri poked her again. “Where were you, girl? You’re, like, daydreaming a lot lately.” The two friends slung their backpacks over their shoulders and filed out of Mrs. Stratton’s classroom with the other students.

Marlee felt herself blush clear to her toes. “Oh, uh, I was thinking about the game today. Gettin’ psyched.” She paused and then added laughing, “Oh, my God. I can’t believe Mrs. S called on me.”

Jeri joined her laughter and put a playful arm around Marlee’s shoulder as they walked down the hall. “Girl, what has you so distracted? Bobby? Ooh la la.”

“No,” Marlee snapped. She shrugged out of Jeri’s hold.

Surprised, Jeri took back her arm. “Okay, okay. Sore subject. I can tell. Listen, I gotta go. Can’t be late to History anymore. We’ll talk later. And you,” she jabbed a finger at Marlee, “stay awake in class.”

“GEEZ, MARLEE, C’MON. You are not warmed up,” Lisa protested. The Clarksonville Cougar catcher clearly had a different opinion than her pitcher. Lisa Brown whipped off her catcher’s mask and wiped her forehead, her long black braid swung back and forth. She showed her hand to Marlee. “Look, I haven’t even broken a sweat. Even with all this gear on. Geez.” She gestured to her shin guards, chest protector, and mask.

Marlee and Lisa had only gotten through about two-thirds of their usual warmup when the luxury bus from East Valley pulled up. Marlee shrugged. “Lisa, I’m good. Don’t worry about it. I’m loose. Go hang with the team. I have to rake.” Marlee wanted to watch the Panther players walk toward the field.

Lisa hesitated and looked about to protest, but, much to Marlee’s relief, simply shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, but if you change your mind you know where I’ll be.” She moved toward the Cougars’ team bench in obvious resignation.

Marlee pulled the rusty rake out of the tin supply shed. All the while she kept the Panther players in her peripheral vision. Marlee’s earlier vision of the afternoon, a perfect blue sky with cotton candy clouds, did not materialize. Gray clouds hung low in the cold and dreary afternoon. She scanned for Susie, as best one could using peripheral vision, but hadn’t spotted her yet. Marlee raked the pitcher’s circle over and over from every angle.

The sea of red and black Panther jackets flowed closer. She felt a quick pang of shame when she remembered that her Clarksonville Cougar softball field was vastly inferior to the East Valley field. The school district’s austerity budget made sure of that. She didn’t have time for self-pity and went back to scanning for Susie. Her throat tightened when she found the sweet face she had been searching for. She remembered to breathe, but barely.

She watched Susie get closer. Oh, my God. She’s so cute. Her heartbeat quickened and she found herself raking faster and faster. Marlee glanced at Susie and tried to take her in all at once. Her overlong glance revealed Susie’s smiling eyes, dark skin, thin waist, and, oh, that athletic walk. Realizing she had stopped raking and was practically staring, Marlee turned away and went over to rake Lisa’s catching area. She tried to suppress it, but couldn’t help the grin that snuck out on her face.

Marlee tried to figure out why she needed to look at this girl. Did this Susie remind her of someone? Did she simply admire the girl’s athleticism? Marlee couldn’t answer the questions and looked up surreptitiously once more to find Susie and became instantly annoyed that Susie walked side by side with dreaded enemy number one, Christy Loveland. Christy looked mean in her red and black uniform, but Susie was a different story. Susie’s Panther jacket hugged her thin waist and Marlee couldn’t help but notice Susie’s strong legs. Marlee looked at Christy again and frowned. Why does Susie have to be with her?

THE EAST VALLEY players tossed their gear on the ground, and for the second time that afternoon, Marlee felt self-conscious about the Cougars’ home field. The outfield grew more dandelions than grass and the fence wasn’t even real. An old wooden snow fence stood about four feet high and almost half of the wooden slats were either broken or missing. There were no water fountains, no dugouts, and just a couple of wobbly wooden benches that you didn’t dare slide on because splinters would be your reward. There were no stadium lights, of course, which meant no night games. And the Clarksonville High School softball field wasn’t even level. Center field sloped down toward the nearby school building.

“Kiddo,” Coach Spears yelled to Marlee, breaking her out of her reverie. “You’re going to give yourself blisters. You’re done raking. Come over to the bench.” Coach Spears turned from Marlee and greeted the Panther coach.

Marlee growled in frustration at the interruption, but decided she’d better follow her coach’s order. She took a deep breath, leaned the rake against the supply shed, although it was supposed to go in the shed, and walked to her team bench. She passed the rickety five-tier bleachers, cracked and weathered with age. The few brave Cougar fans wore winter coats, scarves, and gloves. They had even created a huddled community under heaps of blankets. She didn’t bother to look for her mother because her mother couldn’t take time away from her real estate job. Marlee waved to the die-hard fans and knew that April in the North Country could be rough on outdoor spectators.

Marlee clapped Jeri on the back and said, “Are we going to rock their world today or what?”

“Sure, if Christy has the flu,” Jeri joked and retied her cleats. This was one of her pregame rituals. Her curly dark hair spilled over her forehead and she brushed it back with annoyance.

“Hand me my hat, Marlee. You had the right idea when you cut your hair short. This is so annoying.”

Marlee handed her friend the requested hat. “I don’t expect them to hit anything today, but on the off chance they do manage to hit one to center field, catch it, will ya?”

“Aww, they won’t hit a thing today because Marlee, future All-County pitcher, is on the mound. Okay, there’s no mound in softball, I know,” she amended, “but it sounds better than in the circle.” Pregame rituals complete, she added, “Just do me a favor and throw the pitches Lisa calls for.” She wagged a teasing finger in Marlee’s face. “Coach said you’ve got to listen to Lisa.”

Marlee snapped her teeth together as if to bite the finger. “Yeah, and at five-foot-nine, Lisa could probably beat me up if I don’t listen.”

“We should’ve asked her to come with us to the game last Friday,” Jeri said.

Marlee hadn’t even considered asking Lisa to the game. Lisa could have sized up the batters with her. “Yeah, we should have. I don’t know why we didn’t think of it.” Maybe, Marlee mused, she hadn’t considered taking Lisa since they only hung out at softball. And besides, Lisa was a sophomore, a year younger than Marlee, and they didn’t hang in the same social circles. What social circles? The me and Bobby social circle of two? She dismissed Bobby’s brief intrusion. Big game. No time for distractions. At that moment the umpires called for the captains’ circle.

Marlee and Jeri grabbed their gloves from the bench and jogged to home plate. Christy Loveland sauntered over with a cool I’ve-done-this-a-thousand-times groove. Marlee frowned. Did she and Jeri look like complete idiots running over? She yanked her hat off with her left hand and raked her right hand through her short hair in an attempt to cover her embarrassment.

The home plate umpire asked the players to introduce themselves and shake hands. Ground rules gone over, he reminded the players about their responsibilities as captains. This responsibility included good sportsmanship, but Marlee knew that Christy Loveland wasn’t going to be a good sport after Marlee pitched her perfect game against them. After the brief meeting, Marlee and Jeri coolly sauntered back to the Cougar team bench.

“Home team, take the field,” the umpire yelled and leaned over to brush off home plate.

Marlee’s stomach did a flip. She wanted to run to the pitcher’s circle, but willed herself to play it cool and walked out calmly and with confidence. If ever there was a day to pitch flawlessly, this was it.

“C’mon, Marlee,” Lisa yelled from behind the plate, “fire it in here.” She pounded her catcher’s mitt.

Marlee threw her five warmup pitches and felt strong and confident. She still felt strong and confident even after the first Panther batter swatted a single down the right field line. One runner on, no big deal, Marlee thought. I’ll just pitch a one-hitter today. She had to amend her one-hitter dream of glory to a two-hitter dream when the second batter beat out a bunt up the first base line. Marlee couldn’t figure out what was going wrong with her grand plan when she walked the third batter to load the bases. With no outs, big hitter Susie Torres, #7, was due up next.

Marlee McAllister, #3, tried to stay calm, cool, and collected. But when she watched Susie take her last practice swing in the on-deck circle her knees went rubbery again. God, she looks strong.

Susie walked up to the plate wielding her bat like a weapon. Marlee felt a stone form in the pit of her stomach. Susie adjusted her helmet and stepped into the batter’s box. The end of her ponytail stuck out of the bottom of her helmet. Susie turned her head and stared straight at Marlee. Marlee gasped. Oh, my God, she’s looking right at me. And I’m looking right at her. The realization hit her like a freight train. Everyone will see. She admonished herself to keep cool. No one knows. But it was this last thought that took her completely by surprise. No one knows what? She tucked the question away like a package she’d open later.

Lisa pounded her mitt. Marlee gripped the ball and fired. Low fastball. Strike one. Marlee smiled. Strike one on Susie Torres, #7. Lisa called for a curve ball and Marlee delivered. This time Susie connected with the pitch. Marlee’s heart leapt when Susie smacked a foul ball deep down the left field line.

“Way to go, #3,” Lisa called out to Marlee. “Just a long strike, eh? One more now.”

Marlee figured Lisa would call for the change-up. She did. But Marlee figured Susie would look for the change-up so she thought a two-strike rise ball just might fool her. She wound up and threw as hard as she could. The ball rose all right, right at Susie’s head. Susie jerked her head out of the way in time but fell to the ground. Thankfully, Lisa caught the errant pitch. Mortified, Marlee turned around and looked at Jeri in center field. Jeri opened her mouth in a big laugh and flipped her thumb around in the international beanball sign. Marlee shrugged that she hadn’t meant it. Jeri made the sign again. Marlee turned around and saw that Susie had already gotten up and was brushing dirt from her uniform. Susie stepped into the batter’s box again and adjusted her helmet. She then did something that shook Marlee to the core. Susie, slowly and deliberately, turned her head to face Marlee and grinned right at her. Marlee swallowed hard. Susie had noticed her all right, but this was not the way she had wanted to be noticed.

Marlee could sense more than see Coach Spears on the sidelines getting agitated. Coach’s hair must be getting grayer by the minute. At least, Marlee thought, she wasn’t sending in Kerry, their relief pitcher. Yet. Marlee decided to stick to pitching the pitches that Lisa called. Lisa called for the change-up again. And Marlee threw it. And Susie slammed it into center field over Jeri’s head. In fact, Susie whacked the ball so far that it went over the dilapidated snow fence and smacked right into the school building. Susie Torres, #7, who was supposed to strike out in every at-bat, had just hit a grand slam homerun off Marlee McAllister, #3, future First-Team All-County pitcher.

Marlee usually kicked the dirt or pounded her fist into her glove whenever somebody hit a homerun off her. Not this time. She just watched Susie trot around the bases, and was pleased, secretly. Susie had hit a homerun, no a grand slam, off her.

The next three Panther batters in turn grounded out, struck out, and flied out. The score was 0-4 when the Cougars came up to bat in the bottom of the first inning. Although Marlee was happy for Susie, she was also annoyed at herself for her part in causing her team to fall so far behind this early in the game.

Jeri, the Cougar’s lead-off batter, surprised everybody, including herself, by hitting a single in the three-four hole off powerhouse Christy Loveland. The next Cougar batter put down a sacrifice bunt and moved Jeri to second base. With one out, Marlee stepped up to bat. She looked to her coach for the signs. Jeri was going to steal third base on the next pitch. Marlee was supposed to swing late and miss the first pitch on purpose in order to be in the catcher’s way. It was kind of a dirty trick but all the teams did it. She thought about ignoring her coach’s sign and swinging away, but she remembered what had happened when she ignored Lisa’s call for a pitch, a beanball right to Susie’s head. Marlee pulled her helmet low over her eyes, dug her heels in, took one last practice swing and waited for the Christy Loveland fastball she knew was coming. The fastball sailed right down the middle of the plate just like she expected. It took all of Marlee’s might to swing a split-second late and miss.

“Strike one!” the umpire yelled. Meanwhile, Jeri sprinted to third. The Panther catcher threw the ball around Marlee. Jeri slid. Safe! Jeri was safe at third base.

Marlee looked at her coach again for the signs. Hit away. Christy threw the next pitch, but Marlee didn’t swing because the ball was a little low. “Strike two,” the umpire said with much more enthusiasm than Marlee thought was necessary. Marlee fouled off the third pitch and wondered what Christy would throw next. Marlee knew that pitchers tried to throw each pitch with the exact same motion so the batter couldn’t guess the pitch. Marlee, however, saw the slight change when Christy gripped the ball. A change-up was coming. Marlee waited until the slower-moving ball reached the plate and then swung with all her might. She hit the ball deep into the left-center field gap. Marlee ran so fast she wasn’t sure her feet touched the ground. She couldn’t see, but knew Jeri was scoring the Cougars’ first run. Kerry, the first base coach, waved her around to go to second. As Marlee headed toward second base she saw Susie pick up the ball at the snow fence. It’s gonna be close. She pumped her arms and dug in hard on the infield dirt. She heard her teammates yell excitedly from the sidelines.

From the ondeck circle, Lisa shouted, “Slide, Marlee, slide!” Marlee slid. The second baseman caught the throw and put the tag on Marlee’s shoulder.

“Safe!” the field umpire yelled throwing both arms out to her side. The Panther second baseman started to protest the call, but stopped, clearly thinking better of it. Marlee asked for time. “Time,” the umpire announced and put her hand in the air. The second baseman put out her hand to help Marlee up. This girl was one of the enemy, but Marlee made a quick decision and stuck out her hand in response. The girl helped her up.

“Thanks, man,” Marlee said.

“No problem. Nice hit, by the way.” The girl tossed the ball back to Christy and said low to Marlee, “And you were safe.” She winked and scurried back to her position.

Marlee dusted herself off and thought about asking the friendly second baseman about their left fielder. But she couldn’t figure out what to ask and she didn’t know what she’d say if the girl asked her why she wanted to know.

Lisa hit in the Cougars’ cleanup spot and Marlee knew that if Lisa could get hold of one of Christy’s fastballs it would be over the fence. Lisa did get hold of the first pitch, but instead of going over the fence, the ball sailed deep into the same left-center field gap that Marlee used to get on base. Marlee sprinted to third and didn’t slow down when she saw her coach wave her around third to score. She set her sights on home plate. Her teammates yelled for her to stay up, but Marlee slid anyway and then rolled over to see how far Lisa had gotten. Second base. The Panther second baseman stuck out her hand to help Lisa get up. Marlee smiled. The Cougars had just hit two doubles and scored two runs, and the Panther second baseman didn’t seem the least bit concerned. Marlee smiled in amazement and ran to her waiting teammates. She got the biggest hug from Jeri.

“Way to go, pitcher,” Jeri said. “Show Christy how it’s done.”

Marlee didn’t care about Christy, though. She snuck a peak toward left field. Susie shook her head and pounded her glove on her leg.

I guess I made an impression, all right.

“Way to go, kid.” Coach Spears gave Marlee a pat on the back.

Although both teams managed to get a few base runners during the next several innings, Marlee’s team was still losing by a score of 2-4 at the end of the sixth. At the top of the seventh, Marlee ran out to the pitcher’s circle and counted her lucky stars that she was still in the game. She hadn’t had the best pitching start of her career and getting yanked from the game would have been humiliating in front of Susie. And since the temperature had dropped steadily throughout the game, riding the pine in the cold weather would have added insult to injury.

The first Panther batter of the seventh inning, their friendly second baseman, hit a high fly ball toward Jeri in center field. “Can of corn, Jeri. Can of corn,” Marlee yelled as Jeri kept her promise and caught the pop up easily.

Susie was the next Panther batter up. Marlee watched Susie make her way to the batter’s box. Lisa jumped up and called time-out. She met Marlee half way to the pitcher’s circle. She had a serious look on her face. “Let’s pitch around her again. No more homeruns today, okay?” Marlee agreed.

Marlee did indeed pitch around Susie and walked her for the third time that day. Fortunately for the Cougars, the next Panther batter grounded into a double play and the Cougars were due up for their last turn at bat.

Marlee and Lisa made their way to the Cougar bench. Lisa said, “I hated walking their left fielder like that.”

“Yeah! How do you think I feel? It’s a stain on my pitching record.” Marlee swooned.

“Geez, you’re so weird, Marlee.” Lisa took off her catcher’s gear. “I’d almost like to keep this gear on, it’s so cold.”

“Yeah, well, unless a miracle happens I think this game is gonna be over in three batters. The bottom of our order is up.” Marlee plopped on the team bench.

Lisa did jumping jacks to keep warm. She said, “That Christy just throws harder and harder as the game goes on, eh?”

“Yeah, I know,” Marlee agreed. “I can’t believe she struck me out twice. She’s so annoying.”

Jeri joined them. “Yeah, well what do you expect? Our team only got four hits today. Coach is gonna have a fit about that. We’ve just gotta figure out what to do for next time, right?”

True to Marlee’s prediction, each and every one of the Cougar batters struck out in turn.

Jeri said, “C’mon, let’s get this over with.” She patted Marlee on the shoulder.

Marlee had gotten so caught up in the excitement of the game that she completely forgot about the post-game high-five line. She trembled. She wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or from her nerves. Probably both. The butterflies that had disappeared during the game returned with every single one of their cousins.

Her mind raced. This would be the first time she would speak to Susie. She had to say something clever. Something more clever than the usual “good game.” She wanted to say something personal so Susie would remember her. She still hadn’t thought of anything when she reached Christy Loveland in the line.

“Nice pitching” Christy said and moved on.

Marlee thought it weird that Christy had complimented her. They were mortal enemies. Didn’t she know that? In the one and a half seconds it took to ponder that thought, Marlee found herself face-to-face with Susie.

Susie smiled and said, “Nice game.” She kept her hand up for the required high-five.

Marlee looked into Susie’s dark brown eyes and almost drowned in their softness. She couldn’t believe she was about to touch Susie Torres right there in front of everybody. Marlee wiped her sweaty hand on her dusty softball pants. She put up her hand and blurted, “Nice grand slam.”

Susie looked at Marlee as if seeing her for the first time. Marlee melted. “Well, thanks for the nice pitch.” And then Susie did something that almost made Marlee pass out. Susie leaned in close and whispered in Marlee’s ear, “And thanks for not hitting me with that pitch in the first inning.”

Jeri shoved Marlee along. But oh, how Marlee wanted to stay and talk to Susie. She wanted to tell her how beautiful she was or that she loved her smile or how she made Marlee’s knees weak and her stomach flippy. Of course, she’d never muster up the courage to tell her any of that, but she might have gotten bold enough to flick that distracting lock of hair off Susie’s forehead. Marlee smiled, and then frowned. What is happening to me? These new feelings alternately confused and scared her, but they thrilled her, too.

Marlee gathered her wits along with her equipment. She looked around for Jeri and in disbelief found her talking to Susie and Christy. Jeri’s small frame made her look positively tiny compared to the behemoth pitcher. Marlee stopped putting her equipment in her bag and stared wide-eyed at the three of them. Jeri, conversation obviously over, turned around and made her way back to the Cougars’ bench.

“You know her?” Marlee asked in an accusing whisper.

“Christy?”

Not Christy, for goodness sakes. Susie! But she let Jeri think she had meant Christy. “Uh, yeah.”

“No, not really, but I kinda know Susie. My dad knows Susie’s dad, Mr. Torres.” Jeri threw her cleats in her bag. “Now, I don’t know how you’re gonna feel about this, but we’ve been invited to East Valley on Friday.” Jeri gestured toward the visitors’ bench. “What d’ya think? You game?”

“Game?” Marlee’s voice cracked. She cleared her throat and replied with as much cool as she could muster. “Uh, yeah. That’d be cool, I guess.”

Marlee turned to get her gear so she could make her way to the locker room when she noticed Bobby in the parking lot leaning against his Camaro. She groaned. She had forgotten he was going to pick her up after the game. She just wanted to go home. Go home and think about Susie.

Chapter Three

Friday Night

MARLEE HAD ABOUT an hour before Jeri came to pick her up for their Friday night trek to East Valley. Marlee stood in front of her open closet door and stared at the assortment of clothes. An ever growing pile of rejected jeans, t-shirts, turtlenecks, and sweaters littered the bed and the braided rug on the hardwood floor. The overhead light, the lamp on her crowded desk, and the lamp on her bedside stand did nothing to illuminate her dilemma over what to wear.

She sighed and plopped her weary body into her father’s olive green recliner. Even though the arms of the bulky chair kept getting caught on the walls of the narrow stairwell, she and her mother wrestled the beast into her bedroom several years earlier. They had done this on the one year anniversary of her father’s death. Marlee had been eleven years old the winter her father died. A drunk driver hit her father’s car and sent both cars sliding out of control on the icy hill near Levey’s Corner. Her father had died at the scene. “Instantly,” they had said. The other driver survived.

Thinking about her father made her feel instant remorse. She had lied to Bobby about her plans for that evening and her father wouldn’t have liked it. She looked at Bobby’s picture across the room on her desk. His big-toothed grin and disheveled hair made him look boyish, but his football uniform and gear definitely gave him a certain manliness that Marlee admired. She liked the way his thin strawberry blond mustache and pink cheeks, colored from playing football, took the edge off his testosterone laden look.

Bobby had driven up from Southfork just about every weekend for the past three months, ever since they had met, and they would usually go bowling or ice skating or to a movie, but lately he just wanted to go to Lake Birch. This week, when Marlee called to cancel another Friday night with him, he came up on Thursday. And once again, he took her to Lake Birch.

Bobby turned the Camaro into the pine lined entrance. He said, “Usually by now you’ve told me all about the trouble you and Jeri have gotten into or how you guys beat East Valley. Why so quiet?” His bulky Southfork letterman’s jacket made him look immense in the tight confines of the sports car. The jacket screamed jock, but Marlee didn’t mind since she was a bit of a jock herself. His large hand stroked her left thigh just above the knee. When she had first gotten in the car he held her hand, but somewhere along the way his hand had moved.

“First of all,” she corrected him, “you saw the last inning of the game on Tuesday and you know we lost to East Valley. And that’s probably why I don’t want to talk about that.” She scrunched up her nose as if to say, “Subject closed.” “And secondly, I’ll have you know, Jeri’s been a good girl this week.” She decided not to tell him about getting caught daydreaming in Mrs. Stratton’s class. She didn’t want to compound her already growing list of lies.

“Oh,” he said with a grin, “I noticed you didn’t say that you had been a good girl this week.” He pulled the car into their usual spot in a far corner of the unlit parking lot. Before the night was through, a few more cars would also claim territory.

Marlee felt the chill of the evening creep in through the closed windows. Bobby put the car in park and turned off the engine. He grinned, eyebrows suggestive. “So tell me why you’ve been a bad girl.” The pressure on her thigh increased.

Marlee grabbed his hand and held it. “Oh, please,” she admonished. “Look, it’s just been a busy week what with games starting and all. I guess I’m just tired.” She smiled up at him hoping he wouldn’t sense her distraction.

He leaned over from the driver’s seat and pulled her into a hug. “Oh, I know, babe. You’ve got such a busy schedule. Softball, school, softball.” He stroked her hair as if to soothe her pain.

His tight grip made Marlee feel a bit claustrophobic so she pulled out of his embrace. At first he seemed reluctant to release her, but then he eased up and grabbed her hand again.

“Yeah, and tomorrow night, Jeri and I have that math project to do.” Another lie, but she didn’t want him to find out about the trip to East Valley.

“You told me.” He pulled her hand over to rest on his thigh.

“What kind of project?”

“We have to do this oral report about calculus.”

“Oral?”

“Cut it out.” Marlee poked him in the arm. She frantically scanned her brain for calculus topics. “Um,” she stammered, “we have to find out what Newton did for calculus.” Yeah, that’s it.

“Okay. Well, yeah. Sounds like a real exciting Friday night.” He pulled her into another embrace. “How about Saturday? Can your boyfriend, who drives over fifteen miles each way to see you, get some quality time on Saturday?” He stroked her cheek.

She felt guilty lying to him. “Yeah, yeah, of course. All day if you want.”

“All day, babe?” The lilt in his voice gave away his thoughts. “I’ll have to come up with something. Something we can do all day, mmm, all day,” he murmured almost to himself as he cupped Marlee’s chin and kissed her fully. He slid his arm around her and pulled her close. She had to put her arms around his broad shoulders in order to keep her balance in the Camaro’s bucket seat.

Bobby was the first boyfriend she’d ever had, besides a quick crush on a boy in sixth grade that ended before it even started. So that probably didn’t count. She had never even kissed a boy before Bobby.

He moved on to kiss Marlee’s neck and then an earlobe. She always got shivers when he did that and Thursday night was no exception. He must have felt her shiver and returned to kiss her softly on the lips. She kissed him back, but her mind wandered to Susie. Susie fixing her hair, Susie running around the bases, and, oh, Susie whispering in her ear. Heat surged through her veins. She imagined Susie in the driver’s seat, she couldn’t help herself. She pretended it was Susie, not Bobby, who held her head firmly and kissed her. Delicious sensations, sensations she had never felt before, started low in her belly and spread like fire through her body. Marlee moaned and pulled Bobby closer. He increased the pressure on the back of her head. His moustache tickled her upper lip.

Moustache. Bobby! Oh, shit. She struggled out of his embrace. “I, I can’t,” she stammered. “I have to go home.” Her body had responded. But not to him. She didn’t want him to receive the loud and clear message her body had sent. Wrong number.

“What?” Bobby exclaimed, anger in his voice. He sighed loudly and said in a softer voice. “Babe, I just want to be close to you. That’s all.”

“I know. I know. But I told you before. I’m not ready. I don’t want you to think I’m leading you on. I’m...” She took a deep breath, “I’m not ready. I gotta go home. I have homework.”

Marlee couldn’t believe she had been pretending to kiss Susie. Susie was a girl. A girl! She pressed herself against the cold door and closed her eyes against the confusing emotions swirling through her head. She hoped he would start the car so they could leave. She had some serious thinking to do.

He sighed, resigned to his fate. “Okay, Babe. Fine. I’ll be right back. I gotta pee.” She looked over at him as the interior light broke the darkness and was shocked at his red-faced expression. She wasn’t sure if he was angry or frustrated or just aroused. Probably all three. She closed her eyes again for a moment and shook her head. She couldn’t keep stringing him along. He had expectations. She had no guidelines and didn’t know the rules for this sort of thing, but something had to give and soon. She had the feeling he wasn’t going to stick around much longer unless she allowed him to get physical with her. This was the first time she had ever felt anything that intense with Bobby. But, she reminded herself, she hadn’t been kissing Bobby. She had been kissing Susie. Susie Torres, #7.

The ride back to her house was even quieter than on the way out. The McAllisters’ house, a century-old farmhouse on thirty acres, sat isolated on the west side of C.R. 62. Bobby usually pulled the Camaro up the long gravel driveway past the wrap-around front porch and stopped the car at the kitchen door on the right side of the house. This time, though, he pulled into the driveway scarcely off the two-lane road and stopped.

She took that as her signal to exit. “See you Saturday?”

“Whatever.” She had barely gotten out when he threw the car in reverse and hit the gas. Gravel and dirt flew everywhere as he slammed back onto the road. He squealed his exit into the night.

Why am I not head over heels for him? Marlee wondered as she walked the long driveway.

“Honey,” Marlee’s mother called up from the kitchen. “I think I hear Jeri pulling in.” Marlee’s mother, Marge, didn’t look her forty-two years of age. Her mother’s short stature was proof enough that Marlee had gotten most of her genes from her late father, Bill. He had been tall and lanky, like Marlee, who had been looking down four inches at her mom since freshman year. Marlee’s thick blond hair also came from her father’s side of the family. Her mother’s hair was fine and dark brown, the color of the paneling in their living room. In fact, most people didn’t know they were related when first meeting them.

“Okay, Mom. I’m coming,” Marlee called down from her room at the top of the stairs. She shoved the pile of discarded clothes into a corner. She had spent an incredible amount of time fretting over her attire for the evening and took one last look in the mirror. She had finally decided on a pair of faded, but clean, blue jeans, a plain white long-sleeved T-shirt, with a long-sleeved denim shirt on top. Her mother always told her she looked good in blue, because it brought out the color of her eyes. She also put on the gold earrings that her mother had given her for Christmas, a bracelet Bobby had given her, and her father’s gold watch. She decided not to wear her Cougar blue Clarksonville High School sweatshirt and tossed it onto her father’s recliner. A sweatshirt was way too casual. She nodded at her reflection, pleased with the final result.

Marlee never wore much jewelry and prayed that Jeri wouldn’t say anything about the change. She did, however, hope that Susie would notice. Susie had only seen her in her softball uniform and had no idea what kind of clothes Marlee wore. And, on the flip side, Marlee had never seen Susie in street clothes, either. Butterflies danced in her stomach, but so far her knees remained steady. Marlee bounded down the back stairs that led to the kitchen.

“Marlee,” her mother reprimanded, “you’re going to wear out those stairs.” She sounded exasperated, but Marlee knew her mother was teasing. “So where are you and Jeri going this evening? Are you meeting up with Bobby?”

Marlee stammered a little because she knew her mother liked Bobby. “Um,” she hesitated, “no, we’re having a girls’ night out tonight.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, no boys allowed. We’re meeting up with the softball team from East Valley.” Marlee put her warm winter coat on over the denim shirt. She noticed her mother’s expression. “What? We can’t hang out with them?”

“I didn’t say anything.” Her mother threw her hands up in mock defense and did her best to look innocent.

“Yeah, but you had a face on.”

“I didn’t know you would, what’s the phrase, hang on with your arch nemesis.” The sarcasm was very clear in her mother’s tone.

“Mom,” Marlee exclaimed, “it’s hang out, not hang on. You are such a dweeblet sometimes.”

“Dweeblet,” her mother mused. “I’m sure that’s not a compliment.” She sat down at the large round table in the spacious country kitchen. “And when are we going to have our own girls’ night? That Ellen Page you like has a new movie out.”

Jeri’s car door slammed and Marlee heard Jeri’s quick footsteps echo on the gravel in the quiet chill of the evening.

“I know, Mom. We’ve both been busy. The first thing you’ve got to do is get to one of my games. You missed most of them last season.” Marlee meant it to sound like a tease, but it came out more like an accusation.

“Oh, I know, honey. I’m up to my eyeballs with work. Since we expanded our territory, I’ve got to travel all over the North Country.” She pushed a renegade lock of hair behind her ear. “Let me know when you play the Panthers next. That’s the real enemy, right? I’ll...” she hesitated, “make arrangements.” She patted Marlee on the arm.

Jeri yanked open the squeaky screen door and barreled her way through the inside storm door. “Anybody home?” Jeri bellowed.

“Chill out, Jeri. We’re right here.” Marlee put her hands over her ears in mock pain. “Okay Mom, we’re going. I’ve got my cell phone and my house key and I’ll be home by midnight.” All three of them said the word midnight at the same time and then broke out laughing. There had been many an argument about that particular curfew time, especially when Marlee and Bobby had been hanging out with Jeri and Dave. The boys liked to stay out well into the morning hours, but Marge McAllister would have none of it. She insisted her daughter be in by midnight. And as of yet, Marlee had not once missed her curfew.

Jeri turned the Mustang around in the McAllister driveway.

“So,” Marlee asked, “tell me again how you know Susie...and Christy.” She was proud of herself for throwing Christy’s name in at the last second.

Jeri gunned the engine and spun the wheels on the gravel driveway. “Oops, sorry. Hope your mom didn’t see that.” She eased up on the accelerator and cautiously turned onto C.R. 62. “I really don’t know them, know them. In fact, I don’t know Christy at all. Mr. Torres, Susie’s dad, sells my dad paper stuff for the restaurant like napkins, placemats, and stuff. And you know my dad. He invites people to the restaurant all the time.”

Marlee, of course, did know Jeri’s father. He spoke with a slight Italian accent and had big arms that pulled you into a bear hug if you got too close. His extra large frame betrayed the fact that he liked his own cooking. “You come to D’Amico’s,” Marlee said mimicking Jeri’s father. “We take care of you.”

