Entangled

By

Maria V. Ciletti

Entangled

© 2011 by Maria V. Ciletti

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

ISBN 13: 978-1-935216-33-9

First Printing: 2011

This Trade Paperback Is Published By

Intaglio Publications

Walker, LA USA

www.intagliopub.com

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Credits

Executive Editor: Tara Young

Cover design by Tiger Graphics

Dedication

To Rose, my partner, my spouse, and my super hero.

Acknowledgments

In memory of my mother, Donna Ciletti Infante. There are no words to describe how much I miss you.

To K.J. Satrum and Diana Prindle for their help with my research in Erie, Pa.

To Tara Young, thank you for your editing expertise

To Deb Weaver, attorney at law, for allowing me to interview her regarding the legal aspects of this story.

To Talia Hagler, reporter for Channel 21 news, for your input, as well.

Chapter One

At four o’clock in the morning, Hayden Crissman couldn’t fall back to sleep. She had the dream about her English teacher Miss Spencer again. She knew it was wrong, but in a way, it felt so right.

The box fan in the window of her attic bedroom barely made a difference as it circulated the thick humid air. She sat up in bed, and her thick caramel-colored hair cascaded over her shoulders as she hugged her knees to her chest, the damp sheets rumpled around her.

It was her last day at St. Mary’s High School. She would take her final exam in the morning, and for the first time in her life, she would be free. Free from homework, free from studying, free from getting up at the crack of dawn. Free for a few months anyway, until she started the nursing program in September at Mercyhurst College in western Pennsylvania. Hayden always wanted to go into nursing. “To help people.” She felt her best when she was able to do that.

Giving up on sleep, she stretched her long lean legs and got up and sat at her desk. Careful not to make too much noise and wake her mother, she switched on the gooseneck lamp and opened her geometry book. Tucked in between pages seventy-two and seventy-three was the card she bought at Walgreens for Miss Spencer.

Even though Hayden hadn’t been in Miss Spencer’s English class since she was a junior, Miss Spencer took the time to help Hayden fill out the paperwork and cut through the red tape involved to get her scholarship. Without it, Hayden would never be able to go to college. She was very thankful and wanted to show her appreciation.

Hayden glanced over what she wrote for the fifth time. It was simple, just a thank you for her help and encouragement. She closed the card and slipped it back in its envelope. She settled in and glanced over a few equations that might be on the final exam. Bored with the geometry, she closed the book, reached into the bottom desk drawer, and pulled out the worn red leather-bound notebook and began to write:

Dear Diary,

I had the dream again: The dream where Miss Spencer and I are walking on a beach and the sun is setting. The sky is ruby red, and I can feel the warm breeze on my skin. We walk out on a sandbar, and Miss Spencer reaches over and takes my hand. She turns toward me and looks into my eyes, then she leans in and kisses me. The kiss is soft and sweet, and I don’t want her to stop…and then I wake up. Why would I be having these dreams, dear diary? Does this mean I’m a lesbian? I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be a freak.

Hayden closed the notebook, folded her arms across it, and laid her head down. The dream about Miss Spencer disturbed her because it aroused feelings in her she didn’t understand. Why wasn’t she like all the other girls in her class who were boy crazy? Was it just general admiration or a schoolgirl crush that she felt? Wasn’t she too old for that? And anyway, why Miss Spencer? If she was going to have a crush on a teacher, wouldn’t it be on Mr. Gennero? All the girls, including her best friend, Calli Karra, drooled over Mr. Gennero. His dark Italian looks set many a schoolgirl’s heart aflame. But not Hayden’s. She had other feelings—feelings she thought separated her from everyone else—and those feelings were so frustrating that they kept her up some nights.

Although Hayden was shy, especially around boys, she did date boys. Well, a boy, if you count going to the spring formal with Jimmy Robson. The date ended badly when she pulled away from him as he tried to kiss her in the backseat of his dad’s Chevy Suburban. What was she supposed to do? His dad was right there in the front seat. It’s not that she didn’t like boys. They could be a lot of fun, like her friends Nick and Don. Nick, who sat in front of her in history class, could make her laugh until tears ran down her cheeks. Don was her lab partner in biology who would sneak in Payday candy bars and share with her. They were nice guys, and she felt comfortable with them, but that was all they were—friends. Anyway, her mom said she should concentrate more on her studies instead of her social life. Hayden thought she was afraid that what happened to her— getting pregnant too soon and having her chances of going to college ruined—might happen to Hayden.

Although Hayden didn’t date regularly, she didn’t consider herself a lonely person. Having Calli as her best friend, with her boy-crazy lifestyle, was all the social life Hayden could handle right now. Calli was a love ’em and leave ’em type girl. Even though she went on many dates, the relationships never lasted longer than a month or two.

*******

Hayden heard her mother’s alarm clock go off downstairs. She got up and made her bed, grabbed a clean uniform skirt and white blouse from her closet one last time, and headed down to the bathroom to take a shower. The smell of fresh-brewed coffee permeated the air.

“Good morning. How did you sleep, honey?” Hayden’s mother, Sara, asked.

“Okay, I guess.” Hayden rubbed her eyes with the heels of both hands. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as snippets of the dream flashed in Hayden’s head. She briefly closed her eyes tight, trying to block them out.

Her mother poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table. Long lashes swept across delicate pale cheekbones as she ran a hand through her short curly chestnut brown hair. “I can’t believe this is your last day of high school.”

“Me either.” Hayden opened a box of blueberry Pop-Tarts that were on the counter and removed the last one. She dropped the pastry into the toaster and poured herself a cup of coffee. She’d been drinking coffee for over a year now. Sometimes it was what she needed to stay awake during the boring geography and civics classes.

“When I finish work today, we’ll go over and pick up your new car,” her mother said.

Hayden smiled. “Great, Mom, thanks.” Hayden knew that “new car” meant older model used car. A silver 1999 Honda Civic hatchback to be specific. Since Hayden didn’t have any money to contribute to the cost of the car, she had little say in what her mother decided on. She had hoped for something cool like a Chevy Camaro or that car from the cute TV commercial with the hamsters, the neat-looking Kia Soul. But she knew her mom, and her mom was practical. Anyway, she was happy with Civic—it was a step up from what she had now, which was taking the bus everywhere. As she munched on her Pop-Tart and sipped her coffee, Hayden looked out the kitchen window and saw a thin orange line of light appear at the top of Chestnut Street. If she didn’t leave soon, she’d miss the bus.

“I gotta get going. Calli will be waiting at the bus stop. She gets all freaked out if I’m late.” Hayden kissed her mother on the cheek, grabbed her books, and headed toward the bus stop.

As she walked up Chestnut Street, her cotton parochial school blouse clung to her back. That June morning was one of the hottest she could remember for northeastern Ohio.

As Hayden walked down the street toward the bus stop, she turned around and looked at the place she called home. Hayden and Sara had lived in the two-story duplex with a saggy front porch since Hayden was in the second grade. During elementary school, Hayden had been a latchkey kid since her mom worked two jobs to keep a roof over their heads.

Sara Crissman worked as a cashier at the A&P during the day and cleaned offices in the Farmers National Bank Building downtown in the evenings. Sometimes she didn’t get home until seven or eight o’clock at night. During those times, Mr. Mahoney and his wife, Emma, made it a point to check on Hayden and make sure she had something to eat and was safe. Emma would bring over pasta and meatballs with tomato sauce and homemade peach or apple pie for dessert.

*******

Calli was waiting for Hayden when she reached the top of the hill. She stood up from the curb, her body tall and lithe, her spiky black hair glistening in the morning light.

“I was afraid you weren’t going to make it,” Calli said.

“I’m draggin’ this morning. Couldn’t sleep last night.”

“You can’t be worried about your final. You practically aced the two you took yesterday.”

“That’s not it. I don’t know…” Thankfully, the school bus arrived, sparing Hayden the need to explain further.

She and Calli boarded the bus, and Hayden smiled a hello to Mae the driver and the other St. Mary’s students who were scattered throughout the green leather seats. The doors squeaked closed, and Hayden lunged forward down the aisle as the bus resumed its route. Hayden took a seat near the back, and Calli sat across from her. Hayden watched out the window as the dilapidated buildings of her hometown went by.

So many stores were closed and buildings boarded up. Even the big Chevy dealer on the corner went out of business last year. This was the Rust Belt, the place where they made cars, but ever since they shut down the steel mills, not many businesses could survive here.

It would be a thirty-minute ride to school as usual, so maybe she could catch a nap on the bus. As the town rolled by, sleep didn’t come. Instead Hayden thought about her last day as a high school student and what the future had in store for her. Oh, there were things she would miss about St. Mary’s. She would miss her friends who were going far away to college. She would miss her library job, and she would miss some of her teachers, especially Miss Spencer. One thing she wouldn’t miss would be riding this bus every morning at the crack of dawn.

She was excited about going to pick up her car later. The week before, she and her mother went to Fast Eddie’s Miracle Motors, a seedy used car lot downtown, and bought a car so Hayden could drive herself to her summer job in Erie and to Mercyhurst College in the fall. She would be packing up the car the next morning, and she and Calli would go to Erie and start their summer jobs working in food service at Waldameer Park.

Hayden was also excited about the new job. Not necessarily because of the work she would be doing, but because for the first time, she would be out of Youngstown, out on her own and making her own money. She and Calli would leave Saturday morning to move into the two-bedroom cottage they were renting for the summer.

She thought for a moment about her high school years. She could have gone to the public school, but her mother felt Hayden would get a better education at a parochial school where the classes were smaller. It wasn’t easy to go to St. Mary’s. Hayden was in the tuition reduction program for students whose family couldn’t afford the full cost. Requirements included the student maintaining a 3.5 grade-point average and participating in a varsity sport or working after school.

To get the reduction, Hayden participated in the track program during the fall each year. She started out running the eight hundred- and fifteen hundred-meter races and eventually went on to run cross-country. During the offseason, she worked after school in the library.

For two hours each night after school, she reshelved the returned books. She would repair or recover any damaged books, dust the twenty rows of bookshelves, and run the sweeper. She liked having the library to herself. And she took pride in her work, just like her mother had taught her.

Sometimes when she finished in the library, she would change into her gym clothes and run a few laps around the outside track. Even though track season was over, Hayden liked to run. It helped to clear her head. She especially loved running when the seasons were changing. She marveled in the fall at seeing the leaves that were once a rich emerald green turn golden yellow or fiery red before falling to the ground. In the spring, pink buds would appear and explode with colors of purple and fuchsia. Usually, the track was deserted, but on occasion, other students and the more ambitious faculty would be running. One of the faculty members who used to run was Miss Spencer. Hayden’s heart would skip a beat as she’d watch Miss Spencer’s smooth, toned legs glisten with sweat as she passed Hayden on the track.

Abbey Spencer probably wasn’t an athlete in her college days. She seemed to put forth a great effort to stay in shape as she ran around the track. One of the few lay teachers at St. Mary’s, Miss Spencer played a big part in Hayden’s decision to go to college. Miss Spencer’s upbeat personality and positive outlook made her one of the most well-liked teachers at St. Mary’s. The fact that she was easy on the eyes didn’t hurt.  

Soon the bus pulled up to the front doors of St. Mary’s, breaking Hayden from her thoughts.

“I’ll catch you later, Hay. Good luck on your test.”

“You too. See you back here when you’re done.”

 Calli headed down the east hall toward the classroom where her English final would take place.

*******

Hayden’s footsteps echoed in the deserted halls of the west wing. Most of the seniors had finished with their exams earlier in the week. But Hayden took Geometry II so it would look good on her application for Mercyhurst, and Friday was the only day Sister Mary Kevin was giving her finals.

Hayden walked to her locker for the last time. The locker was empty except for a couple of number two pencils she would need for her tests. Hayden had already turned in most of her textbooks to the librarian, her former boss, Sister Mary Rose, or Sister Mary Shh, as Hayden’s classmates affectionately called her. The students at St. Mary’s had nicknames for all the nuns who taught there: Sister Mary Francis, who taught art, was Sister Mary Art Teacher; Sister Eugene, the assistant principal, was Sister Mary Detention; and Sister Mary Claire, the gym teacher, was known as Sister Mary Dodgeball.

With the sharpened pencils in hand, Hayden took a seat in Sister Mary Kevin’s—Sister Mary Protractor—classroom to take her geometry final. The bell rang. A few stragglers took their seats as Sister Mary Kevin passed out the exams. The smell of mimeograph fluid wafted up from the test paper. Hayden inhaled deeply. She loved this smell. She didn’t know why, but it felt comforting to her.

She finished her exam in forty-five minutes and turned in her test materials at the front of the room. Hayden’s senior year ended without incident as she walked down the empty hall, took the card she had for Miss Spencer out of her book, and put it in her purse. She then returned her geometry book to the library.

She walked down the hall to Miss Spencer’s classroom, but the room was empty. Hayden walked up and down the hall and walked over to the teacher’s lounge, but there was no sign of Miss Spencer. With a heavy heart, Hayden went outside the glass double doors with several other kids and waited for the bus that would take them home.

A few minutes later, Miss Spencer shouldered her way out through the same doors. She was carrying a cardboard box filled with books and had the straps from a brown leather book briefcase and her purse slung over her shoulder.

“Finished already, Hayden?” She stopped and adjusted the strap on her briefcase.

“Yes, Miss Spencer.” Miss Spencer had honey golden hair, which was pulled back into a neat ponytail, and a killer smile that made Hayden’s knees weak. She looked down at her shoes, finding it difficult to make eye contact with the attractive teacher. She should ask Miss Spencer if she needed help carrying her stuff, but Hayden was so tongue-tied, she could barely speak.

“Great. Well, have a nice summer. And best of luck to you at Mercyhurst. It’s a great school. I know you’ll do well there.” Miss Spencer smiled, and Hayden’s heart skipped a beat. The card, give her the card echoed in her mind. Hayden’s face flushed as she remembered her dream.

“Miss Spencer, I have something for you. It’s nothing special…I…uh…just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” Hayden pulled the card out of her purse and handed it to her.

Miss Spencer smiled. “Why, thank you, what a nice gesture.” Miss Spencer slid the card into her briefcase. “Thank you so much.”

Miss Spencer walked up to a white Mustang convertible, slid her key into the lock, and opened the door. She flipped up the red leather front seat and struggled with the awkward load of books, purse, and briefcase. She dropped her keys in the process, and when she bent down to pick them up, her skirt hiked up.

Butterflies stirred in Hayden’s belly as she watched Miss Spencer from a distance. Feeling guilty, she looked away.

“What are you doing?” Calli asked as she joined Hayden.

Hayden jumped. She turned away to hide her embarrassment. “Nothing. Waiting for the bus.” She tried to change the subject. “I really wish my mom would have let me drive to school. I feel like a little kid having to take the bus.”

“Yeah. Me too. Hey, what kind of car did your mom end up buying you anyway? Last time I talked to you, she was looking at that old Pontiac station wagon with the fake wood paneling that Eddie has up front on the lot. I hope that’s not what she settled on. That thing is a tank. I heard he drops cigarette butts into the radiator to stop it from leaking.” Calli reached into her purse and pulled out a pack of Juicy Fruit gum. She offered the open pack to Hayden. “Want one?”

Hayden took a piece of gum, unwrapped it, and folded it into her mouth. “A 1999 Honda Civic hatchback.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Calli asked, chomping on her gum.

“Nope.”

“That thing is almost as old as we are. Does it still run?”

“Apparently so. Eddie said it had at least another twenty thousand miles in it. Mom was pretty excited because she got a ninety-day warranty out of the deal. So at least it’ll get us up to Erie and through the summer.”

Hayden and Calli sat on one of the brick retaining walls that flanked the school entrance. The bus was late.

“You start packing yet?” Hayden asked.

Calli shook her head. “I’m not sure what to bring. Aren’t they going to give us uniforms to work in?”

“Yeah, I guess so. We have to be at the park Monday morning for orientation. So with graduation being Saturday morning, that only gives us a little more than a day to move in and get settled. Did you decide if you’re going to graduation?”

“Mom’s making me go. She said she didn’t pay all that money to not see me walk across the stage at Powers Auditorium.”

“My mom called off work to be there, so I have to go, too. Anyway, it won’t be so bad. Look at it as one final party before we leave this place.”

As Hayden and Calli waited for the bus, they watched Miss Spencer pull out of the teachers’ parking lot with the convertible top down. They waved as she drove by. The car’s tires screeched as Miss Spencer turned the corner and onto the main street.

“Now that’s a cool car,” Calli said.

“Yep. Really cool.” But Hayden was thinking about something else.

Chapter Two

Abbey got behind the wheel of her Mustang convertible and practically peeled out of the school parking lot. Now that the year was over, she was free from playing the respectable teacher and planned to let her hair down and let loose.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy her job teaching English to high schoolers. It was a challenge, especially for someone new. Even with recent changes in the government, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was alive and well in the parochial school system. Being found out was the one fatal flaw every gay teacher knew could never be forgiven. That’s why Abbey was always hyper vigilant when she was alone with a student to have the classroom door open or be in a common area where her actions were easily seen. She worked too hard to get her teaching degree and felt lucky to have her job at St. Mary’s. It took a lot of work to hold up the squeaky clean image of a schoolteacher, and sometimes it took a lot out of her.

“Free at last,” she said as she headed toward the small house she rented through the school year. She pulled her cell phone from her purse and punched in Ann’s number. The warm June breeze ruffled her honey blond hair all about her face as she waited for Ann to pick up. This time the next day, she would be back in Presque Isle, sharing the beach house she rented every summer with Ann, the love of her life.

This past winter had been rough on their relationship. She wanted this summer to be romantic and an opportunity to get reacquainted with Ann—to reclaim the ardent passion they once shared.

After about seven rings, the call went to voice mail. Disappointment pinged in Abbey’s heart. That’s okay. She’s probably busy with last-minute meetings. I’m sure many loose ends need tying up before summer break.

Abbey snapped the phone closed, turned up the radio, and sang along with Taylor Swift. She pulled into the driveway of the rental house and struggled up the front walk as she juggled her purse, briefcase, and the last load of books from her classroom. When she opened the front door, the scent of Pine-Sol lingered in the air from her cleaning marathon the previous night. She wanted the place to be in good shape so the landlord Mr. Mahoney wouldn’t have much to do if he got renters during the summer.

 Abbey kicked off her high heels in the doorway of her kitchen, then dumped the load she was carrying on the wooden dinette table. She walked over to check the answering machine on the counter. No new messages.

She tried Ann’s cell again. This time, she picked up.

“Hello?” Ann’s voice was clipped.

“Hi, it’s me. I’m all done. All I have to do is finish packing and turn the keys into Mr. Mahoney. I can’t wait to see you.”

There was a silence at the other end of the line.

“Hello, Ann? Are you there?”

“Yes, I’m here.” Ann coughed nervously into the receiver. “I’m glad you’re all done…listen, can I call you back? There’s someone in my office, and I can’t talk now,” Ann whispered.

“Sure,” Abbey said. “Okay, I’ll…” Click. “…be leaving around…four o’clock.” Abbey closed her eyes, trying to block out the ominous feeling that seemed to come over her any time she spoke to Ann lately.

Finally, she flipped the phone closed and tossed it onto the table. She sat with her forehead in her hands. Although she loved Ann very much, sometimes she had a way of making her feel so insignificant. Yes, Ann’s professional life was important to her. After all, she was a trusted scholar, and Abbey knew what that status meant to Ann. But some days were harder than others to be gracious about it.

Abbey poured herself a glass of wine and headed to the bedroom to pack. She pulled the hard-shell Samsonite suitcase down from the closet shelf. She wanted nothing more than to be excited about having some time off that she and Ann could spend together and work on putting their relationship back on track, but it was getting harder and harder to ignore the tug inside her that warned her not to get her hopes too high.

*******

Abbey Spencer graduated two years earlier from Mercyhurst College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in secondary education. The oldest of four daughters, she was the first girl from her Irish Catholic family to attend college. Abbey studied hard and fought for every A and B she got. In high school, she had developed a love for literature, and more than anything, she wanted to become an author someday. Her common sense told her she would need a backup plan because it was difficult to make a living as a writer. After all, she was no Stephen King. So she majored in secondary education.

During her freshman year, she met Ann White. Ann was an intelligent and charismatic woman. The moment Abbey laid eyes on her, she knew Ann was the one. The only problem was that Ann was her English professor.

Abbey’s heart would flutter every time she saw Ann standing at the lectern in her tight tweed skirt, matching jacket, and black pumps. Abbey was mesmerized as Ann strolled up and down the aisle, lecturing on Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina.

Ann White was well known for her tough teaching techniques and athletic ability—she had run the Boston Marathon twice and ran in several local charitable events—but there was a mysterious side to her that piqued Abbey’s curiosity. It had been rumored that some of Ann’s teaching assistants were more than assistants. The fact that they were all girls really piqued Abbey’s curiosity.

Ann and Abbey’s relationship began on the track. Abbey, in an attempt to stave off the “freshman fifteen,” the weight gain that plagued many a freshman girl, took up running after her last class of the day. On those runs, Abbey noticed her professor also enjoyed an afternoon run, calf muscles straining in her flawless stride, sweat glistening in the warm sun.

Abbey made it a point to be at the track the same time as Ann. She tried as hard as she could to keep pace with Ann, which was no easy feat. Occasionally, Ann would smile a note of recognition as she passed Abbey but nothing more. Abbey was sure Ann never gave her presence a second thought. She was just another face in the sea of freshmen in one of her Intro to Literature classes.

After each run, Abbey, sweaty and wheezing, would duck into the student locker room to shower and change while Ann jogged off to her private office, face all aglow, barely out of breath. Abbey pressed her forehead against the cool tile of the shower stall as the warm water soothed her sore muscles. She couldn’t suppress the fantasies of Ann that ran through her mind whenever she was around her.

But then things changed. One afternoon on an exceptionally warm April day, Abbey was trying out a new pair of running shoes. She made it around the track once without a problem, but during the second lap, something kept rubbing and caused a burning pain over her Achilles tendon. Trying to work out the rub, she wasn’t paying attention to where she was going and stepped in a divot. She twisted her ankle, lost her footing, and fell practically face first onto the cinder track.

Suddenly, Ann appeared by Abbey’s side. She was bent over at the waist with both hands on her lean, muscular thighs. Abbey looked up and could see straight down Ann’s polyester tank top. Her small firm breasts were nestled snuggly into a white cotton bra.

Abbey’s skin tingled, and she quickly looked away. Ann was so close; Abbey could smell the erotic scent of sweat on her skin.

“That was quite a tumble you took. Are you okay?” Ann’s words came out in short breaths.

“Yes, I’m fine. More embarrassed than anything.” Abbey shook the cinders from her hands and leaned forward to remove her shoe. Her ankle hurt and her foot burned. She slipped off the shoe and found a fifty-cent-piece-size bloodstain on her white athletic sock. Even through the sock, Abbey could see her ankle had swollen to twice its normal size. She tugged at her sock and uncovered a huge blood blister.

Ann crouched down in front of her. “Ouch, that looks painful. Does it hurt?”

“Yes, a little.” Abbey didn’t want to come off as a wimp in front of Ann, but the ankle hurt like hell.

Ann took Abbey’s foot into her hand and examined her ankle. It was tender to the touch. “I don’t think it’s broken…maybe just a sprain. Anyway, you should get some ice on it and bandage up that blister. Do you live in the dorm?”

“Yes, in Egan Hall.”

“That’s right behind my office in Preston Hall. I have a first-aid kit in there. Do you think you can walk that far?”

Abbey nodded. Her heart pounded, and she could feel an unwelcome blush creep into her cheeks. She didn’t know whether it was from embarrassment or the attraction she felt for Ann.

Ann held Abbey’s blood-stained sock in one hand and extended her other hand to Abbey and helped her to her feet.

Abbey stood, feeling a little unsteady and light-headed.

“Whoa. Easy does it.” Ann caught Abbey around her waist. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Just a little wobbly, I guess.”

Ann wrapped her arm around Abbey’s waist as Abbey hobbled on the tender ankle to Ann’s office. Once in Ann’s office, Abbey sat in a red leather chair while Ann disappeared into her private bathroom and returned with a roll of gauze, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, and two four-by-four gauze pads.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to get an ice pack from the nurse’s office.”

“Okay.” After Ann left, Abbey glanced around her office. A large mahogany desk cluttered with what Abbey assumed to be student term papers sat in the middle of the room, with a red leather desk chair tucked behind it. Behind the desk were bookshelves lined with rows and rows of leather-bound books. Pictures on the wall displayed Ann in running gear, crossing the finish line at the Boston Marathon, and posing with ribbon-laced medals around her neck. Another one of Ann, arms outstretched over her head, showed her crossing the finish line for the New York Marathon. No picture of a husband or kids or a girlfriend was anywhere to be found. Abbey’s heart lightened.

Ann returned with the ice pack and knelt in front of Abbey. She gently lifted Abbey’s foot and rested it in her lap. Abbey sat motionless. Ann looked up and their gazes met. Ann’s sapphire blue eyes were gentle and contemplative. It was easy for Abbey to get lost in them.

Suddenly, Abbey jumped as Ann dabbed at the blister with a gauze pad soaked in peroxide.

“Sorry.” Ann placed her hand on Abbey’s knee. “I know it stings.”

“It’s just cold. That’s all.” Abbey felt a flush of heat color her skin again.

Abbey pulled herself together. She would be even more embarrassed if Ann knew what was going through her head.

Ann finished bandaging Abbey’s ankle and laid the ice pack on it. “You should probably keep that elevated for the rest of the day and keep the ice on for twenty minutes and off for twenty minutes until tomorrow. I’ll call someone from student escort to take you back to your dorm. Is that all right with you?”

“Sure. That’ll be fine. I can’t thank you enough for taking care of me. I really do appreciate it.”

“No problem. I’ve suffered enough running injuries myself to know a little about how to take care of them. You should be as good as new in a couple of days. You really should stay off that ankle for a day or two.”

“Does that mean I can have an extension on my term paper for English Lit?”

Ann smiled as she stood. “Nice try. But no. There doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with your writing hand. I think this downtime would be a great opportunity to get your research done.”

Abbey met Ann’s gaze. At that moment, she realized she wanted to kiss Ann, but she couldn’t because one, Ann was her teacher, and two, Ann would probably call security if Abbey made a pass at her. Awkwardly, Abbey cleared her throat. “You can’t blame me for trying.”

Ann smiled. “No, I guess not.”

Abbey stuffed her dirty sock into her back pocket and gingerly slid her athletic shoe on. A few minutes later, a student worker from the escort service appeared in the doorway of Ann’s office. “I’m here to transport a student to Egan.”

“That would be me,” Abbey said as she struggled to her feet.

“I have the golf cart waiting out front. Do you think you can make it that far?”

Ann wrapped her arm around Abbey’s waist. “I’ll help you.” She and the escort practically carried Abbey out of the office and helped her get into the golf cart that took her to her dorm. The resident assistant helped Abbey into the elevator and up to her second-floor room.

Once in her room, Abbey lay on her bed and couldn’t stop thinking about Ann and how being so close to her made her heart skip a beat. Pleasure and guilt crashed into each other when she thought about this. Why can’t you just tell someone how you feel about them and let things grow from there? Why is guilt always attached to love, especially when it comes to my love life? Abbey drifted off to sleep with no answers.

*******

After her blister and ankle sprain healed, Abbey continued her daily runs. She worked hard to build up her endurance to keep up with Ann on the track, which wasn’t easy but was starting to pay off. Not only did Ann notice Abbey’s progress, but by the end of the second semester, Ann regularly invited Abbey to join her in her office after their run.

Things started off innocently enough with casual conversation as Ann told Abbey stories of running in Boston and the camaraderie everyone felt at that amazing event, but as time went on, the visits became more intimate. One afternoon after their run, Abbey was admiring a photograph on the shelf behind Ann’s desk of Ann in a vineyard in Tuscany. Ann, who had just returned from showering and changing, came up behind Abbey. Ann was so close, the sensation of her warm breath on her neck sent shivers through Abbey’s body. “Tuscany is a beautiful place. You should really go there someday,” Ann whispered.

Abbey turned to face her, and a delicious shudder heated her body. Abbey’s heart fluttered wildly beneath her breast. Abbey closed her eyes as Ann took her into her arms and pressed Abbey against the mahogany desk.

“I...uh...” Abbey’s words were muffled by Ann’s soft, gentle kiss. Their kisses became more fervent. Ann’s hands slipped under Abbey’s mesh tank top and gently skimmed over Abbey’s cotton bra, brushing the tops of Abbey’s breasts with the tips of her fingers. Abbey moaned into Ann’s mouth, which seemed to fuel Ann’s passion even more. Ann lifted the mesh shirt over Abbey’s head. She reached around Abbey’s back and unhooked her bra with one hand, letting the straps fall down Abbey’s arms. Ann gazed at Abbey. “You are so beautiful.”

Abbey felt her face flush with desire. She looked down, suddenly feeling awkward, timid, and unable to meet Ann’s gaze. “I’ve never done anything like this,” she said in a soft and low voice. “I’m not sure I know what to do.”

Ann pulled Abbey close and kissed her again. The kiss was slow and sweet, and Abbey could feel its effects from her head to her toes. After the kiss, Ann stepped back and admired Abbey’s beauty.

Abbey’s skin felt hot as Ann gazed at her. Her exposed nipples hardened, and Abbey tried to cover herself with her arms. Ann gently touched her arm. “Don’t hide yourself. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re beautiful.”

Abbey lowered her arms. As she did, Ann leaned down and lovingly kissed Abbey’s breasts.

Fireworks went off in Abbey’s brain, as well as another part of her body. Her legs felt weak. She scooted backward and sat on top of Ann’s desk. She laid her head back and reveled in the glorious sensations she felt throughout her body. This was like nothing she had ever felt before.

Now lost in the sensations of lust, Abbey reached for Ann and slowly unbuttoned her crisp oxford shirt. She pushed the fabric aside, and her breath caught in her throat. Never had she been this close to another woman, especially in this way.

A wave of guilt passed over her, and Abbey looked away. Ann leaned forward and kissed Abbey on the forehead. “It’s okay to touch me. I won’t break.”

Abbey reached out and ran her hands gently over the tops of Ann’s small firm breasts. Feeling braver, Abbey slipped her fingers under the silky fabric of Ann’s satin bra. A soft moan slipped from Ann’s lips as Abbey’s cool fingers brushed her taut nipples, fueling the fire that burned beneath Abbey’s skin. Ann’s mouth covered Abbey’s hungrily. Her kisses sent spirals of ecstasy through Abbey’s body. Abbey was shocked at her own eager response to Ann’s kisses.

Ann’s hands gently traced down Abbey’s shoulders and arms. Ann’s body trembled as she took Abbey’s hand and slid it down the front of her slacks. “See what you do to me,” she whispered into Abbey’s ear.

Abbey almost fainted as she felt the soft, warm wetness of Ann’s desire.

Ann gently laid Abbey down on the desk where they made love until the golden rays of first morning light came through Ann’s office windows.

Abbey would never forget that night. Or the many nights after that, where she and Ann would steal away and spend precious time alone together. Abbey knew what they were doing was wrong, but it felt so right.

 Abbey truly admired Ann and felt privileged to have her attention. And the fact that Ann picked her over everyone else sent Abbey over the moon. It made her feel so alive being next to Ann in the classroom and thinking about how a few hours earlier she had had sex with her in her office or woken up in her arms that morning. Those thoughts never ceased to thrill her.

Ann, however, made it clear to Abbey that, because of the nature of their relationship, no one could ever find out about them, and Abbey agreed. Abbey would agree to just about anything right then. As long as she could be with Ann, nothing else mattered. Abbey wanted to tell the world that she was in love, but in her heart, she knew what damage it might do to Ann’s career.

In spite of the secrecy, their relationship survived and thrived the four years Abbey spent at Mercyhurst. During her junior and senior years, Abbey signed on as Ann’s teaching assistant, so to the outside world, their being together looked even more legitimate. No one thought anything of it when Abbey graduated magna cum laude and Ann surprised her with a two-week trip to Italy as a graduation present.

*******

The trip to Italy was exquisite. Italy was the most romantic place Abbey had ever been. From their arrival in Lake Como, all through Milan, Venice, and Tuscany, they made love in every inn, chateau, and bungalow they stayed in. Something about the warm summer breeze blowing in the open windows across their bare skin was so sensual, so erotic. Their love for each other seemed to grow stronger with every city they visited.

After the trip, Abbey applied to multiple high schools in the Erie area, but teaching jobs were scarce. Then on a tip from her college roommate, she applied to St. Mary’s over the state line in Ohio and got a full-time position in the English Department.

“Are you sure you want to do this? Youngstown seems so far away,” Ann asked one night over eggplant parmesan at Serafini’s, their favorite restaurant.

“I don’t think I have much choice. None of the schools in Erie is hiring.”

“It’s still a long way to go for a job, especially for what they’re paying you. How can that diocese get away with paying their teachers so little?”

Abbey shrugged matter-of-factly. “It’s a small Catholic school. And for me, it has nothing to do with the money. I’m looking at it as a way to get experience. It’s better than not working at all, don’t you think?”

“Sure it is, but it still seems a long way to go. Almost all of your salary will go toward living and travel expenses.” Ann took another bite of eggplant and sipped her wine. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s worth the trouble.”

Abbey twisted the napkin that lay in her lap. “I really want to do this. It means a lot to me to have a job. I feel guilty that you’ve supported me practically all through school, and I want to contribute to our life together. Anyway, I’ll be home every weekend and the holidays. It’s only temporary. I’ll keep my options open for the next school year. I think we can make this work, don’t you?”

Ann wiped her mouth with the red linen napkin and set it beside her half-eaten dinner. “I guess so.”

*******

As Abbey packed her summer clothes for the week at Presque Isle, she remembered that one of her students had given her a card when she left school. Abbey reached into her briefcase and pulled out the card from Hayden Crissman. It surprised her that any of her students would take the time to write a card. Her experience with teenagers was that they were usually self-centered. Abbey sliced open the envelope with her fingernail and opened the card. She smiled as she read the inscription. Thank you for everything you have done for me. My going to college would never have happened without your help and encouragement. Sincerely, Hayden.

Abbey had helped Hayden like she did many of her students. Coming from a large family with little money, Abbey knew how important any opportunity for scholarship money was, especially to kids like Hayden who came from one-parent homes.

Hayden had wanted to go into nursing, and Mercyhurst had one of the best programs. Abbey knew in her heart that Hayden would do well. Of all her students, the fact that Hayden sent her a thank you card didn’t surprise her. Hayden was a thoughtful girl. Although she was quiet and kept to herself a lot of the time, she was smart and seemed mature beyond her years. Abbey noticed that Hayden never seemed to get sucked into the cliques or petty arguments most girls got into. Hayden always seemed happy and even-keeled. Abbey wished she had more students like her.

St. Mary’s was a small school, and Abbey liked that she was one of only five lay teachers. She was no stranger to Catholic schools; she had spent the last seventeen years in them. She truly cared about her students and was friendly with them, but she was careful to keep it on a professional level. She kept to herself, knowing there was no way she could let on about her lifestyle, especially in a parochial school.

Abbey slid the card back into her briefcase and continued packing. She kept going over and over in her head how much Ann seemed preoccupied with work more than usual. She was on track to receive tenure that year and had a chance to become head of the English Department. Ann spent more time at school, leaving Abbey alone on the weekends when they normally would be together. Abbey assumed that Ann’s distance was because of work.

Abbey was hopeful and believed that she and Ann could survive any bumps in the road to keep their relationship intact. At least that was true up until Christmas vacation the year before when she caught Ann in a compromising situation with someone else. And that someone else was a man.

Chapter Three

Ann White was miserable. Nothing in her life seemed to be going right. She had been unhappy for a long time, and the most recent turn of events didn’t seem to be helping matters. Abbey would be home soon, and she didn’t know if that was good or bad. Since Christmas, things had been pretty prickly between them.

She agreed to rent the beach house with Abbey as a way to mend what happened over Christmas vacation, but in her heart, Ann knew it would take more than a week at the beach to put back together what she tore apart. If Abbey hadn’t taken that teaching job so far away, none of this would have happened. That would be the easy way out, to blame Abbey for this. But Ann knew in her heart that none of this was Abbey’s fault; it was all hers.

