Standard Disclaimer - These characters, most of them, belong to Universal, and Renaissance Pictures, and whoever else has a stake in Xena: Warrior Princess. This is written just in fun, and no copyright infringement was intended.

Specific Story Disclaimers:

Violence –Oh yes.. there is violence. This is a combination story, and includes both Uber Xena sections, and Regular Xena sections. Regardless of time period, or current incarnation, our lovable Xena does tend to be a violent person. So, we have slicing and dicing, and crunching of bones… but no emasculation in this one.

I think.

Subtext - Subtext.. there's a debate going on at this point as to whether subtext is subtext or just plain maintext nowadays on the series. At any rate, this story does involve women who are in love with each other.. so if that puts your undies in a wad, please go to Xeno's listing, and choose something nice out of the general fiction area. There's lot's of good stories there.

And while we're on the subject, if you do read past the above warning, and are offended by the love described in the story, email me your snail mail address, so I can send you some German chocolate cake, OK? I feel horrible for you.

UberXena - Ok - this story contains characters of the Uber Xena genre. Some folks don't like to read that. There are sections of two characters that showed up in a previous story of mine (Bound) and they'll be mixed with sections involving our old friends, Xena and Gabrielle. Just want to warn you, OK? OK.

 Any and all comments are always welcome. You can email them to:

mailto:merwolf@worldnet.att.net

Reflections from the Past - Part 1

By Melissa Good

The cabin was a snug, and cheerful place, despite or perhaps enhanced by the howling of the winds that rattled the roof, and caused the wall planks to creak in protest. Inside, a fire crackled invitingly, and the scent of cinnamon and apples was wafting across the room.

On a thick, fluffy hide near the fireplace, a compactly made woman with red gold hair was sprawled, dressed in a warm, soft sleep shirt despite the full daylight outside. A black furred wolf slumbered at her side, his paws twitching gently, and his breath warming her leg. Spread around her were neat piles of very old scrolls, and she was making notes on a newer piece in a strong, firm hand.

Gabrielle paused in her writing to lift a long fork, and probe the apples that were roasting, and spared a faintly amused look towards the tall, still form standing near the window.

"Y'know, Xena.. if you stare out at that snow hard enough, I bet you could get it to stop just by the power of your will." She commented, biting down lightly on the tip of her quill. "I really do." She watched her partner half turn and gaze at her, seeing the glint of wry humor in her pale blue eyes.

"Very funny." Xena drawled. "This is going to last for days." She put a hand on either side of the windowsill and peered out. "I thought we were done with these damn storms."

"So?" Gabrielle replied, moving one scroll off to a pile, and substituting it with another. "Somewhere you desperately needed to go?"

The warrior sighed. "No.. I picked up both traplines a few days ago, I took out the last hunting party yesterday, and mom has a pile of fish the size of Argo that she's preserving." She let her hands drop down to her sides, and padded over to where the bard was reclining, collapsing next to her with a sigh, and propping her head up on one hand. "So.. no."

Gabrielle put the quill down, and gave her partner her full attention, studying the lean, angular face across from her and drinking in the warmth of her presence. "I know you hate being cooped up like this." She commented quietly. "Is it bothering you?"

Blue eyes gazed intently back into hers for a long minute, then Xena's mouth quirked into a tiny, rueful grin. "A little." She admitted, rolling onto her back and gazing up at the timbered ceiling with a sigh. Damn…

Gabrielle pushed her scrolls aside, and crawled closer, reaching out a hand to brush Xena's dark hair off her forehead, and running a finger down the side of her face. "Anything I can do to help?" She asked innocently. "You know.. take your mind off it?"

A dark eyebrow arched. "Possibly." She allowed, a gently amused look crossing her face. "Hmm… trapped in here with you.. I guess I'll just have to tough it out." The warrior spread her arms out to either side of her body, and stretched lazily. "You got those scrolls ready for translation?"

Gabrielle smiled, with a gentle sense of relief at her partner's returning good humor. The restlessly active warrior had been.. pretty good.. all winter. She mused. Hunting expeditions and raiders had kept her reasonably occupied, enough to let her spend more time than Gabrielle had dared hope in what they both jokingly referred to as hibernation mode, long hours spent immersed in each other, sometimes in playful passion, other times simply snuggling together, with Xena a willing ear for her snippets of stories in progress.

The time since their joining, a moon, and half of another, had been completely peaceful, to both of their joint amazement. A few attacks by raiders, sure. Gabrielle reflected. And then there was the day the sheep had stampeded. That had been quite a time. Oh.. and the pig chasing Toris across the barnyard and almost catching him because Xena had been laughing too hard to grab him and pull him over the rail fence. But other than that… no, it had been quiet.

And while she was looking forward to the spring, and resuming their journeys.. a part of her was finding it really liked those long afternoons and would miss them once they were out on the road again. Maybe.. she considered idly. Maybe every once in a while I could get her to just.. take an afternoon off out there, hmm? The idea appealed to her. "Hey.. Xena?"

"Mmm?" Xena curled an arm around her and tugged. "C'mere."

Obligingly, she snuggled close, and slid her body up against the warrior's, breathing in the tickly scent of her woven shift with pleasure as she wrapped her arm around Xena's stomach and laid her head in the hollow of the warrior's shoulder. "I think I found the first scroll." She informed her partner. Her project during the lazy days of winter had been to catalog the scrolls they'd found on their visit to Jessan's people.

"Did you?" Xena smiled, and rubbed her back with the tips of her fingers. "From the dates?"

Gabrielle nodded. "Thanks for teaching me that much." She sighed. "The rest of it.. " She felt her shoulders slump. "Going pretty slow." I just… can't wrap my brain around that language… how in Hades does she do that? It comes so easy to her…

"You'll get it." The warrior assured her comfortingly. "In the meantime, I thought it was just a good excuse for you to get me to read to you."

"Mmmm…." Gabrielle chuckled softly under her breath. "Well….. I won't deny that." She admitted, twirling a lock of the warrior's dark hair in her fingers. "So.. you up for a little translating?" Prodding her was the intense curiosity she felt while handling the scrolls, which bore stories from the Viking and Celt they'd discovered hidden in a cave deep in Jessan's clan's territory.

Xena grinned. "Maybe… if you're up for getting me out one of those apples." She gave the bard a sheepish look. "That smell is driving me crazy."

"Heh." Gabrielle smirked. "Told mom you'd like them." She rolled away from Xena's relaxed form, and got to her feet, moving to the fire and crouching down. "And.. I think they're ready." She threw a triumphant glance over her shoulder at her partner. "So you get ready to read, and I'll bring it over.. deal?"

A low chuckle answered her. "Deal." Xena agreed, moving over to where they had a pile of pillows tumbled about, and settling herself into a comfortable nest, taking the top scroll from the pile Gabrielle had been working on, and examining it. "Oh.. hey, yeah. you're right… must have been. It's kind of a background on both of them." She glanced up as Ares woke, and stretched, spotting her nearby and snorting. "Hey boy."

The wolf scrambled up, and trotted over, curling up against her left side and letting his muzzle rest on her leg with a contented sigh. "Roo." He muttered, as she scratched his ears. "Arrhhgrroo."

Xena grinned as she stroked his thick coat. The wolf was almost full grown in length, but still retained the some of the adolescent gawkiness of his recently left behind puppyhood, and had a bit of filling out to do before his body caught up to his bone structure. His adult coat had come in a rich, dark color, not far from Xena's own, and he had glinting copper highlights around his muzzle, and chest that showed mostly in the bright sunlight

"Ooo." Gabrielle cooed, as she settled herself against Xena's warm body, and peered at the scroll. "Here." She scooped a bit of the baked apple up in a spoon and offered it up, watching with interest as her partner took the bit neatly off the spoon and chewed thoughtfully. "Well?"

Honey. Xena deduced. Cinnamon.. and figs, and nuts…Oh gods.. I'm in trouble… "It tastes even better than it smells. How'd you do that?" She glanced pointedly at the bowl, and grinned as the bard offered her another mouthful. Oh well.. I have been drilling pretty hard.. guess I can afford it.

The bard smirked. "It's those apples mom had left over.. I took out the middles, and stuffed them with cut up figs, and some of those nuts you brought back the other day, and drizzled honey over the whole thing, with some spices. Good, huh?" She took a bite herself. "Oh.. wow.. yeah.. and the best part is, I can make these when we're roaming around out there.. doesn't take hardly any time or stuff."

"Really?" Xena murmured, impressed. "Well, you can make them anytime, so far as I'm concerned." Another pointed stare at the bowl was rewarded with more apple, and a giggle from the bard. "So.. " She let go of the scroll with one hand, and slipped that arm around Gabrielle, then raised a knee to balance the parchment against. "You ready to hear this?"

Gabrielle settled her head comfortably against Xena's shoulder, and nodded. "Go on."

A quick, sly glance. "I dunno.. hard to concentrate with all those nice smells from that bowl."

The bard giggled. "You're so bad." But she delivered up another portion. "Don’t' worry.. I've got six of them over there."

"Mmm.." Xena mumbled. "That ought to last through at least.. one scroll." She swallowed and licked her lips, then turned her attention back to the faded parchment in front of her. The language was old, and rhythmic, and she had to spend some time just reading it before her mind started translating the images held in the words into concepts she could explain to her eagerly waiting partner. "Here we go.." She finally said, and took a breath to begin.

Now that the winter cold is upon us, I find it in my heart to set down in peace, and tell the tales from the beginning. As the days shorten, and the quiet time lengthens, I find myself spending moments remembering home.. and the place that I came from.

So here I be, a woman grown, in a land far from my own and with a person such as the likes of which I would have never dreamed of as the child I was, resting quietly in my father's dwelling, listening to our bard tell tales of far away.

Now I am the bard, and I tell the tales.. though there is no campfire left, no home to return to. All our children are gone.. I am the last of our clan, so the history I set down here is also the last living word of the people we were.

Who am I? I am Ardwyn, daughter of Breagan and Ethna from the village of Rehain near the sea. Our people numbered many handfuls, and we lived a well loved life, our warriors were fierce, and our hunters bold, and our village prospered after the way of our kind.

My father was our shaman, and many is a night when, closing mine eyes, I see his as he looked off into the dark silence, and saw the things only shaman's could see, the patterns in the firelight, and the mysteries of the stars.

He was a big man, taller than most, and built like the forest bear with a wide chest, and plentiful hair upon it. His arms were strong, and though he bore a weapon not, his fists had quelled many an argument, when the ale flowed too frequently and tempers were roused.

His hair was fair, naturally so, unlike the warriors who bleached theirs.. no, his was pale as a Northman's, and his eyes were a wonderful pale green, like the sea on a sunny day.

As mine are, but my tresses I got from my mother, who was dark as our people are, though my own hair shows bits of fire in the bright light.

Four brothers had I, all older, and two sisters, younger. We lived with my father's brothers and sisters in our long house, where the fireplace claimed central importance, and was guarded constantly by my mother and aunts, lest the flame be allowed to die out. Our beds were layered around that, the children nearest, until one became of an age of responsibility, then to the outer ring you went, until you a woman or man became, or married into another longhouse.

My father was respected and feared, as a shaman always was, as it was his responsibility to make sure the gods knew the devotion of our village, and that they had ample sacrifices made to keep them appeased, and keep ill fortune from our doorsteps. And a good job he did.. mostly.

Mostly.. though it is of my mind that what befell us was not of his doing.. only that the gods of the Northmen fought with our own gods, and bested them, allowing the raiders to come down upon us like wolves in the snow.

My brothers were warriors, save the youngest, pale Dathan, whose eyes bore my father's dreamy stare, and who shared his visions with a youthful delight that made his sire smile in the knowledge that here, at least, was a shaman initiate of his own loins he could train to the old ways.

My oldest brother, Beolain, was a favorite son of the village, being built like my father, and taking on his golden coloring. He was a favorite with the girls, until my father made pact with Gobhan our leader, and handfasted Beolain with Gobhan's daughter Morwen and so joined our two families to the contentment of us all.

Twas the night of the joining, in fact, on the eve of Summer Solstice when even the gods were celebrating, that our doom came upon us. I was working with my mother, preparing the feast, watching her hands perform the ritual fixings of the meal when I heard the first screams.

Running outside, I felt the sting of a light spring rain hit my face, still cool from the northering wind. And on that wind came the Northmen, pouring into the village on the setting sun like the wrath of the gods themselves.

They seemed to me huge, in their skins, and with their horns flashing against the suns bloody rays as they hacked and spitted all that stood in their path.

Oh.. my gentle sisters… my people. It wasn't plunder they were after, it was a slaking of the blood thirst. Cared not for our bronze, or our foods… they wanted the pleasure of the screams, and the agony of our dying as their reward.

And that, they got, though even now, even all these years later, I shake as I write the words.. even now the grief comes over me like a water fall with it's chilling power. In my dreams.. where they only live now, I see my father, no warrior, but standing over my mother's fallen body with a long sword swinging.. cutting them down until they spitted him like a forest boar.

I see my sisters, the youngest but a lass, being torn to pieces by two tall Northmen laughing. I see my brothers in their colorful wedding tunics, standing firm and bold with our fighters, but the Northmen were far too many, and they rode over them as though rabid, their horrible axes raining down upon their helmless heads and splitting them. My dear gods.. I hate that sound. I dream of it still.

The blood ran freely that day. Only six of us were spared, for reasons I never kenned. Six, of an entire people. I, alone of my family, remained, seeing their bodies kicked and discarded as offal, wounding me to my very soul with hatred for the Northmen. If I had been but a fighter… ah, but then, this story would never have been told, for I would have died that day, my blood mingling with my brothers and sisters, my father and mothers, and there would be none at all left to remember.

I thought, at the time, that it would have been a better thing. To have missed knowing that rage, that emptiness. Now…, aye, now.. I look across the firepit into a pair of Northern eyes, and at last, I can smile. But that took a long time.

Six of us were spared, did I say? Myself, though battered, and Morwen, whose eyes were colder than ice, Morwen's sister Rhun, and three younger lads, hardly more than babes. Into chains we were put, and taken out of the burning wreck of our home to a future none could fathom.

I spent most of the journey in darkness.. I could not tell you if we went by path or by rough lands, or what sights we saw. My eyes were turned inward, seeing the sunlight on my mother's face, and mourning their loss in my life, not caring what might happen to me.

The Northmen were rough, thinking nothing of kicking us forward, or dragging us by the heavy chains that shackled our wrists. On the second night, they took Morwen.. and I did not see her again. But I heard her screams, and did so in my dreams for long after. She had been a pretty lass.. with hair as red as the setting sun. I must set down that I felt then.. that I wished they had taken me instead. All that I knew, all that I had been, or hoped to be, was gone, for what is a person without family? It is a hard thing to be alone.

Such were my feelings when to the Northman's camp we came, filthy and bloodied, in a ceaseless fog of exhaustion and grief.

They took us and set us in rude cages, and we saw that we were not alone, but just a small addition to their spoils. I saw one taken out, and used for a Northman's pleasure there in the daylight, and felt in my heart that I had done some terrible thing.. to be so cruelly used. I prayed to the gods with all my strength that I be allowed to once again join my family, and leave this darkness behind me.

Then as I watched, in sickness, and grief, a tall Northman, bloodied helm held high, crossed to the laughing pile over the moaning captive, and took an ax and swung it, and I averted mine eyes, my heart dying within me.

There was that sound again. But my elbow was gripped by Rhun, and up I looked, to see not the captive, but the Northman lie crumpled on the ground liked a felled deer. And mine eyes lifted, as the tall ax wielder doffed the horned helm, and I beheld a fair face beneath it. Stern and cold, as all that race, with palest straw hair, but a woman's features nonetheless, perched above a body as much a warrior's as any.

To my eyes, whose people come of fighter's blood, whose men and women both take the sword, this was not a wondrous thing. But this Northerner's emotionless face spoke of a discipline that our kind, whose passion rules the battle, surely did not know.

Our cage contained a few, pitiful habitants, and one of these I crept to, and held by the hand. Who, asked I, who is that?

"Elevown." Was the answer. "tis her bloody hand that leads them."

Elevown. Mine eyes were drawn to her as though compelled by the gods. I watched as she wiped the gore from her axe off on the man's brecches, and laughed. I shuddered, and now with the wisdom of time I look back, and remember the chill that raced down my back when her eyes lifted, and, with stark arrogance, met mine own.

Here, was the thing that had taken my family from me. That had seen my sisters ravaged, and my brother's spitted like pigs. Had seen my gentle father turned to violence, and my mother taken headless to the ground. This Northerner. This.. Elevown. My heart should have filled with hatred, and the desire to see her taken to pieces.

And yet. Those eyes meeting mine, and something twitched within me. Something new. Something ancient.

Then it was gone, and I only felt the weariness and grief, and the darkness closed over me, taking my pained body into the realms of the gray mists for just a little while.

I dreamed of my mother, her eyes smiling at me. And of my father, who had bounced me on his knee as he told me the legends of our kind.

I said goodbye.

Xena's voice fell silent on the last word, with a quiet huskiness that scraped raw against Gabrielle's senses. She looked up, to see her partner's eyes closed in pain, and put a hand gently on her arm, letting her thumb rub the soft skin. "Hey…"

The warrior opened her eyes, and gazed dully at the fire. "You know, Gabrielle.. maybe just once, I should have put myself in my victim's place."

It was stark, and cold, and reminded her again that Xena had once been a very different person. Gabrielle kept her silence, not knowing anything to say that wouldn't make the situation worse. Because it was true, Xena had done those things, and no measure of her knowing who Xena was now would change that.

But… "Xena?"

A long, almost soundless sigh. "Yeah?"

Gabrielle slipped a hand under the soft fabric of her partner's shift and started tracing a familiar pattern across her belly. "It.. kind of just occurred to me.. you know.. Ardwyn went through.. kind of the same thing Callisto did." She felt the jerk as Xena's body tensed under her hands. "But.. look how different she turned out."

Xena felt the sick roiling that hit her in the gut pause, as the bard's words penetrated her whirling thoughts. Gabrielle's invoking of Callisto's name.. had sent harsh daggers through her. "But…"

"No.. I mean it." Gabrielle gently insisted. "Callisto always insisted you made her.. but you know, Xena… I really don't think that's true." She looked up, and captured those fearful blue eyes intently. "You told me once that people are who they are… remember?"

A long pause. "I.. I remember." Xena admitted. "But…"

The bard pressed a thumb against her ribcage and took a breath. "You told me.. in.. when the Fates.. I mean, when they gave you that choice.. you said you met.. um.. me there. Right?"

"Yeah." Xena whispered.

"So.. you said lots of bad things had happened to me, right?" Gabrielle persisted.

The warrior nodded slowly.

"Would I have been like Callisto?" Now green eyes met hers with a direct honesty that was inherent to Gabrielle.

Xena let out a snort. "Of course not."

"Why?" Came the steady question.

"Well, because you're not.. that.. kind.. " Xena realized what she was saying and fell silent. "Of person." She finished with a sigh, but her lips quirked. Damn.. she got me.

A dark memory surfaced. Callisto.. Cirra… that night by the campfire.

"Do you want to talk about it?" A quiet question, from a young girl asked in all innocence.

Had she wanted to talk about it? Xena would have laughed, if she could have gotten it past the lump in her throat. How had she rationalized it to herself then? Oh.. right.. fire. Wasn't her fault. Damn if she hadn't gotten good at lying to herself , right?

In the darkness of that night, she'd realized the weight of her past, and made the decision to let Gabrielle in on the monster she'd been travelling with. Maybe then.. the girl would just.. go home. Maybe then she'd understand just how futile this little quest was. "It was.. just another village." She'd said, keeping her voice even. And she'd told her, in all it's disgusting glory.

Callisto had wanted revenge.. and Xena had understood that, oh yes. "I don't blame her."

"I do." Had come the answer from that innocent kid, who saw good in.. damn.. everything. "Xena.. this has to stop somewhere…"

"That.. is so hard." Xena's knowing answer. What would I have done, if someone had slaughtered my family in front of me? Oh… gods.. no question.

"You did it." The girl had insisted. "You were infected by hate.. but you changed that.."

Had she? Xena often wondered. Or had she just shoved it down, under the covers where it lurked, waiting. "I saw what I'd become, and was able to turn it around." Damn.. but she hadn't really changed, and she knew it. "But if something were to happen to mother.. or Hercules… " and now her heart had spoken without regard to certain decisions she'd made. "Or you…"

Startled green eyes had lifted to hers, and a hand gripped her shoulder. "No." Now an intensity animated the girl's young face. "No.. you promise me."

Promise? She wanted a promise.. from someone who had killed in the thousands. What stock could she possible put on that? Did she even know what she was asking?

"You promise me.. if anything happens to me.. you won't become a monster." That came with all the force of Gabrielle's considerable will behind it, and to her shock, Xena actually found herself considering the words.

If something happened to her. Xena felt a sick dropping in her gut. It would be my fault. She closed her eyes against the thought, then opened them again reluctantly.

I.. can't promise that. She found herself deciding, so she reached out awkwardly, and circled the girl's shoulders, pulling her head close for an unexpected hug. "Don't you go changing, Gabrielle. I like you just the way you are."

She felt the girl's breath warm on her shoulder, then a pair of gentle fingers were wiping away the tears that had somehow ended up on her cheek. Embarrassed, she shrugged off Gabrielle's hand, then pushed her away with rough affection. "Go get some sleep."

"NO." Gabrielle's grip tightened, and Xena had found herself captured in the intensity of those eyes, which suddenly seemed ..gods.. when had they gotten so vivid? . "You promise me."

And when she'd looked over, meeting Gabrielle's gaze, she'd known that uttering those words would change something, in a very dangerous way. It would break down a wall she'd kept firmly built. And who knew where that might lead? She was sure she didn't want to do that… this girl would tire of this damn escapade soon enough, and.. she wasn't about to risk exposing her sore spots to this kid.

But then she listened in disbelief as her own voice spoke. "I promise."

Damn.. what had she just done? What in the world was going on with her? But it was said, and even now, the kid wouldn't go to bed. No.. she felt the warmth at her back, and the gentle weight of Gabrielle's chin resting on her shoulder as they both gazed pensively into the flames.

Gabrielle had fallen asleep there, gods only knew how, sitting up and all, and Xena somehow hadn't had the heart to wake her up. Instead, she'd picked her up, and stood for a minute, as the sleepy girl had nestled her head against Xena's shoulder. Trusting her completely.

And as she stood there, bathed in the glow of the fire, she'd felt a deep stirring within her, and sensed herself crossing a line she'd sworn against. Helpless to stop it. Helpless to prevent a part of her heart seeping out of her, captured by this innocent child lying so trustingly in her arms. Captured by her own words, and a promise, binding her as surely as she would be bound in Tartarus at her life's end.

Damn.

"Ok..ok.. you win." Now she admitted to the bard. "Guess I was just feeling sorry for Ardwyn… that was a horrible thing to have to go through." Xena remarked.

"She survived." Was the bard's answer. "But did you notice how she felt when she saw Elevown?" Now she untangled her limbs from Xena's and went to the fire, capturing another apple and grabbing two mugs of mulled ale. "I know exactly what she meant."

Xena put the scroll aside, and let her hands fall onto her thighs as she watched the firelight neatly outline Gabrielle's slim form, turning her shift translucent before the warrior's appreciative eyes. "You do, huh?" She shifted the parchment to the pile on her left, and picked up the next one. "Imagine that."

Gabrielle smiled, as she reseated herself and snuggled back up, handing Xena a mug and a spoonful of apple. "Do you?"

One raised eyebrow answered her. "Yeahhh…" Xena drawled, drawing out the word. "And I had a bump on the back of my head for days to prove it." She took a sip of the ale, and swallowed, then accepted the spoon. "Let's see what's next."

How can one explain what it is like when one's life changes overnight? One day, and I was with my family, in my home, planning for my brother's wedding. The next..

Aye, the next. That morning's waking was hard. My very soul hurt, as I opened my eyes, to see the rude bars before my face, and understand that nothing.. would ever be the same again. Rhun stayed by my side, and we huddled in the back of our prison, watching the Northmen stride here and there about the camp like ranging wolves.

Animals, I thought them, as they no doubt thought us. Covered in rough skins, with broad belts of hide, and carrying their all important horns , both at their belt and on their fair, large heads. Their language was unknown to us, so different than anything I'd heard. But I made effort to listen, and try to ken out a word here, a phrase there, the better to judge their intent towards us.

Faith, I wash I had not. Two sevendays I labored, and finally had enough of their language to glimpse their thoughts. They spoke of selling, and trading, as slaves of our kind were worth high coin in their lands, and I knew, as I struggled to understand their meaning, that we were meant to go with them in their horrible long boats to a distant place.

It was bitter cold, and we suffered greatly from it, the thin gruel they fed us not being enough to fend off the whistling wind that howled through our cages, bringing the stinging salt spray from the Father of waters over us.

Some sickened, and were dragged away. Our cage was in a more sheltered spot than many, though, so we managed to huddle together, and withstand the weather, though many a night I went sleepless in shivering misery.

One such night, as they made ready for travel, I was crouched in the corner of the cage, just watching, when Elevown returned with the hunting party that had left a few days prior. I found my eyes following her, watching that loose limbed walk so like the Dire wolf of our northern forests I thought, perhaps, that the Northmen might take a furred sister to wed.

Did it make me feel better, to think such of her? Perhaps. But I was the one cold, and starveling, and she dressed in warm furs, so which of us was more the beast? I let the darkness fold over my prison, and as the chill took me again I heard footsteps.

Sure things, they were, and closer and closer they crept, until only a thin layer of darkness separated us, in our cage, from the silent watcher without. I felt air move, and looked between the bars.

And was captured, by eyes the color of the storm filled skies that had just left us. Keen, bright things, they studied me close, set in a face that was all angles and planes, surrounded by a wild mane of golden hair

A faint tinkle sounded, the fair chime of tiny swords which swung from her ears, as she tilted her head to gaze at us.

Nay, at me. Look so strange to her, did I? With my dark features, strange, but of an age with her, I kenned, or just less.

I wanted to hate her. The gods are my witness that I did.. Those cold eyes.. staring at me… scouring my skin with their arrogance. Her hand snaked in, and grabbed my hair, twisting it about and forcing me to yield to her rough inspection.

Then the touch was gone, and she was standing, her body blocking the harsh wind for a bare moment. "Ofsi." Her voice was like the ocean, gentle and rolling, and it crashed against my senses "Otambaer."

Pride, she had said. Wild and untamed. Knew us she did, for that, I knew, was as good a set of words to describe the Kelti as any were.

"Rettr." I answered, unable to stop my tongue. Correct.

Teeth flashed, and her rough laugh was heard. "Kelti." She ducked down again, and lanced me with those eyes. "Nafn?"

Giving of a name.. is giving of self, my father told me. This was no friend, but the enemy who had slaughtered my people.

And yet… "Ardwyn." Said I. "Er tha Elevown." Wild and untamed.. perhaps. But we are a learned people, with a history passed from mouth to ear for time beyond counting.

"Ardwyn." The sound transfixed me. Never had my name sounded so strange. "Djarfr."

Glanced down at that, did I, for bold I was not, and wanted no thoughts of that turned towards me. So few words I'd gathered… and words could be more dangerous than swords in the hands of these Northerners.

Footsteps leaving, but I kept me head down and did not watch her go, just sat there in the dark, aware of the shiverings of my companions and the bleak emptiness of my soul.

Footsteps again, and I knew, with a knowledge beyond my understanding that they were hers, though I had heard them now but twice. How was this? No words this time, but a rough bundle hit me in the head, and I jumped, as it fell from my shoulders and tumbled to the ground.

A blanket. And no words.

Gabrielle chuckled softly as the scroll ended, and she fingered it with a look of wry amusement.

"What's so funny?" Xena cocked her head in inquiry, as she yawned, groaning at her body's stiffness.. "Gods.. I gotta get up.." So saying she stood, and rocked her head back and forth, wincing at the sounds of her neck popping. "Well?"

Gabrielle got to her feet and watched as her partner stretched her long arms up and grasped a convenient roof support, curling her hands around it and letting her body hang for a long, steady moment. "Ow." She commented, hearing the vertebra snap into place.

"Yeah." Xena sighed, wincing a bit. "I went a little overboard yesterday.. did some stuff I probably shouldn't have." A little? Did those lazy months come back to haunt me, or what?The warrior let a half grin quirk her lips. What the Hades.. it was worth it.. consider it a fair trade.

"Mmm.. " the bard rumbled in low mutter, as she slipped over and ran her hands down the warrior's body, giving her a gentle massage. "I told you to take it easier, love."

Xena snorted softly. "It's not that bad."

Gabrielle's pale eyebrows rose, as she worked her hands across Xena's tense back. "Oh really?"

The warrior felt her competitive nature rising to the challenge. "Really." She growled, taking a good grip on the roof beam, then lifting her body up, and wrapping her legs around Gabrielle's body, lifting the bard off the ground as well.

Gabrielle grabbed a hold on her thighs to keep her balance, and just shook her head. "Someday.. you know, Xena, someday I'll learn not to do that." She held her breath as her partner steadily lifted both of them by her arms alone, and held them there, swinging gently, while gazing at her with calm assurance. "All right.. all right… I surrender… " The pressure around her waist tightened, and she found herself being drawn up towards her partner, who was now giving her an evil grin.

"Xena.. " She let go her hold, and slid her arms up around Xena's neck and sighed as their lips met for a long instant, as they hung there, suspended. Then they paused, and Xena let her down easily, and dropped her own feet to the ground with a smile. Gabrielle's arms drew her close again, and she took a deep inward breath as she felt her partner's body shift, and the warrior's warm hands found their way along her sides.

Cinnamon. She could taste it on both of them, and the tickly spice brought a smile to the bard's face as she let herself slide into a familiar warmly sensual place. Her fingers stroked their way down Xena's face, sensitive tips feeling the heat under her skin. She could smell the faintest hint of oak, from the soft carvings that had lodged themselves in the soft fabric of the warrior's shirt, mingled with a touch of wood smoke, and the distinctive scent of Xena herself, which Gabrielle swore she could tell in total darkness.

Like she would have to. The bard laughed quietly. Like the warm bond between them wouldn't tell her long before she'd have to resort to her sense of smell. But she could anyway… and it was something she loved to indulge herself in, taking a lungful of the charged air between them as she explored the familiar contours of Xena's body, mapping with her hands curves and lines of it, and recognizing every uneven line that meant some scar, some story written on the soft skin.

Suddenly the thin fabric that separated them was too much, and she wanted nothing but to get closer still. Xena sensed it, and with a low, sensual laugh, she shifted and somehow.. Gabrielle was never really sure exactly… they were on the low couch, and her fingers were unthreading the laces that caught the warrior's shirt at the neck. A tug of fabric, and a waft of warm air was caressing her body moments before she lowered herself down slowly, making contact along the length of both of them, and causing gentle chills to chase themselves up and down her spine.

Gods.. it was times like this, when she felt herself being taken along on a rush that was equal parts passion and tenderness, that she felt their connection most strongly. It was like a force binding them together, matching their rhythms and needs with a gentle certainty that eventually spent itself and left them in a peaceful drift.

Which Gabrielle floated in, half sleeping and half waking for a long while until she finally let her eyes drift open, and fondly regard the fire shadowed profile above her. Xena was in a very light doze, her limbs curled protectively over the bard's body, which made Gabrielle break into a smile, as she cast her memories back to that first day.

It had been, she fully realized, a crazy thing to do. She knew next to nothing about Xena, and what she did know.. oh boy.. was all bad. What had she been thinking?

Oh… that's right. She'd been thinking about how much her leg hurt, on that long walk to the river. It had been a bad morning… a plate, was it? She didn't remember really well. Just.. something… whatever.. and she'd twisted her knee getting up from the floor. It had been a warm day, and she could feel, even now, the scratching feeling of the fabric of her skirt against her thighs as she trudged alongside Lila, listening to her younger sister relate.. what had it been? Some gossip or other.

Oh. Right. They'd said Menelentus had run off with the weaver's wife. Gabrielle hadn't thought so, really… but she'd merely nodded, and kept her eyes on the ground, watching for rough spots so as not to jar her aching knee any further. She remembered thinking, if it were true, then both of them were lucky.

A crackling was the only warning they had, then the clearing was filled with half armored thugs, grinning from gap toothed mouths. They were upwind, and the smell of them… gods.. it sickened her all over again to think about it.

"We can do this one of two ways..." Their leader had said, with a laugh, as he uncoiled his whip.

Slavers. She'd thought, trying to dredge up the proper measure of fear.

But.. somehow.. she just couldn't. What's the worst they could do to me? She recalled musing. Beat me? "Take me." She'd said. "Leave the others." It hadn't seemed particularly brave, at the time.. just... she had just done it, that was all. .

Laughter had been her answer. "We'll take you, and whoever else.. " His dirty fingers had clawed at her, and she struck them away. "We want." That with a snarl, as he swung the whip back for a stroke, and she stiffened, her body freezing at the threat.

His body jerked, as he was pulled off balance.. by a hand grabbing the end of the weapon, and tugging hard.

Gabrielle had glanced, startled, behind him as he took a side step, and she got a look at the person crazy enough to grab the thug's whip.

Even now, she remembered the tingle that ran down her spine, which she took as shock, then. The last thing she'd expected to see was a woman standing there.

So tall.. she had seemed to fill a space far larger than her physical size, dressed only in a rough shift, barefoot and weaponless she stood, and in the very posture of her body was pride, and fearlessness, and a kind of courage that Gabrielle had often imagined in the golden recesses of her imagination.

But had never seen. Until now.

She had an angular face, filled with a wild, feral kind of beauty, and dark, unruly hair that curled around her face, framing a silent, knowing grin.

He called for a knife, and her eyes never flickered, that faint smile never faltered.

When she moved, it was with a smooth power and inevitable strength that took his legs from under him, and rendered him gasping on the leaf littered floor, there on that warm, humid day, with the scent of the river rising around them.

Thugs attacked her, and tried to herd Gabrielle and the villager's away.. but she struggled… not wanting to take her eyes off…

This warrior.. who fought with an abandon.. no… a delight that she had no understanding of. The breath was knocked out of her as a thug picked her up, and slung her over his shoulders, despite her struggling… she never saw what caused him to collapse, but she heard him grunt in pain before she was falling. Desperately, she turned, to see the clearing littered with groaning bodies

And the warrior was straightening up, and turning towards her.

Their eyes met. Gabrielle felt her breathing stop, as she absorbed the contact, from eyes the palest, clearest blue she'd ever seen. It was as though a fist had closed over her heart, and squeezed it… and she felt a rush of.. something… that she had no way of categorizing.

Then it was over, and the warrior was crashing to the ground, felled by an unexpected blow from behind.. and a ring of grinning swordsmen surrounded her. Gabrielle saw a moments.. no more.. uncertainty cross that impassive face, then a faint twitch moved her lips, and the thug leader's downstroke was met by not flesh, but steel.

Gabrielle blinked as the sun reflected off something shiny, then heard an odd, screaming whistle, and saw the thugs start, and drop their weapons as something hit them, and took their edges off. The warrior reached up a lazy hand and caught something, and then the girl saw it was a ring of metal.

So strange.. and so was the laugh that tumbled from the warrior's lips as she twirled her sword and disarmed him.

"You're with Draco."

Gabrielle remembered every syllable. The voice was low, and deep, and held more than a hint of dark cruelty.

"Tell him Xena says hello."

The name fit comfortably inside her hearing, and she jumped as the warrior's blow lifted the thug off his feet and laid him down, gasping at hers.

Then the thugs were gone, and the villagers were huddled nervously, staring at this apparition in their midst with as much fear as they'd given the slavers. Gabrielle had sucked in a breath. Even she had heard of Xena.

Those icy blue eyes flicked over them. "Go on home." She'd gruffly ordered, letting out a silent, but perceptible sigh as she knelt down and started digging something up out of the dirt.

Lila had tugged on her sleeve, but she'd found herself unwilling to budge. "Go on." She told Lila. "I'll be right there." Two steps, and she took them before her courage failed, and dropped to a knee in the muddied leaves at her side. "Thank you." No answer. "Um.. can I help you do that?"

"No thanks." Curtly. "Get outta here."

Gabrielle had felt Lila grab the back of her shirt and pull, and she twisted free, driven on by a determination she hardly understood. "Look.. um.. you just saved us.. from something that was probably really bad.. and um.. we live over the hill there.. uh.. at least let us give you some.. um.. water or something?"

The tanned, muscular arms stopped their motion, and those eyes caught hers again. "There's a whole river right there." A faint twitch of one eyebrow. "I'll be fine, thanks. Go on."

"No.. really.. I'd feel a lot better if you'd just come over with us.. I mean.. so we could say thank you.. uh.. properly.. I mean." Gabrielle persisted, sensing.. something.

An elbow propped on one knee. "Look." Xena had gazed at he severely. "I'm glad I was around, but it's over now. Go home. "

"Gabrielle!" Lila had hissed, furious, grabbing her blouse again, then had frozen, as Xena looked up, and given her a frosty stare. "Come on.. you heard her. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with us."

Had it been that one, perverse statement? Gabrielle had always wondered. "Um… listen.. I don’t want to bug you or anything.. and she's probably right.. I mean, I'm sure you're very busy, running around..um… doing.. uh.. I .. I mean whatever it is that's you're doing.. but.."

"All right."

"Well, you know, I mean.. it would just take a few minutes, and I could help you dig this stuff up.. is it yours? Oh.. well.. that's kind of dumb.. of course it's yours.. whose else.. I mean.. all that brass.. and uhh… what?" Gabrielle finally stumbled to a halt, focusing on what the woman had said.

"I said, all right." Xena repeated tonelessly. "If it'll get you to shut up."

"Oh.. uh.. right." She nodded, trying to ignore the silently seething Lila at her back, reaching out a hand to take hold of a piece of metal poking out from the leaves.

Long fingers caught her wrist, and Gabrielle froze. "That's sharp. Don't touch." Startled, she looked back up into those amazing eyes at close distance.

So.. that was Xena, huh? She remembered thinking. Huh.. she's not so bad. In fact.. if she'd wash her face, she'd be kind of pretty. "Uhm… right. Sorry." She swallowed hard, feeling the strength in the fingers that gripped her.

A very brief, flickering smile crossed the warrior's face, so fast Gabrielle had thought she imagined it. "Can I .. uh.. carry something soft?" She gingerly poked the ground with her other hand. "Um… your pillow, or something? No.. you probably don’t have one of those, huh?"

This time the smile lasted a touch longer, and her arm was released. "Nope." The warrior dug up a few more things, and tossed them over her arm. "I use rocks."

Gabrielle's brow had creased. "Uh.. really?"

"Yep." Xena had replied, then, unexpectedly, peered up at her over those dark, curved brows with a look of quiet intimidation. "Really."

Gabrielle had stared back at her, caught between nervousness and intrigue.. her good sense was telling her to get the Hades away from this crazy woman, whose reputation scoured the hills around Potadeia like a harsh ice rain. But driving against that was an intense curiosity and..

Something else.

Curiosity and intrigue won. "You do not." She breathed, watching that still face intently.

The eyebrow quirked, and a tiny, devilish glint appeared in those very blue eyes. "Come on." And Xena had stood, carrying her gear slung over her shoulder. "Gimme a drink, so I can get outta here."

Not without me. Gabrielle chuckled silently, as she let her fingers trail in a slow stroking motion across Xena's ribcage and her eyes studied her partner's sleeping form critically. Not that bad, huh? She bit her lip, eyeing the bruise that colored the warrior's shoulder, inching up the side of her neck. That was a sword going in the wrong direction, she decided, then glanced lower, where several smaller injuries were vivid against Xena's winter paled skin. Well.. Gabrielle sighed to herself ruefully. I got her to take it easy for a couple of darn months.. I should consider that some kind of success, right?

Right. Gabrielle sighed, then put her head back down, jerking a little when she felt a gentle tug on her hair and looking up. "Oh.. sorry.. did I wake you? Didn't mean to." She gave Xena a teasing grin. "You look so cute when you're sleeping."

Xena returned a sardonic look to her. "If you say so." She muttered, and reached out one long arm, snagging a scroll off the top of the pile and pulling it over to study. "Oh.. you'll hate this one." Her lips twitched.

"Yeah? How come?" Gabrielle mumbled, suddenly preoccupied with tasting the inside of Xena's biceps, where she had a particularly ticklish scar.

"Gimme your hand." The warrior replied. "Hey!" She squirmed. "Cut that out."

"Heh." Gabrielle chortled softly. "My revenge for two YEARS of you driving me nuts" She grinned evilly up at Xena "I want you to know I have memorized every single ticklish spot on your whole body."

Xena sighed in mock exasperation, and grabbed her hand, jabbing her wrist with smooth accuracy. "There. Just in case."

"Ugh." Gabrielle grimaced in memory. "Let me guess…. Sailing sailing over the bounding main.. huh?"

A low chuckle answered her. "Yep… and old Ardwyn loved the water just as much as you do, my bard."

Gabrielle snorted softly, and snuggled closer, reveling in the contact of her bare skin against her partner's. "Ok.. go for it." She looked up when Xena didn't start speaking, startled to see a suddenly uncertain look on her partner's face. "Hey?"

"Um." Xena took a breath. "Listen.. I.. I'm sorry if that really drove you nuts that whole time. You.. could have said."

The bard clucked at her. "Hey.. no… you listen. I was… " A breath. "The only person I ever saw you do that to… " She paused. "And.. um.. it made me feel really special." She curled her fingers around her partner's hand, and brought it to her lips. "I knew.. when you did that.. I'd done something right."

Blue eyes glanced back at her with a touch of sheepish embarrassment. "It was.. mm.. a way to get close to you without getting all mushy." Xena admitted reluctantly. "Pretty dumb, huh?" She reached over and grabbed a mug of cooled ale, and sipped it to cover her discomfort.

Gabrielle smiled. "No." Her mouth quirked. "I had a few tricks of my own in that department."

Xena almost choked on the ale. "You did, huh?" She managed, after she swallowed the mouthful. I thought she developed a fondness for riding there after a while. "Imagine that." She put the mug into Gabrielle's hands, and turned her attention to the scroll.

The day dawned clear, on the morning we left my homeland, the Northerners laughing with pleasure to return to their disgusting, rocking, stench filled boats. Do you imagine that I do not like them? Tis true. The motion has always been unpleasant, even on the gentlest of streams for this daughter of the soil, always happier to be on solid ground.

Taken from our cages, and bound together, we were fastened in the bottom of the crafts, and our hands shackled to the long, rough oars that moved the craft over the never-ending waves.

Such misery, I had never known. Oh Lady, I am so weak from my body rebelling against the sea that I can barely stand, and were my arms not bound to the oars, I would slid down to the middens in despair of my life.

Rhun tries to help me, with tiny trickles of water down my throat one night, a sevenday's length into our journey, but my throat is too pained to swallow, and I huddled over my oar, resting my head against the rough, sea scented wood and once again, wished for the long twilight to take me from this place. Lady, I hurt.

And bootsteps ring over us, as the Northerners go about their rough lives, taking us when the fit strikes them, men and women, and using us as though we were cattle for their pleasures. So far, they have shunned me in my misery.. but.. ah, Lady, they have taken little Rhun.

She comes back, and her face is empty. As empty as the dark horizon over the keel of this gods cursed boat. My heart aches for her lost innocence, as she kneels, unable to sit, and rocks silently, tearless.

I reach out to touch her, but she twists from me, her arms about herself in pining agony for her childhood, now gone. He has hurt her, I smell the blood, and her body shakes with the pain. Or perhaps not, as her eyes are as lost as a newborn's, seeing not me, nor the ship around us.

My anger rises helplessly within me, wanting nothing more than to take my age knife, that father carved the handle for on long, firelit nights, and plunge it in him so that he feels her pain also. But that they took from me, along with my freedom, and I am powerless to avenge her innocence, though my heart tells me to her, it would make no difference. She is gone, and the child she was will never return to us.

I will miss her.

A footstep sounds, and a hand grasps her shoulder, and my courage awakens, from some dark spot I know not where. "Rakki." I snarl. Dog. And though my body is strenghless, I strike out, and hit the Northerner in the leg.

The hand drops from Rhun's shoulder, and grabs my chin, twisting my body about with effortless ease, and I am finding ice gray eyes on mine, as storm driven as the skies above us, and wait for my death. Better I than this child, though my heart's sadness tells me the girl would not agree. But into Elevown's eyes I look, and offer up all I have.

Long moments. My breath paints the air with vapor, and mingles with hers. "Orvieti." Her voice tingles the hair on my neck, and I feel the truth in that. I am, truly, crazed, from lack of sleep, and of nurture.. my body is beyond caring about what fate I might meet at her hands. Perhaps she sees that in mine eyes..I know not, but then a movement, and my shackles are loosened, and I am bodily pulled from the oar galley to the creaking front of the vessel.

Where I am shoved, and pinned in place, and close my eyes in sick surrender to her. The spray of the cold water hits me, and I take gulps of the clean, fresh air so different than that in the pits, and still I wait. Still the hand holds me against the wooden planks, until the cold air, and the spray, perhaps, coax my body into relaxing it's rebellion.

I open mine eyes as her hand forces my jaw, and shudder as I feel an unfamiliar pressure against my tongue. A wet coldness explodes inside me… water. I swallow once, twice, again.. my body craves it, and I stand without resistance until I can drink no more.

And still her eyes are on me, with a cold, even gaze that chills my guts and sets my body shivering. Her hand on my shoulder, pushing, sets me down on a rude bench and I huddle there, silently waiting her whim.

"Darae." Her voice is sneering. Fool.

"Ja" I answer, long since past fighting. Ay, I am.. foolish. But Rhun is just a child.. and her misery haunts me like the darkling side of the moon. "of jagr." The words stumble out. Too young.

"Ardwyn.' My name from her Northern lips, and I can hardly believe she remembered it.

"Ja" I answer, on barely a breath. I am so.. Lady, forgive me, I am so tired my will slips from me, and I stand to obey what whim she sets me.

"Benharugha." She snarled. "Da thar." She walked a step, then back, and pushed something into my hands. I felt her fingers fold over mine for the barest instant, then she was gone, and I was alone on the fingertip of this gods spawned prison, looking out into the endless dark of the sea.

My hands fell open, and my eyes found the bundle she'd given me. Biscuits, and the scent of them rising stirred my senses for the first time since we'd left my homeland. I took a nibble as I gazed out into the night, and to my surprise, it stayed within me.

I slept there, my head resting against the harsh wood, until the gray mists of morning woke me, to the stench of the ship, and the sharp, copper smell of blood. I looked behind, and mine eyes were struck by the sight of Northerner, strapped to the mainsail, his back a bloody map and his body writhing in pain.

Behind him stood Elevown, her face a quiet mask, her hand surely gripping a blood covered leather stick. He keened in agony, and she smiled, and my blood ran cold within me. What manner of thing had he done, to be treated such? I wondered.

Her eyes look over, and find mine, and I shudder. That smile is colder than the northering wind that sweeps over us, and chills me to desperate anguish.

"Rakki." Came the simple, single word, her eyes holding mine, and that chilling smile made me understand that this was Rhun's defiler. My heart raged, between pity and satisfaction, as I bowed my head in silence.

Gabrielle pushed the hair out of her eyes, and gazed at her partner, a worried crease appearing in the skin of her forehead. The warrior had stopped reading, and gotten untangled, then slipped back into her shift and walked to the window to stare out of it in silence.

The bard set the scroll down on the finished pile, and walked over to the fire, setting a pot of water on before she crossed behind the small desk and ended up by Xena's side. "Hey." She put a gentle hand on the warrior's back, startled to feel the tension knotted there. "You..want to talk about it?"

No answer. "Listen.. if these things are gonna.. bring up bad stuff for you… Xena, I don't need to hear them." The bard's voice was quiet, but firm, as she studied the expression on her partner's face. "I'll burn them." She turned, but was held by a sudden, warm, grip on her shoulder, and turned back. "I mean it."

Xena sighed, and shifted her hold to a gentle caress against the bard's cheek. "I .. sorry. I just felt bad for that kid." She explained slowly. "That's.. not something you like to see happen to anyone."

Like it did to you? Gabrielle found the sudden thought etching itself into her mind, and she almost closed her eyes against it. Did it? "I know..I.. think about how close I've come sometimes…" She took a breath. "Xena?"

Shadowed blue eyes flicked to hers. "Yeah?"

The question trembled on her lips, and she searched Xena's face intently, feeling the light motion of the warrior's thumb against the side of her face. Close as they were, still she hesitated, knowing this delved into parts of Xena's past she never spoke of. "What happened?" Not a question, exactly.. and she saw the broad shoulders relax and a soft sigh escaped her.

