Table of Contents

Copyright by Karen Surtees and Nann Dunne

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Acknowledgments

Thank you to Cathy LeNoir of RCE, artist Donna Pawlowski, and editors Lori L. Lake and Jane Vollbrecht for making this edition possible.

Abig hug to my best buddy, Nann, who despite long delays from me managed to persevere and stick with the story and me.  A big thank you also has to go to several computer techs (who have no idea who they are) who fixed my laptop and managed to get it back to me in the middle of the Indian Ocean within six weeks.  To my friends and family both in England and the USA who put up with my tantrums and hair pulling when things weren't going well.  Lastly but not the least to every single one of you that have emailed both Nann and me for you support and appreciation.

-- Karen Surtees

To Karen (Kas), as always, who nourishes the tree of my dreams with her generous, loving, and unselfish spirit.  The depth of pleasure that writing with her has brought me cannot be measured.  Her support has been a true reflection of the adage, "A friend in need is a friend indeed."

Also, to my friends and family and especially my parents; and to all who continue to offer me encouragement, particularly Laney, Sue, Boots (Lou), and her pal Snoopy.  You are immensely appreciated.

-- Nann Dunne

All of life you travel

On many a winding road,

Walking, wheeling, hobbling,

Or pushed or tripped or towed.

You learn to just keep moving

No matter what you load.

Som roads lead to soul mates

And some, you're all alone.

Good luck, bad luck, hard luck

Everywhere you roam,

With many roads to travel

Before you know you're home.

From "Many Roads"

© 2000 Nann Dunne

All Rights Reserved

Many Roads to Travel

Book 2 in The TJ & Mare Series

by

Karen Surtees and Nann Dunne

Chapter 1

"Why don't you sit down for a while? You've been pacing back and forth for hours now," said Paula.

"I feel better if I'm moving," Mare replied, tension clearly showing in her voice.

For a hospital office, the room was moderately comfortable; the thick plush carpets prevented Mare's incessant pacing from creating the repetitive sound of footsteps crossing the room. Not even the view from the window that covered one whole wall had stopped her trek for more than several seconds. Every now and then she would stop and stare at the muted television screen, then quickly look away. Unable to watch TJ's operation for any period of time, her anxious eyes lingered just long enough to reassure herself that everything was okay.

The three women had started out in the waiting room outside the operating theater. Mare’s dad had offered the use of his office but Mare wanted to be close by. Every five minutes, however, she had asked either Erin or Paula to go check the monitor in the office. In the end they had just all moved into the office so that they could keep an eye on proceedings.

Erin and Paula sat on the couch, finding it much more comfortable than the chairs in the waiting room. At least in here Paula could keep her broken leg elevated. Although a week had passed since the accident, the leg still pained her if she used it too much.

Erin sat behind her partner, arms wrapped closely around her body. Her blonde head rested on Paula's dark one, but her eyes were fixed to the screen in front of her while Paula's followed Mare.

The dark-haired woman had tried restraining herself, but she couldn't keep quiet any longer. "By the time the operation's over, you'll be exhausted and absolutely no good to TJ if she needs you. Now sit down." This came out a little more forcefully than she had intended, but it had the desired effect and Mare finally sat down.

Within a couple of seconds, however, Mare was tapping her foot on the floor and her fingers on the arm of the chair. Paula sighed and turned her head to Erin. "I'm going to take her out for a while or she's going to explode."

"Okay, love," whispered Erin. "Don't go too far; I'll come get you if anything happens." She kissed Paula on the forehead, helped her get to her feet and handed her the crutches.

With her balance now assured, Paula hobbled across to Mare. "Come on, let's get out of here for a few minutes. Erin will keep an eye on what's happening."

"Sorry, I know I’m being a pain," apologized Mare as she got to her feet.

"Hey, no problem. You're concerned; we all are. But things are going okay and there isn’t any point in getting wound up." Paula draped her arm around Mare’s shoulders. "Believe me, there are going to be more than enough occasions for that in the next few months. Come on, we can grab some coffee in the cafeteria." Paula led Mare to the door and pulled it open, casting a quick look in Erin’s direction before she closed it behind her.

As soon as the door closed, Erin grabbed the remote control and turned the volume back up. Originally, Mare had lowered it, unable to listen to her father’s calm voice talking about what type of incision he was going to use, and how he would resect the previous scar tissue in the area.

Dr. Gillis had a brilliant setup in the operating room. Cameras and microphones were located in strategic places; by choosing a different channel you could see a different view. More importantly to Erin, Michael kept up a running commentary throughout the procedure, fully explaining every decision and action. The resultant videotapes would be used for teaching, but it also enabled Erin to follow what was happening.

Erin could understand how unnerving Mare was finding the wait. It wasn’t every day your own father operated on your soulmate, and despite the fact that Michael had told them that the procedure wasn’t very complicated, a lot was riding on the outcome of this.

Already they had run into problems: TJ had more scar tissue around her old injury than they had anticipated. They spent longer than planned removing it, taking care not to transect any nerves buried within. And for some unknown reason, TJ’s blood pressure kept dropping. She was stable at the moment but Erin could tell from Michael’s voice that he was concerned.

With the volume turned up she was able to listen to what was going on. Michael’s voice was full of authority as he spoke. His words were precise, and anyone not associated with TJ’s case would be hard pressed to tell that he had a personal stake in the outcome of the operation.

"You're right, Dr. Morton, there is a substantial amount of damage in the area." Erin watched as Michael pointed to a section of TJ’s spine. "If you look closely, you can see that the bullet caused damage not only to the T-11 area but also to the T-10 and T-12 areas. Our patient was lucky in the sense that if the damage at T-10 had been more severe, the mobility and control she has now wouldn’t have been present. You can see here," Michael pointed with a probe, "where the bullet fragmented on impact. At the time of the original injury these fragments were inaccessible and over time they have calcified. The patient's recent Road Traffic Accident has shifted those fragments enough so that now we can attempt to remove them."

A nurse's hand came into view, slipping a retractor into the incision in TJ’s back; the nurse then pulled back giving a clearer view. Erin's stomach turned and her eyes skidded away. It was easy to watch this sort of thing on a TV program, but it was another matter when you knew the person it was being done to.

Erin forced her eyes back again as Michael continued speaking. "Dr. Morton, from the MRI scan we have been able to determine that the spinal cord wasn’t actually transected, but compressed. What type of complications can we expect?" Erin leaned forward, fascinated despite her unease.

"Well, classically, compression injuries don’t recover well after a period of time. With the amount of time that has passed since the original injury, it is unlikely that this patient will ever be able to walk again; however, with advancement in steroidal treatments, we may expect a degree of sensation to return. We also run the risk of actually severing the cord ourselves. The fragments causing the compression may have calcified around the cord and by attempting to remove the fragments we may cause further damage."

"Is there anything else that might cause us concern?" asked Michael. His hands carefully lifted pieces of bone away or moved tissue from the area he was attending to. There was a deafening silence as his co-surgeon pondered his question. "What about post-op recovery?" Michael prompted.

"Er… well, there may be some problems with return of sensation," replied the unseen Dr. Morton.

"Such as?"

"Usually, return of sensation is accompanied by pain. Pain control is essential for good recovery."

"Excellent, Jack. What type of analgesia would you use?" inquired Michael, relaxing his manner now that Dr. Morton had passed muster on his inquiries.

"A morphine derivative is indicated, though we would have to monitor the patient's condition closely. It is easy to push a physically disabled person into respiratory arrest. I’d also be inclined to give medication through a Patient-Controlled Analgesia pump… at least initially."

"Okay, people, let's get some extra light in here and try to get the bigger fragments now that we’ve cleared the smaller debris." The scene became brighter as more lights were directed at the operation site. Then Michael’s head entered the picture and blocked Erin’s view. With a quick flick through the various channels, she found a clearer picture, allowing her a better angle.

Mare and Paula were quiet as they slowly plodded down the well-lit, carpeted hallway. Not that their footsteps would have been that loud; both were wearing sneakers. The dress of the day was casual, jeans and shirt. In the temperature-controlled environment, anything heavier would have been too hot.

"I didn’t realize this would be so hard," said Mare quietly.

Paula looked over at her. "It’s always this hard when it’s someone you love, sweetheart. And I hate to say this to you yet again, but this is only the beginning."

Mare shrugged and stopped walking. "I know. I think my major problem at the moment is not being able to be with her. If I could reach out and touch her hand, or give her a hug, I’d be okay. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it?"

Paula laughed and tugged Mare back into a slow walk. "Anything but, in fact. Over the last few months you and TJ have become extremely close. I never thought I’d see anyone closer than Erin and I are, but you and TJ are made for each other. And if you think you're bad, you should have seen TJ if she knew you were coming to the house."

They reached the end of the hall where it turned and ran along the outer edge of the building, the windowed walls providing patients and visitors with a view of the manicured lawns just outside. "She was impossible," explained Paula as she slid onto one of the couches provided. "Erin or I would walk into her office to find her mooning; getting any work out of her was like pulling teeth. Then about an hour before you would be due, she’d be in a total panic, trying to get everything ready and perfect for you."

Mare sat down next to Paula, looking at her incredulously. "You’ve got to be kidding me, right?"

"Yeah, like I’d make this up. She was like a kid waiting to open her presents on Christmas day. And let me tell you something, if it was you in there and her out here she’d be ten times worse."

Mare laughed. "I guess we’re lucky it’s her then, huh? I can just see her tearing up and down the hallways in that chair of hers… god, it would be bedlam."

"You said it. Your dad would be lucky if his unit was still standing by the end of it." That set both of them off laughing again.

"Oh, lord," said Mare sometime later as the laughter subsided, " Thanks, Paula, I think I needed that."

"You're welcome… I needed it, too."

Mare raised her hand and brushed a lock of Paula’s brown hair from her face. "Are you and Erin holding up okay?"

Paula ducked her head and her hands began to fiddle with a thread on her jeans. "I’d be lying if I said we were great; this has hit us both pretty hard. We thought that we had got through the worst of it but now that this has happened, seems as though we are back at square one." Paula looked up and Mare, seeing the tears glistening in her eyes, quickly pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, hey," whispered Mare. She rocked Paula, her hand slowly rubbing up and down her back in a soothing motion. She felt Paula’s tears trickle onto her shirt and soak through. "Everything is going to be all right. TJ’s going to make it through this and so will we." Mare's voice held conviction and determination. She told TJ from the start that she would be there no matter what and she wasn’t about to let a little hardship come between her and that promise. And if that meant having to get Paula and Erin through it, too, then that was what she would do.

"I’m sorry," said Paula, wiping at her face. "I didn’t mean to land all that on you. I was supposed to be trying to keep your mind off the operation."

"Hey, you did a good job. Besides we’re friends, aren’t we? And that's what friends are for."

Paula smiled at her. "Yeah, you're right. You want to go get that coffee, or go back?"

"I’d like to get back. I’m sure if we ask Dad’s secretary Martha, nicely, she’ll get us coffee if we want it."

"Come on, then." Paula got to her feet and pulled Mare up behind her and the pair walked back the way they had come.

Paula pushed open the door and walked in. She saw her lover leaning forward, arms resting on her legs, her face a picture of concentration. "How’s it going?"

Erin looked up, her expression grim. "They’ve had to stop. Her blood pressure fell again."

"Shit!" exclaimed Mare as she walked in. "They have any idea why it keeps happening?"

"Your dad and the anesthetist think she’s having a reaction to the anesthetic."

"What are they going to do?" Mare dropped into the seat next to her.

"Lighten the anesthetic, see if that makes a difference."

"Has Dad said anything about the time?" Originally her dad had told her he expected the operation to last about four hours, but, with all the problems, minor as they were, that they had run into, they were reaching that time now.

"Another couple of hours maybe. He was just about to go in for the bigger fragments. He said something about just getting the one that was compressing the cord the most and getting out if they couldn’t stabilize her pressure." All eyes turned back to the monitor as her dad’s voice came over the speakers and the operation resumed.

Time ticked by slowly, as they watched the operation progress. TJ’s pressure dropped on two more occasions and Michael decided to call it quits after he removed the larger fragment. Due to the precarious nature of the operation site, it took almost as much time closing up as it had opening. Each layer of muscle had to be perfectly replaced and sutured in such a way as to prevent over-buildup of scar tissue. Michael had wanted to insert metal rods to stabilize the damaged vertebrae now that the fragments had been removed but that had to be put aside until they could put TJ under without the concerning drop in blood pressure. At the end of the operation they knew that the hardest part had been completed, but they also knew that another operation would be needed in the future.

As soon as the cameras were turned off the girls scrambled to their feet and left the office, heading for the recovery area. Mare knew her father would stay with TJ until he was satisfied that she would be okay. Then he’d come out and tell her what was happening and, with any luck, she’d be able to go in to see TJ.

Mare hurried through the hallways, leaving Erin and Paula to get to the waiting room at their own pace. Wanting to be there as soon as her father left the operating theater, she rushed into the tan-colored room, avoiding the potted rubber plants by inches. Brown leather couches were placed around the room and there was even an entertainment system installed; but Mare ignored all of it to pace before the green door with the portal window that led into the recovery area.

As Paula hobbled into the room, Erin walked slowly by her side and guided her to the couch nearest where Mare was pacing. It had been a long day and the strain was beginning to tell on her partner. The dark smudges beneath Paula's eyes were more pronounced and she looked paler than she had that morning. I doubt I look any better than either of them, Erin mused as she took Paula’s crutches and propped them against the wall. Sighing, she ran a hand through her curly locks.

Mare hadn’t acknowledged their arrival and Erin was convinced that she didn’t even know they were there. Off in her own world, worrying about TJ. She ought to spend some of that time on herself. If she’s not careful she isn’t going to be well enough to help TJ. Think we’ll have to try to find some way to get her out of the hospital to relax one night this week.

Chapter 2

Michael Gillis pulled off the green surgeon's cap and removed the blue facemask he’d worn in the theater. He was disappointed and his face showed it. The surgery should have been pretty straightforward despite the potential risks involved and he was at a loss to explain why TJ’s blood pressure had persisted in falling. They had done everything that the protocols demanded they do: given fluids, administered vasoconstrictors, even reduced the depth of the anesthesia, and still her pressure remained unstable. Nothing in her old notes suggested that there would be a problem; in fact, all her previous operations had gone without incident.

The laceration in TJ's side and her dislocated shoulder shouldn't have any bearing on her blood pressure. Michael was beginning to wonder whether he’d missed some other injury from the accident, but nothing had showed up on the blood tests, EKG’s or the scans they had performed. It was quite possible that TJ’s body was just letting them know that it had had enough.

His green eyes wandered over the room where a myriad of green-clothed nurses was administering to his daughter’s partner. He’d ordered more blood tests and another EKG, just to be on the safe side, and TJ also was being measured for a turtle shell brace to be used later. Now he had to go and explain to his daughter what went wrong. He took a deep breath and looked through the portal window in the door. He could already see her pacing about. Ah well, better go see her before she wears a hole in my carpet. He swiped at the moisture on his forehead and pushed through the door, letting it swing closed behind him.

Mare heard the door open and redirected her pacing to take her straight into her father’s embrace. She clasped hold of him tightly and his arms wrapped around her in a comforting hug. Then she slowly released her hold and looked him straight in the face.

"She’s fine. It will be a while before she comes around, but all things considered she’s done well." He put as much conviction as possible into his words, wanting to ease the worry he saw in his daughter's face.

The tension that had taken over Mare's body relaxed its hold somewhat. "Her blood pressure?" she asked, wanting all the facts.

"Come on, let’s sit down and I can tell all of you what’s going on." He took hold of Mare’s elbow and guided her to a seat near Erin and Paula. Michael smiled at the two women. He still found it hard to accept the type of relationship that Erin and Paula had, found it even harder to accept Mare's relationship with TJ. But he had seen the love between the two couples and the joy that shone on their faces when their partners were spoken of or entered the room. And he couldn’t begrudge either couple the love he still sought.

"Okay then, first things first. TJ is stable; her blood pressure is still a little low but nowhere near as low as it was during the operation. The operation itself was pretty successful. We managed to remove several smaller bullet fragments and one of the larger ones that had us concerned. There are still several fragments at the injury site, but they are unlikely to cause any trouble even if they do shift slightly. Because of the problems with TJ’s blood pressure, I wasn’t able to insert the metal rods along her spine that I wanted to, so she's being measured for a turtle shell brace for when she is able to sit up and start her physical therapy."

"A what?" Mare leaned forward, frowning.

"It’s a plastic brace that will be fitted around her torso, from pelvis to sternum," replied Michael, taking hold of Mare’s hand. "She'll wear it during the day to support her spine until she has healed enough and built up enough strength to do without it."

Mare took a deep breath and released it. "How long will she be in it?"

"That is hard to judge, sweetheart. She was in one after the initial injury and recovered very well. But it may be up to three months, or even more if there are complications."

He looked over to Paula and Erin who were listening intently. "We’ll start physical therapy in the next few days. I want to make sure that her legs are kept flexible. We’ll also concentrate on building up the shoulder she dislocated and helping her regain her upper body strength. Then, hopefully, we’ll get her standing and possibly walking with braces and crutches."

His eyes came back to his daughter's and softened sympathetically. "But this isn’t going to happen in the next few weeks, Mare; we are talking months of rehab."

Mare's lips pressed together in a tight grin. "Okay, I understand that, Dad." She nodded slowly and looked down at her hands to give herself time to get her emotions under control. After a moment, she looked up. "What about the rods you wanted to insert?" she inquired, wondering how TJ would react to months of physical therapy and hospitalization.

"If her spine hasn’t stabilized by the time the brace comes off, we’ll consider another operation to insert them. That's providing she has recovered enough to undergo further surgery." He let his gaze linger on his daughter, making sure she understood before letting his eyes drift to TJ’s two friends.

"What was the problem with her blood pressure?" asked Erin when Michael's gaze reached her.

"I’m not too sure. This didn’t happen in any of TJ's previous operations and there is no clinical reason I can find for it to have happened today." Michael slowly shook his head. "The chances are it was her body's way of telling us that enough was enough, for now at least. I know that she has been through a lot of emotional upheaval in the last few months and that the last two days since she woke up have been pretty hard on her. I think she’s just tired and this is her way of letting us know."

He squeezed Mare’s hand and stood up. "Now I have a few other patients I need to see. Nancy, TJ’s nurse, is in recovery with her and she’ll let you in to see her; just go through the door. I’ll be back in a few hours but Nancy will call me if I’m needed, okay?"

Mare caught hold of his hand again, stood up and pulled him into a hug. "Thanks, Dad."

"That’s okay, honey. You know I was glad to do it. Now go see your girl, but..." He looked intently at Mare, then Erin and Paula, "and this goes for all three of you… as soon as she is moved back to her room I want all of you to go to my place at Dorburton Lakes and get some rest." Smiling gently, he put a finger on Mare’s lips. "No arguing. She’ll be asleep for most of the day; the pain medication we’re going to put her on is pretty strong."

"Don’t worry, Doc, we’ll make sure she gets some rest," said Paula. "And thank you. We really appreciate everything you're doing."

"Only the best for my family, young lady. Now go in and see her, then go home. I’ll see you all later." He smiled again at Mare then walked out of the room.

With no need for further urging, Mare went straight through the recovery room door. Nancy was already waiting for her, green gown in hand. With a smile the nurse handed it over to her and grabbed a cap to cover Mare’s blonde, shoulder-length hair.

"Thanks, Nancy, I appreciate your help." Mare quickly pulled on the gown and slipped the cap over her hair. The recovery room was large and airy; there were no walls between patient bays. Each of the bays had the same set-up of monitors, suction and oxygen equipment. TJ was currently the only occupant in the room. The other operating theaters were either not in use or still had procedures ongoing in them.

It always amazed Mare that no matter how large a person may be, when they were in a hospital bed they always seemed half their size. The bed TJ lay in swamped her. Her raven locks were flared out across the top of the bed and her head was wedged between two blocks of thick foam. Heavy straps held her head securely in place. Earlier, Mare had brought in some soft padding and now was pleased to see that Nancy had remembered to put it under the straps to prevent chafing.

Leaning over the bed, Mare kissed her lover softly on the forehead, her hand gently caressing the side of TJ's head. A pressure behind her knees let her know that Nancy had brought a chair over and she sat down, her other hand automatically taking hold of TJ’s hand. She was happy to note that her lover's arms were no longer strapped to her sides as they had been for the last five days. She glanced over at Nancy, sending her an inquiring look. "No arm straps?"

"Your dad didn’t see any reason to restrict arm movement anymore, but you’ll still have to watch she doesn’t try to twist too much."

Mare grinned in delight. "Cool, I get to have a hug when she wakes up!" It had been one thing that had bothered her beyond belief. With TJ strapped into her spinal bed, movement totally restricted, it had been virtually impossible to have any type of physical contact. Mare was able to crawl next to her partner and hold her in a rough manner but TJ hadn’t been able to respond in any way. It had upset them both, but Mare more than she had imagined it would.

"I’m sure you won’t be the only one who thinks it’s cool. She’s been chafing at the bit to get her arms undone since she woke up. Maybe now she’ll give us a moment's peace."

"Ha! No such luck till she gets out of here," rejoined Mare.

Nancy smiled at her and turned back to the monitors. "You want to try talking to her for me? She should be coming around soon. When she wakes up, ask her what her name is and where she is--things like that--just so we can tell how oriented she is. Okay?"

"Yep, no problem." Mare returned her attention to TJ, the fingers of her hand constantly rubbing TJ’s slightly cooler ones. "Come on, honey," she whispered into TJ’s ear. "I want to see those baby blues of yours and I want my hug. Can’t have either till you wake up now, can I?"

Mare got no response but she wasn’t disheartened. The three days after the accident, when TJ had been unconscious, she had spent talking nonsense to her just so that TJ had the constant reassurance of her voice. Today was no different and she launched into telling TJ what was going on in the world. "I think we need to send Erin and Paula on vacation. This last week has taken a lot out of them. Paula’s leg is still giving her a lot of pain and though Erin is putting a brave face on it, I can tell she’s worried about her. We were going to drive back to the ranch tonight after they take you back to your room, but Dad has given us the run of his place at Dorburton Lakes and I think the shorter the drive the better."

Mare sat next to the slumbering TJ for the better part of thirty minutes before she started to come round.

"She’s just beginning to stir," signaled Nancy, looking at the monitors. "Remember, she might be a little disoriented and will probably have a lot of discomfort. Until she comes around, we won’t be able to figure out the correct level of pain relief she’ll need. If she indicates to you that she’s in pain, let me know and I can up her meds."

Mare looked up as the beep of the heart monitor increased. When she looked back down at TJ’s face she could see her eyelids fluttering. "Come on, sweetie, open those eyes for me." Blue eyes blinked several more times before they finally stayed open. Mare stood up and bent over so that TJ would be able to see her without straining. "Hi there, precious," she said before she noticed TJ’s face grimace in pain. TJ took a deep, gasping breath and a shudder passed through her. "Nancy, I think she needs that pain medication you were talking about."

The plumpish nurse picked up a nearby syringe and waved over to another nurse whom Mare hadn’t noticed. The two of them checked the prescription chart her father had left. Then Nancy moved around to TJ’s side and administered the medication through an IV line.

Within seconds the tension and pain that had clouded TJ’s features lessened and eventually disappeared. Mare leaned closer again and smiled as TJ's remarkable eyes finally focused on her. "Hi, there." Her smile broadened as TJ’s face lit. "I’m going to ask you a really dumb question but you have to answer. Okay?"

"Sure. Go 'head." TJ’s voice was quiet and slightly slurred.

"Good. What’s your name?"

"Taylor Jade Meridian," TJ whispered so quietly that Mare could hardly hear it.

"I’m sorry, Nancy couldn’t quite hear that. What did you say?" Mare bent closer, her lips tantalizingly near TJ’s. Noticing her lover's scowl, she laughed.

"Taylor Jade Meridian. Okay? Do I get my kiss now?" she grumbled, eyebrow raised.

"Sure do, but I want my hug as well." Mare leaned down and gently placed her lips upon TJ's, feeling her lover's powerful arms wrap around her shoulders. "Now that's what I call a 'hello.' How are you feeling?"

TJ kept her arms around Mare, holding her as close as she could. "Tired and sore."

Mare barely heard the mumbled response. "Dad said he's put you on a pretty strong pain reliever and that the anesthetic would make you a little drowsy. They're going to keep an eye on you in here for a while, then move you back to your room. The girls and I are going to head off to Dad's when they have you settled. We'll come back tomorrow, okay?" Mare could already feel the loosening of TJ's arms around her shoulders as her lover's eyes began to close once more.

"Hmm sure. Say hi to the girls for me."

"You can tell them yourself; they're over by the door. Stay awake a minute for them; they'd like to see for themselves that you're okay." Mare turned her head and smiled at Erin and Paula who stood silently over by the door, gowns already on. She waved them over and then carefully pried TJ's arms from around her. Mare moved out of Paula's way as she and Erin went to either side of TJ's bed.

Paula leaned against the bed taking the weight off her leg. She grasped TJ's hand and squeezed. "Hey, boss, how are you doing?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, emotion taking the strength from it.

"Much better now that I've seen you two. You better take it easy for a while. Let the corporate office handle everything for a while, okay?"

"Don't worry about the company," said Erin, brushing an errant lock of hair from TJ's face. "We've got a handle on that. I want you to concentrate on getting yourself out of here."

"Yeah, that goes for me, too," whispered Paula as she leaned down and kissed TJ on the cheek. "Get some rest; we'll see you later."

Mare kissed TJ again and caressed her face as the intense blue eyes softened and closed. The women waited another hour until TJ was moved to her own room, then, with little prospect of the patient awakening soon, they decided to head on out.

Chapter 3

The ride to Mare’s father’s house was a quiet affair, everyone pleased that TJ had come through the operation so well, yet pensive at what the repercussions would be.

Michael’s house, set on several acres, was surrounded by trees and hedges which prevented straying eyes from seeing the activities within. The doctor had reminded Mare that Mr. and Mrs. Escher, employed as his butler/chauffeur and housekeeper/cook, would be available for whatever they needed. Mare assured him that the women were used to doing for themselves and wouldn't be expecting any special treatment. Calling ahead to let the Eschers know that Mare and her friends were coming, Michael informed them that any extra services were not required.

Mare pulled the new van into the drive just to the side of the house and went on to unlock the door while Erin helped Paula from the vehicle and up the few steps to the doorway. From there they all went into the living room and collapsed onto the couch.

"At least we’ve got the worst of it out of the way." Mare sighed and relaxed back; she closed her eyes, feeling the warm comfort of the couch wrap around her.

Erin and Paula looked at each other sadly. Paula nodded at Erin and her partner stood up.

"I’m going to get us all a drink and make something to eat. I’ll be back shortly."

Paula gave Erin a wan smile. They’d discussed this earlier and upsetting as it was, Mare needed to be prepared properly for what was to come. As Erin walked out of the room, Paula ran her hand through her hair and sat forward as well as she was able to with her leg elevated.

"Mare, we need to talk. I know you’re probably fed up with Erin and me saying this to you, but we have a long, long road to travel here. TJ doesn’t take well to being restrained. She has always been an active person. Four weeks confined to that bed is going to be hell for her and believe me when I tell you that she’ll make it hell for everybody else as well."

Mare’s eyes widened sharply and she opened her mouth to protest at Paula’s words. "No," Paula held up her hand to prevent Mare from speaking, "I’m not being nasty. She doesn’t do it on purpose. Last time she got depressed enough to try to kill herself. That’s unlikely to happen again but you have to be prepared for the possibility that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better."

"Is it really going to get that bad?" asked Mare.

"No, it is probably going to get worse than that. We’ll bring her laptop in and make sure she has work to keep her occupied, but that room, no matter how big it is, is going to seem like a prison to her. She’s going to resent the fact that you can leave it whenever you like, and she can’t. One day she’ll be fine; the next you’ll walk in with a smile on your face and she’ll rip you to shreds for being happy while she’s held prisoner. The next she probably won’t even acknowledge your existence. For some time, it's going to be like living with a child."

"Don’t worry, Paula. I’m not going to go anywhere, no matter how bad it gets." Mare reached out a hand and patted Paula on the leg.

"I’m glad to hear that, Mare, I really am. TJ has a lot better chance of getting through this with you by her side. But you’re going to react to the situation as well."

Erin chose that time to enter the room with a tray of hot coffee and sandwiches. To her pleasant surprise, coffee had already been brewed and a platter of sandwich fixings, covered with plastic wrap, sat in the refrigerator. She had dawdled over putting the sandwiches together, leaving Paula time to talk one-on-one with Mare, before she reentered the living room.

Taking her place beside Paula, she picked up on that thought. "You're going to resent her attitude, you’ll get frustrated and depressed at the lack of progress. You’ll take it out on everyone around you just like she will."

They could see the protest rising in Mare's eyes. "I’m not kidding, Mare. Paula and I nearly split up the last time we had to go through this. It's going to be worse for you. You just need to remember she does love you. Even when she’s hurting you, she does love you. Paula and I will be here to support you, but we will all have some times when we need to let off steam."

Erin's smile broke the tension that had begun to build. "Now that we've told you the gloomy side of things to come, let’s eat and then get some rest. You never know; it might not happen." Yeah, as if any of us could be that lucky.

********************

TJ knew every blotch, every mark on the ceiling. After arguing for what seemed like hours, she had persuaded first Nancy, and then Michael, to release her head from the strapping that had kept it immobile for the last week.

The lights had been dimmed and one of the nurses was sitting just outside the door at the nurse’s station. TJ was hooked up to a myriad of new IV's: a prednisolone drip was connected to her right arm and a morphine pump was connected to her left. Michael had also spoken about putting up a dopamine drip to bring her blood pressure back up if the fluids didn’t do it. But that hadn’t happened, and she was connected just to Ringer’s and a million beeping machines that were slowly driving her crazy.

She was in pain, too, but every time she hit the button that provided her with pain medication, it put her to sleep. Sleep wasn’t a bad thing; she just didn’t want to spend all of her time doing it. And this was only the start of it.

It was still relatively early in the evening, not yet ten o’clock. TJ could have had the television turned on, a video or music playing, but that wasn’t what she needed. Mare's most probably in bed asleep; she’s exhausted and she needs her rest.

Temptation trailed a teasing finger through her lonesomeness. I could phone her. I know that if I say I need her she’ll be here in a flash. TJ reached for the phone but her hand stopped in mid air. No. Mare needs a break from this hospital as much as I wish I could leave it. I’m going to lay here staring at the ceiling, wishing I were tucked up next to her. She’ll be here in the morning; I'm just going to have to wait. TJ let out a long sigh and felt tears prickling in her eyes. Just a few more hours; she’ll be here.

********************

The morning was dismal. A cold front had drifted in overnight and brought rain with it. Mare wasn't able to park close to the entrance and had to run as soon as she stepped from the rental car. She ran through the door and stopped to brush the worst of the rain off her coat before she trailed it through the hospital. Nodding a hello to the receptionist on duty, she made her way toward TJ’s room. Erin and Paula would be along later, after they had called back to the ranch and packing plant to make sure everything was okay.

At her father's house last night they talked over the necessity of returning to Meridianville. Mare had to be there while her new assistant moved into the practice. Erin and Paula felt they could alternate the times, but at least one of them should be at the ranch seeing to business affairs. Deciding for herself that TJ would be on her better behavior for the first few days, Paula persuaded Erin to stay at the hospital while she went back with Mare.

Mare didn’t want to leave. She knew that TJ was going to be upset that she was going, still there wasn’t an awful lot that could be done about it. She had been in Springerly since the accident and had neglected her practice as long as she dared; now she had to get back.

"'Morning, Nancy." She smiled as she approached the nurse’s station. "How’s my favorite patient this morning?"

"She’ll be all the better for seeing you, I’m sure," said the nurse, smiling up at Mare as she shuffled some paperwork around on the desk.

Mare put her bag on the desk and undid her coat. "Why? What’s she been up to?"

"Jane, who's working the night shift this week, said she’d been awake most of the night. Seemed to be in some pain but refused to use the Patient-Controlled Analgesia, so in the end Jane gave her a jab to relieve it and put her to sleep. She’s a little grouchy this morning."

"Did she say why she won’t use the PCA?" Mare asked as she pulled off her wet coat.

"Here, I’ll take that." Nancy reached over the desk and took hold of the coat. "No, she hasn’t said why she won’t use it, but she hasn’t been that communicative. Wouldn’t eat her breakfast this morning, either. But, as I said, now that you’re here she’s bound to cheer up."

Mare winced. "Yeah, until I tell her I have to go back for a few days."

Nancy smiled and patted Mare on the hand. "You’ll be fine. She loves you too much to get too angry at you."

"I guess I’ll just have to promise to make it up to her."

The door to TJ’s room was ajar and Mare poked her head around it. TJ lay there staring up at the ceiling. God, she looks miserable. Deep breath, remember what Erin and Paula said. She loves you even when she’s in a bad mood. Okay, here goes. "'Morning, love." Mare pushed the door open and bustled in. She walked straight up to the bed, leaned over and kissed TJ on the lips, barely getting a response. "I can see you’re in a good mood this morning. Didn’t sleep well?"

"Nancy’s been telling on me, hasn’t she?" TJ said sullenly.

"She mentioned you’d had a bad night," replied Mare, pulling up a chair. "She said you were in pain but wouldn’t use the Patient-Controlled pump they’d set up for you, and that you wouldn’t have breakfast this morning. Care to tell me why?"

TJ lifted her hands and ran them through her hair. "The medication makes me feel sick and puts me to sleep all the time. Then, when I wake up, I always have a headache. And I didn’t want breakfast."

"Okay. I’ll tell Nancy about the side effects of the medication; they might be able to do something about that. But you could have used it last night, honey. At least you would have gotten some sleep."

"I didn’t want to sleep," TJ grumbled, almost whining.

"Why not?" asked Mare although she had a pretty good idea what the answer was going to be.

"I missed you."

Mare smiled and stood up. "Well, I’m here now," she said, clambering onto the bed. "So you close those baby blues and go to sleep. I’ll wake you for dinner." TJ snuggled as much as she was able to while Mare soothed her brow with gentle caresses. It's going to be a long day. Mare settled down next to her lover and watched as her breathing slowed and became deeper.

The evening was almost over and Mare couldn't put it off any longer. Even though she knew it would be upsetting for both of them, she had to break the bad news to TJ. She was resting on the bed, wrapped in long arms, her head just beneath TJ's chin, when the end-of-visiting-hours warning sounded gently but firmly from the speaker next to the bed.

Mare raised her head to kiss TJ's cheek, then pushed herself up and sat on the bed, gazing down into the blue depths of her lover's eyes. "TJ, Paula and I are going back to the ranch tonight. Erin's going to stay here with you."

Those marvelous eyes flooded with disappointment, momentarily pushing away the clutching pain that seemed to have found a permanent perch within them. "Do you have to go?" Even restrained to a half-whisper, the resonant voice fanned the embers of desire that Mare, so far, had kept carefully banked.

She pulled in a quick breath and her hand brushed the raven bangs. "You know we do. Barry's moving his family into my house on this coming weekend so I have to have it ready for him. Paula's arranged for the movers to bring my furnishings from the house to the ranch, but I have to be there tomorrow to let them in the house and make sure everything goes all right."

"Is everything ready at the ranch?"

"The painting was all finished a couple of days ago. Paula ordered the furniture I wanted for the office and got your foreman, Bill, to send someone to oversee its arrival yesterday, so that's all done." The hand moved to caress TJ's cheek. "Plus, she hired a cleaning outfit to do the whole house, including the suite of rooms I picked for my personal use." Mare grinned. "She's bound and determined not to let anything slow this move down."

"That's our Paula." A lift at one corner of TJ's lips showed that she was trying to accept Mare's inevitable departure with good grace. "You haven't told me what suite you picked."

"I chose the one on the first floor, next to the back stairway, just beyond the music room. I couldn't believe it: two bedrooms, bath, living room and kitchenette." Mare's eyes gleamed. "I don't think I have enough belongings to fill those huge rooms."

"First floor, huh? That's good. At least I won't have to struggle upstairs to chase after you." The lop-sided smile and quirked eyebrow reached out and grabbed Mare's heart.

She leaned over, bracing one arm on the bed on either side of TJ. Her voice was thickened by sudden emotion. "You won't ever have to chase me, my love. Just crook your finger and I'll come running." She lowered her lips to meet her lover's and let her body sink gently against the firm one beneath her, barely touching. TJ's arms encircled her as heat seeped through clothing and sheet, sizzling between them while the kiss grew deeper and deeper.

Reluctantly, Mare removed her lips, kissing TJ's cheek and throat before raising back up and leaving the warmth of the embrace. The women gazed at each other silently, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Mare slipped off the bed, took TJ's nearer hand and raised it to her lips. Turning it over, she kissed the palm and watched TJ curl the hand and place it against her heart. "Goodnight," Mare whispered and walked to the door. She looked back and her soul ached to see her lover's forlorn expression. They exchanged small waves and Mare left.

Come back! Don't leave me… A heavy pall dropped over TJ's spirit. Her mind told her it was an unreasonable reaction; Mare would be back as soon as possible. But her emotions weren't up to the fight and she lay there staring at the ceiling, not even attempting to stem the tide of tears running down the sides of her face onto the pillow. At last, exhausted, she fell asleep.

********************

After slowly brushing the sky with velvet black, dusk slipped away. The rental car's headlights lightened the line down the middle of the road into a yellow ribbon, constantly unraveling into a dark hole... an illusion that merged perfectly with Mare's feelings.

With Paula seated next to her, she drove toward the ranch, TJ's face thundering through her thoughts. She couldn't free her mind from the terrible look of abandonment that crossed those beloved features as she left the room. Blinking rapidly to clear her vision, she swiped at the moisture on her cheeks. Ah hell, why fight it? You know you feel lousy. Your lover's in constant pain, tied to a bed in a hospital, while you're going back to an empty house instead of being with her. You've got every reason in the world to cry, so go ahead--wallow in it. Surprisingly, giving herself permission to cry gradually halted her need to, and she snickered softly at the irony of it.

Paula had been uncharacteristically morose, dejected by her own thoughts. Not only was she leaving TJ behind, but Erin as well. Paula was worried about her partner. Erin's sense of self was somehow intertwined with TJ's well-being and the fact that she was the driver when the accident occurred was tearing her up. Paula was unsure of how to handle that.

Mare's snicker startled her. "What the hell's funny?"

Mare glanced quickly at Paula who had her arms hugged tightly against her lean body. Engrossed in her thoughts, Mare had almost forgotten that Paula was with her. The dark-haired woman's abrupt question was a dash of cold water, waking Mare from her self-absorption.

"I just gave myself permission to cry all I wanted to, and all of a sudden I didn't want to. Just struck me funny, I guess." Mare reached a hand to Paula's forearm and shook it. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Paula unfolded her arms and patted Mare's hand before it returned to the steering wheel. "We all will be if we can just stick together."

"You're worried about Erin."

"Uh huh. I know TJ's gonna be a bear tomorrow and Erin will catch the brunt of it. She's got a really soft heart, you know?"

"And you haven't?" Mare grinned. "I remember when I first met you in TJ's office, I thought she was a spoiled brat and you were an arrogant bitch."

Paula slid an amused glance at the vet. "I know you've changed your mind about TJ."

Mare laughed out loud. "Paula, I've seen how hard you try to keep things on an even keel at the ranch. TJ's definitely the boss, but you're kinda like the Mistress of Ceremonies, pointing everyone in the right direction. How do you keep so calm?"

It was Paula's turn to laugh. "Calm? Me? I churn inside all the time. Erin's the bellwether in the calm department. I can be boiling inside and one look or one word from her can cool me right down. Most of the time," she added wryly.

"How do you cope with TJ's temper tantrums? I feel like our minds lock together and there's a battle that she lets me win, but not before I feel a bit battered."

"Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Even when she loses, she's still in control."

Mare turned this idea over in her mind and decided that Paula was right. The statement gave a new perspective to TJ's acquiescence to anything. "You're a pretty strong-minded person, Paula. How do you keep your equilibrium?"

Paula sucked in her lips against her teeth, then loosened them with a soft swishing sound. "With studied ignorance."

"Studied ignorance?"

"Yeah. When TJ gets wild with her hands or her mouth, I make an effort to ignore all the hurtful parts. I know that's not the real TJ, just her frustration. So I try not to let it affect me. Erin can't seem to do that. And that's my Achilles heel. When TJ gets mad at Erin, I get ticked at TJ. Usually I can step between them and deflect TJ's anger in my direction, but I can't always manage to do that."

Paula shifted in her seat, leaned over to grasp her cast leg, and moved it to a more comfortable position. She sat back up, looked toward Mare with a wicked grin and poked her in the side with an elbow. "Fortunately, I'm usually the one TJ gets mad at."

Mare grinned, then sobered. "Erin's going to be on her own tomorrow."

Paula nodded. "I've asked her to call me a couple of times, tell us how TJ's holding up."

"Will she tell you if there's a problem?"

"She won't have to; I can tell by her voice. We've been through this before, remember? Just speaking to each other will be supportive for both of us."

Mare nodded in understanding. They have the same connection TJ and I have.

The women rode the rest of the way home in companionable silence.

Chapter 4

The next morning, at breakfast, Mare and Paula agreed to meet in the afternoon to put Mare's office and suite in order when the movers brought her belongings. Then they separated, Paula going to TJ's office to work at catching up on some business and Mare driving to her home in Meridianville.

Mare saw the green and yellow moving van from Bodley and Sons coming behind her, so she parked in front of her house, allowing the van to pull into her driveway. She sat in the car for a moment, unexpectedly rocked by a wave of nostalgia. Mother and I lived in this home for a lot of years. I'm going to miss it. The enormity of the step she was taking hit her for the first time. I'm giving up my home and moving into someone else's, taking on what could prove to be an entirely different life-style. Is this really what I want? Am I ready for it? Vowing to examine that thought more thoroughly later, Mare exited the car and went to open the house for the movers.

She inhaled the fragrance of the red roses her mother had planted, years ago, along the edge of the front yard. In the small flower garden in front of the house, splashes of chrysanthemums brightened the early autumn morning, poking their yellow and russet heads up behind the late-blooming petunias and impatiens. Why are good-byes always so hard? Even when it's not a person? Again, Mare turned her thoughts away.

"Hi, Lee," Mare greeted the young black man who tipped the corner of his hat and flashed her a bright smile. "How's your dad?" Lee's father owned the moving business and had put his twin sons, Lee and Linc, in charge of it when he hurt his hip in a bad fall. Both young men were tall and strong, with rippling muscles, a legacy of growing up in the business.

"He's coming along pretty well, Doc. He's already graduated from crutches to a cane, but I don't think he'll be moving any heavy stuff ever again. That hip took a real beating and Doc Hunt told him to consider retiring."

Lee lifted his hat off and laid it on the truck seat as Mare turned the key in the lock. "How are your friends doing?" Lee asked. "Miss Meridian was hurt pretty bad, wasn't she?"

Mare tried to suppress the quick grimace of pain this question brought to her face. "Yeah, her back was just operated on. We'll have to wait and see what happens there. The other two are doing well. One has a broken leg and one a broken wrist."

"I saw Miss Meridian at that town meeting when she first got here." Lee's eyes lit up. "She was something else." He stuck his hand out in a grabbing pose. "She sure had those people by the… Er… I mean…"

Mare grinned at his obvious embarrassment. "Let's just say she was in full control, huh?"

Lee rubbed his wayward hand across the back of his neck and showed a rueful smile. "Yeah, that too." They walked into the house together as Linc and another man pulled up in a smaller truck to help with the move. "And you know what, Doc? Me and my brother live upriver and our kids were getting sick and no one could figure out why until Miss Meridian discovered the pollution. Our houses were the first to get filtration units connected to our water supply. She saved the lives of our kids. Tell her thanks for me when you see her, will you?"

"I'll be happy to, Lee, and I know Miss Meridian will appreciate hearing it." Mare looked around the room. "Now how about we figure out what goes and what stays?"

Mare had agreed to leave her piano for Barry's family rather than put it in storage. But he and Berta had insisted that it was just a loan. If she ever wanted it back, it was hers. With that understanding, Mare left a few other pieces of furniture and the whole kitchen--tables, chairs, plates, utensils, pots and pans. The only thing Mare kept was her mother's set of recipe books.

Shortly before noon the house was emptied and the men headed to the diner to eat lunch. Mare went on out to the Meridian ranch.

Paula was just sitting down to soup and a sandwich. She got up when she saw Mare pull in and began to put lunch together for her. The vet came through the door and took a quick glance at the situation. "Hey, woman," Mare admonished her, "you sit down and let me fix my own lunch. I'm not a guest anymore." She sidled up to Paula and playfully bumped her with her hip.

Paula dropped the sandwich makings and grabbed the counter, teetering off balance. "Whoa!" she yelped.

Mare threw an arm around her to steady her and started laughing. "Sorry, I forgot you can't move as well as usual. You okay now?"

"Yeah," Paula grinned back, "but next time, warn me first." The cast on her leg had been exchanged for a walking one, giving her a lot more freedom of movement. It allowed her to manage without crutches for short spurts, but she still wasn’t as mobile as she would like to be.

"As far as your being a guest, Erin and I do take turns with the meals, but we all wait on each other. Figure it doesn't matter who does what, as long as it gets done. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and let me finish the food."

"Right." Mare pulled a mug from the cupboard and filled it. The sugar and milk were sitting on the counter where Paula had used them and she stirred them into the coffee with a spoon plucked from the silverware drawer.

"Have you heard from Erin?" Pulling a chair out from the island, Mare sat down, took a few sips of coffee and suddenly realized she felt a little dispirited. The last few weeks had been a real roller coaster ride. First, the decision to move to the ranch, then the accident, then TJ’s operation… and she still had the actual move to contend with, and a new assistant to get oriented, and running back and forth to the hospital, and the constant worry about TJ…

"Yeah, she called right before I came out to fix lunch. TJ’s not a happy camper, of course, but Erin said she’s at least making some effort not to be too miserable with her…yet." Paula handed the plate holding the finished sandwich to Mare and poured the remaining chicken noodle soup from the pot into a bowl. Carrying the bowl and a box of crackers, she joined Mare at the island.

"That’s good news. I know how rotten I felt having to leave. I can imagine how TJ must feel."

"Yeah," Paula grunted.

The two ate quietly, a circumstance that was not lost on Paula. "You wanna talk about it, Mare?" she asked when they were finished. When the golden brows lifted in inquiry, Paula elaborated. "Whatever’s bothering you. Is it TJ?"

Pushing her dishes away, Mare put her elbow on the table and rested her head in her hand. She splayed her fingers into her hair and turned emerald eyes toward her friend. "More like… lack of TJ." Mare sighed and her eyes filled with uncertainty. "When TJ was here, it seemed the most natural thing in the world for me to come here to live with her. But she’s not here, now, and I think I’m having a touch of ‘cold feet’ about moving in. I’m just a small town vet and here I am pulling up all my roots and moving into the home of the owner of a multi-national corporation. Now that it’s actually happening, I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing."

Paula sat back in her chair and a shadow slipped down over her eyes. "You change your mind about TJ?" she asked in a quiet, flat voice.

Mare’s brow furrowed as she realized that Paula misunderstood her. "No." She grasped Paula’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "Never. This is not a Mare-TJ issue at all. It’s..." Mare sat up, fluttered her hands back and forth and shrugged her shoulders. "I feel sorta uncomfortable moving in here. My body’s making the move, but my emotions aren’t going along so quietly. I’m not really sure what it is. Maybe I feel like I’m giving up my independence… or submerging my identity."

The veil lifted and Paula’s eyes warmed again as she gave a little laugh. "Anyone who’s around TJ for five minutes is in danger of submerging her identity. Her presence is almost overwhelming. We all feel that. It would be really easy to get lost in her shadow."

Paula's arm made an all-encompassing move through the air. "This is a huge house and no matter who else is in it, it seems empty without TJ. But when she is here, it doesn’t seem empty at all. That tells us something about the power of her personality."

Mare nodded. "And that's probably causing part of my uncertainty. I’m not really sure whether I’m moving here because I want to, or because TJ wants me to. Once she put the idea in my head, I accepted it without giving it a whole lot of thought. Now I have a chance to think about it and I’m not convinced that it was the best thing for me to do."

She shook her head in confusion. "I’m giving up my home, hiring an assistant, splitting up my practice, just so I can be here with TJ, but I don’t know if I can handle being responsible for her happiness twenty-four hours a day. I keep wondering… what happens if I fail her?"

Mare got up and cleaned the remnants of lunch from the island. The movement helped her mood and her face cleared a bit. "Then again, everything seems to be touched with a brighter light when TJ’s around. I’ll probably be okay when she’s back here with us."

Paula’s voice took on a serious tone. "You know, Mare, nothing you are doing here is burning any bridges. If you decide there are things you can’t handle, you can always ask your new assistant to find another house to rent and move back into yours. But we all hope you stay, Mare; TJ's not the only one who would like to have you here. Why don’t you give her a call and talk to her? It might make you feel better."

"I tried first thing this morning, but she was still sleeping. I'll try again after I’ve got this moving sorted out." Mare patted her friend's shoulder. "Thanks, Paula, you and Erin have both made me feel very welcome."

"You are welcome. Besides," Paula grinned, "nothing like having a vet handy on a ranch. Oh, that reminds me. We have a small problem…"

Mare heard the moving van arriving. "Can it wait till later? Here come the movers." She put a restraining hand on Paula’s shoulder. "Don’t get up, Paula, we can take care of this."

"Okay, I have some more office work, anyway. I’ll tell you all about it when you’re finished."

Mare went out to meet Lee and Linc, and left a thoughtful Paula making her way to TJ’s office.

********************

The transfer of furniture was completed, and the movers had gone.

Mare stood in the center of the suite’s living room, surveying their work. At least I have a small piece of my "identity" here with me… and a piano available in the next room. What more could a girl want? Her heart thudded at that question. TJ. I want TJ. Her eyes misted and she turned quickly and half-ran from the room.

She walked down the hallway, past her office and made the right-angle turn toward TJ’s office. Reaching the door, she tapped on it and walked in. The dark head at the desk conjured up a split-second memory of enticing blue eyes and a glorious smile that was so vivid, Mare’s breath caught for a magical moment. Then reality returned.

Paula’s lively brown eyes looked up from some papers she was perusing. She checked her watch. "All done?"

"Yep. I am now a bona fide resident of Meridian ranch, ‘cold feet’ and all." Mare’s lips twisted and she clasped her arms across her body for just a moment as a quick shiver went through her.

"You’ll be okay when TJ gets back." Paula’s eyes gleamed. "She’ll warm those cold feet for you in more ways than one. You try phoning her again?"

I’m here and my lover’s not. What a mess. "Keep it up, Paula, you may convince me." Mare snorted and gave Paula a playful shove. "And no, I haven’t phoned her again. I’ll do it later when I can sit down and relax and devote all my attention to her."

Paula picked up the papers she was reading and waved them at Mare. "One of the hands brought the mail and we got the report on the investigation of Mrs. Gloria Raphaele and her son, Thomas Joseph Meridian Raphaele."

"Great! What does it say?" Mare was suddenly fully alert.

"It looks like they lead a pretty uneventful life. Wealthier than most people. The mother does volunteer work with a couple of charities, they live in an exclusive section of their city and the son just graduated from a private prep school. Other than that, there’s nothing particularly unusual. You want to read the report?"

"Yeah. I’ll put it in my office and take a look at it later." Paula put the papers into a large envelope and handed it to her. "What was that little problem you spoke of earlier?"

"Oh yeah!" Paula stood and reached for her crutches. "Come out to the barn with me. I want you to take a look at Flag."

"Be right with you." Mare hurried to her office and placed the file in her desktop drawer away from wandering eyes. Then she rejoined the waiting Paula.

The dark-haired woman swung out through the kitchen, with a curious Mare following, and went out the door into bright sunshine. Though the air was still warm, a slight coolness and a woody scent hinted at the change of season.

"I can’t figure out what’s wrong with her. She’s not eating right and is acting really skittish. Bill's been sending some of the hands over each day to take care of the horses and they noticed it first. They wondered if maybe she was getting sick with something."

Mare enjoyed the barn’s warmth and even its pungent smells: horses, hay, oiled leather, earth, manure. A vet spent many hours in barns and whenever she entered one a finger of familiarity touched and welcomed her. She walked quickly to Flag’s stall. Flag nickered and came to the front of the stall, as though looking for someone. Not finding what she was looking for, she dropped her head and moved back, seeming to droop. Yeah, Flag, we both miss TJ, don’t we?

"Hey, girl," Mare called and reached out to her, but Flag just backed away some more, then tossed her head and pawed the ground nervously. Mare could see that the palomino had lost some weight and looked skittish.

Paula watched the action, then asked, "What do you think is wrong with her?"

"I’ll get my bag and check her out, but I would guess she is homesick for TJ. It’s been a while since she’s seen her and Flag’s used to TJ riding her every morning." Mare gave a wry grin. "Just what we need, a homesick horse."

"How come the other horses aren’t affected? Erin and I haven’t been around them that much, either."

"Probably because Flag’s been with TJ for so long. And you said yourself there seems to be a special bond between them."

"That’s true." Paula nodded. "What can we do? Is it dangerous?"

"She’s lost some weight, so she’s probably not eating properly. If she stops eating altogether, that can be dangerous. At the moment, it will just affect her overall health." Mare hesitated for a moment, considering her options. "Look, I’ll go in the house and get a blanket that TJ has handled then bring it back here and put it in the stall. Just TJ’s scent may help calm her down."

"Great!" Relief flooded Paula's face. Then her expression turned uncertain. "Do you think it’s okay to say anything to TJ about this? You know how particular she is about Flag."

"I also seem to remember that the last time you and Erin tried to keep Flag’s condition from her, she found out anyway and told you guys off about it. So far, this isn't as worrisome as the heat stroke was. I'll explain it to TJ when I phone her." Mare frowned in thought. "Only other thing I know to do is keep an eye on Flag, ask the men to give her a lot of attention, maybe take her mind off TJ for a while."

"Will that work?"

"Darned if I know, but at least it will help us think we are doing something."

"Right!" Paula snorted and both women grinned.

Chapter 5

Mare was curled up on the couch, staring at the flames that flickered merrily in the fireplace. It wasn't really cold enough to merit the fire being lit but she enjoyed the cozy, homey atmosphere it produced

The phone had been fixed to her ear for the last hour. In the course of the conversation, Mare had told TJ about Flag's condition. After answering a few probing questions, Mare convinced TJ that the palomino was not in danger. "Okay, I'll sleep with an extra blanket to put in her stall. Wish I could bring it to you myself."

Although TJ was doing her best to sound cheerful, Mare could hear the frustration and tension in her voice. She was suffering much the same as Mare was and they had been apart only one day. And it will be a few more days before I can get back to see her. "Goodnight. I love you too, sweetheart. Now I want you to put Erin on the phone for me. You get some sleep and I'll phone you in the morning, okay?" She listened as TJ passed over the phone and quietly spoke to Erin. There was a pause, then her friend's voice finally came over the phone, accompanied by some background commotion.

"Mare? Let me call you right back from a hall phone. I'm moving out of the room; TJ's nurses have just come in to turn her." The sound of TJ complaining loudly could be heard as Erin talked. Then the phone clicked, cutting it off. Mare grinned, knowing that her lover wasn't going to be the easiest of patients over the next few months.

The phone rang and Mare quickly picked it up. "Hi, I'm back," came Erin's voice.

"Hi, Erin. How's she doing?"

"Oh, lord. I'd forgotten how hard this was," groaned Erin. "I think at the moment she's just testing the waters but she has been a little trying today. That nurse Nancy isn't taking any nonsense from her though. Your dad thinks they will be ready to start physical therapy on Monday. That is providing TJ hasn't escaped from the confines of her bed by then."

Mare chuckled. "Has she really been that bad?"

"Actually, no, she hasn't. She's still in a lot of pain and the medication tends to knock her out; so it's just when she wakes up that she's a bit of a handful."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Been catching up on some reading for the ranch and I've got a few reports to go over. You moved in okay?"

"Yep. Lock, stock and barrel. Thanks for looking after her, Erin, we should be back in a few days."

"No problem, Mare. I'm just going to say goodnight to the 'terror' then I'm off to your dad's. Tell Paula I'll ring her from there."

"Goodnight, Erin. Drive carefully."

********************

On Monday morning, Mare woke up in the large bed with a death grip on one of the pillows. She lay there with her eyes closed, pretending she was holding TJ's body up against hers, imagining the feel of her warmth and firmness. Her lips curved as she conjured up TJ's unique scent, her salty taste, the slick feel of...

Get up, you dope, you're just torturing yourself. Reluctantly, she rolled out of bed, took a badly needed cold shower, and dressed. She sat on the bed and placed a call to TJ on the off chance that she might be up, but was informed that she was still sleeping. Sighing, she set the phone down and went to the kitchen.

Already there, Paula had set two places at the island and was getting out the cereal, milk, sugar and bananas for breakfast. She looked up and smiled. "Good morning. All ready to start your new assistant on his duties?"

"Hey, I still have another hour, let's not rush things," the vet groused good-naturedly. Mare helped herself to the coffee. "First, right after breakfast, I want to check on Flag again, see if the blanket I got from TJ's room has had any effect yet. If not, when I phone TJ, I'll tell her that Flag is still homesick for her, and we'll need the one she's sleeping with. A fresh scent will be stronger and might help her baby out. What are you up to today?"

"You remember Fred Morales, the packing plant manager? He's coming out for a meeting with me." Paula counted off on her fingers: "I have to check on the packing plant's production, go over the figures, see how the hiring is working out, find out if they have any problems, that kind of stuff. Then report it all to TJ."

"Sounds like fun." Mare grimaced, wolfed her food and started for the door.

"Let me know how Flag is, will ya?" Paula wanted to make sure Mare didn't go off to Meridianville without letting her know whether the palomino was improving. The vet waved to acknowledge the request and went out.

Another beautiful day. Too bad TJ can't be here to enjoy this run of gorgeous weather we're having. Mare strode into the barn and heard the golden palomino nicker, but she didn't come to the end of the stall. Instead, she stood in the corner where Mare had hung the blanket that she'd brought from the bottom of TJ's bed. Mare was frustrated to see that a large portion of Flag's feed was untouched. At least, now that she had the blanket, she wasn't as droopy. Let's just hope her feeding picks up soon. Sure don't want TJ coming home to a sick horse.

She saw the stable hands were coming in to turn the horses out so she went back to the house, gave Paula a report, and headed to Meridianville.

Mare pulled up in front of her old home. With the curtains changed and a stroller sitting outside the door, it already looked different. Barry Cassel, his wife, and two-year-old son, Bobby, had moved in over the weekend and today would be Barry's first on the job.

For Barry's use, Mare had left her vet office just as it was. The office at Meridian ranch was being set up with new furniture and supplies. New place, new stuff, Mare thought, even as she felt a little tug about leaving all the familiar furnishings behind.

What's the matter with me? I guess there is always some trepidation about starting anything new, but without TJ, the prospect of living at the ranch is beginning to look downright uncomfortable to me. That thought spawned another. I'm a big girl, now. I've never needed someone else to hold my hand. Am I letting myself get too dependent on TJ? Is that what I'm leery of? Is this what love does to you?

Mare shook her head and got out of the truck. She was walking up the sidewalk when the door opened and a six-foot tall, well-muscled man appeared. "Hi, Mare!" Barry beckoned to her. "Come on in and meet my wife."

Crinkled hazel eyes and short, brown hair topped Barry's round, boyish face. His cheerful expression, enhanced by dimpled cheeks, lifted her spirits and brought an answering grin to her face. "Hi, Barry, I'd love to."

He held the door as she entered, then turned to introduce her. "Mare, this is my wife, Berta."

"Hi, Mare. I'm really happy to meet you. And I love your house." Small and sturdy, with medium-length, light-brown hair, Berta smiled attractively and held out her hand.

Mare shook it and smiled back into gray-blue eyes. "Thanks, Berta. Please think of it as your house. Your family will be a great addition to Meridianville. Speaking of family, where's Bobby?"

"I think the move must have worn him out. He's still sleeping." Berta laughed. She pushed soft curls off of her forehead. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I'm pretty worn out, too."

"Yeah, moving can be tough on everyone." Especially me, it seems.

Berta laughed again: a soft, mellow sound. "But if we never moved, we would all still live in caves."

Mare cocked her head and raised her eyebrows. "Hmmm. I never really thought of it that way. Good point." Very good point. I should stop being a stick-in-the-mud about moving to the ranch and get on with my life. TJ and I have a wonderful future ahead of us. What kind of future did I have in sight before we met and fell in love?

"I think maybe we better get moving." Barry gave Berta a kiss, picked up his bag and started for the door. "Shall we take your truck or mine, Mare?"

The two women smiled at each other. "A man of action, I see," Mare ventured. She took Berta's hand. "Glad to have you here, Berta. We'll probably see a lot of each other."

"I hope so. Good-bye, Mare."