No one was more surprised than Ann when she realized her relationship with Jackson Price, the dean of the English Department, was much more than professional. That night in Jackson’s office seemed surreal to Ann. She went there with him only out of curiosity.

She was curious, having never been with a man before, in any sense of the word, and was positive she would be able to stop if things went too far. But when Jack held her in his arms, she felt so safe. She was intrigued by the hardness of his muscular body and the way he treated her, like she was something precious, and when he pulled her close and kissed her, she felt as if a part of her had awakened. She felt like some magical thing had taken over her body.

She didn’t protest when his hands sought the buttons of her blouse, unbuttoning them one by one. She closed her eyes when he slid the cotton shirt off her shoulders and let it pool at her waist. His strong hands moved magically over the soft mounds of her breasts, and when she realized that things had gone further than she ever intended, she was powerless to stop.

But when Abbey walked in and found them together, reality kicked in fast. Seeing the expression of horror on Abbey’s face felt like a knife wound to her heart. Oh, my God, what have I done? Ann admonished herself as she clutched her shirt to her chest and ran down the hall after Abbey.

Once Ann caught up to Abbey, she did her best to explain what happened—that she was fond of Jackson and that she was “curious” and what Abbey saw had “just happened.” But she could tell that Abbey wasn’t buying any of it. Her only recourse was to come clean and promise that it would never happen again. She promised Abbey that she wouldn’t see Jackson unless it was work related. But some things were easier said than done.

*******

When Abbey called the day before, Jackson was in her office. Even though they were going over their strategy to get the board to agree to accept Ann’s application for tenure, something more lingered between them.

Now here she was on a Saturday in yet another one of these stuffy meetings where everyone seemed to be playing kiss-ass to advance their careers. Unfortunately, she was the one who needed to kiss up to the board as that afternoon’s meeting was in regard to her tenure. She hated feeling this way, so out of control.

All she could think about was the conflict between her relationship with Abbey and her relationship with Jackson. Ann was afraid that if the board found out she was a lesbian, her chances for tenure would be destroyed. But if the board discovered that she and Jack were dating, that would dispel those rumors and maybe increase her chances. The thought that dating her boss might be a deterrent apparently never entered Ann’s mind.

Ann looked over at Jack as he stood at the podium boasting to the department chair what an asset Ann had been to the university. Almost as if he could read her mind, Jack glanced in Ann’s direction and smiled, which sent a tingling sensation to her stomach. She forced a demure smile at Jack as he continued with his speech. She knew he hated these meetings, too, but they were a necessary evil. She also knew after the meeting, no matter the outcome, Jack would ask her to come to his office or out for coffee, hoping it would lead to other things.

Ann knew Jackson didn’t understand why she got so upset that night when Abbey walked in on them. Jack didn’t know who the woman was and thought the whole thing was funny. He told Ann it was just his luck that the only time they had a moment of intimacy, some secretary barged in on them.

Yes, Ann was sure he thought she overreacted, but he knew Ann was a private person, and she blamed her reaction on that. What he didn’t know was the depth of her and Abbey’s relationship, and she couldn’t take the chance and tell him.

Ann tapped her pen on her notebook. Her head throbbed with each tap. How did things get so messed up, she thought as Jack stepped down from the podium and took his seat next to her. She gave him another polite smile and looked down at her notebook. The page in front of her was blank, and she wished she could have a blank page in her life to start all over again. Because she was sure there were a few things she would have done differently.

Ann had been at Mercyhurst for eight years. The usual time it took for a professor to acquire tenure was four years, but each year, Ann was passed over with no reasonable explanation.

“I can’t understand it,” Ann would complain to Abbey over the phone during their marathon calls. “I have a good rapport with my students, my pass-to-fail ratio is high. What could be holding me back?”

“It’ll happen. I guess you just have to play their game. You know everyone goes through this. Between the politics and the different personalities you have to deal with, yes, it’s tough, but I’m sure the big-wigs will see what an asset you’ve been to the school and have no choice but to give you tenure.”

Abbey was Ann’s best cheerleader. No matter how bleak things looked at school, Abbey was there to cheer her up. That was one of the things she loved about Abbey. Another thing she loved about her was that Abbey was always…Abbey. Tried and true, Ann knew she could count on her no matter how bad things got.

Although Ann liked playing games when it involved other people, she hated the games she had to play to keep her job. She didn’t have time to jump through unnecessary hoops to prove she was worthy. Her record should show that, shouldn’t it?

Most universities and colleges specified what a faculty member must do to achieve tenure. Depending on their missions, the decision could be made based on how many articles the member had written, the status of presentations she made at professional conferences; student evaluations; contributions to university committees and governance; and so forth.

Even if a faculty member jumped through all the political hoops, at any point in the process, she could be derailed for a political or personal reason. From a tenure point of view, Ann was at a now-or-never crossroads in her career.

Into this crossroads walked Jackson Price, the new head of the English Department. He seemed to like Ann. Actually, he seemed to like Ann more than she would admit to. Because of this, Ann had a lot of hope for achieving her goal this time around.

Eight years her senior, Jack had come to Mercyhurst in the fall from a small New England town where he had lived with his wife and two sons. He had a sinewy build and classically handsome features that were softened by laugh lines about his mouth and eyes. Jack was a runner, too. He ran the Boston Marathon six times. He also liked to travel to exotic places like Fiji, Australia, and China—at least until his sons were born.

Ann and Jack worked on a couple of projects over the past few months. Ann, usually the one in control, liked the way Jack took charge and didn’t take any crap from the other department heads. She was amazed at how easily Jack got people to agree with him just by being straightforward and honest.

As Ann saw it, as their friendship grew, her chances for tenure grew, and Jack was her ticket to a more secure future at Mercyhurst. She was certain that he would put in a good word for her to the university president. After all, she had paid her dues. She’d published ten articles for the journals and had given several professional presentations in her field of expertise at neighboring universities. She deserved this.

What Ann didn’t see was the more time she spent with Jack, the more she liked him. He was kind and generous and had a great sense of humor. Other than the fact that Ann was a lesbian and Jackson was straight and married, they had a lot in common.

*******

One night after another grueling department meeting, Jack asked Ann to join him for a drink at the Irish pub down the street from school. Ann was tired but agreed. After three scotch and sodas, the two of them sat in the dark mahogany and worn red leather booths, their heads close together, appearing to be more on a date than two colleagues after a dull departmental meeting. Suddenly, the conversation went from school business to personal. Ann was taken aback when Jack confided in her that his marriage was on the rocks.

“Roseanne and I were married for twelve years, but she says she wants a divorce because she’s not happy here in Erie.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I would have never guessed that you were going through such personal turmoil.”

Jack looked up at Ann and smiled. He picked up his half-empty glass of Glenlivet, swirled the ice cubes around, and tossed back the remaining scotch. “She said she fell out of love with me. Can you believe that?” Jack chuckled. “Not that I’m a great catch or anything. I know I have my faults, but you’d think after twelve years, you would love someone enough to go through anything with them.”

“You would think.”

“And that’s not the hard part.”

“Oh?”

“I just found out that she’s taking our two sons and moving back to Stockbridge. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t see my boys every day.”

“Jack, that’s terrible. I had no idea what you’ve been going through I’m so sorry.”

Jack looked down into his empty glass. “How do you just fall out of love with someone?”

“I don’t know,” Ann said softly as she stared at the cocktail napkin she had been fraying the edges of. “I guess people change over time. Sometimes what people think they want turns out wasn’t what they wanted after all.”

 Jack took one last swig of his scotch. “Hey, I don’t need to be boring you with the gory details of my failed marriage.”

Ann reached across the table and touched Jack’s sleeve. “You’re not boring me. It’s okay to talk about it. Sometimes talking about it gives you a better perspective.”

Ann was touched by the emotion she saw in Jack’s eyes. She, of course, kept her emotions and the details of her personal life close to the vest. As far as Jack knew, she was a single woman, too involved in her career to have a love life. That was the way Ann wanted it. She felt bad for the guy. There was something about what he was going through that rang true with her. There was something else there, too. Ann liked the chase and the excitement of a forbidden relationship. Being with Jackson seemed to awaken that excitement.

Although Ann loved Abbey, there had been something missing for quite some time. The fiery passion that was the main staple of their relationship had long since died out, but wasn’t that what happened in long-term relationships? In her previous relationships, that was what kept things going for her. Ann craved excitement. She liked the way it made her feel alive. That feeling was back again, but not with Abbey.

*******

 Ann and Jackson stayed at the bar that night until two in the morning. Jackson offered to walk Ann to her car and helped her on with her coat. As they were leaving, Ann remembered looking into Jackson’s brown eyes and thinking for a brief second that if she wasn’t a lesbian, she would find this guy attractive. She immediately shook off the thought and wished she could order another scotch.

This was the beginning of a relationship Ann never in her wildest dreams thought she would be involved in.

After that night, Jack and Ann seemed to find themselves together more and more. As summer faded into fall, Jackson’s wife, Roseanne, and their two sons, Andy, eight, and Jacob, six, remained in Stockbridge. Even after the couple’s therapy was finished, Roseanne couldn’t find any reason to return to Erie.

Because he hated going home to an empty house, Jack spent most of his time at the office. With Abbey ninety miles from home, Ann too was putting in extra hours, and their situation all but threw them together night after lonely night. It was becoming a common sight to see Jack and Ann together on and off campus. They shared dinner nearly every night during the week. And on the weekends, when Abbey was home, Ann caught herself thinking about Jack. She attributed it to their growing friendship. Camaraderie between two people who worked intensely together for a common cause.

And no one was more surprised than she was on that fateful snowy night two days before Christmas when Jack took Ann into his arms and kissed her. The more surprising thing was that Ann kissed him back, which led to other things, things that she and Jack continued to do, even though she promised Abbey she would never do them again.

*******

The meeting was finally coming to an end. Apparently, Jackson’s influence was what Ann needed as the review committee voted unanimously to grant her tenure. The department’s recommendation would be given to the university provost, and if everything was in order, they would instate Ann next week.

Ann played it cool until the other faculty members left the conference room. She slowly gathered her things as Jack walked the last of the board members to the conference room door. He finished his conversation with their colleagues, then closed the door behind him. Ann stood and turned toward him.

 “Jack, I don’t know how to thank you. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think the committee would even have accepted my application.”

Jack smiled wickedly and pulled her close. His lips were inches from hers. Ann’s pulse quickened. She was never more attracted to him than she was at this moment. She loved how Jack took control; that meant she didn’t have to. She liked being taken care of. It made her feel special.

She gave in to her attraction. Jack kissed her hard, pushing her against the conference room table. She could feel his excitement grow though the thin fabric of his trousers. Jack’s hands skimmed down her sides and rested on her hips. He slowly inched her skirt up, hiking it over her hips. Jack kissed her again, and Ann felt her insides warm. She let out a soft moan when she felt Jack’s hand slide underneath her skirt, between her legs. Jack smiled against her lips, kissing her hungrily, feeling the soft, warm wetness their passion produced.

Ann’s heart raced, and she felt dizzy with desire. It had been a long time since she felt this way with anyone. The feeling scared her, too. She wasn’t used to feeling so out of control.

  Jack tugged at her panties, but Ann grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“Jack, not here. What if someone comes in?”

Jack was breathing heavily. He looked like a little boy denied a special treat. “Ah, Ann, you’re killing me.”

They broke their embrace. Ann straightened her jacket and skirt. “Sorry, but it’s too risky.”

“So let’s go down to my office.”

Ann wanted to go with him but was brought back to reality when she noticed the time on the wall clock. She knew Abbey would be home soon, and she didn’t want to give her anything to be suspicious about.

“Can I take a rain check? I have an appointment I’ve gotta keep,” Ann lied.

 Jack looked at her and sighed. “I guess so.”

Ann kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’ll check in with you tomorrow. Maybe we can get away then.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Jack and Ann walked down the hall to the elevator bank. They passed several colleagues, two of whom went into the conference room they just left. Jack looked at Ann and smiled. “Close call.”

Ann’s face flushed. “Yep.”

They walked in silence until they reached the elevator bank.

“I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” Ann said as they waited for the elevator.

The elevator opened and the two stepped on.

“Glad I could help. You’re a good teacher, Ann. You deserve tenure. There’s no doubt about it.”

“Thank you so much.” Ann sighed and hugged Jack.

“You’re welcome.” Jack returned the hug and kissed Ann on the top of her head.

“Good thing these elevators don’t have security cameras,” Jack joked.

Their laughter turned to stone silence when the elevator doors slid open on the ground floor.

Chapter Four

Hayden had to pack and repack the Civic several times. Calli insisted on bringing an inflatable air mattress and other beach apparel.

“I don’t know when you’re planning on using this stuff,” Hayden said. “By the looks of our work schedule, we don’t have ten minutes to ourselves until after Labor Day.”

Even with the backseat folded down, there didn’t seem to be enough room for her and Calli’s things. Hayden heaved Calli’s Samsonite suitcase into the back of the Civic where it landed with a thud.

“My God, what have you got in this thing?” Hayden struggled with the suitcase, pushing and shoving it, and she still couldn’t close the hatchback.

“Just the essentials.”

“What essentials?” Hayden gritted her teeth and gave the suitcase another push.

“Jeans, shorts, halter tops, T-shirts, makeup, six pairs of shoes, a set of bath towels that my mother insisted on me packing, Paul Mitchell shampoo and conditioner, and my professional hair dryer.”

“We’re only going away for the summer,” Hayden said. “And it’s not like they don’t have stores in Erie. Last I heard, it was a pretty populated place.”

Hayden had packed half the stuff that Calli packed, and she would be staying on in Erie after the summer. Calli would be coming back home to work at the GE plant in Warren. Her grades weren’t good enough to get her into a school like Mercyhurst, and her parents couldn’t afford the expensive tuition, anyway.

After one last push, Hayden got the suitcase in and slammed the hatchback shut. The back end of the car sagged under the weight of the cargo the girls had loaded.

Hayden’s mother stood on the cement sidewalk, tears brimming in her eyes. “Hayden, you drive careful, you hear? And call me when you get in and settled.”

Hayden kissed her mother goodbye and slid into the driver’s seat of the Civic. She cranked the window down. “I’ll call, Mom. I love you.” With forty dollars in her pocket, an Elton John cassette in the tape player, and her best friend at her side, Hayden backed out of her driveway and headed into her new life.

Calli read the map while Hayden drove. Tiny Dancer played in the tape deck. “So what exit do we take after we get on Route 11?” Hayden asked.

Calli flipped the map around, unfolding and refolding it.

Hayden looked over at her. “You don’t know where we are, do you?”

“Just give me a minute.” Calli snapped her gum as she scanned the blue, red, and green lines that crisscrossed the map. “Wait. Here...here. Route 90...no, Route 50.” Calli swiveled the map around, scanning it up and down.

“I need to know soon. I don’t want to miss the turnoff.”

Calli opened the map and flipped it over.

“So where do I turn?”

Calli folded up the map and threw it in Hayden’s lap. “You’re putting too much pressure on me. You figure it out.” Calli crossed her arms over her chest.

“You know I can’t drive and read the map at the same time. Could you please take another look?”

Calli took the map from Hayden and studied it again. “Okay. Okay. I think I’ve got it. Turn up here onto I-90.”

Dust and dirt flew all around them as Hayden sharply turned the wheel, almost missing the exit.

Calli grasped the door handle to steady herself in her seat. As they headed down Interstate 90, she slid on her sunglasses. “See. I’m not such a bad navigator after all.”

Hayden rolled her eyes.

She followed I-90 and found the exit for Erie. She drove down to Sixth Street, entered Waldameer Park, and saw the entrance to the employee parking lot.

“That’s us.” Hayden swung the Civic into the lot. The girls got out and hiked the four hundred yards to the park office building. It sat at the center of the midway over the rock garden, next to the Paratrooper.

A bell jingled as Hayden and Calli opened the door to the tiny air-conditioned building. John Thorpe, the man who had hired the girls through a phone interview, stood behind a white wooden counter. They reintroduced themselves.

“Hello, Hayden, Calli. How was the drive up from Youngstown?”

“Not too bad. Although there were a few tense moments trying to find I-90,” Hayden said, looking directly at Calli.

Calli seemed oblivious to the comment.

“I have you girls scheduled for food service tomorrow morning. We start bright and early around here, so I expect you to be at your station at eight sharp.”

“Eight o’clock?” Calli whined.

Hayden elbowed her. “Eight is fine, Mr. Thorpe. We’ll be there.”

“When you get to the park in the morning, an assignment sheet will be posted outside this office. Check the sheet, and you’ll see where you’re supposed to work for the day. It may change from day to day, so I suggest you check it every morning.”

Mr. Thorpe handed Hayden and Calli their new uniforms. Gingerbread brown with white lace trim on the smock and down the sides of the polyester slacks. They looked like something out of Hansel and Gretel.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Calli said. “If it wasn’t for this job, I wouldn’t be caught dead in this outfit.”

“I know, but it’s what they expect us to wear. If we want to work here, we have to do what they say. Besides, it’s not that bad.” Hayden held up her uniform, and a lace cummerbund fell to the ground. She picked it up and laughed. “Wow.”

The girls walked back to the car. “We better find the cabin and unload our stuff before it gets dark,” Hayden said.

“I don’t know about you, but I need a drink and to do something fun tonight before we officially become working girls.”

“Okay,” Hayden said against her better judgment. “So where do you suppose we go? We don’t know anyone here or where anything is.”

“So we’ll look in the phone book.”

“You’re going to look in the phone book for a bar?”

“Sure, why not?”

“We haven’t even moved into our place yet. Where are you going to find a phone book?”

“Over there.” Calli pointed at a glass phone booth that stood in the corner of the parking lot, about fifty yards from their car.

“Go ahead, knock yourself out.”

Calli sprinted toward the phone booth while Hayden sat on the bumper of the Civic and waited. The sun seemed hotter out here on the asphalt parking lot. She wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. Two minutes later, Calli returned with a ripped-out sheet from the Yellow Pages.

“Here. I’ve found a place. It’s a dance bar,” Calli said, nearly out of breath.

“And how do you think we’re going to get in? You won’t be eighteen until next month.”

Calli reached into her jean jacket purse. “With this.”

She handed Hayden the plastic ID card that made Calli a twenty-one-year-old brunette named Sheila Cummings. “Where did you get this?” Hayden handed back the fake ID.

“I can’t reveal my sources. If I did, I’d have to kill you.” Calli laughed at her own joke. Hayden just shook her head. Nothing Calli did surprised her.

“So what’s the name of this place?” Hayden asked as she unlocked Calli’s door, then made her way around to the driver’s side.

“The Zone,” Calli said. “And tonight is ladies’ night.”

Chapter Five

Abbey closed the trunk lid on the Mustang. The heels of her Nine West shoes clicked on the brick sidewalk as she walked over to the landlord’s unit to return the keys to her house. She rented the place since she started teaching at St. Mary’s, starting in September until the end of the school year. By June, she was ready to go back to her life with Ann in Erie.

Even though Abbey tried to relax and get into a better frame of mind on the drive home, she couldn’t shut her brain off, and thoughts of Ann and Jackson together intruded on her every thought. Even turning the radio up and singing out loud to ABBA didn’t help. What Abbey once thought was an unbreakable bond now seemed to be held together with false hope and partial truths.

Abbey’s stomach clenched as she pulled into the driveway of the house she shared with Ann just before five thirty. She and Ann found the house two years earlier on a bike riding trip and fell in love with it on sight. One of their greatest joys was fixing up the place together. Painting, sanding the hardwood floors, and installing a ceiling fan in their bedroom made the house theirs. It was the only place where they felt safe enough to be themselves. Safe from the rest of the world who might not understand their relationship.

It had been two months since she and Ann were together for more than a few hours, and Abbey was looking forward to spending time with Ann and getting things back the way they used to be. Abbey got out of the car and popped the trunk. She unloaded her suitcase, cosmetic bag, and a bottle of champagne she had picked up at their favorite Geneva winery to celebrate their reunion. She slammed the lid shut and carried her belongings up the cobblestone walkway. Abbey slid her key in the doorknob and unlocked the front door.

“Hello? Is anyone home?” she called into the house. No one answered. She set her belongings in the foyer and walked down the hall into the kitchen, then the bedroom and out on the back patio.

Abbey’s heart sank. She had at least hoped Ann would have been home when she arrived. Sullenly, Abbey dragged her suitcase down the carpeted hall to the bedroom. She hoisted it up onto the queen-sized bed and began to unpack.

“Why should this go to waste?” Abbey unwrapped the foil covering on the champagne and popped the cork. “Welcome home,” Abbey whispered and took a sip directly from the bottle. Ann would be perturbed by her doing such a thing. It was uncivilized, and Ann was civilized. Knowing this, Abbey took another swig. And another. The champagne was going down pretty smooth, but it didn’t do much to make her feel better. Fear and disappointment bubbled up inside her as she opened the dresser drawer and put her things away.

Over and over in her head, Abbey rehearsed the conversation that would probably escalate into an argument once Ann did come home. Abbey needed Ann to be here. She needed some sign from her that Abbey was still important in her life. Since Ann’s affair with Jackson the previous winter, Abbey felt like a bystander. She felt a pang of loneliness in her heart. She took another swig of champagne.

Abbey only needed to unpack a few things because she and Ann would be heading out to the beach house in a few days for two weeks. It was one of the mini vacations they enjoyed at the beginning of the summer before the tourists took over. She opened the closet to hang up some things and found comfort in seeing Ann’s suits hanging neatly on expensive wooden hangers by shade from gray to navy to black. Her shirts were impeccably pressed and hanging on wooden hangers also.

Abbey pushed her nose against the sleeve of one of Ann’s suits and inhaled deeply. She loved the smell of Ann’s Obsession perfume, which still lingered on the suit. Just a hint of the stuff stirred desire deep inside her. If Ann saw Abbey do this, she would think she was silly. Ann thought a lot of the things Abbey did were silly and did not hesitate to tell her so.

Ann was a very organized person. Abbey was not. Abbey knew this drove Ann crazy. Abbey did things at the last minute. Ann would pack for weekend trips on Wednesday, but this time, something was different. There wasn’t the usual stack of suitcases and travel bags in the corner all packed and ready to go. Ann must be swamped with this tenure stuff to keep her off her schedule, Abbey thought.

On the top shelf of the closet were their photo albums. Here was a record of Abbey and Ann’s life together. Abbey pulled down the red and green leather-covered volumes and flipped open the first one. There was a picture of her and Ann standing in a vineyard in Tuscany. Ann stood behind Abbey with her arms around her waist. They looked so happy in that photo, Abbey thought as she turned the page. The next page was full of pictures at the Fountain of Trevi in Rome and in Venice, where Abbey ate gelato on the steps of St. Mark’s Cathedral, and another picture of them on riding on a gondola. Abbey sighed. Tears pricked at her eyes. These were such wonderful times, what had happened to their lives? She sighed and tried to concentrate on a more pleasant time, a time when she was sure of herself and of what she and Ann had together. She knew the living arrangements put a strain on their relationship, but they truly loved each other. And love could get you through anything. Right?

But all she could think about was that night in December when she left school early to surprise Ann at work with a dinner date at her favorite restaurant, just the two of them.

When she got to Ann’s office, all the secretaries had gone home. Ann’s office was dark, but Abbey knew she must still be there because her car was in the parking lot. Abbey made her way down the deserted hallway and peered into each empty office. At the end of the hall was the only office with a light on. On the door was a gold plate inscribed Dean Jackson Price. When Abbey thought about this, she remembered something in her gut telling her not to go in. Maybe if she had listened to her gut then, things would be different now.

*******

The champagne and the emotions were beginning to take their toll on Abbey.

She had a headache from the champagne, so she headed into the bathroom to wash her face and get some Tylenol for her head. She opened the medicine cabinet to get the pills when she saw it—a bottle of Polo cologne. Abbey reached into the cabinet and picked up the green glass bottle. Her insides shook as she walked back into the bedroom and sat on the bed still holding the cologne. She looked around the room to see if anything else had changed while she was gone.

 As she lay back on the bed and watched the ceiling fan that she and Ann installed together, her heart still refused to believe what her mind insisted on telling her.

Abbey abruptly sat up. She had had enough of this self-pity crap. She would just go find Ann and whatever happened, happened. You can’t go on living with your head in the sand forever, she thought as she grabbed her purse and keys and headed to Ann’s office.

Chapter Six

Abbey pulled the Mustang into the faculty lot in front of Ann’s office. Her mind was a crazy mixture of anxiety, anger, and fear with a faint undercurrent of hope trying to raise its head beneath troubled waters. She stood in the lobby and repeatedly stabbed at the button for the elevator as her mind raced. What if she found them together again? Then what? That would mean she would have to leave Ann, right? What if nothing was going on? That all this panic and worry was for nothing? She would feel like an idiot then. And what would that say about her ability to trust Ann again?

Abbey poked at the elevator button again and again. What is taking so long? Finally, the elevator arrived. Raucous laughter came from the other side of the doors. The doors slid open, and all of the sudden, the laughter stopped.

Abbey felt the heat of anger rise up her neck and color her face. Standing before her in the elevator were Ann and Jackson. Abbey looked into Ann’s eyes in hopes of seeing an explanation there. All she saw was shame.

Without a word, Abbey turned and rushed out of the building into the parking lot. Tears blurred her vision as she tried to slide her key into the door lock. Before she could get the door open, she felt a hand on her arm.

“Abbey, please wait,” Ann said. Abbey felt her hand tremble.

Abbey turned to face Ann. “What for? You’ve obviously decided where you wanted to be today.”

Abbey turned away and jabbed the key at the chrome lock, trying to get the car door open.

“It’s not what you think. I’ve been in meetings all afternoon. I can’t help it that Jackson is here, he works here. I have no control over that.”

“I understand that. And by the look of the two of you in the elevator, it must have been one hell of a meeting.”

“You’re not being realistic.”

“Oh, you want me to be realistic. Okay then, how’s this for reality? Don’t wait up for me tonight because I won’t be coming home.”

“Abbey, don’t.”

“I can’t be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust.”

“We weren’t doing anything! I was thanking Jackson for his part in helping me win my bid for tenure.”

Abbey opened the car door. “Well, congratulations. Looks like you have everything you want now.” Abbey got in the car and slammed the door. She barely waited for Ann to step back before she peeled out of the parking lot.

*******

Jackson, who had been watching the scene unfold, finally got up the courage to walk up to Ann. “Was that the same woman who walked in on us in my office last Christmas?”

Ann nodded as she watched the Mustang disappear down the road. She looked down and wished she could be anywhere but here. Jackson stepped closer to Ann and put his arm around her shoulder. Her shoulders slumped forward.

“You okay?” Jackson asked.

Ann cleared her throat. “Yes, I’m fine.”

Ann needed to be alone, to think things through. But she could feel Jackson’s stare on her and knew he had questions about what had taken place. Questions she should have answered months before but didn’t. She didn’t have anything left in her to deal with that. She just wanted to be alone, to roll up in a ball, and shut the rest of the world out.

She turned to Jack. “I forgot my briefcase in my office,” Ann said. “So I guess I’ll talk to you next week?”

“Oh, okay. Sure,” Jack said. “But if you don’t mind, I’d like to go in with you. I think we need to talk.”

Ann’s head pounded with a harrowing headache as she and Jackson walked back inside. When they reached the lobby, Jack touched Ann’s arm and turned her around. “So do you want to tell me what that was back there?”

Ann took in a deep breath. She looked in Jackson’s eyes and wondered how much damage this information would do to their relationship, personal, as well as professional, and wondered if she could trust him with her secret.

She decided to tentatively test the waters. “Abbey and I have been friends for a long time.”

“I realize that, but why does she react so intensely regarding your personal life?”

“We’re very close.”

 “I have a few close friends, and they don’t act the way she does to personal events in my life. It’s almost like…”

By the look on Jack’s face, Ann knew he figured out the truth. “Oh, my God…are you and Abbey lovers?”

Ann couldn’t meet his gaze. She cringed at the sound of the word “lover.” She turned toward him. “Jack, please. It’s complicated.”

“You’re telling me it’s complicated. Actually, it clears up quite a few things. ”

The elevator doors opened, and Ann and Jackson stepped on. “I’ll be damned,” Jackson said, obviously stunned by his revelation.

The elevator stopped and Ann hurried down the hall to her office. Jackson followed her, stopping at Ann’s closed office door. “Ann?” Jackson tried the door, but it was locked. He tapped the glass inlay. “Open the door, please.”

Silence.

Jack knocked harder. “Ann, c’mon. Don’t you think we need to talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about” came from the other side.

Jackson jiggled the knob. “Please open the door. I don’t care about your past or what might or might not be true. Just please open the door so we can have an adult conversation about this.”

The doorknob turned, and Ann stepped back to let Jack in. His warm smile caught her off-guard, and slowly, her defenses melted away.

Before she knew it, Jackson had taken her into his arms and kissed the top of her head and looked her in the eyes. “What happened in the past doesn’t matter. Someone once told me it doesn’t matter so much where you’ve been as it does about where you’re going. We both have pasts. But isn’t that what has brought us here today?”

“But, Jack, this is different.” She twisted in his arms, trying to break free, but before she could say another word, Jackson began kissing her neck. Ann’s insides shuddered, and her knees felt weak. It was like this new knowledge about her was fueling his passion. Her heart pounded and everything felt chaotic. All she wanted to do was run away, but her feet felt like lead, and the more Jackson kissed her, the more her resolve softened and softened and softened until it was completely gone and she was kissing him back.

Chapter Seven

Tears blurred her vision as Abbey drove aimlessly through the streets of Erie. Her head and her heart ached from going over and over in her mind seeing Ann and Jackson together again. She couldn’t believe how foolish she was to give Ann another chance after what happened at Christmas. Now she really felt like a fool for trusting Ann to end that relationship. Tired of driving, she pulled into the parking lot of her old stomping grounds, The Zone. The Zone was a gay bar where she and Ann frequented because it was the only safe place in Erie for lesbians to go.

Abbey shut the car off and let her head drop against the steering wheel. Anger, frustration, and grief tussled for their places in her heart. How could she have been so naïve to think Ann would keep her promise? After all, whatever Ann wanted, Ann usually got, no matter who got hurt in the process.

Abbey pulled herself together, grabbed her purse, and walked inside. The place was already filling up, and there was only one seat left at the bar. Abbey slid onto the leather stool and signaled to Sharon, the bartender.

“Hey, when did you get back into town?” Sharon placed a white cocktail napkin in front of Abbey.

“This afternoon. Can I get a Rolling Rock?” Abbey tossed a five-dollar bill on the bar.

“Sure thing.” Sharon pulled a mug from the cooler and filled it with beer. “Ann working this evening?”

Abbey looked down. “Uh-huh.” Then the tears started to well up again.

“Ab, you okay?” Sharon reached over and touched Abbey’s arm.

Abbey nodded and took a swig of beer. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Sharon gave Abbey a look like she didn’t believe her.

“Really, I’m okay. It’s just been a long day.” Abbey took another sip of beer.

“Okay.” Sharon went on to attend to other customers.

Abbey looked around the bar. Although it was crowded, she never felt so alone. How could Ann do this to her? To them? What could she possibly see in Jackson? Didn’t what they had together mean anything? Each time she thought of Ann and Jackson together, she shuddered. She signaled Sharon again for another beer.

“How ya doin’?” Sharon set down another frosted mug of Rolling Rock in front of Abbey.

Abbey looked up. Tears still trembled on her eyelashes.

“Abbey, what’s going on with you?”

Abbey’s body tightened. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “It’s Ann. She’s having an affair.”

“Oh, my. Are you sure?”

Abbey nodded. She paused for a moment because she didn’t know how far she wanted to go with this, especially since Ann and Sharon had been friends from way back. Although it felt good to talk to someone about what was happening, she didn’t feel right about airing their dirty laundry.

“I’m so sorry this is happening. As long as I’ve known Ann…this really surprises me. I know she’s crazy about you. She always told me you were the best thing that ever happened to her.”

“That may have been true before, but not now.”

“Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe she’s just busy with work and stuff. I know when you’re away, she buries herself in work. It can be months when I don’t see hide nor hair of her. Didn’t you tell me the last time you two were in here that she was trying to get tenure?”

“Yes, she’s obsessed with it.” Abbey took a gulp of beer.

“Well, there you go. She’s so caught up in all that. I’m sure once that’s finished, things will get better. Maybe you two need to go away together, just the two of you. See if you can reconnect and get that old feeling back.”

“Nice try, but I caught her in the act.”

“Oh, I see.” There was long pause. By the look on Sharon’s face, she was trying to come up with the right words to say. “Gee, kid, I’m really sorry.”

Abbey looked down into her half-empty mug and smiled. “Thanks.”

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Sharon asked.

Abbey drained her beer mug and set it on the bar. “Just keep them coming.”

Chapter Eight

Hayden pulled the Civic into the parking lot of The Zone. “I don’t know about this, Calli. This looks busy.” She was reluctant to go into a place, especially a bar, where she had never been before.

“Yeah, it looks great,” Calli said. “I bet there are a lot of cute guys here.” She applied another coat of pink lip gloss to her pouty lips.

Hayden was exhausted. “We aren’t going to stay out late, are we?”

“You know, you need to let loose a little. We’re finally free. No curfew, no parents watching over us. I don’t know about  you, but I’m going to have a good time.”

 As they entered the bar, Three Times a Lady by the Commodores played on the jukebox. Several couples were dancing on the dance floor. Hayden blinked her eyes to adjust to the dim light. An uneasy feeling came over her as she looked at the dance floor again and noticed there was something different about the couples. They appeared to be only women.

Hayden made her way through the crowded bar. Calli strutted ahead of her, clearly with no idea that this place wasn’t what they thought it was.

Hayden caught up to her just as she reached the mahogany bar. “Calli, I don’t think we belong here.” Hayden had to shout to be heard above that jukebox that was now playing a medley of Donna Summer songs.

Calli turned around. “Why, because they serve alcohol here? Relax, you know a drink might just loosen you up a little. You don’t always have to be in control. You’ve got to learn to let your hair down once in a while.”

The music had changed to We Are Family by Sister Sledge. Hayden looked again at the couples dancing. The people on the dance floor erupted in song and were clapping their hands over their heads like this was their theme song or something. “Look over there.” Hayden nodded toward the dance floor. “Do those couples look different to you?”

Calli squinted toward them. “No. I mean, it’s mostly women, but they’re playing a fast song. Most guys don’t like to dance to fast songs.”

“Something isn’t right. I think we better go.”

“I’m not leaving until I get a drink. Obviously, you could use one, too. I’ll buy.” Calli dug in her purse and pulled out a ten-dollar bill.

Sharon, the bartender, approached Calli. “What can I get you?”

“Two beers, please. Whatever you have on tap will be fine.”

“I need to see ID.”

Calli confidently pulled out the Sheila Cummings ID from her wallet and handed it over.

Sharon took out a tiny flashlight and looked over the ID and back up at Calli.

“I can’t quite make out the date of birth on here. Can you tell me when your birthday is?”

Calli froze.

A deep flush rose from Calli’s neck into her cheeks. “What?” she shouted.

Oh, my God. Hayden tried to stifle her laughter as she watched the expression on Calli’s face. Calli obviously didn’t bother to memorize the most important thing on the ID: the vital statistics.

“When is your birthday?” Sharon hollered over the music.

Calli looked over at Hayden as if she knew the answer to the question. Hayden shrugged. Calli was busted. Hayden turned away so Calli couldn’t see her laughing. That would be a big bruise to Calli’s ego.

As Hayden turned, she looked toward the end of the bar. Her heart skipped a beat when she thought she saw a familiar face. My God, who on earth would she know in a dive bar in western Pennsylvania? When she looked closer, one of the women sitting at the bar drinking a beer looked a lot like Miss Spencer.

Hayden shook her head in disbelief. Obviously, her subconscious was playing tricks on her. Yes, she thought about Miss Spencer often, but she needed to stop that because now she was hallucinating. Hayden turned back toward Calli, who was still trying to buffalo the bartender.

“Miss, I need to know when your date of birth is or I can’t serve you.”

“April 23, 1986,” Calli said.

The bartender looked down at the ID and grinned. “Nice try, kid, but you’re off by a few years. I can’t serve you, and I’m going to have to keep this.” The bartender slipped the fake ID into the front pocket of her flannel shirt.

“Hey, you can’t do that,” Calli protested.