"It… " Xena started to reply, then shrugged. "Usual story, Gabrielle… I was a kid, I trusted someone I shouldn't have… " Her eyes hardened. "He ended up regretting it more than I did."

Gabrielle swallowed, and let her forehead fall forward, to rest against Xena's chest. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, wrapping her arms around her partner. "I wish I'd have been there for you."

She couldn’t see the expression on Xena's face, as the warrior tucked her head beneath her chin.. couldn’t see the anguish of memory there, the pain that contracted her features, or the effort it took to push the terrors of another time back down. "Wish you were too." Came the soft answer. "I coulda used a friend."

They stood quietly for a long moment, then Xena took a deep breath. "Thanks." She murmured. "I needed that."

Gabrielle let out a soundless sigh, and sniffled, her hand moving in a slow, comforting circle on Xena's back. "Anytime." She paused. "I don’t.. I can't imagine… "

"No." Xena said, with quiet forcefulness. "I don’t' want you to imagine that." She laced her fingers behind the bard's neck and met her eyes. "Not as long as I live." A quiet addition. "At least.. I knew.. Perdicus was gentle."

A flicker of vague consternation crossed Gabrielle's face. "Ah.. well, yes.. he.. " She let out a sigh. "Xena.. we… I mean.. well, we didn't."

Xena's dark head cocked to one side, and her brow creased. "Gabrielle.. you.. "

"Well, I mean.. we meant to.. we tried..but.." She shook her head. "The party.. he was kind of drunk.. we..kind of laughed about it. " She fell silent for a time. "We.. thought we'd have plenty of time." A sadly wistful note entered her voice. "And even.. when we were.. trying.. it.. there wasn't.. " A long pause. "It was nice, but… "

"Gabrielle." Xena managed to reply, her face twitching in consternation. "You don't meant to tell me…" That I was… oh… Hades…

Green eyes slid up and met hers, with gentle irony. "I didn’t want you to be self conscious about it." She brushed Xena's cheek with the backs of her fingers. "But yeah… and I'm glad." She gave Xena a smile. "I couldn't have asked for a gentler, more wonderful teacher."

A soft, pained laugh escaped from the warrior's lips. "Damn." She sighed. "I never even considered the possibility." And her mind drifted back to another time, another reality.

"You're crazy" Lyceus hissed. "Bringing her back here! What were you thinking of, Xena?"

Xena had glared at him, as she searched her mother's things. "So.. you think I should have left her there?" Fabric went flying. "Friends don’t' do that, Lyceus."

"She's not your friend." Her brother had gripped her arm with intent strength. "She's a slave, Xena.. don’t' lose sight of that, all right?" Then he was gone, leaving her to the pile of clothes, the gentle herb scent rising to her senses and almost choking her with memories. At last, her fingers fell on the dress she was looking for. She lifted it, and gazed at the outline, mentally comparing it to the form of the girl in the next room. Satisfied, she nodded, and draped it over an arm.

She'd come in behind Gabrielle, and had a moment to study the tense, nervous body before the girl turned and backed, watching her with suspicious eyes. She remembered the whip scars Gabrielle had shown her, and wondered how many more left unseen were on her. "You're.. about the same size as my mother was." She'd gazed into those cold eyes, trying to ignore the wistful loneliness stealing over her. "Here."

Hands took it from her. "It's beautiful." Then, with cold intent. "Why are you doing this? Because I look like your friend?"

Xena had paused, and sighed. "Because you are my friend." So odd, for her to be the one offering. "I guess I'll let you change." She'd turned, and stopped at the girl's words.

"What for?" Gabrielle's voice had held worldly sarcasm. "You'll get to see it soon enough.. I'm not stupid enough to think that's not why I'm here."

Xena had swung around, and stared at her. "What are you talking about?" A step forward, stopping when the girl stepped backwards away from her. "You're not here for anything."

A snort. "Please.. don't lie. Or didn't you know that's what slaves are for?" Gabrielle's face had twisted into a bitter smile. "I have lots… of experience." An ironic look crossed her face. "Do you?"

The warrior had studied her face sadly, and sat down, resting her elbows on her knees. "Gabrielle.. no one here is going to hurt you, or make you do anything you don't want to do." She muttered softly.

"Oh yeah?" The girl crouched down and gazed into Xena's eyes, an unpleasant smile on her face. "Just who's going to stop them?"

Xena had let her dark side surface, seeing by the girl's sudden stiffening that she'd seen it. "I am." She responded with soft menace.

They breathed each other's air for a long moment. "You're not.. just some village innkeeper, are you?" Gabrielle had finally said, confused and uncertain. "I mean.. the world out there is full of dirty bastards and here you are.. telling me you'll protect me." She moved a little closer. "Why should I believe you?"

"Do you?" Xena asked.

Silence settled over them, as the warrior watched layers of fear and distrust slowly peel themselves from the girl's eyes.

"Yes." Gabrielle finally whispered, as, at last, a fearful, aching hope edged it's way onto her face. "It's probably a stupid thing to do.. but.." Suddenly something melted in those mist green eyes. "I can't help it."

She wavered, and Xena grabbed her, as they both ended up on the floor, the warrior with the girl's body cradled in her arms. "Easy.. easy.. I got you." She'd whispered softly, as the girl fought to recover her composure. "It's gonna be all right, Gabrielle. I promise you."

"I.. I don’t' even know if my family… " Gabrielle choked out. "They.. my sister was with me when the slavers caught us.. she died last year."

Xena had closed her eyes, and just hugged the girl. "I'm sorry."

Gabrielle sniffled shakily, and rubbed her eyes. "S'not your fault." She freed herself, and sat back with a tired sigh. "Not like you could have stopped it."

How many lives were stacked up against hers, Xena pondered, as she left Gabrielle to change. Lyceus alive, yes, and countless thousands of others that had died at her hands. Surely that was more important than one slave girl, no matter how Xena felt about her? Wasn't it?

A sound at the doorway made her turn, half listening to Lyceus' grumbles, and her eyes softened at the sight of Gabrielle, standing uncertainly in the doorway, her fingers plucking hesitantly at the fabric which outlined her slim body. The soft sunlight crept into the back room of the inn, and caught glinting reflections off her fiery golden hair, and made her green eyes take on a light of their own.

Lyceus was instantly attentive, his prejudices overwhelmed by Gabrielle's gentle beauty, and he graciously seated her, his eyes roving over her shyly. She noticed, and gave him a tentative smile, but her eyes slipped to Xena's silent form, and stayed there.

It felt.. for just a moment, almost familiar, as a glimmering of the person this Gabrielle would have been came peeking through.

I can change her life here. Xena had realized. Despite what she's been through.. I can make a difference for her.. the same difference she made for me in that other life. I owe her that. I owe her..

Everything.

"Xena?" Gabrielle's voice trickled down her hearing, and she blinked, as the bard's face came in to focus. "Are you all right?"

She studied the bard's face, the open, trusting gentleness so different than the one in her memory, and sighed. No.. this is what she owed Gabrielle. A life without knowing that kind of horror. "Yeah, I'm fine.. just thinking."

"Mm." Gabrielle tucked a hand around her arm and tugged. "C'mere and think by the fire. It's drafty by that window.

Xena allowed herself to be led away from the chill surface, reaching out and picking up her knife and a block of half-carved wood as they moved past the table. "Yes mom." She gave the bard a teasing glance as she collapsed onto the hearth rug, leaning back against the warm surface of the hearth and examining her work.

Gabrielle snorted softly. "As if." She grabbed two mugs and set them down on the floor near her partner, then crossed to the table near the bed and picked up a small jar, returning to where Xena was sitting and dropping down next to her. "C'mere, you klutz."

One dark eyebrow arched sharply. "Excuse me?"

The bard rolled her eyes, dipping her fingers in lineament, and tugging the neck down on Xena's shift. "I swear, Xena.. you put more marks on yourself than any of your opponents ever do." She smoothed the spicy smelling stuff on the long bruise on her partner' neck.

"Hmph." The warrior growled. "I should hope so." She gave Gabrielle a sideways look. "Although given how rusty I am, it's a miracle it wasn't a lot worse." She let out an aggrieved sigh, which was echoed by Ares, who had trotted over and curled himself up next to her. "Who asked you?" She muttered at the wolf, who muttered back.

"Oh.. yeah.. you always say that." Gabrielle commented, moving Xena's head to one side so she could get at the back of her neck. "Yah.. yah.. yah.. rusty this, rusty that, then you go do some impossible stunt and look disgusted at yourself. "

Xena couldn’t help it.. she started chuckling.. "I'm not kidding.. I managed to flip myself into a tree twice.. you woulda laughed your head off." She protested wryly, wincing as Gabrielle's gentle fingers found a particularly sore spot. She closed her eyes, and waited for the bard to finish, enjoying the closeness, and the soft whispering sounds of Gabrielle's hands against her skin. The smell of the liniment rose teasingly to her, along with the mingled scents of their bodies, and the wood Xena held in her relaxed grip. "Mmmmm…" The warrior sighed happily, as the bard completed her task, then snuggled into place alongside her, reaching over and pouring the gently boiling water of the herbs she'd put in the cups.

"So." Gabrielle commented, drizzling honey into the steeping tea and stirring it idly. "Whatcha carving?" She handed Xena her cup, and pulled the next scroll over, propping it against her raised knee, and scowling at the words. I can learn this.. I have to. Some of this stuff is hitting her too damn deep..

"Ares." Xena replied absently, peering over her shoulder at the scroll. "Hey!" She protested, when the bard drew it further away. "Don't you want me to read that?"

Gabrielle turned and gave her a direct look. "Not if it's going to bother you." The bard's voice was deadly serous. "I mean it."

This is ridiculous. Xena scowled silently, then her lips quirked into a reluctant smile. "I'll be all right, Gabrielle." She met the bard's eyes. "Really. They're just stories." Those mossy eyes continued to regard her deeply, and she sighed. "Listen.. sometimes dredging all that stuff up helps me to put it a little more to rest, OK?"

Gabrielle finally gave a little nod, and relaxed against her, moving the scroll back where they both could read it. "I could have told you that." She commented quietly. 'You keep everything so bottled up.. it scares me sometimes."

"Survival tactic." Her partner muttered, taking a deep swallow of tea. "Vicious warlords don’t tend to be the gentle, sensitive types, Gabrielle."

The bard slid a hand under the soft fabric of her partner's shift and gave her belly a gentle rub. "It's a good act.. you keep practicing, ok, honey?"

An outraged glare. "Get that scroll over here, bard." Xena growled, "Before my reputation gets ruined any worse." She glanced down at Ares, who had lifted his head, and was watching with interest. "What're you lookin at?"

"Roo." The wolf yodeled softly. "Grrrrr.." He laid his head down on her thigh, and gazed adoringly at her. "Arrrgghhrrrooo.."

Xena gave him a disgusted look, then glanced at Gabrielle, only to find the bard gazing at her with an identical expression. "Aw… c'mon you two!"

The bard grinned impishly, and tucked her head back against Xena's warm shoulder. She kept her hand where it was, though, enjoying the feel of Xena's breathing under her slowly moving touch.

The warrior let out a mock sigh, and turned her attention to the scroll.

A moon and more at sea.. and I think my body has finally become used to the motion.. though many nights I sit quiet up in the front of the boat, feeling the harsh wind cut through me.

Why she does this, I do not know. Perhaps she wishes to maintain some value in a slave.. surely a live one sells better.. but for that, why me? All of us are in poor shape, and little Rhun.. I fear for her.. she neither eats nor sleeps willingly.. and her eyes have taken on a gray mist. She goes, and comes, but is not really there, and sometimes I feel it is for the best.

The crew keeps clear of her, though, and of me, though certainly their eyes wander over us, minding me of the crawling of vile bugs against my flesh. At least, the barn isn't with child… the only emotion I have seen in her since is her tears when she cycled.

This night I sit curled up near the bow, my cheek resting against the weather roughened wood and watch Elevown's silent profile as she sits across from me, her hands working a bit of ivory into the shape of a seagull. The night wind blows the mane of fair hair off her face, and I reflect again on how young she is, to be master of such a ship as this.

Her father is a chieftain of their kind, I ken from the small speech I gathered from the others, and she his eldest daughter, and this day we met up with a hand more longboats. Much shouting and wild oathtaking joined the meeting, and my ears caught tiny chips of truth.. we are headed not for their home, but for a new land, which they hope to conquer.

The boats which course alongside us are filled with Northern warriors, and helmed by her blood, her brothers, all big, wild men with coarse voices and whipping, pale beards. Barrel chested and seeming like giants beside her, and yet..

Her strength overcomes them, and her silent presence rules their thoughts, though the eldest breden of them claims leadership. His eyes find hers as he speaks, looking for her nod of yes, and no as he lays out their plan. Agreements made, and then separate they went, each to his own tiny command, and she to hers.

And now she sits, silent as the moon, and regards the cresting waves as her hands craft a thing as beautiful as she is.

Can I be thinking that? This is a barbarian.. who caused the deaths of my family. Mine eyes should find her in revulsion.

And yet.. I do not. Perhaps it is because she took vengeance for Rhun's defilement.. I know not.. but I find myself watching her with furtive eyes as she roams the boat, its master unquestioned.

Now her eyes drift over and before she can catch me watching, I shut tight my eyes. Feeling her cool gaze hit me through closed eyelids that quiver, and knowing my breathing to catch.

Her eyes rest on me a long, silent time, and the gray twilight almost overtakes me before I hear her stand, and her footsteps take her closer, rocking unevenly with the motion of the boat until she stands by my side, still in silence.

The soft furs she wears give off their musky scent, and too I can smell the tang of her sword, and the salt on her skin. The Northmen stink.. but she does not, and I have seen her at her daily bath, her long form diving cleanly over the sides of the boat, catching the trailing line and drifting in it's cold wake to return scoured, and ruddy from the harsh salt water.

Silence, save the creak of the ropes, and the endless sloshing crash of the waves against the boat's side. The a touch of her fingertip against my shoulder, and I look up, playing that I have just woken.

"Blasa." She says, pointing to the dark clouds which had covered the stars. "Haski.. midr." A storm comes, and she warns me to take cover, and that warming I heed well, having been caught in one storm already, and not liking it a bit.

The wind shifts, and shifts again, and the sails flap uneasily above us. The Northmen rush about the ship, and take the sheets down, fastening them with strong oaths as their wild hair is thrown about them. We huddle in the bottom of the boat, the oars pulled in about us as the helmsman turns the boat into the wind, and the waves begin to rise.

Lady, I have never felt a storm so wild, so evil in it’s fierce intent. The boat spins, it seems, and rain lashes me, as I tied myself off to the benches, holding Rhun tight in my arms for her safety. Bits of the rigging fly past us, slapping me with harsh, wetness, and the roar of the wind takes my breath away.

The ship heels, and a wave crashes in, filling my mouth with dank, and salty spray. Rhun screams, as I stand and turn her away from the flood. Another wave, and to my horror, she is torn from me. I pull myself free of my ropes, and lunge after her.

I catch her hand, and she turns to look at me, her eyes wild, as her salt wet hand slowly slips from mine.

And then she is gone, into the cold darkness.

For a long moment, I hear not the wind, see not the rain driving against me. My mind's eye fashions only her sad, lost face, and I cannot help but to think that perhaps, it is a better thing to let the Lady take her, and give her back her innocence.

Fair Journey, Rhun… we will speak again, at its end, I hope.

The ship shuddered then, as the waves took it one way, and the wind blew it another. I was thrown against the side, and felt the hard caulking scrape raw against my back. The water came over the side again, picking me up and tossing me across the bottom of the boat, and I hung on to the benches, as the bodies of my fellow slaves rolled over me, dashing the breath from my lungs.

A moment's hesitant silence, then the boat screamed, as the waves shook it asunder, and I felt the water close over me, as my grip loosened, and I, too, prepared to make the long journey, sparing a wistful thought of seeing my family again, far sooner than I had hoped.

The boat collapsed on top of me, driving me down, deep under the waves, where a strange, sibilant rumbling filled my senses, leaving behind the fierce howling of the wind. I held by breath, as the chill invaded my body and a numbness began to spread over my limbs

A tug on my shirt almost unfelt, as the pressure began to build in my chest, then another, stronger pull and wood scraped over my head, as a wave slammed into my body with stunning force.

Air, so full of rain it was almost unbreathable and I choked on it, my hands thrashing about and finding a bit of wood planking from off the boat, to which I clung to as a drowned rat clings to a stalk of grass.

I know not how long I lay there, only that some time after, it was quiet, and I was alone in the middle of a cold, dark sea.

What slow torture was this? I escaped the storm, only to die of the coldness, as I could already feel my body succumbing to it. I raised my head, a little, and could see nothing by the faint starlight, could hear nothing save the gentle lap of the waves, now mild and calm, against my poor little raft.

Or was that.. no. Yes.

Far off, so distant I swayed between thinking I imagined it, and truly hearing.. the rhythmic shuffle of surf, curling it's liquid embrace across sand, and rock, and earth.

What is it, in us, that drives us towards life? Life is a hard thing, full of pain, and sorrow, and loss, and yet… we cling to it just as I clung to my bit of wood, loathe to leave it. Slowly, I nudge my body towards the sound, the movement bringing a tiny measure of warmth to my limbs.

How long did I thus go? The Lady only knows.. I do not. It seemed like days.. though the soft gray of the coming dawn was just tinting the sky as my body started to give out, the icy cold taking my strength at last, and I just floated.

A nudge, and I managed to open one, salt encrusted eye, blinking to clear it. My throat was so dry it ached, and drawing breath hurt. I stared into the faint mist, just barely making out something solid ahead of me.

A body, and somehow I found in my body the energy to reach out, and touch the water sodden fabric. My fingers tighten, and the body rolls towards me, senseless.

I can scarcely believe the evidence of mine eyes, as the grudging light reveals to me the pale features, drawn and bloody, of the Northern leader who destroyed my family.

I am shamed to say.. I was glad to see her, the faintest movement of her chest causing a flood of relief in me that I scarcely understood. At least.. I wasn't alone. I closed my eyes, and hung on, feeling the warmth of her body against mine as we drifted nearer and nearer to the sound of the waves, and, at last, felt rough sand scrape against my legs as we came to an alien shore.

Continued in Part 2

Standard Disclaimer - These characters, most of them, belong to Universal, and Renaissance Pictures, and whoever else has a stake in Xena: Warrior Princess. This is written just in fun, and no copyright infringement was intended.

Specific Story Disclaimers:

Violence –Oh yes.. there is violence. This is a combination story, and includes both Uber Xena sections, and Regular Xena sections. Regardless of time period, or current incarnation, our lovable Xena does tend to be a violent person. So, we have slicing and dicing, and crunching of bones… but no emasculation in this one.

I think.

Subtext - Subtext.. there's a debate going on at this point as to whether subtext is subtext or just plain maintext nowadays on the series. At any rate, this story does involve women who are in love with each other.. so if that puts your undies in a wad, please go choose something nice out of the general fiction area. There's lot's of good stories there.

And while we're on the subject, if you do read past the above warning, and are offended by the love described in the story, email me your snail mail address, so I can send you some German chocolate cake, OK? I feel horrible for you.

UberXena - Ok - this story contains characters of the Uber Xena genre. Some folks don't like to read that. There are sections of two characters that showed up in a previous story of mine (Bound) and they'll be mixed with sections involving our old friends, Xena and Gabrielle. Just want to warn you, OK? OK.

 Any and all comments are always welcome. You can email them to:

mailto:merwolf@worldnet.att.net

Reflections from the Past - Part 2

By Melissa Good

Pace, pace pace. "Y'know, Ares… sometimes, I just want to kill her." Pace pace pace. "It's not like we needed lunch, it's not like we just didn't have six apples, two mugs of tea, and some cider, right?"

"Roo." The wolf looked up at her and poked his tongue out.

"Right." Pace pace pace. "Neither of us is in any danger of starving to death, today. Right?"

"Roo." Ares agreed.

"Right." Pace pace pace. "Of course, it's all my fault, I know. I should know better by now not to mention something like.. 'Gee…I'd really like some of mom's fish stew.' In front of her, right?"

"Arghhrroo." That a sigh of agreement, as the black wolf put his head down on his extended front paws.

"You said it." Gabrielle stopped pacing, and mindlessly rearranged things on the table. "Dammit, Ares..where is she?" Xena had been gone far too long, on what was supposed to be a short trip up to the inn, after she dutifully, and against Gabrielle's protests tugged on a pair of leggings and her heavy tunic and cheerfully challenged the horrible weather outside. "Stubborn.. that's what she is, Ares, stubborn… she does that just to be perverse, you know that?"

The wolf's ears drooped, and he settled down on his haunches with a sigh, keeping his nose pointed towards the door.

"All right.. all right… let's just keep things in perspective here, Gabrielle. She's a big girl. It's not that far to the inn.. maybe she just got involved in talking with mom.. or Toris.. or maybe something needed doing up there.. she can take care of herself, remember?" She resumed her restless movement. "C'mon.. just relax, all right?" She flinched as the wind blew a limb against the cabin, making the building shudder in response. "Great." She muttered, feeling her gut tense up.

"I should have been able to argue her out of this, Ares." She sat down next to the wolf and put an arm across his dark shoulders. Her eyes found the floor, and she traced a bit of the woodgrain with one fingertip. "I shouldn't have yelled at her." She rested her head against Ares'. "I always do that.. you'd think I'd know by now the one way to get her to do something is to yell at her about it."

"This was really a stupid time to keep something from me." She'd cursed, as her fumbling fingers worked at catches in the warrior's armor, trying to pull it way from a body suddenly grown weak and stumbling.

"I didn't know how much poison was on that dart.." The warrior's halfhearted protest, as she tried to help, but finally just let her arms drop to her sides.

"Xena, it doesn't matter! If there was even a chance of your being sick, you should have told me! You could have gotten killed!!!" Gabrielle's anger had made her voice nervous and sharp.

"Gabrielle." The strain in Xena's voice had stopped her cold. "Yell at me later."

That tone had frightened her, and so had the shivers she could see making their insidious way over the stricken warrior's body. She was so used to Xena being capable.. in command.. of herself, of the situation… seeing her this helpless triggered a skittish panic in Gabrielle's gut that brought nervous words to her lips. "How bad is it?"

"I..I still don't know." Xena replied quietly. "My legs are pretty much useless.. I can't feel my feet. My arms'll probably go next."

She'd stared at her own hands, willing them not to shake. "You're going to pull through, though.." She took a sudden breath. "Right?" No answer. "It's not.."

Silence, in which she could hear the murmurs of the villagers preparing for battle, and the quick, nervous strike of the blacksmith's hammer outside. She looked up into those blue eyes, willing her to speak, to reassure.

"It's going to get worse before it gets better." Xena finally said, with a quiet sigh.

Her, impersonate Xena? It was an insane idea.. but those blue eyes had captured hers, and pleaded in silence and she'd reluctantly agreed, anxious to do something.. anything to ease the quiet, growing desperation she saw in Xena's face.

"I want you to ride in, and out of there." Xena had said, adjusting a buckle, a faint glint of appreciative amusement in her eyes at the awkwardness in Gabrielle's.

"Oh..no.. riding.. that means Argo. She hates me." Gabrielle had protested, jumping a little as an armor bit pinched her.

"She doesn't hate you." Xena replied, lifting her sword over the girl's head, and shoving it home into its scabbard. "Didn't you tell me you had a pony once?"

Gabrielle felt the weight of it almost pulling her backwards, and she lifted an uncertain hand over her shoulder to feel its presence. Oh gods.. she'd thought.. what in Hades am I doing? I probably can't even lift that thing. "Yeah.. I did." She answered, with a faint smile. "Tympani."

Xena let her hands drop to her sides, obviously exhausted. "Did you.. leave Tympani with your..sister?"

Her eyes had clouded in memory. "No.. no.. actually.. he.. got really sick one day." Her gaze flicked anxiously to Xena's pale face. "I thought he was going to get better but… that’s.. what happens to things you love." She remembered the morning she'd walked into the barn, and seen his still, unmoving body. "They just leave you."

A hand fell on her shoulder, warming even through the layers of leather and brass between them, and she looked up, to meet those deep, blue eyes, gazing back at her with poignant understanding.

There was such a gulf between them, but every day it seemed, another faint, thin strand was being thrown across the chasm, giving her yet another fascinating peek behind the warlord's dark mask. What had started out to be a harebrained adventure had become, in many ways, a journey down a road she had never imagined, and she had found herself lately becoming more comfortable with the road, and the companion who chose to travel it with her.

She hadn't wanted the journey to end, so soon after it had begun, and that, maybe, was why it had hit her so hard, coming back… after she'd done the impossible, and escaped from the warlord's clutches, running back into the factory almost into Salmoneous' waiting arms.

And he'd stopped her, his always genial face tense and upset.

"What?" She'd stammered, very softly, looking into his face. Seeing the grief, and knowing in her heart it could only have one source.

The villagers had silently cleared a path for her, to a silent pallet, where a body was covered by a coarse, brown blanket.

She never remembered walking over to it. Just.. there she was, dropping to her knees in a soft clash of armor, her hands gripping the sides of the pallet to keep herself upright.

A hand.. was is hers? Twitched the blanket aside and revealed that utterly still, pale face. Silent. Lifeless. Motionless as Xena's face never was, there always being some movement, of an eye, a brow, an ear. Aching, she lifted a trembling hand and touched a soft eyelid, feeling not even the faintest motion underneath.

No. Her fingers brushed the soft, dark hair out of the warrior's closed eyes. No.. no.. not yet. You promised you'd be here when I got back.. remember? Please? Xena?

Salmoneous had settled at her side, but she ignored him, gently arranging the long, thick locks of hair over Xena's bare shoulder. How wonderful it felt, silken.. in a motion she would never have dared use had the warrior been alive to see it.

So.. her mind numbly realized. I guess the journey ends.. here…for her. She leaned over, recognizing the scent of leather, and herbs, and spice that she always associated with Xena, and letting it fill her lungs. Remembering her. It hurts, Xena. Oh gods.. it hurts to lose you.

Closer, and her lips brushed the warrior's cooling cheek, pressing there for a long, heartfelt moment before she rocked forward, and let her head rest against Xena's, in grief.

How can I say goodbye to you? We barely knew each other.. and it feels like I'm losing a part of myself. You became so important to me in so short a time.. Xena.. I'll miss you so.

The tree hadn't deserved what she'd done to it, but it seemed the only outlet she could find.. for the raw rage..and pain.. she never even felt the sting of the staff's impact against the wood… or the raw scraping of the bark against her back as she slid down it, to curl up in an aching ball at it's base.

"Sorry, Ares." The bard wiped her eyes with an irritated hand, and brushed the sparkling tears off his coat. "I'm just being silly, I guess." She rubbed his ear, then blew in it.

"Arggrrooo." He protested, shaking his head rapidly, then chewing on her fingers. She wrestled with him for a few minutes, then wrapped her arms around his warm body and laid her head down against his side, letting her eyes rest reluctantly on the candle she was using the mark the time. "Guess I'd better get busy doing.. something."

Standing up, she brushed herself off and moved the two chairs aside, clearing herself some floor space. "Might was well get some sparring in, right, Ares?"

"Roo." The wolf cleared out of her way, as soon as he spotted her retrieving her staff from the corner. He'd learned the hard way that his mommy's toy was not a good chew thing. The white fur had been tasty, though. "Arrgrrrrr…"

"Yeah, yeah." Gabrielle muttered, as she went through her warm-up routine. "Ouch." She winced. "Look who's talking about rusty." She muttered as she moved the wrong way and caught her shin with the staff. But it smoothed out after a while, and she was able to complete several rounds in fairly good form.

"Ugh." She grimaced, dropping to a knee and sweeping the staff in a reverse move. "That used to be easier." She completed the move and straightened, then whipped around and slammed the staff against a support beam in a neat backhand move. "But that wasn't so bad."

"All right." She finally said, giving Ares a dour look. "You can come out now, chicken." This to the wolf as she came to a standstill in the center of the cabin, curling a hand around her staff and leaning on it.

Two furry ears poked out from under the bed. "Roo?"

"Yeah, you." She put the staff away in it's corner, and gave the door a worried look. "Come on.. get out from under there."

A black nose wriggled at her, but stayed put. "Arrrrghrooo."

"Stubborn. Just like your mother." Gabrielle swore, as she dove under the bed and grappled with him, grabbing his paws and tugging. "Come on.. Ares!!"

He scrambled backwards, and she tugged harder, rolling over onto her back and scooting further under the bed, then freezing in place as a cold draft blew across her legs. Uh oh.

It stopped, and a low, rolling chuckle came to her ears. Oh.. Bacchae breasts. Gabrielle cursed to herself. "Xena?" She realized what a picture she must be making half stuck out under the bed and groaned. "Now.. this isn't what it looks like. "

A warm weight suddenly settled across her hips, pinning her in place. "Oh… really?" She felt the fabric of her shirt move, and a cool draft sent goosebumps up her belly as it was exposed. "That's.. too bad." Xena's voice was rich with playful mischief, and the bard could feel the coldness of her clothing warm as their body's heat combined.

Oh… no… "Xena… now.. don’t' you get any cute ideas.. ok?"

"Cute?" Xena repeated, running one light fingertip across her belly, making her muscles tense. "Oh.. I don't get many.. cute… ideas." She ran her hand down the thin line of crossed, almost colorless hairs that marked the middle of the bard's stomach, then circled her navel playfully, watching the muscles twitch just under the skin as the bard fought off an attack of the giggles. "Mmmm…" The warrior traced a meandering line across the soft surface. "Although you do inspire them."

"Xena?" The bard's voice drifted faintly out, muffled as she tried to stifle a wild giggle.

"Hmmm??" The warrior answered, continuing her gentle exploration, grinning as she watched her partner's chest heave as her fingers hit a particularily ticklish spot just under her ribcage. "Oh.. I like that noise." The bard had let a tiny, piteous groan esacape.

"Uh.. there's.. this.. well..I know how protective of me you are.. right???" Gabrielle's voice broke twice, as her partner took a gentle nibble against her skin and the sensations crossed teasingly between ticklish and sensual.

"Oh.. yeah.. you bet." Xena replied, running a finger along the bard's ribcage, then down her side. "Nobody's gonna get within spitting distance of you out here, I promise." She felt Gabrielle's thigh muscles tense, and reached behind the bard's leg, running a light touch up the back of her thigh.

"Augh!" Came the muffled groan. "Xena! There's.. uh.. there's this dust bunny..OK? And.. uh.. he's gonna eat me… uh… he's got big teeth..and these weird.. glowing.. kinda … oh.. gods.. stop that!!!!" She paused, struggling. "Please???"

Xena grinned, and relented, rolling off Gabrielle's hips, and catching her under the knees, tugging her out from under the bed gently.

Gabrielle ducked out from under the bed and glared at her. "I.. am.. going.. to .. get.. you.. for .. that." She growled through clenched teeth, then launched herself at her laughing partner and took them both to the floor in a heap. She had the advantage, because Xena still had on her heavy outer cloak, and got tangled in it, giving her the opportunity to get a solid hold on the larger woman and clasp her hands together, rendering Xena motionless. "Gotcha." She panted in triumph. "Now.. where in Hades were you?"

"You wanted fish stew." Xena replied patiently, not moving. "Mom was short of a few things."

"Like?" Gabrielle questioned, not letting up on her hold.

"Fish." Her partner answered. "Well.. that kind."

"Xena. You are not going to tell me you went fishing." The bard leaned close, and whispered in her captive's ear.

"Ok, I'm not." The warrior replied amiably. "You wanna let me up now? It's getting kinda hard to breathe."

"Heh." Gabrielle smirked. "I really gotcha this time, don’t I.. .you can't get loose." And that was a first…though she'd been getting much better at wrestling lately.. since they'd been using it as a convienient substitute for their more usual outdoor activities.

Xena gazed at her, letting the faintest of smiles touch her lips. "Not without hurting you, no."

The bard thought about that for a minute. "Oh." She let the warrior go, rubbing the places she'd held her gently. "Sorry." Her eyes flicked to the table. "That's a pot of fish stew, Xena."

The warrior nodded slowly. "Yep." She paused, remaining where she was, flat on her back on the rug. "You still mad at me?" That in a joking tone, but there was a wistful color behind it that touched Gabrielle, and she responded by laying her head down on her partner's chest, and winding her arms around her, this time with a quiet gentleness.

"I love you." She said, softly, smiling as he heard the heartbeat under her ear catch and go on.

"I love you too, my bard." Xena answered quietly, smiling a little. "So.. what have you two been up to while I was gone?"

Gabrielle tightened her grip and let out a contented sigh. "Me and Ares.. we were, kinda talking, you know? And we were just kinda wondering where you'd got off to."

"You were, huh?" Xena nibbled her hair and returned the hug. "Mmm… you ready for more scrolls?" She suddenly raised her head. "Where is Ares?"

Gabrielle rolled up to a sitting position, and pushed her hair back out of her face. "Under the bed."

The warrior bounced to her feet, and offered Gabrielle a hand up. "Oh.. so.. how'd the sparring go?" She gave the bard a teasing grin as she dumped a pair of bowls and two spoons on the table next to the stew.

"Haven't been doing enough of it." Gabrielle sighed, as she scooped out two portions of the fragrant stuff. "Hit myself a dozen times.. I can't remember the last time I felt so clumsy."

Xena carried the two bowls over to the fire, and set them down on the low table, seating herself, and waiting for the bard to settle back against her before she handed her one and took the other. "You'll get caught back up." She commented, unconcerned. "Besides, this isn't the best place to do that.. the ceiling and all the obstacles probably caused you some problems."

Gabrielle chewed on a bit of carrot and swallowed. "You trying to make me feel better?" She accused, pointing at her partner with the spoon.

"Yep." Xena mumbled around a mouthful, as she pulled the next scroll over, and started to examine it. "Got a problem with that, bard?"

"Nope." Gabrielle sighed happily. "It worked." She settled down, as Xena cleared her throat, and started to read.

My first thought was of thirst, strange, since submerged half in water I was, my fingers half dug into the rough, grainy sand of the beach I lay on.

I was loathe to move.. my body felt as though horses had run over it, but I force mine eyes open, and blink away the salt to see pale daylight, and hazy clouds overhead.

I was alone.

The gulls circle over endlessly, as I gathered my strength to pull myself up out of the water, and higher up onto the beach. The warm sand felt good against my body, and I rested there for long moments, until the maddening tinkle of water flowing drew me like a moth to a candle.

I dragged myself towards it, finally almost plunging myself into it's coldness unseen, as the small stream emerged from the thick undergrowth, and slid serpentlike for the sea.

Lady.. the sweetness of tha t water matched the finest ales ever served at my father's table. I drank until I was filled to busting, then burrowed into the fragrant greens and washed my body over, cleansing it from the sea's stiff embrace.

Long moments I rested, letting the blessed sounds of the land soak into my ears, long used to the ceaseless whispers of the sea. I exulted in the birdsong, and the crickets edgy warbling, and in the smell of rich green leaves and deep brown earth that rose about me in a wonderful pool of memories.

I keened for Rhun, and my fellow slaves, and thought not for the Northerners, for deserved of this I kenned them. Was that evil, my Lady? Seabourne they are, so that the sea took them.. I am content.

My eyes turned seaward, and a motion distracted me. I turned my head to see a lone, spare figure following my ragged tracks and knew it was my Northern captor. Searching for her slave, was she? Her eyes spotted me now, half hidden as I was in leafy green and I looked back at her, outlined against the sun like the Ban Sidhe themselves.

Did I hate her? My Lady, I was too tired to care between my choices. She came close, and I saw she had her axe in hand, but she held it outwards, and did not threaten me with it. Closer still, and I could see the bruises on her skin, and then she knelt before me, gazing at me with eyes as colorless as the hazy sky above us.

She was strange to me, but this land was stranger, and at least.. at least here were one more pair of eyes that had seen my homeland, though that might be the only thing we shared between us. I waited, for her to make her feelings known to me, knowing her kind, knowing she would feel the need to control.

But, like the land, we Kelti know how to bend a knee, while taking a soul.

"Ardwyn." Her voice was strained, as though she had been yelling, and I had a hazy memory of her doing so during the storm.

"Ja?" I answered softly.

"Frels." An ironic tilt to her fair head. Free. Aye, Lady, I suppose I was.

"Ja." I acknowledged her sentence, lifting my hand and pointing about. "Frels."

She nodded slowly, and gazed at her axe, her face a solemn mask. I waited. After a peaceful silence, she looked up at me, her voice betraying nothing of what she felt. "Koma?" Ashrug of one shoulder, indicating she cared not whether I chose to come… or stay.

But.. looking at her, my eyes saw one thing, and my hear saw yet another. Or.. was I just fooling myself, and seeing what I, in my loneliness, wanted to see? No matter, in a land as strange at this one, better two, even two who are enemies, than one alone.

"Ja." I replied, into that green silence. "Var er gang, e gang.." A simple thought, I knew not why she smiled at it. Slowly, I put my hand on a tree's rough skin, and pulled myself up, and she stood to join me.

Lady, she was long.. I had never stood by her side thus, my head barely at her shoulder, but I followed, as she silently led the way further in, as the green ferns closed about us and painted the air with their rich fragrance. At each step, I left my past further behind, felt it fade into the darkling past, and forced my eyes to forward go, determined to meet the challenges of this new land since my heart knew I would no more see my own.

Xena stopped reading, and laughed a soft, surprised laugh, her finger tracing some of the words on the page. "Damn." She cursed quietly.

"What?" Gabrielle said, from her very comfortable position, curled up against Xena's chest. "What's so funny?"

"This.. the translation of what she said.. " The warrior shook her head. "You won't believe it."

The bard bent her fair head forward, and glanced. "What.. the e gang stuff? What is it?"

Xena smiled, and watched her face. "She said.. 'where you go, I go."

Gabrielle's eyebrows shot up. "No way!" A quick glance at Xena's face told her the warrior wasn't kidding. "That's really weird." She paused. "Don't you think?"

"Mmm… yeah. I think." Xena confessed, studying the text thoughtfully, then taking a long look at Gabrielle's face. "Quite a coincidence."

The bard rubbed her nose, and studied the parchment. "Mmm." She chewed her lip. "I don't think she meant it the same way I do."

Xena thought about that. "Probably not." She replied, slowly. Not yet, anyway. She added in wry silence.

"So.." The bard tilted her head and gazed lovingly up at her partner. "You think Ardwyn was right? Did Elevown really want her to come along?"

Xena's eyes misted with memory for a long instant. "Yeah." Her lips quirked into a sudden, rueful grin. "I'd say she's right on there."

Gabrielle chuckled softly, and offered her up a bit of muffin, which Xena took neatly in her teeth and chewed. "Good for her."

This was a strange land I found myself in, with plants and creatures unknown to me, though skilled I was in kenning their kind, and uses. I watched Elevown stride before me, her axe held ready at her side, picking a path for us to follow, though I knew not where she led me.

And had no words to ask her, for my few bits of her language had come from the Northmen's crude jokes and orders, not many from her lips which seemed stiff with ill use.

Not a soul did we see, just rabbits, who scattered from out path in startled flight, and other small creatures whose forms were becoming familiar to mine eyes, though some were larger, and the colors were strange.

Awhistle, and I jerked, to see blood spattering, as her axe took life from an incautious rabbit, the white fur going crimson as it' twitched it's last on the green mossy surface.

I.. am not a sentimental sort.. but killing I like not, even beasts of the forest whose bodies go to feed mine own. Nonsense, I realize, knowing it is the Lady's wish that some creatures go to insure life for others, but I cannot help it. So I averted mine eyes, and suffered her scorn, as she stripped the beast of it's skin, and I turned aside to gather some small wood for a fire.

Ah, but here I found mine own contribution to a meal, round and bright, their form unfamiliar, but the smell of them.. oh, Lady.. that they smell so sweet, surely they are wholesome for a poor traveler to eat. I stripped a leaf from a nearby tree, and cupped a basket of it, filling it with the dark, shining fruits before returning to where I'd left her kneeling over her prey.

For that is how I thought of her, a predator, whose teeth and claws had rendered my family lifeless, and brought me far from home to this strange land. Dangerous, I kenned her, and yet…

And yet.

Eyes the color of fog looked up at me as I returned, and laid my sticks down, adding dried moss beneath them, and stopping there, in consternation.

I had no striker, and by the look in her eyes, nor did she. Another time might have found it comical, but now….

We looked at each other, and she spoke several words I knew to be curses, so I said a few of mine own, then, cautious, held out my leaf basket to her.

Suspicious, aye, she was, her eyes never leaving mine, as she carefully selected a fruit, bringing it close to her slim, straight nose, that twitched as it caught the sweet fragrance.

Curious now, she bit into it, jumping as, so filled with juice it was, it rushed out and covered her with rich crimson spots. I did not dare to laugh, her dignity forbade it, though my mouth ached with the holding of my mirth at her look. Instead, I captured a fruit of mine own, and chewed it, letting the juices burst inside my salt ravaged mouth.

Oh, Lady.. it was good. Sweet, and rich, with no sharpness to sting my lips, and I looked up, to see a grudging smile on her face that surely, surely matched mine. We finished the fruits, then I willingly took her to where I'd found them, and we ate them like children, until at last, sated, we sat quiet under the shade of a broad leafed tree and felt exhaustion overtake us.

She is stubborn, is this Northerner. We gathered what branches we could, and made a rude shelter, but she would not rest until she had ravaged half a league and found flint and striker, enough to scatter a few placed sparks into the moss, and breathe life into a fire to warm us.

Truly, I was grateful, as the slanting sunlight ran from us and the cool winds chilled me through. With eyes half-closing, we shared our small shelter, as the night sounds began to close in around us. Enemy though, I was glad of her company, as rustlings and hoots startled my senses, tucked as we were into our separate silences.

"Ardwyn." Her voice startled me.

"Ja?" I turned to her in caution, seeing the weariness written in her face, and knowing surely mine was it's mirror, here in this first time spent alone, in the middle of a strange forest, on foreign soil, with each other.

But she said nothing more, just nodded, a little, and rested her head against the fallen tree we sheltered under, letting her eyes close as though she were helpless to keep them open.

As was I, on this night.

Gabrielle laughed softly. "That's cute." She let out a satisfied sigh, and sat up, allowing her partner to stretch and move around. "Gods.. would you listen to that?" She cocked her head and winced, as the roof shuddered under the impact of hail. "Listen.. you are not going out in that again, all right?"

Xena gave her a lazy grin. "Sure.. whatever you say, bard." She reached out one hand and captured a bundle off the table, bringing it closer. "Guess it's a good thing I brought this back now then, huh?" My mother, trapped in a kitchen. Dangerous. Very dangerous. She pulled back a corner of the cloth and exposed the contents to the bard. Dangerous, but tasty. "Interested?"

"Oooo." Gabrielle grinned outright, as she crawled up her partner's chest and sniffed at the package. "That wouldn't be..oh.. nutbread, would it?"

"Maybe." The warrior teased, moving the package higher.

"Xena." The bard growled. "You're being mean."

That got her a half smile back. "Just how long do you think I can keep this away from you?" Xena challenged, with a wicked sparkle in her eyes.

Gabrielle kept silent, but settled back, her eyes softening and finding her partner's in gentle entreaty.

"Not fair." The warrior warned threateningly.

A sideways tilt of the head, and a wistful jutting of Gabrielle's lower lip followed.

"Aw Hades." Xena sighed, and handed over the bread. "I should know better by now." She watched in amusement as the bard tore into the package, breaking off a healthy sized chunk and biting into it happily. "You do love that stuff, don't you?" Then her lips twitched into a grin, as a certain memory struck her.

"You know I…" Gabrielle caught the expression. "What's that grin for?"

"Huh? Nothing." Xena tried to keep her face serious, but the memories wouldn't let her. "Just… thinking of.. that.. time. You remember. The sacrifice?"

Gabrielle rolled her mist green eyes. "Oh yeah… " She stuffed a bit of nutbread into the warrior's mouth. "The great… 'You were soooo funny Gabrielle.. but I won't tell you what you did' caper." She paused, and gave her partner a thoughtful stare. "I bet you made it all up."

Xena's eyebrows rose up to her hairline. "Me? Make things up?" She snorted softly. "Oh no.. YOU're the bard, kid." She prodded her in the belly. "I don't make things up."

"Ooof." Gabrielle protested softly. "C'mon.. Xena… are you ever going to tell me what it is I did? I really don't remember it." She trotted out her best wishing look, and let it loose on her defenseless partner.

Her heart pounding, as that damn woman's words penetrated her mind and she realized she'd sent out food, of all things, somewhere in Gabrielle's vicinity, that was very probably poisoned. Cursing, she'd flung herself out of the homestead, and bolted towards the cave, amazed, as always at how trouble seemed to go out of it's way to find her young friend.

Rounding the corner, she'd ducked inside the cave, scraping her shoulder against the wall and barely feeling it, hearing mostly her own heart beating, as her calls went unanswered. "Gabrielle???"

Aw Hades.. not again. She remembered groaning to herself. Damn that girl gets into more trouble than a…

And then she'd spotted the quiet, still form lying so carelessly on the hard rock floor. A few long strides, and she was thumping down in the dust next to her, cradling the girl's limp form in anxious arms. "Gabrielle?" Still breathing, thank the gods. "Hey.." She'd shaken Gabrielle gently, and felt resistance slowly inching its way back into the girl's body.

Hands had weakly grasped her wrists, and green eyes fluttered open, blinking at her several times before any real recognition showed. "Uh."

Xena had let out a relieved sigh, as she'd grabbed the girl by her shoulders still half supporting her, surprised when the bard showed no signs of wanting to have her let go. "You all right?"

"Oh.. yeah…I'm great…." The bard had warbled. "I can't see.. but.. other than that.. I'm good."

Xena felt the girl nestle closer, and her brow creased. "Try using both eyes." She had suggested dryly.

Slowly, two mist green orbs had disclosed themselves, gazing up at her dreamily. "Oh.. yeah.. that works." A warm smile appeared on the bard's face.

The lack of Iacus worried Xena. "Can you stand up?"

Gabrielle's eyes blinked solemnly. "You mean I'm not?"

Oh boy. She'd thought. We're in trouble here. "C'mon." She'd sighed, and lifted Gabrielle up bodily, holding the girl by the shoulders. "OK?"

Gabrielle had steadied herself, then glanced up. Her eyes had widened, and she'd stared at Xena as though… "By the gods." She'd breathed, alarming the warrior thoroughly.

"What is it?" Xena had snapped, glancing around worriedly, expecting Mallus and his soldiers any minute.

Gabrielle lost her balance and fell back down with a thump, resting her weight on her hands, and eyeing her companion with total absorption. "You are beautiful." The words came tumbling out of Gabrielle's mouth, by way of her henbane loosened sensibilities.

It had caught Xena flat footed, as very few things could. She hadn't expected.. that… kind of reaction from Gabrielle, especially since it was something coming from her gut level.. something she'd never have said otherwise. It brought a curious half grin to her face, as she studied the girl's sprawled body.

Which, she quietly noted, had somehow stopped being quite so girlish for some time now. Maybe it was that Amazon style outfit… yeah.. that must be it. Glad she got rid of that skirt thing. "You.. are drugged." She'd helped the bard up again, quietly dismissing the words.

Yeah, right. "With henbane, if I'm not mistaken.. so it's probably temporary.. " She took a moment to be outraged at herself for the faint, but perceptible tang of disappointment that statement evoked. "but we've got to.."

And Gabrielle had been gone.. strutting away and moving her arms around as though directing an Athens street band. "get you walking." Xena finished to herself, with a sigh. "Get back here." She strode after the bard, catching up with her and spinning her around. "I need you to focus."

Gabrielle had given her a saucy grin. "Sure… but it's a waste of time.." She meandered away, balancing on an invisible beam. "I've been walking since I was one."

Xena had been caught between frustration and amusement, half of her wanting to shake the young girl, the other half getting a guilty enjoyment out of her uninhibited play. "This isn't about walking, Gabrielle.. it's about Iacus.. remember him?"

The bard gave her a sunny grin. "Sure."

Xena had sighed, and gripped her companion's face and forced her to look into her eyes. "Gabrielle.. where is Iacus?"

The bard's hands had come up and firmly gripped her shoulders. "I don't know.. where?"

Frustration got the better hand. "I'm asking YOU!!!" She'd shaken Gabrielle a bit.

The bard had broken free.. and wandered further in the cave. "Iacus… Iacus!!" Then she'd turned, and gazed at Xena with frightened, anguished eyes. "I can't.. I lost him! " Bewildered, she collapsed on a nearby rock, distraught. "I lost Iacus."

Xena had crossed to her, and knelt. "Gabrielle.. it's all right." A hand on her shoulder, and the bard turned her attention on her fully.

"I lost Iacus!" The girl wailed, and wrapped arms around a surprised Xena's neck, seeking comfort.