Mare nodded and moved toward the door. "Let's take yours, Barry. Might as well get everyone familiar with it." She turned back toward Berta. "By the way, Berta, don't expect Barry back for lunch today. We'll eat at the Meridian ranch. They've become our biggest customer."

"Isn't that where your new office is?" Barry asked as they moved toward his truck. The capped Dodge, almost a twin to Mare's, was the same truck he used for calls at his last job and it was fully equipped with veterinary needs.

"Yes, it is. In fact, I live at the ranch now, but sometimes an extra vet might be needed there and I want you to be familiar with it."

Barry smiled down at her. "Okay, you're the boss." Dressed in jeans, light-blue shirt and work boots, Barry almost bounced with energy. His enthusiasm to start his new job cast a bright spell on the whole day.

Mare had collected her new calls and callbacks from the vet in Sharlesburg and she and Barry proceeded to make the rounds. At each place, Mare introduced him as her new assistant and stood back, lending a hand only when necessary, while he handled the animals' problems. After they finished the urgent calls and washed up at their last one, they stopped at Meridian ranch.

Mare unlocked the outside door to her office and led Barry in. The room bore no resemblance to the heavily curtained, dark and foreboding one it had been. Light peach walls and a nut-brown rug set off the walnut desk, file cabinets, bookcases, and credenzas that were placed in one end of the large room.

Two dark-green couches and several straight-backed chairs, randomly gathered near a fireplace, graced the other end. Yellow, green and peach throw pillows supplemented the casual, welcoming ambience.

Twin glass doors, newly covered with decorative ironwork, filled part of a wall and opened onto a closed-in porch. Two eight-foot tall windows, complete with muted-yellow, cushioned window seats, gave a wide view of open range and invited the brightness of the day to enter and paint its golden tones on the items inside.

As Mare came through the door, the light touched her hair and intensified its gold. She caught her reflection in a mirror and couldn't resist smiling. TJ wouldn't recognize this room. Someday, I'll get her to come in here and chase her nightmares away. The thought of nightmares sobered her. No one was with TJ at night to hold her while she suffered through the painful memories buried deep within her consciousness. Maybe she won't have the nightmares in the hospital. I sure hope she doesn't.

She suddenly realized her thoughts had taken her miles away and she pulled herself back to the present. "Uh... sorry, Barry. What did you say?" Can't keep my mind off that woman!

Barry was walking around, closely examining the various articles in the room. "I said this is a great office. I've heard the Meridian ranch is the largest in this area and Miss Meridian was bringing it to full capacity. Is it there yet?"

"Not quite, but it will be soon. There will be plenty for a vet to do here when it is. But it won't take up my full time; I'll still be helping with the other calls. We can probably work out a daily routine where I work here three days and help with the other calls on the other days. Except for emergencies, of course."

Mare opened the hall door. "Paula? You here?" No one answered her hail. "Come on into the kitchen and we can find something to eat."

After lunch, Mare took Barry to callbacks at some of the larger farms and ranches in the area where most of his work would come from, and introduced him to the owners. A few moments of "shop talk" at each stop satisfied them that the new vet knew his business.

About two o'clock, Mare directed that they return to town, planning to make an early start for the hospital. "I'll make sure that you get around to all the farms and ranches. I'd like all the owners to meet you and feel confident about calling you when they need a vet."

Barry agreed. "I like that idea. It will help me feel more confident, too."

Barry drove his truck home, parked in the driveway and they climbed out. As she was moving from his truck to her own, with Barry walking beside her, Mare said, "I'll work with you for the next couple of days, Barry, then you will be on your own. I'm going to have to ask you to take over as much of the work as possible for a while." A look of concern crossed her face. "TJ Meridian is still in the hospital in Springerly, which is a two-hour drive from here, and I'm spending as much time there as I can. When she gets home I'll be more involved in the practice. Will you have any problem with that?"

From the look on her face, Barry realized that TJ's situation was preying on Mare's mind. "Not a bit, Mare. You give Miss Meridian the attention she needs. I figure the more I do, the sooner I'll know everyone and they will know me. I want my family to become an important part of this town and working with people is one of the best ways to achieve that, I think."

Mare nodded and shook his hand. "You did nice work today. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks. See you, Mare."

Mare drove back to Meridian ranch with a happier heart. Looks like Barry is going to be fine. He's competent, sociable, and has a good head on his shoulders. Things will be a lot easier for me with him around. TJ and I just might have time to make a life together. She frowned. If she ever gets back home, that is. The dull ache, that seemed to take over her heart when she wasn't near TJ, thrummed into an actual pain, and she unconsciously rubbed her chest.

She parked in the driveway, jumped out of the truck and loped to the house. Pushing open the door, she hurried through and almost ran smack dab into Paula. The dark-haired woman grabbed her shoulder. "Whoa, Mare. What's your hurry?"

"I'm dying for a cup of coffee."

"Oh, okay," Paula laughed and let go of her. "You've come to the right place. I just made some fresh." Paula poured a couple cups of coffee, set them on the island with the cream and sugar, then sat down

Mare sank gratefully into a chair and fixed her coffee. "Sorry I almost ran you down, Paula. I just seem to be jumpier than usual."

When the doorbell rang Mare and Paula exchanged inquisitive looks. Mare raised a hand to keep Paula seated, swallowed a quick gulp of her coffee, then got up to answer the summons.

Through the window she could see a tall, slim shape, wearing jeans and a blue T-shirt, facing away from her. As she opened the door, a man turned toward her and dipped his head for a moment, then lifted it and looked right at her. "Hello, ma'am. Is Miss Scott here? Or Miss Tanner?"

He wasn't a man at all, just a boy. A tall, dark and handsome boy with a face she recognized from a photo... and blue eyes that astonished her. My god, it's TJ's brother! Mare was flabbergasted.

"I... er... hello. No... I..." Mare gave a short laugh. "Sorry, my mind was out of gear for a minute. I'm Dr. Gillespie. Come on in and have a seat. I'll get Miss Tanner for you, Mr....?" She held the door wider and he entered.

"Russell. Tom Russell." Mare noticed his broad shoulders and smooth walk as he moved to a chair in the living room and sat down. She hurried into the kitchen and found Paula on the phone.

Making a "T" with agitated hands, she demanded Paula's attention. "Paula, time out! Hang on a minute!"

Paula looked up, surprised at the urgency in Mare's tone. "Hold just a minute, please." She pushed the hold button and her eyebrows rose. "What is it, Mare?"

"He's here!"

"Who's here?" Everyone's nerves were on edge and Paula got a little exasperated at the guessing game.

"TJ's brother. He just knocked on the kitchen door and asked for you. Said his name is Tom Russell." Paula's eyes widened and she and Mare just stared at each other for a minute.

Paula jabbed the phone button. "Sorry, I'll have to get back to you later. Good-bye." She cradled the phone and addressed Mare.

"What the hell is going on, Mare?"

Mare shrugged. "He's using a false name. Maybe he thinks TJ is here and he wants to see her-find out who she is. He's probably just as curious about her as we are about him, maybe more so. After all, they are related."

"Why not just say, 'I'm TJ's brother'?"

"Come on, Paula. We were concerned what that might do to TJ. Maybe he's got sense enough to worry about that, too. He doesn't know anything about her or how she would react." Mare grimaced. "We know her pretty well but even we don't know the answer to that one."

She walked over and put her hand on Paula's shoulder. "He's in the living room, waiting for you. Why don't you go see what he wants?"

Paula leaned her dark head onto her own hand and rubbed her forehead. She stood up, took a deep breath and blew it out audibly through pushed-out lips. "Right. You coming with me?"

"You bet. Wild horses couldn't keep me away."

Paula reached for her crutches then threw an arm around Mare's shoulders. Giving her a quick hug, she grinned. "I'm glad you're here, Mare. With TJ hurting and my not getting much chance to be with Erin, I need all the support I can get."

Mare slipped an arm around her waist and hugged her back. "Well, you've got my support, for sure." I keep forgetting how hard this is on Erin and Paula. They have more than just TJ to worry about. Besides being concerned about each other, they have a ranch and a plant to look after.

They walked out of the kitchen into the living room. Tom stood up as they entered, pleasantly surprising them both. Mare introduced them and they shook hands. "Please, call me Tom."

Paula and Mare sat, and indicated that Tom should, too. "What can I do for you, Tom?"

Tom's weight hadn't yet caught up to his height but it was already apparent that he would be a powerful man. Although reminiscent of TJ's, his features were slightly different: narrower jaw, longer nose, and thinner lips. But if you covered the lower part of his face, there was no denying the relationship. The raven brows and black hair were identical to hers, and though his eyes weren't as compelling as TJ's, they were the same unique shade of blue and had an intensity of their own. He wasn't yet mature enough to realize his eyes could be potent weapons.

"I stopped at Bill Jacobs' office looking for work and he told me I would have to speak to you."

Paula's brow furrowed. "Why did he tell you that?"

"He said you had to give the okay for anyone under 18 and I'm just 16."

"Why aren't you in school?" Mare asked.

"I graduated this year. I skipped a grade, so I graduated earlier than most kids."

Paula's frown deepened. "Where's your family?"

"My father's dead and my mother and I just don't seem to get along anymore. I've been going to boarding schools all my life and now she wants me to board at college. I want to work a year or two, first. I need a change and I wanted to learn ranch work so I came here. I'm not afraid of hard work."

Mare reached over, took hold of Tom's hand and turned it over, exposing its smooth surface. She touched the palm gently. "Lots of calluses, huh?"

A lopsided grin and a brow that quirked above amused eyes won Mare over. "I didn't say I had done hard work, Dr. Gillespie, only that I'm not afraid of it. I'm ready to start building calluses if Miss Tanner will give me a chance."

"You're going to have to get permission from your mother to work. You're still a minor," Paula reminded him.

"I can't get in touch with her just yet, she's on vacation," Tom explained, hoping his lie wouldn't be discovered. "I can write her a letter and the post office will forward it to her. But I need work now. Couldn't you bend the rules just a little bit? I'll get the permission as soon as I can get in touch with her." Tom turned his eyes full on Paula and pleaded, "Please."

Paula pursed her lips and hesitated. Then, her mind made up, she pulled her notebook out of her pocket and unclipped the pen. "You any good with horses?" She started writing.

"Haven't done much except ride them for my whole life, but I'd sure like to learn to take care of them."

"Okay, give this note to Bill. I'll have him start you on some stable work. You get good at that, then we'll talk some more. In the meantime, make sure you call your mother."

"Tom, where are you staying?" It occurred to Mare that he probably didn't have a place to stay.

"I was hoping there would be an extra bunk here I could use."

Paula and Mare exchanged glances. Paula wrote some more on the note. "Usually, those bunks are for the cowhands, but I'm sure Bill can find something for you." She stood up, sliding the crutches into place, and handed him the note.

Tom stood, too, and they shook hands. "Welcome to Meridian ranch, Tom. I hope your stay here is a happy and productive one."

"Thanks, Miss Tanner, Dr. Gillespie. You'll see; I'll work hard. You won't be disappointed."

Tom left and the women returned to the kitchen. Watching through the window, Mare and Paula saw him leave the parking area and start to jog across the fields that led to Bill Jacobs' office, about a half-mile away.

"What do you think, Mare?"

"I think you've done as much as you can for right now. But at some point, I suppose we will have to make sure he has contacted his mother. She may not know where he is." Mare walked over to the island and tapped her fingernails on its surface, thinking. She glanced at Paula with a roguish grin. "Of course, there's no reason why we have to know who he is, is there? At least not until he has a chance to meet TJ."

Paula barked a laugh. "Ooooh, you surprise me, Mare. I would never suspect you of being so devious."

"I have hidden talents," Mare chuckled. Then her brows climbed behind her bangs. "Do you think TJ will recognize him? Does he look much like Lance?"

Paula perched on one of the chairs and Mare settled on another. "Recognize him? Remember, she doesn't know she has a brother, so she would probably think the resemblance to her was coincidental, if she noticed it at all. And, no, except for his eyes, he doesn't look like Lance." Paula's hands accompanied her voice descriptions. "Lance was a little shorter than TJ and built squarer. This kid is built like a male version of TJ: tall, broad shoulders, slim waist, moves like a cat."

"And," she continued with an admiring nod, "Tom seems to have TJ's assertiveness. Lance always deferred to TJ's judgment. Always. I get the feeling that, even at 16, Tom has a mind very much his own. I think it will be quite interesting to see him and TJ together."

The roguish grin hadn't left Mare's face. "Sooo, you think maybe we should let fate take its own course? Not interfere at all?"

Paula looked Mare in the eye and her grin grew until the two matched. "And we won't tell anyone but Erin." The women clasped hands. "Deal?" Paula questioned.

"Deal." Mare promised. "Now... let's go see our girls."

Chapter 6

The co-conspirators had a two-hour drive in which to cover all the ups and downs, ins and outs, and pros and cons of the situation and of their decision not to reveal Tom's identity. They arrived at the hospital with their resolve intact.

Exiting the elevator at the sixth floor, they hurried toward TJ's room. Near a section of mirrored wall, Paula grabbed Mare's arm and pulled her to a stop. Mare's head flew in her direction. "What's wrong?"

Paula turned her toward the mirrored wall. "Take a look at your face. One of your hidden talents better be to wipe that grin off it. One glance at you, and TJ will know you're up to something."

Mare looked. "Ummm. You're right. Sometimes an expressive face is not an asset. If she notices, I'll say I'm excited because Barry has turned out so well."

"Good thinking; that should work."

Mare and Paula stepped into TJ's hospital room. Paula gave TJ a quick kiss and greeting, then turned to meet Erin who rose from her chair and pulled her partner into a hug and kiss. Mare moved to the bed while Erin ushered Paula from the room.

"Hi, sweetheart." Mare placed her hands on both sides of TJ's face and their lips met. Each time they kissed, Mare warned herself to refrain from what TJ called a "wake-up-TJ" kiss, figuring that it would only make their situation more difficult for them both. But today, as she started to move away, TJ twined her fingers in Mare's golden hair and pulled her back.

"Will you give me a real, gods-be-damned kiss?" her lover growled. Mare didn't need a second invitation; she melted against the heat of TJ's body and lost herself. One strong hand slowly moved her head back and forth, up and down, in a wild battle of tongues, while the other hand, hampered by a healing shoulder, pressed firmly against her back, pulling Mare even closer. At last, they parted, panting.

"Now that," TJ breathed, "is a kiss."

"Wow," Mare agreed. "I've never had 'kiss guidance' before. At least, not mouth-to-mouth."

A rumble of laughter started in TJ's chest and Mare soon joined it.

"It's great to hear you laugh, you know?" Mare drew a finger across TJ's bottom lip.

TJ still bubbled with the remnants of her laughter. "I wish I could take full credit for being in a good mood, but the truth is that I had to give myself some extra 'happy juice' a little while ago."

"The pain was so bad you had to take more medicine than usual?" Mare wasn't letting the greater drug usage slip by.

"The therapy this morning kind of set it off. It's been pretty nasty all day." A plaintive note replaced the laughter. "You know I hate to take much of the medicine when I know you're going to be here. I want to be awake for you. But today I just... I just had to. I'll probably fall asleep in a few minutes and miss your whole damn visit."

TJ frowned in frustration, then her expression lightened a little. "Before I do, though, tell me--did the blanket help Flag at all? I have the extra one that I slept with last night, like you asked me to. It's there at the foot of the bed."

"Good, I'm glad you remembered. We might have better luck with a fresher scent. The first one soothed her a little, but she still isn't eating right. I don't think there's anything to worry about though. She just wants you home, same as I do." Mare ran her fingers down TJ's jaw line. "We're lonesome."

They kissed again then Mare crawled up into the bed and lay as close as she could. She knew the nurses might not like her climbing on the bed, but if it helped soothe TJ, she didn't give a damn. Soothes me, too, she admitted to herself as TJ's arms twined loosely around her.

She curled one arm across the top of the black hair and teased the far ear with her fingertips while she nuzzled the ear nearest to her and slowly rubbed her hand against firm stomach muscles.

"You keep that up, sweetheart, and I may not fall asleep," murmured TJ in a lazy, throaty voice that vibrated through Mare's being.

"I just want to make sure you have sweet dreams."

TJ was starting to drift. "Mmmm. Where were you last night? Coulda... used... sweet..."

"You had a nightmare? TJ?" Mare pulled her head away and looked down. TJ had already fallen asleep. Tears pricked Mare's eyes. She knew how terrible TJ's nightmares were and for her to go through one without Mare to soothe her must have been traumatic. No wonder she was in such pain today; she probably didn't sleep at all last night and was too tense during the therapy.

Even in sleep, TJ's face was not as relaxed as usual. Mare could see that her jaw was tight, with tension pulling at her muscles. She stroked the beloved face and placed random kisses on it before climbing down from the bed.

Picking up the blanket from the foot of the bed, she hugged it to her and buried her face in it, inhaling her lover's scent. Lucky Flag. I think I could use one of these myself. She smoothed TJ's sheet and covered her with the top sheet, then walked out into the hall, carrying the blanket over her arm.

Erin was seated on a couch at the end of the hallway. Stretched out comfortably, Paula had her head in Erin's lap and her cast leg propped against the top of the couch's back.

Mare walked up to them with a smile, leaned down and kissed Erin's forehead. "You look nice and comfy. How was TJ today? Any nicer to you?" Although TJ seemed to be all right today, Mare knew that wasn't always the case.

"They started her therapy this morning, but had to cut it short. She was a witch, but mostly because she had a bad night and was tired. I try to ignore the acid remarks when she's like that."

Mare squeezed her shoulder then dropped into a chair. "Good girl. Did Paula tell you our news?"

"She sure did. Unbelievable, isn't it? Maybe I can meet him tomorrow." Paula had insisted that she and Erin alternate times at home. In her mind, whoever stayed with TJ earned the right to a day or two away when it could be managed.

"Maybe so. I know we were both sure surprised. If all you could see were his eyes and hair, you would swear he was TJ." Mare grinned at the recollection, then remembered her other news. "Did Paula tell you about Flag?"

"Yeah, she did. Have you told TJ?"

"Actually I told her over the phone. She was a little upset but not too bad. I asked her to sleep with an extra blanket to put in Flag's stall and I want to take it with me when I leave. You coming back to the ranch with me tonight?"

"Yeah, it's Paula's turn to get dissed." Erin threw her hand up as Paula smacked at her. "Ouch!" Erin pretended to be hurt.

"Whoops. Sorry, honey, I'll kiss it and make it better." Paula stretched up and kissed Erin's lips.

"Yum, nice. But it was my hand you hit," Erin pointed out.

"Yeah, but I was aiming at your mouth."

"Then I'm glad your lips have better aim than your hand did." she grinned impudently.

"They've had more practice... so far." Erin greeted this with a chuckle and a pinch of her partner's cheek.

"You guys might as well get on your way; TJ probably won't wake up again this evening." suggested Paula. "Mare, you have to be getting tired. Why don't you go home and get some extra rest?"

"I think I have to agree with you, Paula, but I wish TJ had been awake a little longer so we could visit more. I really miss her." Mare stood up and gave Paula a kiss on the cheek. "What do you say, Erin? Just about ready to go?" She wanted to give the couple a few minutes to say good-bye to each other. "I'll wait for you in the car."

She went out and Erin joined her a few minutes later, a look of mild frustration on her face. "I'll sure be glad when we don't have to leave our women behind."

"Yeah, me too." Driving back to Meridian ranch without TJ there is making me a nervous wreck. "Let's change the subject. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Bill Jacobs is meeting with me at the office and we're going over the books. Payroll, upkeep, how stocking the ranch is progressing, that sort of thing. Two more shipments of cattle and we should be up to capacity." Erin pulled a packet of mints from her pocket and offered them to Mare, then popped one into her own mouth.

"You know, Bill really knows the cattle business. I've learned to trust his judgment, so all I really have to do, unless something goes wrong, is keep an eye on things. I'm learning a lot from him."

Mare nodded as she pulled from Springerly's main street onto the highway. "When I was helping him cull the herd, I saw that he knew what he was doing. He's been a great find."

Erin glanced over at Mare and grinned. "Now that we have that out of the way, tell me your impressions of young Tom."

The rest of the drive home was lively with speculation.

********************

Mare did plan on going to bed early. After putting the blanket in Flag's stall, she showered, put on one of TJ's T-shirts and climbed into TJ's bed. It was a large bed, specially built, but tonight it seemed too large and too lonely. Mare tossed and turned and finally gave up. She got up, slipped her feet into her sneakers and walked to the music room. Sitting at the piano, she began playing quietly, then became totally immersed in the music, investing it with her spirit, letting it soften the ache within her.

She played for more than an hour, then, calmed and soothed, rose to leave and was surprised to see Erin lying on one of the couches. The blonde woman sat up and smiled slowly. "You can really talk with your music, Mare. Thanks a lot; I feel better, now."

"Glad I could help. I tried to go to bed early, but I couldn't sleep. I thought at first it would be good to use TJ's bedroom, that it would keep me closer to her. But I'm finding that it just makes it harder to be separated from her. I think I'll use a bedroom in my suite," Mare sighed.

Erin's eyes softened, taking some of the sting from her words. "Cheer up, Mare, the worst is yet to come."

"You really think so?"

"I can see the frustration building in TJ. She's trying to contain it, which is admirable, but will probably be bad in the long run. She's been sniping at me and will be at Paula too, but she hasn't dragged out the heavy ammunition, yet. When she lets loose, I figure we might all get blasted away. TJ never does things halfway."

Erin stood up. "But we have lots of time to worry about that. Let's get to bed." She started to walk away then turned back. "By the way, the other blanket you brought from the hospital for Flag? Did it help?

Mare smiled at the recollection. "Yeah, I took it out to Flag's stall and replaced the other one. TJ used this one for several nights and her scent was stronger. Flag snuffled at it right away and stayed right next to it. I'm going to check in the morning and hope that this one helps to improve her appetite. I'm not sure what else to try."

"Right. Maybe we'll get lucky." Erin stifled a yawn. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Erin. Sweet dreams."

Erin grinned wryly and waved.

********************

In the suite bedroom, since she wasn't constantly assailed with reminders of her missing lover, Mare did manage to get a little more rest than usual.

The next morning, after sharing breakfast time with Erin, she walked on out to the barn to check on Flag before heading to Meridianville. Sure enough, the golden palomino was standing next to the blanket Mare had attached to one side of the stall wall. The large head swung around to see who was there, then swung back, seemingly disappointed. At least she seems a little less skittish today.

"Hey, Flag, how you doing this morning?" Opening the stall gate and entering, the vet stroked a hand against the large body and moved to the horse's head. Concerned that Flag's ribs were more prominent than they should be, she checked the feed bin and saw that quite a bit still remained uneaten.

"What are we gonna do with you, girl?" She hugged the long neck and was rewarded with a nicker. "If you don't start eating properly soon, we're both going to be in trouble with your mommy."

A couple of doors slammed. Sounds like the stable hands are here early. As the two hands came through the door, Mare looked up to greet them. She recognized the first man as one of the hands who had helped her when she had been thrown from Paula's horse, Runny, during a thunderstorm. "Hi, Mark. How are things going?"

"Hi, Doc. Not quite as exciting as last time I saw ya, but pretty good." He tossed his head toward the fellow beside him. "This here's one of our new hands, Tom Russell."

Mare came out of the stall with a big smile when she saw intense blue eyes in a tanned face. "Tom and I met the other day." She nodded to the youngster who smiled back.

"Hi, Dr. Gillespie."

"Just call me Doc, Tom. Everyone else does."

"You got it, Doc." His eyes slewed to Flag. "Wow, what a beauty!" He checked the name on the post, careful not to give away that he had recognized Faithful Flag. Then he walked into the stall, laying a hand on Flag's flank. Mare and Mark watched as he patted the palomino's shoulder and murmured to her. Flag nickered and bumped him with her head. Laughing, he swung his long arms around her neck and squeezed.

His head lay up against the strong neck, muffling the sound of his voice. "Is this Miss Meridian's horse, or is that a dumb question? I guess they're all Miss Meridian's horses, right?"

Mare chuckled. "Yes, no and no. Flag is Miss Meridian's pride and joy. The other two horses belong to Miss Scott and Miss Tanner."

Tom lifted his head and began stroking Flag's face. "She's magnificent. Is there any chance that I would be allowed to ride her?"

Mark shook his head and opened his mouth to speak, but Mare grabbed his arm and he stopped. Her brow furrowed in thought. Why not? Maybe it would be good for Flag. Might get rid of some of that nervous energy she's had. Might even take her mind off TJ for awhile.

"You said you've ridden horses for a long time, right?"

"Ever since I was two years old." Tom's eyes lit up when he realized the answer might be yes.

"I'll have to check with Miss Scott, but I think it might be all right. You go ahead with your work. I'll go ask her and let you know in a few minutes."

"Great!"

Mare went back to the house and looked for Erin. She caught up to her in TJ's office, looking over the supplies file on the computer, and explained about Tom's request.

"So, what do you think? Shall I tell him it's okay to ride Flag? Or should you ask TJ first?"

Erin hesitated for a moment. "No, I don't think I'll ask TJ. That will just frustrate her more, thinking that she can't ride Flag but some stranger can. Give him an okay. I think it might be good for Flag to have someone take her out. In fact, why don't you have him take her out now for a short ride? That way you can check and see how Flag reacts."

"Good idea. Thanks, Erin. If Paula calls, say hi to TJ for me. Tell her I'll call her around lunchtime, if possible. On second thought, don't tell her that; I'm not sure where I might be." And if she expects me to call and I don't, Paula will have to listen to her bitching. Mare made a quick call to Barry to let him know she would be a little late and would meet him at his first stop. She hung up the phone and walked back to the barn.

"Tom, Miss Scott said to give it a try. I think I should warn you, though, that Miss Meridian might be annoyed that someone else is riding Flag when she isn't able to. So you might run the risk of taking the brunt of her anger."

Tom walked over next to Flag again, reached up and caressed her neck. "Getting a chance to ride this beauty would be worth risking anyone's anger." He turned and grinned so engagingly at Mare that she just had to grin back.

"Just remember I warned you," Mare chuckled. "Flag's been off her feed and a bit skittish--homesick for Miss Meridian, I think. Take her for a short ride right now and we'll see how it goes." Mare tilted her head toward the tack room door. "You'll find everything you need in there."

Mark turned the other two horses out while Tom saddled Flag. Mare leaned against the outside of the stall and watched his sure movements. When he had finished, he held the reins and turned to lead Flag out of the stall, but she shook her head and didn't want to come. He looked perplexed and kept a steady pressure on the reins, but Flag didn't budge, so he grabbed the halter to try to bring her head forward. "What's the matter, girl?" he asked.

"Wait a minute, Tom. That blanket hanging there has T... Miss Meridian's scent on it. I think Flag doesn't want to leave it."

Tom grinned. "Heck, that's no problem." He unhooked the blanket, tied it over his shoulders and tried again to lead Flag out. This time the palomino followed right after him.

Mare chuckled at the picture he made as he swung into the saddle, blanket flying behind him. "Hey, Superman, there's a trail over to the right that eventually goes into the foothills. Just take her about 10 minutes out for right now."

Tom saluted and clucked to Flag. His eyebrows rose and he jerked as the horse broke into a trot before his feet touched her flanks. Mark had halted his work to watch and he laughed out loud. "Guess we shoulda warned him that Flag reacts to sound signals."

"Yeah." Mare grinned, then marveled at how Tom seemed to become one with the horse, just as TJ did. Must be in the genes.

While she waited for Tom to return, she cleaned out the back of her truck. About twenty minutes later, she saw him bringing Flag back at a walk and went into the barn to meet him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes shining as he slid off the palomino, patted her shoulder and unsaddled her. "What a terrific horse!"

He put everything away, then was about to turn Flag out into the corral. "Hey, Doc, she's eating!" Sure enough, Flag ate a good portion of the meal left from her first feeding.

Relief washed over Mare. She grasped Tom's shoulder and gave it a shake. "That is super! Looks like you just got yourself another job. Can you be here an hour earlier and take Flag out each morning?"

"Sure." Tom didn't have to say much, his wide smile spoke for him.

"Not that early in my truck," Mark protested. He was mucking out Ebonair's stall and stopped to listen when he heard Mare mention a new job for Tom.

"No problem. I'll run over here on foot."

"Wonderful." One less thing to worry about! "Make sure you put the extra time on your time card. I'll leave Flag in your capable hands." Mare took her leave, jumped in her truck and headed out to meet Barry.

Thursday came and went. Mare and Erin had made the two-hour drive back to the hospital to be with TJ and Paula on TJ's first day out of the bed, and in the turtle brace Michael had told them about. TJ was grouchy and in no mood to be poked and prodded but the bonus of being able to sit in a chair for part of the day was enough to make her cooperate.

The days dragged on, and the women reluctantly decided that their presence was needed at the ranch to a greater degree.

Another shipment of cattle had arrived and Mare found that, even with Barry on the scene in town, she had her hands full at the ranch and was bone tired by evening. Driving two hours to and from the hospital on an almost daily basis was out of the question. Lack of daily physical contact with TJ made the tired vet's burden even heavier. Phone calls just weren't the same.

On the days when Erin was at the hospital, the curly-headed blonde had tried to keep her hand in on the ranch activities by phone, but found that was not working well. A "walk-around" style of manager, she needed to see things with her own eyes in order to feel confident that her judgments were sound. Spending more time at the ranch was the only answer.

Paula's presence became urgently needed at the packing plant when Fred Morales came down with double pneumonia and she had to take his place. She broke down and commandeered a Meridian car and driver to ferry her between the ranch and the packing plant and, at TJ's urging, had him take her back and forth to the hospital on the days when she was able to visit.

As a result of the increased activity, the hospital visits were cut back to the point where each woman visited TJ on alternating days, arriving around 10:00 in the morning, then driving back that evening. Although she understood the reasoning behind the change in visitations, the additional solitary time weighed heavily on TJ's moods and the visits by Erin and Paula had become times of apprehension for the two women. She had even begun an occasional sniping at Mare.

Paula returned from one of those frustrating sessions to find a dismally darkened house. As she collected her crutches and left the chauffeured car, she remembered that Mare was staying overnight in Sharlesburg; it was her turn to take over her vet friend's practice the next day.

Paula was surprised that Erin wasn't home; it was way past dinnertime. She hobbled upstairs, showered and changed into a pair of beige lounging pajamas. Partially towel-drying her hair, she ran her fingers through it to smooth it out, then carefully descended the stairs.

Paula went into the kitchen and made some fresh coffee then prepared Salisbury steak and a tossed salad for dinner. After eating, she put the leftover steak and salad in the fridge for Erin, then took her coffee into the living room and plopped on the couch to watch a couple of sitcoms. Instead of relaxing, she worried about what was taking Erin so long to get home. She knew her partner had planned to ride the range with Bill, checking for an area on which to graze the current cattle shipment. That it was taking so long was unexpected.

Finally, Erin arrived home--tired, dirty, hungry, sore and irritable.

When Paula heard the door slam shut, she grabbed one crutch and hurried to the kitchen, calling out, "Erin, where on earth have you been?" She stopped just inside the kitchen doorway when she saw the look on Erin's face.

Erin threw her hat down on a chair and yanked off her jacket. A fine film of dirt covered her from head to foot. "Where the hell do you think I've been? I've been busting my ass on a horse all day, trying to keep this ranch going. What have you been doing?"

The nastiness in Erin's tone caught Paula by surprise and she reacted defensively. "Hey, I do my share around here. Spending all day today putting up with TJ's load of baloney wasn't any fun... or running around that packing plant all week on a broken leg."

Erin's lip curled as she hung her jacket on the back of a chair and started toward the living room. "You'd think you were the first person to ever have a broken leg." She looked at the empty range. "I guess it's too much to expect that there's any dinner saved for me."

Paula's jaw set and she restrained her temper with difficulty. "Don't leave your dirty hat and jacket there, Erin."

Erin's frazzled nerves snapped. "Who the hell put you in charge?" She went barreling out of the kitchen. As she passed Paula, she swung her shoulders to clear the doorway and her inner shoulder clipped the edge of Paula's. Erin stomped on out of the kitchen, unaware that Paula, in spite of the walking cast, had tripped over her crutch and lost her balance.

As Paula went down, she dropped the cumbersome crutch and grabbed hold of a chair. It went over with a clatter, bringing Erin charging back into the kitchen. "Polly! Polly, are you all right?" Erin dropped to her knees next to her partner.

"Yeah, I'll be okay as soon as I can get out from under this damn chair," Paula growled. "Fat lot of good that stupid crutch is."

Erin helped her up then grasped her shoulders and waited until Paula's downcast eyes raised to meet hers. "I'm really sorry, Paula. You know I didn't mean to do that." Erin saw sadness and pain flicker across Paula's face. She pulled her close, put her arms around her and started a soothing pat on her lover's back. "Look, we promised ourselves that we wouldn't let the pressures we're under hurt us this time, right?"

"Right," Paula murmured against the side of Erin's neck. Her arms moved up and closed around her partner's back.

Erin mentally kicked herself as she felt Paula trembling. She blinked rapidly against the dampness that entered her eyes. "Then let's keep that promise. I'm really sorry I took my bad temper out on you. I'll try not to let it happen again, okay?" Paula's head nodded against the side of Erin's face. "I love you, Paula."

"I love you, too, sweetheart." They hugged for a moment more, relaxing in the welcome closeness. Then Paula pulled back and looked into Erin's moist, hazel eyes. "I did save you some dinner. Come on upstairs and I'll draw you a hot bath while you get outta those dirty duds. Then you can eat."

Erin bit her bottom lip as a wave of gratitude swept through her. She gave her partner another hard squeeze then bent to retrieve the crutch. When she straightened, their eyes met and after she handed Paula the crutch, she patted her cheek with her fingertips. "You are always so thoughtful."

Paula leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against Erin's lips. "I learned it from you, kiddo."

The two women climbed the stairs with an arm around each other. Paula ran a hot bath for Erin then warmed up her supper. After the bath, she wrapped Erin in a double-thick terry cloth robe and made sure she ate, then led her to their bedroom. They both disrobed and Paula sat next to her lover's waist, her cast barely resting on the floor. She was just completing a relaxing massage of Erin's back and shoulders.

"What do you mean, you can't do it? I can go there instead of you." Paula frowned at her partner who lay facedown on the bed.

Erin's arms were crossed under her face, partially muffling her voice, but it still sounded weary. "It's my turn to go see TJ. She's expecting a report from me about the ranch. You know she doesn't like to have her plans changed."

Paula moved her mending leg up onto the bed, turned over, then slowly lay down against Erin's back. Sliding her arms under Erin as she moved, she luxuriated in the feel of her lover's warm skin as it came into gradual contact with her descending body. Relishing the moment, she caught her breath as she felt and heard the low moan summoned by her moving palms. She almost didn't continue the conversation; there were a lot of other things she would rather be murmuring into Erin's perfectly shaped ear. She sighed. But first things first.

"You've had a terribly long, tiring day on horseback, sweetheart, and I know you are in no shape for a two-hour drive first thing in the morning. You can phone in your report. I say you should stay here and I'll go in your place." She bent her head and nibbled Erin's neck. "Not to mention that TJ will probably welcome you with her usual acid comments. Are you really looking forward to that?"

"Not especially, but if you go in my place, you're liable to hear a lot worse from her." Another nibble and Erin moaned again, wishing this conversation were over. "She is the boss, you know, and she won't like someone else making that decision."

"And who do you think is in the best position to be making decisions about what you do?" Paula's voice held a sultry chuckle as she pressed against Erin's back and her hands squeezed softly against silky skin.

Erin shifted and squirmed delightfully against Paula's body and hands until she was on her back, face to face with her dark-haired lover's gleaming eyes. She wrapped her arms around Paula's neck and breathed, "I'd have to say your position beats hers, hands down. Or up... or... anywhere you want them. You win."

"I win the argument?"

"Yessssss. And me." Erin tightened her arms, pulling Paula's lips into the embrace of hers.

********************

Paula swung on her crutches into the hospital room with her guard up. TJ's eyes were closed, affording Paula the opportunity to walk closer and examine her face. Her expression softened as she saw the signs of fatigue showing there and the dark smudges under her magnetic eyes that went unnoticed when TJ was awake.

"Today is Erin's day." The voice startled Paula and she moved back a step as TJ's eyes popped open. "Why isn't she here?"

"And hello to you, too, TJ." Paula swiftly changed from startled to irked. "I know you're not up to par, but is it too tough to be civil?" The blue eyes widened a bit, and focused a stare on Paula who waited, not sure what reaction was coming. Damn, it's hard to look into those eyes and stay mad.

"Hello, Paula." The voice was flat, not friendly. "Is something wrong with Erin?"

"She was riding all over the ranch yesterday from dawn to dark. She was tired and sore, so I offered to switch places with her."

"That's part of her job. I was expecting a report from her today, and she knew that." TJ sounded accusatory and Paula winced.

"She can give it to you over the phone. I didn't see any need for her to push herself to show up here today. No sense in her getting sick over it. Nothing is that urgent." Sarcasm crept into Paula's tone, in spite of her intention to avoid it.

TJ glowered. "As long as I run Meridian Corporation, those decisions are mine to make. You should have called me about it."

"Look, TJ..." Paula's hold on her temper was slipping.

"No, you look!" TJ's voice hardened. "When I tell Erin to be here, she damn well better be here! If you two don't understand that, then maybe you better..." TJ stopped, grimacing as another wave of pain hit her. She closed her eyes then opened them to see the anger on Paula's face turn into solicitude.

The blue eyes dulled and TJ's voice lowered wearily. "Don't go looking at me like that, Paula. I don't want your damn sympathy--I count on you to give as good as you get. Erin's an appeaser. Every time I yell at her, she backs off." TJ frowned, then followed it with a small snort. "At least Mare still puts her two-cents-worth in."

Paula set her crutches against the foot of the bed, skidded a chair closer to it and sat down. "There's something I have to tell you, TJ... sort of a warning."

TJ's head swung sideways to focus her gaze on dark-brown eyes glittering with concern.

"A warning?" A spark of interest glowed in the depths of the pain. "About what?"

"I think you ought to be a little more careful about what you say to Mare and how you say it. You don't want to drive her away, do you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" TJ scowled, then her eyes narrowed from another jolt of pain.

Paula hesitated, not sure of how much to say or if she should be saying anything. But she was worried about Mare and TJ and how TJ's injury was affecting their relationship. I know these two love each other, but sometimes that makes spats worse--the cuts go deeper and the acid remarks burn even more. Mare is definitely on edge about moving to the ranch. I'm wondering if she can handle TJ's irritability...or will it push her away?

TJ frowned in exasperation. "Spit it out, Paula! Has Mare been complaining?"

Paula shifted uncomfortably in the chair and looked away from TJ's compelling glare. Making up her mind, she turned back and looked TJ straight in the eye. "Mare seems to be having some second thoughts about a few things. After all, she's had a lot of emotional upheaval: falling for you, finding her dad, seeing all three of us hurt in the accident..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all that," TJ interrupted impatiently. "What are the second thoughts about?" Another kind of pain fought to come to the fore in TJ's remarkable eyes. Paula thought she saw a hint of fear mingling with it.

"Hiring a new assistant has been a big step for her, and so has opening a second office at the ranch. But her biggest concern has to do with moving to the ranch to live there. I think that has been a bigger change for her than she anticipated it would be, and she's really bothered by it."

TJ's jaw set and she suddenly seemed to shut down all her feelings. Paula grabbed her hand. "TJ, I'm only telling you this because I want you to go a little easier on her. We all recognize that you're pulling a heavy load, but Mare is, too. Give her a break, will ya?"

"Sure, sure, Paula. Thanks for letting me know." Another surge of pain made TJ pull away from Paula's hand and reach for the anesthesia pump. "I need to take some more pain-killer and that always puts me to sleep. Why don't you go to the cafeteria and grab yourself some coffee or lunch or something?"

Paula was surprised that TJ had taken her news so calmly but she reached for her crutches and stood up. "Okay, I'll do that. I'll come back and keep you company when I'm finished."

"Right." TJ watched Paula hobble out the door. Then the doubts hit her full force and tears welled in her eyes. Don't leave me, Mare. You can't leave me. What would my life be like without you? But the cold, hard fact was that Mare could walk away anytime she took a notion to, and she would be tearing out TJ's heart when she did it. TJ's thinking began to falter as the anesthesia took hold. I can't let her do that to me...I'll... leave her first... if I have to...Fiery, frightening images stalked through TJ's brain, reaching out and dragging her down into their blood-red realm.

Chapter 8

When Gloria Raphaele returned home from her volunteer work at the hospital in Ridgeton, Pennsylvania, she went upstairs to change her clothes, choosing brown slacks and a gold tunic. She had just completed that task when the phone rang and she picked it up.

The apologetic voice coming over the phone was not saying what she wanted to hear. "We're still trying, Mrs. Raphaele. Your son's having no car or credit cards makes it very difficult to trace him. We've checked buses, trains, planes and showed his picture all over town. No one has found anything yet."

In her mid forties, Gloria Raphaele presented a handsome picture. Short, thick, black hair combed straight back from her face set off her large, brown eyes and fine features. Of medium height and build, she projected the warmth of her personality with her quick smile and expressive hands.

One of those hands was now rubbing knuckles against the furrows forming between her eyebrows. Think, Gloria! Where might Tom go? What would make him run away? She had been asking herself the same question for weeks. The truth was, Tom had been growing farther away from her for a number of years--ever since his father's death. Part of that was her own "fault." Because she hadn't wanted Tom to grow up in a house with a lonely woman for company, she sent him to a private boarding school where he could get an excellent education, and have some male "father figures" to look up to.

When he graduated at the head of his class, she tried to convince herself that she had done the right thing in sending him away. But the look on his face when she had told him of her plans for his college education still tore at her heart.

"Away? You want to send me away to school, again?" Those marvelous blue eyes he had inherited from his father pinned her to her chair. "I'm not going, Mother. At least, not yet."

"Tom, this is for your own good. You'll get an education at Harvard that you can't get anywhere else in the world." She stood up and put her hand on his forearm. "Right now, Raphaele Consultants is just a name on a piece of paper, but you could bring the business to life, make it a reality. Your father always wanted that."

She saw Tom's jaw set and his eyes tighten. He stood taller and straightened his shoulders in a pose so reminiscent of his father that Gloria caught her breath. He already has his father's stubborn streak. He'll soon be a grown man and will need the education. I have to make him understand that I am only concerned for his future.

Tom's voice pitched lower and softly vibrated. "But Father's not here, now. It's time for me to start deciding some things for myself. I want to wait a year or two before starting college. I was the youngest in my class--two years younger than most of them. I won't lose a thing by waiting until I'm eighteen."

Gloria's eyebrows lowered as she eyed her son. "I suppose we could arrange for you to start in the January semester. But why do you want to wait, Tom? What do you want to do?" Tom's reluctance puzzled Gloria. He had always acquiesced to her suggestions in the past, even when not especially fond of them.

Walking over to one of the living room windows, Tom pulled the drape and gazed out. "I want to see what's going on out there in the world. I want to experience how other people live." His mother didn't know that he had his computer set up to forward any reference to the name Meridian found on the wire services. I have a sister out there, somewhere, who was in a terrible accident two years ago. She was almost killed then and she could have been killed in the accident she just had. I want to meet her, to see what she's like, to get to know her--before anything else happens and I lose her for good. Like I lost my brother, a brother I never met.

But he couldn't tell his mother that. She had signed some papers when his father was alive, agreeing not to ever interfere with his other family or Meridian Corporation. In return, his father had quietly set up Raphaele Consultants and funneled enough money and stock into the dummy company to set them up for life. But I'm not my Mother. I didn't sign anything. I want to meet my sister!

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Tom. I can't agree with your thinking and I would like to make an appointment for you to speak to Harold Benns. I think he might be able to give you some good advice about it."

"Sure, Mother, make an appointment with Mr. Benns." Lawyers always think they know what's best for everybody else. Especially a lawyer who's in love with your mother.

Gloria made the appointment for three days away. But when she went to get Tom, to take him to the meeting, she found a letter on his bed.

Dear Mother,

I know you feel that you have my best interests at heart, and I love you for it. But I've been shut away from the world for the last four years and I need a chance to be a part of it, to find my way in it. Please don't be too upset. I'm not running away forever. I'll contact you when I think the time is right.

Love,

Tom

Gloria stood a few moments in shock. Then she went to the phone and dialed a familiar number. "Harold, Tom has run away from home. Please get me a detective agency to find him. Yes, please come over. I'd like that. Good-bye." Then Gloria had dropped into a chair and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.

Well, the detective agency had been searching for weeks and didn't seem any nearer to finding Tom. Today's call was just an echo of the same one she had been receiving every day. Disappointed and dejected, she hung up the phone and sat thinking. But nothing new came to mind.

She rose to go downstairs. As she approached Tom's bedroom door, she turned and went in. She stood for a while, letting her eyes rove around the room, imagining Tom seated at his desk, speaking to her.

She wandered over to the flat-topped desk and sat down. Idly, her hands played with a letter opener and an empty CD holder; then a picture frame caught her eye. The picture was stuck facedown into one of the pigeonholes lined up on the back edge of the desk. Gloria's lips curved into a soft smile. Probably a girl friend. She reached for the picture, turned it over, and saw that it was a picture cut from a magazine.

The dark-haired woman sat up in surprise. She was looking into the face of another dark-haired woman leaning over the neck of a palomino horse as it jumped a water barrier. Her breath caught. My God, look at those eyes... Tom's eyes... my son's eyes. If she had any doubts about the person in the picture, the caption erased them: Taylor Jade Meridian and Faithful Flag on their way to another win.

With trembling hands, she reached for the desk phone and called the detective agency. "This is Gloria Raphaele. I think I may know where my son is. Find out for me where Taylor Jade Meridian is living. That's right, the head of Meridian Corporation. Just get me her current address. If he's anywhere near there, just let me know." If he's with Taylor Meridian, I'll take care of it myself.

********************

TJ sat quietly, fingers impatiently drumming out a beat on the arms of her chair. Blues eyes repeatedly strayed to the clock on the wall. Mare was late, only by a few minutes but enough to make the raven-haired woman nervous and enough to reinforce her commitment to not trying on those braces until her own blonde-haired, green-eyed, bundle of optimism walked through the door.

TJ had already caught the looks of annoyance and pointed glares at the clock from the therapist and her assistant. For the past couple of weeks she’d been poked, prodded and measured everywhere possible, at her partner's insistence that she at least give the braces and therapy a go. Today was supposed to be the first time that she would wear the braces and the start of some very intensive physical therapy sessions. Mare had promised her faithfully that she would be here for the session. TJ had made it abundantly clear to everybody who cared to listen that the braces were going nowhere near her legs unless her hand was being held by her lover. And as far as TJ was concerned the therapists could mumble and mutter all they wanted that her relationship with Mare, and therefore her father, meant she was getting special treatment.

The fact of the matter was the therapists were the ones getting the special treatment. Compared to the first time she had been in this position in a hospital, TJ was being a positive angel. They wouldn’t have a clue what hit them if she decided she really wanted to be awkward about this. She took another quick look at the clock. Fifteen minutes late. Where the hell is she? Mare had been late before on several occasions but had always managed to phone ahead to let her know if that was the case. She had better be okay. If she’s crashed or hurt herself in any way I’ll, I’ll... I don’t know what I’ll do. TJ's heart lurched at the very thought of anything bad happening to Mare.

"Miss Meridian?" TJ looked up at the petite, ginger-haired therapist who had been giving her the evil eye for the last twenty minutes. "We really need to get started with this."

"Not until Mare gets here," TJ replied stubbornly.

The therapist bit back a sigh and tapped her foot. "Miss, we don’t know when she’ll get here and we all have other patients besides you who need our attention. Now, please, stop being childish and let us get on with this," the therapist implored, failing to see the hardening of TJ’s eyes.

"Obviously," TJ leaned forward and peered at the small woman’s name badge, "Jackie, you don’t hear too well. I said I’m waiting for Mare to get here. If you have other patients to see, please go ahead and see them. But those..." she jabbed her finger toward the waiting braces, "don’t come anywhere near me till my partner gets here. Was that clear enough? Or would you like me to write it down for you?"

Jackie blanched at TJ’s tone and was about to reply when the door opened behind her. She turned, hoping to see Dr. Gillis’ daughter who seemed to be the only person capable of keeping this obnoxious, awkward and spoiled patient under control. But she was disappointed to see a large, black woman, wearing therapist's whites, walk in. "Can I help you?" she asked, taking out some of her frustration on the newcomer, not having heard the groan from TJ behind her.

The woman smiled. "I doubt it, but I might be able to help you," she replied. She leaned around the woman and looked at TJ who was concentrating on trying not to be noticed. "Morning, TJ."

Blue eyes looked up from beneath lowered eyebrows. "Sacha."

Jackie looked back at TJ then to the new arrival TJ had called Sacha, confusion written all over her face.

Sacha stepped around the smaller therapist, not ignoring her as such but knowing that she needed to get TJ busy with something before she killed Jackie and totally ruined the day. Judging by what she had heard from outside the door, that action wasn’t far off. "So why aren’t we doing our exercises?" She placed herself in front of TJ, blocking her view of the other therapist.

"I’m waiting for Mare to arrive," TJ said quietly.

Ah, the boss' daughter. "Does that stop you from working on your upper body strength?"

"No."

Sacha bent down so her eyes were level with TJ. "Then you just wheel yourself over there and get on with them. We’ll give Mare another twenty minutes or so and then decide what to do, okay?" TJ nodded then turned her chair and wheeled over to the free weights. Sacha watched her go, a smile creasing her face. Some people never change.

She turned to face Jackie and her assistant who were standing there stunned. "Didn’t think that was possible, did ya?" The two shook their heads. Sacha held out her hand. "Hi, I’m Sacha Courtney. Dr. Gillis just hired me. I have a lot of experience with paraplegics and with this one in particular," she said as she shook each woman's hand.

"Jackie Fletcher," said the therapist. "This is my assistant, Max."

"Nice to meet you both. How long have you been working with TJ?"

"This is our first session. Harry, one of the other therapists, has been working with her. But he went on compassionate leave a couple of days ago."

Sacha glanced at her watch before replying, "Well, you lasted thirty minutes. That’s pretty good with TJ. Most don’t get past ten."

"Excuse me?" asked a puzzled Jackie.

"TJ is rather renowned for having people flee in terror extremely quickly. You were just about to be the recipient of the world famous Meridian temper."

"She’s a spoiled brat is what she is. All this special treatment because she’s seeing the boss' daughter…"

Sacha couldn’t fail to hear the sarcasm in Jackie’s voice and she indicated that they should move to the desk at the back of the gym. "TJ’s not spoilt… far from it in fact, my dear. She just knows what she wants. You have to remember she’s been through this before, she knows the script and the last time she remained in the wheelchair. The more you try to force the issue, the more she’ll buck your authority."

"She did what you told her to."

"Yeah, but TJ knows me and respects my abilities. She hasn’t a clue about your abilities, or who you are, except for the fact that you obviously don’t like her. Your attitude stinks, quite frankly." Sacha’s forthright and blunt comment shocked Jackie into silence. "TJ is an intelligent woman and this isn’t the first time she’s been offered the hope of walking. Today is an important step in seeing whether she is ever going to get out of that chair. It's understandable that she wants her support system with her. We’ll wait and let TJ make the decision. If her partner doesn’t arrive and TJ doesn’t want to go ahead, then we’ll reschedule for another day. On the other hand, TJ may decide to go ahead and try them out. But it has to be her decision; you can’t force her into it."

Sacha’s words proved to be prophetic. TJ wheeled over twenty minutes later.

"Come on. Let's get this over with."

********************

TJ sat in her bed listening. She could hear Mare outside of her room; she was late by over an hour. At first TJ had been worried and even tried calling her on her cell phone, but it had been switched off. As she sat watching the minute hand of the clock progress nearly twice around its route, that worry had turned to anger.

Now she was still waiting as Mare chatted and laughed with Nancy at the nurse's station. No doubt Nancy is telling her I wouldn’t eat breakfast and that I upset the nurse last night. Then after they’ve finished giggling over what they did last night, she’ll come in and tell me off. TJ picked at the blanket covering her, listening to the laughter. She looked up at the door as the laughter stopped and Mare walked in.

"Nancy tells me you upset the nurse last night and that you also didn’t eat breakfast." Mare leaned over and kissed TJ on the head. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"Did she also tell you how many times I sneezed?"

"I see we’re in one of those moods, are we?" Mare sat down in the chair by the bed, catching hold of TJ’s hand as she did. "So, what’s up?"

TJ looked over at her incredulously. "What’s up? You want to know what’s up?

Mare could tell by TJ’s expression that she was upset. Okay, let's see what I’ve done wrong this time. Mare sighed. "Yes, that’s what I want to know."

"You were supposed to be here two hours ago, Mare," said TJ, pulling her hand away from Mare.

"I know, I know. I’m late and I’m sorry. I got caught up at work." Mare took TJ’s hand again and squeezed.

"You're sorry? That’s just great--you’re sorry. I get poked and prodded, fitted with the leg braces you insisted I try out, and you're sorry?"

Mare felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Oh, hell. "That was this morning?"

"Yeah, but please don’t let it interfere with your social life."

"TJ, honey, come on, that’s not fair. I was working."

"Not fair? I’ll tell you what’s not fair, Mare. Not fair is being stuck in here while everybody else is out there enjoying themselves. Not fair is sitting in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Not fair is going through all this crap and knowing that it isn’t going to make the slightest bit of difference."

Mare closed her eyes, feeling the pain at TJ’s comments slice through her. She’s upset, she’s just lashing out. Stay calm. "I know you're frustrated but..."

"How could you possibly know? You're not stuck here, are you?" yelled TJ.

"No, I’m not, TJ. Do you want me to be? Is that it? You expect me to be at your beck and call all the time?" So much for staying calm, but hell, what does she want from me? "I have a life and a business to run outside of us, you know, and unlike you I can’t sit behind a desk to run it or have my lackeys do it for me." Mare stood up and started pacing the room.

"I’m not forcing you to be here. If you don’t want to be, you don’t have to be," replied TJ, watching Mare as she paced back and forth.

"What? I can’t believe you said that. Is this relationship getting a little too hard for you and you want to throw it out?" Mare had stopped at the foot of the bed, staring daggers at TJ.

"No, but it seems you might want that." TJ didn’t back down from Mare’s challenging gaze.

"Oh really? Do you have any idea what I’ve given up for this relationship? I stood up to a town that hated you and took all the crap that they threw. I moved out of my home and brought a partner into my practice so I could be with you. What have you done? What have you sacrificed?"

My heart? thought TJ, but she remained silent. Mare is right. She has given up a lot to be with me. So why are you pushing this? Why are you pushing her away? TJ looked up at Mare and saw pain in her face. Because, if she stays, that will be the look on her face all the time. She’s already told Paula that she thought she’d got in over her head, that she couldn’t handle this. So let her out of it now. It will be less painful for us both. "Nothing, apparently. And I think that is how it should stay. We should bring this sham of a relationship to an end."

Mare was stunned at TJ’s quiet comment. Did she say what I think she said? Mare took a shuddering breath. "Sham? You think what we have is a sham?" Mare could feel her heart pounding in her chest, the ache it was causing bringing tears to her eyes. Unconsciously, her hand flattened against her chest, trying to push the pain away.

"I think it's pretty obvious that neither of us is happy. It's only going to get worse if we carry on pretending that we are."

"Fine. If that's the way you feel, I’ll start looking for somewhere to live. I’ll be out of the ranch before you get home." Mare walked around the chair and picked up her bag.

"Don’t worry about it; you can stay there. I’m going to ask your dad to have me transferred to Atlanta. I’ll be going back to my town house when I’m released."

Mare paused, a horrified thought invading her mind. "You’re going to close the ranch? And the plant?"

TJ barked a sarcastic laugh. "I’m not my father. I’ll appoint a general manager, or Erin and Paula can run them if they want. They do it already so it wouldn’t be that much of a change."

Mare let out a silent sigh of relief and then hesitated, unsure of what to do now. "In that case, I’ll stay at the ranch till I can find something in town. I guess I won’t be seeing you around. Take care of yourself." Mare turned and hurried from the room, not wanting TJ to see the tears pouring down her face.

TJ let her head fall back onto the pillows behind her, not watching as Mare rushed from the room. Tears rolled slowly from her eyes.

Mare rested her back against the door, silent sobs racking her body. I can’t believe that it’s over… I thought we were stronger than that. She felt an arm wrap around her shoulder and opened her eyes to see Nancy standing by her.

"You okay, honey?" inquired the nurse. Mare cried harder at the sympathetic tone and Nancy pulled her into a hug. "Hey, hey, come on, it will be okay," soothed the nurse as she pulled Mare to a nearby seat. "Now tell me what’s wrong. You two had a fight, huh?"

Mare nodded, brushing the tears from her face as she sat down. "Yeah."

"A bad one?" Mare nodded again. Nancy smiled to herself. She had been a nurse for over ten years, and with Mare’s dad for the last six. She’d seen this sort of thing many times before. "Don’t take it to heart, Mare. You’ve both been under a lot of pressure. You had to let it loose sometime." Nancy dug an unused tissue from her pocket and handed it to Mare.

"I think this one went a little too far, Nancy. We broke up." Mare blew her nose and sniffed, getting her breathing back under control.

"Nonsense," scolded the nurse. "TJ’s had a rotten day and from the look of it so have you. Let everything calm down. Come back tomorrow and sort it out."

Mare sniffed again and looked at Nancy. "What do you mean TJ’s had a rotten day? You didn’t say anything when I came in."

"I know," replied Nancy. "But I didn’t think that you’d be having an argument as soon as you walked in the door either. TJ was really upset that you weren’t here this morning. I tried ringing your cell phone but there was no reply. And the fitting didn’t go exactly as planned because, without you there, she wasn’t in a cooperative mood."

Nancy's face showed compassion. "I think TJ finally realized that, even with the braces, there isn’t any chance of her walking. I know your dad has spoken to you about this and that at first they had high hopes of some return of function. But, as you know from the tests, there has been very little change. She's a fighter, Mare. She wanted to lash out at somebody and you were the one who took it." Nancy patted Mare’s knee. "Now go home and come back tomorrow, and you can sort this out when you are both thinking more clearly."

Mare nodded and waited till Nancy brought her coat. "Thanks, Nancy. I’ll see you tomorrow."

"Drive carefully, Mare."

"I will." Mare gave the nurse a hug and walked down the corridor to the elevator.

Nancy waited until Mare had disappeared, before opening the door to TJ’s room. She walked up to the bed, taking hold of TJ’s chart and ignoring the woman silently crying. She walked around the bed, checking the readouts on the one monitor still attached to TJ and the P.C.A. pump that still administered analgesia as required.

"Feel better now?" she asked as she put TJ’s chart down. TJ continued to stare up at the ceiling. "No? Well neither does Mare. I sent her home after I got her to stop crying. What am I going to do with you, huh?" She still got no reply. "Look, TJ, I’ve seen this a hundred times. I can’t say I understand what you are going through because I've never been in your situation. I do know that we all say things, in the heat of the moment, that we regret. Mare will be back in the morning and I expect you both to work this out." Nancy squeezed TJ’s hand before leaving her.

Chapter 9

Paula was sprawled in T-shirt and shorts on the couch, cast outstretched, while she idly flicked through the TV channels with the remote. With all the channels available via cable and satellite she still couldn’t find anything that would garner her attention for more than a few minutes. Normally when she was in one of these moods she’d pester Erin or go into the kitchen to cook or bake. Today she could do neither. The kitchen was out of the question due to her still-cast leg. Not for much longer… just another two weeks. Yippee! And Erin, finally released from her wrist cast, was out riding Flag.

The horse had calmed down remarkably with the constant scented blankets that Mare brought back from the hospital--and since Tom had started to care for her. Paula knew they would have to be careful when TJ returned from the hospital. TJ had already been told it would be months before she would be able to ride again, which hadn’t gone down too well; she’d be even more annoyed when she found out that Tom had been taking the horse out.

Never mind what she’ll think when she finds out that he’s her brother. Oh yeah, I can see a happy family reunion around the corner. Now why can’t I actually believe it’s going to be happy? Maybe because nothing is ever that easy around TJ? Yeah, that’s got to be it. Still, she could surprise me, I guess. Even with the constant riding, Flag was still finicky and was demanding a lot of attention, rather like her owner.

Paula sighed and switched off the TV. Tossing that remote to one side, she picked up another and turned the stereo on, hoping that she’d be able to find some music that would satisfy her. She found a sultry rendition of an old country tune and decided to stay on that station. Since she’d moved to Texas she’d attained a liking for the modern country music scene.

Flopping back onto the couch, Paula relaxed into a light doze. She didn’t know how long she had napped when she cocked her head, hearing the rumble of an engine swing by the front of the house. A frown creased her forehead. I wonder who that can be? We’re not expecting any visitors as far as I know. Mare is with TJ and Erin’s riding. Bill and the ranch hands use the back road. Guess that means I have a guest. Groaning, she pushed herself upright and grabbed her crutches, hesitating as she heard the back door open. Okay, I guess it isn’t a guest, she thought as she resumed the struggle to her feet.