“I can if it’s fake. The birth date you gave me and the birth date on the ID don’t match up. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know when their birthday is, do you?”

Calli shook her head.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you.”

Hayden couldn’t watch Calli do this any longer. She grabbed her by the arm to lead her outside and caught another glimpse of the familiar face. Only this time it wasn’t her imagination. It truly was Miss Spencer.

Hayden’s heart raced, as well as her mind. What would Miss Spencer be doing in a place like this? Hayden pulled Calli by the arm. “Come on, let’s go.”

“This sucks,” Calli said as they worked their way through the crowd. When they got closer to the exit, they got closer to Miss Spencer.

“Calli, look,” Hayden said.

“Oh, my God! Is that who I think it is? Is that Miss Spencer?”

“It sure looks like her.” Hayden walked behind Calli as they made their way toward the exit.

“What’s she doing in a dump like this?”

What’s she doing indeed, Hayden thought, remembering the couples on the dance floor were only women.

As they approached the exit, Hayden turned to get one more look at Miss Spencer. If that was her, and Hayden still had her doubts, there was something very different about her. Yes, it always seemed foreign to see one of your teachers outside of the classroom, and it was still another thing seeing her sitting in a dive bar, probably gay bar, drinking beer like she was trying to drown something deep inside of her. But it was also the way she sat at the bar, hunched over, tearing at the little white napkin in front of her that made her look so incredibly vulnerable and sad.

*******

Once they got outside, Hayden exhaled deeply. She was relieved to be out of that place.

“This place isn’t a regular bar,” Hayden said as she and Calli walked to their car.

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s a gay bar.”

“Oh, it is not. You’re crazy.”

“Did you see any guys in there?”

“Yes, of course, there were guys there. The place was polluted with them. Some of them were very nice looking.”

Hayden raised one eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

“Sure, there were some cute ones, but a lot of them were a little overweight and a lot shorter than me, not my type at all. You know I can’t go out with anyone who’s shorter than me,” Calli said as they reached the Civic.

“Those weren’t men, you idiot, they were women. Are you that blind?”

“You’re crazy. So what are you saying? That this place is a gay bar and those lumberjack-looking guys aren’t guys at all, and since we saw Miss Spencer in there, that means she’s gay?”

Hayden shrugged. “Why else would she be in there?”

“You’re nuts. Miss Spencer isn’t gay. She’s too pretty to be gay.”

Chapter Nine

Abbey stayed at The Zone until closing time. She sat at the bar until Sharon finished up her nightly duties of stocking the coolers and clearing out the cash drawer, then walked out to the parking lot with her. “So do you think you and Ann can patch things up?” Sharon asked.

“I don’t know. Everything looks so hopeless. When I look at Ann, it’s like I don’t even know her anymore.”

Sharon reached out and touched Abbey’s arm. “I know what you’re going through is hard. Try to work it out, Ab. I’ve known Ann for a lot of years, and this doesn’t sound like her at all. Something big must have happened for her to act this way.”

“Yes, apparently, she’s changed teams and fallen out of love with me.”

“What?” Sharon stopped dead in her tracks.

“You heard me.”

“You’re kidding. Ann with a man?”

“I wish I was kidding.”

“That’s just so strange. I mean, Ann never dated men in college. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Tell me about it. It’s all I can think about. It sucks, Sharon. It really sucks. She was my whole world. And now…”

“When did this happen?”

“I caught her in the act over Christmas break, but I suspect that things had been going on for quite some time.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because ever since I got the teaching job in Youngstown, things have felt different between us.”

“How so?”

“I thought that because I would be away all week, when I came home on the weekend, she would be excited to see me. But as time went on, my homecomings didn’t seem to matter. She seemed so wrapped up in work and the tenure stuff that my being there didn’t matter much. It was like being in a situation where you can’t really point to what’s wrong with the relationship, you just get to a point when you stop relating to each other.”

“That’s sad. You two were really good together.”

Abbey managed a weak smile.

“How did you find out about the affair?”

“I came home early for Christmas break to surprise her with a special date night out before the craziness of the holidays, but I was the one in for the surprise.”

 When Abbey thought about seeing Ann and Jackson together, she felt nauseated. She swallowed the pain and despair that threatened in her throat. “It was awful. Seeing them together, I felt as if my whole world had just caved in.”

“I bet. But you two must have worked something out, or you would have broken up then and there. There must still be some hope.”

“We did back then. Ann promised to end the relationship, or whatever they had going on between her and Jackson, and we would work on putting our relationship back on track.”

“That sounds like a good plan, so there really is hope.”

“For a while, I thought there was, but now I’m not so sure. After seeing her with him again today, I’m afraid I’ll never be able to trust her again.”

Sharon looked at Abbey thoughtfully. “The last time I talked to her, she told me she wasn’t crazy about you taking that teaching job in Youngstown. But I thought she was doing okay with it. I never thought things would get this out of hand.”

Suddenly, a bolt of anger shot through Abbey. Her head snapped up as she looked at Sharon. “So you think this is all my fault?”

“No, not at all. I’m just saying Ann’s never liked being alone. She’s always had to have someone by her side.”

“But she wasn’t alone. I came home almost every weekend. We were still together. In a committed relationship…at least I thought it was a committed relationship.”

 “Well, don’t give up just yet. Talk to her, at least to explain what’s going on inside of you. Tell her it’s safe to talk, that you want to understand what’s going on. Maybe she’ll open up then.”

“You know you sound more like a therapist than a bartender.”

Sharon smiled. “Being a bartender, you hear a lot of people’s problems. I like to think of myself as a recreational therapist, all ears and advice but no education to back any of it up.”

Abbey smiled for the first time that night. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot,” Abbey said. “But I’m not real optimistic. The last thing I said to her was, don’t bother waiting up because I wasn’t coming home.”

“Well, good luck with that,” Sharon said, and they laughed.

Abbey hugged Sharon goodbye. “Thanks for listening.”

“It’s what I do best.” Sharon winked and walked toward her car.

As Abbey unlocked her car door, it started to rain. A few sputters at first, then big sloppy droplets splashed on her cheeks. The cool water felt good on her face.

Abbey got into her car and waited until Sharon got into hers safe and sound before driving home. As the wipers squeaked across her windshield clearing her view, Abbey wished the rain would wash away the brooding pain and heavy loneliness she felt.

*******

When Abbey pulled into her driveway, the house was dark, but Ann’s car was in the garage. Relief tinged with fear thumped in Abbey’s heart. She took a deep breath to compose herself and to collect her thoughts. She needed to keep a cool head if she and Ann had any chance at getting to the bottom of what was causing their problems. She needed Ann to feel safe enough to talk this out so they could move on and get past this. After all, if they couldn’t get past it, did they have a future? Abbey remembered what Sharon told her and took it under advisement.

Abbey looked at the dark house again and secretly hoped Ann would be asleep already and she wouldn’t have to deal with any more drama that night. She cautiously got out of the car and walked to the front porch. She put her key into the lock and turned it. It made a satisfying click. Abbey quietly pushed open the front door, and dim silver light spilled into the foyer from the small utility light above the kitchen sink.

“I was beginning to believe that you really weren’t coming home tonight.” Ann’s voice came from a dark corner of the living room.

Abbey jumped. She flicked on the foyer light and saw Ann, still dressed in her tweed suit, sitting in the easy chair next to the fireplace with a scotch in her hand. She looked exhausted.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark?” Abbey asked.

“Waiting for you to come home. You should have been here hours ago.”

“I was, but you weren’t. You had somewhere more important to be, if I remember correctly.” The tone in her voice even gave Abbey pause. She remembered Sharon’s advice. She wasn’t going to get anywhere with Ann if she was accusatory.

“Are you referring to the tenure committee meeting?”

“Yes, I guess, if that’s what you want to call it.” Ugh! This was harder than she thought, keeping her emotions in check.

Abbey pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ann, I’m sorry. Maybe I overreacted. Can we start over?”

Ann swirled the amber liquid and ice cubes in her glass and took a sip. “I thought that was what we were supposed to be doing anyway. At least until your little stunt this afternoon.”

“Look, this is difficult for me. What was I supposed to think when I saw you and Jackson together again today? All those terrible feelings of anger and mistrust came flooding back. I was hurt again. Especially since I was hoping you would be home when I got home and…”

“Abbey, you really need to get over this insecurity stuff. I know it’s been hard, but you’ve got to cut me some slack. As far as Jackson goes, I do still work with him. I can’t totally eliminate him from my life.”

“I know that. And I’m trying to be an adult about it, but for some reason, I just can’t.”

“Well, trust me, all today was, was work. The tenure meeting went on for hours until the committee agreed to accept my application, and by next week, everything will be in place.”

Abbey felt sad because under different circumstances, this would have been a time when she and Ann would have celebrated like crazy. But all she could muster was a lukewarm congratulations.

“That’s great. I know you’ve worked hard for this. You definitely deserve it.”

Ann walked over to the silver tray and crystal bottles to refresh her drink. Ice cubes clinked as she swirled the crystal glass to mix the ice and scotch and took another sip. “Yes, I do,” she said calmly.

Abbey leaned against the foyer wall and looked over at Ann. After everything that transpired, she may have wanted to hurt Ann for the pain and heartache she bestowed on her, but something deep inside her also wanted to make her want her again. She tried to force her confused emotions back in order but failed and fell back into defense mode, the only thing that felt safe to her.

“I’m sure Jackson is pretty pleased at the outcome after all his input on your getting tenure.”

“Yes, I think he is. He worked pretty hard trying to persuade the board.”

“And you looked pretty grateful yourself in that elevator.”

Ann’s gaze met Abbey’s disparagingly. “Jesus, Abbey. I know what you think you saw in the elevator, but you’re wrong. I promised you I would end things with Jackson and I did. I don’t know what else to do to convince you of that.”

“Well, for starters, you could have made it a point to let me know you weren’t going to be home this afternoon. I was looking forward to spending some alone time together, it being my first night back and all. And you could have at least had the decency to have removed any belongings he had left behind, like the cologne that was still in our bathroom.”

“What cologne?”

“There was a bottle of Polo in the medicine cabinet. When I went in our bathroom to get something for a headache, I saw it there.”

“That’s not Jackson’s cologne.”

“It’s not? Then whose is it?”

“Mine.”

“Yours? Since when do you wear men’s cologne?”

“Oh, I don’t wear it all the time. Just sometimes. I like how it smells.”

“Really?” 

Ann’s lips thinned with irritation. “If we’re going to work on this, you need to start trusting me.”

“I want to, I really do. I can’t help how I feel. And lately, it seems like everything else is important to you, except us.”

“I planned on being home when you got here, but the tenure committee meeting was last minute. It was supposed to be next week. They changed it because of someone else’s schedule. And I certainly didn’t think it would last as long as it did.” Ann ran her hand through her short hair. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you got home. I had good intentions. It didn’t work out that way.”

Ann looked down at the drink in her hand. “I know I haven’t been the best partner lately. But now that this work stuff is behind me, hopefully things will get better.”

She came closer to Abbey. “Look, Jackson and I are just friends. What you walked into those months ago was an experiment. A poorly thought-out experiment. There is no other relationship between Jack and me other than our work relationship.” Ann took another sip.

Abbey nodded but still had her guard up. Ann was saying the words she wanted to hear, but something inside her didn’t believe them. “I hope so.”

Abbey’s head hurt, and she was worn out. This was not how she envisioned her first night home ending.

Ann took one last gulp of her drink and set the empty glass on the silver tray. “Come on, it’s late. Let’s go to bed. You look exhausted and I’m beat. It’s been an emotional day, one I’d like to put behind us.”

Abbey followed Ann into the bedroom where they undressed in silence. Ann pulled the covers back on her side of the bed, and Abbey did the same on her side. Ann turned off the bedside lamp. Abbey lay there in the dark, her breathing shallow and her senses numb. She wanted to reach out to Ann, to make all this resentment go away, but Ann turned onto her side and faced the wall.

*******

Ann was careful of how close she was to Abbey. Not because she didn’t want her, but because she was afraid Abbey would be able to tell what had happened earlier that evening in her office with Jackson. She lay in the dark and berated herself for it. Abbey didn’t ask for all this upheaval, and she certainly didn’t deserve it. But Jackson had a hold on her that wasn’t so easy to break free. Every time she thought about what they did, it excited and repulsed her at the same time.

When she finally surrendered to him, she hated it. Didn’t know what all the fuss was about and swore she would never do it again. She told herself that it meant nothing, just two bodies coming together with no emotional involvement. Certainly not an enhancement of their friendship. At least that’s how she would have liked things to be. Now she was finding out that wasn’t so true, especially for Jack, and after that evening, he wasn’t going to let her go without a fight.

Chapter Ten

Bright morning sunlight streamed into Abbey and Ann’s bedroom. Abbey stretched her arms over her head and reached over to Ann’s side of the bed and found she wasn’t there. She bolted upright and listened for the shower or Ann’s electric toothbrush or any other sign that Ann might still be in the house.

Abbey grabbed her robe and peeked into the bathroom. No Ann. She padded into the kitchen and still no Ann. The smell of freshly brewed coffee lingered in the air. It was seven in the morning, but Ann was already up and out.

Ann had set out a coffee cup with a sticky note attached to it: Had to go into the office for a while to tie up some loose ends. Be back by noon. Ann.

Abbey tried to stay calm, but her intuition told her something was wrong. Terribly wrong. This certainly wasn’t how someone acted when she was trying to put her relationship back on track. Abbey hoped it was just the pressures from Ann’s job. That combined with the fact that they had gotten off to a bad start trying to get back into the rhythm of their life together. Maybe Ann needed some alone time to get a grip on things.

Abbey poured herself a cup of coffee. She sat at the kitchen table and dug her fingers into her scalp. Her throat felt tight as she fought back the tears, angry that it was happening again, that Ann put her second in her life. Whatever resolve she felt the night before about patching up their relationship had quickly dissolved in her mind.

Abbey gulped her coffee and headed into the bathroom to shower and get dressed. She needed some answers. Abbey decided to find Ann and find out what was going on. If she hurried, she could be at Ann’s office before eight o’clock.

Abbey drove through the thirty foot-high wrought iron gates of Mercyhurst. The college entryway was a famous landmark in Erie. She drove along the narrow brick driveway and into the parking lot of Preston Hall. There were only two cars in the parking lot—Ann’s car and a blue Buick that Abbey didn’t recognize. The lobby was deserted. She punched the elevator button, and the doors immediately yawned open. She let herself into the reception area of Ann’s office. Since it was the weekend, there was no student worker to announce her arrival. She opened the door into a hallway that led to several professors’ offices. Walking down the hall, she heard Ann’s voice, as well as a man’s. Abbey stopped in the hallway and listened to the conversation.

“What do you mean you didn’t tell her?” the man said. There was a long pause, then Ann spoke.

“I couldn’t. Not just yet. But I promise I will.”

Abbey froze. She turned to leave, hoping she wouldn’t be discovered but couldn’t move.

“The tenure committee meets next week to finalize your appointment. If they get wind of your relationship with Abbey, they may pull the recommendation. You’re so close, Ann. I’d hate to see you lose something this important over an insignificant fling.”

“I know. I know. Okay, I’ll talk to her tonight.”

“That’s my girl,” Jack said.

Insignificant fling! You gotta be kidding me! Abbey’s entire body trembled. She listened with a vague sense of unreality.

“A lot happened yesterday, and I just didn’t have the strength to get into it with her. Oh, by the way, she found your bottle of cologne. I had to tell her it was mine to avoid more upheaval.”

“Sorry about that. I must have forgotten it that morning we were running late.”

Abbey’s head felt as if it would explode. She felt bereft and devastated. Everything Ann said the night before was a lie. She was still involved with Jackson. That would explain why she was so distant. Or maybe they just wanted it to look that way for Ann to get what she wanted at work. And what was Ann planning on talking to her about? Did she want to hide behind the façade of a relationship with Jackson to advance her career? Or was she breaking up with her so she and Jackson could be together?

Abbey leaned against the wall. She held her hands over her ears and felt as if her legs could no longer hold her weight. She didn’t want to hear any more and needed to get out of here.

“Abbey! What are you doing here?”

Abbey looked up. Her heart pounded with fear as she suddenly found herself face to face with Ann.

Ann looked away, unable to maintain eye contact. “We have to talk.” Ann’s voice was stern. It was her teacher’s voice.

Abbey stood in the hall and shook her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jackson standing in the doorway behind Ann. “Is this how you work on a relationship? You sneak out early in the morning to rendezvous with your boyfriend?”

“I’m sorry.” There was a long pause. “Abbey…” Jackson came forward and stood next to Ann. Ann turned to look at him, then back at Abbey.

 “Ann, what’s going on?” Abbey’s voice quivered.

Ann lowered her head and spoke. “I’m sorry. I know I promised you…and I should have told you sooner…at least before you came home.”

“What are you talking about? You…and I…” Abbey couldn’t find the words to describe the hurt. “Last night. We talked things out...I thought we were going to try to make this work…” 

Ann looked over at Jackson, who looked like this was the last place he wanted to be.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.” Ann looked at Jackson again, then at Abbey. “I can’t live this lie anymore.”

“Lie? What lie?” Abbey felt like someone had punched her in the gut. “Are you telling me that what we have together isn’t real? We’ve loved each other for a long time.”

Ann looked at Abbey with impassive coldness.

Abbey was so enraged, she felt if she could get her hands on Ann that she would choke her. She took a deep breath to clear her head. Violence was never the answer. Feeling a little more in control, she nodded in Jackson’s direction. “Does he know we weren’t just roommates, but lovers?”

Ann nodded. “Yes, of course, I told him.”

“That’s nice. You have no trouble being honest with him, but you can’t be honest with me. That says a lot.”

Ann looked away. “I’m just being honest here. Anyway, you knew it couldn’t last. Not with our jobs, the long distance, and all that went with it.”

“Well, since you’re being so honest, I’m sure you told Jackson everything about our relationship, including the fact that you seduced me in my freshman year here and that we lived together the entire time I was a student. What about that? Does he know about that?”

“Abbey! Stop it! There’s no need for this to turn ugly. I know this isn’t what you wanted, but I believe it will be the best thing for both of us.” Ann reached into the front pocket of her slacks and pulled out a piece of paper. “Here, I’ve made arrangements for you to stay at the Holiday Inn, at least until you can find a place of your own.”

“You’re kicking me out of our home?”

Abbey couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The whole strange dream-like lunacy of it all scared her.

“I’m sorry. Even though I care about you and always will, my feelings have changed. I’m not gay anymore.” Ann smiled and turned to Jack, who had backed up a few steps and was standing closer to the wall. “Being with Jack has made me realize that I’ve been living a lie all these years. I’m sorry, but this is what I want.”

Jack stepped closer to Ann and put his arms around her waist, claiming her. Abbey felt like she was going to throw up. She covered her mouth and turned and ran down the hall. She didn’t want to wait for the elevator, so she ducked into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time, finally making it out into the parking lot. Once she reached her car, she doubled over and leaned against the car for support. Her body ached. She couldn’t believe this was happening. It felt like her entire life was drowning in a turbulent sea of lies.

A few minutes later, she heard the clicking of high heels on the pavement. She looked up and saw Ann coming toward her. Abbey held a glimmer of hope that Ann was coming to tell her this was all a mistake. She couldn’t possibly be in love with Jackson. But her hopes were quickly dashed.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you’re pretty upset right now.”

Abbey looked up at Ann. She straightened herself up but still had to lean against the car for support.

 “I’m sorry things turned out this way. Please take your time moving your stuff out. I know you never saw this coming. You have to believe I never meant to hurt you, but I have to do this. I have to be true to myself.”

Abbey dug in the front pocket of her jeans and pulled out her car key and jammed the key into the lock. “Fine. Go be with Jackson. I hope you two are very happy together.” Abbey slid into the car seat and slammed the door shut. Ann stoically stood outside the car. As she turned to walk away, Abbey calmly rolled down the window. “I’d like to say one more thing.”

Ann came closer to the car. “What’s that?”

“Fuck you, Ann.”

Chapter Eleven

The parking lot of The Zone was full. The lighted arrow sign at the entrance advertised a drag show starting at ten o’clock.

“Drag show? How are they going to race cars out here? There’s hardly enough room to park.” Calli flipped down the visor and used the tiny mirror to apply a new coat of Berry-Berry lipstick to her lips.

“Why do you even want to come back here? They won’t serve you. Heck, we’ll be lucky if they let us back in.”

“Oh, where’s your sense of adventure? Chances are with the place so packed, no one will notice us.”

Hayden rolled her eyes. I hope not.

Hayden pulled the car into a parking space and shut off the engine. “You sure you want to do this? I’m exhausted. Can’t we just go home?”

Calli opened her door and got out. “Come on, Hay. You’ll get your second wind once we get inside. Besides, the more crowded the bar, the better our chances for hooking up.”

Before Hayden had a chance to reply, Calli closed the door. Hayden leaned her forehead against the steering wheel. “Why do I let her do this to me?”

Already at the front entrance when Hayden got out of the car, Calli stood there waving her in.

“All right. I’m coming,” Hayden said under her breath.

Calli pushed open the warped wooden door, and a tidal wave of secondhand cigarette smoke and blaring music greeted them.

“Isn’t this great?” Calli shouted over the music.

“Sure.” Hayden wanted to be anywhere but here. If Calli wasn’t her best friend, she’d be at home curled up in bed reading a good book.

“Hayden, look.” Calli pointed in the direction of the crowded bar. “Look who’s back.”

Hayden looked over and her breath caught. There was Miss Spencer, sitting at the bar with a drink in front of her with three olives in it. She looked different. Not the usual put-together-perfectly Miss Spencer. Her hair was disheveled, and she looked like she’d been crying. Hayden felt a pang of sadness in her chest.

“She looks like crap,” Calli shouted. “Wonder what’s going on with her.”

“She does look sad.” Hayden fought an overwhelming urge to go over to her.

 Calli headed to the opposite side of the bar. “I’m going to try to get a drink. You want anything?”

Hayden shook her head. She followed Calli to the bar but couldn’t stop looking at Miss Spencer. Calli burrowed between two large leather-clad Harley guys to order her drink. A few minutes later, she turned around with a bottle of Miller Lite beer.

“How did you get that?” Hayden watched Calli take her first sip.

“When I couldn’t get the bartender’s attention, that Harley guy ordered it for me. Pretty slick, huh?”

“You are something else.”

The girls made their way across the bar and found an empty table next to the bathroom. Calli drank her beer while Hayden sat back and continued to spy on Miss Spencer.

Several couples moved around the tiny parquet dance floor as Yvonne Elliman crooned If I Can’t Have You. After that song finished, the music changed to YMCA by the Village People, and you would have thought someone yelled, “Fire!” Almost everyone in the bar cheered and ran to the dance floor. Then they started to do some kind of line dance that neither Calli nor Hayden ever saw.

“What the…?” Calli turned toward Hayden.

Hayden shrugged. She looked in the direction of where Miss Spencer was sitting and saw that she was finishing her drink. Another full glass with three olives waited next to it.

“Wow. Miss Spencer’s really pounding them down,” Calli said as she sipped her beer.

“I know. I’m worried about her.” Hayden couldn’t keep her eyes off her. Her heart skipped a beat each time she looked her way.

“Why would you worry about her? She’s just our old teacher.” Calli stood. “I’m going to get another beer. You want anything?”

“Maybe a Diet Coke.”

“Boy, you’re really living on the edge now. I’ll be right back.”

Calli headed to the bar. Hayden looked to where Miss Spencer was sitting and noticed that the stool she previously occupied was empty. She looked around to see where she went.

“Oh, my God,” Hayden whispered, “she’s coming this way.”

Hayden looked away, hoping to avoid eye contact when Miss Spencer passed by, but it was too late.

“Hayden? What are you doing here?”

“I...uh…we moved up a few days ago. Calli and me.”

Hayden was concerned when she saw Miss Spencer up close. She looked tipsy and had to grab the edge of the table to steady herself.

Miss Spencer clumsily leaned in close to Hayden. Her breath reeked of alcohol, and she almost fell into Hayden’s lap when she whispered, “I don’t mean here in Erie, I mean here in this bar. Do you know what kind of place this is?”

Hayden thought for a moment before she answered. “It’s a bar. I know I shouldn’t be here because I’m underage.”

“No, no, no, honey. It’s not that. Hayden, this isn’t a…” Miss Spencer stopped midsentence. She appeared to be searching through her alcohol-numbed brain to figure out what she wanted to say. “You just really shouldn’t be here.”

Hayden felt embarrassed and didn’t know what to say.

Calli returned to the table with two bottles of Miller Lite and a can of Diet Coke. She sat at the table and set the dripping bottles in the center of it.

“Whoa,” Calli said when she saw the condition Miss Spencer was in. She slid the can of Diet Coke over to Hayden and pushed the Miller Lite bottles behind the placard advertising “Ladies Night. Two-for-one Rolling Rock” to hide the beer from her former teacher, but it was too late.

“Calli, who bought you those beers?”

Calli got to her feet. “Hello, Miss Spencer.”

“You two really shouldn’t be in here. And you shouldn’t be drinking.” Abbey reached for the beers, knocking one over and sending a cascade of beer into Hayden’s lap. Hayden bolted up, but it was too late. Calli grabbed the remaining bottle of beer and held on to it tight.

“Oh, Hayden...here, let me get you something to dry yourself off with.”

“I’ll grab some napkins.” Calli went back to the bar and returned with a fist full of paper napkins.

Hayden dabbed at her beer-soaked jeans. It was a futile effort as most of the beer had soaked in.

“Hayden, I am so sorry,” Miss Spencer said again.

“It’s okay, it was an accident.” Hayden stood. “We were leaving anyway. Ready, Calli?”

Calli pulled away. “I’m not ready to go yet.”

“Calli, please. We have no business being here. Let’s go!”

“I’m not leaving. You want to go, go ahead. I’ll see you later.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t leave you here alone.”

“Then don’t. Come on, Hay. What’s the big deal?”

Calli sat down, apparently adamant about not leaving. She had finally been served and looked ready to take full advantage of the situation.

Her defiance seemed to upset Miss Spencer. “Calli, this isn’t a place for girls like you and Hayden.”

“What do you mean?”

Miss Spencer stepped closer to Calli and whispered, “This is a gay bar.”

Calli stepped back, looking shocked. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. Now do you believe me?” Hayden said.

Calli looked around the bar. “Okay then, but, Miss Spencer, if this is a gay bar, what are you doing here?”

Abbey looked caught off-guard by Calli’s question. “I...uh…have friends who are gay.”

“Oh, really?” Calli looked over at Hayden, who was so embarrassed by Calli’s behavior she wanted to crawl into the woodwork.

Hayden stepped in. “Sorry, Miss Spencer. We’ll be leaving now.”

Miss Spencer suddenly appeared not to be feeling well. She held her stomach as if in an effort to control it.

“Are you all right?” Hayden asked.

Miss Spencer put her hand up to her mouth and stumbled toward the bathroom. Through the door, Hayden and Calli could hear her retching.

“Let’s get out of here.” Calli guzzled half her beer.

“We can’t just leave her like this. What if she passes out or something?” Hayden said. “Let’s just wait a few minutes to make sure she’s okay.”

Calli rolled her eyes. She sat back down and took a few more swigs of beer.

Several minutes passed, and Miss Spencer still hadn’t come out of the bathroom.

“Do you think she’s all right?” Hayden asked.

Calli peeled the label off her beer bottle. “She’s a big girl, Hay, I think she can take care of herself.”

“I’m going to go in and check on her.”

Calli sat back in her chair. “Knock yourself out, Florence Nightingale.”

Hayden gingerly pushed open the bathroom door. “Miss Spencer, are you okay?” She found her sitting on the filthy floor, her head resting on the single commode. The room reeked of vomit and alcohol.

Hayden walked toward her. “Miss Spencer, is there someone I can call for you to take you home?”

Miss Spencer lifted her head and looked at Hayden. Her face crumpled, and she started to cry.

Hayden knelt next to her and gently pushed her hair out of her face. Miss Spencer’s face was tear-stained through her makeup. Hayden reached up and flushed the toilet to get rid of the stench. Miss Spencer retched again, but only tendrils of stringy mucus came up.

“Oh, Hayden. I’m so ashamed. I can’t seem to do anything right anymore.” She sat up straighter as though trying to reclaim some dignity.

Hayden stood and went over to the sink. She wet a couple of paper towels and handed them to Miss Spencer. “Here, maybe this will help you feel better.”

Miss Spencer took the towels and wiped her mouth and face.

Hayden crouched down next to her. “How are you doing?” Hayden asked.

“Better.” She tried to stand but grabbed her stomach and sat down again.

Hayden looked around the dirty bathroom. Graffiti and phone numbers with lurid suggestions littered the walls. Just above Miss Spencer’s head was a drawing of a penis with hairy testicles and outstretched cartoonish arms chasing another penis that apparently didn’t want to get caught. Used paper towels and something yellow and rubbery had been tossed on the floor behind the toilet. Just being in here gave Hayden the willies.

“We’ve got to get you out of here,” she said. “Do you think you can walk?”

Miss Spencer stood but wobbled. She grasped the toilet paper dispenser and held on for dear life. She collapsed against the tiled wall when it came off in her hand.

“Wait here. I’m going to get Calli to help us.” Hayden left the bathroom in search of Calli.

“Come on, I need your help. I’ve got to get her out of here and take her home. She can’t even stand up. Will you help me?”

“I suppose.” Calli downed the last of her beer and followed Hayden into the bathroom.

“Pew, it reeks in here,” Calli said as she swung the door open. Hayden flashed her a look that said, “Shut up.” Each girl took a side as they draped Miss Spencer’s arms over their shoulders for support and successfully walked her out of the bathroom. They continued through the crowded bar and into the fresh air of the parking lot.

“Aw, that feels so good,” Miss Spencer said as the cool night air hit her face.

“Now what?” Calli asked, turning to Hayden.

“Well, she can’t drive in this condition. We’ve got to take her home,” Hayden whispered.

“Great.” Calli looked annoyed. She turned toward the bar’s entrance as if she were expecting someone she knew to walk through.

“Miss Spencer, I don’t think you should be driving. Tell me where you live, and we’ll take you home.”

All of a sudden, tears welled in Miss Spencer’s eyes. She started to cry again, and sobs shook her body.

Hayden looked over at Calli, who rolled her eyes.

“Miss Spencer, can you tell me where you live?” Calli shouted as if Miss Spencer were deaf and not drunk.

“I’m staying at the Holiday Inn on Route 832.”

“Okay, I think I know where that is. It’s pretty close to Waldameer, right?”

Miss Spencer nodded as Hayden and Calli balanced her between them and walked her to their car. Hayden unlocked the Civic, and she and Calli helped her into the tiny backseat. Miss Spencer lay down and tucked her long legs underneath her to fit inside.

“What about her car?” Calli asked.

Hayden thought for a moment. “I hate to leave it here. What if someone breaks into it or steals it or something?”

Calli’s face split into a wide grin. “I’d be happy to drive it home for her. All I need is her keys.”

Hayden turned around to ask Miss Spencer for the keys. “She’s out cold.”

Calli climbed into the backseat of the Civic and gave Miss Spencer a pat-down that would have made any TSA agent proud. “Got ’em.” Calli pulled the keys from Miss Spencer’s front pocket.

*******

Hayden watched Calli sprint across the parking lot to the Mustang. She shook her head when she heard the engine rev. She turned back to check on Miss Spencer again, then headed toward the Holiday Inn.

Hayden drove into the night as a million thoughts ran through her head. The one that stuck with her most was, what could have been so terrible that Miss Spencer would drink herself into a stupor?

Hayden saw the yellow-and-green-lighted sign and turned into the lot. She drove around the front of the hotel and parked under the lighted canopy. The many miniature light bulbs in the ceiling reminded Hayden of the pictures she saw in Life magazine of Broadway in New York City.

Hayden checked her rearview mirror and was relieved when she saw Calli was still behind her. It wouldn’t surprise her one bit if Calli took off for a joyride in that cool car. A tiny bit of envy pinged in Hayden’s heart.

While Calli parked, Hayden reached back and tried to wake up Miss Spencer. “Miss Spencer…Miss Spencer…we’re here…wake up.”

Calli opened the passenger side door. “Jesus, she’s still out.”

“I know.” Hayden looked toward the hotel entrance, gauging how far it was and if she and Calli could carry Miss Spencer there.

“What are you gonna do now?”

“We can’t just leave her in the parking lot. I’m going to have to take her inside. I might need your help. Then once we get her in her room, we can leave.”

Calli glanced toward the backseat. “I hope her room’s on the first floor.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Well, let’s do this.” Calli looked at Hayden.

Hayden reached into the backseat and touched Miss Spencer’s arm in one last attempt to wake her. “Miss Spencer…Miss Spencer…wake up.”

She didn’t move.

“Crap.” Hayden opened the car door and got out. Before she turned around, Calli had pushed the front seat forward and practically got into the backseat. “Miss Spencer!” Calli shook her former teacher by the shoulder. “Miss Spencer, wake up!”

Miss Spencer stirred. She half opened her eyes, then closed them again.

“Miss Spencer!” Calli was now shouting.

“What?” Miss Spencer sat up with a start and smacked her head on the roof of the car. She rubbed her head where she hit it and looked around. Her hair was a tousled, snarled mess. She startled when she saw Hayden and Calli looking at her. “Where am I?”

“We’ve brought you back to your hotel. I didn’t think you should be driving,” Hayden said.

Miss Spencer looked around, squinting. The bright lights appeared to hurt her eyes. By the look on her face, it was coming back to her. That was when the tears started anew.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Calli said. “Here we go again.”

“Calli, you’re not helping.”

“Well, I don’t want to be stuck with her all frickin’ night.”

Hayden ignored Calli’s comment. “Miss Spencer, we’ve got to get you out of the car. Do you think you can stand?”

She looked blankly at Hayden as tears streamed down her face.

Hayden looked up at Calli, who shrugged. She opened the glove box and pulled out a couple of fast food napkins. She handed them to Hayden, who passed them on to Miss Spencer.

Miss Spencer blubbered something inaudible about “you girls” as she swiped at her eyes. A few minutes later, she took a deep breath and struggled to get out of the cramped backseat. When she got herself free, she stood on the asphalt on wobbly legs.

Miss Spencer took another deep breath. “Okay…I’ll be okay. You girls go on home now, it must be late. ”

“Are you sure you’re all right?” Hayden asked.

Calli shot her a look. “She’s fine, let her go.”

Miss Spencer placed her hand on the hood of the car and steadied herself. “Yes, I’m fine.”

Hayden and Calli leaned against the car as they watched Miss Spencer walk away, trying to maneuver from the parking lot to the hotel. She looked like a pinball bouncing from car to car to steady herself, and she crisscrossed the parking lot trying to find the hotel entrance.

“Hayden, you better go get her,” Calli said. “She totally missed the front entrance and is about to let herself into the valet parking booth.”

“I’m on it.” Hayden sprinted to the rescue. She took Miss Spencer by the hand and walked her back to the car.

“Wait here while I take her to her room,” Hayden said.

Calli let out a sigh. “I don’t know about you, but I’m done here.”

“What do you mean you’re done? Can’t you wait five more minutes until I get her to her room?”

“This is bullshit. I want to have a good time and not babysit someone who can’t hold their liquor.”

“Jesus, Calli, after all the crap you’ve put me through, the least you can do is wait for me.”

Calli pushed off the car and started walking toward the road.

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t wait up.”

“But…how are you going to get home?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll find a way.”

Hayden couldn’t believe Calli would just take off and leave her here. Not only did she still have Miss Spencer to deal with, now she had to worry about something happening to Calli. And what if something terrible happened to Calli? She didn’t know anyone in Erie.

Hayden’s head throbbed. She was exhausted by all the drama, but she still had Miss Spencer to contend with. She looked over and found her sitting on the curb next to the Civic, holding her head in her hands. Her blond hair spilled into her lap.

Hayden took her by the arm. “Come on, Miss Spencer, let’s get you inside. Can you tell me your room number?”

Miss Spencer stuffed her hand into the front of her jeans and pulled out a dark green key ring with the number 223 printed in white. She handed it to Hayden.

Hayden tugged her upright by both arms, and they slowly made their way into the hotel and through the brightly lit lobby.

“Do you know where your room is?”

“It’s on the second floor. I think the elevator is over there around the corner.”