Jeri laughed. “Yeah, something like that. So my dad invited Susie’s dad to the restaurant. He brought the whole family, Susie’s mom, grandmother, Susie, and her little brother. I don’t know that much about her, but she looked familiar at the game the other day and then it clicked. I haven’t talked to her since last summer when her family came into the restaurant.”

Marlee looked out the windshield into the endless night. The headlights carved a narrow slice through the darkness on the road that would take her to Susie. She wasn’t sure why, but she was glad that Jeri hardly knew Susie.

Jeri nudged Marlee with her elbow. “Hey, you and Bobby should come by the restaurant tomorrow. I’m working the pizza side. My mom’s working the restaurant side so we can hang if I’m not busy. And speaking about Bobby—”

“I wasn’t. You were. This is girls’ night. Remember? No guy talk.”

“Okay, okay. Grouch.” Jeri pouted. She changed the subject. “We’re going to Christy Loveland’s house, by the way. Christy’s parents are out of town and Susie says that the team usually hangs out there. I have no idea what’s in store for us, but there probably won’t be any guys. Hope that’s okay.”

Marlee rolled her eyes and said, “That’s good, seeing how it’s supposed to be girls’ night and besides, the last thing Bobby needs to find out is that I ditched him to spend time with a bunch of guys.” Would Susie want to be at a party full of guys?

Although the thirty-five-mile trip to East Valley only took about forty-five minutes, it seemed like hours to Marlee. With so many cars parked in front of Christy’s two-story suburban house they had to park four houses away in front of a similar two-story house.

Marlee grabbed Jeri’s jacket by the sleeve as they walked up toward the house. “Jeri, this isn’t their victory party, is it? That would be really mean to invite us to their victory party. Don’t you think?”

Jeri made a show of extracting Marlee’s hand from her sleeve, finger by finger. “Susie seems cool. Can’t vouch for Christy, but I don’t think Susie would do that. She told me to invite some people from our team. I could have asked some other people, Lisa I guess, but I figured we’d better check this out first.” Jeri smiled with her eyes and winked.

Marlee laughed. “Oh, my God, who are you? Coach Spears? You’re winking now?” She smacked Jeri’s arm and then opened the outside screen door. Jeri was just about to knock when the solid oak front door opened and a blast of loud music hit them.

“Yo. No violence at my house or I’ll have to kick some butt.” Christy opened the heavy door to let them in. “Look everybody. The infamous Cougar team is here. C’mon in.”

Marlee started to introduce herself, but Christy interrupted her. “I believe we’ve already met.” At Marlee’s perplexed expression, Christy said, “Home plate? Tuesday? Captains’ circle?”

“Oh, yeah,” Marlee stammered. “Duh. How could I forget?”

They all shook hands and Christy, towering over Jeri, put a strong arm around Jeri’s bony shoulders. “Ahh, Jeri D’Amico of the famous D’Amico’s Italian Restaurant in beautiful downtown Clarksonville. Glad you could make it.” She steered Jeri toward the kitchen.

Marlee was left to fend for herself. She recognized almost all of the East Valley players in the over-large sunken living room. As she looked around for Susie she couldn’t believe how fast her heart was beating. She scanned the faces from couch to couch to couch, but Susie’s face was not among them. A few of the girls had moved the oversized coffee table to one side of the room and danced together while others talked over the loud music. Some of the girls had beer that looked like Genesee Cream Ale by the green label, but most seemed to be drinking pop. Several of the East Valley players stopped their conversation to look at her standing at the threshold of the living room. Marlee felt like a deer on the first day of hunting season.

“Hey, Pitcher!” someone called out enthusiastically. The friendly East Valley second baseman smiled and waved at her from the impromptu dance floor.

“Hey, uh, Second Base!” Marlee called back. The other Panther players went back to their conversations now that Marlee, a potential intruder, had been tagged friendly. The second baseman had already turned back to her friends and Marlee wasn’t sure what to do. Maybe Susie was in the kitchen with Christy and Jeri.

She’d almost made it to the kitchen when somebody tapped her on the shoulder from behind. Adrenaline torpedoed through her body. Susie. It had to be. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought it might burst from her chest.

A soft voice said, “Excuse me, but that’ll be five bucks.”

Marlee instantly recognized the sweet voice of a certain left fielder. She reached for the wall to steady herself as she turned around.

Susie’s brown eyes lit up when she said, “We simply cannot let a Cougar walk around in this Panther house free of charge, can we?”

Marlee melted. I could get lost in those brown eyes. I can’t believe I’m standing right here next to her. Susie’s soft-as-rain auburn hair fell loosely around her face with a few locks brushed in front of both shoulders. She wore black jeans, a tight dark green youth softball t-shirt that complemented her hair perfectly, and a gold necklace that said ‘Susana.’ She’s stunning. Even in a t-shirt. And she’s talking to me. Marlee’s cheeks got very warm.

Marlee cleared her throat and hoped her voice would not betray her. Sounding astonishingly normal, she said, “A five I don’t have, but I think maybe you owe me for that grand slam pitch I served you on Tuesday.”

“Ahh, a pitcher with a sense of humor. Look, I was only getting even for that pitch you threw at my head. Oh, and that double of yours? I had to run after it, you know. Here, give me your coat.” She hung the coat on a hook near the front door and then led Marlee toward the kitchen. “Did you guys find the house all right?”

“Yeah, but it took us forever to get here.”

“Yup, I know. About forty-five minutes, right? And in May your team has to trek all the way back here to play us. I hope by then you’ll learn how to throw pitches that don’t hit people.”

“I didn’t hit you,” Marlee protested. “You know I didn’t do it on purpose.”

Susie smiled and her nose crinkled up. “I know, Marlee. I’m just teasing you. C’mon.”

They found Jeri and Christy in full command of the kitchen table and Jeri, of course, had already lit a cigarette and had a can of beer in front of her.

Christy got up and opened the refrigerator door. “Cold one, Marlee?” Christy held out a Genny Cream Ale toward her.

“No, thanks. Gotta stay in shape. We gotta play those Panthers again soon,” she joked and hoped Christy didn’t think she was a straight-laced prude. “Got any pop?”

Marlee accepted a root beer. Christy offered the can of beer to Susie.

“No thanks, Christy. I’m taking the night off, too.”

“Well, fine then,” Christy feigned indignation, although Marlee detected a hint of the real thing. “Go on, keep your halos.” She waved them back toward the living room, “I’m in conference with Ms. D’Amico.” Clearly dismissed, Marlee let Susie lead her back into the living room.

Susie introduced her teammates to Marlee not only by name, but also by what position they played in the field. Marlee relayed what kinds of pitches each of them liked and teased that she would, of course, not throw any of their favorite pitches to them at their next game. This seemed to help break the ice. She had sensed that the East Valley players hadn’t quite known how to handle two Clarksonville players in their midst. The East Valley players were friendly and she liked them almost as much as she liked the players on her own softball team. Almost. The East Valley Panthers were still her mortal enemies, after all.

The Panther second baseman, whose name was Samantha, Sam for short, put a movie in the DVD player. Marlee thought Sam looked like a model, not a softball player. Sam’s blond hair hung loose, instead of bound in the high ponytail she seemed to prefer for playing. Everyone wanted a piece of the prime real estate on the couch directly facing the wide screen plasma TV, so three more girls joined Marlee and Susie on the couch and they all scrunched together. Marlee was thigh to thigh with Susie on one side and Sam on the other.

“Are you okay?” Susie asked “We can move to the floor if you want.”

I’m more than okay. The last thing Marlee wanted to do was move. Her thigh practically burned through her blue jeans where it touched Susie. “No, no,” she stuttered. “I’m just fine here as a Marlee sandwich.” She smiled at Susie who smiled right back, right into the depths of Marlee’s soul. Her crinkly nose is so cute when she smiles.

Sam witnessed the exchange and said, “That’s the spirit, Pitcher. See? You fit right in.”

The other girls hushed them as the opening scenes from A League of Their Own came up on the screen.

When the movie reached its final scenes, Jeri and Christy had still not emerged from the kitchen to join the rest of the group. Still in conference, Marlee guessed. She, and everyone else, had heard Jeri and Christy getting louder and louder as the evening wore on. You definitely couldn’t miss Jeri D’Amico having fun. She realized she was a bit jealous that Christy monopolized Jeri’s time, but reasoned that she herself was far more interested in hanging out with Susie, anyway. So they were even.

Someone, the Panther third baseman maybe, got up and turned the movie off. She then made an announcement. “It’s time for Truth or Dare.” A hushed excitement fell over the room. When the questioning started on the opposite end of the room, Marlee relaxed a little. She learned more about the East Valley players than she ever wanted to know. She learned who had cheated on a test and who had cut school. Eventually Marlee’s turn came up. When asked, she said, “Truth.” The question was, “Who was your first love?” She didn’t hesitate and answered, “Bobby.” But as soon as Marlee got the word out she regretted it. What would Susie think? After several moments of oohing and ahhing from her new friends for details, the game went on to someone else.

Marlee looked at her watch and saw that it was just past 11:00. In a panic she excused herself from the game and hurried to the kitchen to let Jeri know that they had to leave right away if Marlee was going to make her midnight curfew.

Marlee stopped short at the kitchen doorway and saw Jeri sprawled on the floor laughing. Christy was doubled over laughing hysterically.

“What happened?” Marlee frowned. She reached down to help Jeri get up. “Why are you on the floor?”

“Uh-oh.” Jeri struggled to get up on her own. “I’m in trouble,” she sing-songed. Christy snickered which made Jeri laugh more. “I gotta pee, I gotta pee,” Jeri exclaimed. “Which way?”

She wavered trying to face the direction Christy pointed. She careened off the refrigerator and stumbled backward. Marlee caught her before she could fall again. She recoiled at Jeri’s sour breath. “How many beers did you have, Jeri?”

Jeri burped in Marlee’s face. “See?” Jeri said to Christy. “She’s mad. I told you.” Christy guffawed loudly and steered Jeri toward the bathroom.

Marlee called after her drunken friend, “Jeri, we gotta go. I’ll be outside.” She yanked her coat off the hook by the front door and rushed out without looking back. She leaned against the split rail fence on the Lovelands’ front lawn and tried to figure out what to do.

Susie followed Marlee out the door and leaned against the fence next to her. “I’m sorry, Marlee. Christy brings out the worst in people sometimes. For some reason people are always trying to impress her. Jeri got caught in her web, it seems like.”

Marlee fought back confused and angry tears. She should have been ecstatic to have Susie all to herself, but she was too red hot to feel anything other than anger, confusion, and embarrassment.

Susie spoke with tenderness. “You guys will be all right. Tomorrow she won’t even remember what happened.”

Marlee wiped at her tears. She couldn’t look at Susie like this. She said, “What am I supposed to do? I’ve only got a learner’s permit and I’ve never driven that far in my life. And it’s dark. And how am I supposed to get home after I drop her off?”

Susie patted Marlee’s arm. “Here’s what you’re gonna do, Marlee. You’re gonna drive Jeri to your house, call her folks, and tell them Jeri is sleeping over. She can drive herself home in the morning. I’d drive you guys home, but I’m sure Jeri doesn’t want to leave her Mustang here.”

Marlee chanced a look at Susie for the first time since joining her at the fence. Susie caught Marlee’s gaze and held it. Marlee’s anger dissipated as she melted into Susie’s soft, sympathetic eyes. Without dropping her gaze, she grabbed one of Susie’s hands with both of hers and said, “Thank you. My dad died from a drunk driver...” Emotion closed her throat.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Marlee. I didn’t know.”

“That’s okay. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I feel really stupid here in front of all your friends. I wish this could have turned out differently.” Marlee’s hands trembled as she continued to hold onto Susie’s. She knew she should let go, but couldn’t figure out how to. She cleared her throat and broke the growing silence between them. “Thanks.”

Susie’s eyes softened again in sympathy for an instant, but then she stiffened and pulled her hand away. Marlee’s hands felt cold and abandoned.

“Uh,” Susie cleared her throat, “stay here. Let me go inside and see what’s happening with Jeri. I’ll get the keys.” She left Marlee alone on the fence.

Marlee hadn’t meant to act so boldly. She hadn’t meant to act at all. Oh, my God. She must think I’m a freak. I am a freak. She walked down the street toward the Mustang and prepared herself for a cold reaction when Susie returned.

Susie came back out of the house not only with Jeri’s keys, but also with Jeri herself. She helped Jeri “walk” to the car even though Jeri didn’t seem to have much control over her legs. Susie stayed the course and finally got Jeri into the passenger seat. Jeri became much more amenable once she was in the car and even allowed Susie to put the seatbelt on her. Jeri closed her eyes and sat quietly. Marlee thanked Susie again for her help, but Susie simply nodded without looking at her. Marlee swallowed as an awkward silence engulfed the two sober girls. Susie handed her the Mustang keys.

Marlee fought back tears. “I guess I have to do this, don’t I?”

“Yup. But, look.” Susie pulled a folded piece of paper from her back pocket. “Call me if you need me on your way home.”

Marlee’s hands shook as she took the paper. She didn’t trust her voice, but she managed to squeak out, “okay.” She hoped Susie couldn’t hear the pounding of her heart. She got in the car, somewhat reluctantly, and concentrated on putting the key in the ignition. She knew she was blushing furiously, but hoped Susie couldn’t tell in the darkness. Marlee was painfully aware of Susie leaning in the open window just inches away. She could almost feel the other girl’s body heat. Marlee turned the key and the sports car roared to life. She revved the engine a couple of times to cover her thunderous heartbeat. She glanced at Jeri and tried desperately to look composed as she turned back around toward Susie.

Her voice broke as she said, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Susie smiled. She stood up, patted the driver’s side door twice, and backed away. “Call me
tomorrow.”

Chapter Four

The Phone Call

MARLEE BOUNDED DOWN the stairs and grabbed the box of Cheerios from the cupboard. Call me tomorrow. That’s what Susie said. Call me tomorrow. Those three words were more powerful than any other three words Marlee had ever heard in her life. She absently poured the cereal into a bowl.

The large eat-in kitchen in the McAllister home was one of the major selling points for Marlee’s parents when they bought the old farmhouse all those years ago when Marlee was a baby. Thirty acres of open fields accompanied the two-story house, situated on C.R. 62 that connected Clarksonville to East Valley. Her parents had wanted to cultivate the land someday, but her father’s untimely death had ended that dream.

After Marlee’s father died, the mother-daughter McAllister family managed fairly well. They struggled to make ends meet at first, but Marlee’s mother found work as an office assistant for the real estate agency, North Country Homes and Land. She then took some courses at Clarksonville County Community College and eventually worked her way up to selling agent. With her father’s life insurance and her mother’s job, the two had enough to keep them out of debt and relatively happy. Marlee’s mother would never be able to get Marlee a new car for graduation like Jeri’s parents had, but at least, according to Marlee’s mother, their minivan still had a few goods years left in it.

Marlee jumped when her mother spoke.

“Did Jeri sleep over last night?”

Marlee had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard her mother come down the stairs. She got up quickly to get milk from the refrigerator so she could avoid eye contact.

“Yeah, she was kinda tired last night so she crashed here.” Not exactly a lie.

Marlee poured her milk as her mother poured her coffee.

With one eyebrow cocked in judgment, Marlee’s mother asked, “I assume she’s still sleeping?” Marlee stirred her cereal as her mother stirred her coffee.

Marlee suddenly became riveted by the Cheerios box and didn’t look up. “Uh, yeah, Mom. She has to work at the restaurant today, so I’m sure she’ll be up any time now.”

“Where did she sleep?”

“Oh,” Marlee chuckled. “Well, Patches wasn’t happy, but she slept in Dad’s recliner in my room.” Patches, at the sound of her name, jumped up on the kitchen table and made her way to Marlee’s cereal bowl. “Kitty cat,” Marlee reprimanded, “no milk for you until I’m done.” She picked up the six-year-old mostly white calico and placed her gently back on the floor. Patches seemed to accept her fate and rubbed against Marlee’s calf.

“And so what are you going to do today?” her mother asked.

“I dunno, actually. Bobby and I are supposed to do something.”

“Okay, call me and let me know. And please make sure you straighten up your room and clean Patches’ litter box before you go out. And if you get a chance, maybe you can get started on the garage. I have to get to Racquette today to show an old rundown one-hundred-acre campground to some prospective buyers from New York City.”

“Cool,” Marlee said, still distracted by the cereal box.

“So...” her mother tapped on the kitchen table to get Marlee’s attention “I won’t be home until after dinner. Make spaghetti for yourself. There’s a jar of sauce in the pantry.”

“Okay.” Marlee looked up when she heard Jeri lumber down the stairs.

“Good morning, Jeri,” Marlee’s mother said.

Jeri looked pale, almost white. “Morning, Mrs. M.” She plopped into a chair next to Marlee at the kitchen table. “Hey,” she said to Marlee.

Marlee nodded silently in her direction.

“Well, girls, I’ve got to get going if I’m going to get there. Marlee?”

Marlee looked up.

“Room, Patches, garage?”

Marlee nodded as her mother left the house loaded down with her real estate briefcase, commuter mug, and coat. “Bye, Mom.”

Once the door closed, Jeri laid her head on the table. “Ugh. I have such a headache. Girl, I am so sorry about last night. I think I remember you driving us home.” Jeri looked up and flashed her puppy dog eyes at Marlee. “Did we have a good time last night? Was the team as funny as Christy? Girl, she was so funny.”

Marlee didn’t answer. She got up and put her milky cereal bowl on the floor for Patches who darted to the bowl in a furry flash of white.

Jeri cleared her throat. “Uh, do you have any Tylenol, Advil, ice? I have such a headache.”

“Yeah, you said.” Marlee sounded uninterested. She reached into the cupboard above the kitchen sink and pulled out a bottle of Tylenol. She filled a small glass with water and handed both to Jeri.

“Thanks. I was trying to keep up beer for beer with Christy last night. That was a huge mistake.” She downed the pain medication and looked up sheepishly. “Sorry you had to drive. Are we cool?”

Marlee took a serious moment before responding. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know, Jeri. You embarrassed me in front of all those people. Susie had to help me figure out what to do with you. I called your folks on the way home and told them you were staying at my house.”

“Oh, my God! My folks!” Jeri blew out a lung full of air in relief. “Thanks for calling them. I’m probably screwed. Who did you talk to?”

“Your dad.”

“Okay, good. My dad loves you. Maybe we got lucky. What did you tell him?”

“Nothing, really. Just that you were tired, staying over here, and you’d see them tomorrow. He reminded me that you were working today, too.”

Jeri laughed, “Yeah, sounds like Dad. You didn’t tell him...you know.”

“That you had a few ‘cold ones’ with Christy? No, I kind of left that part out.”

“Thank you. I hope we got away with it this time.”

“Jeri, how about there is no next time?” Marlee let the anger show in her voice. “You know, I was so nervous driving the whole way home last night. I mean, I’ve never driven in the dark before. I’ve never driven your car before. The only car I’ve ever driven is my mom’s van and that sits, like, twenty feet above the road. Yours, I don’t know, sits like a foot off the road.”

“I’m sorry.”

Marlee’s voice got louder. “I mean, c’mon, what if a cop had pulled me over? My mom will kill me if she finds out about this, Jeri. Please promise me you won’t do anything like this again.”

Jeri hung her head and nodded. “Again, Marlee, I’m sorry. And, no, this won’t happen ever again. I promise. Are we...am I,” she amended, “banned from East Valley?”

Marlee laughed and patted her friend’s hand. She couldn’t stay mad at Jeri. “Nah. Susie and I got you out of there before you did any real damage.”

“Thanks, Marlee. You’re the best. Listen, I’d better get going. I have to handle my parents. And, ugh, I can’t believe I have to work today, too.” Jeri looked at Marlee with a pathetic smile.

Marlee pulled the Mustang keys out of her jeans pocket and held them in the air. Jeri patted Marlee on the shoulder, grabbed the keys, and headed out the door.

Once she had the house to herself, Marlee took the coveted piece of paper from her shirt pocket and lightly traced Susie’s name with her index finger. She could almost feel the burn of Susie’s thigh against her own. The sensations confused her, but she liked them nonetheless. She refolded the paper carefully, put it back in her pocket, and went upstairs to her room to start the cleaning process.

She looked at the recliner. Jeri had folded the blanket Marlee had placed over her. Marlee put it back in the hall closet. Marlee’s room was, thankfully, at the top of the stairs so she didn’t have to guide a drunken Jeri past her mother’s room. Marlee had to be extra quiet, though, when she got the blanket from the hall closet right outside her mother’s room. Luckily, she had thought to let Jeri use the bathroom downstairs before they started the trek upstairs. Marlee couldn’t believe her mother hadn’t heard them. And she had missed her curfew by fifteen minutes. Yes, they had gotten lucky this time.

The phone rang, startling Marlee. Oh, my God, she panicked. It’s Susie. I’m not ready. What am I gonna say? Breathe. Breathe, she told herself. Just as quickly, she realized that Susie didn’t have her phone number. It couldn’t be her. She picked up the cordless phone on her bedside stand.

“Hello?”

“Marlee? It’s Lisa.”

“Lisa Brown, world’s greatest catcher.” She sighed in relief. “What’s up?” Marlee picked up her Clarksonville sweatshirt that had somehow landed on the floor during the night. She hung it on the hook on the back of her closet door and started creating order out of the chaos that was her room.

“That’s what I was going to ask you. Some of us from the team are going to the Roxy tonight. They finally changed the movie,” Lisa said. “And, we’ll probably get some ice cream at Stewart’s after.”

“Sounds like fun. But Bobby’s coming over and we’re...well, actually, I don’t know what we’re doing, but he’s coming over and we’re doing something. Sorry.” A night out with Lisa and their teammates sounded like fun. A pang of loss squeezed her heart. She missed her friends like crazy. Since she’d been going out with Bobby, she had put all of her friends on hold.

“Okay. That’s cool.” Lisa’s disappointment was obvious. “Just figured I’d try. Maybe next time, eh?”

“Maybe we can play catch tomorrow,” Marlee suggested. “I gotta work on my stride for that stupid rise ball. I’ll call you, okay?”

“All right. Cool. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. See ya.” Lisa’s voice had perked up.

As she organized her room, Marlee attempted to organize her thoughts about her impending phone call to Susie. Think, think. When should I call? And what should I say? She hoped talking to her on the phone would be as easy as it had been in person.

She looked at the clock. 10:00. Too early. How about 2:00? That sounded reasonable. Not too early, not lunch time, not dinnertime. Just right. But maybe 4:00 would be better. That way it wouldn’t quite be dinnertime, and if Susie had something to do that day, maybe she’d be done and back home by then. But, no, no, 2:00 was better, because maybe Susie was sick with worry about whether they got home in one piece. She smiled thinking about Susie worrying about her. No, no, 2:00. That’s my final offer. 2:00 it is.

Marlee groaned. What should have been a two-second decision took about fifteen minutes. But the four hours she had left should be plenty of time to think of something to say to Susie. She could think about it while she cleaned the garage, but she would definitely need to write the ideas down, just so she wouldn’t forget at a crucial moment.

Marlee made her bed and looked for her beat-up lawn-mowing turned garage-cleaning sneakers. She pulled on her Cougar sweatshirt and bounded down the stairs and out the kitchen door. The screen door slammed behind her. She got goose bumps from the chill in the air, but the sky made up for it with high puffy clouds lazily making their way across the brilliant blue. Marlee filled her lungs with the crisp air and then made her way to the garage. She flicked on the light switch and almost tripped over the old red push mower. She might as well get it ready for the next inevitable lawn-mowing season. How she wished she had a John Deere riding mower like Jeri’s family. Jeri’s dad let her ride it once, but after she had mowed the D’Amicos’ entire front lawn, she realized that Mr. D’Amico had tricked her into doing his chore. But she didn’t care. It had been fun.

Marlee didn’t know how Jeri was going to function at the restaurant. She looked terrible when she left. When Bobby called, maybe she’d suggest a trip to the restaurant to see Jeri. Oh, but maybe not. Jeri might slip that she had a hangover. You don’t usually get hangovers researching calculus. And Jeri would probably be grounded by her parents after her no-show the night before anyway. Trying to keep track of the lies made Marlee very uneasy.

Marlee herself had never had a hangover. She thought about her father every day, and the drunk driver who had killed him. No, drinking was of absolutely no interest to her since alcohol could kill and take dads away from their kids.

Marlee unscrewed the mower’s gas cap and saw that the tank was near full. She choked the engine and pulled the starter rope as hard as she could. The engine sputtered, but didn’t catch. She tried a few more times, but couldn’t get the mower to catch. This was, after all, the first time she had tried to start the thing since the fall, so naturally it didn’t work. What would her dad do? She decided that he would not put the mower away and try to start it another day. No, he would probably clean the spark plug or something. Marlee removed the spark plug and remembered what her dad had said to look for. He had taught her all about spark plugs and choking the engine and sharpening the blade, even though her mother hadn’t been too keen on the idea.

The spark plug looked oily. She cleaned it off with a rag she kept in the two-car garage and then checked the gap with the spacer her dad kept on his workbench. My workbench, she thought solemnly. The unattached two-car garage, situated at the end of the long driveway, had become mostly Marlee’s domain. Her mother apparently wanted nothing to do with it other than to park the minivan on the left side. The other side had become Marlee’s work area.

She was about to give up when the mower finally roared to life in a puff of blue smoke. When she started to cough she realized she should have started the mower outside the garage and quickly cut the engine. She wheeled the mower outside and pulled the starter rope under the ancient oak tree near the garage. Her yank on the rope caused her to set the tire swing in motion. Her father had hung the old tire swing for her when she turned eight. The swing constantly reminded her of the short time she’d had with him. Beyond the tree, she and her father used to play catch. Marlee treasured the worn out spot where her Dad would catch for her. In fact, Marlee even put in an old pitcher’s rubber and a home plate Coach Spears had given her. She and Lisa sometimes practiced pitching there and Marlee always felt a little sad seeing Lisa stand where her dad used to.

Marlee took a deep breath to clear her head of the memories and couldn’t help but notice the brilliant blue sky again. What a perfect day for softball. But Coach Spears never had practices on Saturday. She wanted to, but the school administration had halted all weekend activities at the school in an effort to save money. And that included softball. The only exception the school ever made was for make-up games due to rainouts or the occasional snow-out.

Marlee cut the mower’s engine again and wheeled it back into the garage. She looked at her workbench with a sigh. She pulled her dad’s stool up to the bench and hopped on. With her left arm she swept the tools and debris off to one side. She grabbed an old piece of cardboard on the workbench and found a dull pencil in a jar with some nails. She wrote on the top of the piece of cardboard, “Brilliant Things to Say to Susie Torres, #7.” She wrote the number one and put a circle around it. Marlee put the pencil to her mouth and stared into space. Nothing came to her. She thought some more. Still nothing. With a sigh, she put the cardboard and pencil in her pocket, the same pocket with the coveted phone number and went about the business of cleaning off her workbench.

For over two-and-a-half hours she organized and cleaned up her tools. She hung them on the pegboard system she and her dad had put up. She threw out useless spare parts and old rotten pieces of wood she had stored in the garage for some reason. Workbench and garage fairly organized, Marlee went back into the house and realized that she hadn’t thought of a single thing to say to Susie.

Cardboard and pencil back in hand, Marlee paced back and forth over the braided rug in her room trying to find something clever to say to Susie. She felt stupid making a list, but didn’t want to leave anything to chance because her nerves might get the better of her and she didn’t want to sound like an idiot.

“Hey, Susie, what’s up?” Marlee said to Patches who was sleeping on the recliner. Patches opened one weary eye but didn’t answer. “Right, too casual. How about this? Hey, Susie, we got home okay last night. Good plan you had.” Marlee laughed and rolled her eyes. “Bzzt. Wrong answer. Please try again.” She tapped the pencil against the cardboard. “Susie, how are you?” Patches looked up again from the recliner. “Yeah, you’re right kitty cat. Not bad, not bad.” Keep going, Marlee thought. You’ve got more than that to say to her.

She decided to make a list of potential topics instead. She looked out her window. The grass, still brown from winter, did nothing to inspire her. She looked around her room. She noticed her Second-Team All-County batting trophy on the bookshelf above her desk. In her neatest handwriting she wrote the word softball on the cardboard and stopped. Duh, she thought, isn’t there anything else I can come up with? Was that all they had in common? Marlee furrowed her brow and felt her neck and shoulders tense up like when she didn’t pitch well.

“Wait, Patches, I know. We can talk about last night. Yeah, yeah. She can console me about having to deal with Jeri. Yeah, Jeri, the one who slept in your chair. Sorry, little one.” Marlee picked up the calico and fell back onto her recently made bed. “And I promise I’ll clean your litter box, but later after I talk to Susie. Okay?” Marlee closed her eyes and stroked Patches’ fur. Patches approved by purring.

Marlee woke with a start, launching Patches off the bed. The phone was ringing.

“Crap. Crap,” she panicked. “What time is it, Patches?” She looked at the clock radio on her bedside stand. 1:30. She breathed a sigh of relief. She still had time. It was just Bobby. It

had to be. She picked up the phone and said, “Hello?”

“So, were you ever going to call me today?”

Marlee inhaled sharply when she heard Susie’s voice. “Susie?” She had to make sure.

“Yup, it’s me. I guess you got home okay. How’d it go?”

“Oh man. Yeah, we’re fine.” Marlee smiled. She was talking to Susie. “Jeri’s got a monster headache.”

“So does Christy.” Susie’s voice held a dash of disdain. “But what else is new?”

“Hey, thanks for helping me last night. I couldn’t think. How’d you know what to do?” Marlee, still lying on her bed, rolled over on her side and settled in.

“Humph,” Susie harrumphed. “Christy. Been there, done that. Wore that t-shirt out.”

“Really? She does this all the time?”

“Yeah, well, I think drinking just gives her something to do. Her parents are never home so she practically lives by herself. And when her parents are home, they pretty much ignore her. I mean, they’ve never been to a single one of her softball games. Can you believe that? That’s why I hang around, I guess. I kind of try to take care of her. I mean, we’ve been friends, like, forever. Since I was in second grade and she was in third. We played T-ball together.”

“Wow. Jeri and I met in middle school. Algebra.” Marlee traced the pattern on her bedspread with her finger. “I guess you’re lucky that Christy was already home last night.”

“Yup,” Susie said, “but even so she wasn’t easy to handle. She got mad at me because Jeri left. I guess they’d been having a swell time. She’s not fun when she’s mad. She wouldn’t let me go home.”

Marlee sat up in alarm. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, she gets a little rambunctious and, uh, clingy when she drinks. I had to stay with her until she fell asleep. Then Sam and I got rid of the beer cans and stuff. And then I went home.”

Marlee felt herself relax. Susie’s liquid voice soothed the tightness in her shoulders and neck.

“Hey, Marlee, hang on a minute.” Marlee could hear Susie’s muffled voice, “Abuelita, estoy hablando por teléfono. Dame diez minutos, por favor. I promise.”

“Sorry, that was my Grandmother,” Susie explained. “She doesn’t know much English. My parents brought her here from Puerto Rico just before I was born.” Susie laughed. “She’s been here for about seventeen years and still hasn’t picked up the language.”

“Really?” Marlee laughed in response. Marlee hadn’t known that Susie was Puerto Rican. Even in Spanish, no, especially in Spanish, Susie’s voice was refreshing like a cool breeze on a hot summer day.

They talked about softball, school, Jeri, The D’Amicos’ Restaurant, what Marlee did that morning, what Susie did that morning, and the SAT’s in May. Marlee didn’t need her cardboard list of topics after all. Oddly, they didn’t talk about Christy anymore, but Marlee was more than okay with that because Christy wasn’t her favorite topic and Susie didn’t seem to want to talk about her anyway. Marlee didn’t mention Bobby much, either. She and Bobby didn’t have any definite plans so why bring him up? She glanced at the clock on her bedside stand and noticed that it was 2:35. They had talked for over an hour.