The door slammed shut as Paula hobbled toward the kitchen. When she finally reached it, she saw Mare leaning against the island. "Hi! You're back early, aren’t you?" she asked cheerfully, her voice sounding loud in the relative quiet of the kitchen. Mare looked over at her and shrugged. Paula recognized the red puffiness around her eyes and the slump of her shoulders. Uh oh, this doesn’t look good. A worried shiver rippled through her body. What the hell has happened now?

Quickly she hobbled the rest of the way over to her friend, rested one of her crutches against the island and put her hand on Mare’s shoulder. "You okay?" Mare shook her head and Paula slipped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug.

Mare wrapped her arms around Paula and squeezed back. The overload of emotion caused the tears that had dried on the journey back to reappear.

Paula’s worry was growing by the second. Mare was sobbing inconsolably in her arms and the only reason Paula could think of for that happening was that something was terribly wrong with TJ. "Mare, I need you to calm down and tell me what’s happened." Mare took some deep heaving breaths to calm her breathing. "Is it TJ?" Paula persisted. Mare nodded her head. Paula shuffled back, holding Mare at arm's length so she could see her face properly. "Mare, listen to me carefully. Is TJ okay?" Paula’s heart was pounding in her chest, waiting for the answer, but Mare nodded and she sighed in relief. Okay, TJ hasn’t taken a turn for the worse. Let's find out what has happened and get it cleared up. And where the hell is Erin? Why is it I’m always the one who has to clear up the emotional turmoil in this place? "So tell me what’s wrong?"

Mare took a deep breath and looked at Paula with wounded eyes. "We… we had an argument," she stuttered.

Paula felt her heart stop for one painful beat, then restart double time. This is absurd. Mare’s a wreck because they’ve had an argument? Here I was, thinking that TJ’s condition had deteriorated, or something, and they’ve only had an argument! Jesus. Okay, calm down. Obviously it is a bad one, otherwise she wouldn’t be like this. Erin! I’ll kill you, I honestly will. Next time I’m saving the hard stuff for you. "You had an argument?" Paula said softly, checking that she’d heard Mare correctly the first time. Mare nodded to her again. Well, on the plus side, at least I can handle arguments. "You want to tell me what it was about and maybe we can sort it out?"

Wearily, Mare sat on one of the stools cluttered around one side of the island as Paula maneuvered herself onto another. She swiped at the tears that still fell down her face and looked over at Paula. "TJ was in a really bad mood this morning. Nancy told me that she’d upset Janice on the night shift again. Why she has to antagonize the woman I’ll never know. Anyway, I walked into her room and remarked on it and she blew up on me, big time." Mare dropped her eyes studying the marbled effect of the floor.

"Was there any other reason for her outburst?" Paula asked gently. TJ could be bad but she normally had a reason that sent her off the deep-end and that just didn’t seem like a good enough one to her.

Mare looked up with a grimace. "Yeah, there was. I was late getting to the hospital this morning; I got tied up in surgery. I missed her brace fitting and physical therapy."

Ouch! Paula winced, TJ had been reluctant to try the leg braces but Mare had sweet-talked her into at least giving it a try. "How late were you?" If she was that busy, I bet she didn’t get round to giving TJ a ring to let her know either. I’ll bet TJ was worried silly. Not that she’d just say that to Mare of course… no, she'd hide her fear with anger.

"I totally forgot about the fitting. I got caught up with a collie that had been hit by a car. I didn’t even think to phone and say I wouldn’t get there till mid-morning." Mare glanced at Paula seeing her raised eyebrows. "Two hours. I was two hours late."

Ah hell, thought Paula as a sinking feeling flooded her body. She could just imagine TJ’s reaction to Mare’s absence. "What did she say?"

"Basically, she said..." She stopped and turned as the kitchen door opened.

"Hi guys, what a great day," came Erin’s bubbly voice, which trailed off as she saw Mare’s face. "Or not, as the case may be. What’s up?"

"TJ and Mare have had a bit of a bust up. Mare was just telling me what happened," replied Paula, smiling sweetly at her lover as she came over and kissed her on the cheek.

Uh oh, I can tell from that smile I’ll be in trouble later if I don’t help sort this out. "Guess I’ll get us all a drink, then," Erin said as she went over to the fridge and got out the perpetually filled jug of iced tea. She grabbed some mugs and returned to take a seat at the island. Handing Mare a mug of the tea, she prompted, "So what happened?"

"TJ was in her usual rotten mood this morning," Paula began. "More so, though, because Mare missed her brace fitting and therapy due to getting tied up with some surgery. That’s as far as we’ve got," explained Paula. "Go on, Mare, tell us what happened next."

"Basically she said if I didn’t care enough to be there, then I shouldn’t have pushed her into trying the braces. I told her she was being unfair and she lit into me, shouting that unfair was being stuck in the hospital and being in a wheelchair for the rest of her life." Mare stopped. Her hands absently pushed the mug around the island top, as she looked up at Paula and Erin’s concerned expressions. Yeah, I know. I should have phoned her. I know she would have been worried, when I wasn’t there, that something had happened. I shouldn’t have let her get to me.

"We were both being nasty but, for some reason, today her attitude got to me." Mare sighed again. And now because I snapped I’ve most probably destroyed our relationship. "So I pointed out to her that I had a life and responsibilities outside our relationship." And that didn’t cut her deeply at all, did it? she thought scathingly to herself. Her glance went back to her two friends, wondering whether she’d just lost them as well.

Paula and Erin were stunned at the severity of the argument. TJ, they both knew, was particularly volatile and had the ability to cut those around her when she was depressed or hurting. Now they learned that Mare's tongue could be just as sharp. "Is that all that was said?" asked Erin.

"No, we said a lot more than that. Now that I’m sitting here telling you guys, it all seems so petty. Yes, I have outside responsibilities and so does TJ. Before the accident she accepted that without question. But something has happened to change that, to make her doubt what we had together." Mare shook her head. "I should have called her and let her know what was going on, and I should have kept my temper. Instead I made it a lot worse when I told her I’d given up a lot for her--my home, part of my practice--and that essentially she’d given up nothing. That seemed to really set her off."

She glanced over to Erin and Paula again. Paula had gone pale; her eyes had taken on a stricken look. "Hey, are you okay?" Mare leaned forward and took hold of her arm.

"Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, but I think that I might have caused a part of this problem," she said worriedly.

Mare frowned.

"How?" asked Erin, raising an eyebrow.

"When I went to see TJ a few days ago she was in a horrendous mood. And I sort of told her that her attitude was driving Mare away and that she was already having second thoughts about moving in. That if she wasn’t careful, Mare would leave."

"You said what!" Mare yelled, jumping to her feet.

Paula closed her eyes, flinching from the harsh tone of Mare’s voice. "I didn’t mean to cause a problem. I thought it would just make TJ think a little before she spoke, that’s all," replied Paula, in a desperate plea for understanding from the visibly upset and angry vet.

Erin reached over, took hold of her hand and squeezed. "It’s okay, love. You only did what you thought was right."

"Okay? Okay?" shouted Mare as she paced across the kitchen floor. "It wasn’t okay and it didn’t help. TJ has decided to transfer back to the hospital in Atlanta and live in the town house."

Paula dropped her head guiltily. "I’m sorry, really I am."

Erin patted her hand, her eyes shooting daggers at the still pacing Mare. "That’s okay, sweetheart, you did nothing wrong." Mare snorted in derision at the comment, not noticing the change in Erin's expression. With one more reassuring pat, Erin stood up and faced Mare. "Mare, why don’t you sit down and we’ll try to figure out a way to sort this out."

Mare’s eyes bored holes into her and she opened her mouth to speak, but she and Paula both jumped when Erin's palm smacked down on the island's surface. Her voice hardened. "Dammit! I said… sit… down. You want to get this straightened out, or not?" Mare’s objections shattered under Erin’s intense glare and she sat back down, avoiding looking at Paula.

"That's better." Erin sat down, too, took a moment to calm herself and spoke firmly. "Over the past few weeks I’ve been with TJ more than either of you and I can tell you, Mare, that, once she has business matters out of the way, all she talks about is you. How wonderful you are, how your presence brightens her day... how much you’ve changed her life and how much she loves you."

Mare hung her head, refusing to look at Erin and shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "And I’ve been around you too, Mare. I know this has been hard for you and that you’ve had some concerns but, frankly, you gush about TJ in the same way. So it seems to me we have a solid foundation to work this out from."

She looked at both of the women. "We all know that TJ has been depressed the last few weeks. We expected it and we tried to prepare ourselves for it. And we all know that we’ve been under a lot of pressure, too. We knew it was going to be hard, so let's quit moaning about it and fix it." Erin took a breath. "Mare, what exactly did TJ say about moving back to the city?"

Mare was still angry, but her common sense told her that she was angrier at the situation than she was at Paula's interference. She knew Paula had only been trying to help. "She said that our relationship wasn’t working and we should call it quits." Mare stopped for a moment, wrestling for control of her voice. "I told her to give me a week to find a place to stay and I’d move my stuff. She said not to bother because she wasn’t coming back here… she would be transferring out to the hospital that treated her originally, then moving to the town house."

"Well, that isn’t as bad as it could have been, I suppose," remarked Erin.

"What do you mean?" inquired Mare.

"She didn’t throw you out, for one thing; it shows that she still cares for you. Our problem will be convincing our stubborn, pig-headed friend to cooperate with us." Erin considered her next words very carefully before she spoke. "I’m assuming here, Mare, that you want to work this out."

Mare didn’t hesitate with her answer. "Of course I do."

"In that case we have to convince TJ that you’re not about to walk out on her and that she can trust you. And you are going to have to be stronger than ever, Mare."

"And how do we do that?" said Paula.

"Today never happened." She looked at both of them.

"What?" came two very confused voices.

"Easy. Mare walks in there tomorrow and acts like today never happened. She’ll ignore any remarks TJ makes about it. We’ll deal with what happened today when things aren’t as heated."

"I’m not sure that will work, love. You know how stubborn she can be," warned Paula.

"It wouldn’t be as if she were here at the ranch," Mare stated, "where she can’t hide from us."

Paula nodded in agreement. "She’s right, Erin. You know as well as I do that if she goes back to Atlanta she’ll lock herself away in that fortress of hers. Not even we can get in there if she doesn’t want us to."

"In that case, we need to find out how soon we can get her home," said Erin.

"I’ll phone Dad and see what he says," Mare replied, finally feeling a little more optimistic about the day.

Chapter 10

Mare walked briskly down the beige-carpeted hallway, projecting an air of determination. She had spent three hours on the phone with her father last night, figuring out some way to get TJ out of the hospital. The end result had been that TJ would be leaving the hospital today.

Paula and Erin were at this moment in the physical therapy department arranging for the delivery of a multitude of equipment that would be needed at the ranch. Sacha would be returning to the ranch with them, which Mare was eternally grateful for since she was the only physical therapist that TJ took any notice of. Sacha would be living at the ranch with them until TJ’s therapy requirements didn’t need the full time attention of a therapist.

Michael had made several strict conditions for TJ’s early release from the spinal unit. Most of what had remained of yesterday and this morning had been spent sorting out the details. This morning she had arranged for a special mattress for TJ’s bed, then had contacted the contractors who had made the previous alterations to the ranch about getting plans for a pool brought forward so that construction would begin next week.

The list of rules and regulations was a mile long. TJ was to have as strict a regime at home as she would have had at the hospital. Michael would conduct regular checkups and if TJ’s condition deteriorated in any way she would be readmitted immediately.

The tough part, Mare admitted to herself, would be getting TJ to cooperate without too much fuss. The other major condition her father had insisted on was that TJ be happy with the arrangement. Mare was hoping that the shock of what she was about to do would at least keep TJ quiet until they had got her into the private ambulance that was waiting downstairs.

Striding round the corner, Mare walked straight up to Nancy at the desk. "Hello, Mare." The nurse smiled as she noticed the less tense posture and the smile on the woman’s face as she appeared at the desk. "You’re looking much better today."

"Thanks, Nancy, I feel much better, too. How is TJ today?"

"About the same. Didn’t have such a good day yesterday--as you might expect."

"She didn’t give you any trouble, did she?" It was one of the things that had been worrying Mare yesterday evening; that TJ might take out her frustrations on the staff.

"Nope, she hardly said a word to anyone. Didn’t even give Janice a problem last night either."

And that had been another of Mare’s worries. That TJ would spiral even deeper into the depression that already had her in its grip. "She was checked on at regular intervals, right? And you’ve been to see her this morning?"

"Yes, we’ve checked on her hourly. We know her history, so we kept a close eye on her."

Mare felt a wave of relief pass through her. "Thanks. I take it that Dad has spoken to you and told you what is going on?"

"He did indeed. Spoke to me this morning, in fact. Told me all about the rules he’d set you. TJ was a little anxious this morning so I gave her a sedative to calm her down. She’ll be a little dopey when you see her." The nurse looked at Mare and winked. "I hope it all works out for you."

"So do I, Nancy, so do I," replied Mare with a rueful smile. "Well, once more unto the breach…" Mare smiled and turned toward TJ’s door, taking a deep breath before advancing.

********************

The room was chilly and it wasn’t from the air conditioning. TJ didn’t even look over as Mare stepped through the door. "Good morning," Mare said in the most cheerful voice she could muster. Stony silence was her reply. Like I expected any different? I’m amazed she hasn’t thrown anything at me. Then again it looks as though Nancy and her colleagues have moved pretty much everything out of reach. Bet that made my friend a bundle of joy to look after last night--nothing she loves more than being treated like a child.

Come on then, let's get to it before that sedative Nancy gave her starts to wear off. "Not in a talkative mood today? Well, don’t worry. You already know I can talk enough for both of us." Mare took her coat off and draped it over the chair by TJ’s bed. TJ wasn’t even looking toward her. This is going to be harder than I thought. How am I going to get her to agree to let me take her out of here, especially in front of my dad, if she’s going to pull the infamous ‘Meridian silent treatment.’ Wish I’d thought of a plan ‘B.’

"Look, I know you’re not entirely happy at the moment, but the girls and I hashed out a plan with Dad last night, to get you home today." TJ shifted on the bed and, though she was still ignoring her, Mare was pretty sure she was listening. "We have to meet certain conditions at the ranch, of course, but we’ve already started on them. The only thing standing in the way is you." Mare saw the eyebrow lift and knew she had TJ’s full attention.

"Dad has insisted that you agree to all his conditions and follow his rules to the letter. That means physical therapy at the ranch, and Sacha has agreed to stay with us until you no longer require her full-time services. When that happens, you’ll come to the hospital on a part-time basis. You’ll have to resume your sessions with Peter, and Dad, or one of his associates, will make spot checks at the ranch to make sure we are following the protocols he’s set down." Mare sat down in the chair and waited. Come on, TJ, it's up to you now.

TJ stared at the same spot on the ceiling that she had been staring at since the day she had awoken in this room. She had spent many hours trying to figure out how a perfect, circular hole could have found its way to being precisely above her bed, though it was a little fuzzy today after the pills that Nancy had given her. She heard every word that Mare said, had even felt a thrill of excitement go through her at the prospect of going home. It would have been perfect--except for one small matter. Mare wants her space; she’s already told Paula that. We moved too fast, and after the accident she knows she has gotten in over her head. She is here out of pity and a sense of duty. I’ll not let her sacrifice her happiness to stay with me. "I said I was going back to the townhouse and that’s where I’m going," mumbled TJ around the effects of the drugs.

Well, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Time to hit back hard, I guess. "Not for a few months, you're not. The girls gave Dad a plan of the setup you have there, and it is a 'no go.' Too many stairs, not enough space to set up for therapy, and…" she took a deep breath, knowing this was going to hurt her lover, "no one to look after you. The girls are staying at the ranch to run it."

I saw that one coming, didn’t I? I’ve been such a bitch about everything lately, it isn’t surprising that they are leaving, too. I’ve always known I’d end up by myself, anyway. "So I’ll buy somewhere else, hire a nurse or something," replied TJ.

Now you know why she was running a multi-million dollar company at age 20; she thinks so quickly on her feet. Hadn’t thought of that one, had you? She didn’t flinch at that last barb, almost as if she were expecting it. Let's see if this one hits the mark. Just remember you are doing this for her own good and any pain you cause now will only prevent more later. "You think it will be easy to find someone you can get on with or, more importantly, someone who can put up with you?" Mare looked away, not wanting to see the flinch, or the pain, she knew that caused. "Besides, that would still take time to set up."

"I suppose you’d get your dad to veto anything I wanted anyway," snapped TJ bitterly, finally turning her head to look at Mare.

"I could try, but I doubt it would make much of a difference. You’re his patient; your needs come before anything or anybody else’s. All it really comes down to is whether you want out of here, or not. Your choice--stay or go back to the ranch? Dad will be in to see you on his ward rounds. Think it over and let him know what you decide. There's an ambulance waiting downstairs, if you decide to go." Mare stood up and collected her coat from the back of the chair. With one last glance at her lover she walked out.

TJ squeezed her eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears she knew were forming from falling. The attempt was in vain, and water leaked from between the tightly closed lids. There was pain set deep in her chest that didn’t come from the injuries she had sustained, or from the surgery. It came from the understanding that she had lost the woman she loved most. And that if she pursued the course of action she had planned to, by returning to the townhouse, then she would also lose the friendship of Erin and Paula.

TJ wasn’t a selfish person; she didn’t hurt those around her on purpose. She knew she said things that hurt, but most times she couldn’t help herself. It seemed as though she stood back watching someone else say all the hurtful things and could do nothing to stop her.

Another nagging doubt lurked at the back of her mind as well. Mare seemed to be ignoring what happened yesterday, but TJ couldn’t. Mare had come to see her today out of some sense of duty or pity. TJ could understand that, after the accident that had landed her back in the hospital, Mare would be having second thoughts. Who wouldn’t? But she wasn’t going to let Mare sacrifice her happiness because she thought it was her duty to look after her now. She wouldn’t let the girls do that either, for that matter. Going back to the ranch would only create more work for them, when they already had enough on their plates. So what was she going to do?

Mare was sitting in the small waiting area outside TJ’s room when Erin and Paula approached with her father.

"Look who we found prowling the corridors," said Erin as she pulled a chair out for Paula.

"Hello, sweetheart," her father greeted her and bent to kiss her cheek. "These two have been causing havoc in my physical therapy department. What is it about your friends that has that department running in terror?"

"Hi, Dad. I have no idea; maybe they thought that TJ was following behind them."

"Nah, Sacha has her well and truly under control, and, speaking of TJ, have you talked with her?"

"Yeah, I have, but I don’t know what she is going to do." Or what I can do, either.

********************

"Take a seat," offered Michael, walking behind his desk and sitting down. He waited quietly while the women settled themselves and then let the silence continue for a few more ticks of the clock, tension building with each movement of the second hand.

"I have no idea what has been going on, what has been said or hasn’t been. But I will tell you this; it hasn’t helped TJ at all."

Mare cringed at her father’s angry tone. "She said no?" she asked in dismay.

Michael looked over to his daughter. "She didn’t know what she wanted. I can’t stress to you, enough, not only what this accident has done physically to TJ but also what it has done mentally. She cannot, and I mean cannot, take anymore. If I allow you to take her back to the ranch--and I’m seriously rethinking my position on that--there can be no repeat of yesterday. And I’ll also want her counselling session to recommence right away."

"You mean that you are letting us take her?" Erin leaned forward.

Michael thought for a second and then spoke. "I’m going to let you take her home, for a trial period at least. I’ve come to the opinion that staying in the hospital any longer is probably going to do more harm than good."

"Thank you, Michael. We appreciate your help," said Paula.

Mare sat quietly, relief at her father’s decision releasing the tension from her shoulders. Erin and Paula stood and prepared to leave the office.

"You coming, Mare?" Erin asked as she pulled the door open.

"I just need a few minutes with Dad. Why don’t you let Nancy know that TJ is coming with us and she can get the ambulance crew notified?"

"Okay, we’ll meet you at TJ’s room when you've finished."

"Sure." Mare smiled as the two women left the room. "So..." Mare turned back to her Dad, "are you angry with me?"

"Not in the least, honey." Michael stood and walked around his desk. "In a situation like this I have to put TJ’s well-being first. But I do understand that this isn’t easy for you either. You didn’t actually expect to have to go through this type of thing when you signed on with TJ, did you?"

Mare sat back in her chair, eyes downcast. "No, but it shouldn’t make a difference if I love her, should it, Dad?"

"I’m not questioning your love for her, darling. I’m just saying that this puts pressure on you as well and, unlike the girls, you haven’t been through this or seen TJ like this before. It was bound to stretch you somewhat. However, I have to protect TJ, and I really need you to hold back from putting any more pressure on her. That doesn’t mean you let her get away with blue murder, it just means you have to be careful in what you discuss with her. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay, Dad, I hear you."

"Good. Remember, you can always pick up the phone and yell at me, instead of TJ, if you need to. I suspect, though, that when she starts her counseling sessions again most of the anger she feels will be worked through or redirected. Come on, I’ll walk you back to her room."

Chapter 11

The day after coming home, TJ had bullied Paula and Erin into taking her out to the barn to see Flag. As soon as TJ's chair came through the barn doors, the golden palomino whinnied and tossed her head about until TJ reached her stall. Flag dropped her head to TJ and long arms engulfed her neck in an eager hug as TJ whispered her affection through a throat tight with emotion.

When she had calmed herself, TJ's lips quirked as she recognized the blanket hanging along the side of Flag's stall. I have to admit that Mare's been paying proper attention to Flag, even if our relationship is in tatters. Satisfied with Flag's condition, but brooding over her own, TJ allowed her two friends to take her back into the ranch house. TJ wheeled into the office, barked that she didn't want to be disturbed and slammed the office door. Erin and Paula looked at each other and shrugged, then went about their business, happy to stay away from the boss during her moody periods.

A couple of mornings later, the sun hadn't yet risen to start the day and TJ lay in her bed, listening intently. Each morning since arriving home, she had heard a horse come to the barn and stop. After a short time, another horse rode away from the barn, then returned about an hour later. Then, after another short interval, a horse rode away again. At first, TJ's emotions were in such turmoil that she didn't take notice of the unusual activity. But today she noticed it and questioned it.

I could swear that second horse is Flag. If it is, then someone's riding her without my permission. What's going on? How could anyone dare to let that happen? Let me check out the window. TJ pulled her chair closer to the bed, pushed its nearer arm up and reached for the overhead handle. That's not going to work. Grimacing at the pain threatening to assail her when she raised her arms, she wiped her hand across the bead of sweat forming on her upper lip.

Frustration at her helplessness triggered her stubborn streak and made her determined to get into the chair. She waited for the pain to recede, then reached across the seat with her left hand and grabbed the armrest. As she pulled herself slowly forward over the seat, she put her right forearm and elbow on the seat and turned her moving body toward the right side. Then she raised her elbow and jockeyed her right hand under her, on the seat, pushing with it as she pulled with her left against the armrest. Her trunk came up and swung around as her rear end landed on the seat.

TJ sat for a moment, breathing heavily but smiling at this little victory. She wheeled her chair over to her bedroom window and tried to see what was going on. Apparently the rider took off in the opposite direction, because no one came past her side of the house. Damn! After all that trouble. I'll get to the bottom of this at breakfast, TJ vowed. She wheeled from the window and eyed the bed. At least there's one bright thing--getting outta the chair should be a lot easier than getting into it… I hope.

********************

Because TJ would need assistance for a while with some of her activities, Erin or Paula came in each morning and helped with her morning rituals of bathing and dressing. Her exercises were scheduled for after breakfast and were overseen by Sacha, a firm taskmaster.

Erin helped TJ this morning, then accompanied her to the kitchen for breakfast. Mare and Sacha were already seated and Paula had just added places for her partner and TJ. With a minimum of conversation, the women ate quickly and quietly until breakfast was over. Then TJ pushed her dishes away and leaned forward, placing both arms on the table. She spoke very softly, bringing each pair of eyes swerving swiftly to her own. "Who's been riding Flag every morning?"

Uh oh, there's that soft, but dangerous, tone. Erin swallowed hard before throwing her voice into the dead silence. "He's a new fellow named Tom."

TJ asked even more softly, "And just why is one of the hands riding Flag?"

"Because I asked him to," answered Mare with a tilt of her chin. TJ's eyes bored into hers. The ferocious look on TJ's face made the vet's breath catch but she struggled on. "Flag wasn't eating properly even with the blankets near her. She had improved a little bit, but not enough, and she was still fitful and skittish. Tom asked if he could ride her to soothe her and try to rid her of some of that skittishness."

TJ started drumming her fingers on the table, as Mare persevered. "We all thought it would be a good idea and I told Tom to give it a try. Flag took a shine to him right away. She started to calm down and began eating right after the first time he rode her; and she's been eating well since," Mare stated flatly.

A sneer lifted one corner of TJ's upper lip. "And who gave you the right to make that decision?" she challenged.

Erin and Paula sat rigidly, transfixed, their eyes moving from TJ to Mare as each spoke. Sacha seemed less concerned, but she watched the wrangling with interest.

Mare knew that Erin had been involved in the decision, but she saw no reason to bring another person into TJ's range of fire. She did not back down one iota and her voice hardened. "I'm the vet for this ranch and Flag was sick. I took it on myself to make that decision."

TJ's words stung like a whip. "That could be subject to change."

Mare stood up so fast, her chair toppled over. The bang as it hit the floor made everyone jump. "We all know you are the one in charge here, TJ. You don't have to shove it down our throats by doing something so damned childish." So Dad didn't want TJ upset, huh? There's an impossible task. Mare stalked to the door and flung it open, then turned to face TJ's stone-hard countenance. "But if that's your choice, just leave it in writing--as the contract states--in my office." Mare turned back and went through the door, slamming it behind her.

Erin and Paula looked at each other in alarm, and then turned their heads toward TJ. Erin nervously cleared her throat and asked, "Do you want me to draw up a letter canceling Mare's contract, TJ?"

TJ slumped back in her chair. "No." Pain swept across TJ's face as she recalled that Mare herself might decide to leave her, but the cold look was back in place when she addressed Erin. "I want to meet this man."

Erin winced as she answered, "He's not a man, TJ, so please don't be too tough on him. He's just a boy."

"What?" TJ sputtered and leaned forward again. "You let a boy ride my Flag? My favorite? She's irreplaceable!"

"Take it easy, TJ," Paula interrupted. "The kid's a great rider. You can tell in two seconds that he was born to the saddle."

"I'll see if he was born to the saddle and whether he will continue to ride Flag." TJ's cold look was becoming stormy. "Have him come by the house and I'll check him out."

Sacha stood up, looked at her watch and calmly announced, "You can settle this later, TJ; it's time for your therapy." TJ's mind was so unsettled by the news about Flag's rider that she didn't even protest when Sacha walked behind the chair, grabbed the handles and pushed her toward the gym. As she left, TJ could be heard muttering, "I can't believe they let some kid ride Flag."

Erin looked at Paula and both of them blew a breath of relief from their mouths. "What do you think?" asked Erin. The two women rose and cleared the table as they spoke.

"I think we might be okay," Paula replied. "I ran into Tom at the grocery store yesterday and I hardly recognized him. He's starting to grow a beard--actually a pretty heavy one for a kid--and wearing reflective wraparound sunglasses. I guess it must have dawned on him that his eyes might give him away. I can't say how TJ's going to treat him, but she sure as heck shouldn't suspect he's a relative."

Erin nodded. "Good. Tom will still be exercising Flag every morning unless TJ stops him, but I asked Bill to switch him away from stable duty for a while, just in case."

Paula put an arm around Erin's shoulders and squeezed. "That was good thinking, sweetheart. TJ has her counseling session this afternoon, so why don't you ask Bill to send Tom over sometime tomorrow? And we can try to be available, too. The kid might need some moral support."

Erin slipped an arm around her lover's waist and leaned into her. "I'll do that. Now I guess we better get to work." The women kissed good-bye and went about their duties.

********************

"Hey, Tom!" Bill Jacobs hollered as he saw Tom walking toward the cookhouse, his assigned job for the day. The young man stopped and waited until the foreman caught up to him. "Miss Meridian wants to see you tomorrow right after lunch, around one o'clock."

A chance to meet TJ! Tom's heart began to pound so hard, he wondered if Bill could hear it. "Did she say what she wanted?"

"No, I just got a message for you to be there. Maybe she doesn't like your sunglasses." Bill grinned at the boy. He was the only hand who wore sunglasses and the others teased him about Easterners being wimps. But he took it in stride; he seemed like a pretty nice kid and he was a hard worker, often jumping in to help without being asked.

"Right!" Tom laughed. "I don't wear them when I'm riding Flag; it's still dark out." Even if she did see me, she wouldn't see my eyes clearly.

When Tom had applied for the job at Meridian ranch and sat in the living room, waiting to speak with Miss Tanner, he saw a striking photo of his sister adorning a wall shelf. From magazine pictures, he already knew that their eyes were very similar, but this photo told him that their eyes were practically identical. Thus he adopted the reflecting sunglasses.

Bill chuckled. "You just be sure to be there, okay?"

"No problem, Bill. I'll be there." Bill waved and walked away as Tom entered the cookhouse. Tom had trouble keeping his mind on his chores. All he could think about was his meeting with his sister. He remembered Doc Gillespie's warning: "Miss Meridian might be annoyed that someone else is riding Flag when she isn't able to. So you might run the risk of taking the brunt of her anger."

But even that possibility didn't dampen his joy. At last he would meet his sister face to face on even terms. She doesn't know who I am so there won't be any hard feelings messing us up. I'll get to meet the real TJ Meridian.

********************

Hearing a car, Erin looked out the window and saw the psychologist, Peter Tauper, arriving for TJ's first counseling session since the accident. Because TJ's back wasn't healed enough yet for a ride in a car, arrangements had been made for her to continue her counseling sessions at home. Erin let the psychologist in. She quickly filled him in on the morning's happenings, and TJ's reluctance to have the session, then showed him to TJ's office.

TJ, sitting behind her desk, nodded to Peter as Erin announced him.

"Hello, TJ." He walked over and, reaching across the desk, shook her hand. Of medium height and weight, Peter wore a beard and mustache slightly darker than his light-brown hair. A little disconcertingly, eyes of two different colors--one blue, one brown--looked through small, wire-frame glasses.

"I expected you to be in bed. You just got home from the hospital, didn't you?" Peter sat in one of the chairs pulled up in front of the huge desk and laid his briefcase across his knees. He also had half-expected Mare to be here, though Erin's recounting of the morning's events explained her absence.

"They put me in a brace that supports my back." TJ knocked her knuckles against the turtle shell brace she wore under her clothing. "As long as I can sit up, that's what I'd rather do."

"Independent as ever, I see," Peter remarked, and got a small snort for an answer. He closely observed TJ, noticing her pale skin tone, stormy eyes and the pencil being flipped by her agitated fingers. I guess it's only natural that she should look pale, but I don't like the eyes or the agitation. When I consulted Dr. Gillis, he expressly wanted TJ to be kept calm.

He felt TJ's eyes on him as he snapped his briefcase open and withdrew a tape recorder, which he laid on the desk. Closing the briefcase, he set it on the floor then looked at her.

"Why don't you come around here and sit near me, TJ? I think it's easier to talk in a friendly atmosphere rather than a businesslike one." Peter remembered this advice from Mare. After their first meeting, she had phoned him and given him a few pointers about making TJ more comfortable at her sessions. Once he saw the influence the young woman had on his patient, Mare's input had been welcomed.

"I'd rather stay here," TJ answered abruptly.

"Okay, that's no problem." Peter got up, lifted the chair that was nearest to TJ and moved it behind the desk. He set it near the raven-haired woman, then reached across, turned on the tape recorder and sat down. His eyes met rather startled blue ones that slowly warmed and showed a flicker of respect.

"Would you like to talk about what is upsetting you right now?" Peter asked gently.

TJ fidgeted for a moment. She still found it difficult to talk about her emotions, and the first few minutes were the worst.

"Mare and I were… I kind of pushed her away. I… didn't want to have a session without her here but I… wasn't willing to ask her to stay with me." TJ shrugged. "So, I wanted to cancel this appointment."

It hadn't been quite that simple. Paula, Erin and Sacha had ganged up on her about how she shouldn't miss a counseling session. Usually they could prevail upon TJ to do what she knew was right, but this morning had been different. In spite of the fact that they were barely speaking, TJ had wanted Mare to be present at the session. But she wasn't sure how to broach the subject. She hoped to find a way to ask her at breakfast, then nothing had gone as planned. First TJ had discovered someone was riding Flag. Then, after TJ's angry remark about ending her contract as the ranch's vet, Mare had slammed out of the house.

Remorseful at having threatened Mare, yet angry at Mare's making the decision about someone riding Flag, TJ adamantly refused to have a counseling session. Silencing the women by screaming, "I am the boss here! I will not be pushed around!" she stormed into her office and hurled the door shut.

Moments later, Sacha opened the door without knocking and walked into the lion's den. At least that's what Erin and Paula had called it when they warned her that TJ might throw something at her that was more substantial than words. Sure enough, Sacha had to duck the pencil caddy that hit the door and splattered its contents on the floor. Without a word, the therapist bent down and methodically picked up every article, keeping an eye on TJ's movements, just in case.

But nothing more was forthcoming. Throwing the caddy seemed to relieve some of her frustration, though her eyes remained turbulent.

Sacha walked to the desk with the rescued caddy and, rather than set it back down, she offered it to TJ, patiently waiting to see if she would reach for it. A reluctant hand finally grabbed the caddy and slapped it onto the desktop. "Put the damn thing down," TJ growled, already berating herself for having thrown it.

Sacha kept eye contact with TJ as she placed her hands on the desk and assumed a no-nonsense attitude. "If you want to have sensible control of your life, TJ, then you have to learn to handle your emotions--and sometimes you have to make some difficult decisions." she leaned in a little more toward TJ and frowned. "Do you want to go up the hard road that leads forward? Or do you want to go down the easy one that goes backward?"

TJ's struggle showed in her face. She knew that Sacha spoke the truth and she fought to calm herself. Leaning her elbows on the desk, she covered her face with her hands. Her muffled voice answered wearily, "You know which one I want."

Sacha walked behind the desk and put her hand on TJ's shoulder. "Don't you think your counseling session will help you go forward?" Sacha knew her patient well enough to let her make the decision. When TJ felt she had some control over what she needed to do, she was a lot easier to persuade.

"But I wanted Mare to be here with me for it," TJ muttered. She pushed her head further into her hands, splaying her fingers into her hair. Instead, I've pushed her further away. I'm too damn confused to know what I want.

Sacha moved behind TJ and began to massage the tightness in her neck and shoulders. "That's not going to happen, today, but you're a big girl now, you can handle it. And maybe Peter can help you resolve some of your anger and give you and Mare a better chance of getting back together."

"Maybe." Sacha felt TJ's muscles start to relax as this idea sank in.

She ended her massage and TJ straightened back up, winding her head into a circle. "Thanks, Sacha, that feels a lot better."

As Sacha moved back alongside the chair, TJ met the therapist's inquiring gaze. Knowing Sacha wouldn't give up until she got the answer she wanted, TJ threw up her hands. "Okay, I'll see Peter this afternoon. You win." Darn woman's as relentless as I am.

"Right decision, TJ," Sacha encouraged her. Then she patted TJ's cheek. "You're the one who wins."

Peter leaned back in his chair and relaxed. "I'm glad you didn't cancel our appointment."

"You can thank Sacha for that. She talked me out of it." Talked me out of it? She barely said 50 words. How does she do that?

"Maybe we can talk about what happened between you and Mare this morning?"

TJ rubbed her neck. "I… ah… I guess this sounds pretty dumb, but I got upset when I found out somebody else was riding my horse."

"Why do you suppose that you got upset?"

TJ hesitated, then continued. "Why should someone else be allowed to ride Flag. She's my horse."

"Why is someone else riding her?"

"Because Mare said he could. He's just a kid, too. How do I know he'll take good care of her?" TJ started to feel angry all over again. "And Paula and Erin thought it was okay, too." She tapped the pencil against the desktop.

"Why did Mare let him ride Flag?"

"Because Flag was homesick for me and wasn't eating right. Seems like when this kid rode her she began to eat better." Now the pencil was being twisted in her hands.

"Wasn't that good for Flag?"

TJ snorted a breath of frustration. "Of course it was. I'm mostly angry that they said he could ride her without asking me first. What do you want me to say?" she demanded, fixing Peter with a stare. She suddenly felt exhausted.

Peter's expression never changed. "It doesn't matter what I want you to say, TJ. I'm just trying to help you learn to cope with how you feel about different things in your life. Since you say you are angry about it, how do you think you can handle that?"

"It doesn't really matter, does it? I already yelled at everyone and threatened to fire Mare. I can't take back what I said." TJ shook her head. Just handing out my usual dose of daily misery.

Suddenly she yawned, simultaneously realizing that her back pain was returning with a vengeance. "I'll try to sort my mind out about this, Peter, but right now I'm too tired and sore to even care." She unconsciously emphasized the point by placing the pencil back in the caddy.

Peter looked guiltily at his watch. He chided himself for not remembering that TJ didn't have her usual stamina yet. "TJ, we'll address this again in our next session. I'll have Mrs. Haddon call you to set up an appointment." He had the uncomfortable feeling that he hadn't helped TJ much this time. But maybe she will think more deeply about what happened, which is good.

TJ pushed a button beneath her chair arm and Erin came in to show Peter out. Noticing that TJ looked very tired, she let Peter out then returned to the office. "Are you feeling okay, TJ?"

Erin's heart sagged at the forlorn look in TJ's eyes. ""I'm going to take a nap, Erin. Come help me out of the chair, okay?" TJ wheeled toward the hall doorway.

"Sure, TJ," Erin said as she walked next to the chair and put her hand on TJ's shoulder. "You know I'll help you anytime you want me to."

TJ patted Erin's hand. "You're too good to me, kiddo," she sighed.

********************

The next morning, Tom arose as usual and rode to the barn. After saddling Flag, he rode out, left the corral and turned to the right-hand trail. A sharp whistle sounded and Flag reared, whinnied and tried to change direction. Tom fought for control until another whistle came and Flag reared again. This time Tom let the palomino have her head and she raced across the back of the ranch house and trotted up to a window that was lit from within. A form silhouetted against the open window came into focus as Flag neared.

The palomino stopped just beyond some shrubbery. "Bring her closer," a woman's low voice commanded.

"There are shrubs here, ma'am," Tom explained. It's TJ!

"The hell with the shrubs, I said bring her closer!" TJ demanded in a voice that brooked no argument.

Tom clucked and Flag's hooves flattened the shrubs as she poked her head into the window and bumped her nose against TJ. The dark-haired woman chuckled and kissed the golden head while her fingers scratched Flag's forelock. "Good girl, Flag," she murmured.

Tom's heart was so full he thought it would burst. He wished he could get a clearer view of TJ, but the light behind her kept her face shadowed.

TJ couldn't see him clearly, either. As Flag had approached, she could tell the rider was tall, but that was the extent of what she could see. She pulled her head back away from Flag and her voice hardened. "What are you doing on my horse?"

Tom tugged on the brim of his hat. "Miss Meridian, I'm Tom Russell. Your horse missed you and she wasn't eating. I thought maybe if I could ride her for a while, it would help take her mind off of you and she would start to eat again."

TJ snorted, but Tom continued. "You're right to snort, ma'am. The only way I could get Flag to leave the barn was to bring one of your blankets with me." Tom showed her by lifting the edge of a blanket he had laid across the top of the saddle. "The combination of the blankets and my riding her has worked." He patted Flag's shoulder. "She's been eating well ever since and is in great shape."

TJ's head cocked and she asked sharply, "Who are you?"

Tom took a deep breath and answered firmly, "Miss Meridian, I'm just a guy who loves Flag, same as you do. And I sure wish you were the one riding her instead of me."

TJ's head lowered for a few seconds and she took in a breath that sounded almost like a gasp. Who would think that a 16-year-old kid would be intuitive enough to recognize that I'm jealous of him? Hell, he just made me recognize it myself.

Then her head snapped back up. "Haven't we met before? You seem familiar to me."

He paused, then responded in a lower voice, "No, ma'am, we've never met. I wouldn't have forgotten you."

Something in the timbre of Tom's voice intensified the feeling of familiarity, muddling TJ's thoughts. I know we must have met before. Is he lying to me? "Finish your ride," she ordered impatiently, shooing him away with her hand. "I'll see you this afternoon."

Tom touched the brim of his hat again. "Ma'am," he answered, then pulled Flag away and rode off.

TJ's eyes followed Flag's retreat while she could still see them. He does ride like he's born to it. Then another pang of jealousy struck her. But that doesn't mean he should be riding my Flag. We'll get this straightened out this afternoon.

Chapter 12

Throughout that morning, thoughts of Tom and Flag alternated through TJ's mind with thoughts of Mare's part in the arrangement. Now she was in the kitchen awaiting Tom's arrival and the thoughts still occupied her. She tried to divorce herself from her constant pain and face the situation honestly. I am concerned about some kid riding Flag. Even if he did a good job, I don't like that someone else rode Flag while I couldn't. But, let's face it, part of that is jealousy.

But what about Mare? She did have Flag's best interests at heart, but why did she make the decision herself without consulting me? Am I jealous about this, too? No, she made a decision that I was capable of making but she never asked me. That seems too much like trying to take over my life and I had enough of that with my father. We're going to have to get this straightened out. Then TJ felt a tugging on her heart and she grimaced. If we ever talk again.

A movement outside caught her eye and she watched as Tom rode up and dismounted, tying his mount to a corral post. He pulled off his hat, dropped it over the saddle horn and ran long fingers through his heavy hair. After settling his sunglasses firmly on his face, he straightened his shoulders and proceeded to the house.

TJ wheeled to the door and let him in then led him to the kitchen table and invited him to sit. The table legs had been fitted with lifts so that TJ's chair slipped beneath the tabletop and she jockeyed it into place across from Tom. A pad and pencil lay in front of her and a pitcher of iced tea, two tumblers and some napkins sat nearby.

Neither spoke as TJ filled both tumblers and slid one across to Tom, who nodded his thanks and took a long drink. TJ sipped at hers while training her eyes on Tom. Tom examined her just as intently and finally couldn't discourage the beginnings of a tiny smile from whispering around the edges of his lips. Wow! She sure is gorgeous. She looks a lot like Dad; even has that same 'don't mess with me' edge he always had when he felt he needed it. And those eyes… even more powerful than Dad's. They just reach out and take you prisoner.

TJ studied the youngster across from her. Hard to think of him as a kid; with that beard he looks pretty mature. And seems to have plenty of poise; I'll give him that. Or else he's not much of a talker.

She picked up the pencil and started twirling it through her fingers. "So… Tom. I looked you up in our personnel files and there isn't much there. Says you come from Pennsylvania, you've completed high school and you've been riding horses since you were two years old. There's not even a Social Security number for you. Care to explain?"

She even has a gorgeous voice. Actually, TJ could have had three eyes and a voice like a banshee and Tom would still have been enthralled. He had spent years imagining what it would be like to know his sister and here he was in her presence. He could hardly absorb his good fortune.

"I forgot my Social Security number and have to write to my mother to get it. I haven't gotten around to doing that yet."

"Your mother doesn't have a phone?" TJ asked incredulously.

Tom started to drum his fingers then caught himself and clasped his hands together, intertwining his fingers. "Actually, she does, but… " He cleared his throat, "She's on vacation right now and I haven't been able to get in touch with her." Please accept this excuse, TJ. I really don't want to tell you more lies.

TJ stuck the pencil's eraser between her teeth, nibbled it for a moment then pulled it away. "Does your mother know you're here?"

The dark head lowered. "No."

"And you don't want her to know?"

"No." The head came back up. "I mean yes, I don't want her to know. She wants to send me away to college and I'm not ready for that yet. I want to live a little first." Tom scooted his chair in tight against the table as his voice deepened and became impassioned. "I've been in boarding schools all my life. I don't even know what the real world is like and I want a chance to find out before I get cooped up again. I've never had a chance to decide anything for myself. I figure I need to learn to make little decisions before I'm faced with making big ones that will determine the course of my life. Mother didn't agree with that, so as soon as she left for her vacation, I left home… and wound up here... and fell in love with your horse."

He took a deep breath and unconsciously clasped his hands more tightly. "I'm hoping you will let me stay."

Tom tensed and his breathing became very shallow. He stared at TJ as she considered what he had told her. Her face was an unreadable mask as she dropped her eyes to her hands, seeming to watch closely as her fingers played with the pencil she held.

Well, Tom, you said two things I find very compelling. First, you've never had a chance to make decisions for yourself. Boy, when I think of how I grew up, can I relate to that! And second, you said you fell in love with my horse. You didn't say Flag… somehow your intuition told you exactly the right way to let me know that you are not making an emotional claim on my favorite. And I needed to know that. Now I know who you remind me of.

TJ's head lifted, then her eyes came up and Tom stopped breathing altogether. She pursed her lips, nodded several times, and then said softly, "I want you to get in touch with your mother as soon as you can, but… you can stay."

A long hiss sounded as Tom sucked in oxygen to fill his starved lungs. Then he let it out with a quick rush of air. "Thanks, Miss Meridian. I'll work hard for you. And I'll take great care of Flag." He hesitated for a moment, realizing that the riding issue hadn't been settled, and then ventured, "If you'll let me, that is."

"Well, Flag does seem to be used to you," TJ said. Now that the final decision was up to her, the idea of Tom riding Flag didn't bother her as much. Guess I mostly resented someone else making that decision for me.

"That might be because of the blankets," Tom admitted.

"Whatever… it seems to be working. I'll let you keep riding her… until I'm able to." Tom heard the wistful note that crept into TJ's voice.

"I know you have to be missing her just like she's been missing you, Miss Meridian. I know I would. I sure hope you can ride her soon." Even if I can't ride Flag then, just being near you will be enough for me. And someday, when we know each other better, I'll tell you I'm your brother.

TJ's lips twisted as the sincerity of the young man's words threatened to overwhelm her. "Yeah," she whispered, then swallowed and tried again. "Let's go outside and see her," she suggested in a stronger voice.

"Right!" Tom agreed enthusiastically. He jumped up and held the door open as TJ wheeled through. As he followed his sister outside to the barn, he felt like he would burst with joy. What a great day!

********************

Driving slowly through the cemetery entrance, Mare regretted that the truck's motor diminished the tranquility. A wrought iron fence enclosed twenty manicured acres, about half-occupied by burial plots. Several of the low, rolling hills displayed neatly aligned monoliths, memorials to the soul's emergence from life's incarnate cocoon. Picturesquely speckling the landscape, ancient, vine-covered trees lent an air of stability and peace.

Mare parked in her usual spot along the road, at the base of the slight rise on which her mother's grave rested. Before climbing out, the vet reached across to the passenger seat and picked up her tote bag and a spray of wildflowers. She would lay the bouquet on the grave, complementing the multicolored petunias that still bloomed at the base of the granite monument.

Ascending the slight rise, Mare took a deep breath, inhaling the light scent of flowers, mown grass and turned earth. Cemeteries have a look and feel, and even a smell, all their own. The hump of the rise leveled out and Mare crossed beneath the hovering limbs of the guardian tree. She stopped and sank to the ground next to her mother's grave, placing the flowers on it in a neat fan.

Pulling her tote bag closer, she removed the grass shears, a knife and a whiskbroom and proceeded to clean around the edges of the granite monument, brushing the stone off, too, when she finished. Then she evened out the spots missed by the mowers, until the grave was clean and neat.

When she was done, she sat quietly for a moment, bringing her mother to the forefront of her mind. In life, Mare's mother had often shared her shrewd insights into human nature and Mare frequently used her visits to the gravesite to dredge up her mother's teachings from her memory.

Recognizing that the strength of TJ's personality colored almost her whole world, Mare wanted to share that with her mother. She looked forward to receiving some guidance in her quest to provide support for TJ. She knew they both needed to learn to deal with her partner's physical and emotional challenges, or they could be overwhelmed by them.

As usual, Mare brushed her fingers in greeting across the chiseled letters of the polished, gray monument. Jane Arnold Gillespie. Hi, Mom.

Sorry I missed some visits with you, Mom, but I'm sure you understand. I felt like I was in a rat race there for a while: changing my residence, trying to get Barry started on his part of the practice, taking care of my end of it, and traveling to Springerly to see TJ. If you could hear my thoughts then, they must have been pretty jumbled!

Barry's doing really well, which is a blessing. Everyone is crazy about him. I wish you could see his little boy. He's a roly-poly whirlwind and Berta is the perfect mother for him. She never bats an eye, just keeps doing whatever needs doing.

Jess is still away. Seems he picked up some extra new business in the same area, so he decided to stay awhile and get that off the ground. I'll get the full report when he gets back and fill you in on it.

But here's the tough part, Mom, where I really need your help. We've brought TJ home. She's having a pretty rough time with pain, which we all pretty well expected. When she feels good, she is a loving, caring woman with a proud, but generous, nature. But when she feels miserable, she seems to want everyone to feel miserable with her--the old misery loves company syndrome, I guess. It's tough to see TJ giving Erin and Paula such a hard time but it's kinda sweet to watch them stick up for each other. I'm hoping it pulls them closer together instead of pushing them apart.

The problem is, I'm not sure how to handle it when TJ gets that miserable. She's really upset with me right now. She said she wanted to leave me, but I really think she's afraid I'll leave her. I know, Erin says it's not her talking, it's the pain. But what can I do to help her deal with the pain and stop making everybody else miserable, too?

Mare looked within and waited for an answer.

Talk to her? I have talked to her, a hundred times; we all have and it hasn't done much good. What's that? You're saying talk with her, not at her? Mare considered that suggestion as it floated into her mind. You're right, we have talked at her, mostly in angry voices, too. I tell myself that I'm trying to understand her, but I've never experienced what she's going through. Another suggestion entered Mare's thoughts and she smiled gently. Yeah, that might help. I'll give it a try, a little further down the road.

The good news, Mom, is that TJ's continuing with her counseling, trying to clean up the garbage left from her past. She's making a hard effort to overcome it and I hope to help her. If love can do it, we'll get it done. Maybe, someday, I'll even get her to come into my office. Remember, I chose the room where her father used to beat her? But I don't expect her to come into it anytime soon.

Mare paused as her mother's guidance seemed very near again. I didn't choose her father's office to weaken her control, but it probably still looks that way to her. Especially when I half threatened her in order to get to use it. Mare sighed. Yeah, that gives her double reason to avoid the place. What a nitwit I can be! But I'll work on it.

Well, Mom, TJ and I have gotten pretty angry with each other a few times, but our love has never quit. How I wish you two could have known each other! TJ's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I will always be grateful that she came into my life, and loves me, too. Mare closed her eyes and hugged herself while a soft smile played around her lips. And if I have anything to say about it, we'll be back together again soon. Where we both belong.

Yearning for TJ engulfed her and Mare stood and brushed pieces of grass from her jeans. Say a prayer for her once in awhile, will you, Mom? And for me. We can both use the help. Thanks, Mom.

Mare kissed her fingers and touched them to the stone. Walking back down the rise, she headed home, both comforted and enlightened.

********************

Mare looked longingly out of the window to the bright sunshine of the day, then back down at the mountains of paperwork that had built and been neglected over the last few days. She sighed and pulled the next stack toward her.

Bringing TJ back to the ranch was supposed to have made life easier and solved all their problems, but that had not been the case. There had been the initial problem with the organization of the therapy equipment. As a result, the contractors had been brought back to reorganize the gym to Sacha’s standards, disrupting the entire household until they were finished. Tired of the turmoil, TJ had insisted that building the pool be postponed until a later date.

And after just over two months away from home, TJ had problems adjusting to life back at the ranch. Although she was to some extent able to fend for herself, she still needed help to get in and out of her chair and assistance with several other everyday activities that she had been able to do for herself previously. She was still in some pain and her therapy was going slowly. The depression that had settled on her in the hospital hadn’t lifted with her return to the ranch. And of course she was still hardly talking to Mare. Which meant a very lonely vet spent her nights in her own suite.

Mare could understand TJ’s reaction to her missing the therapy session at the hospital, especially after hearing Paula's admission of what she had said to TJ several days before. Still, enough time had passed since then that TJ should be realizing that she wasn’t about to up and leave her. Yes, she knew that she would have to work to regain the trust she had lost, but how could she do that if they weren’t talking to each other? A light tapping on the door roused her from her morbid thoughts.

"Come in!" she called, pushing the paperwork away from her.

Sacha’s head poked around the door. "You busy?"

"Yes," groaned Mare. "But, please, interrupt me."

"That bad, huh?" Sacha closed the door behind her and sat across from Mare.

"Worse," said Mare as she relaxed back into her high-backed, leather chair. "I hate paperwork and that’s all I’m doing at the moment. Is TJ okay?"

"Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about." Sacha pushed on despite the lowering of Mare’s head. "I know that you two aren’t exactly hitting it off at the moment. But I want you to know that she still needs you, despite the problems you guys have."

"Really? I was beginning to wonder whether she even knew I still existed."

"Oh, she does, believe me. She is always looking for you when we’re in session, and she is always disappointed when you don’t appear."

"She told me she didn’t want me there!" exclaimed Mare.

Sacha laughed. "I know she did, but that was pride and bravado speaking. You know TJ well enough now to know that when it comes to emotional issues she does the exact opposite of what she needs."

"You mean she’s pushing me away on purpose?"

"Essentially, yes. Ask Erin and Paula; she’s done it before. She needs to know you still love her and need her."

"But I’ve told her that, I don’t know how many times."

"I know that, Mare, and so does she. But she’s extremely insecure at the moment. Telling her and showing her are two different matters. You're both depressed. Everybody is on tenterhooks and the only way to get the atmosphere compatible with living here is to get you two back together, or at least on speaking terms. So TJ’s therapy is at ten o'clock tomorrow morning. I expect you to be there to give me a hand. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," agreed Mare. "But TJ might not like it."

"TJ will be ecstatic. She just won’t let you know about it. Besides I’m going to have the same little chat with her shortly." Sacha smiled as she stood up.

"Well, when I hear your death throes, I’ll know you’ve done your best," replied Mare.

"Ah, TJ’s a pussycat... a large and potentially lethal one, naturally, but I have her wrapped around my little finger. See you later."

"Yeah, I’ll see you later."

Chapter 13

That evening, Sacha, Erin and Paula went into town. TJ and Mare had been invited, but both, buried under mountains of paperwork, had declined. Sacha was secretly pleased by the absence of the two women. Hopefully, their being left to their own devices would mean they’d have to communicate; especially TJ, who’d been a little more resistant than Mare to Sacha’s plan of therapy interaction. And the girls could do with a break from all the tension that muddled the air at the ranch. Erin and Paula were the ones taking the brunt of the hostilities between Mare and TJ.

It was around eight o’clock when Mare finally finished going over the last invoice of the day. She shut up her office and wandered toward the kitchen, seeing the glow of light beneath the door of TJ’s office. Looks like TJ’s burning the midnight oil as well. Entering the kitchen, she immediately noticed the two covered plates on the island and the note that lay with them. The note was from Paula, telling her to ‘nuke’ the plates for 10 minutes before eating.

Mare smiled at the thought behind the gesture. No matter how many times she told them not to, the girls insisted on looking after her in much the same way as they did TJ. Occasionally, when she put her foot down, she was allowed to cook and even clean. But as the economic revival of the area took hold, the workload from the practice built and made those instances few and far between. The vet would have been overwhelmed had Barry not been on the scene.

Mare switched on the coffee maker, knowing that the girls had been gone for a while and that it was unlikely that TJ had had a hot drink since they left. For the past couple of nights there had been a chill in the air and whereas she would settle for a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows, TJ, who had been shut in her office all afternoon, would want the comforting fragrance and stimulating kick that coffee would provide.

Another glance at her watch confirmed that it was way past the time that TJ normally ate, and she knew it was pretty important that TJ stick to her routine. A wry grin crossed Mare’s face. She could see Sacha’s devious workings in this little night out. When the coffee barely finished dripping, she carried a mug of the brew out of the kitchen and down the hall to TJ’s office. Mare knocked gently on the door and entered at TJ’s beckoning call.

"Hey," said Mare as she entered, "thought you might like some coffee." She put the mug down on the desk.

TJ looked up, nervousness making her hesitate. "Thank you." She was unable to stop the smile that crept to her face.

"You're welcome. You about finished up? Paula has left us food to be nuked. I’ll put it in to be warmed if you’re ready for it."

"That sounds like a plan." TJ sat back with her coffee, taking a sip. "And this is good. Thanks again."

Mare smiled back. "You’ve got five minutes to wrap up. Would you like to eat in the living room or the kitchen?"

"Living room, if you don’t mind," was TJ’s immediate response. "I’ve been in this chair all day. I’d like to get out of it for a while."

"No problem. Five minutes." Mare smiled then left the office, a warm glow of joy heating her chest. That had been the most civil talk they had had in days.

The meal had been eaten quietly. Mare had helped TJ onto the couch and they had switched the television onto the Discovery Channel. Shark week was on. Mare thought she felt TJ's eyes on her but whenever she glanced over at her, TJ was concentrating on the show.

When they had finished their food, Mare took the plates into the kitchen and washed them out by hand. Well we sure aren't making much progress yet. Mare sighed, set the dishes in the drainer and returned to sit on the couch.

TJ shifted uncomfortably several times. "You okay?" Mare inquired.

"I’m a little sore. Think I’ve been sitting for too long today," replied TJ, twisting her lips.

"You want to go to bed?"

"Nah, it’s a little early for that. I’d just lie awake for hours." Thinking about you.

"What about if you lay on the couch, would that help?"

"Maybe. I’d need something to support my back though," said TJ, looking over to Mare.

"I’m sure that could be arranged." Mare swung her legs onto the couch. "Come on, you can use me as a back rest." She patted the space between her legs. The raw yearning suddenly visible in the blue eyes that were locked on hers destroyed any doubts Mare may have harbored. She opened her arms and beckoned. "Please."

"You sure?" TJ asked hesitantly.

"I've never been surer of anything in my life, TJ. This time away from you has been hell on earth." The emotionally charged words lit an ember of hope in the blue depths. Mare's face lit up in response and when her warm smile burst forth, TJ felt a chunk of ice melt from around her heart.

She used her powerful arms to pull herself along the couch to Mare and the vet helped her pull her legs up to make herself comfortable. TJ leaned back against Mare's body and as the vet's arms enclosed her, they sighed simultaneously, loosening chuckles from them both.

Mare's eyes drank in the strong profile resting next to her. "I'm really sorry for the dumb things I've said and done that have hurt you, TJ. I want us to go back to where we were."

"Me, too, Mare," TJ murmured. Her raven head turned and she looked deeply into Mare's green gaze for several breathtaking moments. The tip of her tongue darted out, moistening her parting lips and her eyes dropped to the mouth so temptingly near hers. Mare readily accepted the invitation and they joined in a kiss, letting the warmth of their love seep through them. They then settled down to their first night of snuggling since TJ returned from the hospital, not eliminating all the rough spots, but smoothing them for a while.

********************

Sacha at first thought the evening out would be a failure. In spite of welcoming a change from the stress at the ranch, Paula and Erin were having difficulty unwinding. The bar they picked to visit had a three-piece combo providing good, but loud, music for the patrons' enjoyment. Erin had started walking toward the band when Paula grabbed her arm. "Where are you going?" she lifted her voice above the music.

"I want to sit at that table over there," Erin answered, nodding her head at the table she had her eye on.

"Let's sit at the bar," Paula retorted, frowning. "I'm ready for some serious drinking." She tugged on Erin's arm with little success.

"I've been sitting in a saddle most of the day," Erin responded tartly, "and I need a chair with a back. You want to sit at the bar, you'll do it without me."

Paula stopped dead in her tracks. Just as her mouth opened to argue, Sacha wrapped a hand around each woman's upper arm and steered them to a table halfway between the bar and the band. "Haven't you two had enough contention to handle at the ranch? You need more?"

The women looked at her, at first angrily, then guiltily. "No," they answered in unison.

"Then sit." Sacha pulled out a chair and sat down. Erin and Paula fidgeted for a minute, then joined her.

After a waitress took their order for a pitcher of beer and hot wings, Sacha leaned forward with her elbows on the table and looked from one tight face to another. "Okay, girls," she raised her voice above the song issuing from the combo, "let's clear the air. You two aren't mad at each other, you're just letting our boss, and her situation with Mare, get under your skin. Am I right?"

Erin and Paula looked at her, then their glances gravitated toward each other. After a moment, a smile played around Erin's mouth and she gave Paula's hand a quick squeeze. "She's right, Paula. I didn't mean to…"

"Forget it," Paula shouted, then blushed as she realized she had spoken into a lull in the music. The other two women laughed and she soon joined them.

"At least you weren't cussing," Erin kidded.