The night clerk watched as the two women made their way to the elevator. Hayden prayed that he wouldn’t stop them or, worse yet, try to help them. She was totally embarrassed as it was without having to explain the situation to a total stranger.

They made it to the elevator, and thankfully, no one was there when they got on. Hayden pressed the button for the second floor. As the elevator lifted, Miss Spencer covered her mouth with her hand.

“You doing okay?”

She nodded, but Hayden sensed she was lying. The elevator doors slid open, depositing them onto the second floor. Hayden found Room 223 and opened the door. Hayden walked in and flipped on the light. She was taken aback by what she saw. Either the Holiday Inn maid service was on strike or Miss Spencer wasn’t into keeping a tidy room. It looked like a bomb went off in there. Two large suitcases sat on the floor in front of a metal TV stand. Clothes were strewn on the floor, the chairs, and the air conditioner unit. Fast food restaurant bags and mismatched shoes littered the floor. In the middle of the round wooden table that was present in every Holiday Inn sat a red leather makeup case the size of a microwave oven. Most of its contents—eye shadow, lipstick tubes, and an assortment of lotions and creams—spilled over onto the tabletop. One of the two double beds was unmade; the sheets bunched up in the middle made it look like someone was hiding under there.

Miss Spencer walked over and collapsed onto the unmade bed. A few seconds later, she bolted upright.

“What’s wrong?” Hayden asked again.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Miss Spencer tried to stand, but she plopped back down. She lay back and draped her arm across her eyes. Hayden picked up a plastic wastebasket and brought it over to the bed. By the looks of things, there was no way Miss Spencer was going to make it to the bathroom in time.

As Miss Spencer retched over the wastebasket, Hayden stood motionless at the bedside, not knowing what to do next. In the dim light of the hotel room, even with all the retching and funky smells, she found herself wanting to put her arms around Miss Spencer and comfort her, but she knew that would be inappropriate.

As soon as Miss Spencer’s dry heaves seemed to subside, Hayden went into the bathroom and wet a washcloth with cold water. She wiped Miss Spencer’s mouth and forehead. Miss Spencer let out a soft low moan.

“Hayden, I don’t know how to thank you for this.” Miss Spencer closed her eyes and a few minutes later appeared to be fast asleep.

Hayden stood at her bedside and watched her sleep. Miss Spencer was a beautiful woman, Hayden thought. What could have happened to make her do this to herself? Was she in love with someone and they didn’t love her back? And who wouldn’t love her? If she were Hayden’s, she would treat her like a queen. She would never do anything to make her cry.

*******

After a while, Miss Spencer started to snore. Now that she was asleep, Hayden wondered if it was safe to leave her alone in this condition. Maybe now that she was safe in bed, she would sleep it off. But Hayden remembered a story her mother told her in one of Sara’s “Evils of drugs and alcohol speeches” about a girl named Karen Ann Quinlan who in the 1970s got so drunk that she fell asleep, choked on her own vomit, and ended up a vegetable. She certainly didn’t want that to happen to Miss Spencer, so she pushed a pile of clothes off a wooden desk chair, pulled it closer to the bed, and stayed until the silvery light of dawn peeked around the heavy blackout drapes.                

The desk chair creaked as Hayden got up to leave, and Abbey awoke with a start.

“Who? What?” Abbey sat up and looked around the room. Suddenly, she saw Hayden, and things started coming back to her.

“Shh…it’s okay. I’m sorry for waking you, but I was just about to leave. I have to get home and get ready for work. Calli and I are starting a new job at Waldameer.”

“Oh, Hayden, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get so involved in this…mess.” Abbey fell back onto her pillows. Her head was pounding. She closed her eyes, but each time she did, the room started spinning. She hated herself for letting Hayden see her like this. She hated Ann for making her feel so worthless. Thinking about Ann made her throat tight.

Hayden sat on the bed next to her. “Miss Spencer, is there something I can do, or is there someone I can call that maybe will help you feel better?”

Abbey swallowed the sadness that stuck in her throat.  “No, not really,” she said in a low, husky voice.

“I just wish there was more I could do.”

“Well, for one thing, you can call me Abbey. I’m not your teacher anymore, and I surely don’t deserve the respect you’ve shown me through all this.”

“That’s not true,” Hayden said. “I’ll always have respect for you. You were one of my favorite teachers, and if it weren’t for you, I’d never have gotten into Mercyhurst.”

The mention of Mercyhurst brought back thoughts of Ann. Sadness clouded Abbey’s face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hayden asked.

“Talk about what?”

“What’s made you so sad. My mom always said if you keep something inside, it will brew and fester, but if you let it out in the light, you can see it and deal with it, and it never is as bad as you might think.”

“Your mom is a pretty smart woman.” Abbey tried to pull herself together.

Hayden returned to her seat in the desk chair, and Abbey sat up, her back supported by the headboard of the bed and several pillows. She reached over and grabbed several Kleenexes from the box on the nightstand. She blew a loud honk into the tissues. She dabbed at her eyes as she thought about the best way to explain to Hayden what had brought all this on.

“I lost someone I loved very dearly,” Abbey said.

“Did they die?”

“No, they didn’t die, although it feels that way sometimes.”

“Oh. Was it one of your parents? Brother or sister?”

“No, honey, it wasn’t a relative. It was a…very good friend.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thank you.” Abbey looked at Hayden. She couldn’t believe the level of maturity this girl had. Someone raised her right. “Hayden, you’re a good kid. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come along.”

“It’s okay. Wouldn’t you have done the same for me?”

“Absolutely.” Abbey felt a warm wave of gratitude spread inside of her. “You know what? I’m feeling better, and you better get going. I don’t want you to be late on the first day of your new job.”

“Are you sure you’ll be all right?”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you very much for taking care of me.”

“You’re welcome, Miss Spencer. I mean, Abbey.”

Chapter Twelve

It was six in the morning by the time Hayden got home. Before going to her room, she checked to see if Calli made it home. Calli’s door was shut, and a faint yellow light spilled out under the bottom of the door. Feeling better knowing Calli was home safe, she went to her room, undressed, and stretched across her bed to catch some sleep before she had to get ready for work.

 Hayden couldn’t stop thinking about Abbey and who the friend was she lost and who had her so upset to the point where she tried to drown her sadness in alcohol. Hayden sat up in the narrow roll-away bed and hugged her knees to her chest.

During high school, Hayden looked up to Miss Spencer. Actually, she idolized her the way some kids idolize their teachers, like they were more than human. Hayden thought she was beautiful and smart and sophisticated. But seeing her like she did made her realize Miss Spencer was no different than anyone else. She suffered pain and disappointments, too.

Hayden pulled on her cotton bathrobe and padded out to the kitchen. She filled the glass Mr. Coffee carafe with cold water to make the day’s first pot. Within minutes, the delicious aroma of fresh-brewed coffee filled the tiny kitchen. Hayden filled the cup and added three teaspoons of sugar as she sat at the secondhand breakfast set that came with the rented bungalow. Early morning sunlight warmed the kitchen as Hayden drank her coffee. She looked at the clock on the stove. If Calli wasn’t up by seven thirty, Hayden would have to go in and wake her up, a task she dreaded. Calli was not a morning person.

Hayden finished her coffee and headed into the shower, half hoping the noise would wake Calli. She finished her shower, wrapped herself in a towel, and headed down the hall to Calli’s room. She tapped on the door. “Calli, you up?”

No response. Hayden knocked again. “Calli, come on, it’s time to get up and ready for work. We need to leave soon.”

Hayden turned the glass crystal doorknob and let herself into Calli’s room.

“Hayden! What are you doing?” Calli shrieked, covering her nakedness with the bed sheet.

 Hayden jumped back and closed the door behind her. Her heart pounded. Seeing Calli half naked wasn’t the disturbing part. The disturbing part was that Calli wasn’t alone.

 Hayden ran back to her bedroom and locked her door. Even though Calli talked a good game, Hayden assumed that because she was a virgin, Calli was, too. But by the look of what was going on in there, Hayden was dead wrong.

Hayden sat motionless on the bed and listened to the hurried footsteps in the kitchen. The back door opened, there were muffled voices, and the door slammed shut. Seconds later, there were more footsteps, then the shower in the bathroom came on. It wasn’t until then that she felt safe to come out of her room.

Fifteen minutes later, Calli emerged from the bathroom, her short hair spiky and still wet and her gingerbread uniform on.

“You want to tell me who that was?” Hayden fixed her stare on Calli, who refused to make eye contact.

Calli walked over to the Mr. Coffee and poured herself a cup. She ripped open a box of cherry Pop-Tarts and took one out. She sat at the table across from Hayden before she answered. “No, not really.”

“You can’t be bringing strange guys here. Who knows what can happen. We could get robbed, we could get raped, what were you thinking?”

Calli took another bite of Pop-Tart and a sip of coffee. “Trust me. I wouldn’t let something like that happen. I’m careful.”

“Careful! You let a stranger into our house in the middle of the night. Are you crazy?”

Calli finished her Pop-Tart and drained her coffee cup. “Hay, you worry too much. Nothing’s going to happen.” She set her cup in the sink. “Ready to go?”

On the inside, Hayden was fuming. Not only did Calli abandon her to take care of Abbey on her own, she went and picked up some stranger and did God knows what with him in their home. Hayden grabbed her backpack from the hook by the back door, and they headed out for long, hot day at the park.

Hayden drove in silence, her anger churning inside of her.

Calli finally broke the silence. “Is that how it’s going to be, you’re not going to talk to me all day?”

“I’m sorry, but what you did was wrong. Something terrible could have happened. You don’t think sometimes, you know?”

“I can’t always be perfect like you.”

“What do you mean, perfect?”

“You always have to do the right thing. Sometimes, I want to do what I want to do, no matter if it’s the right thing or not.”

“I understand what you’re saying, but don’t you think that can be dangerous?”

“You know, once in a while, you got to live on the edge. Life’s too boring sometimes. You got to take chances every now and then to keep it exciting.”

“But what if something happens, what if…”

“What if what?”

“What if you get pregnant?”

Calli laughed. “I’m not going to get pregnant.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because we didn’t…you know…” Calli turned her head toward the passenger window. “Go all the way.”

“What? I didn’t hear you.” Hayden looked over at her friend.

“I’m no fool. I know where babies come from. And that’s the last thing I want.”

Hayden felt relieved that Calli had at least acted responsibly.

Hayden pulled the Civic into the Waldameer parking lot and parked in the second row of the employee lot. The polyester gingerbread uniform already clung to her back as they walked up to the employees’ office and found their names on the schedule.

“Funnel cake booth? Crap!” Calli said. “It’s already ninety degrees out here. We’ll die from heatstroke. Anyway, I don’t know anything about making funnel cakes.”

“It can’t be that bad. Can it?” Hayden said.

“I thought we’d get to work in the cotton candy or candy apple booth, something cool like that,” Calli said as they headed down the asphalt path toward the funnel cake booth. “Nobody looks cool selling greasy old funnel cakes. My makeup will melt. ”

The funnel cake booth was sandwiched between the Tilt-A-Whirl and the Scrambler. The small booth looked like a gingerbread house straight out of a Hansel and Gretel fairy tale. Inside the booth, standing in front of two deep fryers full of hot grease, was an older woman dressed like Calli and Hayden. She eyed the girls as they walked in.

“Hi, I’m Hayden, and this is Calli. We’re supposed to work here today.”

“Hello, I’m—”

“Let me guess. You’re the witch who tried to eat Hansel and Gretel,” Calli said.

“Calli!” Hayden turned toward the woman. “I’m sorry. She’s not a morning person.” Hayden extended her hand to the woman. “You are?”

The woman looked down at Hayden’s hand and stepped back. “Peggy. I’ll be showing you how to make funnel cakes this morning.”

Peggy bent down and heaved a twenty-pound sack of flour onto the wooden table that sat in the middle of the booth. She took a large kitchen knife and splayed the top of the sack open like she was gutting a deer. Puffs of white flour filled the air.

Calli stepped closer to Hayden and whispered, “Wow, don’t fuck with Peggy. She really knows how to handle a knife.”

“Stop it!” Hayden tried hard to suppress a laugh. Calli could be so inappropriate sometimes. “You’re going to get us fired before we even start.” Hayden turned her attention back to Peggy, who was filling five-cup-sized metal measuring cups with flour.

“First we use twenty cups of flour.” Peggy dumped the flour into a large stainless steel vat. “Then we add in twenty eggs along with two gallons of milk. Then we add four cups of sugar and about a cup of salt.” Peggy stirred the mixture with what looked like a boat oar. Hayden and Calli exchanged glances. This looked like hard work.

“You have to keep stirring until all the ingredients are incorporated.” Peggy raised her arm and wiped away the sweat that dripped from her brow. Because of the hot oil in the deep fryers, the temperature in the booth was twenty degrees hotter than outside. Hayden looked over at Callie and could actually see her midnight-blue eye shadow melt off.

Once Peggy was done mixing, she walked over to the fryer to check the temperature. “The oil has to be three hundred twenty-five degrees. No more, no less.” She took a spoonful of the batter and flung it into the hot oil. Immediately, it sizzled and bubbled. The blob of wet dough turned golden brown and floated to the surface. “See, this is perfect.”

After making the batter and testing the oil, she showed the girls how to use the funnel to make the cakes. She filled the funnel with batter, then swirled the batter around in the hot oil to make what looked like fried dough doilies. She made Hayden and Calli try their hand at it.

“That vat of batter should last you a few hours. Once it gets down to a half, you better start to mix up a new batch,” Peggy said.

“That will be your job,” Calli told Hayden. “I don’t want any part of that mess. I’ll make the funnel cakes.” She filled the funnel and swirled it in the oil. “This part is kind of fun.”

As the day went on, the crowds grew larger. Hayden couldn’t figure out for the life of her why anyone would put a greasy fried cake booth in between two rides that were infamous for making people throw up. But that didn’t seem to be a deterrent for the people who stood in line, sometimes three or four people deep, for the fried dough covered in powdered sugar.

Calli had gotten into a groove, turning out some really interesting funnel cake designs. Hayden also noticed that when any cute guys came up to buy a cake, Calli somehow managed to draw her initials into the cake design. It wouldn’t have surprised Hayden one bit if Calli had found a way to include her phone number, as well.

There was an apple dumpling emergency at the apple dumpling booth over by The Comet, the wooden roller coaster. (Really, who made the decision about where to put these food booths?) Peggy was summoned to the call through the walkie-talkie that was hooked on to the lace ruffled belt of her uniform.

“Do you think you two can handle the customers while I take care of this?” Peggy asked.

“Sure, we’ll be fine,” Hayden said.

Peggy ducked under the wood plank that served as the countertop for their booth. Without looking back, she left Hayden and Calli to fend for themselves.

 A lukewarm breeze fluttered through the booth as Hayden took inventory of their supplies of flour, eggs, and sugar. When the vat of batter got low, Hayden picked up one of the twenty-pound sacks of flour and sliced it open. It was harder to do than it looked. She poured cup fulls of flour into one of the stainless steel pots. A white cloud of flour puffed up from the pot and clung to her damp skin. She added the wet ingredients and stirred the batter. Calli continued with her funnel cake artistry.

After the batter was made, Hayden counted out ten-, five-, and one-dollar bills as she balanced the cash drawer and prepared the first money bag pickup of the day. In between rushes of customers, Calli wiped off the counters and filled the powdered sugar containers without her usual sarcasm or complaining.

Hayden pushed the cash drawer closed. “You doing okay?”

“Huh?”

“You’re pretty quiet this morning. Is something bothering you?”

“No, I’m fine.” Calli lifted the box of powdered sugar to fill another canister and dumped the entire box into the canister and all over the counter.

“Shit!” She brushed the white powder off the counter and onto the cement floor.

“What are you doing?”

“This shit spilled all over.”

“Well, don’t keep spreading it. Here.” Hayden handed her a damp dishtowel. She grabbed a broom and dustpan and swept up the sugar that fell on the floor.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Something seems to be bothering you.”

Calli turned her back to Hayden. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Fear made Hayden’s heart jump. “Did something happen last night that you’re not telling me?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous.”

Fine, if that’s the way she wanted it, she’d mind her own business. Customers started to trickle in again. Hayden waited on them, grateful for the distraction.

The afternoon sun bore down on the midway, causing the temperature in the funnel cake booth to rise to nearly one hundred degrees. Hayden could feel her uniform pitting out. Only six more hours to go.

“I’m going on a smoke break.” Calli grabbed her purse from under the makeshift sink.

“Smoke break? When did you start smoking?”

“Last night.” Calli opened her blue jean purse and pulled out a box of Marlboro Reds.

“What’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like now that you’re away from home, you’re going wild. First with the drinking, now smoking. What’s the deal?”

Calli untied the strings of her apron and lifted it over her head. “Nothing! I’m just trying to live my life. And quit acting like my mother, for Christ sake. It’s like I never left home.”

“Okay, okay. Forget I asked. Go on your smoke break. Do whatever you want.”

Hayden waited on a few more customers. She was making change at the cash drawer when she heard a familiar voice in the crowd.

“Hello, Hayden.”

Hayden glanced up from the cash register, and her heart flung against her chest. There stood Abbey. She looked a little better than she did the night before. Maybe she got some sleep, but it was hard to tell because of the mirrored aviator sunglasses she had on.

“What brings you out here?” Hayden said.

Abbey looked around nervously. “I came to apologize for my behavior last night.”

Hayden’s heart continued to flutter. She wondered why this happened when Abbey was near. “You apologized last night. Anyway, it was no big deal. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Well, I just wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me. If it weren’t for you, I might have gone off and done something really stupid.”

“That’s okay. Like I said last night, you probably would have done the same for me if you had found me in the same predicament.”

“That’s true, but something tells me you wouldn’t have gotten yourself into that kind of predicament. You’re a very responsible girl.”

Hayden smiled. Abbey smiled back.

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

Hayden blushed. “Oh, you don’t have to do that, really.”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. What time do you get off work?”

“I’m supposed to be done around six o’clock.”

“Great, how about this—The Mercyhurst Drama Guild is putting on Grease tonight at the Taylor Little Theatre. How would you like to go see it with me? My treat.”

Hayden’s smile broadened.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Abbey said. “It will give me a chance to show you around the campus, too.”

“Yes, that sounds like fun.”

“Great. If you tell me where you’re staying, I can pick you up.”

“Calli and I are staying in a bungalow off East Lake Road.”

“Close to Presque Isle?”

“Yes, right before you get to the entrance of the park.”

Abbey pulled a napkin from the metal holder on the counter. She took a pen out of her purse and handed it to Hayden. “Here, write down your address. I’ll pick you up at seven. The show starts at seven forty-five.”

Hayden wrote down the address and handed the pen and the napkin back to Abbey. Abbey looked at the napkin and smiled. “Great. It’s a date then.”

Hayden’s heart jumped again. “Yes, I guess it is.”

“See you tonight.” Abbey turned and disappeared into the crowd.

Hayden couldn’t stop smiling. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy. She wondered if everyone could see what was going on inside of her.

Calli returned from her smoke break in a much better mood. “Anything exciting happen while I was gone?”

Hayden was going to tell Calli about Abbey stopping by, but she decided to keep it to herself for a while and relish it before she told Calli, who would probably make fun of her for even considering the offer.

Hayden looked up and found Calli staring at her. “What?”

“Where were you just then?” Calli tied her apron strings around her neck.

“Nowhere.” Hayden grabbed a dishrag and wiped off the counter in front of her. Now she was being just as secretive as Calli. Why was it so difficult for her to share the things that were closest to her heart with Calli anymore? After all, they were best friends.

Hayden was busy waiting on customers, so Calli went into the back of the booth and started mixing up more funnel cake batter. After the crowd had slowed, Hayden went in the back, too.

“Need any help?”

“No, I got it, thanks.” Calli stirred the thick batter.

Hayden leaned against the counter and watched Calli work. She wondered what was going on with her—first drinking, then smoking. And why was she being so cranky? But the thing that really bothered her was that Calli, who usually wore her heart on her sleeve, had totally clammed up.

“You doing okay?” Hayden asked.

Calli looked up. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her wrist. “It’s hotter than hell in here. You’d think they could at least get us a fan or something.”

“I don’t mean here. I mean, did something happen last night that upset you?”

Calli stopped stirring. “Nothing happened. Stop asking me.”

“It’s just…well, you used to tell me everything…and you had that guy in your room last night…”

“So I’m not allowed to have friends over? Is that it?”

“No, that’s not it at all.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m just afraid for your safety. You didn’t even know this person, and you brought him home.”

“I didn’t do anything last night I haven’t done before. I’m a big girl, and even though you may find it hard to believe, I can take care of myself.” Calli finished stirring the batter. “I think what’s bothering you is that I’m not like you, Miss Goody Two-shoes, who always does the right thing.”

Hayden looked down at her batter-splattered shoes.

The comment felt like a kick in the stomach. She had thought their differences made them better friends, now she wasn’t so sure. Before she left for Erie, her mother told her not to be surprised if she and Calli started seeing things differently. She said sometimes you don’t really know someone until you live with them. Hayden was already starting to believe her mother was right.

Hayden dropped the subject. She walked back to the front of the booth and began filling the metal napkin holders. A few minutes later, Calli came up front.

“Hay, I’m sorry I said that about you.”

Hayden continued to fill the boxes with white paper napkins.

“Even though we’re best friends, we’re different. You always seem to do the right thing, and I always seem to…well, not. I mean, look at last night, how you stood by and took care of Miss Spencer. She was our teacher, for crying out loud. You took care of her and got her safely back to her hotel room. Not me. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.”

Hayden set down the last box of napkins and looked at Calli. “Miss Spencer stopped by here while you were gone.”

“Oh. How’s she doing?”

“Better, I think. She asked me if I wanted to go see a play at Mercyhurst with her tonight. She said she wanted to repay me for taking care of her.”

“See, you’re a good person.”

“Do you think it’s all right if I go?”

“Sure, why not?”

“I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right. I guess I’m still stuck on the fact that she was our teacher.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. Anyway, school’s out. It’s time to have some fun.”

Hayden shrugged. Even though she thought Calli’s devil-may-care outlook on things was a bit irresponsible at times, she sometimes wished she could be as carefree as Calli.

Chapter Thirteen

An afternoon thunderstorm rolled in off the lake, clearing out the heavy humidity and leaving a glossy sheen on the streets and sidewalks. But by the time Abbey reached Hayden’s bungalow at seven sharp, the humidity was back with a vengeance.

Abbey knocked on the door. A few seconds later, Hayden appeared.

“Hi. Ready to go?” Abbey smiled, and Hayden’s heart did its usual fluttering.

Abbey was wearing a red shell with white cotton slacks and buffalo sandals. Her hair was tied back in a neat ponytail, and her sunglasses were propped on her head.

“Yep.” Hayden closed the door of the bungalow behind her.

“This is a cute place,” Abbey said. “I’ve been by here many times and didn’t know these were back here. How did you ever find them?”

“My mom found it through an ad in our newspaper at home. She called and made all the arrangements.”

Abbey opened the passenger door for Hayden. Hayden looked surprised at the gesture but then slid onto the red leather passenger seat of the Mustang, and Abbey shut the door.

Abbey got in behind the wheel and started the car. “How’s your mom doing back home without you? I’m sure she misses you.”

“I talked to her yesterday. She wanted me to call when we reached Erie. She’s okay. Working a lot, but that’s typical for her.”

“I’ve only met her a few times, but in the conversations I’ve had with her, I could tell she’s really proud of you.”

“Yes, I guess so. She was pretty excited when I got the scholarship to Mercyhurst. She thought it was great that you helped me with it.”

“I didn’t do anything, really. Your good grades got you that.”

“Anyway, I know she appreciates what you did.”

“Next time you talk to her, tell her I said hello.”

“I will.” Hayden looked out the window at the scenery. It felt strange being in the car alone with Abbey.

“How was the rest of your afternoon at Waldameer?” Abbey asked as she drove across town to the university.

“The storm really thinned the crowd. So the last few hours were pretty boring.”

“Do you like working there so far?”

“It’s okay. It’s not something I’d want to do for the rest of my life.”

“How’s Calli doing?”

 Hayden thought for a moment. “Calli…is Calli.”

“Oh? I hear something a little more in that response.”

“Calli has a bug up her butt about something lately, but she won’t tell me about it.”

“What do you think it is?”

“I don’t know. She’s hard to read sometimes.”

“I agree with that.” Abbey steered the car through the crowded parking lot, looking for a space.

“What do you mean?”

“From having Calli as a student…I see things.”

“You do?” Hayden was surprised by this. She didn’t think the teachers paid much attention to their students other than their grades or their behavior in class.

“Uh-huh. If I remember correctly, Calli was a pretty good attention seeker. She seemed to thrive on controversy and the attention that brought.” Abbey parked the car and turned off the ignition.

“You got that right.” Hayden opened her door and stepped out. She followed Abbey across the lot to the entrance for the theater. The lobby was packed with what appeared to be students and faculty.

Abbey stepped over to the box office window. “Hi, Michelle, two, please, for Grease.”

“Hey, Abbey, how are you doing?” Michelle, one of Ann’s third-year students, was working the ticket booth. Michelle starred in the previous year’s production of Macbeth. She was a convincing Lady Macbeth with her long, straight jet black hair and pale complexion. Michelle punched two buttons on the stainless steel counter and up popped two tickets.

“Enjoy the show. Say hello to Professor White for me.” Michelle slid the tickets over to Abbey.

Abbey cringed. She glanced over at Hayden as she slid a twenty-dollar bill under the glass window of the ticket booth. “Thanks,” Abbey said and quickly left the window.

 Hayden pulled a ten-dollar bill out of her pocket. “I can pay for my ticket.” She tried to hand Abbey the money.

“No, I told you this is my treat.” Abbey pushed Hayden’s hand away. “Anyway, I owe you for all you did for me last night.”

“Who’s Professor White?” Hayden asked as they stepped away from the ticket booth. “One of your former teachers?”

 Abbey handed Hayden her ticket. She looked around the crowded lobby to see if anyone else she knew was close by. “Um…I’ll explain later, okay?”

Hayden nodded and followed Abbey. “Well, if you won’t let me pay for my ticket, can I at least buy you something to snack on during the show?” Hayden pulled out her ten-dollar bill again.

“Okay, I’ll take a box of Junior Mints.”

“Junior Mints it is.”

Hayden looked up at Abbey and Abbey smiled. Hayden bought a box of Junior Mints for Abbey and a box of Sno-Caps for herself from the Drama Guild, which was selling snacks from a card table in the lobby. She followed Abbey into the crowded, dimly lit theater. Apparently, a lot of folks sought this air-conditioned refuge from the summer humidity. The only two seats they could find together were in the middle of the center row. They made their way to the seats and sat just as the show began.

*******

Sitting in the dark theater with Abbey close beside her, Hayden found it hard to pay attention to what was on the stage. The seats were close, and on occasion, Hayden would feel Abbey’s bare arm brush against hers, which sent a jolt of electricity through Hayden’s core. Abbey was so close Hayden could smell the rose and sandalwood scent of her perfume. Hayden felt as if she were in heaven.

*******

The opening song of Grease where Danny Zuko and Sandy Olsen were standing on a makeshift beach started when Abbey looked over a few rows and saw a familiar face. She squinted to get a better look.

A war of emotions raged inside of her. She hyperventilated and grew tense at the sight of Ann and Jack sitting together.   Abbey was infuriated because she knew Ann was not a fan of public displays of affection, but she appeared quite comfortable sitting there with Jackson’s arm around her shoulder. Something she never would have thought of doing with Abbey. It took everything Abbey had not to walk over to Ann and choke her. She tried to compose herself and concentrate on the play. After all, she was here with one of her former students, so this was no time to make a scene. Especially after her bad behavior the previous night, Hayden would think Abbey was certifiable if she went off on her ex-lover in public.

Abbey slouched down in her seat so she couldn’t see Ann and turned her attention back to the play. She opened her box of Junior Mints and popped one into her mouth. The cool minty flavor filled her mouth. She settled back in her seat and began to feel calmer. Danny and Sandy had burst into the duet of Summer Nights, and Abbey was starting to cool off.

Her breathing had returned to normal by the time The Pink Ladies, one of whom Abbey recognized as Derek Freeman, the president of the Drama Guild, who actually made a pretty convincing woman, decided to reunite Danny and Sandy.

Abbey glanced over at Hayden, who seemed to be engrossed in the play. She envied Hayden, being so young and not having to deal with lost love.

The production continued. Danny met Sandy at the Frosty Palace, the ice cream parlor that served as the local teens’ hangout, and tried to apologize for his poor behavior.

Even Danny Zuko had the decency to admit he was wrong, why couldn’t Ann? Did I mean so little to her that she could just walk away from me and into another relationship without missing a beat? Abbey’s throat tightened as she couldn’t stop thinking about the incident at Ann’s office among Ann and her and Jack. Suddenly, she regretted coming here. She took slow deep breaths through her nose and out her mouth because someone told her that would make the choking feeling go away.

Abbey looked at Hayden again. Hayden turned and Abbey offered her a brief smile. She leaned over to Hayden. “What do you think of the show?”

“I like it. I like the music especially.”

“Me too” was all Abbey could manage to say. She straightened up in her seat and tried again to concentrate on the stage production. She popped a few more Junior Mints, but they seemed to stick in her throat. She started to cough.

“Are you okay?” Hayden whispered.

Abbey nodded but continued to cough. She pointed to her throat. “Went down the wrong pipe.”

Hayden stood. “I’ll get you something to drink.”

Abbey grabbed Hayden’s arm and pulled her down into her seat a little too roughly, causing a racket. “No, that’s okay. I’ll be fine in a minute.”

Embarrassed by the commotion, Abbey slid down in her seat. The people sitting in front of them turned around, looking annoyed by the ruckus. “Sorry,” she whispered.

Out of the corner of her eye, Abbey saw that Ann had turned around, as well, to see what was going on, but she couldn’t be sure whether Ann had seen her. Finally, Danny and Sandy reunited after whatever misunderstanding they had and sang You Are the One That I Want. Rizzo screamed from a trapeze at the top of the stage that she wasn’t pregnant after all, and everyone sang the big finale, We Go Together. Everybody on stage waved goodbye, and the curtain closed to thundering applause.

The house lights went on, and Abbey was desperate to get out of the theater without confronting Ann and Jack. Hayden blinked and looked startled as Abbey grabbed her hand. “Come on, I know a shortcut.” She led Hayden down the far left side of the theater to a side door with a red illuminated exit light above it. Abbey looked back one more time and saw Ann standing behind Jack in the aisle. She was watching Abbey and Hayden with her disapproving teacher face. Abbey pushed the metal bar on the door, and the two stepped into the pink, fading sunlight.

Once outside, Abbey let go of Hayden’s hand. She strode across the parking lot to her car with Hayden close behind her.

“What was that all about?” Hayden tried to keep up with Abbey.

“There was someone in there I didn’t want to run in to.” Abbey unlocked her car door, stretched across the front seat, and pulled up the button lock on Hayden’s door. She already had the motor running by the time Hayden got in. Abbey put the car in gear and screeched the tires on her way out of the parking lot.

“Wow, you must really not want to see that person,” Hayden said as she looked out the passenger side window.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m all right, but you’re not. What’s got you so upset?”

Abbey pulled up to a red light and finally caught her breath. “I’ve acted like a total idiot tonight, and you have the decency to still be concerned about me.”

“What’s going on? Who’s this person you’re trying to avoid?”

The light changed from red to green, and Abbey pulled ahead. She wondered how many lines she was crossing by having her former student here and how many more lines she would cross by telling her what was going on. If she was going to have this conversation, she would need some courage—liquid courage—to do it. She pulled the Mustang into the parking lot of a place called Scooter’s. “Wait here a minute. I’ll be right back.”

Abbey hurried into the bar. She wedged herself between the other patrons and waved a ten-dollar bill at the bartender. “Six-pack of Bud to go, please.” A few minutes later, she emerged with the beer.

“What’s this for?” Hayden asked as she accepted the six-pack from Abbey.

“I don’t know about you, but I need a drink.” Abbey put the car in gear and backed out of the lot. “I know I haven’t been good company tonight. Maybe this will help take the edge off.”

Abbey drove for a while, trying to find a safe place to park. Finally, she remembered a place on Presque Isle where they could park and talk and drink the beer in private. She drove up the peninsula and found a secluded lot that looked over the lake. The lights from the city danced on the water’s surface. This was a peaceful spot where Abbey often came when she was in college, just to sit and think.

She turned to Hayden. “How’s this?”

Hayden looked ahead and outside the car window. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. “This is nice.”

“Great. It’s such a beautiful night, how about we go sit on the beach?” Abbey grabbed the six-pack and reached into the backseat and grabbed a plaid blanket. They got out of the car and Abbey climbed over a small sand dune and headed toward the water’s edge. Hayden eagerly followed behind her over the dune and onto the moonlit beach. A soft warm breeze blew in off the lake. Hayden felt like she was in heaven as she sat next to Abbey on the blanket.

Abbey let out a deep sigh. “Do you want a beer?”

“I never had one before.” Alcohol was one of the things Hayden’s mother warned her about. Sara told her there was no good reason to dull your mind with alcohol. If you did, someone could take advantage of you or harm you.

“I thought as much. One beer won’t hurt you. Here, try one.”

At this point, Hayden would have accepted alcohol lit on fire from Abbey. She loved being close to her like this. It felt so intimate. And she had never felt intimate with anyone before.

Abbey pulled off the pop-top and handed the beer to Hayden. When Hayden accepted the cold, wet can, their fingers touched, and Hayden felt electricity shoot through her hand directly to her heart. She took a sip of the beer. It was strong at first and didn’t taste good at all. Then she took another sip. Her head felt a little funny.

“Hey, this is pretty good,” Hayden lied. It actually tasted bitter to her. Her head was swimmy and her lips were numb. She didn’t like this feeling; it made her feel out of control. She held the can in her hands and pretended to sip on it while Abbey was already finished with her first beer.

Hayden watched as Abbey opened another beer. In three swigs, she had it almost gone. “So are you ever going to tell me what happened back at the theater?” The words came out of Hayden’s mouth before she thought about them.

Abbey took a big swig of her third can of beer and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Abbey looked over at Hayden with something very fragile in her eyes. “Remember when you asked me who Professor White was?”

“Yes.”

“Professor White…Ann…was actually there tonight…at the theater.” Abbey took another swig of beer.

“So she’s the person you’re trying to avoid?”

Abbey nodded.

“What did she do to make you not want to be around her?”

Abbey blushed. When she spoke, her voice sounded shaky. “She left me for someone else.”

 “Oh, I see.” Hayden looked down at her can of beer. “Is that why you’ve been having such a hard time these last few days?”

Abbey smiled weakly. “Yes. I cared very deeply for her. We lived together for six years, and now she asked me to move out because she’s in love with someone else.”

Hayden’s eyes met Abbey’s, and Abbey turned away. “Does that shock you?”

“No,” Hayden said quietly. “Not at all.” Suddenly, Hayden remembered her dream about her and Miss Spencer. She felt a tiny fluttering in her stomach. Could that have been some kind of premonition?

“Hayden, I’ve never told anyone this. And God only knows why I’m telling you. I hope I haven’t made a mistake.”

“It’s okay. I think I understand.” Hayden looked straight ahead at the water.

“Do you think I’m a bad person or that I’m some kind of pervert?”

“Why would I think that?”

“Because I’m not like everyone else. I fell in love with a woman. Most people think that’s a fatal flaw for a teacher. To be gay or a lesbian.”

Hayden was quiet, but her mind was racing. There were so many things she wanted to ask: to find out what it was like being in love with a girl, to ask Abbey how she knew that was what she wanted.

Abbey’s voice broke Hayden’s reverie. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course, I’m okay. But I feel bad for you. You must be really hurting inside. Can you tell me what happened?”

Abbey told Hayden the whole story about how Ann was her professor and how they hid their relationship for so many years and how things had been rocky since the incident with Jackson last Christmas.

Hayden looked over at Abbey thoughtfully. “How can you love someone one minute and cheat on them the next?”

“I ask myself the same question every day. I know relationships can be difficult at times, but when you love someone, you find a way to work it out.”

“Do you think it was hard for Ann, you being so far away because of your job?”

 “I don’t think it helped our situation, but you have to understand, we were used to adversity. We always had to hide our relationship. I thought the secrecy made our relationship special, more sacred, I guess.”