“Aay, Dios mio!” Susie exclaimed as if she had just looked at a clock, too. “I have to get going. I promised Grandma I’d drive her to her friend’s house. They play cards all afternoon. Sometimes I stay and play with them.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. These old ladies are pretty ruthless sometimes. But it’s fun spending time with my Grandma and I get to practice my Spanish. Shoot, I gotta go. But listen, have fun with Bobby.”

“How did you...” Marlee started to ask. She hadn’t mentioned Bobby, but after the Truth or Dare game she supposed he wasn’t any big secret.

“Lucky guess.”

“Oh,” Marlee said. “And, by the way, how’d you get my phone number?”

“Another lucky guess.” Marlee could almost hear Susie smile. “No, I looked you up in the phone book. You’re the only McAllister listed in Clarksonville. I took a chance.”

“Lucky.”

“Yup. Uh, listen. Would you guys like to come out here again next Friday? We’ve got a night game against Northwood at seven and we’re going to Christy’s after that.”

“Yeah,” Marlee said with way too much enthusiasm. She raked a hand through her short hair. “Uh, sure. We’ll come by your game after our game against Racquette.”

“Oh, no. I didn’t know you had a game, too. Maybe you guys’ll be too tired.”

“No!” Marlee cringed at her over-zealous response. “Uh, no, no,” she toned down. “We’ll be fine. I’ll talk to Jeri about it.”

“Okay, call me, uh, call me during the week. Or even tomorrow if you want. And let Jeri know that Christy had a great time with her. Really took to her.” Susie laughed loud into the phone. “But maybe from now on Jeri should stick to root beer like you.” She seemed to hesitate before adding, “And bring anybody else from your team, except, uh, it’s an all-girls’ thing so Bobby’d probably feel out of place.”

Marlee hadn’t even considered bringing Bobby, but she said, “Oh yeah. That’s cool. I’ll call you. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow would be cool. And you’ll have to tell me all about him sometime. Friday maybe,” Susie said softly.

They said their goodbyes and Marlee gently placed the phone back in its charger. She stood up and stretched, stiff from having stayed in one place for so long. She walked to the window to drink in the warmth of the late afternoon sun. Marlee didn’t think they’d be talking about Bobby on Friday. Not if she had anything to do with it.

A sudden chill broke her mood. Bobby. He hadn’t called her yet, but he probably couldn’t get through since she’d been on the phone forever. Funny thing, though, she hadn’t heard the beep of a call waiting. She turned on her cell phone. No missed calls. No messages.

Chapter Five

Dumped

“HE NEVER CALLED you?” Jeri took off her softball glove and plopped on the team bench. “Did you call him? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Marlee grabbed her batting helmet and said, “I was embarrassed, okay? But I’m telling you now. And yeah, I did call him. But he was out. Not home. Zilch. Nada.” She pulled on her batting gloves and said, “Listen, I’m on deck. I’ll fill you in after my homerun.”

“Ha. You already hit one of those today, Marlee,” Jeri called after her friend.

The Clarksonville Cougars were beating the Northwood Wolverines by a score of 10-2 in the bottom of the sixth inning in the Tuesday afternoon contest. The game had begun with blue skies and a temperature that hovered between needing to wear a sweatshirt and not needing to wear a sweatshirt. But dark clouds had rolled in forcing the sweatshirts back on.

Marlee took her practice swings in the on-deck circle and was almost sorry she’d mentioned Bobby to Jeri because now she couldn’t get him off her mind. Bobby hadn’t called on Saturday like he promised, so Marlee called his house. His mother said he was out and didn’t know when he’d be back. Marlee figured he was on his way to her house, but when he didn’t show up after an hour, she got worried. Maybe he’d gotten into a car accident or something. She called his house again and his mother, seeming a little impatient with Marlee, said he had gone to play ice hockey with his friends at the rink. Stunned, Marlee hung up the phone and decided that Bobby would have to call her. She was done waiting.

Even though she was pissed at him, she still had warm and fuzzy feelings for him. She loved his easygoing manner, his ready smile, his boyish good looks, and the way he had obviously taken to her. But her feelings for him had never turned into anything more. She wished those amazing feelings she experienced that night at Lake Birch had been for him. But they weren’t. Those delicious, tempting, powerful feelings had been for Susie and that was way too scary and confusing to think about directly.

With concentrated effort, Marlee forced her thoughts back to the game. Julie, their number two batter, promptly got hit by a pitch. The Northwood pitcher didn’t have much control so when Julie got hit Marlee wasn’t surprised. Marlee walked up to the plate feeling strong but angry. Angry that Bobby had stood her up on Saturday so she decided to take it out on the Northwood team. A slow pitch, right down the middle, came her way. Marlee waited just the right amount of time and exploded. Her powerful swing connected with the ball, and it landed in the right-center field gap she had aimed for. Adrenaline pumping, she sprinted to first and got waved toward second. As she rounded second base Coach Spears waved her on to third. She raced toward the bag and Coach Spears threw her hands up signaling Marlee to stop. Marlee slowed her stride and cruised into third base with a triple. The plate umpire called time.

“Nice hit, Marlee,” Coach Spears congratulated her with a clap on the back. “I had to stop you. It would have been a close play at home, and I can’t risk you getting injured.”

“That’s okay,” Marlee panted. “I’m tired anyway.” She took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully.

“And this way you hit for the cycle. Way to go, kiddo,” Coach Spears added. She stepped back into her coaching box and wrote something in her scorebook.

“The cycle? My dad told me what that was, but I forgot.” Marlee didn’t have time to get an explanation from her coach because Lisa stepped up to the plate and smacked a homer over the center field fence. She smacked the ball so far it hit the high school building, just like Susie’s grand slam had done. The fans, and Lisa had many, exploded in frenzied excitement.

In the top of the seventh and final inning, Marlee threw nine pitches to strike out the side. Game over, victory secured, Lisa ran to the pitcher’s circle and went nose to nose with Marlee.

Through her catcher’s mask Lisa yelled, “Nice win, Marlee.”

“Yeah,” Marlee snarled back. Lisa whipped off her catcher’s mask and her long dark braid swung wildly as they growled and bared their teeth at each other. Marlee threw an arm around Lisa on their way to the high-five line with the Northwood team.

Jeri jumped on Marlee from behind once they were through the high-five line. “All-County Pitcher!”

“Thanks,” Marlee said. “Nice base stealing today.”

Jeri nodded in thanks. “And girl, that was an awesome last inning. Three strikeouts in a row.” Jeri high-fived her.

Lisa added, “Yeah, but—”

“But I walked too many batters this game.” Marlee finished Lisa’s sentence. Lisa nodded in agreement.

Jeri persisted. “Yeah, but you hit for the cycle, too.”

“What is that?” Marlee asked perplexed.

“So naïve,” Jeri answered. “It’s when you hit one of each: a single, double, triple, and a homer. Too bad it wasn’t a grand slammer. You know, like...” she gestured in the general direction of East Valley, “what’s her name.”

“Uh, yeah,” Lisa teased. “What’s up with that, Marlee? Slackin’?”

“Oh, shut up. Both of you.” Marlee eyed each one in turn. “C’mon, let’s go to the locker room.”

Just as the words came out of her mouth, Coach Spears appeared.

“Marlee. Real nice hitting today.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

“Can you come by my office as soon as you get your equipment?” And then her coach purposely turned from Marlee and looked to the parking lot. Marlee followed her gaze and gasped. Bobby was in the parking lot lounging against the hood of his Camaro. She had not seen him earlier. Marlee was embarrassed that Coach Spears heard her reaction at seeing him.

“Okay, Coach,” she stumbled. “Can I talk to Bobby first? I’ll just be a second.” Maybe Bobby wanted to apologize for his no-show on Saturday, but Marlee didn’t know if she was ready to forgive him.

“Of course.” Coach Spears turned toward the school. “I’ll be in my office.”

The rain clouds made good on their threat. Marlee, Jeri, and Lisa picked up their equipment and jogged toward the girls’ locker room through the now-falling drizzle. Marlee veered toward Bobby while Jeri and Lisa headed up the steps leading to the locker room. Jeri and Lisa held their softball bags over their heads to ward off the light rain.

Jeri called back, “Marlee, do you still want me to drive you home?”

“Uh...” Marlee stopped and shuffled her feet. “Just hang out, okay?”

“Okay.” Jeri’s tone was guarded.

Marlee watched her friends go up the steps together. She turned toward the emptying parking lot. As she approached Bobby, he slid off the hood of the car and waited for her. In the twenty seconds it took for her to reach him, a thousand different thoughts went through her head. Why hadn’t he called? Why was he here now? And why was he hanging out in the parking lot and not sitting in the bleachers watching the game?

She shifted her softball bag to her other shoulder. Bobby looked good leaning against his Camaro, red letterman’s jacket unsnapped. His strawberry blond hair golden even in the light drizzle.

“Nice game,” Bobby said when Marlee got closer.

Uneasy, she answered, “Yeah, I finally got some strikeouts in the last inning.” This was small talk and Marlee knew it.

“Marlee?” He looked down at his shoes with sudden interest.

Marlee feared the worst. “What’s up?”

“Marlee,” Bobby began again, “I think we’re in different places in our lives.” He paused.

“Yeah?”

“Look. I hate to break us up, but we’re going in different directions.”

Marlee stared at him, too shaken to say anything.

“Look,” Bobby continued. “You don’t have time for me like you used to. You have softball and now these girls’ nights.”

Marlee heard the disdain in his voice when he said girls’ nights.

Before she could respond, he blurted, “Look, Marlee, I’ve met someone. A girl from Southfork. I can’t see you anymore.” He turned to go. “I’m sorry.” He got into his car, started the engine, and screeched his exit from the Clarksonville High School parking lot.

“Fine,” she murmured to herself. “Just fine.”

Marlee didn’t know what to do. She watched him roar out of the parking lot and out of her life. Her softball bag suddenly weighed 300 pounds. She shrugged it off her shoulder. What just happened? She needed time, time to process. I can’t see you anymore, he had said. She walked back toward the school and got angrier and angrier. Well, fine. I can’t see you anymore, either. Marlee fumed. She couldn’t believe he had just broken up with her. And now she had to face her coach about Lord knew what. And her friends were waiting for her, too. How could she face any of them now?

She reached the stairs, but lost her resolve. She turned and sat down squarely in the middle of the bottom step in the ever-increasing rain. The rain seemed a fitting accompaniment to the sudden shift of events. Tears welled up. She thought about all the time she and Bobby had spent together since they met in January. She remembered the fun they had hanging out with Jeri and Dave. And, of course, she thought sarcastically, all those wonderfully awkward moments at Lake Birch. Although she felt a thousand different feelings, she was surprised to find relief among them. She smiled when she realized she would never have to go to Lake Birch ever again. Still, even though she found comfort in that last thought, tears slid down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them.

At that moment, Jeri and Lisa bounded out of the school. They must have been watching. And even though the rain fell in earnest, they plopped down like bookends on either side of her. Jeri grabbed Marlee’s hand while Lisa put a protective arm around her. She thought she had it together, but this show of friendship and support opened the floodgates. She put her head into her hands. “He broke up with me.” She sobbed without looking up. She slapped her thigh forcefully. “I just got dumped. Dumped!”

Jeri pulled her into an embrace and murmured, “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

Lisa added, “Hang in there, Marlee.” She rubbed her back.

Marlee struggled for composure. “Crap. Coach is waiting for me. Can you hang while I see what she wants?”

Jeri nodded. “Sure. We’ll keep the Mustang warmed up for a speedy get-away to Stewart’s.”

“Yeah,” Lisa agreed. “You need ice cream, eh?”

Marlee laughed and swiped at her tears. She thanked her friends and attempted to get herself together for her meeting with Coach Spears.

Marlee took several deep breaths as she walked toward her coach’s office. She stopped at the water fountain right outside the office and took a long drink. She scooped up some water, splashed her face, and tried to look as if she hadn’t been crying. She hadn’t yet gotten herself under control so she sat on the bottom row of the bleachers in the gym.

With a sigh she dried her face on her already damp sweatshirt. To get her mind off what had just happened with Bobby, she thought about her call to Susie on Sunday. Marlee had been a little nervous about calling so soon, but Susie sounded happy to hear from her. Susie had just finished Sunday dinner with her family. Susie told her that even though both her parents worked, they always had Sunday dinner together. Usually Susie’s grandmother cooked, but sometimes Susie’s mother cooked, too. Marlee told Susie that she and her own mother rarely had sit-down meals together, but when they did, they usually ate in front of the television using TV trays.

Marlee inhaled and wiped at her eyes again. She smiled when she thought about Susie calling her back on Monday. For three days in a row, Marlee had talked to Susie on the phone. And the best part was that Susie hadn’t called for any specific reason, not really, she just wanted to talk. Susie said she liked talking to someone who wasn’t part of the regular drama in East Valley. And as Marlee sat alone in the Clarksonville gymnasium trying to get her head together after being dumped by her boyfriend, she finally figured out why she enjoyed talking with Susie so much. It was so simple. Susie was becoming a good friend because she wasn’t part of the same old routine at Clarksonville. Clearly, that was the reason Marlee had become so fascinated with her. Marlee breathed a sigh of relief and stood up to see her coach in the girls’ Physical Education office.

She tapped on the half-open door. “Hey, Coach, you wanted to see me?” Marlee walked into the cramped office that her coach shared with two other physical education teachers. She dropped into one of the chairs on the other side of her coach’s desk.

Coach Spears wrote furiously in the scorebook, obviously tallying some statistics. Without looking up, her coach said, “Marlee, something’s off. I’m counting your strikeouts and walks and once again, you’ve got far too many walks. You also had high counts on a lot of batters. You can get away with this against a weak team like Northwood, but not against stronger teams like East Valley.”

“Yeah, I know, Coach. I’m working on it. I mean, Lisa and I pitched last weekend, but my rise ball still kind of sucks. Oh, sorry. I mean, stinks.” Marlee looked down at her hands. She felt tears welling up again and tried to fight them by taking a deep breath.

Coach Spears must have heard something because she tossed the scorebook aside and came around the desk to sit next to Marlee. “What’s wrong, kiddo?”

Marlee shook her head, “I’m okay.” Clearly she wasn’t because the tears she thought she had under control eased down her cheeks again. She put her head in her hands and started to cry in earnest.

“Oh, you are not okay. Did something happen with your young man out there?”

Marlee struggled to find her voice. She couldn’t, so she simply nodded and reached for a tissue from her coach’s desk.

“Marlee, why didn’t you come to me sooner? You know my door is always open, especially to my softball girls.” She handed Marlee another tissue. “Okay, what happened?”

The tears continued to flow and Marlee couldn’t get her voice under control. She felt extremely stupid crying in front of her coach.

Coach Spears said quietly, “Marlee, c’mon, you can talk to me.” She seemed to hesitate a moment, but then asked softly, “Is it a Planned Parenthood issue?”

Marlee sniffled and laughed. “No, Coach.” She looked up and said calmly, “No. Nothing like that.”

“Okay, okay,” her coach backed off. “I had to ask. So what happened?”

“Oh, Coach, I don’t know. He broke up with me. Said he ‘met someone else’.” Marlee reached for another tissue just in case.

“I’m so sorry, Marlee. Are you going to be okay?” Her coach handed her the entire box of tissues.

“I just didn’t expect it is all.” She looked down at the tissue box and added, “He was moving kind of fast, you know?” She looked up at her coach again.

“Ahh, I see. Maybe...maybe you’re better off,” her coach said gently.

“I don’t know. I can’t think right now.” Marlee sighed. She hoped the waterworks had finally stopped flowing.

“Marlee, you know I’m always here if you want to talk anything over. The other teachers know to go get coffee if somebody comes in to talk. Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Coach.” She stood up and added, “And I really am working on my pitching. I think I’ve been,” she searched for the right word, “distracted.”

“Okay, Marlee, I’ll see you tomorrow at practice. We’ve got a big game against Racquette on Friday.”

Marlee perked up at the word Friday. Friday meant another chance to see Susie. And as she left her coach’s office, she laughed because she knew that as soon as she got home she would grab the phone from her bedside stand and punch in a certain East Valley phone number. She was both pleased and relieved that she had finally worked out why she was so fascinated with Susie. Good friends were hard to find and Marlee couldn’t wait to see her new friend again. She had to wait until Friday, though. Three days felt like three hundred.

Marlee ran to the locker room, put her softball gear away, and grabbed her backpack. She bounded down the back stairs of the gymnasium and ran through the pouring rain to the Mustang. Jeri revved the engine. Marlee jumped in the front seat and yelled, “Get me ice cream!” Jeri hit the accelerator.

Chapter Six

Confessions

“WHERE ARE MY fries?” The Mustang weaved as Jeri searched through the McDonald’s bag.

“Hang on! Stay on the road. I’ll get ’em.” Marlee dug for the fries and handed them to Jeri. “I can’t believe we’re going to another game.” Secretly, Marlee had been more excited about watching Susie’s team play that evening than pitching her own game that afternoon.

Lisa chimed in from the back seat. “I know. I’m so tired. But at least we beat Racquette today.”

“Yeah, really,” Jeri said. “Do you guys think there’s such a thing as too much softball?”

The three girls looked at each other and said “Nah” at the same time.

“It’s never too much,” Marlee added. “I mean, first of all, we have to wait all winter to play. And then when March finally gets here, we can’t even play outside. We have to play in the gym for a month since the field’s still frozen. I mean we had, like, what, three practices outside before our first game?”

“Tell me about it,” Jeri said through a mouthful of french fries.

Lisa added, “And then the season is over so fast. So, no. You can’t get too much softball.”

Jeri waved a fry at Marlee. “And thank God we have the summer league at Nichol Park. But this is my last summer in the eighteen and under league. I’m gonna have to play in the women’s league next year.”

“That’s gonna suck.” Marlee frowned. “My mom definitely thinks we’re too preoccupied with softball. She doesn’t really understand why I have to pitch at home with Lisa. She always says we get enough practice after school every day.”

Lisa called out from the backseat. “I’m glad we can practice at your house, because we’d break my neighbors’ windows for sure.”

Jeri laughed. “Like you almost did with your homerun on Tuesday. You were, like, three feet from hitting Mrs. Stratton’s window again.”

“Oh, my God, I know. The Board of Education would probably make me pay for it, too.”

Marlee agreed. “Yeah, they probably would.”

Jeri reached in the bag for her hot apple pie. “My folks think I spend too much time playing ball, too. They want me to spend more time working in the restaurant. No thanks.”

“Yeah, really. And Bobby, oops, I wasn’t going to talk about him tonight.” Marlee choked up thinking about her recent breakup only three days old. She was surprised at how fast her emotions overtook her. She looked out the passenger window into the darkness. Although she couldn’t see much, she knew they were passing wide open fields where corn would soon flourish.

“No, c’mon,” Jeri encouraged. “What were you gonna say?”

Marlee continued to stare into the darkness.

Jeri said, “Hey, it’s just us here. You gotta share your pain. Girl, I shared my pain when Dave broke up with me.”

“No kidding,” Marlee teased. She took a deep breath. “No, I was just gonna say that Bobby said I spent too much time with softball, too. He said something about not competing with softball and girls’ nights.”

“Well, I think—” Jeri started, but Marlee interrupted.

“He’s cute, though, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but—”

“Did you know that I could never get him to understand the infield fly rule? I mean he’s a jock, so how can he not understand a simple rule like that? And how come he never watched an entire game of ours?” Marlee was on a roll. “And how come all he wanted to do was go to Lake Birch?”

Lisa broke in then. “Lake Birch?”

Before Marlee could answer, Jeri turned her head toward Lisa in the back seat and said, “Sometimes guys can be in an awful hurry. You know what I mean?”

“Oh,” Lisa said with understanding.

“Yeah.” Marlee continued to look out the window. “I think I liked it better when the four of us hung out. You know? You and Dave and me and Bobby. I’m sorry you and Dave broke up, but when you did I realized that Bobby and I weren’t exactly right for each other.” She turned to Jeri. “Did you ever get over Dave?”

“Pssht,” Jeri said with disdain. “Girl, I hardly had a chance to get to know him. I think my family scared him away. You know how loud my obnoxious Italian family can be. That’s okay, though. There’s somebody out there for me. And you, too!”

“Agreed.” Marlee scooped up the last of the fries that had fallen in the bottom of the bag.

Jeri proclaimed, “We’re gonna move on and be just fine.”

Lisa added her voice to the proclamation. “Yeah, me too.”

“Move on from who, girl?” Jeri demanded. “Who’ve you gone out with?

“Oh, uh...” Lisa seemed to fumble for words. “Nobody. I guess I just got caught up in the moment.”

Jeri teased, “You’re weird, Lisa.”

“So they say.”

Marlee added her two cents. “What did my mom say to me last night? Oh, yeah. She said, ‘And this too shall pass.’”

Jeri tossed her now-empty pie box in the now-empty food bag. “Words to live by.”

“Yeah, and let’s go to East Valley and forget all about this.” Marlee sat up taller in the passenger seat.

“Yeah. And you know...” Jeri looked at Marlee with a serious expression. “You can tell me anything. No more holding back. Okay?”

Marlee mentally crossed her fingers. “Okay.” But how could she be totally honest with Jeri? How could she tell Jeri that she had imagined kissing Susie when she couldn’t quite admit it to herself? How could she tell Jeri that thoughts of Susie occupied some parts of her brain even though other parts of her brain denied these thoughts? How could she tell Jeri these things when she could barely deal with them herself?

Two blocks away from the Sandstoner Fields of East Valley, Jeri put the top down so they could arrive in style. She pulled the car into a spot well away from the action on the fields.

“Damn. I don’t think anybody even saw us. Hey, you guys, I’m gonna let you out closer to the dugout, like last time, and then go park.” She backed the Mustang out of the spot and made a slow drive toward the busy part of the lot near the home team dugout.

“Are we sitting on the home team side?” Marlee asked with a grin.

“Wow,” Jeri said. “I hadn’t thought about it, but I guess we kind of have to.”

“Disgusting, isn’t it?” Marlee said.

Marlee got out of the car and flipped the front seat forward so Lisa could unfold her 5’9” frame from the back seat. Lisa, once out, stretched to her full height and zipped up her ski jacket in defense of the cold night air. She pulled her long, dark braid out from her jacket so it could hang free.

Marlee pulled the drawstring tighter on the hood of her Clarksonville sweatshirt in an attempt to keep out the late April cold. She didn’t put the hood up, though, because that would ruin the look she was going for. The look where Susie would notice her blue eyes and stylishly short blond hair. And, besides, she didn’t want to look like a dork in front of her new friend, so cold ears would be a necessary sacrifice. She and Lisa walked toward the bleachers as Jeri pulled away.

“Hey, Pitcher.” Marlee heard someone yell in their direction. She looked up. One of the East Valley players waved frantically from inside the fence. Sam, the second baseman, came toward them. Sam had pulled her pretty blond hair into a ponytail high on her head. She put her softball hat on and pulled the ponytail through the hole in the back. It almost looked like a horse’s tail, but she managed to make it look good. Marlee and Lisa walked up to the fence. “Hey Pitcher,” she said again when they reached the fence.

“Hey, Second Base. What’s up? This is Lisa.” Marlee introduced them. “She’s my catcher.”

“Hey, Catcher. Nice to meet you officially.” Sam stuck two fingers through the fence in greeting. Lisa grabbed both fingers and pumped them a couple of times in handshake. Sam said, “Heard you guys beat Northwood on Tuesday. Think we stand a chance?”

Marlee rejoiced when Sam directed her question to Lisa because that left Marlee free to search for Susie.

Lisa said, “Of course you’re going to win. And you know it, too.” She waved a dismissive hand. “Geez, you have Loveland pitching, so gimme a break.”

“Well, yeah, there’s that,” Sam agreed, still directing her statements to Lisa. Someone called Sam’s name and she said, “Oops, infield warmup.” Sam jogged off to her second base position, her ponytail bouncing with every step.

Since Lisa seemed absorbed watching the East Valley infield practice, Marlee scanned more openly for her favorite left fielder. Her heart melted when Susie finally popped out of the dugout, glove in hand. Susie’s smile, bright against her dark skin, sent Marlee’s pulse soaring. And Jeri wants me to be honest. How can I ever tell her how this girl, my new friend, makes me feel when I just look at her?

Susie walked over and then looked up at the night sky. She shook her head. “Dios mio. There is way too much Cougar blue here today.” She looked at Marlee and Lisa and said with mock indifference, “Hey, Cougars.”

Lisa said, “Hey,” in response, but Marlee answered with matched indifference. “Hey, Panther.”

Marlee never knew what a “twinkle” in someone’s eye looked like until she saw it in Susie’s. She smiled. She liked it.

“Did you guys win today?” Susie shifted to a friendlier tone.

Marlee had already forgotten about their win over Racquette that afternoon. “Yeah, 7-2. Not too many hitters on that team.”

“Cool. Did you hit a homer today, like you did against...” Susie gestured at the Northwood team, “those guys on Tuesday?”

“Nah,” Marlee responded. “Lisa hit a homer on Tuesday, too, but hers went over the fence and hit the school. Just like yours did last time. Think you can hit one tonight?”

“Humph,” Susie said. “Probably not. I only hit homers off that Cougar pitcher from Clarksonville.”

“Oh, now you’ve gone too far, Panther,” Marlee said with mock aggression. “Why don’t you step outside this fence and say that again?” Marlee gestured to a spot on her side.

“Actually, mi vida,” Susie suddenly switched to a British accent, “gotta go. Outfield warmup, don’t you know. Cheerio and all that.” She took a few steps toward left field and then hurried back. “You guys still coming to Christy’s?” The accent was gone.

“Yeah, of course,” Marlee answered.

“Cool.” Susie sprinted to left field.

Marlee watched her the entire way. She didn’t care if Lisa saw her. The warmth sweeping through her had nothing to do with her thick Cougar sweatshirt. Susie had just called her “mi vida.” It was Spanish. Marlee didn’t know what it meant, but it sounded nice.

The Northwood team struggled to get base runners against the undefeated East Valley team, but Marlee barely watched the game. She watched Susie instead. She had given herself permission to watch Susie more openly. Not too openly. She didn’t want Jeri or Lisa to think she was weird or anything. And even though Susie didn’t hit a homerun, she went 3 for 4 with a double and three runs batted in. Christy had pitched well, too. In fact, she threw a two-hitter shutout in the 12-0 East Valley victory. Christy had walked a couple, but had struck out most of the Northwood batters. Marlee was a bit jealous, but reasoned that Christy’s success boded well for a pleasant evening at her house later on.

The three Clarksonville teammates shored up their plans with Susie and Sam and made their way to the Mustang at the far end of the parking lot.

Jeri pulled her keys out of her letterman’s jacket. “You know, Marlee, if Christy can pitch a two-hitter against Northwood, so can you.”

“I know.” Marlee kicked a pebble across the lot.

Jeri added, “You struck out the side in the last inning against them on Tuesday. So why not do it every inning?”

“Pssht,” Marlee spurted. “Easier said than done, man. And, I am trying you know.”

Lisa jumped in. “We’re working on it. Marlee’s fixing her rise ball. It’s almost there.”

“Almost,” Marlee agreed.

They climbed into the Mustang and Jeri put the top up immediately. Watching a softball game in cold weather was vastly different than playing and the three friends were frozen to the core.

Jeri shivered. “You guys, I gotta stop and get cigarettes before we go to Christy’s. Did you see a Stewart’s around here?”

Lisa’s voice came from the dark backseat. “I think there’s one in the town square about a mile or two from here.”

“Cool. You guys don’t mind do you?”

Marlee did mind because she was anxious to see Susie, but played it cool. “That’s okay. This will give them time to get cleaned up or whatever.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I don’t wanna bum cigarettes from Christy. That would be bad form.”

Marlee’s mouth fell open. “Christy smokes? No wonder she never gets up to bat. She probably can’t run around the bases.”

“Hey!” Jeri sounded offended. “I smoke and I run around the bases just fine.”

Marlee laughed. “No, no, I meant it’s not fair that she got the All-County pitcher’s award for the last two years and never gets up to bat. At least I hit for our team.”

Jeri’s grin was immense when she said, “Well, it is an award for pitching, isn’t it?”

Lisa leaned into the front seat. “Yeah, but I agree with Marlee. It’s not fair.”

“See?” Marlee pointed to Lisa.

“Okay, okay. You’re right. It’s not fair.”

When the three Clarksonville Cougars walked up the driveway to Christy Loveland’s house, it occurred to Marlee that she didn’t want a repeat of the previous Friday night.

Marlee hesitated at the door. “Hey Jeri, I don’t want to drive home tonight.”

“Yeah, I know. I know,” Jeri said, chagrined. “Tell you what. I’ll just have one and then switch to pop after that. Okay? And if it makes you feel better you can have the keys now. Just in case.”

“Just in case? No, Jeri, no ‘just in case.’ I’ll take the keys, but you need to stop at one beer.”

Lisa looked at Marlee, perplexed. Marlee mouthed the word “later” to her and Lisa nodded her understanding.

“Okay, okay. I’m cool with that.” Jeri opened the ornate screen door and knocked on the heavy oak door behind it.

Clearly, no one had heard them so they let themselves in.

“You cheated.” Marlee heard Susie yell from somewhere in the house. Marlee smiled. She couldn’t help herself. She looked where the altercation seemed to be coming from and noticed an open door to the right of the plasma television. She hadn’t noticed the door last time. The girls followed the sound of the accusation and found the East Valley players jammed into the Loveland’s recreation room.

“I did not cheat. You’re just mad because I’m winning.” Christy banged the ping-pong table with her red paddle. She loomed over her end of the table. “I see Cougars.” She turned to them. “You want in on the tournament?” She nodded when each of them said yes. “Cool. Write your names down and put them in the hat. And as for you,” Christy redirected her attention to Susie, “this will be game point.” And it was.

Susie tossed her blue paddle on the table and walked toward Marlee, Jeri, and Lisa who sat on a bench near a window that faced the back yard. Marlee couldn’t take her eyes off Susie and felt her stomach clench when Susie pushed a fallen lock of hair out of her eyes.

“Aaay,” Susie said as she plopped on the floor near Marlee’s feet. “She always beats me. I don’t know why I play her.” Her shoulder touched Marlee’s knee. Marlee could hardly breathe. The only thing real to her right then was Susie’s warm shoulder against her leg.

Susie said with exasperation, “Well, I’m out of the tournament now. Yup, done for the night.”

“There, there.” Marlee patted the shoulder so conveniently pressed up against her knee. She was stunned by her boldness. She was also stunned when one of the East Valley players called her name.

“Marlee, you’re up.” One of the East Valley players held up the slip of paper with Marlee’s name on it.

“I am? Okay.” Marlee didn’t want to move away from Susie, but leaped to her feet and grabbed the blue paddle. She thought for sure she’d be playing Christy, but Sam stood on the other side of the table pulling her gorgeous hair into a ponytail. Marlee’s mother called that particular hair color dirty blond. Marlee didn’t care for the label, especially because Sam was so pretty with her high cheekbones and fitness trainer body that to describe any part of Sam as “dirty” didn’t seem nice.

Sam grabbed for the red paddle and said, “Ready, Pitch?”

“Yeah, Second. Bring it on.”

Marlee discovered that ping-pong wasn’t her game. Great, she thought, here’s another thing that Christy does better than I do. She knew that Sam eased up on her once Marlee’s ping-pong skills failed to materialize.

“Marlee,” Sam coached, “keep your paddle away from your body.”

“Okay, okay,” Marlee shot back. “What’re we in the Olympics or something?” She looked at her friends. Jeri and Christy laughed together, but Lisa sat by herself—an island in enemy territory. Lisa smiled and gave her the thumbs-up sign. Marlee guessed Lisa probably felt the same way Marlee had the week before. Marlee shrugged at Lisa and rolled her eyes in acknowledgement of her imminent defeat. She then chanced a look at Susie who still sat on the floor. Susie’s mega-watt smile went straight to Marlee’s heart, and knees, and ... Stop! You need to focus. She tore her eyes away and said to Sam, “Okay, how much longer until you beat me?”

The East Valley players laughed.