"I sure feel like cussing at TJ sometimes," Paula blurted. "I know she's having a tough time, but she keeps taking her anger out on us, and that's not fair."

Sacha noticed a shadow cross Erin's face, but the curly-headed woman kept her silence as the arrival of the beer and wings intervened. She picked up the pitcher and poured a mug full for each of them.

Curious about her reaction, Sacha pursued it by asking, "How about you, Erin? How do you feel."

Erin took a sip of beer, then put her finger on the wet ring on the table, first tracing it then pushing it out of symmetry. Her eyes followed the movement of her finger. "She does get testy with us, just like last time." Her finger halted and her eyes flicked up to Sacha's then back down again as her finger resumed its tracing. "I guess I would too, if I had the pain she has."

Something Erin's not telling. I wonder what? "She not only has the physical pain, this time, but also the pain from being out of sorts with Mare," Sacha remarked. She picked a wing from the basket and started gnawing on it, blowing out air when the hot spices hit her lips.

Paula nodded. "Yeah, she wasn't as bad this time while she and Mare were getting along. Now…" Paula just shrugged and grabbed a wing for herself.

"But that wasn't all TJ's fault," Erin hastened to TJ's defense. "Mare did promise to be at that therapy session… and she did say the things that Paula tried to warn TJ about."

"Yeah," Paula responded, wiping her fingers on a napkin. "But let's be fair to Mare, too. She has a practice to keep up with or she would have been there. And I should have kept my mouth shut."

Sacha broke in before the situation deteriorated into another argument. "Looks like there's plenty of blame to be shared, but finger-pointing doesn't solve anything, does it? Sounds like TJ and Mare have to make up." She winked. "Maybe being together by themselves tonight will have some good results. What do you say we assume that it will, and relax and enjoy ourselves?"

"Fine with me," Paula acquiesced readily. She picked up her beer and gulped a long draught.

Erin took a deep breath, shook her head, then looked at her partner with a soft smile. "Me, too," she agreed. "Pass the wings, will ya?"

The three women had a good evening and Sacha ended up driving home a very relaxed and mellowed out Erin and Paula. It wasn’t that Erin and Paula had too much to drink, more along the lines that they’d had an exhausting couple of weeks that were now beginning to catch up to them. The few drinks they’d had only served to put them both to sleep on the trip back. Still they’d all had a very pleasant evening. Sacha was hoping that, when they got back to the ranch, TJ and Mare wouldn’t undo all her hard work in getting the two women to relax.

The therapist nudged Erin awake as they pulled up to the house. "Come on, rouse sleeping beauty by your side and let’s get to bed."

Erin stretched and yawned as she opened her eyes, then gave Paula a shake. "You mean let’s see if they’ve left each other alive," replied Erin.

"I didn’t say that."

Erin grinned. "No, but that’s what you meant."

They got tiredly out of the truck, locking it securely behind them and entering the ranch through the kitchen. The room was dark, as was most of the rest of the house. Just the flickering of the TV came from the living room. They kept the noise down to a minimum, believing that TJ and Mare had probably retired for the evening.

"Well if they did kill each other, they did it after they ate," commented Paula, spying the clean dishes in the drainer.

They must have left the TV on," said Erin, nodding toward the living room. "I’ll just go switch it off. You go on up, I’ll be there in a second."

Sacha and Paula had just reached the bottom of the stairs when Erin backed out of the living room, waving at them and pointing into the living room. Paula and Sacha hurried back across to Erin and peered in.

"Is that precious or what?" remarked Erin as they all looked in to see TJ and Mare fast asleep on the couch. TJ had her head pillowed on Mare’s abdomen, her arms wrapped securely around Mare’s thighs. Mare had an arm across TJ’s shoulders and the other hand buried in her hair.

"Yep," sighed Sacha. "That is too cute for words, but we’ll have to wake them up. TJ can’t sleep in that position and she still has her brace on."

"Damned shame, if you ask me," Paula muttered as she walked around the couch, seeing the contented look on the women’s faces.

"You said it, honey," replied Erin, walking to her lover’s side.

Waking the pair was easier said than done, and in Mare’s case proved impossible. The first shake got no response from Mare and TJ just tightened her grip. The second got a rambling response from Mare and the opening of blue, piercing eyes from TJ.

"Hello there, sleepyhead," said Erin as she gazed at TJ. TJ slowly lifted her head and yawned. "Don’t you think we ought to put you in the correct bed?"

"Don’t wanna," mumbled TJ, putting her head back in the comfortable position it had been in. "I’m comfy here." The blue eyes closed.

Erin rolled her eyes at Paula and Sacha. "Well you might be now, but you won’t be in the morning if you stay there. Come on." Erin patted her arm.

TJ sleepily complied as Erin, Paula and Sacha unwrapped her arms from Mare’s body, got her back into her chair and wheeled her to her bed. Mare slept on, oblivious to TJ’s absence, stirring only as she noticed the lack of TJ’s warmth. Coming back into the living room, Paula grabbed one of the afghans from the back of the couch and draped it over Mare. She switched off the TV and rotated the hall dimmer switch down, then turned and made her way upstairs to bed.

********************

Though disappointed that she had been herded off to bed without the chance to even say goodnight, TJ was relaxed enough that she fell right back to sleep. The next morning, waking to remembrance of their tentative reconciliation, she became excited at the prospect of seeing Mare.

Erin came in and gave her a hand getting out of bed and getting ready for the new day. TJ wheeled into the kitchen ahead of the curly-headed blonde only to learn from Paula that Mare had made an early start. She promised to be back at 10 o'clock in time for TJ's physical therapy session with Sacha.

Ten o'clock came, then 10:15 and still no Mare. TJ was in the gym, building up a real snit, and Sacha was getting concerned. Her plans to get the two women back together had started so promisingly last night. But today looked like a duplicate of the previously missed therapy session that had split them up in the first place. Mare's dereliction was holding the session up, too, because TJ was being obstinate.

"TJ, obviously, something has held Mare up, but we need to get started," Sacha urged.

TJ screwed up her face. "Let's just skip this session. I'm not in the mood."

"Skipping a session is like taking two steps backward. Do you really want to do that?"

TJ made a sound between a sigh and a snort. "No, I don't." She looked at her watch for the umpteenth time and shrugged. "Let's go."

As she wheeled over to the first apparatus on her daily regimen, Erin came though the door with a huge smile on her face. "Mare just called. She's on her way; should be here in 15 minutes."

TJ's face became perceptibly pleasanter but she only nodded.

"Wonderful!" gushed Sacha. "Thanks for letting us know." Erin winked at her effusiveness, knowing the feeling of relief Sacha was experiencing, then left.

Soon, Mare arrived as promised and hurried into the gym. "Sorry I'm late, folks. Barry ran into some problems with an injured bull over at the Mitchell farm and I had to give him a hand. He's waiting for me to return, so I've gotta run back over there as soon as we finish here."

"Too bad my therapy session had to interrupt your important work," TJ muttered without looking up.

Mare had approached TJ to greet her with a kiss, but TJ's attitude stopped her. Standing in front of the dark-haired woman, she put her hands on her hips, shook her head and grinned wryly. "My work is important to me, TJ. And so are you. This time the work seemed a bit more urgent since there is no other vet in the immediate area who could help Barry." She tipped her head sideways and sarcasm slipped into her tone. "He's my associate, remember? We help each other. That's the name of the game."

TJ's knuckles whitened on the bar she grasped. Sacha threw a warning look at Mare who sighed heavily as a guilty look flashed across her features. Try not to upset her, remember? She removed her hands from her hips and laid one on TJ's forearm, rubbing it softly with her thumb. "I'm sorry I upset you, sweetheart. I thought you would understand. I would much rather have been here than there."

TJ looked at the hand and saw a raw, red mark across it. Her eyes flew up and met Mare's, causing a tingle down the vet's backbone. "What happened to your hand?" she demanded, frowning, her pique forgotten.

"It's just a rope burn. The bull didn't care that we wanted to help him; he only knew he was in pain. His instincts told him to fight us." Mare couldn't contain her snort of laughter. "Sort of like some people I know."

Sacha held her breath, but twinkling green eyes sent a message to sober blue ones and little-by-little the corners of TJ's lips curved. "Haven't the slightest idea who you could mean," she drawled.

"Me either," Mare answered blithely, "I was just generalizing." Her hand transferred to TJ's cheek as she leaned into a kiss. Cool lips quickly warmed and TJ put a hand around the back of Mare's neck, holding her for an extended moment.

Sacha breathed a sigh of relief, then clapped her hands. "Okay, you two. Let's save the pleasure for later, and start concentrating on business."

Mare and TJ ended the kiss and swung their eyes to the therapist. "We're ready," they chimed together, then swung their eyes back and grinned wickedly at each other.

Chapter 14

Mare returned to the Meredith farm immediately after the therapy session, feeling good about the progress she and TJ were making toward resolution of their frayed relationship. TJ could have been really nasty about my being late, but she actually worked at being in a good mood. I think that's a pretty hopeful sign.

All afternoon, TJ had an ear cocked for the vet's return, to no avail. Finally, Mare telephoned around suppertime and said they had finally managed to get the injured bull tranquilized and tended to, but she wanted to stay for a while and keep checking his condition. She would eat with the Meredith family. She sounded tired and distracted, so their phone conversation was short.

That night, TJ lay in her bed in the dark, trying to relax. But yearning for the company of a green-eyed, golden-headed woman prevented release of the tension that was tying her stomach in knots. I know we patched a few holes in our relationship last night and today, but I had hoped we could meet with each other this evening to continue what barely got started. Of all times for Mare to be called away! Although she knew it wasn't fair, TJ had a hard time keeping resentment at bay.

After these disappointed thoughts had tumbled through her mind for about an hour, TJ's sharp hearing recognized the arrival of Mare's truck. She pushed herself up onto her pillows, reached to the wall just past the headboard and flipped the three-way switch that lit the lamp next to her bed. Maybe she'll see the light is on and stop by. Another thought caused a pang of apprehension. Or maybe she's not ready to come back here yet.

In spite of their strong physical attraction for each other, TJ still felt insecure about Mare's intentions. Will she stay or will she go? That question was more than she wanted to wrestle with at the moment, so she thrust it away.

A knock came at the door and TJ's heart leaped. "Come in," she called.

The door opened and Mare stepped in, keeping her hand on the knob. She was exhausted and planned to just say hi, go back to her rooms, take a shower and hit the bed. Her eyes met TJ's and a tired smile crossed her face. "Sorry, I didn't know you were already in bed. I'll see you in the morning. I just wanted to…" She stopped and quickly reconsidered as a shadow of disappointment crossed TJ's face. We made some progress last night and today. I'm not going to let that fall by the wayside, no matter how exhausted I am.

Mare let go of the doorknob and walked up to the side of the huge bed. TJ's disappointment ebbed as her intense gaze followed each step. The warm glow of the lamplight daubed gold highlights on TJ's countenance and touched her eyes with burnished specks, enhancing their blueness. Reaching toward her, Mare trailed her fingertips down a golden cheek and lightly touched the sculpted lips, teasing them into a tiny smile. "I just wanted to see you… beautiful," she murmured. Her green eyes crinkled and her lips curved up sweetly.

"You're the beautiful one," TJ said as her tiny smile spread into a wider one. Strong fingers enclosed Mare's hand and tugged. "C'mere."

Mare wrinkled her nose and resisted TJ's pull. "I washed my hands and face, but I still smell like a barn. I desperately need a shower."

The pulling stopped and TJ's expression froze. I desperately need you, Mare. But the dark-haired woman was too used to subduing her feelings, rather than expressing them. Although Mare's influence had been helping her to change that, she still had a long way to go. She released Mare's hand.

Tired as she was, Mare recognized TJ's reluctance to let her go. Her own desire to be near TJ began to build, energizing her. "Tell you what. If you'll let me have a spare T-shirt to wear, I'll shower here."

Dull blue eyes slowly stirred to life. Not trusting her voice, TJ sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and nodded.

Mare turned to leave and TJ grabbed her arm. The golden head swung back, and her eyebrows elevated. Green eyes sparkled as she watched TJ quirk her raven eyebrows in mirrored mimicry and release her bottom lip into a pout. Chuckling, Mare leaned down and dropped a kiss on the pouting lip, then pulled away.

TJ's hand tightened on her arm and Mare's laugh bubbled through her voice. "I'll be right back; I promise." She patted TJ's hand, hurried to the closet and selected a shirt and towel, then dashed into the bathroom. Ten minutes later Mare came back, toweling her hair as she walked toward the bed.

TJ's husky voice tingled through her body. "That shirt looks damn good on you, Mare."

Mare looked down at herself and blushed. She had thrown on the shirt while she was still half wet and the T-shirt was plastered to her body, leaving very little to the imagination. She reached for the bottom edge to pull the shirt loose, but heard, "Don't you dare touch that!" in a mock-threatening voice. TJ lifted the covers next to her. "C'mon, get in the bed before you catch cold," she growled, "and I'll take care of the shirt."

TJ's voice oozed through her like warm syrup, filling all the nooks and crannies, and Mare grinned in anticipation. She tossed the towel onto a chair, ran her fingers through her damp hair and crawled into TJ's arms. She settled against her with a sigh, then snickered as TJ jumped when the wet T-shirt touched her warm body.

Mare glanced up at the heavy-lidded blue eyes. "What's wrong, sport? Don't like wet T-shirts?" she teased.

One of the long arms that were wrapped around Mare grasped her upper arm and eased her onto her back. "On the contrary," TJ's silky voice answered, "I love this particular wet T-shirt." Her fingertips slowly rubbed back and forth across the damp cloth, pausing here and there to bestow extra attention.

Mare's eyes widened when the erotic stimulation of this new sensation caught her by surprise. Then green fire smoldered as her squirming body answered the summons of the ever-lowering touch. TJ maneuvered herself off the pillows and followed her fingertips with her tongue and teeth.

Moaning, Mare tangled one hand in the black mane and dug against her lover's muscular shoulders with the other. Unconsciously, her nails bit into back tissue when her body began to jerk in response to the contact of a persistent TJ against passion-filled flesh longing for fulfillment.

Mare willingly surrendered.

********************

TJ woke just after sunrise, immediately comforted by the blonde head resting just below her chin and the soft firmness of the body spread over hers. This just feels so right. Her thoughts about the night before brought a contented smile to her face. No one who makes love like that could be thinking of leaving… could she?

Mare stirred and TJ's arms tightened about her. The blonde head tilted back into the hollow of TJ's shoulder and grinned lazily up at her lover. "Good morning."

One of TJ's rare wide smiles answered her. "That it is. Best morning I've had in months." She kissed the end of Mare's nose. "The kind of morning I'd like to have forever."

Mare blinked. "It's been a long time since you've said anything about forever, sweetheart."

TJ's eyes filled and she looked away. "I've never really changed my mind about it, Mare. I know I've said some nasty things to you when I was in pain. I probably will again. I don't mean to, but the agony drives me into frustration, anger, depression--you name it, I've got it." She drew a ragged breath. "I can't blame you if you want to leave."

Mare watched the profile of this beautiful, tormented woman she loved. "You left out fear, TJ. You really are afraid that I won't stick by you, aren't you? Even after last night and the night before, you really are afraid that I might leave you."

TJ's jaw clenched but she didn't say a word. Mare could feel the heaving of the chest that she lay against. She lifted a hand along that strong jaw and brought TJ's face around to confront hers. TJ's gaze darted all around and finally met and stayed on Mare's. "What do I have to do to convince you that I will never leave?" Mare asked, her eyes exploring those glorious blue depths. "Do you want me to leave?"

Her face contorting with emotion, TJ swung her head from side to side, her eyes locked on Mare's. She forced a single word from her constricted throat. "Never."

"Then why is it so hard for you to understand that I feel the same way about you?" Mare moved her hand down TJ's neck and clasped it on her shoulder, using it to pull herself up higher along TJ's body so they were eye to eye. "I love you, TJ. I never knew the depths love could reach until I met you. I can't believe my luck when you say you love me, too. But when you don't trust my love and you tell me to leave, that hurts, way more than anything else has ever hurt me."

Usually lively green eyes had turned solemn and with an aching heart TJ sank into their earnest pools. Sadness flooded her face. "It's not you I don't trust, Mare, it's me. I don't trust myself to be the kind of person you can love forever. The kind who won't ever hurt you."

"TJ, we can work through anything either one of us does that hurts the other as long as we are together. It's your rejection of me that would break my heart. Please don't push me away. I'm not immune to fear either, you know? I don't pretend to understand why you love me, or why I love you. I only know I need you. The thought of life without you shrivels my soul."

"Mare… Mare… Gods, Mare, I don't want to live without you, either." TJ closed her mind and her eyes against the terrible pictures of desolation conjured by that possibility.

Mare kissed her closed eyes. "If I have any control at all over what happens in the future, I promise you'll never have to." She waited until the eyes opened and looked into hers, then she and TJ promised their undying love to each other with a deep, tender kiss.

For the moment, harmony reigned.

********************

Mare struggled to help push TJ up the ill-conceived ramp at the redbrick building that housed Peter's office. She stopped for a rest at the top, puffing. "Next time you have to come to a counseling session, Paula brings you," she threatened a grinning TJ.

Happy this morning that her usual pain was only a dull ache so far, TJ was in a good mood. "That's what you say now, sweetie, but you insisted on bringing me," she taunted the vet. "Maybe you need some aerobic exercises."

Mare made a face. "If you mean the ones that make you breathe harder, I think I just got some of those."

"You talking about now… or last night?" TJ chuckled and ducked as Mare swiped at her head, playfully grazing the raven locks.

"Behave yourself." Mare held the door open for TJ and they proceeded to Peter's office. I'm really happy that TJ doesn't cringe from these sessions as much as she used to. Peter finally seems to be helping her.

"Hi, Mrs. Haddon," Mare greeted the white-haired secretary. "How are you, today?" She noticed that TJ at least waved to the woman, which was a huge improvement. She used to wheel right past her to the large windows and stare morosely out at the town's park. This time she stopped her chair near the woman's desk and glanced around at the pleasant room with its walls decorated with bright scenes, noting the sailboat that Mare claimed was her favorite. Two people were leaving as they arrived, but no other patients were waiting.

"Hi, Dr. Gillespie, Miss Meridian," the woman smiled. She turned to her console and announced them to Peter, who immediately came striding from his office to greet them.

He walked right to TJ and shook her hand. "Hi, TJ. Come on in and we'll get started right away." Turning to Mare, he shook her hand, too, and invited her to accompany them. "Unless TJ would rather see me alone," he offered.

"No," TJ answered. "Where I go, Mare goes."

And vice versa, Mare thought, except for my office. Still haven't been able to get her to come in there.

She patted TJ's shoulder and the three entered the room. Peter picked a chair at a right angle to TJ's, with Mare on her other side. They chatted for a few moments to put everyone at ease then Peter brought them back to business.

"Would you like to continue with what we've touched on in your last few sessions?" Peter glanced at Mare, then returned a questioning gaze to TJ. They had spoken several times of TJ's fear that Mare would leave her. In spite of TJ's former declaration that nothing should be kept from Mare, Peter was reluctant to divulge that information without his patient's specific permission.

TJ's happy demeanor sobered so radically that Peter wondered if he should have rephrased the question. She shifted in her chair and started to rock back and forth, then caught herself and spoke guardedly, "I guess my not having enough trust in our relationship has been behind most of the problems between Mare and me." She looked contritely at her lover. Mare pushed her lips together to prevent their quivering, and patted TJ's arm. Love and understanding flowed from her expressive countenance.

Turning back to Peter, TJ took a deep breath then exhaled. "But we're working on that."

Peter waited with an expectant air, feeling that something else was bothering this beautiful, but troubled, woman. He watched TJ clasp her hands in front of her, effectively forcing Mare to remove her hand from TJ's forearm. The raven-haired woman sat looking at her thumbs, which rubbed back and forth against each other.

Silence held until Peter decided to prompt her. "Anything else on your mind that you'd like to talk about?"

TJ brought her eyes up to Peter's, unclasped her hands and rubbed her jaw. "Yeah… I… ah… Remember when I said I got upset that somebody else was riding my horse?"

"Yes, I remember."

TJ hesitated, then made the plunge. "I kept thinking, 'Why should someone else be able to ride Flag when I can't? It's not fair.' Then I talked to the youngster who was riding her and he made me realize I was just being jealous. After some soul searching," TJ's lips curved in self-deprecation, "I also figured I wasn't being very realistic. Just as you suggested, Flag is much better off having someone exercising her. No reason for her to suffer just because I won't be able to take her out for a while yet."

TJ returned to clasping her hands and studying them, so Peter prompted again, "And something else about it bothered you?"

A movement of TJ's position alerted both Peter and Mare as she shifted ever-so-slightly toward the counselor. Mare's eyebrows lifted and her heart dropped. Why is she turning away from me?

Obviously nervous, TJ mumbled until Peter asked her to speak up. "Yeah, something else happened then that bothered me--a lot--and I've been kicking it around in my mind ever since." She stopped and took a couple of deep, audible breaths before continuing. "You know, Peter, being in a wheelchair isn't easy. It puts a lot of constraints on your life, in ways that most people don't even realize." Frowning, TJ twisted her mouth and fidgeted with her fingers. "I've had to give up control of a lot of things, and that's been very hard for me." She glanced up at Peter who nodded at her to continue.

"A couple of times, my friends have taken it upon themselves to make decisions that are mine to make… and I am finding that very hard to accept." TJ hesitated and hunched her shoulders. "I know they think they are doing what's best for me, and I don't hate them for it, but they don't seem to understand that they make me feel…" TJ's voice lowered again and Peter had to strain to hear her, "helpless and inadequate."

Peter saw that TJ was getting agitated and he paused to give her a chance to cope with it. Then he inquired, "Why do you think it makes you feel helpless and inadequate?"

TJ closed her eyes tightly for a brief moment, squeezing tears from their corners. Peter handed her a tissue that she used to catch the tears, then mangled in her twisting hands.

"Because my father did the same thing to me," TJ answered hoarsely. Then pent-up words, finally finding release, rushed from her mouth in labored spurts. "He tried to dominate my life… never being pleased with anything I did… always undermining my decisions… forcing me to do things his way." Her grinding teeth severed the room's silence, testifying to her torment. In spite of a valiant effort not to cry, tears began to slip silently down her cheeks.

At these agonized revelations, Mare sucked in her breath and fought to hold it, but failed. She finally had to breathe and every spasmodic intake of air hammered painfully against her chest. I'm the one who hurt her like that and I didn't even have the common sense to see it. The person I love most in the whole world has been badly wounded by my insensitivity. My god, how could I be so ignorant?

Her stricken eyes met Peter's and he inclined his head toward TJ. Mare rose and placed a kiss on top of the bowed head, then she put a hand on TJ's face and kissed her wet cheek. TJ reached blindly for her armrest, moved it away and opened her arms for her lover. Mare moved onto her lap and into her embrace, murmuring, "I'm so sorry, TJ. Can you forgive me?" Pulling TJ's head against her breast she kissed and stroked the dark hair, crooning soothing sounds.

TJ broke down completely, crying so hard it hurt to hear it. Battered by the strength of TJ's sobs, Mare's body shook, too. TJ clung to her, instinctively trying to absorb the love that would help calm her soul.

At last, TJ began to quiet down. An occasional gasp soughed past her lips, jerking her body. Peter handed Mare a box of tissues and she dried TJ's face, laying soft kisses on it as she did. TJ continued to cling to her lover for a while, loath to let go.

When TJ could speak, she lifted her head and touched Mare's lips with her own before turning to Peter. "I'm going home now," she told him.

Peter would rather have had TJ stay and talk over the feelings that had caused these reactions, but he believed that TJ's greatest need from him at this moment was a confirmation of her control over her life.

He rose and Mare did, too. "Fine, TJ. I'd like you to think about having a discussion of today's session when you come back for your next visit. Okay?" I think we're nearing the end of one of the bad roads you've had to travel.

"Sure," TJ agreed quietly. "Right now, I just want to go home." And be with Mare. She patted the hand that had just squeezed her shoulder, and looked back at her lover. "What do you say, Mare?"

"Anything you want, sweetheart," Mare answered fervently. All the while her mind was racing. What bearing does this have on the Tom situation? I better talk to Erin and Paula, see what they think. TJ seems to like him, so we probably should tell her about him soon or she'll accuse us of trying to run her life again. Be honest, Mare, we are guilty, guilty, guilty. We keep trying to protect her and she gets hurt anyway.

She followed TJ to the outer office, waited as she made arrangements for her next visit and walked beside her out into the sunshine. Her eyes slid down to TJ's face, still slightly swollen from her weeping, and saw how much today's session had affected her. O lord, I hope I never hurt her again.

Mare acknowledged her own fault, but understood that TJ's traumatic childhood had created the bitterness that eroded her lover's self-esteem. How could someone as courageous and noble as TJ have come from such a father? Physical abuse heals but mental abuse warps the soul. No wonder she doesn't want to have anything to do with any reminders of him, like my office--the scene of some of his worst abuse of her. These were not new thoughts, but in light of the current situation, they staggered Mare anew. Never mind the office, her mind screamed, what about Tom?

Cobalt-blue eyes looked up and grabbed the vet's heart, then a slow smile followed. "Hey, Mare, I just had a deep thought about this lousy ramp. Related to something Sacha said to me. You want to hear it?"

"Sure." Mare lifted her brows. She took hold of the chair's handles to keep it from rolling too quickly, and they started down the incline.

TJ's soft voice floated back to her. "This ramp is sort of like life. It's pretty easy to get down, but it's a darn hard struggle to get back up."

Before Mare could answer, she had to swallow the lump in her throat. "Right you are, sweetheart." Right you are.

Chapter 15

Berta put Bobby into the child's car seat in the back, then admired her husband Barry as he packed the portable highchair in the trunk. "You look right handsome in that outfit, podner," she remarked, exaggerating her normal drawl.

Barry looked down at his khaki jeans, rust-colored cotton shirt with the sleeves partly rolled up, and tooled boots. "A lot better than those worn out jeans I work in, huh?" His eyes roved over his wife. "You look pretty charming yourself, ma'am. Is that a new pantsuit?"

"Sure is. I know Mare said to just wear casual clothes, but most of my casual clothes are pretty tired looking." She twirled around, showing off her burnt-orange pantsuit, emerald-green ribbed sweater and high-heeled boots. "Think this is all right to wear?"

Barry encircled her waist and gave her a quick kiss. "You look super, honey. You'll be the best looking woman out there."

"Just as long as you think so, that's all that matters to me." Berta patted his chest. "I'm kind of excited to be going to dinner at the Meridian ranch," she observed.

"I'm kind of excited to be driving somewhere in a car instead of the vet truck," Barry laughed. He got in the driver's side and started the car while Berta hopped into the passenger seat.

"I've heard some people in town mention Miss Meridian with something close to awe in their voices," Berta said. "Apparently she saved the town from some dangerous water pollution."

"Yeah," Barry answered, "and people on the ranches and farms tell me that she brought this whole area back to life by opening the ranch and the packing plant and putting people back to work. They owe a lot to her generosity."

"She sounds like a real mover and shaker. Have you met her at all?" Berta glanced back to check on Bobby. Dressed in a bright blue Cowboys sweat suit, he had already begun to nod. Just put him in a moving vehicle and off he goes to sleep!

Turning her gaze to the passing scenery and the huge sky, she rejoiced that they were out of the town. Homes in Meridianville weren't sitting on top of each other, but she loved the sense of freedom and boundless space that the open range provided.

"No, I haven't had a chance to meet her," Barry replied. "I heard about how she rolled into the Town Meeting and just took over the pollution problem, though. She must be quite a force." He smiled, remembering the amazement still showing on the faces of the ones who told him the tale.

"One reason I haven't met her is because of the accident she was in. Remember when we first moved here and Mare was running back and forth to the hospital? Miss Meridian had an operation on her back. It's just been recently that she's returned to the ranch."

"She and Mare must be pretty close friends if Mare pulled up stakes and moved out there to live," Berta said. She glanced back and smiled as she saw that Bobby had fallen asleep.

As she brought her eyes back to Barry, she sensed his discomfort. What on earth?… Is he blushing?

"Berta… uh… maybe I should have said something sooner, but some people say that Mare and Miss Meridian are… a lot more than just friends." You should have told her earlier, you idiot. You haven't the slightest idea how your own wife feels about gay and lesbian lifestyles. How's she going to take this news? Not knowing that answer was what had made Barry procrastinate about telling Berta in the first place. If she had hard feelings about Mare's situation, it could have serious repercussions on their lives.

"More than just friends?" Berta's brow knit. "You mean they're lovers?"

Barry, staring straight ahead at the road, nodded.

"Well, that's a relief," Berta said, with feeling.

Barry's face swung around so rapidly, he ran one wheel off the road. Quickly realizing his mistake, he averted disaster by slowly and carefully steering back onto the paved surface. "What do you mean, a relief?" he asked when his heart had gone from his throat back into his chest. "That doesn't bother you?"

"Barry, I've known a few gay people. Some I've been pretty close to, but I figure how they lead their lives is their own business. I'm not so perfect that I can go around telling other people how to live or expecting that they should live according to my rules. Besides, I've been kind of worrying about you traipsing around the countryside with Mare. She's a darn good-looking woman. Now I don't have to worry about it," she smiled. "That's what I meant when I said it's a relief. I'm more concerned about women who might chase my man, than I am about women who love women."

Barry let that thought sink in for a few minutes as he pulled into the parking area of the Meridian ranch house. "Are you saying you don't trust me?" he asked cautiously, seeing a whole new side to his wife.

Berta unbuckled her seat belt, leaned over and kissed his questioning lips. "I'm still with you, aren't I?" she laughed, then poked him in the ribs. "Come on, let's go meet the savior of Meridianville. I'm looking forward to meeting the powerful, important TJ Meridian. Can anyone be the paragon she's supposed to be? Grab the high chair and I'll bring Bobby and the kiddie bag."

Holding the folded chair flat against his side, Barry pushed the bell. Then he stepped aside to let Berta, holding the still sleeping Bobby, precede him through the opening door.

Mare gave them her biggest smile. "Hi," she said quietly, in deference to the sleeping tot, "come on in." Mare had on charcoal slacks and a silver-gray tunic top that shimmered with olive highlights when she moved, sparking green embers from her eyes.

Oh, wow, thought Berta. She looks beautiful. Glad Barry put my mind at ease.

Paula got up and relieved Barry of the high chair. She shook hands with him and Berta as Mare introduced her. "This is Paula Tanner, CEO of the packing plant, and," she turned to indicate Erin, "Erin Scott, CEO of the ranch. Ladies, meet Barry and Berta Cassel and their sleeping son, Bobby."

Everyone shook hands and Paula took the high chair to the dining room, then returned. Mare ushered the Cassels to a seat on one of the couches, directly across from the one occupied by Erin. While the other two women and Barry engaged in subdued chitchat, Mare helped Berta set her bag on the floor, then lower Bobby onto the couch. Berta pulled a light cover from the bag and placed it over him. "Might as well let him sleep until dinner is ready," she murmured. Wonder where Miss Meridian is? Wonder if she's the prima donna type who likes to make a grand entrance?

"Martha assures me that dinner will be served in about 20 minutes," Mare informed her. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Already taken care of," Paula waved as she made her way to the kitchen, having learned the proper drinks from Barry.

"Mare, where's your office from here?" Barry asked, his eyes roving around trying to place where he was in relation to the room he had already visited.

A soft buzzer sounded from Mare and Erin who promptly pushed a button on their respective pagers. "I'll get it," Erin said. She stood up and strode from the room while Mare began to answer Barry's question. They continued to chat as Paula returned with drinks for everyone.

Erin came back in, grinning. "TJ will be right in." When she had answered the summoning buzzer, Erin found an aggravated TJ, sitting in slacks and bra. In her hurry to dress, she had tossed her shirt onto the couch in her room and it had slipped and fallen behind it. Not even the pants puller was long enough for TJ to reach it and the couch was too unwieldy for her to move by herself, hence the call to Erin. Erin moved the couch out and retrieved the shirt then pretended to torment TJ by waving it in front of her and giving her a pseudo lecture on taking proper care of her clothes. TJ trapped Erin in a corner, grabbed the shirt from her and tried to snap it against the blonde's rear as she dashed out and returned to the living room.

Several minutes later, Berta heard a creak from the hallway and turned to see its cause. Her breath caught at the sight of a raven-haired woman of stunning beauty, clothed in pale-blue slacks, a navy-blue turtleneck and matching cardigan. Pearls circled her long neck, and compelling blue eyes gazed from a gorgeous face. Any entrance by this woman would be a grand entrance. She doesn't need to manufacture one. And in a wheelchair yet. Must need one because of the operation.

Mare had just completed the introductions when Bobby awoke screaming. Berta picked him up and bounced him in her arms trying to calm him down, but she wasn't having much success. TJ rooted in the pocket hanging from her chair and pulled out a peppermint stick. Unwrapping it, she wheeled over in line with Bobby's vision and, with a wide smile, held it up to him. After a short moment of suspicion, he reached for it, jammed it into his mouth and effectively squelched the screaming.

TJ held an arm out to him and patted one wheel with the other hand before extending that arm, also. "Hey, Bobby, I have a big wagon here. You want to take a ride?"

The youngster looked at his smiling, nodding mother, then moved into TJ's reach. She picked him up and put him on her lap. "I'll be right back." She wheeled out into the hallway and rumbled down toward Mare's office door. As she got near it, she unconsciously slowed. Her heart started pounding and perspiration glistened on her upper lip, leaving her taken aback for a moment. Shit, TJ, which one of you is the baby? You don't have to go in the damn office!

Twisting the chair around, she hurried back to the top of the hallway, continuing to sneer at herself for her ridiculous reaction. In defiance of it, she gave Bobby a ride up and down the hallway two more times, coming as close to the closed door as she dared. This small rebellion managed to overcome her fear, for the moment, and she cheered back up.

When she brought the happy youngster back, he kept saying, "Go, go," but TJ laughed and said, "Maybe after you eat." She set the boy on the floor and he ran back to his mother who thanked TJ profusely. Bobby turned his attention to playing with the toys that Berta had taken out of the kiddie bag and placed on the carpet at her feet.

Soon, Martha announced that dinner was ready and they moved to the dining room where TJ sat at the head of the table and Mare at the foot. The Cassels sat to TJ's right. Bobby made it known that he wanted to sit near TJ, so, with her consent, his high chair was set up between TJ and Berta, with Barry next.

Erin and Paula sat to TJ's left. The convivial group enjoyed roast tenderloin, with all the trimmings. Lively conversation included everyone and even Bobby enjoyed himself, eating most of his abbreviated meal. Understandably, to him the highlight of the dinner was the dessert: cherry pie topped with vanilla ice cream. As he was absorbed in eating it, the conversation flowed over and around him, oblivious to his actions.

With dessert and coffee, talk had turned to the types of celebrations held in small Texas towns in the past as witnessed by TJ, Mare, Barry and Berta. Mentioned, among other things, were horse races, food-tasting contests, dunking for apples, and shooting ranges. Erin and Paula added tales of tug-of-war and archery contests from their childhood memories in their native states.

"I'd like to see something like that happen here, in Meridianville," TJ said. "Maybe you and Barry could mention it around, Berta, see if folks would be interested."

"Sure, TJ. I like the idea. And Barry meets a lot of people he can ask," Berta agreed.

"Right," Barry seconded. "If enough folks are interested, maybe we could get the Town Council to set up a committee and get something started on it. I'll be happy to ask around. I'll get back to you on that."

"Paula and I can chip in as soon as we get back from vacation," Erin offered.

"Super," Mare added. "I'll spread the word, too, and we can… oh my god!" All eyes had been on Mare but when they saw her mouth drop open, they quickly switched their eyes to where she was looking--at TJ. The dinner's hostess had pushed her chair away from the table, clasped her arms to her body and doubled over.

Erin jumped up and hurried to her side with Paula right behind her and Mare coming up the other side of the table. Erin laid a hand on TJ's heaving back and asked in a scared tone, "TJ, are you okay? What's wrong? Are you crying?"

Just then Mare reached TJ's other side. She grabbed TJ's shoulder and hauled up on it. "No," she giggled, "she's laughing!"

Straightening up when Mare pulled on her, TJ had shining eyes and a smile that threatened to split her cheeks. The laugh she was holding in burst forth. When the others got a look at her, they laughed, too. When she lowered her arms, there was a dish in them. The front of her shirt was covered with a cherry pie-vanilla ice cream mixture. Still giggling, Mare lifted the dish from her arms and set it back on the table.

TJ pointed at the toddler who was sitting in his high chair with an empty spoon in his hand, banging it on the tray and grinning. "Bobby threw his plate at me," TJ barely managed to explain, "when I wasn't looking. By the time I got my arms up, it was too late." She looked down at the front of her, "Guess he didn't like dinner," she comically complained, then glanced up to meet Berta's stricken face, "and I wasn't even the cook." Her ludicrous expression drew laughter from them all, smoothing over the embarrassing moment.

Mare grabbed a napkin from the table and wiped TJ's hands then cleaned some of the solid gunk off of her shirt. "I think you're going to need some clean clothes," she chuckled.

"This reminds me of what that bull did to you, Mare, when he pulled you on your belly through that pile of…"

"Barry! Don't you dare squeal on me!" Mare threatened him.

"Okay," he laughed, "but TJ sure looks better than you did." Mare threw the balled-up napkin at him that he caught easily and brought to his nose. "Smells a lot better, too," he laughed, joined by the others.

"Can't argue that point," Mare chuckled.

"I'll help you get cleaned up, TJ," Erin offered. "And Mare can stay here with our guests." They went off to TJ's bedroom, with Erin's voice trailing behind them explaining that she thought TJ was having some kind of attack.

"TJ was a really good sport about that," Barry remarked to Mare as Berta got Bobby down from the high chair. Paula showed them to the bathroom so Berta could wash her son's face and hands.

Mare smiled winsomely. "Yeah, she was, wasn't she? I saw it happen and she was really startled. But obviously the humor of the situation won out." She is full of surprises. I thought she would be upset; instead, she thoroughly enjoyed herself. Apparently I've got a lot to learn about my complex lover.

When the cleanup had been completed and everyone had gathered in the living room, TJ suggested that they top off the evening with a songfest. Everyone moved to the music room and spent the next two hours singing or just listening as Mare played both popular and classical music, while Erin and Paula joined in the popular songs with their guitars. They even cajoled TJ into singing a couple of ballads and her low, vibrant voice warmed them all.

Finally, reluctantly, the Cassels had to leave. "We had a wonderful time, TJ." Barry and Berta shook her hand, then turned and Mare gave them each a hug. When they turned back around, Bobby was standing on TJ's lap with his little arms wrapped around her neck, and her arms encircling him.

"You get Mommy and Daddy to bring you back, soon, you hear?" TJ smiled at him.

"Go… go," he said.

"Okay," TJ laughed. "one more time. Hold on!" She turned the chair and took him one quick ride down the hallway and back. Just before Berta reached for him, Bobby hugged TJ's neck and kissed her cheek, bringing a tender look to her face.

"Thanks, TJ," Berta smiled as she hitched Bobby up on her shoulder. "You've been great. Especially about the ice cream fiasco."

"We loved having you, Berta," TJ answered. "And don't worry about the ice cream. Next time we'll try to have a dinner Bobby likes," she said with a twinkle, drawing chuckles from everyone.

Good-byes were finished and the Cassels left. Paula and Erin closed everything up for the night, waved goodnight and climbed the stairs.

"That was a lot of fun, TJ," Mare remarked as she turned off the lights. She dimmed the hall light, but left it on as usual. "Thanks for letting me invite them."

"Hey, sweetheart, this is your home, too, remember? Your guests are my guests and vice versa."

Mare walked to the chair, lifted the handle away and sat on TJ's lap. "Go… go," she said and leaned into her lover's body, wrapping her arms around her neck.

"You betcha… hang on!" TJ directed. She wheeled out into the hall, then quickly into the bedroom and laughed as Mare stuck out a hand and pushed the door closed.

Chapter 16

Pulling his car up to the front steps of the Meridian ranch house, Dr. Michael Gillis turned off the motor and took a moment to stretch his back and neck muscles. An early morning rain had assaulted his car for most of the two-hour drive from Springerly and he felt stiff from the extra attention he had been forced to pay to the driving conditions. Fortunately, the storm had finally let up.

Thoughts of his patient were on his mind as he picked up his medical bag, exited the car and climbed the two steps to the porch. He knew that TJ was a strong woman who, nevertheless, had a few chinks in her emotional armor. Aware that her attitude could play an important part in her recovery, Michael was anxious to see her in person.

Before he could lift his finger to the bell, the front door opened. Entering, he set his bag on the floor, enveloped Mare in a big hug and kissed her cheek. "Hi, sweetheart, how are you?" As he released her, she returned his kiss and their mirrored green eyes twinkled at each other.

"I'm fine, thanks, Dad. Seems like ages since I've seen you."

"It's been awhile, that's for sure. You and Sacha have done a good job with the phone calls, keeping me pretty well informed on TJ's condition." He shook off his windbreaker and handed it to Mare.

"We're all here, as you requested, Dad." Mare waved her free arm toward the other women. Sacha, in her white pantsuit, nodded to Michael from a flowered armchair and Paula and Erin, seated side-by-side on the matching couch, nodded also

A coffee table sat in front of the couch with a carafe, cups and saucers, mugs, sugar, cream, spoons and napkins gracing its surface. "Would you care for a cup of coffee, Michael?" Erin asked.

Michael rubbed his hands together briskly. "Nothing I'd like better right now, Erin. The weather was nasty on the drive over." Erin reached for a cup, but Michael's voice changed her hand's direction. "A mug will be fine. Black, please." Erin filled and handed him a mug and he sat in one of the armchairs, sipping at the hot brew.

Returning from hanging her dad's jacket in the hall closet, Mare took another chair. "You want to talk to us for a few minutes, or examine TJ first?"

Michael turned to his daughter. "TJ's in her bedroom?"

Mare nodded and grinned. "She probably heard you come up the driveway and wonders why you aren't in there yet."

"Surely she won't mind waiting while we have a brief chat?" Michael asked, then chuckled as Mare rolled her eyes. "A little impatient, hmmm?"

"TJ doesn't do 'impatient' in a little way," offered Paula, with wry grins from the other women reinforcing her statement.

"Then maybe we better get right to the purpose I had in asking to see all of you for a moment," Michael suggested. He took a long swallow from the mug and set it on the edge of the coffee table.

"I'd like a very brief rundown on how my patient is adjusting, physically and emotionally, to life here at the ranch. Would you like to start, Erin?"

The curly-haired blonde hesitated for a moment. She looked at the floor then back up to Michael, concern painting a frown on her face. "I know TJ has a lot of pain..." Erin stopped and wrung her hands together, a sad expression crossing her face, "maybe even more than the first time she was injured. And I see her getting tired sooner than usual. She always had a tendency to push herself to the limit and she still does that, so we all try to make things easier for her." Erin glanced toward the other women.

"When she first came home, she seemed really confused and depressed. But as soon as she and Mare made up," Erin shot a hint of a grin toward the vet, "TJ calmed down a bit. I think she's really trying hard to keep her temper in check, but she's not always successful."

"And that makes her mad at herself," Paula added. Erin turned her head and nodded at her partner to continue. "Which sets up a vicious circle, cycle, whatever you want to call it. She gets mad at us, then mad at herself which makes her madder at us, and so forth and so on. I know you said to keep her calm, but that's a tough order, especially for me. I've got kind of a quick temper and sometimes we butt heads against each other. But I'll keep trying." Paula looked toward Sacha, but Michael interrupted by standing up.

"Thanks for your input, ladies, you've given me some idea of TJ's state of mind. If she's having trouble with her temper, I better not keep her waiting any longer." Michael shook his head and grinned at the relieved expressions his words elicited. "Sacha, how about if you hold your thoughts until after I examine TJ? We'll need to go over the next phase of her physical therapy and we can talk then."

"No problem, Dr. Gillis," Sacha agreed.

Lifting his coffee mug, Michael drained it and set it back onto the table, then looked at Mare. "Shall we?" He walked to the front entrance and retrieved his bag.

Mare jumped up and led her father down the hallway to TJ's door. Tapping lightly, she pushed the door open and they walked into the room. TJ sat in buttery sheets, propped up by several pillows bedecked with yellow and cream stripes. A slate-blue, silken bed jacket lost the battle for supremacy to her stormy eyes.

Uh-oh, Mare thought. She looks absolutely gorgeous and absolutely ticked.

Undaunted by TJ's severe expression, Michael set his bag on a chair and greeted her with zest. "TJ, how wonderful to see you," he said as he walked over to her. Not waiting for it to be offered, he picked up TJ's hand and shook it, then leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, but I wanted to steal a few minutes to chat with Mare. We haven't seen each other for a long while. Too long a while." Michael still held TJ's hand, patting it as he spoke. His gleaming eyes challenged TJ, and he determined that he would hold her hand until she acknowledged him.

Recognizing the challenge, TJ clenched her jaw, looked past him into the distance and refused to give in.

Uncomfortable with the silence, Mare looked from one to the other, then moved closer and wrapped their clasped hands in both of hers. "I guess you know you are the two people I love most in all the world, don't you?" she inquired softly. Her eyes sought TJ's and after a long moment, the blue eyes refocused and swiveled to her. "Please?"

Mare said just the one word and Michael watched as TJ's eyes gradually calmed and one corner of her lips twitched. He felt her hand squeeze his, even as her eyes came to meet him. "Hello, Michael," her throaty voice greeted him.

Mare felt TJ's hand squeeze and Michael's squeeze back, so she let go of them. Michael held TJ's hand just a little longer, then released it. "Thank you for coming back from wherever you went just now," he said, with a glint of humor. "I'd hate to think I drove all the way from Springerly just to see you, and you weren't going to be here."

A chagrined smile spread slowly across TJ's features. "Now I see where your daughter gets her blarney from."

Michael and Mare looked at each other and chuckled. "That's my Dad!" Mare praised and patted him on the back, while Michael beamed at her.

"Looks like I'm outnumbered," TJ muttered, but she smiled as she said it.

"How about we get started on this examination?" Michael opened his bag, took out his stethoscope and hung it around his neck. Then he pulled out the sphygmomanometer and took TJ's blood pressure. Next he listened to her heart, then put his equipment back in the bag. "Everything looks good so far," he assured her.

"Will you move onto your stomach, so I can take a look at your back?" Michael asked.

Mare helped to remove the pillows while TJ scrunched down and turned over. Smoothing the sheet that covered the lower part of TJ's body, Mare raised the bed jacket so that Michael was able to examine the incision without difficulty. Gently but firmly, his fingers felt the area around the incision, then pushed and probed until he was satisfied that the surface healing was completed.

He finished his examination and motioned to Mare to help prop TJ up again in a sitting position.

"You've been wearing the turtle shell brace when you sit?" he asked.

"Yes, always," TJ answered, "but my back still gets tired."

"It will for a while, yet, TJ," Michael answered. "Some of those muscles have had a pretty bad shock. It takes time for them to get as strong as they were before. The therapy will help with that. Meanwhile, keep using the brace."

He chuckled at the "oh, no" look on TJ's face. "Not happy about that?"

"Thing's damned uncomfortable," TJ groused.

"Well, it's that… or stay flat," Michael informed her lightly. Then his voice grew more serious. "How's the pain?"

TJ's jaw clenched again, but not from stubbornness this time. She glanced down at her fingers, which had been constantly playing with one of the ribbon ties of her bed jacket.

Michael's eyes softened. "Pretty bad, huh?"

TJ nodded. Mare swallowed hard and put a hand on TJ's forearm, rubbing up and down it soothingly.

"I can't give you anything stronger, TJ. I wish I could. Hopefully, as your back heals, the pain will lessen. I can't even promise that it will go away; that's something we will just have to wait and find out about."

TJ's eyes lifted and he could see the pain in their depths. "We knew that going in, Michael. It's just something I'm trying to learn to live with." She corrected herself with a wry twist of her lips, "Something we all are trying to learn to live with."

Michael stood and patted her shoulder. "You're a strong woman, TJ, and you have some great people here who are all pulling for you. I'm going to have a word with Sacha, now. We need to get you started on your bladder training--see if we can do away with the bags and tubes."

Some of the light that had left TJ's eyes returned. "Now there's a thought to warm my heart. Tell Sacha I'm ready to start right away… today!"

Michael grinned and took TJ's hand. "I'll do that. I'm always happy to leave a patient with some good news. I'll stop back in a few weeks. You try to take it easy on your caregivers, okay?"

TJ shook the doctor's hand and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Someone been telling tales about me?"

Her eyes swung to Mare, who stammered, "Uh… I… uh… plead the Fifth Amendment."

"And I," Michael hurried to say, "need to go find Sacha. I'll be seeing you." He picked up his bag and fled.

TJ grabbed Mare's arm as she started to follow her father. "I think you need to stay here while we have a little discussion. About self-incrimination," TJ remarked wickedly.

********************

It took Michael several minutes to find Sacha; she was outside, sitting on the fence, watching one of the ranch hands in the corral with the horses.

"Hi there," he said as he leaned against the fence, eyes squinting in the bright sunlight.

Sacha looked to her side and glanced down. "Hi, Doc, have you been to see the ladies?"

"Yes, I have. TJ is doing better than I expected. The operation site is healing well and you have managed to get most of her upper body strength back." Michael turned his back to the corral and leaned again on the fence. "Mare and the girls seem to be happy with her progress. They haven’t mentioned any problems. Neither did TJ, for that matter. I’d have to say I was pleased with her progress on the whole but…"

"But now you’d like to know the truth, because you know that none of them would say anything that would mean TJ has to go back to the hospital?"

Michael laughed. "You know us doctors too well, Sacha. So, what is your opinion of the situation?"

Sacha climbed down from the fence. "Walk with me." She started to walk down the driveway, heading for the shade of the trees that lined the road. Michael settled into a slow walk by her side. "Physically, TJ is making excellent progress. She can spend longer periods out of the brace than we had predicted she’d be able to; in a couple of weeks she won’t need it at all. As you said, her upper body strength has come back remarkably quickly."

She swiped lazily at an insect that was buzzing around her head. "On the pain front, well, we are still in the mire there. It is not as intense as it was in the hospital, or at least that's what she says. It may be that she has just gotten used to it. I still occasionally give her a shot of pethadine at night, especially after a hard day. She is still taking her dihydrocodeine on a regular basis. You might want to think about reviewing that at some point, it makes her dehydrated and that causes a wracking headache. Which leads us to the main problem."

They had reached the shade of the trees, and Sacha wandered over to the trunk of a large oak and sat down on a perfectly dry spot at its base.

"And which problem would that be?" Michael said as he leaned a hand against the tree and stuck the other in a pants pocket.

"They are all having problems adjusting mentally to what has happened. TJ especially, though Mare and the girls are having their own fair share. TJ reacts badly when she is in pain, lashes out without thinking, then beats up on herself for it. For a while there I seriously thought about bringing her back in to the hospital. But Peter seems to be doing his job and she’s talking to him."

Sacha stopped for a moment and gazed at her surroundings. "Peaceful out here, isn't it?" she said with a touch of wonder.

Michael looked around at the quiet scene and took a deep breath. Fresh air, cleansed by the rain, was lightly touched with the earthy smell of horses and barn. "Yes, it is. Too bad we can't order up a sunny day to rest under an oak tree whenever we feel like it." He glanced down at Sacha and they shared a smile.

"How about the girls? How are they doing?"

"They don’t know whether they are coming or going with TJ. One minute she’s fine; the next she is withdrawn or screaming at them. Obviously walking on eggshells all the time isn’t good for them." The therapist picked up a twig, studied it for a moment, then her strong fingers worked to peel off its bark.

"They also have a problem remembering sometimes that TJ is an adult and can make her own decisions; they are a little overprotective of her. Saying all that, however, they are coping, and they are slowly getting better. TJ’s getting better at recognizing when she is overreacting and the girls are getting better at not letting her get to them."

Michael frowned for a second then asked, "Do you think TJ will be okay here when you leave?"

"Yeah, I think they will all be fine. They might need a reminder every now and then, but they will be fine." Sacha discarded the bared twig with a slight sigh. Too bad I can't peel problems away from people as easily as I peeled that bark.

"Good," said Michael, offering Sacha a hand up. "I think it's time that TJ gets started on the finer things. I think she has enough return of tone to attempt retraining her bladder. It would be good to get rid of all the tubes and stuff."

"I agree," Sacha said, and she started the walk back. "A little more independence will do wonders for her. And I think that it is about time I got back to the city. TJ knows what she has to do and she is capable of making the trip to see me now."

"If you think it's time for TJ to take over for herself, that’s okay with me."

"Yes, I do, and although I've really enjoyed being here, I’m looking forward to getting back home." They continued up the drive, talking about nothing in particular.

***********************

"So how is my favorite patient today?" asked Sacha as she bustled into the room.

TJ, who had just maneuvered herself from the bed into her wheelchair, looked up. "Sacha, I’m your only patient."

"In that case, it isn’t too hard for you to be my favorite, is it? Hmm?"

"Guess not," smiled TJ. "What does my personal torturer have in store for me today? More weights?"

"Nope, today I thought we would start on getting you independent of wearing your tubes and bags. The doc reckons you have recovered enough tone down there to be able to do without having to wear a catheter constantly, and I concur with him. Before the accident, you had managed to train yourself to go without the bag for a period of several hours. We just need to retrain you somewhat," replied the therapist.

"Sounds cool to me; let's get started," TJ said eagerly.

"Hey, slow down there, champ, you’ve been through some of this before, remember? You didn’t exactly have a lot of fun with it, did you?" In fact, TJ had been through several embarrassing episodes at the hospital before they decided that she would most likely have to use a catheter bag on a permanent basis.

The enthusiasm on TJ’s face dulled slightly at the reminder. She recalled that the bladder was retrained over a period of time. The catheter would be removed and left out for a few hours, then reinserted to drain the buildup of fluid. This was easy enough to do if you could feel when your bladder was full or you had any control over when you opened the bladder. It was a lot harder when those normal senses and reflexes were impaired.

TJ had been mortified in the hospital when she hadn’t been able to control herself and ended up wet. The indignity of having the nurses come in to change her and replace the diaper-like pads she had to wear was not an experience she particularly wanted to repeat. "Yeah, I remember. Do you think we will have more success now?" asked TJ in a more somber voice.

Sacha chuckled. "Sure do. For a start you’re not under the same pressure as you were at the hospital. You're in the comfort of your own home. And let's not forget that, although you haven’t recovered as much as the doc hoped you might, the removal of the bullet fragments has allowed you that little bit of extra control. I know it isn’t a feeling as such, more an awareness, but it should be enough for us to succeed in this and give you a smidgen more independence."

"Okay, then, let's get started. What do you want me to do first?"

"First, we have to limit your fluid intake today, so that we don’t overload you too quickly, and you need to let Mare and the girls know what is going on. That way they'll know that when you ask for assistance you need it immediately and not in five minutes… and it means they can be prepared for any accidents that happen."

Telling Mare and the girls that for the next couple of weeks they might have to clean her up on a personal level didn’t appeal to her at all. But her previous experience had taught her a valuable lesson, and if losing that little bit of dignity for the next few weeks was the price she needed to pay to get rid of the tubes and bags, then she would.

"I'll do that," TJ agreed. "Let's get on with the training."

Chapter 17

It was Saturday, a day off, and Paula sat in the lounge chair in the living room, reading. She and Erin planned on riding their horses today and she was waiting for her partner to join her. On Saturdays, since Sacha had gone home, Mare usually helped TJ with her exercises, but she had been called away during the night on an emergency and Erin was taking her place.

Paula had offered to help. They both knew that TJ could be moody when her routine was interrupted. And disappointment at Mare's absence would offer her another possible excuse to unleash her volatile temper. But Erin insisted that it was her turn to fill in for Mare, so Paula didn't bother arguing about it.

After a long wait, Erin entered the living room and plopped down in a corner of the couch. Paula glanced up at her partner with a smile, soon stifled by the look on Erin's face. Flapping the dust cover into the page she had been reading, she closed the book and laid it on the end table beneath the reading lamp.

Looking again toward Erin's closed face, she hesitated. Wonder what happened this time? Oh, what the hell. Won't know until I ask, will I?

"Erin?" The hurt and stormy expression in the brown eyes that met hers roused Paula's protective instincts. "What's wrong?

"Nothing," Erin answered curtly.

"If nothing's wrong, then you sure are wasting a nasty look," Paula noted. Her nearly black eyes locked on Erin's, observing the angry flush that suffused her blonde partner's cheeks.

"Did something happen between you and TJ?" Paula's lip curled. "Or should I say did something happen to you, by TJ?" Erin pursed her mouth but still didn't answer. "C'mon, honey, tell me about it."

"Don't 'honey' me, Paula. I'm not feeling very sweet right now," retorted Erin, shifting her eyes away.

Silence hung between them like a heavy curtain that resisted easy parting. Paula longed to walk over and push away the loosened curls that straggled onto Erin's face, but she held back, perturbed by her lover's testy mood. I know TJ had a hand in this and damn! that pisses me off. As often happens with anger, a frustrated Paula shifted her irritation from the absent TJ to the present Erin. Unable to contain her impatience, she attacked, her voice rising.

"Why the hell don't you stand up to her, Erin? She only pushes you around because you let her. I know we're trying to keep her emotions on an even keel, but walking all over you isn't part of the deal. She yells 'roll over' and you lay down like a damn puppy dog."

Erin's flush deepened and she responded in annoyance, "That's easy for you to say, Paula. You don't owe her like I do."

"Owe her? For what? We carry our own weight here." Paula's eyebrows lifted in surprise. Then the surprise turned to a scowl. "Surely you can't still believe you owe her for saving you from those creeps in college? That was years ago. You've paid her back a hundred times by now."

"I'm not talking about any of that; I mean because of the accident."

"The accident?" Paula echoed. I knew that was bothering her. We should have talked it out before this. She got up and moved onto the couch next to her partner, her voice softening. "You think you owe TJ because of the accident? None of that was your fault, honey."

She reached up to put her arm around the tense shoulders, but Erin, submerged in her feelings of guilt, jerked away.

"Leave me alone, Paula. I'm in no mood for your sympathy." And I don't really deserve it. "Besides, it was my fault," Erin muttered. "I was driving. I should have been able to outsmart those drunks. Instead, I let us get run off the road. You get a broken leg, and TJ gets close to two years of progress wiped out in a couple of seconds."

Erin placed her elbows on her knees and bent her curly head into her hands. "She's going through this god-awful, unbearable, never-ending pain because of me." Tears dampened her cheeks and she barely whispered as she repeated agonizingly, "Because of me."

Again, Paula attempted to put an arm around her, but it was shrugged off. The dark-haired woman jumped up, jammed her hands in her jeans pockets and strode agitatedly back and forth in front of the couch. "It was NOT your fault! The only ones at fault were the stupid jerks who attacked us. Nobody could have handled it any better than you did. You tried your damnedest to keep us on that road, and it just didn't work. It was an accident; you sure didn't plan it that way. Can't you see that?"

Erin's head swiveled back and forth through the whole speech, negating every word. Paula ceased her traipsing and stood in front of Erin, putting her hands on her hips. "Look, Erin, it was only bad luck for you that you were driving. It might have been me. Do you think I could have done anything that you didn't try?"

"How would you know? You were drunk."

The words scorched Paula like a flame-thrower, rocking her on her heels. Soooo, I get to claim a little part of this guilt, too, huh? The thought added fuel to her anger. "Where is TJ?" the dark-haired woman growled.

"In her office." Erin's head turned up between her hands. "Stay away from her, Paula. Don't rile her up any worse than she already is. She's in a lot of pain right now."

"Riiggghhht!" Paula snorted and turned away, marching toward TJ's office. Erin started to rise to stop her, but gave up when she saw the futility of it. She lowered her head further and beat herself some more with her guilt.

TJ was sitting at a right angle to her desk, working at the computer. She heard Paula come stomping in, but didn't bother to turn around, which further antagonized the incensed woman. Paula came up behind TJ's wheelchair, grabbed one of the push handles and yanked it, thinking to spin the chair around so she could confront TJ face to face. She hadn't considered that TJ had locked the wheels.

Instead of spinning around, the chair tipped precipitously. Acting purely on reflex, TJ threw an arm toward the desk next to her, stopping the chair's descent just long enough for Paula to get hold of it and straighten it up.

TJ's features twisted as a blast of pain shot up her arm, burst through her bruised shoulder and forcibly merged with the nexus of agony in her back. "What the goddamn, frigging hell are you and Erin trying to do to me? Put me back in the hospital?" she shouted, the agonizing wave of pain making her react without thinking. "First Erin tries to brain me with a damned weight, then you try to knock me over! I know you guys aren’t exactly thrilled with having the hindrance of me being here, but for Christ's sake, if you want me back in the hospital just tell me."