“How so?”

“Because even though we were apart a lot, when we finally came together, it was magic. I had no doubt that we truly loved each other...until now.”

“So how does Jackson fit into all this?”

“Personally, I think Ann’s tired of fighting the system. She’s been trying to get tenure for a long time, and for some reason, they keep passing her up. She told me a couple of times it’s because someone high up found out about us. I think she’s using Jackson to appear ‘normal’ and to get what she wants.”

“That seems like a pretty lame reason to mess up a relationship. Do you really think that’s the reason?”

“I’ve known Ann for a long time. I know she loves women. I can’t fathom any reason why she would be with Jackson other than to advance her career.”

“That’s terrible. It doesn’t say much for Ann’s credibility.” Hayden looked at Abbey and saw the hurt in her eyes. Maybe she was being too harsh on Ann. After all, she didn’t know her. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting,” Hayden said. She couldn’t help thinking Ann was stupid for leaving Abbey for any reason. Didn’t she know that Abbey was the best? That Abbey was smart and funny and obviously cared about Ann a lot?

 Abbey reached down and grabbed another beer. “Want another one?”

“No, thanks, you go ahead.” Hayden said, finally feeling a little more normal as the effects of the beer wore off. “I’m good for now.”

Abbey popped the can open and white foam bubbled up through the opening in the top. She licked the foam from her fingers, then took a big gulp. She leaned back on her elbows as the summer breeze combed through her hair and let out a sigh. “Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?”

Before Hayden could answer her, there was a rustling of the tall grass next to the sand dune and a blinding light aimed right at them. Abbey and Hayden jumped to their feet. They held on to each other and shielded their eyes to see who was approaching.

“Police officer, I need to see some ID.”

Chapter Fourteen

Hayden panicked. She thought for sure they were going to jail. During the whole ordeal, she prayed to God to get them out of this, and she swore if He did, she’d never touch alcohol again. She knew Abbey was scared, too. She had a lot to lose. Drinking alcohol in a deserted park with a former student late at night never sounded good no matter how you told the story.

Abbey appeared to sober up instantly. The frightening possibility of going to jail would do that to you.

“Is there a problem, Officer?” Abbey’s voice shook with anxiety.

The police officer shined his flashlight into Abbey’s face. “Abbey Spencer, is that you?”

Abbey raised her hand to shield her eyes. She turned her head and squinted, trying to see who it was.

“Carl Hecker?”

“Yep. I haven’t seen you since we graduated from high school. I thought you moved away.”

“I did. I got a teaching job in Youngstown, so I live there nine months out of the year,” Abbey said, still trembling. “So how have you been? Are you still dating Arlene?” Abbey thought the more small talk she engaged in, the less likely Carl was to turn this little reunion into something criminal.

“No, we broke up a couple of months ago. Said she needed to find herself, whatever that means. She went back to college to get her teaching certificate. Last I heard, she wanted to be a gym teacher.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I always thought the two of you made a nice couple.”

Carl shined the light onto the blanket. The beam of light shone on the empty white beer cans. Hayden’s heart caught in her throat.

“So, Abbey, it’s kinda late to be out here. You know the park closes at sundown.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Carl, I didn’t realize. We were just sitting here talking. Hayden here is a...” Hayden looked up to meet Abbey’s gaze. “Hayden is a friend of mine from Youngstown.”

Carl flicked the beam of the flashlight over to Hayden. “Can I see some ID, please, miss?”

Hayden reached into her back pocket and pulled out her driver’s license. Her hand shook as she handed it to him.

Carl flashed the light on Hayden’s license, then back on her face. He handed the license back to her.

“Abbey, can you step over here please?” Hayden watched as Carl pulled Abbey aside and shined the light in her eyes. “Have you been drinking?”

Abbey looked up at Carl, then down at her sand-covered sandals. “Yes, Carl. I’m not going to lie to you.” Abbey started to cry.

“Has the other girl been drinking, too?”

“A little, I think. Maybe…I’m not sure.”

“What the hell are you thinking? You’re setting yourself up for a boatload of trouble here. You know better.”

“I do, Carl, I do. I just…I’ve had a rough couple of days.”

“Well, you’re in no shape to be driving. I can’t just let you go.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Abbey’s insides shook.

Carl looked over at her. “I need to interview the girl. If I give her a field test and she passes, I can let her drive you home with only a summons for public intox. But if she’s been drinking and is intoxicated, too, I’ll have to arrest you and her.”

Adrenaline shot through her body as she started to realize the consequences of her actions.

Carl stepped closer to Hayden. “Have you had anything to drink tonight?”

“Yes, sir, a few sips of beer.” Hayden felt her face heat up.

Carl glanced over at Abbey and exhaled. He shined the light into Hayden’s eyes and made her extend her arms out to her sides and walk a straight line, not an easy feat in sand.

“Touch your index finger to your nose,” Carl commanded.

Hayden did as he asked.

“Can you recite the alphabet backward?”

“Z-Y-X-W-V…”

“Okay…okay. Look, here’s the story.” Carl held up his index finger. “Number one: this isn’t the safest place for two nice young women to be sitting and talking, especially being out here drinking. And number two: It’s against the law to be in a state park and have alcohol.” Carl pulled a ticket book from his back pocket and began to write. “Since Hayden here appears to be fine, I’m going to let you off the hook with only a summons for public intoxication. For your own safety, I’m going to ask Hayden to drive you home.”

“I’m really sorry about this, Carl,” Abbey said in a last-ditch effort for sympathy from the officer.

“I am, too.” Carl tore off the pink ticket from its binding and handed it to Abbey. “Now, Hayden, please make sure Abbey gets home safely, will you?”

“Yes, sir,” Hayden said. Abbey handed her the keys.

Carl walked them over the sand dune to Abbey’s car. Hayden got in the driver’s seat and turned the key in the ignition.

Carl tapped on the window, motioning for Hayden to roll it down. “I’ll follow you out to make sure you get on the highway safely.” Carl walked back to his cruiser, which was parked next to Abbey’s car.

Hayden pulled the car onto the main road. “My God, that was close.” Abbey was still shaking, her breath coming in deep gasps.

Hayden looked into the rearview mirror and saw the cruiser headlights. She drove slowly, probably too slowly, but she didn’t want to give Carl any reason to stop them again. She wanted to get Abbey back to the hotel where they would be safe.

Hayden finally reached the Presque Isle exit. She waved to Carl in her rearview mirror and turned right onto the highway. “Thank God you knew that officer,” Hayden said.

 “I know! He really did cut me a break. It could have been much worse.” Abbey’s voice still trembled with anxiety.

Hayden looked over at Abbey. “Are you okay?”

Abbey’s face crumpled as she started to cry again. “It feels like my life is falling apart. Everywhere I turn, it seems like something bad is about to happen. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.”

Instinctively, Hayden reached over and held Abbey’s hand. “It’s okay. I understand.” Hayden’s mind raced at what to do next. Maybe they could go someplace and sit and talk privately without the threat of being arrested. Hayden remembered passing a McDonald’s on the way to Presque Isle. 

“How about we get some coffee or something? There was a McDonald’s a ways back. ”

Abbey nodded. “That sounds good, but my hotel is at the next block. There’s a coffee shop in the lobby. We could go there,” Abbey said, reaching in the glove compartment and pulling out a tiny plastic package of tissues.

Hayden pulled the Mustang into the Holiday Inn lot. They walked into the lobby and over to the coffee shop, only to find the door was locked.

“They closed at nine tonight.” Hayden looked at her watch. “It’s almost eleven o’clock.”

“I have a coffeepot in my room. If you don’t mind the cheap stuff, I’d be happy to make you a cup.”

They took the elevator to Abbey’s room in silence. Hayden silently reveled in the excitement of being so close to Abbey. They got off the elevator, and Abbey patted herself down, looking for her room key, which she found in her front pocket. Abbey unlocked the door and held it open for Hayden. Abbey followed and put the deadbolt and safety chain lock on.

The hotel room didn’t look much different than it did the previous night. Only now discarded white bath towels joined the clothes on the floor. At least Abbey had rounded up the empty fast food bags and crammed them in the plastic trash can she retched in. Since both chairs were still piled high with clothes, Abbey gestured to the bed. “Have a seat while I make the coffee.”

Feeling suddenly nervous, Hayden stood next to the bed while Abbey went into the bathroom. The coffeemaker hissed and groaned, and a few minutes later, the smell of fresh-brewed coffee permeated the room. Abbey filled two Styrofoam cups.

Abbey poked her head through the bathroom threshold. “Do you take cream?”

“No cream. Sugar, please, if you have it.”

“We don’t have any sugar. But I can go to the desk and get you some.”

“No, that’s okay. I can drink it black. ”

Abbey handed Hayden the steaming cup of coffee and sat on the edge of the bed. Hayden stood in the middle of the room.

“Come on, make yourself comfortable.” Abbey patted the space beside her.

Comfortable? Is she kidding? Hayden stiffly sat on the bed and took a sip. There was a tingling in the pit of her stomach. The reality that she was here, alone with Abbey in a hotel room, sitting on a bed next to her was hard for her to comprehend. Her breath caught in her throat every time she looked at her. She was so beautiful.

Abbey looked up from her coffee. “I bet you never thought you would see your English teacher make such an idiot of herself.” Abbey took another sip.

“I have to admit, it has been pretty exciting. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been arrested before.”

 Abbey smiled. “Almost arrested,” she corrected.

“Okay, almost arrested. But like you said, it could have turned out a lot worse.”

“Yes, it could have. If the school board or a parent got wind of this, I could lose my job…my career. You have no idea what it’s like to have to watch every step you take knowing if someone found out who you really are that everything you worked for could be taken away from you.…let’s just say, it’s a lot of pressure sometimes.”

Hayden tried to look sympathetic, but her nerves were getting the best of her. “I can only imagine how difficult it must be,” Hayden said and took a tiny sip of coffee.

Abbey swung her legs around and leaned back against the headboard. “Even when you think you’ve done all the right things, it can still blow up in your face.”

“Do you mean with your relationship with that professor?”

“Yes, I guess so,” Abbey said softly. She looked down at the Styrofoam cup in her hand. “Hayden, have you ever been in love?”

Hayden looked down. “No.” Except for you.

Abbey smiled. “I was never in love, either, until I met Ann.” Abbey paused. “I thought we would be together forever. She was the one person I thought I knew and knew me and loved me no matter what, warts and all. I guess I was wrong.”

Hayden wanted to tell Abbey that if she were hers, she would love her no matter what, but that wasn’t what Abbey would want to hear right now.

“I think the only way you can really know if someone loves you is if they love you even if you aren’t always at your best. Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws.” Hayden blushed. She had never spoken to anyone about how she felt. No one ever asked.

“Well, I certainly haven’t shown you my best lately, have I?”

Hayden shrugged. “I understand, and right now you’re going through a rough patch. Sometimes people do crazy things when they’re sad. It doesn’t make them bad people.”

“I hear what you’re saying,” Abbey said, “but I’m supposed to be a role model...your role model. I guess I really screwed up any positive image you ever had of me, right?”

“That’s not true. Anyway, when it comes down to it, aren’t we all just human?”

“You are so right,” Abbey said. “You’re really something special. Here I am making an ass out of myself on a daily basis, and you’re the picture of politeness. Are you always this polite?”

“I...uh...guess so.”

“You’re so mature and levelheaded for your age. I wish I was half as levelheaded as you are. You really do seem to have it all together.” Abbey looked over at Hayden. Hayden smiled shyly. If I’m so levelheaded, why is it that I can only think of kissing you right now?

*******

Abbey and Hayden talked into the night. Abbey found herself confiding in Hayden things she hadn’t even told Ann. It felt so easy talking to Hayden. There was no judgment. She truly seemed interested in what Abbey had to say and how she felt. Abbey hadn’t felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. Especially after what was happening with Ann lately. With Ann, Abbey felt like she had to choose every word carefully so as not to upset the fragile piecework they had built to put their relationship back together.

Abbey drained her coffee cup and stood to get a refill. “You ready for more coffee?”

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

Abbey returned with her fresh cup and sat down again next to Hayden. She looked over at Hayden. A rush of affection washed over Abbey. It scared her to see what she saw in Hayden’s eyes. But what scared her even more was that she couldn’t deny the spark of excitement she felt. Abbey’s heart raced. She wanted to blame it on the coffee, but she knew that was a lame excuse. Yes, Hayden was an attractive girl, but she was a former student.

Warning bells went off in her head. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the feeling. She took a deep breath to calm herself and gather her senses. She was the adult here and needed to start acting like one. But the longer she sat here with Hayden, the more vulnerable she felt, and if she didn’t take control of the situation, something might happen that she would regret.

Abbey stretched her arms over her head and yawned. “Hayden, it’s getting late. You better get going now.”

*******

Hayden’s heart dropped. “Oh.” Hayden looked at her watch. “I hadn’t really noticed the time.” Hayden stood to leave, her face clouded with disappointment. What she thought might have been leading up to the experience of a lifetime was suddenly over. How could she feel so close to Abbey one minute and the next be asked to leave?

Abbey stood next to her. “Thank you for taking such good care of me…again.”

Hayden stood next to the bed and seemed unable to move.

“Hayden, is something wrong?”

Hayden looked at Abbey. All she could think about was how Calli was always telling her she needed to let loose sometime. Take a chance in life. That’s what made life exciting. In her heart, she felt if she didn’t do something, she may never get this opportunity again. If she was going to let Abbey know how she felt about her, it was now or never. 

 Hayden leaned in and kissed Abbey so hard and so deep, it nearly knocked her over. When the kiss ended, Hayden’s knees were quivering.

Abbey’s jaw dropped. “Oh, my.” Abbey’s voice was but a whisper.

Hayden watched as Abbey studied Hayden’s face, looking for a reaction to what had just happened.

“I…uh…I don’t know…”

Before Abbey could say another word, Hayden leaned in and kissed her again. This time, her heart swooned as she felt Abbey pull her closer. So this is what all the fuss is about, Hayden thought as she melted into Abbey’s arms.

*******

Breathless, Abbey pulled back from their kiss. Feeling dizzy, she tried to steady herself. “Hayden, we…” She looked at Hayden until their eyes met. “Are you sure this is what you want?” 

Hayden smiled. “It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time.”

Abbey took Hayden’s face in her hands and kissed her deeply: a kiss full of passion and desire. They crumbled back onto the bed, both needing more than that first touch. Soft hands tentatively explored soft smooth skin—forbidden skin. Oh, God!

Suddenly Abbey sat up, her heart pounding as a wave of guilt washed over her. If they stopped here, Abbey felt safe that what they were doing was nothing more than experimentation. She looked at Hayden lying there in the dim light of the room. Hayden looked up and their eyes met. It was so easy to get lost in the way Hayden looked at her. Abbey studied Hayden’s face. Her feelings for her had nothing to do with reasoning. For a long moment, she felt like she was floating, then Hayden reached up and pulled her to her.

Chapter Fifteen

After the play, Ann and Jackson went back to his place. Ann slipped off her high heels and made herself comfortable on Jackson’s couch. It irritated her that she couldn’t stop thinking about Abbey with that woman. What was Abbey trying to prove? That she was over her already? And wasn’t it a little soon to be seen in public with someone else? After all, they had only officially broken up a few days earlier.

“Can I get you a drink?” Jack asked as he stuck his head around the corner from the kitchen.

“Sure. That would be great.”

“Scotch and soda?”

“You know how I like it.” Ann smiled at Jackson in that seductive way she had seen other women smile at the men in their lives who they wanted to get things from. She was amazed at how well it worked.

Ann leaned back and settled into Jackson’s couch and smiled. She liked how he took care of her, treating her like a queen. Maybe she should have made this leap into heterosexually years sooner.

Jack returned with their drinks and sat beside her. She loved how his Polo cologne smelled; it stirred something in her.

She took a sip of her drink. Mmm...perfect. She moved closer to Jackson, nuzzling his shoulder.

“Did you like the play?” Jackson asked.

“It was okay. For a group of college kids.”

Jackson cleared his throat. “Speaking of kids, I got a phone call from Roseanne today.”

“Oh?”

“She hadn’t been feeling well and went to the doctor. It seems she’s seriously anemic from heavy bleeding...you know, her monthly thing.”

“I see,” Ann said, wondering why he was telling her this. She couldn’t care less about his soon-to-be ex-wife’s menstrual cycle.

“Apparently, it’s so bad that her doctor says she needs a hysterectomy.”

Ann took a sip of her scotch. “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope she does okay.”

“Me too.”

Jackson was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke as if testing the waters. “At least there’s one good thing coming out of this.”

“What’s that?” Ann took another sip.

Jackson kissed the top of Ann’s head. “She’s letting the boys stay with me while she recovers.”

Ann sighed. Why did it seem like one thing after another was happening? First seeing Abbey and now Jackson’s news. It was getting difficult to relax and unwind. “That’s nice,” she said. “You’ll get to spend time with your kids.”  

Jackson smiled. “I really miss them. It’s hard not seeing them every day.”

“I bet.” Ann took another sip. The scotch warmed her insides, the only thing she could count on to make her feel better at this point. “When are they coming?”

“Next week. I have to go to Stockbridge to pick them up.”

“Next week! That’s so soon.”

Jackson smiled benignly, as if dealing with a temperamental child. “Roseanne’s surgery is scheduled for Wednesday. I figured I get there on Tuesday, make sure she does okay, and head back here with the boys by the weekend.”

Ann was not pleased, but she didn’t want Jackson to see how she truly felt. “So how long will they be staying?”

Jackson shifted on the couch. “Two months.”

Ann practically spit out her drink. “Two months? You’re kidding, right?”

Jackson shook his head. “Roseanne’s doctor told her it will take her at least eight weeks to get back on her feet. She certainly can’t take care of two kids in that kind of shape.”

Ann sat up a little straighter. “Isn’t there someone there who can help her with them until she feels better?”

“Her parents are there, but they aren’t in the best health. She’s staying with her mother after the surgery until she feels stronger. But she can’t put the burden of two rambunctious boys on them. Besides, I’m looking forward to having them with me. It will be great. I can’t wait for you to get to know them.”

Warning bells went off in Ann’s head. She was starting to get a headache. Having Jackson’s kids here meant that she would have to share Jackson with them. Worse yet, he might expect her to help take care of them. She thought about this for a moment. The boys were young. She really wasn’t good with kids because she didn’t know what to do with them. Kids that age always seemed so self-centered, and that annoyed her.

Immediately, she decided that, while the kids where here, she would just make herself scarce, busy herself with work, until they went back home. If Jackson truly cared about her, he would make time for her alone away from his family.

Ann stood. “I need another drink,” she said and headed into the kitchen.

She returned to the couch a few minutes later with a double scotch. She took two big gulps.

Ann glanced over at Jackson and caught him looking at her.

“What?”

“You seem upset. I hope the boys coming here doesn’t put a damper on our relationship.”

Ann shrugged, not knowing what to say.

“I know this was unexpected,” Jackson said. “I think you’ll like them. They’re both smart and bright and a lot of fun to be around.”

Ann nodded, only half listening to what Jackson was saying as she struggled with her conscience.

“I was hoping, too, that since they’re only eight and six that you might be able to help me out with them once in a while. I’ve never been a single dad before. With all the meetings and appointments I have at work, I might need someone to stay with them in the evening until I get home. Maybe help with dinner if I’m held up at work or get them ready for bed.”

And there it was. The sound of screeching brakes sounded in Ann’s head. There was no way Jackson was going to turn her into some kind of den mother. She needed to nip this in the bud right away.

Ann downed the rest of her drink in one gulp. She took Jackson’s hand to make sure she had his attention. “Look, I’d like to help you out with your sons, but I have to tell you, I’m not very good with kids.”

“But you’re a teacher. Aren’t all teachers good with kids?”

“Not me. That’s why I went into higher education. I wouldn’t know the first thing about taking care of little kids.”

Jackson looked at her. The sadness she saw in his eyes almost broke her heart.

“I can understand that. And I wouldn’t ask you to do anything you didn’t want to do…”

“Then don’t.” The words came out before she knew it.

Jackson looked stunned. Actually, hurt more than stunned. “Oh, okay…” He lowered his gaze. “I didn’t realize you were so opposed to children.”

“It’s not that I don’t like them…I’m sure your sons are delightful. I’ve just never been around them much.” She looked at Jackson and forced a demure smile. “I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Jackson’s expression stilled and grew serious. By the look on his face, Ann felt like she may have gone too far. She hated herself for that. Lately, that was all she seemed to be doing…hurting people.

“Jackson, I’m sorry. I’m just not cut out for this…you know…the family thing.” Ann stood. “Maybe this is a mistake, our being together.”

Jackson stood. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I was really beginning to believe we had something good here.”

Ann looked down unable to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry, too.”

Chapter Sixteen

“Hayden, wake up.” Abbey rushed around the room, plucking Hayden’s clothes from the floor.

Hayden drowsily sat up, holding the white bed sheet against her bare breasts.

“It’s morning. I’ve got to get you home.” Abbey pulled on a pair of jeans.

Hayden dressed hurriedly and ran her fingers through her hair in place of a comb. A few minutes later, she and Abbey were in the elevator. Abbey felt she should say something, but she didn’t know what. She looked over at Hayden, who looked awfully cute with her tousled hair and sleepy eyes, and smiled. Hayden smiled back, and Abbey’s heart turned over. It took everything she had not to kiss her again right there in the elevator.

They held hands in the car on the way back to Hayden’s.

“Have a good day at work,” Abbey said and kissed Hayden’s hand as Hayden got out of the car.

Hayden walked over to the driver’s side and motioned for Abbey to roll down the window. Abbey did as instructed, and Hayden leaned in and kissed her.

The taillights of Abbey’s car had long disappeared before Hayden put her key in the lock and turned the doorknob. She was greeted by an angry Calli, who sat at the kitchen table, already dressed in the ridiculous gingerbread outfit, with her arms crossed in front of her chest. “Where have you been all night?”

Hayden was too tired to get into it with her, but she knew if she didn’t give her an answer, Calli would never let it go. “I was with Abbey.” Hayden glided through the kitchen to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She couldn’t stop smiling and felt as if she were floating on air. Once inside the sanctuary of her room, she plopped down on the bed. 

 “All night?” Calli asked through the closed door. “What were you doing?”

Hayden lay on the bed, stared at the ceiling, and grinned. “Talking.”

“Really? I thought maybe the two of you went out and got lucky.”

Calli’s offhanded comment was pretty close to the truth. Hayden’s head was spinning from everything that happened. It felt like a dream come true.

She and Calli usually shared everything, but this was special. She wanted to keep it for herself and for Abbey. If she told Calli, she would blab it from here to kingdom come. No one should find out what transpired between them.

Hayden got up and stood in front of the mirror on her closet door. As she looked at her face and body, she couldn’t stop thinking about Abbey and what it felt like to lay in her arms. Her skin glowed, and a delightful shiver ran through her when she thought about Abbey.

Hayden closed her eyes and touched her fingertips to her lips, remembering the kiss, reliving it over and over in her head. Nothing had ever felt so right in her life.

“Hay, come on, we’re going to be late,” Calli yelled through the closed door.

Well, this is a switch, Hayden thought as she hurriedly threw on her uniform and headed out the door. Calli was standing by the car. Hayden could feel Calli’s gaze on her as she slid into the driver’s seat.

“What?” Hayden asked.

Calli narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on with you?”

Hayden looked straight ahead as she drove. “Nothing is going on.” Hayden tried to suppress a smile.

“You seem different.”

“Different how?”

“More relaxed. Actually, I’ve never seen you this relaxed.”

 “Calli, nothing’s different,” Hayden said nervously. She was happy to park the car and head into work. Hayden walked quickly as if trying to get away from Calli and her questioning. When they got to the assignment office, Calli was almost out of breath.

“Holy cow, Hay, where’s the fucking fire?” A light film of sweat glistened on Calli’s forehead.

“I don’t want to be late.” Hayden scanned the bulletin board for their names and assignment.

“Well, maybe you should try coming home before the sun comes up.”

“Here we are.” Hayden pointed at their names on the assignment sheet for the day.

Calli’s shoulders slumped. “Great, it looks like funnel cake hell again.”

Hayden smiled. She didn’t care where they were working. Nothing could dampen her mood and the happiness she felt in her heart.

Chapter Seventeen

Abbey returned to the hotel room. As she bent down to pick up the shirt she wore the night before from the floor, she noticed a plastic card almost underneath the bed. It was a driver’s license, Hayden’s driver’s license. Abbey looked at it and quickly did the math. Her heart froze. Although many seniors were eighteen before graduation, Hayden was not among them. If the date on her license was correct, it meant that Hayden was only seventeen! Seeing her birth date in print felt like reality smacked her in the face. Oh, my God, what have I done?

Abbey plopped down in the middle of the bed and rocked back and forth. She recounted in her brain over and over again the previous night in this room with Hayden. What the hell is wrong with me? What if someone finds out? What if Ann found out? What if the school board found out? Could she really get into trouble? I mean, Hayden was no longer her student, right? And it wasn’t like what they had done wasn’t consensual, right?

If Abbey thought her life was a mess before, heaven knows what ramifications this latest incident would bring. She couldn’t call anyone because she was afraid if this got out, all hell would break loose. She needed to find the strength to take care of this herself.

Abbey held her head in her hands as she went over the past twelve hours in her head. First of all, I need to stop drinking, and second, I need to talk to Hayden and explain to her that what happened last night shouldn’t have.

Abbey pushed herself off the bed. “I gotta fix this,” she said as she hurriedly brushed her hair and secured it in a ponytail. She grabbed her purse and car keys and headed out to Waldameer.

*******

The park was already crowded by the time Abbey reached the funnel cake booth. Before approaching the booth, Abbey stood back and watched Calli and Hayden wait on a group of customers. Hayden looked so beautiful. So pure and innocent. She was a good person, wise beyond her years. Abbey didn’t want to mess up Hayden’s life. After all she did for Abbey, she deserved better. Isn’t that why she was here? To tell Hayden that she deserved better. Someone who had their shit together and not some basket case, like Abbey.

As the group dispersed, Abbey walked closer. Hayden was wiping off the counter and looked up as Abbey approached.

Hayden smiled and sent Abbey’s heart racing.

“Abbey,” Hayden’s voice was as light as air.

“Hello. How are you this morning?” Abbey’s voice was tight.

Hayden smiled again, and Abbey’s heart jumped. Hayden lowered her thick long lashes. A rosy blush crept into Hayden’s cheeks. “Fine.” Hayden smiled as she continued to wipe down the counter, obviously finding it difficult to make eye contact.

Abbey looked around, then reached over and covered Hayden’s hand with hers. Hayden looked up.

“Hayden, we need to talk about last night.”

Suddenly, Calli appeared at Hayden’s side. “Hey, Miss Spencer, what brings you here?”

Abbey quickly withdrew her hand from Hayden’s and slipped it into the front pocket of her jeans.

“Just stopping by to return Hayden’s license to her. She left it in the car last night.” Abbey handed the license to Hayden.

“Hayden said you two had some night last night,” Calli said.

“Calli, please,” Hayden interjected.

Abbey’s heart screeched to a stop. Oh, God, she already told Calli about last night? Shit, shit, shit! Abbey fumbled to come up with a plausible explanation.

“Oh?” was all she could manage.

“Yes, Hayden’s never been out past midnight. I was teasing her this morning that I thought maybe you and her got lucky last night.” Calli winked. “Know what I mean?”

Abbey could hardly breathe. “It’s not what you think.”

Thankfully, a group of high school boys came up to the counter and placed their order. Calli was immediately drawn to them and left Hayden and Abbey alone.

“Hayden,” Abbey whispered. “We really need to talk about last night.” Abbey looked around, making sure no one could hear their conversation.

“Okay, let’s talk,” Hayden said with a look of concern on her face.

Abbey noticed Calli was finishing up the boys’ order. “Not here, though. Can we meet somewhere later?”

Hayden’s face brightened. “Sure. I get done at six o’clock. Do you want me to come to you or do you want to pick me up?”

Not wanting to run into Calli again, Abbey opted to have Hayden meet her. Afraid to be seen in public, she reluctantly agreed to have Hayden come to her hotel room where they could talk in private.

“Is seven o’clock okay?” Hayden asked.

“Seven is fine,” Abbey said.

“Okay, see you then.” Hayden watched as Abbey disappeared through the crowd.

“What was that all about?” Calli asked.

“She wants to meet me after work to talk.”

“You two seem to be spending a lot of time together for a teacher and ex-student. What could you possibly have in common?”

Hayden tried to suppress her smile. “You’d be surprised.”

Chapter Eighteen

Hayden showered and changed clothes ten times before deciding on cargo shorts and a sleeveless button-down shirt. She was so excited about seeing Abbey again, she could barely contain herself. She brushed and even flossed her teeth, something she hated doing because it made her gums bleed. Nobody looked good with bleeding gums.

Calli was standing in the kitchen wearing only her bra and panties in front of the open refrigerator when Hayden walked in. “Too bad we couldn’t find a place with air conditioning,” Calli said as she opened and closed the door, fanning herself.

“I think we’re lucky we got this place. A place with air conditioning would be too expensive.”

“Whatever. Hey, you look nice. So where are you and Miss Spencer going tonight?”

“Not sure,” Hayden said. “She asked me to pick her up at the hotel. I guess we’ll decide from there. What are your plans for tonight?”

Calli closed the refrigerator door. “While you were on break, Joey, the guy that was here the other night, came over to the booth. He asked me out to see a movie tonight.”

Hayden’s stomach tightened as a flashback of Calli and this guy from the other morning shot through Hayden’s mind. Hayden didn’t want to start an argument with Calli now. She didn’t want anything to bring her down from the cloud of happiness she was riding on. “Well, that sounds nice.”

“Yes, he really is a nice guy,” Calli said. “In spite of what you might think.”

“I don’t think anything about him. I don’t even know him.”

Calli nodded. “I know.”

“So tell me about him.”

“He’s really good looking. Awesome muscles. Dark hair and dark eyes. He works in construction. He’s working at the Under the Clock Bar and Grill in downtown Erie doing wiring. He has great hands, Hay. And a great smile.”

Hayden smiled as she watched how excited her friend was. “I’m happy for you. He sounds great. Have a good time.”

“Yeah. You too. See you later.”

Hayden grabbed her purse and keys and headed to Abbey’s hotel. As she drove the streets of Erie, she fantasized about what the night might bring. She hoped with all her heart that she and Abbey could be together again like they were the night before. She loved the way Abbey’s hair tickled her skin and how wonderful her soft warm body felt next to hers.

Hayden shivered with excitement at just the thought of being close to Abbey again. Never in her wildest dreams did she think they would come together like this—ever. She wanted to give Abbey something special, so she stopped at Mason’s Nursery on the way and bought her a bouquet of red and white roses laced with baby’s breath and lavender. She wanted this to be a real date, so she couldn’t pick up Abbey empty-handed.

Hayden’s heart raced as she pulled into the hotel lot. She shut the car off and took a deep breath. She checked her hair in the rearview mirror, then headed up to Abbey’s room.

*******

As Abbey returned to the hotel from Waldameer, she spotted Ann’s car in the parking lot. She quickly pulled into a spot and hurried to get out of the car and into the hotel, but it was too late. Ann stood at the front of the car, blocking her path.

“What do you want?” Abbey said.

“We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Abbey walked quickly around Ann and into the lobby.

Ann followed Abbey to the elevator. “Abbey, please? Can we talk for just a minute? There are some things I want to clear up.”

“Clear up? There’s nothing to clear up. You’re straight now and you’re fucking your boss. I get it. No big misunderstanding there.”

Ann leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, apparently trying to summon up whatever patience she had left to deal with Abbey’s obstinacy. “I’m sorry things turned out this way.”

“Yeah, well, I am, too. But as usual, you got everything you wanted…” The elevator door slid open and Abbey stepped in. She pressed the button for her floor and the door started to close.

Ann blocked the door with her hand and wedged herself into the elevator. “Not everything.”

“Ann, please. I just want to be left alone.” Abbey’s patience was wearing thin.

“You’re wrong. I didn’t get everything I wanted.”

“What are you talking about? You’re living in our house, you’ve got Jackson doing God knows what for you, and you got your precious tenure. That sounds like everything to me.”

Ann looked down at the rubber floor of the elevator. “I lost you.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I haven’t felt like you wanted me for a long time. And did you think I would just stand by and look the other way while you carried on living an entirely different life?”

“I had to show the board that I was a respectable person, living a respectable life.”

“Respectable? Are you kidding me? What’s respectable about what you’ve done to our life?”

“You don’t understand. To get anywhere in this world, you have to fit in. Being in a relationship with Jackson helped me to fit in.”

“He’s married! How does that make your relationship with him respectable?”

“He’s separated.”

“Oh, big deal, he’s separated. So that’s acceptable? How about us? We weren’t separated.” Abbey’s anger had risen a few more percentage points. “I loved you and I was faithful to you. That was a no-brainer for me. My mistake was thinking that you felt the same way.”

“But we were living separately, by your choosing.”

“So this is my fault now? Jesus, can you be any more ridiculous? How about the fact that I made sure to come home every weekend to be with you or how about the time when you had the flu and I drove up in a fucking blizzard to bring you Kravitz’s chicken soup and cough medicine? Does that sound like what someone does if they’re ‘separated?’ Please, don’t insult me.” 

The elevator doors slid open and Abbey rushed off down the hall. She fumbled in her purse for the key.

“Just hear me out, please?”

Abbey leaned her head against the door. It felt to her that this nightmare would never end. She slid the key into the doorknob. Ann pushed her way into the room behind Abbey. “You’ve got five minutes.”

“First of all, let me say I’m sorry for hurting you. But I did this for us.”

“For us? Are you kidding me?” Abbey stared at her in disbelief.

“Yes, Abbey, for us. I thought that if I could get Jackson to help me get tenure, it would mean a more stable future for us.”

“That’s a load of crap.”

“It’s not. It was the only way. Everything else I tried failed. You know that.”

“Where does fucking Jackson come in to helping our relationship?”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“I walked in on you two during Christmas break. Your shirt was off, your skirt was hiked up to your waist, and you were straddling him. It looked like fucking to me.”

“Well, the sex was interesting… Not the best I’ve had but not the worst, either.”

“Gee, Ann, I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe the fact that you’ve been a lesbian your entire adult life had something to do with it.”

“Abbey, look, I love you and what I did was wrong.”

“Isn’t it a little late for that?”

“It’s never too late. I want to start over. I want to put our life back together.”

Abbey stood in the middle of the hotel room fists clenched at her sides. “Why are you telling me this now?”

Ann looked down and sighed. “After I saw you at the theater with someone else, I realized what I had lost,” Ann lied. “So last night after the play, I told Jackson how I felt, about our relationship, and how much you mean to me. I also told him I couldn’t see him anymore because I was still in love with you.”

 “Ah, Ann.” Abbey sat on the edge of the bed and held her head in her hands. “You practically destroy our lives, then you walk in here, tell me you made a mistake, and you expect me to believe you and to forgive you, and go on as if nothing ever happened? I don’t know if that’s possible. Too much has happened.”

“Maybe if you stop being so righteous, we can work this out. You know you’re no saint, either.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” It sounded like a throw-away accusation, but it definitely hit home.

“It sure didn’t take you long to get back into the dating scene.”

“Hayden is a former student. She’s up here working until classes start in the fall.”

“So you’re dating former students now, too?”

“Ann! Stop it. She’s a kid and I know better.” A tidal wave of guilt swept over Abbey as she remembered what had happened in this room the previous night. “Maybe I should’ve thought of that before I got involved with you.”

Ann looked as if someone had slapped her in the face. “I’m sorry,” Abbey said. “That was a low blow.”

“I probably deserve it. I’m just scared I’m going to lose you forever. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

Abbey’s temper was cooling. She looked over at Ann and felt sorry for her. “Shouldn’t you have thought about that before you got involved with Jackson?”

“Abbey, please. I know what I did was wrong. Things got out of hand, and I got involved with Jack for all the wrong reasons. Please think about it. Think about us and everything we had. I know if we work together, we can put things back the way they were. I love you. I miss you.”

Although Ann was saying the words Abbey wanted to hear, warning bells went off in Abbey’s head—again. Abbey stood and looked out the picture window.

“I need time. Time to think. Time to sort all this out.”