“Three more points is game for me,” Sam answered.

The three points came quickly.

“If that stupid net wasn’t there, I’d have been fine.” Marlee took back her original seat on the bench next to Susie who still sat on the floor. She let her knee discreetly touch Susie’s shoulder again. She could feel Susie’s warmth even through her jeans.

“Yup. I think it’s there just to piss you off,” Susie answered.

Marlee watched Jeri move to the kitchen with Christy. She patted the keys in her pocket for reassurance and hoped Jeri would keep her word. When Lisa got called up to the ping-pong table next Marlee hoped Lisa would fare better than she had. But Marlee also did a tiny happy dance inside. She was going to have Susie all to herself for a while.

“Hey,” Susie said, “seeing as we’re both out of the tournament, do you want to go out back for a while?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Marlee stood up. Maybe she really was going to have Susie all to herself.

Susie put her hand up for a lift and Marlee prayed Susie would think her palm was sweaty from playing ping-pong. Marlee knew otherwise.

As they walked to the front hall to get their sweatshirts, Marlee wondered aloud, “Hey, where are Christy’s parents? Do they go out every weekend?”

“I know. It’s weird. Mr. Loveland travels a lot for business and Christy’s mom goes with him. They’re, like, never home. Christy’s always here by herself. She’s stayed home alone ever since her sister went to college four years ago. Lauren’s a senior at Albany State and doesn’t even come home on vacations anymore.”

Marlee had no idea where she wanted to go to college, but she knew she’d probably come home every available vacation. “That’s kind of sad.”

“Yeah, but I’m over here a lot so Christy doesn’t have a chance to get lonely, you know?”

Marlee didn’t like the fact that Susie spent so much time with Christy. She wasn’t sure why, but it made her uneasy.

Susie led her out the front door past the split-rail fence, the fence where Marlee had grabbed her hand and held it a little too long.

Susie unlatched the gate to the back yard and motioned for Marlee to go through first. Marlee had been cold when they left the softball game, but she had warmed up considerably since then. She wasn’t sure if the heat she felt was from the ping-pong game or her proximity to Susie. A little of both, she thought.

“So,” Susie asked, “how’s this Bobby of yours?”

Marlee inhaled sharply. She hadn’t expected that question. She gathered her composure as best she could. “Oh, I didn’t tell you. He, um, broke up with me on Tuesday.”

“What?” Susie was clearly flabbergasted. “Why didn’t you tell me right away? What happened? Aay, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to talk about it.”

The lights from inside the house dimly illuminated the spacious back yard. They picked their way carefully over the grass in the semi-darkness toward some outdoor furniture at the far end of the property.

“No, that’s okay.” Marlee sighed. “I’m getting over it. I think we were heading toward a breakup anyway.”

“Well, it always feels worse when they break up with you.” Susie rolled her eyes. “That I can tell you for sure.”

Who in their right mind would ever break up with Susie? What history lurked behind those alluring brown eyes?

The voices of their teammates permeated the relatively quiet night. Marlee could hear Lisa among the voices. It sounded like she had scored a point.

“Aay, Santo,” Susie said. “They sure are getting loud in there.”

Marlee wanted in the worst way to reach out for Susie’s hand as they strolled toward the chairs, but she kept both arms tight by her sides.

As they neared the tool shed, Susie asked, “So are you still thinking about him?”

“Who?”

Susie laughed. “Bobby.”

“No,” Marlee said quietly.

“Well, this Bobby must be a real jerk to dump someone like you.” Susie stopped walking and looked at Marlee. “Because I think you’re beautiful.”

Marlee’s breath caught in her throat and she looked away from Susie’s penetrating gaze. The realization that she wanted more than friendship from Susie hit her like a physical blow. She swallowed hard and in an almost out of body experience blurted, “It’s not Bobby I’m thinking about.” She looked back up. “It’s you. You are all I can think about. I can’t get you out of my head.” Her heart pounded in her chest and threatened to break free. She was mortified. She couldn’t believe she had actually said out loud what she hadn’t dared think. And to compound matters she couldn’t read Susie’s expression in the dark. Several long seconds ticked by and Marlee screamed in her head, Say something!

Marlee put her hand over her mouth and stammered, “Oh, my God. I’m sorry.” She turned to flee.

“Wait.” Susie reached out and grabbed her hand. Marlee was almost afraid to turn around, but Susie’s voice was soft. “Come here.” Susie started walking and Marlee let herself be led behind the shed. When they were out of view of the house, Susie stopped and let go of Marlee’s hand. Marlee backed up a step and felt the rough wood of the shed against her back. Susie moved closer. Within inches. They locked eyes. When neither of them made an effort to move away, Marlee instinctively leaned forward. Susie closed the gap in an instant. Their lips met. Lightly at first, tentatively. Marlee’s blood began to simmer and in a rush she threw her arms around the slightly taller girl’s neck and pulled her closer. Susie’s strong arms went around her waist. Blood rushed to Marlee’s face. She had never ever felt anything like this before. Definitely not with Bobby. She registered every inch of Susie’s hard yet soft body pressed against hers. She thrilled at the sensations whipping through her. Susie broke the kiss and pulled back. She stroked Marlee’s cheek, her forehead, her neck. Susie’s hand felt like home. Marlee surprised herself when she started crying.

Susie laughed gently. “Aay, mi vida, why are you crying?” She wiped each of Marlee’s tears away with her fingertips.

Drowning in Susie’s eyes, Marlee smiled softly. “I don’t know. It’s...” She sighed. “It’s overwhelming.” She felt her chest squeeze tight. “I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure.”

Susie stepped back and held both of Marlee’s hands in hers. “I wasn’t sure either. Remember when you said, ‘Nice grand slam’ in the high-five line? Dios, you were so cute. Your cheeks turned so red, I couldn’t help but smile inside.”

Marlee smiled back and wiped at her eyes.

“And last Friday when you grabbed my hand on the fence, I wanted to kiss you right there in the front yard, but, aaay, I had to wait to be sure. I mean, you had a boyfriend. That kind of threw me. And just so we’re clear on this, I’ve liked you ever since you threw that pitch at my head. Do you remember me smiling at you?”

“Yeah. You were scary. I thought you were being evil.” Marlee laughed but she was shaking inside. And out.

Susie kissed her lightly on the forehead. “Let’s go back inside. Somebody might notice we’re gone.”

Marlee hoped she could stop shaking by the time they got back to the house.

Chapter Seven

Deceit

A LIGHT DUSTING of snow covered the Clarksonville Cougar softball field. Marlee pressed her nose against the glass of the gymnasium window, cell phone in hand. “We’re making up the game on Saturday.” Her breath fogged up the glass.

Susie said, “Cool. I can’t believe it snowed today. It’s April, c’mon. Our practice got cancelled. Did you guys practice inside?”

Marlee floated in the sound of Susie’s voice. Even over the crackly cell phone her voice was sweet. “Nah, they’re making everybody go home. And I’m just hanging in the dark gym waiting for Jeri to get her act together in the locker room. So, uh, do you maybe want to come to my game on Saturday?”

“Yeah, sure. What time?”

Marlee tried to stay cool, but she did a quiet little happy dance in the corner of the Clarksonville gymnasium. Susie was coming to see her. She did her best to keep her voice steady. “Coach said 2:00, but I’ll call you if it’s different.”

“Cool. Marlee?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t believe how much I want to see you.”

“Oh, me too,” Marlee purred. “Talking on the phone is nice, but it’s not the same. I hope you won’t get bored on Saturday.”

“No way.”

Marlee swallowed hard. Anxiety flashed through her at the thought of Susie watching her pitch. “It’ll be nice not having to pitch to you that day. You know?”

Susie laughed.

Marlee’s heart swelled at the sound. “Too bad we can’t hang out on Friday.”

“I know, but we’re away at Mohawk and you guys are away too, right?”

“Yeah, we’ve got a scrimmage against the Clarksonville Community College team. It’s weird, but Coach says it’ll be good practice for us. Of course, Jeri says it’s always good practice getting your butt kicked.”

“That’s funny. I can see why Christy likes Jeri. And speaking of Christy, her folks will be home on Friday so we couldn’t have hung out there, anyway.”

“Who says we’d want to hang out with anyone else?” Marlee teased.

“Yeah, exactly.” With a slightly suggestive tone Susie asked, “So, what’re we gonna do after your game on Saturday?”

Marlee moved from the window and sat on the bottom row of the bleachers in the empty gymnasium. “I suppose we can go find a quiet place to, uh, hang out.” She was still new at this sort of thing.

“Great minds think alike.”

“You know, Susie, it was really hard not telling Jeri and Lisa on Friday.” Marlee picked at the peeling varnish on the old bleachers. “I mean, here’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me—”

“The best thing?”

Marlee smiled. “Yeah, the best thing, and I couldn’t tell them. I mean, especially Jeri. What was I supposed to say?” She lowered her voice. “Like, ‘By the way, Jeri, you know that left fielder? Well, we’ve got the hots for each other.’ I dunno. I just couldn’t do it.”

“It’s hard. Believe me, I know. People don’t always understand. You never know who’s going to flip out on you. I didn’t tell Christy either. She knows nothing about our covert encounter behind the shed.”

“Mmm, the shed. Hey, does she know about you?” Marlee asked boldly.

“Know about me? What?” Susie giggled. “That I’m Puerto Rican?”

“No.” Marlee snickered. “No. C’mon, you know.”

“Of course she knows.”

Of course? Of course she knows? “Is she...you know?” Marlee marveled at her new courage even though she still couldn’t say the words.

“Oh, now who’s getting nosy? And, you know what? Why are we talking about Christy, anyway?”

Marlee let the question drop.

MARLEE CLOSED HER eyes and fell back into her pillows. Jeri had just dropped her off after the cancelled game. She heard a scritch, scritch, scritch on her closed bedroom door.

“Patches? Hang on, girl.” She got up and opened the door a crack to let the cat in her room. “Come on in, kitty cat. I know, girl, I never have my door closed. But sometimes I need privacy.”

Patches chirped her entrance and wound around Marlee’s legs. Marlee plopped back on the bed in a sitting position and patted her lap. “C’mon, kitty. Come up.”

The cat jumped up on Marlee’s lap, circled a few times, and finally settled down. “Good girl.” She thought about Susie as she absentmindedly stroked the cat. Patches purred. Marlee had talked on the phone with Susie every day since that first Friday evening when she and Jeri had made the long trip to East Valley. She couldn’t believe someone as pretty and wonderful and smart and funny as Susie would be interested in her. She tried not to think too closely about the fact that she had such strong feelings for another girl. She couldn’t quite wrap her mind around that and reasoned that she just had an attraction for one particular person and it didn’t have to mean anything earth shattering. It was just Susie for goodness sake.

Susie. Does Susie get butterflies in her stomach the way I do? Marlee smiled as she scratched Patches behind the ears. Did Susie make a list of things to talk about that first time, too? Does Susie get nervous when I pitch to her? Marlee made a mental note to ask her during their next phone conversation, which would be the next day, of course. Waiting to talk to Susie again wasn’t so bad since they could talk every day on the phone, but waiting to see her again was nerve-wracking.

Marlee jumped when her mother rapped on her closed bedroom door.

“Marlee? Can I come in?”

“Sure, Mom. Patches and I were just trying to solve the world’s problems.”

“Come up with anything?”

Marlee laughed. “Not really. Patches isn’t much for talking.” She smiled and moved toward the wall to make room for her mother to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Marlee, Mrs. Stratton called this afternoon.”

“Mrs. Stratton?” Marlee tried to stay cool, but alarm bells went off inside her head. Maybe she hadn’t escaped the wrath of Stratton after all.

“She’s concerned with your focus in class. She said you haven’t been putting in your best effort lately and your quiz grades haven’t been up to par.”

“Mom, I’m doing fine.”

“Well, Marlee, Mrs. Stratton seems to think otherwise, so I’m taking away your phone privileges.”

“What?” Marlee hadn’t meant the word to come out quite as strong as it did, but she couldn’t have her phone taken away. She just couldn’t. How would she talk to Susie? “Mom, c’mon. My phone? I’m not doing that bad.”

Her mother raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, okay. Maybe I was daydreaming one time. But that was only one time. C’mon, Mom. That’s so not fair.” Her voice was rising around the growing knot in her throat.

“Marlee, when Mrs. Stratton calls and tells me things are getting better then you can have your phone back. So no phone calls on school nights. You can make phone calls on the weekends, but only after all of your homework is finished. Understood?”

“But, Mom—” Marlee whined.

“Understood?” Marlee’s mother’s tone was grim and she held fast. Marlee knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere.

“Yeah. Okay. Fine.” Marlee sank lower in the bed and looked away from her mother.

“You can keep your cell phone, but only for emergencies.” She stood up. “Okay, I’ll leave you and Patches to finish fixing the world. Good night, honey.”

“‘Night,” Marlee mumbled as her mother closed the bedroom door. “Mom?” Marlee called.

The door opened slightly. “Yes, honey?”

“You’ll have to tell my friend Susie about my, uh, phone restrictions when she calls tomorrow.”

“Okay. I will. Good night.” Her mother closed the door again.

Marlee briefly entertained the idea of calling Susie from her cell phone anyway, but figured her mother would find out somehow. And she didn’t have text messaging on her phone so that was out. And besides, her mother got the cell phone bill so she’d know if Marlee used the phone. Marlee lamented not having a computer at home. She could have emailed or IM’d Susie all day and night and her mother would never know, but Marlee didn’t have a computer at home. Her mother had promised that by the start of her senior year they would finally get one. Her mother wanted to use it for her real estate business as well. But even if they had a computer it would probably be in the living room where her mother could see what she was doing. So, no, a computer wasn’t going to help anyway. And it wasn’t like she could ask Jeri to use her cell phone. Jeri would get too nosy. She’d want to know who Marlee was calling and why. Too risky. What about the school pay phone? No, that wouldn’t work either because Susie would be at school when she tried to call. And besides, Mrs. Stratton or Coach Spears would probably walk by just as she picked up the phone. Marlee became firmly convinced that the entire world was unfair when she realized that she didn’t even know Susie’s home address.

Marlee took a deep breath and held it. When her lungs threatened to burst she exhaled slowly, eyes closed. She consoled herself with the knowledge that Susie was coming to her game on Saturday. If she worked hard on Friday night she might be able to get all her homework done by game time the next day. She hoped her mother would let her go out with Susie after the game. She just had to. Marlee fell asleep praying that it was just her phone privileges that had been revoked.

WHEN MARLEE WOKE early Saturday morning she leaped out of bed like it was Christmas morning. She had even finished every ounce of her homework the night before. It had taken her until two in the morning to do it, but it was all done. She asked her mom to drop her off at the fields early so she could get her head together before pitching in front of Susie. Marlee usually liked to be the first one on the field anyway, but today was special. Susie was coming. And this time, Susie wasn’t a competitor. This time, Susie was coming to watch her. The perfect day she ordered was delivered. Lazy cotton-ball clouds made their way slowly across the baby blue backdrop. And despite the slight chill in the air, the sunshine felt wonderfully warm on her face. Thankfully, there was no sign of snow.

She put her softball gear on the bench and took out her cleats. As she put them on she watched the sparrows flit from the outfield grass to the batters’ boxes. A sparrow chirped its pleasure while taking a dirt bath in one of the semi-permanent ruts. Miniature puffs of dirt blew in all directions. Marlee felt bad for the tiny bird because its day at the spa was about to be disrupted by two noisy softball teams.

Cleats finished, she pulled out her glove and rubbed the pocket absentmindedly. She looked at the empty bleachers and thought she should ask Susie not to sit right behind home plate. She was nervous enough, and if she had to look at Susie with every pitch she wouldn’t be able to concentrate. It was going to be hard enough as it was.

“Hi, Marlee.”

Marlee jumped. She hadn’t seen her coach walk up.

“You’re here early.” Coach Spears took out her scorebook and lineup cards.

“Uh, yeah, my Mom dropped me off. She has a house to show this afternoon.” Not exactly a lie.

“Seems like you’ve recovered from your...” her coach paused clearly trying to find the right words, “setback.”

Momentarily confused, Marlee suddenly realized that her coach was referring to her breakup with Bobby over a week ago. She said, “Oh, yeah. I bounced back.” Right into Susie’s arms. “I’m gonna take my laps now.” Marlee jumped up and spun away from her coach in order to hide her smile. She sprinted up the right field line. The bulk of her teammates, including Lisa and Jeri, arrived while Marlee was taking her last lap around the field.

“Hey, Marlee,” Jeri shouted as Marlee rounded left field and sprinted toward the Cougar bench.

“What’s up, kids?”

“What are we doing after the game today? Lisa wants to go to bowling.”

Lisa added, “Since you’re single now, we figured you’d have more time for the rest of us.”

Marlee smiled. Lisa had called her single. What they didn’t know was that Marlee had been single for only a few days. And, actually, Marlee did want to hang out with her friends. Just not tonight! She supposed that she and Susie could go to the bowling alley with the team, but then they’d have to wait even longer to be alone. She scrambled for an excuse. “Oh, I think I’d better take a rain check.” She fumbled, “I told you guys that Mrs. Stratton called my mom, didn’t I? I have to stay home and work on calculus.” She turned to Jeri. “You saw Mrs. Stratton give me grief for not having my homework.”

Jeri seemed surprised at Marlee’s sudden interest in homework on a Saturday night. “Uh, yeah, you’ve been a real slacker lately. Maybe next time.” She smacked Lisa on the arm and said, “C’mon, let’s take our laps.”

Marlee groaned. Her heart hurt. She didn’t like deceiving her friends. If she could only tell them what Susie meant to her, surely at least one of them would understand. But then again, she didn’t fully understand it herself. She didn’t exactly know what Susie meant to her yet. Marlee walked to her pitching area to wait for Lisa to finish her laps. Marlee looked around. No sign of Susie.

The game got underway and Marlee tried to concentrate, but found it difficult as she continually scanned the stands for Susie. As the game wore on, Marlee became frustrated on several levels. She had already walked five batters in five innings and she never walked that many. And to top it off, Susie still wasn’t there.

“Marlee McAllister.” Lisa pulled Marlee aside as the Southbridge team took the field for the bottom of the fifth inning. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re giving it everything you’ve got.”

“Chill out, Lisa. I’m cool.”

Marlee started to walk away from her catcher, but Lisa held onto Marlee’s uniform sleeve. Marlee had no choice but to turn around and face her.

“Marlee, you pulled that one on me in the East Valley game. I’m on to you.”

Marlee swallowed hard. On to what?

Lisa continued. “When you’re on I can feel your focus, right on me. When you’re off, like now, I can tell you’re scattered. Where is your mind?”

“Did Coach send you over here?”

“No, she didn’t.” Exasperated, Lisa glared at Marlee. “Geez, Marlee, what is going on with you?”

Marlee looked up at the taller girl with reservation. Lisa’s light brown eyes flashed with anger. Marlee softened. “Lisa, I’m sorry. I...” She couldn’t tell Lisa about her total infatuation with Susie so she used the same line on Lisa that had seemed to work on her coach, “I’ve been distracted lately.”

“I know,” Lisa roared. Several of their teammates turned to look at them. She brought her voice down. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. Stay with me when you’re pitching. Look at me. Pull yourself in. You are such a better pitcher than,” she gestured toward the pitcher’s circle, “that!” She stormed away.

Marlee was mortified that Lisa had reamed her out in front of her teammates, but was relieved that Susie hadn’t seen. She snatched up her water bottle and sulked on the end of the team bench. She rubbed at her glove until her fingers felt hot. She sighed and snuck a peek over her shoulder at the parking lot. Her heart leaped when she saw Susie walking toward the field. She wore a faded pair of blue jeans and her East Valley softball jacket. Susie had her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Even pulled back her hair is beautiful. Marlee couldn’t help the smile that crept across her face.

When the Cougars took the field again for the top of the sixth inning, Marlee knew she shouldn’t look at Susie. Everyone would know she had a crush on her if she did. Focusing on Lisa suddenly became a lot easier to do. Lisa’s eyes flared behind the catcher’s mask.

The Southbridge batter stepped into the batter’s box. With a start Marlee realized what everybody else had probably already known. She had a no-hitter going. Because she had walked five Southbridge batters already, she couldn’t get a perfect game. And that’s why Lisa’s so pissed at me. She snuck a peek at Susie in the bleachers. Susie gave her a thumbs-up. Marlee waved hoping no one would notice. Susie smiled back. Focus, Marlee reprimanded herself and turned back to Lisa.

Marlee struck out all three Southbridge batters. She was one inning away from her first-ever no-hitter. In the bottom of the sixth inning, the Cougars added one more run to their lead with a Lisa Brown-in-the-park solo homerun to make the score 5-0 in the Cougars’ favor. Marlee needed three more outs in the top of the seventh inning and the no-hitter was hers. She struck out the first batter. One down. The second batter conveniently grounded out to the Cougar shortstop on the first pitch. Two down. One more out to go.

The third Southbridge batter of the inning stepped up to the plate. Marlee threw the fastball that Lisa requested. The batter hit a routine fly ball to center field. Jeri will have that one easily, Marlee thought and felt a smile creep up her face. She glanced out to center field and to her horror saw Jeri fighting with the sun. Jeri was trying to use her glove to shade her eyes, but it obviously didn’t help because the ball sailed over her head for a basehit. Marlee groaned along with the fans. She had lost her no-hitter. The Southbridge batter stood on first base pumping her fist as if she had just won the World Series. There was nothing Marlee could do except pitch to the next batter, whom she struck out with a fastball, curveball, fastball combination to end the inning and the game.

The fans and players from both teams applauded and gave Marlee a standing ovation. She beamed with pride when she saw Susie applaud like the number one fan Marlee hoped she would be. Susie flashed a big-toothed smile. Marlee smiled in turn and then tipped her hat to the people in the stands.

Lisa waited for Marlee to acknowledge the crowd and then got nose-to-nose. “See what you can do when you listen to me?”

“Yeah,” Marlee said sheepishly. “You were right.” They growled into each other’s faces and laughed their way arm-inarm to the Southbridge high-five line.

Her teammates mobbed her when she got back to the team bench.

Once Marlee freed herself from her teammates, Coach Spears clapped her on the back. “I don’t know how you turned that one around, McAllister, but keep it up.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

Marlee turned to look for Jeri. She scanned the field and found her sitting against the center field fence. Jeri held her head in her hands with her hat pulled down over her eyes. Her glove had obviously been thrown as far away as possible.

“Coach, I’ll go,” Marlee said as Coach Spears started to walk toward Jeri. Marlee ran out and plopped on the ground next to Jeri. “What’s up?”

Silence.

“If you’re worried about that ball in center field, don’t. It wasn’t your fault. And besides, how many batters did I walk today?”

No response.

“I’ll tell you. Five! Five batters. What’s up with that? Look, Jeri, I’m just as happy with a one-hitter. You know my dad told me once that Tom Seaver never pitched a no-hitter with the Mets. So the way I see it, I’m in good company. And besides, I’ve never pitched a one-hitter either. Leaves a little room for improvement, right?”

Still nothing.

Marlee kept trying. “And besides, maybe I’m saving my no-hitter perfect game for that stupid East Valley team.”

Jeri snickered in spite of herself. “Stop trying to cheer me up, Marlee.” She pushed Marlee away without any real conviction. “I suck! I just couldn’t find the ball. The sun was right in my eyes. I had my hat on and I used my glove to block the sun like Coach taught us. But I just lost it. I’m so sorry.” She jabbed at a tear and covered her face again. “You probably hate me,” she muttered from behind her hands.

“I don’t hate you. I’m just bummed that you’re not celebrating. We just won our game, you dork. Now would you get up? Outfielders are so lazy.” She pushed her friend over and then jumped up to run away.

“Oh, you are going to be so sorry you did that.” Jeri chased Marlee around the outfield. When Jeri stopped to pick up her glove, Marlee kept running. She ran back toward the bleachers to finally greet Susie properly.

“Aay, the one that got away,” Susie said.

“I know. What are you gonna do? Jeri feels so bad.” Marlee looked over and watched Jeri get mobbed by her teammates who also seemed to want a shot at cheering her up.

Susie smiled. An apology in her eyes. “Hey, sorry I missed the first part of the game. I was at Christy’s and she didn’t want me to leave so I had to lie about where I was going. And then it took, like, forever to get here.”

Marlee understood about lying. She probably would have lied to Jeri about where she was going, too. But Marlee was becoming more and more uneasy about the amount of time Susie seemed to spend with Christy. She didn’t mention her uneasiness, she just said, “I know. We live too far apart.”

“I should have just come from home. Christy can live without me for a day, you know?” Susie pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

Marlee longed to do it for her, but knew she couldn’t.

Jeri, having broken free from her well-meaning teammates, joined them. She gave Susie a firm handshake and asked, “Girl, what in the world brings a Panther to Cougar territory on a Saturday afternoon?”

Marlee answered for her. “Oh, I invited her. But I never thought a lowly Panther would dare infiltrate Cougar territory.”

Susie played along. “I had to see what all the fuss was about.”

Jeri turned to Susie. “Hey, convince this slacker that you guys need to go bowling with us.”

Marlee took the lead. “I can’t, Jeri. I really have to catch up on that homework.”

“Fine. Let your friends down.”

Marlee’s nerves jangled. She knew Jeri was just teasing, but she thought she also heard disbelief in her friend’s voice, too.

Susie rescued her. “Uh, thanks for the invite, but, I can’t. I just came for the game. I have to get back home. Another time?”

“Absolutely,” Jeri said good-naturedly. “It was good to see you. Tell Christy hi.” She turned to Marlee and said, “Do you need a ride home?”

“No, um, Susie’s gonna drop me off. Thanks.” That part was certainly true. But Jeri wouldn’t ever know that once Marlee cleaned up from the game, Susie was going to take her right back out again. And ironically they would probably end up at Lake Birch.

Chapter Eight

People Like Us

MARLEE PRACTICALLY TREMBLED all the way back to her house. Susie’s car, a compact Toyota something-or-other, forced Marlee to sit so close to Susie that their arms almost touched. And when Susie’s hand closed over hers it was thrilling and scary all at the same time. She even got a little light-headed. She couldn’t believe that simply holding someone’s hand could make you dizzy. Holding Bobby’s hand had never made her feel this way. Not even close.

When they got to her house, Marlee saw that her mother wasn’t home yet. She directed Susie to pull the car all the way up the long driveway to the kitchen door in the back.

“We never use the front door,” Marlee said. “If anybody knocks on that door we probably don’t know them.”

Susie smiled. “And then you can pretend you’re not home, right? Is it okay to park here?”

“Yeah, sure. My mom parks in the garage.”

They got out of the car and Susie opened the trunk so Marlee could retrieve her softball bag. “Thanks for the lift,” Marlee said aloud, but her eyes sent a silent message.

“Of course. Now let’s get you cleaned up so I can get you alone.” Message received.

The two girls went into the kitchen. Marlee called for her mother just to make absolutely sure she wasn’t home. Receiving no answer she threw her softball bag on the kitchen floor and wheeled around to face Susie. Susie turned the deadbolt on the door. Lips met willing lips. Susie reached for one of Marlee’s hands and kissed the open palm. She placed the palm against her chest just beneath her throat.

“Do you feel my heart pounding?”

Marlee stood frozen. “Yes.” It was barely a whisper.

“You’d better go take a shower because I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself much longer.” Susie grinned.

Marlee felt the color rise to her already inflamed cheeks. She swallowed hard. She leaned in for one last kiss before she took the stairs two at a time. She stopped at the top, looked down at Susie, and said, “I can’t believe you’re here. In my house. Waiting for me.”

Susie just smiled.

“Oh, and if my mom comes home, uh, introduce yourself, I guess.” She flew into her room at the top of the stairs.

When Marlee stepped out of the shower, she heard voices in the kitchen. Oh no, Mom came home. Marlee towel-dried her hair so furiously that she almost gave herself towel burns. She threw on her robe and practically skipped to her bedroom. She left the door ajar as she got dressed. What was the harm in a little eavesdropping among friends and family? She heard her mother say, “Well, I’m glad you and Marlee are friends. I was concerned about that big rivalry.”

Susie responded, “Well, actually, I never took it too seriously. Both teams are good so that makes us competitive. Of course, we did beat them last time.”

“Oh yeah?” Marlee called down to the kitchen. “Well, you just wait until next time.”

“And,” Susie raised her voice so Marlee would be sure to hear every word, “I’m sure I don’t have to remind her that the only grand slam I’ve ever hit in my life was off her.”

“Keep it up, wise guy,” Marlee called down. She kept buttoning her shirt the wrong way. Slow down, she chided herself. She’s not going anywhere without you. “I’ll be down in a minute. I’m almost ready.”

She sat on the edge of her bed to put her sneakers on and looked toward the door. Susie was just beyond that door and down the stairs. She took a deep breath. She wanted to be calm when she went downstairs to greet her mother. She didn’t want her mom to guess anything about what Susie really meant to Marlee. Because even she didn’t know what that was yet. She frantically searched for her Clarksonville sweatshirt and finally found it on her dad’s recliner, under the cat.

“Oh, Patches. Are you getting kitty hair on my sweatshirt?” She nudged the cat off. Patches cried her disapproval. After a quick inspection, Marlee decided that the sweatshirt was ready for active duty and patted Patches on the head. “Sorry girl, but this has to be a perfect night. Susie’s here. The one I’ve been telling you about. I’ll tell you all about our...” What should I call this? A date? Is this a date? Oh, my God. I think this is a date. “I’ll tell you all about my date when I get home.” She patted the cat again.

She paused at the top of the stairs when she heard Susie say, “Well, actually, I’m still a junior, so I don’t know where I’m going to college yet. I have to get financial aid from somewhere so Harvard’s probably out.” Susie laughed and Marlee melted at the sound. “I’ll probably go to one of the SUNY’s, maybe Brockport in Rochester. They offer a Bachelor’s in Geology there.”

“Geology? How did you get interested in that?” her mother asked.

Marlee knew that Susie was a junior like she was, but she didn’t know Susie had a thing for geology. Marlee wanted to major in physics or engineering or something like that. Mrs. Stratton had told her about the physics program at Cornell University. Marlee liked the idea of going to an Ivy League college and Mrs. Stratton hinted that Marlee had good enough grades, but like Susie, tuition would be an issue. She wondered with a scheming smile if she could major in physics at SUNY Brockport.

Susie answered her mother’s question. “Oh, when I took Earth Science, my teacher loved geology. She had a passion for plate tectonics and stuff. I caught the bug for it, I guess.”

Marlee started down the stairs slowly. She realized with sudden unease that she really didn’t know this girl in her kitchen. She heard Susie laugh at something her mother said, and her unease dissipated like snow on a softball field in April. She bounded down the rest of the stairs.

“Hi, Mom.” Marlee gave her mother a hug. “We’re going, Mom.”

Her mother laughed. “Was it something I said? Did you win today?”

Marlee hugged her mother again. “Yeah. I almost had a no-hitter.” She nudged Susie toward the door. “We’re going to Valley Lanes to meet Jeri and the gang. I don’t want to be late.”

Her mother’s cell phone rang. She held up an index finger to Marlee, clearly a signal to wait. “Marge McAllister. Oh, hello, Joan, can you hang on a second? Thanks. Marlee’s just leaving.” She covered the cell phone with her hand. “Marlee, do you have your cell phone?”

“Yeah.” She inched them toward the door.

“And, I’m assuming all your homework is done?”

Oh, come on, Mom. Not now! Marlee was mortified that her mother brought up the homework thing in front of Susie. “Yeah, Mom. I told you that this morning.” C’mon, Mom, c’mon. Just let me go.

“Okay, then.”

Victory!

Her mother turned toward Susie and said, “Susie, it was nice to meet you.”

“It was nice to meet you, too.”

“Have a nice time, girls.”

They turned toward the kitchen door anxious to go when Marlee’s mom abruptly said, “Marlee?”

What now? She tried to sound calm. “Yeah, Mom?”

“Midnight, okay?”