Hmph. Now that she and Mare are on speaking terms, I thought that little insecurity had been put to rest. Paula stood her ground, waiting for TJ to shut up. Her anger at Erin's distress more than blotted out any trepidation that might arise from mere words aimed at her. I don’t care what she’s feeling at the moment, I’m not having her jumping on Erin. TJ finally ran down, throwing out her last sentence, "You almost dumped me onto the floor, you stupid idiot! "

"Oh, don’t talk such complete and utter trash," Paula scoffed. "I wouldn’t have let you go over and you know it. Just because you happen to be having a bad day, don’t take it out on Erin and me." Paula paused, hands on her hips. "Erin and I have been with you a long time, TJ, and we've put up with some real garbage from you. But, I swear, if you don’t stop hounding and yelling at Erin, I’m taking her and we are getting out of here. You hear me?"

The two glared at each other for a long moment. Pain rebounded up TJ's back and surged across her shoulder blades. Digging into the spaces between her shoulders and neck, it gouged deeply into her neck muscles and exploded into her head. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, then Paula's words sank into her embattled consciousness and her eyes and mouth flew back open. "And just what the hell did I do to Erin to get you in here all riled up?" she yelled.

"You tell me; you're the one who just had her so upset she was crying!" Paula screamed back, stabbing her finger at TJ. "I'm sick and tired of you using her for a verbal punching bag and expecting her to take it. You think that just because she works for you, you have the right to stomp all over her?" Paula's hands curled into fists and she restrained them rigidly at her sides. She wanted to hit TJ so badly she could taste it.

The pain had settled down a bit, but TJ still felt as though a huge tiger had dug its claws into her back. The struggle to ignore it, and curiosity over Paula’s fury, combined to help mitigate her wrath. She had never seen her friend so enraged at her and it gave her pause. She fought for a moment to harness her own anger, then tried to speak calmly, "Paula, you know that anything I say or do has nothing to do with you and Erin working for me. You're my friends, not my employees."

"Well, maybe you need to be reminded of that 'friend' part again, TJ. I've told you before I can take any shit you want to hand out, but Erin can't. You said something to her this morning that got her really upset and it's not going to happen again, understand?" Paula stuck out her chin belligerently.

Still fighting to ignore her pain, TJ nevertheless managed to cool down. She began to fully appreciate just how distraught Paula was about some supposed confrontation with Erin. Propping her chin on her hand, she gazed into space and frowned in thought. Hell, I always yell when I'm in pain. They know that. What was so different about today? She stirred her memory as to what had happened...

The exercise session was almost over and Erin had been nagging TJ through the various moves. TJ was moping that Mare had been called away--Saturday was the only day the vet could help out with TJ's morning exercises--and she didn't hesitate to let Erin know that she missed her lover.

"You know, Erin, Mare doesn't pester me the way you do," the dark-haired woman continued her complaints.

"Well, maybe you behave better for Mare than you've been doing for me today," the curly-headed blonde responded tartly. Erin was losing her patience. She and Paula had planned on riding together this morning and the exercise session had slowed those plans down. Doesn't she realize that I'm being inconvenienced, too? I could be out riding right now instead of in here listening to her grumbling.

Lying on the weight bench, TJ was nearly finished her last reps of presses. Her aggravation must have increased her adrenaline; the weights felt like feathers. "You didn't make these heavy enough," she griped. "Take those 5-pound weights off and put another ten on each side."

A 'please' once in a while wouldn't hurt, thought Erin. The extra weights were in a locker in the next room and fetching them just wasted more time. "Paula is waiting for me to ride with her. At this rate, it will be noon before we get outta here," she grouched.

TJ just rolled her eyes. She settled the bar in its rests and waited for Erin to remove the weights. Erin yanked them off and set them on the floor at her feet then dashed off to get the ten-pounders. She came hurrying back, carrying one in each hand with two fingers stuck through each hole for support.

In her haste to get to the bar, she forgot about the weights she had left on the floor and she tripped over them. As she threw her hands forward to stop her fall, her brain shifted everything into slow motion. Watching in horror, she saw her hands bringing the weights down toward TJ's body and she did her best to slow their descent.

TJ saw the danger and tried to move, but she could avoid only one weight. The other one came down on her shoulder with a thump, not hard enough to seriously injure her, but hard enough to seriously hurt.

TJ's sharp movement had awakened the pain that constantly lurked in her body. The added agony of the weight hitting her shoulder brought a scream to her throat that she transformed into a torrent of words aimed at Erin's clumsiness.

"Son of a bitch, what the hell are you doing? Can't you do one simple thing without tripping over your own damn feet?"

Erin had scrambled to recover her balance. Alarmed at what had happened, she laid down the weights and reached to administer to TJ's shoulder. "I tripped over the weights, TJ," she muttered.

TJ grabbed Erin's wrist and squeezed. "Oh, for god's sake don't bother," she growled. "You've done enough damage."

Erin winced as TJ's powerful hand closed around her wrist. "I'm sorry, TJ. It was an accident..."

"An accident?" TJ interrupted harshly as she flung Erin's arm away from her. "You put the goddamned weights on the floor, which was pretty stupid in the first place."

Erin had been berating herself with the same accusation, but hearing TJ throw it in her face raised her ire. "So, I'm not perfect," she declared, raising her voice, "but at least I stayed here to help you this morning. I could have just gone ahead and ridden out with Paula. I know you're ticked that Mare isn't here, but that's not my fault."

TJ rasped sarcastically, "See if you can push my chair over here without hurting anything. Then you can get the hell out of here. You’re obviously not interested in helping, and right now you're just a hindrance."

Seething, Erin pushed the chair close to TJ and tried again to touch the injured shoulder. TJ pushed her away and climbed into her chair by herself, refusing any assistance. She toweled off, adding a few more choice words about Erin's clumsiness. Erin, infuriated by the abusive language, stormed out and TJ wheeled herself to her office.

"I did yell at her," she finally admitted. If I'd stop letting the goddamn pain control my anger, we'd all be better off. But just how do I manage that? Even now, waves of pain thrummed through her, setting her teeth on edge. It was a battle to speak civilly to Paula. "She tripped and hit my shoulder with one of the weights. It hurt like hell and I screamed at her. I don't remember my exact words," she shrugged and her lips twisted, "but I do remember ending up by saying she was more of a hindrance than a help."

"That's just great, TJ," Paula said disgustedly. "You take a woman who's been feeling guilty for months about being responsible for our accident and you reinforce that guilt by telling her she's practically useless. Why didn't you just hit her with a club? That would have been less damaging."

TJ frowned and her questioning eyes sought Paula's. "She feels responsible for our accident? That's absurd."

"Yeah? Well, try telling her that. I'm not having any success in convincing her. She's letting you walk all over her because she feels guilty about all the pain she's caused you."

TJ lowered her head. I have been walking all over her and evidently she's been hurting just as much as I have. "I had no idea…" I should have, though. I'm an expert on guilt trips. Right, Lance? If I hadn't talked you into going with me that night we were attacked, you would still be alive.

Paula rubbed both hands down her face, massaging the tense muscles. Her rage had burned intensely, but swiftly. Now it had burned itself out and she was feeling the letdown. "Neither did I, TJ. At least I didn't know just how much it was bothering her. We're both at fault here, I guess." She pondered that a moment, then when TJ looked up at her, she asked, "Do you think you could talk to her? She needs to hear you say that she's not to blame."

"Sure, Paula. Ask her to come on in--if she will. I was pretty nasty to her."

"Thanks, TJ. I'll talk her into it. And I apologize for jumping on you like I did. When Erin gets upset, I get upset, too, and I don't have the greatest tact in the world, you know."

"Tact isn't even in my dictionary, Paula," TJ said with a wry grin. "But as long as we can stay friends I hope we can get over most of the hurdles." She reached out and when Paula grasped her hand, she pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek.

Paula swiped at her eyes and sniffed as she straightened up. "I'll send Erin right in."

She left and went back into the living room where Erin still sat fuming. Now she was angry not only at TJ but also at Paula for ignoring her request to leave TJ alone.

"TJ wants to see you."

"Like I give a damn," Erin answered bluntly.

"Come on, Erin. She wants to talk to you about our accident." Paula sat next to her again, but didn't attempt to put an arm around her. Two rebuffs in one day were about all she could handle.

"What did you do, go in there and suck up to her about 'poor Erin' blaming herself for the accident?" the curly-haired blonde demanded.

"Get real. Did you ever see me suck up to anyone?" Paula charged. Erin's personal attacks were getting to Paula; she could feel her anger building again. Rather than screaming at her partner, retreat seemed to be her best course of action at the moment. She jumped up and headed for the stairs. "I'll be upstairs. You'd best go in and listen to what TJ has to say to you." Taking the steps two at a time, Paula hastened away.

"It'll be a cold day in hell when I go running after her!" Erin sat up straight and hollered after her.

A creak sounded from the doorway followed by a vibrant voice, "How about if she comes running after you?" TJ wheeled into the room, coming to a stop several feet from Erin who was momentarily dumbstruck.

The blonde's bruised brown eyes rested uneasily on TJ, touching the dark-haired woman's heart. "Come on over here… please?" TJ asked with one eyebrow elevated.

Erin's brows lifted. "Are my ears working all right? Did I hear you say 'please'?"

"Yeah," TJ answered softly, "please." She lifted up an arm of the wheelchair and patted her lap. "Come on over and sit here."

The request startled Erin, diverting her anger. "Uh… TJ, I can't sit on your lap, that's Mare's place."

A small gust of laughter burst from TJ. "I'm not going to kiss you, Erin. I just want to have a heart-to-heart talk with you, like a mother and a daughter." TJ pointed a thumb at her own chest. "With me being the mother."

Erin hesitated, her anger at TJ not entirely gone, but when TJ really wanted something, Erin found it hard to resist pleasing her. Her generous nature won out and she sat down on TJ's lap. A long arm wrapped around her waist, holding her firmly in place. Sitting so close to that glorious gaze was a bit disconcerting and Erin cleared her throat to give herself a moment to adjust to it. By this time her anger had dissipated entirely. After all, getting hit with that weight had to hurt--and it really was my clumsiness that caused it.

TJ cocked her head and grinned slightly as she saw the hardness of Erin's expression dissolve and the natural warmth of her personality return. "Paula tells me you're trying to take all the credit for our accident."

"Credit?" Erin drew back her head and looked askance at TJ. "You mean blame, don't you?"

"Well, all of us have some claim to the blame and you seem to insist that it's all yours. I figure you must think it's something valuable, so it must be credit you're looking for."

"TJ, you're being ridiculous," Erin scoffed.

"Am I the one being ridiculous? Actually, it was Paula's turn to drive, but I told her it was her party and she could choose not to drive. When she chose not to, that moved you into the designated driver's spot. So, Paula could take the credit for the whole thing."

Something in the depths of Erin's eyes shifted a tiny bit. "It wasn't Paula's responsibility, it was mine," Erin argued.

"Then again… " TJ continued, ignoring the interruption, "Mare should get some of the credit. She's the one those idiots were chasing after when they showed up at our table. If she hadn't 'lured' them over, nothing would have happened, right?"

The "something" shifted a bit more. "But I was the one driving. I was the one who lost control of the van."

Again, TJ ignored the interruption. "Then, of course, there's me. Not only was I the hated 'Meridian bitch' who really set them off, but also I was the one who grabbed the guy's thumb and took him to his knees in front of the whole bar. So I probably should be allowed to claim the greatest portion of the credit. Lord knows I worked hard enough for it." One side of her mouth quirked up.

"Look, TJ, try as hard as you might to whitewash it, the van crashed because of my stupidity. Paula and I got hurt and I can handle that." Erin's eyes brimmed with tears. "What I can't handle is what happened to you. You were making really good progress and in a split second you got knocked right back to the beginning--right where you were the first time. You have to go through all that pain again--because of me."

TJ's magnificent eyes warmed with concern for her friend. "I don't blame you for that, Erin, and I hope you can stop blaming yourself. You're no more to blame for what happened to me than I am for what happened to Lance. Let's both try to forgive ourselves, okay?" TJ felt a huge weight begin to lift from her soul. That makes so much sense. Maybe, after all these years, I can start down the road of forgiving myself. Maybe.

Erin laid her head on TJ's shoulder and cried. TJ moved her arm up across Erin's back and clasped her upper arm, pulling her closer. The other hand smoothed the curly locks, over and over. "Go ahead and cry, kiddo," she murmured, "you'll feel better." She waited for a while, making soothing noises and giving Erin time to cry some of her bad feelings away.

At last the tears stopped. "I've been such a fool," Erin sniffled. "I couldn't see far enough past my own guilt to realize that no one of us was to blame. Paula tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen." She stayed there, resting in the security of TJ's arms, and allowed herself to release her guilt.

After a while, at peace, she raised her head and gazed into TJ's eyes. "She also told me to stop letting you push me around."

TJ chuckled. "You should listen to that partner of yours. She's one smart cookie."

Erin sighed, then managed a tiny grin. "I have to warn you, though, TJ, from now on when you yell at me, I'm liable to be screaming right back at you."

TJ's smile lit her face. "I'll look forward to it, Erin. You know how I like a good fight."

Throwing her arms around TJ's neck, Erin moved her blonde, curly head next to TJ's raven one and hugged her tightly. "God, TJ, even when I hate you, I love you," she declared.

TJ turned her head and kissed Erin's cheek. "I love you, too, Erin. And I always will, no matter what."

When Mare had finished the emergency call, she stopped at the post office and picked up some veterinary supplies that had just arrived. Riffling through the mail, she pulled out a card addressed to her old address and a warm feeling suffused her when she saw its author. "Hi Mare, gonna be here longer than expected, more business contacts! I'll keep in touch. Love ya, Jess."

Mare grinned, happy to hear from the friend she grew up with. Glad he talks more than he writes or phones. Guess I have to wait till he gets home to hear all his news. And for him to hear mine! And meet TJ! She slipped the card in her back pocket and walked out to the truck.

She drove to the ranch and entered her office through the back door. She loved her office except for one nagging disappointment. TJ had never entered it and probably never would. Mare had hoped her troubled lover would change her mind, now that it no longer held the slightest resemblance to its former appearance. In her determination to erase all vestiges of the room where TJ's father had beat her so violently, not one square inch had been left unchanged.

All the other rooms on the first floor carried some imprint of TJ's presence: equestrian magazines, a horse-head mug, business charts, candy dishes containing her favorite fudge, and pencils everywhere. There was a feeling of completeness that had returned to the house when TJ came back from the hospital. None of that was evident here, and Mare missed it terribly.

But she had not been able to entice TJ into the office, no matter what she said. The last time the vet had made a subtle suggestion, the dark-haired woman had gotten agitated, forcefully reminding Mare of the agreement not to pester her about it.

"I'm not trying to pester you, TJ. It's just that the office is so much a part of me, a big part of my life, and I want to share that with you. I want to share everything with you. I guess I kinda hoped you felt that way, too."

"Mare, you knew how I felt when you moved in there. Don't be trying to lay some guilt trip on me; I won't go down that road." The blue eyes narrowed and Mare saw a storm brewing in their depths.

Ah, well, one can always hope. Mare sighed and changed the subject.

After she put the new supplies in a closet, she sauntered toward the living room where she heard voices, especially the velvety one that always thrilled her.

She reached the doorway just in time to see a tableau that startled her for a minute. Then she heard Erin say, "God, TJ, even when I hate you, I love you." Mare had to grin. There's some of that feeling in all of us, isn't there? She heard TJ answer, "I love you, too, Erin. And I always will, no matter what happens."

"So!" Mare interrupted the scene and walked into the room. "Just what did happen, if I may ask?"

Erin jumped about a foot in the air and scrambled to get off of TJ's lap. "Nothing, Mare," she quickly answered. "This isn't what it looks like." The curly-haired blonde wrung her hands in agitation.

Mare glanced at TJ who smiled wickedly behind Erin's back and winked. Mare's eyes twinkled back. Oh, so it's tease Erin time, huh? "Looks to me like you and TJ were hugging and kissing. Am I wrong?"

A blush rushed quickly up Erin's cheeks, turning them bright red. "Yeah… I mean… no… I mean… nothing was going on between us… I… TJ, help me out here, will ya?" She turned back toward the dark-haired woman who raised her hands, shrugged and looked apologetic. "Well, we were hugging and kissing…"

Erin's mouth dropped and she stared at TJ, disbelieving her failure to explain the situation. She swung her head quickly to Mare and caught her trying to wipe a smile off of her face. Then the light dawned and Erin's eyes narrowed. "You guys are teasing me," she accused.

Mare and TJ laughed out loud as Erin folded her arms, pursed her lips and shook her head at them.

"I'm sorry," Mare spluttered, while a big grin belied the words. "You and TJ have been friends for ages. If anything were going to go on between you, it would have happened before now. Besides, Paula would have decked you both."

A begrudging grin crept onto Erin's mouth. "You're right, there." Then her expression changed as she said, "Yikes! Paula might still be mad at me. I better go see." She started to leave, then rushed back and kissed TJ's cheek. "Thanks, Mom," she whispered and dashed out of the room.

Mare dropped into the vacated lap, threw her arms around TJ's neck and pulled her into a lingering kiss. As their lips parted, she murmured, "Good morning," then proceeded to nibble an irresistible ear.

"A very good morning… now," TJ chuckled and squeezed her tightly.

"Soooo, tell me about it. I want to hear every word," Mare urged, then jumped as she felt a warm hand meet the skin beneath her shirt.

TJ bent her head for another kiss. "First things first, I always say…"

********************

Erin went busting up the stairs and into their bedroom where she came to a screeching halt. There were clothes all over the room--on the bed, on the chairs and even on the small table in front of the sliding glass doors that opened onto a balcony.

"Paula? What's going on?"

Her partner strode out of the walk-in closet with an armload of clothes that she added to those on the bed. "What's it look like? I'm rearranging my clothes." Paula's face was tight and her whole body tense.

Oh boy, this doesn't look too promising. "I thought we were going riding," Erin remarked. She laid her hand on Paula's arm, but Paula yanked it away.

"My partner never showed up," Paula said sarcastically, "so I decided to sort my clothes."

"Well, I'm here now. We can still go riding."

Paula shrugged and started to sort some of the clothes on the bed into different piles. "I'm busy now."

"This can wait, Paula. Come on, let's go riding while it's still nice out. I'll help you with this when we get back," Erin wheedled, but Paula wasn't giving in. She hadn't even looked at Erin yet.

Paula picked up two piles of clothes and walked back into the closet. As she came out, Erin startled her by grabbing her shoulders and shoving her against the closet door, pinning her there. "Polly, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we had the spat, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry I acted so nasty. Now, I'm not letting you away from this door until you agree to forgive me and to go riding with me."

The black eyes, conveying the hurt Paula felt, lifted to meet and probe Erin's. "You know, don't you, that I could knock you on your ass with one arm tied behind my back?"

Erin's eyes gleamed and she murmured, "But you won't, will you?"

The two gazes mingled and spoke to each other. Paula's cheek twitched. "You know I won't," she whispered.

Erin leaned into Paula's body, lifted one hand from its hold on her arm and laid it against her partner's jaw. Tenderly, she drew her thumb back and forth across the unyielding lips until they began to soften. "I am really, really sorry I hurt your feelings, Polly. TJ and I had a long talk and she convinced me that you were right, I shouldn't blame myself for the accident. But I do blame myself for being so mean to you. Please forgive me?"

Paula's arms lifted slowly to embrace her lover and she leaned her head down on Erin's shoulder. Gently moving Paula away from the door, Erin wrapped her arms around Paula's tense back. Softly, she smoothed her hands over familiar muscles, feeling them gradually relax.

The two stood in silence for several minutes, then Erin murmured, "What do you say we forget about what happened this morning? Let's go riding and have the great day we had planned to have, okay?"

She felt Paula's head nod in agreement, then rise off of her shoulder. Erin put both hands up to enfold Paula's face and touched her lips with a kiss. "Hi there, beautiful."

A slow, endearing smile and a squeeze answered her. "Hi there." Paula tilted her head and looked deeply into Erin's eyes. "Think you might like to go for a ride?"

Erin laughed and reached for Paula's hand. "I'd love to," she replied as she led her partner out of the room. They danced hand-in-hand down the steps, on their way to the barn.

Chapter 18

Mare rubbed at her tired eyes as she put the last of her papers down. For the past two hours she had been working over her financial books. Although she had an accountant to balance the books, she liked to keep abreast of how her practice was doing. In the last few months, even with the addition of her associate Barry, the practice was making enough money that, for the first time, she didn’t need to worry about how the bills were going to be paid. That knowledge sent a pleasing warmth through her body, and brought a smile to her face.

Meridianville was on the upswing. The return of the packing plant and the ranch had done more than bring money into the economy; it had given the town back its self-esteem. Due to several federal grants that TJ’s advisers had helped them apply for, the town council now had the money to start renovating the town. They had set up an enterprise committee to encourage new industry to move into the area; again, all because of advisers TJ had brought in.

Mare leaned back, relaxing into her chair. Yep, TJ really has turned this town around and she didn’t have to do it with them kicking and screaming either. Heck, they actually were very cooperative. Once they had the opportunity to better themselves, they jumped at the chance. TJ said that she would provide the people to help the town but that she wasn’t going to force the town to use them. In the end it wasn't a problem, and the various advisors were rushed off their feet.

A muffled thump drew her attention to the wall her office shared with TJ’s, and a chuckle erupted from Mare as she heard the curses that followed. Pushing her chair back, she stood up and wandered out of the office and down the hall to her lover’s door. When TJ was annoyed, Mare knew that discretion really was the better part of valor, so she knocked on the door and waited for a reply.

"Hey TJ? You okay in there?" She smiled again as she heard her lover moving around.

"Yes, I’m fine, thanks."

"You sure?" Mare put her hand on the doorknob and turned it.

"Er, well, actually maybe I could use a hand."

Mare pushed open the door and stuck her head around it. "And how may I assist you, m’lady?" she asked, then frowned, not seeing TJ at her desk, though she could see the handles of her chair. "TJ?"

"Yes?" Her voice came from behind the desk.

"What are you doing?" Mare walked up to the desk and looked over.

"I dropped my pen and I couldn’t pick it up with my grabber." Mare glanced over at the long-handled stick that had a trigger action at one end and a three-pronged grasper at the other. Paula had presented it to TJ because she was fed up with having to pick up the various objects TJ threw when she got angry.

"Come on, wheel yourself out of there and I’ll get it for you."

"Thanks." TJ attempted to wheel herself out from under the desk but misjudged the distance and bashed her head on the lip as she tried to rise. "Ow!" Her hand came up and rubbed the sore spot.

"Here, let me," said Mare, gently pulling her chair the rest of the way from the desk, before she leaned down and kissed where TJ was rubbing. "Better?"

"Oh yeah," said TJ with a cheeky grin on her face.

Mare rolled her eyes at the implication in TJ’s voice. "Brat! Now move out of the way and I’ll get your pen."

"Yes, ma’am." TJ grinned as she got out of Mare’s way. She rolled a few feet back but didn’t move from behind the desk, wanting to appreciate the view as Mare got on her hands and knees and crawled beneath the desk to retrieve the elusive pen.

"Got it," Mare said. She held the pen out behind her so that TJ could see the evidence of her accomplishment, then she crawled back out and clambered to her feet. She turned to the grinning face of TJ. "Enjoy the view?"

TJ chuckled. "I always enjoy that view."

Mare stepped over to her and handed her the pen. As she did, she noticed the dark, growing stain on TJ’s jeans. Crap! Well I guess it had to happen sooner or later, and she’s been doing so well. "Hey, honey, I think we need to go get you changed."

Frowning, TJ looked down. "Ah, shi…" A finger rested on her lips.

"Don’t say it," Mare scolded, removing her finger. "You’ve done really well so far, but we had to have an accident at some point. So no beating up on yourself, or cursing to high heaven, okay? We just go get you cleaned up and go on from there. Got me?"

"Yeah, okay," TJ replied rather forlornly.

"I said no beating up on yourself," Mare scolded again.

TJ looked up, a grin tugging at her mouth. "God, you know I love it when you get authoritative."

"Well, I will just have to practice it with you more often."

TJ started wheeling toward the door. "How about a little extra practice now?"

Mare raised her eyebrow and quickly followed her lover out of the office.

********************

"You are such a brat!"

TJ lay back on the bed and grinned as Mare’s voice echoed out of the bathroom.

"And don’t you dare lay there with that smug grin on your face either." Mare’s voice grew louder as she poked her head around the door. TJ forced a startled look onto her face and pointed to herself. "Yes, you!" Mare laughed.

"But what did I do?" TJ asked incredulously.

"TJ, the bathroom looks as though it went through the great flood, and I look like a drowned rat."

"Yeah, but you are a beautiful drowned rat," TJ replied, giggling. "Besides you started it… so don’t blame me that you couldn’t finish it."

Mare had to concede that point to TJ. They had slowly wheeled down the hall to the bathroom with Mare trying to keep the atmosphere as light as she could, knowing that TJ hated the fact that she had soiled herself. But as Sacha had told them it was to be expected, and at least it had happened while she was there to support her partner.

Mare got TJ into her bathroom and helped her out of her clothes. Rather than go for a quick wash they decided that TJ might as well take her bath. With the aid of the overhead hoist, Mare helped her lover into the warm water she had run. TJ had been quietly washing herself when Mare got the impression that the situation needed to be livened up just a little. Swiping her hand down into the water, she arched a large splatter smack into the center of TJ's chest.

It took only seconds for the startled woman to return the favor with relish. An all out water fight followed and the bathroom sank without a trace. In her zeal to make the biggest splash, Mare got too close to TJ and cringed as a large hand twined itself in her shirt. Uh-oh, I'm a goner.

Unable to escape, the squealing captive got her just desserts. TJ showed no mercy, pulling her forward and dunking her face in the tub, then pushing her back up. Sopping wet and out of breath from yells mixed with laughter, Mare finally called a truce. With a feral grin, TJ tugged against the shirt, threatening another immersion, but after a moment of nose-to-the-water teasing, she took pity on her and let go.

Mare dragged TJ out of the bathroom, helped her onto the bed, and tossed her a clean towel from the closet. Then she returned to clean up the flood. If nothing else, the zany deluge had brought TJ’s incredible smile back and the mess she was left to clear up was more than worth it if just for that.

Finally having cleaned up the worst of the water, Mare leaned against the doorjamb and wiped her hands on the only towel that retained a trace of dryness. God, that woman is gorgeous, she thought as she gloried in the still glowing body sprawled on the bed. "Hey," she called, then hesitated, trying to regain the breath that suddenly deserted her when TJ looked over to her. "Want some company?"

TJ looked into Mare’s eyes, the deep emerald green promising more than she could imagine, and evoking an immediate reaction. "Sure," she replied, her voice husky and barely above a whisper. Mare still heard her… she slowly walked over, her gaze drawn to the hand that TJ reached out to her.

As their hands met, Mare’s eyes reconnected with TJ’s blue chips of fire, and she felt their smoldering heat surge right down her spine. Her heart rate increased and a fine sheen of moisture coated her face as she felt the stirrings of desire. Her fingers lovingly traced the contours of TJ’s strong hand, each ripple deeply ingrained into her mind. While her eyes never left the depths of TJ’s, a gentle tug brought Mare to her knees by the side of the bed.

"Hi," TJ whispered, rolling onto her side to get closer to Mare, raising her other hand to caress the soft face before her.

"Hi, back," Mare said as she leaned in and tasted the sweetness of TJ’s lips.

Savoring the moment, TJ slowly moved her hand around through Mare’s hair to the delicate softness at the nape of her neck. The gentle massage brought a purr to Mare's lips and she fell closer toward her lover.

TJ brought the kiss to an end as her body demanded that she breathe again, though her mind felt bereft at the loss of Mare’s sensuous lips.

"I think you're overdressed for the occasion." TJ’s hands pulled on the still damp T-shirt Mare was wearing, until she took the hint and helped remove the offending article. TJ’s hand dropped inside her bra to the inviting mound of Mare’s breast, loving the fullness and weight in her palm, thrilling in the gasp her touch brought from her lover.

Her lips began to nibble their way down Mare's neck, as TJ fumbled left-handed with the catch of her bra. Mare reached behind her back and hastened to help her dark-haired lover, already tingling with the imagined feel of those lips on the flesh awakened by TJ's other hand.

The catch gave way beneath their combined efforts and TJ unceremoniously threw the bra across the room. Freed from imprisonment, Mare's breasts no sooner felt the joy of release than TJ's descending mouth latched onto an aroused nipple. Capturing it anew, her tongue played around and against its hardness.

Mare’s hands moved to pull TJ closer but the positioning was too awkward. Pushing up from her knees, Mare rolled TJ onto her back and followed her over until she was sprawled on top of her lover, TJ still firmly attached to her chest.

"Oh sweet… " gasped Mare as TJ continued the roll until Mare was pinned by her weight. She moved her lips from the left breast to the valley between and over to the right, while her hands moved to the top of Mare’s shorts. With a quick twist of her fingers she had the button undone, closely followed by the zipper.

Mare’s excitement grew at the proximity of TJ’s hands, but she knew that her lover wouldn’t be able to lift herself so that Mare could remove the clothing. With a nudge Mare pushed TJ over onto her back and supported herself while TJ infuriatingly slowly removed the shorts and panties.

Mare pulled herself away from TJ's suckling to slide downwards and greet her lover face to face. The feel of breast upon breast sent a hiss of desire through TJ. It still amazed her how Mare could elicit such sensations from her body: her touch, her smell, her taste encouraging the fantasy of sensation below. Their lips and tongues met with longing as Mare sank into the kiss.

TJ groaned as the feathery strokes of the smaller but just as arousing hands of her partner grew gradually deeper against her hungry breasts. Her eyes closed at the sensation and her hands ran down Mare’s back until they reached her shapely buttocks and pulled her closer.

"Oh, sweetheart," Mare whispered in desperation, "please…"

"Ask me, Mare," the husky voice answered. "I'll give you whatever you want."

And she did.

********************

The morning sun drew golden patches on the kitchen floor as Mare picked up her bag and prepared to leave. TJ wheeled into one of the patches, her eyes glowing even brighter from the reflected rays.

Mare smiled inwardly at the lovely picture, even as her brow furrowed with concern. "You sure you're going to be all right?" she asked again.

"I'll be fine. Will you get outta here?" TJ demanded. Paula and Erin had gone to the packing plant for the day and Mare had been called to fill in for the vet in Sharlesburg. This would be the first day they had left TJ completely alone and Mare had misgivings about it.

Recognizing the impatience edging into TJ's voice, Mare sighed. I guess I am being overprotective. "Okay, okay," she grinned. Leaning down until she felt TJ's lips against her own, she lightly brushed the tip of her tongue between them, kissed her quickly and pulled away.

"Wait!" TJ laughed and grabbed the tail of her shirt. "Come back!"

"Nuh uh, " Mare smirked. "That's just something to remind you of me while I'm gone." She yanked on her shirt, pulling the tail from TJ's grasp.

"Spoil sport." TJ made a face as Mare opened the door to leave.

The vet took one step out then turned back. "Remember, Martha will come over from the cookhouse and fix you some lunch. Erin or Paula should be back in time to fix supper and I'll be back from Sharlesburg as soon as I can."

TJ raised her hands, turned the backs of them toward Mare and made brushing motions, sweeping her out. Mare grinned, put her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss, then left.

After lunch, TJ returned to her office while Martha cleaned up the kitchen. When the front door bell chimed, Martha hollered that she would answer it and a few minutes later, she came to the office.

"Miss Meridian," she said, "there's a Mrs. Raphaele at the door. She says she needs to talk to you about something that concerns your father."

My father? Just the reference to her abusive parent made TJ chill to the bone. Suck it up, TJ. You're head of Meridian Corporation. Now act like it! TJ urged herself. Then her thoughts turned to the visitor. Who is she? What could she want? "Just a minute, Martha."

TJ called up the name Raphaele on the computer's Meridian database. The only reference was to Raphaele Consultants with a notation that they had been hired for some consulting work quite a few years ago. There was no specific information available. Why didn't she go to the Meridian office? Why come to me?

Martha waited patiently while these questions skittered through TJ's mind. The raven head turned back to Martha. Well I'm not gonna know what she wants until she tells me. "You can show her in now."

Martha left and returned with Gloria Raphaele, introducing her to TJ before she returned to the kitchen. "Miss Meridian, this is Mrs. Raphaele." Gloria walked to the desk and extended her hand. TJ leaned over the desk and shook the woman’s hand noticing her firm, yet controlled, grip. There was no flash of recognition on TJ's face, only a touch of curiosity. "Please sit down, Mrs. Raphaele."

"Does the name Raphaele mean anything to you, Miss Meridian?" She looks like her father. But where he was handsome, she's absolutely stunning! And they all three have those glorious eyes! Though I see something in their depths… maybe tension? Or is it wariness? Does she already know who I am?

"We have a Raphaele Consultants listed in Meridian Corporation's records, back before I took over the company. Are you that Raphaele?" TJ shifted in her chair. The pain she usually managed to push out of her consciousness suddenly seemed concentrated into a new, burning spot in her back and she was having trouble suppressing it. Gods, let me get this woman out of here in a hurry. I need to lie down.

"Yes, I am. But I'm not here on business. Well not exactly, I'm looking for my son." TJ raised her eyebrows at that. "He ran away from home and I thought he might be here."

TJ picked a pencil out of the caddy and started twirling it between her fingers. "And he’d be here because…?"

"I found your picture in his desk," Gloria explained as she put her bag on the floor next to the chair.

"Mrs. Raphaele, teenagers don't usually go running off to meet someone just because they have a picture of that person." TJ started tapping the pencil against the desktop. "I thought you said this concerned… my father." The pain sent fingers of flame out from the central fire, torching her shoulders.

"It does." Gloria sat up straighter and lifted her chin. "Your father and I lived together for fourteen years. Up until his death."

"Excuse me?" Eyes like blue steel glared at Gloria, daring her to speak those words again.

But Gloria sat silent, watching as the jaw clenched and the lip curled, knowing that to feed that fury would mean its unleashing. Silence worked with your father's anger; let's see if it works with yours.

TJ trembled with the double struggle to control her temper and her pain. Anger tore the words from lips pulled tight against locked teeth. "Are you telling me you were his mistress?" She snorted in ridicule. "You and what ten other women?"

"That's not true. Your father was a powerful man with strong appetites. He needed love and companionship and he found them with me. He wasn't promiscuous."

Sarcasm dripped from TJ's voice. "I’ll bet my mother would have found that comforting. Is this where you tell me that the bastard really loved you?"

Gloria blinked and her face paled at the hatred burning in TJ's eyes. She reached into her pocketbook and brought out an envelope full of photos. She pulled several out and spread them across the desk. Each was a picture of TJ's father in a pose with Gloria, taken at various times through the years. In a couple of scenes they were hugging or kissing and others showed them beaming and obviously happy together.

"Very pretty," grated TJ, roughly pushing the photos back across the desk. Undaunted, Gloria laid out several more pictures with three people in them: Tom, Gloria and their son Tommy.

"This is my son Tom, your half brother." Then she put down one that showed father and son with their arms across each other's shoulders. The look of pride and love on big Tom's face was unmistakable.

The pain in TJ's back had worked up to her neck and into her head but now she was overcome with a different pain. This pain, formed from lost opportunities, shattered love and yearning, clutched her heart. She reached out with her arm and violently swept the pictures off of the desk. You pig! Why him and not me?

Gloria had seen big Tom's anger, but she had never seen hatred with it. TJ's vehemence made Gloria's hands shake but she had too much mettle to back off. The woman hadn't hit her… yet. She took out one last picture--Tommy's graduation picture. Next to it, Gloria laid Tommy's birth certificate.

TJ's chest was heaving, but almost against her will her eyes fell on the picture and halted there, mesmerized. It showed a handsome youth, full face, smiling, his gleaming blue eyes full of hope and promise.

TJ's breathing gradually eased. She would have investigators check out every bit of Mrs. Raphaele's story, but after seeing the picture there was no question in her mind about Tom. He was her brother… without a doubt.

She couldn’t bring herself to hate the boy, though she did resent his presence in her father’s life. For years she had craved one tiny gesture of love from her father, a gesture that never came. That still hurt, even though she hated him. And here was this boy receiving the love she had been so viciously denied. That hurt, too. She laid her fingers at the base of the picture and leaned forward, looking into his eyes. "I'll bet he never laid a hand on you," she rasped quietly, her hand stroking the picture of the boy in front of her, oblivious to Gloria's presence.

Gloria's eyes widened as TJ's meaning sank in. "Did your father beat you?" she whispered incredulously.

Haunted blue eyes lifted from the photo and tore at Gloria's soul. An ugly twist marred the sculpted lips. Let's let her see what a wonderful man dear old Dad was. TJ laid her arm down in front of Gloria and pulled up her sleeve, revealing the scars.

Gloria gasped and touched them with her fingers, making TJ's arm jump. The woman kept her fingers where they were, outlining one of the crescent-shaped scars. "What did he hit you with?" she inquired as if in a dream.

"His belt buckle," TJ responded. She might as well hear it all. "He left seven of these marks down my back. Your perfect gentleman and partner was anything but that, to his family here."

Gloria shook her head in puzzlement. "But why?" Her eyes fell further down TJ's arm to her wrist. She had seen several such scars from suicide attempts in her work at the hospital. Her fingers stroked across the familiar scar and she looked up, meeting the tortured blue expression. They gazed at each other silently for a long moment. Then TJ opened Gloria's heart by lifting an eyebrow and quirking a sad smile at her.

"But why?" TJ finally echoed and shrugged. "Because I wasn’t the son he had always wanted."

"But he had a son. He had Lance, and he had Tom," Gloria disputed.

"But I was the first, and even you must understand how important it was for my father to be first." TJ pushed herself back from the table, taking the photos with her. She wheeled around the table and handed the photos back to Gloria. "Your son's not here."

TJ fled the office, not even considering she’d left almost a total stranger sitting there. Wheeling through the house to the kitchen, she picked up the phone and tapped in the ranch manager's number. "Bill, send one of the hands to the barn to saddle Flag." She listened to the foreman for a few seconds before interrupting him. "I don’t care what you think is wise, Bill, just get Flag saddled." She slammed the phone down on the kitchen island and pushed her way though the outside door.

Gloria was a little stunned to see TJ leave so abruptly. She was also a little shocked to see TJ in a wheelchair. She’d heard about the mugging, the death of Lance and TJ’s injury, but she hadn’t fully appreciated what that meant for the beautiful young woman who had been sitting before her.

She was at a loss now. She had known that coming to see TJ wasn’t the most sensible thing she had ever done; that telling the powerful woman that her father had a mistress and son for sixteen-plus years wasn’t exactly going to be welcome news. She hadn’t reckoned on finding out that Thomas Meridian, the man she had loved, thought nothing of beating his daughter with his belt buckle. Gloria sighed, picked up her bag and put the photos inside. Rising, she took a quick look around the office then walked out, closing the door behind her.

TJ wheeled herself into the barn just as Mark, the ranch hand Bill had sent, guided Flag out of her stall. Mark glanced over and smiled at TJ, not noticing her troubled mood.

"'Afternoon, Miss Meridian. Flag is looking good today. I thought that Tom had taken her out earlier," he remarked as he lifted the saddle onto the palomino's back.

"He did. Now I’m taking Flag out," replied TJ.

Mark paused, his hands stilling as he tightened the cinch. "Er… do you think that's a good idea? The doc said that you weren’t going to be able to ride for a few more months yet."

"I don’t care what anybody else has said. I said that I’m taking Flag out for a ride." TJ wheeled herself over to the mounting ramp that had been installed for her.

"But…"

"Mark, please don’t question me. That isn’t what I pay you for. Just finish saddling Flag and then give me a hand."

Mark hung his head. Ah crap, the doc is going to kill me for letting her go out. "Okay, Miss Meridian."

Chapter 19

Mare swung her truck into the long driveway of the Meridian ranch; she had been hard at work all morning in Sharlesburg. Just after lunch the elderly Dr. DiNicola had returned to the clinic, his afternoon meeting having been cancelled. Mare offered to stay and work out the afternoon but the smiling doc had shooed her away, telling her to get back to TJ. Mare grinned and gave him a big hug, then bolted from the office. Unfortunately, traffic on the way back from Sharlesburg was horrendous and it took her over an hour to get back. Still, if she could sweet-talk TJ out of her office they would have the better half of the afternoon to goof off.

She frowned at the unfamiliar car coming down the drive toward her. Funny, TJ didn’t mention she was expecting anybody today. As the car approached, she slowed the truck to a stop and leaned out of the window. The car pulled up alongside and stopped. "Hi," said Mare cheerily as she looked down into the car. "Can I help..." she began, then stopped as she registered who was in the car. Uh oh, what is she doing here? "Mrs. Raphaele?"

Gloria pulled up when the truck coming toward her stopped. She was surprised that the young blonde in the truck addressed her by name. "Yes, I’m Mrs. Raphaele." As she replied, she was intrigued by the changing looks on the woman’s face. At first there had been shock, then consternation and now fear.

"You haven’t been up to the house, have you?" Stupid question, Mare. Where else would she have been driving along this road? It isn’t as if it leads anywhere else, now, is it? I guess I could hope that she wasn't here to see Tom.

"As a matter of fact I have. I’ve just been to see Miss Meridian." The young woman’s face shifted again. Her eyes closed and her head fell forward onto the steering wheel.

"I don’t suppose…" Mare took a deep breath then lifted her head toward Gloria, "you didn’t tell her who you are, did you?"

"May I ask who you are? And what this information has to do with you?" Gloria responded.

"I’m Mare Gillespie, a friend of Miss Meridian's, and I live up at the ranch." Mare thought for a few seconds. "Look, I know this is kind of a weird request but I need to talk to you. Would you mind coming back up to the house with me?"

"Miss Gillespie, I came here looking for my son. Miss Meridian has already told me that he isn’t here. Now unless you can tell me differently, I don’t think that my presence here is wanted by Miss Meridian."

"Please, I know this is hard for you." And for TJ. "But I can help you find your son. Please come talk with me."

She knows something about Tommy? I have no choice but to hear what she has to say. "Ok, I’ll come back up to the house."

"Thank you, Mrs. Raphaele; I’ll wait until you turn around."

Once Mrs. Raphaele had turned around, Mare started the drive up to the house. With her right hand she rummaged in her bag and pulled out her phone. Hitting one of her quick-dial buttons, she waited until the ringing on the other end stopped and Paula’s voice came online.

"Paula, it's Mare. We have a problem. Think of your worst possible nightmare coming true and this will beat it. Guess who turned up at the ranch and saw TJ?"

Paula put down the file she was holding and sat heavily in the desk chair that was behind her, listening intently to Mare on the other end of the phone. Her eyes closed and her spare hand lifted to rub her forehead, forewarning of the headache that was sure to be brewing. "Yes, I understand, Mare. Yes, not right this minute, but I’ll get her and we’ll head back right now." She looked up as a noise at the door caught her attention.

Erin stood at the door with two mugs in her hands and frowned at her partner. Why do I not like the look on Paula’s face? And why do I get the feeling something really bad is about to happen? Paula put the phone down and waved her partner in. "We have a big problem. Mrs. Raphaele turned up at the ranch looking for Tom."

The mugs slipped from Erin’s hands, crashing to the floor. "Shit."

********************

Mare opened the kitchen door and let Gloria in before her. She discarded her bag on the side and walked into the living room with Gloria close behind her. "TJ! TJ! Where are you?"

"She left," stated Gloria, catching Mare’s attention. "She left the house before I did. Gave me back the pictures I’d shown her of Tom, saying he wasn’t here, then left."

Mare felt the rising panic in her stomach. News like this wasn’t something that TJ would react well to. And when she doesn’t react well she tends to do something stupid. "Hell, where would she have gone?" she said abstractedly, trying to get her brain thinking the way TJ's would be at this moment, forgetting that Gloria was still with her. "The barn; she will have gone to the barn." Mare turned around and nearly walked into Gloria.

"Sorry," Mare said, awakening to Gloria's presence. "I’m a little worried about TJ, she’s had a pretty rough time over the last couple of months." Mare returned to the kitchen, with Gloria still following.

"I appreciate your concern for your friend, Miss Gillespie, but could you please tell me what this has to do with my son?"

"Please, take a seat. I will explain what is going on as soon as Erin and Paula get here. They are TJ’s associates and they run the ranch and the packing plant that the Meridian Corporation owns here. I phoned them from the truck on the way up the drive. It will take them about twenty minutes to get here from the plant. In the meantime, I really need to find out where TJ has disappeared to."

Gloria could see that the woman standing before her was genuine, not only in her desire to help her, but also in worry for her friend. I've come a long way for information about Tom; a few more minutes won't hurt. "Okay, I’ll wait." she replied taking a seat by the island.

"Thank you. I do appreciate your patience." Mare smiled at the woman, then walked across to the phone. She tapped out the number for Bill’s office and waited for a reply. "Hi, Bill, it’s Mare. I just got back to the ranch and TJ isn’t around. Have you or any of the hands seen her today?" She was quiet as she listened to Bill on the other end of the phone. "Has Mark come back up yet? No, no, that’s okay. I’ll call the barn. Thanks, Bill."

Cutting the phone off, she hit the number for the barn. She was waiting none too patiently for an answer when the new pickup truck pulled up outside. Two familiar figures came rushing through the door. Mare’s eyebrow lifted. "That was a quick twenty minutes."

"So I broke a few speed limits," confessed Erin. "That truck can move!" Paula stood next to her lover, looking at the attractive woman sitting in the kitchen.

Mare followed Paula’s gaze. "Paula, Erin, this is Gloria Raphaele, Tom’s mother. Mrs. Raphaele, Paula and Erin. TJ’s friends." Her attention turned as the phone was answered. "Mark? It’s Mare up at the house. Have you seen Miss Meridian today?"

Paula took a further step into the kitchen and held her hand out to Gloria. "Mrs. Raphaele, good to meet you." The older woman took the offered hand. "Sorry we have to meet under such circumstances."

Erin walked up to her partner, her attention still on Mare and her phone conversation. "Hi," she said absently to Gloria.

Gloria studied the two women before speaking. From their body language it was obvious that the women were together. "Can you tell me about my son?"

"We do have some information…" Paula stopped as she heard Mare shout.

"She did what!?" Mare’s face looked thunderous. Erin left Paula’s side and walked over, resting her hand on Mare's arm to calm the agitation she could see building in the small frame. Erin winced as the vet slammed the phone down.

Mare looked at Erin, then Paula. "You will never guess what that pig-headed, stubborn woman has gone and done." She didn’t give anybody time to reply. "She has only gone and taken Flag out for a ride. That woman is going to drive me crazy! Doesn’t she listen to anybody? The way she’s going she’ll end up back in the hospital. I’m going to take the pickup truck and go find her." Mare picked up the cell phone and strode toward the door, her hand out for the truck keys.

Erin looked over to Paula who nodded her head. "I’ll come with you. Someone will need to ride Flag back." Digging the keys out of her pocket, she followed Mare out.

The kitchen was quiet for several seconds after the girls had left. Paula sighed and looked over at Gloria. "Can I get you something to drink? Then I’ll fill you in on what’s been happening here."

********************

Mare slammed the truck door and jammed the keys into the ignition. She ground the gears until she’d selected first, released the emergency brake and started to move off, barely giving Erin a chance to jump into the passenger seat.

"Pigheaded idiot. I swear I’m gonna..." Mare pressed the accelerator down and sped out of the back of the ranch parking lot, up toward the open plains. "I don’t know what I’m going to do but I’m sure I’ll think of something," Mare continued her tirade.

Erin watched Mare as she drove up the track and shoved the stick into second gear. She reached over and placed her hand on Mare’s, which rested on the gear stick. "Mare, we need to be careful what we say to TJ. She’s had a big shock today."

Mare glanced over at Erin, taking her eyes off the bouncing track for a few seconds. "I know. Why do you think I’m ranting now? I’m hoping that by time we find her I’ll have worked out the urge to yell at her, and be able to help her."

Erin squeezed her hand tightly. "I’m sure that just your presence will help, Mare. I have a question though."

"What’s that?" Mare asked, thrusting the gearshift into high.

"Are you going to tell her that we knew she had a brother? That we knew her father had been cheating on her mother for all those years?"

"I’m not sure. I’ll see how bad she is first, but we will have to tell her at some point. And she isn’t going to be happy that we kept it from her."

Erin looked out of the window, staring at the passing trees and the last of the ranch outbuildings. Before them stretched the wide-open grass plains that made up the majority of the ranch holdings. "No, she isn’t going to be happy with us at all, is she? Oh, god. Why isn’t anything simple anymore? Every time we get ourselves onto an even keel, something comes along to rock us."

"Yep, we sure haven’t had an easy time of it this year, have we. But think of it this way: we still have many roads to travel along, and at least one of them has to be better than this."

Mare's eyes swept the horizon and she shook her head. "Now where would TJ have gone? I think the lake is a little too far; I doubt she’d make it there."

"I wouldn’t put it past her to get anywhere; but I think you’re right. I don’t think she’ll have gone there," replied Erin. "Try going up to the small ridge line, the one over toward the main road. There are a few trees up there where she could get out of the sun and it's a pretty good view. She rode up there occasionally when we first moved back to the ranch."

"Okay." Mare swung the truck off the track and went cross-country, heading toward the main road.

********************

Paula felt awkward as she placed the glass of iced tea in front of Tom’s mother. Considering the upheaval going on around her, the woman had been entirely too accommodating and accepting. Paula had the uncomfortable feeling that the hammer would be falling on her. "So, what makes you think Tom is here at the ranch?"

Gloria took hold of the chilled drink and looked up at Paula. "Because I found TJ’s picture in his room and he’d been asking about her a lot. He is here, isn’t he?"

Paula sat on the stool opposite. "Yes, he is here, he turned up at the door six or seven weeks ago, looking for a job. Mare recognized him right away. Since then, he’s been working around the ranch, but TJ doesn’t know who he is. I’m not sure that you're aware of it, but we were all involved in an accident several months ago. TJ has been out of the hospital for only a few weeks. We decided not to tell her about Tom."

Relief flooded through Gloria that at least her son was safe. "I need to see my son," she insisted.

"Not a problem. I think he’s out with a couple of the ranch hands seeing to the cattle up by the lake. They are due back this evening. You are welcome to wait here until he gets back."

"How did Miss Gillespie know who Tom was when he turned up?" Gloria was curious. TJ had known nothing about what Gloria was telling her earlier in her office, yet her friend knew who Tom was when he appeared at the door.

Paula sat for a few moments considering her answer. How is this woman going to react when I tell her we had her and her son investigated? "We were clearing out TJ’s father's desk. Mare found a hidden drawer. Inside were photos of you and Tom, a copy of his birth certificate and papers dealing with transfers of money and shares to you. We had you investigated; in fact we received the report from the investigators just before Tom arrived."

"That still doesn’t tell me why you allowed a boy who is still considered a minor to remain here, without informing someone of his whereabouts." It was the first trace of anger that Gloria had shown but she felt justified. After all for the past month she had been worried sick about her son. She couldn’t hold TJ responsible for the silence, but these three women who considered themselves her friends could be held responsible.

That rocked Paula slightly. They hadn’t fully considered the legal implications of allowing Tom to remain here, or the fact that his mother would be frantic about him. Rather selfishly, all they really thought about was the impact his presence would have on TJ. Paula remained silent as Gloria continued.

"I could report you all to the authorities. I’m sure they’d frown upon such irresponsible behavior."

"Are you going to?"

Gloria sighed again, putting her hands flat on the island top. "No, I’m not. You seem like nice people and, from what I’ve seen of the ranch so far, Tom will be having the time of his life. I don’t know what Tom has told you about our relationship, but, like his father, he decides something and rarely considers the people involved."

Paula nodded and took a sip of her tea. "Tom said that you wanted him to go away to college, that he had been at boarding schools all his life and that he wanted to get out of that and into the real world for once."

Gloria smiled. That sounded like Tom, always putting a sympathetic slant on a situation. "Did he tell you that I said it would be okay, if he would promise to start at Harvard in the spring semester?

"No, he neglected to mention that."

"I’m not surprised. He wouldn’t have wanted to risk your sending him home. You have to remember, Paula, that Tom is only sixteen. Although he acts like an adult he is still only a child; sometimes a spoiled one at that. He has always wanted to meet his sister and before Lance died he wanted to meet him as well. He has always known that his father and I weren’t married and that meant that he wouldn’t be able to have a normal relationship with his siblings. But he is headstrong, and once he had decided that he wanted to see TJ there was nothing I, or anyone, could have done to stop him."

And who does that sound like? Paula smiled at Gloria. "He is a great young man. You should be proud of him. He has fit in very well at the ranch, and he is well liked by all of the men. Although TJ doesn’t know who he is, she likes him. She's even allowed him to ride her horse, Flag, while she’s been unable to. And she's really particular about who rides Flag."

They sat in a comfortable silence, each immersed in her own thoughts, the ticking of the kitchen clock the only sound disturbing the peace. Gloria studied her surroundings; the kitchen was big and airy with an island set into the center of one end and a large, solid oak table and chairs at the other end, with the outside door between them. Its bright décor enhanced the spacious feeling. Personal touches were scattered around: character mugs hanging from the mug tree, magnets attached to the fridge, even the post-its were of the cartoon variety.

Obviously the kitchen was a popular and well-loved area of the ranch house. The house itself wasn't the cold, loveless shell that Thomas Meridian had frequently described. It had a warm, caring feeling to it, and Gloria wondered how much of that was due to the woman seated before her, and the other two who were out searching for TJ.

********************

The sun was warm, a delicate breeze ruffled her hair and TJ was in heaven. She was out of her room, her office, the house; for the first time since their accident she was free and by herself. The anger that had begun to boil while facing her father's mistress drained away quickly once she left the confines of the barn.

She’d been as sensible as she knew how to be on Flag. She hadn’t gone galloping hell for leather over the fields, but settled to a canter. Her back caused her some distress as she started out, but the joy of not being confined to the house outweighed it. She wanted to go out towards the lake, where she and Mare had shared some wonderful moments, but it was a long ride. Knowing that she already would be in deep trouble with everybody, she settled for a ride through the fields nearer to the house. She had her phone with her. It wasn’t turned on, but she could call for help if she needed it.

Her ride had done her good. Not only did it give her time to calm down and get rid of the aggression that had built up, but also it gave her time to think. So my father had another family that he actually cared for and loved. Does that change my opinion of him? Not in the least; because if he had really cared for them he would have divorced my mother and left. The only reason not to have left us was money, so that still means he was just as much of a bastard as I thought he was, if not more.

I have a brother I didn’t know about. I can’t even begin to describe what I feel about that. He probably isn’t anything like Lance, but it might be good to get to know him. And despite the fact that she loved my father Gloria seems to be a nice enough person. I shouldn’t have left like I did. I bet she’s wondering what type of madwoman I am.

With a tug on the reins, TJ turned Flag up a small path to the top of a rise that would give her a better view of her holdings. She liked this area and when she had first returned to the ranch she came riding out this way on most days. Before the accident, though, most of her longer rides had been with Mare up to the lake, or out to see Mare when she was tending to the cattle.

The place wasn’t as isolated as it felt; the main road into town was just a few minutes away and there were several tracks that led into and out of this part. Still, it was beautiful. Even when her father had worked the ranch, this section hadn’t been used extensively. Most of it was prairie, with streams and stands of trees scattered sparsely throughout the area.

She had been out for nearly an hour now and really ought to be getting back to the house. The girls would be home shortly and Mare would be back not long after, but she was enjoying herself too much. Smiling, she leaned forward and slapped Flag's neck, feeling the well-groomed hair beneath her fingers. With a quick flick of the reins, TJ moved Flag back toward the ranch house.

********************

Mare gunned the engine of the truck up the hill in front of her with Erin holding on tightly as they crested the top.

"There she is." Erin pointed across Mare and out of her window.

Mare glanced out and then altered the direction of the truck toward TJ and Flag. I’m not going to yell at her. I’m going to be calm about it. Yes, I know she hasn’t shown the best judgment, but she has had a major shock. And don’t forget that when she finds out that we already knew about the Raphaeles, she is going to be more than a little upset. Mare slowed the truck as she drew nearer her lover. "Will you wait here, please, Erin? I think I might get further if I’m alone with her."

"No problem, Mare. Just give me a call when you want me."

TJ pulled Flag up, as the truck appeared over the hill. I guess it's finally time to face the music over this little excursion. Wonder who Bill found to come looking for me? At least Mare is in Sharlesburg today; don’t know whether I could handle her being mad at me now that we are back on good terms.

She waited, unconsciously pulling herself taller and settling her face into a mask as the truck got nearer. She could make out two people sitting in the vehicle and slowly recognized the features of Mare and Erin. The confidence she had felt moments before, at not having to face her partner, fled rapidly, curling her stomach into a tight knot. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment on Mare's face or the anger that she knew would be there with it.

Mare stopped the truck, opened her door and slammed it closed, noticing the visible flinch it elicited in TJ. Christ, she looks like a two-year-old kid waiting for the sky to come falling down on her. But we are going to be sensible about this, aren’t we, Mare? No yelling, no screaming, just lots and lots of support.

"Hi there… good ride?" asked Mare without a hint of condescension, or anger.

TJ sat stock still, then slowly opened her eyes at Mare’s loving tones. "Aren’t you mad at me?" she asked, ignoring Mare’s question--totally puzzled at her lover's reaction.

Mare relaxed at TJ’s question. Well, at least I’m not going to get the silent treatment. "Hmm, am I mad at you? I could be, but then I wouldn’t be very understanding of your reasons for going against all the rules Dad told you about riding, would I?" she gently chided, a smile growing on her face. Mare walked up to Flag and slung her arm under her neck so that she could pat the loyal steed. "Hi, girl. Did you enjoy having your mom take you out?" she queried the horse, who nudged at her shoulder lovingly in reply.

"That doesn’t really answer my question," said TJ, not actually wanting to know the answer. But if Mare were angry at her, it would be better to face it now rather than later.

Mare turned her attention from Flag and smiled again at TJ. "I’m a little upset, but, no, I’m not mad at you. I met Mrs. Raphaele as I drove up the drive to the house."

TJ frowned then asked, "Did she tell you who she was?" Mare nodded. "Did she tell you I have a brother? That my father had another family? A family that by all accounts he loved?"

Mare lifted her hand and squeezed TJ’s leg even though she knew her lover couldn’t feel it. "Yes, she told me all of that," said Mare, quickly coming to a decision, "but she didn’t have to… I already knew it."

"What?" TJ felt a sudden thudding in her chest. Now she was totally confused. First at Mare’s rather benign attitude to her riding Flag, then to the statement that Mare already knew what Gloria Raphaele was going to say to her.

Mare sighed. "Why don’t you let Erin and me get you off of Flag? Then we can drive back to the ranch and I can explain everything to you on the way. Erin will ride Flag back for you."

TJ didn’t want to wait for an explanation, but she knew she couldn’t make an issue of it since Mare was being so reasonable about her riding Flag. "Sure, I can do that."

Mare took hold of Flag's bridle and led the horse over to the truck. Jumping out of the passenger side, Erin lowered the tailgate and climbed into the open back. While Mare tied Flag off and began to undo the straps that secured TJ’s legs, Erin tackled the others. Once they were loose, Erin carefully pulled TJ’s far leg over Flag's withers and lifted her friend from the horse's back.

"Cat got your tongue, Erin?" TJ asked dryly.

How did I know she wouldn't ignore my part in this? Erin grimaced. "Can't lift you and talk, too," she grunted. A slight quirk of TJ's mouth surprised Erin. Looks like she's happy that I'm straining my gut. Erin held her friend steady as Mare quickly moved around to help her.

For all the strain and shock that TJ had experienced today, she looked remarkably calm. Erin attributed that to the presence of the vet. Previously, had something like this happened, TJ would have been in a rage, abusing anybody who came within firing range. She and Paula would have stayed on the sidelines, waiting for exhaustion to overcome their friend, before attempting to deal with whatever had upset her.

Now, though, since TJ had seen Mare handle her disobedience of doctor’s orders in a calm and understanding manner, she seemed to sense that anything less from herself would have been childish in the extreme. Had Mare plowed in with all guns blazing, TJ probably would have done the same. Erin let a small smile play on her lips as Mare clambered up next to her and helped her rest TJ on the floor of the truck. "Thanks, Mare," she said as she jumped back to the ground. "You ready?" she asked, looking at TJ.

"Yep," replied TJ. Erin once again scooped her friend into her arms and carried her around to the side door. "Are you Mare's right-hand girl now, Erin? In cahoots with my big, bad rescuer?" TJ put her lips up to Erin's ear and whispered.

"We're only trying to help you, TJ," Erin muttered with a little asperity. She stopped for a moment and swung her head to lock her gaze onto intense blue eyes just inches from her own. Her heart faltered at the betrayed look meeting hers, then wrenched as betrayal turned to resignation.

Pulling her eyes away, she placed TJ into the passenger seat and closed the door gently after her. She walked to the back of the truck where Mare had just finished untying the palomino. "Okay, Mare, I’ll see to Flag and meet you guys back at the ranch."