Xena had allowed herself a long moment of wistful reciprocation, gaining a curious warmth in the knowledge that she was seeing a side of Gabrielle that was completely open, completely uninfluenced by her own dour attitude. The girl really felt that way about her.. it was.. kind of nice. "It's all right.. Gabrielle. He probably saw you pass out, and went for his mother." She'd soothed the agitated bard.

Then she'd stood, and prepared to go. Startled, when the bard popped up, and charged ahead, calling for the rocks in the cave to follow her. Oh boy. "Gabrielle.. I've got a better idea."

Hands firmly on the bard's shoulders, staring intently into her eyes. "I'll go get Iacus… and you.. " her eyes roved the cavern. "And the others.. can…" She ran out of inspiration.

"Practice our song." Gabrielle helpfully supplied, clasping her arm. "Right… good idea." The bard slung a friendly arm around Xena's shoulders, and let her further away from the rocks. "Just between you and me.. the altos are a little flat."

Xena had smothered a grin. "Right." She'd nodded seriously, then focused intently on the bard again. "Gabrielle.."

Eyes flew to hers, and the bard's face lit up, with willing good nature.

"Now.. don't you let.. " Xena had let her eyes rove the cave again. "ANYONE leave the cave, all right?"

A breathless nod.

"Did I make myself clear?" The warrior had insisted, wanting to get this part down pat.

Gabrielle had studied her critically. "No.. you're a little fuzzy around the edges." She slurred, patting Xena's hands lightly. "But you keep practicing.. you'll get it." Then she'd turned her back on the warrior, and strutted over to the rocks, arranging them into a choral pattern, waving her hands and directing them with an amazing amount of energy.

Xena spared a long moment just to watch her, and felt a soft chuckle bubble up, despite the situation. She's never gonna believe she did this.

"I don't believe I did that." Gabrielle stated, flatly. Then she peeked at her partner, who was lying flat on her back, head on hands, gazing at the ceiling. "No way."

Xena rolled her head towards the bard, and gave her a look. "Told you." She sniffed reflectively. "Gods.. were you ever cute though."

Gabrielle groaned. "Xena, that is not cute.. it's embarrassing." She got up, and fussed with the things on the table. "I didn't… um.. "

The warrior glanced at her. "Didn't mean that stuff?" She finished quietly. "Gabrielle.. you were pretty out of it.. I didn't.. take any of that stuff seriously."

A long silence settled between them, as the bard studied the piece of parchment on the table. Then she looked up, and smiled ruefully. "You probably should have." She finally said, softly. "I wish I'd had the courage to say those things.. do those things without the henbane." Another pause, then she went on much quieter. "I wanted to."

"Did you?" Came the answer, on a faintly hoarse note.

"Oh.. gods.. yeah." Gabrielle admitted, resting her elbows on her knees, and watching her hands clasp and unclasp themselves. "There were times… " Her eyes closed. "I'd see you hurting.. or.. just when things were going lousy.. " A sigh escaped her. "You don't know how many times I had to talk myself out of walking over to you and wrapping my arms around you."

Silence again. "I.. felt the same way." Xena finally admitted quietly. "I just didn't think…I mean.." She just stopped, and lifted a hand, then let it drop to the floor. "I look back and kick myself a lot."

Gabrielle dropped down and joined her, laying her head on Xena's stomach, and rolling onto her side so she could see her partner's face. "Don't." She stated, simply. "It doesn’t matter." She pulled over the next scroll, to capture Xena's attention. "Look at this one.. if I'm reading the first line right, it's when they found that cave."

Xena allowed herself to be distracted, and studied the page, then gave her partner a warm smile. "Right on." She laid a hand on the bard's cheek, feeling the muscles curve under it as Gabrielle returned the smile. "Good work.. see? You're getting it.. you won't need me soon."

The reaction startled her, as Gabrielle whipped the scroll out of her fingers, and arched her body up, until she was perched over Xena's chest, eyes boring into hers with stern intent. "Hey?!" Xena blinked. "What'd I do?"

The bard's face stayed serious. "You said a very stupid thing."

The warrior's face was a study in consternation. "Um.. I didn't.. "

Gabrielle's brow furrowed. "No.. you always do that… say stuff like that. I hate it." She took an angry breath. "Not need you? Not even as a joke, Xena."

Blue eyes gazed back in wide-eyed startlement. "Gabrielle… " A deep breath. "Sorry.. I.. didn't mean anything like that, all right?"

"Not even as a joke, Xena." The bard repeated quietly. "I very much want to need you."

"Not even as a joke." The warrior repeated seriously. "I understand." Hesitantly, she lifted a hand, and combed the red gold hair out from the bard's green eyes. "I promise."

And at that, Gabrielle finally relaxed, and let herself collapse, sprawling over her partner's body. "Ok." Now she handed the scroll back, and nuzzled Xena's skin, feeling the warmth through her shirt. "Didn't meant to yell."

Xena let out a held breath, and tucked the whirl of emotions away for later study. That.. she'd have to think about. "Right.." She let her eyes scan the page. "Here we go."

Morning's light found us wakeful, though I at least regretted the dawn's pinkening. Lady, I was sore.. my body felt as though I had been ridden roughshod over by a herd of wild cattle, there was no nook nor cranny of it that didn't ache.

My Northern companion had stirred up before me, and was crouching over the smoldering fire, working at the rabbit she'd killed the night before, and she turned to eye me well, handing back a portion of the scorched flesh.

Aye.. my stomach turned at the smell of it, but her eyes on me were hard and I feared to turn her down, for surely she thought to do me a good deed in the giving.

So I took it, and under her watchfulness, took a bite of the stuff, willing myself not to disgrace the gift, and curiously, my body accepted it, though whether it was due to sheer hunger or just the strangeness of the situation I couldn't tell.

A moon's length on that boat.. I am sadly depleted, and feel as though most of my strength has leaked from me, drawn by the sickness of the seas and the rough labor. So I ate this half burned, half-raw stuff, trying to swallow it without the tasting, watching Elevown gaze at me with those colorless eyes. She ate her portion with rude elegance, feeding the fire it's bones, and gazing off into the forest for a long, peaceful moment.

I considered my plight, which the daylight showed harsh, and plain. I sat her, in this strange land with no tools, no.. anything. Just my hands, and the unknown skills of this Northerner, who might, at any moment, decide to go her own way and leave me on my own.

Lady.. I was afraid.. of the thought of being left alone, I thought then. It was only later I realized I had stopped looking on her as an enemy, though it would be a gentle swath of time before I would think her a friend.

Late morning caught us pushing through a thick patch of forest, and I found my energy waning, watching her stride ahead as though the wind carried her, a wind that seemed bound and determined to push me back away. I slowed my steps, and felt my breath catch, as a friendly tree lent its bark to my questing hand.

She must have heard my footsteps falter, for she turned, and gazed at me, putting her head on one side. I made a motion for her to go on.. knowing no sense for both of us to lack progress, though feeling an ache inside I kenned had little to do with the walking.

But no. . she overwhelmed my expectations, and walked back along the rough path she'd gutted, her even paces a little rolling, as though a ship still pitched beneath her. She stopped before me, and took a hold of my chin unasked, tuning my face to the light as I blinked in the brightness of it.

"Erfidr." Her voice held cool appraisal. Troublesome.. aye, I suppose I was.

"Er ganga." I answered, pulling my face from her grasp, for if I was weakened, whose fault was that? It was not I who wished to sail the endless seas a captive of her brutal kind. "You have enough done, slaughtering my family, and bringing me so far from my home." I finished in my own tongue, tired of trying to think I that odd, cold language.

Did I imagine it? I knew she kenned my tongue not, but the coldness grew colder in those eyes. Fool, I cursed myself, knowing only one soul in all this gods forgotten land and that one insulting.

"Saudajarmer." She spat out, disgust coloring the word, though it's meaning was known to me. A sheep's bleat. Then she turned on her heel, and was gone, and the silence of the forest closed down upon me.

I watched her fur clad form until the branches closed over it, helpless to fend off the feeling of discomfort her leaving started in me.

It was a long, and lonely stretch of time. I rested for a while, and collected some berries, which filled me slightly, then struggled on, not knowing barely where I was going, only knowing there was no shelter there in the forest. Darkness found me huddling beneath a rude canopy of leaves, too tired even to make a fire to warm me. I had found some nuts, and water.. but my body shivered from the cold until I wrapped my arms about myself and gazed achingly up at the stars.

How lonely the stars were.. as my mind cast back to times spent with my brothers and sisters matching the patterns, or long warm nights playing under their canopy.

No more, the wind sighed about me. You are alone in the world. Aye, Lady.. that hurt. The emptiness of the night woke an emptiness in my soul that echoed out in memories of those I had loved.. and lost.. as I sat there with the weight of the night bearing over me as it had not before, when others had been there to share its mysteries.

Mother. I miss your gentle hands. Your voice. My father's smile.

So empty it is, to cry here in this forsaken place, so far from home.

But what does home mean, now? A burned out patch of ground, and empty shadows. Faint echoes of laughter, of children.

No more.

The leaves rustled, and mine eyes searched the moon-slivered leaves, stilling on meeting another pair looking back at me.

Fangs clashed, and a grunt, a cough, of an inky shadow black against the trees, a nightmare shaped as a giant cat. A paw reached, and it moved towards me, and I felt my ending approach.

Was I grateful? Ay.. Lady.. you teach us to savor life.. to cling to it with tenacious strength.. but I cannot say in all good faith that I did not welcome the beast's oncoming darkness. It would be quick, more so than a slow wasting in this misty forest.. and I would, perhaps, become part of the Lady's plan, and serve to give another day's life to one of her creatures.

Closer it came, padding in silent ecstasy, devouring me with its golden eyes, and it's nostrils spread wide.

A pause, it's tail twitching as it crouched, and I closed mine eyes, and offered my soul up to my Lady in quiet peace.

A skittering of leaves, and still I waited. A body's leap.. and a sudden cough that brought my eyes, all unwilling, open wide, as the beast brushed by me, and crashed into the branches.

A ghostly weight curling over its shoulders, a ringing laugh spearing the shadows, and my mind whirled in the knowledge that the Lady had intervened.

Or more truthfully, Elevown had, as she bore the cat to the ground, and set her ax to it's growling throat, drenching the both of us in rich, warm blood.

The harsh tang of that smell would be with me until my dying day, mixed fair with the mossy scent of the ferns I sheltered in, and the sight of the Northerner rising up off her conquest, laughing up into the uncaring sky.

She faced me, the moonlight painting her in stripes of silver and shadow, and reflecting off the parts of her blade not covered in blood.

A step, and she was by my side, a motion, and her face was even with mine, and her eyes were searching with serious intent. She lifted a hand and touched a fingertip to my face, absorbing a tear onto her skin in the breathless silence that joined us.

Lady, I could not make myself hate her, no, not even were you to stand by my side and entreat me. She had saved my life, for reasons known best to her and kneeling there, our breaths mingling, she took something from me that I did not miss until long after. "Er coma?" Her voice sounded lazy, and amused.

Why? No words passed my lips, but my face must have said it, for she gave her shoulders a lift and stood, watching me.

Surely the cat was not alone.. to stay would mean peace, in a little while. To go with her.. meant choosing pain, and struggle. Meant choosing life, for though there were but two of us, two will sometimes survive when one will not.

I looked up into her eyes, seeing suddenly past the coldness, and realized she was as alone in the world as I was, in this place.

I chose life.

And with my weary rising to join her, my imagination thought it for an instant found a gladness behind that mask. Aye or nay, we went.

A long trail, and uphill it was, after Elevown skinned her prey, slipping long finger through the silky fur with sensual pleasure. We climbed, she eagerly, I determined, until a high shelf fell under my worn, tattered boots, and the cold wind curled itself around me as we stood before a rock face, it's sheer, silvery white broken by a dully darkened opening.

Elevown took up the torch she'd left burning by it, and ducked her head inside, as I followed. The shifting, fluttering torchlight showed me a small cavern, with the darker stain of a further passage against the back wall, and a floor covered with thin rock shards that skittered under our steps like trickling water.

Home. For now. Shelter at least, it was, getting us out of the wind and cold, and providing some small shelter from beasts. Elevown's eyes found mine own as we settled wearily against one wall, watching each other with curious intent.

Until sleep overcame us, and the gray mists came down to give peace until the burning dawn called us once again into life's arena.

Life's arena, huh? Xena mused, as she took in an appreciative breath of the cold, bright morning air. Not bad. She decided, as she dodged a low hanging leafless branch, lengthening her stride slightly as the ground began to slant upward.

The sun was just barely over the horizon, and lanced the occasional warm spear through the trees that caught her running form as she settled into a comfortable rhythm, on a well known path. It was a favorite run of hers, down through the barren fields and alongside the river, then up into the rugged hills at a pace calculated to extend her body's resources, and give her muscles a good workout. After much experimentation, she'd found that these early morning runs best served to keep her at a level of conditioning she was comfortable with.. in combination with some light drilling, and the sparring sessions she shared with Gabrielle.

She wasn't razor sharp.. and she knew it. But the lazy winter months had provided benefits that more than made up for a few lost steps in her opinion. She'd paid that price willingly, getting in return a measure of peace that had allowed her to, at least for a little while, put her past behind her and just..live.

She knew it wouldn't last forever.. hence she'd made sure not to let her skills slip past a certain point. But just the ability to sprawl peacefully in front of the fireplace with her soulmate all these long nights, without her senses geared to a fever pitch, alert for the faintest sound, the barest hint of danger… had been a very welcome reprieve.

The storm had finally petered out late the night before, and they'd woken up to a welcome dose of warmer weather, warm enough, in fact, for Xena to successfully argue her way out of the cabin in just her leathers, which had been… a little chilly when she'd first started out, but now the cool wind was welcome against skin warmed by her exercise.

"Hey Ares.. c'mon, keep up." She called the busily sniffing wolf, leaning forward a little as the path began to steepen and she cheerfully threw more energy into her run, letting the wind blow her hair back off her face as the dead leaves scattered from under her boots. Gods.. does this ever feel good. She sighed happily. An entire winter of rest and relaxation, and could she ever feel it now, in the resilient springiness in her step, and the almost uncontrollable flow of energy that seemed to be bubbling up out of her like water in a spring.

I needed this. She admitted to herself, reluctantly, having finally understood just how much damage she'd inflicted on her body over the last ten years or so when she'd woken up one morning, and realized it was the first time she could remember not having anything hurt. Nothing.. not even the residual stiffness in her shoulders that she'd been suffering for what seemed like forever. I'd been coping with it so damn long.. I didn’t' know what to do with myself.

Two long strides, and an easy leap over a narrow gash in the hillside, where rain had carved a knife's wound in the muddy turf, and Xena grinned fiercely as a few more steps took her up and over a rock escarpment, and she tucked her body into a neat flip before landing with a little bounce and heading up the slope again. Yeah. She mused thoughtfully. I feel… her lips quirked wryly. Younger. It was as though she was taking tiny steps backward from who she was, towards the person she had been.. before.

Before Caesar. Her mind delicately mouthed the name. Before she'd learned the hardest lessons, about trust, and honor. And love. I swore.. I'd never trust anyone with my heart again that way. She remembered with a wince. And I never did.. not really.. always kept that little wall up.. no, I wasn't gonna let anyone all the way into my heart, not me. Nope. And then that kid from Potadeia had come along.

She's just an annoying kid. Xena had firmly insisted to herself, pulling her cloak of irritable bad nature around her as she'd sat by the fire, glaring into it. She's here for the excitement, and the romance. How many times as she fallen in 'love' since she insisted on tagging along? Every damn boy we bump into, I can usually pick em in the first three minutes.

"Isn't he cute?" Gabrielle's breathlessly confiding voice echoed in her ears and she sighed, shaking her head over the shallowness of the bard's attractions. Yeah, sure, kid. Real cute. Her eyes flicked over to the young girl, curled up asleep on her bedroll on the other side of the fire. Her head rested on the curve of one arm, and her other hand was tucked up under her chin, fingers clenched. The fire's light caressed the girl's pale cheek, and Xena was annoyed to find her lips edging into a reluctant smile as she regarded Gabrielle's air of youthful innocence.

On the other hand, now.. the kid was… pretty cute herself. She admitted privately. More so than any of those little boys she fell in love with. She had a nice smile, and her eyes were really kind of.. they had little golden flecks in them, all kind of floating in all that green. Xena had surprised herself lately by noticing little things like that.. and she'd been telling herself that it was just a matter of idle curiosity on her part.

Yeah. Gabrielle’s not your type, Xena, not one bit, so keep your thoughts elsewhere. She's a good, decent, nice.. sweet.. girl, who's gonna take off with one of these cute boys we keep bumping into and that'll be that. She'd told herself firmly. And I'll be better off.. glad when it happens.

She’d already taken off twice.. it was only a matter of time, right? If not home, or the Academy.. then a guy, and a family was in the girl’s future, no doubt about it. She was.. getting to be a pretty decent cook after all, and she had a relentlessly upbeat attitude that sometimes even managed to nudge Xena into a good mood, especially lately. She'd made someone a good wife, right?

The warrior chewed her lip, thinking about that. Damn.. had it almost been a year? No.. couldn’t be.. But it had been. A year of adventures, and trouble, and… She sighed. And a slow, grudging erosion of her carefully erected wall of indifference. Damn that kid.

"Hey." Movement from across the fire, and she'd looked up to see the girl sitting up, and regarding her with sleepy eyes. "Um.. " Scrambling unsteadily to her feet, the girl had come around the fire, and crouched down at Xena's side. "Everything ok?"

"Fine." Had come the curt reply "Go back to sleep." And she'd seen the sucked intake of breath as Gabrielle absorbed her cold tone, as the girl wrapped her arms around herself and dropped her gaze to the dirt. Damn.. Xena cursed to herself. I’ve been doing that for days. What in Hades is wrong with me?

"Um.. ok. Sure.. well.. it's just you had this strange look on your face.. I wasn't.. " Her shoulders dropped, and she sighed softly. "Never mind." She stood, and went back to her bed, curling back up on her side, and shielding her face from the fire with one arm.

She's trying to reach me. Xena had realized, gazing unhappily through the flames. Why? Her ears, far sharper than the girls, heard the not quite stifled sniffle. She's crying. The warrior had sighed silently. Now what? I swear.. it's easier to deal with an entire army than one little kid. But she'd picked herself up, and walked over to where Gabrielle was lying, kneeling down on the ground and giving her shoulder a rough shake. "Hey!"

The arm had slowly moved, exposing the girl's tear streaked face, and those remarkable, quiet eyes had looked right up into hers, and taken down every wall, every barrier she'd so painstakingly erected with breathtaking ease. "What's wrong?" She'd asked, consciously softening her voice.

"You really don't like me, do you?" Came the quiet question. "I know.. I just kind of pushed myself on you… you resent that. I'm sorry."

Xena had stared at her for a long, silent moment, suddenly ashamed. Of herself, of the way she'd been treating the kid. No one deserved that, especially not Gabrielle. "No.." She sat down cross-legged next to the girl. "I mean.. yes.. I mean… oh Hades, Gabrielle."

Silence. "I do like you." She'd scowled at the girl. "And.. and I don't resent it."

Those eyes. "Really?"

Gabrielle needed to believe that.. and Xena was startled to realize.. it was true. "Yeah.. really." She answered, gruffly, and found her fingers, without her permission, wiping the tears off Gabrielle's face. "You're a good.. friend, Gabrielle." She couldn’t believe how soft the girl's skin was, and before she knew it, she was stroking her cheek, as their eyes searched each others in silence. "And.. I.. I'm glad you.. decided to.. um.. hang around this grumpy old fighter."

The muscles under her fingertips moved as she got a shy smile out of the girl. "Hey.. that's better." She gave back one of her own. "I can see why all those guys fall for you. You got a nice smile."

Gabrielle blushed a little, and took a breath. "Well, you know.. I don't plan on that kind of thing.. it just sort of happens." She gave a tiny shrug.

Yeah. Xena had slowly examined her feelings. It does, doesn’t it? "You get back to bed, ok? We've got a long way to go tomorrow.. I want to get through Thessaly fast.. avoid that war." Belatedly, she let her hand drop, feeling the air cool against her palm in startling contrast to the warmth of Gabrielle’s face.

The girl’s eyes followed her hand, then traveled back up, as she settled again on her side. "Ok.. yeah…that sounds like a good idea." She replied softly, stifling a yawn. "Are you.. um.. going to take you own advice?"

Xena had stared into the flames, and nodded absently. "Yeah.. in a bit." It was, she later told herself, a comfortable patch of grass, with a convenient tree to lean against. Perfectly understandable that she’d just kind of drifted off there. It’d been a long day, and she’d been trying to work out a good path for them to take

But she never quite figured out how Gabrielle managed to throw her cloak over her without waking her up.

You're one tough customer, Xena. She laughed silently at herself. One look into those pretty green eyes, and you were just a pile of goose down. "How'd that happen, huh?" She asked Ares, who was panting and giving her little looks. "S’matter, Ares? Am I tiring you out?"

"Roooo.." The wolf protested.

"Oh, all right." The warrior relented, having reached the ridge top anyway. "We’ll rest a minute." She dropped her pace to a light jog, then to a walk, putting her hands on her hips and letting her breathing settle. "Satisfied?" Her gaze followed the animal, who circled around her, then collapsed in the leaves when she finally halted. "Lazy thing."

The wind curled around her, and she stiffened, catching the faintest of sounds on the edge of her hearing. A cry, but… "C’mon Ares." Xena bolted towards the sound, heading down the ridge on the opposite side from Amphipolis, suddenly aware of the eerie silence that surrounded her. Her footsteps sounded achingly loud in her ears, the impact against the ground reverberating slightly.

The slight sound grew louder, and she slowed as she located it’s source, near the edge of a rocky escarpment. "Whoa.. Ares.. stay here." She put a hand on the wolf’s head, as she edged closer, spotting a small form huddled on the rocky surface. "Easy.."

"Mew." The frightened kitten gazed at her with wide, wild eyes.

"C’mon." Xena sighed, seeing it’s mother, presumably, crouching under a nearby bush, hissing. Great.. she mentally rolled her eyes. At least I won’t have to adopt it. "Easy now." She got down on her belly and eased forward, watching the kitten for unexpected moves. "C’mere." Closer, as the animal pressed itself to the rock, it’s tiny tail twitching in terror.

Her hand extended cautiously. "Hey.. kitty kitty.." She breathed. "C’mon…" The kitten inched it’s neck out to sniff her fingers suspiciously, then mewed again. "That’s it… easy.." She got her hand around the small body, and sighed in relief.

And felt, rather than heard, the subliminal harsh cracking as the thin edge fell away beneath her, sending her body hurtling down the side of the ravine. Cursing, she tumbled in the air, holding onto the screaming kitten with one hand, and reaching out for the rapidly passing branches and crevices she was passing.

A jarring bounce, and she lost her sense of equilibrium as she slammed into an outcropping, sending a fiery jolt of pain through her, stunning her senses as the bottom of the cliff came up too fast, too hard.. and she hit with a sickening crunch.

It hurt so much she was afraid to breathe, aware only of the faint, mocking laughter that floated down after her, as a thick gray blanket settled over her senses.

"Well?" Cyrene peered over the healer’s shoulder at the still form on the bed.

The man gave her a brief, distracted look. "I’d do better without you hanging over me, Cy."

The innkeeper let out a breath, and stepped back, sparing a glance for the slim, tense form staring out the window just to her right. Gabrielle had shed her cloak but nothing else of the heavy clothing she’d worn to lead them, half frantic, to the spot her partner had fallen from. It had taken them a long time to carefully bring the warrior back up the slope, worried that her fall had done some hidden damage that they might be making worse. She hadn’t regained consciousness since they'd found her.

Now, Cyrene stepped over to the bard, and rubbed her shoulders with both hands. "How are you doing?"

Gabrielle turned around, and visibly collected herself. "I’m.. fine. " She said softly. "I’ll… " Her eyes strayed to the bed, and held there. "She’ll be all right." It was more an entreaty than a statement, and the bard’s voice trailed off at the finish.

Cyrene patted her cheek gently. "She has every reason to be." She waited for Gabrielle to glance her way. "She’s very strong, you know that, right?"

A vague nod. "I know." Came the answer, as the bard rubbed her temples and sighed. "I wish I knew what happened.. its… mom, she never has accidents like that."

The innkeeper put an arm around her in quiet sympathy. "I’m sure there’s an explanation.. and she’ll tell us as soon as she wakes up."

That dropped into an oppressive silence, as they turned their eyes towards Renas, who was standing and slowly dusting off his hands. He squared his shoulders, and walked over to them, staring at the floor for a moment before meeting their eyes. "I’ve.. done everything I can." He said carefully. "She’s.. " He paused. "It’s the head wound.. the rest.. that’s just scratches and some bruising, its nothing.. though I can’t imagine how she managed to fall all that way without…" His voice trailed off. "Anyway… all we can do now is wait."

"How long?" Cyrene asked, quietly.

The healer shook his russet head. "I don’t.. it could be anytime."

Gabrielle gazed over his shoulder. "Or never." Her green eyes met his in bleak knowledge, and closed at his faint nod. She felt Cyrene’s arm tighten around her shoulder, and took a shaky breath as she let the sick feeling inside her guts slowly dissipate. "But that won’t happen." She went on, her voice firming. "She’s tougher than that."

He smiled a little. "That.. I would believe." He put a hand on her arm. "I don’t know what level of awareness she has.. try to talk to her.. maybe it will help."

"I will." Gabrielle answered, as she moved past him, and knelt at the side of the bed, carefully smoothing the soft blanket and tucking it around Xena’s shoulders, sighing silently at the stark paleness of her partner’s skin, and the ugly contrast of the bruise that extended beyond the neat bandage that covered most of one side of her head. She curled her fingers around the hand lying still on the covers, and lifted it, warming its cold surface against her cheek. I know you’re in there… you know I’m out here waiting for you.. and you know I’ll never stop waiting. She closed her eyes, and felt the warmth of tears roll down her cheeks. So you come on now.

Cyrene’s heart ached as she watched the bard’s slim form waver, then slowly, gently ease down until her head was resting against Xena’s shoulder, with their fingers interlaced. She moved over and put a hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder. "Honey.. take it easy, all right? I’m going to go bring some soup. " She paused, hesitating, then went on. "For both of you." Injecting as much confidence as she could into the statement.

Gabrielle glanced up at her gratefully. "Thanks mom." She acknowledged, watching them as Cyrene and the healer left, closing the door carefully after themselves. Then her attention turned back to her partner.

"He said to talk to you, Xena." She spoke quietly. "Ok.. I can do that." She searched the battered face so close to her for the faintest flicker of a response, and found none. "Listen.. I know you’re in there… somewhere. And.. I know it’s probably dark.. and kind of scary." She rubbed a thumb against the back of the warrior’s hand. "But you’ll find you way back, I know you will."

The silence settled down again, and she could hear the faint sounds of the village floating through the window’s glazed surface. "Xena… " She started again. "I.. I could read to you.. would you like that? It’s kind of my turn anyway.. and I’ve been practicing.. I’m not as good at it as you are.. but.. I can make out most of the words."

Silence. And Gabrielle knew if she let herself sink in to that, the terror would overcome her, and she’d be no use to either of them. "Ok.. then, I’ll read." She reluctantly let go of Xena’s unresponsive hand, and retrieved a scroll, then returned to the bed, and gazed quietly at it’s occupant. "I.. " She put a hand against her partner’s cheek. "You feel so cold… maybe I can help with that, OK?" Moving around to the other side of the bed, she carefully climbed in, and settled against the warrior’s side, pausing for a long moment and watching the faint, shallow breathing.

"C’mon, Xena… " She gently moved the disheveled hair away from the warrior’s closed eyes. "I want to see those baby blues, ok?" The bard swallowed hard. "Have I told you recently just how much I love your eyes?" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I do… they’re so pretty.." She touched an eyelid with a feather light fingertip. "I love the way they light up when you smile."

So faint, that at first she was convinced it was her own body’s trembling, or worse, her desperate imagination, she felt a tiny quiver under her touch. She held her breath, and felt it again, the involuntary twitch as Xena’s body felt pressure against a sensitive eye surface. "That’s it.. I know you’re in there, love." She removed her hand, and brushed the spot with her lips. "So.. I'm gonna read now, all right?"

Bringing the scroll up, she let her eyes focus on it until the foreign squiggles started to make sense to her, a long process that had her chewing her lip in concentration. Gods.. Xena made this look so easy.. "Ok.. ok.. here we go."

Our lives had settled a bit, though things were very hard, and due to get harder from the worsening weather that day by day whistled colder about our little cave. The country about had mostly thin needled tress, good for stuffing into mattresses, but not so good for eating.

I had marked, and courted tenderly some berry patches I'd found, and collected bits of green to use as we balanced that against what Elevown could catch, which wasn't overabundant since she was held to her heavy ax, and had not the tools to build traps or snares.

It angered her, I kenned.. she was one who desired mastery in all things, and this scraping and scrounging ate at her like water over a rock. She ranged about all the daylight hours, and returned at dusk, more often empty handed than not, to sit in darkling silence against the far wall of the cave, spitting anger about her like water shaking off the back of one of the little birds I watched in my own woodland ramblings.

I was not too successful either, being unused to these woods, and unsure of what was wholesome, and what was not. I tried my hand at fishing.. oh, my Lady, the waters are not friendly to me, that I will say. I did, however, find a turtle, a big one, and that night we had a soup made it it's shell that warmed me, and pleased my reluctant companion much.

I spent the dark nights in contemplation, mostly, in reliving memories of days past. I did not think of the future, for with each passing day in this empty land, I began to wonder if there will be one, or if we are just postponing the end of our travels in this world. She speaks not to me, save little words, of instruction, or sometimes anger. I think she is angry at the world, and not at me, but I keep out of her way in any case. I do not wish to bear the brunt of her displeasure.

For she is strong, more so than I am, and her body is well used to the arts of war. I watched her unnoticed as she stripped her furs to bathe, and saw the marks of her nature on her body, the most striking a long, curving scar that followed the line of her shoulderblade, and which, I think, pained her in the cold nights.

Was a day after too many long ones, with little food, and less hope, and I was out amongst the trees, digging my way to some feeble roots, having a half a pouch full of various things, more or less good to eat. I found a berry bush, and went to it gladly, though it leaned it's slender length out over my hated enemy, the water. But Lady.. I wanted those berries, I was so tired of being always in hunger, seeing my own decline in the darkening hollows of my companion's eyes.

Out I reached, and the fates took hold of me, missing my steps and plunging me into the stream, where icy fingers stripped me of my senses, pushing me further from shore and tumbling in it's violence.

Was it luck that let me find a sudden branch? I know not, only that I felt the wood against my hand, and caught at it, bringing me up against the bank in a rush of water, and mud. I flung myself up out of the water, cursing to the Lady for losing my pouch, meager though it was.

But then a wild fit took me, and I ripped at my clothes, feeling a movement against my skin, only to find, of all things possible, trapped in my shirt a fish.

Lady, I ask you! An enormous fish , that had found it's way next to my skin with impudent abandon. I flung it from me, by fortune alone sending it away from the water instead of towards it, and fair smacked it's wits out against a nearby tree.

Wet, but saucy, I took my quarry, and headed back towards the cave, dripping though I was, and even managed to captures some of my costly and bothersome berries. I was glad to go home that day, for I knew a hot meal, perhaps, would bring a grudging smile to my Northern fellow traveler's face, something very rare of late.

I rounded the path, and entered our shelter, blinking mine eyes to settle them to the darkness within. A noise alerted me, and I cast my eyes back, seeing Elevown in her spot against the wall, her knees drawn up, and her arms wrapped about them. I stepped closer, and she drew her face aside, but not before I saw great, angry lumps on it.

I dropped my burden, and moved forward, mine eyes catching at hers in some worry, and she waved me off, aye, with that scowl of hers that warned me keep my distance.

But foolish I am, and tending to stubbornness, and I came to her despite, taking to my knees and looking close at the swollen marks, which, now I was closer, also marched up her arms. I made mine eyes my question, and with a disgusted look, she pulled a bit of something from her shirt and held it out to me.

I took it in my hand, and looked, peering close at it's tiny form and ugly features. It seemed to me kin of the stinging flies of my land, and I sniffed it, wrinkling my nose at it's acrid smell. Mine eyes peered again at her, knowing if she were stung by this kind, she must be in agony. And truly, though her face was still, I believed her such, and felt in my guts for her.

Now here eyes were on mine, and her fingers reached out, touching the wetness of my clothing, and looking question at me. Lady, I had almost forgotten! I went to my pack, and pulled my fish from it, displaying it in pride to her, and contented with the partial smile that earned from it, for then she picked up a basin held close to her, and offered it up to me, and I came close enough to see what it held.

Ah, Elevown! So that was the price of your agony! As in my land, the stinging beasts bore honey, and so it was here, the comb included thick with the sweet stuff.

We made merry that night, with our fish, and our berries with honey, and I would not rest save that I had gotten some herbs, or close as I was able, and made a paste to cover her stings with, and I slept that night with a good heart

"Oh, I liked that one." Gabrielle's eyes searched her silent partner's face. "Didn't you?" She waited through the aching moment of realizing she wasn't going to get an answer, and felt something crumble a little inside her. The parchment rustled as she set it down, and let her head rest a moment on Xena's shoulder. "Xena… I don't know where you are right now… " She felt the ache and let it come. "But I miss you." A hand lifted to stroke the warrior's upper arm gently.

A whine caught her attention, and she peered down at Ares, who was lying on the floor close to the bed. "You miss her too, Ares?"

The wolf got to his feet, and laid his head on the edge of the cloth covering Xena, licking her hand wistfully. "Roo?" He had met her halfway to the gully, scrambling over the rocks in his haste, and almost knocking her over as she lead the group of confused, and doubting villagers. Seeing Ares though.. that made them understand that her 'feeling' was something more, and they followed willingly as she ran on shaking legs to the edge of the escarpment.

Gabrielle stroked his head gently, then sighed, and returned her attention to Xena's expressionless face. "What happened, love?" She tugged the neck of the warrior's shift closer about her throat, and, hesitantly, felt her pulse point. "What could make you fall down that cliff? That's not like you at all." And it wasn't, that Gabrielle was sure of. Even after a long winter of relative inactivity, and though she'd undeniably, deliberately let some things slide, Xena was never careless, and she was aware more than anyone else would have been exactly what her capabilities were. It didn't make sense.

Seeing Xena like this.. She shuddered. Brought back all the nightmares. Of that long, desperate trip up that mountain, only to face failure at the top. Watching Xena grow more and more distant, as she stopped fighting the injuries that had taken her down, and gave in to the pain, and, now Gabrielle knew, to the horrible memories her fevered mind was displaying for her.

That same heavy feeling in her chest, only this time it was worse, because this time she knew what she was losing. "No." She ground out. "I am not going to think that." Her eyes fastened on Xena's face. "You promised me, Xena." She leaned forward and put her mouth close to the warrior's ear. "So you fight this, you hear me?" She took a breath. "You fight this, and you get back here, Xena… damn it.. Xena.. please…" Her voice choked. "Please… please come back."

"It is not enough.. all the medicines sometimes." Nicklios had told her, with a sad note in his voice. "The will has to be there… the will to hold to life with all your strength." He'd bound her leg, watching the exhaustion in her face turn to anguish as his words penetrated.

"No." She'd whispered. "Don't let her die." She'd dropped to her knees, not even feeling the pain as her leg hit the floor of the hut. "Please… do something."

"Child." His hand had caressed her face. "Her will is far stronger than any medicines I have." Nicklio's eyes went to the silent, shadowed face on the pallet, and he touched her gently. "Her breath is fading."

"Nooooo.." It had felt like the howl of an animal coming from her throat, and she'd thrown herself over her friend's body, as though that could stop death from taking her. "Xena.. don't leave me, please…"

But the faintly moving chest had stilled under her touch, and the last, gentle fluttering of her heart had gone under the bard's fingers, and she'd known, as though she'd felt Xena's spirit passing through her on the way.

Oh.. gods.. it had hurt. Like someone was ripping her apart inside, leaving nothing but an empty place, and the sense of being utterly alone that rushed over her in a silent, agonizing wave. "It's not your time… I can feel it.." She'd pleaded silently. "Xena.. I feel so empty.. it's scaring me.. please.. come back.. the world needs you." The pain hit her. "I need you."

But only silence, and death answered her. She'd spent the night curled up in a tight ball, refusing to let go of Xena's cooling hand, until Nicklio's gentle fingers set the warrior's arm back aside her body, and lifted the bard up, carrying her to a small pallet nearby, and soothing her hysterical crying until she could understand what he was saying.

Fire? No… Her mind wearily remembered. "I have to take her home." A promise she'd made in what seemed like another lifetime ago, now coming home to her at last. "To her family."

"Child." Nicklios sighed. "Are you not her family?" He chafed her hands. "I think you are."

Am I? Gabrielle remembered thinking. Not enough for her to not leave me, I guess. And somehow, that thought had hurt almost more than losing Xena itself. She tried to feel resentful of that, but the emptiness prevented that, it filled her with a aching need that allowed no intrusion of any emotion save sorrow. Xena.. her mind cried in anguish. I'm lost… and I'm so far from home. ..so far from you… you are my home, you knew that. A thousand things left unsaid came to her, unbidden.

Oh.. gods.. I loved you. It was a shattering truth that left her spent, and gasping, slumped helpless on the pallet under Nicklios concerned eyes. And in that single moment, not recognized until long after, she'd seen the healer start, and felt, oh so briefly, a gentle touch on her hair that might have been a passing breeze.

Gabrielle let the horror of the memory run it's course, and as her head rested gently against her soulmate's, the fingers she had clasped so firmly in her own pressed oh.. so softly back.

The bard stared at their linked hands, resting on Xena's shoulder, and stopped breathing, until she felt it again, unmistakably. Her eyes darted to her partner's face, and now.. looking closely, she saw the faint beginnings of tension under her pale skin. "I knew you were in there." She breathed, brushing her lips across Xena's cheek. "Keep fighting, love."

Cyrene slipped through the cabin door, closing it behind her as she swung the small pot of soup clear of the opening. Half afraid, she glanced across the room, letting out her breath as she saw her daughter's slowly moving chest, and sighing a little at the sight of Gabrielle wrapped around her, arms curled protectively over Xena's head and shoulders.

She set the pot down, and walked over to the bed, circling around Ares' watching eyes, and studying her daughter carefully, keeping silent to avoid waking the exhausted bard. The head wound seemed to be staying closed, and Xena's breathing was stronger, Cyrene was glad to see, and the hand she laid briefly on Xena's shoulder felt the warrior's body to be much warmer than it had been when they brought her home. Hades of a time for Toris to be out hunting.. She muttered silently. He and Granella were due back tomorrow, and she hoped they'd followed their plan.. she needed the moral support, and knew Gabrielle did also, especially…. But no. Her mind firmly put that thought aside.

Just then the green eyes fluttered open, and tracked to her dazedly, then dropped to her partner's face, and stayed there. "Mom." She said softly. "She squeezed my hand."

Cyrene knelt down, and patted the bard's fingers. "She knows you're here, honey." She smiled at the very tentative, ragged half smile on Gabrielle's face. "You need to believe that."

Gabrielle let her head drop back to rest against her soulmate's. "I do." She gazed fondly at Xena. "She's really stubborn, ya know." Was that a hint of a twitch near her mouth? Her eyes lifted to Cyrene's "I hear that runs in the family."

That got a soft snort from the innkeeper. "Glad to see you with your spirits up, honey." She sighed. "Wish I knew what made this damn fool kid take a plunge off that cliff."

Was that another twitch? Gabrielle slid an experimental hand over her partner's upper chest, and felt the muscles under the skin tighten as they took on tone under her fingertips. "I don’t think she likes being called a kid, mom." She laid her hand down flat above Xena's heart and tucked her lips down close to her ear. Wonder if she can hear us? A faint smile etched the bard's lips. "I love you." She whispered, and felt the heartbeat under her touch skip. Oh yeah. "She can hear us."

Cyrene gazed at her. "How can you tell?"

Gabrielle smiled up at her. "I've got many skills."

That got a wan smile from the innkeeper, who edged closer, and gently probed the ugly wound on her daughter's head. "Well, if you can hear me, Xena, you hang in there, all right? You banged yourself up good this time."

A flutter under her fingertips. "Come on, love." Gabrielle whispered. "I know you're in there." She paused. "Open your eyes for me, ok?"

"Honey, give her time." Cyrene protested. "That's a bad bump she took.. this is going to take a little while."

Then watched, in some amazement as the injured warrior's eyelids blinked partway open, dazedly finding Gabrielle's intently watching face, which broke in a big smile. "Hey…."

A quirk of an eyebrow answered her, but it was enough. "Xena, don't move around, ok?" Which, now that she thought about it, was a pretty dumb thing to say, but with Xena, you never knew. "You have a big bump on your head."

A wince, and the faintest of nods.

Cyrene let out a long held breath, and touched her daughter's shoulder, watching the pale eyes track slowly over to her. "Honey?" She smiled at the glint of recognition in her daughter's glance. "You're gonna be fine.. just take it easy, all right?"

Xena took a breath, then a second. "N..not much… choice." The warrior's voice was very faint, and it seemed difficult for her to speak. "E'vrythg hurts." She admitted, moving her gaze back to her partner "It's all.. fuzzy."

The bard felt waves of utter relief rolling over her, despite the warrior's words. "Yeah.. I know." She gently rubbed Xena's shoulder. "Take your time, love… I'm just…" Her fingers moved the dark hair back out of her partner's eyes. "It's good to hear your voice."

Xena's eyes closed, but she managed to lift a hand, and curl it around the bard's knee, sighing a little at the contact. "Stay." She murmured.

Gabrielle snuggled closer, and slipped an arm across her partner's stomach. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." She promised, nuzzling the soft skin on Xena's neck. "You're stuck with me." She watched as the warrior's breathing settled back into the more normal rhythm of sleep, and felt herself relaxing along with it. "It's gonna be all right." She murmured, half to herself, and half to Cyrene, who was watching quietly.

The innkeeper shook her head a little, and patted the bard's hand. "I'm sure it will be, Gabrielle." Privately, she had some serious reservations, but saw no purpose in worrying the bard more than she was already. "You get some of this soup, you hear me?"

The bard blinked sleepily at her. "OK.. I'm just going to.. " She felt a friendly warmth stealing over her, and let her body relax into it. "Um.. stay with her here, for a bit..then I'll get some." The fingers curled around her knee tightened slightly, and she gave the warrior a little rub across her belly in response.

Cyrene sighed, and stood up. "All right, I'll be back in a little while when Renas comes to check her." She reached down and pulled the blanket up to cover the half asleep bard, who gave her a little smile in response, and watched as the innkeeper left the cabin and closed the door after her.

The pounding headache nudged her from a restless sleep into a renewed awareness of her surroundings, and Xena had all she could do to bite back a groan. The gray fog that clung to her thoughts had dissipated a little, but she still had the feeling she was caught in a thick swamp. Every thought was a process of hard labor, and as for moving.. gods. She had to concentrate to an exhausting extent to do the simplest of things, such as moving a finger.

I really did it this time. Her mind cursed sluggishly. A wave of nausea swept over her, and she clamped her jaw down tight, which sent stabs of pain back up into her head. Gods. Breathing hurt. She concentrated on trying to sense her surroundings, and felt a sinking sensation as the results were not good. It was as though her normally sharp senses were swaddled in thick wool, rendering them almost useless.

Sighing, she concentrated on one thing at a time, focusing first on hearing. Slowly, far too slowly, the jumble of sounds sorted themselves out, and she was able to distinguish first the sounds of the room, which included the quiet snap of the fire, the settling creak of the floorboards, and Ares' breathing at the foot of the bed. OK..ok… got that. She focused outward, and caught the wind's brushing against the roof, and the clatter of hooves outside the inn. Better. She then let herself pay attention to the gentle whisper of Gabrielle's breathing, soft against her neck, and the quiet rustle as the bard shifted, and moved closer to her.

Indulged in that for a long moment, then went reluctantly back to sorting out the mess her world was in. Smells..ah. The fire provided a pungent scent of oak burning, and she could detect the rich, meaty aroma from the soup her mother had left. She sighed, as another nauseous wave came over her. Maybe not. Reluctantly, she pried one eye open, closing it again as the light stabbed cruelly into her vision. Ouch. She waited a moment, then tried again, easing her eyelids up a fraction at a time until she was peering hazily out at the room she was in.

Home. A sense of relief flooded her, and she turned her head slightly to gaze at the pale head nestled against her shoulder, managing a tiny smile as her eyes slowly focused on the sleeping bard's face. Gabrielle. Her mind caressed the name. You called me home, love. Just like last time.

Her mind drifted back, slipping out of the present, and ambling dreamily to a dark time. When she had let life slip from her grasp, and was trapped in a place not unlike the gray fog she'd just escaped from.

It had been chaos there, all shifting light and shadow, and the thoughts… gods… they said the dead can hear the thoughts of the living… was that ever true. She'd heard enough to last her… well.. never mind. But as much as she tried not to listen, one voice came ringing through so clear, so sharp.. and the agony in it lanced through her as though the thoughts were knives.

Gabrielle, in a whirl of torment that made Xena almost frantic.. as she tried to batter her way against the thick blanket of grief that surrounded her friend, wanting to find a way.. any way, to bring comfort to her.

But the young bard was in too much pain to listen, and Xena had to endure the nightmares, and the resounding ache that was wearing Gabrielle down even as she struggled to take her fallen companion's body home.. for that one last promise she'd sworn to keep.

It wasn't until Autolycus, with her fierce, desperate intervention, managed to get her body back from the Amazons that there was a break.. a tiny rift in the dark clouds surrounding the bard.. one which Xena was determined to use to get through to her friend at last.

Autolycus wasn't having any of it, but… she'd given him no choice. Not in this, not…in something she wanted so desperately. Needed. Looking into Gabrielle's eyes from the King of Thieves viewpoint, and seeing that look of fragile, haunting, desperate hope trembling there. No. I can't let her lose that.

She'd taken control of Autolycus, forcing his panic down yet again, and locked eyes with the bard, watching her still, as she somehow realized she wasn't just looking at Autolycus. "Close your eyes.. Gabrielle.. and think of me."

And she had. A shift of fog, of place, of time.. and there the bard was, her whole body tense with the need to believe. "Gabrielle.." It had been her voice, in the mists. "Gabrielle…"

Those green eyes had fluttered open, and when her mind recognized what she was seeing, a choking sob escaped her, and a look that was everything Xena had hoped leaped into her eyes. "It's all right.. I'm not dead."

It had taken every single ounce of willpower she had not to just wrap her arms around the bard and simply hug her, and hug her until… oh how she'd wanted to. But they had so little time… so she'd held Gabrielle's headlong rush off with a warning gesture. But it was so hard to watch the joy in the bard's eyes mute softly into haunting pain. "Why did you leave me?"

Oh, Gabrielle.. if only I could have answered that. How stupid it was of me not to realize.. how selfish of me to think I could take the easy way out. That no one would care.

"I have so many things to say to you." Gabrielle voice had softened again.

No time. Her hand raised to still the bard's speech. "You don’t' need to say anything." She'd moved closer, and seen the ache in the bard's eyes again. "We haven't much time.. we've got to get to the ambrosia, or I really will be gone."

Stark, anguish fear took over Gabrielle's face. "Xena.. I can't lose you again." The raw agony had touched her, and she stepped so close she could sense Gabrielle's body heat, even in the dreamscape.

It was a time for truth, and she surrendered to the moment, bringing her hand up to caress Gabrielle's face, and feeling the ethereal warmth as the bard leaned into her touch, as the green eyes gazed up into hers with a soul wrenching, tremulous hope. "Gabrielle.." She'd felt the truth of it roll through her. "I'll always be here." And with that, she'd pulled the bard into her arms, and bent her head, kissing Gabrielle lightly on the lips

She'd meant it as a comforting gesture… she'd meant it as a gentle promise.. that they'd have time to work things out.. to.. but what it had been was a shock to her senses, a warm, tingling contact that let loose a flood of sensual understanding between them that had been beyond anything she'd expected.

It had stunned her, so much so that she'd floated there, long moments after she'd let loose of Autolycus' body, and watched them break apart in embarrassed confusion. It had taken her forever to react, and slap the King of Thieves on the head for his manhandling of her.. her? Bard.. and then she'd felt bad about that, because she'd realized poor Autolycus really hadn't had anything to do with that at all.

It'd been her.. it'd been.. them. She'd felt nervous, and giddy, and confused all at once…never expecting… oh, well sure.. there was love between them, any idiot could see that.. but…that certainly hadn't felt like a kiss between best friends. Maybe it was the dreamscape.