“Yeah, Mom, of course. We gotta go. Bye.”

They flew out the door and let the screen door bang behind them.

When they got into Susie’s car, Susie said, “So, where are we really going?” She started the Toyota and backed up the gravel driveway.

“Just drive where I tell you,” Marlee instructed and reached for Susie’s hand.

They drove toward the village of Clarksonville and stopped at the McDonald’s drive-thru. Susie pulled the car back onto

C.R. 62 and said, “This is our first dinner together.”

Marlee smiled at the thought. “And here we are hiding in your car because I can’t let any of my friends see us.” She sighed and handed Susie a bag of french fries.

Marlee gave Susie directions to Lake Birch. When they reached the four-way stop intersecting County Roads 62 and 12, Marlee reached over and pulled Susie toward her. She kissed her eagerly.

Susie kissed her back for a moment, but then broke off abruptly. “Somebody might see us.”

Marlee looked around in the twilight. She blushed. She had forgotten about the rest of the world. “I feel so safe with you. I forgot about...people.”

Susie grabbed her hand. “Just be patient, mi vida. You can wait a few more minutes.” She squeezed Marlee’s hand and added, “You have to remember that most folks aren’t kind to people like us.”

People like us. Am I one of those people?

Marlee thought she would never go back to Lake Birch, but here she was heading up the pine-lined entrance with Susie. She directed Susie to the west end of the nearly deserted parking lot. She and Bobby had always parked on the east end near the lake, but she wanted to be as far away from those memories as possible. She scanned the lot and thankfully didn’t recognize either of the other two cars. Susie pulled into the quiet dark corner. Marlee was grateful that the summer season wasn’t in full swing, because for now they had a little bit of privacy.

Susie didn’t even have the car engine turned off when Marlee whipped off her seatbelt and spun around to face her. Marlee realized she must have had an expectant look on her face because Susie teased, “Miss me?”

Understatement of the year, Marlee thought. She nodded and grinned like a kid in a candy store.

“Come here.” Susie held her arms open. Marlee fell into them and absorbed Susie’s warmth. She felt safe, enfolded in Susie’s strong arms. Susie stroked Marlee’s short hair and said, “I missed you, too, Marlee.”

Marlee wanted to hold on to Susie’s warm athletic body as long as she could. She put her shaking arms around Susie’s neck. She maneuvered much more easily in Susie’s Toyota than she ever had in Bobby’s Camaro. Thinking of Bobby made her uncharacteristically aggressive and she crushed Susie’s mouth with her own. Susie kissed her eagerly in return.

Susie whispered, “Eres tan hermosa, Marlee. You’re so beautiful.”

Marlee shivered. That was the second time Susie had called her beautiful. She lost herself in Susie’s kiss. She had never felt this way with Bobby. Susie maneuvered her way to Marlee’s neck and nuzzled the sensitive skin there. She moved up and kissed Marlee’s earlobe sucking the soft skin tenderly. Marlee moaned. She was embarrassed about moaning out loud, but her nerve endings were on fire and she couldn’t help it. Susie moved back down and nuzzled the other side of Marlee’s neck. Marlee quivered and pulled away. It was too much.

Susie looked at Marlee and said thickly, “C’mon, let’s go for a walk. We need some air.” She opened her car door.

When the interior light came on, Marlee saw contentment in Susie’s eyes. That was not the look she’d seen in Bobby’s eyes the last time she was there with him.

When they met in front of the car, Susie held out her hand.

“Let’s walk by the lake.”

“I thought you were worried about someone seeing us.”

“I know, but it’s dark and I want to hold your hand and walk with you in the moonlight. And, besides,” Susie continued, “with your short hair and my big chest they’ll just figure you’re the boy and I’m the girl.” She took Marlee’s hand and squeezed gently.

Marlee melted. Bobby had never once wanted to walk by the lake and hold her hand. Maybe because she and Bobby could hold hands in plenty of places—the movies, the mall, basically everywhere. Realization dawned on her that she would not be able to hold hands openly with Susie. It wasn’t like they could go to the East Valley Mall and hold hands there. This might be one of the few times they could hold hands, in a pitch-black deserted park.

They walked along the edge of the trees with the light from the waning moon to guide them. When they reached the lake, they strolled hand-in-hand along the manmade beach only a few yards from the water. Although the evening air was cool, Marlee felt rather warm. They walked quietly for a while until Marlee said pensively, “You know, I hated lying to my mom. But what was I gonna tell her? That I wanted to be alone with you? Lies seem to come with this, don’t they?”

“Yup.” Susie sounded a bit sad. “I didn’t tell my folks where I was going, either. I told them I was going to Christy’s.”

“They won’t check on you?”

“At Christy’s? Not a chance. I’m over there all the time.”

All the time? Marlee swallowed hard. “Where does Christy think you are tonight?”

“Well, I told her that I had family up from the city this weekend and I had to hang at home. She can live without me for an evening.”

“Oh.”

“I actually do have to hang out with my cousins, but that’s next weekend after the SAT’s, and I had to tell Christy something so I lied.” She hesitated and said somberly, “You get used to the lies.”

“Yeah, I guess. But I lied big-time to Jeri and Lisa.”

“Why don’t you just tell them? Tell Jeri the truth. Think she’d flip out about us?”

Marlee’s heart leaped with joy. There was an “us.” She said, “I have no idea how Jeri’d react. I’m still not sure how to react myself.”

When they reached the end of the beach area, a dark expanse of forest lay ahead of them so they turned around and headed back toward the stand of birch trees they had passed earlier.

Susie changed the subject. “Your mom’s pretty cool. I think she liked me.”

“Yeah, I think she did. Thanks for being so charming.”

“Hey, anything to help the cause, right?”

Marlee laughed and squeezed Susie’s hand.

Susie continued. “Your mom must be one tough lady.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean she had to become both parents all of a sudden when your dad died. That couldn’t have been easy, especially with you so young at the time.”

Marlee grew quiet. She rarely talked about her father’s death with anyone except her mother. Well, Patches sometimes and Jeri every now and then, but never this casually. “I, uh, never really thought about it. I was into my own stuff, I guess.”

“It must have been hard losing your dad.”

The now-familiar heartache returned. She was quiet for a few moments. Susie seemed to respect her silence and also seemed to understand how much it still hurt, even after five years. “He died when I was eleven. I knew he was gone, but I kept expecting him to come home, you know? Like he always did. I remember once I heard a thump in the kitchen and it sounded just like when he set his briefcase down. I jumped up from my bed and ran down the stairs. Susie, when I got to the kitchen and he wasn’t there I realized what I had done and I just lost it. I started crying and kicking the kitchen door.”

Susie stopped walking. She pulled Marlee into a hug and rocked her gently. “Oh, Marlee. I’m so sorry. I bet that was hard for you to deal with.”

“Yeah, it was. It still is. I miss him. Especially when softball season rolls around. He and I always played catch in the yard.” She pulled out of Susie’s embrace and reached for her hand again. They continued their trek back toward the parking lot. Marlee laughed and said, “I think my mom was kind of jealous, but she knew that I was always Daddy’s little tomboy. I still am, I guess.” She looked up to the moonlit sky. “Right, Dad?” She smiled and looked back at Susie for a moment. “Well, anyway, yeah, my mom took control of everything and got a job and took care of us. I used to hear her crying at night when she thought I was asleep. I didn’t know what to do. I felt so bad for her. But I guess we both had to have our private moments about Dad, you know?”

“You and your mom are strong women. It kills me to think of you hurting like that, but you know what? I’m sure your dad still looks out for you.” She squeezed Marlee’s hand. “Do you think he approves of me? Of us?”

“If he sees you the way I do, then yes, one hundred times over, yes.” Marlee hadn’t expected to talk about her parents like this, but she found comfort sharing herself with Susie. Back in the house before they had left, Marlee thought she didn’t know Susie that well, and she didn’t really, but now she saw a caring and sensitive side to Susie. Her heart swelled. She said, “I think my dad probably gets it, gets us, way up there in heaven, but I’m not sure how people will react here, you know? I’m still coming to terms with it myself.”

“Yeah, that’s got to be the hardest part, I think. Coming out to yourself. So you had no idea?”

Marlee shrugged her shoulders and leaned against Susie as they walked. “Not really, but when I look back I think I had a lot of pieces to the puzzle. I just didn’t know I was putting a puzzle together. I mean, c’mon, I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who I liked a lot, but he didn’t make me feel the way you do.”

“Oh, yeah? And how do I make you feel?” Susie leaned back against a birch tree. She pulled Marlee to her.

Marlee hesitated at first, but could barely see the cars in the parking lot through the stand of trees, so she relaxed. “Let me show you.” With ever-increasing boldness, Marlee moved closer to Susie and kissed her gently. Marlee let Susie pull her into a tighter embrace until they were pressed fully against each other. Susie’s softness against hers made her want to stay that way forever. Susie kissed her softly at first, but her kisses became more urgent. Marlee returned the urgency and couldn’t believe that kissing someone could get her so stirred up. When they reluctantly broke away from each other they giggled softly at their fervor. Marlee had never felt like this with anyone before. The moonlight was just bright enough for her to see the intensity in Susie’s eyes. Marlee moved forward again slowly. She reached up to trace Susie’s lips with the tip of her index finger. Susie closed her eyes and kissed Marlee’s finger softly, but then without warning caught the finger with her teeth. She stroked the tip with her tongue. She opened her eyes and then released the finger without warning.

“Marlee?” Susie said shyly. “I really like you.”

Marlee felt her heart jump to her throat. She could barely speak. “Me, too. I mean, I like you, too.”

Bright lights shattered the darkness and spotlighted the two entangled girls. Marlee stumbled away from Susie. “Crap. A car. Let’s go.” They ran, their adrenaline giving them greater speed than they’d ever had running around the bases. Marlee looked over her shoulder and was amazed to see a familiar Blue Camaro. Bobby. And he wasn’t alone.

Chapter Nine

Reflections

MARLEE AND SUSIE raced back to the car in record time, Marlee only a few seconds before Susie. Susie revved the engine and slammed the car in reverse. The tires screeched as she shifted back to drive.

“Bobby’s not alone,” Marlee said.

“Oh, is that who we ran away from?” Susie looked over her shoulder at the Camaro. “Nice set of wheels. But by the looks of those steamed-up windows, I doubt they care who we are.”

And Marlee found that she didn’t care, either. That surprised her a little. “He didn’t take any time replacing me, did he?”

Susie smirked in agreement. “Neither did you.”

“Cut it out.” Marlee playfully punched Susie in her bicep. It was solid.

Susie raised her arm in invitation. “Come here.”

Marlee accepted the invitation and moved to snuggle in the hollow of Susie’s arm. “I’m sorry we got interrupted. I, uh...” She felt herself blush. “I really liked what we were doing.”

“Mmm, me too.”

Marlee, alive with sensations, continued, “And I liked when you...” She took a deep breath. “When you bit my finger. That was amazing.”

“I know,” Susie answered. “Fingers are sensitive. Christy...”

Marlee sat bolt upright when Susie didn’t finish. “Christy what?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing. Come here.” She stopped the car on the dark road that led out of the park and opened her arms in invitation.

Marlee resisted. “Susie. C’mon. Christy what?”

“Oh, she just told me once that the fingers on her pitching hand were sensitive. Marlee, I don’t even remember why we were talking about it. Look, I’m sorry I brought her up. Let’s not talk about Christy, okay?” Susie’s arms were still waiting.

Marlee hesitated, but forced the sliver of doubt into the far recesses of her mind. She relaxed into Susie’s open arms.

Susie gave her a reassuring hug. “C’mon. I gotta get you home.” She pulled one arm free so she could steer.

MARLEE WAS PROUD of herself. She didn’t know how she had the power to concentrate only one day after her fantastic time with Susie at Lake Birch, but not only did she get a head start on her calculus homework for the following week, she also studied for the SAT’s and was finished with everything by seven in the evening. She would be fine with the math section of the SAT’s the following Saturday, but her guidance counselor had politely suggested that Marlee improve her verbal score. Studying vocabulary wasn’t her favorite thing to do, but she had to because she didn’t want grief from her mom when she called Susie, because technically, Sunday was a school night.

She picked up the phone and plopped her vocabulary-weary self into the recliner. She should call Jeri, since she hadn’t talked to Jeri since the game the day before. She wanted to tell Jeri what was happening to her, about how happy she was, and about her amazing evening at Lake Birch with Susie. Well, maybe she’d leave some details out, she thought wryly, but Marlee wanted to believe she could tell Jeri just about anything. But as far as Jeri knew, Marlee had been home all Saturday evening doing calculus homework. No, she’d just wait and see Jeri in school tomorrow.

Marlee dialed Susie’s number. She was relieved when Susie and not Susie’s grandmother answered the phone. Marlee didn’t know much Spanish, and communicating with Susie’s grandmother was nearly impossible. Susie had taught Marlee just enough Spanish so she could ask for Susie if her grandmother answered the phone.

“Susie!” Marlee exclaimed over-enthusiastically.

“Marlee! It’s been so long,” Susie teased.

“Stop it. I missed you all day.” Marlee pouted.

“I missed you, too. I’m glad you thought me more interesting than SAT studying. I know it was a close contest.”

“Oh, stop. I got pretty far ahead in my homework, too. Mrs. Stratton is gonna have to leave me alone this week.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I, uh, had fun last night. I think I’m still shaking.”

“I’m glad I have that effect on you.”

Marlee could hear the smile in Susie’s voice. “So, when can I see you again? I wish I could see you during the week, too, not just on the weekend.”

“I know,” Susie said. “Listen, when school’s out in June we can see each other whenever we want, mi vida. It’s just too far to drive during the week, and besides I have softball and homework. Just like you do.”

“Tell me about it,” Marlee conceded.

The impracticality of seeing each other during the week made Marlee restless. She felt as if something dormant had awakened inside her, deep inside, something that needed fulfillment. It scared her a little. No, it scared her a lot.

“Aay, corazon,” Susie continued, “I’m afraid we can’t see each other this weekend coming up, either.”

“Why?” Marlee sat up in the recliner. The footrest banged back in place. “Why can’t I see you?”

“Marlee, I know it’s hard.” Susie seemed to pick her words carefully. “I don’t like it either, but I told you before that my cousins were coming up from Brooklyn for the entire weekend. My mom would kill me if I left during the reunion. Some of my cousins are almost my age and I haven’t seen them in a few years so after my SAT’s on Saturday I’ve gotta hang out with them. I hate not being able to see you, too, but you understand, don’t you? Family obligations?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Marlee said reluctantly. “I just forgot they were coming. And I have the SAT’s too. But what about the night before? Friday? Maybe you could come over? Or I could take a bus out there or something.” Marlee knew the desperation showed in her voice, but she couldn’t help it. She was desperate. She wanted to see Susie next weekend. No, she wanted to see Susie right then and said so.

“I know. I want to see you, too. But I have an away game on Friday. Don’t you have an away game, too?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“And besides, Christy’s folks are home so we can’t hang out there. Remember?”

“Yeah, I guess. But I reserve the right to be officially bummed about it,” Marlee grumbled. “This means I won’t see you for two whole weeks. Do you realize that the next time I’ll see you is the next time we play you guys?”

“Yup.” Susie also sounded glum, but then her voice perked up. “Hey, what about that weekend?”

“What? Anything,” Marlee pleaded.

“That Friday you guys come out here to play us...”

“Yeah, what? What?”

“Why don’t you go with your team on the bus, but then stay here, overnight, with me?” The excitement in Susie’s voice was catching.

“Stay overnight? With you?” This was new territory for Marlee. When she was dating Bobby, she could never say to her mom, “See you tomorrow, Mom. I’m having a sleepover at Bobby’s.” Not going to happen. But it could happen with Susie. The very idea of a sleepover scared her to death, but she kind of liked the secrecy of the whole thing.

“Okay.” Marlee’s mind revved at a thousand miles a minute. “I mean, I’ll have to ask my mom first.” What would she say to her mom? What would she say to Jeri? Lisa? Her coach? Her teammates? What should she wear? What should she bring? “Where will I sleep?”

“That’s easy,” Susie said confidently. “In my room. I have an air mattress and a couple of sleeping bags.”

“Oh, okay.” The reality of their plans hit her. “Oh,” she said in a voice low with understanding.

“Aay, don’t get nervous now. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But my room’s over the garage. It’s the old caretaker’s apartment. Not that we ever had caretakers,” she amended. “The people who had the house before us used it for storage. It’s separate from the house, way on the other side of the driveway. Now it’s my room. And you know what that means?” Susie asked.

“What?”

“Complete privacy. We’ll have all the privacy we want. Even Miguel, my brother, won’t bother us.” Susie’s tone was reassuring. “You can meet my grandmother and Miguel and my mom and dad, if my parents are home, that is. They’re always working.”

“I’d love to meet your family.” Marlee, still trying to wrap her mind around their plans, said, “But I’m going to miss you until then.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Marlee brooded silently on her end.

“Marlee, c’mon. You know this is the way it’s gotta be for now. We’ll more than make up for everything weekend after next. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“And then soon we’ll have the entire summer. You’ll get your driver’s license and you can come out here whenever you want.”

Marlee’s spirits lifted with Susie’s optimism. “Yeah, okay. I guess I can handle two weeks without seeing you, but I want to talk to you every day.”

“You can’t, Marlee. Remember?”

Marlee had forgotten. “Oh, man. That sucks. I can’t talk to you because I suck at calculus.”

“I’m sure you don’t suck at it, but I tell you what. I’ll call you tomorrow after practice. Maybe your mom will let me talk to you now that she knows me. What do you think?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Marlee wasn’t hopeful, though.

“But get your homework done anyway. Sleep tight, mi amor.”

Marlee hung up and thought about the sleepover plans they had just made. She laughed when she realized that she was more excited about the sleepover than she was about the crucial Clarksonville-East Valley game beforehand.

Marlee patted her lap. “Hey, Patches, share the recliner?” The cat jumped up on the proffered lap. Marlee scratched Patches behind the ears absentmindedly. Her mother knew that she and Susie had become fast friends, so convincing her mother to let her sleep over at Susie’s shouldn’t be too hard. Of course, Mrs. Stratton probably would have to put in a good word for her, too. But telling Jeri was another matter. She missed sharing things with her best friend. She was going to have to come up with something.

Susie had said, “Tell Jeri the truth.” The truth. The truth wasn’t going to be easy. She looked down at Patches and said, “Hey Jeri, I’m in love with Susie.” Patches’ eyes were closed. “Hmm, you’re right. Too abrupt. Saying it out loud even scared me.” She stroked the cat under her chin. Patches purred. “How about this. Hey Jeri, I’m attracted to a person’s personality. I was attracted to Bobby for a while and now I’m attracted to a different person who happens to be female. But I’m not...gay.” She whispered the last word. And despite the fact that Patches continued to purr, the words rang false in Marlee’s ears.

I can’t be gay. If you’re gay, she reasoned, you have to have short hair. I have short hair. But wait, you also have to wear flannel shirts. She looked down. Phew, no flannel. But I have at least five flannel shirts in my closet. Oh no. But wait. You have to march in gay parades and ride a motorcycle. Aha, she thought satisfied. I don’t have a motorcycle and I have never been to a gay parade.

She said the words out loud again, “I am not gay.” She repeated the words a few more times as if to convince herself of their truth. Remember Christina? Marlee had sat behind Christina Larson in Mr. Cole’s Chemistry class the year before. Marlee thought that Christina was the most beautiful girl in the entire school. She remembered Christina’s long blond hair. Her hair often rested on Marlee’s desk, but Marlee never minded.

Marlee recalled the day when Christina turned full around and put both hands on Marlee’s desk. Christina’s blue eyes locked on to Marlee’s, inches away. Christina asked, “Hey Mar, can I borrow your notes from yesterday? I was absent.” Christina was the only one who called her “Mar.” And that was okay, because, after all, she was Christina. Naturally, Marlee knew that Christina had been absent. I noticed everything about her, didn’t I? Marlee remembered fumbling with her notebook, cursing her own clumsiness, and then ripping out the notes. She handed them over.

“Oh, Mar, I could have xeroxed them. You didn’t have to rip them out of your beautiful notebook.” Marlee remembered getting even more flustered and mumbling something incoherent. She was sure she had turned beet red. Christina had given her a puzzled look, but followed it with a broad ear-to-ear grin. “You’re great, Mar. Thanks.”

Marlee continued to pet Patches absent-mindedly.

And what about ninth grade, she asked herself. The school’s homecoming queen, senior Katy Morgan, played third base during Marlee’s freshman year. Katy was going out with Shaun Kramer, one of the best-looking guys in the senior class. Marlee just adored the two of them. But then, everybody loved Shaun and Katy. Katy was one of those nice people you went out of your way to please. Or was I the only one who did that?

Marlee remembered the time when Katy seemed very upset after an away game. She was crying and seemed inconsolable. Coach Spears finally found out that Katy had somehow lost Shaun’s school ring during the game. The bus driver was asked to wait while every member of the Clarksonville softball team scoured the field. Marlee longed to be the one to find the ring and present it to Katy. She wanted to be Katy’s hero. They never did find the ring, and Marlee was as crushed as Katy.

Two crushes in the past two years. Two crushes on girls in the past two years, Marlee amended. She went another year back in her memory and recalled the eighth grade. All her friends were attracted to boys, but she had absolutely no interest, none at all, but pretended she did. In fact, until Bobby showed up this past New Year’s, she still hadn’t been interested. And way back in sixth grade, she dreamed about living with her best friend, Sarah, forever. But Sarah was boy crazy, even then. And Marlee remembered panicking that Sarah might get married, move away, and leave her all alone. The fear partly became truth when Sarah’s family relocated to Arizona the very next summer. Marlee cried many nights in her room over that one.

She had always been called a tomboy. As she got older people called her an “athlete.” Will they call me ‘dyke’ from now on? She frowned. She wasn’t sure she wanted that label. Dykes go to the city on their motorcycles, wear those flannel shirts, and go to bars to meet other dykes. She didn’t have a motorcycle and she wasn’t sure she wanted one. And if she’d never met any gay people before, how did she know so much about them?

“Patches,” she said to her cat, “you’re lucky you don’t have to worry about stuff like this. And we still have to figure out what we’re going to say to Jeri. Okay, fine. What I’m gonna say to Jeri. Too bad you can’t do it for me. I’ll give you extra milk. No?” She had about two weeks to come up with something. Plenty of time.

THREE DAYS AWAY from the big game and the even bigger sleepover, Marlee sat on her bed and wracked her brain trying to come up with something to say to Jeri about her planned overnighter at Susie’s. Mrs. Stratton had called home the day before and given Marlee a positive review so her phone privileges had been restored. Marlee wondered if Mrs. Stratton had graded the math test Marlee had taken that morning. Marlee knew she hadn’t done very well on it. Even though she had been doing her homework, so many other things invaded her mind that she didn’t retain much of the information. She’d had to think about things like Susie and their sleepover on Friday, the SAT’s, her lack of phone privileges, pitching, and, of course, finding a way to tell Jeri about her overnight weekend with Susie. When her mom finally okayed the trip to Susie’s, a small part of her finally relaxed. The positive phone call from her math teacher probably had something to do with it. Her mother had just written the note to Coach Spears giving her permission to stay in East Valley after the game. At least that part had gone well.

Since Marlee couldn’t spend time with Susie over the past weekend, Marlee was able to spend a lot of time with Jeri and Lisa and their other softball friends. On Friday night they went to a movie at the Roxy and then to Stewart’s afterward for ice cream. The next day they went to the Valley Lanes Bowling Alley. Marlee didn’t realize how much she had missed hanging out with her friends. But her fun was always tempered by the task looming ahead of her. She had to talk to Jeri, somehow, some way. But she could never seem to find the right moment to tell her. Somebody else was always around or Jeri was in the middle of telling a really good story. Mainly, Marlee didn’t want to break the mood. Honesty was hard. Really hard.

Marlee’s mother knocked on Marlee’s partially open bedroom door. “Marlee, are you feeling well? You’re not on the phone.”

“Ha, ha, Mom,” Marlee feigned laughter. “Susie’s been busy, and besides, she said she’d call me on Tuesday, and today is Tuesday. So, if the phone rings, I’ll get it.”

“Back to normal.” Marge McAllister smiled at her daughter. She started to leave, but turned around and asked, “Are you ready for Friday’s game? Susie’s team?”

In fact, Marlee hadn’t given the game itself much thought. She was too preoccupied with talking to Jeri and the post-game trip to Susie’s house. She had never done anything like this before and her nerves were on edge. And she had no one to talk to about it, either. No one. Her mother was waiting for an answer so she said, “Oh, yeah. Lisa and I have been working on my change-up during practice. She thinks I have the sneakiest change-up in the whole North Country.”

“Oh? And what does Coach Spears think about that?”

Marlee laughed. “I don’t know. She just wants me to strike out more batters than I walk.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“Well, if you’d come to a game, you’d know,” Marlee teased. “No, actually it’s working out pretty good, I guess. Lisa gets so mad when I walk somebody. It’s not like I do it on purpose. I just lose my grip or my concentration or something.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll work it out. And,” her mother smiled, “I’ll be there Friday rooting for you.”

“Hooray,” Marlee said. “She finally puts away the real estate listings.”

“Well, actually,” her mother said sheepishly, “I’m checking out a listing in East Valley before the game. You’re taking the team bus, right?”

“Oh, Mom,” Marlee responded exasperated. “Yeah, I’m taking the bus. You don’t have to drive me. And Susie’s driving me home late Saturday, remember? God, I can’t wait to get my license in June.”

“Great, then we’ll be competing for the van.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re feeling okay. I’ll be downstairs.”

“Okay, Mom.”

When her mother left the room, Marlee picked up the phone and checked the dial tone. It was working just fine. The last time she had spoken to Susie was right before her cousins came to visit. That was almost five days ago. Way too long. She picked up the phone again. The dial tone was still strong. She passed the time by cleaning her room until about 9:00 p.m. and then finally decided to take matters into her own hands. She dialed Susie’s number.

The phone rang twice.

“¿Alo?” Oh, no it’s her grandmother. “Uh, hola. ¿Esta Susie en casa?”

Marlee asked if Susie was home in her poor Spanish.

“¿Quién?” the Grandmother shouted.

“Uh, Susana. ¿Esta Susana en casa?” Marlee hoped the name change would work. It was like unlocking some kind of code. Too late now, but she wished she had taken Spanish instead of Latin.

“¿Quién habla?”

Marlee had no idea what that meant. She said, “I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Is Susie home?”

“Aay. No, no,” Susie’s grandmother shouted. “Susana esta con Christy.” The phone clicked in Marlee’s ear. Susie’s grandmother had hung up.

Marlee wasn’t sure, but she thought the grandmother had just told her that Susie was at Christy Loveland’s house.

Chapter Ten

Rivals

“TOO BAD WE weren’t allowed to take the Mustang,” Jeri said from the back seat of the old yellow school bus. The Clarksonville bus had just passed through the oak tunnel of C.R. 62 and crossed over the East Valley town line. The heady smell of newly mowed grass permeated the spring evening as the Clarksonville softball team pulled into Sandstoner Fields.

“That would have been cool,” Marlee said from the other back seat.

“Yeah, we could’ve hung out at Christy’s or something after the game. Her parents must be home, though, because your new friend Susie would have invited us to hang out, otherwise.”

Marlee heard the sarcasm in her friend’s voice loud and clear.

Lisa sat right in front of Jeri and said, “I love playing under the lights. I wish we had lights.”

Lisa had steered the conversation in another direction, so Marlee ran with it. “Yeah, and real dugouts and real bleachers and a real bullpen.”

Jeri added, “And a real fence in the outfield, not that stupid old wooden thing. I’m gonna get hurt one day.”

“Awww,” Marlee and Lisa cried in sympathy.

“Oh, shut up, both of you.” Jeri turned to face Marlee. “So, uh, Susie didn’t say anything about hanging out after the game?”

Marlee tried to clear the lump in her throat. She still hadn’t told Jeri she was staying in East Valley. She hadn’t told her she was going to Susie’s for the night. She just hadn’t known how. She shifted in her seat on the bus and said, “Um, well, actually...” She stumbled over her words and wished Lisa would give them some privacy. Tell Jeri the truth. “Um,” she said again, “Susie invited me to come to her house after the game tonight. To stay over, I mean.” She cringed and waited for Jeri’s reaction.

Lisa turned away from both of them, finding sudden interest in her teammates in the front of the bus.

For the longest while Jeri didn’t say anything. She just turned away from Marlee and looked out the bus window.

Say something, Jeri, Marlee willed.

Finally, Jeri turned back to face Marlee and said coldly, “Whatever.”

“Jeri, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I didn’t know how to tell you.” And that definitely was the truth.

The bus pulled up behind the visitors’ dugout and Jeri bolted out of her seat before the bus came to a full stop.

“Jeri, hold on.” Marlee struggled to get her stuff. “Jeri, c’mon.” She sat back down and watched her go.

Unable to move, Marlee watched as her teammates filed off the bus. She finally found the strength to pick up her gear and trudge off the bus herself. The cool evening air revived her a bit, and although she didn’t really need to, she yanked the hood of her sweatshirt over her head. She dragged herself to the visitors’ dugout with the hood pulled low over her eyes. She spied around for Susie and found her in the home team dugout laughing with Christy. She didn’t know how she was going to pitch that evening with the myriad thoughts running through her mind. Confusion over why Susie hadn’t called, anticipation for their upcoming night together, anxiety over pitching, excitement over her mother finally coming to a game, and now regret that she had hurt her best friend’s feelings.

Coach Spears intercepted Marlee before she had a chance to get to the dugout. “Marlee, I know I don’t have to tell you, but, I’m going to remind you anyway. This game is huge. We only have one loss. They,” she gestured toward the East Valley dugout, “have no losses. If we’ve got any kind of shot at a trophy, we’ve got to beat them tonight.”

“I know, Coach. Believe me, I know.” Marlee had known, but with so many things to think about she couldn’t make herself focus solely on the game.

“Okay, then. I’ll leave you to get ready.”

Marlee put on her cleats and looked for Jeri, but Jeri was already warming up with some of the outfielders. She took a deep breath and vowed that when she got back from her weekend, she would tell Jeri everything. Yes, everything. Marlee had to do something to salvage their friendship, even if it was the scariest thing she’d ever have to do. That resolved, she took her warmup laps around the field and concentrated on getting ready for the game.

Marlee finished her last lap and found her glove in the dugout. Tall and strong and intimidating in her full catcher’s regalia, Lisa walked up and said, “You ready?” They walked toward the bullpen behind the left field fence. Marlee waved to Susie who was warming up in the outfield with some of her teammates. Susie smiled and waved back but shrugged her shoulders as if to say she wanted to come over and say hello, but had to warm up with her team. Marlee nodded that she understood and settled for watching her out of the corner of her eye.

On their way out to the bullpen, Christy Loveland and her catcher were on their way in. Marlee stopped to say hello, but Christy kept right on walking and said icily over her shoulder, “Ready to lose? Again?” The East Valley catcher snickered and covered her smile with her glove.

Marlee stared after her. What was that all about?

Lisa grabbed Marlee by the arm and pulled her toward the bullpen. “C’mon, Marlee. We’ll show her who’s gonna lose, eh?”

Lisa worked Marlee through their usual pregame routine and after a while, Marlee felt warm, but let Lisa run her through a few more pitches. Lisa threw back a pitch, stood up, and approached Marlee. “Hey, what’s going on with you and Jeri?” she asked quietly.

Marlee’s jaw dropped open and she stared at Lisa wide-eyed. She finally found her voice and asked, “What? What do you mean?” Marlee knew exactly what Lisa meant, but wanted to find out how much Lisa knew. She walked toward her catcher, the ball in her glove.

“I mean, you’re best friends. What’s going on?”

Marlee wanted to say, “It’s none of your business,” but didn’t. Instead she said, “Why? What’d she say?”

“Marlee, she didn’t say anything. It’s just obvious that something’s going on.”

Marlee looked away. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say, so she didn’t.