"I told her that I knew about the Raphaeles before Gloria appeared," Mare responded quietly. "I’m going to tell her the rest on the way back. If you cut cross-country you can make it back before us. You had better warn Paula and Mrs. Raphaele before I bring her back; she might be in a bit of a mood."

Erin looked at the woman before her, who had not so long ago walked into all their lives and changed it for the better. Impulsively Erin pulled Mare into a hug. "I think she's working on one, now. You sure you're going to be okay with her?"

"Yeah, I’ll be fine. She might blow her temper but she won’t do anything I can’t handle. We’ll be home soon."

Erin released the hug and held Mare at arm's length. "You know, you really have made a change in TJ. Had this happened before you came, I’m not sure how she would have reacted but it wouldn’t have been pretty. Now she knows she has you to lean on, and no matter how nasty she gets, or how loud she shouts, you’ll still be by her side. I think that's making a big difference now."

"I hope so, because she is taking this way too calmly right now."

"I think she is just taking a leaf out of your book. She sees you all nice and calm and figures she had better act like a grown-up as well. At least I hope that's the case. You had better get on your way. I’ll meet you at the house."

Erin mounted Flag and turned to head out across the fields, while Mare jumped back into the truck next to TJ. She started the vehicle and pushed it into gear, slowly turning it and driving back toward the track.

"So," said TJ, looking at her hands while her fingers nervously flicked at her cuticles, wishing she had her usual pencil to tap.

Mare glanced over at her. "So?"

"Yeah, so. As in, so are you going to tell me how you knew I had a brother? Or how you found out about the Raphaeles?"

Mare paused for a second, wondering where to start, her eyes back on the track. "We found out about the Raphaeles when we started cleaning out your father’s office."

"We? Paula and Erin knew about this and didn’t tell me either?" TJ’s voice had taken on a harder tone.

Ah, now she’s going to get riled. Maybe telling her wasn’t such a good idea. "We were all together when the papers were found, yeah," replied Mare.

"And you were planning on telling me… when?"

"We would have given you the report as soon as it arrived, had it not been for the accident."

"What report would that be?"

"Look. I know you want all the information right away, but why not let me start at the beginning and tell you what happened?" Mare looked over, waiting for TJ’s consent. "Okay, then," she said, seeing her nod. "As we were sorting through your father's desk that first day, Erin noticed that one of the drawers was too short for the space it occupied. When I checked I discovered another drawer, a secret one, behind it. We found pictures, a birth certificate, and paperwork relating to funds and stock that your father had transferred to Raphaele Consultants. That's how we learned that the family existed. We knew you were pretty upset at the time, and we wanted to get all the facts before we told you what we found. So Erin got in contact with one of the agencies your corporation uses and asked them to do a background check on the Raphaeles for us."

TJ had lifted her eyes from her hands to gaze out of the window at the passing trees and fields. Her right hand rose and rubbed at her temple; she could feel the first stirrings of a headache. "When did the report arrive?"

"A few days after your operation…"

"Mare, my operation was nearly three months ago," interrupted TJ. "I could maybe understand your not telling me right away after the operation, but after three months you still hadn’t told me?"

"I know it looks bad, TJ, but you didn’t need another blow to your system at the time." Mare slowed the truck to a stop and looked at her partner's angry face.

"Then, maybe, but now? You think it was better for me to find out from my father's mistress that I had a brother? You think that was easy for me?"

"No…"

"Don’t you think I might have appreciated finding out about him from my friends? Rather than have his mother accusing me of hiding him at the ranch? Hell, he can’t be more than a teenager…"

"He’s sixteen," interjected Mare.

"Fine, sixteen. If he were at the ranch do you have any idea how much trouble I could be in for harboring a runaway minor? We already have one kid working for us and Paula still hasn’t had confirmation of permission from his parents."

TJ looked over at Mare, catching a quickly hidden, guilty look. "What?" she said, barely below a yell, her temper getting to the boiling point. She looked harder at Mare who was wishing she were anywhere but in the truck right that minute.

Oh, hell, she is really going to blow when she works this out. "Promise me you won’t do anything…"

"About what?" Agitation showed in her face as her mind tried to work out what Mare was trying to avoid telling her. "For crying out loud, Mare, what the hell is going on?"

Mare closed her eyes and pulled on the parking brake. "We didn’t know what to do when he turned up on the…"

TJ was staring anxiously at Mare, studying her lover's face. As soon as she started talking, TJ knew where her words were leading; her face said it all. "Oh no, Mare, please don’t say what I think you’re going to say."

"We couldn’t turn him away, TJ. He had obviously come looking for you." Mare sent a pleading look for understanding across the cab of the truck. "At least, if he was with us, we knew he wasn’t in any danger."

"Didn’t it occur to you that his mother might come looking for him? I could be looking at a lawsuit. Better yet, she might decide to report this to the police and I could be looking at charges of kidnap," yelled TJ.

"TJ, please…" Mare reached out a hand to TJ but the irate woman flinched away from her touch. Please, love, just calm down, her thoughts begged.

"Don’t 'please, TJ,' me!" roared the dark-haired woman, purposely slamming her arm into the side window.

Mare jumped at the impact of TJ’s arm against the glass. The vet had seen TJ angry before, but had never really been in this type of situation without Erin or Paula nearby. Talking to her didn’t seem to be an option; she was way beyond being calmed down. Mare was reluctant to approach her physically, for fear that TJ would hit out in her anger. Deciding that silence was the best option, Mare took the brake off and started toward the ranch again.

Chapter 20

Erin headed out at a canter, then spurred Flag on to a gallop in her desire to get back to the ranch before Mare and TJ returned. Even though Mare's presence had calmed the brewing storm, Erin had learned from past experience that TJ's mood could deteriorate quickly, sending the dark-haired woman into raging anger. She hoped that Mare's influence would continue to circumvent that, but who knew for sure how long the peace would last?

Erin breathed a sigh of relief when the ranch house came into view with no sign of the truck. She guided Flag into the barn and asked Mark to take care of the palomino. Sprinting to the house, she rushed inside.

Paula and Mrs. Raphaele looked up from their places at the table as Erin closed the door and briefly leaned against it.

Paula rose, her expression worried. "Is TJ all right?" She got a glass from the cupboard, set it on the table, and poured more iced tea for all three of them. Then she sank back into her seat.

"She seems to be fine, Paula. She was pretty calm… and, frankly, that has me a little worried."

Gloria's eyebrows lifted. Erin walked toward her with her hand extended. "Mrs. Raphaele, I apologize for practically ignoring you earlier. My mind was more on TJ's well-being than on your search for your son." She shook Gloria's hand. "I assume that Paula has been explaining Tom's situation here, and I will add what I can to the explanation. First, though, we have to get TJ settled."

Gloria nodded as Erin released her grip. "Please, call me Gloria. I understand that you need to see to Miss Meridian's needs first. Besides, Paula told me that Tom won't be in until later today."

"And I invited Gloria to wait here with us," Paula added.

Erin chose a seat at the end of the table with Paula to her left and Gloria to her right, facing each other. She took a long drink of tea, then rubbed her palm across her face. Paula recognized her partner's tension and patted her forearm. "You say you're worried about TJ's calmness. Did Mare confront her about disobeying Michael's orders?"

"We found TJ out on that low ridge where she likes to ride Flag. All the way out there in the truck, Mare ranted and raved. I'll tell you that little vet has a temper when she lets it fly. But by the time we got there, she had reined it in and she talked to TJ as sweet as you please." Erin grinned. "TJ didn't stand a chance. You know what effect Mare has on her."

Then the grin faded. "What I'm worried about is what will happen as they drive here, and when they arrive. Who knows if they both will be able to keep their cool? TJ's like a coiled spring: the tighter she holds something in, the higher it bounces when she lets loose. Not that I could blame her. She's had a real shock and a lot of that is our fault… all three of us."

"Yeah," Paula agreed flatly. "We deserve to be yelled at."

Gloria pursed her lips and couldn't refrain from nodding. At Erin's surprised look, Paula interjected, "I've filled Gloria in on what has happened from square one. Right from our discovery of the secret drawer up to the present, including the investigation."

Paula squirmed in her seat. "I explained how we have been trying to protect TJ from any emotional upsets, but looking at this particular situation through another person's eyes, our actions seem pretty unjustified." She clasped her glass of tea in overlapping hands, swirled it around and stared into it, as though a solution could be found in its eddying brown depths. For a prolonged moment, only the clink of ice marred the silence.

Erin lightly touched a fist against Paula's biceps. "Hey, we'll be okay."

Paula kept her eyes on her glass and smiled grimly. "It's not us I'm worried about; it's TJ."

Erin frowned and nodded her agreement. "We'll just have to count on Mare for damage control."

Gloria watched the byplay between the two, touched by the sincerity of their concern. "Please tell me more about TJ. She's my son's sister. I've read everything the newspapers have had to say over the years, but I would like to hear about her from her friends."

Paula sighed and looked at Erin. "You start, okay?"

Erin nodded. "I'll have to give you an abbreviated version. They should be here any minute. We all met in college…"

********************

Mare kept a surreptitious eye on TJ as they bounced along the track, but there had been no more violent outbursts. She was still nervous, though; TJ had never been violent toward her before. She now knew why Paula and Erin were so insistent she keep her distance when their friend was in such a mood.

TJ gazed moodily out of the window. Her hands, lying in her lap, were in constant motion as her mind replayed the conversation she just had with Mare. Not only do they not tell me that my father was an adulterer, and that I have a brother who is alive and well, they don’t even tell me that he is on the ranch. I try very hard to follow Peter’s advice on anger management and dealing with volatile emotions, but as much progress as I make they still don’t trust me to be able to decide for myself in these matters. TJ sighed and looked over at Mare who, she could tell, was as upset as she was.

They wonder why I lose my temper and hit out when they treat me like this. Don’t they understand that, in real terms, that is the only absolute control I have over my life now? "You know what I hate most about being in a wheelchair, Mare?" TJ's grating voice made Mare's heart thump. "It’s that, no matter how good a recovery I make, everybody will still treat me as though I’m incapable of deciding for myself on personal matters that count… never mind that I run a multinational corporation. When you came into my life I was glad for the first time that the night nurse found me when I tried to kill myself. I thought you understood how I needed to have some control over the direction my life should take. But in the end you are just like everyone else: you have no idea what it is like to be me."

Mare struggled to focus as tears fell from her eyes. No, honey, I don’t have any idea what it is like. And I would give anything for you not to know, either.

********************

Paula and Erin looked up as they heard the squeal of the truck's brakes when it pulled in.

"I’ll get it," said Paula before Erin could stand to collect TJ’s wheelchair and take it out to her. She smiled at Gloria as she stood. "I won't be a minute, but please understand that TJ might not be in the best of moods."

"Don’t worry, Paula," Gloria said as the young woman walked over to the wheelchair that Erin had asked Mark to bring over from the stable. "I’m old enough to look after myself."

Yeah, but you’ve never dealt with TJ in a bad mood, have you? Erin took a sip of her drink, not saying anything.

Mare slammed the door shut, after parking the car. TJ’s comment about control had sent her thoughts straight back to Peter’s counseling session when TJ had broken down so completely. It was true then, and it was true now, that none of them really understood what it was like to be TJ. When she thought about it seriously, they were all guilty of not allowing TJ to make her own decisions on anything that could bring about emotional turmoil.

Their short trip back hadn’t settled into silence. Mare had continued to talk to TJ and, surprisingly, TJ had responded even if it was in only two-syllable words.

Mare managed a half smile as Paula appeared through the door with TJ’s wheelchair. Paula raised her eyebrow and Mare shook her head, letting her know that things were just as Erin had thought they might be. Paula wheeled the chair toward the truck while Mare opened TJ’s door. "Hi ya, boss. Enjoy your ride?" she asked as though nothing untoward was occurring.

TJ scowled at Paula as she swung herself from the truck into the chair. "Get Tom to the house," she directed, as she wheeled away from the two women. "I’ll be in my office. Call me when he gets here."

Paula glanced over at Mare. "Guess things aren’t going so well, huh?"

"Better than I expected them to," Mare replied quietly. She and Paula trailed behind TJ, toward the house. "Let's ask Erin to get Tom; she knows the ranch better than we do."

TJ wheeled through the door into the kitchen, barely sparing a glance at Erin. "Mrs. Raphaele, I think we have some things to discuss if you wouldn’t mind following me to my office."

"Would you like some tea or coffee brought in?" asked Erin before TJ could disappear out of the kitchen.

"Mrs. Raphaele?" TJ inclined her head toward the woman.

Gloria leant across to Erin who was on the receiving end of TJ’s glare. "Not for me, thank you," she said. She patted Erin’s hand reassuringly and followed TJ out.

TJ rolled herself behind her desk and waited for Gloria to settle into one of the chairs in front of it. "Mrs. Raphaele, I owe you an apology. It seems that I have very little idea about what is going on in my own home."

"Please, TJ, call me Gloria," interjected the attractive woman.

TJ recognized her own tactic of disarming your opponent with the kindness of offering your first name, but refused to be brought into the game. "I’ve had your son sent for. He should be with us soon. All I can do, I’m afraid, is offer my apologies for what has happened. If you think that this needs to go any further and you plan to bring legal charges, then I can supply you with the names of my lawyers and we can go from there."

Gloria was a little stunned at TJ’s words, not really expecting the reaction she was getting. "I’m not really sure that is necessary. Paula has explained to me what happened and I’m satisfied that you weren’t keeping Tom's presence at the ranch from me for any malicious reason."

"I wasn’t keeping his presence here from you at all; I didn’t know he was here." The bitterness in TJ’s voice made Gloria uncomfortable.

"Well, I’m sure no harm has been done intentionally," Gloria said quietly, not wanting the three women she had been speaking to earlier to be blamed too harshly for what they had done.

"It surprises me you feel that way, Mrs. Raphaele. I’d think all the worry you’ve been put through was harmful enough."

TJ turned her head toward the window and gazed out implacably, her fingers beginning to torture a rawhide decoration on the vest she was wearing.

Gloria sat silently, content that the conversation, or lack of it, be directed by the woman opposite her. For many years, portrait painting had been an avocation of Gloria's and she welcomed the diversion of scrutinizing TJ's profile. What a fascinating face, even under such trying circumstances. Or maybe, she smiled wryly, even more fascinating because of such trying circumstances.

Gloria believed that a person's character manifested itself through words and movements, but mostly through the expressions on the person's face--if one made the effort to read past superficialities. She studied the strong chin, wide cheekbones, full lips and straight nose. The clenched jaw, flared nostrils and tense body language spoke of restrained anger.

But the eyes, those magnificent Meridian eyes, conveyed a different message. Even the lowering of the perfectly arched, raven brows couldn't hide the hint of vulnerability they displayed. She's angry, yes. But she's also hurt, and something else…I think she feels betrayed. Of course she does. No matter how well meaning they were, she feels betrayed by her friends. And I walk in and dump her father's betrayal on her, too.

Gloria's face grew somber and her heart felt bruised for the woman seated across from her. She struggled to think of something positive to say to TJ… something to lighten the heavy atmosphere in the room. "I think you and Tom will like each other," she ventured tentatively.

TJ's head came slowly around and rewarded Gloria with a fleeting twitch of the lips. "We already do," came a soft murmur. "But liking someone doesn't seem to preclude…" she didn't finish the sentence aloud. Hurting them, both women completed the thought as TJ returned to her desultory gaze.

With no further conversation forthcoming, Gloria assumed that nothing more would be heard from TJ until Tom arrived. I can't wait to see him and know that he is all right!

She tried to relax, sitting back in her chair and centering her thoughts on her imminent reunion with her son.

********************

Erin lost no time in going after Tom, once Paula relayed TJ's order. Mare tossed her the truck keys as she strode out the door, her ear already against the cell phone. "Bill, TJ wants Tom right away so I'm going after him in the truck. Can you tell me the shortest route to get to him?" As Bill answered, she got the truck moving in the direction he specified.

Before hanging up, she asked Bill to call to the site and have Tom ready to leave. Grinding through the gears, she drove as quickly as conditions would allow, gathering from the expression on Mare's face that TJ would brook no delays.

As soon as the truck pulled into the work site, Tom hopped in. "Hi, Miss Scott. What's happening?" he asked breezily.

Erin backed the truck to turn around and before she changed gears to start forward, she hesitated. A half-smile stole onto her face as she looked over at Tom's jaunty grin glowing through his beard. Then the impending confrontation with TJ wiped it off of her lips.

"Your mom happened."

Tom froze for a moment, then turned his body toward Erin and leaned back against the door, his left arm reaching up to lie along the seat back. "My mom?" he asked, frowning. "Did she call back about my social security number?"

"Tom," Erin said flatly, "lay off the acting, okay? Your mom showed up at the ranch today with the whole story…" she shifted gears and floored the gas pedal, "and she told it all to TJ."

"All of it?" Tom asked.

"All of it," Erin echoed.

"How mad is my mom?" Tom inquired, his eyebrow quirking up.

He didn't seem too disturbed at being unmasked and Erin shook her head in disbelief. "Probably not as mad as she has a right to be. She's upset that you ran away, but grateful to have found you. The better question would be how mad is TJ."

This time Erin's gaze caught a questioning frown on Tom's face. "You can take off your wraparound sunglasses now. TJ knows you're her brother."

He startled Erin with a wide smile. "Hey, that's okay. I was going to tell everyone sooner or later, anyhow," he enthused, removing the glasses and sticking them in his shirt pocket.

"Tom!" Erin's stern tone shrunk his smile to a tentative one. "Aren't you even the least bit sorry?"

"I… er…" Tom shrugged and seemed genuinely puzzled. "Sorry for what?"

Erin blew out a gust of air in exasperation. "Sorry for worrying your mother half to death… sorry for lying to all of us… sorry for putting TJ is such a precarious position…"

"Precarious position?" Tom interrupted.

"You're a minor, Tom. Your mother could sue TJ to hell and back for letting you work here under false pretenses."

"But she didn't know who I was," he argued.

"No, but the rest of us did," Erin sighed heavily.

"You knew I was her brother?" Tom's voice rose to a higher register. "Why didn't you tell her?"

"I wish now that we had," Erin muttered. She threw a guilty look at Tom. "TJ just had a serious operation and she's been in a lot of severe pain. Her nerves are stretched thin as it is; we didn't want to slam her with any unpleasant news."

"You think finding out she has a brother is unpleasant news?" Tom couldn't see the sense of this. He was thrilled that he had a sibling. Why would TJ feel differently?

Erin reached over and patted Tom's knee. "Only TJ can answer that, Tom. What I would guess isn't pleasant, is finding out her father had another family."

Tom hung his head. "I never thought of that."

"Seems like there are a lot of things you never thought of, Tom," Erin upbraided him. Not that we are so innocent either. We've all hurt TJ, the one person none of us wanted to see suffer.

"But I can explain…" Tom started to say when Erin cut him off.

"We're here. Save your explanations for TJ."

A slight change in TJ's posture heralded the approach of the pickup truck, which soon pulled into the parking area and disgorged its occupants.

They entered the house and could be heard coming down the hallway from the kitchen to TJ's office. Erin led Tom in and watched as mother and son embraced, then she turned to TJ who was also watching them. "You want me for anything, TJ?"

TJ dragged her eyes from them to Erin and the blonde flinched as she saw them change from wistful to hard. "Not yet," she answered flatly. Erin sucked in her lips and left the room, her heart aching for the totally unforeseen pain TJ was experiencing. We love her so much, how easy it is to forget that her parents didn't love her. Erin recalled her own childhood… her intellectual dad teaching her to ride a bike, and coming to all her games, no matter what sport it was; and practical mom allowing her to learn to do household carpentry, electrical work and plumbing, as well as cooking and sewing. Her parents constantly hugged their children and each other, showering everyone with bounteous love.

While TJ studied, studied, studied and knew that no matter what she did, she would never measure up. No wonder she loves Flag more than she did her parents. She didn't even have real parents. She only had Lance to love her and she lost him.

Erin walked into the kitchen where Paula and Mare were seated at the table. Paula took one look at her face and just barely stood up when Erin walked right into her body and grabbed her in a fierce hug. "Hey, what's wrong, honey?" Paula asked softly in her ear as her arms twined around her partner.

"Just hug me for a minute, okay?" Erin's voice was muffled by her nearness to her partner. Paula's arms tightened and she clasped Erin to her for a long moment.

Finally, Erin loosened her hold a little and turned her head toward Mare. "First thing you do, the first chance you get, make sure you give TJ the biggest damn hug she's ever had."

Mare pulled a chair out and patted the seat. "Please, sit down and tell me about it."

Chapter 21

In the midst of welcoming her son, Gloria, too, had glimpsed the wistful look on TJ's face and filed it in her memory.

Mother and son ended their embrace and Gloria frowned at the tall young man she barely recognized. Even in the short time he had been missing, Tom had begun to fill out and his muscles were enlarging from the physical nature of ranching. His tan skin and bearded face would have fooled her, had it not been for his eyes. Gloria could see why TJ hadn't realized that the pictures she showed her were of this young man.

"Mother, I'm sorry I upset you. I was determined to meet my sister, and I just couldn't see any other way." He nodded toward TJ, but she made no acknowledgement of him.

Gloria sat back down and motioned for Tom to sit in the chair beside hers. "You could have told me you wanted to meet Miss Meridian. We could have discussed it. Instead, you dash off with no notice, no explanation and worry me to death."

"Mother, you know you wouldn't have given me permission to come here. You and Dad had an arrangement about that," Tom insisted.

"That arrangement bound me, Tom. It never was intended to bind you," his mother answered.

Tom looked startled. "You mean you would have let me come?" Then a grin lit his face. "So what's the big problem, then?"

TJ's low, throaty voice responded. "The problem is the way you went about it. You should have contacted me first and received my permission, as well as your mother's."

Tom bristled defensively and mistakenly challenged TJ. "I don't understand. I was thrilled to know that somewhere in the world I had a sister. Aren't you happy to have a brother?"

TJ set her elbows on the table, put her palms together and propped her chin on top of her fingertips. Her voice hardened. "You have pleasant memories of your father, and I wouldn't attempt to take them away from you. But the father who loved you didn't provide a loving home for me; he was a monster. So sharing your blood with his is no recommendation in my book. In fact, it could be just the opposite, and that remains to be seen."

A guarded arrogance stole over Tom's young face. "I'm no monster. Ask the men I work with, if you don't believe me."

TJ pinned him with her eyes for a long minute. "The men your father worked with knew he was a shark, but they had no idea he was a monster. He saved that for the… sanctity… of his home."

Gloria winced, knowing that the depth of the sarcasm dripping from these words testified to TJ's horrible memories. And she doesn't say 'our' father, just 'your' father.

Although Tom didn't know about the abusive history, he picked up on the emotional undercurrents, and his arrogance diminished.

"Can I stay? I'll prove to you that I'm no monster."

TJ pinned him again, until he squirmed. "You're not fired, if that's what you're asking. Whether you can stay is up to your mother, not me."

Tom turned pleading eyes on his mother. "Can I stay? Please?"

Gloria felt TJ was being more than generous, keeping the employment option open, but she didn't want Tom to get his way too easily. He needed to grasp just how his selfish conduct had affected everyone concerned. "We can speak about that privately, Tom. We've taken up enough of Miss Meridian's time. But before we leave, you owe her an apology."

"Sure… I … I'll apologize." He lifted his eyebrows, looking perplexed. "But what am I apologizing for?"

Gloria rolled her eyes in disbelief. "You lied to her, Tom. You forced her to face a situation that could be emotionally damaging and which she had no preparation for. You endangered her financial situation and her reputation by working for her as a minor without parental consent. I think those reasons will do for a start, don't you?"

Tom stood up, a flush rising slowly over his countenance, and walked to the desk. Unable to meet TJ's eyes, he stared at the desk's surface. "I've been pretty stupid. I didn't consider your side of this whole thing. I'm sorry."

He waited for an answer, but heard none. Finally, he lifted his eyes to his sister's and was jolted to see no expression in them. They looked empty and cold, sending a shiver down his spine.

TJ's voice was empty and cold, too, her words dismissive. "If your mother lets you stay, give your social security number to Miss Scott before you start back to work."

She looked at Gloria. "You are welcome to stay here until you're ready to return home, if you wish. We have plenty of room."

"Thank you, I'm grateful to accept your offer. I just arrived today and hadn't checked in anywhere," Gloria said. What a generous woman. We knock her for an emotional loop, and she offers us hospitality.

TJ buzzed and soon Erin appeared. "Erin, show Mrs. Raphaele to one of the suites upstairs and let Paula know we have a guest for supper."

Tom stood unmoving, staring toward TJ, until Gloria took his arm and, following Erin, led him from the room. He was confused. This sure isn't what I expected our meeting to be like. I thought TJ would be warm and caring. Instead, she's cold and hard. I wonder if she'll ever learn to love me like a brother?

Soon, Mare entered. Her heart dropped when she saw TJ's head bent down, resting on the heels of her hands, with her fingers threaded through her hair. She went to her lover and put an arm across her shoulders, which TJ attempted to shrug off.

But Mare wouldn't let go. "No, TJ, don't push me away. Please. I need you." She squeezed the tense shoulders. "I'm really sorry. I know it's easy to say that we never meant for you to get hurt. I wish I could go back and change how stupidly insensitive we were, but I can't." The vet moved her hand onto TJ's back, rubbing circles on it with her flat palm. "We talked it over and we all admit that we had no right making your decisions for you. We're just sorry that you had to get hurt before we learned that lesson."

TJ dropped her hands to the table and pushed her torso upright. She turned wounded eyes to Mare's and her mouth twitched down.

Mare lifted the chair arm, slid onto TJ's lap and took her in her arms, giving her the biggest hug she ever had, just as Erin had suggested. TJ held on with a death grip until Mare could feel the thudding of her lover's heart slow to an even beat. "You okay?" she murmured.

"Not really," TJ rasped, her turmoil taking a toll on her voice, "but I'll survive. I even suspect I'm getting a bit stronger at coping. Maybe all the crap that's being thrown at me is toughening me up."

They sat and held each other for a long time, then Mare realized that TJ was starting to nod off. She leaned back and lifted a hand to replace a fallen strand of black hair as blue eyes struggled to focus. "You've had a rough day, sweetheart. How about if I help you into bed then bring you some supper? We can have a nice, quiet meal together, then you can rest." She patted a tan cheek. "I might even be persuaded to feed you."

That prompted a small, tired grin. "Sounds good to me."

Mare stood and replaced the armrest, then pushed her lover to the bedroom. After a stop in the bathroom, TJ transferred to the bed and Mare helped her out of her clothes, removed the turtle shell brace and slipped a pajama T-shirt over her head.

"Mare, do you remember when I talked about life's up ramps being so steep?" TJ asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Today I think I ran into a couple of potholes."

Mare lay down beside her and gave her another giant hug.

********************

Erin showed Gloria and Tom to one of the upstairs suites. "You have a bedroom, bath and sitting room with a small kitchenette and you'll find milk, soda and bottled water in the fridge. Please make yourself at home. Supper will be at 5 o'clock, in the kitchen. We're having ham and yams tonight, one of my favorites."

"This is lovely," Gloria remarked. The rooms were decorated in an Old West motif with brown-dyed burlap furniture coverings, natural burlap curtains and woven, multicolored cotton throw rugs on hardwood floors. Even the bedspread was burlap, hand-embroidered with a western landscape in hues to match the throw rugs. Colorful oil paintings of cowboys, Indians and western scenery hung on the beige walls. "Please thank Miss Meridian, again, for us," she said to Erin as the curly-haired blonde nodded and left.

Gloria sat on the couch and Tom picked the easy chair next to it.

"Tom…" Gloria sighed. "I hardly know where to start." She raised her hands then let them fall helplessly into her lap.

Tom tilted his chin up, a pose that hinted at arrogance, but Gloria knew that he used it to hide his insecurity. "I don't understand what I did that is so terrible. I know I shouldn't have run away from home; I realize now that I really worried you and I'm sorry. But when I got here, I went to work. I didn't just show up and dump myself on TJ. I've been making my own way."

"That's not the point, Tom. TJ had no inkling of your existence. Nor of mine. Your father had no intention of his first family ever learning about us. I don't know all his reasons, but it made great sense to me. We are living proof of your father's infidelity to them. Surely you aren't too young to see that it would be extremely painful to discover that?"

Tom looked off at a distance and tightened his lips. His loose fist scuffed at his chin whiskers then his eyes returned to his mother and gleamed as though he were about to win a point. "Yeah, I guess it would. But she didn't find that out from me."

Gloria shot up straighter and jerked her chin indignantly. "Tom Raphaele, don't you dare try passing the blame to me. I would never have come here if I weren't following you. And if you had given any thought to anyone besides yourself, you wouldn't have come here either."

Gloria's indignation finally got through to Tom, triggering a taste of remorse. "You're right, Mother." He flopped back against the chair cushions, and slouched despondently. "I could tell from the look on TJ's face that she doesn't care much about me. I thought she would be happy to find out she has a brother, but she didn't sound happy. She treated me better when she didn't know who I was." His lips twisted and, fighting back tears, he blurted, "I liked her and I thought she liked me."

But liking someone doesn't seem to preclude…TJ's words ran through Gloria's mind, with the same unspoken ending following right along behind it, …hurting them.

"Has it occurred to you that TJ probably does like you and that makes your deception even more painful to her?" Gloria asked softly. Her heart went out to her son when she saw the tears welling in his eyes. Maybe, though, it's good for him to feel some pain. Perhaps it will help him better understand how he has hurt TJ.

Tom's lips pressed together as he swiped away the lone tear rolling down into his beard. "I didn't mean to hurt her, Mother. I only wanted to love her."

Rising from the couch, Gloria settled on the edge of Tom's chair, put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him to her, soothing him as he broke down and cried. You are still a boy, my son, but with your good heart, you will be a much better man than your father was.

When Tom had softened his pain with his tears, he dried his eyes and sat up as Gloria released him. "Maybe I shouldn't stay here, Mother. I would just be a constant reminder to TJ of Dad's betrayal."

"On the contrary, Tom. She could have fired you, you know, but she didn't. I'd like to see you stay here at least until spring semester is due to begin. I think TJ wants you here and is willing to give you a chance to redeem yourself in her eyes."

Tom perked up a little at that assessment. "I'd do anything to redeem myself. She only has to name what she wants."

"I don't think it's going to be that easy, Tom. Right now, TJ's probably leery of you, not sure of whether it's safe to let herself care for you. I would guess that you'll just have to go about your work and try to regain her respect. Then she might let you get closer to her."

Looking at his mother as though she had turned into the font of all wisdom, Tom nodded and his lopsided grin moved slowly up his cheek. "I'll sure give it one heck of a try." He slipped an arm around Gloria's waist, pulled her close and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Mother. First, for not yanking me home by my ear, like I deserve, and second, for helping me to see where I went wrong and what bad effects my actions had."

His grin became wry. "I might lose my teenager badge for admitting all that, but I am grateful."

Gloria hugged him back. "You keep on working on understanding the results of your actions, and I'll become even more proud of you than I am right this minute. And that's saying something."

Tom blushed, took a deep breath and looked at his watch. "I guess I better get on down to the cookhouse if I want any grub." They stood up and he squeezed his mother's arm. "I'll be by really early in the morning to exercise Flag, just about dawn. Will you be up then?"

"I'll make it a point to be," Gloria answered and watched with a sweet smile as her son left. Grub? He's even talking like a ranch hand, she chuckled.

The phone on the end table rang and Gloria looked at it curiously, then picked it up. "Mrs. Raphaele, this is Erin. Supper will be ready in fifteen minutes," she informed her. "Will that be all right with you?"

"That's fine, thank you. I'll be right down," Gloria answered and cradled the phone.

********************

Paula fixed two dinners, complete with dessert, for Mare to take upstairs. She set them on a tray with silverware and napkins while Mare fixed two mugs of coffee to add to it. Gloria came in as they finished and Erin, already seated at the table, indicated that she should sit across from her.

Gloria sat and nodded to Erin then smiled at Mare who was just about to pick up the tray. "You aren't joining us?" she asked.

"No," Mare smiled back, "TJ is pretty wrung out. I'm going to eat with her in her room and spend a quiet evening with her. If you need anything, Paula and Erin will see to it."

"Don't worry about me. I always bring a book or two when I travel. I'll just go back to that beautiful suite of rooms and relax with a juicy murder mystery. Please tell TJ I said goodnight."

"I'll do that," Mare promised. "Goodnight."

Picking up the tray, she tapped Paula's side with an elbow as she passed her. "Thanks for the help, Paula."

Paula took her seat next to Erin and initiated the passing of the food around the table. "It has been a tiring day," Gloria said. "I'm not surprised that TJ wants to rest. She went through a lot of emotional upheaval today." She got to work on the pineapple-covered ham, which was tender enough to be cut with a fork.

"Yeah," Paula's wry expression spoke volumes, "and her doctor told us to keep her calm. We didn't do much toward keeping her calm today." She pushed her yams around on her plate several times, then shrugged and began eating.

"I apologize for my part in this," Gloria said with a frown, "and Tom's. I didn't know that TJ was recuperating from an operation or I would have used more discretion. Until you filled me in on her earlier injury, I didn't even know she had to use a wheelchair. When we had our talk and she moved from behind her desk, I was startled to see that she was in a wheelchair." She took a sip of water. "My news was a terrible blow to her," she admitted, then slowly continued her meal.

"Don't blame yourself too much, Gloria. If we had told her about you and Tom when we first learned about it, none of this would have jolted her the way it has," Erin volunteered, "so we made mistakes, too."

Paula cleaned off her plate, then got up to get the dessert. "Well, that's all water over the dam at this point," she remarked. "We just need to make sure that we don't hide anything from her any more because of what we consider her best interests. We'll let her be the judge of that…"

"And keep ourselves out of trouble," Erin finished with a grimace. She nodded for emphasis, then polished off the remnants of her food.

Erin rose and cleared off the table while Paula finished serving the cake and fetching the whipped topping. Gloria stepped around them and poured more coffee for everyone, then they resettled themselves at the table.

"TJ told Tom he wasn't fired, so I'm allowing him to stay. I'd like to see the two of them get to know each other better," Gloria informed Paula and Erin. "At the moment, and I can understand why, TJ seems a little ambivalent about her feelings toward him. I'm afraid it might be awhile before she thinks of him as family."

Erin and Paula nodded. "TJ was crazy about her brother Lance, but, except for him, she didn't have much use for her family," Erin said. "Would be nice to see her get a second chance at one."

Gloria's expression turned sad. "She told me about how Thomas abused her. I still find that hard to understand. He had a terrible temper, but he never struck either of us. How horrible that must have been for her." Her sadness deepened as she recalled TJ's wistful expression when she saw Gloria hug her son.

Paula's voice rasped, "She never knew love from her father or her mother. Erin and I were at her home and saw that for a fact." She shook her head. "TJ has a heart as big as Texas, but she sure didn't inherit it from either one of them."

Gloria ventured a small smile. "She seems to be surrounded by love now. You women obviously care about her and look out for her."

"Yes, we do, and she does the same for us," Erin grinned. "We have a mutual admiration society."

Gloria looked from one to the other. "I can't help but see that you two are very close to each other and…"

"We're partners," Paula interrupted, her weariness stirring a touch of belligerence. "Lovers. Lesbians."

"And TJ and Mare?" Gloria asked.

"Yep, they are too. Does that matter to you?" Paula demanded. Erin cocked her head at Paula, wondering at her irritability. Gloria hadn't seemed aggressive in her questioning.

Gloria's eyes narrowed as she sat forward and pointed at Paula with her fork. Erin held her breath, afraid she was in the middle of a confrontation. Just what we need to end this rotten day! I'm too damned tired for this. She laid a soothing hand on Paula's arm.

Punctuating each strongly enunciated word with a movement of her fork, Gloria attacked. "Does… it… matter… to… you… that… I… am… straight?" Gloria's glare rapidly disappeared and she sat back with a grin. "I sure hope not, because I can't change any more than you can… though I do think you're pretty cute."

Erin clapped her hand over her mouth as she saw her partner's comical expression. In a fighting mood, Paula had been prepared to counterstrike against an expected blow. Instead, she looked completely surprised. Quickly recovering from her consternation, she rubbed her jaw. "Hell, no," she retorted. "It doesn't matter to me." Then she retaliated with a wry grin, "Some of my best friends are straight."

Gloria chuckled and set the fork down. "I'm sorry, I know a lot of discrimination still exists, but not in my family. I would guess that some of your mood tonight comes from being tired, but you looked like you were just itching for a fight and I couldn't resist egging you on a little." A puff of laughter blew past her lips. "I must be tired, too." Without warning, the laughter turned into an infectious giggle and wouldn't stop.

Soon, Erin joined her and finally, Paula was engulfed, too. Paula kept trying to ask another question, but each time she started to speak, another wave of giggles hit them.

Finally, they were all giggled out. "What were you trying to ask me, Paula?" Gloria inquired, her face red and eyes still wet from laughing.

Paula scratched her head. "Damned if I remember." Too worn out to giggle any more, they all laughed softly, the first building blocks of friendship having been cemented by their joint acceptance of each other.

"I think I'll head on upstairs," Gloria said, wiping her eyes. "Tom's coming by early to ride Flag and I want to be up to see him."

Paula's mind kicked into gear. "You know how to ride, don't you?"

"Yes, I've been riding since I was a child," Gloria answered.

"Well, heck, why don't you ride out with Tom? You can use my horse, Runny," Paula offered. "Tom can saddle her for you."

"Or my Ebonair, if you want a quieter one. Like her owner, Runny is a little spirited," Erin explained, casting a lighthearted look at her lover. "And tell Tom he can have the rest of the morning off. It will give you some time to spend together. I'll let the foreman know."

"That sounds like a great idea," Gloria agreed. "I'll see you ladies tomorrow."

"Okay. We're going to watch TV for a while in the living room, so you might hear us coming upstairs later," Paula said. "Goodnight."

Gloria walked around the table and impulsively hugged Paula, then Erin. "Thank you for making me feel so welcome," she said, then headed upstairs.

Erin made the call to Bill Jacobs, then the lovers talked about their upcoming vacation while they straightened up the kitchen.

"Gloria seems pretty nice," Erin remarked as they moved into the living room. She handed the remote to Paula, who put on the channel they wanted and sat back to wait for their show.

"Yes, she does," Paula assented. She reached around Erin's shoulders and pulled her in close to her side. "But no matter how cute she thinks I am, she doesn't stand a chance. My heart belongs to another nice woman."

Erin wrinkled her nose at her partner, then patted her cheek. With a satisfied sigh, she leaned into Paula's kiss, then settled down against her. They talked a few minutes more, putting the finishing touches on their vacation plans, then relaxed and enjoyed their show.

Chapter 22

Paula came downstairs the next day just a little ahead of Erin, searching for her keys. Last night, when their show was over, the wrestling matches came on and the two women started their own playful wrestling, which had ended in… well, it hadn't really ended, just been moved upstairs. Paula's lips curved, remembering.

This morning, Paula discovered her keys were missing and surmised they had been dropped somewhere in the living room. When she entered the room in search of them, she found Mare sitting in TJ's motorized chair. Not TJ, just Mare, studying the controls.

"What are you doing?" Paula asked, her brow wrinkling.

"Hi, Paula," Mare greeted her. "You know, TJ has mentioned several times that I had no idea what it was like being tied to a wheelchair… and she was right. So I figured I would spend a day in a chair, just as she does, and get a feel for how difficult it is. What do you think?"

Erin entered the room and came to Paula's side, her brows lifting as she saw Mare. Paula's arm went around her waist. "Mare's going to spend the day in the wheelchair, find out what it's like," she explained to her partner.

The prospect immediately piqued Erin's interest. "Cool! We never thought of doing that, but it seems like a great idea. What are you going to do about your work?"

"I talked to Barry about it and we were able to rearrange our calls so that he can handle them for today. So… unless an emergency arises, I'm good to go."

"Does TJ know about it?" Erin inquired.

"Does TJ know about what?" With a whisper and creak, TJ's chair entered the room, following right behind her question. She steered around Erin and Paula and came to a dead stop. The look on her face was strange but unreadable. Mare had absolutely no clue to her thoughts, but, being Mare, she jumped into the silence.

"I'm going to spend today in this chair, shadowing your movements, so I can get a better feel of what you have to put up with." She cocked her head at her lover, whose face had become totally unresponsive, which made Mare nervous. "Is that all right with you, TJ? I promise not to get in your way."

"And just what are you trying to prove, Mare?" TJ's tone was one Mare was beginning to think of as velvet ice--it sounded so quiet and smooth, but could freeze the skin right off of its target. "How easy it is to sit in a chair all day without letting it bother you?" She snorted. "For one day?"

For a moment, Mare was dumbstruck. My god, she looks at this as a threat. Like I'm trying to show her up, or something.

"No, TJ, you don't understand…"

TJ's eyes went out of focus and her voice continued, distantly, as though Mare hadn't spoken. "It's not one day that gets to you. I could do one day with my hands tied. It's the… 'forever' part… that really…" TJ's voice thickened and stopped.

Mare left the chair and knelt next to TJ. She stroked TJ's arm until her eyes recovered their focus and met Mare's. "I didn't mean to upset you, sweetheart. I thought it would help me be more understanding of the frustrations you deal with everyday. I'm not trying to make you look bad."

Mare raised her eyes to Erin and Paula, but they shook their heads, at a loss for helpful words.

Erin cleared her throat. "Hey, guys, how about we go get some breakfast before it's therapy time? Paula and I will get it started, okay?" Mare nodded and the partners hurried away. Unable to offer any suggestions, they were grateful for an excuse to leave the emotionally charged atmosphere. Paula could look for her keys later.

Mare moved the chair arm and settled unopposed on TJ's lap. Taking her lover's face between her hands, she kissed her cool lips lightly, and then drew back. "I swear, TJ, I had no idea this would upset you. I thought you would be enthused about it. At last, one of us would have some firsthand experience of what you go through everyday." She brushed TJ's lips again, and again pulled back. Dropping her hands to TJ's shoulders, she waited, not knowing what to expect.

Long arms lifted and wrapped loosely around Mare's waist, then TJ laid her raven head against Mare's golden one. "I had no idea it would upset me, either," TJ admitted with a sigh. "I appreciate that your intentions were good, Mare. Just… seeing you in that chair threw me for a loop. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and seeing my love there…" TJ shook her head. "Maybe it's a good thing I'm the one in the chair." Her next words were a throaty whisper; "I couldn't bear the thought of your being in one."

Mare slipped her arms around her lover's neck and hugged her close. "You'd love me just the same, you know. Our love's too strong to be destroyed by any obstacle." Mare loosened her arms just enough to allow her to kiss TJ's forehead, eyes, cheeks and finally her lips. This time the full lips warmed under hers. They tightened their arms and pressed their bodies together, holding on until the contact had soothed them both.

Their lips parted and Mare sat back and slowly ran a hand over TJ's head, smoothing her hair with a caress. "How about if we go get some breakfast?"

Intense blue eyes softened as they moved from Mare's face, traveled admiringly down her body and returned, stirring with a hint of desire. "Do we have to?"

Mare intercepted the hand that was sliding up her hip, aimed at slipping beneath her shirt. "Yes, we do," she said with a pretended pout. "You have exercises to do yet, remember?"

"Yeah," TJ sighed. "Now there's something you could do in my place…"

"Come on, let's have breakfast and then I'll help you with them. After that, I'm free for the day. We can do anything you want to," Mare smirked.

"Mmmm, what an enticement. Let's go!" TJ swiveled the chair and ran it through the doorway with Mare still on her lap. "How fast can you eat?"

********************

"Erin said Runny is spirited," Gloria informed Tom. "She may be a little too much for me." She saw how the horse danced around as Tom led her outside the stall, then put her back.

"Yeah, she always tugs against the lead, like she wants to be the boss," Tom laughed. "I think you'll like Ebonair; she's more of a lady." Gloria watched the smooth movements of her handsome son as he fetched the tack and began to saddle Flag and Ebonair.

"She's a beauty," his mother said, "and Flag is simply gorgeous. I can imagine TJ flying over jumps on Flag. What a picture that must have been."

"I try not to think about it," Tom admitted. "I feel too bad for her."

"I understand that you might, Tom, but I don't think TJ would want you to feel bad for her. She seems to be able to handle her disability pretty well. Look around this ranch, for instance. I know a lot of other people are doing the hands-on, physical parts of running it, but that would probably be the case no matter who the owner was. TJ's in charge of all this and apparently it's doing all right."

Tom slowly nodded. "I've been so involved with Flag that I kind of took everything else for granted, but that's true, Mother. Bill gets most of his instructions from Miss Scott, but everyone knows TJ is the boss. The men talk about her with a lot of respect, too. When she put them back to work, she gave them a chance to feel proud about themselves again."

"Exactly," Gloria said. "Don't forget, too, that she runs a major corporation. People use the expression 'big wheel' rather loosely sometimes, but even in the short time I've been here, I can tell that TJ is like a hub that everything else revolves around. Seeing the power of her personality, I would guess that the corporation is no exception," she pointed out.

Tom shot a contrite glance at his mother. "I've been looking at what TJ can't do instead of what she can do. One more dumb idea I've had."

Gloria patted her son's back and turned affectionate eyes on him. "Not dumb, Tom. You've just been looking at TJ's situation with too narrow a focus."

They walked the horses out into the soft light. The hidden sun nudged the top of its rim against the slowly yielding horizon, impatient to shine its face on a new day.

"Take a wider look, Tom. Being in a wheelchair might slow her down a little, but TJ will still be far ahead of most people. Don't feel sorry for your sister. She's well worth your admiration."

They mounted the horses and rode toward the emerging dawn as Tom reflected on the words his mother had spoken.

********************

"Oh, TJ, this place is gorgeous," Mare said admiringly. A very slight breeze enhanced her awareness of the air's freshness and fragrance. Birds chirped their solos, while assorted insect sounds mingled with the chucking of squirrels to their playmates.

"Some small hideaways like this have springs and pools in them," the dark-haired woman said as her eyes drank in the beauty of the trees and late-blooming flowers, "but none of them are this close to the house."

They had decided to take advantage of Mare's being free for the day by spending some time outdoors, in a wooded area of the ranch. TJ had wanted to go to the lake, but bouncing that far across the range in a truck didn't sound like a good idea. Mare convinced her that, after the prior day's adventures, a closer locale made more practical sense. The weather was a little cool for swimming anyway, and the huge ranch offered many other delightful places yet to be visited.

Mare pulled the truck as close as she could to the trees that TJ indicated, then lifted the wheelchair from the back and helped her lover into it. She handed TJ a blanket, then followed her, laden with pillows and a six-pack of soda from the back of the cab. TJ wheeled through the scattered underbrush into a grassy dell, sprinkled with wildflowers.

Mare set the pillows and soda on the ground, then spread the blanket next to a tree and helped TJ out of the wheelchair. She tossed a couple of pillows at her laughing partner, who easily caught them and laid them beyond her.

The vet picked up the six-pack and faked a toss with it, but set it within reach, instead.

TJ pretended to flinch. "You throw those sodas at me and you won't get any," she warned.

Mare flopped on the ground next to TJ, leaned over her and batted sparkling green eyes full into laughing blue. "You keep threatening me, darling, and you might not get any either," she panted.

"Woman, you are shameless." TJ's low chuckle rumbled through the vet's body, warming every single fiber of her being.

"Only where you're concerned," Mare murmured and lowered her lips to taste her lover's. She felt the buildup of heat in TJ's torso, the acceleration of her breathing… and rolled away from her startled companion, who grabbed for her, but missed.

"But first… a soda," Mare announced. She knelt up, out of reach, and freed two cans from the pack.

TJ rolled onto her side, propped her head on her arm and narrowed her eyes. "You just love to tease me, Dr. Gillespie, don't you?"

"Yes, indeed, Miss Meridian, but as I keep telling you, it's just so much fun!" Mare popped a top on a soda and made the tactical error of handing it to TJ. A strong hand gripped her wrist and pulled, dumping her right back onto the spot she had just vacated, lying prone next to her aroused lover.

Grasping Mare's shirt with the arm she had propped against the ground, TJ grabbed the soda with her free hand. "So, you want soda first, do you? Then soda you'll get," TJ promised, with a wicked laugh.

"No, no!" Mare protested, in vain, wrapping her arms over her head and face.

TJ poured the whole soda over a squirming Mare, from her shoulders to her knees. When she realized the can was empty, Mare stopped squirming. "Now what, you nut?" she laughed. "I'm soaking wet!"

TJ first rubbed a teasing hand over Mare, watching with a heavy-lidded smile as her lover's body reacted. Then she leaned over top of her, unbuttoning her shirt. "I guess I better get you out of these wet clothes before you catch a cold," TJ smirked.

"Ooooh, yeah, good idea," Mare agreed, and helped by shrugging her shoulders out of the sodden garment. "But I'm still going to be awfully sticky," she moaned.

TJ dipped her head and licked at bare skin until Mare wriggled and gasped. Then her raven head lifted and met heated green eyes. "I think I can fix that," her sultry voice promised.

And she proceeded to do just that… most thoroughly.

Chapter 23

Back at the house, Mare showered and changed, then took a bucket of water outside to wash the truck seat. When she returned to the kitchen, she made a face at her laughing lover. "Just remember paybacks, TJ," she threatened.

"Yes, ma'am," TJ answered, but her meek act was spoiled by a snort of laughter. "Okay, I'll be nice. I'll fix lunch," she offered.

"Oh, yeah, like that's being nice," Mare taunted. "I'd be afraid to eat it." She grinned at the innocent, raised-eyebrows-look that TJ fashioned. "I'll figure out something else you can do, later. I'll fix lunch. I saw Tom and Gloria coming across the fields. Maybe they'll join us."

Mare busied herself making soup and sandwiches and setting a pitcher of iced tea on the island.

A few minutes later Gloria knocked on the door and entered.

"Hi," Mare greeted her. "You're just in time for lunch. Is Tom staying?"

"Hi, and thanks for the invitation," Gloria answered. She walked to the sink and washed her hands. "Tom said he'll eat at the cookhouse. I'm flying home this afternoon and we said our good-byes just now. He's not one for public displays of affection," she smiled. She took a seat at one end of the island, diagonal to where Mare would sit.

"How was your ride? Did you get a good look at the ranch?" Mare asked. She set the food on the island and took her place next to TJ. The three women talked as they ate.

"Yes, I really enjoyed it. We rode for a couple of hours then Tom took me back to the office and introduced me to Bill Jacobs and his family. He showed me the bunkhouse and the barn and outbuildings." Gloria's eyes switched to TJ's with a smile. "This place is beautiful, and quite impressive."

"Thank you," TJ inclined her head in acknowledgement of the compliment. "We have a lot of people working hard to keep it that way." She took a drink of her iced tea. "Would you rather have a soda to drink, Gloria?" she asked politely, and swallowed a grin as Mare kicked her chair.

"No, thank you, tea is fine," Gloria replied. "I can see where teamwork would be vitally important in an undertaking this vast. Tom seems to be absorbing that knowledge from his work with the other men. I really appreciate that you're letting him continue here, TJ."

TJ took a deep breath and focused her mind on the subject at hand. "A ranch is a great place to learn about life. Sometimes the lessons are hard, but they are all worth discovering. When we grow up and have to choose a road to take us through life, there are hundreds of different ones to choose from… and some we get pushed onto whether we choose them or not. A strong belief in yourself and your friends sure can make the journey a lot easier, even when it's awfully hard."

Suddenly embarrassed by the realization that she had slipped into a revelation of her own personal experiences, TJ stopped talking. Her eyes slid to Mare who gave her a small smile of encouragement and patted her on the arm.

The three women finished their lunch in silence and Mare rose and began to clean up, waving Gloria back down into her seat.

Finally, Gloria spoke again. "TJ…" she waited until the intense blue eyes met hers, steeling herself to receive the powerful gaze. "I've agreed with Tom that he can stay here with my permission until spring semester starts at Harvard. I appreciate your telling him that I was the one who had to give him that permission, but you really are the one who has the last say. Is it all right for him to stay until then?"

"Yes, it is and I want you to know that I'll be keeping a close watch on him," TJ said seriously.

"Thank you. That eases my mind a lot. He's really happy here." Gloria debated her next words, then decided to say them. "He wants to get to know you better. Will you give him that chance? Please?"

Mare, standing by the sink, held her breath. She wasn't sure of how TJ felt about her "new" brother and thought it best to let the situation cool down before she asked her. She stilled, waiting for TJ's reply, but the calmness of her answer gave no clue to her true feelings.

"I'm not ready to make any promises," TJ frowned. "He can work here and I'll keep an eye on him. Beyond that, I won't say."

Gloria smiled sadly. "Very well." I guess I should be glad of that much. She's been emotionally battered and isn't sure of Tom yet.

Gloria rose from the table. "I have to get packed. My plane leaves in a couple of hours." Mare and TJ nodded to her and she headed upstairs.

Mare walked to TJ and brushed her cheek with her fingertips. "You okay, sweetheart?"

TJ smiled up at her, a lovely, bittersweet smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Some things only time can take care of."

"I'm glad you're feeling all right. Wouldn't want this afternoon's fun all undone."

TJ's smile turned happier. "No danger of that." She turned her head as Erin and Paula entered, carrying bags of food.

Paula set hers on the counter while Erin put her bag on the island. "We got finished at the plant earlier than we expected, so we went shopping while we were out," Paula explained.

She turned her head toward Erin who was looking at Mare quizzically, then pointing at her. "Weren't you wearing something else this morning?" the curly-haired blonde asked.

A flush started to creep up Mare's cheeks. "Ah… yeah… I… er… got some soda spilled on… "

Paula had been looking from Mare's pink face to TJ's devilish smile and she interrupted with a droll voice, "At least you got your shirt buttoned right this time."

TJ laughed out loud while Mare turned from pink to red and all four women enjoyed a moment of shared hilarity.

TJ lay in the bed, watching Mare prepare to join her. The golden-haired vet had cast off her robe and picked up a T-shirt when she felt her lover's eyes upon her and glanced toward her with a gentle smile. "You always watch me. Don't you get tired of seeing me do the same old things over and over?"

TJ's silky drawl crawled right inside of Mare, warming her. "Every time you ask me, I will tell you over and over: you are so beautiful, Mare; it pleasures me to watch you. Do you ever get tired of seeing a sunrise? A waterfall? A rainbow?"

TJ's words evoked a small smile that widened as Mare lifted the T-shirt over her head and heard a softly in-drawn breath from her partner. "Careful, sweetheart, you're letting your sensitive side show," she teased as she slipped into the bed and entered TJ's embrace.

"Mmmm," the raven-haired woman hummed as her squeezing hand tested a few spots. "Seems like you are sensitive on all sides."

Mare giggled as TJ hit a ticklish area. She grabbed the offending hand and pulled it up between them. "TJ?"

TJ sighed, recognizing the beginning of a talk session. Settling herself more comfortably, she relaxed, knowing that Mare in a talkative mood was easier to give in to than to silence. Not that I've always let that stop me, she smirked. "Yeah?"

"Can we talk about Tom?" Mare felt her lover's body change abruptly from warm and yielding to cold and hard as TJ withdrew into herself. Mare had never known anyone whose emotions could change as rapidly as TJ's sometimes did. Like throwing a switch.

Mare pressed her lips against the bare skin above TJ's T-shirt collar then tilted her head back to look into detached blue eyes. "Are you angry about having a brother?" she questioned.

"NO!" TJ barked, startling her partner as the detached eyes came frighteningly alive. "I'm…" TJ's face twisted with the effort to get her words out, but Mare waited, knowing how difficult it was for TJ to express her innermost feelings. Experience had shown Mare that if she persisted in breaking through the dam, TJ would open the floodgates and pour her emotions out to her.

"I'm…" TJ sucked in a breath and clenched her jaw. "I'm… afraid."

Mare laid her palm against TJ's jaw, stroking tenderly with her thumb. "Why are you afraid?" she whispered.

"I'm afraid… to let myself… love him." A gust of air blew from TJ's mouth, emphasizing her distress.

"But why?"

TJ's breathing roughened and Mare rhythmically patted her cheek in an attempt to soothe her. "What if… What if he turns out to be a monster like our…" TJ gritted her teeth, "father? He does have the same blood in him."

That answer surprised Mare. She's afraid of more than that but let's address one part of her fear at a time. "Sweetheart, you have the same blood in you and you aren't a monster. I don't think Tom is one either. Surely there would have been signs of it by now. He seems to be a caring youngster who braved his mother's displeasure to find and meet his sister. That doesn't sound like a monster."

Mare riffled TJ's bangs with her fingers, smoothed her hand across the raven head, then returned her palm to the sculpted cheek. "You can keep an eye on how he acts here at the ranch. Check him out before you commit yourself," Mare suggested.

"But something else is bothering you, isn't it?" Mare watched as TJ briefly closed her eyes and nodded.

The haunted blue eyes were moist when they reopened. "What if I let myself love him and then I lose him?"

Mare slid up the bed, put her arms around TJ and pulled her face against her breasts, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She felt long arms wrap around her waist. "Bad things don't always happen, TJ," she murmured against the raven hair.

She strained to hear the hoarse voice against her chest. "When Lance died, a voice inside of my head screamed for months and months. I don't think I could stand that again."

Mare could feel the dampness of TJ's tears soaking through her T-shirt and she held her lover tightly, struggling to find the words to help her. "Would you rather that you had never loved Lance? Or me?"

There was a hesitation, then long arms tightened around her. Mare could feel TJ's hard swallow and the shake of her head as she moaned, "O, god, no. You two are the best things that ever happened to me."

Mare dotted her lover's head with kisses. "Well, sweetheart, the only 'safe' way to protect your heart from being wounded is to build a wall around it and never let anyone in. But then you're only half alive. Love is best when it's shared and that means breaking down the wall and trusting that your family and friends will help protect you."

Mare's hand caressed the raven head for a long time as they lay clasped together. She had just begun to drift off to sleep when TJ's velvet voice stirred her one more time. "Mare?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you."

Mare fell asleep with a smile on her face as her body welcomed TJ's goodnight kiss against her breast.

Chapter 24

"Atlantic City? You could go anywhere in the world and you want to go to Atlantic City, New Jersey? In the off season, no less?" TJ frowned at the women sitting in her office. "I thought you were kidding when you said that last week. I still don't get it."

Paula and Erin sat in front of TJ's desk, having just completed the weekly report on the ranch and packing plant.

"TJ, Atlantic City is perfect for us. Besides, it's our vacation, we can go anywhere the hell we want," Paula replied, her stubborn streak leaping to the fore. Erin patted her arm and shook her head, her eyes pleading with her partner to keep calm.

Erin jumped in with an explanation, forestalling any possible retort. "We've talked it over for a month, now, TJ, and that's what we settled on. We've been to a lot of plush resorts in a dozen cities and they were fine, but this time we just want to go relax and enjoy ourselves. I like beachcombing and museums and Paula likes to gamble and hit the night spots, so we figure Atlantic City makes a nice compromise. The ocean and the gambling are right there and three big cities are within driving distance for almost anything else you would want to do."

"Some things I want to do you don't even have to drive for," Paula ventured. TJ and Paula traded lecherous grins, complete with waggling eyebrows, and Erin annoyed herself by blushing.

"You don't have to go to Atlantic City for that," she said primly. "Might as well save some money and just stay home, if that's all you're interested in."

"Yeah," TJ agreed. "You could put one bucket of water and one of sand right next to the bed and just dip your hand in one once in a while. And you could use a fan for the sea breeze. Close your eyes and you'd think you were at the ocean. You wouldn't even have to get out of bed," she enthused, grinning wickedly.

Erin made a face at TJ as her partner nodded and laughed. Then Paula leaned from her chair and took hold of a lock of Erin's curls. Pulling it to her nose, she sniffed. "Ah, Erin, but I want to smell the ocean on your hair, and trace the tan line around your swim suit," she moved teasing fingers across Erin's breast and got her hand smacked by her red-faced partner.

TJ covered her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh, but her jiggling body gave her away.

"Mare!" Erin hollered. "Come here, I need help!"

Mare came running in so fast, she almost fell when she tried to stop. "What? What's wrong?" she demanded.

"Oh hell, Mare, I didn't know you were actually here," Erin apologized. "Nothing's wrong, just these two are feeling oh-so-cutesy-sexy and they're ganging up on me."

"I just got in. What have you two been doing?" Mare looked from TJ to Paula and neither one would meet her eye. They cast totally innocent looks at each other and sucked in their lips to keep from laughing. "Okay," Mare scolded, "you can stay in here and torment each other. Erin and I are going to have some ice cream."

Erin jumped up and put her arm through Mare's. "Sounds good to me, honey, let's go."

"And these two inconsiderate oafs can't have any until they apologize," Mare declared as she and Erin left the room. Mare stuck her head back in the door. "Chocolate mint ice cream." She licked her lips and vanished.

"What do you think?" TJ muttered.