Ann smiled. “I understand. Take all the time you need.” Ann walked up behind Abbey and put her arms around her waist. Abbey closed her eyes and melted into the warm familiar safeness of Ann’s arms. She turned to face Ann and was shocked to see as unemotional as Ann was, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. Abbey brushed the tears away with her hand and smiled.

Ann kissed the top of Abbey’s head. “I better go now. There’s some last-minute paperwork at school I need to finish up, then I’m done until fall semester.”

Abbey nodded and Ann stepped out of their embrace.

“I’ll see you soon,” Ann said.

Abbey was still standing at the window when Ann turned and let herself out of the room. Abbey watched through the window as Ann walked to her car. Ann looked up and waved at Abbey before driving away.

Once Ann’s car was out of sight, Abbey collapsed onto the bed. What the hell am I supposed to do now? She stared at the crack in the ceiling that resembled the state of Texas.

Abbey lay on her bed in the depressing hotel room. She missed her bed, she missed her home, and even though she hated to admit it, she did miss Ann. Her mind reeled, but her heart couldn’t keep up with all the emotion. She was halfway between consciousness and sleep when she heard the knock at the door. The soft voice barely penetrated the door.

 “Abbey, it’s Hayden.”

Chapter Nineteen

“Just a minute!” Abbey shouted through the closed door. She rushed into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She dried her face with the scratchy hotel towel and looked into the mirror. Her skin was blotchy and her eyes were bloodshot. These last few days had taken a toll on her. She took a big swig of Scope and ran a brush through her hair, then pulled it into a loose ponytail. She checked her appearance again in the mirror and spit the mouthwash out.

Abbey stood in front of the door and took a deep breath before opening it.

Hayden stood in the doorway with the biggest bouquet of roses Abbey had ever seen. Abbey couldn’t help but smile.

“Hello.”

“These are for you.” Hayden thrust the roses toward Abbey.

“Thank you, they’re beautiful.” Abbey buried her nose in the bouquet and inhaled. Abbey looked up at Hayden, whose face was beaming with delight. She felt a thud in her heart.

“C’mon in.” Abbey stepped back into the room and Hayden followed. Abbey grabbed the ice bucket from the bedside table and filled it with water. She arranged the flowers in the makeshift vase. “These really brighten the place up, don’t you think?”

Hayden nodded but stood stiffly in the center of the room.

“Would you like to sit down?” Abbey asked.

Hayden walked toward the bed and sat.

Abbey could see the girl was trembling. “Are you okay?”

Hayden nodded, then looked down, her hands knotted in her lap.

Abbey sat on the bed next to her. Hayden looked up and their eyes met. Abbey couldn’t remember the last time someone looked at her with such adoration. Abbey took Hayden’s hands into hers. Hayden smiled and leaned in to kiss Abbey. Abbey leaned back, out of the way.

“No, Hayden, wait.”

Hayden looked up at Abbey, puzzled.

“I don’t understand.”

Abbey looked into Hayden’s eyes and felt horrible. She cleared her throat.

“Hayden, you know I think a lot of you.”

Hayden nodded.

“You’re such a special person, so mature for your age.” Remember, she’s only seventeen echoed in Abbey’s head. “I’m so glad we got to know each other better.” Abbey stopped. That doesn’t sound right, she thought. Let me try again. She cleared her throat. “It seems that in such a short time we have gotten to know each other in a very special way.” Oh, God.

Hayden looked confused. Abbey paused again, trying to find the right words to tell Hayden that she was sorry for what had happened between them. Abbey swallowed hard and squared her shoulders. “I need to apologize to you for something I did.”

“Oh?”

“Last night, I acted irresponsibly, and I promise you that will never happen again.”

Hayden’s expression was pained, like she had been punched in the stomach. “You mean…what happened here last night between you and me?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

“But…last night was wonderful.”

Yes, it was wonderful, Abbey thought, and if circumstances were different, they wouldn’t be having this conversation, but she couldn’t admit that to Hayden. “You’ve got to believe me that what happened last night shouldn’t have and that in no way is any of this your fault. It’s mine. And I should have known better.”

*******

Hayden looked down. “I don’t understand. You keep telling me how mature I am. Don’t you think I’m mature enough to know what I want and to make my own decisions?”

“You are mature. You are more responsible than most adults I know. But there are certain boundaries between a teacher and her student. I’m afraid I crossed that boundary. But I promise you it will never happen again.”

 Tears formed in Hayden’s eyes. “But I want it to happen again. Being with you last night was a dream come true for me. It helped me figure out who I really am, and if someone like you feels the same way I do, then it must be okay to feel this way.”

Abbey didn’t know what to say. The sincerity she saw in Hayden’s eyes nearly broke her heart. Before she knew what happened, Hayden leaned forward and kissed her. Abbey was lost in the sensation of Hayden’s soft lips pressed gently on hers. A small sound of wonder came from her throat as she felt the kiss radiate deep inside of her. When what was happening finally registered in Abbey’s brain, she pushed Hayden away.

“Hayden…stop…I mean…we can’t do this…I’m sorry.” Abbey stood and rubbed her forehead as she paced back and forth, trying to work off her excess anxiety.

 Hayden looked down at her lap. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Abbey continued to pace. She couldn’t make eye contact with Hayden because if she did, she knew one of two things would happen: her resolve would break or her heart would.

Hayden picked at a loose string in the hem of her cargo shorts. “Is it because I’m not pretty enough?” Hayden’s voice trembled.

 “Oh, of course not! You’re a beautiful and wonderful girl. It’s not anything you did or didn’t do. It’s what I did.”

“But I thought you liked me.”

“I do like you, very much. It’s just that it was wrong of me to take advantage of you.”

“I don’t feel like you took advantage of me. I wanted to do what we did.”

“That may be true, but it doesn’t make it right. Teachers aren’t allowed to do those kinds of things with their students. I should have known better and stopped things before they got too far.”

“But you’re not my teacher anymore.” Hayden started to cry. “I love you, Abbey.”

Abbey felt terrible. She wished there was another way to make this right without hurting Hayden.

Abbey sat on the bed next to Hayden and put her arms around her while she cried. Abbey rocked her back and forth until she calmed down. A few minutes later, Hayden looked up at her. “I’ve never felt this way before. I love you, and I thought you loved me, too.”

Abbey reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Hayden’s ear and smiled. “Honey, you deserve better than me. You deserve to fall in love with someone who is free to give you love back. I’m afraid I can’t do that for you.”

Hayden lowered her eyes. “Are you in love with someone else?”

Abbey paused for a moment, hesitant about telling Hayden the truth. Hayden would never be able to understand that even after the horrible things Ann had done to her, she did still love her.

The knock on the door startled them both. Abbey bolted up from the bed and walked over to the door. “Who is it?” Abbey yelled through the closed door.

“Room service” came from the other side.

When Abbey opened the door, her heart stopped. Ann stood in the doorway with a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other.

Chapter Twenty

“Oh, well, I guess I’m too late,” Ann said, seeing Hayden sitting on Abbey’s bed. Her gaze raked over her.

She looked at Abbey. “What’s going on here?”

“Ann, what are you doing here?”

“I came back to celebrate our new beginning.”

“What? What new beginning?”

“You are coming back home to me, aren’t you?” Ann looked at Hayden. “Or have you found someone more interesting to spend your time with?”

“Ann, please, you need to leave.”

“Why—so you can be alone with your student? Isn’t she a little young for you? When we talked earlier, you told me she didn’t mean anything to you. Have you changed your mind already?”

“What are you talking about? I never said that.”

Abbey looked over at Hayden. She looked as if someone had just drop-kicked her heart across the room.

“Ann, please, you really need to leave now,” Abbey said, her voice weary.

Ann smirked. “Okay, I’ll leave, if you insist.” Ann looked at Hayden and set the bottle of champagne and glasses on the night stand. “Here, kid, if you get her drunk enough, she’ll do amazing things to you.”

“Get out!” Abbey yelled.

Ann headed for the door. Abbey picked up the bottle of champagne and hurled it in Ann’s direction. Ann slammed the door closed just in time for the bottle to miss her and shatter onto the floor in a thousand pieces.

Abbey was on her knees in the middle of the room sobbing. This was a nightmare beyond belief. Her body trembled with anger and fear.

Hayden ran to the door and flung it open. “That woman is crazy. I’m not going to let her treat you like that and get away with it.” Hayden ran out into the hall.

“Hayden, don’t!” Abbey cried. “She’s not worth it.” Abbey punched the floor with her fist. “Hayden, come back.”

After finding no sign of Ann in the hall, Hayden returned to the room. Abbey looked up at Hayden, who had tears in her eyes. “Hayden, you’ve got to believe that I never told Ann that you didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Why would she say that then?”

“Because she’s being a vindictive bitch.”

“How could you let someone like that in your life?”

“I don’t know.  I was young and stupid, I guess.”

Hayden looked down. “Is that what you think I am—young and stupid?”

“That’s the last thing I think you are.”

Hayden looked at Abbey, her eyes were red rimmed and swollen, her nose was running, and her lips quivered. “Then why can’t we be together?”

Abbey sighed. “I tried to explain it to you.”

“But I don’t understand. One minute, we’re together, and it’s wonderful. You even said so yourself.”

Abbey nodded. “I know I did, but that doesn’t make it right.”

“So how can you feel so passionate about someone, then deny that those feelings were ever there?”

“I’m not denying it.” Abbey’s heart felt like it was stuck in her throat. Admitting that to Hayden surely wouldn’t make this any easier—for either of them.

Abbey looked up and saw Hayden studying her intently. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” Her voice faded to a hushed stillness.

“Is the real reason you don’t want to be with me because you want to go back to her?”

Abbey shuddered inwardly at the thought. After a long pause, “No” was all she could manage. She had never felt so   vulnerable in her life.

Hayden wanted to believe what Abbey was telling her, but mixed feelings surged through her, and something deep inside expressed doubt. It was difficult to ignore the pain she felt when she heard Ann say those words about her, but it hurt even more to think that was how Abbey truly felt.

But Hayden looked down at Abbey, and her heart turned over in response. She pushed all those thoughts away, knelt next to Abbey, and held her hand. “She’s gone now and it’s over.”

*******

Abbey’s face crumbled as she cried harder because she knew it wasn’t over. She knew Ann, and she knew this was only the beginning. Abbey felt like a fool for considering working things out with Ann. Especially now. Even though she missed the security of her old life, she should have stuck with her instincts and never let Ann in.

Haunted by the suspicion that Ann would be back, Abbey bolted up. “Hayden, you better go.”

Hayden stood, as well. “What if she comes back? Will you be all right?”

“Yes, I’ll be fine. I’ve known Ann for a long time. She’s upset because she didn’t get something she wanted. She’ll calm down. Anyway, I should know how to deal with her by now, shouldn’t I?”

Hayden shrugged.

Abbey walked Hayden to the door and opened it. Before leaving, Hayden turned toward her. “Can I come by and see you again?”

Abbey smiled. “I’ll call you,” she said and kissed Hayden on the cheek.

That’s when the flash went off.

Startled, Hayden and Abbey turned toward the direction the flash came from and saw Ann running down the hallway and disappear into the elevator.

Anger propelled Abbey down the hall after Ann. With every step, her jaw became firmer, her muscles tighter, and her heart more eager to get revenge. It was almost like a hunger.

The elevator doors slid closed behind Ann before Abbey could get to her. Abbey punched the closed elevator door as she and Hayden stood helplessly in the elevator bank.

Fear and dread, the after matter of her adrenaline rush, washed over Abbey. Her life seemed to be drowning in overpowering circumstances, and she knew there was no easy way out. She’d have to go to Ann and plead for her mercy.

Abbey looked over at Hayden. She was pale and trembling.

“Hayden, I’m sorry you had to see that. Are you okay?”

Hayden nodded. “Just a little shook up. I’m not used to seeing people act that way. Is she always like that?”

Abbey chuckled to herself. “Unfortunately, yes.”

Chapter Twenty-one

Tears streamed down Hayden’s cheeks as she left Abbey’s hotel. That afternoon’s events only confirmed that what she had perceived to have been the most beautiful experience of her life had turned out to be the most painful. She didn’t want to go home yet because she didn’t want to face Calli, who would ask her a thousand questions. She drove to Presque Isle to the spot where she and Abbey were the previous night…before everything fell apart.

Hayden sat behind the wheel of the Civic and looked out at the lake. It was windy and the white caps were breaking on the shore. Hayden closed her eyes, reliving the pain of that final scene when Abbey told her what they did was wrong. It didn’t feel wrong to her.

She thought about Ann and the awful things she said to her and Abbey. How could you claim to love someone and treat her so badly? Why did love have to hurt so much? Wasn’t it supposed to be the most wonderful thing that could happen to you?

A police car slowly drove by. Not wanting any further contact with the Presque Isle police, Hayden put the car in gear and headed home. When she got there, she was relieved to find that Calli wasn’t there. Finally, she could have some peace and quiet. She made herself a cup of tea and retired to her bedroom. She tried to read but didn’t comprehend a thing. She couldn’t stop thinking about Abbey. How could Abbey have been so close to that woman who treated her so bad? Ann seemed like a big bully and what right did she have to treat her and Abbey the way she did? And just because she was young didn’t mean her feelings didn’t count.

Enough of this pity party, Hayden thought. Even if Abbey and I aren’t meant to be together, there is no way I’m going to allow her to be treated that way. Anger gave her courage as she got back in the car and headed to Abbey’s hotel.

*******

After Hayden left, Abbey headed to the house. She pulled into the driveway and raced up the front walk. She barged in the front door using her key.

“Ann! Ann, I know you’re here.” Abbey searched the living room and the kitchen. “Ann!”

“I’m right here.” Ann stepped out of the bedroom into the hall.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but you won’t get away with it.”

“I’m not trying to pull anything.” Ann’s voice had an eerie calm to it.

“Why did you take my picture?”

“What picture?”

“Cut the crap. I saw you get on the elevator.”

“Oh, that picture. It might be useful someday.”

“Useful for what?”

“St. Mary’s school board might be interested in it.”

“Are you kidding me? Not only have you destroyed our relationship, now you want to destroy my career? Why are you being such a bitch?”

“I want you to come back to me. I don’t like to lose things. I tried to get you to come back nicely, but I’m not sure that’s enough to get you to really think about it. With the picture of you kissing a student in a hotel room, maybe you’ll consider my offer a little more seriously.”

“Former student!” Abbey shot back.

Ann waved her hand. “Whatever. Still it doesn’t look good for you.”

“So you’re going to blackmail me? You of all people? Did you forget that I was your student when we got together?”

“That was different. You were at least of age. That girl can’t be more than sixteen or seventeen.”

Abbey cringed hearing those words, even though Ann spoke the truth. 

“And, Abbey, if this gets out, St Mary’s is going to have a field day with it, and you can kiss your career as a teacher goodbye. Face it, you fucked up big-time.”

A lump formed in Abbey’s throat so big that she felt like she couldn’t breathe. There was no way out now. She had to do what Ann wanted or risk everything that was meaningful in her life.

Abbey lowered her head, her body slumped in despair. “Okay, Ann. You win.” Abbey’s voice was weary.

“That’s my girl.” Ann smiled. “Now go get your things from that hotel and bring them back home where you belong. If you hurry, we can still spend a few days at the beach house.”

Slowly, Abbey walked to her car. She had never felt this defeated in her life. Abbey drove to the hotel to collect her things and check out. She was beyond pain, she was simply hanging on to survival now. Fatigue oozed from every pore as she packed her belongings. Glass chards from the broken champagne bottle crunched under her shoes as she stood in the doorway and scanned the hotel room one last time before leaving. How could someone who is supposed to love you hurt you to the point where you totally lose yourself?

Before she left the room, she noticed the roses in the ice bucket that Hayden had brought her. She walked over to them and inhaled deeply. She remembered the look on Hayden’s face when she gave her the flowers. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt joy in such a simple gesture. Too bad things couldn’t be different, she thought. If she and Hayden had met under different circumstances…. She grabbed her suitcase and the roses and headed toward the lobby to settle her bill with the manager. After loading her car, she sat in the parking lot, unable to move.

An eerie calm settled over her. Suddenly, her mind blew open and everything seemed crystal clear. She put the car in gear, but instead of heading home to Ann, Abbey got on the interstate. In a breathless, instant release, she felt free. Fuck Ann, she thought and headed back to Youngstown to see if the house she rented from Mr. Mahoney was still available.

Chapter Twenty-two

Hayden’s heart sank when she reached the hotel and Abbey’s car wasn’t in the parking lot. The only other place she thought Abbey could be was The Zone. So she headed to the bar, hoping even if she wasn’t there, maybe someone could tell her where to find her. There were a handful of cars in the parking lot when Hayden pulled in. She went inside and recognized Sharon, the bartender, from before. As she approached the bar to ask if Abbey had been there, someone familiar caught her eye.

Calli was sitting at a table in the corner.

“Calli, what are you doing here?”

Calli stood, obviously surprised to see Hayden. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for Abbey. I went to her hotel to see to her, but she was gone. Something is going on with her, and I have to find out if she’s okay.”

Hayden looked around. “Calli, did you come here alone?”

As soon as she said the words, Joey, the guy Calli had at the house the other night, came out of the ladies’ room. This struck Hayden as odd. But the closer Joey got to the table, the more things seemed to make more sense. At first, Hayden was shocked, but not sure what shocked her more—the fact that Joey was really a girl or the fact that Calli had been in bed with her.

“Joey, this is my roommate Hayden.” Joey extended her hand to Hayden. It was as soft and supple as her own.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

Hayden looked over at Calli and couldn’t help but smile. She tilted her head slightly and stole a sideways look at Joey. There was an inherent strength in her face. She had compelling dark eyes and smooth olive skin that stretched over high cheekbones.

Calli coughed. “We were on our way to the movies and decided to stop in here for a drink.”

“Oh, I see,” Hayden said.

“I’m going to the bar. Can I get you anything?” Joey asked Hayden.

“No, thank you,” Hayden said. “I won’t be staying long.”

Joey sauntered over to the bar. Hayden plopped down into the chair next to Calli. “So you want to tell me what’s going on?” Hayden said, grinning.

Calli’s face colored. “Well, I like her. She’s very nice and polite—”

“Yeah, polite is important,” Hayden interrupted. “When did you discover she was a girl?”

Calli looked away. “The night she stayed at the house. But not until much later that night…actually not until we were…”

“How could you not know?”

“I just thought she was a pretty boy. Boy, was I surprised.”

“I bet. So what does this mean? Are you gay?” Too.

“Hay, I don’t know what it means. I’m so confused. I mean, I’ve been with a couple of guys.”

“You have!”

“Yes, Virgin Mary, I have. It was no big deal. But this is nothing like that. I mean, I’m no expert, but something feels right about this. Maybe because it’s something new or forbidden, but whatever it is, I’m having fun. Joey treats me better than any of the guys I’ve dated, so I don’t see anything wrong with it, for now at least.”

Joey returned to the table with two bottles of Rolling Rock. She set one in front of Calli and took a long pull on the other one. “You sure I can’t get you something?” Joey asked. Her smile was wide, warm, and friendly.

“No, thank you. I need to get going. I’m looking for my friend. I thought she might be here.” Hayden stood to leave. Calli reached over and touched her arm.

“Hay, I hope you find her.”

Hayden smiled. “Thanks.”

The first few notes of Madonna’s song Crazy for You played on the sound system. “Hey, babe, this is a great song. Care to dance?” Joey stood and offered her hand to Calli, and Calli accepted it.

“I’ll see you later,” Hayden said.

“Okay. Let me know how it goes,” Calli said.

Hayden walked toward the door and turned back just in time to see Calli melt into Joey’s arms as they swayed on the dance floor, just the two of them, holding each other close as if nothing else in the world mattered. How she wished she could be that way with Abbey.

Chapter Twenty-three

It was three agonizing days before Hayden heard from Abbey again. She left a message for her at work with John Thorpe. When Hayden clocked in for work that morning, he handed Hayden the message with Abbey’s name and a phone number with a Youngstown area code. Her mind was a crazy mixture of relief, hope, and fear as she tried to find a private place to call her back.

“Abbey, where are you? Is everything okay?”

“I had to leave Erie. I’m back in Youngstown.”

“What happened? Did Ann hurt you?”

“Not physically, but I couldn’t do what she wanted.”

“What was that?”

“She wanted me to come back to her and live our life like nothing ever happened, like her relationship with Jackson never happened. I just couldn’t do it.”

Hayden felt her heart lift. Things were falling into place and soon she and Abbey could be together again. “Do you want me to come down there?”

There was a telltale beat of silence on the other end of the line. Finally, Abbey spoke. “Oh, Hayden, that’s probably not a good idea. It’s not that I wouldn’t love to see you, but I need some time to think and sort out what to do next. If you were here, I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

Hayden’s heart sank. “I see.”

“I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear. But I need to get my head on straight. A lot has happened and I need to figure some things out.”

“Can’t we figure it out together? I can be there in an hour.” Hayden felt like she was grasping at straws. She would do anything to be with Abbey again.

 “No, that wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be fair to you. Anyway, you’ll be starting classes soon. Concentrate on school. That’s your future, and that’s what’s important now.”

Those were not the words Hayden wanted to hear, but she knew in her heart Abbey was right. “Is it okay when I come home for Thanksgiving to stop by and say hi?”

“Sure, that would be nice.”

*******

Abbey hung up with the feeling that she was embarking on a new beginning. For the first time in her life, she was truly on her own. Yes, it was scary. She had gone from her parents’ home straight to Ann’s. But deep inside, she felt this was the right thing to do, something she had to do to move on with her life.

As far as Ann, Abbey knew she could carry a grudge, but she couldn’t stay mad at her forever, could she? She would let the dust settle, then eventually contact Ann to get the remainder of her things. Maybe by then, Ann would come to her senses and realize that there was nothing left to hang on to in their relationship.

Abbey’s life was here now. Youngstown wasn’t such a bad place to live. It was a small community. She loved the ethnic festivals in the summer. The winters were cold and snowy but not paralyzing like those in Erie. She loved teaching at St. Mary’s. Her work had brought her here, and it was as good a place as any to start her new life.

Chapter Twenty-four

Things had settled down considerably in Abbey’s life. It took about a month before she got up the courage to contact Ann and ask to pick up her belongings. Even under the circumstances, it was difficult for Abbey to say goodbye to her old life. She and Ann did have many good times, and she hoped to still cherish them in the future.

Although Ann was being cooperative, she refused to be at the house when Abbey moved out. Abbey had rejected several pleas from Ann to give their relationship one more try. So Abbey accepted the fact that it was just too hard for Ann to be there when she was used to most things going her way. Abbey figured Ann could have made things a lot more difficult for her by being there or not letting her get her things at all. For that, Abbey was grateful and saw it as a sign of a truce.

As time went on, Abbey felt a certain lightness within her. She was on her own now, and it wasn’t so bad. With only a few more weeks before school started again, Abbey occupied her time with fixing up her home and getting ready for the new school year. She even took a class at Home Depot to learn how to wallpaper.

A week before classes began, she and some of her colleagues got together and collected school supplies for the kids in their classes who couldn’t afford them. Her life had changed drastically in the past few weeks, and even though she was lonely at times, she was content.

On a hot August afternoon as Abbey was cleaning up after finishing her bathroom wallpaper project, the doorbell rang.

“Coming,” Abbey shouted as she wiped paste from her hands. She did a half step backward when she saw through the screen door that it was Sara Crissman, Hayden’s mother, standing on her porch with a Saran-wrapped plate of chocolate chip cookies.

“Hello, Ms. Crissman,” Abbey said. To her dismay, her voice broke slightly.

“Hello, Miss Spencer. I hope you don’t mind me stopping by.”

“No, not at all. And please, call me Abbey. Would you like to come in?”

“Only for a minute, then I have to get to work.”

Abbey led Sara into the kitchen and motioned for her to have a seat. “Can I offer you something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?”

“No, thank you…Oh, these are for you. I just baked them.” Sara handed Abbey the plate of cookies.

Abbey removed the Saran wrap. They were still warm. “Mmm, they smell delicious.” Abbey picked one up and bit into it. “They are delicious. Is that butterscotch I taste?”

Sara nodded. “Yes, that’s how Hayden likes them. Chocolate chips and butterscotch. These are her favorite.”

A nervous fluttering pricked in Abbey’s chest. She paused for a moment, hesitant about her next thought. “So how is Hayden doing?” Abbey sat at the small kitchen table across from Sara. “She should be finishing up her orientation soon.”

“I think she’s a little homesick, but otherwise she’s doing fine. She’s asked me every time she calls home if I’ve seen or talked to you. That’s one of the reasons I stopped by, so I could tell her I saw you.  Also, I can’t thank you enough for all you did for her. She said you two spent some time together this summer. I don’t know what you said or did to her, but it really made an impression on her.”

Abbey’s heart felt like it was stuck in her throat. What did Hayden tell her mother? She obviously didn’t tell her about that night in Abbey’s room or else Sara would be trying to choke her instead of bringing her cookies. “Well, Hayden is a smart girl. I know she’ll do well at Mercyhurst and make a great nurse someday. I think she has you to thank for that.”

Sara looked down. “That’s nice of you to say. I only wanted her to have a chance at a better life. I don’t think that would have happened without your help and encouragement.”

“Thank you for that,” Abbey said.

Sara stood. “I better get going. I have to be at work soon.”

Abbey walked Sara to the door. “Thank you for stopping by and for the cookies. Please let me know how Hayden’s doing. And if there’s anything I can help her with, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you, Miss Spencer.”

“Abbey,” Abbey corrected.

“Abbey.” Sara smiled and left.

Abbey closed the door behind her and practically slid to the floor in relief. Wow, I didn’t see that coming.

Chapter Twenty-five

On the first day of the new school year, Abbey was writing on the chalkboard, pointing out how Macbeth had been compared to Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra and how Antony and Macbeth seek a new world, even at the cost of the old one when there was a knock on her classroom door. Father John Walters, the principal, stepped into her classroom. Abbey knew this wasn’t a good sign because the only time Father Walters came to your classroom was when there was a death in your family or something terrible had happened to a student.

“Miss Spencer, I’m sorry to interrupt, but can you please come down to my office when your class is over?”

“Sure, Father. Is everything all right?” Abbey smiled an uneasy smile.

Father Walters looked down. “It’s a private matter, Miss Spencer. We’ll talk in my office.” A chill ran through her body.

 Calmly, Abbey returned to her classroom. She set the chalk down and brushed her hands together. “For tomorrow’s assignment, read chapters three, four, and five. There might be a quiz, so be prepared.” The bell rang and the classroom erupted in adolescent chaos as her students left to move on to their next classes. Abbey took in a deep breath and headed down the hall to Father Walters’s office.

*******

As Abbey sat in one of the wooden chairs outside of the principal’s office, she couldn’t breathe. She felt like any minute she was going to pass out. She thought about running away, but she knew if anything was wrong, that would only make things worse.

“Father Walters will see you now,” Edna, his secretary, announced. Edna stood all of four foot ten inches and was maybe a little taller before osteoporosis took its toll on her crooked spine. It was rumored that Edna had been at St. Mary’s when the school opened in the late 1960s. I’m sure she’s seen a lot, Abbey thought as she followed Edna into Father Walters’s office.

*******

“Thanks for coming in,” Father said. His smile was without malice, almost apologetic as he motioned for Abbey to take a seat. He closed his office door and settled himself behind his desk. Abbey’s pulse pounded, her face felt like it was on fire as she sat in the principal’s office.

Father Walters opened a manila envelope that sat in the middle of his desk. “I received this from the president of the school board this morning. Can you tell me what this is all about?” He removed a photograph from the envelope and slid it across the desk in front of Abbey.

Abbey’s hand trembled as she reached across the desk and pulled the photo closer to her. She closed her eyes, opened them, and looked down at the photo. It was the one Ann took of her and Hayden in the hall of the Holiday Inn.

Father Walters leaned forward in his chair and looked at Abbey. “Is that you in the photo, Miss Spencer?”

Abbey nodded.

“And the girl in the photo. Is that Hayden Crissman?”

“Yes, Father.” Abbey’s voice broke.

“When was it taken?”

“This past summer…June or July, I think.”

“It looks like it was taken in a hotel. Is that true?”

“Yes, it was.”

Father Walters shifted in his chair. “Can you explain to me what you would be doing with a student—?”

“Former student,” Abbey interrupted.

“A former student in a hotel and why someone would take the time to photograph it?” His voice was strained, almost pleading with her for a reasonable explanation.

“Hayden was in Erie this summer, as I was. We ran into each other there and spent some time together.”

“What kind of time?”

Abbey bit her lip and looked down at her lap. “We went to a play at Mercyhurst one night. I was staying at the Holiday Inn, and she came to visit me there.”

“Miss Spencer, did something inappropriate take place there?”

Abbey could not answer. She sat motionless with her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

Father Walters breathed an exasperated sigh. “I have no choice but to notify the authorities of this and to suspend you from teaching until this matter can be investigated.” He paused for a moment and ran his hand through his thick black hair. “Abbey, you’re one of my best teachers. What would possess you to get involved in something like this?”

Abbey looked at her hands. “Father, my personal life has turned into a mess. Over the summer, I ended a relationship with someone I cared dearly about. Hayden and I became friends, and she was there for me during a bad time.” Abbey smiled. “She’s a mature kid. She helped get me through some of the toughest parts.”

“That’s the point, Abbey, she’s a kid…a student who attended this school.” Father Walters closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his fingertips. “Whatever happened between you and Hayden Crissman happened, but everyone will see that you were still her teacher.”

“But, Father, the relationship between Hayden and I occurred after Hayden graduated. I don’t see why the school board would have an issue with this.”

“Your relationship or friendship with a student outside of the classroom isn’t the only issue the board is concerned with. It’s compounded by the fact that we have the issue of homosexuality to deal with, as well. And you know where the diocese stands on that.”

“So this wouldn’t be an issue if Hayden were a boy?”

Father Walters’s eyes flashed with anger. “It’s an inappropriate relationship regardless. But it certainly doesn’t help that these accusations ring loud and clear of homosexuality. The point is, it shouldn’t have happened at all.” Father Walters exhaled. A thin film of sweat covered his forehead, and a look of fatigue passed over his features. “Look, you’re a smart girl. This is a Catholic school. We’re under the constant scrutiny of the church and the public regarding inappropriate relationships between our students and teachers. Even when something that may have come about innocently looks inappropriate, it still can cause a major upheaval.”

“Father, I know my relationship with Hayden may not look appropriate, but technically, she hasn’t been a student in my class since she was a junior. The only contact I had with her during the school year was working with her and her counselor to get her a scholarship to Mercyhurst.”

“I realize that, but it doesn’t matter. You will be seen as someone with authority over her. And once this gets out, people, including the diocese, will come to their own conclusions. I have no control over what happens, and I’m afraid of what this will lead to for you and for the school.”

 Abbey felt like she had been physically beaten. Her head pounded and her throat felt like sandpaper. “Father, I never meant any harm to anyone and am truly sorry if my lapse in judgment caused me to appear to overstep the boundaries of my professional relationship with Hayden, but I still don’t believe I did anything criminal.”

“I wish I could believe that was true, but the circumstances and the evidence weigh heavily against you.” Father Walters stood. “Is there anything else you would like to say in your defense?”

Abbey gripped the sides of her chair and stood, as well. Her legs felt like they would collapse beneath her at any minute. “I guess I better hire a good lawyer.”

Chapter Twenty-six

Abbey sat at her kitchen table with the telephone in one hand and a glass of vodka in the other. She hadn’t had a drink since she left Erie, but with all that was happening, the only thing that calmed her nerves was a glass of liquid serenity. She thumbed through the Cleveland Yellow Pages and found the number for an attorney who dealt with statutory rape cases. She felt she would have better luck finding a lawyer with more experience in these types of cases in a bigger city than Youngstown.

Allison Winters’s ad said she used to work for the prosecutor’s office in Cleveland before going into private practice in Chagrin Falls. Abbey called her office and got an appointment for the next morning.

Abbey got up and filled her glass again with vodka and ice. She walked onto the porch and sat on the stoop listening to the hypnotic hiss of the cicadas high up in the oak trees. The sound was almost comforting. Abbey needed comfort. Her life seemed to be drowning in overpowering circumstances.

She had never felt so alone. Even though Abbey had come out to her family when she turned eighteen and moved in with Ann, She didn’t feel she could tell them what she was going through because she didn’t know how they would react. Actually, she did know how they would react: they would be angry at her for being so foolish and for throwing away all her education and hard work, and for what? And she certainly couldn’t talk to Ann. Just the thought of Ann made Abbey angry and bitter. Abbey hated how she felt. Even when they weren’t together, she hated that Ann still had a hold on her.

As the afternoon light faded into the pink hues of evening, Abbey remembered the visit from Sara Crissman the other day. She wondered what her reaction would be when she found out about the allegations regarding her daughter. Abbey bet the next time Sara came to visit, she wouldn’t be bringing cookies.

*******

Abbey was surprised when she met Allison Winters because she looked more like a college student than a seasoned defense attorney. Abbey figured she wasn’t much older than she was but hoped she had much more experience. Allison greeted her with a warm handshake, then she got down to business.

“So Hayden Crissman was your student in Ohio, but this incident happened in Pennsylvania, is that right?” Allison pulled out a yellow legal pad from her desk drawer.

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“So tell me what happened.”

Abbey exhaled slowly. “What happened was a moment of indiscretion that I may regret for the rest of my life.” She told Allison what took place in Erie. She told her about meeting up with Hayden, about the evening at the play, and what happened afterward.

“Do you think in any way that Hayden felt forced into doing anything she didn’t want to do?”

“No, not at all.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because she initiated it. She kissed me.”

“And then what happened?”

Abbey looked up at Allison. By the look on Allison’s face, she didn’t need to say any more.

“But it was consensual? Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“You are positive she didn’t feel obligated or forced into doing something she didn’t want to do or felt she couldn’t stop from happening?”

“No!” Abbey said a little too loudly. “I would never force anyone to do anything they didn’t want to do.”

“Okay, good. Abbey, I need to let you know that many lawyers argue that even consensual sexual interactions between students and teachers can still constitute sexual harassment.”

“I see.”

“I need to ask, what possessed you to become involved in this type of relationship with Hayden?”

Abbey shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m usually so careful about boundaries with my students. That night, I was so distraught about seeing my ex…”

Allison looked up. “Ex-husband? Ex-boyfriend?”

Suddenly, Abbey felt self-conscious. Not only was she telling this attorney her deepest, darkest secrets, she realized that because of this, her entire life would be on display for everyone to see. Now everyone, including her students, their parents, and her colleagues, would know about her lifestyle.

Abbey coughed nervously. “My ex-partner. Ann and I had been together for six years.”

Allison continued to write, not skipping a beat.

“Is that a problem?” Abbey asked. “Because if you don’t feel comfortable taking my case…”

Allison reached over and picked up a silver-framed picture from her desk and showed it to Abbey. It was a picture of Allison with a beautiful dark-haired woman and an Asian girl who looked to be about four years old. “This is my partner, Diana, and our daughter, Lilly. I don’t think there’ll be a problem. Can we move on now?”

Abbey smiled for the first time in what seemed like months.

Abbey explained that Ann came to the hotel the day after seeing her and Hayden at the play and asked her to come back so they could start over. “She had previously been involved with Jackson, her boss, but that’s another story.”

Allison shook her head and continued to write.

“I had just returned from Waldameer where I asked Hayden to come back to the hotel, so we could talk. I needed to explain to her that what happened shouldn’t have and that it was my fault. I was the adult in the situation, and I should have known better.”

“Was that before or after Ann’s visit?”

“Before. I didn’t talk to Ann until I returned from Waldameer.  She was waiting in the parking lot of my hotel.”

“What did she say to you?”

“She apologized for her behavior. Said things got out of hand and that she wanted us to start over again.”

Allison looked up from her legal pad. “How do you feel about that?”

Abbey sighed deeply. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care.  She was saying all the right things. We had a history together…and I liked the security I felt being in a relationship.”

“So when you ended the relationship with Hayden, did you make your decision that what happened between you was a mistake based on your lingering feelings for Ann or because Hayden was your former student?”

Abbey thought for a moment. Did she still love Ann? She felt something for her, but was it love? And then there was Hayden. Abbey shook her head, trying to erase any thoughts of a romantic relationship with Hayden. It was wrong. Just plain wrong.