“Geez, all right,” Lisa continued. “It’s none of my business. I just thought maybe I could help is all.” She grabbed the ball out of Marlee’s glove and said, “C’mon, let’s go back.”

When they passed the bleachers, Marlee waved to her mother in the stands. Her mother waved back and shouted, “Play well. And have a good time.”

Marlee shook her head and said under her breath, “Have a good time. Like I’m going to the movies and not about to play a death match with my mortal enemy.”

“Okay,” she shouted back to her mother and walked to the captains’ circle. With Jeri not speaking to her and Christy acting belligerent, Marlee didn’t know where to look. Thank God the home plate umpire didn’t ask them to introduce themselves so Marlee didn’t have to speak to either one of them.

Marlee’s Cougars got up to bat first since they were the visiting team. Christy promptly struck out Jeri, the lead off batter, in three pitches and then struck out the second Cougar batter with four pitches. Marlee got up to bat determined not to go down swinging against the mighty Christy Loveland. She stepped up to the plate and saw Christy sport an evil grin. Marlee pretended not to see it and pulled her bat back to get ready for the pitch.

Coach Spears called out, “The release, Marlee, watch her release point. Nothing else. C’mon.”

Marlee heard Lisa yell, “C’mon, #3. Save my ups.”

Marlee dug in her heels and got ready for the first pitch. She watched the release point only to see a Christy Loveland fastball heading straight for her head. She spun away from the oncoming ball and fell to the ground. Dazed, she sat up and waited for the world to right itself. Lisa’s was the first face she saw.

“You okay?” Lisa helped Marlee up.

Marlee dusted off her uniform. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

”The ball missed your head by an inch.”

“Really? What was that all about?”

“I think that was your warning shot.” Lisa jogged back to the on-deck circle.

Coach Spears put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it didn’t hit me.”

“Okay, well just take a second to get your breath.”

After a minute, Marlee stepped back in the batter’s box and dug in once again. She refused to let the “warning shot” affect her game. She focused on the release point. Another fastball, this one right down the middle of the plate. Marlee swung and hit a long fly ball to left field. Susie tracked it down easily. The Cougar half of the inning was over. No hits, no runs.

The East Valley team got up to bat in its half of the first inning and Marlee struck out the first two Panther batters and readied herself for the third. She recognized her new friend, Sam, the East Valley second baseman.

“Hey, P,” Sam shouted and tipped her helmet in Marlee’s direction.

P? Marlee was momentarily confused, but then it came to her. She answered, “Hey, 2!” and tipped her hat back in greeting. She heard Lisa say something to Sam, but couldn’t quite make out what she said. Marlee fired her first pitch. Strike one. She heard Lisa say, “Geez, I told you it was gonna be inside. You should listen to me. This next one will be another fastball low but outside.” Lisa put her mitt in the low and outside position and called for another fastball. Marlee didn’t know what to think, but threw the requested pitch. Sam swung and missed. Marlee smiled and heard Lisa say, “Really, you should listen to me. What do you want? Curve? Change? Drop? Rise? Another fastball?”

Sam answered, “Fastball.”

“Wow. You’re actually requesting a McAllister fastball. Brave, very brave.”

Marlee was bewildered. Lisa had never done anything so cocky. She thought Lisa was going to ask for a different pitch just to fool Sam, but then Lisa flashed the sign for fastball, so fastball it would be. Sam swung late and missed again. Strike three. Strike three for the third out of the inning.

Marlee watched Lisa stick out her hand to Sam and say, “Nice try, Sam.”

Sam grabbed Lisa’s hand and shook firmly. She said formally, “Why thank you, Lisa. And, believe me. I am going to hit that thing one day.”

“Oh, yes, indeed. I believe you.” Lisa ran to the Cougar dugout and jumped on Marlee. She shouted, “Awesome inning, Pitcher.”

Lisa led off in the top of the second inning and smashed a single just past the shortstop into left-center field.

Lisa mouthed to Marlee from first base, “There goes her no-hitter.”

Marlee shot a conspiratorial smile back, but felt bad that Lisa had made Susie run after her hit. Marlee had to admit, though, that she enjoyed watching Susie openly and freely, just like everyone else.

The Cougars moved Lisa to third base with a sacrifice bunt and then a sacrifice fly to right field. Unfortunately, Lisa didn’t get any further because the next Cougar batter struck out to end the inning. Marlee’s team came close to scoring, but couldn’t pull it off.

Throughout the innings that followed, neither team scored so by the end of the seven innings of regulation play, the score remained tied at 0-0. Marlee couldn’t believe the game was going into extra innings. She was happy about the way she was pitching, but she was also frustrated because the extra innings delayed her alone time with Susie. She couldn’t even catch Susie’s eye to vent what must be their mutual frustration. She wanted this game over with.

Marlee’s right shoulder muscles ached a bit, but she still felt good enough to continue pitching in the extra innings. Especially because her rise balls were rising on a fairly regular basis and her change-up was working like a charm. Lisa would sometimes signal for the change-up on the first pitch and Marlee had to stifle her laughter each time a Panther batter swung uncontrollably. She even held in her laughter pretty well when she struck out Susie with the change in the fifth inning.

What Marlee didn’t like, however, was that Jeri avoided her in the dugout and still hadn’t said a word to her. But Marlee refused to be shaken by her friend’s coolness because she had already vowed to make it right. As soon as the big weekend was over she would talk to Jeri about her wonderful and fabulous new relationship with Susie. She had no idea how she was going to do it, but if Jeri didn’t want to be her friend after that, she’d deal with that later.

Unfortunately, Marlee’s team couldn’t get any runners on base in the top of the eighth inning and consequently couldn’t score any runs. If the Cougars had any chance of winning they needed to hold the East Valley Panthers scoreless in the bottom of the eighth inning to force a ninth inning with the top of the Cougar batting order due up. Jeri would lead off and she was probably their best chance at scoring a run.

Marlee smiled and watched Susie step up to the plate to lead off the bottom of the eighth inning. She can do a lot of damage if she ever gets hold of one of my pitches. Marlee smiled, but caught the scowl Lisa threw her and stopped smiling. Concentrate, she scolded herself.

High inside fastball. Strike one. Lisa called for a change-up on the outside corner. Marlee delivered the change-up and Susie swung wildly and missed. Marlee winced. Susie probably hadn’t been expecting the change-up on the second pitch. She didn’t really want to strike Susie out again, but remembered that this had been the original game plan the first time the two teams met. And besides, all was fair in love and softball. Right? Lisa called for the rise ball. Marlee relied on her fastball most of the time, but since the rise was working well that evening she didn’t protest. And as soon as she let it go, she knew the pitch was good. Strike three. She struck Susie out for the second time that night.

Lisa ran all the way to the mound with the ball and hugged Marlee. “Way to go, girl.” The hug spun Marlee around so she couldn’t see Susie’s reaction. By the time Lisa let go, Susie was already sitting in the dugout. Marlee couldn’t help feeling that Lisa had distracted her on purpose.

Sorry, Susie, Marlee thought. I’ll make it up to you later.

The next two Panther batters grounded out in turn to force the ninth inning and Marlee was riding high. The Cougars still had a chance. Marlee ran to the dugout and caught up with Lisa on the way. “You are just brilliant today, Lisa.” Marlee clapped her friend on the back with her gloved hand.

“I calls ’em like I sees ’em. And besides, I don’t have anything to do with it. You’re the train, I just keep you on the track.” Lisa began the arduous process of taking off her catcher’s gear in the hopes that she would get up to bat that inning.

Marlee called out to Jeri in the on-deck circle, “Get ’em Jeri. Show them what we’ve got.” Marlee didn’t expect a response and didn’t get one.

Jeri fouled off several of Christy’s rockets and Marlee thought, or hoped that Christy was getting tired. Jeri, ultimately struck out, but Christy needed nine pitches to do it.

With one out, Julie, the Cougars’ number two batter, got up to bat and fouled off pitch after pitch after pitch. Everyone could see that this infuriated Christy. Christy kept glaring at Marlee in the on-deck circle after each foul ball. Marlee didn’t know why Christy was shooting daggers at her because she wasn’t the one fouling off the pitches. Unfortunately for the Cougars, Christy won the battle and Julie struck out. Marlee got up to bat with two outs.

Marlee took another practice swing in the ondeck circle. Her mother, bundled up in the stands, gave her two thumbs up for encouragement. Marlee nodded and headed toward the plate. She put her hand up and asked the umpire for time to get set in the batter’s box. She anchored her right foot in the box and stretched her bat across the plate to make sure she was the proper distance away. She then brought her left foot in and bent her knees. She took one practice swing that signaled to the umpire she was ready for the pitch.

She could hear the Cougar fans yelling for her. Lisa’s voice was always loudest. “C’mon Marlee. Smack it outta here, #3.” Her coach clapped her hands and reminded Marlee about the release point. Marlee heard her mother yell encouragement from the stands. She wasn’t sure about Jeri. She couldn’t worry about that right now. She focused on Christy.

Watch the release. She watched the release all right. Another Christy Loveland rocket roared straight for her head. Marlee saw it coming, but could not react fast enough this time. A thunderclap ripped through her skull followed quickly by searing pain in her shoulder. She knew she’d been hit and was on the ground.

Pain pounded through her brain. She heard someone moaning and through the din heard voices shouting weird things like “Yer out!” and “Keep her helmet on.” She couldn’t figure out what was going on and struggled to open her eyes. White-hot pain drove them closed again. “Call 9-1-1,” was the last thing she heard.

Chapter Eleven

Wounded

MARLEE WOKE UP when she heard her mother’s voice.

“Marlee?” Her mother eased open her daughter’s bedroom door. “I hope you’re up for company. Jeri and Lisa are on their way over.”

“Sure, Mom. C’mon in.” Marlee attempted to sit up in her bed. “Ooh.” She winced.

“Shoulder?”

“Yeah. And my head aches a little.” She lay back down.

Her mother walked to the window and pulled up the shade. “Does that bother you?”

“No, it’s nice.”

The late Saturday afternoon sunlight cheered up the room considerably. Marlee had slept through the morning and into the late afternoon. She was a little disoriented. She opened her eyes wide and blinked a few times in an attempt to wake up.

“How about if I open the window, too? We could use some fresh air.”

Her mother opened the window a few inches and then sat on the edge of the bed. Marlee filled her lungs with the fresh air in an attempt to shake the cobwebs from her head. The fresh air and the prospect of company perked up her spirits.

Her mother pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, a familiar gesture. “I must have been your bad luck charm, yesterday. The first game I come to this year and look what happens.”

Less than twenty-four hours earlier Marlee had been whisked away from Sandstoner Fields in an ambulance and taken to East Valley Hospital. The emergency room doctor diagnosed her with a mild concussion and a mild shoulder sprain. The doctor kept her overnight for observation, to make sure there was no abnormal swelling in her brain, but Marlee was glad she could go home early Saturday morning. The hospital was kind of scary and the whole place smelled like sick people. Thankfully they let her mother stay in the room with her overnight. Although she was sixteen years old, almost seventeen, she needed her mother.

“Mom, I feel fine. The doctor said it’s just a mild concussion.”

“And a shoulder sprain. I’m just glad you only had to stay one night in that nasty hospital, but I’ve got you home now and that’s where you’re staying for a while. Oh, and,” a hint of a smile appeared at the corners of her mouth, “I’m supposed to observe you for signs of weird behavior.”

Marlee smiled, too. “How are you gonna tell, Mom?” They both laughed.

“They didn’t know what they were asking, did they?” She pulled the covers tighter around Marlee.

“Mom, you don’t have to tuck me in.”

“Oh, I know, sweetie. Instinct, I guess. Well, Jeri and Lisa should be here any minute so let me go downstairs and unlock the kitchen door.” Marlee’s mother grabbed her big toe through the blanket and gave it an affectionate squeeze.

“Mom?” Her mother turned around and leaned against the doorjamb. “I don’t think you were bad luck. Maybe I have, like, a guardian angel and he made sure you were there. ’Cause I got hurt.”

“Maybe.” Her mother smiled, but Marlee could see tears well up in her eyes. “Maybe it was Daddy.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

A few minutes after Marlee’s mother went back downstairs, Marlee heard Jeri’s Mustang pull into the gravel driveway. She tried to sit up again, but this time the pain in her head wouldn’t allow it. And with her arm and shoulder tightly bound with a body wrap, she couldn’t get any leverage to sit up.

She ran fingers through her short hair in an attempt to make herself presentable. Using her left hand felt awkward, but she guessed she’d have to get used to doing a lot of things left-handed now that her entire right side was tied down and useless.

Marlee swallowed hard trying to calm her nerves. After all, she and Jeri hadn’t been speaking. They had met in Mrs. Taylor’s algebra class in middle school. Marlee was in seventh grade and Jeri was in eighth grade. They hit if off immediately. And once they discovered their mutual love, more like obsession, for softball, their friendship was sealed. Marlee hoped she could salvage some of that friendship after she revealed her secret. A secret that she had begun to accept for herself.

“Marlee?” Jeri opened the door fully.

“Did we win?”

Jeri and Lisa burst into laughter as they fell over each other trying to get in the door.

“Oh, she’s okay.” Jeri exchanged a look with Lisa. “And we were worried.”

Lisa plopped into the recliner. “Yeah, we won.”

Jeri sat on the edge of the bed. “When Christy got thrown out of the game—”

“Thrown out?” Marlee looked at her friends in disbelief.

“Oh, yeah,” Lisa said. “As soon as the ball hit you, the umpire yelled, ‘You’re out! You’re out of this game!’”

“Oh, my God,” Marlee said. “I heard that. I thought he was calling me out. I was so confused. Then what happened?”

Jeri took up the tale. “Well, Coach put Kerry in to run for you, seeing as you couldn’t do it, slacking off going for a joyride in an ambulance.” Jeri rolled her eyes. “Then East Valley put in their back-up pitcher. I forgot her name.”

Lisa broke in, “Mary something-or-other. But then I was up to bat with Kerry on first base.”

“Yeah, and Lisa hits one to Susie in left field—” Lisa objected to Jeri’s version of the story so Jeri modified it. “Okay. Okay. Lisa hits it in the gap between left and center. But Susie, girl, she didn’t even run hard after it. Kerry practically scored by the time Susie picked up the ball at the fence. And then you know what Susie did?”

“What?”

“When Susie picked up the ball, she lobbed it to second base. Second base! Lisa was running to third. Susie knows better than that. But, anyway, Kerry pitched in the bottom of the ninth and held them off so we won the game one to nothing.”

Marlee smiled at Jeri’s enthusiasm. This was the Jeri she knew. Her heart was split at that moment. Her heart rejoiced that Jeri was back to her old self, but her heart ached over needing to tell Jeri “the truth.” Her heart also ached over Susie’s part in their win.

“Did she do it on purpose?” Marlee wondered out loud.

“Who? Susie or Christy?” Jeri asked with derision.

“Yeah, really,” Marlee agreed. Marlee had meant Susie, but she let Jeri think she meant Christy. “I can’t figure out why Christy would throw at me. What did I ever do to her?”

Lisa pulled at the ends of her long braid. “Easy. She was jealous.”

“Yeah, you were pitching a better game than she was,” Jeri added.

“I guess.” Marlee shrugged, but instantly regretted the movement.

Jeri softened her voice and asked, “So, are you okay? What did the doctor say?”

Marlee told them about the mild concussion and shoulder sprain. “And, and this really sucks, I can’t play ball for at least a week, maybe more.”

Her friends gasped.

“Oh, my God. A week?” Lisa slammed the foot rest back into place and sat bolt upright in the recliner. “How are you gonna stand it? Geez, how am I gonna stand it? We have games on Tuesday and Friday.”

“C’mon, you know she has to get better,” Jeri reprimanded. “She has to get strong to kick some Panther butt in the playoff game in a couple of weeks.”

Lisa groaned. “Yeah, but we have to win all our games between now and then for that to happen. Because you know they aren’t going to suspend Christy All-County-Ace-Pitcher Loveland. And with her, they’ll win the rest of their games.”

Marlee groaned, too, as she realized the gravity of the situation.

Jeri patted Marlee’s good hand. “Don’t worry about it, Marlee. You need to focus on getting better. Kerry is a pretty good pitcher, you know. She’s learned from the best. You.”

Marlee blushed. “Thanks. And yeah, she’s a good kid. It’s hard to be on varsity as a freshman, though.”

Lisa said, “Hey, you and I did it, right? She’ll be all right. I’ll take care of her. Geez, I can’t believe it. An entire week.”

“Or more, if I don’t get better.”

“Trying to depress me, eh?” Lisa sulked. “But listen, before I forget. Sam called me this morning. She seemed so eager and your mom said it was okay. She and Susie are coming by today.”

Marlee smiled when she heard that Susie was coming to see her. She tried to sound nonchalant even though her heart began to do flip-flops. “That’s fine.” And she also couldn’t help wonder why the East Valley second baseman was so eager to come over, too. I guess we’re friends now.

“Ooh, I hear a car.” Lisa jumped up to look out the window. “Ooh, I see Sam. I’ll go down and meet them.” She bounded out of the room and stomped down the stairs.

“What was that all about?” Marlee cocked her head to one side.

“You got me. She’s been weird all morning. So, how is your head?”

“I don’t know. It hurts a little, I guess. You know, I don’t even remember the ambulance ride that well. All I knew is that my head hurt and the driver hit every single bump on the way. I didn’t even realize I had hurt my shoulder until way later.”

Jeri grabbed her friend’s hand. “Marlee, I’m so sorry I got mad at you on the bus yesterday. And then you got hit in the head and just lay there on the ground not moving. Oh, my God.”

“I’m okay. Really. And look, our fight was my fault. I should have talked to you about it sooner. Susie and I are becoming friends, and I didn’t tell you. But you’ll always be my best friend.” She heard Susie and Sam in the kitchen talking with Lisa and her mother. “And I need to tell you something. I need to tell you the truth.” Marlee struggled to sit up.

Jeri helped her sit up, but said, “Shhh, it’ll keep. Don’t worry. Calm down.” A worried laugh escaped. “And besides, they’ll be here in about twenty seconds.”

Marlee closed her eyes for a moment. The struggle to sit up had drained her of energy. She took a deep breath and said, “I promise you. No more secrets. I swear.”

Jeri nodded. “Okay.”

They heard Lisa, Susie and Sam quietly make their way up the stairs.

Lisa opened Marlee’s bedroom door and held it open for Sam and Susie. Sam came in first. She looked at Marlee and stuck out her lower lip in a boo-boo face.

“Hey, P,” Sam said.

Marlee smiled. “Hey, 2. You look nice.”

Sam looked stunning. She wore tight white jeans with a salmon silk shirt tied snugly at her waist and a matching scarf.

“Oh,” Sam stammered and turned crimson. “Uh, thanks. I just threw this together.” She winked at Marlee. Marlee smiled again, not quite understanding the wink. She braced herself to look at Susie and was surprised to find that Susie looked almost as pale as she did.

“So, how’s your head?” Sam asked.

“Okay, I guess. They took a CAT scan of my head but didn’t find anything.” Marlee waited a split-second and then laughed.

It took another second, but the other girls finally picked up on the joke and laughed with her.

“You’re funny.” Sam shook her head. “Didn’t find anything.” She turned to Lisa and said, “She’s funny. You didn’t tell me she was so funny.”

Lisa shrugged, smiled, and reintroduced Sam to Jeri. Jeri stood up and shook her hand. The three of them wandered toward the open window, instinctively seeming to know to let Susie greet Marlee privately. Susie sat on the edge of the bed in the spot that Jeri had just vacated.

Susie smiled shyly and mouthed the word, “Hi.” Her hair hung loose over her shoulders. Marlee liked this softer side of Susie. “How are you, Marlee?” She looked at Marlee tenderly.

Marlee looked at Susie and got warm all over. Susie wore a pair of black jeans, a white tank top that showed every curve, and an unbuttoned forest green shirt, probably her father’s, on top. The dark green in the shirt brought out Susie’s milk chocolate eyes. Marlee melted in the softness conveyed in those eyes. Marlee desperately wanted to grab her hand, but didn’t. She couldn’t. Not with the other girls in the room.

“I’ve had better days, but I’m okay. Can’t play ball for a week, but I can go to school. How’s that for a bad joke?” Marlee laughed, but cut her laugh short when she noticed a one-inch gash under Susie's left eye. Susie had tried to hide it with makeup. “What happened to you?” Marlee reached toward Susie’s face, but Susie pulled away just out of reach.

“I know.” Susie touched the cut on her cheek. “We sure look a pair, don’t we?”

Marlee pursed her lips together and glanced at her three friends on the far side of the room. She sensed that she and Susie had a modicum of privacy so she looked directly at Susie and said softly, “You didn’t answer my question.” She reached for Susie’s hand and held it in both of her own.

Susie lowered her voice so the others wouldn’t hear. “Me? I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”

Lisa said, a little too loudly, “Listen, we’re gonna wait downstairs.”

Marlee quickly let go of Susie’s hand as they approached.

Lisa said, “Hope you’re feeling better, Marlee.” She looked toward Sam and Jeri and nodded them toward the door. “Let’s go outside, eh?” Both Sam and Jeri nodded.

“Bye, Marlee,” Sam said. “Feel better.”

Jeri added, “Yeah, feel better. Call me later if you’re up to it. I’ll be home tonight and at the restaurant tomorrow.”

“Okay, I will. Thanks.”

Marlee listened to her friends clomp their way down the back stairs. And her mother thought she was noisy on those stairs. She heard Lisa ask Sam, “So, do you like bowling?” Marlee and Susie smiled.

Ah, they were finally alone. Marlee sighed when she saw Susie smile. Marlee watched different emotions swirl behind Susie’s eyes, but she couldn’t read any of them. She just wanted Susie to kiss her, even if it hurt her shoulder or her head. But something in Susie’s demeanor was off. Marlee verbalized what must have been on both their minds. “Some great weekend for us, wasn’t it?”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I guess.”

“Christy got tossed from the game, you know.”

“I heard. Jeri thinks Christy beaned me on purpose.” It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t an accusation. It was a simple statement, a baited fishhook.

“Marlee. Let’s not talk about—”

It must have been the concussion talking, because Marlee snapped, “No, you never want to talk about her. Why is that?”

Susie recoiled as if burned and sprang to her feet. She fled to the window and kept her back to Marlee. Marlee’s room was so quiet she could hear the rustle of the curtains blowing in the window. She could also hear Lisa and Sam talking excitedly about something in the driveway, though she couldn’t quite make out the words. She looked at Susie’s back. Susie kept her head down as if interested in the braided rug on Marlee’s bedroom floor.

“Susie? What’s going on?”

Susie’s shoulders sagged noticeably at Marlee’s question. The only thing Marlee could do was watch helplessly from her bed as Susie covered her face with both hands.

“Susie?” Marlee struggled to get up.

Susie turned. “Marlee, no! Stay in bed.” Susie’s eyes were moist and red-rimmed. She was obviously crying. She moved toward Marlee, but stopped short and sat on the edge of the recliner. She looked at the floor.

“What, Susie? You’re scaring me.”

“Marlee,” Susie started. “I...”

Susie looked up but didn’t look at Marlee. She locked her gaze on Marlee’s batting trophy across the room. She got up and pulled it off the shelf. “Marlee,” she said again. “I’m really sorry.” She put the trophy back and stood facing the bookshelf. “Marlee, this is all my fault.” Her voice cracked. She noticeably struggled to keep herself under control.

“Susie, what are you talking about?” Marlee tried to get up again, but found she didn’t have the strength. She shut her eyes for a moment so the world would stop spinning and pleaded, “Susie, come here.” She patted the bed.

Obviously struggling with emotion, Susie turned to face Marlee. “She just gets angry sometimes. This,” Susie touched the gash under her eye, “was an accident. She doesn’t know how strong she is, but she shouldn’t take it out on you, too.”

Even though she already knew the answer, she wanted to hear Susie say it. “Who? Who gets mad, Susie?”

Silence.

“Susie, who gets mad?”

“Christy.”

“Why? Why does Christy get mad? What aren’t you telling me?”

“She found out about us, Marlee. I...she...”

The growing knot in Marlee’s throat made speaking difficult. She waited for Susie to finish her statement.

“Marlee, I can’t see you anymore.”

Marlee couldn’t believe what she had just heard. “What? What do you mean? Are you going out with her? Is she your girlfriend? Your other girlfriend?”

Susie looked stunned. “My girlfriend? No! No, she’s not my girlfriend. I wouldn’t do something like that to you. Please believe me about that. She’s straight, anyway. She’s just...I have to...look, it’s complicated, okay? I’m just afraid she might do something.” She looked at Marlee and blinked back her tears. “And if I just stay away from you, then you and Christy will both be safe.” Susie put a hand over her mouth and inhaled with a sob. “Marlee, you know I love you,” she choked, “but I have to go.” She stumbled for the door.

“Susie! I don’t understand.” Marlee’s head throbbed.

Susie stopped at the sound of her name and looked back at Marlee. “Aay, Dios mio, mi amor, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but it’s better this way. Believe me.” She flew out the door and bounded down the stairs, leaving Marlee to stare helplessly after her in pain and confusion.

Chapter Twelve

The Open Door

HAVING HER HEART ripped to shreds made it hard for Marlee to get through the weekend. Her heart ached more than her head and shoulder combined. She tried to do homework, but that was nearly impossible. Her physical handicap hadn’t helped, either. Writing with her left hand was as foreign to her as having her heart broken, but she had to deal with both.

She cursed her infirmity. She hadn’t been able to get up and stop Susie from leaving Saturday. But even if she had, she doubted she could have changed the outcome, anyway. She cried herself to sleep after Susie left and basically slept through the rest of the weekend. Her few meager attempts at homework and an unfruitful phone call to Jeri on Sunday were the only exceptions.

On Monday morning, Marlee’s mother pulled the minivan up to the front doors of the high school. Marlee usually took the bus to school in the morning, but she and her mother decided that Marlee should arrive at school after the first period of the day had already started. That way Marlee wouldn’t get jostled around too much right at the start. Of course, changing classes would be challenging from then on out, but Marlee assured her mother she could manage.

Getting ready for school had been exhausting. Her mother had to help her get dressed. But the truth was that Marlee couldn’t stand being cooped up in her room anymore, especially because Susie filled her every waking moment. And Susie even invaded her dreams when she slept. Marlee replayed over and over the first time she had seen Susie run out to left field and how her heart had threatened to leap out of her chest, it had been beating so hard. But then she also replayed over and over Susie saying, “Marlee, I can’t see you anymore.” Marlee needed to take on the chaos of school to help distract her from Susie for a while.

“Marlee,” her mother said from the driver’s seat, “are you sure you don’t want to stay home today? I can turn right around and take you home.”

“Mom, I’m okay. I need to try. I’ll call you if I want to go home.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah.” Marlee leaned over and hugged her mother with her good arm. “I’ll see you after practice.”

Marlee’s mother looked alarmed. “You’re not—”

“No, Mom. I’m just gonna watch. I can hardly move my arm anyway.” She winced when she attempted to show her mother the lack of movement.

“Just be careful, honey.”

Marlee got out of the van and slung her backpack over her left shoulder, her good shoulder. She waved goodbye and headed to the main office for a late pass. She knew her mother wouldn’t drive away until Marlee was safely inside the building. She took a deep breath and opened the school door. Once inside she waved at her mother through the mesh prison glass windowpane. Her mother waved back and then slowly drove away.

Marlee sighed and turned toward the main office. She couldn’t help the sudden flood of feelings. She tried not to remember how nervous she had been that first time pitching to Susie and how crazed she’d gotten when she realized she was attracted to her and then blurted out how she felt. But for some reason that is o-v-e-r! Marlee clenched her fists and tried to refocus her energy on school.

She made it through the first two periods of the day fairly well. Everybody in the school heard about the accident and wanted her to retell the story. Accident my butt, she thought. There was nothing accidental about it. Right, Christy? And of course, thinking about Christy made her think about Susie again. The memories were stronger than she was. Images of Susie passed through her mental movie projector. Susie leaning in close to whisper in her ear after that first softball game. Susie pulling her behind the shed. Susie holding her hand on the beach. Susie pulling her close in the stand of birch trees. Susie whispering, “I really like you.” But why think about Susie? There was no sense in it anymore. Marlee forced the projector off and walked to her third-period calculus class.

“Hey, Marlee.” Jeri caught up with her in the doorway of Mrs. Stratton’s classroom. “Girl, I can’t believe you’re in school today.”

“Yeah, well, me neither.” She sighed and let Jeri take her backpack from her. “I’m getting kinda tired already.”

“You want me to take you home? Say the word and we’re gone.”

“Nah, I’ll hang in there. Besides I want to go to practice today.” Marlee slid into her usual seat in front of Jeri.

Jeri plopped into her own seat and cried, “You’re not—”

“Chill out, Jeri, of course not. And besides, how can I practice? I’m just gonna hang out. I don’t want to miss anything.”

“Phew, I thought maybe there was some real brain damage.”

“Oh, cut it out.” Marlee attempted to get her notebook out of her backpack one-handed, but the spiral kept getting stuck on the zipper.

Jeri leaped out of her seat and helped her. “Hey Marlee, listen. I’m sorry I couldn’t talk on the phone yesterday. The restaurant was packed. We’ll talk later. You know, when you’re more up to it.” Jeri added a sympathetic smile.

Marlee smiled back at her friend. On Sunday, in a brief moment of clarity, Marlee had called Jeri ready to confide in her about the mess she was in, but Jeri couldn’t talk because the restaurant was crowded. Marlee was relieved, sort of, because she could put off the unpleasantness for another day and she had been asleep when Jeri called back. She turned toward the front of the classroom when Mrs. Stratton called for order.

Marlee tried to concentrate on the mathematics, but the automatic movie projector turned itself on again and her mind shot back to Lake Birch. Susie kissing her neck and working her way up to her earlobe. Susie biting her finger. Marlee sighed. Almost too audibly. She realized where she was and checked herself.

Marlee took a deep breath and focused on her teacher. Mrs. Stratton was passing back their latest test. Marlee was not looking forward to getting this one back. She had been so preoccupied with Susie that she hadn’t studied for it. Not really.

“Jeri.” Mrs. Stratton sent Jeri’s test down their row. Marlee reached for it from the boy in front of her and snuck a peak at Jeri’s grade. 93% with a “Great job, Jeri” written in Mrs. Stratton’s nice handwriting.

“Marlee.” Mrs. Stratton said without emotion. When the test reached her Marlee could barely bring herself to turn it over. She prayed for something to go right in her life since everything else had turned sour the last couple of days. Unbelievably, her mental movie projector turned itself on again. She saw Susie in her room saying, “Look, it’s complicated.” Susie saying, “If I just stay away from you, then you and Christy will both be safe.” And, the one that seemed to make everything hurt all at once, Susie saying, “You know I love you.”

Her head hurt. Her shoulder hurt. And most of all her heart hurt. She turned her test over in an attempt to clear Susie from her mind. The front page of her test was covered with red pen. Mrs. Stratton had written on the top “58% F. See me after class.”

Marlee couldn’t get enough oxygen. If she didn’t get out of that classroom immediately, she’d make a fool out of herself in front of everyone. She flew out of her seat, startling Jeri, and hurried toward the classroom door. A sob escaped before she reached it.

She ran toward the closest girls’ room. Her sobs echoed off the walls of the blessedly empty bathroom. She knew she had to get a grip on herself before somebody walked in. She hid in one of the stalls and rocked herself against the closed door. She wanted to bang her head against the door, but decided against it. One concussion in a lifetime was enough.

She stifled her sobs when she heard the door to the girls’ bathroom open. She took several quick deep breaths in an attempt to get herself under control.

“Marlee?” Jeri’s voice echoed off the tile. “Are you okay? Mrs. Stratton sent me after you.”

Marlee managed to catch her breath and choked back the most recent flood of tears. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “I’m okay.”

At Jeri’s urging she came out of the stall but made a beeline for the sink. With her free hand she splashed cool water from the tap onto her face and with water dripping off her chin turned to face Jeri. “You must think I’m a raving lunatic.”