Yeah. Sure.. that was it.. she was just projecting something into this that really couldn’t be there. Not Gabrielle.. who fell for every cute guy they ran into. Right? Slowly she'd let herself quietly put away that feeling, with a pang of wistful regret. For a minute there.. it had felt so good.. so.. right.

But no. Gabrielle didn't really feel like that. Not about her.

And then.. not long after, she'd had to take over Gabrielle's body in order to stop Velasca. And had gotten the biggest surprise of her life.

The sunset wound it's stealthy way into the room, slipping through the glazed window with a gentle radiance and drenching the floor with golden light. It wasn't until the reddening rays touched her face that Gabrielle woke, confused momentarily at being in bed, at this hour, still dressed in her outdoor clothing. Then memory flooded back, and she groaned softly, moving her body stiffly from the awkward position she'd fallen asleep in.

That brought her eyes up, and she blinked, finding a pair of blue eyes peering back at her. "Oh…" A gentle smile crossed her face. "Hi." She lifted herself up onto an elbow to get a better look at her injured partner. "You feeling any better?"

Xena took an experimentally deep breath. "A little." She responded quietly, wincing as she moved her head a bit. "Not much." She admitted with a faint sigh. "Things are.. still pretty hazy."

"Mm.' Gabrielle responded thoughtfully. "How long have you been up?"

"Not long." The warrior replied. "Renas was here.. changed the bandage."

That brought a gentle blush to the bard's face. "I slept through that?" She winced. "Sorry."

Xena gave her an affectionate look. "S'allright." Then her face tensed. "I'm… I think I lost a lot of bits, Gabrielle."

The bard studied her in some concern. "Ok..let's play the game." Old habit, when her partner got her bell rung. "You know who you are?"

Xena nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"That's a plus.. I'd hate to have to explain all that." Gabrielle joked wanly. "You know who I am?"

The warrior smiled gently. "The love of my life." Her lips quirked at the strong blush at her words. "What.. I'm wrong?"

Gabrielle slapped her very softly. "That's an even bigger plus.. I don’t know what I'd do if you didn’t'…" Unexpectedly, her eyes filled with tears. "Remember that." She managed to finish in a slightly hoarse tone.

"Shh." Xena pulled her head down and kissed it. "That's written so deep in me, nothing could take it out, my bard."

"Hey.. a whole sentence." The bard muttered, swallowing her momentary upset. She sniffled, and pulled herself back up. "Sorry." She thought for a moment. "Do you know where you are?"

The warrior was silent for a long moment. "Home."

A nod from the bard. "So far, so good. Do you know what day it is?"

Silence.

"OK… do you know what year it is?" Gabrielle probed gently.

Longer silence. "OK." The bard sighed. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Xena thought about that for a while. "Um…reading to you…a shipwreck."

"Ah." Gabrielle sighed in relief. "Well.. that's not so bad… it was yesterday." She smoothed the covers over Xena's chest. "You.. don't remember what happened today.. how you fell?"

Eyebrows jerked up, then Xena flinched. "Gods.. that hurts… I fell?" Her brow creased. "Damn.. I.. I don't even remember going out." She tried to concentrate, but couldn’t, and lifted a hand towards her head again.

Gabrielle caught it, and cradled it in her own. "Stop it.. don't worry about it, Xena. It's not important.. you're home.. we found you.. that's all that matters." She watched her partner's eyes close. "You need to rest.. like you told me, right? I did warn you I was going to stuff you in bed for two weeks the next time you got hurt, remember that?"

One blue eye peeked at her. "No."

Gabrielle poked her very gently in the ribs. "Liar."

Only the impish twinkle in her eye gave her away. "Who, me?" Then she sighed. "Head hurts too much to sleep."

The bard studied her intently. "Do you want me to get some stuff from Renas?"

Xena shook her head a little. "Not a good idea with a head wound." She winced regretfully. "Unfortunately." Her gaze gently settled on her partner's concerned face. Gotta get her distracted.. no sense in both of us being miserable. "Would you.. um.. mind reading a little to me?"

"Hmm?? Oh.. sure." Gabrielle smiled. "I did ok with the last one then, huh?"

The warrior lifted a hand, and traced her partner's jawline. "I was in this dark place… just kind of a nothing… and I heard this voice coming from somewhere… I thought I'd better follow it to see where it was coming from. " She smiled a little. "It was you.. talking about fish, and honey.. and berries.. and I remembered thinking.. that's typical."

Gabrielle snorted in laughter. "Oh.. gee.. thanks." She rolled out of the bed on the other side, and went to her stack of scrolls, exchanging the one she had for a new one. "Let me get you some soup.. ok?"

"No." Xena objected, folding an arm across her stomach. "I can't." The very thought made her guts contract.

The bard brought the new scroll back, and set it on the table, then put a very gentle hand against her partner's forehead. "You should, Xena."

The warrior swallowed queasily. "I'll just get sick.." She pleaded with the bard. "With the way my head feels.. I don't wanna throw up, Gab…" Her eyes begged. "Please?"

"Shh.." Gabrielle soothed her, uneasily aware of the almost never used diminutive of her name. "Ok..ok..I understand." Xena was an awful patient, and even admitted that herself, but she'd gotten to where she'd show this very vulnerable side on occasion to her partner, and Gabrielle had long since realized this was the ultimate example of Xena's trust in her. So she didn't comment on it, she just got back into bed, and snuggled down next to the warrior, and got ready to read.

Continued in Part 3

Standard Disclaimer - These characters, most of them, belong to Universal, and Renaissance Pictures, and whoever else has a stake in Xena: Warrior Princess. This is written just in fun, and no copyright infringement was intended.

Specific Story Disclaimers:

Violence –Oh yes.. there is violence. This is a combination story, and includes both Uber Xena sections, and Regular Xena sections. Regardless of time period, or current incarnation, our lovable Xena does tend to be a violent person. So, we have slicing and dicing, and crunching of bones… but no emasculation in this one.

I think.

Subtext - Subtext.. there's a debate going on at this point as to whether subtext is subtext or just plain maintext nowadays on the series. At any rate, this story does involve women who are in love with each other.. so if that puts your undies in a wad, please go choose something nice out of the general fiction area. There's lot's of good stories there.

And while we're on the subject, if you do read past the above warning, and are offended by the love described in the story, email me your snail mail address, so I can send you some German chocolate cake, OK? I feel horrible for you.

UberXena - Ok - this story contains characters of the Uber Xena genre. Some folks don't like to read that. There are sections of two characters that showed up in a previous story of mine (Bound) and they'll be mixed with sections involving our old friends, Xena and Gabrielle. Just want to warn you, OK? OK.

 Any and all comments are always welcome. You can email them to:

mailto:merwolf@worldnet.att.net

Reflections from the Past - Part 3

By Melissa Good

"Oh." Gabrielle paused, scanning the text before her. "Not this one." She started to get up, but found a hand gripping her arm. "Xena.. this is the one from the tablet."

The warrior nodded a little. "Yeah… and?"

The bard gazed at the parchment, then up at her partner. "It's sad.. mostly." She paused. "I mean… we know the end, and its… well, it turns out ok, but.."

"Then?" Xena asked softly, closing her eyes briefly against a jolt of pain. The throbbing from her head wound was getting worse, and she cursed softly under her breath, then let her eyes reopen as she felt a gentle touch on her face. "Give me something else to think about."

"Bad?" Gabrielle asked in quiet sympathy, wincing herself at the brief nod she got in return. "Is there… anything I can do? Anything I can get you?" She bit her lip, hating the helpless feeling this always gave her. "Let me get you some water, at least." The bard rolled over, and snagged a full waterskin she'd left hanging from the bedpost, returning to her original position and working the stopper out of it.

Xena let out a tiny sigh, and braced her hands against the bed, pushing herself upright and immediately regretting it. A wave of nausea and vertigo swamped her and she dropped back down with a hastily bitten off groan.

"Hey… hey…" Gabrielle grabbed her shoulders, and eased her back into place. "Hold on there, tough stuff."

That got a faint chuckle from Xena. "Not very." She sighed, leaning back and taking a tentative hold on the water skin. "Gods… I wish I knew what happened out there." She took a cautious sip, feeling the cool liquid travel all the way down her throat and into her queasily rebelling stomach. For a minute, she thought it was going to come right back up, but after a momentary lurch, it didn’t, and she took another sip. "Gabrielle?"

"Mm?" The bard responded, watching her with a worried frown.

"Read. Please." Came the tired request. "This is a rotten thing to say.. but make me believe there were folks out there who felt worse than I do right now?"

Gabrielle winced. "You're right. That was rotten." She sighed. "Ok." She settled back against the headboard and studied the scroll for a minute, before she cast one last look at Xena's tense face and started to read.

Another tiny victory in a long string of defeats. We have food again tonight, but at what cost.. Elevown has had to fight off wolves for her kill, and her blood stains her garment and her eyes show her agony, though no sound of complaint passes her lips. She huddles in her corner, and I take the hard won meat and do my best with it.

My heart clenches – I bring Elevown her bowl, and with a look of quiet regret, she pulls aside her furs, and I see the hole the wolf has made in her. A grimace as she tries to smile at me, and pushes the bowl back towards my hands. Her meaning is clear. She has no use for food any longer.

I grieve. This strange, cold person has somehow entered my heart, and I do not wish to see her end her days here in this horrible place. I get bandages, clothes, hot water, and demand with gestures that she allow me to do what little I can for those terrible wounds.

At first she pushes me away, but her grasp is weak, and I persist, seeing the growing, dark stain about her middle, and the white paleness under her normally Northern pale skin. At last, she relents, and stops her fighting of me, lying back and letting her eyes close against what must be a fearsome pain.

Slowly, I push her hands aside, and move the tattered furs that cover her body, and close mine own eyes at the long, ragged slice that opens her guts, spilling blood over my hands, which tremble as I rip a remaining bit of my own shift up and press it close to stay the awful damage.

I tend her wounds, and, at the end, when I have done what little I could to ease her, her eyes open, and find mine own, and she makes a small smile at me. I smile the best that I can back, and she lifts a hand and brushes my cheek.

Oh.. my mother… I have heard stories told of one’s losing of the heart.. Aye, I never thought to feel that in my own self. But this day I do, and it goes with out so much as a by your leave to this rude and uncouth foreigner with so little effort, and so little warning that I feel myself lightheaded.

I touch her cheek, and her eyes show the beginning of her surrender to the darkness. "Niess." Her mouth shapes the word slowly, the first she'd said to me in a long stretch of days. Shamed. "Framganga." Ah. She speaks of the attack on my village. "Liedr."

Aye, yes, Elevown, it was hateful. But that was not how I wished you to remember our journey, for though it started in darkness, over these last months I have let go my anger, forgiven my hatred, and have come to regard you as someone who could be a friend.

So, "Blid." I call her, and see those icy eyes soften with what I feel to be regret.

She sleeps but fitfully this night, and her wounds pain her much, for I could see the stark whiteness of her knuckles as she clenches her hands. I do what I can, but ill humors ravage her with their sickly heat, and she knows not who she is, or who I am, but speaks softly, achingly in her harsh language, words that mean nothing to me. I let her grip my hand, and try to trickle water down her lips when reason took her, but I know I do little good.

We come together towards the dawn, and she rests quietly for a time, as I look down to see those gray eyes gazing at me with a look of.. I can not tell what.

Sadness, perhaps. Regret, I kenned that as well. She squeezes my hand with hers, though where that strength came from I know not, and so gently, touched mine fingers to her lips before her eyes close once again.

I am lost. I have never felt a force so fierce, a need so intense as I do this pale, cold day, as she fades further from me, her skin so pale I can almost see the light through it.

I pray to the Lady, to pass us by. I pray for her to not take this strange gift from me, but I know, from the paleness of her face, and the lightness of her breath, my prayers will go unanswered. She will go this day to her strange Valhalla, and sit with her breden, to break bread, and drink ale from their long, curved horns. I will see her no more.

I felt mine self shattering, and I knew, how well did I, that this cold winter will be both our ends, but I shudder to think mine would be last, and alone, bereft of even her silent presence. I will miss her tall shadow, mixing in the firelight with my own, and her strength.

My heart cries out in agony, and I feel that I, and not she, have taken a mortal wound the pain is so great. What is this terrible thing? I hurt, just looking at her face. I pray she opens her eyes just one more time, for I do not wish to bid her farewell just yet.

Now the end comes close, as I feel the cold hands of the Taker hover beyond her, and I do what little I can, which is gather her in my arms, and give her my life’s heat and what little strength I possessed to add to that which faded in her. I pray, one last prayer to the mother to take me quickly, for I wish not to know the empty solitude of this forsaken place.

So I close mine eyes, and let the darkness close over me, until the morning light creeps like a thief into my awareness, and, hating the thought, I let my sight rejoin me.

I think to see her quiet and still, and so I do, but under mine arm, her breath still comes, and the dark flush of fever is gone from her.

My heart leaps, and it is all I could do not to sing out my happiness, but still I stay, for now she wakes, and gazes at me, our faces so close we breathe each other's essence.

Lady, there be stories told around the firepits of our people of a kinship beyond blood, that which brings two strangers together and makes them family just as close as those we are born with.

Here I am with an enemy, whose people prey on mine own, whose tongue and mine are unknown to each other. There should be no close travel between us. And yet…

And yet. This Elevown is family to me in a way I cannot begin to understand.

"Ardwyn." Her voice, so weak.

"Ja." I answer, simply.

"Blid?" I hear a faint hoping in the word.

"Ja, blid." I hastened to assure her Yes, friend. .

"Auk." And her eyes closed again, but this time, into healing sleep.

Gabrielle was very quiet for a few moments after she stopped reading, her eyes going over the words again a few times before she sighed, and glanced up at her equally quiet partner. "A little different version."

"Mm." Xena agreed softly, taking a gentle sip on her waterskin. "More detail.. she probably had a chance to think about what to write this time." Another sip. "Language is a little different."

The bard nodded slightly. "I'm.. glad they got a second chance." She looked up as Xena's arm curled around her and put the scroll down, half turning to snuggle closer to her soulmate.

Xena studied her seriously. "I'm glad we did too." Then her lips quirked. "Bet they take less time than we did to figure it out."

That got a gentle snort from Gabrielle. "Hey.. speak for yourself, oh Warrior Princess of Cluelessness." She rolled her eyes. "It didn't take me that long." She idly played with a piece of the soft fabric edging Xena's nightshirt. "You were just too darn cute."

"Oh please." Xena laughed. "C'mon, Gabrielle…ow. Don't make me laugh." She winced and touched the bandage. "I'm a moody, unstable homicidal maniac with tendencies towards self destructiveness. That's not cute… ow!"

"Cut that centaur poop out." Gabrielle said crossly. "You are not any of those things."

One eyebrow shot up. "Gabrielle of Potadeia, you are not going to sit there and tell me I'm not moody."

A glare from the bard. "You're not moody, Xena.. you just have a limited number of moods. There's bad, and worse." She paused for effect. "And the occasional silly."

"Mmm…. " The warrior considered. "What about the self destructive part? I did just walk off a cliff."

"Oh..so you remember what happened?" The bard trapped her neatly, with an angry edge to her voice.

"Um.. no.. I was just assuming." Xena relented. "I.. have no idea how it happened.. I just assume I was distracted and tripped or something."

Gabrielle felt her head. "You must be fevered. You, trip??? Xena, I've seen you cross a single strand rope bridge in a rainstorm while swordfighting three two headed monsters. You have the most amazing, most perfect control of your body that I have ever seen, or ever heard of in my entire life. The thought of you just, out of nowhere, tripping is so unlikely I think I'd take bets on Hercules birthing a three headed pig before I'd bet on that." Damn.. I hate when she does this, and she knows it.

Xena cocked her head slightly and smiled. Whoops.. went to far. Time to sooth a few feathers. "He'd be damned annoyed."

The bard glared at her. "Who.. Hercules or the pig?" She sighed. "Are you done trashing yourself?"

Blue eyes flicked to the covers, where the warrior's strong hands were worrying the fabric. "Are you done yelling at me?" She replied quietly, all trace of humor gone from her voice.

Long silence. Finally Gabrielle sighed, and lifted her hands, then let them drop to her thighs. "Sorry. That particular story always.. kind of gets to me." She swallowed. "And… you being.. it.. before… I … it brought back a lot of really bad memories." She laid her head against Xena's shoulder. "I remembered what it was like to lose you..and.. that still hurts."

"Hey.." Xena buried her face in the soft golden hair "Sorry.. thinking the worst of myself is an old habit that's hard to break." She dragged an arm around the bard and sighed. "Three headed pig, huh?"

Gabrielle smiled reluctantly. "First thing that popped into my head."

"Mmhmm." Xena considered this. "He could call the pig Porkules." She replied in a serious tone. "You know.. dress him in those cute leather pants.. teach him to make snide comments to Iolaus.." She felt Gabrielle dissolve into giggles against her chest and smiled quietly. "It'd be kinda cute… bet he'd follow Herc around… " She tapped the blanket with her other hand. "Trot trot trot.. snort…"

"Xena…" The bard gasped, laughing uncontrollably. "I'm gonna kill you for putting that picture in m head.. I'm gonna dream about it now." She let the giggles peter out, then paused. "Hey… if we were all animals..which would we be?" A glance up. "I always pictured you a panther, you know."

Xena cocked an eyebrow at her. "Yeah?" She thought about that a minute. "Hmm." Panther. Well, could have been worse. Could have been a donkey.

"What about me?" The bard challenged, waiting expectantly.

Oh boy. "Uh.." The warrior's brow creased. "I'm gonna get in trouble no matter what I say here, aren't I?" Lessee…dog? No. Horse? Uh uh. Bird? Uh.. no. Cat? She regarded Gabrielle's curled up form, nestled close to her own. Weeeell… no. Ah.. I got it… but she ain't gonna like it.

Gabrielle grinned. "I promise I wont' hurt you too bad."

"Uh huh." Xena sounded unconvinced. "All right.. a badger." Whack. "Hey!"

"A badger!!!" The bard looked stung. "Xena!!!' Oh brother.. they are ugly.. those little snub noses, and that bandy legged kind of… Her thoughts stumbled to an abrupt halt. Don't go there. I do not walk like that. "I do NOT look like a nasty old badger."

Her soulmate raised a hand in defense. "Wait..wait… give me a chance here…" She protested. "It's not bad… badgers are the bravest animals out there, Gabrielle.. they defend themselves, and their families, and almost no other animal dares to come near them.. they're tough, and a lot stronger than animals twice their size."

Green eyes studied her suspiciously. "Yeah?"

Xena smiled. "Yeah." Her eyes glinted softly. "And once they make up their mind about something, it never changes." And they've got the cutest little walk… nah.. better not go there.. that's definitely gonna make her self concious about that. Bad warrior.

Their eyes met. "Never, huh?" The bard tried to suppress a grin, but failed. "Are panthers scared of them?"

"Oh yeah." Xena confirmed softly. "Terrified." She gave the bard a quick grin, which became a grimace as a bolt of pain shot through her. "Damn." She tried to lift her head, then let it drop with a sigh. "Gods."

The room whirled around her, and she closed her eyes. "Dizzy." She heard a faint roaring in her ears, and realized she was on the verge of passing out, and concentrated on taking deep breaths, feeling the sudden pressure of Gabrielle’s hands against her face. Slowly, the buzzing faded, and she became aware of the bard’s urgent voice. "Ok..ok.."

"Xena, you’re white as a sheet." The bard was saying, her eyes anxious. "I’m going to go get Renas.. you hang on, all right?"

Then the bard was gone, and she was fighting a queasy chill, which traveled up her spine, and exploded into a white hot jolt of pain over her right eye. She locked her jaws grimly, and tried to think of something else, fuzzily aware of Ares’ anxious whine at her side.

Calm.. c’mon, think of something relaxing… breathe… ok. Slowly, reluctantly, the pain faded, leaving her exhausted, and drenched in a sudden cold sweat. Gods.. that.. wasn’t too good. She lifted a shaking hand to the bandage on her head, and probed gingerly, feeling a tight ache that shot another jolt of pain through her. Damn. Now the chills made sense. She forced her eyes open as the door shuddered inward, and Gabrielle strode across the floor to her side.

"Listen.. they’re sending someone for Renas, love." She put a hand on the warrior’s shoulder. "He’s out at one of the outlying cots." Her fingers slid up, and touched the bandage, then brushed against her partner’s skin. "You’re really warm."

Xena forced her vision to focus, and nodded. "Yeah.. listen.. we don’t.. " Don’t scare her. "Um… see, problem is he put in the stitches too tight… just need to loosen them a little."

The bard relaxed. "Oh.. ok.. well, that shouldn’t take him too long.."

The pressure built, sending another stab of pain shooting through her head. "Gabrielle.. get my dagger." She forced her voice to remain calm. "We don't’ have time to wait for him." She heard the sucked intake of air, and felt the bard’s grip tighten on her wrist. "Don’t panic.. just get the dagger."

A space of time that seemed like it lasted forever, and then the bard was back, her fingers touching her lightly. "OK.. I’ve got it." A pause. "I passed it through the candle..was that right?"

Outwardly Gabrielle seemed calm, but Xena could hear the shakiness in her voice, and made the effort to meet the bard’s eyes. "Perfect." She took a deep breath, and covered Gabrielle’s hand with her own. "It’s gonna be all right.. ok? You can do this." A nervous nod answered her. "Ok.. take the bandage off." The buzzing grew louder as the bard’s fingers carefully worked the linen off, and she lifted it clear, sucking in a breath in alarm. "Bad, huh? Ok… don’t think about it."

Gabrielle closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, then opened them again, and tried not to remember that the angry red and purple wound belonged to her soulmate. It didn’t work. "What do I do?" She asked in a bare whisper.

"T.. take the edge, and.." A long pause. "c.. cut the stitches." Xena’s chest heaved. "Its… gonna bleed.. that’s.. ok." The pressure was getting to her, and she closed her eyes, gripping onto the bed frame with one hand, feeling Gabrielle’s gentle touch on her jaw as the bard turned her head to get a better look at what she was doing. "Go ahead."

The steel blade felt ice cold against her skin, and she held her breath, feeling, and almost hearing the soft pops as the razor sharp knife severed the gut holding the wound closed. At once, the pressure relaxed, and she felt a warm flood as fluid coursed down the side of her face, and the sharp pain subsided. "Good job." She got out, prying an eye open to check on her too quiet soulmate feeling a touch of linen on her face as the bard washed the blood off.

Gabrielle’s face was a tight mask, her jaw muscles stark and evident against the skin of her cheek as she finished her task, and pressed a fresh pad of linen against the still draining wound. "Are.. is it all right now?" she finally asked, in a hoarse voice. I am not going to panic. I am not going to pass out. I have done this before... dammit, Gabrielle, just forget it's her, OK?

Xena lifted a hand up, and rested it against her belly, giving her a gentle rub. "Much better." She felt a wave of exhaustion travel over her and forced it down. "There’s.. um… in my kit, a parchment packet.. it’s. kind of bluish. " She watched the bard walk quietly over, and return with the requested item. "Yeah… kind of sprinkle that stuff on it." She winced as the pulverized herbs caused a stinging sensation to cover her head. "Good.."

They both looked up as Cyrene and Renas hurried in. "Take it easy." Xena drawled softly. "Gabrielle took care of things." The bard moved out of the way as the healer came close, and inspected the wound. "Just needed opening."

Renas picked up the packet Gabrielle had left lying on the table, and sniffed it, raising his eyebrows. "Interesting." He examined the sliced stitches and pursed his lips. "Wanted to give you an nice even one, Xena." His gaze turned apologetic. "Should have checked that." He turned to Gabrielle with a look of respect. "Good work."

The bard blushed slightly. "Don’t look at me… " She jerked her chin towards the injured warrior. "I had expert instruction." She moved off, and washed her hands, then started fiddling with the soup with her back to the room.

Cyrene gave Renas a look, and waited for him to distract Xena, then walked up in back of the bard and put her hands on the slim shoulders. "Honey?"

Gabrielle didn’t turn around. "Yeah?"

"You OK?" Cyrene felt the tremor go through her, and sighed. "Why don’t you come up with me to the inn for a few minutes, hmm? I have some dinner for you." She took the soup pot from the bard’s nerveless hands, and set it down. "C’mon."

Gabrielle stared at her hands for a minute, then let loose a long breath. "Yeah.. ok.." She cast a glance over her shoulder to where blue eyes were watching her. "Be right back."

Xena let her gaze follow them as her mother and the bard left, then turned her eyes towards Renas. "Not good, huh?" She watched his eyes study her head, and a pucker appear in the otherwise smooth brow.

The healer regarded her seriously. "No." He held up the packet. "What is this?"

A slight shrug. "Some stuff I picked up in Chin." A pause. "A long time ago."

The healer sighed softly. "All right." He gently probed her head, and settled the bandage lightly back into place. "You’re strong as an ox, Xena. Don’t let this take you down."

That got a tiny quirk of a grin. "Not if I can help it." The draining had helped, and she found herself feeling a little better, which was a good sign. Stupid of her not to thiink of that before, though. Damn.. Xena.. you really are slipping. She chastised herself. You know better.

She laid back gingerly against the pillow, and sighed, wishing a touch childishly that Gabrielle would get back, so she could see just how shaken up her partner really was. Bootsteps drew nearer even as she thought it, and she grinned softly as she pictured the bard's powerful, rolling gait. Just like a badger… she chuckled softly. Must be all that muscle, and all that determination. She'd enjoyed observing, in an academic way, of course, how the bard's movement had changed over the years.. as she grew into her body, and had gotten stronger, and more fit. Sometimes that Argo perspective definitely.. had it's points.

The door pushed open, and Gabrielle ducked inside, carrying a hefty sized platter of food, and Xena found that the enticing scents wafting from it actually sort of interested her. Good sign. She approved silently. Smells like some of my favorites.

Funny how she paid attention to that now.. Gabrielle had finally nudged her into an appreciation of what she was eating and ever since.. she sighed ruefully. Just one more insidious attack on her willpower that she’d been unable to resist. It had taken about forever for her to admit it, though.

"Xena." Gabrielle had sighed, and cast a glance over her shoulder to where the warrior was working on tanning a new hide for their sleeping rolls. Or to be more precise, for Gabrielle’s sleeping roll, because the bard had managed to lose hers in an accident involving a ravine, a bear, and a pot of jelly she’d been cooking.

"Huh?" The warrior had glanced up from her task, to see her companion glaring at her. "Oh.. sorry. You ready for dinner?" A drift of the wind brought the scent of whatever it was towards her, and to her annoyance, she’d found her mouth watering, even though it really hadn’t been that long since they’d stopped for lunch. Forcing patience, she put away her tools, and draped the skin out, before loping to the creek and washing her hands thoroughly.

She was in a good mood, for a change.. maybe it was the weather, which was cool without being cold, or maybe it was the bargain she'd struck to get Argo shod in that village.. or maybe.. it was getting off that damn ship of Cecrops..

Or maybe it was this little, strange, lighthearted feeling she kept getting unexpectedly… which seemed to be, for some unknown reason, centered around a certain bardicly inclined friend of hers.

Nah. She was just imagining that.

"Gonna make a good size bedroll." She’d commented, as she joined the bard near the fire, and accepted the plate Gabrielle held out to her with a half grin.

"Yeah." Gabrielle said quietly, as she dropped down onto a log nearby, and focused on her meal. "Listen..I’m.. um.. I'm sorry you have to go to all that trouble."

Xena had caught the tone in her voice, and stopped where she was, about to sit down on a log across the fire from the bard. She cocked her head, then changed course, crossing over to where Gabrielle was sitting, and taking a seat right next to her instead. "No trouble." She stabbed a bit of rabbit in the stew and bit into it, chewing and swallowing it with a sigh of pleasure. "This is really good."

Gabrielle stopped eating, and glanced at her. "What?"

Xena had eyed her. "This stew.. is really good. Thank you."

The bard had stared at her for a moment, then poked at her plate a little. "Yeah.. thanks." Giving her then the oddest of looks.

Something, Xena had realized at that point, was bothering her companion. "Um." Thinking furiously about that day, wondering what in the…oh. "That jerk still bothering you?"

No answer from the bard, just a vicious stab at a carrot. Bullseye.

A half drunken herdsman, who had laughed at her storytelling, and made several crude remarks about her body that had earned him some laughter from his mates.

And a broken jaw from Xena. "He was a jerk, Gabrielle. Forget about it. I guarantee he won’t do that again any time soon."

"Maybe he was right." The bard muttered softly. "Maybe I am a lousy storyteller."

Oh boy. Xena had racked her brains for instructions on dealing with depressed bards, and came up pretty empty, so she’d balanced her bowl on one knee, and draped her free arm over Gabrielle’s shoulders. "That's ridiculous, Gabrielle. You’re a great storyteller, and you know it."

That had gotten her a tiny smile from her young companion, who peered at her from under reddish blond eyelashes. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better." Then her good humor dropped, and she shrugged. "But you don’t have to do that."

Xena had sighed inwardly. "Look.. I’m not much into this nice stuff, Gabrielle. I told you that because it’s true, not because I wanted to make you feel better. You are a very good storyteller.. I love.. listening to you. And.. this is really good stuff. You’re a great cook."

Gabrielle remained looking at the ground. "How would you know, Xena? You never even notice what you’re eating."

Uh oh.. another sore spot. Xena had let out a sigh, and recited for her their joint meals for the last moon. Halfway through, she was aware of the bard’s baldly amazed look and smiled inwardly. "So. " She finished. "Yeah, I notice." A wry shrug. "I guess you've gotten me hooked on this stuff."

Now a faint sparkle showed in the depths of those green eyes. "Really?"

"Really." Came the slightly chagrined answer. "I guess I can stop pretending that warlordly indifference now, huh?"

The bard laughed softly. "Why didn’t you say something before?" She leaned against Xena a little. "Would have been nice to know.. I’d.. kinda been hoping.."

Why? Xena had sighed to herself. Because it’s so hard for me to admit just how important you’re becoming to me? "Just old habits, I guess." She admitted. "But you’re right.. I should have told you before now."

That got a full fledged grin from the bard. "Wow. Thanks." She paused. "So… um.. you have.. any particular favorites?"

Xena bit her lip and gave her companion a wryly guilty nod. "Well.. yeah. Now that you mention it." That in a mumble, which Gabrielle had to lean closer to hear. She’d known it was a slide down a path she wasn’t sure she could get back up, but at the moment, it just didn’t matter.

Gabrielle had chuckled softly, still within the circle of her arm. "You gonna share that information with me?" She’d had a warm, delighted grin on her face, and seemed to have forgotten completely about the jerk.

Good. "Mmm…I guess I could do that." Xena had answered, with a tiny smile.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. "Xena?" Gabrielle finally spoke up, as she ladled herself more stew, and, with a grin, did the same for her companion.

"Huh?" The warrior mumbled around a mouthful, and glanced her way.

"You.. uh.. went after that guy, didn’t you?" The bard asked, curiously.

Xena finished swallowing, and sighed happily. "Gods.. that’s good. Yeah.. I did." She took a sip of cold water. "Why?"

Gabrielle chewed a minute. "Well.. that’s what I wanted to know. Why?" She dunked a bit of waybread into the stew and popped it in her mouth. "I mean.. he’s entitled to an opinion, right?"

Xena thought about that for a minute. "No, he's not." She looked up and grinned. "Not a bad one, about my best friend, in front of me." She winked at the bard. "Sorry.. gotta live up to that reputation."

The bard turned her head, and looked full up at her, not bothering to mask the gentle love in her eyes even one small bit. 'Thanks." She said, softly.

The warrior had taken a moment, to absorb the sweetness of that smile, then gave one back. "That's what friends are for, Gabrielle. They stand up for one another." She pulled Gabrielle's head down and gave her a kiss on the top of it. "You're a great storyteller, and anyone who's got a problem with that is gonna have to take it up with me."

Xena's eyes now caressed her partner's body, as she set her burden down, and glanced towards the bed. "Smells great." The warrior offered, quietly.

Gabrielle's eyes lit up. "You want some?"

The warrior nodded cautiously. "A little." The throbbing subsided further, and she managed a smile as the bard carefully settled down at her side, and reached up, touching her knuckles to the side of the warrior's face.

"You have chills yet?" Gabrielle's voice dropped a little. "You feel pretty warm."

Xena shook her head. "Nope.. I'm fine right now." She captured the bard's hand in her own. "You, on the other hand, feel like ice." Very carefully she moved over, and lifted the edge of the blanket up. "C'mon in here."

The bard hesitated a moment, then set her bowl down, and crawled under the covers, sliding cautiously up against Xena, and letting out a little sigh as she felt the warmth of her partner's body steal over her. "Thanks." She smiled as Xena's arm curled around her, and settled around her waist. "Mm."

"Mom give you a pep talk?" Xena murmured in her ear, a teasing note in her voice.

Mist green eyes raised and studied her. "Yeah." Gabrielle's lips quirked into a rueful grin. "She's pretty good at that." She sniffed reflectively. "Told me not to worry..that you were.. um…too.." She paused, chewing her lip.

"Pig stubborn?" Xena supplied helpfully, with a wryly knowing grin.

"Er… yeah." The bard admitted. "More or less."

"Mmph." A shrug from the warrior. "Well.. it's true." She lifted a hand and brushed the errant strands of red gold hair back from Gabrielle’s face. "But that’s not why you shouldn’t worry." Her fingertip idly traced the bard’s jawline. "I have way too much reason to stick around here."

Gabrielle found herself drowning in her soulmate’s closeness, absorbing the warmth, and the gentle pressure of her fingertips, and the mesmerizing glint of her blue eyes with a sense of contented pleasure. "Oh yeah?" She whispered, closing her eyes and simply enjoying the moment.

Xena’s hand tilted her face up, and she felt the warrior’s lips gently start under her ear, and work their way forward, ending up capturing hers, sending spirals of warmth through her and setting her hands wandering over the muscular body next to her. "Mph.." She slipped her fingers under the soft fabric of Xena’s nightshirt, and traced her lean waistline, feeling the muscles tighten and slide under her touch. Reluctantly, she stilled her hands, and leaned back, trying to get her breathing back under control. "Hey.. you’re injured here."

A low, throaty chuckle answered her. "Yeah.. and this makes me feel a lot better." The warrior deftly unclipped the buckle on her belt one handed, and ran her fingers up under her loosened tunic, smiling as the bard leaned into the touch with a light gasp. "Though.." This with a regretful sigh. "Probably not going to be able to do a whole lot more." The dizziness had gotten worse again, in sync with her increasing heartbeat. "Maybe.. " She gentled her touch, caressing the bard’s soft skin in a light pattern. "We could just kinda…" Gabrielle snuggled closer, molding her body to her soulmate’s, and toning her own movements down to a delicate, gentle use of her lips. "Yeah."

"Like that?" The bard mumbled, contentedly nibbling on her ear.

‘Mmm… yeah." Xena sighed, feeling her heart settle back down, and the moment of vertigo recede. "Perfect."

Gabrielle indulged in a moment of quiet nostalgia, remembering the first time she’d felt her body respond to her partner’s. Not in the best of times, no.. but…

"Where is she?" She had demanded, from Autolycus, who had leaped off Argo, and strode halfway out of the clearing, obviously uncomfortable. "Autolycus…"

He’d seemed to be arguing with himself, she she’d stopped, and watched him, puzzled.

"No way.. " He said to a tree. "I told you.."

And then he’d turned around, his movements tense and jerky, to face her, with a strange, intent, expression. Even his voice had changed…

"Gabrielle.." And even though the timbre was male, and sounded nothing like her, Gabrielle’s ears heard Xena’s voice, sending shivers down her spine in breathless, tentative hope. Oh gods.. please let it be. Her heart was pounding so hard it was a wonder he couldn’t hear it. Please.

"Close your eyes and think of me." Oh.. that was easy… And so she’d closed her eyes tight, and pictured her friend in her mind.. then felt the world slip a little around her, and a gentle breeze stir her hair.

"Gabrielle." Now the timbre was right, and the voice was hers.. but she was afraid to open her eyes. "Gabrielle… " Again.. and now she had to. She let them open, and her vision focused, vaguely aware of the shifting, gray mists surrounding her.

Seeing only the tall, leather clad figure moving towards her out of the fog, whose eyes shone brilliantly, and filled her whole world.

What came out of her mouth was halfway between a gasp and a sob… as her body struggled to cope with the sudden relaxation of tense, tightly wound grief after all this time. It was her. Without thinking, she rushed forward, then stopped as Xena held up both hands.

"I"m not dead.. not entirely." The warrior had explained, but the look in her eyes… Gabrielle had drunk that look in, absorbing it.. letting it fill her soul with a completeness so unexpected, it stunned her.

But.. "Why did you leave me?" A question wrung from an aching heart. "I have so much I want to say to you."

And the look softened, to a gentle sorrow that begged for forgiveness, for understanding. "You don’t have to say a word." Xena had replied, softly. "We don’t have much time… we have to get to the ambrosia or.. I will be gone."

The hope scrambled to get away from her, and she held onto it with frantic fingers. "I can’t lose you again, Xena." And Xena had moved closer, her features shifting into a smile that became Gabrielle’s entire world.

Closer still. "Gabrielle…" Those eyes locking on hers. "I’ll always be here."

Arms slipped around her, and pulled her close, and before she realized what was happening, Xena’s essence was all around her, and she felt a ghostly pair of lips on her own, as a warm, tingling rush swept through her body.

It felt… so wonderful.. even when the cold air hit her again, and she pulled back, realizing it was Autolycus she was hugging, and seeing the stark startled look in his eyes that slowly eased from shock to studied contemplation of her. "I.. hope.. you two worked things out."

Gabrielle had stood there, with a what she was later sure was the dumbest grin on her face, caught somewhere between relief and bewilderment. "Yeah… " She’d felt soft laughter bubble up, feeling strange after so long. "We did."

Relief that had turned to tense despair, as she later watched Velasca climb triumphantly towards the opening, knowing there was no way she could stop her.

"No." A ghostly whisper tickled her. "But I can.. will you let me?"

No time even to consider what that meant. Just.. "Yes." And she’d closed her eyes, and felt… oh gods. It was like being filled with fire. It was a fierce tingling that filled her from head to foot, and a gentle warmth that wrapped itself around her like a cloak, that was friendly, and familiar.. and loving in a way that brought quiet tears to her eyes, even as she was feeling herself moving, gripping the chakram and leaping with a sense of unreal ease.

It was.. almost like flying.. her body moved with a fierce power, and precision, leaping from vine to vine without hesitation. Velasca’s attacks were parried, and deflected, and she watched the slightly bulging, mad eyes of the Amazon widen as she tried to knock what should have been an easy target aside, but couldn’t.

There was no thought involved… no fear.. just a steady sense of purpose and intensity that never let up. Never stopped.. never… gave up. Even when the ambrosia fell, her body shifted at the last moment to intercept it, and Gabrielle almost heard a gentle laugh as she felt some slip down her tight Amazon halter.

Then Velasca, out of control, was swinging towards her, and she felt the sudden powerful shift of well trained fighter’s instincts driving her body, as she dodged, grabbing the knife and slashing forward in one cruelly accurate cut, that severed the vine Velasca was on, and sent her plunging onto the stakes below.

Then it was over. And she was alone again, making her way down the vine on aching arms that barely held her weight, and entering the hallway, to see Ephiny’s sweating face, and the coffin.

One tiny bit of ambrosia. Would it be enough? She watched as the Amazons opened the lid, glancing uneasily inside, and clearing back to let her through.

In that instant, her whole world narrowed down to a wooden box, and the still, silent body inside it. Her breathing caught, as she knelt, and so..so gently eased the cold lips open, and put the tiny bit of stuff inside, feeling it dissolve.

No change, and her heart settled in her gut, as she sensed the shift of the Amazons looking at each other. "Now what?" Ephiny’s voice broke the silence.

"I… I don’t know." Gabrielle had answered, in a small voice, and gently taken up Xena’s hand, clasping the cool flesh in her own. "Come back, Xena." It had sounded.. so crazy.. so.. hopeless. "If you can hear me.. please… come back." She could almost hear the pity coming from the Amazons, and she gazed at the warrior’s pale face with a growing sense of despair.

And then.. her eyes blinked, and blinked again, as she watched a flush of color wash over Xena’s face, and felt the chest beneath their clasped hands move.

Blue eyes, alert, and alive with intelligence fastened on hers, and they could have been alone, for all she’d cared, not in the middle of a circle of Amazons, in the damp confines of an old tomb. It was just the two of them, and she reached in and cupped Xena’s face, now warm, with both hands and just looked, and looked at her.

And never looked back.

"What’r you thinking bout?" Xena’s voice now curled down one ear, her breath tickling the soft hairs behind it teasingly.

"You." The bard kissed her. "How much I love you." Another kiss. "How much you mean to me." Sighing happily, she nuzzled the side of the warrior’s neck. "How are you feeling?"

"Huh?" Xena forced her eyes open, lifting herself out of the warmly drifting haze she was in. "Oh.. um… " That required thought. "Hurts.. and I’m a little… " A faint shrug. "out of it."

Gabrielle studied her. "Mm." She shifted a little. "Why don’t you get some sleep?" She started tracing a familiar pattern on the warrior’s belly. "Go on.. I’ll keep watch over you."

The pale blue eyes blinked sleepily at her. "If.. I start sweating… or you think I"m getting a fever.. wake me up, ok?" Not even a word of protest.

"I promise." Gabrielle assured her, as she watched her partner’s body relax. She kept up her gentle stroking for a while, as Xena’s breathing evened out, and deepened, then smiled, and picked up the scroll she’d set on the table, propping it on a raised knee and starting to read.

Lady, I have concluded that you have sent her to me to test my patience, and prove myself worthy to sit with you in the next world. Stubborn, she is, as the day is long, and thankfully getting longer.

Days it had taken her to fight off the ill humors of the wound the wolves had given her, days of her lying quiet, and bothering me not with her restlessness, but rather letting me tend her, and meekly taking in what small food my skills could gather us.

I ken she hates the weakness of it, more than anything, she who takes pride in her strength, and her mastery of herself and the things about her. When hardly I thought she should sit, standing she tries, and almost takes us both to the ground when her legs will not hold up under her.

Lady. I ask you… was it fair to tax my long patience with this wild creature? At least you bless me with a source of food in relative abundance.. for a flock of wild geese have sheltered in our alcove, and eggs I have taken, along with weaker birds, to make long simmering soups that warm us.

Tonight I sit quiet, so tired I can barely hold my head up from a day long spent in gathering what I could for us, and watch her, those pale eyes so restless as the walls here close in around her and cage her spirit unmercifully.

She stares at the fire with a dark angry glower, though progress she has made, and today walked outside for the first time since her wounding. The sun has done her well, and she is no longer wasting from her body’s fire, but the wound still pains her and she walks but slowly, and with much effort.

Lady, I am tired. I barely taste the soup before me, and my hands lack strength to raise the bowl, as I have spent my day fighting the river, standing in it’s fury and trapping what things I could in a basket woven by Elevown’s clever hands.

I close mine eyes for just a moment, and then look up, to see eyes like the sea’s fog close by, and feel her hand touch mine, where it rests on the bowl. So tired am I that I did not even hear her passing, though she seldom causes noise more than a field mouse.

"Ardwyn." Her voice is gruff, and harsh.

"Ja." I answer, wondering at her wishes.

She lifts the bowl to my lips, and glares, but I understand, and make to swallow my portion, keeping up until bottom I hit, and feel it’s warmth in me.

She watches, then sits beside me, saying nothing, just watching the fire in silence, but seeming content. I wonder what she thinks, behind those eyes that show so little… and then she turns to me, and it is as if I am seeing her for the first time, when that look is on me, and me alone as is her attention.

She picks up the bowl, and names it. Points to the fire, and names that as well, and I gather my understanding, and know that by her will, our silence is ending.

Till mine eyes were crossing we went, gathering meaning after thought, until the fire burned low and our minds fair exhausted. Half sleeping I crept into the gathered pine needles I used as my bed and settled, watching her still staring into the flames, sleepless.

"Ardwyn." Her voice again, rough with our usage.

"Yes?" Mine answer came quiet.

"Thank you." She rested her chin on her shoulder and turned her eyes upon me.

I answered her look, a warmth curling within me. "What for?"

A faint, faiery smile shaped her lips. "Surviving."

Gabrielle leaned back, and gave her partner a fond look. "At least we could always talk to each other." She paused, and her mouth twitched. "Sort of." Her fingers relaxed on the parchment, as she studied the sleeping warrior for a long, quiet moment. "You know.. you always did drive me crazy with one thing, though."

One hand reached out and snagged a bit of the stewed chicken she'd brought back from the inn. "Yeah.. I'd go on, and on.. and on… and you'd just ignore me.. and I'd think you never listened to a word I said." She pointed at the warrior with her chicken bone. "And then, a month later, you'd repeat something I'd said exactly." A sigh. "How do you do that?"

With a soft chuckle, she set aside the scroll, and pulled over the next one, never seeing the sparkling blue eye that briefly opened, studied her with a twinkle, then closed again.

"Yeah… " Gabrielle repeated softly, studying the next parchment and chewing her chicken. "You never lost the ability to surprise me, Xena." She paused, and smiled. "And I don’t think you ever will."

"What are you doing?" She'd ambled down to the lakeside, taking sensual pleasure in her bare feet, and the soft fabric of the shirt she'd slipped over her water cooled body, after their swim. Xena had flung herself down on a flat rock, and was gazing out over the lake, juggling a handful of thin, flat stones.

"Just thinking." The ex warlord had said, selecting a single stone from her handful, and whipping it across the water with a flick of her wrist. The stone skipped over the surface a half dozen times before it eventually sank.

Gabrielle took a seat on a smaller rock and wrapped her arms around her knees. "Oh." She glanced up over her shoulder and saw the introspective look on her friend's face. "About anything special?" No answer, and she'd waited a moment before going on. "About Ulysses?"

A soft scrape of fabric against stone as Xena shifted, and another rock skittered across the water. "No." But Gabrielle had felt the warrior's eyes on her, and she deliberately drew the conversation out, probing the sore spot inside her with relentless morbidness.

"I.. meant what I said before Xena.. you know that, right?" She'd squared her shoulders, and looked directly up at the warrior. "If you wanted.. to go be with him. Or.. with anyone.. it's ok.. you can just tell me that. I'll.. I have other.. options. You.. aren't.. obligated to keep me around." It was, in one sentence, the most difficult thing she'd ever done. But dancing in front of her eyes was a quiet scene, on a dusty road, and Xena's blessing when she'd chosen another path.

Could she, in good conscience, give Xena any less? She'd wondered, briefly, though.. if it had hurt Xena as much as this was hurting her.

An unfathomable expression in those blue eyes faced her, when she did look up. "He's.. um.. it's ok, Gabrielle. He's not really my type." Was what Xena said, after another rock went to it's watery grave. "He.. really didn't do anything for me."

Silence, as the bard assessed this. "Oh." A little furrow had appeared in her brow. "Well… Xena, I do… I want… you.. I want you to know that if.. you do meet someone who.. um..is your.. type.. then..I don't want to." She stopped and swallowed, unable to meet Xena's eyes. "I don't want to "

A hand on her head stopped her again, and she glanced up, with a disgusted sigh. "I'm sorry.. I'm making a mess of this."

"Gabrielle." Xena's voice held a mixture of compassion and amusement. "That's ok.. cause..um… see.. I've got this problem."

The bard eyed her curiously. "Problem?"

"Mmm.." Xena nodded. "Yeah.. see… I.. it would have to be someone who.. knew.. about me. About.. my past… and..could accept that."

Gabrielle nodded, seriously. "Ok.. yeah.. I could see that."

Xena pulled her lip. "And.. well, it would also have to be someone who could understand who I am.. and the fact that I'm not an easy person to get along with."

Another serious nod. "Yeah."

A smile crept onto the warrior's face. "And.. it would have to be someone I could trust.. with my life. Someone.. with a good heart, who was brave, and kind… all the things I'm not."

Gabrielle sighed. "I see your problem." She reached up and interlaced their fingers. "I.. I hope you find that person someday, Xena, I really do." And that had been the second hardest thing for her to say, because it.. put her own dreams firmly to rest.

The expression on Xena's face was.. indescribable. "Gabrielle.. it's not a question of finding them." The warrior had answered in a quiet voice. "It's.. whether or not I'll have the courage to tell them about it."

The bard gazed up at her confidently. "Xena, that's silly. You're the bravest person I know."

Xena had looked down, with a wistful smile. "Not in this, my friend. Not in this."

Silence grew between them for a time, broken by the soft rustle of the leaves in the warm breeze, and the far off honking of ducks heading past them. "Xena?"

The warrior looked up from their still intertwined hands, and smiled grimly. "Yeah?"