“Abbey? Are you okay?”

Abbey looked up and saw Allison looking at her.

“I’m sorry, what did you ask me?”

“What I’m asking is, would you have told Hayden that you needed to end your relationship with her even if Ann hadn’t asked you to reconcile?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Okay, good.”  Allison flipped the page of her legal pad. 

“So how was Hayden when you told her what had happened was a mistake?”

“She was sad. Crying, I think. But I explained the situation to her, and I was gentle with her. I think she understood.”

“How was she when she left?”

“Not angry if that’s what you’re asking. She was very mature about the whole thing. But that’s how Hayden is.” Abbey’s heart pinged in her chest when she thought about Hayden. She forced herself to ignore the feeling.

“What happened when Ann showed up at the hotel again?”

“When Ann came back, that’s when things got nasty. She said some pretty awful things to Hayden and me, then left. At least I thought she left. When Hayden went to leave, Ann was waiting in the hall and snapped the picture of us with her cell phone. It was an innocent goodbye kiss…on the cheek.”

“But in a hotel,” Allison said.

“Yes, I guess that’s the bad part.”

Allison nodded. “So this is where Hayden’s complaint stems from?”

“I don’t believe Hayden’s the person filing the complaint.”

Allison looked at Abbey. “If Hayden isn’t filing the complaint, then who is?”

“Ann is the only person I can think of who had access to that picture. I think she did.”

“So she’s filing the complaint for Hayden?”

“No, she’s filing the complaint for her own amusement.”

“I don’t understand.”

Abbey changed positions in her chair. “When all this happened, Ann threatened that if I didn’t come back to her, she would send the picture to the school board. I think she made good on her threat.”

“And Hayden has nothing to do with this?”

“Not that I’m aware of. I believe this is all Ann’s doing.”

Allison set her pen down and folded her hands together. “Okay, let me ask you something. When did Hayden graduate from the school where you taught?”

“June 5 of this past year.”

“And the incident happened in June?”

“Yes, June 7.”

Allison looked up at Abbey. “Your ‘moment of indiscretion’ took place after Hayden was no longer your student. No teacher-student relationship, no crime.”

“That’s great news, but isn’t her age a factor in this? Hayden was only seventeen, and I’m twenty-four. So that’s statutory rape, isn’t it?”

Allison shook her head. “The age of consent in Ohio and Pennsylvania is sixteen.”

“It is?” Abbey couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Yes, it is.” Allison pulled a law book from behind her desk and showed Abbey the law in writing.

Abbey collapsed with relief into her chair.

“There was no crime committed, but that doesn’t mean these allegations won’t get you in trouble with the school system. Especially at a Catholic school and the nature of the relationship. That can really complicate things.”

“So what do we do?”

“In some of the other cases I’ve seen like yours, the school board privately asked the teacher to resign to avoid them firing the teacher, which would raise questions. Their main goal is to keep this quiet. But in your case, someone else is making the allegations, someone in authority. Although you feel Ann is doing this to get back at you, she’s a teacher, which would make her complaint valid. Even though there may not be a legal case, her allegation could still cause you to lose your job.”

 “If there were no laws broken, how can I still lose my job?”

“Because cases like this are so precarious. Any  inappropriate behavior toward a student by teachers can cause serious consequences for the victim. While the legal definition of sexual harassment is ‘unwanted’ behavior, most people would agree that even consensual sex between students and teachers would be seen as harassment.”

“But what happened between Hayden and I was consensual.  She initiated it, for crying out loud.”

“The law still sees it as the teacher having power over the student. A teacher being superior over a student creates a situation in which ‘mutual consent’ is impossible.”

“Well, that sounds like a lot of legal double talk. How can anything like that be enforced?”

“The law is geared toward protecting the student. Wouldn’t you agree that relationships, even on a platonic level, between students and teachers can be often quite intimate and intense as they share common interests?”

“Yes, I guess so.”

“Sometimes they talk about personal issues, such as problems at home or with boyfriends/girlfriends.”

“Yes, so?”

“So that closeness and intimacy can blur the professional boundaries and lead people—teachers and students alike—to step over the line.”

“So you’re saying that even though what happened between Hayden and I didn’t break any laws, it goes against school policy.”

“I’m afraid so.”

Abbey didn’t know what to say. Allison had made the situation so clear to her that she couldn’t fathom a way for Allison to come up with a defense for what she did. She let her guard down and let her human side, the side that wasn’t so rigid, take over, and this is what it got her. She did know better and was careful in her relationships with her students, but this time not careful enough.

Abbey looked down. “I’m feeling kind of hopeless here. Is there any defense to my case?”

Abbey listened thoughtfully as Allison explained her options.

“Well, you said you were having trouble with your ex?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Stress, like having trouble with personal relationships is one of the things that the law sees as a reason a teacher might become involved with a student. Even though the behavior is a symptom of the effects of such stresses, it’s still unacceptable behavior and doesn’t excuse it, however, it does give some explanation for it. Also it may look like an inappropriate relationship, but no law was broken. There are no grounds to file criminal charges.”

“So where do we go from here?”

“I’ll send a letter to the school board. I’ll explain that at the time of the incident you were going through difficult times in your personal life and befriended Hayden. Hayden had already graduated and was no longer your student, so you didn’t perceive a problem with the relationship until you discovered her real age. At the moment you discovered her age, you terminated the relationship. I will also make note that there was no sign of force or threat and no crime committed and insist they drop the matter.”

Abbey sat up straight in her chair. “Then what?”

“Then we wait for their answer.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

It took the school board five days to answer Allison’s letter. Abbey received notice by certified mail that even though the board agreed that no crime was committed, it needed to investigate the matter further because additional evidence had been submitted regarding Abbey’s character. The conduct hearing was scheduled for October 16. That gave Allison five weeks to prepare her defense.

As soon as she received the notice of the additional information, Allison called Abbey at home. “Abbey, I got a letter from the school board that states they received evidence of a summons issued to you for public intoxication by the Presque Isle Police Department. Do you know anything about that?”

Abbey felt sick to her stomach. “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the summons when we talked last week?”

“To be honest, I forgot about it. I hope it’s not a problem.”

“Not a problem? It’s not going to help.” Allison’s voice was stern. “Is there anything else you haven’t told me?”

“No, I’m really sorry.”

“Just be in my office tomorrow morning at eight o’clock sharp. We need to take care of this as soon as possible.”

When Abbey met with Allison to prepare, Allison was furious.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the summons before?”

“I told you, I forgot about it. Anyway, does it really matter?”

“A summons for public intoxication the day before the sexual harassment allegation doesn’t matter? What do you think? For someone who claims they’re so careful around their students…I have to tell you, this doesn’t look good.”

Abbey sat quietly. She didn’t know what to say.

“The pubic intox alone can get you suspended for up to five years or have your license revoked altogether.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I paid the fine. I thought I was done with it. I never thought it would come up again. I surely didn’t think it was linked to this case.”

Allison took a deep breath. “You know that as a teacher, everything you do publicly is under scrutiny. You’ve got to be more careful.”

Abbey looked down. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Okay. We need to focus and get down to business. Here’s what I have so far. The age of consent in Pennsylvania is sixteen. Hayden was seventeen at the time of your encounter. Even though a lot of folks might frown on what has happened, no laws were broken. The only time it’s a crime is when the victim is still a student of the teacher. Once the teacher vacates that responsibility, i.e., the student graduates, there’s no crime.”

“That sounds good for us, right?”

“Yes, but that’s not all of it. The first thing they’re going to ask you is if Hayden gave consent.”

“Yes, she did. I told you that.”

“You’ve told me that, but you’re going to have to convince the board of it.”

Abbey rubbed her temples with her fingers. “Okay…Okay, I’ll do my best.”

“The questions are only going to get harder here.”

“For crying out loud, how could this get any harder?”

“They’re going to ask you questions you can’t even imagine, like if she was forced to perform any acts that she might have felt were ‘unnatural’?”

“How am I supposed to answer that?” Abbey asked, frustrated.

“The correct answer here would be no. Remember, short yes or no answers. The less you say, the less they can come back on you for.”

Allison coached Abbey on her testimony well into the early evening. When they were done, Abbey’s mind felt like mush. She came home from Allison’s office and sat on her porch until the cool air turned frigid and chased her inside. She lay across her bed praying for the relief of sleep. When she did fall asleep, dread and trepidation invaded her dreams, and when she woke, she felt like her soul had been ripped out from inside her.

Although Abbey tried, she still couldn’t fall back to sleep. She needed to talk to someone, someone who knew her and loved her no matter what. She looked over at the clock on her night stand. The red numbers glowed four o’clock. Knowing that was the time her mother got up for work, she reached for the phone next to her bed and dialed her number. 

Chapter Twenty-eight

Abbey arrived at the middle school building, where the school board held its meetings, at seven thirty sharp. Her case wasn’t going to be presented until nine o’clock, but Allison wanted to meet with her one more time to go over her testimony. Two city police officers stood at the front entrance. Abbey had been to this building several times before but never remembered officers stationed at the front door. As Abbey approached, one of the officers smiled politely and opened the door for her.

“Thank you,” she uttered and made her way down the cavernous hall. The Boston cream doughnut she choked down earlier felt like a lead weight in her stomach. As she walked down the tiled corridor, she spotted Hayden sitting in a group of wooden chairs. It made her sad to think that Hayden was here to testify against her. Hayden looked up as Abbey approached.

Hayden stood. “Hello, Abbey.”

Abbey forced a smile. The air around them felt charged with tension. “Hello.”

“You have to believe that I’m not here to cause you more problems. I wouldn’t be here at all if I hadn’t gotten the subpoena from the school’s attorney. He contacted me at school and sent a certified letter to my mother,” Hayden said with a desperate eagerness in her eyes. “I never meant for anything like this to happen. You have to believe me.”

Abbey’s heart raced as she looked at Hayden. The strange surge of affection she still felt toward Hayden bubbled up inside her. She needed to get a grip before she’d say something she would regret.

“We probably shouldn’t be talking like this. At least not until this is over.”

Hayden nodded. “I know. I just want to say I’m sorry and that if it was up to me, we wouldn’t be here.”

Abbey smiled. “Thank you for saying that, but…”

Suddenly, Hayden’s mother appeared. “Hayden, come on, we better get going.” Sara grabbed Hayden by the arm and pulled her down the hall toward the hearing room.

A knot formed in Abbey’s stomach as she watched Hayden and Sara walk away. Just before they entered the hearing room, Sara turned back and looked at Abbey. A chill went down her spine. She felt impaled by Sara’s steady gaze. The expression on her face was that of anger and disappointment.

 Abbey felt someone grab her elbow, spinning her around. “You didn’t say anything you weren’t supposed to, did you?” Allison asked.

“No, I didn’t. Give me a little credit. I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Good.” Allison’s expression lightened as she let go of Abbey’s arm. “Now let’s duck into one of these conference rooms so we can go over things one more time.”

*******

Hayden and her mother sat in a row of benches that resembled church pews behind the prosecutor’s table.

“What did she say to you?” Sara asked.

Hayden sighed. “Nothing really. She said we shouldn’t be talking to each other at least until all this is over.”

“She’s right. You shouldn’t be talking to her at all…ever, especially after all that’s happened.”

“Mom, I told you, Abbey didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Well, if she didn’t do anything wrong, why are we here? Obviously, someone thinks she did something wrong. Terribly wrong.”

Hayden lowered her head. She knew Sara was furious when she got the call from Mr. Tucci, the school board president, then the certified letter requiring her to be here. She called her at school and demanded that she come home immediately. Hayden figured that her mother was angry at Abbey because she trusted her, even thanked her for all the things she had done for Hayden. Knowing her mother, she also knew she was angry at herself for feeling duped. But that wasn’t the only betrayal that took place.

After the call from Mr. Tucci, Sara grilled Hayden like a New York prosecutor. Hayden would answer her questions but as sketchy as possible. She never did tell her the entire story of what transpired that night: the night she kissed Abbey. That this was something she longed for, and when Abbey asked her if this was what she wanted, she said yes and that she meant it with her whole heart. 

Hayden was afraid to tell her mother the truth. As far as she knew, there was no good way to tell your mother that kind of information. But the thing that scared her most was that if she came clean, her mom would stop loving her. She had heard terrible stories about how so many parents abandoned their kids when they found out they were gay. She couldn’t bear to lose her mom. She was the only constant in her life. If she lost her, she would truly be alone.

Hayden looked around at all the goings-on: people shuffling though papers, the court stenographer loading paper into her funny-looking computer. Newspaper reporters and a very pregnant TV reporter with a cameraman from the local NBC affiliate hovered in the back of the room looking for a juicy story that would score them points with their editors. It all seemed so senseless to Hayden. How could something that was so beautiful in private turn into such a publicly humiliating affair? 

*******

Allison instructed Abbey on their strategy one last time. “When the school’s attorney calls you to the witness stand, answer his questions as briefly as possible. Do not, and I repeat do not, offer any extra information.”

“What if I think it will help my case?”

“Trust me, it won’t. I’ve see so many cases lost due to chatty defendants on the stand. Just remember short and to-the-point answers. Got it?”

Abbey nodded. “Got it.”

Abbey followed Allison to the defense table. Her stomach churned, and she thought for a moment she would have to find a bathroom quickly when she saw the reporters and the TV camera in the back rows.

“I thought this was supposed to be a closed hearing,” Abbey said.

“It was, but the press somehow got wind of it, and because it’s not an ‘official legal proceeding,’ they complained to the board that they had the right to be here.”

Abbey took some deep breaths, and the nausea subsided. Allison opened her briefcase and took out a legal pad and two pens.

The conduct hearing was set up much like a regular courtroom hearing. There was a witness stand and a defense table, as well as a prosecutor’s table. The school board, the superintendent, and the president of the school board, who would be running the proceeding, and someone from the Office of Professional Conduct for the state of Ohio would serve as the disciplinary board.

“You doing okay?” Allison smiled at Abbey.

“To be honest, I feel sick.”

“I’m sure it’s just nerves. Try to relax.”

“Relax? How am I supposed to relax when my career and my dignity are at stake?”

“Calm down. This isn’t going to help your case.”

Abbey’s adrenaline level kicked up a notch. “I’m scared, Allison. I’m really scared.”

“I know. No one wants to be in this situation. I’m going to do my best to get you out of this. You need to remember that the burden of proof is on them. They have to prove you did something unethical and that damage was done. Just hang in here with me. Okay?”

Allison filed through her notes while Abbey gazed around the room. Everything seem surreal to her. How could she have gotten herself in such a predicament? But the bigger question was, how was she going to get out of it?

In her head, she replayed the conversation she had the previous night with her mother. She didn’t know who else to call, and at four in the morning, her options were limited. Seeing all the cameras and all the press people, she was glad she got the chance to explain to her mom what was going on. It was better for her mother to hear it from her than to read it in the morning newspaper or see it on the news.

Abbey told her mother, Carol, that she and Ann had ended their relationship. Abbey was surprised, especially since she and Ann had spent every holiday at her parents, that her mother didn’t seem the least bit upset about the breakup. But when she told her what the school board was accusing her of and that Ann might have had something to do with it, Abbey’s mom said in her quiet monotone voice, “It doesn’t surprise me that she would do something like this.”

Abbey was shocked to hear her mother say those words. “What do you mean it doesn’t surprise you?”

There was a brief silence on the other end of the phone line. “She always seemed so…controlling.”

“Really? Well, if you didn’t like her, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you. She obviously meant a lot to you. It wasn’t my place to intervene. For God’s sakes, Abigail, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. You’re my daughter, and I love you.”

Abbey swallowed hard as she fought back hot tears. “Mom, I’m sorry to put you through this.” 

“Honey, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know you’ve worked hard to become a teacher. Your father and I are very proud of you for that. Hopefully, it’s all a big to-do over nothing, and everything will work out in the end.”

Although her words were encouraging, Abbey couldn’t help but hear the underlying disappointment in her mother’s voice. Her mother asked if she wanted her to come to the hearing. Abbey said no, not wanting to put her through the humiliation of seeing her daughter be accused of being a sexual predator.

But right now, she was having second thoughts. She had never felt so alone and wished that her mother was here to comfort her.

Richard Woodruff, the attorney for the school district, came in and sat at the prosecutor’s desk. He was a well-dressed man, almost completely bald except for a monkish fringe of mousy brown hair. He glanced over at Abbey, and she quickly looked away. Sitting behind the prosecutor’s table was Hayden and Sara. Abbey made a conscious effort not to look in their direction.

Abbey took some more deep breaths and was beginning to feel a little better when a few seconds later, Ann came in. She was alone and seated herself behind Hayden and Sara.

Abbey’s stomach knotted when she saw Ann. She hadn’t seen her in two months. Her face looked drawn. She looked tired and weary. Sadness washed over Abbey. She remembered the vacation in Tuscany, how wonderfully close she felt to Ann then, and wondered how they got to this place in their lives. Those once loving feelings now felt muted like they were covered in thick cotton. Why would Ann put her through this? Put them both through this? Ann had to have known that in her effort to expose Abbey, she was exposing herself, as well. Did she really hate Abbey that much to jeopardize her own career?

There was no jury at the hearing, but there was a court stenographer who sat at the ready to begin transcribing the proceedings. Several people, including a few parents of former students and a handful of Abbey’s colleagues, sat in the gallery behind the attorneys’ tables. Father Walters was there, as well as the assistant principal, Sister Eugene. Sitting next to Father Walters was the bishop of the diocese. Seeing the bishop there suddenly made Abbey realize this was a bigger deal than she had imagined.

*******

The school board members filed in, as well as a representative from the Office of Professional Conduct. They took their seats in front of the room. Mr. Tucci served as the hearing moderator. A uniformed police officer, who served as a bailiff, closed the door. “All rise. This hearing will now come to session.”

After the Pledge of Allegiance, Mr. Tucci and the board members took their seats and the hearing began.

“Our task today is to determine if Miss Abigail Spencer’s conduct regarding her now former student, Hayden Crissman, was in violation of the school’s conduct code of ethics,” Mr. Tucci said. He nodded in the direction of the prosecutor’s table. “Mr. Woodruff, you may begin with your opening statement.”

Mr. Woodruff stood, buttoned his jacket, and cleared his throat. “Abbey Spencer has been described by school officials as a popular and highly regarded teacher by her students and colleagues. Many of those colleagues and students report having an outstanding professional relationship with Miss Spencer, but we are here today because it seems that she may have carried on a different kind of relationship with an underage student. The goal at every level of education is to provide an academic environment that is conducive to learning. Ethical behavior by teachers is essential in building a positive trusting bond between student and teacher. Certain boundaries are put into place to maintain a safe, civil, and respectful environment for the student. If those boundaries are overstepped by the teacher, that teacher’s credibility can be seriously damaged, therefore damaging that teacher’s effectiveness in the classroom.”

Abbey sat at the defense table listening to the words being said about her. An overwhelming wave of despair came over her as she watched Mr. Woodruff return to the prosecutor’s table. 

Allison immediately stood. “Abbey Spencer is an outstanding, dedicated teacher. She is well respected by her colleagues, as well as her students, and has worked numerous hours, many uncompensated, helping her students to achieve their educational goals. All those things Mr. Woodruff said about education are true. It is imperative for students and teachers to form a trusting bond. And yes, there are boundaries that are to be maintained in student-teacher relationships. But the events that we are discussing here today took place outside of the student-teacher relationship. Although Hayden Crissman was seventeen at the time, the age of consent in Pennsylvania is sixteen. Also, Hayden graduated June 5, severing the teacher-student relationship. The event in question didn’t take place until later that month, after Hayden had already graduated. Hayden Crissman was not Miss Spencer’s student at the time these allegations were made. Actually, she hadn’t been a student in any of Miss Spencer’s classes since her junior year, so nothing criminal, illegal, or unethical took place. So to not waste any more of your or the board’s time with this matter, I am asking that any and all charges and or sanctions against Miss Spencer be dismissed.”

Abbey watched as Allison confidently took her seat next to her. At this moment, she felt sure she picked the right attorney. This woman knew her stuff and how to deliver it in a no-nonsense manner, Abbey thought.

Allison’s words made her feel not so hopeless. Maybe this would turn out all right after all.

The representative from the Office of Professional Conduct turned and whispered something to Mr. Tucci. He then turned to the other members of the board, who nodded in agreement.

Mr. Tucci stood. “The board has requested an emergency executive session. The proceeding will resume after the executive session.”

The board members filed out of the room.

Abbey looked over at Allison. “What’s happening?”

“They’re going to determine if it’s worth their while to proceed with the case or to drop it.”

“Really, just like that? How can that be?”

“Because what they’re trying to charge you with has no teeth. No laws were broken. No crime committed. It’s what I’ve been telling you all along.”

“So why don’t they just end it here? Why have another meeting about it if it’s so clear nothing illegal happened?”

“The executive session is private. These sessions are used to talk about personnel issues before making a decision. Apparently, the board and the rep from the Office of Professional Conduct have some questions to discuss before moving forward. My guess is they’re trying to determine whether it’s worth their time and effort to let this case proceed. We’ve stated the facts, which show there is no case. Hopefully, they will do the right thing.”

“So this could be all over, just like that?”

“We can only hope.”

Chapter Twenty-nine

Allison went over her notes as Abbey sat quietly beside her. Ten minutes passed and no word from the board. Twenty minutes that felt like an hour passed and still no word.

Abbey stood. “I can’t sit here and do nothing. I’ve got to get out of here. Get some fresh air or something.”

“Don’t go too far. They could be back any minute. I think I saw a vending machine in the hall. Why don’t you go get a snack or something? And remember, don’t talk to anyone.”

Abbey slipped out of the hearing room and into the hallway next to the cafeteria. She found the vending machine, but the items offered, even her favorite Twix bars, made her queasy. The pregnant reporter from the local TV station appeared at Abbey’s side holding three quarters in her hand. Abbey stepped back and allowed her to make her selection. She chose a Snickers bar.

“So how are you holding up?”

Abbey smiled politely. “I’m okay.”

“Seems like this is the most excitement this town has seen in a while.”

Abbey looked around at the number of people in the hall who couldn’t find seats in the hearing room. “Apparently.”

“Do you think this case would have gotten this much attention if you were a male teacher involved with a female student?”

When Abbey didn’t answer, the reporter fired off another question: “Do you regret pursuing the relationship with Hayden Crissman?”

Allison’s warning not to talk to anyone rang loud and clear in her head.

“No comment,” Abbey said and dashed down the hall, leaving the reporter standing at the vending machine.

Abbey looked back and watched as the reporter took a bite of her candy bar, then waddled down the hall and back into the hearing room. Before returning to the defense table, Abbey walked the length of the hall five times to blow off some steam.

Allison looked up when she returned to the table. “You okay?”

“The reporter for the TV station started asking questions about the case over at the vending machine.”

Allison raised one well-groomed eyebrow. “What did you say to her?”

“Nothing. I told her no comment.” Abbey’s knees were still trembling. Her heart felt like it was stuck in her throat.

“Excellent.” Allison sighed and relief washed over her face. 

“Did you get something to eat?”

“No, my stomach’s still not feeling too good. I figured anything I ate would come right back up. So I passed.”

“Good decision.”

Allison looked toward the door when she saw the bailiff enter the room. “Here we go.” 

“All rise,” the bailiff announced, and the board returned. The board members and the representative from the conduct board took their seats; Mr. Tucci remained standing.

“After discussing the circumstances of the case, the board wishes to pursue the issue and continue on. Request to have the charges against Miss Spencer dropped is denied.”

“You gotta be kidding me,” Allison said under her breath. She got to her feet. “Mr. Tucci, on what grounds has the board decided to continue?”

“The representative from the conduct board said he wasn’t convinced that something illegal didn’t transpire and requested to hear further testimony on the matter.” Mr. Tucci took his seat. “Mr. Woodruff, call your first witness.”

Allison returned to the table, plopped down in her chair, and tossed her pen down on her legal pad.

Abbey buried her face in her hands. “I knew it was too good to be true.”

Mr. Woodruff stood and called his first witness. “The prosecution calls Professor Ann White.”

Abbey did not look up as Ann took the stand. She could hear the click, click, click of her high heels as she walked across the hardwood floor. Abbey would know those footsteps anywhere. Ann raised her right hand and rested her left hand on a Bible. “Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

“I do.” Ann sat in the witness chair and crossed her long legs. She was dressed in an impeccably pressed navy blue suit and black leather pumps, which made her look like the poster child for ethical behavior.

“Professor, please state your name for the record,” Mr. Woodruff said.

“Ann White.”

“What is your occupation?”

“I’m a professor in the English Department at Mercyhurst College in Erie, Pennsylvania.”

“Professor White, how do you know the defendant?”

Ann gave a nervous cough. “Miss Spencer and I shared a house in Erie for a number of years. We were housemates.”

“Do you live together now?”

“No.”

“And why is that?”

“Because Miss Spencer moved to Youngstown where she teaches at St. Mary’s High School.”

“Professor White, can you tell me the reason you’ve been asked to be at this hearing today?”

“I observed Miss Spencer in a compromising position with one of her students. As a responsible educator, I felt it my duty to step forward and report what I saw to protect the student.”

“That’s bullshit!” Abbey whispered to Allison. Allison put her hand on Abbey’s shoulder to quiet her.

“I got this,” she told Abbey, then bolted out of her chair. “Objection!” Allison said. “Motion to strike that from the record. In previous communications, we have established that with the timeline of the events, Hayden Crissman had already graduated and was no longer Miss Spencer’s student.”

“Sustained. Please strike the last part of Professor White’s statement from the record,” Mr. Tucci said.

Mr. Woodruff walked back to his table and flipped through his notes. He approached the witness stand again. “Professor White, can you tell me what happened on June 7 that led to your complaint?”

Abbey shifted in her chair. Inside she was seething. She looked directly at Ann, and Ann stared down at her lap. She pressed her lips together and swallowed hard.

“Miss Spencer and I had had an argument, and I had come to her hotel room to try to patch things up. Miss Spencer told me she needed some time to think things over and that we could talk more about her returning to our house again later, so I left. When I came back to the Holiday Inn that afternoon, I went to Miss Spencer’s room and found she wasn’t alone.”

“Who was in the room with her?”

“Hayden Crissman.”

“What were they doing when you got there?”

“Abbey…I mean, Miss Spencer…had answered the door. Hayden was sitting on the bed. The bed was unmade.”

“What did Miss Spencer say to you when you came back to the room?”

“She asked me what I was doing there.”

“What was your response?”

 “I told her I had come back to finish our conversation about whether she was coming home or not.”

“How was her demeanor? Was she glad to see you?”

“No, absolutely not. I got the feeling I walked in on something, like I was intruding.”

“Did Miss Spencer ask you to leave?”

“Not at first, but the longer I was there, the more upset she became.”

“What do you think upset Miss Spencer?”

“I think she felt guilty about being caught in a hotel room with an underage former student.”

Allison got to her feet. “Objection! The witness is speculating what the defendant thought.”

“Sustained. Continue, Mr. Woodruff.”

“So did Miss Spencer ask you to leave?”

“Yes. Eventually.”

“And did you leave when she asked you to?”

“Yes, absolutely. To be honest, I really didn’t want any part of what was going on there.”

Abbey could feel her pulse pounding in her temples. She leaned over to Allison. “This is a bunch of crap. She’s acting like Mother Teresa up there,” she said, loud enough for the entire room to hear her. The hearing room went silent, and all eyes were on Abbey. She wished she could disappear through a trap door into the floor.

Allison touched Abbey’s arm to stop her from talking again. She tore off a page from the legal pad and slid it and a pen toward her. “If you have anything you want me to know, write it down,” Allison whispered.

Abbey nodded.

“Before you left the hotel room, is that when you took the picture of Miss Spencer and Hayden?”

“No.”

“When did you take the picture?”

“When I came back up to the room.”

“Why did you go back if Miss Spencer asked you to leave?”

“Because the more I thought about it, the more it felt wrong to leave that girl alone with Miss Spencer and not do anything about it.”

Abbey took the piece of paper that Allison gave her and scribbled out a message. She slid it over for Allison to read. “She’s lying! That’s not why she came back. She came back to spy on us!” Abbey wrote.

Ann continued with her testimony. “When I came down the hall, that’s when I saw her and Hayden standing in the doorway kissing.”

“And that’s when you took the picture?”

“Yes.”

“Could what you observed happening between Miss Spencer and Hayden had been nothing more than an innocent kiss goodbye, a just between friends kiss?”

“No. It looked like more than that.”

Abbey grabbed the paper back and scribbled another message to Allison and shoved the paper across the table. Allison glanced down, read the note, and nodded. Frustrated with Allison’s lack of response, Abbey began writing again. Allison took the pen out of Abbey’s hand and wrote on the paper: “Settle down!” Allison took the paper and pen away and stuffed it into her briefcase. Abbey slouched back in her chair with her arms folded across her chest.

Mr. Woodruff continued. “What happened after you took the photo, Professor White?”

“Miss Spencer became irate. She was so angry at being caught that she chased me down the hall.”

“Thank you, Professor White. Your witness, Miss Winters.”

Allison stood. She gave Abbey a look conveying no further outbursts and walked over to Ann. “Professor White, something tells me you’re not telling us the entire truth about your relationship with Miss Spencer.”

Ann looked down, avoiding eye contact with Allison.

“Professor White, you said you and Miss Spencer lived together for several years, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“In what capacity did you and Miss Spencer live together?”

“We were housemates,” Ann said, looking toward the panel.

“Were you and Miss Spencer ever intimate during the time you lived together?”

“Objection,” the prosecutor shouted. “The witness’s character isn’t in question here.”

“Miss Winters, what is the relevance of this questioning?”

“I think it’s relevant to establish that Miss Spencer and Professor White’s relationship may have been more than platonic.”

“Please answer the question, Professor,” Mr. Tucci said.

Abbey looked up at Ann. She could see Ann’s jaw muscle flick angrily. A sense of satisfaction washed over her. Abbey knew Ann didn’t want the details of their life together out there in the open for everyone to see. But Ann did this. She instigated it, and it looked like she wouldn’t be walking away from this without a few scars of her own.

“Abbey and I were partners.”

“Partners in business?”

“No.” Ann hesitated. Abbey was on the edge of her seat wondering if Ann would tell the truth or commit perjury to save her own dignity. “In a relationship.”

“A romantic relationship?” Allison asked.

“Yes.”

There it was. The one thing Ann feared most. Out in broad daylight. Abbey was sure it would be out in the newspapers, too.

“Professor White, may I ask what prompted you to bring these charges against Miss Spencer?”

“I felt that what Miss Spencer was doing was unethical. I wasn’t happy with her behavior, and I needed to put a stop to it.”

“Professor White, ethical standards are not intended to make illegal every action that makes somebody unhappy,” Allison said. “If that were the case, aren’t you guilty of unethical behavior yourself? After all, isn’t it true that you and Miss Spencer began your relationship while Miss Spencer was your student at Mercyhurst? Actually, that would be something to look into now, wouldn’t it?”

Mr. Woodruff stood. “Objection! The witness is not on trial here.”

“I’ll allow it,” Mr. Tucci said. “Professor White, please answer the question.”

Ann looked down and her hands that were knotted in her lap. The room was silent.

“Professor White? Please answer the question,” Mr. Tucci repeated.

“Yes, Miss Spencer and I did have an intimate relationship, but it was different because Miss Spencer was eighteen when we met, unlike in this case where Hayden Crissman was still a minor.”

“Still, Professor White, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Miss Spencer a student in your literature class at the time you began a relationship with her?”

Ann nodded.

“Can you speak your answer for the record please?”

“Yes,” Ann answered.

“So in a way, you are just as guilty of what you are accusing Miss Spencer of.”

“Objection! Professor White’s character isn’t on trial here.”

Allison looked directly at Ann. “Maybe it should be.”  Allison turned and walked back to the defense table. “No further questions.”

*******

Ann was excused from the witness stand and Mr. Woodruff called Hayden as the next witness. Hayden raised her right hand, and the bailiff administered the oath. Hayden sat stiffly in the wooden witness chair.

Mr. Woodruff approached the stand. “Hayden, can you tell me why we’re here today?”

Hayden looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. “Professor White thought Miss Spencer and I did something wrong.”

“Do you understand why Professor White would feel that way?”

“Because she doesn’t think Miss Spencer and I should be together.”

“Hayden, on the night of the incident, did you feel threatened in any way by Miss Spencer?”

“No, sir.”

“Did you feel that at anytime you were with Miss Spencer you could stop what was happening, stop Miss Spencer’s advances?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Did you try to stop Miss Spencer’s advances?”

Hayden hesitated. She knew if she lied, Abbey would be in a lot of trouble with the school board, but if she told the truth, she’d be in a lot of trouble with her mother.

“Hayden? I know this is difficult for you, but we need you to answer Mr. Woodruff’s question,” Mr. Tucci said.

Hayden looked up. She needed a moment to gain her composure. “Can you repeat the question?”

Mr. Woodruff walked closer to the witness stand. “Hayden, did you try to stop Miss Spencer’s advances toward you in the hotel room?”

“No, sir.”

“Why not?”

“Because I care about Abbey, and it was what I wanted, too.”

“Are you saying you encouraged Miss Spencer’s advances toward you?”

“Yes, sir. And I think it was wrong of Professor White to intrude like she did. It wasn’t any of her business what was going on between Abbey and me.” Hayden looked over at Abbey. “I love Abbey. And I wanted to be with her. What’s so wrong with that?”

There was a rumble of voices in the hearing room. Hayden looked over at her mother, who looked as shocked as everyone else.

*******

Tears pricked at Abbey’s eyes as she watched Hayden on the witness stand. She felt bad for putting this wonderful girl through this. She certainly didn’t deserve it.

“Hayden, you do understand the premise here? You were still underage when this took place. One could say Miss Spencer used her position, as someone you may have once looked up to, into coercing you into committing ‘unnatural acts.’”

Allison leapt to her feet. “Objection! What are we living in—the 1950s? It’s 2010, for God’s sake. Can we cut out the homophobia?”

“Miss Winters, please show some respect for the clergy in the room,” Mr. Tucci said.

Mr. Woodruff returned to his table. “Your witness, Counselor.”

Allison walked up to the witness stand. “Hayden, it’s quite apparent how you felt about Miss Spencer. When you were alone with her, did you feel as if you were in any danger?”

“No, ma’am.”

“If during your encounter with Miss Spencer you felt you needed to stop or leave, do you feel she would have respected your decision?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“What makes you feel so certain?”

“Because she asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted.”

“And you told her?”

“I told her yes. I was sure.”

“But, Hayden, the law says you were underage, not yet eighteen yet, at the time of the encounter. Supposedly not yet able to make those decisions for yourself. Looking back now, does it change how you feel about your decision of what happened that night?”

“I’m eighteen now, and I don’t feel any different than I did last summer. I would have made the same choice today as I did then.”

“Nothing further.” Allison walked back to the defense table.

Mr. Tucci stood. “We’d like to break for a fifteen-minute recess.”

Hayden got up from the witness stand as the hearing room emptied out, leaving her alone with her mother. Her mom extended her hand to her and directed her to sit next to her on one of the benches. Hayden couldn’t look at her mom. It was too painful to see the disappointment in her eyes.

“Hayden, don’t you think we should talk about this?” her mother asked, her voice soft and gentle.

Hayden looked up. Tears threatened in the corners of her eyes.

“Mom, I don’t know what to say…I’m sorry, I guess.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you…”

“It’s not the easiest thing to tell your mom…Mom. I was scared if you found out that you would think I was a pervert or something and that you would stop loving me.”

“That’s ridiculous. Nothing in this world would ever make me stop loving you.”

 “Really?”

Sara looked Hayden straight in the eye. “Yes, really. All I want for you is to be happy. This may not be the lifestyle I had in mind for you, but if this is what makes you happy, then so be it.”

A wave of relief washed over Hayden. 

“I wish you would have felt comfortable telling me before you went all through this. It must be hard to keep that a secret.”

“It was. It’s like you’re two different people. I think the biggest struggle was actually admitting it to myself, at least until I met Abbey.”

“You really care for her, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. And when I found out that someone as wonderful as she had the same feelings I did, that’s when I realized being gay couldn’t be all that bad.”

Sara pulled Hayden close. “I love you, kiddo. Nothing will ever change that.”