"That's my all-time favorite," whined Paula melodramatically, placing her hands over her heart.

"Mine, too." TJ whirled her chair around and headed for the door, but Paula got there first and blocked her way.

"Not so fast, TJ. You've got to promise something first. No more cutting us up about going to Atlantic City," Paula insisted.

TJ's lips twisted and she frowned in concentration. "You just want to spoil all my fun." Then her face slowly creased into an ornery smile. "Okay, at least I'll promise not to be too nasty."

Paula unexpectedly leaned down and kissed her cheek. "It's great to see you in such a good mood, boss," she remarked softly.

"Thanks, Paula." TJ sobered for a moment. "Sometimes I actually feel pretty good." Then her eyes twinkled again. "But we have some apologizing to do, and some ice cream to eat, so get outta my way," she warned and went flying past a grinning Paula who barely had time to jump away from the door.

********************

The girls did have to take some more friendly teasing about going to Atlantic City, but sure enough, a week later, off they went for two weeks of fun and frolic.

TJ picked up the bare necessities of their responsibilities with the ranch and the packing plant; Mare and Sacha took over their obligations concerning TJ's personal needs; and the two bunkhouse cooks planned to fix dinner on alternating weeks.

Once Mare and Sacha were added to the household, TJ had hired a weekly cleaning service to keep the premises in good order, so even the cleaning chores were taken care of. These arrangements enabled Paula and Erin to enjoy their time together without any guilt about leaving.

And enjoy themselves they did. Overnight trips were made to New York, Philadelphia and Baltimore to visit museums, catch some plays and hit the nightspots. Before coming on vacation, they had planned a routine for Atlantic City that worked well in practice. They spent each morning at a different casino, ate lunch there, then proceeded to walk the boardwalk or the beach in the afternoon. Then they showered and changed and went out to dinner. Afterward, they stayed for a casino show, or went back to their room and relaxed.

Today was their next to last one at the resort; they would be leaving first thing in the morning. After breakfast, Erin and Paula picked out a "lucky" casino they had won at the week before. Erin, not really a gambler at heart, plopped herself down in front of a slot machine and started feeding it coins.

Paula went from one game to another, winning steadily. Since blackjack was her favorite, she saved it for last. Focusing her full attention on the game, she kept winning more often than losing and the pile of chips in front of her continued to grow. Finally, she looked down at her watch and saw it was almost time to meet Erin at the dining room entrance. Figures, just when I start to really win, I have to leave! But at least I'll go home a winner.

Cashing in her chips, Paula was surprised that she had amassed over $2000. She stuffed the bills in her pocket as she started toward the exit. Walking down the aisle past the roulette tables, she mused at the number of players who sat or stood around the green perimeter, mesmerized by the movement of a tiny ball. Suddenly she was seized with an irresistible urge to try her luck with it. On the spur of the moment, she traded an even $2000 of her new winnings for one-hundred-dollar chips.

She stood at the end of one of the tables and watched the action for a few minutes, then stacked the chips in front of her and counted them into four piles of $500 each. What the hell am I doing here? I should take my winnings and leave. Paula tried to reason with herself but something was pushing her beyond reason, and she knew it. Guess this is what they mean by gambling fever, she laughed to herself. There are a number of things I could do with an extra $2000.

The money would more than pay back what she had lost over the two weeks. She could go home a winner--not a bad deal, considering most people went home as losers. Twice she picked the chips back up to leave, and twice she changed her mind. Hell's bells, Paula, play the damn game or leave. She picked up one stack and looked at the various ways bets could be made. Debating whether to make several different plays on one wheel spin or to make a single play on several spins, she stood there tossing the chips from one hand to the other.

I think I'll play Erin's birthdate, number 26. She's probably going to bend my ear for keeping her waiting. This way, I can tell her it was her fault I lost, Paula grinned, then immediately felt remorseful. That's not fair to Erin. She's been great this whole time. I gotta play some for her. Paula grabbed another stack of chips and set it on top of the first. What the hell, she's been perfect! A crazy urge grabbed Paula and she plucked up the remaining two stacks and added them to the others. Might as well be in for a pound as in for a penny! Paula's breath caught as the dealer spun the wheel. Now I know what Granny meant when she used to say that to us.

As if in a dream, she watched the wheel turn. It slowed and the ball kept spinning and bouncing around and around. Why did I do such a stupid thing? Paula's head went around and around with the wheel. I can't believe I just threw $2000 away! Erin won't hear about this little escapade; I'll be in enough hot water as it is. Finally, her torture was ended. The wheel stopped. The ball bounded and ricocheted erratically around then bounced into the number… 12.

Damn! I shoulda known better. Paula swung swiftly away, chiding herself for her lack of control. Snick. She froze for a split second as she heard the ball move one more time. Get real, Paula. You know the odds against it being Erin's number? She took one more step.

"Hey, lady, you won!" A pudgy young man grabbed her arm and stopped her forward progress. "You won; your number hit!" he smiled and patted her shoulder. Everything seemed to go into slow motion. Paula's feet weighed a hundred pounds each as the happy spectator slowly turned her around. She floated back to the table with him, bewitched by her good fortune.

Suddenly, she was back in real time and the dealer was shoving her winnings toward her. Number 26! Heart pounding, she let out a shout, threw a fist in the air, then pulled in her winnings. Laughing, she handed five chips to the man who had grabbed her arm. "That's for hauling me back here."

"Hey, thanks!" he smiled and nodded. "Hope some of your luck rubs off on me!"

She cashed her chips in and an attendant accompanied her to the office where she had to sign papers and have the income tax deducted from her winnings. When she was handed a check, she couldn't stop grinning. Instead of heading for the dining room, she took the check to the front desk and had it put in the safe.

She could picture how surprised Erin would be. Keeping it a secret for a while made it seem even more delicious. I'll tell her after lunch when we're on the beach. Paula walked back and forth several times in one of the hallways to calm herself down. She had a hard time stopping the grin that kept popping up on her face. Finally attaining some semblance of normalcy, she went to meet her lover.

"Sorry I'm late, honey," Paula said, expecting the impatient look that had settled on her partner's face. "I got carried away with the gambling and forgot the time. Forgive me?"

Erin snorted and glanced sideways at her. "We'll see about that. I guess I'll have to keep you closer to me if I want you to be on time." She walked toward the entrance to the dining room and Paula purposely walked so closely behind her that she kept bumping into her.

"Now cut that out!" Erin growled and turned around with a frown. It changed to a half grin when she saw Paula giving her one of her sweetest smiles. "You know I can't resist that smile… at least not while we're on vacation." She lightly punched Paula's muscular arm. "C'mon, let's go eat and get changed. This is our last chance at beachcombing."

"Yes, ma'am!" Paula's smile grew even wider as she pictured Erin on the beach, hearing her good news. A wisp of heat puffed through her body as she imagined the warmth of the hug she would get.

*******************

Erin rubbed her arms and shivered. "It's kind of cool out here with this breeze. How come I'm wearing my swimsuit and you aren't?" Her eyes roamed the nearly empty beach, seeking treasures to collect. Stooping, she freed a tiny, intricately shaped shell from its sandy prison. Carefully brushing it off, she stood and held it in the palm of her hand, admiring its exquisite contours.

I was wondering when she would notice the swimsuit bit. Took her the whole two weeks! Captivated by her lover's bemused expression, Paula put an arm around her and gave her a quick hug. "I'm wearing shorts and a tank top, so I don't have much more on than you do and I'm not cold. Has Texas turned you into a wimp?"

"Better not let any Texans hear you say that," Erin chuckled. "I'll be fine once we move around more. It just occurred to me that every day we've come here you've asked me to wear a suit, but you haven't worn one yet." She placed the shell into a bag Paula wore belted at her side.

"There you go," Paula pointed to her action. "Someone has to carry the bag."

Erin rolled her eyes and Paula grinned. "Okay, so I've been roaming the beach with you practically every afternoon and I haven't complained once. Least you can do is let me enjoy a little eye candy."

Erin stepped away and, cocking her head, looked Paula up and down. The light breeze swirled tiny feathers of short, dark-brown hair around the edges of an attractive face set atop a long, graceful neck. Her straight nose and high cheekbones, spattered with faint freckles, created a nesting place for dark, almost black eyes crested by heavy brows. A broad jaw supported a wide mouth whose narrow lips were so perfectly formed that Erin loved just to look at them.

Suddenly growing warmer, she quickly shifted her look to her partner's extremities, admiring the muscle tone of her well-shaped arms and legs.

Two inches taller than Erin's five-foot-seven-inch height, Paula carried her wiry, but shapely frame with casual ease… unless provoked. Erin smiled as the thought came to mind. Which I try very hard not to do. She's such a softy most of the time, although she gets embarrassed when I say that. And, oh god, how I love her.

"Well?" Paula prompted, knowing she was getting checked out. Her mouth curved when she saw the heat growing in her lover's warm brown eyes.

"Hrrmmph," Erin cleared her throat, "you aren't the only one who enjoys eye candy, you know?" She stepped nearer Paula and murmured, "You want to cut this beachcombing short?"

"No, no, no," laughed Paula, taking Erin's hand and pulling her along beside her as she started walking. "This is your last day and I don't want to hear afterward that I seduced you out of it." Still moving, she pulled Erin in closer and kissed her cheek. "But keep that thought for later."

They continued on hand-in-hand until Erin found another shell that struck her fancy. After she cleaned it and put it in the bag, Paula asked her, "What are you going to do with all the shells you've collected?"

"You might have noticed, I've concentrated on small ones. I'm going to polish them and put them in a decorative jar and put them in our bathroom. I think they'll look great in there, don't you?"

"Whatever you want, sweetheart, is okay with me," Paula ruffled Erin's curls.

"Okay, how about if I fill it with maggots?"

"What?" Paula's eyebrows flew up.

"Or maybe, cow flop."

"Horse shit!" Paula exploded.

"Okay, I can work with that. Heaven knows we've got plenty of it."

"No way, Erin. Are you playing some kind of game?" Paula looked at her partner and shook her head.

"Well," Erin said with twinkling eyes, "you said anything I want is okay with you. I just was testing to see if there were limits on that statement."

Paula looked at her in mock disgust. "I think I'll go back to the casino and feed them some more of my money."

Not trusting that she was kidding, Erin grabbed her hand. "Did you lose much today? I know you were a little ahead, but did you play it all back?"

"No," Paula answered with a broad smile. "I have something really great to tell you. I won. As a matter of fact, I won big."

"Wow! Where is it?" Erin searched in the nearer pocket of Paula's shorts but found nothing.

Paula turned so she could reach into the other pocket. "Try this one."

Erin did, but again she came up empty. "Why are you telling me to look in your pockets when there's nothing there?" she asked, stomping her foot on the sand.

"Because that felt soooo good, love." Paula laughed as Erin poked her with a finger.

"So you were just kidding about winning big?"

"No," Paula said, crossing her heart, "I won really big."

Erin grabbed her arm and shook it. "Stop teasing! How big?"

Paula purposely dragged the answer out. "I… won… seventy… thousand… dollars."

Erin's jaw dropped. "How did you…" Her voice failed her.

Paula just stood there grinning until Erin shook her again. "Well, I kept winning all morning long, then when it was time for lunch, I cashed in my chips. On my way out, I walked past a roulette table and I just got this urge to play your birthday number. I changed the money back into chips, put it all on number 26, and it won!"

Erin grabbed Paula's other arm and danced her around in a circle, ignoring the inquisitive looks of the few people on the beach. "That is so great! I'm so happy for you!"

"You mean happy for us, sweetheart. This belongs to both of us." Paula's voice lowered. "It was your number I played. I always knew you were lucky for me; now I have material evidence."

Erin's eyes filled and she gave her partner a huge hug.

********************

"This is our last night," Erin sighed, snuggling closer to Paula in their bed. "I wish it didn't have to end. Spending these two weeks alone with you has been heavenly."

Paula put her arms around her curly-headed lover and pulled Erin's upper body over her own. They smiled at each other, then Erin nuzzled her lips into Paula's neck, savoring her taste and scent.

"You think we'll always stay with TJ?" Paula startled herself with her own question. Although it had passed through her mind at odd moments, she had never asked it of Erin. She knew that her partner had a special love for their friend, dating back to their first meeting. Paula also admitted that whatever Erin decided to do, she would go along with. She loved and respected both women and would never purposely drive a wedge between them.

Erin's lips and tongue stilled and she lay in silence for a few moments. Wonder why she's bringing that up now? Think that $70,000 has anything to do with it? "I don't know, Paula. I really haven't given it much thought. Do you have a problem with our living there?"

"Nothing major. But you said it yourself, these two weeks alone together have been great. Maybe it's time to think of getting out from under TJ's wing and having our own home."

Erin rolled back off of Paula and lay facing her sideways with her head propped on one arm. "You know I can't leave TJ as long as she needs us. I love her more than anyone in the whole world except you, Polly. And you love her, too."

"Yeah, I love her," Paula admitted with a wry grin. "But I don't always like her."

"That's because you're too much alike!" Erin exclaimed. "Both of you are contrary, cantankerous mule-heads when you get cross. You need to work on being able to disagree with each other without fireworks."

Paula snorted a laugh. "Too true, my love. But I'm not talking about moving away or anything like that. I don't want to leave TJ while she needs us. I was thinking more on the lines of buying a home of our own in the same area. That way, TJ and Mare would have their home and you and I would have ours."

Erin chewed her bottom lip and thought about that for a minute. "I'll give that some serious thought, Polly."

"You do that, sweetheart." She raised up and kissed Erin's tempting lips. "But let's forget about that for now," she said. "If you remember, before we came on this vacation, I spoke of pursuing a tan line." She lightly pushed against Erin, pressing her back down on the bed.

"So that's why you insisted I wear my swimsuit while we combed the beach. You are a devious woman, my sweet."

"Heh heh," Paula leered. "Well, it's too cool to go swimming. I had to think of some way for you to get that tan line. For two weeks I've been looking forward to tracing it. Like this one across your chest." Paula lowered her head and began playing her mouth along the demarcation above and below Erin's breasts. Her lover breathed sighs of pleasure, which turned into little gasps when Paula detoured for a while into more susceptible areas.

"And this one your bikini left across your stomach." Paula pushed her body further down the bed and started nibbling the next tan line while her fingers visited the sensitized areas that she had just traveled.

Clutching a handful of Paula's hair, Erin ran the other hand in an ever-increasing tempo up and down her partner's back. Her legs drew up as mouth, tongue and teeth crept tantalizingly along her stomach, and Paula's free hand touched against her inner thigh. When she reached Erin's hip, Paula paused and laid her head against her lover's abdomen, slowly working her cheek and chin back and forth against the smooth, heated skin.

"Polly," Erin whispered thickly, "you missed a couple… of lower… tan lines."

"Oh, no, honey," Paula murmured, "I'm just building up my energy." With that, she turned back to her pursuit with renewed vigor, urged on even more by the cries and pushing arms of her writhing lover.

Chapter 25

TJ and Mare were in the midst of eating breakfast when Paula straggled in, grabbed a mug of coffee and sat catercorner from TJ at the island.

"Tough to get up the morning after returning from vacation, huh?" Mare grinned at the sleepy-eyed woman.

Paula nodded. "Glad we allowed for an extra day at home before having to report to work." She glanced at TJ who merely returned the look, her tight lips evidencing that she was in some discomfort. Damn pain. Wish it would give her a break more often.

"Yeah, thank goodness we don't have to worry about anything until tomorrow," Erin added as she entered and plopped next to her partner. She leaned into Paula's shoulder then blazed a dazzling smile at her as Paula pushed her untouched mug over toward Erin and rose to get another one. "Thanks, honey. My brain isn't back in gear yet."

This prompted a chuckle from Mare. Even TJ showed a small smile as she cut a piece of sausage and popped it into her mouth, chewing mechanically.

Mare looked from Paula to Erin. "Have you guys been giving any thought about how to spend your winnings?" What was that flicker in Erin's eyes for? Mare lifted her eyebrows and followed Erin's puzzlingly fearful gaze toward Paula who shifted in her chair. The dark-haired woman's eyes glanced quickly at TJ, then at Mare, then at the island's surface and back to Mare.

Paula hitched a shoulder in studied nonchalance. "I… we… thought we might start looking for a home of our own. Or maybe building one."

TJ's forkful of pancake stopped short of her open mouth, hesitated for a long moment, then continued its journey. She laid the fork down next to her plate as though she had lost interest in eating and her lips grew tighter even as she chewed. Picking up her coffee mug, she washed the food down with a swallow.

Mare jumped into the moment of silence before it grew noticeably long. "Really? I didn't know you were thinking of moving out."

Erin, overly conscious of TJ's lack of reaction, became a bit flustered. "We don't know for sure that we are. It's just something that occurred to us when we won the money. We're just tossing the idea around."

TJ dabbed her mouth with a napkin then folded it and placed it next to her plate, smoothing it down several times with her long fingers. She spoke in a low voice, without looking up. "I guess I should be glad you've stayed here as long as you have." She shrugged and her eyes came up and locked on Erin's. "It can't be much fun having to take care of me every day."

Erin reached out a hand and pleaded, "TJ…"

"Jesus H. Christ, TJ!" Paula interrupted. She stood up and started pacing as everyone's attention switched to her. "I'm not talking about running out on you. I couldn't even if I wanted to--Erin would never leave you." Paula stopped and rubbed the back of her neck then grinned wryly. "Actually, I never would either. What kind of friends do you think we are? We both…" Paula's lips twisted as she struggled to get the words out. "Aw, shoot, TJ, we both love you." A red flush of embarrassment moved slowly up Paula's tanned cheeks as TJ's eyes softened then grew moist.

Paula hurriedly sat back down, put a hand on TJ's arm and gazed pointedly at her. "We'll be honored to take care of you as long as you want us to, and that's a promise." She patted TJ's arm, then clasped her hands together. "I'm talking about buying, or maybe building, a home close by where we can still be available whenever you want us."

TJ twisted her lips back and forth. "You're not happy here, in this house? You can have the whole second floor if it's privacy you're looking for."

Erin spoke up, in support of her partner. "Of course, we're happy here, TJ. Who wouldn't be? And it's not really a privacy issue. It's just that this is your house and we would like to have one of our own."

"A man's home is his castle," Mare quoted.

"Exactly," Paula nodded strongly. "I think we're ready to have our own castle. This one is TJ's."

"You say you'll still be available?" TJ asked, as she tugged an earlobe. That question lightened the heavy atmosphere considerably. A flicker of amusement crossed TJ's face when sighs of relief issued from three throats. "What?" she demanded. "I'm not really the ogre you try to make me out to be."

Mare slipped an arm around her lover's shoulders and kissed her cheek. "We know you aren't, sweetheart," she agreed. Then as she pulled away she added, with a twinkle in her eye, "At least not today."

TJ narrowed her eyes and waggled a finger, pretending to threaten Mare. "You are going to get…" She hesitated, knowing the comeback that was waiting on Mare's lips. "Maybe I should say you are NOT going to get it," she finished, grinning at the cutely crestfallen look on her lover's face.

Paula spoke through her laughter. "Of course we would always be available. We sure wouldn't want to miss too many moments like this one." She winked at Mare who made a face at her. "We figured we could eat breakfast together, then be here early in the morning of each weekday to help with your exercises. We can still help with lunch and supper if we're here, and go home in the evenings. And we'd have our weekends free unless you particularly needed us."

"And we'd be conveniently close," Erin restated.

"Sounds like a plan. Keep me posted, okay?" TJ conceded. "Now… you gals might not have to work today, but I sure do. Will you be here for lunch?"

"Yeah, we will, TJ," Erin answered. "We plan to just laze around today, maybe ride the horses, maybe not." She looked up at Mare who had risen from her seat. "We'll take care of lunch today, Mare. You go ahead about your business."

"Great, Erin. Thanks."

TJ backed away from the island, turned around and started for her office, with Mare following. Mare trailed her into the room and waited for TJ to place herself behind her desk. She walked over to her lover and kissed the top of her head.

TJ looked up, smiling. "What was that for?"

"For keeping your temper with Paula and Erin when I know you're in pain. I was afraid you might lose it, but you didn't, and I'm proud of you for it."

"Paula kind of blindsided me with that idea. I had a bit of a struggle there for a few moments."

Her partner's wry admission broadened the vet's grin. "I know, but you controlled it." Mare moved behind TJ, put her hands on her neck and started a gentle massage.

"Ummmmmm, that feels good," TJ murmured. She leaned back into the warmth of Mare's hands and closed her eyes, relishing the tingling that Mare's touch transmitted through her body. "Then I figured that our having this place to ourselves in the evenings sounded pretty enticing, so why should I stand in their way?"

"You rascal, you," Mare teased. She lifted TJ's raven hair and kissed the back of her neck.

"Yes!" TJ encouraged. "That's the kind of massage I want. All over my body!"

"Sorry, darling," Mare laughed as she walked back to TJ's side. "I have to get to work soon and so do you."

TJ lifted a hand and Mare slid hers into it. "Mare, what do you think of my giving Erin and Paula a piece of ground to build a house on? I want to do something nice for them. I owe them a lot."

Mare leaned against the edge of the desk and clasped TJ's hand in both of hers. "Honey, I'm not sure that's such a great idea, not at the moment, anyway. I think it would be more satisfying for the girls to make their own way with this plan."

"But if they want to build, and to stay nearby, what could be better than to build here on the ranch?" TJ asked. "Besides, this place is so big, they won't be able to find any spot near enough, that doesn't belong to the ranch. Nearest other place would be the farm across the road, and nothing is for sale there."

Mare considered how she could help TJ understand the point she was trying to make. "Look, you have control of a huge corporation. You can pick up the phone and make a decision that has an impact on some part of the world. The rest of us don't have that kind of power. We only have power over some of the decisions that impact our own lives. Can you see that?"

Mare waited for TJ's nod, then continued. "Building their own home is a decision that should belong just to Paula and Erin. The rest of us need to keep out of it unless they ask for our opinions or our help. If you offer the ground now, TJ, it will look like you are trying to take over "management" of the idea. Sort of turning it into a Meridian project, instead of letting it be a simple home building. They deserve a chance to do this for themselves."

"But I only want to give them a piece of ground. Why would they feel like I was trying to manage it?"

Mare smiled at TJ's honest puzzlement. She lifted a hand and combed her fingers through the raven bangs that always tempted her touch. "You just have no idea of your power of intimidation, have you?"

TJ's lips twisted into her usual lop-sided grin. "Well, yeah, I do. But I use that in the boardroom and sometimes at the hospital. I don't intend to be using that here at home. I don't try to intimidate my friends."

Mare tilted her head and elevated an eyebrow, skepticism painted on her face in bold strokes. "Really?"

TJ fidgeted for a moment, then barked a short laugh. "Okay, so I do sometimes. But not this time. I'm not planning on intimidating Paula and Erin into doing anything."

"Good," Mare grinned. "What do you say, you let them call the shots? Just kind of hang back in reserve and if they need reinforcement, let them ask for it. Okay?"

TJ sighed. "Okay, I can do that. It's just that I want to help…"

Mare silenced her with a finger against her lips, then removed the finger and waggled it in time with her shaking head.

"Okay, okay, I surrender!" TJ declared, releasing Mare's hand and thrusting her bent arms halfway into the air.

Mare chuckled and pushed her lover's arms down. "No, don't surrender. You're the reserves, remember?"

"Right," TJ answered, smiling and crossing her heart. "Silent, until called upon."

"Exactly." Mare nodded and looked at her watch. "Whoops, I have to get moving; I have a couple of calls this morning. I don't know if I'll be home at lunchtime or not, but at least with the girls here you can eat on time today."

"No problem, except I'll miss you." TJ lifted her lips for Mare's kiss and they hugged. "Hurry home."

"You know I will," Mare promised.

********************

Tom sat in Bill Jacobs' empty office, leaning forward, with his elbows propped on the desk and the phone pressed against his ear. He had been happy to hear from his mother and they had a long and cheerful conversation. Now Tom had a favor to ask. Picking up a discarded pencil, he began to tap it on the desktop.

"Mother, can I ask you something?" Receiving an affirmative answer, he sucked in a breath and continued, "I'm really happy working here on the ranch. The men have accepted me and I'm beginning to feel more confident about myself and my decisions--something I needed, after making such a mess of things with you and TJ. I wondered if I could talk you into letting me stay awhile longer, maybe start college in the fall semester next year? I'd still be younger than most of my classmates."

He closed his eyes and grimaced as his mother reminded him of their earlier agreement. "Wait, Mother, wait, please," he implored. "You know how important TJ is to me. I wanted to meet her and Lance for years and I've missed out on getting to know Lance. I don't want to miss out on TJ. I'm never going to have a better chance to get to know her, to get her to care about me. I want to work on that, to have her accept me as her brother, and then spend awhile just being around each other. It's been weeks since she learned that I'm her brother and we've barely spoken. I need more time."

His expression smoothed and his eyes opened as his Mother didn't commit herself, but agreed to think about it. "Thanks, Mother. Please… just remember how long I've waited for this chance to know TJ. It may never come again." Tom's knuckles whitened from his grip on the phone but he spoke softly, "Harvard just doesn't seem quite as important to me right now as my sister does. Love you, too. Bye."

Tom hung up the phone and sat in deep thought, his fingers twisting the pencil around and around. I have to find some way to get to talk to TJ. Can't make up with her if I never see her. Maybe I can find a way to get her out to the barn when I bring the horses in this afternoon.

The snapping of the pencil woke him to his current surroundings. He grinned wryly as he looked at the broken pieces and realized his twisting fingers were the culprits. In his mind's eye, he recalled TJ at her desk, speaking with him, her fingers also tangling with a pencil.

Think maybe that's hereditary? He laughed at himself, knowing he was grasping at straws to show their connection, but his yearning couldn't be denied.

He looked at his watch and saw that it was time to round up Flag and the other two horses and put them back in the barn. With a heavy sigh he rose, tossed the pencil pieces in the wastebasket, and left to tend to that duty.

By the time he had brought the horses into the barn and fed and watered them, he had invented a plausible reason for TJ to come to the barn. He went into the tack room and phoned the house, automatically asking for Miss Meridian, as an employee would. He waited while Erin got TJ on the phone. "Miss Meridian, this is Tom. I'm in the barn and Flag has a bruise on her foreleg that I think you should look at. Could you…"

"I'll be right out," TJ interrupted and hung up. Moments later, she wheeled into the barn, coming right to Flag's stall. The palomino had moved to the edge of the stall as soon as TJ entered the barn. She whinnied and bumped her head against TJ's chest, bringing a broad smile to the previously taciturn features. "Hey, girl, what have you done," she asked, circling Flag's neck with her arms. "Let's take a look at your leg."

"You don't have to… do… do that, Miss Meridian," Tom stammered. He rested his arms on the top of the stall's side and looked at her with trepidation. Even in his anxiety, he admired the picture before him of a beautiful woman greeting a beautiful horse. "There's nothing wrong with her leg."

TJ dropped her arms and stroked Flag's nose as her lips pursed. "More lies, Tom?" she asked softly, not yet looking at him.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to talk to you and I didn't know how else to get you out here," he explained. He ran a hand through his hair and licked his lips, nervous tension suddenly drying his mouth. I thought I was prepared for this, but she scares the heck out of me. One word from her and I'm gone off this ranch without even one chance in a million of ever getting to know her.

He struggled not to flinch as TJ swung her powerful gaze onto him. "You could have just asked to see me."

"I was afraid you'd say no, since you're kinda mad at me right now." Tom's nerves jangled so strongly, he felt like his insides were being flogged.

TJ stared at him for a moment, her face expressionless. "Well, I'm here. Talk." Just then Flag bumped her again and she turned back to the palomino with a small spurt of laughter. Looping one arm around Flag's neck and ears in another hug, she rubbed her head against the golden cheek.

Stung by the difference in demeanor TJ showed Flag as opposed to the way she was treating him, her own brother, Tom blurted, "People are more important than horses, you know."

Tom's strangled words struck her eardrums, stirring a resonance in her heart. She turned her eyes back up to his, and pain arced between them. TJ laid her dark head against Flag's and continued to caress her as she spoke in an emotionally vibrant voice, her gaze still fastened to Tom's. "Flag has never hit me, kicked me, or beat me with a belt. She has never belittled me as a person, disapproved my thoughts or actions, or condemned my lifestyle… and she has never, ever lied to me."

The veiled accusation hurt all the more because of its truth. Tears oozed from Tom's eyes and he swallowed with difficulty. "I want to make that up to you, if you'll let me. I know I've made some mistakes, but I promise to learn. I've followed everything I ever heard or read about you and Lance, ever since I was old enough to know I had a brother and sister. I've fantasized a thousand times about meeting you." He sniffed and wiped his sleeve across his face, but he immediately restored eye contact. "I'm not your father, I'm your brother. I missed out on knowing Lance, but I don't want to miss out on knowing you. I want us to be a family."

The turmoil twisting TJ's thoughts didn't show on her face, but Tom glimpsed a tiny breach in the pain in her eyes. The kernel of hope that he had stubbornly nurtured in his heart slowly began to grow.

He walked to the end of the stall and knelt next to TJ, bringing his head nearly even with hers. "All I ask is a chance to let you get to know me… and learn to believe that I don't ever want to hurt you. Please."

TJ's eyes had followed him around and he felt like she was looking into his soul. A long moment passed before she spoke. "I'll give you a chance," she granted softly, "but I won't promise anything more than that."

"That's all I'm asking," he breathed. "Thank you."

Someone was approaching and he stood up, dusting off his knees, as Mare came through the barn door. "Hi," she smiled at TJ and gave Tom a wave. "Supper's ready. I tried to call you but you must not have your phone turned on."

She saw Tom's red-rimmed eyes and felt the emotional tension in the air. TJ seemed subdued, rather than rankled, so she turned to Tom with an invitation. "Why don't you come and eat with us, Tom? You've probably missed supper at the cookhouse."

Tom lifted his eyebrows and looked at TJ, who nodded and said quietly, "Sure, come join us."

Mare and TJ started toward the house with Tom behind them. "Tom?" the velvet voice reached back to him.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"You can call me TJ."

"Thank you… TJ." Tom's mood lifted and a small smile kept pulling at his lips as he followed his sister into the house.

Chapter 26

"I don't know, Paula. We've looked at everything on the list, but I honestly don't care for any of them." Bringing her gaze back from the run-down property they were parked next to, Erin turned toward her disappointed partner. The real estate office had given them a list of the few houses for sale in the Meridianville area and they had quickly worked their way through them.

Neither one of them wanted something right in town, but with farms and ranches making up most of the outskirts, the number of small places for sale was limited.

Paula began to slowly thump the side of her fist against the Land Rover's steering wheel. Erin watched in silence as several expressions played their way across her partner's face. Paula blew air out through her lips, shrugged, then turned to Erin with a bleak smile. "What do you think? Looks like we might have to stay at Meridian."

Erin turned full face to Paula and laid a stroking hand on her thigh. "Not necessarily. We can keep checking; maybe something will come on the market soon. I do have an idea, but you might not like it."

Paula raised her eyebrows and glanced down at Erin's moving hand. "I like your idea so far," she said, getting an impish grin and a pinch in return. "Ow!" she yelped with a laugh and smacked Erin's hand away. "I get pinched for saying something nice?"

"Do you want to hear my idea, or do you want to play around?"

"Do I have a choice? Ow!" Paula's leer changed to a look of mock-pain as Erin pinched harder. "You are bruising me, woman."

"If you behave yourself, I might kiss it for you later," Erin suggested.

"Oooooh, you have convinced me," Paula said, laughing, her mood lightened. "Okay. What's your idea?"

"Suppose we check out empty lots for sale? If we find one we like, we can hire a builder. It would take some time, but we could have the house we really wanted."

Paula sank back against the Rover's door, propped an elbow on the steering wheel, and put her fist against her chin. She sat there silently, gazing at Erin, her dark eyes narrowed and a small twist pulling at her lips.

Not sure what the look meant, Erin fidgeted and finally broke the silence. "Well?"

Paula nodded as though in deep thought. "I forget sometimes that you do have a brain under that curly mop."

Erin made a goofy grin and crossed her eyes. "I was smart enough to pick you, wasn't I?"

That earned her a snort of laughter. "Too bad you weren't smart enough to get a list of empty lots."

Erin pulled a sheet of paper from her breast pocket, unfolded it and waved it in front of her partner's shining eyes.

"Good job, girl! Point the way. Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky." Paula sat up and moved back behind the steering wheel while Erin sidled over next to her.

The curly-headed blonde slid an arm around her partner's waist and kissed her cheek. "I'm already lucky, Polly."

Paula glanced at her and smiled. "I'd say we're both pretty damn lucky."

She started the Rover and pulled onto the road as Erin, with a smile of her own, rested her head against her partner's shoulder.

********************

Exiting the kitchen, TJ wheeled through the hall and into her office. Sliding the chair in behind her desk, she activated the computer and called up the daily reports for Meridian Corporation. Within minutes she had settled down to her daily routine of running a multinational company. In truth, since the accident, TJ had been doing very little with the company: signing off on a few proposals, rubber stamping certain real estate purchases, reading the interim reports and just generally keeping herself up-to-date with what was happening. A quick tap to a button on her telephone got her straight through to her secretary Theresa.

"Good morning, Miss Meridian."

"Morning, Theresa. Can you tell Sebastian that I want a conference call with him and his department tomorrow? I want a little research done on medical centers and resources."

"No problem, ma’am. What time would you like it for?"

"Around eleven o'clock should be okay. Oh, and ask Richard to contact me sometime before that."

"Would you like me to get Richard for you now?"

"No, it isn’t anything urgent. Just ask him to give me a ring when he has a spare minute, between now and eleven tomorrow morning. Thank you, Theresa." Another tap to the phone and the connection was cut. TJ settled down to writing the proposal she had been considering since her return from the hospital.

Around lunchtime, TJ had no sooner gone into the kitchen, than she heard the girls coming in. It was a gorgeous day and they had asked for the day off to go house hunting. Glad to have a chance to make up for some of the occasions when her needs had usurped their free time, TJ willingly agreed.

She smiled as she looked out the window and saw Mare's truck come in right behind them. TJ headed to the counter, picked out four glasses, and was just removing the iced tea from the fridge when the three came pouring through the door, chatting. Erin and Paula greeted TJ then left for a moment to wash up before preparing lunch.

"Oh, boy, just what I need!" Mare sighed when she saw TJ filling the tumblers. "I would crawl across the floor for a glass of iced tea."

TJ held one up and crooked an eyebrow at her. Mare slinked across, making a show of swaying her hips, and kissed her. "Will that do?" she asked, laughing.

"One more walk like that and you can have the whole pitcher," TJ promised, handing Mare the glass of tea while a broad smile curved her full lips

Mare hesitated a moment, giving her eyes the pleasure of paying homage to her lover's beauty, then she gulped the tea and went to the sink to rinse her hands and splash her face. She grabbed a paper towel to dry with, opened a bottom cupboard door to throw it in the trash bin, then moved over as Erin and Paula returned.

"Mare, you and TJ go sit at the island, Paula and I will take care of lunch," Erin urged. Mare shook her head in vain protest, but joined TJ at the island.

"So, sweetheart, what have you been up to today?" Mare tugged on a lock of TJ's hair as she sat down.

TJ put her hand over Mare's and briefly rubbed the smaller one, just for the enjoyment of the touch. "I thought I would get plans started for the hospital I promised to build in Meridianville. A couple of my people are supposed to call me by tomorrow morning and I'm going to get something moving on it."

"Great! Thanks to you this place is growing quickly, and they'll really need a hospital soon." Mare's whole face showed the pride she felt for her partner's generosity. In a moment, her face turned pensive. "Maybe you could talk to Dad about ideas for a spinal cord injury wing. He might be willing to oversee setting one up."

"That's a good thought, Mare. Maybe I will."

Erin and Paula finished putting lunch on the table and sat down. Noticing that they were quieter than usual, TJ turned to Paula. "How did the house hunting go?"

"Didn't like 'em," Paula growled and tore a bite out of her sandwich.

Erin looked from her laconic partner to TJ and shrugged. "We checked everything on the market and nothing suited us. They were mostly big, older homes, not really what we want."

"Not even a decent building lot," Paula mumbled around her food.

TJ's brows went up and Erin explained. "We thought we might be able to find a lot and build a house to our own plans, but nothing attractive was available there, either."

Paula's tone gave in to the disappointment that was really fueling her rancor. "Too many farms and ranches, not much land left to build on," she muttered.

TJ looked at Mare, touched her thumb against her chest and lifted her brows even further until they almost disappeared into her bangs. Time for the reserve troops to come marching in?

Pursing her lips into a cute smile, Mare nodded imperceptibly.

TJ cleared her throat. "If you want, I could sell you a piece of ground."

Paula looked at Erin and saw her face light up as the idea struck a welcome chord. But the blonde, with a nod, deferred to her partner whose gaze then swung to TJ.

"You're talking about a real, honest-to-goodness sale, right?" Paula asked, her tone leaving no doubt that she wanted to pay her own way.

"Yep. You pick out any areas you are interested in and we'll have an appraiser come in and tell us what they're worth. When we're all satisfied on the one you want, I'll give you a ten percent discount and that's what you'll pay. How's that sound?"

Paula looked again at her partner, who nodded. The dark-haired woman reached across to TJ. "Sounds great to us, TJ. Thanks," she answered and they shook hands. "I bet Erin will have me running all over the ranch picking a spot," Paula teased her mate.

Erin made a face at her. "Thanks from me, too, TJ. And you forget, Paula, I have been running all over this ranch for months. I already can think of a couple of likely spots to show you as soon as we clear off the table."

"Guess I better get moving then, before you run off without me," Paula grinned.

"You guys go ahead," Mare insisted. "I have a little time before my next call. I'll clean up."

The words weren't completely out of her mouth before Erin was at the door. "See what I mean?" Paula laughed and followed her out.

Mare quickly cleared the table and stacked the dishes in the dishwasher. She turned around and saw a smile on TJ's lips. Walking next to her, she bent down and gave her a quick kiss. "Pretty pleased with yourself, huh?" she teased.

TJ took one of Mare's hands and brought it to her lips. "Pretty pleased with you, as a matter of fact. You were right about waiting to make them an offer. I think Paula, in particular, might have resented it if I had mentioned it earlier." TJ grinned wryly. "Like me, she kinda likes to be the boss."

"Really? I never would have guessed that," Mare said, then squeezed her lips together, trying to keep a straight face.

TJ pulled on the hand she held, bringing Mare closer. She reached up and slid her hand under Mare's hair, to the back of her neck, and spread her fingers up against her scalp. "That doesn't mean I always get to be the boss. Sometimes a certain green-eyed girl heads me off at the pass," she whispered huskily, pulling Mare's head down into a tender kiss of such sweetness that both hearts were soon thudding.

"Lordy," Mare panted when they parted. "You kiss me like that… and I have to go on a call." She glanced at her watch. "Like… now," she groaned. "Hold that thought, okay?" she begged. With a smile, she gave a speechless TJ another kiss, only this one was a quick good-bye, and she hurried out the door.

That evening after supper, Erin pulled a map of the ranch from the office files and brought it into the kitchen, spreading it across the table. She and Paula searched for the three spots they had decided on as possible home sites and pointed them out to TJ who marked them with a pencil.

"Three good choices," TJ said as she nodded. "All of those spots have a few trees to give you some privacy but at the same time are within reasonable walking distance of here." She looked at Paula with a grin. "If walking is ever reasonable."

The teasing was well deserved. Paula had two opinions about movement: why walk when you can ride and why ride when you can fly?

Paula's brown eyes snapped. "Well, that makes them within driving distance, too," she pointed out, bringing a chuckle from the rest.

TJ folded the map back up and reached across to lay it on the counter. "When I speak to Theresa tomorrow I'll have her get hold of an appraiser and we can go from there, okay?"

Erin got up and gave TJ a hug. "Thanks a million, TJ."

The raven-haired woman took the hand that lay against her shoulder and brought it down to clasp it in both of hers. "You and Paula are moving toward a new home together and Mare and I are moving toward a new life together. We've come a long way from Harvard, haven't we?"

"Yeah, we have," Erin agreed as a lump began to form in her throat.

TJ eyes softened as she looked up at her long-time friend. "The damn road's been pretty rocky sometimes but it looks like we finally have reached smoother going." TJ smiled and squeezed Erin's hand. "And look at the great neighbors I'm going to have! Who would have thought it?" she asked, laughing to ease the mood. "Do you think maybe you neighbors could join us in the living room for some popcorn and beer? That is, of course, if you make the popcorn. I think I can handle the beer."

"I get the remote!" Paula shouted, bringing a disparaging glance from Erin and Mare who then looked at each other.

"How come we never think to yell first?" Mare asked as she reached in the cupboard for the microwave popcorn.

"Maybe because we have better manners," Erin laughed, earning her a goofy face from her partner. She shooed Paula and TJ out of the kitchen. "You guys go fight over the remote; we'll bring the popcorn and beer."

Chapter 27

TJ paused in her typing when the phone next to her rang. "Meridian," she answered as she pulled the handset, wedged it against her ear, and continued typing.

"Hi, Miss Meridian. I have Richard on the line for you," Theresa's voice said.

"Great, Theresa. But before I talk to him, make a note that I will need an appraiser here at the ranch. Try to find me someone who knows land values in this area well."

"I'll find someone today and have him call you."

"Good. Put Richard through now and remind Sebastian that I want the conference call with him and his department before lunch."

"Yes, ma’am. I’ll get it arranged for you right now," Theresa's voice clicked off at the other end and Richard came on.

"Hi, Richard, how’s the family?" TJ started the conversation. Richard had been with her since the start. Just barely out of management training when they had first met, TJ recognized his potential and took him on as her assistant, showing him how she wanted things run and making sure that their vision for her company was the same. Within a few months they had been working like a well-oiled machine and she had given over running of several sections of the company to him, making him Vice President of Operations. It had really ticked off a few of the older generation in the company but TJ knew the results that Richard would produce would soon have them eating out of his hand, and she hadn’t been wrong. Richard now ran the company in TJ's absence, only passing on the things that he knew she’d be interested in or those that he wanted her input on.

"TJ, great to hear your voice. Margaret and the kids are good, except that Cindy wants to know why she hasn’t heard from her internet penpal for a while."

TJ winced. Note one to myself: write an e-mail to Cindy. "Tell her I’m sorry, Richard, and I’ll write to her this evening. I’ve sort of been caught up in things here."

"Ah, don’t worry, TJ. She knows you’ve had a lot of things on your plate recently. How’s the therapy going?"

"Yuck. It’s going, which is all I’m prepared to say on the matter," TJ chuckled into the phone. "Which brings me nicely into why I wanted to speak to you today. I want to start moving on the medical center I promised these people. I’m conferencing with Sebastian after this call. I'm going to give him the go ahead to contact our usual medical consultants and work up a plan, incorporating some suggestions I faxed over to him. He'll provide you with copies of everything once we've settled on which we'll use."

"Well our other projects are moving along well, and we definitely have the growth potential in that market. What exactly are you after?"

TJ relaxed back in her chair and stopped typing. "Everything."

Richard paused; this hadn’t been quite what he’d expected. When TJ had mentioned that she wanted a medical center he thought she meant a small local center. "When you say everything, what exactly do you mean?"

"Exactly that, Richard. I want a complete wellness center, a hospital complex that will knock the stuffing out of that one we just finished building for Springfield General."

"That’s one hell of an undertaking for such a small town TJ," Richard responded.

"Maybe, but that is what I want," TJ replied.

And what TJ wants, TJ gets, Richard thought, trying to rub away the headache that TJ had just handed him. "Okay, I’ll work out the budgeting after you’ve spoken to Sebastian. You do realize we aren’t going to see a return on this for quite sometime, don’t you? The shareholders might not be so pleased."

Sighing, TJ picked a pencil from her nearby caddy and started tapping her new victim against the desk. "I’m not particularly worried about getting a substantial return at this point. I just don’t want to have to make a two-hour drive or forty-minute flight to a hospital every time I need to see someone and I’m not overly thrilled that anybody else who works for me has to either. And right this second I don’t really care what the shareholders think."

TJ freed the phone from between her ear and shoulder and eased her bent neck straight again as she explained her intentions to Richard. "Meridianville is in the early stages of a growth spurt and has new investments coming into the area. The town council has already decided to limit the environmental consequences by setting strict guidelines."

Richard's thoughtful tone agreed, "Preserving the cleanliness of the resources will be a big plus for companies looking for uncontaminated places to build."

"Right," responded TJ. "Too many suburban enclaves are already overdeveloped and borderline polluted. A fresh, clean area like this is perfect for a large medical center. I want us to start as soon as possible so that we are well on our way here before another company decides to jump in."

"Okay, TJ, I’ll get on it."

"Thanks, Richard. Give my love to Margaret and the girls and tell Cindy to keep an eye out for that e-mail."

"Will do, TJ. Take care. I'll get back to you as soon as we get something on the move here."

TJ held onto the line as Theresa came back on and channeled her into the conference she had set up with her Medical Division VP. "Sebastian, I have a little project for you and your wunderkinder..."

Finished with Meridian for the day, TJ pulled her To-do list from the left-hand corner of the desk and perused it. Running a pencil mark through the items she had just completed, she sat there thinking for a few moments. Her restive fingers tapped the pencil against her pursed lips before jotting a few more notes onto the list. Finally she set the pencil down and stretched, reaching high into the air, then dropping her fists to shoulder height and reaching out to either side, then back again.

A growling stomach prompted her to check the mahogany clock on the wall. As her eyes lifted to it, she heard Mare's truck swing around the parking area. Great! Mare's going to be here for lunch.

Pushing away from the desk, TJ hurried to the kitchen, but Mare didn't enter. After a vainly expectant wait, TJ wheeled to the window and looked out. There was no sign of Mare. She must have gone around to her office. Now why did she do that? Wonder if she has to go right back out? TJ snorted in frustration but decided to go ahead and start fixing lunch.

As she mixed a can of chicken-rice soup in a pot, she heard voices coming from the vicinity of the hallway. Setting the pot on the range, she turned it to low and wheeled over to the hall. Mare was standing in her office doorway, holding the door wide open, and talking to a person behind her. As TJ came into view, Mare looked up the corridor and spied her. "Hey, TJ, guess who's joining us for lunch?" she called.

As soon as TJ realized Mare's office door was open, she glanced away, though Mare's body had prevented her from seeing into the room. She backed up quickly, returning at once to the kitchen, her emotions in turmoil. She couldn't work up any justifiable anger at Mare, but she was so disturbed that she had nearly been exposed to sight of the hated room that her hands were shaking. She clasped them together in her lap, trying to hold them still.

Oh, shit! Mare saw the expression on TJ's face and came running up the hall into the kitchen. Slowing to a walk, she moved toward her agitated partner. "TJ, I'm sorry," she said.

"You promised to keep that door closed," the dark-haired woman declared.

"Yes, I did, and I always have. I didn’t realize you would come out into the hall." I keep hoping you'll get over this… fat chance, from the looks of it. "Be fair about it, okay?" She put her hands over TJ's, pulled them apart and held one in each hand. Their shaking stilled and Mare lifted them to her lips for a kiss. "I've brought someone to share lunch with us," she gazed sweetly into TJ's cobalt eyes, and then tipped her head toward the doorway.

TJ turned slowly, and then forced a smile. "Hi, Barry, come on in."

Mare's assistant had hurried up the hallway behind her, stopping at the doorway when he saw Mare slow down. Now he was leaning against the doorjamb, his muscular arms crossed, puzzled about the conversation between the two women. He wondered why TJ seemed so upset about the office door being open.

"Hi TJ," he grinned. "My fault, Mare was holding the door open for me. We wanted to surprise you but I guess we should have been quieter." He straightened up and entered the room. "Sorry if we upset you."

Mare released TJ's hands and the raven-haired woman reached one out to Barry. "Glad you could join us, Barry. Have a seat at the table. You'll be more comfortable there." They shook hands and Barry sat down. Replaced in the lunch preparations by Mare, TJ wheeled her chair to the head of the table and slid it into place.

Barry turned his chair around to view both women and leaned an elbow on the table. A grin brought dimples to his round cheeks as he looked toward TJ. She sure does pleasure the eyes. "So," he said, "what's the big deal about the office door?"

TJ's head jerked back very slightly and she just looked at him for a moment. Then a grudging smile played at her lip corners. "You certainly are direct," she remarked dryly.

Mare stopped putting the sandwiches together and glanced over at TJ. Her breath caught, not knowing what reaction TJ might have to Barry's candid question. She noticed that her partner had stiffened at his first words, unbending only slightly in her reply. Swinging toward Barry, Mare surreptitiously shook her head, trying to discourage his questioning. Oh lord, Barry, please don’t set her off.

Undaunted, Barry's grin turned into a full smile, crinkling his hazel eyes. "Yep, I am. I learned a long time ago that most problems succumb to some kind of direct action, even if it's only a promise to yourself to take care of them. You let them hang around without a fight and they can take up permanent residence in you."

Mare could see the sense in what Barry was saying but she wasn’t sure TJ would be as receptive. She wasn’t too happy with him for bringing it up, either. He wouldn’t be the one who would have to deal with TJ if she blew up about this.

Struggling to control her mood, TJ looked down at her hands, clasped tightly together on the tabletop, and mulled Barry's rejoinder for a moment. She swept her powerful gaze up and smothered his smile as she pinned him with her eyes. "That room holds some extremely unpleasant memories for me. I don't want to enter it, see it or be reminded of it. Mare and I have an agreement about that."

Frowning, TJ pulled her gaze away for a moment. She didn't have to explain herself, but for some reason she felt a need to. Slowly she brought her eyes back to meet Barry's. "Surely there are some things in your life that you would rather not have to face. I’ve already had my share of them and had to face them down, but this is one I can do something about. Mare wanted that office and she got it but I don’t have to be a part of it. The choice is mine and I choose to turn my back on it."

Ouch! Guess I should have kept my nose out if I didn’t want it to get burned. Barry shook his head and grinned apologetically. "Hey, whatever. It's your call." He gave a little shrug and said wistfully, "I just can't imagine having a house as beautiful as this without calling every single part of it my home."

Exactly, Mare thought, her heart saddened. TJ needs to get over her hate of that office or her father still owns a part of the house. It will never be completely hers.

After Barry's last statement there was an awkward silence. Mare scrounged her brain for something, anything, to say and had just opened her mouth when Barry spoke again, with a nearly perfect diversion.

"You sure made a big impression on Bobby, TJ. We took him to the store to get a new red wagon, but he picked a black one with big, rubber-tired wheels… and named it 'TJ.'" His eyes twinkled as he saw a smile sneaking its way past TJ's reserve, and he answered with a wide one of his own. "Every time he gets in it I keep expecting him to yell, 'Go, go!'"

A laugh puffed from TJ's throat. "I had fun giving him a ride. I'm glad to hear he remembers it."

Thankful that TJ's mood had lightened, Mare set sandwiches and bowls of soup in front of each place, then added drinks, napkins and utensils. She settled across from Barry who turned in toward the table and followed her lead as she dug in.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, then TJ and Barry got into a discussion about the town fair that had been mentioned at their dinner party. Barry finished his last bite of sandwich and nodded his head when TJ asked about the Town Meeting. "I've been talking up the idea of an annual fair and people sounded pretty interested. At the meeting, I brought it up on the floor and it was discussed for about half an hour. The consensus was that people would like to have one, but the council decided that the first one would need a lot of preparation and should be postponed until next fall."

Mare had gotten up to clear the table and as she walked behind TJ's chair, she trailed her fingers across TJ's back. Her partner quirked a quick smile at her before turning back to Barry. "I'm really glad that they're going forward with the fair, but kind of disappointed that they want to wait so long."

Barry nodded. "Me, too. I got everyone excited about it and now they have almost a year to wait. Darn shame we couldn't do something ourselves instead of having to go through the town council."

"Why can't we?" TJ elevated an eyebrow.

Barry gave a little snort. "Do it ourselves? I don't think the council would be too thrilled about us taking over the town without their say-so."

TJ started cracking her knuckles, then grinned when Mare handed her a pencil. She sat for a moment in deep thought, twirling the wooden cylinder around and around. She stopped and fastened her eyes on Barry, who had been waiting for her response. "Meridian ranch is a lot larger than the town… and we have loads more free space."

Barry's eyes lit up and he nodded enthusiastically. "Have a fair here? That's a great idea!"

TJ smiled at his eagerness. "Well, maybe not a fair, that's a pretty large undertaking and the council is right, it would need a lot of time to plan. But how about a barbecue that everyone's invited to? Meridian would provide the beef and the people could bring covered dishes to share. That way everyone would be a part of it."

"Super, TJ. We could have games for the kids and the adults, too. Maybe even some of the local musicians would add their talents to it," Barry suggested.

TJ looked toward Mare who was leaning back against the counter, her arms folded, listening to the exchange "What do you think, Mare? You up for this?" TJ challenged her.

"Oh, yeah, I love the idea," Mare agreed, her green eyes dancing. "I'm sure everyone would like a chance to get a closer look at the ranch." And you.

"Okay, then." TJ turned back to Barry. "How about you and Berta heading up the planning committee for it? Maybe get some long-time residents on it, too, and get things moving?"

"Sure, TJ. Berta and I would love to help. Especially Berta; she's a born organizer."

"How soon do you think you could get it set up?"

"Mmmmm. Maybe six or eight weeks. That sound all right?"

"Perfect."

Mare pushed away from the counter. "I hate to be the party pooper, Barry, but we have to get back to work."

"Right," Barry said. He stood up and clasped TJ's shoulder before moving toward the door. "I'll get back to you about this."

"Fine, Barry." She looked up at Mare who had walked over to kiss her good-bye. "Will you be here for supper?"

"As far as I know, I will be. Bye-bye." Mare leaned down for the kiss, then followed Barry out the door.

TJ went to the window and watched them leave, then wheeled out into the hall and turned toward her office. She hesitated as her eyes fell on the door at the end of the hall and Barry's words jangled through her mind. 'I just can't imagine having a house as beautiful as this without calling every single part of it my home.'

TJ shook her head, but couldn't let the thought go. Why did I ever let Mare pick the one room in this whole place that I can't bring myself to enter? It's my lover's office, the heart of her work life and I can't share that with her. With a heavy sigh, TJ continued into her office.

Chapter 28

"Meridian," TJ barked as she answered the phone that was preventing her from winning her game of solitaire. She was supposed to be working but the proposals sent down from Meridian HQ hadn’t held her interest for longer than an hour. Mare was out working, Paula was at the plant and Erin was riding the range. TJ had been forced into playing mind numbingly simple games to keep amused, especially since Mare had twisted her arm into promising not to ride Flag again until Michael had given the okay.

"Sorry, TJ. I didn’t mean to disturb you," Gloria Raphaele greeted her.

TJ immediately lost interest in the card game and leaned back in her chair. "Mrs. Raphaele. What can I do for you?" TJ inquired formally.

She was still not entirely sure of how to take the woman her father had had an affair with for so long and whose family TJ couldn’t help but feel cheated her of the father she should have had. She had discussed this very thing with Peter at her last counseling session, less than a week ago. No matter how she tried she couldn’t shake the feeling that if her father hadn’t had another family that maybe, just maybe he would have been that much more paternal with her and Lance.

That little bit of resentment she managed to hide well from Tom and, more importantly, from Mare. She knew that, if her forgiving partner found out about it, she’d be in for several long chats about how it wasn’t Tom’s fault or even his mother's that her father had cheated her family. She loved talking with Mare but she knew that this was something she had to come to terms with by herself and Peter, strangely enough, agreed with her. Though he did point out that when she had worked through it and come to terms with her feelings that Mare was the first person she should talk to, with Tom and possibly even Gloria next.

"You know, TJ, I see no harm in your using my first name; you are looking after my son," Gloria replied.

"Sorry, Gloria, I was involved in something," TJ softened slightly.

"That’s perfectly all right. I was just phoning to see how Tom is."

Okay, go on tell her that you’ve only seen her son and your half-brother three times in the last month. "He’s doing fine. I haven’t had any complaints from the men and Erin seems happy with his work."

"That’s good to hear. Maybe he’s found his niche there. And what about you? How is the physical therapy going?"

TJ almost dropped the phone she was so confounded by the question. Why on earth should she care whether my therapy is going okay? It’s not as if I’m her concern. Then again I guess I am responsible for Tom. "Fine. I seem to be making some decent progress; my upper body strength is improving."

There was a silent pause. Oh hell, in for a penny, in for a pound. "Look, while I have you on the phone, what do you think about my arranging an internship with the Meridian Corporation for Tom? I'd like him to see some of the business dealings the corporation is involved in. Give him a chance to see if he would be interested in coming aboard when he graduates college."

TJ stopped speaking and waited for Gloria to answer. There was a long silence broken only by soft, slightly ragged breathing. Then Gloria's voice came, quietly at first then gathering strength. "TJ, that is more than generous of you. Tom has a good head on his shoulders and I think he would be thrilled with the prospect of joining his sister's company."

TJ closed her eyes and swallowed hard, trying to overcome the lump that suddenly formed in her throat. What am I getting so emotional about? I'm turning into a goddamned wimp.

She took a deep breath to steady herself and said, "If he is really serious about moving into this business then he’s going to need a good work background and I can give him that. Of course I’d tie the internship in with his gaining sufficient grades at college. The company offers several placements to different colleges and in order to qualify, he would have to maintain the same grades that they require."

"Have you spoken about this to Tom?"

"No, actually I haven’t. I figured it's best I have your approval for it before I go offering him something that you won’t allow." TJ heard a chuckle on the other end of the phone.

"I appreciate that, TJ, but believe me right now I’d settle for him just going to college. Still I’m sure with the incentive of the internship he’ll be wishing the new semester were here already. Talk to him about it; if he wants it then I’m all for it."

"In that case I will. Was there anything else you needed?" TJ inquired, her hand reaching out for the stack of pencils in her desk caddy.

"Not really. I just wanted to check on Tom and I didn’t think he’d appreciate his mother phoning the bunkhouse to do it."

"No problem. Feel free to call me at anytime and I’ll make sure he picks up the phone and calls you this week. I’ll probably have presented the offer to him by then; he can talk to you about it."

"Thank you, TJ. Give my best to Mare and the girls."

********************

Mare shut the door to her truck and paused to take in the glorious sunset before her. She had had a long and tiring day and was looking forward to relaxing for the evening. With one last glance at the fading colors she made her way into the kitchen. "Hi, guys," she said as she hung her hat on the stand.

Erin and Paula who were seated at the island looked up and smiled. "Hi, yourself," replied Paula. "Busy day?"

"Yep, too busy. I thought that taking on an associate would lessen the load," she said, settling onto one of the stools.

"Ha!" barked Paula. "Didn’t anybody teach you the first rule of business? More staff equals more work."

"Tell me about it. What about you two? Managed to keep out of trouble today?"

Erin snorted. "Well, some of us did; didn’t we, sweetheart?" She grinned over at her partner.

"Oh, now this sounds interesting. Care to tell me what happened?" Mare leaned forward and shot her own grin at Paula who dropped her head and groaned.

"I’ll get you a coffee, Mare," Erin said, standing up. "Want a refill, honey?"

"I’ll give you 'honey'!" Paula mock threatened. "No, thanks, and really, Mare, there isn’t that much to tell. I just got into a shouting match with one of our suppliers at the plant. Seems they thought that they could get away with trying to overcharge on their delivery. Needless to say they had no idea whom they were trying to cheat, and when I pointed out that they had been caught they weren’t too happy. They were even less happy when I told them just what company they had tried to cheat. Still, I got us a great discount from them over it, so all is now well."

"Sounds like you enjoyed that little argument way too much, kinda like another person I know. Speaking of which, where is TJ?" Mare asked as she received her mug from Erin.

"Where do you think?" Erin remarked. "I tried to pull her out of there at four, but she was having none of it. Theresa was on the phone and it seemed to be getting a little heated in there so I got out quick."

"Hell, wonder what’s got her riled up now." She took a quick look at her watch and noticed it was just after seven. "Well she’s coming out now whether she likes it or not. Has she at least had something to eat?" Erin shook her head. "I’ll kill her."

Erin laughed. "Haven’t we heard that before? If you do decide to carry out those threats tonight do it quietly, will ya!" she yelled after the retreating form of the vet.

Mare rolled her eyes as she heard her two friends break out into gales of laughter. She knocked on TJ’s office door then pushed it open and leaned against the jamb, staring in. TJ was lying back in her chair looking out of the window. She had the phone wedged between her shoulder and ear, her hands were playing with her proverbial pencil and she was totally oblivious to Mare’s presence.

"No, Sebastian, I didn’t ask for that. Well change it. That’s what I pay you for, isn’t it?" The tapping of the pencil became harder. "Are you being obstinate for the sake of it or are you trying to piss me off?"

Maybe I ought to go calm things down, Mare thought, entering the room. Then her lover burst into laughter.

"Hmm, that’s what I thought. You’d never get away with that if I were in Atlanta, sonny boy. Just remember I can still getcha even from here. Now change that neon yellow back to my cool, calm pastels and aunty TJ will be happy. Good, I’ll talk to you later. Bye bye, Sebastian."