Jeri handed her a paper towel from the wall dispenser. “You’re kidding, right? I thought you were a raving lunatic way before you hit your head.”

Marlee knew Jeri was trying to get her to laugh, but she couldn’t find the energy. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw her red-rimmed eyes, her blotchy face. Tears started rolling down her cheeks again.

“Marlee, what can I do? Want me to drive you home?”

Marlee wanted to say yes, knowing she couldn’t return to her math class in her present state. She wanted to forget about this day altogether, but she shook her head no. She regretted the physical movement because it caused her head to ache. She knew where she had to go.

“Take me to Coach’s office.”

“Okay. A plan. Cool.” Jeri grabbed Marlee by her good arm and led her down the hall as if she were blind. “I’ll tell Mrs. Stratton I took you to the nurse.” She pointed toward Marlee’s head. “Banged your head and all.”

They walked to the gym in silence, and when they got to their coach’s office the lights were off, but the door had been propped open as if one of the coaches would be returning any second.

“Coach isn’t here.” Jeri flicked on the lights.

Marlee shielded her eyes and asked Jeri to leave the lights off.

“Okay, but should I stay with you?”

“No. I’m all right.”

“I’ll get your backpack and, uh, I guess I’ll just put it in your locker, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Jeri patted Marlee’s good shoulder and left.

Marlee grabbed a tissue from her coach’s desk. She sat in the same chair she had used after her breakup with Bobby and smiled at the coincidence. She looked up when she heard someone step into the office.

“Marlee, you startled me. I didn’t expect to see anybody in here.” Coach Spears walked into the Girls’ Physical Education office holding a cup of coffee. She left the lights off perhaps instinctively knowing Marlee wanted them off. “How are you? When I spoke with your mother yesterday she said you were determined to come to school today.”

Marlee couldn’t answer. Fresh tears leaked out of her already swollen eyes.

“Open door policy?”

Marlee nodded.

Her coach went back and closed the door to the office. “Okay. What’s up, kiddo?” She sat down next to her pitcher.

Marlee knew her coach was waiting for her to say something so she swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

While she exhaled, Coach Spears said, “You know I’ve said this before. You can say anything you want in here. I won’t judge you.” She put the cup of coffee on the edge of her desk. “I’m here to help, so whatever it is, tell me. You’re obviously upset.”

Marlee thought she had finally gotten enough of the lump out of her throat to speak, but her voice cracked. “Coach, I...” It was all she could get out.

“What’s wrong Marlee? You’re breaking my heart.” She handed her pitcher another tissue and said, “We seem to be doing this a lot lately.”

They both laughed, and Marlee rolled her eyes.

“Go on, Marlee, you’re doing great.”

The dam burst and the words poured out in a long continuous stream. Marlee confessed everything. She told her coach about her fledgling relationship with Susie and how amazing Susie made her feel. How she couldn’t get Susie off her mind. How Susie had called her beautiful. She more than half expected her coach to cringe in disgust and throw her out of the office, but she had to take that risk. She had no one else to talk to, and besides, she had to let it out before she exploded. She forced herself to go numb while she waited for her coach’s reaction.

“Marlee,” her coach said. “She sounds wonderful. remember her. Pretty good hitter, too.”

“Yeah. Grand slam, remember?” Marlee couldn’t believe she wasn’t being shown the office door.

“I do remember.” Her coach nodded knowingly.

Marlee was stunned to be talking to her coach like that. She asked tentatively, “Coach, do you understand me and Susie? You know, our relationship?”

When her coach hesitated, Marlee added barely above a whisper, “Am I some kind of freak? I mean, I like, love, another girl.”

Coach Spears didn’t hesitate this time. “No, no, Marlee. No, you are not a freak. You’re a normal teenage girl. You’re just...discovering yourself. That’s all. And I do understand your relationship with Susie. There are a lot of people like you in this world, in this town, and even in this school.”

An uncomfortable silence grew between them and Marlee wasn’t sure what to do. Her coach stood up and reached in a drawer on the other side of her desk. “I want to show you something.” She pulled out a 4” x 6” picture in a frame and handed it to Marlee.

Marlee focused on the two women in the sailboat. One of the women was her coach, but with brown, not gray, hair. And the other woman in the photo looked familiar. “Oh, I saw you with her that night at the East Valley game. Who is she?” Before her coach could reply, realization hit her like a Christy Loveland fastball.

Coach Spears cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “Uh, well, her name is Anne, and she is my life companion. She and I have been, um, a couple for more than fifteen years. We own a house together and have two cats and a dog.”

Marlee didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t every day that your softball coach told you she was gay. And it wasn’t every day you said the same thing. She managed to ask, “She’s your girlfriend?”

“Yes.” Her coach nodded and placed the photo on her desk facing them. “Marlee, the reason I told you this is so you’ll know that you’re not a freak and that you’re not alone. Okay?”

Marlee nodded. She stared at the tissue box on her coach’s desk and blurted, “Coach, Christy threw those pitches at me on purpose.”

Her coach’s expression turned more serious, if that was even possible. “Really? Do tell.”

“Well, Christy’s got some kind of hold over Susie. I can’t figure out what it is, but Susie said that we’d all be better off if she broke up with me. She said that if she stayed away from me that me and Christy would be safe.”

Her coach raised an eyebrow. “You and Christy? What do you think she meant by that?”

“I don’t know, but Susie broke up with me on Saturday. The day I got back from the hospital with my concussion.” Marlee’s voice rose as she vented her anger for the first time. “Nice timing, right? But Susie had a cut under her eye. Coach, I think Christy hit her.”

Her coach looked at her, alarmed. “Marlee, these are some serious accusations. Do you think Christy threw those pitches at you as some kind of warning? Some kind of retribution?”

“I guess. Like a warning to stay away from Susie or something. Susie said that when Christy found out about us she got mad. Real mad.” She gestured at her sling and head.

Her coach looked perplexed. “Are they together? A couple?”

“Well, according to Susie, they’re not. Christy’s straight.”

“Straight, hmm?” Marlee detected a sliver of doubt in her coach’s voice.

Marlee still could not believe she was having this conversation with her coach. She said, “Yeah well, if Christy’s straight then I don’t get it. Why would Christy even care about me and Susie? I mean Susie said it was complicated, but why would Christy want to hurt me? What did I ever do to her? I’m so confused and...my head hurts.” She looked down at her hands.

“Marlee, we have to take this threat seriously. Maybe Christy got jealous of your relationship with her friend. Jealousy, even in friendships, can get ugly. Maybe Christy was used to having Susie all to herself, and then you came along and threatened that.”

“You think so?”

“Perhaps. And you’re both pitchers, too. That could be another factor. Maybe she’s threatened by how well you’re pitching this year.”

“Maybe. That’s what Jeri and Lisa said.”

“Well, Marlee, we have no way of knowing for certain, but I think I need to put in a call to Coach Gellar over at East Valley and see if she can shed any light on this.”

Marlee looked up with alarm. “Coach, I don’t want to get anybody in trouble.”

“I understand that, Marlee, but we have to act on the safe side.” Her coach shook her head. “What I don’t understand is why Susie said that Christy would be safe, too.”

“I don’t know, Coach. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Her coach looked at her watch and stood up. “Well, I think the bell’s about to ring to end third period and I have a class. I suspect you do, too. I’ll put in a call to East Valley later, but all I want you to do is concentrate on getting better. And, hey, you haven’t cried in what, over two whole minutes?”

“Coach!” Marlee exclaimed at her coach’s attempt at humor.

“Oh, and by the way, Marlee,” Coach Spears looked at Marlee, “you do realize that the world is not as enlightened as you or I would like. Keep my secret and I’ll keep yours. It’s best that we let people know in our own way.”

Marlee walked toward the office door. “Okay. I totally get that. And thanks, Coach. I’m glad I came to you. I....” She was once again at a loss for words. “Well, just thanks, I guess. Oh,” she pointed to the photograph on her coach’s desk, “you should put that away so nobody sees it.”

Coach Spears picked up the photo and winked at Marlee. “Actually, I think I’ll keep this on my desk, in the open, from now on.”

Chapter Thirteen

The Truth

MARLEE KNEW SHE should have called her mother to pick her up after school, but she wasn’t about to miss softball practice because of a little headache. She didn’t think her headache was only due to the concussion, either. Thoughts of Susie, her coach’s confession, and, oh, yeah, her shoulder wrapped up tightly in a sling as she tried to navigate classes, all contributed to her woozy feeling. Of course, Marlee had conflicting feelings about the news Coach Spears had entrusted her with that morning. She felt honored that Coach Spears told her that secret, but she also felt frustrated because she couldn’t share the news with anybody. Just like she hadn’t told anybody about her short-lived romance with Susie. So many secrets. No, her pulsing headache had little, if anything, to do with her concussion. But her headache and her exhaustion were not going to keep her from softball practice. She hadn’t celebrated beating the East Valley Panthers with her teammates yet.

Marlee took a deep breath of the fresh spring air and soaked in the warm sun on her face. She was grateful for a reprieve from the seemingly never-ending cold of the North Country. It was the middle of May, but she kept her Cougar softball sweatshirt on since she wouldn’t be as active as her teammates. The right sleeve dangled lifelessly by her side.

She caught up with Jeri and Lisa as they finished their last warmup laps. Jeri wore a short-sleeved t-shirt. Her winter-white arms almost blinded Marlee. When she said as much to Jeri, she received a playful smack on her good arm for the effort. Lisa wore a more practical three-quarter-sleeve softball shirt with Cougar royal blue sleeves.

One of their teammates jogged by and said, “Good to see you up and around, Marlee.”

“Thanks, Johnna.”

“Yeah,” Jeri kidded. “It’s good to see you moving, instead of taking a nap at home plate.”

Marlee rolled her eyes at her friend.

Lisa laughed. “You know how lazy pitchers are, Jeri. But, thank God, we have the two easiest teams in the league this week.”

Jeri nodded. “Northwood tomorrow. Ugh. I hate their field. The grass is never cut in the outfield. Oh, kind of like ours. And Friday, we go to Racquette. I like their field, though. They have nice grass and a real fence.”

Marlee added, “Yeah, Racquette is nice. Do you think Coach’ll let me go with you guys on the bus?”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Jeri grabbed her glove. “Hey listen, I’ll see you two later. I gotta warm up with the outfielders.”

Marlee attempted to help Lisa carry her catcher’s gear to the warmup area. Lisa protested but finally gave in and let Marlee carry her batting glove.

“Glad I could help.” Marlee let the batting glove dangle between her thumb and index finger.

Lisa attempted to keep a straight face, but failed. She said, “Don’t strain yourself, eh?”

“Fine. Make me feel useless.”

“Not a chance. You’re helping me with Kerry today. She’s got to be ready to pitch an entire game against Racquette tomorrow and you’ve gotta help. She’s going to be late, though. Make-up test or something, so Coach asked me to rake the warmup area while I wait. This is your job, you know.”

“Oh, a lot of help I would be at the moment.”

Lisa put down her catcher’s gear and got the rake from the utility shed. “Hey, Marlee?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know how to ask this, but geez, I’ll just ask. What happened between you and Susie on Saturday? I know, I know. I keep sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but I want to help.”

She felt the blood drain from her face. What could she know? “Um, what do you mean?”

“Marlee,” Lisa said. “C’mon. I see everything. It’s my job to see everything you do. I know you have a thing for her.”

“I do? I mean, you do?”

“Marlee, c’mon. Susie looked devastated on Saturday when they left. Did you break up with her or something?”

Marlee wanted desperately to sit down, because her insides starting shaking, and not in a good way. Since there was no where to sit, all she could do was stare at Lisa wide-eyed. And if Lisa knows, who else knows?

Lisa looked away and started raking. She kept her eyes focused on the dirt. Marlee got the feeling Lisa was trying to give her enough space to come up with some sort of answer, but she just didn’t know what to say.

Lisa broke the awkward silence and confided, “Look, if this will make it easier, me and Sam are seeing each other, too. We hooked up Sunday. We went bowling. She’s amazing. She’s so pretty. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

Marlee was sure her face had reached new heights in crimson. She asked quietly even though no one was within earshot, “How did you know about me?”

Lisa smiled. “Now, don’t freak out on me, but I’ve known about you for a while. I just didn’t know how to get you to tell me. But, how did I figure it out? Well, for one thing, when we went out to Christy’s that time, you and Susie disappeared. When you guys finally came back in, geez, Marlee, you were like, I don’t know, glowing or something.”

Marlee put a hand over her mouth. She let Lisa continue.

“I knew something was up for sure then. And, remember that Saturday game against Southbridge when Susie came to watch? Geez, you were so unfocused, and then I watched you watching her, that’s when I really knew.”

Marlee closed her eyes in disbelief. “Was I that obvious?”

“No, but don’t forget, it’s my job to watch your every movement, so I couldn’t help but see. And, well, it takes one to know one, eh?” She flashed a smile.

“I didn’t know about you, Lisa. Heck, I didn’t know about myself until a few of weeks ago. And I think this might not be a passing phase, either.”

Lisa put the rake back in the shed. “Yeah, well, I’ve known about myself since seventh grade.”

“Seventh grade? Oh, my God. How old were you?”

“Geez, I don’t know. Around twelve, I guess.”

“You were twelve and you knew? Does Jeri know?”

“No. No. You’re the first one I’ve told. Nobody knows, well except a friend at camp and Sam.” Lisa made air quotes around the word friend. “And now you.”

“Seventh grade. Wow. Did you have a...” she leaned in and whispered, “girlfriend? I mean, before Sam?”

“Well, I was seeing somebody at camp last summer. My camp friend.” More air quotes. “She was the first girl I ever kissed. She’s from Long Island, but she sent me a ‘Dear Jane’ letter last month and broke up with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I didn’t, well, let’s just say it wasn’t going to last. She just beat me to it. And now I have Sam and, oh, my God, it’s gonna be great, Marlee.” Lisa whispered, “She’s such a great kisser.”

“Ahh, I don’t want to hear about it.” Marlee covered her ears but smiled.

Lisa smiled back.

“Well, truth be told, Susie’s a good kisser, too.”

“Must be something in the water in East Valley, eh? But you still haven’t answered my question. Sam said Susie wouldn’t even talk to her on Saturday. Susie just cried and pounded the steering wheel all the way back home.”

“Well, that’s interesting, because Susie was the one who broke up with me, not the other way around. Seems like Christy didn’t want us to be together.”

“What?” Lisa shouted. She lowered her voice. “Christy? You’ve got to be kidding. Why does Christy have a say in you guys being together?” Before Marlee could respond, Lisa continued. “Is Christy family?”

“Family?”

“Family. It’s like code for gay. Is she gay? Because my gaydar did not go off at Christy.”

“Gaydar?” Even though Marlee’s head ached from information overload, she was glad she had decided to go to school. She was learning all kinds of new and fascinating things.

“Oh, you have so much to learn.” Lisa grabbed Marlee’s good arm. “So, is she?”

“Is she family? According to Susie, no. No, she’s not family.”

“I didn’t think so. But, c’mon. Tell me the story. How’d you guys, you know, meet?”

Marlee relayed the short version of her very short history with Susie and found she was too stunned by her unexpected conversation with Lisa to be very emotional.

Marlee saw Kerry walking toward the field. She whispered, “Lisa, I wasn’t expecting her to break up with me. It was kinda out of the blue.”

Kerry had almost reached them when Lisa quipped, “Actually, Marlee, it was out of left field. You know what I mean?” She nudged Marlee with her elbow and somehow Marlee found the strength to laugh.

Marlee watched her teammates practice, unsure about her new role as spectator. Exhaustion washed over her so she closed her eyes to regroup and drink in the mild spring day. The backdrop of birds chirping and flitting about in the nearby pines was quickly overtaken by the sounds of her teammates playing the game she loved. With her eyes closed she focused on Coach Spears giving instruction to someone at bat. Marlee was glad the world had slowed down a little.

She opened her eyes again and watched Kerry pitch batting practice to some of the infielders. Marlee had helped Kerry with her drop ball and change-up. Lisa said Kerry’s change-up was getting as sneaky as Marlee’s. They collectively decided to tackle Kerry’s rise ball at Wednesday’s practice. Kerry was the only freshman on the varsity team and was already an excellent pitcher. On some varsity teams, like Northwood, Kerry probably would have been the starting pitcher. But on the Clarksonville team, Kerry played back-up to Marlee. Marlee gained a new perspective that afternoon on Kerry’s understudy role. Marlee would have hated playing second fiddle to another pitcher, especially since she had always been the starting pitcher for the Clarksonville varsity ever since freshman year. But Marlee realized that her Clarksonville Cougars would be in excellent hands, literally, with Kerry in the pitcher’s circle.

Marlee looked at her coach and teammates from a different perspective. Her sudden acceptance of herself, bolstered by the acceptance from her coach and from Lisa forced her to see things with new eyes. I never realized how hard my teammates work, how much Coach is also a teacher. Marlee knew she had never seen these things because she usually had her head wrapped around her own concerns. She rarely stopped to look at what was going on around her. With newfound admiration for her coach and teammates, Marlee watched the practice wind down.

No one would let her help put equipment away after the practice so she looked for her coach. She found her in the outfield picking up a stray softball. Marlee strolled toward her in center field.

“Hey, Coach,” she called. “The playoff game’s in two weeks?”

“Yes, in two weeks, the Tuesday after Memorial Day, but that’s contingent on our win-loss record and theirs. If we’re tied at the end of the regular season then we’ll need the playoff game to decide the North Country League title and who goes on to the state tournament.”

“I think Kerry’s got some good stuff. She’ll be great tomorrow since I’m no good to us.”

Her coach picked up the errant softball and turned to face Marlee. “Marlee, you can never think that you’re ‘no good’ to us. I saw you with Kerry. You don’t know how much she looks up to you. And the rest of this team?” Her hand swept across the field indicating her teammates. “They worship you.”

“Me?” Marlee’s eyes grew wide in disbelief.

Coach Spears smiled at her. “Yes, Marlee, you. Why do you think I made you a captain? Your presence motivates them. You’re one of those quiet leaders. You lead by example. You see what needs to be done and you do it. Like today, for instance, you didn’t have to come to practice. You have a concussion for goodness sakes, but you’re here. That speaks volumes to them.” She added, “And to me.”

“Coach, I don’t know what to say.” For the umpteenth time that day she could feel herself blushing furiously.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to realize that you’re not ‘no good’ to us. And, besides, I can’t have you getting depressed about sitting out for a week or two.”

“One week,” Marlee corrected. “No way I can sit out two. And I am going to be ready for that playoff game, but I have to ask you a question. What am I gonna do if, I mean when, I have to pitch to her?”

“Her?” Her coach looked confused, but then Marlee saw realization flood her face. “Oh, you mean Susie.”

Marlee nodded.

“First things first, Marlee. You have to get yourself well before we even think about you pitching again. But if we’re thinking positively, I imagine you’d treat her just like any other batter. You probably pitched to her a dozen times when you didn’t know who she was, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true. I hadn’t thought about that.”

“You know she’s a good hitter and you’ll pitch to her accordingly. Think of her as a Northwood batter or something.

And I don’t want to be the one to remind you, but if we have that playoff game you’ll have to hit against the other one,” her coach teased. “That’s going to be your tougher battle, I suspect.”

Marlee nodded and sighed. Her coach gave her a wink and headed toward the school. Marlee caught up to her friends as they headed back to the locker room.

Jeri smiled at her. “Marlee, we gotta get our books from the locker room. Here are the car keys. We’ll be out in a minute.”

Marlee heard Lisa say to Jeri, “Drop me off first, okay?”

LISA BROWN’S FAMILY, which included her parents, two younger sisters and one younger brother, lived in a planned neighborhood on the southern edge of the village of Clarksonville. Some called them cookie-cutter houses and the Browns’ house did indeed look like every other house in the neighborhood with the exception of the house number and small variations in landscaping. Lisa’s family, for instance, had flower gardens everywhere. Marlee especially liked the lilacs framing the front door which made Lisa’s house look cozy and welcoming.

Lisa opened the front door to her house, but turned back to wave. Marlee and Jeri waved back and laughed as Lisa’s threeyear-old sister clamped onto Lisa’s leg and begged for a ride. Lisa obliged and lifted the toddler stiff-legged into the house.

“She’s such a good big sister,” Marlee said.

“I know. That was sweet.” Jeri backed the car out of Lisa’s driveway and pulled onto the street. “You must be exhausted, Marlee.”

“You don’t even know. I’m going to go to bed right after dinner.” Marlee closed her eyes and rubbed them wearily.

“This is a nice neighborhood,” Jeri said. “Nice yards.”

Marlee realized Jeri was making small talk. It was time. Time to make a weird day even weirder. It was time to “tell Jeri the truth” and it was now or never. Both Coach Spears and Lisa had reacted well to her news so she hoped she would be three for three when she told Jeri that her best friend was gay. Gay. The word scared Marlee to death. The whole concept was mind-boggling.

“Jeri,” Marlee said, “I’m just gonna come out with it.” She looked at her friend who was fixated on the road. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Jeri glanced at Marlee and then looked back to the road.

Marlee took what she hoped was a calming breath and said, “Susie and I...” Oh, my God, this is going to be harder than I thought. “Um, Susie and I were going out, I mean we hooked up, you know, we were seeing each other.” Oh, my God, I’m not saying this right.

“Oh,” Jeri said quietly.

The friends rode in silence for a minute or two, but Marlee couldn’t stand the silence any longer. She looked at her friend, “Jeri?”

“Hold on, I’m still working this out.” She shook her head slowly. “Girl, I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you. I mean, I didn’t even know about myself until...” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

“That explains all the secrecy.”

“I know. We kept it a secret. No one knew.” The words tumbled out. “I just fell head over heels in love with her. I’ve never felt anything like this. What I had with Bobby didn’t even come close.”

“When did you guys...I mean, how did you...? How do I say this? When did you guys hook up? When we went out to East Valley?”

“Yeah. Well not the first time. That’s when she gave me her phone number, but you wouldn’t remember a thing about that night, would you?”

Jeri didn’t respond to the dig, but instead said, “Remember that Saturday game when Susie showed up and then drove you home?” She looked at her friend. “I was so jealous. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I’ve been clueless. Why didn’t I see it? It’s so obvious, now. Why didn’t you tell me, dork?”

“I don’t know, Jeri. I wasn’t sure how you would take it. And it’s still new to me, too. Do you hate me?”

“We’ve been friends, what, like forever, you nimrod. Of course I don’t hate you. I’m just kind of surprised, that’s all. I guess I’ll have to get used to this...new side of you.” Jeri gave Marlee a reassuring smile. “It’s okay that I’m still straight, right? Let’s get that little fact in the open, all righty?”

Marlee giggled, probably from nerves. “Jeri! I know you’re straight, but you don’t mind having a gay friend do you?”

Jeri looked her friend in the eye. “Nah. It’ll take some getting used to, but I can deal.”

The two friends smiled at each other, glad they had been able to reclaim their friendship. Jeri pulled the Mustang up the long McAllister driveway.

Jeri flashed a grin. “Hey, now we won’t be in competition for the same guy. Cool.”

“Leave it to you to find something good in all this. My mom’s not home yet. Do you want to come in for a while?” Marlee struggled to get her car door open. She couldn’t quite reach the door handle with her left hand.

“Yeah, sure.” Jeri jumped out and opened it for her. She offered a hand to help Marlee out. Marlee hugged her with one arm.

“Uh, Marlee? I’m straight, remember?”

“Oh, shut up.” Marlee let go. “It’s nice to have you back, Jeri. C’mon, you can cook me spaghetti while I tell you all about how Susie broke up with me on Saturday.”

“Wait! What?” Jeri shouted incredulously. “So that’s why you were so weird today? Girl, this is nuts!” Her mouth dropped open in disbelief.

“C’mon, you’re catching flies.” Marlee led her best friend into the house.

Chapter Fourteen

Choices

JERI PICKED UP her bowling ball and said to Sam, “I can’t believe we’re hanging out with you. You’re the enemy.”

Sam discreetly took Lisa’s hand and said, “Oh, just try to stop me from coming to Clarksonville.”

Lisa smiled at Sam and then stuck her tongue out at Jeri.

“Oh, real mature, Brown.” Jeri stepped up to throw her second ball down the alley.

Marlee joined in. “You know, 2, when we play you guys for the league title Tuesday we’d better not find out you revealed any of our secrets to your team. If we do, well, we’ll just have to kill you.”

“Phht,” Sam said. “Listen, P, I don’t know about the rest of my team, but you’ll probably strike me out every time I get up to bat, even with your bad shoulder, so I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.”

Lisa chimed in. “And this time I am not giving you the signs. Last time I was flirting. This time it’s war.”

Sam smiled at Lisa as if no one else existed in the bowling alley. It wasn’t hard to see how smitten they were with each other. Sitting down, Lisa still had a height advantage over Sam, but Sam didn’t seem to care. And with the way they looked at each other, Marlee didn’t notice it much, either.

Marlee could tell it was difficult, but Sam tore her eyes away from Lisa and looked at Marlee. “How is your pitching shoulder anyway?”

Jeri skipped back toward her friends having just picked up a spare. She caught Sam’s question and said, “See? See? I told you she was a spy.”

Marlee rolled her eyes. “My shoulder,” she said nudging Jeri with it, “is still a little sore, but I’m feeling good. Coach had me pitch three innings against Mohawk on Tuesday and five against Southbridge on Thursday.”

“Yeah, and she struck me out at batting practice yesterday,” Jeri said with a frown.

Lisa looked sheepish. “And, I don’t know how she did it, but she struck me out yesterday, too. Twice.”

Jeri clapped Lisa on the back in solidarity. She said to Sam, “So go ahead and take that back to your team. Tell them Marlee McAllister is back!”

“Oh, I will,” Sam said. “And I have to tell you honestly that a few of us at East Valley were rooting for you to get the First-Team All-County pitching award. I can’t believe you only got Second-Team. I’m really sorry, Marlee.”

“Thanks, Sam.” Marlee meant it. “I guess Christy earned it again this year. And besides, I did miss a couple of games.”

Jeri jumped in. “Yeah, because of her. If she hadn’t given you a freaking concussion! Anyway, girl, you are so much better. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Marlee gets Second-Team, while she gets First-Team? That’s so messed up.”

“But Lisa,” Marlee put her arm around her catcher, “got First-Team All-County in batting.”

“Well deserved. And she’s only a sophomore. Still a baby,” Jeri said.

Sam beamed at Lisa. Lisa smiled back at Sam but addressed her comment to the group. “Thanks, guys. And don’t forget, Marlee got a batting title, too. Second-Team All-County.”

“Yeah, a jack-of-all-trades and master of none,” Marlee mumbled.

“Hardly,” Sam said. “Don’t sell yourself short. And I know somebody else who was rooting for you to get that All-County nod.” She stood up to take her turn in the lane. “And if you treat me nice, I’ll start talking.” She turned her back to her new friends and proceeded to throw a gutter ball.

Marlee called, “Hey, 2, you’re better at ping-pong than bowling. Let me throw your next one. They,” she nodded her head toward Jeri and Lisa, “won’t let me play my own game.”

“Sure.” She retrieved the ball. “Hey, P,” she said quietly.

Marlee took the ball and placed her fingers in the holes. “Yeah?”

“She asked me to give you something.”

“She who?” But Marlee knew.

“You know who. It’s in the trunk of my car.”

“Yeah?”

“P,” Sam grabbed her arm and said low, “she wanted me to tell you that she made a mistake.”

“About what?”

“Marlee, c’mon. Susie said she made a mistake about breaking up with you.”

Jeri shouted, “Hey, are you two gonna bowl or what?”

“Shut up, Jeri,” Marlee yelled back. She said to Sam, “Hold that thought, 2.” She lined up her feet in the lane and took her usual three steps toward the pins. She expected her shoulder to protest but was pleasantly surprised when it did not. She released the ball right down the center of the lane. The pins flew in every direction. Not a single one was left standing.

“Strike three, yer out,” Lisa yelled. Marlee’s friends clapped and jumped around cheering.

“Okay,” Sam took a seat at the scorer’s table. “No, Lisa, stay for this. You, too, Jeri. You have to hear this.”

Marlee took a seat between Jeri and Lisa. All eyes were on Sam.

“Okay, I just broke the news to P here that Susie told me she shouldn’t have broken up with Marlee.”

Jeri smiled. “Well that didn’t last long, did it?” She patted Marlee on the back.

Sam continued, “You know, I like Christy.”

Lisa shot her a look.

“No, not that way. Eeeeeeww,” Sam amended. “No, I thought she was a friend, but she’s just been so mean to Susie that she’s made all our lives miserable, you know? They’re supposed to be best friends, right? But Christy walks all over her. It’s been so hard to watch. Hard to watch Christy dish it, but harder still to watch Susie take it, you know?”

Marlee started trembling inside. The loud bowling alley was beginning to grate on her nerves. Part of her didn’t want to hear anymore, but another part did. She looked up at Sam, who seemed to be waiting for the okay from Marlee to continue. She nodded for Sam to go on with her story.

Sam continued. “I’ll give you a for-instance. On Thursday, practice was over and everybody was gone except Susie and Christy. I was hanging around because Susie was my ride home. Christy told me, not Susie, mind you, but Christy told me, to wait in Susie’s car and the two of them went into the deserted dugout. Okay, so I go wait in the car, but I can still kind of see them through the holes in the cinder blocks. And I could hear just about everything. So as I’m sitting there trying to mind my own business, I see Christy push Susie, real hard, up against the wall. Christy starts yelling stuff like, ‘You told. You told that girlfriend of yours, didn’t you?’”

Marlee was confused. She had no idea what Susie had supposedly told her.

Sam continued. “And then Christy poked Susie in the shoulder a couple of times. Now, I’ve seen Christy mad, but this was different. Christy was furious. Susie’s strong, you know, but Christy? She’s an ox.”

All three nodded in unison, but remained quiet so Sam could continue.

“Christy grabbed Susie’s wrists and pressed so hard she left bruise marks. I saw them later. Christy hissed stuff like, ‘Why did you tell her? You weren’t supposed to tell anyone. Ever. You promised me.’ and then she let go of one of Susie’s wrists and slapped her right across the face. Susie did nothing. Nothing.”

Marlee was close to tears. Why didn’t Susie fight back? She fell back against the hard plastic chair, feeling dizzy.

“Marlee,” Jeri asked with concern, “are you okay?”

Marlee struggled to get up. “I think I need some air.”

“C’mon,” Lisa said. “I’ll go pay. Let’s get out of here.”

Once outside in the cool evening air, Marlee revived a bit. The dim lights from the bowling alley gave just enough light so they could pick their way to the far end of the parking lot where Jeri and Sam had parked their cars. They reached the Mustang and Jeri jumped up on the hood and lit a cigarette. Lisa also jumped up on the hood and Sam leaned against the car nestled between Lisa’s knees. Marlee leaned against the hood upwind of Jeri’s smoke.

Lisa looked at Marlee. “So what did Susie tell you?”

Marlee shook her head. “Nothing. Honest. I have no idea what Christy was talking about. Susie didn’t like to talk about Christy.”

Sam said, “Yeah. That’s true. She hardly ever talks to me about Christy. I mean me and Susie are friends and all, but Susie and Christy? I don’t know. It’s something else totally. They are practically inseparable. Well, they were until Marlee came along.”

Jeri took a drag from her cigarette and asked, “So what happened next? Did Susie beat the crap out of her?”

“Far from it,” Sam continued the tale. “Susie just stood there and took it for a few more minutes, but then she said, ‘I didn’t tell Marlee. I didn’t tell anyone. I never even told my parents.’ And then Susie said something that set Christy off. She said, ‘But I probably should have told your parents.’ Christy went ballistic. She started kicking the wall and then she punched the cinder blocks with her pitching hand. She didn’t break her hand, but she bruised it pretty good. I’m just relieved she didn’t try to slap Susie again, because I would have jumped out of that car and gotten in the middle of it, for sure. Not that I even know what Christy was mad about, you know? After a while Christy just sat on the bench and I think she was crying. I couldn’t hear what they said, but, man, I don’t know why Susie put up with that crap from her. I mean, c’mon, Susie is so nice. She wouldn’t look me in the eye when she got in the car.”