Chapter Thirty

During the recess, Abbey saw Sara extend her hand to Hayden. It certainly couldn’t have been easy for Sara to sit through Hayden’s testimony and hear that her daughter might be gay. She hoped things between them would survive this day. Abbey raced off to the restroom while Allison stayed in the hearing room to update her notes. Abbey pushed through the heavy wood door of the ladies’ room. She reveled in the peacefulness of the cool green tile and the soothing quiet.

She was so tense when she stepped into one of the stalls. Her entire body felt like a tightly wound coil ready to spring loose. Before she left the hearing room, Allison told her she was the only witness left to be called and that she needed to be ready for anything the prosecutor would throw at her. Abbey sat and wrapped her arms around her stomach as if that would help the nausea go away. In her gut, she wasn’t sure she could hold it together long enough to be effective on the witness stand.

As Abbey sat in the stall, she could hear voices as the door opened. From underneath the stall, she saw a pair of black cowboy boots enter the restroom. Abbey stood and for no other reason than to look like she had a reason to be there, she flushed the toilet. She opened the stall door, and to her surprise, she saw Calli Karra standing there.

“Hi, Miss Spencer.”

*******

Abbey turned the water on at the sink and washed her hands. “Hi, Calli, what brings you here?”

“Hayden told me what happened. I came here to support her.”

“Oh, I see.” Abbey grabbed a paper towel from the counter and dried her hands. Just what she needed, someone else to judge her.

Calli stepped closer. “For what it’s worth, I think what they’re trying to do to you is wrong.”

“Excuse me?” Abbey was taken aback by the statement.

“Hayden told me what happened between you two. She told me she had never felt that way about anyone and that for that short time, she had never felt happier.”

“That’s nice of you to say. Thank you.”

A few minutes later, a girl with stunning blue eyes and short spiky black hair stuck her head in the doorway. “Calli, you coming? They’re getting ready to start.”

“Thanks, Jo, I’ll be right there.”

Abbey looked at Calli, and Calli smiled. “That’s my girl, Jo.” Calli shrugged. “Who knew?”

Abbey smiled. “I’m happy for you. Take care of yourself and each other.”

*******

The proceedings started again. “The prosecution calls Miss Abigail Spencer to the stand.”

Abbey walked to the witness stand and took the oath. Even though the temperature in the hearing room was a cool sixty-eight degrees, Abbey felt the silk blouse under her blazer pitting out. She took a deep breath as she sat and steeled herself for the prosecutor’s questions.

“Please state your name for the record and your occupation.”

“Abigail Spencer. I’m an English teacher at St. Mary’s High School.”

“Miss Spencer, educators are expected to nurture the intellectual, physical, emotional, social, and civic potential of each student. Is that right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Nowhere within this ethical code does it state that the teachers have any right to come into sexual contact with the students. Is that right, Miss Spencer?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So how did you decide that there would be nothing wrong with having sex with a minor who was once your student?”

Abbey inhaled slowly. She glanced over at Allison, who nodded, apparently encouraging her to answer the question as they rehearsed.

“Hayden is my former student. She graduated in June. I was not aware of her age at the time because many of the seniors in high school turn eighteen throughout the school year.”

“But this girl was only seventeen. Shouldn’t you have checked that out before seducing her?”

“Objection!” Allison yelled.

“I’ll allow it,” Mr. Tucci said. “Answer the question, Miss Spencer.”

“Are you suggesting that I should have checked her identification beforehand?”

Allison shot a look over at Abbey, mentally telling her to cut the sarcasm.

“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” Abbey took a deep breath. “As long as I’ve known Hayden, she was always so mature and responsible. Part of me did consider it, but my feelings for Hayden were genuine.”

“You stated that Hayden had been acting responsibly. Are you referring to the fact that she had to drive you back to your hotel that night because you were intoxicated?”

“Objection! Where is counsel going with this?”

“Mr. Woodruff, how is this related to today’s proceedings?”

Mr. Woodruff walked back to his table and pulled a pink sheet of paper and handed it to Mr. Tucci. “This is a summons for public intoxication given to Miss Spencer by the Presque Isle Police Department during the evening she was with Hayden Crissman in Presque Isle.”

Mr. Tucci looked over the summons, then handed it to the other board members.

“I’ll allow the question. Proceed.”

“As a matter of fact, Miss Spencer, weren’t you so intoxicated that you were unable to drive yourself home?”

“Objection! That matter is a separate case, and the summons has already been taken care of. Miss Spencer has paid her fine. I don’t see the relevance of that here.”

Mr. Woodruff turned to Allison. “It’s relevant, Counselor, because your client was not only intoxicated, she was in the presence of a minor.”

“I’ll allow it,” Mr. Tucci said. “Miss Spencer, please answer the question.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“And didn’t you have to rely on Hayden to get you safely home?”

“Yes.”

“Objection! This isn’t the issue we’re addressing here. Can we stick to the matter that brought us here?”

“Fine,” Mr. Woodruff said. “Miss Spencer, if you didn’t think what you were doing was wrong, why did you ask Hayden if she was sure this is what she wanted to do…to be intimate with you?”

“To be honest, sir, I would ask that of anyone I was about to get involved with intimately. All I know is what we felt for each other was genuine. At no time did I think she felt forced to be intimate with me. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel that way. Age was never a factor.”

“Well, it matters if you want to remain a teacher here in Ohio,  Miss Spencer.”

Mr. Woodruff returned to his table. “No further questions.”

Allison stood and walked over to Abbey. “Miss Spencer, was it ever your intention to do harm to Hayden Crissman?”

“Of course not.”

“Was the encounter between you and Hayden consensual?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know that for sure?”

“Because she initiated it.”

“Hayden initiated the encounter? How so?”

“She kissed me.”

“Then what happened?”

“I asked her if she was sure this was what she wanted, and she said yes.”

“If she would have told you no, this isn’t what I want or I’m not sure, what you have done?”

“I would have stopped.”

“That being said, do you feel any remorse for your actions?”

“My feelings of remorse are for Hayden because she didn’t deserve to be put through this. I understand that Hayden was at a point in her life where she was discovering who she was. I have always believed that the first time you fall in love is the time that makes the most impression on you for the rest of your life. I regret that by my actions, I may have made that process more difficult for her. For that, I am truly sorry.”

Allison turned to the hearing panel. “Mr. Tucci, as you can see by the facts in this case, the only thing my client is guilty of is having a consensual relationship with a former student. The age of consent in Ohio and Pennsylvania is sixteen. Hayden was well past that at the time of the incident. Hayden was not unconscious or mentally impaired by drugs or suffering from a mental disability that would render her incapable of giving consent. By testimony of the witnesses, including Hayden Crissman, this was a consensual act, and therefore no crime was committed. I ask that the charges against Abbey Spencer be dropped. Abbey Spencer is a great teacher. She loves teaching and is dedicated to her students receiving the best education possible. Can St. Mary’s School afford to lose someone like Abbey Spencer? I don’t think so.”

Allison returned to the defendant’s table. “Nothing further, Mr. Tucci.”

Mr. Tucci stood. “Miss Spencer, you may step down. I hereby request that we go back into an executive session to determine the results of this case.”

The conduct panel retreated down the hallway into a private office and closed the door.

Abbey took her seat next to Allison. “Now what?”

“Well, we wait.”

Abbey looked behind her at the gallery. Calli and Jo were sitting in the back of the room. The bishop had remained for the entire proceeding and gave no sign of leaving. The only seat that was empty was Ann’s. She must have left for a bathroom break or to call Jackson. Whatever it was, Abbey didn’t want to run into her in the hall, so she decided to stay put.

Abbey sighed. “What do you think is going to go on in there?”

“Hopefully, they’re going over the evidence and deciding that you didn’t do anything wrong. They know no crime was committed, but being a parochial school, sometimes they make up their own rules. For them not to look bad, they may have to determine some kind of punishment they have to bestow. Public perception is important to them, especially after all the heat they got over the pedophile priests.”

“Great, so you’re telling me they were against me from the beginning?”

“The one thing in your favor is that your record up to this point is clean. So they basically are deciding whether to make an example of you or do the right thing and punish you in accordance with the seriousness of the crime, which we have established there wasn’t one.”

“So what does your gut tell you?”

“If they absolutely feel they must punish you somehow, I’m thinking a slap on the hand like a three-month probationary period where you would have to report to the principal at the least, revocation of your teaching license at the worst. We’re dealing with a Catholic school, remember, and homosexuality, unfortunately, is still a big taboo for them.”

Abbey nodded. Her head throbbed and her body felt numb. She just wanted this to be over.

“I’m going to get some coffee, do you want some?” Allison asked.

“No thanks.” Abbey thought if she put anything in her stomach, she would surely throw it up now.

Abbey sat at the defense table with her head in her hands. She felt distraught. If the board found her guilty, she didn’t know if she could go through losing one more thing that was important to her. She looked up and saw Ann had returned to her seat. Sitting alone in the gallery, she looked like this was the last place she wanted to be, too. Abbey had to fight the urge to go over to Ann and ask her if this was all worth it. Was it worth giving up a good life and a devoted partner just to get revenge? As she looked at Ann, a multitude of feelings came over her that she didn’t understand. Was she angry at Ann for what she did to their life or because one more thing that was supposed to last forever didn’t?

Allison returned with a Styrofoam cup of coffee.  She took a sip. “Ugh, you were right to pass on the coffee. This is the worst I ever tasted.” She dropped the full cup in the small wastebasket under the table. “I guess I should have known better. We are in a middle school. Not a lot of coffee drinkers attend here.”

Abbey smiled. She knew Allison was just making small talk to try to take some of the stress off the situation. She looked over at Allison. Abbey had never been around such an open, positive person like Allison. She felt lucky to have found her. 

After about a forty-five-minute deliberation, the board members re-emerged from their session. The reporters and other observers filed in and took their seats. Hayden and Sara remained in the front row. Ann, however, was no longer sitting behind them. Abbey looked around the hearing room. Ann was nowhere in sight. This disturbed Abbey more than if Ann had been there. It felt like an omen, that something really bad was going to happen.

“You ready?” Allison asked.

“I guess so.” Abbey swallowed and scanned the faces of the board members for a sign of what the verdict may be. Nothing…not one clue.

Mr. Tucci stood and cleared his throat. “The board has reached its decision.”

Allison and Abbey stood before the panel.

“Miss Spencer, what we’re dealing with here is twofold. First, we have the issue of conduct unbecoming regarding the incident where you received the summons for public intoxication while Miss Crissman was in your presence. In the school district bylaws, that offense constitutes a punishment of suspension of one to five years, discretionary, of course. The board feels that under the circumstances, even though your judgment was not the best in that situation, they have decided that you already received punishment for that offense and do not wish to add anything more.”

Abbey looked at Allison as Mr. Tucci read over the allegations. She clutched the edge of the table because she felt like she was going to faint.

“Then there is the issue of the inappropriate relationship. The school district’s policy does not allow teachers to become involved socially with their students, especially in romantic relationships. That’s grounds for termination,” Mr. Tucci said. “Although it has been proven that nothing criminal occurred and Hayden was not directly Miss Spencer’s student at the time of the incident, the board still considers what occurred as an inappropriate relationship and an ethics violation, one we cannot let go unpunished.”

Abbey swallowed hard, bracing herself for the verdict.

“As you know, the school district maintains the discretion whether to employ an educator who has been found guilty of such violations. Therefore, it has been determined that Miss Spencer’s teaching license will be suspended for one year beginning immediately.”

Murmurs erupted from the gallery. Abbey felt like her legs were going to come out from underneath her.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Allison said under her breath. “This is absurd.”

“May I have your attention please?” Mr. Tucci shouted over the crowd. “We are not finished with this proceeding.”

The room quieted down, and Mr. Tucci continued.

“During her suspension, Miss Spencer will be required to attend sexual harassment and conduct classes before returning to a teaching position. After completion of her classes, she will then be subject to psychological testing that will render her fit to return to the classroom.”

Abbey felt like she was punched in the gut. She couldn’t believe what was happening. Was she actually losing her job?

“This hearing is adjourned,” the board president said, and the room erupted in movement. Flash bulbs from the reporters’ cameras went off. A reporter from the Vindicator approached them, but Allison took Abbey by the arm and led her into one of the private offices.

“Are you okay?” Allison asked.

Abbey began hyperventilating. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Allison got Abbey a chair. “Take some deep breaths,” Allison suggested, trying to calm Abbey down.

Abbey went over and over in her mind, trying to make sense of it all. The wound was too fresh to comprehend. Boy, could she use a drink right now.

Abbey’s breathing began to slow to a more normal rate. Allison touched her arm. “Abbey, I’m sorry it turned out this way. I was hoping to have everything thrown out.”

Abbey was feeling much calmer. “I’m sorry, too. I know you did your best. Thank you for everything. I really do appreciate it. I guess things could have turned out a lot worse.”

“We can appeal the board’s decision if you’re up to it. I still believe this case has a lot of merit. It never hurts to try.”

Abbey shrugged.  She wasn’t sure she had the strength to go through this all over again. “Do you need an answer right now?”

Allison smiled. “No, but if we’re going to appeal, we only have thirty days after their decision.”

Allison and Abbey waited until the crowd dispersed before leaving the sanctuary of the private office.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right?” Allison asked as she walked with Abbey down the deserted hallway.

Abbey nodded. “I’ll be fine. Thank you again for everything you’ve done.”

Allison smiled and left the building. Abbey stood in the hall alone. She felt fifty years older now than she did when she entered this building almost eight hours earlier. 

*******

As Abbey stepped outside into the bright fall afternoon, sunlight beams seemed to ignite the orange and red maple trees that lined the sidewalk. Abbey’s breath caught in her throat when she saw Ann standing at the end of the sidewalk. Abbey averted her eyes and tried to walk quickly past her, hoping to get to her car before Ann could reach her.

As soon as Ann saw her, she ran up to Abbey and blocked her path. “Abbey, we need to talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you. Please get out of my way.” Abbey tried to shoulder her way past Ann.

“Abbey, please.” Ann grabbed her by the arm.

“Get your hands off of me!” Abbey wrestled her arm from Ann’s grasp.

“Look, I’m sorry. You’ve got to believe I never meant for this to get so out of hand.”

Abbey stopped dead in her tracks. “Sorry? You’re sorry? Really? Let me tell you about sorry. I’m sorry I ever met you.  Had I realized what a selfish, controlling, manipulative human being you were, I would have never wasted my time with you.”

Abbey took a minute to catch her breath and pull herself together. She was determined not to cry. “I loved you, Ann. I loved you with all my heart and you threw that away. I would have done anything for you, but you used me like you used everyone else who comes in contact with you. You know, when we were together, I always felt like I was inferior to you. You were the highly educated professor, and I was the lowly high school English teacher. And when I was your student, every word you said to me was golden. I idolized you. But when I look back at everything we’ve been through, I realize it was all part of your little game. I hope you’re happy that you’ve succeeded in destroying my life, but you know what, you won’t come out of this mess unscathed. The truth about you is finally out. I wonder how the powers that be at Mercyhurst will feel about you now? You’re a user, Ann. You’re mean and selfish and you use people for your own amusement. Hell, my mother even saw it.”

“Your mother? What’s she got to do with this? I always got along well with your mother.”

“Well, not anymore. She’s on to you, too, and if one good thing comes from this day, it’s that I never have to see you again.”

Abbey pushed her way around Ann and hurried to the parking lot. Breathlessly, she reached her car and fumbled with the keys to unlock the door when she heard a voice behind her.

“Abbey, wait a minute.” Abbey turned and saw Hayden standing there. Abbey felt bereft and desolate and just wanted this all to end. Her shoulders slumped forward in resignation.

“I’m sorry you lost your case. It’s not fair what they’re doing to you, and I’ll do whatever I can to get them to change their minds.”

Abbey turned toward Hayden. “Thank you for that. But I’ll be all right. I think the time off may do me some good.”

“Everything I said in there I meant. I know this isn’t the right time, but maybe someday we can see each other again.”

Abbey reached out and touched Hayden’s arm. “Hayden, you’re a wonderful girl. I’m so glad you came into my life. But right now, I’m a mess, and you deserve more than I can ever give. I need to find myself and you need to do that, too. Go to college, pass your boards, and enjoy your life. I know with your compassion, you’re destined to be a great nurse. During that time, I hope you’ll fall in love with someone who can give back to you all that the wonderful things that you deserve. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Not dealing with court orders. Try to forget about me and what happened here. Think of it as a lesson well learned.”

“I could never forget about you.”

“And I’ll never forget about you, either.”

Abbey squeezed Hayden’s arm and opened the car door. Hayden had tears in her eyes. “Take care of yourself.”

 As Abbey pulled away, she looked in the rearview mirror and saw Hayden still standing there. Suddenly, she was aware that her face was wet with tears. She’d lost her home, she’d lost her job, and she’d lost what she thought was the love of her life, but the thing that surprised her the most was that she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

For the first time in her life, she wasn’t accountable to anybody. Abbey realized that even though she had lost everything near and dear to her heart, the one thing she did have was her freedom. Freedom to live her life on her own. Free at last.

Epilogue

Abbey got off the plane at Logan Airport and made her way through the concourse to terminal C to catch her Cape Air flight to Provincetown. This was her third trip to Massachusetts this year, but her first time in Logan. She had applied for a teaching position at Provincetown High School, and she was hoping at this interview they would offer her the job. Provincetown High was totally different from St. Mary’s. The biggest thing was that she didn’t have to be afraid of who she was and didn’t have to hide her identity. The next best thing was that it put a lot of miles between her and Ann.

Even though Ann destroyed everything she and Abbey had together, she still persisted in trying to persuade Abbey to come back to Erie and start over. But Abbey wanted no part of it. Even though she was lonely at times, the hell Ann put her through was enough to keep Abbey away.

During the year she was suspended, Abbey took a part-time job at Borders during Christmastime to get through the lonely holiday season. She stayed on at Borders because the work was easy, and it gave her something to do other than sit in her kitchen and stare out the window.

She also took on a few tutoring jobs but found it difficult to do much of anything else. Even though it had been almost a year since the conduct hearing, she still felt the weight of the stigma from the board’s decision. When it came time for her to reapply at St. Mary’s, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t shake the humiliation and the feeling that she didn’t belong here anymore. 

As winter began to release its icy grip on northeastern Ohio, Abbey decided enough was enough. If she didn’t do something now, she would be stuck in this miserable existence forever, so she decided to get out of town. The trips she took were short at first—a day trip Marblehead to see the lighthouses or to Catawba to tour the vineyards.

Sometimes she would get in the car with no actual plan and just drive. That’s how she ended up in Provincetown. The first warm day in the spring after the hearing, with the thick scent of hyacinths in the air, Abbey packed up the Mustang and headed east. She had intended to head toward Cape May, a family vacation favorite where she loved to walk on the beach when it was still deserted, but something told her to head to the Massachusetts cape. She had heard of Provincetown, never been there, and was curious about the freedom of the gay lifestyle.

She drove the entire eighteen hours in one shot. She was exhausted by the time she reached Commercial Street but was amazed at what she saw. Same-sex couples walking in public holding hands. How wonderful to be able to live your life so open, she thought as she cruised down Commercial, then up Winthrop to the Bay Berry Inn.

Ruth and Cami, the innkeepers of the Bay Berry, were warm and welcoming. When Abbey signed in, Ruth looked over Abbey’s information.

“You’re from Youngstown?”

“Yes, have you heard of it?”

“I’ve not only heard of it, Cami and I are from there. What a small world.”

It was on that first visit that she inquired at the high school if there were any positions opening up in the fall.

*******

Abbey rolled her suitcase into the Cape Air terminal. Behind the service desk stood a customer service agent dressed in a retro 1960s stewardess uniform complete with silver wings pinned to her chest just above her name tag that read “Betty.” Hair the color and texture of a Brillo pad spilled out from under her pillbox hat.

“Hello, welcome to Cape Air. How can I help you today?”

Seeing a middle-aged woman dressed in stewardess getup and all, Abbey wasn’t sure what to think. She hoped the airline had kept up with technology since the sixties.

Abbey smiled and pulled out her ticket and driver’s license and handed it to Betty. “I like your uniform.”

“Thanks. The airline is promoting ‘retro days.’ They’re trying to bring back the luxury of air travel.”

Betty scanned Abbey’s ticket. “Oh, you’re registered with Flight 1472. That flight has been canceled.”

“Oh, no! You’re kidding.”

“No, ma’am, “I’m afraid not. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

“Now what do I do? Is there another flight leaving today? I have an appointment at four p.m. in Provincetown.”

“I have one more seat on Flight 1474, it leaves at…” Betty squinted at her computer screen, “three ten.”

Abbey looked at her watch.

“That’s not for another two hours.” Abbey sighed. “Great. I’ll have to call the school to tell them I might be late for my interview. Is that for sure on the flight time?”

“Yes, ma’am, it’s scheduled to leave at three ten. That will put you in Provincetown at a little past three thirty.”

“Okay, I’ll take it.”

Betty entered Abbey’s information into the computer and handed her a red plastic card with a large black number five in the center that would serve as her boarding pass. “Oh, one more thing, I need to know how much you weigh.”

“Excuse me?”

“We need to know how much you weigh so the pilot knows how to distribute the weight in the plane.”

Abbey was really having second thoughts about this plane ride. “One hundred twenty-two pounds.” At least that’s what she weighed the last time she weighed herself, probably a year or so ago.

Betty made a note of Abbey’s weight in the computer. “All set. You can wait in the area over to your left. There are free coffee and doughnuts if you like.”

Abbey forced a smile, still concerned about missing the interview and losing her chance at a great job. “Thank you.”

She found a seat in the waiting area, which was surrounded on all sides by huge plate glass windows. It was neat to see the planes coming into and out of the gates. She got a cup of coffee but passed on the doughnuts. All that was left was half a chocolate donut and a smattering of colored sprinkles. Anyhow, the weight thing really bugged her. The dress pants she had on felt a little tight. Maybe once she got to Provincetown, she would start running again, maybe on the beach.

The waiting area was deserted except for two bodies huddled under a Cape Air blanket. Maybe their flight got changed, too, Abbey thought as she pulled out the latest Jodi Picoult novel and began to read.

Abbey glanced up at the couple who were emerging from their blanket cocoon. They were two young women, dressed in fashionably torn jeans and colorful T-shirts. One of the women stretched her arms over her head and looked at the other like she was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She grabbed her hand, and they headed out to the airport concourse, probably to find something more edible than stale doughnuts.

Abbey felt a pang of loneliness deep inside. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone looked at her that way. Well, she could—Hayden. But that didn’t count…did it? 

Since her breakup with Ann, Abbey reluctantly went on a few dates. Most of them arranged by Sharon, whom she kept in touch with on a regular basis. They were nice enough women, but Abbey figured she wasn’t ready to get involved yet.    

Abbey returned to her book, and a few minutes later, she thought she heard someone call her name. She looked up, but no one was there. After reading the same line three times, she gave up on reading and closed her book. She walked over to the window and watched as a huge United Airlines 747 was maneuvering its way into a gate when she heard someone call her again.

“Abbey, is that you?”

Abbey turned around. As their eyes met, Abbey felt a shock run through her.

“Hayden? What are you doing here?”

Hayden’s face split into a wide grin. “I’m heading to Provincetown.” Hayden showed Abbey her red plastic boarding pass with a big number six in the middle. “Calli and Jo are getting married this weekend. They’ve asked me to be in their wedding.”

“They’re getting married? Really?”

“Yes, they’ve been together almost two years. They moved to Provincetown last summer. Jo got a job at an art gallery on Commercial Street, and Calli is taking art classes at Cape Cod Community College and waitressing at Bayside Betsy’s. They seem very happy.”

Abbey plopped down into one of the beat-up chrome and black leather seats. “Wow.”

Hayden sat next to her. “So how have you been?” Hayden asked, her voice soft and caring.

Abbey looked at Hayden, and her heart turned over. She was surprised at the tenderness she saw in Hayden’s eyes. An unexpected warmth surged through her.

“I’m doing okay.” Abbey smiled. “I’m on my way to Provincetown, too. I have a job interview at Provincetown High School for a teaching position.”

Hayden grabbed Abbey’s arm. “Abbey, that’s great!” Hayden’s face flushed. She let go of Abbey’s arm, afraid she may have done something inappropriate.

Abbey reached out and touched Hayden’s hand. Hayden looked up and Abbey smiled. “Yes, it is great. I finally feel like I’m getting my life back in order. So how are you doing? How’s school going?”

“I really like it. Made the dean’s list three semesters in a row.”

“Atta girl. See, I knew nursing would be your niche.”

Hayden looked down. “I don’t think I would have gotten there without you. Thank you…for everything.”

“Hey, you’re the one doing the work. You got yourself there. I had little to do with it.”

The two women returned to the waiting area with two huge cups of Starbucks coffee and the biggest cinnamon rolls Abbey had ever seen.

“Hello.” Both women smiled at Hayden and Abbey. “You headed to P-town?” one of the women asked.

“Yes,” Abbey said. “Is that where you’re going?”

“Yes, we live there. I’m Connie, and this is my wife, Kathy.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Abbey, and this is Hayden.”

“So how long have you been together?” Connie asked.

Hayden and Abbey looked at each other. “Oh, we’re not together,” Abbey said.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Well, for what it’s worth, you look like you’d make a cute couple.” Abbey and Hayden blushed. “So…what brings you to P-town?”

“I’m applying for a job there. At the high school.”

“Oh, cool,” Connie said. “Are you a teacher, too?” She directed the question toward Hayden.

“Oh, no. I’m a student at Mercyhurst in Pennsylvania. I’m in my second year of nursing.”

“P-town is a great place. We love it there.”

“Now boarding Flight 1474” came over the loudspeaker.

Betty came around from behind the desk. “Looks like everyone is here for the flight. If it’s all right with everyone, the pilot would like to depart early.”

“That would be great,” Abbey said.

She and Hayden picked up their carry-ons and followed Connie and Kathy down the stairs to the tarmac where they would board the plane.

The plane looked awfully small to Abbey. She was starting to have second thoughts again about the flight.

Hayden looked over at Abbey. “You doin’ okay?”

“I’ve never been on a small plane. I never told anyone, but I’m a little claustrophobic.”

“I was nervous my first time, too. It’ll be okay. You can sit with me.”

The inside of the plane was no bigger than a station wagon. Abbey broke out in a cold sweat and felt her heart start to race. She felt the coffee she drank earlier slosh around in her stomach. She made a mental note not to drink or eat anything until after the flight. She didn’t have to worry about that because there was no aisle to push a beverage cart down.

The cockpit was so close, Abbey could see the dials and gauges from where she and Hayden were sitting. Although that should have made her feel better—that there would be no surprise announcements from the pilot that they were going to lose cabin pressure or that they had the unlucky fortune of flying into a flock of geese and would have to make an emergency landing—it didn’t. The only good thing was that the weight thing worked out where Abbey could sit with Hayden.

“There’s no restroom on this thing.” Abbey looked in the front, then into the back of the aircraft.

“The flight is only twenty minutes,” Hayden said.

“I know, but what if I gotta go?”

“Do you have to go now?”

“No, I’m good.”

Hayden smiled. It appeared she found Abbey’s nervousness amusing. “Then I wouldn’t worry about having to go during the flight. Anyhow, the airport in Provincetown is small. You can get off the plane and be in the restroom in under sixty seconds.”

Connie and Kathy took their seats and fastened their seat belts. Hayden helped Abbey adjust hers since the last passenger must have had a size forty-eight waist.

The pilot boarded the plane and folded himself into the pilot seat. Good thing he wasn’t a big guy, he never would have fit in the cramped quarters. Abbey watched as he adjusted a few dials. The plane rumbled to life, and Abbey’s nervousness accelerated. She looked over at Hayden.

“Here, hold my hand.” Abbey felt a surge of excitement shoot through her heart when Hayden slipped her hand into hers.

As the plane taxied down the runway, Abbey looked at Hayden and was overcome with emotion. Feelings she had bottled up for years came gushing out. She felt tears sliding down her cheeks.

“What is it?” Hayden asked.

It took a minute for Abbey to find her voice. “You are such a wonderful person…Even after everything I put you through, you still…you’re still nice to me.”

“Abbey, I care about you. I told you I always would.”

“I’m just not used to it, I guess.”

“Well, you should get used to it. You deserve to be cared for.”

Suddenly, the plane jilted forward and raced down the runway. Abbey closed her eyes tight and clutched Hayden’s hand for all it was worth. Seconds later, they were airborne, climbing in the beautiful blue late summer sky.

“Wow, look at that,” Hayden said.

Abbey forced her eyes open and turned toward the tiny window. She still had a death grip on Hayden’s hand.

“That’s the bay, and over there is the coastline of the cape.”

Abbey leaned over. Her heart was still pounding “Wow, it’s beautiful.”

As the plane continued its journey along the coast, Hayden kept pointing out landmarks, lighthouses, and beautiful bayside homes, and Abbey’s anxiety began to fade away.

“Boy, wouldn’t it be cool to live in one of those places?” Hayden asked.

“Yes, it sure would.”

Hayden looked over at Abbey. “Doin’ better?”

 Abbey nodded. “And to think I was scared to do this. It’s really pretty up here.”

Hayden sighed. “Sometimes we have to do things that scare us. It’s what makes life worth living, don’t you think?”

Abbey looked at Hayden, and the tears threatened again. “When I met up with you in Erie, I was really scared. I had so many mixed feelings, and the better part of me had no business feeling about you the way I did. But part of me is so glad I got to know you, not only as my student, but as the smart, beautiful woman I knew you would become.”

Hayden sat motionless in her seat. No one, other than her mother, said those things to her. “I was afraid, too. Before I got to know you, I had feelings I didn’t understand. Everything I read or was told about being gay was that it was wrong, but being with you made it feel right.”

Abbey looked at Hayden, who had tears in her eyes, too. Her heart swelled with emotion. The sudden contact of the landing gear with the runway brought her out of her reverie.

“Oh, my god. We’re here?” Abbey held her hand over her heart.

“Yep, welcome to Provincetown,” Connie said from the seat behind the pilot.

 The plane cruised down the runway, which was no longer than a driveway. Hayden was right about the Provincetown airport being small. The terminal was no bigger than a two-car garage. The pilot taxied up to the terminal, turned the plane around, and cut the engine in front of a large garage door, which apparently was baggage claim.

Connie and Kathy were the first off the plane. Before leaving, they turned to Hayden and Abbey. “Hope you enjoy your visit to P-town. Maybe we’ll run into you on Commercial Street.”

“It was nice meeting you,” Abbey and Hayden said.

Abbey’s legs felt like rubber as she got out of the plane. She and Hayden walked to the baggage claim area and found their suitcases.

“Hayden! Over here.”

Standing in the waiting area was Calli and Jo. Both girls looked dumbfounded when they saw Hayden and Abbey together.

“Hello, Miss Spencer…”

“Abbey, please call me Abbey. I’m not your teacher anymore, Calli.”

“Abbey…so…” Calli looked at Hayden for an explanation.

“We ran into each other at Logan. Abbey is here for a job interview at Provincetown High School.”

“Oh.” Calli said.

Abbey looked at her watch. “Oh, my gosh, I better get going. If I hurry, I’ll just make the interview on time.”

“We can take you there,” Calli said.

“That would be great. Thank you.”

The four women headed toward the parking lot and piled into Jo’s Subaru Outback: Jo and Calli in the front, Hayden and Abbey in the back.

“Hey, congratulations on your wedding,” Abbey said. “That’s really cool.”

“Thank you,” Jo said. “Even though it’s only valid in Massachusetts, it still means a lot to us to be able to do it.”

Abbey glanced over at Hayden. She was feeling so many things and wanted to say so much but didn’t know how. In a few minutes, they would be pulling up to Provincetown High, and maybe this would be the last time she would see Hayden. The thought of never seeing her again scared her enough to give her the courage to slide her hand over and hold Hayden’s hand.

Hayden looked up, her feelings clearly visible in her smile.

“So where do we go from here?”

“We could start with dinner after your interview. Maybe we’ll have something to celebrate,” Hayden said.

“That would be great.”

Jo pulled up in front of the school entrance.

Hayden scribbled down her cell phone number on a gum wrapper she picked up off the floor of Jo’s car. Abbey took the wrapper and clutched it like a good luck souvenir. Later she would program the number into her iPhone.

“I’ll call you when I’m finished. Wish me luck.”

“Good luck, Abbey,” Hayden said.

“Good luck, Abbey,” Jo and Calli chimed in.

Everyone in the car burst out in laughter. “Thanks, I’ll see you soon.” Abbey opened the car door. Before she got out, she leaned over and kissed Hayden gently on the lips. “Is that okay?”

“It’s more than okay.” Hayden said. “It’s a dream come true.”

About the author

Maria V. Ciletti is a registered nurse working as a medical administrator.

Her writing credits include “Don’t Sing: Growing up Lesbian in Catholic School,” which was published by Taylor & Francis in their Queer and Catholic anthology in July 2008. A non-fiction story, “Taking Care of Ellie,” was published in the anthology Voices of Caregiving by La Chance Publishing in 2009, edited by the Healing Project.  Her work has also appeared in many short story anthologies.

Her first novel, The Choice was published by Haworth Press in May 2007 and reprinted as an e-book by Intaglio in 2010. Clinical Distance, the sequel to The Choice, was published in May 2009 by Intaglio Publications. Her third novel Collide is a finalist for a GCLS award for traditional romance.

Maria is a member of the Golden Crown Literary Society and Romance Writers of America. She lives in Niles, Ohio, with her partner, Rose. She can be contacted through her Web site at www.mariaciletti.com.

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Clinical Distance

by Maria Ciletti

ISBN: 978-1-935216-03-2

In the sequel to The Choice, Clinical Distance begins six years later with Mina Thomas, who has finished medical school. After divorcing her husband, Sean, and losing Regan Martin, the love of her life, Mina sets out on a quest to make her way in the world and to find the love she lost. Mina dates—a lot—but after many meaningless rendezvous with nameless women, Mina decides to give up on finding love and devotes her time solely to her career as chief resident at City Hospital.

However, one night after having dinner with her best friend and confidant, police Sergeant Rosemary Rosetti, Mina discovers that the love she was searching for might possibly have been right under her nose all along. That’s when Regan steps back into Mina’s life.

Will Mina sacrifice her heart for another chance at love, or will she keep a clinical distance?

Collide

by Maria V. Ciletti

ISBN: 978-1-935216-14-8

Sometimes you have to shed the identity of who you think you should be to live your true life.  Sometimes that identity gets ripped right out from under you.

Renee Cardone and Anna Maria Castrovinci had been best friends since kindergarten at St. Vincent’s School, but when they were fifteen, their friendship turned into something more. Even though their attraction felt genuine and pure, guilt hovered over them. Although Renee loved Annie, she was afraid about the unnatural relationship, according to her Catholic upbringing, that she and Annie had fallen into.

Annie, intent on living a life acceptable to society, began to date Tom Del Fino, which broke Annie’s heart. Renee tried to explain that what they had together was nice, but it wasn’t real. She knew Tom could give her what she needed.

Renee and Tom married and built a respectable life together. They had a good marriage and two beautiful daughters. Then fate slapped them in the face and flipped Renee’s life upside down.  That’s when she met Dana Renato.

Dana had it all. A lucrative career as a writer, a home she loved and a partner she adored. Then all of it came crashing down around her. She loses her partner to breast cancer, and the home they shared is threatened by her partner’s estranged family. The only thing she has left is her writing, which takes her away from home and puts her in a small town in Northeast Ohio. There she meets Renee and their lives collide.

The Choice  in ebook

by Maria Ciletti

What if you had to risk losing the people you love to become your true self?

What if you had to make the choice between losing everything or being true to yourself? The Choice explores the difficult struggle Mina Thomas, a nurse with a loving husband and a successful career, endures after meeting Regan Martin, an attractive nurse she is assigned to mentor. Long-buried desires are awakened within Mina, pushing her toward the need to make the choice that, in one way or another, will forever change her world.

Mina’s life is comfortable and successful, though unfulfilling. She and her loving husband contemplate having a child to help build a happy family. Regan enters her life, beautiful, intelligent—and incredibly desirable. Mina must somehow work through her own feelings to discover who she is inside, and the choice she finds herself faced with threatens all she knows and has worked for. The Choice is a novel of love and loss—and surviving the tough journey one must take to be true to herself.

Published by

Intaglio Publications

Walker, La.

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