"Sounds like you had a stressful day," Mare said from behind TJ, making her jump.

"Christ, woman, are you trying to kill me?" TJ looked over her shoulder at her lover.

"Hmm, well I told Erin and Paula I was considering it, but nope I wasn’t actually going to do it," she answered, leaning forward and kissing TJ’s presented cheek. "What're you up to?"

"Apart from contemplating firing Sebastian and his whole network of cronies, not a lot. You?" she asked, returning the kiss.

"Let me see. I was hoping that by this time I’d be either snuggled up or eating a pizza, or something. But it seems that my partner decided to work late, even though she promised me she wouldn’t push it too hard." Mare walked around TJ’s chair and looked at her accusingly.

"I wasn’t pushing things too hard. Besides I played hooky most of the afternoon." TJ tried to stare back but couldn’t’ resist smirking. "Anyway now that I have a good excuse to stop and play some more, I will."

"Oh, you think you’re gonna play tonight, do you?"

TJ wheeled forward till her chair was touching Mare’s legs and reached up to take hold of Mare’s hand. "You don’t want to play with me anymore?" She put the most pathetic hangdog look on her face and looked up at Mare.

Mare paused, gazing down at her partner’s soulful face. "Ah hell, what am I gonna do with you?"

The hangdog look turned decidedly wicked. "Oh, I could suggest a few things," she said slyly.

Mare laughed and slapped her arm away. "Food, then we snuggle and watch some TV. And then, and only then, will I consider anything else." She turned and walked out of the office with a decided swagger.

TJ focused her gaze a little lower than Mare’s face and smiled with appreciative anticipation before following her.

********************

Mare had finished her last call for the day at one of the farms on the other side of Meridianville. Heading home, she decided to stop at the post office on her way back through town. She was pleased to see a card from Jess.

Mare, we finally have a break in the action here. May be home before you read this. Will arrive Monday, about noon. Love, Jess.

That's today! Mare loped on outside, dropped the mail in the truck and hurried over to the grocery store. Maria Cidone, the young clerk, was behind the counter and her face lit when she saw Mare. "Hi, Doc. Did you hear that Jess is back?"

"Hi, Maria. I just got the news. Where is he?"

"He took his mom to Sharlesburg for dinner, said she wasn't going to work on his first night home. He said if I saw you I was to tell you that he will call when they get back."

Mare pulled out a business card and wrote the house's phone number on the back of it. "Leave this for him, will you please? Tell him to use this number."

"I'd be happy to," Maria agreed as she received the card.

"Thanks," Mare said. She gave the girl a quick smile and left.

When she got to the ranch, everyone was in the kitchen, nearly finished dinner. Mare gave TJ a quick kiss and set the mail on the counter. Erin jumped up to reheat the casserole while the vet went to wash up. Mare came back, loaded her plate with dinner and gulped it down without a word.

TJ eyed her with an incipient grin. "Hungry?" she asked.

"Lord, I was starved. No matter what time I eat lunch, four hours later my stomach thinks it's dinnertime. Thanks, Erin," she said belatedly, patting her midsection. "That hit the spot."

"No problem, Mare," the curly-haired blonde answered with a smile.

Mare looked around the table. "Guess what? Jess is coming home today!"

"Jess?" TJ inquired. Erin and Paula, who had risen to clear the table, looked at Mare blankly.

"You remember. I told you about him, the guy I grew up with. Jess Longwood. My best friend," Mare explained eagerly.

"Your best friend?" TJ repeated tentatively, eyebrows coming down instead of up. Mare's face had lit up with a special warmth and TJ wasn't sure what to make of it.

"My best male friend," Mare emphasized. Oh hell, I think she's jealous. As a matter of fact, Jess may be jealous of her. I never gave that possibility much thought. "I know I haven't told you a lot about him, but he's the one who's been out of town for months doing web design for some big clients. His mom owns the grocery store."

"Oh yeah, now I remember." TJ cleared her throat. "Will I get to meet him?"

"Don’t be silly, of course you will. I'm dying to have you two meet." At least I thought I was. Not too sure after hearing TJ's less-than-enthusiastic reaction. "I want him to meet all of you. You're my family."

That statement, issuing so matter-of-factly from Mare's mouth, thawed her partner's frosty attitude a little.

"Why don't you invite him to dinner tomorrow night?" TJ suggested. She even managed to quirk a half-grin. What the hell's the matter with me? Can't Mare have a friend? She didn't grow up here in a vacuum.

"I'd love to," Mare answered promptly. "Maybe you could ask Tom, too, and I'll give Dad a call. We could make it a whole family gathering. What do you think?" She swept her eyes around the table. "Everybody okay with that?"

Erin looked at Paula who nodded. TJ tapped her palm against the tabletop. "That's settled, then, providing Jess can make it. I'll line up Martha to cook again."

"Nothing fancy, though, okay? Jess is a real down-to-earth guy. I'll tell him to come in jeans and a sport shirt."

"That's good, I doubt if Tom brought anything dressy to wear, anyway. Make sure you let Michael know, too." TJ found herself looking forward to seeing Michael in a social setting. He always brought news of a totally different, but absorbing world.

Jess phoned later that evening, still out with his mother. When he had called the store to pass on a message to Maria, she had given him the number. Mare was thrilled to talk to him and ecstatic when he agreed to come to dinner the following evening. The chat was short; he had to get back with his mother, but he promised to fill Mare in on all his news the next day.

She hung up, her eyes aglow, and turned to see TJ watching her with an odd expression on her face. Mare walked over to her partner and picked up a hand, enclosing it with both of hers. "He's a very good friend, TJ. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Was he ever your lover?" TJ blurted out the words hoarsely, knowing she had no right to ask Mare that question, but unable to keep silent about it.

To her credit, Mare took no offense at the intrusive words, understanding it was TJ's insecurity speaking. "No. We love each other, but never that way." She raised TJ's hand to her lips and kissed it. "I've… been… with other women, TJ, but I've never been in love with anyone else. Only you."

TJ still seemed uncomfortable but Mare didn't know how to resolve that. Maybe she'll feel better when she meets Jess. Maybe.

********************

Mare was excited. She and Jess hadn't talked for several months, not even a phone call. What's with me and the strong, silent types? she chided herself. Though Jess was plenty talkative person-to-person. He just wasn't the keep-in-touch type. These last few months have been hectic for both of us. Hope he's going to be home for a while now; we have a lot of catching up to do.

Everyone who had been invited to the dinner was coming. They had set dinnertime a little later, at 7 o'clock, to give Michael a chance to join them. Mare informed TJ and the girls that Jess was coming earlier so that the two of them would have a chance to visit with each other for a while before the dinner. Mare waited at her office window, watching for Jess' arrival. When his truck pulled into the parking area she went flying out the door to meet him.

TJ and Erin were in the kitchen, finalizing dinner plans with Martha, when they heard the sound of Jess' truck. TJ turned toward the window and looked out to see a new Dodge Ram come to a stop on the blacktop. A tall man with a blonde, curly mop of hair stepped out and opened his arms just in time to catch Mare as she flung herself at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Picking her up, he swung her around twice before setting her back down with a laugh. They continued to hold each other for a minute, talking away.

TJ's voice sounded ragged. "Doesn't anyone in this county drive a car?"

Erin leaned down next to TJ to look out the window. When she happened to glance at the wheelchair to keep from bumping into it, she saw TJ's hand clenched around the armrest, her knuckles turning white. She reached her arm toward her friend and rubbed her palm lightly against her tense back. "Hey, honey, relax. He's just a friend, remember?"

"Would you be so calm if that were Paula out there wrapped around him?"

Erin looked back out. "Hmmmm, I see your point. But Paula doesn't go for guys and Mare doesn't either, does she? Look at the bright side… at least she hasn't kissed him on the mouth." The words were no sooner spoken than Mare reached up, pulled Jess' head down and gave him a quick kiss on his lips.

Erin felt TJ's body jerk then the raven-haired woman twirled the chair away to the other side of the kitchen, her face a stone mask.

Uh oh, Erin old girl, you said the wrong thing that time. She watched as Mare twined an arm in Jess' and led him toward the house. A moment later, they entered and Erin greeted them with a smile.

"Erin, this is Jess. We've known each other forever. Jess, this is Erin Scott. Besides being a great friend, Erin oversees the ranch."

Erin moved to shake his hand, looking up at a rectangular face with bluish-gray eyes, a high-bridged nose and a narrow mouth stretched into a friendly smile. "Hi, Jess. Glad you finally made it home so we could meet you."

"Thanks, Erin, I'm glad to be back." Jess heard a creak behind him and turned to see a vision that took his breath away. His eyes widened as he looked into an intense blue gaze.

He heard Mare's voice but for a split-second he couldn't move. "Jess, I'd like you to meet TJ Meridian… my soul mate." That TJ's face was tightly closed would not be obvious to someone who didn't know her, but Mare could see it and was concerned about what TJ's reaction to meeting Jess might be.

When TJ reached out a hand and said hello, Jess returned to earth, slightly embarrassed and flustered at having stared at Mare's lover. "Mare told me you were beautiful and I figured she was saying that because she's biased. But I was wrong." He took TJ's hand. "I mean, she was right, you're gorgeous. I mean…" An endearing blush appeared on his cheeks and he quickly dropped TJ's hand. "Sorry, I'm not noted for my smooth talking."

Jess' candor was disarming. A grin tweaked the corners of TJ's lips, then grew into a smile. "You're doing fine, so far," she said in her rich contralto. "Welcome to Meridian ranch." She heard Mare release a breath and glanced her way, raising an eyebrow.

"We're going to grab a couple of beers and go back to my office. I want Jess to see what I've done with it. Give me a buzz when Dad gets here, okay?"

"Sure, no problem," TJ agreed, doing a good job of hiding her disappointment.

Mare put her arm through Jess' and started for the office. On the way, she introduced him to Martha as the cook came into the kitchen from the dining room and busied herself at the counter.

TJ accepted that Mare wanted some private time with Jess. What was hard to accept was that he would be taken into the room that TJ would not enter. She pulled her mind away from that thought as Erin put a hand over hers. "He seems like a nice guy, TJ."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" TJ forced a wry grin. "He does seem like a nice guy and I know I'm having an attack of stupid jealousy. It's just… " For the first time in a long while, TJ's constant pain showed in her expression. "I can't walk arm in arm with Mare. I can't hold her hand and stroll next to her. I can't pick her up and twirl her around. Hell, I can't even stand up and kiss her." TJ's voice had a raw edge to it.

Erin squatted down, leaned her arms on TJ's knees, and looked up into her eyes. "That's true, TJ, there are a lot of things you can't do and we can't change any of that. But there is one huge thing you have to keep in mind that should help you cope with this little attack of jealousy."

"I'm listening."

Erin's eyes grew more intense. "When Jess leaves here, Mare stays. And just about the time Jess goes to bed tonight, Mare will be crawling into your bed and snuggling up against you. I suspect you look at your relationship as Mare giving you the love you need and want but that works both ways. You give her the love that she needs and wants, too. If she had found that with Jess, she would be going home with him. But she's yours, TJ, just as sure as you are hers. You need to feel secure about it."

TJ frowned then nodded at the sense of what Erin said and a lopsided grin worked its way onto her face. "Why does everyone else see these things so much more clearly than I do?"

Erin grinned back at her. "Your brain was made to run huge corporations. We people with ordinary run-of-the-mill brains are more in tune with the emotional stuff. But we'll keep working on you. Maybe some day you'll catch up."

"Yeah, like you guys have run-of-the-mill brains," TJ laughed.

Erin stood up and gave her a hug. "Let's go find Paula. She was supposed to check on the supply of drinks."

********************

Mare was proud of her office and Jess showed suitable appreciation of it, giving it a thorough inspection and remarking on how it suited Mare. He stopped in front of a shelf that held four pictures and picked one of them up.

"This is a great picture, Mare. What were we then--fourteen? That was freshman year when I was on the Junior Varsity football team and you were on the high school newspaper. Look, you even have your interview notebook with you."

Mare walked over beside him. "That was the day you were picked to move up to Varsity--the first boy in the history of Meridianville who had achieved that. And I was interviewing you for the school newspaper. Mom took that picture."

"I'll have to get a copy of it," Jess said as he put it back on the shelf and picked up the next picture. This was a formal one of Mare's mother. He reached with his other hand and took the next picture, holding them side by side. "Your mom was a beautiful woman." Then his eyes moved to the picture in his other hand. "But this just has to be your dad. You look just like him!" He looked down at Mare and raised questioning eyebrows. "I don't remember ever seeing a picture of him before. He died when you were little, right?"

"Boy, do you have a lot of news to catch up on!" Mare exclaimed. "He's not dead; in fact, you'll meet him tonight at dinner. Let's go sit on the couch and I'll start the explanations."

"Sure," Jess agreed, his curiosity piqued. He set the pictures back on the shelf then picked up the last one. It was a snapshot of Mare and TJ sitting on the living room floor, their legs stretched out in front of them and their backs against the couch. Their arms were wrapped around each other and TJ's head was lifted in a hearty laugh that made her eyes sparkle while Mare looked up at her with a loving smile.

A prickle of resentment surprised Jess. He had been the most important friend in Mare's life for a long time, and she in his. Okay, man, now she has someone who is more important to her. You knew it had to happen sooner or later. Get used to it.

Mare had been watching Jess' face. After seeing TJ's first reaction, she almost expected Jess'. He looked up at her and forced a little smile. "You really love her, huh?"

Mare nodded. "I do. And you'll see why when you get to know her. TJ's had a lot of emotional problems and she still has a lot of physical pain so sometimes she gets pretty edgy. But she has a huge heart… and she's given it to me." The amazement that Mare felt at this fact showed in her face. Jess saw the look and accepted that Mare had given her heart away, too.

He gave her a hug. "If she makes you happy, Mare, that makes me happy. Even if I don't like sharing you," he chuckled.

"Thanks, Jess. But don't worry, you'll always be my best male friend," Mare tugged on his arm and grinned at him.

"Guess I'll have to settle for that," he sighed melodramatically in an attempt to hide the foolish little hurt he felt. He knew he would get over it… eventually. He took Mare's arm and moved toward the couch. "Now let's hear that explanation about your dad."

********************

When Michael arrived for the dinner, he strode right to TJ and gave her a hug and a kiss, which she returned with sincere appreciation. Even in jeans and a flannel shirt Mare's father projected an air of debonair sophistication. TJ took advantage of their few minutes alone to let him know that the project for a new hospital/wellness center for Meridianville had been put into motion. "I'd like to get your input for the spinal cord injury department we intend to incorporate into the plans. Would you consider sitting on our board of consultants?"

"I'd be honored to, TJ. Just have your people get in touch with me when they're ready for me."

TJ nodded. "I'd also like you to consider being in charge of the department once the hospital is completed. You could have the latest technology and the best brains we could get together. Money is no object."

Michael smiled and rubbed his hands together in a familiar gesture. "Now that is mighty tempting. I'll give it some thought and get back to you on it."

The mix of people at dinner turned out to be an unexpectedly convivial one. Jess held forth for a while about web site designing, entertaining them with some tales about the various unnamed companies he had worked for. Astute questions from TJ, Michael, Paula and even Tom impressed him with their grasp of his business. He promised TJ to call for an appointment to show her his portfolio.

Michael added a few stories of his own from both the medical and musical worlds. Tom's private schooling had provided him with an education in classical music that enabled him to take part in an animated conversation led by Michael and Mare. Erin, Paula and Jess were quick to champion current music trends while TJ sipped her wine and moderated the friendly discussion with an occasional remark accompanied by an uplifted eyebrow.

The emphasis on music led to a natural migration to the music room where Erin and Paula plugged in their guitars, Jess pulled a beat-up harmonica from his pocket, and Michael and Mare shared the piano while everyone sang. After two songs, it was evident that Tom shared his sister's singing talent and the two of them were persuaded to sing a few duets.

Finally, the evening ended, each guest said his good-byes and the house quieted down for the night.

Mare had helped TJ prepare for bed and was just pulling on a T-shirt, finishing her own preparations. As she approached the bed, she saw a smile curl across TJ's lips so she sat on the bed before turning out the light. "And what's that cat-that-swallowed-the-canary look for, if I may ask?"

"Just thinking about something Erin said to me earlier today. Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

Realizing that the subject had been blatantly changed, Mare turned off the light and got under the sheet, snuggling against her lover. TJ's sigh of contentment melted right through her. "I had a super time. Jess seemed to fit in well with everybody and that really pleased me. Dad obviously liked him and even Tom was downright sociable."

"He was, wasn't he? I was impressed with Jess. And I had a good time, too."

"Glad you did. I was especially thankful that you and Jess didn't strike sparks off of each other," Mare admitted dryly.

"Now why would we do that?" TJ asked innocently, then grunted as a finger stuck her in the stomach.

"Because neither one of you sounded too friendly earlier today." TJ could feel Mare's grin against her breast. "Though I have to admit it's good for a girl's ego to have two people jealous over her."

This time it was Mare's turn to get a finger stuck in her stomach. "Well, I'm not jealous anymore," TJ declared. At least, not too jealous.

Mare's eyes had adjusted to the darkness and when she tilted her head back she could see the gleam of TJ's wide smile. "And what cured you so fast?"

"Something Erin told me."

Mare sighed in mock exasperation. "That's the second time you mentioned something Erin told you. What the heck was it?" She laid her head back against TJ's breast.

"She noticed that I wasn't being too sensible about Jess and she gave me a reminder." A quiet laugh rumbled softly through TJ's chest as she recalled the words, delighting in their truth. "She said Jess would leave tonight, but you would still be here in our home… snuggled up next to me." She gave Mare a squeeze and got one back. "And here you are."

"And here I'll always be," Mare promised. Oh, TJ, when will you truly believe that you'll never have to travel any road alone anymore? I'll never leave you.

They lay together quietly and were beginning to drift into sleep, when Mare murmured. "I love you, TJ."

Long arms tightened around her, TJ's head moved and warm lips lightly brushed her forehead. Then she felt the low rumble of the voice that caressed her soul. "Mmmm… love you, too… always."

Chapter 29

A couple of weeks had passed since Jess' return and he and Mare had managed to have a few short visits in town when Mare's calls took her through Meridianville. Each time, she had made a full report to TJ, hoping to make her partner more comfortable about her friendship with him. It seemed to be working as TJ gradually appeared to be accepting his presence in Mare's life.

This morning, Mare was home, standing in the barn, watching Tom come across the field. "Hi, Tom," she greeted the youngster as he entered the barn. "I asked Bill to send you over to help me give Flag a bath. You two get along so well, I figured you would both enjoy it." And maybe make a few more points in your sister's good graces. Mare had a bucket of warm water with shampoo already mixed in. Next to it lay a couple of sponges for washing, and a scraper for drying. "I'd like her to look special for TJ."

"Sure, Doc, I'd be happy to help." Tom fetched a coil of rope hanging against the wall. "Better than being outside right now, anyway. Looks like a storm might be brewing. I saw a bunch of lightning bolts zigzagging through the air." Tom's hand soared through the air, jumping jaggedly to imitate the bolts. "Then ka-boom!" He slapped his hand against the plywood side of an empty stall with a thunderous noise. Everybody jumped--the horses and Mare, too.

"Whoops, sorry," he grinned, not looking at all penitent.

Mare chuckled as she glanced outside through the back entrance of the barn. A little less stoic than his sister. "Yeah, I've been hearing it for a while, too. Occasionally we get some weird weather. One time you might just see lightning and no rain and next time there will be a downpour with it." She stood for a moment watching the irregular path of several bolts. I'm not too fond of lightning, she thought, recalling the episode when Runny shied and threw her. Even the sky looks strange.

"Awesome, huh?" Tom remarked as he followed her gaze. "It's not raining yet, but we could probably use it." Tom slipped a rope onto Flag's halter, noticing that she was a little fidgety this morning, in spite of her earlier run. He led the palomino out of her stall to a post next to the hallway, and tied her to a ring. Paula's horse, Runny, started neighing and kicking the sides of her stall. "How is TJ today?"

"Welllll, she was a little grouchy today, so I thought I'd better steer clear of her for a while," Mare admitted sheepishly. A little grouchy? Her moodiness has vastly improved but she was a bear at breakfast and none of us knew why. At least she didn't single out any one person to pick on.

Attentive for a moment to Runny's unusual behavior, Mare watched the animal acting up. You don't like this weather either, do you, girl? Lightning's not one of our favorites. Erin's placid black mount, Ebonair, shifted restlessly in her stall, but otherwise seemed to pay no attention to the ruckus.

Tom walked over toward Mare and grinned. "Does TJ have a bad temper?" Tom relished every tidbit he heard about his sister, eager to learn as much about her as he could.

"Bad?" Mare snorted a laugh. "Scary is more like it. Let's just say we all try to keep her nice and calm for a good reason." She stuck her hand in the bucket to test its temperature. Satisfied, she reached for the bucket to take it nearer Flag.

Suddenly, there was a bright lightning flash, accompanied by booming thunder, almost directly overhead. Mare stopped and cringed, then tried to make light of her nervous reaction. "Tom, will you stop hitting that plywood?"

Tom turned his twitch into a shrug, and slapped the wood again in weak imitation of the real thing. "Wasn't me. I can't compete with that."

Another flash glared and a cracking thunderclap, even louder, made them both jump. The whole barn shook, causing a strange rumble in the loft above Mare and Tom. "What the heck was that?" Tom asked, startled. He looked up toward the loft and his jaw dropped.

Alarmed at the look on his face, Mare's eyes swerved up, then widened. They both froze in disbelief as they saw badly stacked bales of hay sliding straight toward them. Neither moved quickly enough to evade the cascading avalanche. Dropping from the top of a stack 15 feet above the ground, two of the 60-pound bales tossed Tom toward the floor, slammed his head into the wall of Runny's stall and knocked him out.

The end of the first bale to hit Mare struck against her shoulder at an angle. As she went down, her head smashed into a post, plunging her into oblivion. The rest of the dislodged bales piled on top of her, their weight pinning her to the hallway floor.

The lightning had demolished the electrical box and charged through the barn's wiring. As it short-circuited wires throughout the building, the overload knocked out the smoke alarm system. Wires began to smolder, then burn, extending tentacles of fire toward anything nearby. Flames quickly ran up a wall, hungrily devouring the loose hay in the loft. A tongue of fire pounced on the bales still remaining, then slathered to the roof like a ravenous predator, ignoring… for the moment… the helpless bodies sprawled below it.

********************

TJ slumped uneasily in her chair, frowning at the figures on the computer screen. The corporation is running relatively smoothly, the ranch is up to capacity and the packing plant is chugging along at full steam--everything is moving along really well. Wonder when the bad news is coming? The dark-haired woman grimaced at her own macabre attempt at humor. C'mon, TJ, stop looking for trouble. You've been antsy all morning. With exaggerated care, she put down the pencil she had unconsciously picked up to twirl. Time for a coffee break.

As she wheeled across the hall, she heard a great clap of thunder. Wow! That sounded right on top of us. Funny it's not raining. As TJ approached the kitchen, a bright flash of lightning surged outside the window, and thunder boomed simultaneously, seeming to fill the house. Brrrr. A little nerve-wracking when it's that close!

She ate a doughnut, then fixed herself a mug of coffee and carried it to the window. Wonder what Mare is up to in the barn? She's been out there for a while. Probably keeping out of my sight since I growled at everyone this morning, TJ thought with a pang of guilt. She sipped her coffee and watched a tendril of smoke lazily emerge from the roof of the barn.

Smoke? she thought, then the word burst from her throat. "Smoke!" She pushed the button on the arm of her chair and her heart sank as she remembered that Paula and Erin had gone into Meridianville. No help available there. Wheeling to the island, she thrust down her mug and grabbed for the cell phone. Quickly pushing 911, she shouted to an inquiring voice, "Fire at Meridian ranch. In the barn." Next she punched in the number for Bill's office. While waiting for him to answer, she tightened her seat strap and hurried over to the door. It took precious, frustrating moments for her to get the door open and maneuver outside. She smelled smoke as soon as she hit the outside air. "Bill!" she yelled as he picked up the phone. "Fire in the barn! Send some men!"

"There's only me and Carlos, but we're on our way!"

"Shit!" TJ tossed the phone into the carrier pocket on the side of her chair and rushed toward the barn, noting with alarm that the smoke was growing heavier each moment. Flames did a devil dance along the roof peak as wild neighing and kicking warned of horses in distress. Where the hell is Mare?

Hurrying through the entrance, TJ paused to reconnoiter the situation. Bales of hay, some smoldering, lay jumbled every which way in the hallway. Flames shot from the roof and loft, generating thick smoke, and in several places the walls were rapidly becoming involved. Heat steadily built, already drawing sweat from TJ's body. It trickled down her face and chest, dampened her underarms and made her hands slippery against the wheels.

A few bales moved, and TJ's heart leaped. "Mare?" Before she could maneuver around other bales to get to them, they toppled out of the way and Tom scrambled to his feet, coughing heavily. Tom's here? "Tom! Where's Mare?" TJ shouted at him, but he seemed dazed. "Tom! Wait! Where's Mare?" Still coughing, he stumbled through the bales to the entrance, just beyond TJ's reaching hand.

Flag, knowing TJ was near, pawed uneasily at the floor and neighed for her attention. Frightened by the billowing smoke, searing heat and roaring fire, Runny and Ebonair screamed and thrashed about in their stalls. A blaze spread through the tack room and exploding bottles and cans lent their sounds of destruction to the clamor. The fire burned off odors as they formed, leaving acrid remnants to add their stench to the almost overpowering foulness of the smoke.

Fire raged up the walls, bouncing red reflections from every shiny surface in the building, including TJ's agonized eyes. "Mare! Mare! Where are you?" TJ yelled in vain, knowing that the noise level overran her voice. The discordant uproar clanged inside her head, heightening her soul-searing frustration.

Heat surged against and through her as she searched the area frantically, her heart threatening to burst. Blood surged and pulsed through her brain, shrieking urgency. For god's sake, Mare, where ARE you?

She gasped when her frenzied gaze at last spied a black boot, barely visible beneath the fallen bales. Just as her desperately questing eyes found her beloved vet, a burning chunk of loft flooring dropped onto several of the bales that partially covered her, setting them alight. TJ stared in helpless horror as it tumbled further, landing on the floor near Mare, its flames reaching toward her face.

"God Almighty, Mare! Hang on! I'm coming!" Her chest heaving for air and eyes running with tears, TJ grabbed a pitchfork from the wall. She rubbed sweat-slicked hands on her pants, vaguely aware that her clothing felt super hot. But nothing else mattered; Mare needed her. Fear for her endangered lover increased her strength to superhuman proportions. Straining mightily, she forked up each of the burning bales and, fighting to keep her balance, pitched them away. Unable to push the flaming floorboard aside without endangering Mare even more, TJ's mind went into overdrive, racing for a solution.

Two agonizing seconds ticked past, seeming to take forever. Then she jerked into action, using the pitchfork's tines to snag the blanket still hanging from the side of Flag's stall. Tossing it over the piece of board, she smothered the hungry flames, then swiped at her streaming eyes with her arm.

The raging blaze in the roof sucked at the oxygen in the barn and pulled hot air across TJ's body, painting painful stripes on her exposed skin. Her sweat-soaked hair and clothing clung to her, providing temporary protection, while draughts drawn in through the open-ended hallway brought brief respite from the oppressive heat.

Nearly crazed by the thought that the loft could drop another piece of burning floorboard at any moment, TJ attacked the remaining bales with the fork, fighting like a maniac to move them, heedless of where they landed. Coughing hard, she had to stop every few moments to catch her breath, frighteningly aware with each lost second that the loft could totally collapse at any moment and drop flaming bales onto both of them. On grit alone, grunting with each painful exertion, TJ hoisted the bales, one by one, and furiously flung them out of the way… until finally her lover was free.

TJ screamed in frustrated anger as another huge section of loft broke off and dropped behind her chair, blocking a clear way to the door. I got her free, now what? She looked at the maze of burning bales. No way I can take Mare through that. We'd burn trying to weave the chair through and there's not enough time left to crawl out.

TJ's tearing eyes swiftly scoured the smoke-filled barn, searching for an answer. Flag can do it! Recklessly she wheeled between two of the blazing bales to an unburned coil of rope hanging on a nearby post, and snatched it down. Dropping it into her lap, she propelled her chair rapidly to Flag. "C'mon, my faithful girl, you have to help me with this. Mare needs us," she spoke urgently but as soothingly as possible to the palomino, as coughing racked her body. The burgeoning heat beat against her, evaporating her sweat and tears, and warning that time was running out. Quickly tying the rope around Flag's neck, she unfastened her from the post ring.

Pieces of the barn roof crashed toward the floor, igniting everything flammable that they touched. Runny and Ebonair pounded against their stalls, stung by hot embers. The animals' terrified screaming and crazed kicking, the fire's frightful roaring and the ominous explosions of bottles and cans created a hellish symphony of demented dissonance.

Clamping the rope between her teeth, TJ dashed furiously back through the bales to Mare, pulling a nervous Flag with her. Unbuckling the seat strap and thrusting herself out of the chair, she dropped onto the concrete. Every pounding beat of her heart prayed that she could save her lover. Gods, Mare, I gotta drag you outta here, sweetheart. Just hope I don't make any injury inside of you worse. That thought paralyzed her motion for a split-second. Suck it up, TJ, you've got no choice; you've gotta just keep moving, no matter what. Hastily, she looped the rope around Mare and tied it tightly. She placed a loop around herself and her heart leaped with gratitude as Tom came charging back in. "Tom, get the horses," TJ shouted, pointing toward the panicked animals.

Tom saw TJ taking care of Mare. He couldn't hear over the noise, but, without breaking stride, he followed her finger and hurried to Runny. He struggled to put a lead rope on her and move her from the stall, but he had a fight on his hands. The terrified horse tried to run deeper into the barn, away from the burning loft. Tom dug in his heels and used all of his strength to turn her. Feeling like his arms might pull from their sockets, he finally got Runny headed out the back door into the corral.

Bill Jacobs and Carlos pulled in and hit the ground running. Dashing into the barn, they made their way through the thick smoke toward the figures they could barely see on the floor, lying among the blazing bales. Before they reached them, the figures moved.

"Okay, Flag, get us outta here, baby." TJ clucked a command and the golden mare stepped quickly through the maze, dragging the two women toward the entrance. Mare and TJ swerved against the sides of some of the bales, but the flames shot upwards, never touching them. Bill and Carlos were astounded. "Get the other horses!" rasped TJ, as she and Mare went past them, unaware that Tom had freed Runny.

The two men grappled with Ebonair to get a lead rope on her, then wrestled her toward the back door. Just as they exited, the main roof caved in with a loud whoosh, showering sparks high into the sky. Still hot, the glowing embers rained back to earth. Both horses were outside and the falling sparks unsettled them even more. At first trying to help out, then realizing that Bill and Carlos could deal with the spooked horses, Tom raced around the fully engulfed building to check on TJ and Mare.

"Whoa, Flag," TJ called when they had been pulled across the driveway onto the grass, a safe distance from the inferno. Giving the palomino's leg a grateful pat, she untied herself and Mare. TJ's throat, eyes and skin hurt but she feverishly began to examine the still unconscious woman, scrutinizing her for injury. "Mare, my god, Mare, speak to me, please, speak to me," she implored over and over in a raspy voice.

The flaming floorboard had singed Mare's eyelashes and eyebrows and lightly burned her face and ears. TJ shuddered at how near Mare had come to having her beautiful face scarred by the fire. A bump protruded from the side of her head, but when TJ carefully lifted her eyelids, her eyes looked fine.

When the roof caved in and sparks fell from the sky, TJ pulled Mare close to protect her from the burning shower. Reaction to the heart-wrenching tension of fighting to save her lover set in, and TJ started to cry. "I love you, Mare. I love you. Please be all right. I'll do anything you want me to, if you'll just be all right. Anything." TJ caressed Mare's golden hair and brushed gentle kisses on her unresponsive lips and face. "I can't bear the thought of something bad happening to you," TJ continued her impassioned plea, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

The wailing sirens of the fire engines and ambulance aroused her from her absorption. She needed to call Erin and Paula, but she remembered that the cell phone was in the pocket of the doomed wheelchair. Dashing the tears from her eyes, she lay there with her arms around her love, protectively hugging her warm body close, willing their nearness to convey a silent message of love.

When the fire engines and ambulance pulled up at the barn, TJ insisted that the paramedics take care of Mare before checking on her. They gently removed her from TJ's arms and laid her on a stretcher. TJ accepted a pillow to prop herself up with, but refused to be put in the ambulance. "No way. I'm fine. You take care of my partner first." TJ scowled up at the paramedic. "And let me know how she is," she barked in a scratchy voice.

TJ's name and reputation had earned a lot of respect in these parts. The paramedic's practiced eye could see that, although she obviously could use some attention, she didn't appear to be seriously injured. Giving in to her demands, he reluctantly left her and joined the other attendant at Mare's side.

Tom ran into the driveway area and saw TJ and Mare in the yard with the medics. Flag was standing quietly off to the side. The palomino, rope still twined around her neck, nibbled the grass, totally disregarding the commotion of the firefighters. Right, girl, you take it easy, you did your job.

Tom took a moment to speak to the fire chief, letting him know that there were no people and animals still in the barn. The chief was astonished when Tom told him that TJ had entered the burning barn in her wheelchair and used her horse to pull out the vet. Tom assured him it was true, then trotted over to where TJ lay in the grass.

Tom squatted next to his sister. "Are you okay, TJ? How's Mare?" His sister's red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes swept up to him and he felt the jolt of their power. She's got to be beat and she still radiates strength, he thought admiringly.

"I'm fine, Tom. I'm waiting to find out about Mare." Tom reached out a hand and TJ, attempting a tired smile, grasped it. "What happened in there, Tom?"

"I'm not too clear on that, TJ. All I remember is hearing a loud crack that shook the barn, then a rumble. And looking up and seeing a truckload of hay coming at us. Then, boom! I was knocked for a loop. I must have gotten up somehow, 'cause the next thing I remember was coming to, out here, and realizing that Mare must still be inside. That's when I came running in."

The medic left Mare's side and loped over. "Looks like the doc's lungs are clear, Miss Meridian. We're giving her oxygen, just in case. She's got a nasty bump on her head, maybe a concussion, and her face is a little singed. We'll know better what shape she's in after we get her to the hospital. But her vital signs are good, so she's probably not in any danger."

"Thanks," TJ replied, relief flooding through her. "And thanks for helping out." The medic trotted back to Mare, and TJ's attention swerved to the approaching fire chief.

"It's gonna take a while to put the fire out, Miss Meridian. But your barn's a total loss. The lightning rod must not have been grounded. Looks like lightning struck the outside electric box. From there it would have traveled right along the wiring, spreading fire everywhere the wires went. That's why it burned so fast." He turned and looked at the men working the hoses, then swung back to TJ. "The roof had collapsed before we got here… there wasn't much that anyone could do. We'll just spray it down until there aren't any more hot spots." He took his helmet off and scratched at his damp head. "And your wheelchair got ruined, too. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," TJ said softly. "We can replace a wheelchair. And you've kept the fire from spreading to the other buildings. Thank you, and thank your men, too." The fireman nodded and walked away and TJ's eyes came back to the ambulance that was just going down the driveway. Tears welled and she sniffled.

Tom brought his gaze back from the ambulance and looked at his sister. He squeezed the hand he still held. "She'll be okay. They'll take good care of her. Let's get you back into the house," he said as he released her hand and stood. He took Flag's rope, patted her on the neck, and tied her to the corral fence. "I'll come back for you soon, girl," he promised, then looked back at TJ as she spoke.

"My other chair is in the garage, if you'll get it for me," TJ requested through a tight throat. "You can go through the house if the doors are locked."

Tom grinned and squatted down next to her again. He slipped an arm under TJ's shoulders and one under her knees. "Whoa! Wait a minute, Tom," TJ rasped. "I'm as big as you are."

"No kidding?" Tom answered. "Guess I better be careful, then." He pulled TJ's body against his and stood straight up with little effort. With a huge grin on his face, he carried her to the house and, after she helped by opening the door, took her to the living room. He laid her gently on the couch, then looked down at her with concern. "Your eyes are puffy and bloodshot, your face is as red as a beet and your arms are red, too. You really should have gone to the hospital."

"Yes, Mom," TJ said dryly. "Will you bring me the phone, please?" TJ looked around the room. "There's one on the reading table." She grinned as Tom shook his head and fetched the phone for her. "Don't worry, Tom, I am going to the hospital… as soon as I get Paula and Erin home."

Tom rolled his eyes as he handed her the phone. TJ chuckled. "I just got out of the hospital, Tom. I'd have to be hurting a lot worse than this before I'd go back as a patient."

"You saved the doc's life."

TJ looked up into her brother's hero-worshipping eyes. "Let's just be grateful that we didn't lose anything but the barn. It could have been worse. A lot worse." She grasped Tom's hand and gave it a squeeze. "You were a big help, too. Thanks." TJ laughed when Tom blushed with embarrassment. "Look who's red now!"

"You're family, TJ. I was glad to help," Tom said shyly. TJ's eyes filled and she squeezed his hand again. Tom got even redder. "Guess I'll go get the chair now," he muttered, then escaped to the garage.

TJ followed him with her eyes, and the affection that she had held back for so long came flooding into her heart. Good man, my brother. Better than I've been giving him credit for.

TJ picked up the phone and closed her eyes for a moment before calling. Wonder which one of them would like to hear this pleasant news first? She opened her eyes and sighed as she pushed in the number. "Paula? I want you guys to come home right away. You're on your way? Great." That means I can get right to the hospital! "We've had a little excitement here while you were gone…"

While waiting for the girls to arrive, TJ made several other calls. One to Barry, one to Michael, one to a business in Meridianville and one to the contractors who would need to tear down the ruined barn before starting to rebuild.

Erin and Paula came hurrying home, anxious to make sure TJ was as calm as she seemed on the phone. "She sounded like it was just another day, Erin. I can't believe she's really that cool about it," Paula said after explaining TJ's call.

"We'll find out when we get there, Polly, so hang on tight." Erin was squeezing as much speed out of the Land Rover as she could and still stay on the road.

Paula noticed Erin's use of her nickname and grabbed onto the seat. She only calls me Polly when her emotions are in high gear. I better keep an eye on her, as well as TJ. "That ambulance that passed us must have been carrying Mare. Too bad we didn't know sooner, you could have dropped me at the hospital."

"Yeah," Erin agreed as they pulled in and parked, "but we'll hurry back."

Dashing into the house, they found TJ at the kitchen table, her head buried in her arms, with her shoulders shaking. When she saw the women pull up, the tight rein she had been holding on her emotions let go. Horror at almost losing her lover flooded over her and she began crying.

Erin rushed to her side, her face screwed up in distress. She put an arm around TJ's shoulders. "We're here, honey, we're here. Please don't cry. Come on, we'll take you to see Mare."

TJ raised a tear-streaked face. "I almost lost her, Erin. Just like Lance. I… I couldn't stand that, again."

Erin pulled TJ's chair out, leaned down to put her arms around her friend and pulled her close. She's reliving Lance's death. That has to be upsetting her even more. "Mare's not lost, TJ. You saved her."

TJ buried her face in Erin's shoulder. "But I couldn't save Lance."

Erin bit her lip and tears came to her eyes. She began to pat TJ's back. "Aw, TJ, we were going to forgive ourselves, remember? No one could have saved Lance, sweetheart, it was his time. But you haven't lost Mare." The hand moved to caress the raven hair. "Come on, let's get you ready to go see her, okay? Maybe you can be there when she wakes up. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

Gradually TJ's tears stopped and she nodded against Erin's shoulder, then raised her head. Paula handed TJ some tissues, evoking a tear-stained smile. Erin took the tissues from TJ's hand and tenderly wiped her face and eyes for her. "Blow," she commanded, holding the tissues against TJ's nose. TJ did as she was commanded, then she and Erin traded smiles.

"Better?" the curly-haired blonde asked.

"Better," TJ answered.

Erin patted TJ's shoulder, then promised, "We'll have you to the hospital in about 15 minutes." Paula had fetched a washcloth from the bathroom and Erin used it to freshen TJ's face, then kissed her cheek. "Ready to go?"

"I really have to bathe first," TJ said. "I was too shaky to do it when I was here alone." She indicated her body with a flip of her hand. "I'm a mess."

"Do you want me to help you? It might be faster," Erin offered.

"If you would, please. At least with the undressing and dressing; that would speed things up a lot."

"Okay, let's go. And your skin could use some ointment, too, TJ. You look like you have quite a sunburn." Erin followed TJ out of the kitchen as she engaged the chair's motor and headed for her rooms.

Paula straightened the kitchen, then went outside to look at the barn. Firemen were still hosing it down as a refilled pumper came up the driveway.

She sadly surveyed the damage. Damn! The barn really is totaled. I can't picture anyone having the guts to go into a burning building in a wheelchair. She shook her head. I always have admired TJ's gumption but that just jumped up a couple of notches. What a remarkable friend. And I threatened that Erin and I would leave her. Paula snorted. Not that Erin ever would… and I'm finally starting to understand why. Loyalty like that can't be bought. TJ shoulda kicked my butt.

She walked over and spoke to a couple of the men, getting a better idea of just what had happened. She was even more awed with TJ's courage when she saw the amazed and respectful way the men spoke of her rescue of Mare.

A catering truck pulled up and started handing out sandwiches and steaming coffee, bringing smiles to the faces of the tired men. "Compliments of Miss Meridian," one of the women with the truck announced.

The fireman next to Paula turned and gestured to her with his full hands. "Miss Meridian sure knows how to take care of people," he remarked.

"She sure does," Paula agreed. She sure does, echoed in her heart, and we are going to take good care of her, too.

Paula jogged back to the house as the door opened and TJ and Erin came out. The firemen hollered their thanks to TJ, who waved back and thanked them in return, flashing a brilliant smile that lifted everybody's spirits.

The women piled into the Rover. As soon as Erin returned TJ's motorized chair to the porch, they took off. Paula called ahead to the hospital to have a chair ready for TJ to use. When they got there, Erin ran on ahead while Paula helped TJ into the chair brought out for her and pushed her on in. In a few minutes, Erin came back to meet them. "Mare's still in emergency. They're waiting for x-rays. Let's see if we can get in."

"We'll get in, all right," TJ muttered. Her hands were white where they gripped the armrests. When they reached the emergency room area, they were surprised to see Michael hurrying toward them.

"Just getting here? Me, too. I hopped a ride on a helicopter coming back here from Springerly Hospital. Perfect timing." Michael took TJ's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Let's go see Mare," he said, then left for a moment to speak to a clerk at the emergency entrance. He showed his credentials then waved to the women to join him. He walked beside TJ's chair, directing her to the proper cubicle.

A nurse turned as they entered and raised inquiring brows. "I'm Dr. Gillis," Michael explained, "and the patient is my daughter. How is she?"

"She's still unconscious, Doctor. She has some contusions on her body and mild burns on her face and arms, but, unless the x-rays show anything, nothing else is evident." She stepped nearer Michael and lowered her voice. "We don't like that she's still unconscious. We're hoping she revives soon."

TJ had rolled right up to the bed. She lifted Mare's hand to her lips then held it against her cheek, before lowering it to remain clasped between hers.

"Thank you," said Michael to the nurse. He turned toward the bed and marveled at TJ's expression. If someone wanted a picture to describe love, TJ's face would do perfectly. Michael walked to the other side of the bed, leaned down and kissed Mare's forehead.

Erin and Paula patted their unconscious friend's shoulder, then everyone took a seat. TJ never left Mare's side, but stayed there, holding her hand and murmuring to her.

Some time passed and still the x-rays apparently hadn't returned. "She's waking!" TJ announced as Mare's eyes fluttered. They came open and Mare blinked to clear them.

Lordy, do I have a headache! In fact, my whole body hurts. What the heck happened? Finally her vision focused and she smiled at TJ through a frown. "Hi there, beautiful. Is something wrong?"

"Not now." TJ pushed the words through quivering lips. In spite of her pain, Mare struggled up and reached for her lover as TJ's tears began to flow.

Chapter 30

Mare had a slight concussion and a badly bruised body but no serious damage had been done. Her position on the floor had saved her from the worst of the smoke. She was released from the hospital the next day but not before a steady stream of visitors had come to see her, including Jess. As soon as he heard that Mare was hurt, he rushed to her side to assure himself that she was in no danger.

Of course, the most important person in her life had been there when her eyes first opened, but she was gratified to see that so many people cared what happened to her. Everyone's treating me like a hero because I got caught in the fire, but TJ's the real hero. She risked her life to save me. Mare was somewhat awed by that, and the knowledge filled her heart until she thought it might burst.

TJ had told her what happened to her and Tom after the bales hit them. And she'd given Mare the bare bones story of the fire and rescue. The vet learned that, after phoning Paula and Erin, TJ had called Barry to come check out the horses. Bill, Carlos and Tom had taken them to the working barn near the bunkhouse where Barry had treated them for superficial burns. Next she had called Michael to inform him of Mare's rescue. Then she had called the caterer to feed the firemen and lastly, TJ had called the contractor to start at once on building a new barn.

TJ's bloodshot eyes and reddened skin told Mare more about the rescue effort than her words did... and the fact that her raven-haired lover released her clasped hand only when she had to… then today she held it until Mare needed to dress to go home. And once they got settled in the van TJ immediately pulled her into an embrace… and hadn't let go of her since.

They came up the driveway toward the house and Mare was saddened to see the blackened skeleton of the barn, pieces of its stucco shell spread across the ground. Men were already at work, tearing it down. She shivered, thinking that she would have died in there, had it not been for the courageous woman sitting against her in the van. TJ could have died, too. But that didn't stop her.

TJ had Mare clasped tightly against her side, but she squeezed even tighter when she felt Mare shiver. "Scary, huh?" TJ murmured and kissed the top of her head.

Mare nodded and sucked hard on her lips, trying to quell the tears that tried to spring forth, but the tears won. She turned toward TJ, her flooding green eyes meeting fabulous blue ones that mirrored the surge of love that hit her heart. The quirked eyebrow and lopsided grin unseated the last vestiges of her composure and she buried her head against her lover's neck, sobbing.

Long arms wrapped completely around her shoulders as she slipped hers around TJ's waist. The warmth and security of being in TJ's arms worked its magic and Mare's sobbing subsided. Their embrace felt so wonderful to both of them that neither woman moved when the van stopped.

Paula got out to retrieve the new wheelchair from the van as Erin turned to Mare and TJ. "Hey, guys, we're home," she said. Ecstatic that they had both survived what could have been a double tragedy, she was reluctant to part them.

TJ's arms tightened and the slight hoarseness in her velvet voice tugged at Mare's heart. "I've been home ever since we picked Mare up."

"Gods, TJ, that is so beautiful," Mare managed to blurt out before the tears came again.

********************

Mare crawled gingerly into bed and sighed as she snuggled her aching body up against her lover's firm form. They lay quietly for a few moments, enjoying each other's warmth.

"TJ?"

"Hmmmm?"

"Tell me what really happened in the barn."

"I did tell you. You were knocked over by some bales of hay. I went in and found you and brought you out…"

"Wait! Those are the parts I want to hear... in detail. The 'went in and found you and brought you out,' parts. Paula told me some of the stories she heard from the firemen about the inside of the barn, and when Tom came by this afternoon, he told me about bales of hay thrown to hell and back all over the hallway. So, please, tell me about it."

"All of it?" TJ asked and made a face.

"All of it." Mare echoed, smiling. She just never wants to talk about herself. But I know she did something pretty fantastic and I want to hear about it. "I'm disappointed that I was unconscious through the whole rescue. I want to hear about it. I think it's pretty exciting."

"Hmmm." TJ pulled her head away and looked at the lover she had almost lost. Exciting? More like heart-stopping! But I did promise to do anything she asked. Just didn't expect to be called on it so soon. TJ's self-deprecating smile told Mare she would be rewarded. "Okay, I'll tell you."

TJ leaned her head against Mare's again, and began her tale. Her descriptions were plain and unadulterated, but that made the situation even more terrifying to listen to. Terrifying to listen to? My god, TJ was living through it! Mare sucked in her breath several times during TJ's narration, but didn't interrupt until she felt TJ's tension increase as she told of freeing Mare, then being trapped by the same bales she had flung away. "It was my own stupid fault we were trapped."

Mare patted her side. "TJ, you were frantic to get them off of me. It's amazing you could even move them; it would be impossible to aim them."

"I was trying so hard not to fail you… like I failed Lance."

Mare pushed away from TJ and sat up outside the covers, tucking her legs under her. TJ looked up at her, startled. "You did not fail Lance, TJ. All of us keep telling you that. When are you going to believe it?"

TJ looked away and twisted her lips. Mare put her fingertips against TJ's jaw and turned her head back until TJ's eyes met hers. "Answer me this, TJ. What happened at the time you and Lance were attacked that you could have changed?"

"I should never have talked him into coming with me," TJ said thickly.

Mare waggled a finger at her. "That doesn't count. People are always talking each other into doing things. It wasn't the first time, was it?"

"No," TJ admitted, saying it slowly.

"But this time something bad happened. And you didn't foresee that. Who could have? Can you see into the future?"

"No," came another drawl.

Mare was distracted for a moment by the shape of TJ's lovely lips when she drew out the word, "no." She shook her head and blinked to resume her focus.

"TJ, let me ask you again, did you have any real opportunity to save Lance? You've been telling me of your superhuman effort to save my life. If you had a chance, I'm sure you would have made a superhuman effort to save Lance, too. Did you have that chance?"

TJ thought about it for several long moments. "No."

Mare licked her lips. "Then you can't honestly keep blaming yourself. It isn't fair to you. Do you think you can ever admit that, and forgive yourself?"

TJ hesitated. Her eyes moved away for a full minute then came back. "I think maybe I can. Yes."

"Oh, TJ, that's wonderful!" Mare's whole face was alight.

TJ smiled up at the vision of beauty sitting next to her. I'd save you a hundred times a day if I had to, Mare. And she knew, at last, the same was true of Lance. I would have saved you if I could, my brother. I just never had the chance. And it wasn't my fault. Finally willing to accept that truth, TJ's whole body relaxed as she took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"TJ, will you do me a favor?" A dark eyebrow quirked up in question. "Would you say, 'No,' for me just one more time?" TJ frowned comically and Mare grinned. "Just do it, okay?"

"No," TJ started the drawl, and soft lips found hers as she completed the word, then she entered into the spirit of things and returned the kiss.

"Ummmmmm," Mare hummed as she slipped back under the covers and into TJ's arms. "Now, let's hear the rest of this rescue."

"First time saying 'no' ever got me a reward," TJ grinned, then she finished the tale, describing Flag's part in pulling them out between the burning bales. "And she didn't even get burned, just singed a little." TJ touched Mare's nose with a forefinger. "Kinda like you did."

"Yeah, and you, too," Mare agreed soberly. What a magnificent woman you are, TJ Meridian, and how everlastingly grateful I am that we found each other. Mare moved up and lifted her body over TJ's until she could put one bent arm against the mattress on either side of TJ's head. Blue eyes looked lovingly up into green.

Mare smiled down at her, returning the look of love. "TJ, you are one fantastic woman, you know that? You risked life and limb to go into a burning building after me. You saved my life."

"You are my life," TJ whispered. "I would risk anything for you." TJ's arms closed around her lover as Mare uttered a small cry and sank against her. Their bodies connected and their lips met, confirming the union of their souls.

********************

A number of days had passed since almost losing Mare, and TJ found that she still hated to let her out of her sight. She sat at her desk this morning pondering this strange feeling. I know she's just down the hallway, in her office. What could hurt her there? TJ might argue that her fears were unfounded, but her emotions defied any attempt to quell them.

Sighing, she dragged her mind away from the battle and willed her thoughts to concentrate on the list in front of her.

We have several items in progress here at the moment. She ran down the list, going over each project. First, the more imminent ones: new barn being built; barbecue at the ranch being organized by Barry and Berta; Paula and Erin's new home still in the planning stages. Then, the longer term ones: new medical center, including a spinal cord injury wing. And maybe, just maybe we could manage a swimming pool a little later. TJ pencilled it in as her lips twisted. It's my own fault we don't have one yet; when they had to redo the gym, I couldn't stand coming back to all that disruption at one time.

Balancing the pencil between her index and middle fingers, the dark-haired woman drummed its eraser against the desktop. And Tom. Gloria has pretty much agreed to whatever I might decide about his contact with the corporation. I want to get him introduced to some of the people at Meridian; see if we can find something for him to do to learn about the company, fit it around his ranch work. And I like the idea of working up an internship that would mesh with his studies when he enters Harvard. I'll need to talk to him about that first--don't want him to think I'm pressuring him into anything.

She added Tom's name to the list, then a tap on the door broke her concentration and Mare came in, bearing two mugs. "Is this a good time for a coffee break?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Perfect," TJ answered, noticing that the tinge of uneasiness that had been bothering her departed as soon as she spied Mare. She watched her lover's graceful movements as she set the mugs on the desk and pulled a chair up next to her.

"Working hard?" Mare asked, then as her eyes met TJ's admiring look, she continued with a saucy grin, "Or hardly working?"

TJ grinned ruefully. "Thinking, mostly, and that's damn hard work." She laid the pencil down, leaned an arm on the table and used it to turn more fully toward Mare. She quieted for a moment, tilted her head a bit and let her eyes feast on Mare's face.

Responding to TJ's pensive mood, Mare quieted, too. She lifted a hand and softly ran her fingertips across a sculpted cheekbone. "What?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"You really are beautiful, you know. Your face, your eyes, your hair, the way you move…" TJ kissed the fingertips that had stroked their way down her jawline, then to her lips. She smiled as Mare brought the fingers to her own lips. "You're beautiful inside, too. I don't ever want to take you for granted. I always want to be aware of how beautiful you are and how much I love you."

An understanding smile spread from Mare's slightly turned lips to her shining eyes. "You know I feel the same way about you, sweetheart. Almost losing each other sure wakes up your awareness, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does," TJ agreed huskily.

Mare squeezed her lover's hand. "Hey, we both have stuff to do today, so c'mon, let's drink our coffee before we get carried away, okay?"

TJ squeezed back then released the smaller hand. She grinned and nodded. "Right," she agreed as she reached for the coffee and took a drink of it.

"What are you working on?" Mare asked, tipping her head toward the tablet lying in front of TJ. She picked up her mug and drained most of it in one gulp.

TJ pushed the tablet over so Mare could read it. The blonde head bent down, read it, then came back up with green eyes widened. "Boy, when you put it all in one spot, it looks kind of formidable."

TJ laughed and shrugged. "We'll be pretty busy for a while, that's for sure. But we have lots of help. What are you up to, today? I could hear some movement going on…" She hesitated at the words, "in your office," then chose not to say them.

Mare flexed an arm, showing the muscle. "I've been moving furniture around. I got a new bookcase the other day and Paula put it together for me. Now I'm trying to figure out where I want to…" she stopped at the frown she saw growing on TJ's face. "What's wrong?"

"I'm the one who should be putting bookcases together for you and helping you move furniture around," TJ asserted, more sharply than she intended. For some reason, her inability to help with that homey activity disturbed her. She grabbed at the coffee mug and practically threw the brew down her throat.

"TJ!" Mare returned the frown. "You know we all help where we can and when we can. Paula was there when the bookcase was delivered and she put it together for me. Besides…" she hesitated.

"Besides, I'm not physically able to do something like that," TJ growled, finishing the sentence for her. She sat up rigidly in her chair, turned back toward the table and picked up the pencil, mangling it in her grasp.

Mare shook her head at her suddenly rebellious partner. "Actually, that hadn't occurred to me. I was going to say that you won't come into the office anyway, so how could you help?" Her mouth twisted and she suggested dryly, "Unless you want to come help me decide how to rearrange it."

TJ's continued rigidity answered for her. Mare sighed and stood up, curling her fingers through the handles of the nearly empty mugs. "I didn't come in here to start a fight, TJ. I just wanted to be with you. If you need me, you know where I am." She waited a moment, but when there was no response, she left.

Mare rinsed the mugs and stuck them in the dishwasher, then went back down the long hallway to her office, carefully closing the door behind her. She walked to the nearest chair and plopped into it, letting her eyes roam through the entire room. There is no way in hell this room would ever remind TJ of her father's office. But that hardheaded lover of mine will never know that because she's too damn stubborn to even come through the door.

Now she's upset because I told her Paula helped me with the bookcase. How was I supposed to know that would bother her? Good grief! Then Mare's fair-minded self stepped forward. You know she's upset because she wants to be the one you look to for help, yet she knows she won't always be able to give you that help. Well, kiddo, Mare sighed, I can't always help you, either. There are some things only you can handle.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, trying to find a good place for this darn bookcase.

TJ was more hurt than angry. Mare's words tumbled through her head: Paula was there… you won't come into the office… how could you help? The fact that Mare was right--TJ couldn't help with anything in the office as long as she refused to enter it--only served to deepen her pain.

Tears of frustration moistened her eyes and she brushed brusquely at her cheeks as a few overflowed. Suddenly she realized that she was on the brink of allowing herself to wallow in self-pity. Grabbing a tissue from the box on the desk, she dried her eyes and spoke sternly to herself.

Taylor Jade Meridian, stop acting like a damn emotional basket case. You've been seeing a counselor for close to two years and you're still allowing your father to dictate your actions. You're letting your hatred of him disappoint the woman you love--the woman who loves you--the woman you very nearly lost. Is that hatred stronger than the love you and Mare share?

Never! TJ told herself. Nothing is stronger than that. What did Mare say before? 'Our love's too strong to be destroyed by any obstacle.' Well, it's also too strong to let any obstacle come between us. I've waited too long to push this one out of the way. Mare's words echoed again. 'If you need me, you know where I am. If you need me… If you need me…

Wheeling out of her office, TJ rolled partway down the hallway and stopped, looking at the door that stood between her and the woman she knew she would love for eternity. She set her jaw in determination and pushed hard against the wheels, going forward again. I'll always need you, Mare. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the knob.

Mare stood in her office, hands on her hips, seeking a possible spot for the bookcase. Automatically, her head swiveled to the office door as she thought she heard a creak. Yeah, right, Mare. TJ's coming down the hall to see you. The impossibility of the thought saddened her and she winced at her momentary lapse of memory. She started to move her gaze back to the room when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the doorknob turn.

As if in slow motion, she turned her whole body to face the door, her breath frozen in her lungs. She watched speechlessly as the door slowly pushed open and TJ wheeled into the room. Mare could only stare.

TJ's breath caught, also, as her eyes darted around the room. Nothing in here looks the same. Nothing. It could be a totally different room… and it is. It's Mare's office. No one else's. She breathed again as her eyes finished their circuit and came to rest on an astonished Mare. TJ's mouth tilted in her lopsided grin as she forced words through her tight throat. "I guess I should have knocked."

The words unfroze Mare and she hurried to her lover. She dropped to her knees, burying her head in TJ's lap. Long fingers stroked the golden head. "I needed you," TJ choked out, "and, like you said, I knew where to find you."

Half-crying and half-laughing, Mare lifted her head and flung her arms around TJ and both women wept together. After several moments, Mare stood and grabbed some tissues and wiped TJ's face and then her own. She took TJ's hand, pulling her chair toward the couch as TJ quirked an eyebrow. "Every time I fantasized about you coming into my office, I pictured you sitting on my couch." She helped a cooperative TJ maneuver into the corner of the couch then sat next to her, laying her head against the firm shoulder.

TJ bent her head and sought Mare's lips, kissing her gently at first, then with rising passion. She pulled away and took a deep breath as her always restless hand commenced moving along the softness of her lover's body. "I guess you didn't fantasize much work getting done, huh?"

"I'm too happy to even think about work," Mare confessed with a slow smile. She pushed her body higher against TJ's, leaned in and kissed TJ's eyes and cheeks. "Welcome to my office," she said softly. Then they shared a deep, lingering kiss.

They paused and TJ looked into the sweetest face she had ever seen. Mare gazed into the depths of her lover's blue eyes and lifted a palm to caress her cheek. "Welcome home," she whispered.

TJ turned Mare and pulled her even closer, her body eagerly responding to the touch of Mare's as it slid perfectly against her. "Now it really is my home," she said. "No more ghosts."

"No more ghosts," Mare agreed and lifted her lips, willingly answering her lover's need.

The End.

Many Roads to Travel

Book 2 in the TJ & Mare Series

by

Karen Surtees and Nann Dunne

Copyright Š 2002 by Karen Surtees and Nann Dunne

All rights reserved.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.  The characters, incidents and dialogue herein are fictional and any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

ISBN 978-1-61929-022-8 (ebook)

Cover Design by Donna Pawlowski

Published by:

Regal Crest Enterprises, LLC

4700 Hwy 365, Suite A, PMB 210

Port Arthur, Texas 7764

Table of Contents

Copyright by Karen Surtees and Nann Dunne

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30