"Have you ever really been in love?" Gabrielle had always wondered, after, where that question had come from. For a long time, she though Xena just wasn't going to answer her. But the warrior finally pursed her lips, and took a breath.

"I.. used to think I had been." Xena answered carefully. "But… now.. I.. don't think I really was." She paused, clearly searching for the right words. "Not the kind of love.. where…you'd do..anything for that person. Go anywhere, be anything… where you looked at them, and.. and.. they became your whole world."

Gabrielle had felt every word of that, as though it was painted on her in bright colors. "Oh.. that.. um..kind." A swallow. "You'll.. find that.. Xena. I know you will."

Xena sighed. "I.. don't think I can inspire that kind of thing in return, Gabrielle."

It came out before she even realized it. "Oh.. you're so wrong." She froze, mentally slapping herself silly. "I.. I mean… I.. " She fell silent, staring out at the lake.

But Xena didn't even seem to notice. She flipped another few stones out across the lake, leaning back with a quiet, contented smile. "Mm… you.. got any plans for dinner?" The warrior finally asked, lightly.

Gabrielle's brow creased. "Oh.. sure.. me and uh.. Argo.. were gonna go compare dandelion clusters." A pause. "You have something in mind?"

A light shrug. "Oh.. I was thinking maybe.. a couple of those salmon out there.. a basket load of those berries. '" She pointed lazily. "A nice fire.. some stars… " Her eyes found Gabrielle's. "You interested?"

Gabrielle let a slow smile appear on her face. "Yeah.. um… that sounds great." She picked up one of Xena's rocks, and tossed it, without much success. "So.. Ulysses wasn't your type, huh?"

"Here." Xena slid an am around her, and took her hand. "This way." She moved the bard's arm with her own, and demonstrated the proper motion. "Like that." A pause. "Nah.. I was never much into that tall, dark and handsome thing."

"Really." Gabrielle murmured, very aware of the powerful arms circling her. "That's… interesting."

"Yeah.. " Xena went on casually, as she untangled herself from the bard. "I'm.. mm.. more partial to a lighter look, myself." She flicked another rock into the water. "What about you?"

"Mmmm.. I don’t' know.. I kind of like tall and dark." Gabrielle mused thoughtfully, as they walked back towards their camp.

They'd looked at each other, and grinned, and kept walking.

"Now, Ares, I look back at that, and boy do I feel stupid." She commented to the wolf, who had jumped up onto the bed and curled up on the other side of Xena. "It's like.. hello, Gabrielle? Anyone home???"

She chuckled softly and started working on another piece of chicken. "I try and try to get her to talk to me, and poof.. for once, she not only talks to me, she tells me EXACTLY how she feels. Do I catch a clue?"

"Roo?" The wolf raised his head, and peered at her, glancing hopefully at her chicken.

"Yep.. a clue." Gabrielle agreed, biting off a piece, and surreptitiously handing it off Ares. "Don't you dare tell your mom I did that, OK?"

"Arguhhffrrmm" Ares mumbled, while chewing.

Stifling a yawn, the bard turned her attention back to the scroll and settled down to read.

I make praise to the Lady this day, for Spring has come, and we have survived the dark Winter, to scamper like children in the newly green meadows below our rocky shelter. I race through the richness of the earth, glad at last to see the rebirth of the world, even in this forsaken land.

The plants I find are strange, but I make them friends, and soon am enhancing our meals with the bounty of the earth, which brings a smile even to Elevown's face, as she peers over my shoulder to see what things I have done with her hunting. I find our tastes to be somewhat similar.. though I am used to more spices in my foods than she is, and have had much fun in teasing her tastes against a suspicious, and reluctant will.

Today she is working on a project of her own, and shares nothing about it with me, warning me off with an imperious hand, and bits of bark thrown my way. At last, as the night's sweetness closes over us, and she comes to claim her share of our meal, she hands me a cup, and settles her arms about her, a smug look on her well angled face, whose planes and lines have become as familiar to me as mine own.

A rich scent of earth, and water, and the world rises to mine senses, and I take a sip, and feel the bright burn of ale as it makes a path through me. Ah.. Lady.. she has the talent for this, and I sigh in pleasure of it. "Ah." I say, but smile broadly, and she gives her thin, tight smile back. "Good."

We made merry that night, drinking of her ale until both mine eyes were swimming, and I lay back along my meager bed, gazing at her as she looks to the fire, her eyes now shadowed, and sad.

"What think you?" I ask softly, as her hands play at her carven cup, turning it this way and that.

Her eyes catch mine, in somber darkness. "Minding me of home." Then she fell silent again. "Thor's justice." This in a bitter, ironic speech that touched me strangely.

"Thor's Justice?" I asked, my curiosity pricked.

Her shoulders slumped, and she toasted me with her empty mug. "I took from you your home, he took from me mine. " Her voice is harsh, and full of anger. At herself? At me? I know not.

All I know is that I must answer. "Elevown." I speak her name, it's angles strange on my tongue. "Much as you believe it, I'll not be hating you." The ale frees my speech as few things other will. "The past is the past… we are here now."

"Never.. meant the slaughter." She whispered. "We'd beached the ships half moon since, and fought every minute of it." Her eyes found my face in tribute. "You Kelti hold to your own, ja?"

"Aye." I nodded, knowing the truth of it. "We do."

She let out her breath. "They came at us in darkness that day.. our blood was on fire from it."

My mind swam in darkness. Never had I thought for what reason the Northerners had for doing what they had done. Always I kenned.. it was because that was what they were. As we ourselves were, when the battle fire took us. "Did you.. send them for such terror?"

An empty, bleak look took her. "Ja." She said softly. "I told them kill all they found, save perhaps a few young we could claim as spoils." She stared into the fire. "My father's young sister was taken in the attack on our camp.. and split asunder for sport. " She paused. "Was her first battle." Her fingers traced the uneven wood. "My heart was on fire from it."

We are not a peaceful kind. As I sat there in silence I made truth to myself that there was, in honest belief, not much difference between her kind, and mine own. We Kelti find joy in battle, and spend much time in the waging of it, and in the telling of it's ways. Never in my life had I questioned that, and did not do so now, but understood what had driven her, and did not hate for it. "It.. is easy to do so when your enemy is faceless, I ken."

Her eyes search mine face, lingering long, and I felt the coloring of the blood as it crept up my skin. I wondered at her thoughts.

"Ja." She finally said, her gaze now firmly rooted in her hands. "Would that all my enemies have faces such as yours."

Aye, my Lady. It was as though fiery insects walked their path up my back, so unexpected was that speech to mine ears. It was, I told myself, but the ale speaking, through her regret for what lay between us. I had no speech in return.. for what could I have said to that?

The fire burned low that night, there in our small cave, drawing our shadows against the walls in dull flickers of reality. A spear of the Lady's moon crept from the entrance, and settled at last across Elevown's silent features, and mine eyes insisted to play tricks on my ale held senses to see wetness beneath her eyes.

Strange, how I seemed to find it so myself, as well.

Gabrielle smiled gently as she let her fingertip trace the letters, the emotions in the scroll triggering memories of her own. With a sigh, she settled the parchment against her legs, and turned her head, studying her sleeping partner carefully, searching for signs of fever.

Letting out a short breath of relief as she saw none, and a touch of her knuckles against Xena's face found the warrior to be cool. She lifted the bandage and winced at the raw skin, but noticed the swelling had gone down, and it seemed to be less red.

"That's good." She murmured, settling the linen back into place and smiling a little as the touch caused a fluttering of her partner's eyelids, and a quirking of one eyebrow over sleepy blue eyes. "You doing ok?" She stroked Xena's cheek lightly. "You feel nice and cool." And you're obviously a lot more alert to what's going on. Her mind added wryly.

"Mm. " The warrior considered this information. The pain had subsided to a dull throb, and with it the chills that had started, and now she mostly just felt.. sore. Her body had apparently just now realized she'd fallen off a cliff, and was deciding to protest. But it wasn't anything she hadn't dealt with before, and so she just tucked the annoying aches back into their usual places and sighed. "How long.. " Her eyes flicked to the window, where the sun's last fading rays were coloring the panes a deep purple against the dark blue of twilight that the fire was pushing against. "Ah."

Gabrielle put a bit of apple jam, sweet and chunky with bits of fruit on a piece of the thick, dark bread Cyrene had sent back with her, then offered it to Xena, watching with a grin as the warrior took it neatly with her teeth and chewed it. "Pretty good, huh?"

Xena swallowed the stuff gingerly, and waited, until she was sure her body wasn't going to take exception to the offering. "Mm." She nodded in approval, enjoying the taste of the cinnamon studded jam and the nutty flavor of the bread. They shared the rest of the loaf, and she felt a lot better for it, especially after washing it down with a large mug of hot tea, fragrant with herbs and honey that sent a gentle drift of summer into her lungs. "Y'know.. going back out on the road's gonna be quite a shock after all this pampering." She gave the bard a little squeeze. "We've both gotten pretty soft."

Gabrielle stretched, and let out a mildly aggrieved sigh. "Yeah... I know." She admitted ruefully. "I guess we'll cope, though. We always do." She gave Xena an affectionate look. "I'll try to keep you from getting too cranky."

A raised eyebrow. "Me?" The warrior snorted softly. "I'll remember that, when those complaints start rolling in."

Gabrielle blinked innocently. "Me? Complain? Xena, that bump must be affecting you." She patted the warrior's arm. "I never complain."

Xena rolled her eyes and laughed softly, letting her body relax into the softness of the bed. "Ok..ok.. whatever you say, your Majesty." She shot the bard an evil look. "But I'll remember that."

The bard grinned, and crossed her arms, leaning back against her partner's shoulder with a contented sigh. "I'm still looking forward to it." She admitted.

Xena placed a light kiss on her upper arm, and smiled. "Me too."

It would be.. different. Gabrielle mused, thinking back the scroll. What used to aggravate her the most about travelling with Xena was.. the constant uncertainty. Her mind had worked itself into a lather over the smallest things.. always trying to figure out what Xena's moods meant, if the warrior was getting tired of having her around.. what the future held.. now that uncertainty would be gone.

Not that she wasn't sure they'd find something to aggravate each other with, of course. She sighed. That just.. happened.. with them sometimes. Xena tended to keep her own council, and just.. do things without letting her know what was going on, and that drove Gabrielle nuts. She understood it.. how long did Xena have to depend on herself, and only herself? But it rankled her, and she.. well, she never was shy about letting Xena know that. Her mouth.. said things that she later thought back on and wished it hadn't.

Their fights were always sharp, and bitter, and now... oh gods.. now they hurt because they blocked off the warmth and gentleness that was there, that never used to be there. Or.. maybe it was, and they were so busy fighting their feelings, they'd just never seen it.

Yeah. That sounds about right. Gabrielle mused thoughtfully. That's why our letting that in was such a surprise to both of us.

A campfire, one of many, not long after they'd left Cirron. They'd spent the day helping rebuild a sacked village, mostly apart because Xena generally helped with the heavy stuff, and she did the organizational chores.. getting supplies back in order, putting the still shocked people to work, encouraging them.. telling stories... the.. uh.. sensitive chats that she was always accusing Xena of leaving her to do.

Which, of course, Xena most certainly did leave her to do, stating reasonably that Gabrielle was undeniably, much better at it than she was. This was a hard one, though, because the village had been hit right during their Harvest Festival, when they'd been celebrating the joining of three young couples, two of whom had lost their homes in the attack.

"But.. " She'd told them, almost losing her patience over their continued wailing about the wreckage. "You still have each other.. that's the most important thing."

"Yeah." The stocky elder standing braced at her side had interjected eagerly. "Listen to her.. look how happy she is.. and she has no home at all."

They'd all looked at her, and she looked back, nonplussed. Happy? "Um. right!" She answered, with a little, embarrassed laugh. What had they been seeing? She had.. she realized.. been smiling a lot lately. Things with Xena had been.. well, nice... for a while now... all warm, and kind of.. sweet.

She'd got them started, and stood for a moment watching, arms crossed, before the apple cheeked village elder cleared her throat. "Oh..sorry… we were going to check your food supplies, right?"

"That's right, honey.. and maybe you can get that nice, strong warrior of yours to help us lift those shelves back up, hmm??" The woman smiled at her, and winked.

My..nice…oh Hera's breastplate, she must mean Xena. "Um… she's..well, I mean, sure, I know she'll be glad to help, but she's..mm.. not exactly… er.. mine."

Both the woman's bushy eyebrows had shot up. "No?" She laughed. "Are you sure?"

Gabrielle's brow furrowed. "What makes you think…er.. that she is?"

The woman clucked at her, and shook her head. "Oh, honey… it shows in your face every time you look her way."

Oh. "It does?" Hades.

"Mmmhmmm…" The woman chuckled richly. "Just like it does on hers." She'd leaned over, and given the bard a poke. "You can tell old Matre now.. hmm? She's a fiesty one, isn't she?"

And that.. had floored her. Just bam, speechless. For what seemed like candlemarks. Not that she hadn't realized they were growing closer..she had. But… she didn't think it was that.. obvious.

To other people. Whom they'd just met.

That thought had nibbled at her after they'd left, and were peacefully settled in their campsite, with her working over a scroll, and Xena...

Xena was just relaxing quietly over on her bedroll, half on her side, idly gazing up at the stars overhead, and Gabrielle had suddenly realized just how often she'd been doing that lately. Not drilling, not fidgeting, not sharpening her sword.. just.. kind of.. like she was thinking really hard about something.

Except that she'd noticed, lately, a few other strange quirks about her traveling companion.. like she was losing track of things... forgetting stuff.. nothing big, just little lapses that were really unlike her. Like forgetting that she'd already collected firewood. Twice.

Gabrielle glanced down, and tried to pick up her train of thought, which seemed to have wandered off somewhere. She studied the scroll she was holding, and her brow creased. I was just.. oh well. She shrugged, and put the scroll down, glancing up and across the fire at Xena. "Hey.. nice work today." The warrior had spent her time teaching the villagers some building tricks, and helped set up pens for their animals.

Xena's eyes jerked up and met hers. "Um." The dark haired woman's thoughts had obviously been very distant. "Oh.. yeah. Thanks."

The bard had gotten up, and crossed over to their bedrolls, dropping down on her knees and peering at her friend. "Hey.. you ok?"

Blue eyes had swept up and met hers, and she'd felt a gentle warmth flood over her. "Uh... " Xena had cleared her throat and rubbed her eyes with one hand. "Yeah.. yeah. I was.. I was just thinking." She looked back up, sheepishly. "How's.. the.. um.. story coming?"

Gabrielle sighed, and dropped onto her side, her shoulders brushing the warrior's knees. "I.. it just went blank on me." She admitted, with a small shake of her head. "I don't know what's wrong with me lately.. it's.. I just.. " She watched Xena's hand trace patterns against the sleeping roll with an almost hypnotic fascination, then shook her head. "I just keep losing it."

She glanced up, and found Xena looking at her, with a half grin. "Yeah.. me too." The warrior confessed. "Think it's the weather or something?"

Gabrielle leaned back, enjoying the warmth of Xena's muscular thighs pressing against her shoulderblades and shrugged. "I don't know." The bard felt a gentle tug as her companion's fingers tangled idly in her hair, and she stretched an arm out along the curve of the warrior's hip, tracing a finger along the line of Xena's biceps. Lately she'd been totally unable to resist her urge to touch her companion.. but that was ok, because lately Xena had developed an unnerving tendency to return the gestures almost absentmindedly.

No protest from the warrior, in fact.. Gabrielle had to look twice. She was gazing off into the fire again, a tiny smile tugging lightly at her lips. "Xena?"

"Hmm?" The warrior looked up dazedly. "Oh.. sorry.. did you say something?"

The bard's brow creased with concern. "Hey.. I'm getting kinda worried about you." She leaned against Xena's body and peered at her closely. "You keep going out on me.. are you getting sick?"

The warrior took a deep, deep breath, and chuckled a little. "Yeah..I... I think I am coming down with something." She stretched, and curled her body against the bard's, gently twitching the dun colored Amazon skirt into place with idle fingers.

"Hmm... is it serious?" Gabrielle asked, suddenly having a suspicion of what was ailing her friend, and that possibility sent a wave of excitement all through her.

Deep blue eyes captured hers. "It… could.. be." Xena admitted softly.

"Mm." The bard felt a giddy grin shaping her lips. "Xena?"

"Yeah?" Came the response, so low it was almost a purr.

"I think.. it's contagious." She solemnly advised the warrior. "I keep... I mean, I'll just be doing something, and then I'll get distracted.. " She let herself drift in that blue regard for a long moment. "Uh.. and I just.. " Blue again. "Lose it." She finally sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I.. it's getting kind of confusing." She finished, quietly.

Xena went still for a long moment, then sat up, and slid her arms around the bard, pulling her into a hug. "C'mere."

Gabrielle let herself become absorbed completely into that, giving in to her body's insistent craving with a blissful sigh. Hugs from Xena were always nice, but now..now that she was letting herself slide down a path she'd kept a slippery halt on for so long, and was beginning to suspect Xena was on the same path... they filled her with a bubbly happiness.

I.. am... in.. love.

It felt so damn good to say that, even to herself, as she felt Xena's hand move slowly, comfortingly against her back in a random, gentle pattern. "Mmmmmmm." She let out a murmur, conscious of the soft leather under her fingertips, warmed with Xena's body heat, that moved with her breathing.

Gods, she smelled wonderful. Gabrielle let that mixture of leather, and herbal soap, and warm, musky skin flood her senses, concentrating on keeping her hands still… disobedient hands, that wanted to wander over Xena's warm body, and were only kept frozen by her own.. fear? Yeah. Even with this feeling between them, she was still afraid that one wrong move.. one wrong word…

And it would vanish, and they'd go back to just…well, she never thought they'd 'just' been friends. But she wanted this… worse.. she craved it She didn't think she'd be able to go back to what they were if this…

Time to step the intensity down a little. "You're really good at that, you know?" With just a little pat on the side, just under her ribs, where the curve of her waistline made a natural resting place for the bard's hand.

Xena released her, and sat back, ruffling her hair affectionately. "If you say so." Then she laid back down on her bedroll, legs crossed at the ankles, and patted the surface next to her. "In the mood for some star chasing?"

"Always." Gabrielle grinned, and scooted down next to her, somehow finding herself encircled by one powerful arm, and discovering that the most comfortable place to put her head was tucked neatly up on Xena's shoulder. "Hey look.. there's the swan."

Xena's head cocked. "Looks like a catapult to me."

"Xena…" The bard rolled her eyes. "Don't be so… so… "

"Violent?" The warrior inquired.

"Historically accurate. I'm sure you can find something more..uh… imaginative if you really tried." Gabrielle scolded her. "There.. what do you see there?" She pointed.

"A boat." Xena replied matter of factly.

More rolled eyes. "Xena…. " She sighed. "A boat, huh? Let me guess… with lots of bloodthirsty pirates on it."

"Nu uh." Xena murmured dreamily. "Nice boat.. small.. with bright blue sails…no pirates." Her eyes blinked a few times and she raised a hand to point. "See? Little sails, and there's the rudder."

Gabrielle looked up the length of Xena's long arm, and studied the pattern. "Yeah..ok.. maybe… but who's on the boat?"

Xena smiled a little. "Us."

A sideways glance. "Us.. as in you and me?"

A nod.

"Oh." Gabrielle felt a smile creeping across her face. "Yeah..ok.. I can see that."

The fire had crackled nearby, and the wind loosely scattered through their campsite, whisking errant leaves through it. But not enough to cover her answer.

"I'm glad you can."

"Y'know Xena.. you really were very subtle." Gabrielle mused, as she sorted through a few more scrolls, trying to figure out which ones to read first.

Long, dark eyelashes blinked at her twice. "Um… I.. Gabrielle.. I .. hate.. to be the one to break this to you..but..um… 'subtle' is not something I am generally associated with." Xena advised her gravely. "But.. what.. specifically were you talking about?"

Gabrielle felt a slight blush creeping up her neck. Gods… I can't be embarassed about this.. I'm sitting here with her practically wrapped around me. We're joined. Get a life, Gabrielle. "Oh…well.. how you..um.. well, when I started to catch on.. that um…" She chewed her lip, and darted a glance at the patiently waiting warrior. "Well.. that you.. I mean…you know."

"Oh." Xena "You mean, when you figured out I was in love with you."

The bard wrinkled her nose at the matter-of-fact directness. "Yeah."

Xena peered at her. "Subtle? Kissing you in front of half the Amazon Nation and an entire village of Centaurs you consider subtle??" She paused and waggled her eyebrows. "Wow."

Gabrielle let out a vexed sigh, and slapped her. "No.. before that."

Xena smirked a little, and rubbed her nose. "That.. wasn't subtlety, Gabrielle. "

The bard half-turned, and snuggled closer, abandoning her scrolls for a minute. "It wasn't?" She played idly with the neck closures on Xena's nightshirt, tugging the loose lying strings lightly and smoothing the fabric. "I don't think I was being very subtle." She sighed ruefully.

The warrior muffled a chuckle. "No.. not really." She gave the bard a playful tweak. "I was.." She glanced down. "More scared than anything else."

Gabrielle felt the silence. "Scared?" She finally asked, after swallowing a few times. "Of what?" She laughed a little and fastened her eyes on her hands. "You.. I mean, you weren't really worried that I didn't…um.. not after that whole… with Velasca, I mean… Xena you were…I know you.. knew.. how I felt."

A tiny smile. "Oh.. that…yeah." The warrior's eyes twinkled gently. "No.. I was.. Gabrielle, I never had a.. " A quirk of her lips. "A lover.. who was a friend first." She paused for a long moment, obviously collecting her thoughts, and the bard remained motionless, soundless. "Let alone a.. best friend." A deep quiet. "Wasn't much for friends anyway."

Gabrielle lifted a hand, and stroked her cheek gently. "Our friendship was.. is.. very important to me."

Xena nodded slowly. "I was.. afraid… I mean, Gabrielle.. things.. change, when two people… become intimate." Her brow creased. "I.. didn't want to.. gain a lover at.. the expense of losing.. " She stopped speaking for a moment, then went on. "Losing my best friend."

"Mmph." Gabrielle picked up a sweet cake Cyrene had sent back with her and bit it neatly in half, offering the other half to her partner. "I thought a lot about that too.. but.. I had a lot of time to do a lot of.. thinking about things when I was with the Amazons."

Xena fiddled with the covers a bit. "Y'know.. I thought I lost you then." She mumbled.

The statement stunned the bard, so much that she let her hands drop, flat against her partner's chest. "What?"

"I knew.. it would be.. something. Sometime. The Academy, you getting married, just deciding to settle down.. I figured the Amazons were a pretty good bet." Xena replied quietly. "Then.. when I was there.. in Amphipolis, it occurred to me that.. " She paused and swallowed, an audible sound in the quiet of the room. "I never really gave you any reason to stick around." She cleared her throat, still not looking at Gabrielle. "Made for some long nights."

Gabrielle let her head drop against Xena's shoulder with a thump. "Great Hera." She muttered. "Ironic.. considering that I did nothing for an entire month, all my waking moments.. and some of the sleeping ones.. except think about you." She laughed helplessly. "My concentration was so shot, I think Ephiny was convinced there was either something wrong with me, or I was drinking in my quarters at night." She gazed up into the shadowed blue eyes. "Xena…I needed you so bad."

Wonder if that was coming through that link too.. we were probably making each other twice as miserable. Xena realized, with a start. "Likewise." She admitted quietly, then cleared her throat again. "Got more scrolls?"

Gabrielle smiled at her. "Tired of talking mushy stuff?" She giggled softly at the mixture of chagrin and sheepish guilt on her partner's face. "You're wrong, by the way." She added, as she tugged a scroll closer, and balanced it against an upraised knee.

Xena poked around in the dish on the table until she found another cake, and shared it graciously with the bard. "Bout what?" She mumbled, trying to catch some of the flaky pastry on her lips.

The bard took care of the problem neatly, before consuming her share. "You.. regularly saved my life, you taught me how to be the person I am, you risked.. everything.. in my behalf.. and you came back from the dead because I needed you to.. Xena, what do you mean, you never gave me a reason to stick around? " She leaned forward, and kissed the warrior's lips gently. "What'd' you think I needed.. breakfast in bed every morning or something?"

Xena sighed, as they parted, and moved the hair back out of Gabrielle's eyes. "Safety. Security. A home." She gazed at the bard sadly. "Not having to worry about some warlord with a grudge sticking a sword in you."

Gabrielle snorted softly, and looked around, gesturing with her hand. "You got a problem with this as a home?" She pinned Xena with a stare. "And as for safety and security.. Xena, get real.. we don't live in the Elysian Fields, ok? This is a hard world.. no one's safe." She let her eyes drift over her partner's body appreciatively. "And.. in a rough place like this.. being protected by the biggest, meanest, baddest most booty kickingest fighter in the history of Greece… " She sighed. "Feels pretty damn safe to me." She settled down with a hugely contented sigh, and patted Xena's belly. "Mine."

"Gabrielle!" Xena's voice was outraged, but tinged with laughter.

"It's truuueeeee" The bard warbled melodically. "And you know it… name me someone better."

A pause, and Xena chewed her lip before taking a breath to answer.

"Ah ah ah.." Gabrielle shook a finger at her. "No Hercules. Not anymore.. did you know I won 50 dinars off Iolaus over that?" She gave Xena a smug look.

Silence. Xena scowled. Gabrielle chuckled. "Gotcha."

"Hmph" Xena growled, focusing her attention strictly on the scroll. The cabin was now lit by the fire, and the scattering of fragrant tapers about the room, and she studied the parchment for a long moment before sighing, and lifting a hand to rub her eyes. "Sorry.. still a little blurry."

Gabrielle pushed her head gently back down onto the pillow. "Just listen then, ok?"

With spring had come our need to wander, and see what there was to have in this new, strange land. The roads were few, and people fewer, but small villages there were, and we trod into them, where Elevown bartered her caught small game for coin, and a few supplies, and I did likewise, with mine herbs, and other things I gathered.

We found the land strange indeed, and the people stranger, driven by the need to serve their own gods, of whom they made speech as though mortal, and familiar. Elevown collects tales of Ares, the god of War, and makes small jokes of how he would be bested by her own Thor.

A day it was, and we were far east of our cave, and come to a small village. To it's market we wandered, picking up this thing, and that, Elevown trotting out grudging her small speech in this land's tongue, though relying on me for longer words.

A thunder I heard, and turned as the merchants scattered. In horror I saw horses riding, with armored fighters mounted on them, weapons flashing in the warm springtime sun.

They kill.. aye, My Lady, I see butchery again, before I am thrown to safety and feel a heavy thatch cover mine head. I struggled to see, but heard only yells, and screams of such terror, it made my blood cold in mine veins, and frightened the two village women who sheltered with me.

A yell I hear too, that fills me full with terror, so familiar is it to mine ears. Elevown is without, no doubt fighting as she loves to do, and braying her Northern war cry which rings out strange amongst the howls of the native kind, and unable to resist, I duck out from under the thatch and set my eyes to searching for her.

What I see chills me. She stands laughing, her axe cleaving the skull of a leather-clad man, scattering blood and bone over the surface of the muddy ground. Lady, I think I will be sick. I take no joy in the arts of war, that was my brother's battlefield.

A clatter, and it is over, and the horsemen are gone, leaving burning huts, and broken lives behind them. But to my own horror, I find these people accept this as part of their lives, and go about their business, picking up broken pieces, and burying their dead with little expression.

The raiders dead are stripped of weapons and armor, and also buried, in a shallow pit which shows signs of having been opened more than once. The smell.. haunts me. Darkness falls, and we are near no shelter, but the village yeomanry have taken to Elevown, and draw her in, offering ale and curious questions of her.

She speaks little, and I do a bit more, to satisfy their tastes, and we spend a pleasant evening, as the village gratefully thanks her for her help in their defense. In courtesy, they offer us a place to sleep for this night, and Lady, I thank them for it when upstairs I go, and find a bed more yielding than the rock floor, or the hard packed ground I am used to.

Oh, the softness of it. I sink down in bliss, and watch, from the corner of mine own eye as Elevown prods its surface with a suspicious finger. "It won't be biting you." I tell her, and she makes her sharp sound as sometimes she does, and lays her axe to the floor, sitting onto the bed as though it were a rocking ship in a storm, and she a seagull unsure of landing on it.

She settles back finally, her back braced against the rough-hewn headboard, her arms crossed over her chest, a fierce expression on her face. I make move to talk, but the image I see is of her laughing and bloody, and I ken that it shows on my face, for her eyes drop, and lose their spark.

A silence covers us. "I will not shirk my love of battle." She finally says, eyes of gray fog in startling coldness. "I hunger for it."

Aye, that she does, I see it in her. "My brother was kin to you." I finally say, knowing not what else to put forth. "I walked a quieter path."

She thinks about that. "Ja.. a milchmaid you will not make me."

"Brwydrwr.." Mine hand puts a gentle touch on her sleeve. "Never that."

Her eyes narrow, as they always do when I speak in mine own tongue. "You do not call me such."

"I call you but what you are, fighter." I laugh, seeing her scowl. "Tis no insult."

She grumbles, but settles down, glaring at the softly done sheets as though it were but a trap to snare her in. "I'll keep watch."

Aye, Lady. What a trial you've sent me here. She is but a petulant girl child, with the body of a berserker. As a stubborn donkey might, I must needs gently lead her to where she will not, in forwardness, go.

"D'you mind if I sing a bit?" I ask, placing mine arms behind my head and beginning to see patterns in the woodgrain above it. I catch her then, for she adores music, though admit it she will never do, and sits entranced, though thinking I don’t' know it, when I spend my time remembering the old songs, and bringing them forth.

And so I do, gentle tunes from my childhood, with words she understands not, but whose melodies ease her, and in truth I also, as the bring a bit of home back to me, long lost.

I see her eyes close, and her breathing deepen, and I finish my song and smile, as her body settles into the rare comfort, and I gently lay the covers over her, careful not to stir her anxious reflexes. In the dim candlelight I see her face, which in the softness of sleep shows her youth most clearly. Mine eyes see her as beautiful, and I tuck that thought back away in my heart, to bring it forth later, when it's poetry I'm laboring over.

I smile, and close mine own eyes, willing the peaceful stillness of the mists to steal over me, aware, in the quiet of the room, her breathing's gentle rasp. She moves for more comfort, her body betraying her mind's intentions and pulling the covers close, and I laugh softly at her false bluster. The morning's light will bring a merry jest to my lips, that I fairly know.

She stirs uneasy, and soft words escape her, and I start a gentle tune I know will coax her back to calmness. Often she does such, and I think she dreams of the shipwreck, for her brother's name I hear, and much else I know not. Surely she stills, but I start as warm fingers curl round my wrist, and lay to rest there

I fall to sleep, still her gentle captive, as peace lays over us both like a warm woven sheet.

Gabrielle glanced up, giving her sleeping partner a fond smile. "And I didn't even have to sing." She whispered softly then smirked. "Damn good thing, too." Of the two of them, Xena definitely had the better voice by far.. Gabrielle herself could barely carry a tune and didn't often try.

As to whether her once taciturn companion could sing…well, that wasn't something Gabrielle had truthfully ever wondered about. She'd taken it for granted, given Xena's general barely veiled tolerance for her stumbling attempts at performance arts, that it wasn't something the ex warlord chose to indulge her time in.

Then Morpheus had captured her, and taken her to his realm, intent on making a bride of her, and taking from her an innocence of the spirit that she hadn't really even had time to think about, so short into her adventures was it.

And, of course, Xena had found her a way out of it. As usual.. though Gabrielle hadn't found out until much later the awful risk she'd taken to search her friend out in Morpheus' realm. Or what demons she'd battled there in her efforts. Just… things worked out.

Except that Gabrielle couldn’t sleep for days afterward, her nights tormented by wispy dreams of Morpheus' seductive world, that kept her shivering and silent in her bedroll, her body aching from the tension and lack of rest.

Until the third night, when a hand on her shoulder nearly sent her leaping back into the darkness of the woods around them, and wrung from her a startled gasp that muted immediately when she saw Xena's familiar features crouched over her. "Gods… you scared me." She'd groaned, when she'd stopped shaking. "Xena, do you have to sneak up on people like that?"

The warrior's cool eyes studied her. "Why aren't you asleep?" In that brusque voice that always held a hint of impatience.

"Umm… no reason. Just.. thinking." Gabrielle had answered back. "That's allowed, right?"

Pale blue ice chips looked right through her. "For three days?" That's a little too much thinking." A slight pause. "What's the matter?"

Oh. Gabrielle had sighed, a little confused. Guess she noticed. Well, since she was asking.. "I.. um.. it's silly really.. just… bad dreams." She'd felt a blush come over her at the admission, and glanced quickly up at Xena's face, half expecting the exasperated look she often got from her.

Instead, the warrior sighed, and thumped down next to her, leaning against the rock her bedroll was placed near, and stretching her long legs out towards the fire. "Lie down."

Puzzled, she had, reluctantly setting her head on the pillow, and gazing up at the warrior seated behind her. "It's nothing… really, Xena.. just some silly dreams.. they'll go away." Then long fingers had touched her temples, and she felt a gentle tingle spread through her as Xena's knowing hands brought a soothing lethargy. "Oh.. wow.. " She'd breathed. "Never knew you could do that." Then, preempting Xena's speech. "I know.. I know.. you have many skills."

That had gotten a twitch of a smile from her silent companion, and a gentle sound filled her ears, a low, rich tone that riveted her immediately. "Hey.. are you humming?"

The sound had stopped, and Xena's eyebrow had risen. "No."

Gabrielle had screwed up her face and snorted. "Yes you were." She stared up in fascination. "Can you sing?"

Another dour look. "No."

But Gabrielle's face had cracked into a smile. "I bet you can." Her voice had turned softly persuasive. "C'mon.. Xena… it's nothing to be ashamed of.. I always wondered about that, cause your voice when you talk is so..so… " She'd hesitated, seeing the look of disbelief on Xena's face. "It's so beautiful." She finally finished, with an impish grin.

"What?" Xena had rolled her eyes. "Gabrielle, you need your hearing checked."

She'd gotten serious, all of a sudden. "No.. believe me, Xena.. you don't talk often. I pay attention when you do." Unlike you paying attention to me, for instance. Her mind added wryly. She probably doesn’t hear one word in fifty. "Please? I'd like to hear you sing.. just a little… a chorus of something maybe.. not much.. maybe it'll get those weird chimes out of my head."

"Chimes?" Xena asked, her brow creasing. "From.. "

"Yeah." Gabrielle had agreed, averting her gaze.

A long-suffering sigh, and Xena's fingertips resumed their work. "All right. " She grumbled. "I'll see what I can come up with."

Gabrielle had grinned triumphantly to herself, and closed her eyes, willing herself to relax. Never expecting the rich, haunting voice that seemed to flow around her and invade every tiny space in her hearing. It captured her, as nothing ever had, resonating with her newly reawakened storyteller's soul and carrying her thoughts aloft.

Morpheus had no chance with her, not now, and she let the peace the music generated settle inside her, nudging her gently into sleep, where she was tormented by no chimes, faced no men with swords, saw no shadows, heard only Xena's voice, and felt only the soft weight of the warrior's hand come to rest on her shoulder.

Until the gray mists of a foggy morning had woken her, to find that hand still there, and Xena asleep, wrapped in her cloak, tucked against her rock. Seeing in the light of day what she'd missed last night, the dark smudges under the warrior's eyes that made her realize she hadn't been the only one not sleeping.

That brought a gentle, wondering smile to her face, as she settled her hand on top of Xena's, and drifted back off into a once again friendly space.

"You old fraud." Gabrielle whispered fondly, setting the scrolls down on the table and tugging the covers up over them both. She lifted a hand to carefully check her partner's forehead, relieved at it's coolness, then lifted the bandage to inspect the long head wound.

A gentle sigh. The edges had closed, and the swelling was way down, along with the angry purplish red color. "Magic." Gabrielle shook her head a little, but smiled, as she smoothed the linen surface down, and settled down to sleep, wrapping a protective arm over her soulmate.

Outside the darkness flowed, the night's sounds steady and uninterrupted, save by a faint rustle, spare and intermittent, which drew closer and closer to the cabin's walls. Eyes peered through the gloom, drinking in the wooden surface with satisfaction, and a dark smile crossed the scarred lips of the watcher.

Soon.

Continued in Part 4

`Standard Disclaimer - These characters, most of them, belong to Universal, and Renaissance Pictures, and whoever else has a stake in Xena: Warrior Princess. This is written just in fun, and no copyright infringement was intended.

Specific Story Disclaimers:

Violence –Oh yes.. there is violence. This is a combination story, and includes both Uber Xena sections, and Regular Xena sections. Regardless of time period, or current incarnation, our lovable Xena does tend to be a violent person. So, we have slicing and dicing, and crunching of bones… but no emasculation in this one.

I think.

Sexual Violence Alert - this section does contain first person recollection of violent sexual attack. It is in the Uber sections, so if this disturbs you, please don't read them.

Subtext - Subtext.. there's a debate going on at this point as to whether subtext is subtext or just plain maintext nowadays on the series. At any rate, this story does involve women who are in love with each other.. so if that puts your undies in a wad, please go choose something nice out of the general fiction area. There's lot's of good stories there.

And while we're on the subject, if you do read past the above warning, and are offended by the love described in the story, email me your snail mail address, so I can send you some German chocolate cake, OK? I feel horrible for you.

UberXena - Ok - this story contains characters of the Uber Xena genre. Some folks don't like to read that. There are sections of two characters that showed up in a previous story of mine (Bound) and they'll be mixed with sections involving our old friends, Xena and Gabrielle. Just want to warn you, OK? OK.

 Any and all comments are always welcome. You can email them to:

mailto:merwolf@worldnet.att.net

Reflections from the Past - Part 4

By Melissa Good

The moon was almost setting by the time he made his move, sliding along the shadows in with intermittent timing, fitting in to the natural shifts of wind, and light, as the darkness grew closer and closer around the wooden cabin that was his target.

He made no sound louder than the random brush of leaves against the dark wood, taking his time, until he rested against the outer wall, his dun colored clothing blending in with the earth, and the surface he leaned against. No need to rush. No need at all.. he had patiently watched, and waited, for a long month now, and at last, he was ready.

A month, to judge his surroundings, his chances.. his target. Especially her. Watched from a cautious distance, not idly, but working in a field as though he was born to it, as he had been. Watched her at her morning exercise, as the long winter months slowed her, made her more careless, less alert to dangers around her.

But never enough. He was not stupid, or prone to suicide, and she was the most dangerous quarry he'd ever hunted. Not so much for her physical skills.. those he had as well, and warriors are warriors. No.. she had something different, an energy that ran just below the surface, and though buried under layers of ease and familiarity with her surroundings, it never wholly dissipated. It was a sense beyond human, and he recognized that, and respected it.

But her carelessness allowed him to drive a chink in her defenses another way, and it was a matter of simply putting in place a scenario, and letting her own nature take her down.

He never really expected her to survive the fall.. seeing her chest moving at the bottom had frustrated him, since it had seemed a perfect solution, and kept him far away from her. But he'd seen the blood on her head, and the rush of the healers to the cabin, and knew this would be his one chance, to get close enough to be sure, and have her unable to defend herself.

Not his first choice. He preferred to complete his commissions from a distance, and allow no contact between himself and a victim.. it was.. safer.. that way, and he'd heard what had happened to Stevanos when he'd made that mistake with her. But he'd accepted the commission.. from the dark cloaked man whose hunched over walk had made him nervous, but not curious. Especially when the innkeeper had leaned over and told him what Xena had done to the man. Even now, even crouched outside this silent cabin, his thighs clenched in pure physical response.

Well, Xena… its about to come home to you. He peered through a chink in the wall, and waited for his night vision to steady, as the low burning firelight within revealed it's contents.

Ah. He smiled, tracing the still figures curled up in the large bed. Carefully, he slid a small tube down another chink, and paused, focusing on a dull, dark spot at the foot of the bed. A sharp exhale, and a tiny whimper, and then he waited.

Patient as the night, watching the last glimmer of moonlight shift the leaves shadows across his arm, in the silver and black landscape. At last, he finished counting, and crept up onto the porch, avoiding the two creaking spots he'd taken care to mark, and slipped into the darkest shadows, which lay before the door.

His hand on the latch, and now he felt the excitement start, as the challenge took hold and the adventure began. A crack only, to let the warmed air out and into his nostrils, bringing faint hints of firewood and cinnamon, leather and animal, brass, and the tickling scent of old blood to him. A bit more, and he was inside, and still, against the wall.

Just listening. A warning bell sounded dimly. Only two sets of breathing. An eyebrow rose.. tell me my job is done for me? Irony of ironies. But no.. his eyes saw two chests moving.. just.. in time with each other. Odd. No time for that now.

A step closer, and he paused, breathing with them, stirring not one speck of dust, hardly moving he air around him. In his hand was miniature crossbow, it's shafts tipped with poison. He would take no chances here, even now he would not step within her grasp.

The curve of her jaw, the pulse beating so strongly he could see it fluttering against he skin. So vulnerable. Stripped of her armor, and her waking senses, she was just another victim.. it was almost too easy, he felt a sense of disappointment as he raised his hand, and steadied his aim.

One bolt, that was all. And a second, for the storyteller.. a different tip, since his commission carried a bonus for bringing her back.

His finger tightened, and squeezed almost lazily, feeling the release as the mechanism triggered, and the small weapon surged back against his grip in a familiar arc. He cocked his head to listen for the comforting sound of the iron head piercing flesh.

But heard a faint slap instead, and focused his eyes on the end of the bolt, seemingly floating in mid air.

Encased in what he suddenly realized was a tanned fist. No. That wasn't possible.

The air was moving, and his body reacted in a spasm of reflexes, throwing him across the room and out of the line of attack from the large body lunging at him. He whirled and twisted, and reached out, his hands grabbing flesh, and heard a stifled gasp.

The storyteller. He whipped a dagger out, and let it taste the skin of her throat. "Hold, or she's gutted like a pike."

Stillness happened. Firelight flickered, throwing menacing shadows across the tall, silent figure facing him. The bandage had fallen off, and he could see the stark line of her injury across her head, over a pair of glinting mirrors that lanced through him with barely contained rage. The tiny drafts moved her shirt fabric, brushing it back to outline her muscular body with random precision.

"Who sent you." Came a quiet, cold voice.

He smiled. "He never gave his name.. but you left your calling card on him." He shifted the knife minutely, and felt the body under his arm stiffen. "Been a long, soft, easy winter, hasn't it Xena? You can't get over here in time before I cut her now, huh?" He laughed softly. "I'll get half my commission, anyway."

Silence, and a faint, perceptible shifting of her weight, over the balls of her feet that sent a chill up his spine. She might try it…

"You made one critical error." Her voice was softly dangerous.

"I should have killed you at the edge of the cliff, yeah." He sighed. "Call it professional courtesy, all right? "

"All right.. that's two critical errors then." The warrior calmly told him, her eyes fastened on his, never flicking even once to the still form he held under his knife.

"Oh really?" He sniffed the storyteller's fragrant hair. "What's the other one then, Xena?"

She smiled. "You assumed she needs my help to get out of this."

His world exploded in pain, as a powerful elbow drove into his ribcage, and his head was grabbed, shoving him down and sideways with shocking power. Then something connected with the back of his skull, and it all went dark.

Momentary silence. "Glad you taught me that trick. "Gabrielle finally breathed, shaking her hand out. "Gods, that hurts."

Xena dropped to her knees beside the still form of Ares, and anxiously examined him. "Glad you waited for my signal. Good work." She felt the wolf's pulse. "Hey boy.. " Her fingers ruffled through his fur, and found the dart, which she lifted to her nose with a grimace. "Damn." She swallowed against a wave of vertigo, and leaned against the bed, as Gabrielle joined her. "Good thing you were up for that. I don’t think I am."

The bard was at her side in an instant, her fingers curling over a linen clad shoulder. "Is he ok?" She peered at Ares with a worried frown.

"Yeah.. he'll be fine." Xena answered, dropping down to sit on the bed, and leaning her elbows on her knees. She lifted the crossbow, which had landed on the bed and sniffed the bolt still cocked in it. "Same stuff he was gonna use on you." She glanced over wearily. "In fact… " Raising the crossbow, she fired the bolt with negligent aim, and watched with an emotionless stare as it pierced the assassin's belly. The body jerked, then went still.

Gabrielle winced, but didn't object. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to her soulmate, and put an arm around her. "Are you all right?"

Xena stared ahead of her in bitter silence for a long moment. "He was right." She turned her head and Gabrielle saw a weary self-disgust there. "I couldn’t have stopped him." She turned away and studied her clasped hands in sullen quiet.

The bard took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Xena… "

"It was my decision to do this. I know." The warrior held up a hand. "I know.. I knew the possible consequences… I just.. " She closed her eyes. "Did the irresponsible thing and didn't think about them."

Silence.

"Xena, get off that self pitying centaur poop. " The bard finally said. "I mean it."

"What?" Xena snapped back, startled at her attitude. "Gabrielle.."

"Just cut it out, ok?" Gabrielle responded hotly. "How many degrees of deadly do you have to be before you're satisfied?"

The warrior stared at her, stung. "Enough to keep my skin whole, and yours!" She shot back angrily.

The bard put her hands up. "You and I are sitting here arguing on the bed, he's on the floor unconscious. I fail to see where the problem is here, Xena." She paused. "He just happened to get a direct hit in on your pride, that's what it is, right?"

Xena got up abruptly, and walked to the window, resting her hands against the sill and staring out. "My reputation has nothing to do with this."

Gabrielle studied her tense form and took a steadying breath. "I didn't say your reputation, Xena. I have as much to do with that nowadays as you do." She saw the warrior's shoulders stiffen, and sighed. "I said your pride." She stood and walked over to where her partner was standing, completely ignoring the glaring signals Xena was giving off that she didn't want anyone near. She put a cautious hand on the rigid back, and consciously gentled her voice. "Look… you can pretend all you want, but I know how proud you are of the fact that you can take care of yourself, and of me, under all sorts of really horrible conditions."

Xena didn't answer, but the bard felt the muscles shift a fraction under her fingertips and stepped closer. "Xena, you're entitled to this. " Her hand swept around the room. " You're entitled to live like a person.. not have to be out there fighting every minute of the day."

"No, I'm not." The answer came out between clenched teeth. "I gave that up when I decided to spend ten years of my life as a butcher, Gabrielle." She whirled. "Peace doesn't happen with that many enemies." The slam of her fist as it hit the windowsill reverberated through the cabin as she turned and stared out the darkened window again.

Gabrielle took a shaky breath. It had been a long time since she'd seen her partner like this. "No." She said gently. "I don’t believe that, Xena… are you telling me you regret these last few months?"

Tense silence, and she could feel the shudder go through Xena's body as she took a breath. "No." The warrior quietly admitted. "But.. I've felt like it was.. on borrowed time. Kept.. wondering what the price would be for it." She turned around finally, and collapsed on the bench against the window, dropping her head into her hands. "Thought maybe I could.. just.. for a little while.." She let the thought trail off and just sighed.

Gabrielle closed her own eyes briefly, and stroked the dark head bowed in front of her. "Hey… " She sat down on the bench next to her soulmate and curled her fingers around the clasped hands Xena was staring at. "You could, and you did." She waited patiently for Xena to look up, and gave her a smile when she did. "Xena.. these last few months have given me some of the most wonderful moments of my life.. I'm not going to let scum like that take that away from me.. " Her hand lifted to brush Xena's cheek. "And you shouldn't either."

The pale gaze softened, and watched her intently, soaking up her words in silence. "You can't live from battle to battle, Xena… you know I'll be in every fight with you, but between those times.. I intend to give you as much joy as.." She let her fingers brush the trembling lips. "As being here with you gives me."

It was no good.. Xena realized. There was no way to fight this.. even if she had even the slightest interest in doing so. "Keep reminding me of that, OK?" She finally muttered. "Maybe someday it'll sink in this thick skull of mine." The tension rushed out of her, and left her feeling lightheaded, as Gabrielle leaned forward and circled her shoulders, rubbing the stiffness out of her neck and touching their heads together.

"Besides, you old fraud.. " Gabrielle commented. "I had to knock that guy out.. I saw what you had in your other hand.. we'd have spent the rest of the night getting blood off of every surface in reach." The bard cast a glance towards the bed, where she'd spotted the chakram half hidden under the covers.

That, finally, got a twitch from Xena's lips, and a hike of one dark eyebrow. "Don't like leaving things to chance." She mumbled, with a touch of chagrin. "Especially not with you."

The bard leaned against her, and patted her leg. "I know that." She gazed pensively up at Xena. "Who do you… I mean, Xena, you haven't been a warlord for over three years… why now?"