Jeri shook her head. “I can’t believe I hung out with Christy. The girl’s got some anger issues, doesn’t she?”

Marlee was enraged. She had no idea what Susie was mixed up in. And she was quite confused about her supposed part in it. Mostly, though, she was sickened that Christy would hit the girl she once loved. Still loved?

Marlee must have been broadcasting her emotions because Lisa reached over and put an arm around her. “You okay, Marlee? She can stop.”

“No, I think I’d better hear the rest. If there’s more, that is.”

“Oh, there’s more,” Sam said and continued her story. “I don’t know what else has been going on between the two of them. All I can tell you is what I’ve seen and heard myself, you know? But Susie seemed to come to her senses last night when the team went to Christy’s house like we usually do on Fridays. Christy pretty much ignored Susie the whole time. Everybody started getting real uncomfortable, you know? I mean, the team hung around for a while playing ping-pong and stuff, but then people started leaving. That’s when Christy started barking orders at Susie to get her a beer and clean the kitchen. Christy drank too much that night, but what else is new? Christy called Susie her Puerto Rican servant, in front of everybody.”

Marlee’s blood was boiling. She clenched and unclenched her fists. She wanted to punch somebody. I have some anger issues of my own right now. She said the words slowly, “So, what did Susie do?”

“Yeah, what?” Jeri and Lisa chimed together completely into Sam’s story.

Sam continued, “Well, we, or at least I, didn’t think Susie had it in her, but Susie let loose and started yelling back at Christy. She called her a spiteful bitch. Believe me, the rest of us ran out of that house so fast you would have thought we were trying to steal second base on Lisa Brown.”

Lisa beamed.

“Of course, a few of us, ahem, hung out in the driveway listening.”

“Of course,” Jeri said with a grin. “Go on.”

“Oh, you guys must think I’m just a gossip queen.”

“We don’t care.” Jeri urged her to keep going.

“Okay, but understand that I don’t usually eavesdrop on people. It’s just that, well, I wanted to help Susie and P somehow. All right, well, Susie just kept saying something like ‘Christy, you need to get help. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be here for you all the time. I have to live my own life, too.’ And then she told Christy that she should tell her parents. Tell her parents what, I have no idea.”

Jeri rubbed her chin. “Maybe about her drinking?”

Sam hesitated for a moment. “Maybe, but I don’t think so. This seemed bigger, somehow.”

Lisa asked, “Is she pregnant?”

“Christy?” Sam sounded shocked. “I doubt it. She’s never even gone out with a guy, as far as I know. I mean, I even thought she was one of us for a while. Well, not you, Jeri, but you know, family. But she’s definitely not family. No, I don’t think she’s pregnant. Well, anyway, Susie confronted her about throwing those pitches at you, P. Keep in mind that none of us was ever going to confront Christy about that. Believe me, you don’t want to feel the wrath of Christy Loveland. You know that firsthand, don’t you, P? But Susie’s voice kept getting louder and louder. And, Christy, who is a champion at yelling in her own right, was quiet. We thought it was the calm before the storm or something. And then when Susie stopped shouting the silence was scary. When they did start talking again I heard your name, P, a couple of times. And then I almost died when Susie told Christy to get her act together.”

Lisa said, “Geez, I can’t believe she told off Christy Loveland like that. And this was last night?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We bailed like a bunch of cockroaches in the bathroom light when we heard things start breaking inside the house. Beer bottles, I think. I don’t know how she did it, but Susie stayed with her until her parents came home. And they were in California.”

Jeri said half seriously, “Sounds like Christy’s got some issues. Hello! Therapy!”

“Ain’t my job. Thank God,” Sam responded. “But P, Susie came over to my house this afternoon. She knows I’m seeing Lisa.” Sam’s eyes softened when she looked at Lisa. “And she knew I was coming out here tonight. She gave me something for you.”

Sam went to her car and popped the trunk. She pulled out an expensive-looking teddy bear. It had a leather nose and leather padded feet. Susie had attached a card to the bear with curling ribbon.

Sam handed the bear to Marlee. “She told me to give you this cutie and that she’d wait for your answer at our game on Tuesday when she can see you in person.”

Jeri, gleeful, said, “C’mon Marlee, let me take you home. You need privacy, but then you have to call me as soon as you read the card.”

Jeri and Marlee said their goodbyes to Lisa and Sam and then Jeri ushered Marlee into the Mustang to whisk her home.

“MARLEE, IS THAT you?” Marlee’s mother called from the living room.

“Yeah, Mom. We called it an early night.” She stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room where her mother was watching television.

“Oh, how cute. Who gave you the bear?”

“Oh, uh, Susie.”

“Get well present?”

Good one, Mom. “Yeah, something like that. I’m going upstairs.”

“Okay, take Patches with you. My lap is now officially closed, little girl.” Her mother nudged the cat off her lap.

Patches ran toward Marlee, chirped, and pranced up the stairs toward Marlee’s room.

Her mother said, “I think she’s been worried about you. Get a good night’s sleep, honey.”

“’Night, Mom.”

Marlee climbed the stairs slowly. The butterflies in her stomach multiplied with every step. When she finally made it to her room, she flung the bear carelessly on the bed. She hung her sweatshirt up carefully.

“Hey, Patches.” Marlee stroked the cat’s head. “Let’s see what Susie has to say, okay?” She yanked the card off the bear, but left the bear face down on the bed. She plopped into the recliner and put it into the full recline position. Patches jumped up on Marlee’s lap and circled.

“C’mon, girl, find a spot. There’s some crazy stuff going on in East Valley and I’m not sure I want to be part of it.” She coaxed Patches into a prone position. “That was easy, right girl? Let’s see if this is.”

Marlee took a deep breath and willed her stomach to stop doing somersaults. The envelope was blank. She pulled out the card. The front of the card showed a tearful teddy bear and read, “I’m Sorry” in ornate script.

Marlee wasn’t sure what she should feel at that moment. Part of her wanted to leap for joy and call Susie right away. Another part of her remembered Sam’s story. They were practically inseparable until I came along. How could Susie ever think that Marlee would forgive her for dumping her like that? And for some weird friendship with Christy?

She opened the card anyway. What would it hurt? The card inside was blank, but Susie had written a letter on several sheets of loose-leaf paper. Marlee smiled in spite of herself when she recognized Susie’s handwriting. Without reading it, she put the pages down and said to Patches, “Are you ready?” When Patches didn’t answer, Marlee said, “Clearly, you’re not as invested in this as I am, little kitty.”

Marlee took another deep breath and opened the folded pages of Susie’s letter.

Marlee (mi vida),

I hope I haven’t blown it with you. I’m so sorry about what I did to you exactly two weeks ago. This is my feeble attempt to explain myself. I owe you that much. Before I do, please know that I truly do love you. I know we haven’t really known each other for very long, but you’ve touched my heart in a way that no one has ever done before. I think about you all the time and I kick myself every day for hurting you and for letting Christy hurt you. Somehow, you just got caught up in the middle of things. The look on your face when I said I couldn’t see you anymore broke my heart and I’ve been miserable without you.

Marlee’s chest tightened. She felt a lump forming in her throat. “Patches, she’s miserable. Hooray. She’s as miserable as I am.” She took a deep breath and read on.

You know I don’t like to talk about Christy, but this time I have to. You see, Christy flies into rages when she’s angry. I’ve always been the only one of all our friends who could calm her down. But lately, as you know, her rages have hurt people, literally. You. Me. Marlee, the reason I broke up with you was because I didn’t think I could control her anymore. I figured if I just kept giving her all of my attention, like I always had, then she would calm down and not want to hurt you. She can’t handle me not being there for her. She can’t handle the thought of me spending time with someone else. And, like I said before, she and I are not going out. It’s not like that. It’s different.

You see, I kind of feel responsible for her. Well, responsible isn’t exactly the right word, I guess, but I always felt like I was the only one who could help her. Probably because I was the one who found her. I’m the only one who knows. Nobody else was home (as usual). When I got to her house, I went upstairs thinking she was in her room. She wasn’t. I found her in the bathroom. There was a lot of blood. Thank God she hadn’t cut too far through her wrist with the razor blade. Honestly, I don’t think she had the nerve to do it all the way. I bandaged her up and I wanted to take her to the hospital, but I only had my bike. She begged me not to call anybody. I didn’t. That was my first mistake. The bleeding finally slowed down on its own. I was so scared. I was fourteen. She was fifteen.

She made me swear to never tell anyone. Ever. And I haven’t. Until right now as I write you this letter. She also made me swear that I would stay with her forever and be her family since she had none. Her older sister, Lauren, practically raised her and then when Lauren left for college Christy ended up spending most of her time alone in that big house. I guess she kind of lost it.

You know how her parents are, they’re never home. Shoot, they go away on three to four week vacations and don’t take her with them.

But then, Marlee, you came along and I found that I didn’t want to spend all my time with Christy, keeping her safe, taking her rage. Marlee, I’m telling you all of this because she’s going to get help now. It seems that your coach called Coach Gellar and Christy is going to counseling for her anger. I don’t think anyone knows about her suicide attempt. Not yet, anyway. Her parents cut their trip to California short to come home. I stayed with Christy until they got home early this morning. It was funny. They thanked me for being a good friend to Christy, but I’m not so sure I was. I should have told someone back then instead of trying to fix it all by myself. Marlee, I don’t know what you said to your coach to make her call but I think you and your coach saved Christy’s life. She was spinning out of control.

You were brave. I was a coward. I broke up with you because I couldn’t handle a face-off with Christy. So, Marlee if it’s not too late and I haven’t scared you off, would you give me a second chance?

Marlee reached for the bear she had unceremoniously dumped at the bottom of her bed. She hugged the bear to her chest. “Patches, I’m getting nervous. I think she’s gonna leave it all up to me.” She swallowed around the lump in her throat. Marlee braced herself and read the rest of the letter.

Chapter Fifteen

The Verdict

SOMEHOW, AND MARLEE wasn’t sure how, Clarksonville had drawn home field advantage for the North Country League championship game against East Valley. The winner of the game would be crowned League champion and represent the North Country in the New York State playoffs. Marlee, Jeri, and Lisa sat on the Clarksonville team bench getting ready for the game.

Jeri retied her cleats, leaned over Lisa, and said to Marlee, “Coach’s speech was short, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, really,” Marlee agreed. In her best Coach Spears’ imitation she quoted, “You’ve worked hard all year, ladies, and now it’s time to show East Valley that you are the better team. This is the one game you’ve worked for all season. I’m sure our seniors would appreciate a trophy and a shot at States. It’s time to put up or shut up, ladies.” Marlee winked at her friends.

Lisa laughed. “Good Coach Spears, Marlee. Nice wink. Now, let’s go over your strategy for the game. When you’re pitching, what do you do?”

Marlee spoke in a monotone voice and repeated the memorized discourse. “I look at you and only you. I do not look at any batters, especially certain batters, and I definitely do not look at the other team’s bench. I only throw those pitches you call for because Lisa is the catching goddess of the universe.”

“Good. Very good. What do you think, Jeri?” Lisa asked.

“With you leading her around by the nose, she’ll be just fine.”

“Hey,” Marlee protested. “I can think for myself, you know.”

“We know,” Lisa and Jeri squealed together.

“That’s been your problem,” Jeri teased.

Lisa continued, “Now, what is your strategy when you’re up at bat?”

Marlee sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to pull this one off, but,” she switched back to her monotone, “I’m hitting against that Northwood pitcher, the one who serves up better meatballs than D’Amico’s restaurant.”

Jeri feigned outrage at the slight. “You insult my family! I’m willing to let it go under the circumstances, but only if you tell us about Susie’s note again. She wants you to give her a sign?”

Lisa leaned forward, eyes wide. “What kind of sign?”

“She said that if I took off my hat today and nodded my head yes that’ll mean I’ll give her another chance. Otherwise, if I don’t give her the sign, she’ll just stay in East Valley and leave me alone.”

“What are you gonna do?” Jeri and Lisa said breathlessly. They leaned in closer, anxiously awaiting Marlee’s answer.

“Oh, c’mon, you guys. Honestly, I really don’t know.” It was the truth. She didn’t know. Susie’s rejection had shaken her so much that she didn’t know if she could ever trust her again. And she hadn’t made a decision yet. Her heart and her head were still battling it out.

Jeri kicked the dirt with her cleat and said, “Fine. Don’t tell us. But I think...nah, it’s your decision.” She stood up. “Gotta throw. See ya.”

Marlee smiled. She thought she knew how her friends felt, but she wasn’t there yet. And right then she had to put her energy into the game. She would imagine the Northwood team getting off the bus, not the East Valley team. Since she didn’t know any of the Northwood players there would be no reason to look at them. None at all.

Her heart lurched when she saw the big luxury bus from East Valley pull into the parking lot. They were early.

“Breathe, Marlee, breathe,” Lisa said. “It’s just the Northwood bus.”

Marlee smiled in gratitude at her catcher.

Lisa added, “Uh, nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?”

Marlee laughed. “Yeah, it’s a top-ten spring day.” She was grateful for the warm weather, with hardly any wind to bother a pitcher, but couldn’t help remembering that this was the kind of day she had envisioned for the first time her team played Susie’s team.

She deliberately ignored the flow of East Valley players as she ran through her warmup pitches with Lisa. Marlee mentally thanked the field designers for forcing her to face away from the East Valley team’s bench as she warmed up. She fought hard to ignore Susie, but knew she’d have to look at her sooner or later. Susie had to bat, after all.

An overwhelming number of Clarksonville and East Valley fans filled up the bleachers. She even thought she saw a newspaper reporter. Today’s a big day. I’ve got so much more to worry about than my love life. Marlee, with all her might, commanded her stomach to remain calm. She forced a smile and waved to her mother in the stands. For some reason no captains’ circle was called. Marlee thought Coach Spears had something to do with that decision.

“Home team, take the field,” the umpire yelled.

Marlee threw her five warmup pitches. Her shoulder felt good. Strong. Now if she could only get her nerves under control.

“You’ve got a no-hitter going, Marlee. Perfect game. Keep it up!” Lisa called to Marlee. This was their private joke because every pitcher had a no-hitter/perfect game before a game started.

The umpire called for the first East Valley batter. Marlee tried hard to imagine Northwood batters instead of East Valley batters, but the red and black East Valley uniforms made her self-deception difficult. She knew that if any one of these first three batters got on base she would have to pitch to Susie. One line in Susie’s card came unbidden. Please know that I truly do love you. But then, just as quickly, Marlee remembered Susie saying, “I can’t see you anymore.” Marlee inhaled deeply and exhaled forcefully. She looked at Lisa for the sign to start the North Country League championship game.

Marlee struck out the first batter of the inning. The next two batters, including Sam, grounded out. So much for Sam’s theory that Marlee would strike her out every time. Marlee was relieved that she did not have to pitch to Susie that inning. Out of the corner of her eye, she had seen Susie in the on-deck circle warming up. Marlee’s willpower was waning, but she held on and didn’t look.

Jeri, Clarksonville’s lead-off hitter, was up and Marlee took a quick breather on the team bench. The pull to look into left field was strong, very strong, but Marlee did not look. Not looking at Susie was one thing, but not thinking about her was another. Marlee couldn’t stop the memories bursting through the dam. She remembered the first time Susie kissed her behind the shed. Her face flushed at the thought. But then she remembered what Sam had said about Christy and Susie. “They were practically inseparable until you came along.” Were you thinking about Christy when you were with me? She groaned out loud and forced herself to focus on the game.

She looked at Christy and anger boiled in her gut. Christy had hit Susie. More than once. And, oh yeah, Christy had taken Marlee out the last time their two teams met. Marlee took a deep breath and turned the heat down on her anger. Now was not the time. She focused on Jeri instead. Jeri always had trouble hitting against Christy, but Marlee kept her fingers crossed that the tide would turn in her favor. It did. Jeri blooped a single just over the first baseman’s head.

“There goes her no-hitter,” Lisa and Marlee yelled out to Jeri simultaneously. Marlee breathed easier.

Julie, their number two batter, was up next. Jeri stole second base on the first pitch. On the pitch after that, Julie popped out to left field. Marlee did not watch the ball as it traveled. The Northwood left fielder is out there, she thought, nobody I know.

“Good girl,” Lisa said.

Marlee usually hit in the number three spot, but Coach Spears said she wanted to change things up a bit and moved Marlee to the number five batting spot. The Cougars’ current number three hitter smacked a single to center field. Coach Spears could have waved Jeri in to score, but decided to play it safe and stopped her at third base. The Clarksonville Cougar fans roared their displeasure at Coach Spears’ decision.

Christy must have been rattled because she walked Lisa in four pitches. Marlee thought the walk was intentional, but either way, Marlee was up with the bases loaded. She couldn’t believe that the first time she had to face Christy Loveland after the “accident” would be with the bases loaded. She adjusted her helmet and hoped she wouldn’t need its protection. A granite pebble settled in the pit of her stomach, but she took a deep breath and stepped up to the plate. She tried to look strong and confident. It’s the Northwood pitcher, she reminded herself, just the Northwood pitcher. She concentrated on the Northwood pitcher’s release point.

Marlee squeezed the bat tight. She had already decided that she wasn’t going to swing at the first pitch. She wanted at least one pitch to steady her nerves. This was, after all, the pitcher that had sent her to the hospital. Marlee watched the first pitch land in the dirt.

“Ball one!” the umpire barked.

Marlee was proud of herself. She hadn’t even flinched. She held her hand up for time. She stepped one foot out of the batter’s box and took a deep breath. She pulled her foot back in and readied herself for the next pitch. She was ready to swing this time, but the pitch was so far outside, the catcher had to dive for it. “Ball two,” the umpire said.

“Ducks, batter, ducks. You’ve got ducks on the pond. Hit us in, #3. Hit us in,” Jeri yelled to Marlee from third base.

The East Valley coach called time out and went to the pitcher’s circle for a conference with Christy. Marlee could hear Christy whine to her coach that she was concentrating and that she was trying to throw strikes. Marlee grinned and met Coach Spears halfway up the third base line for their own conference.

“Marlee, she’s way behind in the count,” Coach Spears advised. “A walk is a run, but you know what I’ve always told you. If she throws you a sweet one, you’ve got the green light.” Coach Spears winked and patted Marlee on the helmet. “Oh, sorry. Broke my own rule.”

“Batter?” The umpire requested Marlee’s presence in the batter’s box.

Marlee dug in her heels and waited for the next pitch. A big fat meatball practically floated down the middle of the plate. Marlee felt like she was in slow motion. She swung hard and when the ball hit the sweet spot on her bat, she knew at least one run, probably two would score. She didn’t realize how well she’d hit the ball until it sailed over the left field snow fence. She had just hit a homerun with the bases loaded, a grand slam—her first ever. She slowed down to a homerun trot and punched a fist into the air. She saw Susie staring at the ball on the other side of the fence.

Her teammates mobbed her when she crossed the plate. Lisa grabbed her in a bear hug, forcing her teammates to hug both of them. Once she extracted herself from the mob, Coach Spears came over, reached out to shake her hand, thought better of it, and wrapped her in a hug.

Marlee found Jeri in the melee and asked her, “Hey, Jeri. ‘Ducks on the pond?’ I never understood what that meant.”

“Me either,” she said and laughed. “It worked though, didn’t it?” They laughed about it until they had to take the field again. After one full inning, the Clarksonville Cougars led by a score of 4-0.

“See this catcher’s mitt,” Lisa said as she walked Marlee to the circle for the top of the second inning. “I want you to think about why it’s called a mitt and yours is called a glove. That is all you will focus on. You will not look at batters. Understood?” Susie was obviously due up next.

“Yes, dear,” Marlee answered subserviently.

Marlee knew that Susie was waiting for some kind of sign, some kind of sign about their future together, but Marlee’s heart and head were still battling it out and Marlee couldn’t bring herself to take off her hat.

Susie stepped into the batter’s box. Marlee struggled to stay focused on Lisa’s catcher’s mitt, because she knew that if she shifted her vision to the right slightly she would be looking right at Susie. Instead, she tried to read the brand name printed on Lisa’s mitt, but couldn’t quite make it out.

Lisa wanted a fastball, low and inside. Marlee threw it. Susie swung and missed. The second fastball exploded into Lisa’s mitt for strike two. Normally, Lisa would call for a change-up, but this time she asked for the rise ball.

Marlee shook her head at Lisa as if to say, “She’ll expect that. I struck her out on that pitch last game.”

Lisa shook her head and flashed the sign for rise ball again as if to say, “Yeah, but she won’t be able to hit it even if she is expecting it. Just throw it and stop arguing with me.”

Susie swung so far under the rise ball that it surprised Marlee. It must have surprised Lisa as well since she almost dropped the ball, but hung on for the out. She sprinted out to the mound, gave Marlee the ball and said, “See? That wasn’t so hard. Now stop arguing with me while I’m trying to catch!”

The next two East Valley batters didn’t fare any better than Susie had. The East Valley Panthers had still not scored after two innings.

Luck ran for the Cougars in the bottom half of the inning because they did not get any runners on base and consequently didn’t score. At the end of the second inning the score remained 4-0 in the Cougars’ favor.

Marlee jogged out to the pitcher’s circle for the top of the third inning. Since she had gotten Susie’s at-bat out of the way in the last inning, she could concentrate on simply pitching and playing softball. The first Panther batter popped up to Lisa in foul territory making the first out. The second batter popped up to Jeri in shallow center field for the second out. Marlee struck out the third batter, but needed eight pitches to do so. Marlee hoped she wasn’t getting tired. Three outs for the Panthers and the Cougars were up in the bottom of the third inning.

Marlee got up to bat that inning and smashed a double up the left field line to score Lisa, who Christy had once again walked. Christy, it seemed to Marlee, didn’t feel like letting Lisa, an All-County batter, get any hits.

“Nice hit, P,” Sam said from her second base position.

“Thanks, 2. Feeling good today.”

“I can see that.” Sam scurried off to her position, ponytail bouncing back and forth.

The third inning ended with a score of 5-0 in the Cougars’ favor. The fourth and fifth innings proved to be unproductive for both teams and the score did not change. Both pitchers, it seemed, had found their respective groove.

Lisa escorted Marlee to the pitcher’s circle at the top of the sixth inning. She said, “I am so proud of you. You pitched great against Susie last inning. I can’t believe you’ve struck her out twice now. And you, uh, haven’t taken off your hat yet.”

“I still don’t know if I’m gonna take off my hat, Lisa. I can’t figure out what I should do. But aren’t we supposed to be concentrating on softball? Like the fact that your mitt is called a mitt because it has no finger slots, like a mitten. And my glove has finger slots, like, uh, a glove. And, hey, this is my circle. Take your big fat mitten and get out of here.” She banished Lisa toward home plate.

“I’m going. I’m going,” Lisa jogged back waving her mitt over her head.

The bottom of the East Valley order was due up and Marlee figured she could strike out at least two of the batters. Lisa mixed things up a bit and called for a variety of pitches including the new screwball they had been working on. And Marlee did better than strike out two East Valley batters, she struck out all three to end the top of the sixth inning.

Marlee, adrenaline pumping, ran to her team bench after the third strikeout, but found that no one would make eye contact with her. She asked Jeri what was going on. Jeri didn’t answer but simply pointed toward the on-deck circle and stated coolly, “I believe you’re on deck.”

Confused, Marlee grabbed her batting helmet and bat. She took a couple of practice swings and wondered what was going on. Could they be mad at me for not taking off my hat for Susie? With a start she felt the blood rise to her face. Does the whole team know? She felt light-headed. With her head so much into the game, she hadn’t been able to make a rational decision about Susie.

Lisa took her practice swings in the on-deck circle to get ready to lead off the inning.

Marlee joined her in the circle and whispered, “Does the whole team know about me? Me and Susie?”

“What are you talking about?” Lisa asked.

“Batter?” the umpire called for Lisa.

Marlee said hurriedly, “No one’s looking at me or even talking to me.”

“Geez, Marlee, you are so slow. And I shouldn’t even say it, but you sound paranoid. You have a perfect game going, dorkhead. And you know as well as I do it’s a jinx to talk to a pitcher who’s on her way to a perfect game.” Lisa marched toward the plate. “Yeah, it’s brain damage all right,” she said to no one in particular.

Marlee sighed in relief, for about three seconds. That’s when Lisa’s words penetrated. A perfect game? Oh, my God. I have one inning to go. Marlee felt her insides tremble. She looked over at her mother in the stands and felt momentary comfort. She wished her father could have been there, though. A new lump rose in her throat to replace the old one. Does Susie know? Marlee snuck a peek to left field. Susie smiled at her expectantly. Marlee looked away quickly. She had been so wrapped up with the game and with Susie and with Christy that she hadn’t realized that not a single East Valley batter had made it on base.

Lisa walked again. Marlee got up to bat and smacked the first pitch just out of Sam’s reach for a basehit. Marlee watched Sam say something to Lisa on second base. Lisa smiled, but quickly squelched it as if trying to keep her head in the game. From first base Marlee wagged her finger at Lisa who in turn stuck her tongue out at Marlee. Unfortunately for the Cougars, the next two batters fell victim to Christy Loveland pitching and struck out while the last Cougar batter of the inning popped up to Sam at second base. The sixth inning was over and the Cougars still held the lead by a score of 5-0.

The Cougars took the field at the top of the seventh, and potentially last, inning. Marlee had two things on her mind, getting the next three batters out to get her perfect game and making a decision about Susie. She took several deep breaths in a valiant attempt to keep from hyperventilating.

“Just you and me, Marlee,” Lisa reminded.

The first batter hit a sharp grounder to Marlee. She forced herself to slowly and carefully throw the ball to Julie, the first baseman. One out.

“Nice,” Lisa called from behind the plate. “One pitch, one out. Just you and me, one more time.”

This time it took three pitches. The East Valley batter swung and missed the first two pitches, but didn’t even bother swinging at the third. Strike three. Two outs.

Sam stepped up to the plate for the East Valley team.

Lisa called, “One more, #3. Just you and me.”

Marlee realized that it must be just as hard for Lisa to ignore Sam as it was for her to ignore Susie. Marlee had been doing a fairly good job ignoring Susie all day, but decided to risk a quick peek at Susie in the on-deck circle. Marlee’s heart leaped when she saw how ashen Susie looked. She remembered the card. I’ve been miserable without you. Marlee took a deep breath and wrapped her fingers tightly around the ball. You’re miserable because you dumped me. Whose fault is that? Marlee adjusted her grip when Lisa requested a fastball. She put both hands together for the pitch but then did something that even surprised her. She stepped back off the pitching rubber.

Sam stepped out of the batter’s box and the umpire shouted, “Time.” Lisa looked bewildered and stood up from behind the plate.

Marlee’s mind and heart had finally worked out an agreement over Susie. She hoped she could live with the decision. She took a deep cleansing breath and felt ready to finish this perfect game thing.

“Okay, Marlee.” Lisa squatted behind the plate. “Just you and me.”

Marlee shocked everyone, including herself, when she pitched Sam to a full count. If she threw a ball on the next pitch, Sam would walk and Marlee’s perfect game would be lost. If she threw a meatball for a strike and Sam got a basehit, the perfect game would also be lost.

Marlee focused on Lisa. Lisa wanted a straight fastball right down the middle of the plate. A meatball. As the pitch left her hand she thought, at least I’m not going to walk her. Sam swung and made contact, good contact. At the sound of the ball striking the bat, Marlee’s heart sank to her toes. She just knew it would fall in for a basehit. As if to confirm her suspicions, she heard a collective groan from the Clarksonville fans. Time stood still while she watched the ball sail toward the gap in right-center field. It was going to fall in between Jeri and the Cougar right fielder.

Marlee watched Sam round first base and head toward second while Jeri sprinted toward the ball. Jeri’s never gonna make it. Everyone, Cougars and Panthers alike, gasped when Jeri D’Amico took a running leap into the air with her glove extended.

“She caught it. She caught it!” someone yelled.

Jeri lay face down in the grass holding her glove and the ball high in the air so the umpire could see it.

“Yes, she did. She got it. The batter is out!” the umpire yelled with hearty enthusiasm. “That’s the game.”

Marlee threw her glove high in the air. She had her perfect game. The Clarksonville Cougars had their championship. Lisa ran up and wrapped Marlee in another bear hug. The infielders joined the celebration in the pitcher’s circle, and then collectively stormed Jeri in the outfield.

As the revelry continued, Marlee turned to find Susie sitting on the visitors’ bench alone. Her Panther teammates, including Sam, packed up their stuff around her. Susie just sat on the bench watching the Clarksonville team celebrate. But, Marlee quickly realized, Susie wasn’t watching the team. Susie was watching her. Marlee melted inside, but stayed strong. She hoped she had made the right decision.

“Got something for you.” Marlee jumped when Jeri appeared at her side.

Marlee tore her gaze away from Susie. “You scared me.” She looked down to see Jeri holding her glove open with the game-winning ball displayed. Marlee turned and smiled at her friend who was grinning from ear-to-ear. Marlee took the ball and said, “You are awesome, Jeri.”

“No, you are awesome, Marlee.”

“No, you.”

“No—”

“Shut up, both of you,” Lisa said sidling up to Marlee. “You’re both awesome. But, Marlee, you still have that decision to make, don’t you?” She looked over in Susie’s direction.

“Yeah,” Jeri chimed in, “that decision, Marlee.”

The smile drained away from Marlee’s face. She looked from one friend to the other and said quietly, “No, I made my decision.”

“Oh, okay.” Lisa shrugged, clearly disappointed, and turned away.

“I decided to do this.” Marlee yanked off her hat and nodded her head rapidly like her Mr. Met bobble head.

Susie leaped to her feet. Lisa and Jeri cheered their approval.

When Marlee had seen how dejected Susie looked in the ondeck circle, she finally realized that she, too, had been positively miserable. Susie had rejected her, that much was true, but Susie had also made her feel things she had never felt before. Marlee knew that her world had been infinitely brighter with Susie in it. She smiled, pleased with her decision, and waved at Susie.

Susie waved back and smiled with a look of utter relief on her face. She put a hand over her heart and mouthed the words, “Thank you.” Susie stepped back and stumbled against the bench. She sat down hard. Susie’s head went down as if she were praying quietly.

Marlee sprinted over and sat down next to Susie hip to hip, thigh to thigh. Marlee’s heart lurched when she saw Susie’s red-rimmed eyes. She wrapped Susie in a quick hug and didn’t care who saw them.

Susie looked up at Marlee, tears falling down her cheeks, and said, “Dios. I was such a jerk to let you go. I prayed and prayed you would give me a second chance. Marlee, I never should have left you.”

“You really hurt me.”

“Aay, mi vida. I know. Believe me, I know. I’m sorry. I was so confused. Did you read my letter?”

Marlee nodded.

“Then I hope you understand that I was trying to do the right thing.” Susie rested her head on Marlee’s shoulder. “And when I finally realized, as slow as I am, that I really loved you I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone get in the way.” She picked her head up, a look of hope in her eyes. “I love you, Marlee.”

Marlee whispered back, “I love you, too.” She took Susie’s hand. “Why don’t we just start over, okay?”

Susie nodded and squeezed Marlee’s hand.

THE END

About the Author

Barbara L. Clanton is a native New Yorker who left those "New York minutes" for the slower-paced palm-tree-filled life in Orlando, Florida. She currently teaches mathematics at a college preparatory school in the Orlando area. When she's not teaching, playing softball, tiling her floors, or evicting possums from the engine block of her RV, "Dr. Barb" plays bass guitar in a local band called The Flounders with her partner who plays the drums. Her ultimate dream is to one day snowbird between upstate New York and central Florida.

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Table of Contents

Out of Left Field: Marlee's Story

Copyright © 2008 by Barbara L. Clanton

Acknowledgments

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

About the Author

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