"He said I left my mark… " The warrior mused, gazing at the unconscious assassin thoughtfully. "And you were part of…" Her eyes hardened. "I think this was a more current problem, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle nodded seriously. "Rurik?"

Xena's jaw shifted. "Yeah."

The bard thought about that. "He'd have a reason to be mad at both of us." She agreed, then shifted her eyes to her partner's face. "So.. you realize this doesn't even have anything to do with your past, right?"

Xena grunted softly. "I should have… " She stopped, and took a breath. "I'll.. see what we can do about getting someone to do something about him." She stood slowly, and stretched. "I'll.. throw a shirt on and go get Josclyn."

The bard wrapped her fingers in the fabric of her partner's nightshirt. "I'll go." She tugged hard. "You're supposed to be in bed."

Blue eyes studied her for a long moment. "I… need some fresh air." Xena answered carefully. "I'm… it's not… "

"Shh." Gabrielle relented, seeing one argument she wasn't going to win. "Ok.. ok.. I get the picture. C'mere.. " She pulled the warrior over to the garment press, and helped her exchange her nightshirt for a thick tunic and leggings. "You still dizzy?"

Xena fastened her belt and avoided the question. "I'll be right back."

To her surprise, the bard merely nodded. "That’s' what I thought. " And threw on a cloak, along with a pair of her own leggings and boots. "C'mon." She spared a glance for the assassin on the floor. "He's not going anywhere."

The warrior sighed. "Am I that transparent to you?"

Gabrielle gave her a look. "Yes." She knelt and slid a boot onto Xena's foot. "Go on.. if you bend over to do this, I bet I'll be catching you."

No answer, but the warrior meekly allowed her to fasten both pairs of bootlaces, and stood, then walked quietly ahead of her to the door, and held it open. "Gabrielle.. I…"

"Didn't meant to yell." The bard finished for her. "I know.. me either." She stopped at her partner's side, and slid her arms around her, hugging the warrior close, and feeling the reassuring strength as her hug was returned. She hung there in warm hazy silence for a bit, then tilted her head up, and gazed at Xena's quiet face. "So.. when did you hear him?"

The warrior's eyes popped open, and she gave the bard a guilty look. "What?"

Gabrielle allowed herself to be steered out the door, and down the porch steps. "You heard me."

"Uh.. I don’t remember." Xena said hastily, tapping her forehead and wincing. "Head wound."

The bard's eyes slitted to a narrow line. "You fraud."

Xena glowered at her. "Should have been sooner than it was."

Silence.

"Damn it, Gabrielle, it should have been. He got too close."

More silence.

A long sigh. "Over there." One long finger pointing, to a stand of trees in the shadowy distance.

"Fraud."

"Gabrielle, you're not taking this seriously."

"Fraud."

"Gabrielle!!!"

"Xena, if I hear that crap out of you one more time. I'm gonna… I'm gonna… " The bard threw her hands up. "Warrior egos. Gods.. sometimes you're just too much, Xena!"

"What???" Xena exploded in outrage. "Gabrielle, this is our lives I'm talking about here. " She glared at her smaller companion. "It's not about egos!"

Silence.

"It's not." Xena quietly repeated, stopping in the middle of the courtyard, and staring at the frost tinged ground, her hands on her hips.

The bard turned and walked up to her, stopping when they were almost touching and looking up. "What is it, then?" She shook her head. "Xena, I can't believe you're making such a big deal out of a few words from some jerk."

The gusty wind lifted locks of her hair, and whipped them around her face, obscuring it for a moment. "Gabrielle… " One hand lifted and cupped her cheek. "You're a bard.. and an Amazon Queen.. and a teacher… you're good at all of those things.. and.. you're only going to get better.. you know that, right?"

Gabrielle's brow creased. "Um.. thanks… yeah, I guess I… I mean, experience and all that but… "

Blue eyes bored into hers. "I'm none of those things… and as for what I do… I'm not going to get much better at it."

Silence.

"It all goes downhill from here, Gabrielle. Little things.. until one day, you go to do something you used to be able to, and you can't, and a sword ends up in a bad place." Xena paused, and her voice dropped. "That's why there aren't many old fighters." A deep breath. "It's the one thing I can do… and knowing I'll have to spend the rest of my life losing that ability… that's kinda hard on me. So… I'm.. not quite the egotistical pig you think I am."

Gabrielle stared up at her, stunned. "That is not what I think of you." She objected forcefully, her eyes glinting. "And I can't believe that's what you think of yourself, either."

Xena stared off over her shoulder into the dark distance, her face expressionless. "It's what I am, Gabrielle." She finally answered, in a tired voice. "We both know that."

"It's only a tiny part of who you are, Xena." Gabrielle firmly put both hands flat against her partner's chest. "But I'm sorry I didn't realize how you were looking at this." Her voice softened. "I should have realized… and not.. reacted like that."

Xena felt the ache in her chest slowly subside, as the bard nestled closer, and hugged her. Where did that all come from? She wondered tiredly. Feeling a little insecure today Xena? Not a very pretty picture. She stroked the bard's hair, as the anger slowly leaked out of her. C'mon, Xena… snap out of it… you picked this line of work, so put a cork in it already. "S'allright." She kissed the top of the bard's head. "I got a few good years left, anyway." She tried to get them moving again, but the bard refused to budge. "Gabrielle?"

Green eyes blinked up at her soberly. "You think I'm a pretty good talker, huh?"

Xena smiled, and used a thumb to gently trace the bard's cheekbone. "Yep, I do."

A nod. "Good enough to convince you of just how much more you are than some dumb fighter?"

They looked at each other, and a reluctant grin crossed the warrior's face. "If anyone could, it'd be you." She ducked her head and captured the bard's lips, letting the cold night fade out for a few minutes.

Until a throat cleared. "I don't believe this." Cyrene's voice floated through the darkness, from the doorway to the inn.

Xena sighed inwardly, as she felt Gabrielle start to giggle.

"Busted.. big time.." The bard whispered. "Hi mom!" She called out, turning towards the door and sliding an arm around Xena's waist. "Great night out, huh?"

Cyrene pulled her robe around her and stepped down, peering at them incredulously. "What in Hades do you two think you're doing?" She stretched a hand up to Xena's' forehead. "You go running out in a fever or something?"

The warrior sighed. "No.. we need Josclyn…I have a… someone who needs to be locked up."

The innkeeper gave her a look, but glanced over her shoulder, to where Johan was standing. "Jo.. would you.."

"Sure." He grunted, ducking out the door and heading around the corner.

"Come on in here." She took Xena's arm, and tugged. "What happened?"

Xena and Gabrielle exchanged glances.

"Don't bother with that.. just tell me." Cyrene muttered, catching the look. "Listen, after seven foot tall fanged teddy bears, Amazons, and Hercules showed up for your joining, nothing shocks me anymore."

The late morning sun streamed in the cabin window, sending glinting dust motes past Gabrielle's unseeing eyes, as she stood looking out at the line of trees just opposite the door. The assassin was gone, locked up in Joscyln's root cellar, to wait for the reeve to pass judgement on him. Xena..

She sighed. Xena was out there, somewhere. Just… taking a walk, she said. Going back to the cliff, the bard suspected, to try and jog her errant memory of what had happened the morning before. Not knowing.. was bothering her partner, and the assassin had resisted all questioning, even at pressure point, just closed his eyes and called Xena's bluff, taunting her with stinging words and laughing when she cursed and released him.

She's taking this all too seriously. The bard sighed inwardly for the tenth time since she'd gotten back to the cabin. Renas, at least, had checked her head wound, and given Gabrielle a reassuring smile after, quietly telling the bard that other than some bumps and bruises, her partner was in pretty good shape.

Yeah. Xena had come back with her to the cabin, and collected the groggy Ares, coaxing him outside and saying the walk would help him clear his system of the drug. Which, she realized grudgingly, it probably would, and she was probably being a touch too mother hennish about the whole thing. I mean.. yeah, safety is important.. I know that.. but… we handled this guy.. she's just being.. The bard sighed in irritation. Damn her pride.

Gabrielle turned from the window, and faced the room, taking a breath and shaking her head. Looking out the window wasn't doing anything for her except give her a headache.Right. So… do something. She told herself firmly, and trotted over to the hearth, where she flung herself down, and picked up a scroll.

In every life there are destined to be moments when the burdens of the world become to weighty, and darkness settles over even the brightness of the sunlight. Such is this a moment in my lifetime.

I visit a small village today. There is but a tiny market, but I find a piece of cloth that is worth my coin and it is surrendered to me. I turn, and start to cross the muddy path when horse's hooves drum into mine ears and I scramble to get out of the beast's running path to safety.

I am not so lucky, this time. A brush of it's shoulder spins me, and I feel hands grab my shoulder, and a rope's rough touch about my neck. I have no time to twist or turn, I am captured, and thrown to the back of the beast, and hear laughter along with the screams of other souls such as I.

No rescue do I see.. for Elevown is not with me. We have argued that day, and she took her path, and I took mine, and they were separate, sadly so, as we hurt each other with our words, and that weighed on my heart as I struggled to free myself from the ropes that bound me.

A hand claps my mouth, driving my teeth fair into my lips, and I taste the copper tang of blood, feeling it run down my face, and angering my captor, who curses in their rough tongue and sends his fist against my skull, as bright stars color my vision, then fade as darkness takes me.

I wake.. with his hands on me, striking me hard to bring my eyes open, and open they do, to see his face above mine, and I know his intent for me, from the flush in his face, and the stench that rises from him.

Oh my lady.. must I suffer my soul for this? What have I done to shame your memory?

We are in a small house, with but three pallets, and on them are others. I would pray to the lady for them, but I think my prayers will be needed.. elsewhere.

He touches me, and I feel my guts rebel, but his hand covers my mouth and he laughs, as cold steel cuts my clothing from my body and I feel the draft from his movement above me.

He touches me again, and I fight him, struggling to keep him from his pleasure, but his body is far larger than mine own, and he pins me in place and has his way.

And has his way inside of me.

Oh Lady.. it hurts. It is as though my guts were being ripped out and torn from me, as his hands go here, and there, and wring screams from my lips as though I was a child.

I lose track of time, as he takes his pleasure not once, but again, and my mind becomes numb to the feelings, and sensations his actions drive me to. I amuse him, for he laughs.

He laughs, and my soul crumbles within me, in a shame so intense, that I would wish a thousand deaths to anyone before feeling as I do.

The Lady has forsaken me, I know it, though what I have done that claims this as my fate I know not.

Elevown has forsaken me, her anger driving her elsewhere.

I am alone.

I am.. nothing.

Anymore.

Is there one of him? Two? More? I know not. I care not. There is only pain, and that becomes my constant companion, as time becomes meaningless and I go myself into a gray place where there is no love, no friendship…. There is only movement, and the sounds of his grunting and the shredding of my soul.

Darkness falls, and I lay still, knowing blood covers me, for he has done damage to my insides, but I care not. My heart is so heavy within me, I wish it would stop beating, for then, maybe, I could rest in final peace, and get quit of this agony, of which the emptiness I feel is by far the worst part. .

He is back. I do not please him, for I am damaged, and cannot move to his pleasure. He makes free with me, using a.. I know not what, but that it is painful, and rips me asunder, sending a warm wash of blood down my legs and a wave of pain so violent, that it is as though spikes are driven through me.

I scream, but no sound comes. The emptiness has swallowed that as well.

He strikes me, and the black silence comes at last.

Gabrielle took a shuddering breath, and felt warm arms enclose her, steadying her shaking hands and a low voice whisper soothing words in her ear. "Ok.. ok.. I got you."

She swallowed. "Xena…"

"Shh." The warrior slid in behind her, and pulled her close. "It's all right."

Gabrielle let herself sink into their connection, feeling it solid, and warm, and reassuring, letting it drive the horror of the words out of her imagination. "Xena.. that's.. it's.. how could she.. if that ever happened I couldn’t.."

Xena stroked her hair softly. "I know." She removed the scroll from the bard's nerveless hands, and set it down. "C'mon.. let's go for a walk.. I think I saw the first new flowerbuds today."

The bard remained silent for a while, just soaking in Xena's comforting presence. "How was your walk?" She finally asked, looking up at the angular face above her, noting the tiny strain lines that had been gathering at her eyes were gone. "How's Ares?"

"Roo?" The wolf poked his head against her shoulder, and gave her a lick.

"He's fine, and.. I um… " Xena chewed her lip. "The walk was fine until I got the feeling someone here needed me." She made a note to apologize to the miller, whose wagon she'd hurdled, scaring his mule out of good sense and sending it's cargo scattering.

Gabrielle felt the faint dampness of sweat under her tunic, and cocked her head. "Then it stopped being a walk, huh?" She glanced down. "Sorry."

Xena scratched her nose. "That's all right.. I was.. um… I didn't mind the exercise." She muttered. "Cleared my head a little."

"Yeah?" The bard sighed. "Thanks… I didn't expect to be…" Her eyes drifted the scroll. "Xena, that was horrible."

"I know." The warrior replied softly. Guess I'd better distract her a little…"Um.. and I .. uh.. remembered what happened." She added in a mumble.

Gabrielle glanced up. "Really?" She noted the vague look of chagrin on her partner's face and wondered. "That's great… so.. what did happen?"

"There was this.. um…" Xena's hands shaped a small bundle. Well.. maybe leave that part out.. I'll never live it down. "Anyway.. I had to crawl out on this little ledge.. and I guess it broke off under me." She paused, and played with a lock of Gabrielle's hair, not looking at her. "It.. um.. looks like he chiseled off part of the ledge underneath.. so I just kind of.."

"Fell." Gabrielle nodded. "So.. he didn’t' sneak up on you and push you over."

"Um.. no." Xena admitted sheepishly.

"And you couldn't have seen what he did to that ledge." The bard persisted.

A reluctant shake of the head. "No but…" Damn it.. I should have… I should have…. Augh.!

Gabrielle looked at her with quiet intensity.

Xena sighed. "No.. and I had no reason to suspect anything had been done to it." She finally admitted grumpily.

"Feel better?" Gabrielle's voice was gentle.

"A little." Xena grudgingly confessed. "C'mon.. let's go outside."

Gabrielle fingered the next scroll. "Xena.. I'd.. I'd really like to know what happened to her.. if.. I mean, I'd like to.. read it now.. if you'd.. stay here with me." She paused. "Unless it bothers you.. I mean.. I know… you…"

Xena shook her head, and sighed. "No.. it wasn't… that kind of thing with me, love." She gently smoothed the hair of the bard's forehead. "I'll read it with you if you want."

Gabrielle took a deep breath, and let her eyes turn to the scroll, curling her body tightly into her soulmate's before starting to read.

I wake to silence, and I realize I am no longer on a pallet, but resting on soft furs, and the scents my mind tries to force on me are not the filth and the stench of the hut, but instead the pungent smell of pine, and of granite.

How cruel, to bring me the scents of home, here in this nightmare place. I can almost hear the gentle crackle of the firepit, and the soft, irregular rattles of the never-ending breath of the mountain around us.

It does not fade. I weep for it, so richly do I long to feel the confines of that solid rock around me, and be out of this place, and into that one, even if Elevown is no longer there to greet me.

Now a sound intrudes, and I moan, as the pain racks my body, and I wait for him to come again to me.

My mind tries to fit the sounds to his heavy boots, but does not. It brings me the ring of soft footfalls against granite floors, and the subtle clink of ring armor that does not match his filthy gear.

I cannot rid myself of the illusion of where I am, so wearily I force mine eyes open, to paint the horror on my soul anew.

But my vision, blurry it is, does not see the dirtiness of the house.

It sees rock walls, alive with the flickering shadows of the fire, and my body lays not on a filthy pallet, but on mine own bedroll, wrapped in gentle swaths of linen..

I am home. I cannot believe it.

The footsteps draw closer, and I feel fear taking hold of me, bidding me hide.. surely he will not come here.. not.. home.

Mine eyes trace the doorway, and a frame fills it, stopping a moment before ducking within and coming into the knowledge of the light.

It is Elevown.

To see her, my horror leaves me for a long instant, as I try to understand what mine eyes are showing me.

She is covered in blood.

It cakes her hair, and stains her garments, long streaks run down her arms, and cover her legs, and her ax, which she holds in a weary hand, is so solid with it, I cannot see even the boldest of it's carvings.

Across the shivering fire, her eyes meet mine own, and for an instant, just an instant, my trials are forgotten as I absorb the anger, and bleakness I find there.

Lady, what has happened to her? A worse fate than mine own?

She lets the axe fall, a sharp sound against the rock, and walks slowly towards me, dropping to her knees as she reaches my side and holding her crimson stained hands before her.

"His blood." Her voice is so harsh, I do not recognize it. "Not one thing lives where he was."

Oh my Lady.

I understand then what has happened to her. What she has done, in a rage so complete it still shakes her hands, and strangles her throat.

Both of our souls have been taken from us this night, and I wonder, as I watch in silence her collapse at my side, if we will ever find them again.

Gabrielle carefully turned the scroll over, and set it down on the rug, her eyes focusing on the flickering fire ahead of them. She sat silent for a bit, then sighed. "Do you know what I'm thinking about?"

Xena rested her chin on the bard's shoulder. "A promise." She answered quietly.

"Mm." The bard agreed softly. "I wonder… is vengeance ever the right choice, Xena?"

The warrior let out a soft, humorless laugh. "Up till three years ago, I would have said oh yeah, every time." She closed her eyes. "The fire that lights up in you.. the desire to take your anger out on someone else… Gabrielle, that is so.. so.. strong."

"I remember." Gabrielle murmured.

It had stuck in her mind's eye, replaying over and over again until she'd thought she was going to scream.

Callisto's sword driving into Perdicus. Her laughter. The utter shock on Xena's face, as they both dashed to his side, and caught him as he fell.

He died in her arms, a faint look of confusion and surprise on his face, never expecting his first day of marriage to also be his last.

It was as though her mind just.. closed off, and became a simmering pot full of hatred and anger, that kept boiling over and making her think of ways to give back to Callisto the pain she'd given her. Oh.. how she'd imagined it… her driving a blade.. any blade into that smirking face.. until she'd finally snapped, and grabbed the hilt of Perdicus' sword, dragging the weapon with her towards an old oak tree in a meadow she'd played in as a child.

How awkward the sword had felt, and she'd tried to make the weight balance, with little luck.. only making her even more angry, and more frustrated, as she finally just started swinging the heavy weapon against the tree, taking savage bites out of the bark and scattering pieces of it all over her, and the grass around her.

Even that hadn't helped, it had just made her tired, and she'd realized she needed to know how to make the sword do what she needed it to do, in order to kill Callisto. Kill Callisto. That's what she wanted to do. She wanted to feel the blade of this sword cut that bitch open so badly it became a chant in her mind.

But she had to learn.. and the one person she knew could teach her was now standing next to her, trying, in her awkward way, to provide some comfort. I don't want comfort, Xena. Her mind screamed. I want her blood on my hands.

Oh no.. but Xena wasn't going to teach her… no.. Xena wanted the pleasure of doing it herself. No way. She'd poked the warrior in the gut with the point of the sword once.. twice…

And felt the sting as it was taken out of her hands with a half hearted roundhouse kick.

Why was Xena being so stubborn? She knew all about vengeance.. if it had been her husband, she'd have been the first one to go after Callisto, right? Or… Her mind quieted for a moment. Or if it had been me, promise or no promise.. I look into her eyes, and I know what the truth is. So teach me, Xena.

Teach me. Give me release from this… when I kill her then maybe I'll be at peace. And she'd tried.. oh.. sure… but her heart wasn't in it, and the bard could tell, and later that night, after moonrise, she'd wandered outside, her feet moving without her conscious direction, and stopped outside a small glade lit by silver moonlight.

That fell on a dark, bowed head, and glinted off the polished metal of an upraised sword clenched between Xena's powerful hands.

She remembered every single word.

"I'm not.. real good at praying. But.. I don't.. know what else to do." She'd never heard Xena's voice like that before, and it captured her completely.

"Please.. please.. don't let that light go out in her face.. I couldn't stand the darkness that would follow."

Xena, begging the gods. She'd slipped away, and found Callisto's lair, and held the trembling edge of her sword to the outlaw's throat. So close.

And then her mind had pictured that bowed head, and the anguish in Xena's voice, and she'd understood what the warrior had been trying to tell her. Xena's way.. was not the right way.

Forgiveness was.

And so she had forgiven.

Xena leaned her head against her soulmate's. "I remember too."

Gabrielle turned her face a little and rubbed her cheek against her partner's. "I saw you in that glade, you know." The warrior blinked in surprise, and Gabrielle could feel the gentle tickling sensation as her lashes brushed against the bard's cheek. "I wrote a poem about it."

Xena sighed softly. "That.. was a long couple of days for me." She swallowed. "Didn't know you heard that." A brief, pained smile claimed her lips. "Poem?"

Gabrielle nodded, biting her lip a bit. "Yeah.. I um.. I had a lot of things to work through after that.. it took me a while. So I started writing some little poems and things about how I felt.. about what happened."

Obviously. Xena sighed inwardly. She sure couldn't talk to me about it. "Sorry I wasn't much help there." Besides…I had a few things I was working out myself.

Gabrielle turned and slipped her arms around Xena's body, butting her gently on the shoulder with her head. "You helped." She assured her partner quietly. "I don't even think you knew you were doing it.. after that whole thing with Ares' sword, you got… " She paused, searching for the right word. "Just when I needed a pat on the shoulder, you were there for me." She let out a little breath. "It made all the difference."

Xena pursed her lips and looked down. "I.. um.. figured out that I'd.. been making some pretty stupid mistakes with you." She admitted quietly. "Tried to make up for it.. just in little stuff."

Gabrielle took in several breaths before speaking. "Because of Perdicus?"

Long silence. "Yeah." The warrior finally answered, briefly.

"Mm." Her partner murmured. "I… noticed the change." She looked up and smiled. "It felt really good."

Xena gave her an uneven grin. "Wonder how they're going to cope with things?" Her eyes flicked to the stack of scrolls, curious, and looking for a change of subject.

Gabrielle leaned forward, and twitched over the next one, putting it into Xena's hands while she poured hot water over some tea in two large mugs, and stirred in a spoonful of honey into each. "How's your head?"

"Hmm?' The warrior looked up, and accepted the cup Gabrielle was holding out with a smile. "Thanks.. um… a little achy.. but not too bad." She settled back against the hearth, and smiled as the bard leaned against her, pulling close a plate of flat bread and cheese that she began to portion up and share. "Gabrielle." The warrior chewed and swallowed. "You gotta stop doing that if you want me to read this…oh." The next bite of cheese was passed from the bard's teeth, giving Xena an excellent opportunity to prolong the contact. "Mmmm…"

The subtle taste of honey was intoxicating, and Xena found herself losing interest in the scroll, which she put carefully down, freeing that hand which immediately tangled itself in Gabrielle's hair. She tilted the bard's head gently, and nibbled her way down the firm jawline, feeling the heat of her partner's breathing suddenly increase as it rushed past her ear. The pulse point under her lips picked up, and she smiled, letting her other hand wander slowly between them, loosening the belt on Gabrielle's tunic, and slipping inside to find warm flesh.

She let her fingers trace the bard's ribs, and slide upward, as Gabrielle's body moved to meet her touch, and the bard's hands delicately found familiarly sensitive spots under her now unfastened shirt which she didn't even remember Gabrielle unlacing. A feather light stroke along her side caught her attention, and her body reacted as the fingertips glided across the plane of her belly leaving an unconscious ripple of movement in their path.

She slid down onto the rug and pulled Gabrielle down with her, and they settled on their sides without breaking contact with either lips or hands. She realized her shirt was completely off now.. and wondered idly how the bard had managed that, then decided she didn't care as Gabrielle's lips began to work their way down her collarbone.

"Hey." The bard's voice was very husky, as she leaned forward, and nudged her partner gently onto her back. "No over straining yourself."

Xena briefly toyed with the idea of resisting, then relented, relaxing under the bard's insistent touch, and sighing as she felt the warm comfort of the thick fur rug warm her bare shoulderblades. "This isn't strenuous." She objected lazily, ducking her head forward and nibbling the soft flesh on the inside of the bard's upper arm.

Gabrielle smiled against the gentle curve she was working her way down. "Not yet." She paused for a moment, just breathing in her partner's scent. "But I get to do all the work this time."

An eyebrow quirked up, and she shifted, kissing it gently, then settling back down. "Besides.. I'm really enjoying the view." The bard's low chuckle sounded, as she let her mist green eyes travel lovingly over her partner's sleek form. She ran her fingers lightly over the warm skin under her, and watched the muscles ripple under it. "Oh yeah." Her hand drifted further, and she leaned over, resuming her lips gentle exploration as her touch slid down the curve of Xena's hip and trailed across her thigh. She felt the warrior's chest heave and exhaled softly in sensual pleasure.

Xena felt all control slipping, and she let it go, having long since allowed herself to trust the bard to an extent she had no other. Gabrielle knew.. everything.. had hunted and explored with her own particular brand of persistence until she knew every nook and cranny of the warrior's body. She knew the sensitive spots, and the ticklish ones, and the few places that old scars left painful and aching. As she did of Gabrielle's, of course, including the one tender spot on the inside of the bard's thigh that got her every time.

Then she stopped thinking about that.. or anything else as the bard got serious, her breath tickling a path down the centerline of Xena's body, leaving tiny nibbles of warm flesh in it's wake as the insistent wash of passion washed over both of them.

"Mmph." Xena indulged herself in a yawn, glancing aside to where Ares' muzzle rested close by her ear, his gentle breathing stirring her hair with a warm stream. "Hey."

One yellow eye popped open, and regarded her, followed by a pink tongue, which curled out, and licked her ear "Cut that out." She hissed softly, looking down as Gabrielle stirred, and nestled closer, tightening her grip on the warrior's sprawled body. "Hey…." She felt a chuckle slip out. "That ..um… "

"Tickles." The bard mumbled against her skin. "Thought I was supposed to do all the work that time." She raised her head, and peered at Xena through one half-open green eye. "Not that I'm complaining.." She shifted her weight a little, and put her chin down on Xena's breastbone. "I'm not squishing you, am I?" Belatedly remembering her partner's bruises.

"Nope." Xena sighed contentedly. "It feels great." She closed her eyes and hummed softly.

The bard's eyebrow rose a fraction. "What.. my squishing you?"

"Yep." Came the drowsy response, breaking through the idle humming.

"Oh.. so I am squishing you." Gabrielle reasoned. "You saying I weigh too much?"

Both dark eyebrows shot up. "That's not what I meant." Xena objected. "At all."

"It's your mother's fault." The bard pouted. "All those cakes."

"Gabrielle." Xena bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"Well, it is.. and you don't help.. you're a bad influence.. awk!!!" Gabrielle yelped, as she was lifted easily up above her partner's relaxed form. "Xeeeeannnna…..you know I hate heights."

"Ok.. you listening to me now?" Xena asked casually, as she studiously examined the bard's body suspended over her own.

"Yes." Came the meek answer. "Let me down."

"You are not squishing me." Xena stated. "Got that?"

"Uh.. yeah." Gabrielle nodded. "Got it. Let me down."

The warrior's eyes drank in the sight of her partner's lithe, powerful form from her tense legs, up past her hips where Xena's hands gripped her, across her muscular waistline, and up to where her compact shoulders and arms were spread, as she tried to balance and not cause Xena to drop her. The firelight rendered her golden, and brought a genuine smile of admiration to the warrior's face. "You are truly beautiful, you know that, Gabrielle?" She told the bard fondly.

A blush colored her skin, reddening the already golden tinge. "Can I get down now?" She asked softly, sighing as Xena lowered her gently and tucked her back into her favorite spot. "You really think so?"

"Yep." The warrior assured her "I really do."

They snuggled for a while longer, then got up, and slipped back into their clothing, as Xena resumed her relaxed slouch against the hearth, and picked up the scroll again. "Where were we?"

Gabrielle tucked herself up neatly and offered her partner a fig. "Do you really want to go back to where we were? Not that I mind.. but this scroll'll never get read." She poked Xena lightly in the ribs.

"Mmph." Xena chewed the fig and swallowed. "Figs in honey? Isn't that overkill, Gabrielle?"

The bard sucked off a fingertip. "You complaining?" She popped another fig into the warrior's mouth. "Guess not."

Xena mumbled something, and turned her attention to the scroll, reading a moment, then sighing. "Poor Ardwyn."

How long did I lay there, I know not. The pain is become an unending ache, and I curl myself into a ball and move but little, feeling tears leak from me at the mere pressure of mine breathing.

Elevown had stood, her body lacking any grace, and stripped off her clothing, the sounds of it's stiffened fabric coming to mine ears, then the splash of water as she cleans herself.

I cannot bear it. My mind cries out to return to the dawn and change my steps, take away our angry words, and return my life to the path it had been walking on.

I find myself retreating, seeking the empty spot within so that I may climb inside it, and so get free of the pain, and the anger, and the soul rending feeling of shame which covers me more surely than the linen wrap whose very touch burns my skin.

Footsteps, and I flinch. A hand on my shoulder, and I shudder, a cry escaping from me in my fear before I can hold it. I cannot make my mind believe it is only Elevown.. I see images of my attacker. Hear his voice. Smell him.

The lady takes mercy on me, and I go back down into the darkness, where the pain is not, and I can make believe this day never happened.

***********************************

I wake again, and feel hands on me, and scream. I struggle, knowing not where I am, but the touch on me is gentle, and the words are not spoken in his voice, but in one well known to me.

I quiet, and suffer her touch, but the pain is knotting in me as though animals chew at mine insides, and I fear that all her efforts will be for nothing.

And in truth, I wish it so.

I do not wish this to be part of the tapestry of my life.

It has been days, perhaps, I cannot remember.. all I know is the pain, and the grayness calling to me, into which I spend more and more of my time, leaving the bright world behind, as mere whispers in a language I no longer wish to understand.

In the grayness it is safe. Nothing can touch me. I do not have to listen to the voice of the world.

But the whisper comes. It speaks my name. Mother, must I listen? You are all gone now.. there are none left whose voice I want to shape the notes of my name.

Save one.

Aye.

The one who killed you. Is this my punishment, then.. for allowing one such as her into mine heart?

It must be so. I will take her out of my heart now, so that I might join you soon, with a clear thought, and no regrets.

I miss you mother. I will be glad to see you again.

Whispers. Leave me. I do not wish to hear you.

"Ardwyn." It is my name, but her voice sounds so strange, I wonder, and cannot help but listen.

"Please." The voice trembles, and I hear it, unable to block the rawness of it from mine ears. "Don’t leave me."

I am caught. The gray mists beckon, and mine life holds but pain, and a sorrow beyond bearing covers me. And yet.

And yet. Can I deny her this? She calls, and I feel I must answer. What hold is this she has on me? I know not.. but know that she once fought the darkness to stay by my side, and I cannot do less at her asking.

But what use can she have for this broken vessel? What respect she has for me is lightly held at best, our argument circled round my use of mine own language, which angers her hearing.

I think that is from guilt. She cannot bear it.

"Ardwyn." The voice returns, and I feel myself lifted and cradled as a child would be. My head falls back against her chest, and I hear, as though a drum sounded distant, her heartbeat "Crefu ar"

I cannot have heard that. It is her voice, but that speech is mine from the cradle. "Ai e?" I imagine I say that, though surely I do not recognize that bare slightness as mine own voice.

The arms close so gently over me. "Aros.. crefu ar."

Stay, I beg you. Never have words settled their weight on me so clearly. That they are of mine own tongue, and that she has struggled to form them.. scouring the meaning from what source I do not know.

Through the coldness, the darkness, it touches me. It throws a line into the harsh waters in which I drift, and against my will I clutch at it, wondering that what has happened to me has not driven her aside. She cannot abide weakness, and I have submitted to this horror as though I am but a child, with no defense.

Can I trust this? Trust her? She too, is a conqueror. But the pounding heart under mine ear and the shaking of her arms around me betray her, and the words she uses are no command, but instead a pleading.

My heart finds it is of a mind to answer. If the Lady wills it, I will forgo the gray mists, and live with the knowledge of what was done to me, and try to forgive it.

I know not if I can.

Once again, I choose life, and suffer it's horrors.

A log cracked in the silence that followed, sending a few lazy sparks up into the chimney. Xena ran a finger down the edge of the scroll and nodded a little. "She’s tough."

"Bet she doesn’t think so." The bard responded, with a tiny grin. "I never did… until I got places, and starting telling stuff about what we’d been doing, and everyone’s jaws started dropping."

Xena gave her a sideways glance. "I knew you figured that out the first time you actually complained."

Gabrielle stared at her. "You were pushing me, weren’t you?" She whispered, realizing. "You were trying to discourage me." She got up, and walked over to the window, wrapping her arms around her chest. "Damn." She turned abruptly. "Do you know how hard it was sometimes, to just.." She paused. "Or did you figure if you ran me into the ground, I’d just leave on my own?"

Xena’s blue eyes seemed almost gray in the mixture of daylight and firelight. "Only way I could live with the guilt, I guess." She gave the bard an apologetic look. "Such a big part of me was convinced you shouldn’t.. have been out there." She took an uneasy breath. "I.. thought if I made it hard…well.. at least I knew you weren’t doing it for any damn fool romantic notions."

Gabrielle gazed at her for a long moment, her face unreadable. Then, finally, the soft skin around her eyes crinkled as she smiled. "Oh boy, were you ever wrong." She dropped her head and sighed. "That was the only thing that kept me out there sometimes." Her jaw worked as she thought in silence, then her head raised, and she pinned Xena with a direct look. "You always knew when to stop pushing though, didn’t you?" A soft laugh. "I’d be right at the end of my rope, just… on the verge of giving in, and giving up.. and all of a sudden.. poof. You’d decide on stopping. Or offer me a rider.. a cold drink.. or.. like you’d just decided to off the top of your head." Her smile widened. "You fraud… you didn’t really want me to quit, did you?"

Xena gave her a lopsided grin. "Well..." Busted. "Um…no. I didn’t." She stood and stretched. "There.. was just this.. little soft spot that kinda grew around you.. and it.. mm.. just kept getting bigger."

Gabrielle chuckled. "Yeah.. I noticed how mellow you started getting after a while."

A very raised eyebrow greeted her. "Mellow?"

"You know what I mean." The bard rolled her eyes. "Mellow for you… but don’t worry, I’m the only one who noticed, I think." She paused, then her expression darkened. "Xena, what did he do to her?" Came the quiet question, as Xena took a long swallow of tea to ease her throat. "It's so horrible."

Xena remained silent for a minute, then put her mug down and walked over, circling the bard with her arms. "He.. um.. from the description she gives.. I think he.. used something.. to.. um.. " Xena's nose wrinkled in disgust. "penetrate her with."

Gabrielle winced. "Something?"

A light shrug. "Stick. or…whatever."

"Oh.' The bard muttered, appalled. Her eyes slowly lifted. "Nothing like that ever.."

Xena closed her eyes. "No." She rested her head against the bard's for a moment. "No.. I was just.. very young, and very… um.. trusting."

Silence.

"You want to talk about it?" Gabrielle's quiet voice in their old code.

She almost said no. Gabrielle wouldn't push her on this one, and did she really need to drag it all out again? Long time ago. Then her eyes met the patient green ones that was so close she could see clearly the faint golden specks floating in them. "I was just a kid."

Gabrielle's fingers closed over hers, and squeezed.

"Seemed like a nice guy.. we did things, went places… couple of moons I guess." Xena's voice went remote. "Then one night… late summer.. we went into the barn.. he said he had some new game he wanted to play." Her eyes blinked slowly. "He.. I let him tie me to one of the stall doors and he.. " A shrug. "Didn't take long."

Sparks were beginning to fly in Gabrielle's eyes, and Xena could almost feel her hackles rising. She smiled quietly at the thought, then sobered. "Yeah.. well, then he just left me there.. told me it had all.. been this bet."

"What?" Gabrielle's voice crackled. "The game?"

She pretended it didn't mean anything. No sense in getting Gabrielle upset with this old news. "Me." But she couldn’t keep the old rush of shame from crashing over her. "I.. they couldn’t beat me with these.." She held out her hands, studying them. "So.. they found another way." Another shrug. "Kids. It was a game."

Gabrielle's hands clenched in the fabric of Xena's shirt, and she half raised herself up off the floor. "Who?" She growled. "Does he still live here?" She took a breath, and visibly calmed herself. "Did you care about him?"

Xena looked off into the distance. "I thought I did."

"Xena, who is it? Tell me. They still live here, don’t' they?" The bard stared at her intently. 
"I'll… I'll…."

The warrior cupped her face gently. "Do what, love?" She kissed the top of her partner's head. "My defender."

"Since day one." Gabrielle confirmed. "I'll write a story about him, and tell it every night at the inn until he either has to move away or change his identity."

Xena touched her forehead to the bard's. "No need." She said quietly. "I.. um.. took care of that back then… I.. got loose, and.. he didn't look too good when I finished." She gave Gabrielle a grim smile. "He.. died during Cortese’s attack."

Gabrielle studied her for a long moment. "Sorry you had to go through that, love." Explains a few things. Why she doesn't trust easy. Gods. I'd like to kick that bastard all over this town. She indulged herself in a moment of fantasy, involving this kid, her staff, and a thorn hedge, and sighed. "The why was worse than the what, huh?"

Xena looked down, and took a sharp breath. "Yeah." As usual, Gabrielle had pinpointed the real issue. That had always stuck in the back of her mind whenever she'd gotten involved…with anyone. Always wondering what the other person really wanted from her. Or figuring out what she could get from them, let's be honest. What was that she'd sworn? Oh yeah.. that she'd never just give up her heart again.

She sighed. Never could keep that promise. "Anyway.. Ardwyn here had it a lot worse. " She shook her head. "Wouda liked to have gotten my hands on that bastard." She gave the bard a forced smile. "Hey.. you interested in a little sparring?" Her eyes found the window. "Nice day out."

Gabrielle recognized cabin fever when she saw it. "Sure." Not even arguing that Xena should really be inside resting. "C’mon.. let’s walk up to the spring, and use that clear space." She fastened the belt on her tunic, and grabbed her staff, running her fingers through her hair to settle it. "You can teach me that spin thing."

Cyrene dropped into a chair, pulling the freshly poured mug of ale towards her and taking a healthy sip. "Never boring, is it, Jo." She glanced up at Johan, who was scribbling something on a piece of parchment resting on the table between them.

He looked up, and gave her a wry grin. "Not with your lot, no." His head ducked back down. "Ye know who that is, don’t you?"

The innkeeper sighed. "Do me a favor.. don’t tell me. He was a nasty little man." She glumly stared at the afternoon sunlight pouring in the window. Another close one. Now, at last, she had an understanding of Xena’s reluctance to come home. To expose them to this kind of.. thing.

Cyrene thought about that for a while, then shrugged. It wasn’t really so bad.. not any worse than the raids by warlords, or thieves, or the riff raff that tended to drift through making trouble. Xena’s trouble always had a specific, set target. Her. And generally speaking, she could more than handle whatever the trouble was, which generally ended up a much quieter affair than some they’d been suffering before the warrior had decided to hang around for a while.

That had, she realized, been only a plus for them. They had security, since nobody in their right mind started trouble in Amphipolis anymore, and they had a productive citizen, who did her share and more of the communal work and providing for in the village. Not bad at all.. and best of all for her, she’d gotten two daughters back as part of her family. And a grandson. She grinned, already thinking ahead to the winter next, when Solon would join them. ‘Just for a few months..’ Xena had said but… she’d been working very hard to get her daughter addicted to home life, and she figured another winter here would just about do it.

It had been her hobby, these long months, to weave her wayward daughter back into the tapestry that was life in Amphipolis, and she'd done a pretty darn good job, if she said so herself. The cabin now.. even Johan agreed, that had been a stroke of genius. A room in the inn wouldn't have been nearly the same.. this.. grounded her, and gave her a place the two of them could actually call home, and it had made all the difference.

Cyrene had seen the slow change happening, and had smiled as she'd watched Xena's edgy defensive barriers relax, even to the extent that she now allowed Toris to tease her with sibling lack of mercy, without her son having to worry that his sister was going to pick him up and toss him out the window. That had been a lovely change.. she'd been getting kind of tired of mending the rips and tears in his clothing, not to mention dragging ice in for his bruises.

Granella had been a surprise.. Cyrene chuckled to herself. The Amazon had turned out to have a very sly sense of humor, and was fitting in to the village with only the occasional sideways glance from the rest of the inhabitants. She'd traded her Amazon leathers for practical clothing, and the only sign of her allegiance really were the leather clips she still wore in her short hair, and the veritable buffet of weaponry she enjoyed digging out for her frequent sparring matches with both Xena and Gabrielle.

The door opened, and she glanced up. Speak of the devil. Her mind chuckled, as Toris entered, ushering the smaller Granella before him. "Well, hello."

Toris dropped his cloak over a chair, and crossed the inn, putting his hands on the table and leaning over it. "Where's my sister?" His voice was anxious. "I heard there was an accident."

One eyebrow cocked. "Probably out rooting around somewhere with Gabrielle." She paused. "And it was no accident."

Her tall, dark haired son dropped into the chair opposite her with a thump. "Is she ok?"

Cyrene pushed her glass across the wooden surface at him. "More or less.. she.. got a bump on the head.. gave us a little scare.. but you know your sister." She gave him a grim smile. "Came back for a second try last night…now he’s locked up on Josc’s root cellar."

Toris leaned back, and let out a gentle sigh. "Well…" He exchanged a glance with Granella. "We’d heard…worse."

Cyrene’s brow creased. "Worse? Well… she did fall over a cliff, and knock herself silly for the better part of a morning, but since when is that serious for her?" She studied him. "Where did you hear this?"

"Village south of here." Granella replied, in her soft voice. "From the bastard who paid for it to be done."

"How did we end up here?" Xena queried, as she stretched her legs out in the brown tufted grass, and leaned back. They were in their favorite hidden dell, where the ring of mostly bare trees blocked the cool wind. "I smell a plot."

Gabrielle chuckled, and rotated her shoulder, wincing. "Hey.. how many candlemarks of sparring was that? I deserve a break." She took a long sip of water, and handed the waterskin to her partner. "I thought I was keeping up with this.. it’s a little embarrassing to have my booty kicked by someone who spent all day yesterday flat on their back, and spent the entire morning whining about how out of shape they are." She pushed the hair off her face, aware of the flush coloring her skin.

Xena sprayed a mouthful of water over the grass and gave Gabrielle a dour look. "I was not whining, Gabrielle." She growled, then paused, hesitating a moment. "Was I?"

Green eyes rolled towards her. "Yes, you were." The bard informed her. "I felt really bad about that, too, until the sixth or seventh time you dumped me on my butt."

Xena ducked her head, and played with a bit of grass, then shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry." She blinked at the bard. "I guess I overreacted a little, huh?"

Ooo.. got her to admit it.. that’s a first. "A little?" The bard snickered, then relented at the vaguely hurt look on her partner’s face. "Listen.. I understand why you worry." She put a gentle hand against Xena’s upper arm. "And believe me.. it makes me feel really good to know you worry about that.. especially since it’s mostly on my behalf."

Blue eyes peeked at her from under long, dark lashes. "Mostly?" Xena asked softly.

Gabrielle smiled. "So.. you feeling better now?" She crossed her legs at the ankles and put her hands in her lap.

Xena thought about that for a minute. Knowing what had happened at the cliff definitely helped, she mused. Now I only feel like a softhearted fool instead of a… anyway. Guess I really was overreacting.. need to cut that out. It’s not fair to her. "Yeah." She admitted. "I… um.. owe you an apology for this morning." She gazed studiously at her boots, examining the laces with intent concentration. "It.. umm.. it was an ego thing." She admitted, with reluctant honesty. "You were right.. he hit me right in my damn pride."

The bard smothered a grin, and leaned against Xena’s shoulder, slipping an arm across her belly and giving her a squeeze. "You’re so cute when you’re being humble." She paused, watching the faint blush cross the warrior’s face. "But I’m glad it doesn’t happen too often." She poked her ribs. "Cause I like that too tough for my leathers attitude of yours."

An eyebrow arched at her. "You do, huh?"

"Mmm." Gabrielle chuckled softly. "Yep, I do."

Xena yawned, and relaxed against her tree. "Don’t suppose you brought any of those scrolls?" She asked idly, stretching a little and enjoying the cool breeze that was carrying the newly greening scent of the brush to her.

"Heh." Gabrielle snorted softly, pulling one out of her bag. "Are your eyes blue?" Abruptly, she stopped moving, and her eyes unfocused. "What did that remind me….oh… oh… urk." She covered her eyes with her hand. "I can’t believe I did that."

Xena cocked her head curiously. "Did what?"

A long, torch lit hallway in the prince’s stronghold in Cirron. That night they’d celebrated their victory over a besieging force from a neighboring territory, and she’d made the acquaintance of some of Hectator’s excellent honey mead.

It hadn’t seemed strong.. really.. it just sort of nice, and it warmed her through, making the music a little brighter, and the conversation seem to buzz around her like a friendly swarm of bees. She’d figured she had enough though.. after she realized she was starting to hum little rhymes, and she picked up her mostly full glass, and headed up towards where the head table was.

Having spotted Xena, in full twitch mode looking for an excuse to either leave, start trouble, or entertain herself. Not a good idea, Gabrielle remembered solemnly thinking. A bored Xena, was a dangerous Xena. Besides, the warrior was dressed in a really good-looking silk mahogany thing that Gabrielle was itching to get her fingers on.

She remembered being shocked at thinking that. But Xena hadn’t minded leaving, in fact.. she’d jumped over the table and they’d gotten right out of there, and headed up to the nice room they’d been staying in.

Stairs… stairs had been a problem. It was that foot thing, up, left, right…halfway up things had started getting scary.. the hallway had started to blur, and the bees had turned angry, making her head ache.

Xena’s hands on her had surprised her, and she’d protested.. she thought. Surely she had… but the warrior had picked her up and insisted on carrying her up to the room. Urgh.. that had felt good. All that nice cool fabric over that comfortably warm body, with her arms snugly clasped around the warrior’s neck, and her head tucked blissfully against Xena’s shoulder. Mmmm… she remembered thinking.

It had almost been disappointing when Xena let her down gently onto the couch, and went off somewhere, coming back with a cup of water for her and making her drink it. That had cleared her head a little, and she’d relaxed on the couch next to her companion, and gazing down at the beautiful necklace Xena had given her earlier that night.

"How’d you know the exact color?" She’d asked.

"C’mon, Gabrielle… after all this time, I should know what color your eyes are." The warrior had teased. "After all, you know what color mine are, right?"

What a question. Did she know what color Xena’s eyes were. Did Xena know how many poems she’d written that dealt with that subject? Did Xena know one of her favorite things to do was to compare her eyes with other naturally blue things? "Oh yeah.. I sure do." She’d answered, in a whisper. "I sure do."

She’d felt the gentle movement as Xena chuckled soundlessly. "Hey.. you making fun of me? No fair.. I’m drunk." She’d protested, earning her an indulgent look from the warrior, who leaned closer to observe her. Oh .. keep leaning. Gabrielle’s fogged mind cheerfully encouraged.

"I’m not laughing at you.. and I don’t think you can get drunk on three cups of mead, Gabrielle." The warrior had reassured her.

Gabrielle had felt a warm flush come over her, which intensified as she leaned against Xena. "I think I am." She let the interestingly spicy scent from Xena’s tunic wash through her. "I know I am." She finished, recognizing her body’s seductive craving, which she usually could keep pretty well under wraps.

Now she laughed, thinking of the last time Xena had.. sort of.. almost kissed her. She suddenly realized she wanted to repeat the experience. Really badly.

"What’s so funny?" Xena now asked, ducking her head and looking at her sideways. A slight smirk had started to twitch at the corner of her lips

"Nothing… I was… just wondering." Gabrielle had started, then stopped. What in Hades did she think she was doing?

But those eyes captured hers, and sent her pulse racing. "About what?"

She couldn't help herself. "Whether it was you or Autolycus."

A soft chuckle. "Judge for yourself."

It was the same warm jolt, that was first, that dangerous tingle that went right to her toes and worked it’s way back up, settling deep in her guts. It reached for, and found something in her, that made her body twitch, and brought her hands up against Xena’s body, feeling the heat of her skin under the light weight of the silk fabric covering it.

Then it was over, and she really wanted it not to be. "Can we do that again?" She begged, with a grin, seeing the indecision in the blue eyes facing her, eyes that had widened and brightened after they separated.

"Not.. with you drunk." Xena had said slowly, reluctantly. "That’s not my style." But her breathing had been unsteady, and Gabrielle could feel that under the hands she still had pressed against her ribcage.

"Being sober is not going to change the way I feel." The bard had felt the words come tumbling out, the mead dropping her inhibitions as though they never existed. But somehow, she didn’t mind, and looking up into the warmth of Xena’s eyes, she didn’t think the warrior minded either.

A hand brushing her cheek, which brought a smile fluttering to her lips. "Maybe not.. but I don’t take chances. Not with you."

It was a confirmation she’d never dared hoped for. "That’s.. the nicest thing you ever said to me." She’d joked faintly, then snuggled down into the crook of Xena’s shoulder, and let sleep claim her.

"Gabrielle?" Xena put a hand on her shoulder. "What’s wrong?"

A deep sigh. "Not wrong.. I just… Xena, do you remember the night of the banquet in Cirron?"

A very saucy chuckle. "OH yeah." A pause. "But you never did."

Gabrielle gave her a wan look. "I do now." She groaned. "I feel like an idiot….gods, Xena…"

The warrior's brow creased. "Why?"

An aggrieved sigh. "Why did I have to be drunk to do that?" She threw up her hands. "Why couldn’t I have just… "

"Oh." Her partner commented quietly. "Well… yeah.. I um.. when I look back, sometimes, I think of how.. kind of silly it was."

The bard's lips twitched. "You should have seen Ephiny's face when I told her we weren't.. together.. until after that whole thing with Arella. She almost keeled over. She always thought…" Her eyes flicked to Xena's and she shrugged. "Apparently everyone did."

Xena chewed her lip and sighed. "Eeeeyah.. I kinda got that feeling, especially after that whole thing with Minya.. and Cecrops."

Gabrielle considered that. "Oh.. right." They looked at each other. "Right… um.. here's that scroll." She opened it, and laid it out along her legs. "Xena?"

"Yeah? " The warrior arranged herself more comfortably, and tucked a long arm around the bard's body.

"Why did everyone.. I mean.. we didn't… like.. do anything.. to make people think that, right?" The bard queried.

Xena rubbed her chin. "They probably just assumed because we traveled around alone together.. you know.. I've got a reputation for um… " An eyebrow quirked. "You know." She watched the bard blush and smiled. "Or maybe it was because you were the only person I let within a cubit of me."

"Ah." Gabrielle nodded.

"Or.. maybe it was the fact that I let you touch my horse." Xena teased.

"Xena." Whack. "You didn't do that for a long time." The bard reminded her.

"I think for Ephiny, it was that whole.. um… ambrosia thing." Xena replied carefully, gentling her voice.

"Oh." Gabrielle looked down, tracing a bit of the parchment with a fingertip. "Xena?"

Get the answer ready. "Yes?"

Green eyes lifted up and claimed hers. "Why did you come back? Was it really for me?"

A easy, relaxed smile was her answer. "Yes."

Gabrielle took in a breath, then another. "Just like that?"

Xena nodded. "Just like that. Oh.. M'lila gave me a whole lecture about knowing and fighting evil.. and how it wasn't my time.. but…that wasn't why I decided to make the attempt. It was… it was really simple, Gabrielle.. you were there, and you were hurting, and you really wanted me to do it." A shrug. "So I did." She let out a breath and dropped her head back against the tree. "It felt…all my life, I'd been doing things.. really horrible things to people, for my own gain, or just because I was in a bad mood that day. To just…do something like that for someone else.. give.. something like that for no other reason than because it would make that person feel better… " She looked at the silently watching bard. "It felt great." Her eyes sparkled gently. "When I opened my eyes.. and saw you there, smiling… Gabrielle, that was the best feeling in the whole world."

Just like that. Gabrielle's mind turned the thought over. "Thank you." She rested her head against the warrior's shoulder. "It was pretty amazing for me, too."

They smiled at each other, and turned their attention to the scroll.

I heal but slowly, and times there are that I wonder that I heal at all. The pain is but part if it, that eases with the passing time, but the horror of my memories seems to darken the longer I dwell on them.

Elevown, never one to use her voice unneeded, has fallen even more silent, her gaze turns inward and I do not think she likes what she sees. I wonder about that, but fear to ask her what happened in the time I left her, and the time I woke up here, broken.

I know she has killed.

I do not know why.

Friends she has none, in this land, so whatever she has done, it was done alone, and so she must have taken me from that place, and brought me here. I cannot speak for how grateful I am to her for that.

But why must she need go back? For so she did, as my hurts were tended ere I woke. Go back she did, and returned covered with the blood of the men who stole me away, covered so deeply that the stains will not clean from her clothes, and it has taken her to this time to move the gore from the blade of her axe.

She touches that not. It stands in the corner, a silent witness to her butchery, and I see the trailing remainder of it lodged in the darkness of her eyes, which capture a lost, empty look that must mirror mine own.

Have I traveled this road only to find it leads only to darkness still? I try to find words to break through the strong walls I feel now between us, but I cannot focus my thoughts without delving again into the pain within me.

I feel I must try.. the longer I hold my tongue, the further she slips from me, and that.. Lady.. that I cannot.. must not.. allow.

Tonight she is restless, though the weather is fine, and she is free to roam the dark silence of our mountainside. I walked outside a tiny while, feeling the sun on me for the first time in what seems forever, and just managed a trip to find a bush of fine berries, which I captured and brought back with me.

"Elevown." I call softly, stopping her pacing, as she turns, and her eyes find mine. "Will you be sharing with me?" I hold up the berries, and she gazes long at me, then slinks forward, and drops to a knee at my side.

Long fingers take but one berry, and she looks at it.

"Sit." I shape the word softly. She does, placing her back against the low rock wall my bed is laid out against. "How fare you, Elevown?"

Gray mist eyes peer through me. "Well enough." She answers. "And you, Ardwyn? How fare you?" She places the berry in her mouth, and chews.

"Not so well." I answer slowly, combing my words for those of meaning for her.

A hand on my arm. "Pain do you have then? " She asks, having tended to me all the while with sober regard. I could not ask for a more anxious healer.

I am caught, but know I must continue.. for if there is to be healing, it must needs to begin somewhere. "Tis not my hurts that pain me." I answer to her in gentle tones, and cover her hand with mine own. My Lady, is it true tis easier to cosset another's wounds than one's own? It seems so to me, for all that stirs me from my emptiness is thoughts of concern for her. A strange thing indeed.

She sits still beneath my touch. "You speak nonsense." Her tone is gruff, as it always is, but does not deceive me. I see the dark circles beneath her eyes, and the painful thinness of her, as her grief consumes her from within. "I but did a warrior's deed."

Ah, Elevown.. so blind you think me? "That is well then… please.. will you tell me of what happened? " I feel her hand tremor under mine own. "Twas bravely done, I know."

Her eyes drop to her boots, and she fingers her laces a long march of the candleflame. "Was not I was brave." She finally utters.

"Ah.. not I. Foolish thing that I am, to be captured so unwary in a simple village street. " I admit my weakness.

Her fingers pluck at the pine bedding with vicious intent. "It would not have been so had I been there." So much strain in her voice, that I can hardly force meaning from the words.

Aye. That much is true. But I do not blame her for that. It was my unwariness led as much to my ordeal as her absence. "A nursemaid you be not, Elevown." I remind her in sadness. "Would I have known better how to protect mine own self."

"No." Her voice now roughens. "Tis I who brought you here, Ardwyn. Your safety lies in my…. " She stares down. "Hands." And now she lowers her head into them. "What price my pride?" I see the whole of it now. "So great a cost." The words escape her.

Aye, My Lady. Which are greater? Wounds of the body, or those of the soul? I know this.. time alone can heal a body's weakness, but only love can heal a damaged heart.

I cannot change what happened.

I cannot forget.

I cannot erase the scars, which mark me.

I can but surrender my belief, and cast wide my net of the heart, to bring her home again to our shelter in this strange land.

For love her I do, and that alone puts gentle patches on the wounds within me, to know I still am capable of the giving of myself, that her anguish moves me more than does mine own.. that brings the colors of the world a little closer, and pushes back the gray of sorrow.

And so I tuck away my darkling memories, and lean to her, sliding mine arm around her shoulders. "Elevown… " She listens, I feel her breathing catch under my touch. " Pain I have known.. but it was as nothing to the ache I feel when I see you so." I search for words as will reach her. "Please.. cariad… let this not harrow us both."

He r head turns, molten gold in the light of our fire, and her eyes find mine, open as a child's "What.. is this you call me?" So softly she asks, and I see at last into the depths of her, all pride and arrogance gone asunder.

"Tis.. what we call those who mean much to us." I answer as softly. "Elevown… I was in a very dark place.. and you took me from that. Think you I place blame for my plight on your shoulders? I do not."

Her shy look charms me. "Rather I had died, then seen you in such a place, my friend." Her voice plucks resonate chords within me, as a harp will, when well struck.

Then a breath she takes, and girds her courage, as her tale shapes in her mouth for the telling. "Came I to the village not long for the setting sun." She begins.

Now her eyes found some far place to dwell on. "I heard from a cottar.. he told me the shape of them who had taken you." She leans closer to me, and I circle her wrist with mine hand. "I followed."

A small silence, with only our breathing to break it.

"Not hidden well, their hideout. " Her voice went on. "I heard you scream."

Oh.. my Lady. I see the pulse now at her throat, and the soft blue lines of her life's courses show vivid against her skin. "That I did." I affirm in quiet, remembering the rawness of it.

She nods. "I went to that place." A blink of those pale lashes. "I saw you there, under him."

I cannot look at her. The shame falls over me again, and I feel my stomach rebel against my thoughts.

Now it is her hand that comforts mine. "I sent him to his ancestors." She tells me, with a gentle sureness. "In many pieces."

The shock almost takes me to a darker place than I can imagine, as I feel mine self exult at her words. Lady, can I be glad of this? I do not wish vengeance on my behalf.

And yet?

Would I lie and say that I am not glad he has gone to the beyond, and will not add more victims to his count?

I will not lie. I am glad. The warrior's heart my people's blood has bread into me leaps at her story, of one slim champion in a pit of evil. But I know this is not the whole loaf of the tale. Worse comes. "It was well done, Elevown. For others beyond myself."

Her eyes are sad. "Ja." She replies softly. "I took you from there, and captured one of their horses, and brought you back here." Her voice stops. "I knew.. hurt you were, but not how until the firelight showed it to me."

And now she was for it, and the darkness closed over her. "Odin took me.." She whispers. "I do not remember going from here.. only that place, and my blade, and the screaming." Mine eyes close against her pain. "I hear it still in my dreams."

As I hear his evil words, and the sound of his pleasure.

What can I hope for either of us?

Only that this gentle warmth I feel between us will be our salvation. I lean back, and she with me, giving what comfort as can be with a gentle twining of ourselves that leaves my head resting on her shoulder and our fingers laced together.

I had feared sleep since I had last woken from the dark mists of sickness. But this night I let the warm tide take me out, as I watched her breathing settle and the anguished tension in her bones relax at last.

Pain, there still is. And guilt to corner her. But this night there is also the warmth of the friendship that binds us, giving us succor against the harsh coldness of life.

I know not where this journey will take me. But this I do know, wherever this path may lead, I will not travel it alone.

They remained silent for a bit after Xena's last words drifted off into the stiffening wind. The warrior let her head rest against the tree they were seated under, and took in the familiarity of the dell, her nose twitching as the air grew a trifle damper, and brought the rich scent of the earth up, and sharpened the tree's essence around them.

Gabrielle was thoughtfully studying the scroll. "Xena?" She finally murmured, half turning her head to gaze up at her partner.

"Mmm?" The warrior raised an eyebrow at her, and tightened her hold more securely around the bard's waist, letting her thumb rub idly across the soft skin and feeling the movement as Gabrielle took a breath to answer her.

"What do you think about that? About Ardwyn kinda…putting aside what happened to her just to.." She left the thought unfinished. "You know."

Yeah, she knew. "Well… " Xena, Warrior Philosopher? Nah.. nasty ring to that. "I think she's right…in a way. It's.. always easier to focus on someone else's problems.. than do the tough stuff and work on your own." And I'm living proof of that, right? I think I take it to an extreme, though. "But… in this case, I think it helps her too.. because it kinda makes her feel… "

"Useful." Gabrielle finished quietly. "Wanted."

I must be crazy. Gabrielle had groaned softly to herself for the hundredth them that day. What was I thinking of? I can't believe I'm here, in the rain, starving, my head is pounding, my legs ache… gods.. and look at her. She stared across the dripping branches of their makeshift shelter at the dour, dark visaged Xena, who was sitting, like a stone statue, with those long arms wrapped around her knees and her dark hair falling wet across her forehead. I wonder if she feels as lousy as I do? Probably not. She'd sighed and tried to wring out the fabric in her long skirt, without success.

Gabrielle had hunched her shoulders together, and sniffled, as she'd felt the rain roll down the back of her shirt and make the fabric stick to her clammily. Well.. she grudgingly admitted. At least I'm wearing cloth. She's wearing leather. And brass armor. Even from where she was sitting, Gabrielle could see the raw spots where Xena's wet leather armor had rubbed against her tanned skin, leaving angry welts.

For that matter, Gabrielle warmed to her subject, glad to think of something that would take her mind of her own misery. For that matter, the warrior looked distinctly.. uncomfortable, the girl decided, since she'd seen Xena sigh what.. three times now? Not surprising.. that leather thing was really kind of snug, as well as irritating, and those armor clasps must really.. pinch.

"Nice weather, huh?" She tried a sally of conversation.

Xena had glowered at her. "Guess not." She'd sighed, hugging herself with a shiver. "So.. um… I could.. I don't know, come up with a story.. or.. um… something… would you like to hear it?"

Another glower. "You're shaking." Xena stated, in an accusing tone.

"Oh.. well.. yeah, I um… " Gabrielle had kind of looked around her. "You know.. it's kinda coolish.. here, and I um… well, it's wet… you know how that is." She eyed Xena's obviously non shivering body. "Well, maybe you don't."

"Come here." The ex warlord ordered peremptorily.

"It's ok.. Xena, really I'm fine." Gabrielle had assured her, stifling a sneeze.

"Now." The voice oozed with menace, and in the dark, rainy, cold spot she was in, it spooked her.

Gabrielle slid across the muddy ground, until she was lodged next to the wet warrior. "Ok.. Ok!!!" she chattered, giving her a nervous glance. "I'm here… um… listen, you know, it's none of my business, but you'd probably be more comfortable if you took that metal stuff off."

An ice blue glare fixed her. "Well.. ok, maybe not.. it was just a thought… I mean, it's not like we're going to get attacked in this weather.. everyone else is inside."

Was that a tiny note of guilt she saw in Xena's eyes? Gabrielle had about convinced herself it had been a product of her overactive imagination, when Xena sighed in dour disgust. "You're right.. this stuff's driving me nuts." The ex warlord muttered.

"Oh.. great. Here.. um… " One hand rose and very carefully, very hesitantly touched the locking buckle on her shoulder armor. "Can I um… help you?"

It had been a defining moment, Gabrielle realized much, much later. Her offer, Xena's silent acceptance, a first puzzled struggle with locks and catches she now knew as well as their owner did. "There." She'd been vaguely proud of herself for figuring the catch out without having to ask. "Can I.. oh.. yeah.. ok.. " Xena had lifted the armor off, and set it down next to her, with a relieved sigh. "Bet that feels better."

Xena studied her closely. "You're not shaking anymore."

"Um.. no.. well, it's funny.. but it feels like.. I think it's warmer over here." Gabrielle explained earnestly. "Less wind or something." She sniffed, and suppressed a sneeze. "Sorry."

Xena glared at her, then rummaged in the saddlebag she had slung next to her, all she'd been able to grab of their belongings before the rains came down, miring Argo and the rest of the supplies beyond a small mud lake. She jerked out a package, and emptied it into a small carved cup, then reached up and let the rain run into it. "Here." She pulled the cup back down and thrust it at Gabrielle. "Drink that."

It smelled… disgusting. But one look at Xena's ferocious face told Gabrielle she'd better drink it or… she'd have it poured down her throat. Making a face and holding her nose, she did as asked, and grimaced. "Ugh… that's horrible." She licked her lips and paused. The pounding in her head started to fade. "Oh.. it works… how did you know I had a headache?"

"Good guess." Xena muttered, leaning back against the rock they had built their hurried shelter against. She pulled a piece of folded linen out of the bag, and shook it out, then glared at the bard again. "Get closer."

"Oh.. um.. sure." Gabrielle had cautiously settled against the warrior's warm body, and let out a tiny sigh of relief. Warm felt good. Then the fabric was settling around her, and Xena was tucking it in around both of them.

It got a lot warmer all of a sudden, and she completely forgot about the rain. Or how much her legs hurt. "Thanks." She murmured softly into the damp ear very close by. "Thanks for taking care of things."

A shrug, felt through her body as well as seen. "Keeps my mind off… other things." Xena's voice had come back. "Go to sleep."

And so she had. With a smile.

"Yeah." Xena confirmed. "Something like that." She closed her eyes and simply enjoyed the feeling of having Gabrielle curled up against her, as the wind fitfully tangled their hair and lashed them lightly with broken leaves. "Weather’s turning."

"Mmm.." The bard yawned, and forced her eyes open, squinting against the breeze. "Guess we had our sun for the day." She muttered, disgruntled. Reluctantly, she started to get up, but found herself firmly held by her partner. "Hey.. you looking to get rained on?"

"I dunno." Xena purred into her ear. "Maybe." Then she laughed, and got her booted feet under her, picking them both up off the ground and setting the bard on her feet lightly. They collected their gear, and ambled back at a relaxed pace, their steps bringing them close to the cliff edge the warrior had fallen off of.

Gabrielle veered towards the edge, and knelt down, putting a hand out and touching the broken granite shelf, her fingers picking up a gentle coating of thick brown earth as she did so. "Xena, what in Tartarus were you doing out this far anyway?" Her eyes darted up, and found her partners, which immediately found other things to be interested in. "Xena?"

"Um." Xena strolled over and peered around the trunk of a nearby tree. "Getting to be springtime for sure." She examined the tiny green shoots poking timidly from the erstwhile dead branches.

One pale blond eyebrow inched its way up Gabrielle’s forehead. "You didn’t answer my question." She offered, craning her neck around to watch the warrior’s suddenly desperate interest in the local flora. "Xena?"

"I think there are some chestnuts up there." Xena replied, in a distracted mutter, and dropped the bag she was carrying. "I'll find out." One light jump, and she’d caught a low branch, pulling herself up into the tree and searching for her next handhold. "Yep.." Another jump, and now she was close to a cluster of tasty looking nuggets. She balanced neatly on the branch nearest them, and broke off the cluster, tucking them away in the pouch at her belt. Then she glanced down, to see Gabrielle standing just under the tree, watching her closely, hands on hips. Damn. Maybe if I fall out of the tree? Another glance down noted the faint, twitching smile on the bard’s face. No, she’d kill me for that.

A deep sigh, and Xena was dropping lightly to the branch beneath her, feeling her balance compensate for the movement of the limb, and the wind’s interference. She walked to the end of the swaying limb, and stepped off, flexing her knees to absorb the impact as she hit the ground, and bounced a little, then strolled over to where her partner was waiting.

Hands still on hips, faint smile in place, head cocked to one side in inquiry. "Don’t think you’re going to distract me from that question, partner." The bard informed her, tapping her linen clad chest with one finger. "It won’t work."

Xena smiled, and stepped closer, until her body was lightly touching Gabrielle’s. "What makes you think I’m trying to distract you?" She inquired softly, feeling her flesh warm against the bard’s. She let her hand drift upwards, brushing the wind blown hair off Gabrielle’s face and delicately tracing the line of her cheekbone.

"Won’t work, Xena." The bard stated, but her body pressed forward, and she swallowed hard.

"Really? Too bad." Xena commented, moving her touch down. "You sure?"

"Absolutely." Gabrielle replied, but it was on an irregular breath, and her eyes slid closed as her partner’s touch found familiar sensitive points. She swayed gently, and her hands came up in reflex, starting their own teasing wander. "What was the question again?"

Xena took a long moment out to kiss her, then sternly reminded herself that she was standing unprotected in the middle of a potentially hostile forest. With a sigh, she rested her head against her partner’s. "All right.. all right.. I was um.. well, I heard this squeak."

"Squeak?" Gabrielle mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"Yeah… so I checked it out." The warrior replied, distracted by the slow progress of the bard’s fingertips. "Uh… " What was I saying? Oh.. right.. ."So I came around that corner there, and saw this little kitten… "

"A kitten?" The bard nibbled her way down Xena’s chest, breathing in the warrior’s distinctive scent as she did so. "Ummm…a nice..." Her lips traced a rib. "soft… " Now she was below the warrior's ribcage and following the sculpted hollows and dips of her belly. "furry little kitten?"

Xena lost track of her surroundings for a minute, then shook her head a little to clear it. "So I tried to get it back off the ledge." She explained. "I hadta crawl out there to get the damn thing, and I kinda… " Her breathing caught as Gabrielle gently licked her belly button. "uh…fell."

"Waitaminute." The bard glanced up, with an impish grin. "So you were trying to rescue a scared kitty cat?"

Xena gazed down at her plaintively. "Something like that, yeah." She made a little face. "Don’t tell anyone all right?"

Wicked green eyes peered up the length of her body. "What’s it worth to you, tough stuff?" She couldn't hold it though, and almost melted at the woebegone look in her partner’s pale blue eyes. "Relax.. you’re secret’s safe with me." She bumped her lightly with her head, and wrapped her arms around the warrior’s body, giving her a warm hug.

"I'm just a sucker for a cute face." Xena finally allowed, giving her a wry grin. "Guess that explains you, huh?"

The bard blushed. "Come on… before you get any mushier on me. " She nudged Xena towards the path out of the dell. "Mom was making those chewy muffins."

"She was, huh?" Xena slid the pack with their stuff onto her back, and securely fastened it. "And you want some, right?"

A soft snort. "You know it."

"Ah hah. Think you’ll get some?" The warrior asked, with a mischievous twinkle.

Gabrielle turned her head and gave her a suspicious stare. "You think I won’t?"

Xena grinned. "Not if I get there first." She broke into a loping run. "C’mon.. race you…"

Gabrielle sighed. "You rat." But she picked up her pace, trying to keep the bounding warrior in view. "Xena.. I’m gonna hurt you."

"Gotta catch me." Came the taunting remark, as the warrior picked up speed, leaning forward and launching herself into a lazy flip over the crest of the dell, then settling into an easy pace down the thin path heading back down towards the river. She heard Gabrielle’s steps behind her, and deliberately slowed until the bard came even with her. "Rats.. guess you did."

Gabrielle eyed her. "You’re not going to go into that self pitying mode again, are you?"

For an answer Xena took two long strides to a hillock in the path, and launched off of it, tucking her body into two neat circles in the air, then straightening out of that and touching down on the slope, only to vault right back up and soar down the angle of the hill as though she were flying. Her hands touched the ground, shoulders and elbows flexing to take her weight, and pushing back off to bring her standing, ankles crossed in a casual air as the bard caught up with her again. "Nah.. I feel pretty good." She deadpanned.

"You gotta teach me how to do that." Gabrielle sighed, as she jogged on past, and Xena joined her, easily matching her pace. "I think I figured part of it out.. it’s momentum, but… " She eyed her companion. "You can do that flip stuff from a standing start… "

Xena nodded, her senses flowing around them, searching for danger. "That’s mostly in here." She dropped a hand to hit her moving thigh. "Lotta lifting, some running…I used to balance logs on my shoulders, and jump as high as I could with them, then come down and let the weight take me all the way down, and jump back up again." She paused reflectively, with a wry little smile of remembrance.

Gabrielle stared at her in disbelief.

"Yeah, well.. I was kinda crazy when I was young." Xena shrugged self depreciatingly.

"Oh." The bard muttered faintly. "You’ve changed so much." She rolled her eyes.

Xena bumped her lightly with an elbow. "Was a time I was fighting all day, every day." She reminded the bard. "Needed every advantage I could find." She smiled a little. "Brute strength can sometimes win the day for you when the skills just aren’t there."

The ran along in silence for a minute, as Gabrielle considered that. It made sense, in a brutal kind of way. "So.. but you don’t do that stuff anymore… what changed? We still fight a lot." She saw where she wanted to go with this, and patiently waited for the response.

Xena dodged a stump, then continued on. "Well.. no.. now the skills are there." She replied slowly. "I don’t.. well, it never hurts, but I don’t need brute power, really. It’s all in the technique."

"Ok.. so what you’re saying is, the more skill you have, the less energy you need to use." Gabrielle nudged.

A look flicked over her. "Sure."

"Mm…and you get skills… how?" The bard avoided a large root carefully, not wanting a twisted ankle to interfere with her little scheme.

Xena chewed over that for a minute. "Practice… time… study… you know, Gabrielle. You do it yourself with your stories."

"Yeah… yeah.. you’re right.. I do." The bard agreed. "Work smarter, not harder."

Xena nodded vigorously. "Exactly… you just keep getting better at what you do, because you build experience, which takes the place of brute force, and lets you do more with what you have."

"Mm." Gabrielle mused thoughtfully. "So.. when does that stop?"

The warrior shook her head. "It never does, Gabrielle.. you keep on learning all the time, and you just get better and better, the more experience you have."

"Really?" Her partner gazed at her. "Another couple of years and you ought to be really something then, huh?"

Xena opened her mouth to answer, then realized she had been gotten, but good, and closed it again. She let a grudgingly admiring grin shape her mouth. "That was good, Gabrielle. Very good."

"Heh." The bard buffed her nails on her shirt, and smirked, but her eyes were gentle. "But it is true, you know that, right?"

Xena gave her a sideways look, through narrowed eyes. "Hmph."

They rounded the last turn past the river, and started up the long road into Amphipolis, acknowledging the whistles of recognition as they passed. "We’ve got visitors." Xena commented. "Messenger.. and Toris is back."

"Mph." Gabrielle took a deep breath, and brushed her hair back from her face. "Be glad to see Granella.. she was going to pick me up some new parchment." She shot Xena a surreptitious look, noting the relaxed stride, and easy breathing with some envy. "Wonder what the message is?"

Xena nodded towards the inn. "Guess we'll find out soon enough. "

Concluded in Part 5

Standard Disclaimer - These characters, most of them, belong to Universal, and Renaissance Pictures, and whoever else has a stake in Xena: Warrior Princess. This is written just in fun, and no copyright infringement was intended.

Specific Story Disclaimers:

Violence –Oh yes.. there is violence. This is a combination story, and includes both Uber Xena sections, and Regular Xena sections. Regardless of time period, or current incarnation, our lovable Xena does tend to be a violent person. So, we have slicing and dicing, and crunching of bones… but no emasculation in this one.

I think.

Sexual Violence Alert - this section does contain first person recollection of violent sexual attack. It is in the Uber sections, so if this disturbs you, please don't read them.

Subtext - Subtext.. there's a debate going on at this point as to whether subtext is subtext or just plain maintext nowadays on the series. At any rate, this story does involve women who are in love with each other.. so if that puts your undies in a wad, please go choose something nice out of the general fiction area. There's lot's of good stories there.

And while we're on the subject, if you do read past the above warning, and are offended by the love described in the story, email me your snail mail address, so I can send you some German chocolate cake, OK? I feel horrible for you.

UberXena - Ok - this story contains characters of the Uber Xena genre. Some folks don't like to read that. There are sections of two characters that showed up in a previous story of mine (Bound) and they'll be mixed with sections involving our old friends, Xena and Gabrielle. Just want to warn you, OK? OK.

 Any and all comments are always welcome. You can email them to:

mailto:merwolf@worldnet.att.net

Reflections from the Past - Part 5

By Melissa Good

"So.. how many shirts do I have to pack for you, Ares?" Gabrielle asked, as she piled a selection on the bed and sorted through them. "Hmm?"

"Roo?" The wolf bounced up onto the bed's surface and sniffed the piles. "Arrghrrrooo."

"None." Xena commented, as she entered the door and kicked it shut behind her. Her arms were full of supplies. "I'm gonna leave him here with Mom this run…there'll probably be fighting where we're going, and I don’t' want him to be a part of that." She spotted a familiar outfit on the bed. "And you can pack that, my bard…it's too cold yet for you to be out there half naked." She bumped Gabrielle gently, and chuckled.

"Mm." The bard agreed, folding the top and skirt and tucking it inside a saddlebag. "Besides, it'll give me some time to walk off some of mom's cooking before I have to display the results of that to half of Greece." She patted her belly ruefully.

Xena snorted softly, and dropped her burden, then circled the bed and slid her arms around the bard. "Oh.. I dunno.. hasn't done you much harm.. in fact…" She let her hands trace the outline of the bard's waist. "I think mom's cooking looks pretty good on you." She leaned down and kissed her. "At least I won't have your sister accusing me of keeping you on a starvation diet."

Gabrielle giggled. "She won't have room to talk about that right now." She rested quietly in Xena's arms for a bit. "Any clue as to what the deal is with Hercules' message?"

The warrior shook her head. "Nope.. only that he's found out something about who's behind those necklaces, and he needs our help." She nuzzled the bard's ear. "I wanna hear Toris' mysterious story he keeps hinting about."

The bard smiled, and rubbed her cheek against the soft fabric covering her partner's shoulder. "Should be interesting… I'm glad he's back.. you know he was really worried about you."

A half grin from the tall warrior. "Yeah.. I know.. he acted like I was made of glass or something." Xena closed her eyes and rocked the bard gently. "I had to pick him up and dump him on his butt before he'd believe I was ok."

Gabrielle snorted softly into Xena's chest. "You're so bad." She gave her a squeeze. "Will you read those three scrolls with me tonight before we leave tomorrow? One of them is that long one.. and all three are really fragile.. I don't want to take them with us."

Xena let out a contented sigh. "Sure… sounds good to me." She mumbled. "One last night of decadence before we go back to harsh reality, right?" She nibbled the bard's ear, and was rewarded with a quick intake of breath. A low chuckle escaped her as she lifted the bard up a little, and dropped them both onto the bed. "It's gonna be a tough adjustment.. you've completely spoiled me, my bard."

"Oh yeah?'" Gabrielle queried. "Does that mean I can convince you to take it a little easier out there?" She let her fingers slip inside the warrior's shirt, and gave her ribs a little tickle.. "Hmm?"

"Maybe." Xena admitted, with a rueful sigh. "Probably for the best, huh?"

Gabrielle nodded. "Mmm hmm." She propped her chin up on Xena's shoulder. "For both of us."

The warrior stretched and gazed down at her. "Yeah.. I think you're right." She reached out and touched the bard on the tip of her nose. "We should finish packing."

The bard neatly snared her finger in a flash of white teeth and tugged. "Yep." Her hands slipped further up her partner's sides and stroked the soft skin lightly. "We should." She tilted her head up and captured her partner's lips. "Mmmm.." She was surprised by the sudden light pressure of Xena's hand tracing a route up the inside of her thigh, which sent a flood of warmth through her, and drove thoughts of packing or anything else completely out the window. "On the other hand…"

*****************************************************

"Here's the shorter one." Gabrielle sauntered back over to the fireplace, where her partner was lounging on the thick furry rug, eyes half closed, nibbling on a bowl of dried fruits. "Hey.. save me some of those little bluish things."

"Sure." Xena agreed amiably, setting to work sorting out the fruits. "What about the yellowish stuff?"

"What is it?" The bard asked, seating herself cross-legged next to the taller warrior and peering into the dish.

"I dunno.. but it's crunchy, and sweet." Xena replied offering her one. "Here's a dried grape."

"It’s a raisin, Xena." The bard corrected her.

"It's a dried grape, Gabrielle." The warrior objected. "A dried apple is a dried apple. A dried fig is a dried fig. Why is a dried grape a raisin?"

A pause. "Is that a trick question?" Gabrielle asked suspiciously. "I mean, are you going to tell me now some weird story about how dried grapes saved Greece from something or other, and were given the honorary name of raisins?"

"It was rhetorical." Xena deadpanned. "How would you save Greece with a dried grape? Make some general choke on it?"

"You'd find a way." The bard assured her. "I have faith.. I can imagine it.. an entire, great.. huge.. invincible army.. flowing across the plains… " She waved her hands dramatically. "All is lost.. except… wait! The mighty general Xena has launched a catapult attack of… dried grapes! The enemy is stuck together! Greece is saved."

Xena started laughing, and ended up on her back holding her stomach. "Gabrielle… stop it.. you’re killing me."

The bard took the opportunity to lie down, using the warrior's belly as a pillow and crossed her legs at the ankles comfortably. She bounced her head once or twice, then glanced behind her with a mock glare. "You know, Xena.. with all this lounging around we've been doing, you haven't gotten a whole lot more comfortable to lie down on. "

Xena glanced down the length of her body and shrugged. "All that damn running, I guess." She yawned, and studied the parchment in front of her. "Not from lack of trying, though. Mom keeps stuffing me like a prize hog." She concluded, shifting a little to bring the parchment further into the light, and smiled. "Ready?"

Gabrielle popped a raisin into her mouth and chewed. "Yep."

My prayers to my Lady have been answered. Today I began my cycles, and so have not been sowed by the evilness that befell me. I mention small words to Elevown, and she nods, but I see the relief in her eyes, no less than mine own.

Children are the Lady's blessing always, I know it, but to bring a bairn into this world at this time, aye.. would be no blessing for it, of that I am sure. I have the herbs, and know their usage, but times there are that this course is not a wise one, and can do harm as well as help.

We have not ventured out into the world since she succored me back, Elevown keeping to her solitary hunting, and I go with persistence to mine favorite gathering spots, and fishing traps.

I have healed, so much as that I am able, at least in body so. The pain has left me, but never a night goes by that I am not visited by his ugly face, and feel again the terrors that had befallen me.

It disturbs Elevown,I know it. I feel her eyes on my face when I struggle awake in the dawn, restless and tired from fighting my long, and lonely fight with shadow terrors. But I am alive, and breathing, and expected that there would be a price for mine living, and so it is.

This night the darkness closes in swiftly, as a storm rolls in overhead, and constricts us to our cave. It is well, as we are working on outfitting the small, inner chamber Elevown's restless digging has uncovered, a snug place, but given to safety, and she has patiently worked with branches and boughs, and the tough, creeping vines to join them, in need to make us proper beds.

And so she does, this night she has finished her task, and wants my completion, and I go to her, our shadows dancing together in the torchlight, as she shows me her work.

She is clever, is Elevown, and tending to many small interests and here she has created a sturdy bower of tough, seasoned wood to hold us. Two pallets there are, side by side in the smallness of the chamber with good frames, and woven hemp ropes to set our pine filled mattresses upon.

We do such, and sit on them, with smiles upon our faces, and she hops a tiny bit, showing the strength of her creations. "Good?" Her eyebrows rise, and her voice as well, but there is an aching tone in it that is for me, I know.

"Aye, very good." I give her back, putting out a hand as is my custom, and stroking her arm. She does not move away, I realize, but her eyes drop, and the torchlight's crimson cannot excuse the rush of color that darkens her pale skin, causing me wonder at her shyness.

We sleep that night in our new chamber, and it heartens me, I confess, to have solid walls about me close and Elevown between my resting place and the small entrance. The gentle scent of pine needles colors us, and in the depth of the darkness I can hear her soft breathing, and the rustles as she seeks her comfort so close I could reach out and touch her.

And almost do, before my shocked senses pull me back and tuck me huddled in my blankets, wondering at my own actions. What is it I am seeking? Life's cruelty has taken from me any desire for physical satisfaction, it sickens me to think of touching, or being touched, lest that bring back in daylight what haunts me in the gray twilight of sleep.

And yet..

And yet she draws me to her like a succulent flower draws the hummingbird, dancing, darting, afraid, yet intent on tasting the shyly offered richness of its essence.

Aye, My Lady, is this fair? You have darkened my soul to love, and yet set her beside me, making my heart reach out to hers for what purpose? I can almost feel her essence, so close to me, knowing she is still in pain from her memories and has no outlet for her feelings.

She will not speak to me of that night, again. She holds it inside her. As I hold my own darkness inside me, and will not speak of it to her. I realize, in consternation, that we do this not from fear, but from true affection, as neither of us wishes to bring the other to grieving remembrances.

I want to touch her, though. I want to pull her close to mine own self, and tell her it is all right, that time will ease her pain, her memories, surely as I would be speaking to my own heart. I fear for her reaction, truly though. She is all I have in this world, little though it is, and I do not wish to lose her.

At last I let the twilight take me, and dip into the well of my dreams, which seize me as they always do, and bring forth the horror of that torchlit hut, and the screaming, and his face.

I wake in panic, my heart racing, to strong hands on me, and gentle words in mine ears that slowly make me know that I am not back there. That I am here, in our home, and safe. I sense her warmth near me, and unable to stop, I head for it, joining close to her as my body shakes and she denies me not, pulling me closer with a determined grip until I am surrounded by her.

I can hear her heart beating, a powerful sound, and I focus on it as it slows, letting it become my world as I circle mine own arms around her, and find the comfort I had so desperately been seeking

She breathes a soft release and settles her body, and I feel the tension that winds her waking and sleeping relax into softness as she lets the warmth between us ease her.

As I do, not questioning the how, or the why of it, knowing only I have found a peace here that soothes some shattered part of me, and I am thankful for it.

Gabrielle rolled onto her side, and let out a long, contented sigh. "That was sweet." She smiled up the length of her partner's body. "They need each other so much."

The warrior gazed at her. "Yeah.. they do." She smiled a little. "Wonder if they know it."

Gabrielle closed her eyes, and remembered.

Only a couple of days. The bard had repeated to herself for not the first time. Don't worry about it, Gabrielle.. just a few days, you hang around here, have some fun, take a break.

OK, Xena.. well, as usual, things happened. I didn't mean to get involved with that miller who was trying to elope with the reeve's daughter, and end up spending the night in jail with a mule, but you know how it is.

Nice break. Now.. where are you?

Gabrielle had gone back to her seat at the inn's back table, resting her elbows on its scarred surface and trying to push the possibilities that kept popping up into her mind out of it. Xena was four days overdue, and that…

It could have been weather, Gabrielle. Or complications, like that never happens, right? Or maybe she stopped in to say hi at home. We're not far from Amphipolis.

And her thoughts had stopped cold.

Or Potadeia.

No. Don't think about that, not now.. not after all this time, Gabrielle. We're friends - she wouldn't just leave me here and not say.. Gabrielle's chest had suddenly become heavy. Not say goodbye, would she? We've been through so much together… I know she likes me.. she wouldn't do that to me, would she?'

But the thought wouldn't go away, and the more she thought about it, the more logical it became. Maybe she did. She thought sadly. Maybe it was easier.. I would have argued until I was blue in the face. She knew that.

How could she?

Maybe she thought it would be easier for me. The bard had mused wearily. She was wrong. I can't take this.. I can't… doesn't she understand how much she means to me? How much I need her?

No.. she probably doesn't. Not like I've ever said anything, right? Funny.. how you don't realize what something means to you until you don’t have it anymore. I should have remembered that. Gabrielle had let her dark thoughts run free, as her mind imagined her going home, leaving the road, and life, and excitement… and a friend she'd come to hold dearer than family.

"No way." She whispered fiercely. "I'll follow you, Xena, I'll follow you just like I did in the beginning, and when I find you… when I find you… Her resolve crumpled. "I'll beg you all over again." She'd let out a small groan, and cradled her head in her hands, letting the sadness grow inside her until all she could feel was a dull emptiness.

Until a hand curled itself around her shoulder, and she looked up to see pale blue eyes looking anxiously back at her. "Hey!" Xena had said, dropping into the seat next to her. "What's wrong?"

What's wrong? Gabrielle's mind had numbly repeated. I thought you left me here like some bone tossed by a dog, that's all, Xena. I thought you abandoned me. "I.. um.. I have a really bad headache." She'd finally mumbled, which had been very true. "Um.. hi… what happened?" She had blinked away her confusion and looked the warrior over. "You ok?"

Xena had sat back, with a sheepish look. "Yeah.. yeah… I got involved in something… it was all this negotiating.. I finally had to just sneak out of town and let them figure it out themselves." She'd paused, and given Gabrielle a look. "I kinda missed having you there."

Funny how a headache could vanish in the blink of an eye. "Really?"

That quirky half smile. "Yeah..really." A hand came over and ruffled her hair. "Sorry it took me so long to get back… were you worried?"

"Me?" The bard had answered. "No way.. I mean, you can take care of yourself, right?"

"Oh." Xena had responded, with a surprisingly crestfallen air. "Well, yeah, I guess."

They'd both fallen silent, then Gabrielle had sighed. "Where do you think I got the headache from? Of course I've been worried." She'd given the warrior an exasperated look. "Do you know how much trouble you can get yourself into in four days?"

Blue eyes had peeked up at her, and a tiny smile had appeared on the warrior's otherwise grim face. "I know I can depend on you to get me out of it."

Now Gabrielle had smiled back. "I guess you can." And had felt a happy warmth come in and nudge her insecurities back into the cupboard she kept them in. She'd looked up, and taken a chance. "I missed you."

Xena had paused for an instant, her jaw working, then she'd glanced down at the table, before giving her head a tiny shake and meeting the bard's eyes again. "I missed you too." She finally admitted, then cleared her throat. "So.. tell me about this mule?"

"If they don't know now, they will soon. " The bard predicted, as she yawned. "One more.. before dinner?" She cast a glance over towards the door. "Now that we're all packed… ??"

Xena stifled a yawn of her own. "Cut that out… you're making me sleepy." She complained good naturedly. "Gods.. I've gotten so bad about that.. I'll be falling asleep walking in the afternoon out there if I'm not careful."

Gabrielle chuckled wickedly. "Nah.. we'll just find a nice.. shady spot… " Her voice grew coaxing, and she rubbed the warrior's belly gently. "And just relax.. and .."

"Gabrielle…" Xena protested with a sigh. "It's not funny."

The bard propped her chin up on one hand. "No.. it's not funny.. it's wonderful, Xena… there's nothing wrong with resting when you're tired, and I think I might have finally gotten that across to you." She smiled slowly. "Besides.. you look so cute when you nap. Especially when you suck your thumb."

Both eyebrows, straight up. "I do nothing of the sort, Gabrielle."

"Heh." The bard chuckled evilly.

"Gabrielle." A whole vocal tone lower, approaching a rumble that the bard could feel as well as hear. "I do not suck my thumb."

"Ok.. if you say so." The bard replied, brightly.

"Gabrielle." Now it hit that low register, making her inner ear vibrate where it was pressed against Xena's linen clad stomach.

"You know, I love when you do that." Gabrielle sighed happily. "It gives me goosebumps." She glanced up at the stormy eyes. "O.K.. you don't suck your thumb." She conceded.

Xena let out a low, rumbling purr.

"But I do sometimes." The bard added, capturing her hand and closing her teeth gently around the digit in question. She grinned at the wide eyed, startled look on Xena's face. "Gotcha."

Xena narrowed her eyes. "You little…."

The bard bit down. "Yeth?"

A deep sigh. "Ok.. you win. I surrender."

Gabrielle released her grip and gave the thumb a tiny lick. "For someone as competitive as you are, that's quite a feat." She rolled over, and selected the next scroll, rolling back and offering it up with her best wishing look. "Please?"

Xena broke into a smile. "Gabrielle, you take shameless advantage of me, you know that?" But she took the scroll and looked at it. "You can read these as well as I can now."

The bard settled her head down on its favorite pillow and sighed contentedly. "I know.. but I love listening to you read." She yawned. "You have a really sexy voice."

Xena looked at her.

"Well, you do." The bard advised her reasonably.

The warrior shook her head, and sighed. "If you say so, Gabrielle."

We go at last back into the company of our fellow humans this day. Things I have to trade and she as well, but she forgoes her bargaining, and sticks close by me, her eyes restless as bees above a new sprung meadow as they search here, and there for threatening motions.

All avoid her, and even tall, rough clad fighters turn aside at her approach, and do not bother us. Whether it is her nervous air, or the tales of her anger, I do not know, but I see her wrap her self inside her dignity, and give all that haughty, Northern stare I have come to know as her own shield to hide behind.

We have slept through the night this fortnight and more, two against the darkness as each other's close presence somehow pushes back the evil dreams, and lets healing sleep come to us. I do not claim to understand it, but I do not argue, just welcome the friendly warmth as we lie in each other's arms in the dim quiet of our cave.

We come to a cloth seller, and my mind goes back, to the bit of cloth I had found that fateful day, lost when I was taken, and I close mine eyes against the memory. A hand brushes my back and I turn to see Elevown perched there, hawk's eyes hooded and darting and she searched for what disturbed me. "Just thoughts, cariad, no more." I whisper, glad to call her such, though she does not know the full meaning of it.

She knows it is a friendly word though, and so, she smiles a little and nods, and lets her gaze consume the wares of the weaver. A bit of woven broadcloth draws her touch, and she lifts it with a hand, rubbing the fingers of it against the grain. It is a pale fawn in color, with bold blue stripes and minds me of the jerkins I saw aboard their longships.

She thinks of home, I see it in her eyes.

The weaver's mistress tucks her hand into mine arm, and draws me aside a bit. "That be the one who purged us that den of animals, no?"

I see Elevown's shoulders stiffen, as her sharp ears hear It, and my heart goes out to her, what little there was that was not already hers, that is. "Aye." I answer simply, and take my breath to defend her of it.

There is no need. The woman goes to her, and sinks to her knees, and takes Elevown's hand and kisses it.

No more eloquent a gesture have I seen in my days, and I feel myself glad for it, glad for the look it brings to those pale, gray eyes, a look of wonder, and surprise, and she looks to me in confusion not knowing what response to give. "What is this?" She asks in her language.

"Tis a thank you, cariad." I tell her.

"I have three daughters." The woman tells her. "They took my sister from me two moons ago… her body thrown back at us like a discarded rag when they were done with her." She kisses Elevown’s hand once more. "May the gods bless you."

Elevown takes her hand back and withdraws, and I see a hundred thoughts galloping behind those eyes before she turns and paces out, her steps unsteady.

I help the woman to stand, and smile at her. "You do a good thing there..she sees only the horror of what she did.. not the benefits."

The woman turns to me. "They say she went through there as though the gods possessed her.. as though Ares himself drove her hands." Her eyes go to the fabric Elevown had been holding. "Would you take this, as a gift to her, from me and mine?"

Take it I did, for my memory holds a picture of those rough hewn overlays, and I wished to give her this bit of her past in proper form. I go outside, and see her standing at the edge of the long road, the soft summer breeze pushing her hair back in a golden stream.

She hears me close, and turns, and I see her need to understand written clearly across her face. "How can she thank me for such as that, Ardwyn?"

I take her arm and put mine about her, as we walk down the road and leave this village behind. "She will not see the darkness that colors my life, and those others, shadow her children’s, my friend. This is a gift to her, one that you have given." I keep my voice gentle, for she is tender to the thoughts of this.

"How can such violence be a gift?" She wonders, leaning unconscious against me. "There was nothing inside me save anger.. I thought not to save future victims, but to punish those…" Her voice falters. "I became no better than they."

"No." I hug her close, and she does not resist me, our steps matching, as the dust of this earth rises up around our knees. "They thought to hurt only for their own pleasure.. I do not think it was pleasure for you."

She stays silent for several paces. "I.. I do not know which I was angrier for.. them for what they did.. or myself for not being there to stop it." Her eyes meet up with mine. "There was no pleasure in that for me."

I stop, and face her towards me. "Elevown, I would have died there." Her skin pales. "I wanted to." I tell her. "You brought me out of the darkest place my mind could ever imagine, and…you gave me reason to keep seeking the light. That is a gift, cariad, never doubt that."

Her attention absorbs me fully. "What means that?" She whispers. "What means that word you say?"

"I have told you…" I start, but her fingers brush my lips for silence.

"Yes.. it is what you call such as people you care for, I know that.. but what means the word?" She breathes with me, and the world around us waits in quiet sunlight.

My secret is out, I fear. "Love." I answer in gentle response. "That is what that word means."

She tips her head forward and rests it against mine, and wraps her arms about me. "Ja." She says, so very softly. "I do."

"Awwww…" Gabrielle rolled onto her side and sighed contentedly. "I liked that one." She sighed, and gazed up at the bemused looking Xena, who was studying the scroll. "Didn’t you?"

"Yeah." The tall warrior mumbled. "I did… " She rolled the parchment up and tapped her partner on the head with it. "C’mon… or they’ll send someone to look for us for dinner. "

"Hey.. I’m there." Gabrielle rolled to her feet, and offered a hand up to the still reclining Xena. "Let’s go." She leaned back and hauled the taller woman up. "Oof… who’s pulling who?" She walked over and took her cloak from the hook near the door, and handed Xena hers. "How’s your head feeling?"

Xena gently probed her healing head wound. "Mmm… still a little tender." She winced. "But not bad." She swung the cloak over her shoulders and fastened it, then circled the bard’s shoulders with an arm as she opened the door and guided her through it.

****************************************

The inn was fairly crowded, as twilight darkened the windows and the torches inside were lit and gave off their smoky essence. Xena and Gabrielle entered, and were assailed with cheerful greetings, to which the warrior waved an amiable hand. "Back there." She motioned with her chin towards where her brother was seated, with Granella next to him.

"How are you feeling?" Toris asked, standing as she approached and studying her with a worried frown. "Damn, sis."

Xena stepped close and growled at him. "Will you cut that out? I’m fine." Her eyes flashed. "It’s just a bump on the head, Toris." She stepped around to the back of the table and took a seat. "Hi Granella."

The slim Amazon raised her mug. ""Lo, Xena." She took a sip. "Glad you’re all right." She exchanged a glance with Gabrielle, who waggled a hand out of her partner’s direct sight. She cocked an eyebrow in response, and sighed.

Cyrene appeared, apparently from nowhere, and settled herself at the end of the table, reaching over and putting a hand over Xena’s and squeezing it gently. "Well.. with you two leaving tomorrow, this is our last chance to get together over dinner for a while." She leaned over and gazed at them both. "I'll miss you."

Gabrielle smiled, and poked her partner under the table. "We’ll miss you all too."

"Yeah." Xena agreed. "So.. what’s this story you have to tell, Toris?"

Her brother’s answer was interrupted by a pair of servers who brought them pitchers of ale, and wooden platters with thick loaves of bread, along with a cistern of soup for them to share. "Oh.. well.." Toris started, carving the bread up and distributing it. "Here…" He handed the end piece to his sister. "I know you like that part."

Xena gave him a look but took it, and nibbled the end, taking a moment to appreciate the nutty, rich taste. It was, she privately admitted, really going to be a tougher adjustment than she had anticipated. She’d gotten uncomfortably used to being in relatively safe surroundings, with.. Her eyes roamed the table, and the inn. With her family around her.

She’d become used to seeing her mother, and even Toris’ sibling rivalry seemed warm, and familiar. Gabrielle leaned back in the chair next to her, relaxed and happy, her green eyes sparkling over something Cyrene was relating to her, and Xena felt the odd mixture of excitement over going on new adventures tempered with regret for leaving that had plagued her for several weeks now. The bard had let herself become part of this world with ease; she was well respected by the villagers, Cyrene adored her. Toris worshipped her…she appeared healthy, and contented… and here Xena was, about to take that all away.

Maybe I could just say no. The warrior mused quietly, chewing on her bread. Half her heart wanted to do just that.. forget about wandering the countryside, forget about paying for her past.. just.. stay here, and keep Gabrielle safe, and live.. as normal a life as she was capable of.

Maybe she was getting old. Xena considered the prospect. It wasn’t as horrifying as it used to be, she realized suddenly, and that caused a wry grin to force itself onto her face. She wasn’t willing, not anymore, to risk everything for stupid reasons. Not when a future, once never even considered, was now fuzzily coming into focus, and it involved this place, and her family, and this woman sitting next to her.

She’d actually sat back the other day, and realized she’d spent the past few months basically just being really happy. Other than the odd problem or two, it had almost been like living in a nice, warm dream world, except that she never woke up. Well, she sighed. Time to wake up, I guess… but gods, it’s been nice.

"So." Toris said, taking a big bite of bread and chewing it. "There we are, in Letansa, just sitting in the back of the inn minding our own business."

"Kind of like we are now?" Granella commented wryly, as she dipped a piece of the bread into her soup and popped it into her mouth. "Except the food’s much better." She mumbled around the mouthful. "They were serving some kind of lamb something there that smelled about six years old."

Winces around the table. "Anyway.. " Toris gave her a look. "So we were sitting there, and this group of scroungy looking guys come in, and sit down at a table near us… it was pretty crowded." He scooped up some soup and swallowed. "We were playing with our food, when we heard them talking." His eyes lifted and met his sister’s. "This guy, with a funny voice, was bragging about how he’d hired an assassin to kill you, and how this guy had already pitched you off a cliff."

Xena played with her bread, and rolled a bit of it into a ball, which she slowly put into her mouth. "Not quite." She answered tightly, and felt a gentle touch of fingertips against her leg.

"I don’t think I need to say that we were kind of upset to hear him say that." Toris said. "I’m.. um.. I was about to do something that probably wasn’t really smart."

"He wanted to jump them right there." Granella supplied helpfully. "I was wishing for my bow, let me tell you."

Toris smiled at her affectionately. "Well.. I never got the chance."

They all looked at him. "What happened?" Gabrielle asked, as she felt the rigid muscles under her fingertips begin to loosen.

"This guy stood up, at the table across from them… a big guy, with a scar across half his face. " Toris went on, glancing at Xena with an inquiring look. "He says, ‘Hey, scumbag, she’s a friend of mine.’"

A slow smile crossed the warrior’s visage. "Palamon." She exchanged looks with Gabrielle. "Has to be." Her eyes glinted gently. "We… um… he helped me out, a while back."

Gabrielle’s brow rose. Helped her out.. that’s a new way of defining that situation. "Right." She agreed. "He was nice."

Cyrene leaned forward. "Have I heard that story?"

"No." Both warrior and bard answered simultaneously, then glanced at each other.

"Ah." The innkeeper sighed. "One of those, hmmm?" She peered from one to the other. "So.. which one of you were in danger?"

Blue eyes met green. "Yes." Xena muttered. "It was… complicated."

Toris cleared his throat. "Can I get this story finished, please?" He glared at them. "Thank you… now, this guy stands up and challenges him, and I’m figuring, he’s nuts… but I'm kinda obligated so I get up and say me too, or something like that…"

"You said.. ‘That’s my sister you’re talking about you pig sucking half assed bastard.’" Granella interrupted calmly, leaning back in her chair with her bowl of soup and taking a spoonful. "I thought it was quite creative, and certainly colorful."

Toris sighed. "Eeeyah. Well…. " He gave Xena a weak smile. "I’m kinda fond of you, sis."

Xena rested her chin on her fist and gave him an affectionate look. "Same here, Toris."

Cyrene sighed happily.

"Right..so this tall guy looks a little surprised, but then both of us are surprised when who do you think walks over?" He glanced at them. "Hercules and Iolaus."

"Really?" Gabrielle laughed. "Popular inn."

"Yeah.. really.. and they’ve got these two guys with them.. one taller guy, with dark hair, and a moustache.. kind of classy looking.. and this other, shorter, kind of bald, kind of fat guy with a beard."

Xena's brow creased. "Autolycus and Salmoneus?" She looked at Gabrielle. "What the Hades is going on that brought together all those guys at once?"

Toris shrugged. "I dunno. But that's who they were, though I didn't find that out till later. " He paused. "Nice guys." He paused again. "Really miffed they missed the party." He picked up his mug of ale, and took a long drink, then set it down again, and played with it. "So then the funny voiced guy stands up and I get a good look at him, and I say something about he's a bad guy.."

"You said.. "Rurik! That's the brainless cowardly bastard who kidnapped Gabrielle.' " Granella drawled, accepting the plate of lamb shanks and steamed grains the server was holding out to her. "Thanks." She settled into her meal with a happy sigh. "That certainly got everyone's attention."

Gabrielle cleared her throat and took a forkful of the steamed grains, chewing self-consciously.

"Ah… yeah." Toris blushed a little. He fiddled with his mug some more. "So then we fought."

Xena winced. "In a crowded inn?"

"Like that ever stopped you?" Gabrielle commented in a low mutter. "Ouch…" She poked her partner back.

"It was a mess." Granella confirmed. "There were about a dozen of his guys, but we.. um…we kind of got the upper hand pretty quick except… " Her eyes fastened on Toris and she hesitated. "Rurik pulled a dagger."

"And?" Cyrene asked, in a low voice.

"And… " Toris took a deep breath. "And I'd spent most of the winter getting pointers from my sister, so… " He looked up and met Xena's eyes squarely. "So you don't have to worry about Rurik anymore." He fell silent for a long moment, their gazes locked. "I took the knife from him, and put it into his heart."

Utter silence fell, as Xena went very still, and just looked at him for a long time. Then she sucked in a breath, and let it out. "I'm sorry."

Toris reached over and covered her hand with his. "I'm not." His voice was peaceful. "He hurt two people I care very much about, and.. um.. .he won't ever be doing that any more."

Xena studied him in the total silence which fell again, her gaze on him, everyone else's on her. She knew it, she felt it, along with the solid, sure grip of Gabrielle's hand around her knee. My brother. Her mind mused thoughtfully. I never wanted this… but… She lifted her left hand up and cupped the back of his neck with it, squeezing gently. "Thanks." She said finally, simply, as she pulled his head over and kissed it.

"You getting all mushy on me, sis?" He whispered as their dark hair tangled together.

"Yep." Xena replied, just as softly. "You're the only brother I have, Toris.. I'm entitled."

They separated with quiet grins, and looked up, at the attentive group around the table. Identical eyebrows lifted simultaneously. "Problem?" Xena asked coolly.

Everyone found interesting things to eat on their plates all at once.

"So.. um.. " Toris cleared his throat. "After that was all over, we kinda… uh… well, sat down and all kind of.. um.. talked." He watched Xena stop in mid chew and grinned. "Exchanged stories. You know." The warrior looked up at him with a pained expression. "You've got a lot of fans, sis."

Xena let out a long sigh, and gave her partner a sideways glance.

"Don't look at me." Gabrielle waved her off. "It's not my fault.. they all know you in person, Xena… they've got their own stories.. not mine." She ducked forward and caught Toris' eye. "Did Palamon tell you.. "

Toris nodded.

The bard chuckled. "And what about Sal.. did he mention the seltzer thing?"

Toris nodded.

Gabrielle smiled. "Good." She ducked a glare. "She never lets me tell those." She glanced back. "And Autolycus.. I guess he.. " She hesitated.

Toris nodded, this time solemnly. "That one was a show stopper."

Cyrene leaned forward. "And you did remember to take notes, so I can finally hear these right?" She reached over and grabbed Xena's hand when the warrior drew breath to protest. "Xena! I'm not that fragile, for Artemis' sake. I spent ten years having to hear the bad stories, let me hear the good ones, all right?" Her voice was angry.

The warrior stared at her plate, very aware of Gabrielle's tense form in the chair next to her as the bard reacted to her upset. This is stupid. She decided. I need to lighten up. "Sorry." She raised her head and gave her mother an apologetic look. "Old habits." She tried a half smile on. "Um.. you might as well just ask my bard here.. she knows them all by heart."

Gabrielle felt her whole body relax at the words, and she exchanged a grin with Cyrene. "Of course, she says this the night before we're leaving." She commented wryly.

Cyrene leaned back with a satisfied smile. "We'll get to them.. now.. tell me this Pali..whatever.. one."

Gabrielle took a large mouthful of lamb and chewed it. "Mmm… " She commented. "Well.. ok.. at least you'll get to hear both sides. " She took another mouthful. "It started kinda quiet.. we were shopping…."

Xena concentrated on her dinner, letting the bard's words slip over her hearing as she spun out a tale the warrior knew intimately. Palamon.. brought back memories of a very scary time for her. A time of encroaching darkness, when only her will had allowed her to overcome an increasingly debilitating handicap and had driven her through all obstacles until she'd reached her objective.

It had all come down to saving Gabrielle's life, at the expense of remaining in darkness for the rest of her days. And when she looked back, it had been such an easy decision.

Darkness had settled around her, robbing her of even the slightest hint of gray shadows, and she'd known, as they entered the palace, that it was going to remain that way. She had no chance now, even with the antidote, to reverse the damage the oil had done.

But she'd thrust that aside, and focused on the one thing she'd had left. Chaos was around her, hammering her newly sensitized hearing with waves of sound, and bombarding her sense of smell with an uncomfortable range of scents ranging from the stone of the castle, to the brimstone odor of wood fires burning.

They'd gotten through the guards, her battle instincts holding true allowing her to place blows needing no sight, just relying on her hearing and body command to accurately target her opponents by their breathing, and the shift of their feet against the floor, and the smell of their fear when they spotted her.

Finding the furnace more by the increasing heat and the faint sounds of banging than anything else, and then getting her hands on a moving box of wood, which scraped her hands raw until she got purchase on it, and pit her body against the moving chain, coiling her muscles and shoving against the moving gears until she felt them seize up, and the coffin stopped its motion.

Wrenching the top open and having those same senses of hearing, and smell identify its occupant, and then her touch confirming it as she pulled Gabrielle up and hugged her in simple, mindless relief.

And felt the sharp, sudden intake of breath when she told her about the blindness that wiped out so much of her world, not the least of which was the knowledge she'd never see the compassionate eyes she knew were gazing at her again.

They'd made it back to the chamber they'd been holding Gabrielle in, while Vidalis went off to mix up some henna, which she sensed was going to be too little, too late, and she quietly settled herself onto a low bench near the window as the bard changed out of her court finery back into her familiar traveling gear.

Sitting there, the battle over, and won, it had hit her.

She was blind.

What does a blind warrior do? Xena's exhausted brain fed her the answer. They die. She was a walking target, unable to defend herself in any but the most basic manner. Unable to defend Gabrielle.

Which mean traveling with her now was out of the question. It was a matter of safety, she tried to convince herself. It wasn't that she didn't want Gabrielle to see her like this, not at all. No.. Gabrielle had to be safe. She'd understand.

A sound lifted her head, and she focused her hearing across the room, picking up the familiar sounds of her friend without any problem. Back in her regular clothing, because the shift and whisper of the gown material was gone, and she could hear the gentle rasp of familiar leather boots against the stone floors of the chamber. "Feel better?" She asked quietly.

"You know where I am, don't you?" Gabrielle's voice had drifted over.

Xena let her head rest against the cool stone, but nodded. "Yeah… I know where you are.. I know you finished changing, I know you put your boots on, but didn't tie the laces, and you have grapes."

Silence. "That's… amazing." The bard finally whispered, and walked closer, almost overwhelming Xena with the sudden barrage of warm, familiar scents, and the distressed sound of her breathing. She'd sat down next to Xena and let out a long breath. "I.. I don't know what to say to you." She started, in a small voice. "Maybe I'll save it for when Vidalis gets back with that stuff and you can see me again…. I don't.."

It fell into silence, and Xena reached out tentatively, and captured the bard's hand, enclosing it in both of her own. "Gabrielle… I.. I don't think it's going to work."

"Don’t say that." The bard had whispered softly. "It will work, Xena… if you knew you need to get this stuff, why didn't you.."

"Couldn’t risk it." Xena had said, feeling every inch of the darkness closing in around her. "I had to make sure you were safe first." She nodded a little. "You weren't. I was right."

"But.. " Gabrielle has started.

"No buts, Gabrielle. No buts, no what ifs, no second thoughts." Xena had clearly, and precisely spoken. "I don't regret that." She'd paused. "And I never will."

She'd felt the softness as Gabrielle laid her head against her shoulder, and then the warm moisture of the bard's tears against her skin. "What are we going to do?" Gabrielle finally asked, after a long silence between them.

She should just tell her. Xena had thought. Just.. it's logical, it makes sense.. until she imagined herself saying the words that would separate them and found she just couldn’t do it. She just.. could.. not .. tell Gabrielle she was going to make sure she got home, alone. "I.. I don't know." She finally answered. "I guess we'll think of something."

"Good answer." Gabrielle had mumbled. "Because if you'd said something like you were going to go off somewhere and not let me stay with you, I"d have been really mad." She'd tightened her hold. "Because I'm not leaving you, no matter what." She'd taken a shaky breath. "So.. so just get used to that idea, ok?"

She doesn't really mean that. Xena had told herself. And I'm not going to let her give up her dreams for me. But it had felt wonderful to hear, and she clutched it to her, holding it against the darkness that was pressing closer and closer.

They'd gone outside for the treatment, into the tree lined courtyard, where Xena could feel the dappled pattern of the sunlight through the leaves against her skin, and the cool stone of the bench Gabrielle led her to. She could hear and smell Vidalis near, but her attention was focused on Gabrielle, who was standing in front of her.

She could hear the gentle watery sounds of the infusion, and the quiet hiss as the bard rinsed off the small piece of sponge she was using. She could hear Gabrielle's breathing, which was faster than normal, and heavier with nervousness. She could smell the bard's skin, very distinctive, and the sharp, bitter scent of the contents of the dish. "Go ahead." She'd told her.

Warm fingers touching her jaw, tilting her face up towards the sun, then a trickle of moisture hit her eyelids, and she blinked, then gasped at the violent, harsh stinging in her eyes. She tried to move her head, but Gabrielle was insistent, and delivered another dose.

She'd clamped her eyes shut against the stinging, and felt the gentle, soft movement as the bard wiped the stuff off that had trickled down her face.

A quiet moment, when she'd heard just Gabrielle's tense breathing, and the sound of her swallowing a few times, as Vidalis shifted impatiently in the far background.

She'd blinked her eyes open, and had been shocked at fuzzy gray light, where there had only been darkness before. Another blink, and the gray was resolving into blurry colors, then a movement in front of her drew her attention and she focused on that.

And the motion became an outline, which slowly solidified into a very familiar face. She had, she later reflected, never realized just how beautiful Gabrielle's eyes were until she'd seen them sparkling in the sunlight of that late afternoon.

A sight for sore eyes. Oh yeah. She certainly was that.

Xena glanced up from her plate, realizing everyone was looking at her. "Something wrong?"

Gabrielle smiled, and captured her hand under the table. "Nope. .I just finished up the story. Where did you go off to?"

The warrior absorbed the looks she was getting from her family and shrugged. "Just.. remembering parts of it." She concentrated on her lamb for a minute. "Gave me a new perspective on some things."

Cyrene watched her in silence for a long minute, shaking her head. "Xena.. do you think.. after a while, you could have adapted.. to being blind?"

Xena glanced up, her fork in her mouth, and paused, biting down on it. "I don't know." She shrugged. "I didn't have to find out."

"Palemon said… " Toris ventured. "That was the most amazing thing to him.. he said.. after, he tried tying a blindfold on and walking around.. nearly killed himself." Her brother spread butter on a piece of bread and took a bite. "He said he could see you working things out in other ways…using your other senses, I guess."

The warrior nodded. "Basically.. yeah…you never know.. I spend time, now.. drilling blindfolded." She went back to her plate, oblivious to the startled looks around the table. "Just a matter of using what you have, more or less."

Gabrielle leaned forward. "She says that so… like it's nothing, right? " She chuckled a little. "You'd be amazed at what she can tell just by a scent or two."

Xena gave her a look, and a sultry grin, which caused a burst of a laughter around the table.

"Tch." The bard backslapped her shoulder. "You're so bad."

Her partner manufactured an innocent look. "I didn't do anything. You said it." Xena protested reasonably, finishing up her plate and leaning back with her mug of ale, taking a sip and trying to remember if this was her third mug or her fourth.

If you can't remember, it's your fourth. Her mind reasoned, and she put the rest down on the table, and paid attention to Gabrielle's next story.

**********************************************************

The night was starry and clear as they left the inn, and headed home. Gabrielle yawned, and moved closer, hooking her arm through her partner's. "Mom's so cute.. she made those cakes for you that you like so much."

"Us." Xena corrected, with a lazy grin. "You like them as much as I do, and she knows it." She took in a deep breath of the cold night air and enjoyed the scent of pine on it. "Nice night."

Gabrielle looked around her appreciatively. "Yeah." She sighed. "I'm going to miss this." She glanced over when she didn't receive a response, and studied her partner's silent profile. "Are you?"

The night air showed visibly as Xena breathed out, then in. "I've been thinking about that a lot, Gabrielle." She mounted the few steps up to the cabin's porch, the wood echoing under their weight, and settled herself on the low bench outside the window, patting a space next to her for the bard to occupy.

Gabrielle sat down, and huddled against her gratefully as the warrior wrapped one end of her cloak around them. "You have, huh?"

Xena nodded. "Yeah.. I.. um… was thinking about what we were going to do after we finish up this thing with Herc…and I.. um…" Her eyes roamed the night, as she tried to come up with the right words to describe her feelings, never an easy task.

"You want to come back here?" Gabrielle supplied quietly, a faint hint of a smile on her face.

Xena leaned back and stared at her hands, resting on her thighs. "I'd.. like to try it, yes." She answered soberly. "I know.. things aren't going to stop happening to us.. there's always going to be situations like this.. or other things that need taking care of. " She went on. "But between that…" She shook her head a little. "I never thought I'd feel this way." She looked at her partner. "I never thought I could go home."

"And now you have." The bard whispered.

Xena nodded slowly. "Yeah.. and I've realized that maybe… this is what I want." She gazed at the floor. "I'm sorry."

Both blond eyebrows jerked up. "Sorry? For what?"

Xena's pale blue eyes drifted around the village, then back to her. "This isn't what you left home for."

Gabrielle gazed at her and sighed. "Your mother was right. You are an idiot sometimes." She cupped the warrior's cheek, and forced her to make eye contact. "Xena, you are what I left home for." She paused to let that sink in. "I love it here, you know that."

"You.. don't mind, then?" There was a growing confidence in the warrior's voice now.

"Um… no.. which brings me to something I… I've been wanting to talk to you about." It was Gabrielle's turn to regard the floor. "You… just made it a lot easier."

"I did?" Xena gazed at her. "Were you.. I mean.. did you want to make this a more permanent thing, too?"

The bard rubbed her jaw, and ran a hand through her pale hair. "Kinda." She looked up with a faintly sheepish air. "I don't know.. maybe it was talking to Lila…I.." She lifted her hands, and let them drop. "But I had a talk with Toris." A tiny smile. "He was… a little shaken up about the question.. but.. um.. he agreed."

Xena blinked at her. "He… agreed?" She repeated slowly.

Gabrielle nodded. "Yeah.. he um… I told him I was… um..interested in having a child..and.. I.. really kind of liked his looks." She blushed. "And.. he agreed."

Xena's jaw dropped. "Uh… w.. why didn't you… Gods, Gabrielle.. you coulda said something!"

"I didn't… " She laughed gently. "I didn't want to say anything.. not until we got back here after the summer.. but now that you've brought this up…I um.. thought it would be a good time to discuss it."

"Um." The warrior stopped, and started again. "Um…" A grin threatened to take over her face, and she just lifted her hands up. "Whoo.. I um…um..."

"You're speechless." Gabrielle laughed. "But I guess you like the idea because you're smiling, and you usually don't do that when you're mad."

"I.. I'm not mad, no." Xena eventually managed to get out. "But.. Gabrielle.. are you sure?" She took the bard's hands in her own. "Been there.. done that.. you sure this is something you want?" She gave the bard a wry look. "It's not exactly a picnic, you know."

Gabrielle smiled. "Everything worth having is worth working for. " She stated quietly. "I learned that." She gazed up into the brilliant blue eyes dancing close to hers. "Yes, I'm sure."

Xena smiled, and nodded acquiescence. "All right then." She sighed happily. "I wish I could have been there when you asked him, though."

Gabrielle grinned, remembering.

It had been a blustery day, and they were stuck indoors. She'd given a light staff workout to the few students who'd managed to get there before the bad weather hit, and she had just put her staff in its corner and caught her breath when Toris entered from the kitchen.

"Hey…" She'd greeted him, deciding it was a good moment.

He'd looked up. "Hey!" His face had broken into that weirdly familiar smile as he'd crossed the room, and offered her half of the freshly baked muffin he was chewing on.

She'd accepted, and sat down at the closest table. "Join me?"

Another smile. "Sure." He'd straddled the bench opposite her and put his elbows on the table. "Mom just finished with these… " He motioned with the muffin. "It's new experiment she's trying."

Gabrielle had nibbled a corner, then grinned. "It worked." She took a healthy sized bite, and chewed with enjoyment. "So… what have you been up to?" How do you ease into this kind of conversation? She'd wondered.

"Not much." Toris had answered, finishing his half of the muffin and dusting his fingers off lightly. "How about you? I heard the staff practice going on in here.. did you leave anyone standing?"

"A few.. a few.." She'd laughed, then cleared her throat, and checked the near vicinity for others. None. "Listen.. Toris.. I.. um.. I've got something I'd like to discuss with you."

His head cocked, and he interlaced his fingers. "Oh?" He looked around nervously. "Listen.. I know I was a little overboard on the teasing yesterday.. but she was ok with it, really."

"Um.. right.. no.. " Gabrielle patted his hand. "She was fine.. no.. that's not what I wanted to talk about." She ran through a couple of approaches in her head. "Toris… um.. how do you feel about kids?"

It was, apparently, the last thing he expected her to ask. He straightened up, and his brows scrunched. "Uh…well, we've talked, Gran and I.. and.. well, you… if we…and it looks kinda like we are.. " He blushed a little. "So.. well, after that, we'd probably… Gabrielle, why are you asking?"

She bit the arrowhead. "Well, see.. I've really been thinking about it.. and.. I kinda would like one."

His face cleared. "Oh.. well.. sure.. " He smiled, then hesitated. "Um… you.. do .. realize there's a.. um… well, a logistical problem with that…er.. right?"

She nodded, and folded her hands, leaning towards him a little. "Eeeyah.. I… um.. kinda did realize that.. but.. um…see, I really, really like Xena's looks."

A shrug of one shoulder. "Well.. sure.. who wouldn't?" Toris asked reasonably.

"Mmhmm… " Gabrielle agreed. "Tall, dark hair, those great blue eyes… " She watched the beginnings of comprehension start twitching across his face. "Make a real, real cute kid, doncha think?"

"Uh." Toris had swallowed so hard she heard it. "Are you… uh… you're not ask… you… uh…" He licked his lips. "Are you?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I am. "

"Oh." He said faintly.

She waited, watching the thoughts run through his mind. "Xena and I have already talked about it." She dispensed neatly with his first, most immediate concern. "She um… she lost the opportunity to be a part of Solon's life when he was a baby.. and while he grew up. I.. I would like to give that back to her." She met his eyes. "And.. Toris.. you're my brother… I love you.. and I can't think of anyone I'd rather be asking."

She'd seen him swallow twice, but his gaze never left hers. "All right." He'd answered very quietly. "I'm honored you're asking me." Then he'd nodded. "Whenever you're ready, I'll do it."

Gabrielle had smiled. "Thanks."

"I told Lila when we went out there that I’d already spoken to him.. " The bard confessed. "But it was seeing her.. talking to her…I think that kinda triggered something." She let out a quiet sigh, as Xena half turned, and wrapped her arms around her, settling her hands protectively around her middle. "It's.. kinda weird, and kinda wonderful feeling." She finished.

"Yeah." Xena's voice rumbled into her ears. "You got that right."

They sat for a long moment, just gazing out at the moonlight, which painted the courtyard in an unfamiliar silver and shadow. "You up to that scroll?" Gabrielle finally asked. "I think it's.. the one."

"The one." Xena repeated, nibbling on the bard's ear. "The one? Oh… that 'the one'" She chuckled softly. "Sure.. why not?" She scooped the bard up in her arms, and stood, tossing her up a little and catching her.

Gabrielle giggled. "You'd better cut that out.. you're going to hurt yourself." She wrapped her arms around Xena's neck, and let out a long, heartfelt sigh. "Xena?"

"Mmm?" The warrior seemed to be holding her breath, just standing with her eyes closed, and a smile on her face.

"Is it possible to be this happy?" Gabrielle whispered. "I feel like I'm going to explode."

Xena let her eyes drift open. "I was just thinking the same thing." She closed her eyes again and let it overwhelm her, a joy so intense it washed through her like water. In that one moment, she knew peace, and contentment, and love, and forgot to even consider whether or not she deserved any of it.

Then she gave the bard a little squeeze, and kicked the cabin door open, edging inside and closing it behind her with a booted foot. "Hey boy.. " She patiently waited for Ares to frisk out of the way before she continued on and deposited her partner on the bed. The wolf immediately jumped up onto the surface next to the bard and commenced a lick fest.

"Ares…" Gabrielle laughed. "Here.. go see mommy.. I think she brought you a treat in her pocket."

"Roo?" The wolf stumbled to the edge of the bed, and looked at her hopefully. "Arghrooo?"

Xena put her hands on her hips. "And how did you know I had something for him?" She asked the bard, raising a dark eyebrow.

Gabrielle flopped over onto her back and gestured at the ceiling. "Oh please.. Xena….you always do.. you’re about as predictable as the rooster who wakes us up every morning."

"Oh I am, huh?" The warrior asked, in a challenging voice.

The bard gazed up at her, lit in golden candelight and smiled. "Have I told you recently how beautiful you are?"

A wry grin creased her partner's face. "Not since you were half out of your mind on nutbread, Gabrielle." She sighed, and offered up the contents of her pocket to the eagerly waiting Ares. "Here you go, boy."

Gabrielle put her hands behind her head. "Gods.. I think it so often, you'd think it would come out of my mouth every other sentence." She paused. "I should say it more… you always say nice things about me…I guess I forget sometimes that even if it's obvious, I should say stuff too." She rubbed her temples a little. "Sorry.. I'm babbling… I think that last glass of ale did me in."

Xena finished slipping into a thickly woven shirt and dropped onto the bed, rolling onto her side and propping her head up on one hand. "That's all right.. you're cute when you babble."

"See?" The bard ruffled Ares's fur, as the wolf crawled up next to her and burrowed his head into her chest. "You always say nice things. " She paused. "That was nice, wasn't it?"

"Yeah." The warrior assured her. "It was." She idly rubbed Ares' back, then watched as Gabrielle rolled off the bed, and shrugged out of her own clothes and into a sleep shirt. The candlelight, she decided, did really nice things to her partner, highlighting the red tints in her hair, and catching the soft, fine down that covered her body in a golden glow.

Gabrielle slipped into her sleep shirt, and padded over to the desk, picking up her precious scroll, and hugging it to her. "We may not get through this whole thing.. " She stifled a yawn. "I'm a little sleepy, but…" She brought a tall candle with her to the bed, and set it down, then climbed up next to Xena.

The cheerful scent of the melting wax combined with the warm mixture of smells that were the bard put Xena in a pleasant haze until her cheek was patted lightly. "Huh.. oh. Sorry. " She grinned a little, and pulled herself up against the headboard, leaning back and letting the bard settle against her chest. She curled an arm around Gabrielle's middle, and waited for her partner to unroll the parchment.

As she did, she was conscious of where her hand was resting, and let her mind wander over the thought of her partner having a child growing in there. A grin appeared on her face, unseen by the bard. Her own pregnancy… The grin disappeared. Hadn't been a good one. She'd always been surprised that both she and Solon had survived it. But Gabrielle's… that would be different. The grin reappeared. She'd have an excuse to spoil her partner unmercifully, and she intended to take the opportunity. And her mother… gods. The grin grew wider, imagining Cyrene's delight.

"Ready?" Gabrielle's voice broke into her pleasant daydream, and she turned her attention to the scroll.

Once again the colors change here, as the sun begins its decent in to the dark months, and we prepare for the coming of the years end.

Our winter will be far more secure this time, I know, as we have laid in good provisions, and have things put by for the dark, cold months when hunting will be scarce, and the world calls in its bounty before the renewal of the spring.

I am well, as I can be, and I can scarce believe it has been a year since we have come up on this far off place, a year in which so much has happened, and so many things have changed.

A large town nearby, called Cirron by them will be having a harvest festival, and I have coaxed mine companion into attendance, as I feel the need to offer up a time of thanks for our survival of this year, even if they do homage to gods unknown to me.

So coax her I do, her grumbling halfhearted I ken, and down we go this bright, crisp morn when our breathing be barely visible before us.

The bold, striped colors do well on her, and contrast with her golden hair and gray eyes, and I find myself watching her as I am wont to do, as we walk our long path down, over river and through darkling woods, to the road which leads to Cirron.

As always, in these woods, mine eyes see shadows and whispers of things unseen, and I spin a tale of magic, and faiery for Elevown's interest as we walk.

She strides beside me, her longer legs held in check to keep us even, with that rolling gait that comes from a lifetime shipboard, or so she says, and our arms brush often as she leans close to hear my words.

"See you monsters everywhere, Ardy?" Her voice holds warmth as I finish, and she smiles at me, an expression I have seen more common on her face of late, as I find it more common on mine.

Curious, that is.

"Nay… " I forestall her. "But there are things around us, eyes watching, I feel it."

Her eyes take on a hunter's glint. "Ja. So do I." She takes this excuse to move closer, as if to assure me of my safety, and I find myself welcoming this with a quiet pleasure that starts the thoughts whirling inside me as it often does.

We find our way to Cirron as darkness sets down, and enter the town gates, where much merriment is already before us. The courtyard square is full of torchlit shadows, and music rolls on crisp air amongst the solid sounds of honest boots in dance steps.

I smell roasting meat on the air, and see Elevown's eyes light, as she spots a group of fighters rounded a stoked pit trading stories of battles. I expect her to wander, but she does a strange thing, she forgoes the rough language, and follows me close instead, poking her head into firelit merchants alongside me as we wind our way through the festive market.

Ah, she is gone, slipping through the crowd like a pale haired ghostling, returning as I am finding some of the fruits we both like and gathering them to my breast. Her gray eyes wink lightly, as she exchanges a cup to me for some of my coveted morsels, and I drink deep of the sweet, rich wine of the last harvest, and watch her do the same, as her attention roves far about us.

"Good, ja?" She holds up her cup and I nod. Aye, tis not like the mead of my father's hearth, but it is good enough. We carry our wine and wander, dodging the giggling children and folks making merry about us. I had always liked the harvest at home, a time for new beginnings as well as endings, when we celebrated the bounty of the Lady, and took care that plenty was laid by for the long, dead months to come.

This night three joinings were celebrant, and the dancing in the square was wild, and ribald, as the young people made merry, this, their last night of freedom from the bondage of family. Elevown lays claim to a table snug to the firelight, and we settle in comfort to watch the high spirits.

A hand laid on my wrist. "Hungry?" She asks, with a wishing in those pale eyes. For always she is, like a wolf never stopping, though her frame does not show it. "Aye.. a bit." I tease, for I know I smell boar roasting, and that is a thing she dearly loves.

A smile, and she is gone a hunting, and I settle my back and watch the bold dancers, as they whirl and move in a high sport with each other, so different than that which we did at home. I lose myself in it, until some little time as passed, and here is Elevown, making her way back to me, triumphantly laden with platters, which she bestows on the table with proud flourishes.

Ah, my Lady.. she has outdone herself in this time. A feast it is indeed, of all good things which grow and are grown in lands around. The roast is there, and long roots which they roast, and grains both cooked and within narrow loaves of dark, fragrant bread. Together with my fruits we make a fine dinner, and watch the dancing as the music winds its way through the both of us and spirals for the stars.

I find a bit of roast most tender, and knowing her liking, take it up onto my knife, and thence to mine fingers, and offer it over in jest.

Her eyes twinkle, and she bends her neck, and takes this tidbit, and I feel the touch of her teeth capture my fingers, and her lips close upon them.

And we are, for that moment, alone in Cirron. I would believe should a herd of wild beasts thunder past us, I would not know it. A moment only, and then the sound crashes back over me, and I am given my fingers back, and we are left wondering, as our eyes meet, and I see a fey smile shape her lips.

I cannot believe what I am feeling. I watch, as in a dream, as she slices off a bit of her own portion, and extends it to me, and I take it in silence, then feel the softness as her knuckles brush my cheek.

What road do we travel, we two? The past time just has shown me a change in her, a gentling I never expected to see, and it has brought to her a warmth, and a closeness that I cannot but delight in. She chooses my company even in the solitude of our cave, perching beside me as we work at our nightly tasks, and finding a favorite spot to watch our fire, with her arms thrown about my neck, and her chin resting upon mine shoulder in mindless companionship.

That there is love between us is undeniable, I know it, but of late I begin to wonder if we are not headed somewhere deeper, into waters uncharted by either our experience, and I do not know if I am capable, nor willing to open mine own self up to the memories that will freshen and bring up whole.

This night, though, this night, I find myself enjoying her attentions with a gentle giddiness that does not threaten my senses, and we sit in contentment, trading our portions back and forth, and letting the magic of the night roll over us in pleasure.

At last the moon sets, and the revelry quiets, and I am happy, though I have failed in my quest to coax Elevown to the dancing square. She is bashful of eyes watching her, though with her grace, and her skill at her steps, she has nothing to fear in the seeing of it. I cannot feel ill towards her though, she has tendered her apology most endearingly, by capturing for me a plate of the sweet honey cakes she knows I love, and so has pacified my indigence at her shyness as I allow her to buy my forgiveness with such.

We wander our way through murmuring crowds shifting homeward, to a place we have secured for this night and one other, to more fully sample the festival and so come to our resting spot, a well placed inn whose windows overlook the well ribboned festival square, and whose apple cheeked mistress greets us with warmth and fine intentions.

Tired, we both are, even my robust companion, who puts on her gruff front for our patron, but whose bodies lines and movements are so known to me, that I see the weariness in her with little trouble. I coax her out of her surcoat and weapons, and into her favorite crimson shift that I also love, to see its contrast with her fair coloring.

I go to the window, and stand quiet, gazing out to the square and its torchlit sparseness, until I feel a hand on my shoulder, and turn to see her perched behind me, following my eyes out into the darkness. "What see you?" Her eyes look up to mine own.

"That such as these are not so different than mine own kind." I answer in all mildness. "The customs be different, but still there is the thanking for the bounty of the year, which seems a goodly thing."

"Ja." She leans on the wooden arch which holds the window. "We do such also… especially the joining to make it more like to survive the cold winters."

Mine eyes covet her. "Were you such, cariad?"

A single shake no. "I was not thought seemly." Comes the quiet answer. "Wedded to Thor I was, no hearth would tame me." The faint, mocking smile I know well she uses to cover hurt appears. "My father told me to hone the skills that I have, for my strength was found appealing, though my looks were not."

I marvel at tiny, hidden child's hurt I see in her eyes. "Then your father be either foolish or blind, cariad.. for you are very beautiful."

Ah..I have caught her unawares, and she stands before me stripped of her defenses. "Think you truly, Ardy?"

"Aye." My simple reply.

"That is well." Her smile captures me. "For I think the same of you." Her eyes go out to the darkness, on a breath my startled eyes see as frightened. "What of you, Ardy?" She looks to the square, and its lingering dancers. "Were you such?"

I smile. "Not yet, but soon." I remember our longhouse. "My father had many offers, though that I ken had more to do with the advantage of joining to our household, than cares for my charms."

"They are fools, then." There is a gentle look to her eyes that snares me in. "I would not have cared if your father was shaman or beggar."

"Would you not?" I banter in faint tones. "What then of your ambition?"

Neither of us move, and yet, and yet we are so close now I can almost hear her heartbeat, and wonder if it's rapid beat matches mine own. I shiver, balanced on a knife's blade of fear, half of me wanting to hide from awakening my nightmares, the other half…

Ah, my Lady.

"I would lay my future down, without thought." Her answer comes, inevitable as the spring that comes after winter. Her hand cups my cheek in gentle entreaty, and I find myself unable to keep from closing with her, unable to chain my body's responses to her nearness. She bends her head and her lips brush mine, then again, then come home to stay, and my fear flies as a bird might, out into the night sky and goes from me.

It is unlike anything I have yet known, so gentle, and undemanding, but it fills my soul with such completeness it is though I have been waiting for just this thing all the days of my life.

Perhaps I have.

We end, and she pulls back to study mine face. "Do you fear this?" Her voice is but a tiny whisper. "Do I hurt you with this?"

Her asking stills what flutters I have, and I let my trust forward, risking, but unable to forestall it. "No..I do not fear this." My hands claim her in wonder, fingers spread against the solid warmth of her flesh felt through her clothing, and I feel her move to meet my touch, and her hands find me in feather’s brush against my neck, and then my shoulders.

It is so different.. her touch trails fire that travels across my flesh and raises it in her passage, and as we let our lips meet once again, our bodies feel each other’s wanting in a gentle ache that surprises me greatly.

I had thought that taken from me. Never I thought so easily to feel the hunger that my body feels for her rise in me, a soft wave that wipes from me the memory of my darkest moment as though a pass of the water wipes clean the sand it travels over.

My knees are growing too weak to hold me, and I guide her back, and we tumble onto the bed entwined in each other, and I find my hands running over her, seeking each smooth curve and hollow, as hers does mine.

Her fingers find my belt, and that pressure eases as I feel the fire’s warmth in the air which touches my skin when she leaves behind my garment, and I see the candle glow burnish her as I strip her of her own.

She is so very gentle with me, I feel like I am a thing of spun glass in her hands, so careful are her touches, her strokes, that I loosen my worries and surrender to her utterly, trusting my heart into her hands as she takes me places I have never been.

And I, in turn, make free to explore her in knowing detail, delighting in her clean, strong lines, and the childlike, almost hesitant vulnerability as she withdraws her shields and gives to me her secrets, her trust, that being the greatest thing she holds tight to, and accordingly the most dire of things she can gift me with.

We end with our bodies contented, wanting no further this night when we both feel the length of a long day, and tangle ourselves together in happy embrace. I find her curled around me, her head pillowing upon my chest, and I run my fingers through her hair, damp with our movements as she makes noises as tiny, contented puppies do.

I feel the overwhelming tide of sleep pulling at me and bow to it, having seen a change in my life this night unlooked for, though if I am truthful with myself my heart should confess it had long foreseen it.

I feel… complete.. in the security of her arms and the safety of her love I have found peace. Where this will take us I know not, I know only we go as one, and not two alone, any longer.

Xena peered at Gabrielle’s face, which was faintly contorted in thought. "What..are you thinking about that generated *that* look?"

"Mmm…" The bard put the scroll down and half turned, cuddling into Xena’s chest with a very contented look. "Just wondering what a tiny puppy sounds like, that’s all."

The warrior gazed at her impassively for a long moment, then made a little, high pitched sigh, followed by bitty sucking noises, and ending with a soft grunt.

Her partner giggled. "Ooo.. that is kinda cute." She put her head down and rubbed Xena’s belly gently, then gave it a pat. "I really liked that one…it made me feel good to see them happy." She smiled. "We barely made a dent in that pile of scrolls.. they spent a long time together, didn’t they?"

Xena nodded thoughtfully. "Yes.. they did." She leaned her head against the bard’s. "I hope the pile of scrolls you leave is twice that size."

The bard gazed up at her. "I can tell all your stories, then?"

The warrior shook her head. "Only if you’re in all of them." She gave the bard a lopsided grin. "That’s the deal."

Gabrielle considered that, her head cocked to one side. "All right.. I can live with that." She poked Xena in the chest. "But you’re not allowed to have any adventures without me, then."

"All right." The warrior chuckled. "It’s a deal." She relaxed, and rubbed the bard's back. "Better get some sleep.. I want to leave early."

Gabrielle assumed a smirk. "You tell me this? I'm the one who's had to drag you out of bed in the morning lately, partner. " She tugged the blankets up around them and settled down with a contented sigh, slipping a hand inside her partner's shirt and letting her fingers drift, tracing out familiar scars and contours. 'Xena?"

"Mmm?" The warrior mumbled, as she nibbled lazily on the bard's exposed ear.

"If… " She paused, as Xena gently bit down on her earlobe, and she lost track of her thoughts momentarily. "Uh… what I was saying was.. if we have a boy…"

"Hope he has your personality…" Came the throaty chuckle. "Boy with Toris or my personality's just gonna be trouble."

"Uhm… well.. " The bard got sidetracked again by a purposeful expedition across her collarbone. "Yeah.. but if … hey.. you're not trouble."

Xena stopped what she was doing, and leaned over her partner, staring down with two raised eyebrows.

"Well… ok.. I guess I see your point." The bard grinned, taking the opportunity to get her partner's shirt open. "But what I meant was.. if we do, is it ok with you to name him Lyceus?"

Xena let her forehead rest against Gabrielle's and sighed softly. "You have no idea how much I wanted to name Solon that." She opened her eyes and gazed directly into the bard's green ones. "It was too closely linked to me."

Gabrielle kissed her nose. "So.. is that a yes?"

"I was gonna say.. don't name your babies before they hatch.. but… " Xena sighed happily. "If that's what you want, sure.. I'd love it."

"Good." The bard kissed her, this time on the lips. "I have to think about a girl's name."

"Mmm… we could name her after you… that would make…. " Xena thought. "Three namesakes?"

Gabrielle paused, her brow scrunching. "Three?"

Xena nodded. "Yeah… Eph's kid… Pandora's kid… and… " She paused, remembering. "A little girl out in a small village somewhere near Jessan's territory.. she'd be.. oh… five or six now I guess."

The bard started a slow, gentle exploration. "Oohhh… when Wennid saw you." She nuzzled soft skin.

"Umm… " Xena blinked, then took a sharp breath. "Yeah.. yeah.. uh.. yeah. When you.. went home." She let her hands slide over her partner's body. "Only one that survived that.. nice little kid."

"Mmm.. am I a nice kid?" Gabrielle inquired, nipping lightly.

"Very nice." Xena gasped. "Whoa…"

"Heh." The bard chortled softly. "Gotcha."

*********************************************************

Xena finished arranging her saddlebags on the chestnut mare she was borrowing from Toris, and patted the animal on the shoulder. "Good girl."

The mare looked at her, mildly interested.

The warrior sighed. "Ok..ok.. not a conversationalist, huh?"

Silence.

"Got it." Xena adjusted a strap, and shook her head, moving over to the next stall to give Argo a farewell hug. "We won't be gone long girl.. I promise. " She let her hands slide over the mare's body. "Gods.. look at how big you're getting… " She pressed a gentle fist against a swollen flank, and felt movement inside. "Hey… feel that kick…"

The mare arched her head around, and butted her in the side, snorting softly.

"Yeah.. I know.. I'll be back for that.. don't you worry. " She gave Argo an affectionate squeeze around the neck. "You take care of yourself, ok? Don't let mom give you too many carrots."

Another snort. Xena laughed, and gave her one last pat, then unlocked the other stall door, and led the chestnut outside, where Gabrielle was loitering, chatting with Toris and Granella. "We ready?" The warrior inquired.

"Yep… " Gabrielle confirmed, straightening the clasp on her cloak, and hefting her staff. "Ready."

Xena handed her the reins. "Hang on to this for a minute." She ducked in the back door to the inn, and pushed open the kitchen door. "Mother?"

Cyrene poked her head out from the storage room. "You leaving?" She came out, wiping her hands on a cloth and crossed to her daughter, enfolding her in a big hug. "When can we expect to see you back?"

Xena hesitated, then gave an unseen grin over her mother's shoulder. "Probably sooner than you think." She admitted quietly.

Cyrene released her, and held her at arms distance. "You two coming right back here? Is that what that means?"

The warrior dropped her gaze, and gave a little shrug. "I… yeah. That's what that means."

The innkeeper beamed. "Scamp.. why didn't you say something before now?"

Xena smiled at her. "Well.. we just talked about it last night.. I guess we both kind of.. I.. um… it's been nice to have a stable place for a change.. and uh.. well, Gabrielle… she's kinda.. she um.. she wants to have.. um.. a child." There. It was out. Damn, if that wasn't hard.

Cyrene's jaw dropped. "Oh!" Then she studied Xena very closely. "Honey? Listen.. I know.. better than most people do.. that you have many skills, dear.. but.. um… "

"Ah.. yes.. well, I know - but that's one little skill my brother's consented to lend out." Xena managed to keep a serious face on. "We.. do look alike."

Cyrene sat down on the edge of the table, and held up a hand. "Wait." She cleared her throat. "You are telling me that you're coming back here, and starting a family, using your brother as a stud service?"

Xena crossed her arms. "Um.. yeah."

Cyrene chewed her lip. "I like it." She gave Xena a pat on the side. "'I'll get those clucky women to start knitting booties." She let out a soft laugh, then stood and hugged her daughter again. "Take care of yourself, honey, ok?"

"I will." Xena hugged her back. "See you soon." She released her mother, then pushed the door open, and walked out, throwing her head back and gazing up at the bright morning sun. A quick trip, a problem solved.. and we'll be back here. I like that. She smiled at Gabrielle, and took the chestnut's reins from her, pulling herself up in the saddle. "Wanna lift?"

Gabrielle took the proffered arm, and allowed herself to be hauled up. "Ooof." She settled into place, and wrapped an arm around her partner's waist. "Go."

They started down the road, into the dry air, of a cool spring morning. "I told mom." Xena called back over her shoulder.

"Really?" Gabrielle didn't have to ask what she'd told her. "What'd she say.. was she shocked?"

Xena snorted. "My mother? No.. she's gonna have the gossip circle knit socks for us."

"Oh great." The bard rolled her eyes. "That'll give them something to talk about."

"We aim to please." Xena commented airily. "Right?"

"Right." Gabrielle answered, and tightened her hold, as the chestnut mare broke into a canter, taking them into the future.

That be the end, folks.. thanks for reading. There is a break in time between the end of this story, and the beginning of Darkness Falls, which does start after the "Rift" that went on in the series.